Connecticut western news., 1872-02-16
THE TWO TROMBONES.

THE TWO TROMBONES. .-..-
 MT. Whif1es-the respected parent O our hero, Mir. Adolphus Whiff1es-was ar opulent Berkshire farmer, who, be.ore re turing from his business and leaving it tt hls son, fancled that visit to the Dreat metropolis would have the effect of sharp. ening the wits of that amiable youth, ar operation of which that young gentleman stood greatly in need. The son jumped al the idea, especially when he learned that he was to set out on his travels alone With the parental blessing and his purse well filled, Mir. Whifles, junior, duly ar rived in London and installed himself in economical quarters in Savoy street, Strand.
 The theatres, of course, occupied large share of Mir. Whiff1es' attention during his stay in London, and the neighborhood Of stage-doors afforded him a vast amount of satisfaction. The sight of sprofes- sionals in their everyday costume was to him the source of great qualification, and his delight when he made the acouaint- ance of prominent member of the or chestra of the Royal Dash Theatre ex- ceeded all bounds. He vowed eternal friendshipsfor him on the spot, and there and then ratified the agreement by enter tanning his new acquaintance at a recherche supper at the Albion. Our story opens when MT. W hiffles and his friend-O'L by name-had been almost inseparables tor the space of six weeks. With pain Mr. w hifies had lately observed an ex- pression of settled melancholy on MT. OLeary's expressive countenance, and had resolutely determined to divine the cause.
 You are i'll ?" said our hero one eye- ming, after they had supped at the hos telry above mentioned, and were quaffing various "whiskeys hot" to promote di- gestion.
 Mir. O'Leary sighed, shook his head sadly, and emptied his glass by way of reply;
 '"Your supper has disagreed with you yeu have eaten too much," continued Mir. Whiff1cs, tenderly.
 1t isn't the supper that worries me-" observed his companion; "it's the substi- tute.''
 This mysterious answer puzzled MT. Whifdes. He thought it over seriously. then gave it upin despair, and demanded an explanation. Mir. O'Leary vigorously pnffed at his cigar, and then proceeded to eniighten Mir. Waif1es.. EF .T
 It appeared from Mir. O'Leary's account that it was customary in the Royal Dash Theatre for tho management to allow va rious members of the orchestra to absent themselves from time to time from their posts Tn order to attend concerts or other entertainments, on the condition that they provided efficient substitutes to fulfil tbeir ordinary duties. As rule, these substi- tutes were rot hard to find; but Mir. O'Leary confessed, with tears in his eyes, that although he had searched high and low, for some unaccountable reason he could find no one able or willing to supply his place at the theatre while he was absent to fulfil a most profitable en- gagement he had accepted to play at a fashionable West End concert the ensuing evening. Without moments hesitation Mir. Whitties threw himself into the breach and profered his services.
 "Stuf!" replied Mir. O'Leary, "what do yoU know about music?n
 MT. Whiffles couldn't tell. He was quite certain about what he didn't know. 2 but that he refrained from mentioning. There was 3 painful pause Mir. O'Leary smoked silently on for some time, now and then darting a searching glance upon the anxious face of MT. Whif1es, as if he were revolving some great scheme in the mnermost recesscs of his own mind, but as yet scarcely saw the manner in which It could be carried out. Suddenly-'sI have it. Thanks, Whif1es, my boy. 1 accept your generous cffer. You shall be my substitute" said Mir. O'Leary.
 {bok would but feebIy express the state of his mind. He grasped Mir. O'Leary's hand and shook it fervently. He trembled aI- ready with excitement. His proudest hopes were about to be realized. He would be admitted behind the scenes of a theatre. Words failed to convey any idea Of bis feelings, as he lent willing ear to Mir. O'Leary, who proceeded to give him the necessary instructions.
 In the first place, MT. O'Leary pointed out that there were two trombone-players in the orchestra of the Royal Dash Thea tre, he himself being one, and that for the especial guidance of Mir. Whifles, he would summarily state the case as fol lows, promising that after the rise of the curtain on the first piece, performance upon the two trombones heralded the ap- proach ot the villain of the piece.
 Further, his (OLeary'so experience in- duced him to believe that in a crowded assembly one trombone would probably make as much noise as two; and that all MT. Whiffles had to do, after announcing himself as MT. O'Leary's substitute. would be to take his seat ieisurely in the orchestra: and, when the curtain rose. carefully watch the proceedings of the other trombone player, and initiate his every movement; so that, in reality. one trombone would make all tho noise. al- though, apparently, two were being played. Lastly, he advised Mir. Whifles % be careful what he was about, as the leader was -!
 Soon afterwards the friends left the Albion and proceeded on their several ways-Whifles already more than half pepenting his rashness in embarkinp in the undertaking
 The sombrs shades of twilight were enwrapping, as with shroud, the streets of London, when, carrying Mir. O'Leary's pombone in his hand, MT. Whifaes might have been observed woefully picking his Tay through the purlieus of Drury Lane, endeavortng to find the stage entrance of the Royal Dash Theatre. Two or three