The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1872-05-31
Varieties.


ALL time belongs to us, fer all time
is hours.
A WELL.BALANcED MAN-One with a
large bank account.
FRET woRK-Writing poetry. 5,
A CITY that scots everybody-Pitts.
burg.
GONE where white man can open
on Sunday" is the inscription left in
the window of deserted barber shop
in New Bedford, Mass.
New Music" Ought he to pull out
my curls ?' by the author of "Should
He Unbraid ?' Also, "Pretty Pussy"
by the composer of otis Sweet to
Rome.n n1g.t1 et1
WHEN the Prince de Condo was told
that his enemies called him deformity,
g How do they know that?' said he,
they have never seen my back" no
LORD BAYFIELD,, the Scotch Judge,
once said to an eloquent culprit at the
bar You're a clever chiel, mon, but
Pm thinking ye wad be name the waur
O hangin'."
"JULIUs, what is coroner?" "a
coroner, Mr.. Snow, is a man dat sits on
de people to see wedder dey killed
demselves or committed suicide" "And
what does he do when he finds out ?'
" Bring in de verdict" What's a
verdict?" "Why, long black pole,
painted white on de end-now hold
yer jaw, and don't bodder me any more"
In Whitley county, Ind, there is
new. tangled corn -dropper 1t drops
two rows and hunts ground squirrels at
do is to lean up against the tree and
sweat-until the horn blows.
AN Eastern exchange has this erratIsm:
In our paragraph yesterday. concern
ing thirteen ministers who had been
spanked in infancy, for spanked read
sprinkIed."
A CHICAGO congregation pricked up
its ears when the minister said: "
have land to SELL" but dropped off to
sleep again when he added: " the beau
tiful land on high"
WHATEVER God has made is per-
ltCN, Sdl'i a w toltlu plcdCItIs w ldI
do you think Of me?' said a lunch
back, rising and exhibiting his own de
formity. Why, that you are as per-
feet a hunchback as ever saw"
AN Oxford undergraduate mentioned
as the two cases OF speaking brutes re-
corded IN Scripture, Balaams ass and
the whale that said unto Jonah, " AL
most thou persuadest me to be Chris
tan
a LADY was asked by her Biddy about
the nature of the next world and
whether twas the same as this. The
lady, being blessed with happy family
of eleven children, has skeleton in
the house in the shape of stocking
basket that is never empty, and at
whose side she has spent many mid.
night hour in darning. With this
spectre before her eyes, she replied to
the girl playfully: /" don't think we
shall be required to darn stockings after
midnight" "Shure that's thrue for
you mum-for all the pictures of angels
| have ever seen were barefooted.'
A COUNTRY clergyman, paying a pro-
fessional visit to dying neighbor, who
was very churlish and universally un.
popular man, put the usual question
Are you willing to 60, my friend ?"
ooh, yes, said the sick man, 81 am"
"Well," said the supplemented minis.
ter, 81 am glad you are for the neigh
bors are willing"
A PRETTY, bright little Juvenile friend,
some five years of age, named Rosa,
was teased a good deal by gentleman
who visited the family he finally
wound up by saying, Rosa, don't
love YOU" "But you've got to love
me-" said the child. How o?' asked
the tormentor. Why said Rosa,
" the Bible says that you must love those
that hate you, and am sure that l hate
you =
NEW base ball club in Danbury, CT,
commences the season under the most
favorable auspices, having already Sc
cured twenty-five yards of court-plaster
and thirteen pairs of crutches.
A CoTEMPoRARY thus sensibly talks:
" How young men can consent TO loaf
about the corners as they do, when
good dose of strychnine can be bought
Tor siXpence, is really surprising"
A CITIZEN of Gosport, Mass, the other
night, mistook his wife's yeast bottle for
his favorite =" little brown Jug and
took "long pull and q strong pull"
therefrom. He is now regarded as a
rising man.
An Irish girl told her forbidden lover
she was longing to possess his portrait.
and intended to obtain il. " But how
if your friends see ~" inquired he.
" All but I'll tell the artist not to make
it like you so they won't know it,
YOUNG man in New Bedford bought
a steamboat ticket for Boston a few
days since, and went on board the ferry
boat. After waiting patiently for,an hour
and a half, and crossing the harbor
several times meanwhile, he inquired
hauv lonu hafora tho .yo,,ll