Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1871-04-25

You make wipe away all dem name and fig-
ures what own dem teliers whats going to
pay ne before they get ready, aud | lose
more swell hundred doIlars|
His frau left the room in fear aud disgust.
When she returned, he had recovered the
headboard with chalk marks. Then said
she:
''EIannass. you have made them all right
again, don't II ~
We'll, mein tearer frau, make the figures
all right. but | put down some peter names
as dem old fe!lers vot you wiped QUIZ
a wife wanted her husband to symra-
thize with her in u feminine quarrel, but lie
refused. saying. I've lived long enough to
learn that one woman i just a. good a. ans
Other-If not better" And - Teturied the
exasPeTa,ed wife. "haye lived Ion: enough 20
learn that one man is just as bad Is another
If Got worse T.
My dear friend. said gentleman to a
bankrupt, the other day, L am sorry tn hear
OF your misfortune. Your family has NV
warme~t symplthies.' Ga dou's trouble
yourself about my family. looked out Tor
them. Just save y"nr sympalLics fDT the
families Of ny creditors
"A raw Jonathan. who had been gazing
at garden in the vicinity Of the city, in
which Their. was several marble statues. ex.
claimed: just see what Il waste Here's
no less than six scare crows ia this ten foo,
Iaich. aud any one OF them would keep the
crows from five acre lOr,'
An old lady from temperance village
lately attended party in town. where. If
Course, champagne va, served. aud WAS pre-.
vailed upon To TAKE glass. She drank iEo.
when, smIcN!ns her lips, she exclaimed. Well
it might be wicked drink, but It's good"
- y companion to the son. .Oh. give me
back but yesterday Is soon to hc issued. Il
Is TO be called, Oh, could you spare tomur-
row. This wilt soon lie followed by Yon
haven't got such thing as next week about
you, have yOu:'
Ned Shutter thus explained his reasons
for Preterriug to wear stockings with holes il,
them to having them darned: y hole may
be the accident of day, and will pass upon
the best gentlemen, but darn is premeditated
poverty
"A lady in Iowa got the idea in her head
that the devil was III her aud she went to the
pantry aud hung herself II women 20 to
hanging themselves Tor u little thing ike this,
they are going TO be mighty scarce that's all.
- Never trust secret with married man,
who loves his wife, for he will tell her. and
she will tell her aunt Hannah and aunt Ham
nah will import 1t profound secre. t. al
her female relations and acquaintauces.
-Covington, Ky, had case lately where
q discarded lover murdered the girl who re-
jected his suit, wheEeupou all the timid oil
maids met together aud uuau .ulously resolved
never to reject an offer
"A melting sermon being preached in
country church, all wet except one man.
who, being asked Why he did not weep with
the rest, replied: Oh, l belong to another
church
= If Brigham Young wore an additional
weed on his hat every time he lost 4 wife OF
mother in-law, it Is estimated that he would
have to have hat tweu'yseven feet high.
-"Where's your iilial gratitude, YOU
naughty boy! What would you have been
without Your kind father and mother ~ Il
sPose Id been an orphan, sir"
All efforts to make hay by gaslight have
failed, but 1t Is discovered that wild oats can
be sown under its cheerful rays.
The ladies' give as a reason for marvin,
fr money, that they now seldom fud any
"Ah :" yawued a bachelor. ..,his world
Is butts gloomy prison" To those in solitary
confinement" added a, Witty young lady.
"A marriagcable lady should no, refuse
gentleman until lac has offered himself. Il,
makes the gentleman feel az kaTd.
- My dear i, is very wrong for young reo,
pie to throw kisses. why, mamma, they
don't hurt If thew do lit"
Down east they call finger posts ministers.
because they point the way to other people,
bat don't 80 themselves.
- The school commissioners in Iowa PRO.
hibit lady teachers kissing school boys over
eighteen years Of age.
The five great powers Love, Money,
Ambition, Revenge aud good dinner.
In the country. straw is bundled in the
city 1t IS frequently offered in bail.
= Inscription for shoemaker's shop
with ali "rpi'ar ces and Means to boot"
= Going out with the tide-accompanying
the bridal party out Of church.
= Why Is thunderstorm ike an onion
-Bec'use It IS peal ua Pcal.
81 am transported to see you" as the con,
Wet said TO the kangaroo.
- Provide for shower-h.!f par,.o, :
better than no umbrella
Motto for Grant-KuOw all men BY tbeso
PrcscnGs.
Speak little, speak truth spend little.