Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1871-07-18
VARIETY.

Why are hogs ike trccs-bccauso they
root for living.
An Irishman calls his sweetheart honey
because she is 'bee-lOyed.'
"A bug that hOurishcs at all seasons of
the year, and in all misunderstanding.
- An Irishmans definition of no,hiDg-a
tOOtless stocking, without any leg.
- Marriage-an altar on which man laws
his Pockct-6ook, and woman her lovc-letteTs.
1t was one of Douglas Jerolds favoritc
sayings, that in the midst Of life We are in
There is landlord in this city so mean
and exciting, that he sees rent, even in n
cloud.
- How many apples did our first parents
cat in the Garden of Eden? Eve s and
Adam ,.
Why is good husband ike dough-
Doughu't you know? Why it is because
woman needs him.
- The charge of judge is often hard to
stand that of battalion harder still that
of n money lender hardest of all.
-'Father, won't you buy me fish pole p
said piOus boy you know the bible says,
spare the rod and spoil the chiIdT
- Mrs. Darlington is collecting autocra.s.
and will tie grateful for any specimens Of the
hand writing OF extinguished characters.
"A young bachelor in WiIliamsport. urged
to marry, replied: Il don't sec it. My father
was single man, and lie always got along
well enough
Throw a bouquet and card of thanks to
serenaders, when yOu can't invite them in
If you haven't card throw the water-pitchcr.
or bnot-jack.
bay said an ill-tempered old fellow to
a noisy lad, 'what you hoI!erin' for when
am going by Hump = returned the boy,
'What are you going by for when l am hclc
lerin' p
II wish you had been Eve said an
urchin to n stin"y old aunt prOycrbial for her
meanncss. why so? Because said he.
you would have eaten all the apple, instead
of dividing it
AT a school in Newcastle the master
asked class OF boys the meaning of the word
appetite. After i short pause one little boy
said, Il know, sir; when I'm catin' I'm Apply
and when I'm done I'm tight
The only amusemen. of the citizens of
Calhoun, Ga, is that of tying tinwarc to the
tails of the village dogs. The dogs are so
we'll trained that whenever one of them sees
an oyster-can in the street he backs up and
waits for some one to tic it on.
"A dandy of twenty-six having been
termed an 'Old bachelor appealed to an elderly
gentleman to decide whether he should be
called old or not, giving his age. 'Twenty-six,'
said the elderly gentleman, 1T is owing to how
you take it. Now, for man it is young
enough; but for goose it is rather old
Come here, my little Eddie said rep-
tleman to yOungster of seven years of age,
where large company was assembled; do you
know me- ? Yes, sir, l think l do sWho
am then? Let me hear You arc the
man who kissed sister Angelina last night, in
the Parlor.'
Angelina tainted.
A Letter addressed 'To Euy Prominent
Business Man handling butchers Stock
Quincy Ills" and containing the following
marginal directions post master will pleas
hand this to some fat cattle man." was re,
ceived at the Post Office in Quincy recently.
In accordance with tbs request. the letter was
handed to the latest man in the town.
Now, young people, said professor of
natural history to his class, now then, as to
hens; hen has the capacity of LAYING lust
six hundred eggs, and no more aud she fin.
ishes the job in just about-fivc years Now
what is to be done with her after that 'Cut
of her head aud sell her for spring chicken
exclaimed an unchin whose father dealt in
poultry
Mr.. 4. was somewhat of wit. and even
at his dying moments, could not let an OPP
pOrtunity pass to crack 4 joke as the following
will show: AS his end drew nigh, and his
friends and relations gathered around his bed
side, one young lady remarked that his breath
was getting very short. 'Why,' replied the
wit opening his dying eyes; can you see the
end of it?
The other day sharp looking little fell
low, with shock of light brown hair that
looked as though it had no very recent ac-
quaintance with comb and brush, said to his
teacher, very abruptly: Teacher, 1 amt
coming to school any more Not coming to
school any more! Why, what's the matter?
don't you like your teachcr?' ooh, jimini
don't Z! You bet. But I'm agoin' back to
the theatre = 'WhySyes; act, dOcs.'-
you act = WhereY Yes I've been on tho
stage lots. I'm an old hand at it. was an
angel up to the BLACK Crook and a bull frog
down to the white Fawn,' aud tell you
what it is, teacher, I'd heap sight rather DO
bull frog than an angel any day