Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1872-06-28
- .vEI.gD.y FUNERAL.

lDCIC WIS Il ETluu lllIlc over BUCK ran
shaw when he died. lie was a representa-
tive citizen. He had "killed his mani
not in his own quarrel, 1t is true, but in The
defense OF q stranger beset by numbers
He had kept sumptuous saloon. He had
been the proprietor OF dashing bel meet,
whom he could have discarded without the
formality of a divorce. He had held Il
high position in the fire department, and
had been a very Warwick in politics. When
he died there was great lamentaton
throughout the town, but especially in the
vast bottom stratum of society.
On the inquest it was shown that Buck
Fanshaw, in the delirium of a wasting ty-
phoid fever, had taken arsenic, shot him
self through the body, cut his throat and
Jumped out Of four-stOry window and
broken his neck and after due delibera-
ton the jury, sad and fearful, but with in
telligence unblinded by its sorrow, brought
in verdict of death "by the visitation of
God" What could the world do without
juries?
PIodigious preparations were made for
the funeral. All the vehicles in the town
were hired, and all the saloons were put in
mourning, all the municipal and fire COM
panv flags were hung at half-mast. and all
the firemen ordered to muster in uniform,
and bring their machines duly draped in
black.
Regretfu resolutions were passed and
various committees were appointed; a.
mong others, a committee of one was ap-
pointed TO call on a mmister-a fragile.
gentle, spiritual new tledglng from an
eastern theological seminary and as vet
unacquainted with the ways of the mines.
The committeeman, "Scotty" Briggs,
made his visit.
Being admitted to his presence, he sat
down before the clergyman, placed his Ire.
hat ON an unfinished manuscript sermon
under the minister's nose, Il ok from it n
red silk handkerchief, wiped his brow and
heaved sigh of dismal mpressiveness ex-
planatory of his business. lie choked and
even shed tears, but with an effort he mas
tered his voice, and said, in lugubrious
tones -
Are you the duck that runs the gospel
mill next doorY
Am l the-,,pardon me, believe | do
not understandY
With another sigh and half sob Scotty
iejoined:-
why you see, we are in bit of trouble,
the boys thought maybe you'd give us
lift, If we'd tack lie you, that is, If I've got
the rights of it and you are the head clerk
of the doxology works next door,
i am the shepherd in charge of the flock
whose fold is next door,.
Tho which?'
The spiritual advisor Of the little compa-
ny of believers whose sanctuary adjoins
these premises
ScoIty scratched his head, reelected II
moment and then said =
You rather hold over me, pard. | reck-
on L can't call that hand
How? l beg your pardon. What did
understand you 10 say?
well you've rather got the bulge on me-
Or maybe we've both got the bulge, some
how. You don't smoke me and | don't
smoke you. You see one of the boys has
passed Ia his checks, and we want TO give
him good send-oh, and so the thing I'm
on now is to roat ont somebody to jerk out
a little chn-music for us, and waltz him
through handsome.
My friend, ! seem to grow more aud
more bewidered. Your observations are
wholly incomprehenslble TO me. Cannot
you simplify them some wayY AT first /
thought perhaps | understood you, but
now l grope. Would it not expedite mat
ters if you restricted yourself to categorical
statements of fact unincnmbered with OBJ
structing accumulation of metaphor and
allegoryY
Another pause, and more reflection.
Then Scotty said =
IN have to pass, Judge
How
You've raised me out, payd.'
Il still fail TO catch your meaning.
'Why, that last lead of yourn Is too many
for me-thats the idea. | can't neither
trump nor follow suit
The clergyman sank back in his chair
perplexed Scotty leaned his head on his
hand, aud gave himself up 10 reelection.
Presently his face came up, sorrowful
but confident.
1--WE got 1t now, SOS You can sayyy',
said he. what we want is gospel-sharp.
SEQ?
"A what2
'Gospel-sharp, parson.'
'oh ! why did you not say SO before? |
am clergyman-a parson.'
Now you talk You sec my blind, aud
straddle IL like a man. Put 1t there 7 eX-
tending brawny paw, which closed over
the minister's small hand and gave il
shake indicative of fraternal sympathy
and fervent qualification.
Now we are all right, pard. Let's start
fresh. Don't you mind me shufliing lit