The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1872-06-14

A Galvestonian whose hennery had
been robbed of five Brahmas, requests
the thief to call and "take away the
rooster, as he is very lonely, and no
questions will be asked"
A keeper who was taking two con.
victs to the State Prison, recently,
when the train stopped at Sing Sing,
called out: "Step out, gentlemen fif.
teen years for refreshments"
A Kansas paper, in reporting trial,
concludes with "the jury returned
verdict of not guilty, but if the prisoner
is sharp, he will leave town without
loss of time"
An Ohio paper says that Colorado
bugs are sitting around on the fences Of
fering seventy.eight cents bushel for
potatoes, and dollar day for hands
to plant them.
The season for being killed by base
ball opens little later this year, but a
satisfactory report has been received
from Racine. Age 70. Hot liner. In
the stomach.
The Danbury Neics says: "How any
unprejudiced man can look upon the
present sized penny cake of maple sugar
and claim that the world is growing
better, passes our comprehension
Peru, Ind, has a remarkable choral
society. A local sheet says: "The So
prano reached high G without effort,
and the basso profundo made a run of
the. gallery stairs, striking b flat in
sitting position
This is said to be an Ohio epitaph:
Under this sod
And under these trees
of solomon Pease,
He's not in this hole,
But only his pod;
He shelled out his soul
And went up to God.
A man out West undertook to play
with lion at the menagerie the other
day. He says he finds it mighty hard
to write with his left hand, but that he
misses his eye more thanIanything else.
His nose was always trouble to him.
They do everything quickly and for
chilly in the western states, but they are
not economical. A young man in
Galena, Illinois, lately used whole
keg of powder to get from the second
story to the street.
A cowardly editor, who, like great
many of his class among us dare not
speak out plainly what he means, hits
the Mormon women covert blow by
saying that hair restoratives are very
popular among the Mormon elders.
An ingenious schoolma'am in Iowa
punished boy for kissing the big girls
by making him show how it was
done before the whole school. 1t didn't
work well, however, for the idea be.
came altogether to popular at once.
An exchange SAYS, "Oskosh, Wis,
claims baby born without brains"
| Whereupon the Louisville Courier Jour.
| nal observes: "Lucky infant cuss His
parents may assert his future fitness for
the Presidency, and point to a living
| precedent"
An Elmira man, very drunk, fooled
a rattle.snake, which he found in his
garden, by letting it bite him fifty times,
A snake is fooling away his time in
| biting an Elmira man. They are not
afraid of snakes up there until they get
into their boots.
| A young lady, seeking a situation,
was interested in an advertisement for
some one to do light housekeeping. So
she wrote to the advertiser asking where
the light house was, and if there was
any way of getting to shore on Sun
| days.
A little boy accosted his bald-pated
papa thus
"Papa, are you growing stiff"
so ?"
"Because the top of your head is COM
ing through your hair"
The State Superintendent from Maine
sent out this question "Can you sug.
gest any amendments to the school law
of the State ?' The School Committee
of Mariaville answered: "We recon-.
mend the establishment of reform
school for meddlesome parents"
The New Britain (Conu.) Record
says: "a prominent Democrat were
his white hat to church last Sunday, tho
first time for the season, but he took
care to put card in the band. "Subjer;
to the approval of the Democratic Nj
tional Convention"
The Ithaca Journal says the proli
reader in Titusville who left the 81" out
Of Louise Kellogg's name has been heard
, from. He has shipped on whaler for 4
. three and half years cruise. and hope
Miss X. will allow her dander too cOo
before he returns.
Some workmen in a Quincy, III.
: foundry tried to melt up an uneXplodr,
!, bomb shell. AS often as people IN tn
u suburbs find stray pieces of fresh meat
they carry them to the police Office
where an experienced undertaken ex
ercises his ingenuity in fitting then
a together.
Il A gentleman whose custom 1t was I
entertain very often circle of friends
!. observed that one of them was eatin
- something before grace was asked, am
' determined to cure him. Upon th'
!. repetition of the offence he said "FC
4 what we are about to receive, and 70
3 what James Taylor has already receiN
4 ed, the Lord make us truly thankful.
>, 1t has been suggested that as mean
IS of eradicating polygamy In Utal
vast quantities of fashionable milliner
goods should be sent there, and II
@ GENTLE women induced to array then
,s selves in gorgeous style. This will pr,
Z duce such competition on the part
/, the Mormon sisterhood, and such heav
bills for finery that their husbands wi
y be glad to reduce the number Of wive
N so as TO reduce the pressure on the
10 pockets.
Y There Is n station on the Plttsbur
d Fort Wayne and Chicago Railroad cal
A. ed HANNA, in honor of a deceased cit
Iy zen of Fort Wayne. A train stoppe
:; there the other day, and the brakema
- after the manner of his class, thrust /
IL head inside the door, and called o
10 "Hanna,o loud and long, A your
OF lady, probably endowed with the poet
!, appellation OF Hannah, supposipg
W was addressing her, and shocked at b
or familiarity on so short an aequaintanC
er frowned like a thunder,cloud and !
tOrtod NAbut Upur month ~ IIp shut