The Portland daily press., 1872-09-05

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Please adapt your presents to an income of
9l'ooo'' or other sum according to clrcum-
stances.
AS an illustration of the manner in which
mistakes in Typography may arise, the Bir-
mlngham Post recently apologizedt to its read
ers for having described the infamou, can-can
as delicious dance" The critic had writ
ten "delirious," which the printers had read
as delicious.
They allude to bald-hcad AIDED men in Color
ado as "persons with their heads above the
timber line.''
Mr.. Bienvenu, of New Orleans, shot a
gentleman for looking at hi, wife. Since
then, Mrs. Bienvenu has had the whole side
walk.
Atender-hearted Rochester tailor, on being
refused by the girl he loved, vowed that
everybody went back on him." and incon-
tinently swallowed the contents Of lauda-
mum bottle before her face. Doctors were
summoned, and the prompt application of an
antidote saved the poor fellows life, but the
girls heart is still hard, her only concern
being that the fellow should not die ON her
premises.
lady has astonished the British Academy
OF Sciences with the information that she has
atlast found the principle which differentiate.
the finite from the infinite She demands
that live other academies shall join the Acad-
emy of Sciences, and that together they shall
pay her the modest sum of one million ster-
Ing, for which she will yield up her secret.
Charles Beke cannot make head or tail out
of DR.. Livingstone's geography. Turning
the map of Africa upside down, or downside
up, the great explorers discoveries are equal
ly mysterious and enigmatical 1t is about all
"UjUP' to the uninitiated, to be sure; but
then the Doctors recent investigations seem
to have been directed to the physiognomy of
the African women, we infer, from the way
he writes about the ''dear," and the 'shus-
seys." In fact, the good Doctor seems to
have got a good deal more "Ujiji'' than ge-
ography.
There is one interview to take place, per-
haps within a few weeks or months, that the
public will wish to see fully reported, even to
the number of pail bearers and how large the
attendance was at the funeral. That is the
interview between Louis Noe and Henry Stan
ley.
After much talk about ,idging or tunnel
ing the English channel, the common sense
and practical plan of building better and
larger boats is to be tried. The harbors at
Newhaven and Dieppe are to be deepened
and improved, making them capable of float
ing the large steamers which are to be put
upon the route. 1t is calculated that the
time from London to Paris by the new route
win be nine hours.
A timely question-"What is a gentleman
to do if strong-minded woman takes pos
session of his reserved seat at place of en-
tertainment and refuses to move, thereby
breaking up party of friends who had ar
ranged to sit together?"
A new version of an old verse-Loathe the
poor Indian.
"Kleptomaniac on the subject of horses"
is Western euphemism.'
An ''elopement' was frustrated night be-
fore last. 1t wasn'nt to be much of an ''elope,"
only secret marriage round the corner. A
jealous rival ferreted out the affair-divulged
the plot-told the old man the girl was
watched THE dog tied loosel:l Then all
was lost. Ha! ha-he-a-a. Tableau vivant.
Curtain falls.
The Philadelphia Press says, "Murat Hal
stead is the greatest working journalist in the
West. He does the clippings for the Cincin-
natl Commercial" upon which the New York
Commercial says, "This is emily an evidence
of sheer Skill"
Autumn is here at last" says the New
York Evening Post. ''But don't throw away
your straw hat, or lay aside your summer
clothes; there will be warm and melting days
yet-warm enough to make September count
as summer month"
Kate Fields says she doesn't know whether
it is beer or victory, but the Germans are GER
tainly the most satisfied looking people she
ever saw.
Bayard Taylor once called on Humboldt.
The venerable baron met him cordially, say
ing as he did so, you have travelled much, Mr..
Taylor, and seen many ruins, and now you
see another. Not ruin, replied Taylor, but
pyramid.
An Annapolis lady recently informed her
husband, to whom she had been married Is
years, that she loved another man better
than she did him, offering to take two or all
five of the children. interviewing the object
other estranged affections, worthy marine,
the husband was informed that this sent-
ment was mutual, and that they were bound
to live together. Receiving further assurances
that the children should be kindly treated, he
consented to the arrangement. Such con-
duct is preferable to cowhiding and rsvolvers.
Emperor William lost stick, the other
day, which was given to him by an Al.atian
peasant ON his return from the war, and to
which he was so much attached, that he at
once advertised it in the newspapers, as any
old burgher might have done.
A correspondent at Newport pronounces
the belle of the season to be a Philadelphia
lady, who has been belle for over half a
century, and whose hair is as white as the
paper on which write. She is charming.
She is never ''out of practice" when asked
for music; she is ready to entertain any one,
and she does it as few young ladies can do.
81 should be furiously jealous" said Kate,
after watching her hold court in the hotel
parlor, "were her husbandP' do not be-
lieve this better half of hers ever felt more
proud when he led he to the altar, than he
did last night when he carried her off up
stairs from among an admiring crowd
Our sub-editor is the owner of sinister
al.