The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1871-11-18
Wit and HumOr.

| 'PA DE DEUX The father of twins.
GEORGIA. has town named
cousin John"
THE cup after the cup that cheers
The hic-cup.
| JOSH BILLINGS says knowing how to
sit square on bile, without hurting,
is one of the lost arts. :"
! LOUISVILLE undertahers are selling
| their summer collins in order to make
way for the ''unique and handsome
winter styles.
WHEN we read the interminable sen
fences of some writer's, we cannot help
thinking that their readers are in dan
ger of being sentenced to death.
! The recipe for .'stunting pet poo
! Dies" is given by the Boston Post :
Feed them with laudanum and keep
| them III warm ovens.
| PRooF POSITIVE. Good young lady
Little boy, have you ever been bap-
! tised ~ Small heathen-" Oh, yes,
mum; I've the marks here on my arm.
Judy.
\ REVEREND Baltimorean boasts of
having converted " 1900 little chill
dren last year. To what did he convert
them! In their natural condition we
are told that "of such is the kingdom
of Heaven"
IT is cheerful to be sitting in u rail
road car going at the rate of forty miles
an hour. and have Il man pass through
the train and leave tract in your lap,
entitled d" Prepare to Meet Your God. "
\ MINISTER III Indiana became mixed
up in land speculations aud an
nounced to his congregation that his
text would be found III est Paul's
Epistle to the Corinthians, section four,
range three, west. .
\ NEW style of obituary item-brief
but to the point-has been invented
thus John Smith, of New York,
revolver; :" " @. Jenkins, Of Philadel-
phia, third-story window :" "Ann
Jones, of New Jersey, laudanum.
There are two ways of doing it, -
said Pat to himself, as he stood mus
ing and waiting for a job on the street
corner IF ! save me 1000 | must
lay me up 5000 Il year for twenty years,
or | can put away $50 year for two
hundred years. Now, which way will
/ do it "
"WHY don't you trade with me y
asked a close listed Troy brakeman of
Il friend the other day. The reply was
| characteristic. You never asked me,
/ sir. | have looked all through the
papers for an invitation in the shape of
! on advertisement, and found none. |
never go where | am not invited"
MIR. Brown, you said the defend
ant WAS honest and intelligent. What
makes you think so? Are you ac
quainted with him 2" "No, sir, have
never seen him" "Why then do you
come to such conclusion?' BE
cause he takes ten newspapers, and
pays for them III advance" Verdict
for defendant.
\ Hartford editor having twitted an
editor in a neighboring city of being
bald, subsequently apologlzed, and ex-
planned that, cas- long as -- can fold
his ears over the top of his head he
doesn't need any hair anyhow"
4 LADY teacher in an Iowa school
made boy stand up and show how he
kissed the big girls in the woodshed, III
hopes that he would shed tears and
promise to do SO no more. All the boys
are leaving the other schools now, and
going to this lady teacher
MAR, why don't you speak asked
little Jake Why don't you say
suthin' funny ~ What can ! say
Don't you see [ IN busy frying dough
nuts Say something funny, indeed -
wal, yer might say Jake, won't yer
hev a cake!' That 'ud be funny Tor
yOu."
GRACE GREENWOOD, III one of her re-
cent letters said: Il drove a spike on
the Denver and Rio Grande Railway.
1t was cruel tax on my muscular
| Christianity. The newspaper reporter
umphantly;' but | really thought it
| would not go home till morning." e
| AT late term of court i'll Machsas,
/ Me, i'll d prosecution for selling rum,
! the jury returned verdict of "not
guilty" plainly in defiance of the evi-
! dcnce, whereupon Judge Barrows told
! them, in 50 many words. that they were
a disgrace TO the county. The man
was prosecuted again and convicted.
One of our vicinity deacons nearly
captured five boys who had been de
vastatIng his chestnut trees, Sunday
afternoon, Shaking his fist after THEN
retreating forms he angrily shouted :
"The sneaking little devils if | had
hold of 'em one minute, I'd" and
then suddenly espying his pastor on
the scene, he impressively added, 81 d
pray for 'em Danbury Nc1cs
"Now, gentlemen, " said peripate-
tic lecturer, to a somewhat noisy crowd
who had gathered to one of his seances
III an Eastern village, chow would you
like good blackguard story9 All il
favor Will raise their hands" Nine,
tenths Of the dexter paws present in
stantly went up, and there was Il sud
den hush of all noisy demonstration.
The lecturer went on with his original
subject for few minutes, when some
incautious individual broke out with
Say, where's that story?" ''BIesS
you, was the reply, q did not intend
to tell you any such story. | only
wanted to know how many blackguarts
were present. You might have heard
a pin drop any time during the lecture
after that.