St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1872-05-10
Humorous.

10 Said Detroit lady to a gentle
man of that city, You are not a musi-
clan. believe NO" said he: "If
were the proprietor of hand organ,
SET expressly to play old Hundred
! couldn't get over seventy five out of
it
a country editor complained to
old Dr. Routh that he only received five
pounds Tor preaching certain sermon
at Oxford. Five pounds :" said the
doctor; "why | wouldn't have preach
ed that sermon for fifty pounds.'
Col. G.. was very fat, and being a
bankrupt, was met by one of his credi-
tors with IL How do you do, Colonel 7"
''Pretty well you see hold my own
yet. YES" said the other, land mine
too. to my SORROW
y So says the Savannah NeiUS: rs.
I. Ringgold: Your .Sonnit to Violet
Is good, but it is an invariable rule
among newspapers to publish no orig
nal poetry unless it is paid for in ad
vance. The idea OF making 'heifer'
rhyme to zephyr is something unique,
and would no doubt make a sensation
Our usual price for original poetry is
eight dollars il line. but, as there are ex-
tcnuating circumstances in your favor,
we will print yours for seven and half.
We have unsurpassed facilities for do
ing this kind of work.
SCHooLMAsTER AND PUPIL.-The fol-
lowing occurred in school not hun
drcd miles from London: Teacher
What part of speech is the word egg ?"
Boy (he>itatimg) Noun, sir."-Teach-
cr-"W hat is its gender ?" Boy (per-
pleXed d-"Can't tell, sir" Teacher
''Is it masculine. feminine. or neuter ?"
Boy docking sharp say, sir,
till its hatchcd." Teacher-"Well,
then. my lad, can you tell me the case ?"
Boy (quickly y-"Oh, yes, it's the shell,
sir"
- Robert Simson, who was IA very
absent minded man or absorbed with
his studies, used to sit at his open win
dow on the ground floor, as deep in
geometry as ii Robert SimsOn ought to
he. There he would he accosted by
beggdr; he would rouse himself, hear a
few words of the story, make his dOna-
ton. and dive. Some wags one day
stopped Il memdicant on his way to the
window with. "Now do as we tell YOU,
and You will get something from that
gentleman, and Il shilling from lis be-
sides. He will ask You who you are,
and You will say. Robert SimsOn. son of
John Simson. of Kirtonhill." The man
did as he was told. SimsOn gave him
a coin, und dropped off. He soon
reused himself and said, "Robert Sim
son son of John Simson. of kirtOnhill
why. that is myself. That man must
he an impostor
"a The Troy Wing hears of New
York soldier, who during the war was
shot through the body. The bullet on
its way carried gold pen and silver
pencil case with it. and left them some
where in the body in scattered condi-
ton. Now comes the extraordinary
part of the story: About six months
ago he had Il great pain i'll his left leg,
and it was stiff for a month. In foOling
around his heel one day ne felt some
thing hard he commenced to pull at it,
and he dragged from the heel Il crow
bar three feet in length Shortly after
ward Il twelve-inch telescope issued
from his arm pit. And ever since that
time every day or two some handsome
piece of mechanism has issued from
his body. On last Friday twenty silver
half dollars We're taken from the first
joint of his left arm. Some of his
friends talk of killing him to find out if
he hasn't ii machine shop, Il iewelry
store and silver mine hid away in
him Sompwh here