The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1872-10-25
arieties.

The end of all argument-You're
another.
TIE bored of arbitration = News.
paper readers.
RAILWAY APHORIsN-Every milk-train
has cow catcher.
EXCUSE haste and bad pen," as the
pig said when he broke out.
BULwER says: " Poverty is only an
idea" It's a very bad idea.
PEOPLE who are always wishing for
something new should try neuralgia.
A AREwARD is offered for the barber
who docs not ask you to be shampooed.
A SARCASTIC lady says the only thing
which keeps Lent is her best silk um-
brella.
The earliest barbecue on record
Luther burning the Pope's bull at
Worms.
A coNcEITED fop was saying that he
was aelfmad man, mhereupon q wag
remarked that he had relieved the Lord
of great responsibility.
MAnaA," said precocious little
boy, who, against his will, was made to
rock the cradle of his baby brother, "if
the doctor has any more babies to give
away, don't you take 'em."
A VERMONT undertaken, who was not
used to conducting funerals, recently
rose at the conclusion of funeral adj
dress, and said that the corpse would
now 90 round and take last look at
the mourners.
A SHARP old gentleman travelling out
West got seat beside his wife in crowd.
ed railway car by requesting the young
man who sat by her TO please watch that
woman while he went into another car,
as she had fits.
VISITOR" How long has your master
been away?o Irish footman-"W Well,
sir, if he'd come home yesterday, he'd
been gone u wake to- morrow but ev he
doesn't return the day after, shure he'll
a been away fortnight next Thurs
day."
WHAT agenies must that poet have
| endured who, writing of his love, as
serted in his manuscript that he kissed
| her under the silent stars" and found
the compositor had made him declare
that he "kicked her under the cellar
stairs"
IT is curious fact that the morning
and evening journals in London which
are understood to have the largest cir
| culation-the Daily Telegraph and the
Echo--are at present conducted by two
brothers, Messrs. Edwin and Arthur
Arnold.
THE other day little boy who had
cut lis finger ran 10 his mother and
cried " Tie it up, ma; tie it quick, for
the juice is all running outP' The same
urchin on one of the late excessively
hot DAYS appealed to his mother for help,
saying: "Ma, do fix me, for rm Leak
ing all over ~ --,-.....a
"WHY are the doctors called physi-
clans, mamma ?'' said an inquisitiye little
girl to her mother, who had just been
visited by one of them. Physician"
replied mamma, who was seldom at a
loss for an answer, "comes from Zee.
SEEK as the doctor rides about all day
seeking fees"
"SAM, whar you get dat coat ?' in
quired one darkey Of another, immedi
ately after the Chicago fire. "Oh
down at Pu.h's." ""Push's what's dat?
"Well, I'll tell you. You see, de nigh,
of the fire, / was goin' down Sou
Clark street, an see on door, Push
20 I push. An when | got inside
looked around and see 'Pull! So
pulled dis coat off the hook, an scooted
Yai ha!' i.ae
Mr., LINCOLN was exceedingly aston
ished one day, as he was inspecting tn
prison IN Washington, by 3 prisone
who said to him, How are you, MI
President? believe that you and hav
, been in every jail in the Union "Thi
|, and The jail at Springfield are the onl.
!, ones was ever in in my life" said Nj
Lincoln. Every likely,n responded IN
, rogue, /" but Eve been in all the ress.'
: ROME has increased greatly in populs
Q ton since it became the capital OF Itai.
j. and the demand for houses Is so gres
g that improvements are being made
a every direction. Not sewer is dug Z
s. q foundation laid without the discover
Of MANY rare objects OF art-the debr
y of the ancient city.
i EIcur miles from Barlow, Ga, ire
has been found which Is said to ecu
= | 49, rar,nra heda of Sweden.