The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1871-04-08
WIT AND WISDOM.

A WEALTHY gentleman who owns 4
country seat, nearly lost bis wife, who
fell into q river which flows through bis
estate. He announced the narrow escape
to bis friends, expecting their congratula.
tioDs. One OF them-an old bachelor
wrote as follows: II always told YOU that
river was tcO shallOw."
TIE following words actually formed the
peroration Of the counsel's plea for bis eli
ent in an assault and battery case in Att. .
ems, Ala: LET the humble ass crop the
thistle Of the valley! Let the sagacious
goat browse upOn the mountains brow, but
gentlemen Of the jury, ! say John Gundle
is not guilty"
Mrs. RUGG, a widow, having taken
Mr. Price for her second husband, and be.
ing asked BY friend how she liked the
chance replied, "Ob, 1 have got rid Of my
old Rugg for a good Price"
Shall help you to alight r. said a
young gentleman, addressing bouncing
country girl, who was preparing to Jump
frorl a carriage in front Of his Office.
Thank you,sir," sweetly replied the girl,
"Dut don't smoke"
A STUPID CLERK.-The other day
young lady stepped into a dry-goods es-
tablishment and inquired Of the clerk at-
aending:
"sir, have you any mouse .colOred
gloves ?"
Mouse colOred gloves, Miss I"
Eyes, sort Of gray, just the color Of
your drawers" meaning the store drawers,
that we're painted gray.
My drawers, miss? Why / don't.
wear any"
A cab was seen leaving that store few
minutes after with lady il the corner,
with handkerchief to her face.
IT was slippery the other day in Water
bury, Conn. "Is there any show goin' on
here 7" said a rude boy, as be stuck bis
head into store door. "No,sOnny Why ?"
" cause there's so many people sittin' on
the sidewalk with their bats of.
| MEANT to have t5ld you Of that hole"
said gentleman to his friend, who was
walking with him in bis garden, and
stumbled into a pit full Of water. ''No
natter" said the friend, "I've found it.
ANNA DICKINSON asked Judge Bing-
ham the question, "Wbat u the difference
between YOU and me r. II cannot con-
ceive, Madame" was the quickretort.
ACCUSED Of having been guilty now and
then Of too much light scissoring," we
present the following religious ilem: "Why
is a clergyman like q locomotive Be
cause you are to look out for him when
the bell rings"
The VERDICT.--A girl in Calhoun coun
ty, Wisconsin, attempted to look into the
muzzle Of her brothers shotgun, and at tbe
same time pulled her dress away from the
nigger. The coronor's jury returned a YER
diet of Death from inferna caTelessness.
A countryman who was standing on one
y the wbarves the other day watching the
progress of the boistiDg OF an anchor Of a
which was getting under weigh,
md as he saw the huge iron rise from the
water to the " YO, beave no ~ of the sailors.
re remarked, n You may beave high and
leave low, but will never get that crooked
hing through that little hole ! know bet
er."
DIsGUsTED.-Two tipsy French troop
rs are discussing the acts Of their law
makers Ooh ~ says one Of them, "dOnt
ak to me Of legislators they have no
more sense then my shake. Now suppose
Ve 20 to war; you are my friend ! save
our life in battle they decorate me with
be cross. Very good bnt I think more
# myself than Of you; that's natural /
ave my own life, BY running away; they
.atch me, they shoot me. Isn't il stupidf"
Adapt your means to your ends; don't
saste your time in trying to pick uP live eels
With pair Of tOngs.