The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1872-02-10
T. Man :s,so was Taken lsa by "es;'
Prob"
MIX Arleicr in The Capital.

Max Arlcicr Ill Inc ta!'lI'l.
I intend ultimately to reform the WEole
Government OF the United states. sliail
tar if out, reconstruct il. shake up some
kind Of an original and surprising policy, ana
begin all oyer again. THINK l VII! run 1t
m,ion contract somehow. and relieve the
! ,rorlc Of all their present duties excepting
| The duty OF supplying cash..
INT -, nrc .cn; am considering the cl>c Of
thc probahilnv man who NEEDLES with our
wrr,t hucrica,, weather. think he means
wrII and tries g. onScicntou$ly t" do his hest !;
lnt his s,..p.rn is radically defective. and the
,.onso,u,r,r, i tl,:n hi@ coniccturcS are dcSpl-
,.ahlv incorrect e,,jt,' half the time. The III
,.nuto,irnr, rotA4d by these mistakes, not
or,v TO the people generally but to me per-
sonallv. is inconceia&bly great, ana IL Is not
| to he endured any lofs2cl:. .,;.,o4
For instance, if read in the morning 'iia'
this Probability person e,its '''s t''', ~
ton that vi" xlmll have Gle ..'i IN 10y
nciyllborl!ood, place confidence II. ms 's:.-
rance, remove the roof from II y !'o''sr II,
! ORDER TO dry the garnet thorough, v ",'u l.
walk down town with 4 new nmhrch. unu.i
nv arm. Now, it is plainly evident t, "' II,
,f;rr NIL. il does begin TO ruin, and L 'u.,
obliged TO unftsrl that umbrella anu run II
viii the wet, and am compelled, wien ar
rive at nv home, TO witness my laMiiv Noai-
iuw around in the dnlnS-room upon Il ille
constructed out of the clothes horse ana Il
few bct,-slats and pie-boards, the Covert
ment for which Washington died Is a failure.
Or supuose that our friend ut the weather
Office asserts that Il thunderstorm Is seftalii
f 70 strike nv section OF the country upon il
.riyen dav. l believe him. l rush out my
liyhtning-rods and buckle them TO the CHIN.
news, and set them around on the roof, an0
: plant them out in the yard, and rirct them
! upon my hired girl; and | place my family
} safely in feather beds in the mlddle,of the
g room, and drink ull the milk in the neigllbor-
hood, and prevail upon the tax collector u
e 20 and stand an hour or two under tree
= where he will be almost certain to be struck
nv lightning. And when all these arrange
lncnts are completed, so that | feel equal 10
the promised emergency, suppose THAT tnl!n-
\ ,lcr.storm does not come? When | watch
e that tax collector sally out from under that
D outrageous tree aud begin to assess my pro-
\ per,y, counting in all those lightning-rods at
$ double their cost, is there any reason to won
/. der that | sit down and sigh for some re-
4 sponsible dcspot who will give us proba-
Il bility man who Srasps the subject OF the
!, weather, as it were, III more comprclcli-
= Sive manner?
Il But know him now. He shall never be-
5 tray me again as he did with that last
Il conjecture concerning the cyclone. lie
e said it would sweep over my district on the
+ morning of the 5th, and so | arose before
: daybreak and proceeded to ten-acre lot,
Is where | fastened myself 10 sheet anchor,
d filled my pockets with pig-cad, tcttered my
n self to the fence, and placed my family in a
+ burgktr-proof safe, which ] tied to my leg,
and fixed the prescrying-kettle tightly over
h MY head with dog-chain, i'll order to pre-
i serve my hair. staid there until O'Clock
S in the afternoon waiting for that simeon to
a swoop down upon me. But it was fall
a urea disgraceful failure. The only thing
/ of interest that occurred was the mass-meet
c ins held by the people of the nei shhor
e hood. When / looked out from under the
t preserving-kettle early in the afternoon
: was surprised to observe that the fence
upon the four sides of the lot was filled with
: men and boys roosting around and watching
u me. The boys whistled upon their fingers
: and made unpleasant remarks. When made
f Il threatening gesture several OF the men got
/ off Of the fence suddenly, and contented
t themselves with looking at me between The
c rails. After awhile four policemen came w
e in company with a physician; they united
me, knocked me down with q club, applied q
!, blister TO my neck, aud would have taken Inc