The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1872-07-05
TWORUSSIAN TESTERS.

Jokes. like bills, require names tC
back them and it will be found that,
in every nation, some one parsonage
real or mythical, is selected as the lay.
figure upon which all popular jests are
by common consent displayed. The
English have their Joe Miller, the Ger.
mans their Schiltburger and Tyll Eulen.
spiegel, the Americans their Col. Crock
EFT, the Orientals their Nasireddin ell
Khejah; and, in the same way, the
chosen god-hthers of Russian humor
are Balakiref, the jester, and Marshal
Suvoroff. The latter name has long
since passed into history but the for
mer requires some introduction to non.
Russian readers. Popular traditions
unite in representing Balakiref as the
constant attendant Of Peter the Great,
who figures largely in all the stories at
tsched to the name of his buffoon.
Many of these stories are probably the
fabrication of a later age !; but fair pro-
portion of them bear marks of anthem
ITCHY, and, as fair specimens of national
humor, are worth quoting.
On one occasion Balakiref begged
permission of his imperial master TO at
tach himself ito the guard stationed at
the palace, and Peter, for the sake Of
the joke, misunderstanding him at the
same time that any officer of the guard
who happened to lose his sword, or be
absent from his post when summoned,
was punished with death. The newly.
made officer promised to do his best !;
but the temptation Of some good wine
sent to his quarters that evening by the
Car, ito moisten his commission"
proved too strong for him and he par.
took 80 freely as to become completely
screwed" While he was sleeping off
his debauch,, Peter stole softly into the
room, and. carried off his sword. Balak.
ireff, missing it on awaking, and fright.
ened out Of his wits at the probable con-
sequences, could devise no better rem.
edy than to replace the weapon with his
own professional lath, the hilt and
trappings of which were exactly similar
to those of the guardsmen. Thus equip
ped, he appeared on the parade the
next morning, confident in the assur.
ance of remaining undecided, if not
forced to draw his weapon. But Peter,
who had doubtless forseen this contin.
gency, instantly began storming at one
Of the men for his untidy appearance,
and at length faced round upon Balak-
ireff with the stern order, "Capt. Bal
akireff. draw your sword and cut that
sloven down.
The poor jester, thus brought fairly
to bay, laid his hand on his hilt as if to
obey. but at the same time exclaimed
fervently, Merciful Heaven let my
sword be turned into wood I"
And drawing the weapon, he exhibit
ed in very deed harmless lath. Even
the presence Of the Emperor was power.
less to check the roar Of laughter which
followed; and Balakireff was allowed
to escape.
The testers ingenuity occasionally
served him in extricating others from
trouble a. we'll as himself. A cousin of
his, having fallen under the -displeasure
Of the Car, was about to be executed !:
and Balakiref presented himself at
court to petition for reprieve. Peter,
seeing him enter, and at once divining
his Grand, shouted to him, " It's no
use your coming here; l swear that l
will not grant what you are going to
ask I"
Quick as thought, Balakireff dropped
on his knees, and exclaimed, "Peter
Alexeveitch, beseech you put that
scamp of a cousin of mine to death n
Peter, thus caught in his own trap, had |
no choice but to laugh, and sent q par
don to the offender.
During one Of the Cars Livonian cam.
paigns, thick fog greatly INSTRUCTED
the movements of the army. At length
pale, watery rleam began to show |
itself through the mist, and two of the |
Russian officers fell to disputing whether |
this were the sun or not. Balakireff |
happening to pass by at that moment,
they appealed to him to decide. "Is |
that light yonder the sun, brother?''
How should / know p answered
the Jester 1--WE never been here be- |
fore!'
At the end of the same campaign |
several of the officers were relating their |
exploits, when Balakiref stepped in
among them. I've got little story to |
tell, too" cried he, boastfully; "a bet.
ter one than any OF yours ~
Let US hear il, them" answered the |
officers; and Balakiref began:
I" never liked this way of fighting,
all in crowd together, which they have |
nowadays; it seems to me more manly |
Tor each to stand by himself; and there
fore ! always went out alone. Now it |
CHANGED that one day, while recounoiter-
ing close to the enemy's outposts, sud.
denly espied Swedish soldier lying on |
the ground just in front of me There |
was not moment to lose; he might |
start up and give the alarm. J drew my |