Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1872-12-26
A CHRISTMAS NIGHTS ADVENTURE,
By EDMUND II. YATES.


The adventure which am about
to relate is the only one that I really
ever had. Some people are perpet-
ually having adventures; they never
go anywhere or do anything, without
being placed IN most peculiar posi-
tions by wonderful combinations of
circumstances. My friend Vavasour
Pelham rejoices principally in ANA.
tory adventures, and his experiences
are full of raven tresses, flashing eyes,
exchange of love tokens, dark nights,
stolen meetings, with concluding hints
of sharp poniards and ya>,ning sacks |;
whereas little Griggs never returns to
the Draft aud Docket Office after his
months ramble on the Continent
without having been crushed by ava.
lanches in Switzerland, seized and car
ried away to the emountains by brigands
in Italy, and, in the back slums OF
Paris, put into wonderful beds which
sink through the floor and deposit him
in some blood. stained cellar; whence
he is only rescued by his own personal
valor and acquaintance with the noble
art Of self-defence. But to me these
things have never happened; have
never seen an avalanche except from
q safe distance, never met q brigand
except upon the stage, and never found
anything in the beds of Paris worse
than-you know what!-and yet have
had one adventure in my life, and this
is how it occurred:
A few years since (no matter how
many; suffice it to say that at the time
was unacquainted with rates and
taxes and the price of babies shoes y,
finding that, owing to there having
been a death in the family where 1
usually dined on Christmas-day, our
annual gathering would not take place,
and being rather used up and over.
fatigued, determined to take q holi-
day and spend the Christmas out of
town. The resolution once made, the
difficulty was to decide upon destina.
tion, and with a blank face I looked
through the list of invitations I had
received. First and foremost I found
the noble name of Dunsinane-his
Grace the Duke of Dunsinane, who is
now keeping open house at his magni-
ficent castle, ''The Haggis," Renffew.
shire. 1 was acquainted with his
Grace's younger brother. the Hon.
Malcolm Macbeth, and was sure Of q
polite reception. Should I go down to
these noble people2 Should I put up
with a bachelors bed room ON the
fourth story of the castle9-a bed room
bell-less and uncomfortable, into which
the wind whistles and the Scotch mist
penetrates in which I should have to
climb on to the bed when there was
occasion to open the door. and where
the domestic rat would hold his nightly
revels2 Should I consort with the
company there assembled, making up
my mind to bear old General Blan9uos
blunt vulgarity and Young Captain
Fleance's lisping impertinence9 Gould
I endure Sir Hercules McNab's ancestry
and Lady Cawdor's rheumatism
Should l, surrounded by all the Dun
shame males and followed by all their
eillies, stamp and struggle over barren
moors or should I, extended on my
stomach, in the words of the lyric poet,
"follow the stag from his slippery
crag, and chase the bounding roe, ho,
no, no, ho"? Finally, while the noble
company was fuddling itself over clare,
and toddy after it's hard days sport
should 1 make mirth for it9-should
be funny, sharp, smart, witty, in my
usual agreeable manner7 N. B. Thif
being expected of me, as payment TO,
my board and lodging, being regard
ed by all present as rather superior
Jack pudding. No! that last thought
decided me: to the Hsggis I would mo-
go!
Where, then2 Should I spend m,
Christmas with Diball-Tom Diball, o
the Stock Exchange, who married my
cousin Barbara2 Tom is a good fe1
low, with nice house in Hertford
shire, good horses, pleasant ground'
and excellent wine. There is the bed
} room, first-rate there could do as
chose-eat, drink, smoke and read
No not read there's the rub. There'
was not book in Toms house excep
"McCulloch's Commercial Dictionary
and list of Lord Brushton's fox
hounds. I spent two wet days ther,
once, and was driven nearly mad. Be
sides, Toms sconversation, though pleas
ant at first, bores after ten minutes
I do not deny that the ages and price
. of mans stud are interesting subject
, to him, though perhaps they posses
not such attraction to the world a
, large; aud although the rates of con
soils and shares deservedly occupy
large share of public attention, yet
when you happen to possess neithe
one nor the other, you don't much car
; what they are "done at." Tom
! friends are all alike, and no one dine
, there but the curate of the parish, al
unwholesome young man, who wears
wonderful waistcoat and no shirt-col
lar, who believes in auricular comics
l sion, and who sometimes looks at Bar
bara in such a manner that if I wer'
, Tom I should forget my respect for tn
! cloth and commit on assault upon tn
| clerical person. Worse than Ill, Ton
. has innoculntcd I}uvln,ra with his cit,
t noti"ns; and she h"rcs me will. sncl
I Stock Exchange Jokes, Mark Lane D