The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1872-11-30
A World" Reporter Down Below, &C., &c., &c.

corresponding vi 4 no w UEtu. unuti Sdlt /
though Satanic guidance, made success
full descent into Erebus and completely
controverted the igneous theory 80 long
from the pulpit. Since thar
date, while not in active correspondence
with his guide, philosopher. and trend
upon that memorable OCCASION ne mas
maintained with him a Semi-occSsiohal
10 the advantage OF Dotn
parties. In all his doubts, perplexities |
and fears he has gone to the---gOne tomm, /
that is, and has met with the sympathy |
and tender regard which individuals-upon |
the authority of Mad Tom the writer was
about to write gentlemen --cOmpelled !
by stress of circumstances 10 engage IN
distasteful pursuits, manifest for each 9TH
er in private life.
II has long been matter OF wonder 10
the writer-mere neophyte standing lnawe
ON the hither side If the mysterious cur
tain which shrouds the secret shrine OF
iourualism-how the modern newspaper
was made up and where itsnews originated.
Hath," he said with the Idumen patri-
arch, hath the sensation q father, and
who hath begotten the items of news?'
Could il be that the world he lived in and
the world he read of were identical2 Day
after day he pursued the even tenor of his
way along the streets, long vistas OF stores
or dwellings,, with concommitant men, wo-
men, street cars, paripatetic advertise
ments, busses and policemen, and nothing
ever seemed 10 occur. Yet he read next
day Of the murderous burglar that smote
OF midnight, and the mad dog that bit at
midday, of suicides that leaped from roofs
OF tenement-hOuses, and Of boilers that
exploded in crowded factories. All OF
these tragedies must have taken place on
those streets while he was passing by, and
Angel Of Heaven there was none 10 awaken
the slumbering reporter.
Still greater grew his wonder when he
read In the Journals the reports Of all these
tragedies, and discovered that invariably
whenever anything took place a reporter
happened, by some fortunate fatality, 70 be
in the vicinity. He discovered then that
truth long known and accepted in the fra
ternity that no reporter ever was killed or
even manned in an accident, no matter
how terrible Bearing lite as charmed
as that OF the Wandering jew or the hero
Of SOutheys poem whom water saw,
knew, and fled = as II it had known hun to be
Zachary Chandler, confident and serene a.
an'Olympian he rode the mad dog and di
rected the explosion. Twas thus the fire.
queut item read
About half.paat one O'Clock this morning. a.
World reporter vss passing along BlanSway. nea
the intersection Of Something street, a shrek o
mingled hate aFd agony was hurled through tn
gloom from wood yard
That was a man who made human co
lander Of his wife
A little further down the same column
he read
About quarter before eleven O'Clock last nigh
the attention OF World reporter, who passin
along WhatyemaycRu street attracted by
pistol shot and the sound VI shatiering glass 10
saloon near
That was a rough who not only blew tn
bar keepers false teeth out through tn
crown OF his hat but also fractured va
liable mirror.
At the head of the next column, crowne
with a capital Of display type, he read
Bruadv was crowded with the fair, the youni
the beautiful. the gay
The mellow bells had Just ehimed noon
crash
huge stone building lcaped into the air;
eha-m vnwned under foot a cloud of dust roe
there wa an awful silence, then a chorus OF agou
went tingling 10 the horror. stricken sun.
World reporter who happened 10 be passin
rushed
That was sewing-machine factor
which blew up.
In all Of these catastrophes. as ii
reader will have noticed, World reporter
happened u be passing at the suprem
moment. Happened they wrote, wit
delicious and sublime uncOncern, as
these tragedies had been for their excl
sive benefit organized and foreordains
even from before the foundation of d
world. For tham the unexpected boil
I.g..-..I a-..1..,..., ALL L.. H,.lpa,s,
time for them the mad dog, with inini
method in his madness, carefully co
cealed all symptoms of rabies till the pu
lie schools had been dismissed it seem'
as If the reporter had made and kept a
pointments with Calamity and stolen d
time-t tables Of Crime.
Musing over this one evening in his so
tary room, the writer suddenly remark,
70 himself.
at may be the hand Of Providence, b
tome It seems as il the devil was in it. y
The devil is in il, said a deep vOiC
The writer looked up and saw his O
friend and frequent visitor After
hearty welcome had been extended al
cordially received the Guest proceed
thus
Il have followed your musings, m
ami, with some interest. As YOU, wi
your usual sagacity, have observed. ! d
in all thus. Would you know how t
modern newspaper is madeY Then col
with me.
The writer went
After exchanging the usual salutatiC
with the fair Mrs. Luciter, nee Lilith,
Devil called the butler, Ashtaroth, a
directed him 10 have dinner at six sha
and N he sure that the sherry was "
iced lie then led the visitant ir
another World away through famil
scenes, already described in these column
20 a huge hall dimly lighted. 1t seem
something between a chemists labOrato
q grist mill, museum, and an engi
rOOm All along une side of the rO
we're rows of mouth pieces, like those
speaking tubes, but larger Above ga
hung a small metal label, on which was
scribed the name Of some newspaper W
which the writer had been acquainted
earth Active young demons with st
ladders ran along the wall Others hanC
them small parcels which they placed
the mouth pieces, then a brake was turn
there was a whiz and a clang and the
tendants hurried 70 other tubes.
That" said the Devil, rs my c
brated Pneumatic Parcel Delivery L
of these tubes communicates with me
paper office somewhere in the upper wo
You place The copy-those little par
are c0py--in the tube, the engineer tu
on the air current, and in second
copy " on the managing editors d,
ready 10 be given out 10 the printer. !
haps you would like 10 trace out the I
eesses IN detail.
The writer acquiesced and the Devil
him W another part of the hall, where
wall was occupied by an apparently COZ
less number Of small drawers. These,
were labelled, some of the labels reaC
As follows lie Nailed" "Monst,
Accusation" "Contemporaneous She
''Scurrilous Libels, ''Of seventy
lmpotent Orwell" Constitutional Pri
pies, Absurd Conclusion, &c. Bytl
rows Of drawers stood satellites, ac
under the direction Of specialized ma
white apron, who stood by sort Of
per.
He said the Devil, lis prof,
And water shall see Thea
AND know thee aud nee thee