Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1872-11-14
Varieties.

EASY thing to make-mistakes.
NEVER sit down on a red-hot stove.
NEVER examine a mule from the back
ground. .G
If Bedouin should lose his teeth,
would he talk gum arabic !?
WHEN a lady faints, what figure does
she need? You must bring her 2.
Coon intentions are like fainting
ladies-all they want is carrying out
Do NOT run for Office if you would
not lose your character as gentleman.
The three stages of Darwinism are
now said to be, positive tail; compara'
tive tailor superlative, tailless
THE Danbury Nesos says that COM
mittee appointed to canvass Rhode
Island has sent for the tent of the Dam
bury Agricultural Society.
Mrs. SHoDDY puckered up her mouth
genteelly and told gentleman friend
that one of her lovely daughters was a
"bluenet," and the other a "bronze."
In Massachusetts forty per cent. of
the population are depositors in savings
banks-the aggregate being sol, ,201
out of total of only l, ,457 900 inhabi-
tants.
WHILE DIR. Mary Walker was lectur-
ing lately, a youth cried out, care you
the Mary that had a little lamb p
"No," was the reply, but your mother
had little jackass."
"MY SON." said a fond papa, who was
looking over the lesson his son had re-
cited that day, how did you manage
when your teacher asked you to spell
metempsychosis ?' ooh, father" said
the boy, just stood spell-bound I'
"I SAY, milkman, you give your cows
too much salt" Why, how do you
know how much salt L give them 2"
81 Judge from the appearance OF the
milk you have brought US lately. Salt
makes COWS dry, and then they drink
too much water-that makes the milk
thin, you know"
A GOOD little boy, whose parents en-
couraged his habit of early retiring
by permitting him to take cake to bed
with him, astonished his affectionate
mother by the following prayer:
"Now lay me down to sleep.
And If die before I wake.
Give sister Jane my piece Of cake"
Bon" Jim, de men don't make such
fools of demselves about women as de
women do about men. If dey look at
de moon dey see a man it if dey hear
a mouse nibbling. it's man and dey
all look under de bed last thing at night
to find q man. Why, nebber LOOKS
under my bed to find a woman, does
| your
"LA. MEr' sighed Mrs. Partington,
| here 1 have been suffering the -biga-
] mics of death for three mortal weeks.
First was seized with bleeding phre-
nology in the left hampshire of the
brain, which was exceeded by stop
mage of the ventilator of the heart.
| This gave me an Inflammation in the
borax. and now I'm sick with the chic
roforn murbus. There is no blessln'
| like that of health, particularly when
you're ILL"
The Danbury Nesos gives this recipe
| for catching cats, but is lame on the
best way to unite them; "a candy
making party last night set Psn OF
hot molasses into the yard to cool, and
| on going for 1T several hours later were
astonished to observe an upright cat In
the middle of it. The question Is not
SO much how the cat got there, but now
it is to be got from there. 1t any OF our
readers can suggest plan, we hope tney
will do so, as the owner of the cat is In
| hurry"
THE historian Troude is not the only
distinguished person of that name. Mr.
W. Froude, of England, a scientific in
| ventor of the highest rank, has recently
invented very complicated apparatus,
by which the height, shape and move
| ment of ocean waves can be correctly
ascertained. 1t is claimed that by this
| instrument navigators will be enabled
/ To detect. bv the motion of the waves,
and prepare for the approaching storm.