Smyrna times., 1872-07-17
Recollections Of Dolly Warden.


Are ranting, roaring, crazy mad, on Curtain
Dolly Warden was a lunatic. When she
died, like the prophet of old, she shed her
mantle and all the world has gone for it.
After the Death Of old Golly Warden, her
father, she went to live with her uncle,
Barnaby Rudge. 1t was here she met with
distinguished author, who dipped his pen in
biographical ink, sketched her history, and
raised the dickens" with the world. Dolly
Warden was not always insane; but she was
always a woman and consequently, excessively
wild on the subject OF dress Dress was her
ambition. This it was that crazed her, and
| for punishment she was doomed to everlasting
chintz. Chintz is calico. Chiniz is Dolly
| Warden.
Chintz is the epidemic that is sweeping like
| hUO simOons broadcast over the land My wife
Mary Ann has had it. At first we thought it
WAS varol0id; then she carried so We
thought it vas the veryold-boy, but it broke out
in a Dolly Warden rash. Awful rash. She is
q frightful picture to look at for the disease
has left its ungainly marks upon her form
which was never picturesque. Last week she
made the following motion at one OF our
breakfast-table debates " Resolved, That the
sum of thirty dollars be expended in making
the female head of this house presentable in
: society" | fo' lowed in few appropriate re-
) marks on the nsufhcicncy of money to make
, person presentable wi lacked grace, modesty
n comeliness, and all the cardinal virtues and
: offered as an amendment the following:
o Resolved, That the thirty dollars alluded to
!. be obtained before it is expended on the
: female head Tor Jack) of this house. | left
c without stopping to vote on the amendment
+ But it came; not the thirty dollars, but the
!, Dolly Warden. We had an heirloom in the
t, family-a combined trundlebed and lounge. 1t
C was my great large grandmother 5, and was
o covered with chintz. The figures on it repre-
is sented Columbus discovering America in
d three vessels" and" Hottentots gathering
S. buchu leaves, at the Cape Of Good Hope"
r The pictures had fascinated my infant eyes,
u and were the idol of my measly, scarlet
to the Dolly Warden scCurge. My wife got
of after it, and in few hours it was Dolly
re Vardoned. l felt that the last link that
ey chained me to my grandmother had been
IS broken. Had it been the link in my matrimo-
ct NAL chain l should not have sighed; but, poor
an grandmothcr-Doll Vardcned out of memOryi
ed | shall not attempt to describe Mary AIMS
n appearance in her lounge-cover suit. She
is looked like the bill to a circus.
us | believe that woman would give me up,
3D. rather than part with that unclylzed unchrlst-
tut ianized Dolly Warden.
Last week our Orange County COW ''came in"
ire for the spring trade The calf (which was q
he little spotted thing) was Immediately christened
on dolly Warden" l demonstrated on the
hc ground of ''cruelty to animals, and explained
,ts, that it was not a bovine, or COW vine, but
ing be onged to the other sex; but all in vain, IT
till had to be Vardoned. Poor, little, disgraced
Ugh brute, shall kill it before it realizes what Its
ted name is.
nus So constantly had this name rung in my ears
is that inquired in the drug store for some Dolly
are Warden onion seed. The next sewing society
yer meets at our house, to make Dolly Nardens fol
the the little naked heather. Tomorrow, Mar!
dis Ann commences her house cleaning orgies, anC
| take my annual hegra. | wonder if she will
ind clean house in her Dolly Warden. | can con
the ceive of nothing more formidable, awful
oor terrible, than mixture Of house cleaning ant
the Dolly Warden ! never interfere in hOEs
for cleaning, but leave it all to Mary AIMS dis
, of creticn. l would rather sit and mediate OH a
ing iceberg, with nothing on but cotton SHIRT an
a straw hat, than to enjoy all the comforts Q
civilization during house cleaning. There ar
,rn too many transformation scenes for me
,dns Everything is changed. The furniture
and crockery, stove pipes and my best clothes wi
oils be piled in the centre Of the room, covere
hos with Dolly Warden streaks of white-wash.
own The habitual frown on Mary AIMS freckle
,Iatc countGnance will be changed to demoniac
oks glare, as she slops around, stirring up du
him enough to mako a world fuH Of people. Th
;tins season to me is the inquisltiOn period and
joSs always vanish like the base fabric Of cmpt
tbo dream. | guess they are cleaning house ovt
,rtL to Smiths, for saw him out with his hea
,crnt bandaged and one arm in sling. Poor telloy
incd he is learning. Experience will teach hi
estlv that