The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1872-02-02
HUMOROUS.

What is conundrum? Somethin
guess at. What is boarding hons
hasiIs A conundrum! Ergo..
Mock tnrtle-kissing before comDa
ny, and fighting afterwards.
Mrs. Partington says she docs wisI
they would hurry up andpass the SiI
yer Service Bill in Washington.
To keep warm on a cold day. wo
men double up the cape, and mer
double up the horn.
Tlle difficulty in trying Tweed be-
fore a New York jury Is said to be
They cannot find a jury worthy oI
A Judge sentencing a prisoner to be
hung, said he hoped It would prove 4
warning to him. It dil-tile Chan
hasn't committed crime since.
): Peck of Ohio has, by an eccep-
trlcity on the part OF Mrs. r., been
made the father Of three simultaneous
girls, which Is more tlrll he $. Peek
ted.
h''mor states that Michigan
t-ffenehnlan Is 50 short that when llI, il
SICK ne does not know whether he has
the headache or corns.
"llave you blasted hopes 2" asked a
lauy OF a green librarian. whose face
was mucll swollen by tootlnchc, "yo.
INA am, Inc replied but | have n
blasted tootllaclle.
The telegraph informs us that the
organic structure of the Prince ot'
wales was injured by the means used
TO save his life in his late illness. Az
lady friend Is very anxious to know
what they did to him.
1t lstile complaint Of the eminent
Dr. Brown that he toasted Miss Smith
through the entire season at Saratoga
without mailing her Brown.
Mrs. PartiAgton says that lit is bet
ter to speak p4regorically of person
than to be all tle time tlingine epi-
tapls at him."
4 teamstcr who tried vainly to i'm |
pei his horses over the Los Gatos road.
the other day, Is reported by the San
Jose l'afftot to have prayed, "Oh,
Lorl, give Inc strength and courage
TO cW my otca Mrod.
Alexis was quite overcome at the
Boston committees invitation. The
Commercial Bulletin says: "The
irand Duke was so much affected that
Ne replied In his native Russian as
Ori ritold bustah yuken sormi legorf
'uttitollu lie bloski hifilr Boston.
'ityur rtlmanwiski anlotzer citti POM
rz redi, anian olecataly wilbi ,lownor-
e lykesa neskemo OH tallak audle.
A clergyman, after publishing a
thanksgiving service in his church, !
nd preparing q sermon, went at the. ,
ppointed hour, and had but one hear
r--hiS own wife. The sermon was /,
tlivered, to the editicatiOn of the au- !
lence, and was published for the ben 6
1T Of the absent parishioners and the
hblic generally.
A Rural editor has lost all faith In '
Ie luck of horse-shocing. lie nailed 7
ne over his door recently and that Q
orning there came by mail three !
ms and seven stops and man =
lied with a revolver to ask "who !,
rote that article" Il
Now, then. Children" said a par y
\ schoolmistress, showing her pu- :,
Is off on examination day, "who i
yes all men 2" y
(" You, missus," was the unexpect- Z
answer,
A lady, sitting in the same box of II
opera house with a French physi- II
n was much troubled with eniui, II
I happened to cape. Excuse me. q
am, said the doctor, II am glad h.
] did not swallow me.'' n,
Give yourself no uneasiness, +" said sil
lady, II am Jewess, and never lie
pork rs
married lady in Connecticut re- nm
tly fell into a river, and would in
e been drowned except that her Fl
s attracted the attention of her Oh
band, who, mistaking her in the
K for another woman, worked like
aver to get her out. III,
here Is sign on Nassau street, INC
/, York, which in the most intic- p;ls
mannerfhvitcs passers by to ell h0l
md partake of Rise Puden.' flrs
You don't stop using tobacco, the ~, ~
thing yon know yoii will have the i,aI i,G
IrosiS, angina, pectoris, hypoch- ,h,, tho
'iasis and locomoroataxy. ,Ie, lne
Galesburg qll.j schoolmistress. an,
nS exhausted the resources of
NY punishment, lately gave a pu- \
foretaste Of pit by burning brim- tior
J under his nose. nan
lady witness said in a st. Louis in t
I, Give me the least grain of case
fora basis, and | can ruin the per:
lcter OF any woman in the world" yeal
,ossips ponder this remark, and wer
will be brought to q realization ifit
truth. yer,
been
adv at thn No.,y hou ,