The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1872-07-05
HUMOROUS.

Where once the prairie was trackless
save for the Indian trail, it now bears
tracks of Trail; which shows what
difference little dash may make.
A Yankee doctor has cOGtrived to ex-
| tract from sausages powerful tonic,
which he says contains the whole
strength of the original bark. He calls
it the sulphate of canine.
Horace Greeley says that lightning
rods should be planted on the south
vines are more thrifty, and suffer less
from the exposure to heavy wind.
NJ Prtmhomme, in the decline oflife,
was talking to bis nephew, to whom
he related stories of his youth. But,
uncle, suddenly exclaimed the young
man, what struck you most during your
life? My dear boy, it was your aunt.
Mrs Miffiu," said visitor, Emma
has your features, but think she has
got her fathers bair.r "Oh, now i
see,n said the "dear little Emma;" tits
because l have fathers hair that he has
to wear wig"
Colonel G. was very fat, and being
a bankrupt, was met by one of his
Will u IIOW wv yOu uOy W Il
onel?" pretty well; you see i hold
my own yet "Yes," said the other,
'and mine too, to my sorrow"
"'Wake up, here, and pay for your
lodging, ~ said the deacon, as he
nudged sleepy stranger with the con-
tribution box. We were there, ard we
heard the sleepy stranger with q glance
at the minister whose sermon had mar
cotized him, "Lodging! and bored
too"
A schoolmistress, while taking down
the names and ages of her pupils, and
the names of their parents, at the be-
ginning of the tenn, asked one little
fellow, "What's your fathers name?"
aOh, you needn't take down his name;
he's too old to go to school to woman
was the reply.
An Irishman went iptO a Chicago
store, and says he Faith, an did you
put in the papers that you wanted o
man? Yes, said the store-keeper, and
| distinctly stated all applications
must be made by mail. An faith, an
it's meself that's u male, sure, says
Pat, and he was hired.
Oswego colOred conversations: / say
| Baz, where do dat comet rise at? IL
rises i'm de 46 meridian OBJ de frjgid
zadiac, and laid down in de comic al
manack. Well, where does it set,
Baz? Set, you black fool! 1t doesn't
set nowhere. When it gets tired of
shining it goes into its hole.
A female editor on Milwaukee pa
per and an q. nsibly masculine one on
| a La Crosse journal are making love
to each other through the columns Of
their respective organs. He calls her
"a charming young LADY," and tells
how her words thrill through him like
beautiful dream; and she reiterates.
Mother, said little Ned one morning,
after having fallen out of bed, | think
/ know why fell out of bed last night
1t was because l slept too near where
l got in. Musing little while, as lin
doubt whether he had given the right
explanation, he added, No, that wasn't
the reason; it was because 1 SLEPT too
near where fell oul.
| At Lynn, Mass, all comparison are
based upon shoe leather. A cObbler
having applied for admissson to an Or
thodOx church at that place, the dea-
cons held q consultation over the can
didate. Says one deacon to another
"Well, deacon, Bob G-wants to
Join our meeting'' eyes; do you
know anything against him?" swell
no. But before you take final vote
on him, I'd just like to show you job
cObbling he did for me, that's ALL"