The avant courier. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1871-1872, 1872-01-18
AVANT COURIER.
Jersey Lightning.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.


BY JOSH BILLINGS.
Jersey lightning is cider brandy, thre
hoars old, stfH born, and quicker than fiasl
TIE JUICE II drank raw bY all old sports, IN
a fhaasesaP fEmonitory and kissing noise az
winds down the throat, like an old she COOS
setting on eggs, or hot iron stuck into ic
Nsfers nfhree horns-a day Of this ticker vii
tan mans interior in six months so that h
Kan swallow six-footed crab, feet fust, an
not waste wink.
y don't fatten man cider don't) lik
wlaskee does, but Fuckers him up like frie,
pertaters. Il a man can survive the fus
three years Of Jersey lightnin' he Ii safe thcl
for the next Is years tew come, and keep
looking every year like a three year-old pep
per pod-hotter and hotter AN old eide
brandy drinker, will steam in sudden show
er of rain like a pile of stable manure and
his breath smells like the bunghole of rum
cask just emptied. When Jersey lightning ii
fast born il tastes Ike bileing turpentine and
cayenne, half and half, and will raise blood
blister on pair Of old cowhde brogans in
fifteen minutes, and when taken eternally
will cure rumatism, or kill the patient, / for
get which. tf-g 4. .e s.s
The first horn a man takes of this Ticker
will make him think he has swallow Ia gas
tight, and be viii go out behind the barii and
try to die, but kant. The eyes ov an old cider
brandlstl looks like deep gashesa cut into a
ripe tomato, his noze liz the komplexshun of
half boiled lobster, and the grizzle iai his
outlet sticks ont ike an e1bo in a tin ladle.
The more viiiainous the drink, the more in
yeterable are .thoze who drink.gI kant tell
yer whether cider brandee will shorten an old
suckers days or not, for they generally out
live all the rest of tho naburs. and die Just az
soon rs the old tavern stand changes hands
and is opened on temperance principals. One
bottle of sassaparilfa or ginger poppiis az la
tai TO these old fellers az a rife ball is tew a
bed bug. No. 49, ..g. .tA..,,.ss
Railroad Frogress-Pacifc Divi-
sion.
The latter part of this week has been IA
vorable weather for railroad work, 80 far; and
although the recent storms did considerable
damage to several places on the grade the
work Of closing repairs, ballasting, gravel
ing, Fip-rapping, etc. sesms to be going on
satisfactorily to those in charge.
Twenty-one miles Of iron is no " laid. and |
construction trains are engaged iii taking
down the line such material az seems to be
requisite ct the front.
The bark Helen Almy arrived this week
from San Francisco, loaded with railroad irons
being part Of the cargo of the Horatio Har-
ris, and two more barks are reported due
withrailrsad ironf TT Ssss IN So
first-class passenger and baggage car ar
rived this week, and is now ready for the
soon expected twenty-five mile excursion.
On the ten mile extension, Mr.. Montgom-
cry is shifting the force OF Chinese that
worked on his twenty-five miles contract.
On the thirty miles clearing and grabbing
here are about one hundred hands.
The skedaddling contractors, Lamb and
abbott, were erroneously reported as having b.
lad the award of the thirty miles contract !;
N the contrary, there is no decision yet as to
Vhether there will d new letting, or tile
ward made to one Of the parties who bid
efore-so we hear reported .--Kalana Bea-
on. sf. ~ 1eFTf4aa$E II h