The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-06-28
The lslofrat.
friday ........JUNE %, 1872.
scHssoRENGs.


Something that always 'sgoes with
the neutrality-suspicious..
All the advertisements ask for
plain cook. The wives write them.
Marriage is styled cart Union"
Perhaps SO. but not always.
You should not stone your neigh
Dor, but you may rock his baby.
In India q lac of rubies is wealth;
here a lack of dollars is poverty.
OF all the birds that please us with
their lays, the most popular is the
hen.
One of those things no fellow can
find out-A good husband after II
P. NJ.
II an acquaintance fails to recog-
nize you in the cars, is it a railway
cut?"
The nan who wrote 81 am saddest
when 1 sing" was a fool to sing
much.
The iron foundries are "casting"
about to see how they can raise their
prices.
A Detroit picture dealer says the
hardest work he has to do is to frame
excuses.
The mar who s'took a view impair
tally" has been laid up for picture
stNiing.
Why is a mrff like a fool? Be-
cause it holds q lady's hand without
squeezing it.
If a topper and a gallon of whiskey
were left together, which would be
drunk first?
The debt of nature should never
be paid if it can't be paid without an
execution"
When a man has "no mind of his
own his wife generally gives him a
piece OF hers.
Where ought we always to find the
milk OF human kindness? In the
pale of the church.
Our friend Quiz says he has two
vehicles-one in the barn and his
wife's a little sulky.
Who was the straightest man in
the Bible? Joseph-because Phar-
aoh made a ruler of him.
The dead are never i'll. Conse-
quently all diseases may be classified
as affections Of the liver.
An Illinois paper speaks of three
men who have gone crazy recently
zone for love, one for religion, and
one on general principles"
Click says the nap you take last
before rising from your bed is like
the morning paper you readat break
fast. 1t is your latest snoose.
The New-York Mail states as one
of '.the advantages of being intoxi-
Gated" the ability to jump from rail-
road trains without being killed.
SIS molasses good for a cough?"
inquired a young girl with a slight
cold. sit ought to be-" was the re-
Ply tit is sold for consumption"
What's in a name?-Doom is run
ming for Governor of Nebraska;
Iooney for Congress, in Tennessee:
and Hobby for Congress in Texas.
A complimentary comparison.
Mrs. Gubbins says her husband is
exactly Ike a tallow candle, because
he will always smoke when he is 60
ing out.
Mamma" said a delicate little
boy, tim afraid a fever would 60
hard with me-" "Why, my SOM"
"'Cause I'm so small, it wouldn't
have room to turn"
Putting and blowing are some
times considered synopsis terms.
Reporters, however, discover the
difference, when instead of putting a
man up they blow him up.
At a spiritual seance the other
night, the ghostly visitor was asked
what was the most popular amuse-
ment in the spirit land. Reading
obituary notices." was the answer.
A wise physician once said: 81
observe that every one wishes to 90
to Heaven, but I observe also, that
most people are willing to take a
great deal of d~isagreeable medicine
The city Of Rome is said to be :
honey-combed with about nine hun !
dred miles of -subteranean passage
ways, cut through the solid rock, and
that these contain the bodies of from ,
six to sever millions of human be-
ings, entombed there since the CITY a
was built. !
One of the latest sensation stories
commences with the casual remark: ! !
did you ever, gentle reader, have a
tussle with a full grown Bengal c
tiger?' The Chicago Post says
eve did, and if the king had turned,
as we bet it would, we'd have been s
$35 ahead"
"'Mother," said little Ned, one !
morning, after having fallen out of
bed, 81 think [ know why I fell out
of bed last night. It was because I il
slept too near where I got in."-ii j,
Musing a little while, as If in doubt :.
whether he had given the right ex- Il
PLANTATION, he added. "No, that s
wasn't the reason; it was because I ;,
too near where I fell out" .
Jones assumes, ON coming home to :
the bearing of an outraged
husband: "Why is it, Mrs. Jones. ]
you ride through Wall street in
very equipage I am struggling to i
maintain for you at a high charge,
md cut your husband?" Mrs. Jones
1t C treasures him: "You GER
wo115 not hove a, e