Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1872-01-04
Vol. XVIII. Whole No. 1886. No. |.
Odds and Ends.

Maid of money-A spinster heiress.
Not at homc'-An out-and-out lie.
Tae end OF a candle-To give light.
Elevated buildings-C,stles in the air.
One key to Irish grievances s-Whis-
KEY.
\ oose-paper-A marriage certif-
cate.
:. Cat music is done purr-pu,s-ly isn't
An early riser-The man with short
temper
II all s'uh'- What is3 Why, dyspep-
Fits peculiar to professional n.or,.-
bene fits. pe"p'0-
Objects de gout'-People with ~.
gout.
If all flesh is grass, is hay beef = 10
moved!
Low would you like to sit on juryr
asked a gentleman of "a strong minded old
maid. Id as soon sit on q hatchet,'
said the spinster, with q shake Of her
bombazine skirt.
\ gentleman havin. just lost his wife
visited friend; and being asked how
long he would remain in town, answer.
ed: On. Tor about fortniyht-lopg
enough TO spend the honey moon Of nv
widowhood.
man who has recently had his tomb
stone erected in Greenwood. to be ready
Tor him when he needs it, has engraved
on it these words: What spent had;
what saved | lost; what I gave
have
Linen collars have been almost entire
" superseded by tulie or muslin ru fHes
round The neck and hand We can saw
therefore with truth that most of the la
dies how-a-days put ON a great many
trilis.'
y thoughtful DAnburv lady puts lard
on the stoop when she wants her hus-
band to stay home OF an evening. Bar
ring an hour or so devoted to rubbing
his back, the time is pleasantly occu-
pied.
~ mcnagcrie in Indianapolis a
small iioacss escaped from her cage,
and The chief of police went 10 the ton
ot the centrc pole in five minutes. He
j. reported now as saving that he went
up there just tor tnn, 10 decide a bet.
What would ypu 10 if mamma should
dIc: asked Indy with whom We
nave the honor OF an intimate acquain-
lance, ota little three car-nld- girl that
we wonIin take / hundred dollars for.
We'll, mamma. wa the melancholy re-
spouse. i Sposc ,lpuld have 10 spank
nyscH'
Down-caSt they have again cauoht
l.hl shark which ha> u Oil ring in his
~Innarh-on tins time thc dowu-east
cr~ ought to decide whether the ring be-
InnS~ e. the shark, or the shark. like
other sharks belonged % the ring "
y Post.
WLrburfon draws n very Just ,iiscrius
ma Ioh between mfn OF true greatness
and IL mcdi"crlst. IT. SAYS he, won
want I" recommend Yourself to the for
hIef, itNe are tntt he quits your society
WI good opinion ot YOU; il your Oh
Jtti l. I" please the latter, take care that
If irate, YOU with good opiuion of
himself
lhl~ Item is from. valuable agricul-
tn'u l'urnai: Don't let YOUR cattle
stray they VIII wander to the most
mE-terIouS places. We once saw a
COW hide IN "A shuc-uaker'. shoD.
W hen Connecticut deacon nndged
a >oinnoIcut wOr>hIpper with the sub
9crip'ioE box, the sleepy individual
h"oke partially, smiled, murmured Il
doh smoke. and dcoppcd of again.
Horace Greeley wrote: Women now
manage most OF The public lorarie. in
MASSACHUSETTS, and the compositor read
ii; w omen how woIrs most OF their
public ba, les by mastication.'
y New York politician in writing a
letter ot condolemcc to The widow OF a
country member who had been his
mend, says: 4 an panied TO hear that
-iia. gone TO heaven. We were
bosom friends, but now we shall never
meet again.
Chri,iiansbnrg, Va, is in ecstacies
over venerable turkey gobbler VINO
ha~ huiit ior hlInSelt nest and ia now
eraVely sitting upon tour apples IL is
presumed that his action i. intended As
a grave satire upon the womau's rights
business.
y Republican paperin Louisiana states
ted for Washington city for the purpose
Il i supposed, Of drawing his mileage
and per diem, Il, that is the ouh duly
incumbent upon Congressman which he
could possibly petiOrm.'
y Rhode Island man has been arre,-
ted ON Two railroads tor attempts to OBJ
struct their tracks. His excuse was that
he had To take IA log ol wood home, and
IL the State i, not big enough Tor him to
lay down a load lit ii without blocking
all the railroads, the faults lies with
,OmcOdy besides him.
Al recent suit At law in Central CITY.
Ioi. between two Cinnamon, All How
ana len Son Yankee, the parties insis-
ttu upon being sworn according to the
= lheHe custom, VIZ, bringing chick
en- into court aud cutting of its head.
he Judge as>euIed, but would not fur
Hi|h the chicken, aud the suit fell
through.
y itt!y thing in a Sabbath school was
asked bN her teacher ii She ALWAYS said
her pta, ers night and morning? No,
ml>>, don't Why, MARY! are Won
hpt airald 10 go 10 sleep in thn dark
without asking God TO take care of YOU.
and watch over Hou uil morning" No,
MiS-, l aln't-ctuse | s,cep in the mid
die
lhe Louisville Courier Journal thus
cruelty >tiirlzes the TRASHY poeiical eflu-
>lohs The GRAND Duke suffered under
When III this city:
All hail, bully boyi The undersigned ass
Ana t'e rest oi the asses here, solid as one
Would iicN J"ur Imperial boots as we pass
ehiid "a yVuf mothcri d son OF n aunI
The liIigants in suit which had occu-
pied the al ention of the Court of Com.
mon Pleas III Hartford for severa! days
oecame impatient at the delay OF the iu-
~ Ia deciding upon the merits OF the
case and i'll u few minutes amicaDly set
tied oy themselves he matter in dispute
oy walking oil arm i'll arm while Twelve