davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-03-10
A Historical Frenchman.

The France mentions the death in
Paris, at the age Of ninety five, of a man
who played certain part at the period
of the Terror. His name was Lambert,
and he had been secretary to the public
prosecutor, Fouquier-Tinville, and re-
corder to the Revolutionary Tribunal
Though hardly twenty years OF age, he
held these offices for three years. Pur-
sued as terrorist by the reaction of
Thermidor, he escaped and took refuge
in London, where he became account
ant in the house of Lob & Stein, brew
ers. He returned TO France on the en-
trance of the Allies in 1878, and inhab-
tied the little house in the Rue de la
Pepiniere, in which he died. This house
had little garden, and NJ. Lambert,
who was very fond of flowers, cultivated
them for his amusement till 1910,
when, in consequence of the transfer
nation of that ancient street, his gar
den gave place to new buildings. Since
then he lived very retired two or three
persons in the neighborhood alone had
the privilege of visiting him. The afro
cities committed in the Terror con-
stantly REQUIRED to his mind, and it was
only with fear and hesitation that he
would relate some episodes of that time
The Revolution Of lS4S threw him into
a state of gloomy sadness from which he
could not recover till the period of the
Exhibition Of 1867, which he visited,
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-03-10
The Jumping Frog of East Tennessee

man named Southworth, living in
lower East Tennessee, has just elected
from his stomach frog which had been
living there for fifteen years. Mr.
Southworth has had a great deal Of
treble with that frog. 1t used to begin
to croak at the most unreasonable hours.
When Southworth would go to church,
for instance, the frog would remain quiet
until the congregation engaged in silent
prayer, and then it would set up such a
terrific yowl that the sexton would rush
in and collar Southworth, and drag him
out to quiet down in the graveyard.
Sometimes the frog would give noe
turnal serenade after Southworth was
fast asleep in bed and then Southworth
would rise, as mad as anything, and
seize the stomach pump and try to draw
the frog up. But the subtle reptile had
had that trick played on it too often
during those fifteen years, and it always
Skinned up the tube a piece, out of the
draught, and waited until Southworth
exhausted himself Southworth never
fooled that frog great deal. And when
frogs were in season, Southwerth used
to fish for this one with fly; but it al
ways refused to rise, and the fly buzzed
around so in Southworth's alimentary
canal that it nearly tickled Southworth
to death. So Southworth had to wait
until the other day, when the frog
thought it would come up and 60 and
see friend and when it did come,
Southworth killed it with fork.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-03-10
Mark Twain Contrasts the Preachers
with the Actors and Writers.
From the Galaxy for February.


The pulpit teaches asselnblages of
people twice week-nearly two hours,
altogether-and does what it can in
that time. The theater teaches large
audiences seven times a week-twenty-
eight or thirty hours altogether; and
the novels or newspapers plead, and ar
que, and illustrate, stir, move, thrill,
thunder, urge, persuade and supplicate,
at the feet of millions anG millions of
people every single day, and all day
long, and far into the night; and SO
these vast agencies till nine-tenths of
the vineyard, and the pulpit tills the
other tenth. Yet now and then some
complacent blind idiot says: You
unanointed are coarse clay and useless
you are not as we, the regenerators of
the world go bury yourselves else
where, for we cannot take the RESPONSE
bility of recommending idlers and sin
ners to the yearning mercy of Heaven"
How does soul like that stay in car
cass without getting mixed with secre-
tons and sweated out through the
pores? Think of this insect condemn
ing the whole theatrical service as dis
seminator of bad morals because it has
Black Crooks" in it forgetting that
if that were sufficient ground, people
would condemn the pulpit because il
had Cooks and Kallocks and Sabines
in it.
But to cease teaching and to 60 back
to the beginning again, was it not
pitiable, that spectacle ? Honored and
honorable old George Holland, whose
theatrical ministry had for fifty years
softened hard hearts, bred generosity
in cold ones, broadened bigoted ones
and made many and many stricken
one glad and filled it brim full o.
gratitude, fguratively spit upon him in
his unoffending coffin by this crawling
shiny, sanctimonious, self.righteous rep
tile.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-03-10
HunnOr.

WITH what different eyes do we view
an action, whom il is our own, and when
it is another's
The other day, while teacher was
hearing a boy recite his lesson, the fol-
lowing passage occurred "The wages
of sin is death" The teacher, wishing
to get the word wages" out by deduc-
ton, asked, What does your father
get every Saturday night? The boy
answered promptly, He gets drunk y
WITH big tears in his eyes, a sweet
little Pennsylvania girl of FIVE summers
asked, 4" Will dear little brother Johnny
die tonight, mother ?" And when she
was assured that the doctor thought
not, she continued, while sobs choked
her utterance, Poor Johnny, | wish he
would, because then | could have his
little white-handled knife and fork"
AN eccentric minister in a large par
ish had seventeen couples TO carry at
once in q grand common service at
church. In the course of the wedding
he asked one of the men to pledge him
self to the wrong woman. The man
naturally protested, and was told,
Hold your tongue? will marry you
all now and here you can sort your
selves going home,
A FRIEND of mine," said Erskine,
"was suffering from continual wake
fulness, and various methods were tried
to bring him sleep. At last his physi
clan resorted to an expedient which
succeeded admirably. They dressed
him in watchman's coat, put Ian
tern in his hand, placed him in a SEN
try-box, and he was asleep in ten min
utes."
MARX TWAIN, whose horse was so thin
that he had to lean against a tree to
think, was considerably beaten by a
long, cadaverous specimen OF humanity
just III from the country, who said he
had a brother living in Cairo so poor
that the sun would shine through him,
and that he had to put on an overcoat
to make a shadow.
A CONCERTED fellow, who prides him
self on being able to explain and under
stand everything, was present during
conversation about apple butter. He
had never heard the term before, and
commenced repeating it to himself,
when one of his friends said to him:
" Perhaps you do not know what apple
butter is?" "Oh yes, do" was the
answer -" | suppose it is made from the
milk of COWS fed on apples"
A BosToN merchant, who, on money
making intent, took it into his head to
Join the innumerable caravan of bank
rupts, called a meeting of his creditors,
and informed them of his intention.
They appointed a committee to look
into his affairs, and at their first meet.
ing one of them said: suppose you
know how you stand as well as we could
ascertain if we went through your
books. What do you propose to
pay ?'' The merchant hesitated mo-
ment, and then said: 81 don't know
what are they paying in Milk street?'
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-03-10
How the Wife Felt.

A man, at whose house | was a guest,
told me that he had been a hard drinker
and a cruel husband; had beaten his
poor wife till she almost became used to
it. But" said he, "the very moment
| signed the pledge l thought of my
wife-what would my wife say to this
Strange that should think of my wife
the first thing, but | did and, as | was
going home, | said to myself: Now, if
go home and tell her all of sudden
that | have signed the pledge, she'll
faint away, or she'll up and do some
thing; and | must break 1t to her by
legrees. Only think of it Why, the
night before I'd have knocked her
down, Just as like as not, if she hadn't
looked to please me, and now | am plan
ming to break good news to her for fear
it would upset her."
As near as / could gather from what
he told me, he found his wife sitting
over the embers, waiting for him. AS he
came into the house, he said
Nancy, think that"
Well, Ned, what is it ?''
Why, / think | shall-that isl
mean to-to-Nancy, | mean"
w nat IIe lltttoIJ Ncu any lulHS
the matter?'
YES" said he, "the matters just
this-I have signed the temperance
pledge, and, so help me God, I'll keep
it"
"She started to her feet, and she did
faint away. was just in time to catch
her; and so she lay in my arms, her
eyes shut, her face so pale, thinks |,
she's dead she opened her eyes, and
then she put her arms aound my neck F;
and ! didn't know she was so strong, as
she pulled and pulled until she got me
down where had not been for thirty
years-on my knees. Then she said :: o
God help him !! and said 'AmenN and
she said, 20 God help my poor Ned,
and strengthen him to keep his pledge,
and hollered Amen just as loud as
| could holler. That was the first time
we ever knelt together, but it was not
the last"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-03-10
Cheap Pleasure.

Did you ever study the cheapness of
some pleasure asks some writer. Do
you know how little it takes to make a
multitude happy? Such trihes as a
penny, word, or a smile, do the work.
There are two or three boys passing
along-give each Of them chestnut,
andihow smiling they look they will
not be cross for some time. A poor
widow lives in the neighborhood, who
is the mother of half dozen children.
Send them half peck of sweet apples,
and they will be happy.
A child has lost his arrow-the world
to him-and he mourns sadly help
him to find it, or make him another,
and how quickly will the sunshine play
over his sober face. A boy has as much
as he can do to pile up load of wood ;
assist him few moments, or speak a
pleasant word to him, and he forgets his
toll, and works away without minding
it. Your apprentice has broken a mug,
or cut the vest too large, or slightly in
iured a piece Of work. Say you
scoundrel!' and he feels miserable but
remark, " | am sorry" and he will try
| to do better.
You employ a man pay HIM cheer
fully, and speak pleasant word to him,
and he leaves your house with a con-
tented heart, to light up his own hearth
with smiles and gladness.
AS you pass along the street, you meet
a familiar face; say "Good morning"
as though you felt happy, and it will
work admirably in the heart of your
neighbor. Pleasure is cheap. Who
will not bestow it literally? If there
are smiles, sunshine and flowers all
about us, let us not grasp them with a
miser's fist, and lock them up in our
hearts. No, rather let us take them
and scatter them about us, in the cot OF
the widow, among the groups of chill
dren, in the crowded mart where men
of business congregate, in our families
and everywhere. We can make the
wretched happy, the disconnected
cheerful, the afflicted resigned, at an ex
ceedingly cheap rate. Who will refuse
to do it?
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-03-10
Ghe Grue 9ortherner.
PAW PAW. MICHIGAN.
Cooking and Counting.

TON To NED.
Dear Ned-no doubt you'll be surprised
When you receive and read this letter;
I've rallied against the marriage state,
But then, you see, knew no better.
I've met lovely girl out here.
Her manner is-well-yery winning:
We're soon to be-well. Ned my dear.
I'll tell you all from the beginning.
went to ask her out 10 ride,
Last Wednesday-it was perfect weather;
She said she couldn't, possibly,
The servants had gone of together.
(Hibernians always rush away,
At cousins funerals TO be looking),
Plea must be made and she must stay,
She said. TO do that branch of cooking.
. Oh, let me help you," then | cried;
I'll be a cooker, too-how jolly"
She laughed and answered. with "a SMILE
All right but you II repent your folly;
For shall be tyrant sir.
And good hard work you'll have TO grapple
So sit down there, and don't you stir.
But take that knife and pare tina. apple"
She rolled her sleeve above her arm
That lovely arm, so plump and rounded;
Outside, the morning sun shone bright
Inside. the dough she deity pounded.
Her little fingers sprinkled -four,
And rolled the plecrust up in masses
/ passed the most delightful hour
Mid butter, sugar, and molasses.
With deep reflection, her sweet eyes
GaZed on each pot and pan and kettle;
She sliced the apples, filled her pies.
And then the upper crust did settle,
Her ripping waves Of golden hair
In one great coil were tightly twisted
But locks would break it, here and there,
And curl about where er they listed.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-03-10
Names of Spanish Women.

The very names ID Spanish women
are a constant reminder of their wor-
ship. They are all named out of the
calendar of saints and virgin martyrs,
A large majority are christened Mary ;
but as this sacred name by much use
has lost all distinctive meaning, some
attribute, some special invocation of the
Virgin, is always coupled with it. The
names of Dolores, Mercedes, Milagros,
recall Our Lady of the Sorrows, Of the
Gifts, of the Miracles. knew hoy
denish little gypsy who bore the fearful
name of Lagrimas. The most appropri
ate name / heard for these large-eyed,
soft-voiced beauties was Peligros, Our
Lady of Dangers. Who could resist the
comforting assurance of Consuelo p
Blessed" says my Lord Lytton, " is
woman who consoles" What an image
of maiden purity goes with the name OF
Moves, the Virgin of the SHOWS! From
a single cotillion of Castilian girls you
can construct the whole history of Our
Lady. Conception, Annunciation, Scr
rows, Solitude, Assumption. AS young
ladies are never called by their family
names, but always by their baptismal
appellations, you cannot pass an even
ing in Spanish tetuLia without being re
minded of every stage in the life of the
Immaculate Mother, from Bethlehem to
Calvary and beyond.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-03-10

, baby,-(this is the formula people are
apt to use when they wish to give a
piece of their mind, land | must say
that delicate girl like you, who goes
half-clad for the sake of fashion in bitter
winter weather, deserves to be spanked
Did you not confess that you were sick
in bed yesterday, and don't / know you
are complaining half the time with
neuralgia and sore throat, and the Lord
knows what? And then, to come out
with the mercury at zero, with your
neck exposed, and little hat kited up on
the top Of your hair as if chains and
gewgaws, and blue sashes and gold ear
rings were going to put any vital heat
| into your bodyr'
Minnie looked half-scared, and Grace
laughed a little and said, snow auntie
has got after you on her hobby and you
need expect no mercy ~
| looked at Minnie sternly and in
quired, "what kind of stockings do you
wear?'
"Cotton," she answered with feeble
smile.
Fleece-lined p She shook her head.
Humph the same as you wear In sum-
|
out how this bundle of pains and
aches was done. "Come, now" said
/ in my relentlessness, want to
know what your under-gear is made
of ~
" Cotton" again came somewhat re-
luctantly from Mlnnie's lips. Mother
has always wanted me to wear flannel,
but | hate the feeling"
"Cotton under-garments, trimmed
with futed ruffies, | said grimly, " for
protection against the cold wind of the
skating pond You might as well be
dressed in the costume Of that Mexican
officer whose regimentals consisted of a
pair of spurs. There are your feet
squeezed into boots so small as to pre-
vent any natural circulation of the
blood. They will feel like clods of ice
after YOU have been out half an hour.
Vanity, it used to be said, kept peoples
feelings warm, but it won't stave Oft the
consumption, pneumonia and bron
chitis. If you refuse to take care OF the
body the Lord has given you, it is abso
lutte suicide. Your mother ought to
shut you up until you are willing to pay
some attention to your health. If you
don't die outright you'll break down as
so many of our girls do, and become &
poor, miserable, good-for-nothing inva
lid with your backbone gone into jelly
and no heart, or liver, or lungs to speak
of, and then somebody will have to take
care of you, and you will be a drag anc
burden on your friends and a misery tC
yourself"
As / finished my peroration, which
was prompted by spirit of wrath, no
nice in the choice Of words, or sparins
in its home truths, ! grimly motioneC
Minnie to follow me up stairs, and hav
ing reduced her to a NONRESIDENT,
clothed her decently as a Christian cir
should be clothed from my own store
of garments, and sent her forth, if not il
her right mind, at least with somethin!
to remember which | hope will bea
fruit and be shown in works meet 70
repentance.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-03-10

THE UGLY CoUPLE.-When Mr.. Fanar
was ballet-master at the Opera House in
the Haymarket, London, Soderini went
on the stage and said to him: "Allow
me, dear sir, to introduce myself to you
you are the dearest friend | have upon
earth; let me thank you a thousand
times for the happiness you have con-
ferred on me by coming among us
command me in any way, for whatever
i do for you | can never sufficiently re-
pay YOU" The ballet-master, who had
never seen or heard of Soderini before,
was astounded. At last he said Pray,
sir, to what peculiar piece of good for
tune may | attribute the compliments
and professions with which you favor
me?'' To your unparalleled ugliness,
my dear sir" replied Soderini;" for, be-
fore your arrival, | was considered the
ugliest man in Great Britain" The ballet
master strange to say, since he really
was so ugly took the joke in good part,
and they became extremely intimate ;
but amiable as they were to each other,
they were universally known as the uglp
couple. This anecdote Soderni related
himself.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-03-10
The NewsbOy's Joke on Dana.
Correspondence of tho Boston Sun.

Correspondence Of the Boston sun.
Mr.. Dana is very tine-lookiug man,
whose face, unconsciously, sometimes
takes on an earnest expression, very
akin to sadness. A little boot-black,
who "does business" in the neighbor-
hood of the Sun office, has conceived a
great antipathy to the gentleman in
question, and has annoyed him consid-
erably on different rccasions. Some
where about o'clock, G. A. ID. walked
out Of the Office and started down Mas
sau street for Wall street ferry. The
youngster was ripe for frolic, SO fol-
lowed closely on his heels. Half way
down Wall street he met policeman,
and reckoning to him mysteriously, in
dicated that the individual ahead in
tended committing suicide. The officer
of the law looked into Mr.. Dana's pen
sive countenance-looked back again
into his informant's honest visage, and
concluded that the information was to
be relied upon. Boot-blacks have un-
heard of ways Of obtaining news, and
policemen know them to be pretty good
detectives-so as there was no time to
be wasted in inquiries-he followed
closely in the wake of the unsuspccting
victim. He entered the ferry and they
followed. There was no boat in and he
walked leisurely down to the edge of
the pier-to jump off, as the policeman
thought. Very forcibly were two
brawny hands placed upon Mr.. Dana's
symmetrical shoulders, and very lima
tured the policeman bawled,
None of that, my man.
OF course a crowd gathered round
forthwith.
What does this mean ?" asked Mr.
Dana excitedly.
Mean? Well, it means that we un.
derstand your manDuvres, and we amt
going to have no such work as this. II
means that you amt going to kill your
self just yet"
Kill myself?'' and Mr.. Dana laughed
Historically. That gaping crowd would
have made job himself hysterical. "
haven't the slightest idea of such g
thing. am Charles A. Dana"
"Of course he is" yelled the tiny tor
mentor, starting for the gate; "just you
keep hold of him tight. If he aim
sick of the world, the worlds sick o.
him, and he needs keeper any way
and before any one could capture the
mischievous urchin, he had disap
| reared
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-03-10

BITUAEN FOR LIGHT.-Professor Henry
Wartz, in the Gas Light Journal, speaks
thus in relation to the value of Trinidad
bitumen for the purpose of enriching
Illuminating gas THE mass of btu
men shown to exist in the deposit on
the island of Trinidad, in the West
Indies, has been found by actual boring
to be no less than l42,000,000 tons of
2,240 lbs. 1t will be curions and inter
esting to calculate further the weight
of spermaceti to which this vast mass is
equal in candle power, taking as a basis
the second experimental result of Mr..
Farmer, as quoted below. According
to this, one ton of the bitumen is equal
to Lip lbs of spermaceti, and the
whole lake is therefore equal to seventy
and half million tons of sperm. This
ought to save the lives of a great many
whales. This little calculation is pre-
sented merely as an illustration of the
magnitude Of the boon which has been
offered to mankind, and of the impos-
sibility thas this great treasury of light
should be longer allowed to lie there
comparatively untouched, and with its
capacity of adding to the comfort and
to the wealth of mankind, altogether
undeveloped.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-03-10
The Turkish Nation.

Colbert, the best and latest authority,
says the population of European Tur-
key is 5,242,000 OF these only 100000
are Turks, of whom only 100000 are in
Constantinople, and the entire race is
constantly decreasing, from their abom-
Unable and uncomfortable social crimes.
On the score Of nationality, then, the
claims of the Turks to rule disappear at
once. Colbert distributes the remain.
der as follows Bulgar ians, 100000 /;
Wallachs, 4,500,000 Greeks, 100000 ;
Albanians, 100000; Bosnians and
Croats, 100000; Servians, 100000;
Montenegrins, $4,000; Gipsies, Jews,
Circassians, &c, compose the remainder.
Greece itself has 100000. Add
Greeks and Albanians together for
Hahn and Camarda have proved them
to be of the same origin, and they CO.
alesce), and we have 100000; so that,
in the score of race, the sovereignty
would still fall to the Wallachs. But
add the Greeks of the Archipelago,
100000, and those along the shore of
Asia Minor who ardently desire to be
united to Greece, 100000, and the
Greeks would then have right to the
empire, for they would number $780,
600. A Greek empire could be formed
in the shape Of a crescent along the
shores of the Egean, with all the thou.
sand island stars included within its
horns, and Stamboul for its capital,
which would contain twice as many
Greeks as people of any other nation.
atty, and more Greeks than of all others
acknowledgement Magazine.