The Huntington argus. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1872-1905, 1872-07-20
COUSIN sALLuE BILLIARD.
ny HAMILTON c. yoNRs

ian-h over Its exquisite ridicuiousne-s we
Will give il - start again:
Scene-A court of justice in )uth Car
DINA
A beariless disciple OF rhemis arises and
thus addresses the court: "Nlay it please
your worship aud you gentlemen OF the
jury, since it has been my fortune GOOD
or bad will not say) 10 exercise myself 10
leiai dl-quisition. IL has never befalleu me
TO prosecute SO direiully marked an as
sauit A more wilful, violent and danger
GUS battery, and finally more diabolical
breach OF the peace, mas seldom happened
/ IN civilized country, and dare saw il
seldom has been Your duty 10 pass upon
one so shocking TO benevolent feelings, as
this which took place oser at Captain
Rice's in this county; but YOU will hear
I from the witnesses. -
! The witnesses being sworn, two or three
were sworn aud deposed: One said that he
I heard the noise but did not see the fight;
another that lie was very drunk and could
not say much about the scrimmage.
/ Lawyer thops-l am sorry, gentlemen.
TO have occupied your time with the stu
pldity of the witnesses examined Ii ari--
es, gentlemen, altogether from misappre.
hension on my part Had known as |
now do, that | had witness who was ac-
quainted with all the circumstances OF the
case and who was able to make himself
clearly understood 10y the court aud Jury,
! should not have trespassed SO long upon
your patience. Come forward, Mr.. Iiar-
'ris, aud be sworn.
/ So forward comes the witness, fat.
chufly old man, II "leetle' corned, and took
his oath with AN air.
ChoFs-Iiarris, we wish You tell us
about the riot that happened the other duy
at Captain Ricr's aud as Il good deal of
I time has already been wasted in crcumlo.
cution, we wish you to Ice compenduous
at the same time as explicit as possible.
/ Harris-Adzacly giving the lawyer a
knowing wink and at the same liie clear
/ ing his throat). Captain Rice, he gin Il
/ treat, and cousin Salle billiard she comes
/ over and axes me il nv wife she moutn't
20. | told cousin Salie billiard my wife
was poorly, being as how she had had a
touch OF rheumatics in the hip, and the biz
swamp was up in the road, there having
been good deal OF rain lately but howso.
ever. as it was she cousin Salie billiard
my wife mout 90 Well, cousin SalIie Dill
lard she then aXed me if Nose he MOUNT
20? told cousin Sallie billiard that he
was the foreman OF the crap, aud the crap
was smartly In the grass, but howsoever.
a. it was she, cousin Sallie billiard, Nose
/ lie mout 20.
/ Chops-ln the name ofcommon sense.
Mr.. Harris, what do you mean 10y this rig
maole2
Wituess-Ca plain Rice he gin treat,
Gul cousin Ss.iic Diliard she came over 10
bay house and uXed me ii my wife she
moa'r 90? aud told cousin Salie Dill
Ihops-Stop, sir, if YOU please; We don t
want TO hear about your cousin Salhe Dill
lard or your wife, tell us about the fight at
Rice :.
Witness-We!l, will sir, if you will let
Chops-Well, sir, 90 on.
Witness-Well. sir. CAPTAIN Rice he gin
treat, and cousin Sallie Dillarl she come
over To my house and axed me If my wife
she mouth 20.
/ Chops-llere it is again. Witness will
| you please TO stop.
! Witness-Well sir what do You want?
Chops-Ne want to know about the
[ fight, and you must not proceed in this
impertinent story. DO YOU know any
thing about the matter before the court?
Witness-To be sure do.
/ Chop--Wel 90 on then, and tell it aud
nothing else.
witaess-well, Captain Rice, he gin a
treat
Chops-This is intoleraJle Nav it
please the court, | move that the witness
be committed Tor contempt He seems to
be trihing with the court
Court-Wltnes5, you are before the
court OF justice, and unless you behave
yourself Ia more becoming manner YOU
will be sent to Jail; 80 begin and tell me
what you know about the fight mt Rice 4.
I Witness-Well, gentlemen, Captain
/ Rice he gin treat and cousin Sallie
DillarI-
/ Court-(after debating), Mr.. Attorney.
the court Is Of opinion that we may save
time 10y letting the witness 20 on in his
own way. Proceed, Mr. Harris. with
your story, but stick TO the point.
ltness-Ges gentlemen. Well. Can.
tain Rice lie gin a treat, and cousin Sal
lie Diilard she come over 10 our house and
aXei me 10 my wife she MOUNT 20 /
told cousin Salic Billiard that NV wife she
was poorly, being ~ hOw she had the rhcu.
mates 90 her hip, and the big swamp was
up how-oeycr, a. IL was She, cousin Sallie
Diuufd, my wife mout 20. Well. then.
cousin ~Hilic billiard ax@i me IL Nose be
mouth 20. told cousin Sallic billiard az
how Nose was the foreman Of the crap.
aud the crap was snartIy in the grass. but
howsoeycr.as IL was she cousin SalIe Dtl.
larL Nose m0ut 60 So they goes on to.
gethcr Nose my wife, and cousin Sallie
Dlllard, and they comes 10 the bis swamp
and 90 was up US was telling YOU iut be-
ing a. how there was a log across the big
swamp cousin SaIlie Dhlari and Nose.