Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1872-08-29
Humorous.

mon2 Because they are given to vico.
"Do YOU enjoy good health, Zach
ary9" "Why, yes, to be sure; who
loesnt2"
A couNTRYAAN saw skeleton of
donkey in local museum. GLOW odd
We look without flesh !" he said.
A soHooLllAsrER, on being asked
what was meant by the word f2rtifica-
ton, answered, 1.-TWO twentifications
make q fortitication.
lis your house a warm one, land
lord Z" asked man in search of ten
ant. cit ought to be the painter gave
it two coats recently" was the reply.
"MAssA CHRIsTopHER COLUMBUS was
u queer man, ," said negro orator; Ga
notion crossed him one day and then
no crossed an ocean,"
THERE is more truth than poetry in
the following lire from IN ADVERTISE
ment: Babies after having taken
ono bottle of my soothing syrup will
never cry any more"
The following notice is p''sted con-
spicuously in newspaper office out
west: "Shut the door; and az soon
rs you have done talking business
serve your mouth in the same way"
81 resort to wine to stimulate my
Wits" said q young spenlthrift to an
old one. "Ah," said the veteran,
''that is the way began, but now I
have to resort to my wits to get my
wine."
A PLUMBER had an Irish lad in his
employ, and one day having OCCASION
for a piece of zinc ordered linn to get
ono twelve inches square. eyes, sir, "
/ said Put, "twclve inches square. but
how long2"
a LADY correspondent of u Los An.
geles paper, describing the delights of
u Southern sea side visit, paints the
following pleasant picture: "There
"re flies in the honey, beetle in the
sugar, rattlesnakes under the pillow,
and skunks running,,over your feet."
The walters who carry lunches to the
rooms at Congress Hall, say it woull
worry hired man to stow away the
corned beef, and pork and beans that
the young ladies' call for between their
regular meals of water, ices and sponge
cake.
| The worst cl,arade ever made: NV
first is the name of a peculiar kind of
butter, my second Of peculiar kind
of liquor, and my whole is the name ol
II portion of a familiar weapon; what is
my Nance Answer ramrod. Ram is
the peculiar kind of but or and rod
goes for the ick-her.
| A WITNESS, in describing certain
events, said; "Tlle person I saw nj
the head of the stairs was a man with
one eye named Jacob Wilkins" t'What
was the name of his other eye?" spite
fully asked tho opposite counsel. The
witness was disgusted at the levity OF
the audience.
In q crowded tavern, Judge and IN
freshman were once obliged to room
together. Nov. Pat, said the Judge
'syou would have had to staid a lont
time in Ireland before you would have
slept with a Judge" "Ay, ay, sir =
answered Pat, cam yer Honor would
have had to have st.aid long time il
Ireland afore you'd been a judge
! A LITTLE boy was being instructed j,
morals by his grandmother. The ole
lady told him that all such terms q.
"by golly," "by jingo," "by thun.
der" etc, were only little oatl,s ani
but little better than other profanities.
| In fact, she said she could tell q pro
fame oath by the prefix "by." All sucl1
were oaths. "Well, then, grandmoth
er," said the hopeful, ''7is by tele
graph which sec in the newspapers,
swearing2" "No," said the old lady
"that is only lying?"
AN Irishman called on Il lady and
gentleman, in whose employ he was
for the purpose Of getting some ten and
tobacco. 81 had drame, last night
yer honor" said he to the gentleman.
What was it, Pat 2" "Why. I drained
that yer honor made me present of q
pound of tobaccy, and her ladysl,il
there-heaven bless her-gave mesomt
tay for the good wife," "Ah, Pat
dreams go by the contraries, you
KNOW" sail the gentleman. "taith,
and they may that, " said Pat $50 he1i
1adyship is to give the tobaccy, and his
honor the tay.''