The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1872-06-27
Greeley'sy Picture.
DRAWN BY MARX TWAIN.

he next goes to breakfast, which is frugal,
absteminous meal. with him, and consists of
nothing but Just such things as the market
affords-nothing more. He drinks nothing
but water-nothing whatever but water and
coffee, and tea and Scotch ale, and lager beer
and lemonade with fly in it sometimes, a
house-Hy and sometimes horse-ay, according
to the amount of inspiration required to warm
him up to his daily duties. During breakfast
he reads the Tribune all through, and enjoys
the satisfaction of knowing that all the bril-
liant things in it, written by Young, and
Cooke, and Hazard, and myself, are attributed
to him by confding and ignorant public.
After breakfast he. writes short editorial,
and puts large dash at the beginning of it,
thus, ~, which is the same as if he put
n. G.. after and takes savage pleasure IN
rejecting that none of us understrappers can
use that dash except in profane conversation
when chafng over the outrage. He writes
this editorial in his own handwriting. He
does it tbecause he is so vain of his penmanship.
He hired out once in his young days as a
writing master, but the enterprise failed. The
pupils could not translate his remarks with
any certainty. His first copy was Virtue is
tits own reward, 2 and they got "Washing with
soap is low and absurd" and so the trustees
discharged him for attempting to convey bad
morals through the medium of worse penman-
ship. But as was saying, he writes this
morning editorial. Then he tries to read it
over, and can't do it, and SO he sends it to the
printers, and they try to read it, and can't do
it; and so they set it up at random, as you
may say, putting in what words they can make
out; and when they get aground on long
word they put in protection" or universal
suffrage" and spar off and paddle ahead, and
next morning if the degraded public can tell
what it is all about they say that II. &. wrote
it; and if they can't they say it is one of
those imbecile understrappers, and that Is the
end of it.
On Sundays Mr.. Greeley sits in prominent
pew in Mr.. Chapin's church and lets on that
he is asleep, and the congregation regard it as
eccentricity of genius
When he is going to appear in public, Mr..
Greeley spends two hours on his toilet. lie Is
the most painstaking and elaborate man about
getting up his dress that lives in America.
This is his chiefest and pleasantest foible. He
| puts on his old white Dvercoat and turns up
the collar. He puts On soiled shirt, saved
from the wash, and leaves one end Of the col
lar unbuttoned. He puts on his most dilapida-
ted hat turns it wrong side before, cants it on
the back of his head, and jams an extra dent
IN Cne Slue OF IL. ne putS Oh uls moo' acio-
cious boots, and spends fifteen minutes tucking
the left leg of his pants into the boot-top in
what shall seem the most careless and un-
studied way. But his cravat-t is into the ar
rangement of his cravat that he throws all his
soul, all the powers of his great mind. After
fixing it fol. forty minutes before the glass, it
is perfect-it is askew in every way-it over
flows his coat-collar on one side and sinks into
oblivion on the other-.it climbs and it delves
around about his neck, the knot is conspicu-
ously displayed under his left ear, and it
stretches one Of its long ENDS straight out hGI
the good old Toodles fashion-and then, COM
pletely and maryelously appareled, Mr.. Gree
ley strides forth, rolling like sailor, a miracle
of astounding costumery, the awe and wonder
of the nation!