Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1871-11-24
A Curious Per IaecufiOn-Aftempt 10
Convince q Man of HIS DenIh.


The following story is told by the
Knoxville Chronicle, and whether it is
strictly true in all its details is a ques-
ton on which difference Of opinion is
likely to prevail 1t is too good to be
lost, at any rate;
In Baltimore, short time ago, the
death of William p. Mooney was an
nounced, and day fixed for his funeral,
to which his friends were invited. 1t
seems that there were ia the city two
men named William p. Mooney, each of
whom had many acquaintances. Now
the friends of the living William got an
idea he was dead; and so upon the day
appointed for the funeral they repaired
to the house named in the advertise
ment, for the purpose Of shedding a re-
gretful tear or two over the remains of
their departed friend. The existing
Mooney also took notion to call around,
partly to see his dead namesake and
partly that he might ascertain how it
felt to attend funeral at which Will
liam P. Mooney officiated in the capaci-
ty Of corpse. He arrived when the
services were nearly ended, and stood
out in the vestibule waiting for them to
conclude. When all was over, some of
his own misguided friends started for
the street. They were amazed and
alarmed to perceive right in the door
way the figure of the man whom they
supposed to be dead One of the party
thought it must be the apparition of
Mooney; so he poked it with his umbrel-
la to ascertain if it was real This hurt
Mr.. Mooney, and made him so mad that
he struck the prober Of ghosts with his
cane. Then another Of the party said
to him:
60 Why, Mooney, what are you doing
out here? A man ought to conduct him
self better than this at his own funeralW
:" Whose funeralY said Mooney. It's
none Of mine
go See here, Mooney, they al said,
why don't you behave2 You oughtn't
to carry on so, after all the good things
the minister said about you. 1t isn't
right.
"Who are you talking about2 ex-
claimed William P, Indignantly. i
am as lively as you are.
g" Mooney, this is wrong" urged the
crowd; this is all wrong. You know
you are dead; you know that your fam
lily is roosting around upstairs there, cry
ing and going on like mad. You ought
to have more respect for their feelings
than to be standing here fighting, Now
just 60 back into your coffin and let the
procession 60 quietly to the cemetery
without any more fuss.
Durn the processionr calculated
the incensed Mooney, | am no more
dead than you are.
" Now, it's of no use arguing the
point, William, said his friends. The
notice has been published in the papers;
the undertaken has fixed you up com
fortably in ice, Grape has been tied at
your door knob; the Board of Trade has
passed resolutions of respect to your
memory; they have bought nice monu-
ment to keep you down and everything
so you must be dead. You can't go
back to the Board of Trade, Mr.. Mooney,
now can you.
"' It's a mistake, said Mooney; it's
all mistake. Let me explain to you.
6" Oh, there's no need of explanation,
said his friends; the corpse is not in
order. The simple fact is that you are
dead man. Here's the weeping family;
there the hearse, the undertaken; the
minister, and the mourners, and in the
parlor stands the coffin. Now you have
got to go in and be packed up in that
coffin, whether you want to or not. Some
people never know what is best for
them, anyhow. We came here to have a
funeral, and funeral we are going to
have, no matter if you don't like it.
There's no use of saying you won't, for
you have got to; so come along
" Thereupon they seized Mooney and
dragged him into the parlor. Those
who witnessed the encounter say it was
terrific The report spread that the
corpse was loose, and the undertaken
and the pall-bearers all Joined in the
fray, and the combat thckened until
Mooney broke from his tormenters and
darted into the kitchen, where the un-
dertaker knocked him down with fiat
iron and pinned him to the floor with a
poker through his vitals until assistance
could be secured. The truth was de-
veloped, and Mooney was carried care
fully to the hospital in a push cart.
When he gets well he intends to search
the directory and ascertain if another
man named Mooney lives in Baltimore.
If there is such being, William p, he
to ask the Legislature to fur
nish him with Chinese name in eigh-
teen syllables, and warranted to be not
like any other in the whole realm Of
nninrn