River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1872-10-25
Humorous.

PoRr RATE OF GENTLRMAN-Sixty
dollars dozen in glass.
RAILWAY APHoRIsM-Every milk train
has a cow-catcher.
New Book" Ebenezer Divorced,
sequel to "Ebb-Pide."
THE most modest thing in creation.
The retiring tide. 3D.
WHICH goes the quicker A full
minute or spare moment.
A PAPER called The Cat has been
started in Athens, Georgia. 1t will
cultivate the Mewses.
A COMMENT" Speech is silver, but
silence golden" Hence the expression
hush money.
Way is a selfish friend like the letter
Pr Because though the first in pity,
he is the last in help. +f>
mo COWS, no cream, was the way
an intelligent compositor set up tie
words, "No cross, no crown"
Or all things in the world that are
"better late than never" going to bed
certainly ranks first. F
"HAvR you heard my last speech 2
asked political harauguer of a wit. u
:" sincerely hope SO" was the reply.
A MAINE Alderman, invited to attend
a centennial jubilee, replied: Il can't
attend this one, but I'll go next time. F"
"PUT me in my little bed is very
appropriate title for piece OF sheet
music.
A NEW abomination has appeared in
the vocabulary" nuptlated for mar.
ried.
THOSE Indianians who sell feas for
fax seed may be said to fleece their
customers. 10 4asF
WHAT is that which, when brought
to the table, is cut but never eaten2 A
pack of cards. 9fe
A PARTY on seeing a pencil sketch of
the battle of Waterloo, said it was
drawn battle. We always thought it
had been one. tr
A PHILADELPHIA advertisement reads:
"The upper part of this house to let,
containing three rooms, cellar, kitch-
en- and a back yard"
A YOUNG lady studing French and
finding that "bellen meant "fine,
told somebody in letter that we had
good deal of belle weather lately.
THE woman who never watched her
neighbor is said to be cousin to the
woman who did not know how many
dresses her sister-in-law had.
A MAN that marries a widow is n5yind
to give up smoking and chewing. If
she gives up her weeds for. him, he
should give up his weed for her.
If Uncle Sambo were to buy color
ed cotton dress for his wife, Aunt Sally,
why would it be like a street door9
Because 1t would be intended for an
egress. .f
THE following placard appears in a
Paris confectioner's window:
PERE HYACINTHEs.
A New Sweetmeat for Weddings.
(Highly Re commended to NM. les Fianees)
A WIFE of month committed suicide
in London last month by driving nee-
die into her heart. All this because
her husband found fault because his
mutton was over cooked. la~ s"
Two vestrymen of fashionable
church in New York have desperate
quarrel on hand because one of them
recently hired two burnt-cork artists to
sing in the choir, and the other, don't
want, and won't have their music.
VISITOR: Glow long has your mas.
ter been away ?n Irish footman:
g Well, sorr, if he'd come home Wis
therday, he'd been gone a wake to-
morrow; but ev he doesn't return the
day after, shure he'll been away for
night next Thorsday." fJ
PUT not your faith in him who pre-
diets a hot season-he sells ices not
in him who p. edicts a cold one-he
owns a cheap clothing establishment;
nor yet in him who declares wet one
he vends umbrellas; nor a dry one
he sells beer. sJti
THERE was one pun of Sidney Smiths
that Charles Lever never tired of tell
ing. Mrs. Grote, the wife oil the dis
tinguished historian, appeared once at
q soiree with queer sort of turban on
her accomplished head. Look at
that, said Sidney, "that's the origin
of the word grotesque." " H
AS the early morning train down on
yesterday drew mp at the principal
suburban station, pleasant-looking
gentleman stepped out ON the platform,
and, inhaling the fresh air, enthusiasts
tically observed to the brakeman:
"Isn't this invigorating2" "No, sir,
it is Bethel" said the conscientious
employee. The pleasant-lookIng gen.
tleman retired.
A GENTLEMAN once asked little girl,
an only child, how many sisters she had,
and was told "three or four" Her
mother asked Mary when they were
alone, what induced her to tell such an
untruth. "Why, mamma" cried Mary,
Il didn't want him to think you were
so poor that you hadn't but one child.
Wnnldn't he Thought We were drnffnl