Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1872-12-29


Testing with Kings, particularly I'M
invited-why, II was as If q swimmer,
however experienced, should venture
within the smooth, but death bearing
current of Niagara, which inevitably
carries all within its power over the Fall.
People have played little teasing jokes
with elephants, and when the jOkers
have forgotten all about the gravely ma
jestic beast, he has put his foot upon the
offender, and crushed the humOr out Of
him forever. 1t has been so with malice
bearing mOnarchs, and with courtiers
who thought they might joke with them.
The incarnation of all such mOnarchs
existed in the person of an African
King named Claka. He was given to
Joking at others, and woe betide them,
il thew did not burst with eestacy at the
Joke; but if a "fellOw of infinite humor'i
happened to cap the royal joke with a
better, Claka broke into hilarity, which
he ended by eXclaiming: "Cut of that
vretcil's head; he has made me laugh"
The Cesars must have been almost as
dread'ully dangerous men to joke with
as Claka. The great Julius, indeed, after
be BECAME great, had no leisure for jest
ing, but was the object of some popular
jokes, which he took with Indifference.
The CHESTS of Augustus were afraid to
.'craclK joke" in his presence. They
would whisper one to a neighbor, and
then turn pale if the Emperor invited
him to "speak up" Theimperial table
was as grand and dull as that Of the
copper Augustus, Louis XIV, and the
Emperor had recourse to merry-An-
drews, just as the grand niOnarque had
to harlequins. But the harlequins of
those days were gentlemen and scholars.
The grim Tiberius, on the other hand,
was remarkably facetious. His delight
was to puzzle his learned guests with
unanswerable questions, such ss, ''What
was the name of the song the Syrens
sang?u and the like. Fancy half dozen
members of the society o. antiquaries
dining with her majesty and being
gravely asked who built the marble
halls the Bohemian girl dreampt she
dwelt in? or what was the Christian
name of the "Minstrel Boy" and at
what period "Auld Lang Syne" had
been young? Nevertheless, TiOerIus
was nicer man TO deal with than Cal
igula, all of whose tests were brutality
cruel, in words, and oftener in deeds.
What a serious Joke was that when,
having nothing on but the linen apron
Of victim-slayer, he raised the mallet,
and instead Of Staying the beast, knock
ed out the brains of the sacrificing
priest! Claudius was too huge a feeder
to have appetite for wit, but he would
have eaten the whole beast that his pre-
deeessOr should have killed. Yet Clau-
dius, half beast himself and a good deal
OF the scholar in him, as Nero had, who
loved science, admired art, was mildly
witty, and Herewith as savage as an in
sane hyena. We must except the Occa-
siOn4 Of his visiting the theater, when
he sat in an upper seat, and found de-
light in fiinging nuts down upon the
bald head Of the praeter below. That Of
fetal was as proud Oft attention as if
every nut had been an especial honor.
Joyless Galba had none of the heroic
fun in him. But though not mirthful
himself Galba could smile when be
heard the popular slang name, in allu-
sion to his flat nose, "Simius." His
successor, Ohio, was just such wit as a
man might be expected to be who
washed his face in asses milk. If witty
men went away from him feeling dull
and heavy, it was the result of their eX-
changing ideas with their imperial mas
ter. He had his wit at second hand, as
Vitellius had, who got his jokes from
stage-player and chaTiOteer. In more
modern times, when Astley's was in its
glory, and the clown of the ring joker
that people went to listen to, that circus
clown got his jokes, not from his own
brains, but from the Westnin ster boys.
Jokes used to be made at Westminster
as they now are at the Stock Exchange,
where fresh patches are served each
morning, like hot rolls. But to return
to the Caesars. Perhaps Vespasian was
greater joker than any of them, but
his Jokes were often broad and scurril-
lous. Titus was rather gracious than
given to testing, though he enjoyed one
sorry Joke, in promising to every suffer
that his request should be granted. They
went away radiant. "Every One," he
said, Fought to depart joyflllly from the
presence of his prince;p and then the
'delight of mankind" thought no more
Of his promise. The chief recreation of
the gloomy Domitan was in playing
dice; but he always won. Every antag-
onist knew what the joke would cost
him if he beat the Emperor. Altogether,
those twelve Csesars were men COM
pounded of the most opposite qualities,
with a small moGilvm of what Is called
wit among the whore of them. Out of
all those who followed, one alone, Ha-
drian, made a standing and sterling
joke-a joke which has descended to us
and added a slang phrase to our vulgar /
tongue. To "scrape acquaintance" |
comes to US from Hadrian. He was at /
the public baths one day, when he saw !
one of the veteran soldiers scraping his /
body with tile. That was such poor /
luxury that Hadrian ordered that his /
old eomrade should be supplied with 4
more suitable cleansing materials, and |
also with money. On subsequent &C.
casion, when the Emperor again went |
to the bath, the spectacle before him |
was highly amusing. A score of old
soldiers who had fought under Hadrian
were standing in the water, and each
was currying himself with a tile and |
wincing at the self-infiicted rubbing. /
The Emperor perfectly understood what
he saw, and what was the purpose of
the sight. Ria! hap he exclaimed,
''yOu had better scrape one another, my
good fellowsW He added, "You GER
tainly shall not scrape acquaintance
18th poaUg