The Portland daily press., 1872-09-10

A Titusville wife placed toy snake in her
husbands boot the other morning, and then
could hardly get breakfast because of her
snickering at his performances when he DIS
covered He first looked in the mirror, then
went and threw his demiohn of old rye into
the mill race. He drank thirteen cups of cof-
fee at breakfast, and for several evenings af
terward astonished his children by going to
bed at nine o'clock each night.
Gentlemen and ladies contemplating sui
eide by drowning will confer favor upon the
harbor master and coroners by leaving word
at the central station what dock they intend
jumping from. The harbor master 10 now
provided with handsome new drag and set
of graphing hooks, and is prepared to bring
up dead bodies with neatness and Dispatch
Detroit Post
A deacon in Davenport, Ia, denouncss
street sprinkler as an ungodly and sacrileg-
Gus device, and says that when it is too dusty,
the citizens ought to combine together and
pray for rain.
Up in British Columbia they carry on an
extensive traffic in Chinese women. One
''olive-eyed CELESTIAL damsel brought $7OO
the other day.
Kansas has had its first snowst torn for this
year.
Signor Mario is said to look no older than
when last here. He has seen a good deal of
the world though, since that time.
A witness under cross-examination, who
had been retained by lawyer several hours,
at last asked for glass of water. '.There,"
said the judge. 81 think you'd better let that
witness go now, as you've pumped him dry"
Mr.. Dan Godfrey intends to make another
professional visit to America, next Spring
A man must be bolted and screwed to the
community before he can work well for its adj
vancement; and there are no such bolts and
screws as children.-Beecher.
There are 573 lighthouses on our coast, %
light ships, and 800 keepers.
Sixteen members of the new dominion
House of Commons are doctors.
The mattress ON which Nilsson slept at the
Mills house in Charleston was recently sold at
auction for $50. If the chambermafd of the
Mills house had thought to preserve the water
in which the divine vocalist bathed her de-
licious little feet, the same fool that bought
the mattress would no doubt have paid her
$50 quart for it.-Louisuilte Courier-Jour-
nal.
haa rtfrtf TO N,1fo fhnr
such difficulty, that it must either hurt the
person by telling the truth, or hurt himself
by telling what is net ue.-[Jshnson.
A man in Western New York was struck
with lightning, and cured of chronic rheuma-
tism, recently.
In paragraph on vacations the Christian
Union says: SIT strikes US that society is so
arranged that the American young lady has
a pretty easy time of it, compared with her
brother.'
Benedetty Pisaron, celebi ated italian
singer of former days, has just died. She
originally possessed high soprano voice, but
an attack of small pox changed it into an ex-
traordinarily rich contralto. 1t spoiled her
beauty, however, and she was accustomed to
sing something at the side scene before ap-
pearing before the audience, that the extreme
charm of her voice might moderate the dis
agreeable shock occasioned by her face.
A wriier in the Newark Advertiser dis
cusses the feasibility of bridging the Atlantic
ocean. He has studied the subject from boy
hood, and believes he has mastered the
scheme, and is now willing to stake his repu-
tation and other peoples fortunes upon the
undertaking.
| So extensively is the adulteration of tea
now carried on in China, that Mr.. Med
hurst, the British Consul at Shangbae, re-
Gently wrote that $1,000 pounds of willow
leaves were in course of manipulation at one
port alone, to be mixed with tea for ship
ment, at the ratio of from 10 to 20 per cent.