The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1872-05-16
A Husband who Couldn't Ap.
preciate the Dolly Vardens.

If husbands are to be mistaken in
ssDolly Warden" dresses, as was an
unfortunate husband in Philadelphia,
the sooner the fashion is squelched the
better will it be for the peace of soci-
ety. The husband in question one
night missed from the supper table
his wife Matilda. and inquired of his
little boy whittier she had gone, and
Just at that moment the dining-room
door opened and a lady entered. The
husband observed wild look in her
eve, and also noticed that she was at
tired in an outlandish style, having on,
as he says, a dress with sunfiowers,
and cabbages, and pumpkins worked
all over it, and lot of snakes squirm-
ing around for background.
Rising, the man said, MADAM,
whom do you wish to see 9'' and then
said aside, ss,Poor thing, she's crazy"
That last remark settled the business
for him, as the; weird female made a
bolta and tightly grasped his Adams
apple, and choked him until his face
assumed the color of a banner of the
Commune. After she had enjoyed a
surfeit of choking her husband she
Topped into chair, and with tears
coursing each other down her cheeks,
exclaimed : That should ever live
to hear my husband say that was
crazy - This amused the husband, and
,elevating himself to his full proper
tions, he said e,qf- s.;..,.. 3 .,tts1 a7sf
HYou can't blame me. madam, for
suppoeing you an insane woman, and
now, that l know you are really the
mother of these interesting children,
will YOU have the kindness to retire
to the sanctity. of your chamber and
peel Yourself of that piece of furniture
chintz, or window curtain, or what
ever it is you call it p ii.sa7 eisf -.
7, stWindow curtain ehintz !" said the
spouse s'why, it's you that's out OF
your head. That's Dolly Warden,
and a vsry pretty pattern, too."
sMadam," replied the husband, "wc
may be out of our heads, but if that is
a Dolly Warden, we are most decided
ly out of pocket. Why, it looks like
a circus dress and the idea of a wo-
man at your time of life i.H-
= ssMy time of life!P sas
b .Yes, your time of life. The next
thing,SI suppose, you will be practi-
cling the trapeze act in the back yard.
Why, it is enough to give man the
delirtasns itgepeens to look at it. Who
ever saw such a pattern? It's flash
wallpaper run mad. You look ex-
actly like some Japanese tea-sign.
And now just bounce out of here with
that Feejee battleflag, or you'll scare
the baby to death" ~. n ..
: There was an ominous pause for q
moment, aud then the eldest daugh'
ter said SID ,tf ..,a,Jt,. ~
. .Why, you ought to be ashamed OF
yourself, father. It's all the style, land
/ am going to have one, too; there
now, .ssYes,I and want one; all the
girls have-got them."'' Thus spoke Ma.
ria, the second eldest. 'tAuy more p
gasped the husband: ''are there any
more? Hadn't the baby better have
! one guess I'll get one myself. How
do they make up for pantaioons? Ha
no! hal (demoniaclly.) Let me have {
Dolly Warden. Let me clutch it
Bring me pattern of monkeys scaling
lamp -posts.' How would a Chinese
puzzle look, or. a map of Fairmonn
/ Park p. All the rest Is blank. Th'
unhappy husband has just been liber
ated from an asylum, and pronounced
cured. But the only way they mana
ged, it was to dress him up in Doll.
Warden, marked out with the grouEt
plan Of the streets of Boston. a