Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1872-09-19
Irish Bulls,

The qujckneSS ef reply and richness
of wit-exhibited by Irishmen is un-
equaled by any other nation. A native
of Ireland can always get out OF diff
ficulty by the sharpness of his wits
When the officer told private to go
and let his captain know he was the
idlest rascal in the regiment, he an
swered, Please your honor, you would
not have me go with lie in my mouth?'
There is often, too, a beautiful pathos in
these Irish tales that is closely allied TO
their humor. A poor old lady being
sympathized with on the loss of her
teeth, replied, "Time for me to lose
'em, when I've nothing for 'em to do"
An Irishman never biunders from stu
pidity, but because his head has more
thln it eau carry. His name is invari-
ably associated III our minds with bulls.
A bull has been explained as false ex-
preston OF truth, and Sydney Smith
calls it counterpart of a Witticism; for
wit discovers real relations that are not
apparent, while bull admits apparent
relations that are not real. The sum
and substance OF Maria EdgeWOrth'S IS
essay on Irish Bulls" appears to be
that it is impossible to define what they
are. They are distinct from the blum
ders OF other countries, but in what that
distinction consists has yet to be dis
covered. Many Irish bulls contain a
good deal of truth wrapped up in them;
thus the observation, "Where will you
find any modern building that has last
ed SO long as the aneient?' is only a
perverted. expression of truth, for the
old things that have come down to us
are better than most of the new ones,
in that they are those which have been
selected, the struggle for life having
destroyed the bad. Most of the bulls
we know of are so mirth-producing that
we think we cannot do better than
string few together. An Irish coron-
er, on remaking on the great mortality
of certain winter, went on to observe
that there are great many people dying
this year who never died before 1t
must have been brother of this gen.
tleman, who, w lie playing at cards,
noticed that shilling was deficient in
the pool, and cried out, "Here is shil-
ling short; who put it in?" 1t was Sir
Richard Steele that said to a certain
great man whom he wished to invite,
''If, sir, you ever come within a mile
of my house. hope you will stop
there" 1t being remarked that no.
hleman's wife had no children, a rnedi-
cal man hazarded the opinion that he
bad noticed such to be hereditary in
some families. A countryman, who
was indicted for stealing goose brought
a neighbor to swear that he remember
ed that very goose in his possession ever
since it was gosling. An Irishman,
who was prisoner for stealing a gun,
on hearing this defense prevailed on a
fellow-countryman of his to swear that
he remembered the gun in his possess
sion ever since it was pistol. The
following description of very thin
man is nos bad: "Heis grown so thin
hardly knew him. You are thin, and
l am thin; but he is thinner than both
of us put together" Sir Boyle Roche
was a living, walking bull, and his
speech was one continued blunder. In
consequence large number of bulls
have been attributed to him. In q
he remarked, "Single misfortunes never
come alone, and the greatest OF all pos
sible misfortunes is usually followed by
a greater" Paddy Blake's echo, that
answered the question "How do you
do. Paddy Blake?" with the words,
"Pretty well, | thank you, sir" was
forestaled by the echo of Charenton,
mentioned by Lord Bacon, which, on
the mention of the DEVILS name, an
swered, "Na-t-en.n The self-convicted
Irishman, who was looking over
gentleman writing some euncomplimen-
tary remarks, and called out, "You lie,
you seoundrel," is to he found in Gal
lands "Paroles Remarquables DIES ORR
entaux." Horace Walpole declared
that the best bull he ever heard was the
saving of the man who declared, ''I
hate that woman, for she changed me
at nurse i' This may be traced to San.
cho Panza. There are practical bulls
as wellas spoken ones; such as the ac-