Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1872-09-14
Model Greeley Resolutions.
From the Knoxville Chronicle.

1
Written expressly for the Greclcyitc,
IN Scott county, by Shonbirg: but moi
being copyrighted, no one will be prose
cnt"d for using outside of Scott and
claiming them AS original. IN short
stealing is permitted aud expected.
WHEREAS, The millennium, has dawncd
and the wolf is lying down with the
lamb, and the lion is eating straw like an
OK, aud the aboltionists and secession
lists march under the same hly. and the
radicals and rebels walk arm in arm. and
irce-traders and protcctionisis are check
by jUwl, and the Irish and the Negroes
eat out OF the same dish, and Horace Gree.
ley and JEFF. Davis sleep in the same bed.
aud the sucking child is playing on the
hole of the asp, aud women vote aud ride
straddle, and every thing is lovely and
the goose hangs high; therefore
ResOLced, /. That inasmuch rs the
time has come for men TO eat dirt and
turn summersaults, and no man thinks
what he says, OF believes what he thinks.
we unanimously recognize the absolute
equality of men, including negroes, WON
en- and Chinese; that we believe mules
ears are as short as horses, and that the
leopard Gun change his spots. and that
the Negro is man and brother; and hav-
ing always favored lis admission to the
ballot box, we now welcome him to the
social circle, having something of an idea
that all the world was born of monkey.
that things are not what they used to be.
and that there is great deal of upside.
downed-ness, and bewildering mixed
up-aclive-ness geuerally.
ResOLoed, 2. That being in great
doubt whether the rebellion tailed ur sue
ceeded, and not being certain whether
Grant or Lee surrendered at Appomat-
tox, and being of the opinion that the
South was either right or wrong, and
the North was either wrong or right, amd
that neither was either to hurt, we are
unanimously in favor Of letting bygones
be bygones, of burying the stars aud
stripes in the same grave with the stars
and bars, of mixing three parts of "Dix-
lie " with two parts of Yankee Doodle"
and Of marrying the Union eagle to the
rebel buzzard.
ResOtced, 3. That being liberal par
ty, we favor llberalty in all things, III
politics and III religion, in virtue aud in
temperance, giving perfect freedom to
all, freedom To men, and freedom to wunI-
en-, criticising no ones opinions and no
ones aclious pardoning an occasional
clean shirt and washed face; neither
averrlng that there is heaven nor vet
denying there is a hell; holding the Al
mighty in proper retpect. at the same
time not forgetting G, old friend Satan;
believing that nothing is up or down,
but that everything is standing or side
ways, and in all things holding very fast
with one hand, but not altogether letting
90 with the other.
ResolOed, 4. That the Constitution AS
it is, is better than the Constitution as it
was; that the Bible is all very well in
its place, but the Book of Mormon is
newer, and the writings of CONTIGUOUS
older, and every man is master of his
own conscience and conduct, and has Il
right to make god to suit himself
that free whiSkey and universal ignor-
ance, coupled with free love and uniyer-
sal salvation, make earth IA paradise, and
heaven certainty; but that, neverrhe-
less all things are turned round, AMI the
ti"N7 ''S O"I VI ,I''hlS ''Si SlId9GlIl
road is crooked, the earth turns back.
wards on its axis, men waltz Zigzag, and
their brains are top>y turvy, the world is
all bewilched, and II woman is the com
ing man.
ReSOtced, 5-That inasmuch as Judas
IscaIiot, though once wicked man, af
trrward became an Apostle, and iuas-
much as Benedict Arnold shed blood in
defence of American liberty, ami inas-
much as jeff. Davis was nominated, we
are heartily in favor of Horace Greeley,
believing as we do that Democracy Is
not dead but sleepcth, and that AL roads
from Greeley 90 TO Grant that Greeley
was an original aboli,ionisI and an abo-
riginal secessionist /; that the Addition
lists and the secessionlsts always worked
TO the same end, and their present com
bination is only a renewal of past coop
Grafton, and wonderful will it be in
the eyes of all men when the arch enemy
of the Ku-KluX becomes their chief cap.
tam when the prince OF protection be-
comes the king of free trade; when the
champion temperance man bears the
banner of the bar room business, and
Satan leads the hosts of heaven, then
truly shall Tie last be first, for great is
the mystery Of Greeleyness.