The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1872-02-09

An 1llin0isan VINO JOcularly appllpu
his tongue to an iron fence is waiting
for the January thaw.
Blorgs had his nose pulled, and was
asked by friend to resent 1t. He said
he would next tweak. t...
An undertaken in Mount Vernon ad.
vertises coffins made and repaired on
short notice. ..
Corrinne, Utah, proposes a mammoth
hotel, which will probably be bigger
than the rest of the town.
The prisoners in the idaho Penitenti
airy have announced that they will not
remain in the place unless they are sup
piled with tobacco.
"Those who buy tombstones of Us
look with pride and satisfaction on the
graves of their friends" Is the adver.
tisement ofa Western stone cutter.
A noble red man drank fire water to
excess, planted his wigwam on Min
nesota railroad, aud soon departed to
the happy hunting grounds.
The Boston Post says: zone ihous
and saddles Of venison are waiting at
ST. Cloud, Mimi, for some one to stir
rup the transportation companies"
A little girl, when asked by her
mother about suspicious little bites in
the sides of dozen choice apples, an
swered, "Perhaps, mamma, they may
have been frost bitten"
A lady in London got the idea into
her head that the devil was in her, and
hung herself. If women will go hang
themselves for little thing like that,
they are going to be scarce, that's all.
A clergyman once posted the follow
ing notice on the gate of the church:
"Found-TwO hats on my strawberry
bed. The owners can have them by
proving property.
A Kansas papers COW obituary says:
"There is not a farm wagon in tho
country that she has not stolen some,
thing out of; not gate in town that
she has not opened; and the stones
that have been thrown at her would
make five miles of turnpike.
A man swapped his horse for wife.
| An old bachelor acquaintance said he'd
bet there was something wrong with
the horse, or its owner never would
have fooled it away in that manner.
Among the competitors for the darn
ing prize lately offered in the Georgia
State Fair, one lady presented stock
ing so neatly mended, that the Judges
couldn't find the mark of a needle about
the darned thing.
The attention of two drummers was
attracted to peculiar chimney on
house in Virginia, and asked a haxen
haired urchin if it "drawed well."-
eyes," replied the boy, sit draws the
attention of all the fools that pass this
road"
A man in Danbury discovered that
powder fried in lard was good for bo1ls.
He tried it. The stove cover Is in the
second story now, though most sll the
rest of the stove has been collected. he
was deceived in his lard he says.
"What would you do if mamma
should die? asked lady with whom
we have the honor of an intimate &C.
quaintance, of little three year-old
girl that we wouldn't take a hundred
dollars for. "Well, mamma" was the
J melancholy response, 81 'spose should
have to spank myselfW
"Smoking in Holland" says the
Boston Post, sis so common, that, when
party meet in room and any one
present is wanted, the waiter goes round
with pair of bellows and blows the
smoke from before each face, that he
| may distinguish the individual called
for"
A Utica paper declares that New
, England fair consisted of a calf, a goose
and pumpkin. 1t rained so hard the
, first night, that the goose swan off, the
calf broke loose and ate the pumpkin,
and a thief prewiing around stole the
calf, and that ended the fair.
A mamma in the rural districts late
ly gave her tive-year- hopeful fish
= ing tackle. Soon she heard O shout
4 from Willie, and running out, found
|, one of her best hens fast winding up
9 the line in her crop, wither the hook
= had already preceded it. While obServ-
ing the troubled look of his mother, he
quietly remarked, "DOn't worry, moth
er; she will stop when she gets to the
v pole"
A cute Yankee went into liquor
d store and asked for half gallon of
whiskey, to be poured into gallon jug.
4 This was done; but when payment was
: demanded, the man refused, and the
y liquor was emptied out. The would he
l. purchaser had probably anticipated
e something of this kind, as he had pre-
n viously filled the jug half full of water.
AS he left the store his face was radiant
and his jug half full of drinks, nicely
IS mixed.
Just as traveller was writing his
name on the register of LeavenWc rlh
hotel, ed-bug appeared, and took is
way across the page. The man paused
= and remarked :-"I'Ve been bled by st
~" Joe fleas, bitten by Kansas City spiders
10 and interviewed by Fort Scott gray
d backs, but I'll be shot if was ever il
" place before where the bed-hugs look.
ar ed over the hotel register to find out
. where your room was ~
le Mr.. Copley, the celebrated portrait
as painter, once met a lady in the street
;. who said to him, "Ah Mr.. Copley
~ have Just seen your likeness, and kiss
s' ed it because it was so much like you.
And did it kiss you in return?' h
asked. "Why, no." was the reply
he "Then," said Copley, sit was not like
=. me-"
yh 1.-THE Ne,cs says they cleaned house
v, at the domicile of the editor of tn
or Litchfield Enquirer last week. The ed
-. itor was called home and entTuste
~ with the artistic operation of painting
ne the kitchen chairs, He finished one {
"a them and sat down on it to paint III
Dis others. They had to build fire unde
IN the chair to thaw him of. 1t RUNE
Al the chair, but he has had a bay windoN
set in his pants, and they are noN
about as good as new."
-, Judge Cash once had a dog case, /
Gu which the ownership of the canine WI
ls- in dispute. The evidence was conflic
ng ing, and the Judge became confused.
,ly "StOpW said he; "stop right her
,h Well settle the matter very shortl
'"' You, Mr.. Plaintiff, go out into the #
Sc, corner of the room out there. Yo
nd Mr.. Defendant, come into this corn
he up here. Now both of you whistle, al
Nj Tlarly Lot lnpSa tho don