The weekly Arizona miner., 1872-06-29
TIE FAT CONTRIBUTOR.
He NPIopoIes to be Candidate for Pres
 dent

dent
 Tue hour has arrived. I can hesitate nc longer ! ie highest interests of the nation demand tat present myself as candidate for Prosiaent of the United States. have waited for some one to bring me out, but m the muIrtades of candidates no one seems to haze thought of me, and 1 don't think very much of myself; bat man don't want 10 think much of himself to be candldate Tor President nowadays. If he had any sell regard at he outset he would think very iit- tie of himself by the time he got through with the c.mpaign.
 I am one of the people-I might say one of the toys 1 came up from obscurity, and have brought up good deal of obscurity with me never had any politics-or much else ! am Liberal" to fault, and ready to receive votes from any quarter, although ] anu not ready to give quarters for any votes.
 As far a platform, suit yourselves, gentle men The lecture platform would probably suit me as we'll as any other. Having stood upon nearly every platform in the West, il would be Lard for you to get up one could not stand n. In the absence of platform give me four aces. and I'll 'stand" on that.
 am the special friend of the laboring man.
  do ln fact, had rather see man work than work myself I am not only averse to working more than eight hours, but l am op- posed t0 working a single hour. l shan't even work for my election, leaving that for tho men who want the offices.
 au in favor of paying the national debt. T. js, in fact, the only debt am in favor of paving And rather than not see 1t paid dur ing my administration, l will pay it out of my own pocket.
 In the natter of civil service reform in tend io do the civil thing by the nation if the nation does the civil thing by me. Being civil IS SO are condition nowadays in the varied walks of life (to say nothing about the rnns) that reform is urgently called for.
 Ratreuchment is my motto. If you can't put a rctrenchment plank in the platform put in board. I am ready to work without any salary, but shall insist upon my board.
 am rather inclined to free trade, prefer ring Co feel free to trade wherever please, bat if a tariff plank is necessary to my elec- ti1n, put it in. shall not get on tar if l ain't elected
 Pledge me as strong as you please to the temperance men. The temperate pledge W0p't hurt me one bit.
 No relative shall hold office, no matter whose relation he may be. shall appoint naae but old bachelors, chillless widows, and olgaa4s Any man who has relation in the world need not apply for office under my ad- ministration. l have few relatives of my own holding office now, but they shall be promptly blcked out as soon as l am elected. Oae brother In-law has little coal ofice on the river. He must give it up. A third cousin ou uv ne r' DOTS side drinks too much occa- sionallv, and gets office foot I shall give him notice Co quit. You see 1 am determined to reduce the ''relative" expenses of the Gov crnmCat
 engage not to accept any gift, unless it be tha 1irAcs' lice in the gift of the people. If | am ever called "our present Chief Mags- trate," t yol't be chief magistrate of pres erss Noj baing man of commanding pres ence anyhow. there would probably be few presents thaC I could command. What few natural gifts [ may have, however, l shall en- d.ar Co retain. They are not worth mak- ing a.r fuss about.
 ! su not only in favor of woman's rights, bat ia favor of woman's rights and lefts. Sm ia favor of women voting, provided they v0t. for ne. | see no reason why woman should not hold office, except, perhaps, the dieiculty of getting hold of it. Nor should thers be any par to woman's accommodating property and supporting family if she wants To
 may be asked how would treat the In- disns. 1 w0aldn't treat them at all. They have been treated too much and too often. M private opinion, however, is that 1t will be q treat when there isn't an Injun left.
 stand by the old constitution that has been tried Few men have tried their con stitr,ious aa-s than have tried mine ac- cept the mendments, every one of them. When it ones to amends I am ready to shout "amca as loud as anybody.
 lndelstaul there is an ambitious man named George Francis Train, who aspires to he President on his promise to free Ireland, I engage not only to free Ireland, but to make Irish whisky free into the bargain. l sa,'' at least be able to tie George Francis in ihr pular yote, unless one or the other of u sept away from the polls. Hang it, b.. se ] could tie the Davenport brothers.
 ' shall Daugurate a wholesale emancipa- tIoG business as soon as I am inaugurated. Nc goods retailed at the White House when am President lengage to emancipate women from the thraldom of fashion, to give the "boysh their lights, and to abolish the GUS tom which excludes children in arms from the eievatiug md purifying influences of the theatre have pledged myself to free Ire land and free hostage; to free housekeepers from the tyranny of servant girls; free pews. free passes api freebooters. To free soil, to ioee ne6els to shows, free drinks, free press aiid J Free" trust am rot making myself too free
 New MExco has been invaded bx inc Heather thlaee,' as we learn from the