Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1872-10-08
Cider Tvpsys.

CIDER IE1)SyS.
Miss-construction- Whalebone, wadding,
powder and paint.
An Iowa man traded his wife for shuck
mattress and bottle of muciage.
They have an Indian girl at Caughnawaga so
beautiful that every man who catches glimpse
of her face is at once smitten with the widest
love.
None but the brave deserve the fair. An
Indiana girl is now engaged to be married to a
young man whose hand she refused seven
times
Since Greedy fans made their appearance in
fan thine own, Augusta, dear, please Gree
ley me"
A German lately married says: 1t vas
youst so easy as needle could walk out NIT
camePs eye as to get der behindt word NIT a
voomans. 81
Laura s. Webb, publisher of the South st.
Louis. says she is on the fence" For the
fair LADY, sake we hope the palings aren' very
sharp pointed.
A sweet "girl graduate of Massachusetts,
school recently told an examiner that "Esop
was the author of the Latin fables, covered
with hair, and sold his birthright for mess pot
ASH"
The most gallant man ever heard of is one
who RETAINED from kicking dog that had Bit
ten him because it was female dog. "If it
wasn't for your sex, said he, I'D kick your
head off %
The use of cotton-An exchange says: -
Cotton seed is recommended as highly con-
centrated fesh-producing food Ladies dom
use the, seed, but the cotton itself, to make
them plump.
Montana grasshoppers are more ravenous
than usual this season. They eat wagon-tires.
and have been known to tickle a mule in the
ribs until he kicked, and devour his shoes while
his feet were in the air.
An Omaha belle leaned gently over a conn
ter, drapery lifted gently, enc corner of bus
tie protruded, and on it man dared to read /:
''Ail kinds of salt fish for sale by the half-bar
rel or kit" Miss uses another paper now.
Death said Santa Fe paper, with
heshless knuckles, raped at the door of Mrs.
j. n. BIS soul, and obedient to the inexorable
call, the spirit of that loved woman foated up
to its Creator, leaving her husband, children
and friends to mourn over her mortal casket. -
An enthusiastic admirer Of beautiful women
recently startled friend Been to church
this morning" he asserted ITO church ?''-
Yes, and such necks. Full and white and
good enough to eat-six of them all in row:
watched EN- all through service. o. myi
what necka -
A reporter, not as reliable as romantic in
describing fashionable wedding, got things
mixed up some, as bis account reads: She
stood before the altar On her head, a fair wreath
OF orange blossoms upon her dainty feet, love-
ly white satin shoes upon her roseate lips, a
eonhdlng, happy smile as she gazed lovingly
upon him who stood by her side.
The following epistle is from fond mother:
Mr.. Teacher-lf my gals gifts contrery, don't
behave respecterbal, and don't lern fast and
don git into gografy, take the hide clean off
ov her, Ii she is Is Il kicks up FUSS didn't
by very troly yors, Polly Peterson. l anne to
have her grow up like Yankee folks
"How do look, Pompey ?'' said young
dandy to his servant, as he had finished dress
ing. Elegant, Massa; you look bold as a
lion. - BOLD as lion, Pompey? How do
you know? You never saw lion" 20 yes
Massa | seed one down to Massa Tenk's in
his stable. +" Down to jerks, Pompey p
Why, you great fool jerks has not cot a
lion; that's a jackassi'' Cant help it, Mas
sa, you look like him I"
A GordonsVile lady, who couldn't persuade
her husband to get her patent clothes DRYER.
took the pole away from her old-fashioned line
and, crouching down by the fence. screamed
"Murder!' In an instant her startled lord
came flying out Of the house, was caught A.
cross the throat by the clothes-line, and. he
fore he could recover himself, it had nearly
sawed his head off. The next morning a som,
bre-looking man, with his neck all bandaeed
up, was seen putting up patent clothes-dryer
IN the same identical yard.
A wag was requested by an old lady to read
the newspaper for her. He took it nm and
read as follows: Last night, yesterday morn |
ing, about one clock In the afternoon. before |
breakfast, hungry boy, about forty years old. |
bought custard for levy, and threw it |
through brick wall nine feet thick, and
jumped over it, broke his right ankle off above
his left knee and fell into dry mill pond and
was drowned. About forty years after that.
on the same day. an old cat had nine turkey |
gobblers,; high wind blew Put me in nv
little bed. on frying pan, and killed sow |
and two dead pigs in Sharktow,i, where deaf
and dumb man was talking to his aunt Peter -
Whereupon the old lady, taking long breath
exclaimed, 'Du tell. % WIS ''"n'
DAT IsH GooT.-As gentleman from Nev
fork was taking glass of wine at ST. Louis.
corner OF Freeman and Honkino stroot o.