The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1872-04-12
HUMOROUS.

round here who kiss calves.
/ A yonngster Of literary tastes de
Scrihes Darwin as the man Who beliey
Ell We degeHcrated from the monkey
When is a slip like a scarf-pin
When it Is on the bosom ola heav,
swell.
What requires more philosophy thai
taking things as they come! Partin!
with things as they 70.
"0ue thing" said an old topper
''was lever seen coming through TIN
rye. an that's the kind o whisky Oh,
get> nowadays"
A gentleman met another OH tn,
street, who was III Of consumption
and accosted him thus: "Ah. m,
friend. YOU walk slow" YES" re
pied the man, "out am going fast.
A lady once entered stage cOacl
with 50 mHchpow,ler on her face tina
She blew up tie driver.
"Roicrt. compare the adjectiv,
cold. " said a schooimastcrto iii urhin
''l'o,itiyc cold, comparative cough, su
periatiye coffin. said the boy.
A drNer. who sells his cattle by live
weight. always gives them as much
Watr a, they viii drink before driving
/ them on 10 the scales. This, he says
il what understand by ''waterins
stock.H
Il am glad this coffee don't owe mt
anrthing,' said an accountant at hi,
breakfast. why so:" inquired hi,
wife. "Because I'm fearful that il
never would settle, he answered.
Ira spoonful of Yeast will raise fifty
cents worth OF -four. how much will ii
take 20 raise funds enough to buy an
other barrel: Answer may be handed
in over jlie fence.
i traveller stopped ut cabaret in
France. where tie host Ind two sorts
Of wine. witch ha called first table"
and "common table" lhe traveller.
after trying them both, pronounced
them "lamen-ta1le. "
A soldier, who was an iiiyeteratc 10
kcr and plrlster, i.ayiug had his hose.
lett check. and a portion Of his chin
carried away by a Shot, at the battle of
Shiloh, WAS asked by some of his COM
rIdcs if they could do anything for
EiIn. BOYS" said he, speaking as
well as b. could IN his niangIed condi-
tiou, Il should Ike a drink Of water
mighty web, if | only had the face to
ask for it.
did he brilg those chickens to your
house in 4 secret way" Queried de-
femlmt', attorney, NO lie brung
'en in 4 bag"
\ WeS.crn editor writing on church
sly,: mo velvet cushions
in oar pews: we don't 30 in for style.
HE iatte-t person has the Sottest seat,
ard take, it out with him at the close
pf services"
\ voMg man who attended q lecture
OF The ,Hheot. Are we better than
oir fathers ~ started for home saving
''lm going to get the best Of mtAe
somehow, any way.
Two Glenl's Falls girls, having but
one lover between item, drowned
themselves in graceful but determin-
ed manner.
Old minds should always 90 TO the
theatre before the rise Of the curtain.
because then there is a chance of an
overture.
-An agricultural exchange. who has
evidently sat at the feet Of Greeley.
remarks \ little attention to the
lcn> now, giving them milk punch,
oyster shells, red pepper ami other
stimulating compounds. will set them
10 laying like everything.
Fond John, do look at
tla; child; it has your watch in its
mouth and viii swallow it, John
.Wlm isa bachelor brother-in-law and
very fond Of babieS--'Oh. don t be the
least alarmed. I've got hold of the
chain. II can't so far tTablealL)
sammy was reading the Bible very
attentively when hi, father came into
the room aud asked him what he had
found That was so interesting. The
boy. looking up eagerly. exclaimed
Il iiave foruld place In the Bible
Where they We're all MethodistS."
How so:H Ft4uirel the father. BE
,ansc,' said he, AL the people said
Amen!!' "
An iIliterte farmer. wishing to Ell
er some animals at an agricultural ex-
wrote to the Secretary as fol-
ows: ".Al>o. enter me for the best
acka-s am sure Of taking the premi-
I'M .tas
"Putty-eyed monster. is what ap-
reared i'll the paper Of "A Tennessee
',Iitor who wrote with respect, pretty
iged minister" The minister's solls
'intervie .yed" the editor the next
morning with shotgun.
One day the surgeon came to the
idle Of an asle patient III q military |
lospital, aud anxio,sly inquired how |
ne felt, III the midst Of q shivering
;hill the reply was: "Eo-no--t a
jit better SIN sorry; but your
:ase Is a very peculiar one and hard 10 |
yet hold Of" said the surgeon sympa-
.heticaily. "Ye-yes." " said the slliver-
ing soldier, ''tha-ts's so: th--th--e
,ase-sha-shakes 50 yo-you cant !
yi-get a hold Of it-tah." He re-
covered.
Samuel Jackson, President ofthe |
University OF Pennsylvania, died at
lis residence on the morning Of the
Jth, aged eighty-fye wears.