The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1872-12-20
SeriO.COmic ItemIzing.


What relief it is to gain information
Of serious accident without any of the
horrible details that shock the senses
and curdle ones blood. What can be
more vivid than the following, and yet
we smile rather than shudder in thoughts
OF the mistaken interloper who gets
cut up:
"1he gentleman who recently pro-
ceeded TO 'clean out the editor of the
Sioux City Times has consented to post
pone operations until the doctors have
fixed half a dozen broken bones for
him, and extracted three or four bull
let's"
Is not the following brief, comprehen-
sive, and to the point;
Mrs. Swan, of Cochrane, n. Y,
lighted her fire with kerosene on Mon
day, leaving husband and one child"
OF horrible accidents how pleasant it
is to read and be left to imagine as much,
or as little, horror as you please. Here
is the whole story in nutshell and full
column of costly particulars would not
add to it
A Pennsylvania, after lighting a
match, threw it into powder keg. The
Coroners of three counties are collecting
the shreds."
Here we have conhagration done up
in style:
"John Baldwin, of Grundy county,
Iowa, owned defective flue. He doesn't
own it now. Loss, $780,"
And here is another:
"a Kansas farmer fired at some rats
under the barn and killed several.
Loss, $1,000; uninsured
Witness the following physiological
item. No exhaustive medical treatise
could express more:
4" A man in Galveston, the other day,
who complained of being over-heate1,
effected a permanent cure by drinking
six glasses of ice.water, without the aid
of physician. He was cool when the
Coroner came"
The following precautionary item tells
sad story of experience, and we may
take the lesson without a shudder:
IAN agricultural gentleman Of Den
yer, Col, who, despite his wife's warn
ing, persisted in smoking on a load of
hay the other morning, returned home
shortly afterward with his hair and eye
brows singed, and the iron work of his
wagon in potato sack"
Here is another equally good
Mr.. Collins, of Hartford, bought
terocious watchdog. Mr.. Collins came
home late that night. His wife says
that his trowsers can't be mended. The
dogs skin is for sale cheap. Mr.. Collins
hopes to be able to sit down in few
weeks
And here is chapter of agricultural
information, clear and concise, in five
lines
"A gentleman of Winooski, VT, who
recently tried solution of I've as an
antidote to cabbage worms, will not do
so again, at least not with the several
acres of cabbage plants that he expert
mented on the other day."
If We must have items of scandal pub
lished, commend Us TO the man who can
satisfy himself with calculating as fol-
lows:
A lady in Atlanta tied her husbands
hands and feet the other day, just for
fun, and then went through his peck
cts for certain billet doux, and found
it. His physician tells him that his face
won't be badly scared, though he may
: remain permanently bald"
What a chapter of dom este unrest is
brought to a climax in this bit of ro-
nance:
"a mother.in-law in Lansingburg,
New York, is trying to rid her eyes ofa
quantity of red pepper which, in some
strange way or other, came through the
key-hole other daug hter.in.law's ROOM"
Thus we see how the most serious
and painful events may be made to pre-
sent surface of comicality, and if the
lesson is conveyed all is gained. The
man who invented a sugar.coating for
nauseous pills did humane thing.