The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-06-04

said, attempted to shoot herself, and was
saved by providential occurrence. The
pistol was not loaded
edy The youth who stole watch and re-
turned it to the owner, who promised "no
questions asked" is in Jail. The owner
was as good as his word, he arrested the
youth without asking any questions. IA
Gy-A music dealer hasin his window
sentimental song, thus marked: "Thou hast
loved me and left me, for twenty-five cents"
That is certainly the cheapest kind of a di-
vorce, and leaves no necessity for going to
Chicago.
G-" Mamma" said Harry, a bright
little fellow of three, who had bitten intoa a
cavity in doughnut, instead of getting a
good mouth full, as he had anticipated,
"please give me another doughnut, this
aint good one its all weared out.'
G5y-A lady had her dress trimmed with
"bugles" beforeigoing to ball. Her little
daughter wanted TO know if the bugles
would blow when she danced. sfr
"Oh, no." said mother, "papa will do
that when he sees the bill ~ r.s
Gzy An ignorant house-maid who had to
call gentleman to dinner, found him en-
gagged in using a toothbrush.
"Well, is he coming?" said the lady Of
the house, when the servant returned.
eyes ma am, directly" was the reply;
he's jist sharpening his teeth.
q" An Irishman's will-"I give and be-
queath to my beloved wife Bridget, all my
property without reserve, and to my eldest
son Patrick one half of the remainder, and
to Dennis, my youngest son, the rest. If
anything is left, it may go to Terence Nc
Carly"
gs-A man in Detroit concluded he had
smoked his pipe long enough, and just be-
fore going into church, jhe placed it in his
back coat-pocket. A good fire got under
way just about the time that services did.
They put him out and now, the man is
around growing because he hasn't any
coat-tails. t...,
eB- Two Hibernians were passing sta
BILE which had rooster on it for weather.
vane, when one addressed the other thus
"Pat, what's the rason they didn't put..a
hin up there instead of "a rooster ?" cam
sure" replied Pat, "that's aisy enough
don't ye see that it would be unconvanient
to go for the eggPp lp (" i'''A.o
tB- A party of men animatedly engaged
in discussing politics before country store
attracted the attention of an aged agri-
culturist. "There's sumthun' the matter
here, he observed to his wife and stop
ping his team he lightly shouted to con
sumptive individual ON the outskirts,
"Whats foot ?'' "Twelve inches" was
the sardonic reply. The aged agriculturist
swore some and drove on.
E9rJosh Billings says Slkunl1s are called
pole kats bekause it il not convenient tow
kill them with klub, but with a pole, and
the longer the pole the more convenient.
Writers on natral history, disagree about
the right length ov the pole tew be used,
but would suggest that the pole be about
365 feet, especially if the wind IL in favor
ov the pole kat. ....,.
eg-In lawsuit, the other day, between
two members of the same church, counsel
for one of the parties suggested that the
brethereh ought to defer their difference
for adjustment to the high court above;
towhich his client responded that the
"same idea had occurred to him, but there
seemed to be an insuperable obstacle in
the way--Ae couldn't c0ntrige any aOay 10
get has laioyer MeeI2 3t.r.s -
GB-A Newport correspondent tells Of
loving couple in a railroad car "The pre-
sumption is, they had 'tunnelled' before
but it had been in the daytime, when the
darkness Of the tunnel was advantageous.
On this occasion it was after nightfall, and
the candles were burning. The male lover
for miles had been talking tunnel, as If
deeply interested in that underground
passage, and his love evidently understood
the illusions. AT last the train thundered
into the tunnel, and the lovers indulged in
one Of those hearty salutations that are
made to be felt, but not TO be seen by in
different spectators. OF course the car
load exploded, while tho impulsiye swain
apologized to his Dulcinea with the I'M
satisfactory exclamation, 'confound tho
LAMPS / didn't think Of them ~ sii4