The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1872-02-20
THE BOOK AGENTS FATE.
From the New Orleans Times

They found two nail kegs full of
minced woman down at the depot the
other day They thought it was chop
ped meat for mince-pie at first, but when
they found some hair pins and garter
mixed up in it,, tic truth scrt Of dawned
On them. And when they fished ont
tongue that wouldn't keep still, you uD-
derstand, they caught the idea with great
facility.
l can tell You aboutth thing, because,
you see,I did she mincing up of the lady
myself. got her into lnincing sort of
a way that she'll never get out of as long
as she lives. You can het the maximun
of height with the minimum of safety
on that point. This is the way the thing
happened:
l was picking my teeth on the Fifth
avenue hotel steps, after eating twenty
cent dinner over in Third Avenue, as is
my custom of an afternoon. There
came by a rakish craft. She scudded
along under 4 closely reefed hustle and
tolerahly bare poles. The wind was a
nor nor wester, and it struck her aft,
making fearful havoc with her canvas-
She wore the new style of metal gartcrs
with gilt clasps. will take my oath,
you observe, of that. She signalled ME
with her off eye, and l bore down upon
her. had thrown overheard about
seven words, when she interrupted me
by yanking big book out of her bus
tie, or somewhere. "Here is something"
she warbled, (which I'd like to. SHOW
you. 1t is called the History of Chris.
tianity in the Feje Islands, by the Rev.
Peter Poridge 1t is illustrated by ten
thousand pictures, just engraved by the
old masters, and bound with calf-skin.-
1t is the greatest work ever written You
can't afford to be without it. Children
cry for it. The price is only seventeen
dollars. l vii. put your name down,
and
"False woman shrieked; ''away
You have deceived poor, weak, trust
ing man. You are book agent Be.
ware, woman. although unmarried, /
will defend myself to the death"
Then fed.
But the creature, you comprehend, WAS
like the itch, or bad conscience, or a
washerwoman's bill-not to be 80 easily
got rid of She dogged my footsteps
like divorce detective. She lowered
over me like an avenging spirit She
laid for me when / went to my meals, in
me at nv Office, and bored me
at every point. Life seemed a burden,
and l would have bydrate of.chloraled
myself only l knew that misguided wo-
man would have followed me into eter.
nifty, and have commenced to canvass
the land Of eternal warmth for her bias
ted book. know some good fellows in
the summer land, and wouldn't like,
you understand, to precipitate horrible
fate upon thsrh.,. ;.
l disguised myself as a hackman, as
an organ -grinder,as minister-put my.
self in the most humiliating positions,
you observe-but it wasn't any use Be
sure that female wickedness found me
out. At last meandered down by the
sad sea waves,and was happy for time
Days sped by-at fifteen or twenty dol
lars each-and l was beginning to for.
get the book agent.
One evening l wandered on the sand
ed beach in the mellow moonlight. II
suppose that is the correct Long Branch
thing to do. l met lovely creature in
white tulle, or cotton sheeting, or some
thing. l took her for moonbeam first,
you comprehend, and my heart bumped
with admiration. firted with the ethe-
real heiter, and we sat on damp rock
very close together My arm got around
her waist, and we we're having a nice;
comfortable time You possibly know
how it is yourself
''Fair stranger" murmured, "dost
love thus 70 squat on the primeval rock,
and commune with nature p
She said she did.
"Couldst thou leave the allurements oil
art, and live always amidst the flowers
and the trees of the moonbeams ?"
She said she could, 49,.
"Whv so silentf' asked, softly pres
sing her hand. "Dost aught disturb the
harmony Of thy souls anything but
admiration for this scene in thy heart ?"
She said there was.
"Here is something" she broke out,
pulling out ten pound volume from
"that I'd like to show you.
1t is called the History of Christianity
liz the"
I recognized her She was that infer
nal book agent drew my trusty jack
knife, and smote her thus! Then / elab.
orately carved her,packed her as describ.
ed, and now there is an eternal peace
within my soul.
TITUs A. BRICK.