Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1872-08-06
Las2ach for HaE22sO7'5StS.

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When corn is converted into whisky, it must
become the "giddy maze" we hear OF.
There are two things man seldom forgets-
his first Love and his first Smoke.
A Toledo chap was quite smitten with his
neighbours wife. She did it with rolling pin.
Our poor young man remarks that It.. the only ?II
advice he gets from capitalists is to i've WITH
in his income" whereas the difficulty he eXpe-
riences is to live without an income.
A family of three, with no less than eighteen
trunks, has arrived at Newport. The trunks
do not contain the brains of the family.
A Facetious hackman encourages customers
in this hot weather by saying: Thermometer
warranted no higher than ninety-one in this
here coach. !"
A little boy aocosted bis para thus: Papa,
makes you think sop Because the top of
your head is coming through your hair."
A Detroit woman was lately married while
her son, young man of twenty, who had APP
peared on the scene with a revolver, threaten
ed to shoot the bridegroom and preacher, was
held down and sat on by some of the invited
guests. ~
An Eastern editor thus announces the death
OF MS Id6lGT. II uduu OISdulSL COLueS EOuuu
to our Office every day or two and plaintively
grinds out about Come home, dear father,
come home He is informed that he need not
come here again. The old man went home yes
terday."
Bibbs was married the other day to very
quiet not to say stupid girl, with face like a
dolls. Some one remarked to huntington that
Bibbs had been on the lookout for a wife for
some time, and had now s'wooed and won. p
huntington said, "Yes, wooden, one, that's
just what she is. -
Say what you have mind to about mules,
they will have their own way when they make
I'D their mind to. In Louisville, the other day
one of them kicked up behind, and after knock
ing pint of teeth out the driver, laid down in
the shaft and went to sleep with a smile on his
face that was perfectly child-liko and bland.
The Next Thing. A deacon who keeps a
grocery store having instructed his clerk, when
out of desired article, to call the attention OF
the customer to the next nearest thing, was a
little astonished when his pastor called and en-
duired for new molasses, to hear the clerk say,
1--WE have no new molasses, but we have some
nice new rum.
In San Francisco, paper is out Of benevo-
lence by little fun at its expense, and says
1--WE regard the atroclous correspondent as ar
internal hend, false t0ngued midnight mon
ster, red-handed assassin, thief, he-school
marin, fraud, ghost, and an unpleasant per-
son. We esteem him as pea-green demon Of
the steauing pit, with cottonwood tail, eyes
in his sides, and cord neck studded with hot
door-knobs If there is anything worse thar
this, we thiuk him that.
A SHEET IRON GAIA reporter of the
Cleveland Leader has invented sheet iron cat
with cylindrical attachment and steel clawSand
teeth. It is worked by clock work. II bellows
inside swells the tail TO oeillgerent size
and tremolo attach roodJ causes, at the same
time the natent oat to emit all noises of which
the living Eat is capable When you want fur
yor Wind up your cat and place him on the
roof. Every cat within half mile hears him
girds on his armor and sallies forth. Frequent
Iy fifty or one hundred attack him at once NJ
sooner does the patent cat feel the weight o.
an assailant than his teeth and claws work witt
lightning rapidity. Adversaries within six fee
of him are torn to shreds. Fresh battalions
come on to meet similar fate, and in an hour
several bushels of hair, toe nails and fiddle
strings alone remain.