Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1872-04-15
II. wHITMORE,
Publisher and Proprietor.
MRS. TwAIN's SHOE.
Roller Skating from a Melancholy
Point of View.

Point of View.
Apropos of the revival of roller skat.
ing here, the following little domestic
colloquy will do:
Mrs. T.-Mr. Twain, / am surprised
and grieved to-
Mr.. T-Don't interrupt me, woman
l tell you it, absurd-you learn to skate
You'll be wanting to play fairy in the
Black Crook next / tell you skating is
an accomplishment suited only to youth
and comeliness of face and symmetry of
figure. Nothing is so charming as to
see nice girl, in the coquettish costume
of the rinks, with cheeks rosy with ex-
citement, skimming the ice like bird
and swooping down upon group of gen
tlemen and pretending she can't stop
herself, and landing in the arms Of the
very young man her father don't allow
her to know--and darting away again,
falling on her head and exposing herself
to remarks about her carelessness.
Mrs 7. tries to speak, saying: Il
T."
Mr.. MADAM, hold your tongue
And always taking care to fall when that
young man is close by to pick her up.
Oh, it is charming. They look pretty
and interesting, too, when they are just
learning-when they stand still long
time in one place, and then start one
foot gingerly Shows how, make break
for the other side of the pond, and leave
the balance of the girl sprawling on this
sidel But you You look fat and awk-
ward and dismal enough at any time,
and when you are on skates you will
waddle off as stuffy and stupid and un-
gainly as a buzzard that's had half a
horse for dinner.
Mrs. 7. tries again to speak, "Oh
-Oh-Ma-"
Mr.. TT won't have it, madam And
you get under little precarieus head
way, then put your feet together and
drift along, atooping your head and
shoulders Shows how and holding out
your arms like you expected church
was going to fall on you; it aggravates
the life out of mel And Tuesday when
| was ass enough to get on skates my
self, and kicked the Irish Giants eyes
out the first DASH and lit on my head
and cracked the ice so that it looked
like the sun with all its rays dropped
where / struck, and they fined me ninety
dollars for running the mans pond, |
was terrified with the conviction that |
had gone through to the inside of the
world, because / saw the parallels Of
latitude glimmering all around me; and
what was it but you in your awkward
ness, fetching up over me with your
confounded filters onl / can't stand
the pew rent and won't.
Mrs. T.-Mr. Twain, l am surp-
Mr.. T.-Hold your clatter. tell you,
you shan't bring odium upon the family
by your disgraceful attempts to skate,
sprawling around with your big feet like
COW blowing her way down hill in slip
perry weather Shows how) Maybe
you wouldn't be so handy about display
ing those feet of yours if you knew what
occurred when | took your shoes down
to get EN- mended
Mrs. T.-What was it2 Tell me what
It was? Tell me what it was this minute
Just know it's one OF your lies
Mr.. T.-0h, don't mind; it amt OF any
consequence; 90 to bed.
Mrs. T.-But it is of consequence.
You have got to tell me; you shan't ag-
me in this way; | wont go to
bed till know what it was.
Mr.. T.-Oh, it wasn't anythingl
Mrs. TT know BETTER You're jsst
doing this to drive me to distraction.
What did that shoemaker say about my
shoe2 What did he do? Quick (Brist-
ling up to him with clenched hands,
Mr.. T.-Well, if you must know, he
he-however, it of no consequence.
Mrs. T.-Mr. Twainl Shaking her hist
in his face.
Mr.. T.-Well, he-took it and gazed
on it a long time in silence, and then
burst into tears. (Shows how.)
Mrs. T.-Why, you born fool Twain,
are you going stark, staring crazy?
Mr.. Tie just stood there and wept
As if his heart would break, poor devil J
There, now lett 90 to bed.
Mrs. T.-Bed, you lunatic. I'll never
close my eyes till / know what that idiot
was crying about-and you won't either,
can tell you that. Comel
Mr.. T.-0hl it don't matter.
Mrs. T.-Mr. Twain, if you say that
again, III make you sorry for It. What
was that numskull crying sbOutG
Mr.. T-W-e-ll, he, he
Mrs. T.-W-e-ll he. Out with it. Do
you want me to-to-Twain7 I'll snatch
hem pet ear-locks of till the side Of