The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1872-05-31
'9sto 9 - NM,
HUMOROUS.

The following information from a
Western journal will interest our read
ers: kenosha was so named from the fol- |
lowing incident A lot of its early resi-
dents were playing keno, when one made |
game. He cried "Kenop and all the |
others exclaimed in disgust, Pshaw."
A correspondent of Baltimore paper
wants to know why marriage and death
notices should be paid for? For the
best OF reasons: one is as an advertise
ment of co-partnership, and the other
is notice of dissolution. Business is
business.
A philosophical Kentuckian, who was
the enviedpossessoro of one shirt, whitley
ing in bed awaiting its return from the
line where it was Tapping in solitary
grandeur, was startled by an exclama-
tion from the better-half of his bosom,
to the effect that "the calf had eaten it. "
To this he replied, with an equanimity
worthy of better cause, "them who
has must loser'
Mrs. Muffin (after a thirty miles ride
by express.) "Muffin there's something
wrong; the passengers are all getting
Out vi Vic NioilS Sloc huiiIl- w ny
don't You see that you are riding with
your back to the engine? It's all right!'
Mrs. Muffin" Back to the engine If
I'd known it, what a headache, 1 should
have had"
"Odd" handed-j Justice. First ruffian:
Wot was h'up for, and wot ave got?
Well, fioored a woman and took her
watch, and l got two years and fog
gin. Second rufin: Ha. | flung wo-
man out of top floor window; an Pve
only got three months! Firt ruffian ::
Alb, but then she was yer wife!'
Said Detroit lady to a young gen
tleman of that city, "You are not a mu-
stefan, believe" No, said he; eff /
were the proprietor of hand organ,
set expressly to play odd Hundred l
couldn't get seventy five out of it,
young man who had come into pos
session of large fortune by the death
of his brother was asked how he was
getting along. "Oh," said he, &c am
having q dreadful time. What with get
ting out Letters of administration and
attending Probate Court and settling
claims, / sometimes wish he hadn't
died"
A colored mail carrier in Virginia was
recently well shaken by a man for kick
ing his dog. "Look a here; massa,' y
said he, you'd better kcerful how You
shake dis chile; cos when you shakes
me, you shakes de whole of the United
States; 1 carry de mails"
The other day, an excited individual
accosted a street gamin with the ques-
ton, Say, bub, which is the quickest
way for me to get to the railroad de-
pot?" ''Run;' was the response.
Smiggles thought seriously of of stu
dying art simply because he could draw
cork and color meerschaum we adj
vised him not to do it, as he never could
hope to draw a check if he did.
A party of men animatedly engaged i'll
discussing politics before country
store, attracted the attention of an aged
agriculturist. "There's somethin' the
matter here" he observed to his wife
and, drawing on his team, he lightly
shouted to consumptive individual on
the outskirts, What afoot?" ''Twelye
inches" was the sardonic reply. The
aged agriculturist swore some, and then
drove on.
Smiggle says he don't care if he is
getting seedy.; its the proper thing il
spring time.
A clergyman created quite a merri
ment the other day, on one of our steam
boats, going over to lay out a new camp
meeting resort by the inquiry, "What
positive proof is there that King Davit
and his son Solomon were taiLOrS?' NJ
one in the crowd answer, and the hui
morous Divine quoted the familiar pas
sage: "And Solomonmended the 6rccch
cs which David his father had made. ,
An Ohio journalist read in another
paper statement to the effect thai
"Miss Kellogg has a larger repertoire
than any ether living prima donna,
and he considered it his duty as cham.
pion of truth to sit down and write al
article on the subject, on which he said
'We do not, of course know how Miss
Kellogg was dressed in other cities, but
upon the occasion of her last perform
ance here We are positively certain that
her repertoire did not seem to extend
out so far as either PATHS or Missions
1t may have been that her overskirts
were cut too narrow to admit of its be
ing gathered into such a large lump be
hind, or it may have been that il had
been crushed down accidcntly but th,
fact remains thst both of Miss Kellogg.
rivals wore reportories of much morl
extravagant size very much to theiI
discredit, We think"