Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1872-03-09
The Book-Agent's Fate!Irri

IL
minced woman down at the depot the
other day. They Thought IL twas'cIscp.
ped meat for nince-pic at fiist,, hit
when they found some hair.pins and 4
garter mixed up in IL, the truth sort of
dawneu on them. And when they
fished out a tongae that would not
keep still, you understand, they caught
the idea with great facility. sssliom
aI can tell you about the thing g,,be.
cause, You see, Iaiid the 'mihciug up of
the lady myself. II got her sintS "a
mincing sort of way that she'll never
get ont ofas long as She iiyes. d'Y6u
can bet the inaxitphln Of height with
the minianm Of safety on thex point.
This is the way the thing happened 20
I was picking my teeth onithe Fifth
Avenue Hotel steps after eating a
twenty-cent dinner over in Third Ave
nue., as is my custom Of an afternoon.
There came by a rakish craft. She
scudded along under a closely reefed
hustle and tolerably bare poles. The
wind was a nor nor -wester, and ii
struck her aft, making fearful havoc
with her canvas. She wore the new
style Of metal garters, with gilt clasps.
Twill take my oath, you oLserve, Of
that. She signaled me With Her of
eye, and | bore down upon her. oIhad
thrown overheard about seven words,
when She interrupted me By yanking
a big book out of her hustle, or some
where. Here is somethfiig,S y she
warbled, (which I'd like to show you.
1t is called the History Of Christiani-
IS in the Feejee Islauds,' by the Ree.
Peter Porsidge. It is illustrated by
ten thousand pictures, just engraved
by the ola masters, and bound with
calfskin. 1t is the greatest work ever
written. You can't afford to be with
out it. ChildreA cry for it, The price
is only seven dollars. will put your
name down and p -ssa'. srY isi'aHii
nd False womanw I shriekcd, tsawayi
You have deceived a poor, weak, trust
ing man. You are book agent. Be
ware, woman Although unmarded,
Twill defend inpselfto the DEATH" s1q
llo Then / fled. isse eill dalsosdi 5so Il
saBat the creature, yon comprehend,
was like the ITCH, or a bad conscience,
or a washwoman's bill-rnet. to be so
easily got rid of. She dogged my
footsteps like divorce detected She
lowered over me like an avenging
Esprit. She laid for me when q went
to, my meals, interviewed me at my
Office, and bored me at every peint.
Life seemed a burden. and / would
hydrate-ofchlorated myself, only /
knew that mis- -guiced woman would
have followed me into eternity, and
have. commenced to canyass the land
OF eternal warmth for her blasted book.
I know some good fellows in the sum-
mer land, and wouldn't like, You un-
derstand. to precipitate d horrible fate
upon them. ,saltsg.. ~ bse ,ssssaaa
disguised myself as a hackman, as
an organ grinder, as. a minister-put
myself in the most humillating posi-
tions,l ,lyou ,obserye-but it wasn't any
use. Be sure that female wickedness
,tound.me out. at last i meandered
down by the sad sea waves, and was
happy for a time Days sped by--at
fifteen ortweDty dollars .eacll--andI i
was hegining to forget the book agent.
One, ,eveaing 1 wandered on the
sanded, beach in the mellow moonlight.
II stppose. that is the correct L0ng
Branch thing to do. II met "a qorely
creature nwhitetulle, or cottou sbeet-
ing, or Something. took her for a
moonbeam lirsts you, comprehend, and
my heart bumped with admiration. /
fiirted With Tire ethereal heifer, and We
sat on a damprOck very closeItegether.
My arm get around her waiste, and we
were having; q nice .tepfortabls ,time.
You possibly. know how it is yourself.
Fair Stranger l murmured, |" dost
love thus to squat on the i'pfiGeva!
rock, and cOinmane with Iiature.g0
Eq she said she did,. vItsfip.ra z,ne,s
|, e Couldst thou leave the alldremcnts
OF art, and live. always amid, the low
ers and trees Of the inoonbeams p
~ She said she could ~ zol AalHiss
~ 'tWhy 30, lsieht1''s Igasllell,, softly
pressing her hand. ;" Dost aught dis
tqrb the harmony ofthey squl-z-is, any
"a !5lnias but admiration for this scene
t1qShe said there KAsse sliii sss1 n i..le
IisdY Here is. nsonethipg,' '4she broke
ont pulling out a ten bound volume
from somewhefc,. athat I'd like to
show ysni.' 1T fscalled the Hfsfory 81
Girisstanity athe-+nEssl q ,ldwssa4 I
recognized her, Sheawas that,in,
fernal book agent drew nv trusty
tjack'kniie andisniotes her thus r iThen