The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1872-05-25

The following is supposed to
have been written in 1892 by Max
who was a witness to the
terrible scenes which occurred at
the time of which the story tells:
THE CONQUEST OF AMERICA.
You ask me to tell you, my chill
dren, Of the events which immedi-
ately preceded the destruction of
the once great American Union,
and the capture Of the country by
it's present European rulers, and to
say something also Of the causes
which led to these dsplorable re--
suits. I undertake the task with a
heavy heart, for whenever I revert
to that terrible time I cannot help
contrasting our proud condition up
to that fatal year with tho humili-
ating position occupied now by
the American people. The story
is . short one. In the fall of 1872
Horace Greeley, the editor of
newspaper in New York. was elect
ed President of the United States.
The people voted for him because
they believed him to be an honest
man. But he was vain and weak,
and he entertained certain fanatical
and preposterous notions-about
agricultural matters. for instance
which he was determined to
force upon the people at all haz-
ards. and dispite all opposition.
He believed, among other things.
that every man ought to 60 to The
West to earn his bread, and long
before he was chosen Presiden he
used to advise everybody to move
to that region rs cure for oil dis
asters which could befall the hu-
man family.
As soon as he reached the ex-
ecutive mansion, which We used to
call the White House, President
Greeley organized an army Of two
hundred thousand men, and pro-
ceeded to force the entire popula-
ton of the seabord States west
ward at the point Of the bayonet.
The utmost violence Was used
Those who resisted were shot
down, and their dead bodies were
fcarted on 10 q national factory
which the President had establish
ed for making some kind of hu-
morous fertilizer. All the large
cities of the Ea ct we're depopulat-
ed, and towns we're entirely empty.
The army swept before it millions
of men, women and children, until
the vast plains west of Kansis
were reached. when the pursuit
ceased, and the army was drawr
up in q continuous line, with or
ders to shoot any person who at
tempted to visit the East. O
course, hundreds of thousands o
these poor creatures psrished from
starvation. This seemed to fright
en- President Greeley, and he sen
q message to Congress recon-
mending that 700, 900 volumes .
comic book of his, entitled
'WEat ! Know About Farming,
should be voted for the relief of th
starving sufferers. This was done
and farming implements and seed
were supplied and then the mil
lions Of wre:cbed outcasts made Al
effort to till tho ground. OF to
result Of this l will speak farthe
on.
In the meantime the presiden
was doing intimate harm to th
country in another way. His hand
writing was 80 wonderfully an
fearfully bad that no living ma
could read it. And 90 when b
( sent his first annua: message t
Congress-the document was de
voted wholly to the tariff and
, agricuiture-a sentence apoearc
which subsequently was ascertain
ed TO be, 'Large cultivation {
rutabsges and beans is the onl
hope Of the American nation, I al
sure The printers not being alb
/ to interprit this, put it In the 70
j lowing form, in which it wei
: forth to the world: The Gear ,
. Russia couldn't keep clean if /
, washed himself in the whole At
, lantic Ocean once = day, Th
perversion Of the message v,
Immediately telegraphed to Russ
by the Russian Minister, and tt
, Gar Was SO indignant that he in
stantly declared war.
just at this time President Gre,
ley undertook to write some letts
: to Prince Bismark upon the subje
= OF potato rot, and after giving b
I singular views at great length,