The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1872-02-02
THAT BABE.

MIS-. w lillllcIS Was plSN'y iieIiS
married woman Ofsome TWO or three
years standing, with charmingly
winning manner, which instantane-
ously captured the hearts of all ma lie
bipeds who approached.
/ call Mrs. Whiffters pretty, though
her features were not correct when
tried by the standard of classical
beauty, because of one smile which
always Lit up her face and transfused
it with a subtle magnetic power of
attraction there was no resisting.
Strange, almost incredible as it may
appear, she was no less favOrite
with women than with men !;
whether it was on account of her in
tense womanlinesS, her ready SYM
pathy with all questions of dress, her
omnisembracing charity, or some
more mystic and profound chord OF
nature, is fact whose solution must
be left to some abysmal psychologist.
But, although delighting to walk
on the Avenue in the glory of be-
witching costumes, adapted to dazzle
and bewilder masculine eyes, and as
fond of afternoon performances at the
theatres as if she were born in the
city which country editors think it
funny to call Gotham, her mind and
all its constituent parts were wrapped
up in two objects. One of these eb-
jects was about six feet high, with
red whiskers, blue eyes and brown
hair, answering to the name of Jack
Whiffters. 1t kissed her every morn
ing with much JUNCTION, and then
departed downtown" that mysteri-
GUS bourne from which so many
travellers ne'er return, save with
empty pockets. Mr.. Whiffters, how
ever, was sustained by the unfaltering
trust universally placed III him, and
his better-half never knew an un-
gratified wish-to be sure, her wishes
were always moderate. The ether
object which shared her heart was a
pink-faced, large-eyed, bald headed
anomaly, entitled indiscriminately
Jack; Junior (by his father, precious
darling (by his mcther), pooty eetie
sing (by bread-and-butter young
ladics), the nuisance (by Mr.. Whiff-
ters' bachelor brother), and that Baby
(by Miss Maria Quilts.
Almost holding it as fOrtieth artl-
Gle, that her baby was the wisest,
ilandsomest and altogether the most
remarkable Of its species that had
ever hOnored the earth by appearing
on its surface, Mrs. Whiftters was ac-
customed, when speaking of it, to
withdraw the spigot of discretion
from the barrel OF love, and so deluge
her friends with its praises that they
sometimes vaguely wondered how IL
was possible so small body could be
such q gignatic boIs.
With mothers Hnd young ladies
who were SO young, it was OF course
an entirely different thing; they were
never weary of inquiring and hear.
ing about the last tooth, or OF watch
ing the infants mentally tottering
steps on the road toward intelligence
1t was the young ladies who were moi
young that condemned the beautiful
exhibition of tender mothers art
/ less love. and wished Mrs. 'fhiffters
to understand that her baby was nO-
so very different from those of Othel
people, since ali infants looked alike
Chief among these ammoniaca
critics of the boarding house was th'
Miss Maria Quilts already referred to
tough, wiry virgin of some five o.
eight and thirty years, as pear a
could be guessed by one who durs
not penetrate the Eleusinian myster
les of her front" She had a room
above that of Mrs. Whiffters, ant
there occupied a good portion of he
| time in the chaSte solemnitieS of he
toilet. 1t would be slander to say tina
! she was angling for a husband, but l
looked remarkably suspicious tina
when Mr.. 'POtters, the theological
student came to the house, she Wa
greatly troubled about free will ant
predestination and sought his advlc
with much assiduity. He was weak
eyed, flabby young man, and on on
occasion was heard TO tell her, con
fidentialiy, that he thought st. Pau
somewhat mistaken in his ideas abou
women. AT which she smiled graC
iously.
Day by day Miss Quilts and tn
student became more friendly, an
from discussing ST. Paul and woIne
in the abstract, had now come dow
l-or ascenGed, as the reader may pre-
fer-to considering the representatlv
of all that is fair and graceful in he
condition of wife.
"sh,r sighed Maria, with a sid'
long glance so arch that it nearly CAV
her strabismus, what men need
which they rarely have sense enoug
to desire-when they marry, Is
woman competent TO take charge OF
household and administer it with thu
fidelity and economy which unhapp
| ly are only too rare. So many, a
tracted by giddy frivolity and til
gleam of an evanescent stimulation
take to themselves as partners sill.
empty-headed girls, that sometime
tremble for the future of my belovC
| country. 1t is seldom that We me-
one of those perfectly assorted coupl
where the inexperience of the hu
band is tempered by domestic know
edge of the wife, and the many Ini
takes of the male are alleviated |
the wider experience of the female
As can be perceived, Miss Mar
/. used choice language; her favori
author was johnson.
r Mr.. Potters thought this smacked
little of woman's rights, subject
which he had a perennial horrer ev
since he had been called to accou
for the unlucky st. Paul by feroclo
70 nondescript who wore trousers al