Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1872-05-30
Varieties.

SAID Mr.. Cantwell to his clergyman,
who had great disrelish for hypocrisy !:
How can l help to reform the world ?''
"By beginning with yourselfp' was the
conclusive reply.
A LITTLE boy accosted his papa, last
week, thus: Papa, are you growing
still2' "No, dear; what makes you
think SO ?' because the top of your
head is coming through your hair"
The poor politician is getting bald.
A corEMPoRARY tells this anecdote
Wake up, here, and pay. for your
lodging" said the deacon as he nudged
sleepy stranger with the contribution
box" We were there and we heard the
sleepy stranger murmur, with a glance
at the minister whose sermon had mar
cotized him, Lodging land bored
too p 5oI thst
oyer haven't such thing as a pair
of trowsers, have yer?" said an impor-
tunate beggar, looking in at a counting
house. No, my man." said the mer-
chant. 81 don't keep my wardrobe in
my Office" "Where do yer live ?' re-
joined the tramp; "give us yer address
and Ill call in the morning for the old
pair you've got on"
WHEN persons are sea-sick, what do
they most desire2 To feel sea-cure, of
course.
IT's only the shoe that knows wheth-
er the stocking has holes, says a Hay
ten proverb.
THE man that bit another mans nose
off in an affray is said to have taken a
prominent part in the fight.
EARLY rising was once an indication of
thrift, but now it indicates that man
is thirsty.
RICHTER calls faith the night flower.
blooming into the hour when sense and
memory fade.
Ticket-collector to child: What age
are you, madamoiselle 2" "Seven years
when in the train, and ten when at
home"
A MILD Missouri editor de-
scribes the opponents of his policy by
saying, "Their ears would do for the
steeples to meeting houses"
"THE strongest propensity in at
woman's nature" says a. careful studen
is going on, and the next is to boss the
job"
WHERE once the prairie was trackless
save for the Indian trial, it now bears
tracks of Trail; which shows what
a difference little dash may make.
THERE are three modes of bearing the
ills of life: by seeming indifferen ce,
which is the most common by phil
osophy, which is the most ostentatious /;
and by religion, which is the most
effectual.
THE crop of buzz-saw items is very
backward, like other seasonable fruits.
The regular reports of the destruction
of the peach crop are overdue, but have
been unaccountably delayed.
Hearth and Home, speaking of sympa-
thy as the key to the "mystery of
childhood says "If the father who does
not know what to do with his unruly
little boy would play jack-stones with
him on the cellar door, he would soon
| find out"
JOSH BILLINGS says: "There is one
thing about a hen that looks like WIS
dunn, they don't kakle mutch until they
| until after they have laid their egg.
Sum pholl1s are alwus a Dragging and a
cackling what they are going tew do be-
forehand.
"MIsTER, where are you going with
| that horse ~ asked gentleman of a
suspicious looking man whom he met
on horseback. DWELL, 1 hain't a going
anywhere with him." said the other,
but he is going somewhere with me"
A YOUNG man asked a young lady her
age, and she replied: "Six times seven
and seven times three added to my age
will exceed six times nine and four as
double my age exceeds twenty" The
young man said he thought she looked
! much older.