The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1872-02-09
4 Green One Oh his Travels.
BIZ MARK TWAIN.

Col JIM had seen somewhat Of the
world, and knew more or less of its
ways; but Col JacE; was from the back
settlements of the State, had led a life of
arduOus toll, and had ne yer seen a city.
These two, blessed With sudden wealth,
projected a visit to New York. Col. Jack
to see the sights, and Col. Jim to guard
his unsophistication from misfortune
They reached San Francisco in the
night, and sailed in the morning. Ar
rived in New York, Col. Jack said;
~ have heard tell Of carriages all my
life, and now l mean to have a ride in
one; l don't care what it costs. Come
along"
They stepped out on the sidewalk,
and Col. Jim called stylish barouche.
But Col. Jack said:
mo, sir None of your cheap John
turn outs for me. I'm here to have a
good time, and money amt any object.
| mean to have the nobbiest rig that's
going. Now here comes the very trick.
Stop that yaller one with pictures Oh
it-don't you fret-I'll stand all the
expenses myself"
SO Col. Jim stopped an empty omni-
bus, and they got in. Said Col. jack
"Ain't it gay though? Oh, no, recl.
on not ! Cushions, and windows, and
pictures, till you can't rest. What
would the boys say if they could see us
cutting swell like this in New York
By George Il wish they could see us"
Then he put his head out of the win
| dow, and shouted to the driver:
"Say, Johnny, this suits me !-suitS
yours truly, you bet you! 1 want this
shebang all day. I'm on it old man
Let 'em out! Make 'em go! Wei
make it all right with you, sonny !"
The driver passed his hand through
the strap hole, and tapped for his fare
It was before the gongs came into com
mon use. Col. Jack took the hand, ant
shook it cordially. He said:
"You twig me old pard All right be
tween gents. Smell of that, and see how
you likeit ~
And he put twenty-dollar gold piec,
in the drivers hand. After a momen
the driver said he could not max,
change.
"Bother the change! Ride it out. Pu
it in your pocket"
Then to Col. Jim with sounding oil
his thigh:
saint it stile though? Hanged if
don't hire this thing every day for
week."
The omnibus stopped, and youn!
lady got in. Col. Jack started for {
moment then nudged Col. Jim will
his elbow:
Don't say a word" he whispered
"Let her ride, ifshe wants to. Gracious
theirs room enough"
The young lady got out her port
monaie, and handed her fare to Col
Jack.
"What's this for ?" said he.
"Give it to the driver, please.
"Take back your money, madam. w
can't allow it. You're welcome to rid
here as long as you please, but this she
bangs chartered, and we can't let yO
pay cent"
The girl shrunk into corner bewi
dered. An old lady with basket il
and profIered her fare.
"Excuse me, said Col, Jack. "You'I
perfectly welcome here, madam, bu
we can't allow you to pay. Set righ
down there mum, and don't you be
the least uneasy, Make yourselfjust {
free as ifyou was in your own turn out.
Within two minutes, three gentle ma
two fat woman, and couple of chi
dren, entered.
"Come right along, friends" sal
Col. Jack; don't mind US. This is frC
blowout Then he whispered to Co
Jim, "New York amt no sociab
place, l don't reckon--it amt no nan
for it.!.
He resisted every effort TO pass far
to the driver, and made every OF
cordially welcome. The situation dawl
ed upon the people, and they proketC
their money, and delivered themselv
up to covert enjoyment of the episod
Half dozen more passengers entere
"Oh, there's plenty of room," sa
= Col. Jack. "Walk right in, and NAL
=, yourselves at home. A blowout aiI
worth anything as blow'out, unless
body has company" Then in a whisp
to Col jim: "But amt these Ne
Workers friendly? And amt they &C
= about it too? Icebergs amt anywhel
$ l reckon they'd tackle hearse, if
- was going their way"