Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1872-07-18
BABIES.
Am old DefInition verified.


magazine discourses as follows on fa-
miliar and humorous subject;
Babies are bundles of clothes with
yellow heads" Some months ago | re-
ceived letter from the Royal Geo
graphical society, informing me that
this definition was inaccurate, as in
tropical climates babies had black faces
and were frequently found without any
clothes worth speaking Of. This don't
believe. have often seen black men at
St. James Hall and elsewhere, but who
ever saw black baby2 l wrote back,
saying that if DR.. Livingstone, when he
come home, brought among his speci-
mems of other insects any black babies
| should have great pleasure in inspect
ng them and giving him a certificate,
that is, providing they did not prove
stuffed seals or large cockroaches. There
are great number of babies in the
world Most of them are, however,
kept out of sight in cradles, hen-coops,
attics and old clothes baskets. A man
once told me that the reason OF this
was because, if they were allowed to
crawl about the streets or parks, no one
could stir out for fear of walking on
them, or tripping over them, in either
of which cases the people so dong
would be prosecuted by our friend Lath-
bury. 1t was once proposed by a very
clever Irishman to try all the babies
found at large by the treason felony
act; but, as all British subjects are enti-
tied to be tried by jury of their peers,
and as babies can never be depended on
to keep their oaths, the idea had to be
abandoned. Babies are all nearly the
same size. When they are very small
they are called infants, and fed on but
ter and brown sugar and turpentine.
Sometimes the turpentine rises to their
head, and they behave in the most out
rageous manner once saw an infant
who drank too much turpentine sitting
on a pillow on the ground and yelling
with all its might at a most respectable
looking old lady, who was the infant S
grand aunt, and had lot of money in
the funds. Whenever the grand-aunt
pointed her finger at the infant it yelled
louder than ever, and tried TO bite the
finger. The grand-aunt left the house,
and settled all her money on an instltu-
tion for elderly unmarried women. The
education of babies is generallyin very
backward state; indeed, they do not ap-
pear to know much Of the English Ian
guage beyond the words papa, ma
ma ma, me" go" "by.h Their at
tempts at French are even worse; they
are continually using such low French
as "ajou," " day-day, baba and
"by-by." A man once told me there
can be no doubt that babies are de-
scended from niggers, for they always
say me" for II"
Babies do not differ much in temper,
size, and disposition. They are violent,
about the size of pillew, and covetous.
| once saw baby with a eorkscrew,
pair of tongs, hand-bell, and broken
hearth-brush, and nothing could induce
it TO part from any of them, although it
had got the corkscrew half way into its
ear and the handle Of the hearth-brush
altogether down its throat. When you
come near a baby it stretches out its
hand and clutches your necktie. This
is, the mother tells you, mark Of high
favor, and sign that the baby desires
to kiss you. When you stoop forward to
kiss the creature it seiZes you by the
hair, and every one but you laughs and
saws what precious baby it is. When
you sit down you are asksd to hold the
baby. You take it in your arms and
place it on your knee. Immediately it
catches hold Of your collar, and tries to
stand up on your best trowsers with its
dirty boots. If you don't allow it, the
mother says: "0h, do, Mr.. So-and-so,
let him stand up; he is quite delighted
at having discovered he can stand, and
it won't hurt him." 1t then lays hold of
your shirt studs, and shoots out its fin
ger at your eye, and drives a hand
sticky with wet sugar into the bosom OF
your shirt. Not unfrequently it behaves
in manner so inconsiderate that de-
scription is impossible. This makes
you wish to put it down and stamp
on il with your right foot. Ba-
bies, like dogs, are not found wild
in any country. They are always to be
met with in the vicinity Of mankind
They are usually the companions of wo-
men. In savage countries when the
men are out hunting tigers with their
horses and dogs the women amuse them
selves with feeding babies and washing
scalps and drying beef in the sun; in
civilized countries when the men are
out shooting pigeons or hunting hares
with their dogs, the women look at the
babies and sit down until their hair
grows down. to their feet, put on tight
dresses, and learn the names of their
children, il they have time after coming
in from seeing their friends. The most
singular thing about babies is that each
one is larger and finer than any one
which has ever been seen before. The
FIRST thing a woman does when she takes
baby in her hands is TO hold It at arms
length and say, "0h, dearV or Oh,
my goodnessl" or some other powerful
words :" What fine little fellow, and
only seven months old, tool Why, Mrs.
.So-and-so's baby is ten months, and this
little fellow is twice his weight Upon
my word, Mrs. SO-and-so, have seen
many q baby, but this is the. finest.
Mrs. So-and-so smiles, and takes the
baby, and shows how it can very nearly
stand when it is held up under the arms
and has its back against the leg OF a sofa.
A man once told me that men were de-
scended from babies What Mr.. Darwin
said about monkeys was bad enough, but