American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1872-06-08
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
DEAD LoCKs-False curls.

Connected WITH THE RING-The bell
handle.
THE Constructive MooD-Thoughts of
matrimony.
THE SpENDTHRIFT's PRAYER" Leave
me a-loan, will you
WHAT is taken from you before you get
it? Your photograph
Music is the food of love-beef and
mutton that of matrimony.
WITH what musical instrument would
you catch a fish Cast-a-net.
In New Hampshire they call elope-
ments suicide. He sued and she sighed.
THE New York Mercantile Library
has 1877 900 volumes and 10000 members.
THERE are only eighteen left of the old
soldiers who fought under the first Ma
poleon.
A DUNE MAN recently went to law
with a deaf man. The latter, of course,
was the defendant.
WHERE is money first mentioned in
the Bbles When the dove brought the
green back to Noah.
IT will require ten tons of white lead
to paint the outside of Gilmore's Coliseum
in Boston.
JONES says he always gives Mrs. Jones
her way, because it's the only thing he
has to give her.
A MINISTER at an eating-house gave the
order, "Roast beef, well done, thou good
and faithful servant"
WHY is Salt Lake City like an orphan
asylum? Because there are SO many
Young children there.
THREE HUNDRED bales of pressed moss
were shipped north from Jacksonville,
Fla, by one firm, recently.
THE old Metairie race-coursc at New
Orleans is to be converted into ce-metai-
RE for the corses of the human race.
Who was the straightest man mention
ed in the Bible JOseph-because Pha-
raoh made ruler of him.
IF there is really delightfully."- refresh
ing sight on this earth, it is a newly mar
ried man sliding toward home with his
first washboard.
SINCE ladies have taken to wearing
newspapers for bustles, publishers COM
plain that their fair subscribers are more
in ''arrears" than ever.
THE Mariposa man who lost his ear in
a fight, and afterward had it replaced
wrong end up, is obliged to stand on his
head to hear straight.
Four THOUSAND DOLLARS conscience
money was received by the United States
Treasurer, recently, from a naturalized
citizen who has gone back to Europe to
reside.
THE pun fiend is again on the war-path
Here is his latest effort: ''Why is an egg
produced this month like native of Ma
lacca? Because it's May-lay."
A SERVANT at party, to whom his
master was calling impatiently to fetch
this, fetch that, answered: "SIr, every
thing We have in the warruld is on the
table"
81 don't mean to reflect on you," said
a coarse, would-be wit to a man whom he
had insulted mo" was the reply,
you're not polished enough to reflect
upon anybody"
A PITTSBURGH man petitions for di-
vorce on the ground that for several
years his wife has thrown butcher-knives
at him, spit in his face, struck him, and
locked him out.
81 DON'T care much about the bugs"
said Warmley, to the head of a genteel
boarding house, "but the fact is, madam,
haven't the blood to spare; you see that
yourself"
States is John Soldering, of Lynnville,
Lehigh County. Pa, who has held his
Office continuously since February 2, 1920
-ffty-two years and a quarter.
A LITTLE BOY in Danbury asked a lady
friend of he bther's who made her
teeth: she replied "God" "Well," re-
marked the young hopeful, ''Dr. Mercer
made mothers, and they beat yours by a
darned sight"
| WHEN Bryant, the poet, was in Mexico
recently, he met an American lady, and
after the introduction she said to a friend
Everybody in New York knows Mr..
Bryant. and they all go to hear his min
strels sing"
A PARTY in Pontiac, Mich, out rowing
on recent Sunday, was too heavy for
the boat, and one of the number was
drowned A local paper thereupon re-
marks: Remember the Sabbath day and
keep it holy, and don't overload your
boats"
THERE is an old lady in Jersey City
whose son is lamplighter, and as he is
| sick just now, she shoulders the ladder
and makes the rounds herself as promptly
as he could do it.
A MINISTER asked little boy who had
been converted, docs not the devil tell
you that you are not a Christian?" eyes
sometimes" 'Well, what do you say to
him." 81 tell him." replied the boy,
"that whether am or not, it's none OF
his business"
| "A CALIFORNIA paper reports that hotel
chamber maid laid aside her broom few
days ago, and on calling for a settlement,
told her employer she had been dabbling
| in stocks for year or more, and had
something more than $500, 900 as the re-
suit.
APRIsONER arraigned before Recorder
in New Orleans was told: 81 really don't
know whether had better fine you one
or ten dollars; what's your idea about it ~
Prisoner.-''Your Honor, all 1 have to
plead is that you will not set down augh,
in malice"
A NEW YORK paper says: "Three hun,
dred and fifty murders last year, and but
one man suffering the extreme penalty of
the law. He, poor Jack Reynolds, half
| witted, without money or friends, was
hung as an awful example,"
AMONG the births recorded in New
York paper we find the following
''RAFTER-In this city, April 26, a daugh
ter to Count Thomas Rafter, the eminent
tonsorial artist (price fifteen cents, in
Guiding Rafter's hair tonic) of Leggett's
Hotel"
A FEW days ago the South Carolina In
sane Asylum, at Columbia, in which there
were 295 patients at the date of the last
report, was absolutely without provisions
and the Superintendent was indebted tC
the charity of a private citizen Tor the
means of feeding the afflicted creatures
under his charge.
A YOUNG man who had come into pos
session of large fortune by the death OF
his brother, was asked how he was getting
along. "Oh," said he, 81 am having a
dreadful time. What with getting out
letters Of administration and attending a
probate court and settling claims, ] some