Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1872-04-25

Safe IN ny heart thy jevel Me-,
Relic md type-ny sum Of bin.
Near th6e o. far, I keep1y petD,
Thy dfst-psechonoe Thy only ki0!
-0slasy.
Wit and HuDsr.
II there il IN exasperating object ON
the earth it is q fat, easy, "sweet tenn
pered man, who is too stupid to go
into passion and is proud of it.
The fashion of throwing An old slip
per after the carriage of . newly mar
ried couple is supposed to mean that
the chances of matrimony arc very
slippery.
THEODORE TnToN, of the Golden
Age, exelaims: "Save me from q God
who damsl We should like to do it,
my boy, but the thing 10 imposib1a-
Courier Journal.
A oKNTLRlAN having written Q letter,
concluded it - follows: "0ive every
body's love to everybody, 20 that no
body may feel aggrieved by anybody
being forgotten BY somebody"
A MAIDEN lady Who lad once been
tilted, wrote her own epitaph - fol-
lows:
''Hsfe hss ths body a ono
Who died Of coostsncy alone;
Stranger! sdvanoe With steps couzagsoos !:
For the disease h not oo0tlgious!"
"ANoE1lxA. my angel, can you tell
me why your lovely eyes are like friends
separated by distant climesi" "No,
Augustus, can't. Tell me, oh, ten me
Why they're thusa" "Beoause they
correspond, but newer meet"
"I SAY. bub, !" said . Manchester gen-
tleman to . small boy whom he met on
the street, "can you ten me who the
head officer of this town IL Z" "Wen
you bet I can Bill Games, the barber,
il" " was the reply of the sauey cub.
The Christian Secretary quotes .
remark made by = Connecticut sheriff {:
"n any man serjously doubts the
Bible doctrine of human depfavity.
only ask that he be sheriff of this
county one year."
| A 1uNIsTER who thought that report
ing sermons was all vanity, afkervards
concluding that If the thing must be
done it should be done. slipped q
ereent ack into the reporters hand,
saying; "Do not oondeose me-"
A PAINTER being asked to estimate
the cost Of painting certain house,
drew forth . pencil and paper and made
the following calculation: "A naueht
is a naueht: three into i've twice you
can't; I'll paint your house for fifty
dollars"
A NAN out West turned ststes evi-
dence. and svore that he was . men,
Der cf . gang Of thieves. By and by
they found tho roll of actual members
and accused the man of swearing
falsely. "I was . member" said the
man, "l"-happy thought-ssI w
IN honorary member"
THEY have had . great revival at Kan
sas City. One of the reclaimed, ac-
companied blythe preacher. went to eet
q tooth pulled ut . dentists, the other
day, and, after . strong pun et the
laughing gss, rather astonished his
pious brother by shouting: s'Keno I
Sixty-9xl that's my camel"
LAST week . farmer sold . butcher in
Syracuse, . very young "veal," which
the meat inspector condemned, and it
became the property of the city. The
butcher then demanded . return of hls
money. But it didn't work, the farmer
being too shreWd for the butcher. He
refused, saying, II only sold You the
DURING the conference at Worcester;
the following dialogue WAS overheard
between two newsboys: II say, Jim.
what's the meaning Of 20 many minis.
ters being here al togethera" ts Why, :"
answered Jim, soornfully, "they H.
ways meets once . year to exchange
sermons With each other"
TINS IL 4 Germans account of his ex-
perience on shipboard in storm: 81
feels dem big wave hit der ship, I hears
dem crocke1y dishes go smash-J get
me out Of mine berth TO go wha*'s de
matter; I make myself on my head
two time; I gets in my berth pretty
quick, you bet; NO gets up till now!
What you dot How you like em, hat"
TIE Danbury News tells of lady
stranger who acoosted . little, ,shabbily-
dressed lad in that town, and said:
"Where is your home, my little son ="
IL haint got no home," =" he answered.
"0ot no home I" rho repeated, tho
tears standing in her eyes. mo
marm," said he equally effected; ~
board"
A NAN once put ON his gate . placard
bearing the legend mo admitteooa"
Two gentlemen passing by, one of them
remarked 81 cannot understand how
any one in these days Of general eduoa-
tlon could do thing like that" '+Oh!
it's all right enough, replied the other.
The man thought thaf the best Wy
to keep the people out was to put IN
evil spell upon his gate"
One who assumes to know, says that
womanly despair for the loss of lover
endures three months in the winter and
two months in the summer; the second
month lady becomes Interested i'm the
new style of hair dressing: tho third,
she burns her love lettsfaL Twelve
months afterwards, she hears of her
former loves marriage and voodess
chow she could have loved . nan With
. red moustache."
Is this which We find in the Cork
Qrish) Telegraph built Tim Field
wan uuSO ~ OO. 1O1 0St9QQ10X 20
drown himself, the magistrate believ-
ing that he had NO intention Of COM
hitting suicide" Filming . man for
attempting what the court thought he
didn't attempt, seems to be Q veIy Hi
bernian bit Of jurisprudence.
SKvERAL years ago the landlord of
the half Way Hotel, between Catslill
and the Mountain House, remained one
day to the proprietor of the last named
hostelrie, "Ain't doing much tele.
graphin, are youi" 20, yes; ;'the line
is well patronized." "Well, I didu't
think 80; I amt heard . dispatch go
mp in three or four days!"
IT is said that whenever IN applicant
for situation - brakeman appears at
the Office of the Michigan Central Rail-
road, an Official shouts up through the
speaking tube, and makes the inquiry:
"Any switchman killed latelyl l" Ithas
strange effect. The applicant sud-
denly concludes that he il not entirely
fitted for the situation, and silently rel
tires.
The Belfast (Me.) Journal Gays .
former sheriff of Waldo county, whom
We see daily in our streets a1d, ease-
where, had . wit to serve IN tho back
part ot the county. After diigent in
quiry, he found that the defendant had
died suddenly. He tossed the paper
over the wall of the cemetery, and