davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-02-09

WHAT WAS HIS OTHER NAME?-As
Artemus Ward was once travelling in
the cars, dreading to be bored, and
feeling miserable, q man approached
him, sat down and said:
"Did you hear the last thing on
Horace Greeley?"
Greeley! Greeley?" Horace
Greeley? Who is he?
The man was quiet about five min
utes. Pretty soon he said:
"George Francis Train is kicking
up a good deal of q row over in Eng
land; do you think they will put him
in bastile?"
"Train, Train, George Francis
Train?' said Artemus, solemnly; ST
never heard of him. :"
This ignorance kept the man quiet
for fifteen minutes, then he said.
"What do you think about Gener-
al Grants chances tor the Presidency?
Do you think they will run hilnY'
"Grant? Grant? hang 1t, man, .
said Artemus, ''you appear to know
more strangers than any man I ever
saw"
The man was furious; he walked
up the car but at last come back and
said:
"You confounded ignoramus. did
you ever hear of ADAM
Artemus looked up and said:
+ What was his other name?'
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-02-09
A BELLIES Conquest.

Some gifted quilI-driver ought to
take up the annals of the National
Hotel, in Wash ngton City. that
abounds In comic and serious events.
For many years it was the head
quarters and grand rendezvous of po-
htical pumps, journalists and promi-
rient social actors and actresses of
past generations. The volume of reg
lister alone that must be extant would
be as valuable as Patent Office re-
ports, and as interesting as those of
the Agricultural Bureau. There was
a time when Presidents elect went
from the National to be inaugurated,
and lovely bellies swept through the
parlors. captivating beaus known to
the Union.
The thought brings up one of the
last named sort, whose entrance to a
ball room was the ovation to queen
"a fair girl from the West, and at
whose feet the so-called statesmen of
the day bowed in love that approach
ed alteration. She married one of
these statesmen, and a rival belle.
her superior in wit, hut not equal In
beauty said, commenting upon the
event:
'tYoa wonder at the match because
you do not understand it."
"What do you mean?'
II mean that she married one term
in the Senate.
"What small amLition-only six
years out of o lifetime %
six years make up a woman's So
cial life. After it is living tomb in
nursery; and then she has her
chances
"What do you mean?"
''Did you ever read the story of the
philosopher who undertook the diff
cult task of making the Pasha's don
key read the written words of the
prophet?"
Never did; tell me-"
'The philosopher. like all philoso-
pliers, was poor. At times he was
hungry, at all hours he was ragged.
He offered the Pasha to teach his
donkey to read IN Eve years. But
during the difficult task he was to be
clothed IN purple and fine linen, fed
on the best, and lodged in a palace.
If he failed. the penalty was death.
One day an old friend met him lead
ing forth the royal donkey to the
grove where the lessons were sup
posed to be given. and he said,
surely you do not expect that ass to
read? The philosopher, putting his
thumb to his noses winked one of his
learned eyes and said nothing
But, continued the friend, IF you
fail at the end of five years you will
surely be strangled.' My friend, ;
responded the philosopher, you for
get that In that time the ass may die
These are her chances, the Senator
may die. -CGpitat.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-02-09
AN honest backwoodsman

AN honest backwoodsman, unac-
quainted with the elegant phrases OF
the day, recently went into a store
at Columbus, S. c., to purchase a
bill of groceries. Stepping up to
the keeper of the store, he began
with:
s'Have you got any sugar."
eve hain't got anything else,
was the reply.
"Well, put me up one hundred and
fifty pounds, and make out your bill
I'll call and settle and get the sugar
in an hour or so. .
In an hour or two after this, the
gentleman called, paid his bill and
got the sugar. As usual, the shop
keeper said:
"Want anything else?"
ST did want three or four bags OF
coffee, some rice, spices, oils, etc.,
but I got them at another store.
You told me you didn't have any
thing else.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-02-09
POETRY RUN MAD,

The 81. Louis Ti0'es gives the following spec
men Of pneiry. The writsr eyiJcatiy means
'business," and has "gone in on ms nerye:"
l stood upcn the oceans briuy shore,
And with fragile reed I wrote
Upon the sand
"Agnes. I love ihee {"
The mad waves rolled by ana bIot;ed out
The fair impression.
Frail reed. Cruel wave. Trcacherous sand
I'll trust ye no more;
Bot. with giant band ri pluck
Prom Norway's frozen shore.
Her taIiest pine. asd dip its top
Into the crater of yesuyius,
And upon the high and burnished Heavens
I'll H,write-
"Agncs. love thee ~
And I would like to see any
Dog-gDned wave wash that out
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-02-09
GRANDMOTHER.

Just as the sun rose blusbing red
over the bill tops, somebody said,
In broken accents Of mourning woe,
Sobbing aloud. bat sobbDg ipw,
'Grandmother is dead :"
When the sorrnwesl murfnur broke,
Out from our beautiful dreams We woke,
Feeling sense Of the terrible loss;
"She was gold refined from tue dross,"
So somebody spoke.
just as she somttimes sat in her chair,
Lifting her heart in silent prayer,
Looked she only purple mist
Her dropping lids and thin lips kissed,
And re,ted thefe.
Only yesterday how sbe Planned
Latsns Of love for her aged habd
whenever nv useful days are Ger
Let use e. To the heavenly shore"
Was her demand.
Dear cid grandmother How her psaycr
Quickened the ear of Eternal caTeI
And. with only q warning pain.
His angel gathered her s3uI again
To those regions fair.
Blessed 10 IL for her to s'erp;
Can it De wrong for us TO weep?--
We who loved her 50 we'll aud knew
All the worth of her loving, too,
And her wisdom deep.
She was aged and 'sncw the wny
Youthful feet are inclined TO stray:
Tire young are gfddy, and thew must learn
OF youthful experience ere they turn"
She would gently say.
Happy grandmntlIer, Would that We
Might share with Won the mysfery
Or that Bcy0nd. where q tho ught Of Gin
Never. oh never can enter in
Through eternity.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-02-09

UNsAr1sFacroRY.-"Are you an Odd
Fellow?n
''No. sir; have been married q
week"
II mean, do you belong to the or
der of Odd Fellows?'
''No; belong to the order of mar
ried men," s
fsMercyl how dumb. Are you a
Mason p .4.s
mo. I'm carpenter by trade
Worse and worsel Are you Son
of Temperance r. a
"Bother you! no; TIM son Of Mr..
John Gosling."
The querist went away.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-02-09

Garibaldi declines to permit his
autobiography to be published until
after his DEATH.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-02-09

Follow love and it will flee; flee
love and it will follow thee.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-02-09
RATES OF ADVERTISING

Business notices in the Local Columns, Is
cents per line. each insertion.
For legal and trsnsIent advertisements - so
per square Of ~ lines. for the first insertion.
and 81 90 per square for each Subsequent in
sertion.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-02-09

HASH PAID FOR WHEAT. OATS, PORK
~ Butter and Eggs by WHEELER
"a SHEDD.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-02-09

HERE is the comparative magnitude
of the yankee nigger-freeing debt.
and the rate at which it is being re-
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1872-01-20

WASHINGTON, Jan. 19.--Israd Kimball, head
Of tobacco division Of the Internal Revenue Depart
ment has prepared paper for the OF the Committee
of Ways and Means i'll which he estimates the number OF
consumers Of manufactured tobacco and cigars
In the United States at about $s,OJO,OOO. CIV
ing to each individual consumer average
OF IL pounds anu IA ounces Of tobacco and l6i
cigars the basis of calculation being the 9j000 pounds
Of manufactured tobacco and 1,3G,000O00 of cigars
which collected during the fiscal ending
with June last The would be larger II the to-
baccO manufactured ana sold illegally added From
estimates Mr. hiba reaches the conclusion that
the tax tobacco has in wise diminished its
sumption and That the fact that the Government col
leCcd last year taxes upward OF 9j,OOOOO pounds
manufactured tobacco shows that the taxes are very
closely collected. His opinion is that not than
per cent OF such taxes evadcd, and that II all the to-
baccO manufactured sold, and consumed reached
by taxation, the sum total would not exceed lOOOCO
pounds.
Mr.. Kimba thinks that q uniform tax of "A cents a
pound, with the suppression Of the sale OF Teal tobacco
TO consumers ana thorough collection Of all the taxes
manufactured tobacco, would yield "a revenue of
S25,OOOOOO; while any less than "a cents pound
would be attended by corresponding decrease IN the
revenue There in the United States 92S manufac'
tories Of tobacco and snuh. Mr Kmbail says, IN CON
cluSiJu:
have ibd the has complaint
first petition BG0UOO asking Congress
peal the tie rate NJ opinion Is that the Of to-
the be continued aud have intention TO ask rs
the believe ind
sdt onal motive 10 The Indulgence Of luxury
h1cl louf hhhs Of their friends al least cipae'
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1872-01-20
IOREIGN MOVIES

The London Lancet thinks thai during the
coming sprlng or early in the Summer cholera will M
APPEAR IN Western Europe. VIII IT,
There are signs of breaking np in tbe
ranks of the Republicans France The Dernocrcv q,
SADeta IL TOO MID to suit the extreme Tendencies Of
. tie day. 'i's vi
The Democratic party in france profess IN
u highly amused at the letter Of Queen Victoria ,hsnL
r her subjects for the inest they manifested 4, th
;3llIess Of the Prince Of Wales :" '"e
The bill for Primary Instruction will lac one
Of e most Important measures before the Frneb Ma
oOL2l Assembly. The members Nominated ia 4o,,,oso
iheOnnDttee are almost all clercas ana opposed 10 tbo
BILL ' - NV
NJ. Thiefs, in conversation, on the Sd inst
with soHf Deputies, said he did despair Of uniting
81 parties IN The Assembly with regard 20 the great re-
'bbt necessary Df the prosperity OF the country eso
tay those relating 10 the reorganization OF the army
sid primary instruction. amy
The great firms throughout England are one
tybne yielding 10 the demands OF the wOrkmen for a
reduction in the hours Of labor 81 per week In ON.
two instances there has been some difficulty in settln
We itfLod OF distributing the time, and the men have
ts1Itatnso ~ consequence 10 strike The dihicutv
oseVer wnb Dut one or two exceptions has been eoi
''a ny Tie masters swing way.
11s Losaos Standard, Tory organ, has
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1872-01-20
OPINIONS OF THE PRESS.

WHAT TIE STATE PRESS SAYS ABOUT TERwIT.-
LIGER'S DEFENsE-GENERAL MANIA FOR
PROOF-READING.
The Rochester Union and AdrertiSer thinks
that since Mr. Terwileer read proof with much profit
while In the peoples service the people will now read
Mr. Terwigers proof without cost to him but with in
terest to themselves II he will bring It along. There
mania for reading proof all the land Let Mr. Ter
willger and The Ecening Journal Obbers bring along
their proof If they want Il read without charge OF
Terwigor and The Erening Journal jobbers stand Ia
| a far more unenviable attitude than complete 81,
them. They first denied too much. and then admitted
too much, for the maintenance OF ground Of innocence
pledge TO demand investigation by the Senate amounts
ofcer he was and is viii SO view it, There Is no saliva.
ton for him short OF thorough investigation by com.
Such an investigation the people do the the
Senate makes it the better 1t Will DO for the reputation OF
It's members"
The Bmghamtoa Republican reluctantly adj
mts that Terwinigers defense is not sufficiently
plcit "The Republican majority IN the Legislature
cannot afford do less than their duty in this matter
which duty is to clear up the record OF Its officer The
oense Is OF class far too common 1t ought 70 TO
made Illegal for public officer to receive, for services
performed connection with his official duties, any fees
not specifically provided for by law. In no other way
can good deal OF not to be approved be pre-
vented"
The Schenectady Star says that the affidavit
OF Weed, Parsons Co.. affirming that $63S oS was paid
Mr. Terwger for reading proof &C., may be true, but
1T does like large sum to pay man for
reading proof order clear up the charges made in
Mr. racies affidavit think Messrs Parsons ana Ter
wiliger better demand thorough investigation rms
Reform Senate aud the Deputy Collector who holds
office under reform administration to rest short OF
mil acuittal of all charges OF fraud His record must
be a clear one. sgating committees are in order
lust now aud they find plenty 10 do Let the work Of
reform 20 forward"
The Rondout Freeman, after summing up the
affidavit of Weed Parsons Co., considers the defense
very unsatisfactory Printers usually have regular
proofreaders and pay them such high that
their charges for such services would to the large
share of The proof reading defense Is altogether
too thin and will be generally secuted In fact Messrs
Weed Parsons Co. might better have kept silent Mr.
Terwger had better step out OF the way Of the Repub
lcan
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1872-01-20
TRAGIC END OF A YOUNG GIRLS LIFE.

Isabel \. Titus, age Is, came to tins CITY
two months ago from her home III PcpperlL small
village about 80 miles from Boston, to visit her sister,
Mrs Gertrude Galloway boarding with Mrs Adams, at
No 90 West Twenty fourth-st She has also visited
other sister, Mrs Lewis, residing at OIL City. Penn,
within the past month She suffered exceedingly nom q
disease Incidental 10 women and In consequence be-
came exceedingly low spirited, and occasionally exhb
tied symptoms OF insanity but believed that moth
ing serious would follow that these symptoms would
disappear when the removed. She had small
vOver, the gift of friend with whom she
had practiCcd shooting ut target Der sister spp0sn2
that she had no caridges had no dea that she meui-
gagged In shopping IN Broadway nearly all the afternoon
Miss Titus seemed much depressed Soon afer dinner
Mr. Galloway, passing the door or her apartment,
heard the click Of pistol, and reaching his room
mentoIfd the circumstance TO his WIFE and said he
thought isabel was leading her pistol. Mrs. Galloway
said She thought not her sister had nothing To load 10
with. Soon aferward friends came In, and pleasant
her usual splrits When they LEFT however,
she bade them eood,by aud said she would
ms this was the first ntmaOn which she had received
of her sisters intended departure hut second thought
considered Joke her siserS part az they nad all
been laughing and testing during the evening. The sis
tiers passed Upstairs IL being then lOi D. m aud were on
the point Of retrng when Isabel again ran
then passed up TO the fourth floor and sitting ON the
highest step took the pistol from her pocket, ana'
the bah passing into her brain She fell to the
floor, insensihle. Mr.. Galloway, bearing the
nate girl still breathing but unable to speak.
brought TO her assistance the other inmates
OF the house. and among others Dr. D. r. Pray, VINO has
an Office on the first BO9r but nothing could be done,
and the girl died after she had been carried TO her
Coroner Keenan, held an inquest yesterday. The de-
ceased educated the Convent OF the Sacred Heart
talented and accomplished and except when aboring
uuer attacks of melancholy to have been amisbe and
aheeOnate ia disposition Her remains were taken 10
peuppril for iuttrinent
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1872-01-20
THE NEW DOMINION.

PROCEEDINGS OF TIE DOMINION BOARD OF
TRADE-COMPLAINTS OF EACEsoNE ttSio9!o
CHARGES IN L. 5. PORTS.
OTTAWA. jan 10.-At IA meeting Of the Do
ninon Board Of Trade session here Mr. Smith 81 ST.
John n b. spoke Oh the question OF injustice done to
Canada by the Government OF the United sstes, in the
excessive Consular and customs charges 10 wDcn
Canadian products are subject upon entry at United
States ports lie briefly stat6 the grievances and pro
fded 10 point ont the importance of trade OF te poI7
as, John The exports amount TO about te,OO00O an
p1sliv While the imports were 100000 The complaints
Seie I az econd noce of great cost The nconyen.
ence was the necessity Of making double entry Tue
cost amounted about s. 90 on each such entry er
chants even then would not complain SO much II me
entry amounted to anything when made put C9hsuis
certificates, when presented 10 the CusOmhOuse
we've NOT worth the paper which they were written.
They felt under the circumstances that tey were cV'
wT Hazard Of Buo explained that the Consuls Ger.
tcate must OF necessity accompany al invoices coming
fnto Custom officers hands, no matter al what port OK
tom what country.
rangemcnt should be adopted between the TWO cOun-
tries lie was aware that the relations between the
two countries different from that between the
United States and other countries. He thought ~ was
nnadysabe 10 bring this matter before the Government
Mr. McGiicsIJe thought that any remOnstrance on
their part with the United States would be futile this
objection 4 mot 5pP oe td 10 st. SS49 GIt was y
Trade relations with the United States then came up
TIC Hon Nj Young opened the discussion, advocating
uVeieLl, Iblch was opposed by Mcssrs. HOwIMid
N4kes, Fry Burton and others. Mr. Rowland explained
he POsttioh Hihth pE inc DonhiOh uelegttes AT o.
l"us. He said the feeling OF the National Board 10
give reciprocal trade only their conditions, with
the evident intention OF forcing Canada into
MessrF. Lever and Hazard, American delegates, con-
tended that the commercial Of the United States did
not want annexation was less spoken IN the United
states than in Canada. Mr. Hazard stated that Zollve
rein was the ouy suggestion. The st. Louis Board would
meet strong opposition from the lumber coal and al,
metropolis Decides, there political obstacles in lis
adoption, but Americans were open free commercial
intercourse and upon any fair terms would meet Cana
dams hall way. ~
The debate resulted ina resolution % appoint dele
CATION from the Dominion Board the Executive
OF the National Board Washington as soon AS prcti
cable.
second resolution cOndemning ZOllverein but
tIJIesslnS cofdal Willingness negotiate fO the mr.
pose OF relieving trade between TN two countries from
81 restrictions, wds passed. AVN
The DEBATE on Trade relations. II Is said, wOud moi
nave taken place during the session of Parliament bnt
The Board Wlshed To give expression AN oiiou on no
Sutect Of Zollverein in the presence of he AIoc
DELEGATES 1850 ''N''
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1872-01-20
PERSONALITY TELEGRAPH

DIR. Richard s. Spoiiord of Newburyport died
Jesteriay age a.
Minister Curtin has left St. Petersburg for
Nice 10 m Gen. sherman and Minister Washbume.
~ The Washington Police Board has appointed
officer A. W ClsUoe behsf OF the detective force
The Rev Dr. q. A. Lyman of Cleveland. Ohio.
the effect stroke OF paralysis which be had
on Wednesday night
Capt. Fox, ex-Assstant Secretary of the Navy,
dce e appointment Of three arhttor the claims Of
lie Fsraut heir for account OF his private duties
....J. Bancroft Davis and other Americans con-
sct.d the Board A son have taken Office In the Ru"
De Ia Pain Pans and will there until the ner meeting Of the
thbgnsl
The Right Hon. Mr. JIOrsman, NJ. j., in an sd
dress biz Lstead kug on lhnfsA t"oA F""
Of the political prospect and declared that The present "ol
unit 10 deal VI Bnghsh questions
800. The will # Iuc Late Alexander Lorman, whose
valued contains following hcless chsfia-
bic insituroB fhs Blind Asylum SShO Baltimore
Orphan A,ylun ~ red Momens Home $1,000 AGED Meas
Hone III ,lhaI As,lum, $1,000. Church loht and To-
hrnsr, $1,000; 81 Psups Orphan Asllin,
$1,000 ors ro0O Manual Labor school $1,000
s,sh Bible Society 10 hr EiNsiJ Roberts many
confidential ok MI Loab fHN together -b al VI bis
f1TllJt, pale psBtbgs &c
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1872-01-20
TIE ERIE RING.

A COUNTER PETITION TO THE LEGISLATURE
AGAINST THE PRESENT MANAGERS.
The fact that the Erie managers were cir
culang among the epployes OF the road petition 70
the LEGISLATURE demonstrating against allowing Engli
shareholders in the road have voice in its control
was made pubic by TIE TGmCSE three weeks Both
branches Legislature have been flooded with these
petitions, signed 10y dependents Of the Company,
saoou-keepers and others, whose interests are
promoted by the present management. These
documents were printed In tho Grand Opera House.
and probably OH the press which has done such re-
markable work in printing certificates Of Erie stock on
the other hand the legitimate stockholders OF the road
have issued counter-peuil9n TO ne % ~ i.t
nj lie road and asking repeal Of the classification
hin new election for Directors in June or july aud
such regulations viii insure fair election Inc cOuh
ter has received signatures OF stOckhOldeIs VINO
represent so N0OOO and is expected that sL0cAnodtrs
representing Sl0Oo1OOO wlll sign II To-Day inc IoV%
Ing Is an abstract OF the financial statements on winch
the petition is based; ,,.,,
1e petition contains s1mma Of ne resn's accomplished oy he
preferred about 4dJtOVf aI the funded dcn
about sL3oGf while September 1911 The common stock was
stou =!8OOJl the preferred SOCK about 9.l he
about s54c0Oi @5JooO0Q having een added to TIE eas
stock sd 100000 10 The det While no d'leaI ha 9 T
p aid the cnIe resources u he Tosd nave been eIlu'
construction that $lO1JR have been expended ddtu
o9r e5I Tie c5 temp. T. asg l lo f n, S sa fe
afoad Company being the ifercnce te1cen csgd
corporation transferred 60 tie Enc k1~at COMPANY 10 @ u
debt, completely represented ~ s. G9 charged
tho old company iusls by the prert mans9cs 70
account f9r her own ci% sues oil 1eA anu t t
ing s4J72J payments ic other purposes thn o0nstc
uoa surplus oi39 The report Of Tie for
nevis s OJ 31; surplus SI8 reduction Of nueienths
result Of addition Of O 10 Tie stock aud eb ia erod
remarkable iDpoversucnt o. lie Company aud the growth
wealth Vi individual Managers Is 100 striking to require extended CON
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1872-01-20
THE TURF.

PROGRAMME or THE METAIRIE SPRING MEETING.
The programme of the Spring meeting of the
Metairie Jockey Club, New-Oreans, which will begin
on March and continue six days has been announced
On the opening day, the racing will begin with the
Bngaman Stake for fouryearolds, $50 entrance $1,000
added two miles which elosed with Is entries incnd
ing sallna, Nellie Ransom, Frank Ross, saucebox,
Mary Clark Sentinel stockwood. Nellie GRAY.
Hollywood, anu Billy Williamson. mile heat
race and q mile aud a half dash constitute
thc first DAVIS snort the second day there is hur
die race mile and quarter dash, and two mile heat
race For third day the Minor Stakes for three
ODDS one mile has % entries. including London, Malta
Bombshel and Young Hurry. This will be followed by
a mile heat race, and the Metarie Cup for all ages,
swoepsteak of $50 each. with $1,000 added and cup
worth $780, the gift Of NJ. II. SIndiOrd OF New-iork
In the event Of Mr. sandfoIds stable winning this race
the second horse Will get the cup Entries for this stake
will close on Feb. 20. The fourth aud nth days racing
for liberal purses aud on the last day the programme
will include the Post Stakes OF ESQ EACH sOO forfeit
with 81 800 added, with Noises painting, Life on the
Mctaire Course vaued al ST. 600 aud the Trial Stakes
for thrccyear Odds that have not appeared In pubcl7
nominations. Among those who have subscribed TO the
Post stake are Capt. Moore, Major Bacon, W. X BaD-
cock, aud j. A. Miller.