Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1872-04-11
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A SMART TH1Ne-A mustard plaster.

A SMART THINe-A mustard plaster.
To look "spruce" you mustn't "pine
WAR tack, and little OF it.
CAN horse stuck in a mudhole be
considered fast?
A BUSY watering-place all the year
round-A milkman's.
A CONSCIENTIOUS doctor in Yarmouth,
N. H., gives away all his Sunday profits.
THE minister who boasted that he
could preach without notes didn't mean
bank-notes.
some one discovers that Mrs. South
worth has killed over 700 people in her
novels.
PEOPLE in the suburbs can make hot
beds by going to sleep while smoking
Detroit Free Press.
THERE are over four hundred incorpo-
rated cities, of various population, in the
United States.
IT is computed by an English journal
that London will contain 5000, 600 inhab-
itants in 1900
EVERYTHING seems to be adulterated
lately, except oysters and eggs, and they
often outlive their usefulness.
LAST year proved fatal one for the
Swiss guides. Twelve of them lost their
lives by casualties which occurred on the
Alps.
WHY is pretty, well-made, fashionable
girl like a thrifty housekeeper? Because
she makes great hustle about avery small
aodist
'sIF you don't give me dime" said a
young hopeful to his mamma, 81 know a
boy who's got the measles, and I'll go and
catch them"
A FRISCO man bought an old trunk for
six bits tseventy-five cents), and found in
it several moss agates worth $75, and an
ameythist valued at 5000.
PUZZLED school-boy to his teacher
"But, sir, if wanst naught be nothing,
the twice naught must be something; for
its double what wanSt naught is"
THE Westminster Recieao says: ''Drunk-
enness is the curse of England-a curse
calamity under which we suffer-"
THIS was found in a letter: Dearest
love-I have swallowed the postage stamp
your lips had touched it'-Gal1ay.
A PERSON speak of man not remark
able for his suavity, said he did not like
his manners ellis manners! l didn't
know that he had any," said lady.
(WHICH of the Feejee islands are you
from?" asked a visitor of one of Bar
NUNS canibals the other day. 'Tipperary
bejabers," was the reply of the ravenous
anthropophaginian.
SOME smart arithmetician has computed
that 1t has cost the government over fif-
teen hundred dollars for printing the sim
gle word daughter" in the Congressional
Globe, during the past thirty years.
A NEW YORK farmer laughed when his
prudent wife advised him not to smoke
on load of hay. He footed it home
that night with his hair singed, most of
his garments prey TO the devouring ele-
ments, and the iron work of the wagon
in potato sack; and then his wife
laughed.
THE following colloquy appeared in a
recent number of Judy: Mamma-Well,
Johnny, shall forgive you this time, and
it's very pretty of you to write letter to
say you're sorry. Johnny-Yes, ma; don't
tear it up, please. Mamma-Why, John
nys Johnny-Because it will do for next
time.
A BLACKSMITH brought up his son, to
whom he was very severe, to his trade.
One day the old man was trying to harden
cold chisel, which he had made of for
eign steel, but he could not succeed
Horse-whip it, father" exclaimed the
boy; "if that won't harden it, don't
know what will"
A GOOD story is told of a St. Louis mob
by dry goods clerk who attended dance
in the rural district few evenings since.
He wore a Chevoit shirt, and put on a
great many airs. He was somewhat
taken down, however, when he overheard
one country lass say to another. "That
st. Louis chap sings on heap of style
for feller that wears bed-tick shirt"
On wet, miserable, foggy London day
in autumn Charles Lamb was accosted by
beggar-woman with, "Pray, sir, bestow
alittle charity upon poor destitute widow
woman who is perishing for lack of food
Believe me, sir, have seen better days.
$50 have ], said Lamb, handing the pool
creature a shilling-"so have I. It's 6
miserable day. Good-by, good-byr p
A FAMILY in Woodstock, Vt, kept &C
count of the articles made from a barre
of flour, and the following was the result
"a loaves of bread; II six-quart pans OF
doughnuts, II messes of biscuits, 81 pies
loaves of cake; i Il dozen of tart crusts,
messes of griddle cakes, berry short
cake, dozen of ginger snaps, mess OF
pancakes.
AN ancient volcanic crater was recent
ly discovered in Java, seven thousand
five hundred feet above the level of the
sea, four and half miles long by three
and half miles broad-one Of the larg
est in the world, and very deep, which
has level sandy floor that is driven
about by the wind in wavelets like water.
The origin of such body of fine sand is
the problem of the geologists.
A POOR Californian in Nevada County,
of hoirnr of of h
ago, left for some place where there was
enough of nature to support existence.
Quite lately miners found gold mine
under this very cabin, and in one week
took out 81 500 from the hole which they
made by digging a few feet below where
the beggar had slept for a year before
giving up the hope of being able to keep
alive there. 1t may add interest to say
that the "beggar' began stock raising and
is now worth his millions, but is as melan,
choly over his lost mines as if he were
still a pauper.
81 WISH you would give me my mar
riage certificate" said man the othel
day to clergyman who had married him
about year since. "How long ago was
it % inquired the clergyman who does a
large business in that line, and did not
recollect the stranger. / don't know,
was the answer" Cannot you tell whether
it was three months or three years?" was
the next inquiry. 'Really," said this
model husband, Il have had so many
things to attend to that have forgotten
all about it !'' A short search of his rec
ords enabled the clergyman to comply
with his request.
Right and Wrong Views of Life.