Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1872-02-07
Humorous and Witty.

readily. 30 '
d- WHY does a sculptor die the most
horrible of deaths? He makes faces
and busts.
An old lady says of certain pom
pous clergyman, that he seems filed
with the divine infiaters.
A WESTERN editor reports money
"close, but not near enough to be
reached. y .4s5R I4 a
T WHO was perhaps the only person
who went to sea for fear of drowning
Noah. ..-... So ....
''IF [ am stuck up, I'm not proud"
as the butterfly said when pinned to
the side of the showcase.
An Illinois clergyman forbade any
further contributions under five cents,
saying thatt'' the widows mite business
! is played out here" -
i 81 A MAN out West has just returned
from an Indiana camp-meeting. He
says that the right spirit prevailed-he
tasted it out of black jug.
'ei' 'THosE who buy tombstones of us
1 look with pride and satisfaction on the
graves of their friends" is the adver-
tisement of western stone cutter.
A TEMPERANCE editor, in drawing at
tention to an article against ardent
spirits, in one of his papers, says:
! ''For the Effects Of Intemperance see
our inside ... 81 -.a el-ea Dell. Sc
.c" HARRY" said mother to her little
4 boy, you shouldn't throw away nice
bread like that; you may wantit before
you die" GLOW could [ get it, though,
if l eat it now?" Harry asked
I PUTTY-EYED monster" is what ap-
peared in the paper of Tennessee
editor, who wrote with respect, Espretty
aged minister" The sons of the min
lister interviewed the editor the next
morning with shotguns.
MARKET REPORTS. plenty,
but going fast; brain scarce and want
ed cheek, full supply; pluck, market
bare hearts unsteady, price fuctua-
ting, mostly sold for cash. ........
A BAY City man paid heavy express
charges on box labeled can Austria
liam hooking bird handle with care :"
and found it contained, as he profanely
remarked, tsenly an old turkey COB
bier"
SAMMY thinks he would learn much
more at school if he did not have to at
) tend to his own book all the time
{ sc Because" he says, d" if l study my
. own book all the time / shall only learn
| what there is in it, but if I hadn't any
book to study, [ should know all that
!, the whole school are reciting"
r A WHOLE seminary full of Kalamazoo
f girls are travelling in the old world, and
:, recently one of them wrote an account
: of their ascent of the pyramids will
: the Emperor of Brazil, and remarked
that the young ladies were assisted il
i their ascent by rude natives. The let
e ter was published in Michigan paper
and the sentence alluded to was typo
graphically metamorphosed thus ''W
were assisted in our ascent by made ma
. tives." ...t.g
: The numor of the late James Fisk
= Jr., of which so much has been recent
? lY said, is illustrated in his reply to
9 body of his fellow citizens of Brattle
: boro, who wished him to assist in put
:! \ ting a new fence about the very grave
I yard in which Fisk was last weel
:, buried. He said to the astonished APP
= plicants: ono; not cent. You dom
. need a fence there Those that are in
are in no danger breaking OUT an(
), those that are out, surely have no de
= sire to break in. "
o GUEsr-''How comes this dead fly il
q my soup 2" Waiter-''In fact, sir,
3 have no positive idea how the poo
y thing came to it's DEATH Perhaps i
: had not..taken any food for long time
dashed upon the soup, ate too much O
\ it, contracted an Inflammation of tn
s stomach that brought on death. TIL
9 fly must have very weak constitution
$ for when [ served the soup it was dane
V ing merrily upon the surface. Perhap
!. and the idea presented itself only a
# this moment-it endeavored to swallow
o too large a piece of vegetable; thi
: remaining fast in its throat, caused
q choking in the windpipe This is th
). 4 only reason can give for the dealt
$ OF the insect" b..-.s,.i 49,. .. f.. ...
n THE following anecdote is related O
!, Major Little, the melodeonist: On
n warm evening, in the spring of th
e year, the Major was giving a concert il
e one of the thriving manufacturing vii
e lagos in Eastern Massachusetts,.
n large and appreciative audience had as
d sembled, and he was doing his best t.
n entertain them. Several pieces ha,
d been performed. and matters We're pro
7, crossing finely, when at last he gave a,
e1 limitation of the echo of horn amon
e1 the hills, the sound dying away grad
|, ually in the distance. The hall wa
/ still, every one present was listening
$ the fall of pin might have been hear
h as the echo grew fainter and fainter i
le the distance; just then a bull-frog o
d the largest size, which had been sittin.
it quietly on the edge of the mili-pon,
e directly under the open windows of tn
r hall, apparently waiting his time
d broke in with most tremendous kud
5, tar-rhunk, car-r-rhunk. The effect 0
l. this outbreak can be better imagine,
than described .. r5 .--