The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1872-04-13
VARIETY.

A common informer-We ebsters dictionary.
How to prevent milk turning into cream-Buy
it Of city milkman-
\ Toledo chap was quite smitten with his
neighbor's wife. She did it with a rolling pin.
The ''rOper boralix' is alluded to by Wis
consIn paper.
At what time was Adam married ?-On his
wedding Eve
IN. C. Cole, Sons and Daughter, -four mer-
chants,'' is the style Of a ST. Louis firm
Somebody says that every cord of wood given
to the poor is recorded above.
On week days you buy your music by the
sheet. On Sundays you have 1T by the choir
Mrs. Partington finds her chief objection to
Catholicism in the "enforced celebrity OF the
priesthood"
The highest Coloradian euphemism for bald
headedness-YOur head is getting above timber
line.
Boston-born people are mostly Unitarians, be
cnuse people who are born In Boston do not need
TO be born again.
Blessed is the woman who compOundeth pud-
ding in silence, for she is more to be enyied than
she who maketh tart reply.
Aspolite philosopher once thanked lady who
had been singing 20 a party for an hour, by the
remark MADAME you have wasted our time most
eharmingly-"
Kentucky girl says when she dies she desires
to have tobacco planted over her grave, that the
weed nourished by her dust may be chewed by
her bereayed lovers.
..Shrouds," |" exclaimed an old lady who was
listening to an old sea captains story, "what do
you have them at sea for :" ''To bury dead calms
in, ma am" replied the old salt.
4 Connecticut paper tells of n lawyer who
chi Ia11 E,ra a yrhp m hat
State and had but one case in all that time, and
that gas a case of finfammatOry Rheumatism.
PoxpERIxG-Horace Greeley is said to be in
retirement at present, pondering the great ques-
ton "WilI cundurango explode? ?"
Missouri gentleman who owned too many of
his neighbOr's horses, was hung while on his way
to vote (which remarks a cotemporary, sis
calculated to deaden ones interest in town poll
tics" .-..
Opelika, Ala, has created a sensation by the
new leap year mode Of eating philOpenas in that
place as reported by the local editor of the LO-
conaotire The young lady takes the almond be-
tween her teeth and the young gentleman bites
it of.
The Cleveland Leader says that musician,
who tried to blow a brass horn u recent cold
day, will not be able to let 90 until navigation
opens. .F-. --t -
A physician stopped at the door of a country
apotheeary and inquired for pharmacopoeia.
Sir said the apothecary, ''I know OF no such
farmer living about these parts. ="
The REsULT.-An Indiana Journal says that
since the authorities at La Porte placed red
headed girls on the street corners of nights, for
Illuminating purposes, tie number of male noe
turnaI pedestrians that find it necessary to hug
lamp posts to preserve their equilibrium is as
tOnishing-
A lady saws that the first time she was kissed
she felt like tub Of roses swimming in honey,
cologne, nutmegs and cranberries- She felt as
If something was running through her nerves on
feet of diamonds escorted by several little euplds
in ehariots drawn by angels, shaded by honey
suckles, and the whole spread with melted ram
bows
Recently the city editor of the Des Moines
Howal Register, died of intemperance, and his
death was announced in the Register
m-RoERED.
In the city of Des MOines, Dec 8, 1871, by
the agents and under the personal superintendehee
of his satanic majesty IN the 39th year OF his age,
j l.. GOOjsOn, city editor of the State Register
We trust" says the editor in chief OF the
Register, over his signature that those who
traffic in the poison which saps the soul well
as life. and for the infamy of dime, play the
mart of assassin will in this, and other terrI-
bic instances our city has lately had, the triumph
of their work of murder" +"
If there is any defect more striking than another
in American character 1t Is bashfulness. Young
America in particular is painfully affected by 1t.
An incident is mentioned by correspondent,
who was desired by his aunt TO 60 over TO neigh
Dor Shaw's and see if he had any straw for sale
for filing beds.
ssNIr. Shaw said our Informant, - was blessed
with a number of Misses Shaw, and l therefore
felt little timid at eneountering them. To make
the matter worse, I arrived just as the family
were seated at dinner.-Stopping at the doorway
hat in hand. stammered out:
Mr.. Straw, can you spare me enough shaw &c
fill, couple of beds2''
s'Well,'' replied the old gentleman, glaDcing
around at his large family, and enjoying my mis-,
take, s'I don't know but can how many viii
you need?'
Before I could recover, those hateful girls
bnrst into a chorur of laughter, and broke fol-
home in a cold sweat