The Portland daily press., 1872-12-06

writing a composition last week, to make the
remarkable statement that San OK does not
taste as good as an oyster, but it can run
faster"
Douglas JeIrold was once asked by an in
tolerable bore, who affected to be poet of
the Milton school, whether he had read his
descent into He'll" 'No SIR" responded
the irate wit, ''but should like to see it'
A venetian flute player has invented new
model for violin with metal strings which
pass entirely around the drum of the instru-
ment and give quadruple the volume of an
ordinary violin.
The word ''humbug'' is derived from the
Irish word ''uimbog' meaning soft copper;
that is, worthless money. 1t is curious to
note that the opposite of hunabug is the word
sterling, also taken from term applied to the
coinage of Great Britain.
One of our citizens went to the cars this
morning to see his wife off, and having two
or three minutes before starting time stepped
around the corner an instant" He returned
just in time to see the train moving of, and
slapping his leg emphatically, he respectfully
enunciated: 81 oughtn't to have taken SUI
gar. "-Danbury Ne,cs.
Elder Of .fourteen-'w Where's baby
Madge?"
Madge-"In the other room. I think,
Emily"
Elder Of fourteen directly, and see
what she's doing, and tell her she mustntp'
The favorite punishment of the Lynch
Law, tarring and feathering was instituted in
the time of Richard Occur de Lion who de-
creed, says Anquetil in his Historic de France,
that whoever committed THEFT should have
warm pitch poured over his head, which
should then be powdered with feathers.
The President and the Postmaster General
are Of one mind in regard to the ranking
privilege. The President s'now suggests
modification of that privilege to correct its
glaring and costly abuses" He would pre-
fer the total abolition of ranking. but, falling
to accomplish that, he would accept the par
tial remedy.
When Prince Napoleon was recently told,
by French policeman, that he must forth
with leave the territory of the republic, he
said to the man: ''What, sir you wear the
cross of the Legion Of Honor, and you can
convey such message 10 a Napoleon"
Monsieur" replied the officer, with cutting
polteness, 81 received that cross for good
conduct at Sedanp' Prince Napoleon had
nothing further to say. &
Tommy has discovered wherein his mother
resembles time. 1t is not that she lays her
hand gently on her fathers brow, nor that
her footsteps fall with noiseless tread, nor
that she waits for no man, nor that she writes
no wrinkles on her azure brow, nor that she
acts like time, nor is it her age, nor any of
those things, Tommy AYERS. He says you
might guess all day. 1t il that her noblest
offspring is her last, "and that's myself"
A young man in company the other even
ing was suddenly observed to stare violently
about the room. There was wild look in
his eye, and dreadfully compressed express
sion in his mouth. To all questions he made
no answer, and the company were beginning
to think he was insane, when he gave quick
gulp, turned deadly pale, and in a moment
left the house. he had omitted to throw out
his chew when he went in.
Big Mr.. Hawkins (sententiously)-'Do
you know, Mr.. Jawkns, it has often struck
me that one mans food may be another
mans poison?"
Little Mr.. Ja,okins, (n,ore sententiously)-
swell, won't 60 so far as to say that, Mr..
Hawkins. But l am certainly of opinion
that what may prove sminently beneficial to
the health--a-of one ndividual-a-may
prove extremely detrimental, and, indeed, alb
solutely fatal to another individual-a-dif-
ferently constituted-ar'
Taking it for granted that it is allowable
to gossip about royalty, we pass this latest
interesting bit on. The Princess Beatrice
~''"J '"ii III Will ldlllly ucClSlOuo
and plans, and her proposed marriage to the
Marquis OF Stafford is a very imp robabIe af-
fair' She was very much opposed to her sis
ter marrying the Marquis of Lorne. saving
she supposed when her time came she would
be offered dry goods clerk. GERMANY. that
inexhaustible field of royal Protestant hus-
bands, she had refused to contemplate. as
she 'hates Germans, and even Marouis
may seem preferable to her by comparison.
A gentleman gave letter Of introduction
to student of music about to visit Leipsic.
who wished to put himself under the instruc-
ton of Prof -, famous teacher of music
in that city. Upon the students return
home the gentleman asked: ''How did you
like Prot. -?" sob, wonderfully! He
gave me fine lessons; but he is a very singular
man. He kept praying all the time he was
teaching me- "Praying! What do you
mean2'' "Well, while l was playing he
casped his hands, lifted his eyes to the cell
ing and kept saying, Good Lord what sin