The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1872-08-27
WHAT One MAN Knows ABOUT TLrrs

VucmSelVcS IN tue Ialae0Z0lc era, or came
out at the drift formation, is of no con.
sequence. We have the flies in abund.
ance now, and that is all-more than we
care to know. There are many families
Of flies, but the kind whereof we now
discourse is waggishly termed "the house,
hy." We view it as "the everywhere-hy."
1t is OF the sect insect. 1t disports in
the air ; perambulates the earth and
dies in the water. In has a head which
is all cerebellum-which accounts for its
Unsuitable animal propen sites. Its body
is shaped like military shell. 1t has a
miniature trunk, on elephant principles
six legs, six feet, two wings and several
thousands of eyes. Viewed by miccor-
scope, it is highly curious and interesting;
but telescope view is far preferable.
Its principal occupation is looking into
matters and things generally; but it pre-
fers to do this particularly. Hence its
thousands Of eyes. 1t has an appetite
for all devourable things Hence its
trunk. 1t is of pertinacious habits. Hence
its feet are on the suction principle. Just
what the fly was made for-why so many
were made-whenco they come or whith-
er they go-is mystery. How long
they live no philosopher has yet deter
mined. They are more numerous than
the sands Ola dozen seas, and cause more
"shotted discourse" than all other human
Affections, This is written under shadows
cast by clouds of flies and we speak
what we do know.
1t to be cursed by flies was not in the
primeval doom we feel assured that
Adam and Eve went straight from Par
adlse into a swarm of flies. Snakes may
be scared away or destroyed but flies
never Lions and tigers, and other fierce
animals, fee from the presence of man,
Flies stick to him, and follow him to the
ends, the middle and the sides, of the
earth. There is sportive manner they
have, in alighting upon ones forehead.
and cheeks, and hands, and nose that is
not merely insulting it is positively in
furiating. No arithmetical rule ever yet
laid down would estimate the number Of
whangs and expetives which have been
drawn from the race Of man by flies. 1t
is narrowing to reflect upon the amount
OF sinful and unholy condition of the hu.
man mind which has deem directly pro-
voked by this suprcmcst tormenter of our
race.
Even as we write, under the Gtful
glare FROM the midnights kerosene, three
flies are pcrched upon the mouth of our
ink bottle, smelling aud peering, with the
evident purpose TO know "all about it."
But our design in these lucubratious are
purely benevolent. Ingenuity has de-
vised ways to keep the cold out, and to
keep 1t in; to exclude the heat, and to
prevent its escape. But flies defy hu-
man skill. They come, and never leave,
until they are glacialed by the frost.
The ridiculous devices of Hy-paper, mo-
lasses shingles, and other puny pretenses,
only prove the hopelessness of all at
tempts to reduce the fly multitudes As
well catch barrel of herrings, and talk
OF thus extirpating that fnny infnitism.
as hope to escape billion Of flies by de-
stroylng pint or two Of them. They
were never made that man should subdue
them. The fly, alone, scorns and defes
his dominion. But there is a successful
way Of clearing a room of flies for the
nonce which it is our benevolent purpose
herein tn communicate This Procure
two large bed sheets, No washing is
necessary. Starch, or otherwise stiffen
the sheets thus procured stifiy, 50 that
they will give out a "crinkly" sound, like
unto fair Julia's Sunday skirts. Take
one sheet, thus procured and thus made
stiff, in each hand after having put aside
tables, chairs and all impediments to free
gymnastics and acrobatics, place yourself
at one end Of the room, commence to
whirl and thresh the stffened sheets about
in your most vigorous and energetic man.
ner, steadily advancing to the farther end
of the room; then wheel quickly, and
make your return march, continuing your
whirling and thrashing of the stiffened
sheets and thus persevere. The alright
which will pervade the breast of every
fly in that room will rejoice your heart,
strengthen your arm and inspire you
with joyous courage You will observe,
at your first wheel, that as many flies
have slipped to your rear as were at first
in front. This call for fresh whirlng
and thrashing will arouse your resolution
anew, and continue TO do so as the work
in hand progresses. Stick to your en-
deavor, if you wonld triumph and if the
door has been open the meanwhile, and
your wind holds, and your muscle is en-.
during, a. the end of half an hour or SO,
you will have the satisfaction to preceive
that dozen, or two dozen, possibly, of
the aforesaid flies will have tired Of the
sport, and retired to the adjoining prem.
ises. The remaining FIVE thousand will
evidently be sorry when the fun is over.
This is the best plan to drive flies ever
known-and is not patented, though pa.
tentable.