The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1872-05-20

johnny Warden, brother OF Dolly's,
it is intimated, will supply the name for
the lntest in gcntlemen's suits.
Tho latest revolving absurlity in fash
ionable society is visiting caid with por.
trait Of the visitor on the corner.
josh Billings says that slander is like
tin kettle tied 10 dogs tail-yery
good fun as long rs it isn't our dog.
A baby in Detroit swallowed watch
last week. and the doctor says It's symp-
toms are like those OF tick douloureux.
There was little maid,
When their neighbours hens had laid
Their eggs IN her fathers garden,
She used to sell them, 40
She bought some calico,
And made herself bowling Dolly Warden.
A good old man, who died IN New
Hampshire, left 81 900, the interest to bo
expended in warming the church ho Ind
attended.
"Gone where white man can open on
Sunday" is the inscription left in tho
window Of deserted barber.shop in New
Bedford, Mass.
Why is n man who makes addition to
false rnmors like one who has confidence
in all that is told him I? Because he re-
lies on all that lie hears.
Ifyou have been on q street ear when
1t ran of the track and was dragged over
the cobbles, You may easily know tho
sensation of a California earthquake.
1t is said that spinsters have better
clance Of success against widows in tho
race for husbands than bachelors hayo
against widowers in the raco for wives.
Two hundred thousand persons, on an
average through the year, each Sunday,
resort to tho various lager-beer gardens
and other places Of recreation and re-
ireshment in and round New York city.
A Burlington, Iowa, baby is immortal
iaed by the following epitaph:
Beneath this stone our baby lays,
lIeneltllcr cries nor hollCrsi
lie lived Just one aud twcnty days,
And cost us forty dollars.
A lady writer says, "If women were
rs particular in choosing n virtuous hus.
bond rs men arc in selecting yirtuous
wife, moral reformation would soon be.
gin, which would be something more
than fiOth and foam"
A young man asked a young lady how
old she was, and she replied "G times Z
and 7 times . added to my age will OK.
ceed G times 0 and 4, as double my age
exceeds 90" The young man thought
sho looked much older.
A saltwater hen has gone into the pea
nut business. After lnyipg two eggs,
each measuring6 1.2x7 3-4 inches-largo
enough for goose--she produced a
couple Of pigeon eggs, and finally conclu-
ded her efforts by laying a fac similc OF a
peanut.
A New Hampshire clergyman recently
attached twenty-five hens and three tur-
keys, the property Of n member OF his
congregation, to recover the sum OF SO,
subscribed by him for the support of the
minister. He won his case, butan appeal
was taken.
A man n hundred years old went to
have pair OF shoes made. The shop.
keeper suggested that he might not live
TO wear them out, when the old man re.
torted that he commenced this one hun
dred years q good deal stronger than he
did the last one.
A Tennessee electrician claims to layc
Invented method Of propelling railway
trains by electricity at the rate Of 100
miles an hour. II is to be hoped that
the road on which such m experiments
tried will keep both its tracks and Its
switcl.tcnders MS straight as possible.
While indulging in tremendous
yawa lately, Anton ochler, aged twenty
three years, wood engrayer, residing
in wiiliamsburgh, threw his jaw out Of
place. He was taken to the Park Hos.
pital, where Dr. Hardy, with a good
deal OF difficulty, yanked his jaw back in
to place,
During the conference ut Worcester,
the following dialogue was heard be-
tween two newsboys: II say, jim,
what's the meaning Of so many ministers
being all here together" "Wby,"
answered jim, scorniully, "theyIalways
meet once year to exchange sermons
with each other"
When you find q newspaper on q ball
room floor, It isn't always proper opick
II up and wonder whereof came from and
ask unnecessary questions concerning
the peculiarity OF the folds. We know Of
young man who did that net long
since, and he couldn't getanother girl to
dance with him during the evening,
A Philadelphia editor, who exclnims
against people calling on him who have
nothing to do and nothing to say, aud
think that he has nothing 10 write, and
are fond Of nothingness in general, puts
the following in the front page I've
have rented an Office In tho top oil the
Ihot tower, and have planted torpedoes
and spring.guns all the way up the
stairs.
Many pesons who wear reading glasses
are sorcly annoyed at the difficulty OF
Keeping them In their proper position on
the nose. ToAll sach II will be inteaest.
ling 10 know that q rising young opticiau
has devised very ingenious expedienl
by which that end can be accomplished
hi consists In, driving a tack into tn
bridge oithe nost and hanging the glAsse