The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1872-05-16
HIGGINS AND TH[E WIDOW.

HIGGINS AND THLE WWOW.
One Sunday Higgins came into my Office and
sat down without 8, word. For some minutes
he still, watching me intently as if he was
trying to make out by the sound of my pen
ayahatsI was writing.
.reEspSquire, said he at length, "did ever tell
lyon about my scrape with the widow Horny, up
here on the river?"
. stNever did," said I, laying down my pen,
'1et's hear it, 2 =
ssThey're curious creatures, widows is" said
Re ini a meditative tone, "and the more you
study about 'em the more you don't know any
thing about 'em. What was this thing Pve
read. about in Egypt, or some other country,
that nobody could nnriddle ?"
"The Sphynx, probably" 1 replied.
"a sssWell," he, continued, that was widow as
sure as you ever had granny. Everything
else in the earth has been found out but them,
ard they'reas much a mystery to-day as the
length Of the North Pole.
ssYou may read the history of the world from
Genesis TO- Revelations, and you'll find that
widows has been at the bottom or top of five
quarters Of all the devilment that's been cut
MP. Was you ever in love with one?"
aLots of them," said l.
"You're great gander-that's what you
ara said he. ga man that loves one and gets
over It wont never git bit by another, if he's
got as much sense as ground hog. l don't
consider that Pve got'any sense at all, but Im
q little grain too smart to let another of them
ret all tie trumps on ME- The widow Horny
sthat'I was speaking of, is little the handsomest
woman, l reckon, that ever looked man into
fits, and ought to be judge, for Pve seen lots
of pretty women in my day. She was about
twenty-five. years old when I went up there to
h1oopo Of bor hoontu opd
full of deYiltry as a three year old mule colt.
There was a ball over at jenkins, and, of course
Iwent, for always so where there's any fun
going on, and generally act the fool before get
oaway, of course ts--
'sfhe widow was there, dressed as fine as Sol
emen's lilies, and flying around as frisky as a
young lamb in arye patch. 1 got introduced
TO her and asked her to- dance with me, and
when she flashed her eyes atme and said "yes," !"
! jumped up like had set down on hot grid
die. You may talk about sensation, but when
she took hold of my hand and sorter squeezed
it, felt sensation as Dig as,a load Of wood,
and it kept running up and down my back like
a squirrel with hawk after him.. Pm very
fond Of dancing, but I'll be hanged if L know
whether Fenioyed it that night or not, for ev
cry time She took hold of. my hand I'd com
mencs feeling curious behind my ears and up
and down my back again, and then wouldn't
know whether l was on earth or in balloon,
or on comet, or anything about it. 1t was
undoubtedly case of love at first sight, and a
powerful bad case at that For wonder gos
through the frolic without making myself con-
sspicuous or cutting up any extras, as Pm in the
habit of doing when go into public. I'd set
my pegs to go home with the widow after the
hall, but just as was fixing my mouth to ask
her, up steps big, long, leather-taced doctor,
Tx nd ad horr rirht off hefn
INV eyes,. That riled me little, but kept my
tongue still, inwardly swearing to break his
bones the very first opportunity that presented
ITSELF, Isaw there was no use in saying any1
sihing, SO went home and went to bed, and all
the rest of the night was dreaming about
lainbows, angels, butterflies, fddles widows
and doctors, mixed up worse than Dutch
-inan's dinner
s.s@Well, Squire, to make short story of it,
Il made up my mind to have the widow, or kill
myself, or somebody else.
$50 I made it convenient to be on hand
where she was, upon all occasions. I couldn't
cat nor sleep nor work, and II the thing had
held on, wouldn't have had sense enough left
to skin rabbit. But was determined it
shouldn't last long, for I'd been fooled so often
by women that l thought wouldn't give her
time to think of anything but me. She ap-
peared to take to me right sharply and the doc
tor seemed inclined to mix in with me, but
didn't consider him no more than brush fence,
for was so far gone thought she could see
nobody on earth but me- Well, Squire, things
ewento1 so for about a month, and one Sunday
/ screwed up my spunk and put the question to
her. She sorter laughed and sorter looked one
sided, and finally told me she couldn't give me
an answer Just then, but if I'd call al her house
next Thursday evening, she'd give me final
--fI,t ,s,.lDc Jrrcf
there's fiddler below. Whenever woman
takes time to study she'll say yes. Squire,
don't the poets say something about the calcu-
lation OF men and rats going crooked ?"
"Mice and men, Burns says" | answered
'"Well mice and rats is all one, and so is
men and fools sometimes, as have found out
IN my. travels was 50 sure she would have
me I went off and spent all my money for fine
clothes; Ihinking i would have them ready for
the wedding-and did Confound that widow,
Iisay Confound all the widows! Thursday
evening came at last though it was long time
about it, and over / went, dressed into fits, and
feeling rs big as Josh Raynor did when he was
elected coroner. / got there about dark, and
.sound a right smart crowd collected, which was
not on the bills, but felt as big and as good
ay the rest of 'em. So marched in like a
blindmule into potato patch, and took seat
by the fire. / didn't see anything of the widow,
but kept looking for her to come in and send
for me, and passed away, the time by cussin'
the crowd to myself, thinking they had no bu-
siness there, and would not get to talk to my
woman bit. Presently the door opened and
in walked Polly and that long legged Doctor,
and whole team of boys and girls fixed up
savagely, / tell you. looked around for a fid-
dler, they were going to have ball, but won
dered what they all kept so still for, aud was
about proposin' reel, when up gifts little
preacher, and before you could swallow live
oyster, he had Polly and the Doctor married
faster than Mexican greaser could tie bulls
horns. was so completely fummuxed that /!
set there with my mouth open like was goin'
to swallow the whole crowd, and my eyes looked
Ike billiard balls till the ceremony was over,
,..Lax, L :urarad nm and hnllnyued