The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1872-04-06
VARIETY.

ANY fool can make woman talk. but it's
rather hard to make one listen
There are two reasons why some people never
mind their own business. One Is that they
haven't any business, and the second is that they
have no mind.
Br Beecher said, Sunday evening, that there
'sare some men who make good prayers. and are
apparently devout Christians, whom would not
trust out of my sight"
A Welsh farmer residing near Utica, while
being run away with by pair of frightened
horses, shOuted-''I leave my wife $4,000; no
time to make will He is still alive, but badly
bruised.
Josh Billings says that the difference between a
blunder and a mistake is this When man puts
down bad umbrella and takes up good one, be
makes mistake but when he puts down good
one and takes up bad one, he makes a blunder.
Mrs. Woods, of Blillersburg, Holmes county,
Ohio. is driving good business with the aid Of
the LIQUOR law She has recovered $4,000 from
dealers who have sold liquor to her husband, and
the old man still sticks to the saloons.
A Yankee in England, being annoyed by the
constant bOasting superiority of English girls,
finally siIenced laudation by declaring that they
had a girl in Boston, III years old, who could
chew gum in seven different languages, with her
eyes shut
Missouri parent overcame his sons aversion
to medicine by inducing IHt corrupt yOun8ster 10
make a hearty meal from buck-wheat cakes and
syrup of sauilIs. The boy said he thought some
thing allied the mOlasses when his father told him
to eat all he wanted.
4 Rochester young lady has sued photograph
er Of that city for s. 900 damages, because he
displayed of her pictures IN front of his place
with this paclrl attached: 'One-haIf n dozen
photographs ordered by this very stylish young
lady, and payment respectfully asked and insult
ingly refused
Not all historians are reliable. Thus: "Eli
Perkins informs US that Albany named after
the Albany EreHiHg Journal. 'Mr. Weed he
says, s'started the Journal there great many
years before house was built, and people came
and settled near by as to be where they could
read the newspaper
There Is a little railroad at Bayou Sara, Louis
lana, that Wuodville on a very uncertain
schedule. A stranger came in the other day and
enquired how often the steam cars made trips to
the country. The party interrOgated said, ''Tri-
weekly What do you mean by tri-wcekly?'
The answer was, alt goes up one week and tries
10 come down the next.
Artemus Ward was on a slow California train,
and he went to the conductor and suggested that
the cOw-catcher was the wrong end of the
train for said he, - You will never oyertake a
cow YOU know, but it you d put 1t on the other
end It might be useful, for there's nOthin'
ON earth to heuder COW from walkin' right in
and bitin' the folks -
An editor and his wife were walking out in
the bright moonlight one evening. Like all ed-
tors wives. she Of an exceedingly poetic ma
ture, and said to her mate Notice that
moon how bright, and calm, and beautiful! y
q. Couldn't think of noticing ii, returned the
editor =. for anything less than the usual rates
Il dollar aud fifty cents for twelve lines
BEHIND THE TI,rEs-A clergyman. on exchange,
found note in the Bible TO the effect that brother
A requested tine prayers of the church that the
loss Of his wife might be blessed to him, etc. The
preacher prayed most leryently. To his amaze
Inent and modification he found that the note had
lain in tie pulpit year. while the bereaved man
was this Sabbath sitting with new wife IN
the congregation
AL,DY's AGE-Some of our younger readers,
InathematicalIy inclined, may derive both amuse-
Inent and profit from the solution of the follow
ing problem:
"A young asked hi. hi. sweet swss'heaF!'s hear ase'
six s 3mt 'as: seven Psa shd fss2 .s2t EIiTg @s a sh
As much above mines and four
As twice my age exceeds a score"
The Danbury, Conn, NeIcs says: "a young
lady IN a neIghbOring town has taken up den
tistry for a living. All the gentlemen patrOnize
her. When she puts her arm around the neck
of patient and careSses his Jaw for the Offend
inc member, the sensation is about as nice as
they make EN-. One young man has become
bopeIessly infatuated with her. Consequently he
hasn't a tooth in his head. She has pulled every
blessed one of them: and made him two new
sets and pulled them. She is now at work on
ms fatber's saw. lie holds the saw.
A facetious individual not many miles from
Danbury, sought to . draw his wife out by
pretending to be found dead with empty laud-
anum vial bv his side. And that lady was a
good deal shocked at first, but having read that a
needle introduced in the human flesh would indi-
cate on its surface whether that flesh was dead,
= pnnra FVI gfy
she at once armed herself with polished cam
bric of nearly two inches growth, and with
throbbing heart and bated breath introduced a
good share of its length into appropriate pOr-
tion Of the deceased. What the surface of the
needle really indicated was not learned as he
L = h.. rlasaed tLarnnrh the aaah