Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-01-13
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Waiting ambition burglars.
The most successful capital removers-
bank robbers.
When maiden gets married she ends a
missrent life.
How was the ark propelled? Bya Noah.
Of course.
The only Organ without stops-ths organ
of speech in woman.
Wanted fresh covering for the bell
that was peale1.
Often man drives pair Of grays, while
he himself is driven by duns.
An editor thinks that ten pounds Of sau-
sages for dollar ia dog cheap.
A western editor reports money close,
but not close enough to be reached
Nothing conquers obstinacy like cold
weather-it brings every man to his sneeze
A crusty old bachelor says he thinks it is
a woman and not her wrongs that ought to
be redressed
What is the difference between hill and
pill? One is hard to get up, and the 9th
er is hard to get down.
Lawyer-A learned gentleman who res
cues your estate from your enemy and Keeps
it himself
Lucy Store likens boys to vinegar the
more s.mother" in them the sharper they
are.
Man may be worm; but glance at the
dandies prove that he is not the worm that
never dyes.
No cards, no cakes, no company, no
body's business was recently appended to
a marriage notice out West
BOY, what does your mother do for a
living?:' was asked of little barefooted fel-
low. She eats cold victuals.'
A Texan managed to spell every word
wrong on short sign, which read: KNEW
Syder Fur Sail
Some men have little coin ia their purse,
but this is made up in abundance OF brass
in the countenance
An experienced old gentleman says that
all that is necessary in the enjoyment of
love or sausages is confidence.
Anybody can lead horse to drinking
place but nobody can force him to drink
How different it is with men!
What are you doing? said father to bis
son who was tinkering at an old watch. I'm
proving my time. was the witty rejoinder.
Swinging is said by the doctors to be very
good exercise for persons health; but ma
nv poor wretch has come to his death by
it.
Mrs Partington wants to know, if it were
not intended that women should drive their
husbands why are they put through the bril-
die ceremony?
A little boy hearing his father speak about
the war in progress in Europe, said. Which
had you rather belong to, father, an engine
company or a battle?
Joe Coburn's wife complains that be has
given another woman set of jewelry,
wh.reupon Joseph settled the matter by CIV
ing her set-to
Timed meats are now plentifully import.
ed. The perfection of this branch of indus
try will be arrived at when we can get the
meat without the tim.
How can I expand my chest? an extor-
tionate man asked of physician. BY car
rying a good large heart in it, replied the
Doctor
An Irishman, in recommending COW,
remarked, She will give milk year after
year withou having calves, because she came
of COW that never had a CALF
A medical student says be has never been
able to di, cover the bone Of contention, and
desires to know whether it is not situated
very near the jaw bone
A Minnesota Sunday-school boy shocked
his teacher, who asked what he had learned
during the week, by the answer that he mad
learned not to trump his partners ace
In Boston poor man who, less than one
year ago. had only one suit Of clothes, went
into the newspaper business, and now he has
eight suits. Seven of them are for libel.
An afflicted husband was returning from
the funeral of his wife, when friend asked
him how he was. well, said he, patheti-
cally, I think I feel the better for that little
walk
A DetEoiter who took flask Of whiskey
with him on shooting trip. struck race
track in the suberbs 90 his return aud walk
round it all night. wondering why he didn't
get to town.
Cant you manage to give my son one Of
the prizes at the exhibition? asked q mother |
of q teacher. No. madam was the reply, !
your son will stand no chance; he obstinate |
ly persists in idieness' oh, but then ex.
claimed the fond mamma, If that is 10, give
him prize for perseverance,
MARY Magdalen had seven devils cast
out of her. | never heard of man having
seven devils cast out Of him. growled an
old bachelor in the course Of discussion on
the woman question: No. they are no.
cast out yet, / believe was the quiet res
ponse Of his fair antagonist.
A young man from the country was sup
ping with some city acquaintance chiefly |
females Thinking to have fun at his ex-
pense, one of the girls said to him: You
country folks don't often drink genuine tea,
and perhaps you weuld prefer the adultera-
ted stuff. Now, what kind would you like?
If it's all the same to you. I'd like \ little
civilitea, mixed with q little modes-tea
combination see you have not got
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