Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1872-02-07
JOSH BILLINGS TElPEHlScEKLUR

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some kind, i have erganized a temp
perance1 kluh. and am anxious tew
take into the buzzum Of the llub
emmy party who haz fair moral pa
pers, and who is not over five fee,
and nine inches in hite.
Sum few of the leading articles ov
our faith bv which the klub is to BE-
navigated will be found, on examine
tion. to oc as follers:
Single admisshuns to the klub fifty
cents, or three admissions for onr
dollar.
Fast young men admitted at Ave
per. cent. discount from our regular
rates.
The coat ov arms ov this klub H.
glass of cold water, with a pickle
in it.
The password ia sweet breth.
The principal object ov this klub IL
to cultivate sochul sentiments with
out the aid ov whisky.
We solemnlv beleavc that whisk,
il good only for the iIuns.
Thoze who are in the habit ov pay
ing u dollar fur drink not admit
ted. suck foxes are to respectable.
No fcmail admitted unless she
wants to get her husband to change a
bill, and see wat il & ing OH.
We are opposed to all prohibitsry
laws, except for hoss stealing and
the like.
Wcbleave man ia moral kritter, but
full of cusscdncs>. and If he iz deter
mined to cat tuff beet and drink pizen
whisky, We hold that he probab!!
will.
One ov the principal objects ov this
klub il to find out which has got the
most spirit in it, man of IL quart OF
whisky.
If a man kant keep from kctting
dry without being put under bonds
he must ginc some other temperance
klub.
This klub has no polliticks. nor nc
religion. Emmy man can belong tO
this klub, and vote even the Radio
kill ticket, and tend the Presbyterian
Hard Shell Babtist, or any mcctin.
house.
Ne man admitted to this klub whr
can't swallo q modrate horn Of liquo,
| (if he actually needs iD, without til,
aid ov doc tors prcskiption.
Men who cant keep sober whc,
they arc in convival places, are earn
cstly invited to jinc this klub ant
learn how.
No one who belongs to this club il
obliged TO eat n pound ov kodfish and
not feel dry.
Old bummers who visit us will not
be admitted, unless they give the
password, (the password is named
abovc.)
All persons making applications fol
admishun must at least be sober
enough to be ashamed of themselves
We dont't believe the law eve,
kept a man sober long, but We dc
bclcavc that cntrcaty and example
haz.
This is not total abstinence klub
We would be willin to make it one
ef we knew how.
Eta man jincs this klub. and then
gifts drunk, we take him right in agii
rs soon az he gifts sober.
This klub don't give up any man
who don't give up the klub.
Members taking for one sitting, fol
the purpose ov getting sober.
Advice, consolation, pity, rcmon-
STRANGE, aud encouragement free.
klub rooms open mite aid ia.
a skillful docktor in attenancc,
who understands sowing up tarcs in
the flesh, and removing black and
blew spots.
Man iZ our brother, and We havn't
learned yet that rum has destroyed,
ti,c relationship. The accommodating
funds to be invested in all kins of ov
decent amuscments.
Every member or applicant own.
ing good dog are invited to bring
the dog.
No muzzlcs OH man or krittcr al.
lowed in this klub.
Men owning fast trottcrs are re-
questrd to visit us, and hear us talk
hoss, and see us drink root beer.
We would rather undertake to
make ten men temperate than one
total abstincnt.
This klub never gives man up
until he cannot tell truth without lic-
ing.
A temperate liar il the very wust
kind of liar.
The publick are advised TO examine
our hi-laws and constitutions, and
see we live upon theni!.
Wanted. Ito begin business with),
a half dozen good hearted fellow
with sum brains, who have been led
10 bcleavc that there aint no phun
in this world only in a gin cocktail.
No phools nor bigots solicited.