Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-08-23

But he kept the flower and won the maid
J. r. Waller.
HumOr.
Open to conviction-jail yard.
The table Of interest is the dinner table.
The best style Of writing-righting the
wrong.
ce-makers-Steam, gunpowder and
glycerine.
Misery loves company, and SO does mar.
riageable young lady.
What is better than promising young
man? A paying one.
When does man have to keep his word :?
When no one will take it..
The debt of nature should never be paid
If it can't be without an execution.
A secret has been defined as "anything
made known to everybody in whisper"
Figures can't lie. Can't they Does a
fashionable woman's figure tell the truth
The best people are not only the happiest,
but the happiest people are generally the
best.
1t is just as impossible to get along with
out advertising as it is for cross-eyed man
to borrow gun.
The ladies give as reason for marrying
for money, they SO seldom find anything
else in man worth having
The impecunious market gardener who
wants to know how to start little nursery :,
is strongly advised to get married.
Some one, feeling that actions are better
than words, has said 'We hear Of the acts
of the Apostles, but never of their resolu-
tions."
A farmer had calf so contrary, be said
that he ''had to pull his ears off to make
him suck, and pull his tail off to make him
let 60"
A Kentucky editor says neighbor of his
is so lazy that when he works in the garden
he moves about so slowly that the shade of
his broad brimmed hat kills the plants.
A Western Editor places over the mar.
riage notices in his paper a cut representing
large trap, sprung, with this motto 'The
trap another ninnyhammer caught. {"
A father and son at Brantford, Ct, con.
Guided that they better secure housekeep-
er, aud each, unaware Of the others inten-
tions, brought home new wife on Fri
day.
An old maid suggests that when men
break their hear it is all The same as when
lobster breaks one Of his claws another
sprouts Immediately, and grows in its
place.
Judge Jefreys, pointing with his cane at
prisoner before him, observed There
is q great rogue at the end of this stick -
The man replied. cat which end 10y
lord 2"
fisherman The individual in question is a
Fifteenth amendment" who ties his 6sh-l;ne
to his dog and when he gets bite kicks
the dog.
An Indiana town has tho following cog
ordinance "Dogs that are not coIlared and
ed, will have their narratives amputated one
inch south of their ears
II want to know" said a creditor fierce
ly, "when are you going to pay me what
YOU owe me ?" When I'm going to pay
you Why, you're pretty fel low Do you
take me for prophet p
eff there is anybody under the canister
of Heaven that | have 10 utter exercres-
ence,'' says Mrs Partineton, "it is the SIAN
derer, going about like boy constructor,
circulating his calomel upon honest folks :"
A "woman of business" in Arkansas has
lust tarred and feathered her husband. If
fellow is to be "Ku-Kluxed," how much
nicer it must be to have it done by the wife
of his bosom than be the cold rough hand
of hooded stranger.
nSir," said an irate little gentleman of
about four feet eleven inches, to one six
feet two Il would have you know, sir, that
I have been well brought up p' Possibly"
said the tall one, looking down, but you
havn't bsen brought up far"
ssGrammar class stand up and recite !;
Tom, parse girls"
s'Girls is particular noun. Of the lovely
gender, lively person, and double number,
kissing mood, in the immediate tense, and
in the expectation case to matrimony, accor-
ding to the general rule.
'sWhat time is it my dear p asked a wife
Of her husband, whom she suspected of be-
ing drunk, but who was doing his best to
look sober. "Well, my darling, I can't
tell, cause you see, there are TWO hands on
my watch, and each points to different fig
ure. and don't know which to believe"
The adage 'Where there's will there's
way" is illustrated in Western town
where the SWANS are SO retiring that the
young women can only get them (the swains)
to squeeze them (the young women) by per-
suading the former to lay bets on their
weight and ascertain the same by netting
them.
A young woman once married man by
the name OF Dust, against the wish Of her
parents. After short time they began to
Quarrel, and she attempted to return to her
fathers house, but he refused to receive
her. saving, "Dust thou art and unto Dust
thou shalt return" And she got up and
edusted."
The Norwich Advertiser says: ga young
lady, very pretty, walked round the new
road (seven miles) in one hour and forty