The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1872-11-21
yEXATlONS OF A FRONT YARD.


Uncle Sam" hands us in the follow
ing al ticle by the Fat Contributor"
which we hope our readers will enjoy as
we'll as we did.
We have recently moved into a house
that has front yard. We have always
lived in houses whose front yard was
the street. Children will play in the
yard whether there is a street running
through it or not After two or three Of
them had barely escaped being run over
by the teams that insisted on running
through our front yard, wife said she
must rent a house that hadn't any street
in it. So we did. But law! the children
don't make any account of it. They are
in the street as much as ever, accumu-
lating their daily supply of narrow es-
capes.
Wife said the yard looked bare with
out shrubs and flowers and vines I
limited that little grass would helm II
too. She asked me if 1 knew where I
eould get some, and 1 told her knew a.
little grass widow on the next street. If
she would do. I retreated, followed bv
the broom wife asked me to bring her
a few "annuals," when 1 came back. I
wondered what she wanted of annuals as
I rode down town in the street car. but 7
am accustomed to a blind obedience to
her requests, so when 1 went home at
night, L brought her some annuals.
There were !" DIR. Jaynes' Almanac" I
remember, and "The Odd Fellows An
nual Offering" and New Years Ad
dress " for 1862, and the birth Day
Gift" and numerous annual addresses be-
fore agricultural associations that had
accum dlated on my hands.
Good gracious !" exclaimed Mrs.
Boggs (she never swears like that except
under great excitement) "what have YOU
brought meY"
"Annuals, Mrs. Boggs," said 1. "You
SAID you wanted scme ANIMALS, and here
they are"
Then Mrs. Boggs burst out laughing
and cried, "Why you old fool, you, 1--WE
have been married twenty years, but
Mrs. B. calls me pet names yeti, the an
nuals meant are flowers, such as YER
benas, pansies, daisies, morning glories,
mignonette and the like, to set out in
our front yard" Then she took all the
ANIMALS had been ut so much pains to
collect and set them out i: the back yard
among OIner RUBBISH.
The next morning she asked me if I
thought I could get her some roses for
the front yard. Told her knew man
who had got lots of rose potatoes, but
1t wasn't the right tirae year for setting
them out. | have an idea that ground
is much better employed in raising po-
tato than in raising flower, unless it be
barrel of hour.) Wife said l hadn't a
bit OF taste. She then gave me a mem
oranda of roses she wanted. was busy
all day, but just as was about taking a
car for home thought of the roses. 1
referred to the memoranda and found
the following:
Get a few geraniums, frchsias, hello
trope, roses, bourbon, running rose,
Prairie Queen golden tea plant vines,
English Ivy, Wandering Jew, seeds, etc."
l studied it hard, but it was slightly
incomprehensible. She had evidently
got things mixed up. However, 1 went
to florists and told him what wanted.
Said l, a." Give me few geraniums and q
few she's, and"
4 few what ?" asked the flower man,
looking puzzled.
"a few She's" said I, turning very
red, know, for l couldn't tell for the
life OF me what my wife wanted of a
few she's about the place, as she could
never live in the same house with anoth-
er woman.
As the florist locked more staggered
than ever, l handed him the meme randa,
when he burst into loud laugh.
"Why man." he cried, "it's fuchsias she
wants p and then he roared again.
"Well, whatever it is, give me couple
OF yards OF it, anyhow, front and back
yard too"
You see I was mad.
1 got the things the memoranda SEEM
ed to call for at various places, and
went home. "Here, Mrs Boggs," said
l, testify, "are the things for your front
yard"
why, what is this?" she cried, as 1
thrust two-gallon jug upon her among
other things.
"Bourbon, my dear. found it on the
memoranda. Pretty thing to set out in
front yard, though. How long do you
s'pose it'll stay there with the neighbors
we've got I"
Boggs you are an ignoramus; that
memorandum was Bourbon Rose But
what is this nasty little book Z" holding
up dime novel with a highly colored
title-page representing gorgeous squaw
on fiery and untamed mustang.
THAT? Why you ordered it, didnh
you? That is Running Rose, or the
Prairie Queen one of the Beadls's, you
know"
My wife carried it at arms length and
threw it into the stove. Then she took
the jug of bourbon and emptied it into
the back gutter. While she was gone /
concealed Alexander Dumas' Wander.
ing Jew" which had purchased, for i
began 10 see that had made terrible
blunder in tilling that order. Il have
ascertained since that Wandering Jew
was the name of a vine, but how was ]
expected to know all about it y
THE PRESIDENT OF MEXICo.-The
election for President OF Mexico resulted
in the almost unanimous choice of Lerdo
de Tejada. The votes against him were