The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1872-09-19
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Some people display a wonderful tact
for unsociability. 1t is not so much by
their silence, their modesty or their re-
serve, as by o peculiar disposition they
manifest--an indefinable atmosphere in
which they envelop themselves so as to
repel the advances and resist the invita-
tions of others. Indeed, those who say
little and listen much and well are al
ways popular in society. 1t was Miss
Edgeworth who, after talking with
charming and incessant volubility to o
deaf mute for an hour, remarked that
he was one of the most intelligent and
interesting persons she ever met. Often
times those who talk most have least
real sociability. Their gabble hides
their utter want of social feeling and
personal sympathy. Their prattle is
purely selfish, mechanical, and cold.
Volubility and vacancy seem to be nat
urally related to each other, and often
times the tongue is the substitute for
thought instead of its organ. Socia-
bility and loquacity may exist in the
same person; but generally the one
who talks the most thinks and feels the
least.
True, sociability is matter of senti-
ment, of mind, of character, rather than
of words. 1t comes from surplus of
sympathy, of kind feelings, of personal
regards, of contagious interest in things
and thoughts. 1t is the overflow of the
generous and kindly qualities of the
heart, those which knit us most closely
and tenderly to others, and the family
to which we belong. All real interest
in others, all quick and generous SYM
pathy, all desire to communicate with
others, and share in their experiences,
and participate in their life, enter as
constituents into q true sociabilitS. 1t
is the humanity in us in communica-
ton with the humanity without us
which makes the charm and sweetness
and value of social intercourse. The
hard and selfish nature is unsocial. The
proud, vain, self-seeking temper destroys
sociability. People who care only for
themselves may run against others ev-
cry moment, but their contact is as pure
ly mechanical as the attrition of logs in
a river, or pebbles on the beach. The
talk which comes from no kind impulse
and no kindling regard, but is manu-
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pected, is as destitute of social quality
as the bellows which make breeze
when pressed and the talk made to dis
play the speakers wit or cleverness or
learning is exhibition but not conversa-
ton.
A great deal of the calling and twit-
tering and my-dearing have no more
real connection with sociability than
the flowers and feathers On woman's
hat have with her head. They are pure
ly artificial, and tackled on by the milli-
ner. There is q vast deal of social mil
linery, however, which passes for Ma
lures handiworls and people are often
praised for their fine social qualities
merely because they are adopts in the
art of saying pretty nothings by the
hour, and exhibiting themselves in other
peoples drawing-rooms in an entertain
ing way. And, on the other hand, those
who are eminently social in nature and
spirit are often condemned as unsocia-
BILE because they say little, and do not
care to exhibit themselves and turn
their hearts inside out for other people
to admire. Perhaps they are deficient
in the graces of cultivated society; they
may not have the gift of rapid utter
ance or sparkling repartee; they may
find it hard to intrude their thoughts
and feelings upon others while more
variable natures make the air vocal with
their incessant buzz. But behind theil
reticence, and beneath the disguise O.
modest and unattractive ways, are al
the elements of the truest sociability
which it requires but the least penetra
ton to discover and the fit occasion tt
bring out.
Being sociable requires something
more than ceaseless chattering and CAD
ding about. 1t requires the culture ant
expression in all proper and helpful
ways of those thoughts and sentiment
which are unselfish, generous, sympa
thetic, and human. 1t means pervad
ing interest in others and the genera
good. 1t means pervading interest il
others and the general good. 1t mean
the lively commerce of mind with mind
and communication of heart with heart
by listening as well as by speaking, b.
large receptivity as well as generou
giving. And this sociability is jus
what is wanted to redeem our social in
tercourse and make our coming togethe
helpful, stimulative and ennobling.