Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1871-04-21
IuurI tut 3umorists.

NOOh NOhlNA OdANSA Ill OASe ANAAAs
Borrowed disbursement sermons. !
Good winter motto-I ct the world !
slide. *
The right fur FOR q little mink
Mink's fur.
Tie ignorant druggists mortar is a |
pestilence.
How to make hot bed-sct the
mattrass on fire.
If yoL have a good thing. adver-
tise it. If not, don't.
The inhabitants of Sardinia are
not Sardines. E
An unavoidable breach of peace
the stock Of gun.
Brother Jonathan's psalm Of
Life. "-Unclt Sam. ...t
The favori,e cake for prize-fghters
Pound cake. T
A fshmonger in London advertises
Alabama clans
The Augusta Journal speaks #
raising pigs as horticulture -
Photography has been aptly desert
bed as the foe-toe graphic art.
A legitimate inference = that a
dentists office is q drawing-room. 8
A question for TaturaIists- ought
quadrupcd to be called fore runner?
Adding insult to injury-Fruotins
Il man and then asking him to pay
youI
The sinners of way-Sutlers. WHO
seek the bubble reputation at the
soldiers mouth.
Lille is the fashionable name for
young ladies' this year. No family
should be without it.
To prepare a hot bed-Into one
warming pan put two live Goals; mix
judiciously and waggle.
How easy it is to begger a shoema-
ker. Purloin one of his instruments
and you take away his awl.
Miss Phelps says there is no use
quarreling with a woman, the press.
a railroad company, or the telegraph.
We heard of a man the other day
wEo is so mean, that when he weeps he
saves the tears to secure the salt.
The difference between the. shool-
boy and the clerk boy is, that one
stores the mind, and the other minds
the store.
The old gentleman whose memory
carried him long way back. is re-
quested to return to his disconsOlate
friends.
As plain as two and two-Of course
when our better halves rise from the
dinner table and leave us we are half
gone. .-.. r., -
An freshman sent to the WISCONSIN
State prison, being called on to chose
trade, replied that he preferred to
be sailor.
A Connecticut editor announce
that "the voice of the melodious
bull-frog is not yet heard, but the
tree-toad doth sing plaintively."
The news comes from Europethat
bonnets are soon to be larger. 1t is
nearly time to change, and they can.
not we'll be made smaller. 80 : - -
The difference between a watch
key and captain on the lookout FIR
squalls is. that ore winds the watch,
and the other watches the wind. -.
Frugal landlady of boarding house
Oming home tn dinner, Mr.
Brown" Hearty boarder- "Wen,
perhaps, if l don feel hungry"
How much money could be made
by buying some people at their own
price and selling them at the price
the public puts Oh them? Answer
5000.
The light Of other days has hed."
And a good job, too; for who would
like oil lamps in preference to gas?
General Butler is called by the
wOman's Fighters, Rare old Ben
Since Blaine took hold of him, he
may be better described as Butler
well done"
Close up the ranks" is the howl
now of the Radical leaders. Well,
it's a good deal easier to do it now
than it was when the ranks were con
siderably bigger
There is an absurd story Of the la
test agricultural achievement of Gree
ley, that he has succeeded in raising
a barn bat of course, there's nothing
in it.
The Albany Law Journal has this |
quip: Why is a grant of real estate
more valid if made on Sunday? Be
cause the better the day the better
the deed.
Among the "wants" in one of the |
papers is this: Partial board for a
single gentleman; house kept by a |
widow and daughter; Jusses and cars
An Eastern paper heads its culumn
of city news, Our Local Lyrc. -
The head is expressive and appropri |
ate. but the last word in it is evident
y misspelled.
Peace and even the millennium is
possible in Paris :. if not tie lion and
the lamb. certainly the cat and the
rat have lain down togetLer-on the
restaurant tables. r A
An IRISH schoolmaster recently IN
formed his pupils, that the feminine
gender shoald be applied to'all vessels
lhoaL, except mail steamers and nlea-
Of war. "A - ~
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