The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1872-10-25
RELIGIOUS IRONY.

dependeHt, Is too good not to find It's
way into field of wide circulation.
The subject being a serious one, all
professors of religion are requested
n OF, even, to smile whilst reading
the article. For several days after
reading, they may think of it and
feel amused
There has been an effort made for
the last twenty years to kill congre-
gational singing. The attempt has
been tolerably successful but it
seems to me that some rules might
be given by which the work could
be done more quickly and COM
pletely. What is the use of having
it lingering on in this uncertain
way? Why not put it out of it's
misery? If you are gcing to kill a
snake, kill it thoroughly, and do not
let it keep on wagiDg it's tail till sun
down. Congregational singing is a
nuisance, anyhow, to many of the
people. It interferes with their
comfort. It offends their taste. It
disposes their noses to fexibility in
the upward direction. It is too
democratic in its tendency. Down
with congregational singing and let
US have no more of it.
The first rule for killing it is to
have only such tunes as the people
cannot sing.
In some churches it is the custom
for choirs at each service to sing one
tune which the people know. It is
very generous of the choir to do
that. The people ought to be very
thankful for the donation. They do
not deserve it. They are all ''mis-
erabIe offenders I heard them say
so), and, if permitted once in a
service to sing, ought to think them
selves highly favored. But I oppose
this singing of even the one tune
that the people understand. 1t spoils
them. It gets them bankering after
more. Total abstinence is the only
safety for, if you allow them to i'm
bibe at all, they will get in the habit
of drinking too much of it, and the
first thing you know they will be
going around drunk on sacred
psalmody. Besides that if you let
them sing one tune at service, they
will be putting their oar into other
tunes and bothering the choir. There
is nothing more annoying to the
choir than, at some moment when
they have drawn out note to ex-
quisite fneness, thin as a split hair,
to have some laundering elder to
come in with q "Praise ye the
Lord !'' Total abstinence, I say! Let
all the churches take the pledge even
against the milder musical beverages;
for they who tamper with cham
pagne soon get to Hook and old Bur-
gundy.
Now, if all the tunes are new,
there will be no temptation to the
people. They will not keep hum
ming along, hoping that they will
find some bars down where they can
break into the clover pasture. They
will take the tune as an inextricable
conundrum, and give it up. Besides
that Pisgah, Ortonville, and Brattle
Street are old-fashioned. They did
very well in their day. Our fathers
were sinple-minded people, and the
tunes fitted them. But our fathers
are gone, and they ought to have
taken their baggage with them. It
is a nuisance to have those old tunes
floating around the church, aud some
time, Just as we have got the music
as fine as an opera, to have a revival
of religion come, and some newborn
soul break out in "ROck of Ages
Cleft for Me p till the organist
stamps the pedal with indignation
and the leader of the tune gets red
in the face and swears. Certainly
anything that make a man swear is
wrong-ergO, congregational singing
is wrong. QuOd eTat denlOnstranduH;
which, being translated, means
Plain as the nose on mans face.
What right have people to sing
who know nothing about 1hythp1ics,
melodies, dynamics &? The old tunes
when compared with our modern
beauties. Let Dundee and Portuguese
Hymn and Silver Street hide their
heads beside what we Heard not
long ago IN church-iust where l
shall not tell. The minister read
the hymn beautifully. The organ
began, and the choir sang, as near
as could understand, as follows:
gee-bah
Ah-me-la-he
O-pah-sah-dah
Wo-haw-gee-e-e-e.
Ny wife, seated beside me, did not
like the music. But l said 90 What
beautiful sentiment! Ny dear, it is
a pastoral. You might have known
that from " Woha1g-gee" You have
had your taste ruined by attending
the Brooklyn Tabernacle" The