The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1872-03-30
HOME MATTERS
Pepper, Salt ana Spice.

his personal attention TO some little improve
nsn,s on the same, the street, not the she'd He
will be required to have the street paved, grained
and papered. The sidewalks must be calsomined,
and tie fences vanished. 4 fog alarm whistle
must be put up az the depot, at one end, while
the American hag must be thrown to the breeze
at the class factory, ard lightning rod should
be put up in the middle of the street When
these few improvements shall have been made,
no person shall be allowed on it who does not
wear gloves, own a black-and.tan dog, and Il
clean handkerchief. On Sunday evening las.
a lecture was delivered at Albrecht's Hall on the
west side. A flaming poster was pasted on the
door OF Teuton's butcher shop near by. That
butcher ever since has complained Of dull bust.
ness. He SAYS, der YangCe mans dey see dot
notice on de door by mine shop, und as dey can't
could read deutsch, dey say, Hello Jake's got
meat 1lelscL on some under place.. We have
hit upon plan for squelching that whistle nais.
auce at the glass factory. We have sent to Chi.
cago for couple OF ten extinguishers, one for
the whistle, and big one to put over tue fellow
who grinds the plagued thing. We've got 'em
now 49,. And now it has come to pass that In
West Serena, in this county, all has not been
serene Of late. On Saturday evening last the
literary people assembled 1t what IL known as
''Shirt-tail.bend school house. There were OPP
posing sides as to whether certain person, or a
certain otter per.on should have the honor Of
presiding over the deliberations Of that august
assembly during the coming year And then
and there came the " ruction.' Hats, coat. and
most reckless manner, while the "thunder Of the
captains and the shouting ecl,p-ed everything
in that way since the confusion of tongues, which
prevented the tower of Babel from reaching
heaven. Towards midnight the belligsren.s be-.
came calm from sheer exhaustion, and now all
is as lovely As the gentle zephyr that fans the
de w-drop on the bosom of the rose,-or words TO
that effect. The popular proprietor of the
Clifton Hotel Is stronger than Sampson, or any
any other man. We saw him the other day
holding on his head all the United States and
territories besides Canada, Alaska and Mexico,
in addition TO portions OF the Atlantic and Pa.
cifc oceans. The map which shows the extent
of country named escaped uninjured but consd.
cradle dust was afterwards found on the head
of the Chfton-ss. During the recent meeting
of the council name-sake, John Armstrong, was
put in nomination for bridge tender. lie was
defeated, every one installing that unfortunate
youth FOR Gus" We owe him an apology .. :.
1t is said that Cyrus Field is the buliest alder
man in the city -. Every one around Seneca
knows 7. "P.' stands for Paddy" the name
by which he is generally called. ?. is somewhat
fond OF the concentrated extract OF corn An-
other gentleman the-eaway, of fine taste, coin.
planned # the low grade and inferior quality of
Senec, "pizen," md sent to Chicago for supe-
rior article, which in due time came per express
in a five gallon key Paddy was a: the depot,
saw il pu. of. and hastily borrowing = w4shtub
and five gallons Of "iorty.rod," emptied the con.
tents Of the key into the tub filed the key with
the "ior,y.rod," pu. the good article" in the
other kos, and departed happy and honest
man, and for week reioiced in square drinks
of genuine imported while his victim drank
the "p1ar truck" all unconscious of the differ.
ence. Fact 49,. One day, not long ago, Lush"
Delano got dozen of thoroughbred eggs. which
he was trying To carry home from Whites brew.
cry. Finding the load heavy. lie stopped at
Cards TO borrow buggy standing at the door
The owner loaned the buggy, and while Lush"
was getting in stole the eggs. Lush" drove
home in great glee, and told his folks about what
q nice setting of eggs he had there, and called
lady out to get the eggs while he held the horse.
contain the eggs, and went into the house. He
exclaimed, "G'.lang, Blazs!" and started for
town The basket on being examined WAS found
to contain the following sundriss: 3 bricks, a
dead rat, 9 broken bottles, and u small chunk of
ice The owner of the buggy went home in
due time, and had n dozen thoroughbred, white
Bramah eggs" for breakfast next morning.
'Lush" went home, and on discovering how thH
had played it on him, went out of the house ex.
citedly, climbed upon the tow.path of tho canal
quickly, and then and there eased his mind with
many emphatic CALCULATIONS for about IN hour,
and pointing his hand towards the north star,
swore "rengeancc-eterral vengeance!" A few
days afterwards no met his victim vt the same
place as before. Victim eeads small boy to 70
and bring him quarters worth Of fresh fish-boy
went-'Lush" followed and Whispered. he ssys,
get a dollars worth-boy did-victim paid.
Flush" stole tho fish and has had nice fresh pike
s;coo f,eh hoe.
Music hath charms to sooth the savage breast
So. with our violin We do "level best"
A: Music's acadamy, once In . while,
And make hedious sounds like unto rssp or nle.