The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1872-02-10

get mad but will go out With broom. and
pretend I want to sweep of the snow from the
steps.-"Je.,you scsteh" He went; We watched.
He began to sweep at one end of a mans No.
25s. The man looked down, ard Of course DO.
litely moved a few feet. As soon as the step vas
clean he moved back. Ward swept On, end they
| moved first ont and then back When w. NV.
| stands for Ward had got through, and wiped
| tho lard from his intellectual and classic brow,
he locked back. There stood every one Of the
loafsr brigade on the steps, and perfect happiness
on the mug of each. Ward hove q ;sish,
scratched his barefooted head, Topped hrs ears,
and trailing his broom, went around to the back
| door. He couldn't get in at the front entrance
His next strategem will be to arm himself and
assistants with eleavers and big knives, and then
rally out and vaccinate that board free. If he
can't make them move, he may make them finch
little at least! We are to have our new irsn
bridge painted "red. white and blue" Redmond
does the whole work. The red he will 6ud On
his-"well, yon knows how 1t is yourself
the snow gives the white, and almost any one
| can get the blues 80. The most excruti.tingly
Objectionable nuisance in Ottawa is whistle at
one Of the machine shops at the upper end OF the
side-cus. The "pesky thing" blows every morn.
ing about o'clock. 1t renders night hide0us
fer about five minutes without ceaslng rests 3
| minutes and screams FIVE minutes longer This
wakes all the roosters in town they arouse the
dogs, AID they howl bark and yelp for the next
hour; the COWS come to the rescue, and 'they
bawl; and then the donkeys join in the chorus
.ooA half dozen trains come laundering along
east, west, north and south, aud then comes
morning, aAd sleep is aair cum ar2use We pro.
pose to hire man to hunt up dog to bite the
inhunaA fraud who grinds that whistle We
feel proud. We have met distant relative. He
assured ~ that his grandfather was Beemus'
grsndmothsr's brother. He was correct and We
notified him Of = nearer relationship, also fact
His grandfather. brother was Bsemus mothers
sisters husband. "There," said We, triumph.
aatly, I'VE are '.rer related to you than you are
to US" HsSSvsi up. He is Chicago lawyer,
and has gene home to study genealogy in orde.
to dstsrmine the exact dsfaition of the relation.
ship between vs. ...Another chap on hearing the
above rather intricsts sort of relationship, gave
US this genealogical problem: HIS fathers sis.
ter was ny fathers son, yet father nor mother
had he meme" After . weeks study We have
come to the ssnsluslou shs. he wss Q miserable
srphsnt. "A suspicious looking shsbbily print.
Cd little sheet was handed to u, yesterday, done,
Of coarse, At the Republican Office, where all botch
work originates, headed programme relating
- photography and signed 'Webowman.ndwife.'
The party whose name is wife" in our opinion
10 the saly sAap OF the firm worth speaking Of,
ssd that teller" should be at the head Of the
firm. II should read thu-ly: "Wfe 4 we Bow.
mar siss. Of sprHx-plows for sale en- the
the sidsvalka srow .hd audible combined, spring
styles OF horse-..kos at S.eetzers. The me IN.
Der. OF tho Board Of Supervisors in their late lob
| BY sessions 1t Jim CIR settled every question
OF thes!osy from e. TO Revelations, Or from
! Miller 10 NIcao. "a is tao same thing
Bayus. the iron s~'7 - t.idgist, has heard
| from them P!4- 1.-TWO cars thereof
| have been traced "'h cast corner Of Alas.
h, and the bear. gnswin Of EN- up"
| ....A day or tive i document was pre-
sentsd in svideuc =. .o circuit Court Tho
| certificate Of au:heute stiyn Was signed BY come
one who is partial t" that style of hierosliphics
peculiar emily 70 Horace Greedy and our.slf The
name locked like "Warmess," "Bomaux,"" Beho.
moth" "Bora1," Sc. All the learned counsel
present scrusiaizsd it clo.ely, but no two could
agree as TO exactly what it was. His Honor is
reported to have held that the name must be
that Of some responsible party, before the docu.
mont could be admitted in evidence Judge
Dicksy was puzzled for moment, but soon his
osuntelanee besmed with triumph as he ex-
claimed: 'Now see it; it is Bsemus" The
paper went In. ....A pretty rich joke is that
which happened lately on a friend of ours. who
lives on the west side, near the raging side.cut
He has SEINE loose change aud occasionally in.
vests In tax titles. He was in the shsrff's sftics
locking ever sOns papers one day. He is very
quiet shsp he can sit IN hour in one spot and
never scarcely wink, or at least not loud enough
70 attract attention. He sat there awhile absorb.
ID in HE iavsstis and the sheriff, who 10
little lsfthsndsd, aear.sighted and hard Of hear.
Ing, went slt aad locked tho door, In an hour
or 90 ear friend, VIM. P, the prisoner, got hun.
cry. He vent 10 tho door, and to his horror
found himself william, or, that is, In tho lookup
He stood around there, scratched his head, whis.
tied The viad that shakes the barley" est
Patricks day in the morning" ~ want to DO an
angel, "WhistlsL; thief &c. After waiting
until he was getting weak and dry, he raised
window asoidently left unlocked, and broke Jail