Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1872-10-04
LEVITIES AND BREVITIES.s4-.

OpO1 6ILi lOib III 1LuSl6iIOs
How to make rich jam-Crowd thirty
fashienably dressed ladies into one street
car.
The Louisville Exposition offers premi-
un for q hen that can lay brick.
Selfmade men are most always apt TO be
little too proud of the job.
Supplemental treaty-T shall smoke,
dear, now Pm married." g aE7 r
James Gordon Bennett is erecting a
100000 monument over his fathers grave.
In New York "spittoon" is vulgar. sYou
must say "cuspador::"
Lady Herbert is coming to America in The
interest of the Catholic Church.
A waiter in ali Algiers restaurant has
pair of mustacheS that he can tie behind
the back Of his head in bOwknos.
?. T. Barnum offers to wager 100000
that Connecticut casts her electoral vote
foI Greeley and Brown.
A letter was lately dropped into the post
Office at Niagara Falls, directed to "Schl-
chagough, 1llinoyse." .--
The chief advantage Of roasting chest
nuts Is said to be the rich and gamey flavor
it gives the worm.
Miss McPike, st. Louis woman of
eighty-six, married a civilized Indian of
sixty-seyen. sLo, the poor INDIAN Ga
An irritable man who was disappointed
in his boots threatened TO eat up the shoe
maker, but compromised by drinking a
cobbler.
A little girl was tenderly nursing her sick
doll the other day, and on her mothers ask
ing what allied it she replied, OTIS got the
Alabama claims very bad. ---------------
Tricks and treachery are the practice Of
fools that have not sense enough to be
honest.
A smart young clerk, hearing it stated by
lecturer that man is merely machine,
remarked, "Then l suppose an attorney
may be said 10 be suing machine" Is
"See Naples and Gle" says the proud old
Italian proverb. 81 didn't quite die"
commented profane American, shut did
very nearly. The smell was awful"
A school committee in Kansas having adj
Vertised for 10 smart teacher" a man
named Mustard applied for the situation
and was accepted.
There are many people who not only be-
lieve that this world revolyes on its axis,
but they believe that they aIe the axis.
Horses are excellent musical performers
sometimes. One OF them has been known
to go through the bars Of field correctly
and without missing an oat. 7r
The man whose wife extorted from him
a promise not to smoke finds that, as there
was no Government stamp on 1t, it has no
effect upon him until after Oct. /.
An Irlshman, taking book 10 the binder,
was asked if he would have it bound in
Russia (meaning Russia leather), to which
he replied, sNo, that 'ud be a trifle too far
to send it; I'd much rather you'd get it
done in Dublin"
A debating society discussed the ques-
ton, "Is it wrong to cheat lawyer?" AZ
ter full discussion and mature deliberation,
the decision was, ''SOt wrong, but too diff
ficult to pay for the trouble"
OFF de white folks be as dark as dat out
dar," said negro who wss gazing at some
Japanese in California, 81 wonder what is de
color OBJ de black folks?'
The Boston AdUertiSer wants all home
less cats to share the poor children's excur-
sion down the harbor, but unfeelingly adds
That it is not at all particular about their re-
turn. -..
A traveller would have been late for the
noon train yesterday had he not stepped on
Il plL 81 lilS nC1A VA liC Ssa~iAS'
--DGRblGy Meas. ...
"One of the Singed" in Chicago writes
to his paper to propose that the Chiea-
goans shall hold a great jollifcation meet
ing next month, on the anniversary Of the
great fire.
TIL reporters who attempted to take a
verbatim report of the remarks at the last
session of the British Association, got as far
~ he.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ombezene."
Twenty years ago man wanted to buy
a farm arrived at Shelby Church, Indiana,
but disappeared almost Immediately. A
few days ago skeleton with fractured
skull was accidentally exhumed at that
place.
If the old COW does bother you when you
are milking, by switching her tail in your
face, don't tile TO the arm of your eldest
born. A man did that on the Pacific slope
the other day and now he has no eldest
born.
There are nineteen young ladies' at New
port who have tried for six seasons past to
secure husbands, and the way young
man is scrutinized when he first arrives at
this resort is awful, if he be of q modest
and retiring disposition.
"Pd rather not take horn with you,"
said the loafer to the mad bull; but the bull
insisted on treating him to two, and the
loafer got quite high.
A cheese factory of 200 COW power is TO
be erected in Conneautville, Penn, this fall,
ready TO commence active operations early
in the spring.
The attempted assassination of Amadeus,
plotted by Amadeus, is reacting in the
minds Of the people against the King. The
attempt and not the deed confounds them.
n French inventor recently made pub
lie trial Of boots designed to aid one to
walk on the water. Nothing ever foated
more beautifully than those boots did. But
the thrilling Circumstance that they floated
wrong side up nearly caused the inventors
death.
A young man asked q young lady her
age, and she replied: "Six times seven and
seven times three added to my age viii ex-
coed six times nine and four as double my
age exceeds twenty" The young man
said he thought she looked much older.
A schoolmaster gave ont one morning as
a reading lesson to bis first class that por-
ton of the ''hferchant of Venice" in which
the "pOund OF flesh" scene occurs. The
reading finished, he asked the class what
Shyl0ck meant when he said, "My deeds
upon my head?'' "Well," said the tallest
boy, 81 don't know, unless he carried bis
papers in his bst.n
The Danbtlry Ne,cS says: A denizen of
the sixth Ward was bitten by dog Monday
evening. As soon as he recovered from the
fright, he declared that he would kill the
animal. "But the dog isn't mad.n said the
owner. "Mad"' shouted the victim, exas-
peratingly, "what in thunder has he got to
be mad about?" He evidently misconstrued
the explanation. #-.-F
An English lady asks the British Acade-
my of Sciences to give her a million for that
she has discovered the principle which
difierentiates the finite from the infinite"
Mr. Csudle made the same discovery while
he was enduring Mrs, Caudle's curtain lee
lures, and had to pay for making it into the
bargain.
"What nuisance" exclaimed q gentle !
man at concert, as young fop in front !
of him kept talking in loud voice to q |
lady at his side. "Did you refer to me,
sir?n threateningly demanded the fop. |
"Oh, no; l meant the musicians there. who |
keep up such noise with their instruments |
that cannot hear your conversation" was
the singing reply.
At q reunion of the family of J. A. &.
Lee. of Owingsville, KY, on Friday, the /
3Oth of August, $4,000 we're placed under
.t.o ,,io+a of oont IF hia ohil6rar y,roaant