The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1872-12-06
NUMBER 45.
THE LIGHTNING ROD M4N.


/ He called in all his radiant beauty and
inimitabe cheek. Unfortunately we were
IN a healthy condition, and he was not de
MED admiitance. We knew at once that
he was the lightning rod man, and we
groaned in anticipation of the coming affiic-
ton. 1.-The editor" he asked with bow.
''No, the editor has just gone out to kill
2 life insurance man"
''Well, | can explain the matter to you.
Being a man of literary attainments, you
undoubtedly take an interest in science,
which in y few years has covered the earth
with railroads and teleSraphs. which has
filled the river with steamboats,, and the
sea with floating palaces, which has found
means to defy the lightning OF heaven
We take not the slightest interest in
! science We regard Robert Fulton as an
/ lhAposter, Stephenson as a nuisance, Morse
! as an unmltlgated rulian. and think that
1 Benjamin Franklin should have been tied
/ to the tail of his own kite. and sent on a
/ voyage among the thunderbolts. Heit was
! who invented lightning rod men, the vilest
wretcheS who cucumber the earth. i law
/ should be at once passed giving every man
/ in the community a right to XIII any light
ming rod man on sight, OF nail him 10 the
chimney, and stick a lightning rod down
/ his throat 50 that the first spoTtiye thun-
/ derbolt that should come that way should
annihilate him"
! We were getting angry, and we are mild
! SPOKEN in our anger. HenOw planted him
self in a chair, as serene and calm as though
we had been calling him a benefactor to
the human race.
''Gou don't understand this lightning
rOd-it IS the mOstrecent invention, unlike
anything ever before produced. 1t viii yet
take rank with such inventions as printing,
the steam engine and the telegraph The
world viii yet revere the invenuoras ben
efactor second to no one who has ever
lived. This lightning rod is for protecting
the person. not dwellings. 1t Is compost
/ ton of India rubber iron, and a chemical
! known only TO the inventor. It is wound
| around the body, and run from the crown
/ Of the hat To the boot heel. Lightning
/ will have no power to harm the man who
/ wears it. The rod is also a protection to
/ viUlence. A man in Nevada wore one OF
/ them. Jr drunken row he was shot at
! seventeen times without being injured, a
hatchet exploded and killed the man in
whose hands 1t was when he attempted to
strike the man who wore the charmed
| lightning rOd-that is the name it bears.
He took 4 voyage to San Francisco. On
the way the train on which he was tTav-
cling was pitched down a deep george 1900
| feet IL depth. Everybody else on the train
was killed, and the cars and locomotive
! were smashed to pieces, and he walked to
! san Francisco without experiencing the
| slightest Inconvenience. The man who
! uses the charmed lightning rod can not
die by violence-it is doubtful indeed, if
he viii ever die. as no person who has pur-
chased one has yet died"
He would have continued, but we inter
Tupted him with-''G on wearOne Ofthem?"
i wouldn't be without one of them for
sums untold-would sooner do without
food and sleep
And would it be impossible to hurt you
while you wear it ?''
LAS impossible as it would be for fly
to eat up the Rocky Mountains"
''Wil' you wait for US for few minutes,
while we give some necessary directions ?''
Certainly, " was his instant reply,
''My entire afternoon is at your service
We went out and collected all the men
employed in the Building and told them the
circumstances, and each man armed him
self at once. None of them had ever killed
n man, and each was anxious to enjoy the
| luxury of trying to do so. We got neigh
| Dor who owns Russian bloodhound as big
as a Shetland pony, to bring him in too.
! We then marched double file into the edi-
/ torial room. The man with tie dog led
! the way. The noise caused the lightning
rod man to turn his head. He gave one
/ howl, and fed through the back door, fol-
/ lowed by voIley of shot and the Russian
! bloodhound. We followed him up Frank
/ lin street and across the Park to Broadway.
| There we stopped. But the bloodhound
did not return FOR two days, and there was
q fiendish glare in his eyes, as though he
had been enjoying himself in his savage
way. We much fear the L. r. NJ. has
been diGested ere this. The fate Of this
wTetched man should be a lesson to all
agents who think of invading the sacred
precincts of our sanctum, or who try TO
impose upon the credulity of the editor.