Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1872-06-06
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
DEAD LoCKs-False curls.
Observation-Disclosures.

OF WHAT TRADE is THE SUN? A tan
ner, to be sure.
THE CoNJUNcTIvE MooD-Thoughts of
matrimony.
THE SPENDTHRIFT's PRAYER" Leave
me a-loan, will you?
WHAT is taken from you before you get
it9 Your photograph
Music is the food of love-beef and
mutton that of matrimony.
! WITH what musical instrument would
you catch fish Cast-a-net.
In New Hampshire they call elope-
ments suicide. He sued and she sighed.
THE New York Mercantile Library
has 49,, 900 volumes and 10, 900 members.
THERE are only eighteen left of the old
soldiers who fought under the first Ma
poleon.
| A DUMB MAN recently went to law
with deaf man. The latter, of course,
was the deaf endant.
WHERE is money first mentioned in
the Bible When the dove brought the
green back to Noah.
IT will require ten toEs of white lead
to paint the outside of Gilmore's Coliseum
in Boston.
JONES says he always gives Mrs. Jones
her way, because it's the only thing he
has to give her.
A MINISTER at an eating house gave the
order, "Roast beef, well done, thou good
and faithful servant"
WHY is Salt Lake City like an orphan
asylum Because there are so many
Young children there.
THREE HUNDRED bales of pressed moss
were shipped north from Jacksonville,
Fla, by one firm, recently.
THE old Metairie race-course at New
| Orleans is to be converted into ce-metai-
rie for the corses of the human race.
| WHO was the straightest man mention
ed in the Bible Joseph-because Pha
raoh made ruler of him.
| If there is really delightfully."- refresh
| ing sight on this earth, it is a newly mar
ried man sliding toward home with his
| first washboard.
SINCE ladies have taken to wearing
| newspapers for bustles, publishers COM
| plain that their fair subscribers are more
| in "arrears" than ever.
THE Mariposa man who lost his ear in
| fight, and afterward had it replaced
wrong end up, is obliged to stand on his
head to hear straight.
Four THOUSAND DOLLARS conscience
| AiOhSy Wao 1CCC1NCo NY IAC OullCu OGdtcS
| Treasurer, recently, from a naturalized
citizen who has gone back to Europe to
reside.
The pun fend is again on the war-path.
Here is his latest effort: ''Why is an egg
produced this month like a native of Ma
lacca? Because it's May-lay."
A SERVANT at a party, to whom his
master was calling impatiently to fetch
this, fetch that, answered: "S1r, every
thing ye have in the warruld is on the
table"
| 81 don't mean to reflect on you," said
a coarse, would be wit to man whom he
had insulted ''No," was the reply,
"you're not polished enough to reflect
upon anybody"
A PITTSBURGH man petitions for a di-
vorce on the ground that for several
years his wife has thrown butcher-knives
at him, spit in his face, struck him, and
locked him out.
81 DON'T care much about the bugs"
said Warmley, to the head of genteel
boarding house, ''but the fact is, madam,
l haven't the blood to spare; you see that
yourself"
THE oldest postmaster in the United
States is John Seiherling, of Lynnville,
Lehigh County. Pa, who has held his
office continuously since February 2, 1920
-ffty-two years and quarter.
A LITTLE BOY in Danbury asked lady
friend of his mothers who made her
teeth: she replied "God." "Well," re-
marked the young hopeful, CDR Mercer
made mothers, and they beat yours by a
darned sight,
WHEN Bryant, the poet, was in Mexico
recently, he met an American lady, and
after the Introduction she said to a friend:
Everybody in New York knows Mr..
Bryant, and they all go to hear his min
strels sing"
A PARTY in Pontiac, Mich, out rowing
on recent Sunday, was too heavy for
drowned A local paper thereupon re-
marks: Remember the Sabbath day and
keep it holy, and don't overload your
boats.
THERE is an old lady in Jersey City
whose son is a lamplighter, and as he is
sick just now, she shoulders the ladder
and makes the rounds herself as promptly
as he could do it.
A MINISTER asked little boy who had
been converted, 'Does not the devil tell
you that you are not Christian?" eyes,
sometimes" ''Well, what do you say to
him?" 81 tell him." replied the boy.
"that whether l am or not, it's none of
his business"
A CALIFORNIA paper reports that hotel
chamber-maid laid aside her broom few
days ago, and on calling for settlement,
told her employer she had been dabbling
IN stocks for a year or more, and had
something more than 100000 as the re-
suit
A PRISONER arraigned before Recorder
in New Orleans was told: 81 really dom t
know whether l had better fine you one
or ten dollars; what's your idea about it 90
Prisoner.-''Your Honor, all I have to
plead is that you will not set down aught
in malice
A NEW YORK paper says: "Three hun
dred and fifty murders last year, and but
the law. He, poor Jack Reynolds, half
witted, without money or friends, was
hung as an awful example,
| AMONG the births recorded in New
York paper we find the following
"RAFTER-In this city, April 26, daugh-
ter to Count Thomas Rafter, the eminent
tonsorial artist (price fifteen cents, in
Guiding Rafter's hair tonic) of Leggetts s
Hotel"
A FEW days ago the South Carolina In.
sane Asylum, at Columbia, in which there
were 295 patients at the date of the last
report, was absolutely without provisions,
and the Superintendent was indebted to
the charity of private citizen for the
means of feeding the afflicted creatures
under his charge.
A YOUNG man who had come into pos.
session of large fortune by the death OF
his brother, was asked how he was getting
along. "Oh," said he, &C I am having a
dreadful time. What with getting out
letters of administration and attending a
probate court and settling claims, l some
times wish he hadn't died"
| FARMER GARRETsoN, of Cape May
County, N. j., thinks he has discovered
Capt. Kidd's treasures. While digging
bitches on his farm near Fishing creek
he says he found chest of gold coin
valued at $4,000 1t is said that Capt
kidd's name was painted upon the chest
| That farm iS hound fo ha fhorou rb1 h