The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1872-03-28
A Speech by - Mark EvaIgi.D


New York, at which were present large
number Of distinguished Journalists, Vice
President Cofax presided. " Mark Twain
spoke substantially IS follows:
Gentlemen, would rather address stag
dinner party than any other assemblage IN
the world laughter fog the reason
that when you make point, those who
have beea listening always applaud, and
those who have been talking u each other
and diG not hear It, applaud louder than
anybody else laughter and if | only
had a speech prepared for this occasion, l
would take genuine delight in delivering
it. Laughter.] But / got the notifca-
ton to I've present 1t this dinner this even
ing, at half past eleven clock this morning.
or pay what | owed TO the -4ldiHe eStab
/ lishment- iaugbter land had TO leave
half an hour after that IN order - make
this trip, SO hzi 40 opportunity of pre-
pairing a speech, and am not one Of those
geniGses who can make speech IN
promy.u. have made a great many hap
by impr0mUtu speeches, bat had time TO
prepare them. Laughter. Now, i is
singular and | suppose that, but for
/ circumstance which happened when | was
| fourteen years OF age, might have rushed
| blindiy, into real 'mpromptu speeches, and
injured me good deal. Laughter.
This circumstance, which happened when |
was fourteen years of age, has alravs pro
tected NE against anything q that k.ud,
/ and it has led me to think good
/ deal--naw, ] don't think good de'l,
generally laughter of what may
! probably be the moving spring.
/ of human action. l put that in
merely because it is a gooi expression.
Laughter. Now the thing that made the
deepest impression on my mind, and has
/ lasted until this moment, was matter III
| itself essentially trivial. 1t occurred when
| was boy, and it has protected me up TO
! this time against making u speech when
/ hadn't Il speech prepared 1t was re-
mark made by Il friend. He said:
! could have catchcd them eats if had had
on good ready" Laughter Now, at
/ first glance that don l appear to convey an
idea, but it does and the meat Of it is this:
/ don't do anything hurTiedly: don't 10 a
! thing unless You are prepared 10 do it;
/ therefore, until this moment, | never have
made speech unless / had that speech
all set down and ready. This incident is
OF 20 Consequence to you at all, and | ncv-
er made Il speech in my life unless ! tried
to inculcat-a moral Mushterl; unless /
tried to convey instruction, and if | can
make You better than you are laughter =
1 it Is not for me to say there is room for it,
! though suppose there is laughter. If
/ / can make you wiser than you are, Or if
| / can protect you in after life rs / have
/ been protected, let me do it here, even #
/ perish on the spot. Laughtcr.l Now
/ this thing occurs IN this wise. As trivial
as it is, it is matter to be treasured, |
think, and remembered. When | was
fourteen, as remarked before, / was liy-
ing with my parents, who were very pooy
and correspOndlngly honest. We had
( youth living with US by the name Of jim
| W olfe. He was an excellent fellow, seven
/ teen years Old and very diihdent. lie and
! slept together and one very bitter win
( tcrs night Cousin Mary of mine
/ she's married now and gone laugh
/ ter gave what they called a can4y pull
| ing in those days in the " est, ana they
! took the saucers of hot candy outside Of
/ the house into the snow, under IL sort Of
old bower that came ont from the caves
/ it was Il sort Of an ell then all covered with
yines-to cool this hot candy in the snow,
/ and they were all sitting around there, and
/ IN the mCautn3 we were gone to bed, we
1 We're not invited to attend this party,We were
/ too young. All these young ladies and
gentlemen were assembled there, aaI Jim
! and | were in bed. There WAS about four
! inches of snow on the roof of this ell, and
! our window looked cut on to it, and it was
/ frozen hard. \ couple Of tom-cats were
assembled on the chimney, in the middle
Of this ell, and they were growing at a
fearful rate, and switching their tails
about, and going on, and we couldn'
/ sleep at all. Finally, Jim said, - For
/ two cents Ia 70 off and snake them cats
/ off that chimney" so | said, "0f course
! YOU would" well, he sale, " Well, would;
j have Il mighty good notion to do it,
! says |, "Of course you have; certainly YOU
have; YOU have great notion to do it," |
hoped he might try it, bnt ! was afraid he
wouldn't. Finally, | did get his ambition
up, and he raised the window and climbed
out on that ICY roof, with nothing on but
lbs socks and shirt. Laughter lie
went climbing along on I'll fourS on the
roof toward this chimney where the cats
We're. In the meantime these young ladies'
.and gentlemen We're enjoying them ,clyes
down under the caves, and when Jim got
to that chimney he made Il pass at the
cats, and his heels flew up and he shot
down and crushed through those Who's. and
lit in the midst of the ladies and gentlemen,
and sat down in those hot saucers of can
dy laughter and there was general
stampede of course, aud he came upstairs
dropping pieces of china-ware al candy
all the way up, and when he got up there
ROW anybody in the world would have
gone into profanity or something calcutta
ted to relieve the mind under such circum-
stances laughter but he didn't. He
scrapeI the candy of his legs nurScd his
blsters little, and said, Il could have
ketchel them cats if had had on good
ready" Now, | say this, that if the
opportunity had 50 fallen out that | coald
have had ample opportunity to get ep
speech, could have gotten up speech
that would have sent you all home--happy
or othcrn Use; could have gotten up II
speech that would have done honor to the
occasion ami to me: but under the circIm-
stances, have had no opportunity, anj l
could not get up such Il speech but, as long
as YOU live, # You remember the crcum-
stances At all, You will remember that if
| hal had on a goo ready, | would have
caught these literary cats here present.
Laushter.l Now, won't bore You any
further but will say that am glad to be
present here, glad to help to celebrate this
occasion, the new era Of all enlarged pros
perity of the 4idiae, and also the calling
to the editorial chair Of a gentleman Of
culture like Mr.. StoiIari, and | am glad
to be able to sit with so bright q company
as this, and hope YOU VIII excuse further
remarks from yours truly. Laughter
Ask tse cid woman.
Riding horseback just ut night through
the woods in Saginaw county, Michigan,
| came into Il clearing, in the middle of
which stood DOLLHOUSE, its owner sitting
in the open doorway, smoking his pipe.
Stopping my horse before him, the follow
ing conversation ensued:
q Good evening sir" said |.