Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1872-05-31
4 dea- father AID husband kind.
Has gone ami Left is all behind
Cease % weep, for tears are vain,
- 1 - - o. 1 -. - = -

10 recent isbste, a member Of the CAlifor-
mis- Legislature exclaimed. - The honorable
gentleman from Cslayeres County is undoubtel-
ly person Of great abilities, mau Of talent,
u.tursL bora genius but there is oae thing
which | defy him to DO. and that is TO bite the
bottom Of frying pan without smutting his
nose"
Qails are thiac- that are someiim,s taken
from the pjnons Of one goose, to fpresi the
opinions Of another.
A characteristics zreclote is related Of an out
st-elbows poet, who, by some freak Of fortune
coming into possession Of five dollar bill,
called TO a si aud said. Johnny, my boy. take
this william and get it changei. What do you
mean BY calling it William inquired the won
dering lad Why, Johnny, replied the poet,
sm not sufficiently fsmilisr with it to take the
liberty Of calling it Bill.
Whiefeid produced great effect upon his
hearers on one occasion, by an illustration which
appealed to the eye a. well as to the ear. You
seem 10 think salvation an easy matter. o.!
inst as easy for me to catch that insect passing
by me he msde a grasp st fly, real or ina
ginsry. Then he paused moment, and opened
his hand But hsve missed il.
Brother p, Of Concord presbytery is fond
of certain siereotyped expressions which, iu the
excitement Of the moment, he sometimes sp-
plies rather inappropriztely. Once, preching 4
funeral sermon, while the corpse lay before him.
he exclaimed, Here, brethren, we have before US
living wiiness ami standing monument Of
the frsilty Of human hopes
The secret Of health: Fret, keep warm
Second. eat regularly ami slowly. Third. main
tain regular bodily habits. Fourth. tske early
shd very light euppert, or. better still, none at
all Fifth, Feep clean skin. Sixth, get plen-
ty of sleep at night. Seventh. keep cheerful and
respectful company Eighth, keep out Of debt
Ninth, don't set your mind on things you don t
neei Tenth, mind your own business Elev-
enth, don't set up to be a sharp Of any kind.
Twelfth, sublue curiosity.
Aberrethy, the celebrated surgeon, finding
large pile Of paving stones opposite to his door,
on his returning home one afternoon in his car
risge, twore hastily at the p1vior, and desired
him to remove them. Where shall take them
to ssked the Hibernisn. To hell cried the
choleric surgeon Paddy leaned upon hi. ram
mer, and then looking up in his face. said with
an arch smile, Hadn't better take them to
heaven ?-sure they'd be more out of your hon
or's way.
Csliforni. obituGry % The deceased was
q talented man OF romantic nature He placed
the butt Of his gun in the fire while he looked
down the muzzle, sud departed hence sponta-
neJu,ly
We know of poet who wishes to go into the
obituary business. because be thinks he can ex.
Gel. Judging from his frat effort we believe he
is right. Here is Ia specimen Of what he can
do:-
Here lies the body Of Matthew Penn.
When did he die Of what can't toll
lie died on Wednesday Of wen;
Then ask no more he wore IL well.
Here lies the corpse Of Patience Doe
Who bore through life a cancer;
she always smled-yet wished to go;
II did no good 10 lance her.