The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1872-04-12
VARIETIES.

-"Ah, Jenny" said a sympathizing
friend to q man who was just too late for
the train, you did not run fast enough"
" Yes l did," said Jenny "but didn't
start soon enough"
"A New Bedford man vented his spite
by paying a Judgment of $2S limb of the
law had obtained against him, in one cent
pieces. The lawyer says he never before
thought S2S was so much money.
Lately u man carried challenge to
mortal combat to Jacksonville brewer,
who, as soon as he read the message, turn
ed to and whipped the bearer in rough
and tumble fight, and said, "Maybe some
more of dem wants to make droubles nit
metz
-" Ma, why don't you speak 2" asked
little Jake. why don't you say sunthin
funny 2" "What can l say3 Don't you
see I'm frying doughnuts Say something
funny, indeed'' oval, yer might say,
Jake, won't yer have q cakc?' That nd
be funny for you."
The last !ibe at the expense of &c II. c."
reports that in an agricultural essay on to-
ripen well unless the tin foil is stripped
from the growing bud early in the spring
and that plug tobacco ought to be knocked
off the trees with clubs, instead of being
picked off with the hand"
"A citizen of Lawrence who bought
some pills of quack doctor in Boston, be
came nervously fearful that they might con
tain poison, and did not take them, but
his wife becoming ill few days after, he
gave them to her. Finding them harmless
he foolishly exposed his previous suspi-
cions, and fhis wife dosen't experiment on
him the next time he is sick, she must he
a very weak woman.
"A young woman delegate in the recent
Ohio Convention of Women Suffragists
plumply said:
"For my own part, love men individ-
ually and collectively better than women
and so, am sure, does every one ofmy sex,
if they, like me, would utter their real senti-
ments. | am more anxious for mans ele
walton and improvement than woman's,
and so is every true woman"
That's the reason she wants to vote.
HAsH.-Hash is made of cast of yitt!es,
and has done more to advance the human
race than any other kind of mixed food
For breakfast, small tenderline steak,
some ham and eggs, four baked potatoes,
Il plate Of buttered toast, some slapjacks, u
No. mackerel, two cups of coffee, and
some hash-is good. l worship hash this
way better'n any other. l have seen hash
myself that had my doubts about, but I
ate it--and still live. | love hash-from
principle-an this is my rule. watch
the landlady, and if she eats it. take
"some more hash" This is what makes
me so popular at all boarding houses where
I live.-[Josh Billings.l
"A circus company in Iowa owed an
editor bill for advertising and refused to
pay it. Thcreupon the editor called upon
the sheriff, who attached the Bengal tiger
and brought him around to the newspaper
office in his cage. He was placed in the
composing room, and during the first two
days he not only consumed fifteen dollars
worth of beef, but he scratched six dollars
worth of trousers from the leg of tie local
reporter, who endeavored to stir him up
with broom handle to make him rear,
On the third day the tiger broke loose, ana
the entire force of compositors descended
the staircase with judicious suddennes4
The editor was alarmed to find his exit
through the composing room was cut otl
and that the latch upon the sanctum door
was broken. SO he climbed out oftha win
dow and sought safety upon the roof. The
paper was not issued for u week, and even
after the tiger was shot the editor had To
slide down the water spout, because he was
afraid to descend by the route by which he
came,