Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1871-04-18
NO. 81. = :. +.
TEACHING cows LATIN

once taught my cows Latin. | don't
mean to say that l taught them to read it,
for it is very difficult to teach COW to read
Latin or any of the dead languages-a cow
cares more for her cud than she does for
all the classics together. Butt you begin
early you can teach a cow, or calf (if you
can teach calf anything, which | doubD
Latin as well as English. There were ten
cows, which | had to escort to and from
pasture night and morning. To these
cows l gave the names Of the Roman
numerals, beginning with Unus and Duo,
and going up to Decem. Decem was, Of
course, the biggest COW of the party, or
at least she was the ruler of the others,
and had the place of honor in the stable
and every where else / admire cows, and
especially the exactness with which they +
define their social position. In this Decem
could lick Novem, and Novem could
lick Octo, and so on down to Unus, who
could MT lick anybody, except her own
calf. suppose ought to have called the
weakest COW Una instead of Unus. con-
sidering her sex; but didn't care much
to teach the cows the declensions of ad-
jectives, in which l was not very well up
myself; and besides, it would be of little
use to COW. People who devote them
selves too severely to study Of the classics
are apt to become dried up ;and you should
never do anything to dry up cow. Well,
these ten cows knew their names after
while, at least they appearedto. and would
take their places as | called them. At
least, if Octo attempted to get before
Novem in going through the bars Q have
heard people speak of a 'pair Of bars
when there were six or eight of them),
or into the stable, the matter Of prece-
dence was settled then and there, and once
settled there was no dispute about it after
ward. Novem either put her horns into
Octo's ribs, and Octo shambled to one
side, or else the two locked horns and tried
the game of push and gore, until one
gave up. Nothing is stricter than the
etiquette of party of cows. There is
nothing in royal courts equal to it; rank
is exactly settled, and the same individu-
ais always have the precedence. You
know that at Windsor castle, if the royal
three-ply silver stick should happen to get
in front of the most royal double-and
twisted golden rod, when the court is
going into dinner, something so dreadful
would happen that we don't dare to think
OF il. It's certain that the soup would get
cold while the golden rod was pitching
into the moat. and perhaps the island Of
Great Britain itself would split in two.
But the people are very careful that it shall
never happen, so we shall probably never
know what the effect would be. Among
cows, as | say, the question is settled in
short order, and in different manner
from what it sometimes isin other society.
1t is said that in other society there is some
times a GREAT scramble for the fret r,laca
for the leadership as it is called, and that
and men too, fight for what is
called position; and in order to be first
they will injure their neighbors by telling
stories about them and by backbiting,
which is the meanest kind of biting there
IS, not excepting the bite of fleas. But in
cow society there is nothing of this dstrac-i
ion in order to secure the first place at the
crib, or the further stall at the stable. If
The question arises, the cows turn in, horns
and all, and settle it with one square fight
md that ends it. have often admired
his trait in cows Charles D. Warner.