Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1872-01-17
AMOSa THE MAILs.
/ DEPUrT POsrHisTER's EXPERIENCE.

July, 1S--. Yes j was sworn into the
office. and for fear one oath would moi
answer the purpose, I swore in the
Office every day for g year; at the end
of which time ] had become so pro-
fame that swore myself out of office
without any difficulty. = G
shall never forget the first days
experience. 1t was as hot as an attic
sleeping room, and the Office about As
large. p SO.
Mails we're in from Slangville, Talk
Town. BAow-on Valley, Lip Greek,
Cab Hill, BuZzin Flats, Crackf1eld,
and Shouting Hollow.
Mails were In from the East, West,
North, and South. 80
Way mails, side mails, catch mails,
and through mails, all slung st you
like bundles Of wheat when you can't
NOV them away half as fast as they
are slunq. I stood in the midst OF
that mountain Of mail matter so help
less and dumlounded, I didn't know
what the mater was. was as weak
and Timber as the limpsiest bag in the
pile. 1 actually did not know myself
from the sides Of sole leather that day
about me.
In ten minutes the mails went East
and West, in fourteen they went North
and South, and already half-dozen
sorrel Whiskered, ,raccoon-capped stage
drivers were shouting Mails, y Hurry
up there t'DzAsIoH this morningii'
and I heard ore shimbly shambly,
Qrass-fed mule director say to another,
aI guess the new deputy Is a better
hand on sorting taters than he is let
,ters." @
/ knew 1 want much OF a sorter
that day, nor much Of a fighter any
day, but 1 did Sorter want to get at
that miserable skinfull Of revilement
and show him my proficiency as dis
tributinG clerk, but was otherwise
engaged. aa
Frantically 1 seized the msil-key,
and the first thing I attempted to do
with il was to wind the office clock.
Finally 1 succeeded In getting the
mail bags open, and All emptied into
a huge box in the center OF the office.
AS near as / Idguess there must
have been about fourteen bushels of
unassorted mail matter. If it had
been about fourteen bushels Of beans
to be handpicked, the task would not
have seemed more formidable.
Slangville letters went to the right,
Talk Town letters went to the left,
Blow-on Valley went over the right
shoulder, Lip Creek over the left, Cab
Hill went obliQuely TO the left, Crack
field went directly over the head, and
Shouting Hollow between the legs;
the space directly in front being re-
served for Bottleford. ~
1 was little particular at first not
to make any mistakes, but the grumb-
ling of those waiting for their letters,
and the shouting Of the drivers with
out, warned me that my time was
nearly up. So I just threw them
around like dealing whist, gave each
a fair portion, reserying the biggest
pile for Bottleford.
Then l stuffed the n1ail-bags, and
jerked them out Of the Office door. and
the hurry and impatience OF these
miserable drivers vanished as soon as
they got possession of them. One,
the noisiest OF the lot, the one who
had made the undignifed and tG-tered
comparison as q sortef, actually hung
around for half an hour, staring at me
through the window, and laughing at
my perplexities. He said he would
have me reported at Headquarters.
1 made up my mind If I ever got a
chance, would report at has head
quarters, and hind too, for the matter
of that.
The stage-drivers disposed Of, a
more formidable and more impossible
task. presented itself. 3t.... .....-.
Three hundred and Atty letter box
es to be hunted up each with the
owners name in fine hand written on
its upper margin. Ny boss, p. NJ,
told me 1 must find them out myself,
then 1 would always remember where
they were. i -i -1
He was a man who had far more
in his judgment than ! bad
in my memory. 1 recoflect land very
surprising it is that / do) when was
first put upon the multiplication table,
that solid square table, as construct
ed in the days Of Daboll and Willet,-
I remember how dim, how uncertain,
how unintellIgible its twelve ranks of
figures looked, beginning with and
ending with IA. - Z
Just so that parallelOgram of hollow
squares looked to me at that moment.
1t seemed that each individual owner
was gazing with blood-thirsty eyes
upon his number, and unless he re-
ceiyed a letter he would go for the
deputy, In 8 fit Of desperation 1
seized large package OF letters.
AlonzO Plummer was the firstname.
Where was AlonZo Plummer's box ?
If the name had been written on it
in letters as big as horseshoes, Icould
not have seen it. Islammed 1t into
the nearest box. @
/ did so with all the rest.
Every box had letter as far as
they went, and then I raised the slide.
A rush was made for the opening.
No. 8, No. II, No. 50, No. 60, No.
log, Sir 240, II y0t please; anything
for Stokes? anything for Bilger No.
$40, No. 1S5; anything for Shellgrave:
for Pickletop?n
And so it went, every mouth belch-
ing forth a number or q name. l
showed out the letters indiscriminately
and impartially, without regard to
age, sex, nationality, color, or previ-
Ous condition.
Everybody got letters, but not one
in fifty got their own.
"Here, SAM" says one, Is letter
for you in my box
ayes, and here is one for you in
mine"
whats this doing in my box ?"
says another.
"Ah yes, excuse me, slight mis-
take, belongs to Mr.. Rangs.n
Bangs, did you say? l Just asked
and you said there was nothing Tor
Bangs.n
With my pencil I marked on 1t
the number of the box from which /
had taken it, and handed 1t out, re-
in tone Of injured inno-
cence that ''it was q mistake Of the
sender, and not OF mine"
what is that nasty Polly Ines let
ter doin' in my box ?n screamed ru-
raj sWainess on the right of the attack
ing column.
"Mistook your name.'
Madam Thought it was politeness-
But the greatest pest of all was the
school children. As soon as school
was out, there was one wild race for
the post Office. They began to in
Iuife as sooa as they came within
shouting distance, They would in.
Iuire for themselves, and then for
that lived within five miles
Of them.
tAnything for any of the Muir
Dhys?n yelled little freckled-sacedr
yeilow-topped potatOe mouth, with
nationality so strongly developed that
you could smell it.