Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1872-06-22
Humorous Drift.

string of 999 buttons, no two alike.
We cart see how she Is going to die
happy, unless she can procure one
more Duttou.. We know of one that
might satisfy her ambitions bach
elor's button.
The numerOusness Of the Smith
family never did puzzle us much; but
how to account for all the .Joneses,
was beyond our arithmatic. 1t is all
plain enough now. There is g Jones
manufactOry' right here in New York.
King Amadeo tells his Spanish
subjects that, T" Not otherwise than
embalned will l quit Manrid.' This
seems strange, for unless accounts
from there vary considerably from the
truth, there are plenty of men who
would do this elnbalming job for him,
at short notice. What is~he adver-
tising for issssssa 'syssssnsszxsz
We shall always differ with women
ON one point, and it is this: At re-
cent female suffrage meeting, spirited
young lady said, /" love men individ-
ually and collectively, better than
women" Now, here is where our rice
rersa comes in. We like the women
best. How might this be accounted
for most probablyi
| If ever one poor creature was "run
into the ground,n 50 ~ speak it is
Dolly Warden. Everybody has some
thing named after her, and the amount
of old trash that has been "Dolly
vardened" and sold at high prices is
wonderful. The last thing.is Dolly
Warden boot jack. or course, Dolly
never used such q contrivance, but
they took exactly like the ones she
would have used, had she been
man.
Again that old man comes to the
surface. This time in Madison cOun-
ty KY. He is Ito years old, can pull
his boots ON without spectacles, takes
corn to mill, aud gets "corned'' him
self together with any number of
kittenish things that are surprising.
The local physiciens who hare felt of
his pulse, are ofan opinion that if he
had been horn tetotaler he would
have been at least 100 years of age by
| this time instead Of only no. y
| A Knoxville, Ind, youth went spark.
ing his girl, one night lately, and as
he sat with his arm around her waist,
he got so happy, or SO charmed, that
he went 10. sleep. She didn't think
that was just right, and so went to
bed and left him Just where he was.
| He felt awful sheepish the next morn.
ing, when that girls parental dad
woke him up, and told him to "git."
Such a fellow ought to be shot in his
tracks.
i What did this fifty dollars go for 9
Sally Bonny, Ia plump creature,) Of
Cortland, N. r., had a young fellow
arrested lately for stealing kiss from
her peachy cheek. Sally was right up
and down about the matter, and in
court she testified, that after the out
rage, she was obliged to wash her
face with soap and water. The fel.
low was fined fifty dollars. Now, if
would be in n.Orsler, we should like to
know If she expended that fifty dol
lars for soap.
| This Enoch Arden business is play.
ed ont completely. 1t doesn't work
SO well as it used to. A fellow who
had forsaken his wife, leaving her
with family in Connecticut, while he
roved the wide world over all I'M.
known, lately returned to find his
Annie divorced and married to anotK.
er. Enoch objected, and tried to- re.
gain his own; but the husband sent
him to grass by an Irish kick, and the
loving wife unlOosed u fierce bull dog
for his amusement. Enoch concluded
he would skip, aud at last accounts,
the dog had not caught up with him.
Alas! alas! money without hraius.
/ A poor devil OF a toddy tOsser at ST.
Joseph, fell badly the other day. He
tell heir to valuable property, and
the news so affected him that he went
right off and indnlged in game of
suicide. at which he got badly beaten,
ana his property was passed along to
somebody else. We never imagined
| that q " tall. Of that kind would affect
us that way, and we hereby give 10.
tice to all Of our rich relations. that
they need have no such fears regard.
ing MS, not If 0iie Of them should die
and treat as that way every week.
i GUEsr.--ss How comes this dead Az
in my soupw Waiter: ]" In fact, sir,
\ have no positive idea how the poor
thing came to its death. Perhaps it
had not taken any food for long
time, dashed upon the sonp, ate too
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