The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1872-03-29
. WIT AND WISDOM.
Chamber music-Baby!

pretty woman.
A woman's lot is made for her by the
love she accepts.
Anass may bray long while before
he shakes the stars down.
In the vain laughter of folly wisdom
hears half its applause.
4 pre-amble-A walk before break
tast.-[Lowen Courier. ~ . q
To manage men, one ought to have a
sharp mind in a velvet sheath.
Why is the inside of everything IN
observation-disclosures we can't make it
ont. t.rtE
The wit of most women rather
strengthens their folly than their rea-
son.
when we were boys together, is the
sad refrain of the Siamese twins.
A young lady, recently betrothed,
says that &C. o. D. means call on
dad
1t is a queer woman who asks no
questions, but the man who does is the
querist.
We can forgive those who bore us,
but never those who are bored by rs.
i Roehefoucauld. XXX: '
A Toledo chap was quite smitten
with his neighbor's wife. She did it
with rolling-pin.
The latest Coloradian euphonism
for baldheadedness-Your head is get
ting above timber line.
Mrs. Darlington says she does wish
they would hurry up and pass the sill
yer service bill in Washington.
SAKE graphically describes a certain
piece of beefsteak as ''an infringement
on Goodyears patent"
Life is a contradiction! We send to
our butcher for sweet-bread; and if
we want sweet-meat, We send to our
baker.-[Fun.
The japanese make strong string
of paper, and We have seen a very good
cord of wood. Out not lately.)
'Ah, parson, wish 1 could take my
gold with me- said dying deacon to
his pastor. 1T might melt was the
consoling reply.
cerity of others, We believe them most
to be sincere when talking of ourselves,
wretched old bachelor says-sAf-
ter all woman's heart is the sweetest
thing in the world; lisa perfect honey
comb-full of sells
A San Francisco man found an east
erner's wallet and promptly restoted
it. They're pretty honest out there,
IN general way, but they will mi DR.
der.
Little Maude Ito the colonel from
India, with n heavy beard aud bald
head)-'Uncle, why don't you wear
this chIgnon on the top of your head?'
The census, it is said, embraces s. v-
enteen millions of women. Upon
which fact a contemporary enthusils-
tically asks, who wouldn'tbe acensus?'
Jones, on being asked by Mrs. J..
why he didn't have q dumb waiter in
the dining room. Immediately replied
that he had tried them, but they didn't
answer.
Sunday ont: Betsey-'Shall you be
goin' out this afternoon, muh"
Mistress Il think not. Betsey.' Bet
sey-"Cos you can If yer like; 1 don't
want to go Fun.
Mrs. Darlington has lately been
studying Latin with success. But. as
a good churchwoman, she cannot hold
with the rule 'Festina lente.' She
disapproves OF feasting in Lent.
A young man, having a recent mil
road disaster in mind, has broken his
engagement with a young lady because
she is negligent about her train, and
does not mind her switch. q.
Cousin Lizzy-'I don't think, Cous-
in Joe, we were waltzing in time.
Cousin Joe-"Think so? Perhaps not,
if you were keeping time to the bass,
as know was keeping time to the
treble
Alphonse, (who has had an attack of
neutrality-suspicious., madam it
is not re trouble Eat your daughter is
my wife, NOu! 1t is because she is not
an orphan when she is married to mel
A school-boy having very good
naturally helped another in difficult
lesson, was angrily questioned by the
teacher: why did you work his les
son?' TO lessen his work replied
the youngster.
Baby (solemnly; he has been left at
grandmamma's for few hours, and
begins to find it rather 'slow.0 Gran
ma! wasn't to eat too much plum
cake (Grandmamma feels the re-
buke and rings the bell)
Two men employed at one of our
hardware stores were engaged this
noon, in putting up:. stove for West
street lady. During heavy lift one of
of them told the other to spit ON his
hands, when.both were nonplussed by
the lady hastily eXclaiming, ooh, don't
do that; here's spittoon. Danbury
News.
DIR. y. had q feast, and among other
things, and very unprofessional, seeing
it. is made of enlarged and diseased
hvers, pate de foie gras. A day or
two after, when he wished to order
something for lunch, the cook mildly
suggested: Yes, sir, there is almost
the whole of that paddy's photograph
that you had the other day.
inscription on the gravestone of q
western editors wife: TO the memory
of Tabitha, wife of Moses Skinner.
Esq, gentlemanly editor of the from
bone. Terms, s. year, invariably in
advance. 4 kind mother and exem-
plary wife. Office over Coleman's
grocery, up two flights of stairs.
Knock hard. We shall miss thee.
mother, we shall miss thee. footprint
ing solicited.
The ratio of Jewish pupils strongly