The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1872-08-31
The Deaf Wife and Deaf Aunt.

evil genius prompted the wickedness which
perpetrated towards ray wife and ancient rela.
tive.
MY DEAR" said to my wife the day before
my aunt's arrival, ''you know Aunt Marys COM
ing tomorrow; well, i forgot to mention "a very
annoying circumstance in regard to her"
"She is very desf-and although she can hear
my voice to which she is accustomed, in its ordi-
nary tone, yet you will be obliged to speak ex-
tremely loud in order to be heard. 1t will be
rather inconvenient, but know you will do ev-
cry thing In your power to entertain her and
make her stay pleasant"
l then went to John T, who loves a good
joke as we'll as anybody know Of, told him to
be at my house at six O'clock on the following
evening, aud felt comparatively happy.
l went to the railroad with u carriage next
night, and when 1 was on my way home with
my aunt said-
MY dear aunt, there is one Father annoying
infrmity that Anna (my wife) has, which for
got to mention before She is very deaf; al
though she can hear my voice, to which she is
accustomed, in its ordinary tone, yet you will be
obliged to speak extremely loud in order to be
heard. l am very sorry that it is go.
Aunt Mary. in the goodness Of her heart, pro.
tested that she rather liked speaking loud, and
that to do SO would give her great pleasure.
l handed out my aunt-she assembled the
steps.
II am delighted to see youw shrieked my
wife, and the policeman on the opposite side
walk started, and my aunt nearly fell down the
steps.
"Kiss me, DEAR" howled my aunt; and the
hall lamp clattered and the windows shook with
the fever and ague-I looked out of the window
John had disappeared Human nature could
stand it no longer. poked my head into the
carriage and went into commissions.
Whep I nj no 60
helping Aunt Mary to take off her hat and cape,
and there sat John with his long face of woe
Suddenly, did you have pleasant journey ?"
went off my wife like pistol, and John f
nearly jumped to his feet.
"Rather dusty" was the response in II war.
hoop, SO the conversation continued. The neigh.
bors for blocks around must have heard it when
was in the third story of the building heard
every word very plainly.
In the course of the evening my Aunt took
occasion to say to me-
"How loud your wife speaks-don't it hurt
herr"
told her that all deaf persons spoke loudly,
and that my wife was not affected by the exer.
ton, and that Aunt Mary was getting along
finely with her.
Presently my wife said softly
"Alf. how very loud your aunt talks"
EYES," said I, "all deaf persons do You are
getting along finely; she hears every word you
say And rather think she did.
Elated by her success st being understood,
they went at it hammer and tongs, until every.
thing on the mantlepiece ratified again, and |
was seriously afraid of crowd collecting in
front of our house. But the end was near. NV
aunt being Of an investigating turn of mind, was
desirous Of finding out whether the exertion of
talking so loud was not injurious to my wife so
inquired:
Doesn't talking SO loud strain your lungs?"
not as musical as it was when she was young.
1T is an exertlon," shrieked my wife.
Then why do you do it," was the answer
"Because-because-you can't hear If don't :"
squealed my wife.
What" my aunt fairly rivalling an engine
whistle this time
began to think of evacuating the premises,
and looking around and seeing John gone,
stepped into the parlor, and there he lay fiat on
his back rolling from side to side, with his fists
poked into his ribs and most agonizng expires.
sion of countenance, but not utterlng d word.
immediately aud voluntarily assumed a similar
attitude, and l think from the relative position
OF our head and boots, and our endeavor to re.
strain cur laughter, nppoplexy must have incvi-
taoly ensued 1t ii horrible grOan to which John
gave vent had not betrayed our hiding place.
In rushed my wife and my aunt, who by this
time comprehended the joke, and such q scold-
Ing AZ then got never got before, and hope
never to get again.
know not what the eud might have been if
John, in his endeavors to appear respectful and
sympathetic, had not given vent to such dia.
bolic noise, something like horse.laugh, that
all gravity was upset, and we all screamed in
concert.