Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1872-02-08
BREVITTES AND LEVITIES.

The wrong side-Suicide.
Happiness is internal, not external.
An unpleasant suit-Law-suit.
A bath for eveTybody-Sab-bath
A relative beauty--a pretty cousin.
| The end of candle is to give light.
How to get roaring trade-BHy men
agerie.
Romantic death-A young lady drowned
in tears.
What are the oldest tops in the worId?-
Mountain tops.
The old Sports motto-"Let US live to-
day, for tomorrow we dye"
The man who couldn't find his match
went to bed in the dark.
Christian graces, like the stars, shine
brightest in the darkest hours.
ParadOxical-In surgery the lancet is
always applied in vein.
"Beware," said the potter to the clay, and
it became ware.
The way to keep your silk umbrella
Only lend your cotton one.
When is butter like Irish children
When it is made into little Pats.
When is "a lady's cheek not a cheek
When it is little pale (pail.)
Why is young lady like music book?
Because she is full Of airs.
Why are ''culed pussons" first rate to
whisper a secret tO?-Because they always
keep dark.
Why is John Bigger's boy larger than his
father?-Because he is a little Bigger.
When is a skein of thread like the root of
an oak?-When it is full Of knots.
Many young men are SO imprOvident that
they cannot keep any thing but late hours.
What is that which has a mouth and new
er speaks, and a bed in which it never
sleeps?-A river.
A handsome woman pleases the eye, a
good woman the heart. One is a jewel,
the other treasure.
Sentiments of friendships which flow from
the heart, cannot be froze in adversely.
''What are you doing there?" said grocer
to a fellow who was stealing his lard. SIN
getting fat" was the reply.
A Memphis clerk drew S35, 600 in a lot
terry the other day. Four thousand others
who expected 10, didn't.
How would you express in two letters
that you were twice the size of your com
panions?-I W q double you.)
What is the difference between a school
master and an engine driver?-One trains
the mind, the other minds the train, some
times.
The following advertisement was in a
New York paper Wanted, by a
boy, situation in an eating house. He is
used to the business.
An Omaha paper advises the people 'Enot
to make such fuss over the shooting ofOne
constable, IS there are over forty candidates
for the Office"
A Yankee down East HIS made the dis
covery, that a window glazed with old hats
Is sure indication that the occupant has
seen a rum bottle.
Why does a coat grow larger when taken
out of a carpet-bag? Because when yoa
take it out you'll find it increase.
A merry out poor man, being laughed at
for wearing short cloak, replied, at will
be long enough before have done with it."
If small girls are waits, are large one waif-
ers? Certainly" says sweet sixteen: Sat
least the boys have the habit Of applying
their lips in sealing their VOWS"
Miss Phoebe COuZins, of ST. Louis, has
been admitted to practice as lawyer. The
members of the bar received her not as a
brother lawyer, but only as a COuziR.
Dr.. johnson compared plaintiff and de-
PENDANT in an action at law, to two men
ducking their heads in bucket, and daring
each other to remain the longest under
water.
"Cast iron sinks, all Sizes is the legend of
a Hartford plumber inscribed on his outer
wall. "Well, who in the thunder (hic) said
it didn't?' was the inquiry Of an inebriated
man Of sin to the plumber aforesaid.
a rural poet indicted a sonnet to his
sweetheart, entitled 81 kissed her sub rosa"
The compositOr knew better than that, and
set it up in printers Lstin. 81 kissed her
snub nosa.
An Indian editor makes the following an
ave positively decline to
publish any anonymous communication in
the future, unless it is accompanied with
the name of the writer.i'
An Indian cooper put his son inside a
cask he was finishing, to hold the head up.
At last accounts he was trying to find some
way to get him out through the bung hole.
"Go it, old fellow" said two idle scape-
graces to an honest laborer at work-"Work
away while we play-sow and we'll reap"
every likely, my lads" replied the man
coolly; HI'm sowing hemp
Old Gent-"Biddy, what is this you have
among the stuffin' of the turkey" Biddy
delighted -'Ah, an sure master, I'm
obliged to you for finding my shignOn; I've
been looking for it all day"
"Why do you not hold up your head as 1
do?" inquired an aristocratic lawyer Of a
aboring farmer. esquire" replied the
farmer I" look at that field Of grain. All !
the valuable heads hang down, like mine,
while those that have nothing in them stand |
upright, like yours?'
"My friend, don't you know that it is very |
to take nap while the train is in |
motion?" "Wbyl no." exclalm d the as
5onished individual, walking up; 'why |
5o?''-"Because this train runs over Sleep |
ers."
A married friend of ours said he would |
always have remained single but he couldn't |
afford it. What it cost him for "singing
schools and ice cream" was more than he
now pays to bring up a wife and eight chill
fren. Bachelors should think of this.
The Nebraska Legislature, or the frac-
ion of it that insisted On remaining in ses-
sion after adjournment, and that attempted
% depose Governor James, concluded to ad-
ourn sine die
One of the last discovered $50 counter
eits was received at the Treasury Depart
nent. 1t is printed on plain paper, while
he genuine is printed on patent fiber pa
)er.
Tweed remains in New York despite the
of the Legislative Committee of
to appear in reference to the con-
est Of his Senatorial seat by O'DOnovan-
2ossa.
Register Sigel, of New York, has been re-
minded by the Citizens Association that the
ee Of his office will bear a reduction Of full
ifty per cent. He says he win take it into
It. is said that previous TO the departure of
General AkerInan for home he
vas offered, but refused, the Judgeship in
Florida made vacant by the death of John
u. Mckinney.
Espartsro, of Spain, has recOnsidered his
efusal of the title of Prince Vergeria, and
las signifed his acceptance Of the honor
,fered him By King Amadeus.