The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1872-03-15
PLAIN DEALER,

ming, and begins at the last.
Out West the new synonym for ere
firing is "Colfaxing." Parents no
longer admonish their children that it is
"time to 60 to bed," but tenderly
observe, "My darlmgs, it is time you
Colfaxed.
The Washington radicals of the Grant
school are daily becoming more alarmed
at the Presidential outlook. The indi-
cations arc that Grant will certainly
contribute the next hide for the process
Of political tanning.
Yon should not stone your neighbor,
but you may rock his baby.
What did Lot do when his wife
turned to salt? Got fresh one.
An exchange says: "All the West
ern trains except george francis are
stopped by the weather.
A Connecticut farmer has named a
prize rooster Robinson, because Robin
son Crusoe.
An Iowa editor recently announced
that certain patron Of his was "thiev-
ing as usual" He declares he wrote it
thriving.
An Iowa preacher charged $3 for
praying at the grave Of a pauper.
An Illinois minister reprovcd party
Of lads who were playing cards in church
by some timely remarks regarding the
last stump.
What is the difference between half
a glass of water and broken engage
ment?-One is not filed full, and the
other is not fulfilled.
A Jealous prohibitionist, on being
asked why he signed every pledge that
was presented to him, gave as a reason
that if he broke one, he would have the
rest to fall back on.
The Baptists Of Lafayette, Ind, are
at loggerheads on the question: "Shall
the blocks for the Nicolson pavement be
sprinkled or immersed" Work is
stopped until the question shall be de-
cided.
An extravagant and unprinciplel
family of mice out in Berlin, Wis,
made their nest of greenbacks, pilfered
from the money drawer Of thrifty
storckeeper. They should start
reform movement out there.
An ill-natured contemporary says that
Rhode Island goes for narrow-guage
railroads because she wants both rails to
lie within her own territory.
A Good Reason. said Sneaxby
the other day, "have never been known
to turn my back upon any of my
friends" That fact" said Jack
Grinham, "you know better; for if you
did, they would at last get an opportu-
nifty to give you kicking.'
The Syracuse Standard (radical) is
mean enough to suggest this ticket:
For President, General Grant; for
Vice-President, General Orders
Patience on monument" has no
reference to doctors patients. You
will find them under monument.
If you want to talk heavy science,
say "protoxyd Of hydrogen instead Of
ice. 1t sounds bigger, and not one
man in thousand will know what you
mean.
Josh Billings says; "Success don't
konsist in never making blunders, but
in never making the same one the SEX
ond time
When a respectable" woman goes
to a store and takes things, she is
merely afflicted with "kleptomania' -
poor thing! but when the offender
is person Of miserable surroundings,
we call it stealing
Mr.. W. B. Lacy, of Prairie du Chen
has been placed under bonds by the
editor of the Courier, for, as a rival
editor puts it, "making an exhaustive
verbal analysis of that gentleman's
character" to said gentleman's face.
"Mister, how do you sell sugar to-
day." "Only twenty cents pound,
SIR" Cant give it. I'll drink my
coffee without sugar, and kiss my wife
for sweetening. Good day sir" "Good
day. When you get tired Of that kind
of sweetening, please call round again. .
II will" lie called next day.
During recent cold snap county
court in Texas had to adjourn until the
county could borrow FIVE dollars of the
DenutY Sheriff tn hnu fuel for haatinr