The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1872-02-07
My Wife'S Bridal Tour.

OFT on II bridal tour. told her
that she'd better wait six months
or II year, and I'd try to 20 with
! her, and she snid shod rather go
alonc-~whcn Il woman was travel
ing man was an out.and-out
hnmbug.
So gave her sevcnty-fvc cents.
and told her t" go AID have IL good
time never bcg' udgo monoy
when my wifo's harpIacss is con
ccrncd. My first wito mover could
complain Of not going anywhere,
for am dreadful fierce to 20 off
on a good time myself, and always
was. ! don't pretend to SAY how
many times ! took hor out to sec
the sights, and there WAS no cnd
to the free lectures | let her go 10.
The nciyhbors used to say "lt
beats all how tho Skinncrs do
go"
When signor Blitz wasin Skunk
vile with his wonderful canarics,
he gave my wife complimentary
ticket. | not only sold that tick
ct for my wife, but gave he: half
the money. l don't boast Of it,
but | only mention it to show
how much thought Of her happi-
ness.
| don't think any man ought to
get married until he can consider
his wifc's happiness only second
TO his own. John Wise, Il ncigh-
Dor Of mine, did thusIy. and when
l got married | concluded to do
| likewise.
But the plan didn'! work in tho
case of my second wife. No~-I
should say not. | broachcd the
subject kindly.
"Malilda." said l, 81 suppose you
arc aware that ! am now your lord
and master p
Not much you amt" said she.
"Mrs Skinner" said |, "you arc
teariuIIy disorganizcd. You arc
cranky" And 1 brnndishcd my
new sixty cont umbrella wildly
around her.
She took the umbrella away
from me, and locked nc up in the
clothes press.
| am quick to draw an Inference,
and the inference that l drew here
was that | VAS not u SUCCESS as u
rcorganiZcr Of female women.
After this | changed my tuctics.
| let hor huvo her own way, and
tho plan from tho very first work
| ed to Il charm. It's tho best way
Of managing wife that | know
Of.
Of course, this is bctwcon you
and me. It's n secret worth
knowing.
So when my wife said sno WAS
bound to go on bridal tour any
how, l cordially asscntcd.
"Go, Matildu," suid "and stay
rs long Us you want to then if
yon lcoI as though yon would like
TO stay little longer, Stay my
DEAR"
She told me to stop talking, and
80 up stairs and get her red fan-
mel night cap and that bag Of
pcnnyroyAl for her Aunt Abigail.
Ny wife is a very smart woman.
She WAS Il Baxter, and the Bax
ters arc Il smart family, indeed.
ilcr mother. who is going on
eighty can fry more sIapjacks
now than half Of these primp up
town girls, who rattle on the piano,
or walk the streets with their fur
bellows and iixings, pretending to
got mad il young chap Looks at
them pretty hard, but getting mad
in earnest if you take no notice OF
thcm at all.
All! girls amt what they used
to be when | was young. and the
fellows are worse still. Wh,n |
went courling, for Instance, ncv-
or thought Of staying Till after ten
o'clock, and only went twice II
week. Now they go seven nights
in the week, and cry because there
amt eight ; then thoy write touch
ing notes TO each other through the
day-"Dcnr George 60 you love
mo as much as you did ut quar-
ter to II last night? Say you do
dcArcst, and it will give 100 cDnr.
ago TO 80 down and tackle them
cold beans loft over from yestcr.
day"
Well, we'll, suppose they enjoy
themselves and it ainl for us old
folks, whose hearts have got Il
little calloascd by long wear, to
interfere. l.ct them get together
ard court if lhey liko it-and !
think they do. | was forty-scvcn
when | conrlrd my present wife
but it seemed just ~ nice TO sit on
II littlo cricket at her feet, and let
her smooth my hair, us it did
thirty years ago.
AS | said before, my wife was Il
smart woman, but she couldn't be
anything else and he Baxter
Shc used to give lectures on wo.
mans rights, and in one place
where she lcctnred big college
conferred the title l.. l.. ID. upon
her. But she wouldn't take it,
"No, gcntlcmcn,' said she, "givc
/ it, tn thr rnorn Shn ,v.s .,l,v,Xs