Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-02-23
Mark Twain's First Lecture.

Mark Twain's First Lecture.
was home again, in San Fran
cisco, without means and without
employment. l tortured my brain
for a saving scheme of some kind,
and at last public lecture occurred
te me! Is,t down and wrote one in
4 fever of anticipation. l showed
it to several friends, but they all
shook their heads. They said
nobody would come to hear me, and
l would make a humiliating failure
Of it. They said that as had never
spoken in public l would break
down in the delivery, anyhow. l
was disconsolate now. But at last
an editor slapped me on the back
and told me to "go ahead" He
said, 'Take the largest house in
town, and charge dollar q ticket"
The audacity Of the proposition was
charming; it seemed fraught with
practical worldly wisdom, however.
The proprietor of the several thea
tres endorsed the advice, and said
l might have his handsome new
opera house at half price-fifty
dollars. In sheer desperation I
took it-on credit, for sufficient rea-
sons. III three days did hundred
and fifty dollars worth Of printing
and advertising, and was the most
distressed and frightened creature
On the Pacific coast. l could not
sleep-who could under such cir
cu,nstances? For other people
there was righteousness in the line
Of my posters, but to me it was
plaintive with pang when wrote
it:
"Doors open at u o'clock. he
trouble will begin at 81
That line has done good service
since. have seen it appended to
newspaper advertisement, remind
ing school pupils in vacation what
time next term would begin. AS
those three days of suspense drag
ged by | grew more and more un-
happy, I had sold two hundred
tickets among my personal friends,
but l feared they might not come.
My lecture, which had seemed
Humorous" to me at first, grew
steadily more and more dreary, till
not vestigc of fun seemed left, and
/ gricved that l could not bring
coffin on the stage and turn the
thing into a funeral. l was so
panic STRICKEN at last that went to
three old friends, giants in stature,
cordial by nature, and stormy-voiced
and said:
''This thing is going to be fail
ure; the jokes in it are so dim that
nobody will ever see then would
like to have you sit i'll the parquette
and help me through" @
They said they would. Then l
went to the wife of popular citizen
and said that if she was willing to
do me Il very great kindness would
be glad if she and her husband
would sit prominently in the left
hand stagcbox, where the whole
house could see them. l explained
that / should need help, and would
turn towards her and smile, as a
signal, when l had been delivered
of an obscure jokc-"and thcn,"
l answered, "don't wait to investi-
gate, but respond"
She promised. Down the street
l met man ! had never seen be-
fore. He had been drinking, and
was beaming with smiles and good
nature. He said:
"My name is Sawyer. You don't
know me, but that don't matter. l
haven't got cent, but if you knew
how bad l wanted to laugh, you'd
give me n ticket. Come, now, what
do you say?" .a
Is your laugh hung on u hair
trigger?-that is, is it critical, or can
it get off casy?"
X Ny drawling in6rmity of speech
so affected him that he laughed D
specimen or two that struck ME as
being about the article l wanted,
and gave him ticket, and APP
pointed him to sit in the second
circle in the center and be respon-
sible for that division Of the house.
l gave him minute instructions
about how to detect indistinct Jokes
and then went away and left him
chuckling placidly over the novelty
of the idea. ''''
l ate nothing on the last three
eventful days-I only suffered. I
had advertised that on the third
day the Office would be opened for
the sale Of reserved seats. crept
down to the theatre at in the after
noon to see if any sales had been
made. The ticketsellcr was gone,
the box. Office was locked up. l had
to swallow suddenly or my heart
would have got out. "No sales," l
said to myself. Imight have known.
it. thought of suicide, prctented
illness, fight. I thought Of these
things in earnest, for l was very mis-
cradle and scared. But of course l
had to drive them away, and pre-
pare to meet my fate. 1 could not
wait Tor half-past Z; ! wanted to
face the horror and end 1.-THE feel
ing of many man doomed to be