Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-06-14
HunOr.

Unseen happiness-A kiss 10 the dark.
Epitaphs-complmentary lies done in
marble.
A pleasant kind of misunderstanding
q widows weeds
A thing sometimes drought to pass
A counterfeit note.
Woman first tempted man to eat; but he
took to drink himself.
The Rings Motto-"God helps them
who help themselves"
A student defines Irritation to be eaten
ton without intention"
A farmer gathers what he sows; while
seamstress sews what she gathers.
Out West they call bride ''pecuniary
compliment" and say no more about it.
A ship may be said to resemble scarf
min when it is on the "breast of heavy
swell"
Smiggles says, and We believe him, that
his idea Of a grain elevator is realized in
rye whiskey.
'sGood morning, squire. Got anything
new?" "Yes, I've got the neuralgia, and
it hurts terribly"
"Loss Of "a China packet-ship!" exclaimed
an old lady. No wonder, when iron ones
aren't always safe p
Josh Billings says: 1.-The best way |
kno Nv to repent Nv emmy thing IL to do
better the next time"
Some malicious person has said that the
letters M. D., attached to a physicians
name, mean money down.
A Western editor, in writing the obituary
Of a respectable citizen, says that she has
gone to that undiscovered burn
A girl with an income Of thousand
year or more is always an object of interest,
because she has SO much principal.
"Will these goods wash 2" asked lady
of a dry goods clerk. "No," no replied the
waggish sales, "you will have to wash
them"
I'm go thirsty, said boy at work in the
cornfeld. Well work away, said his father,
you know the prophet says, Hoe every one
that thirsteth.
Complimentary comparison. Mrs. Cub
bins Gays her husband is exactly like tai
low candle, because he will always smoke
when he is going out.
What nose is moro brilliant than e. topers
nose? Why, the volcanoes, to be sure
Pat remarks that the chief glow of each
comes from the crater.
There are two ways of going through the
world One is make the best of it, and the
other is to make the worst of it. Those
who take the latter course work hard for
very poor pay.
"Why, Jenny, how do you do % II am
very well, Cora, celebrated my wooden
wedding last week." why, didn't know
you were married. How did you celebrate
it." "By marrying blockhead.
AN inveterate bachelor being asked by
sentimental young Miss why he did not Sc
cure some fond ones company in his voyage
on the ocean of life, be replied, 81 would,
if were sure such an ocean would be pa.
cifc."
A little girl, who had great kindness of
heart for all the animal creation, saw hen
preparing to gather her chickens under her
sheltering wings, and shouted, earnestly !:
"Oh, don't sit down on those chickens, you
great ugly rooster!''
'How is it, my dear, that you have new
er kindled fame in the bosom of m an p
said an old lady to her pretty niece, who
was portionless. 1.-The reason, DEAR re-
piled the young lady, sis, as you we'll know,
that am not good match
A man, stopping his paper, wrote to the
editor II think folks ottent to spend their
mummy for paypors, my dadda diddant, and
everybody said he was the intelligents man
in the country, and had the smartest family
Of boiz that ever plugged tsters.
A youthful novice in smoking turned
deadly pale and threw his cigar away. "Oh
DEAR" he said, "there's something in that
cigar that's making me sick" Il know
what it u.s." said his companion, pulling
away. "WhatY' ssTobacker."
A Boston lawyer had horse that al
ways stopped and refused to cross certain
bridge leading out of the city No whip
ping, no urging, would get him to CROSS, SO
he advertised him: "To be sold for no other
reason than that the owner wanted to get
out of town.
A shrewd little fellow was entrusted to
the care Of his uncle, who fed the boy very
poorly. One day he happened to see a
gray hound, whereupon he asked the little
fellow if he knew what made the dog so
poor. The reply was Il expect be lives
with his Uncle"
Rather corpulent old lady-"I would
like to get ticket for the train" Book
ing clerk (who thinks he will make joke)
-"Yes'm; will you 60 in the passenger
train or in the cattle train ?" Lady
'Well, if you are specimen Of what [
shall experience in the passenger train, give
me ticket by tbs csttis. train by all!means.'
A lawyer, upon circuit in Ireland. who
was pleading the cause of an infant plain
tiff, took the child up in his arms, and pre-
sented it to the jury suffused with tears
This had great effect, until the opposite
lawyer asked the child, "What makes you
cry ~ "He pinched me-" answered the
little innocent. The court was convulsed
with laughter.
A DUTcHMAN's TEMPERANCE LECTURE
81 shall tell you how it vas drunk mine
lager; den put mine hand on mine head,
and dere vas one pain. Den I put mine
hand on my body, and dere vas anodor
pain. Den l puts my hand on my pocket,
and dere vas noting. So I jine mid de
temperance. Now dere is no pain in my
head, and pain in my body vas all gone