Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1872-02-01
rFroHa the Star Journal
FOOLSCAP PAPERS.
A Call at the White House.

bic if did not go, l broke the ties
that held me long and started for the
Capital.
/ wore on this occasion, my white
plug hat, which was willed to me by
my venerable grandfather, with the
stipulation that it should be worn as
long - it covered brains. I also worn
the gray coat which is seen so often
on thsStreSt with me in it, and took
my carpet-sRck, WHICH We used when
I was . boy to carry grist to the mill.
There Was nothing at al in the bag,
but then I hold that 1t does net look
genteel TO travel without baggage of
some kind, whetheryou have any thing
to put in it or not; besides, a carpet
sack is good hotel currency. 1 was
accompanied, also, with my umbrella.
All these things had seen service; in
fact, were veterans, very suitable for
the occasion, as the President is a
veteran, and has seen service himself.
On arriving at the White House I
went to usher myself in, but was stop
ped by a servant who stood at tie
door, and looked big. He asked me
what wanted as he grabbed my arm.
l knocked him down, and tod him I'd
tell him what l wanted when he came
to. The President was seated alone
at table, writing, with a cigar in his
mouth. He looked up in fifteen min
utes, and said, very feelingly:
"Sir, I'm astonished to see you"
"NIy dear Mr.. President, you are
certainly no more astonished than
am to see your'
But" said he, '.you didn't send
your card"
No said I, General I left my
deck at home"
'Ah, I recollect now; you're the
new gardner 1 expected this morn
ing"
mo, no, Mr. President; I'm White
horn, an humble name of which you
have no doubt heard of and read about
when you went anywhere. What time
do you dine, General -
Generally at two o'clock"
"WelI," said I, taking a fifty cent
cigar out of box on the table, and
reaching for the Presidents cigar to
light it by; s'well, tried not to be too
late, as 1 didn't want to put your wife
to the trouble Of getting an extra din
ner 1 like to be punctual, especially
at the table of my friends. At my
own house the latch-string is always
out'' $50 are the victuals J and then
l sat down and put my feet up on the
marble mantel piece, and they con-
trasted visibly with the alabaster vases
beside them.
Il have a corn on that foot, Cen
eral, that troubles me great deal.
1 suppose you don't have them ?"
Corn Sixty acres, sir, on my
Missouri estate?' was his energetic
rejoinder.
"Well, General, while We are wait
| inc for dinner, and as have nothing
else to do in the mean time, allow me
| to give some of my views on some of
the vexed questions of the day.
ttThe Alabama claims don't cover
all that 1 would expect from England,
and would suggest some amendments
for you to insert
ssist. Indemnity for the abuse of
| George Francis TEain, EhO, IS free
American citizen, was obliged to suffer
martyrdcm inside Of brick walls, mere
Iy for the beldness OF abusing the
British lion to his face.
I'D Indemnity for blowing cam on
froLl the Sepoys' mouths in India.
''3d. Indemnity for the unnecessary
slaughter of the Prussians at the bat
tie Of Dorking.
18th Indemnity for the murder of
Kings English, and Mary Queen of
Scots.
''5th The British umpire to be a
bolished. The kingdom to be devided
in two parts, both parts to GO to the
United States. The money in the
f Bank of England to be used toward
( pensioning every man in the United
: States, irrespective ofse The inhab-
itants of London to be moved to New
York, so as to enlarge the latter city.
2 The British Islands to be used as n
z coaling station for our navy, and the
e British lion to have his tail cut off
7 This, believe, Mr.. President, would
e equalize things little better, and sat
r isfy Ben. Butlers's crooked eye
l "By the way, my COW is TIE mother
a of fine calf.
: s,My wife has continually been so
e Letting me to he q candidate for tht
presidency. My long management ot
the affairs of our community peculiar
), ly fits me for it. My wife would b.
A vice president, to fill the presidentia
a chair while l would be away, ant
n also when 1 would be at home But
e have declined, as learn you will b
If out again; though. to speak the truth
n General, feel perfectly at home j
/ the White House. How soon vii
'. dinner be ready? Tell the folks
le generally have onions 70: dinner, ais
er Rhine wine, and port without til
W rhine. If you have some handy no
If III"
Y just here the usher announced sex
E. eral major generals, but, as the Pres
Id dent was asleep, sent word for thel
to call in the morning, two days late
When he woke up we went to dir
N ner, where my conversation was pure
IS ly diplomatic. 1 remarked that OF
a Geld weather caused a glorious dimir
" ution of flies; spoke of the goo
'e bread my wife-gets at the baker S
IF told them how many meals coul,
1t make q napkin last, which perfectl
# surprised them. After dinner / enter
e tanned the President with two hour.
,e talk, with much advice. He said all
;. had said was like pouring water in
rat, hole, by which he meant it all wen
down. ! got the promise of the mex
paymaster's place who should gradual
for the penitentiaTy, and left, tellin
, the President that wanted 10 get OF
; on the next train. He said he hope
J 1 wouldn't be disappointed. Told hir
| t. ]