Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1872-05-02

Ever distant fro0 NE, waking,
4ver nsar ne IN NJ dream.
Pith and Point.
Fo11ow love and it will fee; fee love
and it will follow thee. =. @t
THER1's one thing that can always be
found, and that's fault.
A PARTY hearing Of dog after Land
seer, wanted to know what he was after
him for.
WHY are the plain-spoken people like
Q knife that won't cut7 Because they
are blunt.
WHEN Charles Lamb visited the
Litchfield Cathedral, his guide told
him that three men once dined upon
the top of the steeple. "They must
have been very sharp set" !" said Lamb
JONES asks: ''lf small girls are
waits, are large ones waifers3 Ger
tainly," says sweet sixteen, "at least
the boys have q habit Of applying them
to their lips in sealing their vows"
A YOUNG lady was looking ct : pic
ture representing pair of lovers in
boat, with the arm of the lover gently
enfolding the waist of his dulcinea,
when she innocently remarked, ''How
natural!"
A LADY entered Q drug store and ask
ed for = bottle Of "J.ne's Experience"
The clerk informed her that Jane
hadn't bottled her experience yet, but
they could furnish "Jayne's Expecto-
rant" 49,
A1AD1 in Atlanta tied her husbands
hand and feet the other day. Just for
fun, and then vent through his pockets
for a certain bllletdoux, and found it.
His physicians tell him that his face
won't be badly SCARED, though he may
remain bald.
A rH1cK-HAIREO squire, being worsted
by Sidney Smith in an argument, tolk
his revenge by exclaimiug: eff had
sq . sGn who a: was .nl an id,ot' ! by 5ove I'd
ably, " replied Sidney, ''but I see your
father was of different mind"
A WESTERN lawyer who tried to COL
lect bill. wrote to his clients thus:
Gents-You will never get any money
from Bill johnson. The undersigned
called upon him yesterday, and found
him With nary tile, his feet upon the
earth, and not clothes enough on him
to wad a gun"
The scratched face of an elderly citi-
zen who has young. handsome and
rather vain wife, ia accounted for rs fol-
lows: my dear" she said, "people
say walk like an Andalusian- Do you
think soe" "All but the An" was
the brutal reply, whereupon she went
for him. ->-.
PROVIDENCE has hit right for once.
On the night when the revivalist Ham,
mond closed his labors at Atchison,
Kan, the lightning struck . building
where q "gathering of infidels " was in
session, while 1895 feet away, in the
Methodist church were 1000 persons
singing the praises of Jesus" But
nobody was hurt.
THE latest autograph story is . good
one. Somebody wrote and re-wrote to
Gen. Schenck, our Minister to Eng
land, asking for his autograph. The
General is said to have responded as
follows: "Sir, I hasten to comply
with your request, and take this meth
cd of informing. you that you are an
unmitigated nuisance! R. G. Schenck. "
DURING Prof. Rust's first visit to the
"Nursery," at Louisville, he proposed,
among other things, to give the little
ones . lecture on the 'Five Senses."
which was done to the apparent salts
faction of all, except ono little fellow,
who remarked, ON the Professors re-
tiring: Il hain't seen nothing of them
nickels yet"
A "MAa1c1Ax" was displaying his
powers in Texan town, . few days ago,
and introduced the familiar trick of
pretending to load pistol and then al
lowing spectator to fire at him. The
spectator, not to be outdone in sleight-
of-hand, managed to drop . bullet in
the barrel and killed the luckless ex-
hibitor of hand. Practical joking has
evidently been reduced to . science in
in the Lone Star state. The grim
humor of this jest cannot be sur
passed. >syi& -.
A. 1RAvE1KR in Paris, having occasion
for q hair cutter, sent for one. At the
appointed time IN elegantly -attired
person arrived, and the gentleman sat
down before his dressing case to pre-
pare for the operation. The man
walked round his "client" once or
twice, and finally, taking his stand at
some distance, attentively scrutinized
the gentleman's face with the air of o
connoisseur looking at picture.
"Well." :" said the traveller, impatiently,
"when are you going to begin7' s. Par
don me, sir, was the polite reply, II
am not the operator, but the physiog
nomist ~ "Adolphe!" he cried out,
and sleeved aud aproned barber en-
tered from the hall, ga Ia Virgil!:
With this direction :sto the model after
which the gentleman's hair was to he
arranged, the artist retired.