Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-02-09
HumOr.

HumOf.
A reliable piece of furniture-A deter
mined stand.
Nebraska has an Editor SO lazy that he
spells wife, yf.
What is the worst seat man can sit on
Self-conceit.
Why are policemen never run over Be-
cause they are never in the way
No wonder all lawyers are so much alike
They pass their lives in following suit"
The Superintendent of the Invigoratory
department is the last name for bar-keep-
er.
A hen-pecked husband, who had married
his wife because she was handsome, declar-
ed that ga thing of beauty was jaw forev-
er"
An old lady upon taking her first ride in
the cars, remarked, when the train ran off
the track, "You fetch up rather sudden,
don't ye p -
Putting and blowing are not Synonymous
for if you puff up man he is pleased,
whereas. if you blow him up, he is ION the
contrary quite different"
Joeh Billings says: ''If man haz got
so thousand dollars at interest and owns
the house be lives in, it amt much trouble
to be philosopher
One who is, perhaps, little too cynical
says that the majority of country preachers
could burn quito as well as the old religious
martyrs, they are SO dry.
'Your Dress" said husband to his fash.
ionable wife, will never please the men,
81 don't dress to please men," was the re-
ply, ''but to worry other women''
A teacher. catechizing his scholars put
the question "What was made to give
light to the world ?" ''Matchesv' cried
one of the youngsters, after short pause.
Daughter-"Well, to tell the truth, l
did not think much Of the close Of the SER
mon." Father-''P Probably you were think
ing more of the clothes of the congrega.
ton.
A Dutchman who was elected to his State
Legislature thus gives his opinion Of it: -
"Ven vent to de Lechilature, | fought I
would find dem all Solomons dere, but soon
found dere vas some as pick fools dere as
vas.'
An old lawyer says that the three most
troublesome clients he ever had were
young lady who wanted to be married,
married woman who wanted a divorce,
an old maid who didn't know what she
wanted.
A very modest young lady, who was a
passenger on board packet-ship, it il said,
sprang out Of her berth and Jumped over
board, on hearing the captain. during
storm, order the mate to haul down the
sheets
4'Do be frank" said young Mr.. Smith
to Miss Francis, who had been quizzing him
for an hour. but, John, | have been
Frank twenty-five years, and should like
to try some other name, for change" was
the arch reply. "No cards."
''Sambo, mY..massa always trabble; yours
ebber stay at home" "Dat berry true,
Jim /; but you kno' what the proverb saws
''Rollin' stone gadder no moss" mo.
Sambo, but it gadder polish and dat 'ere's
qualification your massa stan berry much
in need OBJ"
'.Do you know said Miss higgins (for.
ty-three and spare-to spare indeed y "L
am oh ! such sensitive, nervous. timid
thing / am Indeed !" s'That SURPRISES
me-" I said. "Oh but it's true, really I
am frightened at my own SHADOW ?" ..That
does not surprise me" exclaimed. -]udu. |
Ma, | am going to make some soft soap
for the fair this fall said beautiful miss
OF seventeen to her mother the other day.
What put that notion into your head, Sal
lyT why, ma, the premium is Just what
have been wanting Pray, what is it :? |
"A Worcester farmer | hrpe he will be . |
good looking one.'
A city exquisite, having become agricuI. !
aurally ambitious, vent in search of farm
and having found one for sale, began bar.
gain for it, The seller mentioned az one If
its recommendations that it had yery cold
spring on it. "Ah-aw!" said the fon. ~
won't take it, then, for have heard that a
cold spring ruined the crops last year. and |
don't wait place with such drawback
upon it,
A Yankee ia Texas, who sat listening to
the stories of Louisisnian, in regard to the
marvellous growth of sugar.esne on his
plantation, near New Orleans, finally said.
THAT amt nothing have seen cane in
New England more than mile long Pr
"What sort of cane was % was the in
quiry "a hurricane = answered the tr-