The Lincoln County herald., 1872-06-05
A NEVADA FUNERAL.
by HANK TWAIN.

resontative citizen. lie had "killed his
man NOT in his own quarrel, it is true,
but in the defence Of q stranger beset by
numbers. lie had kept = sump,uous
saloon. He had been the proprietor of
o dashing helpmeet, whom hs could have
discarded without the formality of . di-
vorcc. He had held high position 10
the fire department, and been very
Warwick in politics. When he died
there wus great lamentation throughout
the town, but especially In the vast bot
tom stratum of society.
On tho inquest it was shown that Buck
Fanshaw, in the delirium of a wasting
typhoid fever, had taken arsenic, shot
himself through the body, cut his throat,
and jumped out Of four story window
and broken his neck and after due de-
Liberation, the jury, sad aud fearful, but
with intelligence unblinded by its sor
row, brought in q verdict OF dsa,u by
the visitation Of God" What could the
world do without ju,ies?
Prodlgious preparations we're made for
the funeral. All the vehicles in town
were hired, and sll the saloons we're put
in mourning, all the municipal aud fire
company flags wero hung at half. mast,
aud all the fremen ordered to muster in
uniform, and bring their machines duly
draped in black.
kegretful resolutions were passed, and
various committees were appointed /;
among others, q committee Of ono was
appointed to call on u minister-a fragile,
gentle. spiritual new Asdsling from an
Eastern theological semi lary, and as yet
unacquaiuted with the ways OF the mines.
The committeeman, "Scotty" Briggs,
made bis visit.
Being admitted to his presence, he sat
down before the clergyman, placed his
fire hat on an unfinished manuscript ser
mon under the minister's nose, took from
is red silk handkerchief. wiped bis
brow and heaved 4 sigh Of dismal impres,
siveness explanatory of his business. He
choked, aud even shed tears, but with an
effort be mastered his voice, and said, in
|lugubrious tones
"Are you the duck that runs the gos
pei mill next door p
Am | the-Pardon me, l believe do
not understand"
With another sigh and half sob Scotty
rel oincd:
why, you see, we are in bit Of
trouble, aud the boys thought may be
you'd give US lift if we'd tackle you,
that is, if I've got the rights of it and
you are the head clerk Of the doxolgy
work next door,"
II am the shepherd in charge Of the
flock whose fold is next door"
1.-The which p
"The spiritual adviser Of the little com
pany Of believers whose sanctuary adjoins
these premises
Scotty scratched his head, reflected O
moment and then said:
"You rather hold it over me, pard.
reckon l cant call that hand. Ante and
pass the buck"
How2 l beg pardon. What did
understand you to sayY"
"WclI, you've rather got the bulge on
me. Or may be we've both got the bulge
somshow. You don't smoke me and
don't smoke you. You see, one Of the
boys has passed in his checks, and we
want to give him a good send off, and
the thing I'm on now is to rout ou,
somebody to jerk out little chin music
for US, and waltz him through hand
some"
my friend seem to grow more and
moro tewildered. Your observations are
wholly iincomprehensible to me. Can
not you simplify them some way? Al
first though | understood you, but now
l grope. Would it not expedite matters
if you restricted yourself to catee orical
statement of facts uuincumbered with
obstructing accumulatlous of metaphor
and allagory?'
Another pause and moro reflection.
Then Scotty said:
Wll have to pass, judge"
"How?"
"You've raised me out, pard."
II still fail to catch your meaning"
"Why, that last lead Of yCurn is toe
many for me that idea, cant neithc1
trump nor follow suit"
The clergyman sank back into biz
chair perplexsd. Scotty leaned his heaG
on his hand, and gave himself up to re-
fsction. Presently his face came up
sorrowful but confident.
"l've got it now, SOS you can savvy,
said ho. "What We want is q gospel
sharp. See ?"
"A what?"
Gospel, sharp, parsou."
"Oh why did you not say so before
| am a clsrgyman-a parson.'
"Now you talk Il You see my blind
and straddls likeita man. Put there +
-exteuding q brawny paw, which closet
over tho ministers small hand and gav'
it shake indicative OF fraternal sympa
thy and fervent qualification.
snow we're all right. pard. Lett
start fresh. Don't you mind me snuffiinl
little, becoz we're in power Of trouble
You see one Of the boys has gone up tn
Aums"-
"Gone where ?"
"Up the Hums-throWed up the sponge