Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1872-02-01

great question, "Will cundurango
explode?"
"A young lady being asked by a
rich old bachelor, If not Yourself,
who would you rather be ?n hlushcd,
as she sweedy replied, " Yours,
truly"
"A "swcll," in o drawirg.room
wanting his servant, called out,
-" Where is that blockhead OF mine ?'
A wit replied "on your shoulders,
SIR"
An exchange having received
poems entitled the "Throhbing
Brain" and the bleeding Heart, y
concludes to wait for tho "Aehing
Stomach" before publishing either,
Abby West, colored, died lately
in Virginia, aged %. Up to The last
moments she could see to thread a
needle and repeat the Ten Command
ments with ono eye shat.
After n long and patient invest.
CATION this committee have decided
that Chicago was burned because Ch.
cago was burned. That is u salts,
factory report Of course.
1t is difficult to understand why
some people exhibit so much solici,
tude about their lungs, when their
lungs always take air for themselves.
Trying to do business withou,
advertising is like winking at pret'
ty girl through pair Of goggles
You may know what you are doing,
but nobody else does.
A gentleman having Just lost his
wife visited a friend, aud being asked
how long he would remain in town,
answered "Oh for about a fort.
night--long enough to spend the hon,
eymoon of my widowhood."
The Poland drg2ts tiid TO call a
friend Ga noble old bnrgbcr, proudly
loving his native State;" which neat
little compliment came from the com.
positor's hands reading, ga nobby
old burglar prowliug around in a max
ed state"
The Vassar College girls are
heavy on "sriddle cakes The di.
mensions Of their new griddles are ten
fee. by eight, and its capacity is set
down at =" five hundred cakes at a
single fry"
The state of Arkansas intends
making the crime OF olopinR with an.
other mans wife n Capital oiiense.
That is what it is now, if she is prot.
ty.--,San Francisco Ne,cs.
The London Press pays Ameri-
cans very pretty compliment, under
the mask Of joke. lie advises Eng.
lish men to hurry up their subscrip.
tions, or Chicago will bo rebuilt be.
fore they can get there,
"A wag at n ball in Louisville re.
Gently substituted thin slices Of soap
for the ham III the sandwiches. The
company were immensely hungry, and
took huge bite all round, but no one
liked to say anything about 1t for fear
of being laughed a..
---" George" asked the teacher OF
a Sunday school class, who, above
all others, shall You wish first to see
you when you get to heaven ?" With
bright face Frightening up with an
,icipation, the little fellow shouted
Gerliah !"
"A Chicago girl wrote to her low
er in Springfield, Mass, just after the
fire, saying Our wedding was set
for next weak, anA if you will stand
up with woman dressed in a cotton
skirt and her fathers overcoat, come
on" The brave youth telegraphed in
reply: "Gct ready, | will be with
YOU"
"A Pennsylvania paper says "Chi'
cago was probably the most popuIoua
city in tho world. Some fourteen
millions Of her destitute citizens
have passed through this city in the
last three weeks. You can't throw a
cat in any direction without hurting a
sufferer. The dodge is becoming
thrbadbare."
In a Texas town. the other day,
a smoked legislator was seen with a
roll of greenbacks in his hand, over
which he was cackling loudly. A by
stander inquired: "What are you
laughing at, Jun ?" JlmrepIied :" You
see that money 2" eyes" "Well, boss,
jast 20: that for my vote. I've
beer bought -four or five times in my
life, but Dis is de fast time got de
cash myself
Grace Greenwood, writing from
Denver, says :; I" Nature did anteIopes
an i'll turn originally, in afixing to
them d mark by which they can be
seen and "a bead drawn on them at a
distance. 1t renders them especially
liable TO attack 10 the rear, which re-
minds us of a little story. A small
Colorado boy, who had been out plant.
ing. ran into the house in state OF
great excitement, saying that be had
seen some antelopes in gulcE near
| by. At bis entreaty, his mother went
out 10 look at them, bnt nothing of the
4 Il