The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1872-06-27
ALI Sorts Of Paragraphs.

FIVE years.
-"Patience on amonument" has no refer
ence to doctors patients. You will find them
under monument.
"A Philadelphia paper says that the course
of certain New York journal "is enough to
make hen SMILE"
= Mrs. Gubbins says her husband is exactly
like tallow candle, because he will always
smoke when he is going out.
"A Western editor, in writing the obituary
of respectable citizen says that che has gone
to that undiscovered burn"
If sweet disposition does not come to
lady by nature, it will come to her by express
If the express brings her a new bonnet.
The savings banks of the United States
contain deposits of 81 900, ,0OO,0 900, mainly the
surplus earnings of mechanics and iaboring
men.
A pair of twins, born at Lowndes county,
Miss, the other day-a boy and glrl-were
named respectively Horace Greeley and Dolly
Warden.
-Sundry journals are discussing the ques-
ton. "Can we cultivate rain?" One thinks it
doubtful, but is quite certain we can "raise
thunder"
= The wife is the sun of social system
Unless she attracts there is nothing to keep
heavy bodies, like husbands, from flying into
space.
A Portland man went into shop snd
stumbled through his errand in this fashion:
"I want some white women's long-legged cot
ton stocking hose"
"A Texas lawyer has been found, forty
three years old, who never drank drop of ar
dent spirits or malt liquors, nor swore an oath,
nor belonged to church.
Gen. Howard and Gen. Hooker are dispu-
49,. ,bo,,t 81 raononc;h;1ifr Of 1ooipr hat
tie of Charlottesville. It strikes us Gen. Lee
had something to do with that
A shrewd little fellow, who had just begun
to study Latin, astonished his master by the
following translation: "Vir, man; gin, a
trap; Virgin, a man trap.
One false step, one wrong habit, one cor
rupt companion, one loose principle, may
wreck all your prospects, and all the hope, Of
those who love, honor and regard you.
= The local editor of an Indiana paper in
troduced quantity of carbolic acid into his
bedroom to drive away the mosquitoes, and
then-wept and slept in the woodshed.
An elderly maiden lady, hearing for the
first time that matches are made in heaven, de-
clareG that she didn't care straw how soon
she left this sinful world for a better land.
A box containing black bear was re-
ceived at an express Office in San Francisco the
other day ;7outside was this inscription: "Black
bare-Ef you don't want to get bit kepe your
fingers out of the crax."
1T wonder where those clouds are going"
sighed Flora, pensively, as she pointed, with
delicate finger, to the heavy masses that foated
in the sky. 81 think they are going to thun-
DER" said her brother.
An old man died in Pittsield, Mass, some
time ago, and his sister refused to be comforted
because she had no photograph of the dear
departed. Finally she determined to have one,
and accompanied by Photographer, went to
the tomb, stood the corpse up against the door,
and the photograph was taken.
At the opening of q breach of promise
case in Kentucky, the court asked the counsel
for the plaintiff how long the trial would prob
ably last. II can't say exactly" replied the
counsel, "but will mention as one item that
have three hundred and eighty -four love letters,
written by the defendant to my client, to
read"
Two young girls at boarding school, de-
votedly attached to one another, finding that
at the close of the term they were to be sepa-
rated, concluded to take poison and die togeth-
er rather than to live apart 1t was according
ly done, but discovered by the teacher, powerful
antidotes administered, and the girls lived.
Each accused the other of treachery, and after
a dreadful quarrel they separated the most Bit
ter and deadly enemies.
"A colored preacher at Sparta, Georgia,
some time ago, was heard to say in funeral
sermon of deceased br1dder, HE rumInates
no longer among us; ne have exonerated from
the syllogisms of this worlds discrimination,
and when he gifts to de cold dry stream OF the
River Jordin, the Kerosines and Periphens will
meet him dare to row him over on dry land to
the silyerstering city"
- Ladies some times do not value their hus-
bands as they ought. They not unfrequently
learn the value Of good husband for the first
time by the loss of him. Yet the husband is
the very roof-tree of the edifce-the keystone
called home. He is the bread winner of the
family-its defense and its glory-the beginning
and ending of the golden chain of life which
surrounds tits counsellor, lawgiver, ard its
king.
= A celebrated astronomer predicts that q
comet will Cross the orbit of the earth some
time in August. He thinks it very probable
that the earth will be several hundred thousand
miles away from that point about that time,
but for fear of g. mistake in his calculations,
we advise all our readers to act in such man
ner as not to have an unpaid printers bill
hanging to their consciences should an accident
occur.
"A truly Calvanistic old lady declares that
"total depravity is very good doctrine If you
only Hue up to it," Another says, she believes
in that blessed doctrine She knows she is to-
tally depraved from the crown of her head to
the sole of her foot, and she "thanks the Lord
for 1t" Of near kin to these dear old souls was
another who said "The Universalers believe
that everybody's going to be saved, but we hope
for better things"
= An artist is said to have painted our
Lords Supper, taking great pains with the cen
Him with the most delicate tracery. But when
his picture was put on exhibition, how great
was his chagrin when he saw the crowds alb
sorbed with the cup! He seized his brush,
dashed it out, and bade them Behold the Mas
terw Some sermons need the brush of piety
to hide the glittering baubles in them which
divert attention from the Master.
- 1t is now considered the thing for gen.
tleman to WEAR Dolly Vorden vest of the