Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1872-02-24

Raising the deuce--ooyering the two
spot with tray.
Figures you can't cipher with The
figures of dance.
Deserts for daily newspaper men
fresh dates.
"The time of knead with bakers
about 8 80 =. NJ.
Perhaps Paris would get along better
if it hadn't g Rcd
Advice to fish>eaters-deal gently
with the herring.
How to build q house for nothing
use free>stone.-PUheh.
When is lady not lady When
she is little sulky.
Dry diet for a Russian Autocrat-
Turkey without Greece.y
i" \ lass | am. no more" As the girl
said when she got married.
What relation does tenant bear to
his landlord !? A parent al relation.
A Wisconsin paper heads obituary
notices with the startling word gone. !"
An invalid at the sea shore is trying
to get up his strength by eating mus
cles.
In pocket picking, asin almost every.
thing else, man never succeeds until
he gets his hand in.
Ina game of cards, a good deal dc.
pends on good playing, and good play
ing on a good deal.
1t is said that the best and most cx
tensivc deposit of slate in the United
States is in Polk county Georgia.
4 riddle on the road--Of what Brit
ish subject does hotel bill most COM
monty remind you Otan Iun~do.
The editor of tire North Carolina
Pine Lent deuounces Louis Napoleon
lie is evidently afraid Of another corp
ae Tar.
Fun insists that 81 the man who
meets ones remarks with hddlasticks
clearly wishes to do violence 10 ose'~
feelings"
In the window of well known book
store in Boston Is u placard which
reads Our Christian Fricud-re-
daced from SIS to 81
The miscailed century plant, is said
to bloom when il is thirty years old
Hence it should be called thirty pr
century plant.
A Gentleman named B'own onte OBJ
served in company that he had toasted
a lady for twelve months, and vet had
little hopes Of ever making her Bropa.
A poor man who was III, being ask d
by a gentleman whether he had tax,
any remedy, replied :. No amt taken
any remedy but P.e take lots Q:
phys ic."
A philosopher says, if you want a
pair of boots to last you four years, melt
aud mix four oun ces Of mutton tallow,
apply while warm, place the boots in
closet and go barefoot.
A Boston doctor sewed up flesh
wound for William Bolster, Sunday
evening, and because William could not
pay until the Monday following he pull
ed out the stitches.
You don't think so highly of the
hymenial knot as [ do. " said a wife to
her husband g Yes | do" he replied
" it is only when you wish to make it a
double beau knot that | object to it."
A pretty, rich young widow was re-
gardlng herself lately at a mirror in
her chamber, while for the first time
trying on her widows cap. g Behold"
she exclaimed, I" the real cap of lib>
erty."
An enterprising ice cream maker ad-
vertises, i" Families supplied by The
quart or gallon, and delivered IN any
part of the city" For those who wish
to obtain families, this is an eligible op
portunity.
There was much sound palpable ar
gument in the reply of country lad to
an ider. who boasted his ancient family;
$50 much the worse for you," said the
peasant as We ploughmen say, The
older the seed, the worse the crop"
An Indian complained to a retailer
that the price of liquor was too high
The latter iB justification, said, that it
cost as much to keep a hogshead Of
brandy as to keep COW. The Indian
replied, .AIay be he drinks as much
water, .btt .he no eat as much hay
An old lady said her husband was
very fond Of peaches, and that was his
only fault. !" Fault, madam" said one,
g how can you call that's fault?" Why,
because there are different ways Of eat
ing them, si- My husband takes them
in the form of brandyl'