The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1872-05-09
A FEW OBSERVATIONS ON BUT
MONS


After long and varied experience we
have arrived at the conclusion that our
whole 81 stem Of buttons is failure and
a fraud, delusion and a snare. That
ages Of running-strings, hooks and eyes,
silver skewers and loops should have
eliminated IN the present faithless and
vexatious invention is more than we can
comprehend. How noble is the mission
Of tie Roman hand which with one
graceful sweep draped the form of its
owner, when compared with that of the
hapless Norwegian emigrant, who spends
no uncomfortable portion of his life in
endeavoling to imrNure himself in short
blue jacket and waistcoat, with thee or
four dozen brass temptations to sin run
ming down their front, and packed as
closely together as vertebr@ in the spl
nal column. The cases are in point. In
the one, your coat, and what might an
Swer as your breeches on pinch, invest
you as ii by magic; while IN the other,
the whole edge is taken off your prayers
you are SO long and bitterly engaged
with your fingers among worthless shanks
and their wornout button holes or appar
emily playing on your stomach as it it
were a concertina.
The faithessness that exists between
even the trustiest button and frail but
ton hole, or 01c8 0er80, has been acknowl-
edged for ages. And So of button holes
themselves. They are as treacherous as
the Indian, and deceive you at the very
period of your greatest reliance upon
them, anG, like their perfdious allies in
brass, mother Of pearl or gutta percha,
= L. rNT
your direst necessity.
That buttons and button holes have 8
certain perception Of some of our weak
est points and glory in assailing them
there can be but little doubt. When we
have but just fifteen minutes to dress fer
dinner, for the opera, or for an evening
party, they usually commence operations,
and in the course of few seconds destroy
nQt-only our own equaDimity, but that Of
our whole household, should we happen
to be Benedct< On such occasions our
Wristbands, cuffs and collars are sure to
be elccted as the special departments for
their depredations; and fortunate must
the man be indeed who does not suffer in
some OF them. The neck, which is tick
Iish spot especially among the Irish, is
the constant butt of their malice. The
man does not live who has not, at some
period or other, turned from his looking
glass, with eyes afame and shirt-button
between his fingers, that had just quietly
dropped on his dressing table of his
neck band, rendering his topped bow and
Dauntless collar of 10 avail for the time
being and that, too, while his impatient
lady love was anXi0usly awaiting him to
join her IN her morning walk. And Yet,
with all this tef dency t9 mischief, We
have never known a button or button
hole 10 give way in the case Of any per
son who was getting ready to 60 and
hear o charity sermon or to meet poor
relation who had been shown into the
back paTlOr down stairs. At such peri
DDS they appear to evince vicious and
irritable solicltude for cur moral apd
spiritual welfare which we do not accept
in compensation for any Of their previous
failhlessness. Tough as buckskin on the
one hand, yielding as adamaGt on the
other, they now approach each other in q
spirit Of trlendline8s that even the rud-
est manipulation fails to disturb, while
the few threads Of cotton, that on other
occasions would have given away before
our slightest touch, nov appear 10 pos
sess the strength of Whipc0rd, and to Sc
cure both ia manner which sets at def
ance even the most able analysis.
insignificant az the cause may appear
whole families have been agitated, and
sometimes upset, through the nischievous
fundamentally OF 81 simple shirt button
or button hole. A difficulty in relation
to our trowsers, coat or vest may be Cbvi
ated temporarily, or thrust out of sight
Tor the moment; but what resource have
we In case Of the sudden fall Of the neck
button OF our shirt when we have scarce
time to reach the train? What man in
existence hes ever embraced his wife
with truant shirt button between his
finger and thumb, or blown kisses at her
through q broken button mole?
But where are we Ia look for remedy?
A running string round the neck, in these
modern days, might be too suggestive in
many cases TO be ComfOrta BILE and skew
ers wculd be dangerous among quarrel
some galIants. Loops soon get shabby,
and, however faithful an eye may be,
hook is apt to straighten itself out like
dying hedgehog. We must evidently,
then, look for succor to the inventig re ge-
MUS Of the age: and we should, therefore,
call upon men Of originality and science
to turn their attention TO this important
subject and help US out Of our dilemma,
although they may at the present mo
mcn5 have "a soul above buttons"
KEEPING TIN WARE BRIGHT.-Tt ia q