Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-10-11
HunOr.

HumOr.
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Time is money, except the time of need.
Honey.bees are winged merchants-they
cell their honey.
Young ladies had better be fast asleep
than fast awake.
Getting into grain corner-is the latest
phrase for getting corned.
Can man who attends to the street
lamps be called light character !?
Fashionable young ladies, like letters, re-
quire stamps, or the males reject them.
Railroad have three gauges : A broad
gauge, narrow gauge, and mortgage.
Why does B precede G in the alphabet?
Because you must be before you can see.
Cattle are dumb beast, but by gathering
themselves together, they can make them
selves herd
Why is a good wife like the devil? Be-
cause she sews the tares whilst the husband
man is asleep.
Brown says wedding rings ought to be re-
christened suffer-ings. He has been mar
ried five years.
A Young man, having married an heiress,
said it was not the face of his wife that struck
him, SO much as her figure.
Josh Billings says: Success don't kon-
sist in never making blunders, but in never
making the same one the second time
Mice harm the cheese, but girls charm
the he's. The same is true Of their respec-
tive eating of cheese and cheating OF he's.
When couple of young people strongly
devoted to each other, commence to eat
onions, it is safe to pronounce them engaged.
A man that marries a widow is bound to
give up smoking and chewing. If she gives
up her weeds for him, be should g i've up the
weed for her.
A lover writing to his sweetheart, says !:
ssDelectable dear-You are SO sweet that
honey would blush in your presence, and
molasses stand appalled,"
An Irishman upon seeing squirrel shot
from tree, said "Faith and be jabers,
that's waste of powder the fall itself
would have killed the SQUIRREL
Among the curiosities lately discovered
is musquitos bladder, containing the souls
of twenty-four misers, and the fortunes Of
twelve professionally half full.
A cautious old bachelor, who is aware
that the present is leap year, says: elf you
met young lady who is not very shy you
had better be little shy yourself"
Ola miserly man who died of softening of
the brain, local paper said: Ellis head
gave way, but his hand never did. His
brain softened, but his heart couldn't
The following congratulatory telegram
was lately received by wedding pair -
Congratulations on your nuptuals. May
your future troubles be only little ones'
A proud father in England lately ex-
planned to school.teacher as follows: what
accounts for being being such bad scholar
is that he's my son by my wife's first hus.
band .-Ez ri e1af
Beautiful is the love, and sweet is the
kiss of sister but when you haven't a
sister handy, try cousin-or any other Ia
dy if she's young and -tisn't much
difference.
"Wife," said man looking for his boot
jack, 81 have places where keep my things
and you ought to know it." eyes, ought
to know where you keep your late hours,
but l DON'T"
An exchange paper says that in an obitu-
airy notice, that the deceased had been for
several years bank director, notwithstand-
ing which, he died Christian, and univer-
sally respected.
"Steel your heart" said considerate
father to his son, s'for. you are now going
among some fascinating girls" II had
much rather steal THEIRS" said the unprom-
Using young man.
AS stout old lady got out of crowded
bus the other day, she exclaimed, "Well,
that's relief, any how" To which the
driver, cycling her ample proportions, re:
plien, $50 the 'osses thinks, mum"
''How shall I sell my horse ?" said
jockey to an acquaintance. Ellis tail came
off in less than six hours aftor bought him.
Sell him by wholesale, for no hopors-
BILE man will retail him. was the reply.
A wag was jogging home late, and lit
tie happy, when passing by a dark alley a
two listed fellow came out and demanded
his money II have nons-but if you will
stop moment, I'll give you note at thir-
ty days,
A young gentleman asked young lady
what she thought of the marriage state in
general? ''Not knowing, can't tell" was
the reply, ''but if you and were to put our
heads together I could soon give you def
mite answer"
There is merchant on Coleman Street,
who is said to be SO stingy that he was seen
to catch flea off his counter, hold him up
BY his hind legs and look into the cracks Of
his feet, to see if he hadn't been stealing
some of his sugar.
A bride of months, finding herself alone
one evening with her spouse was attacked
with severe fit Of yawning.
"You are tired Of my company, pre-
sume." said he somewhat offended.
nNot at all, my DEAR" she replied, "but