Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1872-09-06
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

ONLY the rich in Europe can afford ice.
A SAFETY MATCH-Ten Thousand per
annum settled on the wife.
A HINDERANCE TO MARRIAGFf-Gov-
ernment tax on matches.
DAueHTERCULTURAL show" is the
latest name for fashionable party.
Cool PRoCEEDyNG-An ice man elop-
ing with nice girl
SPOTTED TAIL is recommended as a
radical authority on dandruff.
A SURE WAY TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION
Fall down in the mud.
MARRYING a woman for beauty is like
eating bird for its sweet singing.
NEVER undertake to fasten door with
lock from your own head.
A LITTLE girl who was asked to define
reading said: "It's hearing with the eyes
instead of with the ears. 4"
No WONDER stolen kisses get buzzed
about; they always travel from mouth to
mouth.
W. b. AsToR lives in mortal terror of
Nathans fate, and takes all reasonable
precautions to avert it.
A PARTY hearing of dog after Land
seer, wanted to know what he was after
him for
THE coal fields of China are said to
cover an area of upward of 400, 600 square
miles.
Boston bellies, it is said, are easily rec
Ognized by the heavy boots they wear
and their fondness for boiled onions and
corn on the cob.
AMERICAN green corn is sent during
the season IN large quantities to Liver
pool by Atlantic steamers.
"No COWS, no cream" was the way an
intelligent compositOr set up the words
No cross, no crown"
A TENDER HEARTED Chicago bus driver
saws he hates to run over mamie
thinks it hurts the springs. Boston Ad-
gertiser.
A CUBIC INCH of gold is worth $160. A
million dollars in gold, according to the
figures at the mint, weigh just about two
tons.
A NEW temperance organ is advertised;
it is called ga first. glass paper" Surely,
there must be a mistake somewhere.
A DELAWARE widow has been four
times married, and each time to the Pres
ident of a bank.
PROGRESS Of an operator in the wheat
corner in Chicago, is summed up thus:
''First stage: plenty money, no wheat
Second stage: plenty wheat, no money
Third stage: no wheat, no money"
A SHARP old gentleman, travelling out
West, got a seat beside his wife in
crowded railroad Car by requesting the
young man who sat by her to please
watch that woman while he went into
another car, as she had fits.
A GENTLEMAN addicted to scientific in
quiry, has discovered that thirty-three
days complete the cycle of the potato bug
generations that seven hundred OF the
critters are the average product OF one
female, from which the family grows in
the second generation to 245,000, and in
the third to 85,700,OO0.
A CALIFORNIA man has patented a de-
vice for the purpose of ettectlng on the
stages of theaters the rising, sinking, roll
ing and pitching motions of vessels at sea.
So perfect is the imitation that, in cOnnec-
ton with sheet-iron thunder, saltpeter
lightning and bellows wind, the actors are
made seasick.
AMONG the many rich towns, cities and
villages of Rhode Island, Newport, "thc
city by the sea-" shows weslth to the
amount of twenty-five millions, which
does not, of course, include transient
wealth. There are two of her citizens
who can almost write theirs with a." six
oughts," but fail by few thousands.
IT is reported that man in Cincin-
natl fell from the top of four-story
building, the other day, to the stone side
walk beneath, without being injured in
the least He was an insurance agent,
and struck on his cheek. At the time of
his fall he was leaning on the edge or the
roof, showing his papers at a painter
whom he had freed on a swinging scafiold
underneath
THE loss of nose may be painful, but
it is not a fatal catastrophe in the present
state of science. This is the way to make
a new nose: A small place is opened
upon the arm between the elbow and
shoulder. The arm is then brought up
to the stump of the nose, which is insert
ed in the cavity previously made. The
arm is next tied to the head, and allowed
to remain in that position until the nose
and arms grow together, which ordinarily
occurs in less than month. Another
amputation then takes place, which
leaves plenty Of good flesh sticking to
the nose; and this, when trimmed, is
nose as good as-better, sometimes, in
point of symmetry and beauty than-the
individual ever possessed before.
THE following is the law of Illinois
concerning betting on elections: "Sec-
tion 85. Whoever bets or wagers
any money, property, or other valu-
able thing upon the result of an
election which may be held under the
constitution or laws of this State; or bets
or wagers money, property, or other valu-
able thing upon the number of votes which
may be given to any person at an election,
or upon who will receive the greatest
number of votes at an election; or agrees
to pay any other person any money,
property, or other valuable thing, in the
event that an election shall result in one
way; or in the event that any person
shall, or shall not, be elected, or shall re-
ceive a greater number of votes than
others, upon conviction thereof he shall
be fined in a sum not exceeding one
thousand dollars, or imprisoned in the
county Jail not exceeding one year, or
both, in the discretion of the court"
THE manufacture of news seems to
have been reduced to science in En-
gland, long ago, if we may trust letter
recently published in the Birmingham
Gazette. In 1857, carpet-bag, containing
human remains, was found in the Thames.
Its discovery and the resulting police in
vestigations formed staple of news for
very many days. Public attention has
lately been recalled to by the announce,
ment that soldier in India had confessed
to throwing the bag into the river. An
ex.editor shows, in the Gazette, that this
confession is merely shrewd scheme to
get free and speedy passageto England.
he tells the real story of the affair. A
penny-a-liner, at his wits ends for an
item and the resulting supper, got body
and bag from a dissecting-room, threw