The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1872-11-02
THE SEXTON.
BY REV. DE WITT TALMAGE, d. D.

/ and so Oh. But he never carried out the
plan, perhaps because he had not the quail
! ification. 1t requires more talent in some
respects to be sexton than to be king. A
sexton, like poet, is born. A church, in
order to peace and success, needs the right
kind of man at the PROV, and the right
| kind at the stern-that is, a good minister
! and good sexton. So far as we have OBJ
! served, there are four kinds of ,janitors.
| THE FIDGETY SEXTON.
| lie is never still. His being in any one
place proves to him that he ought to be in
some other. In the most intense part OF
| the sermon, every ear alert to the truth,
the minister at the very climax of his sub
.iect, the fidgety official starts up the aisle.
The whole congregation instantly turn
from the consideration of Judgment and
eternity to see what the sexton wants.
The minister looks, the elders look, the
| people in the gallery get up to look. 1t is
left in universal doubt as to why the sexton
frsked about at just that moment. He
must have seen a fly on the opposite side of
the church-wall that need to be driven
off before it spoiled the frescoe, or he may
have suspicion that a rat terrier is in one
of the pews by the pulpit, from the fact
that ne saw two or three children laugh
ing. Now, there is nothing more perplex-
ing than dog-cllase during religious sell
m
house, snarlng poodle came in, looked
around, and then went and sat under the
chair of its owner. We had no objection
to it's being there dogs should not be shut
out from all advantages, but the intruder
would not keep quiet. A brother of dolor-
Gus whine was engaged in prayer, when
poodle evidently thought that the time for
response had come, and gave a loud yawn
that had 10 tendency to solemnize the oc-
casion. | resolved to endure it no longer
I started to extirpate the nuisance. l
made fearful pass Of my hand in the di-
rection of the dog, but missed him. A lady
arose to give me better chance at the vile
pup, but discovered that he had changed
position. felt by that time obstil ately
determined to eject him. He had got I'M
der rocking chair, at a point beyond our
reach, unless we got on our knees, and it
being prayer meeting. we felt no imap-
propriatencss in taking that position. OF
course the exercises had meanwhile been
suspended, and the eyes Of all were upon
my undertaking. The elders wished me all
success in this police duty, but the mis-
chievous lads by the door were hoping for
my failure. Knowing this, l resolved that
if the exercises were never resumed, |
would consumate the work and eject the
disturber. While in this mood, l gave a
lunge for the dog, not looking to my feet,
and fell over the rocker; but there were
sympathetic hands to help me up, and
kept ON until by the back of the neck l
grasped the grizzly headed pup, as he COM
menced kicking, scratching, barking, yelp-
ing, bowling, and carried him to the door
in triumph, and without any care as to
where lie landed, hurled him out into the
darkness.
Give my love to the sexton, and tell him
never to chase dog in religious service
Better let him alone, though it should, like
my friends poll-parrot, during prayer
time, break out with the song, " l would
not live always" But the fidgety sexton
is ever on the chase; his boots are apt to be
noisy, and say as he goes up the aisle,
Creakety- crack! Here l come. Creak-
ETY. crack" Why should he come in to
call the doctor out of his pew when the
cise is not urgent? Cannot the patient
wait twenty minutes, or is this the cheap
way the doctor has of advertising? DR..
months, and, strange coincidence, they all
came to him at half past eleven o'clock
Sunday morning, while he was in CHURCH.
If windows are to be lowered, or blinds
closed, or register to be shut of, let it be
before the sermon.
THE LAZY SEXTON.
He does not lead the stranger to the pew,
but goes a little way on the aisle, and
points, saying, "Out yonder!' You leave
the photograph of your back in the dust of
the seat you occupy; the air is an atmos-
pheric hash of what was left over last
Sunday. Lack of oxygen will dull the best
sermon, and clip the wings Of gladdest
song, and stupefy an audience. People 60
out from the poisoned air of our churches
to die of pneumonia. What sin, when
| there is SO much fresh air. to let people
perish for lack of it. The churches are the
worst ventilated buildings on the CONT
nent. No amount of grace can make stale
air sacred. "The prince of the power of
the air" wants nothing but poisoned air
| for the churches. After audiences have
assembled, and their cheeks are flushed,
and their respiration has become painful
it is too late to change it. Open window
or door now, and you ventilate only the top
of that mans bald head, and the back of
the neck of that delicate woman, and you
send off hundreds of people coughing and
sneezing. One reason why the Sabbaths
are so wide apart is that every church
building may have six days of atmospheric
publication. The best mans breath once
elected is not worth keeping. Our congre-
cations are dying of asphyxia. In the
name of all the best interests fthe church,
l indict one half the sections.
THE GOOD SEXTON.
He is the minister's blessing, the church.
JOY, a harbinger of the millennium. Peo-
pie come to church to have him help them
up the aisle. lie wears slippers. He stands
or sits at the end of the church during an
impressive discourse, and feels that though
he did not furnish the ideas, he at least
furnished the wind necessary in preaching
it. He has quick nostril to detect uncon-
secrated odors, and puts the man who eats
garlic on the back seat in the corner. He
does not regulate the heat by a broken
thermometer, minus the mercury. He has
the window blinds arranged just right
the light not too glaring SO as to show the
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