Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1872-05-06
MISCELLANEOUS.

Vesuvius may still claim to be a live
ly old crater
Queen Victoria underlines her letters
like school girl.
1t is easier to plant acorns than to
transplant oaks.
There's boy in Salem so bright that
his mother has to look at him through
bit of smoked glass.
Punch's Mental Philosophy.-What
is mind ? No matter What is matter?
Never mind. What is the nature of the
soul 1t is immaterial.
The latest invention is coffin on
wheels 1t is run around the church,
stops moment at each mourner, and
saves deal of confusion.
Henry Ward Beecher says: '.An i'm
pudent clerk can Go almost as much in
jury to store as the neglect of the pro-
prietor to advertise his wares.'
A Quebec woman created sensation
recently by riding through Fabrique and
St John streets in a hearse, reclining on
the coffin bed and smoking a pipe.
'How one thing brings up another ''
said lady absorbed in pleasing retro
spectiOn. Eyes" replied the practical
Dibts; 'an emetic, for instance.
The Florida alligators have been sad
ly libelled. They are utterly harmless
to the adult human race, never gobbling
up anything larger than small colored
infant.
A Williamsport bride woke up in the
night and aroused the neighborhood
with her shrieks when she found man
beside her. She forgot she was married.
and took John for burglar.
The piano was invented by J. G.
Schroeder of Dresden, in the year l717.
The inventor at once presented a model
of his invention to the court of Saxony
They Immediately became popular.
De Quincy mentions chapter in Won
Trails work on Iceland, which is enti-
tied Concerning the Snakes of Iceland. %
The entire chapter consists of these six
words There are no snakes in Iceland.
A Western orator thus winds up a
definition of eternity-"Why, my
friends, after millions and millions of
years had rolled away in eternity, it
would be hundred thousand years to
breakfast time"
The blackbird that used to sing 'son
the Michigan shore" has multiplied to
such an extent in that region as to be
regarded a nuisance. In Minnesota the
towns vote considerable sums of money
to be invested in strychnine for their
slaughter.
The last report we have seen of Col.
Sam Pike, the newspaper slater, he is
about to commence his thirty-ninth
weekly at Huntington, West Va. If he
has good luck Sam may yet come up to
fifty so far he has beat any other man
in that line.
"Let me see,'' said boss mason re-
fectively, to burnt out merchant, 81
have got to put up a block for Brown
this morning, and dwelling house for
Smith this afternoon. Yes, | guess we
can jerk up your store this noon, by
taking only half an hours nooning'
The head of family in Omaha earns
$50 per month by his labor, two boys
earn s8 per week, and two girls earn Sc
more. Two girls beg enough to support
the family, and four boarders besides,
thus leaving the money earned as fund
to clothe them and pay for the house and
lot lately purchased.
The New York Evening Post is wrest-
ling with this conundrum: "No Re-
ward for an Answer.-If a milkmaid,
four feet ten inches in height, while sit
ting on three-legged stool, took four
pints of milk from every fifteen cows,
what was the size of the field in which
the animals grazed, and what was the
girls age?"
A Watertown (Wis.,) grocer who is
not much in the habit of original com
position, scrawled "Salt Pork on yel
low card the other day, and hung it OF
his door. For week his side of the
street was nearly deserted, and now ht
hires his sign painting done by somebody
who doesn't make "Salt Pork" appear
like "Small Pox."
A New Albany lady, whose husband
occasionally flies into passion, is IL
the habit on such occasions, of walkin.
to the kitchen door and calling to tn
servants to come in. When they enter
wondering what their mistress wants, sh
turns to her husband and coolly bids hin
to continue his remarks. 1t is useless t
: say that he never adds word in hig
= temper after the appearance Of the sci
, wants.
e A farmer who went to Texas to buy
farm was greatly prejudiced against th
country he thought to settle in from th
fact that the doctor whom he called t
attend him when he was seized with
fever, began trying on his clothes immt
diately after writing prescription
, The fact that while the doctor was try
n ing on his coat, the chambermaid wa
o examining his handkerchiefs, and tt
porter was struggling with his boots, lei
y wings to his imagination, and doubtles
: had an influence in regard to his speed
exit from the State.