The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-08-27
A Court Jester.

the name of his buffoon. A writer in
AU tie Year Round gathers up some well
authenticated stories of the jester's wit.
On one occasion Balakireff begged per-
mission of his imperial master to attach
himself to the guard stationed at the palace,
and Peter, for the sake of the joke, con-
sented-warning him at the same time that
any officer of the guard who happened to
lose his sword, or to be absent from his post
when summoned, was punished with death.
The newly-made officer promised to do his
best, but the temptation of some good
wine sent to his quarters that evening by
the czar, "to moisten his commission"
proved too strong for him, and he partook
so freely as to become completely "screw-
ed" While he was sleeping off his debauch,
Peter stole softly into the room and carried
off his sword Balakireff, missing it on
awakening, and frightened out of his wits
at the probable consequences, could devise
no better remedy than to replace the weap-
on with his own professional sword of lath,
the hilt and trapping of which were exact
ly similar to those of the guardsmen. Thus
equipped, he appeared on parade the next
morning, confident in the assurance of re-
naming undetected, if not forced to draw
his weapon. But Peter who had doubtless
foreseen this contingency, instantly began
storming at one of the men for his untidy
appearance, and at length faced round upon
Balakireff, said, "draw your sword and cut
that sloven down
The poor jester, thus brought to bay laid
his hand on his hilt as if to obey, but at
the same time exclaimed fervently, "Mer-
ciful heaven let my sword be turned into
wood !"
And drawing the weapon, he exhibited
indeed very harmless lath. Even the
presence of the emperor was powerless to
check the roar of laughter which followed,
and Balakireff was allowed to escape.
The jester's ingenuity occasionally serv-
ed him in extricating others from trouble
as well as himself, A cousin of his, having
fallen under the displeasure of the czar,
was about to be executed; and Balakireff
presented himself at the court to petition
for reprieve. Peter, seeing him enter
and divining his errand, shouted to him (:
Its no use your coming here; swear that
/ will not grant that which you are going to
ask ~
Quick as thought, Balakireh dropped
on his knees, and exclaimed, "Peter Alex
erevitch, beseech you to put that scamp
of cousin of mine to death p
Peter, thus caught in his own trap, had
no choice but to laugh, and sent a pardon
to the offender.
During one of the czar's Livonian cam
paigns, a thick fog greatly obstructed the
movements of the army. At length pale
watery CLEAN began to show itself through
the mist and two OF. the Russian officers
fell to disputing whether this was the sun
or not. Balakireff, happening to pass by
that moment, they appealed to him to de-
eide. "Is that light yonder the sun broth
err"
"How should know?" answered the
jester "I've never been here before -
At the enc of the campaign, several of
the officers were relating their exploits,
when Balakiref stepped in among them.
GIVE got story to tell, too,' cried he,
boastfully ; ga better one than any of yours
are ~
"Let us hear it, them" answered the
officers and Balalxireff began. n
81 never liked this way of fighting, all
in crowd together, which they have now
a-days it seems to me more manly for each
to stand by himself, and therefore / always
went out alone. Now it CHANGED that one
day, while accommodating close to the ene-
mics outposts, l suddenly espied Swedish
soldier lying on the ground just in front of
me! There was not moment to lose he
might start up and give the alarm. drew
my sword, rushed upon him, and at one
blow cut off his right foot p
"You fool % cried one Of the listeners,
"you should rather have cut off his head %
$50 would" answered Balakireff, with
grin, but somebody else had done that,
already
At times Balakireif pushed his waggeries
too far, and gave serious offense to his for
midable patron. On one of these occasions
the enraged emperor summarily banished
him from the court, bidding him "never to
appear on Russian soil again The jester
disappeared accordingly, but week had
hardly elapsed when Peter, standing at his
window, espied his disgraced favorite very
coolly driving cart past the very gates oi