The Portland daily press., 1872-11-23

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A lady asked one of our gentlemanly book
store clerks yesterday if he had .'Festus."
NO." replied the clerk; 'sbut Pm afraid
boil is coming on the back of my neck
Ttuspilte Press.
A gentleman whose second new clothes
line was stolen the other night announces his
perfect readiness to furnish dozen more if
the thieves will hang themselves Herewith.
A Danbury horse doctor has passed from
the thorny> paths of poverty to the blu e and
gold and black walnut of opulence. His
shirts open behind.-Ners.
Emerson's new volume Of Essays on 'sPoet-
ry and Criticism" is postponed till next spring
owing to his departure for Europe. 1t will
then be published simultaneously in Boston
and London
A sympathetic Norwich man stopping in
Boston, on learning that to check the fire a
great many buildings must be blown up, Of
fered to contribute his mother-in-law for the
purpose.
The example of Pere Hyacinthe, it seems,
has found an imitator in the Greek Church.
1t was one of Macaulay's hobbies to caution
mankind against the dangers of a 'preced-
ent.
Man first learned song in paradise,
From the bright ans els DER him singing;
And in our home above the skies,
Glad anthems are forever ringing;
God lends his ear, well pleased to hear
The songs that cheer his children's sorrow;
Till day shall break, and we shall wake
Where love will make unfading morrow.
-Bethune.
The Sherman (Texas) Courier takes jeal-
Gus census of Red River City, viz: Two long,
hungry Americans, two Irishmen, one In
dian, two cadaverous-looking individuals of
unknown nationality, Mexican mule, John
@. A. Carter, and dog.
The ex-King of Dude, cheerful old potent
ate, is engaged in the playful endeavor of col
Letting a menagerie of twenty thousand ser
penis. All the provinces OF India are being
searched for the varmints, and many of high
position in serpent circles have been secured.
In speaking of local debating society, a
country paper says, sour village debating
clubs are in full blast, and questions that have
engrossed the intellectual functions of the
sages are to be decided at the rate of two a
week."
Ex-Attorney- General Alderman in one of
his recent speeches in Georgia, alluded to the
s'afflnity of molecular substances" His col
ored audience applauded tremendously at this
hit, and one old negro remarked that 'ef dat
was de way Dimecrats done, he couldn't so
wild 'em nohow."
The Springfield Republican thus does po-
lice item: Asahel Ames was found peacefully
sleeping on the railroad track Saturday even
| ing; his right hand grasped an empty bottle,
in his left were greenbacks; he smiled in his
| innocent glee aad murmured, "mother, home
and heaven PIN lieu of which he was toted
off to gin mill on Sharon street.
| The dead leaves strew the forest walk,
And withered are the pale wild flowers;
The frost hangs blackening on the stalk,
The dewdrops fall in frozen showers.
Gone are the springs green, sprouting bowers,
Gone summers rich and mantling vines,
4 SIG And autumn with her yellow hours
On hill and plain no longer shines.
The widow Of the murdered Crittenden has
to keep boarding house to support her fam
lily, while the fascinating murderess lives at
ease in ''purple and fine linen" Good boys
who have abstained from going a-fshing on
1
Sundays for fear of accidents, and young men
who subordinate the pursuit of fortune to
the claims of virtue, are affectionately invited
to take notice.
A lad accosted an aged Senator thus: -
".Are you a member of the Legislature ?"
The Senator looking down from an eminence
Of six feet three, replied, "Yes, my son; what
can do for you?A ''Why," said the urchin,
81 want to be messenger; I'm eight years
old, and have never had an Office" That
boy has evidently mastered the science OF
| politics.
The famous maelstrom, which has been the
scene of SO many thrilling stories, is in reality
very tame affair, and would never recognize
itself in the turbulent picture drawn by the
romancer's pen. An English tourist, writing
Of it from Norway, says: Every year hun
dreds of our countrymen row over it, doubt
less even battle in it; for, except at certain
periods, and under certain conditions of wind
and tide, it is comparativel harmless"
| THE most amusing thing in contemporary
literature is the manner in which some of the
New York papers sniff at Boston's preten'
lions to having had something of a fire, The
idea of the Boston confagration's having been
at all comparable with that at Chicago seems
especially offensive to the Gothamite, and his
nose goes into the air when it is mentioned
just as it always does when the Peace Jubi.
lee, the big organ, the common or the State
house is the subject Of eulogy.
The Princess Metternich was rather fond O.
millinery. One day she brought her quarter.
ly bonnet account, which was quite large
considering that bonnets were SO small in
those days. The Prince, with his usua
courtesy, Immediately handed her check TO
it. and laughingly remarked: "My dear,
have noticed that in proportion as your bon
nets diminish in size the price of them in
creases. One of these mornings we shall hav'
the milliner bringing nothing but the BILL"
Another funny boy has been found. Hi
name is Masenheimer, and he lives in Mary
land. On Monday evening he and friend
and two ladies were walking homeward from
aprayer meeting. Something was said abou
firearms, of which weapons the tender maid
ems expressed a horror. Masenheimer, b.
way of lark, and to show the entire harm
lessness Of pistols, drew his own, fourished
in the air, and shot his friend dead. There
nothing half so amusing as playing with load
ed firearms. They have such delightful
way of getting up surprise by going off il
the wrong place.
/ Here is another Boston notion. A grea
clothing house, employing many women wa