Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1872-10-23
Mark Twain on his Travels.

[ got into the cars and took a seat in
Misrepresentation to n females face
which was perfect insurance com
pany for her-it insured her against
ever getting married to anybody ex-
! cept a blind man. Her mouth look
/ ed like a crack in dried lemon, and
there was no more expression in her
! face than there is in a cup of cold
eustard. She appeared as though she
/ had been through the famine and got
about two thirds through another.
She was old enough to be the great
grandmother to Mary that had lit
| tie lamb. She was chewing prize
popcorn, and carried in her hand a
yellow rose while band-box and a
cotton umbrella nestled sweetly by
| her side. / couldn't guess whether
she was on mission of charity, or
going west to start a sawmill. was
full of curiosity to hear her speak
so said:
1.-The eIigeneies of the time requir'
great circumsPection i'll person who
is travelling"
SAID she; "What ?"
Saws 1, 1.-THE orb of day shines re-
splendent in the blue vault abOve.;;'
She hitehed around uneasy like,
then she raised her umbrella and
said, 81 don't want any of your sass
get out; and 1 got out Immediately.
Then took a seat alongside male
fellow, who looked like the ghost of
Hamlet heightened out. He was a
stately euss and was reading.
Said |, "NIister did you ever see
camel leopard ?n Isaid camel leopard
because il is a pious animal and new
er eats any grass without getting
down on his knees. He said he
hadn't seen a camel leopard. Then 1
said do you chew ?n
He said, mo sir.n
Then said 1, allow sweet is nature?"
|. He took this for a cOnundrum and
said he didn't know. Then he said
he.was deeply interested in the history
of great men. "Alas g' he eXelaim-
ed. tive are but few"
1 told him 1 knew one? 1.-THE man
who made my cooking stove was
a great man."
Then he said "Young man look at
these gray hairs.n
l told him l saw them, and when a
man got as old as he was he ought to
dive. Said I, "you needn't think
these hairs are any sign OF wisdom,
it's only sign that your system lacks
iron; and advise you to go home
and swallow crowbar."
He took this for irony ana what
little entente cOTdi0Le there was be-
tween us was spoiled. 1t turned out
that he was chaplain OF base eall
club.
When we got to Rochester I called
for bowl of bean soup. 1t ought to
be called lead soup / seId you
receipt for making it: Take a lot of
water, wash it well, and boil it until
it is brown on both sides; then very
carefully pour one bean into it and
let it simmer. When the bean begins
to get restless, sweeten it with salt,
then dut it into alright cans, hitch
each can to a brick, and chnck them
overheard and the soup is done"
The above receipt originated with
man in Iowa, who got up suppers on
odd occasions for Odd Fellows. de
has a receipt for oyster soup, leaving
out the salt. Il
Speaking of Iowa reminds me or
the way l got the money to pay for
nv ticket and pay for that fellows
supper. 1 bet a fellow a dollar that L
could tell him how much water
10 a quart went under the railroad
bridge over the Mississippi at Dubu-
que in a year. He bet, and ] said two
pints to quart. 1 won the bet, but
after all that supper was an awful
swindle. If the city didni { settle fas,,
ter than its coffee did, its old settlers
club would be failure and the city
too.
Dubuque is celebrated for its fine
turnouts on the streets while l was
there a wagon upset and spilled a lot
of women, 1 didn't see it'll looked |
the other way. No cards.