Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1872-05-28
Lat7ach for HaS31aOYSsts.

A mans politics are sometimes made known
by the paper worn in his daughters panier.
''Come into the Warden, Maud" is the way
in which musical mammals urge their daughters
to try-on their new calico dresses.
What I know about candidates, by DIR. G..
In May plant your candy, in November look
out for your dates.
A Missouri gentleman was politely hanged
by his suave neighbors the other day, for hav-
ing too many of their horses in his possession.
dolly Warden necties for gentlemen have
appeared. "Well, dolly Warden" around
ones neck is not 80 bad after all, is it Jim Ar
mentrout
A Green Bay man was mean enough to elope
with the only school teacher in the town, thus
shutting up the school,
A drunken man, sprawling on the ground in
Decatur the other night, anxiousy wanted to
know if anybody else had been struck by that
earthquake. 5e
A case is recently said to have occurred up
town beyond the skill of ordinary ocullsts. 1t
is that of young lady who, instead Of a pupil
has college student in her eye.
A man in Wyndham county, Conn, is said
to be working up saw-log thirty feet long into
fife for Gilmor's jubilee. 1t will be blown by
nitro glycerine. ,q4qff nvt
An Illinois paper speaks of three men who
have gone crazy ntly-''one for love, one
for religion, and one on general principles. q
A Scientific Reasoner-A friend of ours, who
came upon a scientific treatise on the s'The We
locity of Light" says he can understand now
how it is that his gas bill runs up SO rapidly.
The drug clerk who administered arsenic for
magnesia, and killed his man, says he don't
see why people should make so much talk of
it, as he's made an apology and done what he
could to make it right with the family.
4 lately imported German, whose first act
was matrimonial one, reports in the third
week of bis honeymoon, thai Il d vas youst so
easy as needle Good walk oat init camePs
eye. as to get der behindt vord NIT voor-
mans.
Walter, fve-year old, was surprised at
breakfast by the presence of diminuative egg,
served for his syecial declaration. He thus ac-
counted for the eggs smallness: Mamma, L
think the chicken was learning to lay.
A reporter who obtained entrance to the stu
do of a noted young lady sculptor states that
she was at work with 'her arms bare to the
shoulder and her ankles likewise" Goodness
gracious! aJ o9aaFo@ als
placid streams, open wide his jaws and then
with guile awakens from his dreams the sleep
ing XVIII, by the bite which sewers off bis
head, and numbers him that very night among
the sleeping dead 1
A sporting gentleman, who boasts of having
a very correct watch, said to friend with
whom he was riding a long way across country
to meeting. pulling out his watch, IF the sun
ism over that hill in a minute and half, be
will be too late.
A Paris chiropodist begins an advertisement
as follows: ''Ali the world has corns the fair
est blondest best Romeo, doubtless had cornS;
Juliet had, probably and you ladies aud gen
tlemen, need not blush to expose your feet to
the operator.
An Assistant Unired States Marshal 10 Louis
vile, in taking he census asked colored Wo-
man what personal property she possessed to
which she replied 'Nothin but desc rec
chill en- yere. an dey ant with much since the
Emancipation procklermation T.
Somebody at Albany selected another mans
yard as suitable place for dead cat. The
man thought that his next neighbor was re-
sponsible and the consequences Is that Grim
akin travels across the fence about seven times
day. s c33 s-
At hotel dinner a gentleman observed
person who car opposite use toothpick which
had Just done the same service to his neighbor
Wishing 10 aDIrise him of his mistake. he
said beg our pardon sir, but you are using
Mr. toohpjck. = Il kuow am. Do
you think anl not going to return it z
Stony hearted Young Scattercash seeing
in the paper statement that DIR. Quain had
been lecturing 90 diseases of the walls of the
heart, says be can understand now why his APP
peals have failed to elicit any pecuniary re-
Spouse from his guv nor. The walls Of the old
boy heart must, he says, be of Portland stone,
and have broken glass on the top, for he can't
get over them
A Detroit man recently forswore tobacco
He eats few little things, to get through each
day. The following is list of the few little
things required the first day: Six oranges
fourteen apples, ten cents worth OF peanuts,
two sticks of spruce gum, three large sticks OF
candy, pint of roasted chestnuts, one cake OF
maple sugar, three cents worth of iiquorice
root, and half an ounce of camomile blows.
The following is the way they called out the
figure of reel in Arkansas: Dance to the
gal with the yellow shawl now down outside
and up the middle; turn er to your partner
: Isaac Smith, and now to that entire stranger
sachez to the right and left; "a de tan, da du
de now turn to Peter Schwitchall' S daughter
turn 20 your partner, every one +; set TO the
girl with the haring frill !; balance one and spin
about to the girl with the hole in the heel of
her stocking"
A lady sent her Irish servant for new vel
vet mantilla which was at her dressmakers.-
"John" she said, IF it rains take a cab. |
would rather pay the cab hire than have my
mantilla wet When the man handed the
mantilla it was ruined, the paper which COW
cred it being saturated with water. why,
john" she said, II told you to take cab if
it rained." $50 | did, mum; but sure you
wouldn't have your footman ridin' inside? |
got on the box with the driver"
The POLE CAT.-My friend, did you ever
examine the fragrant pole kat clussly?
guess not; they are a kritter that won't
bear examining with a microscope.
They are butiful beings, but oh how decep-
tive.
Their habits are phew, but unique. w
They bid their houses cut ov earth and the
houses have but one door tew them, and that
IL front door.
When they enter their houses they don't
shut the door after them.
They are called pole kats bekause it il not
convenient few kill them with klub, but with
apnle, and the longer the pole the more con-
venient.
Writers on uatral history, disagree about the
right length OF the pole tew be used, but i
would suggest that the pole be about 365 feet,
especially if the wind IL in favor ov the pole
kat.
hav kaught skunks in trap. They are