Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1872-05-14
-Lat7ach for Ha191aO2'5sts.

The Governor of Rhode Island has forbidden
the boys on stills, lest they straddle the State.
Having appeased his hunger for buffalo,
Alexis can now devote himself again to kill
ing little dears.
Grant has taken down the American Eagle
and put up the robin. Next year he can put
up the swallow.
The editor who talks of cholera being on the
wing, had better take care that 1t don t eaten
him on the fly and put him out.
An Indiana youth was acquitted when ar
raigned for allowing his horse to stand tor
twelve hours without food on the ground that
he was sparkling" his sweetheart all that time
In an article on recent fair in that city, the
editor OF a Macon paper says brother eoltor
took valuable premium; but an unklnd po-
liceman made him put it right back where he
took it from.
A California obituary: .'The deceased was
a talented man OF a romantic nature. he
placed the butt of his gun in the fire, while he
looked down the muzzle, and departed hence
s spontaneously.
A classically-minded shirtmaker entities his
under garments "Ancillary, to contra lstIn-
guish them from the common run OF machine
work, having learned that amelia in the
Latin signifies ''hand made"
A California editor, having recommended to
all his city readers out of employment to go
where sun brown labor swings his Cyclop
arms" has been besieged by visitors ever since
desiring to know old Cyclop's address.
A lady entered drug store and asked for a
bottle Of james Experience. The clerk IN
formed her that Jane hadn't bottled her expe-
rience yet, but they could furnish Jayne S
EXpectoTant.
A teacher in one Of our Sunday-schools re-
Gently asked one of her scholars, a promising
six-year old, if dogs had souls, and was an
swered in the affirmative. On inqu'rlng fur
Their where their souls went after death, the
young hopeful replied ITO the dog star"
Secretary Boutwell,, says the Washington
Patriot, would have made a good minister for
Pharaoh in the days of the Egyptian famine
He would have sworn the lean kline were IN ex-
cellent condition, and their significant ribs to-
ken of unexampled prosperity.
'My Son, :" said good mother to her young
hopeful did you wish your teacher happy
New Year?' ''No ma am, responded the
bow" well, why not?'
because" said the youth, she isn't hap
py unless she's a whipping some OF US boys,
aud was afraid if | wished her happiness,
shed go for me
is Miss Blinking at home p asked Mr..
Sanders of the Irish girl who answered the
ring at the door. ''Yis, blave she Is, sir.
us she engaged?" AN is it engaged you
say? Faith. an | can't tell ye, sir: but she
kissed Mr.. Vincent last evening as if she had
not seen the like w him, an it's engaged L
b'lave they are, sir
The Savannah News says: An Athens ne
gro showed colored brother from the rural
districts how Colt S pistol worked the other
dav. but as he failed to kill him we omit names.
Our rule in this respect is rigid. A manumlt-
ted citizen who merely mangles his victim IN
an understandable manner, without despatch
ing him, will never get his name IN our paper.
4 young lady, the other day, in the course
of a lecture. said ''Get married, young man,
and be quick about it, too. Don't wait for the
millennium, hoping that the girls will turn to
angels before you will trust yourself to one OF
them. 4 pretty thing you would be alongside
of an angel, wouldn't you, you brute
A bereaved widower, while receiving with
due acknowledgment the coincidence Of friends,
that indeed it was great loss, sad bereave-
ment that he had suffered, added, And just
think Only few days ago | bought her
whole box of pills, and she hadn't time to take
half of them before she died J.
When you can't think of what your wife
charged you to bring home, get halrpins.-
They are always handy in the house. Get them
out of your pocket without breaking the pack
age A stray hairpin may sometimes wreck
household. A young man OF this city took
home one hairpin last week to his wife. He
presented it to her as birthday gift. She
was delighted until she found long hair at
tached to it. His doctor thinks he may posi-
hIv recover the use of his eyes.