The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1872-01-19
Humorous.
In the course of an Illinois discussion,
man chad ravine built in the back
of his head with pop BOTTLE"

DtCduSt hTS. lIdhb 10
get up and start fire.
A pistol fell from Macon matelpiece
and convinced a neighboring colored
infant that all is vanity.
The New York Post thinks the uni
corn is called the unicorn because of its
unique horn.
One of the dancers in the "Black
Crook" is said to be the daughter of a
real duke. A-leg.sis,"
A benighted New Havener grew very
indignant because they wouldn't sell
him two three.cent stamps for five
cents.
Because q man who tends flock of
sheep is shepherd, makes it no reason
that man who keeps cows should be
called coward.
We hear a great deal about labor re-
form, but there seems to be a greater
need of reforming some of those fellows
who don't labor.
An exchange says: "It is an insult
to the people of Mississippi that Ames
should register his name at Washington
as a Mississippi Senator" He doesn't.
A Sac county Iowa horse broke his
neck the other day while scratching his
nose with his hind foot Moral-dOn't
scratch your nose with your hind foot.
A man once went to an eccentric law
yer to be qualified for some petty office.
Hold up your hand. I'll swear you,
but all creation couldn't qualify you"
A Brooklyn mother advised her
daughter to oil her hair, and tainted
fiat away when that candid damsel re-
piled, "Oh, no, ma; it spoils the gentle
mems vests.'
Mr.. Hamill, of Indiana, held on to the
muzzle of his gun while he kicked the
snow from his boot heels. He doesn't
practice on the piano to any great ex-
tent at present.
A thoughtful Danbury lady puts lard
on the stOop when she wants her hus-
band to stay at home of an evening.
Barring an hour or so devoted to rub
bing his back, The time is pleasantly
occupied.
An old lady from one of the rural dis
tricts astonished a clerk in one of the
stores, few days ago, by inquiring if
he had any "yaller developments sich
as they did up letters in."
A young man in our town being
charged with laziness, was asked if he
said the disrespectful son, "father's got
all the laziness he ever had"
A lady at the British Museum asked
if they had a skull of Oliver Crom-
we'll. Being answered in the negative
-" Dear me-" said she, "that's very
strange, for they have one at Oxford"
The New York Evening Post perpe-
| ate pun: 1.-THE polite bow of Russia is
called the koutou. When Alexis bland
he COOS, then his visitors koutou."
In a California theatre, a few nights
since, large red apple fell from the
gallery and struck squarely upon the
| bald and shining pate of gentleman
in the dress circle, then bounded into
the orchestra and broke a fiddle.
A doctor, who was arrested because
his patient died, has been acquitted OF
the ground that he did the best hecould
giving all the medicines he knew the
names of.
A Franklin street gentleman and hi.
wife had little argument Christina:
her stockings up for her, which he did
but inadvertently omitted to take he
out of them. She stood on her head
for nine minutes, when the neighbors
arbitrated.
Scene in the cars A candy. boy, pass
ing through a car, meets a cross ole
gentleman, and says, "Pop corn! POI
-" . Hain't got no teeth" angril!
replies the man. "Gum drops gun
drops!' calls the smart boy.
A Chicagoan last week killed himsel
by blowing out his brains with gul
loaded with water. This should be
proof that water may go to a man
head, and produce as serious results a
alcoholic liquors.
Christiansburg, Va, is in ecstacie
over venerable turkey gobbler VIII
has builded for himself a nest and i
now gravely sitting upon four apples
1t is presumed that his action is intend
ed as grave satire upon the woman
rights business.
1t is stated that before hanging ma
in Louisiana, they let from fifteen t
forty reporters for the newspapers " ia
terVieW" him for three weeks. Tn
poor fellow is then not only willing bu
anxious to be hanged.
A contemporary thinks that 9Th
graceful ease with which a CalifOrni
: stage-with its load of passengers-a
, lows itself to be robbed in pairs or singl
is more creditable to the courteous goo
J nature Of the travel on the Pacific Goa
. than to their personal courage
a Rhode Island man has been arres
Il g.
obstruct their tracks. His excuse va
that he had to take log of wood hom
t and if the State is not big enough f
+ him to lay down in it without blockin
" all the railroads, the fault lies wit
) somebody besides him.
, At a social party, where humorol
- definitions was one of the games OF q
evening, the question was put "Wh
}. is religion ?" "Religion," replied o
o of the party, more famous as a man
- business than of wit, sis an insurau
against fire in the next world, for whi
N honesty is the best policy"
IL There is a little railroad at Bay
Sara, La, that runs to Woodville, OF
very uncertain schedule. A strang
a came in the other day and inquired ht
T. often that steam car made trips to
- country lIl-Weehly, WAS lllS rep
"What do you mean by tri-weekly
lie 1T goes up one week, and tries to COZ
1t down the next"
A story is told of a man in Come,
cut, who fell from the roof of fl
,ff story building to the sidewalk but,
he struck on the thick soles of his II
ber shoes, he bounced back within
re quarter of an inch of the roof, and
con tinued to bounce, the distance
ry ing decreased by only quarter of
vi inch at each journey. He subsisted
- hash inclosed in rubber balls, which
ot managed to catch on the bound, and
IN the end of a month was stopped and
IS. stored to his family.
if A lady made her husband a pres
il of silver cup with an angel at the
tom and when she filled it for hin
used to drink il TO the bottom, and
asked him why he drank every d
I'm because, ducky," he said, 81 Ions
TX. see the dear little angel" Upon wi
are she had the angel taken out, and ha