The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1872-09-20
HUMOROUS.

doctors motto-Patients and longsuf
fering.
-Straining a point does not make i
clear.
Still Life"-The whisky manufactur
ing business.
What lady is used TO war? Millit
Tary.
What lady is lively and gay? Annie
Nation.
What lady is fond of giving? Jennie
, Rossity
What lady paints comic pictures
Carrie X. Ture.
The vegetable that is always head
in agricultural fairs? The cabb'ge
The latest thing in the way of specu
lation Is . "cor:icr' Tor Irritation.
An imaginary quantity lady's age
An impossible quantity-too much money
"A gentleman who was buying a watch
to replace one that had been stolen from
him, remarked that he was making up for
lost time"
An irritable man who was disappoint-
I'd in his boots threatened to eat up the
shoemaker, but compromised by drinking
cob5ler
Sake says that Vermont is famous for
four staples, Men, women, maple sugar
and horses. The first are strong, the last
are fleet, the second and third are exceed
ingly sweet, and all are uncommonly hard
TO beat"
=" Henrietta" said a Iandlady 10 her
new girl, when there's bad news, particu-
larly private Affections, always let the
boarders know it before dinner. 1t may
seem strange to you, Henrietta, cut such
things make great difference in the eat
ing in the course of a year"
q wish you wouldn't give me such
short weight for my money" said a custo-
mer to his grocer who replied remember
ing the customer unpaid grocery account
and wish you wouldn't give me such
long wait for mine.
Marriage, after making a will, renders
the will void, probably for the reason that
the testator is held to have been of I'M
sound mind or he would not have commit
teed the folly of getting married.
"A young man of fast turn, and look
ing like any thing but a doctor, complains
that all his tradesmen are determined to
give him the title of Dr., but they put the
DIR. after his name instead of before it.
"A Connecticut fisherman one day bait
ed his hook with live frog. After patient
ly waiting some time for bite, as he chat
ted with friend, he found that his lively
bait had swan ashore, and was quietly sit
ting on rock by his side. He wound up
his line and went home.
An Illinois editor thus speaks sarcas-
tically of the marriage of professional
brother in Indiana: He stepped upon the
hymeneal platform, adjusted the fatal
moose, and was swung of into that unsilent
bourne whence he can never return save
by the indianapolis or connecting lines "
Fanny Fern says that when she sees a
pretty man with an apple head and rasp-
berry nustache with six hairs in it, paint
ON his cheeks and a little jot of goatee
on his chin, with pretty little blinking studs
on his shirt BOSOM and a little neck-tie
that looks as if it were rumpled, she al
ways feels desire to nip him with pair
of sugar tongs, dlop him gently into pot
of cream and strew pink rose leaves over
the little remains.
A gentleman using his hest endeavors
to escape treading on the long walking
train Of lady, did not succeed, when the
lady turned upon him fercely and gave
him some of the long after marriage style
of language. Broken-hearted the gay
bachelor responded, Madam, / again
humbly beg your pardon; thought you
had passed some time ago.