The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1872-07-25


Horris Greeley, the wood-chopper of
Chappaqua. i do not feel in a pertfk-
erly strong and healthy mood-on the
contrary, am in condishen SO dazed
and bewildered, that l hardly know
where l am.
came here q Greeley man. am
leader NV the peoples Democratic
leader Nv the people--and Consistently
hevn't but one principle-Post Offs
convince me that a candidate is sound
on that question and in the words Of
the poet
!" Ez he IL mine and am hizzen a.
Wat kin want beside"
Show me two candidates, one nv
witch Is s0ttnder than tother on the
question NV Post Offs, and ! am for
that sounder one, first, last and all the
time. Nothin kin shake me in this.
But it amt SO with all men. There
is great mass who see suthin in poll
tiks besides post offs, men witch hev
pet hobbies, witch they ride vehement
" and increasingly, and who verify be-
lecve in EN-. l hev been interviewed
by dozens nv this most exaspiratin and
sole-wearin class for ten days. My
head whirls ez tho I he'd been sea-sick
for d week.
1majiie me d standin at the bar at
Barnum's Hotel takin d sonl-soothin
nip NV my favrit bevridge, whiskey
strate, with my white hat hangin grace
fully on my left ear, dreamin peace
fully NV that comm day when Greeley
shell be safe in the Chair, and 1 shell
hev my comishen onct more hangin
agin the walls nv the Post, Offs at the
Corners. 1majine ones bein reused
from a revery SO delishus by loud
mouthed euss slappin You on the back
and shoutin .'Jones, my boy,-take
suthin." On SIGH occasions alluz an
swer to the name of Jones, and respond
with alacrity. "Thank you-don't
keer if l do" And then to hev this
fellow exclaim exultinly "What god
send Greeley is to us! am from
Georgia. wuz in the rebel army and
wnz compelled after the war to join
with my neighbors to restrain the law
less violence NV the infooriated niggers
and northners. We wuz opprest with
military by the tyrant Grant, but now
thank Heaven there shell be no inter-
ference with us. The great and good
Horris sympathizes with us. ] hev it
from his Committee in Moo York
Take suthin." ryf
Then five minutes after imajine me
salooted by Maine Demokrat, with
suthin like this ".Wat blessed is
Greeley! With Greeley we shell hev
reform snd peece. Under Greeley thar
will be lawlisness on the part NV no ex-
rebels; THE Ku-Klux will be put down
by the power Of the military, and the
negroes will be protekted in their rites,
know this will be done, for I heu 1t
from his Committee. Take suthin."
Four rninits and a half after another
man comes up: Pennsylvania holds
out both her hands for Greeley. The
The vigorous old Protectionist-the
man witch hez fought the battle NV
Ameriken laborsagin furrin pauper
laber, kin .aIluz com1nApd the voisesuv
Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania goes for
Greeley and Protectior! There will
be no lowerin nv tariffs under honest
Ole Pig Iron Horris. IheU 1t from. his
Committee. Take suthin.'
In about seven minits (befOre / he'd
another drink fairly DOWN an Illinoy
man come loomin up. "'Rah for Gree
ley I" he yelled, .s'Rah for Honest Old
Horrisl With the great Horris at the
head NV affairs, the bloated aristocratic
manufacturers NV Pennsylvany and
Moo England will sing small. With
the great and good argricultooral and
editorial wood-chopper NV the 1rtb0O',,
there will be no more oppression NV
the farmers NV the West with tariffs and
SIGH. I her 1t from his Committee
Take suthin,"
In ten minits afterward, afore that
drink he'd gone to that borne from
witch no drinks return, 'ception once
when had taken a dozen too many
and wuz sick at my stumick, witch wuz
in my youthful days, up came man
howlin for " Greeley, and speeshy pay
ments, !" which he sed he got from Gree
leys Committee, and follerin him wuz
another WITCH howled for Greeley and
Grcenbacks," witch he swore he got
from Gyeeley's Committee.
There wuz one man proudly sportin
Greeley and repudiashen badge, am
other with Greeley and payment NV
the debt in gold, and every one NV EN-
wuz jubilant at the prospect NV hevin
his idees carried out, for evry one NV
EN- sed that he he'd full and positive
ashoorences from his committee.
spect shell hev to take the stump
this fall, for Greeley. / do it gladly
without eny ashoorences from his COM
mittce, for NV course he'll hev to care
for his supporters, and bein cared for
is jist now my principle biznis. But |
shell try to confine myself to one seek
shun. Ef the Nashnel Committee take
me over much territory, want to
know exactly wat that territory is,
and shell make a map NV it, and shell
write ON the margin NV each section
precisely wat the leadin interest NV its
inhabitants is, and to wat pertikelcr
policy it will be nessary to pledge the
great and good Horris. The notes will
run thus: 34e8
PENNsYLvANIA.--Hi tariff on coal
and iron and SIGH. Protection strong
danger NV importations-drain NV gold
to pay for furren manufaktures-wood
700 hev our horny handed laborers re-
doost 10 the level of pauper labor?
Never! s.ft.
ILLINoY.--Broad fields NV wheat,
corn, and cattle on thousand hills
Agricultur our material pursoot Wood
you tax the sweat nv the honest farm
er NV Iilinoy to build up the purse
proud aristocratic manufacturer NV
Pennsylvany? Never!
Moo ENGLAND.-Tarif on cotton
goods and proteckshuA to the negro in
the south, and the execooshen NV the
laws even if military hez to be yoosed.
South KARoLINY.-Free trade alluz.
In deestricts where there is nobody
but planters, no military rool; where
uiggers predominant and are reasona-
BILE, military to protect EN- from the in
famous Ku-Klux.
And SO on. Even with SIGH .prepar-
ashun it will be close and judgmatical
work, but kin do it. Besides, them
patriots witch expect to be Postmasters
and SIGH, will alluz be on hand to post
me, SO that can't make eny serious
mistakes.
What a beautiful thin5 it wood be to |
be Republican, and hev the same
thing to talk in all parts NV the coun-
try. PETROLEUM V.NAsBY,
(Which wuz PosTMAsTER.)
A New Jersey editor pubIishes the