davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-04-02
. A Joke on Staples.

TOHN THOMAS had seen the Faker of
~ Ava perform his wonderful tricks of
ledgerdemain. He related his experience
in the bar-room Of the Conway House, and
among other things he declared he had
gained an insight into many Of the magi-
clans manipulations, and that several Of
the most wonderful tricks he could per-
form himself
A" For instance said he. 81 can swallow
a man whole"
"Bah r' cried Tom Staples, red faced
woodman, weighing at least two hundred,
"p'r'aps you can swallow me?''
eyes,
"Pd like to see you do it
81 can do it,
"I'll bet you fifty dollars you can't
81 shall take that bet"
"Then let's see you begin"
Not now. l have just eaten supper.
I will do it tomorrow morning, in the pres
ence of many witnesses as you choose; and
it shall be done in the square in front of the
hotel"
This was agreed to, and the money was
put up. By the following morning the
news that John Thomas was to swallow
Tom Staples whole had become we'll
spread, and vast concourse, embracing
men, women and children, had assembled
to witness the wonderful feat.
At the appointed time tho chief actors
appeared in the square. John Thomas
was smiling confidently, as though sure
of success; while Tom Staples looked
little timid and uneasy, as though not
quite at rest concerning what was to be-
come of him.
carey our eady ?" asked John.
"All ready" answered Tom. begin
as soon as you please"
"Will you have the goodness to take off
your hatP"
"Sartin."
"Now your boots"
"Next you will remove your coat. Those
big brass buttons might stick in my
throat"
Tom took off his coat; and as he threw il
upon the ground one of the cooks came out
from the hotel with pail of melted lard
and a big whitewash brush, which she de-
posted beside John Thomas.
"Now," pursued John you will take of
your stockings, and then remove your pan
falcons and shirt"
"Eh ?-D'ye mean for me to strip stark
?" queried Tom, aghast.
"0f course l do. The agreement was,
but your clothing aren't, nor were they in
the bond. If you will strip, win give you
thorough greasing, and double the bet if
you wish. ] know can swallow you,-or-
at all events, can TRY p
Tom gave up the bet, and invited his
friends into the hotel.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-04-02

gB- Jim Guppins was avery clever, nice,
good. dispositioned, thick-hsaded sort of
fellow, and was the butt of all the girls in
his neighborhood. The most brilliant
thing he ever said was when some of the
fair teasers questioned him one day in
regard TO his powers Of memory.
"How far back in your lifetime can
you remember, Jim 2''
"oh, can remember the day was
born, 'Nwas his reply.
"The day you was born p exclaimed one
of the young ladies of the party
"Why, Jim, what can you remember of
that dsy?"
"oh, remember very distinctly, that
on the day ! was born sat on little stool
in the corner OF the fireplace and cried for
fear I was girl
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-04-02

tB- A Kentuckian and yankee were
once riding through the woods, the former
on fine black horse and the yankee ON an
inferior animal. The latter wanted TO
make "swap," but he did not see how he
was to do it, At last he thought of a plan.
His horse had been taught to sit down like
a dog whenever he was touched by the
spurs. Seeing wild turkey, the Yankee
made his horse perform his trick, and asser-
ted that he was pointing game, as was his
custom. The Kentuckian rode in the di-
rection indicated by the horses nose, and up
rose turkey. That settled the matter;
the trade was made, an d saddles and horses
were changed. After time they came to
adeep and rapid stream over which the black
horse carried his rider with ease. But the
Kentuckian, on the yankees old beast,
found great difficulty in getting over, and
when he had reached the middle of the
stream he was afraid the horse would allow
himself TO be carried away, SO he endeav-
ored to spur him up to more vigorous action.
Down sat the old horse on his launches.
"Look herel" Shouted the enraged and
partially submerged Kentuckian to the
Yankee on the other side of the stream
"what does all this meanp''
81 want you to know, stranger, " cried the
Yankee, preparing to ride away ''that
that there hoss win pint fish jist as well as
he will fowl"
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-04-02

The answer to the problem of last week is.
The squirt makes 67 trips, and consequently is
134 minutes, as two of the ears he carries each
time are his own.
The answer to the enigma in last weeks
TINES number Is A Whale"
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-04-02

gentleman, who has conversed with Ameri-
can visitors upon his grandfather in
rational and becoming manner. Two Of
her sons settled in Canada, where they ac-
quired competent estates, and were living
in 1899.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-04-02
PERRY HOUSE,
New BIssmiiela, Pa.

rgvHE subscriber having purchased the property
~ on the corner OF Maine and Carlisle Streets
sDposits the Court House, Invites All his friends
GetsFminod to furnish nrst class accommodations
THOMAS HUJDH
iN. fFopsistef.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-04-02
HElElW M A N III o o D:
GE How Lost and how RestoredI
Duncannon. 54 tt

YUST published. a new edition Of DIR. CULVER
81 WELLS CELEBRATED ESSAY on the RAD
ICAL CURE OF certain weaknesses the effects OF Er
Pors and Abuses In early life.
The celebrated author, in this admirable essay
clearly demonstrates from thirty years success.
such errors and abuses may be radically cured
without the dangerous use OF internal medicine
sr the application OF the knife pointing out
mode OF cure at once simple, certain, and eifectual
by means OF which every sufferer, no matter what
kis condition may be- may cure himself cheaply,
Orivatey. and radically
s8- This Lecture should be In the hands Of every
youth and every man In the land
Sent, under seal, In plain envelope, TO any ad.
dress. postpaid on receipt Of six cents, or two
Also. Df. CuIverwell's " Marriage Guide" price
Is cents.
Address the Publishers
'CHAS J. O. KLINE&CO.,
ss.iyP J III Bowery, New York, p. o. Box, ASS.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-04-02
Bloomfield Academy!
AZ En0Ijsh and Classical School
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
Young Men Prepared For College.

A Normal School and u School Of Art.
Lexington weekly intelligencer., 1872-07-03
LEGISLATIVE.

JEFFERSON CITY. June 27.-Thc
bill rrli>rrictin- the state, Congress
ionallv. passed both Houses to-day,
the Conference committee haviu"
compromised, and reported the same
i'll -har" TO be received with favor
y bill making
TIE ELECTORAL
the same as the Congressional dis
lrirt>, wae also passed. The Eighth
District now comprises the counties
o; Platte, Clay,
JACKSUN.
CaSs aud Bates. Charlton is placed
in the Tenth. Boone in the Eleventh
and Rails III the Thirteenth District.
AN ACT
approprlailll% tive thousand five hun
'!rrd dollars to make up Il deficiency
passed.
The resi- ignation of Mr.. Bosbv>hcll.
of ST. Louis, was accepted.
y resolution declaring that meIn-
brr> and officers of the House were
entitled to four days extra pay for
the second extra session was tabled.
The Governor signed the rcdistrict-
ing bill and appropriation bill.
THE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL
closed abruptly to-day. the articles of
impeachment having been withdrawn
hy the managers. the House by rcSu-
luton ralliyin% their action.
RAILROAD MATTEES.
The first through passenger train
on the Missouri River and Louisiana
road from jefferson CITY to Chicago
left this evening al q n'rl"ck.
Lexington weekly intelligencer., 1872-07-03
Hon. " iS!llNGT0N .iDiNIS.

/ This distinguished lawyer and
juri-' has been mentioned hs several!
Of our exchanges II, II proper and
suitable man for one of the judges of
the supreme Court of this State. We
Know that he has an cllviablc rcpr-
tatiuu among the members ui his
profession for learning aud ability,
and that h" j, an upright. homes,
judge, and Il li"lr-mimdcd, honorable
."ntlrrlam. When he was appointed
by GOV. Brown to ill the vacancy
Ocrasioucd by the resi- .matiUn Ufjudmr
Currirr ascn-c Of approval and
satisfaction wa, felt by all IL the
people i'll this section of tho state al
least. and We believe we can -arcI,
say by the people Of The whole state.
Having given mi' lucrative practice
~ II lawyer at The instance Of
numerous friends, to accept Il short
remnant Of II term, it i, due that hc
should be elected for full term is
4 reward for his sacrifice.
Although, the Office o? Judge is not,
nor should ever be political one.
vet ~ all parties claim 10 b.. workiI..
for the best interest Of the country.
ii bchoovcs them to put forward the
very best men for suc.i Il responsible
positions, as the best mean, Of sul-rr-
wing that end. We hope to see the
Democracy put forward judge Adams
as one of their candidates for Supreme
judoesliip; for n, members of that
party, We wish to see il put forward,
men tina: viii be All honor to it. We
advise our readers to nave regard to
these important oiilcc,, when they
ei..t delegates to the state conven-
non, and send only such delegates as
VIII vote first and last for men whose
'e'ora Is fully known, and which up
P'a'H without blot or bIcmish.
cue" tt man Is Judge Washington
Adams
Lexington weekly intelligencer., 1872-07-03
4 FREE LOVE SHOOTING SCRAPE.

On Saturday night, the quiet little
village of Sparta, just below Sing
slug prison was thrown into con-
sternation by a number of pistol
SHOTS which seemed to have been
fired III the house of Mr.. J. Wilson
Ackef. n Few moments later man.
clothed III Natures garb only, went
howiln@ up the road toward Sing
sing, and was soon lost ia darkness.
The village was so thunderstruck
that none pursued him: they be-
lIeyed he Was 4 madman. Inquiry
was made on SUNDAY morning OF Mr.
and Mrs. Acker about the commo-
ton, but they declared that there
had been no noise in their house and
that they had seen no man aS above
described. 1t was only Yesterday
that the mystery was solved. Mr..
Schutt is keeperin Sing Sin" prison.
Mr.. Acker i II guard at the same
place, the former 4 bOarder Ill Mr..
Acker's family. Both are vounr.
and have always been firm friends.
Chief of Police. Newman. of Sinw
Sing, has furnished a sun Rcporter
with the following story:
i''> VI -Atkpr ana
Mr.. Schntt h@Se been the village talk
tor months. Some time AGO Srhu,t
let convict into the secret OF his
allrdTed intimacy with his landladv,
and the convict. havin" been correct
ed by Schutt for uuruly behavior.
and out of revenge. carried Srhutt'S :
secret to Mr.. Arkcr. On the evening
of the night in question. Mr.. Arkrr
told his wife that lie was going To
Iarrytown ts remain till morning.
and invited her and Mr.. Schuit to
walk up 10 the depot with him
They went. and saw him yet on the
train, and they started home. Mr..
Acker. instead of going to Tarrv-
town. jumped of on the opposite side
OF the train when ii got under way.
and made tracks for home. He had
safely slowed himself away under
the bed with Srvcu->hootrr.
before his wife and Schutt arrived.
He did not have To wait long after
they entered the house before he saw
Just what he got under the bed to see
Without IL word of warning Ackrr
rrawlcd from his hidin" place and
opened fire on the guilty pair. lie
fired five shots in quick succession.
two Of which took effect in Srhutl'>
lc:% and ankle. Taken wholly bv sur
prise. the victims We're 80 terrified
that neither moved until after the
third shot had been fired. then Schutl
made a dash for the window. .wn
stories from the ground. and lcaprd
out. Badly bruised and suffering
terribly from the pistol shots. Schu't
gathered himself up amd propelled
wholly by fright he ran away and
Went to the river ami followed th"
docks up to the hons" of Jack
Hyland. storc-kn"r"r of th" prison.
on the outskirts of the sing
sing village. Thence he wHs con-
vcycd to DIR. Collins rc>.,Irurr.
where his wounds were dress, AMI
Il >uir of clothing procured. Tn"
doctor tailed to find the ball and
Schutt was badly injured 10y I,i> leap
as well as by the pistol shots. bat he
insisted on leaving town. and was
placed en the midnight train for New
! "rk. He has not been heard from
in Sing Sing since. DIR. Collins >av>
that Schmtt> injuries may prove
fatal. Notllin" havin" been heard
from bim since he lri;. strength"
the belief that he l. either dead or
strangers. and too low to rive
any account Of himself
Lexington weekly intelligencer., 1872-07-03
THE WHEAT CROP.

The general condition "fthr wheat crop in
The different states "i the I'M III l. summed
thus IN the report ,fthc Observation-Disclosures
parincnt.
Ncrr>, ~ per cent. Of last wears: rou'i,inn
" per cent. 10, low average. Last years crop
was estimated al O.u0u. 900. and a Nirld AT
least III bushels per acrr.->aN "A per cent
below average. lhc rcIuru>. therefore. III
Iicatr. III the Iir>t week oi June. u prospect
of 40 ."no.uUo bushels.
In some "f the States. a. in Vermont
Aiahainnia. Georgia. Tennessee. Texas.
Kentucky. Wisconsin. Iowa. Nebraska and
perhaps Others. the crop i, abo," average
In NlrSi the average condition of the rrup
l. put down al - per cent. Michigan 49, Der
cent. Indiana IS per cent. Illinois. 81 per
cent. New York. - per cent In California.
a larger area than usual Is sown with the
promise ofa larger yield. In Oregon the
crop will be nearly average.
The report states the condition OF the crop
in Missouri thus:
missouri comes nearer failure than apy
ether Western state. The area of winter
wheat appears 10 be reduced \ per cent. and
condition Is AZ per cent. below average.
iSp,i;ng i'i,, wheat l. doing comparatively well.
out It's proportion to winter is only as l In
io. lhcre are reports Of winter wheat from
siNty-se'en counties, and only Ste. Gene
We've, Crawford. Mcdonald. Reynolds.
wayne carter and Perry stand above aver
sge. "A failnre" Is reported from Holt and
Monte eau. The late sown winter wheat wn.
severely injured by freezing and tl. ,nrinI
hss ncen unfavorable 'Chihch bugs In yasi
niimners have attacked some localities.
AGAIN ah'i repeatedly comes the statement
that hrilled "heat i, not winter-killed in .Irv
son hnd That >nwn broadcast Is very poor
anu In some eases has been plowed m. AMI
yet some farmers aud agricultural writers
have not learned of the benefit of drilling
na draining ~ perfectioa 10 wheat,'
Lexington weekly intelligencer., 1872-07-03
GREEiEY'S LAST.

The following short and pertinent
cpi>tl" from II. g.. addressed to a
friend appeared in the Hartford
I lines:
New York. Jane l.lS72.
have no possible cl,im To Demo
cratic support, antl never h.d any
Democrats. Of course. will be govern
cd hv consideration of their own
interests. his in nOwiSc propcr or
probable ,hn, they should be intlucn-
ccd IN maxim" their decision bv auv
consideration personal 10 myself. and
if they could be. 10 not desire it.
Hence lave said nothiiI" to any
Democrat unless lie first addressed
me, and even then l have gone no
further than to say if | should be
| would treat all those who
supported me alikc-not asking
they have been in the past
or Democrats.
Yours, etc,
HORACE GRRFI,EY
Lexington weekly intelligencer., 1872-07-03
TIE GREELEY RECORD.

WAsInNGrnS, June Ex-senator
Chandler and judge E.dmnunL>.
postmaster of this city, together with
Col. Hinton, the secretary of the
executive Grant committee. and !.
large force of government clerks.
have been very busy the past week in
t!:r ROOMS "a. the capitol. looking over
the files of tl.r Tribune from TIL" first
day of lis issue. more than 30 wears
a"o. Ia the time of the assembling ot
the Cincinnati convention. The
bound volumes are taken from the
congressional library and every paper
i read with critical care. Every
thing rclatin" to the tariff. to Iinan-
cCs. Ia the south, to the Democrats,
the war, the rebels, the trcc-iradcrs
and on all .uhircts which have arisen
during the past 80 wears. and which
are supposed To have any bearing
now all articles or paragraphs or
allu>iun, to these Subjects are latic-
ularly noted. Ii is proposed then to
have the various discoveries edited
by competent and not over scrlIpu-
lous persons, and the whole is to be
gwen to the country before long,
under the name of the "tireeley
Record" Its suggested that some
OF the material will be used by the
Grant politicians and those of the
VOORHEES, order TO defeat Greelev's
nomiation mt Baltimore.
Lexington weekly intelligencer., 1872-07-03
MISSOURI NEWS.

Township Organization Law car
'ricd ill johnson county by a majority
Of over 1900, only 400 votes being
cast against it.
The Columbia Statesman says that
Mr.. VIM. l.. Victor shcared from Is
head of Cottswold sheep 154 pounds
OF wool, which sold for fifty cents a
pound.
A southwest Missouri paper says
it has raincd SO much in that part of
the country that the people are
lamentiIg they were not born web
footed.
The st. Charles Comos has changed
hands-Mr. Davenport having sold
the establishment to Messrs. W. \.
Mcllcnry and c. c. Davis both lately
connected with the Cincinnati Times.
Mr.. Davenport says he rctircs for
ever from the newspaper world.
The Canada thistle was first taken
to .Audrain county i'll straw packed
around goods sent to Mexico from
the east The ugly weed threatens TO
take a strong hold in the country.
and The city and county authorizes
have joined in ordering it TO be des-
trolca wherever found.
vi the recent commencement cXer-
ci>cs OF Stephens College. at Column
bla, Mo, Miss Mary =. Goodwin. of
II. Charles. was awarded the Home
Medal" gold, for tie nearest ap-
proacli 10 the requirements OF Il
model h"usrkcrper.
Mr.. James Buicc of ST. Charles has
grey colt called Horace Greeley
scarcely three wears old. which las,
week. trOttcd a mile in three minutes.
a few days before he made the
same distance in 2:59. EVERYTHING
that bears the nam" of "Old Hon
rsty" is bound to win.
On Tuc>hay night of last week the
tobacco factor! of VIM. V. Hall. ucar
salisbury was completely destroyed
by fire. The tobacco had been
'prizrd" and was ready for shipment.
We lav" been ui.abl" to ascertain
the amount of the loss. but it is no
doubt very severe.
At Tie city election in Mexico on
Friday of last week, on the PROPOSE
ti"n TO take $1,000 stock in the
Hannibal Il Mexico railroad. IL com
paraiivclv small vote was cast. bu;
that vote was Il very decided one il
favor Of the proposition. being Il
majority of ! - out of less than 800
votes east.
The Paris Mercury says that y
daughter of Mr.. Cole. Tru>>cll. some
ten miles Southwest of that place
was bitten on the foot bv a rattle
snake. th" other da,:'-thc foot CON-
mcnred swelling immediately, and to
an alarming extent. but by adIniu-
lster'ng ropinus triught. of whiskcy
I" he girl and calling in medical aid.
the swrl!in" was allavcd and all dan
ger OF serious result was checked.
Lexington weekly intelligencer., 1872-07-03
OF LAFAIETTE
COUNTY.

Have you not all been compelled with few
exceptions) to economize in youeiomestic
affairs. that YOU might be enable, to make
..Ihe two ends meet" Have You .ot found
i, necessary to economic at cvry point
where it was possible TO do 50. lave YOU
not been compelled to deprive yourselves in
many Instances of the ordinary comforts, not
to say luNurles Of lie. in order to urtail en-
pen>es. that you might be enaLll 10 meet
your annual tar: Now would AZ you the
question. would il not be we'll to nike an cr-
tort To econumize in the expenditures OF our
county. Is well Us in our hou>ehol matters:
You are now Required 10 make n annual
payment 10 meet the interest on yur county
debt. The line vii! soon cumc.wha you will
be required TO make payment of tie princi-
pal a> We'll is interest. Here pemit me 10
To make few suggestions. In II fev months
you Will be called upon to elect yolr county
Officers. And fyou can secure the ser
Vices oil competent man to ill Il, office ui
County Clerk for the sum OF iwcly, hundred
dollars, per annum. why will yorpay thre,.
or four Thousand: If you can haytthe office
- NN''''' Va bCti> HiItu II ten or
twelve hundred per annum. why will YOU
pay twenty i've hundred dollars Ier annum
Tor the same services: II You ru have the
"ihce "i Collector and Treasure. filed. a
say two per cent. why will YOU pay four.
hNc or >iN per cent Now "A, TO ;b,>c offices
That are paid in fees. could tlicrenut be IA
arrangement made 10 allow then Il certain
portion "t The !c">.and requiring item TO pay
mo Inc County Treasury tac bal,,cc. over
anu above what they ma agree t. per-
ioTia The services for. For instance. Mr..
n. Is ouniy Clerk. the fees amount To cover
ana above eApcn>c>,} thr"r thousand dol
iLf> rrr aiinIiin. Mr.. 4. agrees to rrnI,r hi.
>crN Ices l"r unc thousand dollars. anI r,,
i"'" IN" Treasury. ihr remaining TWO ihoI-
>anI dollars. Mr. Il. agrees by his public
that if You eject him
Nrcor"rr Of deeds. lie will only retain
'r"m tees acrruin- ,lnr:hi> >rr,i,c~.l tie
sum of one Thousand dollars. and piy into
the Treasury the remaining amount Thcsr
amounts ia'i> saved 10 yuiI. could be applied
I" the liquidation Of your county debt. or
create sinking fund for said purpose. or
Iii >"mc other way applied To the finances of
Your county. and thereby lessen the burthrn
"i taxation 10 some cHt"nt. My own im-
pre- i. that YOU can save ten thousand
dollars annually 10y some such method in 1h,.
ah>vEcc %: legislation on the subject
y FARMER.
Lexington weekly intelligencer., 1872-07-03
JiDUE DAVIS EETEEES.

The Labor Reform nominee grace.
fully rctires from the field in the
letter given below:
BLoOMINGToN. June 2l. 1872.
f.. NJ. Chamberlain. President
Columbus Convention. Boston. Mass.
DEAR SIR: The National C"nvc,,-
tiou of Labor Rcfornicr>. on the 222,l
of February last. h"uurr,l mr v ilh
the nomination as their candidate for
the Presidency. Ilavin. regarded
that movement aS the initiation of
Il policy and purpose TO unite the va
riouS political elements in a compact
opposition, consented To the use of
my name before the Cincinnati Con-
vcnti"n. where Il Distinguished citi-
zrnS of N"w York WAS nominated.
'ndrr these circumstances. | deem
ii proper To retire absolutely from
the Presidential contest, aud thus
leave the friends who were generous
enough to offer mr their voluntary
support. free I" obey their comvic-
tinn~ OF duty. untriicrcd bv any sup
posed obligations.
SympalhllIn@ earnestly with al
Just and proper measures by which
I he condition of Labor may be- clrva-
ted and improved. am. with great
l., sprri. lour fellow citizen.
(>i"urd) David Davis.