Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1872-06-27

x00EuN6o
A HolsY cock need not be immortal,
though his son never set.
WHEN the rain falls, does it never rise
agsins Yes, in dew time.
THERK il one thing that can always
be found-and that's fault.
Tn latest thing in tho way ofspecu-
lation is . "oofner" for Irritation.
UxFAlnL1AR quotation: A nose by
any other name would smell ~ we'll
A DBfDon picture dealer says the
hardest work he has to do ID to frame
excuses.
War are domestic magazines'
Wives who are always blowing up their
husbands.
A MIssouRl editor considers that the
ears Of his political opponent "would
do for steeples to Westinghouse
"AH Omelette ON the Plains =" is said
to be in preparation by the author of
"Sssaab1ss among the Alps."
r." WaAr, il the difieaeoee between .
Christian and . cannibali The ono
enjoys himself, and tho other enjoys
other people.
A GEn11K1AH who was buying q
watch TO replace one that had been
stolen from him, remarked that he was
"making mp for lost time"
Ma 8oP1A Ln9s, of st. Louis, is
negotiating for . divorce from MI. An
ton Lpps. In the language Of the
poet, better far those Lpps had never
met.
Two friends meeting, one remarked.
~ have just met man Who told me
looked exactly like you" ssTen me
Who it was, that may knock him
down." replied his friend. "Don't
trouble yourself, said he, 81 did that
myself"
WHAT is the difference between the
hurried reading Of fast young lady of
the period and the painstaking reading
Of blue-stockings The one reads for
pas-time, and the other for the future.
ALADY recently asked distinguish
ed member of the French Academy of
Sciences: "What II the use of being
IN academician, if .you can't tell what
comets are made of" This is the re-
ply she eot: "Madame, that 1 may
be able to say don't know"
Tm young LADY inhabitants of the
island of Hinia, in the Mediterranean,
I aEe not allowed to marry till they
bring.fron tho depths of the sea Ger
tain number Of spoDges. Notwith-
standing this sponging business, differs
couples arc united in indissoluble bonds
every week.
A11UM LM1s.-Aliss Phoebe In
once asked Sir David Brewster to con-
tribute some lines to her album. In
vain did the philosopher protest that
lady would accept no excuse. So Sir
David snatched pen and wrote:
"Ph0be,
Ye be
Hebe.
H. D. b."
A A"QuADRuF1loA1zDPm."- come
dian thus announced his hope of . full
house at his approaching ''beneft ~:
Dear public, yoa snd Of hse
Have dealt % much in fun,
m crack yoa now monstzoas, great,
Like grate fall Of ooa2s IN glow,
4 great fun house to see;
And il I am not grateful too,
A great fool must be.
A sHoHr time back tho question was
asked, "Why do men marryi" The
following reply was not less singular
than true: "6ome young men marry
for dimples, come ears, some noses;
the contest, however, generally lies be-
tween the eyes and the hair. The
mouth, too, il occasionally married, tho
chin not 20 often"
A coxsrA11k in Ohio lately testified
in court ~ follows: / know nothing of
her but what I hear the neighbors say;
and, in my opinion, what . woman
says of another II not worthy of be-
A D1uxxxx Irishman On being told
that his intempeeate habits would soon
mako his poor wife widow, was
quite affected and exclaimed 'Och,
faith it nd make me tho wretchedest
man in the wureld to see Mn. Coons .
widderl",
ABnoox With . heavy handle was
cent - wedding gift TO . bride, with
the following sentiment:
THIS triline eift accsrt from N,
| ms No v0ah commend:
In sunshtno No The bushy paf4
| In sloen he oeAR andn
SAID friend to . merchant who was
trying to collect some outstanding bills,
"You have good deal Of money COM
ing 70 you, havnt youa" Yes, re-
! piled the merchant, "and l can't help
wondering Why I have to run 20 often
after what il coming to me-"
GBoBaE: "There, Aunt Mary, what
do you think of thata 1 drew the
horse, and Ethel drew the Jockey !"
Aunt Mary: Him! But what would
mamma say TO your drawing jockeys
ON . Sundays {" George: All, but
look here! We've drawn him riding
to church, you know!"
Ar the opening of breach of prom
ise case in Kentucky, the court asked
the counsel for the plaintiff how long
the trial would probably last. II
can't say exactly, " replied the counsel,
"but will mention as one item that
have three hundred and eighty.four
love letters, written by the defendant
to my client, to read"
FOR an auctioneer's wife-Bid-dy.
For generals wife-Sally.
For = sports wife Betty.
For Fisherman's wife-Net-ty.
For shoemaker's wife-Peg-gy.
For = teamster's wife-Car-ry.
or . lawyers wife-Sue.