New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1872-07-28
IN OLD but TRUE STORY.
Dan. O,Connsn and Mrs. OIorinrty

sion and he exhibited bis own great anu
mate qualities. Who that ever beheld him
on the Munster Circuit, when he was in the
height of his fame, but must have admired
his prodigious versatility of formidable
powers. His pathos was often admirable
his bumor flowed without effort OF art.
What Jokes he uttered-wbat sarcasms
How well be worked his case through, never
throwing away a chance never relaxing MS
untiTing energies
that O'Conneu ever figured in took place In
the early part of his life. Not long after he
was called to the bar, his character ana pc
culiar talents received rapid recognition
from all who were even casually acquainted
with him. His talent for vituperat.Ye ian
guage was perceived, and by some he was,
even in those days, considered matchless as
a scold. There was, however, at that time
in Dublin certain woman, Biddy MOriartyy
who had a huckster'S stall on one CT the
Quays nearly opposite the Four courts
She was ViragO of the first order, very
able with her fist and still more Formidable
with her tongue. From one end OF DuOhn
TO the other she was notorious for her pow
ers of abuse, and even in the provinces,
Mrs. MOriarty's language had passed into
currency The dictionary of Dublin slang
was considerably enlarged by her, and her
voluble impudence had become almost pro-
verbal. Some CfO'COnnelIs friends, howev-
en- thought that he could beat her in the use
of her own weapons. OF this, however, he
had some doubts himself, when he had
listened once or twice to some minor specl-
mems of her billiDgsgate. 1t was mooted
once whether the young Kerry barrlster
could encounter her, and some of the COM
pany, in O'COnnel's presence, rather too
freely ridiculed the idea of his being able to
meet the famous Madame MOriarty.
O'COnnell never liked the idea of being put
down, and he prOfessed his readiness TO en-
counter her, and even backed himself for
the match. Bets were offered and taken.
1t was decided that the match should come
off at once
The party adjourned to the huckster's
stall, and there was the owner herself,
experimenting the sale Of her small wares.
A few lOungers and ragged idlers were
hanging round her stall, tor BidGy was a
character" and, in her way, was one of
the sights of Dublin.
O'COnnell was very confident Of success.
He had laid an ingenious plan for OvercOm-
ing her, and with all the anxiety of an ar
dent expeTimentalist, waited to put II into
practice. He resolved to open the attack.
At this time O'COnnelrs own party and the
lOungers about the place formed an au-
dience quite sufficient to arouse Mrs. Mo-
riarty, on public prOvOcation. to due ex-
hibitiOn of her powers. O'COnneu COM
menced the attack:
whats the price Of this walking -stick,
Mrs. What'syOur-name ~
'MOriarty, sir, is my name, and good
one it is; and what have. you got to say
agen it and One-and-slxpence's tie price of
the stick. TrOth it's cheap as dirt-sO it is"
"One-and-sixpence for a walking-stick,
whew why, you are no better than impos
ter, to ask eighteen pence for what cost you
two pence"
1.-TWO pence, your grandmother" replied
Biddy; do you name to say that it's chat
ing the people / am ImpOstOT indeed y
AYE, impOstOr; and it's that / call you
to your teeth" replied O'COnnen,
Come, cut your stick, you cantankerOus
iackanapes."
keep a civil tongue in your head, You
old diagonal replied O'COnnell, calmly.
-" Stop your jaw, you pug-nOsed badger );
or by this and that" cried Mrs. MOriarty,
showing her fists, I'M make you go quicker
nor you come"
Don't be in passion, my old radius
anger will only wrinkle your beauty"
"By the hockey, if you say another word
of impudence, I'll tan your dirty hide, you
bastely common scrub; and sorry I'd be to
soil my fists upon your carcass"
"Whew boys, what passion old Biddy
is in protest, as I'm a gentleman-"
"Jintleman iintleman the likes of you
a jinteman Wisha by gar; that bangs
Banagher. Why, you pOtaUO-faced pippin
Fneezer, when did a Madagascar monkey
like you pick enough Of common Christian
decency to hide your Kerry brogue !"
Easy now: easy, now" cried O'ConneU,
with imperturbable good humor, don't
choke yourself with fine language, you old
whisky-drinking parallelOgram'
whats that you call me, you muTderin'
villain l" roared Mrs Moriarity, stung into
fury.
Il call you," answered O'ConneIl, ga
parallelOgram, and Dublin judge and
jury would say that its no libel to call you
So
"Oh, fare an Guns! Oh, holy Biddy I
that an honest woman like me should be
called parrybellygrum to her face. I'm
| none of your parry bellygrums, you rascally
| gallOws-bird; yOu cOwaFdly, sneabing,
| plate-ickin' bliggard!"
ooh, not you, indeed !" retOrted OCon-
nell ; why, suppose you'll deny that you
| keep an hypOthenuse in your house p
'Its lie for you, you dirty robber /
never had such a thing i'll my house, you
| swindling thief"
| "Why. sure all the neighbOrs know very
well that yOu keep, not only an hvpothe-
| muse, but that you 20 out to walk with him
| every Sunday, you heGrtless old heptagOn."
ooh, hear that, ye saints of glory Oh,
| there's bad language from a fellow that
wants to pass fer jntleman. May the
| devil fly away with you, you micher from
| Munster, and make celery sauce of your
rotten limbs, you mealy-mouthed tub of
| garbage"
"Ah, you can't deny the charge, you mis-
| cradle submultiple of duplicate ratio"
GO rinse your mouth in the Liffey, you
nasty tincle-pitcher; after all the bad words
| you speak it ought to be tilthier than your
| face, you dirty chicken Of Beelzebub."
"Rinse your own mouth, you wicked
minded old pOlygOn To the devil l pitch
! you, you clustering intersection Of a stink
| ing superfciesw
don't cease your jaw III" But here she
| gasped for breath, unable to hawk I'D any
more words, for the last volley of O'COn-
nell had nearly knocked the wind out of
| her.
while l have tongue III abuse you, you
| most inimitable periphery. Look at her,
| boys there she stands, a convicted perpen-
| dicular IN petticOats There's cOntamina-
| ton in her circumference, and she trembles
| with guilt down to the extremities of her
! cOrrOllaries. ALI you're found out, YOU
rectilinear anteeedent, equiangular old bag
| It's with you the old one will ~ away, YOU
! porter swiping similitude Of the bisec tion Of
| vortex ~
Overwhelmed with this torrent Of Ian
| guage, Mrs. MOriarty was silenced. Catch
! ing up saucepan, she was aiming at
| OCOnnOr's head, when he very prudeutly
made timely retreat.
You have wen the wager O'COnnell-
here's your bet" cried the gentleman who
| proposed the contest
| O'Connell knew well the use Of sound in
| the vituperatiOn, and having to deal with
| an ignorant scold, determined to overcome
! her in vOlubility by . usIng all the high
| sounding words which occur in FucIf6