Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-04-29
GATHERINGS BY THE WAYSIDE.

A tough old widower, in response to
n ncishbor who addressed words of COM
fort to him, replied: "Wall, yes, shall
miss hcr--sho was very expensive wo-
man"
-" My dear asked John. on observing
new striped hose on his only heir, "why
have you made barber's poles of Ernest's
legs?' " Because he is little shaver"
was the reply.
A gentleman of experience has discov-
cred one COOL thing in sea-voyaging. lie
says: " You can get as tight AS you please
every day. and everybody will think you
arc only seasck."
They do business with dispatch in
Texas. A man in certain ncighborhood
who had lost valuable mare, received the
following telegraph: Mare here Come
get her. Thief hung"
The Boston women find mild form
of dissipation in chewing gum. A pous
lady Of fashion has announced to her friends
her intention of keeping Lent this year by
giving up her gum till Easter-if she can.
"A citizen" standing near Landon's
platform scales, Rutland. the other day,
asked co!ored individual can a nigser
weigh hog,!' TO which the colored man
replied, " Put yourself on dem scales, and
sc, if hc can't"
--'nsligatcd by the success of the Wash
ing'on man who won $500 by eating a
partridge every day for thirty days, Lou.
isvllc hummer offers to wager $1,000 that
he Will drink a cocktail every morning for
nlncty days, Cincinnati whisky barred
1t is sail that while the Western and
Southern members of Congress were angry
and indignant because the young ladies of
Washington threw beans at them during
the carnival, the Massachusetts, members
quietly gathered as many as possible aud
took them home to bake.
1t is announced by Brother RYDER
that he has become a convert to the doe
trlne of women's rights. 1t is. therefore.
scarcely necessary to add that Bro Ryder
Is a preacher who does not believe in flu.
ture punishment. \ man who has nothing
to fear in the future, is quite apt to be
reckless in many things that he may do in
the present.
"A Washington school boy has a griev-
ance, and writes about it to the Star, thus:
When boy goes to School in the morn
ing and Forgets to Sharpn his Pencil
Why then of Corse he hast to do it in
School An if he does his Teacher takes his
knite away from him. Then he goes home
An tells his Father an he Makes fus,
But he never gets his Knife."
-" Woman snffragism and spiritualism
arc twin sisters of the devil, from which all
tho prevailing denominations of modern in
fdcllty, divorces and prosttutions have
sprung, and more destructive of womans
peace and happiness than any scheme of
'deviltry that has hitherto entered the nod.
dies Of crack brain women and putty.head
'ed men" is the sentiment offered by Ke.
okuk editor.
A disconsolate but sausage loving cit.
izen of New Orleans writes as follows to
ono of the papers published there: "Mr.
Edytur--That what l wish to ask YOU is
whether strychnine, that what the police
gives to dogs, won't poison the human be.
ing after sassingers have been fried. Please
put in the paper how this is, for if fried
strychnine is pizen, go agin sassengers.
Yours till pizened."
-Some thoughtful individual, after du-
" considering the subject of woman suf-
frage, raises serious inquiry. which he
p.ropounds in the following fashion g S'po.
sing that--a-now-Olive Logan FIR in.
stance, should be made President of this
great and glorious country, bequeathed to
US oy noble sires, and all that, she'd be
PRESIDENT Logan. wouldn't she? Well,
now' s'posing she was to marry man by
the name ot-of Perkins, f'r instance.
would 1 she be President Logan, or Presi,