American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1872-07-27
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

ALWAYS "HARD PREssED"-Bricks.
MERE CATCH-PENNY AFFAIRs-Hand
organs.
ONE of the rarest and most pleasing OF
flowers is the pink of politeness.
RHEUMATISM is sometimes a joint af
fair, and yet there is only one party to
it.
AN able-bodied citizen of Terre Haute,
Ind, forty years of age, has never been
inside church.
In setting up an account of a six-o cared
boat race, the compositor made it six
cared goat race.
his professiOn?-The gentleman who at
tends patients on monument"
In the recent trial of Du Bourg, in
Paris, for the murder of his wife, all
the bachelors on the jury were chal-
lenged.
A FOREIGN medical journal remarks
that the most warlike nation In modern
times is vaccination, because it is almost
always in arms.
In June last there were 6, 10000 sheep
in Scotland, A, 100000 of which were on
regular mountain sheep farms; the re-
mainder on arabic lands.
THE time to possess your soul in pa
thence is when your hat blows off in the
see which way it goes.
CID rather not take horn with you,"
said the loafer to the mad bull but the
bull insisted on treating him to two, and
the loafer got quite high.
! PAPA-I am sorry to hear, though, my
dear boy, you have failed again in obtain
| ing a prize this quarter. You must be
very wooden-headed. Dear Boy-Yes,
pa, I'm afraid Pm chip of the old block.
A DANBURY man feels so mortified over
the reflection that his children are not
suiteble clothes, that he spends every Sab
bath in the woods, accompanied by his
faithful dog, which wears five dollar
collar.
"Do you mean to say" said a traveller
to a Western Sheriff, "that man was
shot here yesterday because he was caught
in the act of carrying off rope ?"
eyes," quietly answered the Sheriff,
&C but there was horse at the end of the
rope"
CHEM1sT--Wen, here's the two
and the others for the COW. If you
haven't money enough to pay for both,
you had better take one. Wife-Well,
well, as you say so think I'd perhaps
better take the bottle for the cow.
THE father of a boy whose veracity is
not so marked as his back, asked the
teacher why his son didn't have better
acquaintance with figures, and was con-
siderably electrified when the teacher ten
derby observed, 81 really don't know,
without it's because figures won't lie"
THE idea of retaining the Colorado
desert by means of artesian wells, has
been preached. 1t is thought that large
subterranean stream runs under the des-
ert, and that all that is necessary is to
bore deep enough to strike it. Congress |
will be applied to for grant as recon-
pense for boring these wells.
THE assertion that lady puts the es-
sence, nay, the very purpose and import
of her letter in the postscript, has had
many an ingenious but invented lllustra-
ton. One of the best is that of a young |
lady in China to her friends at home, viz
"P. S-You will see by the signature that |
l am married"
WASHINGTON has handsome hermit of
some forty years, named John Burch,
who has not left his own house and yard
for twenty years, so intently has he de-
voted his time to the attempt to invent |
perpetual motion. The outer world is all
a blank to him. He does not know any
thing about politics or current news, the
telegraph or the railroad.
A WRITER in The Field states, as very
curious fact, that hen, after Matching
out two ducklings from eggs placed under
her for that purpose, and attempting in
vain to induce them to come out from the
water, to which they had Immediately be-
taken themselves, herself swan in after
them, and pushing them before her, ac-
tually forced them to the land.
In Japan the marriage ceremony is
very simple. A man and woman drink
from the same cup, and the thing is done.
Divorce is not a much more elaborate
affair. The husband who is dissatisfied
with his wife gives her piece of paper
on which a few characters are traced.
Being translated, they are about as fol-
lows II no likee you. 1 thinkee you
likee other man more better. give you
piece paper. You can go. Goodee-
bye"
MR.. CHARLES NoRDHoFF writes as
follows from Viaslia, Cal, to the New
York Tribune: "They showed me man,
down here, who refused, some years ago,
to let the telegraph wires pass over his
farm. He didn't want the whole coun-
try to know every time he whipped his
he said and when it was ex-
planned to him that the wires did not of
take cogniZance of passing
events, he replied well, anyhow, he'd
always hearn that it killed corn"
A BOY of Chicago wrote the following
appeal to the Mayor of that city "About
From boy That is Ter
ribly Disappointed. To the Mayor of
Chicago. Here, Sirius boys would like
to know why you want to Stop us from
firing Fire crackers. l should think you
could let us in a large lot. l think if you
was boy like us you would like to fire
off Fire-crackers. Us boys are terribly
so please put it in the pa
pers that we can fire off Fire-crackers.
we would be so happy if you would"
THE most faithful lover who has a
name and being outside of trashy novels,
lives in Danbury The parents of the
young lady are opposed to his compan-
ionship, but that don't make him proud.
the old gentleman reaches him
with his boot before he can get over the
fence, but the young man don't lay up i'll
feelings on account of that; he only
smiles at the despoiler of his pants when
he meets him, and calls it 'heaping Goals
of fire on his head" Saturday evening
he thought he would get up a surprise for
he old chap. He put paving stone in each
Of his coat tail pockets, and started for ,
he fence as usual The old man let out !
Tor him with increased enthusiasm, and
caught him-caught him good. Then he
aid down on the grass and said: II die
Dy the hand of assassin" But the !
young man passed on without a word, !
md smiles the most heavenly smile of ,
forgiveness ever seen on the street. .
A LONDON paper says: A curious scene !
vas witnessed early on Wednesday morn |
ng in Hyde Park. A man named Small, i
living in Chelsea, went to battle in the [
;erpentine, taking with him Il monkey, a
n hn IL in the habit of carryipu =,