Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1872-05-23
A MUSCULAR MYPOCHONDRIAC.

| cuIates, 0uO IN lacC, Oil persons addict
ed to the abuse of metaphorical Ian
guage, are . little hard Oh feminin,
beauty. They can never touch on th.
vanity, brevity and superficiality o.
things IN general, without pointing
their dull platitudes by the most un:
fair illusions and comparisons to the
fair sex. No doubt the perfect bloom
of "all these endearing young oharms'
is soon impaired, but beauty is not the
only thing which eliminates to decline.
Other charms than those of beauty
have scarcely less ephemeral dura.
tion. The charms Of muscle, for in.
stance, the glory Of the calf.
"Thet play Of lungs inspiring, and again
Rceptring freely tho fresh air, that makes
Swift pace or steep ascent no toil."-
all these are things which endure in
their glory and perfection but for a
season. base, seaside season. Why,
then, can we not have little variety in
our teachers parallels! Why not leave
the epidermis of the fair and have an
occasional tilt at the muscle of the
strong2 Granted that our dear enslav.
ers may be none the worse for an oc.
casional reminder that their empire is
hmlted-in time for it is feeting; and
in space, for it is but skin deep. But,
0 Hercules! do not our "barbarized
athletes" need word in season. too?
Possibly the ball room belle set too
high q value on her charms, and is too
deeply cast down by their decline but
not her emotions, when she feels that
she is a budding wall-Aower," not the
depression of tho gentleman in Words
worth, "who daily travels further from
the east" not the forlorn misery
OF the love-sick Guppy can ap-
proach the pathetic desola-
tion of the athlete, who feels that he is
increasing in tho sUrong place. To feel
that the days are at hand in which he
shall no more emulate the baboOn on
the trapeze, or the flea on the vaulting-
bar; that he must soon abjure the rect
angular delights of standing at ninety
degrees to chair that he can no more
hang on bar by his toes or the back
of his neck that. in short, he must
soon abandon the high pedestal. from
which he has hitherto condemned his
less fortunate because flabbier fellow
creatures, is to feel reduced to the level
Of retired puglist, whose example he
may almost as we'll foil ~, and open a
public house. Henceforth nothing can
effectually assuage the melancholy of
the ex-gladiator, but such transient
CLEANS of sunshir as gild his bliehted
life when he is Judge or starter at some
athletic meeting but even then he
feels that he is only sort of male chan.
er0n, ard the reflection is full of bitter
ness.
1 do not thus borrow the language of
the preacher because have felt in nv
own case how bitter it is to retire into
private life. Personlly I nm not muscu-
lar, nor ever was. have always been
able to pass fifty-six pound weight
without the slightest desire to push it
up from the shoulder; I have lalways
been perfectly continent in the matter
of dumb.bell and Indian clubs. To
scull from the barges to Sanford, with
an occasional fantasia in q scratch four,
was the extent of my powers and the
summit of my ambition. was rather
thinking of-or at-my old college
chum, Joe Rullock, with whom I was
spending few days a short time since.
In our old Oxford days, Joe was to me
q sort of self:appointed committee or
keeper, considering it his mission to
interpose his brawny person between
me and all sorts of imaginary dangers;
and SO, in course of time I came to
play academic Phil. Squod to his Capt.
George; fused to steer him to Iffley,
to measure his throws with. the
hammer, or take his times when
he ran at the Marston
ground. In short, he loved me because
he looked on me as so helpless and
1 am not really feebler
than DR.. Beddo's average man-and I
loved him that he did pity me. did,
indeed, sometimes endeavor to protest
against this mild and benevolent des-
potism. but he always waived me off
with, "Pooh my dear fellow, leave it
to me; you know you are not strong"
What made my tame acquiescence in
this bondage the more ridiculous was,
that I was Joe's senior in years and
standing. It was. therefore, but nat
ural that, when put on my gown, I
should leave my protector behind me.
But this natural course of events
troubled him greatly, and caused him
as deep pang as a hen who rears q
duck feels when her loretcge takes to
the water. But went my way, and
left Joe in hallow of cricket, and long
throws, and tremendous puts, life OF
incredible hardship on raw meat, but
perfectly recompensed by his inches
around the chest, and his generally
lumpy and tuberous condition, and the
unanimous concentrations of the
sporting press.
Ten years elapsed between the pro.
logue and the next net. / had been
serving my country in India, and Joe
had retired to his comfortable patri.
mony, where he settled down into a
model squire. From time to time re.
ports reached me, through BelEs Life,
OF his prowess in cricket, and occasion.
ally he favored me with a letter. But.
after while, without any diminution
OF kindly feeling our correspondence
fell through, and the notices of m,
friend in tho oracle became rarer mn;
! purer. At the end of ten years, I cam.
home Oh leave of absence for twelve
months, and ] lost no time in getting t,
Ashiins, where Joe gave me the warm
est OF welcomes. He had developct
int" a. magnificent specimen of an An
glo Saxon, deep in the chest, broad i,
the shoulders, grimly set on long mas
s'vc thighs, with full yellow beart
Tipping over his honest, serious, face