The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1872-10-24
LEvITIES.

A green grocer-One who trusts,
Educated on Sound basis-The
drummer.
To make good jam-Ask any horse
car conductor.
Though pawnbroker's shop is crowd
ed, it is always a lonesome place.
There is no harm in picking the pock-
ct of print-seller If he has pictures.
Why ought cocks to be the smoothest
birds known? Because they always have
a comb about them.
How to dress beats-A horsewhip il
a good thing TO dress beats. especially if
they are dead-beats.
Bung He'd, formerely of China, now
of San Francisco. is in the laundry bus
mess instead of being on the police.
An Irish paper advertises the follow
ing: Lost by gentleman white ter
rier dog except the head which is black"
An irritable man, who was disappointed
in his boots, threatened to eat up the
shoemaker, but compromised by drink
ing cobbler.
Some one called Richard Steele the
''vilest of mankind" He retorted, with
proud humility, sit would be a glorious
world if were.'
The Boston Post thus corteously re-
spends to request of the New York
Times for somebody to start lie: THE
editor is gentleman and a scholar"
1t is lucky that Louisville feet do not
stink In proportion to their size. Were
| 1t otherwise, the adjacent country, for
leagues around, would be uninhabitable.
They are saying all sorts of cruel things
about the intelligent mosquito, but no
one has yet accused him Of being fool
enough TO fill kerosene lamp while
lighted.
The Rochester Erpress having sug-
gested making list Of nice young men
who hang around church doors, the
Albany Journal proposes as an improve
ment to make funeral of them.
An editor once wrote: "We have re-
ceived a basket of strawberries from Mr..
| Smith, for which he will receive our
compliments some of which are four
inches in circumference.
The st. Louis Globe man thus epito-
miZes the prominent points of one of his
rising rival "pukes - IA St. Joe man
is so tall that he has to get on his knees
to scratch his head"
| Papa-I'm sorry to hear, though, my
dear boy, that you have failed again in
obtaining prize this quarter. You
must be very wooden-headed. Dear
Boy-Yes, pa, I'm afraid I'm chip of
the old block.
A young man named Alfred Young.
who made an unsuccessful attempt to
commit suicide at Virginia city on Sun
day week, left on his table note to a
friend as follows: Jim, if I die, lay me
quletely away and say nothing about it.
l have killed five men,"
A Chinaman in weatherville, CAL,
whose life was insured for large amount
was seriously hurt by falling from wa.
| gon. There was some doubt of his get.
ting better, and at length one of his
friends wrote to the insurance company
"Clarley half dead likes half money"
An amusing anecdote is told of King. the
actor, who met friend whose name he
had forgotten, and took him home to
| dinner. After several attempts to find
out his name, King said: 'My friend
and L have had dispute as to how you
spell your name indeed, we have laid
a bottle of wine on it" "Oh, with two
p's" was the answer.
.'What makes your horse so slow p
asked tourist one day in the glen of the
Downs, Ireland, of his Celtic Jehu.
Its out of Inspect to the bayutiful san.
cry yer honor. He wants We to see il
all. An, thin, he's an intelligent haste
and appreciates good company, an wants
to kape the likes O. We in beloved ould
Ireland as long as he can"
In certain school the geography
class was called up to parse examination
| before the committee man, the question
were asked about St. Helena and the
grave there of Napoleon Bonaparte.
Where has he been since intombed pr
was the next question. I'm Paris, with
| great pomp,' answered the pupil, very
readily, and in the exact words ofthe book.
Right; and what do you understand
by great pomp?'" asked the com
mittee man. "A big niger |" respond
ed the youth and then, observing a
surprised expression creeping over the
faces of the listeners, he added: II
s,,pose they buried him with one of his
| old slaves