Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1872-03-26
Las7acb for HeI72aO7'ISts.

A Tennessee negro had quarrel with a To-
connective. Age unknown.
A Tennessee editor was SO rejoiced at the
death of rival that he announced it under the
head of "Amusements. =
A brave Kentuckianess slew bear with her
little shotgun. 1t is scarcely necessary to add
that she was brunette.
''Talk about the jaws of death |" exclaimed
a man who was living with his third scolding
wife; II tell you they re no touch to the jaws
of liiel" .........--.-...... hsGlN
Domestic young lady (making pie Tom,
the Kitchens no place for boys. Has dough
such an attraction for you?" Clever youth
sit isn't the dough, cousin-it's the dear ~
An Illinois youth has been wearing fine
plated shirt, which opened on the back, hind
side before for more than year. He said he
thought they had laid out good deal of work
on the back. 1-es-.-, sar.sr
''Merciful heavenl'' exclaimed a grieved
chap, as he braced himself against post in
front of a Sixth ward saloon, on Washington s
birth-da ''can it be possible that that great
and good man is dead2'' IN
A woman raised to the third power of wild
owhood hassthe photographs of her three de-
parted lords in group, with vignette of her
scription, 1.-The Lord will provide"
A young lady in Massachusetts has taken
hold Of dentistry for living. All the gentle
men patroniZe her, and one young man has be-
come hopelessly infatuated. Consequently he
hasn't tooth in his head. She has pulled
every blessed one of them, and is now at work
On his fathers jaw.
A Western paper relates touching tale oil
aspiration for knowledge. A youth and maiden
leaning over the front yard gate. Time, night
Fair Luna and several stars studding the blue
vault. Youth and maiden pensively gazing al
the same. The maiden breaks the poetic 81
lence: Henry, dear, oh how I would like to
study botanyl''
A soldier, who was an inveterate Joker and
punster, having had his nose, left cheek and a
portion of his chin carried away by shot, in
the battle of Shiloh, was asked by his COM
rades if they could do anything for him.
''Boys,'' said he, speaking as well as he could
in his mangled condition, 81 should like drink
of water mighty well, if only had the face to
ask for it.
A fellow in GAINESVILLE, Wisconsin, in letter
to his girl in Oshkosh. told her it was so cold
down there that the mercury could not see zero
without telescope. The confding creature
in reply stated that they managed to worry
through at Oshkosh by hanging their thermom-
eters over their wells, as the mercury seldom
sank more than 40 feet in that tropical region.
Those two trusting hearts have firm confidence
in each others veracity.
Clarence Kings California dialect style ra-
Their beats Bret Harte's. His sketches of the
mountain men are very life-like He describes
the teamster Billy. who thus talks about swear
ing: mo, can t blaspheme worth cuss.-
You'd just orter to hear Pete Green. He can
exhort the impenitent mule. I've known a
ren-mule team TO renounce the flesh and haul
thirty-one thousand through foot of clay mud
under one of his out pourings."
There is family residing on Euclid street,
Boston, that owns cat of the Thomas variety,
who is nearly twenty years old. He can re.
member clear back before Perry's monument
was erected, and his footmarks are upon every
roof within mile of his home. The number
of boot jacks thrown at him would keep the
city in kindling wood for ten years to come, and
his back has been curved in so many fights
that he now looks like small dromedary when
gaily perambulating chimney top. Not until
some more deadly explosive than nitro-gly
rine is discovered, will an attempt be made to
kill him