Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-07-05
and, after quoting the beautiful

and, after quoting the beautiful
lines,
Early to bed and early to rise
Makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise,
he appoints each individuals task
for the day, sets at him with en-
couraging words, and goes back to
bed again.
At halt past eleven o'clock Mr..
Greeley rises again. He shaves
himself. He considers that there 10
great virtue and economy in shaving
himself. He does it with a small
razor, sometimes humming part of
tune (he knows part of a tune, and
takes an innocent delight in re-
garding it as the first half of Old
Hundred; but parties familiar with
that hymn have felt obliged to con-
fess that they could not recognize
it, and, therefore, the noise he makes
is doubtless IN unconscious original
composition OF Mr.. Greeley's, and
sometimes, when the razor is
especially dull, he accompanies b M
self with q formula like this: G
the razor, and the---outcast
who made It'll. 6.
lie then goes out into his model
garden, and applies his vast store
of agricultural knowledge to the
moderation OF his cabbagcs; after
which he writes an able agricul-
tural article for the instruction Of
American farmers, his soul cheercd
the while with the reflection that if
cabbages were worth 81 apiece, his
model farm would pay.
lie next goes to breakfast, which
is frugal, abstcmious meal with
him, and consists of nothing but
just such things as the market
affords, nothing more. lie drinks
nothing but water-nothing what.
ever but water and coffee and tea
and Scotch ale and lager beer and
lemonade with fly in it-some.
times house fly and sometimes a
horse fly, according to the amount
or inspiration required to warm him
up to his daily duties. During
breakfast he reads the Tribune ali
through and enjoys The satisfaction
of knowing that all the brill liant
things in it, written by Young and
Cooke and Hazard and myself, are
attributed to him by a confding and
ignorant public.
After breakfast he writes short
editorial, and puts large dash at
the beginning of it, thus -,
which is the same as if he put II.
G. after it, and takes a savage
pleasure in rejecting that none OF
his understrappets can use that
dash, except in profane conversation
when chatting over the outrage. He
writes this editorial in his own
handwriting. lie does it because
he is 50 vain Of his penmanship. He
always did take an inordinate pride
in his penmanship. He hired out
once in his young days as writing
master, but the enterprise failed,
The people could not translate his
marks with any certainty. His first
copy was "Virtue is its own re-
ward" and they got it Washing
with soap is low. and absurd" and
SO the trustees discharged him for
attempting to convey bad morals
through the medium OF worse pen
manship. But, as I was saying, he
writes his morning editorial. Then
he tries to read it over, and can't dc
it, and SO sends it to the printers.
and they try to read it, and can't dc
it; and SO they set it up at random
as You may say, putting in wha'
words they can make out. and whel
they get aground OH Il long worf
they put it in "protection" or "uni
versal suffrage" and spar off ans
paddle ahead, and next morning, i
the degraded public can tell what il
is all about they say II. G. wrote it
and if they can't, they say it is one
of those imbecilc understrappers
and that is the end of it.
On Sundays Mr.. Greeley sits in a
prominent pew in Mr.. Chapin's
church, and lets on that he is asleep,
and the congregation regard it as
an eccentricity of genius.
When he is going 70 appear IN
public, Mr.. Greeley spends two
hours on his toilet. lie is the most
painstaking and elaborate man about
getting up his dress that lives in
America. This is his chietcst and
his pleasantest foiblc. He puts on
his old white overcoat and turns up
the collar. He puts on a soiled
shirt, saved from the wash, and
leaves one end Of the collar unbut-
toned. He put on his most dilapi-
dated hat, turns it wrong side be-
fore, cants it on the back Of his
head, and jams an extra dent in the
side of it. He puts on his most
atrocious boots, and spends fifteen
minutes tucking the legs of his
pants into his boot-top in what
should seem the most careless and
unstudied way. But his cravat-
it is into the arrangement Of his
cravat that he throws all of his soul,
and all the powers of his great
mind. After fixing at it for forty
minutes before the glass, it is per-
fect-it is askcw in every way-it
overflows his coat-collar ON one side
and sinks into oblivion on the other
1T climbs and it delves around
about his ncck-thc knot is conspi-
cuously displayed under his left ear,
and it stretches one Of its long ends
straight out horizontally, and the
other goes after his eye, in the good
Toodes fashion-and then, COM
pletely and marvelously apparelled,
Mr.. Greeley strides forth, rolling
like sailor, a miracle ofastounding
costumery the awe and wonder Of
the nations!
Truth and Lies about Grant.
In a little speech made at the
raising ofa Grant and Wilson flag
in Bangor, Mo-, United States Sena-