Connecticut western news., 1872-01-19
Special Notices, 50 per cent. in advance of tho
Facts and FancieS.

Facts and Fancies. Clergymen, like brakemen, do good deal of coupling.
 Honor your business or your business will not honor you.
 Chicago is said at present to be a para disc for sign painters.
 Consider Glass;" is the name of a Boston painter and glazier.
 Why is Irritation like plate powder Because 1t brightens up spoons.
 You can't get blood from a stone, but you cd's get money from brick.
 A disgusted Ohioan, wishing to commit suicide in novel manner, applied for admission to small-p hospital.
 Some young men are little partial to blue-eyed maidens, others like dark eyed lasses, but the moneyed girls have the most admirers.
 An Indiana woman, on the death of her husband, telegraphed distant friend, Dear Joseph is dead. Loss fully cover ed by insurance"
 An old lady who took her first ride in the cars, remarked when the train run off the track, ''You fetch up rather sud den, don't ye ?"
 "Mr. Brown, owe you grudge re- member that p "I shall not be fright ened, then for never knew you to pay anything that you owed"
 How many of our lady readers ever dreamed that we send to Great Britain, annually, fifteen million dollars in gold for the single article of spool cotton.
 Four thousand persons bought slices from the mammoth cheese recently sold in Fanueil Hall, Boston. The aggre- gate of the sales amounted to $631. 40.
 A Sac County, Iowa, horse tried to scratch his nose with his hind foot, the other day, caught his hoof in the hal ter, gave jerk, and broke his own neck.
 A shawl manufacturer in PhiladelpI> has spun a thread twenty seven miles long from one pound of American wool. It is one of the greatest yarns on record. A celebrated writer says that if one could read 1t, every human being carries his life in his face, and is good looking or the reverse, as that life has been good or evil.
 "Your dress," said husband to his fashionable wife, twill never please the men," "I don't dress to please men," was the reply, "but to worry other we- men,"
 The latest London announcement is Q nose machine, by which the most homely noses are pressed into the most fashion able shape according to the taste of the owner.
 The only way to keep all your friends and make no enemies is to speak we'll of people when names are mentioned to you, but never to speak of any one to the third party.
 In apprehension of the smallpox, a western papers says: ''Viccinate Polite ness never hurts anybody, Smallpox will not attack you if you allow vaccin- atlon to take your arm"
 The Commission of Internal Revenue has decided it to be it his duty to collect the tax on dividends from earnings dur ing the last five months of 1871, and has given orders accordingly. A Pittsfeld woman makes o regular assessment of $25 upon each of tLe G- quor dealers in that town who sell the ardent to her husband, and they "come down rather than stand Q prosecution.
 An Irishman tried for marrying six wives, on being asked how he could be so hardened william as to delude so many, replied with great nonchalence, "Why, plaz your worship, was trying to get good one."
 The Courier Journal, of Louisville, does this Cincinnati has an appara- tus for consuming her own smoke. If she would now take another stride and consume her own whisky, we might point to her with pride"
 In Siberia, during the winter, milk is bought and sold in frozen state, and can be long carried in simple bag. When required for use the requisite quantity is chopped off with hatchet or sheath-knife, and thawed as needed.
 A Winnebago county, Wis woman who has paid taxes on her house for many years, and who has been female suffrage advocate during all that time, now declares that she will stand it no will vote or burn her house. , A lawyer prosecuting thief recently on circuit, remarked severly at him that Opportunity makes the thief" "Not al- ways, sir, replied the innocent. CT found a big chain cable on the pavement once, and didn't touch it and there was nobody about, neither"
 The printer-the master of all trades, he beats the farmer with his Hoe, the with his rules, the mason in setting up columns; he surpasses the law yer and doctor in attending cases, and beats the parson in the management of the devil.
 A Cleveland husband said to his wife, ' Wouldn't you like to go down and 'hake hands with Duke Alexis" ."Duke Fiddlesticks p she replied with con- emptuous curl of the lip "No, of 'ourse, no What do you suppose care bout him ? He isn't any better than ny one else." She sat in contemplative Hence a minute or two, and then, look ng up, asked, with an innocent smile, Could if wanted to ?"
 Bur LITTLE LEFT. Morri- on, of the Tenth United States Cavalry,