The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1872-03-07
Joke on Mark Twain.

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a The racy article by Mark Twain on
"Barbers,, In The Galaxy, last summer,
will be remember by all, The article
was In the humorist's happiest vein, and
many man who recognized its truthful,
if slightly overdrawn, statements enjoyed
hearty laugh while persuing it. 1t fell
like wet blanket on the tonsoral pro
fession, who, from one end of the land to
the other vowed revenge upon its au
thor if he ever placed himself in any of
their clutches. .Amog the tonsoral artists
in Syracuse who longed for chance to
Ego for the writer was Jacob Gilger
"Only let me get chance at Mark
Twain, said Jake. "He will stray into
my shop, some day, as it is the best in
town, and / will fix him worse than King
William ever fixed Napoleon Probably,
Jake never expected to have an oppor
tunity of getting even with Twain, but
such an opportunity did present himself,
Wendesday afternoon, and this is how
Jake improved it: -. -
The great humorist lectured in Wiet-
ing Opera House on Wednesday night,
and wishing to make presentable ap
pearance before his audience, he strayed
into Jake Gilger's barber shop to get a
shave. A gentleman present whispered
to Jake that the man in his chair was
Mark Twain, and on that hint Jake event
for him. Selecting the dullest razor in
the shop, he sharpened it up little, and
then, seizing Twain by the nose with a
grip that would bring down ballock, he
commenced to lather him. He soaped
him from chin to eyebrows, and rushed
the lather brush about an inch up his
nose and thence into both ears, poor
Twain, in the meantime, snorting and
squirting like steam engine blowing off
steam. In vain he protested that he did
not want his forehead and eyebrows
shaved.
keep STILL" says Jake, 81 know my
business --T T a17ds H. sraT
After soaping him until he looked like
an albino, Jake laid on the blade The
first stroke brought tears to Twain's eyes
The second brought him sitting posi-
ton with an exclamation. 1 ,l..
Il say, that razor is too dull to shave
me with" 80 h''H -tat q" p. eTr...
clay down." says Jake, thrustiug him
down into the chair again: "that razor
will cut a hair, 1 know my business. &
Twain groaned, and Jake pulled until
the beard was of, and good portion of
the skin with it. After shaving, Jake
proceeded to wash him up selecting the
dirtiest towel in shop, one that was used
for wiping off hair dye, and was as spotted
as Joseph's coat The spectators by this
time were unable to control their laug ghter,
and burst out into loud peals, in which
Jake heartily joined. Twain saw the joke,
but kept quiet. When Jake told him his
hair was coming out and offered to sell
him bottle Of hair restorative, price S3
per bottle, Twain replied: nr .-- f,
"Well, rather want my hair to fall
out? | have too much for comfort"
Jake then offered to sell him bottle
of ''boom of youth" telling him that he
was badly freckled. r
"Am f. said Mark, "well, rather
like that If | was good looking and far
to gaze upon the ladies would all fall in
love with me; and that would make my
wife uneasy. As it is, she allows me to
roam around the country without fear.
She knows my ugliness will protect me-"
/ Jake saw he could not perseeute Mark
any further, and, after brushing him off
in usty and vigorous manner, said,
''NIr. Twain, how did you like your
shave ?" "1 sH.HHf'
"Ohl!p said Mark, "this is nothing
new. Every barber in the country goes
for me in the same style / am used to
it, and in fact rather like it,
''Call again" said Jake.
"Not if 1 can help it, replied Mark
-""Good day" sia.a-,.- y.,y (.
Jake politely bowed Mr.. Twain out OF
the shop, and sent for gallon of lager
beer to recuperate his exhausted
energies But he feels that one barber is
even with Mark Twain.
ID 70 . -. .