Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1872-02-08

from which the spark has fed s.
Carpets are usually bought by the
yard and worn by the foot.
1t is no uncommon thing for hot
words to produce GOODNESS.
\ Why is the figure nine like peacock ?
Because it is nothing without its tail
How long ought lady's crinoline to
be? Not too much above two feet.
Many young men are so improyident
that they cannot keep anything but late
hours. --.--,~~~
What sort of larceny must it be to
hook .womans dress It must be
grand.
When does rain become too familiar
to lady? When it begins to patter on
the back
When are our soldiers like writers for
the press When they charge by the
column.
Some persons only call man their
friend as an excuse for taking liberties
with him
To what color does a Jogging change
a boys complexion. Itmakes him yell-O.
The latest Coloradian euphemism for
| baldheadedness-You head is getting
| above timber line.
The only mention of paper money in
the Bible is where it says a dove brought
the green back to Noah
To find out how you look when you
are asleep, standbefore glass with your
eyes shut.
To keep warm of a cold day, women
double the cape. and men double the
| horn.
Quilp being asked at the end of a very
stupid speech why he applauded, replied
because he is done.
Boston born people are rmostly Unita-
rians, because people who are born in
Boston do not need to be born again.
People talk of improvement in stock,
still most of us would prefer Aarons
yellow calf to any modern breed.
Twice ruined. II never was ruined
but twice. said a wit, "once when |
lost lawsuit, and once when I gained
one"
"Dey say de constitution had pervision
for de cullard folks, but fore God, massa,
| hab not seen the fust mOu'fu'."
1t is an established fact that a person
who is guilty of squirting tobacco juice
in the house of worship don't expect-to-
rate as gentlemen.
Il don't think Mr. Dosim takes his
physic regular, said doctors boy to his
employer. why so?" Hes getting
well to fast
A lady who had repeatedly called her
little boy to come in and say his prayers
was shocked by his asking her if God
was in much of hurry
We are all blandly liberal until some
body treads upon our own theological
cOrns, and then we at once discover that
the offender isn't much of man and a
brother after all.
What should you be, dearest" said
Walter to his sweet heart IF | was to
press the seal of love upon those sealing
wax lips ?" Il should be stationary"
How much corn may a gentleman eat2
whispered p,
While the cobs on his plate lay in tiers,
AS to that" answered @, MS he glanced at
twill depend upon the length of his
ears"
A sailor boy sentenced to be tlogged,
begged the captain to wait till he could
say his prayers. Certainly said the
captain. Then I'll say them on shore,
said young tarpaulin,
Judge Bacon once trying It man, Hog by
Who made with his lordship OF kindred
Hold" said the judge, you're little
Hog must be hung first before It's good
Bacon"
4 polite philosopher once thanked a
lady who had been singing to a party
for an hour, by the remark, Madam,
you have wasted our time most charm
ingly.'
Sir, | admit your general rule,
That every poet is a fool;
But you yourself may serve 10 show it,
That every fool i not pOet.--Pope.
y countryman, hearing passing
huckster shout, "Oysters, OYSTERS
demanded, whats that "Oystcrs,
said his companion, smiling, Gosh do
oysters holer as loud as that -
A friend who did the Coloradian
mountains last fall has informed us that
he got as ravcnOus as a raven among the
raYincs, and sat down in one of the
gorgeous gOrges and gorged himself.
Mamma" said little girl, whats
the meaning of book being printed in
t2m0 :" Why. my dear replied the
mother it means that the book will be-
published in twelve months. Fact.
I've lost my portmanteau,"
i pity your grief"
1T contained all my sermons.
Il pity the thief"
What are the points Of difference be-
tween the Prince of Wales, an orphan,
bald head and d gorilla The prince is
heir apparent, an orphan has meier pa
rent, bald head has no hair apparent,
and gorilla has hairy parent.
In ChiCkasaw county, Miss. Mr.
Lorenzo Day married Miss Martha Week,
upon which a local poet comments a.
follows:
\ lay is made, 1t week il lost,
But time should not complain,
There1l soon be little days enough
To make the week again.