Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1872-08-28
Paragraphs.

now said to be, positive, tail compar-
ative, tailor; suporlativc, tailless!
A countryman saw skeleton of u
donkey in local museum. chow
odd we look without flesh !" he said.
A vinegar hearted old bachelor says
ho always looks under the head Of
marriages" for the news of the weak.
A young lady at Long Branch re.
ceives q new dress daily from New
York, and yet does not half cover her.
self when in full dress.
Mrs Shoddy puckered up her mouth
genteelly and told n gentleman friend
that one of her lovely daughters was
a "bluenet" and the other "bronze."
There are one thousand young Ia.
dies in Nantucket and only one hun.
dred young mon. Which are most to
be pitied?
When man comes to an end by
jumping out of third story window
he may be said to have jumped to a
conclusion in the most unreasoning
manner.
A bride of fourteen is on exhibition
at Niagara this season. She looks
younger, and child-like wipes her eyes
with her apron when she cries. She
had her first row with her husband
last Wednesday-called him q nasty
man, and said she wanted to see her
mama.
The intense cold of last winter prov.
ed so destructive TO the high-bush
blackberry that it is said there will
not be half crop of that lucious fruit.
In many localities the bushes were al.
most entirely destroyed.
To fatter people adroitly ono must
know three things: What they really
are, what they think they are, and
what they want other people to think
they are.
A boy eight years old, in one of our
public schools, having been told that
reptile, dis an animal that creeps,"
on being asked to name one, on exam
ination day, promptly and triumph
antly replied, "a baby"
The adage "Where there's a will
there's q way" is illustrated in a
Western town where the swains are
SO retiring that the young women can
only get them (the swains) to squeeze
them (the young women) by persuad.
ing the former to mako bets on their
weight and ascertain the same by
hefting them.
A lady correspondent of the Wash.
ipgton Capital says that Boston lady
who recently got herself up most gor.
geously for a dinner at one of the
great watering.place hotels, had the
misfortune to sneeze Just as she sat
down, when suddenly the half of the
waist of her dress ripped out, and
somebody had TO put shawl around
her.
No married man in Illinois can get
his "tod" without the following "per-
nit" from bis wife "Permission is
hereby granted by me, the lawful wife
of -, and l declare and witness by
my own signature, that my husband
has the perfect right and liberty to
drink, and as often as he chooses to
drink, and what he chooses TO drink,
and / hereby reinquish all the claims
arising tberefrom."
Angel iturbide, a son OF the ex. En-.
peror Of Mexico, died in Mexico City
the same day on which President
Juarez expired. A curious conci-
dence, betokening perhaps the ccssa-
tion of the EXTREMIST systems of gov
ernment in tho neighboring country,
and the near advent Of an era of liberal,
intelligent and persistent self.rule for
the Mexican people.
The grand mother OF a little girl
tried TO break her Of the habit of say.
ing people lied, and instructed her 10
say that they werc mistaken. A few
days after, her grandma, TO amuse her,
told her bear story, which was hard
TO believe.
After she had finished, tho little
grand child looked up in her face and
exclaimed: "Grandma, that's the big
gest mistaken ever heard"
Horace Greeley has said many good
and true things in his lifetime, but
nothing better than this.
"Ineredble as II might seem, the
fact is but too apparent that there arc
men who aspire 10 be called states
men, whose love of country and rc.
gard for justice and truth are subor-
dinatc to their desire for political
promotion and tho 'loaves and fishes
of Office, and who do not scruplo to
put in jeopardy the peace of the world,
if they thereby promote their selfish
and personal ends"
A lady in Dayton, Ohio, felt
rattlesnake bite her last week. and, to
save her life, drank quart of raw
whiskey. After she became sober,
she found that broken steel in her
hoop skir: had scratched her ankle,
and she had her drunk for nothing.
"Unless you give me aid" said q
beggar TO benevolent lady, "I am
afraid shall have to resort to some
thing which should greatly dislike
to do" The lady handed him a dol
lar. and compassionately asked, "what
is it, poor man, that have saved you
from 7" "Work," was the mournful
answer.