The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1872-01-13

I - E,k. "a u - SsH = 81
A bill Of expense-Bill Tweed.
Why are young ladies SO partial to sunset and
twilight? Because they daughters of Eve.
Why is a young lady forsaken by her lover like
deadly weapon? Because she is a cutlass.
a Wisconsin man reported that he couldn'
find a word in the dictionary, because @ the
blasted book hadn't got an index"
\ Man who is advertising lodgings to let =. fol
early risers'' adds, 40 Cochin China fowls of un-
usual vocal powers kept the adjoining
premises"
The editor of the Marion Qnd.) Chronicle
offered his paper for one year prize TOR the
largest watermelon. Although over 100 have
been brought to rae Office, he hasn't made the
award yet.
Major Hunter is his name now, and he lives in
Delaware You know all the rest-neyer took a
dUse Of medicine, voted for all the presidents and
saw a cord of wood before breakfast without
glasses
Stephen Pearl Andrews states clearly enough
that - the AbsOlutOid and AbstractOId Elements
Of Being echoes reappears by analogy,
within the ReatOid and COncretOid EabOrismus. -
We really don't know whether to agree with him
or not
The modes Of punishment on board ships of the
United States navy often novel they are
efeetive. Two seamen were recently reported
fghting and they were sentenced o. mug each
other Tor four hours. with sentry over them to
see that they did 1t afectiOnately.
Gilman, III, is pleasantly. agitated by late
elOpement. The lover went after his girl in a
light vehicle with muflled wheels, while an ac-
cOmplice drove a heavier machine adapted to max
ing as much noise as possible. The lady being
duly deposited in the muffed vehicle, the heavy
one dashed of at furious rate, with papa in hot
pursuit, white the lovers nOiseIessly driving
in the opposite direction, and shortly became
and wife.
In these days of frequent divorce it may not be
malaprOpOs To quote from recent English book
a good anecdote OF Opie and Goodwin. 0pe was
divorced from his first wife, and Goodwin was an
infdel. They were walking together near st.
Martins Church.
'Hal" said Opie; 81 was married in that
church, N.-. e. 1
..Indeed!'' said Goodwin; and was chris
tened in it
- 1t is not good shop replied Opie; q their
trOrk don't ida''
Some one asked Mrs Cady Stanton if she
Thought that girls possessed tire physique neces-
sary for the wear and tear of college course of
study. Her reply is both sensible and sarcastic.
- [ would like to. you" said Mrs. Stanton,
- take thirteen hundred young men, and lace
them up, and hang ten twenty pounds weight
of clothes to their waists, perch them upon three
mons, rats and mice, and stick ten thousand hair
pins into their scalps; if they stand all this.
they can stand little Latin and Greek" -
Respect for parents seems not to reach the
Scriptural standard in Western Pennsylvania
One James Moore, of Pittsburg, offended his chill
dren last week, and they proceeded 10 - take him
in hand" They first beat him until he was in
sensible, then threw hiIn down precipice forty
feet high, and finally laid him a track for a
passing train 10 - finish But It would seem
that the man had as many lives as a eat for, in
stead Of being '' finished" his offspring in
tended he should be, he has yentured to complain
to the police that he has not been treated with
proper respect by his children. 81
A tall, green sort of a fellow walked into
Broadway saloon, while since. where the visi-
tors were talking politics loudly, and stretching
himself mp to his full height, exclaimed: ''W here
are the Democrats? Show me Democrat, gentle
men, and L will show you liar!' In an instant
n man stood before the noisy inquirer in war
like attitude, and said ss am Democrat, sir,
- You are?-' - Yes. sir, | am 80 Well, just
you step round the corner with me, and III show
YOU a fellow who said L eOuldnt find Democrat /
in the ward. Amt he liar, 1 should like to
knOW?"
Guest How comes this dead iy in my soup?' !
Waiter In fact, sir, | have positive idea 1
how the poor thing came to its death. Perhaps
1t had not taken any food for long time, dashed .
Inflammation of the stomach and brought on DEATH /
The ay must have weak constitution, for when
served the soup it was dancing merrily upon the
surface. Perhaps-and the idea presents itself
only at this mOment-it endeavOred to swallow
too large a piece of vegetable; this remaining
fast in bis throat, caused choking in the wind
pipe. This is the only reason could give for the
death of this insect"
Unless we 90 bout face - at once, we now know
what is in store for u.s. according 10 the tenor of
Mrs. WOodhull's speech at Williamsburg, the
other day. We didn't suppose it was so bad.
Hear her: We propose, however, to give Con-
gress one last chance of repentance. and then 1t
shall be weighed in the balance. and it found want
ing, woe betide it. We will rebel, and in that
rebellion shall flow rivers Of blood, compared with
Ehich, that shed in the late will be but as
drop of summer rain in the boundless ocean that
aVes our shores, and on the ruins of the old cor
rupt male government, will establish the new,
pure, almost divine female administration.