Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1872-04-04
Humorous Readings.

When the wind serves, all aid.
Political capital-Private interest.
You can always have the law at cost.
Mere matter of form-Fitting a dress.
Center Of grayity-Quaker meeting.
Notice Of a peal-A flash of lightning.
How to make a clean sweep-Wash
him.
What fruit is the most visionary p
The apple Of the eye.
Why does a donkey eat q thistle p
Because he's an ass.
What is better than promising young
man "A paying one.
Follow love and it viii fee dee love
and it will follow thee,
There's one thing that can always be
found, and that's fault.
What can a man have in his pocket
when it's empty "A big hole.
He that loses his conscience has moth
ing left that is worth keeping.
Why are lawyers like ivy ?-Because
the greater the ruin the more they cling.
Poor men seek meat for their stomachs
rich men seek stOmachs for their meat.
o, for thousand tonguest said the
lad when lac crawled into a molasses
barrel.
Bulwer says poverty is only an idea
it's about the only idea some people
have
All the difference-Thea ancients urned
their dead, the mOderns earn theirl living.
Meekness is a virtue by which q man
may know a Christian better than by
/ his name
A miser's first rule in arithmetic is ad-
dition, but his heirs generally begin with
division.
Rev. Z. Z. Hale is denominated tho
/ missionary Munchausen," In LeypOldts
/ trade circular
Strange to say, no matter how well
paid dentist is, he always looks down
in the mouth.
Where ought we always to End the
milk of human kindness ?-In the pale
of the church.
Douglas JerroId once said to q very
thin man. "Sir, you are like q pin, but
without the head or the point.
The man whose hair turned white Ia
a single night is surpassed by the girl
who lost hers in one dance.
Note for Darwin: In time the null
berry tree become silk dress-aBd the
silk dress becomes a woman.
Philosophers tell US not to believe that
the rich are happy. But the question
is are they less unhappy?
Many poor country doctors are raped
up every night of their lives-not wrap
ped up warm, though.
A Vermont cotemporary is in favor
e g. sH,- shc r.
every grain of corn they eat they give
peck.
Massa Christopher Columbus was a
queer man, said negro orator. An no.
ton crossed him one day, and den he
crossed an ocean.
The word estate" spelled backwards
'etats" in French. II is not safe, how
ever, to learn French simply by going
back on your English.
A little girl asked her sister what was
chaos, that her papa read about? The
other replied that it was a great pile of
nothing and no place to put it in.
Why do they call Mr. kingsley Canon
Kingsley. mamma? asked a little girl
Because he Is one Of the big gums Of the
Church of England. my dear. was the
answer,
ROsseaus' saying was q true one. that
to write a good love letter Won ought 10
begin 10 without knowing what you
are going to write. and finish without
knowing what you have written.
Oh. grandma. cried mischievous ur-
chin, / cheated the hens 50 nicely inst
now. / threw them your gold beads,
and they thought they were corn. and
they ate them up as fast rs they could.
How many unfortunates have fallen
in war, said a spinstcr 10 a veteran gen
eral, who was also a veteran bachelor
Not 50 many, madam As have fallen in
love. was his testy reply.
It is recorded of Sidney Smith that be
was once asked 10y Landseer. the cele-
brated animal painter to sit for bis pOr-
trait. is thy servant dog that he should
do this thing was the reply Of witty
divine.
A widow raised to the third power Of
widoWhoOd has the photographs Of her
three departed lords in a group, with a
vignette Of herself i'm the center ard un-
derneath is the inscription, The Lord
will provide"
A woman applied to a magistrate the
other day for warrant a neighbor, say
ing, She called me 4 thief, your honor.
Can't | make her prove it? Perhaps
you can, quietly replied the magis-
trate. but if | were YOU / wouldn't
do IT,
Josh Billings says that the difference
between a blundcr and mistake is this
When man puts down a bad umbrella
and takes up a good one be makes e
mistake bnt whe put down q gocd one
and takes up q poor one ne makes a
blunder.
A lad arrested for theft, when taken
before "a New York judge and asked
what his occupation was, frankly an
swer. " Stealing" Your candOr as
tonishes me, said the judge. i thought
il would, replied the boy, "seeing how
many big 'uns there are in the same bust
as is ashamed to own it,
4 lady well known in Washington as
a lobbyist, always accOsts a stranger
with, Il think | have seen you some
where, which often leads to a clew for
her finding out the history of the party.
One evening she played off her usual
game on a gentleman who understood
her character, who replied, Most likely,
madam, for sometimes 20 there.
Rowland Hill being once annoyed by
his foot boy singing profane songs while
the knives and forks, ordered
him, under pain of dismissal, to sing
hymns. But as the work proceeded only
with the tune of the solemn yet slow
he was compelled TO tell the
boy to return to his old style Of piofaDe
music, otherwise his knives and forks
would never have been ready In time
for dinner
4 babv oil RI Iyualf dQv.r, IN ,,ra-
One morn. The mother said,
Ny. love, why do we ever say,
Give US our daily breadi
Why ask not for a week more<
The baby bent her head
In thoughtful mood toward the floor
We want il fresh she sain.
Troy MARKETs.-The Troy markets