The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1872-06-18
spr,se CH,cxESs.-We have seen

SPRING CHlcKENs.-We have seen
spring chickens for sale in our mar
ket. The dealer solemnly assured us
they were only two months old. We
thought they were large OF their age
and said so, but he called our attention
to the fact that in this day Of science
when strawberries weighing two ounces
were common, large spring chickens
were not To be wondered at. We gazed
on those spring chickens and smiled.
We bought one and wept. We had 1t
broiled, tried to carve it and wept
again. Then we had it boiled. All
day and all night that chicken boiled
The next morning we tackled it again.
We found our spring chicken was a
pullet, though we couldn't pull 1t
apart. Once more into the pot it went.
Another day it boiled. Then we managed
to hackle off a piece Of the breast.
After eating a morsel we discovered
that it wasn't a pullet, but a rooster.
It wouldn't lay on our stomach. Roost
ers, we are told by those who have
made spring chickens a study, never
lay on anything. Another time 1t
went into the pot for a "bile." We
sharpened our carving knife till one
could shave With the edge, and struggled
with that chicken again. Then we
learned why it was called spring
chicken. Every time we made cut at
it, it would spring clear out of the dish.
We felt that we had been imposed upon,
and we determined to have that poultry
dealers life. With the spring chicken
in one hand and the carving knife in
the other, we marched by the right
flank, platoon front, on that chicken
sellers works. We called his attention
to the bird, as tough as when first
handed to us, and told him it had been
undergoing broiling and boiling pros
Cess for three days.
ibid you brile it frst?'' he asked, in
softening tones, with one eye on the
carving-knife and the other on the cash
in the birds breast, where the only
chunk had been taken out.
Eyes, we answered, in thunder-ton es,
"you betrayer of human happiness,
we did 'brile' it, and billed it, too"
"Let me look upon that bird" he
said, as he took it. After musing for a
while he said "Spiv, gave you the
wrong bird; this one came from the
house of a man who uses every spring
immense numbers of pills. That &C.
counts for your not being able to bile
the chicken. But l would although
it would brile."
What" shouted, "have pills to do
with the fowls toughness What
have pills to do with the fraud you put
upon one who never did you wrong ?
What have pills to do with the fact
that that chicken was as tough as ever
after it was billed as you call it, for
forty.eight hours? Speak, or die"
"Why, you see, Spiv," and he smole
bright smile. like unto an infant to
whom the angels are whispering, or
which the same has the collie, as it lies
in the cradle, "why, you see, the man
as raised that chicken takes lots o pills
-Todds pills. One day while that
chicken was promenading round the
house, a box o them pills got knocked
out O the windy, and that chicken
gobbled 'em up-swallowed 'em all.
The consequence is, Spiv, that chicken
has no bile in it. But | thought it
would-a.briled."
The explanation was sufficient, we
got chicken that never took pills and
departed, happier and wiser.