Delaware state journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1870-1883, 1872-02-23
THE MIXED FUNERALS.

ny ROBERT ToMPKlNs, ESQ.

am quiet man. / may say, qfer turn
ing Il over In my mind, that l am meek
man. AS q general thing thing l let my
wife take the lead and do the aggressive.
Women are so much more capable in that
line than the men. They have a turn for
war. Did you ever meet with female who
was not bloody minded And did you ever
see girl that wasn't carried away by the
ioggery of the army and navy2 No, l
rather think you never did. Then they are
so fluent, and as they cannot be knocked
down, you see they get in their argument.
And that's a good deal. SO now when
see dun approaching put my better hall
10 the front, and don't she mako tue scoun-
drel wish he was dead? Perhaps she
don't.
But quiet and meek as | am, can't be
put upon. When II is thoroughly and clearly
understood that | am put upon the dormant
forces Of manly nature develops instanter. /
nm aroused. Aud when | am aroused
well, something breaks. Sometimes ii is q
head, sometimes ii is the crockerY, and
sometimes II ia my suspenders. The last
happened the other day when my mother
in-law put upon me. When | discovered
that Strengthened to my full height and
looked that aged vinegar cruet IN the eye.
She quailed, sir. AS the late Thomas Ben
ton once remarked, 81 looked him in the
eyes till they fell, sir; yes, sir, they iell. "
Her eyes fell to my wois'band, and she
said:
Bobby, you've bust your suspenders."
And so / had; in the violence OF my emo
tious the mainstoys snapped. But sir, |
now appeal TO you. This is not ihe FIRST
time that ! have suffered from he hackmen.
lit was the fist ofensc on their part l
might he disposed to say nothing abou; Ill
but the repetition OF such ouiTRgss is not to
be passed silently by
The first occasion was when went 10 get
married; il was in Philadelphia, and the
miserable hack driver maliciously drove us
(tbat is, Mary Ann and myselO 10 MOya-
nensing prison instead of TO the church.
We were so much occupied In conversation
that we never noticed our route until we
found ourselves at tie gate OF the prison,
with the driver politely bowinS and letting
down the steps tor US TO get out.
II was his left eye that suffered most,
although my nose was so. swollen that |
postponed my marriage indefinitely, aud
Mary Ann is still single.
But the last grievance has injured my
feelings 10 still greater extent i has
aroused oil my dormant sensibilitiel; 1t was
shocking. sacrlegious, unpardonRble, and
therefore | complain to you.
Perkins died last week-you remember
Petkins2 but no, come TO think oil il he was
not one OF that family; lie had no Claim on
any government, and so you could not have
known him. Perkins had a great attach
ment for me- lie l,aned me money, and II
was on my property. lie was omewhal
older than ], aud looked upon him almost
as a relative e-an uncle | might saY. de-
pended upon him when l was in trouble
and his honda were as good 10 me as hiI
words, 10 fact preferred tkem-ihey were
mostly preferred. / owed Perkins much
he made me what am-frequently; | fee
| could never have repaid him; " when
heard of his sudden death | concluded 10
pay him my last tribute al the grave. Il
was the only thing ever paid.
The funeral was gotten up in the bes
style, il was really frst-class fuaeral In
every respect. Jones and got into one o
Of the best hacks you was about. the tenth Ii
the procession.
| did not particularly notice the drive
when | entered, but who ever does? Wha
difference should il nake-are they not al
heathens alike2 The funeral started. l wa
quite overcome with my feelings; ! Away
am at funerals; tried 10 light cigar, bu
aIter striking a match | iound | hadn't
Cigar with me, and Jones Only had one
which he smoked himself | mention thi
10 Jones' dscredii. We oHloJed pleasan
ride (allhoueh somewhat Slow aloHg ssvera
streels, until we saw smother iuneral lsavinl
n house in front Of US. The street was some
what narrow, aud the vehicles OF the tw
professions were good deal crowded, an
frequently were obliged TO mix together an
20 in single file TO keep out oil the mud.
course We kept the curtains down, as 1t wa
Iass exposing. After while Tue two pro
cessions again separated, each vending Il
solemn way TO honor it's separals dead
was an occasion to call forth the saddtsl n
Elections, and Jones actually threw ava
his cigar half smoked; we were both deepl
affected, and as we approached the gate
the cemetery, we prepared TO shed OF
sacred tears to the memory OF our departG
friend. Through the long avenues v
wound slowly along, gazing at the toni
on either side where slumbered the sile
dead the sculptured monuments OF love oil
Affection calling forth sad thoughts, whI
euJdedly the coltege halted.
IL Is always solemn moment when
funeral procession reached the spot whe
the dear departed 10 10 oe lelt IN the GO
and silent earth. We felt it as we descen
Cd rom our carriage and looked about 1
The tears were standing in our eyes, VIII
IN onr amazement cut OF tile hack ahead
ne came several darsies; we wer1 shocke
hui oil. borrcrl out OF all the carriages dc
cendcd people oil color; load alter load th
dismounted; a colored minister led the wa
colored pal-bearers carried seeond-f'
coffin. even the hacks were secOndra
Something was undoubtedly wrong, 4
was not our funeral. Suddenly II hasl
across my mind that during The mixing
of the carriages our fraud OF driver
followed the wrong funeral, aud here
were. the only white eTsons at this colo
burlall Perkins had been carried TO anot
grave, and we were mourners over an
Known dafkey. What could we dor 10
loole I at me and looked at Jones-'al