Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1872-03-02

A Vermont contemp. rary is pa favor 81 keel
ing hens for the reason that every kenal Of
grain thcy'cai they give peck.
An old lady bear Auburn makes a salye
which she claims viii remove proud flesh, and
suggests a plaster Gr each church door.
We hear a great deal about labor reform,
but there seems o. be a greater need of reform
ing same Of those fellows who don't labor.
An Irisbman. describing the growth Of po-
tatoes IN lis native island, said as cinchcr.
@" An sure busbel OF them viii fil a barrel.
A good nan. who has seen much Of the
world and is not tired oft says " The grand
essential, to happiness are something to do.
something to love, and something to hope for.
MUD what you run after. Never beconten-
tel with bubble that will hurst, ola irewood
that will end in snake and darkness hut that
which you can keep. and which is worth keep
ing
The Supreme Court Of Massachusetts, bav-
inc decided that suicide is not a crime, those
who have committed it need no, be afraid to
return.
A policeman asked a drunken Hthiop
whom Pc could scarcely see in The dim light
ola cen. are yeu colorcd % CcloFcd, no.
Dis we're chile born So"
The Springfield Republican discovered that
some earrings ore long enough 10 touch the
shoulders. flats uotliue-s, ne Of them
touch the bottom Of iLe pocket
A eaution-Laura-" Oh. Amy you ought
never to wear ring on your tlird finger IN
less you are really engaged, Mamma saysito Of
ten prevents goud oler.'
How would you like to At on iury "
asked a gentleman ofa sir'ug minded old maid.
I'D as soou sit on a Ratchet, said the spin
ster. with a shake Of her boubaaue skirt.
Ifsmall girls are waits are large ones wa
frs? Certainly" says sweet sixteen; at
least the tays have tie habit ofaPpyiug them
to their irs Oh sealing their VOWS.
Il is sail Of Mr. Greedy that once at the mar
zee ortwo favcri,e young acquaintauces a
his. iu bis congratulations he honestly said lie
hoped al their troubles would be li'tle ones.
A guest az one Of the leading hotels in San
Francisco. found bis hair oil Disappearing aud
put iu tle hottie half an ounce of croton oil.
Ore of The servant girls is now hald-headed.
Gentlemen. have wou this cup by the use
Of my legs; ;lu>t may never b>e the use
Of my legs by the Use of tins emp were the
words Of a successful competitor iJr the prize Of
foot-raee.
Mr.. Taylor, Of Lafayette Ipl., thought lie
would shear his mules ,aiI The surgeon Is
assiiuous ia his attentions 70 1lr. Taylor.
A couple Of drunken yagabouds got into The
gutter, and after laundering some time. cue
Of tl.,u, u.uu,bIed, say, let's 60 TO another
bous- this hotel leaks
A GAINESVILLE. Wisconsin, paper saws thegirl
Of that town sleep with their cor>ets on.
When those WISCONSIN girls take a notion 10
be squeezed. they are going to be- even il they
have 20 have it done by machinery.
An iove,erate bachelor. who was asked ly
aranau,ic youug lady why he diduot secur,
sme nd ones company iu bis voyage on the
ocean e life, replied 81 would If l ver,
sure such an ocean would be paei6er
Saysau Iri>iuau writing home from Chica-
e, Sboor, tbercare uo ro"ple az abb IN the
most diu,cly population districts, aud thesiie-
walks is 10 tie middle ofthe ,thrc,ts."
A bride 10 Indiana, after ,hc conclusion Of
tie marriage ceremony, stepped gracefully
forward aud requested the clergy man 10 give
out the hymn, This is the way long have
sought
Tie following notice. printed on cOlored
carl-b ard, with a uice border, hangs upiu a
palace oitu>iuess 10 Rome, " y; Mebbe
you dou't peter bad loaf round here, ven you
don't sot some rccsiuess. amt It?'
A gentleman iu search of a nan 20 DO some
work net ou bis way aLisblyryspectaplc lady
not a, Young as She once was, and asked her
"Can YOU tel. me where can fad q man 2?
No. cannot, she replied, i1r I have been
looking these twenty years for Que myself
GoING IT, Waist" Our Jeem>' says he
dosent know what Co make Of tbe women.
'"Tbe other night. says be, "l thought I
bad favorable mom eut 90 cuflj a certain
young lady IN a loving embrace. when she
cody asked me what I was about
Making r1st places glad, according to
Scripture" says !.
You are mistaken in the person. says she.
81 never allow anything 90 20 90 waist"
WHAT PADDY WoULD Do.-A party of
young men were telling what they would DO
were they sbipwreckelfrmtu pan thesea and
len buar,tiug with the waves without plank
10 sustain them. Each one gave Dis opinion,
excepting Paddy Murphy who, after being
asked f,r Dis. replied: Balccs, o. ye Or
oowarily set Of spa'Peeu,; yea all De afther
saviu yourselves. au not tryiu' o. saccauuth-
CT. Why IT'S Paddy Murphy t.at would swim,
to shore au save himself. au chin come blcA
aud thry to save another
Women are never logical S.mcrra>tv ,nsu