The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1872-09-28
asit and Aamor.

DoS'T BE AFRAID OF DIRT.-Old
DR.. Cooper, Of South Carolina, used to
say to his students Don't be afraid
of dirt, young gentlemen. What is
dirt 7 Why, nothing at sll offensive,
when chemically viewed. RIB little
alkali upon the dirty grease spot on
your coat, and it undeFgoes chemical
change aud becomes soap now rub il
with little water and it disappears.
II is neither grease, soap, water nor
dirt. That is not very odorous pile
of dirt you see youder; we'll, scatter
little gypsum over it aud it is no longer
dirty. Everything like dirt is worthy
of our notice as students Of chemistry.
Annlyze ii; it will separate into very
clean elements. Dirt makes corn, corn
makes bread aud meat, aud that makes
very sweet young lady, that | saw one
of you kissing last night, SO after all
you were kissing dirt, particularly if
she whitened her face with chalk or
fuller's earth; though | may say that
rubbing such stuff upon the beautiful
skin of a young lady is a dirty practice,
Pearl powder, think, is made Of bis.
muth, nothing but dirt. Lord Palmer
ston's fine definition Of dirt is matter
in the wrong place. Put it in the
fight place aud we cease to think Of it
as dirt"
SroP THE INTEREsT.-- Daniel Web
ster once dined with an old Boston
merchant and when they came 70 the
wine, dusty old bottle was carefully
decauted by Peter aud passed to the
host. Taking the bottle he poured out
Mr.. Webster's glass aud handed it to
him, Then pouring out another for
himself, he held it TO the light aud
"How do you like it, Mr.. Webster ?"
81 think it fne specimen Of old
Port"
"Now, you cant guess what that cost
me ?" said the host.
"Surely not" said Mr., Webster. "I
only know that il is excellent"
"Well, now | can tell you, for | made
a careful estimate the other day. When
| add the interest to the first price, /
find that it cost me the sum Of just one
dollar aud twenty cents per glass y
'Good gracious you don't say so,"
said Mr.. Webster; and then draining
his glass he hastily presented it again
wish the remark:
"Fill up again as quick as you can,
for | want to stop that coniounded In
terest."
A tender. hearted widower fainted at
the funeral Of his third beloved.
"What shall We do with him 7" asked
a friend Of his.
''Let him alone" said wuggish by.
stander, she'll soon revive"
A lady was urged by her friend to
marry widower, and as an argument
they spoke OF his two beautiful chill
dren. "Children," replied the lady,
''are like tooth-picks, person wants
her own"
Iu' Hollidaysburg, Pennsylvania, the
young men have discarded white vests.
The young ladies' use SO much hair oil
that vest is only good for one even
ing.
A very modest young lady, who was
passenger on board packet ship, it
is said, sprang out of her berth and
jumped ovcrbolrd, on hearing the cap
tain, during a storm, order the mate to
haul down the sheets.
SchoOlmistress, Ito little boy, -
"Johnny, I'm ashamed Of you'll When
| was your age l could read twice as
well as you can" JohnDy-sYes'm
but you had different teacher from
what I've got"
"Ah, ladies'" said an old bon viDaht,
as he opened bottle Of wine, "what is
more delightful than the popping Of a
champagne cork 7" "The popping Of the
question !" unanimously cried the ladies'.
Mr.. Greeley has recently been inter
viewed by the dairymen, and in re-
sponsc TO an inquiry said; "the best
butter is undoubtedly an old ram"
The Freeport Journal says "pairs are
abundant at that place, and front gates
are loaded down with them on fine even
ings"
A wag 10 what he knows Of farming,
gives plan to remove widows weeds;
he says good looking man has ouly to
say, "Wilt thou" and they will.
The light Of match will frighten a
wolf away, il is said. But love matches
don't always keep the wolf from the
door.
There are two things 10 this world
that are not safe to trihe with---a wo-
mans opinion and the business end Of a
wasp.
When a watch is sold il always
changes hands; this seems odd on the
face Of it.
What is the difference between fixed
stars aud shooting stars? The one are
suns, the other darters.
If termagant wife cuts her nails
every Monday, it is lucky-IOr her hus-
baud.
If physician sue for the amount Of
the bill, ought he to recover unless his
patient recovers.