Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1872-08-09
AsPINWALL.
From the Alta Californian ]


name is Aspinwall 1t is called the
other thing on account of belief that
Columbus, whom these heathens have
been taught by the Spaniards to call Co.
lon-come ashore here; falsehood that
has been perpetuated and sanctioned by
the creation Of really magnificent
bronze statue of him, which | learned
was gift Of the Empress Eugene. 1t
is, of course, perfectly obvious to every
thinking person that Columbus never
came ashore here, and couldn't have
been hired to. 1t is equally obvious
that if he had come ashore, the ances-
tors Of this precious people would have
killed him for his boots and watch.
Aside from the statue, there is no evil
dence that he was ever within hundred
miles of the place; and the statue isn't {
any proof, for ! found there, also, pho
tograph of Adam-an excellent like
ness-and nobody pretends that Adam
was ever at Aspinwall. 1t is noteworthy
that the Indian woman skulking under
Columbus brazen arm, has turn-up
nose-a veritable and unmistakable pug,
such as no Indian woman would be seen
on the streets with. l suppose this may
be explained by the fact that she was
set up before she got quite hard, and in
hailed Whit or two of Aspinwall atmos-
phere. 1t took me week to get my
own nose down after leaving the place.
The town for the most part is a dis
agreeable enough one, as everybody
knows, but it has one advantage over
similar places in the tropics generally;
the shop people are linguists, and you
can be swindled in the language to which
you are accustomed. | think. by the
way, one can suffer more complete and
elaborate swindle in English than in any
other tongue. One may be gracefully
cheated in French, politely defrauded in
Spanish, and humanely ''done" in Ger
man; but for downright, honest, frank
and hearty pillaging-to be the victim of
sweeping and remorseless plunder-one
must apply to shop where English, or
at least Americanis spoken. l have been
wrung and ransacked in every language
under heaven, and / know. There are
a choice few who know more about
swiudling than your correspondent, but
there isn't anybody who knows SO much
about being swindled, and who keeps up
his payments for that knowledge, so reg
ular.
/ remember as | was going on board
the Henry Chauncey," at Aspinwall,
one evening, with my arms full of null
titude of bananas, upon the top of which
/ was endeavoring to steady an infinity
of pine-apples, supporting an eternity
of cocoa-nuts, capped with skillfully
builded pyramid of oranges--every one
of which things / had purchased, as a
favor, of some hag who cursed me in
English when my back. was turned, and
every one of which mot the hags, unfor.
tunately,) / was conscious my wife
would pitch into the sea the moment /
got on board-I heard bell-like voice
calling me as | set my foot upon the
wharf:
y" Come here, Sweety, and buy mon
key.p aAa
Ihad vague memory of having some
where, sometime, by some one, been
called Sweety before. For the moment,
| felt sure that it had been my poor, dead
sister, and the tears came into my eyes
Il
bered moment later that | had never
lost sister; aud later STILL that sisters,
and the likes of them, don't call fellow
Sweety to any great extent. But it was
too late; the cursed brute had changed
hands--from plump black ones to lean
red ones-my fruit had been made away
with by the population of Colon, my en-
chantress sbamelessly applied her sobe
term of endearment to the black cook of
the steamer, and-and the beast Of a
monkey was black with heas 1t will be
perceived from this veracious narrative
that by judicious use of our blessed
mother-tongue the designing foreigner
may overreach the most sagacious of US.
Such is the power of sentiment in the
human breast. The monkey-blast him
-rots on the beach.
Colon is mainly famous for species
Of small crab who builds hole of un-
known depth in the middle of the street,
and comes up occasionally tc the sur
face, where he sits and makes fun Of the
natives. The natives would eat him if
they could catch him; but they haven't
sense enough to stop up his hole when
he is out visiting Each generation has
to learn for itself that it can't take these
crabs; and so you may see at any time
half hundred yelling children Of both
sexes engaged in the hopeless pursuit.
Whenever the art of printing shall have
been invented among them (they will
never adopt it from other nations) we
may hope that the experience of the
father may be impaired to the son.