The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1872-08-09
ED Rss.l.shuns for ls7s 8 1s7a.

Thst / wont borry nor lend-espe-
cialiy lend.
That will liv within mi inkum, if
1 hav to get trusted few do it.
That will be polite tew evry body,
except muskeeters and bed-bugs.
That wont advise emmy BODY, until
kno the kind ov advise they are
anxious tew follow.
That i wont wear enny.mor tite
boots, If I have tew go barefoot tew do it.
That wont eat emmy more chicken
soup with one-tined fork.
That wontswop dogs with no man,
unless kan swop two for one.
That | wont objekt TO emmy man on
ackount ov his color, unless he happens
to be blue.
That wont swear emmy, unless am
put under oath.
That wont beleave i'm total de-
prayity, only in gin at 4 shillings a
gallon.
That poverty may he blessing, but
II il liz, it is blessing in disguise.
That will take mi whisky hereafter
straight-straight to the gutter.
That the world owes me a living
provided learn it.
That will stick tew mi taylor az
long az he will stick tew me.
That / wont swop enny bosses with
q deacon
That no man shall beat me in po-
likeness, not SO long az politeness kon-
tinues tew be az cheap az it liz now.
That / went have emmy religious
kreed miself, but will respekt every
body else's.
That if lovely woman slnacks me
on one cheek, will turn her on the
other also.
That If a man calls me a phool,
wont ask him to prove it.
That will lead moral life, even if
/ lose good deal of plum by it.
That if a MAI tells me mule wont
Xix, 1 will behave what he SEE without
trieing it.
That if emmy body Ioozes even
goose will weep with him, for it liz
tuf bizness few lOoze goo3e.
Tha if ever do git a hen that kan lay
2 eggs a day, snail insist upon her
keeping on Ov the eggs on hand for a
sinking phund.
That it liz no disgrace few be bit by
dog unless he duz it the scckoned time.
That it liz just az natral to be born
ritch az poor, but it liz seldum SO con-
venient.
That one ov the riskyest h'ngs few
straddle liz the bak of a 60 day note.
That the best time tew repent ov
blunder IL just before the blunder liz
made.
That will Fri hard tew be honest,
but it will be just mi darn luck tew
miss it.
That wont grow emmy kais. Spon-
taneous kats have killed the business.
That will love mi mother-in-law if
it takes all the money kan earn tew
do 1t.
That beleave that real good lies are
getting skarser and skarser every day
That will respekt publik opinion
just az long az kan ,respekt myself in
doing it.
That when hear man Dragging on
hiz ancestors wont envy him, but
will pity the ancestors.
That 1 wont beleave in emmy ghost
or ghostesess unless they weigh about
$50 pounds and kan eat good square
meal.
That wont bet on nothing, for
things that require betting Oh LAX sum-
thing.
That will brag on mi wife all the
time, but will do il silently.
That wont be surprised at emmy
thing, not even tew be told that Ben
franklin waz spendthrift, or that
Lazarus died ritch.
That will deepize most things that
see, not out ov malice, but out ov wis
dunn.
That / wont banker for happiness,
but il see emmy that think is a bar
gain will shutup one eyeand go for it.
That wont wish was ~ pure az
King david, but that was rurer than
am.
That wont kovct emmy mans wife,
nor hiz oxen, nor hlz kornstalks, nor
the color ov hiz mustash.
That will l,ff every good chance
kan git whether it makes me grow
phatt or not.
FinaIly,i will seaach for things that
are little, for things that are lontsum,
avoid all torch lite proseshuns, bands
Ov brass music, wimmin's rights con-
venshuns, and grass widders generally.
Prospect Of Bad Crops i'm Europe.
From Austro-Hungary comes intel
ligence which renders it improbable
a
the wheat crop of America for this
year. In various portions of the mon
archy, the prospect of the crops has
been completely destroyed. Hungary
has been termed the granary of the
world; the black, fertile soil of the
Banat is so we'll adapted TO raising
wheat that frequently from 80 t. Al
bushels of choice wheat have Ieen
raised TO the acre. Now this region is
completely inundated with water. Over
wide extent of territory nothing can
be discovered but fi,h ponds and
marshes but the eye of the railroad
traveller meets with water n all sides
More than 100000 of acres are now
under water.
Somewhat similar has been the cX-
perience of Bohemia. Toward the
end of May there were heavy falls of
rain accompanied with waterspouts, so
that the rivers Elbe, Maldau, Eyer,
and Beraun overfiowed their banks
and inundated the country with such
fearful rapidity that i'm most of the
flooded districts the water rose four or
five f e. i'm minute. Great di-aster
was the result, more than two hum
dred persons were drowned, and an
immense numb,r of houses have been
destroyed; in some places whole vii
lagos are in ruins, while TO use the
language of an official report, chill
ions worth of property have been
"destroyed, whole tracts of cultivated
"land have been converted into Il
"descrt, and covered with sand and
"mud to a d-p'h of from two TO
"three feet, i'm addition TO the property
"destroye1 in crops, houses, roads,
bridges, and sior,d goods. 1t will
mot be possible 10 cultivate any of
that land this year, portions of it not
seven in the next; and many acres
twill be utterly lost for agricultu 4
purposes, the expense of restoratio
"being too great TO be borne by the
people" A direct consequence of this
failure of the markets which have sup
piled a great portion Europe vith
grain, would appear to be the necessity
of drawing large supplies from other
countries. With favorable crop in
the United States, considerable eX-
portat;on of grain may be required to
supply the deiiciency.-N y Tribune.
Railway in Egypt.
The staff of surveyors and assistants,
nearly thirty in number, taken out by |
Mr.. John Fowler, c. E., to make a sur