Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1871-07-27
Wit and Wisdom.

way.
WHEN man is unable to tell the
time by his watch, because there are
two hands, and he dosen't know (which
to believe it is tolerably sure sign
that he has partaken of more refresh
ments than his nature requires.
FIRST young lady: $50 poor Susan
is dead :" Second young lady; Yes.
poor thing. She suffered terribly,
didn't she! And only think, she
couldn't wear that beautiful silk dress
her mother gave her, and It's too short
for her sister
In Chicago, personals are made MP in
this touching vein: "T. ]. Falls was
his name, And / shall not deny, With
regard to the same, That he came from
Shanghai, And he put up last night
at the Sherman, Considerably close to
the sky"
A sTAID colored citizen of New Or.
leans, riding i'll a cart one warm dav
recently, was astounded by his UNI
brella suddenly breaking out into a
fierce blaze. He was not smoking at
the time, and the cause remains to him
ga perfeck mis'try.'
A NAUGHTY little boy blubbering be-
cause his mother wouldn't let him 90
down to the river on the Sabbath, upon
being admonished said, q didn't want
to go a swimmin' with 'em ma. only
wanted to go down and see the bad lit
tie boys drown for going swimmln' on
a Sunday
SOME years ago, in the days Of stages,
as a stranger was riding into North
ampton, Mass, on the box with the
driver, he inquired Of him in regard to
the denomination of the different
churches as they passed them. "This,"
said the driver, pointing to the Old
Church, " is the Old Line and this"
pointing to the Edwards Church, g is
the New Line and that (the Unitarian)
is the Accommodation"
"Now, young people," said pro-
fessor Of natural history to his class,
"now then, as to hens: a hen has the
capacity of laying just six hundred
eggs, and no more and she finishes
the Job in just about five years. Now
what's to be done with her after that "
"Cut Oft her head and sell her for a
spring chicken" exclaimed an uchin
whose father dealt in poultry.
THE last rat story is from Chicago.
In house where the rats had been
very troublesome traps had long been
set, but to no purpose. Finally some
of the family determined to watch the
I trap. 1t was cunningly set. Soon
young rat appeared and was about
I OF bn 60 N
old rat rushed to the rescue seized the
indiscreet juvenile by the tailand drag
ged him oft to the hole.
THE Indians of Arizona. are exceed
ingly fond of dog meat, eat it on great
occasions, and lay it before distin-
guished visitors, be they white or red.
/ The Apaches consider the flesh of
mules Il great delicacy, and will go
/ further, fight harder and lie more to
/ obtain it than they would 90, fight and
/ lie even to scalp white man, and yet
they are the most blood-thirsty and
cruel of all the tribes.
An attendant at Mt. Vernon, not
/ long since found a lady weeping most
bitterly and audibly with her handker-
chief at her eyes. He stepped up to
her and said, " Are you in any trouble,
madam 'No sir, she sobbed. Il
saw you weeping. "Ah said she,
chow can any one help weeping at the
grave of the Father of his Country "
"Oh, indeed, madam, - said he, that's
/ it The tomb is over yonder, this is
the ice house"
/ A GENTLEMAN from Philadelphia was
+ recently commanding a young friend to
/ the notice Of Chicago merchant, and
closed his appeal by saying; He
comes Of very good family; both his
( father and grandfather were prominent
men in the East" :" Were they? "
responded the merchant. "That is
good, but it is of no account with us
here. There is less daddyism in Chi
cage than in any other place in the
/ United States.
( t. Is a pretentious young man Of
slender requirements, who affects lit
erature especially in the presence of
young ladies. On one occasion he
brought down the house by asking
lady If she had read Mr.. Dickens's last
novel, "The Diamond Edition! y A
more astounding blunder is the fol-
lowing; Seeing copy of Lalla
Rookh lying on centre-table, he call
ed attention to it, when somebody in
CURED if he had ever read it. No,
he replied, " I have never read any OF
Miss Rookh's poems.
SOME men show most wisdom in
making plumbers. A Western journal
list seems to have been wiser than he
knew, when, drawing upon his memory
for poetical quotations about woman,
he delivered himself in his newspapers
rs follows;