The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1872-05-11
MRS. JONES'S PIRATE.
BY MAX ADELER.

"A o1.iS uiHoAJ pudoC od1iCu upOu Guc
spanish main in rakish-looking
chooner which was called the Mary
lane. She carried lots OF howitzers
md deadly rifed guns with shot, and
hell and powder and percussion caps
IL tuns.
The pirate was homely man, and
short and grim and fat; he wore a wild
md awful scowl beneath his slouching
nat. Swords, pistols and stilettos,were
arranged around his thighs, and demo-
1iacal glaring was quite common with
his eyes.
His heavy black tioustaches eur1ed
away beneath his nose, and dropped in
elegant festoons about his very toes
He hardly ever spoke at all, but when
uch was the case, his voice, twas easy
b perceive, was quite heavy bass.
He was not serious pirate and
ldepite his anxious cares, he rarely
fet to Sunday school, and seldom
aiV his prayers. He worshipped lovely
Women, and his hope i'll life was this
to elm his wild, tumultuous soul with
ptEt.lomestic bliss.
Wien conversihg With his shipniates
he veE often swore that he longed to
give u piracy and settle down on
shore. He tired of blood and plumber;
OF the oys that they could brin e; h
sighed : win the love of some affec-
tlotate yung thing.
One mcnihg as the Mary Jane went
bounding Ter the sea, the pirate saw a
merchant hrk far off upon has lee. He
ordered hfstit and spread all sail
that he Cad spare, and then went
down, in hpeful mood, to shave and
curl his hair
He blackeohis boots, and pared his
nails, and tied fresh cravat; he
cleansed his teeth, pulled down his
cuffs, and polished up his hat; he
dimmed with togr the radiance of his
fiery red nose, TO-, hanging with the
vessels wash, he law some ladies' hose.
Once more on deck, the strangers
hull he riddltd with ball. and yelled
4" say wha bark is that?' In an,
swer to his all tie skipper on the 9th
er boat replied In thunder tones
"This heres the bark Matilda, and
her Captains name is Jones! |"
The piratet told his bold corsairs tC
man the joll, boats, to board the bark,
and seize the crew and slit their tarr,
Threats and then to give his compli
ments to Captain Jones, and say hi
wished that b. and Mrs Jones woult
come and spend the day.
They reached the bark, they killed
the crew, they threw theth in the sea
and then theysought the captain, who
was mad as h, could be, because hi
wife-who saw the whole sad tragedy
1t seems-made all the ship vociferou
with her outrageous screams.
But when the pirates message cam
she dried her tears, and said, although
she'd like to come, she had unpleasant
fears, that his social status being yer
low, she might meet some common PEG
pie, whom she wouldn't care to know
Her husbands aged father she admit
ted dealt III bones, but the family de
scended from the famous Duke d
Jones; and such blue. blooded people
that the rabble might be checked, ha
to make their social circle excessivel
select.
Before she visited his ship she want
ed HIM to say if the Smytbes had re
cognized him in a social, friendly way
did the Jonsons ever ask him 'roun
TO their ancestral halls7 Was he notice
by the Thomson's? Was he asked t
Simms' balls?
The pirate wrote that Thomson wa
his host anl ~a-.>-,o rrIul-t, "
zen stopped at Jonson's when he had
week to spend. As for the Smythes
they worried him with their incessar
calls; his very legs were weary with tn
dance at Simms' balls.
CHE scoundrel fibbed most shame
lessly. In truth he only knew lot {
Smithes without "a most plebia
crew. His Johnsons used vulgar L
his Ihompsons spelled with p, hi
Slmses had one m, and they were q
common as could be-
Then Mrs. Jones mussed up her hal
and donned her best delalne, and wen
with Captain Jones aboard the schoor
er Mary Jane. The pirate won he
heart at once by saying with smile, b
never saw woman dressed with sue
exquisite style.
The pirates claim to status she wa
very sure was just, when she notice
how familiarly the Jonsons he discussed
Her aristocratic scruples then wer
quickly laid aside, and when the pirat
smiled at her reciprocity she sighed.
No sooner was the newer love with
her bosom born, than Jones was locke
upon by her with hatred and wit
scorn. She said twas true his ancestc
was famous Duke de Jones, but sh
shuddered to remember that his fathe
dealt in bones
So then they got at Captain Jone
and hacked him with sword, an
chopped him into little bits and tosse
him overheard. The chaplain read til
service, and the captain of the bark be
fore the widow s weeping eyes was gol
bled by shark.
The chaplain turned the prayer boo
Ger; the bride took off her glove
they swore to honor, to obey, to cheris
and to love. And, freighted full c
happiness, across the oceans foam tn
schooner glided rapidly toward tn
pirates home.
And when of ecstacy and Joy thei
hearts could hold no more, that pirat
dropped his anchor down and rowed hi
love ashore. And as they sauntered u
the street he gave his bride poke. an
said, In them there mansions live til
friends of whom I spoke"
She glanced her eye along the plate
of brass upon each door, and then he
anger rose as it had never done before
She said, "That Johnson has all h tina
Thompson has p! The Smith tina
spells without y is not the Smith TO
me !"