Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1872-10-17
Hamor1DllS.

| Has wrought upon tie heart!
.se
Hum0rOuS. -
AaR1CU1TuRA1 fare-Pork and beans.
A NEW version of an old verse-
Loatbe the poor Indian. ,..-s
A MAN that ought to be re mem.
bered-A one legged soldier.
SUPPLEMENTAL treaty. shall
smoke, dear, now I'm married"
WHAT is the largest room in the
world3 The room for improvement.
A Ru1-Ur job Canning tomatoes ard
peaches.
A xerEoRoIoo1cAI hybrid-the au-
tumnal eguine-ox: ->%r.E rss
WHEN does q man have to keep his
word : When no one will take it.
ABADstyle Of arithmetic.. Division
among families, !. y. CO.
WHAT does . man see in the Wild
waves Sea foam. zt2:s,I
PoRr RATE OF A tskNTLEl6AN-Sixty
dollars q dozen in glass.
RAILWAY APHoR1sN-Every milk train
has a cow-catcher.
New Book" Ebenezer Divorced," q
sequel to ''Ebb-Tide.
The most modest thing in creation.
The retlr1ng tide e..
WHICH goes the: quicker2. "A full
minute or spare moment.
A PAPER called The Cat has been
started in Athenr, Georgia. It will
cultivate the Mewses.,
A oo,n1Esr-"S Speech il silver, but
silence golden" Hence the expression
hush money. ,-.:, ..1s,.:
Way is a selfish friend like the letter
Pr Because though the first IN pity,
he is the last in help. - 7*"a
mo COWS, no cream,"was the way
an intelligent compositof set up the
words, "No cross. no crovn."
Or al things in the world that are
"better late than never" going to bed
certainly ranks first.
"HAvE you heard nv last speech p
asked political haranguer of a~it."
81 sincerely hope so," was the reply.
A MAINE Alderman, invited to Intend
q centennial jubilee, replied: II can't
attend this oce, but IN 60 next time "
"Pur me in my little bed is very
appropriate title for piece of sheet
music. .r
A NEW abomination has appeared in
the Vocabulary. nuptlated - for mar
ried. '''.-
THOSE Indianians who sell heas for
fax seed may be said to fleece their
customers.
WHAT is that which, when brought
to the table, is cut but never eaten2 A
pack of cards. T.
A PARTY on seeing pencil sketch of
drawn battle. We always thought it
had been one.
A APHLADEIPH1A advertisement reads:
"The upper part of this house to let,
containing three rooms, . cellar, 6tch-
en- and back yard" ..>:.;l
A YOUNG lady studing French and
finding that "beile'' meant tt1ine,"
told somebody in letter that We had .
good deal of belle weather lately.
The woman who never watched her
! neighbor is said to be a =cousln to the
woman who did not know how many
dresses her sistef-in-lsw had.
A NAN that marries widow is bound
to give up smoking aud chewing. If
she gives up ber weeds for him, he
should give up his weed for her.
If Uncle Sambo were to buy \ color
ed cotton dress for his wife, Aunt Sally,
Why would it be like a street door
Because 1t would be intended for IN
sgress. *~5-.. ~ 5, -f::;;5rsf:
THE following placsrd sppears in .
Paris confectioner's window:
! PK1E HYAcM-nEs. .. ~
Anew Swe-tr cat for Weddings.
| (Highly RI commended to NM. les Fnnces. J
| A WIFE of uouta5 comm. ted suicide
in London LAST month by driving . pee-
die into her heart. All thus because
her husband found fault because his
mutton. Was overlooked: soc. Il ID,
I; Two tvestrymena of q 2 fashionable
church in New York have q desperate
quarrel on hand because one Of them
recently hired two burnt cork artists.to
sing in the choir, and the other, do1. t
want, and won't have their music.
V1srroR: "How long has your mas
ter been awaya" Irish toota,an !:
" Well, sorr, If bed come home yis-
therday, he'd been gone awake to-
morrow but ev he doesn't return the
day after, shure he'll been away . for.
night next Thorsday."
Pur not your faith in him Who pre-
diets hot season-he sells ,icee; not
in him who predicts . cold one--!he
owns 4 cheap clothing establishmeu ;
nor yet in him who declares . wet one
-he vends umbrellas nor dry one
he sells beer. ,-.-,r
An absent. minded man entered &
Troy shoe store the other day, and
wanted his boy measured for u pair ot
shoes. But where's the boy2" said
the dealer. g Thunder said the man,
GIVE lett the boy at home : III 60
and briug him, -" and of he started fol
his house, six blocks away: ''''' 81!
THERE was one pun Of Sidney Smith
that Charles Lever never t1red:of tell.
ing. Mrs. 0rote, the wife Of the dis
tinguished historian, appeared once al
soiree with queer sort Of tur6an or
her accomplished head. Look al
that, said Sidney, "thst's the origin
of the word grotesque.;"
! As the early morning train down or
Yesterday drew up at the principal
suburban station, = plessant- looking
gentleman stepped ont on the platform,
and, inhaling the fresh air, enthusias.
tically observed to the brakeman
"Isn't this invigorating2" .".No, air
it is Bethel" said the conscientiou'
employe. The pleasant-look,ng gen
tleman retired. .,.rre
A GENTLEMAN once asked 4 little, girl
, an only child, how many sisters she had
and was told "three or four ;" 40 He
, mother asked Mary when they tNer
alone, what induced her to tell scch al
untruth. ''Why, mamma" cried Mary
"I didn't want him to think you ver
,. so poor that you hadn't hut one child
Wouldn't he thought we were dreffu
; poore" 3'''
YouSa MrDDY Ito his uncle, who
, never seen the seal You want t.
, know why the sea goes back, eh
"Well, you see the waves are cat'se'
by the little fishes wagging their tails
then they swim away in order t" sc
. eau, hit by the fishing smacks; and then
as they can't live without water, the Sc
! follows them.. This causes high. tld
and low tide" Uncle marvels ut hi
q nephew's knowledge.
!. .AwAG entered a grocer's shop som
I years ago, which had for its sign 18th
4 Two Balloons - and addressing himsc
= to the proprietor. said. 81 wish to sc