Worcester daily spy. [volume] (Worcester [Mass.]) 1850-1888, 1872-12-16


BY MARK TWAIN.
Every Saturday for December Dist contains
the following from Tom Hoods annual:
The only merit claim for the following mar
raiTe is that it is a true story. 1t has a moral
at the eud OF 1t, but claim nothing on that, as
it is merely thrown in 10 curry favor with the
religious element
After had reported couple Of years on the
Virginia (Nevdda) Daily Enterprise, they pro-
moted me to De edt0r-ln-chlef-and lasted just
a week, by he watch. But l made an uncOm-
monty lively newspaper while | did last, and
when relrcd had duel on my hands, and
three borsewhippugS promised me. The latter
| made no attempt to collect; however, this his
tory concerns Ouy the lormcf 10 was the old
Flush times" of the silver excitement, when
the population was wonderfully wild ana
mixed; everybody went armed to the teeth, and
all sights and insults had 10 be atOned for with
the best article Of blood your system could fur
nsh.
In the course of my editing I made trouble
with Alr. Lord, editor oil the rival paper. He
lew up about some little tnhe or other that
said about him-l do not remember now what
il was. l suppose cdlled lin a thiel, or body
snatcher, or IN idiot, or something like that. |
was Obliged TO make the paper readable, and |
could not fail IN NV duty to a whole community
of subscribers merely TO save the exaggerated
senSitIveueSS Of an individual. Mr.. Lord was
offended, and replied vigorously in his paper.
Vigorously means great deal when ii refers TO
| a personal editorial in a frontier newspaper.
| DueiIng was all the fashion among The upper
! classes in that country, and verg few gentlemen
would throw away an opportunity OF fighting
| one. To kill q person in a duel caused a man TO
| he even more looked up 10 than to kill TWO men
| in the ordinary way. Wei, out there, if you
abused Il man, and that man did not like it, you
had to call him out aud kill him; otherwise you
would be dslraccd So | challenged Mr..
Lord, and ] did hope he would not
Mt
he did not want to fight, and so | challenged
| him in the most violent and implacable man
| ner. And then sat down and suffered and suf-
| tered till the answer came. All our bOys=-the
| editors--were in our office, "hepiug' me in the
| dismal business, and telling about duels and
| discussing the code with a lot of aged rufiianS
| who had had experience in such things, and al
together there Il loving interest taken in the
| matter, which made me unspeakably ulcom-
| Portable. The answer came-Mr. Lord declined
| Our boys were furious, and so was lon the
| surface.
sent him another challenge, and another
| and another; and the more he did not want TO
| fight the boodihTsuer | became. But at last
| the mans tone changed lie appeared t be
! waking mp. 1t was becoming apparent that he
| was going to fight me, after all. ! ought 10
| have known how 1t would be-he was a man
who never could he depended upon. Our bows
were cHuianL / was not though | tried to be-
1t was now time to 20 out and practice It
| Nto lut CUSTOM lHtle 10 U1ilI uuB!S Win navy
| SiX-shOOterS at fifteen paces-load and empty
| till the game for the funeral was secure. We
| went TO Il little raYlne Just outside of town
and borrowed barn door for q target-bor-
| rowed it llom gentleman who was absent
and we stood this barn door up, and stood a
| rail on end against the middle of it, TO repre-
| sent Lord, and put a squash on top the rail to
represent his head. He was very tall, lean
| creature, the poorest sert OF material for duel
nothing but line shot could "letch" him,
| and even then he might split your. bullet.
| ENaggeratiOn aside, the rail was of course, q
| little too thin to represent his body ac-
curatcly, but the squash was all right. Ii
| there was any intellectual difference between
| the squash and his head, it was in favor Of the
| squash.
| Wei, | practiced and practiced at the barn
| door, aud could not hit it; and | practiced at
| the rail, and could not hit that; and | tried
! shafd fOC the squash, and could not hit the
| squash. would have been entirely disheart
| ened, hut that occasionally crippled one of
| the bows, and that encouraged me to hope.
At last we began to hear pistol shots near by
| IN the next ravlne. We knew what thar meanti
| The other party were out practcing too. Then
| was in the last degree distressed, for OF course
| these people would hear our shots, and they
| would send spies over the ridge, aud the spies
| would find my barn.dOor without wound or
| scratch, and that would simply be the end of
| mc-iOr OF course that other man would i'm
mediately become rs boodthrsty as l was. Just
| at this moment bird, no larger than a spar
| row, dew 10y and lit on a sage bush about thirty
| PAGES away, and my little second Steve ellis,
| who was matchleSs markSman with pistol
| much better than | was-snatched out his re.
| volver and shot the birds head off, We all ran
| 10 pick up the game, and sure enough, just at
| this moment, some OF the other dueliss come
| ACCOMMODATING over The little ridge. They ran 10
| our grcupto see what the matter was, and when
| they saw the bird Lords second said:
itq"
| Steve said, with some Indifference:
| "Oh, no great distance. About thirty PAGES"
| "lLifty PAGES! Heavens alive, who did t?
| -"Dy ma1-Iwuin."
Toe mischief he did! Can be do that
| oneuP
"Wel-yes He can do it aDout-well--abo
| four times ont Of FIVE"
knew the little rascal was living, but never
said anything, never told him So He was
| not OF disposition TO iuvite confidence OF that
| kind, so LET tue matter rest. But il WIS a COM
| Tort TO see those people look sick and see their
under jaws drop, when Steve made these state
| mcnts. They went off and got Lord, and took
| him home; and when we got home, half an
| hour later, there was a note saying that Mr..
| Lord peremptJr1ly declined TO fghl!
| 1t was a narrow escape. We found out after.
| ward that Lord Int his mark thin teen times in
| eighteen shots. II he had put those thirteen
| bGllets through me it would have narrowed my
| sphere Of usefulness a good deal-wOuld have
| wen nlgh closed it, in fact True, they could
| have pat pegs in the holes and used me for
hat rack; bat what is a hat rack to man who
feels he has intellectual powers? would scorn
| such position.
have written this true incident of my per-
| soual history for one purpose, and one purpose
| oriy--lo warn the youth Of the day against the
| pernicoGS practice OF duclng, and to plead
| with them TO war against 1t. Ii the remarks
| and suggestions | am making can be of any SER
| vice to Sunday school teachers and newspapers
interested in lhe moral progress of society, they
| are at liberty to use hem, and | shall even be
| grateful TO have them widely disseminated,
| so that they may do rs much good as possible.
| l was young and foolish when | challenged that
| gentleman, and thought it was very fine and
very grad to be duclisr, and stand upon tine
"ded OF honor" But l ON older and more
| experienced now, and am iuhexiby opposed to
the dreadful custom. am glad, indeed, to be
| enabled to lit no my voice against it. ! think
| il is bad, immoral thing. | think it is every
mans duty 10 do everything he can to disc0ul'-
| age dueng. ] always do now. / discourage it
| upon every occasion.
Ii man were to challenge me ao1g-now
that can fully appreciate the iniquity of that
| practice-I wOnld 20 10 that man, and take him
| by the hand, aud lead him 10 a quiet, retired
I'm