The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1872-11-13
A DA RIA MYSTERY.
BY MARX TWAIN.

The boys used to tell ne / ought
TO get one Jim Blaine to tell me the
stirring story Of his grandfather old
ram; but they always added that
must not mention the matter unless
Jim was drunk at the time-just com
fortably and socially drunk. They
kept this up until nv curiosity was
on the rack to hear the sfory. / got
to haunting Biaiae; but il was no
use. He was often moderately, but
never satisfactorily drunk / never
watched 3 mans condition with snch
absorbing interest, such anxious So
licitude; | never pined TO see a man
uncompromisingly drunk before. At
last one evening | hurried to his cab
in, for j learned that this time his sit
nation was such that even the most
fastidious could find no fault with it.
He was TRANQUILITY, serenely, symmot-
rically drERk-not a hiccup TO mar
his voice, not cloud upon his brain
thick enough 20 obscure his memory.
As | entered, be was sitting upon an
empty powder keg. with a clay pipe
in one hand and the other raised to
command silence. His face was
round, red, and very serious; his
throat was bare and his hair tumbled,
in general appearance and costume be
was a sialwart miner Of the period.
On the pine table stood a candle. and
It's dim light revealed -1he boys sit
ting here and there on hunks. candle
boxes. powder kegs, etc They said i:
Sh, Don't speak; he's going to
commence" / found q seat at once,
and Jim began
Il don't reckon them times viii
ever come again. There never was
a more bullier old ram than he was.
GrandfatheF fetched him from Ill.,
nois got him Of man named Yates
Bib Ystes-may be YOU might
have heard Of him his father was
ACKNOWLEDGMENT be was a rust
Ter. too a man had to get up rather
early TO get the start of old Thankful
Yates; it was him that put the Greens
up to ining teams with my grand
father wi en- he moved West. Seth
Green was probably the pick Of the
flock. He married a Wilkerson-
Sarah Wiikerson-rood creiur she
was-one OF the likeliest heifers that
ever was raised in old Stoddard, er-.
ery body said that knowed her. She
could heft bar1 Of -four as easy as i
can firt fap-jaek-And spin ?
Don't mention il! When Sile Haw-
kins came q browsing round her, she
left him know that for all his tin be
couldn't trot in harness alongside Of
her. You see, Sile Hawkin-no. ii
worn't Sile Hawkins, after all: il
was galoot by the name Of Filkins
Il disremember his FIRST name-but
he was a trump-eome into pra'r
meeting drunk one night, hooraving
for Nixon becuz be thought it was
and old Deacon Ferguson
up and seooted him through the win
dow, and be lii on old Miss Jeffer-
sons head-po0r cid flly- She was
a good sonl-had a glass eye, and
used to lend il to Miss Wagner, that
hadn't any, to receive company in
Ii warn't big enough, and when Miss
Wagner warn't noticing, it would get
TvfS-sd aroans1 in the sorket and look
up, maybe, or out to one side and ev-
cry which way. while t'other was
as straight as a spy-glass.-i
Grown people didn't mind it, but it
most always made the children cry.
it was so sort Of scary. She tried
packing if in raw cotton, bat If /
wouldn't work, somehow the cotton
would get loose and stick out, and