Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-08-09
HmOr.

HmOr.
Observation-Disclosures.
A great composer-Sleep.
Black friars-Colored cooks.
A blank book-an empty wallet.
Good living-living within your means.
Men of high station-Lighthouse keep
ers.
An egg to-day is better than chicken
tomorrow
It may be considered grave mistake to
bury man alive.
No wonder time is often murdered, when
struck every hour.
People are positively just in proportion
to their ignorance.
We know of no female dates, although
mandates are plenty.
"Victims of misplaced benzine," is West
ernese for drunkards.
Many of the richest planters of Jamaica
live on coffee grounds
To make postage stamp stick carry it
loosely in your pocket.
s'Daughtercultural show" is the latest
name for a family party.
Eagles fly alone; sheep generally flock
together-so we have herd
Cure for blind man-get married, that
will be sure to open his eyes.
Good intentions are like fainting ladies'
all they want is carrying out.
Why are all shopkeepers hosiers BE
cause they have stock-in' trade.
An odd sort Of ship-Courtship, which
has two mates, but no captain.
About the commonest social vice, ard the
one which ia most abhorred. is advice.
No one wishes to have bald head, but
no one wishes to lose it when he has it.
.'The lobster is a posthumous work of
creation, for it is only red after its death"
Does widower recover from the grief for
the loss of the dear departed when be re-
wives?
No wonder stolen kisses get buzzed
about; they always travel FROM mouth to
mouth.
Why is brutal husband like dissatis6-
ed cabman ? Because be frequently abuses
his fair.
Platonic love, like all other tonics, is
very exciting, and should be taken homeo-
pathically.
It was wittily said Of beautiful French
literary lady. that she had but one fault
her husband.
To milliners-Wha is most likely to be-
come fair-haired woman? Why, fair
haired little girl, to be sure!
What did that young lady mean when she
said to her lover; "You may be too late for
the cars, but you can take buss.
care you a good little boy p said the
teacher to young hopeful Yes, m Fam.
"How good, Willie ?" "Dood for nossiu.''
It doesn't matter how watchful and vigil
liant girl is if a rude fellow kisses her, it
is ten to one he will do it right under her
nose.
A clergyman said that he addressed his
congregation of ladies and gentlemen as
brethren because the s'brethren" embraced
the ladies.
A clergyman said tie other day that mod
ern young ladies were not the daughters of
Shem and Ham, but the daughters Hem
and Sham
"Thomas, you should have place for
everything" said Aunt Mary. II have
maizena, great many places for every
thing" replied Tom.
A writer says: cit is not the drinking,
but getting sober, that is so terrible in a
drunkard's life." Why get sober at all,
then, says Singles.
Judge Hoar once said of lawyer: ssHe |
has reached the superlative life at first be |
sought to get on, and then he sought to get
honor, and now he is trying to get honest"
s.Six feet in his boots !' exclaimed Mrs
Beeswax "what will the impudence of
this world coma to, | wonder Why, thew
might as we'll tell me that the man had six
heads in his hat"
What is the fashion, Annie: Fashion is
something that causes Betsy, who goes bare.
headed all week when the sun is shining. to
wear gloves and carry parasol on Sunday
when it is cloudy.
"Where are you going SO fast, Mr..
Smith 2" demanded Mr.. Jones. s'Home.
sir, home don't detain me. I have just
bought nay wife new bonnet, and I must
deliver it before the fashions change"
"No, SIR said woman, pleading for
her husband, who was before the police
Judge for beating her with poker, .she
wasn't always that way. There was hap.
py time when he only struck me with his
fist"
An old lady gave this as her idea Of
great man: Zone who is keerful of his
Clothes, don't drink sperets, ken read the
Bible without spelling the words, and eat a
cold dinner Oh wash day without grum-
bling"