The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1872-06-29
Cur Oldest Inhabitants Two
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By JOSH BILLINGS.
john Bascomb is now living in Coon

+
Hollow, Raccoon CO., State ov Iowa. !
Hea issa1ee yeltss,old, aud kan read
fine print by moon light 80 feet oph.
He remembers Gen Washington fust
rate, aud once lent him IL dollars to u
buy pair ov kaff skin boots with.
He ft in the retolushuh, also in the
war ov 1912, likewise in the la,o melee,
and seq he won't take sass now from
emmy man living.
He is hard shell baptiss by religion !,
and seq he will die for his religion.
He was konverted 150 yeara ago, and
thinks the hard-shel IL the tuAest re-
ligion thare IL for every day wear. He
sez that one hard shall Laptiss ken do
more hard work on the same vittles dur
ing hot Gay than ten episkopalities.
He haz always used plug tobako from
u child, aud sez he lcrnt how to cheu
bi watching COW cheu her cud.
/ He -haz never drunk emmy intoxi-
kating Ticker but whiskey, and see that
no other lioker is healthy. He thinks
3 horns a day is enuff for health.
He 'haz alwus voted the dimokratik
ticsct for the last ITO years, and
walked, last fall in sloppy weather, 1s
miles to vote for Jim Buchanan.
He haint never seen rale road yet,
nor a wimmin's right convenshun.
His greatest desire, he tells me, liz
teu see Gen. Jackson, and sez that he
shal 60 next year down teu Tennessee
reu see him.
He fatted hog last year, with his
own hands, that weighed G36 pounds
after it was drrst aud we'll dried out.
He is very cheerful, aud seq he won Z
dollars on the weight ov this hog. out
ov one ov the deakins ov the hard shell
church. He declares this .eu be one ov
the proudest acksidents ov his life, tor
the deakon was known far aud near as
titc kuss.
He tells me that for so years he haz
went teu bed at just II minutes after 8,
and has arozen at precisely o'clock the
next day
The tust thing he does in the morn
ing IL teu take short drink, about 2
inches, and then fur an hour before
breakfast he reads the amanax Il
,ciW here sta 'ha 1t IL ''Josh Billings
Farmers Almanac" Mat lie reads
asked him hiz opinyun ov gin aud
milk az a fertilizer. He pronounced it
bogus, AID sed that the good old hard
shell drink, whiskey unadorned waz the
opiy speerls that never Went bak on ii
man. 7ttd M r5,
a Hiz habits are simple. For break
last he generally etc four slices Wv salt
pork, 3 billed pertatnze topze and all, u
couple ov sassagis, s bot biskits, dozen
hard builed eggs, 8 kups oil rllye coffee,
a sn'a'l plate ov slupjax, sum phew
pickles and cold cabbage and vinegar,
if thare waz emmy left from Yesterday S
dinner.
% His dinner waz II little one, and he
seldom ct ennything but some billed
mutton, suD horned beef sam kold ham,
and sum injun pnddin teu bop oph with.
Hiz suppers were mere nothing and
kcnsisted simply ov kold horned beef,
kold billed mnitnn. and once So :, r--r-.
while,s phew slices ov kold ham, with
mustard and hoss reddish.
II examined hiz head and found that
he had all the usual bumps in remark
able state ov preservushun.
He haz good eur for music, and
whisselled me Yankee duodle, with
variashuns.
q He was born shoemaker, but hasn't
dun cnnything at the trade for the last
l25 years. he enjoys che best ov
health, but just now he IL tcething,
which he tells me iz hiz 7th sett.
b. On the subjekt ov marriage hiz he'd
seems to be on ded level He sed
That he had been married Is times,
aud proposed ugaiu teu Hannah Camp.
bell, a lady in the peighborhood, W no
was 20 years old. s l ~
II asked him what he thought hiz
chances were for obtaining the lady s
haud, anu he sed ''it lays between him
aud one Theodor Whitney, travelling
korn DOCTOR" and added: 'sif Whitney
dou't lopk out willeplarge his head
for him."
Upon mi asking him what he attri-
bn1cd his immense iiic and vigov to, he
odd IN oi,.ny aud l,otioLt ,zo;oo