The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1872-03-29

that the Telegraph classes them among
| the "local Industries"
| An Indiana youngster mischievously
set the family pionia on fire. By playing
on IL vigorously It was extinguished.
The ladies of the Allentown Female
Collage serenaded the students of Muh-
lenburg College the other evening, and
among other sweet things, sung those
beautiful lines commencing. "Oh verel
oh we're! ish mine leetls dorg gone?
Conversation in q Wisconsin store
Polite Clerk-"Can ] show you any"
thing else to-day ?" Lugubrious Gus
tomer-"NO, reckon not. 1 lost two
horees and my wife last fall, and feel
Swindlers tried to seduce a western
man on O railroad train into betting
that he could open patent paddock
which they carried about. He took the
bet and opened the lock with sledge
hammer.
A little waif, met in one of Boston's
narrow thoroughfares NE other morning
| when asked If she had mother, replied
naively, ''I dunno, but guess not, for
when 1 ran away this morning the old
uns was quarrellin', and father had the
| hatchet."
A rich Iowan has sent his mother to
| the pOOr-house at the age of l05 His
| fiiial duty was cheerfully paid up to the
specified term of threescore and ten;
but he really begins to fear that in her
| case the debt of nature will expire by
| Limitation.
| ACCORDING to the Washington Ctroni-
| Gle, sin Philadelphia, last year, 13, ,49S,-
299 481 gallons of water were used in
adulteratipg milk and getting up steam
at the Ledger Office to publish the
obituaries of distinguished citizens
above eighty years of age.
Some of the towns in Vermont hav-
ing vaccinated most of their population,
arenow little inclinded to grumble be.
cause the smallpox does not come along.
There is general feeling there that all
the trouble has been taken for nothing.
On Washington's birthday, tipsy
Danbury nan braced himself against q
lamp post and exclaimed: "Merciful
Heaven can 1t be possible that great and
good man is dead ?"
Josh Billings says there seems to be
four styles of mind: First, them who
knows It's 80; second, them who knows
1t amt 80, third, them who split the
difference and guess at it; fourth, them
who don't care which way it isl
81 fnd, Dick, that you are in the
habit Of taking my jokes and passing
gentlemanly conduct?'. ITO be sure 1
do Tom. A true gentleman will
always take q joke from friend"
| .AGoNG the names of the witnesses
summoned In Brigham Young's case In
Salt Lake City appears John Low. When
the Government only has an attorney
!, high, and the Mormons have Jack Low,
1t looks as IL the latter would win the
tgame.
Discerning child (who has heard some
remarks made by papa)-"Are you our
new nurse z" Nurse-"Yes, dear" Child
I-"Well, then, I'm one of those boys
who can only be managed by kindness
80 you had better get some sponge cake
and oranges at onceW -....
Marriage is like brilliant tapers light
Placed at the window on summer hight
} Attracting all the insects of the air
suss S he
And those within butt TO get out again.
A young lady swooned in Wisconsin
church, and the doctors gave her up for
dead. At the funeral she arose and gave
reasons for postponing the ceremony,
which were agreed by all the mourners
to be convincing.
, At Lafayette, Ind, sinner declared
last Saturday, while witnessing bap-
tism, that he wouldn't be haptised on
such day for fifty dollar bill, and a
minute-after was immersed to the neck
for nothing, by the giving way Of the
} ice.
3 The Supreme Court Of the United
Q States having decided that husband
can recover damages for the loss of his
q wife propOrtiOned to her usefulness and
capacity to earn money, Boston man
. whose spouse perished in recent rail-
Z way accident was allowed by the dis
, eliminating jury exactly six cents.
A Pennsylvania editor returns thanks
D for serenade, and says: "In many
) localities this might be thin way OF
expressing ones appre citation of favor
of this kind: buthere, where the wells
. are nearly all dry, and the town is sur
s rounded by prohibitory law two miles
/ wide, nothing better can be rendered"
"Norwich, Conn.,, is somewhat rocky"
i says the Boston Bulletin. "The cook of
IS an eminent citizen having injured her
a self by repeated falls over ledge which
projected through the kitchen floor, he
is now engaged In blasting it, after
J. which he will turn his attention to a
= little boulder near the centre table in
[t the parlor."
" In the Court of Quarter Sessions O.
I. OF Fayette county Patrick Maloy, ma
If tive of Ireland, was recently sworn anC
admitted citizen of the United States
1t will be remembered that at the com
-F
ce the above named gentleman was hii
40 mothers fair haired boy; also, that sh,
kept a huckster shop; also, that he
LII name 1t was Maloy.
The following Is a verbatim copy of
letter recently received by schoolmas
at ter In Indiana from a householder In hi
no locality "Cur, ass you are man OF n
N legs, wish to intur my sun in you
Ws skull" The obscHrity and seemin
OIL offensiveness Of this address disappes
Iys on translation. What was intended I
,le be written was: "Sir, as you are ma
a.s Of knowledge, l wish to enter my 80
',o In your school,"
~, A VACANCY having occurred In
'M certain church by reason Of the resignl
ou tion Of the organist, the trustees al
re, vertised for a candidate for organis
ed music teacher, etc. Among the hume
az Gus replies TO the advertisement WI
the following peculiar announcement
icy Gentleman; 1 notice your advertis
ley ment for organist and music teacht
either lady or gentleman. Havi
been both for some years, 1 offer y
my services.
80 "Mother," said little Ned, one MOI
TN ing, after having fallen out of bed,
ury think 1 know now why fell out
sir, bed last night. 1t was because sic
,rv. too near where / got In" Musing
80 little while as II in doubt whether
eet' had given the right explanation,
Wit added, "No, that wasn't the reason;
at was because I.slept too near where
yer. out" .... #..