The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1872-07-12
"THE RAILROAD HOG"

" AO GndO HAS GIdNCLSu VIII hOJ
recognize this as familiar des-
cription? See these railroad hogs
gather on the shady side of the
car and never offer to get up for a
lady. See them put their dirty
boots on the car cushions, and act
in every particular just as though
there were no other persons in
the world but themselves. We
clip the following from the Gales
burg Republican:
We were really amused, the 9TH
er day, in reading the description
of the railroad hog written by
literary gent who rejoices in the
romantic nom de plume of "Bray-
fogle." The scene is a railroad
car, where the railroad hog occu-
pies two seats to the exclusion of
standing and suffering passengers.
"This seat taken, SIR" Every SEN
sible man who has travelled to any
extent is familiar with this mean
and greedy formula. 1t tells the
story of the railroad hog-the
small souled, mean, selfish, brute
who pays grudgingly for one seat
| and strains his small wit to hold
two. In this particular instance,
the hog wore a plug hat shiny with
the genuine gloss; an enameled
shirt and closely cropped iron
grey beard. We all know his kind.
He is an eminently respectable
beast who always pays his debts
promptly, takes an interest in Sun
day schools administrators his de-
ceased brothers children out of
their patrimony, is the president
of joint stock companies and has
biographical eulogies published in
the newspapers when he finally
kicks the bucket. The passengers
seated near all knew very well that
the hog lied when he said, "This
seat is taken, SIR and the appli-
cant after much difficulty, found
q seat elsewhere. The passengers
then united in watching the res
pectable hog to find how often he
lied, and he performed the business
freely and easily. The coach was
rather full, and, would you believe
it, that miserable hog told sixteen
separate and distinct lies in order
to crafty his mean selfishness-
enough to have sunk 4 healthier
soul to perdition. He varied the
formula; one time it was a wave of
the hand and a look to the rear of
the car TO indicate that the holder
of the scat had gone for drink and
would be back soon. Another
time, to the inquiry of q mild
hammered and timid questioner, he
replied by q stolid stare, and then,
spreading himself little wider, he
resumed the perusal of his news
paper. More than one snubbed
and deceived passenger was temp
ted to crawl up behind him and
hiss into his ear, "You're an aw-
full liar" But they had their re-
venge. A big red-faced two hun
dred-pounder, in a dirty linen
coat, came in at Wataga. He was
sweaty to a fearful degree. His
feet smelt like valerinate of am
monia and rotten fish, and his
breath was hot, sinking sirocco,
based on bad whisky and onions.
This fiery and fragrant behemoth
preferred to settle himself in the
seat that was taken. "This seat is
-" began the hog. "Well, I
guess I'll take it till the other fell
low comes" returned the sweet
smelling heavyweight, and down
he pumped, partially crushing the
hog in his descent. The latter
frowned and began to buster, but
the red-faced ruffian soon took
that out of him with q threat to
swallow him whole-to chaw him
up and spit him QUITO pitch him
out Of the window-to go through
him like q dose of salts, and to
make various other dispositions
of him in case he didn't simmer
down. Our porcine friend sim
mered, and then the barbarian
grew good humored. He told fun
ny anecdotes, and poked the hog
in the ribs. He wanted to know
where he was going. He spit
quarts of tobacco juice across him
out of the window, scattering his
shirt fronts, betweet his boots,a and
on his valise, and all around. He
offered him a "chaw" every time
he took out his plug of navy. The
hog perspired freely, and shivcred
with disgust. Finally he crawled
out and stood up for forty miles,
until another seat was vacated.
Now, we joyously ask the conun-
drum, if that especial hog was not
seryed just right in having this
delicious bit of retributive justice
administered to him?