The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-08-03

ance of love from youth to old age is very love-
", very cheering but even "John Anderson
nv Joe" would lose his pathos if Mrs. Ander-
son had ignored the difference between the ra-
ven locks and the snowy brow. This public
display of familiar affection is never seen
among men who pride themselves In making
good lovers; as certain men do-those who
have reduced the practice of love-making to an
art, science, and know their lesson to a letter.
These men are delightful to women, who like
nothing so much as being made love to, as well
after marriage as before; but men who take
matters quietly, and rely on the good sense OF
their wives to make matters quietly too. sail
around these scientific adorers for botn depth
and manliness. And if women knew their best
interests they would care more for the truth
than the science.
All that excess of fattering and petting of
which women are so fond becomes bore to a
man if required as part of the daily habit of
life. Out in the world as he is, harassed by
anxieties of which she knows nothing, home
is emphatically his place of rest, where his
wife is his friend that knows his mind, where he
NAV be himself without fear of offending, and
relax the strain that must be kept up out of
doors; where he may feel himself safe, under.
stood. and at ease. And some women, and
these by no means the coldest or the least low
ing. are wise enough to understand this need OF
rest in the mans harder life, and, accepting the
quiet of security as part of the conditions OF
marriage, content themselves with the undemon-
strative love into which the fever of passion
has subsidized. Others fret over it, and make
themselves and their husbands wretched, be-
cause they cannot believe in that which is not
forever paraded before their eyes. Yet what
kind of home is it for the man if he has to walk
as if on eggshells, every moment afraid OF
wounding the susceptibilities of woman who
will take nothing on trust, and who has to be
continually assured that he still loves her, be-
fore she will believe that to-day is as yesterday?
Of one thing she may be certain no wife who
understands what is the best kind OF marriage
demands these continual attentions, which,
voluntary offerings of the lover, become en-
forced tribute from the husband. She knows
that as wife, whom it is not necessary to
court. or fatter, she has nobler place than
to a mistress. Wifehood, like all assured con-
ditions does not need to be buttressed up but
a less certain position must be supported from
the outside and an insecure self-respect and
uncertain holding must be perpetually strength
ened and re-assured. Women who cannot live
happily without being made love to are more
like mistresses than wives and come but badly
off in the great struggles of life and the cruel
handling Of time Placing all their happiness
in things which cannot continue, they let slip
that which lies in their hands, and in their de-
sire to retain the romantic position of lovers
lose the sweet security of wives. Perhaps if
they had higher aims in life than those with
which they make shift to satisfy themselves,
thev would not let themselves sink to the level
of this folly, and would understand better than
they do now the worth ofrealities, as contrast
ed with appearances. And yet we cannot but
pity the poor, weak, craving souls who long so
plitifully the freshness of the morning to con-
tinue far into the day and evening, who cling
so tenaciously to the fleeting romance of youth.
They are taken by the glitter of things-love-
making among the rest; and the man who is
showiest in his affection, who can express it
with most color, and paint it, so to speak, with
the minutest touches, is the man whose love
seems to them the most trustworthy and the
most intense. They often make the mistake
of confounding this show with the substance,
of trusting to pictorial expression rather than
to solid facts And they often make the mis-
take of cloying their husbands with personal,
half-childish caresses, which we're all very well
in the early days, but which become tiresome
as time goes on and the gravity of life deepens.
And then when the man either quietly keeps
them off, or brusqaely repels them, they are
hurt and miserable, and think the whole hap
piness of their lives is dead, and all that makes
marriage beautiful at an end. What is to be
done to balance things evenly in this unequal
world of sex? What, indeed, is to be done at
any time to reconcile strength with weakness,
and to give each its due? One thing, at least,
is sure. The more thoroughly women learn the
true nature of men, the fewer mistakes they
will make and Che less unhappiness they will
create for themselves; and the more patient
men are with hysterical excitability, the rest
less craving, which nature Cor some purpose, at
present unknown, has made the special tenn
perament of women, the fewer temmes incon..
prises there will be in married happiness. All
ones theories of domestic life come down at
last to the give and take system, to bearing and
meeting half way idiosyncrasies which one does
not personally share.