The Portland daily press., 1872-01-19
Sips Of "Punch."
A YOUNG PosITIvIsT,
'arson-What is a Miracle?

- NS~'N Il OSAAANAc1s
Parson-What is a Miracle?
Boy-Dnnno.
Parson-Wel, if the sun was to shine in
it was?
Boy-The moon.
Parsan-But if you were told it was the
sun, what should you say it was?
Boy-A lie
Parson-I don't tell lies. Suppose told
you it was the sun; what would you say then ?
Boy-That yer wasn't sober!
MUSIC AT HOME.
The Hostess-Dear Miss Linnet! would
you-acoutd you sing one of those charming
ballads, while go and see if supper's ready
The Comparatively, don't ask mel feel
nervous. There are so many people
The Hostess-O, they won't listen, bless
you not one of them! Nou do!
A MURDERER ON ORAToRY,-While still
very young man, on account of his uncom
mon ability and legal requirements, Richard
Coleman was made judge of one of the east
ern circuits of Virginia in the year 1s-.
Having hitherto led the life of student and
scholar, he had no extended reputation ex-
cept among his brethren, and as connected
politics. Shortly after he went upon the
bench most cold-blooded and cruel murder
was perpetrated in his district by very noto-
rlously bad man. The murderer was appre-
hended, tried and convicted of murder in the
first degree. Judge Coleman proceeded to
pronounce the sentence, the first he had ever
had to, which he had prepared with great
care, and, as he himself said, the best of
which he was capable, and which he had af-
terward in similar sentences been Obliged to
make the basis of them all.
SUCH was the solemnity of the occasion and
the fervid eloquence of the Judge, that all
who listened to the sentence passed were
moved to tears-all except the prisoner at the
bar, who was observed to be looking at the
ceiling, and to pay no attention whatever, ap-
pearing wholly Indifferent to what was going
on. After he had been remanded to jail, one
OF the Junior members of the bar having his
curiosity excited, and Judge Coleman also
wishing to know what effect his eloquence
had had upon the criminal, went into the cell
where the prisoner was and inquired of him
how he felt when Judge Coleman was pass
ing sentence on him. "What T' said the GRIM
NAL, what do you mean?' 81 mean when
the Judge was telling you to prepare for the
awful doom that awaited YOU" FsYou mean
never paid no 'tention to Dick Coleman: he
amt no public speaker nohow.''
well, Lauchie, how are youP'' ''Man,
I'm wouderfW weel, considerin'." ''Consid-
erin'-what?" 81 did last NIGHT what Pye
no dune this thirty year. / gaed to bed pair
futly sober, and Pm thankful to say got up
this mornin' no bit the waur."
Scene, Freshmen recitation room-Profess-
or-''What instrument would you use in the
construction of this geometrical figure P''
Freshman-(after looking thoughtfully at the
moor, ceiling, and professor)-"A piece of
chalk, sir"
A farmer saw an advertised recipe to pre-
vent wells and cisterns from freezing. He
sent MS money and received the answer,
Take in your well or cistern on cold nights
and keep it by the fire.
In French court, recently, as a witness
was about to give his testimony, the advocate
remarked: Il wish to remark to the court
that this witness is entitled to entire conf
dence, as he has not had time to consult his
lawyer''