The Placer herald., 1872-07-06
NUMBER 46.
JOE STANSBURY,S BABY.

Joseph Stansbury, aud his wife Esther,
were a neat, cosey couple, in good circum-
stances, having no children, and living in
nice, clean, tagged alley way, called in
Philadelphia court Mrs. Stansbnry was
a bit of a shrew, as almost all smart and
cleanly housekeepers usually are. She kept
her, husbands cloth ng in the best order.
promptly sewing on all loose or missing but
tons, and her house was uniformly in apple
pie order. Such excellent cooking as Mrs.
Stansbury's was not often tasted in plain
families of moderate means. Her shrewish.
ness, in fact, served as piquant sauce to
their happy and contented life; and Stans-
bury used to say that little fretting once in
a while was necessary to the health of his
excellent spouse.
At dusk one evening Mrs. Stansbury went
out to the hydrant in the court to fetch a
pail of water, and returning, she found an
old basket suspended from the knob of the
door. Putting her hand into the basket she
felt something alive and kicking, but so
wrapped up in rags that no further discovery
could lie made without unwrapping the OBJ
ject. A piece of paper, folded like a letter.
lay beside the animated bundle Mrs. Stans-
bury Immediately returned into the house,
and by the light of the lamp examined the
billet. 1t was directed to her husband She
broke the seal and read as follows:
To JOE STANsBuRy-Sm- Il send you the
baby, which you will please take good care
of, and bring up right, SO that it may turn
out to be better man than its daddy. Oh,
Josephl I've just found you out; and what
a sly old rake you prove to be! Who would
think that such sober old spindeshanks
could be such tearing down sinner. The
child is yours-you may swear to that.
Look at tits Joe Stansbury ali over.
You deceived me shamefully, Joe, in saying
you was a widower; but do fathers duty
by the young one and III forgive you.
Your once loved, but now neglected and
heart Nancy.
p. S. Don't let that slrewsh, sharp
nosed wife of yours see this note. Cannon
her some kind of story about the baby, or
she'll tear its eyes out. N.
Stansbury was in the basement kitchen,
quietly eating his supper, and little imagining
what storm was brewing over his head.
The door of the kitchen was suddenly thrown
open, and his wfe's voice yelled out:
"Stansbury, come up here, you old vii
lain; here's a mess for you"
The astonished husband hastily obeyed
the summons.
Don't yon want TO see your Nancy,
your heart-broken Nancy % cried Mrs.
Stansbury, as the meek partner of her joys
hobbled up into the court.
"Nancy? What Nancy is that ?" said
the husband, in fearful astonshment, and
trembling in anticipation of matrimonial
tempest.
"Why, Nancy, the mother of this baby
that's been up at our door, Mr.. Stansbury.
Oh, you look very innocent, but just read
this note, and look into that basket Don't
be afraid; it won't bite; it's got no teeth,
poor thing. You'll know it, for, as the
hussy says, it's just like you all over.
Please goodness, I'll have my revenge-Ill
expose you before everybody"
In less than five minutes the Stansbury
front door was surrounded by all the gossps
Of the court-lttracted to the spot by the
loud voice of the injured wife-to witness
the process of unwrapping the baby. Anxious
expectation sat on every countenance as the
jealous woman unpinned rag after rag from
the body of the founding, the vigorous move
ments of which astonished everybody.
"lt is full of the devil already; that shows
It's a genuine chip of the old block. You'll
see that it's like him in everything-in short
a Stansbury all over"
AT last, all the swaddling clothes being
removed, out darted the baby in the shape
of a large gray cat, se,ced up IN a straight
jacket! The charging of Madame Stansbury.
together with the wailings and ludcrous
struggles of puss to get free, caused roars Of
laughter among the spectators, in which poor
Stansbury at first family joined. But when
he saw that bis wife reshed the joke, his
mirh was hearty and bosterous.
Pussy was adopted into the family, and
ever went by the name of Joe Stansbury's
baby.