The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1872-06-20
A Short Chapter on Snoring.
BY ABE RICK.

BY ABE RICK.
I slept with bachelor friend Nv mine last
nite-1 mean, mi friend slept with mel didn't
sleep.
He was p'ticklar friend in everything
except snorin'.
In this nocturnal Accomplishment he isn't
at all p'ticklar. He would az soon snore a
breakdown az selektion from the opera.
I was entirely ignorant Nv hiz surprizin'
skill on the nose when offered him the hospi-
talities NV mi bed, but knose all about it now.
He kane tu mi bed jist az the red rooster
that sleeps in the apple tree krowed one o'clock
A. M.
1 happened tu be awake alters am when
I ort tu be asleep. I waz thinkin' about Dan
vel in the lions den, and wonderin' wi Dan
didn't travel with menaggerie.
Mi friend locked the door and asked if was
awake. I answered yes, tn the best of my
ability. He then shook me, az tho he sus-
peckted sum deception. Next | heard him
skrapin' matches on the wall, and swearin' in
whispers. When the lamp waz lit, the wall
appeared ornamented in imitation Nv little
brush heaps.
He kicked his klothes under the bed, thru
both boots at stragglin' muskeeter, blew out
the lite and jumped intu bed.
Then he shook me again. an commenced
tellin' me where he'd been, who he'd seen, and
what he'd done thru the evenin'.
He sandwiched hiz entertainin' konversa-
shun with wouldn't yu? and didn't yu? and
yu bet? and how il that for high ?"
tried tu keep on thinkin' about Danyel,
but he wouldn't let me- and Kept answerin'
eyes and no" till thought would never be
able tn So anything else for the rest Nv mi
daze. Finally I took desperit rezolve, and
rollin' over toards the wall stopt answerin'.
Thinkin' / waz asleep he kommenced drum
min on the head board with hiz1ingers. Then
he remarked to himself that it waz thunderin
hot mite for September! and drawin hiz knees
up to hiz chin, Strengthened himself out, dash
ed both feet thru the footboard and carried
away all the klothes.
Then he waz still for ten minutes and the
old red rooster krowed two o'clock.
Next 1 thort heard frogs at a distance. The
noise increased bi gentle degrees till imagined
sumbody waz serenadin' me bi drawin' heavy
plank over a board fence. Then it thundered (;
I rose up and rubbed mi ize. The moon
slung its rays outu the bed, and I perceived
mi friend doubled up like the letter S, with
hiz head fast under hiz arm and snorin'
Sich snorin az he snored l had never before
had an opportunity.uv witnessin'.
/ ekstrikated hiz head and rolled him over
on hiz side. He blu blast thru his nostrils
like the charge from kavalry bugle, and set
tied down intu film little saws.
He kept enlarging the saws and the noize
with 'em till the muskeeters stopped their
hummin and the glass begun tu shiver in the
windoz I shook him, kalled him bi name,
punched him with mi thumbs, and tried tu
kick him on hiz sore leg wich knew he had,
but he stuck it strait out Nv bed beyond mi
reach. He kept on regardless NV everything,
directin' all hiz energies, koncentratin' all hiz
sleepin' thoughts upon the one grand object
snorin'.
1 CRU fdgetyl nervous fearfully excited !
In ten minutes shood be ravin' lunatick.
1 sprang out on the floor and rushed for the
matchbox jist az he discharged volley like
the outburstin Nv Vesoovius. The lite waz
struck, and what a sitel The plasterin' was
droppin off in little scales, mounted bi dead
muskeeter killed bi koncussion. The door
ratified in its frame, the window glass clicked
az the cracks spread akross them, the bedstead
trembled and the fowls out Nv doors had bin
woke up and were cacklin az tho surrounded
bi an army NV weazes.
Twenty exscrutiatin' minutes l spent in
frantik efforts tu wake mi friend-nOt that he
slept the sleep that knows no wakin'-he was
SIMPLY SnOrln Cne SucTc IltG huONS uo supp
PIN. I dressed, went down stairs three steps
at time, burst out of doors and hollered fire.
Then rushed madly ava from the house, over
the bridge, up the hill bcyond-,anywsher,e. tu
eskape that agonizin' snorc that bclchin' !,
snoriin, chokin', car-splttin', nerve-destroyin'
nose musick. sat down on a stump.
The bucheous orb NV mite waz hi in the
heaven, for the man in the moon had doubtless
heard that sporin' and got az far off az posi-
ble. The farmers dogs were barkin' far and
near, and 1 heard the fowls at home flynn
ava from their roosts and lishtin' ontu the
barn.
agn Sth thort eaS sum " more I ABOUT Danyc and
home at sunrzc. Mi friend waz up, washin'
He said he had spent refreshin' mite, and
thort that az he waz idle just now, he would
sta with me da or two longer. Eve got sum
Dizziness in town which will take me at least
forty eight hours tu transact, and l think L
will start rite after breakfast.
An importunote creditor of Selma IA