The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1872-02-08
Extraot from Mark Twaips Lecture.

An exchange gives the following report of the
opening remarks in one of Mark Iwain's lee
lures, by which it will be observed that the no.
ted humorist is an excessively modest individu-
al:
Ladies and Gentlemen BY request of the
chairman of the committee, who has been very
busy, and is very tired, l suppose, j ask leave
to introduce to you the lecturer of the evening,
Mr.. Clemens, otherwise Mark Twain, a gentle
man whose historical accuracy, whose devotion
to science, and whose veneration for the truth
(laughter) are only equaled by his moral char
acter and his majestic presence; (Renewed
laughter.) T-refer these vague general terms
to myself (Giggling.) am little opposed
to the general custom of tremendously intro
ducing the lecturer to the audience, because it
seems to me unnecessary where the man has
been properly advertised (laughter,) and be-
sides, it is very uncomfortable for the lecturer.
But where it is the custom, an introduction
ought to be made, and l had rather make it
myself in nv own case, and then can rely on
getting in all the facts. Continued laugh
teri
II tis not simple introduction that mind.
don't really care for that at all, but it is the
compliments that sometimes go with it-that is
what hurts. Ii would make any one uncomfor.
table, You can fancy young lady introduced
to parlor-full of company as the best conver-
section of the country. You might just as we'll
knock her in the head. She would not say a
word the rest Of the evening.
never had but one public introduction that
seemed exactly the thing; that seemed to be
very inspiration in the way of an introduction.
The gentleman had good head, and he said he
supposed / didn't want any compliments.
said he was exactly right, didn't want any
compliments. And when he introduced me he
said, "Ladies and gentlemen, / shall not waste
any unnecessary time in the introduction. /
don't know anything about this man (laugh-
ter y at least I only know two things about
him; one is that he has never been in the pen
itentiary, and the other is 1 can't imagine
why" Prolonged laughter.) Now such an
Introduction puts man right at once. Laugh
ter)
In his lecture on Artemus Ward, Mark
Twain tells the following:
When Artemus was very young, he and O
companion got hold of a pack of cards and
learned to play euchre. Artemus was perfectly
fascinated with the game, and played it as Of
ten as he had an opportunity; but it had to be
done on the sly, and he had to hide his cards
from his parents. So, when he was looking
out for place to hide them, the boys thought
the safest place where they could put the cards
was in the pocket of the minister's black gown,
under the very egs of the church. | don't
know what egis means, but it's good word
and suppose it's all right. Well, the old
minister was called on to baptize convert, and
as he went down into the water wearing gown,
the cards began to come up to the surface and
float off, The boys, who were on the bank
watching, though in great fear, kept their eyes
on the cards. As it happened, there came up
first two bowers and three aces. Of course the
boys were thrashed, and an old aunt of Arte-
mus proceeded to lecture him on the enormity
of the crime. "Why," said she, "just imagine
how the poor man must have felt when he saw
the cards coming up! l should have thought
he would have tainted, and don't see how he
got out" "Well," said Artemus "I don't see
how he could help going out on such hand"