The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1872-08-08
A NEVADA FUNERAL.
By MARK T ,EAIN.

BIZ MARK II AIN.
There was a grand time over Buck
Fanshaw when he died. lie was a re-
preventative man. lie had Killed his
man''-not in his own quarrel, it is true,
but in the defense Of stranger besct by
numbers. He had kept a sumptuous
saloon. He haa been the proprietor OF a
dashing helpmeet, whom he could have
discarded without the iorma.ity Of a di-
vorce. He had held high position In
the fire department, and been a very
Warwick in politics. When he died
there was great lamentatiou through
out the town, but especially ia the very
bottom stratum Of society.
On the inquest it was shown that
Buck Fanshaw, in the deliriuin Of
wasting typhoid fever, had taken arsenic,
shot himself through the body, cut his
throat, and jumped out Of lour-story
window aud broke his neck; and after
due deliberation the jury, sad aud tear
full, but with intelligence unblinded By
its sorrow, brought in = verdict Of death
''by the visitation Of God. " What could
the world do without iurieS?
Prodigious preparations were made
for the funeral All the vehicles in the
town were hired, and all the saloons were
put in mourning, all the municipal and
fire company flags were hung at half
mast, and all the tiremen ordered to mus
ter in uniform. and bring their machines
duly draped in black.
Regretful resolutions were passed and
various committees appointed. Among
others, committee of one was appoint
ed to call on minister fragile, gen.
tie, spiritual new fedgling from an
Eastern theological seminary, and as
yet unacqualnted with the ways Of the
mines. The committee man "Sootty"
Briggs, made his visit.
Being admitted to his presence, be sat
down before the clergyman, placed his
tirehat on an unfinished manuscript ser
mon under the minister 5 nose, took from
it a red silk handkerchief, wiped his
brow and heaYed sigh of dismal i'm
pressiveness explanatory Of his business,
He chokesl aud even she'd tears, but with
an effort he mastered his voice, and said,
IN lugubrlus tones:
"Are you the duck that runs the Cos
pel mill next door ~
Am tho-pardon me I dom usier-
stand you
With another sigh and half sob Scot
ty reioined:
''Who, you see, we are in bit of trou-
give US lift, if we'd tackle you, that IS,
five got the rights Of it and you are
the head clerk Of the dozoiogy works
next door.
The which p
1.-THE spiritual adviser of the little
company of believers whose SANITARY ad-
joins these premises.
Scotty scratched his head, reflected a
moment and then said
You rather hold over. pard [ reckon
I can't call that hand. Ante ana pass
buck.
"How.?" I beg pardon. What did |
understand you to say?
"Well, you've rather got the bulge on
me. Or mavbe we We both got the bulge
somehow. You don't smoke me, and |
don't smoke you. You see, one Of the
boys has passed In his checks, aud we
want to give him a good send of, aud SO
the thing | am on now, is to rout cut
somebody to jerk little chin-muSie 10,
US, and waltz him through handsome.
MY friend, seem to grow more and
more bewildered. Your observations are
wholly incomprehenSibe to me. Can
not you simplify them some way? A
first | thought perhaps understood
you, but now L grope. Would 1t net ex
pedite matters ii you restricted yoursel
to categorical statements of fact uuin
numbered with obstructiag accumulation
OF metaphor and allegory?
Another pause. and then moro refec
ton. Then Seotty said:
'I'll have to pass, judge
elbow ''
you've raised me out, pard"
81 still fail to catch your meaning"
"Why, that last lead of yourn is to,
many for me-tLat's the idea, can
neither trump nor follow SUIT.
The clergyman sank back into hi
chair perplexed. Scotty leaned his heat
on his hand. and gave himself up to re
Election. Presently his face came up
sorrowfull but confident.
I've got it now, SOL YOU can savvy.
said be. what we want is GOSPEL
sharp. See pr
"a what p,
"Gospel-sharp. parson."
"Hah why did you not sag so before
am clergy parson.
Nov you talk You see my blind
and straddle it like man. Put it there
extending a brawny hand. which CLOSED
over the ministers small hand and gave
it shake Indicative of fraternal sympa
thy and fervent qualification.
Now We re- all right Dard Let