The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1872-11-16
PEPPER AND SALT.


Yesterday morning We saw Sam. Porter slowly !
driving his express wagon along the street, The
wagon was piled up full with numerous boxes. !
on each OF which in large letters were the words,
keep Dry" Sam sat solemnly sad. We asked
him: Wherefore those sorrowful visage?" He
made effort to spit, and in speechless agony
pointed to the legend on the boxes A load
seemed lifted from his mind as il were, when
We explained that he need not "keep dry" be.
cause of that agn on the boxes. The CLEAN of
sunshine that we had brought TO his wan face
fadod as be said in hoarse whisper, "Still I'm
dry PEA young legal friend of ours has dog
named "Spot." The juvenile barrister alluded
to is somewhat stage struck" 1t is what A.
Ward would Call "richuess" to see our Black.
stonian with his eyes in fne frenzy rolling, his
right arm elevated at an angle Of as degrees,
strike an attitude and yell, "Out, damned
spot" Spot, when he hears this, usually hides
behind the store. He complained to us about it,
and wanted to trade his dorg for one that can
appreciate Shakespeare. We suggested that his
dog night understand Duoth better, SO one day
the man said: ,Stwsinbuub! sstt bu aus"
When the first word was spoken, the dog pricked
up his ears, and when the sentence was finished
he uttered low, piteoHs howl End broke for the
door, thence across the Illinois river bridge and
to the back settlements, since when no tidings
have been heard of that unlucky dog IA Ger.
tain rsstauran. in town feeds its dog boarders
in the alley srsenic sauce with strychnine trim.
mings One square neSl OF this dish and no
more doth they howl choruses at the moon :. :.
At one Of our churches, an athletic youth
yaps bass in the choir. We believe he spells his
name Prof. &c Phranquendel. The monster
lined out to be sung, H, chained the whirl-
wind 70 his car" The establishment OF the congre.
CATION may be imagined when the bass 10 stem.
torian tones thundered, "He chained the whirl.
wind to-oh-oh his e-e-ear !"..:The new Jury
law Is quite searching. Tie bsilifs have hard
work TO keep the list full, and it may be truth.
fully said that they rob the cradle and the grave.
Young husbands are snatched from the arms of
their new made wives; young fathers are torn
from the cradles of their first born merchants
are dragged from their customers, and no one
can escape. They have got so low down and 50
evidently out of jurors that they have even sum.
moned Us, "Beemus.' What a debasement Of
Jurisprudence. 49,. Young lawyers before Judge
Leaven's Court, in their sublime flights Of elo.
queuce have shattered off good patch of the
ceiling from the "hall Of justice where the
irsse presides. Is this ? contempt Of oourt?...
The other morning it took three men and two or
three dogs half an hour to kill I'D grown rat.
Without specializing as to the proportionate
length Of time it would have taken the same
combination of forces TO kill fall grown rodent,
We 20 into the sentimental. The deep gloom
cast over by the sad fate Of that infantile rat
is some what mitigated by the belief that the be-
reaved parents of that unfortunate little rat are
still net altogether childless," as it were -.
On the east side of Court street, rotuud gen.
teman deals at wholesale in those necessaries OF
life, whisky and ice He has horse named
John When it was known that the horse cpl.
demc had reached town, the man aforesaid ad.
dressing his clerk, the fat contributor OF the bev.
erage department first having whistled doleful
note, said, "Goodneys alive, what shall do fer
john" 1t is needless to add that John has
meyer been allowed to go oat of his stable since
....A few mornings ago young man was seen
at the unreasonable hour of six trying to enter
tho post office. Failing to get in, he calculated,
Why in th(hic)uuder don't you open this here
s(hic)loon? I'm so dry can't spit" On being
advised to go to Hollecker's and get his mail he
swore he wouldn't-hed get drink or die on
the spot" He remained there till Came-rur
him off 80. We observe with pain that though
corn is only twenty cents bushel, whisky still
costs ten cents drink. Something wrong about
this. There is fraud some where :. Bowmau's
fine horse Bucephelus was the first in Ottawa to
get the eHizootic. Bowman Dragged about it,
claiming that his horse is aristocratic, aud it
was his duty a. leader of the ton among horsss,
to introduce the new style here. He told this to
81 Deane. who quietly remarked, "Well, IL he
Is ari'tocrstic, l suppose must exchange thai
yards OF common 10 cent flannel to bandage his
legs with for aristocratic STUFF at dollar a ward
six dollars" "Hold on" interrupted Bow.
man. when it comes to that my horse ain: so
aristecratio after ALL guess he can get sleng
with common pantsloons ~. e. The Chicago
oourn@ advertised an eclipse of the moon 50
come off on Thursday evening at l1:40, A hun
dred or more disting uished citizens of Ottawa
sat up TO see it, and several provided themselves
with glasses under their noses to make their
eye-sight more acute. The moon, however, fail |
cd TO connect, an evident case OF contempt o. !
the part of the moon ~ While Bowman does
not wioh it to be known that he keep. fast stock