davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-11-12
A LudicrOus Mistake.

A Cincinnati grocery house, fiuding out
that cranbeTies commanded six dollars
per bushel and under the impression that
the article could be bought to advantage
at st. Mary's, wrote out to a customer, ac-
quainting him with the fact, and requesting
him to send "one hundred bushels per
Simmons" (the wagner usually sent. J
The correspondent, a plain, uneducated
man, had considerable difficulty in deci-
pheriug the fashionable scrawl common
with merchants clerks of late years, and
the most important word, Cranberries,'
he failed to make out, but he did plainly
and clearly rea done hundred bushels Per-
simmons. AS the article was growing all
around him, all the boys in the neighbor-
hood were set to gathering it, and the
wagoner made his appearance in due time
in Cincinnati, with eighty bushels, all that
the wagon bed would hold, and line from
the country merchant that the remainder
would follow the next trip. An explanation
soon ensued, but the customer insisted that
the Cincinnati house should have written
By Simmons and not per Simmons.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-11-12
Qbe Gnrtes, Nep BloomftclO, 1]a.
Sell.

A Yankee arriving in Boston without
money or friends was revolving in his mind
some plan whereby he. could raise the
"chink," as he expressed it. Jonathan
had never visited city before in his life.
He strolled into shoemaker's where an
advertisement, "Wanted, First Glass
Boot Maker" appeared on the window, and
accosted the proprietor:
"Do you want a first class boot maker
herep"
eyes"
"What do you pay?''
"That depends on your capacity. Have
you worked at custom work ?"
"I reckon. You jest try me, captain, l
hain't skeered bit at tryin'.'
The proprietor gave his new hand bench
and materials and babe him make pair of
ladies' CATERS. Soon after he left the store
on business.
Jonathan made shoe, but such a horrl-
bic rffair, that, ashamed to show it, he hid
it in the leather shavings; just as he COM
pleted the second shoe the proprietor re-
turned. He flew into passion at behold
ing the botched shoe.
You confounded rascal, so bad q shoe
as that has never been made in this estab-
lishment ~ he exclaimed.
"Would you like to bet op that, stran-
gerP"
I" Bet Yes will bet ten dollars no
such work as that was ever done in this
store ~
Jonathan walked to the shavings drag
ged forth his first shoe, and coolly pocketed
his ten dollars, and walked off.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-11-12
Smiths Proposal.

A story is told of preacher who lived
and we could write his real name, but pre-
fer to call him Smith. He resisted many
persuasions to marry, which his friends
were constantly making, until he had reach
ed tolerably advanced age, and he him
self began to feel the need of, or at least to
have new ideas of the comfort of being
nursed with woman's gentle care. Shortly
after entering one of his circuits, maiden
lady, also of ripe years, was strongly recon-
mended to him, and his friends again urged
that he had better get married, representing
that the lady named would probably not
refuse to accept him, notwithstanding his
reputed eccentricities.
"Do you think thoP" responded the
dominic, for he Very perceptibly lisped
"then I'll go and thee her."
He was man of his word. His ring at
the door-bell was answered by the serving
maid.
eth NTH P-within ?" briskly but
calmly asked the lover.
Yes, Sir. Will you walk imp
"No, thank you. Be kind enough to
thay to NTH P---that / with to thpeak to
her moment"
Miss P--appeared, and repeated the
invitation to walk in.
"No, thank you; I'll thoon explain my
buthiness Pm the new preacher Pm
unmarried. My friendth think I'd better
marry. They recommend you for my
wife. Have you any objection9"
"Why, really, Mr.. Sm-"
"There-don't anthwer now. Will call
thith day week for your reply. Good-day."
On that day week he reappeared at the
door of Miss P-'s residence. It was
promptly opened by the lady herself.
"Walk in, Mr.. Smith"
p" Can not, ma'am. Have not time.-
Start on my circuit round in halt an hour.
lth your anthwer ready, ma'am?''
"Oh, do walk in, Mr.. Smith,
"Can't indeed, ma'am. Pleath anthwer
me-Yeth or No."
"Well, Mr.. Smith it is a very serious
matter. should not like to get out of the
soay Of Prooidence-''
81 perfectly understand you, NTH P.
We will be married thith day week. will
call at thith hour. Pleath be ready"
He called on that daNweek, at that hour.
She was ready; they were married, and
lived happily several years.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-11-12
An Experiment with Paper Car Wheels.

The Springfield Republican says the Con-
necticut River Railroad Company is about
introducing, for trial, a set of paper car
wheels under the forward truck of one of
its engines. These wheels have been known
to car-builders for some time, but the de-
mand for them has been moderate on ac-
count of their cost, notwithstanding the
universally acknowledged fact that they
are safe and easy going. The wheels are
manufactured byputtinga pressure of three
hundred and fifty tons upon common straw
paper, which forces them into compact
mass which is then turned perfectly round
and the hub forced in to hole in the
centre, this requiring pressure of twenty
five tons weight. The tire is of steel and
has one-quarter inch bevel upon its inner
edge, thus allowing the paper filling to be
forced in, two hundred and fifty tons pres
sure being required in the process. Two
iron plates one on each side of the paper,
are bolted together, which prevents the pos
sibility of the filings coming out. The
tire rests upon the paper only and partakes
OF its elasticity in consequence. Although
these wheels are much more expensive than
those in common use, the patentee claims
that they are cheaper in the end, as they
wear longer, injure the track less, and run
with less noise than wheels of any other
pattern.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-11-12
What Smoking does for Boys.

A certain doctor, struck with the large
number of boys under fifteen years of age
whom he observed SIN okiug, was led to in
quire into the effect the habit had upon the
general health. He took for his purpose
thirty-eight boys, aged from nine to fifteen
and carefully examined them. In twenty
seven of them he discovered injurious traces
of the habit In twenty-five there were
various disorders of the circulation and di-
gestion, palpitation of the heart, and more
or less marked taste for strong drink. In
twelve there was frequent bleeding Of the
nose, ten had disturbed sleep, twelve had
slight alterations of the mucus membrane
of the mouth, which disappeared on ceas-
ing from the use of tobacco for some days.
The doctor treated them all for weak
ness, but with little effect until the smok-
ing was discontinued, when health and
strength were soon restored.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-11-12

GB-A "Special'' Despatch-Scene A
metropolitan hotel telegraph office, early
Monday morning Young gentleman oper-
ator, after repeated calls for young lady
operator in branch Office, at last gets Il
response, and then, "click, click, click,
click" (fortissimo), he telegraphs back to
her vehemently, 81 have been trying to
catch you for the last half hour" In a
moment the following spicy reply came
tripping back TO him over the wires from
the telegraphic suburban maiden; "Pooh |
That's nothing; there is young man here
who has been trying to do the same thing
for the last two years, and he hasn't caught
me yet"
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-11-12

G$- In Kansas town lives man who is
somewhat noted as money lender and a
devoted church member. He came to the
State with little ready money, and TAX
ing advantage of the high rates of interest
paid by land Spectators in that overtraded
region, he amassed quite fortune, and be-
came known by all as the Shylock Of.
Not long ago he bought lot in the ceme-
terry, and was contemplating the luxury of
a family tomb, and in his bargain with the
stone-cutter it was agreed that stanza was
to be cut upon the monument. The monu-
ment being nearly completed, the stone
cutter called for his selection. Our friend
handing him check in full, replied:
81 am well satisfied with your work; the
stone suits me exactly. I'll just trust you
to select something appropriate. am
busy just now.
The stone-cutter remembering an old
grudge, and feeling the money was in his
pocket, concluded to show his customers s
nature up in its own mirror.
A week later imagine our rich mans
chagrin, when in company with friends he
had gone to see his expensive shaft of gran
ite, TO find these words:
Here lies old Thirty FIVE Per Cent
The more he made the less he spent.
Friends and kindred both he shaved.
And how can such a soul be saved n,
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-11-12

GB-At party where questions were
asked, and facetious answers were expec-
ted, coal dealer asked what legal authori-
ty was the fayorite with his trade. One
answered, "Coke." "Right," said the
coal dealer. Another suggested "Blaclx-
stone" "Good, too" said the questioner.
Then a little hardfaced man in the corner
piped out Littleton," whereupon the coal
dealer sat down without saying anything.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-11-12

GB They tell about man out in Doyles-
town, in this State, who heard that well
water could be purified with lime, so he
emptied bushel and half into his well,
and felt blissful and happy. 1t turned
out that, because of the dryness of the
season, there was only three feet of water
in the well, and ever since his experiment
he has been selling good article of white
wash to his neighbors at two buckets for
cent. and walked mile and half to the
creek for drinking water for his family
He has his doubts now about lime being
good purifier. ~
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-11-12
Short.

A lady who had received severe bite on
her arm from dog went to DR.. Abernethy,
but hearing of his aversions to hear the
statement of particulars, she merely un-
covered the injured part and held it before
him in silence. After examining it he said
in an inquiring tone, Z" Scratch ?'' " Bite"
said the lady. "Cat9" inquired the doc
tor. Dog" replied the lady. So de-
lighted was the doctor with the brevity and
promptness of the lady's answers that he
exclaimed, "Zounds, madam, you are the
most sensible woman have met with in all
my life p
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-11-12
The U. B. Mutual
Aid Society of Pennsylvania,

Present the following plan for consideration to
uch persons who wish to become members;
The payment Of SIX DOLLARS on application,
FIVE DOLLARS annually for -FOUR YEARS, and
thereafter TWO DOLLARS annually during life,
with pro-rata mortality assessment at the death
OF each member, which for the FIRST GLASS Is as
follows:
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-11-12

Will entitle a member to certificate of ONE
THOUSAND DOLLARS, to be paid at his death
to his legal heirs or assigns, whenever such death
may occur
A member or his heirs, may name a successor;
but IL notice OF the death of member to the Sec
retary is not accompanied with the name Of sue
cess0r, then the Society will put In successor and
nll the vacancy, according to the Constitution of
the Society.
Should the member die before his four pay
ments of fye dollars are made, the remaining un-
paid part will be deducted from the one Thousand
Dollars due his heirs; his successor will then pay
only tiuo dollars annually during his lifetime and
the mortality assessments.
~ Male and Female from fifteen to sixty-hve
years Of age, OF good moral habits in good health,
hale, and sound OF mind, irrespective Of creed, or
race, may become members. For further infoma-
tion address L. w. CRAUMER
(Secy U. b. Mutual Aid Society,"
LEBANON, PA.
AGENTS TAINTED!
Address
D. s. EARLY,
6 81 Sm pdl Harrisburg, Pa.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-11-12

e8- The love of glory can only create a
hero the contempt Of it creates wise
man.
The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1872-12-16
The Real velpau Female Pills.
Warranted French.

These Pills so celebrated many years ago In
Paris FIR the relief Of female Irregularities and AT
erw ards for their criminal employment Ia the prac
ice q, abortion, ar now offered for sale for the hrsf
time In America They have been kept in compare
tive urity from the flct that the originator Dr.
Velpuu h physician IN Pari-. OF great wealth. and
has conscientious principles. and has withheld
them from general use lest they should be employed
for unlawful purposes,
In overcoming Female Distractions Falling or the
Womb, Whites Green Sickness Suppression, Re
tenlion. or Immoderate Flow OF the Monthly DIE
charges Nervous aud Spinal Affections, Pains In the
Back and Limbs, Fatigue slight exe7tion, Palpita-
ton OF the Heart Mysteries, &C, and VIII affect a
cure when all other means have failed and. although
powerful remedy, do not contain ealomel antimo-
nv. or ANYTHING huTtful TO the constitution.
To married ladies and Young girls who have neve ?
been regulated, they peculiarly suited They
win, IN ashurt t1me, bring on the monthly period
with REGULARITY.
CAUrIoN Married ladies should never take them
whru there j. apy reason to believe themselves preg
mani f,r hey will he sure TO produce miscarriage.
Ladies can procure box sealed from the eyes 81
the curious by enclosing dollar and six pOsthCt
starup~ 10 NJ W MACON Der, GeneFst Agent foi
United State and 'anad4-. 4; ALBANY, y. or any
authorized agent
p $ Consultation by mail on all di-ea-es Of
Prfrdfe Nature in both sexes, and will supply JafGi
H5ls Remedies securely packed from observation
Further Information forwarded receipt of I'VE
stamp for return postage. Address AZ above.
5-44dwly
The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1872-12-16
rHE AzKATsGs 0uEsTrOx

Baxter, the Radical candidate, claims to
have been elected Governor in Arkansas
by majority Of 1000 votes, and the Off
cial returns show dis TO be true; but
Brooks, the Fusion candidate, claims that
if the Official returns were fairly made, he
would be elected By 5000 majority There
is not doubt that Baxter's majority has
been secured BY infamous official frauds
both W the registration, and IN the isnlpn-
lation Of the poll-books--the very causes
on which the, custom house faction IN
another Southern State, Louisiana, are at
tempting 10 exclude NcEnery, the Demo
cratic governor elect, and overthrow the
Democratic legislature. 1t is said that
Brooks and his friends are strongly. inclin-
ed 10 SET up their own government and
take the chances but this is dangerous
measure, and many Of the Democrats who
supported Brooks who is himself Re-
publiean) are averse to it, Il is probable,
therefore, that he will appeal to the legis
lature and demand an investigation of the
election frauds. The legislature is Radi.
ad butitis thought thatsu an amount
Of infamous fraud could be proved that
it would be compelled 20 admit the force
Of it, LLLL-y 5JL-4-L..
There some doubt whether Bill vii
shire gets TO be Congressman, after all.
Read the articles in this paper from the
Fayetteville, Arks., Democrat and the Lit
tie Rock Garette II is evident that the
people did not not elect him, aud that the
MINISTRIES, as the carperbaggers, scala
Was, and negroes are called down there,
are trying 70 elect their candidates by
fraudulent returns The Gazette says
If they give Wiltshire the certificate we
warn them now that they viii have u con
test before Congress that will be no child
play This looks bad for "the gentleman
from Port Byron Where Sam Allen
But then good God what can one MAJ
do2
The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1872-12-16
Read This:

A COMPLEMENTARY TESTIMONIAL TO
MESSRS. j. & C. MAGUTRE, ST Louis Ne Gen
tiemen:-Ihe undersigned having known YOU for
many years reliable chemists and Pharmachutists
and observing the effective action of your remedies
for whatever recommended. wish To bear voluntary
evidence tothe efficacy of you lrst and IN onr epin
Ion, best preparation, "MAGUlRE'S CUNDIkAN-
GO BlTTERS-" 1t is all that You claim for II az an
alternative purgative deparator ssd dureic, acting
specially upon the liver, blood Kidneys and bowels
JOSEPH BROWN, Mayor, who adds: II have
found this the most pleasant and effective medicine
have ever used
MILES SELLS. State Insurance Commissioners
who adds: u endorse the Mayors opinion .
THC,S RICHEsoN, S.HLEFLINN,
Pres. White Lead q on Of Lefiin Rand Powder
CO. Co
D. III HoUsEs. GAS. D. CONFER.
Prop 81, Louis Globe Chi Dem Cen. Gem
W E, WAGNER, P. G. FuRGES0N,
Clerk Probate Court. "yenks,t OF No. Dem
BRITAIN A. HILL HENRY r. MJTDD
Attorney at Law. Late City & County ASS g.
5. BLOOD, FRANK VALE,
Late Prest. b TIM ms. Savings elk. Court Criminal
Assn. Correct
NORMAN ]. GOLMAN, z. NJ CHAMBERS
Pub Rural Home Pres. But & Drov Bank
n. j HARTNETT, Il. S. GREENWOOD,
Late City Collector. Tres. Y NJ C. A
THCS. WALSH, A. SHkYOCk.
Architect of Shryock & Co.
NJ. Il. ANDREWS, VT GAY,
of Moody Michael g. Go. ofGay Hammer amp q Co
THERON BAkNUM. JAMES ARCHER
OF Barnams Hotel. benver, Col.
And many others too numerous to mention,
ia c. MAGUIRE,
Sole Rroprietors,
Price 75c per bottle. St. Louis, No.
The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1872-12-16
fsstilAeaial for Epilepsy /


BowAYToN Conn, Feb. 9 1874
DR. o. PHELPS BRowS, No. 81 Grand St, Jersey City
Nj
Dear Sir:-My brother who is now in his 18th
year, has been subject to Epilepsy FITS from child
hood The spasms would Invariably occur during
the night, and our local physicians here could do
nothing to help him save prescribing Bromide or
Potassium, which would afford only temporary
lief He was gradually but surely becoming insane,
and In this condition procured your restorative
stimulant, herbal ointment and plls, and used as
directed, and but a short time elapsed before the
spasms entirely ceased his intellect grew brighter
and in short entirely restored to perfect health
You may USE this testimonial as you may deem prop
er as what l have said are facts. a.. 5lE
Respectfully yours,
febl3dw1y - CHARLES RAYMOND.
The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1872-12-16
THE GREELEY ELECTORS.
PromiscuOus scattering Of Votes by the DEM
ocratic Colleges.

The vote for President in the eight
States which were claimed by the Demo
Gratis was, thus divided; Greeley 3; B.
Gratz Brown, "a 7. A, Hendricks, AZ;
@. ] Jenkins, 2; David Davis, Il; blank,
s. orVice President the vote was divided;
Brown, So n, P. Banks, 7; G. w. Julian
5; A. Fl. Colquit, 5; j. NJ Palmer .
T. Z. Bramlette, 8 !; w. S. GroesbeeKkst ~ ! '
W. B. Machen, |. In Missouri one Flee
tor on the Greeley and Broye ticket re-
or Vice, President case without prece-
dent in the history of Presidential elections,
In Arkansas and Louisiana the Republican
Flectors claim their election and cast their
votes for Grant and Wilson. The follow
inc Is the vote in detail;
FOR PRESIDENT
The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1872-12-16

4. HTHokAB q co., and Smith 4 On
The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1872-12-16

The radicals of the lower house of Con-
gress were guilty Of very characteristic
piece Of business on the 18th. The bill
came up to reimburse William and Mary
college, in Virginia, for property destroyed
during the war. Mr.. Shanks moved as an
amendment that the payment be made con-
ditional upon the college being opened to
eolored students, and notwithstanding it
appeared that there was in that immediate
vicinity an institution Of the same grade
The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1872-12-16
The following additional proceedings
were had in the Board

On motion OF supervi-or Kerworthy an appro
priation Of fD0 was made and ulaced IN The hand,
Of NJ Beardsley with instructions 10 purchas,
Tor the children OF the Illinois soldiers, DrphaDs
Home onristmhs presents and forward them In du,
season together with exprepsi0n of their vyishe
that they might enjoy merry Christmas anr
happy New Year
on motion Of Supervisor Little the special thank
Of the Board were rendered to the children al IN,
Home for their efforts towards making the yislt a
The fngfubara u the Hornp pleaaauf
The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1872-12-16

II person has Consumption, of course the lungs
in some diseased, either tuberces abscesses
bronchial irritations, pleura adhesion exist the
lungs are mass Of inflammation and fast decaying.
In such what must be dones II is not only the
lungs that are wasting but it is the whole body.
The stomach and liver have lost their power to make
blood out offOod Now, the only chance is to take
DIR. Schenck's three medicines which will bring up
tone to the stomach, the patient will begin to want
food it will digest easily and make good blood; then
the patient begins to gain in flesh and as soon as the
body begins to grow the lungs commence to heal up
and the patient gets aeshy and well. This is the
only way TO Consumption.
The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1872-12-16
CONDITION POWDERS.
n o SO H Is.
Celebrated Improved
CONDITION 20 wDERS.
For Horses, Cattle, Sheep,
Hogs and Fowls.

The cheapest and only safe certain and reliable
Medicine for some Of the uiSea peculiar 10 al OF
these animals
For Horses and Cattle They arc a Sovereign
remedy for Loss of appetite, Hide bound, D1stenl-
pers, rheumatism, Inward Strains. Fevers. Fuun-
der. &c &c And sure cue for Coughs and
Colds which is the fouuda ion of the more fatal dir
eases. These Powders are compounded, and of
such ingre diens that ali Of their valuable qualities
blend in harmonious uneon, which readily enter n
70 the elements ofhe biond and juices and are there
by made to penetrate livery part Of the system Thus
assisting in allayng fevers and iuamatiuus,
breaking up cnlds, stopping coughs, removing un-
healthy distractions, iaOsening the skin, opening
It's pores causing III hair lie smooth, and giving
il glossy, soft appearance purifying the blood, Civ
ing tune u The stomach and digestive organs, and
impartng new llle yigor and strength to the animal
few doses of these Powders will produce won
derful effect upon these animals
For sheep, they perfect remedy FOR Distem
pers, Foot R"i, want of Appetite, Wool Dropping
Scurvy. &C, and by feeding once week free y, viii
prevent ali he above Diseases.
FOR Hogs they will keep in better eondiii ion, Fat
ten Quicker, and less food. Half Package
should be mixed in every barrel Of swiil. These
Powders have new, been known to fail to cure thai
fatal disease known Hog Cholera.
BE SURE AND CALL FOR NORRIS.
Price 25cts per package. or five for 81.
Prepared and sold wholesale and retail by G. G
NORRIS, CLEVELAND, u, and sold by Druggists ant
Merchants generally
For sale Ivy John Bensston, Rock lsiand.
IO-dmygftn
The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1872-12-16

When there is no lung disease, and only Liver
Compliant and Dyspepsia, Schcnk's seaweed Tonic
and Mandrake Pills sufficient, without the Pull
monte Syrup. Take the Mandrake Pills freely in all
bilious complaints as they perfectly harmless.
DIR. Schenck, who has enjoyed uninterrupted health
for many years past, and now weighs 225 pounds,
was wasted away TO a mere skeleton, in the very
last stage Of Pulmonary Consumption, his physicians
having pronounced his case hopeless, and abandoned
him to his fate. He was cured by the aforesaid med
ictnes, and since his recovery many thousands sim
ilary afflicted have used his preparations with the
same remarkable success. Full directions accompa-
ny EACH making it not absolutely necessary to per
sonaIly DR. Schenck, unless patients wish their
lungs examined.