American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1872-03-23
Churchyard Wit.

fOsT-MORTEM ep1gTamS nave ever uceli
a favorite form of rustic wit; while many
poet, city born and bred, has beguiled
his leisure by writing humorous or bitter
epitaphs on his friends and foes. Sin
gularly enough, however, we are less in
clined to- judge these by their relative
clcverness than by the question: Have
they actually appeared on a tombstone
Nor is it difficult, in looking through some
such collection of epitaphs as one which
has just been published, to make guess
at those which have thus received the
stamp of genuineness. In the majority OF
cases, 1t is the incongruity of seeing those
rude efforts at fun upon gloomy grave
stone which constitutes three-tourths OF
the quaintness of the lines.
The number of sham epitaphs writt"t,
on persons of particular trades or profes-
siOns is innumerable. Doctors, lawyers,
shoemakers, tailors, and blacksmiths, are
those chiefly honored in this way The
most ponderous efforts at wit have been
written over these callings, in which the
various implements used are generally
dragged in in series of wretched puns.
Some reference is sure to be made to the
blacksmith's vice; the shoemaker is Ger
tain to ''leave his all behind;" the tailor,
most likely, has been clipped by the
shears of death; while the doctor is joked
about his murderous propensities, and the
class the doctor has perhaps contributed
the best series of witty epitaphs. Very
few of these appear in this collection-in
fact, there is but one, if we are not mis-
taken, which refers to doctor:
Here Doctor Fisher lies inferred,
Who filed the half of this churchyard."
The cleverest of those on the legal pro-
fcssion consists of one line :" On Strange,
a lawyer"
"Here lies an honest lawyer, that is Strange
Then there are the epigrams on per-
sonal peculiarities, which are so innu-
merable. Fat men, lean men, blind men,
deaf men, spendthrifts, nIggards, glut-
tons, and so forth, have each, from time
to time, had their frailties bitterly COM
mented on. Now it may safely be said
that not one of the satirical epitaphs was
ever actually inscribed on a tombstone.
Many references to personal failings APP
pear in churchyards but they are yelled
; either in solemn warning or humorous
COMMUNICATION. There is, for example, a
metrical epitaph in Darenth churchyard,
which mournfuliy remarks of certain
victualer that
The drink that he did love did prove his foe
Occasionally, too, some village oddity
has died, leaving no relatives to see that
his memory is not made fun of, and over
has caused to be inscribed more or less
facetious account of him. But it is clear
that the long epitaphs which are authori-
tatively given to us as coming from this
or that village churchyard are spurious,
if for no other reason than that the cost
of cutting the labored production on stone
would be Infinitely beyond the horsepower
OF the alehOuse poet, who is ordinarily the
author of the squib. Besides, the parson of
the district would, probably, have a word
to say to any one burlesquing the sanctity
of the churchyard. 1t was only the other
day that the governors of one of the me-
tropOlitan cemeteries refused to allow a
man to record on gravestone that his
child had died sfrom the effects of vac
cination," singular instance of the man
ner in which some people fancy they
ought to promulgate their opinions. The
funny epitaph would find much more
strenuous opposition than the bucolic sat
irist probably fancies, if he were actually
to try to have his composition perpetu-
ated in stone. On the other hand, SO long
as the village poet remains decorous and
piOus. uncommon latitude is allowed him
in the matter of rhyme. A far more val
before us could be made by one who
would take the trouble to wander about
our village churchyards, and copy the re-
ligious couplets and verses which are pro-
fusely placed over the graves. The wild
efforts at getting lines to rhyme are some
times very amusing. 1t is said that in
Lambeth churchyard there is an epitaph
upon a certain William Wilson, which
runs thus:
Here lies the body of W. W.,
Who never more will trouble you, trouble You. -
Quite as quaint, but with a look of man.
ufacture about it, is the following ON
Thomas Woodcock:
'.Here lies the remains Of Thomas woodhen,
The most amiable Of husbands and excellent Of
NJ -His real name was woodcock, but it
wouldn't come in rhyme.-His Widor.''
We have already spoken of the humor-
GUS blunders which SO frequently occur
in,-epitaphs. The following one is, at
least, probable; and, if it was inscribed
on a stone, was most likely the produc-
ton of the father, who is enormously de-
scribed as being inferred beneath it:
John Paifreyman who is buried here
Was aged four and Twenty year;
And near this place his mother lies,
Likewise his fatheEwhen he dies
Satirical epitaphs on wives might make
literature by themselves, SO constantly
have scolds, and shrews, and slatterns
been made the subject of the epigram-
matist's PEN Those, however, are in
variably of the spurious sort. Who ever
saw in churchyard venomous or con-
temptuous epitaph on a wife? No sooner
is the shrew, or slattern, or scold dead,
than fit of remorse seizes the repentant
husband, and nothing is thought of but
her virtues and graces. Epigrams on
wives are for the most part written by
bachelors. The henpccked husband is
too oppressed by his sorrows to think of
turning them into neat couplets. Above
all, he is certain not to revenge himself in
that way when the thorn in his side has
been removed.-London Examiner