The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1872-06-14
A Husband Who Couldn't Appreciate
the Dolly Yardens.

If husbands are to be mistaken in
dolly Warden" dresses, as was an I'M
fortunate husband in Philadelphia, the
sooner the fashion is squelched the bet
ter will it be for the peace of society.
The husband in question one night
missed from the supper table his wife
Matilda, and inquired of his little boy
whittier had she gone, and just at that
moment the dining-rOOm door opened
and lady entered. The husband OBJ
served wild look i'm the eye, and also
noticed that she was attired in an out
landish style, having OH, as he says, a
dIess with sunflowers, and cabbages,
and pumpkins worked all over it, and
a lot of snakes squirming round for
background
Rising, the man said: "Madam,
whom do YOU wish to see?" and then
said aside, sPoor thing, she's crazy"
That last remark settled the business
for him, as the weird female made 4
bolt and tightly grasped his Adam S
apple, and choked him until his face
assumed the color of banner of the
Commune. After she had enjoyed a
surfeit of choking her husband she
Topped into chair, and with tears
coursing each other down her cheeks,
exclaimed: THAT should ever live to
hear my husband says that Twas CT azy3'
This amused the husband, and elevat-
ing himself to his full proportions, he
said:
"You can't blame me, madam, for
supposing you an insane woman, and
now that L know you are really the
mother of these interesting children,
will you have the kindness to retire to
the sanctity of your chamber and peal
yourself of that piece of furniture chintz
or window curtain or whatever 1t Is
| you call t?"
'eWindow curtain chintz J" said the
spouse; "Why, it's you that's cut OF
your head. That's Dolly Warden,
and very pretty pattern, too"
Madam" replied the husband, eve
may be out of our head, but if that is a
Dolly Warden, we are most decidedly
out of pocket. Why, it looks like a
circus dress; and the idea of a woman
at your time of life"
my time of life!"
"9es. your time of life. The next
thing, suppose, you will be praclicing
| the trapeZe act in the back yard. Why,
it is enough to give a man the delirium
tremens 10 look at it. Who ever saw
such a pattern? It's flash wall paper
run mad. You look exactly like some
japanese tea-sign. And now just
bounce out here with that Fejee battle
flag, or you'll scare the baby TO death. "
There was an ominous pause for q
moment, and then the eldest daughter
said:
"Why, you ought to be ashamed OF
yourself, father. It's all the style, and
[ am going to have one, too; there
now" Eyes, and want one; all the
girls have got them" Thus spoke
Maria, the second eldest. "Any more?''
gasped the husband; "are there any
more? Hadn't the baby better have
one? | guess I'll get one myself. How
do they make up for pantaloons? Ha!
ha! ha! Economically. Let me have
a Dolly Warden. Let me clutch it.
Bring me a pattern OF monkeys scaling
lamp-posts. How would Chinese
puzzle look, or map of Paramount
Park?" All the rest is blank. The
unhappy husband had just been iber.
ated from an asylum, and pronounced
cured. But the only way they man
aged it was to dress him up in a Dolly
Warden, marked out with the ground
plan of the streets of Boston.