The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1872-06-14
sCIssORTNGs.

sCIssORENGs.
New name for sky-air apparent.
Burst of eloquence-An exploded
idea.
Cat-music is done purr-puss-ly.
isn't it?
If thine enemy wrong thee, buy
each of his children a drum.
Should an old acquaintance be for
gotten-Not if they have money.
The first thing that we take in life.
is milk, the last thing is u bier.
The mothers heart gives 4th JOY
at the baby's LIST 9th; and "y' not.
Turkeys and chickens know when
Thanksgiving comss-they get their
dispatches.
Don't be afraid to invest in prin-
ter's ink, lest your sands OF life be
nearly run cut.
"What are you doing there9" said
q grocer, to q fellow who was steal
ing his lard. "Im getting fat" was
the reply.
The editor of an Eastern paper
says that many of his patrons wonld
make good wheel horses, they hold
back so well.
Barnum wants three hundred men
who neither drink nor swear, and
has gone to Washington, Of all the
nlaces in the world.
More than half the evils we endure
are imaginary. So it is with our
pleasures; most of our enjoyment
consists in anticipation.
A young man generally gives q
lock of his hair to his sweetheart be-
fore he marries her. After marriage
she generally helps herself.
A wretched old bachelor saws
CATER all, q woman's heart is the
sweetest thing in the world; it's a
perfect honeycomb-full of SELLS"
A Dutchman put the following
sign on his premises: "Mebbe you
don't peter had lofz rount here ven
you don't got some peesness, a'intit.''
A clergyman said. the other day,
that modern young ladies were not
the daughters of Shem and Ham
but the daughters of Hem and Sham
Editing a newspaper is very much
like raking a fre-every one thinks
he can perform the operation better
than the man who has hold of the
poker.
The Western confectioner who a
few months ago taught his parrot to
say ''pretty creature" to every lady
who entered his store, is now q mill
ionaire.
College students have adopted the
fashions of wearing their hair chang
ed" over their foreheads, which
makes many of them look like escap-
ed convicts.
The Danbury Ners says: "The
composition of a Danbury school boy
seeks to demonstrate that a hen is
not of this world. because the earth
has its sunset and a hen never does.
An unknown man broke through
the ice at Bay City, Mich, several
days ago, and his dog has sat watch
ing the hole in the ice ever since.
He can neither be coaxed or driven
The following knotty question
claiming the attention of one or all
of u debating societies: eff a man
has a tiger by the tail, which would
be the best for his personal safety
to hold on, or to let go?"
A Boston paper expresses the de-
liberate conviction that "a man who
will not do anything himself, nor let
any n else do anything, by way of
public improvement, ought to keep
tavern after everybody else is dead"
As a gentleman was telling his
that a mutual acquaintance
was sent to the Penitentiary forg,oss
.lntoxication. he was asked why he
didn't bail him out. "Bail him outI'
he replied. why you could not pump
him out"
A saloon keeper having started
buriness in a building where trunks
had been made, asked a friend what
ne had better do with the old sign,
Trunk Factory, "Oh," said the
"jIst change the 7 to D, and
it will suit you exactly"
A facetious gentleman of WILL
lamsburg, Mass, dining upon a
fowl in a Boston hotel, asked
land-lady where the fowl came
from. She replied that it came from
Williamsburg. "Impossibler' ex-
the gentleman. ''for the town
hasn't been Incorporated over four
Jones and his wife were always
quarreling about their comparative
talent for keeping a fire. she insis-
ted that just SO surely as he tried to
re-arrange the sticks with the tongs,
he put the fire out. One night the
bells sounded an alarm, and Jones
sprang for his fire bucket, eager to
to the ~confagration. Mr.
Jones" cried his wife, as he reached
the door. "Mr. Jonesltake the tongs."
A Characteristic anecdote is related
Of an out-at-elbow poet who by some
freak of fortune coming into pos
session of a five dollar bill, called to-
> lad and said: Johnny, my boy,
take this William, and get It
changed" "What do you NEAR by
it William" inquired the
wondering lad. "Why, Johnny"
fhe poat SGT am NOT crfrGn