Smyrna times., 1872-08-21
Zozimus on Babies.

Babies are bundles of clothes with yellow
heads" Some months ago | received letter
from the Royal Geographical Society, inform
ing me that this definition was inaccurate, as
in tropical climates babies had black faces, and
were frequently found without any clothes
worth speaking of. This | don't believe L
have often seen black men at ST James Hall
and elsewhere; but who ever saw black baby?
| wrote back, saying that if DR.. Livingstone,
when he came home, brought among his speci-
! mems of other insects any black babies L
should have great pleasure in inspecting them
and giving him certifcate-that is, provided
they didn't prove stuffed seals or large
cockroaches.
There are great number of babies in the
! world Most Of them are, however, kept out
of sight in cradles, hen.coops, attics, and old
clothes-baskets. A man once told me that the
reason Of this is because if they were allowed
to crawl about the streets or parks no one
could stir out for fear of walking on them or
tripping over them, in either of which cases
the people so doing could be prosecuted by our
friend Bergh.
BaLies are all nearly the same size. When
they are very small they are called infants, and
fed on butter and brown sugar and turpentine.
| Sometimes the turpentine rises to their head,
\ and they behave in a most outrageous manner.
r ! once saw an infant who had drank too much
turpentine sitting on pillow on the ground,
), and yelling with all its might at most respec-
d tabe-looking old lady, who was the infants
/. grand-aunt and had lot of money in funds.
,s Whenever the grand-aunt pointed her finger at
,r the infant it yelled louder than ever, and tried
d to bite the finger. The grand-aunt left the
le house and settled all her money on an instltu-
r ton for elderly unmarried women.
1t The education of babies is generally in very
n backward state; indeed, they do not appear to
d know much of the English language beyond
n the words papa" mamma, "me, "by."
he Their attempts at French are even worse;
er they are continually using such low French
e. as "ajou," "day-day," "ba-ba," and "by.by."
N. A man once told me there can be no doubt
m. that babies are descended from negroes-for
ms they always say "me" for " L.
he Babies do not differ much in temper, size or
disposition. They are violent, about tho siso
of pillow. and covetOus. once saw 6a0y
&C. with a corkscrew, PAIR OF tongs, hand-bell.
ow and a broken hearth brush, and nothing could
es induce it to part from any OF them, although 1t
at had got the cOrkskrew halfway into its ear and
de- the handle of the hearth-brush altogether down
list its throat.
md When you come near baby it stretches out
ral its hands and clutches hold of your necktie.
,ial This is, the mother tells you, mark OF high
red favor and sign that the baby desires to kiss
nm. you. When you stoop forward to kiss the crea-
en- ture it seizes you by the hair and every one but
,eo YOU laughs and says, "What a precocious
+ Of baby !" When you sit down you asked to
the hold the baby. You take it in your rms and
rim place it on your knee. Immediately 1t catches
is. hold of your collar, and tries to stand up on
or your best trowsers with its dirty Shoes If you
nm. don't allow it, the mother says, oh! do, Mr.
less So-and-sO, let him stand up. He is quite de
his lighted at having discovered he stand, anC
hole it won't hurt him." 1t then lays hold of you
mon shirtstuds and shoots out its fingers at you
and eve and drives a hand sticky with wet suga
eeds into the bosom OF your shrt. MOI unireqUehtE
N of it behaves in a manner inconsderate tina
! The description is impossible. This makes you wis
to put it down and stamp ON it with your righ
foot.
ceipt DaoeS' He uOsS aiv mo' ~ bo "nt With
VT. the vicinity of mankind. They are usually th
weet V companions Of women. In savage countries
ul'cr when the men out hunting tigers with the
ne 10 horses and dogs, the women amuse themselve
with feeding babies, and washing sea lps, an
Mr. Crying peer IN .1
re re- ~ i, ing hares with their dogs, The women look
haI babies and sit down until their hair grows dow
ou to their feet, put tight dresses and learn ii
names Of their children, if they have time aft
=, coming in from seeing their friends. The mo
SAID, singular thing about babies is that each one
larger and finer than any one which has ev
can; been seen before. The first thing woman do
e his when she takes baby into her hands is to no
it at arms length and say, "Oh, dear !"
"Oh, my goodness y or some other powert
admir- words "What fine little fellow-and on
ed he seven months old tool Why, Mrs. So-an
lie an SOS baby is ten months old and this little
d like low is twice his weight Upon my word, Nj
So and-so have seen many baby, but Il
is by far the finest Mrs. So,and-so smile
led to and takes the baby and shows how it can We
imself nearly stand when it is held up under the ar
hens and has its back against the leg of sofa.
man once told me that men were descend
from babies. What Mr.. Darwin said abe
age is monkeys was bad enough, but this is rea
,ely it carrying matters too far