Marshall County Republican., 1872-07-18
Varieties.

A RoPER-IN-The hangman.
A SOAR place-Up in the clouds.
A BAD thing to keep-Late hours.
A FINAL report-The crack of doom.
The children's ingdom-Lapland.
To make both ends meet-Bow very
low.
IT is impossible to say how many dog
days there are in a year, because every
dog has his day.
"THEY fired two shots at him." wrote
an Irish reporter; I" the first shot killed
him, but the second was not fatal"
IT is reported that the Massachusetts,
shoemakers propose striking. If so,
they will probably hold on to the last,
unless their action is forced to wax to
an end by more Chinese competition.
FAME is like shaved pig with a
creased tail. and it is only after it has
slipped through the hands of some
thousands that some fellow, by good
luck, holds on to it.
A WISCONSIN girl was SO anxious to
know who was making the music under
her window, the other night, that she
fell out of the window, and so scared
her serenader that he fled and left her
to her fate.
Two Hibernians were passing a stable
which had a rooster on it for weather
vane, when one addressed the other
thus: "Pat, what's the reason they
didn't put hin up there instead of
rooster ?' An sure" replied Pat,
that's aisy enough: don't ye see it
would be unconvanient to 60 for the
eggs?''
CONNECTICUT is excited because
young lady of Branford has been caught
at robbing the mails. Why, bless the
unsophisticated Yankee heart, this is
what women have been persistently do
ing ever since Eve robbed Adam of his
share of Paradise.
JOHN GILL, an enamored Mississippi
youth, recently assaulted with a deadly
weapon the object of his alteration be-
cause she declined to be Gill to his Jack.
AS she wouldn't make a match with
him, he took that method to show him.
self more than match for her.
JOHNNY, where is your pa?" "Gone
fishing, SIR "He was fishing yester-
day, was he not?" eyes, SIR" "What
did he catch ~ "One catfish, the rheu-
matism, two eels, the toothache. and
some little ones. Ma says he'll catch
the devil tonight. just wait till he
gets homer J
A YOUNG lady, who was recently out
riding, became alarmed when the horse
began to kick, and naively requested
her beau to get out and hold the ami
malls legs.
NEWLY Married Daughter "How
long does the honeymoon last, nam
map Practical Parent" Until you
ask your husband for some money, my
dear
"WE have span of horses" said an
that support themselves without any
cost" Why, how is that ~ exclaimed
!, listener. "Why, you see," remarked
. the other clothes-horse."
A VERY close-6sted old fellow, in treat
ing friend to some liquor, poured out
very small drink. The latter, taking
, the glass and holding it above his head
) remarked very skeptically, "You say
this is forty years old?' "Yes," re
! piled the host. "Then," replied oul
, friend, all have to say is, it is very
l small Tor It's age!
: A TEMPERANCE lecturer descanting or
1 the superior virtues of cold water, re
4 marked, "When the world had become
/ so corrupt that the Lord could do moth
s ing with it, he was obliged to give it 6
g thorough sousing in cold water
e "Yes," replied topper present, "but il
o killed every critter on the face of the
s EARTH
o A MAN who wanted to buy horse
e asked friend how to tell horses age
n "By his teeth" was the reply. Tn,
y next day the man went to horse-deal
S er, who showed him splendid blacl
: hors The horse-hunter opened tn
It animals mouth, gave one glance at ii
and turned on his heel. 81 don't wan
o him." said he; "he's thirty-two year
k old" He had counted his teeth.
d The following note to school teache
d in Troy shows that there is one woman
is who knows her rights-and knowing
is dare maintain them "miss -i wan
n you to kno that i am the boss of m
d boy and when say want him to cur
Is home at recess mean business and don
81 want him kept till school is out
d mothers aint to say what they want do
- dUOut SUCH buluSs lts tlno eOAAcoou
le knode it don't want trouble but i al
W bound to have my rites youres truely.
. ABERNErHY, the celebrated surgeon
y finding large pile of paving stones o.
Z posite to his door, on returning hon
y one afternoon in his carriage, swol
- % hastily at the pavior, and desired hi
y to remove them. "Where shall tai
u them to? asked the Hibernian. "1
40 hellln cried the choleric surgeo
u u Paddy leant upon his rammer, an
?. then looking up in his face, said vii
a. an arch smile, Hadn't l better tax
them to Heaven ?-sure they'd be mo-
out of your honor's way"
vn We frequently hear of showers
i'd worms, fish, frogs, ETC., but the late
es, and most remarkable development
ng this line is reported from Sandburg,
a this State, where, just after brief D
is heavy shower, live baby was found
We the woods. Its intimate connectit
lily with the squall previously noted is
ur- sisted upon by all the people living
the neighborhood.-Neso York World.