The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-01-07

cred. and because Sheridan is still in Europe.
1t is said that Mrs. Justice of the Peace Nor.
ris ceased to be an expounder Of the law, because
of a ten.pounder of baby A weighty reason,
truly.
An exchange Gays: "The young farmers
around Jacksonville are marrying the dumb
girls of the asylum" DO they not make "dum
good" wives9
A. T. Stewart says, half of the colored kid
gloves in the country ware once hides of puppies.
That accounts for the fact that so many
''puppies" are still wearing them!
An exchange recommends the following to
female artists
| It is said that if woman would paint the skin
| of the face blue, at the corner of the eyes FOR
small space, shading off in the direction of the
ear, it would give a languishing softness to the
| countenance, and will make the greatest shrews
look lovely, mild and meek
Certain strong-minded females in Boston are
| trying to hold peace convention, and the whole
world is invited to attend it. 1t is suggested
that thay will conduce most to the peace of the
world by first holding their own peace.
Illinois braRs of three. months old calf that
gives pint Of milk a day. This is a republic
can gain-and the only one yet reported
| A Louisiana woman has given birth to three
| children a. once-one white, one black, and the
other about the complexion of brass kettle.
She says 1t is unaccountable, such thing
| never happened to her before. Under the radi.
oal administration of Louisiana one don't know
what to expect.
| Plenty Of nickel cents have accumulated at
Wsshington.-Er.
What pity more common sense could not be
accumulated thers.-M Statesman.
Uent.sible to tho last.
Master Charlie Jones, Of Jamestown has made
three hundred and one different words of the
| word treason"
Give that boy cent and he would make
million Of dollars out of it. We invite our boy
readers to take the word treason" and make
the NEST OF it," as the orator said, and report
to us.
girl OF twenty years, near Alton, Ills, has
! contracted with her father to dig him well at
70 cents foot. She was twenty feet under
ground at last accounts, and no less than three
offers of marriage from delighted young farmers
have gone down that hole since it was com.
| menced.
She is likely to realize that "all is we'll that
ends WE'LL
Chicago has a boy who can recite his Sunday
School lesson with one hand tied behind him. on
carom table, push shot barred.
| Does he use a "brdge' and "mace," and order
| UP the "snorts" on "nne shot? ?"
The King of Greece received General Sheridan
with the9 exhilerating remark that he was glad
to take the hand of a countryman Of George
Francis Train.-Er.
That was highly complimentary to Sheridan,
but SANDER on Train, who, with all his follies,
| never was butcher Of women and children, nor
q conceited radical swill.tub nor what is worse
-Graut's pet.
At lecture in Liverpool, Dr. W. Hickman
triumphantly asked: Where is the religiosity
| of the anthropoid qradrumana," Tremendous
applause) An, where, indeed?
Ans Gone where the woodbne twiaeth
Barnum recently told CORES pond.nt, allu-
ding to his proposed new travelling stow: II
| ON nearly dead with ennui. I have been play.
ing the gentleman for four years, with plenty of
| money and nothing to do, and am nearly dead
| l don't want TO make money; l mean to give
| away every dollar make. Bat l must work
| or die"
We advise him to start a newspaper in coun.
try town, and do busness mostly on "tick."
If he will try this We will guarantee that he
will get in the poor house sooner than by any
| other method ever heard Of
The Illinois St,1 Journal the radical organ at
Springfield, is not Of course kindly disposed to.
| wards Catholics in general, and the Pope Of
| Rome in particular. When it was announced
that His Holiness had accommodated the King
| Of Italy, some one copied DR.. Stops famous curse
in the fiction of "Trstram Shandy," by Sterne,
and pa!med it off upon the editor as being gen.
| uins 'cuss' uttered by the Pope.
AT the recent election in the 10th representa-.
tive district, in this state Michael Donagho was
the radical candidate for member OF the leyisls.
| ture. The radicals, thinking all Irishmen were
paddles" or "Pa.s," had most OF their tickets
printed Patrick, instead Of Michael When the
| votes were counted it WAS found that Patrick
was elected. Straight way quick w,.ed dem.
| ocra:, whose name was Patrick Donayho, claim.
ed the election. and ever since the RAIDS down
that way have been in peck Of trouble. An
exchange gets off the following pan on the
! suoiect:
A correspondent writes us, "who is senator
from the 10Th district-Pstrick or Michae! :"
To this inquiry we can make but one reply
Dunno Gaksbvrg Republican,.