The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1872-08-17

often thought thats course Of lectures
on Mythology would be q good thing
1t would show what q lot Of jolly old
primps the ancient Greeks were. Take
their idea Of Jupiter, for instance.
He was the gsyest old chicken Of all
the gods in the Olympiao coop. he
used to rip and rear and cavort round
nights, and as mark Of respect he was
elected a perpetual mayor. This was
his first beastial transmogrifcation. He
married woman's rights strong mind
ed lady, named Juno, who used to hen
neck the old fellow aud make things
lively for him when he had been ou'
late at night betting his thousands or
nary pair" , ...r
Jupiter is always represented with
bunch o. double-header torpedoes in
one hand and an Indian pipe in the
other. Great eclst attached to him, az
the American eagle always attended
him with the Declaration in one ella"
and the star-spangled banner in the
other claw. He carried about with him
two urns, one marked good" and the
other "evil," from which be distributed
L
gifts to his faithful followers according
as they earned them.
He was the first polygamist of whom
we have any knowledge, and was the
original founder of Mormonism. Al
though he was much afraid of Juno,
that did not deter him from paying
attention to other ladies. either in Olym'
nus or elsewhere. Great men some
times have their weaknesses, and this
was a strong weakness with Jupiter
He often pursued happiness under diff
entities and as Juno was very watchful,
she often parted his celestial back hair
with a poker, or flat iron, or any other
trifle that came handiest.
jupiter was 80 fascinating in bic
Olympian form that he took pity upon
the ladies whom he visited, and went in
disguise and dazzled them in home
opathic doses. One lady named Semele
who was an allopathist, wanted him to
come to her in all his Olympian war
paint, Just as he appeared at nome to
Juno. Jupiter tried to dissuade her!
but it was of no use, and as he had
sworn by the Styx to do whatever she
asked, had to appear before her sur
round ed by all his Olympian thunder
and lightning. Semele stood the 'hun-
der first-rate, but, Il fetsh s..::S. so
was not salamanuer safe against
lightning, and go she was burnt to a
cinder, from which all young ladies
should take warning not to require their
sweethearts to wear all their good clothes
or to put on too much style when
they come counting, or they may be a
similar fate 10 Semele's. 1t shows
also that it is safer to bite necks over
the front gate in the shimmering sheen
of the moons pale beams than to
prance around in thunder, lightning
and rain without an umbrella.
Leds was another one OF Jupiter s
brevet wives. He paid his addresses
to her in the shape of a swami, which
gave rise TO the form Of oath, very pop
ular in those days, 81 swami" This
must have been rather an awkward
shape in which TO make love, because
when bill is presented for kiss, it is
generally presented by the young lady
in the shape of bill for damages fol
breach of promise of marriage. But
then, Jupiter, you know, was peculiar
and never did anything like any other
man. The issue Of this marriage was
three or four little boys and girls, and
they were all Matched out Of eggs, and
they all had large strawberry marks on
their left arms, which, as you are
aware, proved them to be Of noble
blood. All the first families Of Vir,
GINA have strawberry marks on tEeil
arms, which proves the antiquity o.
their families, and shows that 6. Wash
ington inherited his Ratchet.
The most interesting Of Jupiter
love scrapes, however, was with young
lady named Europa. She was corn
shocking when he first saw her, and be
took i, into his head to make love "a
her in the shape of a nilk.white bull
Our dear little friends, you will think
this a queer idea of Jupiter, particularly
as young ladies are generally AFRAID o.
bulls. Well, when Jupiter as the bull
came cavorting around Europa, she
called out "Shoo fly, don't bother me,
and set the dog at him because she
thought he was mad bull, which was
all very natural. She had on a fash
ionable gored dress and didn't want
any more goring in hers. But after 9
while she suffered Jupiter, who o.
course had gotten himself up as bull
regardless OF expense and Of be choicest
Durham style Of architecture, to
come near her. She patted him
on the horns and gave him some
dough nuts and chocolate drops, and
finally when be lay down near her
she sat upon his back, and this was just
exactly what Jupiter wanted. He rose
slowly and walked around with her
while the band played, and then went
into the Mediterranean and swan over
TO the Island OF Crete, where he left of
being a bull, and they were married
and lived happily, until it was time tc
20 home to have his hair curled by
Juno. Aud the dog went to live with
butcher.
This is all we have to tell you about
Jupiter just now. He was a selt-madt
man, and was much respected anc
greatly admired by large aid infuen'
tlal circle of ladies-iucluding his wife