The Lincoln County herald., 1872-07-31
BabieS-An Old Definition Verified.


A writer ("Zozimus'') in an English
magazine dscourses as follows On ia
miliar and humorous subject:
"Babies are bundles Of clothes with
yellow heads" Some months ago | re-
ceived letter from the Royal Geograph
ical society, Informing me that this def
milton was inaccurate, as in tropical eli
mates babies had black face. and were
frequently found without any clothes
worth speaking of. This don't believe.
l have often sean black men ut ST. James
Hall and elsswh here, but who ever saw o
black baby2 / wrote back, saying that
if DR.. Livingstone, when he camo homo,
brought among his rpecmins Of insects
any black babies, should have great
pleasure in inspecting them and giving
him certificate, that is, provided they
didn't prove stuffed seals or large cock
reaches. There are great numbur of
babies in the world Most of them are,
however, kept out Of sight in cradles, ben
ooops, uttics and old clothes baskets. A
man once told me that the reason Of thi,
was because, if they wore allowed to
crawl about the streets or parks, NO ono
could stir out for fear of walking on them
or tripping over them, in either Of which
casss the people SO dong would be pros
ecuted by our friend Lathbury. 1t was
once proposed by very clever Irishman
to try all the babies found at largo by
the treason felony act but, as all British
subjects are entitled TO be tried by jury
Of their peers, and as babies can never
DO depended on to keep their oaths, the
idea had to Le abandoned. Babies arc
nearly all tho same size When they are
very small they are called infants, and
fed on butter and brown sugar and tur.
pentine. Somstimcs tho turpensins rises
to their head, and they behave in the
most outrageous manuer. l once saw an
infant who had drank too much turpcn
tno, on pillow on the ground and yell.
ing with ali its might at most respecta.
BILE looking old lady, who was the In-
fants grand aunt, and had lot Of money
in the funds. Whenever the grand aunt
pointed her fsgsr at the infant it yelled
louder than ever, and tried to bite tho
finger. The grand aunt loft the house.
aud settled all her money on an institu
tion for elderly unmarried women. The
education of babies is generally in very
backward state indeed, they do not
seem 10 know much of the English lon.
guage bsy end the words "papa," mamma"
"me," 'go," "by." Their attempts at
French are even worse; they are con,in
ually using such low French as "ajou,"
"baba, and "by BY" A man once told
me there eau bs no doubt that babies are
descended from niggsrs, for they always
say "me" for IL.
Babies do not differ much in temper,
size, aud disposition. They are violent,
about the size of pillow, and covetous.
I once saw baby with cork screw, a
pair Of tougs, hand bell. and broken
hearth brush, aud nothing could induce
/. to pare from any Of them, although il
had got the oorksorsw half way into its
ear and the handle Of the hearth brush
altogether down it's throat. When you
come near a baby 1t stretches ou: it's
hands and clutches hold Of your ueekte
This il. the mothss tells you, q mark Of
high favor, and s sign that the baby
want. to kiss yeu. Whom you stoop
forwa.6 to kiss tho creature 1t seizes you
BY the hair, and everyone but you laughs,
and says chat a precious baby it is.
When you sit down you ere astsd to
mold the baby. You take it in your
arms ana place it on yous knee. Imme.
distsly it catches hold Of yosr cole, and
...:.. A. stos,J un ,A Aoup Laet ,.ona>,s