Dallas herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1849-1873, 1872-06-01
Two Russian testers.

| lcClcu aS luc idy hS"'0 "p"" ""'S"
! all popular jcsts are by common
consent displayed. The English
have their Joo Miller, tho Germans
their Schiltburgcr and Tyll Eulcn-
spiogcl, the Americans their Colo
mel Crockett, tho Orientals th,ir
Nasireddin el Khejah; and, in the
same way, the chosen godfathcrs Of
Russian hum or arc Balaklreff, the
jestor, and Marshal Suvorof. The
latter name has long since passed
into history; but tho former re-
quircs somc introduction to non
Russian readers. Popular tradi-
tions unto in representing Balaki.
ref as the constant attendant Of
Peter the Great, who tiures largely
in all tho stories attached to the
name of his buftoon. Many of these
stories are probably the fabrication
of Il later age; but fair proper
portion of them bear marks of au-
thenticity, and, as fair specimens of
national humor, are worth quoting
On one occasion Balakircf beg
ged permission of his imperial mas
ter to attach himself to the guard
stationed at the palace, and Peter,
for the sake of tho joke, consented
warning him at the same that
any officer Of the guard who hap
poncd to loso his sword, or bo ab.
sent from his post when summoned,
was punished with death. The
newly-mado officer promised to do
his best; but the temptation ofsome
good wine sent to his quarters that
evening by the czar, "to moistcn
his commission proved too strong
for him and he pal took so freely
as to become completely "screw-
cd" Whilo he was sleeping off his
debauch, PetefAstolc softly into the
room, and carried off his sword.
Balakirelf, missing it on awaking,
and frightened out of his wits at
the probable consequences, could
devise no better remedy than to
replace tho weapon with his own
professional sword of lath, the hilt
and trappings of which were exact
ly similar to those of the guardsmcn.
Thus equipped, he appeared on pa
radc the next morning, confident
in the assurance of remaining un-
detected, if not forced to draw his
weapon. But Peter, who had
doubtless forcsecn his contingency,
instantly began storming at one Of
the men for his untidy appearance,
and at length faced round upon
| Balakirefr with the stern order,
Captain Balakirclf, draw your
sword and cat that slovcn down =
The poor jester, thus brought
fairly to bay, laid his hand on his
hilt as if to obey, but at the same
time exclaimed forvently, "Merci-
full Heaven! let my sword be turn
cd into wood ~
And drawing the weapon, he cx-
hibited in very deed II harmless
lath. Even the presence of tho
emperor was powcrlcss to check
the roar of laughter which follow
ed and Balakircff was allowed to
escape.
The testers ingenuity occasional
ly served him in extrcating others
from trouble rs well as himself. A
cousin of his, having fallen under
the dispIeasure of the czar, was
about to be executed ; and Balaki-
ref presented himself at court to
petition for repriove. Peter, SEQ
inghim enter, and at once divin-
ing his errand, shouted to im,"lts
no use your coming here /; | swear
| will not grant what you alo 60
ing to ask p
Quick as thought, Ralakireff
dropped on his knees, and exclaim
cd, "Pcter Alcxcievitch, | bescech
you put that scamp of q cousin of
mine to DEATH" Petcr, thus caught
in his own trap, had no choice but
to laugh, and send a pardon to the
offender.
During one of the czar's Livon-.
ian campaigns, thick fog greatly
obstructed tho movements of the
army. At length pale watory
gleam began to show itself through
the mist, and two Of tho Russian Of
fccrs fell to disputing whether this
was the sun or not. Balakireff
happening to pass by at that mo-
ment, they appealed to him to de.
eide. ais that light yonder the
sun, brother r
"IIow should l know 2" answer
ed the Jester; "I'vo never been here
before! |" At the end of the same
campaign several of the officers
were relating their exploits, when
Balakircff stepped in among thom
ave got a story to TELL" cried he
boastfully; ~ better one than any oi
; yours !"
.Let us hear it, them" answered
the officers and Balakiref began !:
II never liked this way Of fight
ing, all in crowd together, which
, they have nowadays; it seems Il
, me more manly for each to stant
/ by himself; and therefore Away
. went out alone. Now it chancc'
/ that one day, whilc reconnoitrin.
!. close to tho enemy's outposts, sud
denly cspicd Swedish soldier ~
ing on the ground just in front o
me There was not moment 4
. lose he might start up and Civ
I the alarm. drew my sword, rush
J. ed upon, and at one blow cut oi
: his right footl'
. "You fool T. cried one of the list
> cners, "you should rather cut of hi
: head"
$50 would" answered Balaki
, ref. with a grin, "but somebod.
else had done that already"
g At times Balakireff pushed hi
!. wapgeries too far, and gave seriou
I offence TO his formidable patror
= On one of these occasions the en-
/ l. l.. A..