Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1872-03-28
OUR 4 PPETIZER.

- our iooking glass VIII tell You
wha, cone Of your friends will.
Dying, for love--coloriug your
mustache TO please woman.
A debt for which there is no at
,achment THE debt of nature.
Young ladies, like soldiers, but
most Of them would like a good offer.
sir.
If a termagant wife cuts her
nails every Monday, it is lucky--tor
her husband.
IF a man has great many debts,
are they every much to his credit 2"
A maa may be ashamed of the
fashion of his nose, although he
follows it.
The Kindness Of distant friends
is Ike the Polar sun too far rcmoy,
ed to warm us,
Let the slandercd lake comfort -
it is only NJ fruit trees that thieves
I tlroN STONES.
The young lady with speaking
eyes has made them quite hoarso by
over using them.
A good opportunity never waits.
II YOU are not ready some one else
will be.
Which is the worst place in the
world for rum hole. A mans face,
Mexico is said TO be Ike the
earth, because it has revelation
every twenty -four hours.
Where ought we always to find
the milk Of human kindness In the
pale Of the church.
The man WHO popped tho qnes.
ton by starlight got his swcethcarts
consent 10 n twInkhng,
Some ono describes n phllanthro.
pist as a man who loves all mankind
and ncglects his own family.
What three great authors would
n person name who witnessed the
Chicago fire Z? Dickens, Howi,t,
Burns.
We often omit the good wo
might do in consequence Of thinking
about that which is out Of our power
TO do,
A woman in New York, who has
lost three husbands, has placed their
yigncttes in group, with her own in
the center, and underneath, the hope
fuI Inscription; "The Lord will pro
/ vide"
A Montreal Indian wrote his
own cpitaph;
Here lies poor Johnny konkrpod
Have mercy on him, gracious God,
| He would on you, If be was God
Aud yol was Johnny kUukupod.
When an ilInaturcd man was
trying to pick a quarrel with peace
able man, the latter sa'd " never
had lnss except with but one man
he was buried at four o'clock it IL
| HON nan past lh'c''
A polite philosopher once thank
ed n lady who had been singing to a
party for an hour by the remark,
Madam, you have wasted our time
most charnngly.
On Western railway a bride is
said TO have handed her marriage
certificate to the conductor instead Of
her ticket, aud was horlified TO hear
that it was not good.
John G. SAKE ia responsible for
the following paraphrasc from Mar
| ual
Your nose and ycur eyes your father gave,
you say
Your mouth your graudsirc, and yonr
mother meek
/ YOur fine expression, tell mo now pray.
! Where IN the name Of heaven, you got
your check.
"A Clerk in n dry goods store re-.
tired, one night, having for his bed
fellow an acquaintance dating back to
school days. Oar informant slept in
the next room adjoining, the door of
which was partly open. In the mid
die Of the night he says he was awak
ened from sleep by hearing the clerk
in loud voice, excIaim, ' How many
yards did you say you wanted, marm2
| Three Yards enough?" and the next
thing heard tearing noise, and the
bcd.felow Of the clerk shonted out,
" What in the deuce are you doing? |
You have torn my shirt from top 10 |
bottom The poor dreamer imagin.
ed himself in his store waiting on a
lady customer who wanted three
yards Of calico.
How TO SPoL A GIRL TELL |
her she is little lady, aud must not
run; make her sun.bonuet a yard
too deep, to keep her from tanning.
% not let her play with her boy
cousins, "they are SO rude" Tell
her no, to speak loud, 1t is so mascu.
line and that loud laughing is quite
ungentee. Teach her music, but
never mind her spelling. Give her
earrings at six years of age. Teach
her to set her cap FOR the beaux at
eleven. And after your pains-aking,
it she does not grow up simpering,
unlefecting nobody. that cannot an