The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1872-03-08
QUILL SCRATCHES.
ny MAX ADELER.

A MAN In Syracuse, says an exchange,
finds himself under the necessity Of writ.
ing a long letter to q newspaper in favor
of kissing at church sociables. Wehave
never taken sides In the discussion Of this
interesting and important subject, but we
are inclined to think that II It became
clearly apparent that the cause Of public
morality would be materially advanced
and the efficiency Of the ecclesiastical
system largely increased by The introduc-
ton Of this invigorating exercise at socia-
bles, we would readily sacrifice whatever
personal feeling we have in tho matter
and favor it, provided this Office Is per-
mitted to have q representative present to
form an opinion OF the practical opera.
tions OF the system.
THE people OF Nashville arc amazed at
the performance Of o boy who plays one
tune on the piano with his LEFT hand, and
another tune with his right, whistles
third, and beats bass drum with his
toes. We are glad that this deplorable
tlend lives as fur away as Nashville. If
he resided In our neighborhood, a pro.
found sense Of duty would impel us to
cram him full of percussion caps and then
drop him off French roof upon the pave.
ment SO as to snap that prodigy of, as it
were. We could not endure him. II is
bad enough to have one girl next door
iumbling around over piano all the time,
trying to jolt out "The Maiden's Prayer"
and another on the other side engaged
in frantic efforts to sing Beware !" while
the infatuated pagan across the street
strains himself at The flute. We would
have to kill that Nashville boy II he came
about.
CERTAINLY tho New York Herald is an
extraordinary newspaper. Upon the
occasion Of the visit oil Queen Victoria to
81. Pauls cathedral, the other day, the
Herald not only gave an account OF the
procession, but history OF every other
procession that ever proceshed from tho
time Adam marched out OF Paradise down
to February 81, 1879, with biographical
sketches Of all the people who carried
tho banners and wore their Sunday
clothes. We actually believe that II a
report should be received at the Herald
office that the Car Of Russia had sudden
ly been afflicted with o bald head, that
journal would Immediately print an &c.
count Of all the bald heads that have ex-
listed since the Christian eriI, with maps
and diagrams showing the method Of
distributing the remnants OF hair in each
case, and then pretend that the whole
Concern-pictures and all-came over the
cable from a special correspondent sta
toned somewhere out on the steppes Of
Tartary. There is nothing like enterprise
in journalism.
A FRRNCHMAN named Professor Plan
tanlour informs us that a gigantic comet
is rapidly approaching the earth, and will
strike 1t on tho 18th OF August of this
year, when tho world will be consumed
This prophecy Is confirmed by an egg
laid by hen in Delaware, and bearing
an inscription to the same general effect.
Unless the Professor was in collision
with the hen, this remarkable coincidence
appears to settle the matter beyond
question. In view Of the fact, then, that
the conaagration Is to take place on the
18th OF August, We cannot be too thankful
that we have paid fire department.; and
care ought TO be taken that it Is at hand,
ready Tor service when the fire begins.
Persons who feel any interest in the event
will find q full report In this paper on
the 18Th, with list OF the assurances.
Wo shall publish this journal In a fire.
proof safe during the conflagration; and,
as we know that our regular office will be
burned out; we solicit subscriptions in I'D.
vance in aid Of the sufferers in this Office.
Money. sent To our address will be thank
lully received, promptly acknowledged,
and effectively spent.
IT WILL hardly be believed, and yet
another man actually has written poem
about the Chicago fire, and stretched It
out into thirty. flour verses, too. This Is
the way he begins: -r. l.s.r
"HArk what hOniSh glare Is that see upon the
Is that tho aurora borealls that streams AlOrt on
highS .r
No Il g the bloody FirC.Gend whose banners l
And he will lay tho proud town low whose In.
hAbitanIs the laws OF God and man defy"
1t will DO observed at once that he is q
peculiar poet. No ordinary man-no
mere proSaic w0rm-such as the rest Of
us are, could "hearken" to "hellish
glare" that we saw "upon the sky" and
ut the same timo study the extraordinary
phenomenon Of an aurora bOrealis that
Is "alott at the very same moment that
1t ls"toohigh," those things are permit
ted only to the gifted and thegreat. And
no man who was not olthis kind could
have finished of that last line SO that it
would seem 10 be wall Of anguish from
aprophetlc soul whose longings for Jus.
!ice conflict with its anxiety Tor mercy.
when we peruse that concluding line il
seems to us that the poet could not at
tirst tind word that would rhyme with
"descry," and he determined to keep on
writing until one was revealed TO him.
We rejoice that no thought OF "dCry" as
soon as he did. II that word had not
come to him up to his date he might stilI
be writing that line, and have succcedcl
in stretching Il out 10 about sixty fur.
longs, 50 that 1t would havo filled three
pages of this paper. In that event we
should have had only one page in which
to offer our comments upon it, and oil
the Joy would, consequently, have faded
out OF our young lie. asls
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