Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1872-10-26

TO have ball but | wondered what they all
/ kept so still for, and was abont proposing
/ reel, when up steps little preacher, and be-
/ fore you could swallow live oyster he had
: Polly and the docter married faster than
Mexican greaser could tic bulls horns !
was so completely hummuxed that set there
with my mouth open like was going to
swallow the whole crowd. and my eyes looked
like two billiard balls I'LL the ceremony was
all over when jumped up and bellered
:" / forbid the thing from being constituted" {"
"You are a little too late, my friend ?" says
the preacher; aud they all commenced laugh
ing Ike they'd seen something very funny.
"I'il be durn squizzlei If / don't be SOON
enough for somebody ye, says |, for was
mad, Squire, and no mistake in the ticket. |
do believe could have eat up that doctor
quicker than hungry dorS could swallow q
squirrel skin, if could have had fair chance
at him. 1t was too bad after had fixed up
to marry her myself, for her to walk right out
before my eyes and marry that great balloon.
" 1t was bad, that is fact, said /.
bad p replied be. ." 1t was meauer than
eating fried coon. first tho't Ia 90 straight
home but when I concluded that wouldn't
spite nobody, so determined to stop and see
If | could not get satisfaction out Of somebody.
You know I'm the devil to get myself
or somebody else in a scrape when take
notion, and I'd taken one that night that went
all over me like a third day chill, so | COM
menced studying out some plan. | recol-
lected hearing the doctor say that where hc
came from but the lord only knows where
that was the bride and groom always wash
Cd their faces together before they went to bed
as a charm against infdelity imbecitity or somc
other long words. While | was studying
saw the doctors saddlebass setting in a cor
ner, so / waited until they went to supper, and
then got the bags and looked to sea what
could discover. Nearly the first thing | saw
was piece oflunar caustic. lslippcd it in my
pocket for had a plan as socn rs saw it,
Well watched around till saw one Of the
girls go to the water pail with pitcher, aud
went out and asked her what she WAS
goin. to DO with it. She said she was going
to carry it into tho room to the doctor and Poll
to wash their faces. kept talking to her
while she was filing the pitcher, aud when she
turned her head away dropped tn. caustic
in it. /. was then about bedtime, aud got
my hat and put out, but cosld not help
laughing all the way homo whenever Id
think about it.
well, Squire, they do say when that
couple walked up the next morning they both
had the hardest kinds Of fits, each one think
ing they had been sleeping with a niger
Oh. it was rich lie was cnssin' and tearing
up things, aud shes screaming and Ginting,
aud coming too and going of again and me
not thcro to see it They made such an un-
godly racket that ths folks broke into the room
to see what was the matter, and their faces
aid hands as black as tho inside Of an old
stOvopipc. I'd given half my interest in The
other world just tn have been in some safe
place where could have seen the whole row.
As soon as they found that they were really tho
same folks that were married the night
before, they called for warm water
aud soap but just then the doctor happened
to think about the pitcher, and took it to the
door to SEQ what was the matter. There was
a little piece Of caustic that had not dissolved,
and as soon as he saw it lie said.
8" It's no Use washing, Polly, all the soap
in New York eau wash that black of ?"
"That was tho truth, Squire; soap and
rags bad no moro effect than il would on a
native to get white again. | never found out,
but one thing do know" he concluded, get
ting up to go, "the next time saw the doctor
had the hardest fght and come higher getting
whaled than ever did n all my born daysp