Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1872-03-23
KEEPING A p0sT-orrIOE.

From the earliest period of recollection
I've had desire to keep post-ofice, or
have the p. o. keep me didn't care a
continental which. For years have toilcd
for the "posish" Of p. NJ, and last week
succeeded. But now write after my
name, er-P. NJ.
i I'll tell you how it came about. Tho
postmaster here resigned, and, with re.
commendation, I succeeded him. It's
nobody's business If did rob the tomb
stones for names for my petition snd !
cant see why the relatives of the dcfunct
chaps won't quit throwing it up to fel-
low.
Well, 1 wrote P. NJ. after my name.
Mrs. Lipmuck embraced me with the ten.
derness Of she bear when rushed into
the room waving my petition over my
head, and my appointment brought sundry
other hugs. was happy man.
Mrs. l.. and sat up till midnight writ.
ing my name with P. NJ. after it. Oh, it
looked grandly. wouldn't have swapped
it for Pres, LII. D., or A. B. The next
day entered upon the discharge of my
duties, and yesterday Uncle Samuel dis
| Cudi SCu 'uO.
Immediately upon his successor (Which
was me) being qualified, the ex-postmaster
left, and was left alone. The mail came,
and distributed it thus wise. My motto
has always been First come FIRST served"
and I acted upon it to the best of my
knowledge. / gave letter to each caller
as long as they lasted, and then 1 COM
menced on the papers.
! Wife said the thing would act like
charm. Under the old regime some peo.
pie never got letter, while now the first
person in the Office, after the distribution
of the mail, would get the biggest, fattest
letter that came.
The idea was original, and I prided my.
self on its invention. The L:pmuck brain
was ever fertile.
The morning following mail day" I
left my house for the post. .Officc-the at
tainmcnt of long cherished ambition. AS
turned a corner I discovered two we'll
known citizens about to test the virtue in
clcnched hands.
"I never wrote letter to your wife"
vociferated one.
"You lie!' yelled the other; "your
letter yesterday was handed to me. My
wife is in Birmingham, aud wrote sweet
letter to you. Lipmuck's noble motto Of
First come first served placed it in my
hands'-and q moment later at it they
went.
I hurried on.
| l had just entered the P. O.; when
woman rushed into the. building.
"You villain ~ she yelled, knocking
my hat to the floor, and burying her eagle
talons in my hair. "You gave my letter
to Mag Fastongue, the biggest old SLAM
derer in town. Aud she's telling every
where that I've been writing to married
man."
Well, I now cant boast Of as much hair
as could week ago.
Scarcely had my prosecutor left when
crowd rushed into the Office. The Meth
odist preacher headed it. / think he
swore as he crossed the threshold.
Villuinw he yelled, "you gave Bird
Lyre one Of my letters, aud he's blowing
everywhere that I've got wife in New
York and one in Maine" 4as
"Kill him kill him." yelled those
behind him.
| I saw dozen fists and clubs nearing
me, and retrcated.
"Hang the scouudrel !" cried the wo.
man, and I feared that the command
would be executed.
1 went through the window and now
Tn in another town.
I'm an exp. NJ. now, and chap whose
motto amt First come, first served"
stands at the goal Of my late ambition.
My brief P. NJ. ship has not been un-
productive of results. That Methodist
Episcopal preacher has left his charge,
and New York woman is hunting bin.
Twenty.six divorces stare our next court
10 the face, and, through my brief official
career, nine men walk on crutches, and
four women have spoiled faces.
| And L? Why, my Uranium is hairless,
and dare not 60 back to Skulltown on
pain of death.
NY ambition is satiated now, and have
discharged that motto: First come, first
served" 1t don't work we'll in post
Office.
l wouldn't be p. NJ. again for oil the
bepzine iu the world.