Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1872-05-04
DOLLY WARDEN 5.

Dolly \ arden dresses ds Na> III H!It'I
tunate husband in Philadelphia, the
sooner they are squelched the better
will it be for the peace Of society The
husband in question one night missed
from the supper table his wife Matilda
and inquired Of his little boy whittier
had she gone, and Just at that moment
the dining room swung open and lady
entered. The husband observed wild
look in her eve, and also noticed she
was attircd in an outlandiSh style, hay-
inc on as ne SAYS. a dress with sunhow-
els worked all oycrit, and alot of snakes
squirming around for Il background.
Rising the man said, Madam. whom
do YOU wish to see? And then said.
aside, Poor thing, she's crazy. That
last remark settled the business for him.
as the weird female made 4 bolt and
tightly grasped his Adams apple and
choked him until his face assumed the
color of abanncr of the Commune. After
she had enjoyed 4 surteit of choking
her husband she Topped into 4 chair,
and with tears courSing each othcrdown
her cheeks exclaimed: That | should
ever live to hear my husband say that |
was crazy. This amused the husband,
and eleyating himself to his full proper
tious said:
You can't blame, me madam, for sup
posing YOU an insane woman, and now
that | know that You are really the
mother of these interesting children.
will Won have the kindness to retire to
the sanctity of your chamber and peel
yourself Of that piece oftWnitnre chntz.
or window curtain, or whatever II Is you
call it,
Window curtain, chintz? said the
spouse; why It's you that's ont of your
head. That's Dolly Warden, and very
pretty pattern, too
Madam replied the husband, we
may be out of our head, but if that is a
Dolly Warden we are most decidedly
out of pocket. Why it looks like a
circus dress. and the idea ofa woman At
your time OF life
NV time of life
Yes vour time of life. The next
thing, | suppose You will be practiring
the trapczc in the back yard. Why It
is enough to give a man the dcliium
trcmcns to look at it. Who ever saw
such a pattern? It's iashwall paper run
mad. You look exactly Ikea japanese
tea sign. And now just bounce out of
here with that Fccie battle flag, or you'll
scare the baby to death.
There was an ominous pause for a
moment, and the eldest daughter said;
why you ought to be ashamed. Of
yourself. father. It's all the style. and !
am going to have one. too: there now
Yes and | want one; all the girls have
got them. Thus spoke Maria, the second
eldest. Any more? gaspcd the hus-
/ band: are there amy more! Hadn't the
baby better have one2 ! guess Ill get
one myself. How do they make up for
pantaloons la, Ia. IIa. DemonicalIy)
| Let me have a Dolly Warden. Let me
clutch it. BRING me pattern Of mon
KEYS sealing lamp posts How would a
/ Chinese puzzle look, or map of Fair
mount park? All the rest is blank.
The unhappy husband has just been
liberated fronla an Asylum andpronouuced
cured But the only way they man
aged it was to dress him up in Dolly
Warden marked out with the ground
plan Of the streets Of Boston.
There is a place in Maine 50 rocky
that when the natives plant corn they
/ look for creyices in the rocks, and
I shoot the grains in with muskel; they
can't raise ducks there nohow, for the
/ stones are so thick that the ducks can't
get their bills between them TO pick out
the grasshoppers, and the only way the
/ sheep can get at the sprigs of grass is by
/ grinding their noses on grindstone.
But this amt circumstance 10 4
place i'm Maryamd-therc the land il 80
poor that it takes two kildccrs to cry
"Kildeer, and on clear day you can
see the grasshoppers climb up a mullen
stock and look with tears over fifty
acre field; and the bumblebces have to
90 down on their knees to get at the
grass; all the mosquitoes died Of starya-
ton, and the turkey buzzards were
obliged TO emigrate.
But there is county in Virginia
which can beat that-there the land is
50 sterile that when the wind is Forth
west they have to tie the children to
/ keep them from being blown away
there it takes six frogs to raise one
croak, and when the dogs bark they
I have to lean against the fcnces-the
horses are 50 thin that it take, twelve Of
! them to make i shadow, and when they
kill a beef they have to hold him up to
knock him down,
ASIA DIcEISsoS's FEEr-As Miss
Dickinson, in her recent lecture, came
ont fiat (oofed in favor we the Peo-
pie, it may not be ont Of place 10 pub
lish the following incident, as told by
the Chicago Posi-:
'In her last lecture Anna Dickinson
saws. I never was insultcd but once,
when 4 man in a railroad car pressed
my feet with his; | looked him steadily
in the eye and said, If YOU repeat thatI
will call the conductor and have you put
of the train This reads well, but
Anna did not tell the whole story The
man repeated the insult, and Anna call
cd the conductor. who heard the state
ments OF both parties Anna put in
her feet in evidence, and the conductor
decided that the man must have some