The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-03-17
HuInOI'.
A CRATE nuisance-Bad coal.

A CRATE nuisance-Bad coal.
WHAT is the sun by trade? A tam
ner.
COMMON sucrs-Lawyers.
THEY have "Poor Mans Club in
Cairo.
The French question-Is it TO be
Gambetta-or worse?
A GOOD way to expand your chest
carry a big heart in it.
TWENTY quires make one ream one
Ream makes statue.
The oldest volumes are volumes of
water, and they circulate all over the
world.
Why ought crockery to know when
it is going to be broken? Because 1T
must be aware.
COOP resolutions are like ladies who
faint in ecture-room-they should be
carried out.
A THIEF who lately broke open gro
GERS warehouse excused himself on the
plea that he only went to take tea.
A Missouri lady waved red flag,
stopped the train, and asked the con-
ductor for chew of tobacco for her old
man.
We saw sad-looking white horse
yesterday on which some one had stem
cilled: Goats wanted. Inquire within"
"YoU seem to walk more erect than
usual, my friend" eyes, | have been
Strengthened by circumstances"
A LADY Boosting of the progress made
by her son in arithmetic, remarked,
He is in his modification table"
THERE is lad of our acquaintance
who regards hunger and the Christening
rod as about the same thing; both make
the boy holler.
WHY is a cab horse the most miserable
Of all created beings? Because his
thoughts are ever on the rack, and his
greatest JOY is Woe
A NEW YORK paper translates the
title of William l., Z" Kaiser md Schirm-
herr von Deutschland,n Emperor
and Protector of Germany En-
peror and Umbrella owner Of Germany"
,Schirm being also the German for UNI
brella.
BIG sister: 'Oh, papa, | must 90 to
hear Nilsson. You know | am fond Of
music Juvenile brother triumphant
| ly): "Then why don't you let me play
on my drum? ?"
"THERE was an old family fuel be-
tween them," was what the principal in
Chicago murder case said to the jury.
The Judge asked her if she didn't mean
"feud,' and she asked him who was
telling the story
A LITTLE Boston girl assured her
mother, the other day, that she had
found out where they made horses
"she had seen man in a shop Just
finishing one of them, for he was mailing
on his last foot
A CERTAIN lecturer quoted the Miltonic
couplet =
But come thou goddess. fair and free
In heaven yclep'd Euphrosyne;
and had the pleasure of reading the
next morning the following phono-
graphic transformation.
But came that goddess, fair and free,
In heaven she crept, and froze her knee.
THEY never will get done abusing Mr..
Greeleys handwriting. The other day
he wrote puff for "Anna Dickinson's
lecture on Joan of Are The compositor
set it up, Any Dutchman can't play
iewsharp." There is no wonder the good
old man gets soured against humanity,
and often speaks out in meeting.--N 7,
Democrat.
THE Aroostook Me- Pioneer says: One
evening last week couple of chaps, evil
IDENTITY from the rural districts, came
into the telegraph Office for the purpose
of sending dispatch. The message
was taken by the operator, and the pair
proceeded down stairs. They had just
reached the sidewalk when the gong at
the Smell House was sounded for tea;
whereupon one Of the pair went into
the air several feet, exclaiming, 4" By
Jerusalem there it goes, jim ~
An ice merchant in Greenwich Conn,
who had been watching his pond all
winter with almost prayerful interest, in
hope Of freeze, visited it one day, af-
ter sharp, cold night, stepped on the
ice, and, finding it would bear him. ex-
claimed, "Thank God y Going still
further on the pond, he exclaimed
more fervently, "Thank God T. But
on venturing trihe further and CO.
ing up to his neck, he calculated louder
and heartier, damn the ice!''
A WILL filed in the San Francisco Pro
bate Court reads San Francisco, Jan.
%, 1S71-All and any property stand
ing in my name, real and personal,
leave to my wife, Mary Anderson, and
likewise my two daughters, Mary and
Jennie.-John Anderson" The two
daughters anxiously inquire whether
they are part of the legacy, or sharers
in it.