Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1872-10-23

the cargo.
Kum-an-Semee is what a Troy to-
b%accOnist calls the big Indianin front
of his store.
In the Green Mountain State they
call an elopement suicide. He sued
she sighed.
If you let the cat out of the bag,
never try to cram it back again it
only makes matters worse.
An old lady, writing to her son out
West, warns him to beware of bilious
saloons and bowel alleys.
the conductors of Observation-Disclosures
cars paste up notices that they can not
wait for young ladies to kiss good-by
when they part.
A blacksmith in Essex, Pa, informs
his patrons in a notice that mo hor-
ses Will be shOd on Sundays, except
sickness and death"
The True Darwinism.-A Dung
ster Of literary tast.s described Oar
win as n who believed 1--WE degen-
Grated from a monkey"
There is more Truth than poetry in
the following line from an advertise
ment: babies, after having taken
one bottle ofmy soothing syrup, never
cry any more"
4 lively Hibernian exclaimed at a
party where Theodore Hook shOne
the star of the evening: "Oh, Master
Theodore, but you're The hook that
nobody can bate ~
The San Francisco Alta California
says th4t nearly every church in that
city has a Chinese mission school, and
that the average attendance is about
100.
The Chicago man who stepped be-
hind a pair of mules that he intended
to purchase, asked, with much feeling,
when he was picked out of the gutter,
IF the derrick killed anybody else"
A summer-boarder, of a Shakespe-
rian turns, says that his bed reminds
him of Richard Ill, because it is
'~'deformed, unfinished" and "scarce
halfmade up.
Mrs. Partington. in illustration of
the prOverb, "a soft answer turneth
away wrath" says, 1T is better to
speak paregorically of q person than
to be all the time iinging epitaphs at
him."
An idaho woman was ordered by q
physician to take three ounce of
brandy a dav, and knowing that six
teen drachms make an ounce, has pa
tiently been taking fOrty-eightd drinks
a day ever since.
There are only about 200 men dis
franchised in the United States, and
there are thirteen eX-rebel Generals
in Congress, and yet the venerable
hUmbug bellows for amnesty. What
is there that he can do that any South
ern imbecile can not do?
came for the saw, sir. What sau-
Ger {? why, the saw, sir, that you
borrowed. l borrowed no saucer
sure you did, sir; you borrowed 4 saw,
sir / never saw your saucer. But
you did; there's the saw now, sir
tOh, you a the saw &; why didn't
you say sO?.
ASunday school teacher who had
almost become discouraged over the
Iistlessness other class, at last felt re-
warded by an interesting look from a
little girl. The reward was lost when
the little creature touched a bracelet
on her arm, and asked, Teacher, are
them threaded on 'lastic."
"Humph ~ said an Englishman to
a Scotchman, as they were walking
over the fields, "oats are very good in
their way, but in England we feed
them to our horses, while here they
are food for men," An, lust see
what fine horses there are in Eng
land, and what fine men we have in
Scotland! u
The Greeley Republicans are very
scarce in Rhode Island. At the pri-
mary meetings in Providence, Friday
night, there were no meetings at all
in two war6s-at one, one nan ap-
peared and ordered the policeman to
! close the room; and in the other there
was but one spectator present to
keep the policeman company.
An item of news comes from Maine
which will make glad the hearts of
many aspiring Ome Last week
Mrs. Clara HapgOOd Nash, of Column
| bia Falls, was admitted to practice as
an attorney and councillor at law in
I the <ADIELnG lAuAGA&A LOAAA vi NAAG slNeAIs
This is the first case In which a wO-
man has gained full standing in the
legal profession in New England.
The following note, written to a
scho0lmate by a girl who has been
absent several days, illustrates the
sweet simplicity of childhood /:
DEAR SUSIE: 1 Shan't attend
school again until I Get some new
cuffs, collars and iewelry-dear Nam
ma agrees with me that it is my Doc
ty to take the shine out of that Up
start Many Jones and I'll do it if II
never learn nothing
The Charleston Is. c. Courier is
apnrehensivv thai ''the last yestige of
appear with the reelection of Gener-
al Grant. Whipping negroes, bur-
ming school houses, aud shooting
Federal officer will become o and
more dangerous, no doubt, and may
Ultimately take their places among
the lost arts of the gelloIious past
The medicine chest of one of the
abandoned Arctic whalers was broken
open by some of the natives, who, |
thinking they had found a prize, pro
.ceeded to swallow the contents of all
the bottles, The survivors describe
the result as. startling, for the dose
were too large for the constitution of
even All EsquimauX. Several of the
partakers died, and7otheTs wanted to,
but couldn't.
Violet ink is very appropriate for
the use of those deluded beings who
are engaged in writing love letters to
each other. bat for commercial purpO-
ses it has a defe t. a San Francisco
broker filled up some certificates of
stock with this uncertain fluid "A
short time ago. and placed them in a
window. One sunshiny afternoon
he found that every trace of numbers,
dates, etc, had been obliteTated by
the tight. For love letters, we re-
mark agsin, this would be 10 objec-
ton.
4 mai in Pennsylvania has inven-
ted a rat trap that is made to operate
unon the selfish passions of the poor
rat and lure him into trouble. The
Mechanic and Farmer. in a descrip-
ton OF the trap. says that the mirror
is set IN the back part of the device
beyond the bait, and as his ratship is
out on a fOraging expedition, he espies