Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1872-05-08
LAWYERS, ministers and Doctors.
by o. W. HOLMES.

GY o. ". HOLMES.
The lawyers are picked lot, ' first
scholars, and the ike, but their business
Is As unsympathetic as Jack Ketch's.
There Is nothing humanizing in their rela-
tiOns with their fellow creatures. They
90 for the side that retains them. They
defend the man they know to be 4 rogue,
and not very rarely throw suspicion on
the man they know to be innocent Mind
YOU, [ am net finding fault with them
every side of a case has right to the
best statement it admits of; but | say it
does not tend to make them sympathetic.
Suppose IN a case of Fever rs. Patient,
the doctor should side with either party
according to whether the old miser or MS
expectant heir wa> his employer. Sup
rose tne minister should side with the Lord
or the Devil, according to the salary Of
fered and other incidental advantages,
where the soul Of a sinner was in question.
You can see what a piece of work 1t would
make Of their Sympathies. But the law
vers are quicker witted than either OF the
other professions. aud abler men gener-
ally. Tney are good natured, or, if they
quarrel their quarrels are above board.
I dent think they are as accomplished as
the ministers, but they have a way ofcram-
ming with special knowledge for a case
which leaves certain shallow sediment
Of intelligence in their memories about
good many things. They are apt to talk
law in mixed company, and they have
way of looking round when they make
point. as If they were addressing a jury,
that il mighty aggravating. as l once had
occasion TO see when one of EN-, and a
pretty famous one, put me on the witness
stand at a dinner party once.
The ministers come next In point OF tai
ent. They are far more curious and
widely interested outside of their own call
ing than either Of the other professions.
Ike to talk with en-. They are interest
iur men. full of good feelings hard work
ers. always foremost in good deeds, and on
the whole the most eff cient civiIiz.ng class,
workin. d0wnwards from knowledge TO
ignorance, that is,-now aud then upwards,
aIso.-that we have. The trouble IS, that
so many Of them work in harness, and it
Is pretty sure to rhafe somewhere. They
too often assume principles which would
cripple our instincts and reason and give
us a crutch of doctrine | have talked
with a great many of EN- Of all sorts of
belief. aai | don't think they have fixed
everything In their own minds, or are as
dogmatc In their habits of thought as one
would think to hear EN- lay down the law
in the pulpit They used 70 lead the in
telhgence Of their parishes now they do
pretty wei if they keep up with It. aud
they arc very apt to lag behind 1t. Then
they must have colleague. Tue old min
lister thinks he can hold to his old course,
sailing right into the wind ; eye Of human
nature. as straight as that famous old
skipper John Bunyan the young minis
ter falls off three or four points and catches
the breeze that left the old mans sails all
BY and by the congregation
will get ahead Of him, and then it must
have another new skipper. The priest
holds his own pretty well the minister Is
coming down every generation nearer and
nearer TO the common level of the useful
citizen, no oracle at all. but man OF more
than average moral instincts, who, it he
knows anything. knows how little he
knows. The ministers are good takers,
only the struggle between nature and
grace makes some of 'em a little awkward
occasionally. The women do their best to
spoil EN-, as they do the poets you find
it very pleasant TO be spoiled, no doubt
so do they. Now and then one of them
goes over the dam no wonder, they're
always in the rapids.
BY this time our three ladies had their
faces all turned toward the speaker, ike
the weathercocks in z northeaster, and !
thought it best to switch of. the talk on to
another rail.
How about the doctors l said.
Theirs Is the least learned of the pro-
fessions, in this country at least. They
have not half the general culture of the
lawyers, nor a quarter of that of the
ministers. I rather think, though, they
are more agreeable to the common run of
people than the men with black coats or
the men with green bags. People can
swear before EN- if they want to and they
can't very well before ministers. | don't
care whether they want to swear or not,
they don't want to De on their good be-
havior. Besides, the minister has little
smack Of the sexton about him he comes
when people are IN ectTeHttS, out they
don't send for him every time they make a
slight moral slip, tell a lie for instance, or
smuggIe silk dress through the custom
house but they call in the doctor when
child is cutting a tooth or gets splinter
in its finger. 50 it doesn't mean much to
send for him, only a pleasant chat about
the news of the day for putting the baby
to rights doesn't take long, Besides.
everybody doesn't like to talk about the
next world +; people are modest in their
desires, and find this world as good as they
deserve but everybody loves to talk
physic. Everybody loves to hear of
strange cases people are eager to tell
the doctor of the wonderful cures they
heard of they want to know what is the
matter with somebody or other who is said
to be suffering from "a complication of
Diseases and above all to get hard
name, Greek or Latin, for a complaint
which sound altogether too common place
in plain English. IF you will only call q
headache Cepbalalgia, it acquires digni-
ty at once, and patient becomes rather
proud of it. So think doctors are gen.