The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1872-03-02
Charcoal sketch.

- Charcoal sketch.
MR. EDITOR Your articles on the subject OF
loafers about the coffee shops on Nuuanu street and
elsewhere, struck me so forci5ly, that l thought
would give you an idea of a passed ~loafer,"
A RUNNER.
Now to be a genuine hummer, he must be a
passed loafer, and have become a cannibal, a biped
who lives on his fellow-creatures. But to become
a patent hummer, requires great study it is q sci
ence not acquired in a day, any more than any other
science, but it requires great application, and years
of careful study. l will try to give you an idea of
how q hummer patent one-passes twenty-iour
hours.
He does not make his appearance on the Rialto,
where men most do congregate, before 9 to IL
o'clock a shabby-looking, halfgenteel sort Of
chap never contradicts any one slides into the
midst of a group. hears the conversation, gives his
opinion with reluctance, but always sides with the
man who is most likely to make it IL o'clock. In
the meantime be overhears that Mr.. is going to
have a nice snug card party at night, and that a
neat little supper will be provided. Bummer buns
a cigar. which he proceeds to criticize knowingly.
The eleven O'Clock, who is a stranger, thinks there's
something in him, and says" Won't you take
something ~ WELL" says hummer. " amt it a
leeHe early? But | don't mind if l do-hav'nt felt
well to-day" hummer goes out and finds that the
'leven o'clock is Capt.. worth a pile, and has
an account at IS. Bustles in Hue, give
us a fd, and tell Capen--it was me. Got a
cigar? Now I've got to go down town and get
some cigars and matches. HOllO! Uncle - ;
give us a bunch of cigars and a few matches"
Helps himself to a handful of sugar-white-says
its Il mighty handy thing to have round o morn
ings to mix a cocktail with. Trots back up the
street twigs a boy with a basket and marks the
road he takes steps (purely accidentally into the
shop where the basket has gone finds a nice lunch
laid out for the man who had worked and earned
it. All, ah, ah! Why, what's that you're doin
Don't mind if / do. What a good cook you must
have! You're lucky. How the duece do you fix
them are things? A glass of whisky wouldn't go
bad with this! - The owner of the lunch says lie
has no cook. but that his wife makes 4" them are
things" That he has no whisky, only some ale
that he takes for medicine. We'll" says hummer.
:" as | am dry I'll take a glass o. ale, although |
don't like it, only when I'm dry. But for a steady
drink, gil me gin. Got a cigar? I'll go over to
--'s. Tell your cook, that there hash Is a teeIe
salty. Where did you get that there beer?-Ill
it.-HOllO, Uncle -, how about bus
mess? What's that? 1 just drink'd some beer, and
it never does agree with me, so I'll just take a
swallow of brandy. Are you a going Hp? I'll go
up with you and so goes the day.
But when night comes then our hummer shines
forth in all his glory. Having heard in the morn
ing about a quiet rubber and supper at Mrs,
hummer drops in at about the third game, and eX-
presses himself much surprised at such a goOdly
array. a ah, ah! Good ev'nin; good eV'nin.
What have you got here ~ addressing himself TO
the sideboard.) Helps himself to a glass of some
thing strong declines a seat didn't expect to find
company just stepped in had an engagement
over the way. Don't mind if do take something
before l go. Got a cigar? Now, l was a lookin at
that there game. If you had a led the right bower,
'tother side would have had to throw out the left,
and then your ace would have fixed en-" The
young player is so ashamed of his bad play that he
withdraws and asks hummer to take his hand, which
B. does with reluctance. because he has an engage
ment over the way, and had only just stepped in
- Any body got a cigar Pill bet a quarter on this
game-partner, put up a quarter for me. Its awful
dry tonight: just fix me one of them are things
afore you set down. (Swig-swig-swig.) Five
straight games-ah, ali, an let's take something.
By JOve. that's nice-you chaps knows how to do
it-can't get anything like this down tOwn-tresh-
ems the nip-whO's got cigar?-Jim, this glass Is
a leetLe too strong. All well. we're six games ahead.
What's that on that ere table? All! a little sup
per! Well. didn't intend stopping so long, but
don't mind if l do. Great Jove! where did you
get that ham? that is a ham-and I'm a Judge of
ham-and as to that turkey, I never seen his likes
got any salad II like hook, good ock-nOt
down town hock-Jim, bring me a glass of brandy
to 60 on with-and look for some gin agin | go
Well, gentlemen you appear all right-Ill go
told you | had an engagement. so l must leave you
night-good night" TrOts off with the re-
mark that a party was waiting for HIM at a club.
Arrived at the 't Club" he enters briskly, with a
Sc Well, well, we'll! How long has this thing been
q goin' on? Who'd a thought it! l jest seed a
light, and thought I'd jest step in. Amt 1t hot !
WHAT'S this ere stuff in this ere bowl g.? (takes a glass
full Where did you get this? That beats all you
chaps knows more than me. Who's ahead tonight ?
What's that on that thar able? Chicken Have
some? Don't mind if l dol seldom if ever eat
l do feel a little peckish to-night-sO
I'll Just take a bite (munch-munch). Say, John,
jest give me a leetle swaller o that stuff (swig, swig).
John gil me that salad [ alters like salad with
chicken-and dye hear, JOhn-a slice O. that ham
(muncb, munch). Anything new down town, or
round l amt in the habit of going round much Of
late. Got any gin? | always prefer gin as a regu-
lar drink. No? Well I'll take a ieetLe swaller of
IL = L., Iz.- ,z-,
pounded especially to finish him up, consisting of
brandy, champagne, etc, softened down with gln.)
Great Jove! Amt that strong, though l couldn't
stand much of har-you see L amt much In the
habit OF eaten supper. Anybody got a cigar! John
gi' me a match-and John, light this cigar for me.
Well, now, that's comfortable. Did you hear about
so and so No? Well, that's strange. know all
about it. (Then, if you will listen, he pours forth
all the scandal Of the town which he may have
gathered during the day, or which he invents for the
occasion, and dIsgusts you with his vulgarity.) Say,
John, got any gin? Gil me a cigar. Anybody got
a buggy? I'd like to go home. don't feel very
well-aint felt jest right for several days" Staggers
off without saying good night, and exit hummer at
, o'clock in the morning, stuffed to rePletion with
drink and food that cost him never a cent.
And thus the patent hummer passes his days and
nights, eating and drinking the life product Of in
dustrious men. He spares nothlng-eyerythlng Is
fish that comes to Bummer's net. Nothing to him IS
sacred-he intrudes himself on your privacy at all
hours of the day and at unreasonable hours OF the
night invites himself to anything IN sight IN the way
of drink or victusls-especially the former, and If
not in sight, his modesty will not prevent his asking
for them. A deyouring leech, a vampire, with no
bowels of compassion a useless member of society,
lost TO all sense of deceney. Tell him plainly that he
is a hummer, and he will grunt complacently-
- that's so -
There is a relative of his, known as the "snob-
Dish Bummer,'' to whom l may some day introduce
you. VICTIM.
NEW STATEs.-It is stated that at the present ses-
sion of Congress three new States will apply for adj