Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1872-06-08
Facts and Famcaes.

Appreciation for drankards--A ictlms
of "nisplaced benzine."
Cincinnati astrological invention
Our Horace-seope, as drawn by the
| convention. So
When persons are seasick, what 20
they most desire ?-To feel sea-cure,
| of course.
Consequential Damages" is the
name of new farce just published in
London.
A "bear" movement in the Arizona
egg market has reduced the price of
eggs to LIS dozen.
Bergh proposes to build carbonic
acid gan slaughter house for the painless
destruction of animals.
1t is said of certain United States
Senator that he has seat that will
never fail him. IL is self con -ceit.
Josh Billings says You'd better
not know so much, than to know so
many things that amt SO.
Professors of Geology arc debating
the question, "Were there any bugs
in the carboniferous beds 2"
A law of Pennsylvania makes the
taking of money at the door OF a thea
ter on Sunday illegal, wherefore it is
invariably taken at the window
n Memphis dselling party were driven
into cemetery by facetious hacklnan
" SO that they mi eht be buried without
unnecessary expense.
Madam, good many people were
disturbed by your baby last night at
the concert" well, | do wonder
that such people will 60 to concerts"
A Louisville baker scattered tartar
emetic over his rhubarb pies to cure
thieves. 1t was IN effectual remedy.
A neighboring family caught the tartar.
A Westerner, speaking of the per-
formance of the village chsfr, says that
"it is like drift wood in the stream: : it
drags on the bars, but it don't amount
to dam"
1t is curious co watch how Augustus,
who is promenadng with Belinda, huv-
ries her past the establishment upon
which is placarded, "Strawoerries-S2
pint"
In the absence of globes, how do
voa illustrate the shape of the earth to
year scholars % asked committee 10
school teacher. u shows'em nv
head, was the reply.
y la their zeal to exclude sec'arianism
from the public schools of San Fran
cisco, the trainers OF bill which has
passed the Legislature have enacted
that religion shall neither be tan ght
or praeticed therein.
A drunken Soetchman returaing
from fair fell asleep BY the roadside,
when a pig began licking his mouth
Sawney roarcd: Wha' kissing me
moo? Ye see what it is to be weel
liked amang the lasses
A lady teacher 10 Iowa made boy
stand up and shsw how he kissed the
big girls in the woodshed in hopes that
he would shed tears and pfomise to do
50 no more. All the larger boys are
now wishing that they went to that
school.
A gentleman from Bostoa on visit
to his friends in the country. speaking
of the times, observed that hls wife
had lately expended fifty dollars for a
riding habit His friead replied =
" Here ia the country we don't allow
our wives to get into such habits"
I've have span of horses" said
an economist, the other day, on our
farm that support themselves without
any cost" " Why, how is that" ex-
claimed listener. Why, you see,'
remarked the questioned, one is n
saw-horse and the other a clothes
horse"
When Handel once undertook, in n
crowded church, to play the dismissal /,
on fine organ, the whole congreg CATION
became 80 entranced with delight that
not an individual stirred. At length !
the usual organist came impatiently for
ward, took his seat, saying in tone of
superiority, You cannot dismiss con-
gregation. See how soon can disperse
them.
It is not uncommon for princes, and
people of that irresponsible kind, to be
married by proxy. But it was reserved
for Republican Gotham to hit upon the
extraordinary notion of putting into
proxy, not the bridegroom, nor yet the
bride, but of all the people Ia the world
the parsoE. The newspapers chron-
icle the happiness of d yoang couple
Joined in wedlock, as the notice ran,
by the Rev. S. Fl. Tying, Jr., repre>
senting the Rev. S. III Tying, ID. ID.
A clever old lady, apparently just ar.
rived on train from the country, en-
tered one of the refrcshment rooms at
the Springfield (Mass railroad station
the other day, and said she had left her
parasel on the settee. A general search
was commenced and lasted for some time.
Finally one of the waters asked the old
dame when she left it. to which she ans.
wered. after counting up on her fingers,
sc Well, it was just three years ago last
Fourth Of Jaly." There was general
roar, much to the astonshment of the
old lady, who went away with a very
puzzled look upon her countenance.