Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-03-22

HumOr.
Culinary Mem.-How TO serve Dinner
properly-eat it.
The vulgar fashionable woman is spid er
attempting to spin silk.
A Western bachelor editor inserts mar
riages under melancholy Accidents.
Another one If dinner could speak,
what would it say? Give noe none Of your
jaw.
There is time for all things. The time
to "leave" is when a young lady asks you
how the walking is.
A darkey says, all men are made Of clay;
and, like meerschaum-pipes, are more valu-
able when highly colored.'
A western woman in advertising her run
away husband, says: David has a scar on
bis nose where scratched it!'
A sick man was told that his wife would
probably marry again. 'All right said he,
there will be one man to lament my death.
A writer describing the exodus from
Eden, says: The devil drove woman out of
Paradise. bu. he couldn't drive paradise out
of women
A musical whisky bottle is the latest
combination Of art and convenience in Ma
con, Ga Everybody is drinking out Of it
and wondering.
It is not true that doctor on the Itch
away from bis patents mass e +
will all get we'll.
1t has been said that the only ofdce-hold-
ers who leave Washington permanently, are
those who are sent to the penitentiary
None resign or decline voluntarily.
A Dutch justice give the following oath to
witness: You do awfully swore you will
tell the trute, the whole trute and nothing
but the trute, the best what you can't
A St. Louis lawyer attempted to try a
case the other day when he was half drunk.
but the Judge stopped him, saying: No
lawyer can serve two bars at the same
timer
An artillerist's wife asked him the other
day if there were three balls in tier of
grape shot Yes responded the sentiment
tai soldier, and perhaps great many tears
in every ball.
An Irishman applying for license to sell
Nhiskey. was asked if he possessed good
moral character. "Faith. yer honor" re-.
piled Pat, Il don't see the necessity for a
good moral character to sell whisky
What can be wetter than q woman with
cataract in her eye, waterfall on her
head, creek in her back, forty springs 10
her skirt, and high-tied shoes? why, one
with notion 10 her head, and swimming in
tears
A yonng lady says that a gentleman
ought never to feel discouraged when the
.momeptous question is negatived BY the
object of his choice, for in life, as in
grammar, we always decline before we con-
jugate
A Fenian over the water was called on
for toast. He gave the following:
All bail the American aigle!
Proud bird Of freedom, all hail!
Ihe fowl that no one can invagle,
Or put salt en- it, beautiful tail.
A Boston liquor dealer, on being arrest.
ed by virtuous constable. offered 800 if
the officer wouldn't search the wood pile -
The official, stern in bis integrity, refused,
and had to cord up seven cords of wood af-
ter unpilipg it He is sorry he didn't take
the twenty dollars.
A gentleman in search of man to do
some work met on his way highly respect
able lady, not as young as she once was, and
asked her, Can you tell me where can
find man ? No, cannot she replied,
for have been looking these twenty years
for one myself
A little boy, on returning home from
church was asked by his mother to give the
text. After thoughtful pause, the little fell
low replied, 4 don't hardly remember, but it
was something about hawk between TIVE
pigeons. The text was, Why halt ye be-
tween two opinions p
Madame Boivin vaiply tried to get paid
for some cravats which young flop had
bought of her. At last she sent in her bill
Two dozen fancy satin policemen what
does this mean ? asked the dandy. What
are satin policemen 2 Your cravats.' was
the reply, for they take a thief by the
trhoat every morning.
An Episcopal clergyman meeting Bar.
mum, the Snowman, the other day, after in
curing for his health, physical and spiritual,
said, 'Barnum, I always liked you. You
are good fellow, and trust we shall meet
in heaven or said the imperturable
Snowman, with the twinkle in his eye, 4
have no doubt we shall--if you are here'
Marriage ceremony as too often per-
ormed: Clergyman Ito lady)-'Wilt thou
take this fine mansion-carriage jewels-self.
wheeling -bathchair-aannels-pillows-aud
appliances-for-the,gout. to be thy welded
husband J L will Clergyman Ito gentle.
NAM: Wilt thou take this bale ofcotton-
Muscovite Observation-Disclosures