Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1871-06-01
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

A TINE 10 RUN-When you are in
hurry.
A JOINT AFFAIR WITH BUT SINGLE
PARTY TO Inflammation.
IT Ia only ugly men whom women tell
they can't bear handsome ones
A BOY who undertook to ride a horse.
radish Is now practicing on saddle of
mutton.
LowELLs mean man was given box of
strawberries, recently, and on returning
the empty box wanted five cents for it.
He that studies booka alone will know
how things ought to be; and he that
studies men will know how things are.
A BILL giving married women their
separate earnings has been passed by the
Pennsylvania Legislature.
THE greatest pain annihilator y said !
to be a boy who has smashed 1000 wu-
dows this year.
A HORSE that trots mile to sulky in
2 :15 is exciting San Francisco. The ami
NAL was rescued from a butchers cart.
Ex-Governor Stanford has paid $4,000
for him.
A STUDENT at Yale startled the class at
recitation the other day. "What stars
never set?" asked the professor, and
Roo stars!" was his prompt reply, sab
eocs.
"SnoT through the heart" is common
expression, yet out of 1882 cases of gun
shot wounds reported during the late war,
it is said that in only four cases the bullet
wounded the heart
Two honest and obstinate Lewis County,
N. Y, farmers have lawsuit about a
patch of land, worth perhaps ten dollars,
which has lately been tried for the fifth
time. The fees and costs incurred thus
far amount to several thousand dollars.
A VENERABLE joke in new dress:
"Wbat return" justice cries,
Upon that writ for smiths arrestl"
The ready CLERK at once replies,
''Tis written on the writ, non est"
I" Nor est, indeedl Imagine If you can,
Joe Smiths surprise when called an 'onest manF'
SIDNEY SMITH recommends it as a rule,
to try to make at least one person happy
every day, and adds the calculation Take
ten years, and you will have made $3.50
persons happy, or frightened a small
town, by contribution to the fund of gen.
eral JOY.
DURING late performance of the
Lady of Lyons" at the Mormon theater
in Salt Lake City, an old elder got up and
Indignantly walked out OF the house with
his twenty. four wives muttering, won't
stay and see a play where man makes
such an awful fool of himself about one
woman"
IT is officially announced in Massa-
chusetts State document that women en-
ployed in homework in Boston live, as a
rule, in greater comfort than any other
class of female laborers--that is their food
is better, lodgings more comfortable, and
their wages enable them to dress neatly
and comfortably, and to save something.
The Whole of It,
"The woman OF the coming timer
Shall man to vote appoint herr
Well yes or no; your bottom dime
He'll do as she's min ter
We know she will" or else she WON'T
Twill be the same as now;
And II she does, or II she don't,
God bless her, anyhow
An eminent journalist in Kalamazoo,
Mich, declared in his paper that rival
editor had seven toes. The rival editor
thereupon came out in double-leaded
article, ia which he denounced the state
ment as untruthful and declared that the
"author of it was a liar and scoundrel."
The eminent Journalist replied that he
didn't for moment wish to have 1t under.
stood that he meant that all seven Of
those toes were on one foot And now
the rival editor tries to avoid the public
scorn by asking his readers seriously, Are
these subjects which ought to be dis
cussed in organs whose duty 1t Is to mold
public opinioni'
THE New York Hail tells the followiD9
suggestive story, for the edification OF
young ladies addicted to the free distribu.
ton Of their pictures: "A short time ago,
q very strict young lady in society gave
her photograph to a devoted admirer for
| his locket. Two days afterward her
brother found II on the floor Of a billiard
saloon, decorated with pair Of mustaches
and an immense cigar, artistically done
with pin"
How TO MEND STocKINGs-We were
amused the other day at a lady friends &C
count of the manner In which her servant
girl mepded her stockings. When hole
appeared in the toe, Bridget tied string
around the stocking below the aperture
and cut off the protecting portion. This
operation was repeated as often as neces-
sary, each time pulling the stocking down
little, until at last it was nearly all cut
WHICH, rCWCd Vu HCW lCRs,
and thus kept her stockings always in re-
pair l-Portland Transcript.
THE Corydon Howa) Monitor says
1.-TWO days since, pair Of turtle-doves lit
on door.yard fence in Corydon. One
was seen TO take wing toward the house,
and was probably blown against IL by the
strong wind, for in moment it lay dead
on the ground at the corner Of the house
The other one flew to the spot, walked
around its mate, whose sudden stiffness it
did not understand, called 1t, and tried
with many manifestations Of affection, to
gain its attention. For an hour it perse-
vered, and moved TO tears the household
that witnessed the circumstance. Another
dove came and lit not far away, and the
two flew away together"
AN old lady read an item in one Of the
papers, the other day, describing how q
grindstone burst in q saw-factory, and
killed four men. She Just happened to re-
member that there was small grindstone
down in her cellar, leaning up against the
wall. So she went out and got an acct
dent insurance policy, and then, summon.
ing the hired girl, and holding the pie
board in front Of her, 50 that II the thing
exploded, her face would not be injured,
an a hoI tho oxrua toLnu c,,t In thu allan