The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-02-13
One of Wards Jokes.


IL lections of "Artemus Ward" tells
the following good story:
In the spring of 1860 accepted prolf'er-
ed editorial position on the Cleveland Ma
tiOnaI Democrat, and renewed my acquaint-
ance with "Artemus."
On the first evening of my arrival he
volunteered to show me around--a very de-
sirable achievement, as l was to fill the
position of city editor. He "showed me
around" so successfully that about 2
o'clock in the morning, began to feel al
most as much at home in Cleveland as
though had lived there all my days, to
say nothing of my nights. "Artemus" in
vited me to share his bed with him for the
remainder of the night, and accepted
Adjoining his room lodged young pro-
fessor of elocution, who was endeavoring to
establish a school in Cleveland. He was
just starting out in business, and was nat
urally anxious to propitiate the press.
Let's get the professor up" said Arte-
mus, "and have him recite for u.s.
| demonstrated with him, reminded him
of the lateness of the hour that wasn't
acquainted with the professor and all that,
but to no purpose.
I" He is public man," said Ward, "and
public men are glad to meet members of
the press, as restaurants are supposed to
get up warm meals, at all hours"
He gave laundering rap on the door as
he shouted:
Professor-r-rl"
"Who's there? What yer want p cried q
mulfled voice, evidently from beneath the
bedclothes, for it was bitter cold night in
February.
" 1t is Brown, of the Plain Dealer, {"
Artemus, and nudging me gently in the
ribs, he whispered; "That'n fetch him.
The power of the press in invinciblc. 1t is
the Archimedean lever which,"
His remarks were interrupted by the
opening of the door, and | could just dis
cover the dim outline of a shirted form
shivering in the doorway.
Excuse me for disturbing you, Profess
sor," said Artemus, in his blandest man
ner, "but am anxious TO introduce my
friend here, the new local of the Demo
crdt lie has heard much of you, and de-
clares positive he can't go to bed until he
hears you elocute."
81 Hears me what?" asked the professor,
between his chattering teeth. ...
" Hears you e-recite-declaim-
underestimate specimen of your elocution.
In vain did the professor plead the late
ness Of the hour, and his fire had gone out.
Artemus would accept no excuse.
" Permit me at least" urged the profcs-
sor, "to put on some clothes and light the
gas"
Not at all necessary. Eloquence, my
dear boy, is not dependent on gas. Here
STRENGTHENING up chair he had just STUN
bled over "get right up in this chair and
give us, The boy stood on the burning
deck, ," adding, in a side whisper in my
ear, "The burning deck will warm him upp'
Gently, yet firmly, did Artemus boost the
reluctant professor upon the chair, protest
ing that no apologies were necessary for his
appearance, and assuring him that CLOTHES
didn't make the man." although the shiv-
ering disciple of Demosthencs and Cicero
probably thought clothes would make a
man more. comfortable on such night M
that.
He gave us Casabanca," with good
many quayers of the voice, as he stood
quaking in a single sholt white garment;
and then followed: "On Linden, when the
Sun was Low" Sword of Bunker Hill, -
etc, "by particular request of our friend, -
as Artemus Ward said, although was too
near suiiiocated with suppressed laughter
to make even last dying request had il
been necessary. II was TOO ludicrous to
depit-the professor, an indlstinct white
object, standing on the chair "elocuting, -
as Ward had it, and we sitting on the
floor, holding our sides, while Artemns