Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-01-19
Humorous Readings.


A feeting show-A travelling circus,
A selling observation-disclosures
What the ssa-board must be made Of
Beech.
You can't marry a-miss if you marry
widow.
Joint concern - Anxiety about the
butchers bill.
How can you pull house down if you
raze it
A man who drinks drains seldom hes
many scruples. ..
Dangerous associates-Those who al.
dressed to kill"
A literary class-builders, they are al
ways finishing stories.
What relation is the door-mat TO the
scraper? A step-JartEsr.
Gold is the hardest metal-to get.
Punch says that hollow tooth is an
"aching void"
It does not follow because a book is
curtailed that it should also be dog-eared
Ny first is equality, and second in
feriority, and my whole is superiority
Peerless.
A Baltimore grand jury has presented
baseball as one of the gradations Of
crime.
A Judge in Indiana has been named
Old Necessity, because necessity knows
no law"
What leads you to suppose that heas are
more liable to madness than other insects
or animals Because they generally die
cracked.
A genius remarked the other day, with
grave face, that however prudent and
virtuous young widows might be. be had
seen many young widow-err.
An unsuccessful lover was asked by
what means he lost his inamorata. "Alas
cried he, 81 fattered her unit! she became
too proud to speak to me"
''Cease. rude Bolus, clustering railer,
said Mrs Darlington, as she reached out
into the storm to secure a refractory shut
ter. "How it blows" said she, as she shut
down the window. "This must be the
noxious storm, where the sun crosses tn
Penobscot."
It is an error, says the New Yo1k
Leader, to suppose that King William
has a handkerchief with map of EuroPa
printed on il, so that he can poke his nos
| into Alsace and Lorraine without risk BE-
keeps it so that he can blow up French
town or two when he feels like it.
Soon after the death of the poet Words
worth, man met farmer of the neigh
berhood, and said to him, "You have had
| great loss" what loss ~ "Why, you
have lost the great poet" ooh, ay," said
the farmer, che is dead; but an hev II
doubt t wife will carry on the I business
and max it as profitable as iver it was"
Gan astonishing cure for consumption"
as the old lady said when she sprinklea
snuff on the victuals Of her boarders.
boy, why did you take those shingles
last Sunday? z Because mother needed
some kindling wood, and didn't want T.
split wood on Sunday"
A stranger riding about Hartford re
Gently, noticed, in passing over College
| Hill, the fine bronze statue Of the late
| Bishop Brownell, and inquired of the
driver, "WhO l. that II dunno" was
the reply; lone o them brass insurance
men, s'pose."
/ A Western paper noticed the oraui-,
of new whisky store. and the r,ext 5.v
apologized for the brevity of Its local col.
ums, because "the reporter was i'll" Fl
had assisted at the opening.
An enterprising young farmer, alw.r,
on the watch for information, indeed IN
enthusiast in his profession. order. d
Rain upon the mown grass" and found
| that II was-sermons.
a young Philadelphia lawyer wrote to
friend near Chicago, thus is there an
opening in your part Of the coustry that
| can get into r "Yes; in ny back yard
If that will suit, come on"
An Atlanta paper of last week say
"a lady in this city tied her hubby
hands and feet the other day, just for iuu.
and then went through his pockets t5r
certain billet-doux. His physicians rar
that bis face won't be badly SCARED.
though he may remain permanently bald
Il think says Dr.. John Brown Of Edin-
burg, that every family should have q
dog. 1t is like a perpetual baby; md
then 1t betrays no secrets, never sulks,
asks no Troublesome questions, never gels
into debt, never comes down late to
breakfast-and is always ready for bit
of fun
A fellow, on settling his bill, the land
lord charged him seven dollars dav for
five days Didn't you make a mistake p
No" "1ou did, you thought you gol
all the money had, bat you are mistaken
| have whole purse full in another poe
ket."
A Georgia editor says that twsnty-four
heather Chinese walked into his sanctum
the other day, and through the medium
of an interpreter paid for twenty-four
subscriptions to his paper. The editor
wondered what they wanted Of an Eng
lish paper, and he was informed that the7
took it for the pictures" in II, the pape-
having COstsr's rat cut, catarrh cut,
guano trade mark, and an umbrella "pir-
ture."
The night editor of a daily paper wrote
this head to one of his cable dispatches
The British lion shaking his msne.7 He
was unable to eat his breakfast next NOR
ming when he found the printers version
of the matter staring him in the face thus
"The British lion skating in Maine"
THE PUBLIC SCHOOLS OF CHICAGO
Nothing is more honorable to Chicago
than the advanced state of her public
school system and the general scale On
which it is organized and administered
1t is governed by distinct department
of the city organization, a school board of
twenty members, one elected from each
ward, being both its legislative and ex-
ecutive head. Most of the members are