The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1872-09-27
KU'JAOEsOIIS.

tor everything, said Aunt Mary
Il have ma ana great many places
for everything, replied Tom.
Rector's daughter 10 Sunday Schol-
/. ar - ''Oh vou have an elder brother ;
well. how old i he z" School-boy-
'.Dmno. miss, but he Just started O
swearin. ~
A Judge, reprimamling criminal,
called him scoundrel. The prisoner
replied: Sir. am not as big Il
ScOundrel aS your honor"--here the
culprit stopped, hut iiuaIly added
Takes me to be. Put your words
closer together, >" said the judge.
A youth stepped into n bookstore
and asked Whit kind Of pens do you
sell here. nister:'' IAN kinds, you
young rascal. answered one Of the
clerks. DO you?" said the little
chap, then give me ten cents worth
ofpig-pens."
Come here, Jimmy" said little
girl. ''atd look at the moon. Halt of
it is pushed into the sky, and half otit
is sticking out"
DO YOU keep matches?" asked a
wag of a country grocer, "Oh yes, all
kinds. was the reply. We'll, I'll
take a trotting match, y said the wag.
Lawyer; ''How do you identify this
handkerchief Witness: by Its
general appearance, and the fact that
have others like it." Lawyer:
''That's no proof. for have one just
like 1t in my pocket" Witness: II
don't doubt that--I had more of the
same sort stolen.
II believe in going to the bottom of
things!!' as the schoolmarm said when
she laid refractory pupil over her
knee.
Horace Greeley recently dreamed
dream. which he wOve into poem of
six-Stanz;ls. The following Is one of
them:
''Oh sweet were the vanished hours
When | wandered along the glen
And wreathed my brow with tomatoes,
And plucked the ripened hen;
When the donkey climbed on a trellis,
And cucumber ehirpd in the grass.
And the sweet potato whistled
To bis mate in the mountain pass"
A gentleman of Fremont, Ohio. had
q reception at his house the other
evening. and when the guests went
away it took all night to wash the tar
aud pick the feathers off his peron.
Nor THAT KIND OF A NosE.-Eyen
in political matters iefs always best to
he sure Of man you talk to. as the
following shows:
A gentleman Of this city dropped
into 4 reading room Of hotel recent
~. and while sitting there CONVERSE
ton upon politics grew up between
himself and a stranger who is stopping
at the hotel. Now, our Dayton friend,
we should explain, is blessed with
nose OF exceedingly rOseate hue. The
stranger soon began TRADE OF busc
against the administration: he de-
nOunced President Grant as both
kuave and u fool. and asserted that
ufir whole government was a very
cts. .,iool OF corruption.
Our friend of the Rubicllnd nasal
organ hear him through. then rising
from his chair he astOnislled the stran-
ger by laying his finger upon his fiery
nose and re,narking: ''See here strait
ger. I'm not a Democrat that's "A
boil !"
WFNT FOR HM.-A rough looking
specimen of humanity was recently
promellading up Chatham Street, New
York, when he came plump upon Il
lew. specimen Of his race, upon
whom there could he no mistake.
Without word OF warning, the
rough knocked him sprawling into
the gutter. Picking himself 10. and
taking his bleeding nose between his
thumb and finger he demanded an eX-
planation.
''Sbnt up or II paste y0u again.
shouted the aggressor, approaching
him.
N nefer done nottingS nit you, and
whit for you mash me in der nose z"
asked Abraham.
YES yer hev; you Jews crucified
the Savior. and have mind to go
for ye again"
'.But, mine Got, dat vas eighteen
hundred years ago, = said the jew.
.sWell, I,don't care If IL was, 1 only
heard Of 1t last night, !" and he went