American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1872-12-21
ANANIAS PULLWOOL.

A certain fallen angel (polIteness 70
ward his numerous and influential friend
forbids me TO mention his name abruptly
lately entered into the body of Mr.. Ana
MAS PullwoOl. of Washington, D. G.
He had been a lobbyist, and he remained
lobbyist still, but such a different one
so much more vigorous, eager. clever
and impUdent. that his best frie' Ids IN
could be said TO have any friends) scarcely
knew him tor the same PullwOOl. His IA
fingers were in the buttonholes of Con
, gressmen from the time when they pu
those buttOnhOles on in the morning Il
the time when they took them off at night
! He lOg-rOlled bills which nobody else be
leyed could be log-rollet, and he pocket
ed fees which absolutely and point blank
refused to go into other peoples pockets
During this short period of his life he was
the most successful and famous lobbyist
IN Washington, and the most sought at
ter by the most rascally and desperate
claimants of un' awful millions.
But, like many another man who has
the Devil in him. Mr.. PullwOOl ran his
luck until he ran himself into tronble. An
investigating committee pounced upon
him; he WAS put in confinement for re-
fusing to answer questions; his filchings
were held up to the execration of the en-
vious both by virtuOus members and a
virtuous press; and when he at last got
out of durance he found it good to quit
the District of Columbia for a season:
Thus it happened that Mr.. PullwOOl and
his eminent lodger took the cars and went
to and fro upon the earth seeking what
they might devour.
In the course of their travels theF r.
rived at little State, which may have
been Rhode Island. or may have been Con
necticut, or it may have been one of the
Pleiades, but which, at all events, had
two capitals. These capitals were called
Slowburg and Fasrburg. For some hum
dre,ls of years Qet us say five hundred, in
order to be sure and get high enough)
Slowburg and Fastburg had shared be-
tive, them. turn and turn about. year on
and year off, all the gubernatoriai and leg
islative pomps and emoluments that the
said State had to bestOw. On the LIST OF
April of every odd year, the Governor,
triumphantly entered Slowburg observe,
Slowburg-read his always enormously
long message there, and convened the leg
islature there. On the 1sr of April of
every even year the same governor, or Il
better one who had succeeded him, went
through the same ceremonies in Fast
burg.
Such was the oscillation of grandeur
and power between the two cities. 1t was
an old-time arrangement, and like many
other old-fashioned things, as for instance
wood fires in open fireplaces, it had not
only its substantial merits but its superb
ancient officials were obliged to pack up
hundreds of public documents and expe-
dite them from Fastburg to SlOwburg, or
from Slowburg back to Fastburg. Every
year there was an expense OF few dol
lars on this account, which the State treas
. urer figured up with agonies of terror,
and which the opposition rOared at as II
the administration could have helped it.
4 But advantages seesawed with disad-
Ivantages. In this double-ender of a State,
political jObbery was at fault, because it
had no headquarters. 1t could not get to-
gether a ring; it could not raise corps of
lobbyists. Such few axe-grinders as there
were had to dodge back and forth betwe en-
the Fastburg grindstOne and the Slow
burg grindstOne, without ever fairly get
ting their tools sharpened. Legislature
here and legislature there; it was like
guessing at pea between two thimbles !;
you could hardly ever put your finger on
the right one. Then what one capital ia
vored the other disfavored: and between
th.m appropriations were kicked and
hustled under the table the grandest of
railroad schemes shrunk into waste-paper
baskets in short, the public treasury was
next door to the unapprOachable. Such.
indeed, was the desperate condition OF
LOBBYISTS in this State, that, had it con-
, tanned a single philanthropist of the adj
,vanced radical stripe, he would surely have
brought in a bill for their relief and en-
coursgement.
Into the midst of this happily divided
community dropped Mr.. Ananias Pull
wool with the Devil in him. 1t remains
to be seen whether this pair could figure
up anything worth pOcketing out of the
problem Of two capitals.
IL was one o the even years, and the leg
islature met in Fastburg, and the little
citv was brimful. Mr.. PullwOol with diff
ficuity found place tor himself without
causing the population to slOp over. OF
course he went to a hotel, for he needed
to make a. many acquaintance as posi-
BILE, and he knew that bar was perfect
dollhouse for ripening such friendships as
he cared for. He took the best room he
could get; and as soon as chance favored,
he took better one with p3rlor attached;
and on the sideboard in the parlor he al
ways had cigars and leeanters. The result
was that in week or so he was on JOvial
terms with several senators, numerous
members of the lower house, and all the
members of the third house." But lob
bying did not work in Fastburg as Mr..
PullWool had found it to work in other
capitals. He exhibited the most dazzling
double-edged axes, but nobody would
grind them; he pointed out the most at
.ractive and convenient of logs for rolling
but nobody would put a lever to them.
s.What the doose does this mean:f he
at lat inquired of Mr.. Josiah Dicker. a
cigars and drunk quarts out of his decan-
tiers. IL don't understand this little old
legislature at all, Mr.. DECKER. Nobody
body has the spirit to try to make any. And