The avant courier. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1871-1872, 1872-03-21
sCIssORINGs.

SCISSORlNG8.
Why is clergyman like a locomotive
Because You are to look out for him whel
the bell rings. .As
A boy who mad read Of sailors heaving an
chors. wanted to know if it was sea sicknes
/ that made them do it.
query for nothers-Why Is screamin,
baby like the goddess of morningi Becaus
its a roarer (Aurora.)
Why cannot two slender persons ever he
come great friends. Because they will al
ways BE- slight acquaintances.
A year old boy baby. beginning to walk. i
| by no means good suchre player, beeaus'
| he insists on going 1t alone. VI
my friend. have you sufficient confidence
in me to lend ME a dollars" "Oh, yesl con
fiden enough. but no dollar"
The extra good nature Of tailors about thii
time. contemporary says. is owing to The
immense amount Of cabbage this year.
1t is stated that when the King Of Siam
feels like having little field sport he shoul.
flers his rifle and goes for the missionaries.
A Chicago paper says good deal Of our
religion is simply starch. That's the reason
it washes out of sone folks so easily.
Mrs. Moore. Of Indiana. thrasied her nus
band for getting drunk. and the Louisville
Ledger, calls her the bride of lain-a-Moore.
"A tailor has invented a new fashioned coat:
it has neither seam nor opening. TO got into
it you have to crawl out of your trousers.
Boarding School Miss-'.Oh. Charlie. ex-
pect to grsduate at next commencement. -
! s..Graduatel What will you graduate in!'
"Why. in white tule." Fact.
A crazy man wants to know whether il
clocks were regulated by the moon they
wouldn't be ltularticks. We have no time to
investigate the matter.
j TaEKE In only oge daily paper in San Fran
cisco tlfet cannot boast of having a libel suit
on hand-and its first number has not yet
appeared.
A set Of paper wheels on Pullman car
have run 160, 600 miles. and wern out tf,egr
steel tires. Cast-iron wheels will ru, easy
6O.0OO miles.
CoNun DRUM FOR MARRIED MKs.--Why is a
wife like newspaper Because every man
should have one without Borrowing his
neighbor'a."
AN advertisement tD an old number OF the
Vernon Visitor. Published years ago. says |:
..Wanted-A frsan who fears the Lord and
weighs two hssndred pounds. $50
+; A lady correspondent wishes to know the
meaning OF 'sstag parties.' They are enter
tainunents whereat bucks usually get
enengf additional horns to make them stag
per-
: The Sedalia (Mo.) Times concludes an ac-
count of the exploration OF a eave in Bowling
Green township. with the following sketch
of the party: 1.-The appearance of our hon
orea friend, Jndg rowisley, as he emerged
from the cave with handkerchief around his
head. crawling on all fo,irs.- and a lighted
candle I'M his mouth, afforded picture uil-
paralleled in the judicial annals of our coun-
try
The following notice was served upon !
Northern school teacher in Texas recently,
signed BY some eight or ten pf the larger
boys. three nt them between seventeen and
twenty years es age I'VE. tn undersigned.
require yon To treat. to 4 blshel of peeans.
five pounds OF raisins, and three Of candy.
II you refuse, we will put you in the deepest
hole of water within one mile Of the school
I1ouse.r
man from one Of the rural districts re-
Gently went to Washington to see the sights.
A member Ut the House whose constituent
he was, said ! Come up Tomorrow. andal
will give yan q seat on the door OF the Hause.n
"No. you don't.'' replied Jonathan I all
ways manage TO have 4 cheer to it on at
home, and / hain't come to Wash'n'ton to
sit ON the floor - i6s4 a iss assxsast
We should look upon contentrnent as tse
great good. Not that it is reqnisite we
should have only little to live upon, but
when we have only little we should be sat-
isfie.l; for this reason that those best enjoy
abundance who are contented with the least.
70 that the pains Of poverty are removed.
Simple fare can give u relish equal 70 the
most expensive luxuries.
The Louisville Courier-J Journal has lost all
patience with DT. Livingstone, and ID al
lusion to an expedition now searching for
him in the Wills of Africay II calculates
!. For on part. We can't -. the use Of spend
Ing 20 much time and naoaey to lind 4 man
who can't De hired 10 stay tosand. md who u
never happy except when be Is lost. 2
The North Carolina papers report the fol-
lowing speech by. 4 calosed memberof tho
on the State debt: sGensmena
how il We goin, to. pay Dir thing non't the
say We are bankTuptl Sayi ! say
Ehis. say that eYssz nm in this eAaasbNsl
md outside II II, y Spas1 ~. =