The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1872-12-20
PLAIN DEALER.

boat at St. Paul the other day, with
"a note stating that his name was Con-
rad B. Clark. Imagine the torturing
curiosity of that child when he grows
up to determine Of what name "B" is
the initial.
Mrs. John Bags, of Omaha, left
Mr.. John Bags, taking the money
bags, and leaving John Baggs to hold
the little empty Bags.
a man once called on President
Lincoln. lie had shaken hands with
him, observing, "Don't be scared, Mr..
Lincoln, l don't want an Office" els
that so?' said the President; "then
give us another shake"
A practical Kentucky editor calls
the Autumn foliage the Dolly Warden
costume Of the trees.
A milk-dealer who, on opening a can
of milk, found large bullfrog swim
ming about, sent word to the farmer
who supplied him, that he thought his
milk strainer was entirely too coarse.
An indi Greet youth in Cairo b; s
beenfned for vsolently kissing the sehoo
ma am. She was 50 homely that the
Judge said there was absolutely no e.
cuse for him.
"A fastidious Connecticut gentleman
preferred to pay $4,000 on brea h
of promise rather than marry a young
lady who did not spell correctly
"A Danbury woman, called up to at
tend the bedside of IA dying friend. was
deprived Of the melancholy pleasure by
the delay occasioncd in borrowing a
bseast-pin suitable fer the occ. sion.
At last We have new and genteel
euphonism for legs. Limbs was riai-
culed out of good society long ago. 4
clergyman, Sunday spoke of the horse
disease as reducing man to his ''awll-
ward devices" This will do, girls!
The Boston Pilot, which has twict
been burnt out, says: eve are just a
bout tired of this phoenix business.
We don't want to rise nobly from cuI
ashes any m'le.'
The L ditor of tie Appleton C'cs
cent prefers female school teachers t.
males. Who don't:
A little paraloxical, pcr!tais, Lu
it appears that "blunt' people say
very ''sharp' things.
The St. Louis Democrat has an
eight-cyl'ndcr buzZ-saw in full blast III
the room where it keeps its exchang,
Nineteen dead bodies were lowcrc
from that part of the building last week
and still the god work goes on.
n Brahama rooster, mined CJlc ssus,
died Of arpoplcxy in Connecticut, a
few days since. He weighed over SIX
teen pounds, doubtless the larges
chantie,eer in America, and was valued
at about $100 by his owner. He was
Il Radical rooster also, and the good
news was too much for him.
THE Bible is rock of diamonds, r.
Chain ofpearls, the sword of the Spirit;
a chart by which the Christian sails t.
eternity, the map by which he dali,
walks, the sun-dial by which he &C s his
life. the balance in which he ighs
his actions.
One Made Happy,--At the Iowa
State Fair reversed gentleman col
lected one hun lred dollars for the Coll
version Of the heatlen, and thief
converted the money to his own use.
The reverend man does not rejoice, but
that one heather does. Such is
life.
A Lady made complaint to Ere g lex
the Great, King Of Prussia: " Your
Majesty" SAID she, "my husband
treats me badly CHATS none of my
business, replied the King. "But
he spoke ill Of you,' said the lady
That" replied lie, sis none of your
business"
A rural miss stepped into Cresco
drug store the other day and asked for
bottle of '.jack of clubs" She wanted
jockey club prefumery.
Instead ofgiving$1O,OOO to the wild
ows and orphans of her dead soldiers
Indiana proposes to take that
amountand put up stupid monument.
Office Heaven is rapidly killing off
the CANNES of st. Louis. has about 40,
600 dogs that ought to go to Heaven.
A facetious man introduce d Hume
once as "gentleman Hume you should
know" .. ....
An lrishman meeting another, asked
him what had become of a mutual friend.
"Arrah, now, my dear honey" ans