The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1872-08-02

hatched.
A California jury, in suicide case
lately, returned the following verdict :
eve, the jury, find that the deceased
was foolp
Some unreasonable people In Ander-
son, Indiana, tied tin can to q dogs
tail and then shot the dog for getting
mad.
A Chattanooga(Te (Tenn)paper says that
that city is making strides toward CIV
ilization. Pick-pockets flourish, horses
are i'll treated and the children get blind
drunk.
A Western paper wants to know If
the ladies of that especial neighborhood
have forgotten that 1872 Is leap year and
is over half gomez
The despondent looking man who
suddenly started on seeing new apples
for sale, and cried, "Now, my children
shall have bread u was doctor.
A man in Concord, N. H., after firing
at partridge with revolver seven
times without killing it, threw the wea.
pom in disgustand Knocked the birds
head Off.
A snake crawled out of his hole in
Paducah tenpin alley, and each of the
half.dUZ an bowlers Immediately came
to the conclusion that he "had'em."
A correspondent of Maine paper
wants to know some remedy for striped
bugs. We should suppose the remedy
depended very much on what ails the
bugs.
The following new definition is sug-
gested for the forthcoming edition of
Webster's Unabridged. Tomahawk-
an agricultural implement chiefly used
for raising hair.
The reason gentleman got up and
left a very tedious and intricate service,
Sunday afternoon was because "he was
a young man and life was dear to
him.
The Louisville Courier-JoWnal says:
"The Atlanta Sun is very popular
among its exchanges. They cut out Mr..
Stephens editorials for paper weights"
A Virginia exchange says at a concert
recently, at the conclusion of the song,
"There's good time coming" far
mer got up and exclaimed: "Mister,
you couldn't fix the date, could you ?'
They do business with dispatch in
Texas. A man in certain neighbor-
hood, who had lost a valuble mare,
received the following telegram, "Mare
here. Come get her. Thief hung"
The "Fat Contributor" wrote to
Greeley to know how to raise roof.
Greeley replied; "Raise it from the
shingle, selecting dipped shingles, eight
to the pound. Cut the tops off before
planting, and drag them in with sau-
sage stuffer."
One Gen. E. NJ. Lee has lecture pre-.
pared on on -Four Years in the Saddle
with Sheridan and Fitzpatrick" 1t
been very much crowded and we do not
see how they stood it so long.
In an advertisement of railroad
company of unclaimed goods, letter
dropped from the word "laWful," so
that the advertisement read "People to
whom these packages are directed, are
notified to come forward and pay the
awful charges on the same"
Two friends meeting, one remarked,
~ have just met a man who told me
looked exactly like you." "Tell me
who it was, that 1 may knock him
down." replied his friend. Don't
trouble t yourself" said he 81 did that
mySeIl.
Thackeray tells of an Irish woman
begging of him, who, when she saw
him putting his hand in his pocket,
cried out i: "May the blessing of God
follow you all the days of your life,"
but, when he pulled out his snuff box,
Immediately added ''and never over
take you ~
A Western paper has the following
advertisement: "Engaged-Miss Anna
Gould to John Candall, city marshal of
Leavenworth, Kansas. From this time
henceforth and forever-until Miss
Anna Gould becomes a widow all
young men are requested to withdraw
their particular attentions"
Discretion is the better part of valor.
Tom and Arthur have been rude to
their mamma. Mamma has complained
to papa, who is heard coming up stairs.
Arthur: "I say, Tom, here comes
papa; l shall pretend to be asleep"
Tom: 81 shan't; shall get up and put
something on"
A lady at GAINESVILLE, o., in cleaning
house, found package of two pounds
of powder, and thinking 1t was lamp
black she threw it into the fire. Her
husband thinks she escaped, as nothing
has been heard of her since, except a
piece of calico dress, which was found
on an apple tree in the orchard.
Pertinent Question.-During a re-
cent trial at Rockport, Indiana, Judge
Laird interrupted the testimony Of Il
lady witness, ,remarking that it was not
relevant. The lady raised her head, a.d
with q look made up of injured inuD-
cence, inquired, well ,siram telling this
story, or are you?" The Judge wiltud,
and allowed her to talk as long as she
wanted to.
A New Fairfield man who failed to
get thirty.cent pineapple for quarter
we are breathing the pure air of free
| dom, or being strangled with the fe,id
| breath Of hellish despotisln ?" The
storekeeper said those were the only
pIneapples he had.-Dan6my NeOcS.
A California newspaper prints the fol-
lowing touching obituary: "Phi,ip
Handsome was driving team loaded
with powder up the Sierra Nevad I
mountains. One of the kegs dropped
from the wagon. The Sierras stood it
well enough, but the miners who came
from neighboring ranch were unable
to find Mr.. Hanscomb or the team.
The Fort Wayne Sentinel makes the
following cheerful announcement: "A
coffin room has been established on
Wayne street, in the rear of the SentiRe
building. Any one feeling like attack
ing the editor will save his relative
trouble by coming around that way aad
selecting his box"
The Danbury Conn. Nelcs tells OF {
Newtown mechanic who came to Dan
bury ON Friday to drive home new
purchase in the shape of pig. He lef
with his charge at three O'Clock in th
afternoon. At O'Clock Wednesda,
morning he was reported bearing
little to the east of Pittsfield, Mass.
and appeared to be working gradual
around toward Providence, r. l. II
seemed anxious to hear from his fam
lily.
At meeting, year or two ago, /
this country, gentleman was speakin
II on a question not strictly within IN