The Placer herald., 1872-08-24
WHY 1 LEFT THE MASONS.

Masonic Lodge, and of course was very
punctual in my weekly attendance, much to
the disgust of my wife, who, with the whole
family, was constantly quizzing me as to
our meeting, and upon my asserting that
riding the goat was a part of our business,
they persisted in knowing the particulars
about the animal, until /, to silence them,
said would bring him home and show him.
One evening about II o'clock, as was
plodding home from the Lodge, heard in
advance of me continuous and pathetic
bleating, and soon came up with a large
goat standing on the walk, who had evidently
lost his bearings wandering away, and being
in great grief, was crying-"I want to 60
home.
never liked goats, and my first impulse
was to kick this one, land have always re-
gretted that didn't do it but the mournful
tone of his voice created little sympathy in
my breast, and patted him kindly on the
head and went on. But the goat followed
close at my heels, and although / assured
him his home did not lie this way, but was
probably down the street we had just crossed +,
he persisted. AS we approached my house,
| more earnestly demonstrated with him on
his folly, and finally persuaded him, by going
with him and constantly patting him in the
rear with the toe of my boot, to return one
block. | was much out of breath myself,
and | said to the goat, "Now, old fellow,
sit down on the curb and rest yourself-
you're tired-Ill be back in a minute-.just
want to go round the corner" and | started
on run, but in a moment the goat was at
my heels. | reached my home, darted up
the steps, opened the door and with feeling
of great relief stepped in, when, to my horror,
between my legs, into the hall bounded the
goat with a triumphant bleat that echoed
through the upper halls and chambers,
awakening the whole household. The hall
lamp was burning brightly, but up the stair
way all was dark, and | saw at glance that
everything was arranged for the special con-
vcnence of gazers from above.
The goat had retired to the further end of
the hall and stood facing me, occasionally
bleating, but as began to be somewhat ex-
ercsed in mind about them, | cannot say
whether the tones were those of triumph and
ridicule or defiance Whichever way they
were, | declared war at once, and made for
the goat who seemed to understand that
meant business, and he met me half way
with blow from his head which staggered
me and forced me back a step Or two, which
blows be was ungentlemanly enough to re-
peat one after the other, until was driven
to the bottom of the stairs, when he resumed
his position in the far end of the hall and
again faced me.
Ground Number One-First hit for the
goat, came to my ears from aloft and as |
cast my eyes upward, peal of laug Inter
came tearing down the stairs, and | could
just perceive crowd hanging over the ban
isters of both flights which knew full well
was made up of my wife, children, wag-
gish young man who lived with us, two
visitors and the servants, full audience in
the dress circle, looking down into the pit to
see the fun.
"Oh, pas brought home the goatl" said
one of the children.
eyes, and he's practicing with it," said
another.
"Which degree is that performance"
said my wife.
''Glad we didn't go to the theatre tonight,
chimcd in one of my visitors.
"Time timep shouted my young friend
from the upper tier, and thought so too,
and in went for the second round.
But now changed my tactics; | advanced
slowly, keeping close to the wall and en-
deavoring to get behind the beast, thinking
would try the pats on his rear with my boots
again, in the hopes that they would calm
him and persuade him to retire as he had
done before while out of doors, but he evil
IDENTIFY objected to any "change of base,
and once more "charged home upon me.
This time, however, caught him by the
horns, and then the struggle commenced in
earnest The goat lifted up his voice in
loud protestatons of "foul' play, and
opened my mouth and gave utterance to
hopes and wishes in regard to goats in gen
eral and this one in particular, which it might
not be proper to repeat here, as | had my
hands so full at the time that l could not
give my usual thought and attention to the
selection of elegant words and expressions
which usually characterize my conversation.
| finally said: "You brute, you won't 60
out eli? But''-and he butted; and he was
the strongest butter | ever met with; so
strong that, in spite of my holding him by
his horns, he spread himself all over the hall
so thoroughly stirring me up that lay down
on the floor to recover my equanimty, at
which the goat suggested series of ground
tumbngs, which he went through with, |
believe, with honor to ourselves, and to the
great satisfaction of the delighted audience
and at the end of which picked myself up
from the floor at the foot of the stairs and
saw the goat regaining his corner at the end
of the hall giving a victorious bleat as he
did so.
Ground Two-First knock down for the
goat" came from aloft and an outburst OF
cheers and clapping of hands followed. .
"Get on the goat and ride him, pa,
cried one of the children.
ooh, yes; do, pa" cried another; "'hat
will be nice.
"Dont you use a saddle, my dear?' said
my wife. Won't the door mat do?'
was furious and sprang for the animal