, 1872-12-22
HUMOR.

| HUMOR.
| Judy Says that Miss Bateman is the reverse OF
flower blooming in July's garden-she is night
Leah, and that is dat-lia.
What is the difference between forward
| mink and q shot rabbit? Ones oYer-bold and
| the othera bowled over.
"A doctor vent out for days sport, and
complained Of having killed nothing. ."That's
the consequence Of having neglected your busi-
ness, observed his wife.
There is nothing like a good definition, as
| the teacher thought when he explained the
meaning Of told maid" as 4 woman who had
been made very long time.
| The Jacksonville Journal states that =
blooming, bluahing schoolgirl calle1 at that
Office the other day and inquired for ''papers for
week back The idee suggested was that she
| wanted them for pannier.
| .,-Ezpertentia. Doeet Elder Of Fourteen:
"Where is baby, Madge?" Madge: In the
other room, think, Emily" Elder Of Four
| teen: :" Go directly, and see what she's doing,
| and tell her she mustn't"
To find out what the Indiana Legislature is
made Of, 80 over the hills Of Jeffersonvil1e, and
cry aloud, " Who's yer law makers z" Of couae
! echo will answer, 'sHoosier law makers"
The married ladies' Of Hannibal, Missouri,
have formed "Come Home Husband Club
1t is shout four feet long and has brush On the
end Of it,
Henry Ward Beecher said "a fire devil sits
on every Mnnsard roof" For an imp Of dark
ness to do that is impo'-Ight.
--"Pity the Poor Teacher. "Teacher: sand
what are the four quarters OF the world ?" First
RaR RaIs4 seona an s fire. aRa
er, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John,'
"A naturalist thinks that il cat we're prop
orly fed twice day Oh tortoise-sheu scraps she
might ultimately produce litter Of catacombs.
"A little girl ves one day reading the history
OF England with her governesg, and coming to
the statement that Henry I. never laughed after
What did he do when he WAS tick1ed:''
"A lady wished to have her husbands life in
sured in Boston office the other day, giving as
reason that abe wanted either q husband or
some money, 'she didn't care which" She
never expected both st the same time,
The other day Ii tile hoy, who had cut his
hnger, ran to his mother and cried: ''Iie it up.
M tle it up quick, for the juice is all running
out!" The sams urchin, on one Of the late e1,
cesslVe not days, appealed to mother for help.
saying: Ma, do dx me, for Tn leaking ii
"A Syracuse deacon cast gloom orer his
pocket marked tIizzie." His wife's = nsne am is is
Mary, and she never owned butt on-hook, but
mas nag to rely upon hair-pin for such work
heretofore,
"A Mrs. Day, Of Springfield, ILL.,, lately gave
ous4 ~ 4uatIuPletd, We1gh1ng ten pounds each
n n their stocking feet. The bereaved father says
Shakespeare was quite right when he said ne do
not know ffwhat q day may bring forth"
Miss Anthony is said to have abandoned the
classics altogether, Disguised with the invidious
sexual DISTINCTION implied in the oft-quoted
ed out to her that after ali, the mems part Of the
phrase was feminine.
a little girl Eho WAS visiting the family OF
neighoor heard them speak Of her father as
are you q widower 2" "Yes, my child. Don't
you know that your mother Is dead z" ssWhy.
yes, know that mother is dead but then Won |
always told me you were a New Yorker
=" Comparisons are odious" Mrs, Ger |
really must give cook warning, Charles. She |
does use such very bad wo1ds!" Mr.. C.
80 Really, dear! What sort OF words are they p, |
Mrs G.-"O-we1l-th same as you use /"
tit is possible" said an experienced uncle
TO an ado!escent nephew, "to be tolerable com
Portable IN marriage, it your wife enjoys good |
health, and you enjoy as much money AZ will |
enable you to afford to crafty all her inelina-
tons besides your own"
One OF the saddest instances Of wono.n,a
faith1esaness with which We have ever mat wa
that OF the wife OF man in Syracuse. + seams
That the couple had arranged that for six months
the husband Was to get up and make the kitchen !
hre, and that the wife was to perform the task
Tor the succeeding six months. The mans half
year expired On the I'd, and on the morning Of
tao "a the ToHan suddenly died. He s nearly
broken-hearted over his aff1iction. He saya il
he could only have forseen this bereayeme1t, be
woala have shufaea her ogt q bed 1t Daylight
every morning ejnes HAY -