Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1872-11-28
Varieties.

WAS William Penn's handkerchief the
| original pen-wiper?
If you want to know whether tree
is hollow, ak it.
"ANoTaER lie nailed" as our shoddy.
| shoemaker says when he throws aside a
| shoe.
| NEVER laugh at a man with a pug
nose. You don't know what may
turn up.
A YOUNG subscriber wants to know if
it is better to hide your savings, or save
your hidings.
Way is the bone of the arm called
the funny bone? Because It is the
humorous bone.
IF your neighbor's hens are trouble
some, and steal across the way, don't
let your angry passions rise; fix place
for them to lay.
DR. FRANKLIN says that "every little
fragment of the day should be saved"
., yes, the moment the day breaks, set
yourself at once to save the pieces.
IT is said of fashionable lady who
went to party not long since that she
arrived there about the first of the
evening, but the last of her dress did
not arrive until II o'cloc<.
What's that ?'' said teacher, point
ing to the letter K, to little ragged
urchin. "Daddy's name" "No, no,
my boy" "Yes, it is; I've seen him
write it good many times"
A NEW dish is grape leaves fried in
egg batter; it is called French dish.
An exchange remarks: "We can't
think of anything that would be more
delicious than fried grape leaves, unless
it is circus poster on toast"
THE coolest woman yet heard from in
Come ;ticut is a negress who fell into
the water at Meriden, lately. A man
rescued her, and after a profusion of
thanks she gently requested him to get
an apple which she had dropped into
the water; which he did.
How DO you get along with your
arithmatic 2" asked father of his little
| boy, who answered and said: give
ciphered through addition, partition,
subtraction, distraction, abomInation,
justification, hallucination, derivation,
amputation, creation and adoption"
CARE you going to make fowerbed
here, Judkins ?" asked a young lady of
the gardener. "Yes, mum them's the
horders." answered the gardener. "Why,
it'll quite spoil our croquet ground J"
"Can't help it; them's your pas hor-
ders he says as 'ow to hev it laid out
for 'Orticu!tur, not for 'Usbandry."
HANDS have they, yet steal not
Clocks. Legs have they, yet walk not
Tables. Teeth haxe they, yet chew
not-Combs Lips have they, yet kiss
not-Pitchers. Eyes have they, yet see
not-Needles. Hearts have they, yet
pity not-Cabbages. Ears have they,
vet hear not-Old book leaves. Arms
have they, yet toll not-Chairs.
A STUPID fellow found light guinea
| in street of London one day, which he
was obliged to sell for eighteen shillings.
| The next day he saw another guinea
living in the street, and was about to
pick it up, hut suddenly passed on, mutt
terinr, "No. no. I'll have nothing to
do with you. lost three shillings by
your brother yesterday"
"WHAr are you drawing. Anna ?"
" Ise making your pcture." So the
gentle Anna sat very still, and she
worked away very earnestly for awhile.
Then she stopped, compared her work
| with the original, and shook her little
head. az don't like it much," she
said. "Taint much like you. dess
| I'll put tail to 1t, and call IL uog.
WHAT shall we say of that benighted
bachelor who, being called on for toast,
gave, "OLr future wives-distance lends
enchantmept to the view ]" aud that
other one, if possible, shade more
rerrobate, who proposed "Woman-the
morning star of infancy, the day star
of manhood, the evening. star OF age !;
bless our stars, and may they always be
kept at a telescope distance J!
AN Ingenious New Yorker has found
new use for an artificial leg. He
worked in pipe factory, and was in the
habit Of filling his porcelain limb each
day with choice assortment OF meer-
schaums, which he disposed of on his
own account. When discovered he
made about $500 by his illegitimate trat-
; fc. In this way he was walking of
with goodly share of the profits OF the
| establishment.