Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1872-04-18
Humorous Reading.
4 bow ideal-Cupid's.

A bow ideal-Cupid's.
A hard case-An oysters.
Union Jacks-Sailor's friends.
Heavy reading-A ships log.
A singing class-Bull- inches.
Masked bawl-A smothered cry.
A quod-wrangle-Ar row in jail.
New name for fog-Air-apparent.
How to consume time-Eat dates.
Burst of eloquence-An exploded idea.
Query. Does it hurt a joke to crack
it?
Hard to please-Re Refusing to hearthem.
Labor in vein-Worklng in the coal
mines.
Natural slippers-Eels.
The end of the world-To make
money.
A spring bed-A bed of radisbes.
If your tent is not water proof, pitch
What key is the hardest to tune?-
/ Donkey.
The chasm that swallowed up wit
| Sarcasm.
The JOY of the dumb is always un-
speakable.
What grows bigger as you contract itH
Debt.
The drunkard's week is made up of
/ Thirstdays.
How to make a clean sweep-wash
/ him.
/ 4 high note-one for thousand dol
lars.
Clergyrnen and brakemen do the most
coupling.
The tight little ICs)le-kerosene always
on bust.
A pleasant mill privilege-kissing a
factory girl.
The acrobats of every household-the
pitcher and tumbler.
When is a lot Of corn like corner
lot? When it's ground.
Prize fighters. clam eaters and Turks
are all muscle men.
Bores that most people have 10 put up
with-Neigh-bores
Dirt. someone defines as merely matter
out of its proper place.
Misses are more forgetting than for
giving
The most annoying thing out-the hip
joint
] Quakers are never sworn friends; they
don't swear.
The cheapest wine Won can dTink-the
wine of other people.
Modern poets put n great deal Of water
in their ink.-LGoethe.
Why is an oyster Ike a horse BE
cause ne can't climb tree.
No moose Is good news, a. ths man
said when he was reprieyed.
There is a decided difference between
putting a man and blowing him up.
There is no end Of cats in the Isle OF
Man. because they have no tales.
If domestic infelicity drives men 10
sea. they should seek the Pacific ocean
OF what kind of schism is Henry
Ward Beecher guilty OF witticisin
The Enrlishinan who called the Hoo
8 sac tunnel a blasted hole was literally
/ correct.
, Why is a young girl like a music
book? Because she is fun Of airs.
A young lady need not be very hard
up when she's pouting her lips.
: To the mint authorities-f money
2 makes money, is it liable TO be Indicted
Des Moines milkman drives cream
= horses 1t is all on the horses.
t WHY does o. W. Holmes resemble
! acetic acid? Because he's a puD-gent.
When little girl puts a night cap on
! the kitten, does she do it on pur-
t puss?
t What can a man have in his pocket
a when it is empty "A big hole.
Why is milk like the tread-mill BE
: cause it strengthens the calves
Can that be said TO be a generous
Z wine which gives one a headache!
When is a ship like a scarf-pin p
When it IL on the bosom OF heavy
: swell.
Can a watch be said be said to be per
{ fectly dry when it has a running spring
l. inside.
WHY is a mans life safer before h'
f has had his dinner? Because he cam
e die-gest then.
!. Bankers ought to prosper They al
! WAYS take so much interest in their busl
IT ness, you know.
The dead are never i'll. Consequent,
= all disease may be classified as affection
"a of the liver.
e / never was ruined but twice, said
N wit: once when i lost a lawsuit, an
ne once when gained one.
N The nan who popped the question b
ID starlight got his sweetheart's consent j
lie a twinkling
st WHY is a grain of sand in the eye
IN like a school-master's cane ?-Because
hurts the pupil.
Il. If a man loses his breath, be shouldn
lie run for it; he win catch il quicker b
ra standing still 4,
q The man whose hair turned white !
ed a single night is surpassed by the gil
a who lost hers in one dance.
lis A Lanesville man opposes the bullC
at of a railroad to that place, on the groun
that il will scare his horse.