The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1872-11-22
Humorous.

A Janesvile, Wisconn, girl fright.
ened her serenaders away by falling out
of the window.
"Kerosenility" is the latast character.
ization of old women wao are contia.
ually igniting themselves with kero.
sene oil.
Why was Robinson CruSOe unable 10
get up an oyster stew ? Because ne
hadn't the skill.it required.
Lock Haven has a man so bow legged
that he has his pantalOOns cut with a
circular saw.
The following questions are proposed
for discussion in a dehating society:
"How many is five? and why ?"
"What is ducks .? and how ?" SIS it or
is it not and whence ?"
In Iowa there blooms newspaper
which tells of a fire thus: John Bald
win of Grundy County, owned a defec.
tive flue. He doesn't own it now
Loss 5000.
| A young man hunting turkeys at
Kalamazoo, Mich, thought he saw one
in the grass, but a c)roner's jury decid-
ed that it was the head Of the farmer
who owned the premises, and was TAX
lug nap.
A lady in Lewiston, Me, has dress
which she has worn every summer for
twenty-five years. The dry goods men
look upon her with perfect scoru, while
she is beloved by every married man in
town.
Jane Howard, of Dubuque, wants
$4,000 because John Collins said she
would carry off stove if it wasn't TOO
hot and too heavy. People should he
careful how they converse about
stoves.
The Rondout Times has been victiu
lied by a travelling "j0uc." printer,
who is described as "a short scrs Why
individual, with more Jaw than gov
ernment mule"
The Albany (Ga) CeatrH city com.
pares Il lady on n dashi1g pslfrey TO "a
catfish sliding on Il slippery sun
bCln."
A California man tied Ole end of
, lu,iataround his waist and lassoal COW
twi II ihe other. lie thought he had tha
+ COW, =, tut at the end OF the first hall mite
he bssau to suspect that the cow had
him.
, The st. Louis G5o5e says: "When
, Boston man tries to wind his watch
: with the door key, he is a little ecc3r
trio. They don't sell whisky
I there"
A Bloomington, IId., jeHeIer adver-
y tises himself by furnishing an item n
r which il is stated that a irsiar enter
ell his shop with intent 10 steal, hatr2
>. treated, screaming "hce," terrified hy
, the glare Of diam mi the siz OF tea
t cup.
c A Parlsian laudiaiy requested =
q Christmas party on the third iiDOr to
l. cease dancing, as a man below was uy'
q ing. The guests HcquleSce !. Return.
:, ing an hour later, "NIy dear chiIdren,"
u she exclaimed, with the most baurvo
l. lent smile, "You may begin 0ga!n-
l. he's dead"
y Alady wished to have ner hu5baund's
II life insured in a Boston office the Other
8. day, giving as a reason that sac want
ed either husband or sOme money,
''she didn't care which" She never
III expected both at The same time.
~ A Main gentleman named Brick
NJ having an unfortunate proclivity to geI
CO himself in his hat, has publicly nouliaI
,ir all liquor dealers that he will prosecute
no to the full extent Of the law any oa'
~ ~ who sells TO him any Intoxicating be
~ verage.
-, "Sir," said an astOlishel laudiady q
au a traveller, who had just sent his cup loI
ast ward for the seventh time, "You mu'
u.s. be very fond of coffee" "Yes, mac
an. am, l am," he replied, ''or l neve
"a sho uld have drank so much water
u" get little.'
or. A superintendent ofpOlice made OaC
-, an entry in his register from which Il
II" following is an extract: 1.-The priso'
ap- er set upon me, called me an ass, a pr
cious dOIt, n scare crow, ragmuilin AZ
,ke idiot-all of which ] certify to
,ol. | true"
nps A grocer being solicited TO contribu
in. to the building of "A new churc
''P promptly subscribed his name TO t
at paper in the following eccentric ma
ing uer John Jones (tbe only place
his town where you can get llpounds go
the sugar for dollar 20 cents,
'ery A baby had the misfortune to sw
Ieat low the contents of an ink bottle.
re. mother, with wonderful presence
,ao4 mind, Immediately administered b
pse' of steel pens aud two sheets of fOOlsC
you paper, and the child has felt write e'
own since.
inc A short time since a Mr. Knott '
very tried in an interior county of GeOl
we're for violation of law. The vei dict
the the jury was, "We find the defend
ding Ioss onov wbsetheSS bs1tlhnSS 70 sontsnSe Knott or
IT. to sentence