The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1872-06-07
PLAIN DEALER,


A new name for the nursery: Lap
land.
All time belongs to US, for all time is
hours.
Piece-makers: Steam, gunpowder and
glycerine.
A well-balanced man-one with a
large bank account.
Horses coats come naturally, but
tailors make them for asses.
How to overcome your sorrows:
Strike one Of your own sighs.
A thief running away is scamp, but
the policeman's chase after him is a
scamper.
Mr.. Greeley thinks square poles in
hen roosts give the hen better grip,
and square life better hold on
the people.
Rhode Island Democrats are mount
ing white hats, "suhject to the decision
of the Baltimore Convention"
amnesty and economy" is the
Greeley motto. Grant sticks to "Aiil-
itary Rings and Family Relations.
The Hartford Times cries out Justify
for "change," and an lend Of horse
craftsmanship and bullpuppery."
A doctor calls his dog Chinchona,
on account of the bitterness of his
bark.
"He is an administration man, but
suspected Of being honest" is the way
that some Of Grants Office seekers are
now mentioned.
A Jew on seeing a prodigiously fine
ham, remarked: "Thou almost pcrssad-
est me to be Christian
Greeley has not used an oath since
nominated. He wants to be r,agnani-
nous and give the GRANTEES q chance
to express their feelings.
4 Western editor, in writing the
obituary Of a respectable citizen, says
that she has gone to that undiscovered
burn"
Snow fell in Pittsburgh on Sunday
Boston Post. What Suniay!-Pitts-
burgh Post. The Sunday the snow
fell.-Eoston Post.
The man who hit :rother mans nose
off in I'll atfray, is said to have taken
prominent part in the fight.
A Cincinnati man is searching
through the West for runaway wife
ana $4,000 in bonds which she took
Especially the bonds.
A St. Adams lawyer has discovered
that "when we look back in The nntrod-
den paths Of the future, we behold the
footprints of an Almighty hand"
A gentleman lately addressed pas
sionate billet-doux to lady in the same
town, adding this curious postscript:
"Pleasc send me a speedy answer, as I
have somebody else in my eyc."
The Detroit Union says that there is
a very weak Fish in Washington that
has just been caught by & British
angler. The bait used was Alabama
claG )ms.
All the liquor shops Of Washington
closed on Sunday. The only place
where you can get q drink On that day
is at the White House, and then it is
to your advantage to be brother-in-law
or cousin.
From our Domestic Pet Idiot-What
is the difference between sofa and it's
fair occupants: About thu difference
between an Ottoman and a knot-o'-
woman.
The Marchioness Of Butte should be
glad to know that if-say accidents
happen by and by, they WI all be little
Buties.
A money-hunter being about tc mar
ry fortune, friend asked how long
the honeymoon would last. "Don't
tell me Of the honeymoon he rcplicd,
sit is the harvest-moon with ne.
Hint to Husbauds.-Jones says he
always gives Mrs. jones her way, be-
cause it's the only thing ha has to give
her.
A gardner's wife nsde rincushion
out ola Spanish onion, but she found
that it brought tears into her needles
eyes.
The GRANTEES have adopted white
feather as tho badge Of their seryility
to their chief. This is both appropriate