American citizen., 1872-02-03
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
STRONG Observation-Disclosures.

THE REAL "HoME INaURANCE Coz
PANY--A good wife.
WfAF is it you can take without hands
A hint.
AFTER all, what is more narrowing t
the sole than peg in ones booty
Why is an old coat like an iron kettle
Because il represents hard wear.
TO YouNG CAMrAIGNERs-If your ten
is not waterproof you should pitch it.
Why are criminals like the ancien
idolaters Because they bow to the slrin
of Bail.
WHY is spider a good correspond
ent ? Because he drops line by ever,
post.
SANE graphically describes certain
case of becfsteak as AN infringement o.
Goodyear's patent"
AN old maid, on being asked why shc
didn't get married sooner, replied, 81
should if I'd been rs old as am now"
AN exchange wants to know, since
wo-r- * is pronounced wirk, why pork is
not pronounced pirll These questions
are very trksome.
THE Smiths had dinner at Pittsburg
on New Years Day. The first toast was
"PocahOntas-IIeaven bless her for saving
the Smiths to this country
IF insure my house, which may not
burn, why should not insure my life in
the Washington Life Insurance Company?
for must die.
MEN are frequently like tea. The real
strength and goodness are not properly
drawn out of them until they have been
for short time in hot water.
THIS Is KNOW JOKE -
Quoh John, "a knowing man am l; from debt I'm
always free
Quoth Jim, An owing man am I; in debt III al,
ways be-
A LETTER was put into the post office
at South Pennington, Mass, a few days
ago, bearing the following direction
"Ulices S. Grant, President of the Unight-
ed States, Care Of Congress.
Miss ROSE HAWTHORNE, the youngest
daughter of the novelist, has recently
married, and by her change of name dc,
stroyed the proyerb. She is now Rose
without Hawthorne
A COUNTRY rector complained to old
DR.. Routh that he received only five
pounds for preaching a certain sermon at
Oxford. Give pounds ~ said the doe
tor; "why, I wouldn't have preached
that sermon for tiftyn
A SMALL boy could not see why the
"leaves" of tables, not resembling any
leaves with which he was familiar, should
be so called. AT last he found it out. II
know" he cried, "thes are called so be-
cause you can leare them mp or you can
leHce them d0rn.'
Ar school where words were given
OUT for subjects in composition, mute
ingloriOus Milton produced at sight this
sentence on the word "panegyric" :" =" A
few drops of pancgyric, given on a large
lump Of sugar, is often best with an in
fant with the stomach ache"
A YOUNG New York married lady can't
see "why two people should NOPE in sol |
tude because they happen to have an
'wered in the affirmative, in the presence
IF Witnesses some very polite inquiries |
n the Prayer Book
On the 18th of May, 1912, Calvin Knowl-
On was found guilty, by T. Il. Hawley, J.
p, Of Ohio, of riding from the township .
i Morgan to the township of Lebanon
With his sweetheart, on Sunday, before
unset, the J. p. defining this to be
breaking the laws of morality" The
inc imposed was one dollar
THERE is an important lesson in the
Comment made by a murderer who was
eccntly hanged, upon the instruction and
are bestowed upon him by missionaries
nd ministers during his last days of life
If | had received as much attention be-
ore being put into prison as have since,
should never have been here" To pre-
ent is better than to cure evil.
In the pneumatic dispatch tubes in use
4 the London Post Office, the following
esults as to speed have been obtained,
nth mean pressure of 7 pounds to the
luare inch at one end of the circuit, and
vacuum of II inches of mercury at the
ther S52 yards, l minute "a seconds
206 yards, minutes, % seconds; 1,206
ards, minutes, 10 seconds S62 yards,
minute, 13 seconds. The total length of
ne now working in London is G,S00
ards.
THE next report of the Commissioner
Pensions will contain the following
lrefully compiled estimate of the total
umber of soldiers who served by enlist
ent, re-enlistment, and in the militia,
lring the various wars in which the
nited States has been engaged Revolu
onary War, 27j, coo; second war with
reat Britain, 527611 Seminole War,
913 Black Hawk War, 5031 Florida
'ar, 80 9j3 Creek disturbances, IL, 4S3; |
hcrokee disturbances, 3,S96 New York |
ontier disturbances in 1888, and Cana !
an rebellion, 1 1873; Mexican War, 49,,
70 civil war, ., 6sS,523.
J. Il. HOLIDAY, of Wheeling, West Va, ;
rs white marble hearth stone, three !,
ct long, seventeen inches wide, and two
ches thick, which is as flexible as a ..
ece of India-rubber of the same dimen- :
Ons The stone was in the seminary at a
oundsville, twelve miles below that city, =
hen burned some three years ago, and .
Y buried in the ruins till recently, when,
)on being dug out, this extraordinary
lange in its character was discovered. 1t =
discolored by the fire, but it is as white !
ever under the surface, and there has :
zen no discernible change in the gram. =
lost no weight, but when broken the = =
agments can be crushed in the fingers "
undreds of people have gone to see this y
riosity, and a description has been sent /,
the Smithsonian Institute. :
HERE'S true tale of woe all about a +
autiful and abandoned wife in New +
ork. She married a wretch who loved d
r money not wisely, but too well. When /
got the money he loved somebody else, .
d departed for the "rolling prairies of r
c mighty West His earthly posses =
1ns were burnt up in the Chicago fire,
ID then he came back to New York, and =
Il up at the Astor House without cent 4
his pocket Remorse seized him tit 4
ust have been rcmorsc), and ascertain =
g the address of his lawful partner, he g
us wrote her Il am here and penni-
IS. Forgive the past, and come TO my a
ms again" This is what she wrote I
ok: "I'll come as soon as ] can. Ex- .
Sc delay. I've gone to have a loaded q
ad put on the cane you left Hf didn't !,
IT. Remorse seized him again, and car a
d him off Fms :
THE Bolton correspondent of the Lon
n Daily EcIo informs that paper that p
.ast night Massarti, the lion tanner at v
ander's Menagerie, now exhibiting in d
is town, was torn TO pieces by the lions f,
!, l. Il gf-TrfalE