The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1872-08-02
Varieties.
TWISTED hemp cures felons.


TAKING drop too much-Hanging
ones self.
RLAcKsMTHs are given to disturbance
Making A poke r and A shove l..
DocToa, what do you think is the
cause of this frequent rush of blood TO
nv head ?' ooh it is nothing but an
effort of nature. Nature, you know,
abhors vacuum"
"SAMBo, did you ever see the Catskill
Mountains? ?" "No, sab but I've seen
'em kill mice"
THE editress of Western journal
apologies for the detention of her pa
| per, " because Of the arrival of an extra
male"
Now, Johnny Wells, can you tell
me what is meant by a miracle?"
Yes, teacher; mother says If you
don't marry the parson it will be
miracle
A YOUNG lad who was called as wit
ness was asked if he knew the nature
of an oath, and where he would 60 if
he told lie. He said he supposed
he should go where all the lawyers
went.
| "MAY leave few tracts?' asked
travelling quack doctor Of lady who
responded to his knock. Leave some
tracks Certainly you may" said she,
looking most benignly over her specs
Z" leave them with the heel toward the
house, if you please"
AN old woman, on being examined
| before a magistrate as to the place OF
legal settlement, was aske what rea-
son she had for supposing her husband
had a legal settlement in that town.
The old lady said, "He was born and
narrated there, and they buried him
there, and if that isn't settling him
there, | don't know what is
"ARE sister Sal and Nance resources,
pa ?" "No, my son; why do you ask
that question 2" Because | heard
Uncle Josh say if you would only hus.
band your resources you would get
along great deal better than you do,
that's all, pa" Pa plunges into sta tie
of in tense reflection.
A LITTLE boy in Shreveport recently
asked lady who made her teeth.
She replied, - God" 'Well,n re-
marked young Shreveport, DR.. Ken
dali made mothers and they beat yours
by sight"
If you don't look carefully after
the bits of your horse, you may one
day be looking after the bits Of your
carriage.
a DETROIT paper says if any tobacco
chewer finds q finger in his hne-cut, it
belongs to a boy in Bagley's factory,
who left it there recently.
Two friends meeting, one remarked,
81 have just met man who told me
looked exactly like YOU" "Tell me
who it was that ] may knock him
down." replied his friend. - Don't
trouble YOURSELF" said he, ~ did that
myself"
Boy" said an ill-tempered old man
E to a noisy lad, "what are you hollerin'
: for when am going by ?" d" Humph -
returned the boy, what are you going
by for when | am hollerin' p
, IT is told of young gentleman
, whom a maiden liked but father didn't,
that at reasonable (?) hour the old
gent mildly intimated that the time
Tor retiring had arrived. 81 think you
| are correct, my dear SIR answered the
nineteenth century, modestly, 1--WE
have been waiting over an hour for
t you to put yourself in your little bed
Father retired thougntfully.
MoHAAMED once said: When q
man dies, men inquire what he has left
behind him; angels inquire what he
has sent before him."
t SOME men are like cats. You NAV
, stroke the fur the right way for years,
and hear nothing but purring but
accidentally tread on the tail, and all
= memory Of former kindness is oblter.
$ ated.
: A MOTHER was amused the other day
!. TO hear this bit of argument" from
4 her little boy: Mamma, | don't see
: how Satan turned out to be such bad
fellow there wasn't any devil to put
4 him up to i'll"
e The Springfield Republican says
/ " Mary Hogan eloped from Connect.
e out Shaker community, and married
Brother Jackson on the sly. She
quietly remarked to a friend after the
ceremony: You can make your ap.
ple-sass and warrant it to keep but
L gals amt apples, and you can't bile 'em
down so they won't sour on your old
y | rules ABOUT marriage.
!. AND now another fondly cherished
!. tradition is sternly swept away by the
e Rev. James b. Dunn, of Boston, who is
q travelling in Palestine. The reverend
:, gentleman visited the Dead Sea, and his
Z description of that notorious water and
salt fatty contradicts all the accounts
!, of all other travellers. He says that the
! waters are clear, and ripple beautifully
= that the shores are green with shrub
= berry, and bright with pretty flowers
He admits that the waters are heavy and
bitter, but denies that they are never
a rufiled on the contrary, "their waves
4 splashed on the pebbly beach, and in the