Worcester daily spy. [volume] (Worcester [Mass.]) 1850-1888, 1872-03-02

Mark TwaIn's First Lecture,
| was home again, in San Francisco, without
means and without employment. | tortured
my brain for saving scheme of some kind, and
at last public lecture occurred to mel | sat
down and wrote one in fever of anticipation
showed it to several friends, but they all shook
their heads. They said nobody would come TO
hear me, and would make a humiliating fail
ure Oft. They said that as had never spoke
in public, would break down in the delivery
anyhow. | was disconsolate now. But at last
an editor slapped me on the back and told me to
go ahead" He said, Take the largest house
in town and charge a dollar a ticket" The au-
dacity of the proposition was charming: il
seemed fraught with practical and worldly wis
dom, however. The proprietor of the several
theatres Endorsed the advice, and said that l
might have his handsome new opera house at
half price-ffty dollars. In sheer desperation
took it-on credit, for sufficient reasons In
three days did a hundred aud fifty dollars
worth of printing and advertising, and was
the most distressed and frightened creature on
the Pacific coast. lcould not sleep who could
under such circumstances? For other people
there was Righteousness in the line of my posters
but to me il was plaintive with paDg when |
wrote it: doors omen at II O'clock The trOu
bic will begin at "
That line has done good service since have
seen 1t appended to a newspaper advertisement,
reminding school pupils in vacation what time
next term would begin. As those three days of
suspense dragged by l grew more and more I'M
happy. had sold tW 10 hundred tickets among
my personal friends, but | feared they might
not come. My lecture, which had seemed hui
morouS to me at first, grew steadily more and
more dreary, until not a Vestige of fun seemed
Left and grieved that could not bring coffin
on the stage and turn the thing into funeral
was so panic-snickeD at last that went TO
three old friends, eiantic in stature, cordial by
nature, and stormy voiced, and said
70 ,ry,f,a h,
in it are 50 dim that nobody will ever see them.
would like TO have you sit in the parquette and
help me through"
They said they would Then went 10 the
wife OF a popular Citizen and said that if she
was willing to do me very great kindness [
would be glad If she and her husband would sit
prominently in the left hand stage-box where
the whole house could see them. explained
that should need help, and would turn toward
her and smile, as a signal, when had been de.
hvered of an obscure joke-"and them" l an
swered, don't wait to investigate but respond"
She promised. Down the street met man
had never seen before. He had been drink
ing, and was beaming with smiles and good ma
ture. He SAID
only name is Sawyer. You don't know me.
but that don't matter. haven't got a cent hut
If you knew how bad wanted to laugh you'd
give me ticket. Come, now, what do you
sayi"
is your laugh hung on a har-trigger?-
that is, is il critical, or can it get off easy?"
My drawing inGrmty OF speech so affected
hlm that he laughed a specimen or TWO, thai
struck me as being about the article | wanted
and gave him ticket, and appointed hi 10 sit
in the second circle in the centre and be respon-
sible for that division of the house. rave him
minute instructions about how to detect indS-
tinct Jokes, and then went away and left him
chuc6ling placidly over the novelty of the idea,
ate nothing on tue last three eventful DAYS
| / nod n1y cod +l,a a.,
third day the office would be opened for the sale
OF reserved seats. | crept down TO the theatre
at four in the afternoon TO see it any sales had
been made. The ticket-seller was gnne, the box
office was locked up. had to swallow sudden
ly or my heart would have got out. "No sales :"
l said to myself. | might have known it,
thought of suicide, pretended illness, flight
thought of these things IN earnest, for was
very miserable and scared But of course had
to drive them away, aud prepare TO meet nv
late. could not wait for hafpast seven;
wanted to face the horror and end 1.-THE feel
ing of many a man doomed to be hung, no
doubt, went down back street at six
O'Clock, and entered the theatre by a
back door. | stumbled my way in The dark
among the ranks OF canvass scenery, and stood
on the stage. The house was gloomy and SILENT
aud It's emptiness depressing. | went into the
dark among the scenes again, and for an hour
and half gave myself up TO the horrors, wholly
unconscious OF everything else. Then [ heard
murmur; it rose higher aud higher, and end
ed in a crash, mingled with cheers. 1t made
my hair rise it was so close to me and so loud
There was pause, then another; presently
came third, and beioreI well knew what was
about was in the middle of the stage staring
at sea of faces, bewildered by the fierce glare
OF lights, and quaking in every limb with ter
ror that seemed like to take my life away. The
house was full-aisle and ALL
The tumult in my heart and brain and 1ers
continued full minute before could gain COM
mand over myself. Then recognized the char
ity and the triendliness in the faces before me,
and little by little my fright melted away, and
began TO talk. Within three or four minutrs /
was comfortable and even content. My three
chief allies, with three auxiliaries, were on hand
IN the parquctte, all sitting together, all armed
with bludgeons, and all ready TO make an on
slaught upon the feeblest Joke that might show
its head. And whenever Joke did fail, their
bludge0nS came down and their faces seemed TO
split from ear to ear. Sawyer, whose hearty
countenance was seen looming redly in the cen
ter OF the second circle, took tup and the house
was carried handsomely. Inferior Jokes never
Jared so royalty, before. Presently delivered a
DIT OF serious matter with impressive unctio,5fit
was my pet) land the audience listened ~ ~, W.
sorbed hush that gratfed mesrbaSore Than "n an" "v
applause; and as dr9pnssga1ithe last word Of tie
clause happened 81 turn and catch Mrs. IS
her flashed q nn Eing eye; my conversation with
10 s,',iI.i ION me, and in spite of all ] could
~ snlig She took it for the signal and
~ .ho y, delivered mellow laugh thai touched
Cono eno hole audience, and the explosion that
-. Gf'io"eV was the triumph OF the EVENING" !
Thought that honest mau Sawyer would choke
himself; and as for the bludgeous they per-
formed like pile-drivers. But my poor little
morse OF pathos was ruined. 1t was taken as
an intentional joke, and the prize one of
the entertainment, and wisely let it 20 at
that.
All the papers were kind in the morninr, nv
appetite returned; | had an abundance of money.
"AlPs well that ends well y