Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1872-12-14
SerfO Comic Itemizing.

clean out the editor of the Sioux City Times,
has consented to postpone operations until the
doctors have fixed half y dozen broken bones
for him, and extracted three or four bullets. !"
Is not the following brief, comprehensive and
to the point.
Mis-. Swan, of Cochran, New York, light
ed her fire with kerosene on Monday, leaving a
husband and one child.
Ofhorrible accidents how pleasant it is to
read and be left to imagine as much, or as lit
tie, horror as you please. Here is the whole
story in nu,shell, aud full column of ghos,y
particulars would not add to it
"A Pennsylvania, after lighting match,
threw it into powder keg. The coroners of
three counties are collecting the shreds.
Here We have coofagration done up in
style:
John Baldwin, of Grupdy county, Iowa,
owned defective fue. He doesn't own it
now. Loss, $500. "
And here is another:
"A Kansas farmer fired ut some rats under
the barn and killed several. Loss, 5000;
uninsured.
Witness the following physiological item.
No exhaustive medical treatise could express
more:
"A man in Galveston, the other day who
complained Of being overheated, effected per-
lnauent cure by drinking six glasses of ice wa
ter, without the aid Of physician. He was
cool when the Coroner came"
The following precautionary item tells = sad
story of experience, and we may take the lesson
without a shudder:
IAN agricultural gentleman ofDenver Colo
RADIO, who, despite his wite's warnings persist
ed in smoking on load of hay the other morD-
ing, returned home shortly afterward with his
hair and eyebrows -inged, and the iron work
of his wagon in potato sack.
Here is another equally good:
''NIr. Collins of Hartford, bought ferocious
watch dog Mr. Collins came home late that
night His wife says his trousers can t be
mended. The dog 8 skin is for sale cheap.
Mr.. Collins hopes TO be able to sit down IN
few weeks.
If we must have items of scandal published,
commend us to the man who can satisfy him
self with calculating as follows:
"A lady in Atlanta tied her husbands hands
and teet the other day. just for fun, and then
went through his pocket for a. certain, billet
doux. and found it. His physician tells him
that hia face won't be badly SCARED, though he
may remain permanently bald.
What a chapter of domestic unrest is brought
10 a climax in this bit of romance:
"A mother-in-law in Lansingburg New
York, is trying to rid her eyes of . quantity
of red pepper which, in some strange way or
other come through the key hole OF her daugh-
term. law 5 room.
CAROLINE Court last Monday was bitter
cold aud dull and dreary. The eplxoots had
the horses and good many OF the people.
Inside the Court House, numerous citizens
were irving to keep the stove warm. The
Judge and jury, clerk, lawyers, &C., (about, III
teen or twenty white men) we're trying to
find ont whether darkie had stolen hog and
they did not succeed Several Subscribers &e.,
said they were trying" to pay what they
owed, but they did not succeed. ln fact they
did not seem to be trying very hard. 1t was
very trying but very unsuccessful DAY. ;.
The best thing we saw was Mr.. Dawes DIN
ner of wild turkey, duck, beef, ham, &c, which
all who tried 10 eat, succeeded. those VINO
wanted enough to pay for dinner 10 torked
lightning brandy, &c., made mistake Inc
outdoor oyster venders drove brisk trade sno
aqua fortis whiskey seemed to be freely 'm-
bibed. r
Half drunken colored people were firms, on
pis,ols on their way home out OF town. why
are they not Informed of the penalty they incur
tor violating the law in carrying concealed Wesp-
ops. and why is not the law enforced to hne
them, as was down in Essex county recently.
r. was impossible to take notes. of any
sort, owing to the cold weather, the ep'zootlc
and the scarcity of money. .,
Let us hope that next year Caroline will i'm
proye. There is ample room torlt.-Fred Ne'0S'
THE FOREIGN OYSTER TRADE.-We men
toned short time since the arrival at TINS
mort of two English vessels, the schooner Jane
Eoo5 and the barkentine Queen of the Isles,
which came here for oysters to be replanted 10
Enplish waters. The vessels were loaded on
Nansemond Ridge, care being taken to select
small, single oysters, and those from shoal wa
T ters being preferred as more likely to live dur
;ng long VOYAGE, and being better suited tor
trsn.nlantine. Mr.. Russell, the agent OF the
Encsh capitalists engaged in this trade, su-
nerintended, in person, the loading of the yes
sells and expressed himself as confident OF the
success of the scheme. 1t successful IN TINS
venture, he says, the company VIII send eleu1
or ten steamers to Hampton Roads for oysters
next season. Unusual care was taken 10 stof-
inc the bvalves in the vessels holds, some pe-
ing placed on the bottom. and the resi- on 1a!se
decks Both Of the vessels sailed SUNDAY WIN
6ne wind and the prospect 91 quick pas,
sage The cargo of the Jane Hood co nsiste,d
az 5ol hushels l2l of which we're in barrels
=, on e.neriment, and that of the Queen OF
1he Isles of 4,Sl6 bushels-9,337 bushels IN
All Gradually and almost unDotlced trace
is growing up which is destined to assume con'
s;derable :; importance. .-NoyoM Journal.
CARE OF TEErH-Rousseau said that no wo'
man with fine teeth could be ugly. Any. te
male mouth with good set of teeth is klisa, s.
hle M The too early loss of the first, teeth ha;
an an unfayorabls influence upon the beauty and 3s
Surat;on Of the second The youngest should
occordinely be made to take care of them. All
thst !, necessary is to brush them several times
dav with little ordinary soap or maRnesls
and water.