The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1872-06-21
Varieties.

SHocKING-A magnetic battery.
An exchange tells Of marine disas
ter where three seamen bit the dust.
POLITICIANS ought to be the frankest
of men. They're in the habit Of speak.
ing out.
WHY is a man who is knocking stead
lily at door like butcher? Because
he knocks and knocks knocks an OK.
"MY DEAR" said husband to his
wife, "do you think a stovepipe hat is
unbecoming to me?" 1t is, decided
ly, when it is too much stove," replied
the wife.
A FoUR-year-old, being asked by his
mother if he would like TO have wings
and be an angel, replied, "No, ma;
I'd rather be hawk and live on
chickens"
A MASSACHUSETTS paper publishes this
outrageous SANDER: Thirteen old maids
from Vermont lately went to Wyoming
Territory 10 get husbands. The men
there said they preferred squaws, and
the Vermont ladies are mad"
A BABY lately had the misfortune to
swallow the contents of an ink-bottle.
Its mother, with wonderful presence of
mind, Immediately administered box
of steel pens and two sheets of foolscap
paper, and the child has felt tOrite inside
ever since.
BELFAST has dog which goes for the
doctor, when anybody is sick, without
being asked. ave once had little
cur" SAYS the Bangor Commercial, "that
would not only 60 for the doctor, but
anybody else that passed the house, and
when no one was sick, either"
The Troy Times tells about French
physician who bleaches noses Of Bac-
chanalian hue by means of electricity.
This is the homeopathic treatment,
founded on the theory that like cures
like; for when noses have been red
dened by Jersey lightning, it ought to
be easy to bleach them by electrity.
A MAN in Florida, whose creditors
were numerous, was in the habit of car
rying his unpaid bills in the breast
pocket of his coat. few days ago q
ruffian tried to stab him, but the bundle
of unpaid bills intercepted the knife
and saved his life. Moral: Don't pay
your bills, but keep them in your
breast.pocket.
DURING Prof Rust's first visit to the
Nursery" in Louisville, he proceeded,
among other things, to give the little
ones a lecture on the Five Senses"
which was done to the apparent salts
faction of all except one little fellow,
who remarked, on the Professors re-
firing, | hain't seen nothin' of them
nickels yet"
The following pathetic note was picked
up on a Danbury, Ct, street: " Dear
jane hope yeu amt mad because |
didn't laff at you when you latft at me
last evening at the post offs. | amt
prowd, dear Jane, but | have got bile
under my arm, and | can't laf as used
to as Heaven is my judge. Yours, truly,
Henry"
FIRST Stranger-I declare, sir, that
women are getting more outrageously
decoltay every day. Just look over
there at that Prodigious old Porpoise
with the eye-glass Second Stranger
HIM Ha! Yes can't help thinking
she's a more festive-looking object than
that Funeral old Trump with the fan J
First Stranger-The Funeral old
Trump" is my wife, sir Second Stran.
ger-The Prodigious old Porpoise" is
mine Let's 90 and have some teal
Up in Vermont there lived repro
bate family named Ransom. Once, how.
ever, they we induced to attend
meeting during a revival. They came
late, and had hardly taken their seats
when the preacher gave out the hymn,
" Return, We ransom'd sinners, hone.
"All right" said the old man, getting
up in rage and clapping on his hst;
"Come along, ole woman and gals, Wen
go home fast enough, and everybody IN
this old church knows we didn't want
to come"