Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1871-1872, 1872-06-24
The Major Muldoon Letters


HrADouAarERs Heavy ARTILLERY,
AsToR HousR. :
To ne Editor Of The World.
Sin submit the following corsespOn
dsnce for Ihs consideration Of the truly
IoyAl.
HEADeUARTERs HEAvY ARTILLERY,
AsTOA HOusE.
Ny DEAh PRoFEssoR OF course 10 give
me 40 office you would have 10 remove
relative, aud you know think too much OF
your family 70 expect you 10 make such
sacrifice.
No, Professor, l dont want an Office.
When your bull-lsrFierS have increased
and multiplied, IL yoa will save me pup
shall consider il such . favor as time 10 not
liable 70 sfAce, but donL want Office.
l have . conundrpm. You see, Professor,
some Of the wicked Aad obscure Democracy
Who are not good II figures anyhow, have
bssn trying 70 cast up your 6nAnciAl status.
Il Is none Of their business, | knou.
A man has an inherent right to all the
property he cAu get together, excepting in
IN tns State Of New Jersey, where there 10
az undue bias against an ofice-holder's pro
Vding for his decrspituds.
Still these Democrats will figure, and they
dOnt figure loyalty; that 10 70 say, p Professor, |
they assume that the Dents are like unto the !
Bumsssads in the acquisition Of wealth.
To begin with, Ihsy les on that when you
had osushed the rsbsiliOn--yOu know you
crushed the rebellion, Professor, you and
Lset-you we're not sfluent.
They admit that you got well started 10
the wood traffic 10 81. Louis, bot they affirm
that your partner, one Rye, ran away with
she profits, 90 that IN 1861 you were some.
what beloU Burgundy ~ . steady beverage.
They admit thAtfrom 1861 you drew your
salary With that regularity and precision
which youE relatives have since then 90 sue
oessfully smulAtsd, and which has come 20
be spoken OF ~ the conquest Of Spinner By
the stirition process; that you had and still
have . house in GaleuA; that Borie aud you
had add nov have . house in Philadelph
that Major. General Battlefield gave Won
100000 Of gratitude money in 1869 ~ ia
70 be regretted that Daniels health com
pelled him 10 give up that ofios) but they
also declare that sincs you attained your
present prOfssIorship you have acquired and
stocked farm Of two hundred acres near
ST. Louis, at . ooIl OF $500 900; SIS, 900 Of
Seneca sandstone stock, together with some
little Alaska Seal Company scrip; that you
bulls Loug Branch cottage number one al q
cost Of $40 600, aud number two ate cost
Of $37 900; that ron have ruu the White
Houss-Uhieh Of itself has red some Of
Jour predecessors 70 the verge Of the aims.
houss--and kept some Of ths Royal Family
abroad part OF the time; and these inper,i-
neut Democrats wish 70 knov hew you do
this on your salary Of $4,000 and interest
money.
To bs sure, ss did ArtemuG when the good
clergyman submitted allow are the mighty
fallen :" you can give it up, bat should
prefer = solutions TOR, Professor, IL there is
anything that will Knock . Democrat clean
OF bis pins toa dead certaiDty il is one, or
two Ai the most, OF your solutions.
MULDoOS, Major Heavy ARTILLERY.
To L. S. Grant, Professor OF Offce-holdIug,
Long Branch, n. j.
RuLER's BETREAT, on rHE ATLANTIC
NgAE MURPHY's AND J. CHAMBERLIS's
LoEG BRASCH, n. J.
MAJOR ! read your kind letter with
great pleasure, the more since, wish the e1.
cspIiou Of Colonel Lssl, you are the FIRST
soldier have ever met that didn't want no
office.
0fiOs, Major, has doue much to corrupt
the masses, and the sooner they get over
tina, idea the better il will be Tor the nation
At large.
You get my meaning
! have directed Porter to put your pup
application 90 Gle. lie vont have much 10
do this summer, aud he Gao attend TO that
branoh OF tie government jast 80 we'll as
not.
However, there is great demand for them,
aud perhaps you better come down long 10
August, a. pap 10 the hand is better Ihau
two IN the bush.
Major, the right TO pat conupdrumI 10 one
Of the priceless boons Of liberty.
Every other boone has q price, but this
one 10 like jim Nye-it is without money
and without price.
You get my meaning Sill think the
Democrats onghi to make an exception in
my case.
They ought 10 remember that / am the
only man that ever saved the nation, and
the fac! IbAI they have Q nation, which but
for me would be mere ohoas, ought TO sat
isfy them.
Zoo get my msaninR2
The Democrats ought 10 remember that
the money | have received is, as you Aptly
RNh ~ hNAAhuho uOueNs 4 nek Aluu OL money
viii stretch DOT further in q mans family
than . Ham bletoniAn colt besides, there 10
larger percentage in favor Of the dealer in
my game than in any other.
You get my meaning?
You SEQ, Major, what the nation loses
gain, which makes . stand -of-an average,
~ It we're.
The money 10 all here. Ain't it juIt as
safe in my family as in Spinner's?
Whats . few national debts compared TO
national prospsrity?
You get my meaning? Shall taxes out
weigh gratitude
Ravens humblsd Great Britain?
Dare Spain look me in the faes2
Didn't pot head on OatacaZy?
Look a. the time | have made in the
White Houss race.
Hsvsn't outfootsd all my predecessors,
excepting George, and lay up close TO
him2
Haven't shown the people more lenisncy
than any conqueror Of modern or ancient
iimsa7
When saved the nation II was mine,
wAsnt IL, bat didn't 20 ali square and
level with the people?
You ger my meaning?
And nov they berAse me with conun-
drums.
Major, this is only Democratic ingrAti-
tuds.
Every Democrat is . Ku Klux.
U. SIMPSON GIANT.
Professor Of 0Hiies-holding, Conquersr,
Second Warrington, &e., 4 c., 30.
To Major AuldOOn, Heavy ARTILLERY.
Also annex extracts from other ooTre-
spoadsnos;
have deep conviction tina. Grant is oil
right hnAneially. HENRY WTLsoS.
la view Of his repeated failures In asvsral
kinds Vt msroantils pursuitl prior 20 Inc /. A.
war, his official thrift aud relative urnd.ncs
seem oil the more brilliaai and com meuds.
bic. .WARp Brrcpv.
Very few Of oar truly great men s.,s
been gifted with 60 mach family foresight
THOMAS MuRpHY.
Some men are born great, Others aehisY,
RtsAtasss. others have IL thrust upon them
- al l. s. l.