Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-06-28
HuInOr.
HumOr.
Twisted hemp cures felons.
A new pair of kids-Twins.

twisted hemp cures felonS.
A new pair of kids-Twins.
Going on circuit-Taking turn on the
treadmill.
wA~t evup mvuia oannibals prefer? The
broth Of boy.
The land Of Cane-The place where SUI
gar comes from.
Wild oats are said to be the only crop
that grows by gas-light
Why is bad sinner like good cabbage?
Because he has hard heart
A Judge in Indiana is named ''Old Ne
cessity," because necessity knows no law.
What kind of sweetmeats were most
prevalent in Noah's ark? Preserved
pairs.
Train up child in the way he should 60,
and when he gets old he will do as he
pleases.
"Wood is the thing, after all" as tho
man with wooden leg said when the mad
dog bit it.
Some descendant of Solomon has wisely
remarked, that those who 60 to law for
damages are sure to get them.
One Of the Western railroads has female
locomotive engineer of the beautiful blonde
order. She makes the sparks fly.
Some one processes to have found race
of Indians who live without sleeping. They
ought to be educated for night editors
ODDLY Warden" neckties for gentlemen
have appeared Well, ODDLY Warden
around ones neck is not so bad after all. is
it?
Why is pretty, well-made fashionable
girl like thrifty housekeeper? Because
she has made great hustle about small
waist.
A Chicago woman has married man in
jail. She brags that she is ''the onl y girl
10 town who knows where her fellow stays
of nights"
A drunken man, sprawling Oh the ground
in Decatur the other night, anxiously want
ed to know if anybody else had been
struck by the earthquake.
The Indianapolis Journal says a bull dog
with sound teeth is the only thing that a
Mghtning rod pcddler will not tackle and try
to persuade into buying rod.
A gushing poet asks in the n, INV lin. line of a
recent effusion, "How many weary pilgrims
lie /" We give it up, but experience has
taught US there are good many.
A case is recently said to have occurred
mp town beyond the skill of ordinary oculists.
1t is that Of young lady who, instead of
pupil has college student in her eye.
We sec patent "sparker" noticed A
man who can't do his own sparkling without
the help of machinery ought to be gobbled
up by widow with nine small children.
A western preacher, just returned from
begging expedition to the east, thinks that
while martyrs will have the highest places
in heaven, next to them will come the beg
CARS.
A gentleman of Springfield inquired of
another whether a certain doctor had any
practice. ooh, yes" was the reply, II
assisted in laying out one of his patients the
other day
A man who pretended to have seen ghost
was asked what the ghost said to him. ''How
could I understand replied the narrator,
what be said I am not skilled in any of
the dead languages
ia pig will eat out of any trough" said
Deacon Jessup to his son Tom, who had
just come home from whaling voyage. II
would like to see him eat out of the trough
of the sea-" said Tom.
A country girl, coming from a morning
walk, was told she looked as fresh as dali
sy kissed by the dew; to which she inno-
Gently replied, "You've got my name right
Daisy, but his name isn't dew"
Walter, fve-year old, was surprised at
breakfast by the presence of diminutive
egg, served for his special qualification. He
thus accounted for the eggs smallness 8
Mamma, I think the chicken was learning
to lay"
An aged colored man made application
for food at Washington, claiming it as a
constitutional privilege. 'Why," said he,
i understan' dars provision in de Consti-
tootion for de colored folks, and haven't
had de fust crumb.
A lady teacher inquired of the members
Of the class ofjuveniles if any Of them could
name the four seasons. Instantly the club
by hand Of fve-year old was raised, and
promptly came the answer, "Pepper, salt,
vinegar and mustard"
A party in Pontiac, Michigan, out row.
ing on Sunday, was too heavy for the boat,
and one Of the number was drowned A
local paper thereupon remarks: "Remem-
Der the Sabbath day and keep it holy, and
don't overload your boats
A colored mail-carrier in Virginia was re.
Gently well shaken by man for kicking his
dog. Look here, massa,' said he, you'd
better be keerful how you shake dis chile
COS when you shakes me you shakes de
whole of de United States; i carries de
mails"
An Assistant United States Marshal in
Louisville, in taking the census, asked
.olored woman what personal property she
possessed, to which she replied. "Nothin,
but desc tree chilen, yere, an dey ain t
wuth much since the Emancipation procler-
snation p
In recent debate member Of the Cali.
iurnia Legislature said "The honorable
gentleman from Calaveras county is un-
ioubtedly person of great abilities-a nat
aral born genius-but there is one thing he
can't do, and that is to bite the bottom out
of frying pan without shutting his nose.