Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1872-06-07
HIS LAST STAMP.
BY MARK TWAIN,

LEoNIDAs LUNCH recently stepped into
dining-room, not more than hundred
rods from Franklin statue, and with com
posed but hungry countenance called for
a plate of hash in very genteel voice.
II happened, fortunately for him, that the
desired compound was not quite ready,
and one of the walters told him so, at the
same time handing him a paper, and
politely asking him to take q seat. Leon
idas did so, with grateful bow, at the
same time remarking he was in no hurry
and he was not, as will be presently
proven. He observed, as he was com
placently reading the last news of the
Alabama claims, that the waiter was
backing his own boots; which done,
Leonidas arose and asked for the brush
"just to rub bit of mud from my boots"
Taking the brush in one hand and the
backing in the other, in few moments
he had given his feet casing a brilliant
polish, and followed up his luck by lib
eral and adroit use of the broom brush
over his clothes. He took up the brush
and regenerated the nap of his sad silk
hat.
"Those hash are not quite ready yet,
are they n,.,he coolly inquired and being
answered in the negative, he said it was
no matter, "as he was not wanted at the
J
calmly surveyed the arrangements of the
place, and condescended the remark that
it was mot quite equal to the Metropoli-
tan or Delmonico's, still very neat-very
neat indeed"
Upon careful examination of his hands
he observed that the backing had soiled
them he proceeded to the wash basin, he
turned on the Croton, and, with free use
of scented soap he secured his face and
hands most thoroughly. Then he whisked
once white handkerchief, quickly
washed and wrung it, and returned it to
his hat TO dry. The waiter being busy
with other customers, took but little no.
tice of his maneuvres, and taking advan-
tage of this auspicious fact, Leonidas re-
moved the dirty paper collar and substi-
tuted clean one Immediately subse-
quent he had hold of a castor bottle con-
tanning sweet oil, and pouring out about
an ounce, treated his distracted head to
bath of it, and now before mirror he
made rapid and tasteful use of comb and
brush. Observing his movements, one of
the walters approached him with:
Have you given your order, sir ?"
soon"
"What dish was it, sir ?"
"Hash. A plate of nice hash, to be-
gin"
Leonidas now approached the counter,
where, seeing a case of fancy articles,
among them tooth brushes, he called for
one as if intending to purchase, and after
a long scrutiny selected one, at the same
time helping himself to pinch of snuff,
just as the proprietor was closing his
snuff-box. He now lightly stepped to the
wash-basin and gave his teeth such a
cleaning as few teeth can withstand, and
finished just as the anxious waiter hur-
ried breathlessly towards him, exclaim-
ing
hash"
LeOnidas laid down the toothbrush and
strobe With dignity to the table, where he
seated himself with a satisfactory "Ha!"
as if one of John Ludin's banquets had
been spread before him.
After one mouthful, "Here waiter" he
exclaimed, "fll this water pitcher and
bring me the walnut ketchLp." This
mandate being fulfilled he proceeded to
lay waste the hash. After finishing that,
with which he devoured half dozen
thick slices of bread and about a quarter
of pound of butter, he crumbled the re-
naming slices into tumbler of milk, the
pitcher happening to hold about two
quarts. Seeing nothing else to eat on the
table but plate of pickles, he swallowed
them all regardless of curds, probably
considering that he had stomach enough
for anything
BY this time Leonidas Lunch appeared
to have got quite comfortable, for, fitting
his chair back against the wall, crossing
his legs and folding his hands, he fell into
snooze, having achieved one of the
cheapest dinners on record. In a little
while he began to snore harmoniously re-
sounding blasts of victory.
81 say Jack, said one waiter to another,
''who is that snoozer out there agin the
wallg"
az don't know. Thought you did, he
makes himself so much at home. He
called for plate of hash about two hours
ago. Said something about not being in
hurry to go to City Hall. Clerk, per-
II noticed he swallowed all the bread
and milk and pickles, and thinned that
butter down"
"What makes him snore so ?"
81 s'pose it's the pickles quarreling
with the milk"
At this moment Leonidas sneezed with
such violence that his chair tilted for
ward, and he awoke amidst peal OF
laughter from the walters-the customers
having long before gone about their busi'
ness
"Had good sleep, sir ~ gravely in
quired a waiter, as Leonidas strobe up to
the counter to settle for his hash.
"SleepY Me? Yes, / believe | did
doze little. Ten cents, believe ?"
For the hash ?" said the clerk, laying
parti sular emphasis on the word,
"Ye-e-e-s," said Leonidas, airily, strok
ing his English whiskers. "One plate
only, believe, for the hash ?"
"Ten cents plate for hash only" re-
piled the clerk, winking slyly to the wait
ers, who were making all sorts Of grim
aces.
Leonidas put his hand IN his pocket
and, after fumbling a while, he drew on
from corner dilapidated ten.cen
stamp, so wretchedly witbered and de
faced--such mutilated evidence of thu
evils of civil war-that the clerk started
aghast at the sight
"That amt worth more than tiv'
cents" said he, feebly. at looks sick
had the small pox, or must have been bad
ly Vaecinated
30, never mind" said LeOnidas, witt
lofty c9relessness and yawning 60 shal
come In and take dinner here every day
I'll pay you the other five cents next time
like your hash, and when like plac,
stick to it,"