The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1872-03-15

Is not Horace Greeley a College.bred
man ?" asks a correspondent. mo,
sir he Is Graham bread man."
A Michigan blacksmith began work
with powder. flask in his pocket. The
new shop will be completed In March.
A Buffalo girl has taken advantage
of leap-year to such an inordinate ex-
tent that she is engaged to seventeen
men, and has been sued for breach Of
promise by nine more.
An Independent old lady, speaking
of Adam naming all the animals, said
she didn't think he deserved any
credit for naming the pig-any ono
would know what to call him.
Miss Ellen l.. Fletcher, of Charles.
town, N. H., having learned the trade
has opened jewellers shop, and the
watches of all the young men in town
are out of order in consequence.
"Two intimate friends in this city,"
says Baltimore paper, chad an ami
mated dialogue with red hot pokers,
and one of them has since had only one
eye on things In general"
"What Shall We Do With Our Girls?"
asks one of the suffrage-shriekers in
ltCtults II ntl kfllO ulO ilhtiy W
resemble their mother much, we think
she had better drown them.
A young lady in a Massachusetts,
town has taken up dentistry for liv-
ing. All the gentlemen patronize her.
One young man has become hopelessly
infatuated with her, consequently he
hasn't tooth in his head.
"Have you seen my black faced ante
lope?" inquired the keeper Of a mena.
gerie, slightly mis.pronouncing the
name of the animal.
mo" said visitor. "Whom did
your black faced aunt elope with ?"
A countryman in Savannah observed
a gang of darkies laboring on the streets
each wearing a ball and chain. He
asked one why that ball was chained to
his leg. "To keep people from stealing
it," said the darkey, "heap of thieves
about here"
A Michigan gin-mill keeper has this
evasive arrangement: You put your
ten cents on a spot marked "whisky;"
the apparatus revolves, and directly
you see glass of whisky standing be-
fore you, and you don't know, of course,
who gave it to you, or how 1t came
there.
A New Yorker wrote to General
Spinner, asking for his autograph and
"sentiment," whereupon the veteran
Treasurer wrote in reply: "You ask for
my autograph with sentiment. My
sentiment is this: When gentleman
writes another on his own business he
should enclose postage stamp"
A lady in Indiana, who soaked her
hair every day in cough medicine, un-
| der the impression that 1t was some-
body or others hair restorative, did not
| find out her mistake for ten months. 1t
| is lucky she made mistake, for the
stuff did no harm, and the "restora-
tive" would probably have left her
bald.
While rather affected young lady
was confding to her admirer how ethe-
real her appetite was, and the sensitive
matter.of fact help bawled out, "Say
will We have yer billed pork and beans
now or wait till yer feller's gomez"
The "feller' has been gone ever since.
A Harvard graduate who had been
more devoted to terrestrial than celes-
tial studies during his course, at his
"Mr.--, what planets were known
to the ancients ?" "Well, sir" he re-
sponded, "there were Venus and Jupi-
ter, and, ,"-after pause-"I think the
earth, but Pm net quite certain"
Coleridge was descanting, in the pres.
ence of Charles Lamb, upon the repul.
sive appearance of the oyster. 'It isn't
handsome, Coleridge,' said Lamb; but
it has the advantage of you in one
thing" "What is that ?" queried Cole
ridge, who, as every one knows, was an
exhaustless talker sit knows when to
shut its mouth" was the reply.
|. A number of passengers on South.
feelings of the single lady present re
, Trained from indulging their smoking
, propensities, felt that their courtesy
was unappreciated when the gentle
dame drew a we'll worn meerschaun
from her pocket and with nimble fin
gers proceeded to fill it with the strong
est of Virginia leaf.
A Georgia darkey to whom Senator
; Summers supplementary civil right
, bill was explained, characterized it a
"a trap to kill fool niggers." "You SCI
sab, some fool niggers will 60 to the Pu
5 laski house and Jest set hisself down by
!. white man and de white man will jes
t fro dat ar Niger out de winder ant
broke his neck"
, Parson b came out of his churcl
o one day when the walks were like glass
from The frozen rain upon them, an
had proceeded homeward but fey
steps, when down he went, fiat upo
the walk. Deacon j., who was jus
behind, bluntly remarked, "Ah, pa
8 son! the wicked stand on slipper,
9 places" "Yes, deacon" said the read
Q pastor, 81 see they do, but l can't"
J, A minister at a colored wedding
, | wishing to make some humorous re
marks, said, "On such occasions as thi
it is customary to kiss the bride, but
5 this case we will omit it," To this III
q gallant remark the indignant brid,
s groom very pertinently replied, 80
a such occasions as this it is customary
y give the minister $40, but in this ca:
- we will omit it,
" Here is the way they do things in ii
. diana: Within five months the Re-
!, Mr., Brock buried his wife, engaged hin
Ie self to three women, married one
them, was sued for breach of promi
;, by one Of the others, got a divorce al
u married the one who sued him for Il
1t breach of promise, was tried by an e
ir clesiastical council and suspended fro
,r conference, then went and Joined Il
- Campbellite church, and he and his thir
wife were both baptized.
A guest at a hotel in Belfast, Main
O. on beilg told that dinner was read
N stripped off his coat and, accompanit
ia by his wife, entered the dining-room
"A his shirt sleeves. A walter broug
~ him q bill of fare. which he regard
al curiously, and then laid 1t down. Pre-
NJ | A., hill of faFa rAlaa,
ID In his plate. Then he arose In !
~ wrath, and exclaiming, 81 didn't cor
u here to read show bills. l came aft
90 some dinner"
" We often read of instances of extr
ne ordinary presence of mind but one {
ed Cured the other day little ahead
IN anything we have seen or heard of la
,d ly. A bright little fellow, son of
~ mistress of well-known and popu
rs educational institution, was skating
of Lake View, N, j., when he bro