The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1872-08-08
VARIETIES.

Can ship with two owners be called
partnership?
When is iron the most ironical? When it's
a railing.
The magic mirror-A beautiful face lit up
with smiles.
An irreverent butcher styles his shop
meating house.
A Miners Lamentation-'Ven vein give
me ore.
You can always find sheet of water on
the bed of ocean.
What causes cold, cures cold, and fees
the doctor? A draft.
Is a jolly boat ever helped along by four
roars of laughtert
QUERY what relationship exists between
sea song and Neptune.
Why is the inside of everything unintelli-
gible? Because we can't make it out.
What is that which is so brittle that If you
name it you are sure to break 1t? Silence.
A cog uettc is said to be perfect incarna-
ton of Cupid, because she keeps her beau
in culver.
Why is an errand boy like an old horse put
up at auction i? Because he'll go for what
he'll fetch
The mind is like a trunk. If well packed,
it holds almost everything If i'll packed,
next to nothing
An Irish editor says he can see no earthly
reason why women should not be allowed to
become medical men.
In New York, an India rubber car is about
being invented, which, when cram full, will
hold couple more.
The women who have been admitted to the
Agricultural College in Michigan are said to
behave in very geratIenlG9azy manner.
! A countryman, admiring the stately fabric
of st. Paul's, asked whether it was made in
England, or brought from beyond sea.
Irritable schoolmaster; "Now, then, stu
pd, what's the next word? What comes
after cheese % Dull boy: "a mouse sir"
PRoPos1TIoK.-If takes two hogshea Is
to make pipe, and three pipes to make
| cigar, how many cigars will it take to make
| a meerschaum ?
The New York confectoner, who a few
days taught his parrot to say pretty crea-
ture" TO every lacy who entered his store, is
now very rich.
When a woman commits suicide in New
York, the reporters perpetrate head lines
about "A beautiful woman forcing the por-
tails of the unknown world"
A grocer, when complained to about SELL
ing bad eggs, excused himself by saying
"At this time of the year the hens are not
well, and often lay bad eggs"
An agricultural society offered premium
for the best means of r'igation. A farmer,
reading it irritation, took his wife to the
meeting, feeling sure he would win the prize.
"James," asked Professor Platitude of one
of his pupils, 'is there word in the English
language which contains all the vowels 20
"There is, unQueSti0nG6ly." answered James
That doctors can say witty things some
times is proved by the fact that one of them
recently, on being asked to dance the Elan
GERS replied that he was better able to lance
the dancers.
young man in the street, being charged
with being lazy. was asked if be took it
from his father. 81 think not, said the dis
respectful son; 'fathers got all the lazi-
ness he ever had"
Doctor" said g. nephew, on settling the
fee question for his uncle's illness, and from
whose death eutert aimed great expectations,
81 beg, for the future, you will not interfere
in family matters"
a woman's rights orator frankly declared
that the first time coat sleeve encrcled her
waist she seemed to be in a pavilion built of
rain5ows, the window stills eft which were
| composed of Holian harps.
The INSTRUMENT. Professor TO student
at the biackboard) "Now, sir, what instru-
ment would you use in constructing this
geometrical figure 2" S}ud. pJNtn.s con-
lusec): "a piece of chA.A, tat"
| A soldier was Dragging before Omar Pasha
Of the wounds he had received il his face
Omar, knowing him to be a coward, told
him be had best take heed the next time he
ran away how he looked back.
| A country paper, speaking of the street or
gan playing ola soldier without arms, who
worked the crank with his foot, happily says:
| "His playing was far above the average; lie
threw his whole sole into it."
We know of beautiful girl who would
prove capital speculation for fortune
hunter of the right sort. Her voice is of sill |
yer, her hair of gold, her teeth of pearl, her
cheeks OF rubies, and her eyes Of diamonds.
1t being in a trial at Westminster that
mans name was really Inch, who pretended |
its was Linch, II see" said the Judge, ''the
proverb verified in this man, who, being al
lowed an Inch, has taken an L."
An old bachelor recently gave the fol ow~
ing toast: "Woman-the morning star of
infancy, the day star of manhood, the even.
ing star of age. Bless our stars, aud may