The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1872-04-02
MARK TWAIN's ACCOUNT OF
HIS FIRST LECTURE.

dawn aud wrote one in fever of an
ticipation. | showed it to several
friends, but they all shook their heads.
They said nobody would come to hear
me, and would make a humiliating
failure of it. They said that as ! had
never spoken in public | would break /
down in the delivery, anyhow was
now. But at last an edi- !
tor slapped ine on the back and told
me to "go ahead" lie said, Take
the largest house in town, aud charge
n dollar a ticket" The audacity of
the proposition was charming it SEEM
ed fraught with practical worldly wis
dom, however. The proprietor of the
several theatres endorsed the advice,
and said | might have his handsome
new opera house at half price-fifty
dnllars. In sheer desperation | took
it-on credit, for sufficient reasons. In
three days l did hundred and fifty
dollars worth of printing and advertis
ing, aud was the most distressed aud
frightened creature on the Pacific
cuast. | could not sleep-who could
under such circumstances? For other
people there was facetousness III the
lIne of my posters, but to me it was
plaintive with a pang When | wrote 1t
"Dpurs open at Z! o'clock. The
trouble will beegin at g."
That line has done good service
since. l have seen it appended to Il
newspaper advertisement, reminding
schnOl pupil, in vacation what time
next term would begin. AS those three
days of suspense dragged by | grew
more and more unhappy. l had sold
200 tickets among my personal friends
but | feared they might not come.
NV lecture, which had seemed 'humor'
ous to me at first, grew steadily more
and more dreary, till not vestigs of
fun seemed lett, and | grieved that |
could not bring L coffin on the stage
aud turn the thing into a funeral. l
was So panic-stricken at last that
went to three old friends, giants in
stature, cordial by nature, and stormy
voiced, am. said:
"rhls thing is going to be failure !;
the jokes are So dim that nobody will
ever see them. would like to have
you sit in the parquette and help me
through
They said they would. Then l went
to the wife of popular citizen, and
said that if she were willing to 40 me
a very great kindness | would be glad
ifshe and her husband would sit prom
inently in the left hand stage box,
where the whole house could see them.
| explained tn her that | should need
help, and would turn toward her and
smile, as a signal, when had been
delivered of an obscure joke -"and
then" | answered, "don't wait to in
vestigate, but respond J!
She promised. Down the street l
met man l had never seen before.
He had been drinking, and was beam
ing v ith smiles and good nature. lie
said:
"My name is Sawyer. You don't
know ME, hut thrt don't matter.
haveD got cent, but if you knew
how bad | wanted to laugh, you d give
me IL ticket Come, now, what do you
say ?"
"Is your laugh hung on hair trig
ger? that is, is 1t critical, or can Il
get of easy?'
My drawing in frmityof speech 81
affected hlm that he laughed specl
men or two that s,ruck me as being
about the article / wanted, and | gave
him ticket, and appointed him to 81
in the second circle in the centre an'
he responsible for that division of th'
house. | gave him minute instrucilun
about how to detect indistiuct jokes
and then went away and left hin
chuckling placidly over the novelty o
the idta.
/ ate nothing on the last three event
full days i only suffered. l had al
vertised that on The third day the Office
would be opened for the sale of reserv
ed seats. | crept down to the theatr
at 4 o'clock in the afternoon to see
any sales had been made. The ticke
seller was gone, the bux-utfice was lock
ed up. ! haI to swallow suddenly o
my heart would have got out IN
sales" 1 said TO myself Knight hav
known it. | thought Of suicide pre-
tended illness, flight. / thought u
these things in earnest, for | was yer.
miserable and scared. But of cours
had 10 drive them away and pref ar
10 meet my fate. could not wait tn
half.pa seven; | wanted to face lh
horror and end 1.-THE feeling of man.
man doomed to be hung, no doubt
went down a back street at 81!
o'clock, and entered the theatre by tn
back door. stumbled my way in th
dark among the ranks of canvass seen
eIy and stood on the stage. The hous
was gloomy and silent, aud its empti
ness depressing. | went into the darI
, among the scenes again. aud for a
hour and half gave myself up to III
| horror, wholly unconscious of every
thing else. Then heard murmur