The Van Buren press., 1872-06-25

ES Long utN!HlOA-Nrp rpaIaiiph LOT
life,
rs- \ stamp you can't buy--The
stamp of gentleman.
sF Why is sickle like an aversion
Because it goes against the grain.
Iy- The best household receipl-The
receipt Of your tradesmsn's bills,
Es- Is the way TO gel the exact weight
of a FISH to way him in his own scales
Eg- The most irredcemahlc bonds yet
known TO the financial and moral world
are ragoboHa
IE Josh Billings says that olanl,r jt
like tin kettle tied to a dogs tail--ycry
good for fun long as it isn't our dog.
Iyr When Your door bell is pulled by
a friend you have invited TO dinner, may
that be called an engagement ring
IS- a bachelor is politely described
MS man who has neglected his oppog-
tuai.y of making some woman mis- ralis
Ec- a young woman, being asked by
politician which party she was most IN
favor of, replied that she preferred q
wedding party
LIQUID BLrING Ore ounce Of Chinese
blncing (pulverized,) } half ounce oXalii
acid, aud one quart Of rain water, makes
one Of the cheapest and best liquid blu
ings
Is- why Did he not De- i, the
tiile of new novel We have not read
the conuudrum but believe the answer to
hc Because he refused to take his med
icinc.
IF- We will meet in heaven, has
band dear, is the atlectionatc epilaph
which an Ohio woman has had inscribed
upon the tomhstones Of each OF her three
husbands. Trouble ahead in that family
certain
E.s- The word love in the Indian Ian
gulge, is Observation-Disclosures. "
How nicely it would sound whispered
aor,ly in lady's ear" schcmlcnda.
mourtchwager You.
EE- An old bachelor at a wedding
feast had the hcartcssness to offer the
following toast; " Marriage gate
through which the happy lover leaves bis
enchanted regions and returns to earth. \"
GS- The following curious advertise
mcnt appeared in New York paper: "Fir
ty dollars will be paid to any person who
will, il Il short time, convert a shy, low
speaking man into an impcrtinent, lond
speaker.
Eg' Said Detroit lady to gentle
man OF that city, You are not 4 musi
clan, believe. " "No, " said he, III |
were the proprietor of a hand organ, set
expressly ito play 'ON llundred,' /
couldn't get seyenty-dve out Of it, y
GS- Nearly fifty years ago writer in
the London Times began lesding arti,
cl, with the phrase, " We Numbered forth
the other day, etc Hence some of the
Times contemporaries called the paper
" The Thuadcrer, and the title still
clings to it,
Es' The discovery is announced in
Hungary Of an almost entire human Skol-
ctua, together with u stone hammer at
depth which, according to theories Of
modern geologists, would prove that
man mus, have existed log before tie
"mammotA age
sg Ia, UJ,d ultramontaue Was
Originally applied to the Papal Govern
ment, Italy being "heyond the noun.
,ains in respect to the rest of the Con-
tmcnt. Now all who hold belief in the
unbounded supremacy Of the Pope and
the union of church with state are called
Cltramontanes.
Ee- A Western New York miss un-
gulrdedly made the remark in the family
circle recently that when gentlemen eat
warm maple sugar it gets into their mus
tachcs and makes them scrarchy Her
father is curious to knew how she found
il ont.
EJ- The Count de Grass was once
wounded in tho knee with a mUSkct ball
The doctors cut and hacked, and made
many incisions, when getting out Of all
patients, the Count asked why they cut
him up so much I'VE are seeking,
said the surgeon, " for the ball "Whl
ntyou mention that before nave
.Ic ball in my pocket" "
Ey-"Look out there. wha; are you
xcking my dog tori "im kicking
him cause he's full Of heas and don't
want to get 'em on my clothes ;, "Flcas
the deuce. Why that dog sleeps with
me . "Ycs. coafouad you, that's where
he gets EN-
TF- "a woman's greatest enemy is
the looking glass, said husband to
hi, wife Who was sdmiring herself in the
mirror, while he was slipping his wine
That may be- " she retorted " but il
does not cause he and her children half
50 much woe as her husband $ wine lass
does
BLENDERS OF BAsuFULSIss If there
is any defect more striking then another,
in the American character, it is bashlul-
ness. Young America, in particular, is
painfully affected by it. An incident is
mentioned by correspondent, who was
desired by his aunt to 60 to the neigh.
Dor, Shaw's, and see if he had for sale
any straw suitable for beds.
Mr., Shaw. says our informant was
blessed with goodly Aumbcr Of Misses
Shaw, and therefore felt a little timid
at cncounteIing them. 70 make the