The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1872-03-29

Counting Twenty-Five. =.
From the Utica Herold1

cunning Il ~ eUtJ ~ElvCs
From the Utica Heroldl.
found the cherished face of Mari;
Ann wreathed in smiles, the othe
esar,ag, when I returned from my ar
dous daily toll. I ain engaged a
standing man at a saloon. So man,
candidates are treating, that the saloo1
keeper hires six Of us to be treated
We all drink with every candidate VIII,
comes in, and it makes business prett,
brisk.
Said my chosen one Joshua, 1 an
afraid you do not always find me al
angel in disposition
Said [, ''that's so-hic-my dear,
don't seldom find you 'nangel in-any
thing" &.
"And,' she added, "you are no.
always the most pleasant man in til,
world.'
l did not feel called on to reply.
''Now," said she, ''read that"
She had cut an item from the col
ums of some paper wherein demented
writer told about some impossible
woman who, being troubled with bad
temper, counted twenty-five every time
she got provoked, and thus became a
sweet, amiable, and dearly-loved orna.
ment of the house of her delighted
husband. I read the article as we'll as
the condition of my head would allow,
and remarked, "bosh.'
Maria Ann paid no attention to me,
but unfolded her plan. She said that
every time I got mad l should count
twenty-five. i asked her who she
thought would pay our rent while We
sat and counted twenty-five, over and
dyer, all day long. Then she said l
was always raising objections to her
plans for our mutual improvements,
and | said I was not, and she said was
enough to try the patience Of saint,
and said she was too, and she came for
me, and told her to count twenty.
FIVE; but she forgot all about that,
and just tailed one in my left eye.
Then l was going to demonstrate
with the poker, and she told me to
count twenty-five, and said l would
not but | did before she had pulled
more than half my hair out. Then she
made me count twenty-five over and
over until was out of breath, and felt
real pleasant and good-natured. So we
went to supper. Now, the cat was
curled up in my chair, but l did not
see it until I sat down; and I did not
see it then, but | was pretty sure it
was there, in fact | knew it was there
as well as | wanted to, and mo1e too.
| felt inclined to raise up suddenly, but
as gathered to spring, she brandishel
the tea pot and murmercd: '.Joshua,
your temper is rising; count twenty
five or I'll break your head" and that
cat was dsawing map of the Tenth
ward with her claws around behind he
with the streets and boundaries marked
in my blood. rose to explain, and
said, "NIy dear, IL but she caromed
on my head with a woll-shot tea cup,
and sprinkling my face with a quart Of
hot tea, and l sat down and counted
twenty-five but it killed the cat. The
old fellow died hard, though, I could
feel him settle as his nine lives went
out one by one
A few days practice of this rule
under the loving instruction of Maria
Ann, has enabled me to conquer my
temper completely. Nobody can gel
me mad now, and am in a state q
perpetual calm, and I want to see tht
man who wrote that story. l want tt
fit him for the hands of an undertaken
and make demand for mourning goods
among his friends. Then can di'
happy-counting twenty-five.