Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-11-01

wedding cake is always frosted.
Who was the straightest man mentioned
in the Bible Joseph. Because Pharoah
made ruler Of him
Billings says: "There amt anything
that will kompletely kure lazyness, but |
hav known second wife to hurry it sum
Mrs. Partington says that since the in
vention of the needle gun there is 10 rea-
son why women shouldn't fight as we'll as
men.
When lovely woman dons Dolly, and
finds, too late, men don't admire it, she'd
better try some other folly, and to a circus
rider hire it."
An experienced boy says he looks upon
hunger and the Christening rod as about
alike in the effect they produce upon him
Both make him boiler.
A Halifax man married lady the other
day without consulting his grown-up daugk-
tiers. They whipped him, pulled her hair,
and took him home in triumph.
A Danbury man has an interesting heir
loom in the shape Of hat which was worn
through one hundred and eighty two DRINKS,
and still retains traces of its former beauty
Sensitive New England people are accused
of being annoyed because urchins 90 swim
ming about the wharves, whose entire bath.
ing suit consists Of rag around studied
toe.
A Mississippi paper has recently had
correspondent who signed himself 'Methus-
Ella" Another one now goes him several
better and subscribes himself as ''Immor-
tality."
A Louisville horse with the blind staggers
went into clothing store to do his falling
around, and had to be chloroformed before he
would be convinced that it wasn't the place
for him.
A Tennessee sleeping-car, full of SUM
berers, was lately tossed into ditch by
switching train, Nobody was seriously in
jured, but it was some time before identities
were thoroughly established.
Think of the agony of the Lewiston man
who got up before daylight, built fire and
put new silk hat upon the stove in place of
the tea-kettle, and did not find out his mis-
take until it was burned to crisp.
In St. Louis, recently, scoundre tried
to blow up number of sleeping policemen
The vigilant guardians of that town can
hardly rest at night, such is the holiness of
the prowling Williams who invest the place
"Georgie," asked the teacher of Sun
lox, Yah al Exrl Ill IL
shall you wish to see when you get to heav-
NJ" With a face frightening up with an
ticipation, the little fellow shouted 'Gerliah p
M. Prudhomme, in the decline of life,
was talking to his nephew, to whom ne told
stories Of his youth. "But UNCLE" sudden
ly exclaimed the young man. "what struck
you most during your life p "My dear
. boy, it was your aunt"
An Illinois woman went into the river.
on suicide intent, the other day. A lot of
sordid boys on the bank threw mud at her.
Old Ada@-ruse- in her, despairipg, bosom.
She waded ashore, had the boys arrested,
and will see them put through before she
tries suicide again.
The Titusville Press prints the following
recipe: ''To find out the number of chil-
dren in street beat base drum. To find
out the number Of idle men, start dog fight.
To find out the number Of women let wo-
man 60 through asquiet street with the la
test style Of bonnet on"
Between Easton and Leavenworth tn
stage from Oskaloosa crosses the track of
the Kansas Central railway. The driver
considers it dangerous for the narrow guage
cars, and to prevent their being run down
is going to put up warning for the En-
gineers like this: "Crossing-Look out
for the Oskaloosa hack"
Those resolute women who 20 away out
OF the frontiers to live are not to be triAed
with when they get there. A married man
in Idaho tried the little experiment of elop-
ing with fascinating young girl, and his
indignant wife pursued and overlook him,
and having administered severe castigation,
bore him home in triumph.
An old bachelor, who had become melan-
choly and poetical, wrote some verses for
the Village paper, in which he expressed the
hone that the time would come when he
should,
nRest calmly in shroud,
With weeping willow by his side p
-, to his inexpressible horror it came out
in print,
"When I shall rest calmly in shawl,
h,,~o. - j..