Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1872-12-20


Generally speaking-Women.
Hush Money-Nurse's Wages.
Loose habits-Dressing-g
When is charity like bee? When it be-
gins " to hum"
goose is supposed to be like II cows tail
because they both grow down.
Why is chicken just Matched like cows
tailp Never seen before.
They who are unable to govern themselves
are always desirous of governing others.
Query for Spiritualists-Are low spirits
less than medium sighs?
The Height of lmpertinence--Asking II
Jew what his Christian name is.
A school board that is never elected-A
blackboard.
The center of gravity--A Quaker's waist
coat buttons.
The western wits now call bigamy Utah
lizing the female sex.
81 don't remember having ever seen you
before us the lawyer said to his conscience.
A rising artist is painting for next years
exhibition picture of death rs large as life.
Jones wrote TO II friend, and closed by say
ing, O. am glad to be able to say that my
wife is recovering slowly"
What do you expect to see reflected In your
innamorata's eyes? Yourself-if she is good
looking-glass.
An adventurous astronomer, with some
spare capital, is looking out for II safe spec
on the disk of the sun.
An irritable man, who was disappointed in
his boots, threatened to cat up his shoe max
er, but compromised by drinking cobbler.
If we.coud read the secret history of our
enemies, we should find in each mans life
sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all
hostility
Speaking well of mankind is the worst
kind OF detraction for it takes away the rep
utation of the few good men in the world by
making all alike.
A wag, in what he knows OF farming
gives n plan to remove u widows weeds: he
says n good-loOking man has only to say
"Wilt thou" and they wilt
There are said to be good reasons for sup
write poems about death and the grave, hav'
holes in their stockings
The heroic soul does not sell its justice ant
its nobencss. 1t does not ask to dine NIGEL.
and to sleep warm. The essence of great
ness is the perception that virtue is enough
Man and wife are generally called one
Some people, though, reckon them rs two
But ten is the proper calculation of SOM
couples-the wife one, and the husband
cipher.
1t requires more delicacy of touch, bette
acquaintance with the inner emotions of tn
heart, and grander pathos of sentiment t
make decoration of love than it does to pu
up stove.
He that wants good sense is unhappy i
having learning, for he has, thereby, onl
more ways of exposing himself; aud he tina
has sense, knows that learning is not know
edge, but rather the art of using it.
A widower, who had never quarreled wit
his wife, said the last day of his marriag
was us happy rs the first. Another widowe
said the last day of his marriage was tn
happiest.
Iftherc is anybody under the canister {
heaven that have in utter exc essence, say
Mrs. Partington, it is the slanderer goin
about like boy constructor, circulating h
calomel upon honest folks.
The following is the most startling con
positor's " line to fill out column we hay
seen for a month Does not young mott
er's heart leap 4th with joy when she behold
ier darling babes lst 2th?"
Two undertskers meeting the other da
one of them remarked on the vast increa!
of mortality. Well,n replied the othe
you're luckier than |, for have not buri'
living soul for more than three weeks"
Fred" said farmer to his son, 81 he
that you and your wife quarrel and wrang
every day." Whoever told you that, fat
er, was mistaken. Me aud my wife ha'
not spoken to one another for over month
Two little girls were lately prattling
Rether, and one of them said: ave ke
four servants, have got six horses and lots
carriages now what have you gotP" Wi
quite us much pride the other answere
"We've got n skunk under our barn."
Peter-Mornin', squirrel You be up earl
Squire-Good morning, Peter; am oblig
to be up and out early to get an appetite
my breakfast But what brings you on
Well, I'm trying to get breakfast for
appetite,
There are two ways of doing it, said
to himself, as he stood musing and watt
for n job on the street corner If | sa
me $4,000, | must lay up me 5000 n year
twenty years, or | can put away $40 ye
for two hundred years. Now which W
will do iti"