Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1872-08-16


small black eyes, and l thought he had
gone to sleep, but he startled me suddenly
by grasping my arm and asking me If
was fond of stories.
"Yes, Mr.. Wandle. Have you got one
10 tellP"
"Have got n story TO tell2 Well you
better believe I have, and am going 10
tell it to you, whether you listen or not.
Fact is, I've got TO tell my story or bust,
Mr.. Robinson Dobson; that's just what's
the matter with me-"
''Tu all attention, my dear sir" repli-
ed, "and really, 1 must confess, I'm very
anxious to hear your story"
"Well, you shall hear IL. I'll take off
my hat TO keep my brain cool, for the fact
is, Mr.. Robinson Dobson, when get TO
thiDkins and when l remember what /
was.hnU then consider what I am, sir,
feel as IL should go mad. Sometimes I
think am mad. What do you think about
it?"
"Wby," said I, smiling at the odd ques-
ton of my thin friend, "when I saw you
trying to throw yourself out of the win
dow, did think that your mind was ra-
ther unsound."
"Of course you did. What else could
you tbink2 Why, l don't believe am
perfectly sane, do your"
81 can tell better after 1 hear your story,
perhaps"
"Well, perhaps so. I'll tell it, and then,
if you think I've been through with enough
TO make man insane, why, when we get
to Worcester, you just chuck me into the
asylum. I'll be out of the way of my wife
then, anyway"
"To begin, then, ten years ago was a
happy man. I was bachelor of thirty,
and had just come into possession of con-
siderable property by the death of my f-
ther. As he was my only father, and was
his only child, Of course it all fell to me,
and it was a very pretty plum, l assure
you.
AT that time / resided in Boston, board
ing with Mrs. Joseph Hickorydckery. She
was widow, and about my own age. She
was large woman, a very large woman,
Mr.. Dobson, and I'm very small man,
and quite thin, too. You notice my thin
ness2 Yes. Everybody does.
"BIt TO return to Mrs. Hickorydickery.
Besides being very extensive in her pro-
port ions, she had red hair. Now, my dear
sir, you may like red hair. Your wife may
have red hair, and your children and all
your relations, nd You may think II is the
most beautiful color in the world for hair,
but dye my eyebrows If do!
aside from her hair, Mrs. Hickorydick-
ery was a yery fine looking woman, and
told her so. She didn't thank me for tell
ing her, of course. Her sex is never thank
full. no matter what YOU do for ,em. You
NAV not think so. Mr.. Dobson. but l can't
help that. I've seen something OF women.
and 1 know 'em just like book.
Nov I'm not naturally a marrying
man. The simple fact that remained
bachelor until / was thirty years of age,
without ever having made love to a wo-
man, proves that. think. And l might
have remained a bachelor until this day, if
il hadn' been for that property that nv fa-
ther left me. Pm not handsome. You
smile as if you doubted my word but I'll
leave it to any woman with a we'll balanced
head. If I am not about the poorest speci.
men of humanity I ever saw. | am not
talented. I have not a single talent for
ANYTHING. As Professor Bumpheeler said
when he examined my head:
u.,, yyo,aio, .o;d ho ,o,, o.,.ol 49,,
10 ,iye you . chart bnt vou don't naed ono
yoprs is n verv serious case bocontinued
.ond 7 fool almost inclined IN doubt tha
c,cts lint nbrepoloov never lies Tho
foot damnboolr And tbe nbronoIogical
gentleman was right Mr.. Dobson. told
him 60. and gave him n dollar for his hon.
esiv.
.No sir with these facts bororo vou cir
vou naturally ask wbv sbould anv woman
want to marry me WHY for NV nancy
of course. They never thought of throw.
inc sweet plances Mt me mill became n
man of wealth. Then. sir. when IL became
known that I counted NV money by tbous.
ands. overv unmarried female at Mrs
Hickorvdickerv,s swent for me, Miss
I,ute-she was aaxen-baired creature
with blue ewes and milk-an waterv COM
nIexion-used 70 nlav for me every night
in the parlor; and she banged that poor
piano until there was no more music left
in If than there is in dry sink. Miss Bate
sbo was also n blonde. and
.,., s.., ,or .,..
steals through the envious curtain Of a cloud
sang for me. Yes, she sang until she was
so hoarse that she couldn't speak above n
wb;ener Misc Knott road nootry 10 n,o
Read II until she had exhausted every ma.
tive poet. and then. instead of commencing
on tho Englisb had, sbo birod a ,o,yos,,a'
per fellow 10 write sonnets to NV ovos m =
nose and NV boautv oeper,llv. and She
nuhlisbod those sonnets undor hor own
name and thon road ,hom 70 mo
m,I,s. no,, danood ,,,;,,, mo- voa ,,o
,,o,,.oa o,,1 ,.o r.a,,noa mn,,, o,o a,,a',,n,
,ho swoo, oroa,rro sIInnod ont or nv orms
en- ,a - 49,, ,alr MI a,,a 49,,
'N''' "''N' 'Ns 'Ne' 1900 1'N '''1 '