Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-02-16

EIumOre
The land Of Nod-An auction shop
Mutual acknowledgements and Coroners.
ga cold snap'-Breaking a leg on the
ice
The Ready-money system Dun, or be
done.
No wonder Job was cold-he had poor
comforters
An off.hand fellow -one who has lost
both lis arms.
The best band to acs' mpany lady oculist
"a husband.
A debt for which ere is no attachment
the debt of nature
Women think all raon are thieves Well
they may rob them e7en of their names.
Why is an almanac simply advice thrown
away Because it comes in at one year,
and goes out at the O her.
''Suicide in the second degree is what
they call it in Kans;a when woman hangs
herself and the rope eaks.
Utah may have lis plural wives observes
Mr. Quilp, but other parts, Of the country
have singular ones.
A boy in Iowa h silver quarter stuck
fast in his throat. can't be a good quar-
ter OF it would pass.
A wag says, judging by the size Of fash
ionable shoes, it is safe inference that many
of our women stano on trifes.
A New York paper has big headline,
Grants Fondnesf For the Drama" Hasn't
the printer speit it With one letter too much?
A Democratic editor says : awe are liv-
ing at this moment under an absolute des-
potism." We suspect he married the wrong
woman.
An exchange says Grant is ''Jonah in the |
Republican ship Then for Heavens |
sake, hurry up the whale that is TO swallow
him.
"Ahw unused Smith, as he contemplated
his extensive cole ;tion Of New Years bills,
show true it is thst in the midst of life we
are in debt"
A little girl wa ted to say that she bad
fan, but bad for yotten the name, SO she
described it as ga thing to brush the warm
off With"
An old lady thinks the ''bonds" must be
family of strong religious instincts, be-
cause she hears Of many Of them being
converted"
Young Swell Il say boy what do you
do with your clothes when you have worn
them out -
Boy: l wears 'em home again p
Rumor has it that beautiful young la
dy not yet out Of her teens has declined six
offers Of marriage. If this is so she should
be called a slay belle for wringing SO many
hearts.
An Englishman about to be hung for
numbering his shrewish wife, sorrowfulIy
remarked on the gallows L led her to the
alter, and now she has led me to the hal
ter
Now is the time to rally to the festive do.
nation party. A donation party is festive
gathering, where poor clsrgyman's flock
overwhelm him with 3oad watch pockets,
and eat up about SIP, worth of his provi-
siOns.
81 will consent to a! you DESIRE said
a young lady to her ever, "on condition
that you will give me hat you have not,
what you never car Rave, and yet what
you can give" What I'D she ask for A
husband.
A Witness under cross-examination, who
had been tortured by lawyer for several
hours, at last asked for drink Of water
"There," said the jp lie, II think you'd
better let that witness 6 o now, as you have
pumped him dry
The Cincinnati EagAirer's Deutsch poet
is shocked at the nee small boy on the
Davidson Fountain
f'Der Small Poy stan on der fountain,
Dnd he don't GO On any close,
Und der young gals dey all blush und say,
Vat he meansby slch conduct as dose"
WHIsKEY STILL.--An Irishman speaking
of his native country, said it was an execra-
BILE place, in fact, The only thing in it
worth owning was he whiskey, and that
certainly was admirable. You mean to say
then, said waggish friend, ''That with all |
her faults, you love her still D
What he caught. johnny, where is
your pa p "Gone fishing, sir" HE was
fishing yesterday, was he not?'' Yes, SIR"
"What did he catch ?" "One catfish, the
rheumatism, two cells, the toothache, and |
some little ones. lLa says he will catch fits
to-day just wait till he gets home"
An elderly gentleman travelling in a stage
coach was amused ~ the constant fire of
words kept up by Two ladies. One of them
at last kindly inquired if their conversation
did not make his ad ache, when be coolly
answered
"No, madam have been married
twenty eight years
an Irishman fell from the third story Of
building in course Of erection. A friend
ran to him expecting to find life extinct,
but instead the tough Celt raised up scratch
ing his head and rubbing his shoulders his
friend asked, did your fall hurt you % when
Pat replied ''no ye blasted fool, twas the
stopping SO quick"
A pious Irishman, not long since, in ex.
Aout;nr o roeat;no lot his remarRs take an