The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1872-05-03
PLAIN DEALER,

| S"'S
A new Iowa paper is called Tie
Gimlet. 1t evidently intends to bore the
people.
What is the oldest river?-The Ice
is { Isis).
A beau dismissed by belle, and an
arrow dismissed by bow, are apt to
start off in hurry.
Better wear out shoes than streets.
Beauty is potent, but money is omni-
potent.
Bear and forbcar is good philosophy.
Be father in virtue, but father-iu-
law.
Children are uncertain comforts: when
little, they make parents fools; when
great, mad.
Grants recollection is demanded for
the good of Observation-Disclosures.
Gen. Sheridan's object Of shooting
ducks in Wisconsin is to while away
the time until the regular Picgan
shooting commences.
Why should the man who opens oys-
ters and the man who cooks them both
be admitted to holy orders? Because
ones a prayer and the others fri
err.
Protecting American Industry.-The
Beaver Falls cutlery works are to be
run exclusively by coolies from China.
The owners want more protection to
american industry"
Ifyour neighbours hens are trouble
some and steal across the way, don't let
your angry passions rise; fix a place for
'em to lay.
The Sunday-school teacher asked,
"Who gives you your daily bread!" \
little boy answered: "God; but uncle
Peter puts sugar on"
A little girl about the same age,
from the city, had never seen an apple
tree in full bloom. When she saw one,
she lifted up her hands and exclaim ed:
"See Gods big bouquet"
Il say, milkman, you give your COW
too much salt" "Why' how do you
know how much salt give them!'' Il
Judge from the appearance of the milk
you have brought US lately. Salt
makes the COWS dry, and then they
drink too much water-that makes their
milk thin, you know
Bonner, being importuned to "write
an article favoring larger payfor min
listers, said he would write very short
one. He did, and handed it to DR.
McCosh. It was a check for S.
900.
"He's not only tight but water tight
remarked Click of an intoxicated man,
''he won't allow the smallest quantity
of wa ter to trickle into him.
"There is but one good wife in this
town." said a clergyman in the course
Of his sermon-the congregation looked
expectant-''and every man thinks
he's got her." added the minister.
A Boston girl being asked if she had
not once been engaged to "a party by
the name of Jackson" who was at the
time Harvard student, languidly re-
piled, 81 remember the circumstance
perfectly; but am not certain about
the NAME"
Poulterers say that chickens will be
very '.poor' this spring. They attribute
it to the backwardness of the season;
but it is natural that the little birds
should always be poor since, from the
force Of gravitation, their parents
never can lay anything up for
them.
A Connecticut man is engaged in
working up a saw log thirty feet long
into fife for Gilmore's jubilee. 1t
will be bowed by nitro-glycerinc, says
the Norwich Bulletin, and that paper
is authority on all such subjects.
A Boston lady seing among the relig-
ious notices that certain clergyman
would preach I'D. ", "said at once that
she would go and hear him, presuming,
as she did, that the subject Of the dis
course was ODDLY Vardens."
Winnie Ream has bought ten thous-
and dollar house in Washington, and
removed her studio tihther from the
Capitol. An adjournment of Congress
may now be looked for.
A lover consulted lawyer about
carrying off an heiress. "You must not
carry her oil, said the LAWYER. ..but