Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1872-04-25
Breviies and Levities.

duU LCV1tAtcs
Ms-A western editor says that fresh
water has tasted strong of sinners ever
since the universal deluge, and that's
why he always flavors it.
Ey The difference between blunder
and mistake is this. When man puts
down a bad umbrella and takes up
good one he makes mistake; but when
he puts down good one and takes up
bad one he makes q blunder.-Josh
Billings.
~ A South Carolina Legislator sent
up the. following memorandum to the
Clerk "Lecve is asked to bring Bill
to altar the time for the Legislator to
meat. Referred to the comfy ON Re-
ligion."
rr When you go to drown yourself,
always pull off your clothes: they may
fit your wife's second husband.
~ A book-binder said to his wife at
the wedding: "Itseems that now we are
bound together, two volumes in one'
with clasps" Yes, observed one Of the
guests, one side highly ornamented Tur-
kew morocco, and the other plain calf.
@- A printers devil in an Omaha Of
flee was bitten by dog few days since.
The dog fingered several days and then
died in great agony.
zas- The Detroit Post begins an edito-
rial article thus: Among the more re-
cent use of the rccuperative elements
which nature contains as opposed to the
specific remedies is that Of oxygen gas
Drunk again.
nss- The chief secret of comfort lies
in not suffering trifles to vex one, and III
prudenhy cultivating an underground
of small pleasures, since very few great
ones are let on long leases.
gas- Two men employed at one of our
hardwares stores were engaged in put
ting up a stove fora West street lady.
During a heavy lift one of them told the
other to "spit on his hands," when both
were nonplussed by the lady hastily eN-
claiming, so, don't do that; here's
spittoon."
sSS A letter recently passed through
the post Office. addressed as follows:
Postmaster, please to send him strait,
Ben syl-vany is der Staight;
oft Venango, dat's,der county,
Verc oil boI1rs out NIT Hefen's pounty;
Franklin, she's der county seat.
Dor Rost -office on Iiberdy shtreet;
Sharly Taylor, he's der man; :,
Send dis yust so quick you can." -,.5.
nss- The anguish of editors will never
cease until type-setters are wiped off the
face of the earth. There, for instance, is
the editor of. the Eastern Asyus He al
luded to one of the most eminent citizens
of his village as "a noble old burgher,
proudly loving his native State" But
was 1t not serious cause for dissatistac-
ton when hesaw in the paper next morn
ing that the remorseless fiend had made
him speak Of the eminent citizen as "a
nobby old burglar prowling around In q
naked state" -
zs- A North Stcnington man buried
his wife, and inscribed upon her tomb:
An Angel on earth-a Saint in Heav-
en-" which was all. right and very nice.
But when he buried hissecond alongside
of his first, the marble dealer inscribed
on her tomb: "Another Angel on Earth
another Saint in Heaven" and the
neighbors want to know how long lhis
is going to last
ms- It is related that Massachusetts
school boy though the story can be told
as we'll of any othe-) was asked by his
teacher how many commandments there
were. "Ten," was the prompt reply.
The teacher said there had been one add
ed and asked linn what it was. The
boy, looked perplexed, scratched his head
moment, and then triumphantfy re-
plied, "The Fifteenth amendment"
The following direction was on letter
which passed through the post office: :
Wood
John
Mass
A shrewd post master finally decided
that twas intended for John Underwood
Andover, Mass. =
nGs- Beware of pearl powder. A Dan
bury chap'set up five hours with new
girl Saturday night, and the next after
noon submitted for two hours to- the un-
finching demands ora stomach pump
The pump conquered, but the poison was
about the last thing to come up.
m- An absent minded fellow shut
down window and forgot to draw his
head in. He was calling for Helen Blazes
when discovered.