The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1872-07-05


But mind. III comes i ior "a SssSs. na'an.
esn:s for that !d! tins "a no ii.;
Jusht give me yer nams and addriss..
~ Varieties. = saig4.,s
A NICE business-P Polar expeditions.
DIVERS amusement-Pearl 6shing.,,
JOSH BILLINGS says )" When you strike
lie, stop borin' msnny man haz bored
clean thru and let. it run out at the
bottom" $3.50
A LAWYER in st. Louis attempted TO
try case the other day when he was
half drunk, but the judge stopped him,
saying, No lawyer can serve two bars
at the same time"
A BORE meeting Douglas Jerrold, said,
"Well, whats going on today r. II
am" exclaimed Jerrold, darting past
the inquirer.
Why was Pharaoh's daughter like
successful stock-broker in q money
panic because she got little prophet
from the rushes on the banks.
"WlrE,n said man, looking for his
boot:jack, have places where keep
my things, and you ought to know it."
"Yes, ought to know where you keep
your late hours-but don't
MRs. KERNEY, of New York, showed
the warmth of her affection by thrust
ing red-hot poker down her husbands
throat.
| A CANADA editor says he has-a keen
rapier to prick all fools and knaves."
His friends, if they are prudent, will
take it from him. He mighc commit
suicide. - ~.
They tell of sharp Yankee down on
! Cape Cod, who, being told by the pest
master that his letter weighed triae
over . half ounce, and therefore required
another stamp, with his pAn.krife cut
reduced its weight to+siae, ,estsmp
standard. ls: .ssts5l s-,,.f
81 CANE for the saw, SIR" "What
saucer7" "Why, the saw, sir, that you
borrowed" al borrowed no saucer"
"Sure you did, sir you borrowed .
saw, sir" "I never saw your saucer"
But you did there's the saw now,
SIR" "Oh, you want the sawi why
didn't you say so?"
ONE of the incidents not mentioned
by the San Francisco press on the I'D,
took place at the corner of Montgomery
and Market streets. As the Masonic
Order were filing past, a little girl called
the attention of her mother to them Dy
exclaiming, " Oh, mother, see how many
walters there are IL the parade ?'sl
"WHAr do you think is the best thing
| in oil here ~ said Mahlstick to friend
as they met st the lunch table after
inspecting "a private collection OF paint
ings belong to gentleman OF New
York" Best thing in oil why the
sardines," said the INTERCEPTED, as he
made fresh attack on the edibles.
AT a recent examination Of one OF the
schools in Washington, the question
was put to class of small boys: :" Why
! is the Connecticut river SO called :"
when bright little fellow held up his
hand. "Doyou know, James ?'s =" Yes,
! ma'am; because il connects Vermont
and New Hampshire, and cuts through
| Massachusetts was the triumphant
reply.
The st. Louis Republican knows Of
| poet who wishes TO engage in the obitu-
ary business because he thinks he can
excel. Judging from his effort We be.
lieve he is right. Here is . specimen OF
what he can do: SHaa
Here lies the body of Matthew POM.
| when did he die7 Of whsti can't tellf
| He died on Wednesday Of wen;
| Then ask no more; be wore is we'll
Here lie. the corpse el s, P..isses Dos.
| She always smiIed-yet wished to 60;
1t did no good to lance her.
TIE Bay City Journal says: That
small, red-headed boy who 80 kindly
came in front of our Office, and seated
himself on the railing, and tipped him.
self over into the basement, creating .
momentary fright among the passers-by,
has "ye local's'' sincere thanks. While
men, women, and children were anx-
iously looking TO see how badly he was
injured, he came up stairs, leaned over,
and looking down, remarked 81" Ill do
it again for five cents" sss.
PRor. MUNsoN, N. D., respectable
physician in New Haven, was riding
one day upon q cream-colored horse,
followed BY Judge Edwards, whose rep
utation in the department of the COM
mon virtues was not good. The gentle
men were intimate acqaaiutances, and
were capable of perpetrating and enjoy
ing good joke. The Judge quickened
the movement Of his horse, and, as he
approached DR.. NJ, repeated . part ol
the eighth verse Of the sixth chapter Of
Revelation, thus: "And 1 looked, and
J behold a pale horse; and his name that
sat ON him was Death"
The Doctor. turning TO the Judge, re
, peated the remainder of the sentence
thus: "And He'll followed with him.
DIPLoxAcY.-President Buchanan re
marked in one of his n,essages, thai
"ever since the origin Of our Govern
ment, We had bssa employed in nego
tiating treaties with Great Britain, ant
afterwards in discussing their true in
tent and meaing." We have not gon,
out Of that business yet "a n.3
. Miss LofriE RAr, q colored graduate
!" of the Howard University Lsw School
. Was last week admitted to the bar .
!" the Supreme Court Of the District o
|