The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1872-03-29
HUMOROUS.

whisper, ASK for cake, johnny, ask
for cake.
A Temperance editor, IN calling at
telition to an article against ardent
spirits in Oneofhis papers, says ''For
the effects Of Intelnperance, see our
inside.'
''Slr, " said an irate little gentleman,
0fabout four feet eleven inches, II
wJu d have you know, sir, thatI was
well brought np!n the other lookesi
'town on lin. .rOsslbay. y he said..
but you haven't been brought lup.
Er."
Two Michigan youths called upon a
sweet girl and made a rather protraut,
cd stay, but when the heavy father
came down aud threw apail Of water
IN the stove they took II as a hint that
1t was time to 90, and stood not OIL the,
order of their going.
Why is II" the most happy vowel?
Because it Is In the midst ofbliss. "E"
Is in hell, and all the the rest are in
purgatcry.
'sTalk about the Jaws Of death !"
exclaimed man who was living with
his third scolling wife; Il tell you
they re no touch to the jaws Of life ~
A schoolmistress was trying toteaclr
a class of four and five-year-olds the
names of the days of the week. After
practicing them awhile she asked 3
iive-year-oll girl, "WMst day is this e'r
"'Vashing-day, was the quick reply.
"Why don't you hold your head az
do?" said an aristocIat to n sterling
old farmer. IS lilire, twas the reply,
"look Mt that field of grain. You see
that all the heads TINT have nothing in-
them stand upright"
The following congratulatory teEe--
gram was received from C'ciIinati by
a wedding party in Nashville: Con
gratlllatiOns Oh your nupitials. May
your future troubles be only little.
Ones."
| A Georgia darkey, to whom Senator
Summers supplementary civil rights
bill was explained, characterized it as.
a trap to kin fool niggers. ''You see,
sab. some fool. nigger viii 60 to the
Pulaski house an jiss set hisself down
BY white man, an de white man
Will iiss fro dat Or nigger out OBJ de
window an break his neck
Two young ladies In Greenwich,
Conn.,, last week thought to play \
joke upon their father by dressing ms
men and ringing at the door and abls-
ing the servant nv agreement with
her.) Itdidn't take long for the faith
er to step out and Kick one ofthe ,''men
on the piazza down four or five steps
to the ground. The other begged for
mercy.
"Yonll grow up ugly ifyou maka
faces. "said maiden to her niece.
"Dil You make faces when you was .
girl, aunty!'
| A Quaker aud Baptist We're travel
ing together in stage-coach. The
latter took every opportunity ofridicu.
ling the former on account of his re-
ligious profession. At length they
came to n heath where The body ofa
malef,ctor, lately executed, was hang
ing in chains on a gibbet. II wonder
now. " said the Baptist, "what reliE-
ion this man was OFF, ''Perhaps,"
replied the Quaker. coldly, ''le was &
Baptist, and they have hing him up to
dry"
''Mother," said little boy, I'VE got
bad headache, and sore throat, too, "
"Well, sonny, you shall have some
medicine Its no matter, ma Z
I'VE got 'em fast enough, but they
don't hurt met"
A Mrs. McKnight living In Detroit,
went out a short time, leaving her
boy, five years old, in charge of n
neighbor's girl, aged ten, and during
her absence the boy was allowed 10,
draw the tea kettle around the kitchen
as a horse. After eating their dinner
Mcknight and his wife were suddenly
taken sick calleda doctor, and were
still quite ullwell in the evening. The
doctor made an examination of the tea
kettle and fonpld III It two or threa
spOOls Of thread, one OF the mother i
rhbbers, q spoon and three woolen
rags. placed there by the youngsEr
and boiled up by the housewife,
rH
A naughty boy, being told by hIs
mother that God would not forgive him
tif he did something, answered. Yes,
lie would, too; God likes t0 forgive
little bOys--that's what He's for"
| In French court recently an awit-
ness was about to give his testimony,
the advocate remarked: IL wish 10
remark to the court that this witness
| is entitled to entire confidence. as be
has not had time to consult his slawyer,
| A short time since. Mr.. Stone, aeon
| tluctor on the Central Railroad, while
icollecting fares, came to Il man sitting
mufledsup in a cloak, and Demands,
his fare. "IIOw much to ,lackson9
asked the nnlfled man. Two dollar.
and twenty-five cents, "Ah! that,
more than I've got; don't You some
times carry folks for less when they
are poor, or sick, and unfortunate ~
Yes" .,Well, then you had better
take halfprite for me; you see. I'VE
lost the use Of both my hands, - hold
ing them up encireled BY handouts :
Stone looked round, and observed two
police officers sitting behind him IT.
dulging III quiet smile athis expense.