The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1872-01-09
A Man Prepares His Own Epitaph.

AN ECCENTRIC IRIsHMAN's WILMA LIy-
ING MAN WITH A TOMB SToNE-HE Fixes
THE DATE OF His DEATH.
The following is given by correspondent
of the Boston Traveller, in a letter from st.
Johns, Newfoundland:
In a cemetery close to st. Johns, plain
but rather handsome marble monument is
erected to the memory of Mary -, on
which her name and the date of her death are
recorded. Underneath the record is the name
OF her husband, Lawrence -, of whom it
is recorded that he died ON the 18th of Au-
gust, 1871. The singular circumstance, how
ever, is that the monument was erected by
Lawrence himself Tor, as he is here familiarly
called, Larry,) and that he is a living man to-
day, hearty and jolly, and likely to live for
many year to come. 1t is positively true
that Larry being in the flesh and in the en-
joyment of perfect health, caused the stone
cutter to record it deep in the monumental
slab that he departed this life ON the 18th of
August, 1871, and that he did this nearly a
year before this date. Like an ancient Ro-
man, he built his own tomb during his life
time, but unlike said Roman, he left no blank
for the date of his death, but fixed the time
of his own departure beforehand. When the
news first spread regarding this remarkable
erection, it was considered joke, but when
confirmed, a regular procession of visitors to
this tomb commenced and continued for
many years, Each was anxious to verify for
himself, or herself, what at first sight seemed
incredible; and seldom has any shrine attract
ed SO many pilgrims. Larry hit on the right
method of securing a prehumous renown,
which is much better than any amount of
posthumous fame. He is often observed con-
templating in rapt admiration his own monu-
ment, and is quite unconcerned about the lit
tie inaccuracy in regard to the date of his de-
parture. Countless were the theories adopt
ed TO account for Larry's eccentricities, and
numerous were the conjectures as to his mo-
tives. Some sentimental ladies declared that
Larry was so affected by the loss of his wife
that he resolved not to survive her. But
then, why should he determine to survive
her eleven months, wanting two days? or
why fix on the 18th of August for his
departure, instead of the anniversary of her
death, which would have been more striking?
Besides he bore her loss like man, and did
not fall off in flesh or appetite, and as to SEN
timent, there is not a bit of it in his jolly,
Sancho-Panza corporation. This theory had
to be finally abandoned when the day passed,
and Larry y's'cofin was not ordered. Another
theory, less charitable, was held by some
namely, that at the date mentioned Larry in
tended to die not literally but only metaphor
ically to his first wife, and take to himself an
other But Larry is still a widower When
the lOtn OF August was drawing near, some
confidently expected that Larry would be as
good as his word; but when that morning
dawned and instead of seeing the shutters up
and the blinds drawn the neighbors beheld
Larry in his shirt-sleeves, calmly smoking his
pipe at his own door, they gave it up, and
pronounced him can ould, lying desaver''
His reputation for honesty and veracity is a
good deal shaken, but Larry bears it patiently,
and is quite insensible to the shower of
Jokes and sarcasms that is directed against
him. A friend of mine, who is of an inquisitive
turn, determined to fathom the mystery,
and interviewed the hero of the tomb. As
usual in such cases, he found there was no
mystery at all. SIS it what's my rayson,'
said Larry, ''tor pntting my death on the
stone before / doyed-sure thought I'd loik
to see how it wud look-and what's the use
of me bein' too purtickler about year or
two." ''But," said the Interviewer" with
the imprudence characteristic of his class,
''why did you not leave a blank space for the
date of your deceased" ''Oeh, thin," replied
Larry, Show could / tell whether they would
date me right, when my head was under the
sod? Sure, didn't Mr.. Smith cut it for half
price, on account of my bein' alivep' The
inquisitor was "shut up' for moment but at
length said, "what induced you to choose the
18th of Augusta ''Bekase," returned Lar
ry, ''thats the day was born, and makes it
square," The interviewer retired a wiser
man, no doubt, but disappointed with the
simplicity of the explanation.