Clarksville chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 186?-1872, 1872-11-23
SANDY HIGGINS AND THE WIDOW

tently as II he was trying to make out
by the sound of my pen what 1 was
writing.
Squire" said he at length, "did
ever tell you about my scrape with the
Widow Horny, up here on the river 2
Never did, " said |, laying down my
pen, lets have it."
They're curious creatures, widows
is," said he in meditative tone, land
the more you study about EN- the more
you don't know anything about EN-
What is that thing I've read in Egypt
or some other country that nobody
could unriddlep"
THE Sphinx, probably" I replied
"Well," he continued. that was q
widow sure as you ever had a granny
Everything else on earth has been
found out but them, aud they're as
much mystery to-day rs the North
Pole. You may read the history ol
the world from Genesis to Revelations
and you'll find that widows has been
at the bottom or the top of five quart
ers of all .devilment that's cut up.
Was you ever in love with one ?"
Lots of them, said L.
you're a great gander-that is
what you are said he. A man that
loves one and gets over it won't never
get bit by another, if he's got as much
sense as a common ground hog. /
don consider that I've got any sense
at all, but I'm little grain too smart
to let another of them get all the
trumps on me. This Widow Horny
that / was speaking of, is little the
handsomest woman, reckon, that
ever looked man into fits, and
ought to be judge, for I've seen lots
of pretty women in my days. She was
about twenty-five years old when !
went up there to work, jest in the
bloom of her beauty, and as full Of
d0viltry as three year old mule colt
There was ball over at Jenkins and
of course / went, for l always go
where there's any fun going on, and
generally act the fool before / gel
away, of course. The widow was
there dressed as fine as one of Solo,
mons lilies, and flying around like a
young lamb in rye patch. got in
troduced to herand asked her to dance
with me, and she said yes" / jump
ed up like I'd been sot down on a loi
of live fire Goals. You may talk about
your sensation, but when she took hold
of my hand and sorter squeezed it, ]
felt a sensation as big as load OF
wood, and it keptrunning up and down
my back like a cat squirrel with a
hawk after him. I'm very fond o
dancing, but I'll be hanged if / could
tell exactly whether l enjoyed it that
night or not, for every time she took
hold of my hand I'd commence
feeling curious behind the ears and up
and down the back again, and then
wouldn't know whether / was on earth
or in balloon, or on a comet, or any
thing about it. 1t was undoubtedly a
case of love at first sight, and a power.
full bad case at that. For a wonder !
got through the frolic without max
ing myself conspicuous or cutting up
any extras, as Tn in the habit of do
ing when go into public. I'd set my
pegs to go home with the widow when
the ball ended, but just as | was fixing
my mouth to ask her, up steps long,
Ilather- faced doctor named Mabry, and
walked her off right before my eyes.
That riled me little, but | kept my
tongue still, inwardly swearing to
break his bones the very first oppor-
tunity that offered itself. | saw there
was no use saying anything, so | went
home and went to bed, and all the rest
of the night / was dreaming about
rainbows, angels, butterflies, fddles,
widows and doctors, all mixed worse
than a dutchman's dinner. Well
Squire, to make short story of it, i
made up mind to have the widow, OF
kill myself and somebody else.
$50 made it convenient to be on
hand where she was on all occasions
| couldn't eat or sleep, and if the
thing had held on l would mt have had
sense enough to skin rabbit. But
was determined it shouldn't last long
for I'd been fooled so often by women
that / thought l would not give her
J time to think of anything but me
She appeared to take to me right
sharply, and though the doctor seemed
inclined to mix it with me, did not
consider him more in the way than q
brush fence, for | was SO far gone that
thought she couldn't see nobody on
earth but me. Well, Squire, things
went on so for about a mouth, aud on
Sunday | screwed up my spunk and
put the question to her. She sortel
| looked one sided and finally told me
she could't give me an answer just
then, but if I'd call at her house next
Thursday evening, she ID give me final
answer. Thinks |, you are mine just
as sure as there are fddlers below
Whenever a woman takes time to study
she II say yes" Squire, don't poets
say something about the calculations Of
men and rats goin crookedY
mice and men, Burns says" an
swered.
well, mice and rats is all one, and
so is men and fools, sometimes, as I've
found in my travels. | was so sure
she d have me | went off and spent all
my money for fine clothes, thinking
I'd have them ready for the Wedding
and | did Confound her Thurs
evening come at last, though it was a
long time about it, and over / went
dressed into Ats, and feeling as big as
Josh Mayor did when he was elected
coroner. Got there at dark and found
right smart crowd collected, which
was not on the bills, but | felt as big
and as good as the rest of EN-. So |
marched in like blind mule into d
potato patch, and took a seat by the
fire. l didn't see anything Of the
widow, but kept looking for her to
come in or send for me. and passed
away the time by cussin' the crowd to
myself, thinking they had no business
there, and | would not get to talk to
my woman bit, Presently a door
opened and in walked Polly and that
dod burned doctor, and a whole team
of boys and gals fixed up savagely.
III =. lnnEnl nrnnnl Enr N El