The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1872-01-19
IEUxslROtlS.

/ = Il Is
Tile Boston Times, has discovered
tlrt tie passive p0iiticiansn are
| first cousins to tile s'inasterly Inactive
hess
4 Why are waSherwonan the silliest
OF peorley BccaHse they put out
their tubs to catch soft water when
4 itEliAs hard. ,-----,-.- --,-.-----,,-----.--.-.--.
| What Is the difference between n
| hill and n pilts One il hard to grt
up and the other ii hard to get dowa.
| Tcaeher-"Char,es what do You
| know of Napolcony" Charles "ITe
[,bcgins witha big n and ends witlla
| little, ~
Leap year takes its name from the.
fact that those who marry dining that
4 year generally sleap ont Of the frying
| pan Into tile fire.
Teiclicr-",Jaile Smith, What Ii a
ElaIsiss,l,s', III
Jane Smith-'.A parasoI Il fling .
70 keep the sun OIL, used BY ladies made
OF cotton and wllalebone. I
Hood said he WAS forced to make
broad grins under narrow circtnllstall-.
css, and to be a live Hood for alive.
lihood. -
\ physician has discovered that the
nightmare, in nine eases ont OF ten, I.
produced from owing bill to the
printer.
Which, my dcrr lady, do You
think the merricst pace In the world?"
"fllat Immediately above the atulos-
phcre that surround, the earth, /
should think "And why SOP ''Be-
cause ! am told that there all bodies
lose their gravity"
Boarding School Miss: "Oh, Chur-
ley, expect to graduate at next COM
menccncnt :" "Graduate, What do.
you eHpect to graduate in: "Why,,
III white tulle.''
| Men langh and pptaud to be well
pleased when women de;ccnd To vii
gar joke, but in seeking wives they
| look elsewhere.
a western newspaper says: "A
Guild was rua over by wagon thres
years old and erosseycd with pant,-
letsOn which never spoke afterwards"
That wagon must have been one of
tile new fashioned kind.
! "Wliat makes your cows so cross ~
said ali old lady to the milknlan the
other day. Gross, a'am? they are
| tile gentlest things in the world"
sWell, the milk Is always souri, the
matron replied sharply.
A gcntlemln travelling llomewari
from Atlanta met an old coloicl man.
on whose lat was entwined the grape
Of grief The gentleman said. 'Yo,u
have lost some friend, | see?' "Ycs.
massa.p 7 "Was il ;tncar or distant rel
ative ?" 'Wcl, pretty distant bout
twentyAtour miles"
An old Ilutellman, who some years
ago was elected as a member OF the
Canadian Legislature, said, In broken
English style; sven vent to the
Legislature | fought | would find
dem all SolomOns dere, but | soon
found dere vas some as pick fools dere
as vas"
Ycomanry Drill-Drill Sergeant
" Dress up, Mr.. Bumphus. You must
dress up" Mr.. Bnnplils tindignant
ly}-'Drcss up. c;lnfoumd YOU! Finn
better dressed than you are -
A Dutch Jnstice gives the following
catch to a witness; You do awfnlly
swore you will tell the truth, the whole
truth. and nothing but the truth, the
best what you cant"
There is man in DEBORAH. Iowa.
so pentTiolls that. when slelling corn.
and kernel flew into the wood-pile.
he removed seven cords Of wood to
find 1t. A neighbor standing by drop
ped kernel near where the searcher
was looking, but wien he found it he
said :--''Y0t can't fool me with that
small kernel the one lost was i
larger one. :"
A Nebraska man has invented "A
powerful, double-acting salye, which,
shows powers never exhibited before.
by any salve. The inventor accidcnt-
ally cut off the tail OF a tame wolf. and
immediately after applying some of
the Saive to the stump, new tail
grew out. Then picking up the tail,
ne applied some Of the salye to the raw
End, and a new wolf grew out but he
was a wild wolf, and had to be shot,
An inquisitive youth OF South Bend.
lnd.' curious to know what tie small,
poX was like, looked into the window,
of the pest house ut that place. Now
he knows how 1t is himself.
do you think raw oysters are
healthy" asked. a lady of her physi-
,ila. so far as | know, they are:I
lcycr knew one to complain Of being
'ut Of health" he replied. o
A cockney tourist met with Scotch
assie going barefoot toward Glasgow,
'I.asaie, /" said he, II should Ike to
snow if all the people in this part 90
laretooted II Part of 'em Glo, and
Inc rest Of 'em mind their own bust
ness " was the rather settling reply.
''Shall ! help you to alight ?" saiil@
Young gentleman to bouncing coun-
ny girl, who was preparing to jump
rom carriage in front Of his Office.
THANK You Sir" sweetly replied the
girl; ''but don't smoke. =
A Kansas man Is reported to be suk
fering with hydfophobia from his wife
having bitten hin.
When a girl marries why do people
talk OF her choice? In ninety-nine cas-
es out of q hundred, has she any
choice? Does not the man probably
the last she would have ctosen) select
her?
The young lady who ''refusetfs
Grant married Galena briC6-laYers