The Cairo daily bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1870-1872, 1871-07-02
THE BULLETIN.
Publication once. bulletin building,
washington Avenue.
A FRAUD.

AGRICULTURE DENOUNCED IN RAcY TERMS
1.-THE BAsEsT FRAUD OF EARTH"
a writer in the Cincinnati Times, having
perused Horace Grccley's book about farm
ing, with the Immediate effect of becoming
muddlcd, indts the following which he is
careful to explain is mot by Ii. g."
The basost fraud Of earth is agriculture.
The dcadliest ignis fatuuS that ever glittered
to beguile, and dazzled to betray is agri-
culture. / speak with feeling on this sub
jet, for I've been glittered and beguiled,
and dazzled and destroyed by this same
arch deceiver.
She has made me thousand premises,
and broken every one of them.
She has promised me early potatoes, and
the rain has drowned them; late potatoes,
and the drouth has withered them.
She has promised me summer squashes,
and the worms have eaten them, winter
squashcs, and the bugs have devoured them
She has promised cherries, and the cur
culio has stung them, and they contain live
things, uncomcly to the eye and unsavory
| to the taste.
She has promised straw berries, and the
young chickens have envelopod them, and
the eye cannot see them.
She has promised tomatoes, and the old
| mems nave encOfnphsscu tncHli anu thc nhnu
cannot reach them.
No wonder Cain killed his brother. lie
was a tller Of the ground. The wonder is
that he didn't kill his father, and then
weep because he didn't have grandfather
10 kill.
No doubt his early rose potatoes, for
which he paid Adam 81 barrel, had been
cut down by bugs from the headwaters Of
the Euraphates. His Pennsylvania wheat
had been winter-killed, and wasn't worth
cutting. His Norway oats had gone 10
straw, and would not yield five pecks per
acre, and his black Spanish watermelons,
had been stolen by boys who had pulled up
the vines, broken down his patent picket
| fence, End written scurrilous doggerel all
over his back gate. No wonder he felt
mad when he saw Abel whistling along
with his fno French merinoes, worth SO q
head, and wool going up every day. No
wonder he wanted to kin somebody, and
thought he'd practice on Abel.
And Noah's getting drunk was not at all
surprising. He had become husband
man. He had thrown away magnificent
opportunities. He might have had mo-
nopoly Of any profession or business. Had
| he studied medicine there would not have
been another doctor within q thousand
miles TO call him ''quack; tand every fami.
ly would have bought bottle of "Nsah, 4
compound extract of Gopher Wood and
An,i-D eluge Syrup" As n politician, he
might have carried his own ward solid, and
controlled, ,two-,hird Of the delegates in
every convention. Asa lawyer, he would
have been retained in every case tried at
the Ararat quarter session; or the old Ark
high court Of admiralty. But he threw
away all Of these advantages and took TO
agriculture. For long time the ground
was so wet that he could raise nothing
but sweet flag and bull rushes, and these
at last became drug in the market.
| What wonder that when at last he did
get half peck of grapes that were not
stung to death by Japhets honey bees,
| he should have made wine and drowned
his sorrows in flowing bowl
! The fact is, agriculture would democrat
! lie saint. / was almost a saint when
went into it. Tn a demon now. Tn
at war with everything. fight myself out
OF bed at 4 o clock when all my better ma.
ture tells me to lie still till I. j fight
| myself into the garden to work like a
brute when reason and instinct tell me TO
stay in the house and
enjoy myself like man. l
fight the pigs, the chickens, the moles, the
birds, the bugs, the worms everything
in which Is the breath Of life. / fight the
docks, the burdocks, the mullens, the this
ties, the grapes, the weeds, the roots-the
whole vegetable Kingdom. l fight the
heat the frost the rain, the hail-in short,
| fight the universe, and get whipped in
every battle. ] have no more admiration
to waste on the father of George Washing
ton for forgiving the destruction of his
cherry tree. A cherry tree is only a cur
culio nursery, and the grandfather of mis-
country knew it. ] have half u dozen
cherry trees, and the day my young
George Washington is six years old III
give him Ratchet and tell him to down
with every cherry tree on the place.