The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1872-12-06
PLAIN DEALER,

n young man who went West few
months ago, has sent one letter home.
1t came Friday. | said--"send me
a wig. And his fond parents don't
know whether he is sclapcd or mar
ricd.
One of the saddest sights in this sea-
son of the year is young man who has
waited outside the church of an even
ingtill he is chilled through, only to see
his girl walk off with some rascal who
has been inside all the time, toasting
his sinful shins at the stove.
James Memory has died in North
Carolina. His name will never be
Forgotten
1t is suggested by a western paper
that Sergeant Bates, instead of carry.
ing the flag of the free through various
foreign lands, would be more proGtably
employed in the alternate propulsion
and attraction of a common metallic
implement with serrated edges, used
for the separation of specimens of the
highest development of vegetable
growth into convenient lengths for
culinary combustion, commonly called
a wood-saw.
"Blood will tell" That's what
seems to be the matter with Challis,
of New York, and his little gallantries.
BLOOD" told.
A Physician, on presenting his bill
to the executor of the estate Of a de-
ceased patient, asked: "Do you wish
to have my bill sworn TOT" .'No,' re-
piled the executor; I" the death of the
decedent is sufficient evidence that
you attended him professionally"
The people of Zumbrota are agi-
tating the question of voting $40,
600 bonus in aid of the Davenport
& St. Paul Railway.
Man and wife are generally called
one. Some people, though, reckon
them two. But ten is the proper
calculation Of some couplcs-the wife
one and the husband cipher.
DR. Hall tells the story of man
who sung most piouly the hymn;
Were the whole realm OF nature mine.
That were pres mt FIR too SMALL
and all through the singing was
fumbling in his pockets to make sure
ofthe smallest piece of silver for the
contribution box.
"Old Probabilities is said to be only
30 years old, is happily married, and
has one of the finest homes in Wash
lngton.
"What are you digging there for?"
asked a loiterer of three -men who
were digging trench in the street,
"Money zur," the answer came. The
man watched the operation until the
joke got through the roots of his hair,
and then moved on.
A merchant who was noted for his
suffering, as well as for his shrewd-
II ess in making bargain, stopped at
q grocery and inquired; "IIow m-maDy
t-t-t-turk!ys have you g-g-got!' flight.
SIR" replied the grocer, "T-t-toggh
or t-t-tendcr!" 'Somc are tender and
some are tough" was the reply. Il
k-k-keep b. b-boarders,' said the new
customer. ''P-pick cut the flour
t-t-toughest turkeys, if you please "
The delighted grocer very willingly
complied with the unusual request, ana
said, in his politest tones: "These are
the tough ones, sir" Upon which the
merchant coolly put his hand upon the
remaining four and exclaimed; III
take th-th- these!'
An indianapolis swain returned his
marriage license with mot consumm-
ated' written on the back of it and APP
peared quite crestfallen when the clerk
declined to refund the money paid fol
the document.
The Danbury (Ct.) News says that
a young lad of that place recently re
ceived a dollar for learning eight hum
lred verses in the Bible and bought
with the dollar a handsome deck Of
inen-back cards.
\ prominent citizen went home a
ew nights since at late hour, and
gently tapped on the door. "Who is
t!'' inquired the better half. 70
which very proper inquiry tie heart
ess husband replied by asking, Whom
10 you expect at this hour of the
light:"
1t costs as much to launch a won !
n the sea Of welded life as it does
% fit out small schooner.
TUE REV. ROBERT CoLLYER re-
pectfully wishes that .'all wh;skey
hops were down in hell, chained up in
he bottomless pit for a thousand years