The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-11-29

JOSH BILLINGS.
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Scrps from q Fued Of Ftn.

PokDusK VALLEY HorEL--Bf LAWS AND
KossTrrUrIos.
Hash will be served up at this bo-
tel three times day, at tho pound
ing of the gong.
Hash made out os beef's pluck aad
sbeeps liver will be Charged extra for.
EDny man kanght sticking up hjz
roze at the hash will has biz noze
lowered suddenly.
Hash iz the fhst law OF ratur, and
this hotel viii stick tew the law OF
bust on natur.
Korn beef hash with cold sausage
in IL for Sunday dinner.
Hash made yesterday, and warmed
mp for to-day, kouH.s the same as Du
hash.
Bride parties serted with hot or
kold hash on FIVE minutes warming.
No pound kgke or other Eonsenss
allowed at this hotel
Ii this hotel understands what she
knows, and she thinks just az likely
az not she d1z, her hash kant be out
MKT by emmy other konsurn.
hours between regular bash.
5 dollars reward tew emmy man or.
woman who kan find emmy sbingle
males or shu strings IN our hash that
don't belong thare.
We invite the hash publik t0exahi-
in our mkt food, for We mean to
make our goods the hurrah and con-
solashun ov the world.
JEaEYaiAa BASss Il SoS., Props.
sEoKrfo, THE zoDIAK sgoKpIoS.
Next TO the honest hornet the skor-
pion seems tew me to be pretty much
all ded loss. / never had much faith
in emmy kicd ov kritter who vas
bilt only to bite. Scorpions do the
best in hot naberbood. IF han
shonld take all the skorpions In the
world up into the northern part oY
M Hampshire he wauld loze money
on them. They wonldn' tEaw out
tbafe in tine for bizness. i never
have seen a skorpion only In the
Zoaiak. and aint sorry for this. II
there should ever be fite in the
zodiak / hope it will be q crab and
scorpion. This would be q fte II
whftch no one would care wh7tcn
whspt. kant tell YOU just now how
the skorpion got aboard of the zodiak.
but bi loosirtg at aiz pictur I should
say he stood 2 good chances to do 1t;
one was to enter he'd fust, aud the
other waz to chsnge ends and go IN
that way.
| A bright poodle dog. dollars re-
ward, ov a warm nathr, and no qres-
tons asked, with one white foot be
hind, will be paid for his return when
he stole away, with fowins ears, or
was strayed by somebody, answers
ten Kristopher koluhmbust, with a
brass kollar, exchange papers piesze
copy, and has frantsk tale.
| FOUND.
A malteeze soprano kat, about Il
months old, singing old hundred on
a picket fence. late Thnrsda mite,
whichever person owns sed kat viii
find him Tor her, according tew cir.
cumstances) in variant lot. just bai
ov our hous, still botiful in detk.
ALSO
fouud an old blew kotting umbrel
worth nothing, in place of nu silk
one worth II dollars and fifty cents,
If the person wholost the blew knot
ting umbrel bi finding the other one,'
hasn't had time enuff yet to repent
ov his blunder, so days longer will
be granted him tew weep over the
ackcident.
| Here she iize-the cueen oy pize
| Aunt Sally Ann Won Blixen.
Apple and mince. knstard and dquinceI
She couldn't be beat in mixen.
sakrcd this spot-stir her up not
| Her grace alrlay in pi fixen;
Better, sa i. so without pi.
| Than wake up this old vixen.
FOR IMMEDIATE ApoPsHUN
A mail child, eleven months old,
we'll broke tew the bottle, Q teeth
kut, lite sunset hair, without spot or
blemish, no parents of ackouIit, hard
tew kry, don't bite, shows signs of
genius, and has had wacshinatiop.
| Enquire within.
FLASHES or WIT AND WISDOM.
Silence il one ov the lost arts.
Ridicule that amt truS has no par
tikular power.
Politness IL not only the cheapest
but the most powerful argument that
know ov.
Take all the phools aid good luck
out of this world, and it would both
er the rest of US to get living.
| 4 phools money is like his sbranes-
! vary oneazy. m
There IL this difference between o.
| jest and joke-a Jest may be krusl
but joke never IL.
Sins are the only things that I re-.
pent OF, never kould make any
thing repenting ov blunders.
i Human knowledge IL not very COM
prehensive after ALI hav seen men
i who konld kalknlate IN ekipse to a.
square inch. who kouldnt cum with
in 30 feet ov Harvesting o boss.
The owl IL remarkable for two
4 things gravity and stupidity.
4 Integrity in youth IL alutost cer ain
4 tew Bekum wisdum and Honor il. old
I age. #
j Thare aint nothing that IL s,irat
/ kure for lazyness5 Lut has known u
!, second wife tew hurry it sum.
i 1t IL the surprizes ov life after all
that give it It's zest-even ratmakes
things interesting bi the natral sud-
4 denness with which he cams out and