Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1872-05-11
Facts and FancIcs.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot I
Not If they have money.
OF what kind Of scism is Henry
Ward Beecher guilty ?-Of witt
cism
hever was ruined but twice" said
a wit; once, when I lost lawsuit, and
once when gained one"
JEFF Davis is going to move 60 Balti-
more. Glad Of it. We always had a
spite against Baltimore.
Il is an established fact that person
who is guilty of squirting tobacco juice
in house of worship don't expect-to-
rate as gentleman.
A youthful writer who wanted to
know what magazine would give him
the highest position the quickest, is res
spectfully referred to the powder maga,
zine.
A negro, after gazingat some Chinese,
shook his head and solemnly said /" If
de white folks be SO dark as dat out dar,
| wondor what's de color of de black
folks.
Eve was the only woman who never
threatened to go aud live with mamma.
And Adam was the only man Who new
er. tantihzed bis wife !" about the way
mother used to cook"
Il is stated in mitigation of Feeiee
canbalism that only boys from twelve to
fourteen years old are now eaten by ed
ucated persons only the very lowest
class eat old men and women.
A writer discussing woman's rights
in the New Bedford Standard says
" Women have right to good husbands,
because the most OF them mean to do
the thing that is nearly right" That
is complimentary.
An exchange thinks the snail has a
fright smart chance for u toothache"
He has one hundred aud len rows OF
teeth, with one hundred and ten teeth
ia each row, or twelve thousand two
hundred aud ten ln all.
The latest case of observation-disclosures,
is the man who pE his dog to bed and
kicked himslf down stairs. lie never
discovered his mistake until the
next morning when he ran after COW
and found he couldn't bark.
An enterprising agent at Washington,
named Marcus r. Norton, has been ar
rested for making ten year old papers in
FIVE minutes He did ii with his LITTLE
pen aud bad the etfrontery 10 bring
them in as evidence before the ink was
dry.
The Louisville Courier says: An
exchange tells US that % BALDWIN, the
prize ii ghter, accuses Mace. bis rival IL
the ring, oil having 'sprung from the
dross Of society, +" The dross OF society
wouldn't lose much il o BALDWIN would
spring from il himself"
A teacher in school not Il hundred
miles from Augusta gave out the word
" eucharist in the spelling exercise,
aud then asked one OF the pupils to give
definition Of the word Fancy the
feelings of the teacher when he asked,
- Doesn't it mean first>class euchre
player.
A New York Farmer laughed when
his prudent wife advised him not to
smoke on load Of hay. He footed i,
home that night, with his hair singed,
most of bis garments prey to the de-
vuuring elements, and the iron work OF
his wagon in potato sack and then
his wife laughed.
Olive Logan commenced one of her
lectures at Newark, recently, with the
remark, i" Whenever | see a pretty girl
| want to clasp her in my arms" so
do we," shouted the boys from the gall
lery. For moment Olive was non
plussed, but, recovering her self posses
sion, she replied, well boys | don't
blame you"
Sidney Smith did not rank the Scotch
among those who require the aid OF
surgical operation to get joke through
their heads Quite the contrary, lie
told Robert Chambers /" You are an
immensely funny people, but. you need
little operating upon tc let the fun out.
know no instrument so effectual for
the purpose as the corkscrew."
A young man recently applied to the
Register of Bradford for certificate of
marriage. On being asked the you pg
lady's name he was unable to give it,
stating that he had known her sbnt
few days, and had not learned her name.
On describing where she lived, the reg.
lister found out her name, and gave the
happy young man the desired paper
A San Francisco pair recently con-
cludcd to elope, and chartered a tug
and Clergyman, intending to be made
one on the bosom Of the Pacific. Un>