Weekly Trinity journal., 1872-08-03
ABOUT BABIES.

speaking of. This l don't believe. |
have often seen black men at st. James
Hall ard elsewhere, but who ever saw q
black baby ? l wrote back, saying that
if DR.. Livingston, brought among hi,
specimens of curious insects any black
babies, l should have great pleasure il
inspecting them and giving him a certiG-
cate; that is, provided they didn't prove
stuffed seals or large cockroaches. There
are great number Of babies in the world
Most of them are, however, kept out OF
sight in cradles, hencoops, attics and old
clothes baskets. A man once told me
that the reason of this was because, il
they were allowed to crawl about the
streets or parks no one could stir out for
fear Of walking on them, or tripping over
them, in either of which cases the people
so doing would be prosecuted by our
friend Lathbury. 1t was once proposed
by very clever irshman to try all ba-
bies found running at large by the treason
felony act butas all British subjects are
liable to be tried by jury of their peers,
and rs babies are never to be depended
on to keep their oaths, the idea had to be
abandoned. Babies are all nearly the
same size, When they are very small
they are called infants, and fed on butter,
and brown sugar and turpcntine. Some
times the turpentine rises to their head,
| and they behave in the most outrageous
manner. | once saw an infant who had
drank too much turpentine sitting on a
pillow on the ground and yelling with all
its might at most respectable looking
old lady, who was the infants grand
aunt, and had lot of money in the
funds. Whenever the grand-aunt point
ed her finger at the infant it yelled loud
er than ever, and tried to bite the finger.
! The grand-aunt left the house and settled
all her money on an institution for elder
ly unmarried women. The education of
babies is generally in very backward
state indeed, they do not appear to know
much Of the English language beyond
the words "papa," mamma" ''mo,"
"go," by" A man once told me there
can be no doubt that babies are descended
from niggers, for they always say "me"
for 60 :"
Babies do not differ much in temper,
size and disposition. They are violent,
about the size Of a pillow, and covetous.
once saw baby with corkscrew, a
pair of tongs, handbell, and Il broken
hcarth-brush, and nothing could induce it
to part with any of them, although it
had got the corkscrew halfway into its
ear and the handle of the hearth brush
altogether down its throat. When you
come near a baby 1T stretches out its
hand and clutches you at once by the
necktie. This is, the mother tells you, II
baby desires to kiss you. When you
stoop forward to kiss the creature it seiz
cs you at once by the hair, and every one
at once laughs and says what a precious
baby it is. When you sit down you are
asked to hold the baby. You take it in
your arms and place it on your knee
Immediately it catches hold Of your col
lar, and tries to stand on your best troWs-
ers with its dirty boots. If you don't al
low it the mother says "Oh, do, Mr..
So-and-so, let him stand up he is quite
delighted in having discovered he can
stand and il won't hurt him." 1t then
lays hold Of your shirt-studs, shoots out
its finger ut your eye, and drives II hand
sticky with wet sugar into your shrt-bo-
som. Not unfrequently it behaves in
such n manner so inconsiderate ms TO
make description impossible. This makes
you wish to put it down and stamp on it
with your right foot. Babies, like dogs,
are not found wild in any country
They're always met with in the vicinity
Of mankind. They are usually the com
panions Of women. In savage countries
when the men are out hunting tigers with
their horses and dogs, the women amuse
themselves with feeding babies and wash
ing scalps and drying beef in the sun (;
in civilized countries when the men are
out shooting pigeons or hunting for
harcs with their dogs, the women look Mt
the babies and sit down until the hair
grows down to their feet, put on tight
dresses, and learn the names Of their
children, if they have time, after coming
in from seeing their friends. The most
singular thing about babies is that each
one is larger and finer than any one that
has ever been seen before. The first thing
that a woman does when she sees baby
is to take it in her hands, hold it at arms
length and say, " Oh, DEAR" or "Oh! my
goodness, or some other powerful words.
What fine little fellow, and only sew
en- months old, too Why, Mrs. So
and.so's be by is ten months, and this lit
tie fellow is twice his weight. Upon my
word, Mrs. So-and-so, have seen many
baby but this is the finest" Mrs. So
! and-so smiles, and takes the baby, and
shows how it can very nearly stand when
it is held up under the arms and has its
back against the leg Of a sofa. A man
once told me that men were descended
from babies. What Mr.. Darwin said
about monkeys was bad enough, but this
is really carrying matters too far.
A YOUNG gentleman recently created
quite sensation while reading to circle
young ladies poetic effusion ITO
beautiful Belle" by pronouncing the