Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1872-01-19

1t Is the pest plan
l certainly have wranged the lad
He IS nice young man."
HumOr.
Fowl water-a duck pond.
Grant loveth cheerful giver.
The Minister of the Interior-the cook.
Low rents-Holes in the top of your
stockings.
Preferred Creditors-Those that don't
dun.
When is blow from lady welcome ?
When she strikes you agreeably.
An Englishman expects to get stout by
drinking it.
The cheapest wine yeu can drink-The
wine of other people.
A volume that will bring tears to your
eyes-A volume of smoke.
The Ohio River is going into decline.
It keeps its bed and is quite low.
Men who frequent drinking saloons are
most Of their time in tight place.
A female barber SOFT West has retired
from business on account Of the arrival of a
little shaver.
"Union is not always strength" ''as the
sailor said when he saw the bar-keeper mix
ing his rum with water.
Sunday journals are discussing the ques-
ton "Can we cultivate rain p Doubtful;
but we can straise thunder"
"Gen. Grant," says the New York Even-
ing Post, is sincere lover Of peace" Els
pecially fiji happens 10 be a gold piece,
There is young chap in Danburry
school who, being asked who was called
1.-The Father of his Country" shrilly shout
ed Brigham Yonng."
Hard Times-The young ladies down
East complain that the gentlemen are so
poor that they can't even pay their adj
dresses
A local editor assures the kind lady who
sent mince-pie, with the request to please
insert" that such articles are never crowd
ed out by press Of other matter.
Il say, Tom, whatd did you clear by that
stocking speculation p
"Clear p said Tom, ''why, cleared my
pockets"
An enthusiastic editor, speaking Of a new
primaa donna "Her voice is as soft as vel
vet, and as tender as pair Of slop-shop
pantaloons"
A loving wife in Danburry, Conn, on
the decease of her husband sent the follow
ing thrilling telegram to distant friend
Dear John is dead Loss fully covered by
Insurance.
A pretty girl says ''If it was wrong for
Adam to live single when there was not
woman on earth, how guilty are the old
bachelors with the world full Of pretty
girls"
ga fox should not be on the jury when
goose is on trial." quotes an exchange. In
most trials of Importance the foxes are gen.
orally defendants, while the geese are in the
jury box.
A young lad who was called as a witness
was asked if he knew the nature Of AL oath,
and where he would go if be told lie-
He said he. supposed he should 60 where all
the lawyers went.
The PASSPORT (Me. citizen who the other
night mistook his wife's yeast jug for his
favorite Little brown Jug" and took a
"long pull and a strong pull therefrom,
is now rising man.
TEAcHER.-''Boy at the foot Of the class
spell admittance." Boy-''A-d-m-i-t-t-a-n-c-e
admittance. Teacher--"Give the de6ni-
ton" Boy-"Fifty cents, children half
price front seats reserved for the ladies'"
A Washington editor is mad because al
compositor headed his editorial ''The Cham
payne Opened" when he wrote 1.-The Cam
paign Opened" He says that printer is
always thinking about something to drink. |
YE INFANT PRoD1cY.-M aggie-"Wky
is your hair 90 gray, Mamma 2" Mamma
.Well, because you're such naughty child
sometimes" Maggie-"What a naughty
child you have been! POOR Grendma's hairs
quite 1Uhite p
A crusty old bachelor in Congress pro-
poses to levy a tax Of Is per cent on the
corsets, whereupon Down East paper re-
marks, '.Since there it no tax on men get
ting tight, why should not ladies have the
same privilege p azt4z
Recently woman was arraigned before
a magistrate for some misdemeanor, "What
is your occupation" Il have none, SIR
was the reply. "Well, how do you live 7"
II live onprovisions." She was allowed to
60 un6ned.
FoND MoTHER.-''Come here, my son,
and hand me that strap. 1t hurts me very
much to whip you.' Young hopeful
s.No, it don't hurt you half 30 much as it
does me if it did you wouldn't Do it so Of.
ten, too !; now
Dirty work. A certain attorney, who
was remarkable for coming into court with
dirty hands, observed that he had been
turning over Coke" exclaimed waggish
brother, 81 should think it was coal by the
looks Of your hands y
A crazy man having got into the gallery
Of the Senate of the United States, dur
a rambling debate, was taken out, the SER
geant- alarms telling him that he was '.out
Of place in that gallery" That's So"
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