The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-01-05
sCIssORINGS.

= q f
Fascinating ladies-Arch-duch-
bsses.
The stone to do a good turn-The
yrindstone.
The ship that everybody likes
Good fellowship.
"The wife's secrets" Her opinion
pf her husband.
A boatman's Autumna1 song-The |
ast rose of Summer.
A literary class Builders that are
plwaFs- finishing stories.
Relatives that ought to be good
pedestrians -Step-sons.
Butter in Colorado is quoted at
ninety five cents a pound
A laborer strikes, and stops work.
a clock strikes and workes on.
Some husbands, though anything
but sharp, are awfully shrewd. =
Railroads have no affections. yet
Ehey ought all TO have strong ties. e
The quickest way to learn the
Dutch rolr'-Drink Holland gin.
When is small fish-pond like a
bird cage?-When there's perch in
it. -
Favorite case of Prussian gramme-
rians-The Possessive, and no mis-
take. szls sseesa
Why is whale ike wat.r-lily?A
Because it comes to the surface to
blow. =
Why is dogs tail like the heart of
tree? Because it is farthest from
the bark.
1t has been ascertained that the
man who held on to the last was a
shoemaker.
What verb is that in the language
of flowers, which few can decline?-
The verb-ena.
Is there any affinity between aman
who lives by chance and a rascal who
lives by hazard?
1t was woman who first tempted
raan to eat, but be took to drink of
his own account afterwards. sG
Why is a young lawyer like the ma
tionat currency? Because he is le-
gal tender and somewhat green.
Laborers are scarce at st. Johns,
n. F., and women are employed on
the wharves to load and unload yes-
sells.
What is the difference between an
oyster and chicken? One is best
right out of the shell, and the other
isn't. -g-.-.
Why are pimples on a drunkard's
face like the cuts in certain London
paper?-They are the illustration OF
Punch r
A cynical old bachelor says that il
is the privilege of hoops to surround
the loveliest of all things, which are
girls and whisky.
A New York young man gets S10(
from his father every time he breaks
off an engagement. He is doing 6
thriving business.
It is as nearly impossible to ,gei
money out of a miser as it would be
for a butcher to get mutton chops ouI
of a battering ram. @s'A -
Recently on the Pennsylvania Cen
trail Railroad, train of cars was rur
"A miles IN SO minutes-an averag,
of so miles an hour. "
a recent fox-chase at st Johnbury
Vt, was not a success, because tn
fox chased the dog and frightened
him nearly out of his skim s.ts :.
In certain parts of Iowa corn j
only fifteen cents a bushel, and. being
so much cheaper. than wood. the In
habitants are buying it for fuel. Z -
The title of Coughs new iectur'
is, "Will it Pay?" As be gets 500
anight for delivering it for. twoshun
dred nights next season, it is fair Il
presume it will. etsz.zsz s......,.. =.
Olive Logan has made a joke, ,Sh'
says "people in New York are font
of money except where it is the, peo
pies gold that jingles-then4 the,
don't like the Ring"
The troy Wing says the fasbiona
BILE thing among Congress stree
youths is hog riding, enterprising pr
vate citizens furnishing the hogs, AM
the city providing the right of way
"Mr. Timm, said wag, show d.
you keep your books?" s'Ohi b
double entry" Double entry
1lOU ILlAt. Ou, easy cuOu9u-
make one entry, and father th
other" ~s -~s-~z1.s,
Emperor William, of Germany
was married to an actress before b
married his present wife. The az
tress died four months after the wee
ding, and grief for her death nearl
distracted the Prince. f~o
A gentleman was introduced to
young ladg recently, and addresse
her as follows: s'Where do you liv
when you are at home?" To whic
she promptly replied, "When I al
at home live there" ~
"Ahl Mr.. Simpkins, we have NJ
chairs enosgh for our company, sal
a gay wife to her frugal husband
''Plenty of chairs, duckey. but Ii
tie too much company" replied M
Simpkins, with knowing wink. g
The. habitues of the Paris Opel
House have oil resumed their seat
One box remains yacant-the Ex-Ir
perial. aConvenance" makes Il
Orleans Princes refuse it. THE
can't afford It, and the public dor