The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-07-20
HUMORS OF II DAT.

A celebrated wit was asked il he
new Theodore Hook. eyes" he
replied; Hook and eye are old ac-
quail tanccs.".
Tom IIugho. thinks that the United
States is in the unique position of n
"nation hcapiug up wealth very fast,
withou. having been educated into
the timc.honorcd way of spending
any amount scientifically"
A Wisconsin postmaster has writ
ten to Washington for "som eternal
rcvenu stamps" he has several "cols
for them"
A man having killed himself on
the Mississippi river recently, an
Arkansas Coroner's jury rendered a
verdict of "suicidc in the first de-
gree"
Whatever Midas touched turned
into gold. In these days, touch a
man with gold and he'll turn into
anything.
A dandy OF twenty-siX having
been termed an old bachelor" APP
pealed to an elderly gentleman to de-
eide whether he should be called old
or not, giving his age, "Twcnty.six,"
said the elderly gentleman, ait is
owing to how you take it. Now, for
q man It is young enough; but for n
goose il is rather Old.'
Good morning, Mr.. Smith. On
the sick list to-day "Ics, sir; got
the aguc.' DO you ever shaker
ayes, shake f~cariully." When do
you shake again ?" "Can't say when ;
shake every day. Why do you ask y
"Oh, nothing in particular; only
thought it you shook so bad Id like
to stand by and see if you wouldn't
shake the five dollars out of your
pocket which you have owed me so
long,
One day Trotter stopped a man on
the road who drove a miserable team
of sick and aged little mules, and
with the ejaculation, Look n here,
pilgrim; | know a man that would
give eight hundred dollars il he
could sec them mules" "Why," cx-
claimed the man, startled at such ali
unexpected prospect of. luck, "ycou
daou't say so. Who is he?" Giles
q blind man." said Trottcr; 'g'lang.'
The editor of a journal published
iii Antwerp sent a reporter to Brus'
sells for the kings speech, and with
him a couple of carrier pigeons tt
take back the documents speedily,
At Brussels he gave the pigeons il
charge of a waiter and called fol
breakfast. lie was kept waiting
some time, but a very delicate fri
casce atoned for the delay. Aitcl
breakfast he paid his bill and called
for the carrier pigeons. pigeons y
exclaimed the waiter, "why, you hay,
cat them"
The daily "coGrsc Of study a
Nassar college embraces two barrels
of flour, five barrels Of potatoes, ONT
barrel OF cC,icp. Onc barrel of soup
two mumutrcd aud sixty pounds o
poui ~, II hundred and eight,
pom lis Ct r asl beef, two hundred
uual OF milk, one hundred and siNt,
quar- sol ,ac. reani, sud eight hundred
egg. II tales three years of thi
sort of toing to perfect the girls il
all tine detail, of A first class cdlca
ton.
II. is ycr> prctcntious young maj
of slender requirements, Who effect
literature, especially in the presence
of youns ladies. On M occasion
he brought down the house by ask
ing q lady if she had read Mr.. Dick
cns's last novel, "Thc Diamond Edi
tom" A most astounding bIunde
is the following: Seeing u copy o
Lalla Rookh lying Oh a ccntrc-tabic
he called attention to it. when some
body inquired il he had ever read it
"No," he replied, 81 have nevc
read any of Miss Rookh's poems"
Owing to the reckless extravaganza,
of q few people in Cincinnati, VIII,
persist in drinking water with thci
whisky, the Ohio river is drained
nearly dry. The authorities will
have to take the matter in hand
and put II stop to the waste, or TIT
steamers will be compelled to lie NJ
until damp weather sets in.
A western lover says OF his part
ing rom his adorcd one: Her las
words fell, like great rocks, into tn,
sea OF my SORROWS, and splashed TIT
briny water into my eyes"
A Kentucky divine was so discon
certcd by the blowing of n nose ap
pertaining to ono of the congregation
that he lost the thread of his dis
course entirely, and had to appeal tt
his audience for assistance. AS ne
one, however. could remember the
text or subject, the doctor called OF
Brother McMullcn to close the meet,
ing with prayer.
A Young man at Holly Springs
Mississippi, recently volunteered tc
aid in taxing up the collection at ont
of the churches there, and succeeded
in raising a considerable sum. lie
approached the doo.', and was abou,
to 90 ont with his hat, full of con.
tribu'ious, on his head, when The
minister said solcmnly: "Young
man, if you leave here with that
money you'll be damned" The
young man, however, left in a hur.
ry, and, as he shut the door behind
him, worthy old bachelor, with Il
voice in + sharp, who put u dollar
in the hat, piped out to the minister
l" Well, if he amt gone with it, III
be d-d!'
a few weeks ago II baby was taken
into church to be baptized, and his
little brother was present during
the rite. On the following Sunday,
when baby was undergoing his alb
luton and dressing, the little brother
asked mamma if she intcntcd to car
~ Willie TO be christcned?