Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1872-09-10
Handled Goods.

was sitting one morning by this most beau
tiful spring nature ever fashioned, slowly swa
lowing the water that tastes as Sam Weller
said, like warm smoothing irons, when
young lady from the fashionable resort close by,
called Old Sweet, came down the elm shaded
pathway assisted by youth in white flannel,
blue necktie, and hair balanced evenly upon
delicate bloude moustache and slender cane
The young lady was light and luminous in a
cloud of white muslin that was built somewhat
like the boot Of Troy stage. AS she swung
her boot round after sip Of the water and
disappeared up the winding path, | heard u
voice near me say Handled goods.
Turning saw one of our lions, young Ham
iion Swagg, the son of the late Doctor Swagg,
who lett this vale of tears and a cool million
accumulated from his patent pain extractor
His only son and heir, Hamilton, remained in
the vale to spend the said million, and, grow
ing to mans estate is considered great catch
by divers classes of pigeon hawks created to
prey upon humanity, such as blacklegs! and de,
signing mothers But Nature, that gives the
ass his heels and the ram its thick skull and
curly horns, provided Hamilton with a means
of defense, by making him cool, selfish and
cunning.
"Gan,bling is not good" quoth Hamilton:
Il don't want fellow money, and By Jovc
don't want fellow to get mine, When want
a girl don I mean to give myself in payment.
Can't check out of that bark, you see.
These were some OF the Wise sayings OF
Hamilton, aud on this occasion he remarked,
Handled goods !" and ;> | cnkcd at him.
with an interrogation marx III my s!aucc, he
continued
Handled goods, Colonel, are apt to be dam
ageI-seconu hand auyhow-and fellow
~ al. = bay mt "a yll
.'You find good deal of handled goods at
these summer resorts, Mr.. Swagg 2
"You bet The guls are thrown on the
market, and a good deal paved over before
taken. Don't like it. Handled goods arc apt
to be damaged goods.
You should 60 into the rural districts, MIR.
Swagg, and get some charming fresh country
lass to make you happy.
Mr.. Hamilton S. gave quiet little laugh,
and responded, Tried it, by Jove. No go,
Colonel was down for an autumn at country
house. Had sweet little blonde pitched at
me- No chignon, by Jove! real hair on plump
white shoulders little or no pannier all ua-
tural as morning glories moss roses and fresh
eggs. Thought my time had come. We rode
and walked aud spoonied for three months BY
.Jove done up that parcel in three weeks
time flew So Well, [ popped, and she just
come down into pocket as natural and sweet and
soft well for q week | was in a rural heaven
with an angel done up in muslin and loving
simplicity One day came IN from bit OF
cunning, and passing by the Identical summer
house where had popped, heard ant nt'ls s.sr cry
ping from that summer house, and the wind
blew so that it might he sound from both
but turned in, and, by Jove there way my
rural felicity in the arms of a tall fellow, ugly
to meas Satan, and wearing bob tailed
navy blue. When they saw me the fellow
looked fierce, and my love habbergasted. Well
in an instant she hopped-not in my arms, but
down upon her knees, ond with sobbing voice
and streaming eyes begged me not to break
her heart, that she loved Henry Augustus.
said handled goods and as rural felicity
didn't COMPREHEND, | said, Rise up, Isabella;
take her, navy blue. Bless you, my chidrenl
s'And so you come to this quiet resort TO
heal up your broken heart %
s'Not a bit of it. Had queer pain In the
small of my back. as if a corkscrew were being
twisted in Got Garnet to examine my back,
and he said he be cussed If he could see into 1t,
and I went to Hammond. Hammond punched
and sounded and measured; looked In my eyes
with queer instrument, listened to my heart
with another, Tapped and snapped, set me mp
and pushed me down. and wound up, by Jove!
with charging me Ave hundred dollars tor
Bright disease--that's the fashionable disease,
kills all the rich people now. Then he sent me
to the Sweet Chalybeate, Allegheny county,
Virginia, to get clear of me. That's how l
come to be at this Internal stupid place; out It
good as any.
| give Mr.. Hamilton Swagg at length for he
is the hero Of our one bit of romance. tie met
his fate, and better one than he deserved,
leaving out the million accumulated from the
patent pain extractor. 1t came about IN this
WISE Miss Addie L. has been, | was going to
write, time out Of mind, belle at the White
Sulphur. But that would not be gallant thing
10 say about lady young yet, for shcls not over
thirty, and real belle holds her sway beyond
that The brilliant Lizzie II. would have con-
tnued until eighty had not adlpose over'aken
aud conquered both wit and beauty. VI late
years Miss Addie IT, had given over fashionable
resorts aud gay wiuters in Washington. She
travelled iu Europe for her health, as she aver
red; and, returning developeda turn for literature
and religion. That is the way they do: She
made her appearance at this secluded place IN
4 very quiet way, the guest of her cousn TIE
General and save handsome saddle horse, had
no stye whatever No one would dream, to
see her u her simple toilet, so quiet and yet SO
elegant, that she was the once famous belle.
Mr. Hamilton Swagg had nothing to engage
his active intellect but a treatment OF his dis
case and it was the most natural thing in the
world that he should become devoted to the
fair lady She received his attentions gracious,
ly. They walked in pairs, rode together, and
the goSsips of the resort felt real pity tor the
poor youth who was being, as they said, led on
to be Tilted in the end us strings of gudgcons
had been before.
The affair had been going on some six weeks
before arrived, and | was not slow'in coming
to the conclusion that Miss Addic meant bust
ness. thought it pitiful as others did, but
from different standpoint: saw the once
famous belle; who had been 6shed for by some
of the more famous men of the day turned
angler and dropping an almost naked Il hook be be-
lion. She who had gone idly aud wantonly
through rich tileds Of flowers, now on barren