The Camden journal. [volume] (Camden, S.C.) 1866-1891, 1872-12-19
OUR CHIP-BAS1ET


TO make hens ay-Cut their heads off.
Was William Penn's pocket handkerchief
the original pen-wiper! .... ..o.,
All Wet is a hundryman in San Francisco.
An Ii is shoemaker. III
So far shirt studs have entirely escaped
the prevailing epidemic. ...
Walter Scott has just been acquitted on a
charge. of numbering Oliver Cromwell in
Michigan.
4 reporter, in depicting wreck at sea.
says that no less than thirteen unfortunatcs
bit the dust ' .-
TO prevent Hoof.A in cattle-Cut their
legs off just above the hoofs.
They tell us of railway in Kentucky
whereon the locomotives are assisted up
steep grade by yoke of oxen. --
Ono of our druggists was quite surprised
the other day to hear a felloW inquire if he
had any Of, "Irs. Soothlow's Winsling
SlyE'p." ,:... ......... .... ........,.,
A Miss Apple tried to commit suicide. at
Mariposa, California, lately.>-She must have
been be-"cider" self.
A Western paper, with peculiar standards
of value, says that potatoes are one cigar and
drink of whiskey per. bushel at Daven-
port.
The darkest scene We ever saw was dar-
key in dark cellar, with an cxtinguished
candle looking for black cat that wasn't
there. '.'.'
Inflated rubber bustles are the latest popu-
lar whim of fashion. 1t takes young husband
with weak lungs half hour to blow his wife
up to a fashionable rotundity.
A negro in Coffee County, who bet two
dollars and scyenty-fve cents that he could
ride roam mule with pine bur under the
saddle, lost the money. He was followed to
the tomb by large and enthusiastic audi
encc.
An Alabama editor mildly alludcs to his
rival asa &resetvoir of fakchood and IN
aqucduct Of mcndacity;" whercupon his
rival rctorts by referring to his cotemparary
as ;'bottomless pit Of infamy and an cartll-
quake of blasphemy."
The city editor of the indianapolis Scnti-
mel speaks of the sprishtly lunatic who pre-.
sides over the city department of the Jour-
nal The Journal retorts By a gentle alu-
sion to the idiotic wanderer temporarily roost-
ing on the local columns Of the Sentinel
"Patent bowels" is what Pennsylvania
contemporary calls paper whose inside
pages are printed to order in New York
The editor considers the expression witty
one and puts it under the head of "1Iumor-
ous," that there may be no mistake. -
A practical chemist. the other day, put a
lighted match into tin can that had con-
tanned nitro -glycerinc, to see if any explosive
matter adhered to the sides. Up to the pres
ent time, no inquest has been held, as moth
inc can be found for the coroner to sit upon.
Polite gentleman-Good morning sir
How do you feel yourself to-day? Deaf gen.
tleman-Very stormy and disagreeable.-
Polite gentleman Slightly astonished,' but
determined to recover lost ground )-Indeed,
how is your wife, sir? Deaf gentleman
Very windy and clustering, indeed.
A Louisville man who had only been ac-
ouanted with his girl two nights, attempted
TO kiss her at the gate. In his dying depo-
sition he told the doctors that just as he
kissed her the earth slid out from under
his feet and his soul went out of his mouth.
| while his head touched the stars" Later
dispatches show that what allied him Was the
| old mans boot.
1t having been reported that gentleman
living IN Lafayette, Ind, was heard pound
| inc his wfe's mother one morning, n CORES
pondent of the indianapolis News came to
the rescue as follows: The fact that
mouse had spent the nightSsn .makinga nest
in Mr.. - S right boot. occasioned all the
stamping the next morning, and gave rise
to the report that he was reconstructing his
muthcr-ln law
Some one is said to be getting up. a mod
crn dictionary, and is said has got so far with
his definitions: Ny D'dr-An expression
used by man and wife at the commencement
Of Il quarrel. Ba,yoin--A lulicrous trans
action in which each party thinks he has
cheated the other. .jay--Twclye prisoners
in box to try one or more 1T the bar.--
Suirs Erilcncc--A wretch who is pardon
cd for being baser than his comrades. Gy,tD
A ugly hole in. the ground which lovers
and poets wish they were i'll, but take un-
common measures to keep out Of.
SCIENTIFIC CLEARNEsS.-.M exchange
has the following " If there is any thing
We like in scientific work, it is clearncss.
When, therefore. We read recently. in me-
deal volume, that ''the thalrmioptical are
the essentials Of the scnstry tracts. as the
corpora staarata are CT the motor We felt
perfectly happy because We perceived at
once, with sterescopic distinctness, precisely
what the author meant. What he meant is
of course that the thalauioptieal are the es
scntials Of the senstry tracts, as the corpors
; starata arc Of the motor The information
ispeciallv gratifying. because We must NIL bc