Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1872-05-30
Quagg's Conversion.

own business, not in any way interter-
> ing with that of anybody else. and
their neighbors took 10 them kindly.
= Their congregations very soon began
, to multiply in number, and within q
year from their establishment they had
no less than FIVE circuits within fifty
miles circle Of Punkiugton.
There was but one thing wanted to
make the whole circuit land of milk
and honey; or rather there was one
thing that turned il into land of call
and wormwood-of soreness Of flesh
and bitterness of spirit--ahl that
thing was an individual, and that in
dividual was Colonel Goliah Quagg
He was a blacksmith, and his snop WAS
located two and a half miles from
Punkington, on the main road to Rap
paroarer City. The Colonel was six
feet three without his stockings, which
would have made him in jack boots
something terriiically gigantic To look
at. lie had a bushy beard and whis-
kcrs. and the skin that covered his
bones was hard and horny rs crab
new forest. for it looked rs though il
had never been cut. combed. weedcd
or trimmed. Ills eve. were fearful to
look npon when they flashed, AMI they
flashed almost always. lie ate so
much that people said he was hollow
all through-legs. arms, and ail-and
packed his food from the feet upwards.
Some people compared him to loco
| motive, for he was constantly smok-
lng. drinking, roaring, and coming in
u collision with other folks. He com.
/ pared himself To a Mississippi steam
boat with the safcty-valycs tied down
/ with rope-y arm. 'Rosin me up ami
stand on my biiers,' he used 10 CRY,
then give Inc room and let me r.p .
/ He would greet bar-room company,
strangers, pay your bills and liquor
. once before YOU die, for must lick
I every coon Of YOU or bust He was
( always for licking coons. According
70 his own tell, he Aai ioggcl s.N-
/ foot hackw oolsman from Idaho. and
/ four professional shouldcr-hittcrs from
/ New York. one afler the other; had
/ upset an Irish hod-Carricr with one
\ hand. while with the other, he hal
brought an English prize-hghter to
/ grief. y ncnageric man set a giant
- him once, and the giant closed with
him, hut was soon heard to crack Ike
- nut. The giant said (after he had
I cgackcd) that it was an everlasting
shame. 1t was, he sailed in TO whip
Co.onc.'s version Of the affair.
Colonel ,luagg had neither wife nor
/ relations, chick nor child. lie lived
I behind the smithy, III q grim cabin,
where, for aught anybody knew, he
! slept on the bones Of his enemies.
| Where he was raised was not certain.
What he did on Sundays (or he never
I went 10 church or meetin.) was not
1 known. There were two things about
/ him on which arguments could be,
I with tolcrablc certainty held-that he
I liked rnm rIir-which he drank III
/ vast quantities without ever wInkin1
I or being intoxicated and that he hat
rd the Girace-walking Brethren.
What these. or auy other brethren
r
( not stated but il was quite clear and
certain that he hated them tiercely and
I implacably. He declaimed against
them ia drinking bars he called them
I opprObrOus names III the street, and
what was particularly disagreeable to
the brethren themselves. lie had ma
licieusly initiated quarrels between
4
sters who passed by his smithy on the
/ Huntington Circuit. Indeed. Lc be-
came SO much the terror OF the holy
men, that this otherwise desirable elk
cult began To lack laborers iii the
Lords vineyard.
One day meeting oil the brethren
was held at Punkington, when the hos
tllity of the beliigerent blacksmith was
discussed. Several propositions were
made to conciliate him. but it was soon
conceded that they would be Of no use
that 1t was impracticable for any
brother 10 travel safely on the Rap
paroarer road, and consequently that
portion of the circuit which included
that road would have to be abandon
ed.
A brotner-by name Zephaniah
Stockdollager-who.u up TO that time,
had said little or nothing, and of whose
abilities, 10 say the trnth. ii somewhat
mean opinion was entertained-for he
was given TO stammering, blushlng,
heinmlng, bowing, scraping with his
feet, and seemed TO possess no peculiar
accomplishment save the questionable
one of shutting one eye when he eX-
pectorated-this brother ON whose
pensive features quiet resignation were
marked Us positively as if they had
been written thereon in capital letters
here addressed himself modestly 10
speech as follows:
My brethren, said he, vocation is
vocation, and duty is duty. 1, Yep
haniah Stockdollager. hereby tender
my services TO go Oh the district which
covers the road to Raparoarer Circuit
and if brother Brownjohn'll be 50
good as to loan me his hoss. will con-
front the bad man, even Goliah Quagg
and will endeavor to turn him from
his sinful ways. After which the
brother shut one eye and elected from
his mouth a quantity of tobacco-juice.
The meeting did not hesitate for a mo-
: ment, but they promptly adopted
brother Stockdollager's dis;nterested
offer, without even asking why he was
SO willing to risk his person and thus
defy the threats of the brawny black
l smith.
And now let US see what the re-
doubtable Quagg is doing at his smithy
OH the RaparOarcr road.
The fire roared, the sparks flew up
the chimney, the great bellows blew
fiercely, and Colonel Quagg and his an
vii were in fierce dispute about red
hot horseshoe. We may safely say