The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-05-03
sCrssORENGs.

courses into too many heads, will find
it difficult to procure attentive ears
for all of them.
In what way does a lady treat a
man like a telescope? When she
draws him out, looks him through,
and then shuts him up.
A Decatur, Illinois, dentist ex-
pressed his gratitude for the birth of
his little girl by offering to pull teeth
for the poor gratis for one month.
A Quebec. woman created a sensa-
ton recently by riding through st,
John street in q hearse, reclining on
the cofin-bed, and smoking a pipe.
A shopkeeper recommending q
piece of silk for a gown, told his
customer: ssMa'am, it will wear for
ever, andmakea petticoat afterward."
s.Talk about the the Of deathl'
exclaimed a man who was living with
his third scolding wife. 81 tell you
they're no touch to the jaws of life."
This was found in a letter: "Dear-
est Love-I have swallowed the post
age stamp which was on your letter,
because I knew your lips hastouched
it."
Miss Laura G. Redden complains
that American women eat too much
horse radish and too many pickles at
lunch, entailing sharp elbows, thin
calves and red noses.
4 man once went to an eccentric
lawyer to be qualified for some petty
office. The lawyer said to him.
"Hold up your hand. I'll swear
you, but all creation couldn't qualify
you."
An Irishman fresh from the Emer-
aid Isle, upon seeing a horse running
away, exclaimed: "Oh. he isn't
running so very fast; I've seen a
horse run SO fast you couldn't see
him"
"Harry, you ought not to throw
away nice bread like that; you may
want it some day" "Well, mother,
should I stand any better chance o.
getting it then. if 1 should eat ii
now?'
Before hanging a man in louisiana
they let from fifteen to forty reporters
for newspapers interview him for
three weeks. The poor fellow is then
not only willing but anxious to be
hung.
A letter was put IN the postofiee
at South Pennington, Massachusetts.
a few days ago. bearing thefollowing
directions, "Ulices S Grant, Persi
dent of the Unighted States, care o
Congress"
A Milwaukee woman, whose hns.
band had been prosecuted to death
by a creditor, married the creditor
and prosecuted him to death In less
than six months. Time sets al
things even.
A young lady in Boston recently
claimed the reduction made to min.
listers by the vendors of sewing ma
chimes, because. as she blushingly
limited, she was engaged to a theo-
logical student.
A young woman in masculine dis.
guise completed four years of study
and was recently graduated as &
bachelor by the unsophisticated don:
of a New England college.
"Charley, what is it hat make:
you so sweet?" said a loving mother
to her little boy as she pressed him
to her bosom. 81 dess when Doc
made me out of dust he put a little
tugar in" said Charles.
A child in this world, no doubt
wise In her generation, says: 81
never dress much for the play be
cause every one is looking at tn.
stage; but no one Is more particular
about her dress at church."
A lawyer In Terre Haute lately
went to an editors Office to cane him
The doctors have dug three bullet:
out of his frame, and say there i
another one that they can't find
which win probably kill him.
An Irishman with a bundle on hi
shoulders, riding on the. front of
horse-car, was asked Why he did no
set his load on the platform. He re
piled; "Be jabbers, the horses hayl
enough to drag me; I'll carry tn
bundle"
a Nashville negro set the house il
an uproar by raising up and shoutinI
out, "What all this mean2' after b
had been shrouded for the tomb
This a Saturday, the oath nit, an
the "mourners" haven't stopped run
ming yet
MAYOR MEDILL, of Chicago, j
welcoming the Russian Prince, said
Greece produced an Alexander th
Great, but Russia has produced
greater Alexander. The n Wa
great only IN striking down peoIl
while the other exhibits his greatnei
in raising them up" Yes, this agrea
err Alexander" is seen every da
raising up the Poles. lie has eve
gone SO far toward it as to forbid til
Polish language to be taught in I'll
Polish schools, prescribing the Rul
sian instead.
NOVEL AccIDENT.-A man In OHIO
comfy, Conn, recently met with
novel accident. He slipped from IL
roof of a high building about thre
months ago. He had on thick-sole
India rubber shoes. He struck til