Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-11-15
HunOr.


by the foot.
A hindrance to acknowledgements
tax on matches.
Consolation for the ladiss-The world
ahounds with him. projections.
To Drunkards- The pawnbroker's is not
the proper place to take the pledge.
An Irish editor congratulates himself that
''half the lies told about him amt true"
Don't take too much interest in the. affairs
Of your neighbors Six per cent. will do.
A party hearing Of dog after Landseer,
wanted to know what he was after him for
A piscatorial party is what they call it
now. When we were boy they called it
goin' fishing"
The Louisville Courier-Jourmaz, speaks
of well-known newspaper man as assistant
idiot on the
There is widow in England who enjoys
an income Of $3.50, 900 year. She has no
other incumbrances
We cannot complain Of women's extrava-
gance now. She wears her dresses long
enough, goodness knows.
A Maine alderman, invited to attend a
centennial jnbilee, replied, II can't attend
this one, but I'll 60 next time"
'The earth is the Lords" 'Lots 40z6O
for $780, were adjoining inscriptions at the
Sea Cliffs oampmeeting grounds"
A printer recently made ''Bs Ye There
fore Stcadfast," the text of minister's SER
mon, "Be Ye There for Breakfast
When couple Of young people strongly
devoted to each other, commence to eat
onions, it is safe to pronounce them engaged
A Leavsnworth editor sat down in re.
served seat already occupied by hornet
He stands up when scissoring his editorials
now.
This is Western item: "Kemp's brew
cry, with $4,000 Of proscriptive lager,
went up in fiery chariot at Dubuque last
week.
Two newspaper editors in Montana Ter
ritory have bet their offices, good will and
all, on Congressional election in certain
district.
''Thero, now," cried little Bessie the 9th.
er day, rummaging drawer in the bureau,
'grandpa has gone to heaven without his
spectacles."
A man who has invented new receipt
for cleaning clothes, parades it on his adver-
tisements under the standing head Of "Every
Man His Own Washer woman.w
The Rondout Times has been victmized
by travelling 'jour" printer, who is des-
cribed as "a short, scrawny individual, with
more jaw than government mule"
This is personal item in the most ap.
proved style Of the Western papers: Jacob
Bungander blew into the muzzle of his gun
to see if it was loaded. 1t was. A funeral
on Sunday.
A Western girl who had been we'll
kisses her, and she is so pretty that half the
mrrried and all the single men in town ave
black eyes.
II young lady wishes a young gentle
man to kiss her, what papers would she men
ton? No Spectator, DO Observer, DO Eu-
quirsr, but as many Times as you please
and by as many MAILS.
A wit being asked by a seedy poet wheth-
er he had ever written anything that would
live replied, Before you trouble yourself
on that score, l advise you to write some
thing that will let you live"
A good.natured traveller fell asleep in
railroad train and was carried few miles
beyond his destination. ''Pretty good joke
this, isn't II" said he to fellow. passe er.
YES, but little too far fetched" was
the rejoinder.
A few years since, at the celebration of
our national anniversary, pedlar who was
present, being called upon for toast, Offer
cd the following :-"Here is health to pov.
erty it sticks to man when all his friends
forsake him.
A lady friend, writing from the White
Mountains, says, cit rains here three weeks
at time-none of your drizzling, misty,
dewy rains, but a genuine storm that comes
down as if it loved to, and had plenty of
water to carry on the business
An old carpenter who had been employed
At job work by an old lady, was asked WHY
people Of his trade always charged moro in
proportion for collins than they did for chairs
and tables. "Well, you see, ma'am it's
just because people won't bring collins back
to be repaired"
A German nfarble-cutter of Albany has
instituted a suit against well-known dealer
for payment Of wages. The workman was
instructed to cut upon tombstone, ''Let
her soul rest in peace" but being cramped
for want Of space he abbreviated the sen.
tence thus: "Let her soul r. l. D." The
person who ordered the stone would not &C.
cepted it, and it was returned to the owner.
A clergyman created quite morriment
the other day on one Of our steamers, going
over to lay out new camp.meeting resort.
by the inquiry: "What positive proof is
there that King David and his son Solomon
were tailors ?" No one in the crowd could
answer, and the humorous divine quoted
the familiar passage: 'And Solomon mend.
cd the breaches which David his father. had
made"
A colored man was once asked why he
did not get married:
"Why, you see, sah," said he, II got an
ole mudder, an I hab to do for her, you
see, sab, an Of didn't buy her shoes and
stockin's, she wouldn't get none. Now,