The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1872-08-15
Billings, Wit and Wisdom.

Kind Fortune, teach thi servant hui
mility, but let no sneak of an upstart
outshine him in things that are stylish.
Civ unto me morality cepious; and
may mi shirt kollars be sitter than china
and whittier than snowballs in winter.
Smile, thou goddess dear, at mi mus
tash, and may mi wisdom begrase-even
like unto Solamans.
Grant that may pattern be, worthy
OF all imitashun, and that able may be
tew wear boot number 8 on these
number 10 feet ov mine.
Fill up mi cup tew the brim's very top
with honor and honesty, and make mi
neckties mine enemies tew smite with
sorrow and confushion.
Take away from me all vanity, but
grant that mi Sunday panterloons may
fit me even az korn fitch the kob.
Remove far from me, o gentle For
tune! all pride and vain ostentashun,
but grant that mi name amung wimmen
may ever be spoken in acksents of glad
ness.
Make mi heart tew glisten with char
ity, but teach mi taylor and shumaker
how tew wait for their mummy and be
happy.
Let mi heart feast on the truth, but
smile thou upon mi kork leg and peri
wig nobby.
Remove far from me all gluttony, but
preserve mi appetite for toast with a
quail on it in all its original buty.
Teach me tew shun all decepshun, but
help me tew marry big pile at last,
making sum maiden or young widdo
happy.
Take away from mi heart all envy,
but grant, kind Fortune, that mi hat
kant be beat, nor the lavender tint ov
mi gloves be exceeded.
Fill me with courage true and reddy,
but if emmy man offers tew smote me,
| give tew me the heetness ov venison and
mi legs the speed of the roebuck.
Remove all affectashun far from me,
but enable me to keep up appearance,
if have tew cheat little tew do it.
Take away out ov mi site all kinds ov
Running, but teach me tew keep a
sekret, the grocer who sells me mi hair
di.
Abuv all things with modesty shower
me. Yes make me all dripping wet
but don't let me looze good chance mi
nu koat to spread before the eyes OF
men filed with envy.
Make me at all times of the poor
heather thoughtful, at church not for
getting the platter to annoint with a 1C
cent plaster.
| Remove from me all gra hares and
pimples, all bunyans and korn pestiver.
Gus, and grant that mi calls still fatten
on saw durst, and mi cheeks feed on
plumpers, and mi harte ever bubble and
bile over with mersy.
Teach me mi kane tew whirl so pecu.
liar, and mi mustash tew twist into such
long drawn out sweetness that all the
people shall kali me " Yung Purity"
Smile thou upon all hatters and bar
bers, all shirt-makers and gloviers, all
perfumers and dentists, all wash vim.
men and shu blacks, and forgive them
the diets may owe them, and kause me
tew weep over man and hiz menny mis-
fortins.
Bless all maids ov estate, all widdo'l
with mummy, all mothers ov fashion with
daughters tew marry all good matches
laying around loose, but chiefly Civ mt
a Conscience full ov aroma.
Lengthen out, kind Fortune, the day
ov mi unkle. but should he happen t.
slip away sudden, bow me down will
sorrow bekuming.
Listen, dear Fortune, listen Civ IN
the style of heart breaking Adonis, lie
the virtews all seek mi acquaintance
and feed with nu fires exquisit the soil
taire that burns on mi buzzum.
l will raize thee an altar, kind For
tune, an altar as hi az a lamp post,
these mi prayers are nswered-farewel
for the present-don't go back on Bea
, Bennett, the beautiful !-New Yor
Weekly.