Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1872-08-08
Mlistellanepns &eading.
PRACTICAL JOKE ON HORACE GREELEY

1ne laying OI Lue ALiautic caoio was Ceio-
brated by a dinner in the Metropolitan Hotel.
Many old New York merchants, who had
been farmers and country mechanics in their
boyhood days, were among the guests. One
of the latter was Horace Greeley, who occu-
pied seat near the presiding officer. Many
of the old merchants appeared with old steel
watch-guards and antiquated swallow-tail
coats. Mr.. Greeley wore his usual claw-ham
mer. The merchants did not understand the
French bill of fare, and without waiting for
the regular course, many of them ordered the
walters to bring up beefsteak. Mr.. Greeley
followed suit. When the wine was brought
on, majority of the company drank freely.
Mr.. Greeley placed his hand over his glass
and refused to accept wine, saying that ne
drank only y water. o.. m,"
Warren Leland, the proprietor of the hotel,
felt much chagrined at Mr.. Greeley's action.
He went to him and said: "Now, look here,
Horace, this is not treating your old neighbor
right. You and have been farmers for
years together. You have borrowed my har-
row, and I have borrowed your plow. When
I wanted a scythe, went to your place and
borrowed it. Ifyou run out of corn, my barn
was always open to you. Here it is the first
time that you have ever been in my house,
and I think that neighborly feeling ought to
require that you should take little something
and not drink cold water" ,.
"Now, Warren" answered Mr.. Greeley,
"there's no use Of talking, I never drank a
drop of spirituous liquors since I signed the
pledge in 1922, and I shall never drink
drop. iii was going to drink glass ofrum,
I would just as soon drink with you as any
other man. But can't do it; now 60 away
and let me alone"
Warren grew red in the face. "Mr. Gree
ley" he said, "this is not treating me right.
Here have kept hotel in New York
city for nearly twenty years, and the first time
yt come into it you refuse to drink my
health"
"No DON'T" replied Horace ri will drink
your health with great pleasure" raising his
glass of water.
"Not in water" answered Warren; "that is
not the fluid to drink mans health in. I
insist that you shall let me mix you drink.
I will mix it with my own hands. I can as
sure you that no man in New York under
stands mixing drinks better than do."
Mr.. Greeley laughed and shook his head.
Warren redoubled his pleading so earnestly
that at last Horace said "Well, Warren, you
can 60 down stairs and mix me upa lemonade;
that's the best can do for you, and 1 don't
think you ought to ask me any more. Now
90 away and let me alone"
Warren went down stairs. He mixed up
the most delicious lemonade ever concocted
in the Metropolitan Hotel. He took glass
nearly as large as Weiss beer glass. He
filled it with ice, with sugar, with peppermint,
with big piece of pineapple, bit Of orange,
with slices of lemon, some tansy, Stoughton
bitters, and, last of all, about two tablespoons
full ofSazarac brandy. Then he stuck two
straws into it and took the lemonadeto Horace.
"What are those for, Warren?" asked Mr..
Greeley, pulling the straws out Of the glass
and fourishing them in Warren's face.
"Why, that's the fashionable way of drink
ing lemonade" Warren replied, "did you
never suck cider with straw out of a bung-
hole when boy"
eyes," replied Horace, "but this is not cider,
and I don't see any bung-hole I prefer the
old fashioned way Of drinking lemonade" and
he pulled the two straws out of the glass and
dropped them into his hat, which was on the
table at his side.
Then Horace drank the lemonade. A pleas
ant expression stole over his countenance.
He stopped when half through, and said:
"Well, Warren, this is great lemonade.
This is good lemonade. I never tasted any
better. You certainly have remarkable fac
ulty for mixing lemonade"
Warren puckered up his mouth like rat
hole, and gavevent to one Of his heavy laughs.
There was more vim than sound in Warren's
laugh. Mr.. Greeley finished his lemonade.
Afterit had disappeared strange light began
to caper in Horace's eyes. He talked more
freely than usual. His sayings were spiced
with quaint oddities. He talked of plows
coulters and martingales, then of breeching-
straps and Yankee scythe-snaths, Of new
jumped axes, saw-bucks and patent corn shell
lers, of old dog-drums, and of the thousand
and one things connected with farming
1t was one of the most interesting converse
tions that was ever held in the Metropolitan
Hotel Warren drank in Horaces words Of
wisdom after Horace had drunk Warren's
lemonade.
In few moments Horace said: "Warren,
I would like another lemonade, but don't take
the trouble to 60 down stairs and mix it your
self; let one of the walters bring it." Warren
fired up in an instant. He said he could be
guilty of no such act of discourtesy to an old
friend. He insisted upon going himself, and
he went. The second lemonade was mixed
like the first, with the exception that Warren
chucked in three tablespoonful of Sazarac
brandy instead of two. Horace took the
tumbler and sucked the drink in like three
year-old child. "Warren," he said, "this
lemonade is even better than the other one.
You are great man, Warren, and you know
how to keep hotel your art or mixing lem
onade is unsurpassed"
Horace drained the glass. He put it down,
and looked as though he was sorry he had got
through it so quick. The merry twinkle in
his eye increased His talk famed with wit.
Those who were fortunate enough to be seated
near him roared with laughter. They were
filled with wine, and Horace was filled with
lemonade. Lemonade was productive of more
wit than wine. 1t was a great temperance
lecture, though none of them so regarded it.
The company broke up at late hour, and
though Horace took not drop of the hum
dred bottles of wine which disappeared on that
night he went home the most intoxicated man
in the whole party.
How CALIFORNIA FIELDS ARE Flowed
The fields are plowed with what are called
gang plows, whichare simply four, six or eight
pillow shares fastened to a stout frame Of wood.
On the lighter soil eight horses draw seven
gang plow, and one such team is counted on
to put in six hundred and forty arcres of
wheat in the sowing season; or from eight to