The Hickman courier., 1872-10-19
RELIGIOUS IRONY.

.
the article. For several days after
reading, they may think Of it and
feel amused
There has been an effort made for
the last twenty years to kill congre-
gational singing The attempt has
been tolerably successful but it
seems to me that some rules might
be given by which the work could
be done more quickly and com
pletely. What is the use of having
it lingering on in this uncertain
way? Why not put it out of its
misery ? If you are gcing to kill
snake, kill it thoroughly, and do not
/ let it keep on waging its tail till sun
I nl--Ss6FVngreg Singing u
nuisance, anyhow, TO many of the
people 1t interferes with their
comfort. 1t offends their taste. 1t
disposes their noses to hexibility in
the upward direction. 1t is too
democratic in it's tendency. Down
with congregational singing and let
us have no more of IL.
The first rule for killing it is to
have only such times as the people
cannot sing.
In some churches it is the custom
for choirs at each service to sing one
tune which the people know. 1t is
very generous of the choir to do
that. The people ought to be very
thankful for the donation. They do
not deserve it. They are all "mis-
erable offenders" / heard them say
so}, and, il permitted once In
service to sing, ought to think them
selves highly favored. But oppose
this singing of even the one tune
that the people understand. 1t spolls
them. It gets them hankering after
more. Total abstinence is the only
safety for, if you allow them to i'm
bibe at all, they will get in the habit
of drinking too much OF Il, ana the
first thing you know they Will be
going around drunk on sacred
psalmodv. Besides that If you let
them sing one tune at q service, they
will be putting their oar into other
tunes and bothering the choir There
is nothing more annoying to the
choir than, at some moment when
they have drawn out note TO ex-
quisite fneness, thin as a split hair,
to have some laundering elder to
come in with Praise We the
Lord :" Total,abstinence, l say Let
all the churches take the pledge even
against the milder musical beverages;
I for they who tamper with cham
/ pagne soon get to Hook and old Bur
| gundy.
Now, if all the tunes are new,
there will be no temptation to the
people. They viii not keep hum
ming along, hoping that they will
6Dd aoIale sbara down where they can
[ break into the clover pasture. They
/ will take the tune as an inextricable
conundrum, and give it up. Besides
! that Pisgah, Ortonville, and Brattle
/ Street are old-fashioned. They did
very well in their day. Our fathers
were silnple-minded people, and the
tunes fitted them. But our fathers
are gone, and they ought to have
taken their baggage with them. 1t
is nuisance to have those old tunes
floating around the church, aud some
time, Just as we have got the music
as fine as an opera, to have a revival
of religion come, and some newborn
soul break out IN Rock of Ages
Cleft for Me !" till the organist
stamps the pedal with Indignation
and the leader of the tune gets red
in the face and swears. Certainly
anything that make n man swear is
wrong-ergo, congregational singing
is wrong. QuOd erat denOnStrandum;
which, being translated, means
Plain as the nose on q mans .tdce.
What right have people to sing
who know nothing about Ihythmlcs,
melodies, dynamics The old tunes
ought to be ashamed of themselves
when compared with our modern
beauties. Let Dundee and Portuguese
| Hymn and Silver Street hide their
heads beside what we heard not
long ago in church Just where |
shall not tell. The minister read
the hymn beautifully. The organ
began, and the choir sang, as near
as 1 could understand, as follows:
gee-bah
Ah-me-la-he
O-pah-sah-dah
Wo-haw gee-e-e-e.
Ny wife, seated beside me, did not
like the music. But 1 said What
beautiful sentiment Ny dear, ii is
a pastoral. You might have known
that from" Wohalo-gee" You have
had your taste ruined by attending
the Brooklyn Tabernacle" The
choir repeated the last line Of the
hymn four times. Thcn the prima
donna leaped on to the first line,
and slipped, and fell on to the sec
ord, and that broke and let her
through into the third. The other
voices came in to pick her up, and
got into a grand wrangle, aud the
bass and the soprano had it for
about ten seconds but the soprano
beat (women always do), and the
bass rolled down into the cellar,
and the soprano went up into the
garret, but the latter kept on squall-
ing as though the bass, in leaving
her, had wickedly torn out all her
back hair. / felt anxious about the
soprano, and looked back to see if
she had tainted but found her re-
clining in the arms of young man
who looked strong enough to take
care of her.
Now l admit that we cannot all
have such things in our churches.
1t costs like sixty. In the Church
) of the Holy Bankak it costs one
hundred dollars to have sung that
communion piece:
eye wretched, hungry, starving
poor p But let us come as near to
} it as we can. The tune " Pisgah''
has been standing long enough on
"Jerdan's stormy banks" Let ii
pass over and get out of the wet
weather. Goodbye " Antioch, y
, Harwell," and " Boylston." Good.
b till we meet in glory. y.-Rev. T.
? De IVu Idlndge.
LII YOU wish to do good, do good
if you wish to assist people, assist
people. The only way to learn to
, do thing is to do it, and that i'm
plies before you learn to do right
you will do wrong-you viii make