The Van Buren press., 1872-04-30
An Essay on Hair

didn't go out with Samson, however.
although it was, the occasion of Sam
sons going out. He may have been a
man of brains, although wearing his hair
Of an extravagant length is against that
supposition. A great many men don't
wear their hair long-on the top of the
Lead. Multitudes don't wear it longer
than twenty five years.
That naughty young man Absalom
wore his hair long in order to catch the
girls, but it caught tho,limb Of beech
tree one day AS he was riding steepla
chase, and Absalom was absolutely fix
ed.
There are two periods in human life
when short hair is the prevailing fash
ion-infancy and old age In the first
period our hair is short, and in the sec
ond we are apt to be short of hair. III
The crowning glory Of woman is,
said to be her hair; and it is hers
if she has paid for it, have seen wo-
mans hair fixed up so it looked like
morning. glory. The art of doing up
hair according to the fashionable re.
quirements Of the dayis difficult one to
attain, aud woman that masters it fully
must give her whole mind to it, 1t is
remarkable how little mind is sometimes
giyen 70 this gigantic task.
Men cant DO up hair worth q cent
saw man doing up his wifes hair once.
though. She had carelessly left it lying
on tho bureau, and he was doing it up
to carry away md sell to get money to
buy rum with. y She caught him in the
act and charged him with it, but he said
it was false
1t is related of certain Spartan women
that when their city was once besieged
for long time, and bows pretty much
exhausted Ia long siege is very exhaust,
ing on bcaux }, they made bowstrngs of
their long and beautiful hair, which SO
inspired the Spartans that they fought
with redoubled courage and vigor. thus
beating off their assalants, which they
were bound to do if they had a particle
Of gallantry about them. II women of
the present day should make their
switches into b0wstrings, ] am afraid
they would be Of little account in fight,
Jutc doesn't work up into bowstrings
worth a cent, although it frequently
serves to get beau "on q string.
Women, as rule, prefer men with n
good head of hair. Many a man, in
search OLA wife, has lost his suit because
he wasn't sufficiently hirsute. Another
man may be iiirsuto and not suit her,
But so it goes.
Baldpess is. no respecter Of persons.
II attacks alike the head Of the family
and the head Of Tho nation. The Prince
of Wales is said to be nearly bald. To the
crown ne is heir apparent, but there is
very little hair apparent on his crown.
Badness is rarely cured when it once
becomes firmly seated. Preparations for
bringing out the hair are only successful
as q general thing, In bringing out what
hair there was left when the patient re-
sorted to them. Our colored brothers
rarely become bald, even when the wool
crop Is a dead failure. We often hear of
awhile man being black balled, but it is
only occasionally that we see black
bald.
A man intro wig business gravely as
sured me not long ago, that badness is
know how many feet it is gaining, but |
find it is getting ahead Of me.
Ialways liked bald headed men l new.
er todd them TO COUP" when | was a
boyI oohStking they were sufficiently
gohc up, as far as hair was concerned.
Bald men may not always get to be fore
handed (exccpt in four-handed game
of seven.np), but they can show an
abundance Of fore head and four heads
are. better than one head-if one is a bald
head.--"Fat Contributor, Cincinnati
Times. ~ tEt
PAr's PIrTY.-Pat was an idle boy.
One day he was called up and the ques
ton propounded by the pedagogue: &
"How many Gods are there =
Pat was not distinguished thcologi-
an, bnt quickly answered:
".Three, sir. !" rrs.
stake yeur seat 7" thundered the mas.
ter, land II you don't answer in five
minutes, will welt you. asJ
The probationary passed, and Pat,
taking the door, hesitatingly stated the
number to be "five, cir. 90 nao
He received tho promised welting, aud
returned to bis seat ten minutes for con-
sideration.
Ten minutes up, Pat was up too. and
satisfied that he hadn't fixed the number
sufficiently high before, shouted out:
.There's ten. sir. -
lie saw the ferule descending, and
breaking out Of the door, be cleared a
fve.rail fcnco and run like a quarter.
horse across the meadow. Painting with
exhaustion, he met lad with book in
hishand, and with look Of ono in pur.
suit Of knowledge under difficulties, he
asked: f7e6el
"wherc are you goingf"
40 school, yonder," was the reply
SHOW many Gods are there ~
Gone, answered the boy.
swell, you'd better not go down there
Ydu'H have good time with your one
Sod. just left there with ten, and that
wasn't enough to save me the darndes
licti0g you ever heard oE'hfA y i NJ
.slss sa7sS fs..a9gle.t has 81. itsn1,g
A lKnoHa w its works-Iarta
'I.srA ~.d8aFFrfH W a. .TW.hIII.
kV- Comnon scuse--Cenius in work
ing dress. 8ual 81
.Nsn . ~ =. srsvff.s.t
ET A handy tune--Fortune. It. il
not common meter.
t. -tffF1g t.u. az -. = = .rss =