Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-02-05
KENTUCKY JOKES.

1t was during the Presidential cam
paign which resulted in the election
of Buchanan, that the writer of the
appended sketch, in company with
three other politicians, rode from
Paducah to Boston, KY, in a hack.
They were bound for one of the old
fashioned barbecues, and he tells what
happened on the way thus:
The joking Judge M. was one of
the party, and the bottles that peeped
out from the basket under the seat
seemed to improve the sparkle of his
wit, the flavor of his jokes, and the
music of his laugh, until the happy
contagion even reached the driver.
Our fun was at its highest when,
turning a curve in the road, we saw,
down its hot, dusty stretch, a solitary
OK cart, with its owner perched upon
what proved to be bags of corn. AS
kind of advance guard, a great ug-
ly, brindle dog came trotting along in
advance, and attracted by our noise,
he threw himself in an attitude of de-
fense, determined to dispute our ad-
vance. With his savage growl, red
eyes and erect bristles, he indeed, pre-
sented formidable appearance. Judge
NJ. could not let such an opportunity
for practical joke pass. Said he:
"Fll bet the drinks for the day that
[ can run that dog off the road.
"Done," said we.
Stopping our hack, he got out, and
threw the skirts of his ''swallow-tailed"
coat over his shoulders, stuck his old
slouch hat on the back of his head,
and going down on "all fours," he
scampered towards the dog with the
most frightful yells, reminding one of
the fable of the ass in the lions skin.
This was too much for the dog and
bowling with fright, he took to the
brush The oxen also saw the fear
ful monster coming down the road,
and with one wild below they took
to the brush, with their tails standing
straight out behind. Away they went,
with wheels bouncing in the air, bags
of corn bursting open, and spilling
their contents in a continuous drill.
"Whoa, Blaze. Whoa, Ball. o, Lor-
dy! what shall | do?" came from the
frightened man on the cart, rs he was
bounding from side to side, now grab
bing cart-pole, then catching at a
bag of corn as it went over the side.
This kind of performance couldn't
last long without change for better
or worse, as the oxen went tearing
down the steep bank of a little creek
and overturning everything in the wa
ter, about waist deep. One OK, get
ting loose, went up the opposite bank
and soon disappeared,while the other
covered down, piteously believing as
we came up to the scene of disaster.
There stood the poor man in water to
his waist, his wagon overturned, and
half his corn soaking in the water,
while the other half was scattered in
the woods. He looked scared and
pitiful, and said:
80, Lordy, stranger, don't never do
that ar any more. I'm ruinedr'
1t was splendid success, that joke,
and there stood the Judge holding on
to sapling and laughing till the tears
ran down his cheeks.
We took up subscription for the
poor fellow. The Judge headed the
list with an amount nearly covering
the damages, and we added to 1t un-
til we left the man in thankfulness
that he had sold his corn so well. At
the barbecue, the Judge bet all his
money on little horse-race, and lost,
and from that, and the effects of his
drinks at our expense, we had to car
ry him back on a barn-door. On his
way home he insisted upon standing
on his head
Which was the ruined man ?-IOle-
do Blade.