The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1872-08-28
Poking Fun at a Railroad.

MIR. Derrick DOod writes az follows
to the Washington Capital about the
branch railroad between Baltimore
and the Capital:
But about this railroad. OF course
want it abolished, every one does. The
reckless velocity with which the trains
are run between here and Baltimore, is
absolutely frightful. l was delighted
years ago when this road was estab-
lished, because | thought we had got
rid Of the old rickety and dangerous
ly fast stage coaches, but the speed
they are beginning to run the trains
on this road is worse yet Now, every
one knows that Baltimore is forty
miles from Washington, if it is an
inch, and three days and half is
plenty quick enough for the trip, but
the managers have already reduced
the schedule time to three days and
four hours, and what with making the
engine fires too hot, and racing with
cows along the road, and all that, the
conductors are even cutting that time
down.
Why it was only the other day, Oh
the down trip, we happened to spy
Simn's old mule about two miles out of
town. What should the reckless wretch
Of an engineer do but clap on full
steam and race every foot of the way
into the district We didn't exactly
pass the mule, but we caught up with
him twice, and came into the depot
neck and neck-and which was putting
the most, the mule or the engine, you
couldn't have told to save your life.
Now it was all very exciting, and all
that, | know, but hadn't purchased
an accident ticket, and l don't believe
the other four passengers had either.
This is all wrong, Mr.. Editor, all
wrong.
And then on another occasion, re-
member, we came within a hairs
breadth of having a very serious acci-
dent. The engineer had gotten off to
SNOWFALL chipmunk, and the conduc-
tor was minding n young widows baby
for her-the result was the train hap
pened to get on down grade and we
started off at terrific rate, every bit
of four miles an hour, l should think
We were Just half mile above the
Annapolis junction, and the first thing
we knew-there being no whistle to
wake up the switch -tender-we were
turned off into the Annapolis road
and went down the track at full speed.
Imagine our CONSERVATION, when Just
at this moment we heard the whistle,
not a half mile ahead of us of the
Annapolis up train. We were para
lyzed with terror. Here were two
trains on the same track approaching
each other at the dizzy speed just
mentioned. Evidently our time had
come! In few short hours the en-
gines would meet, and then-destrlc-
ton! With great presence of mind, a
minister on board organized a prayer
meeting. Pale but calm the doomed
band of passengers sat, and though
with the very shadow of death upon
them, raised their voices in parting
hymn.
"Send for the baggage MASTER" said
a young man with Il sad smile.
"Why?" was asked.
Because we are all about to pass
in our checks"
Everybody wept. From the rear
platform we could see the miserable
engineer straining every nerve to catch
up, but he had tight boots on and
didn't gain anything to speak of
At this moment ray of hope
dawned upon us. l had just finished
writing my will on the back of vis-
iting card, when l observed young
lady in the act of detaching her hustle.
Placing the article-which was COM
posed of eight hundred Capitals and a
hair mattress-under her arm, the
heroine marched through the car. We
followed her anxiously.
She climbed up on the tender and
then over the engine. 1t was very in
teresting and thrilling to see her climb
ing over the wheels and brass things
on her way to the cow catcher. 1t re-
minded me of a country girl getting
over wire fence. But never mind
about that now. Let me see where
was. Oh! yes-on the cow-catcher.
Holding on by the cross bars with one
hand, the noble maiden tied the hustle
on the sharp PROV with the other.
You can guess the result. In the
course Of the afternoon the collision
came off. Protected by the hustle,
the engine received gentle bump,
and we were saved
| took up collection for the wo-
man on the spot. l always take up a
collection on such ccasions-always.
There is nothing mean about me.
suppose you have noticed my clothes