Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1872-08-03
Varieties.

The dismal side of life-Suicide.
A New York lady has comforted her.
self by constructing a bed.quilt of 1882
pieces, and rural editor says, ait
makes one sleepy just TO look at it,
A YOUNG man of csnvivial habits has
discovered one good thing about sea
voyage. You can get as tight rs you
please every day. and everybody thinks
you're only sea-sick.
The following new definition is sug-
gcsted for the forthcoming edition OF
Websters Unabridged: Tomahawk-An
agricultural implement chiefly used for
hair raising.
A CALIFORNIA lady was made insane
by tight lacing, and several California
gentlemen have been made crazy by
being otherwise tight.
AMONG the engines of civilization for
the determination of the aborigines
may be cited a base ball club which the
Choctaw Indians have got up among
themselves.
A FOREIGN vegetarian who came to this
country with the intention of introduc-
ing unbolted flour, has given it up as
| impracticable, because, rs he asserts,
the Americans give such little time to
their meals that they bolt everything
they eat.
Local editing must be jolly in Salem,
Washington county, N. Y. The editor
of the Press recently received the fol.
lowing delightful missive: "Youm fell
lers want to keep un fellers names out
of your paper else youm will get your
id snoot busted. This is Dizziness"
In New Hampshire, the following is
posted on fence Nottis-Know
kow is aloud in these medders, emmy
men or women letten thare kows run
the rode, wot gets inter my medders
aforeseed shall have his tail cut OFF by
me, Obadiah Rogers"
"How is it, my dear, that you have
never kindled flame in the bosom of a
man ?" said an old lady to her pretty
niece who was portionless. "The reason,
dear" replied the young lady, "is, as
you well know, that ! am not good
match.'
SOME one has said that the three hard
est words to pronounce consecutively
| are, | was mistaken" Let the person
who made this assertion try his articu
lating powers on the names of the lakes
in Maine-three, for instance-Huknz-
tyabob-Zitmornumgohic- Mahogapra-
gohgug.
A LITTLE four year old beset his
mother to talk to him and say some
thing funny. How can II" she asked
"don't you see how busy am baking
these pies ?' "Well, you might say,
Charley, won't you have pie?' That
would be funny for you"
A LADY about to be absent from home
| for week told her servant to keep her
gold fish nice and clean. On the lady's
return the fish were dead. "Died in
two days, marm." "But what did you
do to them?" "Please, marm, took
'em out and wiped 'em clean and next
day they died"
The chairman of Vigilance Commit
tee, who was instructed to duck an OBJ
noxious citizen, thus reported to his
constituents I'VE took the thief down
to the river, made hole in the ice and
| proceeded to duck him. but he slipped
through our hands and hid under the
ice. All our efforts to entice him to
come out failed, and he has now at
tanned his point of advantage some
hours
LET that pudding alone, there
| That's the dessert ?" exclaimed a waiter
to countryman who was discounting
the tapioca at an early stage of the
dinner. 81 don't care if it is DESERT"
testify said the countryman "Fd eat it
if il it was wilderness"
LAWYER" How do you identify this
handkerchief" Witness -" By its
general appearance, and the fact that
have others like it," Lawyer" That's
no proof, for have one just like it in
my pocket" Witness-".I don't doubt
that. had more than one of the same
sort stolen"
The possible scarcity or short supply
of iron has excited no little apprehen'
sion in the commercial and industrial
world. The consumption is constant
and immense. Allowing for the pro-
duction in barbarous countries and
something for the use of scrap iron, 1T
is estimated in round numbers that the
production, and consequently the con
sumption, OF the world has reached
9,500,000 tons so that, if the population
of the world has reached one thousand
millions, the consumption is nearly
twenty pounds of iron per head. 1T
the industry of the whole world were as
thoroughly developed as in Great
Britain, nearly 90,0OO,00O tons per an.
mum would be required; as in the
United States, about 50,OO0,OO0 tons.
BRlDEs.-A correspondent at Vienna
writes always calculate the number
of strangers by the number of brides
which cross ones path. Your female
readers will ask how | know a bride
when | see one. But | reply, my dear
ladies', can tell in an instant-and, so
to say, with half an eye-any travelling
"young married woman" | have no
need to look at the luggage, which is
new; nor at the husband, who looks as
if he was not quite sure that he has not
been ha,ty; nor even tthe dress. No; a
bride walks into room as a thing apart.
Brides are divided into two classes-the
serious and the smiling.
The first enters with queenly st
and seems to say, "Don't look a.
Don't you see pm married, an
those days are over?" The otH
up smiling. as much as to- y