The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-06-11
II U M oRoUs 1T MS


"I'd vas youst so easy as needle Good
walk out NIT a camel's eye as to get der
perhindt word nit voomans."
cSg"A lady asked gentleman, who was
suffering with influenza, "My dear sir,
what do you take for your coldp"
Five ocket-handkerchiefs day,
ma am
EB 1t is reported that = somewhat ju-
venile dandy said to fair partner at ball:
"Miss, don't you think my moustaches
are becoming?'
"Well, sir, they may be coming, but
they have not yet arrived"
"a" "A young lady in suburban town,
who has received the attentions of young
man for some time, on being asked what
his business was, replied, naively "Oh
he is hummer for a drygood firm" She
meant drummer.
EB During recent trial at Rockport ILL.,,
Judge Laird interrupted the testimony of
q lady witness, remarking that it was not
relevant. The lady raised her head, and
with look made all of injured innocence,
inquired, "Well, sir, am telling this
story, or are you?" The Judge allowed
her to talk as long as she wanted to.
eB-" What is your business p'' asked a
Judge of prisoner at the bar.
"Well, s'pose you might call me lock-
smith,"
"When did you last work at that busi-
ness2''
"Last night, when I heard the call for
perlice, AN made bolt for the rear door,"
Cy Judge-"I fine Tim Leary So for
assault and battery ON Pat Moloy."
Pat Moloy-" But, your Honor, I.want
more damages. He blacked me eye, an if
had been invited to a tea party / couldn't
have gone" Judge-"Th court knows
nothing about consequential damages.
You must carry your case to Geneva.''
Adjourned.
cB-Two eminent clergymen of Brook
lyn-the one an Episcopalian and the other
Unitarian-met in crossing the Wall
Street ferry. Joking being in order, the
churchman said, Brother, If were
not an Episcopalian, would be Uni
tarian." "Why sop was the question.
Because / always had my mind made up
to be either something or nothing" was
the answer.
FB- Julius, eff a mob OBJ chickens cost ten
dollars, what will pair come top
"Who bought emp"
:" What yer ask dat fur.
"Kase, eff my wife bought EN-, could
tole what they come to, mighty quick"
"WhatP"
"Two pOtpies and friccassee,"
Look here culled frien' don't come your
circumambient jokes ON lis chile, or he'll
broke yer jaw short off by dc handle, hear
dat.p
GB"Walking along Superior street with
friend (Artemas Ward we passed di-
lapidated specimen of humanity, who had
"Vagabond' written all over him.
"Now," said Artemas, with look of
mingled disgust and pity, as he pointed to
the miserable fellow, "you wouldn't think
that wretched being was at this moment,
the wealthiest man in Cleveland ?''
emo" said the friend, looking at the
man with some interest.
"Well, he isn't, returned Artemas with
a comical pucker Of the mouth, while his
eyes laughed consumedly.
cB-The following is Western instance
of the ruling passion strong in death -
Squire W was very fastidious in his
notions of propriety. At weddings and
funerals he was quite officious, and very
particular that everything should be done
decently and in order. In due time he was
taken ill--fatally so-and relatives and
friends were gathered around his bed sad
and weeping. One Of these more thought
full than the rest, asked the departing
Squire If he would like to have clergyman
called in to pray with him, to which he
replied Well, yes 1 think it would be
appropriate"
GB-The Waterbury american tells the
following story ga gentleman visiting
here from the West went to visit an old
schoolmate who lived here. After CONVEX
sation about old times, the suject of the
boarding-house where they used to live was
brought up. Mr.. A. asked Mr.. b., the
visitor, if he remembered the two girls,
daughters of the couple who kept the
Remember them ex-
claimed Mr.. b., you're right, do. Reg