The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1871-07-28

SAD CASE OF FACIAL AFFLICTIoN
All things change EXCEPT BARRIERS, the ways
OF BARRIERS, and the surroundings of BARRIERS.
These never change. What one experiences
IN BARRIERS shop the first time he enters one
is what he always experiences in barber shops
afterward TIL the end of his days. A man
approached the door from Jones street as 1
approached it from Main-a thing that always
happens. hurried up, but it was of no use !;
he entered the door one little step ahead of
me, and I followed in on his heels and saw
him take the only vacant chsir, the one pre-
sided over by the best barber. 1t always hap.
pens so. sat down, hoping that might fall
heir to the chair belonging to the better of
the remaining two BARRIERS, for he had already
begun combing his mans hair, while his COM
rade was not quite done rubbing up and oil
ing his customers locks. watched the prob
abilities with strong interest. When saw
No. was gaining on No. 1 my interest grew
to solicitude. When No stopped moment
to make change on bath ticket for new
conner, and lost ground in the race, my solici-
tude rose to anxiety. When No. caught up
again, and both he and his comrade were pull
ling the towel away and brushing the powd-
er from their customers cheeks, and it was
about an even thing which one would say
"nextw first, my very breath stood still with
the suspense. But when, at the final culmi-
mating moment, No. stopped to pass a comb
a couple of times through his customers eye
brows, saw that he had lost the race by a
single instant, and rose indignant and quit
ted the shop, to keep from falling into the
hands of No 2; for have nohe of that envia-
BILE firmness that enables man to look calm
ly into the eyes of a waiting barber and tell
him he will wait for bis fellow barber's chair.
stayed out fifteen minutes, and then went
back, hoping for better luck. Ofceurse all
the chairs were occupied now, and four men
sat waiting, silent, unsociable, distraught,
and looking bored, as men always do who are
awaiting their turn in BARRIERS shop sat
down in one of the iron-armed compartments
of an old sofa, and put in the time for while,
reading the framed advertisements
of all sorts of quack nostrums
for dyeing and coioring the hair. Then
l read the greasy names on the private bay
rum bottles; read the names and noted the
numbers on the private shaving cups in the
pigeon-holes; studied the stained and dam.
aged cheap prints on the walls, of battles,
early Presidents, and vOluptuOus, recumbent
sultanas, and the tiresome and everlasting
young girl putting her grandfather's specta-
cles on; execrated in my heart the cheerful
canary and the distracting parrot that few
barber shops are without. Finally, search
ed out the least dilapidated of the last years
illustrated papers that Uttered the foul centre
table, and conned their unjustfiable misrep-
resentations of old forgotten events. At last
my turn came. A voice said "Nextp and
surrendered tO-No. 2 of course. 1t always
happens so. 1 said mcckfy that I was in a
hurry, and it affected him as strongly as if he
had never heard it. He showed up my head
and put napkin under it. He plowed his
fingers into my collar and fxed towel there.
He explored my hair with his claws ond sug-
gested that it needed trimming. / said did
not want it trimmed. He explored again and
said it was pretty long for the present style-
better have little taken off; it needed it be-
hind, especially. said 1 had had it cut only
week before. He yearned over it reflective
ly moment, and then asked, with dispara-
ging manner, who cut it. Icame back at him
promptly with "You didp had him there.
Then he fell to stirring up his lather and re-
garding himself in the glass, stopping now and
then to get close and examine his chin criti-
cally or torture pimple. Then he lathered
to lather the other, when dog fight attracted
his attention, and he ran to the window and
stayed and saw it out, losing two shilings OH
the result in bets with the other BARRIERS, a
thing which gave me great satisfaction. He
finished lathering, meantime getting the
brush into my mouth only twice, and then
began to rub in the suds with his hand; and
as he now had his head turned, discussing
the dog fight with the other BARRIERS, he nat
urally shOveled considerable lather into my
mouth without knowing it, but did. He
now began to sharpen his razor on an old sus-
pender, and was delayed good deal on &C.
count of controversy about cheap masque-
nrade ball he had figured at the night be-
fore, in red cambria and bogus ermine, as some
kind of king. He was so gratiied with be-
ing chaffed about some damsel whom he had
smitten with his charms, that he used every
means to continue the controversy by pre-
tending to be annoyed at the chaffings of his
fellows. The matter begot more surveyings
of himself in the glass, and he put down his
razor and brushed his hair with elaborate
care, plastering an inverted arch of it down
on his forehead, accomplishing an accurate
"part" behind, and brushing the two wings
forward over his ears with nice exactness.-
In the meantime the lather was drying on
my face, and apparently eating into my vitals.
Now he began to shave, digging his fingers
into nv countenance to stretch the skin, max
| ing handle Of my nose now and then, bund
| ling and tumbling my head this way and that
as convenience in shaving demanded, ane
"hawking" and expectorating pleasantly al
| the while. As long as he was on the tough
| side OF my face / did not suffer; but when he
began to rake, and rip and tug at my chin, the
tears came. did not mind his garlic, be-
cause all BARRIERS eat garlic, suppose; but
| there was an added something that made me
l fear that he was decaying inwardly while still
alive, and this gave me much concern. Ht
now put his finger into my mouth to assis
him in shaving the corners OF my upper lip
aud it was by this bit of circumstantial evi
| dence that discovered that part of his du
| ties in the shop was to clean the kerosen
| lamps. had often wondered in an ihdOlent
| way whether the BARRIERS did that, or wheth
| er it was the boss. About this time / wa
| amusing myself trying to guess where h
| would be most likely to cut me this time, bu
| be got ahead of me and sliced me on the end
| of the chin before had got my mind made
up. He Immediately sharpened his razor-h'
| might have done it before. l do not like 6
/ close shave, and would not let him 60 over me
a second time. l tried to get him to put VI
his razor, dreading that he would make fol
| the side of my chin, my pet tender spot, {
/ place which razor cannot touch twice with
out making trouble. But he said he only
wanted to just smooth off one little rough
ness, and in that same moment he slipped hi
/ razor along the forbidden ground, and tn
dreaded pimple signs of a close shave ros
up smarting and answered to the CALL
Now he soaked his towel in bay rum, an,
slapped it all over my face nastily; slapped
over as if human being ever yet washed hi
face in that way. Then he dried it by SLAP
ping with the dry part of the towel, as il
human being ever dried his face in such
fashion; but a barber seldom rubs you like
Christian. Next he poked the bay rum int A.
the cut place with his towel, then choked 20 4
wound with powdered starch, then soaSea nnne q, n
with bay rum again, and would na'e .,e donbt
soaking and powdering foreyermooe,d ,aorsd nO off H
If had not rebeled and oeggeu gsa;oh,ona' oh
nowdered nv whole face now, SUI as.
powu1 Wn and began to plow my halr thought
me me up !po,,h AM his hands and examine his finger
luny i,yloaIiv JI Then he suggested shampoo, an
Sa;J NV hair needed it badly, very badly.
Observed that had shampooed it myself yer
thoroughly in the bath yesterday. "ha
him" again. He next recommended some Q
"Smith's Hair Glorifier," and offered to Sc
me a bottle. declined. He praised th
new perfume, "Jones's Delight Of the Toilet
and proposed to sell me some OF that. d'