The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1872-07-13
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Pratt. of the Waukesha PlaiHd,alT, has been
elected street commissioner. A contemporary thinks
II q regular ''come down" from editor to street
cleaner, Yet nobody can read Pratts paper but
must appreciate his eminent adaptation to the
duties of scarenger.
A Chicago paper received a letter from lady
which read as follows: 81 as..
"Why Is it that that dear Lord Byron, who
used to write such beautiful, JeautIw poetry,
keeps SO quiet lately y
An ex.proof reader of the New York 11Ju0e
thinks if Horace Greeley had written the in.
scription on the wall in Babylon Daniel would
have found his match and Belshazzer would
have been good deal more scared than he was.
"a Here is short lecture on failing with which
ID is said Gran: is afflicted, and which he might
prcftably take to heart
An obstinate mule at Lockport, Ind, refusing
to be snod, was fastened on his back by log
ohain with his feet in the air. and iron.plated in
that way. When the process was concluded life
had departed from that noble frame.
Edmund Price, the pugilist, who pounded Go.
burn and Australian Kelly into a jelly not
many years ago, has settled down to q steady,
respectable life, and his sign on prominent
street in New York, reads, Edmund E. Price,
counselor at law"
There is ring of true grit in the following,
from the Ksnkakee Adcocate. The lady deserves
place in the Woodruff Douglas cabinet:
An old maid, up town, being asked why che
had never married, replied thar she had never
yet seen the man for whom che was willing to
get up three meals day for 40 years.
Grant and his party, when they visited the
Jubilee at Boston, got so dry that they are said
to have advised Gilmore, at his next Jubilee, to
bring over Mt. Vesuvius so as to give them
drop of the crater
Here is cheerful announcement from the
Fort Wayne Ind.) Sentinel:
"a coffin room has been established on Wayne
street. in the rear of the Sohti'lel building. Any
one feeling like attacking the editor will save
his relatives trouble by coming around that way
and selecting his box"
They have a rather singular railroad in East
Tennessee. a newspaper at Jonesboro speaks of
that place as its "termini." 1t is not one time
in athousand that you find railroad with both
ends sticking into the same town.
Here is a case of thrift that would have de.
lighted old Ben Franklin
There was little maid,
When the neighbors hens had laid
Their eggs in her fathers garden,
She used to sell them, SO
She bought some calico
And made herself bowling Dolly Warden.
Mrs. Milford has nothing equal to the follow.
ing in her book about Pleasant Neighbors :"
Somebody at Albany selected another mans
yard as a suitable place for dead cat. The
man thought his next neighbor was responsible,
and the consequence is that Grimalkin travels
across the fence about seven times day.
Christ's Hospital. London. has been sold for a
railroad depot, bringing $3,O00,O0O.
Did the owner get the money?
Sellers, the Grant postmaster at Pekin, Illi-
nols, and publisher of the Pekin Republican,
after some hesitation, hoists the Grant and Will
son flag, saying, I" 1t is our only hope" Very
likely, and poor hope at that, for retaining his
Office,
The Milwaukee Sentinel quotes the following
"noble utterance" of President Grant:
"The true prosperity and greatness of nation
is to be found in the education and elevation of
its laborers.'
Which shows how tenacously Grant must
have remembered his youthful spelling book
lessons, for on page SO of the National Fourth
Reader the same words are quoted and credited
to Burke
The City Council Of Clinton, ILL.,, says the
Register, " has appropriated 81 towards procur.
ing instruments for a brass band :" and then adds
that climb of the law proposes to enjoin the
payment of it; which is certainly not surprls.
ing, in view of the extravaganza of the appro.
priation. Had it been 5 or 10 cents, now,
the tax ridden people might have borne it, but n
whole dollar Think of it!
Though Grant may not be regarded as sue.
cessful public speaker, there can be- no doubt of
his effectiveness on the stump-of cigar.
Constantinople bn. been visited by II fea, full
conhagration. disp,tch announcing the fact
was received in London yesterday, wherein il
was stated that one thousan houses in the poorer
quarter of the city he'd been destroyed, and that
the fire still raging.
Every dispatch about that fire for the past ,wo
weeks ends with "the fire ! -'il' ginv" How
long does it take viil,v. lik. Cou-,antinoul. g.,
burn up?
One OF the --latest sehs,'ion s'orc, commence,
with the casual remark: Did You ever, vpn,l.
reader. have n tis>ri With : full grown Benv,,
tiger The Chic.y, Post .,y.: Nv, did
and ~ the king had 'nr~-d, be't"d IL
would, we'd have come out SD ahead"
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