The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1872-11-29
Danbury News.isms.

| The following paragraphs are taken
from various numbers of the Danbury
| (Conn.) Ne,os, paper whose locals are
often quoted and generally admired for
their quaint and goodnatured wit and
lively Insight into human natures:
| O, for thousand beavers to dam this
mud.
Numerous boys with worms are off
fishing this week.
Partridges in Beaver Brook are tame
enough to eat from the hand-when
properly cooked.
The Michigan newspapers are full of
been reduced to 81.
The terrors of death were somewhat
modified the past week by the pres
ence of bag-piperin town.
Tracts designed to meet the special
requirements of people who are putting
up stoves would have a good run just
| now.
To the anxious inquiry "How shall
we keep our boys in nights?" we would
| respectfully suggest total abstinence
from unripe fruits.
The weather bureau at Washington
has been secured by the indefatigab!e
Gilmore, and will contribute thunder
storm to the Jubilee.
We are rather proud of the solemn ap.
| pearance Ofour clerks. Wedon't believe
| one of them would laugh if he saw any
body fall down and break his leg.
Through the facility of our divorce
laws and the thoroughness of cholera
morbus, a Danbury man is permitted
to call six men by the endearing term Of
| "father."
They must have had the mumps in
virulent form up in Sherman. Every
| other person one meets ON the street
looks as IL he had been guessing at the
weight of mule.
Never oppress the weak. When pa
per of our own calibre appropriates our
items as its own we do not complain,
but the-and should be above
such business. We are orphans.
We didn't think there was anybody
| SO insane as to practice on holiday
with pistol loaded with lead, but As
there is such person in Danbury, we
hope he may be caught, and respectfully
| buried.
The boy that goes in swimming at the
railroad bridge with nothing to conceal
| his nakednesS but mole on his back is
| respectfully requested to either give NJ
that habit or change that mole to the
front.
A South street boy can make one hun.
dred and siXty.five ''faces" without sit
ting down. The feelings of his broken
hearted father, when reaching for him
with strap, can better be imagined
than described.
A choral association forming here
wants somebody to lead them. The peo.
pie who live next door to where they
rehearse are equally anxious for some
body to lead them and the further he
leads them the better these outraged
people will feel.
show much is that pie plant? ?" said a
dweler of quiet district to vender of
the material Saturday evening. "Sixty
cents" responded the dealer. Chow
much ?" whispered the dweller, strug.
Cling to catch his breath. "Sirty cents"
repeated the accommodating merchant.
"Can it be possible there is just heaven
above us ?" murmured the stranger.
Eyes. sir, ,"said the vendcr respectfully.
The stranger withdrew.
A Greenwich man has invented some
thing that goes into COW or horse and
brings out anything likean apple or po-
tat0 that may be misplaced. A good
deal of enjoyment in an animals eat
ing is marred by the apprehension of
accidents in swallowing. The Green
wich mans invention will be apt to give
the animal more confidence.
A Balmforth avenue man was obsrrv-
ed going up home this morning with a
gun that will carry at least an ounce
ball. As he lives next door to a young
man who is learning to play Rory
o. Moore on pair of cymbals, we have
} thought it best to print an extra number
of copies Of our next issue. Orders left
at the news stands or this Office will be
, attended to.
The few lines received on the death
of several individuals, in the past week,
, are respectfully declined. We don't like
. this kind Of poetry. We receive great
= deal of it, but we don't seem to harden
under it. Now if the authors of These
: affecting stanzas would only try to con
troll their feelings and not give away sC
TO the bitterness of their grief, it would
. be much better for them and for thost
depending upon them. They would finC
the world to be brighter; they would
Q grow purer and nobler themselves, and
' might in time. and we don't think it l.
i too much to expect-might learn Il
;, spell.