Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-12-13
HumOr.

HumOr.
The man who ran up bill has come
down again.
It is not true that O'Conor will contest
Grants election.
Many plain young ladies live and become
prstty-old ones.
Query.-It is all very we'll to say, ..Take
things as they come"-but suppose they
don't come?
A lady rather inclined to hirt, says most
men are like cold-very easily caught, but
very difficult to get rid Of
An Illinois minister reproved some lads
who were playing cards in church by some
timely remarks regarding the last trump
St. Paul schoolmasters have become 50
tyrannical that they won't allow BOYS to car.
~ bowie-knives and revolvers any more.
The bearer of an important Temperance
communication to this paper, yesterday, was
industriously chewing coffee -Erchanqe.
Boston shops boys manifest becoming
pride. "Did you zee your store burn, 10 %
said one of EN-; "golly didn't it go bully %
There is one comfort left US, anyhow
We konw how to beat Grant next time.
Well nominate charlottesville Courier
Journal.
Chicago has a petrifed baby. It was
Terrified With astoDishment at seeing its own
father and mother get through one day with
cut quarrelirg or threatening divorce.
Young ladies with tracts for distribution
are NO longer to have the entire to the St.
Louis Jail, as the Warden says they've
abused the the privilege by flirting with the
prisoners.
Fashion reporters announce that satin
dresses are to be worn no longer BY brides.
They couldn't well be wern any Logger than
they have been without tripping up every one
in the room.
Do you think Jonah cried when he was
in the fsh's belly?' was the question
put on an oily seaman by sleek qusr
ist. Don't know" replied Jack, ..but
should think not, as there was plenty Of
blubber without his'n."
The poet of the Lynchburg Neaos hasn't
been particularly lucky. In an ode to bis
girl he says: "Keen is your sorrow; but
keener is my grief" The compositor, who
lost undcrmost nickel on the top row the
night before, set it up, '.but keno is nv
grief"
L T. is dangerous to be highly "spoken of
in Cincinnati. A baby was left at rich
mans door, the other night, with note
saying: "Having heard you very highly
spoken of and also that you were extrsya.
g.ntly fond Of babies, have brought YOU
this treasure
A Terre Haute boy of tender years and
hearthas drowned seventeen kittens, tied
pans to the tails of nine dogs. brushed his
fathers new silk hat against the grain, and
blown up pet canary with fire cracker in
the last month, and still bis mother intends
him for the pulpit.
A musician, whose nose had become dis
tinctly colered with the red wine he was
won't to imbibe, said one day to his little son
at table: "You must eat bread, boy bread
makes your cheeks red" The little fellow
replied Father. what lots of bread YOU
must have snufaed up!"
Under the head of fashionable Intelligence
an exchange gives the following Ladies'
bustles will be enlarged at the end of the
present month, by the addition of one more
newspaper. The engagement season has
opened we'll and there is good reason to be.
lieve that the services of our parsons will be
in demand"
A Louisville man who had only been &C.
qu.inted with his girl two nights attempted
to kiss her at the gate. In bis diving demo-
sition he told the doctors that lust a. he
"kissed her, the earth slid out from under
his feet, and his soul went out of bis month
while his head touched the stars" Later
dispatches show that what allied him was the
old mans boot.
1t is reported that man fell from the ton
Of four story building, in New York the
other day, to the stone sidewalk b.neatb
without being injured in the least. He was
. life insurance agent, aud struck on bis
cheek. At the time of bis fall he was lean.
ing over the edge of the roof, showing bis
papers at painter whom he had freed on a
swinging scaffold underneath.
A young and pretty girl stepped into a
store where spruce young man, who had
long been enamored. but dared not sneak
stood behind the counter selling dry goods.
In order to remain as long as possible. sbe
cheapsned everything at last che said ~
believe you think [ am cheating vou y ..Oh
no." said the youngster, .'to me YOU ara al.
ways fair" "Well," whispered the ladv
blushiug, as she laid an emphasis on the
word, 81 would not stay so long bargaining if
YOU were not 30 deor.'
A Jersey paper tells a very interesting
story Of a little boy in that State. He was
picked up and carried to the house in an in.
sensible condition. After watching bv hi.
bedside through many weary hours bis
mother perceived signs of returning con.
seriousness. Leaning over him she asked if
there anything She could do for him, now |
that he began to feel better Should she
bathe his forehead, or change bis pillow. Or |
fan him :? Was there anything be wanted
Opening bis Q, es lsnguidly. and looking at