The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1872-10-22
HOW THE DOCTOR DID 1T.

~ EAhhl bMcuIy years aBo, All Ouo vi
IN the Western States, very near the
limits of civilization, stood a small village
that boasted of several hotels, three or four
stores, blacksmith shop, a lawyers Office,
and DOCTORS residence besides dozen or
so log houses. The physicians Office was
situated at one end of the town; rude log
cabin, with huge broad door, over which
hung rude sign, on which was painted in
large letters, the words: "Dr. Mutton,
Doctor and Physician" Why the sign
had painted on it both "doctor and physi-
cian," was no doubt from the reason that
these words widely differed in their mean
ing to the unsophisticated mind of the
backwoodsman; as in the case of huge
ox-driver, who entered the town one day
and inquired for physician.
The DOCTORS office was pointed out to
him, when turning to the speaker, he said,
with look Of wisdom: "Tarnation with
your doctor; I've taxed heap of doctor
stuff to kill the ager, but nary kill did it
make. / wants real physician, that's
what wants, and none o. your humbug ~
So you see, reader, the sign was really
useful and contained no redundancy to the
mind of our friend the ox-driver.
1t was cold, windy day, and the doc
tors sign went creaking in the wind as it
blew to and fro. The doctor sat in his Of
fee before the fire, his feet elevated above
his head and resting on table, while he
was engaged in devouring the contents of
the weekly newspaper which had reached
the village, and was ravenously read by the
population; for nearly the whole thing
which broke the monotony of the village
was the weekly arrival of the mail carrier,
who brought all the news the inhabitants
ever got, except what they obtained from
an occasional new settler or passing tiav-
eler.
Doctor Mutton read ON in silence, except
for an occasional grumble at the unpleas-
ant weather, when he was suddenly inter
rupted by the unexpected entrance of a
great rawboned Hoosier who carried in his
hand huge ox-whip, while large red
handkerchief was fastened around his jaw !;
his pants were tucked in his boots; and he
wore large overcoat which nearly reached
to the floor.
"Wall, stranger" said the Hoosier,, ''be
you the doctor of this yere place ?'
eyes, sir, / am physician. Is there
anything can do for you 9'' replied Nut
ton.
"You be a physician ?'' No, no, sir; /
wants DOCTOR" angrily said the woods
man.
"Well," said DR.. Mutton with merry
twinkle of his eye, physician and doctor
mean the same thing. They are syno-
nyms."
"They're what ?" exclaimed the Hoosier,
"Synnams, synnams-what's synnams?"
:" synonyms, said the doctor, are
Vrds which have the same meaning, or
nearly the same meaning; thus doctors and
physicians are synonyms for they mean
the same"
"They do, ell? Look here, stranger"
continued the Hoosier, grasping the whip
tighter and shaking it significantly, 81
don't want any of yer foolishness."
"Well, my man." asked the doctor,
whats the matter-any of the folks sick ?''
Waal, no, ooc, not zackly; but I've
got tarnation toothache; feels as if it
were gwine to split my jaw"
"Wants pulling out, said Mutton.
"Don't know but what she does but
doc, can't stand it to have it pulled out.
tell yer--I tell yer, doc, it would kill me !;
the tarnal things been aching for nigh four
weeks. Couldn't stand 1t, doc, to have it
pulled out at once r.
"But," said the doctor, sit would take
but short time to pull the tooth, and the
pain would all be over"
The Hoosier shook his head, and said, as
his face frightened up as a suggestion
crossed his mind, mo, doc, but look q
here-couldn't yer pull it out by---by-"