The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1872-02-24


A bath for eyerybody-Sabbath.
Relative beauty-a pretty cousin.
SENsIHLE-A Connecticut Enoch Arden re-
turned home, took in the situation at a glance,
tearfuly borrowed dollar from his successor, and
departed.
DIsGUsTED-Dr Mary Walker is disgusted at
the prospect of tight pantaloOns coming into
fashion again She says they make her look like
pair Of tongs.
WHAT 1T SIcyrF1Es.-A Western editor informs
a correspondent that the words :. No cards." ac-
companying a marriage notice, signify that the
welded pair don't play poker.
WEIGH ?-The question of the day is whether
it is more difficult for girl of the period to get
her clothes in her trunk her trunk in her clothes
The FIRsr.-It is believed that the first one
who supplied the navy with salt provisions was
Noah when he took Ham into the ark.
SARcAsTIc.-A Baltimore preacher says he con-
-erted II 900 little children last year. An irrev-
ja6 < exchange sarcastically asks, '' To what did
o3nvert them ?" In their natural condition
old - OF such is the kingdom of heaven" "
Achange tells that at twenty years of
Az, Leland Stanford arrived in California with
ONLY one shirt 10 his back. Since then, by close
attention to business, he has accumulated over ten
millions" What the deuce can a man want with
ten million shirts
Miss julia said gentleman to a lady in
shower: permit me to walk by you, and to
shelter YOU with my umbrella !" 81 see,'
archly said the lady, you want to be my rain
beau"
WEDDING HYMS.-A marriage notice in
Troy paper is accompanied by the following
lines
No more they will mourn their wldered sittawatiOn
AAb sythe without mitigation,
TReir sorrows IS ended, their troubles is O'eri
he hat sCornful and cold a stun,
Has surrendered at last TO the fortunate one
SUPREME FoLLY.-Josh Billings says, " Most
emmy man will cOnceed that il looks foolish to see
a boy drag a heavy sled up hill for the feetn'
plesher of ridin' down again but 1t appears to
me that the boy is a sage by the side Of the
Young man who works hard all the week, and
drinks his wages on Saturday night"
JOSH Billings on MnK.-I want to say some
thing want to say something in reference to
milk az a fertilizer. There various kinds
milk-sweet milk, sour milk, skim milk, butter
milk COW milk and the milk of human Kindness;
but the mostest best milk IL the milk that hasn't
the most water in 1t Butter milk izZent the
best milk for butter. Milk spontaneous, and
has done more to encourage the growth OF human
folks than any other likwid- Milk IL lacteal 1t
IL also aquatic, while under the patronage of
milk veuders. Milk IL mysterious. Cokernut
has never been solved yet. Milk IL also another
name for human kindness. Milk and bread is
pleasant mixtur. Sometimes if milk IL allowed
which is apt to skare folks that live in cities,
but il duzzent follow that the milk IL nasty this
scum IL called kreme by folks who inhabit the
country. Kreme IL the parent of butter, and
butter IL 20 cents pound. The most common
milk IN use without any doubt, IL skim milk.
Skim milk il made by skimming the milk, which
is considered sharp praetiss- Milk IL obtained
from cows hogs, wOOdehux, rats, squirrels, and
all other animals that have hair. Snaix and
geese don't give milk. + forgot to state, in con-
raH HIN,
ten cents per quart
A concert was announced to take place at Ra-
cine Wisconsin. Five young men were to be
chosen Of extreme physical beauty, moral habits.
intellectual and accomplished Then $4,000
tickets were to be distributed at two dollars each,
which would make 500 600 TO be divided equally
amongst those five young gentlemen, S2O,OOO
being allotted to each. The whole orchestra
sisted of two drums, which were to be played in
4 very remarkable way. In the first drum were
TO be placed the so 900 tickets and in the second
the photographs of the five young gentlemen. The
drums were then to be turned for half an hour,
and the drawing then followed. 4 number was
to be taken simultaneously out of each drum, and
that Young lady who obtained the number that
was drawn would gain the husband whose picture
was taken from the second drum. Of course
where the requirements for qualification as can
didate were so very strict, both In mental and
physical endowments-more especially when we
remember how rarely these charms are to be found
combined-it was only fair that some measures
should be taken to protect the young men, and
accordingly the projectors OF the scheme an
uouneed: l, that the tickets could only be
bought by girls widows "a statement that one
might think was almost Unnecessary; and 3,
that the following classes would be vigorously
eluded from the privileges of purchase: All wo-
men who had had two husbands, all girls over
thirty and under SIXTEEN all brunettes whose skin
was so dark that you could trace upon it with a
piece of coal a white (sie) line, and lastly. and
most imperatiyely, all holders Of opinions favour
able to - women's rights 1t was expected the
concert would be crowded.