Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1872-06-14
Cousin Sally billiard.
BY HAMILTON c. JONES

CCousin Sally billiard is a story that
must not die and as it has been some time
since the public have been called upon to
! laugh over its exquisite righteousness, we
will give it a stait again ::
SCENE.-A court Of justice in South
! Carolina.
A beardless disciple Of Thems rises and
thus addresses the court ''May it please
your worship and you gentlemen OF the
jury, since it has been my fortune good or
bad | will not say), to exercise myself in
legal disquisltiOn, it has never befdllen ne
TO be obliged to prosecute SO direfully
marked an assault. x more wilful, yio-
lent and dangerous battery. aud finally 4
more diabOlical breach Of the peace, has
seldom happened in civilized country,
and | dale say it seldom has been your
duty TO pass upon one SO shocking to be-
! ncvo!ent feelings, as this which took place
! oyer at Captain Rice's in this county; but
yoll will hear from tine Witnesses
! he witnesses being sworn, two or three
were examined and deposed: One said
that he heard The noise but did not see the
light; another that lie saw the row. but
did not know who struck first, and another
that he was very drunk and couldn't say
much about the skrimmage.
Lawyer Chops am sorry, gentlemen,
to have occupied yOur time with the stu
pdity OF the witnesses examined. 1t arises,
gentlemen, altogether from Il miSapprc-
hcnSon on my part. Had | known as L
do, that | had IL witness who was aC-
quainLed will all the circumstances Of the
cas2, and who WAS able TO make himself
clearly understood to the court and jury, 1
should not have trespassed 50 long on your
patience. Come forward, Mr.. Harris, and
be sworn.
50 forward comes the witness, d fat,
chuiiy old man, Il ''leetle" cOIncd, and took
his oath with an air.
Chops Harris, we wish you TO ten abOu
the riot thai happened the other day at
Captain Rice,s, ana a5 good deal of time
has already been wasted in circumlOcutiOn,
We wish You to be compenduous, at The
| same time as explicit as pOssithe.
Harris---ldzakly (giving the lawyer
knowing wink at the same time clearing
his throat Capt. Rice, he gin treat, and
cousin Sally billiard she comes over to our
house and axed me if Iuy wife she Inoutn't
90? | told cousin Safly billiard my wifi.
was poorly, being as how she had touch
of rheumatics in the hip, and the big swamp
was up in the road, there having been
great deal Of rain lately, but howsoever, as
it was she, cousin Sally billiard, my wife
she mout 90. Wei then cousin Sally Dill
lard then axed me if Nose he 1uoltn't 20 ?
l told cousin Sally. billiard that he was the
foreman of the crap, and the crap was
sinartly in the grass, but howsoeger, as it
was she, cousin Sally Dillard, Nose he
mout go.
Chops-In the name of common sense,
= Harris, what do you mean by this rig
~, IL?
3. c>s- aptain Rice, he gin treat,
a. tisin oahy DilIlrd, she came over to
my house and asked me fmy wife she
nloutn't go? and l told cousin Sally Dill
lard
Ghops-S.op, sir, if you please; we don't
want to hear about your Sally Dillard or
your wife; tells US about the fight at Rices.
Witness-Well, will sir, if you will let
me.
Chop-WeIl, sir, go on.
Witness-Well, sir, Captain Rice, he