The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1872-08-23
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Euu-MORous.

nine eggs. The owner Of the lien says |
he cannot tell Il lie--shc done it with
her little hatch It. This, no doubt, Is
one Of the privileges of leap year.
A ycnng lady in Germantown nam
"a her cat "Ihomas VSrden." She
wanted to call 1t dolly. Warden"
Tut circumstances over which she had
no control would not permit.
afna Prodigy.-Why is your hair
40 gray, mamma? NtDmm.-Well.
beSaue you are such naughty girl
sometimes. Infant Prodigy.-Wlnt
naughty child you must have been.
Poor graMlma's hair is quite white!
Tile most gallant man ever heard Of
il one VIII" ntrainel from kicking a
dog that had bitten him, heeaAse it
was a female dog, III it wasn't for
your SEX" said he, "l'd kick yom
head off,
A young man who recently took I'M
to hiIA ,elf wife. says he didn't find
ii half SO harl to get married as lie
did to get the furniture.
An lrishman having been told that
the price of bread had lowered, OK
claimed, "Ihis is the first time ever
sejoiced at the tall of my best friend"
II am speaking" said a long-wind-
I'd orator, for the benefit of posteri-
iy." "Yes." said one of his hearers,
-'and il you keep on much longer,
your audience will be here
"Kepatomeataterin This was
the note sent by farmer to the school
teacher, in the potato-digging season.
10 explain his boys absence from
sctool.
Papa-'.I am sorry to hear, though,
my dear boy, that you hive failed
again in obtaihinga prize this quarter.
You must have been very wooden
hcsded." Dear bOy--''Ycs, papa. I'm
afraid I'm chip Of the old block
There is a man employed as porter
on railway who brags of having a
watch that keeps correct time. lie
was heard to remark not many morn
ings since, upon pulling ont his watch,
II the sun amt over that hill in a
nlinnit and a half, he will be late"
4 clergyman in one of the interior
towns of Massachusetts lately forgot
Ills notes on sabbath morning, and
as there was not time to send for them,
lie said to his audience that this
morning | shall have to depend upon
the Lori for what may say. but in
the afternoon shall be better prepar-
ed"
.Spinks is not going to do any more
in conundrums. He asked bis wife
why he was like a donkey, and she
said because he was born SO; and lie
says that the answer is very different
from that.
A Goliah's sworl, about ten yards
long. was recently found in Prussia.
The guard or hilt Is protected by
AerpeHtine bar twenty inches in length,
And on the blade there are hooks,
probably for dragging the enemy off
hil horse.
An Indian in Detroit visited an ice
cream saloon. The F'rce Press says:
The first taste set all his teeth jump
ing. and the next ono satisfied him
that SOME one had put up a job OH
him. He handed it to the boy with
instructions to warm 1t up. The boy
melted it on the stove, and the Indian
seized the dish and drank the sweet
milk at one g',lp, and then licked the
jilA.'
a colored preacher in Sparta, Ga,
sOIne time ago, was heard TO say in
funeral sermon of deceased brother:
He FamillAtes no longer among us
he haye exoterate,l from the syllo-
gisms OF this worlds discrimination,
and when he gifts to de cold dry streem
of de River Jorlin the Kerosines and
Tho peripllenes will meet him dare to
feS him over on dry land to the syl-
lerstesing city,"
This IL the way they call out the
figure Of reel in Arkansas: ''Dance
to the gal with the yellow shawl; now
down outside and up in the middle !;
turner to your partner. Isaac Snach.
and now to that entire stranger !;
Sacliez to ase right and left; ra dcfan,
ia dit de; now to Peter Schwitchalls
slaughter; turn to your partner, every
one; set to the girl with tile flaring
frill; balance one and spin about to
fhe girl with hole in the heel of her
cooking"
A colored philosopher tlnls unbur-
dened himself of one Of woman's
weaknesses
"Jim. de men don't make such fools
III desnselves about de women as de
women do aboat de Rsen. Ifdey look
at tive moon dcy see man in 1t. II
ley hear a mouse nibbling. it's man;
and dey all look under de bed the last
thing at night to find man. Why, ]
neber looks under my bed to find
man. why, neber looks under my
he'd to find Il woman, do you?"
Old I.ady-Can YOU tell me my
good man, where can find Mr..
J mes?
Pat-Sure. ma'am, Iexpect It would
be ut his house you would find him.
Lady-DOes he live anywhere in
shis street?
Pat-Sure. no, indade! It's not
for the like OF him TO be livin' in the
direct at all.
I.aiy-You stupid fellow! mean
what number does his family stop at?
Pat--Now nn'am, you have me.
lie has six boys and four girls; but
whether he mealis to stop at that
number | can't say.
I.atly-Oh! you blOckhead!
Exit old lady IN tremor Of iDdig-
natiOn.
kHI..,,, tho V-niV F,lIa dooa r. aU.or pi.o