Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1872-06-28
A Husband Who Couldn't Appreciate the
Dolly Vardens.

Ifhusbands are to be mistaken in "Dol-
ly Warden dresses, as was an unfortunate
husband in Philadelphia, the sooner the
fashion is squelched the better it will be
for the peace of society. The husband in
question one night missed from the supper
table his wife Matilda, and inquired of
his little boy whittier she had gone, and
just at that moment the dining room door
opened and lady entered. The husband
observed wild look in her eye, and also
noticed that she was attired in an outland-
ish style, having on, be says, dress with
sunfowers, and cabbages, and pumpkins
worked all over it, and lot of snakes
squirming round for back ground.
Rising, the man said, MADAM, whom
do you wish to see p and then said aside,
"Poor thing, she's crazy"
That last remark settie, the Business for
him, as the weird female made bolt and
tightly grasped his Adams apple, and
checked him until his face assumed the
color of banner of the Commune. After
she had enjoyed surfeit of checking him
she Topped into chair, and with tears
coursing each other down her cheeks, ex-
claimed:
THAT [ should ever live to hear my
husband say that [ was crazy"
This amused the husband. and eleva-
ting himself to his full proportions, he
said:
''You can't blame me, madam, for sup
posing you an insane woman, and now
that | know you are really the mother of
these interesting children, will you have
the kindness to retire to the sanctity of
your chamber and peel yourself of that
piece Of furniture chintz, or window cur
tain. or whatever you call it?"
Window curtain chintz!'' said the
wife, why, it's you that's out Of your
head. That's Dolly Warden, and very
pretty pattern too"
Madam replied the husband, eve
may be out of our head, but if that is
Dolly Warden, we are most decidedly out
of our pocket. Why, it looks like circus
dress; and the idea of women at your
time of life"
my time of life"
Eyes, your time of life The. next
thing suppose, you'will be practicing the
trapeze act in the back yard. Why. it is
enough to give a man the deliriuna tremens
to look at it. Who ever saw such pat
tern? It's flash wall paper run mad
You look exactly like some japanese tea
sign. And now just bounce out here with
that FIJI battle-Aag, or you will scare the
baby to DEATH
There was an ominous pause for mo-
ment and then the eldest daughter said
why, you ought to be ashamed of
yourself, father, it's all the style, and I'm
going to have one too; there now"
Eyes, and want one. all the girls have
got them" Thus spoke Maria, the Sc
cond eldest.
Amy more p gasped the husband
''are there any more? Hadn't the baby
better have one? | guess I'll better get
one myself. How do they make up for
pantaloons? Ha ha! ha !! Economically
Let me have Dolly Warden. Let me
clutch 1t. Bring me pattern of monkey
scaling lamp-post. How would a Chinese
puzzle look, or map of Fairmount Park?"
All the rest is blank The unhappy
husband has just been liberated from an
asylum, and pronounced cured. But the
only way they managed it was to dress
him up in Dolly Warden. marked out
with the ground plan of the streets of Bos-
ton.
TRUE ENoUGH.-'Equality," says a
French writer, ''means a desire to be
equal to your superior, and superior to
your equal"