Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1872-10-04
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A CULINARY BIRD-The cook-oo.

The LAST APPEAL-A snoeIhaheI
strike.
How MUCH cloth is required to- make
spiq5t-aorapper?
A VERY narrow aperture-The crack"
of whip.
NEVER write secrets with quill pen
it might split.
Culinary MEM.-How to serve din
ner properly; eat it.
If an egg could speak what preserve
would it name? 1t would say, 'pm mann
ma-laid"
81 DON'T remember ever having seen
YOU BEFORE" as the lawyer said to his
conscience.
WHY is the alphabet like cutting the
first teeth? Because it is taught yer tor
ture) when young.
WHAT is the difference between waltz
and a young widow? One is a giddy
whirl, and the other widdy-girl.
THE Marquis of Butte is the principle
owner of the new line of steamers from
Cardiff to New York. Will his sailors be
Butte Jacks?
YOUNG ladies who lace themselves too
tightly when dressing for dinner evident
ly prefer grace before meat.
GLORIA MASSEY" exclaimed the old lady
in the witness-box, chow should / know
anything about thing dunno anything
sabout?"
Two OLD and fat citizens of Richmond,
Va, recently got into a fight, but their
corpulency prevented either from reach
ing the other.
THE Pittsburgh Dispatch says: "The
Ohio River at New Orleans is lower than
for several years." How is the Missis-
sippi at Pittsburgh?
WHEN watchful wives in Louisville
see their husbands feet coming round
the corner, they light the fire and prepare
tea, for they know that the good men
will soon be home.
ONE of the amusements at a Chicago
picnic was to place silver dollar in a
dish containing about an inch of molasses,
and let a squad of boys compete in trying
to take out the piece with their teeth.
A NE1GHBoR fairly posed us the other
night by asking us the simple question,
"When is fish crazy?" and assured us it
was only when the aforesaid fish was in
seine.
THE students of Brown University
are said to be going wild on the subject
of singing societies. 1t is natural that
youths who are BrOwn-bred should join
the roll of those who practice their edo"
THE chief singer in a Danbury choir is
making a reputation for himself more en-
during than stencil plate. He can turn
q back handspring with his voice over
thirteen of the highest notes without
dropping his hat
WHEN a middle aged cOquette settled
down in wedlock with Mr.. Wake, Miss
Austen wrote
marie, good-humored and handsome and tall,
For a husband was at her last stake,
And having in vain danced at many ball,
Is now happy to jump at a Wake"
JUST HALF.-A gentleman named Dun
lop remarked that he had never heard his
name punned upon, and did not believe
it could be done. "There is nothing in
the world more easy, sir" remarked
punster "Just lop off half the name and
it is Dun"
THIS, we are told, happened in Canada:
"During a whirlwind at Bolton, on the
Missisquoi River, small boy fell upon the
ground and chung by his hands to the
roots of a sapling, while the wind lifted
his feet and legs into the air, and snapped
him to and fro like whip"
AN old carpenter who had been en-
ployed at job work by an old lady, was
asked why people of his trade always
charged more in proportion for collins
than they did for chairs and tables.
"Well, you see, ma am, it's just because
people won't bring collins back to us to
be repaired"
THE heat in Switzerland is reported to
have been intense during the past season.
Cattle have gone to their stalls at day
break for shelter and the danger from
avalanches has been so intensified that,
warned by instinct, the cnamois of the
mountains left their precarious haunts,
and mingled with domestic herds in the
valleys.
A GENTLEMAN did not always agree
with his wife; nor she with him. On one
occasion she summoned a physician, de-
claring that her husband had poisoned
her. The husband loudly protested his
innocence, and offered as cllncher this
test "Doctor, open her, right here on the
spot. I'm willing"
A Poor but pious young man apollo
gized the other evening while making
ing he had not taken iaHEs Ct Gar his boots say
He was grieved when the lovely being
whom he adores inquired why he didn't
task Mr.. Economy in"
A YOUNG man in Danbury, Conn, has
just made the discovery that he has mar
-ried left handed woman. Ali his but
tons are sewed on the wrong side. He
manages to get along as far as the rest of
the garments are concerned; but when he
dOns clean shirt he has to lay down on
his back and lash his right hand to the
bed post. He is afraid he will have to
use shoestrings.
A TITUSvIILE, Pa. wife placed toy
snake in her husbands boot the other
morning, and then could hardly get
breakfast because of her snickering at his
performances when he discovered it. He
first looked in the mirror, then went and
threw his demijohn of old rye into the
mill race. He drank thirteen cups of
coffee at breakfast, and for several even
ings afterward astonished his children by
going to bed at nine o'clock each night.
PERHAPS the strangest domestic pet
ever heard of was recently exhibited at
the meeting of the British Association by
Sir John Lubbock. 1t was a tame
wasp, which had been in his possession
for about three months. 1t now ate sugar
from his hand and allowed him to stroke
it. The wasp ha6 every appearance of
health and happiness; and although it en-
joyed an "outing" occasionally, it readily
returned to its bottle, which it seemed to
regard as home.
THE credit system has been carried to
a very fine point in some of the rural dis
tricts, if we may judge from the following
dialogue, said to have recently occurred
between customer and the proprietor:
"Haow's trade, Square?" "Wa'al, cash
trades kinder dull now, Major. Betsey
Nipper has bort an eggs worth of tea,
e. e hor loI