The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1872-07-19
Varieties.

varieties.
A RoPER-IN-The hangman.
A SOAR place--Up in the clouds.
A BAD thing to keep-Late hours.
A FINAL report-The crack OF doom.
The children's kingdom-Lapland.
TO make. both ends meet-Bow very
low.
IT is impossible to say how many dog
days there are in a year, because every
dog has his day.
"THEY fired two shots at him" wrote
an Irish reporter the first shot killed
him, bat the second was not fatal"
IT is reported that the Massachusetts
shoemakers propose striking. III SO,
they will probably hold on to the last,
unless their action is forced TO wax to
an end by more Chinese competition.
FAME is like a shaved pig with
creased tail, and it is only after 1t mas
slipped through the hands OF some
thousands that some fellow, by good
luck, holds on to it.
A WISCONSIN girl was so anxious to
know who was making the music under
her window, the other night, that she
fell out of the window, and so scared
her serenader that he fled and left her
to her fate.
Two Hibernians were passing stable
| which had a rooster on it for weather
vane, when one addressed the other
thus: Pat, what's the reason they
didn't put a hin up there instead OF
rooster p An sure,' replied Pat,
that's aisy enough: don't We see 1t
would be unconvanient to go for the
eggs?"
CONNECTICUT is excited because
young lady of Branford has been caught
at robbing the mails. Why, bless the
unsop histicated Yankee heart, this Is
what women have been persistently do
ing ever since Eve robbed Adam OF his
share of Paradise.
JOHN GILL, an enamored Mississippi
youth, recently assaulted with deadly
weapon the object of his alteration be-
cause she declined to be Gill TO his Jack.
As she wouldn't make match with
him, he took that method to show him.
self more than match for her.
JOHNNY, where is your pa p "Gone
fishing, sir" He was fishing yester-
day, was he not p "Yes, sir" What
did he catch ?' "One catfish, the rheu-
matism, two eels, the toothache. and
some little ones. Ma says hell catch
the devil tonight. Just wait till he
gets homew
A YOUNG lady, who was recently out
riding, became alarmed when the horse
began to kick, and naively requested
her beau 10 get out and hold the ami
mails legs.
NEWLY Married Daughter -" How
long does the honeymoon last, NAM
MAJ? Practical Parent" Until you
ask your husband for some money, my
dear.
We have a span of horses" said an
economist, the other day, "on our farm
that support themselves without any
cost" Why, how is that?'' exclaimed
a listener. Why, you see" remarked
the questioner, " one is a saw-horse, and
the other a clothes-horse.
VERY close-fsted old fellow, in treat.
ing friend TO some liquor, poured out
a very small drink. The latter, taking
the glass and holding it above his head,
remarked very skeptcally, "You say
this is forty years old?' Eyes" re-
friend, call / have to say is, it is very
small for its age!''
A TEMPERANCE lecturer descanting on
the superior virtues OF cold water, re.
marked, when the world had become
SO corrupt that the Lord could do moth.
ing with it, he was obliged to give it a
thorough sousing in cold water"
Yes,' replied a topper present, but it
killed every critter on the face of the
earth
A MAN who wanted to buy horse
asked friend how to tell horses age.
"By his teeth" was the reply. The
next day the man went TO a horse. deal
er, who showed him splendid black
hors The horse-hunter opened the
animals mouth, gave one glance at it,
and turned on his heel. &" / don't want
} him said he; "he's thirty.two years
old. He had counted his teeth.
The following note to school teacher
in Troy shows that there is one woman
who knows her rights-and knowing,
dare maintain them miss -i want
you to kno that am the boss of my
boy and when say want him TO cum
! home at recess mean business and don't
, NohI I'LL Is OUT III
mothers Amt to say what they want don
about such things its time somebody
knode il don't want trouble but am
bound to have my rites youres truely.
ABERNETHY, the celebrated surgeon
finding large pile of paving stones op,
posite to his door, on returning home
one afternoon in his carriage, swore
hastily at the pavior, and desired him
to remove them. "Where shall take
them tor asked the Hibernian. "Tc
hell y cried the choloric surgeon
Paddy leant upon his rammer and
then looking up in his face, said with
an arch smile, Hadn't | better take
them to Heaven sure they'd be more
out of your honor's way
4 We frequently hear of showers Of
| worms, hsh, frogs, etc, but the latest
!, and most remarkable development in
: this line Is reported from Sandburg in
a this State, where, just after brief but