Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1872-09-19
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.


A WATER PITcHER-A fire engine.
A YOUTHFUL WARRIoR-A baby in
arms.
A WESTERN college offers prize for
THE Latest Sensational mosquito bite
at II 80 pm
MOBILE has a society known as "Bre-
vet Widowers."
WHEN does man sneeze three times?
When he can't help it.
THE favorite fan at Kansas City is made
of tumbler and two straws.
A MAN and woman each eight feet high
recently visited indianapolis.
A BED contains two sheets; quire "a.
1t takes 10 beds to make a quire.
ABOUT the best schism that man can
be guilty of is witticism.
WHEN autumn is married to winter, the
wedding cake is always frosted.
GETTING into a grain corner is the
latest phrase for getting corned.
A BACHELOR compares a shirt button
to life, because it hangs by thread.
A FELLOW who sees a girl home under
an umbrella is certainly rain beau.
n hAbr-CENlOhI dSO lOudlOOo WClC
called love-apples, and considered poison
Gus.
OUR butcher says no one can beat his
steaks. Unfortunately our cook is obliged
to.
81 PROMISE to love, honor and be gay"
is the way Philadelphia brides get around
the nuptial vows.
AN accomplished youth, being asked
rxybathor hot could ha oo1IoJ q = ti1a orti-
Gle, replied, eyes, chapeau So"
A LITTLE girl wanting fan, but not
being able to remember the word, said
she "wanted a thing to brush the hot off
with"
A CAUTIOUS man, who owns valuable
horse, objects to turning him into pas.
ture, for fear he should Craze his knees.
AN extravagant bride in Swampscott-
according to a Boston paper-bathes
in suite of white satin trimmed with
lace!
CARE the angels playing croquet,
mamma ?" asked little four -year-old, the
other evening, when she saw the meteors
shoot.
WHY is coal the most contradictory ar
ticle known to commerce? Because, when
purchased, instead of going to the buyer,
it goes to the cellar.
To PLATTER a person adroitly, one
must know three things-what they are,
what they think they are, and what they
want other people to think they are.
"YoU can't do too much for your en-
ployer," said a person to big-fsted Irish
man. "Sure then" replied Pat, with en-
phasis, ''neither will l."
IRWIN, Ca, boasts of watermelon vine
fhof a Cf rrrnnnd fu foot
in diameter, and on which there were
thirty melons, averaging thirty one pounds
in weight.
THERE are several japanese studying
the art of dress-making in this coun-
try. They will make a great hustle,
says an exchange, when they return to
Japan.
A NEW YORK letter-writer says that
in one Broadway business house there
are not less than nine divorced hus-
bands, two of whom are members of the
firm.
THE Chicago man who stepped behind
pair of mules that he intended to pur-
chase, asked with much feeling when he
was picked out of the gutter, if the der
rick killed anybody elses"
"ARTHUR, said good-natured father to
to-day that you had been whipped last
week." "Didn't you, pa" replied hope
| full; &C knew it at the time"
A LADY lost a pocket-book containing
| seventy odd dollars. A little urchin
| found it, and returned it to the owner,
who presented him with peach. He
calls her "old peaches" for pet name.
A GOLDEN rule for a young lady is to
| converse with her female friends as
though gentleman were of the party, and
with young men as though their female
companions were present.
WOMEN require more sleep, it is said,
than men. Blifkins disputes this, as, he
says, the last sound he hears of nights is
the voice of Mrs. B. in her nocturnal lee
ture, and the first in the morning is her
matutinal admonition.
MR.. RIDER, who runs the Meriden,
Conn, telegraph Office, really enjoys his
business-it's so lively He had two in.
struments in his office melted by light
ming this summer, and expects to get
melted himself by and by.
A LITTLE boy, after watching the burn
ing of the school house till the novelty oil
the thing had ceased, started down the
street saying, I'm glad the old thing
burned down; didn' have my jogfry les
son, no howr'
AT concert on Staten Island some
time since, an unseen horn was sounded
to give the effect of distant echo of the
chorus. This effect was slightly marre6
by some ones Immediately bawling ''Por
giesl"
A MAN who has a red-headed sweet
heart addressed her as "Sweet Auburn
loveliest of the plain" Sweet Auburn GO
mad about it. She objected to being
classed among the "plain," even though
called the loveliest of them.
A CLERGYMAN asked Garrick to explain
why it was that Garrick made so mucl
deeper impression on his audience thar
F the clergyman on his. Garrick answered
81 speak falsehood as though Ibelieved it
you speak truth as though you disbelieve(
it."
: ONE evening recently a gentleman, il
driving along public road not very fal