Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1872-05-02
Humorous Readings.

An alfectionatc corset is on exhibition
at Dubuque, Iowa, which has Rugged
three females to death.
thermometers of late have been as
reckless in comforting their degrees on
the community as some one horse col
lcgcs and prodigal medical colleges.
Why are the French an anomalous
race? Because. in spite of their impor-
tunity they can't import unity.
A genuine lion is sauntering around
San Jose, California, aud the citizens
are keeping remarkably good hours,
4 Cnn4ecticut baker has invented a
new kind of yeast. 1t makes bread SO
light that a pound Of it only weighs -
ounces.
1t is uuqucstionably temptation to
temperate man to become a soaker, to
hear what talent. what versatility, what
genius is almost always attributed to
man who is habitually drunk.
In the game of mystery, vulgarl}
called hash. as played at our boarding
houses. the tray is considered the best
trump-the chopping tray
\ man who has had his leg broken by
patent flax carder, says that mash-shin-
cry is the most appropriate name that
could be given to the darned thing.
Foreign affajrs-Nrs. Partington is
ANXIOUS to know whether the Don Juan
question between England and America
has anything to do with poor Lord BY
ron?
Very notes.-the editor of a coun-
try paper, having received a counterfeit
bank note dctcctor, returns thanks and
modpstlv asks for some bank notes upon
which to test its accuracy.
\ young theological student not far
from Boston, recently invited a young
lady to attend a concert. The damscl's
answer to the invitation was in this wise
IF YOU come as 'tomporary supply,
decline the invitation. | am only hear
ing regular candidates. ~ H" didn't
supply.
During I'll" WAT an Irish peasant, who
WAS posted with a muSllct on duty. and
had wandered little out of his position.
was accoSted by an officer with, WHAT
are You here for" Faith, yer honor,
said Pat, with his accustomed erin of
good humor. ''thcy tould me | was here
for century,.
The boy who hired himself to have
his teeth whitcned for a month by one
of those mOuntebanks who sell dentri-
fees on the sidewalk, is now comforta-
bly, situated with an eminent dentist in
the capacity of frightful example,
without tooth in his head. and with
hardly a socket left in which to put one.
A fancy farmer of Scott county, KY,
is said to have built a $4,000 hog pen.
which is painted and grained, furnished
with hot and cold water, warmed with
steam and lighted with gas. The troughs
are made of mahogany. inlaid with ivO-
rv. and furnished with Phelan cushions.
Whenever hog is led out to execution
cholor0form is administered.
At the death of the duke of Yelling
ton. little child was standing with her
mother at Lord AshburtOn's window, to
see the funeral 90 by She made no re-
mark until the dukes horse was led by,
the saddle empty and the boots reversed
in the stirrups, when she looked up into
her mothers face, and said, Mamma.
when we die, will there be nothing left
of us but our boots ?
Madam, said boarder to his landlady,
I am very sure this pepper is half peas.
Peas cried the lady, brindling up.
Peas, indeed! That pepper is Smalt Il
Hommersly's very best You don't
know anything about pepper, sir, if you
think there's peas in that For all that,
madam, said the boarder, I'm sure that
pepper Is half peas-p-e-p. pep, per,
per- Six letters, and three Of them p.
Extract from young woman's diary.
Monday Awful headache. Wonder
If Ellen calls to-day. Know she is dy-
ing to find out how my green silk dyes.
She has called and kissed me twice.
Tried to learn if Shanks visited often.
When | sang. the malicious thing said,
DO dear Emily, wrap up when you go
in the street this winter; your voice is
loosing its clearness, darling. Wish she
was dead.
The best Partisan French, model
as taught to us barbarians;
Scene. the boulevards of Paris. Peko, |
as he lifts his hat, "How do you carry
yourself. monsieur? Are you cold or
warm ?" Brisko, ''Thank you, | am
neither cold nor warm, but have you the |
horse of the carpenter ?" Peko, 81 have |
not the horse of the carpenter, bat |
have the bread, the knife. the shoes. the |
wine and the blue boat of my father"
They always say things in France.