Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1872-06-25
-Lgs7ach for He17aeO7'5sts.

upon its two thousandth volume. All of its
original staff are dead.
The height of stinginess might be said to be
exemplifed in the parsimony Of person who
would grudge a steam engine its fuel.
A lady, in accounting to friend for her tenn,
porary disappearance from society, said she had
been celebrating her wooden wedding, having
Just married blockhead.
Spinks SAYS that the Gas Company need not
waste any more money on that artesian we'll !:
the Chinese have sold two thousand feet of the
auger for old iron already.
81 am afraid, said lady to her husband,
''that | am going to have stiff neck. /" mot
at all improbable, my DEAR" replied her
spouse. Il have seen strong symptoms OF 1t
ever since we were married.
Puck, St. Louis paper, comes out with por-
traits of Greeley with big pen and Grant with
a big sword, accompanied by the conundrum,
(which will prove the mightier, the sword or
the pen?'
Prisoner" said Squire Jones, in awarding
Judgment, sit is a maxim of the law that it is
better to err On the side of mercy. The court
has made up her mind which side she will err
on, and nothing remains but to err On that
side" @ efeE
"Aw!' exclaimed an English Cockney to a
western traveller in England, speaking of the
law of primogeniture, $ avs you heniail 10
Amewica ':Hentail!' said the American,
looking at his interrogator with curiosity, mo
sir. We have cocktail in America, and very
popular drink it is.
Mr.. Greely writes to confectioner that In
making calves foot jelly the Durham breed
should always be selected. Take a live calf,
place the hind feet in a corn mill, and then
commence to turn, and the jelly will flow out
IN Ite fafo Al
throw away the calf.
A Bangor man was discussing the liquor law,
the other day, and strongly urged its strict en-
forcement. To emphasize remark, he pulled
his umbrella from under his arm, when there
dropped out of it black bottle. A crash on
the pavement was followed by diffusion of
fragrance equaled only by the best "Old Bour-
bon" Argument closed
A young lady, whose experience in the bust
ness entities her words to much weight, says
that gentleman ought never to feel discour-
aged when the ''momentous question" is neg
atived By the object Of his choice, for in life,
as 10 grammar, VIC always decline before we
conlugate.
A storekeeper at Quincy, Michigan, having
pup that habltually upset the paint cans in
the rear end of the store, rubbed the dog
nose In the spilled paint as 4 reminder that be
must not do SO again. Last week the animal
again spilled the paint and, observing that his
master was waiting On customer, the docile
pup rubbed his own nose Ia the mixture and
ran bowling cut the back way.
An old bachelor, picking up book, ex-
claimed, upon seeing wood-cut, representing
man kneeling at the feet of woman: BE
fore l would kHeel to woman, [ would encir-
Gle my neck glth rope aud stretch it y And
then turning to young woman, he inquired
DO you not think it would be the best [ could
dor Ii would, undoubtedly be the best for
the woman, vas the sarcastic reply.
Rockville, Conn, says an exchange, "boasts
of man who got married, became happy
father. buried both wife aud child, married
again, and buried the second wife all inside
OF eleven months He remarked, vii b great
emotion, when handing in for publication the
notice OF his LAST vile Sktecease: There no
rose without it's thorn TIE thorn in this
case was the having to pay for the advertise
ment.
The Cleveland Leader says that gentleman
in that city who prides himself upon his ap
pearance, lately sought to remove grease spot
from his coat tail by the free use of benzine
and then stood close to the stove that the odor
might evaporate more quickly. He was quite
correct in his theory, bat unfortunate in prac
tice, for he was soon turning cart wheels
of the coattail left to make ''weskit'' for
doll baby. He does not ride horseback now,
and sleeps On all fours like mule
Legislator Gust arrived from the country to
the city on his way to the Capitol CORY
mighty, Massa John, is dat you? [ is berry
glad to see you How all the family do?
Gentleman: Quite well; but Joe, what has
brought you TO the city?
Legislator: Why is elected, for once. in
de Legislature
Gentleman Why, Joe, what are you going
to do there?
Legislator: Why, to tell you de God trute, |
L gwlne arter dat six dollars day.
A fancy farmer Of Scott county, Kentucky.
is said to have built So, 600 hog pen, which
is painted and grained, furnished with hot and
cold water, warmed with steam and lighted
with gas. There is a fine library, where can be
found Cobbs Elementary Works, the works OF
Bacon, Inquiry Regarding the Descendants OF
Ham, Hogg's Poems, Golden on the Corn
Laws, and the popular little poem, Root Hog
or Die. The troughs are Of mahogany, in
laid with ivory, and furnished with Phelan
cushions. Whenever hog is led out to execu-
ton chloroform is administered
A skeptical young coegian confronted an
Old Quaker with the statement, that he did not
believe in the Bible. Said the Quaker:
docs thee believe 10 France?s'
Eyes; for though have not seen it. I have
seen others who have; besides, there is plenty
Of proof that such country does exist.
Then thee will not believe anything that
thee or others has not seen ?"
No; to be sure won IT,
did thee ever see thy own brains 2"
"No."
''Ever see any body that did 2"
''No."
docs thee believe thee has any p
An Ohio journalist read in another paper
statement to the effect that miss Kellogg has
larger repertoire than any otel living prima
donna and he considered it his duty as a
champion of the truth to sit down and write an
article upon the subject in which he says
We do not of course know how Miss Kellogg
was dressed In other cities, but upon the occa-
SION OF her last performance here we are posi-
lively certain that her repertoire did not seem
TO extend SO lar out as either Missions or Pat
us IL may have been that her oyerskirt was
cut too narrow to permit of its being gathered
into such large hump behind, or IS nav hove
been that 1T had been crushed down accidental nt
ly; but the fact remains that beth of Miss K o.
logg's rivals wore repertoires of a much moro
extravagant slze-very much to their discred;t
we think" '''' 'Ni''