Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1872-11-12
LaS2acb for HeI71e0T5StS.

Memphis bellies drink cod liver oil to induce
piumpness.
A fellow who sees girl home under an UNI
brelIa is certainly q rain-beau.
A boy who undertook to ride horse-radish
is now practising on saddle OF mutton.
There is a man in town SO bow-legged that
he has to have his breeches cut out with cir
cular saw.
In Peru the longest ears are considered the
handsomest, and a great mark OF beauty In
the females.
An Ohio girl attempted suicide because a
boil came on the end OF her nose the night she
was going to dance.
It is said to look funny to see a young lady
with both hands in soft dough and mosquito
on the end Of her nose.
An editor who served four days on jury,
says he's so full of law that it is hard to keep
from cheating somebody.
A little girl of eight or ten summers being
asked what dust was, replied that it was mud
with all the juice squeezed out
A little girl wanting fan, but not being able
to remember the word, said she wanted a
thing to brush the hot off with"
The Iowa girls turn out in torchiight process
sions and fill the midnight air with shrill
shrleks tor their favorlte candidates.
Leavenworth editor sat down in a reserved
seat already occupied by hornet. He stands
up when sclssoring his editorials now.
The editress Of Western journal recently
announced that the arrival of an extra male
prevented the prompt issue of the paper
A modest editor, to whom was sent song
entitled What shall my love wear p wrote a
kind but decisive article advising her to wear
clothes.
"Rave you Blasted Hopes p asked young
lady Of librarian with handkerchief tied
over his jaw. mo, ma am said he; ''it's
only blasted toothache"
The tendency Of womankind is to magnify
trides. There's woman in Illinois who wants
divorce simply because her husband beats
her with an iron bootjack.
An innocent minded Brooklyn girl said to a
gentleman the other night The mosquitoes
are terrible. You just Dug to see my back -
Il wish could, was the quiet reply.
Tn afraid I'm sitting on your crinoline.
ma am. Oh never mind, sir, it's of no con-
sequence; you can't hurt it. No ma'am, it's
not that, but the COMPOUNDED thing hurts me.
It rather hit the nail on the head when la
dy, on being asked what she thought was the
meaning OF the words, 'the pest!ence that
waiketh IN darkness, answered that, in her
opinion, 1T was bed-bugs."
Delphi, out in Indiana, has the following dog
ordinance: dogs that are not collared and
labelled, no matter how respectfully connected,
will have their narratives ampntated one inch
south Of their ears
An inquiring citizen of Madison, Indiana,
thrust bis fingers into horses mouth to see
how many teeth he had. The horse closed his
mouth to sec how many fingers the man had.
The curiosity Of each vas fully satisfied.
The cheerful horse-Ay is said ITO gaily per-
ambulate the spinal column Of Tennessee
horses, and the vocalistic mosquito hovers a.
bout their roosts and frightens the lusty fowls,
who mistake them fer chicken hawks
A Paterson boy put lighted match into a
nearly empty powder key, TO see what would
happen. lie won't do SO again, as his curios-
lty is satisfied, but the girl who sits next him
in school thinks ne locked better with bis nose
On.
4 Pekln, Illinois, woman was asked by the
preacher II her husband feared the Lord She
replied: Fear him why, bless you, he's SO
feared OF him, that he never goes out of the
house On Sundays without taking his gun a.
long.
The story that Philadelphia sportsnen were
caught firing at New Jersey mosquitoes, mis-
taking them for snipe, is the invention of an
Inscriptions itemizer The Philadelphians
knew what the insects we're, but despaired of
killing them IN any other way.
Since their only schoolma am eloped from
Green Bay. last week, the school directors have
advertised Tor teacher who is over forty years
OF age, had the smallpox, with poor teeth
and glass-eye and wooden leg. ANY girl pos
sesslng these recommendations can secure a
permanent job By applying early.
jury was brought into court in order that
one OF their number might be instructed upon
the following point Of law: IF believe that
the evidence was one way, and the other eleven
Deieyo different, does that justify any other
luryman II knocking me down with a chair ?"
The judge reserved bis decision
Sir Vim. Brown, pompous sort of q man.
being at parish meeting, made some promo
sails which we're objected to by farmer. High
~ enraged, he said to the farmer:
Sir, do you know that | have been in two
universities ?"
We'll, said the farmer, what of that?
had a calf that sucked two COWS, and the OBJ
serVatlon made was, the more he sucked, the
greater calf he grew.
distinguished lawyer ia North Carolina
was great secessionist and 'sfre-eater. -
When the war actually began he managed to
keep out until towards the last he was called
into service as Colonel of regiment of home
guards. by accident, the regiment came under
ire, when the valiant Colonel sought safety be-
hind tree. The General in command seeing
him, called out, Hello, Colonel 7 thonehf
you was fre-eater!'' 80 | was" renIie5
the Colonel, but | did not wish to be- a
damned glutton about it.
By squall on the Delaware Bay few weeks
ago, while sailing IN yacht, two young mel.
were oveFfaken. From the way things looked,
the capsizng of tbeir shallop was near inevi-
Bill said one to the other, this is a Sc
nous 1s business; can you pray? ?"
NO can /; L re heard John Quin do it, |
myself" '''' D"' : '''' : ~ :
wei, you can sing hymn can you? For
heayens sake co something"
NC, eau sing here. How can 7 sing
both?'' n'''i'eht may grown US
Won wei oa1. We must do something relations ri
collection Si"g' let $ take up
10 tbs Bill consented. In his corn.,.
hat he deposited thirteen pennies co'npanicn
and broken bladed knife a. "a c99::5screw
the vino Iulied, and the shalop made spc ems