Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1872-10-11
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

HINrTo ToPERs-How to keep holi-
day-keep sober. 4r
RAILwAY aphorism--Every- milk train
has cow-catcher. t~ ~
HALF-PAY officers are generally Of re-
tiring disposition.
AN ungrammatical judge is apt to pas s
an incorrect sentence.
THE st. Louis Republican published a
marriage notice headed sHuggins-
Pleasant"
A POET begins an apostrophe to the
ocean with "Prodigious dampness!oo q
TEACH your children to help them
selves-but not to what doesn't belong to
them.
AN artificial florist who lives upon the
second floor may be called a second
Flora Ft haW
In is hard to respect old age when
one gets sold on venerable pair of
chickens.
HUDrBRAs calls matrimony a perverse
fever, beginning with heat and ending
with frost. f..,s. ,i,.,,-,
INsoLEs made of goose feathers are
the latest invention for keeping the feet
warm. $50 81 oeitt 1882 HWol 9GA
THERE is a shoe-maker's journal late
ly started-be sure you ask for the last
edition.
THEY say female compositors get through
their copy very rapidly, being anxiousto
get the last word. II r.3 s7f
THERE is poplar tree in Muhlenburg
County, KY, that measures forty eight
feet in circumference. ,go.s,ll +
A CALIFORNIA politician says that the
path of rectitude has been Travelled so lit
tie in that State of late years that it has
all run to grass. t'aH9} 9al "i '2.1i
TIN cards for tin weddings are in style.
If the mode should extend to providing
gold cards for golden weddings 1t may
prove expensive.
"A MAN who had his leg broken by a
patent fax-carder, says that mash'shin-
cry is the most appropriate name that
could be given to the darned thing.
You are writing out my affidavit on
very rough paper, said client TO. ms
attorney. ''Never mind, was the reply.
1T has to be filed before it comes into
court"
THE Danbury Neaos calls attention to
the light and airy nothingness now com
ing into market as gate-hinge, and says
no young woman can safely trust her
weight to it.
"Do BATS ever fly in the daytime ?"
asked q teacher of his class in natural
history. eyes, sir" the boys replied.
''What kind of bats % asked the aston
isbed teacher. "Br1ck-bats," yelled the
boys.
"DEAR me- how fluidly he talks y said
Mrs Partington, recently, at temper
ance meeting. t'I am always rejoiced
when ne mounts the nostril, for his
eloquence warns every cartridge in my
body"
AN exchange having advised its read
ers to plant peas Gin the new of the
moon," the Norristown Herald asks:
"But how are they going to do it They
can't reach up. The ground is better
place to plant peas, anyhow" t~I
F.! THE story that Philadelphia sportslnen
were caught firing at New Jersey mosqui-
toes, mistaking them for snipe, is the in
vention of an unscrupulous itemizer. The
Philadelphians knew what the insects
were, but despaired Of killing them in any
other way.
A CoUNTRYMAN went to see his lady
love, and wishing to be conversational,
observed ''The thermometer is twenty
degrees above zelon this evening" Yes"
innocently replied the maiden, "such
kind of birds do fly higher some seasons
of the year than Others"
AN amusing aDecdote is told of King,
the actor, who met friend whose name
he had forgotten. and took him home-to
dinner. After several attempts to find
out his name, King said my friend
and I have had dispute as to how you
spell your name; indeed, we have laid
bottle of wine on it." ooh, with two
p's," was the answer. {#0J()f
AS THE early morning train down this
morning drew up at the first station, q
pleasant-looking gentleman stepped out
ON the platform, and inhaling the fresh
air, enthusiastically observed to the
brakesrnan, 'Isnt this invigorating"
'No, sir; it is Bethel, said the conscien-
tious employe. The pleasant-looking
gentleman retired.-DGn6ury NeacS.
Poor ould Ireland has every prospect
of often goin' hungry to bed this winter
The potato blight, which was at first sup
posed to be trifing in its effects, has de-
veloped itself to an alarming extent. The
vast fields upon which the masses of Ire
land had looked for their principal sup
port show nothing but black and wilted
stalks, as if killed by frost. The univer-
sal blight is attributed to the continued
fogs through the latter part of July.
THE young ladies in Massachusetts
town who sought to play a practical joke
on bachelor physician, by making up
costly "rag" baby, depositing it in a bas-
ket, attaching it to the door handle, and
causing the bell to ring, were gTieved TO
see man from the street come up and
walk off with the entire package. They
are now mourning the loss of twenty-six
wards of fine linen, twelve yards of thread
lace. four hemstitch pocket handkerchiefs,
and some other valuable property.
AN Englishman and German were
travelling together in a diligence, and
both smoking. The German did all in
his power to draw his companion into
but to no purpose; at one
moment he would, with a super-abund-
ance of politeness, apologize for drawing
his attention to the fact that the ashes of
his cigar had fallen on his waistcoat, or a
spark was endangering his neckerchief.
At length the Englishman exclaimed:
''Why can't you leave me alone2 Your
coat-tail has been burning for the last ten
minutes, but didn't bother you about
it,"
THE Rochester Courier says: "a fond
father in Rochester had suspected his
daughter of having stolen moonlight
walks with lover whom he had refused
her seeing, and, in coming home the
other night at late hour, thought ne saw
his daughters arm linked IN with tne
hated lovers. The indignant papa tooK
the young man by the coilar, ana was
giving him a good shaking, when he
found he had got hold of the wrong man,
and soon learned that the parties weresa
highly respectable married couple, who