The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1872-04-18
THE 1NseLENcE OF TRUTH.

4
dock. The boat with its bladed whee
slashcd up. Ashore leaped stranger.
Standing near was typical citizen. The
blood lay in puddles under the fabby skin
of his cheeks like stagnant water clogged
by foul debris. His eyes sagged lazily
in the brewed softness Of his pulpy
flesh. HIS breath came and went through
wheeling fat To understand his voice,
imagine s. broad-side of rank pork lying
in the scented depths of beer-vat taking
on a natural tone then imagine that
tone magni6ed into the cultural reso-
nance of a great human swash; then
imagine that swash modified by the ac-
ton of catarrh in form so gigantic as to
require its possessor to search for heroic
remedies In the shape of hand fuls of
snuff lying loose In his capacious pockets.
He stood upon legs of unstable bulk, and
his arms hung at his sides with dropsi-
cal heaviness Thus legged his body
was obliquely bolstered over two nail casks
like colossus of soap. And he had other
trademarks of malt character upon his
shambling business. l give an exact
report of what was said and done saving
necessary corrections:
Stranger. What town is this?
Citizen. Say, stranger, what are you
here for, hey Where did you come from,
hey :? Locking up place to stop, hey :?
Any capital. hey?
Thereupon the citizen eyed the strang-
err closely, and seeing annexed to him the
seedy garments and fiat pockets of power
ty, became forthwith covered with
muddy smile even down to his thorax.
Then he resumed with all the gravity of a
Sophocles
Come to steal away our vested rights
of monopoly, hey? 1t is hard for one to
| start in a new place unless he Is something
uncommon. | and my friends went in
| for railroad, but under protest that it
should bring lumber and wheat only
Damn me, if it brings a change of popu
lation.
Stranger. Aha!
Citizen. This is pod-auger town,
town governed by inhabitants of long
standing, town that uses the ancient
well-sweeps Of pleasure.
Stranger. Aha!
Citizen. This town has sixty-nine
saloons Of good and regular standing
where is kept something to take. All
these saloons are owned By first rate fell
lows, who are warm friends of legal mind
ed bar-leaners and night-cap politicians,
and the general instigators of slouched
hats and scabbed eyes. They are good
fellows, ! say; for they will sometimes
give free glass to a man to quiet his
nerves when he has the delirium tremens,
and will help bury him when he is dead.
These saloon keepers are good fellows, [
say for, against the pangs of con-
science which bubbles and tears in their
fermented stomachs, and against the
protestations of the church that upon the
non-observance of the Sabbath, it will
withdraw that abundant patronage of
week days which is carried on through
back doors and at unaccustomed hours,
they work seven days in week for the
good of the public.
Stranger. Aha
Citizen. AS a long step toward success,
| became early initiated into the whisky
hor of
this famous ring until he has learned to
drink without wincing and at one sitting
six straight glasses of forty-rod whisky,
or thirty-one glasses Of beer. l have
long since learned to go many better and
place my chalk-marks among the highest.
Now, mark me, stranger, between you and [
and the gate post, long headed politicians
lay their plans deep in the scented watts
Of the County In fact, stranger, all
great politicians are great drinkers. In
order to succeed here as politician. you
must be able not only to swim, but be
able tc dive and live, in this great sea of
human fermentation. Here the politician
must urge his claims by whining attitudes
and complete his public toilet by rolling
in the mud. Having made himself red
nosed and pussy, he should proclaim
himself the champion of all Banged. bat
tered, and scabbed institutions; and
damn bis adversary with rolling grace.
Sooner or later by mighty curvilinear
effort and strain of the spine, one must
project his face between his legs and look
rear-ward with a sickly smile. Thus is
the bulky heart of a fap-doodle public
stirred to admiration and to love.
Stranger. Aha
Citizen. Here. business runs in ruts.
Let native once get his teeth set in a
particular direction, and the habit hangs
to him like the theological gripes. This
is pretty lift of fortune upon which
we rely to keep out strangers. There
upon to illustrate the rut idea the citizen
stopped and drew his podgy finger along
rotten plank upon which some chance
bilge-water had been thrown. and forth.
with said bilge-water followed 10 the
exact track of said finger.
Stranger. Ahal
Citizen. Here society divides itself
and runs in thousand metallic duets.
Barking clans show their teeth and die
upon their respective thresholds. Every
one is busy in sowing seedy scandals and
spinning hereditary miseries.
Stranger Ahal
/ Citizen. The church, though small
in numbers, has considerable strength