Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1872-03-09
An Editors Experience on Ice.

I
I Crosse Democrdt and think our readers viii
thank us for allowing them to laugh with uF.l
"lRight beneathsne OF our windows from
morn till midnight. We se youngsters and old
siers twisting their legs in all kinds of con-
ceivsble shapes. We canno; pick up paper,
but an article on skating meets our eyes
Everybody says its fun, aid that's all every
body knows about it, for we,,.have, tried it,
Last night about gas time, after reading
glowing description Of life on skates, we pro-
pared for our fsst attempt, aud sailed forth to
join the merry crowd. We had ona pair Of
stoga boots, trousers tucked inside, Robert
tailed coat and . white hat. We went. down
to the ice, and gave boy two shillings in
shinplasters for The use Of his implements r
We, with assistance Of friend fixed on the
skates and stood erect as BARRIERS spclc. We
have confidence, even as Peters faith
Encouraged.at the sight of the. ladies on the
bridge looking at the skaters, We struck out
A slant to the right foot-a slant to he left,
aud just then We saw something on the ice, and
stopped over to pick it up.ls On Onr feet again
two slan,s to the right and one to the left, ac-
companed with loss of confidence. :. Another
stride with the left foot, and we sat down with
fearful rapidity, with very little ifany eegancol
What set down it was, for we made dent
in the ice not unlike a Connecticut butter bowl
Just then one Of the ladies remarked, "Oh,
Nary look, that feller with the white hat snt
got his skates .on the right placew Ditto
thought we. Just then ragged little devil
saDgout as he passed us. "Hellow, old lin
Der legs" and We rose suddenly and put..sftcr
him. Three slides to. the" rigbt-two to the
left, and away went our legs, one to the east
and the other to the west causing an immense
issuro in ourspants, and another picture Of
butter tray in the cold-ah! how cold ice!-
Then the lady, we know she was one by the
remark she made, again spoke and said" Oh,
look Mary, that chap with the white hat has
sat down on his handkerchief" We rose about
as gracefully as sawhorse, when Mary said,
Guess, tsint handkerchief, Jane, aud Mary
was right, it wasn't handkerchief-not bit
Of it. Just then a friend came along and
preferred his coat tail as "stoadier." We
accepted the continuation Of garment and up
the river We wontsabour ten rods, when shy
10 the right by the leader caused US, the wheel
horse, to shoot of on tangent heels upr But
ths ice is rery cold this season.
We tired it again. A glide one way, glide
and half the other, when 'wback' came our
bump ofphiloprogenitivehess'' on the ice, and
J we saw million Of stars dancing around our
eyes, like ballet girls at the. Bowery'theatro.--
How that shock went through our system, and
up and down our spinal conmn Lightning
could not have corkscrewed it down CREASED
sapling with greater speed and moro exhara-
ting effect. Boarding-house butter nor war;
rantee deed could not have stuck closer than
we did-and dozen ladies looking at us, and
at assured pants.
"Hellow, old cock, sang out that ragged
irnp again, and we were helpless Soon we
got up and made another trial with better sue
cess. Perhaps We bad skated in our peculiar
style fifteen feet, when blundoring chap came
up behind, aud we sat down with our tired
head pillowed 10 his lap--and he swearing at
US, whea !. was Lis own fault How cold tho
ice was there too Every spot where we made
our debut on the ice-how cold il was We
tried again, for the papers all say its fun, and
down came our Roman Grecian nose on the
cold julep material, and the little drops OF
crimson ran down Our shirt bosom on the cold
ice. Once moro we tried skatng-mado for
the shore-sat down and counted damages
Two sbilings thrown away. Seven lateral
and one fronternsl bumps, one immense fssure
in as handsome q pair Of ten dollar cassimeres
as man ever put bis legs in. One rupture
on the knee extending 10 the boue. -Four butt
tons from our vest, augmented watch cristal
and backachc big enough to divide among
the.children Of Israel. II you catch US on the
smooth, CLASSY, chilly, freezing, treacherous,
decitefnl, slippery, and slip-uppery ice again
you'll know it. If any one ever hears Of our
skating again, they will please draw on US at
sight for the bivalyes and accompanying docu-
nents. We have got through skating: It's a
humbug. It's a vexation ofspiIi., Of business,
Of flesh, and tear Of trousers It's head
humping, back-aching, leg-wearing, danger
GUS institution, and we warn people against
skating. We tried it and shan't be able to
walk for a month. Skating clubs are hum
bug aud all the rascally youngsters who wish
70 get the ladies at it. that they may see-if
they too don't say the Ice is dreadful cold -
It's nching to US, but the ladies will do well
to let skates alone unless they are younger and
more elastic than VIC arc. Oil how cold the
ice is. We can feel get.
There is a woman ia Rutland, Vt, who
ought to be retired. She attended the funerals
Of two Of her husbands, been divorced from a