The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-10-18
sCIssoRINGs.

queues.
Clergymen land brakemen do the
most coupling.
A water privilege-Attending a
temperance picnic.
A joint affair with but single party
to it-Rheumatism.
Farmers are like fowls-Neither
will get full crops without industry.
Counter irritants - People who
examines the whole of the stock and
buy nothing.
When may your money be said to
be glad to see you? When it is mute
elated currency.
Why is mans life safest in the
last stages of dyspepsia? Because
he can't digest then.
A man who works for living
should marry a woman taller than
himself. "The laborer is worthy of
his higher"
An old farmer said of his clergy
man whose sermons lacked point:
"Ay, yes. he's good man, but he
will rake with the teeth upward.
A fellow who has actually tried it
says that, although there are three
scruples in dram, the more drains
you take the less scruples you will
have.
An Indianan asked the clerk of
Court whether he couldn't reduce the
rate if half q dozen fellows dubbed
together to take out marriage Ii
censes.
''Is there any danger of the boa
constructor biting?" asked a visitor
of geological Snowman. "Not the
least" replied the Snowman. ''He
never bites, he swallows his wittles
whole"
Ayoung Connecticut lady was lately
taken back when her swain got upon
his knees before her and read de-
claration of love which he had nicely
written off.
Mrs. Peter Charron, of Ware,
died a few days ago after twenty-six
years of married life, during which
time she had twenty-five children, all
at single births.
The Queen of Spain has suffered
so much from nervousness since the
attempted assassination of herself
and her husband that serious conse-
quences are apprehended.
In Florida young ladies "sim-
mary the thoughts of the inmates
are taken from dress, by putting the
girls in uniform-dark green for
Winter and pink for Summer.
'fThe whole thing has gone to the
bottomless pit, said gentleman of
an unfortunate speculation. f'Nev-
er mind,'' said his friend, ''it won't
be long before you'll have chance
to go after il"
A dying Irishman, asked by his
confessor if he was ready to renounce
the devil and all his works, replied:
"Don't ask me that; I'm going to a
strange country, and l don't intend
to make myself enemies
An Indignant witness exclaimed
f'The first time that 1 ever did such
a dishonorable act would blow out
my brains, Sir" Every good,
said the examining counsel, "and
what would you do the second timer
A kind lady in New York gave {
pair of pantaloons to a poor bo,
lately. The next morning the you tE
returned, and requested her to pu
watch pocket in them, as otherwise
they would not be of much use Il
him.
Josh Billings says: "We read
that Esay sold his birthrite for soup
and many wondered at his extrava
gance. But Esaw discovered early
what many man has discovered
since, that it is hard to live on
pedigree"
A youthful lover who sang aat
played at his young lady y'shouse tw'
mortal hours, Friday night, wal
electrified after short pause by
cordial "thank you" gracefully pro
nounced by the "other feller," VII,
appeared at the window.
A "weman of business" is Arkan
sas has just tarred and feathered he
husband, If a fellow is to b
'tKlukluxed," how much nicer
must be to have it done by the wifi
of his bosom, than by the cold
rough hand of a hooded strangerl
A young friend of ours, who's
opinions derive tigne of bitterness
from the beer he imbibes, says tina
although it is quite true that con
swallow does not make summer"
summer like this makes one swallo'
q good deal of liquid.