Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-09-20

HUmOr.

A rare fower-the pink of politeness.
A head-dress quite out Of fashion-Wo
manhood.
The ''bump of destruotiveness'-A rail
road collision.
The boy that MIXED a dry COW has gone
to peddling pumps.
Music is the food of love- beef and NUT
ton that Of matrimony.
'Do right and fear not,n is what the
girls say to their correspondents.
"You'er queer chicken as the hen
said when she Matched out a duck.
If man doesn't take care Of No Il pc.
will soon have to take care Of.
When is beau's arm like the gospel !?
When it maketh glad the waist places.
The individual who got off good thing
has been endeavoriDg to get it on again.
A secret has been defined as "anything
made known to everybody in whisper
"Cleanliness is next to godliness." Ifthat |
is SO, cake Of good soap is then 3 poor SER
mon.
Early rising was ence an indication OF
.hr;ft Int now it indicates that man is
thirsty.
Which can travel the fastest-heat or
cold WHY, heat, you duuce Anybody
can catch cold.
Who was the straightest man mentioned
in the Bible? Joseph-Because Pharoan
made ruler Of him. NJ
Mrs Partippton say- that since the in
uont;on of the needL-gun there is no reason i
, aJu, women sb,dldn't fight as well as men.
p;,,;n.s says: 'There amt ennything
.h..'Miil kompletely kure lazyness, but
-nave known a second wife to hurry it sum-"
A Wisconsin minister awoke his slumber.
ing charge by vehemently saying, "Deacoa
IT,. wake up; the best Of the sermon is to
come"
If you will look into the Grant o,gans
YOU will find that all ''our colored elbow
citizens" are for Grant, and all The "nig-
gers'' for Greeley.
"sir, 1 will make you feel the arrows of
my resentment"
"Ah Miss, why should Gear your ar
rows when you never had a beau?
An old bachelor at wedding had the
heartlessness to offer the following toast
"Marriage-the gate through which the |
happy lover leaves his enchanted regions
and returns to earth.
"Can you tell me, Billie, how it is that
the rooster always keeps his feathers so
smooth I"
"Now
"He always carries bis comb with him."
"Can you change twodollar bill ~
said an impecunious drinker to a bar
tender"
eyes"
"Well, when I get a two-lollar bill I'll
bring it i'm
Mrs. Partington says she don't see what
they want Of grand jury. She thinks that
q common jury is grand enough as her hus-
band felt SO grand when he was on jury,
that nobody dared to speak to him for
month afterwards.
A young lady, in the kitchen making a
pie, said to her cousin, who was hanging
around, Crank, the kitchen is no place for
boys. Has dough such an attraction for
you ~ sit isn't the dough, cousin, but it is
the dear that attracts me-"
"Have you the Exile of Siberia here Z"
asked lady a few days since, of clerk in
q bookstore.
'No, ma'am,'' was the answer, "hain't
got no egg lie, but we've got prime arti-
Gle of bars lie, If that'l answer"
Counsel (to witness y CHOW, sir, what is
the character Of the plaintiff in this suit p
Witness "Her character is slightly matri.
monial." Counsel "What do you mean
by slightly matrimonial character !" Wit
ness HShe's been married seven times"
A gentleman was promenading fashion,
able street, with bright little boy at his
side. when the little fellow called out.
10, Pa there goes an editor !"
"Hush, son." said the father; "don't
make sport Of the poor man-God only
knows what you may come to yetE'
A Young gentleman Of our acquaintance
the following pun yesterday:
1--we discovered new city,"
~