Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-12-06
HumOr.

The happy Medium gentlemen between
two ladies'.
Was William PENIS pocket handkerchief
an original pen wiper?
There are two things in the world that
are not safe to trife with. A woman's
opinion, and the business end of wasp.
Why is coal the most contradictory article
known to commerce Because, when pur-
chased, instead of going to the buyer, it
goes to the cellar.
A Grocer had pound Of sugar returned
with note attached to it, saying, TOO
much sand for table use, and not enough
for building purposes.
The best reason for not supporting Ger.
tain candidate is that given BY poor Geor.
gia editor, who say he has as much as te
can do to support himself.
A school girl was recently asked at an
examination, by the clergyman, what Adam
lost by his fall, and when pressed replied
Il suppose it was bis hat"
A local editor Of an Illinois paper says he
does not depend upon journalism for his
daily bread, but upon raising hens, which
moves an enyious rival to ask whose hens be
raises.
Nothing is more indicative of the earnest
ness of life than the sight of a we'll developed
male creature spending eight hours day
trying to wear out store bvx with the seat
of his pants.
Fashionable patroness to charity girl. who
has been away for holiday-''WeIl, Betsy
Jane, and what did you do when you went
to see iyour friends Betsy Jane" Please.
MN, l wore panier.''
The Lsporte Argus says: SIN South Bend,
Indiana, they use small packages of quiniue
for change AS everybody takes it, they
look upon it the same as legal tender, and it
passes off without difficulty"
A veteran was relating his exploits to a
crowd of boys, and mentioned having been
in five engagements. "Thafs nothing"
broke in little fellow, my sister Agnes has
been engaged eleven times
The average New Yorker holds up one
hand in horror at tho obscenity Of Wook-
hull and Clafin, while with the other he
reaches in his breecbes pocket for So note
to buy copy of their Weekly.
Father Thomas Burke says that when he
sees an Irishman Keeling drunk in the streets
he feels as priost that he could die for
him, but as an Irishman be feels that he
could wiring the fellows neck off.
Not the least amusing side of the out-of-
town editor is his grim humor. This is the
way be speaks of the difficulties Of making
collections:
No wonder that Weston is good walker.
It turns out that he used to be collector fer
newspaper.
Here follows fair sarcasm on bigotry
and useless discussion
The State editors are discussing the best
style Of COW milking-fore- and-aft or diago-
nal. In this free country every man should
be permitted to milk his COW according to
the dictates of his conscience.
'Mr. President" said U. S. Senator
the other day in debate, ''the honorable
gentleman who had Just taken his seat, saws
that England and Prussia have got torpe.
does which can blow navy sky-high, but
that is nothing to us, sir it can't affect us;
for, sir, a0e haze no mary to blow sky.high."
A minister at colored wedding who
wished to be humorous, said "On such oc
casions it is customary to kiss the bride, but
in this case we will omitit" To which IN.
gallant remark the bridegroom pertinently
replied: "On such occasions it is customa-
ry to pay the minister $40, but in this case
we will omit it"
A country merchant having procured
new clerk, walked him up the morning after
he was hired. at most unreasonably earlv
hour, by cally out that the family were sit
ting down at the table, "Thank you" said
the boy, as he turned over in bed to adjust
himself for a new nap, "thank you; but
never allow myself to cat anything during
the night"
An old lady slightly blind, while engaged
in futile attempt to sew buttons en- young
Augustus jacket, remarked "Drat these
buttons can't fad the holes, and thew
split all to pieces every time I stick the
needle into EN-" To which replied the
young Augustus-"N ov look ere, Granny!
you just let my peppermint drops alone.
You've split more'n half of 'em already"
Responses to prayers and sermons NAV
be good if they come in at the right place.
Not so, however, came in response, re-
Gently, to administer to an African church
He had come down from tho pulpit to invite
a stranger in one Of the pews to preach for
him, but was unsuccessful. Brethren ."be
said, Il invited Brother s. to preach.
but be declines?" Thank God p roarcd out
a man from the middle Of the church.
In jolly comparyeach one asked ques-
lion if it was answered, he paid forfeit.
Pats question was, "How does the little
Ground squirrel dig his hole without show.
inp any dirt about the entrance 2" When
thew all gave it up, Pat said "Sure, don't
YOU see, he begins at the other end of the
hole.o One of the rest exclaimed, "But
.L,,o @, stAbD .o;l D..