The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1872-05-16
All S0ris of Par ..rapilS.

All Sorts of Par .sfapiiS.
-"My wife" said critic, "is the most
even-tempered woman in the world-she is al
ways mad"
"A printers devil in an Omaha office was
bitten by dog few days since. The dog lin
gered several days and then died in great ago.
ny.
A Omaha paper advises the people "not
to make such fuss over the shooting of one
constable, as there are over forty candidates TOR
the Office"
An editor out West advertises to take corn
in pay for his paper. He says he prefers it in
a LIQUID state, but will take it in the ear If he
can't get it otherwise.
- An old bachelor at wedding feast had
the heartlessness to offer the following toast:
"Marriage-the gate through which the happy
lover leaves his enchanted regions and returns
to earth."
Somebody has been fool enough to waste
good ink in printing book entitled Lectures
to Married Men," just as though they would
buy that which they get for nothing every
night at home.
= She lived life of virtue and died of the
cholera morbus, caused by eating green fruit,
in the full hope of blessed Immortality, at the
early age of q years, 7 months, and 16 days
Reader, go thou and do likewise.
= A temperance lecturer, being seen coming
out of a tavern wiping his lips, effectually dis
armed suspicion by explaining that he had a
severe toothache, and only went III to get
Glove to put in his tooth.
If six men eat ten apples, how many
pumpkins can four COWS eat? Multiply the
ten apples by the four cows, and divide the re-
suit between the six men and the pumpkins.
The true answer will be the amount.
1t is said that many people owe their long
lives to their fannels, and it is known fact
that external preservation from damp prolongs
life, and that even in the hottest days in sum-
mer, flannel garments should not be discarded.
A Germasl, while crossing the Alleghany
Mountains during the winter states: dat ven
going up de mountains his foot slipped him on
the ice, and he COON down on the broad OF his
back, nit his face sticking in de mud, and
dere he stho0d."
During tile examination of witness as
to the locality of the stairs in house, the
counsel asked him which way the stairs ran.
The witness, who, by the way, is a noted wagg
replied: zone way they ran up, but the other
way they ran down."
: A lady who loved Bulwer entered book
store Just as one of the clerks had killed large
rat. ri wish to see What Will He Do With
It?" said she to boy behind the counter.
"Well." said the boy "if you will step to the
window, you will probably see him sling it into
the back lot"
= The Danbury Ncws tells of lady strang-
er who accosted little shabbily-dressed lad in
that town: "Where is your home, my little
son ?" she asked "I hain't got no home," he
answered. SCOT no home% she repeated, the
tears standing. in her eyes. "No, marm,' said
be, equally affected; 81 board"
"A Mississippi paper tells very refreshing
story of young lady who, on graduating from
school, went home, hired few colored laoorers,
and went to farming. The result of the first
seasons experiment was six hundred bushels OF
corn, large quantity of potatoes, and S969 re-
allied from the sale Of COTTON after all the ex-
penses of the year were paid.
The season of ice cream being close upon
ns. it may be proper to call attention to the
fact that number of German newspapers are
discussing various cases of poisoning by vanilla
ice cream which have occurred of late in differ
ent European cities. There are many opinions
as to the source of the poison, but all agree
that the cool delicacy is sometimes poisonous
= Lately at Chicago picture gallery q
country couple were observed to stop entranced
before picture of Lord Ullin's Daughter y
in which the dropping form of said daughter,
as the boat was tossed about by the waves was
represented as being upheld by the stalwart
arm of her lover While the male portion OF
the rural pair gazed in silent admiration, the
female was heard to innocently murmur, CHOW
natural"
josh Billings never said better thing
than this: 81 hev allurs observed that whin-
ing dog is sure to get lickt in fight. No cur
of we'll regulated morals kan resist the tempta!-
tion to bite cowardly purp that tries to sneak
off with his tale between his legs: The whinin
business man is just so. A good ringing bark
is wurth more to put greenbax in mans pock-
ct than forty years of whinin."