The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1872-03-30
HOME MATTERS
Pepper, Salt ana Spice.

his personal attention TO some little improve
mants on the same, the street, not the she'd lie
Will De required to have the street paved grained
and papered. The sidewalks must be calsomined,
and the fences vanished. a fog alarm whistle
must be put up az the depot, at one end, while
the American flag must be thrown to the breeze
at the glass factory, and lightning rod should
be put up in the middle of the street. When
these few improvements shall have been made,
no person shall be allowed on it who does not
wear gloves, own black-and.tan dog, and u
clean handkerchief. -. On Sunday evening last
lecture WAS delivered at Albrecht's II all on the
west side. A flaming poster was pasted on the
door OF q Teuton's butcher shop near by. That
butcher ever since has implanted of dull bust
ness. He says, der Y.ngse mans dey see dot
notice on de door by mine shop, und as dey can't
could read deutsch, dey say, Hello! Jake's got
the scitmnN boz! II is better what We get our
meat .Jielsct on some under place .".... We have
hit UPON plan for squelching that whistle nais.
auce at the glass factory. We have sent to Chi.
cago for a couple of ten extinguishers, one for
the whistle, and big one to put over the fellow
who grinds the plagued thing. We've got 'em
now ....A And now it has come to pass that IN
West Serena, in this county, all has not been
serene of late. On Saturday evening last the
literary people assembled At what IL known as
''Shirt.tail-bend school house There were OPP
posing sides as 10 whether a certain person, or
certain 0ther person should have the honor Of
presiding over the deliberations Of that august
assembly during the coming year. Aud then
and there the " ruction.' Hats, coats and
vests were reeled off, and fist. br.ndished in the
most reckless manner, while the '.hunder of the
captains and the shouting ecl,p-ed everything
in that way since the confusion of tongues, which
prevented the tower Of Babel from reaching
heaven. Towards midnight the belligerents be.
came calm from sheer exhaustion, and now all
is as lovely as the gentle zephyr that fans the
dew.drop on the bosom of the rose,-or words TO
that effect The popular proprietor of the
Clifton Hotel is stronger than Sampson. or any
any other man We saw him the othe, d.y
holding on his head all the United States and
territories besides Canada, Alaska and Mexico,
in addition to portions OF the Atlantic and Pa.
cific oceans. The map which show. the extent
cradle dust was afterwards found on the head
OF the Clifton.ist 80. During the recent meeting
OF the council name-sake, John Armstrong, was
put in nomination for bridge tender He was
defeated, every one installing that unfortunate
youth Cor Gus" We owe him an apology
1t is said that Cyrus Field is the bul.iest alder.
man in the city -. Every one around Senecs
knows 7. "P.' stands for Paddy the name
by which he is generally called. r is somewhat
fond OF the concentrated extract OF corn" An.
other gentleman the-eaw.y, of fine taste, coin.
planned If the low grade and inferior quality of
Seuec' .'pizen," md sent TO Chicago for . supe.
rior article which in due time came PER express
in FIVE gallon key. Paddy" was at the depot,
saw It pu, off, and hastily borrowing ws-htub
and five gallons OF "iorty-rod,' enptied the con.
tents of the key into the tub, filed the keg with
the "forty.rod," put the good article" in the
other kog, and departed happy and honest
man, and for week rejoiced in square drinks
h"genuine imported" while his victim drank
he poor truck" all unconscious of the differ.
nee. Fact. One day, not long ago, Lush"
'elano got dozen Of thoroughbred eggs. which
was trying to carry home FROM Whites brew.
y. Finding the load heavy. lie stopped at
.rd's to borrow a buggy standing at the door
te owner loaned the buggy, and while Lush"
getting in stole the eggs. Lush" drove
ne in great glee, and told his folks about what
ice setting of eggs he had there, and called
y out to get the eggs, while he held the horse.
StoOk the basket out which was eupposed In
Cain the egss, and won't into the house. He
e,imed, G'.lang, Blaze!" and started for
Il. The basket on being examined was found
tentan the following sundries bricks, a
drat, 2 broken bottles and small chunk of
ic The owner of the buggy went home in
dime, and had dozen "thoroug hbred white
Bhh eggs" for breakfast next morning.
~ went home, and on discovering how they
hatyed it on him, went GU, of the house ex.
ciR climbed upon the tow-path of the canal
quiz and then and there eased his mind with
mamphatic CALCULATIONS for about An hour,
andnting his hand towards the north star,
swc,engeancc-eterrsl vengeance!' A few
da1erwards no met his victim ut the same
plat before. Victim sends small boy to 70
sndg him quarters worth of fresh fsh-boy |
wenLush" followed and Whispered. he says, |
get tollsrs worth-boy did-victim paid.
"Lutole tho ish and has had nice fresh pike
everrniug since for breskfust....
hath charms to soo,h the savage breast
h violin We do our "eve best
Ac's acadsmy, once In while,
Ike hedous sounds like unto rasp or nle.