Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1872-06-06
A Russian Jester.

Russian Jester.
JOKES, like bills, require names to back
them; and it will be found that, in every
nation, some one parsonage, real or myth
ical, is selected as the lay-fgure upon
consent displayed. The English have
their Joe Miller, the Germans their Schilt-
burger and their Tyll Eulenspiegel, the
Americans their Col Crockett, the Orient
ais their Nasireddin el Kheiah; and, in
the same way, the chosen godfathers of
Russian humor are Balakireff the lester,
and Marshal Suvoroff The latter name
has long since passed into history; but the
former requires some introduction to nom
Russian readers. Popular traditions
unite in representing Balakireff as the
constant attendant of Peter the Great,
who figures largely in all the stories at
tached to the name of this buffoon. Many
of these stories are probably the fabrica-
ton of later age; but fair portion of
them bear marks of authenticity, and, as
fair specimens of national humor, are
worth quoting.
On one occasion Balakiref begged per-
mission of his imperial master to attach
himself to the guard stationed at the pal
ace; and Peter, for the sake of the Joke, con-
sented-warning him at the same time that
any officer of the guard who happened 10
lose his sword, or to be absent from his
post when summoned, was punished with
death. The newly-made officer promised
to do his best; but the temptation of some
good wine sent to his quarters that even
ing by the CZar, "to moisten his COM
mission," proved too strong for him; and
he partook so freely as to become COM
pletely screwed" While he was Sleep
ing off his debauch, Peter stole softly into
the room and carried off his sword. Bala-
kireff, missing it on awaking, and
frightened out of his wits at the probable
consequences, could devise no better
remedy than to replace the weapon with
his own professional sword of lath, the
hilt and trappings of which were exactly
similar to those of the guardsman. Thus
equipped he appeared on parade next
morning, confident in the assurance of
remaining undetected, if not forced to
draw his weapon. But Peter, who had
doubtless forseen this contingency, in
stantly began storming at one of the men
for his untidy appearance, and at length
faced around upon Balakireff with the
stern order, "Capt. Balakireff, draw youI
sword and cut that sloven down p
The poor jester thus brought fairly to
bay, laid his hand on his hilt as if to obey
but at the same time exclaimed fervently,
Merciful Heaven let my sword be
turned into wood ="
And drawing the weapon, he exhibited
in very deed harmless lath. Even the
presence of the Emperor was powerless
to check the roar of laughter which fol.
lowed; and Balakireff was allowed to
escape.
The testers ingenuity occasionally
served him in eXtricating others from
trouble as well as himself. A cousin of
his, having fallen under the displeasure
of the Gar, was about to be executed,
and Balakireff presented himself at
court to petition for reprieve. Peter,
seeing him enter, ard at once divining
his errand, shouted to him: "It's no use
you coming here; l swear that / will not
grant what you are going to ask"
Quick as thought, Balakireff dropped
on his knees, and exclaimed "Peter
Alexeievitch, 1 beseech you to put that
scamp of a cousin of mine to death" p"
Peter, thus caught in his own trap, had
no choice but to laugl. and send pardon
to the offender.
During one of the Cars Livonian CAM
paigns, thick fog greatly obstructed the
movements of the army. At length a
pale, watery gleam began to show itself
through the mist, and two of the Russian
officers fell to disputing whether this were
the sun or not. Balakireff happening to
pass by at that moment, they appealed to
him to decide. els that yonder light
the sun, brother ?''
"How should 1 know ?" answered the
jester Tive never been here before"
At the end of the same campaign, sew
eral of the officers were relating their ex-
ploits, when Balakireff stepped in among
them. I've got story to tell, too," cried
he boastfully; a better one than any of
yours"
'Let us hear it, then," answered the
officers and Balakiref began
81 never liked this way of fighting, all
in crowd together, which they have
now. a-days; it seems to be more manly
for each to stand by himself and there
fore l always went out alone. Now, it
CHANGED that one day, while reconnoiter-
ing close to the enemy's outposts, sud.
denly espied a Swedish soldier just in
front of me. There was not a moment TO
lose; he might start up and give the
alarm. | drew my sword, rushed upon
him, and at one blow cut off his tight
foot"
"You fool ~ cried one of the listeners,
"yOu should rather have cut off his
head"
$50 1 would" answered Balakireff,
with a grin, "but somebody else had
done that already"
At times Balakireff pushed his waggeries
too far, and gave serious offense to his
formidable patron. On one of these oc-
casions the enraged Emperor summarily
banished him from the court, bidding
him "never appear on Russian soil
again." The jester disappeared accord.
when Peter, standing at his window,
espieG his disgraced favorite coolly driv.
ing cart past the very gates of hepalace
Foreseeing some new jest, he hastened
down, and asked with pretended rough
ness, "How dare you disobey me, when
forbade You to show yourself on Rus
sian ground ?"
81 haven't disobeyed you," answered
6alakireff, coolly; I'm not on Russian
ground now"
Not on Russian ground ~
NO; this cart-lOad of earth that l an
sitting on is Swedish soil | dug it up in
Finland only the other dav.
Peter, who had doubtless begun already
to regret the loss of his Jester, laughed al
the evasIon and restored him to favor
Some Russian writers embellished this
story "a German version of which figure.
in the adventures of Tyll Eulenspiegel
with the addition that Peter, on hearing
the excuse, answered 'If Finland be
Swedish soil now, it shall be Russian be
fore long"-a threat which he was not
slow to fultill.-AN the Year Round.