Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1872-02-08
OUR 4 PPETIZER.

put ohiy ono p, surely.
A Western editor reports money
"close, but not near enough TO be
reached"
w no was perhaps the only per.
son who went TO sea for fear Of
drownlngp Noah.
A prolific western paren. has
named four daughters May, Junia.
Julya, and Augusta.
"a lot of the prettiest little cot.
hnF Tor Christmas you ever saw ~ was
kentneky advertisement.
"A schoomastsr in Ohio aavsr.
tlses that he will keep Sunday.school
twice week, Tuesdays and Satur.
days
1900" Putty.eyed monster" is what
appeared in the paper of u Tennessee
editor who wrote, with respect, "pret-
ty aged minister"
---" See here, mister" said a lad,
driven up tree by a inrocious dog :.
"if you don't take that dog away, LII
eat up all your apples, Z"
--Erterprising circus men in Geor-
gla reap golden harvests by painting
a detormcd COW pea green, and show.
ing 1t As the famous Cundgrango from
South African mountains.
Market Reports. Tongue plen,y,
but going fast, brain scarce aud
wanted check, ful supply. pluck,
market bare; hearts unsteady, price
hucIaatlng, mostly sold for cash.
-" Harry" said a mother to her
littlo boy, yen shouldn't throw away
nice bread like that; you may want
1T before you die" " How could | get
IT though, if eat it now ?" Harry
asked.
"A Bay City man paid heavy ex-
press charges on box labeled "An
Australian mocking bird handle
with care )" and found il contained,
as he profanely remarked, "only an
old turkey gobbler."
Sammy thinks he would learn
much more ut school If be did not
have to attend to his own book ! tho
time. Because" he says, "if /
study my own book all the time shall
only loarn what there is in il, but il
hadn't any book to study, ] should
know all that the whole school arc
reciting,"
Here is Missouri papers notion
OF fthc high calling of journalism "Wc
are compelled to make this weeks is.
sue almost exclusively local and ad-
vertisement paper but hook out for
next weeks. 1t will be one of the
gayest, fiercest, hottest papers that
ever went forth from an American
news raggcry."
The New York Eceni,g Host is
wrestling with this conundrum No
Reward for All Answer--ff milk.
maid, four feet ten inches ia hight. 5000
while sitting on three.legged stool,
took four pints of milk from every ft.
teen COWS, what was the -isc Of the
held in which the animals grazed, aud
what was the girls age2"
--" Mother" said little Ned, ono
morning, after having fallen out OF
bed, =" think know why tell out
Of bed lao. night. 1t was because |
slept too near where got in. Musinu
little while, as fin doubt whether
he bad given the right explanation,
he added, No, that wasn't the rea,
sou; it was because | slept too near
where fell out"
The humor Of the late Jamcs
Fisk, Jr., of which SO much has been
recently said, is illustrated in his reply
TO a body Of his fellow citiznes Of
i5rattieboro, who wished him TO assist
in putting a new fence about the yer.
y graveyard in which Fisk VI as last
week buried. He said to the aston.
lshed applicants No; not a cent.
You don't need fence there. Those
that are in, are in no danger breaking
ont aud those that are ont surely
have no desire TO break in."
Punch gives the followsng views
Of a young " Fosltiyi.t:"
Parson-What IL q miracle ?''
Boy-Dunno."
Parson-Well, If the sun were 70
shine in the middle Of the night, what
should you say il wast
Boy The moon"
Parson--But IL you were told Il
was the sun, what should you say il
wasY
Boy--A lie,
Parson---I don't tell lies. Suppose
| told You it was the sun, wha, would
you cay then?
Boy-That yer waiu't sober!
--Guest--" How comes this dead
fly in my soup 2" Waiter --" In fact,
SIR, l have no positive idea how the
poor thing came to its death. Per.
haps 1t had not taken any food for a
long time, dashed upon the SOUP, ate
too much of it, contracted an inHam.
nation of the stomach that brought
on death. The fly must have a weak
constitution, for when served the