davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18

A PRACTICAL JOKER BROUGHT TO
GRIEF.-Charles Farren, young gentle
man employed in one of the manufactur
ing establishments of Lafayette, Indiana,
went home to his boarding house at
late hour one night lately, and thinking
to give his landlady sensation, marked
his face with red keel. He walked into
the sitting room and had taken seat by
the fire before the spots were noticed.
The landlady, all absorbed, looked up
from her work in moment, and noticing
the spots on his face, asked, in evident
alarm, "Why Charlie. what on earth is
the matter with your face % Don't
know he replied, ''but guess.its only
the varioloid" Then was a scene better
imagined than described. The landlady
was at first paralyzed with horror, but
recovering in moment. she rushed to
the door, opened it quickly, ''Get out of
this mighty quick said she. '.Get
out.'' she screamed at the top of her
voice and deaf to all expostulation from
poor Charlie, she hustled him out with
out his overcoat In moment she OPEN
ed the door and kicked his overcoat and
cap out, as though afraid to touch his
clothing with her hands. Charlie stood
out in the cold, completely bewildered
with the unexpected turn affairs had tax
en-, when he heard window raised and
a gentle voice called him by name.
.. Here, Charlie, here is your trunk p
There was plunge in the snow, and,
sure enough, there was Charles new
trunk, with all its store clothes and per-
sonal effects. The practical joker sought
the first sheltering roof, but took the pre-
caution to wash his face in the snow.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18
Brick Pomeroy has filed in the United

Brick Pomeroy has fled in the United
States Circuit Court at New York his
answer to the complaint of Sadie E. will
kinson of New Haven. CT, for breach of
premise to marry. After pleading the
general issue, the answer sets up the
special plea that, at the time of the all
eyed promise to marry, the defendant was
a married man that the plaintiff was
..unchaste and habitually intemperate !"
that she was possessed of a very violent
disposition that, upon many occasions af-
ter the alleged promise to marry, she
threatened defendant with personal Vi
olence, land with pistol and other dan
gerous weapons, pursued HIM from time
to time and from place to place = that
in consequence Of such pursuit his life
was in danger, and that 1.-The conduct,
habits, disposition and temper of the
plaintiff . totally unfit her for marrying
anybody.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18
vana were employed to trim silks of the

vana were employed to trim silks Of the
same shade.
The third and last toilette de motia
was made in black cashmere, braided
over the entire dress, a heavy silk cord
and tassel confning it to the figure. A
rich quilted lining of maise silk COM
pleted this most stylish neglige. The
last. but by no means the least impor-
tant feature of this wardrobe. we're the
gloves. which were multiform in design,
and as varied in shades Extravaganza
in buttons, however appears to be the
most marked innovation in this impor-
tant portion of the toilet of this favored
Boston lady. Paris Paper.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18
Written for the Monitor.
JOE DOBBS.

Joe Dobbs is Pr0visionist-
A pleasant man to meat
His goods are always of the best,
From calves head to pigs feet.
His hair is cdrrOty. He stands
Behind turnip nose
Which can't be beet by any one
I'm bloiUed if l suppose.
Joe never thinks to be a Priest,
Yet many ''orders" takes
For bols, and broils, and chops and stews,
And fries, and roasts, and bakes.
He is quiet man withal:
With all men he agreGSe,
Like General Grant, his general song
Has bean lettuce have peas.
He seeks no Office, and he looks
On such things with derision
Altho he'd like to be upon
The great High Joint Commission.
His windows show goodly sight
Rarely reredled before;
Things of the incest Is )tripe are kept
In his provision store.
Thanksgiving thyme he was herbane
And Saiv sage would be wanted
For some sduory smell desired,
And their request was granted.
No Heathen Chinee is Joe Dobbs
No cue cuDtberS his head
No chop stick uses he to eat,
With truth it may be said.
lie has full faith in Holy Writ
And follows after Zion;
In baskets he will lay the lamb
Beside the ddndelion
But legal visits he quite abhors:
And when a bill is due it
Is not his tUeigh to measures take
By any means to suet.
Joe dosen't drink and doesn't chew,
Nor smoke nor swear, nor snore
And consequently he supposed
He needed nothing more
To make himself happy man
Except better-half;
For that he thought he'd but to ask
The great conceited calf.
One day he walked with Nancy Jane
Upon the bridge Of size,
When circumstances happened that
Excited his surprise.
He was about to fall in love,
When she fell In the river;
Twas surely thought that Nancy Jane
Would not long be liuer.
Joe was no cosoard loud she called
As loud as she could shout
At first he thought he found her in,
But soon he found her out.
He showed himself man of pluck,
And quick allayed her fears;
As she ducked in he went ker-SouSe
And took her by the ears,
And came ashore and set her down
Upon a log near by.
The girl proposed to treat him,-but
He said he was not dry.
Then he resolved to take a rib
And Nancy Jane should be it;
Alas he maid a great msstedE
For Nancy didn't see it."
She said that she Il hardly think
'Twould be so were she older)
Would not be hdmpered by man
And gave HIM the cold shoulder
He thought her joking as he clasped
And would not let her go;
His kiss she paid with interest,
And answered Not for Joe "
What did he do? Did he grow lean
And pine away in grief?
l rather guess he didn't, but
Went back to corning beef
PAUL.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18

The @KING's ENGL1sH.'-The alb
surdities of English grammar are thus
happily illustrated
Remember, though box
In the plural makes boxes
The plural of
Should be oxen, not "oxes."
To which some one adds -
And remember though fleece
In the plural is feeces
That the plural of goose
Isn't 'gooses' nor 'geeses."
Another
And remember though house
In the plural is houses,
The plural of mouse
Should be mice, and not ''mouses."
All of which goes to prove
That grammar farce is,
For where is the plural
OF rum and molasses?
The plural, say,
OF rum don't trouble
Take glass too much,
And you're sure to see double
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18

The following is fashionable way to
play a three-handed game of cards in
Texas. The first holds the cards, the
second evolver, and the coroner the
inquest.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18
A WIFE DESERTED.
Married to an Aged Fop, and Deserted
5000 Miles from Home-FStzgerald's S
Courtship Of Keen California JVid-

IH07T1eG 10 an A9e0 FOp. ana DeSeTJe0
5000 Miles from Home-FStsgeralds
Courtship ofa Keen California JNd-
OaC.
A week ago last Friday, Mr.. Michael
Fitzgerald and his wife arrived in New
York in the steamer Henry Chauncey
from California, en- route for the Cape of
Good Hope. AS the steamer for South
ampton was not yet ready to sail. their
trunks were sent down to the steamship
office, and they went to board at the
Grand Central Hotel On Saturday Mr..
Fitzgerald disappeared, and it was sub
sequently ascertained that he sailed that
morning. abandoning his wife.
About ten months ago Fitzgerald, who
is an Englishman, arrived in San Fran
cisco from the Cape of Good Hope. He
went to board in the Lick House. He
lived like prince, and although he is
over fifty years of age, was a very fast
man. Four months after his arrival in
San Francisco he was introduced to a
charming and well-to-do widow, Mrs.
Oracle. A general round of amusement
followed the introduction, and soon af-
terwards Fitzgerald proposed marriage
but was rejected by Mrs. Oracle. Moth
ing daunted. the gay cavalier renewed
his attentions with redoubled vigor. He
told her of his immense wealth, and pic
tured to her the beauties of the climate
and the pleasures attending residence
at the Cape of Good Hope. He perse-
vered, and married the widow
But there were certain little provis-
ions to be made in the marriage contract
before she would yield her final compli-
ance Mrs. Gracle was too old bird to
be caught with chaff. and she did not
propose to be made the dupe of a posi-
BILE adventurer Mr. Fitzgerald was the
possessor of certain property at the Cape
of Good Hope. which he valued at S40,-
900. This Mrs. Oracle coveted, and
she would not agree to marry him until
he had given her an absolute deed of
the Cape of Good Hope property. He
yielded, and they repaired to the Office
of HI. B. james, a lawyer of San Fran
cisco, and the deeds conveying the prop
erty to the widow were signed and de-
livered She then made preparations
for the wedding, which was to be solem-
nized the night before the steamer sailed
on which they were to take passage for
this city.
At the appointed time they were mar
sailed on the following morning at
o'clock
When he left the hotel on Saturday
morning he told his wife that he had a
draft on London which he wished to sell,
so that he might buy tickets for South
ampton. Never mind don't sell the
draft until we reach London" said Mrs.
Fitzgerald 81 have 500 you can have
to use until we reach London" She
gave him the money and he vanished.
Capt. Samuel Levins found the de.
serted wife's trunks in the baggage room
on the pier, broken open and rifed. The
deeds to the Cape of Good Hope proper
ty were not there. nor was anything else
that was worth dime. Mrs. Fitzger
aid was thus left at the hotel with only
$40 and board bill to pay Some kinc
friends have come to the rescue, and sht
announces her intention to start on Sat
urday in pursuit of the fugitive.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18
M1eHrY FoND OF THE W1pows.-Th

MIGHTY FOND OF THE WIDows.-The
following story is related of an old man
of strict creed and high moral standing
in community near this city. 1t is
said Immediately following the death of
his third wife he donned his coat and
hat. and with a smiling face, that indi-
Gated no thought of a failure, summoned
a widow lady living in the neighborhood
to the door, and announced the news to
her thus: ''Good mornin', ma'am. I'm
round tellin' folks how my old woman $
dead Don't know for sartin that |
shall get married again. You are aware,
howsomever with a knowing wink, that
I'm mighty fond of the widders." His
fourth marriage has been placed ON rec
ord.-Nashua (N. H. Telegraph
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18

give yourselves to all that is good and
noble; that genuine beauty of character
which illumines the countenance, and
which is blessing to the world.
p
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18

CoURTING UNDER DIFFICULTIEs.-A
widow lady residing near Richmond,
Va, who was fast becoming convalescent
from an attack of sewing machine, life
insurance, and subscription book agents.
lately employed hired man-a Swede
to work around the house, but more
especially to drive away all male callers
of speculative turn of mind, like those
mentioned The ''help" did not under
stand English very well, but by gestures
implied that he was worthy of hire, and
would ''keep up his end of the house. ;"
An evening or two after, young gentle
man who was paying attention to the
widows daughter. called, as was his tri-
weekly custom-rang the bell-but felt
quite put out when man sprang from
behind corner of the house and threw
him into the middle of the street. The
suitor arose, pulled the plug hat from
over his face, where it was jammed, and
started for the gate again. He was still
further surprised to find himself playing
leap frog over rose bush. moment lat
er followed by human iend, who made
pass at him every third second with a
boot about the size of a dry goods drum
mer's sample valise, while the owner of
the latter remarked, "You no come fool
ing around dis pla-is. | pud ub yob
on you" Luckily the lady of the house
appeared at this iuncture, and succeeded
in stopping hostilities The hired man
went back to the barn to sleep, and the
intended son-in-law was invited to re-
ceive an explanation. 1t took the fami-
| ly three hours to sew ON ruptured but
tons and patch up his clothing so that
he could go out again and not be picked
up by the police as suspicious charac-
ter. He hints around that if he 'mar-
ries into that family, the first radical
change in the domestic cabinet will be to
discharge that Swede (.who put up a
yob on him under the civil reform bill. .
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18
THE NEW CHURCH ORGAN
DY WILL NJ. CARLETON

They've got bran new organ, Sue,
For all their fuss and search;
They've done just as they said they'd do,
And fetched it into church.
They're bound the eritter shall be seen
And on the preachers right,
They've hOisted up their new machine
In everybody's sight.
They've got a chOrister and choir,
Agin MY voice and vote;
For it was never MY desire
To praise the Lord by note,
I've been a sister good and true
For five an thirty year;
I've done what seemed my part to do,
An prayed my duty clear;
I've sung the hymns both slow and quick,
Just as the preacher read,
And twice. when Deacon Tubbs was sick,
/ took the fork an led!
And now, their bold, new-fangled ways
Is comm all about;
And l, right in my latter days,
Am fairly crowded out
To-day the preacher, good old dear,
With tears all in his eyes.
Read-"I can read my title clear
To mansions in the skies.''-
l alays liked that blessed hymn
s'pose / alays will;
1t somehow gratifies MY whim,
In good old Ortonville;
But when that choir got up to sing.
| couldn't catch a word
They sung the most og-gOndest thing
body ever heard!
Some worldly chap was standin' near,
An when l seed him grin,
| bid farewell to every fear
And boldly waded in.
thought I'd chase their tune along,
An tried with all my might;
But though my voice is good an strong.
couldn't steer it right
When they was high, then was low,
An also contrawise;
And too fast, or they too slow,
To mansions in the SKIES"
An after every verse; you know
They played little tune;
didn't understand, an so
l started in too soon.
l pitched it pretty middln' high,
fetched lusLy tone.
But oh, alas l found that
Was singin' there alonel
They laughed little am told;
But had done my best;
And not wave of trouble rolled
Across my peaceful breast.
And Sister Brown-I could but look
She sits right front of me;
She never was no sngin' book,
IA
But then she al'ays tried to do
The best she could. she said;
She understood the time, right through,
An KEEP it, in her head;
But when she tried this mornin,' oh,
had to laugh, OF cough
1t KEEP her head a bobbin' so,
1t e'en Almost came off,
An Deacon Tubbs-he all broke down,
As one might well suppose;
He took one look at Sister Brown,
An meekly scratched his nose,
He looked his hymn right thro' and thro'
And laid it on the seat,
An then pensive sigh he drew,
An looked completely beat.
An when they took another bout,
He didn't even rise,
But drawed his red bandanna out,
An wiped his weepin' eyes.
I've been a sister good an true
For five and thirty year;
I've done what seemed my part to do,
An prayed my duty clear;
But death viii stop my voice know,
For he is on my track;
An some day l to church will go,
An never more come back;
An when the folks get up to sing
Whene'er that time shall be
do not want no patent thing
squealin' over me!
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18

A Baltimore cigar-dealer has dug nm
in his cellar a box containing five canvass
bags filed with gold and silver coin
and curiously-wrought gold chains. in
all valued at about 81 900. The money
was of foreign coinage, and date bore
from 1742 to1795.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18
DADDY'S BOY.

In certain small town on the Mis-
sissippi lived man who made horse
trading a business. He bought up
horses for the city market, and was
considered pretty good on a trade.
One day long, lean, queer green
looking specimen of the Western
country, arrived at the dock with a
boat load of horses. He inquired for
the horse jockey.
Daddy sent me down with some
horses" he said in a half idiotic tone.
"Who's he?"
Daddy"
"What do you want for ryourhorses?"
Daddy said you could set the price"
was the reply.
'Let me 90 down and look at your
horses" said Brown, and accordingly
they were soon on the boat.
Brown examined the horses and
named the price he would give for
this one and that, but the country
pumpkin made no objections, although
some Of the offers were not more than
one-half of the real value of the ami
NAL. One of the bystanders gently
suggested to the countryman that he
was being cheated, but he returned :
Daddy said Brown would set
price himself" and so Brown had it
all his own way.
At last they came to an animal
which did not look much superior to
the rest.
Il must have more for that amer
nal" he said, "daddy says he can run
some.
"Run p said Brown, chat nag can't
run worth cent"
Daddy says so, and daddy knows"
"Why I've got one in the stables
that can beat it all hollow"
Guess not" said the fellow, diets
try 'em. I'll bet the whole boat load
of horses on 'em."
Brown smiled.
"I'll stake five thousand dollars
against your boat load" said Brown,
winking to the crowd, ''and these
men," selecting two, "shall hold the
stakes"
Browns five thousand was entrust-
ed to one, and the other went Oh
board the boat.
One of the crowd started to remon-
strate with the poor idiotic fellow, but
he only responded =
0Golly! dad told me he could run
some, and daddy ought to lose 'em if
he was such a tarnal fool as to tell me
when he couldn't"
Browns sleek racer was brought
down, and Brown mounted him. The
country lad led out his animal and
climbed on his back, looking as un
couth and awkward as the horse he
proposed to ride.
The word was given and they start
ed, amid the laughter Of the crowd.
At first Brown was ahead, and it
looked as if the poor fellow was to be
badly beaten, when his horse plunged
forward, and the jockey was left far
behind. Such going had not been
seen in those parts for long time,
and poor Brown was crest-fallen, as
the cheers of the bystanders fell upon
his ears.
"I'll take the spondulix, said the
countryman, riding up, dad was right.
The anermel can get around a little
anyway"
Brown tried to say it was all joke,
but the fellow would have his money.
81 guess / won't trade today" he
said as he put it in his rough leather
pocket book. "I'll 90 back to daddy
In vain Brown tried to induce him
to trade, but he pushed off his boat:
resolutely saying, 'Fd better 90 back
and tell daddy"
Brown was completely "sold,' fol
he knew that the green countryman
was shrewder than people imagined
and just came there purposely to wiz
his money from him. Next time he
didn't ridicule a horse that s'daddy
said could run"
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18

THE VAGABoND SAGE.-An old man
of very active physiognomy, answering
to the name of Jacob Wilmot, was brought
to the n. Y. Police Court His clothes
looked as though they might have been
bought second hand in his youthful prime,
for they suffered more from the rubs of
the world than the proprietor himself.
'What business?'
''None. I'm a traveller. y
"a vagabond, perhaps?'
.'You are not far wrong. Travellers
and vagabonds are about the same thing.
The difference is that the latter travels
without money, and the former without
brains"
''Where have you travelled ?"
'.All over the continent. y
For what purpose p
observation
''What have you observed p
"A little to commend, much to cen
ture and a great deal to laugh at
''Humph what do you commend %
"a handsome woman who will stay at
home an eloquent preacher who Will
preach short sermons ; good writer
that will not write too much and fool
that has sense enough to hold his
tongue
''What do you censure %
"a man that marries girl for her fine
clothing youth who studies medicine
while he has the use of his hands and
the people who will elect drunkard to
office"
.'What do you laugh at ?''
Il laugh at man who expects his
position to command that respect which
his personal qualifications and qualities
do not merit.
He was dismissed
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18

NTH0LESALE ana retail dealers in Flour, Corn,
w Pork and Lard Pants and Oils, Hardware,
West India Goods Groceries Butter and Cheese Also
Wm L. Bradleys l. X L. Phosphate and Sea Fowl Gu
anO.
AARON TwoMBLY. J. L. TwoMBLY.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18

A TTORNEY AT LAW and Solicitor in Chancery
"A viii attend courts in Orleans and Caledonia
counties. Prompt attention given to collections
Greensboro, Vt.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18

More are drowned in the wine cup
than in the depth of old ocean.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18
w. w. EATAN.

A ITORNEY and Councillors at Law and Claim Agent.
"A VIII attend the courts in Orleans and Caledonia
counties. Barton Vt.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18

PoULTRY-Half feed, and you loose
all you give them. Feed well and you
get paid well.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
DIR. PARKHURST,

TRAsBURGH. will be at e. W. Langmayd's Hotel
i in Coventry, Friday Of each week. from to p.
NJ Agent for watertown, N. S. Truss Kept con-
stantly on hand.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18
j. l.. WOODNIAN,
MRS. GEO. G.. DAVIS,

DEALER IN BOOTS, SHOES, and findings ofthe
IL best kind and quality. offered cheap for cash.
Store over A. & j. L. TwOmbly's.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18
A. C. ROBINSON,
WM. w. CIRCUIT,

WyHOLESALE dealer in Flour, Grain, w J. Goods
w Groceries, Lime, Plaster, Oil, Fish, Salt Iron
Steel, Nails, Glass, &C.. Depot Store, Barton, Vt.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18
j. Z. DWINELL.

THEELWRlGHT, Carriage Maker and General
w Job Worker Open and Top Buggies and va
rious styles of carriages always hand Glover Vt
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18
l.. II. WOOD, JR.

MISS A. }. CUTLER,
NTILLINERY, DRESS MAKING G and pattern rooms.
WI Barton, Vt.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18

E.G. STEVENS,
SURGEoN DENTIST Barton Landing, Vt.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18
WARNER BROTHERS $,

TNINsMITHs All kinds of jobbing executed with
Il neatness and despatch. PeddleIs wanted. Look
atour assortment of Sugar Tools before purchasing
elsewhere.