Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1872-01-27
The Humorist's co.uran.
The first apple vas eatea BY II. ar,t

Inc ns~s sIPAo was eSoeo " toe 0raf
pair. xsx
The ia1lviasal who was a.p !.
snr4, hae emo dDWn % tobacco.
& The man ~ oo01hes himself 4.
tn drink Mt IT. him il well snpplieS
Dost cetfy your handkerchief in
y'oer brra~t .lso<kef. II you do--you
take . wiper 10 your bosom.
/ Did the nall who ploughed the sea
and afterwaria planted his feet on his
nafivgN5ij, eyer harvest the Cfupsf-@-4s
"Do make yourself at holne,r said
q tssssy oise dizzy IN her visitors, an
at home myself, and wish you wep.S|g
Some seem to act npoi. the assump.
ION that, II they cheat i poor fel|ov
ont Of his farm, he has no. ground 10
complaint. III u
Peters says it is folly to tell . man
that he must not enlarge his debts
when the ln0r fellow is doing al be
can to contract them.
An old lady, reading an account Of
% distinguished oil lawyer, who waa
said tO liz the father Of the New York
bar, exclaimed: . Poor man he badf
y draslfal vet Of chilirn." - .
Wil:iasn." said tem:her to one Of,
llis pupils, |" Can son tell me why the
snm lises in the east {" rs Dsm't know,
sir" replied William, 'coept 1t be that
east makes everything rise"
A lady laying her hand on y Joint Of
veal, said, . think, Mr.. +. this veal
il mSt ~ white Is us,lal.v q Pat on q
Your glove, Madam" said the dealer
{" and you viii think diiIerently."
Some people assert that they have
seen dog draw, y horse .fy, bell
pull, coal siuUke. y pail run, album
dance, wlksel-wr t.. q rope walk, q
rail fence, and y hat tox. -.
PsHlsly's description of u fiddle can
not be beat - . Ii was the xlal,e of q. !.
TURKEY, and the xize Of goose; lie
turned it over on it's back and rubbed
it's belly with y stick aud och Sc.
Patrick how it did sqmaie! p g Z. -
II woa.d do anything to CRAFTY
y0n; ! would 20 to the end Of the
world to please y0n,' sasd fefveist
lover to the Ol.ject OF his affections.
Well, sir, 80 there aud stay, and II
shall l'e ldss,sStl" Ifgpa
A gentleman, whose countinehousa
had heeh his altar, having failed In }
b,siMtss, WAS asked what he intended {
tn do, and vplied. . / slsall stay at
home while, aud get acquainted with
my f;.nily.g ~ tfs.
Toln, you see,n to gain hesh every
day-ltlar grKery business a,ast xgrre
with yea. What did yea weigh last p
= Well, Simon, fl~sslly forget now,
Int it ntrikes me it WAS . pound Of
butter"
/ A UAI,iuet maker having made To-
blr for customer, who did not come
after it Tor several years, thus address
ssl him when ut hast ne appssresl ior IL.
+" Sir, yOm as~ the most un c0ln.f0r IT,
ble customer have ever had p
| "Oh, my dear sir,n ssisl . poor safs-
iercr t0 y dentist, . that h the eec0nd
wrong tooth yOu have pulled OUT
Very sorry, sir" said the blum
ldering OperltOr, - but ~ there were
only three when began, 1 snl sure to
be right next time ]"
i Accelerated barrister retired from
practice, wax one day asked hix sincere
opinion Of the law. 6 why, the fact
is," teioinssi he = it any man we're to
tcLlini the coat upon my back, and
threaten MY rrtuYai with Law suit
he Sl,uuIsl certainly have il. lest IN de-
Tending my co;st, p should lose my
waistc0at alsO."
A woman in. Roclester heard some
body trying ii burglar her prenisea
one night, lately, aud she Just kept
watch. When sl,r saw hand grasp
ing the window sill, she quietly chop
ped off three or fuar Of its fingers, xMd
waitesl for the ellap to I,ut In the other
hand, hat hs didn't c0nsslutle tn, suA
went away, mad W. thunder. The wo-
mam's husband WARTS tn mad the ~
{ mailblrr 0f the man to see what he
thinks 1T the joke. She did Il with
her little axe-it.
Fl TELLING SroRrns.---A few years
ago u ~s:iety wax fi,russsl IN New York
l0r the suppression " story-ts'lers.
Arteinus Ward, Dan Brysmt, Billy
!, Florpnsx., and mrn 1T that ilk consti.
!. tmtsu the active me mbers. Their plan
was, when man, commenced story,
to got up and salimter away, one Vt z
/. time. leaving the unhappy man "a
4 complete hia narration ~ the chairl
!. and other fiHniture.
One day liam Bryaut 90 far forgot
1 himself IN to begin story, f,rcibly
4 brought to his reineml,raslce hy some
II ~