Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-04-01
NO. 13.
SNOW FLAKES.

Striped dresses are to be very fashion
able next spring, la zebra style.
Don't touch wine, for it makes the
head heavy and the purse light.
A Wisconsin girl committed suicide
because she had warts.
Two Boston girls have recently be-
come paralyzed from the use of cosmetics.
An Iowa widow has successfully buri-
ed three husbands named Smith.
Savannah is satiated with green peas
and strawberries.
A farmer gathers what he sows; while
seamstress sews what she gathers.
The Chinese picture of ambition is a
mandarin trying to catch a comet, by
putting salt upon its tail.
A Californian sued San Francisco
paper for $4,000, for calling him
'shyster. He didn't get it, though.
Askewrious as it may seem, a Georgia
family named Askew are looking ''every
which way for lost child.
A North Carolina colored woman
measures seven feet around the waist
''Slim" chance for ali embrace.
A photographer advertised: ''Babies
taken and finished in ten minutes. >
Which is rough on the babies.
A dumb man got drunk in Troy the
other night. and made more noise and
disturbance than ten men could. who
had the use of their tongues.
Indiana boasts of having an inhabi-
tant who was put into jail before he was
24 hours old. His birthday was strange
ly celebrated.
Essex county, Virginia, is interested
in the marriage of two sons of the second
wife to two daughters of the third wife
of the same man.
The old fashioned twisted locks of
hair at the side of the face, known by
our grandmothers as ''spit curls, have
come into fashion again.
At an old folks gathering in Lancas-
ter n. H.. lately, one lady wore silk
dress two hundred years old, made from
four yards Of silk.
Theodore Parker once said he wished
that ministers and lecturers would be a
little more generous of thought and more
stingy of words.
Young Swell.-"We won't 90 down
Grand Street, for l haven't paid my tail
or his Christmas bill yet, and if he should
see me he might feel embarrassed.
.One can't have everything" as the
man said when he was down with small
pox and cholera. and the yellow fever
came into the neighborhood.
Mrs Morris, attorney and counsellor
at-law, is devastating the police courts
of Chicago, to the utter discontinue Of
the masculine bar
A pretty French woman won 100000
francs from German nobleman at Ba-
den Baden and contributed the entire
amount to the French debt.
A New Haven doctor quieted clamo-
rous landlord by showing him skeleton
in closet, and saying that ''that man
came here just two weeks ago with a
bill"
The Savannah News has received for
publication touching ''Sonnit to vi
olett, p" in the course of which zephyr"
is made to rhyme with ''heifer.'
Wife (complainingly) 81 haven't
more than third of the bed" Hus-
band (triumphantly)-'Well, that's all
the law allows you.
The river that runs through Farming
ton, Maine, is called Sandy, which is
short for Penobsquesumsqusnebo, the alb
original title.
"My son." said man of doubtful
morals. putting his hand on the head Of
a young urchin, 81 believe Satan has got
hold of YOU" Il believe so too, was
the reply.
A lady at Bronson, Mich. has beer
soaking her hair with Porter's Cough
Medicine for the last ten months, mis-
taking it for somebody's Hair Rcstora
tive. 1t served the purpose just as well
A Quaker lady advised her son, whC
was doctor. to enlist with the rebels i
he wished to aid the Union, for SAID
she, thee will kill more than the,
cures.
Where's your flial gratitude, you
naughty boy? What would you have
, been without your kind father and moth
er?" Il s'pose I'd been an orphan
sir
4 Detroit dying man grasped watch
and held it so firmly, that after death
the fingers could not be unclasped. and
the watch was buried with him. He
must have died of tick douloureux.
MARKET REpoRTs.-Tongue, plenty
but going fast; brains, scarce and want
ed cheek. full supply; pluck, market
bare hearts. unsteady, price fuctuating
mostly sold for cash on delivery.
A resuscitated Kansas horse-thief de-
scribes hanging as rather pleasant than
otherwise. After the first spasmodic
struggle for breath a delightful tick
ling sensation peryades the whole
frame, and consciousness is lost very
gradually.
.Wife, do you know that l have got
the pneumonia ?" ''New monia, indeed
Such extravaganza You're the spend
thriftest man | ever did see, to go and
lay out your money for such trash when
| do need new bonnet so much y