Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1871-08-17
humorous Paragraphs.

'YOu are queer chicken" )" as the hen said
when she hatched out duck.
Rich men should recolleet, in making their
wills, that it is barberOus to cut off the natural
heir.
On week days yoa buy your music by the
sheet; on Sundays you can have it by the choir
nothing.
"salt" is the subject of the school boys
test composition: Thus-"The salt is a spice
" hich spoils the potatoes, if you forget to put
it on"
''TrOut will bite now, mother said boy
the other day. who wanted to go fishing
"Just you mind your work, then they won't
bite" was the reply.
A few questions in literature-"What be-
comes Of all the cook books p The trouble with
most of them is, they are Overdone.
A sign in Western city reads. ."Boots black
ed inside" Most persons prcfe-e the old way
Of blacking them the outside.
Mrs. Partington says that since the inven-
tiOn Of the eneedle gun there is no reason why
women shouldn't fight as well as men.
Why is q baby like sheafof wheat? Because
~ ~ uEob CEAuiSds AH0 bHVh bniAShSA1 AhN
finally becomes the flower Of the family.
Ill-natured scquaintances ofa certain Boston
militia officer asserts that his sword was never
draw but ouce-and then in a rattle,
my Load, said the foreman of an Iriuh ju-
ry, when giving in the verdict, eve find the
man who stole the horse not guilty
A Down East editor says that since the re-
cent rains the farmers care smiling like new
shingles on patched roof"
In some parts of Colorado water sells at two
cents pint, which shows that they haven't
dug their wells deep enough to reach the
quartz.
An old lady being asked to subscribe for
newspape, declined on the ground that when
she wapetd news she manufactured it herself.
A Paris halter, whose stock was riddled
with bullets during the siege, sells the
damaged hats at fabulous prices souvenirs
Of the war.
Mamma, said a precious little boy who,
against his will, was made to rock his baby
brother, ''if the Lord has any more babies to
give away don't you take them"'
''Are those bells ringing for fire?" inquired
Simon of Tibereus ''No, indeed, day alb got
plenty OBJ fire. an de bells are ringing for
water"
There is a lad Of our acquaintance who
CARDS hungar and the Christening rod as about
the same thing; both make the boy holler.
At recent school examination young ur-
chin being asked why it was so warm in the
tOrrid zone, replied promptly, Because it was
so hOt.,,.
A Eve year old city boy told his mother how
TO make butter: ''You just take a long stick
with cross at the end oft; then you get big
tub; and then you borrow a cow"
A railroad conductor being asked why they
locked the stove, replied that it was "to pre-
vent the fire from going out" He would be a
first class man for New York murder jury.
"Are the jury agreed ~ asked the judge of a
court attache, whom he met on the stars with
. bucket in his hand. "Yes'' repliedlPatriek
'''they haYe agreed to send out for half gal
Ion"
One may insert thousand excellent things
an q newspaper and never hear word of them
from its reader, but let a line or two not suited
to their tastes creep in by accident or other
VASE AAO OAo A0@AS VI Al AEOuA every d4ICCA4Ou
and quarter.
A Connecticut Democrat sent his son New te
York to complete his education. After a shert
time the young man wrote to his father that
he was studying "HOrace' On learning this
the paternal parent replied:-" home
don't want Greeley to make Republican Of
my son.
While passing house in Virginia, tive
drummers observed a very peculiar chimney
unfinished; and, it attracting their attention
they asked laxen haired urchin standing nen
the house if it'' drawed well.' Whereupon tn
aforesaid urchin replied: Yes, it draws tn
attention of all the fools that pass this road
A drunken fellow with a box of matches il
his pocket lay down on the sidewalk in Spring
field the other day, to enjoy quiet snooze
While rolling over in his sleep the matches too
fire. Awakening, he snuffed the air suspi
ciously, smelt the burning birthstone, an
ejaOulAted: 'Just as 1 expected. In hi
(hio.) by hokeY."
Mr.. Theophilus Poop, of Poppville, in Pop
county, fancYing himself to be very popula
with his lady love. popped the question to he
under the poplar tree, when she referred him t
her poppy, who, when asked for his consent
labOring under the influence of giYger poi
popped him out of the door. to the tune of Po
goes the Weasell"
A conductor was collecting fare of his pa,
sengers. An old lady sitting near the doc
seemed to be busy the conductor approach
ed her, she raised her head and said II allu.
when travels, carries my money in my stocl
ing, SO nobody get it and I'd thank yo
young man to reach it for me. am so jan
med in can't get at it." The blushing eondu,
tor glanced over the passengers, roarin
with laughter, when hasty retreat, mutterin
something about not charging old ladies an
fare. His cash was short so much that trip
Revision and Application of OF
MaXims.
"MOuey makes the man." but the man HI