The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1872-02-09
THAT BABY.


| winning manner, which instantane
Ously captured the hearts of all male
| bipeds who approached.
call Mrs. Whiffters pretty, though
her features were not correct wheI
tried by the standard of classical
beauty, because of one smile which
always lit up her face and transfused
it with subtle magnetic power OF
attraction there was no resisting
Strange, almost incredible as it NAV
appear, she was no less a favorite
with women than with men
whether it was on account of her in.
tense Wonanliness, her ready SYM
pathy with all questions of dress, heI
omnisembracing charity, or some
more mystic and profound chord oi
nature. is a fact whose solution must
be left to some abysmaI psychologist.
But, although delighJing to walk
on the Avenue in the glory of be-
witching costumes, adapted to dazzle
and beWilder masculine eyes, and as
fond of afternoon performances at the
theatres as if she were born in the
city which country editors think if
funny to call Gotham, her mind and
all its constituent parts were wrapped
up in two objects. One of these OBJ
' II
red Whiskers, blue eyes and brown
hair, answering to the name of Jack
Whiffters. 1t Kissed her every morn
ing with much JUNCTION, and then
departed downtown" )" that mysteri-
Gus bourne from which SO many
travellers meier return, save with
empty pockets. Mr.. Whiffters, how
ever, was sustained by the unfaltering
trust universally placed in him, and
his better-half never knew an un-
gratified wish-tO be sure, her wishes
were always moderate. The other
object which shared her heart was a
pink-faced, laTge-eyed, bald headed
anomaly, entitled indiscrinlinateIy
Jack; Junior (by his father), precious
darling (by his mother), pooty eetIe
sing {by Observation-Disclosures young
ladies), the nuisance (by Mr.. Whiffz
ters' bachelor brother), and that Baby
(by Miss Maria Quilts).
Almost holding it as a fortieth arti-
Gle, that her baby was the wisest,
handsomest and altogether the most
remarkable of its species that had
ever hOnOred the earth by appearing
on its surface, Mrs. Whifters was ac-
custOmed, when speaking of it, to
Withdraw the spigot of discretion
from the barrel of love, and so deIuge
her friends with its praises that they
sometimes vaguely wondered how it
was possible so small q body could be
such gignatic bore. $50.
With mothers and young ladies
who were so young, it was of course
an entirely different thing they were
never weary of inquiriDg and hear
ing about the last tooth, or of watch
ing the infants mentally tottering
steps on the road toward intelligence.
1t was the young ladies who were not
young that condemned the beautiful
exhibition of 8 tender mothers art
less love. and wished Mrs. WhiffCerS
to understand that her baby was nol
so very different from those of other
people, since all infants looked alike
Chief among these ammoniacaI
critics of the boarding house was the
Miss Maria Quilts already referred to;
a tough, WirY virgin of some five or
eight and thirty years, as near as
could be guessed by one who burst
not penetrate the Eleusinian myBter-
les of her front" She had a room
above that of Mrs. Whiffters, and
there occupied a good portion of her
time in the chaste solemnities of her
toilet. It would be slander to say that
she was angling for husband, but it
looked remarkably suspicious that
when Mr.. PotteTs, the theological
student came to the house, she was
greatly troubled about free will and
predestinatiOn, and sought his advice
with much assiduity. He was a weak
eyed, flabby young man, and on one
occasion was heard to tell her, con-
fidentiaHy, that he thought St. Paul
somewhat mistaken in his ideas about
women. At which she smiled grac-
iously.
Day by day Miss Quilts and the
student became more friendly, and
from discussing st. Paul and women
in the abstract, had now come down
or assembled, as the reader may pre-
fer-to considering the representative
OF all that is fair and graceful in her
condition of wife.
"Ah," sighed Maria, with a side
long glance so arch that it nearly gave
her strabismus, twhat men need
which they rarely have sense enough
to desire-When they marry, is q
woman competent to take charge of q
household and administer it with that
fidelity and economy which unhappi-
ly are only too rare. So many, at
tracted by giday frivolity and the
gleam Of an eYanescent stimulation
take to themselves as partners silly
empty-headed girls, that 1 sometimes
treInbIe for the future of my beloved
country. 1t is seldom that we meet
one of those perfectly assorted couples
where the ineXperience of the hus
band is tempered by domestic knowi
edge of the wife, and the many Inis
takes of the male are alleYiated by
the wider experience of the female. >
As can be perceived, Miss Maris
used choice language; her favoritt
author was Johnson.
Mr.. Potters thought this smacked {
little of wOman's rights, a subject o.
which he had perennial horreT ever
since he had been called to accoun
| for the unluclKy st. Paul by ferociou:
nondescript who wore trousers anC
/ boots. So he inquired, timidly:
"You do not believe in wOmani
voting, do your"
fI? Oh, nou' exclaimed the fai
| Maria, rolling her eyes heavenwaTd
'NVolnan's place is in the family cir
! Gle, presiding over the household ALTA
and standing upon the domesti,
hearth. Such is woman's proper posi-
ton. But you We're saying
We'll ?'' asked Potters, as sht
paused bashfUlly.
THAT you thought of selecting +:
] partner.H
''Was 7? Well. I suppose I mus
marry. Would YOU
Advise me-" he was going to say
j but she gave him no time.
"Oh, Elijah, how you make M
] heart beat. You should not hav,
i been so abrupt. We poor women ar,
not so strong "a Won men I1---sfe cc47I,
have whipped him with one hand
sand any sudden emotion overpower
US. Yes, Elijah, / will be your wife. ,
! Potters had hardly meant to propose
I butsinee he had done so, as he thought
he made the best Of it, and conclude.
that she would make a very goo,
wife for him.
j Miss Maria was oveFioyed that sh
had af Iannrfh InnInI L. Enlr N.