The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1872-09-28
as'it and aIumur.

DoN'T BE AFRAID OF DIRT.-0ld
DR.. Cooper, Of South Carolina, used to
say to his students sDon't be afraid
of dirt, young gentlemen. What is
dirt 7 Why, nothing at all offensive,
when chemically viewed. RIB little
alkali upon the dirty grease spot on
your coat. and it Gndergoes a chemical
change aud becomes soap now rub it
with u little water and it disappears.
IL is neither grease, soap water nor
dirt. That is not very odorOus pile
Of dirt you see yonder; well, scatter
little gypsum over it aud it is no longer
dirty. Everything like dirt is worthy
of our notice as students of chemistry.
Analyze it it will separate into very
clean elements. Dirt makes corn, corn
makes bread and meat, and that makes
very sweet young lady, that | saw one
Of you kissing last night. SO after all
you were kissing dirt, particularly il
she whitcned her face with chalk or
fuller's earth; though may say that
rubbing such stuff upon the beautiful
skin OF young lady is dirty practice,
Pearl powder, think, is made of bis
muth, nothing but dirt Lord Palmer
ston's fine definition of dirt is matter
in the wrong place. Put it in the
right place aud We cease to think OF it
as dirt"
SroP THE ISTEREsT.-Daniel Web
ster once dned with an old Boston
merchant aud when they came to the
wine, a dusty old bottle was carefully
decanted by Peter and passed to the
host Taking the bottle he poured out
Mr. Webster's glass and handed it to
him. Then pouring out another for
himself, he held it TO the light aud
"lIow do you like it, Mr.. Webster 2"
81 think it a fne specimen Of old
Port"
"Now, you can't guess what that cost
me ?" said the host.
"Surely not" said Mr.. Webster. 81
only know that it is excellent"
swell, now can tell you, for | made
careful estimate the other day. When
| add the interest to the first price, /
sind that it cost me the sum Of just one
dollar and twenty cents per glass !"
"Good gracious you dou't say SO,
said Mr.. Webster; aud then draining
his glass he hastily presented it again
with the remark:
"Fill up again as quick as you can,
for | want to stop that coulounded in
terest."
A tender hearted widower tainted at
the funeral of his third beloved.
"What shall We do with him 7" asked
friend of his.
"Let him alone" said waggish by
stander, she'll soon revive"
A lady was urged by her friend to
marry widowsr, aud as an argument
they spoke of his two beautiful chill
dren. "Children," replied the lady,
"are like tOOth-picks, person wants
her own"
Ius Hollidaysburg, Pennsylvania, the
young men have discarded white vests.
The young ladies use so much hair oil
that vest is ouly good for one even
ing.
A very modest young lady, who was
passenger on board packet ship, it
is said, sprang out of her berth and
jumped overheard, on hearing the cap
tain, during a storm, order the mate to
haul down the sheets.
Schoolmistress, Go little boy D.
"Johuny, Tn ashamed Of you! When
| was your age | could read twice as
well as you can" johnny Yes m,
but you had different teacher from
what I've got"
"Ah, ladies" said an old bon Uivanf,
as he opened bottle of wine, "what is
more delightful than the popping of
champagne cork 2" "The popping Of the
question !" unanimously cried the ladies.
Mr.. Greeley has recently been inter-
viewed by tho dairymen, aud in re-
sponse to an inquiry said: "the best
butter is undoubtedly an old ram"
The Freeport Journal says "pairs are
abundant at that place, and front gates
are loaded down with them on fine even
ings."
A wag in what he knows Of farming,
gives q plan to remove widows weeds;
he says good looking man has only to
say, "Wilt thou" aud they will.
The light of match will fTighten
wolf away, it is said, But love matches
don't always keep the wolf from the
door.
There are two things 10 this world
that are not safe to triHe with--a wo-
mans opinion aud the business end Of
wasp.
When watch is sold it always
changes hands; this seems odd on the
face Of it.
What is the difference between fixed
stars and shooting stars? The one are
suns, the other darters.
If termagant wife cuts her nails
every Monday, it is lucky--iOr her hus-
band
If physician sue for the amount Of
the bill, ought he to recover unless his
natieDt reeovers