Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-08-30

A great composer-Sleep.
Black Friars-Colored cooks.
A tale Of misery-The cocktail.
A Blank Book-an empty wallet.
Good living living within your means.
A head-dress quite out of fashion-Wo-
manhood
A bad style of arithmetic Division
among families.
The civil service Knife, fork and spoon
ior christening.
MISREPRESENTATION Whalebone, wadding,
powder and paint.
Victims Of misplaced benzine, is West
einese for drunkards
A Safety Match-Ten thousand per an
nilm settled on the wife.
1t may be considered a grave mistake to
bury man alive.
No wonder time is often murdered, When
truck every hour.
What's the proper age for parson ?
he parsonage, of course.
Cure for blind man-get married, that
i'll be sure to open his eyes.
Why is fashion like blank cartrid GET
ecause it's all powder and puff.
When Tennessee girl is slyly kissed, she
puts on frown and says, put that article
s.xbk hal NH tolo
I can't drink liquor said Bob, it goes
Eight to my head, sWelP said Bob's friend,
where could it go with less danger Of being
crowded.
A lady was asked the other day why she
hose to live single lif., and gravely re-
plied: Because am not able to support
husband
Our Sage says it is with bachelors as with
I'D wood is hard to get them started,
9ut when they do take fame they burn Pro-
digiously.
A good lady refused the other day, to let
Ter daughter dance with young gentle
man, because she understood he was BocEe-
A,r Of Arts
Thomas, you should have a place for
ereFything,' said Aunt Mary. I have,
pa ,am-a great many places for everything
sep,iiied Tom.
It is stated, but with what truth we do
not pretend to say, that all the ladies who
weep the streets with their. long dresses,
lave big feet and thick ankles.
a newly married woman Of gentaoI ap-
;earance, went into furniture shop few
days since, and inquired for a family lrait-
basket She was shown a large cradle,
which was just what she wanted.
An old lady gave this as her idea of
,lothes, don't drink spercts, ken read the
Bible without spelling the words. ami eat a
:old dinner on wash day without grumb-
ing
The surest way to prevent young couple
rom marrying is to oppose them. Tell
hem you would sooner see them III their
graves and twelve months after wards their
baby will pass you twice day in willow
wagon.
1 say, Jones, how is ii that your wife
dresses SO magnifeently, and you always
appear out at the elbow ? You see. Thomp-
son, my wife dresses according to the gazette
of fashion, and dress according to my
ledger
Two boarding school misses were over
heard converslng the other day. "Have
you graduated, Jennie I? Why. bless YOU,
yes, ] graduated last season. What did you
graduate in 2 In the sweetest sky blue silk
8you ever saw.
Ant place your riverance, | Can prove
it by the Holy Scriptures-I can by the
powers Didn't your reverence, in the SER
mon yesterday, tell us if we resist the devil,
he'd flee from us. Now, if resist my wife
she flies at me-
Miss, will you take my arm {? asked an
old bachelor. La yes, and you too said
the young lady Can only spare the arm
Miss, hastily replied the bachelor. Then,
said Miss 1 cant take it as my motto is to
take the whole hog or none at ALL"
why don't you limit yourself 2 said
physician to an Incorporate person; set
down a stake that you will go SO far and no
farther
so ! did, said the the topper, but set
it SO far off that always get drunk before
get to it,
A little girl remarked to her mamma, on
going to bed: I'm not afraid Of the dark
No, of course you are not, replied her ma
ma. 1 was little afraid once, when went
into the pantry in the dark to get tart.
What were you afraid Of ? asked her nam.
ma. II was afraid I could not find the
TART
A man objected to paying for death no.
lntice in newspaper, and demanded:
why should marriage and death notices
be paid for any how 2
Because replied the hcartess publisher
zone is notice Of copartnership, and the
other Of dissolution. Business is bust
ness.
AT the opening Of breach Of promise
case in Kentucky, the Court asked counsel
for the plaintiff how long the trial would
probably last, II cant say, exactly repli-
ed the counsel. but will mention as one
item that I have thres hundred and eighty
four love letters written by the defendant to
my client, to read
A country fellow came to the city to see
his intended wife, and for a long time he
could think of nothing to say. At last
great snow falling, he took occasion to tell
her that his fathers sheep would be all un.
done.