Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1872-06-21
HUMORSOAIE.
Song of the flower seed-Lay me in my
littla bad

Nllle ler mOt0er was looking on.
The mother of an unmanageable Irish boy,
living in Portland, recently excused him TO
the police by saying, "Sure, Patsey isn't
bad boy at all, but he IS troubled with 4 rush
Of mind to the brain -
Charles Henry Sainsbury Piekwick an
nounces that owing to the comic popularity
of his last name he shall be compelled to
drop it, Only three names left. Poor
Charles Henry Sainsbury.
Ping Wing, the freman's son, was the
very worst boy in all Canton; he stole his
mothers picked mice. ID he threw the cat
in the boiling rice ; and ie ate her up, and
then says he, Me wou .er where the new
cat be :"
A Tious uncle in the country writes to
some of his city relatives to say that he cx-
poets to be with them about the 9th of June,
I'D. V, =" whereupOn q fppant young niece
exclaims. ''What! is uncle John going in
for the Dolly Warden business to ?''
\ theatrical man Of experience was re
marking to a friend how great an attraction
a snowy spectacle introducing real water had
with the public. "Ah - chimed in the
other. that's because people see so little
real water of the stage
Curl Polly-Sj that's the new baby the
doctor has sent here to mamma, Freddie
Freddie Yes. And don { it squcal? and
| DO say It's a great shame for the doctor to
send babies when people are i'll Ike poor
mamma. hate him
Mr. Martin F. Tupper has proclaimed the
joyful tiiings that he has nothing more to
add to any department Of human experience.
In view of which some one remarks, sadly 3:
Nothing is certain, but If nothing Is certain.
how can it be certain that nothing l. certain.
Frenchman. Madam. you charge yer
mo5ch too big price for that room. Land
lady Oh, You know. we at the watering
places must make hay while the sun shines.
Frenchman Indignantly > Madame, yoa
+ sail never make ze hay OF me. Nou must
not link zit because all flesh is grass zat Won
can make hay fine.
Two llibcrnians passing stable which
/ had rooster on it for a weather yaue, when
one addressed the other thus. "Pat, what S
the reason they didn't put a bH up there
instead of a r5oN,r2" An sure. replied
Pat, that's aisy cuough-d1n't You see it
would be unconyanient to . for the eggs
1t is common to speak of those whom a
firt has Tilted as her victims. This is a
grave error. Her real victim is the man
whom she accepts. \ happy s.m.ie runs
thus \ c9guetJe is r1ee, from whom
every lover pluck7 a .eai the 'h'rn remains
iar her 'oture husband
: baby recently had TIE misfortune ID
swallow the contents Of an ink bottle. it
mother, with wonderful Troseuce of mind,
Immediately administered box OF steel pens
and two sheets of flolscap paper, and the
child has felt write inside ever since.
An out-of-town couple applied at a drug
store for soda water '.What -irap2" pro-
pounded the clerk. s'Sirup? siruu2" re.
ueated the bucolic Top. with an incrciullu-
stare. and then. leaning forward. be added
imrressivelv. "Sce here. stranger. money
ain no ohioc, to ne t0-day-y1u can tut
sugar in 'em.
\ lady whose i1ndness i5r gchc-0u- living
had given her a flushed face and carbuncled
nose. consulted DR.. Cheyne. Upon survey.
ing herseif in the glass. she exclaimed,
..Where in the name or wonder. Doctor did
get such a nose ?'' ''Out OF the dlcants-
madam, replied the doctor
\ quiet old gentleman of New York think.
that be could forgive Boston q portion of hen
b. high dutin,s. ." If she would only invite al
the street musicians 10 take rar; in Lci
coming Juhilce-aud keen them
H., E. ., -.--s,,.-.,s. .,rO1 C-.,t-r IT.
-,-rirr, - snail cn,-lsJ fr,11,
tn1ttv berc-rocle5 rr'an5. down bumrei
ropnd .b,pl3srcd cnIfv rreciri,v and zen
erally--hot-up, sc'oped out, rayioed, in'i'z
ioie- irregular greasy ana -iia--ideA -Aaail
town
The authorities of the Germantown, Penn
sylyaua. poor house. have named the las
received i1undiiug Dolly Warden. ~, Wher
that girl gets to be large enough % apVreci
ate the magnitude Of the outrage, she d0o-n'
burn down that poor house, she is not the
glTl she ought 10 bc.-L'li'ri'f 'otH'f
Journal
" Mother" said good little boy. " is j
wicked to say damn -
~ les, my son. tha. is swearing
- + it wicked to saw Golfer dam 3'
..No. nv dear, but why Do y0u ask ?''
d" Because, when our ola cow got ch0kcl
father said he was afraid she'd Golfer dan
head of -"
\ little b,y once c,ms rpnniu, iu-, h,
mothers room. and said O mother
came 80 near being drowned in the Clicka
hominv to-day How. nv son? exclaimed
the mother in greatalarm. Why. some bow
asked rc to 70 with them to the Chickahom
inv. bathing. and If had zone, / should
certainly have been drowned. for you know
can't swim
The Norwich Adrert's.r says "A youn,
lady, very pretty, walked around The ne'
road @ miles in an hour and iurty-hv
minutes. We remember gscoI'inS 5.', 1-, Oh
elouilu '.A' l4ll oI'e ~ i,1
'oll "2uIS anu .oi'y 'n'uu'e'' ''I7u ri s,,,
~ s,.e "''s III q ..,iiS al 'Is ',r 'C.' &
I iiaI so"e ~ giu i'''''''7 ''''' SUI '''' '''
ii''I d u's KEY
. y sentimental youth having seen your
T damsel shedding tears over something IN he
o lap, took the hrst opportunity To be INTRO
cuced to her, and made no doubt that sh
e was congenlal spirit. w hat work wa
- that which affected you so much the otAe
t morning saw you shed great man,
q tears as It Bdlwer last! don know
what bnl"er last Is, returned she, nut
! assure you was dong J9o winch alway
6 almost Kills NE was peeiing onions
. IN MS library uanuIinS upon MS knee VII
every appearance oi iona parlenIness'
; young iwain-so young as NOT yel 10 i, ne a, Gol
to walk uprlght ana maze bargains; NIr'
IVAN on showing the .isitor 'n'l lne I sane
tum; ana Iinulng spouse 'hu7 n5ASeu' Sd'I'
NOW: Marx, you "N'' you io'e ''i'l' %
. oyLqon You. you NJ, ;.t;..1.- l.
t eii' fePiieu hdIA' III ms $40" u'4"
: ing Aihu oI way -oan '-e4aC,iS ',,, ri
+ Observation-Disclosures
' The Hartford Courant tells the following
: "A worthy man in neighboring town, wh
+ labors under the uneuphonious name {
T Pigg-uneuph0nious, yet highly appropriat
r to any descendant of Eve, the spare-ri5-r'
d Gently married lady whose maiden nan
e was Young. \ few days since, child WI