Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1872-03-07
QUips and Quiddities.
EXTREMES meat-souse.

HIGH and dry-many of the public
lecturers.
AN artificial florist who lives upon the
second floor may be called second
Flora. .-.ef7
WHERE ought we always to find the
milk of human kindness? In the pale
of the church. t.' sgsif:
IT is a queer woman who asks Lo
questions, but the woman who does is
the querist.
The improved means of reaching the
Yo Semitic will render it more accessible
to valleytudinarians.
SOME one describes a philanthropist
as a man who loves all mankind and
neglects his own family. . 7e 5ea
WHAT three great authors would
person name who witnessed the Chicago
fre2 Dickens, Hewitt, Burns.
THE only mention of paper money
in the Bible is where it says a dove
brought the green back to Noah.
HEIGHT of extravagance-getting your
self run over by railroad car just after
you have bought your diary for 1872.
THERE is musician who has such a
tame piano that he can send it to the
brokers', and it will fetch twenty
pounds. .rs... .4grs-e.z
THE libel suit of Judge Porter Us. r.
81. Mcbride, editor of the Eldora (Iowa)
Ledger for $25, 900, has been decided in
favor of the defendant. a
A NEGRO. after gazing at some Chinese,
shook his head and solemnly said If
de white folks be as dark as dat out dar,4
wonder what's de color of de black
folks"
JUDGE BACON once trying a man. Hog by name.
Who made with his lordship of kindred claim.
Hold.' said the Judge, " You're little mis-
Hog must be hung first before tits good Bacon"
"NEvER mind the obituary, Judge"
said Montana culprit, when the court
became pathetic in pronouncing the
sentence. Let's fix the time for the
funeral"
A SHAWL manufacturer in Philadel-
phia has spun a thread twenty-seven
miles long from one pound of American
| wool. 1t is one of the greatest yarns on
record. t~ SOS
WE are all blandly liberal until some
body treads upon our theoIog,ca corns,
and then We at once discover that the
offender isn't much of man and a
brother after all.
cents mileage, and the member who
lives the furthest away from the Court
House thus draws eight cents each day
for walking down and back. 4ss g5
A DANBURY German is named Wach-
schleighemshamel. How would you
like to stand on a back stoop with the
Thermometer IL degrees below zero,
and call that chap in to breakfast3 10
A Missouri woman recently eloped,
leaving the following note to comfort
her husband: Dear William-Good
bye; don't mourn for the children, be-
cause none of them are yours"
az THINK" said a farmer, "I should
! make good Congressman, for use
their language. 1 received two bills
the other day, with requests for imme-
diate payment; the one l ordered to be
| laid on the table; the other to be read
| that DAY six months"
JEFFERSON, Texas, is amazed over a
| haunted house, owned by c. 81. Dorm,
| who, on account of the spectres there
seen, can get neither purchaser nor
| renter. He intends to tear it down and
build a school on the site, which, it is
thought, will disperse the spirits.
MRS ARNOLD, of Detroit, Mich, re-
| preached her husband Samuel for his
| laziness, on Wednesday of last week,
! and told him that he had better go to
| the woods and hang himself. He went
| away, and has not been seen since. His
! wife believes that he has taken her
advice. --
"MY SON." said good mother 20 her
young hopeful, "did you wish your
teacher a happy New Year" No,
ma'am," responded the boy. swell,
why not2' ;" Because" said the youth,
"she isn't happy unless she's whipping
some of us boys, and l was afraid if
wished her happiness, she'd go for me-" +
A LODE of lead has been discovered at
| Sinsinawa Mound, Grant county, Wis,
which is said to be the most wonderful
ever known in the district. The open
| ing is IL feet wide apd filed with mine
raj to a depth of As feet.
IHERE is considerable excitement at
Carrsville, Tenn, over the discovery of
| rich deposits of lead and other ores by
the Memphis Company, which recently
purchased mining land at that place.
SMITH thought it was morally wrong
to take the animals for food, and he re-
solved to quit it and live on vegetables.
| But one morning he gave way to tempta-
ton and walked into beef-steak. 81
don't know" said he, "that it's any
harm to eat a piece of this COW, since
| it's dead and the matter can't be helped;
but I'n be hanged if I'll ever kill onep'
An Expensive Railway. .sI j.
The Baltimore and Ohio railroad ex-
| meets to open in June a direct line from