Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-06-07
HunOr.

The most tasteful hair-dresser in the
world-The cook.
What soup would cannibals prefer p
The broth of boy.
Wild oats are said to be the only crop
that grows by gas-light.
Why is bad sinner like good cabbage?
Because he has hard heart
Junk's shop boy won't get up in the morn
ing. He saya it's sleep year.
A Kentucky girl "don't low no fellers
round her that hain't rid in the keers."
To become the lion of party, is it not
necessary to make beast of ones self.
If you court young woman and you are
won and she is won, you will both be one.
A Judge in Indiana his named .Old Ne
cessity," because necessity knows no law
What kind of sweetmeats were most
prevalent in Noah's ark Preserved pairs.
"Come where my love lies dreaming,''
and see how she looks without paint on her
face.
An Illinois legislator called for veal
culvert the other day at a Springfield
hotel.
Dobbs thinks he could sing "Way down
on the old Tar River" if Che could get the
pitch.
els the docthur in ?" "No. Will you
leave your name p eau go home widout
wun?"
Detroit is to have ball in which none
but blondes are to participate. They will
trip the light fantastic tow.
An undertaker's office in Indianapolis re-
Gently bore this cheerful inscription on the
front door: sGoDe for dead man-back
soon"
A paper in putting certain soap, says it
is the chest ever made for dirty mans
face. We have tried it, therefore, we ought
to know"
"What should you be, dearest" said
Walter to his sweetheart, 'if was to press
the seal oflove upon those sealing wax lipsY'
Il should be stationery
"Sir, will make you feel the arrows Ct
my resentment"
"Ah Miss, why should fear your arrows
when you never had beau ?"
A young gentleman asks US, "What is
the best method of popping the question %
1t is a good deal like champagne if it don't
pop itself, there's something wrong about it.
Dobson says his friends seem determined
to give him the title of DR.. His butcher,
baker, and all the rest do so, but they put
the DR.. after his name instead Of before it.
A pretty girl says: of it was wrong for
Adam to live single when there was not a
woman on earth. how guilty are the old
bachelors with the world full of pretty
girls"
"Come, don't be timid," said couple of
foolish snobs to two mechanics, "sit down
and make yourselves our equals" "We'd
have to blow our brains out to do that was
the reply.
Pretty teacher Now, Johnny Wells, can
you tell me what is meant by miracle p
Johnny--Yes, ma'am. Mother says if you
don't marry our new parson, that it will be
a miracle
ness was asked if he knew the nature of an
oath, and where he would 90 if he told lie.
He said he supposed he would 60 where all
the lawyers went.
A crusty old bachelor in Congress pro-
poses to levy Is per cent on corsets, where
upon Down east paper remarks ''Since
there is no tax on men getting tight, WHY
should not ladies have the same privilege p
The Connersville Qnd. } Times tells of an
old rail-splitter in that county who put a
quietus upon young man who chafed him
about his bald head in these words: "Young
man, when my head gets as soft as yours, 1
can raise hair to sell ?
Josh Billings says that the difference be-
tween blunder and mistake is: When
man puts down bad umbrella and takes up
good one he makes mistake but when
he puts down good one and takes up bad
one be makes blunder.
A lawyer built him an office in the form
of hexigon OR six square. The novelty
of the structure attracted the attention of
some Irishmen who were passing by. They
made full stop and viewed the building
very critically. The lawyer, somewhat dis
gusted at their curiosity. raised the window,
put his head out, and addressed them
.'What do you stand there for, like pack
Of blockheads, gazing at my office Do you
take it for church p
"Faix," answered one of them, II was
thinking SO, till 1 saw the divil poke his
head out of the windy
An Irishman who had been employed at
the cemetery, some time since went to Wash
ington to draw his pay. After receiving
the amount, the paymaster, discovering
sabre cut on his face, remarked "You
were in the army during the warp EYES,"
said he. "What command we're you in?
sin General Fitzhugh Lees command"
said he. Did you have the audacity to ap-
ply at Federal cemetery for work when
YOU were in the rebel army p "Yes,n re.
piled the Irishman, Il he ped to kill them, |
and I thought [ had right to help bury
m."-CMpeper Observer.
A difident youth was paying his addresses
to gay lass of the country, who had long
dispaired of bringing things to CRISIS
lie called one day when she was alone. At
ter settling the merits of the weather, the
girl said, locking silly into his face:
ri dreamed Of you last night"
aDid you? Why now?"
Eyes; dreamed that you kissed me-"
"Why, now What did you dream your
mother said p
ooh, I dreamed she WASH t at home"
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