Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1872-05-04

world abounds in perfectlons.
A Boston lady's pins, when she is
fairly dressed, are said to number 500 J!
A young lady Of Terre Haute is writ
ing book on What | know about
Courting."
A drunken man can rarely walk in
straight line. He's more used to
rye>tangle.
The closest study.-Any study where
the windows haven't been opened for
six months.
A newspaper down South publishes
the deaths Of colored people under the
head of " Negrobgy,"
A foreign medical journal remarks
that the most warlike nation of modern
times is vaccination, because it is always
in arms.
It's considered cool to take a mans
hat with his name written upon it..
simply because you want his auto
graph.
Queen Elizabeth had fourteen hun
dred dresses. What extravaganza !
Half the number ought to be enough
for any lady.
Why is aSdoctor better taken care of
than his patients? Because when he
goes 10 bed he's sure t. have somebody
wrap him up.
A contemporary threatens to send a
smallpox patient after his subscribers
who are in arrears for their paper for
more than year.
The burned city must be rebuilding
rapidly. Accounts say that large lime,
stone " blocks are removed from! Alton
to Chicago daily.
One of Alexis aides is Lieutenant
Tudeer-a name applied to the entire
staff, since the committee began paying
the reception bills.
A speaker at recent public meeting
concluded his appeal BY the remarkable
warning, Remember the eyes of the
por popui are upon yon."
"Them soldiers must be an awful
dishonest set" said an old lady, for
not a night seems to pass that some en-
try is not relieved Of his watch"
A lady, in reply to some guest who
praised the mutton on the table, said
"Oh, yes, my husband always buys The
best he is such great epicac."
Ma, this milk is better than yester-
days milk was" Z" Don't say that,
child say there's more milk in this wa
ter than there was in the watc. we got
yesterday.
A Burlington (Vt.)paper reports that
prisoner in the county jail tell out
while leauing against the walk aud that
the institution is to be papcred ior better
security.
4 new mode Of snicide has been In
vented. \ man filled his mouth with
gunpowder and putting caps bctseen
his teeth, chewed them Til an explosion
took place.
Ny dear" asked John On observ-
ing new striped hose on his only heir.
g" why have you made BARRIERS poles OF
Earncst's legs Z" " Because he's lit
tie shaver" was the reply.
How much did he leave?' Inquired
a gentleman If wag, on learning the
death of wealthy citizen.
Everything" responded the wag ;
"he didn't take dollar with him"
The earth is said to be growing smaller.
In two thousabd millions of years it will
be as small as Rhode Island, where
they are unable to shoot woodcocks with
the finest of bird shot, for fear of shoot,
ing into some other State
An exchange says: ave are in re-
ceipt Of two poems, one on the 'Throb-
bing Brain and the other on Beat
ing Heart We will wait till we re-
cciye one on the Stomach Ache, and pub.
lish all three together"
Do you say that as a lawyer or as q
man z" exclaimed an exasperatcd wit
ness whom barrister was cross.examin,
ing. IF you say it as man it's a lie
and SANDER but if you say it as law
yer it is not of the slightest eonse-
quence"
The New York Erpress intimates
Grant is addicted to keno. 1t is to be
hoyed that it Is not true, though there
is little doubt that he has been more or
less addicted TO cards ever since he took
a hand at Missionary Ridge and won
that +" game of Bragg. "-Louisvitle Co~-
rier-Journal
A little girl who loves to pray, one
night was very tired and sleepy, aud was
geftinp into her little bed without saw