Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1872-01-26

EB Jones, who IS an observane gentle
man, found himself questioned on the
Pennsylvania Patent Screw and Augur
line Of street cars by man from the In
terror of somewhere. he was tall. raw
boned specimen Of humanity. cossumed in
the middle ages of the West-that is,
says Jones, as . middle-sged gentleman
in Indiana, for example, gets up bis wear
ing apparel. The middle-aged man was
accompanied by his wife and two daugh-
lters. and he asked our friend where the
Presidents house was.
"On Pennsylvania avenue, responded
our friend. ~
Whats the NUMBER demanded West
ern innocence.
ut has no number
mo number :" gasped the querist.
"None whatever. It Is the high priv
tilege Of the President not TO be number
led. He is not liable TO number or grade.
He is the only man except Mullst who i
above the Board Of Public Works. II
the Board were % order the Presidents
house numbered, or begin digging about,
the President would rise to . question Of
privilege, and then the Board would be
in devil of fix" .cs s.
"You don't yso7 What would they
do to it, do you supposef" a7zs =
81 can't say precisely; We never had .
precedent. but more than probable the
Board would be split into kindling wood. !"
Poor devil! Well. stranger. I want
to sec the President"
s''Do you want an Office? IF you do
you must SEQ Conkling"
''Do you want an order on the New
York custom house for jobf"
''Don't want that neither. What /
want is little secret between Polly and
me-Polly's my wife,"
"Ohp'
;. "Yes, and it's a pretty big thing. can
tell you."
"Well, I have no wish to pry into fam
lily secrets. will point out the house
when We reach it. Il stands back in .
yard, with scarecrow in front TO keep
the Office seekers from stealing the Presi-
dents garden sass. You 90 to the front
door and ring--no. kick on it-and man
will open it. That is not the President !;
but he will show you up to room where
you will find small man attached 10 q
big nose. That is not the President, al
though he thinks he is. Nosey will ask
you for q card. Don't give him deck ;
he only wants your name on . slip Of pa
per to send in to the President. Then
Nosey viii say. "Sit down." You needu't
be in hurry to do that; you'll have plen-
ty of time. After an hour Nosey will tell
you that the President is seeing Senstors.
II you look sharp you can see them. -
They will come in with their ebeuesers
elevated as if they smelled bad smell.
Then you'll be told at the end of "a hour
that the President is seeing members OF
the House. Then you'll be told the Cab
met is in session-to come again the next
day. The next day you will be put thro'
the same performance, and the next, and
SO on for week, and then the doors will
be thrown open and you will have the pri-
vilege of seeing His Excellency smoke and
say nothing for ten minutes"
"Great thunder! Polly, let's take our
present and 60 home."
present! you don't mean to say that
you have present for the President p
"Yes, we have. Fact is We have a
stuffed goose-the biggest goose that ever
walked: It's a perfect nat'ral curiosity.
that goose, and Polly and determined to
fetch that goose and our daughters on aud
give it to the President"
mo express charge on it?'
"Not Q charge there it 10. the biggesi
nat'ral curiosity Of . goose" II =.
my friend, kick ct that front door ;
say Present for the President. and you'll
see him in three minutes. and before you
can get home you'll be postmaster."
! Jones saw the little family aud the big