Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1872-10-25

COdCu.
Our poor hero was Mortified at the
accommodations which were presented.
Every seat but one was occupied, and
that was narrow space between a
snuffy old woman accompanied by two
dogs and a parrot, and fat old farm
er, who, with his mouth full of tobac-
co, and his mind full Of independence,
was not particularly careful in what
direction he sqlirted the juice.
Augustus settled himself into his
seat with groan.
'Dear sake!' cried the old lady,
"what's the matter? Got the stomach
ache? or mebby it's the collery NOR
bus! been eating any cowcumbers !?
have little Pain Killer, do! it's grand
for all them complaints.
"No, ma'am, thank you-I-do not
need any," returned Augustus, push
ing away the huge bottle of fiery COL
ored liquid which his travelling COM
panion had drawn from her reticule-
81 am perfectly well. In fact, ALPS
well with me-
GA swell! a SWELL" yelled the par
rot. "Darn swell!''
The passengers laughed, Augustus
feebly joined, and remarked that. Poll
was fine biped, at the same time feel
ing an intense desire to wiring his green
neck.
Northford was reached about sunset.
The stage stopped at the only hotel
in the village. Augustus aEghted, and
gazed around him with profound dis
may.
The old portico of the town was
crowded with ragged loafers-the two
red-faced girls were gigling gat him from
the upper window, little black dog
was swapping at his legs, his feet were
deep in mud puddle, and the old la
dy with the Pain Killer, was pointing
him out to the burly landlord.
"Take good care on him, Mr.. Swim
ger," she was saying; he was mighty
sick in the stage-groaned the awful
lest! He looks dreadful consumptiye.
Bit jest like yaller-tailed hornet, and
terrible thin in the jaws. Sartin sign
of weak lungs. Better step out of the
water, sonny, you'll catch the ager.-
Master place here for the ager."
Augustus fled into the house, and
called for the landlord.
"Show me up to my room at once,
my fWeind, and send up the supper di-
wectly. Something nice and delicate.
An ice and a Charlotte Russo, I think
[ should relish.''
The landlord stared at him.
"We don't freeze up yetawhile, young
man, and as for Charlotte, don't know
Of but one; will she do?'''
eyes, | think so,'' replied Augustus,
dimly comprehending mine host, and
hoping something to fill the empty void
in the region of his stomach would be
forthcoming soon.
"This is your room," said the land
lord, opening door into close little
pen, up under the caves, destitute of
carpet or mating, and containing only
bed, chair, and cracked looking
glass.
"Good gwacious! I never, never could
60 to bed here. somebody might see
me-and where am | to Wash!''
CPL send up the basin as soon as my
wife gets the children washed"
ooh, no, no! [ beg you won't twou-
BILE yourself" cried Augustus. 81 am
not very much soiled. Dear me! how
this glass makes me look! My face
looks like putty, positively.'
otral II cbon1I f1o Tho
landlord, departing for the lower re-
gions.
Augustus began to unpack his valise.
His three trunks had not yet been
brought up stairs. He scented his
flowing, abundant locks with musk,
and poured some Jocky Club on his
handkerchief.
'1f there should happen to be any
ladies wound the house." he said to
himself, 81 should die of modification
to have them meet me smelling of that
dweadful stage-coach."
The door opened, and the landlord
entered, bearing bottle of hot water,
and followed by large, feshy woman,
in green sun bonnet. She looked
sanguinary, and our hero fairly shiver-
i ed, when he saw that she had a huge
pair of shears in one hand, and a gleam-
ing razor in the other.
''Here is Charlotte said the land
lord; "she'll attend to your case rite
off. And [ must say it's none too soon.
You look more like Nanny goat than
anything [ can think OFF,
'I-that is-Woman, keep off, cried
Augustus, as the female approached
him brandishing the shears.
She paid no regard to his frantic ef-
forts at evading her, but dexterously
whipped ragged apron round his
neck, and fastened it tight, and then,
before the terrified Augustus could lift
finger to prevent, she raised the fatal
shears, and served his pet locks close
to the roots.
There is limit to all endurance
Augustus was mad. He seized a boot
jack, and it is uncertain what he might
have done, had not Charlotte with one
brawny hand seated him on the floor
and knocked the wits out of his head
against the ceiling.