The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1872-07-16

DARwINIANIsM.-A monkey who had
travelled much and seen great deal, and
who had probably used the cats paw
to pull more chcstnuts out Of the fire than
any other monkey of his age. addressed
his fellow monkeys:
Said he, This Darwin has inflicted
a disgrace upon Us that no monkey of
any seli-respect will hesitate to resent.
fling his base insinuations back into his
teeth. A wild chatter of applause If
man was indeed descended from US, what
IA fall was there, my countrymen! Prol.
onged howis Of derision If | had
this base slandercr of our race-this
Darwin, who darwin fame by traducing
us-l would r-r-r-reud him to pieces with
thes pentadactylous hands and whip him
to death with this prehensile tall" I IN.
mense cheering.
The chairman interrupted the speaker
to remind him that no puns would be al.
lowed. Nobody but men perpetrated puns
and pun was altogether beneath the
dignity Of any monkey who had the least
respect for himself. The speaker promised
to be more guarded in the future and
proceeded with the remarks.
Look at the follies men perpetrate
every day. Did you ever know monkey
to make such fool of himself as they
do? Did you ever know monkey to buy
ticket to a menagcrie and 60 staring
around and making remarks about better
people than himself? Did a monkey ever
get drunk, or talk about his neighbors,
or wear Il plug hat (unless it was fastened
on his head by detestable ringmaster);
or sue for divorce, or wear lace color his
whiskers, or 60 into bankruptcy. or cheat
the printer, get elected Councilman, or
run bar account. or eat hash, or-or
run for Congress? Never ~ Screams
and screeches OF assent
Nan descended from the monkey, in-
deed! II We were descended from man,
it would be sufficiently disgraceful. | get
ashamed when | think there is possibil-
ity of n connecting line. Look at them
in their political conventions. In our
most iiiotic moments did We ever yell
and howl as they do2
Look at them in Congress. A whole
menagerie on drunk couldn't behave
worse. Aud where dil they get it? They
didn't get it from MS that is sure thing.
The key Of their cus,ed nonsense is not
the monkey. An admonishing shake Of
the head from the President Mr.. Darwin
must seek for his ancestry elsewhere and
let the monkey alone. He might perhaps
trace it to the beasts of the field, or the
birds of the air or what is more likely
the jackass.'
Tremendous applause followed this
speech After some father remarks on the
part Of distinguished monkeys of like ten
or, the meeting passed series of resolu'
tions uttery repudiating the Darwinian,
theory and adjourued.-Cincinati Times
The Albany On. " Eceniag Journa,
says the veteran Thurlow Weed is moi
only opposed to the election of Mr.. Gree
ley, but deems his election practca
impossibility.
Brigham Young has vowed vow moi
to take any more wives. 1t appears thai
: he has only thirty-two wives, and sixty,
four children, or two babes per wife. No
SC many, after that all has been said o.
his polygamous condition.
, "Bowie-kniie" Potter Of Wisconsin hai
, no idea Of supporting Greeley. On thu
contrary, the Milwaukee Sentinel say
he is as sturdy Republican to-day a
, he was when he stood upon the floor O