davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune., 1872-06-14
THE RIVERSIDE PARK.
yuE ESTIMATE OF STREET -cLEANiNG nn E1,'''''

Tbs numerous gross inaccuracies in these estimates appear the
,fca copy Of the hgures-kDl
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-02-23
A Good Joke.

Henry Clay never liked to sec
dumb animals abused or worried
When he was at Washington, q
very large, and somewhat noted
billy goat roamed the streets, and
the newspaper boys, boot blacks,
and street imps, generally, made
common cause against him. On
one occasion, while the statesman
was passing down the avenue, a
large crowd of these mischicvous
urchins were at their usual sport.
Mr.. Clay, with his walking stick,
drove them away, giving them a
sound lecture in the meanwhile
AS they scampered off and scatter
ed in all directions, Billy, seeing nc
ono but Mr.. Clay within reach,
made charge on him. Mr.. Clay
dropped his cane, and caught his
goatship by the horns. The goat
would rear up, being nearly as high
AS the tall Kentuckian himself; and
the latter would pull him down
agsin. This kind Of sport soon be-
came tiresomc, and he could con
ceivc Of no way by which he could
FREQ himself from the two-horncd
dilemma, SO in his desperation he
sang out to the boys to know what
to do. One of the smallest in the
crowd shouted back: "Let 60 and
run, you old fool!" And tho digni-
fed statesman had to do it.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-02-23
A Word with Clerks.

The 44urora Borealis will, with
out doubt, be read by many thous-
and clerks throughout the United
States, for clerks are reading class
and we give them word of counsel
to help them on the road to happi-
ness and prosperity. TO be good
business man you must cultivate the
loftiest integrity, even in connection
with the smallest matters. Never
appropriate one cent of your en-
ployer's money or property to your
own use. Deal with honorable ex-
.actness toward all who trade with
you; eschew all business lies in sell
ing goods. If, in measuring or
weighing an article, you discover
defects which lessen its value,
boldly make them known. Do not
permit dishonest employer to com
pei you to be his instrument-his
tool for doing wrong. Prosecute
your daily tasks with the same care
tul diligence in the absence as in
the presence of your employer, thus
proving that you are no eye-serv-
ant.
Should you, my dear young friend,
have been in the habit ofpurloining
your employers cash, stop short!
You are on the road to disgrace and
ruin. Look upon your employers
cash as plaguc-sorc, that, bat
touched, would be your utter ruin.
Do not be scduced, then, into fault
of this nature on any condition
whatever. BE frugal of your own
money, be Industrious, choose good
company, and remember, while you
are subordinate agent, your en-
ployer is entitled to the benefit OF
all your virtues.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-02-23

it. He has only recently come to a
world that is full of good things to
eat, and there is, on the whole, a
very short time in which to eat
them; at least, he is told, among
the first informations he receives,
that life is short. Life being brief,
and pie and the like flecting, he
very soon decides upon an active
campaign. 1t may be an old story
to people who have been eating for
forty or fifty years, but it is differ
ent with the beginner. He takes
the thick and the thin as it comes,
as in pie, for instance. Some peo-
pie do make them very thin. I
knew place where they were no
thicker than poor mans plaster;
they were spread 50 thin on the
crust that they were better fitted to
draw out hunger than to satify it.
They used to be made up by the
great oven full, and kept in dry
cellar, where they are hardened
and dried to a toughness you would
hardly believe. This was long
time ago, and they make the pump
kin pie in the country better now,
or the race of boys would have been
SO discouraged that I think they
would have stopped coming into
the world.-C. d. Warner.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-02-23

back street at 9 o'clock, and entered
the theatre by the back door. l
stumbled my way in the dark among
the ranks of canvass scenery and
stood on the stage. The house was
gloomy and silent, and its emptiness
depressing. went into the dark
among the scenes again, and for an
hour and half gave myself up to
the horrors, wholly unconscious of
everything else. Then l heard a
murmur; it rose higher and higher,
and ended in crash, mingled with
cheers. 1t made my hair rise, it
was so close to me and 81 loud.
There was pause, and then another;
presently came third, and before
l we'll knew what / was about was
in the middle of the stage, staring
at a sea of faces, bewildcrcd by the
fierce glare of lights, and quaking
in every limb with a terror that
seemed like to take my life away.
The house was full-aisle and all!
The tumult in my heart, and
brain, and legs continued full
minute before I could gain any com
mand over myself Then l rccog-
nized the charity and the friend
liness in the faces before me, and
little by little my fright melted
away, and l began to talk. With
in three or four minutes | was COM
Portable and even content. My
three chief allies, with three auxil-
iaries, were on hand, in the par
quettc, all sitting together, all arm
ed with bludgeons, and all ready to
make an onslaught upon the feeb-
lest joke that mi ght show its head.
And whenever a joke did fall, their
bludgeons came down and their
faces seemed to split from ear to
ear. Sawyer, whose hearty coun-
tenance was seen looming rcdly in
the centre of the second circle,
took it up and the house was carried
handsomely. Inferior jokes never
Jared so royalty before. Presently
l delivered bit Of serious matter
with impressive JUNCTION, Git was
my pet, and the audience listened
with an absorbed hush that gratified
me more than any applause: and as
I dropped the last word Of the
clause | happened to turn and catch
Mrs. IS intent and waiting eye;
my conversation with her flashed
me, and in spite of all l could do l
smiled. She took it for the signal,
and promptly delivered mellow
laugh that touched off the whole
audience. and the explosion that
followed was the triumph Of the
evening! I thought that that honest
man Sawyer would choke himself;
and as for the bludgeons, they per-
formed like pilc-drivers. But my
poor little morsel of pathos was
ruined. 1t was taken in good faith
as an intentional joke, and the prize
one ofthe entertainment; and l wise
ly let it go at that.
All the papers were kind il the
morning; my appetite returned; |
had abundance of money. "All's
we'll that ends WE'LL"
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-02-23
Professor Tyndall and the Boys.

Professor Tyndall-best Of all
living savans for making the truths
Of science familiar to the mean
est understanding - signalized the
Christmas anniversary in London
by talk to the boys. A corrcspon-
dent says of him:
DR.. Tyndall, talking to boys, is
more like an older and better-in-
formed boy than the others chatting
with. them, than ] thought it possi-
BILE for professor to have been,
while his illustrations and asides
take his address completely out Of
the dull and dry category, and put
his young audience completely at
their ease. Why, he lit a cigar in
one of his experiments, and posi-
lively smoked it for a second or two;
telling us all that when he did the
same thing some years ago at Cam
bridge he astonished the dons there
very much. ~ don't suppose any
one had ventured to light cigar in
the Cambridge Senate house BEFORE"
remarked the Professor, "and the
great people assemble in it looked
as if they thought l oughtn't to have
taken the liberty.'' This, said
while cigar is being lit, and as a
prelude to it's being put between
the professional lips and puffed at,
delighted the boys and girls. One
Professor outraging the convention
al susceptibilities Of other Profess
ors, and telling the story as good
joke, is just the thing to hit boy-na-
ture, and if DR.. Tyndall had wanted
volunteers for desperately forlorn
hope yesterday, my opinion is he
might have counted upon half the
lads present.
Again, when explaining the pro-
cess by which frost and snow had
been produced on one OF the vessels
before him, and seraping the snow
from its sides, the lecturer won all
hearts. "There's more snow than
expected to-find; enough, you see,
to make SNOWFALL; and if l were
very wicked, could actually doing
it) make a SNOWFALL out of what is
here, and pelt Mr.. Blank (the lee
turer's assistant with it," Pro-
fessor Tyndall suited the action to
the words, and, having compressed
the snow until it was hard and
compact, took elaborate aim at the
gentleman assisting him (whose
back was turncd,) and sent the
SNOWFALL spinning past him and
within a foot of his head. 1t may
be imagined how the boys roared
at this; and, though these illustra-
tons were exceptional, the pleasant
friendly, and familiar manner and
speech maintained throughout were
equally noteworthy, as were the sur
prising pains taken to follow each
chain Of reasoning fairly out. The
boy or girl who fails to master the
principles of what is being put be-
fore him at the Royal Institution
must be singularly obtuse.
Some of the grave and reverend
professors Of science in this country
might usefully study this lesson.
They talk quite over the heads of our
boys; but American lads would be as
willing as the English to be so pleas
antly instructed and entertained.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-02-23
Big Sunday Dinners.

A Sundays dinner is made the
most sumptuous meal Of the week
in great many households, and the
guests retire from the table more
like gorged anacondas than intel
lectual human beings, with the re-
suit that during the whole afternoon
there is such an amonnt of mental,
physical and religious sleepiness, if
not actual stupidity, that no duties
whatever are performed with alacri-
ty, efficiency, and acceptableness.
The Sunday dinner made Of a cup
of hot tea, some bread and butter,
with a slice of cold meat, and abso-
lutely nothing else, would be wiser
and better for all; it would give
the servants more leisure, the appe-
tite would be as completely salts
fed half an hour aftcrward, while
body brain and heart would be in
a fitting condition to perform the
duties of the Sabbath with pleasure
to ourselves, with greater efficicucy
to others, and doubtless with larger
acceptance to Him toward whom
all our service is due.-HaA's Jour
nal Of Health.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-02-23
From Longfellow's .'Nayside Inn.
THE MUSICIAN.

Last the Musician, ~ he stood 5t
Illumined by the nre Of wood;
Fair haired, blue eyed. his aspect blithe,
His figure tall and straight and 1.-THE.
And every feature Of his face 3.
Revealing his Norwegian race;
A radiance streaming nom within,
Around his eyes and forehead beameds
The Angel with the violin,
Painted by Raphael, he seemed.
He lived in that ideal world
Whose language IL not speech, but song;
Around him ever more the thrOng
The Str0mkarl sang, the cataract hurled
Its headlong waters from the height;
And mingled In the wild delight
The scream of sea. birds In their flight
The murmur Of the forest trees,
The plunge Of the implacable seas,
The tumult Of the wind at night,
Voices Of old, like trumpets blowing,
Old ballads, and wild melodies
Through mist and darkness pouring forth,
Like Elivagar's river flowing
Out of the glaciers Of the North.
The instrument on which he played,
Was in Cremona's workshops made,
By great master of the past,
Ere yet was lost the art divine;
Fashioned of maple and of pine,
That in TyrOlian fOHes vast,
Had rocked and wrestled with the blast;
Exquisite was 1t In design,
Perfect in each minutest part,
A marvel of the lutist'e art;
And In it's hollow chamber, thue,
The maker from whose hands 1t came
Had written his nnrivalled name .
"Antonius StrAdivafiur."
And when he played, the atmosphere
Was filled with with magic, aud the car
Caught echoes of that harp of Gold,
Whose music had SO weird a sound
The hunted stag forgot to bound,
The Ieaping rivulet backward rolled,
The birds came down from bush and tree,
The dead came from beneath the sea,
The maiden to the harper's knee!
The music ceased; the applause was loud,
The pleased musician smiled and bowed:
The wood fire clapped Its hands of fame,
The shadows on the wainscot stirred,
And from the harpslchord there came
A ghostly murAiur of acclaim,
A sound like that sent down at night
BY birds of passage in their flight
From the remOteat distance heard.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-02-23
Mr.. Beecher's School Days.

Standing on the platform a t
Plymouth church Sunday morning,
with basket of fragrant flowers on
each side of him, folding the arms
and facing the immense congrega-
ton, Henry Ward Beecher said:
"That man who condemns a fel-
low mortal for his sinful conduct,
and says it serves him right when
overtakeu by the law, and that it is
all nonsense to pity him, is most
arrant sinner himself. There is no
man living who cannot be made to
in in some manner or other" He
spoke of the effects Of kindness in
rebuking, and said that parents
erred greatly in their manner of
correcting the transgressions of
children. Kindness, he said, alone
was needed.
"When l threw spit balls at my
school teacher" said Mr.. Beecher,
''and often to my great regret
missed him, l was brought up for
chastiscment. l stood like an In
dian. | was considered a hero by
the other boys, and marched to my
seat in triumph. Had the man
spoken to me kindly and told me of
his desire to educate me properly,
there would have been more quiet
in that school-room. When a child
enters a pantry in the absence of it's
mother or the other guardian, and
sees, smells, and tastes a doughnut,
which in all well regulated families
is considered forbidden fruit, and
is discovered, its first impulse is to
deny the otfensc. 1t is not strong
enough to bear the burst ofpassion,
and seek to avoid the stroke. How
much better would. it be for the
mother or father to tenderly caress
the child and talk to it kindly con-
ccrning the misdemeanor. TIL e
child would hang its head in shame
and probably never commit a sim
liar act"
When Mr.. Beechcr placed him
self in an attitude which seemed
plainly to Indicate a knowledge of
the manly art, and said: 81 am of
very cxcitablc and combatablc dis
position, and my first impulse is to
strike out" the staid portion of the
congregation were aghast, but when
he mildly said "but as grow older,
l have less disposition to do SO, !"
the frownS diSannearod
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-02-23
Boys and Pumpkin Pies.

What John said was, that he
didn't care much for pumpkin pie;
but that was after he had eaten a
whole one. 1t seemed to him that
mince would be better. The feel
ing Of a boy toward pumpkin pie
has never been properly considered.
There is an air Of festivity about
its approach in the fall. The boy
is willing to help pare and cut up
the pumpkin, and he watches with
greatest interest the stirring-up
process and the pouring into the
scalloped crust. When the sweet
SAVIOR Of the baking reaches his
nostrils, he is filled with the most
delightful anticipations. Why
should he not be? He knows that
for months to come the buttery will
contain golden treasures, and it
will require only a slight ingenuity
to get. at them. The fact is, the
boy is as good in the buttery as in
any para Of farming. His elders
say that the boy is always hungry;
but that is very coarse way to but
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-02-23
AnecdOte of Professor Stowe.

An exchange gives the following
amusing anecdote of Prof. Stowe,
husband of Mrs. Harriet Beecher
Stowe:
While visiting little town in
Massachusetts, last summer, Prof.
Stowe desired friend to secure a
horse and vehicle to take himself
and wife to a town nine miles dis
tant, where he desired to consult
some genealogical records. His
friend said he would do his best,
but there were no decent turn-outs
in the village. A little in advance
of the hour appointed, DR.. Stowe
noticed a phaton at the door of his
host, and hastily summoning his
wife, entered it and started on his
journey. TO his surprise, the horse
was very fleet one, and the pha-
ton exquisite, with silk and satin
Innings, ivory finishings, and easy
springs. Bowling along on his
journey, the doctor expressed great
delight, and announced his inten-
tion Of securing the establishment
for the season. Arriving at his
destination he fastened the horse
and went to work upon the dusty
records at the town hall. He had
been thus engaged for nearly an
hour, when he was suddenly inter-
ruptcd by the abrupt entrance of
his host at the town from whence he
started,who exclaimed: "Dr. Stowe,
have You been stealing horse and
phaton?" To the astonishcd doc
tor it was then revealed that he had,
by mistake, taken the establishment
OF 4 ncwlymarricd Episcopal clcr-
gyman, who had come to call upon
the DOCTORS host, and who was as
tonished on leaving, to find hs beau
tiful turn-out-a wedding present
gone, and replaced by an old, worm
out horse and chaise that had been
brought there by the livery-stable
keeper for DR.. Stowe. A stern
chase ensued, but the doctor was
not captured until he had reached
his destination, as stated, whence,
after mutual explanations, he drove
home in the old chaise. The COM
ment Of the Episcopal clergyman
on tho case was: "This comes, DR..
Stowe, of not attending the church
where the commandments are road
every Sunday"
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-02-23
SIGN OF
The Big 81 Hat at I!

AS the sign denotes, it is tru-
ly a Hat Store, both for Ladies
and Gents. Every person who
visits Independence is familiar
with Turner's Millinery and Fur
nishing Goods Store. Last spring
they added to their stock in the
shape of Gents Hats and Fur
nishing Goods, making it truly
Hat Store. We say it (and
without boasting), that we have
as large and as fine an assort-
ment as can be found in any
store of our class of goods west
of Chicago.
To the Ladies as usuaD, we
solicit a share of your patronage.
To the Gents-remember it is
truly, surely, and the only Hat
Store in tho city. Our Facility
and Experience for purchasing
stock is second to none; expen-
ses small consequently our
prices we guarantee.
Remember the place, The
Sign of the Big Hat.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-02-23
Wonderful Trenk Of Nature.
From the Williamsburg, (Pa.) Guzett

AAoiH tiic \IiJ ONZette.
Among the passengers on the
train bound south, last evening, was
man born and raised in the coun-
.ty Of Otsego, New York. His name is
William Jacobs. He prides himself
on three well developed arms and
hands, the member extraordinary
having grown above the right shoul-
der blade.
1t hangs suspended down the
back, and can be raised and lower
ed at will. In length, it is shorter
than the arms proper, but possesses
extraordinary muscle, which he
displays whenever occasion de-
mands it. No person passing
through a railroad car, or meeting
him upon the street, would observe
any deformity, but after becoming
cognizant Of this singular case,
would observe a peculiar fit of his
coat.
He states that he has often been
questioned as to why he does not
place himself upon exhibition, or
become one of Barnum's permanent
attractions. His invariable reply
is that he is averse to public exhi-
bitions. His father being wealthy
farmer, he had always preferred to
remain at home, and was the most
active and profitable of his fathers
help. He would assist in loading
hay, and at the same time hold Sc
curcly the horses reins. On sever
al occasions he came near breaking
this unnatural member by sudden
falls, and at one time suffered the
pangs of a ull-grown felon upon
the forefinger.
On one occasion, when about
eighteen, the village boys thought
they would have a little sport at
''Three-arms'" expense, and COM
menced system of blackguardism,
followed by bold attacks upon his
person. Forbearance ceased to be
a virtue, and throwing off his loose
garments, he went at them in true
pugilistic style, arm number three
performing its duty nobly, and ap-
parcntly outrivaling numbers one
and two. At the end of the skir-
mish, six PROSTATE villagers told
what fierce opponent they had
met. 'Three-arms" gained noto-
riety, and never afterward was per-
secuted on account of his deformity.
AT the outbreak of the rebellion he
joined New York regiment, and
so distinguished himsclfby bravery,
that he was finally promoted to
Captain, and ranked as the best
drill officer of the regiment to which
he was attached. At the close of
the war he returned to the farm,
and has since remained there. He
is now en- route for the South, to
visit sister somewhere in the in
terror of North Carolina. It may
be query with some, how he could
use his arm it'll the proper cloth
ing upon his body. All his gar
ments, intended for laboring suits,
were so made as to open upon the
back, and closed by buttoning the
same as child's apron. He is
truly wonder. Being a maA of
fine conversational powers, an inter-
view with him is especially agreea-
bic, and he relates many pleasing
anecdotes Of himself with great
relish
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-02-23
A Mysterious Skeleton Clock.

A matchmaker in an Illinois town
has constructed peculiar time
piece, and the local Journal descri-
bes it as follows:
1t is simply dial,plate with two
hands-an hour hand and a minute
hand. The dial is "a inches in
diameter, with large opening in
the centre. The minute hand is
twelve inches in length, and the
hour hand nine and a half inches,
fastened in the center of the dial
upon small pivot. That is all that
can be seen looking at it. BY look
ing closely on the large ends of the
hands, or ends toward the centre of
the dial, and on the reverse side,
you will see what appears to be
weights, intended to balance the
hands, but which in reality contain
the secret Of the movements Of the
hands. Within these small" weights y
arc miniature works like those of a
small watch, strong enough to con-
troll the large hands. Aperson may
whirl the hands until they shall
spin around like top, but each will
invariably return to its proper
place, and indicated the time ofday
correctly. ..g. ,a
The hands may be taken off and
laid away for and hour, or two
hours, or ten, or any length Of time,
and upon being replaced upon the
pivot they will instantly point the
precise hour and minute. There is
no electricity or anything Of that
sort. The dial hangs by a tiny hook
from a nail. 1t may be suspended
by string, or held in the hand, and
the movements Of the hands are all
the same. The hands do not move
with the regularity and precision of
those of a regulator, but the correct
time Of day is always indicated, and
when the hands of the regulator, or
any properly regulated clock, are
upon the figures Or minute marks,
those of this strange timepiece will
will agree exactly. 1t is really a
remarkable piece of workmanship,
and excites much comcnt. Nothing
is seen by looking at it or cxamin-
ing it, save the rim Of the dial and
the hands. That is all; and when
they move so correctly and mark
the time Of day it seems rs though
some unseen spirit must represent
and impel their movements.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-02-23
DIR. SIMMONS
Liver Regulator,

A preparation of roots and herbs, warranted to
be strictly vegetable, and can do no injury to any
one.
1t has been used by hundreds, and known for
40 years one of the most reliable, eticacieus
and harmless preparations ever offered to the
suffering. If ftalen regularly and persistently 1t
il sure to cure