The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1872-05-09
TFor the News.
GETTING EXAMINED.
BY THEopH1LUs Won PUFF.

L did not expect to get a certificate
and sure enough 1 didn't! The Ex
amlners would not give me any
and knocked me out of making SIS
month for three months. l don'I
profess to be much of scholar, but
Uncle Simon says L know a plenty
to teach their school, and can mod.
estly say that | think SO too. Uncle
Simon is School Director, and is es.
pecially anxious that 1 should teach
the summer school, as they are
scarce of funds, and can't afford to
hire high priced teacher. He said
Ijust to tell the Examiners that he
was my uncle, and that he wanted
me to teach the school at SIS a
month, and they would be sure to
give ME certificate. 1 did not be-
lieve it, but thought it would be no
harm to try.
The following are the qualifica-
tons on which I based my hopes:
Ciphering through Rays Third
Part three times; going through the
Appendix to Green's Analysis; go-
ing through Cotton and Fitch's
Primary Geography when 1 was a
boy; standing up longer than any,
body else, at four different spelling
schools last winter; and last, but not
least, studying Latin for six weeks
last school. Uncle considered this
last the most important quali6ca>
ton, as he thought that none of the
Examiners had studied Latin, and
said that if [ would answer all the
hard questions in Latin, thev
wouldn't know but what it was all
right. 1 was pleased with the orig
inality of the idea, and adopting it,
began to have more hope of success.
l concluded to try. 1 came to this
conclusion at 16 minutes after 6 P.
M. on the 18th day of April, 1872.
The next day was the 18th, and the
18th was Examination day.
l didn't sleep much that night
l fell into deze towards r.orning,
but soon awoke in terrible night
mare. 1 dreamed that was wan
dering about in a large and spacious
enclosure. 1 could not conjecture
where L was, and felt terribly un-
happy. L was urrounded by many
others, appare ntly as unhappy as
myself. l looked around upon my
companions, and feared that 1 was
In a Luna tic Asylum. I tried to
escape, but couldn't. Soon a door
was opened and pale man entered.
he held in his hand a queer looking
instrument, which 1 found to be a
gun. He looked around moment,
at the miserable crowd before him.
Then he raised his gun deliberately,
and fred. One Of my companions
fell. She (for it was a woman) was
instantly seized by two men, as pale
as the first. Ten times this process
was repe ,ated. When he raised his
gun the; eleventh time, the aim was
pointefl at me. I was struck by a
paper wad, and fell senseless TO the
floor. 1 was seized as the others
had been before. They dragged me
a short distance and cast me into a
mighty hopper. l was deafened
with the roar and clatter of wheels
beneath me, as L began to sink
down, down, 1 knew not whittier.
With a.. shrek that aroused the fam
lily 1 a,Voke, and was glad to find
that it was not reality. Without
desire of sleeping more that night,
nor ca ring if 1 ever slept again, 1
hastily arose, and putting on my
Sunday suit, attempted, in thinking
of the day before me, to forget my
fearful dream.
L was soon prepared to start,
though not much preparation was
requH ed. Slipping few pie-dough
biscu its into one side. pocket, and
copy of Webster's Pocket Dictiona-
ry md few maps into the other,
M 8 outfit was complete.
1t wasn't very good day to be
examined. There was to be cir
Gus in town that day, and 1 wanted
awful bad to go to that; but heroically
sacrificing my will to that of Uncle
Simon, 1 sought the presence of the
Board of Examiners. 1 found them
mad as fire, because they conldn't at.
tend the show. Rev. Mr.. Syntax
had a supplementary ticket given
him beca'us he was a preacher,
which he was showing around, and
the other wo Examiners were mad
because the y didn't get compliment
tary tickets too,
But seeing that other applicants
were getting. thefr examination pa
pers, I app ied to Rev. Mr.. Syntaz
for mine. Flourishing his pen, ant
dipping il in to the ink, he inquired
"Your nam ;, sir?"
"My NAM = is Theophilus Won Puff
1 replied" and Uncle Simon Crozie
wants nH to teach their summer
school at eighteen dollars month";
He So liIed considerably as h
wrote tla' , name, and without look
ing up inquired, care you related
to Mali q, la Won Puff"
eyes, sir" 1 answered proudly
"She's my sister,"
"An d ar you related to Levi Gre
zier, 0 f this county?"