Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1872-05-16
OCH APPETIZER.

and the other is that they have no
mind.
"A man who was told by a cIsr.
gymar to remember Lpt's wife, repi =.
rd that he had trouble enough with
bis own, withoat remembering other
meu's wives,
"A man must not keep his hat on
at place OF amtsement, because il
will Inconvenience thoSu behind him, a.,
but a lady can pile the tower OF Baby.
lon on her h1ad il she choose, ani
no one dares TO object.
--A A man whose cyosi!t was II t
good was reeo umended tp Try gl,s.
rS. He saws he went and took four
At the nearest drinking saloon, aud tho
result was that his sight waS so nmrh
Improved that he could see double.
-Corpulcut oil lady {" should
ike ucket for the train" Booking
clerk (who thinks he will make .
I joke) d" Yes'm viii yon go in ,he
passenger uaiu or cattie train ?'
Lady Well, if yon are u specimen
Of Whist shall experience IN tho
passenger train, give me ticket for
the cattle TRAIN. by all means
--~" These ladiee are ike birds that
are on the wing said n humorous
clerk to his employer, as brvy Of
slinp damselS left the store. Why
so p asked the proprietor. Be.
cause it takes them long time to
settle upon their purchase (perrhesl,
replied the clerk. The proprietor
saw tho point, and was SO gratiiied at
its acutrness that he at once raised
the clerks salary.
---" find, Dick, that you are in the
habit of taking my jokes and passing
them IA your owr. Do Won call that
pcntemauly conduct ~ " To be sure
| do, Tom. A true gentleman will
always take o Joke from friend"
Josh Billings says that the differ
nnce between 4 mistake and blum.
der ~ this When man puts down
a bal umbrella nni takes up good
one, he makes mistake but when
he puls down good one and takes
ap u bad one, he makes a bIunaer.
--" Professor" said stn1cr. IN
pcrsui, OF knowledge concerning the
habit of animals, "why does II cat,
while eating, tnrn her head first ono
way anl then another p 9 For the
reason, - replied the Professor, That
she cannot turn IL both ways at
once"
"A New York e,l,tor thinks from
the manner in which shirts are made
in that city there ogght TO be an IN.
speclion in sewing. lie says he went
10 the expense ht' new shirt the
other day and when he awoke in the
morning found himself crawling ont
! between two Of the shortest stitches,
"A contemporary Describes tn. girl
of the period ~ "Scklied Ger with
the pale dust o chalk.
Utah may have its plurality OF
wives, observed Mr. Qnilp, bwt other
parts Of the country have very sinGn
lar ones.
| "A Yankee editor ont west says
the march Of civilization is onward
--onwar,l like the slow but intrepid
steps of a jackncss to a peck Of oats
"A GEORGIA C6tonor'- jnry came
to the conclusion, after much cautious
| inquiry, that dead negro was
drowned because he couldn't keep
lii, head above water"
A tipsy follow who mistook =
globe lamp with letters on It Tor the
queen of night, exclaimed . vii
be blest it somebody hant stuck An
advertisement on the moon"
-" Every tree is subject 10 dis.
ease" said speaker in fruit grow.
crs' conventions What alltnent can
YOU fus on an oak y asked the char
man. Acorn" was the triumphant
reply.
Lydia Toinpson has been pre-.
sented b, the ad'ntrlng merchants OF
savannah with bale Of cotton weigh.
ing 400 pounds, ah1 neatly hcd
with blue ribbons. She IL not likely
to lose flesh for a while.
--Puncn advises farmers to sow
their P's, keep their Us warm, hive
their B's, shoot the J's, feed their Ms,
look after their potatoes i,s, and
lake lhcir E's.
---Euthquako cocktails arc all tho
20 in California. Iabur.saving bar.
tenders mix the ingredimtnt in hogs.
heads and wait for all earthquake 10
1Sbake them np.
| The Mormon sisters in Utah de-
vote he eazs laid By hens on sunday
toward the subscription IN assist the
poor emigrants from toreign coun-
/ les.
! I'm an article on attoent far in
that city, ,hp editor Of q Macon paper
SAYS n brother editor took q valuable
premnm hut an uukind policeman
made him put it right back where Ao
took IL from.