The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1872-07-26
Varieties.


"AH, Mr.. Simpkins, we have not
chairs for our company said gay wife
to her frugal husband. Plenty OF
chairs, dear, but too much company,
replied Mr.. Simpkins, with Knowing
wink.
WHAT is the fashion, Annie? Fashion
is something that causes Betsey, who
goes bareheaded all the week, when the
sun is shining, TO wear gloves and carry
a parasoi on Sunday, when it is cloudy.
Gan, ladies'" said an old bm vivdnt,
as he opened bottle OF wine, "what is
more delightful than the popping of
champagne cork ?'' 1.-THE popping OF
the question ~ unanimously cried the
ladies.
A SHORT time back the question was
asked, "Why do men marry?' The
following reply was not less singular
than true: "Some young men marry for
dimples, some ears, some noses; the
contest, however, generally lies between
the eyes and the hair. The mouth, too,
is occasionally married, the chin not so
often"
AN editor wrote a leading article on
the fair sex, in the course OF which he
said: "Girls of seventeen or eighteen
are fond of beaux" When the paper
was issued he was rather shocked TO
discover that an unfortunate typograph-
ical error had made him say "Giris Of
seventeen or eighteen are fond of beans."
JOHN RANDOLPH met an enemy in the
street, one day, who refused to give him
half the sidewalk, saying that he never
turned out for rascal. do, said
Randolph, stepping aside and politely
lifting his hat, " Pass on, sir.
A LADY was urged by her friends to
they spoke Of his two beautiful chill.
dren. Children" replied the lady,
are like tsothpicks-a person wants
| their own
A BEvY Of young ladies, while cross
ing Mill creek, at Salem Cal, by moon.
light, thought they observed goose
swimming in the creek, and began pelt-
ing it with stones, when they were great
ly astonished by hearing the aforesaid
goose exclaim " Why can't you let a
fellow alone? | amt bothern' you
any,"
This kind of literature is still popular
in Missouri: 1.-The agglutlnated eye
lids of Mcleod, of Calumet, were first
separated by an attentive nurse eighty
| three years ago. Since that time they
have never looked upon a rain that for
witness would equal that which spread
it.els over this village last week"
A COUNTRY girl went to Fond du Lac,
the other day, and for the first time saw
the immense appendage hung to the
back of a new-fashioned dress. She
took square look at it, liked it, and
determined to have one. So, going into
the store, she asked the clerk TO show
her some of his "hump CLOTH The
clerk was embarrassed, but, after con.
sulting with the proprietor, the young
lady got her hump cloth and departed
happy.
LITTLE girl Of five summers was the
happy recipient of velvet cloak. of
which she was very proud. One Gay,
soon after, she was discussing her
dresses, their beauty, style, ETC., when
her mother, by way of nipping her van
ity in the bud, said my dear, do you
not know there are more important
things to talk of than dresses? Quick.
ly she replied: ooh, yes, mamma,
velvet cloaks."
A RURAL editor tries his hand at wri.
ting Bridge of Signs thus:
| One more potato bug
| Gone to his rest,
| Stepped tenderly,
| Cause IL was best.
| Poor little later bug
| Smashed in the dust!
| In thy prosperity
| Business has bust
SIMPLE and effective mode of kill.
ing ones creditors without fear of de-
lection has been invented in New
Hampshire. it consists of writing to
the intended letter requiring an i'm.
mediate answer, nd inclosing power.
fully poisoned stamp for return postage.
Agents who will take the patent right
for States or counties where there are
many mothers-in.law may realize hand.
some profits.