Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes Co., O. [Ohio]) 1870-1895, 1872-08-08
For the REPUBLICAN
COMMUNICATION.

Misthur Edithurs:-Begorra, ash
mishfortunes and throubles niver
comes alone, for whin a dacent man
has pace at home there is awlways
some onscrupulous, disafficted, of
fishowlder what is hankering afther
offs, poking his shnout into some
body's platter -bashket. Well, ye
understand there are a few weak
mead, pole-evil Republicans and
Dimmykrats that is awlways ham
kering afther oils, got up a sort of
convintion for PRESIDENT, and NAL
gamated one, and bedad if they
didn't nominate that owl ablitionist
horris greely. Its thruth livery ward
of it. But the ovid chap ha got
prisidint on the brain, and feth it
afficts his narvis sistim very mutch
that he's got to chap a three down
livery marning for brekfasht sphell
and ghraft an apple limb in cab
bage sthump to make dwarf apple
three of it. Weel, We see, shortly
afther l meets mid Jamie O'Rily, an
says l, Jamie, what's the news?"
"Och, an bedad it's the news is il, ye
wants? And ish'nt the almanaks
full of news? Owl abolishin norris
greely is going to be prisidint, and
choct full of liberawlishm, and dim
okratishm, and free thrade, end divil
knows what awl?" jamie" said 1,
''it's a dishgrace to the country an
dimmokracy. Here we are, bedad,
hitched on to the tale eend oy what
do ye-call-it dimmokracy, or soft
shelled heads, wheak barked libby
rails, or amalgymationisths dyed wild
butthernuts.' "Och, and be aisy,"
said Jamie, "if they had a glen US
owl gineral Boorygard, JEFF Davis,
or some other ovid dherma or 10th
er, thin the dimmokracy might ha
bin raised up to something or tother,
but to be hitched on to the tale
eend and dangling behind like the
ovid woman's stumpy-tailed COW,
bedad it's too bad. An niver a bit
of homer or thruth, or fair dalein
is lift in the warld anyhow. The
dimmokrats hez gone back on us,
an the poor libbyral crather's hez
gone back on us, and indade We hev
gone back on ourselves. Its dis
gusthed / am wild the hole proceed
ings, for they expict every Irishman
to vote them into offs, whin niver a
bit of offs wud they gle an Irish
man to save him from purgatory or
any place ilse, but potheent and
and whisky on iliction day for the
votes" "Weel, well, Teddy" says
he, "an of two mudholes we've got
to make the best way out. There" !"
said he, s'owl gineral Grant says let
US hev pace, and havn't we had pace
wild awl the world and the rest of
mankind since he was made prisi-
dent?" "That's thru, bedad, livery
ward of it. He's kaping on in the
sthrait and rite way that's a ladlng
the country into hapines and pros
perity, an perchance luck might cum
some day to make me an awlderman
or whiskey inspector. Weel, Jamie,
here is owl horris greely, the wood
chopper, sowld himsilf body an sowl,
(if he's got any, boot an boot legs,
white hat an coat, for to be made
president. Betwixt you an me, he's
ma more fitted to be president than
a young nagur is fit for chaplin to
ovid father McUphy, for indade his
branes isn't balanced the right way,
for Jamie, man, don't you reminder
whin he Civ his advice and kounsel
to the sicessionist of the south, my
wayward an dishobadient sisthers,
go in pace, an my blssing be wild
We awl;' and afther while afther a
hard fout batthle at Bulls Run, whin
the rebi!s was awlmost getthing the
advantage, and thin didn't he cawl
on the president to fotch out livery
mither's son NV us, to march and
push livery ribel, dhrive them into
the wilderness or shwamp them for
ty leages in the arthic oschen; and
thin we hear him spaking wild ribels
an Valdingham in Canady; and thin
diricly onto Richmond and make it
onto sulphur an go mairning on the
plains; and afther a while jeff Davis
was prisoner, and whin greely
heard it, he come to tendher his if
fictions for his poor wayward BIRTH
er. His disthress of mind was so
CRATE he quit chopping, and bedad,
didn't he go awl the way to Rich
mond and relees his poor suffering
brother, JEFF Davis, whilst thou
sands of poor suffering soldiers,
women and children, suffering by
the disolation of jeff Davis and his
brother ribils by their hellish war.
And We see, afther awl, they have
nominated greely for to reign over
the country for four years. Och,
indade, and what's this world
coming to. Weel, weel, it appears
that the blissid and howly season is
come, whin the dimmykratic lion
will be lying down wild the libbyral
lams in his belly, and swate pace
and dimmykrats will possess the
country.
Yours thruly,
TEDDY McGLYNN,