The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-06-23

Trials and TribuIations Of n United State
Official.
From the Springfield Qll) Journal.

| The vexations annoyances and per-
plexities attendingthe office ola Country
Postmaster are almost innumerable.
Suffer me to relate just few. ! have
tried some very difficult things, but that
of collecting newspaper postage stands
prominently at the head of the list OF
difficulties. There is a certain divine
who patronizes our Office, who fills my
eye on the postage question. He never
has to be asked for his postage, but
comes squarely up and liquidates at the
proper time. In my opinion he is not
far from the kingdom of heaven. Would
that his followers and 4" the rest of man
kind" might initiate his most excellent
| example?
Your country Postmaster has no quiet
hour that he can call his own, unless it
be after midnight, and then he is not
always safe. He is called up after retir-
ing to his bed at night to see if there is
letter in the office for man who did
not have time to come in daylight. He
is met on the road to church, and asked
to leave his wife and children and 90 to
the office. If he succeeds in getting to
the church at all it is through great
tribulation, and perhaps at late hour
and every foot-step he hears after get
ting there he thinks some one is after
him to 90 to the office or he gets very
little good of the sermon. Then, there
is certain class of men who think you
ought to sell them two three cent
stamps for five cents. This class never
buy anything of the Postmaster but,
stamps.) We also have few business
men who never buy but one stamp at
time. No matter what you are doing
you must wait on them instanter
When they come to buy their stamp,
they can't buy a quarters worth at a
| time the interest on the money would
be something lost. Another class of men
expect you to lick every stamp they
buy, as a matter of course. At times
you are very busy writing man comes
in and calls for stamp you get up and
hand it to him he does not offer to pay
you for it, but proceeds very deliberately
to 90 down to the bottom Of his pocket
for a letter wrapped up in about yard
and half of paper, unrolls it slowly
! (you in the meantime on nettles to get
| to writing) takes the stamp, ticks it so
| thoroughly that it takes every particle
of mucilage off, then says "This stamp
won't stick" You put on mucilage for
him, he sticks it on hits it FIVE or six
ticks with his fist and hands it to you
never drops it in the box; then goes
down for his pocket-book, unties hard
knot, unwraps four yards and half of
Irvine, takes out a five dollar bill and
hands you, saying that is the smallest
he has. Now, Mr.. Editor, it seems to me
that man, under these circumstances,
if his morality is not Of the highest
tone, will be almost obliged to use lit
tie profane language. Nothing but the
strictest early moral training by pious
mother, descended from the Pilgrim
stock, restraints me. Oar office is some
times thronged at mail time. A matter
of-fact man plants himself at the wind
dow (about twenty-five persons behind
him waiting for mail), asks you if there
is "a letter for Joe Brown. You inform
him there is none he then calls for the
whole Brown family. Failing to get
letter, he then relates to you that he
was expecting one from Ephraim Jones,
who lives just in the edge of Posey,
county, Ind; that he married Jones'
sister in the fall Of 1868; that they have
five children-three boys and two girls
that the youngest only weighed 10
pounds and IL ounces when it was
born that some Of Ephraims folks were
sick the last letter they got, and he and
the old woman were getting anxious to
hear from them. All at once new
idea strikes him he wants to know if
there is any package for him; he has
been looking for something Of the kind
for long time; dld not know whether
it would come by mail or express.
Which would be the cheapest? Of
course you must answer his questions
and ask him if his children have had
the measles and whooping-cough and
whether Mrs. Browns health is good,
and if there is any prospect for another
your removal. He at last brings his re-
marks to close by asking you to back
letter to Indiana, Posey county,
Ephraim Jones; and You get rid OF him.
BY this time the persons behind him
are getting pretty tired or have received
their mail oyer his head and gone. 0,
dear, must close, for it is time to make
up the mail. Pm.
A RARE TRANSMITTING FLUID.-ln the
fall of go, when the army of the Poto-
mac was stationed before Fredericks-
burg, it happened that at the headquar-
ters of the First Brigade, Second Divi-
sion, Third Corps, there were detailed
as clerks in the Adjutant-Generals De-
partment two young men by the names
of "Joe" and /" Duff" IT was custom
airy for Joe, after doing the work of his
office, to sometimes visit division head
quarters for the purpose of "interview.
ing some of his friends. On one OF
these occasions, after returning to
camp, upon entering the tent, he OBJ
served Duff in the act of applying to his
face (which, by the way, was deficient
of any oeard something labeled
q Preparation for the growth of hair
and beard" Now Joe was in just the
mood for some fun. So, after Duff had
finished his toilet, and gone out OF the
tent, Joe prepared for action. lie pro-
ceeded to strip the blankets from OH
- 4 IL, nOgnd n