Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1872-11-14
Mark Twain In London,


A LARGE proportion of the fifty or sixty
persons present did not know that any
distinguished guest was present until this
unusual invitation to fill glasses was given.
The necessity of repairing to the theatres
has made it the rule that there shall be no
toasts or speeches to prolong the dinner,
except at Christmas or anniversary ban
quet. All now set themselves to know
what was up. Toole then said: "We
have at our table Mark Twain" At these
words roar of cheers arose, and for some
moments the din was indescribable.
Toole then proceeded in a penitent way
to confess that for year or two he had
been cribbing from Mark Twain in a way
that must now, he feared, suffer humili-
atiDg exposure. When now and then he
had indulged in an innocent 'sgag," he
had had friends rush to him behind the
scenes or on the streets with "Toole, that
was capital; your own, l suppose?" Now
invariably when he had been so greeted
the thing happened to be Mark Twain's
So all he could say was: "Oh-ah-well
-ahem-glad you liked it." He could
not exactly make out how it was, but
when he did put in bit of originality, his
friends seemed very rarely to come and
inquire whether it was his own or not
1OOiC UCiCAChlhtl lhhOCcht
look is always amusing, but his fooling in
this speech was unusually funny.
When Mark Twain arose, the contrast
between him and the clever, comic actor
beside him was singular. The one is
small, with jolly, blooming counten-
ance, full of quickness, eye ever on the
alert; the American tall, thin, grave, with
something of the look of a young divinity
student fallen among worldlings. Being
one of the Savages, l have the happiness
of laying before your readers Twain's
speech, of which the Londoners are in
hopeless ignorance, but, alas, it loses
much by being transferred to paper. In
its proper setting, related to its immediate
environment, and delivered with a SOL
emn and dry suavity, quite indescribable,
it struck others present besides myself as
the best after-dinner speech we had ever
heard. The speaker had on full evening
dress-swallow-ta coat, white cravat,
and all that-to wear which to the club
dinner calls down upon the wearer con-
siderable chaff, until il be meekly apol-
ogized for. The fact will explain the
opening sentences of Twain's speech,
which were uttered with depreciating
lowliness.
"Mr. Chairman and gentlemen" he
began, 'it affords me sincere pleasure to
meet this distinguished club, club which
has extended its hospitalities and its
cordial welcome to so many of my coun-
trymen. hope"-and here the speakers
voice became low and fluttering-"you
will excuse these clothes. / am going to
the theatre; that will explain these clothes.
have other clothes than these. Judging
human nature by what have seen of it,
l suppose that the customary thing for
stranger to do when he stands here is to
make pun on the name of this club,
under the impression, of course, that he
is the first man that that idea has occur
red to. 1t is a credit to our human ma
ture, net blemish upon it; for it shows
that underlying all our depravity (and
God knows, and you know we are de-
praved enough) and all our sophistica-
ton, and untarnished by them, there is a
sweet germ of innocence and simplicity
still. When a stranger says to me, with
glow of inspiration in his eye, some
gentle innocuous little thing about Twain
and 'one flesh, and all that sort of thing,
don't try to crush that man into the
earth-no. feel like saying: Let me
take you by the hand, sir; let me embrace
you; have not heard that pun for weeks.
We will deal in palpable puns. We will
call parties named King your majesty,
and we will say to the Smiths that we
think we have heard that name before
somewhere. Such is human nature. We
cannot alter this. 1t is God that made
us so for some good and wise purpose.
Let us not repine. But though l may
seem strange, may seem eccentric, mean
name of this club, though I
could make very good one if
had time to think about it-a week. I
cannot express to you what entire enjoy
ment l find in this first visit to this pro-
digious metropolis of yours. Its wonders
seem to me to be limitless. go about as
in a dream-as in a realm of enchant-
ment-where many things are rare and
beautiful, and all things are strange and
marvellous Hour after hour stand-I
stand spell-bound, as lit were-and gaze
upon the statuary in Leicester square.
Great aughter-Leicester square being q
horrible chaos, with the relic of an eqCes-
trian statue in the center, the king being
headless and limbless, and the horse in
little better condition. l visit the NOR
tuary effigies of noble old Henry the
Eighth, and Judge Jeffreys, and the pre-
served gorilla, and try to make up my
mind which of my ancestors / admire the
most. go to that matchless Hyde Park
and drive all around it, and then / start
to enter it at the marble arch-and-am
induced to "change my mind" lCabs are
not permitted in Hyde Park-nothing
less aristocratic than private carriage.
cit is a great benefaction-is Hyde Park.
There, in his hanson cab, the invalid can
go-the poor sad child of misfortune
and insert his nose between the railings,
and breathe the pure. health-giving air of
the country, and of heaven. And if he is
a swell invalid, who isn't obliged to de
pend upon parks for his country air, he
can drive inside-if he owns his vehicle.
l drive round and round Hyde Park, and
the more I see of the edges of it, the more
grateful am that the margin is exten'
sive.
s'And / have been to the Geological
Gardens. What a wonderful place thai
isl l never have seen such curious anC
interesting variety of wild animals in any
garden before, except 'Mabille." / nevel
believed before there were so many differ
ent kinds of animals in the world as yoI
can find there-and / don't believe it vet
have been to the British Museum.
would advise you to drop in there SOM
time when you have nothing to do-fo
five minutes-if you have never beel
there. 1t seems to me the noblest monu
ment that this nation has yet erected t
her greatness. ] say to her, our greatnes
as nation. True, she has built othe
monuments, and stately ones as well; bu
} these she has uplifted in honor of two o
three colossal demigods, who have stalk
ed across the worlds stage, destroying
tyrants and delivering nations, and who's
prodigies will still live in the memories o
men ages after their monuments shal
have crumbled to dust-I refer to tn
, Wellington and Nelson monuments, an
the Albert memorial.
Sarcasm-The Albert memorial is th
finest monument in the world, and cele
3 brates the existehce of as commonplace
person rs good luck ever lifted out of OF
scurity.
: 'The library at the British Museum
find ri aotnrnl;pr houa roai