The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1872-08-09

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neighbors, / arose, and without stop
ping to dress, fastened to the door and
opened 1t, only to confront a tall and
and thin breasted female in spectacle
who was getting up club for the New
York Slasher. Forgetting The abbreyia
ted condition Of my apparel, i said
"certairly, madam, ] will subscribe
step in;" but just at that moment she
caught a fair view of me, and yelled
"police I" at the same time catchine
her foot in the door-scraper and fallins
backward down seven steps, screaming
murder and police at every breath, and
with her satchel and its contents strewn
around her. | slammed the door, ran
and jumped into the bed so suddenly
that my wife, who had dropped off to
sleep after the first alarm, awoke and
Joined her screams to those outside.
finally quieted her by stuffing a pillow
IN her mouth, but the children here set
IN with their yells, two hundred pound
policeman broke the front door in. and,
and-but why continue the tale of nv
woe.
Everything has been more quiet to.
day, and | would be perfectly happy if
those boots am trying to break in were
two sizes larger; but then Longfellov
says Into each life some rain must
fall" Angeline says she found the
cards of six sewing machine agents
showed in under the front door upon
her return from neighbors to day.
h ope these industrious members of so.
ciety do not contemplate raid on me
at present. have promised Angeline
first-class machine as soon as | can get
around to it, but that will not be for a
month vet.
If things keep on in this way shall
be compelled to leave Cleveland and
move out into the wilderness. The peo-
pie are too sociaole and business men
too energetic for me. The four insur.
ance agents, patent fence and wash
tub man, and six lightning rod men,
called&t the store to-day to see about
insuring, fencing, wash Tubing and
rodding me into state of happiness
and comfort. Mr.. Grinder, my em-
.ployer, said to me, You must not have
your friends visit you during business
hours, JONES'" which made me so vexed,
| SAID
To-day everything ran like c,ockwork
until | arrived at home, when l found a
team of dashing horses hitched to
couple Of dwarf pear trees in the front
yard, and bright red wagon filed with
ladders and things stood in the middle
of bed of fuchias and geraniums, a
bull dog Of the yellow variety and with
teeth like cross-cut saw, smiled at me
from the door step, while two men upon
the roof were Dusy tearing off shingles
and driving hooks into the chimney. |
made careful detour and entered my
house to find black whiskered chap,
smelling strongly of patchouly, leaning
lovingly over Angenna's shoulder, while
she--was engaged in practicing on a
sewing machine. "What in the name
of all that is cheeky does this mean p
said /. AhI' replied old Patchouly,
with leer at my wife, "your husband,
/ presume. The fact is sir, your wife
Ia devilish fine woman by the way has
decided to purchase one OF our double
treadle reversible needle warranted not
to rip ravel nor run down at the heel
sewing machines But Iforbear-why
repeat what followed?
Ny entry in this journal to-day will
be brief but to the point. | am wearing
a saddlerock oyster over my eye. An
gelina is in tears and in bed with
strong odor of camphor about her per-
son. But no back action double
treadle" sewing machine decks my
house, and were it not for the trampled
condition of my flower bed and few
displaced shingles on the roof, one
would never dream that two able bodied
lightning rod men had attempted to 60
through me yesterday. must organ
ize for war, however, on the Prussian
plan.
Peace exists in our household once
more. / have pacified Angelina on the
sewing machine question, and we have
formed AN allegiance for offensive pur
poses against all enemies to our peaceful
home and its happiness. A "small pox''
sign kept the agents away for two
days, but the milknnan and postman
also torsook us, and we were forced TO
take it down. Since then, by keeping
the doors doubly locked and using a
system of countersigns and raps when
members of the family desired ingress
or egress, the obtrusiye visitors were
kept at bay.
How little / thought, as l finished the
entry in my journal yesterday, that in
stead of seeing the last of my troubles,
they had not fairly commenced. Upon
arising yesterday morning l found a
benevolentlooking middle-aged gentle.
man sitting in my library chair reading
my morning paper. "How did you get
in this house ?" / exclaimed. Excu.e
me-" he replied, 81 borrowed ladder
and aecended to your chamber window
at daylight this morning, so as to be ON
hand and show TO you one OF the most
perfect lightning rods ever made" Here
he unscrewed the cane ne carried and
out dropped two sections of conduc-
tor" l pulled my "pepper-box" on
him here and he left by way OF win
dow. i then ordered the, blacksmith
to place iron bars before the windows.
Ny little boy awakened me this morn
ing by exclaiming, "Oh, papa, come
here to the window, there is a circus out
here, and l want to see the elephant"
did as requested, but what juvenile IN.
nocence had mistaken for "show "
was about a score of lightning rod
WAGONS, with the horses hitched to my
neTly-painfed picket fence. Reclining
on my green and grassy lawn were
forty.three lightning rod men, each
with q sample Of his wares IN one
hand, and tight-note in the other for
the unlucky victim to sign if he could
not pay cash. While ] was thinking
what to do up drove seven sewing ma.
chine men, eachwith machine strapped
In the hind of his wagon, and which
they commenced to unload shortly after
coming TO halt, A scuffiing sound