The Republican journal. [volume] (Belfast, Me.) 1829-current, 1872-08-15

had sense enough left to skin a rabbit.
But | was determined it shouldn't last
long, for I'd been fooled so often by wo'
men that | thought | wouldn't give hel
time to think of anything but me. She
appeared to take to me right sharply, and
the doctor seemed inclined to mix it with
me, but | didn't consider him no more
than a brush fence. tor | was so far gone
l thought she couldn't see nobody on
earth but me. Well, Squire, things went
on so tor about month, and one Sunday
| screwed NJ my spunk and put the ques-
ton to her. She sorter laughed, and she
Sorter looked one-sided. and, finally, told
me she could not give me al answer just
then, but if I'd call at her house next
Thursday evening she'd give me a final
answer then. Thinks |, you're mine, just
as sure as there's tiddlers below When
ever a woman takes time to study she'll
say yes. Squire, don't poets say some
thing about the calculations of men and
rats gOin' crOcked?'
mice and men, Burns says" | answer
We'll, mice and rats is all one, and so
is men and fools sometimes as | have
found out in my travels. | was so sure
she'd have me, | went oft and spent all
my money for fine clothes, thinking I'd
have them ready tor the wedding-and |
did Contound that widow, say Com
found all the widows, Thursday evening
came at l:st, though it was a long time
about it. and over went, dressed into
fits, and feeling rs BIG as Joseph Maynor
did when he was elected coroner. got
there about dark and found 4 right smart
crowd collected, which was not on the
bills but | felt as good rs the rest of 'em.
So marched in like blind mule into a
potato patch, and took a seat by the fire.
| didn't see anything of the widow, but
kept looking for her to come in or send
for me, and passed away the time by
eussin' the crowd to myself, thinking they
had no business there. and would not
get to talk to my woman bit. Presently
the door opened, and in walked Polly
with that dad-burned doctor, and a whole
team Of boys and girls fixed up Savagely,
tell you. | looked around for a fiddler
thinking they were going 10 have a ball,
but | wondered what they all kept so still
tor, and was about proposing a reel, when
up gets 4 little preacher, and before you
could swallow a live oyster, he had Polly
and the doctor tied faster than a Mexican
greaSer could tie bulls horns! | was
so completely tlummuxed that sat there
with my mouth opened like was going
to swallow the whole crowd. and my eyes
looked like billiard balls till the ceremony
was over, when | jumped up and heler-
ed
II forbid the concern from being insti-
tuted :"
10y on are little late my friend said
the preacher, and they I'll commenced
laughing like they had seen something
very funny.
I'm be burned squizzled if | don't be
soon enough for somebody, yet says !
for | was mad, Squire. and no mistake in
the ticket | do believe | could eat mp
that doctor quicker than n hungry dog
could have swallowed a squirrel skin, if
conld have fair chance at him. 1t was
too bad, after had fixed mp to marry her
myself. for her to walk right out before
my eyes and marry that great hahoon.'
at was bad. that is a fact said" said |.
"Bad :" cried he, sit was meaner than
eating fried coon. first thought I'd 90
straight home, but then | concluded that
wouldn't spite nobody, so | determined
to stay and see if couldn't get Satisfac-
ton out of somebody You know I'm
the devil to get myself OF somebody else
into scrape. when | take notion. and
I'd taken one that night that went all over
me like third day chill, so commenced
a studyin' out some plan. ! recollected
hearing the doctor say that where he came
from (but the Lord only knows where
that was) the bride and groom always
washed their faces together before they
went to bed, as a charm against infidelity
or some other long word. While | was
studyin' about that, | spied the doctors
saddle bags in corner, 50 | waited until
they went into supper, and then | got the
bags and looked to see what ! could dis
cover Nearly the first thing | saw was
a piece of lunar caustic. | slipped it into
my pocket. for had my plan as soon as
saw it. Well. | watched around till
saw one OF the girls 90 to the WATERFALL
with pitcher. and | went out and asked
her what she was going TO do with it.
She said she was going to carry it into
the room for the doctor and Polly to wash
their faces in. kept talking with her
while She was filling the pitcher and
when she turned her head away dropped
the caustic into it. 1t was then about bed
time. and | got my hat and put out. I
couldn't help laughing all the way home,
whenever I'd think about the next morn
ing.
Well, Squire, they do say that when
that couple walked up the next morning,
they both had the hardest kind of fits,
each one thinking they had been sleeping
with a negro. Oh, it was rich He a
,i,,f ,bo
screaming aud fainting, and coming to
and going-ofl again, and me not there to
see it. They made such an ungodly rack
etthat the folks broke into the room to see
what was the matter, and there they was
with their faces and hands all as black as
the inside of a forty-year old stove-pipe
I'd a given half my interest in t'other
world inst to have been in some safe place
where ] could have seen the whole row
AS soon as they found out that they was
really the same folks that was married
the night before, they called for warm
water and soap but ust here the doctor
happened to think about the pitcher, and
took ii to the door to see what was the
matter. There was a little piece of caus-
tic that was not dissolved and rs soon as
he saw it, he says:
It's no use washing. All the soap in
New York can't wash the black off,
That was the truth, Squire; soap and
rags would have no more effect than they
would on a natlve-horn African, and all
the chance was to wait and let it wear off,
How long it took them to get white again
| never found out; but one thing | do
know" he concluded, getting up to go
out, "the next time | saw the doctor |
had the hardest fight, and come the nigh
est getting whaled, that | ever did in all
my born days -
Thu nnoo, sc