Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1872-06-18
LaI2lch for HaG27aOr6stS.

L1L2IC1 ion" H2C21lO7'lStSs
Garrison says that the women question was
an ''all embracing one. Who said it wasn't
"Come where my love lies dreaming says
an up-country swain, land see how she looks
with the paint off.
A western writer describes Dolly Warden
dress as an animated old fashioned window cur
tain thrown over a red brick wall.
A sour old bachelor makes the remark, that
a girl now termed beautiful blonde, would, a
few years ago, have been called tow head.
A dandy observed that he had put plate of
brass upon his boots to keep him upright
''Well balanced, by jing !" said Dutchman,
"prass at both ends.
A lady asked gentleman, who was suffering
with the influenza, my dear sir, what do you
take for your cold p Five pocket handker-
chiefs day, ma'am.
A little girl sent out to hunt eggs, came back
unsuccessful, complaining that lots Of hens were
standing around doing nothing.
Skies says the prettiest sewing machine he
ever saw was about seventeen years of age,
with short sleeves, low-necked Dress and gaiter
boots on
A Dutchman complaining of bad neighbors,
says his pigs and his hens come home with
their ears split, and that the last time two of
his hens came home missing
A genius has just invented machine for
making chestnuts out of sweet potatoes. He
is brother to the man who put handles to
pricky pears and sold them for curry combs.
A line in one Of Moore's songs runs thus -
Our couch shall be roses, bespangled with
dew" To which a sensible girl replied -
'Twould give me the rheumatic, and so it
would you
Woman is delusion, madam |" exclaimed
a crusty old bachelor to witty young lady,
land man is always hugging some delusion or
other" was the apt rejoinder.
a young lady was looking at picture repre-
senting pair of lovers in boat, with the arm
OF the lover gently EMBEDDING the waist of his
dulclnea, she innocently remarked, How nat
ural II
The people of Chicago are taking airs be-
cause they have the Tabelarea Feuestrata, the
Frogtaria Crotonenses, the Surirella Splendi-
da, and Stephanadisous Niagara, in their
drinking water.
An ignorant housemaid who had to cali
gentleman to dinner, found him engaged In
using toothbrush. 'Well, is he coming ?"
said the lady Of the house, when the servant
returned Yes, mas am, directly was the
reply hes jist sharpening his teeth"
An inebriated Democrat was dining at
Western hotel the other day.
Beef, pork, mutton, veal, or ehicken?''
said the polite waiter.
II don't care d-n," was the reply; any
thing to beat Grant.
Josh Billings says There IL one thing
about hen that does look like wisdum, they
don t kackle much until after they have laid
their egg. Sum pholks are alwus a Dragging
and cackiing what they are going tew do be-
forehand.
A youth who had applied for marriage IL
cense in Cambridge, Mass the other day, was
reminded By the clerk of the two previous ap-
plications, and said: Yes, but the other two
girls dlda't know | wanted to ger married till
showed them the documents this o, e does"
Ia Chicago, recent legal cision enables a
man to thrash his notherin-law for seventy
five dollars A few days after young man 10
Rock port undertook to do it for nothing. She
was very healthy woman. When he RECEIVERS
sufficiently he will tell how he went about it.
Master Charlie, aged four years, was not
pleased on being reproved by bis mother for
some mischieVouS prank, and showed his dis
pleasure in his face, when his mother re-
marked, why, Charlie, [ am astonished to
see you making faces at your motherl' Char
lie frightened up at once, and retorted, why,
[ meant to laugh; but, mamma, my face
slipped"
A bright man, not knowing what to do with
his dog, hitched him to the tai-board of his
wagon while he went into saloon. While in
there the horse took fright, and ran at a tear
ing pace down the street, the dog following af-
ter as matter of course. When last seen, the
dogs interest in the affair didn't appear to
have abated any, but it was quite evident he
WASH t gaining on the wagon.
An heiress of Louisville is SO pestered with
suitors that she has to exercise her ingenuity
to get rid of them. When one offers himself,
whose affection she has reason to think is CEN
tered upon her Golfers and not upon herself,
she begins to FIRE at him with six-shooter,
telling him that If he is true lover he will
prefer to die by her hand than live to offer his
TO some one else. So far no one has pre-
ferred."
A correspondent at Columbus, Georgia,
writes: 1.-TWO pretty girls are passing along
| contemplate the twin stars or rather comets
for they have sweeping locks Of silky white
streaming after them. The girls of Columbus
stand high on the scale of feminine beauty
not exactly beauty unadorned for they run .af-
ter their fashion plates. There is, however, a
fine rosy hue Of health on their cheeks; col
or that can only be obtained by the magic brush
OF the pure up country air.
The Cleveland Leader says that gentleman
in that city who prides himself on his personal
appearance, lately sought to remove grease
spot from his coat tail by the free use Of ben
zine, and then stood close to the stove that the
odor might eVaporate more quickly. He was
quite correct in theory, but unfortunate in
practice, for he was soon turning cartwheeIs |
through the window, and there was not enough |
at-tail left to make 'weskit' for doll |
baby. He does not ride horseback now, and
sleeps on all tours like mule.
PROBABLY NoT.-Some years ago an honest
citizen Of Newburyport, who acquired a COM
petence by hard work. was appointed by his
Excellency justice of the peace The ap-
pointment, which had been unsolicited, was re-
garded by him as very great honor, and he
determined to make himself worthy of it by
retiring from active business and giving his at
tention to books. His first purchase was
copy of the general statutes; his next vol
nme of the plays Of Shakespeare, about whom,
as he told his wife confdentialy, he had heard
the big guns say good deal. The great poet
produced powerful impression upon him
Il don't suppose, he said, speaking Of it af-
forwards to his friends, there are twenty men
- Massachusetts, who could have xvr;ttan e,,oL