The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1872-12-26
All Sorts of Paragraphs.

All Sorts of Paragraphs.
When is young lady very like whale9
When she's pouting.
Whiskey is said to be horn of plenty,
because it will corn you copiously.
"A blacksmith cannot only shoe horse
himself, but he can make horse shoe.
"A punster challenged sick mans vote at
the city election, on the ground that he was an
M-legal voter.
= If this is borrowed paper you are read
ing, "drop it." Your neighbor don't pay his
money to lend to you.
Men will never know US by our faith, for
that is within us they know US by our works,
which are visible to them.
"A correspondent wants to know whether
"civil service rules" mean that civil clerks are
always to be employed in public offices.
"A pupil in one of the public schools re-
Gently revised an old saying found in his gram
mar, as follows "It is better to give than to
receive-a good licking"
- One of the ancient fathers said: ga man
should be prepared for death the day before,
but as he does not know when that day is to be,
he should always be prepared"
"A French householder was asked if an
animal which he offered for sale was timid.
"Not at all" said he, che often passes many
nights CO66LueT NY uluScll Ill tuc otdUic
A negro was put on the stand as witness,
and the Judge inquired if he understood the
nature of an OATH "For certain, boss" said
the citizen; 'If swear to lie, must stick
to him."
= Fashion reporters announce that satin
dresses are to be worn no longer by brides.
They couldn't we'll be worn any longer thau
they have been without tripping up every one
in the room.
"A conceited man, who had built small
house in sequestered part of his grounds for
private study, showed it to friend, remarking,
"Here sit reading from MORNING till night,
and nobody bit the wiser"
-"Who was the meekest man, my son 2"
said the superintendent of boys Bible class.
"Moses, sir" every we'll, my boy; and who
was the meekest woman7" "Please, sir, there
never was the meekest woman"
"A St. Louis parent, who happens to be
blessed with prodigal son, according to the
Titusville Press, "rejoices more over one boy
that run away than the whole family who
sponge their living off him at home"
= The man who fell from telegraph pole
the other day while engaged il placing wire,
is now so far convalescent that he has recovered
his spirits, and wittily says that he is only suf-
fering little from the effects of climb it.
= Titusville girls, with an eye to matrimonial
matters, stain their fingers with shoe bronze,
and, when their gentlemen acquaintances ask
the cause of the same, softly whisper, 81 have
been helping mother put up canned fruit"
- The Galveston Nea0s remarks that when
prominent American dies the first thing we
resolve to do is to build him monument, and
the next thing-we don't How is that memo
rial relic of the past, the Washington Monu-
ment, getting along?
"A gentleman said to an old lady who had
brought up family of children near the Mer.
rimac River: II should think you would have
lived in constant fear that some of them would
have got drowned" "Oh, no." responded the
old lady, "we only lost three or four that way"
A fashion writer says that brides in good
society nowadays avoid most strictly the ira
ditional gray and brown travelling suits former
ly in vogue, and dress as unconspicuously as
possible so that "all creation needn't know
we've Just been married"
The father of the boy whose veracity is
not so marked as his back, asked the teacher
why it was his son didn't have better ac-
quaintance with figures, and was considerably
electrified when the teacher observed: II real
ly don't know, unless it is because figures won't
lie."
- Some drummers on q train to Portland
recently wished to open whiskey bottle they
had with them, but had nc corkscrew. "Ill
get one" said one of the number; and rising,
he called out, is there gentleman from Port
land on the train?" A gentleman responded.
"Will you lend me your corkscrew ?" said the
drummer. The corkscrew was forthcoming.
"A young drug clerk committed suicide in
Bristol few days ago. At the inquest the
coroner asked feliow-clerk of the deceased if
he knew of any cause for the suicide. No."
was the reply: she was getting along nicely,
"Going to be married, was he?" exclaimed the
coroner. "That will do. We've got at the
bottom of the business"
A Western editor, receiving an invitation
to take tea with alady friend, accepted. While
at the table the lady observed that he had no
spoon for his cup. ais it possible" said she,
"that l forgot to give you spoon? eouid
not have made such a mistake" II have no
spoon, madam" said the editor, rising from his
seat, "and if you don't believe it, you may
search me-"
= 1t is said of the late DR.. Duncan, that one
day, when visiting at house some distance
from his residence, he had 10 sooner entered
than the inmates began, with hearty hospitali-
ty, to set forth refreshments for the minister.
Mr.. Duncan looked on as the various articles
were placed on the table; at last he said, "Oh,
you're very kind, and appreciate your kind
ness; but it grieves me to the heart to think
you can be so kind to the servant, and keep
the Master so long at the door," The impress
sion made by this speech was never forgotten
by one of the members of the family.
SOUTHERN DUTY.-The sole course of the
South to-day is to turn her back resolutely
upon the past; to live in the present as best
L. .nu,- nd To lnnn her ewes stnadilv fiyed