The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1872-08-23
From the Fat Contributor.
Mrs. Sparkins' Return 10 Worldly
Affairs.

Horatio Thomas Sparkins is one Of
the bright and shining lights in the
mercantile community Of the Queen
City. He attends closely to business
during the week, attends church twice a
day on Sundays, subscribes literally to
the Relief Union, Bethel Cause and
other public charities, and reads the
acknowledgment OF the same in the
morning papers with great satisfaction.
Although on the shady side Of forty, he
is in an excellent state Of preservation,
dresses very neatly, and is withal some'
thing of dandy in regard to his per-
sonal appearance.
He has two great troubles in life. His
first and greatest is his better half. Mrs.
S. is tall, angular. not at all good look
ipg-a great shrew, and OF very jeal-
ous disposition-so much 80 that Spar
kins is very sorry to enter his OVID
house, and exceedingly glad to get out
of it. His second trouble is that he is
partially bad. He tries to hide this
defect by skillful manipulation OF his
back hair, but is not very successful in
the effort.
Horatio has been very fortunate in
accumulating a plentiful store Of world
" goods, and lives in an elegant resi-
dence in the West End. At the time
of which we write his family consisted
of himself, Mrs. s., and her cousin,
Pretty Polly Perkins.
Mrs. Sparkins lay upon her death
bed
So said the doctor-and doctors are
generally allowed to be judges in such
matters; besides, DR.. Muddlepate is a
professor OF the medical college, lives
10 stone front house in fashionable
locality, and has an extensive practice
among the bon ton OF the city-raison
de plus.
"Is there no hope, doctor?" said
Polly Perkins.
lis there no hope?" said Horatio
Thomas.
Being the lady's husband, he spoke
last, of course.
The doctor looked at the disconsolste
widower in posse, drew forth his watch
and silently indicating the hour o.
twelve, he solemnly shook his head.
81 am very sorry to hear it" ejacu-
lated Sparkins.
"Alas, my poor cousin" sobbed
Polly.
As an impartial historian, truth com.
pels us to say that Horatio neither
sobbed nor sighed, his griet was too
deep seated for such outward manifesto
tions.
And how long, doctor? the
afflicted husband could not finish the
sentence. The doctor again pointed to
his watch and shook his head The
eye of the patient wsxed DINNER and
the rattling in the throat increased.
DR.. Muddlepate intimated that his mis-
sion was at an end, and looking as wise
and solemn as an owl at midday, he
majesticslly left the house.
Left alone with his departing wife and
her cousin Polly, Horatio stood pen
sively at the foot OF the he'd. The
shaded gsslight threw dark shadow
on his care-furrowed face, while it
lighted up the bald patch on his head,
and brought it out in strong relief.
"She was 80 good, 90 kind and so
pious," sobbed Polly.
$50 amiable, 90 humble, and such a
good manager" said Spsrkins.
A low moan from the subject OF their
eulogies showed that they were not
altogether lost upon her, and that her
parting spirit rejoiced in the testimonial
TO her virtues.
"She was too good for earth, and
did not deserve her. but she ia going
now, and where shall get such an
other p CALCULATED he.
"Not in all this city-tbat is, Just
such another sobbed Polly, as she
moved closer to him.
"What is to become Of my house and
what is TO become of me, Polly -
there was pathoe in bis tones, and q
solitary tear trickled down his nose.
"Tll Jump off the suspension bridge and
drown myself" bpt when he thought
Of the ice and the cold water be ap.
peared undecided. and his eyes roaming
| 9loomily around the apartment, could