The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1872-01-19
PLAIN DEALER,

A western editor informs a CORES
pendent that the words "uo cards
accompanying . marriage notice sig
Nifty that the welded pair don't play
poker.
Chief Justice Chase is buying up
Rhode Island. He has already pur-
chased 6ve acres, and is keeping a
sharp eye on the other fifteen.
Open air and cold water are recon-
mended by celebrated physician as
the best cosmetics for the complex
ion. ..... ........
A boys paper in Boston advises the
Humane Society to arrest all persons
in the city who bottle catsup.
Il is said of Mr.. Greedy that once
1t the marriage Of two favorite young
ao4uaintances of his, in bis congrat-
ulations he honestly said he hoped all
their troubles would b. little ones.
A Louisville amendment fell head
foremost into an ice-cellar, and his
frightened employer, fastening to
the spot, found him sitting disconso
lately on the fragments and exclaim-
ing-'.Fo' de Lord, boss, Use sorry
I broke dat ice, I is, sartin."
Mark Twain says: II am differ
sut from Washington; Ihave high
er and grander standard Of principle.
Washington could not lie. I lean lie,
but I won't.
The Courier Journal says it is un-
dsrstood that, if Bowen fails to secure
DeLarge's seat in Congress, the
President will retain him as special
counsel to prosecute the Mormons
for bigamy. ~
There is no see side for the blind.
The best counter sign-:'No
trust" @
Tit for Tat-It is beauty's privi-
lego to kill Time; and, in revenge,
Time kills beauty. e
Does the "pale of glo ON" mean what
Artemus Ward called q "bucket of
sorrow?"
Grant 10 determined to reform the
civil service, if turning every man
who is opposed to his election out of
Office will do it. -
Mark Twain declares that, as he Is
worth million and a half Of dollars,
he will not lecture after this season.
We shouldn't-if We had as much
money az he has, and couldn't leo.
turs any better than he can.
A pretty, rich young widow was
regarding herself lately At a mirror
in her chamber, while for the first
time trying on her widows cap.
Behold" she exclaimed, "the real
cap ofliberty."
Why is q mans life safest before
he has had dinner? Because he can't
di-gest then.
We heard of a man the other day
who is so mean that when be weeps
he saves the tears to secure the
salt. #z
A woman Of twenty is said to be A.
mature in her ideas and manners as
. NAN Of twenty-five or thirty. gs
A newspaper is the literature of a
million. One man in q hundred reads
: book; ninetynins in hundred read
. newspaper. 1..a
"Honpeck" is the name Of a post
office in Alexander county, Illinois.
It does but . small business, as the
mails avoid it.
We hear . great deal about labor
reform, but there seems to be great
or need Of reforming some of those
fellows who don't labor.
A Doctor having just asked his
patient chow his vaccination took?"
the latter replied, my arms are
very sore" Then said the doc
tor, you are to be pitied but not to
b pitted."
There il nothing known Of the ex-
oarpet-bag Governor of Georgia. He
is fugitive from justice, but as his
name 10 not Tweed, there is no
mention made of the fact in the tels-
graph dispatches.
Politeness is like an air-cushion;
there may be nothing init. but it
eases our jolts wonderfully.