Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1872-07-27
Facts and Famcles.
Juvenile parties--infant's bawls.


Are acrobats unprincipled men be-
cause they poise on each other?
Does a COW become landed property
when she is turned into field +?
The most profitable laundry business
in Washington Territory-Washing out
gold.
Not all the girls are in for women's
rights, but the majority are in for mar
riage rites.
A dry goods frm on Church street
advertises domestic crashes. Isit Chi
cago invoice +?
Why is a mans lite safest before he
has had dinner /? Because he can't
di-jest then.
A young lady recently tried to do up
Eer back hair with honey comb to
make it look "sweet."
In conversation, wise man NAV be
at loss low to begin, but fool nev-
er knows how to stop.
Song of the fawn: Call me early mo,
ther deer. There's snow news to speak
OF from the North west.
The Danbury Ne,cs is alarmed to
End thet the arms received by Company
G. have not been vacoinated.
In an action for fees physician can
not recover. In cases of illness patients
are often in the same predicament.
A scientific writer says that "gluttcny
is the source of all our diseases" How
is it with a man who dies Of starvation
A good drain on a farm. Heavy
mortgage at 10 per cent. will drain it
about as rapidly as anything We know
of.
A candidate for schoolmarm in Hem
ry county, Ohio, stated that Virginia
obtained its name from the Virgin
Mary.
y lady who had repeatedly called her
little boy to come in aud say his pray
ers, was shocked by his asking her iii
God was in much of a hurry"
Landlord" said a traveller at the ta-
bic of a country tavern, "this soup is
little weaker than | am used TO. /
wish that you would just let that chick
en- Of yours wade through it once more,
if you please"
A census taker in Missouri has found
one unmarried lady who ack now Iedges
to the age Of thirty. He wrote hero
inc" oppsite her name. Later-1t il
since been ascertained that she is a
widow.
A Pittsburg boy threw stones at
circus elephant while he was drinking.
and then offered him some gingerbread |
The pachyderm responded by emptying
about two barrels Of water over the boy
and then fInging him on the tops of
the seats to dry. The boy has lost all
interest in natural history.
The very latest thing in the adver-
tising line is a lady who, through the
newspapers, seeks for employment as an
ornamental guest" She will assist at
dinner and evening parties--by her wit,
grace, and beauty. contributing to the
entertainment of guests, and she will do
everything in the highest style of art
only that she demands that handsome
compensation be made.
"May | sing ma ?" asked smart
four year old who had been taken to
church by her mother, and whose bump
of music was, doubtless, excited by the
performance to which she was listening,
Ma, whose brown eyes were upon the
pannlers in the next pew, of course
said Eyes" as all iudulgent mothers do
and little hopeful with strong voice,
commenced "Up in Balloon" "Hush
Hush J! said Ma, "don't sing that p
Pausing moment, the young vocalist
struck up, mot for Joe" and was i'm
mcdiately hustled out Of the sanctuary.
Some years ago a lot of fellows got
out on little time, when one of the
number was taken to the lock up. The
next morning the young man sent for
friend to get him out, as he did not care
to have his father know of his incarce,
ration. The friend arrived when the
iOIIOWlDS CONVERSATION enSued ND
how did you come here p Il came by
two majority" 1t had taken three po-
liccmen to lock the fellow up. The
friend was so we'll pleased with the
fellows answer that he had the bonds
furnished.
In Indiana husband, after a spree,
was led home by one of his friends, who,
after posing him safely on his doorstep
rang the bell, and retreated somewhat
OBVIOUSLY to the other side of the street,
to see if it would be answered Prompt-
ly the "porte" was Converted" and the
fond spouse, who had waited up for her
truant, beheld him in all his toddiness
"Why Walter, is this you p Eyes my
dear" "What in the world has kept
YOU so? 2" Been out on alittleturnwi,hthe
boys, m-my d-d-dar-l-ling." "Why,
" alter, you are intoxicated !" "Y-y-es
dear, estimate that's so' "What on
earth made you get so drunk 7 And
oh, why do you come home to me
.