The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-11-02
DARWIN IMPROVED.

new thing under the sun. 1t has been |
presented in a great variety of forms by |
all authors of children's primers, from !
Mother Goose to Edward Lear. For in
stance, witness the following exposition
of it:
'The monkey married the baboon's sister,
Smacked his lips, and then he kissed her,
Kissed so hard he raised blister
She sot up yell"
This is touching incident in the
beautiful process of transition from worm
to Walace-from dirt to Darwin. The
intermarriage between correlated families;
the reciprocal attachment so interesting
to the thoughtful mind the pathetic
preliminary of osculation the cuticular
accident of vescation his fervency; her
coy affection of spleasure-all, all point
with unerring finger to the mysterious
origin and solemn destiny of man. Again,
observe the continuance Of this resem-
blance, as shown in the same familiar
poem:
bridegroom stuck on some court plaster;
Stucl, so fast it couldn't stick faster;
O. it was a sad disaster
But it soon got we'll"
Here you are again. These be human
passions, affections and Affections. We
see the praiseworthy solicitude of the
bridegroom the faithful constancy Of the
court plaster and behind all, cunningly
suggested, rather than stated, the uncom-
planning patience of the young wife
Then the slow recovery. But We must
not linger:
"What dye think the bride was drest in
White gauze veil rnd green glass breastpi in ;
She did look quite interestin,;
She was quite a belle"
The scene is changed. The cohesive
emolicnt has been removed from the
saluted lip. The bride, though Of Simian
origin, betrays the divine symbol of her
sex-the taste for decoration. She robes
her lovely form in transparent gossamer,
revealing by concealing. She ornaments
her undulating bust with sapphire gaud
just the way they do now. Is it not
sufficiently obvious that the author OF
this understood the great principle ol
natural selection and the survival Of the
! fghtist, as it is now cxlpained by Darwin,
Huxley and the rest.
But, on arriving at the blunt termina-
ton of the affecting stapzas, it occurred
to US that they were incomplete-that
they were, as it were, rudimentary-s
we handed them over to our ingenious
Office boy to finish according to the evolu
tion theory He pulled up his shirt col
lar, rolled up his eyes and sleeves
spasmoIically seized a sheet of paper and
wended his winding way along after the
following fashion:
What dyou think occurred soon arter?
First son and then darter;
And shcy kept growing smarter
'Cordin to the law.
Lost their tails and found their knowledge
Put on clothes and went to college;
Studied science and zoolige-
Wagged a classic jaw.
One remembered his ''poor relation"
Then he printed a narration,
All about his derivation
From his glasdnlsssina.
Thus much thSboy Then he tainted
dead away, like Prof John Tyndall L
r. S, when he surmouuted the highes
peak of the Matterhorn. We dragged
the youth to the sink and sprirkled hin
with the water the "formes" had balhe,
in, and he sadly opened his eyes. "HoV
are you 7" said we. To which vehement,
the lad replied "Wal;er Whitman ain
no poet. He never caught nothing from
the MUSES. 'cept the St. Nitus's dance.
We let him warble on seeing that hi
mind was wandering. But here are on
subsequent medtations. "Darwin
right. We are what we are because tn
monkey married the baboon's sister"