The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1872-04-20
Pepper, Salt and Spice,

copia0 citi.ens met IN mortal combat. Ihere
were two principals, two bottle holders and
referee The cause of this most sanguinary,
this dark and bloody engagement, wE kinky
headed female of the African persuasion. This
ebony-hued angel is possessor of the very kink.
lest OF hair the --LATEST of noses, and the darkest
features. Her teeth are extremely wide and ir-
regular; her ankle is set in the middle of her
foot, thus making her heel like that Of jay
bird, only larger,-in fact, larger than the com.
bined heels of 1872 jay birds, or tlereabouts.
Her lower lip resembles the tail board Of
butchers ca-t. These two men had been capt..
waited by the delicious loyeliness of this bewitch-
ing gir-rul Hence they dUy,-d. Three rounds
were fought with desperate courage, when ole
Of the parties, having received fracture on his
left eye, wept aloud md wanted to 20 home and
see his mother. Thcreupon the referee threw
up the sponge brlckbat, and the feariully
dark proceedings ended and now, to make the
finale more romantic, the female, who was the
innocent cause of all this ruction, has elOped
with the referee 80. They tell story on prom.
inent citizen here who has lately discovered that
shovel fish, instead Of being classed among the
tough and unpalatable Of the fnny tribe, are
really, when properly cooked, very good eating
but he finds the popular prejudice such that he
dare not be seen carrying them home. Hence
it is that he goes to the fish market gets his
long billed Fish, and, lodging around the cor.
ner, creeps home through the alleys. IA msn
at Seneca few months ago got married, and in
due time became a happy f'.her. He bought
for the infant cradle, but {, little inf.nt did
not long need IT, When II became necessary
for the man to buy coffin, like An economical
soul, he was. he shouldersd the cradle, went
to the same store where he bought il and want.
cd the merchant to exchange the cradle for q
coffin. Somehow the trade wasn't made It IA
said that Rismark and Phil Sheridan. of Seneca
have gone into partnership in raising new
kind OF stook-viz: Pru,sisn.Irish, or Irish.
Prussians 80. Peter Meyer has been GU. fishing
for the last week, but the fish hide from him.
and all his seductive wiles are wholly witbou.
avail. Possibly the fsh have not heard that he
is no longer city marshal Somewhere along
Illinois Avenue, in this city, there is family
in which are two little children. The boy is Q
precooious chap '' of the period" whose natural
best hold is all manner OF mischief, with de.
cided turn towards originality in speech and
actions. His sister is delicate, nervous, sen.
sitive little hypochondriac. She has fits of the
most gloomy aPprehensioFs of death. At such
times she sbandons whatever occupation .he
may be engaged i'll and goes crying to her
mother. One day lately these children were
playing in the garden, when the little girl broke
out III her respondent grief about her coming
death, and went into The house. Iourg master
Johauy followed Der md foand her in tear.
Strengthening himself up and striking An atti.
,ude, he relieved bis mind in the following ora.
ton: oh. thunder, You little fool you-
s'posen YOU did die, Why you'd 20 up to heaven
and get rcgu4in,cd with Jesus and the angels
and you'd not care d darn whether you ever got
back or not" And then he marched out like a
second Solomon and resumed his occupation of
maxim; mud rie~ A number OF respectable"
gentlemen find great attraction in an old house
not a thousand rods east OF Fox river Why is
this thus ?-ReyUJ'inH. l, i. a couundrum We
cannot answer. Ii tie editor Of the RepuJlican
knows how il is himself let him answer il,
....Hess, the tobaeconist is desperately liberal
IN fact, recklessly with u. We met him yes.
terday snd ne gravey informed Us that he was
about TO kill hog, and if We would come over
he would sell u The tail Tor 3 cents and throw
IN enough bristles 10 make us nice tooth brush
We shant come -. Perhaps you know Murphy.
Murphy has furniture store. He has among
numerous other pictnres an owl-s wise old
customer, and such "a picture as we thought
would be proper to hang in Beemus' sanctum.
We said 50 to Murphy. Murphy scratched the
south east quarter of the north west quarter
section Of his left ear, and then pointing to a
ikenols of a donkey, supposed to be eating that
highly nutritious vegetable known as "thstles, "
observed with smile that was child.like and
bland" say, Beemus, wouldn't Mat one be more
binding" We left there :. :. The Republican has
given the new street commissioner u puff. "
That ends the commissioner. The "puff" was
SO strong that it sent him up to the sky, and We
presume he is now repairing streets among the
stars. Good bye, commissioner!
SIDEwALKs.-Now is the tin. to renew old,
broken sidewalks, and as the new ordinance
passed by the council, requiring the street oom.
missioner to tear up all the defec i've walks, ne
ones must be put down. Sto. is hut triAe
more expensive than wood, and when once prop.
erly put down will last for life time, while a
wooden walk wears out quickly-in from three
to five wears, Go "a Louis Gayel and oct his