Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1872-06-22
Varieties.

WHEN bootmaker commences to
make q boot, the first thing he uses is
the "last.'
"GooD morning, Squire. Got any
thing ncw?' Yes, I've got the nc,o-
ralgia, and it hurts terribly"
"THE prisoner has very smooth
countenance." dyes; he was ;roned
Just before he was brought in. That
accounts for it,"
"PRIsoNER, why did you follow this
man and beat and kick him so shame
fully 2' | am sorry, yer honor; ] was
little drunk, and | thought it was my
wife"
"I DON'T care much about the bugs"
said W. to the head of renteel board
ing house, but the fact is, madam,
have not the blood to spare; you see
that yourself"
A SMALL Georgian was petitiOning for
our daily bread" previous to retiring,
when he was interrupted by his Younger
brother, who whispered, "Ask for cake,
Johny; ask for cake"
A AFAIR-HAIrED,lo ,love.sick youth in Ohio
presented his "g girl" with pair of those
new tangled metallic garters on Christ
mas. He thought they were the latest
thing in bracelets, and he only discov-
cred his mistake upon requesting her to
try them on" He does not 60 there
any lore.
DURING the war, an Irishman who was
posted with musket on duty, and had
Of h,
was accosted by an officer with, What
are you here for?' Faith, your hon
or said Pat, with his accustomed grin
of good humor, "they told me l was
here for a century"
RECENT writer says that it is some
what remarkable that thieves are so
improvident that they never lay any
thing up. They never lay anything
down either when they have once taken
it up; and by strange coincidence,
career passed in taking up ends by their
being taken up themselves.
A CONTEMPORARY tells this funny an
ecdote Wake up, here, and pay for
your lodging" said the deacon, as he
nudged a sleepy stranger with the con
tributon box. We were there, and we
heard the sleepy stranger murmur, with
glance at the minister, whose sermon
had narcotized him, Lodging! and
bored too ~
A GENTLEMAN once asked little girl,
an only child, how many sisters she had,
and was told three or four" Her
mother asked Mary when they were
alone what induced her to tell such an
untruth. "Why, mama," said Mary,
~ didn't want him to think that you
were so poor that you had but one child.
Wouldn't he think we were drefful
poor.
A WELSH clergyman applied to his
dioccasan for living. The bishop
promised him one; but as the clergy
man was taking his leave he expressed
hopes that his lordship would not send
him to the interior of the principally,
as his wife could not speak Welsh.
1" Your wife, sir |" said the Bishop,
"what as your wife to do with it? She
does not preach, does she?' "No, my
lord,' said the parson, "but she lee
tures.n
The Rev. Mr.. H had large fam
lily Of unruly boys, but as none of them
would confess it, he declared he would
whip them all, and then he. would be
sure to punish the real cuprit. Lisp
ing johnny the youngest, retired to a
corner and grumbled "What is that
you say?" asked his father. 81 thaid,"
whimpered Johny, that'th .jutht the
way old Herod did. He killed all the
children, tho that he would be thurc to
kill Jethuth."
"ToMNY, my son, what are you going
to do with that club ?' Send it to the
editor, of course" "But what are you
sending it to the editor for?" "Cause
he says if anyone will send him club
he will senG them copy of his paper
The mother came near faintIng, but re-
tanned consciousness enough to ask:
But, Tommy, dear, what do you sup
pose the editor wants with club?'
"Well, don't know" replied the hope
full urchin, "unless it is to KIN ock down
subscribers who don't pay for their
paper"
A MAN who gave the young idea les,
sons in artillery practice in Charlestown
was in the habit of opening the session
of the school with prayer, of which he
had two or three set forms. He usually
went through these with his eyes clos
ed. but one day he opened them and
saw one young lady staring him in the
face with her eyes wide open. With
out departing from the solemn mono
tone which he used on such occasions
he went on "And may we never say
Matilda Pool, stand on your stool.'
Matilda stood.