St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1872-05-17
Humorous.

ne ilrst afk-tlck eXplorerS-NoahS =
hed-hugS
1t is said that all South Carolina peo-
pie who have pains. 60 to Aiken.
y sarcastic lady SAYS the only thing
which keeps Lent is her best silk UNI
hrclla.
Remember that troubles are like ba-
hies; they only grow bigger for being
nurSed.
Never leave off flannel because it
looks like Spring. Flannel never looks
like Spring.
The debt of nature should never he
paid. if it can't he collected without an
''eXecution.'
y city missionary attributed his pov
erty to the fact that he had preached
SO much without notes.
Thomas. you should have a place for
every thing" said Aunt Mary. Il have,
ma am.- "a great many places for every
thing" replied the careless Tom.
Song of the New England members
of the Cincinnati convention =
In Adams fall
We fzzled all.
a little boy. upon being asked by his
Sunday school teacher what good thing,
what great pleasure he was willing to
sacrifice during the Lenten season, said
he thought he would give up going to
sunday school.
Noses are worn rather shorter than
formerly, with an inclination to turn
up. Ears are now worn on both sides
of the head-One on each side-and
those of pink color are preferred. Hair
is again fashionable.
After calling it Shears, Shirts. Shorts
and SherS. the Liberals" have found
ont that the Missouri Senator's name is
pronounced ShOOrts. Before hurrahing
for man it is well to find out how his
nalne Is pronounced.
Eli Perkins, writing from the inside
of that crowd SAYS: Grant has only
three principles in view-to have peace,
cuntcntment. and pay the National
debt. while we have eight principles
five lOaves. two fishes, and a place in
the Custom House"
The Chicago Post informs Mr.. Gree
ley that the eyes of every merino sheep
III America are on him, and that every
pig of iron III our factories calls to him
i'll a metallic squeak to stand firm to his
principles, and do justice though the
tariff fall.
what are you digging there for ?"
asked Il loiterer of three men who were
digging a trench i'll the street. ''Mon-
ey, zur." the answer came. The man
watched the operation until the joke
got through the roots of his hair, and
and then moved on.
Said IA friend to merchant who was
trying To collect some outstanding bills:
You have good deal of money com
ing to you. haven't YOU ?" Yes" re-
piled the merchant, land | can't help
why have to run so often
after what is coming to me"
Since ladies have taken to wearing
newspapers for bustles, publishers com
plain that their fair subscribers are
more in "arrcar>" than ever.
\ fisherman recently took his child
to the minister to he haptiSed, who ask
ed him. Are You prepared for so sol
emn and important an occasion Pre-
pared =" he echoed. with some indigna-
ton Il hae "a tirlot of bannOcks bakin',
two hams, an IL gallon o the best High
Land whiSkey. an | wad like to ken
what better preparation We expeck fra
il man in my condition o life ~
This is the way they called out the
figure of ii reel in Arkansas: dance
to the gal with the yellow shawl; now
down outside and up the middle turner
to Your partner, Isaac Smach, and now
to that entire stranger; sacheZ To the
right and left: III de tan. da du de; now
to Peter Schwitrlmll's daughter; turn
to vour partner. every one; set to the
girl with the tlaring fril; balance one
and spin about to the girl with the hole
in the heel of her stocking.
\ beautiful Young lady who had al
lowed the tcndrils of her heart to twine
fondly around ii strapping great con-
luctor on Il horse car. had her atfec
tionate nature crushed by the discovery
That he was taking fare from her, and
lead heading another girl who lived on
the same street. She did not eat pick
les and pine away, but wrote him ali
affecting epistle which read: "YOu
want to nok down enutf stamps to get
me paisler shawl & dOlley vardin
before sunday or will put an awning
over that girls eye the next time meet
Ter in society. You heer me.
A man was choked to death in New
ork the other day while trying To
wallow a piece of bologna sausage.
so they say, but the probability Is That
le was choked by some foreign suo-