Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1872-08-14
Humorous.

A DowN-EAsT shopkeeper advertises
'squart" bowls of all sizes for sale
cheap.
HE Freeport Journal says: "Pairs
are abundant at that place, and front
gates are loaded down with them on
fine evenings" sss--z-
A CHICAGO dry goods dealer adver
tlses 1.-The most alarming sacrifices
since the days of Abraham and Isaac"
MRS. SHoDDY puckered up her mouth
genteelly and told gentleman friend
that one of her lovely daughters was
: bluenet" and the other ''bronze !"
JOSH BILLINGS says FsGive the devil
his due reads well enough in proverb
but what will become of me and you if
this arrangement is carried out?''
A LITTLE girl wanting a fan, but not
being able to remember the word. said
"she wanted thing to brush the flies
off with. "
g [ WILL preach from dat part of de
Scripture dis evening"" said a colored
dominic, 81" whar de 'postle Paul pints
his 'pistle at the 'phesians.
"THE whole thing has gone to the
devil, y said gentleman of some unfor-
tunate speculation. Never mind. y
said Jerrold, you'll get it back when
you die"
JOSEPH, OF vlrtuOus memory, seems
to have been the first victim Of the
Dolly Warden mania-only his gar
ment was simply called coat of many
colors. ..-.. .-
THERE is nothing like a good defini-
ton. as the teacher thought when he
explained the meaning of cold maid
as woman who had been made a very
long time.
A WE'LL KNOWN journalist went up to
one of the United States Marine Band,
and asked: ''Parlez vous Anglias ? %
Yer sowl to the devil, why not 2"
asked the marine.
ST. LOUIS has two sisters-a stone
cutter and an undertaker-one of whom
addresses new ODDLY Warden tomb
stones, " and the other calls particular
attention to her ODDLY Warden Cask-
cts"
A LITTLE girl went into a drug store
the other day, and said to the proprie-
tor in halt whisper: ''If little girl
haln't got no money how much chewing
gum do you give her for nothing?''
g NEVER saw such cold woman as
Mrs. --- is" SAID an envious beau
ty of another the other evening. CT
feel quite confident that she must give
her husband cold in the head when
ever she kisses him.
" Mrs. MIEFIN, said a visitor, 'sEm-
ma has your features, but [ think she
has got her fathers hair ooh, now
[ see," said the fdear little Emma :"
6 it's because [ have fathers hair that
he has to wear wig"
A GENTLEMAN was fretting about the
loss of an Overcoat and umbrella that
had been stolen from his hall, and
petulantly said, Beside, it's such
waste of the articles, for the thief is
pretty sure to go at last where he will
need neither of Them
| A CELEBRATED poet, writing to an ed
| itor, proposed to supply HIM with any
length of lines, and for any occasion.
The reply was practical: "Send me
a hundred yards of lines strong enough
| to fish for conger eels, and that will
bear the tug Ola porpoise, as [ am 60
ing to the Isle of Wright for a weeks
fishing"
A DISAPPOINTMENT: Eligible Bache-
lor (gallantly) "Of course your
daughters engaged for every remaining
dance, Mrs. Jones? I need scarcely
ask such question:"
Anxious Mamma (delighted). No,
! indeed, dear Sir James
Eligible Bachelor. "Oh-er-I ami"
-P101ch.
A CLERGYMAN in a Lawrence church,
on a recent occasion, discovered, after
commencing the service, that he hao
forgotten his notes. AS it was too late
to send for them, he said to his au-
dience, by way of apology, that this
morning he should have to depend upon
the Lord for what he might say, but in
the afternoon he would come better
prepared.