The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-11-12
A MOther-in-law's Fast Ride.

Joe. s. is the fortunate possessor oGka
mother-in-law, aud what he probably
thought more of among his horses was one
known as Quaker. Now Quaker was a
good roader, and could and would jerk a
wagon with two in it in 2:51 on the road
and the harder he was pulled in and the
more he was yelled at the faster he meant
to go. In fact, when competing horse
ranged alongside, and strong pull was
taken, accompanied with yells, he thought
he must do his level best on trotting, and
you bet he did it. Not many years ago,
when the county fair was held where Mas
ter Joe then lived, he had old Quaker
hitched up to a 1870 pounds three-quarter
seated wagon, and as he was getting in,
mother-in-law wished to go with him. He
informed her that he was going to the town
clerks Office at the lower end of the village,
(about mile,) and if she was in hurry to
return she would have to drive back alone,
and then cramped the wagon for her adj
mittance; and with head dropping and
slouching gait old Quaker walked along,
taking the ill-assorted pair to the town
clerks Office. Now, be it known Joe dear
ly loves fun, and will have it as often as
possible, while mother-in-law is rigid, old
fashioned, sky blue Baptist, undoubtedly
very good, but unfortunately possessed
with the idea that to laugh is to sin. 1t SO
happened that every team at that time was
going to the fair grounds, or else was
walking; SO Quaker had no chance to
"score up" but just as they arrived at the
office of the town clerk, s. saw Jack Barnes
coming on his way to the fair. Now,
Jacks mare has the reputation of being
four or five seconds faster than old Quaker
To turn Quaker around, jump out, and ad-
wise mother-in-law to drive slow going
home, was but minutes work; and then
holding up his hand to attract Jacks at
tention he told him he would pay chicken
fixings, etceteras, ifhe wodld range along
side Quaker at speed, yell and spirit the
old horse up the street to Fair Grounds
entrance. A nod, and Jack touches Lady
Cutler with his whip, sings out, git and
lays for Quaker, who, hearing the stopper
coming, grabs at his bit. Mother-in-law
takes hold of reins in front of the buttons
puts feet against brace iron in front, and as
the lady ranges alongside, Jack yelling
lively, mother-in-law takes her strongest
pull, screaming whoa to stop her "ani-
mile" But he didn't stop-not much--he
didn't-the pull was just enough to steady
him good; whoa, he evidently considered to
be meant for sell for the other horse, and
squatted to dol his level best, and just did
it. Now you bet Barnes was actually
getting left behind, and warming up to his
work he commenced in right good earnest
to sing out, Hi Yarrl Go er long What
are you about Git, won't yer? And they
did git nice "Both on 'em." The people
they passed seeing their speed and the old
lady's hat on the back of her neck her
shawl streaming out behind, and the cour-
age with which she hung on to the lines,
clapped their hands and encouragingly sung
out, "Good, old gal p'--" Gay old bird p
Bully for old Quaker p And as they
passed two hotels, the fast boys on the
piazzas gave them three cheers with vim,
in fact, with several extra Wins.
Joe's mother-in-law took the first even
ing train for her Green Mountain home.
His parting words were, "he should not
allow her to drive Quaker again as he had
cautioned her to drive slow, and she had
gone and beat one of the fastest horses in
town.
Joe said the next day, with quiet twin
kle of his eye, that his wife did not give
him "curtain lecture" that night, and
when parties put up their little bets on it
he proved by Jack Barnes that they went
out to Pittsburg for their chicken fxings
and etceteras, and didn't get back until six
o'clock next morning.