Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1871-07-08
My wife's Bridal Tour.
[Trom Arte.nas Wa.d's Joarnal.l

dreadful set abont going of on bridal tour
| told her shod better wait six months or
year, and I'd try and 90 with her, but she said
she'd rather 90 alone-when a woman was
travelling man was an out and out humbug.
go gave her seventy-fvc cents aud told
he. to 20 and have good time never be-
grudge money where my wifss happiness Is
concerned. Ny first wife never could COM
plain Of not going anywhere, for I'm dreadful
icrce to go off on a good time myself, and al
ways was. can't say bow often took her
to SEQ the engine sq1irt-and there was no end
TO TIE free lectures let hergo to- The noigh-
bors use to say, at beats all how the SINNERS
do goI" ,-.-. .''s 90
When Signor Bli,z was in Skuukyille with
his wonderful canaries, he gave my wife !
complimentary ticket. not only sold that
ticket for my wife, but gave her half of the
money Idon't boast Of it though only
mention it to show how much thought Of
her happiness.
don't thiul, any man ought to set married
until he can consider his wiie's happiness on
ly second to his own. John Wise, neigh
Dor of mine, did thusly, and when got mar
ried, concluded to do like Wise.
But the plan didn't work in the case Of my
second wife. No, should say not. broach-
ed the subject kindly.
Matilda" I said, "I suppose you arc
aware that am your lord and master"
Not much you amt, said she.
"Mrs. Skinner" replied, "you are fear
fully disorganiled You need recognizing at
once. You are cranky" and hourished my
new sixty-cent umbrella wildly around her.
She took the umbrella away from me and
locked me up in the clothes press.
am quick 10 draw an inference, and tho
inference drew here was that was not
success as a reorgauizer Of female wemen.
After this l changed my toctics. ! let her
have her own way, aud the plan worked 10 a
charm from the very first. It's the beet way
Of managing a wife that know of
or course this is between you and me
So when my wife said she was bound to
go off on bridal tour, somehow cordially
assepted
"Go, Matilda" said I, and stay as long 40
you want to, and if you'feel as though you
would like to stay little longer, stay, my
dear, stay"
She told me to stop talking, and so up
stairs and get her red flannel nightcap, and
that bag of pennyroyal for her Aunt Abigail.
Ny wife is a very smart woman. She was
q Baxter, and the Bayters are very smart
family indeed Her mother, who Is going on
eighty, can fry more flap jacks now than half
of those pimpled up city girls, who rattle on
the piano, or else walk the streets with
their fubelows aud fixings, pretending to Get
mad if young chap looks a. them pretty
hard, but getting mad in earnest if you don.
take any notice Of them at all
All girls amt what they used to bo when
was young, and the fellows are worse STILL
When l went courting, fos instance, never
thought of staying til after ten o'clock, aud
oaly twice week. Now they go seven times
in week, and cry because there amt eight.
Then they write touching notes to each other
during tho day Dear George DO you love
me as much as you did at quarter past
twelve o'clock las. night2 Say you 60, dear
est aud t viii give me courage to 90 down
aud tackle them cold beans left over from yes
terlay"
Well, well, | suppose they enjoy themselves.
and it amt for Us old folks whose hearts have
got little callousod by long wear to interfere
Let them get together and court If they like
it-and l think they do was forty-seycn
when courted my present wife bnt II seems
just as nice to sit on little cricket at her feet
and let her smooth my hair, as i. did thirty
years ago.
As l said before my wife is very smar.
woman but she couldn't he anything else and
be Baxter. She used 20 g.ye lectures on
womGn's rights, and in one place where she
Iecturcd, a big college conferred the title of
L. L. D. upon her. But she wouldn't take IT,
No, gentlemen" said she "giyc i to the
poor" She gave my boys permission to go
barefoQted ell winter, and insisted upon il 50
much in her kind way, that they couldn't re-
fuse
She fairly dotee upon my children, and I've
seen her many time 60 to their trowser pock-
cts and take out their penpics after they'd
gone to sleep, and put them in her bureau
drawer for fear they might loose them.
/ started to tell you all about my wifes
bridal tour, but the fact Is, ! eond never find
much out about It myself believe she had
good time. She came back improved in
health, and found out, before she had been
in the house twenty-four hours, that she'd
gained in strength also. ] don't say how
found it out. l simply say found it out.
In conclusion, l would say to all young
men to marry your second wife frst, and
keep cut Of debt b. all means, even If you
have TO borrow money to do ii.