Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1872-09-26
}. Hold on, brother, etc.
3. Hold ON. sister, etc
4SuulorOt,s Readings.

A stunning dinner-The gong.
Spell Children at school.
A notorious eayesdropper-Rain.
The bal0onist's motto-air or naught.
The best paint for faces-Water-co
Ors.
To Rowers-Can dead man steer his
own corse?
You cant make corncd beef by giving
COWS whisky.
Are auctioncers naturally forbidding
class of men?
Dreadful news from Clcrkenwell-Thc
clocks have struck.
What is taken from you before you
get it? Your photograph.
There is one thing that can always be
foUnd-and that's fault.
Does cow become landed property
when she is turned into a field?
How to travel cheaply-Get wrapped
up in a novel, and 90 by book post.
The children say it's scold weather al
ways when house cleaning is going on.
A Chicago man named Tenney econo-
mically writes his name 'Xy"-that is,
10cy
Punch says he has observed that the
unfortunate mans friends live a long
way off.
Bad manuscript makes an editor think
sometimes that he keeps a house of cor
rectiOn.
What requires more philosophy than
taking things as they come? Parting
with things as they go.
Dr.. Johnson is reported to have said
that a second marriage is the triumph of
hope over experience.
If YOU let the cat out of the bag, never
try to cram it back again it only makes
matters worse.
A contemporary declares that gravity
is no more evidence of wisdom than a
paper collar is Of shirt.
The three stages of Darwinism are
now said to be, positive, tail compare
tive, tailor superlatiye, tailless.
\ ''suffercr" at one of the mountain
houses, says ''the flies come down to
breakfast at the sound of the gong"
A celebrated wit was asked if he knew
Theodore Hook. eyes" he replied
"Hook and eye are old acquairances.
Lord Brougham once said that no man
had any right to a nervous system who
does not possess two thousand a year.
In Petersburg, Va, the temperature
is indicated by its effect on paper collars.
1t is now reported at "three paper col
lars heat
Mrs Jones colored coachman being
told that his cockade is a badge of servi-
tude, replies that ON the contrary, 'It
szaaHa sign of delivery"
Some women have no memory when
they want to remember a thing they
should write it down and stick it on the
looking glass.
The Smiths had dinner at Pittsburg
on New Years day The first toast was
-Pocahotas-Heayen bless her for say
ing the Smiths to this country.
Do you wish, said Mr. Hunkes, that
your loss shovld be sincerely mourned
by your surviving relations Then leave
all your property, sir, to somebody else.
There is nothing like good defini-
ton, as the teacher thought when he ex-
planned the meaning of "old maid " as
a woman who had been made a very
long time.
A gentleman who has been arguing
with an ignoramus until his patience
was exhausted, said he didn't wish him
dead, but he would be very glad to see
him know more.
Tommy was cautioned against eating
too much luncheon, as it would spoil his
appetite for dinner. But Tommy said
he had rather have good luncheon than
a good appetite.
where are you gong SO fast, Mr..
Smith 2" demanded Mr. Jones. '.Home.
sir, home. Don't detain me. [ have
just bought my wife a new bonnet and
| want to be sure and deliver it before
the fashion changes.