The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1872-01-06
Elark Twain ON His Travels.

! got into the ears and took n seat in
luxtapoSition to a female. That te-
males face was perfect insurance
company for her-it insured her
against ever getting married to any
body except a blind man. Her mouth
looked like crack in dried lemon,
| and there was no more expression to
her face than there is in spinal col
nmn of cold cllstartl.- appearlas
if she had been through one famine
and had got about two-thirds through
another. She was old enough to be
grandmother to Mary that had the lit
tie lamb. She was chewing a box of
prize pop corn, and carried in her
hand Il yellow rose, while a handbook
and a cotton umbrella nestled sweetly
by her side. couldn't guess wheti-
er she was Oh Il mission OF charity, or
going west to start saw mill, 50 |
said:
''rhe eXigencies of time require
great cilrumspection in person who
is travelling
Said she "What?"
Said |, "Tlle orb Of day shines re-
splendent in the blue vault above"
She litched around uneasy like. then
she raised her umbrella and said. Il
don't want any ofyou5 5gaas-git out"
and got out.
Then took seat alongside male
fellow who looked Kke tie ghost OF
Hamlet heightened ont. He was a
stately cllss, and he was reading.
Said |. Minister did you ever see
c;rmel leopardy" Lsald camel leop-
ard because ii is,a pious animal, and
never cats any grass without getting
down on its knees. Then said /, .Jo
you chew?"5
lie said mo sir"
Then said !, "Howsweet is natme?',
He took this fora conundrtln, and
said lie didn't know" Then he said
he was deeply interested in the histo-
~ ofa great man. "Alas Y lie ex-
claimed, I'VE are but few"
told him | knew but one; ''the
man that made my cooking stove wlsa
crate man."
Then he asked ME would l read?
Says |, "wlat have you got?"
lie replied, Watts Hymns 4 .Reye-
ries BY Moonlight, ''lIuw to spend
the sabbath"
said, ''none of that for Hannah"
but if he bad got an unabridged Bus
ines, Directory Of New York city
would take little read.
Then he said, Young man, look at
these gray hairs
told him saw them, and when a
man got as old as he was lie ought to
dye. Said !, You needen't think
these hairs are any sign OF wisdom;
its only a sign tlaty your system lacks
iron and advise yonto 20 home and
swallow crowbar."
He took this for irony, and what lit
tic entente c0raidie there was between
us was spilled. 1t turned out that he
was chaplin Of base ball club.
When we got to Rochester | called
for a bowl of lean soup. send you
the receipt for making it: Take a
lot of water, wash it well, boil it until
it Is brown on both sides; then very
carefully pour one bean into it and
let 1t simmer. When the bean begins
to get restless sweeten with salt, then
put in air-tigllt cans, hitch each can to
a brick, and chuck them overheard,
and the soup is done"
The above receipt originated with
man in Iowa, who gets up suppers on
odd occasions for Odd Fellows. He
has a receipt for oyster soup of the
same kind, only using twice as much
water to the oyster and leaving ont
the salt.
Speaking of Iowa reminds me of the
way got the money for my ticket to
that Odd Fellows supper. | bet a
fellow a dollar that | could tell him
how much water to quart went I'M
dor the railroad bridge over the Mis-
sissippi at Dubuque in Il year. He
bet, aud Tsiid two pints to quart.
| won the bet, but after all, that sup
per was an awful swindle. Ii the city
dldn't..settle any faster tlGln its coffee
did, Its o.d settlers clubs would be a
failure, and the city too.
Dubuque is celebrated for its fine
turnouts. There was very fine turn
out on the streets while waa tlaore, a
wagon upset and spilled a lot of wo-
men, didn't see IT,; looked the
d.