Clarksville chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 186?-1872, 1872-11-23

till the ceremony was all over when
jumped up and bellered:
II forbid the thing from being con-
stitutedl F"
you are little too late, my friend p
says the preacher and they all com.
menced laughing like they seen some
thing very funny.
I'll be durn squizzled ef I don't
be soon enough for somebody yit "
says |, for was mad, Squire. and no
mistake in the ticket do believe |
could have eat up that doctor quicker
than hungry dorg could swallow a
squirrel skin, eff | could have had a
fair chance at him. 1t was too bad
after / had fixed up to marry her my
self, for her to walk right out before
my eyes and marry that great baboon, Z"
It was bad, that is a fact" said L.
Bad replied he. "Itwas mean
er than eating fried coon. / first tho't
I'd go straight home, but then con-
cluded that wouldn't spite nobody. so
| determined to stop and see eff /
couldn't get satisfaction out of some
body.
You know Tn the devil to get my
self or somebody else in a scrape when
/ take notion, and I'd taken one
that night that went all over me like
third day chill, so / commenced
studying out some plan. / recollected
hearing the doctor say that where
lie came from (but the Lord only knows
where that was the bride and groom
always washed their faces together be-
fore they went to bed as acharm
against infidelity, imbecility or some
other long words. While | was study
ing / saw the doctors saddle-bags set
ting in a corner, so | waited until they
went to supper, and then / got the
bags and looked to see what / could
discover Nearly the first thing l saw
was piece of lunar caustic. l slip
ped it in my pocket, for | had plan
as soon as l saw it. Well 1 watched
around till | saw one of the girls go to
the water pail with a pitcher, and /
went out and asked her what she was
going to do with it. She said she was
going to carry it into the room to the
doctor and Poll to wash their faces.
/ kept talking to her while she was
filling the pitcher, and when she turn
ed her head away dropped the caus-
tic in it. 1t was then about bedtime,
and got my hat and put out, but 1
could not help laughing all the way
home whenever I'd think about it.
well, Squire, they do say when
that couple walked up next morning
they both had the hardest kinds of
fits, each one thinking they had been
sleeping with niger. Oh, it was
rich He was cussin' and tearing
up things, and she screaming and
fainting, and coming too, and going off
again, and me not there to see it |!
They made such an ungodly racket
that the folks broke into the room to
see what was the matter, and found
their faces and hands as black as the
inside of stovepipe. I'd given half
my interest in the other world just to
have been in some safe place where l
could have seen the whole row. As
soon as they found that they were real
ly the same folks that were married
! the night before, they called for warm
water and soap; but just then the doc
tor happened to think about the pitch
er, and took it to the door to see what
was the matter. There was a little
piece of caustic that had not dissolved,
and as soon as he saw it he said:
ITS no use washing, Polly, all the
soap in New York can't wash that
black off
"That was the truth, Squire; soap
and rags had no more effect than it
would on a native negro to get white
again. | never found out, but one
thing l do know" he concluded, get
ting up to go, "the next time | saw
the doctor had the hardest fight, and
come higher getting whaied, than ever
| did in all my born days