Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1872-12-10
BARNEY HUGHES.
some Notes from hIs See-nnce az fhe
Thsafer Last Night.
He Does Up the Reporter, and Several
other Characters. in hfs Neatest
style.

ing Memphis the tale of grief which he
had gathered together in his bosom dur
ing the past six months. MOstof this tale
was evolved from the prolific depths Of
his inner consciousness, but the 'appli-
cation on it, as Bunsby would say, was
the beauty and loneliness and virtue of
the Caudle production. About two hum
dred persons, of superior taste, were
present, principally ladies, to listen to,
and rejoice in, the mingle of wit and
wisdom Of the great tSeancer," the
only proud boast of Memphis, in a lit
erary point of view. At eight o'clock
precisely, the lecturer stepped out to the
middle of the stage, and assumed a
modest, though dignified position, be-
hind an antique pedagogue's writing
desk. He was unannounced and I'M
heralded, and not introduced. He would
not allow it. "Where," said he, lis the
utility of putting an army wagon before
a race-hOrse, on the track, just when he
is going to start?"
He commenced at once. Said he:
Why is a bald head like heaven? Be-
cause there is no parting nor dyeing
there. Laughter.
The same thing holds good with lee
turers. They seem never to run dry.
They will Outlinger an epizoOtic mule
hitched to a street-car. / wavered for a
long time between two opinions as to
what use / would apply the receipts
whether to buy spelling-books for the
heather, so they could learn to read the
Police Gazette, or a circus. After con-
sultation with disinterested parties. l
have determined that the circus will be
more beneficial, for the reason that a
lecture could be given free, and a large
moral exhibition afterWard at q reason
able price of admission. Laughter.
1 really, personally, desired to have
this a g~ratuitous performance, as the
stage carpenter had offered to furnish,
free of cost, any chips, on which /
might be carried out, but the howl of
Ignorance and barbarity which comes
from the Fejee Islands, and the sympa-
thy it excited in my embroidered shirt
bosom, put a price upon your heads
not to be used in crushing that howl,
but to obtain neal to get further away
from 1t, as | frequently see many adveT-
tised Samaritans give the shake to the
blind talent of a h~and-organ. You are
not paying for a luxury, but to meet my
necessities.
H CROP OF SUCKERS.
Lecturers may fade away in the dim
distance. They may pass into a feature
recited as belonging to some almost for
gotten epoch. They may become sad
memories or happy moments. They
may be laid down without a funeral, or
a one dollar-nOte. They may rise as
some historic vision. They may be OBJ
liberated from sight, memory, history,
but there is q sweet consolation in the
sad fact that the crop of suckers will
never deerease-prOviding the pres
ent exhibit is any indication
Of futurity. lROaIs of laughter.
THE sEE-ANCE.
My first effort was beautifully chris
tened See-ance, the extreme fitness of
which you will realize after your even
ing's experience. As a soothing syrup
to your patience, l viii read you a fat
tering criticism, and l hope none Of the
audience will charge me with vanity at
thus boldly parading opinions of myself.
1t is from a journal having a high repu-
tation for the mildness and ~fearlessness
of its advertisements, and reads thus:
"a blatherskite named Hughes spoke
to an exceedingly gullable audience at
the New Memphis" etc. The truthful
ness of this criticism, as regards myself
was so marked as to create the suspicion
that l wrote it myself, but not so. 1t
was the effort of ADLER pens than,mine,
and emboldened me to make this second
attempt.
THE REPORTER.
These reporters whom you see here,
and to whose exhaustless brains and
energy you are indebted for your norm
ing tome, represent the world at a
! ICy,a NJ ,orrO-- fao1fn& oD,frao4z
| their capacity-when at q bar. No del
icate morsel is acceptable to them unless
shared with you. They abhor any in
diligence which ignores your participa-
ton. Never in my European travels
have l met men of nobler impulses, or
so unselfish. They are like lecturers
would give away anything except 3
sucker. 1 feel sad that these poor rOvers
have no better game in sight than my
able ~outburst. They would like to have
you think they are doing this for no
other reward than your encouragement.
A great many oxen were animated by
similar generosity during the other cpl
ZOOtic. That form consisted of running
at the nose, this one confines itself to
the mouth. These representatives of an
honOred race quietly accomplish great
results. And as we feel pleasure in por-
ing over columns in the morning, which
they consumed the night in building,
we should be reminded of their giant
labors, and renew our subscription.
SPIT Ne an Ny Little Bed" met with
such a prompt response from a short
residence in an Arkansas swamp, that
no more assistance is asked for that OPP
Grafton. A hundred others of such brief
writings could be cited, but these are
sufficient to prove how sOOn n thing
can remove another, like q bile reliev-
ing a disappearing brother. Reporters
are like these little fluctuations of the
skin, only in being constantly sleepless.
It can be seriously said, the reporter will
live as long as education lives, and live
well.
Newspapers are the telescopes which
bring many beauties to u mind.
They shed the telescope character
when employed in some fields of labor.
There is an improved interest manifest
ed in newspapers. They Are more gen
orally filed and kept conveniently to
hand for reference. They sometimes
forcibly suggest to us u shortcomings,
but it's like a good prescriptiOn-un-
pleasant, yet beneficial.
THE POLITICIAN.
Speaking of public prints naturally
introduces a very conspicuous, very
plentiful and very unproductive chaTae-
ter known as the politician. This spe-
cies of buzzer uses his own and usurps
his neighbors' time in urging well-laid,
never-adopted plans to save the cOun-
try. They seem im%perishable. They
are like bad bank paper, constantly be-
ing renewed. It's astonishing how per-
sistently anxious they are to assist the
wheels of government. Never hear
them displaying any such spirit in help
ing those of ~fire-engine during ahOrse-
siesta. They hang up their stockings
every Christmas eve, expecting an office
to be dropped into them. A good
terrier win let go a rat sooner
than they will a position. They
may get out of money, but never
be poor in mind. They are like
a race-horse-always running for some
thing. We are surprised that the old
wagon of state makes such good sched-
ule time without their being IN the
box. Every campaign they declare the
country going to thermOmetredom, but
the country evinces no desire for such a
change of climate. They are always
peacefully resigned to any appropria-
lions for their benefit. Laughter. The
latest news from the Geological Society
reports a fast-growing disposition
to accept Vesuvius as the spirit
of some politician. One stub
born resistance presents itself in
the operations Of the mouths of
Vesuvfus, spits out hot punch. The pol
itician takes it in. Instead of seeing them
playing diplomat at courts of royalty,
they are playing seven-up at a beer sa-
loon. They exhibit antelope activity in
-.o--,G-sNr ,1ah lfharfo