The Portland daily press., 1872-04-18
A Clerical Joker.

The late Elder John Smith, of Kentucky,
who died recently at an advanced age, was
. one of the most eccentric wits South of the
Ohio River. He was Familiarity known
throughout Kentucky as ''Raccoon Smith"
While still in the Baptist ministry, and at
tending one of the annual meetings of that
body, tall, lank, green specimen of humani-
ty presented himself before the Association as
a candidate for the ministry. He was not re-
garded as being of entirely sound mind, and
labored under the hallucination that he was
especially "called to PREACH" and kept con-
stantly importuning the Association to grant
him the necessary license. In addition to
his particularly unbalanced mind, young
Meeks was the possessor of as huge and ungain-
ly pair of feet as ever trod shoe-leather.
Tired of his opportunities, and n It being dis
posed to grant the license, the Association
handed him over to Smith, administrations to
make an end of the case, and between them
took place the following conversation:
Smith-So, Brother Meeks, you think YOU
have special call to preach? Mn ta ID
Meeks-Yes, the Lord has called me to the
work, but the Association refuses me the Ii
cense.
Smith-How do you know you are called?
Meeks-Know it! feel it in my heart of
hearts. 1 want my license.
Smith-Do you believe the Bible, Brother
Meeks?
Certainly 1 do-every word of it,
Smith-If can prove by the Bible that
isfied to drop the matter, and not further i'm
perfume the Association for license?
Brother Meeks assented to this, and Rae
coon Smith deliberately opened the New Tes-
lament at Romans X, Is, and in a grave tone
read: GLOW beautiful are the feet of them
that preach the gospel of peace" &c. Then,
glancing at Meeks's large feet, he remarked:
"You see, Brother Meeks, that the feet of
the preacher are beautiful. "You, sir, have
the most monstrously ugly feet of any man
in the State of Kentucky; therefore, by this
Bible, it is clear that you have not been es-
pecially called"
AS Smith finished his remarks, the entire
Association went off into paroxysm of
laughter; and Meeks, really concluding that
he had not been "called," bolted from the
meeting house, and never after annoyed the
Association for license.
SHAKEsPEARE's OCCUPATION GONE. =
The mayor of well-known town in Blank
shire became the patron of the theatre under
Mr.. M-ys management in 1850, and gave
hundred guineas for a box for the season.
This liberality did not arise from any particu-
lar taste for dramatic literature, or any other
kind of literature; but he paid thus hand
somely for the box, because he was liberal
AAA"h3 AlnOu SOiiAS w onC pidy, anu pTcu6-
cessor in Office paid the same sum, and he
would not be outdone. He attended every
night, was always pleased, and very friendly
with the manager. One night Mr. Ny
made his appearance in Hamlet play
which the mayor had never seen; and in the
mad scene Hamlet appeared with his dress in
disorder. The mayor took offence at the ex-
hlbltlon, ana declared to his wife and family
who were in the box with him, his conviction
that the actor was drunk, and he would have
no such doings if he could help it. So, &C
cordingly, he went round to the stage, and
waited at the side till the end of the scene,
when he thus addressed the tragedian:
MIR. Ny, till tonight looked on you
as respectable man, and now 1 see you are
given to drink; for no sober man would go
before respectable audience with his shirt
frill hanging about like that, and his stock
ings down. Why, you ought to be ashamed
of yourselfp' The tragedian, astonished at
the ignorance of his patron, said, 'sMy dear
sir, you are quite mistaken, I assure you. 1
only adhere to the authors instructions in re-
spect to the disordered dress to show
''Who wrote this play?'' demanded the may
or. "Good graciousr' exclaimed Ny,
''do not you know Shakespeare wrote it ?'
81 can't say that do, replied the mayor;
'but will take care that he writes no more
for this house as long as have anything to
do with it. and SO you may tell him.