Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1872-09-12
mermaid.

school ma'ams as fast as they arrive.
ANOTHER reason why women should
vote. Her voice can be heard two miles
up in the air, while a mans can be heard
only one.
"WHAT is the best butter ?" exclaimed
an orator at a meeting of dairymen.
An old ram ~ responded sheep-raising
interloper.
THE man who has never known the
luxury of doing kindness will probably
never know the bliss of heaven.
A DIsGUsTED theater-goer says,
"There's no plays like for home" for
him. He retired singing to himself,
"Home, GAIN"
ANSWER TO LADY CORRESPONDENT
No; ships do not wear. .whalebones in
their stays, nor do they suffer from tight
lacing.
WHEN young lady offers to hem a
cambria handkerchief for rich bachelor
she means to sew in order that she may
reap.
Two FIERCE Georgia lawyers recently
cross examined a colored witness until he
tainted.
A MAN wearing three gorgeous breast
pins, but no stockings, recently attracted
attention in Danbury, Conn.
SOME one, in speaking against suicide,
says, as clincher, that it is the height of
impoliteness to go anywhere unless you
are sent for.
A DWARF said to a giant, "We have
equal rights % Every true, my good fel-
low," replied the giant, "yet thou canst
not walk in my shoes" "Ditto," said
the dwarf.
THE soldiers of the mail escort out
West now travel in a blackboard which is
drawn by two stout mules. This is far
better all round than the old way.
A YOUNG lady who "just dotted on
Longfellow," declares she has lost all in
terest in her poems since he lost that race
with Harry Bassett the other day.
"WHY don't you go to sleep ?" said a
mother to her three year-old daughter.
6 am trying" she replied. But you
haven't shut your eyes" "Well, can't
help it; um comes unbuttoned."
WOULD you take the last cent person
has for glass of soda water? "Yes," I"
responded the unthinking proprietor
whereupon hopeful pulled out the cent
and got drink.
THE St. Louis Globe tells its readers
that Louisville mules, after kicking
the countenance off their drivers, calmly
l
where it can be attended to-"
A RHODE ISLAND reporter gives this as
positive fact /: GA young lady, on re.
turning from walk with her lover the
other evening, raped him on the face and
kissed the door,"
THE late Bishop of Norwich said
" Cheerfulness is the daughter of employ
ment, and l have known a man come
| hnnoo in hirb Itc ft1nara1
| ly because he had the management of it. ,
A COUNTRY girl near Louisville has
learned how to utilize her father. When
her "feller" rides out to see her, she
makes the cold man" keep the flies of
the horse during the visit.
| AN old bachelor in Greenwich avenue
New York, utilized the recent hot weather
by cooking his meals with burning glass
He said the mutton tasted of sulphur
and the steak was strongly impregnateC
with magnesium.
THE Fat Contributors Saturday Nigh
says the meanest man yet discovered lives
in Louisville. He bOrrows half gallon
of ice water every day, and promises tC
return it next winter.
PATIENCE is a virtue that one often ha:
great occasion to use, and he who expect:
to get along comfortably through the
world would do well to lay in early ;
large stock.
NATURE is the only workman to whom
no material is worthless, the only chemis
il whose laboratory there are no waste
products, and the only artist whose com
positions are infinitely varied, and whost
fertility of invention is inexhaustible.
"MIKE, why don't you fire at thos,
ducks Don't you see you have got thu
whole flock before your gun ?" 81 know
l have but, you see, when l get gooC
aim at one, two or three others viii
swim 'twixt him and me-"
A MOBILE young man got up the othe
night to obtain a drink, and mistaking
Babcock fire eXtinguisher for the waite
cooler, tinkered with it until he received
a heavy charge of acid on his shir
bosom. He didn't wait for second dos,
nor to explain his action to the boss.
ONE of the features of a London thea
ter is woman styling herself the Mexi
can athlete. She holds suspended by
cord from her teeth two 1sO pound balls
and at the same time 100 pound ball il
each hand. She also shoulders 50
pound cannon, and holds it while rount
is being fired.
A LEADING dry goods merchant of Bel
fast, Me-, being afflicted with rheumatism
concluded to have his wife bathe hin
with balsam. She accordingly got tn
bottle, and commencing at his head
rubbed him all over. After finishing tn
job she looked at the bottle, and tount
that she had vanished her better hal
from head to foot with furniture polish
A GOOD joke is told of Florence mel
cnant who recently took trip to Canada
While taking dinner upon one of tn
Canadian steamers, said merchant yer.
innocently took an egg, broke its shell
and emptied its contents. as he sup
posed, into an egg cup. After arranging
it to suit his taste, he raised the supposed
egg cup, when, 10 it was a China nap
kin ring. The Indignation of the met
chant and the mirth of the guests wer
alike unmistakable.
A BEeGAR asked for piece of breaC
and butter at house the other day, ant
on couple of slices being brought to hin
he Immediately refused it. NWhat's tn