Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1872-10-29
Cider Iy20SyS.

The Best Weather for Cabmen-Fare
weather.
The difference between October and Novem-
Der is, that while with October leaves fall, with
November fall leaves.
Why is coal the most contradictory article
known to commerce? Because, when pur-
chased, instead Of going to the buyer, 1t goes
to the cellar.
''See Naples and de-" says the proud old
Italian proverb. II didn't quite de- COM
mented a profane American; but l did very
nearly. The smell was awful.
Not much show.-There is boy in st. 10
sephs, Mo-, who wears shoes which are seven
teen and a quarter inches long, and seventeen
inches around the instep. Worms don't have
much show in his neighborhood.
The cheerful horse-fy is said ''to gaily per-
ambulate the spinal column of Tennessee
horses, and the vocalistic mosquito hovers
about their roosts and frightens the lusty fowls,
who mistake them for chicken hawks"
What agonies must that peet have endured
who, writing Of his love, asserted in his man
uscript that he kissed her under the silent
stars and found the compositor had made
him declare that he kicked her under the
cellar stairs.
Al indulgent Kansas parent sold his cook
inc-stove for $ll In order to take his thirteen
children to the circus. He says circus only
comes two or three times year, and, besides,
he never had much to cook on the stove, any
how.
They say that the Wabash River is so low
that the fish are compelled to stand on their
heads 10 get water sufficient to moisten their
gills. The inhabitants walk up and down the
river bed and pull fish as they do onions.
Women require more sleep, it is said, than
men. Biifki0s disputes this, as he says the
last sound he hears of nights is the voice OF
Mrs 3. in her nocturnal lecture, and the first
in the morning is her matutlnal admonltlon.
The story that Philadelphia sportsmen we're
caught firing at New Jersey mosquitoes, mis-
taking them for snipe, is the invention OF an
unscr1Dulous itemizer. The Philadelphians
knew what the insects were, but despalred OF
killing them in any other way.
POPPING the Question love-sick swain
advances with an imploring look, and accost-
ing the idol Of bis heart, he says, Twill you,
my dear, underwally yourself SO as to keep
company with me2" Ii the nymph approves,
the reply is, mo underwalyment at all, sir. -
An exchange says that Dung men in Eng
land are T0rfGitIng tnelr marriage engagements
in consequence Of the high price Of coal. y
They shouldn't stand back on that account -
They ought to know that many mans wife
makes the house hot enough for him without
the use OF pound OF coal.
An old carpenter who had been employed at
Job work by an old lady, was asked why people
of his trade always charged more in proper
ton for collins than they did for chairs and ia
bles. well, you see, ma'am, it's just be-
cause people won't bring collins back to US to
be repaired.
Recipe from an exchange: "Just before
going to bed, eat two pigs feet and cold ap-
pie pie. la less than an hour you will see q
snake larger than a hawser, devouring light
b!ue-hai.ed children which have just escaped
from monster with sorrel eyes and red-hot
over-coat.
A ''devoted' husbands wife and wife's
mother died about the same time. and were
buried side by side; but the tombstone man
botched his job by putting each marble slab
over the wrong woman. 1t is painful to relate
that the devoted" husband was thus led to
shed tears for three months over the grave of
bis mother-in law.
An exchange tells how to catch owls =
When you discover enc on a tree, and find that
it is looking at you, all that you have to do is
to run round the tree, several dimes, when the
OWLS attention will be SO firmly fixed that, for
getting the necessity Of turning its body with
It's head, it will follow your motions until it
wrings It's head off