The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1872-05-17
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fOONbhN OE Ahlh1 AMI iiiD
DEsCENDAN NTs.
When Noah disembarked at Ararat
he had scarcely touched the pier when
he proceeded to tally his passengers
He had just checked his last item in the
list-a Mr.. and Mrs. Bedbug-when
the cringing figure ofa quadruped came
sneaking down the gangplank with his
tail between his legs. "Drat it, if there
amt that thar yaller dog!" says Noah,
aiming vicious kick with his brogan
at the brute. But, with facility born
of long and bitter experience, the brute
lodged the projectile, and calculating
"kiyi," which is Syriac for ''declined
with thanks" or mot for Jo''--he dis.
appeared, while Noah, who had his sea
legs on, wasunable to recover his equilil
brium, andsat down with emphasis on
the back of his head.
Noah arose, and in accordance with
thestyle prevalent among the patriarchs
proceeded to soothe his affronted digni-
ty by pronouncing variegated anathe-
ma upon the yaller dog, which had
Enthusiastically sneaked unobserved
on board in the confusion of putting to
sea, and capsized the captain at the first
port. He cursed that dog in body, and
limb, bark, hair, hide, tail and wag,
and all his generations and kindred, by
consanguinity or affinity, and his heirs
and assigns. He cursed him with end.
less hunger, with perpetual fear, with
perennial laziness, with hopeless mango,
with inces5ant fleas, and with his tail
between his legs. He closed his stock
of maledictions by a sparkling display
of pyrotechnics from the demoralizing
effects of which the yaller dog has never
recovered.
With this curse sticking to MIN IKE
a revenue stamp, the yaller dog can't
help being "cussed." He don't try to |
help it. He follows Noah'5 programme
with sneaking fidelity. He is an Ish-
maelite among dogs. He receives the
most oppressive courtesies in the form
of brickbats, boots and hot water, which
which makes his life an animated target
excursion.
He boards around like a district
teacher, and it is meal time with him
twenty four hours in the day. The rest |
of the time he bankers after something
to eat He is too omnivorous for an
epicure. Cram him at Delmonico's,
and he would hunger for dessert from
an Albany boarding house.
He can't be utilized, He is too tired.
AS swill. cart locomotive, a hunter, or
a sentinel, he is an iguominious failure.
The dog churn was strategetic attempt
to employ his waste energies, but he
hadn't any vast energiese, and butter
had too much self-respect to "come" at
his persuasion. So the dog churn was
dropped.
No sausage maker dare foreclose
Lss lien on the waller doo. iosG MS
customers-no longer "soothed and sus-
tanned by an unfaltering trust''-trans-
fer their patronage to some less auda-
cious dealer. The savages, who admire
baked dog, and who can even attack
tripe and explore the mysteries of hash,
NithOuV pShhO"iCoSOu thC
yaller dog to be too much for their gas
trio intrepidity.
He always manages to belong to
ragged, tobacco. chewing, whisky. drink.
ing master, whose business is swapping
dogs and evading the dog tax. The
yaller dog is acquainted with himself,
and he enjoys the intimacy with edify-
ing contempt. He sinks along through
life on diagonal dog trot, as if in doubt
which end of him is entitled to prefer
ence. He is always pervaded by a
hang dog sense of guilt, and when re-
tributive tinware is fastened to his tail,
he "ilies the wrath to come" with
terrified celerity which ought to be very
suggestive to two-legged sinners who
have similar ordeal in store for them.
The yaller dog is-well, to speak in
italics, he is a slOuch.