The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-08-20
A WOMAN'S IDEAS.
BY JOSHUA ALIENS WIPE.


what new and glorious and soarin' ideas
that man has got into his head"
/" Let him SOAR" says l coolly, "it don't
hurt me none"
Sez she "He is too soarin' sole to be
into this cold unsympathizen' earth, he
ought by good right, to be in warmer
spear"
Sez coldly, and almost frigidly," From
what have heard of his lecture, think so
too, good deal warmer"
Before could free my mind any further
about Prof. Gusher and his doctrine, / had
a whole houseful of company came, and
Betsey departed.
The next day Prof Theron Gusher came.
Josiah was to the barn thrashin, beans,
but received him with kan dignity. He
was harmless lookin' little man with his
hair parted right in the middle, and he sez
to me most the first thing after he sat down.
"You believe in wimmin's havin' right
don't youP"
eyes sir" says keenly lookin' up from
my knittin, "Just as many rights as she
can get hold of, rights never hurt nobody
yet"
"worthy sentiments" sez he, "and you
believe in free love don't you?"
"How free?" sez cody.
"Free to marry anybody you want to and
as long as you want to, from J a day, up to
5 years or so."
"No SIR" sez sternly, 81 believe in
rights, but don't believe in wrongs, and
of all the miserable doctrines that was ever
let loose on the world, the doctrine of free
love is the miserablist. Free love ~ re-
peated i'll indignant tones, "it ought to be
called free deviltry, that is the right name
for it," sez |.
He sunk back on his chair, put his hand
to his brow and exclaimed wildly
"My soul aches, thought had found a
congenial spirit, but am deceiyed-my
breast aches, and sighs, and pants" He
looked so awful distressed, that l didn't
know what allied him and looked pityin'
on him from over my spektakles-and
says to him just as 1 would to our Thomas
Jefferson:
"Mebby your vest is too tight"
"Vest ~ he. repeated in wild Ntones.
"Would had no worse trammels than
store clothes, but it is the fate of reformers
to be misunderstood. Woman the pain is
deeper, and it is a gnawin me-"
His eyes wuz kinder rooled up and he
looked so wilted and uncomfortable, that l
says to him, in still more pityin' accent.
"Haint you got wind on your STUN
muck, for if you have, pepperment essence
is the best stuff you can take, and will get
you some"
Wind p he almost shouted, "Wind,
no it is not wind" He spoke so delerious-
ly that he almost slsairt me, but KEEP up
my placcid demeanor and KEEP on knittin
Woman sez he {" would right the
wrongs of your sect if l could. bear in
my heart the woes and pains Of all the
aching female hearts of the 10 centurys."
My knittin' dropped into my lap, and |
looked up at him in surprise and says to
respectfully.
" No wonder you groan and lithe, it must
hurt awfully."
at does hurt" sez he "but it hurts
sensitive spirit worse, to have it mistook
for wind"
He see my softened face, and and he
took advantage of it and went on,
IA 4, 4
25 years, haint you never felt slavish in
that time, and felt that you wonld gladly
unbind yourself"
Never y sez I firmly, "Idon't want to
be unbound"
Haint you never had yearnings, and
longings to be free?"
"Not yearn," sez l kamly, "not a
yean. If ] had wanted to remain free,
shouldn't have give my heart and hand to
Josiah Allen. didn't do it deleriously,
had my senses" Says "You can't sit
down and stand up at the same time, each
situation has its advantages, bnt you can't
be in both places at once, and this tryin'
to, is what makes so much trouble amongst
men and women. They want the rights
and advantages Of both stations to once
they want to sit down, and stand up at the
same time, and it can't be did. Men and
wimmin haint married at the pint Of the
bayonet, they go into it with both their
eyes open. If anybody thinks they are
happier and freezer from care without bein'
married, nobody kompels EN- to be married
but if they are, they hadn't ought to want
to be married and single at the same time,
it is unreasonable. tu