Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1872-02-01
Humorous and WITTY.

Humorous and witty.
WHEN is penny like hermit Z
When it's loan (alone.)
IT is low enough to live in m attic.
but q ground floor is a basement.
A SADDLE HORSE is not necessarily ill.
tempered because it takes u fence
readily.
Why does a sculptor die tho most
horrible of deaths2 He makes faces
and busts.
AN old lady says of certain POM
pous clergyman, that he seems filled
with the divine infaters
A WESTERN editor reports money
"closc, but not near enough to be
reached."
Who was perhaps the only person
who went to sea for fear of drowning
Noah.
IF am stuck up, I'm not proud, /"
us the butterfly said when pinned to
the side OF the showcase.
AN Illinois clergyman forbade any
further contributions under five cents,
saying that "the widows mite business
is played out here"
A MAN out West has just returned
from an Indiana camp-meeting. He
says that the right spirit prevailed
tasted it out OF black jug.
"THosE who buy tombstones of us
look with pride and satisfaction on the
graves of their friends," is the adver-
tisement of a western stone cutter.
A TEMPERANCE editor, in drawing at.
tention to an article against ardent
spirits, in one of his papers, SAYS:
''For the Effects of Intemperance see
our inside"
A YOUNG student wants us to tell him
if Wore. ester spells Wooster, why
R.o-c-h-e-s-t-e-r don't spell Rooster.
We give it up, as We are not engaged in
getting up dictionaries.
"HARRY," said q mother to her little
boy, "Jou shouldn't throw away nice
bread like that !; you may wantit before
You die. y elbow could get it, though,
if eat it nova" Harry asked.
PUrrY-EYED monster" is what ap-
peared in the paper of Tennessee
editor, who wrote with respect, "pretty
aged minister" The sons of the min
lister interviewed the editor the next
morning with shot guns.
MARKET REPORTS. plenty,
but going fast; brain scarce and want.
ed; cheek, full supply; pluck, market
bare; hearts unsteady, price fuctua-
ting, mostly sold for cash.
ABAY CRY man paid heavy express
charges on a box labeled "An Austria.
liam hooking bird +; handle with care :"
and found it contained, as he profanely
remarked, "only IN old turkey COB
bier"
SAMMY thinks he would learn much
more at school if he did not have to at
tend to his own book all the time.
Because" he says, &c if study my
own book all the time I shall only learn
what there is in it, but if hadn't any
book to study, I should know all that
the whole school are reciting."
A WHOLE seminary full of Kalamazoo
girls are travelling in the old world, and
recently one of them wrote an account
of their ascent of the pyramids with
the Emperor of Brazil, and remarked
that the young ladies were assisted in
their ascent by rude natives. The let.
ter was published in Michigan paper,
and the sentence alluded to was typo.
graphically metamorphosed thus: ave
were assisted in our ascent by nude ma
tives."
The humor of the late James Fisk,
Jr., of which so much has been recent
ly said, is illustrated in his reply to 8
body of his fellow citizens of Brattle.
bor0, who wished him to assist in put.
ting a new fence about the very grave.
yard in which Fisk was last week
buried. He said to the astonished up.
plicants: "No; not cent. You don't
need fence there. Those that are in,
are in no danger breaking out; and
those that are out, surely have no de.
sire to break in"
GuEsr-t'How comes this dead fiv in
my soupG" Waiter-"In fact, sir,
have no positive idea how the poo,
thing came to it's death. Perhaps il
had not:.taken any food for a long time,
dashed upon the soup, ate too much OF
it, contracted an Inflammation of thu
stomach that brought on death. The
fly must have a very weak constitution,
for when I served the soup it was dane
ing merrily upon the surface. Perhaps
and the idea presented itself only al
this moment-it endeavored to swallow
too large piece of vegetable this
remaining fast in it's throat, caused {
choking in the windpipe. This is the
only reason I can give for the death
of the insect.
The following anecdote is related o.
Major Little, the melodeonist: Ont
warm evening, in the spring of thu
year, the Major was giving concert ii
one of the thriving manufacturing vii.
lagos in Eastern Massachusetts,. 4
large and appreciative audience had as
sembled, and he was doing his best X
entertain them. Several pieces hai
been performed, and matters we're pro
crossing finely, when at Last he gave a,
imitation of the echo of horn amons
the hills, the sound dying away grad
ually in the distance. The hall va.
still, every one present was listening
the fall OF pin might have been heart
as the echo grew fainter and fainter il
the distance; just then a bull-frog o.
the largest size, which had been SITTING
quietly on the edge of the mill-ponc
directly under the open windows Of thu
hall, apparently waiting his time
broke in with most tremendous kud-
ar-rhunk, car-r-rhunk. The effect O,
this outbreak can be better imagined
than described.