Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1872-02-03
Vhe Etiquette of Plumber.

The punchN0nSneSs OF the Old Boerccn
Court etiquette is illustrated BY an anccdote Of
Queen Maria Autuiuette. The lady in wait
ing was about to passa Ia rhemise to the
Queen once when she was at her toilette. when
she was obliged TO hand II TO lady Of honor
who hal Just come in, snd who had to take of
her gloves teiss shs could accept it ;
by that tine the Duchess Of Orleans
had co,re so, and the chemise had to
he handed 70 her, and she again had to pass it
over su the Ccmtese de Provence. who follow
ell Hse upon her footsteps. All this while
Che I,oor baked Queen was holding her hands
folded acro>s her b,,spm, trembling with cold,
and Disguised with etiquette
The testimony taken before the Senatorial
investigating Committee in reference to the
New York Cus,om-house frauds, reveals an
etiquette Of plumber fully rs acrimonious and
as embarrassing as the Bourbon etiquette Of
tie Count It appears that everybody is cog
infant Of the frauds aud outrases there PerPe-
tra,ej, but nobody could apply the remedy.
without offending somebody else, and so max
ing trouble. danger, OF less to himself. Grant
knew il. for Stewart told him all about it,
Boutwell, knew il, for he confessed bis kuowl-
edge, lis impotence, and bis despair TO Charl-
ton Lewis. Lindsay knew it, but confessed
that when a man was d" on the make" and
found a Combination, the right plan was not
to oppose, but to iin that combination. Grin
mel knew 10. aud was so FESTIVE because Of his
knowledge that he had to be removed Leet
knew IT, and left the army, d" the mess" aud
the society Of the White House to profit by bis
knowledge Murphy knew it, and was not
removed because bis conscience troubled him
about il. In short, it was a matter notorious,
and yet a nuisance impossible to be abated.-
As happened in the old nursery Jingle, every
thing was at a dead lock, the water wouldn't
quench the fire, the Gre wouldn't burn the
stick, the stick wouldn't beat the dog, tho dog
wouldn't bite the pig, the pig wouldn't get over
the stile, and there was no possible prospect
Of the unfortunate old woman getting to
market TO buy her bonny bush Of Jlackberries
Grant denied tlat it was his function to
work the reform Boutwell, admitted that be
had tried to remedy the evil, and arrest tie
corruption, and had failed Gginnell had pro-
tested against it, and had suffered decapiiatou
in consequence; and Murphy, seeking to stay
in, could point to Grinnel's example, and pc.
htely decline to play with edge tools. In the
meanwhile, nothing IS said in all this stirring
oftbe pool Of corruption about the rights oI
the pluudyred people. The pig. the dog, the
stick, the fire, the water, sQuabble over TIE
questions Of precedent duty, and all the while
conieutcdly leaye'the old woman to starve-
The noble ladies and DANES of honor, demand
ing their prerogative Of handling the queen
cbemise, are careless if The queen freeze Il
death in the meantime. Why don't the queen
shit Tor herseli--why don't the old woman
take the pig by the car-why 10 not the plum
dared and outraged people cat the Fictitious
Gordian knot Of official iucapacity, aud reform
their customs matters for themselves? II
thievery and etiquette Of office are inseparable
let Us at least make it Individually understood
that We are going 10 have done with thievcry
and, If Chang. the rogue. cannot be hung with
out hanging Eng, the incapable, then let both
the twins swing fOrit The people are re-
solved 70 have official reform, aud to protect
themselves against rosuery in high places
self-preservation demands this, aud no man, OF
men, or combination Of men can prevent this
. If Rings oppose, they will assuredly be broken
/ if men in high place forbid, they will uuques-
tionably be dragged down Washington Pa
biot