Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-01-05


An oleaginous act-Whale boy and
you will find him full of blubber.
Why are jokes Ike nuts Because the
dryer they are, the better they crack
Why are pigs like fashionable women p
Because they each carry curl behind.
A cynical old bachelor says that it is the
privilege of hoops to surround the loveliest
Of all things, among which are girls and
whiskey.
A California milkman is said to have left
a can of water by mistake at a customer
house, and the customer never discovered
the error.
1t is cheerful to be sitting in railroad
car, going at the rate of forty miles an hour,
and have man pass through the train and
put tract in your lap entitled, 'Prenare to
rs molasses good for cough 2 inquired
Jones. who had taken slight cold and was
barking with considerable energy
IT ought to be- said Brown, it is sold
for consumption
DARN1Na.-On hearing the report that the
shocking condition of the fremen's hose had
resulted in the destruction of large amount
Of property, woman sat up all night darn
ing her husbands stockings.
Have you seen my black-faced antelope p
inquired the keeper Of a managerie, slightly
mispronouncing the name Of the animal. =
NO. said the visitor. Whom did your
black-faced aunt elope with z
Come here, you miscnievous little rascal,
you will you lick me, father p Mo-
will you swear you WORTH yes Then
I won't come, father, for parson Atwood
says, that he who sweara will le'
what makes your COWS SO cross 2 said
an old lady to the milkr1an, the other day.
Gross, ma'am? They are the gf,fkk '-i is
thugs in the world Replied, sharply.
T{uilp and his wife aad a bit of conten.
tionEthe other day q own that Won have
NOR brilliancy than T. said the woman
'butr have the better Judgment YES
answered Quilp, your choice in MARRYING
shows that! Quilp YES informed that be
was akbrute.
An Iowa merchant sent dunning letter |
to a man, who replied by return mail you
say you are holding nay note yet. That is
all right, perfectly right. Just keep hold
ing on to it, and if you find your hands slip.
ping, spit on them ar try it again. Yours
affcctionately.'
'The first bird 1 slot in Ameriky,' said
eyr-IL.:.ssn sportsman, was forkupine.pork.
upine. freed him tnder hay stack. and
shot him with barn shovel. The first time
I hit him I missed him, and the second time
hit him [ hit him in the same place where
I missed him the first time.'
A negro preacher at a Georgia camn.
meeting told his hearers that thew could
never enter heaven with whiskey bottles in
heir pockets, and urged them to bring 'em
light up to the pulpit, and he would offer
EN- sacrifice to de Lord 1t was done
,ut the preacher was found incapable when
he hour for evening service arrived.
A countryman who visited Greenville
Tenn, had his attention attracted bv the
sign Of the Andes Insurance Com.
,any. He looked at it long and intentlv
md then broke out in joyful exclamation -
Well, know'd old Andy would be at some.
him afore long; [ tell yer, they can't keep
i'm down; no they can't 7 and walked on.
A LATE ApoLooY. Texas exchange
ellis story of party of surveyors, who
topped one night at a log cabin on the
,razos. Their hostess soon afterward invi-
ID them to supper, asking them, in turn, if i.
icy would have sugar in their coffee. I
Yes they replied
Make mine very sweet, said one.
land mine, too said another.
The lady smilingly acknowledged the a
shes Of each of her guests, and proceeded
pour out the coffee. Suddenly stopping,
looked gravely around the table and
Put, gentlemen. I hain't got bit of
@
is needless to say they took coffee with =
q .Weetening r