The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-05-20

ing.
Darwin's theory concerning the descent Of man
is creating q tremendous sensation among the
monkeys. They have just heard of it, and are
terribly excited They repudiate the whole
theory. That man descended from them they
consider slur on the entire monkey race.
A cage of John Robinson's monkeys held an
Indignation meeting over the matter the other
day, after the performance. A venerable chin.
panzes. whose grey hairs entitled him to the
distinction, wac made chairman. and sitting in
swing presided with the utmost dignity He
got little excited in his speech rs he took the
chair, but this was pardonable under the cir.
cumstances. What" exclaimed the venerable
baboon Man descended from rs l repudi.
ate the idea with scorn. True, We have our
faults"
"We are accused Of cutting up monkey shines
sometimes, and not without cause, bat this at
tempt to make US father the human race il alto.
gether too much. Is it not enough that poverty
requires US to travel around tho country in this
manner to make a livelihood; to exhibit our.
selves to gaping men, women and children at
SO much a head, when twe-thirds Of them
haven't any head at all to speak off, without
having it flung in our faces that we originated
the pack of fools styled men! p
His remarks were received with every expires.
sion of delight possible to the monkey. Some
stood on their pyramidical heads, others hung
by their tails, while others threw fipfsps from
one end of the cage to the other.
A monkey who had travelled much and seen
great deal and who had probably used the eats
paw to pull more chestnuts out of the fire than
any other monkey of his age, next addressed
his fellow citizens:
Said he: This Darwin has inflicted dis
grace upon US that mon key of any self.re.
spect will hesitate to resent l fling his base in.
situations back into his teeth A wild chatter
Of applause If man was indeed descended from
us, what fall was there, my countrymen
Prolonged bowls of derision.) If l had this
base slanderer of our race--this Darwin, who
dn'HEs fame by traducing us-I would r-r.rend
him in pieces with these pentadaotylous hands,
and whip him to death with this prehensile
tail :" Immense cheering)
The chairman interrupted the speaker to re.
mind that no puns would DO allowed. Nobody
but men perpetrated puns and pun was alto.
gether beneath the dignity Of any monkey who
had the least respect for himself. The speaker
promised to be more guarded in the future, and
proceeded with his remarks.
Look at the follies men perpetrate every day.
Did you ever know monkey to make such
fool of himself as they doS Did ysu ever know
monkey to buy ticket to a menagere and 70
staring around and making remarks about bet.
ter people than himself? Did monkey ever
get drunk, or talk about his neighbors, or wear
plug hat unless it was fastened on hi. head by
detestable ring MASTER, or sue for divorce or
lace, or color his whskers or 60 into bankruptcy,
or cheat the printer, or get elected councilman,
or run bad account, or eat hash, or-er run for
congress: Never" Screams and screeches of
assent
MAN descended from the money indeed! If
We were descended from man it would be sui.
fciently disgrsccful l get ashamed when l
think there is a possibility of connecting link
Look at them in their political conventions In
our most idiotic movements did we ever yell and
howl as they DO?
Look at them in congress. A whole menage.
RE on drunk couldn't behave worse. And
where did they get iii They didn't get it from
US, that is sure thing. The key to their non.
sense is not the monkey. IAN admenishing
shake of the head from the presdent.) Mr..
Darwin must seek for his ancestry elsewhere
aud let the monkey alone. He mi ght perhaps
trace it to the beasts of the field or the birds OF
the air. or what is more likely the jackassm
Tremendous applause followed his speech.
After some further remarks on the part of the
distinguished monkeys Of like tenor, the meet.
ing passed series of resolutions utterly repudi.
atind the Dsrwinisn theory and adjourned.