Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1872-06-15
BROTHER YOU MUST SQUEEZE.

Once upon time church, or rather
the officials thereof, came to the conclu-
sion that as crops had been very good,
and money was scarce in the country,
they would not make any special effort
to collect their pastors salary, which, 10y
the way, had been fixed at themmlmum
living point at the beginning of the
wear, but give him just what came in
every month, and let him make the best
Of il.
This resolution on their part was ac-
complained with the solemn advice to
then pastor: Brother youmust 'quet>';
the nmss are hari." lie replied that
he would think of it aud see how the
plan would work.
In few days he called upon his land
lord. who was member OF the Church,
and told him that he could not promise
to pay any specific rent for the house
from that time forth, but would pay
what he could, for the "times were hard
and he must squeeze" The landlord
stared at him in aStonishment, and re-
piled Il don't let my houses on those
terms. You must pay the rent in ad-
vance or move out.
lie went next to the mill ana asked
for sack of flour. Certainly, said
the miller, but do YOU know that the
price of flour has advanced since you
bought the last p Il did not know II,
said the minister. "but it is of no conse-
quence; | am to give what | can for 1t,
brother, YOU must squeeze; the times are
hard" Hard or easy, said the miller.
Il must have the market price for my
flour. and YOU can't haveit for any less.
1h. miri;ter next went to the shoe
maker, and priced pair of boots for his
wife, but when the same terms were an
nounced, the shoemaker declared that
he did not sell upon such terms.
The butcher treated him III the same
way. His meat was 50 much pound.
And the vegetable dealer insisted upon
having regular price for his commodi-
ties
On his way home the minister went
to one Of his stewards who kept gro
Gerry store, and asked for some necessary
articles for the use ofhis family, such as
dollars worth Of sugar, pound OF tea
and a bar of soap. After packing up
the the things, the storckecper began
to reckon up the price. ~ on need not
trouble yourself. said the ministers Il
will aywhat | can torthem. Brother
YOU must squeeze, as the times are hard
with me at present squeeze, said
the storekocpcr with pious surprise
what do YOU mean ! give what you
can-how much will that be 2 81 can
not say at present, said the minister,
but you shall know at the end of the
month, when see how much | shall
get That will not do for me, said the
storekeeper: Il have to pay a certain
price for my goods, and | can not let
them go in that way"
$50. said the minister, Il see that |
am the only one who is to squeeze be
cause of the hard times. | have called
upon my landlord, the miller, the shoe
maker, the butcher, the tailor and your
self, to see how your plan Of squeezing
would answer but find that you must
all have 4 stated price for your goods.
How, then, am to pay my way without
4 stated salary, and that sufficient for the
supply ofmy tamiy's wants Squeeze
continued the minister with righteous
disgust; ''your plan can only result in
squeezing the self-respect out of my
heart, the energy out of my life, aud the
demons of want and discomfort into my
household
We did not hear how the matter was
settled.-San Francisco Spectator.
CLAP TRAP AND CANT-Tnya-
lid reader, if YOU are unwise enough TO
put yourself outside Of any of the mack
fOncs guaranteed to contain mo diGu-
sive stimuLant, you will inevitably come
to grief. Ask your physician if any
liquid preparation, destitute of stimu-
lating properties, is worthy Of the name
of toEic. lie will tell You no. Shun
all such nauseous catchpennies, PLANTA-
TIoN BIrrERs, the most wholesome
inyigorant in the world, owes the rapid
ity with which it relieves the disordered
stomach and the shattered nerves TO
the dif'usiye agent which conveys its
medicinal ingredients TO the seat Of
the complaint That agent is the spirit
Of the sugar cane,' the most nutritious
and agreeable OF all the varieties Of al
cohol The medicinal ingredients Of
the Bitters, valuable as they are, would
be comparatively useless without this
distributive basis. They would feunent
and sour. Beware, as you hope for
health, Of the horrible compounds Of re
fuse drugs in a state Of fermentation
which humbugs are endeavoring to foist
upon the public as medicines.
DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical Discoy-
cry will not raise the dead, but it will
benefit and cure the living. For all
severe Coughs, Thtoat and Bronchial
diseases it has never been equalled.
\ VOICE FROM SwEDEY.--.7meTiean
Chemiders aud their Production nppre-
ciafsd by The ProfsSsors ot'he csifb'afsd