The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-03-29
-----4-=- -=-----sa--a-s@--a---4s sa@-A--~-----
CHRONICLES.
=
CHAPTER I.
BY NYEKA-wHYKXUM.

And in the days of Grover the
just, it came to pass that the scala
wagers and spoil-seekers of the Web
Nation became hugely discomfort,
for they said Grover will rule the
Oregonians in goodly manner, and
his supporters on The right and on
the left will guard the Golfers of the
State and the Golfers of the county,
and the other strong boxes which
hold the peoples money, 50 that we
can no longer wax fat as aforetime
by stealing tberefrom.
And they gat them up and hasten
ed unto the chief city by the river OF
Webfoot, even unto Portland-on-the
Wallametj and there were gathered
in that place u mighty horde of po-
litical scrubs-outs who wanted TO be
ins, and ins who feared to be outs
And they separated into squads and
held secret conclaves BY night in the
Court Of Death, and in HelPs Cross
Roads, and other sweet-scented and
high-toned localities which abornd
in the slums OF that wicked city, and
on the morrow they came forth "re-
freshed."
And they said we have had a good
ly time and have demonstrated that
we are MN. Why should we fear to
make war on the Webfeet, and seize
their Offices and gobble the spoils
thereof Yea, we will go for them
and for their Offices and their honors,
and will deyour their living-their
oxes and asses,~ their whisky and
things, their maid-seryants and sich
shall all be ours.
And they said we will do all opr
fighting and gougiDg in secret and
show none of it openly, and when
we assemble In open conciave, the
Webfeet shall think we are united
and harmonious and we will pro-
ceed to nominate ticket which will
astonish them; but each said within
himself, this ticket must be as want
it or there will be n muss of some di-
mensions in this solemn assemblage.
And on the twentieth day of the
third month they assembled in open
conclave, but behold they had neg
lected to arrange all their little af-
fairs IN secret, for when one J. Z.
the Galley said that the lumber
camps Of the Province of Coos shoulc
cast the vote of men who were alb
sent. and of sailors long since gone
TO Davy Jones locker, behold one
kelsay said, Nay, that won't go down.
Also one Chenoweth stood up and
said, The duty of waging war on the
chicken-stealers and strap-gamists of
the End District is a big take, and
there is money therein. / will take
that little slice myself, if you please.
| will prosecute TO acquit the crimi-
mails of Long Tom and Cow Greek
aud Yaquina. That little Office be-
longs to Soap Creek and behold am
Soap Greek.
Then Guzzly said, Not to speak of.
You are nice little dorg, but you
can't pick that bone. Aud Chenow.
eth said, 1t is Democratic trick you
learned when you was one of theil
crew. Guzzler then said He would
set somebody nose up; and Chen.
oweth said, You are another, and III
bet stamps on it.
And they continued to each talk as
if he would like to rock his fellew to
sleep. But one of the harmony
chaps said they should go away unto
the Court of Death again and agree
quickly, lest the people see these
broils and become disgusted. And
they went, and behold Chenoweth
caught the other mapping, and hook.
ed his pipe and smoked out of theil
dens enough votes to count him in.
And in the open conclave one Dow
ell stood forth in all the beauty oi
ugliness, and in voice of chronic
squeakiness, and with q woe- begone
countenance proclaimed that Joe the
Wilson should be again defeated by
the Democrats in June And they
all spoke and said, Yea, verify, Joe
is the man for the Democrats to beat
He shall be the victim; for some one
must be slaughtered and behold he
| is it.
And Dowell snickered in the sleeve
of his raiment, for he said within
himself, I had the heels of Joe, and
would have led the fight had victory
awaited us at the end; but victory il
not for US. and leading forlorn hope
is not my suit. So 1 shove Joe iu
and make him my friend at the same
| time.
And Joe was brought forth and
preached the first chapter of his own
funeral and snbsided, but will preach
more as occasion requires until June
when the services will cease. The
Democratic diggers of political graves
will have performed their duty, ano
the corpse will be ready.