The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-12-04
THE NEW DEPaRTNEsT IL TBE
"s0RSISG GLORY"
sY MAX aDrLrE

. duu proprietor cl tHc -i4CTEtHg ftgFl
, having observed the disposition o
persons who have been bereayed 0
their relatives TO give expression Il
Their feelings in poetical form, re
fiected that it might perhaps be ,
good thing to introduce TO his pape
department of obituary poetry III
considered whether if when an indi
gidual inserted fifty cents worth O
death notice the establishment shoulc
contribute gralditOusly half-a-doliar'
worth Of mortality stanzas, bis pape
would not at once become the mos
popular vehicle for the conveyance 9
that peculiar form Of melancholy in
telligence TO the public And Ar
Brimmer rightly estimated that, a:
most newspaper readers take a deep
er interest in such sepulchral newi
than in information of any other kind
the Journal containing the largest sup
ply would have the greatest number
Of subscribers
So Mr.. Brimmer determined that
he would, as an experiment at any
rate, engage an obituary poet for a
short time, with the purpose to give
him permanent employment If the
plan seemed 10 take with the public
Accord qgly be sent for Mr.. Reming-
ton CIT, a constructor Of verses, who
had frequently contributed TO the col
umns Of the NorHiHg Glory poems
of what would have been considered
by fastidious student Of English lit
erature an apealling and revolutions.
" character.
Mr.. Brimmer soon Effected al ar
rangement with the bard BY which il
was agreed that Mr.. or should take
a position in the high o.iee for a short
time, and whenever a death notice ar
rived be should Immediately endeav-
or to grind out some verses express
i've of the situation.
You understand. Mr. Off," ex
planned Brimmer, that when the
death of an individual is announced,
| want you. as il were, TO cheer
the afflicted family With the resour-
ces of your noble art. | wish you 10
throw yourself you may say. into
their situation, and to give them a
verse or two about the corpse which
viii seem 10 be the expression n-of the
emotion of the hearts Of the living.
TO tighten the gloom, in certain
sense, Mr. 0tt"
Precisely Tighten the gloom.
Do not mourn over the departed but
rather take a joyous view Of death,
which, after all, Mr. Ott, IS, as il
were, but the entrance TO better life.
Therefore, | would advise yoa 10
touch the heart-strings of the afflicted
with tender hand. and endeavor,
for instance, to divert the mind from
contemplation of the horrors Of the
tomb
Refrain from dependency, ! sup
pose, and lift their thoughts to"
Just so, And ct the same time
combine eleyating sentiment with
such practical information as you can
obtain from the advertisement
Throw a glamour Of poesy, for in
stance, over the commonplace details
of the everyday life Of the deceased.
People are fond Of minute descrip-
tions. Some facts useful for this pur-
pose NAV be obtained from the man
who brings the notice to the Office
others you may supply from yoar
Imagination.
"I'll throw of stanzas, = said Mr..
0tt, "in such a manner that people
viii want their friends to die for the
sake of the poetry"
"But above all, continued the cd
itor. take bright view Of he mat
ter always. Make the sunshine of
smiles, as it were. burst through the
tempest of tears; and if we don't
make the Morning Glory hum around
among the mourners of this town,
NV name is not Brimmer."
He was right. Ii did hum.
The next day Remington Or went
on duty. and Brimmer ran down 10
the seashore for a breath Of fresh air.
All through the day the death-notices
came pouring in, and, when one
would reach OFT be would seize it and
study il up to ascertain the partiea-
lars. Then he would rush up stairs,
lock himself in his room, take down
his rhyming dictionary, run his fin
gers through his hair. and hack away
for half an hour at piece Of paper
until be considered that he had that
poetry in shape which would make
the stricken family feel proud Of the
corpse. When his days work was
done, OFT went home with conviction
that the Morning Glory had finally
robbed death of its terrors, and made
life comparatively vaiueless.
In the morning Mr.. OFT proceeded
calmly to the Office for the purpose Of
embalming in sympathetic verse the
memories of other departed ones. As
be came near to the establishment be
observed crowd of FIVE or SIX hun
dred people in front Of it, struggling
to get into the door Climbing a
tree, be overlooked the crowd, and
could see within the ofice the clerks
selling papers as fast as they could
handle them, while the mob pushed
and jammed and yelled in frantic et-
forts to obtain copies, the presses in
the cellar meanwhile changing away
ike mad. Upon the curbstone in
front of him there was a line of men
stretching down the street for tour
squares, each man engaged in reading
the Morning Glory with an earnest
ness that Mr.. OFT had never before
seen displayed By the patrons of that
sheet. The bard concluded either
that bis poetry had touched a sympa-
tbetic chord in the popular heart, or
that an appalling disaster had oc-
Cured in some quarter of the globe
He went aroupd to the back Of the
Office and ascended TO the editorial
rooms. As he approached the sane
tnm, loud voices were heard within.
Mr.. OFT determined to ascertain the
cause before entering. He obtained
a chair, and, placing it by the side
door, he mounted and peeped over the
door through the transom There sat
j. Alfred Brupner, holding the Horn
ing Glory in both hands, while the