Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1872-03-14
OF Il .tPpETfZIR.

Cash advances attentions to a
rich widow.
The bitter end the last halr inch
of a penny cigar,
Notes 10 n poem nre Ike anatom.
iea' lectures on saNory joiut.
leave well alone is good rule,
bat leave i'll alone is better.
--Bergh intends to arrest MI per
sons in New York who bottle catsnp'
"A rum blossom is one species Of
rye flower.
What fruit is the most visionary?
The apple of the eye,
--Proverb A thorn in the bash i.
worth two III the hand
A Western editor called Alexis
the noble iiuss.' The printer made
il kuss."
We are acquainted with At irroy-
crent wretch who calls Shakespeare
the blIl OF the Ray.
The man that bit another man y
nose oft IN an atlray is said to have
taken prominent part in the fight.
Women think that all men ara
tMeycS-thcy may rob them even Of
their names.
Any fool can make a woman talk.
bat its rather bard to make one listen.
Boston papers say that New
York wives, when cnragcd againat
their Spouscs, call them custom house
frauds.
A celebrated writer SAYS that one
good mother is worth u hundred
school masters.
A western bachelor editor in.
scrts marriages under "mcIanchoIy
Accidents"
When man has mo mind Of his
own his vito generally giyes him a
piece of hers
Though Titania hade Bottom lis.
ten TO her, she never asked him To
lend her his ears.
A sign in Red Bank reads thus:
"New maid and old maid c.othin,
always on hand
-"If / am stack up, Tn not
proud" rs the butterfly said when
pinned to the side Of the show CASE
The Enclishman who called tho
lioosac tunnel "bIasted hole was
literally correct.
A Paris Journalist has compared
France toa bottle Of champagne, Of
which NJ Thicrs is the cork.
The latest railroad joke out is on
:bc new station agent who made a
reqnisition for "red oil for signal
lamps.
"A younGstcr Of literary tastes De.
scrlbed Darwin aa the one v no be.
iieyrd ave degcneratcd from a mou.
key
-" Is not Horace Grcely College.
bred mar p asks correspondents.
" No, Sir, he Is Il Graham bread man.
A man ont west was offered =
dish ofmaccaroni soup, but declined
1t, declaring that they cou!dcut
play off any billed pipe stems oh him"
A certain good wife, who h,l
been Iecturinq her husband for com
tng home intoxicated, was iucrnscd
At his Indifference, and cxrIainei
ooh, that conlj wiring tears of
anguish from your eyes ~
"To which the hardened wretch
hIc coughed: "'Tai tain't no use old
woman, to bo.bore for water here !"
An Illinois clergyman forbade
any further contributions Under five
cents, saying that :" the widows mite
business is played out here" "
A temperance editor, in drawing
attention 10 an article against ardent
spirits, in oue Of his papers, says:
=" For the effects Of intqmpcrancc SEQ
our lIsidc,
The latest dodge of vorny la,lips
who don't want to 3" obey tho mar.
riage ceremony, is Ia repeat in inds.
tlnct tones and manner, !olc, honor
and be gay.
"A young man having late rail
road disaster in his mind, ha. brokcn
an engagement with a yonug lady be-.
Cause She wears train aud il EcgIi-
gent about her switch.
--Molie Morton is Inc most nnpop.
nlar young lady in Louisville female
circles now She was the especial "a.
yorite Of Alexis when he wa, in that
city.
An elderly maiden lady, hearing
for the first time that matches arc
made IN heaven, declared that she
didn't care straw how soon she left =
this sinful world for better land.
"A minister at colored wedding
who wished to be humorous, said:
-" On snch occasions it il customary
to kiss the bride, but in this case we
vii; omit it." TO which ungalant