The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1872-06-08
AnI4ceedlrg,y Ihril.ing story.

"Joln," the eprcssible humorist of
the New York Sun, has been out to ToIe~
do, Ohiu, AID writes from thai place Ibis
bloud curdiinG story of
TtIE TUItBO ABLLABD AND HELOI>E.
Once, in fact twice, man lived here
He was of maj"sic mien, and besides
mat he WAS darned mean. lie kept
store. and he sold ready made hens eggs
and got rich lie had daughter, and
she was a ready maid, too. She was
like her fathers cane. She had golden
head. Her eyes were SO fright that when
she pceIed through the mists of the future
she always started rainbow some fur
longs ahead. Sine woro long furs, ton,
f,r she was cradled in the lap OF lax r.
She was sweeter than ten cusIard pies,
eight barrels OF sugar, and eleven pounds
ui sum-drops mixed She WAS 70 sweet
lnat eEe ate ripe peaches for pickles, and
eo DrIshl that size had had 10 carry Il sur
shade in The house 10 keep iiom putting
the resi- OF the family eyes out and scor, h.
iLg the food. Ye gods, female liGe
that made out of cast-iron, secured once
II week, and put upCn an umbrella stand,
would be eXquceze it. She had a 10y el
il was man. He knew that her Ct flee
had never been sweetened with the les
sons of adversely, and he knew in his IN
most soul that it was diluted with The
mink Of human kindness Um uu! how
that man did love that female But the
path Of true love never dld run snuU;h,
and he got stuck in a mud puddle beiUIe
lie got half way over it, as follows:
y robust man Of crimson hue saw tbs
female. To see, was 10 g.,ze, and TO gaze
WAS 20 love. He swUre AN inward swear
that she should lie his, and he hers, even
though he had to take her father Out "a
claiming with him, and dump him over
board, and though lac had 10 shoot bis rival
with a wine bottle loaded with gTppe shor.
THE PRcPOsIrION.
'Twas night. a real warm couple
sIuod III the pale, cold mo- nbeans,-
1 heir lips touched, and there was sound
nke "a COW hauling its hoUt out Of Ihe mud
y female voice said: "Alf,cd, dear All,
re member at Tomorrow night, precisely,
or will never forgive you. (>ue want,
TO 90 10 the circus He said: "Fanur
dea: Fan, will be here"
In the shade Of tree stood "A man WHO
WAS 10 knock IhIs circus business en-
ways As they parted, he said, a ha!
twice, then dashed into the tLickening
sloom. After he had dashed into Il
thick ening gloom, lie dashed after his rival
cuss. lie followed hIm 10 his home
lie raised the window aud stole his bOuls.
lie look those boots home, aud then and
tAeIe lie perpe,ratcd crlme unparalleled
I.i the annals of history. lie Deliberately
took a Saddle Rock banana skin and e
hatt-sVled and heeied those boos with that
banana skin.
TIE TERRIBLE DISCOVERY.
Twas night. The golden stars were
winking al each other (above you Will
see the stars). The mLon was showing
her man 10 an admIrlng world. Grass
hoppers had grass hoped tur tie las,
lime dat day. TIE bullirogs were sing
iu5 their evening hJ mus, aud the Gals
weIe waIblIng their evening Inns too.-
Nothing WAS working, save The empEy imgs
IN the buckw heat cake jar
A young female, dressed to Kill, stoo d
leaning against door post. She W. S
wriHging her hands, and yelling, "Cruei,
cruel work" Far better she had been al
her crochet, crochet work. The grease en-
her golden locks would have brought ten
cents for soap tat Only have stuck ii
wick into 1t, and she d been a candle -
Due was wicked enough without ii. A
shadow sIUle across ter path. Twas IA
lac shadow. Ii said, ahen. She ahem-
med back for she owned a paten; kemmer.
1t advanced sIeaitLiIy, and exclaimed,
''Wby, Fanple !" She. advanced with u
cat-lIke tre&d, and CALCULATED, "Wby
DJc.," Git was dry. Doc.J She spoke
one minuie-su!Ject The instability OF
man-then they both crooked elbows and
glided into the thickeuing gleom This
makes three In the thlckenIng gloom
a lorna male torm-approaching
Ii slides, and slips, and shutiles along,
Iumbiing over lamp~posrs and mackerel
barrels Doc. says 10 Fannie, See there,
luoA look alas, bow drunk She
sNlunk back aud Clutched Docs arms
more closely, and then exclaimed, - lis,
'tain't 'tain't, tbs my long lost Alfred.
"Ges, and drunk as thunder" cried Doc.
Twas night again. Alfred was be-
ing kicked off the stoop by Doc. aud
MISS Fannie's father, assisted by Miss
Fannie. a few months alter Doc. lead
his bushing bride, with string cf blush
ing bridesmaids, TO the blushing altar
I'hen he took her 10 her new home, "a
bran new house with tank of waller on
Inc Top tLat Leld a thousand gallons.
DEADLY REVENGE
Time rolled oil without wheels. Months
faw by without wings. AIf, thought his
les had Gin out. Three tumbles to a
yard was his gait, the only gate to the
yard he owned. One day he sat upon
the grass plot bemoaning his sad late,
when gDat-Ihey call 'em billy goats
because they eat handbils-sent by some
fairy hand approached and chewcd all
the bottoms OF his boots of, and op arising
lie found himself restored 10 health. He