, 1872-12-08
HU,MCR.

4 man with long head is not very apt to be
| headlong.
! 50 They fired two shots at him." wrote an
Irish T reporter; "the fret st shot killed him, but
! the second was not fatal"
1t is said that iron is good tonic for debili-
| tated young ladies'. That may be so, but ironing
! is 3 better one.
"A sarcastic lady says the only thing which
keeps Lent is her best silk umbrella
"A selkret ceases to be sekret II it IL once
! confded-it IL like dollar bill, once broken it
IL never dollar agin.
"A Louisville man is so opposed to capital
punishment that he can't even tolerate paper
hangings.
The Western wits now call bigamy Utah
Izng tho female sex.
-fhe Connecticut woman who vomited 8
large eel says she feels great eel better
"A Kansas law, We notice. gives mothers CON
troll Of their children This ia an admirable law,
and every family should have one. Without it,
too many children have control Of their mothers.
Worthy PASTOR What, not remember your
eatechism, ny boy! you're better fed than taught,
think" Boy Ees, sir! You teaches me, but
An awkward Compliment Mrs. F1irtington
(coquettiahly)- I'm afraid you are bored, Mr.
Amoret! You would sooner be walkin With
readiness and gallantry)-"O, no, .1ndeed, Mrs.
Flztington~ Ill much prefer the older
ones!"
Gentle Pate1nal satire-1rate parent-"O
yer don't want to so into business, don't yert
o, yer want to be clerk in the Post-horEce, do
yer! Post-horfce,, indeed! Why, al you're
1T for is to stand outside with your tongue hout,
for people to net their stamps againstr'
a couple Of Hoosiers, one Of whom was
named Trooth, recently had little quarrel over
the division Of some corn. ITooth was crushed
to the earth, but he rose again and vanqnish-
ed his assai1ant, and the eternal ears (of corn)
are his.
-Bargain-A 1ndicrons transaction in which
~, :,,J-, h., o11o o&o1t 1n41,o
DR. J. used to relate that, on one Of his
visits to L'Hotel Dieu having asked q patient
how he did, the sick man answered: 'Ah, doc
tor, am so III, that if any one came and toldmo
Was dead, ! should not be Estonished at all.''
A St, Louis parent, who happens to be-
blessed with prodigel son, 'frejoices more
over one boy that runs away than the whole
family who sponge their living Of him at home."
The poet Of the Lynchburg Meas hasn't
been particularly lucky. In IN ode to his girl
he says ;" Keen is your sorrow but keener is
my grief" The compositor, who lost his UNDER
most nickel On the top row the night before, set
up, but keno is my grief"
-Mary-" It seems cruel to kill 60 many ami
mails for their fur-thirty-six poor squirrels put
to death to make muh for us !" Emily-"Yes,
it is cruel. Why didn't the monsters take their
skins off without killing them ?"
An elderly gentleman Was shocked to learn
that every fashionable young lady carries q
paper to back her.
"A Maine paper tells story Of q sea captain,
Just returned from long voyage, who was told
BY commission merchant the sad news that his
wife had died. f'Wife dead!" said the captain,
t'wen now, do You know didn't think she wa5
1ong-iyed. Hoao's jrei3fts ?'
"A father in Maine, feeling that q young
man was staying rather late in the parlor, and
wishing to give him polite hint thereof, went
to the head Of the stairs and called out: Here,
Young man, isn't it about time that you Wero
going2 Do you know that it is Il o'clock, and
that you ara burning out my gas7" The young
man left, and has not returned
The poet Campbell eays that he once heard
. lady of distinguished beauty and rank defend
Sir Thomas Lawrence from the charge OF ha7i:g
been culpable in paying attention to ladies' WITH,
ont intending to follow them up By an one, Ct
his hand A gentleman remarked that sir
Thomas was highly blamabIe. ssNo," replied
the lady Ut was rumored ehe herself was ono,
the temporary object Of the great painters A.
ttentlons), mo, not e1actly-not SO much 70
blame said she musingly. "What j" e.
CLAIMED ca the gentleman, % you astonish nc!
much, vas still the 1nusing response. Scao
you really, madame, defend such behavior g.
desertlon = Why, sir, }" interrupted tho lady.
that the majority Of the women would Fathcr
De cotrted and filled. Hlan not be courfed at oil -