The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1872-12-27
PLAIN DEALER,

new 'DrokciS AHthe'h, couIi vs. :"
f r Wall st Get. 1t is applicable else
wherH,s and is quite comprehensive
enough to dispense with the entire
productions: ''Teach me counterfeit
to know, and bargins good to see, fr
quarters to others show. show fifty
cents to me"
A lite boy being asked, what is
the chief end of man? replied: Tile
end what's got the head on.''
If Heaven helps those who help
themselves, how we'll thieves must
get along.
People who believe the current
stories about intelligent dogs will read
with pleasure that a lost dog in Norfolk
having seen his masters advertisement
in one of the local prints, promptly
went home.
A Youth of Atchison, Kansas, drank
two quarts Of raw whiskey ON a wager,
and his cpitaph runs, "He smiled and
died"
Henry Ward Beechcr said "a fire
devil sits on every Mansard roof" For
an imp of darkness to do that is impo'-
light.
1t is singular how closely Burning
Boston, resembles the old cuts of
"Burning Chicago used by the it,
lustrated papers.
There's nothing like a good deini-
ton, as the teacher thought when he
explained the meaning Of "old maid
as a woman who had been made a
very long time.
An observing editor out in Greene,
is constrained to make this observation:
1T is disgusting to see young girls
parading the streets of a NO lest and
unassuming little town like Tecumsel
or Manchester with a tuckupbehind.
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. larger than
they are.'
Scene in street car; time, evening
two gentlemen in calling attire. First
gentleman, brisky-"Well! who is
going to be bored tonight" Second
gentleman, as briskly-'I don't know
. Where are you going:''
An exchange tells us that "there
were some things that even Georg,
. Washington could not do" There Ger.
tainly were. Lying is one of the east
est things to be done in the world, but
George confessed himself that he couIdn,
do it. We fear, though, that he didn'
try much.
Mr.. Halstead is engaged in pcrsu.
ing the Constitution Of the United
States. He says it is curious how
many new things there arc in that ole
document.
Jacksonville, Tenn, young ladies'
tic up their taper fingers, and whe,
the young gentlmen callers in the
evening inquire the cause, blushingly
reply: Il burnt them while broiline
the beefsteak this morning.
A new "papa' in Ishpemng objects
t. his wife calling the Young Amer
lea" a precious little lamb" because
in what kind Of light does that
place him before the world?
Mrs. G. | really must give COOK
warning, Charles. She does use such
very bad words.
Mr.. G. Really, dear! What sort
of words are they?
| Ms. G.. Oh, well! the same as
you use.
care you going to make a flower,
bed here, Judkins!'' asked young
lady to the gardener. Eyes, man,
them's the horders," answered the
gardener. "Why, it Il quite spoil our
croquet ground!" Cant help it,
nam; them's your pas horders; he
says as 'ow to hev it laid out for orti.
culture, not for 'usbandry"
Fond parent-"John Frederick, my
boy, as you have decided to refrain
from entering the newspaper business,
suppose you take up something sub
stantial--saw milling. How would you
like to own grist mill!'
| John Frederick-"Your noble
proposition father, does not strike me
milling is the most Improbable Of a
callings."
F. P.-"Indeed, my boy, and how
is that"
j. F.-"Alas, father, if you mus
know, it takes ten mills to make !;
cent"
F. p, with enth usiasm- my boy
! am nrnul If vou-vou shall noyn,