Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1872-05-31
A Husband Who Couldn't Appreciate
the Dolly Vardens.

If husbands are to be mistaken in
''Dolly Warden" dresses, as was an
unfortunate husband in Philadel-
phia, the sooner the fashion is
squelchcd the better will it be for
the peace of society. The husband
in question one night missed from
the supper table his wife Matilda,
and inquired of his little boy
whittier had she gone, and just at
that moment the dining-room door
opened and a lady entered. The
husband observed a wild look in the
eye, and also noticed that she was
attired in an outlandish style, hav-
ing on, as he says, dress with
sunfowers, and cabbages, and
pumpkins worked all over it, and a
lot Of snakes squirming round for
background.
Rising, the man said, "Madam,
whom do you wish to sce?" and
then said aside, "Poor thing, she's
crazy" That last remark settled
the business for him, as the weird
female made a bolt and tightly
grasped his adams apple, and chok-
ed him until his face assumed the
color of a banner of the Commune,
After she had Topped into chair.
and with tears coursing each other
down her cheeks, exclaimed: "That
| should ever live to hear my hus-
band, say that l was crazyw This
amused the husband, and elevating
himself to his full proportions, he
said:
"You can't blame me, madam, for
supposing you an insane woman,
and now that l know you are really
the mother of these interesting chill.
dren, will you have kindness TO re-
tire to the sancity of your chamber
and peel yourself of that piece of
furniture chintz, or window cur
tain, or whatever it is you call it?"
Window curtain chintz" said the
spouse; "why, it's-you that's out of
your head. That's Dolly Warden,
and very pretty pattern, too"
"Madam," replied the husband,
eve may be out of our head, but if
that is Dolly Warden, we are most
decidedly out of pocket. Why, it
looks like a circus dress; and the
idea of a woman at your time of
life"
"My time of lifc!"
ayes, your time of life. The
next thing, suppose, you will be
practicing the trapeze act in the
back yard. Why, it is enough to
give a man the deliriun trenaens to
look at it. Who ever saw such a
pattern? Ms flash wallpaper run
mad. You look exactly like some
japanese tea sign. And now just
bounce out of here with the Fejee
battle flag, or you'll scare the baby
to DEATH"
There was an ominous pause for
4 moment, and then the eldest daugh-
ter said: -
"Why, you ought to be ashamed
of your self father. It's all the
style, and l am going to have one,
too; there now." eyes and l want
one; all the girls have got them"
Thus spoke Maria, the second eldest.
"Any more?" gasped the husband;
care there any more? Hadn't the
baby better have one? l guess I'll
get one myself. How do they make
up for pantaloons? Ha! ha! ha!
Economically Let me have Dolly
Warden. Let me clutch. it. Bring
me n pattern of monkeys scaling
lampposts. How would a Chinese
puzzle look, or map Of Fairmount
Park? All the rest is blank.
The unhappy husband has just been
liberated from an asylum, and pro-
nounced cured. But the only way
they managed it was to dress him
up in Dolly Warden, marked out
with the ground plan Of the streets
Of Boston.