The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-05-21
A STRANGE CONVERSATION.

AA AiilIN SlJblnB III Jnc OInCe Ol tne
w National Temperance Publication
House the other afternoon, waiting for
friend who was purchasing books in the
store, / was greatly astonished by tho
following conversation between the agent
and his assistant. The former had a largo
pile of letters, just received from all parts
of the country, and the lady was asserting
tracts.
Agent. Did you send the Rev. T.. Jones
''Our National Curse p''
Assistant he writes that it is not suffi
GENTLY strong He wishes thousand
"Cholera Conductors" to distribute among
his congregation. lie also wants "Gin
Toddy" for his Sabbath school, and says
he does not think much of Temperance
in Sunday Schools" but likes "Drunken-
ness and Christian Love- better.
Agent. Well, let him have what he
wants, but send "Word in Season" at
the same time.
Assist find we are out of sympathy
for the Drunkard, a and have more Gilt
tie Sins" than we ought to have.
Agent. Yes, and we must get rid of
them as soon as possible, and also the
effects of Alcohol upon the Human
System" Here is a letter from Mrs. Smith
in which she complains that you have sent
her the "Deacon and his Dog instead of
''Our Young Minister" and says also that
she does not like Our Stumbling Brother
Assist She is certainly very particular
she wrote for Somebody's Son." and ]
must have been careless in sending.
Agent. The Rev. Mr.. Thompson writes,
81 have read the "Wife's Secret" and,
in consequence have given one of my Deacons
the Fatal Draught,' and I wish l had
fifty more Ready to PERISH" He also
states that ellis Personal Honor" was
damaged in transit, and asks for more.
Assist. Well, we have none to spare in
the office; I think the PHILOSOPHY of
Drinking" would suit him better.
Agent. DR.. Lurewell says that he be-
lieves the "Wine Cup and the Gallows'
will convert more sinners in month than
he can with years preaching; and as
each of his congregation has "Natural
and Reserved Rights" he hopes they will
each get "Gleds Grip" which he thinks
would do them good.
| Assist. l think if he would recommend
"Temperance and the Bible to his church
it would be in better state.
Agent. I have written him and re-
commended "Rum Fiend" for each
pew, they would just suit his congregation.
Assist. Miss Sweet says she wants the
"Best Fellow in the World" and she will
let her sister have the Temperance Doc
tor" ] wrote her she should have more
"Self- Denial )" but she likes "Liberty
and Love- better, and will take " Nobodys
Advice"
Agent. The Hon. r. Harris says that
an "Honest Doctor" has never been seen in
that part of the country, and does not know
anything about "Who killed the man."
He also states that the expressman lost
"Little Lizzie on the road and wants
civilian and Mary instead.
Assist. The Rev. p. Jenkins says he
found "Mocking Genius" in his pulpit
and " Blasted Tree" in each pew, and
that his people like them better thau the
" Ok Sermons" which he gave them the
Sunday before.
Agent The Rev. Fiddle, ID. D., sends
for 1000 "Freemen or Slaves to put one
in each cell in their Penitentiary he says,
further 81 have few Rescued Brands,
which intend hanging up in the horse
cars to let the people know that my church
is not quite asleep"
Assist. Did you send "Timothy Tee
totaller'' to the poor house?
Agent. Yes; and now we will send
"Shot at the Deoanter" and close for the
day.
Now, knew my friend the Agent to be
one of the best temperance men in the
world, and also one of the most energetic
Sunday School workers. also knew the
thorough-going Christian and true tenn
perance girl, so you may imagine my relief
when found that they had not gone raving
mad, but were simply filling orders for
tracts, and that the quoted words were the
names of those ordered, and that instead of
wishing and sending all sorts of evil, they
were helping to spread light and knowl-
edge ON the great question of Temperance.
-PhrenOlogicdI Journal,
esS- An officer who was more distinguish
ed for gallantry in the field than for the
care he lavished upon his person, complain
ing, on certain occasion, to an Irish judge