Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-03-15


A pupil in one Of our public schools
thinks that hupger md tae' rod are just
about u. saaae thing, as they both make q
boy hotler.
What have you to remark, madam. about
my singing? said a gentleman to a lady
"Notbing. sir" replied the lady, it is not
remarkable
Paper bed quilts, for lightness and COM
fort, is the latest suggestion. We've
known editors who have been lying Oh
paper for years, and yet they are not hap
Ply.
"Come, don't be timid," said a couple of
foolish snobs to two mechanics, ''sit down
and make yourselves our equals" "We'd
have to blow our brains out to do that
was the reply.
When a Connecticut deacon nudged a
somnolent worshiper with the contribution
box, the sleepy individual awoke partially,
smiled and murmured 81 don't smoke" and
dropped off again.
PRETTY TEAcHER-"Now, Johnny Wells
can you tell ne what is meant by a mira
Gle p Johnny-''Yes, ma'am. Mother
says if you don't marry our new parson that
it will be a miracle"
AN IR1sHMAN's PLEA.-''Are you guilty
or not guilty ?" asked the clerk of arraigns,
TO a prisoner the other day. can sure
now" said Pat. ''what are you put there
for but to find that out
Here's some poetry for you:
[ caught her softly by the arm,
My gentle, black-eyed Kate,
She s~quealed ''Let 60. you cussed fool,
You hurt my vaccinate J!
LAWYER C. Ger tering the office o. lii lii
friend. DR.. M, and speaking in a hoarse
whisper)-'Tred, I've got such a cold this
morning that I can't speak the truth" DR..
M.-"Well Tn glad it's nothing that will
interfere with your business.
II think said a farmer, 81 should make
a good Congressman, for I use their Ian
guage. I received two bills the other day, |
with requests for immediate payment; the
one [ ordered to be laid on the table, the |
other to be read that day six mouths.
An exchange, in describing a fashionable
party. speaks Of a gallant who whispered to |
a lady s'and took her apart p and very un-
CALAMITY indeed adds that sit is not a very
difficult feat to take a lady apart these times ;
but then there is very little left Of her after
wards"
A gentleman in search of a man to do
some work met on bis way a highly respec.
table lady, not as young as she once was.
and asked her ''Can you tell me where I
can find a man p "No. I cannot" she re
Piled, ''for 1 have been looking these twen-
~ years for one myself"
A clergyman once preached a rather long
sermon from the text, 'sThou art weighed
in the balance and found wanting" Aft r
the congregation had listened about an hour,
some began to get weary and went cut
others soon followed, greatly to the annoy
ance of the minister. Whereupon he
stopped his sermon, and said s'That's right,
gentlemen, as fast as you are weighed, pass
cut"
Nor CATcH1NG.-A lady school teacher
in Omaha, having an inordinate dread of
the small pox. sent home a little girl be-
cause she said her mother was sick and had
marks on her face. The next day the little
girl presented herself at the school-house.
with her fingers in her mouth and her little
bonnet swinging by the strings, and said to
ehe teacher: Miss -, we've got a leetle
baby at our house; but mother told me to
tell YOU 1t isn't catchim'." The teacher said
shat she was very glad, and told her pupil
AXE her seat. J
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