Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-01-26
A Disgusted Agrioulturist.

The latest fraud of earth is agri-
culture. The deadliest ignis fatus
that ever glittered to bcguile, and
dazzled to betray, Is agriculture.
l speak with feeling on this subject,
for I've been glittered and beguiled
and dazzled and destroyed by this
arch deceiver.
She has made me thousand
promises, and broken every one Of
them.
She has promised me early pota-
toes, and the rain has drowned
them; late potatoes, and the drouth
has withered them.
She has promised me summer
squashes, and the worms have eat
en- them; winter squashes, and the
bugs have devoured them.
She has promised cherries, and
the curculio has stung them, and
they contain living things, uncome-
ly to the taste.
She has promised strawberries,
and the young chickens have de-
voured them, and the eye cannot
see them.
She has promised tomatoes, and
the old hen has encompassed them,
and the hands cannot reach them.
No wonder Cain killed his broth
err. He was tiller of ground
The wonder is he didn't kill his
father and then weep because he
hadn't grandfather to kill. No
doubt his Early Rose potatoes, for
which he had paid Adam ST. bar
rel, had been cut down by the bugs
from the head waters of the Eu-
pirates. His Pennsylvania wheat
had been winter killed, and wasn't
worth cutting. His Norway oats
had gone to straw, and would not
yield five pecks per acre, and his
black Spanish watermelons had
been stolen by the boys, who had
pulled up the vines, broken down
his patent picket fence and written
scurrilous doggerel all over his
back gate. No wonder he felt mad
when he saw Abel whistling along
with his French mcrinoes, worth So
a head and wool going up every
day. No wonder he wanted to kill
somebody, and thought he would
practice on Abel.
And Noah's getting drunk was
not at all strange, He had become
a husbandman. He had thrown
away magnificent opportunities. He
might have had a monopoly of any
profession or business. Had he
studied medicine there would not
have been another doctor within a
thousand miles to call him ssquack;"
and every family would have
brought bottle Of "Noah's Com
pound Extract of Gopher Wood and
Anti-Deluge Syrup" AS a politi-
clan, he might have carried his own
ward solid, and controlled two
thirds of the delegates at every
convention. AS a lawyer, he would
have been retained on every case at
the Ararat Quarter Sessions, or at
the old Ark High Court of Admi-
rality.
But he threw away all these ad-
vantages and took to agriculture
For long time the ground was so
wet that he could raise nothing but
sweet flag and bulrushes, and these
at last became drug in the market.
What wonder that when ut last he
did get half a peck of grapes that
were not stung to death by Japhet's
honey bees, he should have made
wine and drowned his sorrows in a
Glowing bowl"
The fact is, agriculture would de-
molish saint. l was almost a
saint when l went into it. Pm a
demon now. Pm at war with ev-
crything. l fight myself out of bed
at o'clock when my better nature
tells me to lie still until 7. / fight
myself into the garden to work like
a brute, when reason and instinct
tell me to stay in the house and en-
joy myself like a man. l fight the
pigs, fight the chickens, the moles,
the birds, the bugs, the worms
everything in which is the breath
Of life. fight the docks, burdocks,
mullens, the thistles, the grapes,
the weeds, the roots-the whole
vegetable kingdom. l fight the
heat, the frost, the rain, the hail-in
short, l fight the universe, and get
whipped in every battle. | have
no more admiration to waste on the
father of George Washington for
forgiving the destruction Of his
cherry tree. A cherry tree is only
a curculio nursery, and the grand
father of his country knew it. l
have half a dozen cherry trees, and
the day my George Washington is
six years old, I'll give him a Ratchet
and tell him to down with every