The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1872-09-28

re-chrlstened suffer-rlnE.
HUMAN constancy two fools promising
to make straight journey over crooked
road
WORLDLY friendships are like coffee
grOunds the oftener they are drawn upon
the weaker they grow.
" thy conscience smite thee once, il is
an admonition /; if it smite thee twice, il is
condemnation.
those who bear many crosses without
crossness ars stronger than Samson and
wiser than Solomon.
AN experienced boy says he regards hun
ger and the Christening rod as about the
same thing, They both make him holler
BILLINGS aayn. !" There mir't ANYTHING
that will kompletely kure lazyness, but /
have known a seckond wife to hurry it
sum."
A BosrON paper states that society for
the protection Of children with bare legs
from the cruelty Of mothers, il soon u ~
established in Boston.
I STEEL your heart" said considerate
father to his son, for you are nov going
among some fascinating girls" 3" ] had
much rather steal theirs, said the unprom-
ising young man.
| A BOX containing black bear was re-
ceived at an express office IN san Fran
CISCO the other day outside was this in
scription Black bare Ell YOU don't
want to get bit kepe your fingers out of the
crax."
| MY face and heart will wear many A scar
and wrinkle before the arrival of Autumn
However bright the sunset Of my evening,
the storms OF the morning will leave thslr
lingering tears to glitter on the leaves
"A LADY at Bridgeport, Conn, remained
too long on a train To kiss a friend and
trying to get of after il had started. was
thrown violently on her face. IF ever /
kiss anybody again " said she, vengefully
as she arose any woman, at least she
thoughtfully added
THAT was a very tender hearted man.
near Pittsburgh, who, on being told that
his wife, who had left the house only an
hour before, was drowned, and that her
body was found mile or 81 below. said.
s. She must have fioated down right lively
OLD Scotch lady "Takea snuff. sir
Gentleman with large nasal promontory.
Indignantly: Do | look like a smufFerr
Old lady, Well, ] Gamma jist say yuu
do, though l mann say We hae grand ac-
commodations.
LAWYER How do You identify this
handkerchief T. Witness 81 By its gen
eral appearance, and the fact that nave
others like it, Lawyer That's no
proof, for | have one Just like 10 in my
pocket" Witness don't doubt that
i had more of the same sort stolen"
JOSH Billings says when was lit
tie boy and wore naked feet, and was loaf
ing around loose for strawberrys, | was Of
tentlmes Just agoln to step on a striped
snaik, but Ut alwuE cured me ov strawber-
rys. IL a striped Enaik GOT isatc n 104alrn.
lot before ! did, | alvuz konsdered that aIl
the strawberrys in that lot belonged tev
the snaik
A LITTLE five year old boy vas beiu.
instructed in morals by his grandmother
The old lady told him that AT such term.
as g by golly, by jingo . by thunder.
etc, we're only little oaths, and but little
better than other profamties III fact. shr
said, he could tell profane oath by the
prefix by" All such were nath-
Well, then. grandmother, said the little
hopeful, rs by telegraph, which ] see
in the newspapers, swearing ' " Nu.
said the old lady, " that's only lying
One hot Sunday a Western Methods
minister observed that the majority NJ his
congregation were wrapped IN placid
slumber. Suddenly pausIng III bis sermon.
he requested Deacon S. tu pass the
plate. The deacon, thus accosted. rose r9
his feet, and, with A very red face said
Z" The collection has already been taken
up"
" Never mind, Brother B.. re-
piled the minister take up another, fen
| intend to make the congregation pay fnr
lodgings as well as spinn.I food
When the second cul,,tlon had been
taken up, the cungegatuu .u, very vide
awake, indeed.
PAT --, having been impaneled wv
a case, was, with the rest Of the Jury, can
toned by the Judge as they we're about On
adjourn for dinner, not to speak w them
concerning the case IN progress Pat was
impressed with this warning On turning
the first corner heencountered Mike Fl
who wanted to speak TO HIM about digging
well. Pat gave him Wild glance and
passed on Mike followed him. and sei.
ing him by the arm, said
Man alive what Is the matter with
You Are you crazy l'
Pat freed himself from Mikes vice-h like
grasp, and planting a terrible blow between
Mikes eyes hurried home to his frugal
meal His troubled look alarmed hiS
wife.
In the name of all the saints. Patrick
dear, what's the matter with NJ f
He made no reply, but, shaking his head
looked more distressed than ever, and com
menced eating in hurried and most vorl-
cious manner. She ran to a neighbor's To-
have him come and see her husband A.
they entered the back door, Pat shot put
at the front. The neighbor followed Pat
started on the run, reached the courtroom
four lengths ahead, and ensconced himself
in the lury-boX, greatly relieved. 4 uo
ment after court was re-Opened Id came
poor Mike, both peppers closed accompa
MED by Constable Hosgland with a vrtfni
Pat. Not dAring.tO serve process there
the officer called the attention of the sher.
if TO the matter. The sheriff. i'll turn. NV
titled the judge. The Judge asked Pat wv
explain. Pat rose with trepidation and
, said
May it plaze yer honor, didn't you ten
us not 70 spake to anyone, nor allow any.
one to spake wild us and sure Mike VA
bound to spake to me, and the only way
could get out Of it was 70 give him mild
} whack between the eyes-fur wasn't
} bound to obey the orders of the court o.
of course he was. The Judge VIA.
J sound, and Pat was allowed II ". A.
i desartless man. and permitted 10 q,
his ways
1 A Curious Suit.
A amt for a hrannh 1f ......a..-. - =. -