The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-03-15
sCIssoRrNGs.


SCISSORTNGS.
The CRATE game now-poker.
A put-np job-an auction.
Indian Reservations-scalps.
An inn-vocation-tending bar.
Coming to grief-meeting trouble
half way.
Preferred creditors those who
don't dun.
The vegetable for hangmen-the
artichoke.
Crinoline has been adopted by tie
Madagascar queen.
An ~irreverent butcher styles his
shop a Westinghouse.
Noon-day weddings. Englisnh ia h
ion, will be in order next season.
When may a man be said to be a
book? When he is t home (tome).
Mrs. Conway is the contractor on a
section of the Western Maryland raul
road.
Truth is as impossible to be soiled
by any outward touch as the sun
beam.
A Georgia eirlgently bitherswain's
arm, and was shot in the knee by his
revolver.
Four bellies of New York are said
to be engaged to as many Ensiisl
noblemen.
Let every minister remember while
he Is preaching that Tod makes one
of his hearers.
An Evansville schoolboy defined n
lady to be 'growed-u pgirl-doesn't
cuss nor swear"
A seSen-year old boy at Greenbush,
Canada, stabbed his father with a
fork while being spanked.
A Disguised youth in Nashville
advertises his girl as q liar. because
she broke the engagement.
4 woman lecturer opposes the CO.
education OF the sexes, because sit
is not safe to held fire to fax"
"What is -home without amother9"
as the idle daughter said when she
sent the cid lady out to chop wood.
Is this a temperance movement?
Miss Tenay Grogg has been APP
pointed Postmistress at Bradford,
Va.
Seven young ladies from Oregon
have just entered their names as stu
dents at the Boston Conversatory of
Music.
You talk of your troubles" said
the oyster to the fisherman, "but
your case don't begin to be as hard
as mine"
lyon seem to walk more erect
than usual my friend" Yes, /
have been Strengthened by circum-
stances"
A Young lady writes to a friend:
"AIiss Smith is stayi G with US. We
went out sailing yesterday. | didn't
know there was SO much in her"
Mary had a la, e corn
That gr W upon her toe;
AMI everywhere taat Mary went
Tn corn WAS sur. u 20.
care you good at riding on horse
back, Judge?" No" said His Hon.
or, Il never backed but ne horse in
my life, aud that was into a shop
window"
Girls are advised not 10 smile mu.h
In the face of the man they desire TO
Sc :ure. A little pretense of quiet
sadness will do the business more ex
peditiously.
How did you learn that graceful
attitude?' asked a gentleman of a feI-
low leaning in a maudlin way agains.
a post. 1--WE been practicing at the
glass" vas the reply.
MAY it please your Honor" ex-
claimed a juryman, Il am deafin one
ear. "Then you may be excused, as
it is Necessary for a juror to hear both
sides" said the Judge.
A society of women has been or
ganized in Ncraay who advocate eel
ibacy. They can see no fun in mar
riage, but proposes to nave st. Valen-
tines day once a year.
A New Orleans young man recently
stole a young lady from a North Car
DINA school and married her. She
had been placed there SO that she
would be out of his way.
every tree is subject to disease
said a speaker in a Fruit rowers
Convention. "What ailment car
you find on an oak?" asked the chair
man. .'A-corn," was the triumphant
reply.
Enraged parent-etDid you throw
the half-brick at random!" Weeping
boy-.'No; I threw it atJohnny Will
Jams" s'And did you strike hia OF
purpose?" mo; I struck him ON tn,
nose"
The free-thinking Lucy: "Do 20,
know, May, sometimes, when I hur
myself, the place gets well wivou
nobody never kissih' it?" The Faith
Jul May: 81 don't beyeye you
Yucy."
A precious boy in a public schoo
out West who stands high In geogra
ply, was recently asked by his teach
err where Africa was located. Ell
promptly answered.: "All over tn,
United States"
A gentleman having just lost hi
wife visited a friend, and being asket
how long he would remain in town
answered: ooh, for about a fort
nirht-lnno enough to snend fh,