Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1872-04-06
Country Taverns.
! like country taverns!
That is some of them

some Oh CneIH are SOOu ta'CiHS AoA |
man and beast. But mot good for
beast unless it had q man to care for
it. ~ zn-s.a ~ 81 y.
These country tav ems where q big |
fat man plays checkers and sleeps in
the bal room in chair beside q dog,
while his pale, back aching, sickly |
overw0rked wife picks chickens, WASH
es dishes, makes dumplings, mends
children's clothes, makes beds, sweeps
out rooms, empties slops, patches her
husbands breeches and scratches his
back for her board and two calico
dresses a year!
There is fun in stopping at some
country tayerns. ss. $1,000. -.
Where they have but one towel for
| two persons, and that towel q cotton
one.
Where the windows rattle like .
bag-full of shin bones struck by light
ming.
Where there is four-quart water
pitcher full of settling, and only a two
quart. slop vessel, and no place to emp
ty it except in the stove.
Where the curtains to the windows
we're only made by spiders, apl-all
the world can look in to see you pull
off your boots and things.
Where the pillow is soft and dim
pied like a fat baby's fist, and, if your
/ ear be not covered with a postage
stamp, the darned slimsey thing works
into your head before morning., max
ing you feel like a billy goat with the
| catarrh.
I Where the feather bed is filled with
hens heads, pigs toes, necks of pare
goric Walls, butternut-shelIs, broken
up pitcher handles, bOOt-heels, spelling
book covers, broken goose quilts, roos-
tiers tails and bits of carpet rags.
/. Where the bedstead waves to and
fro, like timothy with bumblebee
Oh the top of it, and the entire contrl-
vance squeaks and groans when you
get in, turn over or get out, like
liackass with the humps.
II Where the under sheet was chang
ed in June, and the upper one In jan
uary, all in the names OF neatnesS.
| Where the covers are few and too
short everywhere, except in the mid
4 die, and the wind blowing through a
broken glass full and furious into your
threadbear head.
Where the little stove in the corner
is full of ashes, the sap not yet out OF
!. the wood, the kindling in the barn,
and the boy to build fire not set
. hired. il
Where the landlord comes into your
room without knocking, just as you
! have your head hid in the folds OF q
night shirt, and says: "Never mind,
! it's only me - or asks if you know OF
ANYBODY who wants to buy good no.
, tel!
II Where the matches are not to he
found, and the only way to call sar
want is to throw a water-pitcher down
, stairs. break door down, cry fire, and
then take your pick from the astonish
ed folks who comes to see what Is up
Where the little slice OF soap smells
, of fish oil, SO your hands washed with
it make you think your grandfather
: was number two mackerel.
g Where there is not IA nail in thu
! room on which to hang clothes, or
: chair in which to sit while your wifi
is letting down her best back hair.
Where the only glass or tumbler II
! the room is an empty soap dish, ant
: the water for cleansing teeth is thlcl
E and ropy, like the last will and tesla
Q ment of a drunken politician.
2 Where they have rumpsteak, TO
, tcnderlOin, melted lard for gravy, SOC
n CIV potatoes and fried PORK in chunks
sailing i'm dish of grease, as raw a
q when it first came into the world.
Where the pepper-box lid drops Of
10 into your eggs, the salt is at the Othe
% end of the table, the vinegar bottl
carpeted inside with dead flies i
!. soak. and the crackers covered wit
y. periods, SO called.
m Where the pie-crust is a cross bt
IT tween tripe and juju-paste.
Where the pancakes are white as
+. soap-suds s0aped thumb, or half file
- with butter, like boys mouth wit
/ worms when he goeth forth to fish ft
70 Dallheads.
- Where the tablecloth is soiled an
spotted like a map Of the Indian A
y. chipelago, or Chinese sailor just ov'
id the smallpox.
IA Where the molasses jug has N
or been cleaned since the death OF JOh
~ Brown.
Where the piece of meat brought
N. your plate is covered with grease, lii
to a crOss-cut saw on winter mornin
bo Where the plates are colder thu
is the gable end of an ice-h0use.
hv Where the landlady pours tea wi
,;r a pipe In her mouth, and the dinin
ed room help blow their noses on Il
m. napkins. f 81
Ia Where a fire is never made VIII
to you order it.
I'd. Where you are not called till t
rk train has started, because that darn
lie boy forgot it. ~