Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1872-03-29

die never opened his mouth. He closed
his small black eyes. and | thought he
bad gone to sleep, but be startled me sud
denly by grasping my arm and asking me
if I was fond of stories.
"Yes. Mr.. Waudle. Have you got one
to tell ?"
"Have I got story to tell? Well. you
better believe | have. aud I'm going to
tell it to you, whether you. listen or not.
Fact is, I've got to tell my story or bust,
Mr. Robinson Dobson. that's just what's
the matter with me"
''Tm all attention. my dear sir" I re-
piled. land really. l must confess that |
am very anxious to hear your story"
"Wcll, you shall hear it. I'll take off
my hat to keep my brain cool, for the fact
lis. Mr. Robinson Dobson. when I get to
thinking, and when l remember what 1
was. and then consider what am, sir. |
feel as if I should 60 mad. Sometimes l
think I an, mad What do you think a.
bout it ?"
Why" said I. smiling at the odd
question of my thin friend. "when [ saw
you trying to throw yourself out of the
window, l did think that your mind was
rather unsound,"
'Of course you did. What else could
you think? Why, l don't believe I am
perfectly sane, do you p
Il can tell better after I hear your
story, perhaps"
We'll perhaps so. Ill tell it, and then.
if you think I've been through with G:
nough to make man insane, why, when
we get to Worcester. you just chuck me
into the asylum. I'll be out of the way
of my wife then. anyway.
ITO begin. then, ten years ago [ was
a happy man. | was bachelor of thirty
and had just come into possession of con-
siderable property by the death of my
father. As be was my only father, and
[ was his only child. of course it all fell
to me, and it WIS very pretty plum |
assure you.
''At that time I resided in Boston.
boarding with Mrs. Josephine Hickory
dickery. She Was widow, and about my
own age. She was large woman, a very
large woman. Mr. Dobson, and Pm very
sma man. and quite thin, too. You no.
sice my thinness? Yes. Everybody does.
.'But to return to Mrs. Hickorydickery.
Besides being very. extensive in her pro-
! ! 4;--ssrsss ;--ssrsssssss iil.ss.zsssS hair. Nor. ~
] dear sir. yols may ike red hair Your
wife may have red hair. and your children,
aud all your relations. and you may think
it is the most beautiful color in the world
for hair, but dye my eyebrows. if do!
"Aside irom her hair, Mrs. Hickory
dickery was very fiue-looking woman,
aud | told her So She didn't thank me
for telling her, of course. Her sex is new
err thankful. no matter what you do for
'em. You may not think so, Mr.. Dobson,
but can't hel that. I've seen some
thing of women. and I know 'em just like
book.
Now. Tn not naturally a marrying
man The simple fact that remained a
bachelor until [ was thirty years of age,
without ever having made love to woman
proves that. think. And might have
remained bachelor until this day, if it
/ hadn't heeu for that property that my fa-
ther left me. I'm not handsome. You
smile, as if you doubted my word. but I'll
leave it to any woman with we'll balanc-
ed head, if am not about the poorest
specimen ofhumanity she ever saw. am
not talented. haven't single talent for
anything. As AsProfessor Bumpheeler said
when he examined my head;
"'Mr. Waudle, said he. you ask me
to give you a chart, but you don't need
one Yours is very serious case he
continued. and | feel almost inclined to
doubt the facts; but phrenology never lies.
The truth of the matter is this: you're a
perfect damphool! And the phrenologi-
cal gentleman was right, Mr.. Dobson. !
told him so, and gave him dollar for his
honesty.
"Now, with these facts before you, sir,
you naturally ask, why should any woman
want to marry me? Why. for my money.
OF course. They never thought of throw
ing sweet glances at me until became a
man of wealth Then, sir, when it be-
came known that counted my money by
thousands. every unmarried female at Mrs.
Hickorydickery's went for me- Miss
Lute-she was Aaxen-haired creature,
with blue eyes and milk-and watery com
lplexion-used to play for me every night
in the parlor /; and she banged that poor
piano until there was no more music left
in it than there is in dry sink. Miss
Bate, she was also blonde. and
pale as the morn when first her silver beam
Steals through the envious curtain of a cloud, !,
sang for me. Yes, she sang until she was
so hoarse that she couldn' speak above 9
whisper. Miss Knott read poetry to me
Read it until she had exhausted every ma.
tive poet. and then, instead of commencing
on the English bards, she hired newspa.
per fellow to write sonnets to my eyes, my
nose. aud my beauty generally and she
published those sonnets under her owr
name. and then read them to me.
s'Miss Dott danced with me. Yes, w
waltsed aud we waltzed. until one evening
the sweet creature slipped out of my arms
fell. and broke her. leg. Then she wa
satisfied.
| "Bu.ths playing. ,bs singing, che read