The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-07-23
II U M 0 R 0 U S F..
The Deacon that Minked.

as "soda water" and which is dealt out SO
unsparingly at almost every corner during
the heated term, is considered, to use their
own language, =" thin drink" But as
the ingenious mixture of wind and water
is termed " thin, strong liquors, such as
whiskies, are altogether too thick" for
q steady, warm weather drink and so the
imbiber who must "moisten his huesP
with some liquid refreshment seeks plea
SAINT combination of the two classes of drink
which form happy combination that ex-
hilarates, yet is not Intoxicating. 1t is
customary among these bibulous go-be-
tweens to enter a drug store, call for soda
water, and name their syrup, at the same
time giving wink to the dispenser of
"slush, " who takes the goblet, in which
he places the syrup, then stoops down be-
meath the counter or retires to a back room
where by some mysterious chemical change
the contents are colored darkly, and the
soda is then let in upon the mixture, which
is handed to the customer with a wink from
the clerk. So much for the process. Now
for the sequel.
On Saturday venerable gentleman from
the country, who is a respectable church
deacon, a justice of the peace, a member of
the "Band of Hope" and Good Templar
in his native village, came to this city to
trade little in dry goods and purchase
such agricultural implements as he needed
to plant and cultivate his spring crops.
The deacon is strictly temperate, and never
looks upon the wine when it is red any
more than he does when it is any other
color Unfortunately our old friend had
suffered from opthalmia in his early days,
which left him with an optical popularity
which caused his left upper eyelid to drop
every few seconds, and to those not famil-
lar with his infrmity gave him the appear
ance of winking Intentionally.
The "deacon" is passionately fond of
soda water, and such light beverage. He
loves to feel the gaseous compound cours-
ing down his throat, and creating internal
commotions and typhoons, that, however
endurable by older persons, throw babes
into agony, and requires prompt doses of
peppermint So on Saturday, after he had
bought few shovels, plows, and a Dolley
Warden for his wife, he thought he would
fill up with soda water and drive on toward
home. He entered drug store, inquired
the price of the desired refreshment de-
posted his scrip and awaited his mixture.
"What syrup do you want?" said the
urbane clerk, as he mopped off the marble
| ~. I,o, ,aI -
before to remove the honest sweat from his
brow.
"Oh give me sassaparilly. That is
about as healthy as anything;I guess"
Here the deacon's eyeid went back on him
! and dropped quickly.
GAN right p replied the fountain ten
+ der, as he disappeared below the counter,
and came up a moment later with the
drinking-glass, containing about three fin
gers of "sassaparilly," to which he added
the other ingredients, and handed it to the
deacon. The latter drained the contents
to the very dregs, then brushed the froth
: from his mouth, smacked his lips and said:
Q "That syrup is a leetle stronger than
i, they generally make it but my blood is
/, out of order, and l guess I'll take another
t glass" At the same time his eyelid flut-
, tered meaningly, as before.
, The dose was repeated, and the soda
water bibber left the store. About half an
D hour later he entered another establish
ment where sign announced "Soda and
Mineral Water on Draught" 1t was no
ticed the deacon walked as if he had the
: string-halt, as he entered the door, and
$ that his spectacles were upside down on
his nose. He called for &C Congress water"
4 at that place saying he did not feel quite
! right, and was afraid he had used too much
! syrup in his soda water at the other store,
or else he was bilious. His optical weak
ness exhibited itself as he spoke and, re-
J turning the wink, the clerk retired to a
dark closet, then returning, filed up the
: glass with plain " Congress, and gave it
4 to our tightually slight" friend, who
4 swallowed it with out murmur.
!, How many "sodas" the deac on stored
away before he left the city we are unable
$ 5 to say but he was found late in the day
!; / asleep in his wagon, with plow-point for
R a pillow, and several yards of Dolly Warden
calico gracefully draped about his person
for covering. He revived sufficiently to
inform a stranger that he had been "drug-
ged," and a subsequent visit to the locali-
ties where he had taken soda water de-
. -