The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-01-12
sCIssoRaNGS.

An early sprlnS-JumplnS out OF
bed at five O'Clock in the morning.
When is a small baby like a big
banker? When he is worth-child. |
He who buys to many superfuities
may be obliged to sell his necessa-
ries.
The paths of glory which lead but
to the grave-alopath and hommo-
path.
Work is the weapon of honor, and
he who lacks the weapon will never
triumph.
The most dangerous kind of bat,
that sometimes flies at night, is a !
brick bat.
A Chicago sausage maker with un-
usual candor advertises his wares as
''dog cheap"
The widow of Secretary Stanton
has an income of 81 1000 from the
Stanton Fund.
The new Orleans Times says that
the hardest thing to deal with is an
old pack of cards.
A seven-year old boy at Greenbush,
Canada, stabbed his fatherwith fork
while being spanked.
A ''leading citizen" of Boston re-
Gently requested information about
firm that sold obl0ng tea.
Twenty-one citizens of Chicago are
still missing, nothing having been
heard from them since the fire.
The total amount of conscience
money received by the United States
Treasurer since 1868 is S127 900.
All fears of the cholera, from Rus
sin seem to have subsided- Alexis
only brought the Hoopenkoff with
him.
Why should potatoes grow better
than and other vegetable? Because
they have got eyes to see what they
are doing.
A Detroit paper accounts for the
intemperance of prominent senator
by the fact that he was brought up
on the bottle.
''Tom, who did you say our friend
B. married?' "Well, he married
forty thousand dollars-I forget her
other name"
The women who have been admit
ted to the Michigan Agricultural Col
1ege are said to behave in a very
''gentlemanly" manner.
Have you much fish in your bag?"
asked person of a fisherman.
Eyes. there a good eel in it." was
the rather slippery reply.
Orphus C. Kerr has withdrawn
from the press, and is now up to snuff
in the tobacco trade He has gone
to Kansas where he can sass at dis
cretion.
A young man in town, who is
wrestling with his first mustache,
proposes to name it after two leading
baseball clubs, because there are nil e
on a side.
The drum major who ran away
from Chickamauga, when reproached
with cowardice, remarked: I'D rath
er be coward all my life than a
corps fifteen minutesr'
What the cockney thought OF. Mrs.
Siddon's acting, is what many must
hare thought of Mrs. Cushman' s
Lady Macbeth last evening. It was
so 'orrid life-like, you know"
A Burlington, Iowa, artest got in
trouble for selling photographs of a
lady in that vicinity, whose negative
he CHANGED to have, for diminitive
fac-similies of Mrs. O'Leary, of Chi
cago bovine notoriety.
Lost!-A small lady's watch with &
white face; also, two ivory young la
dies work-boxes. A mahogany gen.
tleman's dressing case and a small
pony belonging to young lady will
a silver name and tail.
A somewhat juvenile dandy said t.
fair partner at ball. "Don't vol
think, Miss, that my moustaches ar,
becoming" To which she replied
'Well, sir, they may be coming. bu
they have not yet arrived"
A California man requested hi
wife, in ballroom, to hold the bab
of another mans wife while b
danced with the baby's mother-bu
she didn't hold it. Some wives ar
too disobedient to put up with!
.''Tis strange" muttered youn,
man, as he staggered homo from
supper party, "how evil communica
tions corrupt good manners. Nv,
been surrounded by tumblers all tn
evening, and now I'm tumbler my
SELF"
An Iowa merchant sent dunnin
letter to a man, who replied by retur
mail; 'You say you are holding m
note yet. That is alright, perfectl
right. just keep holding on t
it. and if you find your hand
slipping, spit on them and try
again. Yours affectionatelv.
A witness in late divorce SUI
kept saying that the wife bad yer
retaliating disposition; that She re
taliated for every little thing. s'Di
you ever see her husband kiss?'' asl
ed the wife's counsel. Eyes, sil
oftenI' "Well, what did she do o
such occasions?" "She always retail
ated, sir
An indianapolis paper thus sun
up the divorce market: s'Brisk con
petition among the lawyers hf
brought down the price of divorce
very low in this market. We quote
Common separation, SIS; small al
mony. S25; large alimony. $50@$10t
There are but few of the latter
the market. General business goo