Connecticut western news., 1872-11-08
ss Eli Perkins.

Eli Perkins, the new humorist and author of "Saratoga in 1901 promises to be a second " Artemus Ward" He has recently lectured in the Academy of Music in Philadelphia and in the hall of the Y. M. c. A. in New York, and Tn both, places he convulsed his hearers with laughter. His plan seems to be to satirize and completely use up humbug by kind of mock defense. At the end the humbug falls to the ground amid the applause of the audience.
 For example in New York Eli defend ed Irish and Cuban patriotism thus :-
 Patriotism is always noble. Poor down -trodden Ireland!
 The other day I met the noble Irish patriots who groan and suffer beneath the giant heel of British oppression-at De -l-m-o -n-i-c-o-'-s (cheers.) These poor down-trodden patriots met to eat some venison and few canvas-back ducks, and talk and mourn about the tyrant heel of despotic England. They also had green seal-$7 per seal.
 They were very sad!
 "How is the patriotic cause?-why those sighs, Segnior McFlannigan?" I asked.
 referred to the tyrant heel business in Ireland.
 70, MT. Perkins, we are broken heart ed-miserable! We are still fettered by the shackles, and we still groan beneath the heel of British oppression. O, will you not 1oia in sympathy with us, Mr. Perkins?"
 I told him I would. Sez I, 'T don't mind being ground under the tyrant's heel little provided there is green seal enough to go around"
 "Have some more venison, MT. Per- kins?" Laughter
 ''I don't mind if I do,'' sez I, "An' now,'' sez I, pouring out another glass of sparkling nectar, "Im willin' to sym pathize and suffer with you-to strike for liberty with yo1-here in New York, and struggle on as long"
 GAS long as what? O! name it!' said Larry McFaden.
 "Why as long as the green seal holds out," said I, wipin' my lips with s patriotic thrill.
 "Magnanimous American-Lafayette of lrelandr' exclaimed the patriot, and then they all buried their deep grief 1T some more green seal-kindIy paid fo' by the millionaire servant girls Qf Nea York. (cheers.)
 DOCTORS.
 Speaking of Doctors Eli said: Why of course Doctors are always hones always. When asked my Doctor yesterday if he thought would die ol recover he said he thought I would "Your symptoms are that way, MT. Per kins." Qaughter.)
 "Why?" I asked.
 Because, sez he, lon gineral princi ples, MT. Perkins, whenever patient' ) osophagus becomes hysteremic througl the inordinate use of spiritus vini recti fcati (Otards) causing hepatic cirrhosis the reverse holds true-in other cases l does not. Qaughter.)
 s'Alasv' I replied, Eff there is any thing in this world that I openly detes it is-one thing more than another"
 UNCLE CONSIDER. The lecturer frequently referred to hi: brave Uncle Consider ''who was always first in battle-coming home." My uncle loved the glorious stars ane stripes.
 He said he loved to rally around the dear old fag-and he was willing tc leave the thickest of the fight any time just to r-a-l-l-y around it-Qaughter)- but man must have his regular meals. He was devoted-my uncle was-tc his superior officers. He even refused tt use nut crackers in the regiment, because he said he was afraid of bursting tht shells against he Kernel. (applause.)