Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1872-02-28
A &" Coax" by ArtemuS Ward.

lowing story:
"In the spring Of 1859 accepted
proFered editorial position on the Cley
land National Democrot. and renew,
my acquaintance with "Artemus."
On the first evening Of my arrival !
volunteered TO show me around-a yer
desirable achievement, as | was to I'll Il
position of city editor. He " showed m
around so successfully, that about tw
O'Clock in the morning | began to feel a
most as much at home in Cleaveland O
though had lived there all my days, t
say nothing Of my nigths. "Artomus
invited me to share bis bed with him 70
the remainder of the night, ard | accepted
Adjoining his room lodged yOunl
professor of eiocution, who was endeavor
ing to establish a school in Cleveland. He
was Just starting cut in business, and was
naturally anxious to propitiate the press.
Lets get the professor up. and have
him reclto for us"
l demonstrated with him, reminded
him Of The lateuess Of the hour, that |
wasn't acquainted with the professor and
all that but TO no purpose.
He is public man." said Ward,
land public men az glad 10 meet mem.
bers Of the press, as restaurants are sup
posed to get up warm meals, at all
hours"
He gave Numbering rap on the door
as he shouted - Profcssor-r-r ~
" Who's there? What yer want ?"
cried a muAied voice, evidently from be.
meath the bed-clohes, for it was a bitter
cold night in February.
4" Is is Brown, of the PlaindeaZer,"
said Artemus, and nudgng me gently in
the ribs, he whispered; "That'll fetch
him. The power of the press is invinci-
bic. It's the Archimcdvau lever which
His remarks we're interrupted by the
opening of the door, and | could just dis.
cover the dim outline Of shirted form
shivering in the doorway.
Excuse me for disturbing you, Pro-
iessOr," said Artemus, in his blandcst man
ner, g but | am anxious to introduce nv
friend here, the now local Of the Dem
Ocraf. He has heard much of you, and :
declares positively he can't go to bed un-
til he hears you elocute.' 3
Hears me what" asked the profes. '
5or, between his chattering teeth. t
" Hears you recitc-declaim I
understand ?--speciemen Of your clo. |
,ution."
In vain did the professor plead the
ateHess Of the hour, and his fire had O
zone out. Artemus would accept no ex. p
,use. o
Permit me, at least" urged the pro- a
essor, "to put on somn clothes and light Fl
he gas O.
Not at all necessary Eloquencc, my
lear boy, is not dependent on gas. Here" Of
up chair he had tumb. n,
ed over get up on this chair and give
S "Ihe boy stood on the burning deck" u
dding in side whisper in my ear, THE ia
urning deck will warm him up" tn
Gently, but firmly, did Artemus boost ca
ne reluctant professor upon the chair, hi
rotesting that no apologies were necess. I'll
ry for his appearance, and assuring him T.
lat clothes didn't make the man." m
Though the shiyerng disciple of De- to
'osthenes ond Cicero probably thought b.
othes would made man more comfor- no
lble on such night as that. al
He gave us Casa6inca," with
bod many quayers Of the voice, as he
God quaking, in a single short white tn,
lrnent; and then followed: "On Lin. ba
N, when the sun was low "Sword of
unker Hill" etc.. "by particular re-
lest OF our friend" as Artemus Ward mr.,
i'd, although ] was too nearly sufocated ev
til suppressed laughter to make even tel
ing request, had it been necessary. 1t dri
rs too ludicrous TO depict-the profes. ass
r an indistinct white object, standing the
a chair " elocuting" as Ward had il, bot
d VIC sitting on the floor, holding our de,
les, while A, W. would family whisper sur
tween his pangs of mirth, Just hear am
H."
1t wasn't in Wards heart to have his rid
at the expense of another without re- tict
npense; SO next day remembered, he ian
blished lengthy and entirely serious dut
'ount Of our visit to the professors sir.
ooin, spoke Of his wonderful powers as firm
elocutionist, and expressed the salts you
hon and delight with which we listen shal
t. his nnequalled Rotations" The md
fessor was oyerjoyed, and probably is d..
orant to this day that Artemus was 10
laying it on him