Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-05-10
HunnOr.


A 'two.foot rule'-don't stumble.
To be taken without shakipg-a hint.
A serious turn the twist of ones neck.
A stamp you can't buy-the stamp of
gentlemen.
Is it murder to drown your sorrows, or
to kill time ?
When are acrobats murderers? When
they poison each other.
Does cow become landed property when
she is turned into field :?
Where did Noah preserve the bees during
the food In the ark hives.
Women are said to be second to the press
in the dissemination Of news.
An old widower says that miss is as
good as mile-of old women.
A young woman's COMMUNICATIVE is
our favorite Roman hero Marius.
The coming mantle fellow who prom
ised to pay for his paper "next week.
The quickest way for man to forget all
common miseries is to wear tight boots.
IF Adam is accountable for ''conseqnen-
tial damages be will have rough time Of
it,
Swans sing before they die; 'twere no
bad thing did certain persons die before they
sing.
A near-sighted man, beisg advised to use
glasses, took four and assays, be saw
double. n
In conversation wise man may be at
loss how to begin, but fool never knows
how to stop.
WHY are washerwoman the silliest Of
people i? Because they pu5 out their tubs to
catch soft water when it rains hard.
A Texas editor contends that Clark, men,
Der of Congress from that State. has a right
to his seat because she bought it."
"Boy wanted to stand in store. ZEE
We can send twenty who stand in front OF
stores, and it won't be good day either.
There is two kind ov men that I don't
ksre to meet when am in great hurry;
men that owe and men that want to owe me.
Whenever you hear man who alwas
wants tew bet hiz bottom dollar. you kan
pile.
ut is forty years, my old friend, since
we were boys together" ''Is it? Well
don't speak SO loud there's that young
widow in the next room.
As lawyer and doctor were walking arm
in arm, a wag said to friend: ''Those Two
are equal to one highwayman." "Why p
Because they are lawyer and doctor
your money or you life
Mr.. Darwin has not yet arranged the pre-
else line of our ancestry, but good deal
that is singular in human nature would be
explained, if it could be proved that one of
our remote ancestors was sheep,
A kind old father-in -law wanted to know
why the Feejeeians were called cannibals, to
which Barnum replied, Because they live
off of other people" ''Then." replied he,
unhappily, my four sons-in law must be
canuibals-they live off OF me y
The conversation at Holland House turn
ed upon first love- Tom Moore compared
it to potatoe "because it shoots from the
eyes"
.sOr rather" exclaimed Byron, ''because
it becomes all the less by pairing.
The Missouri Democrat AYERS that Hor.
ace Greeley is going to set out ten acres Of
cigar lockwood this Spring, on his farm at
Chapaqua. On two acres he intends to
graft the government stamp. This variety
will be little later than the plain kind, but
much more valuable.
"You are beautiful and | adore you,"
said gentleman to the belle of the eve.
ming.
'For my part hate you, and think you
frightful," she retorted.
II belieye you are frank girl You do
not tell polite falsehoods like me-"
ssThomas," said father to his son ''don't
let that girl make fool of you. Look
sharp. Remember the adage, that love is
blind"
sob, that adage won't wash" said Tom
sstalk about loves being blind why I see
ten times as much in that girl as you do "
Dibbs and his wife were iadulging in
"reminiscences over their dinner, nuts and
raisins. How one thing b, ings up another"
said the lady, absorbed ia pleasing retro.
speetion. YES" replied Dibbs, "an
emetic, for instance" He can't see WHY
she should call him a 'ulean thing" and
leave the table in huff.
SIS Miss Blinking at home p asked Mr.,
Sanders of the Irish girl who answered
the ring at the door. "Yis, b'lave she is,
SIR" "Is she engaged p An is it engaged,
you say? Faith, an I can't tell ye, sir
but she kissed Mr. Vincent last evening as
if she had not seen the like Nv him, an it 3
engaged b'lave they are, SIR
An Irish counsellor having lost his cause,
which had been tried 10y three Judges, one
of whom was esteemed a very able LAWYER
though the other two we're Indifferent some
of the other barristers were merry. on the
occasion. "Well, now,' said he, s'who
could help it, when there are hundred
Judges on the bench p "A hundred p said
bystapder: "there were but three" BY
St. Patrick ?" replied he, 'there were one
and two ciphesa."
HARD TO MANAaE.-Some wags were
walking around an agricultural implement
store, and they CHANGED to see in the rear,
q dressed hog hanging by hook to the
wall, "Ha, ha." cried they to the young
man in attendance, "what sort of an agri-
cultural implement do you call that Pr