Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1872-11-16
VARIETY.

An lrisa c@ltor cougratulateS mal>st That
" half the lies told about him amt true"
Brown says wedliug-rings ought to be re-
christensi sgGey-inss. He has been married
five years
An old farmer said Of clergyman whose
sermon lacked point d" All, yes, ass good
man, but be viii rake with the teeth upwards
When a couple Of young people strongly DE-
voted to each other, commence to eat onions,
it is safe to proaOunce them engaged.
There ars two things in this world that are
net safe TO trifs with-a womaas opinions
and the business end Of wasp.
Whsn they want to get rid Of an unwelcome
Intruder in the far west they say, Fan him
with your boots. and tie fellow gets Up AID
sits"
There has beea a greater falling of in the
apple crop this season than before for many
years. It is accounted Tor by the fact tia:
there are 50 many more apples to fall Of.
\ man that marriss a widow, is bound to
give up smoking ana chewing. If she gives
up her weeds for him, As slos!d give up the
weed for her
It is al established fact tia: person who
is guilty Of squirting tobacco juice ia the house
Of worship, doesn't expect to rate as a gentle
man.
Among the curi.sitiss lately discovered is
musquito bladder. containing the souls of
twenty-four misers, and the fortunes Of twelve
printers-uesrly half full
OF a misery man who died of soitsnin. OF
the brain. a LEGAL paper said; His head gave
way, but his hand never did His brain soft
euej, but his heart couldn't"
A Western oditsT, in acknowledging the gift
Of a peck Of onions FROM a subscriber, SAYS
" Il Is such kindnesses as these that bring tears
TO our eyes"
" Sand us wives is the pitsous plea tha,
comes from Washington Territory and natural
" the question arises, whose wives shall We
send
The following cousr4tulatory telegram was
received by a wedding pair: Congratulations
on your uuptlls. May yoar future troubles
be only htJlc ones
A Western traveller writes " Ia passing
through the burnt district OF Wisconsin I saw
40 shrubs OF Oders anywhere. q tAius never
saw bsiore aud would not have believed il had
i not SCENT
A Disguised correspondent calls upon Us t.
deu0unce the long dresses the ladies spoil by
dragging them through the muddy street.
As we don't have To pay Tor the dresses the h-
dies thus spoi, we sL-.. leave the deuuuciatiJl
70 chose who 90.
A California man ;iei one end Of lariet
around bis waist and hssoej q COW with the
other. He thought be had the cow but no the
end Of the frs, half q mile be began % suspect
that the COW had ham.
What aSouiss must tia, poet have endured
who, writing Of bis love. asserted ia his man
uscrpt that he kissed her under the silsu,
stars, and found the comp0siuJr had made
him declare that lie kicked hsr under the
cellar stairs
At ladies Temperance meeting not long
since ono Of the members remarked that the
temperance cause bad been @ blessing % her
for, added she, s,ep, with "a barrel Of
rum for ten years bu. now She continued.
her eyes frightening since NY husband sisu-
ed the pledge ] have q man % sleep with
Then al. the sp.usters present laid tLerir hands
on their hearts, and saus-Amcu
a barber in T;usyille. while cutting th,
hair Of a rural customer, ran bis shears asaius.
some hard substance, which proved to Ls
milestone Tue cid farmer said he bad missed
that milestone ever since Layt.ms last July.
aud lad looked an over ten acre lot for
it, but now remembered sticking /; up over lis
car"
Let No young man ezpe.. success or pros
perity who disresaris the kind advice anu
pious instruction Of bis mother. What can be
mors couso,ius aud hear,-cheeriu. 10 severe
'aal,ctioa than tae f,al recollection Of a pioas
mothers prayers AMI ,slrs poured fourth aud
shed in Infancy Coz L-r beloved offspring,
A Little Bargain. Pet: Mamma. I
wait % make lce,c. bargain with you. - |
Mamma. WHAT'S it my dsare" Pct. ~If|
you VIII give msa paper Of sugar plaus every
day, 1 wo-.t Gel. anybody ,llt you take y.sr F..
hair ou, Of drawer
Tl..uir-ta ~ t-.., .-... l-...1..