Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-04-05
HunOr.

stHas stood God help him y thirty years
May fairly claim the bed p
~~-~~~-oo~o~o~~~Oo~ooo~~~
Why is an old maid like an unsqueezed
lemon? Sha'nt tell
When is a blow from lady welcome p
When she strikes you agreeably.
Why is wife like bad bill Ans Be-
cause she it difficult to get changed.
To raise hops-Put smart, active toad
in each hill. Hops will soon appear.
When man has ''no mind of his own"
his wife generally gives him piece Of hers.
Why is the car-bell strap liks conscience
Because its an inward check on the outward
man.
Swans sing before they die; 'twere no
bad thing did certain persons die before they
sing.
The most warlike nation of modern
times is vaccination, because it is always 10
arms.
The day to pick your wife is Choose-day.
Weddens-day is the day to be married, Of
course.
Garrison says that the woman question
was an "all-embraoing" one. Who said il,
wasn't?
Sunday journals are discussing the ques-
ton "Can we cultivate rain p Doubtful;
but We can "raise thunder"
"Do you call this trunk ?" growled
porter. sit only needs lightning rod tt
be taken for boarding house."
What is the difference between French
pastry cook and bill sticker? One putfs
up paste, and the other pastes up pufs.
An Atlantic gentleman requests the thief
Who stole lis well-bucket and rope to come
ssaA ges she we'll, "a it IL of no use without
the FORMER.
"A medical student says he has never
been able to discover the bone Of contention,
snd he desires to know whether it is not sit.
uased very near the jaw.
IT'S home where'er the heart is, but it
is unfortunate for the health of mans hair
if he happens to be married. and his heart
is not where his home is
A young candidate for the legal profess
sion was asked what he should first do when
employed to bring an action. TASK for
money on account" He passed.
Daily newspaper paragraphing is getting
to be fearfully abbreviated. Here's speci-
men recording q death. ''Clay Spencer,
oolored. pint Of Memphis whiskey.
"Your Dress" said husband to his fash
ionable wife, will never please the men"
81 dou't dress to please men," was the re-
ply. 'but to worry other women"
Don't trouble yourself to stretch your
mouth any wider" said dentist to man,
who was extending his jaw frightfully, "as
intend to stand outside during the perfor-
nance"
A wag, in "what he knows about farm
ing" gives very good plan to remove
widows weeds. He says good looking
man has only to say, ''Wilt thou??' and
they wilt.
Ebenezer Cole, of Lachias, Canada, is no
2onger live Cole. He bet SIC that be
could drink two tumblers full Of alcohol,
but, dear me, the money didn't more than
pay for the coffin.
Shocks wants to know where all the pill
low cases 60 to. He says he never asked
q woman, while engaged on plain sewing,
what she was making. without being told
that it was pillow case.
Somebody who evidently knows chow it
is himself" ragely remarks that when you
see a young lady making q fuss over wild.
overs children, make up your mind that if
she don't soon have the right to spank 'em,
il won't be her fault
An Irishman applying for license to sell |
whisky, was asked if he possessed good |
moral character. Faith, yer honor" re.
Piled Pat. II don't see the necessity for a |
good moral character to sell whiskey"
Would ye plase men," said Bridget,
the other evening, San ID like ye to lind |
me the loan of your white dress to wear to |
party. I do hate to be askin' ye, for Dor.
rowed clothes niver fit mo like nv own" |
A lady in Atlanta tied her husbands
hands and feet the other day. just for fun |
and then went through bis pockets for a
certain billet doux, and found it. His ply.
stefan tells him that his face won't be badly
SCARED. though he may remain permanently
bald.
A California court has granted divorce
to husband on the ground that he was in
sane when he married. The Judge has the
immediate prospect of an immense business,
and the Pacific Railway Company is making
provision for an extraordinary travel west
ward during the spring
"My son." said mother to her young
hopeful, 'did you wish your teacher hap
py New Year p ''No ma'am," responded
the boy NWell, ghy mott" Because"
said the youth, "she isn't happy unless
she's whipping some Of us boys, and I was
afraid if | wished her happiness she'd 60 for
me-"
YOU Know HOW IT IS YouRsELE.-A
friend Of ours, who has been out on a gcn-
eral collecting tour, gives it as his opinion
that majority of his debtors would make
capital Legislators. The FIRST one to whom
he presented his bill 'laid it Oh the table"
III .ooond nassed his to "third reading