Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1871-06-29

lncy lie sui.
The man "who couldn't find his match
went to bed in the dark
A humane Society recently arrested a
young woman for beating an egg.
The young lady at Allemagoozelum,
who was up with the lark, is now down
with the rheumatism
It's conjectured that professional thieves
lead an easy life, because they take things
easy.
Grandma" said shrewd child, "do
you want some candy?"
"Yes dear, / should Ike some"
Then il You will buy me some will
give you half" said Polly.
:" can marry any girl ] please" said a
young fellow boastingly.
Very tree" replied his waggish COM
panion, for you can't please any"
A disreputable scamp described is
deceased uncle rs "a greedy old pig
Being asked why he spoke SO of him, he
said, because he left me nothing in his
lslwill."
A gentleman took his country cousin
to the theatre recently. On coming out,
he remarked,
They played well, didn't theyg"
The cousin from the rural district looked
round at him, and said,
"Ofcourse they did; that's what they
are raid to do"
There's practical criticism for you'll
A young lady, recently married to a
farmer, one day visited the cow-houses,
when she thus Intercepted her milk
maid,
"By-the-by, Mary, which of these COWS
is it that gives the buttermilk."
Now, my little boys and girls" said a
teacher, IL want you to be very still, SO
still that you can hear pin Drop?
In moment all was silent; when lit
tie boy shrieked out,
Let her drop"
An lrishman leaning against a lamp
post as funeral procession was passing
by, was asked who was dead.
=" can't exactly say, sir, but 1 presume
1t is the jintleman in the coffin"
A man who had purchased a new pair
of shoes, finding the road to be rather a
rough one, concluded to put the shoes
under his arm, and walk home barefootcd.
After awhile he stubbed his great toe.
taking the nail off, as clear as a whistle.
" How luckyI" he exclaimed; what a
tremendous lick that would have been for
the shoes,''
A certain lighthouse-keeper, newly ap-
pointed to post, was told the other day,
that complaints were made against him.
" For WHAT" was the inquiry.
Why" was the reply, "they say your
lights do not burn after twelve o'clock at
night"
Well" answered the man, 81 know
they don't. for put 'em out myself then /:
for thorght all the vessels had got in
by that time, and | wanted to save the
ile"
An old topper who had attended scien-
tific lecture, where the learned professor
caused several explosions to take palce
from the gases produced by water, said,
" You don't catch me putting water in my
liquor after this. had no idea before
that water was so dangerous, though
never liked to take too much of it,"
A gentleman was seated with other per-
sons i'm room where a country girl sat
bolt upright and utterly silent. Silence,
indeed, fell upon the entire party, and the
gentlemen first alluded to said, in what
he supposed to be an almost inaudable
tone of voice,
awful pause:"
"Well, Mister" exclaimed the indig
nant country lass, jumping up, "you'd
have awful paws, too, if you had to do the
scrubbing that do"
Two Dutch farmers in Canada, whose
farms were adjacent, were out in their re-
spective fields, when one heard an unusu-
ally loud following in the direction of a
gap in high stone wall and ran with all
speed to the place, and the following brief
conversation ensued:
"Shon, vat ish de matter?"
"Vell, den," says John, Il was trying
to climb on tie top of dish stone wall, and
/ fell off, and tie stone wall tumbled down
onto me, and has broken one of my legs
off, and part of my arms, smashed my rib
| in, and desc pig stones are laying on te
top of mine body" E
'Tsh dat all ?" says the other; "vy, you
hollow so big loud / tot you got tie toof.
ache"
Administrators Sale.