Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1872-04-18
OUR APPETIZER.

1t is a queer woman who asks no
questions, but the wcman who does is
the qucrlst.
What Kind Of drum is that which
is best when it can, be bpatca a
conuun.drum.
A Young lady has brought libel
snit against her mother, rs the only
means to get mother,in law.
A Missouri husband obtained \
divorce because his wife insisted on
naming the baby Fornry,"
"A person speaking off, mar not
remark bic for his suayty, SAID he
did not Nike his manners, 81 diden't
know that he had any said a lady.
A minister not long ago preached
from the text, Be We, therefore,
StcadfaSt - but the printer made him
oxpound fom " BE ye there for
breakfast" ;"
betsy" Shall you be goin'
ont this afternoon, menu Mistress
=" think not, Betsey" Bctsey--
"' Cos ser cam if yer like, | don't
want to 90 6. I'm,
"A MiSsor editor advertises to
take corn in pay for hisNaper lie
says he prefers to have 1t IN liquid
state, but viii take it in the car II be
can't get it otherwise.
-" A pig will eat ont Of any
trough" said Deacon Jgs5up to his
son Tom, who had come home from a
whaling voyage, " | would Ike To see
him eat out Of the trough Of the sea,
said Tom.
"A wrctrhed husband in st. Paul
advcrtIses for the recovery othis wife,
g tauI woman, with gray eyes and a
small babic just beginnin' 10 wnnk, )"
who had been appropriated by a
taul pok market fcller, with red hare. "
A prudent man advised his
drunHch eerveut TO put mp his money
for rainey day. lr few weeks
his master inquired how much he had
saved. Faith, none at all, said he,
. it raucd Yesterday and it all went
49," Susie" said u teacher to one Of
her pupils, "you shouldn't make IA
COS. Yon'iI grow up homeIy if you
make faces." Susie looked thought.
fully in the teachers face A moment,
and then ianoceutly asked, "Dli y u
make faces when you was little
girl 2"
"A gentleman in the vicinity OF
Philadelphia recently lost his wife,
and young miss of six, who came to
the fanerai, said to his h,,lc daughter
uf about the same age: " Yonr pa
will marry again, won't hc 7" " Oh,
yes ~ was the reply ; but not until
after the funeral."
A Troy paper recently printed
Two articles, one ot which was an
obituary notice and the other a funny
auccdote. The hcalings accidentally
got changed, and when the paper ap
urarcd the editor vas horliied to see
the obituary notice healed - Good
Joke" while the tnony anccdotc was
mefixed with the caption, " A Sad
Announcement"
II he deliberate manner IN which
Chicago is being rebuilt = thus Illus
,ra,pd in an exchange Let me
secn said a Chicago boss mason re-,
nectivcly to burnt ont merchant,
al have got to put up a block Tor
Brown, tins morning, aud n dwelling
bonse this afternoon for Smith. YES,
I guess We can jerk up Your store
his noon by taking only nalf an. hours
nooain2,"
Captain Jones, Of StoninGton, is
responsible for the following: On his
massage iiom New York, few years
400, observed, one summer afternoon,
A heavy cloud arise from the Iand Ard,
to his great surprise, approach the
yce.G. suddenly ii broke near him,
and covered the deck With milIIous Of
niosqnitocs, while part of the flock
went through the mainsail, leaving
nothing but the bnl'.-opes banging
idly to the spars. Corroborative eyl
lencc to this astonishing tale found
in the person Of q " down.east skip
per-" who heard The story, and who,
on comparing dates with the narrator,
declared that two days alterward he
was boarded bv the same flock Of
mosquitoes, and they all wore canras
breecaes.
"A Dead Settle corset.