The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1871-11-23
JOHN on HIS TRAVELS.

The pirate bride never felt better when
she saw her own private pirate coming in
to kiss her marble brow than | did to get
to the dock. ! would have sung the docks
ology on that dock, only was afraid of
being arrested as a One-horse Fourth of
July on bust. My voice amt much on
dulcct tones There amt half dulcet in
my whole body, and the music that swells
up from my bosom is ike unto a half a ton
of coal pouring into shect-iron coal bin.
Two aSthmatic bullfrogs on a floating cod
fish ball, singing " Hail Columbia" as
compared with me, would be as sweet As
lemon ice cream alongside Of a teakcttle
full of cold castor oil.
sLooPS IL THE PARK.
Upon my arrival in New \ Nork, the first
thing | did was to squat down on Il curb
stone and imbibc some pure smell from the
gutter. 1t did me a power of good; | was
brought up on that smell That with one
cows milk is what made me so pison heal
thy. had appeared in the sun 50 much
that Il plumber took me for an escaped
bronze statue-onc of those fellows that
look like dark green Christopher Colum-
bus suffering from the toothachc. They
are made to hold up lamps. He chased
me as far as the City Hall Park, when /
behcld wondrous phenomenon and held
up my hand. No tongue could express my
astonishment, SO l got Adams Express to
DO it for me.
l exclaimed, Wonderful, wonderful"
What is wonderful " said little red
headed cuss, who was bulling the market
selling shoe-strings short.
| said, How in the name of CONCEALED
all-spice did them sloops get into the
Park -
Them amt sloops,' says he; q them
is derricks. Them is the new Post Office.
| observed to him that | knew it was
the new Pos9 Office, and further remarked
that | didn'v know but them might be
sloops up to the Post Office to get letters
of marque.
The cuss left me to assist a couple of
boys to tie Il tin kettle to a dogs TAIL |
shouted to them, Boys, what kind of a
dog is that ?
One of them sung out, "You darned
fool, it's yallcr dog
Then | visited my house. 1t had been
shut up six weeks, and when | arrived Bill
was right in the door waiting for me-gas
Bill.
JOHN ) WONDERFUL DOG.
| had forgotten something that my dog
wished | had remembered. ] forgot to
leave hole for him to exit, and | found
him extremely dead-deader than a sardine
eaten in lS0S. lie was dreadful thin He
had shrunk like he ID been soaked SIX weeks
in alum water. don't think | ever saw a
dog-collar SO much too large for dog as
that collar was too large for that dog. His
mouth was open like he had died barking.
I saw the tail of my Maltese eat sticking
out He had swallowed her. pulled the
tail, turned the dog inside out, and | had a
dead cat. Then | pulled the dogs tail,
turned the cat inside out, and | had dead
dog. In death they were not divided |
kept rice rersGing them until | got tired.
found it moro entertaining exercise than
dumb bells-those dumb animals | have
( packed them IN peppermint to start a circus
with
! GOING TO FIRE ISLAND AFTEB HIS WATCH
| found that my brother, who is law
yer, had gone to Whitestone | thought il
queer that man should 90 TO Nhitestont
to study Blackstone. As | was lonesome
and | had heard that they put good dea
of thyme into the turkey dressing down Il
Fire Island, thought Ia run down ther,
and see if among that thyme / col,ldn
find the timepiece | lost on the Bleecke
street cars. just fifteen minutes from tn,
time the train started We passed bone
boiling establishment. / think that wa
the EXTREMIST stencil | ever smelled. 4
fellow who had just iahaled the perfume o
clover blossoms amt apt to like it much
hlSht next to me sat man looking as sat
as though he was going to attend the silve