davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17
An Essay on the Doctors
By rHE PAT CONTRIBUTOR =

Qmck, 90 for the Doctor? All
right, I'm going for him. l have been
aching TO 90 for the doctor a long
time; so here goes.
There are q great many kinds Of
doctor-big doctors and small doe
tors, old school doctors doctors Of the
new school. and doctors without any
schooling whatsoever. There are
doctors Of laws. and doctors Of sons
in-law; car doctors, and doctors
difficult 10 get the ear Of; tooth doc
tors. nail doctors. and doctors who go
at YOU tooth and nail; eve doctors
and I. O. [, doctors; eclectic doctors
electric doctors, and doctors not OF
the elect, who 20 IT mostly on tick
Thus we have eold-water doctors,
and doctors who straw 1t a good
deal root-doctors, and doctors whose
motto Is Root, hog, or die :"
Spiritual doctors, and doctors very
much out Of spirits magnetic doe
tors, and doctors who haven't any
magnetism in them-Or much else 4;
LAYING on Of hands doctors, and doe
tors who viii take any thing they can
lay their hands on, except, perhaps,
their own phvsie
Sweat doctors are numerous. II
they don't sweat their patients, their
patients sometimes make them sweat.
And there are few doctors who are
not compelled TO sweat around 4 good
deal 10 get their pay
Among Indian doctors are the full
bred. halfbred. con-bEed, and doctors
never bred Al r4l-at last not bred to
medicine-the latter class being far
the most numerous As a general
thing, Indian doctors, p they eall
themselves. know nothing whatever
about Indians; many of them never
saw one. Butthat Is nothing strange
in medicine. Men have practieed
medicine all their lives without enjoy
ing the slightest acquaintance with It
Herb doctors are popularity suppos-
ed to spend q large portion Of their
time in meandering though the fields
culling herbs, Nothing Of the sort
Lots Of them wouldn't know eatnip
from "pennyrilen if they saw them
growing. They Gull their herbs at
the druggists.
There are lung doctors and doctors
with very little lungs, although toler-
bic livers. Doctors are good Gvers as
general thing.
The throat doctor appears in a va
riety of forms not strictly recognized
in medicine. The hangman is the
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17
The Same Old Fight

Disguise the opposition under what
ever name YOU please, the impending
conflict Jsast be narrowed down 70
the two parties that have confronted
each other for the past sixteen years.
The mere title Of the opposition i
nothing. Its men and principles are
toe well known TO misleaJl the peO-
pie. Greeley, Trumbull, Schurz, and
other disafected politicians, have left
our camp. but the masses Of the peO-
pie are intelligent enough TO detect
the motive which led TO their deser-
ton They hope 10 gain in the Dem
ocratie party, what they failed 10 ex-
tort BY threats in our OWL Their
first move in the camp Of the enemy
was TO demand leading positions.
They said 10 their new-found friends.
Make Us your leaders or we shall
return 10 our old love" The Demo
eracy believing these men 10 have
many followers, have been led 10 sur
render their ancient policy 50 far as
10 accept these deserteTs a. figure
heads for the campaign, knowing that
the defeat of the Republican party
places the administration Of the gov
ernment in Democratic hands. The
pretended virtue Of these ambitions
gentlemen i too transparent 10 de-
eeive even a blind man We may
lose a few from our ranks, but we
shall more than recover our loss By
the gain Of honest men, who have
hitherto been preudiced against our
party, but who have made up their
minds that the best interests Of the
nation demand the continuance ofthe
same party in power. that has already
done so much toward the development
Of our resources, toward the payment
of our debt. and the reduction Of tax
alton, toward the establishment OF
prosperity and good government
throughout the nation Every day
We are receiving into our ranks men
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17
Made Him Pay

When General Jackson was Pres
dent, a heartlesS clerk il the Treasury
Department ran up al indebtedness
with poor landlady SEQ. and then
turned her of a be did other credit
ors. She finally went 70 the PreSi-
dent with her complaint. and asked
him if he could not compel the clerk
10 pay the Bill
He offers his note. she said. but
his note / good for nothing
Said the President. Get his note
and bring il 10 ne
The clerk gave her the note. with
the jeering request. she would let
him know when she got the money
On it
Taking il 70 the President be wrote
Andrew Jackson on the back Of II
and told her she would get the money
al the bank.
When il became due the clerk re-
fused 70 pay the note, but when be
learned who was the endorser. he
made haste TO raise the wind. - The
next morning he found a note on his
desk saving that his services were no
longer required by the government
and Il served him right.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17
On Bathing.

The benefit 10 be derived by al
classes from personal abution Is Of
universal interest. and highly esteem
ed in ancient record The physical
strength and vigorous constitution Of
the Greeks and Romans are justly at
tributed o much 10 their habits OF
bathing as 10 their regular exercise.
1t must be remarked generally, in re-
ference 10 cold bathing that the head
should touch the water first, a. the
blood naturally recedes from that part
OF the body which first comes in con-
tact with the cold. The water, on
touching the surface Of the BODY.
gives a shock 70 the whole system.
and the blood i forced from the su-
perfcial TO the deep-seated vessels
and on leaving the water. provided
the bather has been In a moderate
time, q reaction takes place from the
centre TO the surface; this kind Of
circulation Is very healthy, and In II
consists the great benefit Of the cold
bath. Warm baths are Of greater in
portance than Is generally supposed.
They nav be taken with great adran-
tage both summer and winter. and
while the body i at any degree OF
temperature. They are not in any
degree, when used in moderation, de-
bilitating but, on the contrary. are
attended with health and vigor The
warm bath has powerful effect in
exciting the circulation Of the blood,
and in promoting perspiration and
other natural seeretiOns, thereby ef-
fectually arresting many ineipient
diseases. In connection with the
bath, for any common ablution, com
mon salt many be advantag geously
used. II disSolvcs IN water. and pre-
vents any risk Of taking cold; II Is
also a powerful tonic, and general in
vigorator Of the system
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17
''Ssrry He Did Not Learn a Trade. =

4 young man, well dressed and Of
prcPossessing appearance, called Al
our Office recently and inquired il
great earnestness II we had employ
ment of any kind to give him for but
a few DAYS, if no longer, as he was a
stranger in the citE. ont Of money,
and unable to pay for a few days
board and lodging He further sta
ted that be was book-keeper, but al.
ter a diligent search, be had found no
one who wanted any help in tha,
line, nor could be obtain employment
at anything that he felt competent 10
perform in satisfactory manner The
positions Of clerk and book-keeper be
remarked, were all filed, and appli.
cants for them far in excess of the de.
niand. Il am sorry said be. that
| did not learn a trade
The appeals Of the young man ex.
cited our sympathy, but, requiring nc
farther assistance in the Office. We
were compelled to reply to his eager
questioning that we could not employ
him.
The door closed after him. and be
again went out 10 continue what. in
all probability, proved to be a fruit
less search for employment But his
words fingered behind him. and, a:
We sat musing on them, recalled te
mind the oft-repeated expressions o,
the mechanic, in which he reprove;
himself for want .of foresight in Sc
lecting Al occupation Here j an
doomed, be says, TO toll in shop, a
work which is hard, afording but pool
pay. Like a-dog, | must come at th,
call OF a whistle, or Ike a servant
obey the summons Of bell; had
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17
General Fitzpatrick.

General Fitzpatrick was a dashing
soldier during the war, and once,
upon a time, a fair Republican. But,
like Horace Greeley. be has a sore
spot he thinks be has been neglected ;
and because be is out Of q fat posi-
ton. be thinks Grant a tyrant, and
Greeley the only honest man, except
himself, worthy of public confidence.
fitzpatrick once held 6 fat ofice-n'.n-
lister TO Chiii drew his pay in gold,
and slashed away al Democracy as
be did at the Rebels, while leading
"Sherman's bummers~ in that IA
nous march 10 the sea. But he came
home on a visit, staid too long, was
ordered back, got mad as old Sanche.
swore in a dozen languages, threw up
his commission and his Repubficanism
and today we find him AZ the Demo-
cratic grindstone, sharpening his saber
for his last great raid, against his old
leader. Poor fellow! be ought 10
know better, but be don't, so be must
learn by experience how It feels 10 be
on the wrong side. II the Tribune
philosopher had offered 10 take com
mand OF Sherman's noble army at
Atlanta, fitzpatrick would have brok-
en- his sword in disgust +; vet to-day he
wants 70 put him in position a com
mander-in-chief Of the American army
to face even greater danger than ever
threatened the nation before What
a farce for a man who has smelled
gunpowder, who knows the value Of
tirmness, and courage, and executive
ability on the part Of a leader, 10 pre-
fer Greelevto Grant the broken reed,
to the strong oak, whose tough fbre
withstood the storms Of the past, and
now defes the tempests Of the future.
Shades of past glory! can this be
Fitzpatrick or the shadow Of his name, ,
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17
NO. 5.

the most thorough throat doctor We
have, His remedy-a structure o
hemp-rarelv..fails to cure the mos
obstinate throat difficulty Few per
sons have ever been heard to com
plain Of their throat after the first ap
plieation.
Bar-keepcrs arc another variety o
throat doctors, whose mixtures, also
are too familiar to many people
Cold water Is the safest thing for Tho
throat as an inward application.
Pepper doctors were quito poPulal
some wears ago. They don't peppel
u 30 much as they did, though MANY
doctors are Peppery enough
Mustard doct0rsare in the army III
the most part, unless they are muster
ed out
Cancer doctors are almost a. nu-
merous as cancers themselves Every
cancer doctor exhibits 20 many can
Gers he has taken out that / have
sometimes wondered if 1hey didn't
take it out in cancers / was once
shown ! tumor 50 large asked the
doctor, if space was valuable, why be
didn't stick his patient away in glass
jar and let the tumOr walk around
Movement doctors are irving hard
10 get up q movement, but. bless you,
the old-fashioned pill doctors arc
years ahead Of them. They are the
original movement doctors.
Corn doctors should not be over
looked Some Of them are very
skillful in taking of a corn. i corn
doctor took of corn for me once
and he took il of 80 far il was nearly
a week before It got back again
No man who hasn't horse sense has
any business trying 10 be a horse doe
tor, although be may get 8 diploma %
doctor men. Even the constitution Of
a horse NAV be broken down By IN
skillful treatment, vet IN selecting .
physician for ourselves we occasional
ly forget that The horse doctor
sometimes gets more kicks than cop
pers, though he i one Of the few
privileged persons who i excused for
looking a gift horse in the mouth.
The healthiest town / ever knew
was ont IN Illinois, one summer, when
the doctors went East 70 sttend q
medical convention, neglecting 70 re-
turn for several months The doe
tors found when they did get back
that their patients had al recovered.
the drug stores had bursted, nurses
had,opened dancing schools. the Gem
etery was cut up into building lots
the undertaken had gone 70 making
fddles, andthe village hearse had been
gaudlv painted and sold for circus
wagon
Although l have metaphOrieally
gone for the doctors. let nothing !
have said be construed a. rejecting
upon them as aelass. They are good
humored. and can. therefore. take o
joke, and for the most part are chari-
table and humane. l have a good
many friends among the doctors. vet
they are the very last men l want 70
call On.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17

studied bookkeeping or entered 8
store as a clerk, / might have been
leading a much easier and more pleas
urable life.
In the cases cited, we ind each one
dissatisfied with his selection and
wishingto exchange places. And the
difficulty at once presents itself. as ID
how we shall decide for them and the
classes they represent, so that
seeming mistakes in selection NAV be
remedied. We acknowledge we are
unequal to the task
Food, clothing, tools, machinery,
houses, ships, and an almost endless
variety of ether things are continual
ly in demand, which require the labor
Of farmers and mechanics while that
class which makes exchanges (mer-
chants) Is Of necessity comparatively
few in number, and. therefore, needs
but a small force Of assistants The
necessities Of the millions Of earth re-
qnire by far the largest number Of
persons to he employed in agriculture
and manufactures. Whenever then,
through pride or any other motive,
parents disregard the law and ene0ur-
age their sons in seeking after situa-
tions, as clerks, bOok-keepers, eet,
rather than 10 engage in those pGr-
suits for which there Is always a na-
tural demand, there must be a cores
pOnding amount Of suffering a. pen
atty. Hence we find the so-ealled
respectable occupations are giutted,
while the mechanical branches are
suffering through the lack Of skilled
laborers. An advertisement for a
clerk VIII quickly bring 10 the Office
door a small army Of applicants Of
all sizes and ages, while the want
column may plead several DAYS for
good mechanic, and fail TO meet with
a response.
Sorry be did not learn a trade. =
Let apprentices and iOurneymen. who
nav be bewailing their lot, at once
resolve 10 thus repine no longer, but
by hard study and close application
master their trades. and having done
80, demand a fair compensation.
Then by adding TO skill, honesty,
punctualify and economy il expendi-
lures, there need be no fear that they
shall be compelled al any time 70 beg
for sufficient employment 10 pay for 4
DAYS board and lodging.-C0Gch
HoEers' Journal
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17

who have opposed us IN the past, who
clung 70 the Democratic party until
II surrendered IT. identy into the
hands n Greplev and Brown They
object 20 beng bought 1r soid without
their consent They are the advance
guard # thousands who VIII take
this occasion 80 leave a party that
long since sold rs honor % the devil,
and which would have been buried
wears ago, but for the vitality impair
ted 10 its corrupt form, By the few
honest men who, looking al is old
traditions. were blind 10 II faults.
Horace Greeley has had influence In
the past. but his arm is P0weriess
nov. Like ether prominent men who
have Travelled the same track, be VIII
wakcn 70 the truth that men are inhU-
ential and powerful 30 far a they are
right. and when they desert the right
their followers vii desert them
Horace Greeley carries no strength
with him. In the renewal Of the old
fight We shah not miss his presence,
uor Rill the enemy be stronger for r.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17

Richmond lost MS father when but
a child, and he was thrown upon his
own resources, with mother to sup
port, al an age when more fortunate
children are acquiring the rudiments
of an education. He engaged in the
business of salt-boiling at Syracuse
when a mere lad, or at least some
years before attaining his majority
and while in the prosecution of his
business he met with an adventure al
Saesett's Ha-bor, the result of which
Illustrated some of the peculiarities oi
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17

& SHOWER OF BLOoD.-Letters
from Palermo. Rome, and other towns
Ia the south Of Italy. mention a fall
Of red or blood-eolored rain. on the
10th and lith Of March, after al
mospberie conditions which led NJ.
Tarry, Of Paris. and Father DEMO
TO expect such a phenomenon Tbe
particles Of sand which cause the
color are found by analysis 20 be ex-
aetly similar 70 the sand Of the Arr
can deserts.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17
GRANTS WHATS THE MATTER.


B1ufires hla1e and canDons r1ar.
What, what's the matter:
Waves the good old tag 0Dre m0re,
What. what's the matter
We rally round the brave AMI true
Freedoms hattie c-r renew.
Hurrzh fOr Grant and Wilson, too,
That's whats the matter;
Grants what s the mStter nov.
Grani's what's the motIer,
To victory, we're marching nov
Thai's what's the matter.
Listen to the peoples voice,
What what's the matter
Grant and Wilson Is the choice.
That's what's the matter
On TO RirfTmdnd long ago.
Grant marched ana laid Rcbellion low,
Again to Washington he'll 60,
That's what's the matter;
Grants what's the matter,
Grants what's The matter,
To victory we're marching now,
That what's the matter.
Blow the bugle beat the drum
WHIST NhsI the matter,
The yc-,r Of jubilee has come,
That's what's the matter;
Grant and Wilson here We greet,
All foes before them must retreat.
For they're a team that can't he beat
That's what's the matter;
Grants what's ihe matter nov,
Grants what's the matter,
TOvict1ry we re marching nov.
That's what's the matter.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17
Read the Following List Of
Claims Paid.

James Joloe, New NOrk City, q. BOO J.ay1ner;
ureraue months
= d. {. Hampe, New Yu-E City. y. .0D0. ,av-
meni overdne months and dArs-
Mrs O. b. Hart Chiezgo, H. a.. 900 Jsyrnerlf
oTerdnt months and Is days
II =. Moore Boysan- Mass, s-Ose. payment
overdue mouths and X days
James Z. Adair. New MRysyille, Ind q 900
% vmeli overdue . m9nihs and days
Bernard O'Ciradr. Detroit Mich. g 051 pay
Dcni overaas years 10 m0csfhE and II dxvs.
Jones u EstshrSok- fiichburg. Mss 81 ooo,
payment eFe-dEe ye4rt- r8aIItk and days
GOODCHILD MARSHALL Agents.
1UBe l2--2 Somerset; Pa
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17

Il never gOto church. . said an IRE
weren't man to a pious lady: Il al
ways spend Sunday in settling ac-
counts There is another day. =
said the lady. '-that win be spent In
the same way What dav s. asked
the man The day of judgment. ="
was the solemn reply.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17

A large party Of Americans, most
Of them from New York, are travel
ing through the Holy Land on horse
back, accompanied by guides, and
their baggage on the backs Of eamels.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17
This Protection AppliestO any Age,
-. ~ -
An4Is expressly ssassf inesery Policy.
THEADyANTAGEoF sUCHPRoTBCTION.

Tah Is tSeerlit that nv is;e husband Daniel
Y ThurITsssHL was frlsure-d n The Berkshire Life
Insurance Company, Piffsheld. Mass. for 81 900
Bes-Eni-er lq3h ls-u prem ufn pagahe quarterly
Tha- two - ayEnesfs WEre ni3de up 10 June lsIh-
n rha- he died Octo1e- 1sth, feu- months afte-
b. failed o. make he rayIleDt-
ff.e usuai prpois - oeart were forwarded % the
Company. and the fan amount Of the policy. less
Tia two quarterly Jaymenis due 81 the time II his
death. was paid 20 MT i,y their Gene-ai gent IN
PHILADELPHIA ". II Cirsves 81 fhsir offoe, :. ".
c1-rtr Chestnut and Eleventh Streets
fSiguHdl NETTIE THOMPSON.
W. u. Greene. late 81 New York. insured a few
wears since In TIE Berkshire Liie Insurance Com
}sny for $3.50. but ius 10 misfortune in Eusi
ness was unA,de "a make any payment 10 the
Company during one year AIld i've months ITlor 20
lis decease ! have tbs csy paid fat the New
YORK o-fice q tie Company 81 Broadway. corner
20 Ciiaucers street y three thousand two hundred
and uiDFty ne DC lars- ffis being the flii smouD;
oae D his wia-r az e. dssncfin. the overdue pay
inelis ans iuieresi
J. Il. FRANCISCIS
New lcrk- March lIth 20 Superintendent
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17

For example Suppose Yea are thirtE -iVe Nears
of age and take a Reserve fund Policy a. o.
dinarv lie rates
dnvg
Two annual payments wiz insure you years
and y DAYS
Three annual payments VII insure Euu years
and - days
Five annual payments VII insure you 10 Eearz
and g DAYS.
SIX annual payments vii insure yOu l. years
and i DAYS
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-07-17

Il ask nothing, captain in the
same gentle voice that always ch aar-
acterized his speech no man can be
expected TO swerve from duty. on.
ly wish to speak a few words to Lau-
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1872-11-20

NOrIcE-The next session Of the La.
noble County Good TeuPlars Union will
be held with waterville, Lodge. No. As.
at waicville, on Tuesday, Dee. 10. CON-
menciag at 10 O'Clock, A. NJ.
Ii is earnestly requested that ever,
Lodge in the county may be represented,
a. important matters are expected to
cone teiors the Union. APOblic lecture
nay he expected in the evening aud all
are cordially Invited to attend.
c. +. SPAFTORD See'y Of UHiOn.
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1872-11-20
r OOk OUT FOR THE ENGINE
IL WHEN THE BELL. RINGS!


The Subscriber wishes TO inform the citizens 81
Hyde Park and vicinity that he s permanently 10.
catsd Mt his residence in Hyde Park and has recent
ly built Photograph gallery and Taiior's shop,
where he will carry on both branches, viz: Photo.
graphing and Tailoring in the latest and most
approved les, and oil work in both departments
Ocgauranteed TO giue perfect satisfact-
ION or no pay is required IN
The subscriber has worked in 10 villages and
cities under the Crown In all the various branches
of picture making, and he natters himself that he
can satisfy the wants Of the people of "Spunky
Lamoile and its surroundings, in that depart
mont. He will not enumerate the different styles
Of pictures hut would say that all are taken by
him. Copying and Enlarging done cheaper than
the cheapest elsewhere. Tin-Types and gems, "a
for Scots. All others as cheap in proportion to
their sizo. Photo apis, s2.25 per doseR.
Q-B lie is also ready TO 20 and wait apen
those VINO wish PIC res taken at their residences
of sick or decease persons. The weather will
The latest fashi sreceivsd quarterly. Gar
msnts cut aud made at the shortest notice and in
the latest tyles, ~ fashion TO SUIT the minds
of customers Cutting done for others 30 mai o
and warranted 10 suitthe customer.
he, with ready goose and shears,
Has proved his skill for many years,
And In the history of his art
He has ever cut a nehle part.
His measure ever has been true,
And what he seams hall prove :, you
Hes always fhithfnl TO day,
And whathe does is done 20 stay;
And what Ia natures oversight
In form or make, he'll set Alright
By usixg a iiNie Eadding
Hyde Psfk, August IA, 1879. 8tf
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1872-11-20
Probate Notice.

State of Vermont, Lamoillc District, SIS. In
Probate Court, held at johnson in said Dist,
on the 28th day of Oct. A. ID. 1872.
Almond Whiting, Administrator of the Estate Of
Azariah w. Morgan, late Of
johnson, in said District, deceased presents his adj
minlst. ston account for examination and allow
nuce, And max es application for decree Of distr-
button and partition of the estate of snid deceased
Whereupon ID is ordered by said Court that said
application come under consideration and be heard
on the ls tn day ofsNov.. D 1872, at the Probats
Office in Johnson and IL is further ordered, that
all persons interested be notified hereof by publ-
cation of notice this application md order there
e., three weeks successfully in the Launoille News
Il aler printed at Hyde Park, before said time of
!, saring, that they may appear a. said time and
see, and, II they see cause, object thereto.
5ow3 Atfest. S S. PIKE, Register.