The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1872-12-27
TERMS $500 PER ANNUM In ADVANCE.
THE PRESS
FRIDAY MORNING, DEC. 27. 1879
Gossip and GIeanings.

FRIDAY MORNING., DEC. 27, 1879.
Gossip and GIeanings.
Gravity is no more evidence OF wisdom
than paper collar is of shirt.
Tares which every wife is willing that the
husband shall sow-solitaires in her ears.
| What ancient instrument of war does
petulent lover most resemble PA cross bow.
The assassin's bullet is called "a transfer
ticket to Lone Mountain in San Francisco.
-Ihey are all "dead-heads" by that route.
1t cost Topeka man $50 n TO kiss an
other mans wife. The twentyseven cents
was added by the judge for winking at the in
jured husband of the kissed woman.
More account is made of the spirit than the
understanding in Kansas, and young man
was recently fined twenty-five dollars for cry
ing "amen" with flavor of levity at a
prayer meeting.
Another case where ardent spirits sent a
once happy man to Jail, recently occurred in
pennsylvania. A police-court judge was so
drunk that he said "thirty days., 4 instead of
"fve dollars and costs,'' as he intended
A friend of ours is getting model skating
suit made. The pantaloons are to be pro-
vided with springs, and upholstered. He
does not want to break the ice up and spoil
other peoples fun.
A worthy farmer in Georgia, who was car
ried home on a litter the other day, solemnly
asserts that nothing but a twenty-ton anchor
can hold sorrel mule down to the earth
after she has stepped in yellow jackets
nest.
Not man has been arrested in st. Johns
county, Fla, for year. This is not on ac-
count of the superior virtues of the inhabi-
tants of that district, but from their remarka-
BILE fleetness. They outrun the messengers of
justice.
Some one suggests, for the lafe arrived
traveller who found the FIFTH Avenue Hotel on
fire, the following Ii es of Sbenstone's:
"He who hath travelled lite's duh round,
Where'er his journeys may have been,
Moy sigh to think he still has found
His warmest welcome at an inn."
A Kenosha editor was sick unto death, and
several of his contemporaries took occasion
to free their mind concerning him. He got
well, and now ''they must meet him at the
muzzle of a revolver, or he will cram their
lying type down their false throats''
The young ladies of Buffalo invite young
gentlemen callers to leave their autographs
and the date of their visit in small book
Kept for the purpose This book is posted
once month and any young man who has
failed to record his name in that time is
dropped from the lady's acquaintance.
A young lady writes to an exchange giving
receipt for having fun. She says, invite
half dozen boys and girls to your house
WHCh yolI pa tlu LID dIS away uu1 d udii-
dollar silver piece in dish with molasses an
inch deep in it, and offer it to the boy who
gets it with his mouth. The more the boys
who try to get it, the more fun there will be.
They tell a good story of Colonial Davidson,
Adiutant General of Tnxas He received
bogus dispatch from Bell county, indicating
his election to the State Senate, whereupon
he promptly resigned his adjutants Office, and
his resignation was promptly accepted. Ifhe
had to do it again he would probably wait
for official returns.
"a Pocket Companion and Guide to Hap
piness" has been invented. 1t consists of
bottle made in the semblance of cigar.
When you are in the cars or even out walk
ing with the pride of your heart, you can put
the thing in your mouth and before you
have thought to ask if smoking is objectiona-
BILE you have bitten offthe end and drink of
fine old rye has percolated down your oesoph-
agus.
When Mrs. Elizabeth Cady Stanton was
delivering her lecture on the Coming Girl, in
Green Bay, Wisconsin, the other night, she