The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1872-11-15
THE NEW DEPART,MENTr IN
1.-THE MORNING GLORY,,
By MAX ADELERs

have been bereaved of their relatives To,
gave expression to their feelings in a poet
1cal folm, reflected that it nsAght perhaps
be good thing 10 introduce in his paper
department of obituary poetry He con-
sldered whe, her If, when an individual in-
serted flfty cents worth of death notice,
the essa blishment should consider gratui-
touSly half a dollar's woTCh of mortality
stauzs:sy his paper would not at once be-
come the most popular vehicle for the con-
veyanee of that peculiar form of n1elan-
choly intelligence 10 the public. And Mr..
Brimmer nightly estimat ed that, as most
newspaper readers seem to take a deeper
interest in such sepulcnral news than in
lnformatian of any other kind, the journal
containing the largest supply would have
the greatest number of subscribers.
SO Mr.. Brimmer determined that he
would, as an experiment at any rate, en-
gage an obituary poet for a short time,
With the purpose of giving him permanent
employment if The plan seemed to take
with The public. Accordingly he sent for
Mr. Remington OFT, constructor of verses
who had frequently contributed 10 The col
umps of The Morning Glory poems of
what would have been considered by fas-
tidious student of English literature of an
appalling and revolutionary character.
Mr. Brimmer soOu effected an engage
ment with the baId, by which it was agreed
that Mr.. OFT should take position in Che
death-notice arrived he should immediate
ly endeayor to grind out some verses ex-
pressiye of The situation.
.'1Ou understand, Mr.. Ott,'' explained
Brimmer, ''Uhit when the death of an in
dIv.dual is announced, l want you, as it
Were, to cheer the afflicted family with The
resources of your noble art. | wish you to
throw yourself, you may say, into uheir
situation, and to give them a verse or two
about the corpse which will seem to be the
eXpi eSsion of the emotion OF The hearts of
the living"
40 tighten the gloom, IN a certain
sense, suppose?' said Mr. OFT.
Precisely! Lighcen the gloom. Do
not NOUN over the departed bat rather
take joyous view of death, which after
all, Mr.. OFT, is, as 1T were, but the en-
tlance 10 a better life. Therefore, l will
advise you to touch The heart-strings of The
afflicted with tender hand, aud endeavor.
for instance, TO divert their minds from
contemplation of tire horro, of the tomb"
'-ED rDrow eff sGarzaS," said MI Ott- I'm
such man3er that people will Wanu Their
f.Iehds % Gie for The sake of Ihe poetry"
Bat above all, continued The editor,
''ial-e oi ight view of The matter always
! Make the sunshine of smiles, as it were,
J bd:st through The tempest of Tears and,
if we don't make The Morning GL0rg hum
around among the mourness of this town,
my name is not Brimmer."
lie was right. 1t did hum
Tue next day Remia gton OFT went on
duy, AID Brimmer ran down to The sea-
snore for a breach of fresh air. All thro'
the day death-notices came pouring III, and,
when one would reach OFT, he would seize
1T and study it up to ascertain the particu-
lars. Then he would rush up Stai:S lock
himself III his room, take down his rh ym-
ing dictionary, run his fingers through his
hair, and back away for half an hour at
I, .
had that poetry in II shape which would
make She stricken family feel proud OF the
corpse. When his days work was done,
O.t went home with a conviction lhat The
Morning Glory had finally robbed death of
IT'S fer.oss, AID made life comparatively
ValueleSS. -
+ Ia the morning Mr. OFT proceeded calmly
/ 10 the office for the purpose of embalming
in sympathetic verse the memories of other
departed ones. AS he came near to the
establishment he observed a crowd of five
or SIX thousand people in front of it, strug-
Cling to get into The door. Climbing a
tree, he overlooked the crowd, aEd could
see within the office the clerks selling pa
peTS as last as they could handle them,
while The mob pushed and jammed and
yelled in frantic efforts to obtain copies
the presses in the meanwhile Changing
away like mad. Upon the curbstOne i'll
front of him there line of men
stretching down the street for four squares,
each man engaged i'll reading The Morning
e. GL0ry with an earneStneSS that Mr. OFT
had never before seen displayed by the
patrons of that sheet.
He went around 10 the back of the Office
and ascended to the editorial rooms. AS
! he approached The stanc.um, loud voices
We're heard within. Mr. OFT determined
to ascertain The cause before entering. He
obtained a chair, and. placing it by the
side dooI, he mounted and peeped over the
door through The tTSsnscm. There sat J.
Alfred Brimmer holding The Morning
! Glory in both hands, while the fringe
Which grew in semi-circle around the
edge of his bald head stood straight out
until he seemed TO resemble a gigantic
gun-swab. Two or three persons stood in
f, ont of him in threatening attitudes. OFT
heard one of them say:
''My name is NIcGiue, sir William Nc
Glue. l am brother of the late Alexander
McGlue. l picked up your paper this
morning, and perceived in it most out
rageous insult to my deceased relative, and
have come around to demand, sir, what
do you mean by the following Infamous
language? .s. ...... --...
ssIhe death angel smote Alexander McGlue
/ And gave HIM protracted repose;
He wore check shirt and u Number Nine
And he had a pink wart on his nose.
No doubt he is happier dwelling in space
over there on the evergreen shore.
HIS friends are informed that his funeral
takes place
Il Precisely at quarter past four!
s'This is simply diabolical My late
brother had no wart on his nose, sir. lie
had upon his nose neither u pink wart nor
a green walt, nor cream-colored wart,
nor a wart of any other color. IL is SLAM
der 1t is a giatuitous insult to my fanni-
| ly, and distinctly want you to to say what
you mean by such conduct y
/, .sReally, sir,'' said Brinmer, cit is mis-
, take This is the horrible work of an in
cendiary miscreaIt whom used as a broth,
, en- He shall be punished by my own hand
, for this outrage. A pink wart Awful,
{ sir awful The miserable scoundrei shall
suffer for this-he shall, indeed -.