Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1872-08-07
rUMNYcRApns.

Sisit the watcrihg-places In summer |
are milkmen.
Shcrifrs officers are good.natured
fellows, after all-thcy're always
happy to serve you.
A man has sued his barber for cut.
ting off his mustache. The barber
says he didn't see it,
A poor fellow who was compelled
to pawn his watch said that he
raised" the money with lever.
a Mississippi editor boasts that his
State has a Dolly Warden Lcgisla-
ture,- mixed, black, yellow aud
The master of ceremonies, at arc
cent st. Louis funeral, announced,-
The ,corpsc's cousin will now
come forward"
at is sin to steal pin," and
man in Philadelphia has been arrested
for that very ofrensc. The pin had
diamond attached to it.
Charley" said fond mother to
her son, "you are into that jam
again." NO." replied the pet "you
are wrong, ma; the jam is into me-"
Pic-nics in Pennsylvania wind up
with what is called the Dolly Warden
march-thc young ladies' standing in
row and the young men passing
along the line kissing each good
night.
Spinks is not going to do airy more
in conundrums. He asked his wife
why he was like donkey, and she
sald because he was born SO, and he
says the answer Is very different from
that.
a Danbury boy can make los
''face." without sitting down. The
feelings of his broken-hearted father,
when reaching for him with strap,
can better be imagined than de-
scribed.-[News.
A NICE IDEA.-Pat lin answer to
Tiresome Tradesmen)-"An' what
should be buying box for, plazc?''
Tradesman-"ro put your clothes In,
I suppose" Pat-"By the powers
an do you wish me to go naked ?''
A bookbinder said to his wife at tn,
wedding, at seems that now we ar,
bound together, two volumes III one
with clasps" Eyes," observed OH,
of the guests conc side highly orma
mental Turkey morocco, and tn,
other plain calf"
A Rhode Island lad, under cxami
nation by n Connecticut schoolnas
ter, being asked, chow many God
are there?' the boy, after scratcllin.
his head some time, replied: 81 dom
know how many you have got il
Connecticut, but we have none il
Rhode Island"
In the valley of Glcndaloucl, Ire
Il land, n native. pceping out from on
,. of the ruii.s of the tiny Seven Churcl,
- es, accosted n guide with--"Dinnis
V did yc come here thinkin' they wcr
saying mass this mornin' 2" 81 NIGH
have behaved so, yc spalpcen, if
c hadn't seen the devil lookin' out &
J. the windy"
> A small and envious ncwspapc
tells this Oh large journal: "a lad
andgcntlcman were recently robbie
> inJudca by Arabs, who stripped thcr
of all their clothing. They beggc,
their captors to return them n cop
: of the London Times. Tho Arab
: yielded TO the request, and tho pair
;, the gentleman attircd in the rcgula
issue, and the ladysin tho supplement
returned to Jerusalem"
a man on tho day he became on
hundred years old, went to have
pair of shoes made, rcmnrking tha
he wanted them built substantial,
with plenty of hob.nails. The store
keeper suggested that lie might no
! live to wear such pair of shoes out
when the old gentleman rctortcd tina
: he commenced this ono hundred ycnr
n good deal stronger than he did th
l last one!
a German pcddlcr sold n man llqui,
for the determination of bugs. "An,
how do you use it?" inquired th,
man after he had bought it. "Yo,
! kotch dc bug, I'm drop Won drop int,
+: his mon,,' answered the pcddlcr
: "rhc deuce you do!' exclaimed III,
: purchaser; "a could kill it In half th,
time by stamping on it," "Vell," OK
claimed tho German, ",lat is vcr,
goot way, too, to kill him."
lLL-NATuREp. Judy learns thai
IAN ancient and curious custom, ne
culiar to Yorkshire, was observed a
the marriage of the Lady Mary Fitz
, william. AS tho bride aud bride
groom were quitting Wentworth
, House. u kettle ofboiling water wa,
poured on the steps. The theory is
that before the hot water dries up
another marriage will be agreed up
on" Isn't this association of matri
mony and hot water q little too sug
gucstivc?
at aparty the othcr evening, ,
young lady was standing in n draught
when an elderly gent in the law, ant
a bachelor, stepped up and remarked
"Aliss-, will protect You from
i, the drausht by standing between yo,
aud it." She replied, "Do you prom
isc always thus to guard aud protcc
me!" Through his proverbial gal
!, lantry, ho replied, 81 do" Extend
ing her hand, she remarked, "Dea
sir, you will remember this is Lcal
year." The man in the law was TO
, moment nonplussed, but finally Ii
succeeded in saying, "You must asl
= my mother"
, "Speakin' of lightnin'," said Chase
: as he rolled over in bed and turnc,
! his face toward the window, through
S which he could watch the electric
e flashes. "Spcakin' Of lightnin', fv'
t seen things'of that sort myself. Dow'
f in New Hampshire they have light
1 min sometimes. I've seen MI oxchail