The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1872-10-11
A Short Chapter on Snoring.
DY ABE RICK

! DY ABE RICK.
slept with u bachelor friend Nv mino
last nlte-l mean, mi friend slept with
mel didn't sleep.
he was p'ticklar friend in every-
thing except snorin'.
In this nocturnal akkomplishment he
isn't at all p'tiklar. He would az soon
snore breakdown nz selektion from
the opera.
L was entirely ignorant Nv hiz sur.
prlzln' skill on the nose when offered
him the inequalities NV mi bed, but
knose all about it now.
he kane tn mi bed jist az the red
rooster that sleeps in the apple tree
krowed l o'clock A. NJ.
happened tn be awake. I alters am
when ! ort tn be asleep. waz thinkin'
aoout Danyel in the lions den, and won
derin' wi Dan didn't travel with me.
nagerie.
Mi friend locked the door and asked
II was awake. I answered yes, tn the
best OF my ability. He then shook me,
az tho he suspekted sun deception
Next L heard him skrapin' matches on
the wall, and swearin' in whispers.
When the lamp waz lit, tho wall ap-
peared ornnmented in imitation Nv little
brush heaps.
He kicked his klothes under the bed,
thro both boots ut u atragglin' mus
keeter, blew out the lite aud Jumped
intu bed.
Then he shook me again, an COM
menced tellin' mo where he'd been. who
he'd seen, and what he'd done thru the
| evenin'.
lie sandwiched his entertainin' kon-
versashun with ''wouldn't w? and
didn't yu? and yu bet? and how IL that
for high?"
tried tn keep on thinkin' about Dan
yel, but he wouldn't let me, and kept
answerIn' 'yes and no" till l thought
would never be able tu 50 anything else
for the rest Nv mi daze. Finally took
desperit rezolve. and rollin' over toards
the wall stopt answcrin'.
Thlnkln' waz asleep he kommenced
drummin on the head-board with his
fingers. Then he remarked to himself
that 1t wAz thunderin hot mite for Sep
tember! and drawin' hiz knees up to hiz
chin, Strengthened himself out, dashed
both feet thru the foot-board and carried
away all the klothes.
Then he waz still for ten minutes. and
the old red rooster krowed 2 O'Clock.
Next | thort heard frogs at a dis
tance. The noise increased bi gentle
degrees till imagined sumbody waz
serenadin' me bi drnwin' heavy plank
over board fence. Then it thnndered:
l rose up and rubbed mi ize. The moon
slung it's rays ontu the bed, aud per-
ceived Mi friend doubled up like the
letter 8, with hiz head fast under hiz
arm and snorin'!
Sich snorin as he snored had never
before had an opportunity Nv witnessin'.
ekstrikated hiz head and rolled him
over on hiz side. He blu blast thru
his nostrils like the charge from kavalry
bugle, and settled down intu filiu little
saws.
He kept enlarging the saws and the
noize with 'em, till the muskeeters stop
ped their hummin and the glass begun
to shiver in the windoz. I shook him,
called him bi name, punched him with
mi thumbs, and tried tn kick him on hiz
sore leg, which knew he had, but he
stuck it straight out Nv bed beyond mi
reach. He Kept on, regardless Nv every
thing. directin' all hiz energies, konceu-
tratin' all hiz sleepin' thoughts upon the
one grand object-snorin'.
L grn fdgcty, nervous, fearfully ok
cited! In ten minutes, 1 shood be u
| Aoskh lAbuLlCh.
spraDg out ON the Fl .or and rushed
for the matchbox, jist AS he discharged
volley like the outburstin' NV Vesoo-
vius. The lite waz struck, aud what
sitel The plastorin' was droppin' off in
little scales, mounted by dead mus
keeter. killed by koroussion. The door
ratified in it's frame. the window-glass
clicked az the cracks spread akross them,
the bedstead trombled, and the fowls out
Nv doors had bin woke up aud we're
cacklin az tho surrounded hi an army
Nv weazles.
Twenty exscrutintin' minutes spent
in frantik efforts tn wake mi friend-not
that he slept the sleep that knows no
wakin-he was simply snorin' the snore
that knows no stoppn'. dressed. went
down stairs three steps at time, burst
out of doors and hollered fire. Then
rushed medly away from the house, over
the bridge, up the hill beyond-any-
where tn eskape that agonizin' snore,
that belchin', snortin', chokin', ear
splitting, nerve destroyin' nose musick.
l snt down on stump.
The bucheous orc nv mite waz hi in
the Heaven, for the man in the moon
had doubtless heard that snorin' and got
az far off az possible. The farmers
dogs were barkin' far and near, and