davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24
A MODEL LAWYER

squire johnson was model lawyer, as
the following auecdoie will show:
Jones once rushed into the 'Squire's Of.
lice IN a great passion aud sad: that III,
iernal scoundrcl Of cobler, Smith has
sued me Coz five dollars for pair 0,
boo,s'
Then you owe him Eve dollars"
TO be sure do, but he's gone and
sued me-sued me-"
Then why don't you pay him if you
owe him!'
because hes sued mo, when man
does that III never pay him till it costs
him more than he gets. | want you to
make it cost him all you eau
But it will cost you something 100"
IL don't care for that, What do you
lien dollars, and more il there's much
extra trouble"
"All right. There's the y. Now 60
ahead
No sooner was his client gone than Squire
johnson stepped across to Ills neishbor
Smith, aud Offered to pay the bill on con-
diiion that the suit should be Withdrawn.
The shoemaker gladly acccpted-all he
wanted was his pay. The lawyer retain
the other five for bis fee, aud as the case
vas not troublesome he made TO demand
upon his client.
Ten days after, Jones came to see how
bis case was getting on.
"All right said the lawyer; you
won't have any trouble about that put
it to Smith SO strongly that he vas glad
to withdraw the suit altogether"
"Capital!' cried the exuIsing Jones,
"You have done it brown. You shall
have all my business hereafter.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

10 court man who was called on 10
appear as witness could not be found :
On the Judge asking where be was. an
eldercly gentleman rose up and with much
emphasis said: Your Honor, he'sgone "
Gone, gone, said the judge, where is
be gomez" THAT | can not inform YOU"
replied the communicative gentleman. "but
he's dead /" This is considered the most
guarded answer on record
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24
PAT AND THE PIG.

A coantryman having killed pig, aud
not wishing to divide with bis neighbors,
ms was the custom in That country, said to
bis man, (vbo BY the way, was son Of
thu Emerald lsle.)
'Pnt, t. give the neigLbOrs who have
given to me, piece Of my pork I'll have
none left for myself. Can you tell me
what lam to dor
BE dad sir, said Pat. ITS myself
that eau do the same thing
Good says the counirymau, rubbing
his hands ard looking a, Pat Now tell
me what | can do
Faith, sir, said Pat, "sure when the
crayter is cleaned. Just be after hanging it
against the door where livery mi'her's son
of thin will see il;and early in the morn
ing, before any one is about, get up and
take 10 sour pig. and hide itaway. Thin,
when your neiglbors come, just be after
telling them the pig was stolo."
Capital idea, Pat exclaimed the
countyman; "l'll do it, byS, George"
So, when The pig was cleaned, ii was
hung up outside the door, so thu, the
neighbors might sec it The countryman
anxlously awaited the approaching night.
and at last retired to bed, but not to sleep.
Pat under cover Of toe darkness Of the
night, crept around the house aud stole
the pig.
What was the establishment OF the coun.
tryman, when at early dawn he arose to
hide away his pig, but found no pig there,
it can be better imagined than described
In the midst oil his bcwiIdcrment. Pat
came IL with his usual TOP o the morn
ing to ye, sir and giving him a knowing
wink, .al:
"Nlasthcr, how about the pis?'
"Well, pat the pig WINS stolen in rcali.
y."
Faith, and that sounds as natural as il
you had lost yer pig"
but, you blockhcad, | tell you the
pig was stolen"
Faith, aud be CORY. masthcr, the
devil bit o me thought that you could
do so well. Jus! stick to that, It's as nat.
ural as life."
by St. George" roared the now irate
conntryuau: Il tell you the pig was s,o.
len
"Ocbe! be jabbers," says Pat, "stick to
it and your uelghbors will behave you.
aud davil BIT of it they'll get Faith,
didn't think you could do 50 we'll"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

An editor says bis ancestors have been
in the habit Of living hundred years
His opponent responds by saying that
THAT was before tue introduction Of CAPT.
tai punishment"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24
III EST VIRGINIA UNIVERSITY
lS71.72.

The last Catalogue shows an attendance Of
Ill Students at this Institution. Five distinct
Departments Of Instruction with full corps
Of competent Professors.
The Ancient and Modern Languages Mathe-
mates, pure and applied; Logic, Rhetoric, the
Sciences, DC. &c, carefully and thoroughly
taught. Practical Chemistry, and Physics,
illustrated BY appropriate apparatus. Special
advantages for hr study of Geology.
A good Library, Extensive Cabinets Of Min.
eralogy, Geology and Conchoosy. together
with many specimens in other departments Of
Natural History. Fine buildings; beautiful
and healthy location, good society
FALL TERN begins September 9Th Winter
December 9TH Spring, M,rch 9th. Com.
mrpcement. June Goth.
Boarding from 81 to 81 r:r week.
Tuition. from SIS to k2i per year.
For further particulars, inquire Of
ALEX MARTIN. President
Morgan!own, Vest Va,
aug. s-ly.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

A COW 'respassed 90 the croque, grounds
attached to female academy at Versailles
last week Instead Of throwing stones at
her aud rcmarkiug "Whoosh you horrid
beast the girls jus'male Dolly Warden
Of some olatiu caus, fastened ito her mar.
Tatvc aud babe her farewell
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

Copper-toed fans are sold for the benefit
ofyoung ladies who have no one to love,
and who chew the s,ufiug out of any 9th.
er kind in Que evening, when hope is il
progress.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

A Man from the country, whose wife
had eloped aud carried off the feather bed,
was 10 search Of them, not tina. be cared
aDythit about bis w,fe, "but the feath.
ers," said be, "theu's worth dollar a
pound
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

A Connecticut school boy stated that
the Father Of his Country" was Brigham
Young, aud Brigham is the father Of moe
Of 1t than any other one man.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

OrDilhologists have often wondered that
birds are not melancholy in the morning,
as their little bills are then all over dew.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

Says the Norristowu Herald" A poet
asks, "Whcre are the dead? the vanished
dead, who trod the earth lha. now We
tread!' live we're to make a random guess
we should say that most of them were
buried though this may not be the right
answer"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

A Printer recently made BE ie There
fore S.eajias,," the text of minister's
sermon, BE Ye There for Breakfast
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

A thick headed squire being wors,cd BY
Sydney Smith in au argument took his re.
veuge by csclaming, If | had son who
was an IDIOT, By Jove, Id make him a
pa'2on" very probably, replied Sydney;
but see your father was of a different mind.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

But one false step, one wrong habit, one
corrupt companion, one loose principle, may
wreck all your prospects, and all the hopes
of those who love, honor and regard YOU
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

If flowers do not mature we'll, they NAV
be made u do so by placing half an inch
Of powdered charcoal on the earth in posts
Another authority asserts that solution
or suspension of white hclleborc in watel
nay he used with great advantage in de
stroying the insects that infest so many
towering plants A fair friend has tried
the experiment with success, and reports
that i the bugs sneczod rs she did, it was
10 wonder that they I,st their lives.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

An Ohio lady who is an admrcr Of "0ld
Honesty" SAID she 'knowcd Mister Gree.
ley the minute she seed him. for he hadn t
changed a bit since he had his picture ia.
ken for them fans"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

Young ladies now have their monograms
embroidered on the instep Of their boot.
ines,
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

10 Paris all kinds, of plai's. tresses, and
curls are to be Abandoned by ladies', and
the hair is to be worn in short, crisp cnrls
all over the head.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

A lady says that men as a rule, regard
their wives as angels for just two months
namely, month before marrying her
aud a month after burying her.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

Politeuess in business is what stratagcm is
in war. ltgives power to weakness; it sup.
plies great DEFICIENCIES. It's iuviuciblc,
either in attack or defence.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

"Wifc," said a man, looking for bis
boot-jack Il have places where ! keep my
things and you ought to know it. "Yes |
ought TO know where you keep your late
hours, but DON'T
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

\ Terrc llaute wOman's pet puppy re.
Gently swallowed diamond ring on her
finger while she was feeding him lie
was considerably "cut up" about i, after.
wards.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

A good colerel deacon was praying for
the recovery ola sick sister, and ended in
this way: "Oh' lord help her. Oh! Lord,
make her we'll. Oh. Lord it you cannot
make her well, then, Oh. Lord help her to
grin aud bear it y
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

A fellow who has actually tried it says,
that, although there are three scruplcs in
a dram, the more drains you take the less
scruplcs you will bayo.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

An idle brain is the devils vork.shop
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

An ornithologist wants to know what
sort Of eagles flies the highest Golden
eagles dy the fastest. We are sure Of that.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

A Richmond man has worn the same
pair Of LINEN trousers forty.ninc summers.
They have been in style seven times.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

CAPITAL, $lG5,0OO
Takes Risks at the lowest rates, on Buildings
of all kinds, Furniture, Household Goods,
Merchandise, aud Goods in transit.
Directors:
Jacob Hornbrook, VIM + Stevenson,
Henry Hartman, Jacob NJ. Bckel,
Jonathan Rowley, DR.. j. G. Hupp,
r. Smyth, Edmund Bucking,
J. d. Brislor, IT,. Campbell,
Vim B 0dbcrt S Prayer,
D. D. 7. Farnsworth, Thomas Borgess.,
David Bllmyer, VIM. B Crane,
VIM. R. White, Joseph Shields,
|. H. Duval, N. GoH,lr
D H K Dix.
u This Company is owned and manacec
b, many of our most wealthy and inAurntia
Merchants and Citizens throughout the State
Their Office has been opened in No. 2al Mon
roe street. over Religious Book House, and il
fally organized and prepared to take risks OF
Frame aud Brick Buildings, Manufacturing
Establishments, Stocks Of Merchandise, House
hold Furniture, and Cargoes upon the Western
Rivers, &c.
JACOB HORNBROOK. Pres't.
JACOB NJ. BICKEL. Vice Pres't.
}. h. WILLIAMS, Secretary,
S. B. McC0LLOUH, Asst Sec'y,
Office owe! Religious Book House, South sid,
/ Monroe street.
SlSSON & SHREWSBURY, Agents Poin
Pleasant, " Va Office in the Court House.
LEMUEL HARP0LD, Agent, West Colum
bia, West Virginia. Ijune 9-lY
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24
A Yunng man Idle, an old man needy
Let no one overload you with fayors.
you will find it an insnfferable burden.


Let no one overload you with fayors,
you will find it an nsniferable burden.
no Man can avoid MS own cpmpany, 50
be had better make i, as good as possible.
Ii motives were always visible. men
would often blush for the most brilliant &C.
tons.
-----------
California is raising her second lemon
crop this season
How to get lady to show her feet
Praise the foo, Of some one else.
Out of 900 German votes in San Fran.
cisco, only eighteen would sign call for a
German Grant meeting.
An ornitholoeist wants to know what
sort Of eagles flies the highest Golden
easlesay the fastest, We are sure Of that
10 Paris all kinds,of plaits. iresses, and
curls are to be abauedoncd by ladies', and
the hair is to be worn in short, crisp cnrls
all over the head.
"Wifc," said man, looking for bis
hoot,jack II have places where ] keep my
things and you ought to know it. "Yes |
ought TO know where you keep your late
hours, but don't
A Chinese poem. written upward of
2OOO years ago, is said to prove America
vas known to the Cinnamon Of that day.
You run no risk by pouring oil out of u
can into your stove il you have 20 Gre in
it. Another safe way is to have no oil in
The can.
A fellow who has actually tried il says,
that, although there are three scrnples in
dram, the more drains you take the less
scruplcs You will bnyo.
Who are the most DISCONTINUED of all
tradesmcn! Blacksm,hs; for their bellows
and blows arc always going, and they are
striking for wages all the year round.
Il cant drink liquor said Bob; ii.
goes right to my head WELL" said
Bob's friend, where could it 60 with less
danger of being crowded"
In tearing down a barn in the eastern
part of Pennsylvania a few weeks ago, the
tracks made by a barefoo'cl boy when tue
barn was built, six,y.two years before,
ware still distinctly visible on some of the
boards beneath the roof, shape Of the foot
prints of the toes, and everything.
A Richmond man has worn the same
pair Of |innen trousers forty.uinc summers.
They have been in style seven times.
\ Teuc Haute wOma"'s pet puppy re.
Gently swallowed diamond ring on her
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

Who are the most disconnected of all
tradesmcn? Blacksmi,hs; for their bellows
and blows arc always going, and they are
striking for wages all the year round.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

You run no risk by pouring oil out of a
can into your stove il you have 20 Gre in
it Another safe way is to have no oil in
The can.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

Il can, drink liquor said Bob; "is
goes right to my head Well" said
Bob's friend, where could it g. with less
danger Of being crowded"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

No Man can avoid MS own company, so
be had better make i, as good as possible.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

A Chinese poem. written upward of
2OOO years ago, is said to prove America
vas known to the Cinnamon Of that day
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

Out of, 900 German votes in San Fran.
cisco, only eighteen would sign call for a
German Grant meeting,
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

II motives were always visible, men
would often blush for the most brilliant &C.
tons.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

California is raising her second lemon
crop this season
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1872-10-24

How to gct lady to show her feet
Praise the foo, Of some one else.
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1872-11-02

a new stimulant has been invented in
England whose growing use is exciting
considerable alarm. The stuff consists
Of mixture of naphtha and ether, an
it produces a kind Of intoxicntion which
its admirers find highly agreeable. No
check can be put on the consump,i m of
the fluid, for the reason that it is not
sold under the name of any cxcisabe
spirit and apparently an act of Parli-
ment will have TO be devised to meet the
difficulty.
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1872-11-02
a Love Story OF Lexington Coun.
ty.

The Augusta Constitutionalist of the
30th ultimo says:
Monday afternoon the police authori.
ties received a dispatch from A. e.
hcnt, at Summit Point, Lexington
County, S. c., sitting that DR.. A. Tay-
,lor had committed breach of trust at
that place; that he would reach Angus
ia by the train on the Charlotte.
Columbia and Augusta Railroad,
due at 2 o'clock, and requesting that he
be arrested Immediately upon his arrival.
In compliance with the request, Taylor
was arrested when the train came in
ana detained to await the arrival of
Kent, who had also stated in his dis.
patch that he would follow on after
Taylor and reach Augusta Tuesday
evening. Taylor had in his possession
when arrested two guns, both heavily
charged, loaded revolver, and a large
sum OF money IN currency and silver
coin. His story is that some time since
he was engaged to young lady at
Mount Summit, for whom he was also
guardian. Everything went as merry
as a marriage bell, and nothing disturbed
the course of true love until n Northern
man named n. f.. Kent made his
appearance and set up a store IN the
place where lived the afIianced pair.
* cnt Immediately laid scige to the heart
of the young lady, aid finally succeed
cd in winning her affections and inducing
her to break off fhcrcngagemcntw with Tay-
lor. lie cthcn-according to Taylors's state
meut-madc demand upon tn, reec.
ted lover for the property which the lat
ter held as guardian for the young lady.
Taylor refused to compy with the dc
mand. and discovering the measures were
being taken foe his arrest, he left for
Augusta, taking with him the money
mentioned above. This money, Taylor
states. belongs to the young lady, and is
held By him as her guardian, Ho s.ys
that should he give it up to Kent, he
would by law, be rcspQnsihleto his ward
for it and that he left Carolina in order
to prevent Kent's taking it from him by
force.
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1872-11-02

state. 80 many successes have made US
careless, and we lcok with contempt up-
on the efforts of the Democracy to beat
us. Now this is eminently foolish on
our part. We rest too secure. OF course
the Democracy as Party so far as this
State is concerned, is "dead, dcfunct,
gone up" but still it has power, and
that power thrown into the scale, will
do considerable damage. This is what
we must prepare for. LooN how the
Democrats have carried, Greenville.
Horny, Fairfield and other
counties, and how was IL accomplished 2
Simply by their coalition with the
"Bo!ters." They threw their power with
one side Of the Republican split and
gained victory. Let us then, Rcpub,
licans, wake up to a realizing sense Of
our position, let us on TIE 5th of Novem-
bHr turn out en- n'nssc, and poll rousing
vote for GRAFT and Wilson. We must
make old South Carolina bitter pill
for Horace Greeley to swallow. We
must in word win, let come what may
If Greeley is victorious, the Democracy
will virtually rule us Every Federal
officer in the State will be a Democrat,
and then, we will feel the penalty
resulting from inactivity; we will know
how bitter a thing it is to be defeated.
and ourselves enly will be to blame.
Work, then, Republicans, and display
the energy and perseverance, Of Hercules
fight it cut if it takes until eternity, and
when we have finished our work. have
elected General Gran for another four
years, tie" we cdn rest upon our shields
and Planting our spears into the earth
exclaim. 81 as hare peace"
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1872-11-02
l.SO
ALSO
CIR A NGEBTRG COUNTY,
IN COMMON PLEAS.

Joseph Fiekli5ng, Bill for Account,
Adm'r ct. al. Marshaling Assets.
vs. Injunction and Re-
Mary r. Tyler, ct.nl lief.
BY virtue of the Judgment of the Court
herein, | will sell at Orangcburg Court
House. on Monday, the 4th LAY OF Novem-
ber, 1872. during the legal hours of sale
] The remainder (aftcr the determination
Of Mrs. Mary Tylcr's Estare of Dower) in
ll9 acres, more or less, bounded North and
West hy other lands Of the intcstate ID. S.
Tyler. East by lands of Lewis Garick, and
South by lands of q. W. Kittrcll.
Track of so acres. more or less, bounded
by dover tract AMI lands below described,
ana by lands of Lewis Garick.
Tract Of 100 acres more or less, bound
ed by the two tracts above described, and by
lands of Marion Cue c. Bowling and j. W.
Reel.
Plats of the above tracts arc attached to
the judgment roll, from n Surveyor j. J. .
Getsingcr, Serveyer, dated July 22, 1869.
Tcrms: One-half cash, the balance on
credit of one year, Secured by bond of
purchaser bearing interest from day of Sale
and mortgage OF the premises purchased,
containing covenant for resale in case of
breach of bond. purchaser TO pay for paper
stamps and recording.
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1872-11-02

TunrENTINE For SNAKE BITEs.-
The turrcntine should to put in a bottle
and the mouth being placed over he
spot, the liquid is brought directly in
contact with the wound by inverting the
bottle 1t should be held there until
relief is "btainel. A complete allcvia.
ton Of pain has been known to ensue in
less than On artcr of an hour.
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1872-11-02
FOR 8 ALE!
SIN HUNDRED ACRES OF
GOOD
COTTON AND CORN LAND.

Situated on the Old Charleston Road, the
Branchyille Road ami the South Carolina
Rail Road, one and n quarter miles below
the THRIVING TOWN of ORANGEBuRG.
Will be sold at private Sale in Lots to suit
Purchasers.
These Lands are High. Healthy, well
Watered and Timbered, and have beautiful
Sights for Residences. Convenient in every
way to Orangeburg, Columbia, Charleston
and Augusta.
Persons r want Of suck Locations will
please make application to the undersigned
vii hin thirty days from date. If not sold
at private sale by that date, these Lands
will be sub-diyided and sold at public out
cry. THAD. c. ANDREWS.
oct 10 n
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1872-11-02

II you feel dull, drowsy, debilitntcd,
have frequent headaches. mouth taste bad
poor appetite and tongue coated, you are
suffering from TORPID Fiver or bilious
ness" and nothing will cure you SO spec.
Oily and permanently as DR.. Pierce
Golden Medical Discovery Sold by all
druggists.
y DEMGHTFuL SuRpR lsE-Ladies
whose faces are cloudcd by supcrfca
d!scoloratioDs and who have resolved to
try Hagan's MagnoliaBalm as a remedy,
have n1 idea of the surprise they will re-
ccye from their mirrors after "A few an.
plications Of that heallhful purifier of the
complexion. If at all excitable the"
will scream with rapture on behoiing
the change; whether the blcmish it is de
sired to remove be sallowness, botches.
pimpes, freckles. roughncss, or an un:
natural palor, it is bound tn disappear
under the tonic operation of this won
dcrful agent To say that the blemish
disappears, does not, however, convey
any idea of the effect produced by this
celebrated beautifier. The unsightly
tinSe, whether difuscd over the whole
countenauce OF in spots, or patches, is re-
placed bp uniform, pearly bloom, to
which no description can do Justice