The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-11-03
scrssoRaNGs.

4 TrDr DRISK-Neat brandy
Punch.
A TAIL That NEVER wAes-A cart
tail.
UNpLEAsANr STRAINS OF Music
Cracked voices.
MAIDS OF HONOR Those who do
not jilt their suitors.
WHY is feeble old man like nail
driven up to the head in a post t?--He
is in firm.
"WHAT" asked Margarita of Cecilia,
s'what, dearest, do you think is real
ly the food of Cupid?' And Cecilia
answered, "Arrowrroot. =
A corEapoRARY says: 1.-THE weather
has been so severe at Victoria Isl ainl
that several peasants (sic) have died
of cold in returning home from mar
ket."
A PROFESSIONAL VIEW or Tunes
When our schoolmaster. who is fond
of pedestrian exercise, sets out for q
walk Of several miles, he always says
that he is going for good long spell
in the country.
A BLIND mendicant who fragments
the Rue st. Honore has the following
announcement affixed to his bosom
Blind! Father of four children
the result of a terrible accident?'
A PERSON who was sent to prison for
marrying two wives, excused himself
by the gross libel on the gentle sex,
that when be had one she fought him,
but when he got two they foughteach
other.
AN Englisbman having paid an
Irish shoeblack with rudeness, was
thus accosted by the dirty urchin:"
My honey. all the polish you have
is upon your boots, and l guy you
that"
The financial editor of the Benping-
ton Banner reports marriages dull, en-
acknowledgement. courtships good
and prime. scandal -overstoeked,
bellies plenty, beaux scarce, and of
poor quality. 80
REMARKABLE CONDITION. In the ago
ny column OF the Echo the following
/ lately appeared: ''Ihomas House,
who left his home on Wednesday, is
earnestly requested to write TO his
unhappy wife, if he is alive. "
/ 4 PROVINCIAL mayor says in his an
nual message: As the eastern hor
izon OF the present is made glorious
with its bealning rays of opportunity,
/ SO may the sunset hour of the future,
/ by the refractive influences of faith
I ful duty, greet US with its gorgeous
lpanoPiy OF prismatic light.
1 MAGsILooUExr colonel was recent
/ ~ complaining at an evening part,
ton of the officers he was obliged to
do iha whole duty of the. regiment.
Said he, Il am nv own major, my
own captain, my own lieutenant. my
Own ensign, my own sergeant, and
lour own trampete., said IA
LADY present.
4 MAN lost hi, wife. and had stone
erected.oyer her grave. He married
second wife; when she died be had
the graves.one split, and it thus serv-
Ell for the two depar:eds. lie pro-
10 ed to u third; put she declined
the offer, with the remark, Il do no
believe that stone will split again.
RIYALaY in trade is shown in the
case of two sausage dealers in Paris
with shops adjoining. one of them
has painted on his glass window, over
a pyramid of sausages, cat thirty
centimes pound-to pay more is to
be robbed" while the other puts his
saasages into an obelisk, and paints
above it, ''At forty centirnes pound
Ito pay less is to be poisoned.
a YAykEE, South, has struck for
tune by inventing Il certain turpen-
! tine soap, which is advertised to kill
the offensive smell OF the niegers.
The colored population and carpet
bag2ers are selling their last shirt to
raise money to bay it. One nigger
came near killing hnnselfat Memphis,
by taking cake of it internally.
ISFEREsTIaL.-A mother, who had
with her little daughter, was exam
lining the figure of ii horse on tomb
stone, and wondering of what it was
an emblem There was nothing to
explain it in the inscription. NAM
ma, said the little one, as they moved
away, Il shouldn't wonder if she died
of the nightmare.
''MAY it please your honor" said a
lawyer, addressing one of the Judges,
Il brought the prisoner from goal on
a habeas corpus" Well" said a
/ farmer in an under-tone, who stood
at the back of the court, "these law
yers will say anything. I say the
man got out of q cab, at lhe court
door"
| PRESSING AsD SQUEEzISi "A French
man having frequently heard the
word p1'ess made use to imply per-
Hsuade, as "Press that gentleman to
take some refreshn ents,' s'Press him
to, stay te-night," thought he would
show his talents by using synony-
nous term; and therefore made NO
scruple one evening to cry in compa-
ny, ''Pray squeeze that lady to sing. .
/ An Irishman was seen in the trench
es before Vicksburg. holding his hsnd
uahaSe the earth-wofk. His Captain
I'd, "What are you doing that for,
p He replied with grin and a
king of his fingers, 81 am feelin'
furlough, sure = just then a
ball struck his arm below the
Slowly drawing it down, and
ping it, with the other hand to
ain the blood, queer expression
pin and humor passed over his
L. A. e. Il -,