The Findlay Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Hancock County, Ohio) 1870-1881, 1872-01-26

from the Philadelphia Transcript
MOTHER IN IN-LAWLESSNESS.


y MOTHER IN-LAWLESSNESS.
= My name is Tubbs, and sm sen
r arated from nv wife. The latter
g not, be it understood, consequence
e of the former for although 1 admi
h that Tubbs is very euphoniou
4 name, still it cults me, and, as far a
g | know, was always satisfactory t.
r, Augustine. Her mother did, l be
:; lieve. at the earliest stage of my in
4 timacy with her daughter, sniff dis
n dainfully when it was pronounced
n but my good conduct and the steadi
ness of my devotion overcame he
: objections, if she had any, and Tubbs
: by material consent, was added to
4 Augustine Clarissa. No! the cause
e of our separation grew up in the fam
e lily. Could l have looked into futur.
lty-had l foreseen-but no matter
a Augustine is with her mother, and
as that old lady is up to the average
OF mothers in law, she is very like.
ly to stay there. l am fond of cats
Candldly, l detest them.
My CONSERVATION can therefore be
imagined when, coming home one
evening, l saw, w,slumbering serenely in
the lap Of Augustine. young spec
linen OF this species. / mildly pro-
tested, my mother.in-law's statement
to the contrary Notwithstanding. /
represented, as glowingly as l was
able, the treachery of the animal, its
proneness to dissipation and late
hours, and expressed it as my unal-
terable opinion that no we'll regulated
family should tolerate one. But no :
81 wished to deprive her OF every
comfort > and the inevitable moth
er, who was present, added that 81
was jealous OF the cat.' / yielded.
Under my wife's care the beast
prospered. Its power for mischief
rapidly matured. I'll say nothing
OF its foraVs upon the milk jug, Of
its sampling every article of food be-
fore | partook OF it. but come at
once to tie catastrophe that disola.
ted my home. The cat grew disso-
lutte, as / knew it would. Absent
all night, and complete done up in
the morning. was shocked, and OBJ
jected strenuously. Augustiae wept,
and restrained it of its liberty. Our |
estrangement began here.
We slept. | was aroused suddenly,
Augustine exelsiming: "They are
numbering a child somewhere % I
listened. 1t was est. A male cat |
beneath our window. I said 80.
Whether our interesting feline had
made an engagement that she was
unable to keep, or that the gentle
man below was merely warbling his
attachment to her, | cannot say.
There was a vigor in his squalling
that suggested broken promise, and
finish that stamped his old per-
former His initial note was terrific,
and he rose by slow stages to a grand
eur that curdled the blood. A brick
would have been of incalcuable value.
A proposition to Augustine 10 throw
ont our cat to appease him turned
to tears, and l abandoned the idea.
resolved to expend the water pitch
er. The movement was arrested by
squall so rssping, so defiant, that
Augustine shrieked. The minstrel
below had been joined by another
cat. There was short fierce colo
quy-a noise Ike an engineer test
iog the water in his boiler, and, a
combat ensued. conceived an idea.
| had seen on the stage the
herione Of the piece throw
herself between two rivals, and cry
ing ''forbear!" spoil a very pretty
hight. acted on this. l tore her
from her nightly resting place the
cause of contention outside, and hur-
ried to the window. Augustine di-
vined my intention, and threw her
self upon her favoIite "Let go!,
"NeveI"
We both pulled. Augustine had
the tail. 1t was strongly united
one, and stood the pressure. An
idea let go the agitated qusdrup-
ed, who Immediately established the
truthiulness of my previous assertion
by corrugating her benefactress. Au-
gustine, clinging convulsively to the
tail, furthered the execution. l am
here accused of fiendish cruelty, of
possession of the cat, and
throwing it, with a portion of Angus
tine attached, out of the window
To those who know me denial is un-
necessary. Augustine threw her
self into the maternal arms next |
whereupon the maternal
arms threw a bench at me. i have {
done my cooking ever since. 1 am
likely to do so. But l wish it dis
tinc;ly understood, that if, from the
deprivation of my society, the un-
happy woman finds an early grave
it is not | who did it. It's her moth
er. Let The finger of scorn be point
ed at her. She can stand it. Per-
sonal conversation will show that
shs can stsnd anything. But thank
Heaven, the cat is dead. smile when
| think of it.