, 1872-11-10
FUN.

-
her husband because he shot, on Sunday, Dear
tha. VAS killing his hogs.
Why should one ho csutlous about conna1nG
q secret to his relations? Because "nl'oa
will tell
on entering the cathedral at Milan, WAS, Oh,
what church to set married M ri a. IN !: -
world paradise for men, as it was all her fault
he lost the other.
boy "a R, with bose ss aoss se ssnsi sa
nc9 nc YOU. unc1e?" Elderly gentleman: mo,
my boz It sounds like the pop Of 8 cork
-: Remember, I know morality" said an
actress to Dumas fits. .'Yes, madam, as robbers
II your neighbor's hens are troublesome,
and steal across the way, don't let your angry
passions rise: fix place for them to iay'
Sailors are not necessarily makng plum
duff Then they stemming the CURRENTS.
-ts Brndder DeaE,"' said colored elder TO hls
white pastor, "cavn't 80 preach once without
sich talk about }yin' and stealin an CIV US one
day to real comfortin' reIgion7'
seat, nearly lost his wife, who fell into river
which flows through his estate. He announced
the narrow escape 10 his friends, expecting their
congratulations. One o. them Ia an ola Pc 9aHneol sa
| a somewhat illiterate gentleman up town
has named his dog Michael Angelo, on the sup
position that Mr. 4. was one Of the ola
the most co1lscientious lawyers, and, after stat
inn his case. said, snow, Mr. =, know you't
wysr but t wsh you rost1s1 would please s7' 1'se
| A loquacous blockhead, after bsbbllns some
time to Lord Erskine. observed he was afraid he
| Was obtruding on his lordship's ear. Oh, not
OF all, j" said Esek'ne; nA'e nos De0n A0''o"
ing."' ,,:x.
"A barber in Titusville, while cutting the halr
of rural customer. ran his shears against some
hard substance which proved to oe Whetstone-
Et.I n0a1 IQf vi
The old farmer said he had mssfa ,r rnat d 1be bs5
looked all over ten-acre lot for it, bnt now 1e-
membered sticking it up over his ear,
AT a funeral in New Jersey, the other aay,
friend of tho deceased asked pe1misson to iuake
a few remarks When he got upon, his feet he
informed the officiating Clergyman that 1t WoulG
have made his hair to stand on end to watch the
corpse planking chad at picnic, wh1e i fs1 ma9
, leg in the Virginia reel than eer . man in the
w6ole West Jersey Conference" The farmers
then proceeded to the grave.
One Of the eaddest sights IN TINS season OF
the wear (says the Danbury Neecs) is 9 young
man Who has waited outside the church OF an
evening until he is chilled through. only to see
his girl walk off with some rascal who has oeen
inside all the time. toast'nG his sln1u shins d.
She tripped lightly Ger the crossing, lsplns
q "Dear Augustus" and was the polnt OF en-
bracing him. when rude boy ran up, and, i!ao hold
ing out q bundle of papers, CRIED ous, MISSES, ,
| ASSAAA3
down dark alley.
ot The upon =; ba the disss9o1 soaea
was an exceedingly nervous man, Tho' 5e Mhte
). / would do to acquaint his wife win n1B tste~
q Saved at last he rushed to the Telegraph once oneg'
h and sent this 1nessage: Dear f., Eli s&'eo~
"a Break it gently to my wife,"
70 "A man advertised for wife, aud requested q
=. each candidate to enclose her carte de uasate q
- spirited young lady wrote to the advertiser III
a. the following terms: ''Sir, do not enclose my
- carte for, though there il some authority 1or
putting cart before horse, know Of none for
h putting one before an ass!"
- - A singular episode took place at a church
n near Memphis recently, where revival was go.
~ ~ ing on During very silent and solemn part OF
- - the services penitent brother, who had been
~ resting bis aching brow on his Pslm, suddenly
&C. %, started up. and cried out in loud voice:
pv pv was dozng beside him on the seat. jumped te
'' his feet, sti1l half asleep; and said, with en-
phasis, "keno, by George!"
"A new dish is grape leaves fried In egg Bat
marks: We can't think Of anything tho
would be more delicious than fried grape leaves
unless it is circus poster On toast.
"A young lady, who is studying French, late
" wrote to her parents that she was g. invltct
out to deje1ue1 the day before" and was ''goinl
ws to a .fete champctre the no1t day." Tic profcs
eor Of the college was surprised to receive
saying, ''If you emit keep my daughter ava,
from these blasted ncnageries and side shows,
will come down and see what ails her" -,
"A rural sport who tried to cut his pie with
fork at one Of the Titusvil1e hotels. because
city girl vas sitting opposite, had the mstot
tune to harpoon his tongue At the second mouth
ful, and in his efforts to pull out the fork upss
has q dish of cranberry sauce IN the lady lap II
gcs says he ''don't 60 cent on style now an
as will shovel in his food in the old manner here
lall after, if Queen Victoria sits next to him."
o9s AT certain church fair, 3 set OF Cooper
.n 20 works was promised to tho novldnal VINO snou
!ts answer set OF conundrums- dashing youn
beg fellow WAS pronounced the winner, and receive
aye ase set OF wooden pails~ The young man receive
the his reward with sardonic smile, aud wou
uB, have been angry but one Of the sweet-voice
sisters standing near suggested that they migl
be useful for Housekeeping some day. The cor
!, undrum oliminator suddenly discovered that tt
F. lady had pretty eyes!
"A lady who had received severe bite on b
arm from dog went to DR.. Abernethy, b.
J, hearing OF his aversion to hear the statement
particulars, she merely uncovered the injuI
part. and held it before him in silence. AT
examining it he said, in inquirlng ton
"Scratch?" "Bite said the lady. "Cat :"
quired the doctor. ''Dog," rejoined the lad
,+h 30 delighted WAS the doctor with the brew
o1 G.a yoa sre
hos most sensible woman have met with IN all I
|nn sret life!"
Irm- -Piety. and business are very pleasant
is oienuea ~ ~ aolo"anS eoPs a, ~ ;sred ~
iBite "n1en ~ 70 ~ ~. 1oso D"h" uG,ntiarra
nge1 commeleiat nlln ~ noutuay o'.r .as1,s,,
father departed this life on the - inst. Z
business will be continued by his beloved so
whose names are stated below. The opium m
ket is quiet, and Malwa 1.5oors. per chest
grave where is thy sting? o death where
thy victory we are yours truly, -"
in the days OF question-books aud "niotl
Gooue," bright boy. more familiar with
latter than the former, once asked in the 81
day School: "Who were thrown into the ii
furnace7" He couldn't answer; and the qu
ton passed to his seat-mate, who respone
With -"Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-neg
The backward boy was sorry not to be N
prompt, and when tho next question cam
''Who put them in 7'-he answered instan
the out Of his memories OF Mother Goose On " P
cog, | Nv in the Weu': "Little Johnny Greeu."
, but The parson went in to condole with 4
light Joness Poor Jones! It was very sudden 3; ,
and the widow was altogether inconsolnble. So
boy, | narson prepared to depart. saving, Us he t.