Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1872-10-23
Humorous.

RAILWAY APHoRIsM-Every milk train
has cow-catcher.
New Book" Ebenezer Divorced" a
sequel to Ebb-Tide.n
THE most modest thing in creation.
The retiring tide
WHICH goes the quickerg A full
minute or a spare moment.
A PAPER called The Cat has been
started in Athens, Georgia. It will
cultivate the Mewses.
A COMMENT Speech is silver, but
silence golden" Hence the expression
hush money.
Why is selfish friend like the letter
! P? Because though the first III pity,
he is the last in help.
mo COWS, no cream, was the way
an intelligent composition set up the
words, ''No cross. no crown"
OF all things in the world that are
'better late than never" going to bed
certainly ranks first.
"HAvE you heard my last speech p
asked political haranguer of wit. {"
"I sincerely hope so,'' was the reply.
A MAINE Alderman, invited to attend
centennial jubilee, replied: 81 can't
attend this oGe, but III go next time
" PUT me in my little bed is very
appropriate title for piece of sheet
music.
A NEW abomination has appeared in
the vocabulary-s' nuptlated - for mar
ried
those Indianians who sell fieas for
flax seed may be said to fleece their
customers.
WHAT is that which, when brought
to the table, is cut but never eaten9 A
pack Of cards.
| A PARTY on seeing pencil sketch of
the battle Of Waterloo, said it was
drawn battle. We always thought it
had been one.
A PHILADELPHIA advertisement reads:
"The upper part of this house to let,
containing three rooms, cellar, kitch-
en- and a back yard"
YOUNG lady studing French and
finding that "belle" meant "fne,"
told somebody in letter that we had
good deal of belle weather lately.
THE woman who never watched her
neighbor is said to be a cousin to the
woman who did not know how many
dresses her sister-in-law had.
A MAN that marries widow is bound
to give up smoking and chewing. IF
she gives up ber weeds for him, be
should give up his weed for her.
IF Uncle Sambo were to buy color
ed cotton dress for his wife, Aunt Sally,
why would it be like street door?
Because 1t would be intended for an
egress.
The following plaeard appears in q
Paris confectioner's window
PERE HYACINTHEs.
a New SweetRleat for Weddings.
(Highly Recommended to MN. les Fiances.)
A WIFE of a month committed suicide
in London last month by driving a nee
die into her heart. All this because
hen husband found fault because his
mutton was overlooked.
Two vestrymen of fashionable
church in New York have desperate
quarrel on hand because one of them
recently hired two burnt-cork artists to
sing in the choir, and the other don't
want, and won't have their music.
VISITOR Chow long has your mas.
ter been away?" Irish footman:
"Weli, sorr, if he'd come home yis-
therday, he'd been gone wake to-
morrow; but ev he doesn't return the
day after, shure he'll been away for
night next Thorsday." to
PUT not your faith in him who pre-
diets a hot season-he sells ices not
owns cheap clothing establishment
| ,ho
he vends umbrellas; nor dry one
he sells beer.
THERE was one pun of Sidney Smiths
that Charles Lever never tired of tell
ing. Mrs. Grote, the wife OF the dis
tinguished historian, appeared once at
soiree with queer sort Of turban on
her accomplished head. ''Look at
that" said Sidney, "that's the origin
of the word grotesque."
AS the early morning train down on
yesterday drew up at the principal
suburban station, a pleasant-looking
gentleman stepped out on the platform,
and, inhaling the fresh air, enthusias-
tically observed to the brakeman:
"Isn't this invigoratipg "No, sir,
it is Bethel" said the conscientious
employe. The pleasant-looklng gen.
tleman retired.
A GENTLEMAN once asked little girl,
an only child, how many sisters she had,
and was told "three or four" Her
mother asked Mary when they were
alone, what induced her to tell such an
untruth. "Why, mamma" cried Mary,
q didn't want him to think you were
so poor that you hadn't but one child.
Wouldn't he thought we were drefful
poor!"
YOUNG MlDDY (to his uncle, who's
never seen the sea)-s You want to
know why the sea goes back, eh2
"Well, you see the waves are caused
by the little fishes wagging their tails;
then they swim away in order to get
caug hit by the fishing smacks; and then,
as they can't live without water, the sea
follows them. This causes high tide
and low tide" Uncle marvels at his
nephew's knowledge.
A WAC entered grocer's shop some
years ago, which had for its sign the
Two Baboons," and addressing himself
to the proprietor, said, " wish to see
your partner" 81 have no partner,
SIR II beg your pardon sir, and hope
Won will excuse the mistake" "Oh,
there's no harm done; but what made
Won think there were two of uss 2"
3sYour sign" he repied-"The Two
Balloons"
In a Jolly company each one asked
onastion If it was answered he paid
forfeit. Pats question was, Chow the
! little ground squirrel digs his ho,e with
ont showing any dirt about the en-
, trance" When they all gave up, Pat
said, g Sure, do you see, he begins at
the o her end of the hole. y One of the
rest exclaimed, "But how does he get
, there?n "Ah," says Pat, ''that's the
, question-can you answer it yourself?"
A POLITICAL orator in New Orleans re
Gently "quoted history by referring to
4, the iron coffin of De Soto, containing
the gold trumpet presented to the IL
lus trious discoverer by Queen VIC