The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1872-02-29
The Book Agents Fate.

They found two nail kegs full OF
minced woman down at The depot the
other day. They thought it was chop
ped meat for nfinee pie atfirst, but
when they found some hair pins and
1 a garter y9ixed up in it, the truth sort
! of dawned on them. And when they
| fished out tongue that wouldn't keep
! still, you understand, they caught the
/ idea with great facility. 30 SIS
/ can tell you abont the thing, be-
cause, yop see, / did the mincing up
of the lady myself. L got her into a
mincing sort of way that she'll never,
never get out of as long as she lives,
Y ou can bet the maximum of height
with the minimum of safety on that
point. This is the way the thing hap
pened. tas a
| was picking my teeth on the Fifth
Avenue Hotel steps, after eating a
twenty cent dinner over in Third ave-
nue., as7is my custom ofan afternoon.
There came. by a2rakish craft. She
| scudded along under a closely reefcd
hustle and tolerably bare poles. The
wind was u nor wester, and it struck
her aft, uaking fearful havoc with her
canvas. She wore the new style of
metal gartcrs, with gilt clasps. will
| take my oath ou observe on that
she signalled me with her of eye, and
| bore down upon her. had thrown
overheard about seven words, when
she interrupted me by yanking big
book out of her hustle, or somewhere.
''Here is something" she warbled,
(which I'd like TO show you. 1t is
called the history of Christianity in
the Feejee Islands, by the Rev. Peter
Porridge. 1t is illustrated by ten
thousand pictures just engraved by
the old masters, and sbound with calf
skin. 1t is the greatest work ever
written. You can't afford to be with
out it. Children cry for it. The
price is only seventeen dollars. l will
put your name down, and"-- fsd
m .False womanw shrieked, 'Eaway !!
You have deceived poor, weak,
trusting man. You are book agent,
woman although unmarried, will
defend myself to the DEATH" - ~
But the creature, you comprehend.
was like the itch, or bad conscience,
or washerwoman's bill--not to be so
easily got rid OF. She dogged my
footsteps like a divorce detective.
She hovered over me like an aVenging
spirit. She laid tor me when / went
to my meals, interviewed me at my
Office, and bored me at every point.
Life seemed burden, and l would
have hydrate of chloraled myself only
1 knew that misguided woman would
have followed me into eternity, and
would have commenced to canvass the
land of eternal warmth for her blast
ed book. / know some good fellows
in the summer land, and / wouldn't
like, you understand, to precipitate
horrible fate upon them.
/ disguised myself-as hackman, as
an organ grinder, as a minister-put
myself in the most humiliating posi-
tions, you observe-bnt it wasn't any
use. Be sure that female wickedness
found me out. A last. meandered
down by the sad sea waves, and was
happy for time. Days sped by-at
fifteen or twenty dollars each-and I
was beginning to forget the book
agent. Az
One evening l wandered on the
sanded beach in the mellow moon
light. suppose, that is the correct
Long Branch thing to do. met q
lovely creature in white tulle, or cot
ton, sheeting, or something. l took
her for moon beam first, you COM
prehend, and my heart bumped with
admiration. i flirted with the etheri-
al heifer, and we sat on damp rock
very close to gether. My arm got
around her waist, and we were hav-
ing nice, comfortable time. You
possibly know how it is yourself
fEFair stranger, murmured, "dost
love thus to squat on the primeval
rock, and commune with nature 2"
She said she did. as. E's@d-d s5
eCouldst thou leave the alluraments
of art, and live always amidst the flow
ers and the trees of the moonbeams."
She said she could. al-{sz.aaI
"Whys SO silent ?" 1 asked, softly
pressing her hand. "Does aught dis
turb the harmony of thy SOULS any
thing but admiration for this scene in
thy heart 2" aoa s53 t8e8 1asi /
She said there was si sF9 I
tHere is something" she broke out |
pulling out ten-pound volume from |
,"that I'd like to show you.
1t is called the History of Christianity |
in the" aa@7 Al@f 4af
1 recognized her. She was that in
fernal book agent. | drew my trusty |
jack-knife. and smote her thusi Then
I elaborately carved her, packed her
as described, and now there is an eter-
nal peace within my soul. cas 31F"
,IG TITUs A. BRICK.