Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1872-03-21
MICELLANEOUS ITEMS.


MICELLANEOJS ITEMS.
o Autumn hues-cutting fire-wood.
il Punch calls sneeze head wind.
Some one calls poker CRATE game.
r Barefooted Irishmen wear Cork soles.
: Movement in real lestate-earthquake
T Voice of fnature-the mountains peak
: A rum blossom is one species of rye
' flower.
Room for improvement is probably
e the largest room in the world.
Agood hotel keeper is a man that
one can always put up with.
; The ladies of Georgia town raised
: money enough to buy fire engine
Can they want it to put out their own
, flames?
A pawn-broker having Joined q tenn
perance society, it was remarked that
there need be no fear of his not keeping
the pledge.
4 Some young men prefer blue-eyed
lmaidens and others prefer dark-eyed
ones. But of late years the mon-eyed
lgirls have had the call over all others.
A thief was lately caught breaking
into a song. lie had already got through
the first two bars, when a policeman
came up and beat him with stave.
The rest may be imagined.
i The youth who stole n watch and re-
turned it to the owner, who promised
''no questions asked" is in Jail. The
II 10, n-1 A.7F Lr,
arrested the youth without asking any
questions.
Avoid arguments with ladies. In
spinnihg yarns among silks and satinsa
man is sure to be worsted and twisted.
/ And when man is worsted and twist
ed he may consider himself wound up.
Jones says that he first met his wife
in storm, took her to the first ball in q
lstoim, popped the question in q storm,
married her in storm, lived his sub
lsequent married life in a storm, and
buried her in pleasant weather.
A Fenian over the water was called
for toast. He gave the following:
"An hsnl the American aigIe.
Proud bird OF freedom, all hail!
The fowl that no one can inyagle,
Or put salt on Its beautiful taIlP'
If you have a place of business, be
found there when wanted or in busi-
ness hours.
He who seeks to build his reputation
on the weakness of others, has an un-
safe foundation.
The japanese are said to make a
strong string of paper, but it is not
equal to good cord ofwood.
On a gate post out west is a sign,
"Take warnin'; No tracs nor life insur-
ans, nor soin' maeheens wanted here. -
Learn to say s'no." No necessity of
swapping out dOg-fashion, but say it
firmly and respectfully, as you ought
to.
"Here lies man who never had an
enemy" Then here lies a man who
never had an idea = Wesadeu Phillips.
A Western girl who has been well
brought up knocks down every man
that kisses her, and she is so pretty
that half the married and all the single
men in town have black eyes.
A correspondent ofthe Observer calls
upon Presbyterian congregations to say
"amen - at the close of each prayer of
the minister. On which advice the
Pittsburg Christian Advocate comments:
''Good counsel this! 1t is old-fashiOned
MethOdisin. Unfortunately it is fall
ing too much into disuse among us.
Let all the people say "Amen."
A lisping mother, who had presented
her infnnt at the baptismal front for
on being asked by TIE
clergyman, "What name9" responded,
in a whisper, "Luthy, thir," when, to
the horror of the whole congregation
and the CONSERVATION of the mother,
he christened the baby-Lucifer. a.3
They have some bright children In
our public schools. A teacher was en-
deavoring to familiarize a little girl
with the various countries on the East
ern hemisphere, with little evidence of
success. Finally the lady asked: "If /
were to bore hole through the earth,
and you were to 60 in at this end where
would you come out?"
"Why, I'd come out Of the hole.-
How stupid !''
A worthy Baptist of Boston, anxious
to help denominational school, agreed
to leave it 500, 900 at his death, if the
institution would pay him the interest
at six per cent up to that event. The
of titles in the fact that he
could get his life insured for that amount
for 81, 900 or s., 900, leaving him very
comfortable income besides: That is
for an annual revenue of say 5000 he
would let any college insure his life tor
100000.
A writer in the English Mechanic ex-
nlts greatly on account of the success of
a device put into practice by him for
cats from coming over the
fence into his yard. This consists in
mailing down horizontally along the
ton of thelfence piece of wire gauze or
netting. having 9eoarse mesh, and pro-
iectin9 about two feet on each side.
The netting will bend slightly down.
ward by its own weight, and while it
does not exclude the light or rain from
the garden, will resist the most perse-
yering efforts ofany cat to surmount it.
The Danbury (Conn. News says: "a
Young lady in a neighDOring town has
taken up dentistry for living. All the
Young gentlemen patronize her. When
she nuts her arm around the neck OF e
patient and caresses his jaw for the Of
lending member, the sensation is as
nice as they make 'em. One young
man has become hopelessly infatuated
with her. Consequently he hasn't q
tooth In his head. She has pulled
every blessed one of them; and made
him fwonew sets and pulled them. She
is now at work on his fathers saw. He
holds the saw.
The feat of Herr Holtum, "the Prus-
alan Hercules" who Is astonishing the
British by catchinga a ball fired from q
cannon is said to be neither novel nor
1ificult. rhe fact Is that about two