The Van Buren press., 1872-07-09

And there WHISKY 10 put IN your fiuuth
SO Hiram dear Hiram, don't feel very bad,
When You learn thai my tidiugs nre true
You are better at home with cigars and your dad
For the people are tired of you
Come home come home. come home
Sweet Hiram Ulysses, come home
HUMAN NATURE My idea is that there
is not man on earth who is not frangi-
bic 1t is said that every man has his
price. Every man, at any rate, has his
place of breaking. There is a degree OF
temptation in the case of every man,
which if it were brought to bear upon
him, .he could not withstand
Take a hemlock log five hundred
pounds will not breakit, but thousand
will Take pine log, thousand
pounds will hot break it, but two thous.
and will Take an oak log; two thous
and pounds will not break it, but ten
thousand will Take an elm log; ten
thousand pounds will not break il, but
fifteen or twenty thousand will. You
can put weight enough on any log to
break it
One man cannot be tempted by lust,
but he can be by pride. Another man
cannot be tempted by pride, but he can
DO by avarice Another man cannot be
tempted by &varice, bat he can be through
his affections Another man cannot be
tempted through his affections, but he can
be through his benevolent sympathies.
Another man cannot bc tempted through
his benevolent sympathies, bat he can be
through his intellectual appetites and
tastes. On one side or the other, even
h, l,ks ,tqt ia
There is no man who eau stand up un
der all circumstances without the grace OF
God.
Measured by any ideal standard, how
poor thing man isl This world may
do for training ground, workshop Il
school; but it is poor world II YOU
measure it by the higher conception Of
manhood 1t is an ark that is carrying
us over the food Our true life is not
here. We shall not reach that life until
we stand IN Zion and before God.
DrpN't LAY 1T DowS Years ago into
q wholesale grocery store in Boston
walked n tall, muscular looking man. ey
identy a fresh conner from some back
town in Maine or New Hampshire. Ac-
costing the first person he met, who hap
pened to be the merchant himself, he ask
ed:
"You don't want to lire man in
Your store do you ?"
"WelI, said the merchant, =" | don't
know; what can you do 2"
"Do, said the man, Il rather guess
| can turn my hand to most anything.
What io ya,, want done -
"Well, if was TO hire n man it would
be one that could lift well, strong wiry
fellow; one for instance that could
shoulder sack OF coffee like that yon-
der, and carry it across the store and
never lay it down. T"
"There, now, captin', said our coun'
tryman, that's just me. can lItt any
thing hitch to You cant set me, what
will you give man that can suit you.
"I1l tell you, " said the merchant, "lf
you will shoulder that sack Of coffee and
carry it across the store twice and never
lay it down, will hire you for year
at 500 per month, /
"Done, said the stranger, and by this
time every clerk in the store had gather
ed around and were waiting to join in
the laugh against the man, who with per-
feet ease, threw the sack over his shoul- |
der, AVID walking with 1t twice across the
store, went quietly to large hook which
was fastened to the wall and hanging the
sack upon it, turned TO the merchant and
said.
"Therc now, it may hang there till
doom's day shant never lay il down
What shall | go about mister Just
give me plenty to DO and 800 month
and its all right " @
The clerks broke into laugh, but it |
was out of the other sides Of their
mouths, and the merchant, discomated
yet satisfied, kept to his agreement and
to day the green countryman is the sen
ior partner in the firm and worth half
million dollars.
JOSH BILLINGS PRAYER From tuI
mcnny friends, and from things at luce
ends-Good Lord deliver us.
From wife who doant luv US. and
from chi!hen who doant look like US
Good Lord deliver U.S.
From snaix in the grass, from snaix
in our butes, from torch-li,e prosesh-
ions, union leags and from awl nu rum
Good Lord deliver us.
From pack pedlars, quack docturs,
from yung foxes in Inv, from old dried
up ants without money, and from khoi-
cry morbus-Goo Cd Lord deliver us.
From welth without charlie, from
pride without sense, and all rich rela
shuns-Good Load deliver us.
From nuspapor sells, from pills that
amt fisick, from females who faint. aud
from men who fat,er-Good Lord de.
liver us.
From virtew without fragrance, from
butter what smells, and from kats that
are coartin--Good Lord deliver us
From polytitions who PA and from
santes who tipple; ri kofli, red herrin
and awl grass widows-Good Lord de-
liver us.
From foxes that wont laf' and from
them who gggle; from tite butes, easy
virtew and ram muttin-O, Good Lord
deliver us.
r1- A lady lately, on being asked
what she thought was the true meaning
OF the words, "The pestience that walk
eth in darkness, answered that, i" In
her opinion, it was bed bugs :"