The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1872-08-14
DUST AND DIAMONDS,


Tho savagos are uniustly styled
ignorant for any healthy Indian is a
we'll red man.
There is one thing that can always
be found-and that's fault.
Itis said that one person in ten Of
the entire population of Virginia is
Baptist.
When did the greatest rise in milk
take place? When tho COW jumped
over the moon.
A legal question which is exercising
the lawyers of Idaho is, Docs q COW
become real estate whom she is turned
into fiold?'
The swiftcst "pitch" in tho country
is young woman, aged twenty-thr"e
belonging to baseball club.
If you expect good cattle, look first
at the calves; if you wish good men,
look carefully after tho children,
Seine people act as if their debts
were like coffee, and would settle
themselves in time by standing.
An Irish editor says he can SEQ no
earthly reason why women should
not be allowed to become medical
mon.
Bad cooking on tho part of the
wifo is held by Texas Judge to be
goud ground for divorce. If this ru-
ling obtains throughout tho country
tho lawyers will all got rich.
An enthusiastic oditor, speaking OF
new prima dona, says: Her voice
is as soft as roll Of velvet and aR
tender as q pair of slop shop pant:
looms.
sDog days approachcth," is the
ungramatical opening of tho local
column of . contemporary.
Itis just as impossible TO get along
without advertising as it is for. q
cross.cyed man TO borrow a gun.
A Chicago dry goods dealer advcr
tises "Tho most alarming sacrifice
since the days Of Abraham and Isaac
"They fired two shots at him,
wrote an Irish reporter. ''Tho first
shot killed him, but tho second was
not fatal"
An irritable man, who was disap-
pointed in his boots, threatened to
eat up the shoemaker, but compro-
missed by drinking q cobbler.
John O'Keefe, ncwsboy, has won,
in a competitive examination al New
York. the nomination for o cadctShip
at tho Naval Academy.
A young lady who Gust dotted on
Longfellow," declares sho has lost
all interest in his poems since ho lost
that race with Harry Bassett the
othor day.
There is town out West called
Random. A resident of the place
being asked where he lived, said. he
lived at Random. He was taken up
as q vagrant.
Come out here and I'll lick the
whole of you, said ncwsboy to some
sticks of peppermint in q cohfectlon'
cr's window.
A young woman being asked by q
politician which party she was most
in favor of, replied that sho preferred
wedding party.
A well-known journalist went uT
to one Of the United States marine
band and asked; "Parlcz vous An
glais?,' "YeNsowl to the devil, why
not2" asked the marine.
An Indiana town has.tho following
dog ordinance: "Dogs that arc mo-
coilarcd and labelled, no matter how
respectfully connected, will have thcil
narratives amputatcd ono inch soutl
of their cars"
A little boy accosted his papa thus
@Papa, are you growing sti'l?' IN,
dear: what makes you think sof'
Because the top of your head is com
ing through your hair"
Did you present your account t.
tho defendant?" inquired q lawyer O
his client. I did sir" "And wha
did he say" 'He told me to go the
devil" Then what did you do?'
Why then-came to you"
Be always frank and true spu1l
every sort of affectation or disguise
Ifaae tho courage to confess your ig
norance or awkwardness. Confide
your faults aud follics to but fow.
A Poser.-"Ma, if I should die and
go to heaven should l wear my MORE
j antique dress 2"
"No, my love; we can scarcely
suppose that we shall wear the attire
of this world in the next"
ssThcn, ma, how will tie angels
know I belonged to tho best socie
tyr
The Protestant Episcopal Church
in the United States has fifty-tbree
bishops (six missionaries, 1900 cler.
gymen, or one bishop for every fifty
five clergymon; 225,00O comnuni.
cants, 24,500 Sunday-school teachers
100000 Sunday-school scholars, and
contributes for church purposes s5,.
100000.