Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1872-07-25
Cousin, sally billiard.
By HAMILTON c. JONES.


[Cousin Sally billiard lisa story that
must not die, and as it has been sone
time since the public have been called
upon to laugh over its exquisite ridicul-
business, we will give it a start again
Scene-A court of justice in South Car
olina.
A beardless disciple of themis rises and
thus addresses the court: May it please
your worship and you gentlemen OF the
jury, since it has been my fortune (good
or bad I will not say to exercise myself
in legal disquisition, it has never befailen
me to be obliged to prosecute SO direfully
marked an assault. A more wilful, yio-
lent and dangerous battery, and inallya
more diabolical breach of peace, has sell
dom happened in a civilized country, and
/ dare say it seldom has been your duty
to pass upon one so shocking to beuey-
client feelings, as this which took place
over at Captain Rice's in this county /; but
you will hear from the Witnesses"
The witnesses being sworn, two or three
were examined and deposed One said
that he beard the noise but did not see
the fight another that he was very drunk
and couldn't say much about the skirm-
mage.
g Lawyer Ghops-I am sorry, gentlemen
to. have occupied your time with the stu
pidity of the witnesses examined. 1t
arises, gentlemen, altogether from a mis-
apr rehension on my part. Had L known
as I now do, that 1 had a witness who
was acquainted with all the circumstance
of the case, and who was able to make
himself clearly understood to the court
and jury, I should not have trespassed SO
long on your patience. Come forward
Mr.. Harris, and be sworn.
So forward comes the witness a fat,
+ cbufy old man. a "leetle" corned, aud
took his oath with an air.
c. Chops-Harris, we wish you to tell
about the riot that happened the other
, day at Captain Rice's and as a good deal
|. of time has already been wasted in cir
c~umloeution, we wish you to be c%ompendu-
: ous. at the same time as explicit as posi-
BE.
- Enthusiastically (giving the lawyer a
knowing wink, at the same clearing bis
throat). Captain Rice, he gin a treat,
and cousin Sally billiard she comes over
to our house and axed me if my wife she
emoatn't go? 1 told cousin Sally billiard
my wife was poorly, being as how she
had a touch of rheumatics in the hip, and
and the big swamp was up in the road.
there having been a great deal of ram
lately, but howsoever, as it was she, cousin
Sally billiard, my wife she mout go.
Well, cousin Sally billiard then axed me
if Nose he modtn't gor / told cousin
Sally billiard that he was the foreman of
the crap, and the crap was smarsiy In the
grass, but howsoever, as it was she, cousin.
Sally billiard, Nose he mout go.
o Chops in the namo of common sense,
Mr.. Harris what do you mean by this
s
, LWitness-Captain Rice. he gin a treat
and cousin Sally billiard, she came over
to my house and asked me if my wife she
mount go? and L told cousin Sally
q Chops-Stop, sir, if you please; We
don't wantto hear about your Sally Dill
ard or your wife tellus about the fight at
lRiee's.o0 &21 ri 7l-tose
q witness-Well, I will sir. if you will
lctme.
Chops-well. sir, go on.
@sWitness-Well, sir, Captain Rice, he
gin a treat and cousin Sally billiard. she
came over to my house and asked me if
my wife she moutn't 60.
I 3 Chops-Here it is again. Witness
please to stop.
Well, sir, what-do you want?
Chaps-We want to know about the
eight, and you must not proceed in this
impairment story.-Do you know any.
thing about the matter before the Court +?
|" ,Witness-To be sure l do.
Chops-Well, 60 on then, and tell it
and nothing else.
witnessVwel, Captain Rice. be gin
ChopsLTbis is intolerable. May it
please the Court, I move that the witness
! be committed for q contempt. He seems
TO be trifing with the Court.
- Gourt-Witness, you are before the
Court of justice. and unless you be-
!, have yourself in a more becoming mamie,
you will be sent to Jail SO begin and tell
me what you know about the fight al
Dbl