The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1872-01-11
S4BgB's VISIT TO SE# YORK.
BY MARK TWAIN.

As told by him in his new book en-.
titled "ROughing IT, now in press
= IL Is sample Of the good things con
tanned therein.
In Nevada there used to be current
the story of an adventure Of two o.
her nabObs, which may or may moi
have occurred. I give it for what it i.
worth:
Col. Jim had seen somewhat Of the
world, and knew more or less of its
ways; but Col. Jack was from the
back settlements of the States. had
led a life of arduous toll, and had new
er seen city. These two, blessed
with sudden wealth, projected a visit
10 New YOrk-COl. Jack to see the
sights and Col. Jim to guard his IN
sophisticatiOn from misfortune. They
reached San Francisco in the night
and sailed in the morning. Arrived
in New York, Col. Jack said:
I've Eeard tell of carriages all my
life and now I mean to have ride in
one l don't care what it costs. Come
along"
They stepped out on the sidewalk
and Col. Jim called a stylish barOuche.
But Col. Jack said:
mo, sir! None of your cheap-JOhn
/ turn-Outs for me. Pm here to have a
I good time, and money amt any OBJ
Ject. l mean to have the nObbiest rig
/ that's going. Now here comes the
very trick. Stop that yaller one with
the pictures on it-dOn't you fret-PH
stand all the expenses myself"
/ So Col. Jim stopped an empty Orn-
nibqs and they got in. Said Col.
Jack:
"Ain't it, though? Oh, no, I reck-
on not! Cushions, and windows, and
pictures, till you can't rest. What
would the boys say if they could see
us cutting a swell like this in New
York? By George, 1 wish they could
see us.n
Then he put his head out of the Win
dow, and shouted to the driver:
"Say, Johnny, this suits me suits
yours truly, you bet you! want this
shebang all day. Pm on it, old mani
Let 'em out Make 'em gol Well
make it ali right with yOu, sonny!
Inc driver passed his hand through
the strap-hOle, and tapped for his ARE
it was before the gOngs came into
common use. Col. Jack took the
hand, and shook it cordially. He
said:
''You twig me, old pardl All right
between gents. Smell of that, and see
how you like it :"
And he put a twenty dollar gold
piece in the drivers hand. After a
moment the driver said he could not
make change.
"BOther the change! Ride it out.
Put it in your pocket"
Then to Col. Jim, with a sound slap
on his thigh:
"Aiat it style, though ? Hanged if
1 don't hire this thing every day for a
The omnibus stopped, and a young
lady got in. Col. Jack stared for a
moment, then nudged Col. Jim with
his elbow:
"DOn't say a word" he whispered.
"Let her ride, if she wants to. Graci-
ious, there's room enough"
The young lady got out her porte
mOnnaie, and handed her fare to Col. |
Jack.
"What's this for?' said he.
''Give it to the driver, please"
'VTake back your money madame. !
We can't allow it. You're welcome to |
ride here as long as you please, but
this shebang's chartered, we shan't let
you pay a cent"
The girl shrunk into a corner, be-
wildered. An old lady with basket
climbed in, and profered her fare.
Excuse me-" said Col. Jack, "You |
are perfectly welcome here, madame, |
but we can't allow you to pay. Set !
right d jwn there, mum, and don't /
you be the least uneasy. Make your |
self as free as if you was in your own |
turnout"
Within two minutes, three gentle
men, two fat women and a couple of |
entered.
"Come right along, friends" said |
Col. Jack ''don't mind as. This is a |
free blowout" Then he whispered |
to Col Jim, New York amt no soci- /
able place, / don't reckon-it amt /
no name for it."
He resisted every effort to pass fares
to the driver, and made everybody |
cordially welcome. The situation .
on the people, and they peck
eted their money, and delivered them
selves up to covert enjoyment of the
episode. Half a dozen more passen-
gers entered.
ooh, there is plenty of room," said
Col. Jack. "Walk right in and make
at home. A blowout amt |
worth anything as a blowout, unless
a body has company" Then in a
to Col. Jim, ''But amt these
New Workers friendly? And amt /
they cool about it too? Icebergs amt
anywhere. reckon they'd tackle a
hearse, if it was going their way"
More passengers got in; more yet,
and still more. Both seats were filled,
and a file of men were standing up
holding on to the clats overhead
Parties with baskets and bundles were
up on the roof. Half-sup-
pressed laughter rippled up from all
sides.
''Well, for clean, cool, Out-and-Out
cheek, if this don't bang anything
that ever saw, Pm an Injun," whis-
pered Col. Jack.
A Chinaman crowded his way in.
81 weaken ~ cried Col. Jack
"Hold on, driverI Keep your seats,
ladies and gents. Just make your
selves free-everything's paid for
Driver, rustic these folks around as
long as they're a mind to go-friends |
of ours, you know. Take them ev-
and if you want more
money, come to the st. Nicholas, and /
Well make it all right. Pleasant jour
ney to you, ladies and gents; go it as
long as you please-it shan't cost you
a centri
The two comrades got out, and Col.
Jack said:
"Jimmy, it's the sociahlest place !
ever saw. The Chinaman WaltZed in /
as comfortable as anybody. If we'd |
staid awhile 1 reckon we'd had some |
niggers. By George, We'll haye to
barricade our doors tonight, or some /
of these ducks will be trying to sleep |
with u.s."