Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1872-06-05
MRS. TWAlN'S SHOE.
Roller Skating from a melancholy
Point OF View.

aud grirvcd to
Mr.. T.. Don't interrupt me. woman.
I tell you it's absurd-you learn to
skate. You'll be wanting I" pla!
fairy in Il O "Black Crook" next. !
tell YOU skating is'an accomplishment
suited only to youth and comrilncss ,
Of fac: and s,mc,ry of figure. Moth
ing is SO charming II, TO see u Nee
"irl, in the couurtish costume OF the
rink, With checks rosy with excite
mcut, skimming the leo like a bird
and swonping down upon II group Oh
gentlemen and pretending she can I
stop herself, and landing III the arms e
of the very Young man her ia'lcr
don't allow her to know and dart
ing away again. falling on her head
aud exposing herself to remarks
about her carclc>snc>>.
MrS. +. tries to speak, saying, 81
~
Mr.. T.-M Madame hold your tongue.
And always taking care I" fall when
tina, Young ma j. close hv to pick
hcr up. oh. it j. charming. They
look pretty and Interesting, " ",whcn
:h"y mc just rarnin.-whcn they
stand still II long time in on" place.
aud then start one foot gingcrly.
(,hows how make Il break for the
other side Of the pond, and leave the
balance of the girl SPRAYING ON the
other side! But YOU! You look fat
and awkward, and dismal enough IL,
any time, and when YOU are on skates
YOU will waddlc off as stitly and stu
pid and ungainly as buzzar't that's
had half a horse for dinner.
.(Mr>. +. trir, again to speak J: "Oh
oh Ma"
Mr.. I'll won't have it, Madam.
And YOU get under y little prccarious
Roadway. then put your feet together
and DRIFT along, STOPPING your head
and shoulders (>llows how and
holdin" out your arms like You ex-
pcc,cd Il church was going to fall on
YOU; it a.gravatcs the life ont of me.
And Tuesday, when | was ass enough
to get OF skates myself, and Kick the
Irish giant, eyes out the first dash,
, and lit on my head and cracked the
:. ice So that it looked like the sun with
Z all its rays dropped where | struck
i aud they fined me ninety dollars fol
running the mans pond, | was ter
: riticd with the conviction that | had
Il gone through TO the inside of tho
v world. because | saw the parallels o
5 latitude glimmcring al! around me
If and what WAS it but i'll your
5. awkwasdnc>> fetching up Owe III
Z with YOUR comtoundcu filters Oh
Il | cant stand the pew rent. and
r won't.
Mrs. 4. Mr.. Twain | am surp-
Mr.. Il. Hold your clattcr. l tel
you, YOU shan't bring odium upon
the family by Your d%isgraccfu
. a,tcmpts to skate. sprawling aroun'
!, with your big feet like COW pillow
III in. her way down hill i'll slipper,
1t weather. (>hows how Maybe v"
ut wouldn't be 80 handy about di>pla!
l., ing those feet of yours if You knc'
er What occurred when | took YOU
an shoes down to get them mcndcu.
I" Mrs. T.. What vas it: Tell II
ne what it was. Tell Inc what it wa
III Tell me what it was this minute
| lust know its one of your lies.
Mr.. +. Oh, don't mind: it amt
any consequence: 20 to bed.
~ Mr.. +. But it is of consequence
'"c You have got TO tell nc: you shan
IN a~ggrcva,r me in this way: | wont :
n Il to bed till I know what 1t was.
icy Mr.. T. oh, it wasn't anything!
icr Mrs. T.. know better. You a
the lust doing til, t" drive me To q
Us. traction. What did he shocmak
'ut say about my shoe: What did he d
Quick. (Brstling II? 10 him Wi
clcncicd hamd>.)
ate Mr.. +. Well ii you must kno
cts ch-ch-howcyer, its of no coli
'a'- qucncc.
crn Mrs. T. Twain! (Shaking her fist
ito hi, facr.)
all Mr.. I. Well hc-took it and gai
Oh it :. long time in silence, and II
gal. burst i'll tears. (Shows howl
e on Mrs. 7. Why you born i'
d iii Twain. are . going stark-star
rip' crazy:
Mr.. I. lie jus; stood there
nave wcpt Il, fills heart would brcak,l
man devil. There, now, lets g" TO bee
= the Mrs. T. Bed. YOU lunatic.
'ai!' never close my eyes till know "
.hnc- the idiot wa, crying abou1-and
""ht won't either, | can tell YOU t
'iiat Come:
! he MIR. r. Oh it don't matter
wa Mrs. T.. Mr.. Twain, if you say i.
an! again I'll make YOU sorry fol-
COM What was that nuIn>kull CT,
con- about:
i the Mr.. T. Well, he, he
Mr.. L. Well. he. Out wit
DO you want me to-to-Twain:
snatch them pet car-lOck> OH III
The side of your heads as bald as tho
}. W. Of my hand.
ed by Mr.. +. Well, hc-poor fellow
is ju- fairly dotted on his g%raudmotf
fairly dotted on hsr. She had nu
IL. him, yon know, because hi, III,
+ il 1T wa, - feeble, and sO-wcil, he
under to This country fifteen wears ago
rant, first lac set up in the vegetable
. con- und got along pretty we'll, and
o that about /" send 10 England for tn
lady. wl.e, hard times came al
! not got broke. lie wcnt into fruit,
% bet and after that into milk-int
md on sorts of things, you know; he 90
is wa. appointed every time, till
in the present business fetched out all
ligcnt and lac sent right of for the old
Grant ,uam. She landed here four :
!uuiny a"o, but died the very same mig
r. can Was hard very hard after all THE
ing and toilin@ for fifteen Yea