The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-12-09
EEef efNS<sIeOGS.

HUMOROUS.
| How did Adam get out of Eden
| lie was sllaked out.
\ New England scientist has dis
covered that milk weighs from two
and a quarter to two and Il half pounds
Il quart according to the size of Il quart.
! \ young man who was caught
pressing his sweetheart to his bosom
the other night, juStiiies himself on
the ground that he has L right to strain
his Own honey.
The question Of the dly is whether it
is more difficult for a girl of the period
to get lieryciotiies in her trunk on her
tit,l.k in her clothes.
MAAIiA-Where is your pain, my
darling!
EDrfH-O, just in that place where
down tony legs.
The difference between cotton-groW-
ing and gr;tlf-produciilS districts i'll
the South is that in the latter the
worms keeps the whisky going, While
in the former it stops the gin.
Here we have a 1irst-r2te bull made
by Il French preacher, Who lately said:
admire the prodigiotis strength OF
Sampson With tine jawbone OF an
ASS he pat Il thousand pililistine.s to the
sword. -
1t is a funny thing about a dentist
that the more he stops the faster he
gets Oh.
An enthusiastic adniirer OF beautiful
1.aanpttxy St, j..I t,.ia,.I
Been to church this morning. he
asserted. 40 church, " es, and
such necks. Full and white and good
enough TO eat-Six ofthem all in a row;
watched 'eln ali through service. o,
my . what necks.
A boy who undertook TO ride
horse-rldish is now practicing OH Il
saddle OF mutton.
y beautiful and atllerrogush young
lady, on being asked how she would
like to be in command ofa ship, arch
ly replied that siSe did not know how
she might succeed with SO large Il YES
sci, but that she could at any time.
command smack.
a local poet indicteda a sonnet to his
mistress, entitled, Il kiss her sub.
rosa" Tie eompositor knew better
than that, and set it up IN printers
Latin. II kiss her snub nosa.''
A victim of Greeley's handwriting
says: Ii Horace had written that III
seription on the wall in Babylon, BEL
shazzar would have been a good deal
more scared than he was.
At 3 California fair recently, several
bottles of strained honey were put OH
i. .iast ,,l,
OF ca stor oil with the rest. The opi,-
ion Of all who tried it was that the
bee that laid it was Il fraud.
A mother-in-Iaw in Iansinobtlre,
New York, is trying to rid her eyes of
a quantity OF red pepper. which in
some strange way or other came
through the keyhoie of her daughter
in-laW's room.
A man with moderate appetite
dined at q hotel, and after eating the
whole of a pig. WAS asked if he would
| have some pudding. lie said he didn't
care much about. pudding, but if they
had another little hog he'd thank
them fer it.
a Dutchman has got off the best
thing on the New York O1.ln.e-Hi-
! bernian row:
If dey wants some fights, let 'em
go back to d,e places dey cooms from.
and get all de fighting dey wants.
What de tuyval have we Americans
got to do nit der oranges and lemons
aud such dings.''
Some reckless fellow defines tippling
/ to be . holding communications with
| elisembottied spirits"
| Croquet is nailet-dictus by the pro-
fassors OF religion i'll Iowa.
/ The first Ingredient in conversation
/ IS truth. the next good sense, the third
] good hunor, and the fourth wit
Nobody is more like an honest man
than a thorough rogue.
Don't believe the man who tells lie
most. Tor lriewing cats are seldom good
/ mouserS.
BY no means put yourself in another
persons power. If you put your
/ thumbs between two grinders. they are
very apt to bite.
/ Put no dependence on label of a
bag, and count money after your own
kind.
IN any business never wade i'll the
water where you cannot see the bot
i tom.