The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1872-01-13

so ! turned to anohsr bonrder, Mr..
Woffies.
'Woffles," I saislf'it strikes mo that
you must be of Vegetable origin that
hair of yours is WIN they call carroty
your nose. is turnss snd have heard
some speak of you Il beet. Don't YOU
think, now, there M Il haye been some
cabbage heads in thsorigiual branch of
the family ?"
lt was iuterestinE@ s. observe Wofies
while was makiDisfhese observations
1t sreucd AS though pme one had put a
hot ~ hS pan undsiE him, he squirmed
and moved around 30, and made such
hideons faces. Whsf got through ne
just gave one Wild glare at me, and
made II dash ior theI water pitcher, and
as | Thought he vas threatened with
apopiexy or something OF that sort,
grabbed the contchts over his head
Tney took him up! stairs in truly
shocking condition.
Old larbot w$sSfftthc subject of my
next effort to get some facts in ethnolo-
~ lie is queer looking chup, Tur.
bu. is rather ecentris; and with mouth
Sesf mnch like al goldfish. All the
poardors naue luu OF this Old niau right
to his face. just bac,use he is deaf.
ra"e oi'cn pointed tut 10 them the sin
OF ".oNtn- s.unie Ola Venerable codger
kc ''.;n, bu. tney ssy they don't; this
his nane Shows thathe is game anyway
But L don't believe that Turbot is a
game fish; but it is no use arguing with
these ignoramuses about anything.
"Well, l yelled 1t old Turbot, "have
you read Darwin. sif?"
"Ioung man, ysu just let those
things alone and pass that butter, if you
pleuse::"
What do you think of CLANS, sir ?'
| tried To SPEAK sasss tarty FIVE degrees
above Zero tnis titmc.
40, did uot ,ay ham butter.
Moving closer 'cnlni. put my mouth
near his ear aud yei!od .!ssti.
"Do you consider it likely TIN. any
portion of the human race is descended
from the clam? Nov, when we come
to weigh different theories and spcclla-
tions in the scales
He burst upon me furiou'ly. "Do
you mean to call me scaly? You inpu-
dent scoundrel. you un'nannerly, out
rageous, impcrtinen rascal You-you
wh-r-r!"
That was as far as he could 60 The
emotions were too heavy for him. and he
broke down. 1t was Unfortunate that
the old CHIP exploded. Ii he had only
been calm and kept his temper | might
have got something out of him. for he
spends Il great deal of his time reading
these scien itic books, which none but
lunatics pretend to understand But it
was not to be. Fate had ordained that
/ should have difficulty in pursuing my
Investigations.
Dropping Turbot turned to an an.
cient damsel by the name of Squuks,
who wears an intellectual pal. Of spec
taces aud is considered ahead of all the
other boarders In the ethics business.
"Madam," I said, what is your hon
est opinion about the origin of the spe-
cies ? Of course, you know what Dar.
win says, tut | want your own opinion
Now, do you think Adam was made of
-, .. ...-.;; 49,. ,.,,, ,.1s.. :
potnto?"
Miss Squinks looked at potato on
her fork for some seconds, and then an
swered
"That man was poor, weak minded
simpletou, anyways, aud if | thought he
was descended from n potato | would
never eat another. Drat him
"Do you mean, Miss Squinks, that
you would nerc, eat another man !"
She flew into passion at once, and |
had as much as could do to get in an
explanation Of why | had asked the fr t
question.
You see" said, IL asked because
there arc so many persons called pota-
toes, and it struck ne that \ dam hiul-
self might have grown up from one"
"Persons called potatoes Why, how
in the world did that get into your
head? What kind Of persons ART called
potatoes
"Oh, | Thought you kncw--thc Muir.