American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1872-03-09
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

fARADONlCAL-lH surgery tile i'th'et ii
always applied in vein.
A PRUDENT man foreseeth the evil, ant
insusures his life-in the Washington.
A DREADFUL story-tcller once asserted
that his voice was still for truth, and so i
was.
SOME one speaking of the red nose o
an Incorporate man, said lit was very
expensive painting"
THE more down business man is, thu
more his customers Will let him stay
there.-,Josh Billings.
IT was probably discarded one who
said ANY fool can make woman talk
but it's hard to make one listen
AsHTABULA, Ohio, has razor which
has been on duty since 1902. 1t ha
shaved three generations of Browns, bu
has begun to wear thin
A GENTLEMAN in the East has senta
$50 note to the wife of every Presbyte
rian Missionary west of the Mississippi
whose address he could obtain.
AN Iowa City man says that, counting
principle and interest, he has paid 81, COO
for tobacco in his life, and he is but tlIir
ty years old
my friend, don't you know it is very
dangerous to take nap while the train
is in motion >" ''Why no." exclaimed
the astonished individual, waking up,
''vhy so ~ Because this train runs
over sleepers."
THE Richfield Springs Mercury says
''In the summer season our citizens prin
cipally subsist on strangers. In the win
ter we are obliged to live on one another.
Oh, for summer that would last the
year round.
THE Utica Observer observes: "When
you see man screw up his phiz in an in
describable sort of way, place his right
hand in the neighborhoOd of the pectoral
muscle on his left arm, and rub tenderly,
you can make up your mind that it is
working. He's been vaccinated."
A BOOTY individual at party Thursday
evening, succeeded in Disgusting his con
dition until the apples were brought
overcame him. "Whatr' he exclaimed
"apples at this seasons Are they ripe 2"
-Dan5ury Ne,cs.
AN exchange says: "Sma1l hatchets
which readily cleave CONCEALED butter
have been introduced at the table of sew
eral fashionable boarding houses. These
little instruments are quite as effective,
and not half so dangerous, as the common
blasting powder in use at some of our
eating-houses."
A JOKING Harvard student recently
called for doctor in great haste, direct
ing the servant where he should go. The
doctor came, but found his services I'M
necessary, and his call hoax. So far it
was all very well, but the servant recog-
niZed the caller, and the next day the doc
tor called on him and asked him whether
he would rather pay twenty dollars or be
arrested He said he thought so, too, and
paid the twenty dollars.
A DIVER who recently descended into
the Shetucket River, ct Norwich, Conn,
states that beneath the Laurel Hill Bridge
he fell unexpectedly into a assure between
the rocks of the bottom, nearly twenty
feet deep. Here he was assailed by a
large animal, half serpent and half fish,
which snapped viciously at the eye-plates
of his helmet, and though repeatedly
struck with an iron bar, was with difficulty
driven away.
THE gentlemen connected with the
Liverpool press were lately made the vic
Tins of a cheap hoax An advertisement
appeared in the local papers announcing
a lecture in the Concert Hall on a subject
of great interest. The name of the chair
man was given, and cards of invitation
were sent to the different newspaper
offices in Liverpool. The reporters and
the chairman were the only gentleman
present and the latter, having waited
for some time, stated that he was afraid a
hoax had been perpetrated. as the subject
TO be lectured upon was 1.-The Reclama-
ton of the Desert of Sahara"
APRoPos of the Pope's witticisms,
should be mentioned his mode of con-
ferring an honor on Florentine Monk
The said monk received letter from
Rome, appointing him to a bishoprick
Ierr1hed by the prospect, the monk pite-
ously pleaded for exemption, alleging,
among other excuses, his want of memo
~. But the Pontiff replied, that as he
did not want to make him Il professor of
mnemonics, the only inconvenience he
would suffer from the defect named would
be that he could not. after death, be de-
scrIbed as OF happy memory. '-E'nglih
Independent
A CUNNING trick, as successful as novel,
was recently played in Charleston by
couple of sailors on their captain. See
ing that they would not be at hand when
his vessel was ready to sail, the captain
on some pretext had them locked up in
Jail; but the disguised tars barred the
door inside so that it could not be opened
when the ship was ready to depart. The
was she had to go without
Them When they had got so pressed by
hunger that they could not endure it any
longer, they unbarred the door and were
released, as they could not be held any
longer.
THE Paris Gdulois relates story which
will probably be read with greater sur
prise in England than it has been in Paris. |
II states that during the worst period of
the illness of the Prince of Wales, some |
and medical men proposed to |
an insurance Office to effect policy upon |
the life of the Prince, and the transaction |
was arranged. The premium amounted |
10 over $20, 900, but the amount PAYABLE |
in fatal event would have reached mill |
ons. "Who knows?" adds the Gaulois.
perhaps all the English have done the /
same. That would explain their anxiety
'or news respecting the Princes condi- /
ion"
A PEORIA, ILL.,, paper says: GA happy
Ioung bridal party went down on the p,
!. d j. Railroad, this morning. The
FLUSHING young bride thrust her head out
II the car-window as the train started off,
md, after looking around for moment
II two, suddenly jerked her head back,
With quick exclamation, and buried
Ter face in her hands Her loving,
frightened husband sought to learn the
ause of her dismay, and offered feeble
onsolation: What was it, darlinge What
frightened it, dear, Tell its own hubby,
What makes it cry?' There wasn't much
o cry about, to be sure; oh, mol Darling
ad only dropped a set of glittering front
eeth out of the window, that was all.
he sad affair has cast gloom over the
ntire community"
The Thieves and Their Plumber.
SENATOR MoRTON's favorite declaration
nat I'VE have the best civil service in the