Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1872-02-08
Pith and Point.

NET pTOuIS-1 uSu6rm1nS.
IT doesn't hurt snuff to pinch it.
A WILLING mind-the generous tesla
tors.
SOME people at a crowded evening
party have bellies on their toes. 1t gen.
orally hurts them.
"PART1Na is such sweet sorrow,"
particularly with cracked looking
glass and toothless comb.
A WOMAN lecturer says woman's
sphere is bounded on the north by her
husband, on the east by her baby, on
the south by her mother-in-law, and on
the west by q maiden aunt.
A THEOLOGICAL student wishes to
know if the canons OF the church are
what the poets term I" Heavens artil-
lery."
If you like practical joking just in
tr0duce two strangers, previously in
70 ming each that the other is deaf;
but don't stand round.
A VICTIM of Greeley's handwriting
says: IF Horace had written that in
scription Oh the wall in Babylon, Bel
shazzar would have been o good deal
more scared than he was"
A DRovER, who sells cattle by live
weight, always gives them as much
water as they will drink before driving
them on the scales. "That," he says,
els what I understand by watering
stock"
The Chicago Post says: BENJAMIN
Franklin was JOG years old yesterday.
He appeared last evening at a spiritu-
alistlc seance, took up copy of the
Times, and glanced through it, hoped
up and exclaimed; And invented the
printing-press. What an ass I was ="
JOHN G. SAKE is responsible for the
following paraphrase from Martial:
Your nose and your eyes your father gave,
you say,
Your mouth your grandsire, and your mother
meek,
Your fine expression; tell mo now, I pray,
Where in the name of Heaven, you got your
cheek2
PuNcH's mental philosophy: What
is mind2 No matter. What is matter?
Nevermind. What is the nature of the
soul2 It IS immaterial.
"Those who buy tombstones of us
look with pride and satisfaction on the
tisement of Western stone cutter.
A BACHELOR sea-captain, who was re-
marking one day that he wanted good
chief officer, was promptly informed
by young lady that she had no OBJ
jections to be his first mate. He took
the hint-and the lady.
OswEao colored conversation: "I
say, Baz, where do de comet rise at?"
I" It rises in de forty meridian
of de frigid zodiac, and laid down in de
comic almanac" "Well, where does
it set, Bazs" "Set, you black fool, it
| doesn't set nowhere. When it gets
tired OF shining, it goes into it's hole..''
A GENTLEMAN in search of q man to
do some work met on his way highly
respectable lady, not as young as she
once was, and asked her, "Can you tell
me where I can find MANI" "No,
cannot" she replied, "for. have been
looking these twenty years for one my
self"
THIS is what the Boston Traveller
says: stThe Hartford Post is again
swapping at the Traveller. John, hand
us that squirt gum" And this is what
the Boston Postsays in return: CHOW,
then, the Boston Traveller is going to
have some editorial matter. They've
sent John for the editor."
| "MADAM," said a cross tempered
physician to patient, eff women were
admitted to paradise their tongues
would make it purgatory." "And
some physicians, if allowed to practice
there" replied the lady, "woufd make
it a desert" The oppressed one had
him there.
BRANTOME thus enumerates the quail
tiles of female beauty: "Three white
attractions, the skin, teeth md eyelids;
three red, the lips, checks and nails !;
three long, the body, hair and hands i;
three short, the teeth, ears and feet ;
and three broad, the chest, forehead
and space between the EYES,"
FANNY FERN writes with reference to
the expensive toys now in vogue
"The doll of my bib days was a
crooked-nccked squash, with a towel
for dress and a numerous progeny of
little cuc,,mbers for babies and I was
just as happy, and great deal better
contcnted, than the little girl of to-day
with 500 Paris doll"
The following notice was served
upon northern school teacher in Texas
recently, signed by some eight or ten
of the large boys, three of them be-
tween seventeen and twenty years of
age. 1--WE, the undersigned, require
YOU to treat to Ibuslel Of pecans, five
pounds of rails; Sand three of candy
If you refuse We will put you in the
deepest hole fwater within one mile
of the school-.louse."
A KANSAS papers COW obituary says ::
There is not a farm wagon in tho
country she has not stolen something
out of, not II gate in town she has not
opened, anii tlN stones that have been
throw, ut her would make five miles of