Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1872-12-12


tender hand, and endeavor. for in
stance, TO divert their minds from
contemplation of the horrors of the
tomb
Refrain from despondency, l sup.
pose, and lift their thoughts to
Just SO! And at the same time
combine elevating sentiment with such
practical information as YOU can obtain
from the advertisement. Throw a
glamour of poesy, for instance. over
the commonplace details of the every
day life of the deceased. People are
fond of minute descriptions. Some
facts useful for this purpose may he
obtained from the man who brings the
notice TO the Office; others YOU NAV
readily supply from your imagination.
I'll throw off stanzas,' said Mr.. OFT.
III such manner that people will
want their friends to die for the sake
of the poetry
But above all, continued the editor.
take bright view of the matter
always. Make the sunshine of smiles.
as 1t were, burst through the tempest
of tears and, if we don't make The
Morning Glory hum around among the
mourners Of this town, my name is not
Brimmer.'
The next day Remington OFT went
on duty, and Brimmer ran down TO the
sea-shore for q breath of air. All
through the day death.notices came
pouring in, and, when one would reach
OF, he would seize it and study it up
10 ascertain the particulars. Then he
would rush up stairs, lock himself in
his room, take down his rhyming
dictionary, run his fingers through his
hair, and hack away for half an hour
at piece of paper until he considered
that he had that poetry in shape
which would make the stricken family
feel proud of the corpse. When his
days work was done, OFT went home
with a conviction that The Morning
Glory had finally robbed Death of its
terrors, and made life comparatively
yalueless.
In the morning Mr.. OFT proceeded
calmly TO the Office for the purpose Of
embaiming in sympathetic verse the
memories of other departed ones. As
he came near TO the establishment he
observed crowd Of five or six thou
sand people in front of ii, struggling
to get into the door. Climbing a tree.
he overlooked the crowd, and could
see within the Office the clerks selling
papers as fast as they could handle
them, while the mob pushed and lam
med and yelled in frantic efforts to
obtain copies-the presses in the cellar
meanwhile Changing away like mad.
Upon the curbstone in front of him
there was n line of men stretching
down the street four squares, each man
engaged in reading The Morning
Glory with an earnestness that Mr..
OFT had never before seen displayed
by the patrons of that sheet. The
bard concluded either that his poetry
had touched sympathetic chord in
the popular heart, or that an appalling
disaster had occurred in some quarter
of the globe. He went around to the
back Of the office and ascended TO the
editorial rooms. As he approached
the sanctum, loud voices were heard
within. Mr.. OFT determined to ascer-
tain the cause before entering. He
obtained a chair, and, placing it By
the side door, he mounted and peeped
over the door through the transom.
There sat j. Alfred Brimmer holding
The Morning Glory in both hands,
while the fringe which grew in semi
circle around the edge of his bald
head stood straight out, until he seem
ed to resemble gigantic gun. swab.
Two or three persons stood in front of
him in threatening attitudes. OFT
heard one of them say:
My name is Mc,ilue, sir! William
McG.ue. am brother of the late
Alexander McGlue. lpicked up your
paper this morning, and perceived in
it an outrageous insult to my deceased
relative, and | have come around to
demand, sir, WHAT DO YOU MEAN by
the following infamous language?
The death angel smote Alexander McGlue,
And gave him protraeted repo>e;
He wore q checked shirt and Number Nine
shoe,
And he had pink wsrt on his nose,
No doubt he is happier dwelling in space
Over there ON the evergreen shore.
His frierds are informed that his funeral takes
place
Precisely at quarter past four.
This is simply diabolical. My late
brother had no wart on his nose. sir.
lie had upon his nose neither pink
wart nor green wart, nor Il cream
colored wart nor wart of any other
color. 1t is q alanderl 1t is q gratui-
tous insult to my family, and / dis
tinctly want you to say what you mean
by such conduct
Really, SIR said Brimmer, 1T is a
mistake. This is the horrible work OF
an incendiary miscfeant whom trust
cd as brother. He shall be punished
by my own hand for this outrage
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