The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1872-05-09
An Essay on the Hair.
BY THE "FAT CONTRIBUTOR"

|
up on that head land that too by people who
have made hair their study for years. each
claimed to be the very best article on hair ever
produced. Glancing at the formidable array OF
restoratiyes, invigorators, strengtheners, tonics
&C.. together with the various oils, dyes, and
perfumes, to say nothing of combs, brushes,
hair-pins, curling-tongs, and "rats," one would
think there were sufhciency OF articles on
hair.
Nevertheless, hair may not be subject that
is utterly exhausted, although many heads are
nearly exhausted of their hair. Something
may yet be written on that head, whether it be
good head of hair or not.
Hair seems to be almost as old as creation.
According to Darwin our remote ancestors were
quite covered with it. Hair-dressing in those
days was mostly carried on by parents and
teachers, who gave their children dressing"
when they didn't behave themselves, which must
necessarily have been hair dressing. Since
man has become comparatively hairless AMI
NAL, naughty children get their hides tanned"
can imagine the dismay which seized our
ancestors, the monkeys, when they discovered
themselves gradually losing their hair, they re-
sorted to restoratives, no doubt warranted to
produce good head of hair on any part of the
body Some of the younger and more topplsh
monkeys sought to supply deficiencies by
means of ingenious scratches" and the
thoughtful naturalist may have observed that
monkeys have been scratching ever since. But
all would not avail. The necessities OF the uni
verse required man, and one of the conditions
of his production was decline in hair. so
hair fell in the market at once, and there has
been marked falling off ever since, which no
invigorator, however invigoratingly applied,
has ever been wholly able to check.
| Tn tho rnOat diaraut apps of which we have
any record and among the most savage ma
tions the hair has been made subject OF Or
namentation. The American aborigine re-
CARDS it so highly that he will risk his own
hair in order to get that of his enemy's. But
the passion for wearing other peoples hair Is
not confined to the savage Indian by any man.
ner of means On the other hand, numbers OF
civilized men cover their bare polls with scalps
to which unknown heads have contributed and
our most cultivated and fastidious ladies add to
their own bewildering charms the crowning
glories of their more obscure and impecunious,
if not dead and buried sisters. If the! be not
departed airs" they give themselves, they are
often (h)airs of the departed.
Long hair came in with Samson. 1t didn't
90 out with Samson, however, although it was
the occasion of Samson's going out He may
have been man of brains although wearing
his hair of an extravagant length is against
that supposition. A great many men don't
wear their hair long-on the top of the head
Multitudes don't wear it longer than twenty
FIVE years. :.
That naughty young man Absalom wore his
&hair long in order to catch the girls, but it
caught the limb of q beech tree one day as he
was riding steeple chase, and Absalom was
absolutely fixed.
There are two periods in human life when
short hair is the prevailing fashion-nfancy
and old age In the first period our hair is
short, and in the second we are apt to be short
of hair.
The crowning glory of woman is said to be
her hair; and it is hers, of course, II she has
paid for it. have seen woman's hair fixed
up so it looked like morning glory. The art
of doing up hair according to the fashionable
requirements of the day is difficult one to at
tain, and woman who masters it fully must
give her whole mind to it. 1t is remarkable
how little mind is sometimes given to this gi-
gantic task.
Men can't do up hair worth cent saw
man doing up his wifes hair once, though
She had carelessly left it lying on the bureau,
and he was doing it up to carry away and sell
to get money to buy rum with. She caught
him in the act and charged him with it, but he
said twas false.
1t is related of certain Spartan women that
when their city was once besieged for a long
time, and bows pretty much exhausted Ia long
siege is very exhausting on beauX,) they made
bowstrings of their long and beautiful hair,
which so inspired the Spartans that they fought
with redoubled courage and vigor. thus beating
off their assailants, which they were bound to
do if they had particle of gallantry about
them. If women of the present day should
Al - sy,fo ctrtnn 1
afraid they would be of little account in tight
Jute doesn't work up into bowstrings worth
cent although it frequently serves to get beau
"on string" :,
Women as rule prefer men with good
head of hair. Many q man in search OF wife
his lost his suit because he wasn't sufficiently
hirsute. Another man may be hirsute and not
suit her. But so it goes.
Badness is no respecter of persons. 1t at
tacks alike the head of the family and the head
of the nation The Prince of Wales is said to
be nearly bald. To the crown he is heir ap-
parent, but there is very little hair apparent
on his crown.
Badness is rarely cured when it once be-
comes firmly seated. Preparations for bring
ing out the hair are only successful, as general
thing, in bringing out what hair was left when
the patient rcsorted to them. Our colored
| brother rarely becomes Dald, even Wnen lHe
wool crop is q dead failure We often hear of
a white man being black -balled, but it is only
occasionally that we see black bald.
A man in the wig business gravely assured
me not long ago that ''baldncss is gaining foot
in America every day." L don't know how
many feet it is gaining, but 1 find it getting
ahead of ME.
always liked bald-headed men. never
told them to "go up" when was boy, con-
sidering they were sufficiently gone up, as far
as hair was concerned Bald men may not al
ways get to be forc-handed Except in four
handed game of seven up,) but they can show
an abundance of forehead and four heads are
better than onc-if one is bald head.
The emblematic bird of our glorious coun-
try, the 'mericanegle, is bald and if an Ameri,
can becomes bald it is nothing to be bawled
! &C La;-