St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1872-04-05
After Dinner Reading.

A KEEN REToRT.-A onelegged
Yankee orator. named Jones, was pref
ty successful in. bantering an lrishman,
when the latter asked him, ''How dld
YOU come to lose your leg y
'Well, said Jones, Ion examining
my pedigree. and looking up my de-
scent, found there was some lrisn
blood in me, and becoming convinced
that it was settled III that LEFT leg, l
had it cut of at once
"By the powers" said Pat, 1T would
have been IL deuced good thing fit had
only settled in your head"
THE RULES OF TIE llorsE.-At "a
very excellent hotel, not hundred
miles from our parts. they were one
day short of Il waiter, when Il newly
arrived Hiberrian was hastily engaged
to supply the place of more expert
hand.
Nov, Barney" said mine host,
'mind Nou serve every man with soup
the first thing serve the soup first"
''Bedad, I'll do that same" said the
alert Barney.
helping all but one guest, came to the
last one.
"Soup, sir ?" said Barney.
''NO soup for me. said the man.
''But YOU must have it, said Barney,
''it is the rules of the house"
Hang the rules of the house :" cx-
claimed the guest, ''when | don't want
soup, ! wont eat it,"
"Well," said Barney, with all due
solemnity, AL | can say is this-it's
the rules of the house, and not Il drop
else will We get till yes have finished
the soup"
The traveller gave in, and the soup
was gobbled.
CAMP MEETING INCIDENT.-Our read
ers may remember the story of the
escaping" of the signal horn. The story
runs that when IL certain revivalist ce-
lebrty took up the horn to summon the
wOrshippers to service, after dinner,
one day, he blew Il strong blast of soft
soap all over the astonished brethren.
1t is also said 10y the chronicler of this
item that the brother was so wroth at
this joke that he cried out, aloud:
''Brethren, | have passed through
many trials and tribulations, but moth
ing like this. have served in the min
lstry for thirty Years, and III that time
never uttered protanc word; but I'll
he cussed if can't whip the man that
soaped that horn ~
Well, this is Il strong story but we
have from IL reliable authority some
thing ii little stronger III the sequel to
the same story. This is given to us as
follows:
Some two days after the horn soaping
tall, swaIthy, villainoIs- looking DIES
peradO strolled on the grounds, and lis
tened to the eloquent cXhoItation to re-
pent which was made 10y the preacher
After IA while he became interested,
finally affected, and then took ii posi-
ton on the anxious seat, and commence
ed groaning lin the very bitterness of
his sorrow.' The clergyman walked
down to console him. No consolation
he was too great Il sinner, he said
Oh, no; there WAS pardon for the vilest
No; he was too wicked there WAS no
mercy for him.
"Why, what crime have YOU commit
ted I" said the preacher; have YOU
stolen 7"
"Oh wolSc than that :"
"What have You by violence rob
bed female innocence of its Virtue ~
Worse than that - groaned the
smittcn sinner.
The excited preacher commenced
'peeling of" his outer garments.
''Herr, Brother Cole - shouted he,
''h"ld my coat I've found the fellow
that sOaped that horn ~
- Our friend Redington Stcson, of
the Astor House occasionally visits Read
ing, Pa, with his family, including ii
little scven-year-u Eddie Along the
route the conductor calls out in success
sion the prominent stations OF Easton,
Bethlehem and Allentown. Last Sun
day, while teaching Eddie his Scripture
lesson, Mrs. :. asked him where Jesus
was born. His prompt reply was. lin
Allentown" On being corrected, he
answered, "Well, | knew it WAS some
where on the railroad to Reading
Hearth d. Home.
- Ina littlevillagei in New Hampshire
there lived Il family named Ransom.
They were not pious peOple-rather on
the reprobate order, III tact-and they
never went to church. Once, however,
during revival, the family were pre-
vailed upon to attend preaching. When
they made their reluctant and tardv
appearance the services had begun, and
they had scarcely taken their seats
when the preacher gave out the first
hy mn, reading it somewhat thus: Re
turn, We ransom sinners, home" .'All
right ~ cried the head of the Ransoms.
getting up i'll IL rage and clapping his
hat on his head. Come along. ole wo-
man and gals, We'll go home fast
enough, and every body in this ole
church knows We didn't want to come"
4V There was once Il shoemaker, who.
to impress upon his customers his hon
esty, inscribed upon his sign the Latin
sentence "Mens sibi conscia recti'' "a
mind conscious of right. An envious
neighbor i'll the same trade, who was
not as learned as the first, wishing to
outshlne his competitor, had placed on
his sign, MEMS and womens sibi con-
scia recti.n
EV The quickest ever did see frl-
lers travel, Was down i'll South Can lima"
said old Corporal jeff "Ther was a
lot o Sherman'S bummers III IA barn. all
busy dividin' pile % forage, when |
seed company o johnny Rebs ridin'