Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1872-08-29
Varieties.

w hAI 10 bll0 1uOSG IKE d uOrSO 1OOG
A mares
WILD oats are the only crop that
grows by gaslight.
A FLIRT's heart is like an omnibus-it
always has room for one more.
WHAT we know about the Darwin
theory-"Thereby hangs tall"
WHICH eat most grass, black sheep orr
white? White, because there are more
of them.
WHAT is that which every living be-
ing has seen, but never will see again p
Yesterday.
SINGLES says that the most thrillin}y
tale he ever listened to was that Of 4
rattlesnake.
THE police are said to be like the
rainbow because they never appear tila
after the storm.
They allude to bald-headed persons,
in Colorado as persons with their headls
above timber-line.h
If you lei the cat out of the bag,
never try to cram it back again; it only
makes matters worse.
WHY is it important for physician
to keep his temper? Because if he did
not he would lose his patients.
THE time to possess your soul in pa
tience is when your hat blows off in the
street and your eyes are too full of dirt
to see which way it goes.
A CERTAIN minister once took for his
morning text, eye are of your father,
the devil"-and in the afternoon, un.
consciously, children, obey your pa
rents" I
| A MECHANIC in Vermont village prh
out placard. ~ Will Not Trust NJ
More" whereupon his rival across tn,
street put over his shop door the work Eds
"Trust Here Forever" Could compseti
ton do more?
Irwas brilliant Fond du Lac ybo,
who, seeing a dog with muzzle on. fol
the first time, exclaimed: "Maphma
mamma, l bet five cents the dogs al 60
ing to wear hoop skirts; there goes 8
dog with one on his nose!'
THE cash value of a Chinaman'fs pig
tail has been judicially establis he'd in
Portland, Oregon, where thirty Cauca
slams, who had by force shorn Qelestia
heather of his queue, were recently
fined $50 apiece, or $500 in all.
| The other day little boy who had
cut his finger ran to his mother ano
cried, Tie it up, ma, tie it up quick,
for the juice is all running outt?n The
same urchin, on one of the late exces
sively hot days, appealed to his mother
for help, saying, INA, do fix me up, fol
I'm leaking all over !"
"Now, my boy" said committee
man, ''if had a mince pie and should
give two-twelfths to Isaac, tw o-twelfths to
Harry, two-twelfths to John, and should
take half the pie myself, what would
there be left? Speak uploud-loud, SC
that the people can hear you" "The
platep'
A CONNECTICUT amateur farmer swings
the scythe with one hand and bears
aloft the trusty umbrella with the
other. The doctors are said to sit upon
the fence and watch him with unselfsh
interest, and even the potato-bugs drop
their implements Of toll to watch the
energetic agriculturist.
SAIo Anna to her lover, Augustus,
why art thou so dull? Is there nothing
that can animate thee ~ With look
of fond and deathless devotion beaming
, upon his countenance, Augustus re
piled, "None but thee can Anna-mate
} me, darling. Speak Wilt thou?" She
spoke. and the cup of his animation
was filed to overlooking.
''CAN you lend me five hundred dol
lars ~ asked city fop of an old bank
er. "What security can you give me p
"My own personal security" every
well; get in here" said the banker, lift.
ing the lid of a large iron chest. "What
! do you want me to get in there for ??
exclaimed the fop, drawing back in
alarm. because that's where 1 keep
all my securities" grimly replied the
banker; whereupon the fop hastily with
drew.
A SOLDIER was seen in the trenches
holding his hand above the earthwork
His captain asked, "What are you do
ing that for, Pat?n He replied with a
grin and working of his fingers. ~
am feelin' for furlough, surel" Just
then rifle ball struck his arm below
, the wrist. Slowly drawing it down, and
grasping it with the other to restrain
the blood, queer expression of pain
and humor passed over his face, as he
exclaimed, "An' faith it's discharged