The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-08-09
The aemofrat.
FRIDAY.-.....................AUGUsT 0. 1872.
sCIssoRHEGs.

Common suer-IIawyers.
Woman's Rights-Husbands.
High notwithstanding
A "Word" to the Wise-Remair
so.
Beauty without grace is hook
without bait.
The fixed stars and pen, ink and
paper are all stationary.
To Gamesters-Never play nj
cards by gas7light-use Hoyle.
What Columbus did-a notion
crossed him, and he crossed an
ocean.
A man that don't know anything
Will tell it the first time he gets a
chance.
Motto for some of the item COL
umns-"The scissors are mightier
than the pen.
An English paper says that lyce-
ums and pies do much prevail in
Massachusetts.
From a Benedict-The best
Bachelors Bin" When he's bin.
gon and done it.
This saying is ascribed to John
Brown; cit is u mighty big thing for
man to do all he can"
Panch says that it is very natural
Tor man to feel eirlish when he
makes his maiden speech.
When it rains pudding you hold
up Your dish; but don't spend YOUR
time watching for shower.
An ambassador is an honest man
sent to lie abroad for the common
wealth.-Sir Henry Walton.
Moderation is the silken strino
running through the pearl chain Of
all the virtues.-Bishop Hall
The Brooklyn Eagle says that grav-
1ty IS no more evidence of wisdom
tnan paper collar is of shirt.
How would you speak of a man
wis VISA an excessive bore? Would
you not call him Hyperborean?
Emerson says, and says well: eff
you have cold, or have had fever.
or sunstroke, or a thunder stroke
never speak of it,
You never know a man until Won
have got into scrape with him. and
can see whether he is willing to take |
his fair share of the blame.
Two shoemakers, out in companv
were asked their profession. Saws
one OF them, Il practice the heeling
art. "And /, % says the <other
labor for the good of mems soles.''
A widow who has married and lost
five husbands remarks: "Widowers
never die of grief; although crushed
to the earth by their sorrow. like
truth. they rise again and revive"
A Washington paper says: "Some
OF our young men on the avenue
don, t look as though they were made
by the hand of Providence." Did
ANYBODY ever accuse Providence of
this?
A contemporary thus sensibly
talks: How young men can consent
to loaf about the corners as tbev do
when good dose of strychnine can
be bought for sixpence, is really sur
prising."
A young lady would like to know
II PartmoHy IS the property be-
queathed to her by her papa. what
IS that left by her late-lamented
mamma? Why, Matrimony, of course.
you sly one ,
Here is the last wittlcism from the
hall: Il say, Billy, General Y
Grant plays big game of billiards 4
What game does he play, Backus?''
why he plays the poker game of
course"
=, A freshman exhibiting a very sour J
rilous letter which he had received
to a friend. Friend remarked D
This is anonymous" "Yes." saws .
treshy, ''it's the most ANONYMOUS
hing ever saw" T
A lady said to her husband in a,
'eroid,s presence, MY dear, YOU c..
want some new trowsers. ae
NO, think not" replied the hus. Sr @
band WELL" said Jerold 81 fa
hlnk the lady who always wears qu
hem, ought to know. y,
Weston, the celebrated walker tn
ecantly made application in an Iowa be be
ourt for divorce from his wife Vi, VII
'ut the lady was on hand with an dy
nsWer to his bill, and Weston with.
rev his suit, adding another to the =
lst OF his many failures. N,
-
:: A clergyman in Ohio caps the /
llmax OF public rhetoric. In speak ha
lg OF the passage of the Red Sea mi
e says, 1.-The pillows reared as Gods saI "a.
and pulled back on the crystal bits. /" II
he preacher must have been sub- at
'cS TO the nightmare. a1 II"
Smith and Jones were at the men .ng sns
3erle, and the conversation turned be
pom Darwin's theory. "Look at Del
lat monkey said Smith, "tbink of in in
$ beng an nndeveloped human /"
Human. said Jones contemptuous-
:, its no more human than 7 am y J