The Sumter watchman. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1855-1881, 1871-02-01
: A wag was requested by an o

- A WaS was requested Dy an ole
lady to read the newspaper for her
He took it up and read as follows:
Last night, yesterday morning, about
one o'clock in the afternoon, before
breakfast, hungry boy, about forty
years old, bought a big custard for :
levy, and threw it through brick wal
nine feet thick, and jumping over it
broke his rite ankle off above his left
knee, and fell into dry mill-pond and
was drowned. About forty years after
that, on the same day, an old cat had
nine turkey gobblers high wind blew
Yankee Doodle on a frying-pan, and
killed SOW and two dead pigs at Boston
where deaf and dumb man was talking
to his Aunt Peter"
Where upon the old lady, taking g
long breath, exclaimed: "Du tell!'
- Some few years since, one of the
clerks in a pron-inent banking. house oi
Albany, having had an intimation that
it was proposed to dispense with his
services, boldly entered the private
Office Of the President and said: "Ml
President, 1 have made up my mind
that the interests os!this fbank require
that either you or myself should leave
its. service AS you are the leading
owner Of the bank, aud have large
family to support, have concluded tt
leave you in your position and retire
myself" The young man retired.
"A Clergyman was once endeavorine
to get subscription in aid of some
charitable institution out of a close
6sted parishioaer, who attempted t.
excuse himself on the ground that hs
already owed a great deal Of money
"But," said the minister, 'tyou Owe
God larger debt than you do any ont
else" "That IS so, parson; but ther
he ain't pushing me, like the balance O
my creditors"
- Two young ladies and an Irish
man we're conyerslng on age, when ont
of them put the home question: "Whicl
Of us do you think is the elder, Mr.. HIP
"Sure," replied the gallant Hilberniau
"you both look younger than eacl
other"
"A thing worth doing IS wortl
doing well. A thing worth advertisin!
is worth advertising we'll. A newspape
worth advertising in once is wortl
making contract with.
TO makea man realize an i1ea a
you realize it, is what is necessary t
make him understand his needs
Advertisements should aim to place
matter so clearly bofore the public TIA
they see it as clearly as the advertise
does.
Sitting in time of prayer is u.terl
without warrant in the Bible, an
contrary to the whole spirit Of tn
Christian religion. "Oh !come let U
all to,e dopn together; let US kne.
before the Lord our Maker.
-Sprigsles, Cue dss uIastSssummel
bired boat and o man 70 row it, o
trust. After they got cut little va.
Spriggles remarked that be Thoughts
was rather row man tick excursion.
-A certain Boston clergyman ,:svh
recently had an umbrella stolen fol
his hall, thinks thai the thief is Hkel
to bring up in the world where aeishi
overcoat nor umbrella will be essenti,
to comfort. 49,
+ = The following was an advertise
ment, 10 Tennessee paper: "Lost {
tstrsde from the scriber shepe all oy,
white-one leg was black and half b
body-all persons shall receive Eve do
lars to bring him. He was a,she cote
F-Beys arss Ike -vinegur.-ths M
amothsrs shsE6 Is II thfmthe sharl
ithey become. s.E s@as.a,~s5 -;
Herel.is i .oaching confessfl
| from abd editor. ss0af Xmas turk,
I-waaa fas bird; itshaa scales on IFS bac
and was taken from q barrel labelled N
& ekSrelp = +