The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1872-07-20
MIserIeS OF Serving as witnesses
at Court.
Iron Tho New Orleans Times ]

rFrom the New Orleans Times
The man who has never passed through
that peculiar phase of existence, known
only 10 those who have served as wit
uesses at court. has yet to taste of fiuit
of life before whose nauseaung bitterness
wormwood or gail rise 10 "A positive
sweetness. a victim, stuug to almost
madness, who has just emerged from the
trying ordeal for the first time thus dis
courseth
Not long ago / was handed a notice
commanding me, under peualty Of the
law to appear at 10 o'clock, a. m. aud
testify herein, before one Of ihe.district
courts With the prospect before me Of
some dire calamity, should1 fail to be
On hand at the appointed time l got half
an hours leaYe Of abseics from the
'boss aud rushed wildly - the temple
Of justice, which reaching, soon found
The particular ''temple" ! wan,ed / went
up TO a man behind a desk, aud, show
ing him my notice, told him / was ready,
and inasmuch as | was in great hurry,
I would take it as a great favor if he'd
.et me give my testimony right away. so
that | could 20 away. Said he, My
ine fellow no cases will be tried until
II o'clock
"Why, here l m commanded TO appear
at 10"
Yes but YOU must know that 10 al
ways means 10 legal parlance.
Thought it was rough, but couldn't
help myself, and accordingly took a seat,
torn by conflicting emotions as to what
the boss" would say when my half
hours leave expired, and 1 gladdened
not bis sight
Got little sleepy listening to the law.
yers, who talked good deal, aud at
times very excited 10 the judge. Was
thoroughly walked up by one of the
lawyers. who howled like d Comanche
Indian, and sawed the air as If lie had
an attack Of the jim jams. Fodnd out
chat that was his style Thought it
mighty bad one After hearing two
more Just like him, concluded that l
wouldn't like to be a judge. Eleven
O'Clock arrived, and then [ made another
attack on the man behind the desk
your case is the sixth on the list
when you're wanted you'll be called
Got mad but did ut show it, aud went
back to my seat. Waited another hour,
becoming quite agonizeo il attempting
to think of tie number Of d-ns which
the boss must by this time have launch
ed at MY devoted head.
After waiting two more hours, and
not hearing the slightest sound resemb-
ling my name, began to think the court
had forgotten my ease, when, on iDquir-
ing. was told that sit had been continued
till to morrow" Left hungry, tired and
mad. Got back TO store about p. NJ;
told boss | had been detained as a wit
ness at court D--n the curt. That's
lust what / thought. Went back next
day; hung around the best part Of three
hours, and found out that the case was
continued for two weeks"
Waited two weeks during which time
was constantly weighed down by a
fear that | would forget the all-impor-
tant day, and then ny fancy would con-
lure up al sorts Of dire punishments as
a penalty Of neglect.
Luckily don't forget it, and, after
spending another couple Of hours in
waiting. was much rejoiced TO hear a big
mau with speciacles yell out 81 ohm
Slimpkins." Went up on the stand aud
tfieu 10 answer iOA VI fuc1iIOuS put
By lawyer with big whiskers. After
he got through with me another lawyer
without whiskers tackled me, and before
he got half way through | was so nerv-
Gus aud confused that ! didn't know
whether was aloot or horseback The
last chap seemed determined to make me
confess that what I had told the first one
was nothing but pack Of lies. Mental
" sworc, that rather than be a witness
again l would leave the county. Before
the inquisition was concluded 1 felt
morally certain that / had contradicted
myself about dozen times, and made
donkey of myself in the bargain
Finally got through and left at q
doublequick, impressed with belief
that, OF all unhappy positions known in
the calendar, none would surpass that Of
being summoned as a witness in court.