Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-10-04
HunOr.

The surest slip knots are said to be lovers
ties
Olergymen and brakemen do the most coup
ling.
Counting after marriage-Applying for d.
vorce.
Odd again-It was the first pair ate the first
apple.
Tho Western wits now call bigamy Utahlizing
the female sex.
A drunkard is like bad account, because he
generally overbalances
Why is love like potatoa Because it be-
comes less by paC)ring.
For what port is a man bound during court
ship? Bou nd to Hayre.
Butler says Greeley's election means war. If
so, with him it means spoons.
: Love is described as very much like Scotch
plaid-all "stuff' and much crossed.
A Delaware widow has cen married four
times, and always to bank president. Faro?
Some wo men are angry when you tell them
you love them. Others are angrier when you
don't.'
ways looked under the head of marriages for
the news o the weak.
A man led suddenly from intemperance, and
Western jury found that the sdeceaaed came
to his death by drinking drinks"
A young man who recently took to himself
wife, says he didn't find it alf so hard to get
married as he did to get the furniture.
A German who was lately married says, ''it
is easier for needle to walk out of camel's
eye than for mans to git der lasht word nit
yooman"
An old lady who had heard that a young friend
had lost place by misdemeanor, une harit ~
observed that there was alters woman at the
bottom Of it.
The man whose wife extorted from him
promise not to smoke finds that as there was no
government stamp on it, it has no effect upon
him until after October /.
"Steel your heart" said considerate father
to his son, ''for you are now going among fas-
cinating girls" IT had much rather steal
theirs, said the unpromising youth
An elderly lady being asked how it happened
she never saw the man yet that she would con-
sent to cook three meals day during lfe
An Alabama paper publishes the following no.
tice married, at Film tstone, by the Rev. Mr..
Windstone, Mr.. Nehemiah Sandstone and Miss
Wilhelmina Egglestons, both of Limestone"
A new dish is grape leaves fried in an egg bat
ter. It il called French dish. We can't think
of anything that would be more delicious than
fried grape leaves, unless it is circus poster on
toast.
An Indiana town has the following ordinance.
sDogs that are not colared and labelled no
matter how respectfully connected, will have
their narratives amputated one inch south of
their ears"
A gentleman who has been enjoying the ncom.
forts" of country boarding house, says that his
bed constantly reminded him of Richard III be-
cause it was "deformed, unfinished, and scarce
half made up"
A lady, who asserts that her opinion is based
upon close observance, says that men, as rule,
regard their wives as angels for just two months,
namely; month before marrying her, and
month after burying her.
sWhat's to become of me, if you die 2" asked
an afectionate wife of her receding husband
81 don't know" he snapped out ENORMOUSLY, |
SIT would look better in you to be thinking |
about what's to become of mser'
The Jewish Messenger suggests Stanly should |
now DO detailed to hunt.up the lost tribes of Is
rael, who disappeared about twenty-five centu-
ries ago, and who have since kept studious ST. |
lence concerning their whereabouts.
t'Why, Ichabod, thought you got married
more'n year ago?'' "Well, Amt Jerusha, it
was talked OF, but found out that the girl
and all her folks were opposed to it, and so 1
inst give 'em all the mtten and let the thing
drop"
A New York clergyman having forgotten his
notes the other Sunday, apologized to his con.
gregation.by saying that he would have to depend
on the Lord that morning for what he nigh saw.
but in the afternoon he would come better pre-
pared.
NOW, John, suppose there's load of hay on
one side of river, and jackass on the other
side, and no bridge, and the rivers too wide to
swim, how can the jackass get to the hay ?u ss1
give it up" "Well, that's just what the other
iackass did,
A Grocer, being solicited to contribute to tn.
building of a new church, promptly subscribed
his name to the paper in the following eccentric
manner : "John JONES' (the only place in town
where you can get IL pounds of sugar for dol.
lar)-25 cents"
A raw Irishman, just over, went into restau-
rant, and was asked by the waiter what he
have. ssWhy. whites to ate of coorse,n was
the reply. A plate of hash was placed before
him. Stats datl' demanded Mickey. ssThats
wittles," was the answer. Mickey eyed the
compound suspiciously for some time and final
ly exclaimed: 'Be jabers the man chewed that
can ate itp'
WILSON AT BULL RUN.-When Col. Henry Will
son, now Radical candidate for Vice President,
was in Boston, raising regiment, little fellow
one day presented himself at headquarters and
asked for commission.
"Have you seen service2" asked the Colonel.
ayes, Colonel, I was in the three months SER
vice."
"Were you at the battle Of Bull Run?''
ri was, Colonel"
Colonel Wilson has delicate vein of humor
in him so, winking to his staff, he asked:
"And did you run we'll ?"
ssI used due diligence, Colonel did the
hest could, but couldn't keep up with you in
that hack" u