The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1872-07-12
RCcOICctiOHs Of DOHy Iarden.


Dolly Warden was luuatic. When
she died. ike the prophet Of Old, she
she'd her mantle-and all the world has
gone for it. After the death OF old
Dolly Warden, her father, she went to
live with her uncle "Barnaby Rudge.' .
1t was here she met with a distinguish
suished author, who dipped his pen in
geographical ink, sketched her history
and raised the Dickens with the world.
Dolly Warden was not always insane,
but she was always woman, and, con-
sequently, excessively wild on the sub
iect of dress Dress was her ambition,
This 1t was that crazed her, and for
punishment she was doomed to everlast.
ing chintz. Chintz is calico Chintz
is Dolly Warden.
Chintz is the epidemic that is sweep
ing like two simoons broadcast over the
land. My wife Mary Ann has had it.
At first we all thought it was the vario
loid, then she carried on so we thought
it was the very old boy, but it broke out
in Dolly Warden rash. Awful rash.
She is frightful picture to look at, for
the disease has left It's ungainly marks
upon her fornl-which was never pic.
turesque. Last week she made the fol-
lowing motion at one of our breakfast
table debates: "Resolved, that the sum
of thirty dollars be expended in making
the female head Of this house presenta-
ble in society" followed in few
appropriate remarks on the insufhcency
of money to make person presentable
who lacked grace, modesty, comeliness,
and all the cardinal virtues, and offered
as an amendment the following: Re-
solved, That the thirty dollars alluded
TO be obtained before it is expended
on the head Cor back Of this house -
4 left without stopping 10 vote on the
But it came not tie thirty dollars,
but the Dolly Warden. We had an heir
loom il the family-a combined trundle
bed and lounge. 1t was my great large
and was covered with
chintz The figures on it represented
columbus discovering America in three
vessels, and "Hottentots gathering bu-
chu leaves at the Cape of Good Hope"
These pictures had fascinated my infant
eyes, and were the idol of my measly.
scarlet fever childhood. But, alas
they fell victim to the Dolly Warden
Ny wife got after it, and in a
few hours it was Dolly Vardened | felt
that the last LUX that chained me to
my grandmother had been broken. Had
it been the link in my matrimonial
chain l should not have sighed but poor
grandmother, Dolly Vardencd out Of
shall not attempt 70 describe |
Mary AIMS appearance in her lounge .
cover suit
She looked like bill to circus,
The most insane object in life
and could but exclaim, as gazed on her form
MARY Ann, you're the Devils own wife.
| believe that woman would give
me up, rather than part with that un-
civilized, and unchristianized Dolly
Warden.
Last week our Orange County COW
came in" for the spring trade. The
,alf (which was a white spotted thing
was Immediately christened Dolly Var
len" | demonstrated ON the ground of
cruelty to animals" and explained that
It was not bovine, or a cowvine, but
and belonged to the other sex
but all in vain it had to be Vardened.
Poor, little, disgraced brute, l shall kill
it before it realizes what its name is.
So constantly has this name rung in
my ears that | inquired in the drug
store for some Dolly Warden pills, and
Dolly Warden onion seed. The next
sewing society meets at our house to
make Dolly Vardens for the little naked
heathen. Tomorrow Mary Ann com.
mences her house cleaning orgies, and |
take my annual higera. | wonder if
she will clean house in her Dolly Var.
den. ! can conceive of nothing more
formidable, awful, terrible, than a
mixture of house cleaning and Dolly
Warden. | never interfere in house
cleaning, but leave it all TO Mary AIMS