The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1872-08-08
T II h PO ST.
Good Rezo,ushuns for Is72
Rnd 1878,
ny JOSH BILLINGS.

by JOSH BILLINGS.
That wont smoke enuy moro cigars,
only at sum body elso's expense.
That wont borry nor lcnd-es-
peshily lend
That will live within mi inkum, if
i hav tew git trusted tew do 1t.
That ! will be polite tew every bod.
dy, except muskceters aud bed bugs.
That wont advise emmy boldly, un-
ill i kno the kind ov advise they sre
anxious tcw follow.
That wont wear emmy more ti,e
boots, II hav tew go barefoot to do it
That wont cat enuy more chicken
soup with one tined fork.
That won't swop dogs with no
msu, unless kon sxop two for one.
That | won't ohjcckt ,ew emmy man
on ockount Of biz color, unless he
happens tcw be blue.
That won't sware emmy, Snless !
attn put under oath.
Tha wont believe 10 total dc.
pravity, only in gin at four shillings .
gallon.
That poverty may be blessing,
hut ifit IL, it iz q blessing in disguise
That will take mi whisky hereaf.
Ter straigh-straight TO the gutter.
That the world owes me . living
provided earn il.
That j will stick to my taylor az
long az be will stick tew me.
That won't swop any horses with
a dcakon.
That no man shall beat me in pc
liteness, not 40 long Us politeusss kou-
times tew be az cheap al it is now.
That i wont hav eony religious
kreed miself, but will respekt every
boldly escs
That if lovely women smaks me
on one check, | will turn her the other
also.
That If n man kalls mo a whool, !
won't ask him to prove il
"hat will lead moral life If | lose
good deal ov phuu by it.
That If q man tells mo q mule
won't Xix, ! will believe what be ser
without trieing il.
That If emmy boldly loozes even q
goose | will weep with him, for it is
tuif biziness to loose goose.
That if ever do git a hen that ken
lay 2 egg. day. | shall insist upon
her keeping one Of the eggs on hand
for sinking fund.
Tint IL 10 M a l;s,ra,n tau, J.. 10 Ia;
dog unless he dur it tho scckonj
time.
That it IL just as natural tew be
born rich az poor, but it is seldom
30 convenient.
That one Of tho riskycst things to
straddle il tho back of q 80 day note.
That the beat time tew repent ov a
blunder IL just before the blunder liz
made.
That will tri hard tow be honest,
but it will be jus, my darn luck to
miss it.
That | won't grow emmy kats.
Spontaneous kats hav killed the bu-
siness.
That will lovo my mothcr-in.law
If it takes all the money kan earn
tew do it.
That believe real good lies arc
Citing skarser and skarser every day
That VIII respeckt pubhk opin
yum just az long III can respekt my.
self in doing it.
That when hear man Dragging
on his ancestors i wont envy him, bot
will pity the ancestors.
That won't beleave in emmy ghost
or ghostcsscs unless they weigh abou,
l4O pounds and can cat good square
meal.
That won't bet on nothing, for
things that require betting on lax
sumthing.
That i will brag on my wife ell the
time, but will do it silently.
That l will despize most things
that ! see, not out OF malice, but out
wv wizdum.
That l won't banker for happiness.
but II see emmy that think IL bar
gain viii shutup one eye and go for it,
That won't wish waz az pure as
King David, but that waz purer
than am.
That won't kovot emmy mans wife,
nor hiz oxen, nor his kornstalks, nor
color Of hiz mustash.
That will laff every good chance |
kan git, whether it makes me grow
phat or not.
Finally, will search for things
that are little, for things that are lone
sum, avoiding all torch lite prosesh-
uns, bands Nv brass musick, win.
mems rights convenshuns and grass
I'D a..