Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-05-13
MISCELLANEOUS.
Hub" bub-A BOSTON urchin

warden hash.
Grant can't put off walking Spanish
much longer. Boston Post
Garrison says the woman question is
an '.all-embracing" one. Who said it
wasn't +?
A Toledo young man was quite smit
ten by his neighbours wife. She smote
him with rolling pin.
The storm signal-man on top of Mt.
Washington holds the 'shighest office in
the gift of the nation. Exchange
A widow of Liverpool, England, has
recovered $1,000 from the owner of a
mad dog through whose bite her hus-
band died.
A lady of Rochester, Mimi, has OBJ
tanned a patent for a fan, to be attached
to sewing machine and operate by the
same power.
Amos Bird of Wallingford, advertises
in the n. Y. Herald for widow Of thir-
ty-five summers, to come and help him
build his nest.
Loving wife at Brighton: The hor-
rid surf makes me keep my mouth shut. "
Sarcastic husband: .sTake some of it
home with you.
A recent visitor to Mr. Carlyle's study
says that IAN earthquake might turn it
upside down, but could not add to its
disarrangement."
A little girl who had just undergone
the unpleasant ceremony of vaccination,
exclaimed: ''Now | won't have to be
baptized, will 70,
The question of where all the Smiths
come from is answered. A factory in
a neighboring city bears the sign, Smith
manufacturing company.
A printers devil, in an Omaha office,
was bitten by mad dog few days
since. The dog fingered several days
and then died in great agony.
A crazy man in Elko, Cal, recently
swallowed a twenty-dollar gold piece, a
couple of tens, and few silver dollars,
but has not recovered his sense.
The last question that has troubled
philosophers is this: Which causes a
girl the most pleasure, to hear herself
praised, or another girl run down?
A man in Windham County, Conn, i:
said to be working up saw-log thirty
feet long into a fife for Gilmore's jubi
lee. 1t will be blown by nitro glycer.
inc.
A practical man in Columbus listened
gravely to one of Mark Twain lectures
and said afterward that the statements
were greatly exaggerated, if not vergine
on downright falsehood
An old bachelor, at wedding feast
had the heartlessness to offer the follow
ing toast: "Marriage-The gate through
which the happy lover leaves his enchant
ed regions and returns to earth. %
A client remarked to his solicitor
"You are writing out my affidavit OF
very rough paper sir. '.Never mind,
, was the reply of the latter; lit has t
be filed before it comes into court
, The people of Nashville are amaze,
at the performance of boy. who play
one tune on the piano with his left hand
another tune with his right, whistles
third, and beats the base drum with hi
toes
Thompson is not going to do anythin
more in conundrums. He recently ask
ed his wife the difference between hi
head and a hogshead, and she said ther
was none. He says that is not the rigf
answer
The British Secretary of Legation {
= Athens, Greece, appeals, through tn
London Times, for aid for Miss Blacl
: the lady who, in her youth, inspired I'll
s lines addressed by Lord Byron to "Tf
Maid of Athens"
, A Cleveland man touches up his ia,
;. with box of water colors in imitatic
! of smallpox pustules, goes to the frol
: door, and then laughs to see the calle
o try to break their necks in getting owe
o the gates and fences.
It Bret Harte wants the press to disclai
e for him the authorship of some verse
: about Darling Kathleen" which hay
y been charged to his account, but WEI
, really produced when he was about ele'
= en- wears old, by somebody else.
A young man asked young lady h,
age, and she replied: ''6 times Z and
times added to my age will exceed
; times and four, as double my age e,
r ceeds 90" The young man said
It thought she looked much older.-Er.
If A German, while crossing the ALI
/ ghany mountains during the winte
- states that ven going up de mountain
" his foot slipped him on de ice, and
4. COON down on the broad of his back m
Il his face sticking in de mud, and dere
,. sthood
If "Here, waiter" said gentleman,
lie he was about leaving hotel, 'here's
! dollar for you. | give it to you becau
you have attended to my fire so we'll
. THANK your honor; may you live lon
lie and may l have the making of your fir
t. hereafter
/ AS wife was holding her husband
r. aching head in her hands, one mornin
rs she asked: ..Are man and wife one
a. Il suppose so,' said the husband
~ ''Then," rejoined the wife, Il came hon
t. drunk last night, and ought to be asha1
Sc ed of myself"
L. An Oregon youth brought a suit t
OF breach of promise against a young lad
or but she pleaded that when she broke t
m engagement she gave him $3.50 and
- bottle of FLORIDA water as compe