Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-11-22
HuMOr.


To boil tongue-Drink scaldiug coffee.
Mocking- birds-Lean chickens for dir
ner.
What does man see in the wild, wild
waves? Sea foam.
No moose is good news, as the man said
when he was reprieved.
If Bedouin should loose his teeth,
would he talk gum arabic !?
If you court young woman, and you are
won and she is won, you will both be one.
"Transactions in Hair" is the heading
given by a Detroit editor to an account of
street fight.
"What's in a dress r. says a popular
writer. Sometimes great deal, and some
times precious little.
A furniture man is said to be the LATEST
member of society, because be keeps chairs
and lounges about all day.
A grave yard inscription in Kentucky
reads thus: "Poor 10, his head is level
now if it never was before"
"Little girl thood be theen and not
heard lisped three year old. when asked
The depreciatory term, "No great
shakes" is Of Western origin, and was first
applied to inferior cases of ague.
A man in Boston is so short that when
he is ill he don't know whether he has got
the headache or troublesome corns.
It is suggested that when babies are ia
ken to the theatre they should be checked
and left at the doors, the same as UNI
brellas.
A Western paper accuses contemporary
of ''dirty meanness,' and frankly adds:
"We want him to understand that two can
play at that game"
"How one thing brings up another" said
lady, absorbed in pleasing retrospection
EYES," replied the practical Dibbs !; ian
emesic for instance.
"Arthur" said geod-natured father to
his young hopeful" Il did not know till to-
day that you had been whipped !; "why, I
knew it all the time"
A lady asked an up town gentleman, " no
was suffering from influenza, ely dear sir,
what do you use for cold p Give hand
kerchiefs day, madam"
Here is the heading of one of the Canton
(Mass papers, introducing sensational
article "a carousal, an epistle, cowhide,
a pistol and skedaddle.'
A Kansas paper tells about man who
attempted to steal public road, which ran
through his farm. One Of the plainest cases
Of highway robbery we ever heard of.
OF a misery man who died of softening
of the brain, local paper says: Ellis head
gave way, but his hand never did His
brain softened, but bis heart couldn't.
A Western paper chronicles the hanging
of a horse thief, thus "Mr. Jim Clemen.
ton, equine abductor, Of Minnesota, was
lately the victim Of necktie sociable"
A young fortune-hunter surprised biz
friends by announcing that he was going
into agriculture, and should commence his
husbandry by removing weeds-soms rich
and lovely widows weeds.
Not particular-A man who appliad h
one of our citizens for help for his destitute
children, on being asked what he needed
said he was not particular IF he couldn't
get bread ho would take tobacco"
The eagerness with which the Hindoo
devotee prostrates himself before the car of
Juggerrant is nothing to the anxiety which
the average American boy displays to have
himself run over by heavy wagon
Mrs. Brown: "Why. Mary, my love,
why are you in mourning ~ Mary "I'm
not in mourning, Mrs Brown, but as the
widows are getting all the offers nowadays
we poor girls have to resort to artifce."
An enterprising Delaware peach grower
has sent a present of choice peaches to
Queen Victoria. He is now watching eve
ry express for a gold snuff bog, or some
equally graceful and remunerative token.
"Come, Bob, get up" said an indulgent
father to his hopeful son. the other morning
Remember the early bird catches the
worm"
.sWhat do I care for worms !" replied
the young hopeful mother won't let me
go fishing"
The California reporters are interviewing
an African salamander who ticks red-hot po-
kers, dances on red-hot plates, and drinks
Cincinnati whisky without vince. The
missionaries don't know how to attack him.
., Tho y,rosnects of free ranoa in fro ord