Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1872-07-04
TWO RUSSIAN TESTERS.

i
figure upon which all popular jests are
by common consent displayed. The
English have their Joe Miller, the Ger
mans their Schiltburger and Tyll, Eulen-
spiegel, the Americans their Col. Crock
EFT, the Orientals their Nasireddin ell
Khejah; and, in the same way, the
chosen god-fathers of Russian humor
are Balakiref, the jester, and Marshal
Suvoroff. The latter name has long
since passed into history but the for
mer requires some introduction to non
Russian readers. Popular traditions
unite in representing Balakiref as the
constant attendant of Peter the Great,
who figures largely in all the stories at
tached to the name of his bufoon.
Many of these stories are probably the
fabrication of later age but fair pro-
portion Of them bear marks of anthem
ITCHY, and, as fair specimens of national
humor, are worth quoting.
On one occasion Balakiref begged
permission of his imperial master to at
tach himself Ito the guard stationed at
the palace, and Peter, for the sake of
the joke, notwithstanding him at the
same time that any officer of the guard
who happened to lose his sword, or be
absent from his post when summoned,
was punished with death. The newly
made officer promised to do his best :;
but the temptation of some good wine
sent to his quarters that evening by the
Gar, to moisten his commission"
proved too strong for him and he par
took so freely as to become completetely
" screwed" While he was sleeping off
his debauch,. Peter stole softly into the
room, and carried off his sword. Balak-
lretf, missing it on awaking, and fright.
ened out of his wits at the probable con-
sequences, could devise no better rem
edy than to replace the weapon with his
own professional lath, the hilt and
trappings Of which were exactly similar
to those of the guardsmen. Thus equip
ped, he appeared on the parade the
next morning, confident. in the assur.
ance OF remaining undetected, if not
forced to draw his weapon. But Peter,
VINO had doubtless forseen this contin-
gency, instantly began storming at one
of the men for his untidy appearance,
and at length faced round upon Balak-
lreff with the stern order, "Capt. Bal
aklref, draw your sword and cut that
sloven down. n
The poor jester, thus brought fairly
to bay, laid his hand on his hilt as if to
obey, but at the same time exclaimed
fervently, Merciful Heaven let my
sword be turned into wood p
And drawing the weapon, he exhibit
ed in very deed harmless lath. Even
the presence of the Emperor was power
less to check the roar of laughter which
followed and Balakiref was allowed
to escape.
The testers ingenuity occasionally
served him in extricating others from
trouble as well as himself. A cousin of
his, having fallen under the displeasure
Of the Gar, was about to be executed :;
and Balakiref presented himself at
court to petition for reprieve. Peter,
seeing him enter, and at once divining
his GRAND, shouted to him, It's no
use your coming here l swear that
will not grant what you are going to
ask -
Quick as thought, Balakiref dropped
on his knees, and exclaimed, Peter
Alexeveitch, [ beseech you put thai
scamp of cousin of mine to death =
Peter, thus caught in his own trap, hac
no choice but to laugh, and sent a par
don to the offender.
During one of the Cars Liyonian cam
paigns, thick fog greatly INSTRUCTED
the movements of the army. At length
a pale, watery gleam began to SHOW
itself through the mist, and two of tn,
Russian officers fell to disputing whethe
this were the sun or not. Balakiref
happening to pass by at that moment
they appealed to him to decide. al
that light yonder the sun, brother?"
Chow should 1 know ?'' answered
the jester "I've never been here be
forel''
At the end of the same campaign
several of the officers were relating thei
exploits, when Balakirsf stepped il
among them. "I've got little story t,
tell, too" cried he, boastfully; "a bet
ter one than any of yours -
"Let US hear it, them" answered the
officers and Balakiref began:
~ never liked this way of fighting
allin crowd together, which they hav
nowadays; it seems to me more mani
for each to stand by himself; and there
fore l always went out alone. Now
CHANGED that one day, while reconnoitel
ing close to the enemy's outposts, sue
denly espied Swedish soldier lying O
the ground just in front of mel Their
was not moment to lose; he Nigh
start up and give the alarm. ] drew m
sword, rushed upon him, and at on
blow cut off his right foot u
"You fool p cried one of the listen
ers, "you should rather have cut off hi
head p
$50 1 would" answered Balakiret
with grin, but SOMEBODY else had don
that already |"
At times Balakiref pushed his WAC
geries too far, and gave serious efenc
to his formidable patron. On one o
these occasions the enraged Empero
summary banished him from the court
bidding him " never appear on Russian
soil again" The jester disappeared &C
cordingly; but week had hardl,