The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1872-07-06
aeit and Aumor.
Cousin Sally billiard.
BY HAMILTON G. JONES.

must not die, aud as it has been some
time since the public have been called
upon to laugh over its exquisite ride.
ulousness, We will give it start again:
ScRNE-A court Of justice in South
Carolina.
A bcardless dis ciple of Themis rises
and thus addresses the court "May it
please your worship and you gentlemen
ofthe jury, siuce it has been my fortune
good or bad | will not say) to exercise
myself in legal disquisition, il has never
beiallen me to be Obliged to prosecute
so direfully marked an assault. A
more wilful, violent aud dangerous
battery, and fually a more diabolical
breach of the peace, has seldom hap
pened III civilized country, and | dare
say it seldom has been your duty to
pass upon one so shocking to benevolent
feelings, as this which took place over
at Captain licc's in this county; but
you will hear from the witnesses"
The witnesses being sworn, two or
three were examined and deposed.
One said that he heard the noise but
did not see the fght another that he
saw the row, but did not know who
strack first, and another that he was
very drunk and couldn't say much about
the skrimmage.
Lawyer Chops-l am sorry, gentle.
men, to have occupied your time with
the stupidity of the witnesses examined.
1t arises, gentlemen, altogether from
mlsappreheusion on my part. Had |
known as | now do, that had n wit
ness who was acquainted with all the
circumstances Of the case, and who
was able to make himself clearly under
stood to the court aud jury, | should
not have trespassed SO long on your
patience.-Como forward Mr.. Harris,
aud be sworn.
So forward comes the witness,
fat, chuffy old man, % lcetle" corned
and took his oath with an air.
Chops-lIarris, we wish you 10 tell
about the riot that happened the other
day at Captain Rice's aud as good
deal of time has already been wasted
III cireumlocution, We wish you 80 be
compenduous, at the same time as plicit
as possible.
Harris-Adzakly (giying the lawyer
knowing wink, at the same time clear
ing his throat,) Captain Rice, he gin a
treat, aud cousin Sally billiard she
comes over to our house and axed me
If my wife she mount goP told
cousin Sally billiard my wife was poorly,
being as how she had touch Of
rheumatics in the hip, aud the big
swamp was up in the road, there having
been a great deal of rain lately, but
howsoevcr, as it was she, cousin Sally
Dillard, my wife she mout 60. Well,
cousin Sally Dillard then axed me if
Nose he moutu't goY / told cousin
Sally billiard that he was the foreman
of the crap and the crap, was smartly in
the grass, but howsoeyer, as it was she,
cousin Sally Dillard, Nose he mout 20.
Chops-ln the name of common
sense, Mr.. Harris, what do you mean
by this rigmarole? Tell tho Court and
Jury about the fight at Capt Rice's.
"itnCss-Captain Rice, he gin q
treat and cousin Sally billiard, she came
over to my house aud asked me if my
wife she moutn't go and | told cousin
Sally billiard -
Chops-Stop. sir, if you please we
dontwauttohear about your cousin Sally
billiard, or your wife, tell US abo ut the
fight at Rice's.
Witness-Well, will sir, if you will
let me.
Ohops-Woll, sir, go on.
Witncss-Well, sir, Captain Rice, he
gin treat AMI cousin Sally Dillard.
came over to my house aud asked me If
M wife she moutn't 90.
Chops-Iierc it is again Witness
please to stop
Witness-Well, sir, what do you
want?
Chops-We want to know about the
hight, aud you must not proceed ia this
impcrtinent story. Do you know any.
thing about the matter before the
court ?
Witness-To be sure do.
Chops Swell, so on then, and tell it,
ard nothing else
Witucss-WeIl, Captain Rice, he giu
a treat
Chops-This is intolerabe. Nav il
please the court, | move that the wit.
ness be committed for a contempt. lie
seems to be trifing with the court.
Court--Witnesss, you are before the
court OF justice, and unless you behave
yourself in more becoming manner
you will be sent TO Jail so bcgiu and
tell us what you know about the fight
at Rice's.
Witmess-Well, gentlemen, Captain
Rice he giu treat, and Cousin Sally
Dillard.
Court-(aitcr dcbatiog), Mr.. Attor.
ucy, the court is of an opinion that we
may save time by letting the witness 90
on in his own way. Proceed, Mr.. Har.
ris, with your story, but stick to the
point.
Witncss-Yes, gentlemen. Well,
captain Rice, he gin treat, and cousin
Sally billiard come over to our house
and axcd me il my wife she moutn't
80. told cousin Sally billiard that my
wife she was poorly, being as how she
had the rhcumatics in her hip, aud the
big swamp was up howsocver, as it was
she, cousin Sally billiard, my wife mout
go. Well, cousin Sally billiard then
axed me if Nose he moutnt go. | told
cousin Sally billiard as how Nose was
the foreman Of the crap aud the
crap was smartly in the grass, but how