The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1872-08-22
VARIETIES.
From the Birmingham, eng Post.

his mate, but married man generally is.
Why, ifyou are called loudly, must you
wear wig! Because you are 6aaUzed after.
The persons who most frequently visit the
watering places in summer are nl1lkmen.
What is the easiest way for a bad rider to
show himself off? To get on spirited horse.
Why is a pair of skates like an apple /?
Because they both have occasioned the fall
of man. SGD && #.a le stu
poor fellow who was compelled to pawn
his watch said that he raised the money with
q lever. yla #NF te ..t8
Life, according to the Arabic proverb, is
composed of two parts, that which is past,
dream and that which is to come, a wish.
Some one in speaking against suicide, says
as clincher that it is the height of impolite-
ness to go anywhere unless you are sent for.
MORE WRINKLEY.--It would be much
better arrangement if the wrinkles Of old age
were to come on our heels instead of our ia
ces. Esa#F9 t.F IL. s 1I
FRESH FROM SCHOOL. Emily (ittle SIS
ter): ''What are spnsters % Frances (eld-
er sister,: "Oh you little stupid Bachelor
ladies, of course -
ALL JAw.-"Talkabout the jaws ofdeath,"
exclaimed man who was living with his
third scolding wife, 81 tell you they're no
touch to the jaws of life"
A matrimonially inclined contemporary
says that girl with three thousand year,
or more. is always an object of interest, be-
cause she has so much principal.
patriotic citizen boasts "that no people
on earth can excel the Americans in the
manly art of sitting On bench and watch.
ing eighteen men play base ball."
Women are all alike, When they're maids
they're mild as milk once make 'em wives,
and they lean their backs against their mar
rage certificates, and defy you.
An Irish schoomaster recently informed
his pupils that the feminine gender should
be applied to ali ships and vessels afloat ,ex-
cept mail steamers and men Of war.
Josh Billings says, flies have great appe-
tite for getting into things they are the
first at the dinner table, and alluz take soup,
and don't leave until the cloth is removed.
Chow far shall this excruciatlng uncer-
tainty go, Adelaide, my heloved?'' said a
gallant young Romeo to his pretty Juliet,
the other evening. $50 to papa" was the
prompt and very satisfactory reply.
II wish you would not give me such short
weight for my money" said customer to
grocer who had outstanding bills against
him. Sand wish you wouldn't give me
such long wait for mine,' replied the gro
GER.
"Mister, where are you going with that
horse ?' asked gentleman Of a suspicious
looking man whom he met on horseback.
"Well, amt going nowhere with him."
said the other; 'but he is going somewhere
with me-
A Boston Yankee observed that John Chi
naman didn't whistle, so he opened whist
ling school in San Francisco, where over
fifty Pagaus practice "Put me in my little
bed" and yankee DOODLE" with only a
slight Celestial accent. ....
An old Scotch mendicant, with bonnet in
hand, appealed to clergyman for "a bit of.
charity" The minister put piece of silver
into his hand. "Thank We, sir; oh, thank
ye! I'll gle ye an afternoons hearing for
this ane o. these days"
A young husband having bought salmon
early in the season at IS. a pound, his father
salmon at that price. ''Oh, WE'LL" said the
young man, ''I'll just put it in the icebox,
and not eat it till it gets cheaper'''
HIS OWN AND OTHER PEOPLES. G..
was very fat, and, being a bankrupt, was
met by one of his creditors W,t,,4 How do
you do, colonel 90 Pretty well, you see I
hold my own yet" eyes," said the other,
"Snd mine too, to my sorrow"
''Mr. Speaker" said member of the Wis
consin Legislature, in discussing bill for
the regulation of the timber trade, "these
timber dealers are bad lot; they're eyre
grious scoundrels. L know 'em /; I was in
the timber line myself more'n twelve years"
Two countrymen, gazing round Saratoga
hotel, were approached bya lady wearing 4
fashionable trail. One of the party lodged
it, but the other walked straight across it,
and on finding out his error, apologised with,
II beg your pardon, madam thought you
had passed some time ago."
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