davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1872-12-25

Sheridan, one day, when coming back from
shooting with an empty bag, did not like to go
home completely empty, so seeing number of
ducks in pond, and man or farmer lean
ing on a rail Watching them said "What will
you take for shot at the ducks?" WELL"
said he, Il will take a half sovereign"
Done, said Sheridan, and he fred into the
midst of the flock, killing dozen. I'm
afraid you have made bad bargain said
Sheridan. "Well, l don't know" said the
man, they were not mine"
Smyrna times., 1872-12-25

A Frenchman can now make cheap sham
diamonds, rubies, sapphires and emeralds, to
deceive the very elect. A Boston jeweler has
been humbugged by them.
Smyrna times., 1872-12-25

"Pa," said son to his father, what is
meant by chip of the old block ?" Why, my
son, do you ask the question: 9 Because
was in Enfield this morning, and told them
gentlemen that while hunting | saw fifty squir-
res up one tree They kept trying to make
me say l did not see but forty-nine, and be-
cause l wouldn't cay so, they said l was a
chip of the old block = y" Hem! Well,
my son, they only meant that you were smart
and honest like your pa. You can go to play
now."
Smyrna times., 1872-12-25

Josh Billings says: I" will state for the in
formation of those who havnt had chance
tew. lay in insect wisdum az freely az have,
that one single hornet who feels well, will
break up whole camp-meeting."
Smyrna times., 1872-12-25

A pleasant looking gentleman stepped out
on the platform, and inhaling the fresh air,
enthusiastically observed to the brakeman,
=" Isn't this invigoratingP "No, sir it is
Bethel" said the conscientious employee.
The pleasant looking gentleman retired.
Smyrna times., 1872-12-25

That man P one day, speaking of his
son and heir (the one who was thrown out of
the window said, 81 don't know where that
boy got bis bad temper-not from me, I'm
sure" "No," said his sarcastic wife, you We
certainly not lost yours" The man p
curled up
Smyrna times., 1872-12-25

An enthusiastic Republican, who had bet on
New York, when he heard the election returns,
cried out "Rah for Dix. If anybody pulls
down the American flag, spot HIM on the
snOOt.'
Smyrna times., 1872-12-25

The following is one of Artemus Wards
sentences: Does not young mothers heart
leap with joy when she beholds her darling
babes lst 2th?'
Smyrna times., 1872-12-25

BANTERED HIM-Judge Smith, after he
was seventy, married wife considerably his
junior. One day, soon after the ceremony, he
was riding with her, and on coming to hill,
she bantered him with the remark:
Judge, my father always used to walk up
hill"
$50 did my first wife, replied the Judge.
Smyrna times., 1872-12-25

Titusville girls, with view to matrimonial
matters, stain their fingers with shoe bronze,
and when their gentlemen acquaintances ask
the cause of the same, softly whisper:
have been helping mother put up canned
fruit -
Smyrna times., 1872-12-25

"Who's that gentleman, my little man? ?"
was asked of an urchin THAT one with the
spike-tailed coat?" Yes" was the response.
Why, he's brevet uncle of mine "How's
that?" was asked. Cause he's engaged to
my Aunt Mary"
Smyrna times., 1872-12-25

Irate Parent-"O, yer don't want to 20
into business, don't yer! o, yer want to be
clerk in the post horlice, do you'll Post. .horfce,
indeed Why, all you're fit for is to stand
outside with your tongue hout, for people to
wet their stamps against!'
Smyrna times., 1872-12-25

Some are unwisey liberal, and more delight
to give presents than to pay debts.
Smyrna times., 1872-12-25

When you bury animosity, never mind put.
ting up tombstone.
Smyrna times., 1872-12-25

Laws and Resolutions of the United States Pas
i" sod at the second session OF The Forty
second Congress.
Connecticut western news., 1872-06-28
How to Advertise.

Never run down your opponents goods in public. Let him do his own adver- Using.
 Let your advertisements have some- thing of the dash in them, without ex- aggeration.
 You can't eat enough in one week to last you whole year, and you can't ad- vertise on that plan either.
 It's as true of advertising as of any thing else in the world-if it is worth doing at all, it is worth doing well.
 Handbills and circulars are good of their kind, but cannot take the place of newspaper advertisements.
 Injudicious advertising is like fishing where there's no fish. You need to let the lines fall in the right place.
 No bell can ring so loudly as'-a good advertisement. People will believe what they see rather than what they hear.
 Small advertisements, and plenty of them, is good rule. We were all babies once, yet we made considerable noise.
 When you advertise, see that you do it on the same principle that you buy goods. Get the most that you can for the money. .....
 We don't recommend advertising as oA40 OOSo W"J UO 9OO O W1AC put WO huOW that it is the best way to get good trade.
 People who advertise only once in three months forget that most folks don't remember anything longer than seven days.
 If you can arouse curiosity by an ad- vertisement it is great point gained. The fair sex don't hold all the curiosity in the world.
 A constant dropping will wear rock. Keep dropping your advertisements on the public and they will soon melt under it like rock salt. ... .-. 4=
 "Dull times," it is said, Care the best for advertisers. Because when money is tight, and the people are forced to economize, they always read the ad- vertisements to ascertain who sell the cheapest, and where they can trade to the best advantage.
 According to the character or extent of your business set aside liberal per centage for your advertising. Keep yourself unceasingly before the public, and it matters not what business of utility you may be engaged in, for if in- telligently and industriously pursued, a fortune will be the result. The man who advertises shows not only business talent above his neigh bors, but he may be at once reckoned among the independent, generous and public spirited of the community. He who hides his light under bushel, when such advantages as those at present af forded are so freely offered him, does not | deserve to succeed =
Connecticut western news., 1872-06-28
s1nau1.AR AoousAr1oNs or BnurA11r

SINGULAR ACCUSATIONS OF BRUTALITY. A Massachusetts paper published the following almost incredible story of the misdeeds of resident of Northbourgh, and alleges that it is not his first ofiense of the kind; "A few days since young lay in his employ, at work with a horse in the field, lost control of the horse, and he ran to the barn. without doing any material damage. This so enraged him that he gavesthe boy most cruel beating with 0 heavy stick {; he then proceeded to beat his horse, when his daughter, @ young woman, came out and begged her father not to abuse the horse in that manner, to which he paid no at- tention, but continued to beat his horse morevseverely. The daughter continu- ed to plead with her father to desist, when he left the horse and proceeded to beat her with the same heavy stick. His wife, seeing the danger her daughter was in, came out and begged her hus- band to spare their daughter. He then leftfthe daughter, seized his wife by the hair of the head, and proceeded to pum- mel her in most brutal and murderous manner. The daughter seeing the dan ger her mother was in, ran across the road to neighbor for help. This en- ragged him still more, and he met the daughter on her return, and knocked her down on the highway, where she lay sometime apparently in a senseless con dition. After while some of the neigh bors arrived at the battlefield, and the cruelty ceased for the present.
Connecticut western news., 1872-06-28

were irrelevant and lmpertinent in the matter iD question.
 "I pledged my word to the Court that they were neither. but had very impor- tant bearing upon the case, and was al. lowed to proceed. repeated my ques- tion.
 "'I've boy and girl.' .
 "s Pray, how old are they2'
 "'The boys twelve, and the girls nine, I b'lieve.'
 "Ah! We'll, I suppose you arc an affcctionate father, as we'll as a kind hus- band. You are not in the habit of beating your wife and children, are you ?
 "'I don't see what business it is of yours. No! ain't.' .-
 "You don't knock your son about, for example?'
 "tNo! I don't.' (He was growing down. right savage, especially as the people in the court began to laugh.)
 "' You don't pummel him with your fist, eh2'
 "tNo! don't
 "sOr knock his head upon the ground in this manner?' (and I rapped the table with my knuckles.
 "Now Gndignantly.)
 "t You never did such thing ?
 "Nop h.
 q" You swear to that?' "tYesp ..w -..-... "All this time I had never given him an opportunity of seeing my face: I now turned towards him and said
 "t Look at me, sir! Did you ever see me before?' "He was about to say No agaln but all at once he stopped, turned very white, and made no answer. .u. ..-
 "'That will do,' said: stand down, sir. My lord, shall prove to you that this witness is not to be believed on his oath.'
 "I then related what we had seen that morning, and putting my friend, who had been sitting behind me all the while, into the witness-box, he of course confirmed the statement. <.-.. ...
 The court immediately decided that the man was unworthy of belief, and the result was a verdict for the defendant, with costs, and severe reprinand from the judge to Myers, who was very near being committed for perjury. But for the occurrence of the morning, the decision would inevitably have been against us As I said before, it was in double sense fortunate for me, for it was the means of my. introduction, through MT. Tritten, to an influential and lucrative connection"
Connecticut western news., 1872-06-28
Johnny's Opinionzyof Grandmother.

Grandmothers are very nice folks, -
 They beat all the aunts in creation, They let chap do as he likes, -
 And don't worry about education. Pm sure can't see it at all, 1+ ..--
 What poor fellow ever could do For apples, and pennies, and cakes, Without grandmother or two. Grandmothers speak softly to 'smas'"
 To let a boy have a good time; Sometimes they will whisper 'tis true,
 Tother way, when a boy wants to climb. Grandmothers have mullins for tea, And pies, whole row in the cellar, And they're apt (if they know it in t;me,)
 To make chicken pie for a sfeller." And if he is bad now and then,
 And makes great racketing -oise, They only look over their specs,
 And say, "Ah, these boys will be boys" "Life is only so short at the best,
 Let the children be happy to-day ;' Then they look for awhile at the sky, ya And the hills that are far, far away. ~ Quite often, as twilight comes on,
 Graadmothers sing hymns, very low, To themselves as they rock by the fire, About Heaven, and when they shall go. And then, a boy stopping to think, r.
 Will find hot tear in his eye, To know what will some at the last -' For grandmothers all have to die. wish they could stay here and pray,
 For a boy needs their prayers ev'ry night Some boys more than others, I s'pose Such as I need g wonderful sight.
Connecticut western news., 1872-06-28
The Murder of a Keeper.

Justice Dunn boy, has been on trial, in New York for killing his keeper in the House of Refuge, where Dunn was prisoner. A city paper says: Inciden- tally there comes out in the course of the trial of the boy Dunn, for killing Calvert, frightful story of barbarous and un- usual punishments inflicted on the boys at the House of Refuge. If the evidence of the inmates of the institution is worth anything, boys have been triced up by their thumbs, beaten horribly, lashed on the bare back with soaked leathern thongs, and otherwise maltreated. Dur ing the trial Dunn was called to the stand. The boy gave his testimony in straightforward way. He said:
 I am 1e years old. My father sent me to the House of Refuge in 1869, and I was sent there second time by my sister in September, 1870. was first whipped in September by Brush. I was laid across a stool, and punished on the bare back with straps. My back was so sore that could not sit down for two weeks after. had knife which Dobbins gave me to cut tobacco with. It was an old shoe knife that he picked up in sweeping the floor. On the evening of tLe 17th of March I had the knife in my hand, and some tobacco in my hand too. Calvert came along locking the cell gates. I hollered to Balky: Balky, do you want a chew?" Calvert asked who hollered. As he came along I hoIlered {" Balky' again. Calvert said, "Iu give you Balkyl" and pulled the cell door open, and made kick for me. He missed me, and that made him mad. He told me to come out of the cell. l walked out, knife in one hand, tobacco in the other. I put the tobacco in my left pocket, and the hand with the knife in it in my right. I thought he would only give me couple of boxes in the ear. He gave me a crack in the ear and kick ed me in the leg, and kicked again. l got excited, and pulled my knife out of my pocket. He saw the knife and jump ed back. He jumped at me again, called me names, and kept kicking at me-. 1 just swung the knife back and forward to keep him from kicking me. Brennan came up stairs and asked me for the knife. said, "Wait, and see if he vii
 kick me any more." He stood by the balusters, and didn't kick. then wenq inside my cell and hid the tobacco in my pea, as 1t IS against the rules or Ine House to have tobacco. Then Jones and all the officers came running up stairs, and Jones told Brennan to bring me down. Brush punched me behind the ear and knocked me down. I was taken to cell, and went to bed as usual. Then Milady and others came again, and took me to Calvert's room to question me. I would not answer, for knew I would get punished anyhow. Jones said he would knock me down. knew if I would not answer then the officers would all get at me. answered some questions.
Connecticut western news., 1872-06-28

MEXICAN AFFArRs.-Th official bulletin of Gen. Treving relating to the battle of Monterey announces complete victory over the Government forces, and the capture of all their supplies after an en- gagement in which his own army sus- tained severe loss. Col. Revueltas, with several hundred Government soldiers retired to Saltillo, pursued by Gen. Lang with eight hundred men. Between the 30th of May and the 3d of June the city of Monterey was sacked by the sol . diers of both sides, and large amounts of property stolen. Several of the principal stores were completely cleaned out. Col. Steel an American well and favorably known in northern Mexico, and for years resident Of Monterey, and serving on the staff of Gen. Treyino, was killed. Many youths of the city serving in the National Guard were also killed. Whale City has been plundered, and is repre- scented to be in a state of mourning for those killed Tn action. Nearly every family has lost some member,
Connecticut western news., 1872-06-28

OLD HUNDRED. The opening choral, cold Hundred" at the opening of the Coliseum in Boston, correspondent says, produced profound effect. Istood at the extreme end of the building when the chorus rose. It was not unlike the surging of an ocean tide. As the section rose one after the other, great wave seemed to sweep across the multitudinous choir, and when the voices, instruments and powerful organ joined in the solemn notes of that familiar hymn, a new and indefinite awe seemed to run through the multitude of listeners with vibratory power, as if a new and divine electricity had been evolved. I turned round and found men and women in tears. They were entirely incapable of telling what was tle matter with, them. Such is the effect of the sublime, even when method ically, planned. I felt something swell ing in my throat at the same time, but I think have recovered my reason suffi- ciently to aver that it was Hot the effect of the musical excellence of the perfor- nance, but was rather the result of the human susceptibility, to new and myste- rious sensations.
Connecticut western news., 1872-06-28
That Fiji Princess.

A Williamsport, Pa., paper, says that some days before the arrival of Barnum's exhibition there a letter reached the post-ofice directed to t' Any Methodist
 Minister in Williamsport." It was placed in the box of Rev. J. B. Palsgrove, and proved to be 8 communication from George Boyne, of Sacramento, Gal, the missionary who brought Mary Jane Neeboalow, the Fiji woman now travel ing with Barnum's show, from her na- tive island to Sacramento. By that let ter we learn that she is devout Chris tian, having been brought up from child by Mr. Boyne and educated in the Fiji language. She is very devoted, reads her Bible almost constantly and seems much attached to it. The com munlcation referred to stated that she was dissatisfied and wanted to leave the business of being exhibited to the public as a curiosity, and would leave if she had any friends to take charge of her fornia She is ardently attached to the family of MT. Boyne, and would gladly return. How she was induced to leave them is not clear but she was placed in
 the hands of Barnum by man named Gardenhyer, to whom Barnum probably paid considerable sum for obtaining her. The missionary claims that Gar aenhyer, obtained her by fraud; but be this as it may, it is very evident that she has become discontented and wished to be free from the annoyance of being made public exhibition. Proper steps were about to be taken to release her at Williamsport, when on.legal advice it was thought best to wait for further and particular information from Sacramento before taking this step. We regret the delay, and think that too much caution had been used The woman is evidently suffering mentally from her manner of living, and it will no doubt seriously affect her health. No ill treatment is alleged by her friends, but if she be held in any sort of duress she should be i'm mediately released. -as fa4t sa-% .
Connecticut western news., 1872-06-28

TIE F1EA.-When flea, under mi, croscope, is made to, appear as large as an elephant, we can see all the wonderful parts of it's formation, and are astonish- ed to find that it has coat of armor much more complete than ever warrior wore, and composed of strong, polished plates, fitted over each other, each plate covered like tortoise, shell, and where they met hundreds of small quills project like those on the back of porcupine or hedgehog. There are the arched neck, the bright eyes, the transparent cases, piercers to puncture the skin, a sucker to draw away the blood, six long-jointedlegs, four of which are folded on the breast, all ready, at any moment, to be thrown out with tremendous force for that jump which bothers one when they want to catch him, and at the end of each leg hooked claws, to enable him to cling on whatevsF he alights upon. A flea can jump hundred times his own length,
 which is the same as if man jumped over five hundred feet and he can draw a load two hundred times his own weight.
Connecticut western news., 1872-06-28

HARDY VNDICATIoN.-Fiftee years ago one Sam Steele worked on a farm for MT. George Barbour, who lived Q mile and half north of Jacksonville, Ill. One day Barbour came to town, bringing his wife. Before starting he called in Steele, and in his presence put $250 in a bureau drawer, locked it up, and delivered to him the key of the drawer, as well as the key to the house, telling him to take care of both for the day. Returning home at night, and re- counting the money, MT. Barbour found that $50 bill was missing. Steele, who was the only one that knew of the where abouts of the money beside Mir. Barbour, denied all knowledge of the missing bill, declaring that he had not entered the room since he did so with Barbour. The latter maintained that Steele must know somethingfabou the matter, and finally discharged him from his service. Steele left and has not been heard of since. A few days since Mir. Barbour found the missing $50 in the back part of his bureau, caught in the frame. One-half of the bill was worn away by rubbing of the drawer as it had been pulled back ward and forward. When he found it he burst into tears, conscience-stricken from unjustly accusing and censuring Steele.
Connecticut western news., 1872-06-28

BUTTER AND CHEESE. MT. Willard furnishes IHe Rwal Ne,o Yorker with statistics showing that 22 pounds of milk for pound of butter may be safely taken as an average at butter factories, and 10 pounds of milk for pound of cheese at cheese factories and he adds that if we assume that % pounds of milk will make a pound of butter which sells at 31 cents, then butter-making at factories is little better than cheese making, when cheese sells for IA cents, to say nothing of the difference between the value of the skim med milk over whey. 3 i-a25a' aal
Connecticut western news., 1872-06-28
LITTLE GIRL MURDERED BY A CHILD.

A LITTLE GIRL MURDERED BY A CHILD. Alice Snyder, little girl of ten years of age, died in Saratoga, N. Y., from the effects of an injury received at the hands of Willie Van Wagoner, a boy of eight, about six weeks since. Alice was carry ing baby along the sidewalk, and passed Willie, who was playing marbles slone. She remarked the marbles. looked like hers, and picked one up. The boy be- came enraged, ran into the yard and procured stick over four feet in length, knotty, and which had been used for beading carpets. Returning, he struck Alice so severely on the left temple that she dropped the infant from her arms. She suffered severely that day and night, but on the next day Sunday attended Sabbath-school. On Monday following she was taken down, and died. s yJ
Connecticut western news., 1872-06-28

} Nor ANY.-During the late war man
 out West, in small gathering of friends,
 was urging upon their minds the impor- tance of enlisting. "Go, my brave friends" said he; ;" fight for your coun- try-die for it, if it be necessary; for, it is sweet to die for our native land."
 "But," said one, eff it's sweet to die for ones country, why don't you go ?" This was a poser, and for moment dis concerted him, but rallying, he replied that he, as an individual, '' was not fond of sweet things. , ,.s.. r..-..... |. -a.s.
Connecticut western news., 1872-06-28
Writing for the Papers.

Under the above heading, the Rich mond (Va.( Erening Nesos says :-
 Some folks have queer ideas about the privileges and immunities granted to the Press, an amusing instance of which has just come to our knowledge. A spruce young lady entered Broad street store, few days since, and said to the clerk who came to wait upon her. "Tve just commenced to write for the papers.
 s@Yes, Miss I am glad to hear it. .
 "Yes," she continued, "I've just commenced to write for the papers, and I came in to see what you would give me" ffs s- ... .....-...... ....
 "Give you, Miss-?" said the sur prised clerk. -..-.....>
 "Yes, I don't care much what it is to begin with, a dress, or dozen handker- chiefs, or"
 ts''I don't exactly understand" inter- ruptea the clerk.
 "Why, am writing for the papers, '' she glibly replied, "and gentlemen who write for the papers go the theaters, ho- tels, restaurants, furnishing stores, every where, and get just what they want, and I know they never pay anything now why shouldn't I do the same :; you know this is an era of woman's rights" and she gave cenquettish toss of her head and one of the sweetest smiles imagina- ble.
 The gentlemanly clerk informed her that that was one of the stores where the "free list" had been entirely suspended.
 She manifested great surprise at this information, but soon recovereing her equanimity she inquired if the gentle man knew of any store where the free list was still kept open. The clerk whis- pered to her the name of we'll known merchant, and the lady departed for the happy haven, but with what reception she met we have not heard. . ....
Connecticut western news., 1872-06-28

Trout are very delicious eating, espe- cially when one is on an excursion in the country but the cause of their delicate flavor has hitherto been secret. It is now found to be owing to the light and delicate diet in which the fish indulge. A man at Worcester, the other day, caught a peculiarly plump specimen, and, on dressing it, found that it contained, among other delicacies, ? large meadow rat and 8 striped snake two feet long,