The interior journal., 1872-07-26


A Funny Chapter Abeut Babaes.
Ofall the created critters, said Miss
Priscilla Prymm, emPmtically, de'o
despise & babyi I used 10 reckon a
snake about the most hateful; but body
knows in general where to lbok for snakes.
and how to keep clear Of EN-, whereas
there is no getting out of the way OF q
baby. Go-whcp you will, in town or
country, on land or sea, you find the pes
tiferous little critters, and a. fbf stress
cars and steam boats. a bddy think they
we're made for their accommodation. IF
I was railroad president, Or . stsam4'
boat company, I'd have ''i&bies.' az
well q "ladies.' cars; and tho. wonder
to me Is that il hasn't been done before
this; 'twould pay sure.
The first thing baby does Is 10 hol-
Ter and 1t hollers till it's old enough ,tp
use its hands and feet as well as its voice,
and then the mischief ii does do Is be-
yond calkilation. Why, I've had my
ink bottle upset on my new list carpet,
and my best chiny ten set, with the yals
lor rosebuds on 'em, knockeS off the ta-
ble-leastways a plate and two cups;
and my Book of Beautiful Extracts-
(that was given me by Fortified Grubbs
before he took to to keepin company
with the bold mink Arathusy Wilson(
torn to atoms Almost. And all by q
baby; or leastwise by variety of 'em,
for they're alike as q basket Of peas.
And what's more aggravatin' of all Is
the foolish mothers excusin' "the little
darlin's" on the score Of -"cuttin their1
teeth or "beingso remarkably precious"
or something else equally interesting
I've always noticed that whatever bad
ness baby is guilty Of, it's always Get
down by its mother to either its teeth or
its smartness. A
I wonder what the worrying little var
mints are made for and why nature
couldn't sent folks into the world
ready grown up, or at least old enough
to be of some use.' Now, of what earthS
ly use is baby, should like to knowi
A little shapeless lump Of flesh and bloo1<.
with its bald head lolloping on one ridsv
and its google eyes staring strsight st'
nothing, and its fabby fists catching at
everything in its Xey, crying as-every-
rvrrrsv isrsseste 1.;-..ad ssssytyytii.e-'
foolish. And the nonsense that they
dew talk to their babiesi Why, tvs
only just now l heard Mrs. Simmons,
next door, chattering ON the back steep
to that little bald heady monkey of hers.
"Mudder's only darlin' itty piggy-wiggyI
Is he hoongry! Den. he sail hab one
tacker for eaty. One nicy-ticy itty Tack
er for mudder's itty precious plum-pie,
apple dumping sugar-tandy babyl"
Bah! it's is enough to make \ body
sick, and l, for one, don't wonder that
children are so long in learning to talk
plainly, with such outlandish gibberish
ding donged into their ears day and
night. To my mind its more barbarous
than French Injury.
And the ridiculous way in which some
folks dec dress their babies! All smoth.'
cred in satin, and feathers, and lhces,
and fdrs, for all the world like q miilis-
er's fgger head. Ideclare TO goodness
that sometimes feel sort of pity for
'em jest as when l see a organgrindsrs
monkey sewed up in a wooden sword by
his side, showing OF to grinning crowd
in the streets and which Of the two 10
most laiiable I'm sure its hard TO tell
"Innocents, indeed! Jest as u they
don't know the badness they're aboAs,
and don't mean 10 dew i'll Why, Eve
seen 'em kick, and stretch, and bite, and
scratch. and pull peoples hair like young
grizzlies; and to this day you can't con-
vince me that Mrs. Jones baby didn't
mean it when the little wretch grabbed
hold Of my new curls as l was pretsndin'
to kiss II afore Deacon Peabody (sks
week after poor. dear Mrs. Peabody do
parted this life. II was) and pulled the
hull of 'em off right afore his face, s'cs,l.
and all II it hadn't been for ddt-1