The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1872-06-19
GFaeiey's Picture.
DRAWN By MARX TWAIN.

He next goes to breakfast, which is O
frugal. abstemious meal with him, and
consists of nothing but just such things
as the market affords-nothing more.
He drinks nothing but water-nothing
whatever but water and coffee, and tea
and Scotch nle, and lager beer and
lemonade with fly in it. sometimes q
house.fy and sometimes horse.fy,
according to the amount of inspiration
required to warm him up to his daily
duties. During breakfast, he reads the
Tribune all through. and enjoys the satis-
faction of knowing that all the brilliant
things in it, written by Young. and
Cooke, and Hazard, and myself, are
attributed to him by confding and
ignorant public.
After breakfast, he writes short edi-
torial, and puts large dash at the be-
ginning OF it, thus 60 which is the
same as if he put 81. G. after, and takes
a savage pleasure in rejecting that none
of us understrappers can use that dash
except in profane conversation when
chafng over the outrage. He writes
this editorial in his own handwriting.
He does it because he is 80 vain of his
penmanship. He always did take an in
ordinate pride in penmanship. He hired
out once, in his young days, as writ
ing-master, but the enterprise failed.
The pupils could not translate his marks
with any certainty. His first copy was
..virtue is its own reward" and they got
it washing with soap is low and alb
snrd;" and 80 the trustees discharged
him for attempting to convey bad morals
through the medium of worse penman.
ship. But, as I was saying, he writes
bio lrpino Thon ho kr;ao -
read it over, and can't do it, and so he
sends it to the printers, and they try to
read it, and can't do it; and 80 they set
it up at random, as you may say, putting
in what words they can make out; and
when they get aground on long word,
they put in "proteotion" or "universal
suffrage" and spar off and paddle ahead; !;
and next morning, if the degraded pub.
lie can tell what it is all about, they say
shat 81. G.. wrote it; and if they can't,
they say it is one OF those imbecile
understrappers, and that is the snd of it.
On Sundays Mr.. Greeley sits in pro-
minent pew in Mr.. Ohapin's church. and
lets on that he is asleep, and the coDgre-
cation regard it as eooentricity OF geniue.
When he is going to appear in public,
Mr.. Greeley spends two hours on his
toilet. He Is the most pains-takiug and
elaborate man about getting up his dress
that lives In America. This is his chief
eat and pleasantest foible. He puts On
his old white overcoat and turns up the
collar. he puts on soiled shirt, saved
from the wash, and leaves one end Of the
collar unbuttoned. He puts on his most
dilapidated hat, turns it wrong side be.
fore, oants it on the back of his head.
and jams an extra dent in the side of it.
He puts on his most atrocious boots, and
spends fifteen minutes tucking the left
leg of his pants into the boot-top in
what shall seem the most oareless and
unstudied way. But his cravat-it is
into the arrangement Of hia cravat that
he throws all his soul, all the powers OF
his great mind. After fixing it for forty
minutes before the glass, it is perfect-it
is askew in every way-it overfows his
ooat-collar on one side and sinks into OBJ.
livion on the other-it climbs and it
delves around about his neok-the knot
is conspicuously displayed under his left
ear, and it stretches one of his long ends
straight out horizontally, and the other
goes after his eye, in the good old
Toodles fashion-and then, completely
and marvelously appareled, Mr.. Greeley
strides forth, rolling like q sailor, a
miracle OF astounding costumery, the
awe and wonder of the nation!
Nice dishes. Monkey outlets and par-
rot pie, were served up to a South
American traveller.