The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1872-12-20
LIVELY.
Generally speaking-Women.

Generally speaking-Women.
u He who talks, sows; he VIII
. listens, reaps.
1t is said that the washerwomel
are getting up "wring."
doctor, is tight lacing injuri
Gus" "Of corset is, madam"
Humboldt boasts of a girl with
switch nine feet long. It is false.
a loving swain in Maine dedi
Gated napkin ring ITO my almos'
wife,
A Memphis bridal party wa!
drawn around town the other day
by eight negroes.
Marriage-An altar on which 6
man lays his pocket-bOok, and &
woman her love letters.
The meanest thief in Kansas Il
the one who stole the grave digging
tools from the Junction City GENE
terry.
| The Solomon City Newspaper
thinks George Francis Train ought
to have about q pint OF buckshot in
each ear. .
Michigan is reYiving through her
borders the old-feshioned spelling
lschooIs, to eonateract the decline in
mattimony.
The first exclamation of an Amer
lean belle on entering the cathedral
ct Milan, was "Oh, what church to
get married in!" ...r
DR.. Onthank, in his advice to
young men, says: "If you doubt
whether to kiss pretty girl give
her the benefit of the doubt"
The profits of the manufacturers
Of Massachusetts, were $102, 600, 600
in 1870, or about $68 per capita.
The wages amounted to SlS,OOO,-
600.
Women are declared to be the
most honest in positions of trust.
They've got no women to steal
money for-that's what's the mat
ter.
a faithful brother in one of our
churches prayed Sunday for the abb
sent members 'twho were Frustrated
on beds of sickness and chairs of
wellness."
Josh Billings says he never
knew a dog of emmy breed what
sumever to take hydrofoby after
he had been thoroughly vaccinated
with Suckshot.
A newly elected squire, at Keo-
kuk, has made his own marriage
service. It concludes: "Suffer little
children to come unto them, and
forbid them not"
The King of Saxony has publish
ed eleven sumptuously printed
works, mostly trsnslations from the
italian and Spanish. None of these
books paid expenses.
An English traveller says: "Put
an American baby, six months
old, on its feet, and it will imme-
diately say, MIR. Chairman, and
call the next cradle to order"
Two drunken men playfully
pointed pistols at each other in
AOOAuA 86lSOhS hO "AIAOW
under which one of them sleeps
waves mournfuIly i'll the winter
breeze.
The reason an urchin gave for
being late at school Monday, was
that the boy in the next house was
going to have q dressing down with
o bed cord, and he waited to hear
him howl.
The st. Louis Globe ISLANDERS
Terre Haute maidens, thusly: "a
Terre Haute girl exclaimed, when
she saw . Thomas feline elevate his
back: ttOhl wouldn't he make
lovely hustle 2"
Some young ladies of aashy ten.
denotes as to dress, are wearing
belts of gilt metal. Some one sug-
gests that they wish to show their
fondness for music by wearing brass
bands round their waists.
A woman attacked burglar,
threw him down stairs and broke
his neck. She fancied that she had
gone too far, though, she explained
that she thought it was her husband
coming home tipsy again.
Michael German, of Pontiac,
Michigan, has died from the effects
of over-eating, in spite of the
warning of the Disguised doctor,
who said, IF you will gormandize,
why, German dies, that's ALL
Two convicts were pardoned by
the Governor of Massachusetts, on
Thanksgiving day, according to
custom. One had been imprisoned
thirteen years for arson. He Just
missed a treat in the Boston fire.
Louis Ratisbonne, the French
poet, is an acrimonious letter to
Victor Hugo, says: "Can you deny
that you have injured our literature
by running, az you have done, at
least dozen enterprising publish
ing houses ?"
Olive Logan says: 81 am not
tickle but do you know that when
ever I get beau and come to like
him find another man 1 like bet
ter p We do not doubt it but how
does Mr., Spikes conduct himself on
these occasions? --
An Alabama editor mildly aliudes
to HE rival as reservoir of false
hood and an aqueduct of men
dacity )" whereupon his rival retorts
by referring to his contemporary as
a "bottomless pit of infamy and an
earthquake of blasphemy."
The city editor of the Indian
apolis Sentinel speaks of the
sprightly lunatic who presides over
the city department of the journal.
The Journal retorts by a gentle al
fusion to the idiotic wanderer tenn
porarily roosting on the local col
ums of the Sentinel.
A Boston gentleman who could
not waltz, offered young lady
800 if she would let him hug her
| as much as the man did who had
| Just waltEed her. 1t was q good
offer, and showed that the money
was no object to him, bnt they put
him out of the house SO hard that
his eyes were quite black.
'tNow, John, suppose there's a
load of hay on one side of the
| river and a jackass on the other,
and no bridge, and the rivers too
wide to swim, how can the jackass
get to the hayY 81 give it up"
s'Well, that's just what the other
jackass did"
A young man, who had run the
| funny department of a Texas agri-
cultural paper, made application to
the managing editor of the Chicago
Inter Ocean, the ether day, for .
position on the stan of that humor.
Gus journal, and imagine the horror
of the youth when he was employed
and assigned the position of CLASH
tying advertisement