The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1872-01-21

0QUumIO0 10 LOU IOOk - LuOOKu Cu0y
were in hurry, yet it IL certain that q
first they must have been pressed for time
Mr.. Malaprop declares IL abe lives to b,
q hundred-aud all her family detain 9
venerated age-she will certainly have Z
Saint Emery.
"What docs that look like ~ asked far
mer B., holding out his brawny hand
"That," replied Amos, CLOCKS a. though
you were out Of SOAP"
MWhat do you propose to take for your
cold u said lady to . sneezing gentleman.
go, I'll sell IL very cheap. I WON'T higgle
about the price at all"
occupation than playing cards Because
you play at chess with two bishops and at
cards with four knaves.e
"The boy at the head of the class win
state what were the dark ages of the world"
Boy. Tsey were the ages just before the
invention of spectacles."
Binks tumbled down stairs the other day,
and that wretch Bevins said that it was q
better proof Of the descent of man than any
Darwin had given. How very rean.
Il is said that if you take two letters
We have heard Of q man who took money
from two letters, and there wasn't any left.
An Oswego brakesman went to sleep in
Church, and electrified the deacon who
took mp the collection, by remarking
drowsily: "Tbat's all right, work on
this road"
"Johnny, how does the thermometer
stand" against the wall, dad" ~ mean,
how is the mercuryf" ~ guess it's pretty
than yesterday Z" 81 don't know, dad
but I'll 60 and feel"
A rural editor has lost all faith In the
luck Of horse shoes. He nailed one over
his door recently, and that morning there
came by mail three duns and seven ''stops,"
and q man called with revolver to ask
who wrote that article.
A western Judge is reported to have thus
addressed q prisoner before him prior to
Providence has given you a good degree
of health and strength, instead of which
You 60 about the country stealing ducks"
Profanity never did any man the least
good. No man is the richer, or happier, or
wiser for 1t. 1t commends no one to any
society. It is disgusting to the refined,
a6ominable to the good, insulting to those
mind, Improbable, needless. and Injurious
to society.
A lady, sitting in the same box of an
opera house with French physician, was
much troubled with ennui, and happened
to cape. EXCUSE me, ma'am," said the
doctor, "I am glad You did not swallow
me-" "Give yourself no upeasiness," said
the lady, "I am a Jewess, and never eat
pork"
A young lady sitting at front window
in Danbury, Mass, tossing in her hand
what might have been ball of white yarn,
attracted the attention Of middle-aged
chap on tie street, whose gallantry prompt |
cd him to hold up his hands for catch.
She accommodated him. The article proved |
1So ond o1iD1,kaI f,v,k
it is not to be supposed that the lady knew
it was bad one.
A judge in Iowa attempted to settle the |
disputed ownership of q calf Solomon
fashion, by depositing the animal midway |
between the residences of the contesting |
parties, and noting the direction it took. |
The calf, who was not posted in the Scrip |
fence, and was in the next township before
the counsel had time to move an arrest of
Judgment.
A man went to Mr.. Greeley the other
day and told him he was destitute, he did
not even'have cent, and wanted to know
what he should do. Horace scratched his
head and thought minute, and then said,
" I'll tell you what to do. You buy o ten
cylinder Hoe press, and 60 to some station
ON the Pacific Railroad, away from civili-
cation, and start an eight page morning
paper, and grow mp with the country"
New York claims him now-the one hun
dred and thirteen years old man who voted
for all the Presidents, saws wood, was the
groom of Washington, body-servant of
Jackson, coachman Of Jefferson and barber
TO Franklin. He walks twenty-five miles
every morning before breakfast, has used
rum and tobacco for eighty-fve years, and
never was sick q day in his life. His teeth
are in the highest state of preservation, he
can read agate type by moonlight and can
hear the lowest whisper at q distance of
several miles, ETC., etc.
newsboy was run over by an omnibus
Just az he was propounding o conundrum
to another newsboy. "Why," ne asked,
with guilty leer, " are the At this |
point the horses dsrted madly over him
he lodged the pole, unlocked the traces, |
and lay down in an instant, SO as not to |
obetruct the passage of the vehicle; then /
brushed of the dirt, stood on his head and |
gathered up the question, " Why are the |
candle-fed Esquimaux not troubled with |
dyspepsia :" All gave it up, even the pc
liceman who had come to arrest him. "Be- |
he laughed hoarsely-" they