Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-07-12
HunaOr.

HumOr.
Open to neutrality-suspicious.
The skirts of time-old dresses.
Shocking-A magnetic battery.
Always on the spot-Detectives
Improving time-mending clock.
A Solicitor-General-A poor beggar.
When patient begins to feed more the
doctor is feed less.
Opportunities, like eggs, must be Matched
when they are fresh.
To dispel darkness from about you--make
light Of your troubles.
Is lamp at any time in bad humor
Yes, when it is put out.
There is one thing that can always be
found-and that's fault.
There is no innate improperly in horse
shoers being on strike.
The man who carried out his moral reso-
buttons forgot to bring them back
The savages are unjustly styled ignorant,
for any healthy Indian is well red man.
What are domestic magazines? Wives
who are always blowing up their husbands.
Difference between cook and her lover
is-one cooks the meat, the other meets the
cook.
An exchange, noticing the marriage of a
cotemporary, wishes him posterity and hap.
piness.
Early rising was once an indication of
thrift, but now it indicates that man is
thirsty.
Ths man who turned pale wasn't quite
SO unfortunate as the man who kicked the
bucket.
An arch young lady is said to be an
archer, for she can bend her beau as she
pleases.
Why should undertakers be prosperous
They are always running their business into
the ground.
Josh Billings says: 1.-The best way 1
kno Nv to repent Nv emmy thing is to do bet
ter the next time"
A Frenchman said Of Shakespeare, "Ven
you End anyzing you no understand, it is
always somezing fine"
Some malicious person has said that the
letters M. D., attached to physicians
name, means money down.
An artist painted a cannon so naturally
that when he was finishing the touch hole it
went off-at a very good price.
A girl with an income of thousand
year or more is always an object of interest,
because she has SO much principal.
A Western Editor, in writing the obitu-
airy of a respectable citizen, says that ''he
has gone to that undiscovered burn
An eastern journalist, who is perfectly
bald, has offered reward of 1000 dollars
for tale that will make his hair stand on
end.
Why is pretty, well.made, fashionable
girl like thrifty housekeeper ? Because
she makes very great hustle about small
waist.
evil these goodswash ?" asked lady
of dry goods clerk. "No," replied the
waggish salesman, "you will have to wash
them"
The difference between country and
city greenhorn is that one would like to
know everything. and the other thinks he
can tell him.
I'm so thirsty, said boy at work in the
eorrfeld. Well work away, said his father,
you know the prophet says, Hoe every one
chat thirsteth.
Coleridge tells us Of man who had such
an overwhelming self-esteem that he was
never known to speak Of himself without
taking off his hat.
Mamma take your medicine like
a good girl, and when you get we'll I'll buy
YOU nice dolly Sick child-'Please, ma,
have it Dolly Warden"
A pretty girl says: eff it was wrong for
Adam to live single when there was not
woman on earth, how guilty are old bach
elors with the world full of pretty girls"
A Judge, pointing with his cane at pris.
ouer before him. remarked, "There is a
great rogue at the end of this stick" The
man replied, SAT which end. my Lord 2"
"Josh, I say, was going down street the
other day, and seed tree bark" "GolIy,
Sam, I seed it hollow Il seed the same
one leave" "Did it take its trunk with it ?"
nOh, it left that for board"
An exchange says fashionable young la.
dies are calling upon somebody to invent
new dance. Suppose somebody" invents
one wherein the young lady dances around
the house and looks after everything.
An Irish editor got out of a railroad car
to take some refreshment, and the train
started without him. ''Stop, there" be
shouted, .sstop ye ould stame wagin, we've
got passenger aboard that's left behind %
As a gentleman was telling his friend
that mutual acquaintance was sent to
Jail for gross intoxication, he was asked
WHY he did not bail him out. "Bail him
QUIT" be replied, "why you could not pump
hin out"
sect out Of my way what are you good
for p said cross old man to little bright
eyed urchin, who happened to stand in the
way. The little fellow, as he stepped one
side, replied very gently: "They make
men out of such things as we are"
A drunken Irishmap, on being told that
his Incorporate habits would make his poor
wife widow, was quite affected, and ex.