davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18
LAUGHTER AxALYzED.

Most of the philosophers who have set to
work to define mental sensations insist that
laughter supposes feeling of superiority in
the laugher over the laughed at; but they
seem to overlook the great distinction be-
tween laughing with any one. Doubtless a
feeling of contempt often raises q laugh, and
the absurdities of men and women are q con-
slant food for laughter but humorists often
laugh at themselves. Nothing viii illustrate
better the absurdity of the wholesale state
ment that laughter implies contempt than
Charles Lambs relation to Coleridge. He
constantly laughed and jolSed at the preaching
of the philosopher, but he reverenced his
friend of fifty years, and looked up to him
with child-like love. A "Westminster Re-
viewer = defines the cause of laughter as the
representation of objects with qualities the
opposite of their own; but all incongruitles
do not cause laughter. Ludicrous incongrui-
ty is opposite to dignity, and this is why those
who have little wisdom to sall back upon hate
laugh, Lord Bolingbroke said that gravity
is the very essence of imposture and Joe
Miller is the authority for the assertion that
as the glayest beast is an ass, the gravest bird
is an owl, and the gravest fish is an oyster
so that the gravest man is a fool. If any one
is inclined to doubt Joe Miller's dictum, we
can corroborate it by the authority Of Plato,
who when indulging in the guilt of his heart,
used sometimes to say, "Sience, my friends
let us be wise now here is a fool coming.''
Lord Chesterfield was no fool. and he dsap.
proved of laughter; but he allowed his son to
smile, for he did not advocate gravity He
considered laughter as Inbred, not only on
account of the disagreeable noise, but because
of the shocking distortion of the face that it
occasions !" 1t is happy for the world that
such false notions are not received. Some
suppose that laughter is caused by novelty
and surprise, and a French philosopher, in
accounting for the fact, Jhat, although we
were told our Lord wopt, we never heard that
lie laughed, suggests to us the reason that
nothing was new to Him. Although this is
good enough as a theory, it is grounded upon a
mistaken idea of laughter for we often laugh
on the recollection of a witticism. Never
theless, surprise ism material element of laugh
ter, although it is not confined to that emotion.
1t has been we'll observed that the only
constant effect that follows on an original and
striking comparison is u shock of agreeable
surprise; it is as if partition-wall in one
intellect was suddenly blown out Z; two things
formerly strange to one another have flashed
together. ~ British Quarterly Reoieo
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18

The following eloquent extract from u Fourth
of July address by Edwin Forrest, the actor,
gains new interest in view of hisrecent death
"To Jefferson belongs exclusively and for
ever the high renown of having framed the
glorious charter of American liberty. To his
memory the bencdictons Of this and all sue
ceeding times are due for reducing the theory
of freedom to its simplest elements, and in a
few lucid and unanswerable propositions es-
tablishing groundwork on which men may
securely raise lasting superstructiire of ma
tional greatness and prosperity. But our
fathers, in the august assemblage of '76, were
prompt to acknowledge and adopt the solemn
and momentous principles he asserted. With
scarce an alteraton--with none that affected
and with but few that changed in the slightest
degree its verbal construction--th published
that exposition of human rights to the world
as their Declaration of American Independ-
ence, pledging to each other their lives, their
fortunes, and their sacred honor in support of
the tenets it proclaimed. This was the grand
est, the most important experiment ever I'M
dertaken in the history of man. But they
that entered upon it were not afraid of new
experiments, if founded on the immutable
principles of right, and approved by the sober
convictions of reason. There were not want
ing then--indeed, there are not wanting now
pale counsellors to fear, who would have
withheld them from the course they were pur-
suing, because it tended in direction hither-
to untried. But they were not to be deferred
by the shadowy doubts and timid suggestions
of craven spirits, content to be dashed forever
round the same circle of miserable expedients,
perpetually trying anew the exploded shifts
which had always proved lamentably made
quate before. To such men the very name of
experiment is u sound of horror 1t is a spell
which conjures up gorgons hydras, and
chimeras dire. They seem to know that all
that is valuable in life-that the acquisitions
of learning, the discoveries of science, and the
refinement of art-are the result of expert
ment. 1t was experiment that bestowed on
Cadmus those keys of knowledge with which
we unlock the treasure-houses of immortal
mind. 1t was experiment that taught Bacon
the futility of the Grecian philosophy. and led
him to that demonstrating method of invest
cation and analysis on which Science has safe
ly climbed to the proud enIineuce where she
now sits dispensing her blessings on mankind.
1t was experiment that lifted Newton above
the clouds and darkness of this visible diurnal
sphere, enabling him to explore the sublime
mechanism of the stars, and weigh the planets
i'll their eternal rounds. 1t was experiment
that nerved the hand of Franklin to snatcl,
the thunder from the armory of heaven. 1t
was experiment that gave this hemisphere to
the world 10 acas experiment that gage this
continent .fieed0m."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18

A SCENE IN THE SIERRAs.--California is a
country unlike any other. Nature here is as
rude, as inchoate, as unfinished as the life.
The people seem to have come here a thou
sand years too soon, and before the great
hostess was ready to receive them. The for
ests, vast, silent, damp with their undergrowth
of gigantic FERNS recall remote carboniferous
epoch. The trees are monstrous, sombre and
monotonously alike. Everything is new crude
and strange. The grass blades are enormous,
and far apart. There is no carpet to the soil,
even the few Alpine flowers are odorless and
bizarre. There is nothing soft, tender nor
pastoral in the landscape. Nature affects the
heroics rather than the bucolics. Theocricus
could have scarcely given melody to the utter
ances of these Action herdsmen, with their
brierwood pipes and their revolvcrs slung at
their backs. There were vast spaces of rock
and cliff, long intervals of ravine and canon,
and sudden and awful lapscs of precipice The
light and shadows were Rembrandtish, and
against their background the faintest outlines
Of human figure stood out starkly.-Bret
Harte's Lecture.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18

AN EDITORIAL CoNTRoyERsY.-Edi editorial
passion is not always as fierce as it seems.
Once on time there was fierce controversy
in Memphis over some local municipal project.
While it was still raging the editors of the
two dailies which had been most bitterly ar
rayed against each other in the contest, both
went away for the Summer, and each without
the others knowledge employed the same
man, a young lawyer, to conduct his paper in
his absence. The young limb of the law,
naturally enough, took to both sides of the
question. He made the controversy between
the two papers hotter and hotter on each
successive day, crowds gathered each afternoon
about the office and it was generally expected
that the two furious editors would shed blood.
Popular excitement was intense, when one
editor came hurrying home from Virginia and
one from Alabama, each thinking the other
was about to murder his own substitute.
Such was the fervor of the popular feeling and
evaporation that the story was necessarily
kept quiet. If the mischievous fraud upon
the public passion had been exposed at the
time the con ansoye editor would have been
hanged to a lamp-post.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18
/. HI. S.

correspondent of the Easton Daily Express
makes the following correction, which is of
more than local interest as the mistake which
he points out is prevalent one
ssIn the notice of the conservation of lions
German Evangelical Lutheran Church, atten-
ton is called to the fact that the letters { I.
ii. s. are in full view over the altar, and, it
is added these are the initials of the Latin
words for Jesus the Saviour of men,
Without any desire to criticse, but simply to
bring out a historical fact which may prove
interesting to many of your readers win
take the liberty to correct the explanation
given above of the initials |. II. S. The facts
involved are stated in full by Eusebius So
crates and Sozomen, Greek Church historians,
who flourished in the fourth and fifth centu-
ries. The following citation, given in an En-
glish dress, is from Sozomen's Ecclesiastical
History, Book j, 8, A : We have been inform
ed that Constantine (the Great) was led to
honor the Christian religion by the occurrence
of several different events, particularly by the
appearance of a sign from heaven. When he
first formed the resolution of entering into
war against Maxentius he was beset with
doubts as to the means of carrying on his mill
tary operations and as to the quarter whence
he could look for assistance. In the midst of
his perplexity he saw, in a vision, the sight of
the cross shining in Heaven. He was amazed
at the spectacle, but some holy angels, who
were standing by, exclaimed, 80, Constantine !!
by this, go forth to conquer!' And Christ
himself appeared to him aud showed him the
symbol of the cross, and commanded him to
construct one like it, and to retain it as his
help in battle, as it would insure the victory.
Eusebus, surnamed Pamphilus affirms that
he heard the Emperor declare with an oath
that, as he was reclining, about the middle of
the day. he and the soldiers who We're with
him saw in Heaven the trophy of the cross,
composed of light and encircled by the fol-
lowing words: BY this, go forth to conquer 7
y The Emperor sent for skillful
artisans, and commanded them to remodel the
standard called by the Romans. Labarum, to
convert it into representation of the cross,
and to adorn it with gold and precious stones.
This warlike trophy was valued beyond all
others, for it was always carried before the
Emperor and was honored by the seltliery.'s
"The words translated in the above citation
by this, 90 forth to victory are in the
original Greek, ..Touto nilsa, whilst the Latin
words encircling the cross, as seen by Con-
stantine, are In hoe signo yinces, that is,
'By this sign shalt thou conquer The word
'vinces' was soon dropped for the sake of
brevity, and /. II. S., the initials of In hoe
signo, become a common symbol in the
Christian Church. The explanation, to which
exception has been taken, assumes, though
without good reason, that |. II. S. are the in-
tials of the words Jesus hominum Salvador. y
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18

The parson went in to condole with Mrs.
Jones. Poor Jones it was very sudden and
the widow was altogether inconsolable. So
the parson prepared to depart, saying, as he
took his hat:
81 viii leave you, poor bereaved one, with
this injunction, pray-pray that God Will
youchsafe His comfort that He will enable
you to perceive the promised bow in the"
ooh, parson - she burst III, how can you
think Of such a thing? It's too-too--too
premature, I'm sure !"
The old gentleman departed, slightly mysti-
fed and it was only after many minutes, and
much cogitation, that it occurred to him that
the show " he was talking of was not at all
the sbeau - of which Mrs. Jones was think
ing. And he pulled up .old Charley's" reins
just long enough to smile. -Christian Union.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18
HuRRYING no DEATH.


very reeehtiy distinguished professor in %
ns'n" University wanted 10 deposit letter
- s,o pos' once on the othef siae OF the rail
,o''. track. a locomotive was approaching,
~ '''o1s'"' ~ couiu Cross before the ponder
vus s''sh'e eoulu come along. lie miscalcu-
'@ssN '',e sl'ecu' ~ announcer moment ne was
,'p0'o' ''''sss Aaa1 ne waited Two minutes
-. : '.'nA's' ','e sfa''' wo''la nave passed
os, ''''' ~ o''u,'' nave oeposiued ms letter
you,'s aa''y WISHED 70 SHOW her friends
~" '"s''y guy .''ui" o'sss ~ 'front.' q loco-
'''o''se ae uiu CROSS outher streaming dress
o'usho III 'nc passing Wieei, drawing her back
''..''' i's oia''i'is "e'ghs.
o ','o'.oon' apoue sunaown, young
"i'o was aoohiiie ouc Oh the window OF her
o0""'ii"i eoui''iy i'oihc iof the return OF her
young n"sp.'hu from une city. For the six
,io"'ns =. 'ilel' married NE JUST past they had
pee'i p"Shy hNins up their country place both
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18
THE DELUGE.
CONFIRMATION OF THE BIBLE STORY FROM t
CHALDAIC SOURCES |

CONFIRMATION OF THE BIBLE STORY FROM
CHALDAIC SOURCES.
We have received from the accomplished
discoverer, Mr.. George Smith, of the British
Museum, the subjoined most interesting ac-
count of the record of the Delilge, which, as
we announced day or two ago, he has lately
deciphered from the Assyrian monuments
"The cuneiform inscription which / have
recently found and translated gives a long and
full account of the Deluge. 1t contains the
version or tradition of this event which existed
in the early Chaldean period at the city of
Erech Tone of the cities of Nimrod), now repre-
sented by the ruins of Warl1a. In this newly
discovered inscription the account of the
Deluge is put as narrative into the mouth of
ness of the world, the command to build the
ark, it's building, the filling Of it, the Deluge,
the resting of the ark upon the mountain, the
sending out of the birds and other matters.
The narrative has a closer resemblance to tho
account transmitted by the Greeks from Be
rosus, the Chaldcan historian, than to the
Biblical history, but it does not differ materi-
ally from either. The principal differences
are as to the duration of the Deluge, the name
of the mountain on which the ark rested, the
sending out of the birds, etc. The cuneform
account is much longer and fuller than that of
Berosus and has several details omitted both
by the Bible and the Chaldean history. This
inscription opens up many questions of which
we knew nothing previously, and it is con-
nected with number of other details of
Chaldean history, which will be both interest
ing and important This is the first time any
inscription has been found with an account of
an event mentioned in Genesis. "-London
telegraph.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18
Musical Department.

C1BINIT ORGANS
In this department offer for sale the Instruments Of
rs-class makers embracing the celebrated Burdet Or
gans. the Tremaine Organ and Others and in in
stances at considerable reduction from price list
Call and see the Instruments exhibition.
PIANOS
agent for several of the leading piano makers and
with sell and deliver Instruments upon favorable terms
Organs and Pianos sold on monthly nstalments.
Special inducements to Churches Societies and Music
Teachers.
GUITARS B4NJOS, &C.
keep also for sale Guitars Banjos Accordeons Music
Boxes etc. aad nil furnish to order carefully selected
by competent person. any other instruments that may
be desired
SHEET MUSIC, MUSIC BOOKS DC
receiving from the celebrated house of 0. Ditson
Co. all the latest sheet music, fast issued Also,
all the most popular music books including instruction
books for voice and instrument.
On hand several hundred pieces Of sheet music In
strumenta and vocal Please call and look them.
Discount to teachers.
Violin, Guitar and Banjo Strings and other musical
snerchaHdize constantly on hand.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18

The most practical suggestion yet made
toward economy in coal, seems to be the use
of solid bottoms in fire CRATES If as asserted,
and indeed proved that in any fire not ex-
ceedingly small, plate of iron placed upon
the CRATE will save the consumption of coal,
reduce the smoke, and leave cheerful, free
burning fire. Quite sufficient air enters
through the bars, no poking is necessary, and
the fires never goes out till the Goals are con-
sumed. Any householder can try this expert
ment, and reduce his coal bill, say thirty per
cent, at the cost of shilling
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18
Spectacle Department.

In this department will he found full supply of Laza-
Morris Perfected Spectacles in Gold Silver and
Steel Frames. These Specaces acknowledged by all
who have used them to be unsurpassed for cleaess and
to the eye. We have sold great numbers of them
and the demand increases.
We have also j. Moses patent ElecroGalvanc Specta-
eles-spmething new-desgDed to relieve pains in the
head and prevent congestion.
Also, Schaufhausens celebrated German Spectacles-
good and low-priced.
Eye Glasses of various styles.
We have by far the largest stock in Hunerdon county
and We can hardly fail to suit you
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18

Thoreau's "Cape Cod +" speaks of curious
custom on that coast. The records of one of
its towns, Eastman, show this ordinance
In 1862, the town agreed that part of every
whale cast on shore be appropriated to the
support of the ministry TO which Thoreau,
with his quaint humor, adds: "No doubt
there seemed to be some, propriety in thus
leaving the support of ministers to Providence
whose servants they are, and who alone rules
the storms. The ministers must have sat
upon the cliffs in every storm, and watched
the shore with anxiety And, for my part, if
were minister, | would rather trust to the
bowels of the pillows on Cape Cod to cast up
whale for me, than to the generosity of many
a country parish that | know. You cannot
say of country minister's salary, commonly
that it is very like whale"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18

The blossom cannot tell what becomes
of its odor, and no man can tell what becomes
of his influence and example, that roll away
from him, and go beyond his ken on their
perilous mission.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18

A proposition has been introduced in the
Pennsylvania Constitutional Convention to
compel attendance at public schools. The
tendency of the age is toward compulsory edu-
cation, and that policy will doubtless prevail
eventually in all the States.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18

The Christian linton says: Mr.. Greeley
thought that to be born with burden Of lazy
shiftlessness or of mean cunning, was al
most the heaviest curse of heaven, and that
those who came into life better equipped
through no desert Of their own owed these
incurables something in the way of help
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18

In parts of Iowa where timber is scarce
the rank river bottom grass is used for fuel.
1t is twisted when dry, into ropes, and, thus
prepared, is said to give out an intense heat,
and to have lasting qualities.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18

One hundred. and ten years ago there was
not single white man in Kentucky, Ohio,
Indiana, or Illinois. Them what is the most
fourishing part of America, was as little
known as the countries around the mysterious
mountains of the moon.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18

Misfortunes are, in morals, what bit
tiers are in medicine each is at first disagree
able; but as the bitters act as correctants of
the stomach, so adversely chastens and ameli-
CRATES the disposition.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18
We are, very respectfully,
G. M. TREMAINE & BRO.
watch and Jewelry Department

sell the best American and Foreign Watches in Gold
and Silver cases. prices much lower than usually
asked for them in other establishments Also CLOCKS
of all styles
splendid stock of all the newest patterns of Jewely
hand. We warrant goods to be represented
money refunded.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18
Repairing Department.

Fine Watch and Jewelry Repairing specially Par
ticular attention gwen to the difficult work sucf
replacing broken or lost parts Of Watches making then
erng soft solder used where il is possible use hard
solder 4Hiobs done By myself send none 10 e city Al
a workman challenge competition. Every job war
ranted to give entire satisfaction, charge.
The public invited TO call and examine my stock
z,rfcps
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18
Miscellaneous.

In addition to the articles named above, keep
fiety fancy articles and knickknacks unnecessary
mention, which may be seen in my showcases.
Engraving done on Sverware, Rings, &c.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18
silver Ware Department.

We keep in stock and furnish order, at the lowest
city rates. solid and plated Silver Ware of all kinds
Pitchers, Plates Cups, Cake Baskets, Butter Dishes,
Bowls, Napkin Rings, Knives, Forks, &c, &c.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18

The remnant of the Seminole tribe in Florida
is divided into three families of about twenty
persons EACH
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18

A lesson in geography: Kansas City is
in Missouri aad Arkansas City is in Kansas.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1872-12-18

Fernando Wood is said to be worth $780,
100000.