The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1872-06-20
Old Probabilities

/ suppose it will come 10 tnls--atlaenet!
to cards Of invitation sent out week or TWO
i'll advance: -,
"Guests living on the East Side will order
their carriages at ii Z. NJ. on account OF ram
at 11:3VP. NJ. AS there will be only slight
shower on the West Side, carriages from that
side at convenience Of guests"
And this to advertisements Of concerts ana
the like:
"Performance will conclude at 10 P. NJ,
allowing ample time for audience to reach
home before the Storm"
No more anxious Watchings at windows
in those days-no more surprises, ssamper-
inss. huddlings together Us ut pic-nics, in the
sweet old shrieking fashion. Nobody who
reads the newspaper will ever get caught in
the rain.
Then, of course, when Mr.. Leakin sue
ceeds in securing general recognition for his
Law of Periodcity, nothing will ever chap
pen" at all. The word "accident" will be
marked obsolete III the dictionary, rs so many
other good words have been already marked.
Things will take place, | suppose, in their
regular sequence, as foreordained and fore
told. Life will he Morphy-Paulsen game
of chess, except that we shall keep on push
ing the men around, in nightmareish sort
of way, after "checkmate in seventeen
moves 8 has been announced,
It's all of picce--weather probabilities
Leakin's Law composition back-logs; cast
iron tree stumps; spring tastenings to keep
children from kicking OFT bed-clothes; can
ned vegetables; steam yachts on the Sea of
Galilee; parlor skates; protophsm.
Tomatoes in winter are rs much out OF
place as sunlight in u theatre. Of you were
Mt the Nilsson matinee at Wallack's the other
Saturday, when tue shutters ,rouLd fly open
every now and then, you know how CHASTITY
that is y Things must be in keeping. To-
matoes must be thanked by radishes, and fresh
peas, and lettuce-with Il scent OF summer
in the air. And besides, tomatoes must be
tomatoes, not .tantalizing semblance-a
mixture of carpet rags, vinegar, and bullets,
just rlcy enough of the genuine dish to take
oil the keen edge of ones delight when, In
due time, the first toothsome taste OF the
vegetable comes to you with the tWifter OF
birds, and the touch Of the cool.warm air
upon your brow. :,
Well, there is another side to all
this.
The beauty of it is that spring is spring,
no matter how it comes at last, or wherein
the city. heralded by small boys calling
the country bv birds and flowers and flavor
Of garlic in the butter Spring is spring, and
will have its way.
And as to parlor-skates-when I come to
think of it, the Professor made me 90 with
him to the Rink one night last winter. He
went down, he said, every evening. after
Greek, for halfhours "fun." And the
Professors pretty daughter-she was going
for the ''fuu," too-seemed to be really eX-
cited about it. One might have thought, to
look at her cheeks, it was to be moonlight
frolic OH frozen mill-pond. l didn't want
to 60 at all; it seemed to ME sacrilege, sliding
around on rollers over pine boards, and call
ing it skating Us bad enough to skate with
real skates under Q corrugated roof and by
gas]ight; but this molkery! No, / pro-
tested, shall he true to the runners and bon
fires Of my boyhood!
But went. Ididn't.go so far as to put
the rollers on; merely stood and looked.
Shade of Winthrop! Instead OF the ring
and scrape Of steel upon the ice there was Il
hollow rumble as Of machinery, and over in
one corner the Champion cutting chalk
eagles on the floor! 5t-s...
Ii they had gone about it sadly and So
lemnly, like mournels ut o funeral, it would
not have been half so bad. 1t was their
cheerfulness that was SO pathetic. 1t seemed
as If this great procession Of youths and
middie-aged that swayed and swung past me
where stood were under the influence of a
horrible enchantment.
In moment, said to myself, the little
man in black, leaning over the balcony rail-
ing yonder, will drop his cane upon the floor
below the music will cease, the lights will
go down, and, suddenly awakening from
their dream, the skaters will shrink into the
street and back to their homes in terror.
But even parlor skates do sometimes get
loose, and one must kneei TO fasten them
while the other gently rests her hand on his
shoulder for support. And here, too, the
girls have to be taught; and rollers, like
runners, are treacherotls, and will slip be
does not hold so tight-so tight!
/ 0, this great-hearted, blessed humanity Of
ours how 1t takes to ITSELF at last, every arti-
fetal custom and contrivance brought within
its domain-just as nature resumes, with
ivy, Qnd liehen, and rust, every piece of hu-
man handiwork planted in her deep woods !!
shouldn't wonder if there were
times when Old Probabilities himself forgets
his umbrella. And maybe he isn't so very
old, after all, Maybe to someb0dy--far off,
the summer rain Ia deaper because Old Pro-
liabilities, In TINT formal, scientific way Of
his, said that 1t was coming. From The Old
Cabinet, IN Scrabae,'s for july, if &
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