Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1872-09-20
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

| A WESTERN college oilers prize Tor
good manners, u -..-..--.
THE Latest Sensational mosquito bite
at IL 80 p, m.
WHEN does man sneeze three times?
| When he can't help it. ~ sEfr.a. i.,.,.
THE favorite fan at Kansas City is made
of tumbler and two straws.
A MAN and woman each eight feet high
recently visited Indianapolis. # a
A BED contains two sheets; a quire "a
It takes 10 beds to make quire. T.. ..,a
ABOUT the best schism that man can
be guilty of is witticism.
WHEN autumn is married to winter, the
wedding cake is always frosted. III
GETTING into grain corner is the
latest phrase for getting corned.
A BACHELOR compares shirt button
to life, because it hangs by thread. a.".
/ A FELLOW who sees a girl home under
an umbrella is certainly rain beau.
A HALF-CENTURY ago tomatoes were
called loye-apples, and considered poison
Gus. ' y"
| OUR butcher says no one can beat his
steaks Unfortunately our cook is obliged
| TO. @ H.tfs- v-c.a.Es. .ct..s ..5. .......
'T PROMISE to love, honor and be gay"
is the way Philadelphia brides get around
the nuptial vows. I..s q ..gn.r.. ~.
AN accomplished youth, being asked
whether hat could be called u tile arti-
Gle, replied, eyes, I chapeau So"
A LITTLE girl wanting fan, but not
| being able to remember the word, said
she "wanted thing to brush the hot Oft
with"
AN extravagant bride in Swampscott-
according to a Boston paper-bathes
in suite of white satin trimmed with
lace!
CARE the angels playing croquet,
mamma ?" asked little four-y year-old, the
other evening, when she saw the meteors
| shoot. ~ ....,.e ,t.... ........
SALT sprinkled upon the carpet before
| sweeping will make it look bright and
clean This is also good preventive
against moths. -. ... .....
WHY is coal the most contradictory ar
! ticle known to commerce? Because, when
purchased, instead Of going to the buyer,
| it goes to the cellar. ,
! To FLATTER a person adroitly, one
must know three things-what they are,
what they think they are, and what they
want other people to think they are.
"YoU can't do too much for your en-
ployer," said a person to big-fsted Irish
man. "Sure then" replied Pat with en-
phasis, "neither will l." ..... ...... ..r. ..
| IRWIN, Ca boasts of watermelon vine
that covers space Of ground forty feet
in diameter, and on which there were
thirty melons, averaging thirty one pounds
in weight. aisf- t..,,..5... ....
/ THERE are several japanese studying
| A.. Iii it,
try. They will make a great hustle,
says an exchange, when they return to
Japan.
A NEW YORK letter-writer says that
| in one Broadway business house there
are not less than nine divorced hus-
bands, two of whom are members OF the
firm. -I' @'' i.if
The Chicago man who stepped behind
pair of mules that he intended to pur-
chase, asked with much feeling when he
was picked out of the gutter, eff the der
rick killed anybody else?"
"ARTHUR," said good -natured father to
his "young hopeful "I didn't know till
to-day that you had been whipped last
week." Didn't you, pa" replied hope
full; "I knew it at the time" .......
! A LADY lost a pocket book containing
seventy odd dollars. A little urchin
| found it., and returned it to the owner,
who presented him with a peach. lie
calls her "old peaches," for pet name.
A GOLDEN rule for a young lady is to
converse with her female friends as
though gentleman were of the party, and
| with young men as though their female
companions were present. '.'j
WOMEN require more sleep, it is said,
| IL 2lr. TOO hio nO q
SAYS, the last sound he hears of nights is
the voice of Mrs. B. in her nocturnal lee
| ture, and the first in the morning is her
matutinal admOnition.
Mr.. RIDER, who runs the Meriden,
Conn telegraph Office, really enjoys his
business-it's so lively. He had two in
struments in his office melted by light
ming this summer, and expects to get
melted himself by and by.
A LITTLE boy, after watching the burn.
! ing of the school house till the novelty or
the thing had ceased, started down the
street saying, "I'm glad the old thing
burned down; I didn' have my jogfry les
son, no how"
| AT concert on Staten Island some
time since, an unseen horn was sounded
to give the effect of distant echo of the
-.
by some ones Immediately bawling "Por-
giesl" .... ......,. .-.5 Ia ..-. ..
! A MAN who has red headed sweet
heart addressed her as "Sweet Auburn,
| loveliest of the plain" Sweet Auburn got
mad about it. She objected to being
classed among the "plain," even though
called the loveliest of them.
A CLERGYMAN asked Garrick to explain
/
why it was that Garrick made so much
deeper impression on his audience than
| the clergyman on his. Garrick answered;
81 speak falsehood asthough believed it,
you speak truth as though you disbelleVed
it." -t g-....,t.
IT is announced by German scientific
periodical that silk dresses dyed with
picrate of lead are liable to spontaneous
combustion We are not told what tint
is given by picrate of lead, though from
it's explosive tendency, we suppose 1t may
produce a somewhat loud effect
UMBRELLAS with lightning rods at
tached are among the latest novelties,
They are very handy. You place the
umbrella on the roof of your house dur
ing a storm, and then go across the street
and watch the lightning strike at it. Every
family should have one.
|. y. w. FROME, VINO occupies rancne
near Willow Slough, not far from Sacra-
mento, California, has this year manufac-
tured 100 pounds of opium from one acre
of poppies, and has demonstrated that the
soil and climate are fine, and well adapted
to the growth and perfection of the Chi
nese poppy.
A FAcETIoUs traveller describes the diff
ference between society in the metropolis
| a,,l hot Il
| lowing language: eLn the country, II
| Won have q hniled leo of mutton for din