Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1871-03-28

iutsrestin what your husband undertakes. and
If he is perplexed or discouraged, assis. him
by your smiles and happy words. Ifthe wife
is careful how she conducts speaks and looks.
n thousand happy hearths would cheer and
brighten her existence. where now there il
nothing but clouds of gloom. sorrow and dis.
content. The wife, above all others, should
strive to please her husband and to maks
home attractive.
MISPLACED SYMPATnY.-M Meeting ono of
our bankrupt friends the other day. we began
TO express our great regret for his misfortune
IN being compelled to go into bankruptcy and
our sympathy for his family. But he cut Us
short. ''My dear sir, )" said he "don't gricve
yourself about my family, took care of them.
you bet! Just save your symrathies for tho
families of nv creditors" We dcrarted a
wiser man. UalJGz Record.
Some years ago. in one of our western
courts, three men-an Englishman. an Irish>
man. aud Scntchman-were found guilty IF
murder aud sentenced to be hung The
judge told them they could each choose the
tree on which they would like 10 be 'strung
up" The Sco'chman promptly chose an ash
tree, and the EngliShman an oak tree. well
Pat, what will you be hung on ?" asked tho
judge. ''If it PLACE your honor, I'd rather
be hung on gooseherry bush" "Oh, said the
judge. that's not big enough" "Begcrrv
min, replied Pat, Frightening up, "I'lI wait
till it grows"
In a certain village in ore of the Eastern
States. poor, half witted fellow named Hob.
ron got married. \ ncighbor met him and
said, Glow is this. Hobson? You've married
4 woman that is foolish hard of hearing and
lame. What sort Of choice vas that?" 81
know il" said poor meek Hobson; but it vas
her OF nobody" This vas the origin of
''Hobson's choice"
-"Talk about getting good deal out Of
little peice of land :" exclaimed Simrson-
why. bought an acre of old Mr.. Ross. ~ at
goose Fair. planted one acre Of it with po,a-
toes and t'other with corn.
4 thought You s1id you bought only one
acre. Simpson," remarked lis;euer-.how
could you plant two?''
Very easily sir-T stood II up on the end
and planted both sides of it,"
Josh Billings says: "The live man is
like little pig; lie is wcancd young, and
begins 70 root early. He is the pepper sass
NV creation, the nllspice Nv the world One
live man in village is like 4 case Nv itch in
district school-he sets every body to
scra,chin' at onst.
- Mr.. Golden. an old bachelor editor, thus
in his spite. comments on a recent moonlight
incident: I'VE left our sanctum at midnight
last night, and our way home we saw
young lady and gentleman holding gate on
its hinges They were evidently indignant
ut being out so late. and we saw them bite
each other several times"
My SON. said the elder Spiggles to SpIg
giles junior. thinking to enligh'en the boy on
the propagation Of the hen species-'ny son.
do you know that chickens come out Of eggs =
DO they said SpigGles ljunior; 1 thought
eggs came out o: chickens This ended the
the first lesson.
A teacher Of vocal music asked an old
lady 1t her grandS'n had any ear for music
"WHal." said the old woman Il really don't
know; won't you just take the candle and
see!"
Mother, don't you wish you had the
root IF evil in your garden ?
Why, Josh, yOu sarpent, what DO you
mean?'
As moneys the root of all evil. if We had
the tree couldn't We get all the precious
stuff?
- 4 poor widow woman was relating to a
neighbor. how fond her husband was of hav-
ing good fire; how busy he would make
himself in fixing it 81 that it would burn -
'Ah, poor dear man. said She hope he's
gone where they keep good fires
"A darkev. left in charge Of telegram
office at New Orleans, while the operator went
tn dinner. heard some one "call'' over the
wires. and began shouting at the instrument
DE operator isn't yer" The noise ceased.
A wag. observing on the door Of a house
the names of two physicians. remarked that
it put him in mind of double harreled gun,
If one missed, the other would be sure to
kill.
A devoted Radical who wanted Grant
to be much ike the Father of his country
ne possible, prayed that the 'nan;Iepiece of
Washington might fall on him.
-''Nonc but the brave deserve the fair" -
the rough said when he collered the conductor
and declined payment.
A Vermont man. who has been arrested
for shooting his mother in law, contends that.
lie mistook her for wild turkey.
An Indiana girl, when asleep. rccites.
Greek. but when awake is utterly ignorant of
tina, language. This is az Indians euphuism
for saying she snorcs.
Suppose Teller that has noihin' mar
ries a gal what has no'hin,' is nCr things
his or his'n her'n, or his'n and her'n his n
When is a young mans arm like the
Gospel? When he makes glad the Waste
places.
"A Princeton, Illinois, saloon keeper has
a Temperance pIedge behind the bar. and does
his best 20 induce dead beats and loafers to
sign it.
-"You want nothing do you 2" said Pat
''Bedad, an it it's nothing you want, you'll
find it in the jug where the whiskcy was
People engaged at the min: oucht to be
rich, for the simple reason that they know