The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1872-05-09
VOLUME Vino. A.
All Sorts of Paragraphs.

to man.
- The bill we all receive with pleasure
bill of fare.
An old bachelor compares life to shirt
button because it so often hangs by thread.
Some one describes pbilanthropist as q
man who loves all mankind and neglects his
own family.
"A man is usually refused credit for one of
two reasons-either because we don't know
him, or because we do.
= An absent minded fellow shut down q
window and forgot to draw his head in. He
was calling for Helen Blazes when discover
ed.
- "Tndeed, you are very handsome" said
gentleman to his lady love-"Phoo phoo p
said she, $50 you'd say if you did not think So"
"And SO you'd think" he answered, "if l did
not say So"
- An old gentleman in Pennsylvania walked
forty miles to pay his subscription to newspa-
per. This is severe rebuke to the many men
who would walk forty miles to keep from pay
ing their subscriptions.
. A college student being examined in
Locke, where he speaks of our relations to the
Diety, was asked, What relations do most
neglectw He answered with the utmost sim
plicity, "Poor relations, sir"
= The fair sex is rapidly reaching position
where it will be able to defend its rights in q
legitimate way. Over one hundred ladies are
now studying law in this country, it is sup
posed, with that end in view.
= The wife of Welch minister, John Ev-
ans, asked her husband, "Do you think We
shall know each other in heaven? He replied:
"To be sure we shall do you think We shall
be greater fools there than here9"
= An inveterate bachelor being asked by a
sentimental young Miss, why he did not secure
some fond ones company in his voyage on the
ocean of life, he replied: ~ would, if were
sure such an ocean would be pacific"
"A preacher out in Iowa, whose congrega-
ton took up contribution for him in small
change, remarked as he pocketed the gift:
"We'll let her pass this time, but remember
this widows mite business is played out
herew
Some towns in Vermont having vaccina-
ted most of their population, are now a little
inclined to grumble because the smallpox does
not come along. There is general feeling
there that all the trouble has been taken for
nothing.
= An English writer advises young ladies to
look favorably upon those engaged in agricul-
tural pursuits giving as reason that their
mother Eve married gardener. He forgot to
add, however, that the gardener lost his situa-
ton in consequence of the match.
"A Chicago Times correspondent, now trav-
cling in the South, writes home: "The readi-
ness with which the people of the South ask
you to drink is only more remarkable than the
readiness with which the invitation is usually
accepted. The further South you go the often
er you are asked to drink, and the schooner do
you refuse"
= 1t is said that petition to Congress to
prohibit the calling of any more children by
the name of George Washington" is in Cir
cuation out West Something like this is due
to the memory of the great Virginian. The
modern George Washington lies and steals out
rageously and is already in Jail in various
parts of the country.
- Many persons who wear reading glasses
are sorely annoyed at the difficulty Of keeping
them in the proper position on the nose. To
all such it will be interesting to know that a
rising young optician has devised very in
genious experiment by which that end can be
accomplished 1t consists in driving tack
into the bridge of the nose and hanging the
glasses upon it,
A priest, the other day, who was examin-
ing confirmation class in the South of Ire
land, asked the question, "What is the sacra.
ment of matrimony 2" A little girl at the head
of the class answered, ",Tis state of torment
into which souls enter to prepare them for an
other and better world" "Put her down to the
foot of the class" says the curate. leave her
alone" says the priest; "for anything you or
know to the contrary she may be perfectly
right"
When number of gentlemen are congre-
gated at the corner of street, and lady
approaches, it is their duty to stand aside
quietly to allow her to pass. To range them
selves in line, and to make any remark as she
passes, is an ofense against good beeding and
propriety which only the most thoughtless
could commit 1t seems hardly necessary to
remind gentlemen OF duty so simple, but very
young gentlemen are sometimes forgetful of
even simple proprieties, and require to be re-
minded, in some form or other.
"A difident youth was paying his address
ses to a gay lass of the country, who had long
despaired of bringing things to crisis. He
called one day when she was alone. After set
Ting the merits of the weather, the girl said,
looking silly into his face: IL dreamed of you
last night" "Did you? Why, what' eyes;
1 dreamed that you kissed me-" "Why, now
What did you dream your mother said? ?" ooh,
I dreamed she wasn't at home" A light
dawned OH the youths intellect, singular
sound broke the stiffness, AID in a few weeks
they were married.
- There is hotel in San Francisco under
the sole management of the fair sex. From
the proprietress to the hall girl, from the bar
tender to the ot-black, all connected with
the establishment are women. The portresses
are muscular Germans, who handle the most
mammoth "Saratogas" deftly and easily, while
the clerk is handsome brunette, who parts
her short, black ringlets on one side, and
makes bright repartees to the jokes of the
drummers and salesmcn who largely frequent
the house. The bartender can make cock
tail quicker and better than any other in the
State, and drinks herself every time she is
asked to, which on an average is about fifty
times q day.
HoME1Y GIRLs.-How did that homcly wo-
man contrive to get married is not unfre-
quenty remarked of some good domestic
creature whom her husband regards as the
apple of his eyes, and in whose plain face he