The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1872-03-29
weaning the Baby.


house. a lovely babe has been r'ldely
torn from its notller. There hasn't
been any sleep in the neigliborhoOd
for a week, and all the cats. dogs and
English sparrows have fled IN diSmay.
Pleasant dreams and ecstacies of bliss
-havc fled, and everything Is so blue
that we can scr,pe indigo OF the back
fence. This weaning business has dis
tlirbed the peace and quietness OF a
quiet family wuis than ten .ols of be-
iyacle. I'd rather swallow Il bell
knob, hitch the wire to an engine
house. and start telegraph alarm In
my stomach, than attend another sea-
son of weaniug. Yonng'uns don't
like to be wea;td; they don't Nike to
be Separated from the bosom of the
family, not nlHbly. 1t all came
about tmi+Iy; live with Mr.. Spiflins;
Mrs. SpiilinS il the majestic mother of
"a little Spilllns p; its htler is old Spif-
fins. called old Spif for short, just as
little Spillins is called Spitfy, for easy.
There is door between my room and
the Spiflinses, The keyhole leaks,
hence all the trouble. 4 female wo-
man. mother of about II dozen clil-
dren, call on Mrs. Spilfins and told
how shameful il was to nu>s that
great big boy--it was drawing Oh her
too much, and care and anxiety would
put white strcaks on. her head, like
fat in hunk Of roast beet. She told
her if she didn't wean him from the
maternal fount in less than six months
she could scrub clothes en shergfore-
head. Then she concluded to wean
the little cuss. and it was the worst
season of perplcxing adultcrated dis
tress | ever experienced. 1t was
equal to good spell Of misery aud
woe, without any sweetenmg.2 A
man comes ont of Il season of weaving
wrss han a rooster drowned in sWi.l
blrTel.
The first thing that pious family did
was to lay in 4 barrel Of super sui
plate Of paregoric-they lay in it, but
they lay ii in. They got six dozen
bottles Of WinSlow's syrup, ten pounds
of morphipc, twenty gum drops, and
eight pounds Of alum, to shrink his
throat so he couldn't yell then they
bought two cows that gave cows
milk, another COW that gave con-
dcnsed milk, and another COW that
gave cream for cottec;. then they
bought COW that din't give any milk,
for company for the other cows. |
told them that if they kept so many
cows Spitiy would be coward; but
Mrs. Spilllns didn't appreciate the
joke. The dreadful night came. Lit
tie Spiffy had his ations cut off: he
didn't like it, and III swear before
long | didn't like it either, and soon
wished his head had -beuf dit of too.
The anvil chorus wasn't nowhere; it
was worse than though my pillow had
been stuffed with live hull frogs; Of
all the yells that ever brought sun
shine to the.tireside this was tile yell
oh-est--trom 1918 p. M, till Ia. m.
it was one streak of shrek, with here
and there knot in it, where he would
raise his voice little.
laid awake MI night and murmur-
edcnsses. III the next room things
were kinder mixed. Mrs. SNffins and
Spif got to growing. Mrs. Spililns
cried and old Spif sWOre. Mrs. SDif-
fins asked Spif if these were the gold
ell dreams Of, her alnaitlenhoood.s Spil
said he didn't care a continental
d-d for her golden dreams, and
asked her if this was the peaceful man.
ner in which they were to glide down
the pathway of life together. Then
she told him if she had married Smith,
he wouldn't have treated her so. Spit
told her he wished to thunder she had.
and old Smith had that young'un to
wean. Then Mrs. Spilflns began to
weep, and told Spif how much she
had suffered for him, and she said her
heart was breaking. Then, think by
tile sound, old Spif got up and took q
hanu III exercising .Spliiy, for heard
heavy foot pacing the floor. an hight,
! When | heard the glasses jingle
knew that little Spitfy was getting
paregoric squirted down bis throat
but Spitfy kept up bis yell. ByJAlhlS
Caesar, felt Ike cramming live
lobster down his throat. Three nights
this thing was kept up. Ididn't | sleep
one wink. lost ten pounds of flesh
Il { eonld' have got hold of that little
cllss Id lost another pouud-l'd
pounded his hide so be wouldn't have
no hide and seek in him when he grew
up. No more weaning matinees fol
me-. After the tlFtlg was all did, they
brought little Spitiy down into the
parlor. lie laughed and o-od, and !
will take my oath, you would think
that he never cried in his life. I'm
blessed glad the job il done, and ifev-
er | have the job done on my own &C.
count, you'll find this youth leaving
town for a week; for it is an awful jot
to wean a yOungun, sure