Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1872-02-22


Gently. yet firmly did Artemus boost
the reluctant professor upon the chair.
protesting that no apologies were necessa-
~ for his appearance. and assuring him
that 'eiothes don't make the man" al
tho~eh the sbivering disciple Of Demos
themes and Cicero probably thought clothes
would make man more comfortable on
such night rs that. .-...-
He gave US ssCasabianca, with q good
many qnavers Of the voice. rs he stood
quaking in single short. white garment;
and then followed: Linden when the
sun was low" "Sword of Bunker Hill.r
etc: by particular request of our friend. .
as Artemus Ward said. although I wa.
too nesrly sufccnted with suppressed
laughter 70 make even q last dying request
had il been neces2ry: i vas too lsrdi
espss % depics--zsase professor, an indis.
tinct white object. standing on the chair,
"elocuting" as Ward had IL. and we sit
ting on the fonr. holding our sides. while
A. W. would family whisper between hi.
pangs Of mirth. Just hear him"
1t wasn't in Wards heart to have hi,
fun at the expense Of another. without re-
compense so. nexeHay. remember. he
Published lengthy and entirely serious
account "f cur visit to the professor
"roo,ns," spoke Of his wonderful power:
as.an clocutionist. and expressed: the sat-
;sfaction and delight with which VIC lis.
tened To his "unegualled recitations. -
The professor was overjoye9. and proba.
bly, is ignorant To this day that Artemu.
was playing it on him"
never knew a man whose sense ofthe
ludicrous was SO keen as his, and he would
go any length to crafty it. loncc came
upon him n, a little country inn near Clevr.
land. having frolic with some old farm
ers he had fallen in with Ward was
mounted on the back of white haired old
mare of seventy at least. and was riding a
circus act around the bar-room The way
he made that venerable mare walk. trot,
run. 90 lame. waltz. and dance the polka,
was too funny.
His jokes were not Away well taken
We.were coming into the city one day
from drive. and came upon some men
engaged in tvirg up a raft on the Cuya-
hoga river 1t was a hot dav. aud they
were pcrspiring profusely. Artcmus stop
ped his horse. and asked them very grave
" why they didn't 20 and steal for tiv-
inr, instead Of toiling and sweating in
that way. The result was he had to lasl,
his horse into a run. in order to get away
from the shower of stones they hurled o,
US.
His, Artcmus Ward letters. which be
wrote for the Pldindealer, made his rep.
utation. and were the best things he eve,
produced. for the reason that they were
con. posed as the spirit moved him, aud moi
written Ito order" His column Of CITY
Items" sparkled with witty paragraphs
1t was Difficult, for him to write up tho
most commonplace item. of news without
some witty eonccit creeping in. Iremem.
bcr him paragraphing an accident to ,
Cleveland lawyer as follows: Our old
friend Bruce met with an accident thi:
morning. His horse took fright and ran
away, and in jumping from the tueg;
Mr.. b. suffered sprained ankle Bruce
little thought, when he defended Cole
the A>h,abula wife poisoncr, that. in les.
than four years from that time. he would
Jump out of his buggy and spraiu his an.
kle. Such is life"
once asked Brown Che didn't spell hi,
name with a in those days) what sug.
custed his nom de plume of Ar'cmus Ward
Tie said when he was q reporter on tht
Toledo Commercial. he reported the tria
Of one Ward. il that city. for murder
/ The parties to the trial were all queer
ignorant set. and he says that there were
so many ludicrous aud gro,esaue feature.
to the trial that the name of Ward becam,
indissolubly associated in his mind with
the outlandish and comical He AWAY.
considered the name Artemus n funny one
so he nntcd the two. and thus adopted
Artemus Ward as his nom de plume.
! think Artemus left few enemies be
| bind him, when. in the Fall of 1859 h,
left Cleveland for broader Geld of effnrt
and the friends who knew him in his esrlie
days rejoiced at his subsequent prosperi
ty and sincerely mourncd his untimcl,
death.