Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1872-07-27
FISSYG RA MS.

In consequence of eating the green
lit now exposed for sale in many Of
uu. streets, our obituary columns will
be filled with such paragraphs as I'VE
had little harley once, Il would not
live always, etc, etc, thereby putting
money in our pockets.-Ph.ladsiph.a
I,is-rup1
The Fort Wayne Sentinel makes the
following cheerful announcement A
coffin room has been established on
Wavne street, in the rear Of the Senti-
Ne. building. Any one feeling like at
tacl,ur the editor will save his relatives
trouble by coming around that way and
c,ing his box.
WHAT wonderful piece Of work is
man. and what marvellous small thing
ma, upset his equanimity. His knowI-
ed ye that single, lonely unprotected
bcd-b bug is prowling about may keep
him cursing all night instead Of sweetly
r,posiug in the arms OF that mythology
cal bed fellow, Morpheus. a man in
church in Ioviugtou, Ga, was so di'
turbed by = very small bug beneath his
waistcoat, q Sunday or two ago, that II
required nine brethren to hold him still
while q search was made for the rash III.
,rudiug insect At least So says the Sa'
yaunah News.
A Milwaukee lady who had been
greatly annoyed 10y mischlevous urchins
who rang her door bell and then made
off. made bad mistake>one afternoon,
recently. She lay in wait for them; and
soon came step on the porch and Wig
orous Jerk oil the bell She cried out :
Il see YOU, little rascal, and caught tho
umresisting figure by the coat collarand
shook him vigorously, when her strength
WAS nearly exhausted, and hoarse with
excitement, she discovered TO her hor-
ror that it was the diminutive minister
of the church, very red i'll the face aud
very short of breath An explanation
followed.
A Western paper accuses 3 contem-
porary of dirty meanness, and re-
marks: 1--WE want him TO understand
that two can play at that game.
A lightning exchange commences An
item: AS We go to press man nam
ed Sullivan is being run over by pony
engine on the railroad "
A Louisville man, says the lndianap-
oils Evening Journal, very drunk, fool
ed a rattlcsuakc which he found on tho
common, by letting it bite him fifty
times. a snake is fooling away itstimo
in biting Louisville man. They are
not afraid of snakes down here until
they get him into their boots.
Here is a specimen of unique adverti-
sing "rhe author of the song Tell
Fancy Bred is informed that il can be
procured at the city bakery, kept by
Mr. Martin Rcccndcrs.
Atahiornia newspaper prints the
following touching obituary "Phihp
Ilansbornb was driving team loaded
with powder up the Sierra Nevada
mountains One Of the kegs dropped
from the wagon The Sierras stood it
wen enough, but the miners who cano
from neighboring ranch were unable
10 ind Mr. llanscoub or the team.
An exchange says "Ole Bull, when
young, attempted suicide, and now he is
the best yiolinist in the world. There
is young man in our neighborhood
who PLAYS the accordion, aud he il not
a success Probably if he were to at
tempt suicide he would learn much fast
,r Should he succeed in his attempt
at suicide, We would be just as well sat
isfcd.
An anecdote is related Of a pleasant
faced manufacturer in one of our Nes-
tern cities, the point Of which was seen
10y clerical brother. Mr. C, hay
ing accumulated 4 goodly supply OF that
the love Of which is "thcroot ofall evil,
betook himself to a neighboring village,
where the people were engaged in the
laudable effort OF supplying themselves
with church accommodation. MIR. Z.
proverbially generous promptly, and
largely aided both his own and other
denominations, until his pocket t-book
and stock OF patience became pretty well
depleted. Yet the Episcopal brethren,
in spite Of repeated retusals, made for
obvious reasons, persisted in their aP-
peals for aid. Finally the excellent rec
tor, subscription paper, in hard ventur-
ed TO attack the citadel Of C-s be-
neyolence and green-backs. After as.
signin. reasons why he could not con-
tribute, C added: "You know,
my good Sir, You don't reeogniz. our
people (the Meth6dists) as regular
church, and wont admit even my beloy
ed pastor into your pulpit 1t would
be hardly the thing, therefore TO offer
YOU subscription" "Ah" said the
rector, apoloS,titally, ''but, my dear
Sir. we could not; it IL against the Can
on of our Church" We'll, then, re
Piled c., with hisaccustomed blunt
ness, find your own ammunition 10
fire your ennon with - Al which tho
rector retired. and the lsyinan observed
that be bal male saving of powder III
one direction, at least.
(; In Petersburg, Va, the temperature
Il indicated by It's effect upon paper COL
lars. 1t is now reported at three collar
heat
The man who was s0 economical as tO
bury his family in a perpendicular posi-
ton TO save land was not freesoiler.