The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1872-01-18
GreQrttlIi9e'1te1.


My Wifc's Bridal Tour.
When ! married my second wife she
was dreadful set on going oil ON bridal
tour told her she had better wait siX
months or year, and I'd try 10 20 with
her; ami she said shed rather go alone
when a woman was travelling man was
m Out'and'Out humhug. So gave her
scvcntyllve cents, and told her 10 go and
have good time. ! never begrudgc
money when my wife's happiness Is con.
Cerncd, my first wife never could com.
plain OI not going anywhere, for l. nm
dreadful fierce 10 90 oft on a good time
myself, aud always was. u don't pretend
10 say how many times took her out 10
see the sights; and there was NJ end To
the number Of free lectures let her 20
10. The ncighbOrs used 10 say ut
beats all how the SINNERS do go.'
When the circus was in SkunkyillG the
manager gave my wife ticket. not
only sold that ticket for my wife, but
gave her halt the money. don't boast
ofit but only mention il to show how
much thought Of her happiness.
don't think any man ought To get
married unless he can consider his wifc's
happiness only second To his own. John
Wise, HneighbOr Of mine, did thusly, and
when got married concluded 10 do
likewise.
But the plan didn't work in the case
of my second wife. Mol should say
not | hroached the subject kindly.
Matilda, said |, 81 suppose yon are
aware that ! am now your lord and mas.
terY
"NOt much you amt" said she.
Mrs. Skinner" said ], "yOu are fearful.
y disorganized. You are cranky" And
brandishcd my new sixty cent umbrella
wildly around her.
She took the umbrella away from me
and locked inc up in the clothes. press.
am quick TO draw an inference, and
the inference drew here was that was
not success MS rcorganizer Of female
women.
After this | changed my tactics. let
her have her own way; and the plan
from the first worked like charm. 1t is
the best way OF managing wife that
know Of
OF course, this is between you and me.
It's secret worth knowing.
So, when my wife said she was bound
to go oil on II wedding tour anyhow, l.
cordially aSScntcd
eco, Matilda" said |, "nnd stay rs
long as you want to; then il you feel rs
though yon would like To stay little
longer, stay, my dear"
She told me To stop talking, and 20 up
stairs and get her red flannel night cap
and that bag Of pcnnyroyal for her Aunt
Abigail My wife is very smart woman.
She was lSaXter-and the BaXtcrs are
very smart family, indeed Her mother,
who is going on eighty, can fry more slap.
jacks than hall Of those primp.up town
girls who rattle on the piano or walk the
streets with their iurhclows and iiXings,
pretending to get mad if u young chap
looks at them pretty hard, hut getting
mad in earnest if you take no notice Of
them At all.
All! girls amt what they used to he
WHEN was young, and the fellows are
worse still. When went counting, Tor
instance, never thought Of staying till
after ten o'clock, and only went twice n
week. Now they 20 seven nights in the
week, and cry because there amt eight.
Then they write touching notes 10 each
other through the day-"Drar George
Do you love me as much rs You did ut
quarter to twelve last night? Say YOU
iO, dearest, and it will give me courage
To 60 down and tackle Them cold beans
lett over from yesterday
Well, well suppose they enjoy them.
selves, and it amt iGr Us old folks, whose
hearts have got little caIlorlscd by long
wear, to interfere. Let them get together
and court if they like it-and think
they do. was forty seven when court.
ul my present wife, but it seemed lust AS
nice Ia sit On little cricket ut her feet,
and lcl her smooth my hair, rs il did
thirty years ago.
As said before, my wife was u smart
woman, hut she coulln'tb be anything else
AMI hr II RnNtrr SIN, usrI ia NV. lrr