The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1872-07-18

CoNFEDRIT Y ROADS,
(wich is in the State Nv Kentucky
May oath, 1872.
am gettin old and am feelin my years
Time wuz when ten or a dozen drinks
more than yoosual didn't make any diff
ference with me, but it's quite diffrent
now. 1t tells on my old body, and l hev
to be guardid
We had rati6cashen meetin last mite,
at wich l did indulge more than shood,
and fell asleep in chair at Bascom's
and dreamed dream
In my dream | saw a high, elevated
plain, bounded on three sides by a steep,
preciptus bluff. On the top NV that plain
(wich pleasant and breezy place it wuz),
and back somewat from the edge Nv the
the precipice stood that bildin wich is the
Mecca to wich all Dimocrats hev bin
turnin their eyes for the past IL years,
the White House. On the very edge Nv
the precipice wuz group Nv individooals
wich [ he'd no difficulty in identifyin.-
There wuz Grant and Colfax, and around
em stood Morton, Butler, Sherman, Shell,
labarger, and thousand others Nv sich,
while jist over their heads there wuz a
foatin in the air the spirits Nv Washing
ton, Adams, Jefferson, Linkin and all Nv
them deeeest individooals wich would hev
sympathised with the Republican party
eft they had continyood In the flesh.
Down at the foot Nv this precipice there
wuz low, swampy, marshy, malarious
| deestrik, wich was the most uncomfortable
seckshun Nv kentry ever see. The
ground wuz full Nv cess pools, Nv quag
mires and quicksands. There wuz bones
of niggers scattered all over it-there
wuz rooms Nv old skool- houses there
wuz groceries aud 'soons scattered about
it in wild profession there wuz broken
printin presses, and the cheerful gallows-
tree on wich John Brown he'd bin hung
wuz distin city visable. Attempts he'd bin
apparently made to kiver up the burnt
skooi- houses and broken printin presses
and the gallows with resolooshens, but
the kiverin wuz too thin, and they showed
thro very plainly. This spot wuz tenant
ed by Boss Tweed and Hoffman, surround
ed with Connolly, Oakley Hall, and all Nv
them fellows, and over their heads wuz
the ghosts Nv Wigfall, Yancey and
Benedict Arnold. l thought saw His
Majesty, Satan the l., sailin about with
the ghost Nv Yancey, but it mite hev bin
some one else. There wuz one quicksaad
marked where Seward went down-in a
very bad smellin pool Chase wuz foatin
about On board marked Supreme
Bench" maxim feeble attempts to land
somewhere. There wuv few solid spots
Nv ground, Moo York, Kentucky and
Maryland, and on them the live men were
standin. From this unpromisin locality
there wuz path up to the heights above,
but it wuz narrer, broken, crooked and
steep, and besides that, passage from the
lower to the higher region wuz desperate
ly opposed by the array Nv men who
okkepied it.
l noticed that the party on the bluff all
wore a sad expression. The ghost OF
Liukiu let fall sperit tear, aud Grant
and Morton lookt ez sad ez tho they wuz
losin their fathers. Colfax, in pertikeler
seemed sncousolable, and wuz tearin
bis hair with greet. Curious to know
wat it wuz that wuz causin all this com
moshen, | shifted my posshen SO ez to
get view Nv the entire arrangement
aud saw it at once. Tweed and Hof
man had histed up along ladder to the
top NV the rock, wich wuz really q
, curoity. The sides wuz made out Nv
hickory campaue poles wich he'd done
servis from the time Nv Polk down tt
Seymour and the rounds were spokes
from the wheels Nv Confedrit cannon
The ladder wuz labeled Cincinnati" and
the rounds "civil scrvis reform" Zone
= term" and so on. Holman and CoDnoll,
wuz a holdin the feet Nv the ladder sted
e dy, aud Boss Tweed stood by em, holdir
q out scroll labeled presidency" Or
the top Nv the bluff stood Horis Greeley
clothed 10 glory, and perfeckly radiau
in his attire. His old head wuz crowned
with laurels-in fact he wuz walkir
arbor Nv en- He had one foot on tn,
first round Nv the ladder.
"Come back !" shouted Colfax.
I "Come to US - shoutid the crowd below
"Come back to yoor friends, yoo idiot (!
sed Morton.
"Come to US, and 700 shell hev this J
sed Tweed, fauntin the scroll.
That settled him. His face changed
e from the innocence Nv the lamb to tn
= hungry eagernis Nv the wolf, aud dow
: he went lie made a niisstep and parshel
E ly fell, knocking off all his laureis. Hi
c appearance changed. The ladder he'd BIZ
roughly made, and wuz full Nv splinters
His eka rites cloak caught on one u
em and wuz torn off, A nail head on tn
: next round stripped off his proteckshel
coat, another on the next knockt his anil
:, corrupsheu vest into smithereens, hi
i civil rites pants wuz taken off by th
f next, aud by the time he got to tn
fourth, he wuz diyested Nv everything
: under heavens wich made him sizable
u and and stood there sbiverin In the wind