The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1872-04-18
Lady Pillula-A Pen.and.Ink Sketch.

Lady Pillula was nearly eighty years
of age, with the whitening marks of
time deeply written on her features and
her mittened hands. Yet no small nerve
and vivacity remained in her frame.
She had nothing to do, so she took med
icine. With little of interest in those
who were about her to attract her at
tention, she fixed it on herself, and that
part of the body which became the sole
and specific object of her regard was her
intestines. 1t is affirmed by physicians
that one can by nervous concentration of
thought upon one spot in the body in
duce or aggravate local morbid action.
This was Lady Pillula's popularity. Her
passion was pills. Of these she was at
once an artist, a connoisseur and miser.
Vast collections of empty pill-boxes lum-
bered her room. She took pills before
she rose in the morning, before break
fast, at II o'clock, A. NJ, at l.. She took
Holloway as an appetizer for lunch, and
counteracted the i'll effects of that un-
timely meal with the celebrated anti
bilious pills of Cookie. Her dinner was
indugurated with three boluses of rhu-
barb and concluded with aloe. Her
nocturnal podophyllin was never prefer
mitted. She scanned the newspapers
every morning for one purpose the dis
covery of new pills. while her sister,
Lady W., sought the columns of fashion
able intelligence, and Lord w. perused
the stock lists, she was busy registering
the latest novelties in pillular invention
On the first occasion of her reading the
advertisement of the notorious Revalen-
ia Arabica, headed "No more Pills or
any other medicine" the announcement
proved too much for her, and she tainted.
She only recovered upon the exhibition
of whole box of Brandreths." One
form of pill she abhorred, namely, the
minute globules of Homeopathists.
These she condemned as utterly un-
worthy of a trial by any adult interior.
The most agreeable surprise you could
pass upon her was to present her with q
box oi new pills. She would take them
the same evening, and pronounce on
their qualities next day with the precis-
ion and gusto of a connoisseur. Indeed,
the mania affected her morality. She
became morbid in the pursuit of her
fancy; invading her sisters boudoir or
even Lord WIS dressing-room in the
hope of finding some stray box of her
condiments. If visitor happened to
carry such specifics with him or left
them in his room, Lady Pillula took
tithe of them. She had several times
been nearly poisoned. Once she swal-
lowed a number of buckshot which an
incautious sportsman had turned into
an empty pill-box on unloading his gun.
I In another instance some glass beads
met with similar accident.
One item of comfort to be extracted
from this strange but authentic case
should not pass unmarked. Notwith-
standing the vast numbers of portentous
patents, from the exhibition of which
innumerable consequences were pledged
to ensue, Lady Pillula's organs seem to
be contrived to resist them all. 1t was
only affected by blue pill in unusual
quantities, or prescriptions administered
by her physician the harmlessness OF
most patent pills was constant source
of vexation to her, though it amply tes.
titled to the simplicity of the materials
with which people are gammoned.
Lord w. used to amuse himself occa-
sionally at his sister-in-law's expense
He asked Savory or Corbyn for the lat
est inventions, and brought home boxes
of them. He himself slyly mixed some
rare and monstrous compositions, rang
ing from pitch to beeswax or bread, and
was entertained to find that the old lady
placed some of these high in her stand.
ard of excellence. When, however, ht
twitted her with her credulity, and with
the perils to which she was exposing
herself by her unreasoning addiction t.
such fraudulent devices, she replied upoI
him rather sharply,
Everybody takes pills of some sort,
she said. "Some swallow opinion
wholesale without knowing much o
what is in them. Some people take thei
priests prescription as if it were certain
to contain a specific for their souls
Others take their political ideas from po
litical quacks and gulp them with tn
most credulous simplicity. 1 have seel
you take for granted any pill the edito
of the Chimes makes up for you of
morning, and have known you to be tn
worse of it. Other people" sh
looked wickedly at her brother-in-law
who took turn at speculation now an,
then" swallow the lies of promoter
and stockholders and suffer a good dea
more than do for their temerity. AT
ter all, would rather be deluded any
where than in my brains.--By the AuthO
Of Ginr's Baby.