Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-07-05

Had stouter grew
On too much sugar-which you do !'
HumOr.
The chasm that swallowed up wit-Sar-
casm.
A girl has ringing laugh when she is
belle.
The best style of writing -righting
wrong.
Maids of Honor-Those who do not jilt
suitors.
Piece-makers Steam, gunpowder and
glycerine.
The spendthrifts prayer-"Leave me a.
loan, will you ;"
An irreverent butcher styles his house
Westinghouse. ' re-
The favorite song Of the Siamese Twins
is, We aoere Boys Together.
The debt Of nature should never be paid
If it can't be paid without an execution.
When may man be said to breakfast be-
fore he gets up? When he takes roll in
bed.
Good Advice-Never do anything by
halves, except when you send us banknotes
by post.
eff all the world were blind, said an Irish
clergyman, what melancholy sight it
would be p
A Jew on seeing proiigiously fac ham,
remarked: ''Thou almos. persuadest me to
be christian
ri have very little respect for the ties of
this world, as the chap said when the rope
was put around his neck.
A man who works for living should
marry woman taller than himself. 1.-THE
laborer is worthy Of his higher"
The New York piano.makers are now
reported to be on strike. That's nothin g
-pianists are always on strike.
Life is a contradiction We send to our
butcher for a sweet-bread; and if we want
a sweet.meat, we send to our baker!
Potato bugs are woefully painted sitting
up on their hind legs on Iowa fences, and
weeping at the backwardness Of the season.
A foreign medical journal remarks that
the most warlike nation of modern times is
vaccination, because it is always in arms.
A little girl sent out to hunt eggs, came
back unsuccessful, complaining that lots of
hens were standing around doing nothing.
Josh Billings says: cit is statistical
fact that the wicked work harder few reach
hell than the righteous do tew get to heav-
a lady, widowed by the Chicago confa-
grafton, has been recently remarked. Her
fire.
An old lady thinks the Bonds must be a
family Of strong religious instincts, because
she hears of so many of them being con-
verted.
Some one observed the other day that
matches were made in heaven" eyes"
answered wag, 'and they are often dipped
in the other place"
What should man carry with him when
calling upon his affianced Affection in his
heart, perfection in his manners, and con-
lection in his pockets.
An Irishman being asked in court for his
certificate Of marriage, showed big scar on
bis head about the shape of a shovel, which
was pronounced satisfactory.
The editor Of an Eastern paper having re-
ceiyed bank note detector, returned thanks,
and modestly asks for soma bank notes up
on which to test its accuracy.
"Are you alarmed at the approach of ter
rors 2" said a minister to sick man. "Oh
no, I have been living with the queen of
terrers-the king cannot be much worse.
A cynical society man says he does not
object to keeping the commandment which
tells him to love his neighbor as himself pro.
vided that neighbor is woman and pretty.
Harry, you ought not to throw away nice
bread like that; you may want it some day.
We'll, mother. would I stand any better
chance Of getting it then if I should eat it
nowT
A Chicago congregation pricked up its
ears when the minister said 81 have land
to SELL" but dropped off to sleep again
when he added: "the beautiful land on
high"
A man who pretended to have seen
ghost was asked what the ghost said to him,
allow could I understand replied the mar
rator, "what he said +? am not skilled in
any Of the dead languages"
A very modest young lady who was a
passenger on board packet ship, it is said,
sprang out Of her berth and jumped over
board, on hearing the captain during storm
order the mate to haul down the sheets.
"Angelina, my angel, can you tell me
why your lovely eyes are like friends sepa.
rated by distant chimes r 'sMo, Augustus.
I can't. Tell me, oh tell me, why they're
thus?' because they correspond, but
never meet"
Somebody says "devil' is mean word
any way it may be written. Remove the d
and it is "evil," transpose the and it is
"vile," remove the v and it is Ill" remove
the and remains, which has the aspirate
sound Of "hell."
Some persons were discussing the proba
BILE nationality Of a very tall and slim for
.on Iodv who mt IN unucual oire ssT tb;rI>