Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1872-06-06
SNAlkS AND BABIES.

SNAlkS AND BABIES.
~o"A Josh Billings' spicc-lsox.
,- STRIPED SNAKE.
The striped snake il one ov the slip
peryest jobs that natur ever turned
loose. Il is:s, =
They travel Oh the lower side ov
themselfs, and kan slip out ov sight
like blowing out kandle. They were
made for sum good purpose, but I never
have been informed for what, unless it
Waz tew hav their heds smashed.
They are sed to be innocent, but they
hav got bad reputashun, and all tho
innocence i'll the world won't kure a
bad reputashun.
They live in the grass, but seldom git
slept on, because they don't stay long
enuif in the right place.
When waz little boy, and wore
naked feet, md waz loating around
loose for strawberrys, I waz often
times just going to step on o striped
snaik, but it alwas cured me ov straw
bcrrys.
If II striped snnik got into tcn-acre
lot before I did, I ulwus considered
tllat MI the strawberrys in that lot be-
longed tew the snaik.
"Fust come, fust sarve," waz mi
motto.
am just az afraid of snaiks now az
waz 40 years ago, and if I should live
tew be ~ old az Nebudkennezer waz,
and 60 to grass as he did, one striped
snaik would spoil 50 akres ov good pas
turc for me.
Wimmip don't luy snaiks emmy moro
than do, and T respakt her for this.
How Oh earth Eve was seduced by a
snaik il fust-class MYSTERY tew me,
and if 1 hadn't read 1t in the Bible /
would bet against it,. it', =:
I belea"e everything thare il in the
Bible, the things kant understand 1
beleave the most. =
wouldn't swop oph the phaith
hay got for any living mans knowledge.
Snaiks are ov all sorts and all sizes,
and the smaller theynre the more I am
afratle ov them. =,
I wouldn't buy a farm at half price
that had q striped snaik upon it.
Ded snaiks are weakness with me !;
I always respekt them, and whenever /
sec a ded one on the road, don't drop
u tear on him. but I drop stone on
him, for fear he might alter his mind
and come tew life agin, for snaik
hates tew die Just az mulch az kat
duz-
l never coult a6kount for snaik or O
kat hateing tew die 80 bad, unless il
waz bekauze they waz so poorly pre-.
pared for deth.
" BABYs.
Babys luv with all mi heart; they
are mi sweetmeats; they warm up mi
blood like gin sling; they krawl into
me and nestle by the side ov mi soul
like kitten under cook stove.
I hav raized babys miself, and kno
what I am talking about. -
hav got grandchildren, and they
are wuss than the fust krop tew riot
amung the feelings. !. :: -,
II 1 could havmy way, I would change
all the human beings now on the face
ov the earth buck: into babys at once,
and keep Them thare, and make this
footstool one grand nnssery but what
I should do for wet muses. I don't kno,
nor don't care.
would like tew have Is babys now
on mi lap, and mi lap amt the handy
est lap in the world for, babys, neither.
Ny lap il long snuf, but not the
widest kind NV lap.
I am a good deal NV man, but ]
konsist oy length principally, and when
make lap ov miself, It IL not mat
trass, but more like couple ov rails
with o lint in them.
I can hold more babys in mi lap al
once than any man in America, without
spilling one, but 1t hurts the babys.
I never saw o. baby in my life that
didn't want tew kiss; am wuss than
an old maid i'm this respekt..: = +
havsseen hfbys that have refused
tew kiss until they had been wasn't
but thesbaby want tow blame for this;
neither waz i.
Thare are folks in, this world! who
say they don't luv babys, but yu kan
depend upon it, when they waz babys
sumbody loved them.
Babys Inv me, too. / kan take them
out iOv their mothers arms Just ez eazy
az kan an unfedged bird out ov hiq
nest. They luv me bekauze luv them.
And here let me say, for the comfort
and consolashun ov mothers, that
whenever they see me on the cars or on
the steambote, out ov q job, they
needn't hesitate a minnit tew drop q
clean fat baby into mi lap; will hold
it, and kiss it, and he thankful besides.
Perhaps there IL people who don't
envy me all this, but it il one ov the
sharp cut, well-defned joys ov mi life,
my love for babys and their love fol
| me.
Perhaps there il people who will cal
it a weakness. don't care what they
call it, bring on the babys. Unkle JOSH
haz always a kind word and kiss TO,
the babys. - -.
love babys for the truth there il il
them, amt afraid their kiss will be-
tray me, there is no frauds, ded beats
nor counterseits among them.
L wish I was baby, not only once
more, but forevermore.