Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1872-06-06
Varieties.

Ever near me in my dream.
|
Varieties.
A WISCONSIN editor speaks of a wind
which "just sat on its hind legs and
howled."
AN Omaha paper furnishes its readers
with an account of the capture of Metz.
He was burglar.
A CHINESE newspaper has entered
| upon its two thousandth volume. 1t
has lost nearly all of its original sub
scribers.
A Missouri farmer attempted to
smoke out rabbit, and burned up half
a mile of fence and over hundred apple
trees. He caught the rabbit.
OLD lady to her niece" Good gra-
cious, Matilda, but it's cold. My teeth
are actually chattering." Loving niece
=" Well, don't let them chatter too
much, or they may tell where you
bought them"
AN exchange tells that, at twenty
years ofage Leland Stanford arrived in
| California with only one shirt to his
back. Since then, by close attention
| to business, he has accumulated over
ten millions" What can a man want
| with ten million shirts p
Col. HORACE SCOTT, Superintendent
| of the Jeffersonville road, owns dog
| that sits upon piano-stool, touches the
keys with the finest precision, rattles
off "Shoo Fly" and other pieces scien-
| tifically with his feet upon the keys,
and initiates song with a howl that
undergoes all the musical inflictions.
A rEGRo preacher at a Georgia camp
meeting told his hearers that they
could never enter heaven with whisky
bottles in their pockets, and urged
them to "bring 'em right up to the
pulpit, and he would offer 'em sacri-
| flee to de Lord" The consequence
was that the good shepherd was in the
| evening so overcome by the spirit as to
be unable to preach.
In order to get the streets cleaned, a
Little Rock paper prints this pleasant
paragraph: ave have laid in an ele-
CANT assortment of first-class obituaries,
| from which we shall select with pleasure
fitting one, for each of the aldermen,
when he dies from the cholera or other
disease, superinduced by the filthy con-
dition of our streets and alleys.
THE precocious infant is going the
rounds again. She is able to recite
| from memory without spectacles the
whole story of Rip Van Winkle, which
covers ten printed pages. Being only
three years and half old, she forgot to
participate with the other good little
| girls in the reception of Washington
and Lafayette, and doesn't even dis
| tinctly remember the War of 1872, like
so many other ornaments of her sex.
| These shortcomings, however, are over
looked by the family out of considera-
ton for the natural inexperience of
youth.
| A FARMER on the road between Charl-
ton and Worcester Mass having been
terribly annoyed by drummers, put up
| the sign: "No sewing machines
wanted. Got onep 1t was of no use,
however, the next drummer wanted to
see the machine, so now the farmer has
put out, "small-pox," and says that
works first rate.
THE baseball player was last heard of
at Keokuk, Iowa, where he knocked
out a home run, girls eye, and this
item at one fell swoop.
al came near selling my boots the
other day." said Jones to friend.
"How SO ?'' "Well. had them half
soled."
AN old lady says she hears every day
of civil engineers, and wonders if there
is no one to say a civil word for con-
ductors.
SAID Detroit lady to gentleman of
that city, " You are a musician, l be-
lieve ?"" No. said he "if were the
proprietor of a hand organ, set ex-
pressly to play Old Hundred couldn't
get seventy.fve out of it.''
AT a recent trial the counsel for the
prosecution, after severely cross examin-
ing a witness, suddenly put on look
of severity and exclaimed:
"Now, sir, was not an effort made to
induce you to tell a different story 2"
GA different story from what 1 have
told, do you mean"
"That's what l mean"
ayes, sir several persons have trieo
to get me to tell different story from
what 1 have told, but they couldn't"
Now sir, upon your oath, l wish tc
know who these persons are"
Well, you've tried about as hard a.
any of them"
He was questioned no further on that
p oint.
A YANKEE doctor has contrived to ex
tract from sausages powerful tonic
which, he says, contains the whole
strength of the original bark. He call
, it the sulphate of canine.
To DEcoY A Pig, instead of drivin