Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1872-06-01
Varieties.

A cURATE having been overhauled by
his Bishop for attending ball, the
former replied, MY Lord, wore a
mask" "Oh, WE'LL" returned the
Bishop, " that puts new face on the
affair"
AN old minister asked woman what
could be done to induce ner husband to
attend church. al don't KNOW" she
replied, "unless you were to put pipe
and jug of whisky in the pew"
A NEGRO preacher observed to his
hearers at the close of his sermon as
follows: "My obstinacious bredern,
finds it no more use to preach to you
dan il am for a grasshopper to wear
kneebuckles."
The wife of a Welsh minister, John
Evans, asked her husband, "Do you
think we shall know each other in
heaven?" He replied, "To be sure we
shall; do you think we shall be greater
fools there than here ~
A JANEsvILLE, Wis, lady wanted to
name her favorite kitten Dolly Warden,
but couldn't, and so she called him
Thomas Warden. She was bound to be
in style as near as circumstances would
permit"
THE Wyoming Journal publishes the
following in its advertising rates: Fees
for marriage notices as high as the
ecstacy and liberality of the bridegroom
may prompt"
The following dialogue occurred re-
Gently in one of the public schools in
Baltimore Teacher to scholar" What
gender is mouse ?' Scholar" Fem.
mine" Teacher" Please to give the
masculine gender" Scholar" Rats"
COLONEL G. was very fat, and being a
bankrupt, was met by one of his credi-
tors with How do you do, Colonel?'
" Pretty well. you see hold my own
yet" Yes" said the other, "and
mine too, to my sorrow"
"What do you think is the best thing
in oil here" said Mahlstick to friend
as they met at the lunch table after in
specting a private collection Of paint
ings belonging to a gentleman of New
York" Best thing in oil? why the
sardines," said the interrogated, us he
made fresh attack on the edibles.
a GENTLEMAN whose daughter had
married man by the name of Price,
was congratulated by one of his friends.
who remark ed: Il am glad to see you
have got Price for your daughter"
The simple people living round
Stamford, Conn.,, weep with pious fer
vor over Eastwood relics of the Holy
Land manufactured at that city.
MAMA" Now take your medicine
like good girl, and when you get we'll
l'll buy you nice doll" Sick child
" Please, ma, have tia Dolly Warden"
A YOUNG lady went into music shop
and asked the clerk if he had Glowing
Eyes" He replied, "l'm told so by
the girls"
The enterprising individual who is
organizing a brass band of twenty wo-
men in Cincinnati, says if they learn
half as many airs as they put on, the
experiment cannot fail of being sue.
cess.
A roLI.GArE keeper in Virginia was
cruelty to his daughter, occasioned by
her allowing her lover to drive through
the gate free, whensshe had charge of
it. Like one of Shakspeare's heroines,
"She never 'tolled her love-"
A MAN out West undertook to play
with lion at the menagerie the other
day. He says he finds it mighty hard
to write with his left hand, but
that he misses his eye more than any
thing else. His nose was always Il
trouble to him.
A YOUNG lady seekinga a situation, was
interested in an advertisement for
some one to do light housekeeping. So
she wrote to the advertiser asking
where the light house was, and if there
was any way of getting to shore on Sun
6ays