Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1872-10-26
Sandy Higgins and the
Widow.

I
to make ont by the sound Of my pen what |
was writing,
Squire" said he at length, "did evor tell
You about my scrape with the widow Horny,
up here on the river ?"
Never did" said |, laying down my pen,
al let's have it,"
They're curious creatures, widows is, :"
said he in a meditative tone, and the more
you study about EN- the more you don't know
anything about EN- What IS that thing I've
read in Egypt, or some other country that no.
body could unriddle?"
The Sphinx, probably" replied.
"Well," he continued, I" that was widow
sure as you ever had granny. Everything else
on earth has been found out but them, and
they'sr as much mystery to-day as the Nsrth
Pole. You may read the history Of the world
from Genesis to Revelations, and you'll find that
widows has beer at thc bottom or the top Of
five-quarters of all devilment that's cut up.
Was you ever in love with one p
Lots of tbcm," said l.
you're a great gander-that is what you
are !" said he. 4" A man that loves one and
gets over it won't never git bit by another, If
he's got as much sense as a common ground
hog. don't consider that I've got any sense
at all, but Pm little grain too smart to let
another Of them get all the trumps on me-
This Widow Horny that was speaking Of, is
little the handsomeSt woman, reckon, that
over looked man into FITS and ought to be
Judge, for I've seen lots OF pretty women in
my days, She was aboat twenty-five years old
when went up there to work, jest in the
bloom of her beauty, and as full Of deviltry as
a three year-old mule colt. There was ball
over at jenkins, and Of course | went, fer
always go where there's any fun going on, and
generally act the fool before I get away, of
course. The widow was there dressed as fine
as one of Solomou's lilies, and flying around as
young lamb in a ryo patch. | got intro
dueed to her and asked her to dance with me,
and when she said yes, jumped up like Id
been sot down on lot of live FIRE Goals. You
may talk about your sensation, but when she
took hold of my hand and sorter squeeze it,
felt sensation as big as a load Of wood and
it kept running up and dswn my back like
cat squirrel with hawk after him. I'm very
fond of danciog, but I'll be hanged if could
tell exactly whether | enjoyed it that night
or not for every time she took held of my hand
I'd commence fenling curious behind tho oais
and up and down the back again, and then
wouldn't know whether | was on earth or in
balloon, or on comet, or anything about it.
1t was undoubtedly a case of love at first sight,
and powerful bad case at that. For won
der got through the froic without making
myself conspicuous or cutting up any extras,
as I'm iu the habit of doing when | 90 into
public. Id set my pegs to go home with the
widow when the ball ended, but just as was
fixing my mouth 10 ask her, up steps long,
ather-faced doctor named Mabry, and walked
her of right before my eyes. That riled me
little but kept my tongue still, inwardly
swearing to break his bones the very first op-
portunity that offered itself | saw there was no
use saying anything, so | went home and went
TO bed, and all the rest of the night | was
dreaming about rain bows, angels, butterflies,
fiddes, widows and doctors all mixed up worse
than dutchman's dinner.
"Well, Squire, to make a short story Of it,
made up my mind to have the widow, or kill
myself and somebody else.
SO made it convenient to be on hand
where she was on all occasions. | couldn't cat
or sleep and if the thing had held on wouldn't
have had sense enough to skin rabit But
was determined it shouldn't last long, for I'd
been fooled so often by women that thought
| wouldn't give her time to think Of anything
but me. She appeared to take to me right
sharply, and though the doctor seemed in
cliued to mix it with me, didn't consider him
more in the way than brush fence, for was
so far gone that thought sho couldn't see no.
body on earth but me. Well Squire, things
went on so for about month and one Sunday
screwed up my spunk and put the question
to her. She sorter looked one-sided and finally
told me she couldn't give me an answer just
then, but if I'd call at her house next Thurs
day evening, she'd give me \ final answer.
Thinks |, you are mine just as sure as
there are fddlcrs below! When ever a woman
takes time to study she'll say yes Squire,
don't poets say something about the calcula-
tious of men and rats goin' crooked 2"
"Mice and msn, Burns says" answered.
"Wel. mice and rats is all one, and so is
men and fools sometimes, as I've found out in
my travels was so sure she'd have me |
went of aud spent all my money for fine
clothes, thinking I'd have them ready for the
wsddisg-and did Confound her Thurs
day evening come at last, though it was long
time about it, and over went, dressed into
fits, and feeling as big as Josh Mayor did
when he was elected coroner. Got there at
dark and found right smart crowd collected,
which was not on the bills, but felt as bic
and as good as the rest of EN-. So marched
in like blind mule into potato patch, and
took seat by the fire. didn't see anything
of the widow, but kept looking for her to
come in or send for rne, and passed away the