The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1872-01-12

currier at Rome to- French cour.
rier, as incorrectly stated by Prescott.
and directly alter, leathered the Bfit6ns,
who lost many of9theiri Uppers, and also
many OF their Lowers, and were struck 10
the sole by the tanning they got, Bye
the bye, Grant was born In this month, or
he wasn'tTwhat does It matter; for
where's the historian, that sticks 10 the
truth? Hecouldn,tita 90 disagreeable.
But VIC IRE wandering. Where arc we
All VIC see no, we don't; and as 10 what
we were going TO say about March, you
will have the goodness to return unex.
perienced TO your graves ~ ls ~ - .lesa
APRrI-Had Il not been for April, we
should never have had umbrellasl This
may seem bold statement; hut IL you
consult Herodotus (4th chapter 10Th
verse Of the Koran, you will see that he
does not, even distinctly, alllde to It This
should decide the 7wagerg Well, never
mind, the matter Is clear enough TO us, and
II Adam and Eve didWa about without
umbrellas, in this showeriestest Of months,
we are no longer at q loss to conceive their
bequest Of rheumatism TO suffering hu.
manity. April, we love thee; but never
more be officer Of ours
MAYA good month for the Poles,
who in the olden times did o RushIn'
business IN this line, The first Duke Of
Kent, observing the frantic manner in
which the Muscoyians danced round the
poleicular constructions, placed his fore.
finger upon his noble barrow; and first
remarking, "sott" mo allusion to the
occipuO continued, Hops, Poles-Poles,
Hops. Twill plant poles, ard the hops,
like reading and writing (only he didn't
say that,) will come by nature" They
did, they didl-gTand chorus by More
beer-they did, and hence-Beer! Such
JUNE.-The famous letters Of Juneius
were written during this month. June
Is lovely month, take 1t for all in oil, or,
as Thackeray said Of the man who COM
mitted beericide: "Take him for half
and-hali, we ne'er shall look upon his like
again. which he accordingly didn't, for
he availed himself Of the opportunity of
dying Immediately after this; and, there.
fore, il he didn't write the letters Of
Juueius, who did9 We pause for reply.
JuLY.-Sacred TO the Hottentots, and
held IN peculiar veneration throughout
the Hottomau Empire. Hotspur was
born in this month, Mrs. Radcliffe also
choosing this period OF the year for writ
ing her castle Of Hotranto." July wears
very few clothes, passes most Of her time
in the sea, and Is intensely exercised
about her back hair. She has salty
flavor about her, and enjoys her weeds
on the beach, with the other swelIs and
coves, as natural as you please, i!
AudUsT.-EverybodY lives miserably
and perslstently ut the seaside while they
might be happy in town, eat impossible
food, sleep or rather convolute on impossi-
bic beds, and lead generally the wretched-
est OF lives, kneeling down on the sands OF
time, and worshiping tradition and fash.
ion with the ardor of devotees and the un.
complaining fortitude only known TO
society d Ia mode, which will die rather
than not be de 1igeuer. But nothing mat
tiers, nothing is, but what is not; and if the
August beings Of society like to live in
misery, so be 1t, and with. all our heart.
We hate August. 81
SEPTEStBER.-A grand procession of
oysters sOlemni2es this mouth, and oysters
fried, stewed, boiled, raw, on the half
shell and 'in every STYLE" as the legends
run, march, stupidity down the human
throttle, and grateful deglutition on the
bivalve walls; everybody being oysteri.
cal and glorying in the fact. In the re.
cords Of oystery, we find no mention of
this enhancing creature till the ninth
century, when Alfred the Great intro.
dnced o singing oyster into the Danish
camp in the sheltlsh desire oil aggrandiz.
ing his own, Saxonic self Members of
the oysterionic art eat them largely.
0croBER-Oalled by the poets, who
are well, who arc-aheml called by the
warn" "chilln "harvesty," "round.
mooned," and otherwise eloquently ad-
jective by that long-haird-bye the bye,
does poetry produce long hair, or are
Hyperion locks provocative Of poetry?
Let the Ages answer! See what were
VIC going TO say about October? We
haven't the slightest idea, which on the
whole is rather an encouraging dispensa-
ton, for the long. haird parties have 0c-
tober'd him to his hearts Content. Re.
q,tieScdt in pace.
NOvEMBER.-1he venerable Dede died
in this month, and his hicnds promptly
buried him, telling their Bedes with an
alacrity highly discredilablc to the waves
Of friendship IN. Bs-What are the
waves Of friendshipY Ills nemofysis
honored in london, on tile OH Of NoVem.
Der, annually, Bedi' being burnt in
Smithteld, to the great enjoyment of the
populace! He was an Irish Saint origi.
nally, his real name being Bede'ad. (See
Froissarts Small Beer Chronicles.) He
was, however, actually born at Durham,
aud invented the notorious mustard! We
are happyto state that he is extremely
dead.
DECEMBER. = CHEEKY, bright, iovial,
merry.making, stalwart, frosty, kindly,
starry, snowy, icy, friendly, Christmasy,
lusty December. We hail thee! we love
thee, we admire thee, we could not COM
plete the year without thee, we garland
thy glorious old head with the glowing
red berries of Ed; we wrapa purple robe
around thy giant limbs. In the name OF
the Prophet Figs, We could not swear that
You are, that We do, or that VIC can!
l"Hark hunk we're called. FAREWELL.
a. MdtthiSon IN The Musical BRlletin.