The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1872-04-19
PLAIN DEALER,

When Horace Gre ley wants to hide
his feelings he puts them in writin-.
"Cleanliness is next to godliness. ~
If that is 50, cake Of good soap must
be better than a poor sermon.
Pay your little outstanding earthly
bills, and don't romance about the
falling dues Of heaven.
New name f,r fog-fir apparent.
Some one wants to know if deaths
door is opened with skeleton key.
A grocer had pound Of sugar re-
turned with a note stating "too much
sand for table use, and not enough for
building purposes.
The Chicago Republican has re-bap-
tized itself the Inter ocean, suggestive
of the position of its party, all at sea.
They don't sell whiskey in Greeley,
Colorado, but have medicine for rat
tlesnake bites, which is as good, and
has a ready sale.
A broken-heartel wilower in India
napolis has erected pine slab over his
wifc's grave, and presented fine piano
to the girl who was kind to him during
his affection.
II. G.. writes TO Berks county man
thus: Il hear that in your vicinity
you raise small fruit called pretzels,
which are said to be good when cooked.
Please send me few seeds, and l will
set them out in the spring"
A young gentleman who had just
married a little beauty, says: "she
would have been taller, but she is made
Of such precious materials that Nature
couldn't afford it,
Only two, out of all the State con-
ventiors that have instructed FIR Grant
have instructed for Colfax. These arr
cold facts for the vice-presidert's De-
icatc stomach.
A town not far from Yuba Dam. Ca.
is named Sweet Vengeance. Let til,
next settlement in that vicinity he
christened JustiEable Homicide.
viii some one please send us that
item about the Wisconsin girl who
ploughs and harrows and plants forty
five acres Of land with her own hands.
We cannot realize that it is springtime,
till we've read that item. We haven't
missed it for ten years.
A Western orator thus winds up a
definition of eternity-"Why, my
friends, after millions and millions OF
years had rolled away in eternity, it
would be hundred thousand years to
breakfast time
Without recording an instance, the
New York Mail says: "When a woman
becomes Indifferent to her appearance
it is time for the family physician to be
called ill.,"
1t is all very well to say: Tale
things as they come" but suppose
things don't come?
Some Of the newspapers arc asserting
that Dana abandoned the prosecution
against Secretary Robson. He ought
not to have undertaken it before com
mittee that was made up to acquit the
accused.
If your wife does abuse you, you
have the pleasant consciousness that
she will not permit any one else to do
80.
God leacheth us good things by our
hands. ......
The more we help others to bear
their burdens the lighter our own viii
be. ..."
Efficiency does not depend wholly On
capacity, but in part also upon ener-
gy.
Vice stings us, even in our pleasure,
but virtue consoles us even in our
pains.
Surely some people must know them
selves; they never think about anything
else.
The large number Of young ladies
suffering from dreadful bunions has
rather sent French heels out Of fash
ion.
The Philadelphia Press talks about
"the malignant attacks upon the per-
sonal and public integrity Of the Pres
iaent." Nobody has attacked either
his personal or public integrity. There
is no telling, though, what might have
been done if he had any to attack
Hn,,r;ar Tn,rn,l