The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1872-08-08
A Love Story Without
any Nonsense.

NAAb 9hAAAs anu II DS 4LhG CuELIACS, dlG
/ checks suffused with bushes. Shr
didn't have glossy black hair, sweep
ing back in WaVy tresses from he
queenly brow, and her form wasn't I
blt1ike Hebe's. No, there was none
of those things-on the contrary
she was short and thin, and had rec
hair and freckles, and she also spOr
ted snaggle teeth and wore pads
but still she was a right nice girl
and there was a young man who fel
in love with her, and his name was
Bill, although his friends called him
William when they wanted to hurt
his feelings, for he didn't like il
much. He wasn't fine looking, and
had neither curly brown hair nor a
moustache. Not much. Bill laid
himself out on soap-locks, and wore
a goatee that he had dyed twice a
week.
Now this Bill was in love with
Mary, but did he 60 and make a
! deliberate ass of himself? Did he,
say, 60 into a grove with her, and in
the soft moonlight, by the streamlet
that murmured sweetly by, and with
the tender zephyrs singing through
the foliage, fall down on his knees,
seize her jeweled hand and breathe
his deep affection in the tender ac-
cent Of fond attachment, and "sWear,
by yOn bright orb above us, always
to be thinep' Did he, 1 say? You
can just bet he didn't. You can lay
out your whole revenue safely on
that. William knew too much about
the price Of pants to 90 Hopping
around on the wet grass with his
good clothes on; besides, he never
cared anything about streamlets or
any kind Of cold water, except to
mix with his gin. No, sir, it was
exceedingly strange, but this infat-
uated William met her at the alley
gate, and he stood right up on his
old legs and says: "Say, Moll, old
gal, s'posen we get hitched?"
But how did Mary behave? Did
she go dropping to sleep over on the
bricks in a dead faint, or did she
hide her gentle head on his shirt
BOSOM to conceal her bushes? No,
she didn't, and she didn't say, ''Pm
ever thine, my own love, dear Will
LAMP Oh, my, no. She looked
right in his yellow eyes, and says:
"Pm in, Billy; I'm the gal for these
sort of things. Go imp and instead
of referring him to her father, she
only said: ''WOn't the old man
bust right out when you tell him?
Ha! har- and she laughed. But
she didn't ask William to try to
mollify her fond father. No, no
She very Wickedly advised him to
poke the old man IN the nose if he
gave him any of his lip" She WAS
a funny girl, this Mary.
Now, the old man wasn't wealthy,
for he sold soap-fat for a living, and
so he didn't think Bill was nosing
around after his stamps; so when
Bill asked him, he neither ordered
him fiercely away nor did the dewy
moisture gather in his eagle-eye as
hepassed his hem-stitched up there
and said: ''Bless you, my children,
bless your Oh, no, nothing of the
sort. He just blew his old red nose
in his bandanna and told Bill to take
her along, for he was glad to get rid
Of her, he was, and William would
be the same mighty soon, and al
ways broke plates when she got mad.
So, you see, there was no necessity
for William to come at midnight's s
solemn hour, in a cab, and throw
rope-ladder up to the window, and
whistle three times on his fingers,
and then 60 up, hand over hand, and
bring her down IN one hand and
her trunk in the other, and a band
box and an umbrella under each
arm, and q whole lot of bundles, and
then get into the cab and fly to some
distant shore. That's the way it
would have been in a novel; but Bill
said he wasn't on that lay, and so he
just went out in the yard, and out
of pure JOY he skinned the cat three
or four times on the grapevine ar
Dor, and then went and got into his
butcher cart and drove Mary right
down to the magistrate to get the
job done for a quarter-for he said
he was some on low prices, he was.
But the very queerest thing of all
was, that Bill had no tall, dark, ruff
fianly rival, with a scowGng visage
and black whiskers, who few at him
with drawn dagger and q horse
piston in each hand, and muttered
curse upon his lips, and cried wildly
for revenge" Ha! ha! and said |
"Deathr' and "Villian, thou diestm
Not any. There was another fellow !
in love with Mollie, to be sure, but !
he was a weak-eyed young man, who |
had sandy hair and wore spectacles |
and a choker collar, and always |
looked scared when you followed at |
him. So, when he saw that Bill had |
the best of the girls affections, he /
looked serene, and said: go in |
Billy, if you banker for her." and as
Billy was a trife on the banker, he
sailed right in.
So William, you see, had no /
trouble at all-and you couldn't get
up an agonizing novel about him if
you tried. He didn't have any
urgent business that called him to a
foreign land, and so have to bid her
a fond good by, and swear always to
be true, and then go away and for
get her, and fall in love with q dark
eyed Italian girl, picking grapes in
a vineyard, with a square towel fold
ed on her head, while his forgotten
and forsaken Mary gradually faded
md pined away, and bafiled the
skill, and grew paler,
md at last, when the June rosses
we're in bloom, lying gently down TO
lie, while through the open window
loated in the balmy odor of jessa-
nine and honeysuckle. And VIII |
lam didn't come home at last, and
lied with deathless remOrse go
Iaily TO the sweet cemetery and !
trew flowers on her grave, and teach
Ter children to lisp her name. Not
t all. That is the way Mrs. f. d.
;, 3. Southworth would have done
I. but she wasn't round. Billy was
butcher who wore q white shirt
nd q shiny hat, and he STAYED at