The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1872-03-01
PLAIN DEALER,

VAOusA' .af-"a~ Aas x a.
An old lady says Of a certain prom
pous clergyman that he seems filed
with the divine inAaters.
"Hoopenkoff whoopmeup viski
Kawktalo" was the only reply made by
the Duke while in indianapolis. -
At leap-year sale Of old bachelors at
Southville, Ala. recently, quotations
were low. -.p .- ...a...
Two Of Darwin's sons have been on a
visit to the Yosemite. 1t is said the
monkeys recognized them at once, and
asked kindly after their father. ILL.,.
Your Dress" said husband to his
fashionable wife, "will never please the
men. =" II don't dress to please mcr,"
was the reply, .'but to worry Their
women" " .-@@' ~
An exchange makes the eloquent re-
mark that /. 'sthe Radical party has
bankrupted the Government" It
omitted to add, that Grant has appoin-.
ted himself receiver. 49,.
A gentleman in Cleveland has been
making experiments in extinguishing
the flames of petroleum, and has found
that sand and aqua ammonia extingu;sh
them. So ..s.. s@- 20. -
would say to all young men, marry
your second wife first, ard keep out of
debt by all means, even if you have to
borrow the money to do it.
Mrs. Darlington mentions the case Of
minister who had ''servel the Lord
for thirty years, fist as circus rider,
then as locust preacher, and last as an
exhaustcr.
In an article on recent fair in that
city, the editor Of a Macon paper, sa
a brother editor, took a valuable PFC
MUM. but an unkinl policeman made
him put it right back where he took it
from.
Somebody has invented bung5oie
for beer barrels to prevent reycnue
frauds: There is but one sort OF hole
that will etIectuaIly prevent frau&s
under the present Administration, and
that was invented when the first man
4 was buried. - ." k.a
The Smiths had dilner at Pitts
burgh On New Years Day. The lis.
toast was, ''pocahontas; Heaven bless
her for saving the Smiths to this coun-
try!' ..-
Democracy is liberty regulated b.
law; Radicalisin is despot.sm enforced
by the sword: Repuhlicism (modern)
is a cross between Democracy and Rad
icalism,a having few of the virtues OF
the former and many Of the vices Of til e
latter. -@ $3.50 @."s ..-
Honest and courageous people have
very little to say about their courage Or
their honesty. The sun has no need to
boast Of its brightness, or the moon Of
it's eifulgcncy. '%" s@@es "a..a
'sCorrect likeness of yourself sent, and
your fortune told Young Gleeney,
in answer to the above advertisement,
receives iookingglass, and is informed
that he can tell his own fortune by
counting his money <* q
"A raii. Of bird dogs at Red Wing
haze proved their sgamo' qualities by
slaughtering all the chickens in the
nelghborhooi and s.settin'' bad ex-
ample to less favored canines. # s
A Southern paper, having discussed
the question propounded by a New
York paper, "shall the next President
Of the United States be a woman"
concludes as follows: eve nominated
Powers Greek Sieve S Lhas three
OF the qualifications, at least, marble
brow, a Gnely-chiselcd nose, and
silent tongue" aes% tE{l t5
VIII tell. III Chicago, a man can
thrash mother-in-law, under recent
decision, for seyenty-fve dollars. Last
week young man in Rockport, Mo-,
| undertook to do it for nothing. She
was very healthy women. When he
RECEIVERS sufficiently he will tell how il
was done.
A somewhat juvelinc dandy said to a
fair partner at ball Don't you thinf,
Miss. my mustaches are becoming:
TO which she replied: "Well, sir, they
may be coming, but they have not yet
arrived"
The Danhury News says: "Thoy are
feeling people, these Bridgeport people
40 Aglu;,.. ,,; T., Nv, Tho floooocad "a