Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-10-28
8 MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
Old Dog Tray died in July, 1892.
Money. we'll snent is we'll invested.

Money well spent is well invested.
Josh Billings says that Jane Brown
was born in February, 1926.
One of the smartest things a man can
do is to drink pepper sauce.
The American soyereigns-Smo-king
and Joking. @, -,.f, SO
- y How. to cut swell.-turn your back
on him. al alHloEes ~
EiD He who looks largest to himself, looks
smallest to others. u
Z Kindness. is the best weapon with
which to kill an enemy.
z Politeness is not only the cheapest,
but the most powerful argument known.
when man measures out glory for
himself he always heaps the half-bushel
- :. Young ladies with new diamond soli-
taire rings never refuse to play the pi-
ano.! ias ..t;.s la. ~ $50. 81. sse
rs rs He who does evil that good may come,
/ pays'a toll to the devil to let him into
heaven.
A border -rufian of a postmaster out
West cancels letter-stamps with his boot
heel.
"Doctor, what will cure the fever of
love 2" '.The chill of wedlock, madam
oiselle.' g
A crazy Norman woman hurled stones
at her husbands funeral procession as it
passed.
The New Haven boys who went after
chestnuts last Sunday, report good
crop, says Connecticut paper.
Ridicule is weak weapon when lev
eled at strong mind. But common men
are towards and dread an empty laugh.
An Ohio lawyer included in his bill
against his client s'To waking up in the
night and thinking about your case-ten
dollars
4 This world and the next resemble the
East and the West; you cannot draw
near to one without turning your back
! upon the other.
An old farmer said of his clergyman
whose sermons lacked points: SAY, yes,
he's a good man, but he will rake with
the teeth upward
4 In the extremity of his undying bit
terness, Southern editor of Greeley
7 paper calls the President 'Ulickus Grant
He'll do.
\ A California paper says that earth
quakes are travelling eastward and re-
ceiving considerable attention along the
route.
A Maine farmer is always getting
himself into spretty pickles. He put
B up six hundred barrels of them this
year. >
One of the most reliable prophets i
kno Sy II an old aa hem for they don't ont
haz happened. Josh Billings.
A defeated candidate in St. Paul,
avoided the congratulations of his friends
| by sallying out with dog and gun, tc
''chase the antelope over the plain.
Mrs. Shoddy puckered up her mouth
genteelly and told gentleman friend
, that one of her lovely daughters was {
'bluenet' and the other 'blonze.'
None are SO fond of secrets as thos,
who do not mean to keep them; sucl
| persons covet secrets as spendthrifts GOV
ct money, for the purpose of circulation
e The true motive of our actions, lik,
the reed pipes of an organ, are usual,
concealed; but the gilded and holloy
> pretext is pompously placed in front fo
"A show. r~
The Springfield Republican calls tn
t great American standard bearer, ,Sergean
Bates, 'the champion jackass of tn
h world" This will be discouraging new
to George Francis Train.
% Whenever you see young man an
woman coming down the street, leanin
: against each other like a pair of badl
matched oxen, it is pretty good sig
. they are bent on consolidation.
An entirely white lion has been cal
,e tured and is exhibited in Buenos Ayre
where $4,000 was offered for it by a
. English merchant for the geological ga
le dens in London.
49, A Missouri sheriff went for a iuds
to arrest him, but after the judge ha
!, put three or four bullets through hin
" he changed his mind and composed hin
y self to join the innumerable caravan.
+ No credence is given in New York
the assertion of one ST. Clair, an allegt
newspaper reporter, that he. saw Fis
with pistol in his hand at the tin
Stokes murdered the latter.
"A father living in Titusville, who h
two or three very courtable girls, place
notice on his front door one nigl
which read, "Shut down for thirty day
G No stove in the parlor, and but o
lamp.
Real merit of any kind cannot long
concealed; it will be discovered, al
nothing can depreciate it but MAJ
exhibiting himself. 1t may not alwa
be rewarded as it ought, but it will i;
ways be known.
'sYou have lost some of your frient
[ see" said traveller to negro whC
he met on the road.
''Yes, massa.
~ .Was it near or distant relative p
: = "Well, purity distant-about twen
~ four miles
'io A lad arrested for theft, when tax
lgh~ before the magistrate and asked what
wv occupation was, frankly answered: "Ste
the ing" "Your candor astonishes me
.o, said the Judge. Il thought it would
-, replied the lad, '.seeing how many
III ones there are who are ashamed to o
lth, it."
mt pleasant looking gentleman stepl
f out on the platform, and, inhaling
= fresh air, enthusiastically observed
ont the brakeman Isn't this invigoratin
oP' mo, sir it is Bethel" said the CON