The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-09-20
Che 3rillOrsat.s
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FRIDAY....a..sEPTEMBER2o, 20, 1872.
scIssoRNGs.

A great composer Sleep.
A tail of miaery-The cocktail.
A head-dress quite out Of fashion
Wonauhood.
A bad style of orithmetic--Divis.
ion among families.
No Wonder time is often murdered,
when struck every hour.
It may be considered grave mis-
take to bury a man alive.
Victims of misplaced benzine, . is
Weiternese for dsunkards. =
Miss-construction - Whalebone,
: wadding powder aud paint. =
A Safety Match2z Ten thousand
per anuunl settled on the wife. y -
What's the proper age for par
son?-The parsonage, Of course.
A Massachusetts woman has in
vented machine for folding bags,
by which two girls can make 30 QUO
bags per day.
When Tennessee girl is slyly
kissed, she PUTS on Il frown and says.
Put that article right back sir,
where you stole it from. - - =
4 set of paper wheels, used on n
Pullman car, hare run over 160 600
miles of track. and have worn out
entirely one set OF steel tires. >Ssa
Our Sage says it is with bachelors
as with old wood-it is hard to get
them started, but when they do take
flame they burn prodigiously.
The latest of Colorado's wonders
is petriied palm tree twenty-five
feet III diameter, discovered twenty
one miles southeast ofs Denver.
4 cane drink liquor. said Bob. 1t
goes right to my hean. Well said
Bob's friend, where could il go with
less danger of being crowded.
A lady was, asked the other day
why she chose to live single lie.
and grasels replied: Because am
not aole to support husband"
A good lady refused the other day,
to let her daughter dance with
young gentleman, because she
understood he was Bachelor of Arts.
II is stated, but with what truth
we do not pretend to say. that all the
ladies who sweep the streets with
their long dresses, have big feet and
thick ankles.
A newly married woman of genfeel
appearance, went into furniture
shop few days since. and inquired
for family fruitbasket. She was
shown large cradle, which was Just
what she waured. O.
An old lady gave this as her idea
of q great man: "One who is keer-
ful oi his clothes. don drink sperots,
ken read the Bible without spelliug
the words, Il eat a cold d1lner on
wash day WITHOUT grumbling.' ea-<
L say, Jones, how is it that your
wife dresses SO maguificently, and
you always appear out AZ the elbow?
You see, Thomps my wife dress
es according tu the gazette OF FASH
ion, and l dress according to my led
ger
Ant place your riverance, I can
prove it bv the Holy Scrip ure- l can
by the powers. Didn't yol reverence,
in the sermon YESTERDAY. tell US il We
resist the devil, he'd flee from us.
Now, if resist my wife she flies at
me-
The eurest way to prevent q young
couple from marrying is to oppose
them. Tell them 'you would Sooner
see them in their grave, aud twelve
months afterwards their baby will
pass you twice a day in 1t willow
wagon.
Two boarding school misses were
overheard colversing the other day.
Have you graduated. Jeunie?'
why. bless you. yes. I graduated
last season. What did you graduate
in?' In the sweetest sky blue silk you
ever saw
Miss, viii you take my arm?'
asked al old bachelor. La! yes,
and you too, said the young lady.
Can only spare the arm, Miss,
hastily replied the bachelor.
''Then. said Miss I can. t take it as
my motto is to take the whole hog Or
none at all