The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1872-03-15
VARIETIES.

Boys will be boys" is nonsense. Boys
will be men, ifthey live long enough.
"A Providence virago, having taken
glass more than she needed, threw the spare
tumbler at her husband.
II say, John, where did you get that
rogucs hat 2" "Please, yer honor" said
John, cts an old one of yours that missus
gave me yesterday"
A Wisconsin editor was called out OF
bed one night to receive subscriptions
After that he sat up nights for a week, but
the offence wasn't repeated
A wag passing through Main street.
Worcester, saw on sign the following:
Turning of every description done here
very cheap"
Entering the shop, he inquired of the
boss if he could get job done here.
certainly, at short notice"
"Well then" said the wag, "turn me ten
sommersets in about ten minutes"
"A patient complained to his physician
that he was pursued by a ghost the night
before, as he was going home from the tav-
ern. "What shape was ?" asked the doc
tor. "In the shape of a jackass," said the
man. $50 home," replied the physician,
land keep sober. You were drunk last
night, and frightened by your own shad-
ow."
The following is recommendation
lately given by q lady to her departing SER
want: The bearer has been in my house
year-minus eleven months. During this
time she has shown herself diligent-at
the house door; frugal-in work mind
full ofherself; prompt-in excuses; faith
ful-to her lover; and honest-when ev-
erything had vanished.
An Irishman who was very near sight
ed, about to fight duel, insisted that he
should stand six PAGES nearer his antago-
mist than the other did to him, and that
This beats Sheridan's tale ola fat man who
was going to fight a slim one, that the lat
ter's slim figure ought to be chalked on
the others portly person, and if the bullet
hit him outside the chalk mark, it was to
go for nothing.
A handsome young gentleman walked
into the Adams Express office, the other
day, and desired to express a package of
letters to lady, to whom he desired to re-
turn them. "What are they worth 2" ask
ed the clerk, who, in making out his ac-
count, desired to know what was the risk.
The young gentleman hesitated moment,
then clearing his throat from certain husk-
mess, replied, swell, can't say exactly,
but a few weeks ago thought they were
worth about four hundred thousand dol
lars"
Nor CATcHiNG.-A lady school teacher
Omaha, having an inordinate dread of the
smallpox, sent home little girl because
she said her mother was sick and had
marks on her face. The next dao the little
girl presented herself at the school house,
with her fingers in her mouth and her little
bonnet swinging by the strings and said
to the teacher "Miss -, we've got
leetle baby at our house, but mother told
me to tell you that it isn't catchin'." The
teacher said that she was very glad, and
told her pupil to take her seat.
An inveterate drunkard once asked IA
Quaker whether he knew of method
whereby he could cure himself of his DOM
inant vice. Friend" answered Broad.
brim, sit is as easy as keeping thine hand
Open" GLOW can that be ~ said the drunk
ard every man can keep his hand open,
but as to abstainlng from liquor, that's
quite different thing" 81 will tell thee,
friend" quoth the Quaker. "When thee
has gotten glass of gin in thine hand, and
before thee dost raise the tempting liquor
to thy lips, open thine hand-aad keep it
open. Thee breakfast the glass, but thee
breakfast not the laws of snhriety.'