Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-09-09
Mr.. Wandle's Story.

Nov, 1 am not naturally a marrying
man. The simple fact that remained
a bachelor until I was thirty years of
age, without ever having made love to a
woman, proves that. 1 think. And I
might have remained a bachelor until
this day, if it hadn't been for that prop
erty that my father left me. I'm not
handsome. You smile, as if you doubt
ed my word, but I'll leave it to any wo-
man with well-balanced head. if ! am
not about the poorest specimen of hui
manity she ever saw. [ am not talented.
I haven't single talent for anything.
AS Professor Bumpheeler said when he
examined my head
"Mr. Wandle," said he, .you ask me
to give you chart, but you don't need
one. Yours is very serious case, he
continued, land [ feel almost inclined
to doubt the facts but phrenology nev-
er lies. The truth of the matter is this;
you're perfect -!' And the
chronological gentleman was right, Mr..
Dobson. l told him so, and gave him a
sdolskr for his honesty.
= Now with these facts before you, sir,
you naturally ask, why should any wofd-
an want to marry me? Why, for my
money, of course. They never thought
of throwing sweet glanees at me until I
became man of wealth. Then, sir,
when it became known that | counted
my money by thousands, every unmar-
ried female at Mrs. Hickorydickery's S
went for me- Miss Lute--she was a
faxen-haired creature, with blue eyes
and a milk-and-watery complexion
used to play for ME every night in the
parlor and she banged that poor piano
until there was no more music left in it
than there is in dry sink. Miss Bate,
she. was also blonde, and
Pale as the moon when first her silver beam
Steals through the envious curtain of a cloud
sang for me. Yes, she sang until she
was so hoarse that she couldn't speak
above a whisper. Miss Knott read po-
etry to me- Read it until she had ex-
hausted every native poet, and then, in
stead of commencing on the English
bards, she hired newspaper fellow tc
write sonnets to my eyes, and my nose,
and my beauty generally and she pub
| lished those sonnets under her own name
and then read them to me.
Miss Dott danced with me. Yes, We
waltzed and we waltzed, until one eve
ming the sweet creature slipped out O.
my arms, fell and broke her leg. Then
she was satisfied.
But the playing, the singing, the read
ing and waltzing were as nothing to on
thing more l had to undergo. Mrs
Hickorydickery used to fold me in he
arms and kiss me Yes, sir, / wa
obliged to be kissed, and by a woman
with red hair, for how could 1 help my
self? | was weak, and she was strong
But if she had not only kissed me,
might have been happy yet. But sh
wasn't satisfied with that. She alway
managed to have some one else in tn
room, and she always made them thin
that I was the affectionate one, that
was doing all the kissing. Of course sh
would handle me just like puppet, an
she'd say:
"Now Mr.. Wandle, you shan't kis
me, unless you are the strongest, an
[ know you are p
That was the way she did it, and
wasn't long before all my friends wei
bothering me about the lovely Wido
Hickorydickery, for they all thought
was really in love with her.
At last, one night the widow told n
that we had waited long enough.
Long enough 2" said l.
Eyes, Duncan. Why can't we |
married this fall just as well as to wa
until next winter?''
"Well, ma 'am," said I. won't yc
wait until | ask you to marry me %
"Ask me ! Do you mean to say tn;
you haven't asked me? Do you mea
to say
81 mean to say just this" said
starting up and looking as large and
fierce as [ could Il mean to say tn
[ never asked you, and | never inter
to ask you to become Mrs. Wandle p
q The widow smiled, and folded me
V her bosom.
Don't get angry, Duncan DEAR" S
said, "you know you are going to ma
: : ry me-
q ''Never p | cried
o "Then | shall sue you for breach
e promise p
"But haven't promised !"
J "We shall see, my dear p
Every well, we piH see."
t. "Good night, love-
" The next morning | called upon
7, lawyer and stated my case.
"Better marry her, said Mr.. Cog
- "She's got everything her own way, a
nn If you go to law about it, you'll lose
/ case, sure. But perhaps you can set
es with her for ten thousand dollars.
le YOU can. | advise you to settle. and