The Van Buren press., 1872-03-05

said the conductor to an elderly lady who
Esd Just 60, aboard at a way-ststion. The
elderly lady looked up, and, drawing forth
4 letter, spoke with voice that was shriiI: 4:
Two Of Mr.. IS children is dead. and
thsyv We writ me to come to the bsrryin'
to-day. Isn't it terrible" The conduc-
tor looked as shocked ss possible and ex-
pressed sympathy. And" continued
the old lady, " wan. ou to let me ride
free " IL can't 10. you ride free unless
you hav, pass, replied the conductor,
millly. Not 20 90 10 a taaeral' p" said
tho old lady. NO. madam" replied the
conductor. 90 I'm sorry to say that the
rules Of the road are very strict. and am
not allowed to discriminate, y =" VOL. |
think you ough,n'tts charge folks for go
ing to- funeral, persisted the oil la'y.
- II we let every body going to funerals
rldc fee. "again spoke the conductor, " it
w ulin't pay, Besides. il would be en-
cou raging the funeral business in n way
that would cast gloom over the entire
con TRY. Your fare is oollar and half,
mad am. :" well. rstortsd tho old lady
dra, 'ing out well filled purse. 81 think
you nigh. let me 80 free, specially as I'm
goin' to q double funeral. Mr.. -----'s
child zen is both dead, and they II be buried
in the, same grave, reckon. Oh it's
tarri Is bow!" And tho old lady. wip-
ing b q eyes, poil her fare As the con-
duc,o moved or. she turned to 'passcn.
ger aa remarked, with some indignation.
"Th.se railroaders 10 the los, uafeeliag
folks ! ever seed.
--- The avaricisus man is like the bar.
ren, sandy ground Of the desert. which
sucks in the rain and dews with gresdness
but yields no fruitfal herbs or plants for
the benefit Of others.
- Theological critics arc distressing
thsmselvss over the question. lis Christi.
auity failure?' mo. Christianity
isn't failure, says tho New York Com.
mercid Adcertissr, /" but the attempt Of a
good many people TO make others believe
they practice it is. ="
- There is this difference beswo,n
happiness and wisdom-he that thinks
himself the happsst really is 20, but he
that thinks himself tue wisost, is generally y
the greatest fool.
- This country is tho only one that
s,xes matches: aud i. is the only one tha,
cannot be matched Tor taxes.
------ A bride recently, after the cercmo-
nv, asked tho clergyman to give OUT tho
hymn: This ia tho way l long have
sought.
- Said Bloggs the other day when
applied to for loan OF ten dollars, :"
have ouly five lending tens, and they're oil
out"
- A gentleman the other evening OBJ
jec,ed 30 play cards with lady, because
he said she had such winning way about
her.
- Why are pen makers the most dis
honorable persons IN the world ? because
they make people steel pens and then cay
they do write.
- Josh Billings says: Praze and
abuse are both good in their place, but II
kant have but one. give me the abuse.
A young man who keeps sollee
iian Of III. lock. of hair Of his lady friends
calls them his hairbrcadth escapes.
Husband. il on honest man i,
Gods nobest work. pray what i, an hon
est woman!' Ills rarest, dear. wa,
the uncivil reply.
- Mrs. Stephen A. Douglas. Will
Jams Is the leader in society at Fers Laav
enwerlh, whore her present husband is il
command.
- A wretchei old bachelor says % AZ
ter all. q woman's heart is the swes.es
thing in the world; it's . perfect honey
conb-full Of sslls.
--- II Burns were living now. he woul'
tell the man that wants to see himself a
others see nm, TO run for office.
Coleritlge toll us Of a man who had sus'
an overwhelming self.esteem that he neve
spoke Of himself without taking off hi
lar.
- Two little boys who were familiar
lv'callcd Tom and Jack. on the first da,
at school. were askel their names. t
which ihe frs. replied, Tom. "Tha
!. nat polite. y said the teacher, "you
zeal, name is Taomas. then turning Il
Jack, whose face seemei suddenly 4
brighten up with the iish. Of . new idea
sstd Nav nv liuls man. whA, 10 you
nsms?' y" Jaek-ss-.' niamphansly re
piled the l;;,!e nrelin.