The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-05-10
scrssoRHNGs.

uOWu uTAkSS, look out lOT d pIc1h
down.
What kind of molasses is no mo-
lasses? Why. NO. m~olasses, of
course.
A farmer gathers what he sows,
while O seamstress sows what she
gathers.
All that is necessary fer the perfect
enjoyment of the fragrant sausage is
confidence.
You shouldn't let the children read
Watts poems; they contain much
hymn-morality.
A boy at Terre Haute set the piano
on FIRE. OF course it was extinguish-
ed by playing on it.
Note for Darwin: In time the
mulberry tree becomes q silk gown;
and q silk gown becomes a woman.
The Intelligent Compositor pleas
antly alludes to "Alexis, the noble
Russ" as "Alexis, the noble Kuss."
There is q town in Dallas County,
Iowa, all the male residents of which
are Aldermen. The town is Alder.
A mar Just returned from an Indi.
ana camp-meeting, SAYS the right
spirit prevailed-he tasted it out of
a black jug.
Josh Billings says: "I don't rex
-coleckt now ov ever hereing of tew
dogs fteing, unles THAR wuz a man
or tew round"
you'll grow up ugly if you make
faces" said q maiden to her little
niece. did you make faces when
you was a girl. auntie?"
a New Orleans paper says that a
young widow in that city, who writes
well, sis training herself for an ed
itor." Who is the editor she is train
ing for?
It is delicately intimated that Alex
is does a great deal of standing up
since his bufalo-hunting experience.
When he does sit down, he sits down
gradually.
/ would say to all young men,
marry your second wife first, and
keep out of debt by all means. even
if you have to borrow the money to
do it.-Mdrk Ticain.
"Loss of a China packet shipr" ex-
claimed a liberal-mipded old lady, as
she laid down a newspaper. 81
should think SO, when even iron ones
are not always safe"
An impertinent mink, asking Judy
the other day why she had left off
her corset, the old lady instantly re-
piled, THAT she did so because she
had no time to waste in stays"
A far Western lady who was not
posted in history. and who had for
gotten her geography, asked a friend
who was going to Utah to bring her
a couple of Mormons for her aquar
ium.
A lady tells us that when she was
a poor little girl, living in the cour-
try, she used to ''plant corn in her
bare feet" This imparts a new orr
gin of those troublesome things on
our toes.
A woman, being asked what va
her husbands occupation, said he
was engaged in finishing. 1t was
subsequently ascertained that it was
a term in the Penitentiary t. which
she referred.
Hungry boarder: "Some more
bread, if you please; I always eat q
good deal of bread with my meat. /"
Sarcastic landlady: $50 I see, sir
likewise a good deal of meat with
your bread"
DO you Think asked Mrs. Pep
per, 'sthat a little temper is a bad
thing in a woman?' Certainly not,
ma'am," replied a gallant pbiloso-
pher; sit is a good thing, and she
ought never to lose t..
1t wal a brilliant Fond du Lac boy,
who, seeing a dog with a muzzle on
for the first time, exclaimed: NAM
ma, I bet five cents the dogs are 60
ing to wear hoops; there goes a dog
with one on his nose, now"
The latest story is that William
Morgan, who has always been sup
posed to have been the victim of the
great Free Masonry excitement, es-
cased to Texas, and married an Indian
girl, and that Cachise is his son.
Husband fold style question:.
what. dipping into the third vol
ume to see if every one is married.
Wife (new style of answer). "Oh,
they were married in the first volume.
I only want to see if it was really
her husband who poisoned her"
Fond mother. "John, do look at
that child; it has your watch in its
mouth, and will swallow itr John
(who is a bachelor brother-in-law,
and very fond of babies): .sOh! don't
be the least alarned, I've got hold
of the chain. It can't gofar." Tab
leau.3
The Kennebec journal says q lit
lie 7-year-old, not a hundred miles
from Hallowell. was asked by his
mother to take a piece of cake from
her plate that she had not eaten
~whereupon young hopeful replied
that she did not propose to become
a Lazarus for anybody"
A gentleman in search of a man tc
do some work, met on his way q
highly-respectable lady, not as young
as she once was, and asked her
nCan you tell me where I can find {
man?" mo. I cannot" she replied
"for I have been looking these TWEEN.
ty years for one myself"
----