The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1872-03-16
VARIETY.

Mr.. Meyers. OF Indiana, undressed in ten
seconds with the assistance of a revolving shaft
IN mill.
A bookseller in Portland named Hall l.. Davis,
does not wish English cockneys to take liberties
with his name.
Husband If an honest man is Gods nOblest
work. what is an honest woman?" - His rarest,
DEAR the uncivil reply.
A Young student wants us to tell him if Wo =
c-e-s-t-e-r spells Wooster why R-o-c-he-s-t-e-r
don't spell Rooster?
Said Bloggs the other day when applied to for
& loan Of ten dollars, - have only five lending
tens, and they're all out"
Isn't it a rather disagreeble occurrence when a
Young mans suspenders give way, while he
dances n shottische with young lady who never
wants to sit down.
LAsrING-An Irishman, on hearing of a friend
having stone coffin made for himself, exclaimed
'' Be me soul an that's good idea. Sure and
Stone coffin 'ud last man a Lifetime
No OrHER-A little boy embodied his thoughts
on tlaclaSy in words thus - L don't see how
the deal came to turn out so bad when there was
no Othe- devil to put him up to it.
a Providence policeman asked drunken
Ethiope whom he could scarcely see in the dim
lights of n cell. . Are you cOlored?' 9 Colored
no, dis yer chile born sO.'
Barnum has a cannibal girl on exhibition in
New York. Parties visiting her with the view
of seeing her eat required to furnish the
missionary themselves.
a Vermont lady, in writing about Alexis
called him the - Noble Russ" but it SO happened
that the intelligent compOsitOr - up her
poem, and rendered it the - Noble Kuss."
A little girl asked her mother what made her
hair 50 gray. - It's because you re SO naughty,
her ua said. What a naughty girl you must have
been ma grandma 5 hair is white.
"Misortunes never come SINGLE"
And : like birds Of a feather
Are always printed together
\ New York Justice told a witness Young
man. if YOU speak in that way again this court
will forget its dignity and punch you in the
snOOt-"
Never mind the obituary, judge" said a
Montana culprt when the court became pathetic
in pronouncIng the sentence; - let's fix the time
for the funeral"
Horace Greeley wrote: Women now manage
most of the public Libraries in Massachusetts,
and the compOsitOr read it =. Women now
worry most of their public babies by mastif-
cation"
a Sunday school teacher - out West" upon
,, inauiring Of one Of his Juvenile pupils what he
had learned during the week, was electrified by
the answer that he had - learned not to trump
his partners ace
So you are going to keep school?' said a
Young lady To her maiden aunt. . Well, Tor my
mart, sooner than do that l would marry a
widower with nine children - l would prefer
that myself, was the quiet reply - but where s
the widower?''
An Iowa gentleman recently foiled in his
IaudabIe purpose of committing suicide by the
reprehensible conduct of apOthecary, who
gave him prepared chalk for arsenic, and the
might-have-been widow threatens to sue the said
,hF1Tr fTr,r EfUIp fa lSa rra-
tences-
A Wisconsin man was taken dangerously sick.
He sent for his wife to come at once and care for
him Now the wife's mother was sick, too, and
she sent this despatch 70 her langushing husband
Dear Tim, mother is sick; | can't leave her.
Do the best you can. II you die, send your body
home"
HIS FIRST EFFORT.-An editor in Illinois hav-
ing engaged a new reporter, received the follow
inc a. his first effort - We arc informed that the
gentleman hoo stood on his head under pile
driver for the purpose of having tight PAIR oil
butes druv on. shortly afterward found himself IN
Chiny, perfectly naked and without a cent IN his
pocket
\ little boy who loves to pass his evenings in
the stores and listen to the improving conyersG-
ton of the elders while helping himself to sugar
was told the other night that hereafter he must
stav at home. II wish man. he said.
And what would you do if yOu a man ?''
asked his mother. Il would get married, and
then could 20 to the stores every evening"
\ correspondent of Kentucky paper, euIogiz-
inc the virtues of newly-married couple, de-
clared: ..He hath achieved maid that paragOns
descripri0n'- The bride not being up 10 big
words took down her Webster, and thus trans
lated ..He hath performed female servant
that surpasses recitation. The author carried
bis head in a sling for the next ten days.
\ lady school teacher in Omaha, having an in
ordinate dread of small pox, sent home a little
girl because she said her mother was sick and had
marks on her face. The next day the girl ap-
peared at the school house with her finger in heI
mouth and her little bonnet swinging by the
strings and said to the teacher, ''Aiss --,
we've got leetle baby at our house, but mother
told me to tell you n isnf cdtchiH'.' The teacher
said she was glad, and told her pupil to take hei
seat.