Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-12-20
EAulnOr.

Never have wooden leg made of oak,
because the oak is apt to produce acorn
The latest definition of gentleman is ga
nan who can put on clean collar without
being conspicuous.
There is little negro in town so bow.
legged that he has to have his breecaes cut
out with circular saw.
Why does DR.. Cummings son resemble
lady recovering from fainting fit Be-
cause he's Cumming, too.
A Wisconsin editor was called out of bed
one night to receive subscription. After
that he sat up nights over week, but the
offence wasn't repeated.
An editor says his ancestors have been in
the habit Of living 100 years. His oppo-
nent responds by saying that "tbat was
before the introduction of capital punish
ment."
When Shakespeare wrote about patience
on a monument, did be refer to Doctors pa
TENTS? No. How do you know be didn't?
Because you always fnd them under mon
ument
A veterinary surgeon who lived at Buffa-
10, N. Y tried to ''founder" his mother
in.law by dancing polka with her until she
got warmed up and then giving her all the
iced lemonade she could drink.
jacksonville, Tenn young ladies' tie
up their taper fingers. and when the young
gentlemen callers in the evening inquire the
cause, blushingly reply I burnt them
while broiling the beefsteak this morn
ing"
Titusville girls now refuse to go boating
with Points, of the Press. He took par.
ty out recently. and persisted in moving his
quid of tobacco from one jaw to the other,
thus rocking the boat and Tightening the
girls.
In the Apache country the indians are
said to have become SO peaceable that it is
hard to tel relskin from white man the
only difference being that the write usually
has DO ccalp rnd the Apache has two or
three.
The Mayor Of Boston has issued proc
lamation forbidding the use of busiles of
newspapers containing maps Of the burnt
district. He says be wants his felow.citi.
zens to realize the full extent of their ca.
lamity.
A young man who went West from Dam
bury, Conn, few months ago. has sent
only oneeletter home. 1t came Friday It
said "Seud me wig" And his fond pa
rents don't know whether he is scalped or
married.
A certain Miss uuguardedly volunteered
the remark, in amily-circle, that, 'wben
gentlemen eat warm maple-sugar, it gets
into their mustaches and makes them
scratchy." Her father is curious to know
how she found it out.
A man who has beautiful daughter wig
an obnoxious suitor, got up N the night ra,
Gently and kicked him out of doors. When
his anger lulled he allowed bis daughter to
exulain that he had footed the wrong man
He saws now that be was walking in his
sleep.
"Gentlemen, where do you think that
beef.steak comes from 2" said the landlord,
planting his thumbs in his walstcoat ARM
holes From near the horns" was the
quiet reply of one Of the boarders 1t is
singular, but that landlord has not put any
conundrums to those boarders since.
An inebriated stranger precipitated bim-
self down the depot stairs, and. on striking
the landing, reproachfully apostrophized
himself with eff you'd bsen wantin' to
come down stairs, why'u thunder didn't you
say so, you wooden headed old fool, an
I'd come with you an showed you tho
way"
"Young man do you ever drink 2" in
CURED mild-looking mau accosting Jones;
"Well. yes, thank you; as it's cold
morning | don't mind replied Jones re
moving his guild Of, Of tobacco b, don't 90
Won will eventually be damned" Good
morning.