The Portland daily press., 1872-09-23

'o'nesler EIpreSS having suggested
making list of nice young men who hang
around church doors, the Albany Journal
proposes as an improvement to make ftlner-
al of them.
A saloon so arranged as not to feel the YES
se"s motion, is Bessemer's invention for OBJ
waiting sea-sckness; and steamers are to be
built that at the dinner table the chops of the
English Channel, however served up, can be
reiished.
Thomas Fleming thought he could kiss the
good-looking girl who served him his lunch in
an eating saloon, so he did it but now, with
four months in the penitentiary ahead of him
he wishes he hadn't.
A Georgia man, with keen sense of the
ridiculous, cut his friends head off from his
mouth upward.
There is more than one way of ''talking on
the subject of religion" and better way evil
IDENTITY, than the old English lady had found
whose husband was wasting under lnger-
ing disease. The rector expressed hope
that she sometimes spoke 10 him of the fu-
tnre. 81 do indeed, sir. Often and often l
wakes him in the uight, and says John, John
you little thinks of the torments as is prepar-
ing for you. -
After the rain, what? Clear cool weather,
magnificent autumn splendors of air, sun
shine and rainbow hues, frosts and over
coats.
Last quotation in the boy market-A
Quincy (Ill.) father lost one, and has spent
$4,000 in unsuccessful efforts to find him.
Three persons died in Crockett county,
Tenn, recently, after drinking coffee from
pot into which box of matches had fallen.
Montana seems to be an unattractive place
to settle in. The cemeteries are not so pretty
as some, or in the words of another, you
must look outside that territory for swell
graveyard.
A correspondent of a-Pittsburg paper, de-
scribing the recent auction sale at the Patent
Office at Washington, says that among the
furniture there were such tempting little
sofas and chairs for a child's playhouse, and
such a darling little bedstead for fax-haired
doll; such cunning tables for a children's
tea party such ravishing little cooxing-stoves
with the tiniest of tea-kettles, that could be
made to steam and sputter like great fam lily
kettle with bulged sides and crooked spout.
And orly to think that there was no good old
grandfather there to buy all these treasures
for the children, and they were knocked down
to grum model-maker, who takes no pleas
ure in making little folks happy.
A suggestive Spanish proverb-"The road
By and By leads to the town of Never"
The Jewish Messenger wishes Stanley to
try his skill on the ten lost tribes of Israel.
A young man of weak intellect has Just
been sentenced in Paris to years imprison-
ment for having written a threatening letter
to Bismarck The Prince took the matter
seriously and directed the Prussian ambassa-
dor to prosecute. ....... ....-.-
IF any prophet is in want of subject for
dismal progn ostications of the future of the
country he can find it in the way in which
waterng-place correspondents jest about flirt-
ing and broken engagements.
These are nice little particulars to find in
the British Medical Journal Every false
hair has upon the end of it ''nodosity;"
every nodosity has fifty "psorosperms ;''every
psorosperm has an indefinite number of
''pseudo-navicellae." All these agreeable
creatures are frisking about in every ball
room, says the gentleman who is good
enough to give this information to the public,
will go to work to navigate himself and his
partner among them. Pretty prospect for
the winter!
They compare Kansa, peaches with Arizo-
ma diamonds when it is desired to make their
extra size impressive.
This is Western item: Kemp's brewery,
with $35, 900 of prospective lager, went up in
fiery chariot at Dubuque last week.
The reports of French commerce and of
French harvest for this year, are OF the most
encouraging character, revealing a national
wealth hitherto unknown even to Frenchmen
themselves.
The Cincinnati Editors, regardless of DR..
Watts or any other man, are at it again The
Enquirer man says, "Deep down in our heart
of hearts we know NJ. Halstead to be a liar,"
and the genius of the Commercial character
izes the foregoing as the 'obscene screeching
of an infuriated loafer in the hands of the po-
lice.
Shortly after the Franco German war dis
tinguished Frenchman was complaining Bit
terly to an English Duchess of the refusal of
British aid during that long series of French
defeats. "To be sure" he added, 'it was
foolish in us to hope better things from ma
ton of shopkeepers' These popular say
ings," was the scathing reply, ''are frequently
destitute of any solid foundation; we have
been in the habit of calling you nation of
soldiers" Such a cutting retort ought to be
come historical