The Petroleum Centre daily record. [volume] (Petroleum Center, Pa.) 1868-1873, 1872-06-28
Ksccilsc,.ona o. molly warden.

uo WVrsu 10 boii. sSEae ~. u, h1N uiA suo
felix's below
Are rsntias, roaring, csa-. rai, on ,ur:c'r
calico.
Dolly Warden was . luaa.ic. When she
died, like the people Of o'd, she shed her
mantci-and sill tho world has gone for it.
After the death o, old Golly Warden, her
father, she went to live with her uncle,
Barnaby Rudge. u was hsrs she met with
q distinguished author, wto dipped bis pen
in Biographical ink, sketched her history.
aud raised the chickens" with the world
Dolly Warden was not always insane; but
abe was always woman, and, consequent
ly, excessively wild on the subject Of dress.
Dress was her ambition. This 1t was that
crazed her, aud for punishment she was
doomed to everlasting chintz. Chintz is
calico. Chintz is Dolly Warden. b.
Chinlz is the epidemic that 10 sweeping
like two simoous broadcast over the land.
Ny wife Mary Ann has had IL At first We
thought It was varioloid; then she carried
on 30 we thought It was very.old.boy, but It
broke out IN Dolly Warden rash. Awful
rsshl She is frighttal picture to look at,
for the disease has left ungainly marks upon
her iorw-wbich was never picturesque.-
Last week she made the following motion
at one Of our breakfast table debates: "Re-
solved, That the sum of thirty be expended
in making tho female head Of this house
presentable 10 society,"" followed in o
few appropriate remarks on the insuacieucy
of money to make . person presentable who
lacked grace, modesty, comeliuess, and oil
the cardinal virtues, and offered as 40
amendment the following: '.Resolved, That
the thirty dollars alluded to be obtained be-
fore tits expended on the female head Cor
bsck) of this house." / left without stop
ping to vote on the amendmsnt]
But It came-net the thirty dollars, but
the Dolly Warden. We had On heirloom
10 the family-a combined trundle.bed and
lounge. 1t was my great large grand moth.
er's, and was covered with chintz. The
figures on II represented "Columbue discov,
eriug America 10 three vessels" and SHOT
tentots gatherieg buchu leaves at the Cape
Of Good Hope" These pictures had fascin.
sted my infant eyes, and were tho idol OF
my measIy, scarlet fever childhood. But,
alasl they fell victim to the Dolly Warden
scourgs. Ny wife got after It, and 10 few
hours It was Dolly vardened. felt that
the last link that chained me to my grand,
mother bad been broken. Had It been the
link iu my matrimonial chain should not
have sighed; but poor mother Dolly Warden.
ed out OF memory! shall no. attempt to
describe Mary Ann 10 her louugetcovered
suit.
She looked like the bill to circus,
The most insane object in life;
And l could but exclaim, as l gazed on her
form,
"Mary Ann, you're the DEVILS own wifev,
I believe that woman would give me up
rather than part with that unciviIized, uu-
cbrstianized Dolly Warden.
Last week our Orange County COW "came
In for the spring trade. The calf (Which
was little spotted thing) was Immediately
christened "Dolly Warden" remonstrst-
ed on the ground of "cruelty to auimals,'
and explained that Il was not . bosine or .
COW vine. but bull vine, aud belonged To
the other sex, but oil In vain; It had 10 be
Vardenized. Poor little, disgraced brute, l
shall kill It before 1t realizes what Its name
10.
30 constantly had this name rung in nv
ears that I inquired 10 the drug store for
some Dolly Warden pills and paper of
Dolly Warden onion seed. The next sew>
ing society meet at our house, to make
Dolly Vardens for the little naked heather.
Tomorrow Mary Ann commences her house
cleaning orgies, and I take my annual
hegira. l wonder fshe will clean house in
her Dolly Warden. l can conceive of moth.
Ing more formidable, awful, terrible, than
mixture of house cleaning aud Dolly Var
den. nevar interfere In house cleaning,
but leave 1t eli to Mary. y..Anu's discretion.
would rather sit aud mediate on an Ice.
berg, with nothing on but cotton shirt aud
strsw hat, than to enjoy all the comforts
civilization during house cleaning. There