The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1872-05-31

, wife. in which was the sentence. 9Th
President aas received with three lnIy
zas = pronounced the last word slnl,
: sizes. Moro shame for him, ''exclain
: ed the Indignant a&d scainlaliAd lady
Il don't say, MIR. Judge said
. witness, ''that tile defendant wa
drunk. No. not BY no means; hut tlli
| will sN'-wlen last saw him, h
was washing his face in a mud puddle
and drying il on a door mat. Whethe
. sober man wonid do this | can I say.
Permanent lleadqwrters-tle shouI
ders. Howto make clean sweep
wash him.
A pricklypair.- porcupinc and !
hedgehog.
What is the difference between 4
valSe and a yuung widow? One isa gid
dy-whirl and the other Is WILDLY girl
81 meant to have told You of that
hole. " said a gentleman to a friend
who was walking with him in his gar
den. and stumbled into a pit full OF
water. mo matter, +" said the friend,
blowing the mud and water out of his
mouth, give found it"
An old flrmtr in New Hampshire
recently killed a pig, and being asked
how much it weighed. replied that it
did not weigh as much AS he expected,
and he did not expect it would.
Said IA Detroit lady to a gentleman
Of that city: "You are not musician
| believe NO, said he. '.If were
the proprietor of a lamd-organ, set ex-
presSly to play; 'O.d Hundred" |
could not get seventy-iiye out of it,"
\ Milesian born on the last day Of
the year, felicitates himself on his lucky
escape of not Icing born at all. BE
iaters,' - says lie, "aud il il had been
the next day what would have become
Of me"
Bridget, what has become of the
tallow creased my boots with this
morning." II fried the buckwEeats
in it," "Oh, l was afraid you had
wasted it,"
Teaclier-"Tummy. what does
hair spell!H Apt Pupil-"Dunno
sir" Teacler-"W why, you numb
skull, what have YOU got on your head
Apt Pupil dunno, sir, but |
think it bees llca."
Horace Greeley is said to I've sick and
tired OF the ''tlevilinents that beset an
editor nowadays, in the way of politics.
He some times swcars that he will
qnit the business and take to teaching
writing school for living.
Why is the letter ''l'' in the word
military like tllenose? Because it stands
between two sis"
"Mr. Smith wish to speak with
you, privately. Permit me to take
you apart Il few moments Smith
twho wasn't the least frightened
Certainly, sir, if you'll promise to
put Inc together again."
a couple were married at Shelbyville,
Ind, the other day, the groom being
sixty-four years old and the bride nine I
teen. After the nuptial ceremony,
the happy pair borght twenty-five
cent; worth Of cheese and crackers and
st;lrted on toot on their bridal tonr to
HE groom's residence-tive miles from
the city.
II love you like anything" said a
young gardner to his sweetheart, as
ne gently pressed her hand. ditto"
aid she, returning tie pressure. The
lrClent lover, who was Iio scholar, was
iorely puzzled to know the meaning Of
Tito. The next day, being at work
With his father. hs said. "Fathar what
s the meaning of ditto:" Why"
aid the old man. ''this erc's one cub
'age-head amt it," "Yes father"
'Well that ere's ditto.'' "Drat it,"
.iaculated the indignant son, then
he called me cablage-head."
An examination committee about to
est the capacities of an individual for
chool-tcaching, put the following
Iuestions to him: AT what period did
france have her greatest general?'
AT what period" pausing and
cratching his head. "Ah! you've got
ne there" Can you tell me whether
was before or after Christi" BE
ore or after Christ? Before or after?
DID HOSES, you have got me again"
A Sacramento telegraph Office is rid
ing itselfof loafers. The Bee says:
Box, running the full length Of the
-ont oftlle Office on the outside, has
eretofore furnished a tempting seat
Or the habitues. This has been COW
red with zinc which Is connected
nth the batteries. that are contained in
ne box. A person sitting upon the
OK without touching his LANDS there
0 will not feel the electricity, but if
is hands f;lllupOn the box, or he puts
ZEN thereon to assist him to rise, he
eceivis such a sudden and astonish-
lg shock as sends him an unbelieve-
bic number of feet toward the lofty
,of and the adjacent river. Any good
~ person may see some of these
lfOrtukates unexpectedly struck by
'me of this domesticated lightning,
,scribing fifty feet parabola in the
r."
sENCs11ia fhoa I-nn,.-, ,,,,x,a,, IN 11oJ