Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1872-03-10
THE JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS.
New AshfOrd-WhAt q "GenfaI Old
Saint Knew About Rum and Tanxy.

NCH w MAJ - 0CnhbA OAO
Saint Knew About Rum and Tanzy.
July, 1871.-The village of New Ashford
IL lokated in the state ov Massachusetts,
and IL about 80 miles west ov Plymouth
rok.
1t Il one oY them towns that don't make
emmy fuss, but for pure water, pure morals,
and good rye, and injun bread, it stands on
tiptoze.
1t waz settled soon after the landing oy
the pilgrims, by sum ov that party, and like
all the NJ England towns, waz, at one
time, celebrated for its stern religious creed,
and its excellent rum and fanny.
1t may seem leetle strange, to these lat
ter day saints, tew hear me mix up rum and
religion together, but 1 had an Unkle, who
preached Gods word in the next town south
ov New Ashford, so years old, who died in
due time, and went to heaven.
This genial old SAN. alwus took, on week
daze, three magnificent horns ov rum and
tanZy, and Sundaze he took four.
1 hav no doubt it heightened out biz
time, and braced up his faith.
But l wouldn't advise any one ov the
yung klergy ov to-day tew meddle with rum
and tanzy, as fertilizer.
The tanzy is all rite--it grows az green
and az bitter az ever, for man kant adultu-
rate it, but the rum haz bin bedeivled into
rank pizon.
One SIGH horn az mi old unkle used tew
absorb between hiZ sermons on Sunday g
inches, good and strong) would disfran-
chise whole drove Ov preachers now.
In them daze, the preacher waz a stall
wart man, and could mo bis swarth in the
hay field, with the best ov them, and could
ride hard trotting cob or boss, @ miles
an hour, all day, akrost the mountains, and
set doun at night, to billed pork an kabbage,
and kold iDjun puddin, and after thanking
the Lord for his menny mersys, eat hiz way
klean to the middle ov the table.
But times, and men, hav altered, and so
haz rum, and tanzy.
l don't want them good old times tew
cum back sgin; we aint pure enutf now tew
stand them, neither are we Iuff enuff.
Our virtews may be az pure in the eyes
ov heaven, but they kant stand the billed
pork, and rum, ov one hundred years ago.
We are told that mankind are growing
weaker, and wizer; weaker / admit, but
wisdum that is gained at the expense oV
simplicity may be doubtful gain.
1 never haV met an old man yet who
didn't mourn the degeneracy of the times.
Wisdum don't konsist in knowing more
that IL new, but in knowing less that II
false.
But, dear Weekly, will now git back
WHARF am, and tell yu sumthin about New
Ashford.
If yu luv mountain cum up here and
see me.
Right in front ov the little tavern, WHARF
l am staying, rizes up a chunk ov land that
will make yu feel weak tew look at it.
hav bin on its top, and far above wsz
the brite blu ski, without kloud swimming
in it, while belo me the rain shot slanting
on the valley, and the lightning played its
mad pranks.
How is this for his
But what a still place this New Ash
ford il.
At sunFize the roosters crow all around,
once piece; at sunset the cows cum hol-
lowing home tew be milIzed; and at twiiite
out steal the krickets, with song, the bur-
den OV which seems sad and weary.
This IL all the racket thare IL in New
Ashford. 1t IL so still here that you can
hear feather drop from blujays tail.
Out oil this mountain, squeezed by the
weight oy it, leaks little brook ov water,
and up and down this brook loiter.
In my hand hav short pole, on the end
ov pole a short line, and on the line
sharp hook, looped on the hook grub, or
a worm.
Every now and then thare Gums dancing
out ov this little brook a live trout no
longer than yure finger, but az sweet az
Stike Ov handy, and in he goes at the top
Of mi baskit.
This IL what am here for; trout for
breakfast, trout for dinner and trout for
supper.
l am az happy and az lazy as yerling
heifer.
hav not kare on my mind. not an AXE
IN mi boldly.
l haven't read nuzepaper for week,
and wouldn't read one for dollar.
l shall stay here till mi mummy giys out,
and shall cum bak tew the senseless crash
0v the city, with tear in mi eye, and holes
n both OV mi bOots.-NeI0 York Weekly.