The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1872-06-07
SNAIKS AND BABIES.
From Josh Binings' spice Box,
STRIPPED SNAKE.

STRIPPED SNAKE.
The striped snake IL one ov the
shPperyest jobs natur ever turned
loose.
They travel on the lower side ov
themselfs, and kan slap out ov sight
like blowing out a kandle. They
were made for sum good purpose,
but 1 never have been informed for
what unless it was to have their heds
smashed.
They are Fed tew De innocent, but
they have bad reputashun, and all
the innocence in the world wont kure
a bad raputashun.
They liv in the grass but seldom
git slept on, bekaaze they don't stay
long enuff in the right place.
When I wuz little boy, and wore
naked feet, and waz loafng around
loose for strawberries, waz often
times just a going to step on stri-
ped sDaIk, but it alwus kured me oV
strawberrys.
If a striped snake got into 10
akree lot before did, always kon-
sidered that all the stFawberrys In
that lot belonged to the snaik.
'Fust cum, fust sarve" wuz nay
motto. @
[ am just afraid Nv Snaiks now az
i waz 40 years ago, and if should
liv TO be az old az Nebudkennezer
waz, and go to grass as he did, one
striped snaik would spile so akres
Of ,,oO Y,ocfurC fOT. mo
Wimmin don't luv snaiks emmy
more than lido, and I respect her foI
this.
How on earth Eve waz seduced by
n snaik IL fust class mystery to me,
and if hadn't read it in the Bible
would bet against it.
[ believe every thing thare IL III
the Bible, the things 1 kant under
stand I beieve the most.
I would not swOp oph the phaith
bav got for any living mans know
legde.
l wouldn't buy farm at half price
that had striped snaik on it.
Ded snaiks are a weakness with
me; I always respekt them, and
whenever l see O dead one In the
road, don't drop a tear on him, but
I droC another stone on him, for feaI
he might alter his mind, and cum
tew life agin, for a snaik hates ten
die Just as much as a kat duz.
l never kould account fer a snaiI
hating tew die so bad, unless it waz
bekauze tha was so poorly prepared
r deth.
BABYS.
Babys Iuv with all my heart; they
are mi sweetmeats; they warm up my
blood like a gin sling; they krawl in
to me and nestle by the side of mi
soul like a kitten under a cooking
stove.
I hav raised babys miself and ]
know what I am talking about.
[ hav got grandchildren, and they
wass the fust krop to riot among the
feelings,
If could have my way, I would
change all the human beings now
on tie face lev the earth back into
babys at once, and keep them thare,
and mako this foot stool one grand
nueserv; but what [ should do for
wet husses, I don't know, nor do
care.
wou d like tew hay Is babys now
on mi lap, and my lap amt the han
dyest lap in the world for babys, nei-
ther.
My lap IL long enuff, but not the
widest kind Nv a lap.
I kan hold more babys in my lap
at once than any other man III
Amerika, without spilling one, but
it hurts the babys.
l never saw a baby IN my life that
I did not want tew kiss; 1 am wuss
than an old maid in this respekt.
I hav seen babys that have re-
fused to kiss until they had been
wasn't; but the baby want to blame
for this; neither waz /.
Thare are folks in this world who
sav they don't luv the babys, but yu
kan depend upon it when they wuz
bab7s somebody loved them.
Babys luv me, too. 1 kan take
them out of their mothers arms Just
az eazy az an unfiedged bird out on
hiz nest. They luy me bekauze
luv them.
And here let me say, for the com
fort and consolashUn Ov all mothers
that whenever they see me on the
cars or on the steamboats,. out Ov &
lob they needn't hesitate a minnit
! few drop a clean, fat baby into m
lap: will hold it and kiss it, and b'
thankful besides.
Perhaps thare il people who dom
envy me all this, but it IL one OF the
sharp-cut, well-defned joys ov my
life, mi love for babys and their love
for me.
Perhaps there il people who vii
call it a weakness, don't care wha
they call it, bring on the baby. I'm
kle Josh haz always a kind word nac
a kiss for the babys.
[ love babys for the truth thare i
in them. amt afraid their kiss Wi
betray, thare IL no frauds, ded beat
nor count erfits among them.
1 wish I wuz a baby mot only Oncl
more, but forevermOre.
JOSH BILLINGS.
A clever old lady, apparently jus
arrived on a train from the country
entered one of the refreshmen