Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1872-05-01
/ Wit and HumOr.


pered y man, who is too. stupid to go
into passion and is proud of it.
The fashion of throwing an old slip
per after the carriage of a newly mar
ried couple Is supposed to mean that
the chances of matrlmony are very
slippery. 'gIN
THEODORE TnToN, of the Golden
Age, exclaims Save me from God
who dams - We should like to do it,
my boy, but the thing is impossible
CoatrierJouamal.e igIlH5 5ua
He MUsr HAVE BEEN WArER-TIGHr.-
A clergyman, who was reading to his
congregation chapter in Genesis,
found the last sentence on!a page to be,
''And the Lord gave unto Adam a
wife" Turning over two leaves to-
| gether, he read on as follows: And
| she was pitched without and within"
He had unhappily got into q descrip-
ton of Noah's ark.
A MAIDEN lady who had once been
i Tilted, wrote her own epitaph as fol-
lows
"Here lies the fody of one,
i Who died of constancy alone; SAl
H Stranger advance hsteps courageous;
|
"ANGELINA, my angel, can you tell
me why your lovely eyes are like friends
separated by distant climes ~ "No,
Augustus, / can't Tell me, oh, tell me
why they're thus?'' Because they
correspond, but never meet. -
A MINISTER who thought that report
ing sermons was all vanity, afterwards
concluding that if the thing must be
done it should be done, slipped a
greent ack into the reporters hand,
saying, edo not condense me. e.pia
A PAINTER being asked to estimate
the cost of painting a certain house,
drew forth pencil and paper and made
the following calculation: "A naught
is naught: three into five twice you
can't; I'll paint your house for fifty
dollars
l. A MAN out West turned states evil
dence, and swore that he was a mem
Der Of a gang of thieves. By and by
they found the roll of actual members
and accused the man of swearing
falsely. s'I was a member" said the
man, H"l "-happy thought-''I was
an honorary member !''-9ul 5dt7Hl
=. They have had a great revival at Kan
sas City One of tlc reclaimed, ae-
companied blythe preacher, went to get
tooth pulled at dentists, the other
day, and, after strong pull at the
| laughing gas, rather astonished his
pious brother by shouting: 5"Keno!
Sixty-six! that's my game!'' e,e
LAST week farmer sold butcher in
Syracuse, very young veal, which
| the meat Inspector condemned, and it
became the property Of the city. The
| butcher then demanded return of his
money. But it didn't work, the farmer
being too shrewd for the butcher. He
refused, saying, ''I only sold you the
hide! )" t3ss -'59'''s9 1'''
DURING the conference at Worcester,
the following dialogue was overheard
between two newsboys: II say, Jim,
| what's the meaning of SO many minis
| ters being here all together?" /" Why"
1 answered Jim, scornfully, "they al
ways meets once q, year to exchange
sermons with each other. to aolf
THIS Is a Germans account of his ex-
perience on shipboard in a storm: '' [
feels dem big wave hit der ship, | hears
! dem erockery dishes go smash--I get
me out of mine berth to see what's de
matter; / make myself on my head
two time; I gets in my berth pretty
oulck, You bet I no gets up till now
| What you do? How you like EN-, ha?"
THE Danbury News tells of lady
stranger who accosted little, e,shabbily-
| dressed lad in that town, and said
ssWhere is your home, my little. son ~
Il hain't got no home,' he answered.
ssGot no home?" she repeated, the
tears standing in her eyes, "No
marm," said he equally effected; : "I
board. !"
8 A MAN once put on his gate a placard
bearing the legend ono admittence." p"
Two gentlemen passing by, one of them
/ remarked stT cannot understand how
any one in these days of general educa-
ton could do thing like that. F" ooh
it's all right enough 2 replied the other.
"JThe man thought that the best way
I to keep the people out was to put an
evil spell upon his gate. ''.uoi8Sf- cas-
4 One who assumes to know, says that
womanly despair for the loss of loyer
endures three months in the winter and
two months in the summer; the second
month lady becomes interested in the
new style of hair dressing; the third,
she burns her love letters. Twelve
months afterwards, she hears of her
former loves marriage and wonders
chow she could have loved man with
red moustache. ls.as te9aou
, Is this which we find in the Cork
), Grish) Telegraph bull 6 Tim Field
was fined Is. Cd. for attempting to
| drown himself, the magistrate believ-
ING that he had no intention of COM
t hitting suicide" Filming a man for
. attempting what the court thoughtlhe
didn't attempt, seems to be very III
| bernian bit of jurisprudence.
SEVERAL years ago the landlord OF OF
the Half Way Hotel, between Catsk1l
and the Mountain House, remarked one
e day to the proprietor OF the last named
S hostelrie, 1'Aint doing much ftele'
h graphin', are you2" 20, yes the me .5
g is we'll patronized. " Well, l dldn {
2. think So: T amt heard dispatch go
S ND in three or. four days !" ao1T bae
p TIE Belfast (Me.) Journal says a
y former sheriff of Waldo county, whom
IS. coo daily in our streets and else
t wbere. had writ to serve In the back
s oart of the county. . After diligent in
/ anirv. he found that the defendantIhad
T died suddenly. He tossed the paper
\ over the wall of the cemetery, and
a made return upon the writ that he had
"Ieft the summons at his last and usu.
) al place of abodeW ~ s5r fr9
n IT is said that whenever an applicant
l. for situation as brakeman appearsfa
g the office of the Michigan Central Rail
It road, an official shouts up through the
3 speaking tube, and makes the inquiry
Y 'sAny switchman killed lately !" Ithas
strange effect. The applicant sud
denly concludes that he is not entirel,
ID fitted for the situation, and silently re
e. tires,