The Lincoln County herald., 1872-04-11
TERMS OF ADvER rIsiNG.

II Burns we're living now, be would
tell the man that wants to see himself as
others SEQ him, to sun FOE office.
who's theref' cried . patsoa to a
passing figure one dark night. "it's ],
pat.ol; don's BE- afraid" kindly replied
an old woman.
A couple Of drunken vagabonds got
into the gutter, and after foundering somo
time, one of them mumblcd, Lets go
to another house; this hotel leaks"
An Irish doctor advertises that all
persons afflicted with deafness may hear
Of him at his house, where also blind per.
sons may see him daily from ten to
twelve o'clock
BE IN,TIME-"Brideet, told you to
have my hot water the first thing in the
morning" "Sure, s'r,' replied Bridget.
didn't bring it up and have it at the
dure last night, so US to have 1t in time?"
Thompson is not going to do anything
more in conundrums. lie recently asked
his wife the difference between his head
and hog, head, and s'1o safd there was
none. lie says that is not the right
answer.
A little waif, met in one Of Boston's
narrow thoroughfares the other morning,
when asked if she had mother, replied
naively, II dunno. but guess not, for
when | ran away this morning, tho old
'uns was quarrelliu' aud father had the
hatchet."
A teacher, questioning little boys
about the gradutions in the scale Of be-
ing, inquired, what comes next to man ?
when little shaver, who was evidently
smarting under q defeat in the previous
question, Immediately distanced all his
competitors by promptly shouting, His
undershirt, ma m
A wife wanted her husband to sympa-
thize with her in feminine quarrel; but
he refused, saying: "I've lived long
enough to learn that one womans just
as good US ano,her-if not better. "And
J." retorted the exasperatsd wife, "hsvo
lived long enough to learn that one man
is just as good as another-if not
worse j.
A chapter OF "Notes 10 Rome," in On
English magazine, opens with the follow.
ing anecdote -'''Did you visit Rome IN
your travels ? asked a gentleman, in the
interval Of waltz. Of his partner who
had just returned from doing the CONT.
nent Of Europe. Rome? Rome p re.
piled the young lady in hssitatiD~
| ,n;oo v,,a ,aa Ma mn nm % Poro2 Q
o yes. That is where we saw woman
shaving dog on the steps Of church. ;"
An ingenious Yankee was before the
Postmaster General, the other day, with
u postage stamp that had on its adhesive
side taste of choice candy. One sort
had chocolate, another orange, q third
lemon, and SO through the list of popular
sweetmeats. Tho inventor urged in
creased sales and waste that would como
from this improvement. The Postmas.
ter General reserved his decision as to
the advisability of the Government buy
ing out the confectionery business.
The following dialogue is said to have
taken place in school near Salisbury,
England: "Now, then, the 6rst boy Of
the grammer class, stand upr" First
boy stands up blushlng: "Here l be,
z.r." Examiner: "Well, my good boy,
can you tell me what vowels are r
First boy: "Vowls. zir?-Ees, of course
can" Examiner: "Tell INC, then,
what ore vowels 2" First boy, grinning
at the simplicity Of tho question:
"VowIs, zir? Why, vowls be chickens!'
A party of wits once stopped at q tav.
tho members called in the hostess.
"An .,elique," ho' sa,d, ~ am going to
give you . lesson in astronomy. Have
you not heard of the period when every.
thing must return to its former condi.
ton f? Know, then, that in sixteen thous.
and years we shall be here again. on tho
same day and at tho same hour. Will
you give US credit till then ?" The
hostess replied: II am perfectly will.
ing but it is just sixteen thousand years
since you were here before. aud you left
without paying; settle the old score,
and will trust you on the new"
Henry Clay onos went out to Aght
duel with Col. Thomas ii. Benton. II
was raining hard. Clay put up an um.
brella with one hand aud held his pistol
with the other. His second, Gen. Cyrus
NJ, Woolsy. of Louisville, protested.
Excuse me" said Clay; IL don't mind
being shot, but Won't bs wet" BENTON
was 80 much amused by this that no
flung down his pistol. He and Clay we're
friends until Be0toD's death. Hitherto
unpublished anecd0tc. from Henry A.
Wise's new book.
Some fifteen years ago o soughly- clad
man stepped into . cutlery store on
Washington street, aud throwing down =
pocket knife, said, "There is q knifo
which ! want sharpe"sd. fun going to
Caiifovnis, and I will call for n when |
come back" Before ,he clerk had time
TO recover from his as.onishment the sis-