The Van Buren press., 1872-09-10
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MISCELLANY.
A Quaker Detective.

We were five passengers in all; two la
dies on the back seat, and a middle-aged
gentleman and Quaker on the middle,
and myself in the front
The two ladies might have been mother
and daughter aunt and niece, governess
and charge, or might have sustained any
other relationship which made it proper
for two ladies to travel together unat-
tended.
The middle aged gentleman was
sprightly and talkative He soon struck
up an acquaintance with the ladies', to-
wards whom in his zeal to do, he rather
overdid the wing, and
smiling and chatting over his shoulder
in way painfully suggestive at his time
of life, of "crick T" in the back lie
was evidently gay lothario.
The Quaker wore the uniform Of his
sect, and confined his speech, as many a
parlimentarian would save his credit by
doing, to simply yeas and "nays. +"
AS for myself make 1t an inyariable
rule of the road to be merely locker
on and listen.
Toward evening | was aroused from
one Of those reveries, into which young
man, without being poet or lover wili
sometimes fall, by an abrupt query from
the talkative gentleman
Are you armed, sir
Il am not, " answered, astonished,
no doubt, yisibv at the question.
81 am sorry to hear it., he replied ;
- for before reaching our next stopping
place it will be several hours In the plight
and we must pass over Il portion OF the
road on which more than one robbery is
reported to have been committed
The ladies turned pale, but the stran
ger did his best to reassure them.
Not that | think there is the slightest
danger at present, he resumed, only
when one is responsible Tor the safety OF
the ladies, you know, such thing as a
pistol in reach would add materially 10
ones confidence
Your principles, my friend, nd
dressing the Quaker, i" presume, are as
much opposed to carrying as using ear
nal weapons? 7"
tS, Nds VIC SHOhSN'
Have the Williams murdered any OF
their victims 7" the elderly lady inquired
nervously.
"Or have they contented themselves
with--with plundering them 2 added the
younger in a tlmorous voice.
Decided the latter, the amiabls gen
tleman hastened to give assurance land
we are none of US prepared to offer
resistance in case Of attack, so moth.
ing worse than robbery can possibly be-
fall US.
Then, after blaming his thoughtlossnsss
in having unnecessarily introduced dis
agreeable subject, the gentleman quite
sxcelled himself in efforts to raise the
spirits of the company, and had succeed.
ed so we'll by the time night had set in
that all had quite forgotten or only re-
membered their fears to laugh at them.
Our genial companion fairly talked
himself hoarse Porceiving which he
took from his pocket box ofnewly sin
vented cough candy" and after passing
it to the ladies, he helped himself to the
balance and tossed the paper out of the
window.
He was in the midst Of high enconi.
um on the new nostrum, more than halt
the efficacy C! ~ht!eh he insisted depend
sdd on it's being taken by suction, when a
shrill whistle was heard, and almost i'm.
mediately the coach stopped while two
faces, hideously blackened. presented
tbemselves. one nj each window.
"Sorry to trouble you, said The man
on the right, acknowledging with . bow
two lady.like screams from the back seat,
but business is business, and ours will
soon be over II things go smoothly.
"Of course, gentlemen, youwiH spare
as far as may be consistent with your
disagrecsble duty, the feelings Or these
ladies, 4" appealed the polite passenger in
his blandest manner.
"Oh, certainly they shall be first at
tended to and shall not be required to
leave their places. unless their conduct
renders it necessary.
"And now, ladies'" continued the
robber, the barrel OF his pistol glittering
in the light Of the coach lamp, be 80
good as to pass your purses, watches, and
such other trinksts as may be accessible
without too much trouble. y
The ladies came down handsomely ,and
we're no further molssted.
One by one the rest got out. The
middle aged gentlsman's turn cane first
He submitted with a winning grace, and
was robbed like Chesterfield.
NV own affairs, like the sum l lost. are
scarcely worth mentioning. :.
The Quaker's turn came next ne
quietly handed over his pocket book and
watch, and when asked II he had any
other valuables, said " Nay.
A Quaker's word is good, even lmong
thieves; so, after hasty good night.