Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1872-07-09
LaI7aCh for HaG77aO7'6StS.

IbWy the meat OF them"
LaNsch fOs. Has91aO7'5sts.
The palpitating, respiratory bumper, is the
latest novelty in female unmentionables.
A bonnie brunette drives one of the Cam
bridge Mass horse cars.
A corset is on exhibition at Dubuque, Iowa,
which has squeezed three females to death.
"Fieures won't lie." Won't they? Does the
fashionable woman's figure tell the truth?
The most effectual way to prevent hydropho-
bia is to vaccinate all the dogs with double
barrel shot gun.
When couple of young people strongly de-
voted to each other commence to eat onions, it
is safe to pronounce them engaged.
A candid old bachelor says, "After all, wo-
mans heart is the sweetest thing in the world !;
it's perfect honey comb-tan Of sells.
An opponent of the public school system in
sists that if you teach boy to write be is much
less likely to make his mark in after life.
A young lady being asked by a rich old bach
elor, eff not yourself, who would you rather
be 2" blushed, as she sweetly replied, "Yours,
truly"
1t is said that one green tarletan dress con-
tains arsenic enough to kill man, and yet men
don't seem so be afraid to go near green tarle-
tan dresses.
A lawyer in ST. Louis attempted to try case
the other day when half drunk, but the judge
stopped him, saying, mo lawyer can serve two
bars at the same Tina.
A great deal of sport has been made of the
old woman who kissed her COW; but what
should be said of the thousands of young wo-
men who have kissed great big calves2
A young lady, in the kitchen making a pie,
said to her cousin, who was hanging around,
Frank, the kitchen is no place for boys. Has
dough such an attraction for your" 1t isn't
the dough, cousin, but it is the dear that at.
tracts me.
Dgby, the other day, found some money In
the street. 'Ah I said he, with knowing look,
papers have been saying that moneys tight,
but wouldn't have believed it, if l hadn't
found it in the gutter
A little girl, who had great kindness of heart
for all the animal creation, saw hen prepar-
ing to gather her chickens under her shelter
ing wings and shouted. earnestly: ''Oh, don't
sit down on those chickens, you great ugly
rooster!'
That Danbury (Ct.) Nescs fellow says: 1.-THE
majority of.women care but little about suffrage
1t the backs to Car seats could only be followed
out SO as to admit of their bustles tapping over,
the ballot might so to thunder for all they
care"
A western editor lately gave notice that he
intended to spend fifty dollars for new head
for his paper. The next day one of his sub
scribers dropped him the following note :
Don't do it: Better keep the money and buy
new head for the editor.
1t is related of Leasing that he was OCCASION
ally so absent-minded that once he knocked at
his own door, when the servant, not recogniz-
ing her master, looked out of the window and
SAID: The professor is not at home" "Oh,
very well, replied Leasing, composedly walk
ing away, Il will call again"
A newspaper published at Bainbridge, Geor-
gia, is edited by very fastidious man. Hear
what he says: ITO see a wasp WASTED young
lady, IN ringlets and an abundance of founces,
gracefully sail to the head of the table, and
with voice as angelic as a tenor flute, call to
the waiter for mass of cold possum and col
lards, is the most trying thing romance can en-
counter.
DIFFERENT THING.-Mrs. Browns pretty
waitress got married the other day.
And hear you are going to Australia with
your husband, Kitty" said her mistress. care
you not afraid of such long, dangerous vow.
age"
well, ma'am, that's his lookout Ibelong
to him now. an if anything happens to me sure
it'll be his loss, not mine
'ONLY Your PA In a certain town
there had been very exciting election for the
Office OF sheriff. The successful candidate, of
course, was very much elated, and at night was
tor long time talking it over with his wife as
they sat around the fire before retiring. Mean
while the youngsters in the trundle bed were
AL ears" at length one tow head popped up
under the Inspiration:
Ma, are We all sheriffs, or only you and
pa?' ~
Lay down, you little fool" snapped the
mother; "only your pa and l."
STRENGTH OF YOUNG WoMEN.-Some one
asked Mrs. Cady Stanton if she thought that
girls possessed the physique necessary for the
wear and tear of college course of study. Her
reply lsaboth sensible and sarcastic, II would
like to see you, said Mrs Stanton, 'stake tbir-
teen hundred young men, and lace them no,
and hang ten to twenty pounds weight Clothes
to their waists, perch them upon three-inch
heels, cover their heads with ripples, chignons
rats and mice, and stick ten thousand hair-pins
into their scalps; if they can stand all this. thew
will stand little Latin and Greek.
OLD LADT.-"Can you tell me, my good
man, where can find Mr. Jones ?''
Pat-"Sure, ma m, expect it would be at
his house you would find him. ~
Lady-Does he live anywhere in this street ?"
Pat-"Sure, no indade; it's not for the like
OF him to be livln' in the street at all''
Lady-"You stupid fellow, | mean what
number does his family stop at ?''
Pa Pat-IS NO ma m you have me, he has six
Doys ana 1our girls, but whether he means to
Lady-'Oh, you blockheadl"
Exit old lady in tremor of indignation.
A TERRIBLE NIGHTMARE.-A gentleman IN
an upper township, out West, of course, got the