The Charleston daily news. [volume] (Charleston, S.C.) 1865-1873, 1872-07-02
OLD PROBABILITIES.
What It's Az Coming To.
From Scribner's for July.l


cards OF Invitation sent out week or TWO In
advance
..Guests living on the East Side will order
heir carriages at IL P. NJ on account of rain
al l1.30 P. Al. As there will be only slight
shower on the West Side, carriages from that
Side at convenience Of guests"
And this TO advertisements Of concerts and
the like:
performances will conclude at 10 P. NJ,
allowing ample time for audience TO reach
home before the Storm"
No more anxious watchlDgs at windows, In
those days-no more surprises, scamperlDgs,
huddlings together as at plcnics, IN the sweet
old shrleking fashion. Nobody who reads the
newspaper will ever get caught In the rain.
Then, OF course, when Mr.. Leakin succeeds
In securing general recognition for his Law OF
Perlodicity, nothing will ever "hapPen" at all.
The word .'accdenL" will be marked obsolete
In the dictionary, as 30 many other good words
have been already marked. Things will lake
place, suppose, In their regular sequence, as
ioreordalned and foretold. Lie will be q
Morphy-Paulsen game Of chess; except that
we shall keep on pushing the men around in a
night-mareish sort Of way, after "checkmate
in seventeen moves" has been announced.
It's all of piece-weather probabilities;
I.eakin's Law; composition back-lOgs; Gust
iron tree stumps; sprlDg-tast.nings TO keep
children from Kicking OIL bed-clolhes; canned
vegetables; steam yachts on the Sea of Gall
lee; parior skates; proloplasm.
Tomatoes in winter are as much out of place
as sunlight in theatre. III you were at the
Nilsson matinee at Walachs the other Satur-
day, when the shutters would fly open, every
now and then, you know how ghastIy that is y
Things must be IN keeping. Tomatoes must
be f1anked by radishes, anu fresh peas and let
tuce-wllh scent Of summer In The air. And
besides tona oes must be tomatoes, not tan
talizing semolance-a mixture of carpet rags.
vinegar anu bullets, just racy enough O! the
genuine dish to take off the keen edge OF ones
delight when, In due time, che first loolhsome
taste Of the vegetable comes to you with the
twlller OF brds, and the touch of the cool
warm air upon your brow.
Well, there is another side to all this.
The beauty of II is that spring Is spring, no
matter how IL comes at last, or wherein the
city, heraIded by small boys calling s'fans" be-
tween the acts OF the opera; In the country by
birds and flowers and flavor OF garlic In the
butter. Spring is spring, and will have its
way.
Aud as to parlor skates, when I come to
think OF 1t! The professor made me 70 with
him to the rink one night last winter. He
welt down, he said, every evening, after
Greek, tor halfhUur's "lun." And the pro-
fessor's pretty daughter, she was going for The
''lun." too-senmed 10 be really excited about
1t. One might have thought, to look al her
cheeks, 1t was to be a moonlight trollc on q
frozen mlll-pond. didn't want 10 60 at all;
1t seemed TO me sacrlege. sliding around on
rollers over pine boards, and calling lC skating.
It's bad enough to skate with real skates, un-
der corrugated roof AMI by gaslight; but this
mockery No, protested, shall be true to
the rur ners and oonfres of my boyhood
But went. didn't 60 80 fur as to put the
rollers on; merely stood and looked.
- Ut1th 80 81.
and scrape of steel upon the Ice, there was q
hollow rumble as of machinery, and over in
one corner the Champion cutting chalk eagles
on the floor!
II they had gone about 1t sadly and solemnly,
like mourners at a funeral, 1t would not have
been half 80 bad. 1t was their cheerfulness
that was 80 patneiic. IL seemed as II this
great procession of yous5 and mlddle-aged
that sWayed and swung past me where stood
were under the influence OF horrible en-
chantment.
In moment, I said to myself, the little man
10 black, leaning over the balcony railing
yOnder, will drop his cane upon the floor
below, the music will cease, the lights will 20
down, and, suddenly awaking from their
dream, the skaters will shrink into the street,
and back to their homes In terror.
But even parlor skates do sometimes get
loose, aud one must kneel to fasten them
while the other gently rests her hand on his
shoulder for support. And mere, too, the girls
have to be taught; and rollers, like runners,
are treacherous and will slip-if he does not
hold so tight-so tight!
o this great-hearted. blessed humanity OF
ours, how 1t takes to itself, at last, every arli.
lcial custom and contrivance brought within
Its domain-inst as nature resumes, with ivy
and lehen aud rust, every piece Of human
handiWorS planted in her deep woods!
/ shouldn't wonder III there were times
when Old Probabilities himself forgets his
umbrella. And maybe he isn't 30 very old
alter all. Maybe to somebody-lar of-the
summer rain Is dearer because Old ProbabiIi-
Ties, In that formal scientific way of his, said
that It WAS coming.