The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1872-03-23
IFrom the New York weekly.1
THE JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS.
ANIMILEOLOGY.
THE PISS5fIRE.

TIE PISShIRE.
The pissmire il about 10 sizes bigger
than the ant, aktual measurement, and iz
q kind ov bizzy loafer among bugs.
They are like sum men, alwus very
bizzy about cum thing, but what it iz, the
Lord only knows.
/ never see pissmire yet that wasn't
on the travel, but hav watched them sll
day long, and never see them git tew the
place they started for.
just before hard shower they are in
the biggest hurry, they seem tew postpone
every thing fer that ockashun.
Thar IL a CRATE difference between
hurry, and dispatch, but pissmires don't
seem to understand the difference
If pissmires would 60 slower 1 should
like them better, for don't knew sV emmy
thing more unpleasant to view, than an
aktive loafer.
A plssmire IL like boys wind mill, on
the gable end ov smoke house, in gale,
the faster it gozs around, the less common
sense thare seems tew be in it.
If pissmires haint got destiny ov SUM
kind tew fill they wear out more shu
THE POLE KAT.
My friend. did yu ever examin the fra
grant pole kat clusslyi
l guess not, they are a kritter who
won't bear examining with microscope.
They are butiful beings, but oh how
deceptive.
Their habits are phew, but unique
They build their houses out ov earth
and the houses hav but one door tew them,
and that IL front door.
When they enter their houses they dent
shut the door after them.
They arc called pole kats bekause it il
net convenient tew kill them with a klub,
but with pole. and the longer the pole
the more convenient.
Writers on natral history, disagree
about the right length ov the pole tsw be
used, but | would suggest, that the psIe
be about 365 feet, espeshily if the wind il
In favor ov the pole kat.
When pole kat il suddenly waloped
with long psle, the first thing that he,
she, or it, duz, il tew embalm the air, for
meuny miles in diameter, with an akri
monious ollfaktory refreshment, which
permeates the ethereal fluid, with an en-
tirely original smell.
This smell IL less popular, in the fash
ionable world, than lubins ex!rakt, bu;
the day may cum, when it will be bottled
up, like musk, and sold for 81 I-2 cents
per bottle; bottles small at that.
A pole kat will remove the filling from
a hens egg, without braking hole in the
skell, bigger than a marrow fat pea.
How this il did, historians haY left u:
to doubt.
This IL vulgarily called 'fsurking eggs.
This IL an accomplishment known
amung humans, which it IL sed, they ha,
learnt from the pole kats.
Pole kats also deal in chickens, yum.
turkeys, and yuBg goslins.
They won't tutch an old goose, they
| are sound on that question.
Man IL the only pheIIow who will at
tempt tew blight into an old goose, ant
his teeth fly oPh CRATE menny times be
fore he loosens emmy ov the meat.
A pole kat travels under an alias, whicl
is called skunk. Thare IL a CRATE menn,
aliases that thare IL ne accounting Ger, ant
this IL one oV them.
bav kaught skunks in a trap. The,
are sazier tew git into trap than tsw gi
| out ov it.
In taking them out Ov a trap graft
judgement must be bad not few shak,
them up the more yu shake them up tht
| more ambrosial they am.
One pole kat in township is enuff
espeshily if the wind changes once in {
while.
A pole kats skin il wuth 2 dollars, il
market, after it IL skinned, but i; iz wutI
8 dollars and fifty cents tew skin him.
This IL one way tew make II shillings
in wet day.
THE wEAZEL.
The weazel haz an eye like hawk
and tooth like pickereL
They kan see on all three sides of 8
right angle tri angle board fence, at once
and kan bite thru side oy sole leather.
They alwus sleep with one eye open
and the other on the wink. and are quicker
than spirits ov turpsntine, and Lighted
match.
1t il no disgrace fer streak ov litenine
tew strike at weazel and miss him.
If owned weazle, litsning mite strike
at him all day for so cents clap.
I hav tried few kill them in a stun wal
with rifle, but they would dodge the
ball, when it got within six inches on
them, and stick their heads out ov anoth
er krack, three feet further oph.
They are the hardest kritter amung til,
small game tew ketch or tew kill, yu kan
coax one INTO trap, and keep him thare
emmy more than yu could ketch ray o,
light, with knot hole.
Weazles are skarse, but the supply
alwus equals the demand, they sint usefu
only for one thing, aud that il, too Kill
chickens.
They will kill IA chickens in one nigh
and take off the blood with them, leaving
the corpse behind. sf