Smyrna times., 1872-06-19
Joe Stansbury's Baby.

Joseph Stansbury, and his wife, Esther, were
a neat cosy couple in good circumstances,
having no children, and living in nice, clean,
tagged alley-way, called i'll philadelphia a
court. Mrs. Stansbury was a bit of shrew,
as almost all smart and ceanly hOusckeepers
usually are She kept her husbands clothing
in the best Of order, promptly sewing on all
loose or missing buttons, and her house was
uniformly in apple-pie order. Such excellent
cooking as Mrs. Stansburys was not often
tasted in plain families of moderate means.
Her shrewshness in fact, served as plquant
sauce to their happy and contented life; and
Stansbury used to say that little trettlng
once in a while was necessary to the health OF
his excellent spouse.
At dark one evening, Mrs. Stansbury went
out to the hydrant IN the court 70 fetch pan
of water On returning, she found an old
basket suspended from the knob OF the front
door Putting hel hanl in the basket she felt
something alive and kicking but 50 wrapped up
in rags that no further discovery could be made
without unwrapping the object. a piece OF pa
per, folded like a letter, lay beside the animated
bundle Mrs. Stansbury immediately returned
into the house and by the light of the lamp
examined the billet 1t was directed to her
husband She broke the seal and read as
! follows:
10 JOE SrAxsBURY-Sir; l send you the
baby, which you will please take good care OF,
aud bring up right, so that it may turn out to
/ be better man than its daddy. Oh I've just
/ found you out; aud what sly old rake you
prove to be- Who would think that such
sober old spindle shank, could be such a tearing
down sinner? The child is yours-yOu may
swear to that. Look at tits Joe Stansbury
all over You deceived me shamefully, Joe, IN
saying you was widower; but do iathers
duty by the young one and I'll forgive you.
Your once loved, but now neglected and
heart broken. NANCY
Z. S.-Don't Let that shrewish sharpnosed
wife of yours see this note. Cannon her with
some kind of story about the baby or she IL
tear its eyes out
Stansburv was in the bascment kitchen,
quietly eating his supper, and little imagining
what a storm was brewing over his head. The
door of the kitchen was violently thrown open,
and his wife 5 voice yelled out
''Stansbury, come up here, you old william J
. here 5 mess for you"
| The astonshed husband hastily obeyed the
G summons.
don't YOU want to see your Nancy, the
heart-broken Nancy?' cried Mrs. Stansbury,
as the meek partner of her bosom hobbled up
into court.
;. Nancy! what Nancy is that 2" says the
II husband, in fearful astOniShment, trembling In
a anticipation Of matrlmOnial tempest:
It why, Nancy the mother OF this baby that
r. been hung on the door. Mr.. Stansbury Oh,
{. and then look in that basket. Don t he airaidi
As it won't bite: it's got no teeth, poor thing.
n You Il know it; for as the huzzy says, it's just
IT like you all over. Please goodness, Ill expose
you before every body.
In less than five minutes the Stanbury'
j" front door was surrounded by all the gossips o.
w the court-attracted to the spot by the louc
Il: voice of the injured wfe-to witness the process
ID of unwrapping the baby. Anxious expecta
Ill ton sat on every countenance as the jealous
cd woman unpinned rag after rag from the bod!
EN- of the founding, the vigorous movements o
h. which astonished everybody.
ur 1T is full Of the devil already; that show
he it's genuine chip of the block. You Il 500
nd see that til like him in ineverything-in short,
t Stansbury all over"
Is: At last, all the clothes being removed, ou
nd darted the baby in the shape of a large ora
lic cat Seced up IN a straight jacket! Sudde
err chagrin of Madame StanSbury, together wit
m. the wailings and ludicrous struggles OF puss
sry get free, caused roars Of laughter anon
the spectators; in which poor Stans6ury a
first family joined But when be saw that HI
raj wife relished the joke, his mirth was heart
III; and boisterous. Pussy was adopted into tn
me family, and ever after went by the name
Joe Stansbury.