The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1872-04-26

Ido Gnu Va lllt uuu u luGuTG state,
An old toper being asked one day why
he persisted in drinking, replied, "Dry
makes me drink, drink makes mo drunk.
and drunk makes me dry again" The
explanation was considered quite suf-
ficent.
SLOW far shall this e1cruciating un-
certainty CO. Adeluide, my beloved?"
said gallant young Romeo to his pref
ty juliet, the other evening. "Go to
father, was the prompt and satisfactory
reply.
It was brilliant Fond du Lac boy,
who, seeinga dog with muzzle on for
the first time, exclaimed: mamma,
mamma. bet five cents the dogs are
going to wear hoop-skirts; there goes a
dog with one on his nose"
Title and ancestry render a good man
more illustrious, but an i'll one more
contemplate. Vice is Infamous. though
In prince; and virtue honorable.
though in u peasant
Emerson says: Life ishardly respect
able if it has no generous task; no du-
ties or affections that constitute ne
cessity of existing. Every mans task is
his life prcseryer.
Let those who sin remember that
Gods eyes never sleep, nor do his eye
lids slumber. Every sin will meet its
Just recompense of reward. Epjoy now,
but know that retribution only waits.
Southey says: ga good man and q
wise man may at times be angry with
the world, at times grieved for it; but
be sure no man was ever discontented
with the world who did his duty in it,"
Edwards says: 'tAIost controversies
would soon be ended if those engaged
in them would first accurately define
their terms, and then rigitily adhere TO
their definition
convention of old maids is to be held
at Little Rock, Arkansas, "to gain true
knowledge CT the nature and attributes
OF men. Matrimony is the shortest
road to the knowledge they are in search
of.
Frenchman cannot pronounce
ship" The word is sheep" in his
mouth. Seeing an iron-clad, lie said to
boy, "Ish dish war sheep?" NO"
answered the boy, ''it's ram
The queer looking little pickle which
people eat with boiled mutton, under
the name OF caper sance, is IN unfolded
blossom plucked from its parent stem in
ITS iirst infancy, when only few DAYS
old.
Never is ono so unpleasantly impress
ed with the largeness of his income as he
IS when sitting down with government
blank before him with its impertinent
queries
a Wisconsin young man who stole q
horse and buggy, iefs note which
closed with MAY God forgive me for
this rash act.''
Capt. ". II. Mcdowell, formerly we'll
known in Marion as a successful rail.
road contractor, died in Cincinnati few
days age.
Sammy read Charles XII "Charlcs
cross.cyes," and when laughed at, was
sure he couldn't gee any fun in having
two of them.
a Western writer describes q Dolly
Warden dress as an animated oid.fasii
Toned window cnrtain thrown over a red
brick wall.
a clergyman snid the other day that
modern young ladies were not the dnuch-
ters of Shem and Ham, but tho dauch-
ters of Hem and Sham.
Mrs Lawyer Bradford has secured the
passage OF law in Illinois, admitting
women to every occupation except that
OF soldering.
Mrs. Howe has we'll said: "Thc hone
OF youth is greatest in quantity: the
hope Of ago is sounder and moro endur.
ing in quality"
The man who haz got into the habit
OF never making emmy blunders liz alto.
gether too good to 1.-Two in this world.
Billings.
Memphis has ono clergyman, fonr
doctors, and thirteen gamblers to every
thousand souls OF its population.
"Not otherwise than embalmed will I
quit Madrid" says Amadeus. He fears
nothing-bnt his wife.
a vigorous young sexton in Opelika,
Ala, lately pulled the church bell down,
aud came near ringing his own knell in
! the operation.