The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1872-05-09
1LOVE. WITHOUT NONSENSE.
) sor A BIT LIKE A NOVEL. !.

maiden, whose name was Mary, altnough they
called her Moll, for short. She wasn't tall,
dark-eyed maiden. with clear, transparent
skin, and lips like cherries, and cheeks sutfused
with bushes She didn't have glossy black
hair, sweeping back in wavy tresses from her
.uueenlyibrow, and her form wasn't bit like
{ 'Aebe's No, there was none of those things
on the contrary, she was short and thin, and
had red hair and freckles, and she also sported
snaegle teeth and wore pads, but still she was
a right nice girl, and there was young man
who fell in love with her, and his name was
:. Bill, although his friends called him William
when they wanted to hurt his feelings, TOR he
didn't like it much. He wasn't fine looking,
and hadneither curly brown hair nor NOUS
ttache. Not much. Bill laid himself out on
soap-locks, and wore goatee that ne haddyed
twice week.
Now this Bill was in love with Mary, but did
he 90 and make deliberate ass of himself? !?
Did he, / say, go into grove with her, and IN
the soft moonlight, by the streamlet that mur-
INJURED sweetly by, and with the tender zephyr
signing through the foliage, fall down on ms
knees, seize her jeweled hand, ard breathe his
deep affection in the tender accents OF fond at
tachment, and swear 'by yon bright orb above
us, always to be thine" Did ne, say! You
can just bet he didn't. You can lay out your
whole revenue safely on that. William knew
too much about the price of pants to SO flop,
ping around on the wet grass with his good
clothes on besides, he never cared anything
about streamlets or any kind of cold water, ex-
cept to mix with his gin. No, sir, it was ex-
oeedingly strange, but this infatuated William
met her at the alley gate, and he stood right
up on his old legs and says: "Say, Mol, old
gal, s'posen we get hitched?'
But how did Mary behave? Did she go
dropping to sleep over on the bricks in dead
faint, or did she hide her gentle head on his
shirt bosom to conceal her bushes? NO, she
didn't, and she didn't say, "I'm ever thine, my
own love, dear William !" Oh my, no. She
looked right in his yellow eyes and says, I'm
In, Billy; Pm the gal for these sort OF things.
Goinr' And instead of referring him to her
father, she only said: "Won't the old man bust
night out when you tell him (? Ha ha" and
she laughed. But she didn't ask William to
try to mollify her fond father. No, no. She
very wickedly advised him to 'poke the old
man in the nose if he gave him any of his lip"
She was a funny girl, this Mary.
Now, the old man wasn't wealthy, for he sold
soap-fat for a living, and so he didn't think
Bill was nosing around after his stamps; SO
when Bill asked him, he neither ordered him
fiercely away, nor did the dewy moisture gath,
or in his eagle eye as he passed his hemstitched
up there and said "Blcss you, my children,
bless youp oh, no. nothing of the sort. He
lust blew his old red nose in his bandanna and
told Bill to take her along, for he was glad to
get rid of her. he was, and William would be
the same way mighty soon, for she was awful
rough on victuals, and always broke plates
.whens che got mad. -.
So, you see, there really was no necessity for
William to come at midnight's solemn hour, IN
cab, and throw rope-ladder up to her win.
dow. and whistle three times on his fingers, and
then 90 up, hand over hand, and bring her
down in one hand and her trunk in the other,
and handbook and an umbrella under each
arm, and whole lot of bundles, and then get
into the cab and fly to some distant shore
YhsEs the way it would have been in novel;
but Bill said he wasn't on that lay, and so he
lust went out in the yard, and out of pure Joy,
he skinned the cat three or four times on the
grapevine arbor, and then went and got in his
butcher cart, and drove Mary right down to the
magistrate, to get the job done for quarter
for be said he was some on low prices, he was.
But the very queerest thing of all was, that
Bill had no tall, dark, rufhanly rival, with a
scowling visage and black whiskers, who flew
at him with drawn dagger, and ahorse-pistol
IN each hand, and a muttered curse upon his
lips, and cried wildly for Revenge" Ha!
he! and said: "Death!" and "Villain, thou
diest1" Not any. There was another fellow
-
weakened young man, who had sandy hair,
andwore spectacIes and choker collar, and
alwayslooked scared when you hollered at him.
So. when he saw that Bill had the best of the
girls affections, he looked all serene and said
SGo in, Billy, if you banker for her." and as
Bill was triAe on the banker, sailed right IN.
SO William, you see, had no trouble at all
and you couldn't get up an agonizing novel
about him if you tried He didn't have any
urgent business that called him to foreign
land, and SO he had to bid her q fond goodbye,
and swear always to be true, and then go away
and forget her, and fall in love with dark
eyed Italian girl, picking grapes in vineyard,
with a square towel folded on her head, while
his forgotten and forsaken Mary gradually ia
ded and pined away, and bafied the phys-
clans skill, and grew paler, and at last, when
the June roses were in bloom, lying gently
down to die, while through the open window
a6ate1 in the balmy odor of jessamine and
honeysuckle. And William didn't come home
at last, and filled with deathless remorse, go
daily to the sweet cemetery and strew flowers
on her grave, and teach his children to lisp her
name. Not at all. That is the way Mrs. E.
D. E. N. s;outhworth would have done it, but
she wasn't round. Billy was a butcher who
wore white shirt and shiny hat, and ne
stayed at home and killed beef and sold it at a
price, and stuck to Mary, and she kept healthy
and wasn't much on the pine, or the fade,
while if any fellows got to lurking around,
William went right out and batted them i'll the
eye, he did.
And then, at last when all was over, Mary
didn't sit in the room while they dressed her
in white, and mixed orange blossoms in her
waterfall, and then 60 gently down stairs with
six bridesmaids at her heels, and stand up with
rWilliam, and weep gently while she was
being mad by 1y the ss nnste5 ba ana So sse gs
and live through all the happy years with Bill
Wand neyer know SORROW or trouble any more.
Why, of course, she didn't for it wasn't her
style, you see.
She just rushed up stairs and put on her pink