Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1872-11-08
COUSIN SALLY DILLARD.
A s.ory mat must not Die.

A story that must not Die.
"Cousin Sally billiard was written by
Hamilton G. Jones, of North Carolina
nearly half a century ago, and the pub
lie can enjoy hearty laugh over its ex'
quisite righteousness at least once a
year. 1t purports to be report OF the
testimony Of witness in case before
one of the courts of that State, and is as
follows:
A beardless disciple of Themis rises
and thus addresses the court: May it
please your worship and you gentlemen
of the Jury, since it has been my fortune
(good or bad. / will not say), to exercise
in legal disquisition, it has never befal-
len me to be obliged to prosecute so
direfully marked an assault. A more
willful, violent and dangerous a battery,
and finally more diabolical breach Of
the peace has seldom ever happened in
civilized country, and dare say it
seldom has been your duty to pass upon
one 20 shocking to benevolent feelings
as this which took place over at Captain
Rice's, in this county; but you will hear
from the Witnesses:
The witnesses being sworn, two or
three we're examined and deposed: One
said that he heard the noise, but did not
see the fight; another that he saw, the
row, but did not know who struck first,
and another that he was very drunk and
couldn't say much about the skrimmage.
Lawyer Chops-I am sorry, gentle
men, to have occupied your time with
the stupidity Of the witnesses examined
1t arises, gentlemen, altogether from q
Misrepresentation on my part Had i
known as do, that had witness who
was acquainted with all the circum-
stances of the case, and who was able to
make himself understood to the court
and jury, ! should not have trespassed
so long on your patience. Come for
ward, Mr.. Harris, and be sworn.
$50 forward comes the witness, fat,
chuffy old man, leetle corned, and
took his oath with an air.
Chops-Harris, we wish you to tell US
about the riot that happened the other
day at Captain Rice's, and as a good
deal of time has already been wasted in
circumlocution, we wish you to be com.
penduous, at the same time as explicit,
as possible.
Enthusiastically (giving the lawyer
a knowing wink, at the same time clear
ing his throat, Captain Rice he gin a
treat, and cousin Sally billiard she come
over to my house and axed me if my
wife she mount go2 | told cousin
Sally billiard my wife was poorly, being
as now she had touch of rheumatism
in the hip, and the big swamp was up in
the road, there having been great deal
of rain lately, but, howsoevor, as it was
she, cousin Sally billiard, my wife she
mout go. Well cousin Sally billiard
then axed me if Nose he mount GO
told cousin Sally billiard that he was
the foreman of the crap, and the crap
was smartly in the grass, but, howsoever,
as it was she, cousin Sally billiard, Nose
he mout go.
Chops In the name of common sense,
Mr.. Harris, what do you mean by this
rigmarole2
Witness-Captain Rice he gin treat,
and cousin Sally billiard she came over
to my house and axed me if my wife she
mount 60, and | told cousin Sally Dill
lard
Chops-Stop if you please; we don't
want to hear about your cousin Sally |
n;IlarJ or vonr wifa. tell us ahont the |
Gah, ~ R;c.Ss
eW;tnessNWell sir Cantain Rice he
Gin a treat and cousin Saliv billiard she
Came over 70 INV bouse and axed me If
nv Vic and sbe montp't 30
rbonsWWe want IN know abopt the
foLt and Won mnst not nroceed in tbis
rsnsr,;naDt -, S storv 10 Won know anv.
tb;pg hi abont the matter before the cuurt2
W;,ness-To he sure I do.
ChonswWeIl oo on then and tell II
and natb;ng else
W;tnesseWeII Cantain Rice he Gin
. ,raatN
rhnns This /, intolerable Nav II
nleose the conTt I move that the nriso.
- Ia ooYn,ni,,oa Gov oontamnt He
=, he tr;G;ng With the conrt
e9m0 TnnrtCW;tnsss ~ N Won , are before a court
&C ;Ust;ce and nnIsss Won behave your.
- 10 mnra n becom;ng manner Won
'";Ii o ha m cont 70 ;a;I. so heSin and tell me
~ha, mim ~ von MI Lnow Nv about tbe ;gbt at Rice's
W;;nossMWell gentlemen Cantain
p;oa ho o;n ,reof and cons;n Sally
n;I,o I I'd
Court-(After deliberatinp1 Mr.. At.
tornev the conrt Is of the oninion that
're r19v sove ti,na bv latt;ng the witness
IN On in his own way. Proceed. Mr..
= a. . sr;s vi w;tb vonr story but stick to the
ooint
mltnessTl gehtiehen' wen,
captain nice, ne gin treat, anu CUuolu