The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1872-05-16
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

A CLERICAL JoKER.--The late Elerd
John Smith, of Kentucky, who died re-
Gently ut an advanced age, was one of the
most eccentric wits south of the Ohio
River. Hewas familiary known through
out Kentucky rs "Raccosn Smith"
While still in the Baptist ministry, and
attending one of the annual meetings of
that body, tall, lark, green specimen
of humanity presented himself before the
Association as a candidate for the minis
try. He was not regarded as being of
entirely sound mind, and labored under
the hallucination that he was especially
"called to preach" and kept constantly |
importuning the Association to grant |
him the necessary license. In addition |
to his particularly unbalanced mind,
young Meeks was the possessor of as
huge and ungainly pair of feet as ever
trod shoe-leather. Tired of his impor-
tunities, and not being disposed to grant |
the license, the Association handed him
over to Smith, with instructions to make
an end of the case, and between them
took place the following conversation
Smith-So, Brother Meeks, you think
you have special call to preach?
Meeks-Yes, the Lord has called me to
the work, but the Association refuses me
the license.
Smith-How do you know you are
called?
Meel,s-Know it l feel it in my heart
of hearts. want my license
Smith-Do you believe the Bible,
Brother Meeks?
Meel,s-Certainly l do--every word
of it,
Smith-If 1 can prove by the Bible
that you are not called to preach, will
you be satisfied to drop the matter, and
not further importune the Association for
a license?
Brother Meeks assented to this, and
Raccoon Smith deliberately opened the
New Testament at Roman X, 10, and in
a grave tone read: "How beautiful are
the feet of them that preach the gospel
of peace" &c. Then, glancing at Meekss
large feet, he remarked: You see, Broth
er Meeks, that the feet of the preacher
are beautiful. You, sir, have the most
monstrously ugly feet of any man in the
State of Kentucky; therefore, by this
Bible, it is clear that you have not been
especially called"
AS Smith finished his remarks, the en-
tire Association went off into paroxysm
of laughter; and Meeks, really conclud-
ing that he had not been "called," bolted
from the meeting house, and never after
onnoyed the Association for license.
. A GooD JOKE ON A BANK PRESIDENT.
There is banker in Philadelphia by
the side of whose handwriting even the
penmanship of Horace Greeley seems
symmetrical and beautiful. Well, this
banker was persecuted by life insur-
ance agent who wanted him to take out
policy. The victim stood it for o
while, but finally one day be kicked the
agent out of his office. Then the tor
mentor began to send notes to the un-
, happy wretch, explaining the endow-
! ment system, and asking if any one of
his aunts ever suffered from torpidity of
= the liver. At last the banker wrote to
! the heartless fiend as follows: "You
!. diabolical scoundrel, if you send another
line to me I will come round to your
. office and blow out what little brains
you havew When the life insurance
, man received this, he turned it up and
down, and held it sideways, and stood
. before mirror with it, and examined it
. with MICROSCOPE, and called in six OF
. seven experts; but after all he couldn't
~ determine, with any degree of certainty
what he meant. TO ascertain, he pre-.
y sented it at the paying teller's desk in
. the bank, and that worthy, without g
moments hesitation, paid $4,000 on it
believing it to be u check for that
amount. There is one agent less in that
i city than there was week or two ago
n and one more banker who betray'
!, symptoms of insanity when the subject
d of life insurance is mentioned in hi
: presence.
q HE REMEMBERED THEM.--The Wa
/ terbury american tells the following
= story &" A gentleman visiting here from
9 the West went to visit an old schoolmat
9 who lived here. After a conversation
n about old times, the subject of the board
O ing-house where they used to live wa
E brought up. Mr.. A. asked Mr. B., tn
4 visitor, if he remembered the two girls
e daughters of the couple who kept tn
: clearinghouse. Remember themn ex
q CLAIMED Mr. !; ; you're right, l do. Reg
ular old maids, too; wonder if theyv
q got their false teeth yet. Don't believ
n they have if they had to pay for 'em
p Ha! ha ha! They were precious pail
r weren't they, Jack ? During this tim
). AS face grew long, turned red, and al
h the colors of the rainbow, and he finall,
: shouted out There, you've gone ia
" enough, Mr.. B.; one Of those girls IS M
. eoJeP With that A. shot off like rocket
: and B., after recovering himself, went il
It and took something, and immediatel
- started for the city"