Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1872-08-08
Humorous,


gates are loaded down with them on
fine evenings"
A CHICAGO dry goods dealer adver.
tises "The most alarming sacrifices
since the days Of Abraham and Isaac"
MRS: SHoDD1 puckered up her mouth
genteelly and told gentleman friend
that one Of her lovely daughters was
"bluenet" and the other q s.bronzel"
JOSH BILLINGS says: "Give the devil
his due reads we'll enough in proverb;
but what will become Of me and you il
this arrangement is carried out7'
A LrTTLE girl wanting fan, but not
being able to remember the word, said
"she wanted thing to brush the flies
off with"
i" I WILL preach from dat part of de
Scripture dis evening"" said a colored
dominic, "whar de 'postle Paul pints
his 'pistle at the 'phesians.
"THE whole thing has gone to the
devil, " said q gentleman of some unfor-
tunate speculation. "Never mind,:.
said Jerrold, you'll get it buck when
you die" .
JOsRPH, of virtuous memory, seems
to have been the first victim of the
Dolly Warden mania-only his gar
ment was simply called coat of many
colors.
THERE is nothing like good defini-
ton. as the teacher thought when he
explained the meaning of "old maid ="
as woman who had been made a very
long time.
A WE'LL KNOWN journalist went up to
one of the United States Marine Band.
and asked: ''Parlez vous Anglias 7 .
" Yer sowl to the devil why not Z"
asked the marine.
ST. LOUIS has two sisters-a stone
cutter and an undertaker-one of whom
addresses new "Dolly Warden tomb.
stones" and the other calls particular
attention to her "Dolly Warden Cask-
ets."
A LITTLE girl went into drug store
the other day, and said to the proprie-
tor in hall whisper: If little girl
hain't got no money how much chewing
gum do you giveher for nothing2"
81 NEVER saw such cold woman as
Mrs. --i s," said an envious beau
ty of another the other evening. II
feel quite confident that she must give
her husband cold in the head when
ever she kisses him."
Mrs. MEFM," said visitor, s:Em.
ma has your features, but I think she
has got her fathers hair" "Oh, now
I see," said the "dear little Emma :"
its because I have fathers hair that
he has tn wear a vi0n
A GENTLEMAN was fretting about the
loss of an overcoat and umbrella that
had been stolen from his hall, and
petulantly said, Beside, it's such
waste of the articles, for the thief is
pretty sure to 60 at last where he will
need neither Of them"
A CELEBRATED poet, writing to an ed.
itor, proposed to supply HIM with any
length Of lines, and for any occasion.
The reply was practical: "Send me
a hundred yards Of lines strong enough
to fish for conger cells, and that viii
bear the tug of porpoise, as am 20
ing to the Isle of Wright for weeks
fishing"
A DISAPPOINTMENT: Eligible Bache.
lor (gallantly). cot course your
daughters engaged for every remaining
dance, Mrs. Jenes2 I need scarcely
ask such question I"
Anxious Mamma (delighted). No.
indeed, dear Sir james,
Eligible Bachelor. "Oh-er-I amir
Punch.
A CLERGYMAN in a Lawrence church.
on q recent occasion, discovered. after
commencing the service, that he had
forgotten Lis notes. As it was too late
to send for them, he said to his au.
dience, by way of apology, that this
m orning he should have to depend upon
the Lord for what he might say, but in
the afternoon he would come better
prepared.
CARPKH7m's duty is plane,
cobbIcr for food sells his sole;
Tie barber who ne'cr crossed the main
stu pesses from poll to poll; |
The brickmsker, bloodthifsty eli, |
TO ki!n's been addicted Of old
The p1!terer goes for the pelf;
An elders - Oft young ~ old;
The weaeher-cOck mskers are vain
~ me vanes they expose NO the blast;
Inc oeIlows-man ne'er will refrain
from blowing his wares to the last
!awyers existence is brief;
"a, a printer 'g.inst vice should be proof:
the BUILDER viii soon come to grief
VINO commences to build ut the roof;
Inc miller makes millions from mills;
In oil trades can money be made,
But newspapers suffer from bills
winch seldom or never are paid.
By squall in the Delaware Bay, last
u kSl