The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1872-03-08
Humorous.

Out in Montana the cold has been so
intense that whiskey has bad to be sold
by the stick.
A man has been fined five dollars and
costs at Seymour, Indiana, "merely
for attempting to hang boy"
The Portland Press makes the as
founding announcement that the popu-
latiOn of that city is increasing at the
rate of three lawyers week.
A st. Louis woman, over six feet in
height, recently married man who is
but four feet nine. When she wishes
to kiss him she has to stand him on
chair.
In the absence of other competent au-
thority, Georgian performed the mar
riage ceremony at his own wedding.
Other people generally marry their
wives; he married himself.
An Ohio paper mentions q housewife
in that State of such extraordinary
neatness that she scrubbed her kitchen
floor until she fell through into the
cellar.
There are trees so tall in Missouri
that it takes two men and boy to look
to the top of them. One looks until he
| gets tired and another commences
where he left off.
A Tennessee woman'S paper has terms
thus singularly graduated: "Three dol
lars year to men 81 so to unmarried
workingmen; seventy five cents TO
women with lazy husbands to support"
A cheerful giver put the following
| note in pair of pautaloons sent to the
Michigan sufferers "There, take 'em;
last pair I've got don't get burned out
| again."
An exchange says: Nobody has
| fallen from a balloon for week back"
| We should think it wouldn't be very
good for weak back if there had.
Mrs. Dougherty, of Kentucky, W ho
jocularly gave loaded pistol to her
grandchild and told him to shoot, was
surprised to find herself dead immedi-
ately atterward.
A disorderly person in Rochester
claimed exemption from arrest the
other night, on the ground that he was
"the driver Of the small poX express"
His claim was promptly allowed by the
officer.
A pious burglar in Massachusetts had
his life saved from an invaded house
holders bullet the other night by BIZ
BILE which he carried in his breast pocket.
The case rather puzzles the especial
providence" parsons.
Somebody said that the biographical
sketch by the elder Grant of the life of
his illustrious son in the Ledger, was
the worst attempt made by father
upon the life of his son, since the days
of Abraham.
An unknown man fell down a forty
/ nFnnininA paflrsnn xNr',i Ia
drunk. A man who ran to gather up
his homes, found him alive, and inquir.
ed, ,"Are you hurt ?" "You're N 'fernal
liar ~ was the answer.
An excellent old deacon who, having
won a fine turkey at a charity rattle,
didn't like to tell his severe orthodox
wife how he came by it, quietly re-
marked as he handed her the fowl, that
the "Shakers" gave it to him.
Wisconsin paper states that a little
girl, eight years old, is begging on the
streets of Oshkosh, with a paper that
certides that "the bearer is a widow
with five children, in destitute circum-
stances"
A simple mode OF avoiding the spread
of smallpox has been discovered in
Alabama. They let the patient die
safely by himself; hire negro to bury
him and shoot the negro as so as the
interment is finished.
A gentleman in Chicago, who was ar
rested for cruelty to a miserable look
ing horse, was asked if he ever fed him
"Ever fed him that's good un," was
the reply. "He's got a bushel and a
half OF oats at home now, only he ain't
got time to eat 'em.'