St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1872-07-05


life Il burden because she was afflicted
with warts on her hands, so she drowned
herself. There was something appro-
pirate insher seeking IL wartery grave.
organist comes round to our
"tilct every day or two and plaintiNely
grlnd> ont about Come home, dear
f;ither, come home" He is informed
that he need not come here again. The
old gentleman went home Yesterday.
One Gen. f. NJ. Lee has a lecture
prepared on -Four Years in the Saddle
with Sheridan and Fitzpatrick" 1t seems
to lis that that saddle must have been
very much crowded, and We do not
see how they stood it so long.
This is the way the Cedar Rapids
Republican puts it Don't borrow
newspaper nearly all the prevailing
epidenics are spread i'll this way. If
Hou don't want the small -pox take your
paper direct from the publisher"
Speaking to fellow laborer for the
True and Good of Brother Bowen, d
cynical friend, said to Mr.. .Tilton-"The-
"dore, do You really believe Bowen
will go to heaven - Well" hesitat-
ingly-"Yes, | am sure he will if there
are any advertisements there
CHAPPAQUA, June /, lc72-Dedr Sir:
To rid the American market of Brit
iSh cutlery is ii more difficult task than
NOu suppose. Nevertheless, it will
not do to despair. have just purchas-
ed Il flock of geese, and 10y feeding them
on domestic steel-tilings hope to pro
duee pen-knives equal to amy that are
manufactured i'll England HG.
4 II, LII
New Hampshire presented the following
testimonial to school board out West
Hon. II Mg Dear Sir: Miss --,
New Hampshire lady and II very ac-
complished and successful teacher. full
OF faith. courage and energy. Who can
run Il school. lead ii prayer meeting,
break Il colt. fight Il grizzly or shine i'll
Il drawing room. wants to try her hand
ut her profession III Your far-otf State
of Nevada and teach the Young idea
there how to shoot something besides
Indians and sage hens. | know her
we'll and can Noucl that she Is every
thing that a woman ought to he. To Wit
plucky. clever. ;Imiabe and good.
(Sigmed)
There was always something inesis
tiblN funny i'll what they used to tell
about IL foppish passenger on Mississ
ippi boat. who. Just for ii little fun"
.immped on shore at Il landing. and
rushed up to Il gawky ky-looking fellow
ut woOd-pile. eXclaiming: I've found
vou at last-,y0u're the man I've been
looking for. The gawky looked at him
for half a second. then Straightened out
his arm like Il jib-boom. and knocked
the fellow overheard into ten feet of
water. Resuming his position against
the wood pile, he drawled out : Is there
anybody else on this boat looking for
me.
When Col. Henry Wilson was in Bos-
ton. raising Il regiment. little fellow
one day presented himself at head quar-
tiers and asked for commission.
Have you seen service ~ asked
Colonel W.
"les. Colonel, WAS in the three
months service"
Were YOU in the battle of Bull Rum"
Il was. Colonel"
Colonel Wilson has ii delicate vein of
humor i'll him So, winkiug at his staff.
he asked -
And did you run well ~
Il used diligence, Colonel. | did the
best | could. but couldn't keep up
with You i'll that hack
Then there WAS another laugh.
Mr.. :. y. Pike. some time ago, sold
an amphihiouS Jersey building lot to II
Dutchnlan. he ill tuln. sold it to Il broth
er fiat Specmlating Dutchman as nice
arabic land" Dutchman No. > went
to look at it. and found it covered with
salt water, eels and leaping frogs. He
came back Ill Il great fury, and sued
Dutchman No. | for Swindling him
Ibid YOU sell this land tor dry land p
asked the Judge of the sharp Dutchman.
"lah it vasch goot land" replied the
Dutchman. But was il dry land, sir p
~ ah yah 1t Vasch goot try land.
Ven | sold it to mine friend it vasch
low tide '"
\ Western man went to Chappaqua
To see the great American trimmerdev-
astating the underbrllsh of his farm.
'.AIr. Greeley" he said. If the Southern
people could see you whacking AT these
bushes, your vote ought to he greatly
increased. Certainly all the bushwhack-
er> ought to vote for their chief"
why, You hlockhead, | amt doing
this to get votes; | have been at it for
fifteen years" That pilgrim sadly but
firmly announces his intention to sup
port Grant. He says Greeley hasn't
any more Scll>e of hImnr than short
horned vclocipcdc.
\ ionsier Democrat illustrates his
views upon the situation as follows:
1t is only the people who think II little,
who aid in the work OF civilization.
The boy VIII" refused his bread and
butter was one of this kind. Isn't it
good bread - asked the nurse "les"
Isn't il good butter ;" Yes"
Nv What's the matter, then ," don't
like the WAY the thing is spread" That
tells the whole story. Bread, the Lib
rral Convention tn beat Grant. Butter,
the Cincinnati platform. The spread
Greeley. Faugh, What thinking Dem
ocI:it can eat il .!
What IL nuisance" exclaimed il gen
tlrmIan at Il concert. as Il Young fop in
front of him kept talking in Il loud voice
to Il lady at his side. Did Nou refer
to me. sir ," thIeitcnimglN demanded
the top. ''Oh NO: {: meant the music
iams there, hu keep up such Il noise
with their Instruments that can't hear
Nour conversations" WAS the singing
reply.
One ,l;iN IL fine NcW Wtoundland dog
and II nrt>tih, had ii sharp discussion
over II bone. and warrcd away us angri-
" as two boys. They We're lighting on
IL bridge. and the first thing they knew,
over they went into the water. The
banks We're so high that they were
forced I" swim some distance before
they came to II landing place. 1t was
very easy for th,. \eM tpIIuulanupr lie