The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-06-24
THE JOSH billings PAPERS,

''Nhat L knO About Pharmfn.''
| What kns about pharrniA is kus.ed little.
| Nj buzzum friend, Horace Greeley, has rit q
book with the abuv name, and altho haven,
had time tew peeroose it, yet don't hesitate ia
pronounce it bully.
if was running pharm now daze) sup.
pose would rather have 81 bushels of sum nu
breed Of potatoze, raised ON theory, than tew
hav "a bushels, got in the mean, bsnighted, and
| underhand way, of our late lameuted grand
parents.
Pharlnin, after all, is good deal like the tav.
ern Dizziness, emmy body thinks they kan keep a
hotel now daze). and emmy boldly thinks they
kan pharn it now daze), and utey Kan, bu. thi.
Is the way that poor hotels cum tew be so plen.
ty, and thi. is likewize what makes pharmin
such cay and profitable Dizziness.
Just take the theory out ov pharmin, and there
amt nothing left but hard work and all fired lite
krops.
When see so mucth pholks rushing into the.
DRY pharmin, as there is now dazel, and 20 men.
ny ov them rushing out agn think of that re.
markable piece OF skrptur, which remarks,
"nsnny are called. but few are chosen
Ii man really is anxious tew make mummy
on pharm, the less theory be lays in the better,
and he must do pretty much all the work hisself,
aud support his family on what he kant sell,
and 60 ragged enuff all tho time tew hunt bees.
kno ov menny farmers who are so affixed
with superstishun that they wont plant single
bean only in the last quarter of the moon, and i
kuo ov others so pregnant with science that they
wont set gate post until they have had the
ground anallzed bi sum professor of anatomy,
tew see II the earth has got the right kind of in.
gredience for post holes.
This is what call running science into the
ground.
The fakt ov it il, that theories of all kinds,
work well except in praktiss they are 100 often
designed 10 do the work Of praktiss.
Thare amt no theory in braking mule, only
to go at him with kl1b in yure hand and sum
blood in yure eye, and brake him, jass a. you
would split a log.
What know about pharmin amt with mutch
emmy how, but i undertook to brake a kicking
heifer once.
read treatiss on the subiekt and followed
tke directions Cluss and got knokt endwszs in
about minits
then sot down, and thought the thing over.
made up mi mind that the phellow who
wrote the treatiss was more in the treatss bizzi-
ness shan he was in the kicking heifer trade.
cum to the konklushun that what he kuu
about milking kicking heifers no had learnt by
leaning over barn.yard fence aud writing the
thing up.
got up from my reaeckshuns strengthened
and went for that heifer
will draw vail over the language used,
and the things did, but went in to win, and
icoa e.!
That heller never bekum a cow
This is way TO brake q kicking heifer and
after u man has studdyed all the books In kre-
atom on the subjek, and tried them on, he will
fall back onto my plan, and make ", his mind,
as l did, that kicking heifer is wuth more
tor beef than she is for theoretick milk.
have worked on pharm just long enuff tew
kno that thare IL 10 prayers SO good for poor
land as manure, and no theory kan beat twelve
hours each day, (suudaze exceptei) of honest la.
Dor applied tew the sile.
am an old-phashioned phellow, and hartily
hate most nu things, bekause hav bin beat by
them so often.
much by theory, but what waz for sale, or to let,
IN "a fu years, aud never knu pharm that waI
worked 81 manure and muscle, on the good old
ignorant way ov our ancestors, but what wax
handed down from father to son, and alwus wax
noted for razing brawney armed boys and bux.
ON lasses, and fust rate potstoze.
What kno about pharmin, IL nothing but ex.
periense, and experience (now daze) amt worth
Q kuss.
had rather hav good looking theory tew
ketch flats with, that the experience even Of Me.
thusler.
Experience il good thing to lay down and
die with, but " kant do no Dizziness with it
(now dazel; it amt hot enuff
Give me a red hot humbug, and i kan make
most Of the experience iu this world ashamed of
itself.