Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-08-25
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Domestic agazines-Wives who blow
up their husbands.
The most steadfast followers Of our for
tunes Our creditors
The latest woman question is said to be,
when will gold reach pa :?
Beauty is worse than wine-it intoxicates
both holder and beholder.
A bug that 6ourishes at all seasons of the
year, and in all Understanding.
Hint to mothers Treat your baby kind
ly, but not cordially.
"Sally, what time docs your folks dime
to day" s'SoCa as you 60 away; thems
missus' orders"
"a school-boy's aspirations" "Oh. how
I wish were fountain, for then | could
always be playing"
A man that starts on the day of his mar
riage as first lieutenant in the family, need
never expect to be promoted.
The perfumers' business ought to be very
lucrative. Of all trades, it brings in the
best per-scentage.
What is the difference between spend
thrift AM feather bed? One is hard up
and the other soft down.
A Texan managed to spell every word
wrong on short sign, which read-"Know
Syder Fur sail.'
A conclusive argument against suicide is
that it is the height Of impoliteness to 60
anywhere until you are sent for.
A Wisconsin postmaster has written to
Washinton for som eternal revenu scamps,
saying be has had several coils for Them
The charge of a judge is often hard to
stand that of battalion harder still that
Of money.lender the hardest of all
How to be happy on the cheap: Go
without your dinner, and see how happy
you will be-when supper-tme comes.
A Troy Dutchman, in trying to reach the
ferry boat, fell into the water. His first
exclamation on being hauled out was, Mine
Colt, let's have pridgel'
Some young men are little partial to
blue eyed maidens. Others like dark eyed
lasses. But the moneyetl girls have the
most admirers.
If small girls are waits are larger ones
walters. Certainly" says sweet sixteen !;
sat least the boys have the habit of apply
ing them to their lips in sealing their vows"
Pope said. Beauty draws us by single
hair In view of the prevailing size of
ladies' head-gear, we must be permitted to
doubt the infallibility of Pope.
The Chicago Times, in chronicling the
fact that man there, married to get out of
jail, remarks that ''some chaps have
queer idea of liberty"
Do you think raw oysters are healthy?
asked lady Of her physician Yes be
replied: L never knew one to complain of
being out of health in my life.'
A New Hampthire farmer describes the
hay crop by saying that the grasshoppers
all got lame in trying to jump from one
blade of grass to another
A young gentleman who had just married
little beauty, says she would have been
taller, but that she is made of such precious
materials that nature couldn't afford it.
'Auntie, said little three-year old, one
day, i don't lite my apron tarched drefful.
So much tarchness makes the fitness tratch
my baroness.
If the girls would spend as much time
with encyclopedias as they do with MILL
ners, they would soon find their heads as
attractive as their hats.
When you see young lady making a
fuss over widower's children, make up
your mind that if she don't soon have the
right to spank 'em, it won't be her fault
A gentleman trying to describe to a
friend the beautiful manner in which his
tiance's hair was arranged, said 1t was
frizzled in front, and fricaseed and scsam-
bled at tho back
An editor 10 Maine has never been known
to drink any water. He says he never
heard of water being used as a general rem
edy only once-in the time Of Noah-when
it killed more than it cured.
The editor of religious paper which
had four weeks precaTOus existence in
Chicago, says that is a good place for re-
lgious paper, provided Satan has three
pages Of it, and the other one is mixed.
i say, Jones, that's a shocking bad hat
of yours. Why do you wear such hide.
GUS thing?' Because, my dear fellab,
Mrs. Jones declares she will not 20 out Of
the house with me till I get better one'
KEELING IND1ANs.-sBeen killing good
many Injuns out West, Generalf 2 Asked
a reporter of Gen. Sherman the other
day. No; the papers kill more Injuns
than we do. Why. if we killed half as
many Injuns as the papers do, we'd DO
short Of Injuas ?
DO sou retail things here p asked green
looking specimen of humanity, as he poked
his head into drug store.
Yes sir replied the clerk, thinking he
had customer
Then I wish you would retail my dog
he had it bitten off about a month ago.
A man was urged to take out policy for
the benefit of his wife to the amount of five
thousand dollars. He asked his wife's opin-
ion, when she replied with charming frank.
ness I: "Why, my dear, you will of course,
act according to your judgment; but, in
case of your deeease, it would make me a
more desirable widoy."