Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1872-07-25
81" Ez he is mine and / am hiZZen,
Wat kin l want beside"

Wat kin l want beside"
Show me two candidates, one Nv wich is
sounder than tother on, the question NV Post
Offs, and l am for that sounder one, first,
last and all the time .Nothin kin shake me
in this.
. But it aint so with all men. There is a
great mass who see suthin in politiks be-
side Post offs, men wich hev pet hobbies,
wich they ride yehemently and unceasing-
ly, and who verify bleeve in EN-. / hev
been interviewed by dozens NV this most ex'
aspiratin and sole-wearing class. for ten
days. My head whirls ez tho he'd bin sea-
sick for week., =.
Imajine me standfn at the bar at Bar
num's Hotel, takin soul-sootHin nip Nv
my favrit bevridge, whisky strate, with my
white hat hapgin gracefully on my left ear, a
dreamin peacefully '-uv-tE at comm day when
Greeley sheiTje safe in the Chair, and shel
hev my eommishen onct more hangin agin
the wall NV the Post Office at the Corners.
Imajine ones bein reused from a revery so
delishus by a loud meuthed cuss slappin you
on the back and shoutin "Jones, my boy
take suthin.f On sich occasions alluZ an
ser to the nams tx j ones eand Sespond with
rAnd then 70 hevv' this fellow exciafm exu1tin-
ly, Swat a god-send Greeley is to us! am
from Georgia. 1 wuz in the rebel army, and
wuz compelled after the war to join with my
neighbors to restrain the lawless violence NV
the infooriated niggers and northners. We
Grant, but now, thank Heaven, there shel
be no interference with us. The great and
good Horris sympathiZes with us. hev it
from his Committee in Moo York. Take
| suthin?"
Then five minutes afterimagin me salooted
| by Maine Demokrat, with suthin like this /:
swat blessin is Greeley! With Greeley
| we shel hev reform and peace. Under Gree
! ley ther will be lawlisness on the part Nv no
ex-rebels the Ku-Klux will be put down by
| the power of the military, and the negroes
will be protekted in their rites. l know this
will be done, for IheU it from his Committee.
| Take suthin."
Four minits and halt after another man
comes up: "Pennsylvany holds out both
her hands for Greeley. The vigorous old
| Protictionist-the man wich hez fought the
| battle NV Ameriken labor agin furrin pauper
labor, kin alluz command the voice Nv Penn
| sylvania. Pennsylvania goes for Greeley
and Protection J There will be no lowerin
Nv tariffs under Honest Old Pig Iron Horris!
1 heg IL from his Committee! Take suthin,'
In about seven minits (before 1 he'd an
other drink fairly DOWN. an Illinoy man
came boomin up. "'Rah for Greeley ~ he
yelled. ;"Rah for Honest Old Horrisl With
the great Horris at the head Nv affairs. the
bloated aristocratic manufacturers NV Penn
| sylvany and Moo England will sing small.
With the great and good agricultooral and
editorial woed-chooper Nv the TribOOn, there
will be no more oppression Nv the farmers
NV the West with tariffs and sich. IheO Il
from his Committee. Take suthin.'
In ten minits afterward, afore that drink
he'd gone to that bourne from which nc
drinks returns, ceptin once when he'd taken
| a dozen too many and wuZ sick at my STUN
ick, wich wuz in my youthful days, up came
a man howlin for 'Greeley and speeshy pay
ments,n wich he sed he got from GreeleyS Com
n,ittee, and folerin him wuz another witch
howled for "Greeley and Greenbacks," wich
he swore he got from Gyeeley's Committee.
There wuz one man proudly sportin a
Greeley reputation badge, another with
Greeley and payment Nv the debt in gold
and evry one NV EN- wuz jubilant at the
prospect up heviu his ideas carried out, fol
evry one Nv EN- sed he he'd full and positive
ashoorances from his Committee.
| spect shell hev to take the stump this
fall, for Greeley. 1 do il gladly without eny
ashoorances from his Committee, for Nv
course he'll have to care for his supporters
and bein cared for is jist now my principle
biznis. But shell try to confine myself tC
one seckshun. Eff the Nashnel Committed
take me over much territory, l want to know
exackly wat that territory i, and shal
make map Nv it, and shell write on the mar
gin NV each section precisely wat the 1eadiI
interest NV its inhabitants is, and to wal
pertikeler policy it will be nessary to pledge
the great and good Horris. The notes will
run thus:
PENNsYLvANY.-High tariff on coal anG
iron and sich. Protection strong-danger uN
.importations-drain of gold to pay for fur
rim manufaktures-woody you hev your hor
ny-handed laborers redoost to the level ul
pauper lrbor? Never
| ILLINoY.-Broad fields Nv wheat, corn anC
cattle on a thousand hills. Agricultur oui
naturel persoot. Wood you tax the sweat
NV the honest farmer Nv Illinoy to build NJ
The purse proud aristocratic manufacturer u1
Pennsylvany? Never
Moo ENGLAND.-Tariff on cotton good:
and proteckshen to the negro in the South
and the execooshen Nv the laws even il mill
tary heZ to be yoosed.
SOUTH KARoLINY.-Free trade alluz. Ir
deestricks where there is nobody but plant
ers, no military rule where niggers pre-
dominate and are reasonable, military tC
protect EN- from the infamous Ku-Klux:
And so on, Even with sich preperashun il
will be close and judgmatical work, but kir
do it. Besides, them patriots wich expect
to be Postmasters and sich, will alluZ be OF
hand to post me, so that can't make am
serious mistakes.
What beautiful thing it wood be to be
Republican, and hev the same thing to tall
in all parts NV the country.
PETROLEUM V. NAsBY,
/ (Which wuz Postmaster)