The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1871-07-18
ABOUT BARRIERS.

by Mark Twain.
AN things change except BARRIERS, the
ways Of BARRIERS, and the surroundings OF
BARRIERS. These never change What
ono experiences In barber shop tho first
time he enters one, Is what he always ex-
periences IN barber shopa aiterWard till
the end OfhiS days. II got shaved this
morning as usual. A man approached
the door from Jones street as approach
ed 1t from Main-a thing that always hap
pens. hurried mp, e was OF no use; he
entered the door one little step ahead Of
me, and followed in on hiA heels and
saw him take the only vacant chair, the
one presided over by the best barber. 1t
always happens so. sat down, hoping
that I might fall heir 10 the chair belong.
ing TO the better of the remaining two
BARRIERS, for he had already begun comb
Ing his mans hair, while his COmrade was
mot yet quite done rubbing up and oillng
his customers locks. ! watched the
probabilities with strong interest When
saw that No. 3 was gaining on No. l, my
interest grew to solicftude. When No. l
stopped moment 10 make change on q
|
ground In the race, my solicitude rose 10
anxiety. When No. I caught up again,
and both he and his comrades were pull.
ing the towels away and brushing the
powder from their customers cheeks, and
II was about an even thing which one
would say Next y first, my very breath
stood still with the suspense. But when,
at the final eliminating moment, No. l
stopped TO pass comb couple Of times
through his customers eyebrows, saw
that he had lost the race by q single In.
slant, and rose indignant and quilted
the shop, TO keep from falling into the
hands Of No. 2; for have none of that
enyiable hrmness that enables o man to
look calmly into the eyes Of waiting
barber and tell him he will wait for Ills
fellow. BARRIERS chair. IstaYed out fifteen
minutes, and then went back, hoping for
better luck. OF course all the chairs
were occupied, now, and four men sat
waiting, SILENT, unsoclable, dlstraught,
and looking bored, as men always do
who are awaiting their turn In q bar
bers shop l sat down In ono Of the
iron-armel compartments Of an old sofa,
and put In the time for q while, reading
the framed advertisements OF all sorts OF
quaCk nostrums for dyeing and colorlng
the hair Then l read the greasy names
on tho private bay rum bottles; read the
names and noted the numbers on the
private shaving cups In the pigeon holes;
studied the stained and damaged cheap
prints on the walls, OF battles, early Pres
idents, and voluptuotls, recumbent sui
tanas, and the tiresOme and everlasting
young girl putting her grandfather's spec
tacles on execrated In my heart the
cheerful canary and the distraCting parrot
that few barber shops are without.
Finally, l searched out the least dilapl.
dated Of the last years illustrated papers
that Uttered the foul Centre.table, and
Conned their unlustihable misrepresenta-
tlons Of old forgotten events. At last my
turn came. A voice said "Next p and |
surrendered to-No. 2, Of course. It
Away happens so. ! said meekly that !
was in hurry, and II affected him as
strongly as II he had never heard IL lie
showed up my head and put a napkin I'm.
der IT, He ploughed his fingers into my
collar aud fixed q towel there He ex-
plored my hair with his claws and sug.
gested that II needed trimming. I said 1
did not waut II trimmed. He explored
again and said Il was pretty long fol, the
present slyle-better have q little taken
OF; Il needed II behind, especially. l
said / had had II cut only q week before.
He yearned oyeritreheclively a moment,
and then asked with D dlspataglng man
ner, who cut 1t. came back at him
promptly with o "You didr had him
there Then he fell to stirring up bis
lather and regarding himself in the glass,
stopping now and then TO get close and
examine his chin critically OF torture a
plmplc. Then he lathered one side Of my
face thoroughly, and was about 10 lather
the other, when dog fight attracted his
attention, and he ran TO the window and
stayed and saw II out, losing two shillings
on the result In bets with the other bar
bers, thing which gave me great salts.
faction. He finished lathering, meantime
getting the brush into my mouth only
twice, and then began TO rub In the stids
with his hand !; and as no now had his
head turned, discussing the dog fight
With the other BARRIERS, he naturally
shovelled considerable lather into my
mouth without knowing II, but / did.
He now began to sharpen his razor on an
old suspender, and was delayed good
deal on account oil controversy about a
cheap masquerade ball he had figured AZ
the night before, in red cambria and bogus
ermine, as some kind Of king. He wis
so gratihed with being chaiIed about
some damsel whom he had smitten with
his charms, that he used every means 10
continue the controversy by pretending
to b6 annoyed at the chalilhgs Of his iei.
lows This matter beg0t moro survey
lhgs Of himself In the glass, and he put
down his fazor and brushed his hair
with elaborate care, plasiefing an invetted
arch Ol II down on his forehead, accom-
plishing an accurate part behind, and
brushing Inc two wings forward over his
ears with nice eXacthess. In the mean.
time the lather was drying on my face,
and apparently eating into my vitals.
Now he began to shave, digging his fin
gers into my countenance TO stretch the
skin making a handle Of my nose now
and then, tumbllng my head this way
and that a. convenience In shaving de-
manded, and hawking and expectorating
pleasantly all the while As long as he
was on the tough sides Of my face did
not suffer; but when he began TO rake,
and rip, and tug At my chin. the tears
came ] did not mind his getting so close
down TO me; did not mind his garlic,