Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1872-10-10
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

lee.
THE PLACE FOR PIcNIc-The Sand
wich Islands.
RATIoNs not wanted in the army-Adul-
terations.
HINT To ToPERs-How to keep holi-
day-keep sober.
RAILWAY aphorism-Every milk train
has cow-catcher.
HALF-PAY officers are generally of re-
tiring disposition.
AN ungrammatical judge is apt to pass
an incorrect sentence.
EYE WATER MARK-The tear of beauty
in its ocket-handkerchief.
marriage notice headed Huggins-
Pleasant"
A POET begins an apostrophe to the
ocean with Prodigious dampnessl"
TEACH your children to help them
selves-but NOS to what doesn't belong to
them.
AN artificial florist who lives upon the
second floor may be called a second
Flora.
IT is hard to respect old age when
one gets sold on venerable pair of
chickens.
HuDIBRAs calls matrimony q perverse
fever, beginning with heat and ending
with frost.
INsoLEs made of goose feathers are
the latest invention for keeping the feet
warm.
THERE is a shoe-maker's journal late
ly started-be sure you ask for the last
edition.
THEY say female compositors get through
their copy very rapidly, being anxious to
get the last word.
THERE is poplar tree in Muhlenburg
County, KY, that measures forty eight
feet in circumference.
A CALIFORNIA politician says that the
path of rectitude has been travelled so lit
tie in that State of late years that it has
all run to grass.
TIN cards for tin weddings are in style.
If the mode should extend to providing
gold cards for golden weddings it may
prove expensive.
A MAN who had his leg broken by a
patent flax-carder, says that mash-shin-
cry is the most appropriate name that
could be given to the darned thing.
You are writing out my affidavit on
very rough paper, said client to his
attorney. "Never mind" was the reply.
cit has to be filed before it comes into
court"
THERE is a law in Pennsylvania inn.
posing fine of five dollars for every in
sectiverous bird shot by any one within
period of five years, three years only of
which have passed.
THE Danbury Neaos calls attention to
the light and airy nothingness now COM
ing into market as gate hinge, and says
no young woman can safely trust her
weight to it.
"Do BATS ever fly in the daytime p
| asked a teacher of his class in natural
history. Eyes, SIR" the boys replied.
"What kind of bats ?" asked the aston.
ished teacher. "Brck-bats," yelled the
boys.
"DEAR me, how fluidly he talks ~ said
Mrs. Partington, recently, at temper
| ance meeting. "I am always rejoiced
| when he mounts the nostril, for his
eloquence warns every cartridge in my
body"
AN exchange having advised its read
| ers to plant peas Gin the new of the
moon," the Norristown Herald asks
''But how are they going to do it ? They
can't reach up. The ground is better
place to plant peas, anyhow"
THE latest novelty in the West is tht
discovery that Indians will "sunburn" tn,
same as folks of lighter color, some say
even as much or more than white man
and four or five days exposure turn'
them at least two shades darker.
The story that Philadelphia sportsmeI
were caught firing at New Jersey mosqui
toes, mistaking them for snipe, is the in
vention of an unscrupulous itemizer. Th'
| Philadelphians knew what the insect
were, but despaired of killing them in an.
other way.
A CoUNTRYMAN went to see his lady
love, and wishing to be conversational
observed "The thermometer is twent,
degrees above zelon this evening" eyes,
innocently replied the maiden, 'sucl
kind of birds do fly higher some season
of the year than Others"
AN amusing apecdote is told of King
the actor, who met friend whose nam
he had forgotten, and took him home t
dinner. After several attempts to fin,
out his name, King said "My frien
and have had dispute as to how yo
spell your name; indeed, we have laid
bottle of wine on it." "Oh, with tw
p's," was the answer.
As THE early morning train down thi
morning drew up at the first station,
pleasant-looking gentleman stepped ou
on the platform, and inhaling the fres
air, enthusiastically observed to th
brakeman, "Isn't this invigorating?
"No, sir; it is Bethel" said the conscieI
tious employe. The pleasant-lookin
gentleman retired.-Dan0ury Neus.
Poor ould Ireland has every prospec
of often goin' hungry to bed this winter
n. ~ -l~s 4.
posed to be trif1ing in its effects, has d.
veloped itself to an alarming extent. TIL
vast fields upon which the masses of Ir
land had looked for their principal SUI
port show nothing but black and willie
stalks, as if killed by frost. The unive
sal blight is attributed to the continue
, fogs through the latter part of July.
THE young ladies in a Massachuset
town who sought to play practical joi
) On bachelor physician, by making up
/ costly ''rag" baby, depositing it in ba
i ket, attaching it to the door handle, an
causing the bell to ring, were grieved
/ see man from the street come up an
D walk off with the entire package. The
E are now mourning the loss of twenty-si
Y yards of fine linen, twelve yards of threa
: lace, fsur hemstitch pocket handkerchief
4 and some other valuable property.
i AN Englishman and a German we
travelling together in diligence, an
s both smoking. The German did all
); his power to draw his companion in
d conversation, but to no purpose; at OF
l. moment he would, with super abun
ance of politeness, apologize for drawir
his attention to the fact that the ashes
g his cigar had fallen on his waistcoat, or
y spark was endangering his neckerchie
G At length the Englishman exclaime
5, ''Why can't you leave me alone' Yo
y coat-tail has been burning for the last t,
g minutes, but / didn't bsther you abo
II it."
y A RECENT traveller says: "What {
y ways impresses me more than anythil
{ else in Egypt and Palestine has been t
8, entire absence of cheerful or exhilaratil
= music, especially from children. "
>, never hear them singing in the huts.
70 never heard song that deserved the mar