Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1872-07-04
Varieties.
A NICE Polarexpeditions.

s<i Varieties. ctsTU1
A NICE business-Polar expeditions.
DIVERS amusementAPearl fishing.
JOSH BILLINGS says q Whenyoh strike
lie, stop borin' menny man haz bored
clean thru and let it run out at the
| BOTTOM
A LAWYER in st. Louis attempted to
try case the other day when he was
half drunk, but the judge stopped him,
saying, No lawyer can serve two bars
at the same time" .s--,t
A BORE meeting Douglas Jerrold, said,
Well, what's going on today" g
am," exclaimed Jerrold, darting past
the inquirer. o i9e7 Deg
WHY was Pharaoh's daughter like a
panic because she got a little prophet
from the rushes on the banks.
"W1FE," said a man, looking for his
boot.iack, +" have places where keep
nv things, and you ought to know it."
eyes, ought to know where you keep
your late hours-but / don't.
MRS. KERNEY, of New York, showed
the warmth of her affection by thrust
ing a red-hot poker down her husbands
throat.
rapier to prick all fools and knaves."
His friends, if they are prudent, will
take it from him. He might commit
suicide. . ..e.'f
They tell of sharp Yankee down on
Cape Cod, who, being told by tho post
master that his letter weighed, trifie
over half ounce, and therefore required
another stamp, with his pen-knife cut
off the corners of the letter, and thus
reduced its weight to single-stamp
standard.
81 CANE for the saw, SIR" !" What
saucer?" Why, the saw, sir, that you
borrowed" 81. borrowed no saucer"
Sure you did, sir; you borrowed
saw, SIR" Il never saw your saucer"
But you did there's the saw now,
SIR" "Oh, you want the saw; why
didn't you say so?"
ONE of the incidents not mentioned
by the San Francisco press on the 22d,
took place at the corner of Montgomery
and Market streets. AS the Masonic
Order were filing past, little girl called
the attention of her mother to them Oy
exclaiming, oh, mother, see how many
walters there are in the paradeY
"WHAT do you think is the best thing
in oil here 2" SAID Mahlstick to friend
inspecting "a private collection ofpaint-
ings belong to a gentleman of New
York; BEST thing in oile why the
sardines," said the interrogated, as he
made fresh attack on the edibles.
AT a recent examination of one of the
schools in Washington, the question
was put to a class of small boys: Why
is the Connecticut river SO called ?''
when bright little fellow held up his
hand. "Doyou know, Jamesgu Yes,
ma'am because it connects Vermont
and New Hampshire, and cuts through
Massachusetts, !" was the triumphant
reply. :aoo
THE st. Louis Republican, knows of
poet who wishes to engage in the obitu
ary business because he thinks he can
excel. Judging from his effort we be-
lieve he is right. Here is a specimen OF
what he can do:
Here lies the body of Matthew Penn,
When did he die Of what can't tell7
Then ask no more; he wore it well.
Here lies the corpse of Patience Doe,
% Who bore through iifS ;.Se5 fs5es5; t1
1t did no good to lance her.
THE Bay City Journal says: That
small, red-headed boy who. SO kindly
came in front of our Office, and seated
himself on the railing, and tipped him.
self over into the basement, creating
| momentary fright among the passers-by,
| has eve locals: sincere thanks. While
| men, women, and children were anx-
iously looking to see how badly he was
| injured, he came up stairs, leaned over,
and looking down, remarked "Il do
it again for five cents"
PROF. MUNsoN, NJ. D., respectable
/ rI6In0
one day upon a cream-colored horse,
followed by Judge Edwards, whose rep
utation in the department of the COM
mon virtues was not good. The gentle
men were intimate acqHaiutances, and
4 were capable of perpetrating and enjoy
ing a good joke. The Judge quickened
the movement of his horse, and, as he
approached DR.. NJ, repeated part Of
the eighth verse of the sixth chapter of
Revelation, thus: "And looked, and
behold pale horse; and his name that
sat on him was Death"
The Doctor. turning to the Judge, re-
peated the remainder of the sentence,
thus: And He'll followed with him"
President Buchanan re-
marked in one of his messages, that
"ever since the origin of our Govern
ment, we had been employed in nego
tiating treaties with Great Britain, and
afterwards in discussing their true in
tent and meaing." We have not gone
out of that business yet.
8 Miss LoTTIE RAY, colored graduate
of the Howard University Law School
q was last week admitted to the bar o
y the Supreme Court of the District o
Columbia.