The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-02-13
II U M Rous EMS.

esS-"I say, John, where did you get that
rogue's hat P"-" please, yer honor" said
John, otis an old one of yours that missis
gave me yesterday"
EB- A man died suddenly from intem-
perance, and Western jury found that the
deceased came to his death by drinking
between drinks"
eB- A cautious old bachelor, who is
aware that the present year is leap year,
says: "If you meet young lady who is
not very shy, you had better be little shy
yourself"
rB- Brains, Says modern philosopher:
"People go according to their brains if
these lie in their head, they study; if in
their stomach, they cat; if in their heels,
they dance"
t7- A man from the country whose wife
had eloped and carried off the feather-bed,
was in search of them not that he cared
anything about his wife, "but the feathers,
said he, them, worth dollar pound"
tB- a." said Sneaxby the other day,
"have never been known to turn my back
upon any of my friends" "That's fact"
said Jack Grinham, "you know better;
for if you did, they would at last get an
opportunity to give you kicking"
tB- A crazy man having got into the
gallery of the Senate Of the United States
during the rambling debate, was taken out,
the sergeant-at-arms telling him that he
was "out of place in that gallery
"That's So" said the lunatic "I ought
to be on the floor with the Senator'S"
r5y- Some clever fellow has invented
new kind of ink, called "love-letter ink"
1t is Il sure preventive against all cases of
"breach of promise, as the ink fades away
and leaves the sheet blank in about four
weeks after being written upon.
tsy- A lady heariug the remark that the
storm signal was sent, inquired what that
meant and being told that the Signal De-
partment at Washington now watches the
weather and telegraphs in advance all over
the country, replied "Now isn't that con-
iOl NdohOl-NODlCu
G5Y" A young lady who has been taking
the quinine in large quantities became so
impregnanted with iron that one cold even
ing, when her lover kissed her at the door,
he had the same experience that small boys
do who approach their mouth to lamp
posts, and before he could separate his lips
from hers, was caught by his ought-to-be
mother-in-law. Moral-dont't take qui-
nine.
gag- A Detroit thief went to the door of
house, rang the bell and asked the servant
to call her mistress, as he had particular
business with her. The lady came when
the stranger informed her that Mir,
naming the name on the door-plate, had
sent him to the house to get twenty dollars
which was due him. But for one thing he
might have got the money. The lady's
husband had been dead seven years.
EB" During the Christmas holidays,
customer came into one of our bookstores,
and, after selecting some books, asked the
clerk who waited ON him if he could not
allow him a discount or deduction from
the usual price, saying as an inducement :
81 am in business myself, and if you
should ever want anything in my line, /
will make liberal discount" And there
upon he handed to the clerk his card,
which read thus: "John Smith, Under
taker and OofIin-maker p
eB- A day or two since, a man not over
and above familiar with the dark ways of
telegraphing, went into one Of the Offices
having sent Off Immediately. The oper-
ator accommodated him, and then hung
the dispatch on hook. The man hung
around some time, evidently unsatisfied.
At last his patience was exhausted, and he
belched out "Ain't you going to send
that dispatchP" The operator politely in
formed him that he had sent it. "No yer
amt replied the indignant man "there it
is now on the hook"
eB- A few evenings since in country
store of a neighbOring town, little knot
of men were discussing the merits of the
hydraulic ram an honest farmer, who was
making some purchases, overheard part
of the conversation, and he, stepping for
ward just as one of the speakers expressed
his strong belief in the good qualities of
the machine, remarked, "Yes, gentleman,
l know they are good-that three year old
ram sold to Deacon Cooper last week was