The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1872-06-07
Varieties.

LAWYER at his Othce, IN which there was,
at the same time, blazing fire, which
led him TO exclaim Mr.. -, your
Office is as hot as any oven" +" So il
should be, my lord, replied the lawyer,
I" as it is here that ! make my bread"
SEVERAL people who have answered
an advertisement promising " correct
likeness of yourself, and your fortune
told" for fifty cents, have received a
three.cent mirror, and informed that
they can tell their own fortune by count
ing their money.
THERE is an Englishman in New York
called Capt. Lahrbush, who has been
popularity supposed to be LOG years old.
The English papers took up his pen
gree, and viii tied him down first 10
100, then to 90, and then 10 SO. The
Detroit Tribune remarks that If they
keep on this way they will give the old
man good chance to die in his infancy.
"ARE the pictures which you brought
from Italy all landscapes p said an
aatist one day to Mrs. Boffin. a" Lor'
bless you, no" replied the indignant
lady, they're lie paintin
A SEwsBoY having been garroted and
robbed in Jacksonville, H., the Chicago
Tines says that highwaymen will be at
lacking reporters, soon, az those gentle
men stand next below newsboys in the
scale of Journalistic opulence.
"ARE you not alarmed tthe approach
of the King of Terrors p said minister
to a sick man. "Oh, no; / have been
living six and thirty years with the queen
of terrors--the king cannot be much
worse.
A MAN who went TO the Hartford
menagerie the other day, remarked 10
person standing near How ! would
love TO see one of those noble animals"
meaning the tigers, roaming the
forests How quick ! would get up
tree ~ The man meant just what he
said
DURING the war. an Irishman who
was posted with a musket on duty, and
had wandered little out of his position,
was accosted by an officer with, "What
are you here for ~ Faith, your honor
said Pat, with his accustomed grin Of
good humor, "they told m, am here
for century"
A GENTLEMAN named Dunlop remarked
that he had never heard his name
punned upon, and did not believe it
could be done. "There is nothing in
the world more easy, sir, remarked
a punster. "Just Top off half the name
and it is Dun"
A ERwLY-marrieS gentleman and ledy
riding in a chaise were unfortunately
overturned. A person coming to their
assistance observed it was a very shock.
ing sight. every shocking, indeed"
replied the gentleman, :" to see a,newly.
married couple fall out so soon."
"WnES I get you in st. Louis, III
kill you," SAID aTexan desperate TO
cattle drover at Abilene. Why not
kill me here ?" Because they'd hang
me here but in st. Louis they'd think
l was insane, and let me 60"
A PHILosoPHIcAL Kentuckyian who
was the enyied possesssr OF one shirt,
while lying in bed awaiting its reourn
from the line where it was tapping in
solitary grandeur, was started by an ex-
clamation from the better half Of his
bosom, to the effect that the calf had
eaten it," To this he replied, with an
equanimity worthy of better cause:
Them who has must lose.'
Two neighbors living in Westminster
county had a long and envenomed liti.
CATION about a small spring, which they
both claimed. The Judge wearied out
with the case, at last said: "What is
the use of making so much fuss about
little water ?" Your Honor will
see the use of it," replied one of the
lawyers, "when | inform you that the
parties are both milkmen ~ The roar
Of laughter which followed, proved that
the entire audience saw the point.
An Irishman in Paducah was fined in
the City Court for some slight offence,
and demanded a receipt for the money.
On being asked by the marshal why he
made such an unusual demand, he re.
piled, Sure, when | die and presint
myself to st. Peter at the gate of heaven,
he will ask me; Pat K-have
yees paid all yer debts? OF course I'll
say yes, yer Reverence Then he
might say Where's the racaits p
and if didn't have yees racait for this
same, I'd have to 90 to yees in HI to
get it," He didn't get the receipt.
The question at country tea-party
turning on the Improperly of mixing
up Il cake with pinch of snuff in the
fingers, lad remarked that he had seen
his mother do ii, and never drop bit
of snuff. Why, my son." said the
lady," chow can you lie sop We'll,
mother" he replied, maybe you did
drop just little"
BEEcHER, in the course of his sermon,
last Sunday morning, referred TO other
sects, and to the temptation he was
often under to publicly assail and con-
denim their peculiar sentiments. Said
he: How could now give a blow to the
Armenians." A stranger-doubtless a
good Methodist brother, in the gallery
promptly said, in loud voice, Try
it them Mr.. Beecher as promptly re-
piled, ~ love you roo we'll"
Three Things.
Three things to love: courage, gen.