The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1872-05-17
Humorous.


! | ----------------- q =. L-
Achap who rooms up above the caves
trough impertinently remarks that all
though the Baturalists make no mention
Of India-rubber birds, he has seen doves
that were gutter-pefchers. . yo
The CAristidn Sscretary quotes a re.
mark made by Connecticut sheriff
"If any man seriously doubts the Bible
doctrine of human depravity, 1 only
ask that he be sheriff Of this county for
one year" ''A. '
AMichigan Indian attempted to open
a can of nitro glycerine with his toma-
hawk. He got itopen and Immediately
hurried away, with the exception of
one arm and thigh bone. Nothing has
been heard of him since.
In a case recently tried at Bristol,
England, the recorder, after listening to
the testimony, has briefly summed up
the case in laconic "address to the
tjury"--probably the curtest address of
the kind on record-"Gentlemen of the
jury, which of the parties has spoken
the truth ?" .I.E.H H-a.
A paper having been asked "What is
the best treatment to prevent the devel-
opment of hydrophobia in dogs?" re-
pliesthat if the dog gets water enough it
ispretty certain hecan't have the disease
| The safest way to insure him an abund-
ance of this indispensable fluid is to
| anchor him in about seven feet of water,
80 that his head will be from eighteen
to twenty inches below the surface.
In a Texan town, the other day, q
legislator of African lineage was seen
with a roll OF greenbacks in his hand,
| over which he was cackline loudly, A
| bystander inquired: "What are you
laughingat, Jim?' Jim replied: You
see dat money ?D eyes" "Well, boss,
JUS got dat for my vote. Use been
bought four or five times in my life, but
dis is de fust time l ever got dc cash
| myself"
This is the way they report an attempt
at robbery in California: "After walk
Stopped M and dH asked iha sP1rt satsa s1aaenly
had anything with him. Without any
hesitation Mr.. Jackson pointed two re-
volvers at the sport, and asked him
which would he prefer. the reply was
that he did not want anything to do
with him. Jackson could not walk as
fast as the other man did, and conse-
quently had to go to his hotel alone.
A fourteen-year old girl was a wit
ness in a recent Indiana divorce suit,
and a portion of her evidence was as
follows:
"Father got mad because mother
starched his stockings, mother picked
up the stockings and hit father on the
head with them, and it sounded as
though they were sticks of wood.
Father then stuffed hot wheat cake
down mothers throat, and then mother
set the dog on father and twisted the
dogs tail to make him bite harder"
We read the following Rochester re-
ceipt for making soup: Take pail of
water and wash it clean. Then boil it
till it is brown on both Sides Pour in
one bean. When the bean begins to
worry, prepare to simmer. Ii soup
| won't simmer it's too rich. Pour in
more water. Dry the water with a
! towel before you put it in. The dryer
| tie WaloI JDe ovv.e. it hrnwns- OiiIi.
mer the soup until the bean bursts
laughing. Then add some water and
serve hot at twenty five cents bowl.
Captain Jones, Of Stonington, is re-
sponsible for the following On his
passage from New York few years
ago, heobserved, one summer afternoon,
heavy cloud arise from the land, and,
| to his great surprise, approach the ves-
sci. Suddenly it broke near him, and
| covered the deck with millions of mos
quitoes, while part of the flock went
tnIougn .ne nlalhsall, ieaVIng hothins
puV .ho poiV-toles uansils iuly W ,!e
spars; CorroD1ratlve eVluence 70 tnL3
asIonIsning lale was Iounu IA tne per
aon y! uoWn,east shiPpel, Mno
neaau na tiie 9t1ly, anu Wno o,i cpnipatiins tis
uates Witn I slle natIatlNe, ueciareu sn"t
two t,' uays aluerwaru ne was ooarueu ny
M tne saule noch VI nlosqultoeS' anu 'ney
all wore canvas breeches.
Tn countrv n,ace in France the ladv
of one Of tbe neiohborina chateauy
was accustomed. az most French Iadias
are to have what might he called her
stheooars in orIina,,y Ono of those
was waitinp. a few months aoo at the
door of tha ohotnau of ON aarjy bonr NJ
tbe dav Havin@ gone IN he'd Late the
nioht Sefore the iadv had not risen bn.
times and the heoSay waved ;n,nat;ent
| AT last. turning t9 the footman. he said
"HeW long dye suppose she'll be before
sHe ooIes ,,,
heally, can't say" answered the
servant maype Ten minutes, maybe
an n0ur ana nalI'"
| Ihen IN teil ye WhaC IL Is, retorteu
lhe nenulcaht, she may br0Vide her.
sen WIN announcer peggar' Ieii ner that
ior me ,.
Anu SO saying, away ne Went
One dark NIGHT NOT LONG 400 q hurs.
lar entered nrivste residence in a
conntrv town on ascendinS one fljoht
of stars he observed n Iieht in a chgi,,'
bar and while deliberating what +. 4,
a LARGE yvnmsn snddenIv descandri
mon him, seized him nv the thros,
| rot,i L;IS. 49, .Lro,,.S .Ln Ill
forced him into the street before he hal
nme 10 thlnk; lieroic hepui9e OF y
burglar ny woman, %as tne way ~
Whlcn tne s.ory aPpeareu III tnG eliCS ieN :,
papers tne neAt uay; buI wnen lIlei'"7 ,,
caiieu anu cohgratuiateu heF upon I.'r
courage she eXclalmeu-a .s a1oSu fl"'
Gio9s, 1 qiGn,I know IL was pHIsiHf;
~ naa spouiu nave @ Deen III iIlSm.Slien SSnaSdp,i