The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-05-21
H U MoRous ITEMS


straws show which way the wind blows.
eB~ An Illinois paper relates that during
the cold weather of Thursday last, the city
editor of the Jacksonville Journal froze his
ears about a foot deep. ,t 800 9n. sal
GY- A German butcher in Chicago hung
out the following sign :---"F Four pounds of
bologna for fifty cents.' Some wag added
with chalk" Dog cheap"
GB- "Ahr' yawned bachelor, g this
world is but gloomy prison." "To those
in solitary confinement" added a witty
young lady.
C3- An editor says that the only reason
he knows why his house was not blown
away the other day, during severe gale,
was because there was heavy mortgage
upon it.
GB" A young gentleman recently created
quite a sensation while reading to n circle
of young ladies poetic efrusion, "To a
beautiful Belle" by pronouncing the last
word in two syllables.
E5y- A man whose eyesight was not good
was recommended to try glasses. He says
he went to the nearest drinking saloon and
the result was that his sight was so much
improved that he could see double.
CB An inquisitive fellow says whanever
he sees woman sewing on q piece of
muslin, she always says she is making
pillow slips And now he wants to know
where all the pillow slips go to-
E5S- An Irish paper publishes the follow
ing: CA deaf man named Taft was run
down by passenger train and killed on
Wednesday morning. He was injured in
similar way about year ago."
CSy" An old Dutch acquaintance, some
years ago. who was elected member of
the Legislature, said, IN his broken English
style, wen went to the Legislature, l
fought would find dem all Solomons dere:
but found dar was some as big fools dere
as ] vas.
GB- Phil, my jewel" said Pat, "Tm
mighty sorry you can't dine with me to-
day."
'Arrah, and why can't / dine with you9'
said the astonished Phil.
Because, my DEAR" returned Pat, "I
haven't ask ye as yet"
| sB A gallant young man was out walk
ing with his girl one day last week, in Fort
Dodge Iowa, and mud puddle of unusual
size happening to lay in their path, he
asked his companion would it not be proper
to carry her across; she thought 1t would,
in preference to wading. The next scene
was the gallant young man and his 155
pounds burden floundering in the mud
EY- A Characteristic anecdote is related
of an out at elbows poet, who by some
freak Of fortune, coming into possession of
five dollar bill, called to a lad and said j:
Johnny, my boy, take this William and get
it changed" What do you mean by
calling it William?" inquired the won
dering lad. "Why, Johnny" replied the
poet, 81 am not sufficiently familiar with it
to take the liberty of calling it Bill"
Edy- An old bachelor picking up book,
exclaimed, upon seeing wood-cut rep
resenting man kneeling at the foot of
woman: 'Before would kneel to woman
would encircle my neck with rope, and
stretch it," And then turning to young
woman, he inquired: "Do you not think
it would be the best thing could do?'' 1t
would undoubtedly be the best for the
woman" was the sarcastic reply.
tY- This is Rochester receipt for MAX
ing soup: Take pail of water and wash
it clean. Then boil it till it is brown on
both sides. Pour in ono bean. When
the bean begins to worry prepare to sim
mer If soup will not simmer it's too rich
Pour in more water Dry the water with
q towel before you put it in. The dryer
the ater the sooner it browns. Simmer
the soup until the bean busts laughing.
! Then add some water and serve hot at
twenty-five cents a bowl. a 1s.a
gB- A small boy was arrested ia Chicago
the other day for vagrancy, who asserted
he could prove an aliJi. Said that was the
! first day he had been from home for three
weeks, as their folks had the smallpox. The
jolly justice said sharply: 'For heavens
sake stand further away from us, if that's
the case" The " "shyster'' skedadled; the
visitors yanished the police departed, tho
reporters jumped through window and
never stopped running until they reached
the Office of the sanitary superintendent,
| where q tdisinfectanfs', ,vera craaIy ;n,l,lo,ad