Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1872-06-14
PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS.

new" "Yes, I've got the nelO-ralgia, and
it hurts terribly"
A California eonundrum: What is the
difference between a sneer and an earthquake?
One is an innuendO and the other an end of
Inyo.
A beautiful instance of undying agection
was shown by the lately deceased bishop of
st. Asaph, in Wales, who for twenty years,
every day, storm or sunshine, strewed flowers
on his wife's grave.
81 don't care much about the bugs" said
Warmley to the head of a genteel boarding
house, "but the fact is, madam, havn t the
blood to spare; you see that yourself.
A female infant was found on the porch Of
house in Germantown, Pa, and carried to
the poor house, where it was registered as
"Dolly Warden"
. The prisoner has very smooth coun-
tenance." ''Yes; but he was irOned Just be-
fore he was brought in That accounts for
it,"
4 young lady was looking at picture
representing pair Of lovers in boat, with
the arm of the lover gently enfolding the
waist OF his dulcinea, when she innoeently re-
marked, GLOW natural!'
The protector Of new paper at Atlanta,
Ga, having declared that he will condemn
the wrong and applaud the right, the Era
says the task will keep him about as busy as
a schoolboy with hornet in his trousers
4 gentleman inquired of another whether
a certain doctor had any practice. oh yes,
was the reply, Il assisted in laying out one Of
his patients the other day"
Subject for triumph.-"W hat have you
been crying for, GEORGE" ''Coth mamma
wouldn't give me thpunge-cake, 'c)th I've
got thtummlch-ache" ''Ah. hai I've got
a 'pung-cake and a 'tummach-ache, too.
London Punch.
\ box containing black bear was received
at an express office the other day; outside
was this inscription; ''Black Bare-Ef you
don't want to get bit, kepe your fingers out
Of the crax."
A wife having los; her husband was incon-
soable for his death. Leave me to nv
grief, she cried sobbing, "you know the
extreme sensioility Of my nerges-a mere
nothing upsets them
If it's paper man We are, yez can Just
lave me house at wanst, fJrit's diyil bit Of
rest I've had since lost me poor COW, all on
account Of them spalpeens, the rayporters.
May the diVil fly away wild thin Be aft
wild ye, | say. - Mrs. O'Leary, of Chica-
90.
IL say, boy, is there anything to shoot
around here?' well, replied the boy,
nothing Just about here, but our school
master is just over the hill there cutting
birel rods; you might walk up and pop him
over"
\ young married man WAS remarking TO
some ladies that it was always the women
who ran after the men, when his wife indig-
nantly said, "You know, my dear, never
ran after you" .'Ihat may Re, 80 he replied
''but You took mighty good care not to get
out Of the wav."
NJ Prudh0mme, in the decline Of life. was
talking to his nephew, to whom he related
stories of his life. But, uncle. suddenly
exclaimed the young man, what struck you
most during your liie?" My dear boy, it
was your aunt.
\ little boys grief upon being refused per-
mission To attend the Danbury Opera House
was in part assuaged by the assurance from his
mother that if he would dry his tears he
might 20 up street in the afternoon and see
his father have a tooth pulled.
The Elmira Advertiser says: The word
love, in the Indian language l., .'Schemlan-
damourtehwager." Only think Of it girls,
through your myriad destinations, causing
respectable men to fall head over heels il
chemleudamourtchwage with you.
During the war, an Irishman was posted
with a musket on duty, and wandering
little out OF bis position, was accosted BY an
officer with. "What are you here for ?''
Faith, your honor" said Pat with his ac-
customed grin OF good humor. they told me
| am here Tor a century
Now, children" said a Sunday school
gentleman visitor, who had been talking to
the scholars ab ut good people and bad
people NOW, children, when | am walking
IN the street, speak to some persons meet,
and | don't speak to others, and what's the
reason?' lie expected the reply would be,
Because some are good and others bad" TO
his discontinue, the general shout was, BE
cause some are rich and others are poor"
Kinderhook, Illinois, Possesses the cham
pion preacher, \ few Sundays ago he had
preached an eloquent sermon, and at the
conclusion exhoTted his hearers to embrace
the opportunity presented. None came for
ward. and after waiting some time the min
ster, raising his voice to It's highest pitch,
exclaimed: well, sit there and be damned" "
On the same Sunday he called out to the
janitor Open that window don t like to
preach in barrel with the bung drove in.
y young lady at an evening party some
time ago found it apropOs to use the express
sion, ''Jordan is a hard road to travel, - but
thinking that to be too vulgar substituted the
following; "Perambulatng progression in
pedestrian excursion along the far famed
Ihoroughfare OF fortune cast up by the spark
ling river Of Palestine Is, indeed. attended
with a heterogeneous conglomeration Of IN
foreseen difficulties.
Two practical jokers in a Virginia town,
who were left in charge Of numerous babies
on a social occasion while the mammas en-
dyed dance, changed the clothes of the
little darlings, and arrayed each one in
strange habIliments The mothers, after an
hour or 50 of devotion to Terpsichorean dc
lights took their baby vcstments and the dear
little forms therein contained, and retired
to their respective and once happy homes
On preparing the little ones for crib, sexes
had changed-girls were boys and boys girls
and with one universal yell the outraged
Materials set out on a baby hunt At last
accounts most all had succeeded in recover
ing the lost heirs. but the wags kept ont Of
the way Of those matrons as much as posi-
BILE.