Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1872-11-07
Numorou9,
Humorous.
THE only thing that can live in fire is
q live coal. -ti-,- . :>;"

~~~~ e~~
II topper and quart of whisk,
were left together, which would bs
drunk first Z
SN1oGIEs says the most thrilling tale
he ever listened 10 was that of . rattle.
snake. =: ..f.s" ~ E; ut
AouEER old gentleman being asked
what he wished for dinner, replied =
" An appetite, good company, some
thing to eat, and napkin. = 80.
WHAT is the difference between The
Girl of the Periodic seat on horseback
and her gait in walking2 One is side.
saddle, and the other sad side.
Man proposes-woman opposes, u
says = cynical bachelor, who probably
never proposed in his life.
A PRosPERous merchant has for his
motto: "Early to bed and early to
rise; never get tight, and advertise"
y. A YOUNG physician informed q lady
that she must not allow her children
" todrink much ice-water in hot wealth
er, unless the ice were perfectly ripe. y
WHE," said . man, looking for his
boot.jack, {" have places where I keen
my things, and you ought to know il. u
" Yea, I ought to know where you keen
your late hours, but I don't.
IF Uncle Sambo were to buy 4 color.
ed cotton dress for his wife, Aunt Sal
ly, Why would it be like q street door 2
Because it would be intended for m
egress.
HonE is the place for boys " said
Spinks to his eldest pride and Joy
I" Yes, " said the younRster. dutif1llv.
" I like to stay at home all the time.
but ma sends me off to school"
edo BATS ever fly in the day time r.
asked teacher of his class in natural
history. Yes, sir," The boy replied.
" What kind of bats I" asked the aston
ished teacher. Brick bats - yelled
the boys. .
How I w1sh I could take Leaf out
OF your book ~ said . scapegrace, one
day, to his pious friend. Subsequent
events proved that that, il was his
cheque book on which the young SCAMP
had fixed his mental eye.
A oouNrR1 girl, coming from 4 NOM
ing walk, was told that she looked nd
fresh as q daisy kissed BY the dow, to
which she innocently reply. .sYou've
got ny name right Daisy +; but his
Wars to become of me, if Won
die :" asked IN afeotionate vile of her
receding husband. "I don't know, -
he snapped out querulously. cit
would look better in you to be think
ing about what's to become of me I"
A RA1D-HEADED friend, of a heavy,
PhIegmatic temperament, was accosted
on the street BY . wage1sh acquaint-
ance with the inquiry, "TTom, Why is
your head like Alaska Z" "Too much
tor me, Zach-1 give it up." Because
1t IL tO|site bear place.
A NAN lately made wager that he
had seen horse going at his greatest
speed and q dog sitting on his tail, and
strange rs it may seem, he won, but the
dog sat on his own tail III
"THE foliage il fast turning to
plumage," remarked . sad young man,
as he gaxed from . window upon tho
partially denu1ed trees. 's How 20 e.
inquired .a0other--and1 -sadder young
man.: "Qont You ssee,". replied The
first g that tho leaves are nearly al
down."
A RocHEs1xa boy teased his girl for
an hour to go and take . lunch With
him and she at Last consented. Though
not feeling hungry in the least, she
managed to get away with . stew, .
plate of raw, . white fish, an Londe-
quot trout, two quail ON toast . glass
Of sherry and half . pound of cazameb.
Her escort left for Denver the next day.
AmH1E (aged nix, to bearded papa,
who has just returned after five years
residence in the Australian bush -"
don't like you. You are too rough; and
am sorry you ever married into our
family"
TM Danbury News says "a COM
pany started in Aiddletovn for the
manufacture Of odorless rubber goods
is rapidly approaching bankruptcy,
which shows how impossible it il to
make goods without . scent"
Ar an inquest lately held, one of the
jurors put the following philosophical
question to the surgeon Who had ex-
amined the body of the dead man -
." When you made the 1'ost-na0rtcns ex-
mination, had you cut open the body I"
A "WoMAN's Tea Company has
been established in, Boston. What
Benedict, who knows how it is him
sell, can he expected to patronise such
an establishment by asking foE wom-
ans teas(e)2
A FARMER living in Titusville who
has two or three very cou1table girls,
placed notice on his front door one
night which read sShut down for 80
days no stove in the parlor and but
one lamp"
"WHo was the meekest man. nv
son 9" said the superintendent of =
boys Bible class in this State.-
" Moses, SIR" "Very we'll, my boy :;
and who was the meekest woman a''-
" Please. sir, there never was no meek
est woman"
Sm tElpped lightly DER the crossing,
hsping Dear Augustus" and was on
the point of embracing him, when y
rude boy ran up, and holding out a
bundle of papers cried out: "Misses,
you dropped your readln' rOOm," and
shied away down dark alley.
THERE IS difficulty in finding a Jury
when an Indian comes before an Omaha
court. One of the panel being asked
If he had any prejudice, replied: s.No;
only Two been chased by 'em, been in
several battles with 'em, and would
hang every devil of 'em at sight"
A BERKsH1RE county gentleman has
buried three wives, and is still hale and
hearty. A marble worker has just re-
ceived the order for the tombstone for
the third Mrs. -, and it is to bear
this complimentary line: The best
wife ever had"
"You carry the Pacific mails Z" anx-
iously inquired q nervous maiden lady
of the captain of an Isthmus steamer.
" Yes, ma'am," the captain replied
6 but they are all in bags, ma'am." A
vanishing trail of dry goods wss all
there was left tosuggest that somebody
bad made slight mistake,