The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1872-03-16
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Young man don't ever marry young lady
with her back up Beware Of the "Grecian
bend" Ii she is forward enough to hint a
proposal, and Is bent on getting married,
tell her 70 hump herself. When you do
take wife, take her, as you do your whisky,
"straight."
81 think said q farmer IL should make a
good congressman, for use their language.
| received two bin the other cay with re-
quests for immediate payment; the one
ordered TO be laid on the table; the other to
be read that day SIX months"
''What is the matter with you, Uncle Toby I.
What makes YOU walk so lame ~ "Well, /
jined a temperance 5 ciety bout month ago,
and have drunk nothing but water since, and
l 'spect its got into my JOINTS and kinder
listed EN-,
/ caught her softly in my arms my gentle,
b,ue-eved Kate; she squaled, Let 90, you
cussed fooi, you hurt my vacclnate!"
What three great authors would person
name who witnessed the Chicago fire Dick
ems, Hewitt, Burns.
An absent,mndel resident Of Danbury,
Conn, shu. down window recently, and for
got to draw in his head. He was calling for
Helen Blazes when discovered.
The gentleman who burned sulphur in his
cellar as a dis ntectant has just had his pic
ture frames rcgi.ded. The funeral of his
wife's pet canaIIos was very touching.
Height Of cXtravaeance-ge getting yourself
run over by railroad car just after you have
bought your diary for 1872.
The trouble with the girls of the present
day IS that they run too much 70 extremes.
Their chignons are TOO big and their feet are
too small; they wear too much silk in their
trains and TOO little IN their corsages they
know too much at fifteen and too little at fifty.
The happy medium is one Of the "lost
arts
\ Danburv German is named Wachschelg-
hemshamel. How would you like to stand on
a back stoop with the thermometer II degrees
below zero, and call that chap in TO break
fast I
II is said that in London a child IS bern ev-
cry five minutes II must be little unpeas-
ant for the children to have the process re-
peatUd so often.
1t was not the fault OF the editor of Yer
mont paper that recent issue called Alexis
"the noble kuss;' he had written 1t "the no.
bic Russ and the fault was with the printer.
The Louisville, KY, police are armed with
cross-bows, and shoot arrows tipped with va
cine virus into refractory lioOsiers.
Squire Tallaferro, the distinguished states
man of Lyncl4+Erg, Va, has waived public
honors, and gone to work on the L,HchburG
& Louisville railroad at 81 per day.
MY SON said z fond papa who was look
ing over the lesson his boy mad recited that
day, how did YOU manage when your teacher
asked you 20 spell metempsy chosis r well
father" said the boy, Il just stood spell
bound
The "Plgrims Progress has been trans
lated into Chinese, and one OF the illustrations
represents Christian with pigtall.
In the northern part of AliddleseX county,
Mass, is a monument bearing the following
plain, blunt epitaph;
Here lies the bones of Ben Butterfield,
A lawyer rude and bold;
He by his trade subsisted.
Reader, think How many lies the rascal
mus: have told.
Two of Darwin's sons recently returned to
England from visit to Africa. 1t is SAID
that the monkeys recognized them at once
and asked kindly after their father.
A Missouri woman recently eloped, leaving
the following note to comfort her husband:
"Dear William-Good bye; don't mourn for
the children, because none OF them are yours"
"My SON." said good mother to her young
hopeful, Ibid you wish your teacher happy
New Year NO, ms'am," responded the boy.
swell, why not e. Because" said the youth,
''she isn't happy unless she's whipping some
of us boys, and was afraid if wished her
happiness, she'd 60 for me-