The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1872-03-21
O!le UriOu,le.
SHORT PARAGRAPHS.

u.uSl tli1h.
A good medicine after too much duck
is quack pill, we are told.
1t is said that cork screws have sunk
more than cork. jackets have ever saved.
a widower was recently rejected BY
damsel who didn't want warmed
over" man.
In Chicago, the other morning, a
young man named Phoenix arose from
the hashes Of the Briggs House.
Abusing ones relations in the bosom
OF ones family, is said to be one of the
sweetest of domestic privileges.
A celebrated author says that no letter
Is ever commenced without the first page
being an apology.
The last sensation novel is, we hear, to
be entitled ''The Poisoned Gum Drop :;
or, the Candy Woman Revenge"
French dressmakers say that an Ameri-
can customer is worth more to them than
three of their own countrymen.
Open air aud cold water are recommend
e. by celebrated physician as the best
cosmetics for the complexion.
1t is a mooted point among Irish theo-
iogians, whether or not Abraham mis-
cegenated when he fell in love with an
Agar.
The only remark the Grand Duke is
said to have made in indianapolis was,
"Hoopenkoif, whoopmeup Viski Kaw-
tale"
A Pennsylvania ladies' man says be is
never satisfied that his lady friends under
stand q kiss, unless he has it from their
own mouths.
A book has been exhibited in London,
whose contents are "thirty-three thou
sand, five hundred and thirty-fve ways
of spelling scissors. y
A young lady wants to know whether
girl may be sure a man love her unut-
terably when he sis in her presence for
an hour without speaking.
A man who was told by clergyman to
rememb Der Lot S wife. replied that he had
trouble enough with his own, without re-
Numbering other mems wives
A western editor speaks of his rival as
"mean enough to steal swill from blind
hog ~ The rival retorts by saying
He knows he lies; I never stole his
swill"
A young gentleman who had just mar
ried little beauty says: She would
have been taller. but she is made of such
precious materials that nature couldu's
afford it,"
A well-known author says that nothing
battles curiosity, eludes pursuit, and gen.
orally mystifies the human intelligence
like the plain, simple and unvarnished
truth.
A wife having lost her husband, was
lnconsolable for his death. Leave me
to my grief" she cried, sobbing, "you
know the extreme sensibility of my nerves
"a mere nothing upsets them p
A minister once prayed 10 Lord,
we thank Thee for the goodly number
here to night, and that thou also art here,
Notwithstanding the inclemency of the
weather"
An excellent mother, in writing to one
of her sons on the birth of bis eldest
child, says :-''Give him an education,
that his life may be useful; teach him
religion, that his death may be happy"
Il am afraid said lady to her hus-
band, that [ am going to have a stiff
neck. " Not at all improbable, my
dear, replied her spouse, Il have seen
strong symptoms OF it ever since we were
married. -
A sagacious boarding house keeper up
town encourages the practice of drinking
bitters before meals He says that a
boarder who INDUCES in cocktails is very
expensive to feed for awhile, but that his
eventual loss of appetite is certain and
compromising.
Mister, how do you sell sugar to-day"
Only twenty cents pound, sir. Can t
give it. III drink my coffee without
sugar, and kiss my wife for sweetening.
Good day, sir 4" Good day. When you
you get tired of that kind of sweetening,
please call round again" II will" He
called next day.
AS judge was delivering his decision
in a case the other day he was interrupted
by the vociferous braying of donkey un-
| der one of the windows of the court
room what is that?" testify asked tie
judge, whereupon the lawyer against
whom he was deciding the case arose and
remarked at is merely the echo o.
the court. your honor
An economical Iowan, who had tooth
ache, determined to remove his tooth il
the Indian fashion. Accordingly be ben
down sapling in the woods, lay dowr
himself, and attached a stout cord to hi
tooth and the sapling. Then he touched
the spring. and the next he knew be hac
Jumped over a grove Of about forty SINAI
trees, and was trying to get out of 6
small pond that he happened to alight in
''Now, children" said Sunday-schoo
| gentleman visitor, who had been talkin:
to the scholars about good people ant
bad" people-''now, children, when
am walking in the street, speak to som
persons | meet, and | don't speak t.
Ia -. Al. 2,I III