The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-05-31
sCIssoHINGs.

To be taken without shaking-a
hint.
A serious turn-the twist of ones
neck.
Is it murder to drown your sorrows,
or to kill time?
A stamp you can't buy-the stamp
OF a gentleman.
When are acrobats murderers?
When they poison each other.
An old widower says that o miss is
as god as a mile-of old women.
Does a COW become landed proper
ty when she is t-rned into u ield2
Where did Noah preserve the bees
during the food? In the archives.
Women are said to be second to
the press in the dissemination of news.
The coming mantle fellow who
promised to pay for his paper next
week."
A young woman's conundrum-
Who is our favorite Roman hero?
Marius.
The quickest way for q man to for
get all common miseries is to wear
tight boots.
Smart young men, and gossipping,
pert girls are the persons to be dread
ed in society.
II Adam is accountable for .scon-
sequential damages" he viii have a
rough time of it. IS
Swans sing before they die, 'twere
no bad thing did certain persons die
before they sing.
A near-sighted man, being advised
to use glasses, took four and, he
says, be saw double.
In conversation a wise man may
be at u loss how to begin, but a fool
never knows how to stop.
Why are w-asherwoman the ~silliest
of people? Because they put out
their tubs to catch seft water when
it rains lard.
.Boy wanted to stand in a store"
-EE. We can send twenty Who stand
in front of stores, and it went be a
Sood day either.
Whenever you hear a man who al
was wants tew bet hiz bottom dollar,
you kan make up yore mind that IL
the size of biz pile.u
There is two kind ov men that /
don kare to meet when | am in a
great hurry; men that l owe and men
tina want to owe me
An exchange says Grant is Jonah
in the Republican ship" Then for
Heavens sake. hurry up the whale
that Is TO swallow him.
A little girl wanted to a that
she had a fan but had forgotten the
name. SO she described it as "a thing
to brush the warn off with"
An exchange says the prettiest
neck-tie in the world is the arms of a
baby. Suppose the baby is black,
and arms covered With molasses.
"AhF' unused. Smith,, as he con-
templated his extensive collection of
New Years bills, chow true ii is that
In the midst of life we are in debt.
sit is forty years, Dry old friend
since we were boys together" lis
1t? Well .ion't speak SO loud; there's
that your, g widow in the next room.
In Havana, ON Easter morning,
the whole Gene of the Resurrection
of III: Savior j, enacted In the
stleeis, by persons dresse,. in charac-
ter.
The Georgia Federal o~fice-hol:ers
have taxed their salaries To help
carry on the campaign. a motion
to tax their :t-aiIugs was Indignantly
voted dCWn.
As a lawyer and doctor we're walk
ing arm III arm, a wag said to a
friend: Those two are equal to one
highwayman- "Wby?' :Because
they are a lawyer aad a doctor-your
money OF your life.
Mr. Darwin has not vet arranged
the precise line Of our ancestry, but
IA good deal that is singular III human
nature would be explained, ii 1t could
be proved that one of our. remote
ancestors was a sheep.
An old topper being asked one day
why he persisted Ia bringing, re-
piled, DRY makes me drunk, drink
makes nae drunk, and drunk makes me
dry again" The explanation was con-
sidered quite sufficient.
A New York paper says a gentle
man recently broke off MS engage
ment with a lady after the wedding
cards had beeL printed, because she
would not follow his advice as to how
the bridal party should stand at the
altar.
The Goodyear Misunderstanding Com.
pany are getting out their spring
styles. Among these is q porous
guta-pereha hotel beefsteak, a sponge
buckwheat cake, aud an elastic india.
rubber fowl, warranted, with care. tc
last for years.
The administration Republicans say
Grant can carry a majority of the
States this fall. He would carry apv.
thing in the shapeof personal prop.
erty that wa not red hot? bnt be
cannot carry himself into the Presi.
dental chair, even upon the points
of his bayonets.
As an agricultural State Iowa IL
far in advance of its rank in regard
to population. It is already the
fourth in produc ion of corn, the
fifth of wheat aud the sixth of nice