The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-10-15
H U MORO U s IT EMS

bedad when he knowss.me quite well?"
EB-A westemd editor recently married
a girl named Church, and he says he has
felt happier since he joined the Church than
ever he didIbefore. 81 ea u3e r'a
Nw A: soldier, telling:his mother of the
terrible firing at Chicaakamaugua was
asked by her why he did not get behind
a tree. %" Tree w said he there wasn't
enough for the officers" i't
eB"" Who was the meekest s.man, my
son, 'Esaid Fthe superintendent of boys
Bible class in the State of Vermont,
Moses. sir" "Very well, my boy and
who was the meekest womanP" "Please
sir, there neversswas no meelsest woman.Y
cB"It is told Of Connecticut field Of
icer, better acquainted with farming than
soldering, that when, circumstance placed
him in command Of Ehis regiment at Hat
teras,he wished toIoblique his column in
marching and gave the order, "Haw around
that mudpuddle," M
GB-" What ever God made is perfect
said Western preacher.
'".What s.do you think of me?' said a
hunchback rising and exhibiting his own
deformity.
"Why, that you are as perfect hunch-
back as l ever saw"
GaS Johnny, when aged five had.his pic
lures taken. Every visitor must needs be
shown the album, the front part of which
contained card of Johnny, taken when he
was baby Without giving the visitor
a chance to look at it he turned to the back
part of the album, saying: "Don't look at
that That's me, when I toas little girl.
Now Pm big boy"
GB- When Mrs. Isabella Beecher Hooker
was spleading before the Willimantic Sc
lectmen for the admission of women as yo-
ters, she stated that she believed one of the
gentlemen before her was in sympathy with
the movement. The gentleman referred to
asked her the reason for believing SO. and
she said she could see it in the twinkle of
his eye, 81 beg your pardon, said the
gentleman, "but that eye is glass eye.''
esg~ Clerical Gentleman, who objects to
smoke, and means to make an example:
May inquire your name, sir?' Com
mercial: "To be sure you may. Pm Da-
Wis, from Bradfod, in the stuff trade.
What name and line might yours be p"
Clerical gentleman with irony: Jones,
in the spiritual, sir. Commercial (not no.
ticing the irony: What an awful price
you've run gin up to Jones, in the last
fortnight" The clerical gentleman dis
covered he had friend in another car.
GB- During the late rebellion man out
west, in small gathering of friends was
urging upon their minds the Importance of
enlisting "Go, my brave friends" said
he fight for your countryside for it, if It
be necessary for it is sweet to die for your
native land" "But," said one, "if it is
sweet to die for ones country, why don't
gou goP" This was poser, and for mo-
ment disconnected him; but rallying, he
declared that he, as an individual, "was
not fond of sweet things"
GB-" "Phairest of the phair," sighed the
lover, "phancy pheeling when phoresee
the phearful consequences of our phleeing
phrom your phather's phamily. Phew
phellows could have phaeed the music with
so much phortitude as / have; and as
phickle phortune phails to smile upon our
love, phind myself phorced to phorego
the pleasure of becoming your husband.
Phair, phair Phrances, pharewell, phare
well phorever." "Hold, Phranklin, holdp'
screamed Phrances, 81 will phollow you
phorever p But Phranklin phled, and
Phrances phainted.
C William s. is teamster, who is no
ted for keeping late hours, as he usually
goes home at two o'clock in the morning.
Well, one stormy night about year ago
William concluded to go homo early, and
accordingly he arrived at his house just at
midnight. In answer to his knock his
mother opened window and inquired:
"Who is there?"
"William," was the reply
NO, saiu BIG, You can U come Unat
over me my William won't be home for
two hours yet.
Poor Bill had to wait till his usual time.
CB-It is said that the following letter
was written toa lady in this county by
bereaved and stricken widow.
Dearest LOaisG:--Darling John died last
night. Congestion Of the lungs. Our loss
is his gain. will join him ON the other