The Van Buren press., 1872-06-18

Now rising, now lalilng, tAen rising again
l. the beautiful snore OF Elizabeth Jane.
PIous SrECuLAuoNs --Apropos OF Mr.
Daniel Drtw's contract with Duncan
Sherman and CO. to deliver to them five
millions Of dollars of Eric stock during
the year 1872 at 55. we have this anec
dote Of that eminent specuIator;
Not long since he met a Method ST
clergyman in New Jersey, anil having
rather fancy for him, asked him IL he
wouldn't like to make little money
The minister replied that he never spec
. Mated nor gambed in stocks, not be
heying it to he right; besides, ne was
only worth some fifteen thousand dol
lars, and could not afford 10 peril it, Mr.
Drew, after some further chat, said he
would suggest something that would be
perfectly legitimate, and proposed, if the
parson would act upon his suggest on to
guarantee him from loss while the pros
pect for handsome profit is quite prom
ising. The arrangement was according
" made Some weeks later the divine
came overto New \ ork and called at Mr..
D,evs office to ascertain the result
"Well, " said Uncle Daniel. " the fact
is, that little thing told you about has
busted but promised to guarantee YOU
against loss, and will keep my prom
ise
So, figuring up the amount invested,
with simple interest, Mr.. Drew handed
over a check, and the pastor congratula-
ted himself upon the result
But" said he--ani hero is where
Uncle Daniels joke comes in "hut, Mr..
Drew, told one Of my elders what you
had agreed to do with me, and he went
and boughta little stock
Did he 2" said Uncle Daniel "Why,
how sorry am I'm afecrd he has lost
some money.
Yes" continued the good man, "anl
he told another of the trustees, and he
went and bought some
You don't tell me -
Yes, Mr Drcw; AMI the brethren
thought it was so good of you to give
me- pint that H.y az rent and jonghN
well I'm 50 sorry"
"S) am |
"Whv, they must have lost con
siderable moncy-must have pretty much
cleaned 'em out, They oughtn't to'yc
done it. Buyin' stocks you don't know
nothin' about, is mighty risky business
You tell 'om that. "
:" But Mr. Drew, they're nearly ruin
ed "
Shouldn't wonder; and I'm truly
sorry."
The good parson returned to his nock,
most Of whom had already a.acrtaiucd
the true condition of things Somebody
had "pnloaded" to the country hreth-
ren. Probably it WAS not Uncle Dan'L
Lone NAY IT WAvE!"-A young
mother was in the habit of airing the ba
hy's clothes at the window. Her hus-
band didn't like it, and believing that if
she saw her practice as Others saw it, she
would desist, he SO directed their after.
noon walk as to bring the nursery win
dow in full view from the central part Of
town, stopping abruptly, he pointed to
the offending linen tapping unconscious
" in the breeze, and asked, sarcaStjcally !;
&" My dear, what is that display in our
window why, - she replied, that
is the flag Of our union. Conquered 10y
this puugent retort, he saluted the flag
by a swing of his hat, and pressing his
wifes arm closer within his own, said,
rs they walked homeward: And long
may it wavc,'
N1- Nowadays people along the Con
necticut valley are busy picking up food
wood, And we are sorry to say, SAYS
the Hartford Times, there is class who
do not conGnc themselves to taking
flood wood alone, We have heard =
story told OF a suffering man, living in
the vicinity of Hartford, who was going
homo with a wagon load of drift material
aud had a grind stone aboard, replied
with gravity. "Oh, the i d darn thing
came b b bobbing down on the r-ff
food -
Eg a lady was asked by her Ri ldy
about the nature Of the next world, aud
whether it was the same as this, Tbs
lady, being blessed with happy family
of eleven children. has a skeleton in the
house in the shape of stocking basket
that is never empty, and at whose side
she has spent many u midnight hour in
darniny With this spectre before her
eyes. she replied to the girl playfalv:
" don't think we shall he required to
darn stockings after midnight - "Shure
that's thrue for you mum-for all the
pictures of angels have ever scea were
baror0o,e1.
xg' In one Of our large cities, q shor,
time ago, a Western editor was met by
friend, who, taking him hy the hand, ak.
claimed, Il am delighted to see vow
How long are you going to stay
"Why think, said the editor, shall
stay while my money lasts How
disappointed | am, said the friend, " |
hoped you were going to stay q day or
two,
rg' To dccoy G pig, instead Of driv-
ing him, some ingenious chap recon.
mends tying the end Of q strong cord to
an ear of corn, drop it in front OF the pig,
five or six inches from his nose, and
commence walking away with it slowly
in the way you wish the pig to 90 If
he gets dsheartcned at the prospect of
getting hold of ii, allow him slight nib
bic, and then proceed.-Rard New
Yorker.
ES"There's no use talking, I'm going
to get married, said a bachelor ac-