The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1872-11-13
From the Philadelphia To-Day,l
VuE CASE OF Y0CNG BANGS.
by Max ApELER.

THE CASE OF Y0UNG BANGS.
SO BY MAX ApELER.
When Mr.. Bangs. the elder. returned from
Europe he brought With him from Geneva u
miniature musical box, long and very har-
row. and altogether Of hardly greater d'u ,S
sions. saw. than large pocket.knhe. ine
instrument mayed four cheerful little tunes
for the benefi. of the Bangs family, ana they
enioyed Il very much. Young William Bangs
smn;oved Il TO such an extent that. one day
INST after the machine had been wound up
r.,dy for action, he got TO sucking the end OF
u. au,l In a moment Of inadsertcncc It slipped,
and he swallowed the whole concern. The
only immediate consequence OF the accident
was that harmonic stomach-ache was nm
mediately organized upon the interior OF
William Bangs, and he experienced rest
lessness which he we'll knew would DEFY the
soothing tendencies of peppermint ana make
a mockery of paregoric. -,
And William Bangs kept his secret in MS
own soul, and In his stomach also, determined
RI hide hi, misery from his father and TO
snare the rod to the spoiled child-spoied at
any rate rs far as his digestive apparatus was
concerned. ,,r
Blu, that evening at the suprer-tabie W.
Bangs had eaten but one mouthtui OF breaa
When strains of wild, mysterious music were
suddenly waited from under the table. The
entire family Immediately CROPPED around
upon the floor, trying to discover whence
the sounds came, although William bangs
sat there filed with agony and relhorse, anu
bread and tunes, and desperately asserted
his belief that the music came from mary
Ann, who might perhaps be playing uG1h
the harp o. the dulcimer in the ccllar. nc
well knew that Mary Ann was unfamiliar
with the harp, and that to her the dilcimcr
was as much an iuscvablc problem as it
would have been to a tishing-worm; and lie
was aware that Mary Ann would have scorn-
ed. under any circumstances. to evoke mu-
sic while sitting upon the refrigerator OF re-
posinc in the coal-bln. But he was frantic
with anxiety to hide bis guilt. Thus 1t Is
that one crime leads to another.
But he could not disguise the truth Tor
ever, and that very night, while the family
was at prayers, William Bangs all at once
got the hiccupS, and the musc-box started
off without warning with "a Life OIL the
Ocean Wave aud Home on the Rolling
Deep" with variations. Whercupon the
Maternal Bangs arose from his knees ana
praspe6 William kindly but firmly by his
hair and shook him up, and inquired what
he meant by such conduct. And William
threw out n kind of general idea to the
effect that he was practicing something for Il
Sunday-school celebration, which old Bangs
intimated was singularly thin explanation.
Then they tried to get up that music-boN,
aud every time they would seize young Will
liam Ivy the legs aud shake him over the sofa
cushion, or would throw some fresh variety
of emetic down his throat, the harmoniunl
within would give fresh squirt and loyous!y
grind out Listen to the MockinS-Bir
or "Thou'lt Never Cease to Love-"
So they abandoned the attempt, and were
compelled to permit the musical-box to re-
main within the Sepulchral recesses OF the
epigastrium of William Bangs. TO say that
the unfortunate victim of the disaster was
made miserable by his condition would be to
express in the tecbcst manner the state OF
his mind. The more music there was in his
stomach the wilder and more completely
chaotic became the discord in his soul. just
as likely as not it would occur that while he
lay asleep in bed in the middle of the night
the melody works within would begin TO IT,
yolvc, and would play clone, Sweet
Home" for two or three hours, unless the
peg happened to slip, when the cylinder
would slip back again to a Life on the
Ocean Wave and n Home on The Rolling
Deep" and would rnttle out that tune with
variations and fragments of the scales until
William Bangs's brother would kick him ont
OF bed in wild despair, and sit on him in a
vain effort to subdue the scrcnadc, which,
however, invariably proceeded with fresh
yiGor when subjected to unusual pressure.
And when William Bangs went to church
it frequently occurred that. in the very midst
OF the most solemn portion of the sermon,
he would feel gentle disturbance under the
lowest button OF his jacket; and presently,
when everything was pushed, the undigesteu
engine would give preliminary buzz, and
then reel of Listen TO the Mockin9 Bird !"
and "ThoTlt Never Cease to Love-" and
scales and exercises, until the Clergyman
would stop and glare ut William over his
sp>c,aces, ;ind whisper TO one Of the del-
cons. Then the sexton would suddenly
take up the aisle and clutch the unhappy
Mr.. Bangs by the collar, and scuG down the
aisle again to the accompaniment of "a Life
on the Ocean Wave and Il Home Oh the Roll
ing Deep" and then incarceratc William in
the upper portion Of the steeple until after
church.
But the end came at llst, and the miserable
ooSpring Of the senior Bangs found peace
One day, while he was sitting in the school
endeavoring to learn his multiplication table
to the tune of "Home, Sweet Home" biz
gastric juice triumphed. Something or otht
i'll the musie-boX gave way all ut once, The
springs were unrolled with alarming force
and William Bangs, as lie felt the fragments
of the instrument hurled right and le!l
among his vitals, tumbled over on tue floor
and expired. .as ..
AT the postmortcm examination they
found several pieces Of "Home, Sweet
Home" in his liver, while one Of his lungs
was severely torn BY fragment of a Life
on the Ucean Wave" Small particles Of
"Listcn to the Mocking-Bird" were re-
moved from his heart and brcast-bone, and
three brass pegs of "Thou'lt Never Cease tc
Love" were found firmly driven into hi.
fifth rib. .....
They had no music at the funeral. They
sifted the machinery out of him, and buried
him quietly 10 the cemetery. Whenever tb,
IAngses buy musical boxes now they &c
them as large as a piano, and chain them t.
the wall.
TOUCH AND RouGR-A merchant who wa
noted for his suffering rs well Us for hi
shrewdness in. making Il bargain stopped u
agrocery and inquired:
"How m-m-many t-t-t-turkcys have YOU
g-S-got?"
Eight, sit, 2 replied the grocer. -....
"T-t-t-tough or t-t-tendery" -
s, Same tpu6pr md So,na tn,lph -