The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1872-09-06
Darwin's Theory.

The T0mn rritf has a theory in re
trren,t. tn the origin of man. which
lr proposes to ventilate in opposition
10 that of Darwin, who brings u
along down the dim highway of life
from the monkey with the prllenslle
tail to the man with his long fingers
Of dextrous manipulation to catch AMI
hold things coming within his reach.
The theory of Darwin has much tn
commend it to orr comprehension and
belief: morris the haboOn and the gorilla
and the oraug-outang so widely differ
ent from the present species Of man
lS some would have H. Ihink. Tie
habits of the two animals man and
monkey are not essentially unlike
The disposition Of the monkey to run
wild in the woods. to avoid school. t.
play hockey, TO tear leaves ont OF
books. to initiate his elders. 10 expert
ment in smokingan chewing tobacco.
10 worry the catand play with the fire.
i yery like the animal hoy. His font
npss for trees and nuts and fruit Is not
unlike. and the school boy exhibits a
nearly equal agility In climbing trees
and fences. The monkey steals for
TWO motives : for his belly and for mis-
chief. The hoollum does the same
fhing. As the monkey advances in
wears he becomes grave and setlate !:
40 does the man. Some monkeys get
wicked and bite some men grow sour
and ugly. Some monkeys need the
clnIn some men need the State Prison
to curb their prcpensities. Some OF
the monkey specie get amiable asthey
grow old. like the ToTn Hrier, and
orly grin and chatter ont their lives,
thankful If the looker-on throws them
nuts and confections in return; but
there is another long-tailed animal
from which doubtless portion OF man
kind has sprung-an animal domestic
among us. interesting in his habits
Al animal prferring TO live in houses,
omniyerouS, mysterious. prolific. MI
nratOrv, brave in battle. irresistible III
its rage, camibal in its hunger. We
refer to the rat. Cit off the lt'stall.
change his fore paws into hands, stand
him on his chest, clotle him III fash
ionabla garments. put hat upon his
head, teach him to talk, and you have
a man. Now let the rat drink whi-ky
when he il treated. smoke when he
is asked. give him pen to write
what he Il paid for dwarf him in
stature to four feet six. give him 4
shocking bad hat. greasy coat. let
him retain all his vanity. c0llceit. i'm
pudencc, ingrltit'ule, dishonesty. all
hi, mean and rat-like propensitieS. and,
although you have not quite Il mai,
YOU have the Bohemian rat. who think'
the To,ra Crier has lost his wits. Take
another instance: Givetle developed
rat a long-tailed black coat, n white
choker,a bombazine waistcOat, Il broad-
orimmet hat. let him draw bis face
I'D at the eyebrows and down at the
chin. and y0u have a preach. Put
him in the pulpit with congregation
of cats eating stolen cream. and the
divine becomes eloquent in the denull.
,.iation of sins lie cannot enjoy. Lei
him take the VOWS OF celilacy moi
hastily and take snuff. and you have
a priest. Take off his shoes aud pm
a rope around his waist, and yon have
:. monk. Clothe him differently, le
him retain his side whiskers. part hi
hair in the middle. put hot lmIato u
his mouth, and behold an EngliShnnlh
Teach him to chew tobacco, stand ol
the curbstone with crookell-handle'
cane, and 10! a politician. Let thes'
rats get hungry and go to eating eacl
other I'D. and then yoll lave lawyer
or orbroLers. With pettlcats and crino
line, is female with t'lrtive eye. co
quetting with every passer-by. Get
little social Gro sd around u pan 0
milk and A bit Of toasted cheese. am
\ lunch party with all it, tattle am
gossiD il before you. Perhaps. afte
M. lie origin Of species l. not coniin
I'd TO either monkeys or rats. I'D
doctrine Of Zoroaster may be true, an
sosIle NAV transmigEate from the AMI
mai 20 the human fm.--Ne'cs Letter
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