Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1872-04-11
Brevites and Levities.

~ "say, Jones, what's the. matter
with your eye?" "oh, nothin''; only
my wife said this morning I'd better get
up an light the FIRE; 1 told her to make
it herself. That's all"
ar Young man, do you ever drink?"'
asked a. mild looking man, accosting
Jones. "well, yes; thank you; as it's
a cold morning don't mind,' replied
Jones, removing his quid of tobacco.
"Don't do it. any more,S' >rejoined the
mild man, or you. will eventually be
-. Good morning. God bless you"
ne. A man arrested in Indianna for
two attempts to throw trains. FROM the
track, said he only wished to see how
far locomotive would 60 when thrown
off the track at full speed. -.
a@ If your neighbors' hens are trou-
blesome' and. steal across the way, don't
let your angry passions rise; fix place
for 'em to layY
H An exchange says: Cleveland has
invented patient. bug-buster. Worked
with an air pump. All the apertures
in room. are stopped hnt one, at which
the deadly bug-buster is placed. By ex-
hausting the receiver, current OF air Is
produced strong enough to draw the ver-
min out of the room, through the. AIR
pump, into the hopper, where they are
put under the influence of chlorofnrm
and stabbed in the back with pitchfork.
aa- An. n.artless newspaper man, who
lately bought few sansages, thus relates
his troubles: got them sausages home
without getting bit, and cut them apart
and left them. In the morning visited
them. Three of 'em had .cuddled up to-
gether, and were sleeping quietly. Two
of 'ein had crawled to my milk pail and
were lappiug ti1e mill and one, black
and white one, was on the back fence
trying to catch an English sparrow. 1
drowned the whole lot.
@ The san Antonio, Texas, post
master received letter lately "To my
Nanny" 1t was not delivered till,
some weeks after, a small, fierce looking
old woman appeared at the .postoff1ce
window, saying: "Mister, have you
got any letter rom'my Johnny?" when
he hit the mark at once.
as- A school teachor in surry county,
N. c., who carried his dinner with him
to the school house, frequently found his
supply of bread short, and suspecting
his scholars of appropriating portion
of his staff of life to their own use, had
resort to a little tartar emetic in his
bread, which soon had the desired ef-
feet Hisdinner has been oil right ever
since.
rs A woman applied to magistrate
the other day for o warrant against
neighbor, saying, "She called me q.
thief, your honor. Cart make her
prove it2 "Perhaps you can," quietly
replied the magistrate, "but if I-were
you wouldn't do it..'' 49, -
@-.A married lady complained that
her husband had Infused her. Her faith
.er, hearing it boxed her ears. "Tell
him." said the father if he beats my
daughter will beat his wife." Rather
pleasant prospect for the lady,.
w A Western journal announces that
"Mr. Jim Clementon, equine abductor
of Minnesota, WAS lately the victim OF n
sneck-tie sociable.'" Or in plain English,
thef,llow stole horse, and was swung
up by grape vine until very dead.
.-mr 1t is stated that a good looking
young lady downinG Georgia killed TWEEN
ty one feas at one sitting. 'Rah for
Geogia enterprise
as- An exchange says that the habit
of chewing gum grows on person who
indulses in it as much rs. does that Of
drinking liquor and the sudden break
ing from it is as injurious. A young girl
who hes "ohawed" regularly for years.
swore off last week, and since that time
she has had regular jim-janis, and has
to be set up with every night. A young
man sits up with her, however, and she
don't mind it much. Girls TINT don't
want to be set up with had better not
quit chewing,