Mower County transcript., 1871-12-21
All Sorts of Paragraphs.

All Sorts OF Paragraphs.
MoNGo11AN de-dishes-China on
trays.
JAMES CnEEcH died in Sandwich, last
week, from starvation, disease of the
throat preventing his swallowing any
| food.
In the common prayer book now used
for the Episcopal church service, the
following lines occur in the index t.
the hymns
my opening eyes with rapture sep. 2a
| Ny Savior hanging on tree"-p. 28.
BOARDING SCHOOL M1ss-' Oh, Char
lie, expect to graduate at next com.
mencement. :. "Graduate! What will
you graduate in?" "Why, in white
tulle.''
The London Press pays Americans a
very pretty compliment, under the
mask of joke. He advises English
men to hurry UP their subscrip iptions; OF
Chicago will be rebuilt before they can
get there.
A CH1NAMAN at Henderson Gulc1,
Montana, hadn't quite friends enough.
He broke into store and stole 5000.
When the community came to consider
it, the vote stood 19 to 18, so beecl,
tree in the neighborhood bore MonSo-
liam fruit.
A PARIS letter declares that by actual
count about seventeen in twenty of the
ladies seen in the streets are dressed in
mourning but whether this is owing
altogether to loss of relatives or is a
freak of fashion, is uncertain.
A LADY having accidently broken her
smelling-bottle, her husband, who was
very petulant, said to her; g I declare
my dear, everything belonging to you
is more or less broken "True," re-
piled the lady, for even you are a
little cracked"
F. G. PERRY, of Norwich, n Y, has
Just been fitted with patent wax nose,
which can hardly be distinguished
from frst-class natural one. Mr.
Perry wears also glass eye, wig, and
full set of false teeth, and can hardly
be self-made man.
A NEW miraculous tenor has been dis
covered in the person of Russian
street vagrant named Michrovich, who
has just been admitted to the St. Pc
tersburg Conservatory at the instance
of Nine. Pauline Lucca, who had the
luck of finding him.
JANUARY is the coolest and July the
hottest month in St. Petersburg. Each
year has about 112 complete winter
days, SO spring and autum days, with
frost at night, and 1914 summer days.
The most serene months are April and
June; next, March, May, and July.
VERDI is described as al odd, puz-
zling characteristic, abrnpt, icy to
mere acquaintances, avoiding society,
never expressing an opinion, especially
upon musical matters; a man of unfair
nished honor and proverbial shyness.
C1NctNNAT1ANs are rejoiced to learn
that by a newly-suggested process Of
distillation an ordinary barrel of gar
bage can be made to yield four gallons
of proof spirits.-It will also furnish
three pounds of soap, but that they
don't care so much about.
THERE are 1000, 900 members of the
International in France who pay ono
sou per week. In England there are
1856, 900 members, of whom 10000 are
in London. The whole number be-
longing to this society in Europe is es-
timated at 1000. 900.
The Belgian government has placed
20. 900 francs at the disposal of the Bel
gian Legation at Washington to meet
the first wants of the Belgians who have
suffered by the late disasters in Amer
ica, especially the Belgian colony in
Wisconsin.
THE Australian meat trade seems
fairly established, and the leading
wholesale grocers in the provinces have
been large buyers during the week-a
sure indication that the demand is we'll
spread throughout the country. The
main difficulty is in the deficient sup
ply.
Mr.. AND Mrs. ENos BArcAELDER
lately celebrated their golden wedding
at Avon, New York. A singular fact of
the occasion was that Mr.. Batchelder
was the brides third husband, she hay
ing had two others, with whom she
lived six years apiece, and by whom
she had eix children.
A PENNSYLVANIA paper says: "Chi-
cago was probably y the most populous
city in the world. Some fourteen mil
lions of her destitute citizens have
passed through this city in the last
three weeks. You can't throw a cat in
any direction without hitting 'suf-
ferer.' The dodge is becoming thread
bare"
SMALL change is so scarce in Paris
that the workmen and employers in the
CITY and suburbs row use fractional
currency, made by the heads of the
workshops, and redeem when they
amount, altogether, to such sums as
can be repaid by the paper money now
issued.
A LADY had favorite lap dog, which
she called Perchance. "A singular
name," said somebody, "for beauti-
full pet, madam. Where did you find
it9" "Oh,' drawled she, "It was
named from Byron's dog. You remem-
Der where he says, Perchance my dog
may howl"
A LADY made call upon friend
who had lately been married. "When
her husband came to dinner she said
81 have been to Mrs. Simson's :"
"Wen," replied the husband, II sup
pose she is very happy" "Happy?
Well, I should think she ought to be;
she has camel's hair shawl two-thirdS
border"
AN editor in Illinois having engaged
a new reporter, received the following
as his first effort: "We are informed
thnt the gentleman hoo stood on his
head Under II pile driver for the pnr
pose Of having a tight pair of butcs
druv on, shortly afterward fonnl him
self in Chiny, perfectly naked, anu
without cent in his pocket"
A CHINESE cook in California, All
Skoot by name, was knocked senseless
in shooting off gun which had been
loaded to the muzzle. On observing
that he gave signs of returning life, the
kind old lady who employed him cried,
"Speak to me, Skooty! Oh, speak to
mel" John raised his head and gave
vent to the following: "Speakee !!
Wassy matter speekec? More blandy,
moro blandy G d-n, TOO much
shooty!' The old lady has since
employed cook less given to profan
ity.
ACoNNEcT1cUT lady who couldn't per
suade her husband to get her a paten!
clothes-tlryer, took the pole out from
her old-fashioned line the other even
ing, and crouching down by the fence
screamed "murder ~ In IN instant
the startled lord came flying out of tho
house, was caught across the throat by
the clothes-line, and before he &C: K