The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1872-11-21

y prosperous merchant has fIr his
motto: Early to bed aud early tJ
rise; never get tight, and advertise. >
Ifa topper aud qIsrt of whisky
were left together, which would be
drunk firste
Milliners are Offering handsome
premiums for pigeons wings A good
opportunity for professors OF the light
fantastic.
Why is coal the most contradictory
article known tO commerce Be
cause, when purchased, Instead Of go
ing to the buyer il gOes 70 the cellar.
4 Michigan maiden managed 10
drown herself by holding her head
under water in a pool only six inches
deep-which shows what 4 shallow
brain she must have had.
It is apprehended that locomotive
engines will get wheezy and begin 10
run at the nose. Bat we will fail beck
on the constant and impeTturbaGle
mule. He will not run at anything.
Don't place your country houses
where it will command all the best
views to be got from your estate, but
leave something to tempt you forth,
at least as fine as what you see while
sitting within doors.
There are three hundred and seven
| ty-eight members Of the Bier family
in Ohio. As Ohio Is pretty healthy
| Com IL strikes Us that the
Bier family are strong enough to fur
nish the whole State with undertake
/ ers.
A society item writer says that
nFOur elergymen, twelve ushers, eight
bridesmaids and the same number Of
grOOmsmen were employed recently
at a wedding in New York" EN-
ployed" is "a good phrase-sn excel
lent phrase.
"HOme is the place for boys" said
Spinks to his eldest pride and joy
"Yes," said the yOungsteF, dutifully,
''I like to stay at home all the time,
but ma sends me of to school"
A country girl, coming from
morning walk, was told that she
looked as fresh as a daisy kissed Jy
the dew, 10 which she innOcently re-
piled, you've got my name right
Daisy; bHt his isn't Dew"
A baId-hs~-IsI- f.iss.t, OF heavy,
phIegmatie temperament, was sec.is-
ted on the street by a waggish ac-
0uaintance with the inquiry, Tom.
why is your head like Alaska -
"TOo much for me, Zaeh-I give il
up" because II is n 1Ciiifs be1r
place
"The foliage is fast turning to plum
/ age" remarked 4 sad young man, as
he gaZed from L window upon the
partiaIly denuded trees. How 50 ."
/ injured another and sadder young
man. 'iDJn't you see" replied the
/ first, ''that the leaves are nearly ali
| down"
B A Rochester hoy teased his girl for
an hour In go and take lunch with
him and she at last consented.
! Though not feeling hungry in the
/ least, she managed To get with stew
a plate Of raw, a white fish, an Iron
/ deduOit trout, tSO quail oa toast,
glass OF sherry and half a pound Of
I caramels. Her escort left Tor Denver
I the next day
A .'Woman'S Tea Company" has
been established in B,isiOn. What
BENEDICT, who "kn0ws how IL is him
self" can he expected 20 pstrDnize
such a establishment, by asking for
wOmah's teaslel?
A farmer living in Titusville who
has two or three very cOurtable girls,
placed a notice on his front door one
night which read "Shut down for 80
days; no stove in the pariOr and but
one lamp"
"Who was the meekest man, my
son :n said the superintendent Of a
bows Bible class in this State--"MO-
ses, sir.U ''Very well, my boy; and
who was the meekest woman ~
"Please, sir,thers never was a ameekesi
woman"
\ Berkshire county gentleman has
buried three wives, and is still Eale
and hearty. \ marble worker has
lust received the order for the tomb
Stone for the third Mrs., and il j
To bear this plimentary line
"The best wife ever had"
An old agricultural labOrer i'm Eng
I land tried a singular method Of evan
} gelizing his family. Being remOn-
! strated with by the pastor for no
Infringing up" his boys as ne should
he replied, II dunno 'Ow tits, sir;
2 order iem down 10 pray every nigh
= an mOrnini, and when they won't q
% down, | knock 'em down and ye
they amt good ."