The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1871-07-07
HUMORs OF THE BAT.

A bad marriage is like an electric
machine it makes you dance, but you
can't let go.
Spurgeon thinks some ministers
would make good marty rs-they arc
so dry, they would burn well.
a railroad conductor, being asked
why they locked the stove, replied
that it was'' to prevent the fire from
going out"
"But these hacks are dangerous.
We might get the smallpox" "
you've no cause to be afraid of my
coach, mum, for I've 'ad tho ind
wheel waccinated, and it took beau
tiful."
"Where are you going" said a
Scotch gentleman TO a tGief whom
he observed crawling through a hole
in his hedge the into his garden.
''Back again" replied the thief, as he
( hastily rctreatcd.
a deacon in Illinois objected to the
organ purchased by his church, and
when called upon TO close the serv-
ice wish prayer, said: "CdU on the
machine! If it can sing the glory of
God, 1t can pray too. SO call on the
nlGchfRe"
The Illinoisians are discussing COW
milking, some favoring the fore and
aft and others the diagonal way.
One patriarch believes that "eyeFy
man should be left free TO milk ac-
cordiEg TO the dictates of his own
conscience"
"What is the annual corn crop of
Kentucky ?" asked a foreingn tourist
of a Kentuckian. ''I can't exactly
say" replied the Kentuckian 'but
know it's enough to make all the
whisky we want, besides what is
wasted for bread"
"John. Rogers nine children and
one at the breast.
"Were but nine, as l make it" said
Harry. "There were ten, as l figure
it up" said his guest.
"Or there would not have been one
to carryw
why don't the great men of France
stir? Why do they remain motion
less and cold while our bleeding
country is ruined Z" asked an orator
in Paris, the other day. "Because
they are cast in brOnze," answered
voice in the gallery.
Josh Billings says: Most people
decline to learn only by their own
experience, and 1 guess they are
more than half right; for l dcu't
! s'pOse a man could get correct
! idea of mOlasses candy merely by
letting another feller taste it for him
A young married lady being appli.
ed to for q situation by a servant girl
she asked: "Why, did you leave
your last place ?" ''Why, you see
! ma'am," replied the girl, Il was toe
good looking, and when [ opened the
door the gentlemen always took mC
for the missis."
a Paris paper relates the follow
ing anecdOte attributed to King
William. A court sculptor, some
days after the Kings accession tt
the throne, begged the favor of build
I ing and carving his tomb. Ate
having examined the plans, Hi
engage to have it done in ten years,
said the artist. '' No hurry" :" wa
the reply. " will allow you twic'
as long"
Harper's Monthly tells Of a granC
church in Chicago, which boasts 4,
splendid organ and three-thOUsand
dollar choir, but rather dryish preach
ing, within which the following line
were found seribbled on the fly
leaf of hymn-book
"CouId cid King David but for once
To this good church repair,
And hear his Psalms thus WaTbled-
Good gracious! how he'd swearI
And could st. Paul but just pop in,
From higher scenes aDStracted
And hear the Romans thus explained
By George! he'd run distracted"
A man who was not very careful
in personal appearance tells thi
story of himself: 81 went TO the drug
store early one morning for 4 dos
of morphine for sick friend. Th
night clerk objected to giving it t.
me without the prescription, eyiden
tly fearing l meant to destroy myself
: Pshaw," said /, do l look like
man who would kill MYSELF? Glz
ing at me steadily for half a mOmen
he replied: Il don't know. Seem
to me, if l looked like you, 1 shoul'
, be greatly tempted to kill myself"
The following anecdote was give
= at The Edwards Reunion, in illustra
I ton of the observation-disclosures of tn
= great Jonathan Edwards: At on
2 time he rode after the COWS, and
5 little boy very respectfully bowe,
e AID opened the gate for him. "Whos
boy are you, my little man ?"Noa
! Clark's boy, sir" On his return wit
! ! the COWS: the same boy appears
! and opened the gate for him. Ed
wards thanked the little fellow, an
asked: "WhOse boy arc you ~ 9Th
g same mans boy l was a quarter G
g an hour ago, sir"