Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1871-11-28
Josh Billings Farmers Alnanic for
1872,
LETTER. TO FARMERS.

e-s'' 49, 4 fAEslf Lhes
Bo|oped Farmers "A gricntur il
the mother Of farm produce she IL
also the step smother ov garden sass.
Rize at haff.past ? o'clock in The
morning, build up big fire in the
kitchen, burn out two pounds Of kan
dies, and grease your boots.
Wait pashunuy for da brake.
When da duZ brake, then commense
tew stir mp the geese and worry the
hogs.
Too much sleep IL ruinous tew
geese and the hogs. Remember yu
kant git rich on farm unless yu
rize at tew O'Clock in the morning
and stir mp the hogs and worry the
geese.
The happiest man 10 the world
the farmer he rizes at O'clock in
the morning, he watches for da lite
tew brake, and when sho duz brake,
he goes out and strs up the geese
and worrys the hogs.
What IL a lawyer What IL mer-
chant? What IL doktor? What IL
minister? / answer, nothing
A farmer IL the nobless work ov
God be rises at ] o'clock in the
morning, and burns out haff pound
ov wood and two kord, ov HANDLES,
and then goes ont tew worry the
geese and stir up the hogs.
Beloved farmers adew
SIMPLE REMIDIz.
Few cure tbs bight Of a krab, soke
the krab's feet IN bilcing hot water.
Tew find the kontents ov a gallon
ov whiskee, mul iply a pint ov fusil
le by pints Of Venice turpcntine.
Few kure the govt, 1--we on Boston
crackers, and saw wood for % cents
kord.
Tew make a goose good eating,
bring her up tenderly.
Tew keep kats from being BIT up bi
rats, muzzle the rats.
ADVICE To CNG D CrcRs
HIRE an offi-s on the main Stree; If
nc yIilage, and stay IL The ofli,s.
When yu du 60 out, always 20 on
he jump
Don't mover talk mulch on ouny
Subisk, but always look kussed mys-
terious.
Sodium 60 low church, but when
va do always leave before the church
duz.
Charge e,ory body like thunder
and lltening.
Tlyu p6oller these rules closely
and don't suckcoed, VA kan KUN tew
Che conclusion THAI the doStrino biz
ness amt so good rs it waz last year.
CONDENSED WISDOM
The woman born this month will
! 30 short Ov statue, and acquainted
with grief. She will want a CRATE
menny things in thi7 world that amt
handy few be got. She will marry
just about the right time, and UNDER
take lew live with her mother.in
law. which IL a dAikuit kuotract
tew I'LL. The wjmmin born this
month are like the Rhode island
greening, ripen slow, and arc most
delightful away long in the winter.
There IL nothing i man will ret
SO sick ov az too much molasses.
Prudery IL often like the chestnut
burr it duz seem az tho il never
would open, but by-and-by it yields
tew the frost, and lets the fruit drop
out.
There IL nothing in this world that
man pays SO hi price for, ana Cite
40 little ov his mummy back, az he
duz tor Repentance.
Men ov little authority are like
men OF little strength-alwus anx.
ious tew lift something.
| kant see what woman wants any
more Rights for she beat the fust
man born into the world out or a
dead sure thing, and she kan beat
tho last one with tho same kards.
A man with phew branes IL like
dog with one flea on bim-drcadlul
Uneasy.
Thare are folks who don't dc any
hard work but watch their symptoms
have saw dogs akt Just as sensibeI
have saw rattarrier watch the
symptoms ov Il kuolhole in a board
fence all day, for some lat tew cum
forth, and 10 raj didn't cum forth
alwu- did admire the malice 0v
the mule II a freak OF fortune had
made me az the mule IL amung ami
mills would begin to lot drive at
things a mile and half off
Tbare IN 90 better evidence ~ wis
dunn than to boleave what we kant
understand,
Prudos are coquets gone tew seed
Whenever you hear man who a.
wus wants tow bet his bottom dollar,
you kan make W ynro MUD tina,
hat IL the sizo ~ his pi'o.
The more yuug ones ia a family,
Tho more oozier they are tew raise
4 Ono chicken alwas makes moro
klucking for hen than a dozen du2.
Arly genius il ike arlv Cabbage !;
I, don't apt tow he'd well.
Curiosity bad twins one waz IN
vcnshau, the other was Stick. Yure
Noze. luto-Things.
Thare ain't but pheW men weak
onud tcwadmi, their j5aiausy' s even
q disgraced rooster IN a barD.yard
will git leeto further off and begin
so krow up new reputation,
Whenever | see man anxious to
git into the middle ov fife that don
belong tew him, am alwu- anxious
70 hev him, for kno no IL snre
tew 30 tho wust whipped man ii the
party
VA will arwus notice one ;hing !;
the devil never offers tow 10 into
partnership With a bizzy man but
VA will often see HIM offer to ilue the
lazy, snd furnish all the capital