Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1872-09-13
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A SEA-GULL-A mermaid.

A ASEA-GULL--A mermaid.
BROTHERS IN-LAw-The judges.
THE MADE OF AwL- L-WoRK-Boots.
A PICTURE OF CoNTENT--A portrait of
Patience.
EPIDEMIC YELLOW FEvER-Greed for
gold.
A MOVEMENT IN REAL EsTATE-An
earthquake. e... - "a l.......
PAPER houses are being made practica-
BILE, habitable and comfortable.
BLUE overcoat and gilt buttons will be
the style for next winter.
AN attempt was once made to change
the name of Massachusetts to Oceana.
''NFws of the weak is the facetious
headline given by city editor to a hos
pital report. # s at
A MEMPHIS lady has the homespun
mother.
A KENTUCKY horse is in the habit of
eating what few ducks he finds in his
watering trough. -. ....r t...... ....
"EXTENDING your shOp-front into the
newspaper" is the latest definition for
advertisement.
A FARMER who smoked in his barn is
now hauling lumber for another one.
A DRUNKARD is generally bad arguer,
for the oftener he comes to the pint the
more incoherent he is. .lIeu
AN old lady, writing to her son out
West, warns him to be aware OF bilious
saloons and bowel alleys.
BOXES govern the world-the cartridge
box, the ballot-box, the jury-box, the
handbook and the pillbox. .t. ...t
WASHINGTON TERRITORY wants a stat
ute to punish bachelors for marrying the
school mas as fast as they arrive.
ANOTHER reason why women should
vote Her voice can be heard two miles
up in the air, while mans can be heard
only one. 4faa
"WHAT is the best butter ?" exclaimed
an orator at a meeting of dairymen.
" An old ram !" responded sheep-raising
interloper. aC# f@ .ii .f #
THE man who has never known the
luxury of doing a kindness will probably
never know the bliss of heaven.
A DIsGUsTED theater-goer says,
"There's no plays like for home" for
him. He retired singing to himself,
"Home, a Gain"
ANSWER TO LADY CORRESPONDENTS
No; ships do not wear whalebOnes in
their stays, nor do they suffer from tight
lacing
WHEN a young lady offers to hem a
cambria handkerchief for rich bachelor
she means to sew in order that she may
reap.
Two FIERCE Georgia lawyers recently
a on1OroH xUitnpcc J1nti1 he
tainted.
A MAN wearing three gorgeous breast
pins, but no stockings, recently attracted
attention in Danbury, Conn.
SOME one, in speaking against suicide,
saws, as a clincher, that it is the height OF
impoliteness to go anywhere unless you
are sent for. ~
A DWARF said to giant, "We have
equal rights !'' Very true, my good fel-
low," replied the giant, "yet thou canst
not walk in my shoes" Ditto" said
the dwarf. aa.4.. . te -.s ... r. -.
THE soldiers of the mail escort out
West now travel in blackboard which is
drawn by two stout mules. This is far
better all round than the old way.
A YOUNG lady who "just dotted on
Longfellow," declares she has lost all in
terest in her poems since he lost that race
with Harry Bassett the other day.
"WHY don't you go to sleep ?" said a
mother to her three year-old daughter.
i" I am trying" she replied. :" But you
haven't shut your eyes" "Well, [ can't
help it um comes unbuttoned."
WOULD you take the last cent a person
has for glass of soda water ? Yes"
responded the unthinking proprietor; /;
whereupon hopeful pulled out the cent
and got a drink.
THE St. Louis Globe tells its readers
that louisville mules, after kicking
the countenance off their drivers, calmly
haul the corpse to an undertaker's shop,
where it can be attended to-"
A RHODE ISLAND reporter gives this as
a positive fact: GA young lady, on re-
turning from a walk with her lover the
other evening, raped him on the face and
kissed the door" tt
THE late Bishop of Norwich said,
b" Cheerfulness is the daughter of employ
ment. and I have known man come
home in high spirits from funeral, mere
ly because he had the management of it."
A COUNTRY girl near Louisville has
learned how to utilize her father. When
her "feller" rides out to see her, she
makes the cold man" keep the. flies off
the horse during the visit.
AN old bachelor in Greenwich avenue,
New York, utilized the recent hot weather
by cooking his meals with burning-g glass.
He said the mutton tasted of sulphur,
and the steak was strongly impregnated
with magnesium.
THE Fat ContrS6att0r's Saturday Night
says the meanest man yet discovered lives
in Louisville. He borrows half gallon
of ice water every day, and promises to
return it next winter.
PATIENCE is virtue that one often has
great occasion to use, and he who expects
to get along comfortably through the
world would do well to lay in early a
large stock.
NATURE is the only workman to whom
no material is worthless, the only chemist
in whose laboratory there are no waste
products, and the only artist whose com
positions are infinitely varied, and whose
fertility OF invention is inexhaustible.
"MIKE, why don't you fire at those
ducks Don't you see you have got the
whole flock before your gun 2 u know
l have but, you see, when get good
aim at one, two or three others Will
swim 'twixt him and me-"
A MOBILE young man got up the other
night TO obtain a drink, and mistaking a
Babcock fire extinguisher for the water
cooler, tinkered with it until he received
a heavy charge Of acid on his shirt
bosom He didn't wait for second dose
nor to explain his action to the boss.
ONE of the features of London thea
ter is woman styling herself the Mexi-
can athlete. She holds suspended by a
cord from her teeth two $50 pound balls,
and at the same time 100 pound ball in
each hand. She also shoulders 500
mound cannon. and holds it while round