Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1872-06-20
Varieties.
SHocKING-A magnetic battery.

AN exchange tells Of marine disas
ter where three seamen " bit the dust
POLITICIANS ought to be the frankest
of men. They're in the habit of speak
ing out.
Why is man who is knocking stead
lily at door like butcher? Because
he knocks and knocks knocks an ok.
'sMY DEAR" said a husband to his
wife, "do you think stovepipe hat is
unbecoming to me-? 1t is, decided
ly, when it is too much stove," replied
the wife.
A FoUR-year-old, being asked by his
mother if he would like to have wings
and be an angel, replied, "No, ma;
I'd rather be a hawk and live on
chickens"
A MASSACHUSETTS paper publishes this
outrageous SANDER: Thirteen old maids
from Vermont lately went to Wyoming
Territory to get husbands. The men
there said they preferred squaws, and
the Vermont ladies are madn
A BABY lately had the misfortune to
swallow the contents of an ink bottle.
Its mother, with wonderful presence of
mind, Immediately administered box
of steel pens and two sheets of foolscap
paper, and the child has felt aorite inside
ever since.
BELFAST has dog which goes for the
doctor, when anybody is sick, without
being asked. ave once had little
cur" says the Bangor Commercial, "that
would not only g. for the doctor, but
anybody else that passed the house, and
when no one was sick, either"
The Troy Times tells about French
physician who bleaches noses of BAG
chanalian hue by means of electricity.
This is the homeopathic treatment,
founded on the theory that like cures
like; for when noses have been red
dened by Jersey lightning, it ought to
be easy to bleach them by electrity.
A MAN in Florida, whose creditors
were numerous, was in the habit Of car
rying his unpaid bills in the breast
pocket of his coat. A few days ago a
rufian tried to stab him, but the bundle
of unpaid bills intercepted the knife
and saved his life. Moral: Don't pay
your bills, but keep them in your
breast-pocket.
DURING Prof. Rust's first visit to the
a." Nursery" in Louisville, he proceeded,
among other things, to give the little
ones a lecture on the Five Senses"
which was done to the apparent salts
faction of all except one little fellow,
who remarked, on the Professors re-
firing, ~ hain't seen nothin' of them
nickels yet"
The following pathetic note was picked
up on a Danbury, Ct, street: - Dear
Jane-I hope yeu amt mad because
didn't laff at you when you lafft at me
last evening at the post offs. | amt
prowd, dear Jane, but have got a bile
under my arm, and 1 can't laff as used
to as Heaven is my judge. Yours, truly,
Henry"
FIRST Stranger-I declare, sir, that
women are getting more outrageously
decoltay every day. just look over
there at that Prodigious old Porpoise
with the eye glass Second Stranger
H'ml Ha! Yesl can't help thinking
she's more festive-looking object than
that Funeral old Trump with the fan
First Stranger-Tke 'Funereal old
Trump is my wife, sirl Second Stran-
ger-The "Prodigious old Porpoise" is
minel Let's go and have some teal
UP in Vermont there lived a repro
bate family named Ransom. Once, how
ever, they we induced to attend a
meeting during revival. They came
late, and had hardly taken their seats
when the preacher gave out the hymn,
Return, We ransom'd sinners, home.''
"All right" said the old man, getting
up in rage and clapping on his hat.
"Come along, ole woman and gals, well
go home fast enough, and everybody in
this old church knows we didn't want
to come"