The New York herald., 1872-06-26
PHIL FARLEY'S CONVENTION.
The Frightful Political Row Raised
at Long Branch.
A Full and Complete Report of
the Proceedings.
What Was Done, What Was Left UndOne and
How the Thing Was Managed.
President Farley's Valedictory
Harangue.

Harangue.
Lone BRANCH, June 25 1872.
In the multitude OF counselors there is wisdOm,,
saith Solomon, and II this is the next President
OF the United States win be a Solon. swarm OF
little Fish will AFFECT him not; mealy Murphys win
not choke him, and he may swallow Porter with
mpunity; ordinary Dents will make no impressonl
can Creswell straighten him out. Equally in
different to the babblngs OF Babcock and the pur-
rings OF the feline Russian Catacazy, he will be pre-
sented to the nation, he stands on the steps OF
the White House next March, model citizen and y
paragon OF virtue. If the desperate doings OF the
politicians during the last week or ten days do not
mean this, then their proceedings are unmeaninga
Fully impressed with these views sailed forth this
morning on voyage OF discovery, and, like enthu-
sastic Arctic explorers, expecting to find nothing.
The sable driver, who gracously condescended to
hire me to sit behind his spawned team, sneered at
my purpose and laughed when spoke. He was ac-
customed to people too fashionable to talk and too
dreadfully respectable to be inquisitive But he
compelled to drive for the unfortunate beasts,
like Mr.. Pickwicks coach horses, would have wal
lowed In the mud II stopped for second.
And 1t that, peted with rain and
dashed with SURF we got to the Metropolitan.
An unpleasant odor of unendng and unlragrant
streets, Sabbataran horse cars and Pecksniffian
school teachers saluted my not insignificant pro-
boscis. Everybody connected with the hotel was
from Philadelphia. There news to be OBJ
tained, for the very satisfactory and conclusive
reason that everything in the calm that pre-.
walls at Philadelphia at six A. M.
NOBODY KNEW ANYTHING
about the convention" held In the hotel on ThursI
day last; but If anybody did know, he was so
desperately conscious of the Importance OF the dire
and dangerous secret that he would not part
with 1t for love or money l was driving
Off melancholy and wet when the carriage was
hailed. My spawned horses stood on their hind
legs and spared at the rash person yelling from the
sidewalk. This person most welcome and
agreeable apparitlon. He knew thing or two,
and it gave him pleasure to tell what he knew.
Many years ago. it Is said, he waved dubious nap
kin in the celebrated Jude's Hotel, In Dublin, Ire
land and was celebrated as mu i for his wit as
his keen appreciation Of current politics and knOw
'Be the buck teeth of the holy howlin Noses"
cried Phil, in fine frenzy OF Irish recognition, Pm
proud to see yer honor !"
''Honors are easy, Phil. Step in. How came you
here want to learn all about it,"
"Faith, sir, its easy tellin | left lreland-ef
more av us would lave 1T wud hurt nobody (Mr.
untmely and distressing dig In the RIBS. AS was
sayin'-though didn't say it, I'll left Ireland me me
green green But be this tHere Mr. Farley kissed Wv
FINE IMITATION OF AN IRISH BLACKTHoRN
stick with the same leryency as ne doubtless would
what's my color now"
| Glow Is that, PhlY"
| "Batherashin! You know all about it,"
| al do not, indeed. What is IL, mabouchel?o
'ianyamon DohwlF ses he."
.Why, the fela that kun in the hotel-the Metro.
politan they call IT, and bad luck to the name 10
produces a soreness on the rale Irish mouth.
That's where work; not In the mouth but in the
hotel. The chap comes in-Henry r. Williamson
- war n
room' ses he"
"'For who, sir9' ses I.
"None av yer biZness," ses he"
"May be yen want the counters and fresh
pack ses l.
Shut your mouth ses he.
"An', be me soukins he got ROOM an several
iellers they KUN in AFTER an whn Win they got room
brings in a jug OF Ice wather,
BE THE WAY Av NO HARM,
per Honor an, ses l. Yer sarvce gintlemen,' an
thin they all laughed an wnked an rubbed their
hans, an thin an old chap, says he, Waithcr,
watts yer name p ses he.
g" phil Farley ses |, bOuld as possible-for ye see
was mighty curiOus-it's from Ireland am,
ses !. But yer Honor is payin' no attention to me
go on, Phil; I'm deeply Interested,
"Wel, sir, the ovid chap he ups an ses, ses he,
grabbed at my iorelock an ses |, May the Pope be
betune us an harm never shrank from mans
arm or ran from woman's face-barrin' she was
widow; I'll take 1t, gintlemn, so help mep Thin
they all laughed and moved me be the seat ov me
breeches-beggin' yer 'onor's pardon-into the
"a most trying position, Phil. What did you do?'
81 shattered me body over the table an got howd
ov the bell rope, an ses L. 'Gintlemen,' /,
what's the pleasure this Conventionr
"And then what happened, Philip
Champagne, wild plenty of ce;' and the others ses,
we may as well have some Baltimore Bourbon, wild
Cncnnat btters an thin tney laughed an faith
'sWhat happened after that, Phil ~
"FAIx DON'T KNOW.
"Murphy seS l made speech to the Convention
an was chared and cheered aroun' the room.
Turn the horses roun', sir, for be abers this Is
rich.) Murphy is not collector av customs; he
collects plates an knives an forks. Ny MurphylA
n sweet potatoe. God bless him! Wen, as was
sayin', there was n cry for speech from the chair
man. Somebody rises an cuts and rips and cries.
This Is Phil Farey's Convention and want to heaI
his viewsp and thin, begor, he winked Murphy
reports the speech, which wasn't a speech, but
yaHrSS HSes r,nt,emen SOS l. "a friend av mese,r had
a parrot. a noisy, laxative, troublesome thing
that didn't amount to much: and he likewise kep'
monkey. lie KEEP both ay em quiet, chained up
em up and hurried to aIs ONCE when he Eum
back he found the parrot stripped every blessed
feather and the monkey tearin 'mself to pieces wild
What's all all this about ?" sed the gintleman,
in an awful rage.
"0hlr sed the parrot pacn the nure in a melan-
choly kind OF way 'me dear lrindn says he, 'we've
had "a terrible time.v
"An' me sowln continued Phil Farley, "the GIN
tlemin saw the point, an we drank, an we drank,
an we drank. Oh, 1t was awful, yer 'onorW
Then, Phil you adjournedp -
ov ticker in the three baskets we had sent In was
deep down i'm our stomacks."
.from all this gather that the Convention was
failure In everything but the consumption OF cham
| payne ~ ,, .
| Sure It's fine gntlemin they wor, an q fine time
| they had. But for their Importance an their poll
| tics--wisha
' MRS. MULLIGAN HAD MORE sENsE.u
| "And what were Mrs. Mulligan's views, Phil r'
'Arrah, nowi FOnOdfOMi Sure it's washin'
wimmin I'm after. SO let me jump out or the guests
OF the metropolitan cannot blow their noses for q
week In dacency.n
The President having gone to the Jubilee and
Mr.. Thomas Murphy being also afflicted with the
prevalent Yankee musical mania, nothing more
need be said than that Long Branch Is about
the best place In the United states this wet and
dreary day to emigrate from.
The spring fair OF the Richmond County Agricul.