The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1872-12-06
Varieties.


Varieties.
The black rat is of high English line
age.
PLAYING on the violin draws mosqui-
toes.
SIC TRANSIT is what they call travail
now.
The largest room in the world is said
to be the room for Improvement.
To MAKE a jam tart-leave out your
sugar when you preserve your plums.
WHEN is lady like a show window?
When she takes great pains with her
sash.
A FACETIoUs man introduced Hume
ouce as Gentleman Hume you should
know"
CUrTING-To give the darling of your
hoart u seal ring and see your rival
wearing it.
WBY is a selfish friend like the letter
"P p Because, though the first in pity,
he is the last in help.
AN old ba heller says woman may be
surprised, astonished, taken all aback,
but never dumbfounded.
IT is said that iron is good tonic for
deblltated young ladies. That may be
so, but ironing Is better one.
Mrs. SNIDKINs says her husband is
three.handed man-right hand, left
hand, and little behind hand.
Mrs. PARTINGToS awakes from long
siumDer 10 say that she thinks this thing
OF shaking hands across the bloody sar.
casm IS all tomtoolery.
A YOUNG lady studying French and
finding that "belle" meant fine" told
somebody in letter that we had good
deal of belle weather lately.
IT is now claimed that the architect
of the great Chinese wall was a woman;
but woman wouldn't do anything to
keep the men out OF the way.
The ladies complain that the present
styles of hats are exceedingly homely;
but they buy them nevertheless. They
would buy a hedgehog if it had bugles
on it.
The generality of suspicious persons
are more irritated than gratitied at dis.
covering innocence in the individual
whom they have prejudged to have been
guilty.
A POOR but honest young lady, who
earns living by working on hoop.
skirts, in reply to an inquiry, stated that
she had spent the summer sat the
spring."
A MAN lately made wager that he
had seen horse going at his greatest
speed and dog sitting on his tail, and,
SUI ange as it may seen, he won, but the
dog sat on his own tail.
"SIX feet in his boots ~ exclaimed
Mrs. Beeswax, what will the impu.
dence of this world come to, | wonder?
Why, they might as well tell me that a
man had six heads in his hat"
"a PART of your business will be 20
answer the door," said a lady to new
girl just from Old Virginia. "Deed.
mst'ess, an does your door speak ?'' ex.
claimea the astonished quadroon.
Why don't you get down and lead
the horse? That is the way to keep
warm," said gentlemen to boy one
cold day. No." said the American
youth. "lt is b.borrowed horse, and
I'll ride him if freeze"
But one man has died at CHEYENNE
with his boots off since the town
sprouted, and he had them in his teeth
and was crawling out of a bedroom
window, when an avenging pistol ball
let daylight shine through him.
The most noteworthy geological cir
cumstance of the season is that of the
enthusiastic investigator who has been
supping on Welsh rabbits for a week
past, in order that he NAV be able to
ascertain whether Nightmares are sub
ject to the horse disease.
4" JoHN, did you leave Mr.. Jones' UNI.
brella at his house ?' "No, ma" said
John. And why not, my son ? Didn't
/ tell you tor Yes, ina" said John,
but didn't you tell me a little while
ago TO keep something for rainy day,
and what better thing can | keep than
an umbrella ?"
AN old bachelor got married. Fifteen
days atter-mind you, fifteen days-he
met friend, and said to him: "Why
is my wife like a baker who is makinga
small gooseberry pie?' don't know"
replied the friend. "Well." said the
disagreeable creature, ats because she
is growing little tart"
AN old agricultural laborer in En-
gland tried a singular method of evan
gellzlng his family. Being demonstrated
with by the pastor for net bringing
up" his boys as he should, he replied,
" dunno 'ow tits, sir; | order 'em down
to pray every night an mornin', an
when they won't go down | knock 'em