Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-11-29
HunOr.

To make good broil-leave S letter from
one of yonr old swesthearts where your wife
can find it.
parting is such sweet SORROW" particu-
larly with a cracked looking-glass and
toothless comb.
An old lady in East Saginaw, Mich, has
given bonds in $500 not to scold her neigh
bors for an entire year.
One of the toasts drank at recent recep.
ton was "Woman; she requires no eulogy
she speaks for herself"
The Queen of Denmark wins the hearts of
Of her people by driving about in barouche
and wearing 13, cent calico.
A chief of the Chippeway Indians is in
London, soliciting money to start an indus.
trial school among his people.
A Kansas man who went to a circus
thought that the Egyptian mummy was
nothing but jerked Indian"
A Richmond man has worn the sar1c pair
oflinen trousers forty-nine summers. They
have been in style seven times
A school boy defined "appetite' BY ex-
planning that "when I'm eating I'm ba ppy,
and when I'm done I'm tight"
A Dutch judge, on conviction of culprlt
for having four wives, decided: HE have
punishment blenty I Ifs nit one"
Just enough sickness is reported in Yves.
tern town to "make the physicians happy -
This is rather an indefinite statement.
The staid Portsmouth Journal says or.
angss are for sale in the city which resem-
BILE feudal castles-thick on the Rhine.
Young lady-"Haven't I right to be
saucy if please ?" Old bachelor-'.Y.
if you please but not if you displease"
A Wisconsin man lent a cook a $3.50
watch to tell when to commence cooking
dinner, and now has neither watch nor
cook.
An Iowa editor recently announced that
certain patron Of his was "thieving as
usual" He declares he wrote it "thriv-
ing"
A sharp young woman says there is moth
ing more touching than to see a poor but
virtuous young mar struggling with weak
moustache.
The woman who never watched her neigh
bors is said to be cousin to the woman who
did not know how many dresses her sister,
in.law had.
"It is very curious" said an old gentle
man to his fir end, that watch should be
kept perfectly dry when it has a running
spring inside"
A new style Of ear drop screws into the
lobe Of the tortured member, SO that the
pearl or diamond rests upon the ear as if
with no support.
A poor but honest young LADY, who earns
living by working on hoop skirts, in re-
ply to an inquiry, stated that she had spent
the summer ''at the springs"
When you vacate your seat for moment,
leave plug hat in your seat. Some one
will come along and sit down on it, thereby
preventing your hat from being stolen.
A poor young man remarks that the only
advice he gets from capitalists is to 'lve
within his income" whereas the difficulty
he experiences is to live without an income.
A new stove has been invented for the
comfort Of travellers; it is to be put under
the feet, with mustard plaster on the head
which draws the heat through the whole
system.
"Home is the place for boys" said
Spinks to his eldest pride and JOY EYES,"
said the youngster, dutifully; Il like to
stay at home all the time, but ma sends me
to school"
The New Orleans papers complain that
seven-eighths of the communications sent
them and signed Taxpayer" are by per-
sons who possess not the ''fee simple to
,yaller dog"
Josh Billings says: II will state for the
information of those who havn't had
chance tew lay in insect wisdum az freely az
have, that one single hornet, who feels
we'll, will break up whole camprmeeting"
A pleasant.looking gentleman stepped out
on the platform, and inhaling the fresh air,
enthusiastically observed to the brakeman,
.Isn't this invigorating ?" "No, sir; it is
Bethel" said the conscientious employee.
The pleasant-looking gentleman retired.
Ex~Attorney General Alderman, 10 one Of
his recent speeches in Georgia, alluded to
the "afinity of molecular substances. His
colored audience applauded tremendously at
this hit, and one old negro remarked, that
"ef dat was de way dimerats done he
couldn't 90 wild 'em nohow."
Somebody having applied to an editor for
method by which he might cure his daugh-
ter of her Partially for young gentleman is
kindly informed that there are several meth.
DDS Of reform. The best are to put her in
a we'll and drop few loads Of gravel on her
head, or to bind her ankles to an anvil and
upset her out of boat.
elbow do you like the clam song ?" asked
an old lady Of her daughter, as they stepped
into the street, after a popular concert.
"Clam song ?" exclaimed the young lady,
in establishment. "Why, what do you re.
fer to, mother?"
"Why, the first one she sung"
80, you mean "Shells Of the Ocean,"
don't you mother?'
"Well, yes" said the old lady, Il do
think that was II; # was something about
CLAIMS, any way. and you know do like
them so well" J