The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1872-09-27


to fail?
A countryman sawa skeleton Of
donkey in a local museum. "HoW odd
we look without flesh," he said.
A Boston sculptor has completed
statue Of Jochabed the mother Of Moses.
The old lady, we regret TO say, is dead.
Mr.. Mustard is appointed school
teacher in Kansas 10 draw out little
boy's ideas and make 'em smart,
A Wisconsin girl hps committed SUI
eide because her hair didn't curl.
Milk is selling for one cent quart in
Minnesota. Thiu price will mol pay for
the wear and tear of a cows tail in
switching the tlies.
There are two things in this
world that are not safe to tritio with
a woman's opinionand the business end
Of wP'p.-- DaRJawy Ne,0S.
The following notice may be lon on
blacksmith shop in Essex, Massa.
chusetts: "Nu horses shod on Sunday
except sicltnc and death.
An Albanan was seriously hurt last
week by III" bursting Of beer barrel.
He says he would have much preferred
TO drink the beer and have the "burst"
ia ms own person.
A Leaven worth editor sat down in a
reserved seat already occupied by
hornet. He stands up when scissoring
his editorials now.
A Connection editor says: "Our car
ly peas came up in two days after they
werel .nted this year. Anybody's will,
if the hens are allowed to run in the
garden"
An inqui5iive Eastern man has had
his nasal organ cut Off by buzz saw.
This came OF poking his nose in other
peoples buZziucsS.
a rattlesnake wa4 recently killed IN
Georgia which, according to the local
papers, had swallowed goose as far as
the wings. That's about al far rs we
can swallow the story.
4 Pennsylvanian editor is pronounc-
cd mad because he imagines himself a
mule; but one of his cOntomporaries
thinks that the horse part of the fancy
is the only thing at all approaching an
insane delusion.
A Connecticut paper says: If that ac.
cordeon artist who so assiduously prac-
ticCs "Shoo Fly" and other classical
music, opposite this Office, will call at
the American Consul's house, Honolulu,
he will be literally rewarded.
A venerable dame in Virginia, aged SO
years, recently cut new set Of teeth.
She was splitting kindling wood, when
the teeth which were worth S60-fel
out of her mouth, and the axe dropped
on them. Her husband says it will be
great many years before she gets anoth-
er set to cut.
A lively Hoosier maiden wept when
she read how Longfellow had cut his
pastern so as to ruin him for life. She
was so fond of his poetry, she said, as
she snuflled the pearly tear drops from
her nose.
a LeavenWorth editor doesn't now
spend time watching the little busy
wasp that gathers lint in his sanctum to
make its nest. lie came in one day and
did not observe that the wasp was sit
llng IN ms chair, and consequently exc
cuted fancy dance without music.
at New Orleans recently, a man
jumped into the river with the intention
of committing suicide He, however,
changed his mind, swan ashore, and
scrambled upon dock whence he view.
ed with much interest the efforts of the
police and citizens to recover his body.
Joshua Mayhem was once lamenting
| to Douglas Jerrold some particular loss.
| IT'S all gone" said he-''all gone to
the devil" "Never mind" said Jer-
rold, c2naolingly, you'll get 1t back
when you die.'
This odd advertisement is from an
| English paper my husband is out on
a strike. He prefers that to work. He
amt any use to me. / must work to
keep the children and self. His ten shil-
| lingS goes in beer, I'll swap my huS-
| band while he's on strike for sewing
| machine"
| Alexander Duma9,peTc, was onc3 ask
ed to contribute ten francs for the fun
eral of bailif who had died in desti-
tute circumstances. "What!n eXclaim-
cd the great novelist, "ten francs for
burying bailitf! Here are one hundred
francs-bury ten bailiif5."
An editor, who was on dead-head
excursion out on the plains, lost his
pass and had to walk seventy miles be.
fore he could find man who had sulli
cient confidence in him to lend him
money to telegraph home for his wife
to sell the cook stove, and remit the
proceeds at once.
The cheerful horse fly Is said "tO gaiIy
perambulate the spinal column of Ten.
nessC hors; :, and the vocalistic mos.
quito hovers about their roosts and
frightens the lustY fowls, who mistake
them for chicken hawks"
A box containing Il black bear was
received at all express Office at San
Francisco the other day; outside was
this inscription: "Black Bare-Ef yeW
don't want to get bit, keep your fingers
out OF the craX."
The statistician OF an Eastern news.
paper avors that the flies are so good
+ natured this season that well.organ
: lied one will allow himself to be brush
f ed off ones nose eightyseven times
I and not show any temper
! A stroke OF lightning a complishet
.s the destruction of 900 gallons OF whis
a key in an Indiana town, a few days ago
but an eye witness says it was prett,
u even tusslc between the two,
=, A Western traveller writes "ln pass
ing through the burnt district OF Wis
consin, L saw no shrubs or briers any
If where, a thing | never saw before. an
% would not have believed it had no
a seen it,"
. The following rather curious item Al
l. pears in the Salt Lake City herdtd!
"a The paymester's car of the Atlanti
~ and Pacific Railway ran into hand ca
i' on Friday, at stanton, Mo. barnt
l. Jonathan was killed and severely irju
" ed.
d. A man in Detroit concluded he ha
r, smoked his pipe long enough, and ju
X before going into church, he placed 1t
his back coat-pocket. A good hre x
under way lust about the time the sc
vice did. They put him out and nc
the man is around growing because
r. hasn't any coat'tails.
A good story is told of a clergym'
r. in Massachusetts town who forgot !
| notes ON Sabbath morning, and as
was too late to send for them, he said
his audience, by way Of apology, III