Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1872-10-24
Varieties.
The first game of life-Bawl.
GALLEY sLAvE-The printer.

THE first game of ife-Bawl.
GALLEY sLAvE-The printer.
A TALE of misery-The cocktail.
If speech is silver, and if silence is
gold, how much is a deaf and dumb
man worth?
"A YOUNG MAN generally gives lock of
his hair to his sweetheart before he
marries her. After marriage she gen.
eral y helps herself.
JOSH BILLINGS Gays: Whenever
find a real handsome woman engaged
in wimmin's rights Dizziness, then l am
going to take my hat under my arm
and jine the procession"
"GooD morning, Patrick; you have
got new coat at last, but it seems to
fit you rather too much" "Och |
there's nothing surprising in that; sure
l wasn't there when l was measured
for it,"
"GEoRGE," asked the teacher of
Sunday-school class, "who above all
others shall you wish first to see when
you get to heaven 2" With face
Frightening up with anticipation, the
little fellow shouted, "Gerliah |"
"WHAT's to become of me, if you
die?" asked an affectionate wife of her
receding husband. " 1 don't know"
he snapped out, querulously. " 1T would
look better in you to be thinking about
what's. to become Of me II
AN old farmer said to his sons
Boys, don't you ever wait for summit
to turn up. You might just as well go
on an sit down on stone in the mid
die of medder, with a pale atwixt
your legs, an wait tor a cow to back up
to you to be milked."
A CLERICAL passenger by the Metis,
who hoated around all night, and
reached land at last, with vivid thoughts
of his wife's anxiety, rushed to the
nearest telegraph Office and sent this
message: Dear p, am saved. Break
it gently to my wife |"
"PApA, stand on that HEARTH" said
little trennarian to his doting parent,
who objected that the hearth would be
scratched and his mother would not
like it. Yes, papa, do; l wish you
would.' "But why, my child?' re-
sponded paterfamilias. Because mann
ma III give you fits if you do, and want
to see her."
A C1Nc1NNATI youth, guided by the
advice of fortune. teller, sought to make
a girl love him by means of electricity
working from under the chair. When
the time came she sprang into the air
about three feet, and when she came
down she landed in her lovers hair and
took about two handfuls, and then told
him she hated him. No match.
A FARMER out West bought new
cook stove, held funeral in his house,
had new door hung, hired new cook,
and had thirty new panes OF glass put
| in the windows all in the same day.
The day before his "help" tried to light
fire in the cook-stove with coal oil.
AMERICANS are said to have ruined
what was at one time the best hotel IN
London-the Langham Hotel, Portland
Place. Time was when the establish
ment was we'll managed and moderate
| in charges, but now it is one OF the most
unsatisfactory and exorbitant places TO
| soiourn at in all London.
DURING the late rebellion, man out
West, in a small gathering of friends,
was urging upon their minds the i'm.
portance of enlisting: $50, my friends"
cried he, eight for your countryside
for it if necessary; for it Is sweet to die
for your native land" But" said
one, "if it is sweet to die for ones
country, why don't you go?' This was
a poser, and for a moment disconnected
him but rallying, he declared that he,
as an individual, was not fond OF sweet
| thingS,