Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1872-11-05
LaGaach for HaI2saO2.jsts.


LeSsac7a tfo7. Ha1s,sos.5sts.
The happy medium-a gentleman between
two ladies.
It is said that the washerwomen are getting
up wiring
Hoopskirts are worn no longer in Paris-they
are worn shorter.
Was William PENIS pocket handkerchief
the original pen wiper?
Henry Wilson says he has made fourteen
hundred speeches since he has been upon God S
green earth" Enough to blight it.
A st. Louis man advertises for ''girs to work
10 hair. Married women would be more ex-
perienced in that business.
A musical genius Of this city is SO full of
quavers that he always makes a "stop" when
he comes to ''bar.
Backward, turn backward, oh time in your
flight. Agassiz has discovered that oysters
used to be foot in diameter.
''I'd rather not take horn with you,'' said
the loafer to the mad bull, but the bull insist
ed on treating him to two, and the loafer got
quite high.
The little poetess who starts out: There is
wall within ny heart" has excited the dis
gust of her big boor of a father, who threatens
to whale it ali out Of her.
The Chicago Journal concludes that Grant
''never had the slightest pretensions to orator
ical gifts" Exactly, but when it comes to the
other gifts he turns his back to no man.
Market Reports Tongue, plenty, going fast;
brains, scarce and wanted; cheek, full supply
pluck, market bare; hearts. unsteady, price
factuating, mostly sold for cash on delivery
"Who was the meekest man, my son?' said
the superintendent of boy bible class in the
State Of Vermont. Moses, SIR" 'Very
well, my boy; and who was the meekest wo-
man z Please, sir, there never was no meek
est woman.
A merchant who was troubled all day Mon
day By something in the toe of his boot, found
his wlfe's Sunday hat therein, when he re-
moved it. 1t WASH his hat so he was phio-
sophie, and only sWore little at his wife S care
lessness.
A youthful Danbury lover who sang and
played before his young lady's house for two
mortal hours the other night. was electrified af-
ter short pause by cordial thank you"
gracefully pronounced by the ''other fellow"
who appeared at the window.
Little Willie f., was recently presented toy
One night when he was about to be put to his
little bed, and was ready to say his prayers,
he handed the trumpet to his grandmother,
saying, Here grandma, you blow while I
pray"
A man equipped with saw an axe and a
bucket leaped from moving train at Oldtown,
Me-, and the excited imagination Of the Ban
gor Wing reporter depicted him as revolving
through the air with the aforesaid implements
sailing around him like the moons around Ju-
piter.
Poor GIRLs.-M. Lindeman, who evidently
knows more about female hair than he ought,
informs us that every hair In false plat ends
with nodosity each nodosity contains so pso-
rosperms; each psorosperm throws off minute
spheres which become pseudo-navicellae, and
that the pseudo-navice8 in ballroom where
there are 60 false-capillaried ladies, amount to
100000, which, when inhaled, force their
way into the circulation and bring on cardiac
affections. Girls would, no doubt, rather go
bald-headed than make themselves headuuar-
ters for few million nodosties, psorosperms,
pseudo-naviceae, and other cheerful reptiles.
Stop THE INTEREST. Daniel Webster once
dined with an old Boston merchant. and when
they came to the wine, dusty old bottle was
carefully decanted by Peter and passed to the
host. Taking the bottle he poured out Mr..
Webster glass and handed it to him. Then
pouring out another for himself, he held it to
tn the Hight and said:
How do you ike ike IT. It Mr.. Webster2''
Il think it fine specimen Of old Old Port?'
Now, you can't guess what that cost me -
said the host
Surely not, said Mr.. Webster Il only
know tina; it is excellent
WELL now I can tell you. for made a care
ful estimate the other day When [ add the
interest to the first price, [ find that it costs
me the sum Of just one dollar and twenty cents
Good gracious you don't say So" said
Mr. Webster; and then draining his glass he
hastily presented it again with the remark:
Eli up again as quick as you can, for want
to stop that COMPOUNDED interest"
NECESSARY IN a NEW COUNTRY. lenient
county Judge of Oakland, New York, usually
prefaced sentences with the following formula
Prisoner, hold up your hand You have
been found guilty of-trespass, assault and lar
ceny, as the case might be-but the court takes
into consideration that this is new country
Society is unsettled the laws are not under
stood, and we must expect such things in set
ting new country. SO | give you thirty
DAYS"
On one occasion man was arraigned for
wllfuI perjury. He had property and standing,
but the case was'so clear that the jury pro-
nounced him guilty, without leaving their seats
The prosecuting attorney was in ecstaces over
what all criminal lawyers considered no small
expiolt-the recovery of verdict of guilty on
an Indictment for perjury. The prisoner was
Drought up for sentence, and the judge com
menced:
You have been convicted of perjury, pris-
oner. This is grave oifense; but [ consider
Cnab THIS is new country, and we must have
some perjury among the difficulties of settling
new country SO shall only give you thirty
days 10 the county jail 9'N ~" Unity
zine prosecuting attorney, to wind I'D case
OF false swearing, went outside the court honse
and gave vent TO large volume Of the genuine
article. ''''