The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1872-03-06
The Te.i-Ta!e Pants.


A Rock Island correspondent of the
Chicago Journal relates the following
story of pair of pantaloons, showing
how q sensible husband acted under
startling revelations:
Dapenport, our sister city, has just
had a sensation. 1t was all about
pair of pantaloons, and is to terminate
in divorce suit. In my preceding
letter I alluded to the encouraging
manner in which the people out this
way are emulating the famed example
of Chicago's good citizens. The case
in hand is another illustration. For
instance, Davenport legal gentleman
went out one evening last week to
have quiet game of billiards. He
stuck to his cue for several faithful
hours, convivalized with his friends
still longer, and then went home. On
retiring to rest, he was most singu.-
larly uneasy, and tossed about for
some time without dropping into that
peaceful slumber we usually derive
from clear conscience. His lady was
annoyed, and complained kindly. 1t
was no use, however. Something
drove sleep from his eyeIids.
At this juncture his lady was taken
suddenly and aiarmingly ill chow for
tunate he had remained awake) and he
was appealed to hasten off to the
nearest drug store inquest of a restora-
tive. He hastily attired himself,
double-quicked down street, rushed
into store, obtained the article SO
urgently required, and produced his
pocket-book to pay for it. Great
Caesar! What had transpired9 He
had never seen that wallet beforehand
the pants! they were not his own
Could it be possible he was in his right
mindq Was it not rather all a distem-
pered dream? He resolved to see, and
without stopping to take the remedy
with him, he rushed back to the wife
of his bosom. He did not flourish a
revolver. He did not smash furniture.
He did not strike attitudes like a
| gladiator. He simply took part in the
following conversation:
"Jane 2"
ayes, DEAR"
"How are you feeling"
"Better. Much better. l think a
good sleep is all I now need. How
kind of you to go to SO much trouble
every kind, wasn't it,"
every kind, honey"
i "Jane, shall l turn on the gas9"
"If you like, dear"
The gas was turned on.
"Janeqm
eyes, dear"
'tDo these look like my pantaloons p
| "Why, what can you mean, dear 2
"I mean, do these resemble the
trousers wore home this eveningf"
"Why, how can I tell, dear7" and
Jane raised up with some surprise and
reluctance, gave quick glance, and
screamed outright.
Husband" said she, with some en-
barrassment, "you've made ,ridicu
lous mistake somewhere, while out
with your friends. What in the worli
have you been doing tonight
"That's rather thin, Jane. We dom
usually take off our pants to play bill
lizards. When I went to bed, tonight
laid my proper pantaloons on tina
there chair. When dressed to 60 on
the pair 1 have on first fell in my way
l put them on; I discovered at TIN
store they were not mine. I returned
at once, and now find tho pair l lef
on the chair missing"
Jane began to sob, weep, and pro
test her innocence, while the husban,
paced tho floor in deep reflection.
"Jane," at last he said, II guess yo
can go homo to your parents to-mor
row. You and I have gotten alon!
very well for year or two, but tn
things played"
And down stairs no went with
deaf car to the frenzied appeals ant
prayers she showered after him. Al
investigation on the morrow disclose
the fact that the mysteriously procure'
pantaloons contains just $500 NOR,
than the pair that had SO mysteriousl.
. walked off. Jane left on the first trail
l for her Illinois home, bill of divorce
has been illd, and no one has called t
exchange pantaloons and pocketbooks
EThe chipping and singing Of th
y cricket and grasshopper are fire
8 quently spoken Of; but they do nc
! sing-they fiddle. By rubbing wing
O and legs togcther-such in q name
s peculiar to the species-these insect
r produce the sounds hic
t characterize them. :Perhar
Q our best insect instrumental peforme
= 30 tho Ss1,ofr1;1O Eooh xr;p~ M,