The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1871-04-21

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A Kentucky editor boasts that ale
brewed in his town "WouiG NOT ln-
tur6 q newborn infant, while itnour-
ishes ana cheers those OF mature
years"
a clervrman IN the West seeks
damages Of e Journal which pub
lished q report Of his lecture, "AIind .
and Matter" under the head of /
''Wiad and Water"
An Indiana paper notices the death OF
sn old subscriber, and touchinglv
aads:e s'Fe are sorry, to hear Of the /
death Of any Of our Subscribers who 1
are prompt about paying up"
A sharper in Connecticut is sd
vertising to give $1,000 to any per-
son who will adopt an infant two
weeks old, adding that ten cents
must he inclosed to pay for answer
ingisfssfs.
Josh Billings says in his "Lecter::"
"Rats originally came from Norway,
and nobody would have cared if they
had originally stald there" A lady
friend remarks that they still show
their gnaw-awsy origin.
al meant to have told you Of that
hole" said a gentlemsQ to his friend,
who vas walking with him in bis
gardea, and stumbled into a pit full
of water. "No matter" said the
fsiead, ..Tve found itp
A census tsker out West reports
eight thousand colonels In his dis
trict. "There used to be more in
that part Of the country" he saws,
shut a large number Of them have
been raised to generals"
A Maine man, going into the viii
dernesa. took what he supposed to
befhis seenTsss, bat found. when he
nepdeda its guidance, had instead
tslssbhis Nife's dsguerreotype. 1t
brought him out all right
"Shall help you to alight?" said
q xoupg gentleman. addressing
bp6hcing couptry girl, who was pre-.
pqring to jump from s carriage.
SThsnk you, sir" sBeetly replied
The girl, 'sbnt / don't smoke"
A mother was amused the other
day to hear this bit Of "argument"
from her little boy. Mamma, I
don't see how Satan could have turn
ed out to be sueh bad fellow-there
washst any devil to put him up
to itr'
"You haven't got such a thing az
q pair of old towsers, have v0H9''
"No, my man." said the merchant;
81 don't keep my wardrobe in my
countinghouse." "Wnere do YOU
liveY reioined Pat and I'll cali in
the morning for the ould pair you've
got ons'
A windy orator in our legislature,
after a1ehgthY effort, stopped for a
drink of water. 81 rise" said Bloss,
"to a point of order" Everybody
started, wondering what the point Of
order was. 81 think, sir, said Bloss.
sit is out Of order for windmill to
60 by water!"
A geatieman whose nose had be
comesdistinctiy colored with the red
wine he was won't to imbibe, said
one dayzto his little son at thetable:
4You must eat bread, my boy, bread
makes your cheeks red The little
boy replied: Father, what lots of
bread you must have snuffed up"
Josh Billings says:"Most ennv
man will conced that l. looks foolish
to see a boy drag a heavy sled up
hill for the heeting plesher of riding
down again, bat it appears to me
that the boy is sage by the side Of
the young man who works hard all
tbesweek, and drinks his wages on
Saturday night"
~ lady Who'could never buy any
thing without trying to beat down
the price, went to the post Office
the other day to get four advertised
letters, and on being told there was
four cents to pay on each for adver
tising, wanted to know of the clerk
what he wonld let her have them for
if she would take the whole lot.
A negro boy who went TO church
was cautioned to remember the text,
which was: why stand ye here idlef
Go into my vineyard, and wbatso-
ever is right I will pay thee" Tom.
my came heme, and was asked to re-
peat the tex He thought It over
3 while, and cried ont: "Wbat dye
stand round here doing muffin fors
Go into my bsrnyard and work.
I'll make it right with you.
A candidate travelling through
one of the rural precincts Of a Ger
tain county, a few days since, rode
up to a farm house, and thus ac
costed a tow headed urchin who
was seated upon the top of a gate
gate post "Bub, where's your pap
The yodngster replied: 'Psp's Just
gone down beyond the COW shed to
dig a grave to bury the old dog
Towser. The darned old fool killed
himself.a barkin' at candidates for
sheriff"
An ingenious mechanic in New
Orleans constructed a safe which he |
declared to be absolutely burglar
proof. To convince the ineredu- |
ious of the fact, he placed a thou
sand dollar bill in his pocket, and |
locked himself in the safe, and |
declared that he would give the
Money to tie man who unfastened |
the door. All the blacksmiths, and
carpenters, and burglars in the State
of Louisiana have been boring and |
blasting, and beating at the safe for
q week with every kind of tool and |
explosive mixture known to science,
and the man is in there yet. He I
has whispered through the keyhole
that he viii make the reward ten
thousand dollars if somebody will
only let him out. He has convinced |
everybody it is the safest safe ever
invented. Fears are entertained
that the whole concern will have to
be melted down in a blast furnace
before he is released, and efforts are
20 be made to pass in through the
keyhole fire proof jacket to pro
tect the inventor while the iron is
melting.