The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1871-05-19
Miscellaneous.
NEWSPAPER SUBSCRIBERS.

The London Newspaper Press contains
the following classification of newspaper
subscribers, which is somewhat vaguely
credited to an American paper.
First come the
UprightS.--These are men who take
newspapers, pay for them, and read
them. Observe the order in which these
are done: The pay comes first the
reading next. These men consider they
get the worth of their money in the bar
gain. 1t seems as fair and just to them
that the newspaper should be paid for
never entertain any other opinion.
When the year runs out, or little be.
fore, they are on hand with the pay.
There is no more difficulty with them
in remembering this period than Sun
day or the first of January. If one
of them wishes to stop his paper, he
either calls or writes n letter by his
postmaster in due season, like man.
This class is dear to the heart of the
editor. Their image is embalmed in
his warm affections. Nay they live
thousand years, and see their sons sons
to the fourth generation.
The second class now in mind is the
DO ]peNs-This is nearly related TO
the other--so near that it is hard to tell
where one begins and the other ends.
These men always pay in advance in
the beginning, and intend to do so con-
tinually. But memory fails a little, or
some mishap intervenes, and the time
runs by--sometimes a little sometimes
for quite period. But their recollec-
ton, though nodding occasionally, new
er gets sound asleep. 1t pronounces the
word in due time-"The printer is not
paid;' and forthwith their will TO do well
kindles into activity. Now comes the
paying up-"Meant to do so before.
Don't mean to let such things pass by"
A publisher can live with such men.
They have warm place in his memory
only little back of the uprights. If
such man dies in arrears, his wife or
son remembers that he may not haye
paid up for his newspaper, and forth.
with institutes inquiries. They remem-
Der that part of the benefit was theirs,
and, estate or no estate, sec that the
printers bills are not among fathers un-
settled accounts.
Next come the
Easy DoerS.-Those men believe in
newspapers. They have fully settled in
their own minds that Il newspaper is a
good thing. They take them, too
Sometimes at the first they pay up for
the first year, at any rate they mean to-,
pretty soon. If they have done so, they
lie down with the comforting conviction
that their newspaper is now settled for +;
and this idea having got into their
heads, refuses obstinately to be dislodg-
ed, but keeps its hold from year to year;
a truth once-now an illusion gray and
rheumatic with years The editor mark
ing the elongated and elongating space
in the accounts currents Of their dollars,
begins to ask if they are dead or have
gone to California. Now he begins to
poke bills at them. They suddenly start
nm to the reality that they are in arrears I;
and, like men, as they are at the bottom,
nav up. They never DISPUTE his bills
they know books tell better stories than
moss covered memories. Ifthe publish
er has faith enough, or Il long purse, and
can live like alternating bear, he may
survive this class. But if he is mortal
only, woe be to him.
The next class is that Of the
Dorm XUlerS,-IIerc we begin to slide
over to the other side. The picture sud-
deny gets sombre. We shall despatch
the Down HlllerS suddenly. one OF
these may take paper because WHO
wants one, or the children are Jealous
to read 1t, or a neighbor persuadeS hlm'
When 1t begins to come, ne dIsmlsSeS
all thoughts about 1t further, II the cd
itor SENDS man direcliy 10 MN at inc
end Of two or three years, he may get
some pay Tor his paper but with grows
and surly looks. lie never pays any
debt If he can get rid OF 1t, ana Il news
paper least of all. Still, he hates law
suits, and constables, and all that a
dun has the same effect on him that Il
bullet has on hippopotamus-glanclng
from his hide, or sinking into the bluo-
Der harmless. lie Is always sllulhg
down hill, and soon merges into anoth'
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