The Portland daily press., 1872-06-28
TIL E PRES
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FRIDAY MORNING, JUNE 2s, 1879.

THE PRESS.
FRIDAY MORNING, JUNE 2s, 1879.
News, Gossip and Editorial Notes.
Algernon Swinburne is about to break a
lance with his critics, and will shortly dissect
them in a publication to be entitled "Undel
the Microscope" He is determined that
Charles Reade shall not enjoy monopoly Of
that sort of advertising. e. Oh
A New London husband adyertises one
cent reward for the return of his eloped wife,
but doesn't think it worth while to have any
one sent after her. f a
In an article on a recent fair in that CITY.
the editor Of Macon paper says brother
editor took valuable premium, but an un-
kind policeman made him put it right back
where he took it from. ..--
Connecticut is excited because a young
lady of Branford has been caught at robbing
the mails Why, bless the unsophisticated
nutmeg heart, this is what women have been
persistently doing ever since Eve robbed
Adam of his share of Paradise. .i. -
A waggish correspondent of the Philadel-
phia North American thinks that last Friday.
when the thermometer indicated ninety-three
degrees in Boston, instead of being called
"Austrian day. at the Coliseum, might more
properly have been designated as the Turkish
(bath) day.
Lord Dundreary (Sothern) has gone bach,
to England. 3Iar ....t
Those Amherst professors are fearfully ma
licious fellows; they have to keep awake
through their own sermons, and won't let
anybody else sleep in peace. The other day
one of them cried out, in the middle of a
gently soporifc discourse, "Wake up that
young manp' and half the students and fac
ulty woke up the other half, not knowing, of
course, which was the young man meant,
and some of them did not get any more sleep
that morning.
1t is thought in Italy that Maestro Verdi
has had practice enough at many bars to
qualify him FOR seat in the Senate. .-,
Pauline Lucca, the "divine Pauline" the
pet prima donna of the Berlin court, has quar-
relied with her husband, Baron Won Rhaden,
on account of his persistence in gambling,
and 10 nI e.
America. ,,.5. t..
California lUnatic imagines himself the
original Abraham, and his son Ike gets ''oveI
the hills and far away when he sees him
coming toward him with carving knife.
''Who's that gentleman, my little man ?''
was asked of an urchin. "That one with the
spike tailed coat?'' 'sYes," was the response.
''Why, he's a brevet uncle of mine" elbows
that ?' was asked. "Cause he's engaged to
my Aunt Maryp' tsE = u.
The New York World objects to the erec-
tion Of statue to Elias Howe, Jr., the in
vcntor of the sewing-machine needle, in Gen.
tral Park, because the friends and heirs OF
other inventors will be asking similar COM
memoration for them, and room will have to
be made for the Feed statue and the Hemmer
statue, and the Lock-Stitch statue, and the
Treadle statue. 4ash a
1t is to be hoped that the temporary mis-
fortune Mr.. Joe Jefferson has met with in his
eyes will not seriously effect his winkle.
little boy the other day was put into long
trowsers for the first time. Some one asked
IIm why had -crrauSoa a-3rxuAnz -h4a NO
piled, .'the boys madefun of me, and wasn't
going to wear my pants at halfmast any
longer.''
The Danbury News presumes that "many
of the owners of lots in the cemetery have no
objection to people helping themselves to the
flowers on the graves, or digging up hedges,
but they unanimously unite in requesting
visitors to remove their boots and shoes before
climbing tomb-stones."
Punch says that an advocate for compulso-
ry abstinence from spirituous liquors may
found an argument upon the fact that the
first three letters of ignorance are converti-
BILE into gin.
A brick from one of the Egyptian pyramids
was recently examined with the microscope
by an Austrian savant, and found to consist
of Nile mud, sand and straw, thus Verifying
the accounts of Moses and Herodotus.
A young lady had her nice summer dress
set on fire by spark from an engine on
Monday, and was consequently very much
put out. Moral-Don't wear infammable
gauzy fabrics in railway trains. HI
''Basting bovine in It's totality," means
roast OK in Iowa.
The Cleveland Leader mentions an organ
grinder of that city asian old veteran suicide
inducer."
The Hartford Post invokes legislative in
reference for the protection and propagation
of the 'contemplative frog;;' as if there
were not "croakers' enough in the world al
ready.
THE wickedest man in Maine lives in an
interior town. Honest and respectable in all
else, he is guilty of the gross impiety of eat
ing MOLAssEs on his strawberries.
sUPIREROGATION.
Country Maid (having first seen "Missus'
and the children into e cab.) 80 coachman,
do you know the principal en- trance to Drury
Lane Theat-Y'
Crabby CID Cabby with expression of in
effable contempt.) ''Do I know! Kim aup-''
Punch
The people who have been burnt out o.
house and home by the eruptions of Vesuviu'
are told by scientific gentlemen to console
themselves with the reflection that if it had nj
been for the volcanic explosion coming as op
nortunelv as IL did thew MIGHT verv noss;hlx