Weekly Trinity journal., 1872-04-20
KEEPING A POST OFFICE

From the earliest period Of my recol
lection I've had a desire to keep post
office, or have the P. o. keep me; didn't
care continental which. For years l
have toied for the "posish" of p. NJ,
and last week succeeded. But now
write after my name, exp. NJ.
III tell you how it came about. The
postmaster here resigned, and, with the
aid of graveyard recommendation,
succeeded him. It's nobody's business if
did rob the tombstones for names for
my petition and can't see why the rel
stives of the defunct chaps won't quit
throwing it up 10 fellow.
Well, wrote p. NJ. after my name.
Mrs. Lipmuck embraced me with the
tenderness of a she-bear when | rushed
into the room waving my petition over
my head, and my appointment brought
on sundry other hugs. 1 was a happy
man.
Mrs. L. and sat up till midnight
writing my name with p. NJ. after it.
Oh, it looked grandly. l wouldn't have
snapped tor Pres, LII. D., or A. B. The
next day / entered upon the discharge of
my duties, and yesterday Uncle Samuel
discharged me.
Immediately upon his successor (Which
was me) being qualified, the ex-P.M. left,
and was left alone. The mail came,
and distr blted it thus wise; My mot
10 has always been, First come, first
.erved," and l acted upon it to the best
of my knowledge. gave letter to each
caller AS long MS they lasted, and then
commenced on the papers.
Wife said the thing would act like a
charm. Under the old regime some peo-
pie never got a letter, while now the first
person in the office, after the distribution
of the mail, would get the biggest, fattest
letter that came.
The idea was original, and l prided
myself on its invention. The Lpmuck
brain was ever fertile.
The morning following "mail day." I
left my house for the post -office-the at
tainment of long cherished ambition. AS
turned a corner | discovered two we'll
known citizens about to test the virtue in
clenched hands.
AZ never wrote letter to your wife,"
vociferated one.
"You lie I" yelled the other; "your
letter yesterday was handed me. My
wife is in Birmingham, and wrote a
sweet letter to you. Lipmuck's noble
motto of First come, first served, placed
it in my hands "-and moment later at
it they went.
! hurried on.
/ had just entered the P. o., when
woman entered the building.
"You william ~ she yelled, knocking |
my hat TO the floor, and burying her ca
gle talons in my hair. You gave my
letter to Mrs. Fastongue, the biggest old
slanderer in town. And she's telling ev-
erywhere that I've been writing to
married man."
Well, now can't boast of as much
hair as l could week ago.
Scarcely had my prosecutor left when
crowd rushed into the office. The Meth
odist preacher headed it. l think he
swore as he crossed the threshold.
"Villian ~ he yelled, "you gave Bird
Lyre one of my letters, and he's blowing
everywhere that I've got Il wife in New
York and another in Maine"
"Kill him {! kill him ~ yelled those
behind him.
] saw dozen fists and clubs nearing
me, and retreated.
"Hang the scoundrel |" cried the wo-
men, and feared the command would
be executed.
I went through the window, and now
I'm in another town.
I'm an exp. NJ. now, and a chap
whose motto amt "First come, first
served" stands at the goal of my late
ambition.
My brief p. NJ. ship has not been un-
productive of results. That NJ. L. preach
er has left his charge and New York
woman is hunting him. Twenty-six di-
vorces stare our next court in the face,
and, through my brief official career,
nine men walk on crutches, and four
women have spoiled faces.
Aud |? Why, my Uranium is hairless
and dare not go back to Skulltown on
penalty OF death.
My ambition is satiated now, and l
have discharged that motto, "First come.
first served" 1t don't work in u post
office.
wouldn't be q P. NJ. again for all the |
benzine in the world.