Weekly Trinity journal., 1872-06-15
NUMBER "a.

man could read it. And so when he sent
his first annual message to Congress
the document was devoted wholly to the
tariff and agriculture-a sentence appear
ed which was subsequently ascertained to
be, Large cultivation OF rutabagas and
beans is the only hope of the American
nation, l am sure" The printers, not
being able To interpret this, put it in the
following form, in which it went to the
world: The Car OF Ru sa couldn't
keep clean ii he washed with the whole
Atlantic ocean once day I" This per-
version Of the message was Immediately
telegraphed To Russia by the Russian
Minister, and the Car was so indignant
that he immediately declared war.
just at this time President Greeley un-
dertook to write some letters to Prince
Bismarck upon the subject Of potato rot,
and after giving his singular views at
great length, he concluded with the state
ment that il the Emperor William said
that sub-soil ploughing was not good in
IN light soil, or that guano was better
than bone dust, he was "a liar. villain
and u slave ~ OF course the Emperor
also Immediately declared war, and be-
/ came an ally OF Russia and England,
against which latter country Mr.. Greeley
had actually begun hostilties already,
because the Queen, in her speech ilom
the throne, had declared the IrT6une's
advocacy of tariff on pig iron incendiary,
and calculated to disturb the peace OF
/ nations.
Unhappily, this was not the full measure
o! our disasters. The President had sent
To the Emperor Of Austria copy Of his
book "What l Know" etc., with his
autograph upon hy-leat The Empe-
Tor mi,took the signature for caricature
OF the Austrian eagle, and he readily
Joined IN war against the United States,
white France was provoked to the same
act by the fact that when the French
Minister came to call upon Mr.. Greeley
To present his credentials, the President,
who was writing an editorial at the time,
not comprehendng the French language,
mi>took the Ambassador Tor beggar,
and without looking up handed him
! quarter and an order for clean shirt,
aud said To him: "Go West, young
mango West"
SO all these nations joined in making
war upon the United States. They
swooped down upon our coasts and land
without opposition, for those exposed por-
tions of our country were absolutely de-
serted. The President was afraid to call
away the army from KANSAS ut first, for
fear the outraged people on the plains
would come east in spite Of him. But at
last he did summon the army to his aid,
and il moved to meet the enemy. 1t was
too late. Before the troops reached Gin
cinnati the 70, eigners had seized Wash
| lngton and all the country eust OF the
Ohio, and had hung the President, the
Cabinet, and every member of Congress.
The army disbnnded in alarm, and the
invaders moved to the far West, where
they found the population dying of star
vaton because they had followed tho ad-
vice OF Greeley's book, to Try, for your
first crop, to raise lines and don't plant
more than bushel oil quicklme in
hill" Ot course these wretched people
were at the mercy OF the enemy, who, to
his credit be said, treated them kindly,
led them and brought them back to their
old homes.
You know what followed how Prince
Frederick William Of Prussia ascended
the American throne and the other hui
miliations that ensued. 1t WIS a fearful
bow TO r publicanism-a blow from
which it will never recover. 1t made us,
who We're free men, n nation of slaves.
1t was all the result Of our blind conf
dence in misguided old man, who
thought himself philosopher, but who
was actually fool. May heaven pre-
serve you, my dear children, from tho re-
morse | feel when | remember that l
voted for that bucOlic old editor.