Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-10-06
HunOr.


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Dead beats-extinct drummers.
Disease Of the est-insolveucy.
Adding insult to injury-trusting man
and then asking him to pay you
A man who has no bills against him be.
longs to the highest order of nobility.
Why is a grain of sand in the eye like
schoolmastor's cane Because it hurts the
pupil.
How easy it is to beggar shoemaker.
Purloin one of his instruments and you take
away his awl
Miss Phelps says there is no use quar-
reling with woman, the press, railroad
company, or the telegraph.
A friend, speaking of blind wood saw
yer, says: While none ever saw him see,
thousands have seen him sov
The difference between the school.boy
and the clerk-boy is, that one stores the
mind, and the other minds the store.
Salt is the subject of a school boys la
test composition: The salt is spice which
spoils the potatoes, if you forget to put it
on
A Burlington young lady says the arm
less woman Of Barnum's show writes very
good foot Yet she cannot deny that the
lady is handy.
Farmer-'Well, my man, how much do
you want day?' Irish laborer-'Shillin'
day and ate me, or eighteen pence day,
and ate meself'
The following toast was read at ban
quet not long since: The Ladies, God
bless them, are the only cure for the palpi-
tation Of the heart
How much money could be made by buy.
ing some people at their own price and sell
ing them at the price the public puts on
them? Answer-0000.
A good book and good woman, are ex.
cellent things for those who know how just
ly to appreciate their value. There are
men, however, who judge from the beauty
Of their covering.
On hearing the report that the shocking
condition OF the fremens' hose has resulted
in the destruction Of large amount Of
property, woman sat up all night darning
her husbands stockings
Come here Felix, you said the letter E
was glutton, how do you know it ? Be
cause be changes fasts into feasts, is inyari-
ably the first to commence eating, and is al
ruavo ha loot ITO tobIo
A Warsaw man saw war among the
wives and widows of Warsaw, and remarks
that "of all the wars we ever saw, we never
saw war like that war we saw among the
wives and widows of Warsaw"
A young miss in recitation in geogra-
ply, informed her astonished teacher that
the mammoth caravan. in Kentucky, is
the greatest living curiosity, and has been
exploded ten miles from lis mouth.
sMr. JONES' says Mrs Jones, with an
air OF triumph, don't you think marriage
is means of gracep We'll, yes, growled
Jones, I suppose anything is means of
grace that breaks down pride and leads to
repentance
Two mothers were boasting Of the achieve
ments of their respective only children.
Said one: MY son blew out the candle
when he was seven months old = 'Ah 2 re-
piled the other, "a boy who blows out the
candle at seven months will never set the
world on fire.
PUNcTUALITY - If | am not at home
from the party tonight at ten o'clock, said
a husband to his better and bigger half,
don't wait for me- That l won't signf.
eantly replied the lady; L won't wait, but
I'll come after you The gentleman re-
turned at ten o'clock precisely.
THE WuY.--The following brief poem,
contribution to Wisconsin journal, is
equally we'll calculated" for other lati.
tudes:
[ know woman, pale and slight,
With heart in hopeless mood,
Who often tolls throughout the night
To earn her husbands food.
While he. in strength of manhood's power,
Some gay saloon will seek,
And spend more money in an hour
Than she earns in week.
SETTLING A HYpocHoNDR1Ac.-Atr trader