The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-01-16
+ U M 0 Ro U S 1T E Nj

a-miss.
tB- A boys paper in Boston advises the
Humane Society to arrest all persons in the
city who bottle catsup.
GB- Why is a man riding fast up bill like
another taking little dog to young
lady? Because he is taking a gal pup.
tB- A paper, in putting certain soap,
says it is the best ever made for dirty
mans face. We have tried it and therefore
we ought to know"
tB- A resident of Kalamazoo writes to
"school board in Ohio that he will take
school as he has "tought 2 terms school 81
attended College a yrs at Detroit .michi-
gan and am 90 yrs ov age p
tB- A hardy seaman, who had escaped
one of the recent shipwrecks upon our coast,
was asked by good lady how he felt when
the waves broke over him. He replied,
"Wet, ma'am very wet"
GSg- A country girl, coming from morn
ing walk, was told she looked as fresh as
a daisy kissed by the dew to which she
innocently replied, "You've got my name
right--Daisy but his name isn't dew."
CB- A Lawyers Toast. as
he SAID, to the profession which had the
reputation of being fond Of fees, he offered;
Fee simple, and simple fee,
And all the fees in tall
Are nothing when compared with thee,
Thou best OF fees-FBMALE.
CTg- A horse of another coor.-Little
Boy.-When get bigger Mr.. Brown, you'll
let me ride your horse, won't You? Mr..
Brown.-Why, Charlie, l haven't any
horse; what made you think so? Charlie
Why heard mother say this morning that
you'd been riding high horse lately.
CB- Perseverance, remember" says
John Wesley, "hearing my father say to
my mother, elbow could you have patience
to tell that blockhead the same thing twenty
times over ?' "Why," said she, elf had
told him but nineteen times, ! should have
lost all my labor"
Ea- An old bachelor geologist was boast
ing that every rock was as familiar to him
as the alphabet. A lady who was present
declared that she knew one of which he
was wholly ignorant.
You don't say-just name it mad
am ?" cried Caleb, quite self-possessed.
"It is rock the cradle, sir, y replied the lady.
E3- At one of the ''labor conventions
held in Washington during the strike,
contractor made a speech exhorting his
hearers to "work in the interests of har-
| 4
bodied striker sprang to his feet with the
exclamation, eyes, sab dat's what we
want hominy and peas but who can get
it wild a dollar an half a day?"
cE- " Pa, didn't you whip me for biting
Tommy?"
"Yes, my child-you hurt him very
much indeed"
We'll, then pa, you ought to whip mammals
music teacher, too--for he bit mamma right
in her mouth, and knew it hurt her, be-
cause she put her hands around his neck
and tried to choke him %
EB- Once upon time says history,
Scotch pedestrian was attacked by three
thieves. He defended himself well, but
was overcome, when the thieves, much to
their astonishment, found that he owned
only the small sum Of sixpence.
"The DEVILS in the fellow" said one,
ITO fight thus for sixpence. Why, if he'd
a shilling, he'd ha' killed us all 7
Eg-One evening, bitting in the village inn,
John Berry said he once drove horse
seventy-two miles in one day on the ice,
when the ice was so thin that the water
spurted up through the holes cut through
remarked that seventy-two miles was a
pretty good drive for one day. Eyes"
said Uncle John, "but it was long day
in June
GTs- Hood, in his Comic ARnual for 1880,
communicated the following from con-
tributor: "Sur, my wifi had tomb cat
that dyd. Being torture shell, and
CRATE faverit, we had him berried in the
guardian, and for the sake of inrichment Of
the sile. / had the carkis lade under the
roots of guzberry bush. The frute being
up till then of the smooth kind. But the
next seasons fiute after the cat was berried
the gusberris was all hairy, and more re-
markabul, the catpilers of the same bush
was all of the same hairy description"
rsS- The tide at one of the watering
4 places recedes so much that it leaves bare,
facing the hotel, strip of sandy beach
about mile in length, from the point of