The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1872-06-06
Mrs. Jones Pirate.
BY MAX ADELER.

BY MAX ADELER.
A sanguinary pirate sailed upon th'
Spanish main in rakish-lookins schooner
which was called the Mary Jane. Shs
carried lots of howitzers and deadly rifet
guns, with shot and sLell, and powder, ant
percussion caps in tons.
The pirate was a homely man, and short
and grim, and fat he wore wild and aw
full scowl beneath his slouching hat. Sword:
pistols, and stilettoes were arran ged arounC
his thighs, and demoniacal glaring wa:
quite common with his eyes.
His heavy black mustaches curled away
beneath his nose, and dropped in elegant
festoons about his very toes. He hardly
ever spoke at all, but when such was the
case, his voice, twas easy to perceive, was
quite heavy bass.
He vas not a serious pirate and despite
his anxious cares, he rarely went to Sunday
school, and seldom sale. his prayers. lie
worshipped lovely women, and his hope ir
life was this a: TO calm his wild, tumutu
Gus soul with pure domestic bliss.
When conyersing with his shipmates he
very often swore that he longed to give ur
piracy anl settle down on shore. He tired
of blood and plunder. of the joys that they
could bring; he sighed to win the love oil
some atfcctionate young thing.
One morning as the Mary Jane went
bounding Ger the sea, the pirate saw a
merchant bark far off upon his lee. He
ordered pursuit, and spread all sail that
he could spare, and then went down, in
hopeful mood, to shave anl curl his hair
He blacked his boots and pared his nails
anu lled IL fresh cravat he cleaned RI.
teeth, pulled down his cuFs, and polished
up his hat he dimmed with -four the radi-
ance of his fiery red nose, for, hanging with
the vessels wash, he saw some ladies
hose.
Once moro on deck, the strangers hull
he rildled with ball, and yelled: a" say
what bark is that ?" In answer 20 thi,
call the skipper on the other boat answered
in thunder tones: ''This here's the bark
Matilda, ard her captain name is Jones'.
The pirate told his bold corsairs to man
the Jolly boats, to board the bark and seize
the crew and slit their tarry throats; and
give his compliments to Captain Jones
and say he wished that he and Mrs. Jones
would come anl spend the day.
They reached the bark, they killed the
crew, they threw them in the sea; and ther
they sought the captain, who was mad as
he could be because his wife-who saw the
whole sad tragedy, it secms-made all the
ship vociferous with her outrageous
screams.
But when the pirates message came she
dried her streaming tears, and said, al
though she'd like to come, she had un
pleasant fears that, his social status bein:
very evidently low she might meet some
common people, who she wouldn't care t,
know.
Her husbands aged father she admitted
dealt in bones, hat the family dcsccndc,
from the famous Duke de Jones: and sucl
-blooded people, that tic rabble nigh
be checked, had to make their social circ
excessively select.
Before she visited his ship she wantet
him to say if the Smythes had recognze'
him in a social friendly way; did the Jon
sons ever ask him round to their ancestral
halls? Was he noticed by the Thompsons
Was he asked to Simms' balls
The pirate wrote that Thompson wa
his best and oldest friend; that he oftcl
stopped at Johnson's when &c had wecl
to spend. As for the Smythes, they wor
ried him with their incessant calls; hi
very legs were weary with the dance a
Simms balls.
(The scoundrel fibbed most shamelcssly
In truth he only knew lot of Smith
without q "a most plebeian crew. Hi
Jonsons used vulgar h, his Thomson
spelled with p, his Simses had one m, an,
they were common as could be.)
Then Mrs. Jones mussed up her hal
and donned her best delaine, and went witt
Captain Jones aboard the schooner Mar,
Jane. The pirate won her heart by say
ing, with a smile, he never saw woman
dressed with such exquisite style.
The pirates claim to status she was YER
sure was just, when she noticed how famil
iarlv the Johnson's he discussed. Her ar
istocratic scruples they were quickly lai'
aside, and when the pirate smiled at he
reciprocity she sighed.
No sooner was the newer love within
her bosom born, than Jones was locke,
upon bv her with hatred and with scorn
| She said twas true his ancestor was fa
NOUS Duke de Jones, but she shuddered t
remember that his father dealt IN bones.
So then they got at Captain Jones an
hacked him with sword, and chopped hin
/ into little bits, aad tossed HIM overheard
/ The Chaplain read the service, and tn
Captain Of the bark, before the widow