Weekly Trinity journal., 1871-04-08
NUMBER ii.
FACT AND FANCY.
Fruit for newsmen-Fresh dates.

"The prisoner has smooth contenance."
" Yes, he was ironed before he was brought in.
That accounts for it,"
The theatre of war is closed for the present.
A peace is in preparation which we hope will
have an unprecedented run.
Terre Haute merchants whose store doors are
infested by loafers hang up sign, "Wanted-
employment for these ROSTERS"
A maiden lady in New York, living alone,
hangs an old plug hat in her hall to frighten
bnrgars by indicating male occupants.
That woman was philosopher who when she
lost her husband, said she had one great conso-
lation-she knew where he was onights
Catskill has got the LATEST man yet discov-
cred. He got up with one ear frozen because he
was too lazy to turn over on the pillow to warm
it.
1T is forty years, my old friend, john since
we were boys together" ais it2 Well, don't
speak so loud there's that young widow in the
next room"
The vigant marshal of the twenty-third dis
trict of Illinois, discovered twenty pair of twin
children in the town of Woodstock. A few
towns like that Wood stock State.
A Californian declares that the Nye spoken of
in Bret Harte's poem concerning a "heathen
Chinec, could not have been the "Nye who
went to Ncvady and got to be Senator, cause
he'd ha stole the pot afore it come to a show"
The editor of the Newark Courier was so en-
ragged at the tardy appearance there of Miss Dick
inson (she came at 81 o'clock) that he says:
We do not wonder that she fails to get mar
red since she does not know how to keep an
engagement"
"Do you propose to put Ike into a store Mrs.
Partington ?" asked friend. eyes" replied
the old lady, but l am bestiferous to know
which. Some tell me the wholesale trade Is
best, but believe the ringtail will be the most
| bene6cious to him.
A Pittsburgh (Pa.) paper of recent date con-
tains this advertisement Three young ladies
of Allegheny wish to engage three young gentle
men to take them to the lectures this winter.
Car fare and tickets furnished, and refreshments
at the homes of the ladies afterwards.
wife in San Francisco lately put in petit
ton for divorce in the court, on the ground that
her husband was "a confounded fool" The
Judge, who was old bachelor, would not
admit the plea, because he sad every man who
gets married would be liable to the same impu-
tation
Springfield lady left her little boy at homo
to amuse himself with matches when she re-
turned he met her in the street crying. He said
he only just made little fire in the bureau
drawer and a lot of red-shirted men came with
q great big teakettle and squirted water all over
the house. They saved the cellar door.
The grave--It buries every error, covers every
defect, extinguishes every resentment. From
it's peaceful bosom spring none but fond regrets
and tender recolections Who can look down
upon the grave of an enemy and not feel COM
punctive throb that he should have warred with
the poor handful of dust that lies before him?
This is about as good a journalistic joke as
we have heard for long time copy of the
Fairfield, Iowa, Ledger, by some mistake, was
sent to the Bloomfield, Iowa, Democrat with but
one side printed. The Democrat printed its edi-
ton on the other side and sent it back-Radical
Republican on one side and intense Democratic
on the other.
woman called the other day at provision
store in Salem, Mass, with her market basket,
and the knight of the cleaver politely asked her
| if she would have some nice steak. "Steak
beefsteak p was the reply. "No, lir don't
care to eat beef shall be so gil when the
cattle disease is got rid of. Pleas cut me off
three or four pounds oliver"
An old lady slightly blind, whJ engaged in
futile attempt to sew buttons on young Angus
tus new jacket, remarked: " Drat these buttonst
| can't find the holes and they split all to pieces
every time | stick the needle into EN-" To
which replied young Augustusx "Now, look
ere Granny you just let my tpormint drops
alone. You've split morn hs bf 'em already"
A countryman stopped at one of our city res
taurants for dinner. The waiter inquired what
he would have, and was told by the countryman
to " bring something of what he had" The
waiter brought him regular dinner upon small
dishes, as is the usual form, and set them
around his plate. The countryman surveyed
them carefully for a moment and then broke out:
"Well like your samples, now bring me my
dinner"
One MCGEE, prominent politician of Kansas,
was once the presiding officer of Democratic
county convention. resolution was under
consideration to which McGee was opposed, but
which was finally passed by decided majority.
The Chairman, however, was a man for an
emergency. In announcing the result, he de-
livered himself thus According to the JEFF
fersonian rule, resolution of this kind requires
a two-thrds vote, and don't think there's that
many here. The resolution is lost"