Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1872-03-28
Rrevities and LeFities.


| chewing gum is the only amusement, the
bride and groom, to showetheir implicit
faith in each other, put theirarms around
each others waist, and snapped cuds.
~" \ convention of old maids is to
he held at Little Rock, Arkansas, to
gain true knowledge of the nature and
attributes Of men," Matrimony is the
shortest road to the knowledge they are
in search Of.
5zN. During the trial ola case, wit
ness persistedin testifying to what his
wife told him. To this, of course, the
attorney objected. He would proceed
again to tell "shust how it vas when
the attorney sang out: CHOW do you
know that?" "AIy wife told me-" WAS
the answer. This was repeated several
times. Presently the Judge, becoming
unable to contain himself longer, inter
rupted, "Supposc your wife wero to tell
YOU that the heavens had fallen, what
wo,ild you think?" "Vcll, dink dey
vas down!
Azs" An Ohio man ass.Gedn married
scventy-Gvc years, and l!jShndiiIis Iiotil-
cr-in-law as bcartIcr during the whole
time. Although she is now lbs years
old, there seems to be 10 prospect for his
immediate relief.
GH' 4 Mississippi PAPER wants to
know if the ingenious Yankee who IN
vented the Female Regulator" ncdi-
cine can't get upa "nail regulator be-
tween Vicksburg and New Orleans.
tSt~ \ French countess siezed a phi
losopher at the supper table and excaim-
cd, "Whilc they arc cutting up the fowls
and we have got five minutes to spare,
do tell me the history of the world, for
| want to know it SO much"
NJ. An Irish soldier, passing through
meadow, near +, q large masliil ran
at him, and he stabbed the dog with Il
sword That he had in his hand. The cmas-
ter of the dog brought him before the
nlavor. who asked him why he al not
rather struck at the dog with the buL-cnd
of his weapon? so | should, said the
soldier, if he had run at me with his
tail.
sy a little girl rcmarkcdto her mann
ma. ON going to bed: "I'm not afraid of
thcdark." 1No, of course you arcnot,"
replied her mamma. 81 was Il little
afraid once, when went into the pantry
in'thc dark to get a tart" "What were
YOU afraid OFF," asked her mamma, 81
was afraid 1 could not find tho tarts."
ny- A Virginia couple went to Il par
son to be married, but, havingonly twen-
ty five cents, he refused TO do it for SO
small Il fee. The girl, however, with
tears in her eyes, besought him, If he
could not marry them. in full, to 40
soto the extent of twenty-five cents, and
complete the job some other time. This
L., e. no r.
ried them "full up" and they departed
happy.
r Wasn't it rough en- Glare, just as
she was telling Frederick at lunch how
ethereal her appetite was, to have the
cook bawl out: Say! will ye have yer
billed pork and beans now, or wait till
yer feller's gone
~ Mrs. Burbage, of st. Paul, placed
frozen mince pie on the stove to thaw
the other day, when the rascally thing
exploded, scalding her little boy mon
strously. Everything nowadays seems
to explode, except the reports OF Radical
corruption.
ny- Northern man" How does the
RTnublican party take in the South ?"
Southerner-h Like it does everywhere
everything it can get its hands on"
sY- The difference between war and
peace has been well defined by ono of the
ancients. In time of peace, the sons
bury their fathers; in time Of war, the
fathers bury their sons.
LEY Mr.. Ferguson, Mrs. Ferguson and
their child, late of Michigan, made their
ultimate attempt, last week, to kindle n
fire with non-explosivo OIL" They sleep
in the valley.
as- Scene in horse car-Car stops !;
smiling young lady enters; every seat
full. An old gentleman rises at the op-
posite end. "oh, don't rise" said the
lovely girl, 81 can just as well stand"
ii don't care whether you sit or stand" :"
he replied, 81 m going to get ont"
ms-At n school where words were
"given OUT for subjects in composition,
n & mute inglorious Milton" produced a
sirht at this sentence on the word "pan-
egyric": GA few drops of panegyric,
given on large lump of sugar, is often
Best for an infant with the stomach
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