The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1872-03-02
A sssoak'' by Artcmus Ward.


The "Fat Contributor" in some recollec-
tons Of "Artemus Ward" tells the follow.
ing story:
In the spring Of 1859 accepted q prof.
fered editorial position on the Cleveland Ma
tional Democrat, and renewed my acquain:-
sncs with Artemus.
On the first evening Of my arrival he vol.
unteered to show me around-a very desirs.
ble Achievement, - was to fill the position Of
city editor. He "showed mo around" 50 sue
cessiully that abou: o'clock in the morning
began to feel almost as much at home 10
Cleveland As though had lived there all my
days, to say nothing of my nights. Artemus
invited m, to share his bed with him for the
remainder of the night, and accepted.
Adjoining the room lodged young profes-
sor Of elocution, Who was endeavoring to es-
tablish school in Cleveland. He was just
starting out in business, and was naturally
anxious to propitiate the press.
"Let's get the professor up said Artemus
land have him recite to u.s.
demonstrated with him, reminded him Of
the lateness of the hour that wasn't &C.
quainted with the professor, and that; but
10 no purpose.
''Hs is public man. said Ward. and pub.
lie men are glad to meet members II the
press, IS restaurants are supposed to get up
warm meals at all hours
He gave laundering rap on tho door as he
shouted
tProfcssor.r-r
"Who's there? What yer wantr cried q
mufled voice, evidently from beneath the bed
clothes, for il was q bitter cold night in Feb
ruary.
ut IL Thrown, of The Plaindsaler,' said
Artemus, and nudging me gently in the ribs
be Whispered
.'rhatll fetch him. The power of the press
il invincible. 1t is the Archimedian lever
Which
His remarks were interrupted BY the opon.
ing of the door, and could just discover the
dim outline Of . shifted form shivering in
the doorway.
excuse me far disturbing you, Professor, ;
said Artemus in his blaudest manner, but
am anxious tc introduce my friend here. the
new focal CT the Democrat. He has heard
much Of you, and declares positively he can't
20 to bed until he hears you elocute.'
'Hears me what 2 asked the professor 20.
tween his chattering teeth.
clears you elocute-recite-deola
rstand specimen of your elocutiou.'
In vain did the professor plead the lateness
o the hour, and his fire had gone out. Ar
remus would accep: no excuse.
'sNos at all necessary. Eloquencc, my dea,
boy, is not dependent on gas. lIeIe, straight
ening up chair he had just tumbled over
get right up on this chair and give us 9Th,
boy stood on the burning deck adding in
side WI isper in my ear, The burning decl
will warm him up
Gently, yet firmly. did Artenus boost tn
reluctant professor upon the chair, protesting
that no 'pologies were necessary for his ap
psarance, and assuring him that clothes didn'
make the man, although the shivering disci
pie of Demonthenes and Cicero probabl
thought that clothes would make man NOR
comfortable on such night as that.
He gave u 'Casabanca' with . good man
Quaver9 III tue voice, AZ ne STOOL quaklng
single short, white garment; and then fol
lowed: 'On Linden, when the sun was low
Sword Of Bunkerhill.' etc., etc, by particu
lar request Of our friend, as Artemus War
said, although was too nearly sufiocated vii
suppressed laughter to make even last d.
ing request had it been necessary. II va
too ludicrous to depict-the professor, an il
distinct white object. standing on the chat
selocuting,' as Ward mad it, and we sitting {
the floor, holding our sides while A. W. won
family whisper between his pauts Of mirt
justhear him.
Itwasu'tin Wards heart to have his fun
the expense of another without recompens
a. next day remembered he published
lengthy and entirely serious account of o.
visit to the professors Toon,-spoke of
wonderful powers as an elocutiouist-expIes
ed the satisfaction and delight with which
listened to his unequaled recitations. T
professor was overjoyed, and probably
ignorant to this day that Artemus was 'pla