The Placer herald., 1872-09-14

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to"
"Dont interrupt me, womanl tell you
it's absurd-yon learn to skate! you'll be
wanting to play fairy in the Black Crook
next. tell you skating is an accomplish
ment suited only to youth and grace and
comeliness of face and symmetry of figure.
Nothing is so charming as to see beautiful
girl, in the coquettish costume of the rinks,
with cheeks rosy with exertion, and eyes
beaming with excitement, skimming the ice
like bird and swoopng down on group
of gentlemen, and pretending she can't stop
herself, and landing in the arms of the very
young man her father don't allow her to
know-and darting away again and falling
on her head and exposing herself-exposing
herself to remarks about her-her-careless-
ness-madam, hold your tongue-and always
taking care to fall when that young man is
close by to pick her up. 1t is charming
They look pretty and interesting, too, when
they are just learning-when they stand
still in one place long time, and then start
one foot out gngcrly, and it makes a break
for the other side of the pond, and leaves the
balance of the girl sprawlng on this side.
But you! You look fat and awkward and
and dismal enough at any time; but when
you are on skates you waddle off as stuffy
and stupid and ungainly as buzzard that's S
eat half horse for dinner. won't
have it, madam! And you get under lit
tie precarious headway, and then drift alons
stopping your head aud shoulders, and hold
ing yoir arms like you expected II church
was going to fall on you; it aggravates the
life out of me! And Tuesday, when | was
ass enough to get on skates myself, and
kick ed the Irish Giants eye out the first
dash, and lit on my head and cracked the
ice, so that it looked like the sun with
all its rays had dropped where struck
and they fined me ninety-two dollars tol
running the mans pond. | was terrified
with the the conviction that | had gone
through to the inside of the world, because
| saw the parallels of attitudes glimmerine
all around me, and what was it but you, in
your awkwardness, fetching up over me
with your confounded filters on. You'vc
got 10 discard those things. can't stand
the pew rent, and won't
"Mr. Twain, l am sure"
"Hod your clatter! | tell you, you
shan't bring odum upon the family by your
disgraceful attempts to skate; sprawling
around with your big feet like a COW plow-
ing her way down hill in slippery weather.
Maybe you won't be so handy about dis
playing those feet of yours if you knew what
occurred when took your shoes down to get
them mended."
"What was it (? Tell me what it was
tell me what it was, this minutel | just
know it is one of your lies!''
"Oh, don't mind it; it amt of any conse-
quence; 60 to sleep"
"But it is of consequence You've got
to tell me; you shan't aggravate me in this
way won't 60 to sleep till know what it
was, tell you
"Oh, it wasn't anything"
"Mr Twain, | know better! You're
just doing this to drive me to distraction
| What did that horrid shoemaker say about
nv shoe? What did he do Say quickl
"Well, if you must know, he-he-how-
ever it's of no consequence"
"Mr. Twain!"
"Well, he took it and gazed upon it a
long time in silence, and put his handker-
chief to his eyes and burst into tears"
"Why, you born fool Twain, are you
going stark, staring crazyy
"He just stood there and wept as if his
heart would break, poor devil. There, now
let's go to sleep"
"Sleep, you lunatic? III never close my
ewes till | know what that idiot was crying
about-and you won't either, can tell you
that. Come!"
"Oh, it don't matter
"Mr Twain, if you say that again, say
I'll make you sorry: what was that numb
skull crying abort?"
"Well, he-he-he"
"W-e-l-l, he-he-. Out with it! DC
YOU want me to-to-Twain. III snatch
them pet fringes off till the side of your head
is as bald as the top of it,"
"Well, he-poor fellow-he said he dotted
on his grandmo,her-fairly dotted on her.
She had nursed him you know, because his
mother was always feeble, and so"
''Out with it, you old dot!'
| "Well, he came to this country fifteen
years ago, and first set up in the vegetable
| line, and got along well, and was about to
send to England for the old lady, when hard
times came on and he got broke. lie went
into fruit then, and after that went into milk
into all sorts of things, you know; but he
got disappointed every time, till his present
business fetched him out at last all right,
and he sent right off for the old woman.
She landed here four weeks ago, but died
the same night 1t was hard, very hard
after his waiting and toiling for fifteen years,
to get her over here at last and have her die
on bis hands. He-he-well he was dis
gusied. However, he laid her out, and by
memory of her virtues softened his bitterness
and turned it to tender grief settled
melancholy that hung about his spirits
like pail for many days. However, by
striving to keep sad thoughts out of his mind
he was finally beginning to regain some little
Of his old cheerfulness, when your shoe re-
minded him so painfully Of his poor santed