Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1872-04-11
Varieties.

Varieties. hEr1 s5Es
AUTUMN hues-cutting wood for win,
ter.
CASH advances-Attentions to rich
widow. -ft. ..9S
WITH what musical instrument would
you catch fish Castanet. .,,
WHAT part of rifle is like an as
sau1t2 The breech of the piece.
CAN you suggest suitable wife for a.
scotsman? oh, yes, nursery-maid. ?
TWEED expects to go to Saturn when
he dies-so that he can join one of the
rings.
To PoULTRY-KEEPERs-Is there any diff
ference between hen-stealing and cock,
robin ? e- .,s.geyeF
ANNUAL Towering plants are said to.
resemble whales, because they come up
to blow. l Z fc fsTe
THE debt of nature should never be
paid if it can't be collected without an,
!" execution"
THE French have a very significant
saving: 1t is always the unexpected
which happens. - Is4.,a
PLAToNIc LOVE, like all other tonics, is
very exciting, and should be taken
homeopathically. stassox - -
If you let the cat out of the bag,
never try to cram it back again it only
makes matters worse. ".
WHAT is the difference between a
waltz and young widow? One Is
giddy whirl, and the other a wiody-girL
A DARkEY preacher lining out a hymn
| from memory said: -rs
| Plunged in gulf of dark despair,
Ye wretched sinners-co1se owt Of ddr r.
AN old lady of Auburn, N. Y, makes
a salve which she claims will remove
proud flesh, and suggests a plaster for
each church door. 1f ba
Co-NUN-DRUM-Are the fair inhabitants
of a convent generally SO meager in ap-
pearance because they lead a-nun-
natural kind of hfe2
THE question of where all the Smiths
come from is answered. A factory in a
neighboring city bears the sign, "Smith
Manufacturing Company"
Mr.. T. WINKLE having married Miss
Starr, in Georgia recently, the Savannah
Neoos epithalamizes the pair with ct.
Wrinkle, T. Wrinkle, little Starr"
| WHY does young woman when she's
fitted frown upon the world at larger
Why, naturally enough, being cutlass
who has met with Toll, she looks dag
gers.
AN Augusta, Ga, ghost wears No. 10
shoes. The most inveterate scotfer
must acknowledge that here is an un-
questionable instance of a sole revisiting
the earth. o, -lr
A BosToN girl tried to commit suicide
by lunching on "Parson's Rat Exter-
D. | liza nf tho
WavcrLy Magazine in the house, SO they
gave her an emetic, and she lives.
A SOUTHERN paper says in its local
columns: ga negro and two fine young
mules were drowned in the river Yester-
day. The mules were remarkably fine
animals, and cannot be easily replaced"
"Do YOU think" asked Mrs. Pepper,
"that little temper is a bad thing in a
woman ?'' Certainly not, na'am,p p re-
Piled gallant philosopher; it is 8
good thing, and she ought never to
lose it."
"MRs. MUFFIN" said a visitor, +" Emily
has your features, but 1 think she has
her fathers hair.' "Oh, now l see"
, said the dear little Emma, it's because
have fathers hair that he has got to
wear a wig"
7 AN English Peer, Lord Stanley, of
t Alderley, has been fined $25 for ballast
; ing lady's dog with swan shot.
THE landholders of Florida have
! ! formed State Association for the pur
= pose of encouraging immigration.
A GENTLEMAN in London lately, In
n making return of his income to the Ta7
Commissioners, wrote on the paper
t "For the last three years my income hai
e been somewhat less than Sl50; in futur'
r it will be more precarious, as the NAL
n is dead from whom borrowed tn
e money"
L The statistics of suicide show tina
more men take their own lives thal
~ women. Among the latter, suicide
y more frequent in youth than in mature
r. years. The statistics further prove tbs
y most men who commit self-murder al
'" single and most women married. l
70 Italy there are annually three suicide
10 in every 100000 inhabitants; in Austrii
FIVE; in Belgium, six; in England
III | savaI, in Prussia twelve: in Denmarl