The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1872-08-03
Life in a ~shaksperean Boarding House.
BY THE " FAT CONTRIBUTOR"

What uncomfortable people Shakspeare's char
acters would be to associate with every day.
Fancy your living in the same clearinghouse
with Hamlet, Othello, Shylock, Richard ILL.,,
King Lear, Juliet, Mr.. and Mrs. Macbeth, and
the rest. How they would take away your APP
petite, and what dreams you would have.
Shylock, claiming his pound of flesh every
morning, and taking it in tender loin before any
one else can get a chance at the steak, Macbeth
giving you the fidgets at dinner by rolling his
eyes and starting continually as his fancy paints
the murdered Banquo sitting at the table, apos-
trophizing it as it grins among the tea things.
Alas! poor Yorickl lie knew him we'll, lIoratio,
although he neglects to inform us whether or not
he was acquainted with him when he wasn't well.
How diSagreeablc it would be to run against
Lady Macbeth in a dark hall, as you grope your
way to your room late at night, and hear her
whisper in bloodcurdling tones
"Hark-I laid their daggers ready"
or encounter dusky Othello with a feather bolster
under his arm, going to make himselfa widower.
Your nerves would be on a strain continually,
and it would be almost impossible to enjoy a quiet
meal or enjoy a good nights rest.
If on a soft moonlight night you should take a
stroll in the garden, you would be likely to STUN
BILE over Romeo kneeling among the gooseberry
bushes, swearing undying devotion to Juliet Sit
ting at windows:
LADY, nv wonder blessed moon I swear.
That tips with silver all these fruit tree-tOps-'
(lnOee were the uaVS OF specie pdyInenls re-
member. If ii tipped anything to the fruit tree
tops, it now would be nickels or postal
Old King Lear would be a charming addition to
q small and highly select tea party. How nice it
would be to have him room next door to you, and
hear him rave of a stormy night;
d" Blow, wind. and crack your cheeks rage blow
You caisracts, and hurricanes, spout
Till you have dreuched our steeples, drowned the COCKS
You %sulphurius Notwithstanding fires.
Vauul-cOuriers OF Oak-cieaving thunderbolts,
SINCE my white head! And thou, all-shaking thunder.
Strike fiat the thick rotundity OF the world. ~
Richard Ill. wouldn't be the incest man in the
world for a fellow-boarder, either. He has a
habit Of making away with people he takes a dis.
like to. and a mania for smothering children
whenever he catches them in tower. He is peevish
and hard 70 suit. If he orders a team from a
livery stable, he is not satisfied when it comes,
but pranees around in the front yard, yelling
Give me another horse :"
He finds fault with the lsndlady and threatens
every day to change his clearinghouse, saying
--"H Here win 1 lie tonight,
But where tomorrow 3"
If he is momentarily amiable over the report
that another of his victims has just expired, he
quickly relapees into his old mood, and 8 Rich
ards himself again :" it being so difficult for
Richard to be anybody else.
Julius Caesar is a magnificent object in tragic
history, but who would want to sit at the table
with him every day? Be compelled to quail per-
petually before that eye "whose bend doth awe
the world, - and hear " that tongue of his that
babe the Romans mark him and write his speeches
in their books cry, IS pass The fatersr -
Cleopatra 4! Gorgeous old girl She had kings
for lovers, and inspired all hearts with Cieopa-
triotism, Queens were her waiting-maids and the
of the earth her retainers. But we
like to board with her. Aside from the
scandal she would inevitably occasion among the
boarders, her extravagant appetite for pearls dis
solved in vinegar would ruin any clearinghouse
keeper IN the country. We would have Antony
following her about all the time, 20 the neglect of
his regular business, whining-"I am dying,
dying -,
Then her cultivation of asps as pets would
render her a dangerous as well as a disagreeable
person to have around the house.
Falstaff would be a jovial boarder, making it
lively for the boys, bat he would breed a famine,
md it would be impossible for a man to keep any
thing TO drink in his room when old Jacks
around.
After mature deliberation, l think l should
prefer to board with everyday people, if they are
not quite so distinguished or interesting, than
i've among Shakspeare's famous creations.