Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-02-23
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is ore.
The Best Place in Winter Between
two fires"
Why should fisherman be rich Be-
cause his is all net profit.
Why is a spider good correspondent?
Because he drops line by every post.
Don't rob yourself" as the farmer said
to the lawyer who called him hard names
"No cards." as the pious father said when
he gave his son lashing for playing euchre.
Running accounts will run away with
PERSONS credit more rapidly than anything
else.
A Toledo chap was quite smitten with
his neighbours wife. She did it with roll
ing.pin.
A miser's first rule in arithmetic is addi-
ton, but his heirs generally begin with Gil
vision.
To become respeotable-say Eyes" to ev-
cry other mans opinions, and have none Of
your own.
We hear great deal about labor reform.
but there seems to be greater need OF re-
forming some of those fellows who don't Ia
Dor.
Naturalists claim that the crow is one OF
the bravest of birds, because he never shows
the white feather.
Having appeased bis hunger for buffalo,
Alexis can now devote himself again to
"killing little dears."
A wise man has said: "Though man
without money is poor, a man with moth
ing but money is poorer"
A darkey says, "All men are made OF
clay. and, like meerschaum pipes, are more
valuable when highly colored."
An escaped leopard is traversing New
Jersey. He does not tarry long in one
place, but changes his spots continually.
A man out West has just returned from
an Indiana camp meeting. He says that
the right spirit prevailed-he tasted it out
of a black jug.
would say to all young men, marry
your second wife first, and keep out Of debt |
ny ~. rA~-s-~. exam you have to borrow |
the money 10 10 ~.
An affectionate wife, awhose husband is
but too often nelriated, says he is like the
money market-tle more he gets tight the
dearer he become.
A disconsolate Vidower said be thought
Of having the boo of his wife embalmed.
but be found tina be could have her men,
ory embalmed Oh eaper, and he did that.
Bains. Says modern philosopher -
"People 60 according to their brains if
these lie in the head, they study; if in their
stomach, they eat if in their heels, they
dance"
Il am speaking" said long-winded
orator, ''for the benefit Of posterity."-
"Yes,' said one Of his audience, land, if
you keep on much longer, your audience
will be here.
A correspondent of New York paper,
declares that the husbands Of strong mind.
ed women become nobodies. This is not
strictly true, for large majority of hus-
bands are nobodies at the start.
Here, Alfred, is an apple, divide it po-
litely with your little sister. How shall l
divide it politely, mamma. By giving the
largest part of it to your sister, my child
Here, sis, you divide it yourself.
What shall we name our little boy p
said young wife to her husband. Call
him Peter" "Oh, no I never knew any
body named Peter that could earn his salt.
'.Well, call him Salt Peter, then"
A girl at Peru writes TO male acquaint-
ance :--"Come over and see me: we have
a new lamp at our house that we can turn
down, down, until there is scarcely hit Of
light in the room"
An inveterate bachelor, who was asked
by romantic young lady "why he did not
secure some fond ones company in his voy-
age on the ocean Of life," replied II
would if / we're sure such an ocean would
be pacific! y
The principals Of young ladies boarding
schools are careful to impress upon the pu.
pills that when they see anything improper
they should 60 by it without delay and &C.
cordingly when they hear of new French
novel they 60 buy it Immediately.
Somebody has invented bung hole for
beer-barrels to prevent revenue frauds
There is but one sort of hole that will ef-
fectually prevent frauds under the present
Administration, and that was invented
when the first man was buried
At a social party, where humorous def
nitions was one of the games of the evening,
the question was put: ''What is religion ?"
:'Religion,' replied one Of the party, more
famous as man of business than wit, is
an insurance against fire in the next world
for which honesty is the best policy"
A DIFFERENT TH1Na.-Mrs. Browns
pretty waitress got married the other day.
"And hear yo1 are going to Australia
with your husban /. Kitty said her mis-.
tress. care you lot afraid of such long,
dangerous voyage.
'Well. ma am, that's his lockout. I be-
long to him now, an if anything happens
to me sure it'll be ais loss, not mine.'
LAWYER VS.. DooToR.-Lawyers are in the
habit Of showing their powers Of sarcasm at
the expense of witness whenever they get
an opportunity. Occasionally they meet
their match in the witness box. The following
dialogue took place in the Wharton case at
Baltimore between Attorney General Seys-
ter and DR.. Warren
Lawyer A doctor ought to be able to
give an opinion of a disease without mis-
takes.
Witness: They are as capable as law
yer.