The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1872-08-29
VARIETIES.

What mono of us ever drank from-The tar
of the drum.
When do miners resemble rowing club p
When they rest on their ores.
There are two things that a man seldom
forgets-his first love and his first smoke.
Politicians ought to be the frankest of men
they're in the habit of speaking out.
Why is shoe-b black like clever school
master? Because he polishes the under
standing.
A man, hearing that raven would live
200 years, bought one to test the truth of the
assertion.
An old maid, speaking of marriage, says it
is like any other disease-while there's life
there's hope.
DR.. Johnson is reported to have said that a
second marriage was the triumph of hope
over experience
Queen Elizabeth always displayed her
worst temper in her best clothes. She was
dreadfully rnf1ed then.
When Jonah's fellow passengers pitched
him overheard, they evidently regarded him
as neither prophet nor loss.
A PHILANTHROPIsT-S one describes q
philanthropist as man who loves all man
kind, and neglects his own family.
It is time now for punsters Of the period to
make their annual note of the anomaly that
frieze cloth makes the warmest coats.
What is the difference between an en-
trance to barn and an idler in an editors
office? One is barn door, and the otheri is a
darn bore.
The following epitaph is inscribed in a
country churchyard on the grave of a SNUG
gler who was shot by excisemen: "Here ]
lies, killed by the XPs."
An ignorant oil merchant, on being asked
how large an advertisement he wanted in a
certain newspaper, replied that ''they might
put in about three pints of type"
Too Much THE following congratulate
ry telegram was lately received by wedding
pair: Congratulations on your nuptials
May your future troubles be only little ones!'
NATIVE TALENT.-"Which of the Feeiee
islands are you from ?" asked a visitor of one
of Barnum's cannibals, the other day. ''Tip-
perary, bsdad p was the reply of the raven
Gus savage
On THE RoAD.-A juvenile dandy said to a
fair partner at ball, Don't you think,
miss, my moustaches are becoming? % To
which she replied, "Well, sir, they may be
coming, but they have not yet come p
Not long before his death, Oliver Gold
smith announced that lie never prescribed
except for his own friends; he was met by
Topham Beauclerk with the ejaculation,
doctor, reserve your prescriptions in future
for your enemies y
A witty old clergyman recommended his
audience at a penny reading the other day to
keep two bears in their homes if they wish
ed to be happy. TIE rural wit explained to
his petrifed parishioners that he meant bear
and foFbear.
RIVAL PREACHERs.-Two friends from two
different churches, but of one denomination,
LuGO LLS OOACI I'd dnu dlSSuS5C0 GuO
ing of their respective pastors. "Your preach
er uses the ideas of other men," said the one.
Don't you wish your pastor would do the
same % was the significant response.
One day son of the Emerald Isle, travel
ling on the highway, after having just cut a
shillelagh from young plantation, was met
by the owner, who demanded of Pat, in an
angry tone, where he had cut that stick.
Pat, turning to him, and pointing to the end
of the stick, cody replied, Just right
through there. sur
A NOVEL USE FOR LABELs.-Ratu Epeli,
Governor of Tai Levu, is getting his taxes in
at ayfine rate. Upwards of 1000 gathered
along a coast line of a few miles, explains
the whereabouts of our silver currency. A
few of Colman's fancy mustard labels have
been paid to the native tax gatherer for dol
lar notes.
a gentleman travelling in America, and
riding very ordinary looking horse, asked OF
negro whom he met how far it was to o
neighbouring town. The negro, looking at
the animal under the rider with broad grin
of contempt, replied, "Wi' dat dar boss,
massa, it's jist fo'teen miles VII good
chunk oh q boss, seben miles but if you
jist had Massa Jimmy's boss, gosh you're
dar now 70
SOLD AGAIN.-A demure looking man
hailed driver of FORMULATING shop, who
was driving fast, with the query, "Have you
get anything to sell In your wagon ?'' "Yes,
SIR" said the expectant driver, stopping his
horses. "That's right" observed the ques-
toner, with an approving nod ''always tell
the truth, and people will respect you" He
hurried on, as the peddler was getting out of
the wagon to look for brick.
Xankna aditnr nd bic wife rrara xuallr-