Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-07-11
Lax2lch for H9G721O2'jStS.

In Tennessee hotel keeper is called hash
mill boss.
A Cincinnati paper has an article on the
Cass family by Jack Cass.
''The Watch on the Rind"-what the little
boy was doing for his mother watermelon pre-
serves.
A man who has repeatedly tried them says
that all the short cuts to fortune are horribly
overcroWded.
''Rarer than the Phoenix, says De Quincy,
sis the virtuous man who will consent to lose a
good anecdote because it is lie"
Dispatches from various points in Colorado
are delayed by the inconvenient habit the set
tiers have of hanging horse-thieves to the tel
egraph wires.
A foot race took place at Cincinnati one day
last week, which was participated In by some
three thousand citizens. They all came out
ahead of the lunatic who was after them with
a carving knife.
An exchange says: 1T is not good taste for
young men to stay after ten O'Clock when VS.
iting young ladies'" Our devil says he never
noticed any difference in the taste after ten
o'clock. He says it's good any time
In an Ohio school celebration, the superin-
tendent announced the title of a song as Ri
ding the Elephant Home When the audi
ence found that it was write me Letter
from Home" he thought it prudent to disap-
pear.
Temperate Parent, introducing his son to the
district schoolmaster.- D, Mr.. Tompkins, sir
please sir would partic larry request you to
abstain from teaching my little Jonadeby here,
to work sums in ale or beer or spirit measures,
as he's been brought up stric' teetotaller,
and jined the Band Of Opel
The Cincinnati Commercial. in speaking Of
General Noyes as candidate for Governor in
Ohio, says: There are several things in favor
Of Gen. Noyes-in the first place, he hasn't a
wooden head and, in the second place, he has
a wooden leg, having lost a member on the
Fourth Of July, at a celebration in Georgia,
the fireworks being conducted by Gems. Sher-
man and johnson"
A Kansas billiard table is thus described -
First in the middle of the floor was large
goods box, on which was laid about wagon
load of sandstone, covered with about eight
yards of blue jeans For pockets they had old
boots, about No. 10; for cues they used old
broken oe-handles boiled eggs for balls, and
to count this lovely game they used dried ap-
pies on clothes-line."
An ''oracle" at New Orleans, discoursing on
the wonders OF the Mississippi, mentioned the
iron coffin Of De Soto, containing the golden
trumpet given him by Queen Victoria. What
exclaimed one, mot Queen Victoria ?" eye s,
sir, Queen Victoria. 'WhY she wasn't born
then by two hundred years or more 81 do
not care if she wasn't" was the bold reply, Il
reckon she could leave it in her will. "
After Susan B. Anthony lectured at Ripon,
Wis, she wanted some recreation and amuse-
ment, so she took walk on Sunday around the
graveyard there. While she was enjoying the
literature OF tombstone, she heard lot of
little boys saying, That's her, and she tho't,
such is fame" Congratulating herself that
even the children of the land knew her, she
was accosted by an urchin, who said Say,
amt you the old woman who walks up the wire
on the circus tent to morrow
Horace Mann was once seated in an omnibus
with young man who coolly took out cigar,
lit match, and put the cigar in his mouth
Mr.. Mann stopped the coach and insisted that
the young man should be elected for disobeying
the rules. He was not pacifed until the owner
of the cigar touched the indignant reformer' S
hand with the uncharred end, in proof that the
cigar had never been lighted and Mr. Manu.
10th to lose an opportunity to impress moral
truth upon Maynard youth, turned around
and lectured him severely upon the vice of de-
ception.