Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1872-01-25
our Il IPPETIZER.

In order to be q ripe scholar,
must man get mellow?
How to prevent your wife scol |.
ing You, Don't marry.
When it boat like pile Of
snow. When its a.dr,ft.
When Boss Tweed disappeared,
no was a non est man,
when docs a man impose upon
himself; ; When he taxes his memory,
A saloon in Watcrtown, n. Y,
has conspicuously posted "ytaIs cook
ed here"
"A widowcr was recently r iectcd
| by damSel who didn't waut allac-
tons that had been warmed over"
"A man who has Travelled through
New Jersey says that he saw somn
land there so poor that you couldn't
raise n disturbance in it.
A Western editor SAYS: One
night last Junc:ow Office confasratcd
and went where the wood0ine twin
eth.
-- Every cat in Paris is to be tax.
ed three francs year From which
II may be surmised that there will be
fewer cats in the houses aud moro
rabbits in the restaurants.
/
A bachelor editor who had
pretty unmarried sister lately wrote
to another similarly circumstauccd,
Please exchange"
--Gartors with monogram clasps
are now worn by pretty girls. They
arc rather novelty yet, bat we hope
to see more Of them.
"A Columbia Springs man adyer-
tiscs Good Cheap Dancing The
First Grand 80 cent Hop OF tho sea
sou" etc,sand adds, Good Stabling
Free"
An entcrprising drm in ph,ladel-
pha has shipped a large invoice of
school states to Japan, which will prob
ably lead to the introduction Of Man
sard roofs there,
q loving wife in Danbury, Coun.,
Oh tho doceaSo Of her husband sent the
following thrilling telegram to a dis
tant friend "Dcar John is dead.
Loss fully covered by insurance.
The following notice is stuck up
on a bridge at Denver, in Colorado:
ono vehicle drawn by more than one
ani'ttal Is allowed to eros. dis bridge
in opposite directions at THE same
time y
An exchange tolls that at Given
~ years Of age Leland Stanford ar
rived at California with only one shirt
to his back. Since then, by close at
tention to business. he has acUumulat-
ed orcr ten nillionS."
This Is The way a Troy reporter
congratulated II friend on his mar.
riage
" Ono more unfortunate,
Wea,go liic
Nlshly importunate,
Taken a Wife,
"A naughty little boy, being told
by his mother that God would not for.
give him, if be did something, answer
ed, Yes he would, too--dod likes to
forgive little boys--thal's what lie j,
for. "
-"1hat felloS's got in t5e wrong
grave" said one gentleman to another
IN a cemetery "IIoN SOP" "Because
| know him to be a f5rger and a thief
aud yet look upon that opitaph." " "Bc
careful" said the other "how you
speak, for none Of US can live up 10 our
epitaphs."
Lucy Anes, fragile damsel Of
Washington Territory, is seventeen
years old, only weighs four hundred
pounds,ana measures sixty.tour inches
around tic shoulders.
The Chicago Host advises its fel.
low sufferers as follows; "If you can
not wheel bricks, and to beg at tie
Relief Headquarters you are ashamed,
steal n lot Of chimney orninents, put
them in the atoye, bake 70 brown,
and sell as relics lfibat won't do,
get up a lecture"
az find Dick, that yon arc h the
habit Of takinl my jokes and passing
them off as your owu. DO you cal
that gentlemanIy couductI' 70 be
sure ! do, Tom. a true gentleman
viii always take joke froin tricad."
a lady having accidentally broken
her smelling bottle, her hnsband, who
was very pctuiaat, sEid TO her u do
declare, uiy dear, everything YOU haye
is more or less broken "True' re-
Piled tie lady, "for even you are a
little crackgd'
"A new source Of profit In coal oil
~eIineries is the manufacture Of
tspruce gum" This is obtained from
the vary last boiling down of the re.
flncrs' stills, aud in & crude state pos.
sesscs al tic fragrance Of soap grease.
"A clergymaG @as lately depict
ing before deeply interested ardi
puce the ALARMING increase Of irtpiu-