Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1872-05-23
Humorous Readings.


The skirts of time-Old dresses.
Racine boy-base ball-aged twelve.
Sea Midshipmen.
A city that scots peOple-Pittsburgh.
A marine fction-A sea gull.
Which of the circuses has the calico
mare named Dolly Warden 2"
Smiggles says, and we believe him,
that his idea Of a grain elevator is real
lied in rye whisky.
A militia officer said that his sword
was drawn but once and that was In
Christmas rattle.
A California man was thrown out Of
bed by the earthquake. he doesn't con-
slider it a fair shake.
Josh Billings says: THE best way
kno NV to repent Nv ennything il to do
better the next time.
The three gauges Of modern railroads.
The broad gauge, the narrow gauge and
the mortgage.
A gentleman in Salem. Mass, put bis
month 10 a street letter box and shout
ed for a letter for Pat Shea.
Charles Nordhoff, the Journalist, ceme
near having his thread Of life NCrdhof
by the California earthquake.
1t is announced that Detroiters who
fear hydrOphObia. are donning their
summer trousers Of sheet iron.
A vegetarian being asked what would
restore a faded mustache 10 its original
color, briefly responded, 'tDiet.
A Milwaukee negro has entered IL
bel suit against city paper viii b ac-
cused him OF being a member Of the
Georgia Legislature.
If there is really a Delightfully."- re-
fTeshing sighton this earth, il Is a newly
married man sliding toward home with
his first washboard.
Answer to cOrrespondent-'tA Mother
The present style OF high, sharp boot
heels are dangerous. Try the palm Of
your hand or a shingle.
A Western paper thus heads an arti-
Gle: Sad Scene in q Soda Shop. a
Reputation nearly Blasted by Sarsapa-
rilla Singers Smartness.
Suubbins. since he lost his hat, his
purse and his bets. at Worcester insists
upon spelling the word regatta, " ''re-
gretta," whenever he has occasion TO
write it.
Peoria proposes to contribute a whis-
tie to the Jubilee. 1t viii not leave the
State of Illinois, but will receive tele-
graphic signals when to shrek, and can
be clearly heard in Boston.
As the ladies gain courage, Dolly Var
dens grow more numerous upon the
streets, bnt no arrests have been made
as yet, though the instigator of this hid
eous fashion is being looked up by com
petent detectives.
An irate colored female on a Tennes-
see train, failing to find the expected
prize in some ''prize" candy boxes sold
her, pitched into the newsboy and gave
him a sound threshing.
A young man in New Bedford bought
a steamboat ticket for Boston, few
days since, and went on board the ferry
boat. After waiting patiently for an
hour and half, and crossing the harbor
several times meanwhile, he inquired
how long before the steamer would
reach Boston.
Our well known detective officer
Charley Crosby, is an adept in matters
pertaining to poultry. We never knew
him to be struck chicken but once.
1t was the other day at dinner. If you
own double barrel shot gun, you might
ask him the particulars. - Ddnbury
AeUs.
A colored man was once asked why
he did not get married. why, you
see, sab, said he, 81 got an ole mudder,
and hab to do for her, We see, sab, an
eff / didn't buy her her shoes an stock
ins she wouldn't get none. Now ef
was to git married, I'd hab to buy dem
tings fur my wife, and dat nd be taking
de shoes and stockings right out or my
ole muddsr's muf"