The Camden journal. [volume] (Camden, S.C.) 1866-1891, 1872-06-27
Greeley's Picture.
DRAWN BY MARK TWAIN.

He next goes to breakfast, which is tru
gal. abstemious meal with him, and consist
Of nothing but just such things as the markc
affords-nothing more. lie drinks nothing
but water-nothing whatever but water a1l0
coffee, and tea and Scotch ale, and lagel
beer, and lemonade with fly in it-somc
times houss.Ay and sometimes horse-tiy
according to the amount Of inspiration re-
ouired to warm him up to his daily duties:
During breakfast, he reads the Ir'bune all
through, and enjoys the satisfaction OF know
ing that all the brilliant things in it, writ.
ten by Young, and Cooke, and Hazard, and
myself. are attributed to him BY a confding
and ignorant public.
After breakfast, he writes a short editorial
and puts large dash at the beginning OF it
thus, (-----) which is the same as If he
put H. G.. after, and takes savage pleasure
in rejecting that none of us understrarpsrs
can use that dash except in proeanc CONVEX
sation when chaing over the outrage. lie
writes this editorial in his own handwriting.
He does it because he is so vain Of his pen
manshp. He always did take an inordinate
pride in penmanship. He hired out once,
in young days, as writing master, but the
enterprise failed. The pupils could not
translate his marks with any certainty. His
first copy was ''Virtue is its own reward"
and they got it washing with soap is low
and absurd" and so the trustees discharged
him for attempting to convey bad morals
through the medium of worse penmanship.
But, as was saying, he writes his morning
editorial Then he tries to read it over, and
can't do it, and he sends it to the printers,
and they try to read it, and can't do it; and
so they set it up at random, as you may say,
putting in what words they can make out;
and when they get aground on long word,
they put in ''protection" or universal suti:-
rage" and spar off and paddle ahead; and
next morning, if the degraded public can
tell what it is all about they say that II. G.
wrote it; and if they can't they say it is one
of those imbccie understrappers, and that is
the end of it.
On Sundays Mr.. Greeley sits in promi'
ncnt pew in Mr.. Chapin's church, and lets
on that he is asleep, and the congregation
regard it as eccentricity ofgenius.
When he is going to appear in public,
Mr.. Greeley spends two hours on his toilet
lie is the most pains-taking and elaborate
man about getting up his dress that lives in
America. This is his chicfcst and pleasant
est foible. He puts on his old white over
coat and turns up the collar. He puts on
soiled shirt. saved from the wash, and leaves
one end of the collar unbuttoned. He puts
on his most dilapidated hat, turns it wrong
side before, cants it on the back OF his head,
and Jams an extra dent in the side of it. He
puts on his most atrocious boots, and spends
fifteen minutes tucking the left leg of his
pants into the boot-top in what shall seem
the most careless and unstudicd way. But
his cravat-it is into the arrangement OF his
cravat that he throws all his soul, all the
powers of his great mind. After fixing it
for forty minutes before the glass, it is per-
fect-it is askew in every way-it orcrfows
his coat-collar on one side and sinks into OBJ
liyion on the othcr-it clubs and it dclvcs
around about his neck-the knot is conspic-
uously displayed under his left ear, and it
strechcs one Of its long ends straight out
horizontally, and the other goes after lis eye,
in the good old Toodles t;lshion-and then,
completely and marvclously apparcled, MIR.
Greeley strides forth, rolling like sailor, a
miracle ofastounding ecstumcry, the awe and
wonder Of the nation.