The Placer herald., 1872-10-12
BILLINGS WIT AND WISDOM.

Kind fortune, teach thi servant humility,
but let no sneak of an upstart outshine him
in things that are stylish.
Civ unto me morality copious; and may
mi shirt kollar be sitter than china and whittier
than snow-balls in Winter.
Smile, thou goddess dear, at my nous
tache, and may mi wisdom be grate-even
like unto Solomon's.
Grant that may pattern be worthy of
all irnitashun, and that | able may be to
wear a boot No. on these No. 10 feet Of
mine.
Fill up mi cup to the brim's very top with
honor and honesty, and make mi neckties
make mine enemies tew smile with sorrow
and confushun.
Take away from me all vanity, but grant
that mi Sunday panterloons may fit me even
as korn ftteth the kob.
Remove far from me, O gentle Fortune,
all pride and vain ostentashun, but grant
that mi name among wimmen may ever be
spoken in acksents of gladness.
Make mi heart TO glisten with charity, but
teach my lay lor and shumaker how tu wait
for their money and be happy.
Let my heart feast upon the truth, but
smile thou upon my kork leg and perwis
nobby.
Remove far from me all gluttony, but
preserve mi appetite for toast with a quail OIL
it in all its original buty.
Teach me to shun all decepshun, but help
me to marry "A big pile at last, making some
maiden or young widow happy.
Take away from mi heart all envy, but
Al l.. |. l.,
beat, nor the lavender tint of mi gloves ex-
celled.
Fill me with courage and redly, but if
emmy man offers to smote me, give tn me
the heetness of venison and mi legs the speed
of the roebuck.
Remove all affectashun far from me, but
enable tcw keep up appearances, if hav tn
cheat Il little tn do it.
Take aw. " out of mi site all kinds ov
Running, but teach me to keep sekret the
grocer who sells me hair di.
Abuv all things with modcsty shower me-.
Yes, make me all dripping wet, but don't let
me loose "A good chance mi nu koat to spread
before the eyes of men filed with envy.
Make me all times of the poor hcathen
thoughtful, at church not forgetting the plat
ter to anont with ien-cent piece.
Remove from me all gray hares and PIN
pies, all bunyons and korns pestiverous, and
grant that my calfs shall still fItten on saw
dust, and my checks feed on plumpers, and
mi harte ever bubble and lille over with
mersy.
Teach me mi kane to whirl SO peculiar
and mi mustache to twist into such long
drawn out sweetness that all the people sha
call me "Yung Purity"
Smile thou upon all hatters and BARRIERS
all perfumers and dentists, all wash wimmcr
and shu blacks, and forgive them the debts
that | may owe them, and kause me to
weep over man and his many misfortunes.
Bless all maids of estate, all widoes with
mummy, all mothers ov fashion with daugh-
ters to marry, all good matches laying around
loose, but chiefly Civ me a Conscience full
Of aroma.
Lenglhen out. kind Fortune, the daze o,
mi unkle. but should he happen to slip away
sudden, bow me down with sorrow bekum-
ing.
Listen, dear Fortune, listen-giv me the
stile heart of heart-bral<eing Adonis, let the
virtews all seek mi acquaintance, and feed
with new fires exquisite the solitaire tha,
burns on my huzzum.
will raise thee an altar, kind fortune, al
altar as high as a lamp post, if these IN
prayers are answered farewell for Il G pres
tnt-dont 90 back on Beau Bennett, the
beautiful.