Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1872-10-15
Cider TJpSyS.

CG0e2' Xgl1SyS.
The two best ships in the world courtship
and friendship.
At Kalamazoo-bcy- shotgun-riddled bow
els-coffin to pay for.
Smiggles says that the most thrilling tale he
ever listened to was that Of rattlesnake.
Why is a loaf of bread like a caterpillar?-
Because it is the grub that makes the butter
fly.
A farmer had calf, SO contrary he said that
he had to pull his ears off to make him suck,
and pull his tail off to make him let CO.
An old lady is collecting all the political jour
nails she can get to make soap of. She says
they contain 691 per cent of pure lie
Don't worry about my going away my dar-
ling Absence, you know, makes the heart
grow fonder'-"Of somebody else," added
the darling.
A middle sized boy, writing composition
ION extremes remarked that we should en-
deavor to avoid extremes, especially those of
wasps and bees"
An old lady who had heard that young
friend had lost place by a misdemeanor, I'M
charitably observed that there was alters a
woman at the bottom of it. -
A little boy accosted his papa thus, "Papa
are you growing still? mo, dear, what
makes you think SO p Because the top of
your head is coming through your hair -
The whole thing has gone to the devil" said
gentleman Of some unfortunate speculation.
Never mind said Jerrold, you'll get it back
when you de-
A little girl at school read thus: ''The Wild
ow lived on small limbacy, left her by rela-
tive. - what do you call the word p asked
the teacher; the word is legacy, not limbacy"
"But, Miss Johnson" said the little girl, PA
says must say limb. not Leg
A bevy of young ladies while crossing Mill
Creek, at Salem, CAL, by moonlight they OBJ
served a goose swimming in the creek, and be-
gan pelting it with stones, when they were
greatly astonished by hearing the aforesaid
goose exciaim why can't you let fellow
alone? [ amt botherin' you folks any,"
A SOLDIER AND PARsoN.-The Scots
vile Register says that the Rev. Mr.. Leathers,
meeting a confederate soldier during the late
war, commenced a conversation, with him by
asking if he was in possession of "the one
thing needfui;" whereupon the soldier in in
nocency Of heart, pulled out of his pocket a
ticker, and said he believed ''he had little
left"
A MIXED EPITApH. A tombstone has been
lying on Bates street, Detroit, for some months,
and no one knows how it came there. The in
scription reads: ''In memory of Henry l..
Hall, who died 18th December, 1929" A
handful has been posted over it, so that the
words read: In memory of the steamer Riv-
erside, who Sugar Islands James L. Hall every
day this week 18th December half fare. A
fine brass band TO heaven has scared, and no
pieasanter route can be found to sleep forever
meath the sod. -
A minister going to dine after a sermon with
one OF bis deacons came upon the little hired
boy Of his host digging at a woodchuck' hole.
The person, who was unknown to the boy,
checked his rein and accosted him thus:
well my sen, what are you doing there 2"
Digging cut woodchuok, sir" said the
Why. but don you know that this is very
wicked? And besides you wont get him if
you dig for him on Sunday"
Cit i'm T. said the boy. Thunder I've
got to git i'm; the minister's coming to our
house fer dinner, and We amt got any meat !"
PAT AND THE MINISTER. Patrick, the
WIDOW Maloney tells me that you have stolen
one of the finest of her pigs. Is that correct
or not?"
"Yls, yer honor.
what have you done with it?'
KILLED it and ate it, yer honor"
well, Patrick Patrick when you are
brought face to face with the widow and her
pig on the judgement day, what account will
you be able to give of yourself when the wild
ow accuses you of stealing?
did you say the pig would be there, yer
reverence 2"
''To be sure [ did,
''Well, then, yer riveranca, I'll say, Mrs.
Maloney, there's yer pig.
A NEGRo's ARGUMENT. An old negro
named Pete was very much troubled about his
sins. Perceiving him one day with a very
downcast look, his master asked him the cause.
'Oh, Massa I'm such great sinner |"
But, Pete, said his master, ''you are fool
ISL to take it so much to heart. You never
see me troubled about my sins.
L know the reason. massa," said Pete
when you go out duek-shocting and kill one
duck and wound another, don you run after
the wounded duck?'
Yes, Fete,'' and the master wondered what
was coming next
well, massa, dat is de way wild you and
me. De debbil has got you sure but as he
am not sure of me, be chases dis chile ell the
time
Had FORGOTTEN SOMETHING. ~ say cap'n
said litte-eyed man as he landed from the
steamboat at Naches-
II say, cap'n, this ere amt all. u
That's all the baggage you brought on
board, sir, replied the captain.
We'll, see, now, its according to list-four
boxes. three chests, two ban boxes, portman-
y, two hams, lone part CUT three ropes Of liz
yyo1s' and teakettle but I'm dubersom. |
Ieel there's something short though I've
counteG EN- nine times, and never took my
Eyes OH Nv en- while on board; there's some
thing not right somehow" ~ 49,
,"Well, stranger, the times m There's al
know of; SO bring up your wife and five chill
dren out OF the cabin and we re off"
Them uml them's um II he exclaimed
1 knowed I'd forgot something '''-'o''