Beaufort Republican. [volume] (Beaufort, S.C.) 1871-1873, 1872-10-24
The Lightning Rod Man.

lie called IN all his TdulduI DtduGS ouo
ipimitable cheek. Unfor unately we
were in healthy condition, and he was
not denied admittance. We knew at
once that he was tie lightning rod man,
and we groaned in anticipation of the
coming af1iction. "The editor" he
asked, with bow.
No, theseditor has just gone out to
kill life insurance man."
Well, l can explain the matter ID
you. Being a man of literary attain
ments, you undoubtedly take an interest
in science, which in few years has
covered the earth with railroads and
telegraphs, which has filled the rivers
with steamboats,, and the sea with float
ing palaces, which has found means to
defy the lightning of heaven"
L" We take not the slightest interest In
science. We regard Robert Fulton as
an imposter, Stephenson as nuisance,
Morse as an unmitigated ruffin, and
think that Benjamin Franklin should
have been tied to the tail of his own
kite, and sent on voyage of discovery
among the thunderbolts. He it was who
invented lightning rod men, the vllest
wretches who cucumber the earth. A
| law should be at once passed giving
every mau in the community right to
kill any lightning rod man on sight, or
nail him to the chimney, and stick
lightning rod down his throat, so that
the first sportive thunderbolt that should
come that way should annihilate him."
We were getting angry, and we are
mild spoken in our anger. He now
planted himself in chair, as serene and
calm as though we had been calling him
a benefactor to the human race.
" You don't understand this light
ming rod-it is the most recent .inven-
ton, unlike anything ever before pro-
duced. 1t will yet take rank with such
inventions as printing, the steam engine
and the telegraph. The world will yet
revere the inventor as benefactor
second to no one man who has ever
lived. The lightning rod is for protect
ing the person, not dwelling. 1t is a
composition Of India rubber, iron, and
chemical known only to the inventor.
1t is to be wound around the body, and
run from the crown of the hat to the
boot heel. Lightning will have no
power to harm the man who wears it.
The rod is also a protection against
violence A man in Nevada wore one Of
them. In a drunken row he WAS shot at
seventeen times without being injured,
a hatchet exploded and killed the man
in whose hands it was when he attempt
! ed to strike the man who wore the
charmed lightning rod-that is the name
it bears He took voyage to San Fran
cisco. On the way the train on which
he was travelling was pitched down a
gorge 1900 feet in depth. Everybody
else on the train was killed, and the
cars and locomotive were dashed to
pieces, and he walked to San Francisco
without experiencing the slightest incon-
venience. The man who uses the
charmed lightning rod cannot die by
violenee-it is doubtful, indeed, if he
will ever die, as no person who has
purchased one has yet died"
He would have continued, but we
interrupted him with -'' You wear one
of them ?''
:" [ wouldn't be without one of them
for sums untold-would sooner do with
out food and sleep"
And would it be impossible to hurt
you while you wear it ?'
:: As impossible as it would be for a
fly to eat up the Rocky Mountains.
will you wait for US for few
minutes, while We give some necessary
directions ?"
Certainly" was his instant reply.
My entire afternoon is at your service" J"
We went out and collected al the men
employed in the building and told them
the circumstances, and each man armed
| himself at once. None of them had
ever killed man, and each was anxious
to enjoy the luxury of trying to do so.
We got neighbor who owns a Russian
bloodhound as big as Shetland pony,
to bring him into the building. We
then marched double file INTO the
editorial rooms. The man with the dog
led the way. The noise caused the
lightning man to turn his head. He
gave one howl, and fed through the
back door, followed by volley Of shot
! and the Russian bloodhound. We follow
ed them up Franklin Street and across
the Park to Broadway. There We stopped.
But the bloodhound did not return for
two days, and there was fendish glare
IN his eyes as though he had been enjoy
ing himself in his savage way. We
much fear that the L. r. NJ. has been
digested ere this. The fate of this
wretched man should be lesson to all