The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1872-04-02
MARK TWAINs ACCOUNT OF
HIS FIRST LECTURE.

puDllC leCbuTC OCCuTTeu W me. shL
down aud wrote one in fever of an.
ticipation. l showed it to several
friends, but they all shook their heads.
They said nobody would come to hear
me, and would make a humiliating
failure of il. They said that as had
never spoken in public | would break
down in the delivery, anyhow l was
disconsolate now. But at last an edi-
tor slapped ne on the back and told
me to "go ahead" He said, Take
the largest house in town, and charge
dollar a ticket" The audacity Of
the proposition was charming; it SEEM
ed fraught with practical worldly wis
dom, however. The proprietor of the
several theatres endorsed the advice,
and said | might have his handsome
new opera house at half price--fifty
dollars. In sheer desperation | took
it-on credit, for sufficient reasons. In
three days l did hundred and fifty
dollars worth of printing and advertis
ing, aud was the most distressed aud
frightened creature on the Pacific
coast. could not sleep-who could
under such circumstances For other
people there was fscetousness i'll the
line of my posters, but to me it was
plaintive with pang when | wrote it !:
"Duurs open at u o'clock. The
trouble will beegin at g."
That line has done good service
since. have seen it appended to a
newspaper advertisement, reminding
achoOl pupils in vacation what time
next term would begin. AS those three
days of suspense dragged by | grew
more and more unhappy. l had sold
200 tickets among my personal friends
but feared they might not come.
My lecture, which had seemed 'humor
ous' to me at first, grew steadily more
and more dreary, till not vestigs of
fun seemed lett, and | grieved that |
could not bring i coffin on the stage
and turn the thing into funeral. |
WAS 50 panic-stricken at last that |
went to three old friends, giants in
stature, cordial by nature, and stormy
voiced, AM. said
"rhis thing is going to be a failure !;
the jokes are So dim that nobody will
ever see them. would like to have
you sit in the parquette and help me
through"
They said they would. Then | went
to the wire of u popular citizen, and
said that if she were willing to no me
very great kindness would be glad
if she and her husband would sit prom
inently in the left hand stage box 4,
where the whole house could see them.
| explained To her that should need
help, and would turn toward her and
smile, as a signal, when had been
delivered of an obscure joke land
them" | answered, don't wait to in
vestigate, but respond y
She promised. Down the street l
met man had never seen before
He had been drinking, and was beam.
ing it'll smiles and good nature. He
said:
"My name is Sawyer. You don't
know me, hut thrt don't matter. l
havep got cent, but if you knew
how bad wanted to laugh, you'd give
me ticket. Come, now, what do you
say ?"
''Is your laugh hung on a hair trig-
ger? that is, is 1t critical, or can 1t
get of easy?"
My drawing in frmityof speech So
affected him that he laughed IL speci-
men or two that struck me as being
about the article wanted, and gave
him ticket, and appointed him TO SIT
in the second circle in the centre and
be responsible for that division of the
house. | gave him minute instructions
about how to detect indistiuct Jokes,
and then went away and left him
chuckling placidly over the novelty OF
the idea.
l ate nothing on the last three event
full days i only suffered. had ad-
vertised that on The third day the office
would be opened for the sale of reserv-
ed seats. | crept down to the theatre
at o'clock in the afternoon to see if
any sales had been made. The ticket
seller was gone, the box -uffice was lock.
ed up. | hal to swallow suddenl Y or
my heart would have got out. ''No
sales" 1 said to myself. Knight have
known it. thought Of suicide pre-
tended illness, fright. | thought of
these things in earnest, for | was very
miserable and scared. But of course
I had to drive them away and preE are
10 meet my fate. could not wait for
half.past seven; | wanted to face the
horror and end 1.-THE feeling of many
man doomed to be hung, no doubt.
| went down a back street at six
o'clock, and entered the theatre by the
bacK door. ! stumbled my way in the
dark among the ranks of canvass seen
cry and stood OIL the stage. The house
was gloomy and silent, aud its empti-
ness depressing. | went into the dark
among the scenes again. aud for an
hour and a half gave myself up to the
horror, wholly unconscious of every
thing else. Then heard a murmur !;
il rose higher and higher, and ended