The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1872-05-23
The Deacon,s Experience with Soda Water.

The Deacon's Experience with Soda Water.
We have no hesitancy in stating that among
the able-bodied male adults Of this city the
yery common summer beverage known as soda
water" and which is dealt out so unsparingly
at every corner during the heated term, is con-
sidered, to use their own language, "thin
drink" But while the ingenious mixture of
wind and water is termed 'thin," strong liquors,
such as whiskies, are altogether too "thiek" for
steady warm weather drink; and so the I'M
biber who must moisten his Hues with some
liquid refreshment seeks pleasant combina-
ton of the two classes of drink, which forms
happy combination that exhilarates yet is not
Intoxicating 1t is customary among these
bibulous go-betweens to enter drug store, call
for soda water, name their syrup, at the same
time giving wink to the dispenser of "slush,"
who takes the goblet, in which he places the
syrup, then stoops down beneath the counter
or retires to back room, where, by some myss.
terious chemical change, the contents are col
ored darkly, and the soda is then let in upon
the mixture, which is handed to the customer
with wink from the clerk. So much for the
process; now for the sequel.
Saturday venerable gentleman from the
country, who is respected church deacon,
Justice of the peace, member of the "Band OF
Hope" and Good Templar in his native vii
lage, came to the city to trade little in dry
goods, and purchase such agricultural lmPle-
ments as he needed to plant and cultivate his
spring crops. The deacon is strictly temperate,
and never looks upon the wine when it is red,
any more than he does when 1t Is any other
color. Unfortunately, our old friend had sui
fered from opthalmia in his early days, which
left him with an optical peculiarly, which
caused his left upper eye-lid to drop every few
seconds. and which, to those not familiar with
his infrmity, gave him the appearance of wink
ing Intentionally.
The "Deac" is passionately fond of soda wa.
ter, and such light beverages. He loves to feel
the gaseous compound coursing down his throat,
and creating internal connections and typhoons,
that however endurable by older persons, throw
babes into agony, and require prompt doses of
peppermint; so Saturday, after he had bought
q few shovels, plows, hoes, rakes and threshing
machines, also q Dolly Warden for his wife, he
thought he would fill up with soda water and
drive on towards home. He entered drug
store, inquired the price of the desired refresh
ment, then deposited his scrip and awaited his
mixture.
"What syrup do you want" inquired the
urbane clerk, as he mopped off the marble
counter with the same towel he used mo-
ment before to remove the honest sweat from
his brow.
ooh, give me sassaparilly; that is about as
healthy as anything, guess" (Here the dea,
cons eyelid went back on him and dropped
"AliI right replied the fountain-tender, as
he disappeared below the counter, and came up
moment later with the drinking-glass con-
tanning about three fingers of "sassaprilly," to
| which he added the other ingredients and
handed it to the deacon. The latter drained
the contents to the dregs, then brushed the
froth from his mouth, smacked his lips, and
said, ''That syrup is leetle stronger than they
generally make it, but my blood is out of or
der, and guess I'll take another glass )" at
the same time his eye-lid huttered meaningly
as before.
The dose was repeated, and the soda water
bibber left the store. About half an hour after
he entered another establishment where sign
announced 'tSsoda and Mineral Waters on
Draught." It was noticed the Deacon walked
as if he had the string halt as he entered the
door. and his spectacles were upside down on
his nose He called for Congress Water" at
this place, saying he "did not feel quite right,
and was afraid he had used too much syrup in
his soda water at the other store, or else he was
bilious" His optical weakness exhibited itself
as he spoke, and returning the wink, the clerk
retired to dark closet, then returning, filled
up glass with plain Congress" and gave it to
our now "tightually slight" friend, who swal-
lowed it without murmur.
How many "sodas" the Deacon stored away
before he left the city we are unable to say, but
he was found late in the day asleep in his wag-
on, with plow point for pillow, and several
yards of Dolly Warden calico gracefully draapedi
about his person as covering. He revived
sufficiently to inform stranger that he had
been "drugged," and subsequent visit to the
localities where he had taken soda water, de-
veloped the fact that his unfortunate habit of
winking-a defect over which he had no con-
trol-was the cause of all his trouble. The
soda water dispensers supposed him to be Zone
of the boys" and, every time his eye-lid drop
ped, took the hint The Deacon escaped the
'jim- -jams," but says hereafter he will wear a
binder over that eye when he purchases sum-
mer drinks, or else write his order on slate
Cleveland Leader.