The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1872-11-08
Agriculture ~ n Fraud.

ne DsISest IENtttl VI tdftii y dREtUul-
ture. The deadliest igRas fdtaus that
ever glittered to beglllle, and dazzled'
to betray, Ii agriculture. speak
with feeling on this subject, for I've
been glitteed and beguiled and daz-
zled and destroyed BY this arch de-
ceiver.
She has made me thousand prom
ises and broken every one OF them.
She has piomiscdme summer squash
es, and the worms have eaten them
winter squashes and the bugs have de-
voured them.
She has promised me cherries, and
the curculio has stung them, and they
contain living things, uncomely totte
taste.
She has promised me Strawberries,
and the young chickens have devoured
them, and the eye cannot see them.
She has promised tomatoes, and the
old hens have encompassed them, and
the hands, cannot reach them.
No wonder Cain killed his brother.
He was tiller of the ground. The
wonder is that he didn't kill bis father
and then weep because he hadn't a
grandfather to kill. No doubt his
Early Rose potatoes, for which he had
paid Adam 81 a barrel, had been cut
down by bugs, from the headwaters of
the Euphrltes. His Pennsylvania
wheat had been winter-killed, and
wasn't worth cutting. His Norway
oats had gone to straw, and would not
Weld five pecls per acre, aud his black
Spanish watermellOns had been stolen
By boys who tore up the vines, broke
down his patent picket fence and
wrote scurrilous doggerel all over his
back gate. No wonder he felt mad
when he saw Abel whistling along
with his fine French merinoes, worth
rs i head and wool going up every
day. No wonder he wanted to kill
somebody. and thought he'd practice
OH Abel.
And Noah's getting drank was not
at all surprising. He had become
hnsbandman. He had thrown away
magnificent opportunities. He might
have Ind d monopoly nf any profess
| sion or business Had he studied med
| icine there would not have been
another within d thousand miles to
| call him 'quacka; and every family
wonld have bought u bottle of"Noah's
Compound Extract Of Gopher Wood
altl A1ti-Delnge Syrup" Asapoli-
tieian, Tie might have carried his own
ward solid, and controlled two-thirtls
of the delegates in every convention.
As Il lawyer hewould have been retain
I'd III every case tried at the Ararat
Quarter Sessions, or the old Ark High
1 Court of Admiralty.
But he threw away all these adyan-
tames and took to Agriculture. For d
long time the ground was so wet he
could raise nothing but sweet nag and
bun lnshes, aud these at last became
Il drug in the market. What wonder
that when at last he did get halfa peck
of grapes that were not stung to death
| by ,Japhet's honey bees, lle should
| have made wine and drowned his sor-
rows In Il flying bowl"
The fact isagricultllre would demor-
alize saint. was almost o saint
| when went into 1t. l'm at war with
everything. fight myself out Of bed
ut four O'Clock, when my better nature
| tells me to lie still until seven. fight
myself into the garlen to work like q
brute, when reason and instinct tell
me to stay Iii the hoslse nld enjoy my
self like a nun. fight the pigs, the
chickens, the moles. the birds, tho
bngs, the worms everything In which
II the breath Of life. fight the docks,
| the burloUks, the mulleils, the thistles,
the grapes, the weeds the ronts--the
whole vegetable kingdom. ilghtthe
frost. the heat, the rain, the hill--in
short / fight the universe, and get
whipped III every battle. have lio
more admiration to waste OH the father
Of George Washington for forgiving
the destruction of his cherry tree. A
! cherry tree Il only a cura,lio nursery
and the grandfather OF his country
knew it. | have half a dozen cherry
trees. anil the day my young George
Washington Is six years old, TIL give
him n Imtchet and tell him TO down
with every cherry tree OH the place.
4 r+ j.