The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1872-11-09
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

overheard telling another urchin Ill irate tones +;
ooh go home and battle your head yer brain
is losing its fertility and needs moisture. Ills
mother was soon after seen busting the seat OF
his pants with single
A. Jordan, editor Of the Grundy Herald, is one
ofths abIest orators over ten years of age in the
entire "kingdom of Grundy." At a recent pub.
lie DEMONSTRATION in his native village, Morris,
he.was aroused from his ham, sandwich and cof-
fee,-it was some sort of cornwall occasion,
about repairing the Jail, or putting up more
substantial hog pound,-when he arose and,
while one of his lily white hands rested in his
robust bosom, and the other pointed upward and
trembed admonlshingly towards the moon, said
"Gentlemen, morbid desire for originality
prevents me from saying, This is the proudest
moment of my life, and it does not occur to me
to say anything else"
He sat down, and the audience, as one man,
arose and-lett.
According to the following, it would seem
necessary TO fish for trout with pair of scales,
not to weigh the fish, out the place you catch
'em in.
An exchange says: This is the fifth trout
caught this yer from the same hole, the total
weight OF which is six pounds." Good, says the
Ottaw. Citizen, now we know what u hole
weighs.
Our readers need not weep over the following
unless they want ;o
A girl at Washburn. Ill.,, fred a pistol into
the mouth OF an infant, Il few days ago, with ia
tai effect This atrocious careleSsncss of the in
FAINT in pointing its mouth toward pistol should
be severely condemned.
a learned contemporary informs thusly:
Thirty-two thousand seeds were once counted
in the head of poppy.
Any one doubling this easily settle the
matter by getting full grown ripe poppy.head
and counting the seeis,-some morning before
breakfast.
Sane people never can appreciate serenade.
For Instance:
The young man on Olive street, who thinks he
has fine tenor voice. was vaccinated with
brickbat by s!eepess neighbor, last night.-St.
L0u1s Globe.
1t is y pity that when pious editor feels re.
lgiously inclined that he can't get sufficient
conveueucles to enable him TO 20 to church. As
for instance:
The Clinton I'aJlic complains of the sections
of the churches not riug ing the church bells ear,
ly enough on Sunday morning to awaken him
from his sleep.
The only horses at Chicago that have not be.
co,ac victims Of the "Epzootic" or "horse Intlu.
enza,' are lie iron horses of the railroads, saw
and clothes horses, and horseradish.
They have mild tempered specimen of the
American of African scent down ct Blooming.
ton, who is q man and brother, as we'll as a
man snd a voter. Going home from town one
evening lately he concluded he would have lit
tie musement. He forced his horses to 60
through hedge. The thorns on the Usage hurt
them and caused them to vince and jump. This
little lispleGsure or annoyance on their part, Mr..
Pompey Smash, their amiable master, proposed
to cure them of. He used mild argument,
merely the whifiietree on the head of one horse
until that animal fell dead. He then tied the
other horse up to the fence and cut its throat.
He boasts of the transaction, and swears lie will
not keep" horses what won't hey o'ode,s." Yer.
lily, he who says that the negro has no rights is
liar, horse thief &c, &c.
When Speaker Bain made his speech in Mil
waukee he allowed the chairman to introduce
him as the "next president after Grant"
AS Grant has that position for life, and is a
younger man than Blan the latter's chances for
being president look rather thin.
We commend the following to the 'strait.outs.'
from the Clinton Register:
A straight-out democrat is defined az n man
who marches straight out of the democratic into
the radical camp.
The above named paper further discourses:
l9ating bullock lately threw thirteen cars
on the Great Western railroad, England, down
an em6ankment. That's nothing. Down in
Georgia Bullock threw state-railroads and
all-in,o bankruptcy.
Does not the item below suggest the idea Of
cruelty to animals that is if mosquitoes .re
animals:
An exchange gets off the following: AtStrat.
ford, Connecticut where the mosquitoes aro 40
thick SIS a fog, lives Nh ingenious Yankee. 80
they say believe it who may who puts these in.
sects TO profitable uses He las invented , lar,.o
scoop net, covered with lnee, which is put in
motion by Windmill, voter power or steam.
Inc lower half of the scoop is placed in water.
the upper h"f moves through the air. and A.
each rotation draws immense rr,,,ors &c a..
mosquitoes down into the water, where thew
drown and sink TO the bottom. Every rovoIn.
tion draws IN an ounce Of MOSQUITOES or , to,