Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-05-24
HunnOr.

Cruelty to misunderstanding them.
An universal want-Want Of money.
A youthful warrior-A babe in arms.
Unseen happiness-A kiss in the dark.
The best time to cut corn-when it aches.
Cash advances Attentions to a rich
widow.
A teetotaller's faith-"Consumption is
durable.
A pleasant kind of NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
ing widows weeds.
Why is sewing machine like the letter
S? Because it makes needles needless.
Some girls are like old muskets they
use good deal Of powder, but won't go off.
The kind of clothes that don't fit New
Workers very we'll at present-Suits of
Tweed
There are people who never give their
hearts +: they lend them, and always at high
interest
Why are young couples like finger nails?
Because they are always on hand to be
paOred.
He who is able to keep out of love, law
and bad weather, ought to consider himself
fortunate.
''Assaults with intent to become insane,
is the way they put it now in announcing
homicidal attacks.
''Loss of China packet-ship p exclaimed
al old lady. '.No wonder, when iron ones
aren't always safe !"
Why is the elephant the most sagacious
of travellers? Because he never takes his
eye from off his trunk.
Why are bakers like genteel Migrants
Because they are the best bre(a)d spongers
and loafers in existence.
An Irish school.master advertises that BIZ
evil keep Sunday school twice week
Tuesday and Saturdays
A youngster Of literary tastes lately de
scribed Darwin as the one who believed 'we
degenerated from monkey"
A girl with an income of thousand a
year or more is always an object of interest
because she has SO much principal.
Good young Iady-''Little boy, have you
ever been baptized p Small heathen-"Oh
yes. mum; I've the marks here on my
arm J" 7
''Those who buy tombstones of us look
with pride and satisfaction on the graves O
their friends" is the advertisement of
western stone cutter.
A colored gentleman, during the recent
cold weather, was asked if be thought it wa
below zero. below zero, child Zero done
froze up long ago, an there's no use talkin'
any mo- bout t."
A pretty rich young widow was regard |
ing herself lately at mirror in Der cham
Der, while for the first time trying on the |
widows cap. Behold" she exclaimed,
''the real cap of liberty"
A man who pretended to have seen
ghost was asked what the ghost said to him
s'How could understand replied the mar.
rator, "what he said ? [ am not skilled in |
any of the dead languages
''How do you do, sare 2" said French |
man to an English acquaintance Rather
poor, thank you," answered the other
'sNay, my dear sir" said the Frenchman,
''don't thank me for your Illness I can't |
help it,
An old lady walking with her two grown
daughters on moonlight night displayed |
her knowledge Of astronomy by pointing
heavenward exclaiming. 'Oh! my dears,
do look at them beautiful stars, Juniper and |
March !"
''Here's your in waders," shouted a mem.
Der of the 18th Mississippi regiment as Gen.
Lees veteran army plunged into the Poto.
mac on its way to Gettysburg. ''And here's
your wetter'uns" echoed gallant soldier
of the old 4th Alabama.
A correspondent Of a Baltimore paper
wants to know why marriage and death no.
tees should be paid for? For the best Of
reasons: one is an advertisement of co.part.
nerahip and the other is notice of dissolu-
ton. Business is business
An exchange says: ga Milwaukee lover.
dying lately, left his sweetheart, a poor
maiden, fortune of $40. 900. There are
few such lovers to be found" True and
the girls ccmulain that when they are found
it is very difficult to get them to die.
t'Susie," said teacher to one of her nh.
pills, ''you Shouldn't make faces. You'll
grow up homely if you make faces. :" Su-
sic looked thoughtfully in the teachers face
a moment, and then innocently asked, ssdid
you make faces when you was little GIRL? ?"
An Assistant United States Marshal in
Louisville, in taking the census. asked
oolored woman what personal property she
possessed. to- which she replied. ''Notbn,
but desc tree chilen, yere, an dey amt I
wuth much since the Emancipation prockler-
nation y
A shrewd little fellow, was entrusted to the
care of his uncle, who fed the bow yerv
poorly. One day he happened to see a
gray hound, wbereupou be asked the little
fellow if he knew what made the dog so
poor. TIE reply was 81 expect he lives
with his Uncle.''
''What is your hurry, Jimmie % said
kind lady to precocious urchin whom dad
called, On his way to school the other day.
"Oh, [ must 60" "Where are you going
Jimmie?" With heavy sigh and pointing
towards the school-house, Unto the house Of
correction ma am! !"
Rather corpulent old lady-"I would like
to get ticket for the train.' Booking
clerk (who thinks be will make joke)-
"Yes'm will you 60 in the passenger train
or in the cattle train 2" Lady-"Well, if
&c / :