The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1872-04-14
Ierning Stas and Catholic Messenger.
NV ORLEANS, sUNDAY. APRIL 7, Lola.
WIT AND WISDOM.

UAbsence makes inc ueaTI SToW louoei
of some one else.
When are rogues like old books Z When
hey are bound over.
Stage Carpenters-Actors who saw the
Air and bore the audience.
Lay by good store of patience, but be
5ure to put it where you can find it.
Tit for Tat.-It is beauty's privilege to
Il ill Time; and, in revenge, Time Kills
beauty.
Bill: "Good morning, Jack; got any
hing new Z" Jack: "Got the neuralgia
erribly."
ave all owe something to our country,
aid the Briton who went abroad without
having paid his income tax.
A friend asks, "Why are a fashionable
$onnp ladv's brains like speckled trout
Because they love to sport under water
'n .saltn is the subject of the schoolboy's
.test composition :" The salt is a spice
Ebich spoils the potatoes if you forget to
nut it on"
The man whom you saved from drown
no. and the man who never pays you what
be owes, you may consider as alike indebted
b you for tye
If YOU want to talk heavy science, say
y protoxyd of hydrogen" instead of ice
1t sounds bigger, and not one in thousand
will know what you mean.
. A Springfield paper says: I'VE know
hoes have soles and tongues, aod now
&hap in Rhode Island advertises, Shoes
made Hear" We don't believe it.
A gentleman was sitting by q parlor-
mirror, when lady remarked. You are
hot in your::right mind this evening per-
Heive that you are beside yourself"
A writer in Fraser has stated that there
) q a village in Bohemia the name of which
la only pronounceable by sneezing three
hines, and adding the syllables sischki.
When Rowland Hill was asked why he
had Surrey Chapel made round, he said
khat it was in order that a certain unwel-
come guest should not have corner in it.
A new picture has just been added to
&he Seine ctady Gallery of fine arts: 1t is
domestic in it's nature, and consists of
Four Ducks taking a warm bath in gut
ter."
Smuggins: ~ say, Brown, why did
iron call the Grecian poetess, "Burning
6apphof Give it upf Well, she was an
Bid fame of Phaon, you know" Drown
follapses.)
A paper, in speaking of songstress,
bays, "She beats cats on high notes. There
vas no music or chest tone in her voice;
But it was ABOUT six octaves above the
ecreech of lost locomotive"
11OTuo 4oOho WGS Uuo SOA VI a PouslCAca,
which he alluded to when called upon by
8he proud striplings of Elton to describe
himself. 81 am" said Horne, F." the son of
kn eminent Turkey merchant"
Of all notifications of manners which
hre to be met with in society, perhaps he
most generally pleaens Ia sinaPiieity, even
las that water is the purest which has no
ataste-that air is the freshest which has no
odor.
s "Will you have the kindness to hand me
sthe butter before youi" said gentleman
politely at a tea table to an ancient maiden.
I FL am no waiter, sir" els that sol I
Thought from your appearance that you
had been waiting long time."
Jesse Meyers leaned against a shaft re-
yolving three hundred times minute, in
slaughter house, Muncy, Ind. He I'M
: dressed in about ten seconds, but strange
to say he was not at all injured. Not a
stitch of clothing remained upon him.
4 The Episcopal clergyman in a certain
town in England, as the custom is, having
established the bans of matrinony between
4 two persons, was followed by the clerks
reading the hymn beginning with these
words: Mistaken souls, who dream Of
heaven"
Judge B., in reprimanding a criminal,
among other names called him scoundrel
3 The prisoner replied, +" Sir, am not as big
scoundrel as your honor; )" here the cui-
prit stopped, but finally added, takes me
to be-" Put your words closer together"
said the judge reddening.
"Johnny, what gender is hose-stockings,
: you knowf" Sometimes masculine and
sometimes feminine" Ono, no, my son !;
hose is neuter." "Well, anyhow, heard
man talking on farm one day, and he
said 'he hoes and she hoes and the 'old
man hoes and that knocks your neuter all
to pieces"
Sick brother: "Iarry, 1 want to wills
per! Pa has given me sixpepce for taking
my medicine. On your way from school
buy me q pennyworth of almond-rock, o
Pennyworth of hardbake, pennyworth of
honeydrops, and penny stick of Spanish
liquorice, and we'll keep the other for to-
s morrow."-Pun.
"Boss, that's a fine horse you have there;
4 how much is he worth 2" "Three hundred
and fifty dollars" "Not 80 much as that"
Eyes, every cent of it, and another fifty on
3 top of it," care you sure 2" Eyes, I'd
) swear to it," "All right" "What are you
d so inquisitive fort" "Merely for ASSESSING
4 purposes. am assessor for this ward, and
only wanted to know at what you rated