Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1872-11-30
MISCELLANEOUS. -.
Smith and Jones.


a good wife, plusp as a robin, seod as an
angel, and the mother of ten children. Smith
did not want to ee; divorced, but sought to get
q charter for turnpike from Pigs Bon to
Tsrrapin Hollow. So with these different eS-
j,cts, they came to Trenton, and addressed the
assembled wisdom there with tie usual arsu-
ments:
1.t. Oyster supsers with rich background
Ct steak and vsnison.
81. Liquors in abundance, from the stun
ming Jersey lightning to the bGIbling
champagne.
To speak in plain prose, Jones gave cham
pagas supper, aad Smith followed with
champagne breakfast.
Under the modifying Influence of these
tempting repasts, the wise lawmakers passed
both the divorce and turnpike bills, and Jones
and Smith-with copy Of each bill in parch-
ment iu their pockets-wsHt rejoicing to their
homes.
"My love-" said Smith, when he was once
comfortably ensconced before his domestic
hearth stone, asd speaking to bis wife, who
was ministsring to the necessities of the young
est offspring, q am one Of the Directors Of the
Pig Run aud Terrapin Hollow Turnpike, and
will be President, my dear. 1t will quite set
Us up in life. We will send our children to
boarding school, and live in style Of the tolls
Here's the charter, ducky."
Let me see it, pet" said the wife, who
was the best Of wiyes with plumpness and
good nature beaming all over her face. She
nestled on Smiths shoulder, and threw her arm
lovingly about her neck, as she helped him ex-
anime the parchment. ..
Suddenly Smiths Visase grew long. His
wife looked blank. Smith was generally not
profane, but now be ripped eut a fearful oath.
BLAST it, wife be shouted furiously,
"tbese scoundrels at Trenton have divorced
us
1t was true The parchment he held Was
a bill Of divorce in which the names Of Smith
aud his wife appeared in frishtluIly big letters.
Mrs. Smith wiped her eyes with the corner Of
her epron, as she exclaimed:
"Oh, dear here's turnpike! Mr.. Smith, with
the whole ten Of our children staring inc ia
the face. | amt your wife"
Here the voice Of the dear woman became
cheked with sobs, and utteranccs were too in
distinct to be recorded As for Saith, lie
cursed away at such a rate as would have con-
yinced any spectator Of the propriety Of send
ing him missionary. Although the night
was dark, and the denizens Of the village had
retired to their beds, Smith bid his wife put on
her bonnet, and arm-in-arn they proceeded to
the houss of the clergyman Of their church.
Goodness. bless me :" exclaimed the mild,
good man, as lie saw them enter Smith locked
ike the last J une shad, and Smith's viie's face
all strcakel with tears, what is the matter p
The matter is, want you to marry us
right of, replied Smith.
Marry you! exclaimed the astonished
clergyman, with expanded fingers aud wonder
ing eyes arc you drunk or crazy?'
Neither Tie fact is, Brother Goodwin, some
scouudrcls At Trenton have, unknown to US,
divorced ne from my wife, and she is the
mother Of all my children"
Well, the minister seeing the condition Of
things, married them over again, and would
not take any fee. The fact is he was anxious
to be alone, So that he could give vent to a
suppressed laugh that was shaking him ell
over.
Smith and bis wife went koms and kissed eve
ry one Of their ten children aud the little Smiths
nevor knew that their father and mother had
been mad. stral gers ia each othsr BY lsgisla-
tive enactment.
Meanwhile, and on the self-same night,
Jones returned to bis native town, and sought
the fine pair of black eyes which he hoped
shortly to call his own. The pretty widow
sat Oh a sofa, whit. handkerchief tied careless
" about her round white throa,, and her black
hair in silky waves against her rosy cheek.
"Divorce is the word = cried Jsaes, play
fully patting the double chin. The fact is,
Eliza, am rid Of that woman and you and
will be married tonight. know how to man
age those fellows at Trenton. A champagne
super lor was it breakfast p did our busi-
ness with them. Pu, on your bonnet and let
US &c to the preachers at once, dearest
The widow (who was among widows as
seache: are among apples put on
her bonnet and took Jones arms, and
Just look how handsome it is put or the
parchment, cried Jones, pulling the document.
out before her, heres the law which says that
Jacob Jsnes and Ann Caroline Jones are two !
Lsok at itp
Putting her pluap, gloyed hand On Lis
shoulder, she did look at it.
"Oh, dearr she exclaimed with h'r rosebud
lips, and sank back, half fainting on the sofa.
"Oh, blazesp cried Jones, rumpling the
parchment in bis hand: heres lots CT cham
pagne and happiness gone to ruin
1t was hard case. Instead Of tsing di-
rorced, and at liberty to marry the widow,
Jacob Jones was simply, by tss Legislature Of
New Jersey, incorporated into Turnpike
Company with the liberty Of constructing a
turnpike from Burlington to Bristol When
IL. Il