The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1872-04-27
VARIETY.

A BroOkfeld, Connecticut, man has named
prize rooster Robinson, because Robinson Cru-soe
One button was found where Missourian haC
been sitting smoking cigar, a few minutes be
fore
Haytiens are waiting until their coffee crop il
harvested, so that they may have money enough
to engage in another insurrectIon.
Some young men prefer bIue-eyed meidens and
others prefer dark-eyed ones. But of late yearf
the mOn-eyed girls have had the call over all
others.
A man in Nebraska said he could handle a rat
tlesnake the scme way as a snake charI1er. The
churlishness of the undertaken in demanding pay
IN advance delayed the funeral four days.
A Texan named Merse attempted to separate
two enraged steers that were fighting. Mr.. Merse
was highly esteemed for his amiability and strict
integrity.
A simple mode of avoiding the spread of small
pOx has been discovered in Alabama. They let
the patient die safely by himself; hire a negro to
bury him, and shoot the negro as soon as the in
terment is finished.
a western editor, who doesn't know much
about farming anyway, suggests that for garden
making a cast-iron back, with hinge in it,
would be an improvement on the spinal column
now in use.
Putty-eyed monster" is what appeared in
the paper of Tennessee editor who wrote with
respect, - pretty aged minister" The Of
the minister 80 interviewed - the editor the next
morning with shot guns.
Kitchen girls are now termed young ladies of
the lower parlOr.' People who go about grind
ing knives, scissors and razOrs termed gen
tlemen of the revolution" Folks who dig CLAIMS
are termed % profound Investigators"
An Ohio paper has the following obituary no
tice " William Jones, of Malta township, aged
80, passed peacefully away, on Tuesday last, from
single blessedness to matrimonial bliss, after a
short but sudden attack by Alice Blossom,
a blooming young widow of "a
A little boy in Chelsea astonished his mother
the other evening by rather abrupt flight from
grave to gay. Finishing his nightly prayer with,
- pray the Lord my soul to keep he, with a
sudden change Of tone and manner, proceeded,
''for I'm Captain Jinks of the horse marines -
USEFUL WIvEs.-The case of the Long Island
lady who apolOgized to her guests for the break
fast being late by saying that babe had been
born to her during the night, is only paraleled
by the Western wife who says, g Dear John, L
have only had time to do up two of your shirts /;
it's boy, and weighs twelve pounds.
a youth who was directed by his stern parent
to prepare himself for a hOgging, called up
on an hour later to receive 1t. After 50 licking -
him for some ten minutes without exciting his
emotions, the old man discovered that the boy
had on n leather apron three times doubled. He
had prepared, and his father adjourned the
meeting.
The cause of the postage stamps bearing the
portraits OF Washington, Franklin, Jefferson,
jackson and others, curling and twisting in all
kinds of shapes, is under consideration by Post
office officials, and the conclusion has about been
reached that those old fellows cannot lie still amid
the corruption and political raseality that is go
ing on all around them.
young Positivist-Parson: whats mir
acle?'' Boy: = Dunno Parson; well, if the
sun was to shine in the middle of the night, what
should you say it was? ?'' Boy: 1.-The moon. -
Parson But if you told it was the sun
what should you say it was?" Boy: "A lie. y
Parson: IL do MT tell lies; suppose L told you
it was the sun, what would you say then?'' Boy
THAT ger wasn't sober"
Everything in nature indulges in amusement of
some kind. The lghtnings play. the winds whis-
tie, the thunders roll, the snow flies, the ris and
cascades sing and dance, the waves leap, the
fields smile, the vines creep and run, the buds
shoot and the hills have tops-tO play with. But
some OF them have their seasons of melancholy.
The tempests moan, the sephyrs sigh, the brooks
murmur and the mountains look blue.
man out in Logansport, Indiana, bad Il jack
ass palmed OF on him for mule colt, and it has
proved To be an elephant on his hands. He tied
It in his back yard and waited patiently for his
neighbOrs to offer him a bonus to remove the lit
tie animal out of earshot, for he satisfied they
would soon grow weary Ot the deep bass voice Of
the lOng-eared colt \ gentleman who ''passed
by on the other side yesterday reports that Mr..
s. was sitting the doorstep with his ears
stuffed with cotton, while his neighbors were
hunting an attorney to bring Injunction suit
against the jackass.
A good story is told of n teacher who was talk
ing to her scholars regarding the order of the
higher beings 1t was n very profitable subject,
and one in which the children took an uncommon
interest She told them that the angels came
first in perfection, and when she asked them who
came next, and readily answered by one boy,
Man. she felt encouraged to ask
s.What comes next to man ?''
And here little shaver, who was evidently
smarting under defeat in the preceding ques-
lion, Immediately disIanccd all competitors, by
promptly shouting
ssHis undeTshirt, ma am ~
HorELs-Of hotels, etc, Josh said: Hotels
are houses of refuge houses for the yagrants, the
mariners retreat, and the bachelors freside /;
and good landlord is like good step-mOther-
he knows his business, and means to do his duty.
He knows how 10 rub his hands with JOY when
the traveller draws nigh he knows how 10 smile /;
he knew your wife's first husband, but he don t
speak about that He can tell TO sprinkle
whether it will rain tomorrow or not; he hears
your complaints with a tear in his eye, and
stands round ready with "a shirt-collar as white
rs a piece of broken china. A man may be q
good Supreme Court Judge, and at the same time
q miserable landlord. 1t is too often the case
that landlords go into the hash business minis
tiers 90 into their professons-with the very best
motives, but the poorest kind Of prospects-JOsh
Billings.