New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1872-10-27
A EEARFuL NAME.
II Gives It's POssessOr as Much Trouble as
if 1t were Murat.
From the New York Sun, 2l.7

Prom the New 4ork sum- q.
F A remarkable case of mistaken identity,
which at one time threatened serious
trouble TO an innocent man, was developed
in the Tombs police court week ago yes
terday On the previous Saturday morn
ing quiet and well dressed man stood on
the Roosevelt ferry bridge waiting for
boat He had on his Sunday clothes, and
was evidently going to wedding or
funeral Presently another individual de-
posted his three cents at the gate, walked
inside, and sauntered after the manner OF
men waiting for boat. Then his eye fell
on the we'll dressed man. He advanced
step. looked at him carefully, seemed to re-
cognize him, and finally walked up from
behind, clapped his hand on the mans
shoulder as though he were an old friend,
and said, in voice that aroused police
officer who was standing near by:
Smith, old boy, how do yeu go it =,
Smith turned, surprised. He tailed to
recognize the hearty man.
Il guess you've made a mistake, he said,
with a slight foreign accent
ooh. now" said the other in a confident,
halt,ioking strain. "Smitty, you can't fool
me- What do you go back on your friends
for, hey? Where are you going 2"
Smith insisted his name was not Smith.
Now, what do you go back on me in that
way forl' repeated the other, somewhat
abating his confident manner. What ails
yOu2 with slight touch of anger 1t
your name amt Smith, what is it "
"My NAME" said the first, lis Kvikh-
paktche-." AS the man proceeded with
his marvellous name, he apparently Wrlthed
in the attempt to articulate it. The name
seemed to be too much even fori its owner. lie
twisted his body, jerked his head, backed
and filled over the grottsque Juxtaposlhon
of letters, and finally. actually reeLng, gave
up before he had finished it.
The vigilant policeman saw him and
grasped his locust firmly. Here he
thought, lis drunken man, and Ill arrest
him." He laid hold on the man, who vlgor-
ously protested, demanding the charge on
which he was arrested. The officer was
deaf to all pleas, and hurried him OFT to
the police station. There his name was de-
manded. He tried to give it. The attempt
gave Sergeant Blair the impression that
the man was not only drunk but crazy, and
that he did not even know his own name.
So he was entered on the blotter under the
comprehensive name OF CHR Smith On
Sunday he was taken to the ToIhbs. jus
tice Honan called the officer and Mr..
Smith" The Justices attention was arrest
ed by the appearance of the prisoner, who
was just the reverse of the class usually
arraigned there.
"Well, officer, what's the matter with
Smith z"
Drunk, your honor" said the officer.
"Mr. Smith" was dumbfounded His
honor was surprised. He said: Smith,
you don't look like drinking man"
"And Pm not" was the reply, "and my
name is not Smith, and l have not been
drunk, and / don't know what all this
means"
mot Smith y said the justice. Then
what is your name 2"
Ny name is Kvikhpa
'He could get no further than before. On
the instant of trying to pronounce his name
he grew red in the face, and as he proceed
ed ne reeled and staggered and gasped in
vain to wrench it out.
Look at him, judge" said the officer.
~ told you so, and he hain't got over it
yet"
Il believe he's drunk after all" said the
justice.
The man at the bar was desperate. BE
frantically dived into his pocket and yanked
out piece Of paper and d pencil.
% [ am not drunk" said the now excited
man, writing, "and there's my name" He
handed up scrap OF paper on which he
had written:
:. F.'J. Kvikhpaktchernitch
His honor looked at the name, drew q
long breath, and looked up at the man.
" You are from Russia " he said, and he
saw at a glance what the trouble was. The
man could not speak his unpronounceable
name, and efforts to do only made him APP
pear like drunken man.
well" said the Justice, d" Mr.. - Mr.
Russian, If were you | would never try to
pronounce my name again, for you are
sure to get into trouble. MY advice is for
you to have some cards printed, and then
go to the Legislature and ask them to
change your name. You can 60"