Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1872-02-03
Facts and Fancles.
How to serve q dinner-eat it.

UloSSGuucSS.
Lost-The buttons from coat Of
paint.
When are lauDdresses not laundresses =?
When they air clothes.
Chicago calls her colored men tinted
citizens
The latest thing on the tapis-The
foct of Virginia on the carpet -baggers.
Telegram.
A dreadful little for shilling"
said Skinfint to druggist of whom
he had just purchased an emetic.
Mrs. Asphyxia gises reason for de-
clining to marry widower the fact that
she is down on secondhand children.
The palaces of Europe are getting the
reputation of being haunted, because
some Of the rooms are hung with Cob
elm tapestry.
| A schoolmaster on being asked what
was meant by the word - fortication,"
answered, !" Two twenty6cations make
| forti6cation."
1t is unwise to worry about that which
cannot be helped, aud foolish to worry
about that which can be helped. There
fore, worry not at all.
What should young nau carry with
him when calling upon his afianced
Affection 10 his heart, perfection in
his manners, and confection in his
pocket.
An editor, aluding to the demand for
female suffrage, female doctors and fe~
male clergymen, remarks that another
want presents itself-that of female wo-
men.
The Indian ring, the whiskey ring,
and several other rings, are mean
eaough, but the meanest of all are those
utterances which contain s. the true
Democratic ring"
Mr.. c. was a most inveterate punster.
Lying very i'll of cholera, his nurse pro-
posed to prepare young, tender chick
en-. "Hadn't you better take an old
hen," said G., in low whisper-he was
too i'll to speak louder" for she would be
more apt to lay on my stomach"
II is always safe to be polite to ladies.
An incident of the late rail road smash
up near Boston proves it a Gentle
man of that city gave up his seat in the
last car of the Beverly train to lady,
and passed forward. The lady was
killed and the gentleman was unhur,
Always acknowledge courtesics in
| kindly spirit Throw boquet and
card of thanks to a seranading party, if
not prepared to invite them in. 1t you
haven't boquet or card at hand. throw
a boot jack or brick, or any thing of
that sort, just to show your appreciation
OF the kindness intended,
4 young lady at an evening party
some time ago found it hard to use the
expression " Jordan's hard road to
travel" but thinking that too vulgar,
substituted the following: 80 Perambu-
! lating progression in pedestrian excur-
sion along the far famed throughfare Of
| fortune cast up by the banks of the
sparkling river of Palestine is indeed
attended with a heterogeneous congIom-
GRAFTON OF unforeseen difficulties"
A story is told OF man in Connect
icut who fell from the roof Of q fve-s story
building to the sidewalk but, as he
struck on the thick soles of his rubber
shoes, he bounced back within quarter
of au inch of the roof, and 80 continued
to bounce, the distance decreasing by
only a quarter Vt an inch at each jour
ney. ne subsisted on hash enclosed in
rubber balls, which he m managed to catch
on the bound, and at the end of a month
was stopped and returned to his fam
lily.
Four of the dirtiest, most ragged lit
tie ragmufins in this city entered one of
the magnificent drug stores in our place
Marching up to the counter, one
said
81 want q cents worth of rock
candy"
/" Get out you ragmuffins we don,
sell cents worth of rock candy :"
Slowly and sadly they filed ont Of
the store. On the sidewalk a consul,
, tation took place. They re. entered the
, door.
+" Mister, do you sell three cents worth
of rock candy 2"
!, Yes"
:, "Well, we amt got 'em;" and the
procession moved out again.
f A physician in the Grand Army Jour
nal tells this ghastly joke: i remem
Der one day in making my hospita
rounds, patient arrived presented mi
on amputated forearm, aud in doing 81
f; could scarcely refrain from broad laugh
3 the litter was constantly on his face
!, What is the matter? This does no
; strike me as a subject of laughter. |
$ is not, doctor, but excuse me. los
my arm in SO funny way that I still
: laugh when look at it. Our frs
. sergeant wanted shaving badly. and 10
: me to do it as | am corporal. Wewen
/ together 10 front of his tent: | ha'
- lathered took him. hv the nose ant