The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1872-06-15
HOME MATTERS.
1lE RlES.


pain THIS e''-, hanging MP his tomahswk for
one night IL Ottawa. He threatens to scalp all
MS opponents, and, with that end in view is pro-
fuse IN MS promises. T. Z warns all candidates
That he has been promised the office of night
waterman at TIE Jail by Steve, so that any one
else wko wants his support has got to bid high
er....The town has been lately visited by sev.
erai distinguished characters, "Horris' Greeley,
l. S. Grant and Senator Wilson having register.
ed at one Of our leading hotels. The second
named, with characteristic etfrontry and egotism
appended next President" 10 his name. All of
the aspiranrs agree in one point, they are infer.
nally bad penmen IT b. is bachelor, and a
confirmed 5De at that, and iAis coufrnation is be-
coming Oily more binding, is the first half of
another leap year has all bu. departed. T. BIS
bachelor proclivities were rudely assailed the
other day by buxom young mother, who quar-
reling with her husband pi,eously begged T. B.
to take the baby from the aforesaid husband. T.
b. said mot for Joseph" being mindful of what
the other old bachelor, DR.. johnson, once said
aoeut married couples: They are like pair
ct scissors, frequently divided, but cutting ev-
jars are not the kind T. Z. want. IN his'n IT.
B. is credibly informed that certain enthusias.
tic adInircr Of athletic sports and Of American
psowess, being deeply grieved by the defeat of
the Ata!snta crew by the "blarsted Brtishe,s,'
Is about 10 organize q fresh crew TO pluck back
the laurels from the brows Of the beef Skinned
Englishmen. He enthusiastic admirer) thinks
no g a.
thing, except that they not quite big
enough round, and he il accor nrly SAID to have
his eye upon four well known Falstaffiian gentle
men il thi- city for bis crew. Buffalo Rock
Giant will be cOx-wain 80. The owner OF the
wagon with the shattered pole, who so rueiully
viewed the wreck last Saturday in the Court
House square, thinks be viii hereafter hitch his
horses little shorter 80. II is said the "Snap.
pist has lei! Tor more congenial dimes. This
time Peoria, the city Of the spirit of corn, is TO
be enlightened by his rotuul presence and rubi.
cund coUntenance.. T. b. was forci5ly remind.
cd this week OF the perlous positions which local
editors occupy. IN view 0; tie warning, T. B.
intends 10 foEtify bis sanctum By rendering i.
not only shot-prooi, bu. also, if possible, inper-
'ous TO the more direiul attacks Of an ungovern-
ably angry womans tongue rs With these Oh.
.Iaughts discretion j. very often tie better part
OF valsr. II is intended add to tue Notifications
:~o secret Passages for escapemeut, one to the
roof and the other - the cellar. 4 sixteen poun.
der el-gun-calculated even when loaded
with blank cartridge, To outmatch IN noise any
Angual member hung in the nIdGle-will also
De i2Ghtet 50 A. TO command AL approaches, and
as /. b. who say. tbs, although lie is no. can.
didate II; ctiice, bu, as = friendly Warning has
had better than four year, practice in artillery.
It i to te hoped this will add moral weight to
the ihys'cal defence. Bu. Why al. this panoply
Of war; l. not The pen more mighty than the
sword OF course j. j., because !, cuts deeper
The irrepressite Beemus, in bis frs. issue of the
IHdItHdott, never drr= ming that hell hath no
fury like woman -corned,' allued in feeling
terms TO a wedding in high hfe,7 Of which the
intended bride was a "dashing young widow Of
the srass kind" The following day brought one
OF the species, with streamers waving in the
wind, about his ears, sud o! me, O. N.Y. YOU
ought tove beard Ler rattle Gee. Wilkins,
how she ratified One thing is certain, whatever
kind she was, Beemus was fairly brought to
grass" or, perhaps, the "yrass' was brought to
him. Tony Weller was perfectly right when he
advised his darling Sam to beware Of the wild.
ows, and the only wonder is that Beenus should
have fallen into such palpable trap. . :. At the
German picnic the other day considerable merri.
ment was created-for the outsiders-by the ef.
forts Of an adipose individual of the goose pat
tern in a rompipg game with andkerchief. He
pulled and perspred perspircd and pulled, and
an excited Teuton exclaimed: "Msin Gott. 7
thinks Romeo was dealt -. The co,ored prison.
er now in jail, was brought up for arraignment
the other day in the circuit court. Having no
counsel, the Judge, as usual, called for voluu.
tesr, bat no one offering, the darkey convulsed
the court by saying: 'Just let de case lie dar.n
THE members OF the Republican, corps, like
the men who helped Caesar out of the world, are
all honorable men, but how does that account
for the lady's bifurcated undergarment found in
such suspicious proximity to that journals press
room door?
BooKBINDlNG.-Mr Lutz, he we'll known
okbnder of Ottawa, has NOV, / his establish.
,nent to the rooms IN the third IT " Of Glover s,
Cooks building, cor. Court and n olson streets.