Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1872-03-23
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
Time is poney-Except the time OF
need. -
To remsse A,u,. from character
Get rich.
The Cohju6etive aMood-Thoughts
of Matrinlohy.
Little fsii hare a proper idea of bus
ines In starting on = small scale. !.
Distrust and envy are worms that
eat at the rust Of social enjoyment.
When ia III enc;,mplnent likely 4.
burn WELT When the tents are pitch.
ell.
Let the slandered take comfort; n
is only ut fruit trees that throw
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Light ia most successful bsrgleEs
i is Always ereexihg 40 iopouJ 80
The cat il wonderful builder; %
have seen cat run Up ? house in Eve
minutes.
A trotting man has bean named e
tor Victoria WoOdhnll. She - e.
very fast.
Why is y man that ussyiss .euouA
like tie captain Ut . ship frksb -
has y SECOND mate. 80
A LAZY was lately Rugged to death
in AinnesOta-another illustration OF
the~ ASwer-of the press.' o sas
A fashionable young lady lately 70.
ceiyed seightA elegant fanny Bfblae
among her wedding pEeseuts.
!" Ace High " 80 fhelstest ssnss13onr
al drama, and All young ladies know
how eftective u sagh sometimes Is.
ASchoolboy defined . appetite,p b
ex.Iaimingy thst z When I'm eating I'm
'appy, and when I'm done I'm tsght
4Ftoss who boy somb-stoies ,of -
look With pride and satisfactiSH oasn1
graves Of their friends" is the advef.
tisenlent Of Western stone cutter.
"Woman js . delusion, madam r
said crusty old bachelor 70 witty
yopng lady. And man IN slwsys
hugging some delusiOn or other" wse
the quick retOrt. ~. ~ =.
Miss Rose Hawthorne, the youngest
daughter vi the novelist, hss reeently
married, and by her change of nane
destroyed the pr0ysrb. She IL nov 3
Rose without Hawthorne.
A candid old bachelor ssy: "AftAe
all y wolnaps heart 10 the swsstest
thing in the world it's . perfect
honeycoinb-fall OF sells.r - $50
"Did YOU say that nay brothsr Jlu
didn't know as much ss Smith's yellow
Alase.f 's-AANe,s soid -SaAish' yel2ow
dog. knew more than your brother
A new member arroyo ~ make bic
frsraslHecg, and in his emblrraAsussnt
began to scratch his head. Well,s
exclaimed Sheridan, he has got ,ssn&
thing in his bead after all.'
allow did you learn that grsos6al
attitude n said u gsntleman TO q druA.
ken fellow, leaning in maudlin fash
ion against y post. :" have pesA
practising at a glass; was the reply.
g Excuse this bit of sarcasm. said
Smith to Jones, g but I must say thss
you are All infamous liar and scoun.
dreln |" Pardon this hit of irony,c
said Jones to Smith, as no knocked
him over with poker. 49,
sWife,r said man, locke for bis
boot jack, f" have places where I keep
my things, aud .yon olghtto know it.s
!" Yes" said sle, "a ought to know
where youikeep Your late heurs-but
don't" seite - - - s'iai -.
A gentleman, in search Of . man %
do some work, met on his way 9
highly respectable lady, not a. young
a. she once was, and asked her, Cen
yen tell me where I can find ) BnW =
"No, cannot" she replied, "lbs
have been looking these -tRen1v. -
for one for myself = y 2 ~
"Boysm said . school teacher the
other day, " what is the meaning ot ~
this noise in schOOlr
set 8 Bill Smith, sir, who 10 NINA
ting q locomotive" ~'s
| O0meW here, William" said the
teacher. "If you are turning into I
locomotive .!,'sat si i y y high time soy ysrs
An economical Iowan, who bad I
= toothache, determined to remove hil
toO.h in the Indian fashion. Accord,
ingly he bent down sapling in thu
woods, lay down himself, aud attached
a stout cord to his tooth and the cap
ling. Then he touched the spring, and
the next thing he knew, be had jump
ed over p grove Of about forty small
trees, and WAS trying to get ont of {
email pond that be happened to aligh'
in.
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