The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1872-06-07

az, the same time. blazing fire, which
led him to exclaim: "Mr. vo.l
office is as hot as any oyen.n youI
should be, my lord, replied the lawv y u
"as 1t is here that make my bread
SEVERAL people who have answeraa
an advertisement promising "correc,
likeness Of yourself, and your fortune
told," for fifty cents, have received =
tnree-cent mirror, and informed thai
they can tell their own fortune by CONT
ing their money.
THERE is an Englishman in New yorL
called Capt. Lahrbush, who has been
popularity supposed to be 100 years old
The English papers took up his pedi
gree, and whitfield him down first n
100, then to %, and then to SO. The
Detroit Tribune remarks that if thew
Keep on this way they will give the old
man good chance to die in his infancy.
A NEwsBoY having been garroted and
robbed in Jacksonville, H., the CHICAGO
Times says that highwaymen will be at.
lacking reporters, soon, AS those gentle.
men stand next below newsboys in the
scale of journalistic opulence.
"ARE you not alarmed at the approach
of the King of Terrors p said minister
to sick man. "Oh, no; l have been
living six and thirty years with the queen
Of terrors-the king cannot be much
worse"
A MAN who went to the Hartford
menagerie the other day, remarked to
person standing near: :" How would
love to see one of those noble animals"
meaning the tigers, 'roaming the
forests How quick would get up a
treeW The man meant just what he
said.
DURING the war, an Irishman who
was posted with musket on duty, and
had wandered little out of his position,
was accosted by an officer with, "What
are you here for! Faith, your HONOR
said Pat, with his accustomed grin of
good humor, they told m, am here
for century"
AGENTLExAN named Dunlop remarked
that he had never heard his name
punned upon, and did not believe it
could be done. "There is nothing in
the world more easy, sir" remarked
a punster: "Just Top off half the name
and it is Dun"
A NEwLY-married gentleman and lady
riding in chaise were unfortunately
overturned. A person coming to their
assistance observed it was very shock.
ing sight. "Very shocking, indeed"
replied the gedtleman, "to see alnewly.
couple fall out so soon."
"WnEN | get you in st. Louis, I'll
kill you," SAID aTexan desperate to a
cattle drover at Abilene. "Why not
kill me here?" because they'd hang
me here but in st. Louis they'd think
was insane, and let me co."
A PHILOSOPHICAL Kentuckyian who
was the envied possessor of one shirt,
while lying in bed awaiting its return
rom the line where it was Tapping in
solitary grandeur, was started by an ex-
from the better half of his
bosom, to the effect that "the calf had
eaten it," To this he replied, with an
squanimity worthy of better cause:
Them who has must lose."
Two neighbors living in Westchester
county had long and envenomed liti-
cation about small spring, which they
10Th claimed. The Judge, wearied out
With the case, at last said: "What is
he use of making so much fuss about
! little water?" "Your Honor will
zee the use of it," replied one of the
awyers, "when | inform you that the
PARTIES are both milkmen n The roar
# laughter which followed, proved that
he entire audience saw the point.
AN Irishman in Paducah was fined in
he City Court for some slight offence,
nd demanded receipt for the money.
IN being asked by the marshal why he
nade such an unusual demand, he re.
lied, "Sure, when die and presint
lyself to st. Peterat the gate of heaven,
e will ask me: Pat K-have
ees paid all yer debts?' Of course Ill
ny yes, yer Reverence Then he
hight say: where's the racaitsy-
nd If didn't have yees racait for this
anne, I'd have to 60 to yees in hi to
ct it." He didn't get the receipt.
The question at country tea-party
lrning on the improperly of mixing
p cake with a pinch of snuff in the
myers, lad remarked that he had seen
is mother do it, and never drop bit
snuff. why, my son." said the
dy," show can you lie SOP "Well,
other," he replied, "maybe you did
rop just little"
BEEcHER, in the course of his sermon,
st Sunday morning, referred to other
cts, and to the temptation he was
ten under to publicly assail and con-
smn their peculiar sentiments. Said
>: How could now give blow to the
A stranger-doubtless
'od Methodist brother, in the gallery
promptly said, in loud voice, "Try
then" Mr.. Beecher as promptly re-
led, ~ love you too WE'LL"