The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1872-03-29

Their thoughts on the BY gone, and ban -
rhe Present are fitted to enter
The on-corhing kingdom OF mani
MARGARET ]. PRESTON.
/ THE JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS.
New pAshfori = = Genial Old
1 sains'' Knew Abeut Rum and Fanny
July, 1S71-The village of New
Ashford liz lokated in the state ov
Massachusetts,, and iz about $50 miles
west ov Plymouth rok.
1t liz one ov them towns that don't
make emmy fuss, but for pure water,
pure morals, and good rye, and injun
bread, it stands on tiptoze.
1t waz settled soon after the landing
ov. theo pilgrims, hy SONS Ov thai
party, and like all the NJ England
towns, waz, at one time, celebrated for
its stern religious creed, aud its excel
lent rum and tanZy.
IT may seem q leetien strange to
these latter Gav saints, tew hear me
mix up rum and religion together, but
1 had an Unkle, who, preached God'l
word in the next town south ov New
Ashford, so years old, who died ia
due time, and went to heaven. tl.,s
This genial old saint alwus took, on
week daze, three magnificent horns ov
rum and tanzy, and Sundaze he took
four
L hav no doubt it heightened out hiz
time, and braced up his faith. .fr
But 4 fwou1dn't ,adviseS any ov
the ytng klergy 6vto-day tewmed1ile
with rum and tanzy, as fertilizer.
The tanZy liz all rite-it grows az
green and az bitter az ever, for man
kant adulterRte it, but the rum haz bin
beedevfled:ihto rank poison. II
One sich horn az mi old unkle used
tew absorb between hiz sermons on
Sundayr(5 inches, good and strong)
WOULD disffancbisSa q whole drove Ov
preachers now.
In them daze, the preacher wak >,
stalwart man, and could mo 'hfs'
swarth sinEthe hay field, with the best
oS them, kandscouId ride b hard trot-
ting cob or hoss, 6 miles an hour, all
day, akrost the the mountains, and set
dOun at night, to billed pork and kab-
bage, and kold injm' pdddin, and after
thanking the Lord for his menny
mersys, eat hiz way klean to the
middle of the table. 81
But times, and men, -hav altered,
SO Eaz rum, and tanZy. .,-.,.-
don't want them good old times
tew cum back agin; we amt pure
enuff now tew stand them, neither
are we tuff enuff.
Our virtews may he az pure in the
eyes ov heaven, but they kant stand
billed pork, and rum, of one hundred
years ago.
We are told that mankind are
growing weaker, and wiser; weaker l
admit, but wisdum that liz gained at
the expense Oy simplicity may be q
doubtful gain. se,-
Inever have met an old man yet who
didn't mourn the degeneracy Of the
times. al Z ~ o--h ''a1a'a 80,
Wisdunf don't konsist in knowing
more that iz new, but in knowing less
that liz false ~ FiS -
But, dear Weekly, will git back
where | am, and tell you sumthin
about New Ashford.
vIf youluya mountain cum up here
and see me. .-T
Right in front ov the little tavern,
where / am staying, rizes up chunk
ov land that will make you feel weak
tew look at it. ", u
have bin on its top, and far above
waz the brite blu ski, withouta klOud
swimming in it, while belo me the
rain shot slanting on the valley, and
the lightning played its mad pranks.
How is this for hi?
But what still place this New
Ashford liz.
n AT sunrise, the roosters crow ell
around once piece ; at sunset the
cows come following home tew' be
milked and at twilite out steal the
crickets, with a song, the burden OF
which seems sad and weary.
This IL all the racket there Is in New
Ashford. 1t is SO still here that you
can hear o featherdrop from blnjay's
tail.
Out of this mountain, squeezed by
the weight of H., leaks little brook of
water, and up and doun this brook 1
loiter. 49,,
In mi hand have q short pole, on
the end oy Q pole, o short line, and on
the line q sharp hook, looped on the
hook q grub, or q worm. .uf ~.
Every now and then there Gums
dancing out of this little brook live
trout no longer than yure finger. but
81 sweet. az a stik of candy, and in he
goes at the top of my baskit.
e This il what am here for trout
for breakfast, trout for dinner and
Sps I a j sys sapp7 liza ;i2h,s az a
yeriug heifer.,y
Ihsy not q kare on my mind, not an
axe III mi boldly. R"s -f'osfI
Haven't red nuzpaper for q week,
and wouldn't read one for dollar.
Isbali stay here till mi mummy gives
out, and shall cum bak tew the sense
less crash, oy, the city, with . tear In
mi eye, and holes in both oy my boots.
HEAITBuRN.AWhy the sensation .oc-l
casioned by the presence '6f, an acrid
acid in the stomach should be called
heartburn it is difficult to say, as the
distress is not even in the Immediate
vicinity of the heart. Common parlance,
| however, has sanctioned the misnOmer,
and like many other erroneous terms
in general use, it is now q. fixture in
our language. Bi-carbonate of soda is
usually given for heartburn; but it
merely neutralises the acidity for the
time being, and does not prevent d
speedy return of the complaint. In
fact, all the alkaline solutions given to
relieve the burning, serve to weaken
the stomach and thereby aggravate the
cause of the ailment, viz.-indigestion.
What is needed in such cases is some
thing, which, by toning and invigora-