Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-04

John Bunyan was once asked a
question about heaven which he could
not answer, because the matter was
not revealed in the Scriptures, and he
thereupon advised the inquirer to live
a holy life and 60 and see for himself
There is a letter held for postage
in the Evansville, Gllinois) post office
bearing the following inscription:
"Charles Augustus, the web-footed scrub,
To whom this letter must go,
Is chopping cord-wood for his grub
In Silver City, Idaho"
A bookbinder said to his wife at
the wedding: 1t seems that now we
are bound together, two volumes in
one, with clasps Yes, observed one
of the guests, one side highly orna-
mented Turkey morocco, and the
other plain calf.
Some of the barber-surgeons in
New York who practice tooth-draw-
ing and bleeding, now add the admin
istration of vaccine virus to their
other surgical accomplishments. To
be shaved, shampooed and vaccinated
at one sitting will be new sensation
for jaded sensualists.
A colored gentleman in Virginia
and a colored lady in South Carolina
have been simultaneously turning
white. In the case of the male the
bleaching process is attributed to the
bite of locust on his right shoulder
some years ago; in that of the female
no particular cause of the phenome-
non is assigned.
A boy was sent by his mother to
saw some stove wood out of railroad
ties. Going out of doors shortly af-
ter, she found the youth sitting on
the saw-horse with head down. The
mother asked her hopeful son why he
didn't keep at his work? The boy re-
piled: "My dear mother, I find it
very hard to sever old ties"
A California editor extemporane-
ously expels the following paragraph
from his system: "a patriotic gen
tleman from Los Angeles has lessened
the government expenditures ninety
six dollars per annum, by marrying q
soldiers widow and thus stopping hel
pension. Let every unmarried patri
OF in the land initiate ] is glorious ex
ample, and rush to arms"
ADDRESS Your LETTERS CAREFUL
LY-The Postmaster General has is
sued circular to all the postmasters
asking the public to subscribe county
as well as postoffice and state, upo1
all letters, circulars, newspapers anc
other matter to be forwarded by mail
This is important in view of the grea
increase of postoffices, and will, i
complied with by the public, facilitat,
the separation and distribution O
mails, and avoid vexatious delays.
1t is better for man to be chill,
and be sent away early. than to trif
with his wite's feelings in this man
ner:
"It's all very well to talk SO mucI
ABOUT the Grand-Duke Alexis" sai
Mr.. j, "who will so soon leav
us and be forgotten. But have yo
heard Of the two noblemen who wi
remain permanently in this country :
"No," cried Mrs with radiar
countenance ''and who are they ?"
"Why the two piers of the Brool
lyn bridge, to be sure" answered tn
hard-hearted j.
Mr. Forester relates that Mr.. Dickel
took great delight in the writings of Br
Harte, at which we do not wonder, Fl
there is something in common betwet
the author of Pickacick and the auth
of the Heather Chinee, and Dickens mo
than any one else was Harte's teache
But we wonder whether Mr.. Dickel
ever got over his superficial opinion tn
Americans have no humor Our h
!, morous books are immensely popular
: England but we have not so keen
sense of the ludicrous as our Britt
cousins. They are reputed to laus
e over their comic papers. We can har
ly smile over any of the papers whi
the English call comic.