Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1872-03-20
Wit and HUnOr.


AMONG the warmest friends of the
one term principle are the convicts at
Sing Sing.
The man who was Hopen to convic-
ton" has been considerably "shut up"
since.
AS DICKENS worked in backing fac
tory when he was boy, it was natural
that he should shine afterward.
"WHAT are you doing?" said father
to his son, who was tinkering an old
watch. Improving my time, sir.
The man who could not 'Fshut his
eyes to the fact " has had them closed
up for him-and them have turned
! black.
LIFE is a contradiction! We send to
our butcher for sweet-bread; and if we
want a sweet-meat, we send to our
! aker.-F5@2
The proverb says: ''Hunger sweetens
beams" but venerable housekeeper
says she always found molasses best to
use.
A Boston lady having been asked if
she was an admirer of Trollope's nov
els, replied: eyes, [ have always been
a Trollopoger. ta
GOOD morning, gentlemen" says
bruSque colporteur on entering a rail
way car. No one responded. "Beg
pardon if I have said too much. I with
draw the last expression"
A MAN looking for a site for paper
mill has found one in an Iowa town,
where, he says, there are more rags in
proportion to the population than in
any other place he ever saw.
The gentleman who burned sulphur
in his cellar as a disinfectant has just
had his picture frames regilded. The
funeral of his wife's pet canaries was a
touching scene.
EVERYTHING points to an airly
Spring '-the geese stand on one foot,
and the bark on the north side of dogs
is thinner than usual. These signs
never fail.
A CHEERFUL giver puts the following
note in a pair OF pantaloons sent to the
Michigan sufferers: "There, take 'em; ;
last pair I've got. Don't get burned
out again."
PRETTY teacher" Now, Johnny
Wells, can you tell me what is meant
by mlracle?"
JOHNNY Yes, ma'am Mother says
if you don't marry our new parson, it
will be miracle"
) The Jacksonville (Florida) Union
gets off this religious joke on one of its
cOlored brethren who attempts to pray.
The good colored deacon was praying
for the recovery of a sick sister, and
ended this way: cob! Lord, help
her. Oh! Lord, make her well. Oh !
Lord, if you can't make her well, then,
Oh Lord, help her grin and bear it, .
, A GREENE county farmer recklessly
publishes the following challenge: I"
will bet $1225 that my hired man can
lake longer to go to the harvest field,
get back to dinner quicker, eat more,
do less, and bear down harder on the
panel of the fence, than any other hired
man within fifteen miles of the flagstaff
i'll Jefferson.
A SURGEON went to the side of an
ague patient in military hospital, and
inquired how he felt In the midst OF
a shivering chill the reply was, "No-
not q bit better" g am sorry:
but your case is a very peculiar one and
hard to get hold of, " said the surgeon,
sympathetically. "Ye-yes, said the
shivering soldier, 'that's-so; til tn
TIN ca--case shakes so yo-you can
It gi-get a hold-d of Utah" He
recovered.
: a REPORTER upon Western paper,
speaking of certain fair creature, re-
5 marked that "the profusion and color
, of her hair would lead one to look upon
: it as though it was spun by nimble fin.
gers of the easy hours as they glided
through the bright June days, whose
sunny rays of light had been caught in
the meshes and were content to go no
further" The girl had red hair; that
was all.
SOME wags were walking around an
agricultural implement store, and they
} CHANGED to see, in the rear, dressed
hog hanging by a hook to the wall.
= Ha ha! ha ~ cried theyto the young
man in attendance, twhat sort of an
agricultural implement do you call
that ~ "That," said he, "is patent
combined root-grubber, corn-sheller,
apple-grinder, gate-lifter, double-ac-
ton, back-spring, sod-plow; but
you won't want one, for it takes a
mighty smart man to manage EN-.
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