davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1872-05-17
A Clerical Joker.

The late Elder John Smith, of Kentucky, who died recently at an advanced age, was one of tbe most eccentric wits South ot the Ohio River. He was familiarly known throughout Kentucky as 'Raccoon Smith. J While still in the Baptist ministry, and attending one of the annual meetings oi that body, tall, lank, green specimen ot humanity presented himself before the Association as candidate for the ministry. He was not regarded as being of entirely sound mind, and labored under the hallu- cination that he was especially "called to preach," and kept constantly importun- ing the Association to grant him the neces- sary license. In addition to his particular ly unbalanced mind, young Meeks was the possessor of as huge and ungainly pair of feet as ever trod shoe-leather. Tired o1 his Opportunities, and not being disposed to grant the license, the Association hand ed .s,hiln over to Smith, with instructions to make an end of the case, and between them took place the following conversa- tion:
 Smith-So, Brother Meeks, you think you have special call to preach :?
 Meeks-Yes, the Lord has called me tC the work, but the Association refuses me the license.
 smith-How do you know you are call ed?
 Meeks-Know it! feel it in my heart of hearts. want my license.
 Smith-Do you believe the Bible Brother ,Meeks2
 Meeks-Certainly do-every word of it Smith-1f l can prove by the Bible tha you are not called to preach, will you b' satisfied to drop the matter, and no further importune the Association for { | license?
 Brother Meeks assented to this, ant Raccoon Smith deliberately opened thu New Testament at Romans x., 15, and il grave tone read: "How beautiful arr the feet of them that preach the gospel o peace," &c. Then, glancing at Meek large feet, he remarked: "You see Brother Meeks, that the feet of the preach CT are beautiful. You, sir, have the mos monstrously ugly feet of any man in th State of Kentucky; therefore, by thi Bible, it is clear that you have not beel especially called"
 As Smith finished his remarks, the en tire Association went off into paroxysn of laughter; and Meeks. really concluding that he had not been called" bolted iron the meeting house, and never after annoy ed the Assoclation for license.
Connecticut western news., 1872-05-17
A Chapter on Women.

A woman, notwithstanding she is the best of listeners, knows her business, and it is woman's business to please. vote, but do say that the woman who does not please is false note in the har- monies of nature. She may not have youth, or beauty, or even manner, but she must have something in her voice or expression, or both, which it makes you feel better disposed toward your race to look at or listen to. She knows that as well as we do and her first question after you have been talking your soul into her consciousness is, Did please A woman never forgets her sex. She would rather talk with a man than an angel, any day. Womanly women are very kindly critics, except to themselves, and now and then to their own sex. The less there is of sex about a woman, the more she is to be dreaded. But take 6 real woman at her best moment-wel dressed enough to be pleased with her. self, not so resplendent as to be show and a sensation, with the varied outside influences that set vibrating the har. monic notes of her nature stirring in the air about her-and what has social life to compare with one of those vital inter. changes of thought and feeling with hel that make an hour memorable |? What can equal her tect, her delicacy. hel subtlety of apprel ,nsion, her quickness to feel the changes of temperature as thu warm and cool currents of thought blow by turns At one moment she is mi croscoplcally intellectual, critical, scru pulous in judgment as an analysts bal ance, and the next as sympathetic as the open rose that sweetens the wind from whatever quarter it finds its way to he bosom. It is in the hospitable soul of ; woman that man forgets he is st1ang CT, and so becomes natural and truthful at the same time that he is mesmerize, by all those divine differences whic] make her mystery and bewilderment 70. H. Holmes.
Connecticut western news., 1872-05-17
Facts and FancIes.
Greece is being rapidly wiped out.

Greece IS being rapidly wiped out.
 Six cotton factories hum in Alabama,
 Blue sunshades lined with withe are re- puted genteel.
 The gamblers in San Francisco wear masks while dealing.
 Memphis, Tenn, puts tax of $3, 50 on every livery stable in the city.
 Kum-an-Semee is what Troy tobac conist calls the Indian in front of his store.
 What is the difference between Johnny Homer and Q printer? Johnny loved pie, and a printer don't.
 The man who by mistake dressed his hair with croton oil, finds his new wig very comfortable and becoming.
 The Saginaw (Mich. valley produced during the last five years 2,511, ,269, 719 feet of lumber and 3,028,915 barrels of salt.
 It is asserted that since the introduc- tion of coal refneries along the bank of the Delaware and Schuylkill Rivers, the fine flavor of the shad caught in them has greatly deteriorated.
 Maggie Mitchell" is forty years of age, and has been on the stage ever since she could walk. She married MT. Paddock in 1868, after fourteen years courtship, and has two children. A Kansas crack marksman was lately acquitted on charge of assault with in tent to kill by showing in the back yard that if he had fired at the man intend ing to kill him, he would surely have done it.
 There are 215 cadets at the U, s. Nav al Academy, 39 of whom were appointed by the President, are naval apprentic- es, 3 Japanese students, one is from the District of Columbia, and 169 from tho various States.
 "Fred," said father to his son, s'I hear that you and your wife quarrel and wrangle every day. "Whoever told you that, father, was totally mistaken; my wife and haven't spoken to one another for a month"
 In Massachusetts, recently, there was wedding in which the bridegroom, q widower of nearly seventy, married lady whom he and his former wife had brought up from infancy, and who had lived in his family as daughter for forty years.
 It would be no great islander, says MT. Pouffe, Parisian theatrical manager on the witness stand, to write of an actress that she was unlearned, or of judge that he was bandy-legged; but supposing one were to cali the judge unlearned, and the actress bandy-legged, there would be the sting.
 A gentleman visited theatre at Dan- ielsonville, Ct, the other night in com pany with young lady, and uncon- seiously seated himself directly in front of his wife, who, not 1elishing the situa- tion, proceeded to take down the young lady's back hair, and remove sundry articles of jewelry and wearing apparel from her person, without the formality of an introduction. It is not stated who was the wife's escort.
 MT. James Pendlebury, who lives in Cambridgeport, while lately cleaning out an ash pit in the house he occupied, found quantity of human bones ir the ashes, together with a knife, Q razor, some buttons and other articles, which had the appearance of having been ex- } posed to fire. About the same time he discovered more human bones buried in the garden adjoining the house. He has occupied the house for about year. The authorities are Investigating the matter.
Connecticut western news., 1872-05-17
Desperate Thieves.

A night watchman in Mr. John N. Stearns's silk manufactory, in East For ty-second street, near Third avenue, N. Y.,S heard the rap of club on the door of the warehouse few nights since. "Who is there ?" inquired Shelly. "An officer, replied voice. "What do you want ?'' "Open the door there are two thieves in your building." Mir. Shelly, distrusting the man, opened the door slightly and cautiously. Instantly three men, one in the garb of policeman, and the other two in civilians dress, with masks, made rush and burst it in. The spurious policeman struck the watchman twice on the head with his club, while his two confederates clapped pair of bracelets on his wrists, having drawn his hands behind his back. The burglars then tied rope around his legs and thrust gag into his mouth. They car- ried him to the middle of the building, and having laid him on the floor one of them kept guard. The burglar in police uniform then said: Watchman, we don't want to hurt you, but we want to show boss Stearns what we can do. The burglar on guard very considerably gathered some old rags together and put them under the watchman's head for a pillow. Two of the thieves then started on tour through the factory in quest of booty, and carried off about $2,OOO worth of unfinished silk. The burg glar in policeman's dress stripped off and left the uniform, together with sledge-ham- mer and jimmy, behind him. The thieves left the door open, and the watchman was discovered early in the morning. It took three hours to file off his handcrffs The police think that this is another job of the Nineteenth Ward gang of thieves. MT. Stearns was very fortunate that the thieves did not call the night previous, as in that case they would have secured about $S,000 worth of finished goods As it was, the burglars, in their haste, passed over $1, 300 worth of made silk, and secured the unfinished material, which it will be veay difficult for them to sell,
Connecticut western news., 1872-05-17
Fashion Notes.

Very large fans are fashionable this year, and are of gold lece or fringe.
 Large silk scnrfs, the color of the dress or pretty contrasting color, are now universally worn instead of the lace scarf. .' Colored silk hose and high heeled kid or silk slippers to match the dress is the fashionable ''foot toilette" for home wear. Some very beautiful sacques are made of the colored guipure faces, in blue, tan, or pink, with revers and turn over collar.
 The latest style of parasol has the han dle and top made of Russian leather mounted in gold.
 A new style of overdress for full toi- lette is made of the gaily brocaded fou- lard, having deep skirt, and being cut low in the neck with short sleeves. The skirt is trimmed with deep black lace, and the low corsage has a pufing and fall of lace. A scarf of crepe de chine of any bright color, as blue, pink or yellow, may be worn with this polanaise, being fastened upon the right shoulder and crossing to the left side. This gar ment is very dressy made of the pretty | figured grenadines and trimmed in the same manner, as organdie and finished with ruf1es of the same.
 A very stylish visiting dress of blue silk is made with the skirt d train, and without trimming. The waist forms a Lousis XV vest in front, and has postil- lion basques at the back; basque of black silk, tight-itting, and elaboJately trimmed with wide Chantilly lace. Hat of blue tulle, with white plumes and blue bow, and blue strings tied under the chin. Another stylish walking dress is made of pale yellow mohair, the skirt having deep flounce bound with ma room. The basque is trimmed with the same color. With this is worn 8 black silk casaque, richly trimmed with black gulpure, and bias bands of satin.
 Charming little mantles or fichus fol Summer may be easily made by anybody who possesses either wide founce o1 Chantilly lace or white point. The flowers may be plaited, caught at the back with bow of ribbon, festoone6 gracefully at the shoulders, then crossed in front and carried to the back may bt arranged so as to form little overskirt or to fall CD coquille, that is, in spira form. A founce of black lace thus ar ranged is suitable either for the promen ade or for indoor toilette, while whit' lace fchu of this style is an elegant ad dition to full dress toilette.
Connecticut western news., 1872-05-17
The Sandwich Islanders.

Mark Twain tells the following story of early life in the Sandwich Islands
 In the rural districts of the islands the traveller hourly comes upon parties of dusky maidens bathing in the streams or in the sea without any clothing on, and in no very intemperate zeal in the mat ter of hiding their nakedness. When the missionaries first took mp their resi- dence in Honolulu the native women would pay their families frequent friend ly visits day by day not even clothed with blush. It was found hard mat ter to convince them that this was rather indelicate. Finally the missionaries pro- vided them with long loose calico robes, and that ended the difficulty, for the women would troop through the town stark naked with their robes folded un- der their arms, march to the missionary houses, and then proceed to dress. The natives soon manifested 8 strong pro clivity for clothing, but it was shortly apparent that they only wanted it fol grandeur. The missionaries imported $ quantity of hats, bonnets, and other male and female wearing apparel, insti tuted genera! distribution, and begged the people not to come to church next Sunday naked, as usual. And they dio not but the national spirit of unset fishness led them to divide up with theil Gion, and next Sabbath the poor preach. CTS could hardly keep countenance be. fore their vast congregations. In the midst of the reading of the hymn { brown, stately dame would sweep up the aisle with world of airs. with nothing in the world on but 'sstovepipe" hat and pair of cheap gloves another would enter with @ flourish, with simply the sleeves of the bright calico dress tied around her waist, and the rest O. the garment dragging behind like pea cocks tail off duty :; another was attiret in mans shirt a stately "buck Ka naka would stalk in with a woman's bon net on, wrong part before, only this anl nothing more after him would strid, his fellow with the legs of pair of pan taloons around his neck, the rest of hi person untrammelled in his rear woult come another gentleman simply gottei up in fiery necktie and 8 striped waist coat. The poor creatures were beamins with complacency and wholly uncons cious of any absurdity in their appear ance. The spectacle which the congre gation presented was so extraordinary and withal so moving, that the mission aries found it difficult to keep to tn text and go on with the sermon an, by and by when the children of the SUI began a general swapping of garment in the open meeting, and produced som irresistibly grotesque effects in til course of redressing, there was nothin for it but to cut the thing short with tn benediction and dismiss the fantasti | assemblaoe,
Connecticut western news., 1872-05-17

Nor F1ATrER1Na.-A correspondent who has recently returned to England from the South African diamond fields gives very discouraging account of the place. Thus he estimates that during the spring of last year the value of the stones discovered did not exceed $225, GOO per month, while at the various camps no less than 30,000 people were engaged, either as diggers, or in SUD- plying the wants of the diggers. Since then, however, the supply has been tripled, owing to the discovery of 8 small field of extraordinary richness. Nearly four-ffths of the whole amount of dia- monds discovered, come, it is calculated, from little hillock of only 20 acres in extent, to which half the mining popu- latlon has focked. Under these circum- stances, it is not probable that the pre- sent extraordinary yield will be long maintained, depending, as it does on a casual "find," and not on the, average richness of the fields,
Connecticut western news., 1872-05-17

A CRUEL "SE1n. - The Bangor (Maine) Whiq says thirsty fellow enter ed @ meat shop on the East sidc day or two since, and, approaching one of the proprietors in mysterious manner, ask ed if he could get something to drink there. He was answered in the afirKa- tive, and told that the firm had some splendid ale on tap. The strangers eyes glistened, and his mouth watered when he of the eleaver, after trip to the back shop, returned with big mug filled with clear, amber-colored fluid. "Drink quick the police may be in at any mo- ment, ," cautioned the meat man, and the stranger, hastily following the advice, swallowed couple mouthfuls of the liq- uid. "The scene that ensued" can best be imagined when we state that the "ale" was old beef-piclkle, as salt as the Dead Sea, with body" unequalled by XXX
Connecticut western news., 1872-05-17

How TO EAT AN ORANaE.-Brazil is 6 great country for oranges, and the Bra zilians know how to eat the delicious fruit. To enjoy an orange thoroughly, says one of the newspaper correspon- dents in Professor Agassiz's present ex- petition, you should eat in Brazilian fashion You slice a segment of the flower end deep enough to go complete ly through the skin then replacing the segment, thrust a fork through it to the very centre of the orange, if the tines are long enough. Holding the fork in your left hand, peel the orange with a very sharp small table knife, slicing all the skin off, the segment at the base of the fork being in this operation shield to prevent any danger of cutting the left thumb. Now, with two cuts of the knife dissect out the pulp of one of the pockets and convey it to the mouth. Follow this up, pocket by pocket, and the skins of the pockets remain on the fork, like the leaves of book open un. til the covers touch. - Saa Francisco R,y1Lpfi9l
Connecticut western news., 1872-05-17

A SOAP M1NE.-According to the Pueblo Chieftai, of Colorado, 6 promi- nent citizen of that place noticed in the banks of stream called the Fountain what appeared to be stone of peculiar formation. He broke off a piece, and taking it to the creek plunged itinto the water for ascertaining the consistency and grain. Upon taking it out of his hands, what was his surprise to see a lather formed, and with vigorous rub ping the stone proved to have sapona- ceous qualities, in fact possessed all the cleansing virtues of the most excellent soap. The stone is said to be of dun color, about the hardness of chalk, and forms 0 very perfect father, while it effectually removes all stains and grease spots from clothing. After washing it leaves the skin as smooth as that of a newborn babe, while the odor is quite pleasant,
Connecticut western news., 1872-05-17

A WISE SPoUsE.-A lady in New York, of French percentage, bright, witty, and good, became the wife of gentleman whose business called him to Paris regularly every summer. In his youth his pace had been rapid, and the lady's relatives gave many shakes of the head when talking of the marriage. He told her very frankly that he had been of naughty habits, but promised to be proper. And he made very good hus- band. On each return from Paris he brought her some nice little present. sometimes bonnet, sometimes dozen of Alexandre's, sometimes dress. But on this, his eighth return, he surprised her by placing in her hands a magniti- cent lace shawl, the cost of which could not have been less than seven or eight hundred dollars. We'll might her bright eyes sparkle, as they did, over the ex- quisite gossamer-ike gift. Putting an arm tenderly around his neck and giving him soft, sweet kiss, she said: An, what a good, kind husband you are to bring me such beautiful present "But, Charley dear," with roguish smile,) "how bad you must have been this last time ;" She knew him
Connecticut western news., 1872-05-17
An Indian Court.

Western writer tells this story, found in the records of the Michigan Pioneer Society: Kishkawko was chief of an Indian band in the Saginaw country. One of his band was arraigned before him and a jury for an offence of capi- tai character.
 After hearing the evidence, the jury pronounced the prisoner-who sat com pletely covered with. blankets in the middle of the circle. that he might not see the faces of his judges, custom re- calling the night trials of the old Greeks not guilty. The chief asked the fore man why they had acquitted the prison CT. Because he is not guilty by our law" was the reply.
 Kishkawko arose quietly, and drawing his tomakawk, drove it crashing into the skull of the shrouded prisoner, kill ing him instantly, exclaiming as he did SO: "That law is changed now" The old chief was destined to a tragic end. Some years later he and his son were arrested for the murder of another In dian, and sentenced to death by jury at Detroit. The two prisoners agreed to commit suicide by poison, and sc cheat the ignom1nious gallows.
 The old man swallowed some deadly herb, wrapped his robe around him and passed away, but the younger lost cour- age at the last moment and so did mol share his fate. We'll for him he die not. A few days later he broke jai ard escaped, and a short time after President John Quincy Adams pardonet him. So ends a romance of this conti
Connecticut western news., 1872-05-17

A SLEEPY LEaIs1AToR.-Not ong lsince sleepy member of the lower branch of the legislature requested fellow-mem- Der to wake him when a certain bill in- volving the interests of lumbermen came mp. This agreed upon, the sleepy mem Der was soon 1t n in the .d dhsPpy tPy land of bill upon theft and perjury came up that day. So when the latter bill was fairly underway, the sleepy member was aroused. He rubbed his eyes arose and addressed the speaker: ''Mr. Speaker, l wish to say few words upon the bill, for the fact is, the most of the people up our way make their living by this trade" It is needless that his remarks were appreciated and highly applauded. -Spr'n0feld, (M.) Journal.
Connecticut western news., 1872-05-17

BASE INaRATrTUDE.-A Detroit man, who had contributed bundle of his cast-of clothing for the relief of the vic- tims of the Minnesota fire, received from one of the sufferers the following note
 "The committy man giv me, amongst other things, wat he called pare ov pants, and 'twood make me pant sum to ware'em. I found your name an where you live on one ov the pokits. My wife laffed so when shode lem to her that I thot she would have conipshun fit. She wants to no if there lives and brethes a man who has legs no bigger than that. She sed if there was, he orter to be taken up fur vigrinsy fur havin' no visible means ov support. couldent get lem on my oldest boy, so used 'em fur gun cases. If you hay another pare to spare my wife wood like to get 'em to hang ur by the side ov the fire place to keep the tOnps in. 7"
Connecticut western news., 1872-05-17
THE JUBILEE COLISEUM BLOWN DowN

THE JUBILEE COLISEUM BLOWN DOWN. Persons in various parts of the city of Boston, were started by hearing what sounded like peal of thunder, apparent ly coming from the southwest. Those os Gosssan in the Ss ef spsey Sls s6 tion of the mystery for it was found tLe gigantic truss wall and towers of the building had fallen in mass of ruins. The report of the terrible crash was heard for miles. One of the end towers had reached the height of 11O feet, while the truss destroyed was 40 feet high, and had span of 300 feet,