The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1871-10-26
Josh Billings Under Oath

Josh Billings being duly sworn, testi-
fys az follers:
Eight won't 60 into and hav much ov
ennything left over. Menny yung fell
low haz found out this sum in arithme-
ticks by trieing tew git a number s foot
into a number 6 boot
Yirteu. In one respekt is ike MUMMY
| That which we hav teW work the hardest
for, sticks tew US the best.
| hay often heard thare waz men who
knew more than they could tell, but i
never met one. | hay often met thoze
who could tell CRATE deal more than
they did kno, and waz willing tew sware
tew it besides.
Hope haz made crate menny blum
ders, but thare il one thing about her
that alwus did like-she means we'll.
Sum people are good, simply becauze
they are tew lazy to be wicked. and 9th
ers, becauze they han't got a good
chance. --
Thare IL one thing that / am not only
certain, but proud ov-thare IL more
people in this world who have changed
from bad to good, than from good to
bad.
In mummy, interest phollows the prin-
cipal, in morals, principal often phollows
the interest.
Yu will notis one thing-the devil sell
dun offers tew go into partnership with
bizzy man, but you will often see him
offer tew jine the lazy man, and furnish
all the kapital.
[ don't kno, after all. but it IL jist
about az we'll tew git ahuv yure bizzness
as it IL tew hav yure bizzness git above
yu.
I'm time of peace prepare for war;"
This il the way sum familys liv all the
time.
Whenever yu hear a man who alwus
wants tew bet hiz bottom dollar, yu can
make up yure mind that that is the size
of biz pile.
The devil is the only indi vidual on re-
kord who IL sed not to possess a single
virtew.
Thare IL nothing that man will git
so sick ov as tew much molassis.
The vices which a man kontrackts in
his youth, however mulch he may shake
them oph, will often call on him thrue
life, and seek tew renew hiz acquain-
lance.
Every man haz hiz phollys, but thare
IL this difference-in the poor man they
look like crimes, while in the rich man
they only appear tew be exsentricitys
Old age increases US in wisdom, and
also in rumatism.
l kno lots ov pholks who are plus be-
kause they was born SO. They kant tell
when they got religion, and. if they
shouln loze It, they wouldn't kno it.
We never outgro our pholys-we only
alter them. Thare IL this difference be-
tween charity and gfft-charity Gums
from the heart; gift from the pocket.
Coquets are generally too silly to be
very wicked.
Thare IL full az menny pEolks in this
world who hav been ruined bi kindness
az thare IL who hav bin injured bi kruel
ty.
The man who IL wicked enuff tew be
dreaded IL a safer man in community
than the one who IL just virteHous enuff
not to be suspekted
Flattery IL the wust kind Of Icing.
Hypockrasy IL alwus humble.
Gravity don't prove ennytbing. IF a
man IL really wize, he don't need it,
and if he amt wize, he should not hav
it.
It IL jlst az natral tew be born poor az
it IL tew be born naked, and it IL no more
disgrace.
Thare IL 20 excuse whatever for the
insolence ov wealth; thare may possibl y
be for the insolence ov poverty.
.Lazyness IL the fust law of natur; self
preservashun il the second.
Ya1kant konvert sinners hi preaching
the gospel TO them at half price. Emmy
sinner who liz anxious tew git his religion
in that way, il satisfied with poor ar
tikle.