The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1871-04-20

''.Sir," said another, "wedon't know
; who you are, but we must request you
to withdraw
"AllOw me to introduce myself"
said Tom, with much mock gravity.
II am Mr.. Tom PbultOn whose funer-
al You attended this morning" And
he took chair and filed a pipe.
IF you imagine, sir, that beceuse
/. you bear a certain resemblance 70 our
poor friend Tom POultOn, you are Just
flied in hOrrifying his friends with g
highly indecent practical joke" be-
gah Peter HOdgsOn."
"A distant resemblanceIT
"a very distant and shadowy re-
+ sem5lance, sir. Nothing more, I as
sure you"
: Don't be a fool, Peter" said Tom;
we've had enough ofthis, haven't we
Dick?"
1--WE have, sir, said Dick; az must
insist on your Withdrawing immedi-
ateIy."
"Come, come,T said Tom. rather
chOpfallen; cit vas only my joke
I 1 personated a poor old chap who
happened to bear my name, in order
to sell you all. Dick HodgsOn and
/ arranged it together, didn't we
Dick y,
"Sir,h said Dick, 81 haven't the
pleasure of your acquaintance. You
will be good enough to Withdraw, or
we shall be under the necessity Of ex-
pelling you by force"
} And as the members ofthe club rose
in a body with the evident intention of
carrying Dick HOdgsOn's threat into
/ effect, Mr. Tom POulton withdrew with
a very blank expression Of counte-
nance.
: In order to test the feelings of the
club on the subject, il was immediate
/ ly proposed by Mr.. Dick Harris and
. seconded by Mr.. Peter Hodgson, Mr..
Tom POultOn was dead and buried
The motion was carried by acclama-
ton.
II was then proposed by Mr.. Peter
Hodgson and seconded by Mr.. Dick
Harris, that if, by any miracle, Mr..
Tom POultOn came to life again the
whole of the legacy should be refund
ed to him, if possible, without driving
him into ehancery for its recovery
This motion wa also caried by accla-
nation.
Finally it was proposed by Mr.. Dick
Harris and seconded by Mr.. Peter
HOdgson, that the person who had
just represented himself to be Tom
POulton restored to life was not in the
least like Tom PoultOn, and that he
had no claim, and never by any
possibility could have any claim, to
the legacy in question. And this
motion was also carried by acclama-
ton.
The question was considered settled
by all but Tom POultOn himself.
Tom POultOn besieged the club doors
day after day, but to no effect. The
hall porter-they had started a hall
porter and many other cOnveniences
since Tom POultOn's death-had re-
ceiYed strict injunctiOns not to admit /
any person calling himself Tom Poul- /
ton. He treated Tom kindly enough, /
believing him to be n harmless mono I
maniac, but no consideration could /.
induce him to admit Tom within the I
club threshold.
Tom next tried tie parish surgeon I
who gave the certificlte of the dead I
Tom POultOn's death. But all the 1
surgeon could prove was that the Tom .
POultOn who died was not like the /
On the whole, this materially strength I
ened the clubs case; particularly as
the description given by the surgeon
of the dead Tom POu!tOn's personal 1
appearance correspondent exactly with /
every ember's recollection of the un-
fortunate chairman of the Serious
Family. 1t was finally voted that,
on the surgeons evidence poor
Tom Poulton was more dead that
ever.
Do what he might, Tom PouIton
could not prove himself to be alive
He appealed with some pecuniary I
loss to his tradesmen for identifica-
ton. They identified him without
hesitation as the Tom POultOn who
owed them money, but they furnished
no clue that could serve to identify
him with the Tom POulton who had
been Chairman of the Serious Fam
lily.
He never rested. He prepared petit h
tions, bnt no one would present them.
He commenced actions, but he broke
down at the declaration for want of
money. He called day after day at 4
the club, but the hall porter was ada
mant. He addressed letter after letter .
to every member of the club, and in
closed stamped envelopes for reply /
but they tore up the envelopes and
applied the stamps to other uses.
At first these appeals amused the
club immensely but after six or eight
months persecution the Family be-
gan to get tired of it. The soi-disant
Tom POultOn was voted a bore, and
at length it was sOlemnly proposed
that negotiations should be opened
ed with him with the view of arriv-
ing at some compromise. Mr.. Tom [
was formally invited into the
but he was informed that {
for the purposes of that meeting
his name was Major General Arthur /
Tom was reduced to that
condition of self-abnegatiOn that he {
really had no objection to this arrange
ment.
1t was then and there arranged with
Major General Arthur Fitzpatrick that
so long as Tom Potion continued to be
dead, an annual salary of one hun
dred pounds should continue to be paid
quarterly to the Major General by the
of the Serious Family. The
Major General accepted this PROPOSE
tion with alacrity, and he was forth
with elected an honorary life member
Of the Serious Family, vice Tom Poul-
ton, deceased.
And Major General Fitzpatrick ac-
cepted his election, and eventually be-
came chairman of the club. And {
poor Tom PoultOn lies dead and bur- :
led at salary of a hundred year,
payable quarterly in advance. On {
One occasion, indeed, when the Major :
Generals quarterly installment was (
some three weeks in arrears, poor Tom !
POulton showed strong signs of revi- !
but his disturbed spirit was {
eventually appeased by an additional
advance of five pounds on account of ]
the Major Generals next quarters
salary.