Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1872-02-07
ODDS AND ENbS


taken before the magistrate and asksd
what his occupation was, frankly
ans cred, Stealing" "Your caador
me-" ssid the judge. II
thought it would" replied the lad,
seeing how many big 'uns there are
in the business aud 10 ashamed to swn
ilr
Brother Fowler, Of Chicago, admits
that t..ere are 'heathen, Christ-lsss
empires going on, not only toward
hell, but wsdiny on In hell to-day
chin deep :" but claims that "it 10 not
y fault Of God that they have never
heard Of Him."
Some ono. evidently n novice, pro.
pounds the following: "Why do
they do up SO much more of pears,
peaches, and small fruits now thaa
tornerlyf" because they "can."
"IIow long do you wear shirta"
severely asked an inspecting-ofacsr
of soldier whose shirt was too dirty
,or dress parade. "Twenty.~ight
inches, sir" was the respectful reply.
A distinguished writer says:
There is a passage in the Bible where
the girls are commanded to kiss tho
men, and that is in the golden rule,
Whatsoever We " ould that men should
do unto You, do We even to them"
At n wedding, in Rochester, 70.
Gently. nice lowered cake was most
horribly mutils,cd by An old gentle
man who mistook it for dish OF
mashed potatoes, and thrust spoon
into it with the remark, II will next
carve the potatoes"
In French .coWrt recently. asa
witness was about TO give his testi.
mony, the advocate remarked: Il
wish to remark 10 the court that this
witness 10 entitled to entire coun-
dcncc, as he has not had time to COLI
suit his lawyer"
A crazy man having got into the
vi thC rCu"tV "a NhO ouAkVN
States during a rambling debate, was
taken out by the Sergeant at-arms tel.
ling him that he was "out Of place In
the gallery" That's so," said the
lunatic; Il ought to have been on
the floor, with the senators"
Neal Brown died in Raleigh, N. c.,
the other day, and local paper thus
sums up his history: "When Andy
Johnson left this city, a poor tailor
boy at old Mr.. LitchIord's shop, Neal
Brown went . out with him for two
or three miles, and carried on his
back. wrapped up in an old piece OF
carpet, all the worldly goods that tho
poor tailor-boy then possessed. They
shook hands under un old tree three
miles from here, and separated.
Andy became Governor, Senator and
President. Neal lived quietly and
worked hard. Andy johnson never
went back OH his little halter friend.
even when he was President"
Pcquog, Massachusetts, puts in her
claim for the champion snOrer. Tho
Young wife of All elderly resident,
awakening from sound sleep, began
to wake her slumbcring lord smartly
To make him stop snoring. just then
there came several loud rolls Of thun.
der, and, .lr-isling from her attempt,
she resigned herself quietly to sleep,
rcmarking: 1T is only laundering
after all | thought You were susr.
ing. ~
4 Connecticut Clergyman recently
announced from the pulpit that hs
had heard man say that he had read
the Bible through in sixty hours.
Determined to ascertain whether tho
individual told tho truth, he set about
it himself, and read the whole Of it
aloud TO his wife in fitty-nine hours
and something over thirty minutes.
lie read sometimes an hour and some.
times two hours q day, keeping the
exact time, with the result indicated.
Ben BCus.-Always destroy these
vermin when the moon is new, and
you i'll then destroy all their eggs.
NEAIvOUs lIEADACHE.-Nervous
headache is said to be instantly 70.
licvcd by shampooins the head with
u quart Of cold water in which
dcsScrtsboOnful Of soda has been dis.
solved.
What nose is more brilliant than .
topcr's nose! Why, volcanoes to bs
sure. Pat remarks that the chief
glow Of each comes from the crater.
Its libel on Mr.. Greeley's knowl-
edge of farming to say that he over
wrote all essay on the proper time to
graft boot-trecs.
a good drain on q farm-Iieavy
mortgage at ten per cent. will drain
it about rs rapidly NJ any thing else
we know of.
A Western editor speaks Of his rival
As "mcan enough to steal the swill
from blind hog!" The rival retorts
by saying, "He knows he lies never
stole his SWIM"
Loafers do no, toll, neither do they
spin; but they manage to keep body
and soul together without working,
which is very tine art.
y mother was amused tho other
day to hear this bit of argument"
from her little boy: "Ma,nma, ]
don't ace how Satan could have
turned out to be much . bad fellow
there wasn't any devil to put him
up to it,"
j. Fisk, Jun., was not utterly bad.
for his efforts In behalf Of the farmers
along the Eric road when he attempt.
cd to stop tho circulation Of the New
York Tribune on his trains ought
always to be remembered by the
agricultural part Of the community
as bright spot in dark life.
II has been said that there is only
one man who has . correct idea %
the size Of tho United States, and hs
Ia the man who drove Q yskO Of oxen