Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-03-18

Chow hollow it sounds r. exclaimed
patient under the movement cure. as
the physician was vigorously pounding
his chest. so, that's nothing !" said
the doctor; wait until we get to the
head
Teacher, endeavoring to instill some
idea of the Importance of celebrating
Washington's birthday into her pupils
minds, says: Now, children, why should
Washington's birthday be kept any more
than mine % Eager pupil: Because he
never told lie Immediate recess.
On sultry summer Sunday the min
lister, observing quite number of his
congregation asleep, remarked in a most
emphatic manner: Il saw an advertise
ment last week for five hundred sleepers
on a railroad. | think | could supply
at least fifty, and recommend them as
good and sound y
Two good-natured Irishmen, on GER
tain occasion, occupied the same bed
In the morning one of them inquired of
the other, dennis, did you hear the
thunder last night % mo Pat did it
rally thunder?'' '.Yes, it Numbered as
if havin' and airth would come togeth-
Ell" '.Why in the divil, thin, didn't ye
wake me, for ye know | can't Shape whin
it thunders
The elephant Romeo, now in Fore
paugh's menagerie at Philadelphia, at
tempted to kill his keeper the other day,
but was forked in time to permit the
man to escape. He has already killed
five men. His procedure is to grasp
them with his trunk and hurl them into
the air till they are stunned and mo-
tionless, when he deliberately kneels up
on them, crushing out the last vestige of
life.
FOUND HIS CRowD.-A young man
clad in homespun was standing on
the corner of one of the principal
streets in one of our large cities, de-
vouring doughnut, when he was ac-
costed by one of half dozen genteel-
ly dressed ldlerS With:
"Just come DOWN."
eyes, guess | have; great place
this, amt it yeou?" said the country
man.
cts 50, bub; how's your marin %
asked the city buck, bent on sport
with the greeny.
s'Well, she's pretty well-she sent
me down here on business"
s'She did! What kind of business
are you on?"
"Why, she wanted me to come
down to Boston and look around and
find half dozen Of the biggest fules
to edicate them, and [ rather guess
I've got my eyes on 'em neow," said
the stranger, taking in the whole
crowd at a glance.
The next moment he had the edge
stone to himself, where he quietly
finished his doughnut.
WHEN Mr.. BEEcHER WAS Poor
Not long since when speaking to his
people of his early life, the Plymouth
pastor said: "When l first began
preaching and had but two rooms | felt
more grateful, | think, than | do now,
for all the comforts of my house |
went away from Cincinnati to preach in
Lawreneeburg, a wretched little village
[ had no patrimony; all [ had was my
salary, and that amounted to S400.
Laughter. | went on that, to marry
my wife, which cost me 5000, and | had
exactly eighteen cents when | came back.
| remember [ never slept on the spare
bed of friend of mine, but felt CRATE
full for it. 1t was then | had two rooms
one was kitchen, cellar, and sittingroom
the other parlor. study, and bedroom
Laughter The cellar was made by
putting things under the bed. Laughter
When Judge Bernard gave me his cast
off clothes to wear | was grateful for it
although-he being slim man, while ]
was rather well developed-it was a tight
fit. But still could have said, Il, the
son of Lyman Beecher, President of {
theological college, here in sneakine
little village, with no church, no elder
and no one to make an elder out of
Laughter | remember when | wen
out to destitute places to preach | hac
deep sense of gratitude for the blessing
, of being permitted to preach the Gospel.
MARRIAGE MAxIMs.-The following
marriage maxims are worthy of more
than hasty reading. Husbands neet
not pass them by, for they are designed
for wives and wives should not despiss
them, for they are addressed to hus
bands: ~ ssy4s
The very nearest approach to domestic
happiness on earth, is in the cultivation
on both sides, or absolute usefulness.
Never talk at one another, either
alone or in company.
Never both be angry at once.
Never speak loud to one another, un
less the house is on fire.
Let each one strive to yield Offences
to the wishes of the other
Never find fault unless it is perfectl,
certain that fault has been committed
and always speak lovingly.
Never taunt with a past mistake.
, Neglect the whole world besides rath
, er than one another.
:. Never make remark at the expens
of the other; it is meanness.
Never part for a day without loving
words to think of during the absence.
Never meet without q loving welcome
Never let the sun go down upon an,
+ anger or grievance.
! Never let any fault you have commit
; ted go by until you have frankly con
fessed it and asked forgiveness
, Never forget the happy hours of earl.
love.
!, Never sigh over what might hav
been, but make the best of what is.
Never forget that marriage is ordain