The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1872-06-14
Varieties.

man in the moon? Because he has
beer to sea.
WHETHER a woman should " bemoan
her lot " or not depends entirely on its
location and size.
A CALIFORNIA man was thrown out OF
bed by the earthquake. lie doesn't
consider il fair shake.
THE best way to use the maidstone so
as to fend of hydrophobia is to throw IL
with great violence at the dog before he
bites you.
MISTER, where are you gong with
that horse ?'' asked gentleman OF
suspicious looking man whom he met
on horseback. Well / hain't going
anywhere with him." said the other,
"but he is going somewhere with me.
spray bestsw your charity, young
gentleman, on poor blind man," sad
a beggar to person passing by III
you are blind, my good fellow, how did
you know that | was youngY TN,
sir, made mistake" said the beggar;
"pray, give trife to poor dumb
man y
A MAN sold farm few days since as
perfectly level" The buyer. went to
look at it, and found mounta n on 1t.
" But" said the man, the land will be
perfectly level-after you take the hill
away; | sell you the level land under
meath and throw in the mountain"
A KENTUCKY entcmologist has kept
two vigorous mosquitoes under an In
verified tumbler for six months without
food, and they remain in healthy con-
dition. This clearly proves that their
ANNOYANCE of mankind is entirely un.
called for, and not at all necessary Tor
their subsistence.
Ina recent debate, a member of the
California Legislature exclaimed 1.-The
honorable gentleman from Calaveras
county is undoubtedly person of great
Abilities man Of talent-a natural
born genius; but there is one thing |
defy him to do, and that is, to bite the
bottom out of frying-pan without
shutting his nose"
THIS is Rochester receipt for making
soup: Take pail of water and wash
it clean. Then boil it till it is brown on
both sides. Pour in one bean. When
simmer. If soup won't simmer It's too
rich. Pour in more water. Dry the
water with towel before you put 1t IN.
The dryer the water the sooner 1t
browns. Simmer the soup until the
bean bursts laughing. Then add some
water and serve hot at twenty five cents
bowl.
A TEXAN tells this story of lost oppor-
tunities Now, you see" said he,
land was cheap enough at one time In
Texas. | have seen the day when |
could have bought square league OF
land, covered with fine grass and tim
Der, for a pair of boots" And why
didn't you buy it 2" asked his compan
ion. Didn't have the boots" said the
Texan.
AN intelligent graduate of Massa-
chusetts school told the examiner that
(" Esop was the author of Latin fables
covered with hair, and sold his birth
right for mess of potash"
MAN equipped with saw, an axe,
and bucket, leaped from moving
train at Oldtown, Me-, and the excited
imagination Of the Bangor Wing re-
porter depicted him as revolving
through the air with the aforesaid i'm
plements sailing around him like the
moons around Jupiter"
A GENTLEMAN, while making a speech
in Lawrence, Mass, the other evening,
inadvertently stepped forward and of
the platform. To the peals of laughter
that greeted his unlucky fall, he claimed
that any speaker had right to come
down TO the level Of his audience"
A YOUNG lady seeking situation was
interested in an advertisement for some
one to do light housekeeping. So she
wrote to the advertiser asking where
the lighthouse was, and if there was any
way of getting to shore on Sunday.
IN one of the suburban schools of
Dover, n. H., the committee man put
out the word "psalter to class in
spelling. 1t was a poser TO all till it
reached the foot of the class, when a
curly. headed little fellow spelled it cor
rectly, and being asked to define it,
shouted out, moro salt"
" PETER, what are you doing to that
boy p said schoolmaster. 4" He wanted
to know if you take 10 from II how
many will remain; so | took ten of his
apples TO show him, and now he wants
me to give 'em back" "Well, why
don't YOU do it?" 'Coz, sir, he would
forget how many is left"
The pun fend is again on the war
path. Here is his latest effort: Why
is an egg produced last month like a
native of Malacca? Because it is a
May-lay
An old topper was brought before the
Omaha Police Court few days since to
answer to the charge Of drunkenness,
and pleaded the constitutional provision
that he ought not to be tried twice for
the same otfense, asking the Judge if
there wasn't something OF that kind in
the law. The Judge said there was.
"Then," said the inebriate, Z" if you'll
send down to Lincoln and bring Gov