Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1872-06-27
Varieties.

PIEcE-MAKERs Steam, gunpowder,
and nitro -glycerine.
How Toovercome your sorrows Strike
one of your own signs.
IF saw is the past participle of see, is
saw-horse the past participle of sea-
horse?
A THIEF running away is scamp, but
the policeman's chase after him is a
scamper.
WELL informed parties in California
estimate that the surplus wheat crop
for expectation this year will reach
100000 tons.
A MAN who has travelled through New
Jersey says he saw some land there go
poor that you couldn't raise a disturb
ance on it.
A POCKET bootjack has been invented.
You put your foot into your pocket,
give spring into the air, and off comes
your boot.
A SHERIFF who was taking two con-
victs to the State Prison last week, when
the train stopped at Sing Sing, called
out: "Step out, gentlemen fifteen
years for refreshments"
A BOX containing black bear was re-
ceived at an express Office in San Fran
cisco the other day outside was thi in
scription: :" Black bare-Ef yew don't
want to get bit, kepe your fingers out
of the crax."
A LADY teacher inquired of the MEM
bers of class of juveniles if any of them
could name the four seasons. Instantly
the chubby hand of five-year-old was
raised, and promptly came the answer,
4" Pepper, salt, vinegar, and mustard"
The editor of the Harvard Advocate
received the following as specimen OF
Homerian verse
IAN elephant in a swallows most.
And WsteSins ss delicate csa hen that sung
A NEGRO girl managed to escape re-
Gently from the Bedford, Tenn, Jail by
soaping herself and creeping through
the bars, leaving her clothes behind.
To the bar she might have attached
warning that Dante's line,
who enters here leaves soap behind"
didn't apply in this case.
A SLUGGISH housemaid exclaimed,
when scolded for the untidiness of her
chambers, I'm sure the rooms would
be clean enough if it were not for the
nasty sun, which is always showing the
dirty corners r'
WHEN wretch is suspected of in
ebrity in Portland, they haul him up to
the town pump, and make him try to
say, The Portland Society for the Pre-
vention of Cruelty to Animals" 1t he
fails, they irrigate him for half an hour
and then turn him into the calaboose.
"WHAT makes you so glum, Tom 2''
" Because I've just had to endure sad
trial to my feelings" "What on earth
was it7'' Why, had to tie on
pretty girls bonnet while her mother
was looking on" 4Fas os
TRAVELLERS say that next to Brigham
Young the Utah BARRIERS are the greatest
fraud in the Territory. They charge
fifty cents for rasping the the beard off
your face, and they leave it feeling as
if you were the victim of a powder ex-
plosion.
PRoF. GoLTz, of Konigsberg, in his ex-
periments upon the nervous center OF
frogs,find that if you take out the brain,
and then rub wet finger down the
frogs back, the creature will croak as if
pleased. Frogs must be easily pleased.
AN Illinois paper makes this horrible
threat 1t is fun to sprinkle the side
walk, but there is a young man on the
south side of the square who will stand
when he eats, hereafter, unless he gives
UP the funny habit he has con-
tracted of turning the hose on passers,
while he is washing down the walk.
The magnitude of the boot and shoe
trade of this city will be impressed on
his mind forever one of these days.
AN Irish girl in Bradford, N. H., last
week, complained of a headache, and
was exused from further duties that
day. During the evening her employer
visited the cellar, and hearing a faint
cry from the ash-barrel, looked in and
was Mortified to behold pair of infan-
tile heels belonging to an exceedingly
lively baby squirming among the ashes,
from which it was taken and is now
doing well. The servant girl appeared
the most surprised of anybody, and, like
"Topsy," "specs it grew"