Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-12-09
JOSH BILLINGS ON THE MULE.

discovering her mistake. Tha weigh
more, akordin tn their heft, than emmy
other kreetur, except crowbar Tha
kant hear emmy quicker, nor further than
the hoss, yet their ears are big enough
for snow shoes. You kan trust them
with any. one whose life aint worth any
more than the mules. The only way tu
keep them into paster, is to turn them
into meddeTr jineing, and let them jump
out. Tha are reddy for use, just as soon
as tha will du tu abuse. Tha haint got
emmy friends, and will live on huckel
berry brush, with an occasional chanse
at Kanada thistels. Tha are a modern
invenshun, don't think tie Bible de-
ludes tn them at tall Tha sell for more
money than emmy other domestick ami
mile. Yu kant tell their age by look
ing into their mouth, emmy more than
you kould a Mixican cannons Tha
never hav no disease that good club
wont heal. IF tha ever die tha must
kun rite tu life agin, for never herd
nobody say ''ded mule They are like
sum men, very korrupt at harte; i've
known them tu be good mules for six
months, just tn git good chanse to kick
sumbody. | never owned one, nor never
mean to, unless there is United Stats
law passed, requiring it. The only rea-
son why tina are pashunt, is bekause tina
are ashamed ov themselves. | hav seen
eddikated mules in sirkus. Tha kud
kick, and bite tremenjis. [ would not
sa what am forced to sa again the mule
if his birth want an outrage, and man
want tn blame for it. Emmy man who
is willin to drive mule, ought to be ex-
empt from runnin for the legislatur.-
Tha are the strongest creatures on earth,
and heaviest according to their size; |
| herd tell ov one who fell oph from the
tow path, on the Fri kanawl, and sunk
as soon as he touched bottom, but ne
kept rite on towing the boat tu the next
stashun, breathing thru his ears, which
stuck out ov the water about feet 6
inches; didn't see this did, but an
auctioneer told me ov it. and never
knew an auctioneer tn lie unless it was
absolutely convenient.
LEGISLATIVE JoKEs.-The "wisdom
and virtue" of the State are sometimes
given to jokes as we'll as other people,
and among others one is related which |
;. do not remember to have seen in print,
though it may have been. 1t occurred
, years ago when Moses Cheney was the
member from Barnard" In the intro
duction and passage of corporation bills
and charters, they are so similar in form
that it is customary for some one or the
, member introducing them, to move thai
6 ''as they are in the usual form they bt
read by their titles only" and no ONT
objecting, they are so read. On the oc
! casion above referred to, a member whc
: had been in the habit of addressing tn,
House on nearly every question, and re
garded as very prosy at that, arose anc
), in his usual manner began to addres
: the House. Mr.. Cheney stood it for
few moments and then jumped to hi
feet and interrupting said: ''Mr. Speak
er:-As the speech of the gentleman
from - appears to be in the usua
,, form, move that he have leave to de
liver it by its title only" The effec
10 of this motion upset the gravity of bot
+ Speaker and House for some moment
70 and it was regarded as beneficial 70
|, several legislatures following Ex.
A.
: One of the most touching incidents q
devotion the world has ever known wa
Ie the last act in the life of John Walker
+ the fireman on the Baltimore & Ohio raj
[e road week ago. He was caught bt
X tween the foot-board and the hot wall {
p- the engines furnace, and, from the hol
rible position, it was impossible to extr
F., cate him. When he first realized tt
frightful death awaiting him he implo
= ed those around him to kill him at ono
rather than to allow him to die slowl,
= Then, in moment becoming calm, wit
> that perfect self-renunciation with whic
life ends, he forgot his own agony, AM
- with his dying hand, wrote a farewe
- message to his wife, that she might kno
- his last thoughts were of her.
! A MAN WITHOUT AN ADvERTIsEMEN
&c Talk about a woman without bab
= man without wife. a ship without
rudder. What is the lack of each
on these individuals or things to that of
man without an advertisement I? He
in as David Crockett says, hopeless Gu:
ba toner. 'goner in the community:
,av Talk of being successful in busine
n You might as well talk of ascending
Tho the moon on creased moonbeam. Pc
!, pie point at him in the street, and sa
- "Poor Cassius has lean and hung
no look 1t may, however, be consoli
;e to him to reflect that when he dies
r.. will be advertised at last, and gratu
;oa ously at that-Erchange
of A MILL STOPPED BY EELs.-Last we
ing most remarkable stoppage of mill