Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-01-15
SNOW FLAKES,
A two-foot rule-Don't stumble.


Persons who wish to get up with the
lark should 90 to bed without it.
'.Do write and fear not" is what the
girls say to their correspondents.
A Pittsburg paper asks thieves to car
ry lanterns 50 that the police can find
them.
When wife reigns, it seems that she
storms, too. She generally does.
A bad marriage is like an electric ma
chine. 1t makes you dance, but you
can't let it go.
It is a queer woman who asks no ques-
tions, but the woman who does is the
querist.
A boot and shoe store in the Sixth av-
enue, New York, advertises ''Women's
Rights-and LETS. T"
Fifty young widows reside in the small
town of Centerville, Indiana, and it is
unsafe for an unprotected man to pass
through there.
The young ladies of Waterville, Me-,
having recently organized an anti-tobacco
society, the young men of that town have
organized an anti-corset society.
An old bachelor, who bears his lonely
state with much equanimity, says: at
is better to be laughed at for not being
married than be unable to laugh because
you are.
A Galesburg Qll.) school mistress,
having exhausted the resources of earth
ly punishment, lately gave pupil fore
taste of the pit by burning birthstone
under his nose.
A st. Louis lawyer attempted to try a
case the other day while he was half
drunk, but the Judge stopped him, say
ing: mo lawyer can practice at two
| UdTS dC I0e saline UlI0c.
A young miss in recitation in geogra-
ply informed her astonished teacher that
''the mammoth cavern in Kentucky is
the greatest living curiosity and has been
exploded ten miles from its mouth"
Johnny was telling his ma how he was
going to dress and show off when he gets
to be man. His ma asked Johnny,
what do you expect to do for a living
when you get to be man?'' ''Well. ]
reckon I'll get married and board with
wife's pa
At late Plymouth church picnic Mr..
Beecher was asked why he did not dance
There is but one reason" he replied
81 don't know how. The only dancing
that l ever did was when my father fur.
nished the music and used me as fiddle
| took all the steps then"
JOHN CHINAMAN's Eye TO BUSINESS.
"A man who has been trying to get up
a directory in Denver thus relates one Of
his experiences while getting up his di
rectory blanks:
l stopped at the house of All Sin, {
renovator of soiled linen
'Mr. Sin, have you blank, left here
few days ago, sabbee ?''
s'Oh, yes; me sabbee. You like clt
wash2 Me washee belize goode."
Il mean blank for your name"
"Oh, me sabbee. You bling EN- clio
me puttee name, pape, China sabbee
You bling EN- pape; me glib you clo'
care you the head of the family ?'
"Oh, yes; me sabbee. You want,
washee family. Where you lib? NJ,
washee belize goode. Gotee wifee
Washee ale one dolla two bifty dozen
sabbee ?"
| endeavored to explain to him my OBJ
ject-to ascertain the population: 'Hoy
many? heaps lots of people you know il
Denver?''
"oh, yes; me sabbee- Blenty Nell
, can man; blenty washee; heap green
backs. Bimeby, 60 to China buy en-
wifee; buy en- two, tree wifee, all
same Brigham Young Where you clio
Me getem; washee belize goode."
I left this Celestial without gainin,
any further information, and he ''smilet
| with a smile that was childlike ant
bland at the prospect of obtaining m,
washee.
At concert in Boston, a young
woman who was disturbing those 0
the audience seated near her by inces
SAINT chattering, was summarily silenc
ed by gentleman who handed he
piece of paper on which he hat
1 written the suggestion that she NIGH
5 not be conscious that she was revea,
+ ing family secrets to large circle c
f editors.
A Rhode Island man has been al
: rested by two railroads for attempting
> to obstruct their tracks. His excus
> was that he had to take log of WOO
home, and if the State is not bi
= enough for him to lay down load i
: it without blockading all the railroads
the fault lies with SOMEBODY beside
him.
! A young lady, thinking she hear
C her lovers voice at the door, rushe