Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-05-03

O. Love- thy kingdom stands secure,
Born with Creations day;
Thy sweet dominion shall endure
When earth has passed away.
Chamber music-Baby.
Buss Conductors-Lips.
Blacks friars-Colored cooks.
A tight ft-The delirium tremens.
What is it you can take without hands?
A hint.
The Bump of Destructiveness "A rail-
way collision.
Step on an orange peel if you wish to
make quick trip.
An ass may bray good while before he
shakes the stars down?
Who ever saw anybody near fire who
didn't want to play poker?
Siam is becoming civilized. Its King has
learned to wear shirts and swear.
A doctor calls his dog Cinohona, on ac-
count of the bitterness of its bark.
A lobster never comes ashore without
great risk Of getting into hot water.
A young lady, recently betrothed, says
that &C. o. D." means ''call on dad.''
When there is spanking breeze, bad
children should be put out to take the air.
A Pennsylvania paper in speaking Of
songstress, says: "She beats a cat on high
notes.
Pay your little outstanding earthly bills,
and don't romance about the falling dues of
heaven.
Money is great lever in the affairs of
man; so great lever that some Of US can
never keepit it.
Mrs Partington says she does wish they
would hurry and pass the silver service bill
in Washington.
Shakespeare would never have asked
''Whafs in aim ?" if he had been hit on the
head with brick.
SAKE geographically describes a certain
piece Of beefsteak as ian infringement Oh
Goodycar's patent"
Sensible doctors disapprove Of alcohol
but believe 10 the cheering effect Of ''good
spirits on their patients.
A man whom you can hire to work on
farm for nothing and board him self, vii!
just about earn his wages.
Josh Billings says Don't work before
breakfast If it is necessary to toll before
breakfast, eat your breakfast first"
It is said that the light of match will
frighten wolf, but love match sometimes
fails to keep the wolf from the door.
A grocer had pound OF sugar returned
with a note stating too much sand for ia
BILE use, and not enough for building pur-
poses"
The census, it is said, embraces seven
teen millions Of women Upon which fact
a contemporary asks, "Who wouldn't be a
census?'
A wretchcd old bachelor says: "After
in the world it's a perfect honeycomb-
full Of sells"
A Boston house is about to publish s'The
Thief 10 the Night" This is not of the
Administration thieves. They are thieves
of the night and day both.
Forney says he now means TO lsbor for
reform within the lines of the Radical party |
The devil working to have einners saved
inside the gates of hell, would be parallel
ase.
"Every tree is subject to disease said
sneaker in Fruit Growers Convention
What ailment can you find on an oak p
asked the chairman. Acorn was the tri-
umphant reply.
A Washington letter writer says that
General Grant has declined to 60 some
where. We don't believe it; he can't de-
cline anything, not even noun especially
if it be house or horse.
A Western orator thus winds up defni. |
ton of eternity-"Why, my friends, after
millions and millions Of years had rolled
away in eternity. it would be hundred
thousand years to breakfast time"
A wag had kept up continual fire of
witticisms at social party, when puri-
tanica gentleman sharply observed, IF
YOU keep on you will make every decent
person leave the house." That would be
sorry Joke" was the reply; "you would |
certainly be lonesome when left alone
An elderly gentleman, returning home
one Sunday, began to extol the merits of the
sermon to his son The following dialogue
tells the story: Il have heard. Walter"
said the old gentleman lone of the most
delightful sermons ever delivered before |
Christian society. 1t carried me to toe
gates Of Heaven "Well, I think" re.
plied Master Walter. you'd better have
lodged in, for you will never have another
chance"
A humorous young man was driving a
horse which was in the habit Of stopping at
every house on the roadside. Passing
cour try tavern where there were collected
together some dozen countrymen, the ami
nal, as usual, ran opposite the door and
then stopped, in spite Of the young man.
who applied the whip with all his might to
drive the horse on. The men in the porch
commenced hearty laugh, end some in.
onired if be would sell that horse. Eyes"
laid the young man, "but I cannot recon-.
,oend him. as he once belonged to 8 BUTCH
er and stops whenever be hears any calves
80 :, ri roud ratired to the ar in sis