The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1872-12-07

4
| it flashes across the memory OF the unfortunate
reporter who heard the stunning thing-lor6'
| cille Neus.
"Beemus," of the Ottawa FREE TRADER. has
| lately said something about being = reused
from the arms OF Morpheus in the dead OF
night" &c. We trust mis- readers are not going
to be misled nv any such cunning dece ption on
Baemus' part. Morpheus is only nickname
huhtur Gazette.
The Gazette man is envious because he is so
painfully homely that he can't even get Nor
pheus to hug MIN.
Mothers.in-law have ever been source of
family ills. Here is where il started in the
bible:
We prove it to be a fact Peter was cheerful
while Paul was sad, by Quotiug Paul's assertion
that Peters wife's mother lay sick of fever.
An exchange mentions that;
An honest and industrious m n in Indiana,
who was doing we'll exhibiting himself as q liv-
ing skeleton, has commenced to grow fat, and
has now got to learn another trade or starve.
Thus fortune jilts her followers, aud brushes
humble ambition.
There is pint to THE joke:
A young man who had applied at the recruit
ing station in Chicago for enlistment, was asked
if he could sleep on the point of a bayonet,"
when he promptly replied by saying, lie could
try it, az he h I'd often slept pint of whisky,
and the kind used in Chicago would kill farther
than any shooting iron he ever saw"
Rev. Robert Collyer wishes every gin mill
chain.d in the bottomless pit Of hell" Mr.. Col
lyer does wrong to wish anything that would
encourage emigration in thav direc ton Back
hank Journal.
A "fingeraeil artist" from Paris has opened
business in New York We have one in Lscon,
saws the Home J3urnul, and specimens of her
workmanship adorn the sculpured front of her
husbands face
1t is sham. that democrats have no rights
that radicals are bound to respect, but must
speak the truth, even if it should shame the
devil:
A little boy, when asked by a LADY if he stud
led hard at school said. ~ do not hurt myself eft
it," "Ah." said the lady. "you ust study hard
| or you will never be President of the United
States" mo, maam," cried the boy, but 1
| don't expect to be; I'm Democrat"
Boys, sometimes, are pretty hard pushed TOR
amusemeuts, but still some Of them manage to
while away the lonely hours, somehow. For
instance:
Chicago boys put dogs in holas in the ground
and build fires over them to hear them "hol!er. ,,
An exchange says a Kansas man struck a
devth blow to education in that place by rum
ming away with the only school marin there was
in town.
| A correspondent saw Miss Winnie Ream at
work in her studio /" with her arms bare to the
shoulders and her ankles likewise.
! Can the fellow who wrote tho above prove il
| to be true-is it bare fact?
The following looks more reasonable:
1t is said Winnie Ream, the sculptures, will
bust Henry Ward Beecher. Woodruff tried it
and has come to grief.
Every once in while an Enoch Arden case
turns up. Hero is one:
| An exchange says man in Decatur some
years ago started for the west, leaving bloom.
| ing wife to mourn him for dead, and to get mar.
| r,ed again. He returned unexpected not long
| since, and. found her in another fellows arms,
and cradle full Of baby sucking its fist in the
| delight OF it, innocence aud young existence
He put in his prior claims and his wife pretend.
cd not to know him, but when she learned he
had $75, 900 she knew him Immediately, and told
her breyet husband to caper away about his bus.
mess How touching are the evidences OF
! woman's love.
The natural history editor of the Lexington
! (Ky.) Press tells this: "a lady residing in
city not hundred miles from Lexington, is the
possessor of two pets-a monkey and a parrot
who are by no means congenial friends; in fact
Mrs. c. was in the habit of looking up the mon
key whenever she left the house, for fear of hi,
belligerent qualities One evening, alas sh,
neglected to do so, and the monkey coming il
found the parrot ready for fight and very
desperate ono ensued. The monkey ruthlessly
pulled out every feather of the unfortunate par
rot, and broke up the nantel ornaments ant
smashed things generally. When Mr.. G. return
cd she found the monkey chattering on the man
tlepiece, and out crept the parrot, looking deep
ly injured, and greeted her with: We've hat
a hell Of time" The appropriateness OF tn
remark caused shout of laughter"