Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1872-12-15

Perkins uufolded another slip, "What is
George Washington engaged in at the pres
eat time?" M
Ale and Abe Lincoln are now up in
the seventh sphera, sitting across an mag
mary log, playing old sledge for nectar.
The father Of his country is in bis shirt
sleeves with q patent Byron paper collar
on, number fifteen, and the la.e lamented
has on a pair of alligator BOOTS, reaching
half way up his thighs, and a stove pipe
nat with the nap all rubbed of.
Next quesiion-How did it happen that
Noah let snakes into his ark?
A.-Shem had been on a spree for week
before the old man sallei ], and had 'em 10
his boots, and his pa;ernal derivation .dn't
know anything about it.
Q.-Who is the smartest man In the
world?
A.-Professor Emilius Quintilian Per-
kins.
Old Perk read offthis without hesitation,
but With modest bushes, which did him
infinite credit.
Q-Who is the next smartest?
Alt rests between young man, which
his last name is Smith, and Solomon, the
son of David-the Gods have not yet deci-
ded the point.
(Which is the best way to rid the city
OF smallpox?
A.--Make every patient a member of the
City Council, confine the present members
to the pesthouse, AID shut off the nurses
and tie doctors.
here slipped in this question;
"Whst viii be the length of Sam Jones's
days here on esrth?"
Bob looked wilder than ever, and held
his breath S old Perkins, in cultural tones
read off the answer:
''The promising youth will hand in his
checks, and quit forever this gay and festive
scene, tomorrow night at twelve O'Clock,
sharp"
was sstonished and frightened at the
effect this interesting response had on Sam.
His head few back suddenly, as if some
one had touched spring at the base of his
skull, and he rolled out of his chair and laid
spraTling on the floor, as white as sheet
and as cold as death. He had tainted
badly. Dick Wilson had quart of epizOo-
tic drops, which he Gncorked and slip
tilted" into poor Sans mouth and nose, and
it acted like magic. The patient instantly
sat up; we gave him four fingers, without
sugar, and It brought him to his knees; we
msgnanimousiy voted that be should have
one more swig, and that fetched him I'D
standing. TIE interesting little chat with
our good friends over the border was re-
sumed.
Q-Who is the greatest General of mod
ern times?
A.-General Grant.
Q-Whois tie greatest General that ever
lived?
A.-General Grant.
Q-Who is the greatest General that ever
will live?
A-General Grant.
Jim johnson cried, "Rsh! for Grant ~
but he cooled down when the two next
questions were answered.
Q.-Who answered the three last ques-
tioDs?
A Radical. He slipped in and re-
| sponded before we could stop him; but he
won't trouble us any more.
@. Where is he now?
AIN hell.
Jim paled little under the gills, but,
reaching down into his side-poCket, he up
| beayed two quart flask Of corn.juica, aud
! turned off about milk g05les of it, and
| then said, in 6rm voice: Progress with
the exhibition" The next question wa:
"rhe next time the ace comes when
am playing, will it win or l0se?'
Peter Tracy bent forward to catch the
! answer, which was eyes" Pete looked
puzzled and unsatisfed-iike, but he said
| nothing.
Q-How lone will it be before we have
a Democratic President?
A.-Not until the RAIDS steal all the
money.
Q-What Democrat will want the Office
| then?
Ale isn't yet born.
(Which is the meanest drink?
! A.-S0me drinks are better than others,
| but none are mean.
Q.-Who answered thai?
A.-Zick Chandler.
Q-ls Zacx dead?
A.-No, but his soul left him years
Q-Who will be the next Mayor of NJ en-
phis?
A.-Ed. Shaw.
Q.-Does 10 white Radical want the Of.
A.-Oh, yes, lots Of 'em, but Ell. lay
over them in point of character, as vel
as style, and the darkies go their death OF
both.
Q.-Who can make The best toddy il the
world?
A.-Barbour Lewis.
Q.-Who can beat anybody drinking it
A.-The gentlemen around the table,
Little Pepper lifted his hat and said
"YOu do US proud"
Q.-Who are the biggest liars in TIL
world?
A.-Husbands.
Q-Whom do they lie to?
A.-To their wives exclusively, ofcourse
Q.-Is there any marriages in Heaven?
A.-NO.
Q.-Wby.
A.-Because there are no women there
Q.-Isn'J it mighty dry shocking with
cut them?
A.-There is no such thing as shuckinl
in these parts.
Q.-Whst do you do for some one to sew
! your shirt-buttons on?
A.-The dead tailors who escape he'll
! never get above the FIRST sphere, in whic,
the spirits arc required to work some ever
day; they attend to the buttons.
Q.-What class Of men are most nUmer
GUS in heaven?
A-Ths lawyers.
Q.-What class are least numerous?
A.-The preachers.
No one expressed any surprise at eithe
Of the last answers.
At this point the professor drew his lef
hand from under the table, and announced
that the seauce was ended. He drank tbs
last dri- k we had, bowed US gracefully on
Of the room, and our little party strolleC
around to the "Hole in the Walf' to ge
some cisteTn water.
Nilsson Against Patti.
It was anticipated in the At8en9un tha
the ant4gonism of the Italian and Swedish
prime dOnne would cause much excl emen
| among the Russian amateurs In hoscOT