Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1872-08-22

ARAJOQlkallN kOnSliHItti, l3lllDG IL me
sensashun of pheeling z, cd all over, and
showing it principally in one spot.
Morally considered, it IL the next best
thing tew the 10 commandments.
Philosopikally konsidered, it beats
Herrick's pills, 3 pills in the game.
Theoretically considered, it kan out
argy all the logik in existence.
Analitikally considered, emmy part Of
it IL equal tew the whole
KonstitushiOnally konsidercd, it IL Wit
ties and something tew drink
AIultifariously considered, it IL Just az
different from ennything else az it IL
from itself.
dramatically considered, it haz q
good deal ov essence and some body.
Pyroteknikally konsidercd. it IL the
fireworks of the soul.
. Syllogestikally konsidered, the kon-
kluShions allwus follows the premises.
spontaneously konsidcryd,it IL az nat
raj and refreshing az spring hi the
roadside.
Phospheresccntly considered, it lights
mp az globe lantern.
EXsudashiOusly kOnsidercd, it haz all
the dissoNing properties oV a hot wiskcc
puntch.
But this IL too biz talk for me: Chczc
flatulent words waZ put into the dix
shiOnary for those giants in knowledge
tcW use who have tcW load kanu0n
clean up trW the muZzlc with powder
and ball when they go oui trW hunt piss
mircs.
But don't intend this csSa for la1ling
in the lump, but for lallin@ on the half
shell
Latfing IL just az natral t"w cum few
the SUI face az Il rat IL trW cum ont OF i
hole when he wants tcW.
Yu kant keep it back by SWALLOWING,
emmy more than VA kan the hrckups.
If a man kant laff there IL sum mis-
take made in putting him together, and
if he won't latf he wants az much keep
ing away from III bear-trap when it IL
sot.
Ihay seen people who lafrad altogether
too much for their own good or for clly-
body elsc's, they laft like a barrel oV nu>
slider with the tap pulled out-a perfekt
stream.
This IL a great waste ov natral juice.
! have seen other people who didn't
laif enuff tew give themsrlfs vent; they
waz bunged up tite, apt trW start Il hoop
and leak III away on tine >,y
Thare amt neither oy 'thrzn . w"y-
right and they never ought trW hc
patented.
Some pho},s har got what IL Sailed :.
hoss-latf, about half way between n
4roWl and below, Just rs hos duI
when he feels his oats, and don't exactly
kno what ais him.
Thee phollls don't enjoy lalf eny
more than the man duZ hiz yittles who
swallows his pertatoze whole.
4 laff tew be punishment wants teW
be well chewed.
There is another kind ov a laff which
| never did enjoy, one loud busst, and
then everything IL az still az larger
beer Darrell after it haz bowed up and
slung 2 or 3 gallons ov beer around
loose.
There il another laff witch have an
nalized; it Gums out ov the mouth with
noise like a pig makes when he IL in a
tite spot, one sharp squeal and two snik-
kers, and then dies in shipper.
This kind ov a laff IL larnt at femail
boarding skools, and don't mean emmy
thing; it IL nothing more than the skin
ov a laff.
Genuine laffing is the vent ov the soul,
the nostrils ov the heart, and is jist az
necessary for helth and happiness az
spring water'iz for a trout
There IL one kind ov laff that al
ways did reckommend ii looks out ov
the eye fust with merry twinkle, then
it kreeps down on its hands and knees
and plays around the mouth like pretty
moth around the blaze Ov kandle, then
it steals over into the dimples ov the
cheeks and rides around in those little
whirlpools for while, then it lifts up
the whole face like the mello bloom on
a damask rose, then it swims off on the
air with peal az klear and az happy az
a dinner bell, then it goes back agin on
golden tiptoZe, like an angel out for an
airing, and laze down on its little bed of
violets in the heart where it cum from.
There is another laff that nobody can
withstand it il just az honest and noizy
az distrikt skool let out tew play, it
shakes man up from his toze tew biz
temples, it bubbles and twists him like
whiskee phit, it lifts him up oph from
hiz cheer like feathers, and lets him
back agin like melted led, it goes all
thru him like a pikpocket, and finally
leaves him as weak and az krazy as tho
he had bin soaking all day in a Rushing
bath and forgot to be took cut.