The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1872-03-22
lIUMOROUS.
Backgammon-a lady's waterfall.
=. An inl'uman act-Pnlling down the


Anextinct ace-Child-iike children.
A reason why piano was not saved
at u fire, was because none of the fire.
men could play on it.
Mrs. Partington says she does wish
they would hurry up and pass the sill
YER service bill in Washington.
Naomi, the daughter Of Enoef,. was
$50 years old when she married,
There's hope for some OF you other
ladies, after all.
Some one describes q pllilanthropist
as man who loves all mankind and
ncglects his own family.
Josh Billings says: "Wheng Won
strlEe. ilc. stoppborlng; MANY d man
mas bored clean thru and lot all The lie
run out at the botton.'' ~
The Cleveland Leader says that the
musician who puts his liI,s to a brass
morn si on a recent eoldd will not be
''oie 70 let 90 until navigation opens.
A New Orleans pamr wvs HAT a
Young widow IN that city. who writes
Wen, ~ training herselfior an editor" "
"nols the editor she is training fors
Alady, in accounting to a friend f.,
her temporary disappearance from So 60.
ciety, said she had been celebratiny
her wooden wedding, having lust mar.
ried q blOckhead. . '>''' N''A
A humorous apothecary in BOSTON
exposes a cake OF soap In his shop vim
dow, with the pertinent inscription.
Cheaper than Dirt
Galesburg, Illinois, was the scene of
apnlling match between a horse and a
mule. The beasts were hitchetl to the
respective ends ola short, stout chain,
and started. The horse pulled the
mule clean out OF his harness.
1t i said that 1.-TWO Of the Darwin's
sons have been on a visit to the land OF
the monkeys. The monkeys were half
tickled TO death at seeing them. and
asked kindly after their father"
A millionaire who lives on Fifth
avenue, New York, gave a testimoni-
al to a cllIOpOIlist which testifies that
several years ago he successfully ex-
tracted several cOrns from my feet
without pain, also members of INV
family, and they have not returned
since that time. ii
ConutHlrun for married men-Why
is a wife like newspaper? Because.
every man should have one without
borrowing his neighbours. =
Never mind the obituary, Judge"
saida Montana eillprit when the court
becaIne pathetic III prOnomlcing the
sentence. LETS fix the time for the
funeFa ~
An imaginary Western editor in
forms his readers that mo ieerinr
lnockS him from the battle
nents of melanclloly's lofty peak. ="
Why Is a new born babe like the re-
ief of Lucknow! Because It's the
ong expected sucker.
a sea-eaptiin, invited to meet the
Of society for the eyanSel-
zation Of Africa, when asked 9Do
he subjects of King Dahomey keep
iumday:" replied Yes. and every
hing else they can lay their hand,
NJ"
An Ohio man who passed around
'latc at religious meeting for contri-
alliOn for the llelthcu. and then pock-
tel the money, has been acquitted Oh
he ground that he was the greatest
eatlen they knew. and therefore,
stly entitled to the money.
1t was very harl-slell Baptist of
'ennessee who suggested, when he
card of the reformation of an ungotl4
neiglibor. that no ordinary baptism
'ould ito for that man the only SURE
NY would be to tie q grilldstone to his
,et- and anchor him over night in
he middle Of the river"
| never place much reliance on a man
no Is always telling what lie wound
I'VE done Ind he been there. I have =
,ticetl that somehow this kind OF peo-
e never git there.
\ chambernaid in Bangor, while
aking n rug out of Il second storr
indow, lost her balance, turned
mplete somcrSault, and came down
the ground witha rush. Astonish-
2 to all who witnessed the fall, she
nped up, ran into the house, and
'nned her work as ii nothing had
ppened.
FOND OF TIE WIDOWS. The fol-
wing story is related Of nm old man
strict creed and high moral snslalin@
the community where he lived. II
said Immediately following the
ath Of his third wife lie dOnned his
1t and hat and with u smiling face
Il indicated no thought Of failure,
nnonetl a wiCIow lady livius In thu
Ighborilood to the door, and an
lmced the news to her thus:
tiood-mo'1in, ma am; I'm round
ling the folks how my old woman's
ID. Don't know for altin that (
III get married again. You are
are, howsomever with a knowing
nEh that I'm mighty fond Of the
l,lers."
Ills fourth marriage has been placed
record.
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