Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1872-08-02
Babies.

A WRITER in an English magazine dis
courses as follows on familiar and hui
morous subject.
There are great number of babies in
the world. Most of them are, however,
kept out of sight in cradles, hen-coops,
attics and old clothes. baskets. A man
once told me that the reason of this was
because, If they were allowed to crawl
about the streets or parks, no one could
stir out for fear of walking on them, or
tripping over them, in either of which
cases the people so doing would be prose
cuted by our friend Lathbury. 1t was
once proposed by very clever Irishman
to try all the babies found at large by the
treason felony act; but, as all British sub
jects are entitled to be tried by jury of
their peers, and as babies can never be
depended on to keep their oaths, the idea
had to be abandoned. Babies are all
nearly the same size. When they are
very small they are called infants, and fed
on butter and brown sugar and turpen-
tine. Sometimes the turpentine rises to
their head, and they behave in the most
outrageous manner. once saw an infant
who had drank too much turpentine, sit
ting on pillow on the ground and yelling
with all its might at most respectable
looking old lady, who was the infants
grand-aunt, and had lot of money in the
funds. Whenever the grand-aunt pointed
her finger at the infant it yelled louder
than ever, and tried to bite the finger.
The grand-aunt left the house, and settled
all her money on an institution for elder.
| ly unmarried women. The education of ba.
bies is generally in very backward state;
indeed, they do not appear to know much
OF the English language beyond the words
"papa," mama" "me," ego" "by."
Their attempts at French are even worse;
they are continually usiug such low
French as "ajou," day day, ,""baba" and
"by by"
Babies do not differ much in temper,
size, and disposition. They are violent,
about the size of pillow, and covetous
l once saw a baby with corkscrew, a
pair of tongs, hand. bell, and broken
hearth-brush, and nothing could induce
it to part from any of them, although it
had got the corkscrew half way into its
ear and the handle of the hearth-brush
altogether down its throat. When you
come near baby it stretches out its hand
and clutches hold of your necktie. This
is, the mother tells you, mark of high
favor, and sign that the baby desires to
kiss you. When you stoop forward to
kiss the creature it sezes you by the hair,
and everyone but you laughs and says
what a precious baby it is. When you
sit down you are asked to hold the baby.
You take 1t in your arms and place it on
your knee. Immediately it catches hold
of your collar, and tries to stand up on
your best trowsers with its dirty boots.
If you don't allow it, the mother says:
"Oh, do, Mr.. Soandso, let him stand
up; he is quite delighted at having dis
covered that he can stand, and it won't
hurt him" 1t then lays hold of your
shirt studs, and shoots out its finger at
your eye, and drives a hand sticky with
wet sugar into the bosom of your shirt.
Babies, like dogs, are not found wild
in any country. They are always to be
met with in the vicinity of mankind. They
are usually the companions of women. In
savage countries, when the men are oul
hunting tigers with their horses and dogs
the women amuse themselves with feeding
babies and washing scalps and drying
beef in the sun; in civilized countrie;
when the men are out shooting pigeons oI
hunting hares with their dogs, the wo
men look at the babies, and sit down unit
their hair grows down to their feet, put or
tight dresses, and learn the names of theil
children, if they have time after coming
in from seeing their friends. The mos
singular thing about babies is that eacl
one is larger and finer than any one which
has ever been seen before. The frs
thing woman does when she takes baby
in her hands is to hold it at arms length
and says, ooh, dear!" or ooh, my good
ness" or some other powerful words
"What fine little fellow, and only sever
months old, too! Why, Mrs. So.andso'
baby is ten months, and this little fellow
is twice his weight Upon my word. Mrs
So-and-so, l have seen many baby, bu
this is the finest" Mrs. So-and-so smiles
and takes the baby, and shows how it car
very nearly stand when it is held up un
der the arms, and has it's back against tn
leg of a sofa. A man once told me tha
men were descended from babies. Wha
Mr.. Darwin said about monkies was ba(
enough, but this is really carrying matter
too far