Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-07-21
HuInOr.


The love of evil is the root Of all money. |
Time is money-except the time of need.
What part of speech is kissing? A con-
junction
To rob man Of his money is to wound
him in the chest.
When is a mother father? When she's
'sigher.'
Beauty is worse than wine, it intoxicates
both the holder and beholder.
A bad marriage is like an electric ma
chine; it makes you dance, but you can't let
it 60.
Why is a young lady forsaken by her low
er like deadly weapon? Because she is
cutlass.
When Patrick first tried peaches, he said
he liked the favor, but the seeds lag hard
on his stomach.
What is the only thing that will cool the
excited minds of the French? Why, good
Nap, to be sure.
Why is a woman trying her corset like
man drinking to drown care? Because in So
lacing herself she becomes tight.
Charley says: Make yourself a good man
and then you will be sure there is one rascal
less in the world
What is that which he who has it not
does not wish for. but he who has it would
not part with it for any money? bald
head.
Yc who are eating the apple dumplings
and molasses of wealth, should not forget
those who are sucking the herring bones Of
poverty.
Not on squeezing terms any more, is the
way Prairie du CHEN young lady describes
the relation between herself and her late
lover.
1t is funny to see boarding school Miss
afraid of cow, Notwithstanding she did all
the milking at home few months previ-
ous.'
A bachelor friend suggests that in most
marriages considers "sofr SOAP" with
strong I've is used, and the whole operation
ends in shaving
An Illinois widower has been tarred and
feathered for playing croquet to while away
the tedious interval between his wfe's death
and burial.
If young lady wishes young man to
kiss her, what papers would she mention!-
No Spectators no observers, but as ma
ny Times as you like.
Beauty is power wrote New Orleans
merchant upon his cosmetic. Beauty is
POWDER it read, after a droll wag had chan
ged letter.
For one woman who gets a husband by
, means of snowy dress and costly jewels, nine
fail to get husbands because of the costliness
of their attire and the disposition and taste
it indicates.
The New York Tribune has correspon-
dent, who, in its own language, is going |
through the South Prominent Radicals
have been going through the South for sew
eral years.
A Young doctor in a new settlement on
being asked to contribute towards inclosing |
and ornamenting the village cemetery, very
coolly remarked that if be filled it he did |
his part.
A reader writes to the Baltimore Sun
that he takes no stock in the new woman's
club He says the 'old woman's club is
enough for him, and frequently most too
much. ia.
A maiden lady alluding to her youthful
accomplishments, said that at six months of
age she went alone. A malicious individu-
al present remarked: Eyes, you have been
going alone ever since.'
Put out your tongue little further
said doctor to female patient, "a little fur
Their STILL why, DOCTOR, cried the gasping
invalid, do you think there is no end to a
woman's tongue?'
I wish you had been Eve, said an urohin
to stingy old aunt proverbial for her mean
ness why SOP Because said he. you
would have eaten all the apple, instead of
dividing it,
A lady at Utica recently attempted to
hang herself, but the neighbors rushed in
and cut her down. Her disguised husband
thinks 'some folks had better stay at home
and not NEEDLE with other peoples affairs
A gentleman in Chicago. who was arrest
ed for cruelty to a miserable looking horse,
was asked if be ever fed him. Ever fed
him? that's good un,' was the reply He's
got bushel and half Of oats at home now,
only he amt got time to eat EN-
A little boy had great liking for the wa.
ter. His mother told him not to 60 on the
wharves or near the water-'For. Freddy,
if you should get drowned we would never
know what had become of YOU 'Oh, yes,
you would, cause it would be in the news.
papers
A young lady, hesitating for word in
describing the character Of a rejected suit.
or. said: He is not tyrant, not exactly !
domineering, butt 'Dognatic,' suggested
her friend. No, he has not dignity enough
for that; ! think pup-matic would convey
my meaning
A traveller was recently boastipg Of the
luxury Of arriving at nj ht after hard
days journey, to partake Of the enjoyment
Of left leg Of a goose.
pray, sir, what is the peculiar luxury of |
a left leg?' Sir. to conceive the luxury.
you must find that it is the only leg left.
An IsyErERArE PuNsyER. G.. was
a most inyeterate punster. Dying very jill
of cholera, his nurse proposed to prepare a
Young, tender chicken. Hadn't you better
take an old hen, said g., in log whisper
he was too ill to speak louder-'for she
would be more apt to lay on my stomach