The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1872-02-17
VARIETY.

Elopement in California is called the g Pacific
slope
Mexico is said to be like the earth, in that it
has a revolution every twenty-four hours.
Pacific Mails - is the name given to good
natured husbands in California
The last thing seen by many people deceased
was Kerosene
Ammonia straight" is the proper way to
call for It, in Greeley, Colorado
There is city in Silesia bearing the unctuous
name of Piatt. 1t is probably kind Of ODE city.
A query for mothers.-Why is 4 screaming
baby ike the goddess of morning? Because it s
Il rOaror (AurOra.)
An Irish lover remarked that it is q great
comfort to be alone, - especially when yer swate-
heart is wild ye!''
They reckon time out west and give dates by
saving, - Two weeks before the last circus" or
'' three weeks after the last circus
4 traitOrous woman avOws the belief that fall
the men were in country and all the women
in another with big river between them, lots of
poor women would be drowned.
A Chinese thus describes trial in the English
law courts: - One man is quite silent, another
talks all the time, and twelve wise men condemn
the man who has not said word"
4 crazy man having got INTO the gallery of the
Senate of the United States during rambling
debate, was taken out, the sergeant-at-arms tell
ing him that he was '' out OF place in that gal
Iery." That's so,'' said the lunatic; ''
ought to be ON the floor with the Senator's"
An American paper mentions the case of e
woman who is 50 large round her waist that her
husband can't embrace her all at once ; but when
he takes one hug he makes a chalk mark to
know where to commence the next time going
round.
THINKING AND BEING SURE.-Curate: Do you
know, Lewis, must complain of your habit of
shifting about the church during service? F? Lewis:
Well, pa son, there bean't no harm in that, 1
think-my father did it aiOre me- Curate And
L have a graver complaint against your brother
John, for am sorry 90 hear that he beats his
wife Lewis Why, there now l be sure there's
no harm in that do it mysen
He COULDN'T TELL LIE.-Teacher calls UP
big boy on suspicion. Big boy comes up and
holds out his hand, sullen and savage. Noble
little boy comes manfully forward and says,
I'm the boy that whistled, sir at the same
time extending his hand. Teacher SINNERS down
and lets them both off. (Alem.-NOble little
boy thought teacher wouldn't lick him if he told
the truth, but knew big boy would If he didn't
How TO QUARREL WITH WIFE.-Wait until
she is at her toilet preparations for going OUT
she will be sure to ask you IT her bonnet IS
straight Remark that the lives of nIne-tenths OF
the women are passed In thinking whether their
bonnets are straight, and wind up with the
common sense about her Wife will ask you
who that was. You, with n sigh, reply: a. All
never mind - Wife Will ask you why you did
not marry her. You say, abstractedly, - All
why, indeed?'' By this time the climax is
reached.
A young man having put crOwn-piece into
the plate - in an Edinburgh church by mistake,
instead Of a penny, asked to have it back, but
was refused. In once, in forever. /" Aweel,
aweel." grunted he: '' will get credit for it in
heaven - - Ma na, >" said Jeems, the dOOrkeeper,
yen get credit only for the penny ye meant to
gle"
ADVANTAGES OF Being a NOHAN.-A woman
says what she chooses without being abused for 1t.
She can take nap after dinner while her hus-
band goes TO work She can 90 out IN the street
without being asked to stand treat at every
saloon. She can stay home in time of war, and
get married again If her husband gets killed She
can wear cOrsets If too thick, and other fxngs If
too thin. She can get divorce from her husband
If she sees one she likes better. She can get her
husband in debt all over, until he warns the
public not to trust her on his account. But all
these advantages are balanced by the great fact
that she cannot sing bass, wear beard, 60 spark
ing, or climb tree with propriety-