The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1872-04-05
PLAIN DEALER,

eat, and a napkin.
The easiest way of calculating the
distance of heavenly bodies, is to guess
onc-half the distance and multiply it by
two.
The Boston Post thinks that the pro-
posed National Labor Bureau" would
probably have too many drawers
for convenience.
A man out West was offered plate
Of macaroni soup, but declined it, de-
claring that they couldn't play off any
billed pipe stems on him.
A Connecticut baker has invented a
new kind of yeast. 1t makes bread 50
light that a pound Of it weighs only
twelve ounces.
If Adam is accountable for "cons-
equential damages" he will have a
rough time Of it. So says the In
terror.
A Cincinnati paper devotcs column
to the discussion of elbow life may be
lengthe ned" and the St. Louis Dis
patch says it night have covered the
whole ground in u few words, to wit:
Allure Cincinnati whiskey, and keep
away from her sausage factories.
/ there be any one position in which
the defcncicncy of the sense of justice
among women is fully shown, it is in adj
ministration of sewing, missionary and
charitable societies. Three or four
energetic ladies always do all the work,
and the rest talk, admire and shirk.
The defalcation of pension agent
Collins, in Washington, was first an
nounccd at $4,000 1t has gradually
increased until it now reaches $61, 900.
He keeps right on publishing the Grand
Army Journal, just as though nothing
had happened.
The radical state convention in Wis
consin was run exclusively by the Of
fice-holders. A postmaster called the
convention to order, a United States
district attorney presided, and other
government officials occupied minor
positions.
In an Episcopal Sunday school, tie
other day, the teacher asked bright
boy: "Jimmie, what good thing what
great pleasure are you willing to give
up as sacrifice, during the Lentel
season!" Jimmie meditated about ten
seconds and responded: Il think I'll
| give up going to Sunday school,"
Rennan, who has been lecturing in
Paris on the "Book of job" is advised
by the Patriot to come to Washington
and lecture on the "book of jobs
The Cleveland Herald suggests a
mixed commission of Louisville and Gin
cinnati experts to investigate the quality
of the WHISTLES from either side of the
river with power to send for jugs and
liquor, with full supply of wheelbar-
rows to take the commissioners home
after each sitting" ..-.
Some men are worth nothing, and
others are worthless.
The New York Commercial Adyer-
tiser says: "Rare Ben. Butler drop
ped in upon us yesterday" It's a
mercy to a wealthy establishment like
the Commercial Advertiser that .srare-
Benz didn't break in.
The Radical papers Of Chicago that
only a little while ago 80 abused Cover
nor Palmer, are now OH their knees to
him to pardon Radical official out of
Jail. s -. -
why is it," asks an exchange,
THAT the Republicans who refuse to
support Grant are styled 'soreheads?"
Why, you see, the s'soreheads" who
don't support Grant are SO called in
in contradistinction to the blockheads
who do.
1t is said that Grant has decided to
remove Longstrcet from the Custom
House at New Orleans. The reason
appearsto be that the investigating
committee found Longstreet to be the
only thoroughly honest man about the
concern. Such standing reproach on
the administration is, Of course, not to
be tolerated. /
The Indiana folks still pesist in call
ing the spotted fever, cerebro-spinal-
menin gifts, just for short.
|, The question is asked, "Where will
Greeley 60? A New York paper says,
ave don't know; be ought to 60 West
and buy farm An exchange thinks
that he must be cruel fend who would