Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1872-12-05
Varieties.

MAN oYer-bored-An editor.
QuAck-A doctor whose silence lies in
his bill.
"SrIIL LIrE''-The whisky manufac-
turing business. ssNs1 elIsH
DoBB1Ns says that eourtship is 6liss,but
matrimony is blister.
WHAT grows the less tired the more it
works p A carriage-wheel. r3 Is
WHY is a shoemaker like true-lover?
Because he is faithful to the last.
WHEN will water stop running down
hill? Why, when it gets to the bottom.
If tree were to break window,
what would the window say ? Tree-mend-
usi
WHEN does a leopard change his
spots /? When he moves from one spot
to anotheri @s1A-
MODEL surgical operations-To take
the cheek out of man and the jaw out
of a woman. .
Why is a man who never lays wager
as bad as a regular gambler7 Because
he's no better. q g.fs,s7
Why are lawyers like shears? Because
they don't cut each other, but only what
comes between theml t9AE
Why can you never expect a fisher
man to be generous /? Because his bust
ness makes him sell-fsh. a3m -
AN editor who received a letter in
which weather vas written wether,"
says it was the worst spell of weather
he had ever seen.
"THe dearest spot on earth" has at
last been located. Those wishing to
find that +" spot" will find it at the store
that does not advertise.
Why was the whale that swallowed
Jonah like a milkman who has retired
on an independence? Because he took
a great profit (prophetl out of the waterl
A SCHOOL inspector visiting school
said, "Now, children, who loves all
men ?,' The question was hardly put be-
fore little four year old girl answered,
All women P'
"IF,' says Beecher, "you are walking
down the street, and a chambermaid
empties a slop-pail on your head, what
can you do about it but wash yourself
and move on 2"
A YOUNG man advertises in a country
paper for a place as a salesman, and says
having been discharged from seven diff
| ferent situations within the year, z.9a
,T1rusv1LLE girls now refuse to go boat
riding with Points, of the Press. lie
took party out recently and presisted
in moving his quid of tobacco from one
! law to the other, thus rocking the boat
and frightening the girls. 49,
A T1rusv1bLE wife placed toy snake
| in her husbands boots, and then could
| hardly get breakfast because of her
| snickering at his performances when be
discovered it. He first looked IN the
mirror, then went and threw his demi-
John of old rye into the mill race. 500
JONES and his wife were always quar-
reling about their comparative talent
for keeping a fire. Sle insisted that
| lust as surely as he attempted to rear
ange the sticks with the tongs he put
| the fire out. One night the church bell
sounded an alarm, and Jones sprang TOR
his fire bucket, eager to rush to the con-
fiagration. /" Mr.. Jones" cried his wife,
as he reached the door, " Mr.. Jones,
take the tongs ~
A CITY youth, disposed to be facetious
at the expense of countryman, asked
him why sheep staid white when they
eat SO much green grass. The country.
man said he did not know, and asked
the city-bred which was the best side to
milk COW. The city-bred, in his turn,
said he did not know, and asked the
lcountryman which side was the best
"The outside, of course" said the coun'
= tryman. City bred had nothing more to
| saw.