davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1872-12-05
Something All Should Know.

2 knowledge of simple remedies to be
used in cases of sudden illness or acci-
dent is very valuable. It is well for
every one to understand what are the
readiest antidotes to various kinds of
poisons, what applications will soothe a
burn, how severe cut should be bound
up, how Group should be treated until
the physician arrives, and other things
OF a similar nature. Without some such
knowledge one is indeed helpless and
useless in the emergencies which are
constantly arising in the family. There
are many remedies for scalds and burns /:
one which we have lately seen highly
recommended is an embrocation of lime
water and linseed-oil. These simple
agents combined form thick, cream-like
substance, which effectually excludes the
air from the injured parts and allays the
inflammation almost instantly. This
remedy leaves no hard coat to dry on the
sores, but softens the parts and aids ma
ture to repair the injury in the readiest
and most expeditions manner. The mix
ture may be procured in the drug stores
but If not thus accessible, slack lump
OF quicklime in water, and as soon as the
water is clear mix it with the oil and
shake well. If the case is urgent, use
boiling water over the lime, and it will
become clear in five minutes. The prep
aration may be kept ready bottled in the
house, and it will be as good when six
months old as when first made.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1872-12-05

Cool ABOUT IT.-The Lumberton IN.
C.) Ro5eSonian tells us that Stephen Low
cry was present at Justices Court, in
Burnt Swamp township, in the Scuffle-
town District, short time since. He
was armed to the teeth, holding in his
hand all of the time a Spencer rifle, and
having his belt stuck full of revolvers.
There was on the ground large number
OF mulattoes and half dozen whites.
He seemed entirely at ease, and during
the progress of the trial manifested con-
siderable interest in it. The trial was
held in the church, a close log building,
from which it would have been impossi-
BILE for him to escape otherwise than by
the door, yet he seemed to feel no appre-
hension, and but for the fact that he con-
stantly kept his rifle in his hands, a
stranger would not have seen anything
in his manner to betray the peculiar rela
ton in which he stood to society.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1872-12-05
POETR Y.
TOMS THANKSGIVING.

" Pray are You thankful" Margaret asked.
2" For all the blessings of your life ~
said Tom, " All one thing yet won't
The blessing of loving wife:
And till find that precious gift
can not give thanks quite sincere"
- All, wicked Tom ~ the maiden sighed
fonr case is hopeless, then, fear ~
Not so !" cried he; at you, my friend,
Will only try to find for me
maiden fair, whose heart is mine, -..
Devoutly thankful shall be:
But she must have-well, let NE think
Eyes like your own, as soft and blue,
And hair as golden, lips as red
In short, she must resemble your -
" That which you ask" she answered then.
really dare not undertake"
" What! answered Tom, {" have you the heart
Thus poor mortal to forsake ?"
Low dropped her head before his gaze:
Oh, Tom p said she, "what shall 1 dos"
SAID Tom, J." think-lndeed I'm sure
could be thankful, dear-for youi'
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1872-12-05
MOIes.

Ladies have horror of those blacl,
eminences on the face called moles.
Even homely men dislike them, but
there they ordina arily remain as guides
in giving description of an applicant
for passport
A mole i5 thickening of the epider-
mis-, or outer skin, probably induced by
an obstruction in the outward ends of a
cluster OF sudorific ducts or sweat tubes.
To be clear of them readily, run fine
needle through one of them from one
side to the other. Let an assistant take
hold of both ends of the needle and pull
so as to make neck of clear skin at the
base. 1t is neither painful, difficult, nor
attended with hardly a tinge of blood.
Next igate that neck behind the out
dragged mole with a delicate, strong,
waxed silk thread, that cuts off the cir
culation; clip away the unused thread
and wait the result. A slight local in
tiammation ensues, which is the gluing
together the new surface of the stretched
skin. In few days the old offence drops
off, deprived of nutrition, leaving no
scar. If little reddish by the remains
of subsiding inflammation, wet the
spot occasionally with cold water. Pro-
ceed to the next, and the next, seriatim.
Before aware of it any ole-disfgured
face may become as good as new a..
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1872-12-05

The richest man in Melbourne, with a
yearly income of a million, lunches daily
OF the cheapest dishes at the cheapest
restaurants. He was never troubled
with the gout, and has thus saved him
self from world of misery.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1872-12-05

A dispatch from Stralsund reports
that eighty vessels were totally wrecked
in the late gale. The town was censid-
erably damaged by intimidation.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1872-12-05

A RELIc.-Another historical relic
claims our most respectful attention.
This is its story: "In 1881 Gen. Wash
ington presented gold watch to Lafay-
cite ao token of esteem, etc. In 1924
Lafayette made visit to this country,
and in the course of his journey some
light-fingered wretch took fancy to
that same bauble of watch and appro-
priated it. It's history thereafter is un-
known until very recent date, when a
New Orleans man discovered it amid ig-
nomnious surroundings in Louisville
junk-shop, and rescued it from such dis
grace. The honest citizen of New Or
leans proposes to return it to the Lafay-
cite family, and in the meantime 1t is on
exhibition in jewelry store, and has
been seen by many.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1872-12-05

Horse-chestnut trees will not flourish
in the Western States.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1872-09-06
The Amende Honorable.

The gentle editor of Western ex.
change makes the amende honorable in
the following elaborate style: "There
is fly in our Office, one particularly
aggressive fly, distinguished from his
brethren by pertinacity and untiring
energy that, if properly directed, are
enough to make him President. Other
flies we can dispose of by whisking a
paper at them, or putting them out of
the window but this fly we can't man.
age. We don't like to kill flies. There
is something SO condding about them
that it seems like a breach Of hospital.
ity to kill them. That fly tumbles into
our inkstand, crawls out and dries his
little feet by walking over our paper as
we write. The compositor has hard
work to decipher our manuscript some
times. And in this connection we
would make slight correction. In the
last number of our paper we called the
Hon. Mr.. fan unprincipled. dema-
gogue;' we should have said "a high.
toned patriot 1t was all the fault of
that fly. The brother of the Hon. Mr..
came into our Office this morning
with new and substantial. looking cane,
and reminded us of the misprint."
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1872-09-06

! p,9cked an apple from of tree.
G9lden and rosy. and fair to see
re re sunshine had tod y with warmth and light
And hish ON the topmost bough il grew
Where the winds Of heaven about M hicw.
nnd while the mornings were soft and vo~nv
T me wild birds circled. and scared and sung.
~ ripcned and frightened. this apple Of min.
riii the day plucked II from of the tree.
uolden and rosy. and fair to see.
How could guess. meath that daintiest r;nd
That the core of sweetness hoped 10 fnd-N'
The innermost. hidden heart Of the blIs
which dews and winds and the sunshine's kiss
Was black with mildew and hitter with blight.
Golden and rosy and fair Of skin.
Nothing but ashes and ruin within2
hh never again with toll and pain
Will strive the topm0st Dough to gain
Though its wind-sw ung apples are fair to see.
On tAe lower branch is the fruit for me.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1872-09-06

BY sREr HARrE.


so she's here your unknown Dulcinca.-the
lady you met On the train - :.
And you really believe she would know you II
you we're to meet her asainE
sOf course" he replied. =" she would know me
there never was womankind yet
IoHot the effect she inspired. She excuses ou'
does not forget"
Then you told her Your lovef" asked the elder
the younger looked up with smile;
doing the while!
"what sit BY the side of woman as fair as the
Asi look somsxhere else les, the daz.le fash
back to her eyer
frank and 8 bold as the look.
And held UP herself to herself,-that was more
than she got from her book"
sYoung blocd!" laughed the elder. no doubt
you are voicing the mode Of To-Day;
Bat then We old foeies. ut least. gave the lady
some chance for delay.
"Thsre's my wife-0ou must know)-we frst
met on the journey from Florence to Rome:
Il took me three weeks to discover who was she
and where was her home;
Three more to be duly presented; three more
ere saw her again;
And year ere my romance begin where yours
ended that day on the train"
20. that was the style Of the stage-coach; we
travel to-day by express;
Hsrty miles to the hour" he answered. won't
admit Of passion that's less"
But what II you make a mistakes" quoth the
elder. The younger half sighed.
What happens when signals are wrong or
switches misplaced?" he replied.
"very we'll, must bow to YOUR WISDOM" the
elder returned. but admit
That your chances of winning this woman your
holiness has bettered no whit.
Why. you do not. at best. know her name. And
What il try your ideal
With something. if not quite so fair. at least
more en- reole and real?
- Let me find you n partner. Nay. come. insist
you shall follow-this way.
Ny dear. will you not add your grace to entreat
MIR. Rapid to stay?
NY wife. Mr.. Rapid-Eh. whati Why. he's
gone-yet he said he would come:
How rude ont wonder. my dear, you are
properly crimson and dumb!'
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1872-09-06

The following is the way they call out
the figure Of "reel" in Georgia /:
"Dance to the gal with the yellow
shawl; now down outsides and up the
middle; turn to your partner, Isaac
Smach, and now to that entire stranger;
sachez to the right and left; ra de tan,
da du de; now to Peter Switherall's
daughter; turn to your partner, every
one; set to the gal with the haring frill;
balance one and spin about to the girl
with the hole in the heel Of her stock.
ing"
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1872-09-06

CITY that scots peopls-Pittsburgh
CLERGYMEN and brakmen do the most
coupling.
WHEN is a gun.barrel chicken I?
When it is a lille fotoi.
A STORM is like fish after a hook
when it is going to abate.
EXCUSE haste and bad pen," as the
pig said when he broke out.
AN En- glish philosopher studies prison
life by being committed to Jail.
MANY persons write articles and send
them to an editor to be corrected-as if
an editors Office was house of correc.
ton.
81 WONDER what causes my eyes to be
sc weak ?" said fop to gentleman.
"They are in weak place." replied the
latter.
IT doesn't matter how watchful and
vigilant girl is, if rude fellow kisses
her, it is ten to one he will do it right
under her nose.
A FELLOW who has actually tried it
tays that, although there are three
scruples to dram, the more drains you
take the less scruples you have.
The advertisement of q Western
stone-cutter reads, "Those who buy
tomb.stones of us look with pride and
satisfaction on the graves of their
friends"
"Do you understand me now ?" thun.
dered country pedagogue to an urchin
at whose head he threw an inkstand.
ave got an inkling of what you
mean."
"MY SON." said man of doubtful
morals, putting his hand on the head
of young urchin, ~ believe Satan has
got hold of YOU" ~ believe so too"
replied the boy.
A CHINAxAN in Weaverville, CAL,
whose life was insured for a large
amount, was seriously hurt by falling
from wagon. There was some doubt
of his ever getting better, and at length
one of his friends wrote to the insur.
ance company, "Charley half dead,
likee half money"
A YOUNG gentleman of Morristown,
N. j., was playing at hay.making with
a rural Maud Muller, and rather liked
it until swarm of yellow jackets crawl
ed up his nankeen trowsers. Maud
laughed heartily at the Irish jig he
danced, until she got "some Of it in
her'n."
Two Irishmen on sultry night took
refuge under the bed clothes from
party of mosquitoes. At last one Of
them, gasping from heat, ventured to
peep beyond the bulwarks, and espied
a FREELY which had strayed into the
room. Accusing his companion with
punch, he said: "Fergus, it's on use.
Ye might as we'll come out. Here's one
the craythers searching for US with a
lantern l"
THREE little boys were disputing as to
whose father said the shortest grace.
First boy-"My father says, lord, we
thank You for these provisions Sec
ond-"And mine says, Father, bless
this food to u.s." Third boy-"Ah,
but mines the best of all. He shoves
his plate up to mamma, and says, "Darn
We, fill up.'"
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1872-09-06
Pat on Lawyers.

Emeralder-You're a lawyer, beent
you? Reporter does not know what
is coming, and thinks he'll say yes at
venture.
Reporter-Yes.
Emeralder-Well, did you liver hear
of lawyers pronounced like liar gettin
to hiven? Come, now, spake the truth
and shame the divil.
Reporter-W ell, l don't know as |
ever did. Did you ever hear OF an
Irishman getting there?
Emeralder-Yes, / heard Of one
once.
Reporter (briskly)-How vas that?
Emeralder-Why, there was fellow
once who lived in Ireland. He was as
noble, kind.hearted man as ever you
saw, and when he died everybody had
a good word to say for him, the praist
absolved him, and he went straight to
hiven, and
Reporter-How do you know he did!
Emeralder (angrily )-Ain't l tellln
yees? ! know by what happened after
he got there. When the people that
lives in heaven found that an Irishmani
was there it raised fine rumpus, and
they determined to put him out. Jim
Rooanan, for that was his name,
wouldn't 60, he said, unless he was put
out through due course of law. 30
they went to work and searched all
over hiven to find lawyer, but there
wasn't none there. and Jim is there yet.
-NeO York Herald.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1872-09-06

TEE Eastern railroad, from Boston 10
Portland, has adopted, among other I'M
proveinents for the safety and convencc
fence OF passengers, q now system 0,
placing of gong bells-one at each end
on the passenger stations along the
route, 70 be electrically struck by ap'
preaching trains when within half
mile, either side OF the station, to warn
the agents and Others Of its approach.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1872-09-06

A MAN who works for living should
marry woman taller than himself.
"The laborer is worthy of his higher"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1872-08-23

long as your happiness and his is made
up with them"
She rose from her seat and strolled up
the garden path
Jenny did not follow. She sat on the
step lost in thought. The riddle of her
friends life was at last made clear to her.
She had often wondered why Margaret,
in the midst of all her wealth and luxury,
should seem so sad; she wondered no Ion
ger now
To be the wife of man who had no love
for you. What .'lower Deep" can there
be than this for proud and sensible wo-
man?
Jenny turned with tears in her eyes to
meet the stalwart husband as he came from
the field.
"Well, little woman, he cried and then
she got the hearty kiss for which she was
looking.
Yes, Margaret was right. The butter
and cheese were of little consequence while
love like this made her task easy to endure
And the rosy checked little woman bent
fondly down over her Hiram" as he flung
himself down on the porch seat and fam
ed him, brought him lemonade, and made
him thoroughly happy and at rest
Poor Margaret! Happy Jennie Never
again would she wish to be more-only a
farmers wife.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1872-08-23
Acknowledged the Carn.

In an article on the late Ejr. Andrew
Stewart, the Pittsburg Gonaasrcial tells
the following story relating % one of his
speeches in Congress:
In speech delivered In 1928, when
Mr.. Stewart first undertook to demonstrate
to the American farmers and laboriDg men
that they were every yearsenang millions
of dollars in coin to Eurepa to pay for
foreign agricultural produeesAe said: ITO
say that lady carries sixtyldgf!ars' worth
of bacon aud beans, cabbag~.and krout,
round her neck, converted inso lace, may
seem strange, and it would be equally
strange to say that Western farmers In
Ohio and Kentucky send their hay, grass,
corn, and other grain to Neg York and
Philadelphia to pay for foreisa agricultur-
al produce converted into goods" (Here
Mr.. Wyckliffe, of Kentucky. interposed,
and said: There never was "a ton of hay
or bushel of corn. or grain Of any other
kind. sent from Kentucky to Philadelphia
or New York'') will sc gentleman
then tell u.s." said Mr.. Stewart, "what
they do send?" Mr.. w. replied: They
send horses, cattle, hogs livery we'll.
then; how much grass, gran, hay, and
other produce does the fazner put into
the skin of horse worth 800? Just
800 worth, which, thus animated with
life and legs. carries this 500 worth of
produce to New York. with the owner on
top Of it. "A laugh AID how much
of like produce does fat OK, worth $50,
carry to the Eastern markes2 just $50
worth And how much does fat hog.
worth $40, carry? Just 80 worth of
corn" Here Mr.. Wicklife ssprang to his
feet and exclaimed, amid Euch laughter,
Mr.. Speaker, acknowle lgs the corn. :"
This went into the if,;apers, md, it is said,
gave rise te the common saying, Il ac-
knowledge the corn"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1872-08-23
LONGEVITY.

/ We find in the Alexandria Gazette the fol-
lowing interesting article-a contribution BY
one who writes over the signature of 'fudex::"
+ The term of human life does not in general
exceed 80 years, but instances occasionally
occur of persons living to the age of 100 years.
and upwards. Such instances, however, have
not excited that general attention, which from
the nature of the sabject might be expected,
and it is only of late years that any extensive
collection of them has been formed, Of at.
tempts made to ascertain the circumstances
and situations in which the different individ-
uals preserved their lives to an age so much
beyond the usual lot of man.
! About seventy years ago an author by the
name of Easton published catalogue, which,
though defective, contained the names and
some particulars of 1,712 persons who had
attained to a century and Upwards, having
died at the following ages
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1872-08-23
"sam HopefLs'

A Yankee calling himself Sam Hope
full WHO has written some very good
things tells right out in laeetin" why he
never married after three attempts He
says:
once courted gsIlg the name of
Deb Hawkins. [ mads If my mind to
get married. Well, VIII Wo were going
to the deacon's Isteppcg mud -pud-
! ale and &ttssargai snass''s new
gown made out of her grandmother's old
chintz petticoat. When We got to the
deacon's he asked Deb if she would take
me for her lawful welded husband "Now
says she. Reason" says l. "Why, "
says she, Il have taken a mislikin' to
you"
Well. it was all up then, but I gave her
a string Of beads, a few kisses and some
other notions, and made it all up with her
So we went up to the deacon's second
time. was bound to get even with her
this time. so when the deacon asked me
if I would take her for my welded wife,
"No, I should do no such a thing"
why" says Deb, "what on airth is the
matter now?" Why" says I, # have
taken a misliken to you"
Well, it was all over again, but gave
her new apron and few other .trinkets,
and we went up again to get married. -
We expected that we would be tied so fast
that all nature couldn't separate US x; but
when we asked the deacon if he would
marry US he said, mo, I shan't do no
such a thing Why, what on the airth
is the reason?" says we. "Why," says he,
I've taken misliken to both of YOU
Deb burst out crying, the deacon burst
out scolding, and burst out laughing,
and such set of busters you never did see,
and that is tho reason I never got marri-
ed.
My chance has gone.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1872-08-23
SeLerten Mlsrellang,
ONLY A FARMERS WIFE.

Two women sat together at sunset In
the porch door of white cottage that
stood under its sancestral tree" among
its fields of wheat and corn, like poets
vision of quiet resting place for some
weary human SOUL
And one of these two women had ewes
to see, ears to hear, and heart to feel
and appreciate it all. She was tall and
stately lady, apparently some thirty years
of age-not exactly handsome, but with a
grace of air and manner peculiarly her
own The careful toilet, the nameless
air-of elegance and luxury. the pale cheek,
the soft white hands betrayed the city
dame, while the weary glance in her dark
blue eyes. which even the quiet of that
sunset hour could not drive away, showed
that time had not dealt gently with her
and her hearts idol but had thrown them,
scattered and ruined, at her feet.
Her companion was some FIVE years her
junior, and many times prettier-a little
round faced, apple checked woman, with
dark blue eyes and dark brown air, and
a rounded figure that was set off to the
best advantage by the afternoon dress of
tinted muslin that she wore.
AT present the pretty face was almost
spoiled by querulous discontented ex-
preston. She was contrasting her own
hand, plump and small, but certainly ra-
ther brown. with the slender white fingers
of her city friend. all glittering with rings.
''Just look at the twop she exclaimed.
"That comes of making butter and cheese,
and sweeping, and dusting, and washing
dishes, and making beds all the time. =
That man told the truth that said that
woman's work was never done. l know
mine never is. Oh! dear, dear, To
think that you, Margaret, should have
married city merchant, and be as rich
as princess in fairy tale and here
am planted for life, plain Mrs. Hiram
Parke, and nothing in the world to com
pare with you. am sick of being only
farmers wife" Margaret Won Howth