Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1872-01-06


" If old Green don't chaw bis words II! bust
his gizzard.,
The farmers met ut Simminses store. Aftes
trying on the garment about stselin wood, it
was hard to decide who the coat ct the best
bu, each one made up his miua 70 pay eG an
old grudge and pitch into tie Lait Gus,ise.
All the CID maids met together in the
village miliner shop, where the Sore
eye-siss society hold meetins once a week, and
their false teeth treublcd like rsttIesnakss
tail, when they read my article about old
mades.
1t was fually resolved by this ansAieai lot
Of caiker, to ''str up old Green. flf
Headed by Sary Youmans, the crosses old
made in the L. S. and all armed with broom
sticks and darnin-needles, the door Of my edi-
tOrial ofis was busted open, and the whole
caboodle Of wimen, hmisl.in for ny top hair,
entered. 1sla
They foamed at the mouth like pack of
Orpheus-C Kerrs, as they brandishcd their
wepins over my bald head
esquire Green, sed maskaline lookin' sps-
cimen of time worn caiker, holdin' copy OF
the Fish Horn in her bony fingers, did you
rite that ere?'
"Wall,' said !, felin' somewhat rilcd at that
sassy crowd, 's'poscn did or didn't Ths: on
il?
1--WE are goin to visit the wrath ef down
trodden rsse upon your iron,ispce, that's what
we is dye hear Piigarlic,' said the exaspirated
10th Amtndmenier, as she brought down her
giugham umbraela over my shoulder.
A. this they all rushed for me. With paste
brush aud shares kept thOm of, until some
body pushed me over a woman who had got
trpped up when the army of infuriatcd ANA
zons piled onto my aged FORM
This round didn't last morcn two minutes,
for as soou they got me down, they all stuck
their confounded needles into me, aud then lolt
me looking, mora Ike porkupine than a hu-
man bein.
hadn't more'u had time to pull ont few
quarts Of needles, before 10 walkstwo big strap
in farmers.
Old man. we've come for you,' said one Of
EN-. "We'il larn you TO slsnder honest folks.
At this he let ly his rite butte at my cote
skirts.
was homo sick you can es: bet. Then
t'othsr chap LET me have II.
"Down stairs with him, sed they both, aud
down went, pooty lively for an old man.
Just as got 70 the bottom liz on mars
head. 1t was Deekin Perkins commin' 10
"bust y gizzard."
" Heylngs and airtb sod the Deckin, as he
tumbled over in the entrywav. jumped be-
hind door emejutly and ss the farmers pro-
ceeded to polish Of the Deskin. was willing
to forgive both Of EN- as the Deekin sroaned
and yelled 800
Yes, stree |! it was Suthin fun for NE 10 SEQ
them farmers welt the Dcekn
Steelin' up stairs agin was brushil' offmy
clothes, when in walked Ebenszer.
"Sawtel,' said he, ceasin ne by the cote
collar aud shakin' me " I'll larn you to rite
about steein' sugar take that-and that az
which be let fly his butte, aud down stairs |
went asain-Eben urgin' me on with his butte.
Suffice to say, the whole village called on me
that day, and was kicked down stairs thirty
two times, by the watch Hosswhipt by seven
teen wimmen, besides bein stuck iullof need
les by lot more tflf
got so used to bein kicked down staiIs that
every time man come in tie door ! would
place my back toward him and sing out:
Kick away, my (rield, I'm in Il 0 editori-
Al biziness tO-dsy-to-morrow | 20 hents--
there rather too much excitement runhin
noosopaper, and shall resine this eycnin.'
When got homs that mite. looked ike an
angel carrin' palm-leaf fan in his hand and
clothed in purple aud fue linen. Ny body
was puTpler than huckerberry pie, and my
linen was torn into pieces fner than postage
stamp.
"Sarycl you rite you old fool said Mrs
Green, as she stood rubin cainfre onto me,
"n ritin" noosepaper articles-cditors orter
nano their man. A shoe which haint built
for anybody in particular. will get onto every
body in generals foot When j, does, the bill
der had better get ready for numerous bootin's
from that sclf-samc shoe
Between you and |, Puhohnelio, Marian is
rite. Toc-fily ewers.
HIRAM GREEN, Esq.