Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1871-03-30
Hints to COmik Lecturers.

tiply the first figure and you may be sure |
the other results will be just like the first. |
Hints to COmik Lecturers.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.
Comik lecturing il an unkommon pesky |
thing to do.
1t IL more unsarting than the rat-ketch-
ing bizzness az q means ov grace, or az a |
means ov hvelyhood.
Most ennyboddy thinks they kan do it, |
and this il fist what makes it so bother |
sum tew do.
When it il did jist enuff, it IL terifck
success, but when it IL overdid, it IL like q
burnt slapjax, very impertinent.
Thare aint but phew good judges ov
humor, and they all differ about it.
If lekturer trys to be phunny, he IL
like a hoss trying to trot backwards, pretty
apt tew trod on himself.
Humor must fall out ov a mans mouth,
like musk out ov bobalink, or like
yung bird out ov its nest, when it IL
feathered enuff tew fly.
Whenever a man haz made up hiz mind
that he il a wit, then he IL mistaken with
out remedy, but whenever the publick haz
made up their minds that he haZ got the
disease, then he haz got it sure.
Individuals never git this thing right,
the publick never git it wrong.
The publick never cheat themselfs, nor
other folks, when they weigh out glory.
Thare il just 16 ounces in a pound ov
glory, and no more, that is, by the publick
steelyards.
Humor il wit with a roosters tail feather
stuck in its cap, and wit IL wisdom in
tight harness.
No man kan be helthy phoel unless
L. L - II. rysol0
Those who fail in the comik bizzness
are them who hav bin put out to nuss, or
bin fetched up on a bottle.
If man il a genuine humorist, he IL
superior to the bulk ov hiz aujience, and
will often times hav tew take hiz pay for
hiz services in thinking so.
Altho fun il designed for the millyun,
and ethiks for the few, it IL az true az
molasses, that most all aujiences hav their
bell wethers, people who show the Others
the crack WHARF the joke comes laffing in.
hav known popular aujiences deprived
ov all plezzure, during the recital ov
comik lektur, just bekauze the right man,
or the right woman, want thare tew point
out the mellow parts.
The man who il anxious tew git before
an aujience, with what he calls comik
lektur, ought tew be put Immediately in
the stocks, so that he kant do it, for he IL
a dangerous person tew git loose, and will
do sum damage.
1t liza very pleasant bizzness tew make
people laff, but thare iz much odds whether
they laff at yu, or laff at aolat yu say.
When man laffs at yu, he duz it be-
cause it makes him feel superior to you,
but when WI please him with what yu
have uttered, he admits that yu are supe-
rior tew him.
The only reazon viii q monkey alwus
kreates sensashun whareever he goes, is
simply bekauze-he is a monkey.
Everybody feels az tho they had right
them do it jist az mule criticizes things,
by shutting up both eys and letting drive
with hiz two behind leggs.
Humor haz but phew rules tew be
judged by, and they are so delikate that
none but the most delikate kan define
them.
1t is dredful arbitrary tew ask man
tew laff who don't feel the itch ov it.
One ov the meanest things in the comik
lektring employment that a man haz to
do, il tew try and make that large class ov
hiz aUjience laff whom the Lord never in
tended should laff.
There is sum who laff az eazy and az
natral az the birds do, but most ov man
kind laff like hand organ if yu expect
, tew gil lively tune out ov it yu hav got
tew grind for it.
In delivering a comik lektur it IL goot
general rule to stop sudden, sometime be
fore yu git through This enable the au
: jience, if they hav had enuff, tew be salts
fed with what they hav had, and if they
: want emmy more, it enables them teV
!, banker for it.
l know it iz dredful tuff, when a man i;
, on one end oy stick ov molassiss handy
,, tew quit till he gifts clean through; but h
> mustn't forgit that hiz aujience may not b'
so sweet on molassiss handy az he iz.
|, hav got a very lonesum opinyun o'
the the comik lektring Dizziness, and if
waz well shut ov it, and knu how to gi
: an honest living at ennything else (excep
= = opening klams and keeping a districk
skooD, Iwould quit Tomorrow, and eithe
trade oph mi lektur for a grindstone, o
: sell it to the proprietors Ov sum inSan
! ! hospital, to quiet their pashunts with.
! ! / don't urge ennybody tew cultivate tn
= = comik lektring but if they feel phull o
something, they kant tell what, that bite:
. and makes them feel ridiklous, so tina
!, they kant even saw wood without latin
!, tew themselfs all the time, suppose the,
y y hav got the fun ailment in their bonel
u and had better let it leak out in the shap
= = ov lektur
= But advise all such persons to pitt
u themselfs, and when they lay warm jokt
:, not tew akt az hen doth when she ha
:, uttered an egg, but look sorry, and let SUI
= one else do the cackling.
IF had boy who showed emmy stron
: marks ov being a comik critter, if
. couldn't get it out ov him emmy othe
way, would jine him to the Shakers, an
make him weed onions for three year
just for fun.-Neao York Weekly.
II 1T is related of clergyman fro1
: Northern Vermont, who years ago paid
: visit to New York, and was invited to Fl
, city pulpit during the time of dog-da
! pastoral vacations; that he had never ha
. . the privilege of listening to church ol
. gan, and was totally unacquainted with th
Q fashion of hiring few vocalists to do tn
!, singing for the congregation. Giving OF
. his first hymn, the Organist played fame
prelude, and in the highest style of th
. art the choir rendered the four verse
Is Is Addressing the throne of grace in fel
u vent invocation, which stamped him as
4 man of intellect and power with his aud
- ence, he coolly reopened the hymn bool
4 4 and, turning to page, exclaimed: 9TH
audience will now join me in singing
> good old Methodist hymn, and those pc
+ sons running that bag of wind in the ga
3 lery will please not interrupt"
n The Seventh Day Baptists, to suppol
d their Tract Society during the past yea
y adopted the plan of every member of tt
g the earnings of one day to that cause I'll
q system worked 80 we'll that it will be p,
in practice again during 1871.
II |