, 1872-12-01

Julia Nard-Julia Ward
Julia Ward Howe!
-0rphsus c. Ecrr.
EUMoR.
Belle mettle-A young lady's temper.
Case Of kidnapping Young goat asleep.
Why does DR.. Cummings eon resemble q
lady recovering from a fainting fit it?-Because
he's Cumming, too.
-Query-Need O vender Of chessmen he 8
pawnbroker?
so fair thou art, hardly deem'd thee human -
But thou has left me, so know thou'rt woman.
Old Equestrian: Swell, but you're not the
jest speki1ated, and bought i'm Of t'other boy for
eix cents u
A Washington street boy received dollar
for learning eight hundred Bible verses, and has
bought with it a handsome deck Of linon-back
cards.
Never have q wooden leg made OF oak, be-
cause the oak is apt to produce a-corn.
"A carpenter III love is not apt to be as hand
some as his sweetheart, because he is almost
always good deal planer.
x foreign medical journal remarks that the
most warlike nation in modern times is vaccina-
ton, because it is always in arms:
Jacksonville, Tenn, young ladies tie up their
taper fingers, and when the young gentlemen
callers in the evening inquire the cause, blush
ing1y reply: II burnt them while broiling the
beefsteak this morning."
To a Nautical Correspondent-No, there is
no likeness between diamond neck-pin and
Mr.. Ashbury's yacht except, by-the-way, when
it ia on the breast OF @ heavy swell.
An inebriated stranger precipitated himself
down the depot stairs, and, on striking the
landing, Eeproaehfully apostroPhized himself
stairs, why'n thunder didn't yon say 50, you
wooden-heaaed old fool, an I'd come with you
an showed you the way"
"A Graceless Child.-Uncle George. 's FOR
3.4o
'Now, read your plate, Aunt Mary, and SOC what
that 6ay6!"
"A sympathetic Norwich man stopping in
Boston, On learning that to check the fire q
great many buildings must be blown up, at once
offered to contribute his mother-in-law for tho
purpose.
A grave-digger, walking in the streets Of
Windsor the other day, Glanced to turn aud
notice two doctors wallling behind him. He
faRdd 5Ra he t oy nd aisa sy IS 02a ssd taey
~ know my place in the procession" " said no.
Mile Berdon, q french dress1naker, tired
Of oppression, plunged into the Seine, with the
words: ave have no liberties" When she WAS
7sThey don't even allow us to drown our
selves.'
"A rocling-horse in an Indiana avenue family
has two yards of red flannel about its neck, and
smells strong enough Of arnica to knock over IN
apothecary from the city. The youthful owner
cannot 20 to school because his horse is sick.
When Shakespeare wrote about patience on 8
monument, did he refer to doctors patients
No. How do you know be didn't? Because
you always find them under monument.
a man died recently ut Crestline, Ohio, un-
der circumstances go destitute, that few rich
old curnudseons in town dubbed together and
butchered his hogs for the widow, each one,
however taking home choice tit-bit Of pork for
thus helping, the widow and fatherless in their
hour of trouble.
The Mayor Of Boston has issued proc1a-
nation forbidding the use Of bustles Of news
papers containing maps of the burnt district.
He says he wants his fellow-citizens to realize
the full extent Of their calamity.
The latest definition Of q gentleman is ssa
man who can put on a clean collar without being
conspicuous"
a gentleman meeting d friend who was
wasting away with consumption, exclaimed
"Ah, my deac fellow, how slow you walk! "
"Yes, replied the consumptive, ri walk slow,
"A young man who went West from Dan
bury, Conn, few months ago, has sent only
one q 70 letter home; It came ne Friday. t said:
know whether he is scalped or married.
=" Gentlemen where do you think that beef
steak comes from?" said the landlord, planting
his thumbs in his waistcoat ar1n-holes. From
near the horns," WIS the quiet reply Of one Of
the boarders. 1t is singular, but that land
lord has not put any conundrum to those board
ers since.
swell, my child,' said stern father to his
little daughter 1 = after church, syhat Do you re-
was the timid reply. !" Nothing" said he Sc
verely; "now, remember, the next time YOU
tell me something he says, or you must stay
away from church." The next Sunday she came
something, she said. +" All! very glad Of IT.
replied the father "what did be say? tsHe
said,' she cried delightedly, "a collection will
now be made"
Here is an anecdoto from Mr. Fields tsYes-
terdays with Authorn." too good to, be. lost:
Hawthorne in their native land, they made the
acquaintance Of q cabin boy, of duty, who was
reading large volume, which proved, on in
gui1y, to be commentary on the Bible. When
then and there that particular book, he replied
with q knowing wink, g There's coneider'ble
hersy in our place, and I'm a-studying-up for
'em!"
The occupants Of a room over the study Of
Professor James Hedly, of Yale College, who
died last Thursday, were once interrupted,
while boxing and rolling dumb-bells over the
floor, by gentle tap ct the door. After the
customary ''Con1e in" the door was slowly
opened BY the old Professor, who said, with .
tlemen, would be pleased to see you in my
room at any time, but would rather have you
come in through the door than the ceiling"
Several months ago, little boy named
Seger became interested IN the chlldren of the
Howard Mission, and determined to do what he
could for them. It is nos much, apparently, .
hoy Of soyen ye.rs can accomplish in this direc-
tion, but he went to work With will, saved the
pennies given him, ran Of errands, and picked
up bits of iron and sold them. On Saturday lie
dollars and eishty-threo cents, with which he
bought broken-lock pistol and has twenty
eight cents left. So much for perseverance,.
Danburu Ne,cs.