The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1872-02-23
Simon Shorts Sorrow.

Shrewd Simon Short sewed shoes.
Seventeen summers, speeding storms,
spreading sunshine, successively saw
SimOn's small shabby shop still stand
ing staunch, saw Slmon's self-same
squeaking sign still swinging, silently
specifying: "Simon Short, Smithfeld's
sOle-surviving shoemaker, shoes sewed,
soled superfinely:n Simon's spry, sed-
ulous spouse, Sally Short, sewed shirts,
six stout sturdy sons-Seth, Samuel,
Stephen, Saul, Silas, Shadrach-sold
sundries. Sober Seth sold sugar, starch,
spices; simple Sam sold saddles, stirrups,
screws; sagacious Stephen sold silver
salvers; selfish Shadrach sold salves,
shoe strings, soap, saws, skates; slack
Silas sold Sally Shorts stuffed sofas.
Some seven summers since Simon's
second son Samuel saw Sophia SOfronia
Spriggs, somewhere. Sweet, sensible,
smart Sofronia Spriggs. Sam soon
showed strange symptoms. Sam seldom
stayed storing, selling saddles. Sam
sighed sorrowfully, sought Sophia So
frOnio's society, sung several serenades
slyly. Simon stOrmed, scolded severely,
said Sam seemed so silly singing such
shameful, senseless songs. "Strange
Sam should slight such splendid sales
lAAAtNA-Ac,
simpletOn ]"
"Softly, softly, sire" said Sally.
"Sam's smitten; Sans spied some
sweetheart"
Sentimental school-boy ~ snarled
Simon.
"Smitten! stop such stuff" Simon
sent Sally's snuff-boX spinning, seized
Sally's scissors, smashed Sally's specta-
cles, scattering several spools. "Sneak-
ing scoundrel Sans shocking Stiffness
shall surcease.n Scowling Simon stop
ped speaking, starting swiftly shopward;
Sally sighed sadly. SummOning Sam,
she spoke sweet sympathy. "Sam,"
said she, 'sire seems singularly snappy;
so, sonny, stop strolling streets, stop
smoking, spending specie superfluously,
stop sprucing so, stop singing serenades,
stop short; sell saddles sensibly; see
Sophia Sofronia Spriggs soon; she's
sprightly, she's stable-so solicit, sue,
secure Sophia SOfronia speedily, Sam"
80 soon? so soOn?n said Sam, stand
/ ing stock still.
$50 soon, SURELY" said Sally smil-
ingly. Specially since sire shows such
spirits"
So sam, somewhat scared, sauntered
slowly, shaking stupendously. Sam So
liloquizes: Sophia SOfronia Spriggs-
Spriggs-Short- Sophia Sofronia Short
Samuel Shorts spouse-sOunds splen-
did Suppose she would say, She
shan't-she shan'tp p
Soon Sam spied Sophia starching
shirts, saluted Sam smilingly. Sam
stammered shockingly:
''Spl-spl-splendid summer season, So
phia."
somewhat sultry," suggested Sophia.
''Sar-sartin, Sophia" said Sam. ISL
lence seventeen seconds).
"Selling saddles still, Sam ?r
"Sar-sartin," said Sam, starting sud-
denly.
Seasons somewhat sudorific," said
Sam, stealthily, staunching streaming
sweat, shaking sensibly.
''Sartin," smiling significantly. "Sip
some sweet sherbert, Sam.n (Silence
sixty secOnds).
"Sire shot sixty snipe, Saturday" said
dSixty? shop said Sam. CSilence
seventy-seven secOndsl.
''See sister Susan's sunfowers," said
Sophia, socially, silencing such stiff si-
lence.
Sophia's sprightly sauciness stimu-
lated Sam strangely; so Sam suddenly
spoke sentimentally: Sophia, Susanis
suntiOwers seem saying, Samuel Short,
Sofronia Spriggs, stroll serenely, seek
some sequestered spot, some sylvan
shade. Sparkling springs shall silence
secret sighings, super-angelic sylphs
shall"-Sophia snickered; so Sam
| stopped.
Sophia" said Sam solemnly.
SAM said Sophia.
'Sophia, stop smiling. Sam Shorts
sincere. SANS seeking some sweet
/ spouse, Sophia"
Sophia stood silent.
''Speak, Sophia, speak Such sus-
/ pense speculates SORROW"
"Seek sire, Sam, seek sire.n
So Sam sought sire Spriggs; sire
Spriggs said sartin.