Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1871-09-22
The Editors Guests.

BY WILL NJ. CARLETON.
CRead before the recent annual meeting of the
Michigan Press Association
The Editor satin his sanctum, his countenance fur
His mind al The bottom of business. his feet at the
top Of aehair,
His chair arm elbow supporting his right hand
His eyes on his dusty old table, with different docu
ments spread;
deflined capitals topped,
And a short disquisition from Growler, requesting
hisnewspaper stopped;
There were lyrics irom Gusher the poet, concern
ing sweet howrets and zephyrs, =,
And stray gem from pIodder the farmer, describ-
ing couple of heifers
There were billets from beautiful maidens, and bills
And his G besi leader 6itehed to letter. which in
quired if he wrote it or who?
There were raptures of praises from writers Of the
smooth and mellfuous school,
And one Of his rivals last papers, informing him he
| was fool;
There were several long resolutions with
telling who they were by,
Canonizing some harmless old brother who had done
There were traps on the table to catch him. and SER
penis to sting and to smite him,
There gift enterprises sell him, and blters at
tempting to bite him
| There were long staring ads from the city and
! money with never a one,
Which added, Please give this insertion, and send
! in your bill when you're donei'
ing. their wants and their laws
| Which said, Can You print this announcement for
the good of our glorious causeE
There were tickets inviting his presence to festivals
Wrapped in notes with Please give us notice."
/ demurely slipped in at the close;
In short as his eye took the table, and Ter its
Tn ere was nothing il did not encounter excepting,
| perhaps it was cash.
The Editor dreamily pondered on several pondeIous
On different lines Of action and the pulling of differ
Upon some equiyocal doings and some unequivocal
duns;
On friends who Subscribed just to help him." and
wordy encouragement lent;
And had given him plenty of counsel, but never had
On vinegar, kind hearted people feeding him
Who saw not the work they were doing. but wonder
l. ed that printers sour;
On several intelligent townsmen, whose kindness
was withoutstint,
That they kept out on his business, and told
| him Just what he should print:
On men who had rendered him tavors, and never
pushed forward their claims, -
So long as III paper was crowded with locals con-
On various other small matters sufficient his tenn
And finally contriyed to make the blood of editor
boil; >,
And so could that his feelings could hardly
And he needed some pleasant occurrence. his wax
ened emotions 10 sOothe,
H. had il Tor To- on the threshold SLOW and rela-
BILE tread,
/ A farmer invaded the ShnctuIn, ana tnese are tue
WORDS that he said;
Good morning. sir, Mr.. Printer; how is your body
I'm glad you're to home; for you fellers is al'ays
ruHnin away.
Your paper last week want so spicy nor sharp as
But s'pose when the campaign is opened. you'll
WhoOpln tup to EN- more.
That fellow that's printin the smasher is goln Ior
you pretty smart; ,,c. -.
And folks said this mornin, at breakfast, they
e
But hushed EN- right up in minute, ana sala a
And told 'em that some one was sayin'. and who
ever twas tits so,
That you can't expect much Of nc, one man, nor
blame him for what he don know.
But layin' aside pleasure for business, I've brought
you my little boy jim; .ou,,n,t u,at-o an
And thought would see II you couldn I make an
editor outen o him.
My family stock is inereasin'. while other folks
I've got right smart Of fam1y-its one of the
There's Iehabod, Isaac and Israel workin' away
on the farm
They do bout as much as one good boy-and make
things go off like charm.
There's Moses and Aaron are sly ones, and slip like
a couple of eels
git round to their meals.
There's Peter is busy inventin' Though what he in
And Joseph is studyin med cine-and they're both
o. 'em boardin' with me,
There's Abram an Albert is married, each workln
a farm for himself.
And Sam smashed his nose at shootn'. and so he is
laid on shelf
The rest of the boys are all growin cept this little
runt, which is j i'm
And / thought that perhaps I'd be maxim an editor
outen o him.
HE amt no great shakes for tolabor. though I've
labored with him a good deal
And give him some strappin good arguments know
he couldn't help but feel;
But he's built out of second-class timber. and moth
ing about him Is big,
Exceptin his appetite, only, and there he's as good
| n
keep him a-carryin' Iuucheons, and film. and
And take HIM among the pertaters and set him to
And then there's things to be doin' a-helpin' the
There's c6urnin' and washin' of dishes. and other
description of chores. -
But he don't take TO nothn but Vlctuals, ana ne II
never be much ! IN afraid, .
So thought it would be good notion to learn him
His body's to small for a farmer. his judgment i:
rather TO slim, - y.
But thOughtw perhaps could be maxim an editor
outen o him
1t amt much to get up paper-it wouldn't take
him long for to learn,
He could feed the machine am thinkin with some
good strappin' fellows to turn.
And things that once hard in doin IS easy
enough now to do;
{ Just keep an eye on your machinery. and crack
/: your arguments right through
used for to wonder at readin' and when it was go
: up and how
But It's most Of i made by maehinery-I can see i
= all plain enough now.
And poetry is constructed by machinery Of differ
ent designs,
Each one with gage and a chopper to see to th'
length of the lines;
= And hear a New York elairvOyant Is runnln on'
sleaker than grease,
Anda-renfin her heaven born productions at a eou
pie of dollars apiece;
An since the whole trade has grOwed easy, twoulc
be easy enough. We whim,
II you was agreed to be maxim editor outen o
JIM"
The Editor sat in his sanctum, and looked the old
man in the eye.
Then glanced at the grinning young hopeful. anC
J, mournfully made his reply
is your son an unbound edition Of Moses and Sol
omon both 2
Can he compass his spirit with meekness. and stran
gle a natural oath2
Can he leave all his wrongs to the future and carr,
his heart in his cheek
e Can he do an hours work in a minute and live on
sixpence a week
e Can he courteously talk to an equal and browbea
an impudent dunceg
Can he keep things in apple-pie order. and do hal
o dozen al oneer