The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1872-08-23
RATES OF ADVERTISING.
Humorous.

Humorous.
A western editor, in writing the
obituary of respectable citizen, says
that "he has gone TO that undiscovered
burn" ........ ..
A Vermont man sat down on keg
of powder to take a "noon smoke"
His friends found one button.
The Missouri Democrat names a Chi.
cago. paper as sparkling with the
brilliancy of q ten-year-old patent Office
roport.n hnl
A Massachusetts man killed 40 black
snakes, few days since, buried them
in convenient place, and then sent
his hired man to dig tishworms at the
same spot.
A chap in st. Louis, says: "''FaiDt
no use to get vaccinated. tried, and
just after the darned thing took mad
dog bit me-"
Since DR.. McCosh took charge of
Princeton College it has received gifts
amounting to 100000. A poor, but
honest editor wishes DIR. McCosh would
take charge Of him just for a year or
two. ......
A gushing poet asks in the first line
of recent effusion, "How many weary
pilgrims lie?" We give 1t up, but ex.
perience has taught us there are good
many.
An Illinois paper speaks Of three men
who have gone crazy lately-"one of
them for love, one for religion, and ono
on general principles"
An Indiana town has the following
dog ordinance: "Dogs that are not col.
Jared and labeled, no matter how re.
specially connected, will have their
narratives amputated one inch south Of
their ears"
A lady at Bridgeport, Conn.,. remain
ed too long In train to kiss a friend,
and trying to get off after 1t had started,
was thrown violently on her face. 'If
ever I kiss anybody againW said she,
vengefully, as she arose "any woman,
at least" she thoughtfuly added.
A witty son of st. Patrick was in
charge of ferry boat. A lady passen-
ger, being frightened by the waves,
asked him: care people ever lost by
this boat 2" He gave her the encour-
generally find them afterwards by drag
SihS ohS hiNSA'
A Hartford (Conn.) paper wants peo-
pie to believe that a married couple was
recently to be seen in that town with
fifteen children, of whom the Oldest
do Wa know TOO mnch of New Eng.
, iana,s ,,itai otatiSt;os to heya q hnar5.
in~. school nsimaI off On r,s nndar Sal.a
nrotonooS
p'o'o''
A Syracuse druggist recently received
the following prescription, with a re-
quest to put it up: Fir kramps-Tinc
iittIa. tinnt hot drons a fnny drons.
t;nnt ir,ya, nanar Z cants worth k,pn'
forn, q little hi,t not nnnch es If l. dan.
1,nrnrs ,,,od;o;na naSo hoIf toasnuno.
S,II u,hn,, thn Wro,,rs con, No., ~,
'"'' "'i0' '''' i'''-'''
A boy in Rockport who had Just como
into possession of his first shot gun
amused himself by banging away at his
father, who was greasing harness on
the woOd-pile. The old gentleman let
him practice few minutes and then
fIos untiI he cnneII,ded to yo ont Of fhe
schufzen fest hnsiness SSne nsrerts
can never Iet a how have anv fun
The man with his lung tester who
accompanies q circus and makes an
honest penny by testing the wind of
the multitude, came to, grief at Terre
Iaute, Ind, the other day. A healthy
farmers boy, with chest ON him like
an emigrant's valise, drew in mouth
ful OF the atmosphere, wrapped quar-
ter section OF his lips ovsr the nozzle
and breathed. An explosion followed,
and the professor was heard to say.
as he gathered up the fragments OF
been ealing onions . hats What made
his hrcnth So o1rong ), 'D
A NEWSPAPER PUFF.-A sarcastic
Ohio editor notices that ''last evening
the beautiful daughter OF Mr.. Loveputf,
the accomplished and gentlemanly
wagon maker Of this vicinity, was uni
ted in wedlock to Geo. Recrant, the
talented artist, whose charming land
scapes are upon the dashboard OF every
buggy ever turned out Of his father in
laws shop, and who at stripping car
riage wheels has no peer living since
a cleveland woman nor long ago
moqestiy requesteu her huSDahu 10 70
1.-THE wife) had changed her mind and
would have the watered silk made up
instead Of the poplin, and THAT If she
thinks it would look better with ten
bias flounces without putting and box.
| plated below the equator, which should
be gathered in hemstitched gudgeons
up and down the seams, with gussot
stitch between, she can mako it up in
that way, instead of fiuting the bobil.
cite insertion and piecing out with poirt
applique as l suggested yesterday"
He didn't go.
-, o.L oa
paras gSstapre Iash m Eo,end anu oode 70 nnI =;
visited Mr.. NaSh, In England, 10 coii' ct
arrears Oh local taxes, ameu WIN
distress Warrant, NaSn receiVeu ST. h's
guests WITH gieat aiaapi.y, thaoay, anu at pss hes
To this they urbanely responded, ~
beginning to take an inventory OF lie
furniture. MT. Nash stepped OUT ioi
| of haas which he placed upon the tablS