The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1871-01-16
After Cats, or the TribulationS Of
Living in Row.

The fact that Mr.. Oliver lived in uni
form row Of housesin the fourteenth ward
was the reason why he was unfortunate
One moonlight night, Inst week, tho noise
made by the cats on tho roof was simply
awful. Mr.. Oliver lay in bed, trying Ii
vain to get to sleep, grinding his teeth
with rage, until Mt last tho uproar over
head became uncomfortable. Mr.. Oliver
crcpt out Of bed softly, so that his wife
would not be awakened. lie put on his
slippers, seized boot with each hand, and
clad in the snowy robes Of night, ht
opened the trap.door, and emerged on the
roof There were thirty or forty cats out
there holding q kind OF general synod ii
the cool of tho evening, enjoying thu
bracing air, and singing glces. As Mr.
Oliver approached, the cats moved over
10 the next roof. Mr.. Oliver advanced
and flunga boot at them. They then ad'
iourned suddenly 10 the next residence,
Mr.. Oliver projected another boot, and
went over after the first one. In this
manner thesynod rctrcatcd, and Oliver nd
vanced, until the last row Of 90 houses was
reached, when the cats arranged them.
selves In line along tho parapet, ruflled
up their fur, curved their spincs and spat
ilriously at Oliver That bold warrior
gathered up his boot and determined to
retreat. He walked over dozen houses
and descended through u trap door. He
went down stairs 10 his bedroom, and
opened the door. There wasa man in the
room in the act Of walking up and down
with q baby. Before Oliver recovered
from his amazemcnt, tho man flung the
baby on the bed, and seizing q revolver
began firing rapidly ut Oliver. 1t thcr
dawned upon Oliver that he had come
down tho wrong trap.door. He proceed
cd up stairs again suddenly, the man will
the revolver practicing at him in painful
manner. When Oliver reached the dool
he closed the trap quickly and stood upon
1t. The man fired through tho boards
twice, and then hooked the door upon the
inside. Amoment after Oliver heard him
springing watchman's rattle from the
front window. As soon as tue neighbors
knew there was q man on the roof, they
oil flew up stairs and fastened their
trap.doors, and Mrs. Oliver fastened hers
with the firm conviction that some preda'
tory william had entered while she slept
and stole her Oliver. When he tried the
door It was fast, and Mrs, oliver was
screaming so tlercely that he could not
make himself heard. By this time the
street was filled with policemen, all o.
whom were blazing away at Oliver with
revolyers, while the young mon In the
houses across the street kept up q steady
fire with pistols, shot.guns and miscella.
neous missiles. Oliver, with every ad'
vantage Of forming IN opinion, said that
Gettysburg was o mere skirmish to It HC
Ind behind tho chimney and lay up
against the bricks 10 keep himself warm
while the policemen stationed themselves
all around the square to capture him
wien he would slide down one Of the wa
ter spouts. But Oliver did not slide &c
sat out on the roof all night, with the bit
ter Dir circulating through his too trialng
garments, listening TO tho yowllng cats
and the occasional shouts from tho picket
line below, and thinking Of the old Jews
who Used 10 pray from their house.tops,
and wondering II Musselnlen were ever
shot at or bothered with cats and police
men when they practiced their evening
deyotions on their roots. And then he
wondered how It would do TO take off his
niEht.shirt and wave II over the edge as q
flag Of trucel He concluded not TO, be-
cause Of tho danger Of a bullet from some
misguided policeman not familiar with the
rules Of war. When daylight came, the
nclghbors rallied In o crowd, armed with
all kinds Of weapons from howitzers
down, and mounted to tho roof. 0livel
was taken down and put 70 bed, and he
now Inns more influenza for o man Of his
size than any other citizen Of the four
tecnth ward. He says be Is going to
move Us soon as he gets well-he Is going
TO move into o house that Is next to no
body, u house that stands In the middle
Of d prairie Of some kind, and he intends
to stencil his name In white on the trap
door.