River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1872-08-30
Joe Stanbury's Baby.


Joseph Stanbury and his wife Esther
were neat, cosy couple in good cir
cumstances, having no children, and
living in nice, clean, tagged alley.
way, called in Philadelphia a court.
Mrs. Stanbury was bit of shrew, as
almost all smart and clearly house.
keepers usually are. She kept her hus-
bands clothing in the best of order,
promptly sewed on all lost or missing
buttons, and her house was uniformly
in apple-pie order. Such excellent
cooking as Mrs. Stanbury's was not
often tasted in plain families of moder-
ate means. Her shrewishness, in fact,
served as piquant sauce to their happy
and contented life; and Stanbury used
to say that a little fretting, once in a
while, was necessary to the health of
his excellent spouse.
At dusk, one evening, Mrs. Stanbury
went out to the hydrant in the court to
fetch pail of water, and returning,
she found an old basket suspended
from the knob of the door, Putting
her hand into the basket she felt some
thing alive and kicking, but SO wrapped
up in rags that no further discovery
could be made without unwrapping the
object. A piece of paper, folded like
letter, lay beside the animated bundle.
Mrs. Stanbury Immediately returned
into the house, and by the light of the
lamp examined the bill ct. 1t was di-
rected to her husband. She broke the
seal and read as follows:
"To JOE STANBURY-Sir send you
the baby, which you will please take
good care of, and bring up right, so that
it may turn out better man than its
daddy. On, Joseph! I've just found
you out; and what a sly old rake you
prove to be. Who would think that
such a sober old spindle shanks could
be such tearing down sinner? The
child is yours-you may swear to
that. Look at tits Joe Stanbury all
over. You deceived me shamefully,
Joe, in saying you was widower; but
do fathers duty by the young one,
and I'll forgive you.
"Your once loved, but now broken
hearted and neglected NANCY.
Up. S.-Don't let that shrewish,
sharp-nosed wife of yours see this note.
Cannon her some kind of story
about the baby or she'll tear its eyes
out"
Stanbury was in the basement kitchen,
quietly eating his supper, and little
imagined such a storm was brewing
over his head. The door of the kitchen
was violently thrown open, and his
wife's voice yelled out:
"Stanbury come up here, you old
villain there's mess for you."
The astonished husband hastily
obeyed the summons.
"Don't you want to see your Nancy?"
cried Mrs. Stanbury, as the meek part
ner of her bosom hobbled up into the
court.
"Nancy what Nancy is that?" says
the husband, in fearful establishment,
trembling in anticipation of matri-
monial tempest.
"Why, Nancy, the mother of this
baby that's been put up at our door,
Mr.. Stanbury Oh, you look very in.
nocent, but just read this note, and
look into that basket. Don't be afraid /;
it won't bite; it's got no teeth, poor
thing. You'll know it; FOR, as the
hussy says, it's just like you all over.
Please goodness, I'll have my revenge
I'll expose you before everybody"
In less than five minutes the Stan.
bury front door was surrounded by all
the gossips of the court-attracted to
the spot by the loud voice of the in
jured wife-to witness the process of
unwrapping the baby. Anxious ex.
pectation sat on every countenance. as
the jealous woman unpinned rag after
rag from the body of the founding, the
vigorous movements of which aston
ished everybody.
at is full of the devil already; that
shows it is genuine chip Of the old
block. You'll see that it is like him
in eyerything-in short stanbury all
over"
At last, all the swaddling clothes
being removed, out darted the baby in
the shape of large gray cat, sewed up
in straight jacket The sudden
charging Of Madame Stanbury, to.
gether with the wailings and ludicrous
struggles of puss to get free, caused
roars Of laughter among the spectators,
in which poor Stanbury at first family
Joined. But when he saw that his wife
relished the joke, his mirth was hearty
and boisterous.
Pussy was adopted into the family,
and ever after went by the name of Joe
Stanbury's baby.