The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1872-07-05
DEALER,

SSAS"A" SFsaAs~A ssASAASssSsVy 40 WIZ
latest phrase to designate the quality
of a constitutional liar.
A rare Aower-the pink Of polite
ness.
1t is mctc that man should be we'll
bred.
A New Jersey man writes the name
Of his native town thus: "Sx.' Only
one mail clerk understood it..
Horace Greeley's father was a poor
farmer. So is Horace.
Il will preach from dat portion of
the Scripture, dis evening"" said a
colored dominic, "where de- Postle
Paul pints his 'Pistle at the Pies
ians.'
The name grass widow" is Of French
origin. 1t is derived from the French
grace, and originally meant widow by
| courtesy.
Josh Billings says he never knew a
dog Of any breed whatsumever to take
hyderfoby after he had been thoroughly
vaccinated with buckshot.
A paper says: 1--WE have adopted
the eight-hour system in this Office.
We commence work at eight o'clock in
the morning, and close at eight in the
evening""
Mr.. Jefferson Moon has furnished
the Jonesville Independent a remedy
for the measles, which he pronounces
infallihle. 1t speaks for itself: "Hot
maple surop and good bred and one
raw egg weak, will mock the measles
hire than kite"
The Burlington Free Press says that
"what the country most needs is a
stable Executive. That's what Grant
is-and his stable is built of Seneca
sandstone.
A member of the Wyoming lcgisla-
ture, seeking to sustain point of Or
der, jerked his coat off with "Nlr.
Speaker, if some reliable man will hold
these buds, I'll show him that he is out
Of order" The point was sus-
tanned.
A young man went into a florists
store the other day to buy rosebud
for his afianced. Seventy-6ve cents
was the price asked. "Will it keep"
inquired the young man. "Oh, a long
WHILE" "Then you may keep it."
Exit young man.
James Lane, of California, was re-
Gently shot by treacberous Indian.
When he demanded of bis assailant the
reason Of his act, the noble savage re-
marked: Nc heap crazy! Me too
much crazy!" and disappeared with
great rapidity. 1t is gratifying to note
the adya nee of our red brethren in civil
ization. .
Whenever an Indian is discovered
prowling about a Minnesota village,
they say he is prospecting for lead
and he generally finds it.
A man with $24, 900 in his pocket
was picked up on the street in New
York dead-drunk, and offered to treat
the policeman next morning to a gin
cocktail--a ginuine case Of giner-
osity.
An old Scotch lady was told that her
minister used notes; she disbelieved it.
Said one: go into the gallery and
sec" She did 50, and saw the written
sermon. After the luckless preacher
had concluded his reading on the last
page, he said: "But will not enlarge"
The old woman called out from her
lofty position: Eye Gamma, ye Gamma,
for your papers give oot!"
"Chappaquackery'' is what tie
Rochester Chronicle calls Greeleyism.
The design of this name is to make
Greeley men who attempt to pronounce
it break their jaws.
It was Ulysses who gave that little
letter to Leet by which that enterpris-
ing young thief made 100000. 1t
isn't known how much Grant received
out Of Leet's profits.
Romeo was q self-made elephant.
He came to this country without a
dollar in his pocket-had nothing in
the world but an empty trunk--and at
the time of his death he was worth
$4,000.
The Albany Evening Journal de-
clares that "Grant ranks among the
great characters Of history" Yes,
just as the sardine ranks among whales.
They are both fishes.
The Rochester Chronicle asks ION