The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1872-11-22
AFTER 4 HITCH.

In search of my watch. Aug. 81. Hear
ing in New Haven that ':time rolls OF" |
thought perhaps that my watch that was
stolen from me ON the Blocker street cars
mirht have rolled 30 miles from New Ha-
ven and gone to Hartford, 50 / rolled up
to Hartford. and after drinking two mugs
of pork and molasses, | gazed a gaze upon
Hartford. Hartford is bounded on the
north by Hartford, on the south by Hart
ford. on The east by Hartford, and on the
west by Hartford, and Hartford folks think
if it wasn't for a steamboat connecting
Hartford with New York, New FORK
wouldn't amount to a tin cup. Hartford
OWES Baffin's Bay, the Straits of t1ibra!tcr,
the Pacific Ocean, and several smaller
water lots. and she owns the land adjOin-
inc. and holds a first mortgage on the
equator and re nts the fIigid and t0rTid zone
at 50 much zone.
The first man who ever lived in Hartford
was fort the Dutch built in 1888, and the
oldest living iEhabitant. The Dutch as
conded the Quoncktacut river in fat-bot-
tom boats until it get aground and then
they landed at Suckeggs, iindian name.)
Hartford was then Suckeggs, and its citi-
zcus are suckeggs to this day. There is
State House in Hartford and stage road
to MiddIetown. and a colt makes horse pis-
tals there. When the dew is heavy the
river is navigable for sloops of twenty tons
ayoiIdupois weight. The people are spruce
as though they were weaned on one COW ;
spruce beer, and they are more tidy than
the river is.
The river isn't tidy. Society in Hart
ford is elevated, and Il fellow might As well
try to bore a hole through bar OF iron
with an auger made of buttermllk, as TO
Try to get into that society without he has
the stamps on n pedigree long enough to
90 twice around the Rocky Mountains and
lap two yards. If Guy Fawkes and st.
Paul were to visit Hartford, Guy would get
anentrce into society quicker than st. Paul,
provided Guy had ten cents the most. /
do believe that if G. Wa hington was alive
TODAY he couldn't be elected inspector OF
town pumps for Hartford.
Millerism got hold of Hartford % years
aoo and folks used to wrap themselves up
into ten wards of ~bleached muslin, climb
apple trees, and, thinking they were going
to ifiv. stretch out both hands and say, Il
come - and they did come; they came
kerslap to the ground injuring their spinal
columns and getting their nasal organs
bled. 'Tain't So easy swimming in the air
with 10 pounds of flesh and bones for bal
last.
The Legislature meets here every other
year. The members are called ''shad eat
ers'' because they meet when shad are ripe.
meat when shad are ripe too. l don't
like 'em. 4 shad reminds me of boiled
paper of pins. The pink paper is the meat
and the pins are the bones. Fish balls are
selling in Hartford for 1Os. basket
Hartford regrets having to import her cod
fish from New Haven, and the city has
planted a hundred acres of them this sea-
son and hopes to pick them and secure the
crop before the frost sets in, instead of cul-
I tivating grapes. They raise baked beans as
large as watermelons. The buckwheat
/ cake crop is doing finely, and the turkey
, crop for next Thanksgiving is already IN
! full blossom The game laws are off, and
I the sportsInen have been shooting cucum-
bers since the first of the month. | saw n
! natural QfioSit0 today man who lived
! thirty years in a saw mill. lie inhaled 50
much sawdust that when he died and turn
ed to dust he turned to sawdust. lis
! widow ratified him Oft, and now he stands
/ in front of cigar store playing wooden
/ Indian. His widow invested the money
! realized from the rattle prudently and is
! therefore in more comfortable circmstaII-
ces than he is, especially when it "ains.
Hartford is not a watering place. but 1t
! is a whiskeying place. The hens lay scrab-
! l,Ied eggs, and chickens aie so scarce that
/ children are never allowed to have the
ch:ckenpock, and the boys are all named