The avant courier. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1871-1872, 1872-06-20
A NlEvADA FUNERAL.
BYiMARK TWAIN.

shaW when he died. He was a represents
a. c.'lzen. Hs had 'skilled his man,,-,iotE
ms own quarrel. it is true. but IN the tlef.
= 7 stranger besst BY numbers. lie 4
Aepl slmpfnons saloon. He had been
proprietor ct dashing helpmeet whom l1s,,
co1isi have discarded without the formal
Y dlvsrce. He had held high position
rs nfe department, and been very W.
5"ick ~ politics. When he died there wa,
great lanlentation throughout tile town +
society. - '''1Aa
IN ne inquest it was shown that Bn,
fansliaw, IN the tdelirium of wasting ]
pnofd lever, had taken arsenic, alaa4 i;,...,,
theougll the body ,cut his throat. ard.;umn,
out u four-story window, and broken Il
neck and afterdue deliberation the Jury. %
and fearful, but with intelligence unblinde
Dy Hs sorrow, brought in verdict OF deaf
.Dy che visitation Of God" what could ii
world DO without juries?
Prodigions preparations were made for II,
funeral. All the vehicles in town wer
pred, and all the saloons were put In monr
hlnR; al the municipal and fire compani
nags We're at halfmast, and all the firemell
ordered to muster in uniform, and bring th,
4 machines duly dTaped iIlblack.
Regretful resolutions were passed and yari
GUS committees were appointed; comn,itte.
81 one was appointed to call on ministers
Tagile, gentle, spiritual new fledgling from
i an Eastern theological seminary, and as ye,
unacquainted with the ways OF the mines.
The committeeman, stscottyn Riggs, made
his visit . s.
Being admitted to his presence. he sat
down before the clergyman, placed his fire.
hat on an unfinished manuscript sermon mn
der the minister's nose. took from it a red
| silk handkerchief, wiped his brow AMI heayed
sigh OF dismal impressiYeness explanatory
OF his business. lie choked and even shed
tears, but with an effort he mastered his
voice, and said, in lugubrious tones:
Are you the. duck that runs the gospel
mill next doors'' ii
"Am the-pardon me, I believe do not
understand?''
With another sigh and half sob, Scotty
reioined: a f'ss.
Why, you see, We are in a bit of trouble.
and nd the boys thought may be you'd give US
lift, if we'd tackle you-tilat is, il l,ye the
rights OF t, and you're the head clerk Of the
doxology works next door.''
I aln Che shepherd iii charge Of the flock
whose toid il next door"
.sThe which ~
'sfle spiritual adviser OF the little COMPANY
Of believers whose. sanctuary adjoins these /
premises
Scotty scratched his head, reflected a mo-
ment and then said:
YOU rather hold over me, p.rd. + rec
kon can't call that hand. Ante and pass
HE buck 1.{sss fk ,tA -i3
How! beg pardon. What did I under.
tand yon to say ?" n
Well, you've got rather the bulge on me.
Dr. maybe we've both got the bulge some~
oW.' You don't smoke ME, and [ don't
;noke you. You see, one of tha boys has
assed IN his checks, and we wa t to give
i'm good send-oir, and 90 the thing I'm OH
ow is to rout out somebody to jerk out q
tile ciiin-mlsic. for us and waltz him g
rough handsome" e III
my friend. seem to grow more and +
ore bsWildared. Your observation. are 4
holly incomprehellsibie to ME. Cannot q
,u simplify them somewayt At first T q
ought understood you, but now I gropc. n
ould y not expedite matters if you restrict q
yUlrself to categorical statements OF fact re
lincumbe-ed with obstructIng aceuimula- NJ
ms OF metaphor and allegory p OF
Another pause, and more reflection Then ps
0tty said !: s be
I'll have to pass. fudge" Oh
.How?'' @Rs fsSessA w
!. . fou've raised me out, partl.'' ~
4 still fail 70 catcn your meaning e g
why, that last lead OF yourr is TOO many q
lne-that's the idea, can neither truinp q
/ follow suit ~ asssas 3ftfssssssssi st'
The clergyman sunk back in his chair per- " "
xed. Scotty leaned his head on his hant. tlo lo
likewise gave himself up to refi.ction. sl1 9;
'sently his face came up, sorrowftil, but ou .l1
fident. 7a Y -S9 sli#51'3 ply
I've got it now, So as you can savvy. ma y
at we want is gospel sharp. See p las
A what?" stfi'f mo no
Gospel sharp, parson.'' ses
on! why did you not say So beforee I'm ple e
"a narson.' a can
Now vn,, tan Va, IL. -, h,;ua - er {
ollie it like man. Put it there r, and r
'nding hrawny paw, which closed over -.
minister's hand. he gave ita hearty shake 'e'l
cative Of fraternal sympathy and fervent ].
s..
48 { s4as I Inc,
Now we're all right. pard Lets start uoe
4, Don't youmind me snuf1inR little, ),
y We are In a power Of trouble. You see g.
Of che boys has gone up the fume.'' so-s
lone where p'
Jp the fume-throwed up the sponge pe.s =
know. ''# a
brown up the sponge ~ YEA
the bucaet." s'hs
Ah--has departed 70 that mysterious Mo'
II, All -. H9.. MI - he Il
atur, . Wal, 4 -.,ro,,,,~4 4. mr.. -, the I
lead ~ ota.al
g .,.,.-s..na..s nigh
I, s. :, ,..lS a, r4.A....,4 don
I ~ .,at,in ,s,gla,, srs;,. ~. for =
i.s1 gent
.as,,s VIE 10. 8. 49,, feeliI
Ig7sTs - >'~',>- think
In ,,x.,,... ~ ~. q, u and