The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1872-09-24
Our Cousin Jane.

[From the Atlanta Weekly.l
This morning when we entered our ONCE
the sub-edtor informed us that lady was
waiting to see us: We settled our necktie,
and entered with composure into our sane
tum. There sat our cousin Jane. we cher
ish lively rccollections of cousin Jane. She
was about fifteen years older thanwe, in fact,
we ,uppose she is now; and when we were
yery small child, our mother went on long
Journey and left Cousin Jane to keep house.
She was an admirable young person, but had
her peculiarities. She always used to wash
our face upward, to the detriment of OR
nose, which might have been Grecian under
more favorable auspices. She always got
soap in our eyes. She scolded us when we
tore our clothes and we never can forget our
grief when she mended our little pink frock with
piece of red flannel Cousin Jane didn't
make molasses gingerbread like mothers and
the stories she told us always had morals. In
the course of time she married, and we went
to the wedding in our first jacket, bright with
brass buttons. But we must refrain from these
touching "reminiscences. As we welcomed
Cousin Jane to our sanctum we became aware
of the presence of small boy of three or
four summers, whe had already tattooed him
self artisticay with ink, stuck a postage
stamp on his right ear and tipped the paste pot
over on his frock. Consin Jane introduced
this engaging infant as her youngest son, Ben
ny. We knew, by intuition and analogy, that
if his first name was Benjamin his second
must be Franklin. We inwardly resolved to
pay off old scores and inflict Poor Richard
and the inevitable dearly bought whistle up
on that child whenever we had the opportuni-
ty. Cousin Jane said she had brought Benny
in town to have his photograph taken; where
was the best photographer, and would we go
with them? We shuddered inwardly, but
preserved an external show of composure,
La. 4.
paper and exhort the impenitent non-paying
subscriber alone, and started off with Cousin
Jane and Benny, from whose countenance
and costume all traces of ink and paste had
been, as far as possible, eliminated. We
were glad to arrive at the photographer
weren't exactly proud of Benny. We as
cended fur flights of stairs, carrying Benny
in these editorial arms; we hope we didn't
set him down too emphatically at the top of
the last staircase. Then Cousin Jane inter
viewed the man of negatives. and the result
was that Benny was perched on a neat wood
en- fence. with a funeral urn on the post
from which tropical vines hung in festoons;
in the background were, as well as we could
make it out, Chinese pagoda and the White
Mountains.
Benjamin, unaccustomed to such surround
ings, set up a mighty howl and kicked vi
ciously. Cousin Jane alternately soothed
and scolded; we lavishly offered brides of cam
dy, and the photographer said Benny must
watch and see the little dog come out of the
box. OF course no little dog appeared and
the deceived Benny screamed with righteous
Indignation. Then we spoke with impasson-
ed eloquence enough for whole series of po-
litical speeches; we assured the recalcitrant
Benjamin that his effigy would be the fondest
treasure of a doting family circle. In fact we
fairly stunned him, by vocal vigor superior to
his own, and the bewildered mite stared at us
with motionless awe and wonder, while the
photographer seized the moment to take his
picture. When the negative was brought out
for inspection, we calmly allowed it to drip
over our best suit of clothes while we assured
cousin Jane that it was a very remarkable
likeness, and it would be no use to try for
another. Then we shouldered Benny, es-
corted cousin Jane to the cars, and returned
to our office with profound relief