The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1872-05-29


self to the attempt Of wearing a boot or
shoe about two sizes too small for his
feet, giving to himself, forsooth, as q
reason. that weakness, common to hu-
manity. leads him to reduce the size Of
feet which nature has made so very large
that ''truly he is ashamed of them" Let
him who has suffered a nhartyrdem to
this absurd and foolish pride say whe-
ther the small qualification to his feel
ings has balanced the hours and days of
misery spent in hobbling about, wishing
a thousand timesin his heart that 'some-
body had kicked him before he made
such fool of himself" yet the chances
are ten to one that he will do the same
taing again when occasion offers.
A victim to this in6rmity for the
ninety-ninth time has finally determined
to swear off forever, and ape the man
ners of sensible men, but desires to de-
liver o parting wall which he dares to
hope may prove warning to many to
''hee from the wrath to come" :'Of
course it isn't my fault If my feet are
big, and I suppose I ought to be philo-
sophical and accept as dispeneation
what nature has overdone for me, but
when will men lenrn to be philosophers
nnless they can be 30 without any sacri-
fee on their part? Number niue is about
my size. and with brogan of such di-
mensions might get along quite COM
fortably, but how I would look going
about town with such immense projec-
tions tackled on to the ends of my legs,
for I couldn't we'll get rid of the idea
that I would be marked individual
wherever I might go, and even if I
couldn't hear the remarks ''look at them
feet" would at least imagine that they
were being made, and therefore the con-
sequences would be all the same. I
can never expect to find much favor with
| truth of which I can testify through
bitter experience, full of mortiications.
/ we'll remember once that at q party up
town I was having charming feted-tete
with girl on whom was sweet, when
a gent, in walking past, stumbled over
my feet, end, aching from the pain in
dicted on my biggest corn. exclaimed,
Cant you have carer" "Well." said
he, "this room is q small one, and them
feet don't leave fellow much space"
OF course everybody laughed, and felt
SO mean that left as soon as could.
having ever since been ashamed to look
| at the girl who seemed SO delighted at
my humiliation.
Some evil-minded chaps tell villainous
story about having experimental with
one of my shoes. by dropping it from o
third-story window to the banquette. Ii
is said that the article in question went
crushing through the earth, leaving
hole OF bottomless depth. and suggest
ing the propriety of making OF the
cavity an artesian we'll. Spurred by
such recollections, I determined, come
what would, that I would get 'them"
number nine feet into number eight
shoes. and accordingly I purchased o
pair Of the latter size, and, despite the
warnings aud protestations Of Orispin.
insisted on wearing them and mono
others, ''if they killed me-"
Alas! could have foreseen the days
OF anguish and suffering in atore for me.
would have paused ere I took step,
the mere recollection OF the conne-
quenoes of which even now make me
turn pale.
My first days experience closed ON
mournful record of mental anathe,nas
against everybody and everything.
slightly mingled with heroic determine
tions to stand it for few days. until
the darn things got 'broke in." The
morning Of the second day was beauty;
but its loveliness was lost on me. az,
with many q swear and tear, I finally got
into those shoes, and thereafter limped
aud hoped all over town, torn by physi.
cal throes, compared to which, in my
fevered Imagination, a lifetime on the
rack would be bliss. On the third day
matters grew worse. and it seemed that
the confonnded shoes were constantly
growing smaller, while at the same rate
my feet were growing larger, until
nerved to pitch of desperation, re-
solved to tear from the misery to which
had condemned myself, needless of all
consequences to pride or anything else,
thinking of nothing but of q way to
escape the horrors of tight shoes.
The fourth day saw ME happy man,
as in q spirit of calm resignation grab
bed those ill-fated shoes and gave them
away to an incipient darkey, remarking
to him incidentally, "They have caused
me many an unhappy hour; may you
never know such misery" and as ga2ed
into the depths of his soul, knew in
| that moment that wac free.