Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1872-07-11
From IIarpers Weekly
American Battle OF Dorking; or II.
q. at the White House.
BY MAX ADELER.

You ask me to tell you, my children,
Of the events which Immediately pre-
coded the destruction Of the once great
American Union, and the capture Of the
country Lv It's present European rulers,
and to say something also Of the cause
which led to these deplorablc results |
undertake the task with heavy heart,
for when revert to that terrible time |
can not help contrasting our proud con,
dltion up to that fatal yenr with the hu-
initiating position occupied now by the
American people TIE story is a short
one In the tall Of 1872 Horace Greeley,
the editor of a newspaper in Ne. York,
was elected President Of the United
states The people voted for him be,
cause they thought he was an honest
man aud so he was. But he was also
vain and weak, and he entertained Ger.
tain lnnatloai and preposterous notions
about agricultural matters, for in
stunce-which he was determined To
farce upon the people at all hazards and
despite all opposition He believed,
among other things, that every man ought
to 20 West to earn his bread; and long
before he was chosen President he used
to advise every body to move to that re-
zion as cure for all the disasters that
could betaII the human family
As soon as he reached the Executive
Mansion, which We used to call the
White House, President Greeley organ
lied an army OF two hundred thousand
men, and proceeded to force the entire
population OF the sea, board States west,
ward Mt the point OF the hayonet The
utmost violence was used. Those who
resisted were shot down, and their dead
bodies were carted off to n national fac
tory which the President bad established
for making some kind Of lanmStical fer
tljler All the large cities of the East
We're depopulated, and the towns were
empty The army swept before it mill
lions of men, women and children, until
the vast plains west OF Kansas were
reached, when the pursuit ceased, and
the army was drawn up in a continuous
/ line, with orders to shoot any pcrscn
WHO attempted to visit the East Oh
course hundreds Of thousands of these
poor creatures persisted from starvation
This seemed te brighten President Gree ,
ley, and he sent "A message to Congress
recommending that seven hundred thous-
and volumes OF Il book OF his, entitled
What Know ahout Farming should
be voted Tor the relief of the starving
sufferers This was done, and farming
implements and seeds were supplied, and
/ then the millions OF wretcheu outcaSts
made an effort to till the ground OF the
result OF this | viii speuk further on.
la the mean time the President was
doing infinite harm ia the country. in
another way His handwriting was SO
lcnrtuIIy and wonderfully bad that no
I living man could read it. And so, when
he sent his first annual message to Cons
/ .ress--thr documenC was devoted wholiy
to the tariff and agriculture--u scn.cnce
appeared which subsequently was aScer>
tanned to be, Large cultivation OF ruta-
bagus and beans is the only hope Of the
American nation, | am sure The
printers, not being able to interpret this,
put 1t III the following form, in which il
went t. the world The Gar of Rus
STA couldn't keep clean if he washed
/ himself with the whole Atlantic Ocean
once a day This peryerslon ct the
message WAS Immediately tclegraphed TO
RUSSIA bv the Russian minister, and the
Gear was SO indignant that he immedi>
utely declared war lust at this time
Pre>jdcat Greeley undertook to write
some letters to Prince Bismarck upon
the subject of potato rot, and, after gjy,