The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1872-02-28
HUMOROUS.

A merchant asks why he should be
ed 10 go so often after money that is co
to him. 'r.
\ drover, who sells his cattle bJ
weight, always gives them as much
as they will drink, before driving them
the scales. That" he says. is what
derstand by watering stock ,"
"Sir," said to me an irate little gentl(
of about four feet eleven inches. /
have you know, sir, that have beer
brought up" l looked down on
Possibly" said ], "but you haven't
brought up far"
''What is the principal business Cd
on in this place." asked traveller of
zen in Connecticut villagc.."The d
facture of ready-ma1e ciothing," wa
reply "Gou are queer set to spend
time in the manufacture of what is al
made," said the traveller.
why is it, said school-mistre
scapegrace who had caused her
trouble by bad conduct, ''yOu behav
well when you first came to school
are so disObedient now? because,
swered the young hopeful, looking uI
the sch Ool-mistress' face, / wasn't
acquainted with you then"
NJ. de Sainte Beuye, the eminent Fl
critic, once fought duel. When the
cipals took their positions it was ra
hard. Sainte Beuve had his pistol id
hand, and with the other hand he hel
his umbrella. The seconds protested
have no objection to being killed." sal
but as to being wet-nOr'
A gentleman entering an omnibus v
cigar in his hand, was about putting
when lady seized it and threw it out q
window. remarking, II dislike smo
! they make me ILL.," At the same MON
fierce little dog sprang up from his fe
him. He bowed very politely, rejoiI
Il do not like dogs, they annoy me-,
seized the canine by the back of the nech
pitched it after the cigar.
/ THE FIVE TESTS OF FRIENDsHIP.-1.
your friend good umbrella, and live
it back again.
| 2. Invite rim to your club and treat
to cold mutton. and find that he for
you.
3. Ask him to post a letter. and
within week that he has actually don
1. Cut a cash in his new billiard 4
without ruff1ing his temper.
! 8. Tread upon his equity toe, and seeI
smiling at your clumsiness.
( A few days ago child was crying
street near Charing-cross, London. A
/ passionate lady. passing at the time, stOj
and asked him what was the matter.
child replied, ''cos I've lost penny md
gave me-" "Ah; well, never mind"
I the lady. there is another fo,- YOU, and
ceeded on her WY, bur had not gon(
when the lirtle fellow beloved more lu
/ than before. She turned back and a
asked the c:use. when the little urchin
swered. "why, if | admit lost the first o
should ave 'ad tupence.''
| A humorous young man was drivi
horse which was in the habit of stoppin
every house on the roadside. Passil
country tavern, where there were cole
together some dozen countrymen, the
NAL. as usual, ran opposite the door
then stopped, in spite of his might to 6
the horse on. The men in the porch c
menced hearty laugh, and some ingu
+ If he would sell that horse. Yes"
the young man. but cannot recOmM
him, as he once belonged to butcher,
stops whenever he hears any calves BILE
The crowd retired to the bar in silence.
The War Department. in addition t
weather signal system, is about TO estat
an electrical system of storm signals Il
the larger cities OF the country, by vi
every magnetic belt can. by watching
signals on his chimney top or ridge-bO
tell just the moment when il will be SAT,
him 10 leave port (Or champagne) for no
AZ black flag flying will signify &C
as bear-typhOOn approaching" \ W
flag. everything is lovely; she is aslet
\ red flag, with white CENTER" look
for squalls: baby Just spanked" Viii
white flag. with red center, indicates sin
cautionary" measures Oh the part of
"Old man. who can go home under
sail, but should reef his boots and dOuse
binnacle lamp before going up stairs.
The Baltimore Amey1can gives the foil
ing laughable mistake of lady: "In
noon, about dusk, IL lady was greatly anr
ed by several urehins ringing her door,
and who. taking to their heels. enjoyed
joke immensely when she answered
summons Several times she came d.
stairs, bat was always 100 late TO affect
capture of one. At last she planned
Scneme. She stood at the head of
steps and awaited their coming. Pretty S
a step was heard on the porch, and in a
ment the bell was given vigorous ERIK
see you, you little rascal" the lady S
and. rushing down stairs, caught the u
sisting figure by the coat collar, and &
him a good shaking. When her siren
was nearly exhausted, and she was no,
with excitement, she looked into the fac
the object OF her wrath, and discovered
her intense horror, that it was the dimi
tive minister OF her church, who was 10
ing IS red in the face, to use her piscat0l
description Of him to friend, as boi
lobster. A few words of explanation m
the matter all right, and it was soon
gotten