The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1872-10-11
HIGGINS AND THE WIDOW.

HIGGINS AND THE WIDOW.
One day Sandy Higgins came into my
Office and sat down without word for
some minutes he sat still, watching
me intently, as if trying to make out
by the sound Of the pen what | was
writing.
esquire" he said at length, "did l
ever tell you about my scrape with the
widow Horny up here on the river?'
Never did said |, laying down my
pen; "let's have it,"
They're curious creatures, widows
is, said ne in a meditatiye tone, land
the more you study about 'em the more
you don't know anything about EN-.
What was this thing I've read about in
Egypt, or some other country, that no.
body could unriddle?"
"The Sphinx, probably" | replied.
Well continued he, that was
widow as sure as YOU ever had granny.
Everything else in the earth has been
found out but them, and they're as
much mystery to-day as the length Of
the North Pole. You may read the
history OF the world from Genesis to
Revelations, and you'll find that widows
has been the bottom or top of five
quarters of all the devilment that has
been cut up. Was YOU ever in love with
one?"
" Lots Of them said l.
"You'ie great gander-that's what
you are" said he. :" A man that loves
one and gets oyer it won't never get bit
by another, if he's got as much sense as
n ground hog. | don't consider that
I've got any sense at all, but m a little
too smart to let another Of them get all
the trumps on me. The widow Horny,
that | was speaking of, IS little the
handsomest woman, | reckon, that ever
looked a man into fits, and l ought to
be q judge, for I've seen lots Of pretty
women in my day. She was about
twenty-five Years oil when I went up
there 10 work, just in the bloom of her
beauty, and as full OF deviItry as three
year old mule colt. There was a ball
over at Jenkins, and OF course | went,
for | always 20 where there's any fun
going on, and generally act The fool be-
fore get away. Og course the widow
was there, dressed as fine Is Solomon's
liies, and flying around as frisky as q
young lamb N q rye p&tch. | got in.
troduced to her and asked her TO dance
with me, and when she flashed her ewes
at rae and said yes l jumped up like
l aad set down on Aot guddle. You
may talk about sensation, but when she
took hold Of my hand and | sorter
squeezed ii, | felt q sensation 9s big as a
load of wood, and it Kept running up
and down my back ike a squirrel with
lf~
dancing, but I'll be hanged T. | know
whether | enjoyed it tina. night or not.
FOR every time she took hold of my hand
I'd commence feeling curious behind
my ears and up and down my back
again, and then | wouldn't know
whether | was on earth, or in balloon.
or on comet, anything about it. Ii
was undoubtedly case of love at first
sight, and powerful bad case at that.
For wonder, got through the frolic
without making conspicuous or cutting
up any extras, as ! am IL the habit OF
doing when | 90 into public. I'd set
my pegs TO 20 home with the widow
after the bail, but just as | Was fxin nv
mouth TO ask her, up steps q big, long,
leather.face ed doctor named Mahry, and
walked her oil before my eyes. That
riled me some, but | kept my tongue
still, inwardly swearing 10 break his
bones the very first opportunity that
presented itself. | saw there was no
use in saying anything, so | went home
and went to bed, and all the rest of the
night / was dreaming about rainbows,
angels, butterflies, fddles, widows and
doctors, mixed up worse than Dutch
mans dinner.
Well, Squire, to make q short story
Of it, made up my mind to have the
widow, or kill myself or somebody else.
$50 | made it convenient 10 be on
hand where she was, upon all occasions.
I couldn't eat nor sleep nor work, and
If the thing had held on, wouldn't
have had sense enough left to skin q
rabbit. But was determined itshouldn't
last long, for I'd been fooled 50 often by
women that / thought | wouldn't give
her time TO think OF anything but me.
She appeared 10 take 10 me right sharp
lv, and the doctor seemed to mix IN
with me- but | didn't consider him no
more than a brush fence, for l was SO
far gone / thought she could see no
body on earth but me. Well, squire,
things went on so for about month,
and one Sunday screwed up my spunk
and put the question TO her. She sorte1
laughed and sorter looked one sided
and finally told me she couldn't give
me an answer Just then, but If I'd call
az her house next Thursday evening
she'd give me final answer. Ihlnks