The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1872-04-19
Varieties.

tarlttieSs
CAT.MUsIc is done purr.puss-ly, isn't
it?
An of:hand fellow-one that has lost
both his arms.
KANGAROO leather is recommended for
leap.year wear.
WHAT man carries everything before
him ?-The waiter.
HINT TO MoTHERs.-Treat your babe
kindly, but not cordially.
For ladi s A receipt for dressing the
hair-First buy your hair.
WHEN is a person not a person p
When he's lame'un (layman.)
IT is said that after Lots wife was
turned to salt he got a fresh one.
DOCTOR calls his dog Cinchona, on
account of the bitterness of it. bark.
CAN a watch be said to be perfectly
dry when it has running spring in
side?
IT is not strange if an ass once talked
like a man, while so many men talk
like asses.
EVERY woman is in the wrong until
she cries-and then she is in the right
Immediately.
PEOPLE in the suburbs can make hot
beds by going to sleep while smoking
Detroit Free Press.
A TOLEDO chap was quite smitten with
his neighbours wife. She did it with a
rolling-pin.
SOME one, speaking of the red nose of
an Incorporate man, said lit was very
expensive painting"
SHAKESPEARE would never have asked,
What's in an aim? if he had been
hit on the head with brick.
as NOT Horace Greeley college-bred
man p asks correspondent. "No,
sir; he is a Graham-bread man."
81 HAD rather have newspapers with
out government" said Jefferson, A." than
government without newspapers"
THE minister who divides his dis
courses into too many heads will find it
difficult to procure attentive ears for all
of them.
THEY have so many dogs in Little
Rock, Ark, that it is proposed TO estab-
fish extensive tanneries there to utilize
the bark.
care YOU the mate Of the ship?'
asked an emigrant of the cook, who was
an Trishman. Z" No, sir" was the reply
81 am the man who cooks the mate"
A TEACHER, catechising his scholars,
put the question, "What was made to
give light to the world ?" "Matches ~
cried one of the youngers, after short
/ pause.
JUDGE HoAR once said of a lawyer:
:" He has reached the superlative life;
at first he sought to get on, and then he
sought to get honor, and now ne is try
ing to get honest"
A POLITICAL aspirant after an cleo
tioneering harangue, met his particular
friend with, well, my dear sir, did
you hear my last speech p Il hope
SC" was the reply.
A YANKEE doctor has contrived to
extract from sausages powerful tonic,
which he says contains the whole
strength Of the original bark. He calls
it the Sulphate of Canine.
Corn in the ear is apt to affect the
| hearing If eaten green it will make
the voice husky. When dealt out as
army ratons, coLonelS should always be
served first, and then the men privately.
THOMPSON is not going to do anything
more in conundrums. He recently
asked his wife the difference between
his head and a hogshead, and she said
there was none. lie says that is not
the right answer.
SPEAKING of pages, few years ago
fat drunkard accosted Sol. Shap, then
Senator, for some position, saying:
" Don't you remember me- used 10
be page ?" Well" responded Sol,
"you have grown into volume"
SWELL, Sniflles," sold an employer to
his new clerk, have you posted the
ledger? ?" - Yeth, thir," lisped Sntiies
1" I've pointed the ledger but, lor, it
wath too big for the letter boxth, and |
had to take it inthide the potht offeth u
THE following affecting query was ad.
dressed to his sweetheart by a poetical
lover in Egypt
If you was dog. and was hog,
| And | got into your masters yard,
| And your master was to sic you on me,
Would you bite me rerv hard?
DR.. Y. had feast, among other
things, and very unprofessional, seeing
it is made of enlarged and diseased
livers, pate d. foie grdS. A day or two
after, when he wished to order some
thing for lunch, the cook mildly sug-
gested: Eyes, sir, there's almost the
whole of that paddy's photograph that
you had the other day.
AN artless newspaper man, who lately
bought few sausages, thus relates his
troubles / got them sausages home
without getting bit; and | cut them
apart and LETT them. In the morning |
visited them. Three of 'em' had cud.
died up together, and were sleeping
sweetly. Two of 'em had crawled to
my milk pail and were tapping the
milk, and one, black and white one,
was on the back fence trying to catch
an English sparrow. | drowned the
| who'll. Lot