Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-09-06
HunOr.

HumOr.
Old maids are called "belated sisters"
A pledge Of love-Pawning the engage
ment ring.
When thine enemy wrongs thee, buy each
Of his children drum.
Misery loves company, and SO does
manageable young lady.
Good intentions are like fainting ladies'
all they want is carrying out
A little temper is such good thing in
wives they never ought to lose it.
Why are handouts like guide books p
cause they are made for two wrists.
A miser's first rule in arithmetic is addi-
ton, but his heirs usually begin with divi-
sion.
A scolding wife in Milwaukee dislocated
her jaw bone while ''giying" it to her hus-
band.
If you have many creditors always carry
an umbrella and walk on the sunny side of
the street. a4
The Utica Observer gives the following
mot Of Gen. Grant: ''The penny's mightier
than the sword. .6 1z:=s44
Jones says be always gave Mrs. Jones
her own way, because its the only thing he
has to give her.
There is a time for all things. The time
to ''leave is when young lady asks you
how the walking is.
A baker has invented new kind of yeast
that makes his bread SO light that pound
loaf weighs only twelve ounces.
The Freeport Journal says "pairs are
abundant at that place, and front gates are
loaded down with them on fine evening"
In what way does lady treat manlike
telescope When she draws him out
looks him through, and then shuts him up.
"Will you marry me, Miss p ..Sir, you
know have often declared I would never
marry" Oh, yes, or I shouldn't have ask
ed you"
When lovely woman dons a "Dolly, and
finds, too late, men don't admire it.. she d |
better try some other folly, and 60 circus
rider hire it"
A New York nurse says: ''Tain't much
trouble to take care O. sick pussons most
On 'em don't want no him, and eff they do,
they don't cit it !"
Solomon says "a virtuous woman is a
crown to her husband" By ibis RUE the
most valuable of the sex is only worth one
dollar and ten cents
A suburban justice recently settled a case
in which a boy committed assault with pis-
tol by committing the lad and ordering the
pistol to be discharged .41.ys.
epatomeataterin' '-Ths was the note
sent by a farmer to the. school teacher in
the potato'digging seasons, to explain his
boys absence from school.
AT the marriage of a very young couple,
the other day, gentlemen inquired of la
dy what fruit the bride and bridegroom re-
minded her Of "a green pear," was the
reply.
"Does the court understand you to say
that you saw the editor intoxicated ?" ''Not
at all, only I have seen him so-so-furri-
ed in his mind as to attempt to cut out copy
with the shutters, that's all.
An Irish editor got out Of railroad car,
to take some refreshment, and the train
started without him "Stop, there" he
shouted, "stop ye ould stame wagin, ye hcv
got passenger aboard that's left behind''
An intoxicated man saw two cars passing
him the other evening with red and blue
lights in front and rear His fuddled brain
comprehended colored lights, and be was
heard to say to himself 'Must be pretty
sick-sickly here; they are running drug
stores around on wheels
The best Dolly Warden story yet, is told
of young lady in Little Rock, Arkansas,
who had very small kitten she named
Dolly Warden, but as it progressed in age
and other developments, she discovered that
it was not that kind of cat, SO she re-
christened it Thomas Warden.
Lawyer: ''How do you identify this
handkerchief 2" Witness s'By its general
appearance, and the fact that I have others
like it." Lawyer "Thst's no proof, for l |
kaye one just like il in my pocket" Wit
ness Il don't doabt that had more
than one Of the same sort stolen
"Why don't you wear your ring, my
dear Z" said father, in ballroom, to his
daughter. because, papa, it hurts when
any one squeezes my hand" 'What bus.
mess have you to have your hand squeezed 90
Certainly none but still, you know, pa.
pa, one would like to keep it in squeeza-
BILE order"
BoB-"Jim, de men don't make such
fools of themselves about women, as de wo.
men do about men. If dey look at &c moon
dey see man in it. If dey hear mouse
nibbling it's man and dey all look under
de bed de last ting at night to find man.
Why l nebber looks under my bed to find
woman, does you p
Sambo lost dog, the tail of which he
finally found and recognized lying in the
street in front of sausage.shop, upon
which the darkey exclaimed, as be pointed
to certain well-flled skins hanging in the
window, while he held up Carlos tail, II
won't say muffin agin dat ere sausage shop,
but I know where my dog is"
Little boy. "Be you the drugger man ~
Druggist eyes, sonny. What can do
for you p
Little boy. "Dad has got 'em in agin
His boots is full of 'em, and he's howlin'
like thunder, and mother sent me over to
oct suthin for him quick"
Druggist. "What does he want?"
T,;ttie how. "Don't know; but he is