Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1872-06-20
Varieties,


LABOR in vein-worling a coal mine.
Coal is coming down-by the canal.
The spendthrift's prayer" Leave me
a loan, will you? ?" fabsaa
A cRusrY old bachelor says that love
is a wretched business, consisting OF
little signing little crying, a little
"dying,n and deal of lying. 81
TIE Mariposa man who lost his ear in
a fight. and afterward had it placed
wrong end up, is obliged to stand on
his head to hear straight. ~.,l.
Mrs. SMITH observes that scolding is
a woman's sphere. Mrs. Robinson re-
torts that {" it is no woman's fear 70
scold her husband-provided he de-
serves it.
A MILL PLAIN man has bought mule
He harnesses it with a spy-glass. DE
saw. here is no instrument in the world
that combines so many rare cords as a
mules hind leg.
"I WILL not strike thee, bad man."
said a Quaker one day, I" but A VIII let
this billet of wood fall on thee 5; and at
the nrecise moment the "bad man
was fioored by the weight of a walking
stick that the Quaker was known TO
carry.
An irate Western editor lately wrote
to a contributor II you don't sop
sending me such aboninable poetry, III III
print a piece of it some day, with your
name appended in full, and send a copy
to your girl" oT; eaa .q5qg5.
A spoRr1vE hunter of Detroit, who
| kept a flask of whisky with bim on
shooting trip, struck race course IN
| the suburbs on his, return, and walked
around it all night, wondering why ne
didn't get to town.
| WHEN Bryant, the poet, was in Mexi-
| co, recently, he met an American laoy,
and, after. the introduction, she said to q
friend /" Everybody in New York
knows Mr.. Bryant, and they all go TO
hear his minstrels sing" ......
AN exchange tells that, at twenty
wears of age, Leland Stanford arrived
in California with only one shirt to ms
back. Since then, by close attention to
businezs, he has accumulated over
| 10000, 1000. What can man want wltn
100000 shirts ? u ) . ss5f99 8
filA NAN a hundred years old went TO
have a pair of shoes made. The shop
keeper suggested that hemight not live
tn wear them out, when the old man re-
Il torfed that he commenced this one hun
dred years a great deal stronger than he
did the last one. ans BOD els0.
/ A PEKIN, Ill, woman was asked py
. the preacher if her husband feared tne
Lord. She replied: Fear himI wny'
bless you, he is SO feared OF him thas ne
never goes out of the house Sundays
| L. l. g. oil
! Ia co1oREp mail carrier in Virgins
was RECENTLY veil shaken by a man for
lkicking his dog. 4Look here, massa,
said he, ayou'd better be keerful he"
. YOU shake dis chile; cos when you
shal1es me you shakes de whole OF ds
, United States carries de mails"
HERE is a prospectus of Oil City, by
T;tnsviIle paper: f"A small, gnarled
frowzy, knotty, bare-backed, sup-and
|. down bumped, ound-shouldered, gully
!, | precipicy, and generally shotup
scooped- out, iravined, inhexible,
: regular, greasy, and slab-sided shant.
town."
r .nWHo is he 2" said passer-by to
+ policeman who was endeavoring 10 rais
l. an intoxicated individual who had falie'
v into the gutter. "Can't say, sir" re
# nlied the policeman; !" he can't give a
g Recount of hinaself." "Of course not,
n i said the other |" how can you expe<
e an account from a man who has lost
/ balanceW ....s4 ..-.f.s7f
y AN Evansville halter, tired OF imPol
tuning debtors, has commenced Sn
E publication in the local dailies OF wha
I he calls his " dead beat list" 1t glvt
" az no,nee and ocru nations of his mtnC
3; debtors the amounts of their indebte'
81 ness. and the date of their contraction
, The names are printed in displays
: type, and doubtless amuse the oeh
3 queflts greatly. m
A SARCASTIC Ohio editor notices tn
: alast evening the beautiful daughter
ne Mr.. Lovepuh, the accomplished a,
te gentlemanIy wagonmaker OF TINS ylci
M ity, was united in wedlock to deor
,e. Beerstat, the talented artist, VINO
charming landscapes are upon the oas
ss board of every buggy ever turned % ou'
..9S his father-in-law's shop, and VINO
IS stripping carriage wheels has no pc
t.saa living since Rube ms died"
r5S WE met Seruggins this morning vi
LOO a bundle of nuts and raisins under
"a 80 arm. We asked him if he wasn't z
5 S. ting luxurious. " I've got six minist
AZ at my house." he said. But you
not feed them on nuts and rajsinsf'
BIS reioined. No. said he, reflective
s.6l /" but when : get about half done,
meal time, shove back, and they
,he low suit. Then come down stairs, q
uis fill up between meals. By this mean
,ck save about one mans board, and 1T
nd better for the minister not to eat
~