Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-09-13
HIGGINS AND THE WIDOW.

HIGGINS AND THE WIDOW.
One day Sandy Higgins came in
to my office and sat down without a
word. For some minutes he sat
still, watching me intently, as iftry-
ing to make out by the sound of my
pen what was writing.
Squire" he said at length, "did
| ever tell you about my scrape with
the widow Horny up here on the riv-
er?"
"Never did," said I, laying down
my pen, "let's have it.''
"They're curious creatures, wild
ows is" said he in a mcditative tone;
"and the more you study on 'em the
more you don't know anything about
'em. What was this thing I've read
about in Egypt, or some other coun-
try, that nobody could unriddle?"
''rhe Sphinx, probably" l re-
piled.
"Well," said he, "that was Wild
ow as sure as you ever had a gram
ny. Everything else in the earth
has been found out but them, and
they're as much mystery to-day as
the length of the North Pole. You
may read the history of the world
from Genesis to Revelations, and
you'll find that widows have been
the bottom or top Of five-quarters
Of all the devilment that has been
cut up. Was you ever in love with
onc?'
"Lots of thcm," said I.
"You're a great gander-that's
what you are," said he. ga man
that loves one and gets over it won't
never get bit by another, if he's got
as much sense as a ground hog. l
don't consider that I've got any
sense at all, but I'm a little too
smart to let another Of them get all
the trumps on me. The widow Hor-
ry that was speaking of is little
the handsomest woman, I reckon,
that ever looked a man into fits, and
I ought to be a judge, for I've seen
lots of pretty women in my day.
She was about twenty-five years old
when l went up there to work, just
in the bloom of her beauty, and as
full of deviltry as three-year old
mule colt. There was ball over
at Jenkins and of course l went,
for l always 60 where there's any
fun going on, and generally act the
fool before l get away. OF course
the widow was there dressed rs fine
as Solomon's lilies and flying around
as frisky as lamb in q rye patch.
l got introduced to her and asked
her to dance with me, and when she
flashed her eyes at me and said
yes l jumped up like I had set
down on hot griddle. You may
talk about sensation, but when she
took hold of my hand and | sorter
squeezed it, felt sensation as
big as load of wood, and it kept
running up and down my back like
squirrel with a hawk after him.
Pm very fond of dancing, but I'll be
hanged if l know whether | enjoy
ed it that night or not, for every
time she took hold of my hand, I'd
commence feeling very curious be-
hind my ears and up and down my
back again, and then l wouldn't
know whether was on earth or in
balloon, or on comet, anything
about it. It was undoubtedly a
case of love at first sight, and a
powerful bad case at that. For a
wonder l got through the frolic
without making conspicuous or cut
ting up any extras, as am in the
habit of doing when am in public.
I'd set my pegs to go home with the
widow after the ball, but just as 1
was fixing my mouth to ask her, up
steps big, long, leather-faccd doc
tor named Mabry, and walked her
off before my eyes. That rilcd me
some, but l kept my tongue still, in
wardly swearing to break his bones
the very first opportunity that pre-
sented itself. l saw there was no
use in saying anything, so l went
home and went to bed, and all the
rest of the night l was dreaming
about rainbows, angels, butterflies,
fiddles, widows and doctors, mixed
up worse than Dutchman's dinner.
: "Well, Squire, to make a short
story of it, l made up my mind to
have the widow, or kill myself or
somebody else"
$50 l made it convenient to be on
hand where she was, upon all occa-
'sions. couldn't eat nor sleep nor
work, and if the thing had held on,
I wouldn't have had sense enough
left to skin a rabbit. But I was
determined it shouldn't last long.
for I'd been fooled so often by wo-
men that I thought l wouldn't give
her time to think of anything but
me. She appeared to take to me
right sharply, and the doctor
seemed to mix in with me, but
didn't consider him no more than a
brush fence, for 1 was so far gone
thought she could see nobody on
earth but me. Well, Squire, things
went on so for about a month, and
one Sunday I screwed up my spunk
and put the question to her. She
sorter laughed and sorter looked one
sided, and finally told me she could
not give an answer just then, but il
I'd call at her house next Thursday
evening, she'd give me final an
swer. Thinks l, you're mine just
as sure as there's fiddler below
Whenever a woman takes time to
study she'll say yes. Squire, don't
the poets say something about the
calculation Of men and rats going
crooked?"
"Mice and men, Burns says"
answered.
"Well, mice and rats is all one
and so are men and fools sometimes
as l have found out in my travels
l was so sure she would haye me
that l went off and spent all m,