Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-08-02
III m or.

fascination.
The "bump Of destructiveness'-A rail-
way collision
Misery loves company, and 80 does
manageable young lady.
Why are blacksmiths always wicked men
Because they are given to vice.
Why is U the gayest letter in the alpha
bet because it is always in fan.
There are two things in life for which we
are never prepared, and that is twins.
Why are umbrellas like pancakes ?-Be.
cause they are seldom seen after Lent.
10 beeoms the lion of party it is not
necessary to make beast of ones self.
A secret has been defined as ..anything
made known to everybody in whisper"
To prevent your hair from coming out
never let your wife catch you kissing the
servant girl
How is it a storm looks heavy when it
keeps lightning and the darker it gets the
more it lightens
A clock in New York factory has been
seized by the workmen, because it has not
struck for eight hours.
When you 60 to drown yourself, always
pull off your clothes they may fit your
wife's second husband.
''They fred two shots at him." said an
Irish reporter; 1.-THE first shot killed him,
but the second was not fatal"
The impecunious market gardener who
wants to know how to start little nursery,
is strongly advised to get married.
Beauties often die old maids. They set
such value on themselves, that they don't
find purchaser before the market is closed.
If there is really delightfully."- refreshing
sight on this earth it is newly married man
sliding toward home with cradle under his
arm.
DR.. Grant can't read the diploma Har.
ward has given him, but then he knows how
the sheep skin on which it is written was
tanned.
A correspondent of the Washington Pa.
triot says that the title of L. L D. bestow.
ed on Mr.. Grant means Clover Of Large
Donations"
If you want to have man your friend,
don't get the ill.will of his wife. Public
opinion is made up of the average preiudices
of womankind.
A man named his dog "Paste." "Why
do you give him such a name p be was
asked. because l want him to stick to
me-" was the reply.
An editor in Iowa says he has become so
hollow from depending on the printing bus
mess for bread, that he proposes to sell him
self for stove pipe.
A German who was lately married, said,
''It was easier for needle to walk out of a
cancels eye, than for mans to get der lasht
word NIT a voomans.'
God bless the wives, they fill our hives
with little bees and honey they ease life's
shocks, they mend our socks but don't
they spend the money.
An honest old farmer, on being inform
ed the other day that one of the jud ges owed
him grudge, growled out, ''No matter he
never pays anything"
What's the difference between man cut.
ting the end off his nose, and boy who has
just learnt task :? One lessons his nose.
and the other knows his lesson.
A broken-hearted widower in Indianapo-
lis has erected a pine slab over his wife's
grave, and presented fine piano to the girl
who was kind to him during his af1iction.
There il one thing about hen that looks
like wisdum; they don't kackle much until
after they have laid their egg. Sum pbolks
are always Dragging and hacking what
they are going to do beforehand. Josh Bill.
limgs.
'Dick," said certain lawyer to coun.
tryman, who was considered more fool than
knave, "what should you call the two great
est curiosities in the world p "Whv.o re.
piled Dick, Gan honest lawyer and a river
on fire."
vegetable pills !" exclaimed an old ladv
Don't talk to me about such stuff The
best vegetable pill ever made is an annie
dumping; for destroying gnawing in tho tho
stomach there is nothing like it, it ALWAYS
can be relied on.
The Detroit Free Press says if Grants
expenses are ten thousand dollars wear
more than his salary, and in three years he
manages to lay by over half million dol.
lars, what's the use of bringing out anu
more arithmetics
A clergyman, having made several at.
tempts to reform profigate, was at length
repulsed with, eft is all in vain, doctor
youcannot get me to change my religion. .
II do not want that" replied the good
man, Il wish religion to change you"
Said friend to merchant who was try.
ing to collect ZONE outstanding bill:
"You have good deal of money coming
to you, haven't you? eyes," replied the
merchant, and I can't help wondering why
I have to run so often after what is coming
to me-"
Bibbs was married the other day to very
quiet, not to. say stupid girl, with face
like dolls. Some one remarked to Mufing-
ton that Bibbs had been on the lookout for
a wife for some time, and had "wooed and
won" huntington said,' eyes. q wooden