Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1872-12-25
THE CHRONICLE.
If you need a stimulant, try work,

1t costs a bachelor as much to win
ter as it does a married man.
There are political economists who
say fire makes business brisk.
SIoth, like rust, consumes faster
than labor wears.
Cordelia Howard, the original Eva
in "Uncle Toms Cabin" is still in
flesh, and is a wife and mother.
A young Kentuckian recently
''plsyed 'possum," and was shot by a
friend who was on the lookout for
such animals.
One style of bonnet is called the
.'Mansard," because ii takes q great
deal of "man's hard" earnings to pay
for one of 'em.
A German lately married says: I'D
vas youst so easy as q needle coed
walk out nit a cancels eye as to get
der behindt word NIT a vooman's.'
An Irishman who was found guilty
of stealing a lot Of coffee, was asked
by the magistrate what he did with
it. "Made tsy wild it," was his reply.
A middle sized boy, writing a COM
position on "EXtremes,n remarked
that i've should endeavor to avoid
extremes. especially those of wasps
and bees"
The mother OF an unmanageable
boy living in Portland thus excused
him to the police: "Sure, Patsey
isn't a bad boy at all but heis troubled
with a roosh of mind to the brain !"
4 boy at South Bend, Indiana,
thought he would see how the cold
iron of his skate tasted, the other
morning. He now wears what there
is left of his tongue in a sling.
a young woman at Torquay, Eng
land, was fatally shocked recently by
hearing q door slam in the next room,
which she thought was her husband
shooting himself.
"Home is the place for boys,n said
Spinks TO his eldest pride and joy.
Yes" said the youngster, dutif1lIy,
"I'd like to stay at home ali the time,
but ma sends me off to school,"
A Dutchman, getting excited over
an account of an elopement of q mar
Red woman. gave his opinion thus =
IF my wife runs away nit anoder
mans wife, 1 shake him out of his
preeches, if she be mine ladder.
"Do bats ever fly IN the day time?iI
asked a teacher of his class in natural
history. Eyes, sir, the boys replied.
What kind of bats?m asked the as
tonished teacher. "Brick batsl :" yell
ed the boys.
A country girl, coming from a NOR
ming walk, was told that she looked
as fresh as a daisy kissed by the dew,
10 which she %innoceDtly replied,
"You'vs got my name right-Daisy,
out his isn't Dew"
A gentleman travelling in Ireland
said to a very importunate beggar,
You've lost all your teeth" The
oeggar quietly answered, IAN it's
time 1 parted with UNI, when I'd
nothing for UNI TO do"
AN IRIsHMAN's PLEA.-"Are you
guilty, or not guilty?" asked the
clerk of arraIgnst to a prisoner the 9TH
er day. AN sure now" said Pat,
what are you there for but to find
out"
"Fred, said a farmer to his son, 4
hear that you and your wife quarrel
and wrangle every day." "WhOever
told you that, father, was mistaken.
and my wife have not spoken to
one another for over a month"
A Chicago drug firm, which gener-
ally sells a ton of asafoetida q year, has
sold three tons of that savory article
within a month, and raised the price
from fifty cents a pound to two dollars.
The epizOot did it.
"Do you think it safe, my dear,'s
said a husband o his wife, "for me to
take off flannel when it looks like
springer perhaps So" replied the
wife, "but 1 never saw any flannel
that looks like spring"
"Sir" said a Yankee, ''you prom
ised to vote for my BILL" 'Vell said
The Deitcher member, "yat if 1 die? p"
Well. sir, you voted against it."
ied"' "Vell, vat if I did,"
Minnie Jagged six to bearded papa,
who has just returned after = five
5ears' residence in the Australian
Iush)-"I don't like you. You are
90 rough and l am sorry you ever
married into our family"
A veterinary surgeon who lives in
Buffalo, New York, lately tried to
founder his mother-in-law by dan
a polka with her until she got
warmed up and then giving her all
he iced lemonade she could drink
1t is well known that some young
aides are foolish enough to think
hat arsenic will make them white
L young lady at Parker's Landing
ried it, and at the end of three months
+ made her so very white they had to
Jury her.
The Presidential electors OF New
hampshire, at their recent meeting,
astonished to find that not one
f their number was a user of liquor
r tobacco in any form. Elk Governor
Hale, the oldest member, had never
wen treated" to q glass of liquor.
"Shut your eyes and listen nit me-"
ad Uncle Van Heyde. "Vell, de first
light l opens store l counts de mon
es and finds him nix right. I counts
nd dere be tree dollars gone; and vat
loes yer tink 1 does dem" 81 can't
ay." "Vy. 1 did not count him any
more, and he comes out shoost right
yer since"
The Springfield Republican Gays
he cOnundrum at the Jail is: How
hall we lodge one hundred and thir
y-one prisoners in one hundred and
cells without putting two
prisoners together?" By taking some