River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1872-11-15
Humorous.

Humorous.
WHAT is the difference between the
Girl of the Periods seat on horseback
and her gait in walking? One is side
saddle, and the other sad side.
MAN proposes-woman opposes,
says cynical bachelor, who probably
never proposed in his life.
A PROSPEROUS merchant has for his
motto: Early to bed and early to
rise; never get tight, and ADVERTISE"
THERE Is difficulty in finding jury
when an Indian comes before an Omaha
court. One of the panel being asked
if he had any prejudice, replied: "No;
only I've been chased by 'em, been in
several battles with 'em, and would
hang every devil of 'em at sight"
On the door-post of house at West
End the following announcement APP
pears Music lessons, piano and
bass viol, from eight in the morning
until eight in the evening"" Under.
meath this: FURNISHED apartments.
We would like to lodge in that house.
You carry the Pacific mails 2" anx-
iously inquired nervous maiden lady
of the captain of an Isthmus steamer.
Yes, ma'am," the captain replied
but they are all in bags, ma'am." A
vanishing trail of dry goods was all
there was left to suggest that somebody
had made slight mistake.
ANOTHER aeronaut, of the hot-air
kind, has come to grief in Kentucky.
If a topper and quart of whisky
were left together, which would be
drunk first ?
SINGLES says the most thrilling tale
he ever listened TO was that of a rattle
snake.
"WEE," said man, looking for his
boot.jack, " L have places where keep
my things, and you ought to know it. +"
Yes, ought to know where you keep
your late hours, but don't"
If Uncle Sambo were to buy a color
ed cotton dress for his wife, Aunt Sal
ly, why would it be like street door 2
Because it would be intended for an
egress.
"HoME is the place for boys said
Spinks to his eldest pride and joy
Eyes," said the youngster, dutifully,
" 1 like to stay at home all the time,
but ma sends me off to school"
"Do BATS ever fly in the day time ~
asked teacher of his class in natural
history. eyes, sir" the boy replied.
What kind of bats ?" asked the aston
ished teacher. Brick bats 20 yelled
the boys.
"How 1 wish I could take leaf out
of your book !" said scapegrace, one
day, to his pious friend. Subsequent
events proved that that it was his
cheaue book on which the young scamp
had fixed his mental eye.
A COUNTRY girl, coming from a morn
ing walk, was told that she looked as
fresh as daisy kissed by the dew, to
which she innocently reply, you've
got my name right-Daisy but his
isn't Dew"
"WHAT's to become of me, if you
die 2" asked an affeotionate wife of her
receding husband. 81 don't know"
he snapped out, ENORMOUSLY. cit
would look better in you to be think
ing about what's to become of me -
A BALD-HEADED friend, of a heavy,
phlegmatic temperament, was accosted
on the street by wagglsh acquaint-
ance with the inquiry, :" Tom, why is
your head like Alaska 2" "Too much
for me, Zach-I give it up" Because
it is q aUhite bear place."
A MAN lately made a wager that he
had seen horse going at his greatest
speed and dog sitting on his tail, and
strange as it may seem, he won, but the
dog sat on his own tail.
"THE foliage is fast turning to
plumage," remarked sad young man,
as he gazed from window upon the
partially denuied trees. How so 2"
inquired another and sadder young
man. "Don't you see," replied tho
first, that the leaves are nearly all
down."
A ROCHESTER, boy leased his girl for
an hour to go and take lunch with
him and she at last consented. Though
not feeling hungry in the least, she
managed to get away with stew, q
plate of raw, white fish, an Ironde-
quot trout, two quail on toast, q glass
of sherry and half pound OF caramels.
Her escort left for Denver the next day.
MINNIE (aged six, to bearded papa,
who has Just returned after five years
residence in the Australian bush)- /
don't like you. You are too rough; and
/ am sorry you ever married into our
family"