The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1872-01-06

3 eNrsFaNfatD W ttO 1tVSAVA VOC llAAb NO
have enough one-horse singers.
Selma, Alabama. has negro girl
who Tan skip tlle rope with a pailfll
Of slops OH her head and not slop
over.
Corn bread?'' said an Irish waiter,
1--WE haven't got it +; and isn't 1t corn
baie We nmney"
Boswell once asked johnson ifthere
were no possible circumstances Under
which snicide would bc justifiabie.
no" was the reply.
"Well, says Boswell. s.Suppose a
man had been guilty OF fiaml that he
was certain would be fould out y
"Well, then, - says Johnson, in that
ease let him go to some country wliere
he ishot kluo,sn aud not to the devil,
where he Is known
Johney was telling his ina how he
was going to dress, and show off when
he gets TO be man: Ills ma asked +:
.Johney Whit 10 you expect to do
for living when you get to be q
nlan!" "Well, reckon n get MAR
ried, and board with my witc's pa"
A Hartford editor having twitted an
editor in neighboring city of being
bald, subsequently apologised and ex-
planned thar, ''as long as----can fold
his ears over the top of his head,
he dosen't need any hair any how"
Western Judge is reported to have
thus addressed prisoner before him
prior to passing the sentence: "Pris-
0lier at the har-Proyldence has given
you a good degree OF health and
strength, instead of which you 20
around the country stealing ducks."
An old lady gave this as her idea of
q great man: ZONE who is kceriul Of
his clothes, don't drink spirits, kin
read the Bible without spelling the
words, and eata cold dinner on wash
day without grnmbling."
ScoTIISH.-First IIieland man
''She'll be te best wIlusky | shall have
tastit for efermore. " Second do.---'SO
tit neither" Third do" Neither
tit |, too"
A boy stealing chestnuts in town
not far from New York, was caught
by the irlte owner Of the trees.
''Wlat is your name, you little
scamp Z" lie asked. Tweed, blnb-
Geretl the boy, whcreupon tile fright
cned farmer loosed bis holt and fled.''
When You go to drown yourself put
of your CLOTHES they may fit your
wife's second husband.
A pretty, rich young widow was
regarding herself lately at mirror
in her chamber, while for the first
time trying Oil lier widows cap. ''Be-
hold, she exclaimed the real cap Of
liberty"
The Boston Post says Greeley's lee
ture on "Wit" proves how long man
may talk without exhibiting any.
An Irishman qnareling with an
Englishman told him if he did not
hold his tongue he would break his
impenetrable head and let the brains
ont Of his empty skull.
swell, my dear" said a good pas
tor at Sunday school to a tOw-headed
urchin, II am glad to hear you are
getting to be u better boy "Why,
sir, said little Joe, looking up with
grave eanestness, gosh, | amt been
sick"
A man sent note to rich neigh
Dor, with whom he was on friendly
terms, to borrow an ass for few
hours. The worthy old man was no
scholar, and happened to have guest
sitting with him at the time, to whom
lie did not wish to expose his ign0r-
ance. Opening the note and pretending
to read 1t. "sery good, "said be; tell
your master Ill come myself present.
ly."
An old farmers description of q
pointleSs preacher was: "A good man,
likely, but he rlled with the teeth
up"
''Papa," said little urchin to his
father, the other day, Il saw print
cr so down the strectjust now"
ibid you sonney: How did yon
know it was printer?n
because do, pa"
"But he might have been carpen-
ter, blacksmith, or q shoemaker
''Oh, no, papa !; he was u printer
likely an editor--for he was gnawing
at a bone, and he ha,l lno stockings on.
The crown was out of his hat, and his
coat was all torn. | am certain he
was printer"
The Assistant Po tanast r of ChiCa-