The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1872-02-01
Ezekiel Perkins Hat.

> The following story is told of a gen
: ial and festive lawyer, of the old time
. by name Ezekiel Perkins, well-tO
: do bachelor, who was always made
welcome at social gatherings, and va:
very popular. His weakness was toe
great fondness for good wine. Now
Mr.. Perkins had few peeuliarities
among them, he had an enormous
head, his hat always having to be
made for him. Then having got cne
70 fit his immense Uranium, he took
the very useless precautiOn of label
in the crown thereof, reading, "Eze-
kiel Perkins, Counselor and Attorney
at Law, Hartford Conn.,
His peculiar social failing was, that
at all stag dinner parties land to them
he eOttoned the most he got-he got
well, there is no use Sinking it, he
got rather intoxicated early in the
evening. He, however, had the facul-
/ ty OF knowing when he had got as
much as he could comfortably carry,
and knowing this, to take his leave.
One evening, Mr.. Perkins Wended
[ his way to Oneof the best mansions of
Hartford. he was in full dinner dress
-blue coat, with gilt buttons, white
/ vest, with black combinations, and
| spOtless linen. Lightly he stepped
along, his hat q little to one side,
swinging his cane. and humming an
air as he went. He was in high spir-
/ its, in view of spending an unusually
! pleasant neutrality-suspicious. the affair
in anticipation; and how often does
| it exceed the reality! Having arriv-
ed, and deposited his hat among q
number of others on the hall table, he
in due course sat down to Dime.
Now, a joker, knowing his head and
the propensity to indulge too freely at
these meets, determined to have s bit
of fun at his expense. So, during the
time which occurred before dinner was
announced he managed to take the
label out of Mr.. Perkins hat, and af-
fix it in the crown Of the smallest hat
on the table. He then retired and
awaited events. The dinner was, as
Mr.. Perkins expected, a prime affair;
so that, with song, jest, wit and wine,
he found himself, at the end of q cap
ital story by his host, q 'idoWn to his
bearings" as q sailor would say. Ris.
ing from his chair, carefully ysteadying
himself by the back, he nodded good
bye to the host (he could do no more)
and, expatiating on the good time he
had, and the excellence Of that last
joke, he got out Of the room with a
slight lurch only, and proceeded to get
hat.
''Pon me soul !n he said as he cron-
ed and mooned over the table, looking
for his hat-"pon me soul, that's the
Oes' joke / ever heard.n His utter
ance was rather thick. eyes, an the
besi dinner Was ever at.D Here he
gave lurch, but was steadied by the
waiter in attendance in the hall. At
last, after sWaying about some time,
he detected his label, and pouncing
upon the hat containing it, read aloud,
''Zekeal Perkins, cunslir a'-hie-cup-
turney-a-laW, Hartford, Coneteeut.-l
That's my hat"
Strengthening himself, he endeaVor-
ed to put on the article in his usual
jaunty style. It wouldn't do. He
bent to it, tried both hands, held it to !
his head, fairly trying to force his
head in, swaying, rocking, staggering |
the while but il wouldn't do. he |
couldn't understand It. Turning to /
the waiter, whose gravity had nearly !
given away at the gyrations, he said, |
with great politeness, Twill iblige me |
by readin' what's in that hat P'
Certainly, sir, Ezekiel Perkins, /
Counselor and Attorney at Law, Hart
ford, Conn.,
81 knew it! 1 knew it! That's it.
that's my hatW And Immediately
began the same performance, but with
more energy. After some moments
Of staggering, pressing and pulling,
until he was once more at fever-heat,
be again addressed the servant, and
with still more mystified air than
before, but determination, as 1t were,
to know the worst
81 beg pardon, but will you be pleas
ed to tell me who / am?n
Certainly, sir. know you perfect
ly we'll. You are Mr.. Ezekiel Perkins,
counselor and attorney at law here in
'I knew it! 1 knew it! That's
right; that's me, and that's my hat
but my heads most numerically 4
3welled %