The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1872-03-23
VARIETY.

One brand of Cincinnati whisky is warranted
to contain 437 fights to the barrel.
A gentleman, who named one of his pigs Maud,
SAYS he did 40 because she is continually looming
into the garden"
The Chicago Tribune wants DR.. Livingston to
be brought back and then put under bonds to
= keep out of Africa
"AhI'' unused Smith, as he contemplated his
extensive collection of New Years bills, show
true is that in the midst Of life we are in debt.
The Boston Post says: "Mr. Fitzpatrick. of
New o leans, was arrested for bathing his wife's
forehead with a He probably thought she
was blOckhead.'
Western editor speaks of his rival as ''mean
enough to steal the swill from blind hog" The
rival retorts by saying; "He knows he lies;
never stole his swiIl ~
murderer, who was recently hanged, told his
attending ministers eff had received as much
attention before being put into prison as have
since, should never have been here"
The Messoula, Montana Pioneer for December
9 was printed ON a half sheet of wrapping paper.
The edition consumed all that was left In town,
and the editor announced that the next edition
would be printed on gunny bags unless 1t stopped
showing
One of the so-called semi official German pa
pers is of the opinion that the rebcllious spirit of
the inhabitants of the conquered provinces of
Alsace and Lorraine cannot be cured IN this gen
Grafton while it laughs the idea of firing the
French heart" with = hope Of ever reconquerIng
the disputed territory.
The Louisville Journal. referring to the fact
that somebody going TO build a hotel IN Rhode
Island ninety-twO feet long and sixty feet wide,
expresses establishment that the authorities
'.should permit anybody to put the state all under
roof in that way
At special party where humorous definitions
was one of the games Of the evening, the question
was nut s.What Is reliy iyiOn2' Religion, - re-
piled one Of the party, more famous as a man OF
business than of w.t. ''is insurance against fire
In the next world, for which honesty is the best
-Piiey-"
Somebody in Connecticut sold bottle of the
best brandy and Prof. Silliman of Yale College
having analyzed the same, finds in it alum, iron,
sulphurc acid, essential oil of some kind, tannic
acid, Guinea pepper, burnt sugar, lead and cop
per, with basIs of whisky.
No WoRsz-( Fragment overheard the other
day)-.WeiI, Iauchie, how you?'' MAN,
I'm wonderful weeI, c,nsiderin'." .'COnsideTing
what p II did last nicht what I've no dune
this tairty year. l gaed to bed painfully sober !;
and I'm thankful to say got up this mornin no
q bit the waur.'
As n loser of himself, says the Louisville
Courier DIR. Livingston Is without parallel IN
history. For our part we can't see the use In
spending 50 much time and money to find man
who can't he hired to stay found and who is never
happy except when he Is lost.
A gentleman in Keene, y. H., recently re-
ceived by express package containing watch,
on the outside OF which the sender had made the
following Endorsements :-''Only a watch-bang
il tbruugh-tOss it arOund-drop 1t twice at least.
Merely a watch, simply a watch, knock 1t about
Second attempt in one week to get a watch over
the road whole" The watch was received IN
tact.
4 little thing in a,Sabbath school was asked by
her teacher if she always said her prayers night
and morning ssNO, Miss, l don't" 'Why,
Mary. are YOU not afraid to go to sleep in the
dark without asking the good Father to take care
of YOU and watch over you till morning. ''No,
miss. in't-'cause L sleep in the middle
TIE TAYLOR JUG.-Dr. Tyng met an emigrant
family going West. On one Of the wagons there
hung a lug with the bottom knocked out ''Why
Is that - asked the Doctor. ''Why that Is my
Taylor mo - said the man. s'And what is Tay-
lor iug p asked the Doctor again. 81 bad son
in General Taylor army in Mexico. and the zen
eraI always told him to carry his whisky jug with
a hole in the bottom, and that's it. 1t Is the best
invention l ever met for hard drinkers
A Danbury, Conn, man saw his daughter into
the cars and passed round to her window Tor
uartiug look at her. While he was passing out
the daughter left the seat to speak to friend,
and at the same time prim looking lady, VI no
occupied the seat with her, moved up TO the
window Unaware of the important change
inside, our venerable friend hastily put his face
up 10 the window and hurriedly exclaimed, - One
more kiss, sweet pet" In another instant the
point Of blue cotton umbrella caught his seduc-
tive lips, followed by the passionate injunction
90 Scat, you gray headed wretch - and ne scat
tered.