Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1872-05-11
Nnmorons.
Joe Stansbury's Baby.

Joseplt Stansbury and his wife, Esther.
were neat, cosey couple, in good circum-
stances, having no children, and living in
nice, clean, tagged alloy-way, called in
Philadelphia court Mrs. Stansbury was
a bit OF shrew, as almost all smart and
cleanly houseSeepers usually are. She
kept her husbands clothing in the best Of
order, promptly sewing on all loose or
missing buttons, and her house was uni
formly in apple-pie order. Such excellent
cooking as Mrs. Starbury's was not often
tasted III plain families of moderate means.
Her shrewishness, in fact, served as u
piquant sauce to their happy and contentod
life, and Stansbury used to say that little
tretling once in a while was necessary 20
the health "f his excellent spouse.
at dusk, one evening, Mira. Stansbury
went out to the hydrant in the court TO
fetch pail Of water. On returning, she
found an old basket suspended from tho
knob of the front door. Putting her hand
into the basket she felt something alive and
kicking, but so wrapped up in rags that no
further discovery could be made without
unwrapping the object. A piece of paper,
folded like letter, lay beside the animated
bundle. Mrs. Stansbury Immediately re-
turned into the house, and by the light Of
tie lamp examined the billet. 1t was di-
rected to her husband. She broke the seal
and read us follows:
To JOE SrANsBURY--Sir l send you
the baby, which you will please take good
care of, and bring up right, so that it may
turn out to be better man than it's dad
dy. Oh, Joseph I've just found you ont
and what sly old rake you prove TO be
Who would think that such a sober old
spindle-shanks could be such tearing
down sinner ? The child is yours-you
may swear to that. Look at tits Joe
Stansbury all over You deceived me
shnmetu!ly, Joe. in saving you was
widowcr; but do a fathers duty by the
young one and I'll forgive YOU.
Your once loved, but now neglected and
hearl-broken NANCY.
7. S.-Don't let that shrewsh, sharp
nosed wife of yours see this note. Gam
mon her with some kind of a story about
the baby, or she'll tear its eyes out. N.
Stansbury was in the basement kitchen,
quietly eating his supper, and little imag-
ming what storm was brewing over his
head. The door of the kitchen was vio-
lcntly thrown open, and bis wife's voice
yelled out:
"Stansbury come up here, you old viii
! lain heres a mess for you"
( The astonished husband hastily obeyed
the summons.
Don't you want to see your Nancy, the
heart-broken Nancy ?" cried Mrs. Stans-
bury, as the neck partner of her bosom
hobbled up into the court.
Nancy! what Nancy is that ?" says
the husband, in fearful astonishment,
trembling in anticipation of a matrimonial
tempest.
"Why, Nancy, the mother of this baby
that's been hung up at our door, Mr..
Stansbury Oh, you look very innocent,
but Just read this note, and then look into
that basket. Don't be afraid it won't
. bite; it's got no teeth, poor thing. You'll
know it for, as the hussy says, it's JUS
like you. all over. Please goodness, III
I have my revenge-lll expose you before
/ everybody
! In less than five minutes The Stansbury
! front door was surrounded b. all the COS
! sips of the court-attracted 20 the spot b.
the loud voice Of the injured wife--to wi.
ness the process of unwrapping the baby.
Anxious expectation sat on every count
nance, as the Jealous woman uppinned ra
after rag from the body of the foundlinG,
the vigorous movement OF which astonish.
cd everybody.
"Il is full OF the devil already that
shows it's genuine chip of the blocS.
/ You'll soon see that it's like him in every-
thing-in short, Stausbury all over"
/ AT last, all the swadding clothes beir
removed, out dartod the baby in tie shape
of large gray cat, SelUta up in a straig.t-
! jacket! The sudden chagrin of MADAME
Stanshury, together with the wailings uDd
! ludicrous struggles of puss to get frsa.
caused roars of laughter among the spec.a-
/ tors, in which poor Stansbrry at first
taintiy joined. But when he saw that lis
wife relished the joke, his mirth waa hearty
and boisterous. Pussy was adopted iutn
the family, and ever after went by the
name Of Joe Stausbury's baby.