Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1872-10-03
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.


strike.
How MUCH cloth is required to make a
spirit it-oordpper!
A VERY narrow aperture-The ''crack"
of whip.
NEVER write secrets with a quill pen
it might split.
| CULINARY MEM-How to serve d din
ner properly; eat it.
If an egg could speak what preserve
would it name? 1t would say, Ppm NAM
ma-laidr'
II DON'T remember ever having seen
you before" as the lawyer said to his
conscience.
WHY is the alphabet like cutting the
| first teeth? Because it is taught yer tor
ture) when young.
| WHAT is the difference betweena waltz
and young widow? One is q giddy
whirl, and the other widdy-girl.
The Marquis of Butte is the principle
owner of the new line of steamers from
Cardiff to New York. Will his sailors be
Butte Jacks?
Young ladies who lace themselves too
tightly when dressing for dinner evident
ly prefer grace before meat.
'LoR. A-MAssY," exclaimed the old lady
] in the witness-box, "how should l know
anything about thing l dunno anything
about?"
Two OLD and fat citizens of Richmond,
Va, recently got into a fight, but their
corpulency prevented either from reach
ing the other.
THE Pittsburgh Dispatch SAYS: "The
Ohio River at New Orleans is lower than
| for several years" How is the Missis-
sippi at Pittsburgh?
WHEN watchful wives in Louisville
see their husbands feet coming round
the corner, they light the fire and prepare
tea, for they know that the good men
will soon be home.
| ONE of the amusements at a Chicago
picnic was to place silver dollar in a
dish containing about an inch of molasses,
and let squad of boys compete in trying
to take out the piece with their teeth.
A NEIGHBoR fairly posed us the other
night by asking us the simple question,
"When is a fish crazy?" and assured us it
was only when the aforesaid fish was in
seine.
THE students of Brown University
are said to be going wild on the subject
of singing societies. 1t is natural that
youths who are Brown-bred should join
the roll of those who practice their ''do."
ENGINEER CoNNERs, of Rutland, Vt,
recently saved tine life of little child at
the risk of his own. The father Ia poor
man, worth only $75,0OO generously offer
ed to treat him 10 glass of soda.
THE chief singer in Danbury choir is
making a reputation for himself more en-
during than stencil plate. He can turn
back handspring with his voice over
thirteen of the highest notes without
dropping his hat.
"WIFE, do you know that 1 have got
the pneumonia ?" "New monia, indeed
Such extravaganza You're the spend
thriftiest man l ever did see, to go and
| lay out money for such trash, when l
need a new bonnet so much"
WHEN a middle, aged coquette settled
down in wedlock with Mr.. Wake, Miss
Austen wrote: -
marie, good -humored and handsome and tall,
For husband was at her last stake,
And having in vain danced at many ball,
Is now happy to jump at a Wake"
JUST HALF.-A gentleman named Dun
| lop remarked that he had never heard his
name punned upon, and did not believe
it could be done. "There is nothing in
the world more easy, sir" remarked
punster. "Just lop off half the name and
it is Dun"
TINS, we are told, happened in Canada:
''During a whirlwind at Bolton, on the
Missisquoi River, small boy fell upon the
ground and clung by his hands to the
roots of sapling, while the wind lifted
his feet and legs into the air, and snapped
him to and fro like whip"
AN old carpenter who had been en-
ployed at Job work by an old lady, was
asked why people of his trade always
charged more in proportion for coffins
than they did for chairs and tables.
"Well, you see, ma'am, it's just because
people won't bring collins back to us to
be repaired"
THE heat in Switzerland is reported to
have been intense during the past season.
Cattle have gone to their stalls at day
break for shelter and the danger from
avalanches has been so intensified that,
warned by instinct, the cnamois of the
mountains left their precarious haunts,
and mingled with domestic herds in the
valleys.
A GENTLEMAN did not always agree
with his wife; nor she with him. On one
occasion she summoned a physician, de-
claring that her husband had poisoned
her. The husband loudly protested his
innocence and offered as cllncher this
test: "Doctor, open her, right here on the
spot. Pm willing"
gized the other evening while making a
call for the muddiness of his boots, say
ing he had not taken carriage, but had
''walked up with commendable economy"
He was grieved when the lovely being
whom he adores inquired why he didn't
task Mr.. Economy in"
A YOU'VE man in Danbury, Conn, has
Just made the discovery that he has mar
ried left handed woman. Ali his but
tons are sewed on the wrong side. He
manages to get along as far as the rest OF
the garments are concerned; but when he
dons clean shirt he has to lay down on
his back and lash his right hand to the
bed post He is afraid he will have to
use shoestrings.
A TITUsvILLE, Pa, wife placed toy
snake in her husbands boot the other
morning, and then could hardly get
breakfast because of her snickering at his
performances when he discovered it. He
first looked in the mirror, then went and
threw his demijohn of old rye into the
: mill race. He drank thirteen cups of
: coffee at breakfast, and for several even
ings afterward astonished his children by
going to bed at nine o'clock each night.
THE credit system has been carried to
a very fine point in some of the rural dis
tricts, if we may judge from the following
, dialogue, said to have recently occurred
between a customer and the proprietor:
"Haow's trade, Square?" ''Wa'al, cash
trades kinder dull now, Major. Betsey
Nipper has bort an eggs worth of tea,
and got trusted for it till her speckled
pullet lays"
THE Dahlogena Signal perpetrates the
following: "a fashionable belle was
. promenadiHg the streets of Dahlonega,
. when she attracted the attentionof an old
colored gentleman who was at work " hen
she passed by him. The old darkey stop
f ped his work, and gazed intently at her,
: until she turned the corner, when more
| in pity than in admiration he soliloquized
: thusly: "Wonder what is dat she got on
Y her back? Ispeck she's guine to de springs
E for to git cured. It's pity for her she's
5 dat way. She's purity gall"
, ! SAW a strange sight in the Indian