Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1872-07-06
Varieties.

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WHY do carpenters believe that there
is no such thing rs stone? They never
Saw it.
SoNG of the garden seed-Lay me in
my little bed.
WHY is Ireland like an unopened
bottle? Because each has Cork in it,
The first ark tick explorer-Noah's
bed bugs.
A HoRsEy man, hearing mention made
of the Latin races" wished to know
where they were held.
WHAT requires more philosophy than
taking things as they Gomez Parting
with things as they go.
LET'S investigate" is what they say
now, instead of the more vulgar Come
and take a drink"
AN old sailor at the theater said he
supposed the dancing girls wore their
dresses half-mast as u mark Of respect
to departed modesty. ~
They have Dolly Warden chills in
Georgia. The sufferer turns all sorts of
colors, and is terribly bumped up.
WHY is Salt Lake City like an orphan
asylum? Because there are so many
Young children there.
A WESTERN editor, in writing the
obituary of a respectable citizen, says
that he has gone to that undiscovered
burn"
| JOSH BILLINGS says he never knew a
dog of eny breed whatsumever to take
| hyderfoby after he had been thoroughly
| yoccinatpd with buck shot
BOARDING SCHOOL MISS go, Charliel
| expect to graduate at next COM
mencement." "Graduatel what will
you graduate in? ?" "Why, in white
| tulle ~
In White county, Ga, on the 10Th
ult., Mr.. Chas. Collingsworth was mar
ried to Miss Annie S. Bred. Having
got his Bread, Charles said he didn't
want any but her.
A MIDDLE-sIzED boy writing com
position on Extremes" remarked that
eve should endeavor to avoid extremes,
especially those of wasps and bees"
A VILLAGE lawyer saw an advertised
recipe to prevent wells and cisterns
from freezing. He sent his money, and
received the answer, "Take in your
well or cistern.on cold nights, and keep
it by the fire.
81 DON'T mean to reflect on you," said
coarse, would be wit to man whom
he had insuted. "No," was the reply,
you're not polished enough to reflect
upon anybody"
SCENE: Recitation in metaphysics.
Protessor-Whch is the most delicate
of the senses? Senior-The sense of
touch. Professor-Give an example.
Seniority chum can feel his mustache,
but no one can see it.
SMITH and Jones were at the menag-
erie, and the conversation turned on
Darwin's theory Look at that mon
key" said Smith. "Think of it's being
an undcvcloped human!" " Human p
said Jones, contemptuously. "Is's no
more human then | am.
ave will meet in heaven, husband,
DEAR" is the atlcctionate epitaph which
an Ohio woman has had inscribed upon
the tombstones of each of three departed
husbands. Trouble ahead in that family
certain.
SrINKs says that when he is buried he
shall not be particular about plumes
and things on the hearse, but he would
like to have somebody in the process.
sion carry his life insurance policy on q
pole, that people may see what a rich
widow he has left.
Two New York Assemblymen were
walking down State street, in Albany,
after the passage Of the charter bill. 81
feel, ," said one of them, as if deserved
to be kicked for voting for the charter"
His friend replied, "That's just the way
| feel myself; let's go up this alley and
| kick each other.n
I" Is THIS seat unoccupied ?" asked an
exquisite of an elderly laiy, of rustic
design, in the cars at Norwalk, Satur-
day evening. &c don't know" said she,
hastily running her hands with great
deal of feeling over the surface. " 1t
feels mostly like plush, but you can't
always tell"
ILLUSTRATIVE of the reputation Ameri-
can grass widows have all over the
world, the following about women items
from the Ramarische Post, Bucharest, is
interesting: "A Connecticut widow,
bowed down with grief, telegraphed to
her friends MY husband is dead. Loss
fully covered by Insurance.
AN attendant at Mount Vernon not
long ago observed lady weeping most
bitterly, her handkerchief to her eyes.
Going up to her, he said, +" Are you in
trouble, madam "No, sir" she
sobbed. 81 saw you weeping" "Ah,"
she said, show can one he p weeping
| /. ~c ho sc h;o