Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-11-11
Facts and sfancles.

a tldy Qrlnk-NeaC Dranuv.
A tail that never wags "A cart tail.
Unpleasant strains of music-Crack-
ed voices.
Maids of honor-Those who do not
jilt their suitors.
When a lady faints, what figure does
she need You may bring her 2.
Some husbands. though anything
but sharp, are awiully shrewd
Brigham Young is three score aud
ten, so are his wives.
Few amateurs can play Shylock-
Few actors can do jew.
In regard to newspapers, young la
dies prefer those which make the most
hustle.
Woman's rights women may yet as
pire to position IN the navy; Lots wife
was an old salt.
It's your tall fellows who are luckiest
in love- Your ladies are all in favor OF
Hy>men.
Why is feeble man like a nail driven
up to the head in a post ?--Ho is in
firm.
Josh Billings says "knowing how to
sit square on bile, without hurting, is
one of the lost arts.
4 young girl may be sure man
loves her unutSerably when he sits in
her presence for an hour without speak
ing,
When Horace Greely is asked what
kind of music he prefers, he answers,
" the song of the harvest, three beets
to the measure
What" asked Margarita of Cecilia,
''what, dearest, do you think is really
the food Of Cupid 2" And Cecilia
answered, 'Arrow-root"
A Western paper accuses a contcm~
pOrary of dirty meanness, and frankly
adds: I'VE want him to understand
that two can play at that game "
"Why do you call me birdie, my
dear? 2" inquired wife of her husband
"Because" was the answer, YOU are
always associated in my mind with
bill"
A man named Pepper gave a party,
and one of his guests on entering the
room exclaimed My dear Mr. Pep
per how glad you must be to see your
friends mustered -
A blind mcndicant who frequcnts the
Rue St iIonorc has the following an
nouncem ut affixed to his bosom -
"BIind Father oF four chi!dten- The
result Of a terrible accident 2"
4 person VINO was sent to prison FIR
marrying two wives. excused hlm>cII
by the gross libel Oh the geutlc sex.
that when he had one she fought him.
but when he got two they Tough: each
other
An Englishman having paid an Irish
shoeblack with rudeness, was tlus ac-
costed by the " dirty urchin - My
honey, all the polish you have is upon
your boots, and | guv you that "
An old farmer, who was asked By an
impertinent attorney if there were any
pretty girls in his ne.hborhool, an.
swcred " Yes, sir, lots of EN- 80
many that they can't all find rcspccta~
bic husbands, and lately some of ems
been taking up with lawyers"
II was not aware that You knew him, 4"
said Tom Smith to an Irish friend the
other day. "Know him 2" said he. iu
tone which mprchended tho know
ledge Of more than one life, Il knew
him when his father was boy
81 believe that mine will be the fate
Of Abel, said devoted wife to her hus.
band one day. Glow so?" replied the
husband. because Abel was killed
by club, and your club will XII me if
you continue to go to it every night"
They were discussing a masquerade
and endeavorlng to select the characters
in which they should go. " How shall
| 60 % said our very tall and slender
friend William. "Chalk your head and
60 as billiard cue" was the responcc.
"Tell that man to take off his hat in
court," said judge, the other morn
ing, to an officer. The offender, who
| turned out to be woman, wearing the
fashionable sailor hat, Indignantly ex-
claimed, II am no man sir" Then
| am no Judge" said his honor.