Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1872-10-16
Humorous.


MILL dues-Wages of factory girls.
Why is the alphabet like cutting the
first teeth /? Because it is. taught yer
(torture) when young. @As
"WHAT have you to remark, mad
anne, about my singing? Nothing,
sir; it is not remarkable. !"
The Marquis of Butte is the principal
owner of the new line of steamers from
! Cardiff to New York VIII his sailors
be Butte Jacks?
MoHAMMED once said (" When
man dies, men inquire what he has left
behind him angels inquire what he
has sent before him, )"
LoR-A-MAssY, exclaimed the old
lady In the witness box, g how should
II know anything about thing dun
no anything about 2"
WHY would a deaf adder be good
collector of debts 7 Because she could
stop arrears. -.-.4.
If an egg could speak, what preserve
would it name 1t would say, "I'm
mamma laid !" rysvo.1 g04
WHY is coal the most contradictory
article known to commerce! Because,
when purchased, instead of going to
the buyer, it goes to the cellar.
BENEFITS of adyertislng-A gentle
man advertises for wife and received
answers from eighteen hundred and
ninety-seven husbands saying he could
have theirs. s...
JOSH BILLINGS say she he never knew
a dog of eny breed whatsumever to take
H. ,Ro Il, IL L 4
ly vaccinated with buckshots.
A KANSAS paper tells about man
who attempted to- steal a, public road
which ran through his farm. One of
the plainest cases of highway robbery
we ever heard OF.
81 SAY, Mick, what sort of potatoes
are those you're planting Raw
ones, to be sure; your honor wouldn't
be thinking I would plant boiled
ones -
A BACHELOR says that if you hand
lady newspaper with scrap cut out
of it, not line of it will be read, but
every bit of interest the paper posses
ses is centered in finding out what the
missing scrap contained.
THE conductors of Pittsburgh street
cars paste up notices that they cannot
wait for young ladies to kiss goodbye
when they part.
The servant of a Prussian officer one
day met crony, who inquired how he
got along with his fiery master. "Oh,
excellently," answered the servant
''we live on very friendly terms every
morning we beat each others coats
he takes his off to be beaten. and 7 keen
mine on. -
AN old carpenter who had been en-
ployed at Job work by an old lady, was
charged more in proportion for coffins
thau they did for chairs and tables
+" Well, you see ,ma'am, it's just because
people won't bring cofins back to us to
be repaired"
THE editor of religious paper saws:
I" We consume millions of gallons eff
distilled spirits annually We don't
believe him. There is no doubt that
he drinks to excess but if hegets on
the outside of two or three hundred
gallons annually, he is doing as much
as the rest of Louisville Journal.
A YOUNG lady who let her lips drop
on being spoken to tenderly by a young
gentleman, is anxious to recover them,
and offers a handsome reward for their
restoration. A nautical gentleman of
her acquaintance assures her that thew
cou d not have been properly dashed,
or they would not have been lost.
CHARLES LAMB, one afternoon, in re-
turning from dinner party, took his
oI
stout gentleman subsequently, looked
in and politely asked, s.All full in
side ~ ''Idon't knowihow itmay be,
sir, with the other passengers, answer
ed Lamb, 'fbnt that last piece of pie
did the business for me. - <ssis
JUDGE-I fine Tim Larry SIS FOR as
sault and battery on Pat Malone Pat
But your Honor, want more dam
ages. He BACKED me eye, and if I
had been invited to a. tea party. I
couldn't have gone Judge-The court
knows nothing about consequential
damages. You must carry your case
to Geneva. -s7r~ns ea-ta
THERE is man employed as q porter
on railway who brags of having a
watch that keeps correct time. He was
heard to remark, not many mornings
since, upon pulling out his watch, Eff
the sun amt over that hill in minute
and half, he will be too late.'
Mrs. STANTON says the willingness of
some women to g wait Tor their
g rights y is as ridiculous as was the
PRAYER of little woman III the Chicago
fire: 30 Father, give me patience to
wait for cup of tea until the fire is
out ~
WESTERN editor relates that he
once stopped at a restaurant IN Wash
inoton and. noticing that the waiter
was uneommonly sober. asked him if
he was sick. 4 g Yes, ;" very curtly, CT
= y, % What's the matter? ssWhv,
sir Washin'ton the wus place ever [
see. see When It's dry you can 't.see where
you're gwine, and when, it's wet you
can't go
A LADY, who had received a severe
bite on her arm from dog, went to
DIR. Abernethy, but hearing of his aver
sion to hear the statement of ,particu-
lars, she merely uncovered the Injured
part and held 1T before himin silence.
Alter examining it, he said, in an IN
quiring tone, Scratch 3" 6 Bite, 'said
the lady. Cat :" inquired the doctor.
(" Dog, rejoined the lady. So delight
ed was the doctor with the brevity. and
promptness of the lady's answers thai
he exclaimed, "Zounds, madam, you
are the most sensible woman [ have
met with in all my life ~