The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1872-09-06
MOROl'S.

An cnterprising Quaker greaSes a
thirty foot bmrl. fills it full of fish
hooks, and sets it up at an angle OF
forty-tivc degrees. witha pretty slice
of old cheese ut the top, Thirty rats
went for the cheese in one night. and
his rat fishery was successfully dem
onStra ,cd the next morning.
what shall we name our little bOy?'
said Young wife to her husband.
,a'all him Peter"
"Oh, no | never knew anybody
named Peter that could earn his salt. y
We'll. clll him salt Peter. then.
4 doctor and Il Campbellite preach
er ridingalong togctherin the outskirts
of Kingston. Missouri. not long ago,
overlook raggcdsTchin witha string
of small fish. which he had just caught
in a creek close BY. The preacher
ac,osted the lad in a patronizing way:
NV son, what do you call those
fiSh:' /,
'CampbelliteS, promptly responded
the boy.
why do you call them Campbell
ites:?' !.
Because they spoil 50 quick after |
get them ont Of the water.
| was riding in the cars some days
ago. and sat along>idea fellow who
was weather-beatelI, as II he kstl been
sitting six weeks astrlddle ofa water
melon, trying to put ont the SIN BY
splitting at it. We coversed. | said
to him. Whats yonr name
Says he, 'Adolphns.'
SAYS |. Your mothers lnmc?
Says he. Mary
looked amazed. pnd says |. Mary.
Mary Tan it be possible that you are
the lamb%
Saws he. THE what?'
Saws |. THE lamb that Mary hail.
lie revealed the fact that he was
not the lamb, aud lie further observed,
1T is all fired hot.
says |, Did you ever visit a tropical
climr?'
says he "A what?'
SAYS |. a hot cline
Saws he. '.Iilnmimy erik, stranger.
I've ploughel mp side hill Fourth Of
July when the >llll set my straw iai
son fire. AMI if that amt u hot clint
why hain't been to one rs YET.
Before had time to reply, the con
ductor CAME along and shouted tick
cts.
Gceny-l've got none.
Conductor Money then.
(ireelly-I lahl't any.
C0lnlnctm-li0t Il lrlsS:?
Grppny-No. lailI't gotta pass.
ComluctOr-'rh Thunder and spikes
YOU don't expect to travel on these ear
for nothing. do you.
Gneny-Yon advertise to take afel
ow for nothing anyhow.
CondnctOr-lIow so!
Greenv-Why. down there into you
orifice in Cincinnati. you've got
great big gn stuck up IN store writ
iny. it says. Through to New Yorl
without change
! The conductor dropped his ancIlo
and PIT that fellow ashore right by
big white post with some black letter
on itwhich read G 30 miles Wan
dering John. inthe New York Sun.
4 Clairvoyunt atlverti4es in an east
4rt exchange her abilityt to ''tell OH
! future and to unfold the record Of OIL
fate" if we Awill send our ''lair an'
ewes in a sealed envelope. Alas
we cannot. We are exceedingly anx
ious to have our future told; We wan
TO have the record ofonr fate uitOldetl
but we have no lmir-we are bald
and we cannot spare otlr eyes-w'
dare not entrlst them to sealed ell
yelope. Some arrangements might b.
made. perhaps. If the seer would SEM
reliable man to take those eyes will
him III a carpet-bag; but how TO d
about the hair We cannot tell. I'll
very sad that q mans inflrmities cal
| thus bar his way to bliss; but It's so
and we must submit.
The most ingenious, practical sar
casm ever made use OF was that Of tn
late Rev. Robert Hall, addressed to