Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1872-08-31
THE LAST STAMP.
ny WARE TWAIN.

Leonidas Lunch recently stepped
INTO dming-saloon, not more than a
hundred rods from Franklin Statue,
and with composed but hungry coun-
tenance called for a plate of hash in a
very genteel voice. 1t happened fortu-
nately for him. that the desired COM
pound was not quite ready, and one of
the walters told him so, at the same
time handing him paper, and politely
asking him to take a seat. Leonidas
did so, with grateful bow, at the same
time remarking he was in no hurry :;
and he was not, as will be presently
proven. He observed, as he was com
placently reading the last news of the
Alabama claims, that the waiter was
backing his own boots; which done,
Leonidas arose and asked for the brush :;
lust to rub bit of mud from his own
boots"
Taking the brush in one hand, and
the blacking in the other, in few mo.
ments he had given his foot-casings a
brilliant polish, then followed up his
luck by liberal and adroit use of the
broom brush over his clothes. He took
up a hat brush and regcncrated the nap
of his sad silk hat.
Those hash are not quite ready
yet, are they?'' he coolly inquired; and
being answered in the negative, he said
it was no matter, Gas he was not wanted
at the City Hall just YETI" and turning
around, calmly surveyed the arrange
mGnts of the place, and condescended
the remark that it was "not quite equal
to the Metropolitan or Delmonico's,
still neat very neat indeed"
Upon careful examination of his
hands he observed that the blacking
had solled them; he proceeded to the
wash basin, he turned on the Croton,
and with free use of scented soap, he
secured his face and hands most thor
oughly. Thel, he whisked out q once
white handkerchief, quickly washed
and wrung it, and returned it to his hat
to dry. The waiter being busy with
other customers, took but little notice
OF his maneuvers, and taking advan-
tage OF this suspicious fact, Leonidas
removed the dirty paper collar and
substituted q clean one; Immediately
subsequently he had hold of castor
bottle containing sweet-oil, and pour
ing out about an ounce, he treated his
now before II mirror, he made rapid
and tasteful use of Il comb and brush
Observing his movements, one of the
walters approached hini with:
Have you given your order, sir ?"
so yes, thank you. It's coming on
soon.'
"What dish was it, sir?"
Hash. A plate of nice hash, to
begin with"
Leonidas now approached the coun-
ter, where seeing Il case of fancy arti-
cles, among them tooth brushes, he
called for one as if intending to pur-
chase, and after long scrutiny he
selected one, at the same time helping
himself to pinch of snuff, just as the
proprietor was closing his snuff box
lie now lightly stepped to the wash
basin and gave his teeth such clean
ing as few teeth can withstand, and
finished just us the anxious waiter hur-
ried breathlessly toward him, exclaim-
ing:
Here's your hash, sir! Hash, sir,
hash p
Leonidas laid down the tooth brush
and strobe with dignity to table where
he seated himself with satisfactory
lla !" as if one of John Ludin's ban
quets had been spread before him.
After one mouthtul, "Here, waiter,n
exclaimed he, "till this water pitcher,
and bring me the walnut ketchup 7"
This mandate being fulfilled, he pro
cceded to lay waste the hash. After
finishing that, with which he dcvoured
halt Il dozen thick slices of bread and
about quarter of pound of butter,
he crumbled the remaining slices into
a tumbler of milk, the pitcher happen,
ing to hold about two quarts. Seeing
nothing else to eat on the table except
plate OF pickles, he swallowed them
all, regardless of curds, probably con.
sidering that he had stomach enough
for anything.
By this time Leonidas Lunch ap.
pcared to have got quite comfortable,
for fitting his chair back against the
wall, crossing his legs and folding his
hands, he fell into snooze, having
achieved one of the cheapest dinners
on record. In little while he began
to snore harmoniously, resounding
blasts of victory.
" say, Jack" said one waiter to an.
other, "who Is that snoozer out there
agin the wall?'
81 don't know. Thought you did,
he makes himself SO much at home
He called for plate Of hash about two
hours ago. Said something about not
being in a hurry to go to the City Hal
Clerk, perhaps"
:" noticed no swallowed all the
bread and milk and pickles. and thinneC
that butter down."
"What makes him snore so p
i" spose it's the pickles quarreline
with the milk"
AT this moment Leonidas sneezeC
with uch violence that his chair tilteC
forward, and he awoke amidst peal o
laughter from the waiters-the custc m
ers having long before gone about thei
business.
- Had good sleep. sir p gravely in
quired t waiter, as Leonidas arose an,
strobe up to the counter to settle 70
his hash