Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1871-03-19
BREVIrIEs AND LEVITIEs.

Slip knots Divorces.
To keep dry-Live on Goldfish.
Gone COurting-The lawyers.
The poor mans story-The garnet.
If man sleighs all day, can he be said
to kill times
What was the end of st. Stephens He
was crooked to sleep"
Advice to h-eaters-deal gently with
the herring.
The man who couldn't find his match,
went to bed in the dark.
Some fat men do not seek greatness;
it is thrust upon them.
Jones teaches bookkeeping in one
lesson of three words: 'Never lerd
them"
The cattle plague in England is said to
have originated in COwes.
Mean time-The time when ones note
falls due.
Sample of dessert in Paris-Peanuts
on the half shell.
Weston's friends kindly advise him not
to walk again until he walks the plank.
Murray's advice to travellers See Ven
ice and di-late.
Song of the daisy.-'Put me in my
little bed"
The house that Jack built-The ice
house.
The rich mans dread-A nipping
and an eager heir.
What the topper said to his mirror
You're another.
The return soldiers salute to his sweet
heart-Present arms
One of the delights of the South in the
winter-There are no bare gardens
there.
A favorite clause in sll the children's
histories-Santa Claus.
Right about facel-The prettiest face
in the world is the face of innocence.
Right about wheel! Never trust to the
"Wheel of Fortune"
Paradox-When is a man the most
down in the woIl1? When he is hard up.
A bad plan-TO have the weathercock
of church in the pulpit instead of on
the steeple.
Our infant contributor says she can exi
plain the difference between tweedle-dum
and tgeedle dunn with ee'S.
A poetica, genius describes Chicago
ladies lips as ''the glowing gateways of
pork and potatoes"
ga prudent man" says a witty French
man, sis like a pin: his head prevents
him from going too far.
A musician, in giving notice of an in
tended concert at Cleveland, o., an
nounced: ga variety of other songs
may be expected, too tedious to men
ton"
1t is not strange that eggs are high, it
costs so much to keep hens. No matter
how high grain is, they frequently take
several pecks before they are satisfied.
A convention was held in Oregon lately
to devise means for elevating the Indians
of the Pacific coast. On the Eastern
whisky is found to be very
effective.
A shoemaker was fitting a customer
with a pair of boots, when the buyer OBJ
served that he had but one objection to
them, which was that the soles were
little too thick. eff that is all, " replied
the shoemaker, ''put on the boots, and
the objection viii gradually wear away"
An English constable arrested three
men, thinking they were deserters. He
said he inferred the fact from their hsv-
ing martial bearing" and when asked
''What he meant by that" replied: ''They |
were very free with their money, were
drunk, swore a great deal, and wanted
to fight"
Judge Jeffrey's, taking dislike to a |
witness who had very long beard, told |
him ''that if his conscience was as long
as his beard he had a winging one" To |
which the fellow replied: my Lord, if |
the conscience is to be measured by the /
beard, your lordship has neither the one |
nor the other"
Before a contemplated attack, when a |
regiment was laundering through the
mud in a very wild part of the country,
became scattered, and the officer |
called out 10 the men to form two deep. |
''Wby, hang it." shouted out soldier,
up to his knees in soft clay, 'I'm too
deep already"
A drawing master, worrying his pupil |
with contemptuous remarks upon his lack |
If ability, ended by saying, ''Now, sir, if |
ECU were going 10 draw me, what part of |
ne would you commence with first2"
The boy, with meaning look into tho |
masters face, answered very quie ~ |
''Your neck, SIR
Some years ago, in one of our western
courts, three men-an EngIshman, an
and Scotchmau-were found |
guilty of murder and sentenced to be |
hung. The judge told them they could |
zach choose the tree on which they would |
ike to be ''strung up" The Scotchman
chose an ash tree, and the |
Euglishman an oak tree. "Well, Pat,
what will you be hung on2" asked the
Judge. eff it place your honor, I'd rather
De hung on a gooseberry bush" "Ohl"
aid the judge, ''tbat's not big enough"
'Begorry, thin, " replied Pat frightening |
lp, '1ll wait till it grows"