Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1872-02-08
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS.
Aput-up job.-An auction.

credit.
Farmers SOW wheat; their wives sew
tares. |
What is larger for being cut at both
ends "A ditch.
Penmakers are a bad lot. They
make people steel pens, and then they
say they do write.
Four cenvicts, one a murderer,
broke Jail at Princeton, Indiana, Sat
urday, and are still at large.
At Philadelphia the small -pox
deaths fer the week ending Saturday,
were III, decrease of 80 deaths al d
100 cases.
The Republican State Convention
of North Carolina meets at Raleigh |
April II, and the Conservative Con
vention at Greensboro, May /.
A Connecticut school boy has writ
ten a composition on the horse. in
which he says it is an animal having
feur legs, ''one at each corner
A bachelor is described by n ember
of the Sorosis as a man who has
neglected his opportunity of making
some woman miserable.
If you don't look carefully after the
bits of your horse, you may one day
be looking after the bits ofyour wagon.
1t is said that if you take two let
ters from money, there will be one
left. We have heard of man who
took money from two letters, and
there wasn't any left.
A colored gentleman, aged SO, was
lately married in Mobile, and express
ed his intention of finding some locali-
ty in Texas where he could 60 into
business and grow up with the place.
Schoolmistress Ito dull little boy).
'Johnny, I'm ashamed of you. When
/ was your age, l could read twice as
we'll as yOu-can."- johnny, ayes
IN but you had a different teacher
from what I've got.''
At a recent leap year party in Allan
ia the young ladies showed their man
illness by having the following notices
in conspicuous places: 1--WE mean
business" "Now is our chance" !"
"Waiting is tedious"
Equity eyed monster" is what ap
peared in the paper of a Tennessee
editor who wrote with respect, 'pretty
aged minister" The sons of the min
lister interviewed the editor the next
morning with shot-guns.
There appears to be nothing so de-
structive to human life as empty fire
arms. A pistol or gun which every
one believes to be unloaded is very
likely to GO off in some miraculous
manner and kill somebody, and as a
rule ought to be feared more than when
known to be loaded.
An Oregon paper SAYS: "John B.
Peak ran off with Benton county
girl and married her, for which he was
prosecuted in the Circuit Court at Cor
wallis Iastweek but the jury got sight
of the pretty wife whom he got hv the
operation and unanimously voted that
they would have done it too
A gentleman in the vicinity Of Phil
adelphia recently lost his wife, and a
correspondent states that young miss
of six, who came to the funeral, said
to his little daughter of about the same
age, "Your pa will marry again, won't
hep" "Oh! yes" was the reply
'.but not until after the funeral"
An economical Iowan, who had q
toothache, determined to remove his
tooth in the Indian fashion. Accord
ingly he bent down Il sap,ing in the
woods, lay, down himself, and attach
ed a stout cord TO his tooth and the
sappling. Then he touched the spring
and the next thing he knew he had
jumped over grove of about forty
small trees, and was trying to get out
of small pond that he happened to
alight in.
The story comes from France tha
a beautiful but strong minded lady
living in Boulogne sent challenge tC
the publisher of humorous journal
who had ''twice concerned himself will
her private affairs" A formal accep
tance of the duel was returned, thu
choice of arms was waived, but de
cided preference for those of the lady
herself was expressed. Reconciliation
followed, and the wedding trip to thu
United States.
AAo 10 AhS way lhSl ACDOlG S'Il bI
tempt at robbery in California. "Afte
walking half block the sport sudden
lystopped and asked Mr.. Jackson if b
had anything with him. Without any
hesitation Mr.. jackson pointed TIVE
revolvers at the sport and asked hin
which he would prefer. The repl,
was that he did not want anything t,
do with him. jackson would not wall
as fast as the other man did, and con
sequently had to go to his hotel alone
The latest wrinkle in ladies' fashion,
is to have an artist draw an imitation
wrinkle in each corner of the mouth
where the mirthful lines appear wher
smiling. This gives to the counte
nance pleasing expression, that be
fore required an effort on the part o
the lady, and often damaged her ell
amel Now, while on the promenade
or in the home circle, by a sligh
touch of India ink. n woman may pos
sess an exterior as smiling and hrigh
as that she wore on her wedding day
though at heart she is as crusty AM
sour as a hotel clerk who has all tn
jewelry he can wear and nothing lef
to live for.