The workingman's advocate., 1872-10-26
WIT AND WISDOM


Doctor, is tight-lacing injurious" "Of
corset IL madam"
Why Is rhe hgure 9 like peacock Be
cause it's nothing without its tail.
PosroFTIcE clerks say there are eighty
nine ways Of spelling Canandaigua, N. Y.
A FoRrY-yeas-old Biddsford, Ma, boy,
undutifully dogs his seventy -year-old
father.
AN Irish editor congrAtulates himself
that " half the lies told about him amt
true"
BAD manuscript makes an editor think
sometimes that he keeps house Of cor
rection.
A LASDLADY has refused to give up the
body Of boarder because he owed her
ten dollars.
CAPITAL punishment be shut up in
the pantry with the preserves and the
cake-box.
men never love woman whom they do
not understand, and women never love
men WHO'S they do undarutand.
with his enemy but lmfpaBnimR OVER IL ne
is superior. Lord Bacon.
An Irishman, having the rheumatism,
being asked where il troubled him the
most, replied, {" Be me sOwl belaive |
have it in livery howl and corner NV me l"
AN old lady passing blind organ grind
er on the street, rewarded him by placing
in his box piece Of paper with the motto,
" BE virtuous and you will be happy"
Who are the most discontentd of all
tradesmen Blacksmiths for their bel
lows and blows are always going, and they
are striking for wages all the year round.
A BOY in school was reading the sen
tence, The lighthouse Is landmark by
day and beacon by night. and rendered it
thus, =" The lighthouse is landlord by
day and deacon by night"
A POOR Irishman, passing through q vii
lage, near Chester, Penn, saw q crowd
approaching, which made him inquire what
was the matter He was answered :-" A
man going 70 be buried "Oh, replied
he "I'll stop to see that, for we carry them
IN our country"
WHY don't you wheel the barrow Of
coal along more lively, Ned n asked
coal-dealer Of ms hired man "It's not q
To relieve YOU, Ay, master" auoth
work, the plane NAV ne inclined, but
hang me if 4 am
WHAT are you believing about, Bill r.
said mother al the stairs foot one even
ing after her two boys had been put to
bed, Please mother" said believing
Bill, "Jem wants half the bed" 4" Well"
says she, let him have IT, and you take
the other half /" Yes, mother" says
Bill, but he ,ctU have his half out Of the
middle, and makes me sleep On both sides
Of him
SLEEPING.-A Michigan switch tender,
who was caught mapping At his post, and
convicted Of Wlllful negligence, said to the
Jailer who was about "a lock him up, " L
always supposed that the safety Of a rail
road depended on the soundness Of its
sleepers. " so 1t does" retOrted the
jailer, but such sleepers are never safe
unless they are bolted i'll.
A LANDLORDS CoNUNDRUs.-A compla-
cent landlord u an uptown hash-house,
at breakfast the other morning, planted
his thumbs in his vest arn-hOles, leaned
significantly back in his chair, and said
= Gentlemen, where do you think that
beefsteak comes from hi From near the
horns, was the quiet reply Of one Of the
bOarders. II is singular that the landlord
hasn't put any cOnundrums TO his bOar,lers
since.
A LITTLE girl III New York orphan
asylum. who was punished for scratching
another little girls face, BY being required
to learn verse from the Bible, was allow
ed to make her own selection, and choose
the first verse Of Psalm l44 4" Blessed ~
the Lord, my strength, which teacheth my
hands to war, and my fingers to fight"
A MAN had an unreasonable grudge
against his minister that lasted twenty-five
years. But at last the hand Of death
knocked at the door Of the parishoner,
and he sent for n.s 'astor The good man
hastily obeyed tn, summons with solemn
delight, as his being thus called showed A
mellowing Of the heart OF the dying man
which promised a reconciliation both with
heaven and himself
You sent for me III he said, as he ap-
preached the bedside.
Yes, answered the dying man, whose
breath was short and difficult II have
but few-a few hours t. live, and sent
sent for you to say that that this il
your last-yOur last chance to apologize III
GOVERNOR Curtin, in his Philadelphia
speech, told the following story
An old negro met Younger one, who
was rather suspiciously attred in a pair 81
striped ticking pantaloons, and carrying n
lean-looking carpet-bag. as if an elephant
had trampled on I'LL After the usual salu-
tatlons, the old negro said, "Nhar have
you been y Down here" Down
whar III " Down here. What have YOU
been doing n " have been s-boarding. H.
Said the old negro, dat won't do, dar-
key you got jail clothes on" "Well,
well, have been in Jail. What have
you been in jail for III Why, borrow
ing What did you borrow m I'll
borrowed g." Who did you borrow il
from III III borrowed il from 4 man. ("
After hesitating some time, the old negro
said Look here, nigger, dere Is some
thing wrong about dis dey don't put mig
gers in Jail for borrowing wasn't dere
something wrongF Well, " said the
other, i ] had to knock him down four or
five times fore he would lend me de
money.
How did Che do To