Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1872-05-16
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/ Family tieS-Nine children.
How to consume time-Eat dates.
a spring bed-A bed of radishes.
Leading artiele-A locomotive.
Our first and last loye-self-love.
Does it hurt a joke to crack it?
How to serve dinner properly-eat
it.
Height of coolness-Top Of Mount
Washington.
The man who wrote ''Pm saddest
when sing" was fool to sing much.
What two colors are undiscernible {?
Invisible green and blind-man's buff.
If domestic infelicity drives men to
sea, they should seek the Pacific ocean.
What belongs to yourself, and is used
by everybody more than youself?-
Your name. be....s ...1
Is not Horace Greeley coIlege-bred
man? asked correspondent. No, sir;
he is Graham bread man.
Mrs. Partington says she does wish
they would hurry up and pass the silver
service bill in Washington.
81 never was ruined but twice." said
wit; "onee when lost a lawsuit and
once when l gained One."
Some people act as if their debts We're
like coffee, and would settle themselves
in time by standing.
A Maine legislator paid his bill with
his salary, and had fourteen cents
left. $3.50
A Connecticut farmer has named a
prize rooster Robinson, because Robin
son Cru-sOe.
When a bootmaker commences to
make a boot, the first thing he uses is
the last.
Some one describes a philanthropist
as a man who loves all mankind and
neglects his Own family.
/; The census, it is said, embraces seven
teen millions of women. Upon which
fact cotemporary asks 'tWhO wouldn't
be ceEsus:' Sii4
A negro, on being examined, was
asked if his master was Christian
mo, sir; he's member of Congress,
was the reply. fT4,
A young lady went into music shop
and asked the clerk if he had Glowing
Eyes" Hereplied, 81 am told so by
the girls.'
A Bangor girl is so accustomed to
Bangor her lord that she frequently
punches any man she may happen to
meet.
The secret Of happiness is concealed
in appreciative content. If you cannot
have what you Ike, try to like what
you have.
The latest prediction is that the
world will come to an end in one thou
sand nine hundred and twenty-one.
The present generation is safe.
In the matter of revolution Mexico
beats the wOrld--beats the world, be-
cause the world makes only one revoll-
ton a day, while in that time Mexico
has half dozen.
Two shoemakerso out in company were
asked iiheir profession. Says one OF
them, 81 practice the heeling art."-
''And ," says the other, 'labOr for the
good of mems soles."
\ teacher, catechising his scholars,
put the question. What was made to
give light to the world? Matches!
cried one of the youngsters, after a
short pause.
Show did you learn that graceful at
titude?" asked gentleman OF a fellow
leaning in a maudlin way against post.
''Pve been practising at the glass" )" was
the reply,
. AnIndiaiia lady has a divorce from
her husbaud 10 her pocket, and when
ever he don't mind, she takes out the
document and shows it to him, when
ne ''weaket:s-"
4 Michigan paper thus delicately an
nouness u death from .''nOn-explo-
sive;n Mrs. Maria Framely gave up
the bad habit of using kerosene for
kindling fires, On THURSDAY last"
s'Pa, is Pennsylvania the father of ali
the other States ~ Certainly not, my
child; why do you ask that question o.
Because see all the newspapers call
it Pa."
A gentleman lately addressed PAS
sionate biliet-denX to a lady in the same
town, adding this curious postscript
Please to send speedy answer, as I
have somebody else in my eye.'
\ Quaker once hearing person tell
how much he had felt for another who
was in distress, and needed assistance,
dryly asked him: "Friend, hast thou
felt in thy pocket for him ?'
1t is said that the Union Pacific rail-
road company offers a reward of 81 600
Tor the apprehension and conviction of
the man who wrote "The Beautiful
Snow"
A lady, sometime back, at the Brit
sh Museum, asked if they had a skull
lf Oliver Cfoni well. Being answered
IN the negative, "Dear me- said she.
that's very strange; they have ene'at
Oxford" &
Aunt Susan says: "Supposeall men
we're in one country, and all the wo-
men in another, with a big river he
tween, and no boats or bridges; good
gracious what lots of poor women
would be drowned"
"Whatever God has made is perfect"
said Western preacher. "What do
you think of me ?" said hunchback,
rising and exhibiting his own deformi-
ty. "Why, that you are as perfect q
as ever saw!n
Here Is a joke for country boys. Two
Irishmen once saw a red-headed wood
pecker pecking away at an old stump.
''Murther, Jemmyl I" exclaimed one Of
them to his compatriot, ',just look at
your blurred; he's hammered his head
till it's all blaydin'!"
Some men are always Dragging OF
their ancestors and their great descent.
That's what's the matter with them
their great descent. Such men always
remind me of an old goose trying TO
hatch out paving-stone.-GBillings
A Scotch nobleman one day yvisiteda