davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

eO-In the confusion during the
last few days of the session of the
Legislature, Sergeant>at-Arms Hoard
got things little mixed. He ex-
plains the matter to the readers of
the Jefferson County Union as fol-
lows
"At Madison, on Saturday last,
while on the cars we managed to
change satchels with somebody.
Imagine our consternation,a and doub-
le-distilled look you are a william
exhibited by our irate spouse. as on
opening the cussed satchel she pulls
ed out a what-do. you-call-'em' usu-
ally worn by ladies when slumber
chain has bound them There is no
use. We arc in for it. The devil him.
self couldn't explain this COMPOUNDED
mess to the satisfaction OF our wife,
with all his logic. The only hope
we have is that some woman with a
jealous husband is luxuriating in the
possession of that satchel Of ours
with all it's wealth of one pair of
long-legged pants, and Hospitality in
clined shirt. That shirt and pair Of
pants will make themselves at home
we've no doubt just like their owner,
and that will ire his raging heart,
and then wont he give her Jesse?
But to return. My dear it's all a
mistaKe, | tell you" Chats what
you have been saying for two hours
and it don't have the least effect.
Oh! dear!"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
SEND HIM UP ANOTHER"
How Twain and Griswold Succeeded In mixing
the Drinks ON JOhu b. Cough.
From the Toledo Blade

From the Toledo Blade,)
Keep your seat" said |, as my
friend rose TO go 81 cannot help re-
peating the old boomerang joke at
tempted to be played on Cough by
every body's pet humorist, Mark
Twain, and that Falstaffian iokist
the Fat Contributor. 1t has been
told before, but | should like to re-
peat it, stripping the story from the
falsehoods by which it was formerly
embelIished.
One evening" Twain and Griswold
found themselves together, at the
Sherman House, in Chicago. b. f. be-
fore the fire.
Drifting about in search Of the
picturesque, they followed the hu
m,h stream, till Ito wear the meta :
phore threadbare) they stranded on
a bar. Mr.. Cough was staying at
the house at the time, and being I'M.
well, had retired early. A bright
idea struck Twain's restless mind.
Lets send him q cocktail |"
Idea voted good and acted upon.
Waiter arrived at Mr.. Coughs room:
"Some mistake never touch liquor. {"
Waiter positive Mr.. Cough more
so.
On the way down it occurred to
the darkey that it was a pity the
cocktail should be wasted, SO he
drank it, and reported sail right" at
the bar. Twain and Girls, intensely
delighted, thought they had caught
the lecturer mapping, LETS send
him up another" said Girls Same
result; cocktail receipted home By
darkey. Excitement at fever heat
"Give him a brandy, strong"
shouted Twain.
Disappearance of Darkey-ditto
cocktail. Report satisfactory, and
the precious pair put their heads to-
gether, and were concocting a plan
to mix liquors on the temperance
man, when Mr.. Cough entered the
bar-room, approaching our heroes,
and said:
81 am afraid you rest under a mis-
apprehension. Seeing that | was be-
ing made the victim of some practic-
al joke, followed the waiter down,
and saw him drink the liquor tina: l
suppose you thought | had used
You will please refrain from sending
any more up, as | have not felt the
need of such drinks for years"
When the subject is brought up
now to Twain, be says the fat con-
tributor retired within himself like
a great telescope" but further says
that the Twain was never in Chi
cago; didn't know there was a Sher-
man House." etc.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
AN ABSURD LAw.-The EnglisI

AN ABSURD LAw.-The English
are talking of amending the burial
laws. and the apropos of this the Pail
Mall Gazette thinks that it would
not be amiss to revise marriage laws
also. At present no one can be mar
ried after II o'clock in the day,l and
this regulation imposes upon the rel
atives and friends of the happy pair
the necessity of eating cold chicken
and drinking champagne almost inn
nediately after breakfast. After do
ing so, of course no one is fit for bust
ness during the day; indigestion and
walking nightmare set in, and these
terrible results are brought about by
holding to "vestige of barabrism."
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
rECaptain Ashe. Z. n. havir

CF Captain Ashe, r. n, having
written to the Bishop of Quebec as
TO the sinfulness of dancing, Bishop
Williams concludes his reply with
these words: 81 am alive to the dam
ger of frivolity, but there are great
err dangers in the young mans path;
| wouly rather see nay son too fond
of the ball room than too shy of it. !"
There is a vast amount of square
common sense in that reply. The
young man who shuns the ballroom
is generally one who seeks and finds
pleasure not nearly so innocent as
those therein provided. He hates the
society of ladies and avoids it, but is
not untruthful enough to so call all
women. There are indeed youths
debarred through religious feelings
from the ballroom gay cites, but we
speak Of the young men of "Society, F"
if the meaning be understood by the
latter word.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

THE MAELsTRoM GONE Up The
terrible maelstrom off the coast Of
Norway has unaccountably disap-
peared. A late traveller says there
is no such whirlpool, and that it is
only when the tide current and wind
are at loggerheads in the narrow
straits between Moskenaessor andthe
isolated rock of Mosken that any ag-
itation is visible at ALL He is there-
fore of the opinion that some such
phenomenon as this, seen from the
shore and exaggerated by the horror
of the beholder, gave rise to all the
marvellous legends of the maelstrom.
1t is sad TO part with an old friend,
but really there is no help for it.
Science is inexorable. and that mag
nificent old myth of the sea, that has
been swallowing ships in the school
geography for generations, must
come out Of that truthful text book
as Scylla and Charybdis and as a
good many other myths have done
before,
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

say Pump Carpenter has invented
tile roofing, window shutters and
cornice, to be made of clay and other
substances found in great quantities
in different parts Of the country,
which meets with great approval by
builders who have seen the plans and
thoroughly examined the practicable
ity of the inventions. The material,
when completed, does not cost but o
little more than shingles and galvan-
lied iron cornices it is said to be
vastly more durable. and like brick,
is the best safeguard against fire-in
fact. q building with thick brick
walls, rooted, corniced and sheeted
with this material would be perfect
ly impervious to fire from without.
A joint stock company is being form
ed to manufacture these materials as
soon as arrangements can be made
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

t9- Fargo, oA the Dakota side of
the Red river, where the Northern
Pacific crosses that stream, is to have
a new hotel, 100 by 40 feet, and
four stories high. There are about
fifty tents and log houses there now.
The first settler went to Fargo last
September.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
ss~Durine March the national dc

seg- During March the national debt
was reduced S15,481 $685. These
monthly statements from the Treas
ury Department are among the best
endorsements of the present admins.
tration that we have to offer. We
commend to disaffected Republicans
a review of the financial condition of
the country. Soreheads certainly
have not in their line of vision a moro
representative man or ADLER govern
or than President Grant is, has been
and will continue to be. Our stand
ing challenge is, Match him if you
can .MiICdukee Sentinel.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
s@It is a noticeable fact,

E5 IT. Is hUIICeaDIe IhCt, dlsCOv-
cred by comparing the returns of
the various prominent denomina-
tons of the Christian Church in this
country, that the Protestant Episco-
pal Church reports an actual access
sion to its membership Of a much
larger percentage than any OF the
other religious bodies. The whole
number of additions to its list of CON-
municstions was "a, 124, the whole
number being 224, 995.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
1ay-A distinguished spiritualisr

nara distinguished spiritualist
has come to the conclusion that all
the inhabitants of the other world
talk english exclusively. Everybody
that is, every souls, on shutting
off this mortal coil, endowed with
the vernacular of the United States
and the British possessions. Pity
some of them are not better acquaint-
ed with Webster or. at any rate,
LindeY Murray.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
LANCASTER HOUSE.

/ LtsHEESESs (successor 10 c. J. HYDE, pro-
-. prietor, lancaster, Wis. This h0u4e has been
re-. furnished throughout No pains spared FOR the
commodaton Vt guests Table we'll provided. Stabiiug
attached ana attentive hostlets. 1922
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

L. PHELPS proprietor Lancaster, Wis Having
furnished the new three story brick hotel on the
'li hotel corner am prepared 10 accommodate guests
.eisonably Rooms well furnished and table well
provided. Ample stable accommodations 22-30
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

r@- Vice President Colfax received
letter on Monday from some de-
mented individual, suggesting meet-
ing of all the high Officials Of the
Government at the Capitol, TO discuss
the Alabama claims, and adjust the
trouble by arranging marriage be-
tween said demented individual and
Queen Victoria.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

sa- No one should attempt to do
more than one thing at time
When you have finished slandering
your neighbors, go and say your
prayers; do not attempt to do both
at once.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
tNDr. Johnson. whom in the full.

tN- DR.. Johnson, when in the full
ness of years and knowledge, said i:
81 never take up newspaper with
out finding something | would have
deemed it q loss not TO have seen F.;
never, without deriving from it in
struction and amusement" The
newspapers in Johnson's time were
meagre enough compared with those
of to-day. Now journalism sweep in
TO its ranks the most brilliant minds
of the age, and a yearly newspaper
volume is a perfect encyclopedia:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

t1- 1t is reported that the trade
tional long pipe is going out OF
fashion in Turkey, and that the Turk
ish aristocracy now almost exclusive
ly use cigarettes when smoking
This may be considered a step in
advance in Turkish progress"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

rna. Rochefort is said to be in the
deepest distress at his melancholy
fate. President Theirs has notified
him once for all that, as long as he is
President of the French Republic, he
must remain in prison.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

sG-Mr. Summers terrible threat
if correctly reported-that he will
not support Gen. Grant for renomin-
alton, or for election, if renominated,
does not seem so portentous as at
first hearing one might suppose. He
is not likely to be a delegate to the
Philadelphia Convention, and it seems
scarcely probable that the lack Of
his vote will work the defeat of any
Republican elector.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

s@- Charles Read, the English
novelist, is said to be very thrifty
individual, and to look sharp after
the shillings. The days have gone by
when authorship sonsigned a man to
Grub street garnet.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

rA-No State in the Union has a
better school system, no State has \
better conducted church system. and
nowhere can be found more healthy
snd vigorous intellectual growth,
than Kansas.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

rA-A wretched husband in s..
Paul advertises for the recovery of
his wife, "a taul woman, with grey
eyes and small babe just begin>
min to wauk, who have been appro-
priated by 50 taul pok markt Teller,
with red hare"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

SS-A certain amount of deposition
is a great help to man. Kites rise
against the winds and with the wind;
even head wind is better than none.
No man ever worked his passage in
a calm: Let no man wax pale, there.
tore, because of opposition; opposi-
ton is what he wants and must have,
to be good for any thing.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

sN-The speed of comet is often
eight times greater than that of q
telegraph message; that is, we are
told so by scientific people, who are
entirely "up" in this sort of things.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

~A New York wedding cake
weighed forty pounds. 1t was in the
form Of three-story house, with
sugar bride and groom coming out OF
the front door.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

sorA Hartford clergyman is read
ing Millions Paradise Lost at the
weekly meetings of his congregation.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
limited STATES HOTEL,
KEV CIpY uOIT-E,

y elise. proprietor, Dunleith, m. near steam
y boat Landing and Passenger Depot. General
stpe onic for Phtcyile Lancaster aud points East
Sitbliug Ia connection with the hotel.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
sMALLEY HOUSE,
PHELPS House.

IOHN 2 sMALLEY, Proprietor, Musooda, Wis
y Near the Depot. Express Once, and Livery Stable
attached. Meals stall hours. 1888
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

\ A.. YATES, proprietor Platteyillo, Wis. This
". new hotol w. situated LIST or Oak St, doors
south OF Main It Is ucwy furnished and fitted up in
hrst class style. Good sample Room and Sabliug at
tached. Five minutes walk from the depot $3.50
nor day 22-23
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

NOTARY PUBLIC Claim Agent, and Agent for sew
\ ,rtl Of the bost Life and Fire Insurance Com
paues ID the country. Also Licensed Auctioneor. All
to. 10 Clssyille. Wis 2l-l7
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
PLATTEVILLE HOTEL,

= WErMORE, Proprietor, Patch Grove Wis
>. Meals q MI hours, Good Stabiug attached
aud attentive hJster ISIS
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
RETIRING SENATORS.

The senate loses many Of its strong
est members with the close OF the
present session, most of whom are
not looking to return. Charlie Will
liams goes out to make his debut ups
on larger field. 1t is vain to look
tor another inthe State to fill his place
in the senate. Angus Cameron goes
back to his great law practice at La
Crosse. He says squareIy that he
shall have no more TO do with poll
tics. Mr. Magoon goes back to his
scholarly home at Darlington, not
expecting to return. The venerable
Sat Clark closes his twelfth year in
the senate, and he says "the last"
His next point is to whip out Eldredge
for Congress, and We hope he will.
Mr.. Reed, of Waupaca, q most able
and practical legislator, departs for
good. Mr.. Belden, the close thinker
and parliamentarian, goes back to his
farm in Racine. Mr.. Little, strong
in honesty" goes back to Iowa. Mr..
Miner, the A ak of the claims commit
tee, goes home to look after his lum-
Der camp in Juneau. Foster the re-
formist, has a mission to perform 10
Winnebago. Mr.. Griswold, always
straight and trusty, returns to Col
umbia. 1t is suggested and. hoped
that Jack Turner will take his place.
Messrs. Jones, Flint, and Woodman
will all be missed from the senate.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
PATCH GROVE HOUSE.

W W PINE, proprietor, corner if Main and II
w streets, DUBUQUE, IOWA. %
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
IN. RoRERTsON.


n ENERAL COLLECTING AGENT and CONVEY
NJ ANGER, Bloomington, Wis. Titles inyestig gated nd
perfected. Collection promptly attended to- Refer
rutr- given when desired. 22-30
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

a r. BLAKEI.Y, proprietor, Darlington Wis. This
". house has been recently enlarged and returLshed
throughout aud Is not excelled by any IN the western
part 81 the State good billiard hall aud livery sta
BILE attached. 2[35
HOTEL CARES. DINNER TICKErS, etc, printed
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
GATES House,

by q. D. sTREETER, corner OF Mineral aud Second
ID streets. Pln .tevilie, Wis Good stabling and at
tentiye hostlers. sample rooms attached.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
GOVERNOR wAsHBURN.

The Governor is rarely seen away
from his Office 10 the capitol except
at home. have taken but few oc>
casions to disturb him with calls, but
of this | have felt assured, that what
ever follies might be enacted above,
we had strong, tried, infiexible ex-
ecutive below.
| had q better chance of seeing him
during my travels last fall Of seeing
him in private, with his reserve
thrown off. | found him always so
inquiring and suggestive; so practical
and comprehensive.-And then he
stands so firmly on his feet, all his
calculations are based on the hard
pan of necessity and right, while his
head rises to the high level of state
and national concerns, All crooked
ness and corruption, both now and
hereafter, should give the Governor q
wide berth.
LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR PETIT.
am just little proud of the Lieu
tenant Governor, since the raid upon
him last fall by the temperance advo-
Gates. He was elected so handsome.
ly. And now TO find what good
looking and admirable presiding of
fcer he makes, dispatching business
so gracefully, L can't help taking u
little pride in him. The senate has
never had better officer in the chair,
nor a truer democrat nor gentleman
on the floor.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
Or. A. "A. BARBER,
}. w. cARLEY. NJ. D.

PHYSICIAN and SURGEON, Lancaster. Wisconsin
once az his residence opposite Hon. }. Allen Bar.
bora 2l-43
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
Personal Notices.

The Madison correspondent of the
Milwaukee Wisconsin emb0dies in
one of his letters to that paper the
following notices of prominent Wis
consin men
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.

OFFICIAL DIRECTORY.
nudge Of Circuit Court-J T. Mills. Up. o. Lancaster
Hl3ge n Probate C0urt-WM. MoGoMeAL. "
Frsdsurer-A. X. MCCARTNEY
Sherif-WmLIAM y. SLoAT
RegiSter Of Deeds-JAMEs WoODHousE
Clerk ~ Circsft Court-DAvID ScHREIsER
County CIerk-J. NJ. ALrIzER
CtH BdSNperUisors-A. A. BENNETT (P o. GlenIIavenl
SHpt Of Schools-W. II. HoLToRD Up. o. bloomington
Go. Surueysr-GEoRGK MCCALL &" Platteve)
District .iHy-0Eo. CLENENTsoN Lancaster)
C0r0Hcr-CHARLEs DIoKET : {" Dickeyyills )
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
HUMPHREY g. CLARK,

d "A N X 4 Etk5
BLOOMINGTON. WISCONSIN
DUY AND SELL GOLD AND GOVERNMENT
ID Bonds and Eastern Exchange. Prompt atten-
mcnt OF taxes. Deposits received and loans negOta-
ted Advances msde upon approved securities In
terest allowed on special deposits at best current
ates % 45tf.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
NJ. BRADLEY CLARKE.

4 rTORNEY and COUNSELOR al Law and Notary
n Public, Bloomington, Wis. An legal business
promptly attended to- Collections made and loans
negotiated. 22-30
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

physician and SURG ECN and Pensiou Examining
/ Surgeon, lancaster Wis. ONCE over Meyers
tore sJ-@l
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
VIM w. LINENS,
JAS. u. SHEFFIELD,

TTORNEY AND COUNSELOR AT LAW. James
a town wis once In the Old Brick WIN Prac'
tie, In aI the courts ~ this Judicial Circuit Col
lcctioBs placed ia my hands viii receive prompt at
tentinn. 23'SV
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16
w. p. DEWEY,
aARnrR . oLEMENrsoN.

TrORNEYs and COUNsELORs at Law, Lancaster.
\ Wis Will practice 10 all State cogrts: viii buy
ld sell lands pay taxes. obtain land patents boun-
TICS pensions and other claims against the Govt % 30
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1872-04-16

PHYSICIAN AND SURG EON. Boscobe, Grant county,
Wisconsin. dice at his residence. $3.50
The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1872-09-26
Co.. Cheatham al Memphis.

The reception Of Gen. Cheatham
at Memphis last Saturday was the
grandest ovation ever witnessed in
the State. A special committee com
posed Of the very best citizens Of
Memphis, filling ten magnificent
passenger coaches OF the d. & c.
r. r. Co, met Gen. Cheatham at
Whites Station and escorted him 20
the city. Business was almost en-
tirely suspended during the day and
the entire population joined in the
welcome to the distinguished old
hero. His apartments at the Pea
body Hotel, which we're the same oc-
cupied by the Grand Duke Alexis,
we're thronged with visitors who
were eager 70 see and honor their
distinguished chieftain. At night
a grand torchlight procession es-
corted him to tie bluff, where twelve
thousand people, half of them ladies,
were waiting 70 see and welcome
him 20 Memphis. Gov. Harris made
the reception speech, which was re-
piled TO ia a most delicious manner
by General .Cheatham. Altogether
il was the most enthusiastic demon
sLration ever witnessed in the State.
The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1872-09-26

a rife pit running at right angles
fiOm it, resembling the ventilator of
q car. We turn into our births to
dream of Denver. We awake next
morning and find ourselves in a
sandy country; the grass is thin
and short, and no cultivation is
4een-in fact, none even to Denver.
We keep a lookout for the noun
tains, which are seen in a few min
utes. First there appears on the
left a little white cap, looking like
a white cloud, which is Pixies Peak,
100 miles distant A little longer,
and the whole range Of the Rocky
Mountains are in view. / shall not
attempt to describe it; it was too
grand and sublime for me or any
one else to attempt 4 description.
It is worth the trip out here just TO
see the scenery. We are now at
the Eldorado of health, where / will
leave you for the present, with the
promise 70 write again. Before
I viii say that have been
here six days, and that when We ar
rived here 1 could scarcely walk.
Now can walk one mile or more
without fatigue.
I am well pleased so far and so is
the party. More anon.
HARRY MCCORD.