The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1872-07-19
Varieties

- Varieties.
A PLEASANT kind Of husbandry-Re-
moving widows weeds.
A DEsiRABLE secoDd- hand .article-A
young, rich and amisble widow.
SxIGGLEs says thst his idea Of grain
elevator is realized in rye whisky.
MANY young men are 20 improvident
that they cannot keep anything but
late hours. 4.a ..s5,.a=,5
A CLERGYMAN at Waterloo has four
boys, the youngest of which is named
Doxology," because he is the last Of
the hims.
AGERxAN lately married says: Id
vas youst so easy as a needle could walk
out nit a camel's eye as 10 get der be-
hindt word init a voomans." ..s..a8s
A oRocEK is willing to admit that
honest tea is the best policy, hut when
it comes to coffee, he doesn't believe in
running the thing into the ground.
TIRE Danbury Ne0s says that when a
couple of young people strongly devoted
to each other commence to eat onions it
is safe to pronounce them engaged.
A New LONDON husband advertises
one cent reward for the return Of his
eloped wife, but doesn't think il
worth while TO have any one sent after
her.
WHEN a man comes to an end by
lesping out of q third-story window
he May be said to have jumped to q
conclusion in the most unFeas0ning
manner. r .r eTg as
THE only way to effectually destroy
/" widows weeds" which seetn testkfive
in some kinds of soil, is for the hus-
bsndman to say, "Wilt thou p They
generally wilt. s-a rtJ 4
al am afraid" said a lady TO her
husband, that l am going TO have a
stiff neck" "Not at all probable, my
DEAR" replied her spouse, al have seen
strong symptoms of it ever since We
were married" 'H - 'aF.- -
SALEM is, literally speaking, the "City
of Peace;" which accounts for the fact
that in Salem, Mass, forty DEGREES Of
divorce were granted last week. At
least eighty of the city's population are
thus once more at peace.
WALrER, five-year- old, was surprised
at breakfast by the presence Of a dimin-
utiye eae, served for his special delecta-
ton. He thus accounted for the eggs
smsllness Mamma, think the
was learning to lay"
A WITNESS under cross-exsminstion,
who had been tortured by lawyer for
several hours, at last asked for glass
of water. There" said the Judge,
" / think you had better let that wit
ness 60 now, as you have pumped him
dry"
Rev. NR. MATHEWS, Of Sigourney,
Iowa, recently gave the last of his chill
dren away in marriage. The reverend
gentleman loosely remarked: "4y-
self and the old lady are now back
where We commenced thirty years ago."
SoxE nice young men from the Uni
gersity, at Normal, Ill.,, were about to
descend coal shaft, and exchanged
hats for few moments with . party of
boys, in order not to soil their own. On
the boys couldn't be found.
A YOUNG man who had come into pos
'ession of large fortune by the death
II his brother was asked how he was
getting along "Ob," said he, 81 am
laving a dreadful time. What with get
ing out letters of administration and
Probate Court and settling
claims, | sometimes wish he hadn't
lied"
LITTLE WILLIE, being told TO sit still
turing thunder shower, asked what
he noise was. He was told by the awe
truck lady who had him in charge that
I was the voice of God, and again ad-
to keep still. But in spite Of
his injunction, as another and heavier
lap of thunder came, he broke out
With: "Why, Miss NJ, he's holleiin'
,ow." ..s........,
A RURAL citizen visited Boston res.
aurant, heartily enjoyed cup Of de.
icous coffee, and was on the point of
eaving when asked if he hadn't forgot
en- something. He made an exsmina-
ion of the table, and said he believed
lot. "Ten cents" was the next loconic
.emark. "One of the neighbors said
"a and coffee was on the free list now,"
aid the rural citizen, but won't be
mall, l swow; it's worth ten cents"
md rendering very emaciated piece
II currency, he left. 'sfH'<r