The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1872-01-04
RAvrNNA. Q. THURsDA Ys'sJ . ARy 1872

smart crowd collected. which was not
on the bills, but felt as big and good
as thesrest of EN-. So / marched in
! like a blind mule into a potato patch,
and took seat by the fire. IAdldnt
see anything of the widow, but kept
/ looking for her to come in or send for
me, and passed away the time by cuss-
in the crowd to myself, thinking they
had no business there. and would
not get to talk TO my woman q bit.
Presently the door opened and IN
walked Polly and that dad-durned
! doctor, and a-wilole team of boys and
girls fixed up sayagefy,I tell you.
looked around for fiddler, thinking
they were going to have a dance, but
! / wondered what they ali kept so still
for, and was about pToposin' g. reel,
when up gifts a little preacher, and
before you could swallow live oys-
ter, he had Polly and the Doctor mar
ried faster than Mexican greaser
could tic a, bulls horns. was so
compietely, fumnixed that l set there
with my mouth open like1 was goinp
to swallow the whole crowd, and my
eyes looked like billiard balls till the
Hceremony was over, when I jumped
up and beloved
sI forbid the concern from being
constituted ~
"You are alittle too late, my friend, !"
says the preacher, and they all COM
menced laughing like they had seen
| something fnnny.
I sI'll be burned squizzled, if don't
be soon enough for somebody yet,
said I, fer 1 was mad, Squire, and no
mistake In the ticket. I do believe
that ] could have eat up that doctor
quicker than hungry dog could swal-
low asquirrel skin,if could have had
q fair chance at him. It was
too bad after had fixed up to marry
her myself for her to. walk right out
under my eyes and marry that great
| baboon.o
at was bad. that is a fact" said I.
"Bad y cried he, cit was meaner
than eating fried coon. l first thought
ia go straight home, and then con-
ciuded that wouldn't spite nobody,
so / determined to stay and see if l
couldn't get satisfaction out of some
body. You know Pm the devil to
get myself or Somebody else into a
scrape when take notion, and I'd
taken one that night that went all over
me like third day chill, so 1 com
recollected hearing the doctor say that
where he came from, (but the Lord
only knows where that was, the bride
and groom always washed their faces
together before they went to bed, as a
charm against infidelity or imbecillty,
or some other long word. While /
was studyin' about that, / spied the
doctors saddlebags setting in the COR
ner, so l waited till they went in to
supper, and looked to see what could
discover. Nearly the first thing / saw
was piece Of lunar caustic. / Slip
ped it into my pocket, for had my
plan as 1 saw it. Well I watched
around till I saw one of the girls go
to the pail with the pitcher, so l went
out and asked her what she was going
TO do with it. She said she was going
to carry it to the room for the Doctor
and Polly to wash their faces in. 1
kept talking to her while she was fl
ling the pitcher, and when she tllrned
her head, / dropped the caustic fnte it.
It was then abeat- bed time, andI got
my hat and put out, but I couldn't
help laughing all the way home, when
ever I'd think about next morning.
"Well, Squire, they do say that
when that couple walked up early next
morning, they both had the hardest
kind of fits, each one thinking that
they had been sleeping with Niger.
Oh, it was rich! He eussin', and
tearin' up things, and she screamin;
and faintin' and comm to and goin'
off again, and me not there to see it.
They made such a fascally racket
that the folks broke into the room to
see what was the matter, and there
they was with their faces and hands
all as black as the inside of an old
stove pipe. I'd give half of my in-
terest in t'other world just to have
been at someplace where / could have
seen the whole row. As soon as they
had found Eout that they was really |
the same folks that were married the
night before, they called for BarnsI
water and soap, but Just here the doc
tor happened to think about the pitch
er, and took it to the door to see what
was the matter. There was little
piece of caustic that had not dissolved,
and as soon as he say it he says:
ssIt's no use washing, Polly. All
the soap in Now York city can't wash |
that off. z.
THAT was the truth, Squire. asoap
and water had no more effect than it
would on native born African, and
all the chance was to wait and let it
wear off. How long it took them to
get white again I never found out,
but one thing I do know he eenelu-
ded, getting up TO go ont, ethe next
time | saw the doctor I had the hard
est fight, and come the highest gettin'
whaled that ever did in my born
days" o.s:.,....,, f..5. ff...