davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-08-22
How it is Done Out West.

TN Cheyenne, when anything happens,
IL the people consider that a religious
duty devolves upon them TO hold me ct
ing, and to pass resolutions upon it, and
strong has this habit become that some
citizens of that place, whenever break
fast bell rings, call meeting of the
family, elect officers and resolve to 90
down stairs and eat the meal. The
other day woman fell into Crow Greek
and sank A large crowd of men were
standing upon the bank at the time, and
they instantly proceeded to organize a
meeting for the purpose ofdevising means
for rescuing the woman. Aftera spirited
debate, Mr.. A. Arnold was elected chair
man; and on taking his seat, Mr.. Arnold
not only thanked the meeting for the
compliment offered him, but he made a
long speech, in which he discussed the
tariff the coal products for 1871, and the
Alabama claims. A series of resolutions
were then offered, and after a prolonged
discussion, and the acceptance Of several
amendments, they were passed. They
embraced a protest against the depth of
NToW cTcek regret JlaJ all women were
not taught to swim, and resolve to res
cue the particular woman who had fallen
overheard. A committee was appointed
to dive for her He divcd, and brought
the woman to the surface by the hair.
Just then it occurred to him that he had
not been ordered to bring her to the
shore so he let her sink again, and swan
to the bank to report progress, and ask for
further instructions. Action was taken
on the report and after an exciting dis
cussion, he was directed to land the
woman Immediately
He dived again and dragged her out
None of the women in Cheyenne can hold
their breath more than an hour at time
so when this one was recovered she was
dead. The meeting said it was sorry,
bnt it was vastly more important that
things should be done decently and in
order, and according to rule, than that
the life Of women should be saved.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-08-22
Very Decided,

The following incident actually hap
pened near Cincinnati:
Esq. H.-"Your Honor, | would like
to continue this case, if it be the proper
time"
Judge P.-"This court can have nothing
to do with your case before security is
given for. costs"
Esq. H.-"But, your Honor, this case
was brought by an administrator, and you
cannot, under the law, force him to give
security" '
Justice P.-"Mr H., this Court, if it
knows itself, is presumed to know the
law, and it does not sit here to be dictated
to by lawyers. You must give security.
Esq. H.--"Well, your Honor, if this
is your decision, | know my remedy; |
will sue out writ of mandamus."
Justice P."-Young man." rising to the
loftiest height of his judicial dignity, IF
it suit your purpose you can get writ of
any kind Of damus you please, but it
will not affect the opinion of this
Court"
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-08-22
How He Did IL.

A DAUGHTER of wealthy gentle
N man, in Chicago, fell in love, as she
thought, with her fathers coachman, a
smart young Englishman. Her father
found out how matters stood, and adopt
ed the following course of action.
He called Julia into the library and
told her that he had heard of her engage
ment to John. Did she know the CON
sequences She would have to turn
washerwoman, for John could not sup
port her. Julia was heroic 1t was so
romantic, you know, and Julia expressed
herself ready for any or every emer-
gency.
Very well, my dear, when do you in
tend to get married Julia didn't know,
but hoped that it would be soon. Th c
sooner the better, my dear, but as you
can't well go to the stable to see John,
and as it is necessary that you should be
thrown into his society and get to know
him, you had better ask him to dinner to
day. This was putting new phase on
the matter. 1t wasn't romantic bit, but
still Julia did her fathers bidding, and
bid her lover to the feast
Dinner time came. Julia was dressed
like-well, Solomon, in all his glory, was
not arrayed like unto her. John had got
on his best suit of livery. His face was
like unto boiled lobster, and he mcped
it every few minutes with huge yellow
silk handkerchief which his mother had
given him before he left home. Dinner
was served. The old folks sat at the ends
of the table. Julia on one side, and
John on the other.
1t wasn't romantic a bit, and John
looked-well-Julia since confdeutially
remarked to the writer, who, by the way,
has assumed Johns place in her aifec-
tions, that he looked awful He sat on
the edge of his chair, wiped his face
with his napkin, and his mouth with the
yellow handkerchief, broke one plate, two
wine-glasses, and upset dish over the
dress of Mrs. ---, and then said he
thought he had better go and look after
the 'orses. He went, and the same
day got a note from Julia, intimating
that he needn't come back.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-08-22
AGOOd Fuel.

The very genera, belief that the Con-
gresham of to-day is much worse sort
of person than the Congressman of long
ago is not entirely correct. 1t appears
from an incident related in recently
published volume, entitled The Domes-
tic Life of Thomas Jefferson" that our
revolutionary forefathers in (" Congress
assembled" had their little items of " in
cidental " expenses, many of them qnite
as queer as those which astonish the
constituents of to-day. The following
story is related by Mr.. Jefferson, concern
ing the first Continental Congress-
:" Delegate Harrison, of Virginia, de-
string to stimulate" presented himself
and friend at a certain place where sup
plies are furnished Congress, and ordered
two glasses of brandy and water. The
man in charge replied that the liquors
were not included in the supplies furnish
ed Congressman.
Why, said Harrison, "what is it
then, that see the New England mem
bers come here and drink 7"
"Molasses and water, which they have
charged as stationary" was the reply.
Then give me brandy and water"
quoth Harrison, and charge it as fuel" +"
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-08-22
Gle Gintes, Mem Bloomfield, 1]a.

him, he'll wheel and be off to the other
end of the pasture. He'll fool with us
that way for half an hour; but father has
only to stand at the bars and call his name
and he walks up as quiet as an old sheep.
Why, I've seen him back himself be-
tween the shafts of the wagon many a
time, to save father trouble. Father
wouldn't take two hundred dollars for
him to-day; and it dosen't cost mnch to
keep him, for he eats anything you give
Rim. Sis very often brings out some of
her dinner to him"
" He likes to eat out of a plate" said
Dove, it makes him think he's folks"
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-08-22
Wonders Of Chemistry.

Linen can be converted into sugar
sugar into alchohol and carbonic acid
alchohol into ether and water. Sugar
can also be converted into oxalic acid,
and likewise into pure charcoal and water.
Alchohol will readily change into acetic
acid or vinegar Coal tar is transformed
into dyes that surpass the Tyrian purple
of old. Starch may he transmitted into
gum, alchohol, sugar, vinegar or oxalic
acid and these are but II few of the
magical changes which modern chemical
science has made "familiar as household
words"
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-08-22
The Ducllman,s Cure.

Ven / lays myself down in my
lone ped room, and tries to sleep very
soundt, de treams, oh, how in my het dey
come, till wish vas under te ground
Sometimes ven eat yon pig supper, |
treams und out in my sleep, like the tiyil
| screams, and kicks off the pet clothes
und kroans den dere / layt, nit der pet
clothes all off, ! gets myself all ofer froze.
In de morning wakes nit de het AXE
and koff, und I'm shick from my het to
my toes oh, vat shall pc tun for poor
man like me.--vat for do leat such a
life Some shays dere's cure for dis
trouble of me; dinks I'll dry it, aud kit
me-a vIFEw
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-08-22

"Pll send my private secretary" said
Mr.. Webster, and so he did.
There was no telegraph then, nor cars,
but the secretary took the Potomac river
boat, and with $1,000 contributed by
William Jackson's friends in the depart
ment, overlook Rachel, showed Mr.. Cal
houns letter, endorsed by several Vir-
ginians, and brought her back. Calhoun
Webster and Judge Mclean saw them
married the next week.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-08-22
A Romance.

A MIR. CRANSTON who some years
N ago resided in Newport, r. L., went
on voyage to the West Indies, and was
captured by pirates.
Seven years went by, bringing no news
of the missing man to his wife, who long
before the end of that time accounted
herself widow. Laying aside her weeds
she prepared bridal dresses anew to con-
sumate her marriage with Mr.. Russell,
of Boston. On the eventful day, the es-
capped prisoner reached his home to learn
the tidings. He called at the house un-
der the assumed name of friend of the
late Mr. Cranston but when alone with
the bride to be, he pushed back the hair
from his forehead and pointed to scar
once we'll known to her. The lady recog-
nized him, aud though in anything but
groom-lke toilette, she flew to his arms,
claiming him as indeed hers. Mr. Rus
sell was called in to learn the truth Of
the old proverb "There's many slip
betwixt the cup and the lip" and to re-
sigh his fair prospects. The story runs
that the original pair were united over
again, and that Mr. Russell gallantly pre-
sented the bride with a wedding portion.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-08-22
Dobbins' Electric Boot Polish,
MAKES OLD BooTs LOOK LIKE NEW ONES,
AND CALF-SKIN LIKE PATENT LEATHER.
IL Is put up In Patent box, the greatest novelty
OF the age, The box alone Is worth more to
Keep than the price of Box and Pol
isl combined.
!" * r. UG HAT, ;"

The Genuine TURKISH Bath compound, used in all
Oriental countries, in the bath, and manufactured
by license and royalty, in exact style, odOr
made in Constantinople and import duties, preium
on gold etc, saved thus enabling us to sell it at
a luxury. Very highly scented, and PRODUCING
miraculous effects upon the skin 1t Is really worth
trial. i7
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-08-22

II you want to enjoy life and drive away dull
care use for your Clothes
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1871-11-09

and entertainers. The company of
our friends, instead Of being had sci.
dom, and atthe risk of WEAKNESS and
Iimpoverishmcnt, would be continually
sought, and for no unworthy ends ui
display, but for those higher motives
which alone deserve to bring together
men and women. Not would there
be loss, but more enjoyment of those
!uNurirs which The rich can properly
command because tho cndrayor for,
and the envy Of them on the part o!
others would hc discouEtcnauccd by 4
Lcallhy tone Of feeling, prescribing
the noblcSt objects Of ambition, and 4
| bettcr classification than can depend
on the possession or want Of wealth.
is such 4 state Of things q Utopian
fdrcam, or shall the miSerics Of house
Ilccping. on the present plan, drlHe us
to an effort, to which the contcnlpla-
ton of an ideal, however excellent:
iyht fail to incite US?
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1871-11-09
French Railway Travelling.

We might copy with advantage
many of the. customs in vogue OF
French railways, especially that ono
in regard toz,ncals.9 Instead Of tho
Hurried exit from1hecars, to Srab,and
Swallow halrHmasticatcd Il lot Of in
,ligesiible food, and finish the hasty
Aitoiu the cars, .wesmight initiate the
French plan With much advantage .lc
our, comfort as well rs. health. Just
before the usual time for meals, an
agent goes through the cars, take
2your1 orders. ttlcgrWphs them ahead
and on reaching tho station, what YOU
have a>hvI iUr is handed IN, 10 be con'
snined 1T your leisure on the journey
.or, descending into:thc rrirrshmcn!'
rooas, you fluid small baskets upon
.abr!fet," containing, with surh re-
treshm"n!s as arc most called for. a
knife and fork, napkin, rIa;c and glass.
On each basket is i label stating the
contcuts and price. The passenger
buys the basket. takes il into his car,
riage, dimes, O. lunches at his leisure,
and ut the next station ut which the
train stops haads back tLe basket, etc;
% Il waiter, and receives for it a fixed
price, which is also set down on the
label: THIS system has just, been be;
gun.in Bngk.udson the Midland ex>
press. The Correspondent OF u Lon
don paper on recent journey says
that at one Of the stopping-plac he
obtained i rcat basket, containing
half 4 fowl. salad, bread, butter, cheese,
pint Of stout tor ckr -oplional
napkin, plate, ie,.>andt fork, and
cork k-strrw- w--all compactiy y arranged
tho calab!es excellent. No deposit
was asked mcrciy civil request t.
hand tho basket out at the next sta
ton 50, instead Of ruslling!rantical!A y
abont AID il:Sancly swallowing th>
trad;t;"nal sandwich, he q"ic,ly sprcac
an impromptu table, and lunchcd a.
comfortably as could be desired
Which Of our rai!road> will be the frs
10 Introduce this scus;blc custom?
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1871-11-09

Teachcr-Go home, sir, and tell
Your mother to rock you to sleep,
Teacher-Parsc ''matrimony.'
Pupil-Ma,rimony is an ancient
nonn Of the dciunct gender.
Tcachcr-IIcar him You little
vaqabond, what do you say?
Pupil Matrimony is Of the cdefunct
Gender, cause it's played cut. Girls
arc, plentiful as blackbcr!ics, but
tlfcy've got nothing. TAcT toll not
Inciiher do they spin. yet Solomon in
:,ll-llis glory coaldn't SPIN like EN-
Matrlmony is compounded Of ths
words mate and money, $but wher
there's match nowadays. it's moth
ing without the money. Third per
son, 'ca,.sc il's spoken OF meuelr by the
girls in The ehiectivccasc, and GOV
e'nrd by Tic srondoohSs Of The sirls
daddy.
Tcacher-Takc a: back seat, ant
rub your head with Il brick.
Tcachcr-parse .'kissing."
pupil-hissiny is Il common, lahia
/
tnoun, Of the explosive gender.
Teacher Sakcs alive! What 4,
yon mean? y "
Pupit-Kissing is in The cxplosiv.
gender, cau>se its generally ATTENDED
with various explosive sounds, some
what like the bursting of u torpedo
sometimes like the sucking Of Il calf
sometimes like unto weeping, rs Jacol
kissed Rachel and lifted up his voice
and wcpt. tits common, cause it i:
peculiar to all ages and@sexes, 'spcc
ally to young girls, preachers ant
widowcrs. Kissing is derived from
bnssinS, and is Of various kinds. |
rhcrc's rcbus, Which is bussing 6 agcin
2 There's omniI1us, which is bussine
al! the gals in the room. 3: There
blunlcrbus, which is one mau kissing
another: mans wife ; and /. There's
syllabus, Which is one girl kissing
Iunother girl, where SO many Boys arc
spiling fora :buss1j 1t. is second per
son, because it takes two persons. to
perform tho operation; plural num-
Der, cause they generally take more
than one when they get q chance ;
5 in the objective ease, and governed
,y surrounding circumstances.
Just here thc teacher. and,vast an-
litorv broke down.2~A bcvy OF, red
tllcadcd girls rushed upon the ros,rum
and demanded That the imps be hung
instantcr, if not sooner, and order
was not insured till the: marshal as
surcd them that aiIN1he little repro
bates houId be hung at sunrise next
morning. The teacher was takc:l of
on a window shutter. 80
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1871-11-09
Cheap Clothing in London.

Mi. Morris Philips writes to tho
Home Joarnol:2 =. = E.H-s73s! = -
Many American ladies so to Eu
rope with the main. idea OF. replenish
ing their wardrobe, and in this they
arc sensible, for almost. everything
that Il lady desires to wear, ora gen
tlcman, for that matter can be bought
1T half price or less, on the other side;
Ihc soft and rich looking sealskii
basqacs, for INSTANCE, that will be- all
the rage in this country during the
coming winter, and which in, New
York cost 500 or more, can be
bonghtin fashionable london shops
for about S.l0. Black and fancy silk
lin London are little more than hait
the New York rate, and so with
dressmakcrs' charges Gcntl"mcn's
finest kid gloves are sold 1or 81 /; 4
superior quality Of silk hat, from the
most stylish maker, costs but SOY
ercl9n. am! winter trousers are made
by u ':swcli tailor" for 221. (&5.50)
the same as Il Bi'oalway house would
turn out for $l5 and SO Of other ar
ticlcs Of malc and female attire. Pa
ris merchants feel the effects Of Che
past war and present taxes, and cy-
cry commodity is high there. .Peo-
pie if well advised, will make their
purchases in I49ndon. Berlin, or Vi
cnua. There has been. no war in
England, and labor there is poorly
remuneratcd. SO far assty'c is con-
ccrncd, none is displayed in England
but il Il lady carries along her own
l'att&TnS, SO may haze a chance OF
getting made something that will be
tit to wear. For fashion: style, and
good taste in ornamemtation, one
must, after all go 10 Paris. -. -....
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1871-11-09
Qualities Of a Good Collector.

L, Is on time TO the. minute when tht
debtor says come tomorrow at nln'
!o'clocli." ..i j. = -
Sits on ;hc ste ps and; waits fo'
his return when lie says, Il am JUS
going to dinner"
Insists on stepping out to make
when the man has nothing less thai
q twenty" .. ....
VIII 90 to an cold stager" every
day for 4 month with q cheerful couJI
tcnance "aLoat that little account"
Doesn't mind cdging into crowl
to ask Il fellow.
VIII take dollarsin part if he can
ret ten in whole, and "crcdit it" viii
.lhHnlifal alacrity. .-:~s = e>%
Always suggest a check when tho
money is not in hand, us he c;tn set IL
"cashcd" tomorrow.
Always has that account "on top
so the man can make no excuse foi
putting him off. .s,,.ra-. -. .s
Don't mind asking forit Immediate,
y after being "trcated'-or pleasant
y entertained. ! - =. 3,
Is never in hurry, s'can wait till
you get through"
Cuts Oft the retreat Of the dodger
by crossing over to meet him, or fol
lowing him into store where he goes
10 hide. IT, - ....'. T. .2 .:E
Can cough or salute when the 'hard
case wants to pass without soelng
him. ,...t
In Gnc-is patient as q post, cheer
LAS q duck, sociabIc as Il fca,, bold
as a loin, wcathcr-proof as Il rubber:
cunning as a fox, and watchfjll as Il
sparrow hawk. Columbus index.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1871-11-09

The BEST WELcoME.-H American
women would settle it in their minds
THAT happy face gives y better wei
come than the finest china and do
mask. that q Dime" Of two courses
which could b" wei! and easily cooked
and served, is more satisfactory to the
guest than an elaborate entertainment
which has cost too mnch labor, and is
given with too evident effort; that
which We can do easily, and naturally
is the best that can be possibly done
for Il fread whom chance or invita-
| ton has; brought under Our roof; "a
new era would dawn for both. guest
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1871-11-09

GINGEEnHEAD.-A Hoosicr house
wife furnishes this as the original
recipe for making the genuine ard
worId-lamons Indiana gingerbread
"Git your ginger; melt moIasscs Ill!
it hiles over; melt some buttcr 'irs
thin; stir it through the moIas$ns
candy, multiply by wet sugar; thrash
some clover and maryandcr seed, and
grind them together; git y twelve,
pound sach of flour On credit two
cups sour oil Of kline; e;-beat somebody
out Of the rH%gs; beat tile eggs; strain
thom to snbslratt the shells; line the
pan will, rcd nanmel, satarate with
equal parts Of coal tar and strong but.
tcr-:and pour the mixture in. Bake
until it tastes good =, -. - -. :,
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1871-11-09
Only a Baby Small.

Only a baby small
Dropt from the skies,
Only u laughing face,
< Two sunny eyes. i
. One chubby nose,
Only two little hands,
Ten little toes. s.s
Only 4 golden head,
Curly and soft, = - :.
Only 4 tongue that waCs
Loudly and-oft, -
Only a.little brain g.. -
Empty Of thought,
.Dnly-u little heart - - s
TfopbIcd wih naught. :
A. Only a tender flower -
Sent us to rear,
Only . life to love
While we are here,
Only 4 baby small, e.
Never at rest,
Small but how dear to us
God knowcth best.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1871-11-09

Observation-Disclosures Marriago-7
An altar on which Il nan lays, his
pockel-book, and y woman her love
letters. .-- }"
General Contributing half a
dozen girls at the same time. .-,H
'lljs pilI-grilnage is over as tho
druggists widow said wEcn she or.
dcrcd IN cp;taph for his tombstone.
have very !ittlo respcct !or he ties
Of This world, as the chap said when
the rope was put around his neck.
An unpoetical youth. described his
fnanccc's hair as trizzIcd in front. and
lricascd and scrambled at the buck
"A young lady at Long Eranch Is re.
ported as ''ciothed in laughing eyes
and hcwit ching smi!es.'.. Light gear
we should say!
a western obituary closed by say.
ing: she had IN ,amiahe temper, and
twas uncommonly fond Of ice cream
and other dcli%acics.
a colorcd woman fell thirty feet ont
Of Il third story, striking the ground
head foremost. Thcy are filling w
the hole. She wasn't hurt any. -.
The editor Of the Arkansas Journal
says: "Whcrc our Office WAS two
weeks ago now runs the Alississirj,i
river. -Out Of respect for the Father
Of Rivers We lclt.' ...t
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1871-11-09
=. $50 Acres for Sale / !!.@,.z q. 8. s
;.,.. "a. 60. -! -" 81. ID p
9 NJ les ofsAbbeville Villagsb

THE subscriber offers for sale his,
Il. farm lying 2 miles from aAbbs-
vile Village. The tract lis wellkws-
tared, lies beautifully, contains $50
acres, 135 in woods, remainder clear
cd and productive. On npremises is .
framed. dwelling house with 6 rooms.
Part purchase money cash, balance
II months With interest; tract one
milo of railroad. Apply to subscrl.
Der at his office for further partieu.
lars. ...-. EDWARD NOBLE.
Aug. 81, 1871, 19-tf -..a .,r, : -,
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1871-11-09
Remnants-By Josh Billings.

Customs are like grcase--thcy make
cnnythiug slip easy. D.. . .
.Thare IL sum things that knaht be
counteriittcd.-a Llush is Que ov them
Goodness IL jist as mu;ch ov q stud
tdysaz mathematics is.
I Il. a man eNpcckts tew be very vir.
! tewous he musr't mix too mutch with
the world nor too mulch with himse(i
aeithcr. -. 90 Ii A~
>The rcoplc who ack,ually deserve
! tcw live their lives over agln arc the
very ones WHO .!"n't want TO do it.
Thc richest man. ov, all III he who
has got but little, but haz got all hr
wants. -, ~,- > = -.s -
Natur makes ali the nobicmon n =
wealth, cdukashun, nor pedigree never
made one yet. :. 81. ..
When man dnz mo afavour ! alwuS
try tcw remember it. and when he
duz mean injury Isalwas tryStew for
get it-if ! GQn,t. l. ought to- -
i'Is man IL honest he may not al,
! WIS be in the right, but he kan, meyer
be i'll wrong T.. % -. 80
Crate takers arc generally CRATE
|liars, for them who talk. SO mutch
Emust sooner or later run out ov the
truth, and tell what. they do"'t kno.
] don't bet thare IL emmy sich thing
as pcrfcluy good man, or apcriektly
bad man. - tGI ....
! !no ov emmy quantity ov people
whose virtcws arc at the mercy ov
toth,r folks, who are good simply for
the rcput;ishun ov 1t, who havEt go,
emmy more rcaeappttite few their con.
science than :: k!am haz. -