The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1872-06-10
THE PRESS
MIR. Nasty Supports Greeley.
From the Toledo Blade

and embracin NV him the same ez tho he he'd
bin Breckenridge, Hoffman, or some SIGH
man, witch they he'd bin more famillyiar with
1t took four days Nv persistent swearin afore
l Good convince EN- that he'd any idee Nv
supportin man witch they had heerd me de-
nounce ez the vilest ablishen despot ON earth,
a thousand times. Alas! they don't know
the full elasticity of the democratic mind.
L called meetin and gave EN- an account
NV my stewardship at Cincinnati.
commenst my remarks by saying that
went to Cincinnati with a view Nv nOmina-
tin that sterlin patriot, Judge Davis, who, tho
in office ez Republican, hezn't enuff repub-
likinism about him to hurt, or that other
sterIin patriot, Charles Francis Adams, the son
of Quincy Adams, but witch hezn't anythingof
the Adams about him but the name. 1t wuz
gatherin Nv the people, not an offs holders
convention; and that uzwhat wuz the mat
ter with us. Not one NV the delegates held a
a government posishen, and not one of us
he'd any chance Nv gettin one under Grant.
''Give us anything else.'
confess, tho, l wuz somewhat disappoint-
ed. The convenshen he'd throwd off on
Adams and Davis, and nominated Greeley.
Hang him!' shouted the people, 81 kin
lick any man in a minute who asks me to
vote for hlmW shouted Kernal McPelter.
paid no attention to these compliments.
Il he'd no idee NV even supportn him, and
wuz glad of his nominashun only ez beleev-
ed he wood draw off enuff republican votes to
enable us to elect a sound constitutional
democrat"
''That's wat we want-a sound constitu-
tooshnel demokratr' yelled Kernal McPelter,
late of the confederit servs 3
but notist that great majority NV the
democratic papels-(I can read, my brethren,
and hev that advantage over yoo)-insist on
adoptin HIM at our convenshun, and eff so, he
is our candidate
''Well see him
"Hold! said l, quickly. mo good demo-
KRAFT kin bolt regular nominashun, and after
all Horris is not the wust one we kin hev. Our
motto wuz principles, not men," We car
ried it out to the letter. We adopted princi-
pies: and ez for men, we come eZ near moth
In ez possible, under the circum-
stances. Troo, he is high protective tariff
man, witch don't suit Elder Pennibacker. but
the elder must remember that versateal Hor-
ris is willin, eff we will support him, to treat
the ishoo ez one to be settled by the people
elsewhere. He wuz an oppressor of the south
Kernel McPelter wood say. Troo, he wuz,
at times, and then again at times he wuzn't.
wacht the great and good Greedy for many
years. There amt no question that now re-
member NV Except slavery and the price NV
the New York Weekly Triboon) that he amt
bin on both sides Nv dozen times.''
Like the intoxicated indivijuel who Good
ent git into bed coz the bed was whiirln'
round, and who determined finally to Law still
and wait till the bed come round to him,
all that any question has got to do is to stay
still and Horris is certain to come round to it.
He bleeyed ,lavery wuz Unconstitutional and
yet wuz for payin the niger owners for the
Niger. He defended John Browns raid and
opposed secession. Then Immediately there
after he favored secession insisted on war
agin us for secedin, then urged the federal
hirelins on to Richmond, then tried to patch
up peace with us. He hez bin radical and
a conservative, a Fourierite and believer in
bran bread. He opposed Taylor and sup
ported him; he supported Linkin and oppos-
ed him. In short, he has been on all sides
NV all questions-one side to-day, t'other to-
morrow and very frequently both at the
same time. In short, don't kno Nv nothin
that he hezn't bin, and can't imagin nothin
that he amt extremely likely to be. 1 read
his record yesterday, and wuz wuss tore up
in my mind than ez tho l he'd bin on drunk
for week. Inever knowd more confusion
or intoXicatin readin." ..
But" said Deekin Pogram, ''are we, dim
icrats, to be compelled to vote for such
bundle of contradictions ?''
my aged friend,' 1 replied blandly, 'swood
you like to receive from me the triflin sum NV
one hundred and eighty dollars which / owe
700? Wood Bascom? Wood"
From every indivijuel in that awjence there
came up like the roar NV torrent, "Yes.''
On the question Nv my payfn my debts the
Corners are singerly yoonanimous. i.nz-'
"My brethren, the way to my liquidatin is
post orhs, and post orfis only. Eff wuz in
my old place, now occupied by that disgustin
Niger, Lubbock, 700 wood hev at least
chance for your money. Eff the great and
good Greeley is elected that niger goes out,
and go in. Pollock goes out Of the collec-
tors offs, and in goes Issaker Gavitt or Ker-
mel McPelter. Watkins, the niger assessor,
woodent be allowed to hold his place a min
nit, and that saint, Deekin Pogram, or that
other saint, elder Pennebacker, would be i'm
mejitely installed, and" s
(''Hear! hearp from Issaker Gavitt, Elder
Pennebacker, McPelter and Pogram-Kernel
McPclter earnestly lickin a man who INDUCED
in lafter.) .. lga
''In short, my brethren, we want the Off
sis. We hev been eatin grass like Nebuchad-
nezzar since 1860 with the excepshun of
Johnson's blessed years. and Pharaoh's lean
kline amt nothin to us. We hunger and
thirst for EN-. Wv course I'd ruther git nv
place back agin throo Breckenridge, but ruth
er than not hev it I'd take it from Wendell
Phillips hisself. Eff Greeley is necessary to
gettin them 60 for Greeley He may shift
ez fast ez he pleases, kin follow him. Put
that post offs in front of me, and eff he kin
shift faster than | kin, l hev over estimated
my powers in that line. He will insist upon
qualifcashens strenuously, but he hez his
own standard. He believes them that adj
mire Horris Greeley are, ex-offishio, fit for
any place under any government, and them
who don't amt wuth d-n for anything.
am talented at admiring SIGH men, am.
Pogram, Pennibacker, McPelter, and Issa-
ker Gavitt wuz entirely convinced, but there
wuz murmuring among the others.
You idiots, said l, sternly, ''is Grant a
republican"
ssHe SHE isv' -"
''Hev 700, ez democrats, anything to expect
from him ?" f-.f
ave hewitt" they replied.
ssDo you know the pecoolyarities Nv the
great and good Horris? We know what he
is to-day; we know what he wuz yesterday,
and SIGH of you ez ken read plain print and
write without running your tongues out, kin
assertane what he wuz before that. What he
hez been you know, but what he will be,
only the Almity, who knows all things, kin
tell, and no one but hisself supposes he is NV
sufishent account to be made the subject Nv
profesy. We are very certain NV republican
eff Grant is elected-we NAV hey republican
or a democrat, eff Greeley succeeds. It's an
even chance where he lites, with the per cent
in our favor, for Nv course the Republicans
will make fun Nv him, witch is the only thing
he never forgives. Ez an uncertainty is bet
ter than certainty, 'rah for Greeley.
They wuz convinst, and immejitly Gree
ley club was organized. In Cincinnati 1 he'd
embarkt in a speckulashun. he'd twenty
dollars from the money / he'd borrowed NV
Judge Davis's committee, and invested 'em
in fifty white hats Nv an ancient pattern, ex-
pectin' to sell 'em to the Greeley Club, WITCH
l intended to organize, at, say 81 so each.
After the club was organized, stated to 'em
that the yooniform must be the style NV dress
of our beloved chief; white hat and the
left pantaloons leg ON the top NV the boot leg,
and that he'd sekoored white hats enuff to
supply the club Here a difficulty okkurred.
In the entire party there wuzn't pair of
pantaloons which wuzn't worn off at least
three inches above where boot-top would
be, and it bein warm weather the aujence
was all barefooted. However, they took the
hats readily, and L stashened myself at ia
BILE to receive the cash for 'em. A profit NV
fifty-tive dollars wuzn't so bad. Alas how
human hopes are blighted! Bascom sed he'd
take them hats, collect the money for 'em.
and credit me on account! He did il. I
didn't get dollar Nv it! ."I
swallered it ez best mite, for 1t amt no
good to make a row about it. No one in the
Corners kin oppose Bascom, for he has all the
likker there IL. But we he'd jolliflcashun
over the organizashun. 1t wuz cheerin site
to see fifty men all in Greeley white hats,
drinkin the health NV the great Horris in
Bascom's new whisky! 1t was a cheerin site
to see the zeal witch the admirers of the
white-coated philanthropist, all in white hats,
went for SIGH nioOars thau found In, fla