Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1872-07-06

A dip from the briny.-Pickled pork.
Forgetting, but not for = giving
Misers.
Annual Towering plants resemble
whales. as they come up to blow.
Does fire engine work or play ?-It
pIays-on pipe.
The song of the season.-The battle
cry of tleadom.
One OF the rarities cf life.-A Woman
thoroughly satisfied with her daughter
in-law.
One of the pleasures of life;-Tak-
ing oft new boots aud putting on old
slippers.
Why is weather, cock like ambition !?
Because it IS a vain aud glitterlng thing
to aspire "a spire.)
Who was the straishtest man men
toned in the Bible Joseph, because
Pharaoh made ruler OF hlm
Cutlasses on men-of>war are like hash
IN boarding houses, because both arc
good to drive off boarders
Queen Elizabeth always displayed her
worst temper in her best clothes. She
was drcadfully rutfled then.
1t is Mrs Partington's opinion, that
'men are hard creatures to find out,
and amt worth much after you've found
EN- out.
Two men named Roam waro fat.lp
hung, when some one asked The exccn--
toner what he was doing, strlngins
Beans was the reply.
An old lady from one of our rural
districts astonished clerk IN one of
the stores few days ago by inquiring
if be had "yeller developments slch as
they did up letters in.
"Alan proposes but God drsposes,
said pous aunt to her conident neIce
LET man propose to me it he dare, p"
was the response, land | will dispose Of
him according to my own views, as he
suits me
'Be you good ?" asked bright little
chap of Miss b, his Sabbath school
teacher, the other day. "Oh, no." was
the becoming reply. You amt! Well,
| knew you wasn't pretty, but | always
thoue hit you was good"
Scene in the cars. A candy boy pas
sing through car meets cross old
gentleman, and says, Pop cornl pop
corn y "Ain't got no teeth" angrlIy
replied the old man. Cum drops
gum drops" calls the smart boy.
A waggish journalist who is often
merry over his personal plainness, tells
this story of himself: II went once to
drug store for u dose of morphine for
a sick friend. The night-cerk objec-
ted to give it to me without pRscrip-
ton, fearing | was going TO kill my self.
'Pshaw, said |, do [ look like a man
who would destroy himseif?' Gazing
steadily at me, he replied: Il don t
know. Seems to me if / looked like
you should be greatly tempted to kill
myself
These "devils" seem to be brought up
with sad msapprehension of facts con.
cerning editors, but this is no reason
why they should pour out their feelings
in such miserable verses as the follow
ing:
| IF / was lokle editur,
Wouldn't have n time
| / wouldn't print n eussed word
For lessen 81 line.
I'd get my grub and Ticker free,
And tickets to the shows,
/ wouldn't pay for buggy bier,
And wouldn't ware good close!
Mark Twain puts in good word for
the sage of Chappaqua, doubtless from
personal observation. He says "Mr
Greeley gets up at three o'clock in the
morning, for it is one of his favorite
maxims that early rising can keep the
health unimpaired and the brain vigor-
GUS He then wakes up the whole house
hold, aud assemblies them in the library
by candle>light; and after quoting the
beautiful lines early to bed and early
to rise makes man healthy, wealthy
and wise,' he appoints each individuals
task for the day sets him at it with en-
couragiDg words, and goes back to bed
again.