Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1872-06-06
Varieties.

once is as not as any oven" I" So it
should be, my lord" replied the lawyer,
Gas it is here that make my bread"
SEVERAL people who have answered
an advertisement promising " correct
likeness of yourself, and your fortune
told" for fifty cents, have received a
three-cent mirror, and informed that
they can tell their own fortune by count
ing their money.
THERE is an Englishman in New York
called Capt. Lahrbush, who has been
popularity supposed to be LOG years old.
The English papers took up his pedi
gree, and whit him down first to
100, then to 90, and then to sc. The
Detroit Tribune remarks that if they
keep on this way they will give the old
man good chance to die in his infancy.
" ARE the pictures which you brought
from Italy all landscapes? ?" said an
aatist one day to Mrs Boffin. "Lor'
bless you, no." replied the indignant
lady, "they're lie paintins."
A NEwsBoY having been garroted and
robbed in Jacksonville, H., the Chicago
Times says that highwaymen will be at
lacking reporters, soon, as those gentle
men stand next below newsboys in the
scale ofjournalstic opulence.
CARE you not alarmed at the approach
of the King of Terrors ?' said minister
living six and thirty years with the queen
of tesrors-the king cannot be much
worse"
A MAN who went to the Hartford
menagerie the other day, remarked to
person standing near: How / would
love to see one of those noble animals"
meaning the tigers, "roaming the
forests How quick would get up
treeW The man meant just what he
said.
DURING the war, an Irishman who
was posted with a musket on duty, and
had wandered little out of his position,
was accosted by an officer with, "What
are you here forr p "Faith, your honor
said Pat, with his accustomed grin Of
good humor, they told ms 1 am here
for century"
AGENTLEMAN named Dunlop remarked
that he had never heard his name
punned upon, and did not believe it
could be done. "There is nothing in
the world more easy, sir" remarked
t punster. "Just lop off half the name
, and it is Dun"
A NRwLY-marriea gentleman and lady
riding in chaise were unfortunately
overturned. A person coming to their
assistance observed it was a very shock
ing sight. every shocking, indeed"
$ replied the gedtleman, "to see alnewly-
4 married couple fall out so soon"
GWEN l get you in st. Louis, I'll
kill you," said aTexan desperate to a
cattle drover at Abilene. "Why not
! kill me here? ~ because they'd hang
d me here; but in St. Louis they'd think
# Twas insane, and let me CO."
A PHILOSOPHICAL Kentuckyian who
; was the envied possessor of one shirt,
$ while lying in bed awaiting its return
e from the line where it was Tapping in
solitary grandeur, was started by an ex-
y clamation from the better half of his
a bosom, to Jhe effect that " the calf had
n eaten it." To this he replied, with an
o. equanimity worthy of better cause
70 "Them who has must lose"
, Two neighbors living in Westchester
\. county had long and envenomed lti-
n CATION about small spring, which they
h both claimed. The Judge, wearied out
Il with the case, at last said: "What is
the use of making so much fuss about
a little water?" "Your Honor will
see the use of it," replied one of the
), lawyers, "when | inform you that the
;. parties are both milkmen ~ The roal
! of laughter which followed, proved that
- the entire audience saw the point.
rs AN Irishman in Paducah was fined in
le the City Court for some slight offence
d. and demanded a receipt for the money
p On being asked by the marshal why he
ct made such an unusual demand, he re
at piled, "Sure, when l die and presini
ID myself to St. Peter at the gate of heaven
in he will ask me: Pat K--have
a yees paid all yer debts? p Of course II
" say yes, yer Reverence Then ht
ne might say: where's the racaits p
e, and if l didn't have yees racait for thi
b. same, I'd have to 60 to yees in hi t.
it. get it," He didn't get the receipt.
The question at a country tea-party
turning on the improperly of mixing
up cake with pinch of snuff in the
fingers, lad remarked that he had seeI
Is, his mother do it, and never drop bi
RS of snuff Why, my son." said tn
ne lady," show can you lie SOP" well
OF mother" he replied, maybe you dit
-, ~ drop just little"
he BEEcHER, in the course of his sermon
bit last Sunday morning, referred to othe
alb sects, and to the temptation he wa
nd often under to publicly assail and cor
of denim their peculiar sentiments. Sal
of he: Howl could now give a blow to tn
e; Armenians" A stranger-doubtless
he good Methodist brother, in the CALLER
yle promptly said, in loud voice, " Tr
tie it Them Mr.. Beecher as promptly r.
ct piled, ~ love you TOO WE'LL
mt ,