The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1872-06-15
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

A pickle factory At Nunda will employ one
hundred girls-Er.
If anything will make the pickles tart, it will
be the "one hundred girls" and the boss OF that
factory will be in greater state of pickle than
any man in the country.
The other day while David Dick was hewing
wood his instrument glanced and nearly cut his
boot of. Dr. Wilcox, of Utica, is the surgeon
in charge.-1Ndrseatles Advertiser.
That's the first time we ever heard d shoe
maker called doctor, though it is all fair
enough, as he is a professor OF the heclf@g art.
On the other hand, his functions would also
seem to be clerical, as he attends to solts.
A Mr.. Fyfe has taken charge OF the printing
department of the Polo Press, and there will be
no more "ifeing around in that establishment.
except such as he will have u hand in.-Diroa
Telegraph and Herald
In other words, Mr. Fyfe intends to do his own
horn blowing.
Charles James Lever, the Irish violinist died
at Trieste on the I'd Unsatisfactory independent.
1t is universally conceded that Lever was
thorough master of sweet strains, and could
even pull the long bow with credit to himself
and to the delight of his hearers, but it is the
first time he has ever been announced as
fiddler.
This is the way western paper goes On about
D.
She wore D1lly Warden, the night when first
We met; her chip hat, like a garden, with DO.
sizes gay was set. humping big blonde water.
fall, when next We met she wore her skirts
spread out from wall to wall, and busted off the
floor.
Our friend Quiz says he has two vehicles-one
in the barn, and HE wifes little sulky.-Er.
The latter accounts for the fact that Quiz him
self is frequently persmbulator.
Candidates for the sheriffalty are as thick as
"leaves in Vallambrosa" at present.-FIanhlm
Reporter
Said candidates should remember that in the
sutumn "leaves have their time to fall" &c.
Fanny FERNS new book. entitled "Caper
Sauce" will be issued in few days.-Er.
There is no authoress in the world who can
descant upon that topic better than Fanny Fern,
for no other has cut up as many capers or is
gifted with more sauce.
Tennysons "Chnrge of the Light Brigade" has
been translated into Welsh. and the opening
part reads as follows: "Bhuthrwch ymlean
ddewrion gaAol b cynwr Oil l ddryn angau
Marchgal'r chwe' channwr.'
That's just what's the matter. The force of
language could no further go.
A lucky editor in Logan county picked up the
following the other day, and advertises for the
owner:
DEAR JANE Il hope you amt mad because
didn't lstf at you whan you lsfft at me last eve.
min at tie post offs amt prowd, dear Jane,
but I've got bile under my arm, and I can't
laff as I used to, "a heaven is my Judge.
Yours truly, HENRY.
In anticipation OF the unusual demand during
the Conference of the Eldership of the Church
of God, in our city, chickens have taken sud.
den ,i-o in tho market.-Ca1ToN County Mirror.
Just so. An elder, as we'll as justice, needs
his stomach to be well lined, but the rise in tie
MAJ at" was rather worldly corner" on the
church
Mr.. Brace, of Farmingtcu, Illinois. has invent.
ed and is about patenting machine to drive
hens GU. of ga, ten.-Er
If NJ. Brace could only be induced to turn
his inventive genius to the successful completion
Of machinery to keep cats from caterwauling on
the roof, or yelping ours from making midnight
hideous, he will be fairly entitled TO brace of
inn Il Hties--in this world and the next
NJ Gatilda Jones, elderly female, mas
appeared in an English police court and pleaded
that she 'ohemicalized from a sewer" not
drunk. Five shilings and costs.-El.
Our umbrella was borrowed a fow days since
and contrary to the usual custom it was re.
turned, while it was raining. We have
come to the conclusion that the honest men are
not all dead,and that thetotal depravi.y doctrine
is chimercal; our honest friend has our sincere
thanks.-Er.
We are pleased some people have cause to
think the world is being regenerated. Our UNI.
brela has not returned for some weeks and our
belief in the "total depravity doctrine" has be.
come deeply seated. Will the man who jor.
ro5red our umbrella ohristianize us by return
ing it.
The Chattield MINI. Hemocrot copies our no.
tice Of the revolver at EOersols and says:
1t seems as though it would be on honor to be
shot with this pistol, providing vital spot was
avoided. This beautiful article, however, is
not intended for dangerous purposes, but as n
cabinet ornament only, unless the owAers potato
patch should be invaded with bugs or his wood.
she'd be made a concert room for ueighbors cats.
List Of Patents
The following patents were issued from the