Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-05-17


EzzzazzMz..zza..z... -. -
HumOr.
New name for sky-air apparent.
Burst of eloquence exploded indea
Cat-music is done purr-puss-ly, isn't it (?
Wooden gatherings slight between me-
groes.
If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each Of
his children drum.
Should an old acquaintance be forgotten
Not if they have money.
The mothers heart gives 4th joy at the
baby's LIST, 9th and "y'not.
The editor of an Eastern paper says that
many Of his patrons would make good wheel
horses. they hold back SO well.
Mr. Greeley has written to Pennsylvania
for some pretzel seed. He says he believes
he can grow 'cm if anybody can.
s'What are you doing tbere?' said a
grocer, to fellow who was stealing his lard.
''l'm getting fat" was the reply.
Barnum wants three hundred men who
neither drink nor swear, and has gone to
Washington, of all the places in the
world.
A young man generally gives lock of
his hair to his sweetheart before he marries
her. After marriage she generally helps
herself.
A Dutcbman put the following sign on
his premises ''Mebbe you don't peter
had lofz rount here ven you dent got some
peesness, amt it"
A clergyman said, the other day. that
modern young ladies were not the daugh-
ters of Shem aud Ham, but the daughters
of Hem and sham
The Western confectioner who few
months ago taught his parrot to say ''pretty
ege asM to lady who entered his store
A political aspirant, after an election eer-
ing haraDgue, met his particular friend with,
"Well, my dear sir, did you hear my last
speech Z" Il hope So" was the reply.
Judge Hoar once said of lawyer: ''Hf
has reached the superlatiye of life at frs
be sought to get on, and then be sought -
get honor, and now be j. trying to get hoa
esty.
~ am afraid said woman to her has-
band, "that | am going to have stiff
neck mot at all improbable, my DER
replied her spouse, II have seen strong
symptoms of it even since we were mar
RED"
A Boston paper expresses the deliberate
convictian that ''a man who will not do any
thing himself, nor let any one else do any.
thing, by way Of public improvement, ought
to keep tavern after everybody else is
dead"
A saloon keeper having started business
in building where trunks had been made.
asked friend what be had better do with
the old sign, Trunk Factory "Oh."
said the friend, 'just change the L to D,
and it will suit you exactly"
INADEQUATE. As gentleman was tell.
ing his friend, that mutual acquaintance
was sent to the Penitentiary for gross intcx.
;cation, he was asked why he didn't bail him
out. "Bail him out!' be replied, why
YOU coa,id not pump him out"
Two men having arraigned to fight due,
IN Rhode Island, the Governor issued
proclamation forbidding it, whereupon one
IF the parties sent him note saying that
one Of them would stand in Connections and
the other in Massachusetts, and shoot over
his miserable little State.
A facetious gentleman of williamsburg.
Mass, dining upon tough fowl in Bos.
ton hotel, asked the land-lady where the
fowl came from. She replied that it came
from Williamsburg. Impossible !" ex.
claimed the gentleman, for the town hasn't
been incorporated over four years.
Jones and his wife were always quarrel
ING about their comparative talent for keep
ing fire. She insisted that just SO surely
as he tried to re-arrange the sticks with the
tongs, he put the Ere out. One night the
bells sounded an alarm, and Jones sprane
for his fire bucket. eager to rush to the con.
aagra.ion. "Mr. JONES' cried his wife.
as he reached the door, ''Mr. Jones take
the tongs"
4 characteristic aneeaote is related of an
out.ateIbows poet who by some freak of for
tune coming into possession Of a FIVE dollar
bill, called to lad and said !: johnny, my
boy, take this William, and get it changed"
s'What do you mean by calling it Will
liam p inquired the wondering lad. "Wby,
Johnny" replied the poet, II am not suffi-
GENTLY familiar With it to take the liberty of
calling it Bill"
A Physician, examining student as to
his progress, asked him.
stSuppose man fall into we'll fortv feet
deep, and strike his beaa against one Of the
tools with which he had been digging what
would be your course if called in as sur
geon 7"
The student replied:
Il should advise them to let the man lie,
and fill up the we'll"
During the late war some children We're
talking of their brothers and fathers who
had been captured as prisoners of war. Ma
ny tales Of fortresses and camps were told,
the speakers evidently priding themsl Ives
very much Oh the sufferings Of their relatives,
when little fellow. who had been silent,
now spoke up. That's nuthn'' said he,
I've got an uncle 10 prison too, and he amt