The Lincoln County herald., 1872-09-25
TERMS OF ADvER vlsi Nc.

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Why is the Emerald Isle lof.ies then
tho AIps2 Because it's (h)Irelasd, Of
course.
Ne stone msrts the huubls resting
place Of tbs men that thought he could
tell US how to run a newspaper.
The impscun,ous market gardner Who
wants to know how to start little nuv.
sery, is stropgly advised to get married.
A grave yard inscription 10 Ksnns.
bunk, Ne, reeds thus: "Poov 10, his
hesd is level now If it sas never Be.
fore."
Judgs-"Wsll, you are fond Of steal-
ing /; if l should let you steal now, what
would you s,eal2"
Prisonsr-"I would steal away, your
honor"
Always give up the road to bulls and
madmen; and never fight with . coal
HEAVIER, or contend With . base character,
for they will DO sure to blaeken you
Spurgeon.
A little hoy accostcd his papa thus
Papa, arc you growing still?" mo,
dear; what makes you think SOP "Be-
cause the top Of your head is coming
through your hair"
"Ah, ladies'" said On old bon vivont,
as he opened bottle of wine, what is
more delightful than the popping of
champagne cork ?" The popping Of
the question !" unanimously cried tho
ladies.
The most gallant man ever heard Of 10
one who refrsiued from kicking dog
that had bitten him because it was fs.
male dog. "If it was not for your SEX"
said he, "l'd kick your head off,
Old Scotch ladv-Take snuff. sir?
Gentleman, with large Nasal promon.
tory. indignantly-Do l look like .
snuffer?
Old lady Well, I Gamma just say you
do, though mnun say 20 hae grand
accom- m oda tons"
A Brooklyn lady. whose husband has
an unpleasant habit Of railing at her,
has hit upon the plan Of calling in her
servants when he begins to let out his
temper, and then turning to h IN and
saying sweetly. "Now. nv dear, please
90 on with your remarks" He doesn't
60 on, at least not as be began.
1t is told Of young gentleman whom
maiden liked. but her father didn't,
that at reasonable hour the old gent
mildly intimated that the time for retir.
ing had arrived. II think you are cor.
rect, my dear SIR" answered the nine.
teenth century, modestly "we have been
waiting over an hour for you to put
yourself 10 your little bed" Father
retired thouehtfully.
A life insurance solicitor piled his
calling pleasantly and persistently, at
the White Sulphur Spring, abd finally
lit on a tough old gentleman, and Ia.
bored with him for policy. The old
gentleman determined to bring matters
to a crisis, and put the question to him in
this shape:
my dear sir, I think on the whole I
won't take out life policy; but I will
tell you what I should feel willing to
do; can you insure my soul p
"Wsll, sir, that is something a little
out Of our line-we don't take fire risks.
Charles Erskins was. at the sge of
twenty. a teacher Of Latin in the Ediu-
burgh University. On one occasion,
after his elevation TO the bench, young
lawyer, in arguing case before him. used
a false Latin quantity; whereupon his
lordship soid, with good patured emile.
care you sure. sir, you are correct 10
your quantity thers?" Tbs young
counsel was usttled at the query and re-
torted, pstulaptly. my lord, I never
was q schoolmastsr" NO" replied the
Judge "nor, I think, q scholar either"
DANGERS OF SLEEP WALKING Bel.
AGAR Smith bad = very bad and vtry
dangerous habit Of walking in his sleep.
His family feared that during some one
Of his somnambulistic saunterings, he
would charge out of the window and kill
himsslf; 70 they persuaded him to sleep
with his little brother William, and TO
tie one end Of rope around bis body
and tho other around the waist Of little
William. The very 6rst night after this
arrangement was made Bslshazxar
dreamed that o burglar was pursuing
him with dagger So be crept over to
Williams side Of the bed, stepped over
Williams slumbsring form, jumped out
on the floor and slid undor the bed. He
stayed there awhile fast asleep. and then
his nightmare having changed, he
emerged upon the other side Of the bed,
and got under the covers in his old place.
The rope, it will bs observed. was be-
meath the bed, and it was pulled taught.
too. Farley in the morning Bslshaxzsr.
about half awake, scrougsd over sgainst
William. To his surprise the movement
jsrksd William cleas out Of bed. Bells.
hazzar lsaped cut to ascertain the cause
of this phenomenon, aud at the same