Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1872-08-21

ladies-all they want is carrying out.
Motto for the tea merchant-honest
tea is the best policy.
"Doetor, is tight lacing injurious ?p
"Of corset is. madam"
How to make a clean sweep
Wash him.
A down-east ~shopkeeper advertises
"quart-bowls of all sizes for sale
cheap"
The certain way to be cheated is to
fancy ones self more cunning than
others.
The superiority of some men is
merely local. They r great because
their associates are little.
If the fear of the Lord is the be-
ginning, is not his love the perfection
of wisdom?
How sweet to work all day for God,
and then lie down at night beneath
his smile.
Does a widower recover from the
grieffor the loss of the dear departed
when he re wives?
a bad marriage is like an electric
machine-it makes you dance, and
you can't let go.
The most ~irredeemable bonds vet
known to the financial and moral
world are U~dgd-6onds.
Josh Billings says very truly-you'd
better not know so much, than to
know so many things that amt so.
A schoolmaster said of himself: Il
am like a hone, I sharpen a number
OF blades bnt I wear myself in doing
it."
A little girl wanting a fan, but
not being able to remember the word ,
said she "wanted a thing to brush
the warmth off with"
A man who has travelled through
New Jersey says he saw some land
there so poor that you could not raise
a disturbance on it.
"Nr. Brown, I owe you a grudee,
remember that!" 81 shall not be
frightened then, for I never knew
you to pay anything that you ove."
A School-master on being asked
what was meant by the word Jortif-
cation, answered, 1.-TWO twentifiea.
tons make q fertilization.
The nerve which never relaxes, the
eys which eve blanches, the
thought which never wanders-these
are the masters of victory.
A gentleman dining at a Youngs-
town restaurant, the other day was
heard to give the following courageous
order. "Waiter head that cheese off,
and drive it over this way"
Nothing more impairs authority
than a too frequent or %indiscreet use
of it. If thunder itself was to be con-
tinual, it would excite no more terror
than the noise of a mill.
According to all appearances, the
point where man originated, and
whence he emigrated to all parts of
the globe, was situated somewhere in.
the center of Asia.
A countryman returned home to
this city said, "Mr. Licensed Vender
must be a very rich man, for he owns
all the one-horse wagons in.
New York.
Now, then, my hearties," said a
gallant Captain, "you have a tough
battle before you. Fight like heroes
till your powder is gone, then rum
Pm a little lame and I'll start now"
A Sheriff who was taking two con-
victs to the State prison, last week,
when the train stopped at Sing Sing
out: "Step out, Gentlemen ;
fifteen years for refreshments"
a girl in Mt. Pleasant, Ill, found
life a burden because she wss afflicted
warts on her hands. so she
drowned herself. There was some
Thing appropriate in her seeing a
wartery grave.
A Farmer saw a recipe advertised to
prevent wells and cisterns from freez-
ing. He sent his money and received
n answer, '"Take in your well or els
.ern on cold nights and keep it by the
ire.H
Schell, the artist, is likewise a puns-
.er. When with some of his brethren
)ut sketehing, one of the club pro-
posed to remain and sketch another
landscape, "Oh, no." says Schell,
lets sketch the train"
One of the names on Grants list of
relatives in office that the Democratic
papers are circulating for about the
twentieth time is that of a man who
been some time dead, who never
leld an Office and is about as near q
of President Grant as the
Pope of Rome.
A witness under cross-examiDation
who had been retained by a lawyer
or several hours, at last asked for a
ylass of water. ''There," said the
Judge, ~ think you'd better let that
witness go now, as you have pumped
him dry.
Real foresight consists in reserving
your forces. If we labor with ankle
y about the future, we destroy that
strength which will enable US to
meet the future. If we take more in
land now than we can do well, we
Freak up. and the work is broken up
With US. /
Smith and Jones were at a menag-
and the conversation turned on
Oarwin's theory. Look at that
monkey" said Smith "think of its
,eing an undeveloped human % "Hu-I
nan ?" said Jones cOntemptuOusly ;
1T is no more human than 1 am"
There are two w9ys Oh doing it,T
aid Pat to himself, as he stood mus
ng and waiting for a job on the street
"If l save me s., 000, 1 must
ay up me $500 a year for 20 years, or
can put away $50 a year for 200
ears, Now, which way will I do
to"
A New York parishioner on being
sked by a divine, notorious for the
eDgth and abstruseness of his dis
what he thought of the SER
non. replied that like the ways Of
he Almighty it was past finding out
I'D like His mercy, he thought it
you'd have endured forever.
Speak kindly in the morning it
the care of the day, and
makes the household and all other
fairs move along more smoothly.
peak kindly at night, for it may be
hat before the dawn some loved one