The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1872-08-28
Model Re solutions.

Here is one of the best things the cam
paign has produced. 1t originated with the
Knoxville (Tern.) Chronicle, and pnrports
to have been written expressly for the Gree
leyites in Scott county, by Shonbirg; but not
being copyrighted, no one will be prosecuted
for using it outside of Scott and claiming
them as original. In short, stealing is per-
mitted and expected. Even the most solid
Greeley man in the country, if he has spark
of humor in his composition, cannot tail to
enjoy the "model resolutions:
Whereas, The millennium has dawned
and the wolf is lying down with the lamb,
and the lion is eating straw like an OK, and
the abolitionists and secessionists march
under the same flag, and the Radicals and
rebels walk arm in arm, and the free traders
and protectionists are cheek by jowl, and the
Irish and negroes eat out of the same dish,
and Horace Greeley and jeff Davis sleep in
the same bed, and the sucking child is playing
on the hole of the asp, and women vote and
ride a-straddle, and every thing is lovely and
the goose hangs high; therefore,
Resolued, l. That inasmach as the time
has come for all men to eat dirt and turn
somersaults, and no man thinks what he
says, or believes what he thinks, we unan-
imOusly recognize the absolute equality of
men, inclnding women, negroes and Chinese
that we believe a mules ears are as short as
horses, and that the leopard can change
his spots, and that the negro is a man and a
brother; and having always favored his ad-
mission to the ballot box, we now welcome
him to the social circle, having something of
an idea that all the world was born of anon
key, that things are not what they used to
be, and that there is great deal of upside
downedness and downside-upward-ness,a and
bewildering mixed-up-ative-ness gener.
ally.
Resotced, 2. That being in great doubt
whether the rebellion failed or succeeded,
and not being certain whether Grant or Lee
surrendered at Appomattox, and being of the
opinion that the South was either right or
wrong, and. the North was either wrong or
right, and neither was either to hurt, we are
unanimously in favor of letting by-gones be
by-goDes, of burying the stars and stripes in
the same grave with the stars and bars, OF
mixing three parts of ''Dixie" with two OF
''Yankee Doodle" and of marrying the
Union eagle to the rebel buzzard.
Resolred, 8. That being a liberal party,
we favor liberality in all things, in politics
and in religion, in virtue and in temperance
giving perfect freedom to al, freedom to men,
and freedom to women, criticising no ones
Opinions anu no one actions; pardOning an
occasional clean shirt and washed face; nei
ther averrlns that there is heaven nor yet
denying that there is hell holding the AL
mighty in proper respect, at the same time
not forgetting our old friend Satan; believ.
ing that nothing is up or down, but that
everything is standing or sideways, and in all
tnlhgs holding very fast with one hand, but
altogether letting go with the other
hesoloed, A. That the Constitution as it Is,
Is better than the Constitution as it was ihat
the Bible is all very well in its place, but tne
Book of Mormen is newer, and the writings
of CONTIGUOUS older, and every man Is master
| of his own conscience and conduct, and has a
right to make god to suit himself; that f,ee
| whiskey and universal ignorance, coupled
| with free love and universal salvation, makes
earth paradise and heaven certainty; but
that, nevertheless, all things are turned
round, and the times are out Of joint, every