The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-02-23
Life In shakesperean Boarding
House.
ny THE FAT CONTRIBUTOR.

BY THE FAT CONTRIBUTOR.
What uncomfortable people Shakes
peares characters would be to associate
with every day. Fancy your living in
the same clearinghouse with Hamlet
Othello, Shylock, Richard Ill, King
Lear, Juliet Mr.. and Mrs. Macbeth
and the rest. How they would take
away your appetite, and what dreams
you would have.
Shylock, claiming his pound of flesh
every morning, and taking it in tender
loin before any one else can get chance
at the steak; Macbeth giving you the
fidgets at dinner by rolling his eyes and
starting continually as his fancy paints
the murdered Banquo sitting at the ia
bic, apostrophizing it as it grins among
the tea things. Alas poor Yorick
He knew him well, Horatio although
he neflects to inform us whether or moi
he was acquainted with him when he
rasn't we'll.
How disagreeable it would be to rur
against Lady Macbeth in dark hall
as you grope your way to your room late
at night, and hear her whisper in blood
curdling tones
"Hark Il laid their daggers ready
or encounter dusky Othello with 6
feather bolster under his arm, going tc
make himself a widower. Your nerve
would be on a strain continually, anC
it would be almost impossible to enjoy
a quiet meal or enjoy a good night
rest.
If on a soft moonlight night vol
should take stroll in the garden, vol
would be likely to stumble over Romeo
kneeling among the gooseberry bushes
swearing undying devotion to Julie
sitting at her window;
Lady, by yonder blessed moon swear,
| That tips with silver oil these fruit tree
tops
(Those were the days OF specie pay
ment, remember. Fit tipped ANYTHING
to the fruit tree-tops it now would b,
nickels or postal.
Old King Lear would be a charmin!
addition to small and highly select te'
party. How nice it would be to hav,
him room next door to you, and hea
him rave. of stormy night
BLOW, wind, and crack your cheeks! rage
| 81 blow!
You cataracts, and hurricanes, spout
Till you have drenched our steeples, drowned
| the cocks!
You sulphurious Notwithstanding fires,
| 'Vaunt-couriers of oak-cleaving thunder
bolts,
SINCE my white head And thou,hll-shakin!
| thunder,
Strike fiat the thick rotundity ofthe world
Richard Ill. wouldn't be the nices
man in the world for fellow boarder
either. He has habit of making ava,
with people he takes dislike TO, and ;
mania for smothering children wheneve
lie catches them in the tower. He il
peevish and hard to suit If he orders
a team from a livery-stable, he is no
satisfied when it comes, but prance
around in the front yard, yelling
Give. me another horse!"
He finds fault with the landlady anC
threatens every day to change hi;
clearinghouse, saying
--"Here will lie tonight.
But where tomorrow?
If he is momentarily amiable over the
report that another Of his victims ha:
lust expired, he quickly relapses into hi:
old mood, and Richards himself
AGAIN - il being so difficult for Richard
to be anybody else.
Julius Cesar is a magnificent object
in tragic history, but who would want tc
sit at the table with him every day
Be compelled to quail perpetually before
that eye whose bend doth awe the
world and hear that tongue Of his
that babe the Romans mark him and
write his speeches in their books cry
"paSS the taters :
Cleopatra Gorgeous old girl! She
had kings for lovers, and inspired al
hearts with Cleopatriotism, Queens
were her waiting-maids and the mon
archs of the earth her retainers Blu,
| wouldn't like to board with her. Aside
from the scandal she would inevitably
occasion among the boarders, her ex
travagant appetite for pearls dissolved
in vinegar would ruin any boarding
house keeper in the country. We would
have Antony following her about all
the time, to the neglect Of his regular
business, whining-"Iam dying, Egypt
dying.
Then her cultivation OF asps as pets
would render her a dangerous as well as
disagreeable person to have around the
house.
Falstaff would be q jovial boarder,
making it lively for the boys, but he
would breed famine, and it would be
impossible for a man to keep ANYTHING
to drink in his room when old Jack was
around.
After mature deliberation l think |
should prefer to board with everyday
people, if they are not quite so distin-
guished or interesting, than live among
Shakespeare famous creations.
Curious Facts COncering 1871.
Somebody has been bordering the
almanac, and discovered the following