Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1872-03-14
VariptipS.

VdrIebleSs
How to make a clean sweep: Wash
him.
If your tent is not waterproof. you
should pitch it.
A LoAFER is comparatively speaking,
better than loaf.
WHAT fruit is, the most visionary :?
The apple of the eye.
AN overdressed woman is perfect
hon se-a clothes horse.
LEAVE well alone is good rule, but
| leave i'll alone is a better.
The tyrant Gessler is said to have
started the phrase Blood Will Tell"
BROWN writes to learn if a policeman
has any legal right to take up' a
| note.
THOUGH Titania bade Bottom listen
! to her, she never asked him to lend
her his ears.
AT Independence, Kansas, they
manufacture the best whiskey in the
State. "Thy spirit, Independence, let
me share"
A CHICAGO actor who was addicted to
the use of the flowing bowl, was alluded
| to as living specimen of the mellow
| drammer.
THE young widow who was buried in
| grief is now alive and doing we'll. 1t
was only another instance of premature
| interment.
| I CAUGHT her softly in my arms, my
gentle, blue-eyed Kate; she squealed,
" Let go, you cussed fool, you hurt my
| vaccinate p
A FEMALE student in Michigan Uni
versity is said to saw far more wood
| than any of her male associates. 1t
need scarcely be added that she is in the
saw-far-more class.
WHAT word is that in the English
| language the first two letters of which
signify man, the first three a woman,
the first four great man, the whole a
| great woman?-Heroine.
A YOUNG man, having late railroad
| disaster in mind, has broken his en-
gagement with young lady, because
she is negligent about her train and
does not mind her switch.
"WHY doesen't your father take a
newspaper ?' asked a man of little
boy whom he found pilfering one from
his door step. 60 Cause he'd rather
| eSho hIO " 1ethO IL, was 1lO IOp1y.
JOSH BILLINGS thinks that the Gov
ernment should offer $40 for every
civilized Indian, and declare the proof
of civilization to be the production of
some of his back-hair with the skin at
| tached.
A VETERAN observer says: "I never
| place much reliance on a man who is
always telling what he would have done
had he been there. I have noticed
that somehow this kind of people never
get thore."
A JAPANESE nobleman named Motoi
Asyuma is travelling in the South, hav-
| ing recently arrived by steamer at
Charleston. The name isn't as hard to
pronounce Asyu-ma think, being in fact
quite Japan-easy.
MAMMA Ito Naughty Boy)-You
should always behave the same,
whether you are in company or not.
Naughty Boy-Well, ma, why don't you
behave the same as you do to company
and press us to have another tart?
A coUNTRYMAN in Savannah observed
gang of darkies laboring on the
streets, each wearing ball and chain.
He asked one why that ball was chained
to his leg. To keep people from steal.
ing it," said the darkey; cheap OF
thieves about here"
A PERSON who was called into court
for the purpose of proving the correct
ness of a doctors bill, was asked by a
lawyer whether the doctor did not
make several visits after the patient was
out of danger" "No," replied the
witness, al consider the patient in dan
ger as long as the doctor continues his
visits"
AN old bachelor, picking up book,
exclaimed, upon seeing a woodcut rep
resenting a man kneeling at the foot ot
woman, "Before would kneeJ to q
woman I would encircle my neck with
a rope, and stretch it." And then
turning to young woman, he inquired
"Do you not think it would be the
best thing l could do?" cit would un
doubtedly be the best for the woman,'
was the sarcastic reply.
A VACANCY having occurred in a Ger
tain church by reason of the resigna
ton of the organist, the music commit
tee advertised for a candidate as organ
ist, music teacher, etc. Among the
numerous replies was the following pc
culiar announcement: "Gentlemen :
noticed your advertisement for organis
and music teacher, either lady O.
gentleman. Having been both for severa
gears, offer you my services"
Newspaper COurtesies in Texas.
The Golden Rule was long since reaC
! out of politics, but seems to be nowher'
so thoroughly ignored as in Texas.
week or so ago, Democratic paper il
that State had its Office completely de
st1oyed by fire. The editor of its Re
publican rival is evidently new conner
, Not understanding the approved Texa1
n method of conducting political combats
y he offered the burned out journalist
; the free use of his presses, type, etc