Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-02-02
HumOr.

The best bread source-work.
Impressions of Greece-candle-droppings
on the carpet.
"A day of reckoning-the public school
examination.
MocK-TURrLE--Kissing before company
and fighting afterwards.
A doctors motto is supposed to be "Pa-
tients and long suffering"
Ii is queer that at party the guests al
ways grow thin after supper.
Can you make blind man liable for his
bill if it is payable on sight ?
A card-player must be dishonest one
when he has turned q knave
A Detroit lady visited menagerie and
asked to be shown the cundurango.
A Kentucky girl "dont low no TELLER.
round her that hain't rid on the keers."
Ministers in Indiana have reduced the
wedding fee to dollar and half, to steady
customers
When does the rain become too familiar
with lady? When it begins to patter OF
her back
A young lady being asked by an enthu-
slastic politician what party she was in fa-
gor of, replied that she preferred wedding
party.
That following notice might have been
seen some time ago in corset-makers
shop-window in Glasgow "Al sorts of
ladies stays here.'
A couple of drunken vagabons got into
the gutter, and after foundering some time,
one of them mumbled, 81 say, let's 60 to
another house this hotel leaks"
Nov, then, Children" said a school.
mistress, showing her pupils off on exami-
nation day, "who loves all men %
"You, missus," was the unexpected an
swer.
A widower being asked his opinion of
second marriages, said that as good wife
was 4 gift from the Lord, it was wise and
right to replenish as often as the supply
gave out
The last subject discussed by debating
society was, ''If you had to have boil,
where would you prefer to have it ?" The
unanimous decision of the members was,
son some other fellow"
''Jerusha, I don't see how they send let
tiers on them ERE telegraph wires without
tearing 'em all to finders ''Why, Jake.
you goose, they don't send tho per. but
just the writin' in fluid state
"GENTLEMEN, I have won this cup BY
the use Of my legs; I trust may never
lose the use Of my legs by the use of this
cup" were the words of successful COM
petitor for the prize of foot-racc
A young lady was recently sent by ex-
press from California to Maryland The mes
senger who had her in charge was SO pleased
with his freight, that he offered to carry it
back and forth all the time at his own ex.
pense.
$50 you are goin to keep q school," said
young lady to her maiden aunt well,
FOX my part, sooner than 60 that I would |
marry wldower with nine children Il
would prefer that myself" was the quiet re-
ply "but where is the widower %
Here are some exhilirating lines from
seasonable poet :-''December's come and
now the breezes Howl among the lifelesy
trceses Now the boy with ragged trowrers
Shiy'riDg homeward drives the cowses 81
His boots are old and torn his clothes is,
And bless my soul how blue his nose is
The late Rev. Chousey Hall Townsend,
having been robbed by thieves brca king
into his vicarage, wrote the following cpl
gam upon his loss /:
They prigged my gold repeater, they prigsed
my silver store
But they couldn't prig my sermons, for they
were prigged before.
QUESTIONS IN ARITHMETIC If twenty
grains will make scruple, how many viii
make doubt
Ii seven days will make one week, how
many will make one strong?
If three miles make league, how many
will make confederacy?
1t four quarters make yard, how many
will make garden
One day, at Lake George, party Of
gentlemen strolling among the beautiful is
lands on the lake fishing with bad luck
espied little fellow with red shirt and
straw hat, dangling line over the side of
boat.
"Halloo, boy. said one Of them, what are
you doing?'
Fishing" came the answer.
''Well, Of course" said the gentleman,
''but what do you catch ?"