The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1872-05-23

st advertising rates
Announcement Of candidates, hlpe ooafs III e@en e'o
snyariably in advance.
Job Work cash on,defivery, In every instance
The Fat Contributor becomes Candidate
for President.
The hour has arrived. l can hesitate no
longer The highest interests OF the nation
damand that present myself as candidate
for President of the United States. / have
waited for some one else to bring me ont, but
in the multitude of candidates no one seems to
have thought of me. And don't think very
much of myself; but man doRs want to
think much of himself to be candidate for
President now-a-days IF he had any se}f-re-
gard at the outset he would think very little of
himself by the time he got through with the
campaign.
Lam one of the people-T might say, one of
the bows. ]. came up from obscurity, and
have brought up 8 good deal Of obscurity with
me- I.neverhad any politics-or much else
Lam aIsiberal' to fault, and ready to receive
votes, from any quarter, although | am not
zeadyto give quarters for any votes.
AS for platform, suit yourself, gentlemen.
The lecture platform would probably suit me
as well as any other. Having stood upon near,
" every platform in the West, it would be hard
for YOU to get up one could not stand on. In
the absence of platform give me four aces,
and I'll "stand" on that
I am the special friend of the laboring man.
No one likes to see man work better than
do. In fact had rather see man work than
work myself I am not only averse to working
more than eight hours, but am opposed to
working single hourI shan't even work
for my election, leaving that for the men who
want the Offices.
lam in favor of paying the national debt.
It is in fact the only debt am in favor OF pay
ing. And rather than not see it paid during
my administration will pay it out of my own
pocket.
I'm the matter of civil service reform intend
TO do the civil thing by the nation if the nation
does the civil thing by me- Being civil Is so
of life Ito say nothing about the runs) that re-
form is urgently called for.
Retrenchment is my motto. If you can't
put retrenchment plank in the platform, put
in board am ready to work without any
salary, but shall insist upon my board.
am rather inclined to Free Trade, prefer
ring to feel free to trade wherever please, but
if Tariff plank is necessary to my election,
put it in. shall not get on Tariff amt
elected
Pledge me as strong as you please to the
Temperance men. The temperance pledge
won't hurt me one bit.
No relative shall hold Office, no matter whose
relation he may be. shall appoint none but
Old bachelors, childless widows, and orphans.
Any man who has relation in the world need
not apply for an Office under my administra-
ton. have few relatives of my own hold
ing Office now, but they shall be promptly
kicked out as soon as I am elected. One
brother-in-law has little coal Office on the
river. He must give it up. A third cousin on
my neighbor's side drinks too much occasion
ally, and gets Office foot. shall give him no.
tice to quit. Another relation has hankering
after George Ellis "Ofice" It won't do him
any good. You see am determined to reduce
the Relative" expenses of the Government.
engage not to accept any gift, unless it be
the highest Office in the gift of the people. II
L am ever called "Our present Chief Magis-
tsstsI" it won't be chief magistrate of pres
ents. Not being a man of commanding pres
ence anyhow, there would probably be few
presents that / could command. What few
deayor to retain. They are not worth making
any fuss about
/ am not only in favor of woman's rights,
but of woman's rights and lefts. I am in favor
of women voting, provided they vote for me.
see no reason why woman should not hold
efice, except, perhaps, the difficulty of getting
hold of it. Nor should there be any bar to q
woman's accumulating property and supporting
the family if she wants to.
I may be asked how / would treat the In
dians. wouldn't "treat" them at all. They
have been treated too much and too often. My
private opinion, however, is that it will be 8
treat when there isn't an Injun left.
stand by the old constitution that has been
x~snd Eoc, y,o, bovo tr;ad their constitution
more than have tried mine accept the
amendments, every enc Of them. When it
comes to amends, am ready to shout 'famen"
as loud as anybody.
I understand there is an ambitious man
camed George Francis Train, who aspires to
be President on his promise to free Ireland.
engage not only to free Ireland but to make
Irish whiskey free in the bargain. shall at
least be able to tie George Francis in the pop
MAR vote, unless one or the other of us is kept
away from the polls. Hang it, 1 believe 1
could tie the Davenport brothersl
shall inangurate wholesale emancipation
business as soon as am inaugurated. No
goods retailed at the White House when am
from the thraldom of fashion, to give the
3boys" their rights, and abolish the custom
which excludes children in arms from the ele-
waiting and purifying influences of the theatre.
Ihaxe pledged myself to free Ireland and to
free postage; to free housekeepers from the
tyranny of servant girls; free pews, free passes,
and freebooters. To free soil, to free tickets to
shows, free drinks, free press, and 81. N" Free.
I trust am not making myself loo free.-CGn-
cinnGt; Times.
TIE GRAVE OF PRENTIcE.-A writer in the
Louisville Commercial who has been wander
ing among the monuments of Cave Hill Gene
tesy, says:
As we walk to the hillside we stop and look
with feelings of sorrow at the humble spot
kLo No,to. Of tbo ,,ra,c fbo roon of