Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1872-08-17
SPLINTERS.A

How to prevent fits-buy ready
made. boots. - II TTRT ~
What is the perfection of politeness
Offering "a standing joke seat.
What state is high in the middl,
and round at both endsi Ohio
Why is milk like the treadnill
Because it strengthens the calves.
Old maids are fond of pairs,> but
cannot endure.any reference to dates
The greatest curiosity in the world
has at last been found out. 1t is a wO
mans.
Fashionable young Indies, like let
teis, require stamps, or the males re
.ject them.
Sheriff-s officers are good-natured
fellows, aiter'a all: they're always hap.
py to serve you. L8ia
why is y heartless kiss like II city
stage on u cold dayi Because it's a
has With no warmth in it.
WHY are shipcarpcuters the most
iInpolite of menf Because they are
several days makinga bow.
Why is the letter G. like gentle.
man who has left an evening party ,
Because it makes one gone.
Ii is sweet To have friends yon can
trust, and convenient to have friends
who are not afraid 70 trust You.
What is that which in ever before
us, can never be seen, and yet AL are
locking towards iti To-morruw. y
a Western doctor lately advertised
that for more convenience he had re-
moved opposite the church-yard,
A sailor who has scar whic is the
result OF a dispute Oh shore many
years ago, refers TO it as ajI old land
mark. ~ ~
Mamma said little boy who had
hepn sent tO dry towel before the
fire." asker her il it WAS done when
it got brown ~ ga flAaF
4 gentleman who was bnying a
watch, to replace one that had been
stolen from him, remarked that he
was making up for lost time"
A man who assisted to empty seve.
raj bottles of wine, afterwards took "a
walk The pavenents were quite icy,
and he exclaimed: "Vrry singul' r;
wh-whenever water freezes, it always
freezes with the slippery side mp"
A few years ago atat ,lriu,kard ac,
cOsted Sol Sharpe, then a Senator, for
some position saying, '.DUn't you re-
member me. | used to be page n
"Well,n responded Sol, "you have
grown irta Il volume aS
a gr0,er ras complaining that sew.
erai boxes %! candles had been stolen
from liinI OF (which heyreuhla get no
tlTict--NiieI A customer advised him
10 be pfgood cheer. us the, candies
woUla ynIoabtedly soDn come tq light.
a countryman attending the Texas
state fair walked over n slab of mar
hle i'll the pa ement on which WAS cut
the name OF the owner of the store
near by, and inquired if in Houston
they buried folks under the side walk.
He thought it was an epiiaph. 4aaf
a newly married gentleman aud Ia
dy riding in a chaise were unfortunate
~ overturned. A person coming to
their assistance observed it was very
shocking sight "Very shocking in
deed replied the gentleman, "to see
a newly-married couple fall OUT SO
soon"
4 young man went into florists
store the other day to buy II rosebud
for his atlianced. Seventy five tsuts
WAS the price asked. Z" VIII it keep Z"
iieiIipd the young man. "Oh, sesN a
long wniie" "Then you may keep
it," Exit yOung man.
\ quaint Old gentleman, of nm ac-
tive, stirring disposition, had ma,r
10 work in his garden vino WAS quit,.
tn. reverse. "Jones," said he, 8. did
you ever see a snail - Certainly"
said Jones' $ Then. said the old man,
= YOU must have met him, Tor yol aev-
er could overtake him"
There is a young lady in Milford
who has been taking music lessons on
the piano for some eight years. The
0Ihe. day she seIt an order to Il music.
store in New Haven, and tearing her
spelling might not I've just right. added
this postscript. "Yon must exkcws
this letter, as | pla hi noat butt spell
bi ere
\ Pennsylvania editor, in arknowl'
tdging he gift OF peck of potatoes.
says: . 1t is Kindness like this that
brings tears to our eyes. One peek oi
potatoes makes the whole world omr
Kin. We have trusted ia progi,iprH.
and this is orr reward. We would
like n little kindiing wood >and some
good turnips, bnt that wonld m ask
ing too much. 80 we Will Try to do
tri ~ l..uf than.