The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1872-07-19
Miscellaneous.
PERKINS HAS TIE TOOTHACHE.

IEhhiNS HAS IuE IOUIHACHEs
When 1 went to bed last night ap-
pretended trouble. Along one side
the left one-occasionally capered a
grumbling sensation. 1t kept me awake
an hour or so, trying to determine
whether that was all there was of 1t, or
whether there was something to come
after that which would need my wake
full presence to contend against. Thus
pondering 1 fell asleep and forgot all
about the trouble. l don't know how
slept, but fell to determining that 1
had made match, for SjS side, to
fight crosscut saw in steam mill,
and was well to work on the job when
the saw got my head between its teeth.
l thought it was a favorable time to
wake up, and did so. II Immediately
transpired that 1 might better have
stayed where 1 was and taken the
chances with the saw.
I found myself sitting straight up in
bed, with one hand spasmodically grasp
ing my jaw, and the other swaying to
and fro without any apparent cause.
1t was an awful pain. 1t bored like
lightning through the basement of my
jaw, darted across the roof of my mouth
and then ran lengthwise of my teeth.
If every pang had been drunken plow
chased by demon across stump lot,
think the observer would understand
my condition. I could no more get
hold of the fearful agony that was
cavorting around in me than l could
pick up piece of wet soap when in a
great hurry.
Suddenly it stopped. 1t went, CIV
ing me a parting kick that fairly made
me howl.
1 thought was rid of the toothache,
but "A grumbling set in the next morn.
ing. 1t was just like the feeling of the
night before,and still small voice said
to me, Look out, Perkins,
l did. 1 went right away to the den.
tist who has pulled the teeth of our
family and knew our peculiarities.-
There was an unusual smell about his
office; it was very suggestive of trouble,
and as J. snuffed it in l experienced
sinking feeling in the pit of my stom-
ach. / looked at him and sickly smiled.
He was never, even on a holiday, the
handsomest of men, but now his ap-
pearance was very, very depressing.
He looked like corpse with lighted
candle inside of it.
/ told him what the matter was with
me; how had been up all night with
four story pain; how my wife had
been thrown out of bed by the violence
of my suffering how
He asked me if l wouldn't sit down.
l sat down on what was once hogs
head, but now cut down and newly
carpeted. He held back my head,
opened my mouth, and went to fish.
ing around inside with piece of watch
spring.
And while he angled he conversed.
Said he:
you have caught q terrible hard
cold.'
Il have.'
1T seems the trouble is with one of
the bicuspids.'
OF course / didn't know what a BIZ
cuspid was, but thought it wouldn't
look well In the head of the family be-
ing stuck with so short word as that !;
so 1 asked him with some vigor:
(which one?'
THE humorous one,' said he.
'I'm glad it amt worse / replied
with a sigh of relief.
'The frontal bone is not seriously af-
fected; the submaxillary gland is some.
what enlarged, but 1t does not neces-
sarily follow that parotitus will ensue. )
Tam proud to hear that, said / which
/ certainly was, although, If the paroti-
tus had ensued, it is not likely that l
should have minded it much, unless it
was something that would spoil, as l
was dressed up in my best.
lie kept on taking an angling.
THE msophagus amt loose,' he re-
marked.
'Ah ! said l, winking at him.
'Oh, no, ligaments ere quite firm. l
might say
'Did it hurt you p he asked, as cool
and calm as the lid Of an ice cream
freezer.
Hurt me! Great Heavens! Did
you expect to split me open with a
watch spring and not hurt me? What
was the matter-did you slip2
Certainly not" he said, Il was Just
getting hold Of the tooth. Just hold
your head back an instant, and will
have ii out at once.'
Il guess won't try 1t again., said ]
with shiver. The toothachel is bad
enough, but it is heaven alongside OF
that watch spring. You may come up
sometime and pull 1t when amt At
home. / think l could endure the
operation If it was Off about eight
blocks. Come up when you can.'