Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1872-02-24
DIDH'T UNDERSTAND THE LANGUAGE

DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE LANGUAGE.
THE EDITOR OF TIE BALD EAGLE CLAIR
ION" STAYS ALL NIGHT AT TIE Use
| HOUSE" ON BURNT RIVER, IN EASTERN
OREGON.
Nw l own to being an innocent man,
and pride myself upon my good behavior,
and did think that all Americans spoke
the same language. was mistaken. as
will be seen. l rode up to the door, when
the following sign met my view: lse
IIos,sc and other ,hiugs;" very bad gram.
mar. I said, mentally iuquiriug what the
"o,her things" might be. l called, when
a scragey, beetle browed speei@sa OF, The
grnuy homo made his advent at the door.
when l inquired could stay all night !?
d" Ease your beast of your filthy carcass,
and git inside and hang yourself on the
first peg you Sec" My dear sir, said I, l
do not wish to commit suicide at present
Git eout," said he, turning to take care
of my mule. l went in there were sew
cral in the room. Presently the landlord
returned, when supper was announced.
Would you strangle little hash p said
he. am not of vicious turn, sir; am
u man of peace. But would you not put
something in the way of truck in your giz
zard 2" said he. Oh, said l, seeing that
all the rest of the company had bolted for
the table, don't care if have little
supper. That's it" said he, Z" thought
you was wol6sh." Supper being over, l
enqured where would sleep. "Ycu can
roost with Puddn' head William; or, in
plain language, Mush. head Bill, first room
to the left, up stairs" said the landlord,
looking up from game of poker. Invent
up very rickctty ladder, came to the
door designated, opened the door aud was
greeted by an awful sroau, and voice
said, "Who are you what the HI do
you want herc?" own to being little
shocked, and thinking it was more than
likely that had got into a private lunatic
asylum, replied: I, sir, am Mr.. Quill.
driver, at your service, suppose you arc
the Hon. Soup. headed William, I had
forgot the name partly. l am profoundly
happy to make thy august acquaintance !;
could I in any way advance your interests
through the influence of the Clarion 2
Supposing, Of course, to receive small
consideration for services actually rendered.
Personal notices inserted, speaking favora-
bly of you or your occupation, twenty-five
cents per line dirt cheap, sir, considering
the unparalleled circulation. /" Now, look
ye," said William, I'm busted if take
any more Of your abuse. Plant yerself"
But, sir, wish part of the bed, said l.
" Sail in," replied William. Sir, said l,
am already in, and l am feign to confess
that do not exactly understand the manly
art of sailing, although / have unbounded
sympathy with the arduous duties of
sailor. sir have never been on the rag
ing main. "What the devil do you mean Z"
said William. I mean, sir, that want
part of this bed. Muzzle it, then, and
be id to you, and shut up your intern.
al ny-trap, want to Sleep" Sir, said I,
have no muzzle, and the bed is not
dangerous thing anyhow, and as to Ay.traps,
do not deal in the article, but l can re.
commend you to very reliable firm,
whose "ad" is in my paper, who do; al
low me to present you with their card
Gristle 4 Whifkins-they will furnish
YOU with their celebrated double ended
fy-trap at the following low rates, strictly
for cash. "To h-l with you aud
Gristle T. Wilkins, and take your internal
fy-trap with you; you are the biggest
dead beat that ever seed" Sir, said ],
bristling. am not dead. l am the editor
of the Bald Eagle Clarion, aud, sir, !
scorn the imputation of being either dead
or beat, and te-prove what say, please sit
up in bed and read this seventeen column
leader which l wrote, proving conclusively
to any ordinary intellect that we have had
war in America. William first hustled
to the back side of the bed, but as ad.
vauced to present him copy Of my paper,
he commenced getting up. "No you
don't" said he then to himself: crazy
by HI, craxy's no name for it; if 1 git
out of this I'll set up the rest Of the night,
confouud him." l stood calmly by watch
ing his actions, for thought him
demented, and as had often heard that
luuatic thought everybody else fools, l
did not interrupt him. Let me pass,
stranger" said he, II want to 90 down
stairs" He shot down stairs, making the
decent in about three jumps. lie accostcd
the landlord thus: "That fellow you
sent up to my room is as crazy as bedbus.
told him to turn in, and he wanted to
sell me seventeen thousand fy.traps; told
me where l could get them wholesale,
strictly for cash then went on with lot
of stuff about Gristle & Wilkins what
do know about them? l called him
dead beat, and he spraug rigmarole about
bald eagle aud carton, and the fool want
ed me to sit up in bed and read seven
teen column account Of the buzzard's
deviltry and explites. When he first come
in he told me something about driving
quils as like as if as soft thing would
drive. aud called me the Hon. Souphead,
cuss him. For two cents Id burn him
OUT" aud he rolled his eyes savagcly to-
ward the loft In moment he was deeply
engaged in the game with the landlord and
packer | had that bed TO myself that