Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1872-11-28
Mark Twain In London.

persons present did not know that an,
distinguished guest was present until thi.
unusual invitation 10 fill glasses was given.
Tho necessity eff repairing to the theatres
has made it the rule that there shall be ne
toasts or speeches TO prolong the dinL.r.
except at Christmas or anniversary ban,
quet. All now set themselves 10 know
what was up. ISole then said: 1--WE
have at table Marx Twain" Atthese
words q roar OF cheers arose, and for some
moments the din was indescribahle
Toolc then proceeded in a peniteut way
TO confess that for a year or two he had
been cribbing from Mark Twain in "A way
that must now, he feared, suffer a humili.
ating exposure. When now and then he
had INDUCED in an innocent gag" he
had had friends rush to Kim behind the
scenes or on the streets with "Toole. that
was capital; your own, | suppose?' Now
invariably when he had been SO greeted
the thing happened to be Mark Twain's.
SO all he could say was, 'Oh-ah-well
-ahem-glad you liked It," He could
not exactly make ont how il was, but
when he did put in a bit of originality, his
friends seemed very rarely to com and
inquire whether il was his W or not.
Toole's detercntial gravity and innocent
look IS always amusing, but his fooling in
this speech was unusually funny.
When Mark Twain arose, the contrast
between him and the clever, comic actor
beside him was singular. The one Is
small, with a jolly, blooming counter.
ance, full of quickneSs, eve ever on the
alert; the American tall, thin, grave, with
something of the look of u young divinity
student fallen among w0rldlings. Being
one OF the savages, | have the happiness
Of laying before your readers Twain's
speech, of which the Londoners are in
hopeless ignorance, but, alas, it loses
much by being transferred to paper. In
its proper setting, related oitsimmediate
environment, and delivered with a sol
emn n dry suavity, quite indescribable,
1t struck others present besides myself as
the best atter'dinner speech we had ever
heard. The speaker had on fun evening
dress-sWatloW tail coat, white crayat,
and all that-to wear which to the club
dinner calls down upon the wenrer con
siderable chat, until 1t be meekly apol-
ogi2ed for, The fact will explain the
opening sentences of Twain's speech,
which were uttered with depreciating
luwiiness.
MIR. Chairman and gentlemen he
began, ''it affords me sincere pleasure to
meet this distinguished club, club which
has extended its hospitalitics and its
cordial welcome to SO many of my coun-
trSmen. | hope"-and here the speakers
voice became low and tluttcring-''you
will excuse these clothes. ! am going to
the theatre; that will explain these clothes.
! have other clothes than these. judging
human nature by what ! have seen of it,
| suppose that the customary thing for Il
stranger TO do when he stands here is TO
make q pun OF the name of this club,
under the impression, of course, that he
is the first man that That idea has occur
red TO. 1t is a credit to our human mn,
ture, not a blcm'7h upon it; for il shows
that underlying all our depravity tand
God knows, and you know we are dc.
PRAYED enough and all our sophistica-
ton, and u%ntarnishcd by them, there ia a
sweet germ Of innocence and simplicity
still. When a stranger says to me, with
a glow of inspiration in his eye, some
gentle innocuous little thing about Twain
and 'enc flesh, and all that sort Of thing,
don't try to crush that man into the
earth-no. ] feel like saying. Let me
take You by the hand, sir; let me embrace
you; ! have not heard that pun for weeks
We will deal in palpahle puns. We will
call parties named King your majesty,
and we will shy 10 the Smiths that We
think we have heard that name before
somewhere. Such is human nature. We
cannot alter this. 1t IL God that made
us so for some good and wise purpose.
Let us not repine. But though | may
seem strange, may seem eccentric, | mean
to refrain from punning upon the
name of this club, though !
could make Il very good one if |
had time to think about it-a week. !
cannot express to you what entire enjoy.
ment ! find in this first visit to this pro.
digious metropolis of yours. It's wonders
seem TO me TO be limitless, ] 80 about rs
in a dream-as in a realm Of enchant.
~ment-where many things are rare and
beautiful, and all things are strange and
marvellous, Hour after hour ] stund-I
stand spell bound, as it wCre-and gaze
upon the statuary in Leicester square.
Great laughter~Leicester square berg a
horrible chaos. with the relic of an .QEes-
trian statue in the centtr, the king being
headless and limblcss, and the horse in
tuary eiiigies Of noble old Henry the
IAlEhtlY hlti JuIGt JtAItNE q, anu l4it pre-
served gorilla, aud try to make up my
mind which Of my ancestors ! admire the
most. ! go to that matchlcss Hyde Park
and drive all around it, and then / start
to enter il at the marble aTch-aHd-am
induced TO ''change my mind Cabs arc
not permitted in HYDE Park-n0thing
less aristocratic than a private carriagc,
ut is a great benGfactiOn-is Hyde Park.
Nh, Ia, 1t. 1Na..p ~. d.. s...ft IN LY
go-the poor sad child If misfortune
and insert his between the ratings,
and breathe the pure. health-giying sir Of
the country, and of heaven. And ii he is
a swell invalid. who isn't obliged To de
pend upon parks for his country air, he
can drive inside-it he owns bis vehicle.
] drive round and round Hyde Park, and
the more | see Of the edges Of it, the more
grateful I am that the margin is exten-
siyo.
And ! have been to the Z~oological
Gardens. What q wonderful Dlace that
isl ! never have seen such p curious and
interesting variety OF wild animals in any
garden before, except "Alabjllc.h ] never
believed before there were 80 many differ
ent kinds Of animals In the world ~ you
can ind tbere-and ! don't believe il yet.
Ihaye been TO the British Museum. !
would advise you to drop in there some
time when you have nothing to do-for
five minutes-if you have never been
there. II seems to me tho noblcst monu.
ment that this nation has yet erected TO
her greatness. ! say TO her, our greatness
as a nation. True, she has built other
monuments, and stately oncs az well, but
these she has uplifted in honor II two or
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