Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1872-01-14
HUMOROUS.
AIOafor is, comparaaveIy speaking,
hataar than q Inaf


that SINGS II hs is a star performer
his name should be SiriIs.
New York has q Celestial Palace
store. TIE angels Of the place are
represented by very coEpulsnt dolls
| waiting for clothes.
Some one says: "TO write with ef-
feet, skill in punctuation = a~scessaEy-"
~ sPPi1Ss % 81 S&sss ~rssi5E.
alton is what Is required.
A branch Of art that has ft5 pr0aes-
sors in New York, Is the drawing Of
designs upon the mirror in ressau-
rants with soap. O1e advantage Of
this style Of art is that Il viii wash.
"WiH you give me them pennies,
/ now ?" said a big ueTsDOy 10 a little
one, after giving him q severe hump
ing. mo, I WON'T" exclaimed the
little one. HThen pll give YOU an
other pounding" "POuud aWay;m me-
and Or. Franklin agrees; d.. Frank
lin says: Take care Of the pence and
the pounds will take care Of them
selves"
For a sensational paragraph we
would r commend the headn-: stTbe
Emperor OF Russia and the Dgmi-
Monde" It would not much signify
that tie paragraph Itself would merely
tell how the Emperor, VIXEN Madame
Pasca recently appeared At 81. PeteTs-
burg IN a play called the "Demi-
MC4dG," had twice gone behind the
scenes Of the thesteT ID compliment
her upon her success.
A Kansas billiard fable f. thus de-
scribed: "Fir5t, in the middle o. the
floor was an enormous large box; On
which was laid acOut a wagon lead Of
sandstone, covered with about eight
yards OF blue jean. FOE pockets they
had old boots; for cues they used old
broken hoe handles; boiled eye for
balls, and 10 count lhis lovely game
they used dried apples or a clothes
line"
At q Sunday school i1 New Or
leans, a class teacher, with q view to
impress upon the iitt- ores ta- com
ing ThaDksgivlcg .iU HCt the ques-
ton, What nlpIT,zlE day Ei. uccur
during the coming WelEs' Wl-s WIS
her astOni5hment 70 suddenly see a
bevy Of diminutivs specimens ariss
quickly 10, and with Cce accord ex-
claim; "The great prize feat between
Mace and COburn viii come of on
Thursdayv'
Many a mortal who has piscidly
sacrificed sleep to listen 10 Tire gentle
song OF the mUsquit0, WiiI Fai1ice to
know exactly what place That persist
ent insect occupies in the economy Of
nature. Those who have dared 20
question whether there was q PUP
pose In its creation will forever hold
their peace after learning that a med
ical saVant has discovered that ever
is checked by the loss OF tns blood
which the midnight visitor 80 sgOth-
ingly extracts. This iszs comforting
as the assurance that b0ii5 zre healthy.
We learn from 2 scientific Journal
that there are, In all the oceans Of the
world, 1882, 000, 0O5, 600. 900 tons OF
saltl Our " opinion nas always
been that there we're Just fourteen
ounces less than this; buE some chem
ical changes may have taEs1 place
since we were down al the shore last
summer. At any rate, we would Ds
inclined TO give way t. the opinion OF
this scientific person, who, Of course,
lsdied the whole concern GuE and
weighed il before he announced this
result with such po5i- vE1ass. We
cannot be too thankful 20 thee people
for the trouble they take to furnish Us
with items.
London cOErs5D9nde1t writes: A
curious custom has CFept into the audit
forum o. uEeatsrs-Or, may say, has
been smuggied la. The Cfhsr night,
at one Of the most impressive mo-
meats at our mGst issni0adois gheacer,
one Of most f-lstijtuls ClLiEaus
undertook in the most de5Hczes man
neF to make his way on his tip toes 70
a lady In the dress circle. The audi
eBCe was as silent &c the grave. Just
a5 he reached the seat he irCd Uoeu e
concealed dog, and q voilsy Of sharp
ri yi's vas lat OF; but horror OF nor
ro-s, 1t Tas echoed and rs echoed
frOm all parts Of the house, and Tor a
few moments the dog chorus was deaf
ening. II appeared that every sixth
lady had a poodle under her seat.
Some time ego our cid friend Prot
AgassiZ informed the public that Nj
sgsrS Falls will wear aHey 20 exactly
eleven thousand years. Or course 10
reputable person doubted that the
Professor spoke the truth; bat it VIII
hardly be believed mat g uau up in
NOrristOWn has sctualiy Written TO
the paper to say that he lot only
questions the truth Of the assertion,
but he has made 2 note Of Is; and g.
at the expiration Of tins said eleven
thousand years, he finds that the
Falls have not wOTn away, he intends
to express his opinion OF the cid man
plainly and iorcibly. And we believe
he will do 1t; for everybody who lives
In NOrristOwn Snd reads tls papers
published there lives several thousand
years longer than we do down here
Those journals have kind OfsOOthing
and paeifying effect upon the reader
which is conducive to excessive lon
gsvity.
Smith Is a favOrite name in Indian
apolis. One enterprisiug woman has
been married five times, s1d mas en-
ded, as she began, with the deliqhtul
name. She was bern Smith, married
first q Smith, then q Schmidt, next q
Smyth, next q Smithe, ana 6ualiy q
Smythe. She says she does il for
economy. She never has TO alter
more than a couple ofIstteTs on her
dOOr-piate, and she can keep the man
at the marble yard emitting one kind
or another Of Smith On tOmbstones
right straight along On standing or
deTs. The next man she moves for
will spell his name SmidiZ. He got
into the carriage while she was on her
way home from Smitbe's funeral, and
proposed to her, and she blUshed and
said she was sorry, bat the fact was
that Smythe had asked her while in
the cemetery. "But / viii tel you
WhatI will do, Mr.. Emidtz; pu Give
you the next chance" She seems to
have q fOnGBsss for that name and it
deserves such admiration, for 10 Is
full ofsweetness and p0etTE sad VigOr,
and wild, mysterious music,
A California scientist declares that
he has prolonged his life by sleeping
with his fnger-tips touching hts toes,
and has invented 4 machine 30 hold
the body in that graceful and pleasant
position. He coutands thai tbs yftal
electric currents sre thu kept in even
eircumhOW, instead Gf being lhF wn
of at the exuemities aud Ta5ted.n
We have for many years recognized
the important 1act that our vital cleo.
trio currents are wssted-absolutely
thrown away, in .fzct-5ecsgss,
through some unfortunate oversight,
We were Constructed strsightCUt in
stead Of in a kind OF ring. But We
have advocated the propriety Of
sleeping with the feet tied around the
neck, rather than held in the hand, as
the best method OF giving the current
a chance. The trouble with this, as
with the other plan, is that it IS apt to
induce restlessness at night: so We
recommend those who desire to pros
long life to have q teiegrapbic wire
tied totheir toes, run around the earth
like the equator, AID fastened BY thsl
other end to the head or nose. This
secures . perfect circuit and a comfOrs
table sleep, unless q thunderstorm
happens to strike the wire sOmsEhars
along the route during the watches Of
the night, In which event the sleeper
viii probably wish be had adopted
the other plan.