The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1872-02-29
OLE UJxll)ns,e.
WIT AND WISDOM.

Every young doctor viii get on if he
only has patients.
Young ladies had better be fast asleep
than fast awake.
1t is objected to a morning paper that
it is two cents-ational.
Old maids are described as ambers from
which the spark has fed
Some persons ouly call man their
friend as an excuse for taking liberties
with him.
Boston born people are mostly Unita-
rians, because people who are born in
Boston do not need to be born again.
TWICE RUINED. II never was ruined
but twice." said wit: 'once when |
lost lawsuit, and once when I gained
one.
1t is an established fact thai person
who is guilty of squirting tobacco juice in
the house of worship don't expect-to rate
as a gentleman.
''How much corn may gentleman eat," whispered
P,
While the cobs on his plate lay in tiers;
'As to that" answered O., he glanced al the heap
''Twill depend on the length of his ears
We are all blandly liberal until some
body treads upon our own theological
corns, and then We at once discover that
the offender isn't much of mum and a
brother after ALL
Judge Bacon once trying man. Hog by name,
Who made with his lordshp of kindred claim;
Hold" said the judge, ''yon're little mistaken;
Hog mast be hung first before it's good Bacon"
a friend who did the Coloradian noun
tains last fall has informed us that he got
as ravenous as raven among the ravines,
and sat down in one Of the gorgeous
sorges aud gorged himself.
Mamma" said little girl, whats
the meaning of book being printed in
12mo p why, my dear replied the
mother, sit means that the book will be
published il twelve months Fact.
In Chickasaw county, Miss, Mr.. Loren
20 Day married Miss Martha Week, upon
which local poet comments as follows ::
A day is made. a week is Iost,
But time should not complain,
Therell soal. be Little days enough
To make the week again.
To show the workings Of the competi-
tive examination system, an English case
is cited. One Of the candidates spelled
Venice with two as. thus, Vennice. =
The examiner, who could spell, but not
speak correctly, stefRly inquired: DO
you know, sir, that there is but one hen
in Venice?" Then eggs must be very
scarce there. was the reply whereupon
the candidate Immediately passed.
A coroner jury in Minnesota recently
declared man to have been severely
frozen to death"
Josh Billings says: "Suceoss don't
konsist in never making blunders, but in
never making the same one the seckond
time.
How many who use the needle ever
dreamed that we send to Great Britain,
annually, fifteen million dollars in gold
for the single article of spool cotton.
A shawl manufacturer in Philadelphia
is said to have spun thread twenty seven
miles long from one pound of American
wool. This is one of the greatest yarns
On record
Don't trouble yourself to stretch your
mouth any WIDER" said dentist to a
man who was extending his jaw fright
fully, ''as l intend TO stand outside dur
ing the performance.
A country editor complained to old DR..
Routh that he received only five pounds
for preaching certain sermon at Oxford.
Five pounds !" said the doctor; why
[ wouldn't have preached that sermon
for fifty ~
A muddy stream, flowing into one clear
and sparkling, for time runs along By
itself A little further down they unite
and the whole is impure. So youth, IN
touched by sin, may for time keep it,
purity in foul company, but little later
and they unite.