Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1872-07-09
Model Greeley Resolutions.

Written expressly for the Greeleyites in
Scott county, by Shonbirg; but not being
copyrighted, no one will be prosecuted for
using them outside Of Scott, and claiming
them as original In short, stealing is per-
mitted and expected ~ .a
| WHEREAS, The millennium has dawn
| ed, and the wolf is lying down with the
lamb, and the lion is eating straw like an
| OK, and the abolitiOnists and secessiOnists
march under the same flag, and the radi-
Gals and rebels walk arm in arm, and the
| free-traders and protectiOnists are check by
jOwl, and the Irish and negroes eat out of
| the same dish, and Horace Greeley and
Jeff Davis sleep in the same bed, and the
sucking child is playing on the hole Of the
| asp, and women vote and ride straddle,
| and everything is lovely and the goose
| hangs high; therefore,
RcsoIged, 1st That inaSmuch as the time
has come for all men to eat dirt and turn
somersets, and no man thinks what he
says, or believes what he thinks, we unan-
imously recognize the absolute equality of
men, including negroes women and chi
nese that we believe mules ears are as
short as a horses and that the leopard
can change his spots, and that
the negro is man and a brother, and hav-
ing always favored his admission to the
ballot-bOX we now welcome him to the So
cial circle, having something of an idea
that all the world was born of a monkey,
that things are not what they used to be,
and that there is a great deal of upside
downed-ness and dOwnside-upward-ne
and bewildering miXed-up-atiye-ness
generally.
Resolved 2d, That being in great doubt
whether the rebellion failed or succeeded,
and not being certain whether Grant or
Lee surrendered at AppomattoX, and be-
ing of opinion that the South was either
right or wrong, and the North was either
wrong or right, and that neither was Ell
ther to hurt, we are unanimously in favor
of letting by-gones be by-gones. of bury
ing the Stars and Stripes in the same
grave with the Stars and Bars, of mixing
three parts of Dixie" with two of" Yam
kee Doodle" and of marrying the Union
eagle to the rebel buZZard.
ResOEUed Sd, That being liberal party
we favor liberality in all things, in politics
and i'll religion, in virtue and in temper
ance, giving perfect freedom to all;
freedom TO men, and freedom to wo-
men, criticising no ones opinions and 10
ones actions; pardoning an occasional clean
shirt and washed face; neither averring
that there is heaven nor yet denying
that there is hell holding the Almighty
in proper respect at the same time not for
getting our old friend Satan believing that
nothing is up or down but that everything
is standing or sideways, and in all things
holding very fast with one hand but alto
gether letting go with the other.
: ReSolued 4th, That the Constitution as it
is is better than the Constitution as it was:
that the Bible is all very we'll in it's place,
but the Book of Mormon is newer and the
writings of Confucius older, and every
man is master of his own conscience and
conduct and has Alright to make a God to
suit himself; that free whisky and uni
yersal ignorance coupled with free love
and universal salvation make earth para
disc and heaven a certainty; but that
nevertheless, all things are turned round
and the times are out of joint, every
straight road is crooked, the earth turns |
backward on its axes, men walk zigzag and |
their brains are topsy-turvy, the world is |
all bewitched, and woman is the coming |
man. -1Et-
RcsOIrcd 9Th, That inasmuch rs Judas |
Iscariot, though once a wicked man after |
wards become an apostle, and inasmuch as |
Benedict Arnold shed blood in defence of |
American liberty, and inasmuch as Jeff. |
Davis was not nominated, we are are |
heartily in favor of Horace Greeley, believ-
ing as as we do that the Democracy is |
not dead, but sleepeth and that all roads |
from Greeley go to Grant; that Greeley
was an original abolitiOnist and an aborig-
inal secessionist; that that the abolition
lists and secessionists always worked to the
same end and their present combination is
only a renewal of past cooperation, and
wonderful will it be in the eyes of all men
when the arch enemy of the kuklux be-
comes their chiefcaptain when the prince
of protection becomes the king of free |
trade when the champion of temperance
bears the banner of the bar-room business, 4
and Satan leads the hosts of heaven, then
truly shall the last be first, for great is the
mystery of Grecleyness.
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