Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1872-06-13
SNAIkS AND BABIES.
From Josh Billings spiee-Ro,
STRIPED SNAKE.

pervest jobs that natur ever turned
/ loose.
They travel on the lower side ~
themselfs, and kan slip out ov sight
/ like blowing out kandle. They wera
made forsum good purpose, but never
have been informed for what, unless Il
waz tew hay their beds smashed.
= They are sed TO be innocent, but thew
hav got bad reputashun, and all the
/ innoc. ice in the world won't kure
bad rel utashun.
They live in the grass. but seldom oft
slept on, because they don't stay long
enuff in the right place.
/ When l waz a little boy, and wore
naked feet, and waz loating around
loose for strawberrys, l waz often
times just a going to step on striped
snaik, but it alwas cured me ov straw
! berrys.
If a striped snaik got into ten-acre
lot before | did, | alwus considered
that all the strawberrys in that lot be.
longed tew the snaik.
Fust come, fust sarve," waz mi
motto.
am just az afraid of snaiks now all
waz 49years ago, and ii | should live
teY be az old az Nebudkennezer waz.
and go to grass as he did, one striped
snaik would spoil 30 akres ov good pas
ture for me.
Wimmin don't luy snaiks emmy more
than do, and | respekt her for this.
How on earth Eve was seduced bv a
snaik IL a fust-class MYSTERY tew me,
and if / hadn't read 1t in the Bible
would bet against it.
belea~e everything thare IL in the
Bible, the things | kant understand |
beleave the most.
| wouldn't swop oph the phaith |
hay got for any living mans knowledge.
Snaiks are ov all sorts and all sizes,
and the smaller they are the more am
atrade ov them.
| wouldn't buy a farm at half price
that had a striped snaik upon it.
Ded snaiks are a weakness with me:
| always respekt them, and whenever |
see ded one or the road, | don't drop
tear on him, but drop a stone on
him, for fear he might alter his mind
and come tew life agin, for snaik
hates tew die just az mulch az kat
duz
/ never coult acRount for a snaik ora
kat hateing tew die so bad, unless it
waz bebauze they waz so poorly pre-
pared for deth.
BABYs
Babys luv with all hi heart, they
are mi sweetmeats; they warm up mi
blood like a gin sling; they lrawl into
me and nestle by the side ov mi soul
like kitten under cook stove.
[ hay raized babys miself, and kno
what / am talking about.
| hav got grandchildren, and they
are wuss than the fust krop tew riot
amung the feelings.
II | could havmy way, | would change
all the human beings now on the face
ov the earth back into babys at once,
and keep them thare, and make this
footstool one grand nussery; but what
| should DO for wet muses. | don't kno.
nor | don't care.
/ would like tew have - babys now
on mi lap, and mi lap amt the handy
est lap in the world for babys, neither.
Ny lap IL long euuff, but not the
widest kind nv a lap.
am good deal Nv q man, but /
konsist ov length principally, and when
make lap ov miself, it IL not mat
trass, but more like a couple ov rails
with iiut in them.
/ can hold more babys in mi lap at
once than any man ia America, without
splitting one, but 1t hurts the habys.
I never saw baby in my life that
didn't want tew kiss: am wuss than
an old maid in this respCEt.
I hav seen bahvs that have refused
tew kiss until they had been wasn't
but the baby want tew blame for this
neither waz i.
Thare are folks in this world who
say they don't luv babys, but WI kan
depend upon it, when they waz babys
sumbody loved them.
Babys luv me, too, | kan take them
ont ov their mothers arms Just ez eazy
az kan an unfedged bird out ov hlz
nest. They luv me bekauze luv them.
And here let me say, for the comfort
and consolashun oy mothers, that
whenever they see me on the cars or on
the steambote, out ov Job, they
needn't hesitate a minnit tew drop
clean fat baby into mi lap Will hold
it, and kiss it, and be thankful besides.
Perhaps there IL people who don't
envy me all this, but it IL one ov the
sharp cut, well-detined joys ov mi life,
my love for babys and their love for
me.
Perhaps there IL people who will call
it a weakness. don't care what they
call it, bring on the babys Unkle Josh
- ALWAYS kind word and kiss Tor
babys.