Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1872-09-12
Vol. XVIII. Whole No. 92l. No, 81.

1 ~aNaN Saitsai MIL tuC
A Connecticut farmer has named /,
prize rooster Robinson, because Robin
| son Cru-soe.
A Chicago man named Tenney eco.
nomically writes his name 'Xy,-that is
l0ey.
The three stages OF Darwinism are
now said TO be-positive, tail; compar.
| atiVe, tailor; superlative, tailless.
a countryman saw skeleton of /
| donkey in a local museum. How odd
we look without flesh!' he said,
II cause be good, the vioeLt attack,
OF its enemies will not iniure it so much
rs an iniudicious defence of its friends
1t may sound like paradox, vet the
breaking o: both an army's wings is a
pretty sure wry Of making it fly.
4 disgusted theatre-goer SAYS:
There's no plays like home for him.
lie retired, singing to himself, Home a
Gain
y man advcrtises in the St. Louis
Republican for good girl to cook. We
have seen some that almost looked good
enough 10 eat raw.
John, how long is the Amazon riv-
err: 1 don't know Don't know !?
Didn't | tell you yesterday? yes but
my father told me never to take any-
thing on hcarsay.'
\ woman, found helplessly intoxica-
ted i'll the streets OF London. denied
having been drinking and asserted that
her condition arose from being 'cheni-
Called from the sewer.
Tommy was cautioned against eating
too much luncheon, because he would
his appetite for dinner. But Tommy
said he would rather have a good lunch
con than good appetite any time.
Garrick once said that the reason why
the players beat the preachers was be-
cause the actor treated fiction as if it
were reality, ana the preacher reality As
il il were fiction.
The statisti,cian of an Eastern news
paper ayers that the flies are so sood-na-
tured this season that we'll organized
one will allow himself to be brushed off
ones nose eightysevcn times, and not
show any temper.
Complaints Of ku-Klux outraees
comes from Florida, where the organiza-
ton i said to be fairly established on u
more tlourishing basis than ever.
Texas is divided into twelve educa-
tional districts, and there i. a demand
lust now for good teachers who are of
tered from $50 to 800 per month for
their services.
But one false step, one wrong habit,
one corrupt companion, one loose prin-
a 4 aI tIe hopes OF those who love,
honor and regard you.
The substance Of Brigham Young's
lectures in his new lyceum tour is an
eXhortation to young men and maidens
TO marry. He can't be accused OF
preaching what he doesn't practice.
II il said that farmer in Western
New York has cleared 5000 bv burying
wooden Indian cigar signs for Il few
mouths and then digging them up and
selling them to colleges for petrified
MOhicans.
Move with the multitude in the com
mon walks Of life, and YOU will be
unn0ticcd in the throng but break from
them, pursue a different path, and every
eve, perhaps with rcproval will be turn
ell towards you.
With all Your commiseration for dis
tress, join firmness Of mind. Interest
yourself i'll general happiness, feel tor
all that i human, but suffer not vour
peace to be disturbed by what is bevond
M th Of a., I
your power to remedy.
The rule TO be applied in general
conduct, is to conform TO every innocent
custom as our social nature requires.
but refuse compliance with whatever i,
inconsistent with propriety, decency
and the moral duties: aud dare to be
singular III honor and virtue.
\ Terrc llaut youth who had heard
Of William Tell and the apple UNDER
/ took TO repeat the experiment with IA
little brother. \ hole in the head Of
tlte latter instead ot the fruit was Il Tel
ling point against the success, of the am
bilious archer.
a youthful Danbury lover who play
ed and sung before the young ladv's
house for two mortal hours was elect,f-
'tA'A ''''RA - 7ii'tA thhSt " N tOluldI
! thank YOU, gracefully pronounced bv
the other fellow who appeared at the
window.
Carl Schurz oHce made a speech At
Forte Wayne, Ind, on which occasion
he was pcllcd with cabbage-heads.
4 STOPPING down he picked up one OF the
heads hurled at him. aud, holding it ia
his hand, said: Those OF my country
men vino vote with the Democratic
, party have no more intelligence than
this cabbage
| II Keep the best bread said Ger
ain baker to a poor fellow who COM
| planned of the inferior quality OF the
/ article he had purchased of him the dav
| before. II don't doubt it," replied the
1 customer. Then why do YOU COM
| plain asked the baker. because |
| would suggest that you keep the bad
| and sell the best" was the reply. He
went out and safely lodged bread tin
| There are but few who know how TO
be idle and innocent. BY doing moth
/ we learn to do ill.
What animal could have dispensed
with the ark-Why, the dog to be
sure, might have set up bark.
Is not a waste of labor to weigh fish,
when, as it is well known they have
scales OF their own?
Slippery trick-sending prettily work.
ed, comfortable slippers TO a single gen.
tleman.
To become the lion of a party it is no
necessary to make beast of ones self
! A pillow, though not belonging to the
| human species, comes under the head o
a rational being.
The matrons of certain town have
erected an Illuminated clock, in order
that their husbands may have no excus
for mot thinking it was so late.
'Ain't it wicked to rob the chicken
! roost, Dick? Oats great mora
question, Gumbo; and we amt no tim,
to arguefy it now; hand down anothe
pullet.
On a Western railway, IA bride i.
said to have handed her marriage Ger