The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-02-23
scsssORRNGs.

What was the first bet niadel Inc
alphabet.
The staple of Social Science. con-
gress-yarns.
Why is a baby cutting its first In
cisors' like a teapot? Because it is
a tea-thing.
There are two things that a man
seldom forgets-his first love and his
first smoke.
Marry a poor girl and she will go
up with him; a rich one and she will
go down with you.
4 am receiving my back rations,
as the soldier said when he was tiogg-
ed for stealing beef.
What is it that has three legs and
cannot walk, sixteen nails and cannot
scratch? A yard-stick.
An exchange asks, why is Grant
like the heather? The answer is:
Because he bows down to stock and
stones.
A query for mothers-Why is a
screaming baby like the goddess of
morning? Because it's a roarer (Au-
rora.)
A Vincennes photographer adver-
tised:-'Babies taken and finished in
ten minutes -which is rough on the
babies.
Why cannot two slender persons
ever become great friends? Because
they will always be slight a~cquaintan-
ceS.
A Western editor speaks of a con-
temporary who is so dirty that every
time he goes up stairs there is a rise
in real estate
A veteran merchant says that, al
though his clerks are very talkaiive
during the day. they are alwaysready
to shut up at night.
A man who has travelled through
New Jersey says he found some land
there so poor that you couldn't raise
a disturbance on it.
1t was a saying of Guthrie: IF
you want to keep a dead man, put
him in whisky. If you want to kill
a living man, put whiskey into him.
A young physician asked permits
sion of u lady to kiss her, she re-
piled: mo, sir; 1 never like to
have q doctors bill thrust in my
face"
A young lady who corresponds
with several gentleman friends, when
demonstrated with by her mother,
said she only did it to improve her
handwriting.
A sour old bachelor, who once had
thoughts of matrimony, said he
changed his mind when hefound that
the girl and all her people were
against it
My dear boy said a fond mother,
never defer until tomorrow what
o can do to-day Then mother
replied the urchin. eat the
plum-pudding tonight
An old lady is collecting all the
political papers she can lay hands on,
to make soap of. She says they are
a 'disput a site better than ashes
they are almost clear lie.'
A young lady writing on the sub
iect Of kissing says:-.I should quite
as lief have a good kiss as a new
cashmere And We would quite
as lief-if not liefer-give it to her.
you look like death on a pale
horse, said a gentleman to a topper
who was pale and emaciated- Il
don't know anything about that,
said the topper, but I'm death on pale
brandy
sAh, Dick I have buried my faith
er since I saw you Served him
right said Dick. what do you
mean, sir?' was demanded. why,
said Dick, would it have been serv-
ing him right to leave him unburied?'
An impetuous and romantic lover
said to his sweet heart: L am the
oak, you the vine. I draw you with
cords of love- Not So replied the
blushing fair one: if I'm The vine, I
prefer the ordinary twine.'
A Missouri horse thief was hung
to a telegraph pole while on his way
to election, and according to the
Providence Herald, that ann OF
polling a voter is calculated to dead
ea ones interest in town politics.
Jones says that he first met his
wife in a storm, took her to the first
ball in a storm, popped the question
in a storm, married her in a storm
lived his subsequent married life in
a storm, and buried her in pleasant
weather.
A man arriving home at a late houl
a little the worse for too much sup.
per, hatless and ~coatless, was asked
by his indignant spouse: Where
your hat and coat?' Sent EN-, my
dear, (hic) to the Chicago sufferers.
"Thomas," said a father to his son
t'don't let that girl make a fool o
you. Look sharp. Remember thu
adage. that love is blind" sob
that adage won't wash" said Tom
"Talk about loves being blindl why
[ see ten times as much in that cir
as you do?"
A Danbury, Connecticut, pape.
states that a boy stealing chestnut
was caught by the irate proprietor
"What is your name. you young ras
cal" he asked. "Tweed, "blubbere,
the boy. With a nervous gasp tn
frightened farmer dropped the de
linquent and fed.
At a late Plymouth church pic-ni
Mr.. Beecher was asked why he di'
not dance. ssThere lis but one rea