The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1872-03-31
MernIng Star and Catholic Messenger.
HTw ORLEANS. SUNDAY. MARCH 81. 1871
WIT AND wIDDON.

The most disagreeable of all short stops
Railway collisions.
Wild oats are said to be the only crop
that grows by gas light.
When is q literary man like a vegetable
When he 10 q commentator.
Never have a wooden leg made of oak,
because oak is apt to produce acorn.
Why is Melpomene street like slate !
Because you can mark-it on either side.
The end of one of G.. F. Trains orations
is said to be like an eating. house, because
it's q rest to-rant.
A sickly river" The Ohio" say cor.
respondent, "is sickly stream" Yes.
replies an American paper, cit is confined
to its bed"
What air does a young mouse sing to the
old mouse when biting his way through
the scenery at tue opera "Hear me gnaw,
ma" lNorma.)
A person who is great Sabbatarian and
who enjoys an airing along the seashore,
saws he loves too see the sea calm on Sun
day, he SO dislikes Sabbath breakers.
A gentleman at a musical party asked q
friend, in o whisper, How shall stir the
"Between the bars" replied the friend.
A cross old bachelor says +" The reason
why women do not cut themselves in two
by tight lacing is because they lace round
the heart, and that is SO hard they cannot
effect it,"
Thackeray being told that an old friend
of his, who was notorious for his love of
beer, had sailed for India, replied He
was q good fellow. Take him for half and
half, we shall never look upon his like
again !"
A Sabbath school superintendent asked
his scholars if any of them could quote
passage of Scripture which forbade mans
having two wives; whereupon nearly the
whole school cried out, " no man can serve
two masters"
A certain cockney, overcome by his
sensibilities, tainted at the grave Of his
fourth spouse. "What shall we do with
him !" asked a perplexed friend Of his.
"Let him alone" said waggish bystander,
"he'll soon revive"
A quaint old gentleman, of an active,
stirring disposition, had a man at work in
his garden who was quite the reverse.
"Jones," said he, did you ever see
snailf" Certainly replied Jones.
"Then," said the old boy. "you must
take him."
On certain railway the folio wing intel
ligible notice appears: Hereafter, when
trains moving in opposite directions are
approaching each other on separate lines,
conductors and engineers will be required
halt before the point of meeting, and be
very careful not to proceed till each train
has passed the other.
The poet Longfellow on one occasion was
~ u dinuer pe-sy at Which Nicholas Long
worth was also present. Some one re-
and that of Mr.. Longworth started out
alike, but made very dissimilar ending.
eyes," replied the poet: "aud it affords
only another proof, l am afraid, that worth
makes the man, and want of it the fellow"
Unfortunate at Compliments.-It is re-
lated of Partisan portrait painter that,
having recently painted the portrait of a
lady, q critic, who had just dropped in to
claimed, at is very nicely painted but
why did you take such an ugly model ."
1t is my mother" calmly replied the ar
fist. Oh, pardon, a thousand times !"
cried tho critic, in the greatest confusion
lyon are right ought to have perceived
it. She resembles you completely"
Integrity is a virtue that costs much.
In the period of passion it takes self denial
to keep down the appetites of the flesh in
the time of ambition, with US far more
dangerous, it requires very much earnest
ness of character to keep covetousness
within it's proper bounds, not to be swerved
BY love of the praise of men or official
power over them. But what magnificent
NoSo
man Any pleasure which costs conscience
a pang is really pain and not pleasure.
All gain which robs you of integrity is
gain which profits not it is loss. Honor
is l1famy if won by the sale of your owr
soul. But what womanly and manly de-
light does this costly virtue bring into our
consciousness here and elsewhere!
Some idea of the Pathology of the legal
formula may be gathered from the follow
ing specimen, wherein, if a man wishes to
give another an orange: instead of saying,
give you that orange" he must set
forth his "act and deed" thus: 81 give
you all and singular, my estate and inter
est, right, title and claim, and advantage
OF and in that orange, with all it's rind,
iskin, juice, pulp and pips, and all right
and advantages therein, with full power
10 bite, cut, suck, or otherwise eat the same
orange, or to give the same away, with or
without it's rind, skin, juice, pnlb or pips,
any thing heretofore or hereinafter, or in
any other deed or deeds, instrument or in
struments of what kind or nature soever,
6ng."