The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1872-01-16
Ecoentricities Of California Hus-
bands.

Every old Californian, having II
"49' baked his own bread and boiled
his beans, deems himself a good fami
ly cook. He maintains even great
'er conceit than this he deems himsel
cook sur rerior to any woman in the
world, when he chooses to concentrate
his mind on culinary affairs. On such
man, when duly married, ther,
breaks out once ortwice a year culin
ary mania. He must cook he will
cook. He watches the opportunity
when his wife has prolonged her after.
noon visit little longer than usual
He iEvades the kitchen. He kindIes a
fire in the stove. Before kindling that
fire he leaves open every door in the
house, from cellar to garret. He
turns the damper the wrong way. He
draws water in the wrong bucket to
fill the tea-kettle. These things are
terrible to mention, but they are often
done in California. He throws potato
and uther vegetable parings il. the
cleanest pail be can find. Wherever
he walks and wherever he touches he
leaves "muss." He leaves knives,
forks and spoons all over the house
also, dish.rags; he ceases tn be a
rational or accountable being. An
old male California cook, married and
in his wife's kitchen, is not well.
spring of pleasure.
He brings all the frying.pan, he
can 6ud into use. He sets their sooty
bottoms on the clean pine table. H
contemplates making tea. He reflects
as to the quantity he used in the mines
for making" He caunot recollect
exactly. He Grams several fistfuls in
to the teapot. He will have enough,
any way. No one whd drinks thereof
sleeps that night. Nervous. He ESSAYS
to make biscuit. lie wonders how
much saleratus they used in the mines
to get good rise on. He uses enough.
lie kneads his dough, and wondering
yacantly about the house, leaves tracks
of -four ut every step. It is in the
parlor, on the door. knobs, on the ban.
nisters. He can cook. He SAYS ne
can cook better than any women in the
world if he "was onl y a-mind to give his
mind to it." This conceit is never to
be taken out of him. 1t is peculiar
to all old Californians; for he made
bread in mines. 1t was good bread,
too-good to kill. They say two
"pardners" who "cabined' with him
died of heavy bread digestion. He as
given twenty-four hours to leave that
camp. Now we see him ravishing his
wite's kitchen. He has burned up all
the choice newspapers lying about,
which the folks wanted to read. He
is using table-butter to cook with, and
sets the cooking butter on the table.
Things fall into that dongh-buttons,
matches, and uits of coal.
Iu the midst of all this culinary
riot, chaos, smoke, grease, SCOT, rags,
and flour, the wife comes home. She
opens the hall door, and is oppressed
by the cloud of smoke. She knows
then that the culinary fit is on her
husband. She steps into the kitchen.
There he stands, red heated, fustered,
caught in the act, with big spuon in
one hand, tormentor in the other. a
spot of black on his nose. The irving.
pan is full Of hot, smoking lard. Il
sizzles and sputters all over him, as he
stands there with back to the stove.
and all over everything for many feet
around. There comes from the oven
door suspicious smell of smoke; his
biscuit are burning. All sorts of
things in pots are boiling over. She
rushes TO his assistance. Both burn
their fingers. He has mislaid half the
covers, and cannot find them. One is
discovered. fortnight afterwsrd, Up
stairs under the bed. How did it e,t
thereS He says he didn't know he
was carrying it up at the time. Ab.
sent-Ininded. He was looking for "A
clean towel at the time.
His wife, in despair, goes to her room,
aud cries; and thinks of her happy
glrlhOod days. She does not come to
supper. No one eats much that evening
He has the table TO himself. Hehasn't
much Of an appetite. either. He gets
up every half minute for some forgot
ten article-for the salt, for cup, for
a saucer. When he has entirely finish
ed, he finds the potatoes forgotten I;
they are still on the stove boiling
boiling piecemeal, boiling fnriously,
like the driving of Jehu, the sun of
Nimshi, who drove rapidly.
Next day his wife comes down stairs
and hires woman TO clean up. Things
get settled in about week. 1t is his
only fault. He sticks to it that he
can cook better than any woman in
the world, if he chooses "to give bis
mind to it," She says the mania new
er broke out in him until they had
been two years married. Twice a year
it RACES, and the kitchen smokes. All
California husbands have a touch Of
this disease. 1t was contracted in the
mines in the flush days of '49-Lip-