The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1872-06-29
A HORRIBLE sTORY.
AN EDITOR ) TALE.

sEYou want what P''.-l- alsI Hs E9E |
Yes, that is exactly what we said to 4
tue wife of our bUsom, in response To what 1
we considered a very revolutionary e&cla> |
matlln on her. part. We had Just got |
home 10 tea, had taken up the paper, and |
were nobIy struggling with very lucid /
editorial, ~ hich went on to show, in "A re- /
markably thrilling manner, that if the !
duty on the raw material of cotton was /
reduced one one-sixteenth per cent, that !
exactly 6, ,8G4 mechanics would be reduced
TO starvation, and the averave duration of
their existence depressed to the logaritbm
of Al ,S52. We land down the paper,
tool our glasses off, rubbed Them with ou-
handkerchief. readiusted them on the
bridge of our Grecian nose, and, looking
sIraigh ht at The partner OF our joys, sor-
rows, and salary, said: ar-
on want what g ... ....-.-..--....
GA Dolly Warden, the old lady ex-
| claimed, somew hat excltediy, at the same
time spIG1lng some of her cup uf tea she
was handing as upon the last boFn's rath
er defenseless head After the baby bad
been suppressed, which took some lime,
she repealed:
"a Dolly Warden ]
With all the soIemnity of which we are
| possessed, and we have enough to change
plank into coffin by simply looking AT
| it, we arose in our seat, and with That
celebrated wave of theh and of Henry
| Clay when be bade farewell to the -euate,
| said = e.=r
| "Madam, you are we'll acquainted with
the fact that my position as a reviewer of
current literature, is an honorable position,
Madam, which | may remark in part m
thesis, supplies this tender brood with lie
sustaining bread, aud keeps the wolf from
the door, (here we gracefully waved to-
ward the backyard; as If implying that
the wolf was prowling around among the
gooseberry busbes,) entitle me 20 speak
understandingly upon the character of fic-
ton. Now, as l take it, Dolly Warden
was the lovely daua ahter of Gabriel Var
den, the lOcksmiIh Of London, as will be
ascertaiued by reference 10 'Barnaby
Rudge, written by the late lamented
Charles Dickens. In this view of the
case, if l, who am but in the prime of life,
should have said, i would like to have u
Dolly Varden-'''
You're fool, old man; sit down
I'll show you what | mean. Matilda,
bring your fatLer the last number of Ear
per's Bazaar"
Matilda is our eldest, the a ,wer of our
flock, her fathers pride, her mother JOY.
She arose, took position No. OF her dam
cing lessons taught iu very select acad-
emy of Prof Hoppety SkiPpeiy, where
she is scholar, and gIided like a sun-
beam from the room I've would not
like to be.quaifed 10 the fact that we ever
saw sunbeam glide from the room, but
that's the way the writer's put it, and
that's the way she slode.)
She returned with the paper, and our
wife proceeded at once TO move upon our
intreuchmcuts' with what she meant by
Dolly Warden The wonders of this
dress at last stole upon our miud. We
were told that it was all The Iaee, that
nothing else was fashionable. ard that our
position in society depends upon having at
least one Dolly Warden in The family.
In an evil hour we consented. The
Dolly Warden should be bought, and with
many an inward g:oan we counted the
cash. ss E#r eL
We had not as yet had our eyes glad
dened with sight of this wonderful cre>
atien. The description given us was
vague and hazy, but we waited patient
1 ly for the ldenouement. And we didn't wal.
in vain. We saw the Dolly Warden at
last, and the shock TO our nervous frame
was tremeudou'. ----..
Returning home one night we missed
from the supper table the presence Of our
| wife. To Matilda we said
"Where is your mother, child 81
I ''lIer dress has just come home, and
| she wants 10 surprise you in II, answered
cur daughter.
Suddenly the door swung cpen and a
lady entered.
There was sort of wild look in her
eye, as we imagined, and she was attIred
in the most ouIlandish style, having on a
dress with sun flowers aud cabbages and
pumpkins, worked all over it, and a lot
Of snakes sqnirming around for back
ground a a d
I Rising, we said, MADAM, whom do
you wish 10 see g. suppOsing, yon know,
that the girl had left her in.
''Poor thing! she's crazy" We added
she had bedecked herself. Speak TO her,
Matilda, or call your mother and having
said this we sighed compassionately, and
shook our head in n mournful manner.
Suddenly that weird female made bolt
at us, erasped our Albums apple in a
iendish manner, and choked US until our
face looked like banner of the Commune.
We bad barely breath enough left 10
gasp "W Woman, what mean you! Matilda
| spring "a rattle out of the parlor window y
when the supposed ~m#ni"e- hopPed US
down into chair, narrowly missing
! crushing George Augustus, our tbree year
! old. 10 death, who had just slid oil, ana
said or rather shrieked; 49,. 49,
s.Yo. do,.t know mo I'm crazy, am