The Portland daily press., 1872-02-03
SELECTED STORY.
Hans Schnap's Spy-glass.


anothecary named Hans Schnaps. The door
of his shop opened on 10 Ihe Ahlerinark, ana
was surmounted by sign board, the panels
of which were ornamented with the caduceus
of Mercury and the serpentaria of Esculapi-
US. As to Hans Schnaps himself, instead of |
attending to his business, he strolled about |
the streets, carrying a big spy-glass under his
arms, and leaving his drugs to the care of
couple of youths in his employ.
He was singular parsonage, with long |
nose, grey eyes, and hooking lips From the |
look of his wide brimmed felt hat, his great
coat of reddish drugget, and his beard
trimmed into point you might have taken
him for Flemish painter.
L sometimes met him at the tavern of the
Pot de Tabac, on the Sie where we played
together game OF youcher, or chatted about
the weather Schnaps never felt called on to
give me any information on the subject of his
occupations, and l saw necessity for en-
tightening him on the subject of mine--it
was, in fact, matter of little or no impor-
lance to either.
One day, Burgomaster Zacharias said to
me: 80
''Dr. Benedum, you associate with GER
tain Hans Schnaps'
''Quite true, burgomaster-we meet pretty
frequently"
'"rhat Schnaps is madman.' ~
'.Ive never noticed it." 7..
''Nothing is more positive; instead of at
tending to his business, he goes gadding
about, with a spy-glass under his arm, stop
and his customers" bed.
"Thats his affair, burgomaster; what
would you have me do in it ?'
''But he makes his wife unhappy" urged
the burgomaster. .-f Fr
seWhat! is he married?" 5t
eyes, to the daughter of draper, very
worthy and well-to-do man.
$50 much the better; Schnaps will come
in for some of his father-in-law's money!
"Yes; but he ii soon see the end of it."
IA hiS rLrlo
''No; but with his experiments. Imagine,
doctor-he's established himself in his cellar,
and fabricates there the deuce only knows
what. If, by chance, you throw look
through the grating, you find his spy-glass
leveled at you; Schnaps eyes you with a roar
of laughter-and when noon comes his wife
is obliged to call out to him at least four
times-'Hans! Hans! the soup is readyp'
Poor woman, she is very much to be
pitiedv'
The burgomaster suspected that 1 was
making fun of him, but he pretended not to
see it, and proposed that we should share
pot of beer together. 1 accepted his invita-
ton, and we talked of other matters
These odd revelations, however, did not
the less take hold of my attention. What
the deuce was Schnaps about in his cellar?
What was the meaning of the spy-glass lev
eled at the grating? Was it joke, or really
sore serious experiment? All this kept run
ming in my head and, few days later, went
to the shop for the express purpose of find
ing out what 1 could 1t was about nine
O'Clock. Madame Schnaps, a dry and ner-
vons little woman, with dull eyes, features
generally Insignificant and i'll put together
and cap set awry upon head-one of those
beings who, without speaking word, con-
trive to suggest the idea that they are vic
tims-Madame Schnaps received me behind
the counter E2 -.- 81
"Dear madame" 1 said to her, bowling
graciousy, with lifted hat, ''dear madame
where can l find your husband, Monsieur
Schnaps?'' &
SIN the CELLAR she answered, with a
pointed smile. .F-l
$50 earlyp'
The excellent creature appeared charmed
by my manner, and raising her eyes directed
me to a door on the left.
hastened along the passage, and succeed
ed, after good deal of stumbling on the dark
stairs, in reaching the stone-paved floor of the
laboratory.
1t was really cellar but high, wide, spa
cious and perfectly dry-fled with gigantic
telescopes, mirrors of all kinds-fat, SPHERE
cal, abolical-prisms, crystals, and burn
ing glasses, mounted on tripod stands-in
short, the whole apparatus of an optician.
Hans Schnaps turned in surprise on hear
ing me descending.
....s- cha! ha! hap he cried. GIFTS Won DR.
Benedum. "Glad to see you.'' -
He came forward to me with open. arms
But, stretching forth my hand with tragic
GESTURE M
''Halt haltp' 1 cried, ssstop a moment, he
fore we indulge in familiarities. come ON
behalf OF the burgomaster to feel your pulse p
He gravely held out his arm to me; 1 put
my thumb on the artery, and speaking in
thoughtful tone, and with pouted lip, [ said
Aha! you are not so ill as they saw
chip he cried. IL tf.r
You are not yet wholly out of your wis.,
These words sent him off into such fits of
laughter that Madame Schnaps leaned over
the stairs and peered down into the cellar.
with wondering eyes, PA st @trEs
Sophia! Sophiar' cried the apothecary.
'ha ha! ha! Do you know what they say of
me? Ha! ha! ha! They say am out of my
witsp'
His wife made grimace, and hurried away
without answering .s't.t
Becoming little more calm, Hans Schnaps
said to me:
''Take seat, DIR. Benedum, and tell me
what has procured me the honor of this Wis
itp'
He placed an arm chair for me- and seated
himself on the bcx of daguerrotype appara-
tus, his long grasshopper legs sprawled wide
apart, ms elbows on his knees, and his point
ed beard drawn out between his bony fingers
His was truly strange physiognomy, seen
by the dim light admitted by the cellar graf
ing, and the vague CLEANS that faded into
shadow amid the thousand optical instru-
ments added to the singularity of the scene
simply related to him the conversation I
had had with the burgomaster, and Schnaps
far from becoming angry, burst into new peals
of laughter.
THAT animal of burgomaster," he cried,
for whom have just invented new kind
OF syringe-a superb discovery, doctor! And
-ha! ha! Observe that spy-glass; it's the
famous Schnaps' syringe, unique of its kind
With this wonderful instrument am able to
accomplish what has never before been posi-
ble-to syringe the brains of idiots imbeciles
crettnS and burgomasters generally! l pour
into the body of the pump decoction of Vol
talre, Shakespeare or Father Malebranche; l
= dellcately introduce into your eye the small
end of the instrumental press, and crack!-
you are filled with good sense poetry or met
aphyscsP,
lent joke.'' ..I
"Joke mot the least in the world. You
are much too sensible, Doctor Benedum. not
to know that our opinions depend upon our
point OF view; miserable beggar, without
fire or shelter, covered with rags, and with
only dunghill to lie upon, sees things in
light very different from that in which ma
bob looks on them; social order appears to
him detestable, laws absurd''
Doubtless, but
"But," interrupted Schnaps, ''seat the fel-
low at splendid table, in beautiful house.
surround him with oderiferous flowers and
pretty women in magnificent dresses, feed
him on the daintiest dishes, let him drink Jo-
hannisberg, and place behind his chair doz-
en- lacqueys, who call him monseigneur, high
ness, most eminent, ETC., he'll find that ali is
for the best in the best of all possible worlds:
social order will appear to him magnificent
and he will proclaim our laws masterpieces
of human wisdom"
agreed, my dear Schnaps, agreed; what
you now say is the history of humanity; we
all look at things through the great or small
end of the spy glass; as it may happen. But
what the deuce are you driving at9
AIR cried the apothecary, "its very sim
pie. From the mament that all depends on
ur point of view, the question of happiness |
reduced to always finding the point Of view
chat is the most agreeable-and that is pre-
"isey the merit of my discovery. Judge for |
Jourself"
He handed me his spy glass; applied it to
my eye, and could not refrain from uttering |
cry OF admiration. saw myself President of |
the Scientific society of Berlin, plump. ruddv |
and hearty, decorated with the Orders of Mer- |
it, of the Black Eagle, of the Brown Eagle, of
the Red Eagle, of the Legion of Honor of the |
Garter. and others besides. I held the bell