The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1872-05-26
Tho Eat ContrIbutor-Hev will bo q Can.
didato for President.

didate for President.
The hour has arrived. I can wait no
longer. The highest interests of the
nation demand that present myself as
q candidst9fcr President OF the United
States. have waited for some one else
to bring me out, but in the multitude OF
candidates nc enc seems to have thought
of me. I don't think very much OF my
self; but q man don't want to think of
himself to be candidate for President
nova days. If he had any self.regard
at the outset he would think very little
OF himself by the time he got through
with himself.
am one Of the people, might say,
one of the boys. I came up from
obscurity, aid I have brought up O good
deal OF obscurity with me. Inever had
any poHhcs-or much else. I am "Libe-
raj" to Asfault, and ready to receive votes
fronf Rhy quarter, although T am not
ready to give quarters for any votes.
AS for u platfo.m, suit yourselves.
gentlemen. The lecture platform would
probably suit me as we'll as any other.
Having stood upon nearly every platform
in the West, it would be hard for you to
get up one could not stand on. In the
absence Of platform give me four acres,
and I'll ''stand" on that.
1 am the special friend of the laboring
man. No one likes to see man work
better than do. In fact, I had rather
see man work than work myself. 1
am not only averse to working more
than eight hours, but I am opposed to
working single hourl I shan't even
work for my elevation, leaving that for
the men who want the Offices.
I am in favor Of paying the national
debt. It is, in fact, the only debt am
in favor Of paying; and rather than not
see it paid during my administration, I
will pay it ont OF my own pocket.
In the matter Of civil service reform, I
intend to do the civil thing by the ma
tion, if the nation does the OWL thing
by me. Being civil is 80 rare q condi-
ton now-a-days in the varied walks of
life. Ito say nothing about the runs. J
that reform is urgently called for.
Retrenchment is my motto. If You
cant put q retrenchment plank in the
platform. put in board. am ready to
work without any salary. but I shall in
slst upon my board.
I am rather inclined to free trade, pro-
ferring to feel free to trade wherever I
please; but If tariff plank is necessary
to my election. put it in. I shall not get
on tariff if ain't elected.
Pledge me as strong as you please to
the temperance men. The temperance
pledge won't hurt me one bit.
No relative shall hold Office, no matter
whose relation he may be. r shall ap-
point none but old bachelors, chiIdless
widows and orphans. Any man who has
relation in the world need not apply
for an Office under my administration. 1
have few relatives of my own holding
Office now, bat they shall be promptly
kicked out as soon as am elected. One
brother-in-law has little coal Office on
the river. He.must give it up. A third
cousin ON my neighbor's side drinks too
much occasionally. and gets Office foot. I
shall give him notice to quit. Another
relation has hankering after George Ell.
lis "Office." It won't do him any good.
You see am determined to reduce the
relative" expenses OF the Government. i.
1 engage not to accept any gift. unless
it be the highest Office in the gift OF the
people. If am ever called sour pre-
sent chief magistrate" it won't be q
chief magistrate Of presents. Not being
o man OF commanding presence anyhow.
there would probably be few presents
that ! could command. What few natu-
ral gifts I may have. however, T shall
endeavor to retain. They are not worth.
making any fuss about.
1 am not only in favor of woman's
rights, but of women's rights and lefts.
I am in favor of women voting, provided
they vote for me. see no reason whv