Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-10-18
HumOr.

HumOr.
Two American Notwithstanding and
Joking.
If you would be nothing just wait to be
something.
Who is the first boy mentioned in the Bi.
BILE (? Chap. l.
If man has a great many debts, are
they very ''mach to his credit p
Young ladies with new diamoud solitaire
rings never refuse to play the piano.
People who are always wishing for some
thing new should try neuralgia once.
He who does evil that good may come,
pays toll to the devil to let him into heav-
en-.
A border. ruf6an of postmaster out
West cancels letter-stanlps with bis boot
heel.
Why is the bridegroom worth more than
the bride? Because she is given away and
he is sold.
Wait for others to advance your interests,
and you will wait till they are not worth
advancing.
Jones says he always gave Mrs. Jones
her own way, because its the only thug he
has to give her.
A Pittsburg poick has made poem in
which be alludes to the dew as ''the perspi-
ration Of the moon"
A young exquisite, being asked why he
did not 20 to was, said he always thought
war was best when taken in homes pathic
doses.
sThe verb love-" says wicked French
writer, isis an active verb, which runs until
it sinks exhausted in the easy chair Of mar
rage"
An Ohio lawyer included in his bill
against his client: ''To waking up in the
night and thinking about your case-ten
dollars"
The man who called for tea, at an ordina-
mule" complains that be got it "as weak as
good solution
''Driver are you running on time to.
day 7" asked passenger in on omnibus
"No, sir" was the keen reply, eve are
running for cash."
sPa, are you still growing 7" ''No,
Frank. What makes you think SO p "Be.
cause the top Of your head is coming
through your hair
What is the difference between French
lo1 To-
One is French on the down and the other
down on the French.
Mrs. Shoddy puckered up her mouth
genteelly and told a gentleman friend that
one Of her lovely daughters was tbluenet'
and the other 'blonzen
An Illinois editor has become SO hollow
from depending for subsistence on his paper
that be advertises himself for sale for stove
pipe at three cents foot
A smart young articled clerk, on hearing
by lecturer that a man is merely machine,
remarked, "then | suppose an attorney may
be said to be suing machine"
A Yankee doctor has contrived to extract
from sausages powerful tonic, which he
says contains the whole strength of the orig
inal bark He calls it tie sulphate of ca
nine.
A newly married couple riding in car
riage, were overturned, wtereupon stand.
er.by said it was shocking sight. eyes"
said gentleman, "to see those just welded,
fall out so soon."
An exchange says at a concert recently
at the conclusion Of the song "There's
Good Time Coming country farmer got
up and exclaimed "Mister, you couldn't
fix the date, could you ?"
Twelve Ohio jurymsn being called upon to
decide whether throwing fish at mans
head was assault and battery, found for the
defendant, because the testimony didn't
show that it was salt fish.
The young lady who was "carried away
by her feelings" came back with her "un-
feeling" father, "feeling lost ;" but the
maiden lady who ''could not express her
feelings" telegraphed them, as she dare
not trust the 'males p
A bookbinder said to his wife at their |
wedding at seems that now we are
bound together, two volumes 10 one, with
clasps" eyes," observed one Of the guests:
zone side highly ornamented Turkey mo-
rocco, and the other plain calf"
'sYou have Lost some of your friends, I |
see," said a traveller to a negro whom he |
met on the road.
Eyes, massa."
'Was it near, or distant relative
"Well, purity distant about twenty -four
miles,"
The "onsartin" days we are having at
present, and, in fact, the season, reminds
me US Of the beautiful words of the poet
which runs thus:
"These are the solemn days,
The saddest of the year;
Too warm for whiskey punch,
Too cold for lager beer.'
"John, did you leave Mr.. Jones' umbrel1
Ia at his houseT'
emo, ma" said John.
s'And why did you not my son Didn't I
tell you n
eyes, ma" said John; shut didn't you
tell me little while ago, to keep some.
thing for rainy day ? and what better thing
Can keep than an umbrella p
A gentleman after having paid his atten-
tions to lady for some time popped the
question, and the lady in frightened man.
ner, exclaimed, you scare me, sir p The
gentleman did not wish to frighten the lady.
and consequently remained quiet for some
lime when she exclaimed uScare me-