Worcester daily spy. [volume] (Worcester [Mass.]) 1850-1888, 1872-07-22
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DAN. o'CoNNELL AND MRS. MORTALITY.
1t was at an Irish court of justice that Mr..
OConnell could be seen TO greatest advantage
Every quality of the advocate and the LAWYER
he displayed He showed research and perfect
mastery of his profession, and he exhibited his
own great and innate qualities. Who that ever
beheld him on the Munster circuit when be was
in the hight of his fame, but must have admired
his pr0digious versatility of formidable powers.
His pathos was often admirable; his humOr
flowed without effort Of art. What jokes he ut
tered! what sarcasmsl How well he worked his
case through, never throwing away chance,
never relaxing his untiring energies.
One of the drollest scenes of vituperatiOn that
OConnell ever figured in took place in the early
part OF his life. Not long after he was called to
the bar, his character and peculiar talents re-
celYed rapid recognition from all who were even
casually acquainted with him. His talent for
vltuperatlve language was perceived, and by
some he was, even i'll those days, considered
matchless as scold. There was, however, at
that time in Dublin certain woman, Biddy Mo
riarty, who had huckSter's stall on one of the
quayS nearly opposite the Four Courts. She
was viragO Of the first order, very able with
her fist, and sill more formidable with her
tongue. From one end of Dublin to the other
she was notorious for her powers of abuse and
even in the provinces Mrs. MOriarty'S language
had passed into currency The dietiOuary of Dub
lin slang was considerably enlarged by her, and
verbal. Some Of OConnellS friends, however,
thought that he could beat her in the use of her
own weapons. Of this, however, he had some
doubts himself, when he had listened once or
twice to some minor specimens of her Billings
gate. lit was mOoted once whether the young
Kerry barrister could encounter her, and some
of the company lin O'COmnelPS presence) rather
too freely ridiculed the idea of his being able to
meet the famous Madame Moriarty. 0'COnnell
never likei the idea of being put down, and he
proiesSed his readiness to encounter her, and
even backed himself for the match. Bets were
offered and taken. 1t was decided that the
match should come off at once.
The party adjourned to the hucksters stall,
and there was the owner herself, experimenting
the sale Of her small wares. A few loungers
and ragged idlers were hanging round her stall
for Biddy was a character" and, in her way,
was one Of the sights of Dublin.
OConnell was very confident of success. He
had laid an ingenious plan for overcoming her,
and with all the anxiety of an ardent expert
mentalist, waited to put it into practice. He
resolved TO open the attack. AT this time
O'Connell's own party and the loungerS about
the place formed an audience quite sufficient to
arouse Mrs. Moriarty, on public prOyocation, to
due exhibition of her powers. 0'Connell
commenced the attack:
whats the price of this walking stick, Mrs
What S-yOur-nameP
"Moriarty sir, is my name, and q good one it
49, anu NHdt nave you you 10 say a9en IL { ana
acknowledgement the price of the stick Troth
it's cheap as dirt-so it is"
"One-and-SiXpence for a walking stick
Whew! why, you are no better than an impoS-
ter, 10 ask eighteenpence for what cost you two
pence"
"Twopence, your grandmother, replied Biddy,
do you mean 10 say That its chatting the people
l ann lmposter indeed"
AYE, imposter, and it's what | call you to
your teeth, reioned 0'Connel
Come, cut your stick, you eantankerous jack
aDapes"
Keep civil tongue in your head, you old
diagonal" replied 0Conuell, calmly.
stop your jaw, you pug-nosed badger; or by
THIS and that, "cried Mrs. Moriarty, showing
her fists, "lll make you 90 quicker nor you
come"
Don't be in passion, my old radius-anger
will only wrinkle your beauty"
by the hockey, If you say another word of i'm
pudence, I'll tan your dirty hide, you bastely
common scrub; and sorry I'd be to soil my fists
upon your carcass"
"Whew! boys, what passion old Biddy is in
protest, as I'm a gentleman"
"Jintlemen! jintlemenl the likes of you i'm
tieman! Wisha, by gar; that bangs Banagher.
why you potato-iaccd pippin sneezer, when did
a Madagascar monkey like you pick enough of
common Christian decency to hide your Kerry
brogue."
EASY, now, easy, now" cried O'ConnelI, with
imperturbabe good humor, don't choke your
sell with line language, you old whiskey drink
ing paralellogran."
whats that YOU call me, Won murderin' viii
lam e roared Mrs. Morarty, stung into fury.
II call you, answered O Cornell, "a paraIell-
ogram, and Dublin judge and jury would say
that it's no libel to call you SOL"
ION, tare-an-ouns! Oh holy Biddyl that an
honest woman like me should becalled q parry
bellygrum to her face. Pm none of your parry
bellygrums, you rascally gallows-bird; you cow
ardy, sneaking, plate-lickin' bliggardP
"Oh, not you, indeed" retorted OConnell:
why, suppose, you'll deny that you keep an
hypothenuse in your house?"
= It's lie for you, you dirty Tobber; | never
had such thing in my house, you swindling
thief"
why, sure all the neighbors know very well
that you keep, not only an hypothenuse, hut
that You go out to walk with him every Sun
day, you heartless old heptagon."
On, hear that, We saints of glory! Oh,
there's bad language from fellow that wants
to pass for jinteman. May the devil fly
away with you, you micher from Munster, and
make celery sauce of your rotten limbs YOU
mealy-mouthed tub of garbage"
All, you can't deny the charge, you misera-
bic submultiple of duplicate ratio"
60 rinse your mouth in the Liffey, YOU
nasty tincle-pitcher; after all the bad words you
speak 1t ought to be filther than your face, YOU
dirty chicken of Beelzebub."
RlnSe your own mouth, you wicked minded
old polygon. To the devil | pitch you, you
6lostering intersection of a sinking super
ficiesl"
You saucy tinker's apprentice, if you don't
cease your Jaw Pill" But here she gasped
Tor breath, unable to hawk up any more words,
Tor the last volley OF O'Connell had nearly
knocked the wind out of her.
While | have a tongue I'll abuse you, Won
most lnimitable periphery. Look at her boys |
there she stands, convicted perpendicular in
pettlcoatS! There's contamination in her cir
cumterence, and she trembles with guilt down
TO the eXtremities OF her corrollaries. Ali
you're found ont, you rcctilinear antecedent,
equlangular old hagl lis with you the old one
VIII ny away, you porter-swiping similitude of
the dissection of vorteXP'
Overwhelmed with this torrent of language
Mrs. Moriarty was silenced. Catching up a
saucepan, she was aiming at OConnor's head,
when he very prudenty made a timely retreat
You have won the wager, 0Connell-here's
your bet" cried the gentleman who proposed
the contest
OConnell knew well the use of sound in the
Vituperation, and, having to deal with an igno.
rant scold, determined to overcome her in a
Voluollity, by using all the high sounding words
which occur in Euclid. With these, and a few
significant epithets, and q soothing, mpudent
daemeanor, he had, for once, imposed silence on
Biddy MOTiartV