The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1872-09-03
HUMOROUS.


What grows bigger as you contracts it?
Debt.
-"Do you enjoy good health, Zach
ary"' why, yes, to be sure; who
doesn't"
Mrs. Wilder, a Kansas woman, has
found out how cartridges are made, by try
ing to drive one into her bedstead with
hammer.
81 say, Mick, what sort of potatoes
are those you are planting ?" "Raw ones,
to be sure your honor wouldn't be think
ing would plant boiled ones ?"
Dean Swift said: at is with narrow
souled people as it is with narrow-necked
bottles-the less they have in them, the
more noise they make in pouring it out"
Who are the most disconnected of all
tradcsmen? Blacksmiths; for the bellows
and blows are always going, and they are
striking for wages all the year round. r.
"A French inventor recently made a
public trial of boots designed to aid one to
walk on the water. Nothing ever fioated
more beautifully than those boots did. But
the trihing circumstance that they foated
wrong side up nearly caused the inventors
death.
w lidJ tlluS 10 IL, NY uSdl doNOu d
wife of her husband, whom she suspected
of being drunk, but who was doing his best
to look sober, "Well, my darling, | cam
not tell you, as you see there are two
hands on my watch, and each points to a
different figure, and | don't know which
to believe"
"A traveller relates that while he was
in Utah, Tom Thumb was also there on a
visit. While the renowned dwarf was at a
dinner party, he jumped from his chair and
said, with pompous air, VI cannot UNI
derstaud this polgyamy at all" His host,
ed. "Neither could l, Tom, when | was
your size."
-"How much peck for potatoes ?''
asked gentleman in market on Monday
morning. The price suited him and he
was about to purchase, when thought
struck him. swat moment, my good
woman," he said; II fear these potatoes
were dug on Sunday" 'No, sir, they
were not" she replied, shut to tell the
truth they grew on Sunday"
The San Diego World remarks that it
may not be generally known that Uncle
Samuel has an army guarding the Mexican
border from the Pacific Ocean to the
Colorado River. This is rendered necessa-
ry by the unsettled condition of our good
neighbors below the line. The army con-
sists Of one sergeant, whose headquarters
are at the barracks.
In q speech at Putnam, Connecticut,
MIR. Greeley said: " The denunciation and
personal abuse bestowed upon us by our
opponents, is proof that we have right on
cur side" How is that? When Greeley
was denouncing Democrats as liars, villains,
horse-thiefs, blacklegs, plug-uglies, and the
like, are we to infer that these parties had
right on their side ?-&. Louis Globe.
Political Events--piary for the KcmaI nder of
the Year 1872.
September KANSAS, Republican State
Convention at Lawrence and Topeka.
September Missouri, Republican State
Convention at St. Louis.
September Tennessee, Republican
State Convention.
September 9-Mane, election of Cover
nor and Congressman.
September 10 Colorado, election Of Del
egate to Congress.
September l1-Kansas, Liberal Republi-
can and Democratic State Convention.
September l1-Maryland, Democratic
Conservative State Convention at Balti-
more.
September 11-Massachusctts, Demo-
cratic State Convention at Worcester.
September 17-Soldiers' Convention to
ratify General Grants denomination, at
pittsburg.
October S-Indiana, election of State
officers and Congressman.
October S--Iowa, election of State Off
GERS and Congressman.
October 9---Nebraska, election Of State
officers and Congressman.
October S-Ohio, election Of State Off
GERS and Congressman.
October SAPennsylyania, election of
State officers and congressman.
October S-Dekota, election of Delegate
to Congress.
November presidential election. On
this day the following States also elect
State officers and congressman Alaba-
ma, Arkansas, Georgia, Illinois, Kansas,
Louisiana, Massachusetts, Michigan, Min
nesota, New York, Tennessee. The fol-
lowing will elect only Congressman: Del
aware, Florida, Maryland, New Jersey,
Virginia, Wisconsin. On the Sth of No
vember, Arizona elects delegate to Con-
gress, District of Columbia elects dele
gate on the 9th, and Texas elects Con.
gressInen on the Both of November.