The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1872-01-19
Mother.in.Lawleaaneaa.

y 49, - -~-7S
band, who communicates his expert
ence to the Philadelphia Transcript
in the following terms:
My name is Tubbs, and I am sep
arated from my wife. The latter is
not, be it understood, a consequence
of thu former; for, although l admit
that Tubbs is not a very euphonious
name, still it suits me, as far as l
know, was always satisfactory to
Augustine. Her mother did, l be
lieve, at the earliest stage of my in
timacy with her daughter, sniff dis
dainfully when it was pronounced,
but my good conduct and the stead
mess of my devotion Overcame her
objections, if she had auy, and Tubb
by maternal consent, was added to
Augustine Clarissa. No! the cause
of our separation grew up in our
family. Could L have looked into fu-
turity-had | foreseen-but no mat
ter. Augustine is with her mother,
and as that old lady is up to the
verge of moth rs-in-law, she is very
ikely y to stay here. am not fond
of cats. Candidly, I detest them.
My CONSERVATION can therefore be
imagined when, coming home one
evening, l saw slumbering serenely
in the lap of Augustine, a specimen
of this species. l mildly protested,
my motherin laws statement to the
contrary notwithstanding. I repre-
sented, as glowingly as 1 was able
the treachery Of the animal, its
proneness to dissipation and late
hours, and expressed it as my unal-
teracle opinion that no well-regulat-
ed family should tolerate one. But
no: 81 wished to deprive her of ev-
cry comforts" and the inevitable
mother, who was present, added that
Il was jealous of the cat" 1 yielded.
Under my wife's care the beast pros
pered. Its power for mischief rap
idly matured. I'll say nothing of
its forays upon the milk jug, of its
sampling every article of food be-
fore 1 partoOk Oft, but come at once
to the catastrophe that desolated my
home. The cat grew dissolute, as
knew it would. Absent all night
and completely done up in the NOR.
ming. l was shocked, and objected
strenuously. Augustine wept, and
restrained it Of its liberty. Our es-
arrangement began here. We slept
1 was aroused suddenly Augustine
exclaiming; "They are numbering a
child somewherer' I listed. Ii
was a cat. a male cat beneath our
window. | said so. Whether oul
interesting feline had made an en-
gagement that she was unable to
keep, or that the gentleman below
was merely warbling his attachment
to her, 1 cannot say. There was a
vigor in his squalling that suggested
broken promises, and q finish that
stamped him as an old performer.
His initial note was terrific, and he
rose by slow stages to a grandeur
that curdled the blood. A brick
would have been of incalculable
value. My proposition to Angus
tine to throw cut our cat to appease
him turned on the tears, and l aban,
doned the idea. l resolved to ex-
pend the water patcher. The move
ment was arrested by a squall so
defiant, that Augustine shrieked.
The minstrel below had been joined
by another cat. There was a short
fierce coloquy-a noise like an engi-
neer testing the water in his boiler,
and a combat ensued. 1 conceived
an idea. l had seen on the stage
the heroine of the piece throw her
self between two rivals, and crying
fore bear," spoil very pretty fight.
l acted on this. 1 tore from her
nightly resting place the cause of
contention outside, and hurried to
the window. Augustine OWNED my
intention, and threw herself upon
her favorite. "Let gor' ''Neverw
We both pulled. Augustine had the
tail. 1t was a strongly united one,
and stood the pressure. An idea.
1 let 60 the agitated qundruped,
who Immediately established the
truthfulness of my previous asser-
ton by corrugating her benefactress.
Augustine, clinging convulsively to
the tail, ,furthered the execution. l am
here accused Of fiendish cruelty, of
regaining possession OF the cat, and
throwing it, with portion of Angus
tine attached, out Of the window.
To those who know me denialis une-
cessary. Augustine threw herself
into the maternal arms next morn
ing, whereupon the maternal arms
threw a bench at me. l have done
my cooking ever since. Am likely
to do so. But l wish it distinctly
understood, that if, from the depri
vation of my society, the unhappy
woman finds an early grave, it is not
l who did. It's her mother. Let
the finger of scorn be pointed at her.
She can stand it. Personal CONVEX
sation will show that she can stand
anything. But thank heaven, the
cat is dead. I smile when l think
of that.