The Van Buren press., 1872-05-07
lg The latest Dolly Warden refrain !
Leap-Year Felicitles.

Nonul II #,
First called on my liquid eyed bru-
netta friend Miss Sallie Morris. Of Mad
ison avenue. Now I've spent q good
deal of money on Miss Sallic for operas,
bouquets, Delmonico lunches. otc. I've
been trying for two years to win her af-
fections.
Last night. full of love and hope. |
rang old Morris door bell In mo
ment Miss Sallie was by myself on the
retired sofa After speaking OF the com
ing opera. | felt her yslvet hands touch
mine.
DO you know, Mr.. Perkins" she
said. looking me straight in the face,
that to-day is our proposing day p
"Wel, suppose so, l remarked
modestly looking down at her mosaic
bracelet,
"Well, you know; Eli, my dear Eli
that have been out with you a good
deal"
yes" replied. beginning to fcol
embarrassed,
"You know, my dear, she said, talk
ing both Of my hands, that it is costing
me good deal for dresses and gloves,
and -
"And costing me good deal for car
riagss. boquets, aud Dsmonico lunches
interrupted, with increased embarrass-
ment.
"And while have enjoyed myself all
winter going with you, Eli -
"Ia expensive carriages to the Acad
smy and Dalmonico's, | suggested
"Yes, while | havs been happy TO go
a,ssre with you'll feel feel--Oh, my
de@ Eli, | ion't know how to say what !
want to r. ana then the beautiful child
hid her face on my bosom.
do not fear my answer, beautiful
one" said, soothngly, "What is it
that weighs upon your sorrowfu heart .
"0h. Eli, it is love-" she said, sob.
hing wildly. and twisting her jeweled fin
gers in my Auburn hair.
"Heavsp be praised, - | sighed, ns
felt the beating Of her heart against my
vest "For whom is this love, darling r
O asked. d" for you know am deeply in
,tercsted iN yea. V
"Yoa will not be mad with me, Eli p
."No, sweet one shall be only too
HAPPY said, wiping the tears from my
"well, my dcar-my long cherished
friend. love -
"Who, dear Sallie--who do you
aovc?"
Well Eli, love Charley Brown, to
whom l am engaged" and then the
scsldhg tears fell thick and fast on my
shirt bosom
"Well, Salle, wha, have YOU got to
say to me p asked hesitatingly, as
unclosed her hand from my neck.
"Why my doar Eli, Charley and faith
er thought had better see you, and pro
pose
"Oh, darling one ] am thine ]
said, with great emotion; "take M as
lam; take =
But Eli, let me explain. They want.
OIL me to sec you and thank you for your
many kindncsscs, and propose that you
don't come here any more =
cT Our Grst and last love Self love
cF Spell lbound-Children at school.
rF What part of a rife is like an as.
sauIt? The breach of the piece.
Ey- Josh Billings says if n man
haint got we'll balanced head, like to
se him part his hair in the middle.
~" All maideas are very good" says
one moralst; but where do the bad
wives come from?' The bad wives are
madens turned sour.
GF A child returned with muddy
feet her mother looked serious: where
upon the child. anticipating the worst,
murmnred, Now. mamma, you be dood
to me and Ill bc dood to you +"
ET Tue "killin' ways" Of the wo-
men were never SO demonstrative rs they
are just now, all over the country; and
then they have such happy faculty OF
Matching out the insanity dodge.
EE A negro preacher at Georgia
camp meeting told his hearers that they
could never enter heaven with whiskey
bottles in their pockets, and urged them
to bring 'em right up to the pulpit, and
he would offer 'em sacrifice to de Lord.
The consequence was that the good
shepherd was in the evening 50 overeomo
by the spirit as to be unable to preach.
NJ ci, bStt u ueICc ltWNcr, 'uO
you on your solemn OATH swear that this
no your handw ritingf 2" II reckon
not" was the reply. docs it resemble
your writng3' "Ycs sir, | think it
don't "Do you swear that it dom,
resemble your writingy' "Well | do.
old bleckhead. You swear en- your
solemn oath, that this writing does not
resemble yours in single letter q
Yes Sir +" "Now how do YOU
know?' "Cause cant write
A NEGRO ARGUMENT An old negro
named Pete, was very much troubled
abou his sins Perceiving him one day
with very downcast look, his master
asked him the cause.
20, massa. Tn such a sinner. f"
But Pete, said his master, "you ara
fooling to take it so much to heart. Yon
never see me troubled about my sins. +"
II know de reason. massa. :" said Pete
When you go duck shooting and Kill
one duck. aud wound another. don't YOU
ran after de wounded dusk p
"Yes Pete" and the master wonder
cd what was coming next GsN
swell. massa, dat is de way wild you
aud me. DE debbil has got you sure !;
but ~ he am not so sure oh me. he chas.