The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1872-02-09
OUR ANNUAL CALENDAR.

SnOWballIng IS epldemIca1 81 TINS pc /
Rod, and everybody takes it freely,
that dreadful animal known to natu-
ralists as the boy, being hilarious to
the top of his hilarity. Country cous-
ms beseige the city, and their martyr
ed relatives take them to the different
theatres till they (the relatives, not the
theatres) are black in the face, and the
country cousins, worn out with the
tremendous exertions, finally and hap
PLY die!
FEBRUARY comes simpering in, blush
ing celestial rosy red and bending
under the weight of a million valen-
tines, which she eestatically directs
till the 14th, and then Herewith inun-
date the Postofice, and make million
hearts throb pit-a-pats, two million
Of eyes glow and sparkle like incarnate
diamonds, and four million hands clap
their velvet palms together, in all the
rapture OF loves young dream
MARcH.-This month is sacred to
Julius Caesar, who sold the Hides of
March to a currier at Rome-nOt to
French courier. as incorrectly stated
by Prescott-and directly after leath-
cred the Britons, who lost many of
their Uppers, and also many of their
Lovers, and were struck to the sole by
the tanning they got. Bye and bye
Grant was born In this month, or he
wasn't-what does it matter for
where's the historian that sticks to
truth? He couldn't, its so disagree
able. But we are wandering. Where
are we? All! we see! no, we don't,
and as to what we were going to say
about March, you viii have the good
ness to return inexperienced to your
graves.
APRm.-Had it not been for April
we should never have had umbrellas!
This may seem bold statement; but
If you consult Herodotus (4th chapter,
197th verse of the Koran, you will see
that he does not, even dlstantly, al
lude to it. This should decide the
wager. Was there a wager? Well,
never mind, the matter is clear enough
to us, and if Adam and Eve did walk
about without umbrellas, In this show
crest of months, we are no longer at a
loss to conceive their bequest of rheu-
matism to suffering humanity. April
we love thee, but never more be officer
of oursl
MAY.-A good month for the Poles
who in the olden times did Ru HIN
business in this line. The first Duke
of Kent, observing the frantic manner
in which the Muscovians danced rounC
the poleicular constructions, placed hii
forefnger upon his noble borrow anc
first remarking, ''softl'' mo allusion tx
the occiput) continued, FHops, Poles
Poles, Hops. will plant poles, anC
the hops, like reading and writing
(only he didn't say that, will come b!
nature" They did they did!-granC
chorus by Morebeer-they did, anC
hence-Beerl Such is May.
JUNE.-The famous letters of June
Jus were written during this month
June is lovely month, take it for al
in all, or, as Thaekerary said of themai
who committed beericide-'"rake hin
for half-and-half, we meier shall lool
upon his like again - which he accord
ingly didn't, for he aYailed himself .
the o portunity of dying inmediatel!
after this; and therefore, if he didn'
write the letters of 5.Juneius, who did
We pause for a reply.
JULY.-Sacred to the Hottentots
and held In peculiar veneratloI
throughout the Hottoman Empire
Hotspur was born in this month, Mrs
Radcliffe also choosing this period o
the year for writing her "Castle o.
Hotranto.u July wears very few
clothes. passes most of her time IN the
sea. and is intensely exercised about
her back hair. She has a salty flavor
about her, and enjoys her weeds on the
beech, with the other swells and coves
as natural as you please.
AUGUST. Everybody lives miserably
and Professionally at the seaside, while
they might be happy in town, eat i'm
possible food, sleep or rather convo
Lutte on impossible beds, and lead gen
orally the wretchedest of lives, kne6l
ing down on the sands of time, anC
worshiping tradition and fashion Will
the ardor of dew tees and the uncom
planning fortitude only known to socl
ETY. a Ia mode, which viii die rathe
than not be de rig1tetr. But nothing
matters, nothing is, but what IS not
and if the August beings of society lik
to live in misery, so be it, and with al
our heart. We hate August.
September. grand procession o
oysters solemnizes this month, anC
oysters fried, stewed, boiled, raw, OF
the half shell and ''in every STYLE" a
the legends run, march stupid.
down the human throttle, and CRATE
full deglutition on the bivalve waits
everybody being oysterical and glory
ing in the fact. In the records Of oys
tery, we find no mention of this en-
trancing creature till the ninth centu
~, when Alfred the Great introduced
q singing oyster into the Danish camp
in the selfish desire of agrandiZing hi
own Saxonic self Members of thu
oysteronic art eat them largely.
OoroBER.-Called by the poets, whc
are-well, who are-ahem! called b!
the poets, brown russell mellow,
warm HILL 'harvesty, round
mooned,p and otherwise eloquent,
adjective oy that long-hair' d-bye tn,
bye, does poetry produce long hair, o
are Hyperion locks provocative of poe
try? Let the Ages answer! See! wha
we were going to say about October
We haven't the slightest idea, which
on the whole is rather an encouraging
dispensation, for the long-haired par
ties have October'd him to his heart
content. Req1tiescat IN pace.
NOVEMBER. venerable Bed,
died in this month, and his friends
promptly buried him, telling thei
Bedes with an alacrity highly discredi
table to the waves of friendship. IN
B.-What are the waves of friend
ship?) His memory is honored il
London, on the 9th of November, an
nually. a BedI being burnt IN Smith
field, to the great enjoyment of tn
populacel He was an Irish Saint orig
inally, his real name being Bede'ad
(See Froissart's Small Beer Chroni
eles.) He was, however, actually Dor
at Durham, and invented the notori
Gus mustard. We are happy to stat
that he is extremely dead.
DEcEMBER.- CHEEKY, bright, iovial
merry-making, stalwart, frosty, kindly