The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1872-05-10
PLAIN DEALER,

The'Art Union-Marriage.
Height of coolness-Top of Mount
Washington.
IF Adam is accountable for "conse-
quential damages" he will have a
rough time of it.
A sign of the times in Washington:
Whitewashing done here.
If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each
of his children drum.
"Wild OATS are said to be the only
crop that grows by gas-light.
A man is usually refused credit for
one of two reasons-either because we
don't know him, or because we do.
"What's in dress?" says a popular
writer. Sometimes great deal and
sometimes precious little.
A youth Of ninety-one recently led to
the altar charming bride Of one hun
dred and six. 1t is reported that they
were married without the consent of
their parents.
Some one, feeling that actions are
better thar words, has said: "We read
Of the acts of the Apostles, but never of
their resolutions
In Indiana, bashful young men pop
the question by asking the fair ones to
''slidc down the hill of life with
them"
The SECRET of happiness is concealed
in appreciative content. If you cannot
have what you like, try to like what
you have.
A painter being asked to estimate the
cost Of painting certain house, drew
forth pencil and paper and made the
following calculation: "a naught is
naught; three into five twice you can't;
I'll paint your house for fifty dol
lars"
A correspondent of a Baltimore paper
wants to know why marriage and death
notices should be paid fer! For the best
of reasons: one is an advertisement of.
copartnership and the other is a notice
of dissolution. Business is business.
The local editor of an Illinois paper
says that he does not depend upon jour-
nalism for his daily bread, but raises
hens, which moves an envious rival to
ask whose hens he raises?
Olive Logan commenced one of her
lectures at Newark, recently, with the
remark, "Whenever see pretty girl,
| want to clasp her in my arms" $50
do we" shouted the boys in the gal
lery. For moment Olive was nom
plussed, but recovering her selfposses-
sion, she replied, "Well, boys, 1 don't
blame you"
An old lady told her sou to list the
door in order to keep out the wind.
'That will make it worse" he replied,
"for you well know the wind bloweth
where it listeth."
Somebody asks: Which gives a girl
the most pleasure, to hear herself prais-
ed or another girl run down.
A country editor complains that his
bank note dctcctor will be of little use
uni ess his subscribers pay their bills.
On the ground that it is impolite to
60 any where till you are sent for, some
sensible person argues against
suicide.
"Here's your invaders" shouted
member of the 18th Mississippiregiment
as Gen. Lees veteran army plunged
into the Potomac on it's way to Gettys-
burgh. "And here's your wetter'uns, -
echoed a gallant soldier of the old 4th
Alabama.
Sergeant Murphy delighted to chaff
the author of "Ten Thousand Year."
and often said: s'Narren, never had
the patience to finish that book of yours
but do tell me what became Of GAM
mon?' This question was never repeat
ed after Warren's once answering: '.Oh
they made him sergeant, and he was
never heard of afterward."
Among the announcements of births
in the St. Louis Republican, appears
this: "On the 9th inst, at jackson,
Mo-, daughter to Isaiah Poe, Sem,
Gagged eighty-fve) and wife.
An old topper being asked one day
who he persisted i'll drinking, replied,
"Dry makes me drink, drink makes me
drunk, and drunk makes me dry again."
The explanation was considered quite
sufficient.