New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1872-01-05
HUMOROUS.

"Pa. isn't that man in what they call The.
spring time of nfer' why my sonT Because be
looks 50 very green"
"Now, papa, what is humbug~ 1T is" re-
piled papa, when ma pretends to be very fond OF mo
and puts no buttons on my shirt"
"John,n said O cockney lawyer to his son, IL
see you will never do for an atorneyyou have no hen
ergy." Excuse me, father" SAID John, WHAT WANTS
some Of yoyr ehekenary"
As q party of ladies were eating On outdoor
lunch in the vicinity Of the White Mountains they were
Joined by n small but sociabe and lively bear The ladies
showed their delicate pollteness by surrendorng tho
whole OF the lunch To the new conner
A soldier being tried by Court Martial for
drunkenness was addressed by the President in the fol-
lowing words prisoner you have been found guilty ~
habtal drunkenness; what have you 70 say for yoni
seP' Nothing, please your honor' only haDtuai ns|
A dentist was recently saved from drowning
By laborer and the depths of his grateful heart
exclaimed: mobile brave, gallant mani how shall
reward youi Only 10 my house. and vail cheer.
not charge you siipence."
The editor Of The Chicago Post tells this:
what would you do II mamma should diep asked
lady, with whom We have the honor OF an Intimate
sGGT51ianGs go, 10 for "we MAMMA was the mel
aDchoy RESPONSE 81 s'pose should have 10 spank my
self"
A pious Irishman, not long since, in exhOTt-
ing meeting, let his remarks take an anaogeai turn
"Me beloved friends said Pat, a cannot be parts "
the same building Some have TO be posts some Iattrs
&c and me frinds II there not already TOO many
slapers In this house, would be wn' 10 DC sAp"r
(sleeper) meself"
A witness examined In one Of tho courts OF
Illinois upon trial concerning horse trade, was asked
nv the counsel for the defendant how the plaintiff gen
erIly rode He pretty generally rides astraddIe Cir"
yeplied the witness "Hcw does ho ride in companyf
" IN he has a good horse he always keeps up" Aha
how does ride when he " aoneP Really SIR can
moi saw as In bis company when ne RODE bS
himseILD "You may stand aside. Sir"
The editor Of The MOhduk Valley Register re-
ceiyed as q Christmas present O mammoth pen, measur
ing three feet two inches in length and four niche"
around the largest part acknowledging this extra
ordinary Gift he says: sour other editorial PEN
pared 20 this IL pigmy OF the most Lputlan stamp
Indeed for ability TO indure long service, this seems to las
a regular tough old peasoner. The prompting idea OF
the donor evidently 10 pay the complainant OF
berns able 10 WELD PEN In that he has shown
a delicate and Just appreciation OF our intellectual
strength In genera! sense SWORD - NOR PropsI
The pen Is perfectly 10 e Pointi IT'S more poweri t2r
an editors purpose. IL may De made TO gnte FOOT
on the covering the brain beneath skull mat
would blunt the trusest blade. II VIII turn Inward tue
mental vision OF the mean man I'LL IN the mirror ~ DIS
nature he shall himself as others see hl0 ~ VII M
shall neontinently behold the blackness OF his bghirh
heart the hands VI genial writer, can oauo The
currents Of the coolest heart paint roses ~ ths
pre- ssiones nd blank before Used by caustc earpins
erte draws his morbid Imagination instead OF
The truth t viii enras the lax Q, Gea mse srs 10
from their spheres and each partic han 70
on ead lsks qqiis upon The s1ai poreepsn .ia s.d
for-tO borrow Bulwer's thought-beneath tue rue of
men entirely great ike ourselvesD the pen 10 ighe
than the sword The present hangs sasysnaea ss ts
who the temerty 20 trespass upon the preoyaNs
that protect the editorial p1D'