Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1872-04-09
Le5aach for HaG7aaO2'6sts.

Mr.. Taylor, of Lafayette, Indiana, thought
he would shear his mules tail. The surgeon
is assduous IN his attentions to Mr.. Taylor.
Speaking of the danger Of catching small
pox by handling greenbacks, country editor
congratulaies himself that he's safe enough.
If you don't stop using tobacco, the first
thing you know you will have the amaurosis,
angina, pectoris, hyyochondriasis and locomo-
toratogy.
what are you going to do after you grad
uate?' said gentleman to student at one OF
our colleges. "Dam6uo preach pose, re-
piled the hopeful.
An old lady who took her first ride in the
cars, remarked when the train ran off the
track, you fetch up rather sudden don't ye?
An absent-minded resident of Danbury.,
Conn, shut down window on Monday and
forgot to draw IN his head. He was calling for
Helen BlaZes when discovered.
They cheer their winter evenings in Mime
sofa with ghost parties. The tickets are illus
trated With skull and cross bones and the sup,
per consists Of a skeleton turkey.
A Nevada saloon-keeper advertises that al
though the rose may lose its fragrance and the
shamrock wither. his IL O'Clock lunches in
their excellence shall endure forever.
A boy of five Summers in Gordonsville re-
Gently, whilst at his devotions, surprised the
family by praying that he might have sixty
brothers and one hundred sisters.
A broken-hearted widower in indianapolis
has erected pine slab over his wife's grave,
and presented fine piano to the girl who was
kind to him during his affection.
A young theological student at Harvard in
uitea Vonro iadv In RoStan N attand non
cert, to which be received the following reply :
IT you come as a temporary supply, [ must
decline the Invitation, as L am only hearing
regular candidates.
An Irishman applying for license to sell
Hhiskey, was asked if he possessed a good
moral character
Faith, yer honor" re Piled Pat, II don't
see the necessity for good moral character to
sell whisky
A fellow lately started store in Kansas
The following was the sign he hung out Dry
goods by John Smith, who wishes To get mar
RED" This sign drew all kinds of CUSTOM
The single ladies went, of course, and the mar
ried men all told their wives to go, under the
impression that they could easily cheat SO great
fool u
The Teutonic tailor Of Pennsylvania village
having married second wife indecently soon
alter the tuneral OF the first, the young men
of the place notified their disapproval by tin
horn serenade during the progress of the we'd
ding feast. The vulgar fraction of man ex-
postulated in the following style: 81 say poys,
you ought to be ashamed of yourselves to be
making all dis noise ven dare vas funeral here
SO soon ~
An Illinois woman committed suicide by
hanging herself to an apple tree. Noticing the
sad appearance of the husband at the funeral,
neighbor approached him and consoled him
by saying that he had met with terrible loss.
Yes says the husband, heaying sigh, 'she
must have kicked like thunder to shake off six
bushes OF apples that would have been worth
dollar when they got ripe''
An Irish counsellor having lost his cause.
which had been tried by three Judges. one IF
whom, was esteemed very able LAWYER. though T
the other two we're Indifferent some Of t5a
other barristers were merry on the occasion 'n0
''Well, now, said he, who could HELM 8.
when there are a hundred Judges on tbs h.,
bench ?" "a hundred ?'' said bystander.
there were but three" ''By St. Patrick -
replied he, there were one and two ciphers. i"