The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1872-11-14
Mrs. Milkins's Club.

that club, and l don't want You to be-
long to it. I wont have you going down
there and exposing family secrets, and
letting all the women around town know
what a ridiculous old chuckle-head I've
got for a wife"
"NIr. Wilkins, I'll"
"And undertaking to preach women's
rights to lot of pigeon-toed, fluffy old
girls, each of whom has been trying all
her life to get haJeaS corpus on some
single man or other, but never found
any one who had such very bad taste as
to have her. l say Iwon't have it. It's
perfectly ridiculous for a woman like
you, who has about as mucsi ida about
writing an essay as q spoiled oyster has
of thorough-bass, to undertake to read
paper ON NNoman's Mission. In my
opinion, women had better be mission
aries at home, and try to convert victuals
into dinners than be egoin ground reading
documents like that you've been writing,
about three miles long"
"Mr. Wilkins, that's no such thing,
and"
"Threo miles long, on a subject you
don't know anything at all about, I'd
like to know what sense there is in COW
ering three or four million sheets of
paper with your ideas, even if you had
any. 1 suppose you'll be wanting me
next to hire dray to haul your manu-
script round to the club room; but l
give you fair warning, amt a-going to
10 it, not if I know myself, and l think
do"
"You know 1 don't want"
"You don't expect those old women to
set it out while You read the whole OF
that, do you? Why, you must be crazy!
You seem to forget that human beings
don't often live more than threescore and
ten years, and it'll take you that long to
get half through, and they a-sleeping all
the time. You'd better take around Il
demijohn of Hofrman's anodyne. and be
done with it."
"Wilkins, you talk like a"
"Id just like to know what you want
to vote for, anyhow. In my opinion,
you'd better devote your attention to
your family. A pretty looking specta-
Gle you'll make, going to the polls and
getting into plug muses., and having
your eyes BACKED and your nose blood
led, and your ridiculous bonnet smashed
over your eyes, and making stump
speeches. Not but what you'll do well
on the speech; you've got an extra gift
that way"
"Wilkins, you must be rrazy!'
"And wandering around the streets
in professions, carrying a torch light,
and coming home greasy about four
in the morning, smelling Of coal oil. By
George say wont have it. If you
haven't any respect for yourself, you
shall have Tor your children and me-
You shall, by George!"
"You know L don't intend to"
a expect nothing else but you'll be
wanting to be boss of this shanty, and
be putting on airs, and trying to wear
the trousers. But you shan't wear mine.
If you 90 fooling around with my dry
goods, you'll get yourself into trouble;
mind, 1 tell you. Idon't want You strad-
ding about in my clothes, let me tell you.
[ don't meddle with yourpettlcoats, and
one thing and another, do L? And 1
give you notice, I want you to let my
things alone"
"But, Wiki"
"Let them alone, and be decent. You
needn't go around Dragging, and think
ing I'm proud of you. I'm mortified
half to death about your outrageous be-
havior. You're enough to aggravate a
plaster Of Paris angel, you are. Why
don't you try to be egentell, and go down
and practise on the front door-steps with
bar Of soap and q scrubbing-brush, in
stead OF bowling around this town about
woman's rights, and making a perfect
absurd jackass OF yourself? Why don't
you be of some use in the world, like
Smiths wife who had her leg cut off last
week by accident, but instead of sitting
down and yelping and believing over it,
she gave it to Smith to"haye knife-han-
dies and buttons made out of the bone ?
Why don't you do like her, and try to
live for some purpose, hey?
"What an awful story, Wilk-"
81 expect nothing else but you'll be
sporting o high hat next, and trying to
part your hair behind; what you've got
left of it, at least"
"Wilkins, I'll scratch"
"But don't care how much bigger
fool you make of yourself, only you're
just polluting the minds of my offspring,
and teaching them to walk in the road
to ruin. It's too outrageous for any
thing. There's Breckenridge Augustus
eas been and saved up and bought a
high hat, and he staggers around under
it, looking more like some old clothes
pin with an iron pot hung on it, than
like the child of respectable parents
There's more hat than there is boy, and
the first thing you know he'll shut up in
it, like telescope, and very likely smoth-
er to death, and all alone of your ridic-
ulous tomfoolery and neglect your own
offspring"
"Wilkins, that is ridiculous"
Il say it's shameful that you should
set such an example to your children,
and stuff such ideas into Holofernes
Montgomery's head, that he's doing his
ALFRED best to grow moustache, until
it's drawing all the strength out Of his
scalp, and his heads getting bald, and
he has rubbed his upper lip with fore.
ing salve until it's swelled up about the
size of a five cent loaf of bread, so that