The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1872-05-11
Wit, HumOr and Wisdom.

The mariners compass has done
some of the most important needle
work in the world.
The storm-signal man on the top of
Mount Washington holds the highest
office IN the gift of the nation"
FALL RIVER has got new hearse, and
the local papers are putting it as Can
elegant attraction to our city, adding
much to the taste and adornment of
the place"
How MANY unfortunates have fallen
in war said spinster to a veteran
general, who was also a veteran bache-
Tor. "Not half 50 many, madam, as
have fallen in love was the testy reply.
BURLINGTON buried baby, and this
| Is its epitaph:
Beneath this stoue our baby lays,
He neither cries or boilers;
He lived just one and twenty days,
| And cost us forty dollars.
A MAN must not keep his hat on at q
place of amusement, because it will
inconvenience those behind him;
but the lady can pile the Tower of
Babylon on her head, if she chooses, and
no one dares to object.
ONE of Michigan University's female
students whose bump of chemical
knowledge has been set down as TX
bv chronological professor, in arecent
examination declared that the formula
for sulphuric acid was S. T,-1o6O-X.-
DURING a recent trial at Reckport,
Ind, Judge Laird interrupted the tes-
timony of lady witness, remarklng
that it was not relevant. The lady ra1s-
ed her head, and with look made up
of injured innocence, inquired: "Wel!,
sir, am l telling this story, or are youl
The Judge wilted, and allowed her to
talk as long as she wanted TO.
The mails having, for week, failed
to come to time in an Arkansas town,
the local paper says it has been forced
to draw heavily on the almanacs for
COPY, and if communication with the
outer world should be still longer cut
off. eve will be obliged next week to
make extracts from the bible; thus sup
plying some of our readers, at least,
with matter entirely new to them"
e. MADAM said a hnarder to his land
lady, q am very sure this pepper is
half peas" "Peas!" cried the lady,
! DTlullnE up, IeaS, lHueeu! IHd1
S pepper is Smalt & Hommersly's very
: best. You don't know anything about
pepper, sir. if you think there's peas in
that" "For all that, madame" said
the boarder, &C I'm sure that pepper Is
half peas-p-e pep, per, per-slx
letters, and three of them p'sl"
A PREACHER out West was lately re-
ferring to instances of the special prov
idence of God, and mentioned the
case of two widows noticed in the Scrip
lures 'In the one case" said he.
1.-the widows husband was dead !" At
this point he saw a smile upon some
countenances, and his ldpsus Hnguae
T struck him, and he corrected himself
by saving, Gin fact, both of the hus-
bands were dead !"
, An aged but rather rural deacon of
J Danbury, Ct, somewhat astonlshed-
his family on returning from recent
, visit to Bridgeport by disclosing in the
recesses of his capacious valise two val
liable volumes of blue and gold, prize
package containing gold coin, a cake of
fig paste, two pictorial papers, and a
package of ice-cream candy. He said
: a boy on the cars gave him these things.
: He confessed that the boy was an en-
| tire stranger, but fervently hoped heav-
en- would paint him a sky-blue if he
ever forgot his kindness.
A GROCER had pound of sugar re-
turned to him with note stating, too
much sand Portable use, and not enough
, for building purposes.
Upon the street party of Patlanders
, With wooden pestles rammed the powders down.
Amongst the lazy looking on bystanders
: Was Mr.. Pertness-wind-bag of the town.
Old Gruff, who never lost chance tor curtness,
! Passed by, and thus hailed by Mr.. Pertnees
Hey, Gruff ~ said be, " fine exercise to strike
That pestle on those stones! How would you like
Such healthy work to stretch you arms and shout
ders7r
!: Damned well = said Gruf, "if some folks heads
under stead of bowlders!"
$ A DIFFIDENT youth was paying his adj
3 dresses to a gay lass of the country,
who had long despaired of bringing
1 things to a crisis. He called one day
1 when she was alone. After settling the
: merits of the weather, the girl said,
looking silly into his face:
1 81 dreamed of you last night"
S Did you2 Why. now"
eyes; 1 dreamed that you kissed
. me-"
"Why, now What did you dream
your mother said?
"Oh, 1 dreamed she wasn't at home. ,
A light dawned on the youths intel,
lect, a singular sound broke the still,
pesS and IN q fow uoakc thew wore