Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1872-08-10
HUMOROUS.

cannot endure any reference to dates.
A capital misunderstanding
money.
A movement in real cstatc.-
Earthquakes.
Is A lamp at any time in a bad
temper? Yes; when it is put out.
ADAM SMITH defined man as an
animal that makes bargains; no
other dog does thiS-no dogs eX-
changes bones with another.
TIE greatest "pain annihiator"
in existence is said to be Il boy who
has smashed 1000 windows this
year.
IT WOULD ruin England iishc hired
DR.. Livingstone to make his cXpIo-
rations at so much a month "and
found"
A KENTUCKY editor says a neigh
Dor Of his is so lazy shat when he
works in the garden he moves about
so slowl y that the shade Of his bread
brimmed hat kills the plants.
A PITTSBuRG person suggests pa
per bcefstoaks to take the place Of
the leather article now common at
restaurants in that city.
WHILE sunlight is the most favor.
able to haymaking, it is a well,
known fact that wild oats are the
best sown by moonlight.
AN Iowa clergyman, who wears a
white hat which he bought ten
years ago, is in terrible row with
his church, which doesn't like polit-
zeal preachers.
NERVOUS old lady to deck hand
on steam boat: "Mr. Steamboat
-, a. - f-,-.. - lo..e.~.. ~
Dock-hand (caroles8Iy); "Plenty of
fear, ma'am, but not a bit Of danger
THE following now definition is
suggested for the forthcoming cdi-
ton OF Webstor's Unabridged. Tom
ahawk- an agricultural implement
chiefly used for raising the hair.
A WEALTHY baker of Now York
has gone to some expense in having
a coat of arms invented and cmblaz-
oncd for him. lie has adopted .
loaf for his crest, which somc of his
ncighbors are wicked enough to call
his crust. This probably to show
that he has risen. and is well bred.
A WRITER of the Troy Times gives
the following curiouspiecc of warn
ing: "An old writer said that when
canons were introduced as negotia
tors, tho cannons of the church
were useless that the word was
governed first by mitrum, and then
by nitrum-hrst by ST. Peter, and
then by saltpctsr.'
Mr.. BILLINGS is n little mysterious
when he says: "Natur luys mystc-
rys, it is the misery's ov natur that
makes mankind respectful. lfnatur
showed all the kards she held in her
hand most emmy boldly would think
they could beat her. But natur
makes us guess at about ono,halt we
know, and then latIs at us, in her
sleeve. bokauzc we don't git it right.
A STRIKING moustache at Saratoga
is thus described: 1t is one of those
formidable birsute appcndagcs that
instantly ovcrcomcs young ladies,
and in n twinkling awcs civilization
in general. In dimensions it is ten
inches over all, and two inches
breadth of beam. Tho design is
simply forocious, and frightcns lit
tic children, who flee in terror at
the first glance at it, and scling to
their nurses for protection. In ar
chitectural design it is peculiar and
quito original, and the cXtromitios
are unwaxed and persuaded to point
forward like the claws OF the ami
able lobster.
UP IN the Lchigh Valley there is
a hotcl-keeper who has a mountain
about n quarter of Il mile from his
honsc, and it occurred to him that
it would bo a good idea if he could
fix things SO that a magnificent echo
could be heard from the mountain
by persons who stood at his hotel
and hallowed. SO he engaged aboy
to sccrctc himself behind a clump OF
trees, with orders to repeat the
words of any ono talking on the
roof of the hotel. Aflor practicing
to make sure, the landlord announc-
cd one day his discovery of the echo,
and took up n lot Of people to enjoy
it. They called for half an hour
but no echo responded. At last,
when the landlord had become Grim
son with rage, and was about to
give in, the echo came, but not in
the shape expected. 1t said: "Bip
down to the spring for mother. Fire
away now. I'm all right" The
guests smiled, and mine host sudden
ly disappeared. 1t is dangerous now
to mon ION the word "ccho" in that
hotol.
A party OF Costa Ricans, with DIR.
Jose Maria Montealegre, formerly
President of Costa Rica, at their
henI. have purchased the lands in