The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-07-05
scIssoRINGs.

Why is o young lady like O music
book? Because she is full of airs.
The earliest barbecue on record
Luther burning the Pope's bull at
Worms.
An Irishman just landed was
asked what party he belonged to.
"Party is it," said he, 81 suppose
you've got a government? Thin I'm
agin it."
An Irishman went to Bangor and
bought a horse for two dollars and a
half. When he had dragged him
home a neighbor said: "Arrah now,
Pat, why didn't We give half a dol
lar more for a good one."
It is said that the experiment. tried
at LIVERPOOL, England, of publishing
In the daily Journals a list OF all
persons arrested for intemperance,
has had the effect of largely dimin-
ishing the number of arrests.
A man whose eyssight was not
good was recommended to try glass
es. He says he went and took four
at a neighboring saloon. and the re-
suit was that his sight was so much
improved that he could see double.
"Why, Ichabod, I thought you
got married more'n q year ago.
"Well, Aunt Jerusha, it was talked
of, but I found out that the girl and
all her folks were opposed to it, so 1
Just gave 'em all the mitten, and let
the thing drop"
School-mistresses understand their
business in Wisconsin. One was re-
moved lately for catching a young
man up by the legs and jerking him
around with great force. striking the
left temple against a bench or some
other obstacle and bruising it ssverely.
MIR. Thomas Scott, President of
the Pennsylvania Central Railroad,
is also President of twenty-six other
railroads. He controls seven thou
sand miles of railroad, and credits
to his salary account $170, 900 per
annum. He began railroading as a
brakeman.
The hair in Paris this spring is
combed back and but up in the style
of Louis XV.-that is all the hair is
thrown back from the forehead.
Look at the old portraits painted
a hundred years ago in England, and
you will see this high front poke" to
perfection:
If this interteres with the House
hold Department we can't help it.
An old lady vas once giving a recipe
for baking pears, and she said the
incest way was to stick q Glove in
each pear before baking, and one
Glove would be amply sufficient to
centamin0te a whole pear.
An Indian squaw was seized by
some young fellows at Mgrshalltown,
Iowa, the other night. They took
her into the woods, split her head
open with an AZ, chopped off her
feet and twisted one arm out of the
socket. She has been repaired, and
has resumed her old position infront
of the cigar store.
4 sentimental and spooney youth
having IN a transport of ardor told
his love that hundred million years
of eternity might pass away and
still better than he loved his God
would he love her, the young lady
naively informed him-that at the
end of that hundred million years
she would probably give a to his
suit.
An elderly gentleman was travel
ing recently, while afflicted with a
very bad cough, which annoyed his
fellow passengers greatly. Finally
one of them remarked, IN a tone of
displeasure: "Sir, that's a bad
cough you've got" "True, sir" re-
piled the old gentleman, "but you
will please excuse me, it's the best
I've got"
The following neat reply was made
to a school board examiner, who
asked-:sghat is the difference be-
tween a cannIbal and a Christian?"
A boy OF ten, noted for his good ap-
petite and the consequent love of
fun which always accompanies it,
said, with a grin. "Why, master,
I'll tell yer; tone enjoys hissslf, and
fother enjoys other people"
At the funeral of the Duke of
Wellington, a little child was stand
ing with her mother at Lord Ash
burton's window to see the funeral
go by. She made no remark until
the Dukes horse was led by, the
saddle empty and the boots reversed
in the stirrups, when she looked up
in her mothers face, and said;-
Mamma, when we die will there be
nothing left of US but our boots?
Sir William B., being at a parish
meeting. made some proposals which
were objected to by afarmer. High
ly enraged, he said to the farmer:
"Sir, do you know that I have been
at two universities, and at two col
leges at each university" "Well,
sir" said the farmer, "what of that?
I had a calf that sucked two COWS,
and the observation I made was that
the more he sucked the greater calf
he grew"
The announcement is made that
fTennie G.. Claiin. who asnired to