Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1872-03-14
Wit and Hum0r.

Wit and Humor.
AMONG tho warmest friends Of the
one term prinoi pie are tho convicts at
Sing Sing.
THs man who was "open to convic-
ton" has been considerably "shut up"
since.
AS D1oK1Ns.:worked in blaokinx fac
tory when he was boy, it was natural
that he should shine afterward.
t'WHAT are you doingY" said father
TO ms son, who was tinkering All old
watch. "1mproving my time, SIR"
THE man who could not "shut his
eyes to the fact has had them closed
up for him-and them have turned
LIFE 10 contradiction We send to
our butcher for sweet-bread and If We
want a swset'meat, We send to our
baker.-FHn.
The proverb says: "Hunger sweetens
beans;" but q venerable housekeeper
says she always found molasses best to
use.
A BosToN lady having been asked If
she was an admirer of Trollope's nov.
ele. replied: eyes, I have always been
a Trollopoger."
FoR men of metal-an iron will,
silvery voice, plenty Of brass, and lit.
tie tin, are sure to meet with golden
opinions.-J.tly.
A MAN looking for site for paper
mill has found one in an Iowa town.
where, he says, there are more rags ia
proportion to the population than in
any other place he ever saw.
TH gentleman who burned sulphur
in his cellar ~ disinfectant has just
had his picture frames regilded. The
funeral OF his wife's pet canaries was .
touching scene.
EVERYTHING points TO an airly
Spring the geese stand on one foot,
and the bark on the north side of dogs
is thinner than usual. These signs
never fail.
A oaE1R1uL giver puts the following
note in q pair Of pantaloons sent to the
Michigan sufferers: "There, take 'em;
last pair I've got. Don't get burned
out again."
PRETTY teacher" Now, Johnny
Wells, can you tell me what is meant
by miracle7"
johnny" Yen, ma'am. Mother says
if You don't marry our new parson, it
will be miracle"
The Jacksonville (Florida) Union
gets off this religious joke on one of it's
colored brethren who attempts to pray.
The good colored deacon was praying
for the recovery of sick sister, and
ended this way: "Oh! Lord, help
her. Obi Lord, make her we'll. Obi
Lord, if you can't make her we'll, then,
Obi Lord, help her grin and bear it, "
A CREME county farmer recklessly
publishes the following challenge: II
will bet SLABS that my hired man can
lake longer to 60 to the harvest field,
get back to dinner quicker, eat more,
do less, and bear down harder on the
panel of the fence, than any other hired
man within fifteen miles of the flagstaff
in Jefferson.
A SURGEON went to the side of an
ague patient in q military hospital. and
inquired how he felt. In the midst of
q shivering chill the reply was, "No-
but your case is very peculiar one and
hard to get hold Of" said the surgeon.
sympathetioally. "Ye-yes," said the
shivering soldier, "that's- SO; tn TIL
TIN ca-case shakes 90 yo-you can
II gi-get . hold-d of Utah" He
recovered.
A R1PoRTER upon q Western paper,
speaking of q certain fair creature, re-
marked that "the profusion and color
of her hair would lead one to look upon
it 40 though it WAS spun by nimble fin.
gers of the easy hours ~ they glided
through the bright June days, whose
sunny rays Of light had been caught in
the meshes and were content to 60 no
further" The girl had red hair; that
was all.
OLIVER WEHDEI1 HOLMES, the doctor
who gives people fits-of laughing,
sent . letter tO the postof1ce of La
dies Fair at Pittsae1d. On the first
page he wrote:
Pair LADY, whoeo'er thou art,
| In5n th's poor ieaf with tenderest caro-,
Tho one thou lowest vii b there"
VI turning tuo pOOT 4e61 tneEe
was found one dollar bill, with some
verses beginning:
" Fair lady, Lift thine syes and tell
# this IL not . truthful letter,
This IL the one ~ thou lowest we'll.
Som wags were walking around ar
agricultural implement store, and they
CHANGED to see, in the rear, . dressed
hog hanging by q hook to the wall
"Ha !! he! al" cried they to the young
man in attendance, "what sort of ar
agricultural implement do you cal
that ." "That," said he, sis patent
combined root-grubber, corn.sheller
apple-grinder, gste-ifter, double-ac
ton, back-spring, sod.plow; bu,
you won't want one, for it takes q
mighty smart man 70 manan.a ,am -