The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1872-08-22
All Sorts Of Paragraphs.

- Why Is q muH like 1OOll because IL
holds q lady's hand without squeezing it,
= The General who now occupies the White
House will next November be reduced to the
grade Of left-tenant.
Women are accused of being weak crea-
tures-it takes q whole neighborhood of them
to keep secret.
while sunlight is the most favorable to
haymaking, it is a well-known fact that wild
oats are best sown by moonlight.
Josh Billings says: Don't work before
breakfast. If it is necessary to toll before
breakfast, eat your breakfast first"
= There is a delightful spot near Detroit
called Hamtrameck, but stranger broke his
neck the other day in trying to pronounce 1t.
The man who never told an editor how he
could better his paper, has gone out West to
marry the woman that never looked into look
ing-glass. ., g.,
- If lemons are placed in jar filled with
water, and the water renewed every day or two,
they will keep fresh and sound for several
weeks.
= Josh Billings says he never knew dog of
any breed whatsumever to take hydertoby after
he had been thoroughly yaccinated with buck
shot.
"A sign pinned to shirt at the door of
clothing store bears this inscription: "Would
YOU be without a shirt for seyenty-fve cents !"
We repeat the inquiry, would yoa?
Goats are profitable to farmers, if for no
other purpose than clearing the land OF nox- o.;
ious weeds, which they will dcYour with avidi-
ty in all stages of their growth.
When you have lost money in the street
every one is ready to help you look for it; but
when you have lost your character every one
leaves YOU to recover it as best you can.
- 1t is not good plan, after you have dry
en- nail in a sure place, instead of just cllnch-
ing and leaving it, to keep hammering away
till YOU break the head off or split the board.
. "How wonderful" exclaims some un-
known philosopher, care the laws governing
human existence Were it not for tight-lacing
all civilized countries would be overrun with
women"
Lemons, sprinkled with loaf sugar, com
pletely allay feversh thirst and are, therefore,
Invaluable in o sick room. Invalids with te-
verishness, can safely consume two or three
lemons day.
-"I want to know" said a creditor fercely,
"when you are going to pay me what you owe
me-" "When I'm going to pay you? why,
you're pretty fellow. Do you take me Tor a
prophet 2" ,...,.
{ ! The majority of women care but little
about suffrage, If the back of car seats could
only be followed so as to admit of their bus
ties tapping over, the ballot might go to thun-
der for what they care.
As a gentleman was telling his friend that
a mutual acquaintance was sent to Jail TOR gross
intoxication, he was asked why he did not bail
him out. dBail him out" he replied, "why
you could not pump him out" -
The Maysville Bulletin has playful allu-
sion to Grant editor "He was too weak to
'eat crow but seven columns of government
advertisements each week makes him relish
bull pup wonderfully"
"A number of distinguished dead men are
expected to be present at Col. Duncan Blan-
toms Louisville Convention. There will be a
large delegation from Egypt, and several prom
incnt museums will also be represented.
A new way of discovering horses age
is to count his teeth. Edward Edgarton tried
it, The teeth he could not see, he felt. he
remarked to the doctor who sewed up his hand,
that this was hard world for laboring man.
"A young friend of ours, whose opinions
derive tinge of bitterness from the beer ne
imbibes, says that although it is quite true that
zone swallow does not make summer" a
summer like this makes one swallow good
deal of liquid.
= Somebody has asserted that the progeny
of n house-Hy during single season amounts
to 2OSO. 800 individuals. To test this would be
easy. Let some one keep common house-hy
in a room for season, and spend the rest OF
the year in counting the resulting insects.
- A printer, having been "iung'" by his
sweetheart. tried to commit suicide. The
"deviln found him out and took him to the
sauctum where the editor was writing duns to
delinquent subscribers. The picture OF de-
spair presented by the editor reconcilcd the
printer to his fate He began to consider HIM
self as comparatively happy.
"A Fairfield man, who failed to get thlr-
ty-cent pineapple for quarter Of dollar,
wanted to know whether we were breathing
the pure air of freedom or being strangled
with the fetid breath of a hellish despotsm."
The storekeeper said those were the only pine
apples he had.
: A boy in Rockport, who had just come
into possession of his first shotgun, amused
himself by banging away at his father, who
was grcasing harness on the wood pile: The
old gentleman let him practice 4 few minutes,
and then famed the youngster with one of the
tugs until he concluded to so out of the
schuetzenfest business. Some parents can nev-
er let boy have any fun.
- The editor of the Newberry Herald is
getting iubiant. Hear him in the following,
which, by the way, is as true as gospel: 1.-The
air and the sunshine, the rains and the dews,
are free to every one The world is large
enough for all and why cannot all enjoy IN IN
peace the good gifts so bountifuly given to all !
Cannot all rise together? Away with all such
damned nonsense, as down with anybody
There's room enough for ALL and all may be
free and independent and happy if they will
Let Greeley be elected, and peace, harmony
and prosperity will fill and crown every city,
town, village and hamlet, from the Atlantic to
the Pacific, and from Maine TO Mexico.
KEEP UP THE FAMILY ArrAc1IMENT.-One
| .l,e oct thintr. nl,out lnrnn family who