The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1872-09-05
VARIETIES.

cause It's a'IlrlDg (attlrlng) yourself.
1t is sound policy to suffer all extremi-
ties rather than do base action.
To become the lion of party, it is not
necessary to make beast Of ones self.
Is it allowable. when man buys new
hat, that he gets one for his mob?
When a mans face turns as yellow as a
guinea, he is said to have a rich complexion.
| A bad marriage is like an electrical ma
chine, 1t makes you dance, but you can't let
go.
Mamma" said little boy, who had been
sent to dry towel before the fire, sis it done
when it's brown!'
OF a man who recently died, it is said, Ellis
name will be remembered wherever his deeds
and mortgages are known"
Life, according to the Arab proverb is
composed of two parts, that which is past,
dream and that which is to come. wish
lady widowed by the Chicago conhagra-
tion has been recently remarked. Her sec
ond husband calls her his relic of the late
fire.
Aberdeen will not have its School Board
too soon. A pupil being asked what "a. M"
stood for, responded with alacrlty, "Amen. !"
dispute as to what was trumps was set
tied by one gentleman turning up a spade,
and violently shifting his opponent there
with.
young lady about to be married says she
will not promise to Glove, honor, and obey, -
but, instead, "Iove, honor, and be gay"
A sage says it is with old bachelors as with
old wood-it is hard to get them started,
but, when they do take flame, they burn
proaigiously.
! Mental rest, physical exercise, pure air,
sunshine, bathing sufficient for cleanliness,
and pure water are the remedies for over
J study.
A rural reporter says that a procession
timed its steps to ''duloet tones Of the mellow
drum" "Mellow drum" is novel and sweet.
The following appears in statuarys shop,
linear the Pere la Chaise cemetery, Paris "To
Let, on account of change of residence, a
handsome family vault"
"Grandma,'' said a shrewd child, $40 you
want some sugar-candy ~ Eyes, dear, l
should like some." ''Then, if you'll buy
some, I'll give you half" said Polly.
The Wyoming Journal publishes the follow
Ing in its advertising rates "Fees for mar
riage Dotices as high as the ecstasy and lib
erality of the bridegroom may prompt"
For persons who are able to walk two OF
more miles at time, walking is better than
riding. The walking should be done briskly.
The diet should be plain and unstimulating
Said a youngster in high glee, displaying
bis purchases to a bosom friend in the street
1.-TWO cocoa-nuts for five-pencc! That will
make me i'll tomorrow, and won't have tc
go to school,"
A Chicago paper says, "There have been -four
hundred and seven babies published in this
city since the ire--three hundred and eleven
OF them female. Hail to the new She cargo!''
A Western damsel has framed the verdict
a jury gave her in suit for breach of prom.
Use Of marriage, and hung it conspcuously in
her parlor as frighttul warning to all trir-
lers.
" hope you have no objection to my get
ting weighed ?" said husband to his wife.
Certainly not, my dear; but why ask the
question:" "Only to see, my love, if you
would let me have my way for once"
'Mrs. Mifin," said a visitor, Emma has
your features, but think she has got her
fathers hair" "Oh, now 1 see," said the
"dear little Emma" tits because 1 have
fathers hair that he has TO wear a wig"
! witness in the Court of Common Pleas
lately gave her name as Elizabeth Martha
seliena Georgiana Augusta Cuban Burrows
This, she said, "was her Chris tendon name,
but she did not in general write it in full"
An excellent old deacon, who having won
a fine turkey at charity rattle, didn't like to
tell bis severe orthodox wife how he came
by it, quietly remarked, as he handed her the
turkey, that the "Shakers" gave it to him.
quiet man rang his neighbours doorbe
one night. els the gentleman in ?" he asked
Of the servants. 81 don't know. Did Won
wish to see him particularly ?" ooh, no! 7
merely wanted to tell him his house is on
fire"
Herr Bulcw, the pianist, is to perform in
San Francisco in the autumn, and the Morn-
ing Bulletins musical critic says: "Man
wants great deal, Herr Bulow, and wants