The herald. (Smyrna, Del.) 1870-1871, 1871-06-03
THEE DARwINIAN THEORY.
The Monkeys Hear OF it, and are Agf-
tated in COn.sequence-They Hold an
Indignation Meeting.

.
Dsrwin's theory concerning the des-
cent of man is creating a tremendous
sensation among the monkeys. They
have just heard of it, and are terribly
exercised. They repudiate the whole
theory. That man descended from them
they consider slur en- the. whole mon
key race. Nfi7 -f'ftJ
A cage of John Rsbinsou's monkeys
held an indignation meeting over the
matter the other day, after the perform
snce. A venerable chimpanzee, whose
gray hairs sentitlsd him to distinction,
was made chairman, and sitting in a
swing, presided with the utmost dignity.
He got alittls excited in his speech as
he took the chair, but this was pardona-
BILE under the circumstances. "What," !"
exclaimed the venerable baboon; 'Man
descended from US! 1 repudiate the
idea with scorn. True, we have our
faults. '- "'i rei i.fi
1--WE are accused of cutting up mon
key shines sometimes, aud not without
cause, but this attemptto make us father
the human race is altogether too much.
Is 1t not enough that poverty requires
us to travel around the country in this
manner to make livelihood; to exhibit
ourselves to gaping men, women, and
children, at SO much head, (when two
thirds Of them haven't any head at all to
speak of without having it flung in our
faces that we originated tho pack of fools
styled men 7'' i-
His remarks were received with every
expression of delight possible to mon
keys. Some stood on. their pyramidial
heads, others hung by their tails, while
others threw fliphaps from one end Of the
cage to the other. = in .. aI
A monkey who had Travelled much
and seen great deal, and who had pro
badly used the cats paw to pull more
chestnuts out of the FIRE than any other
monkey Of his age, next addressed his
fellow monkeys. a' aaa
Said he: ''This Darwin has inflicted a
disgrace upon las that no monkey Of any
self-respect will hesitate 10 resent, /
fling his base insinuations back into his
teeth GA wild chatter OF spplauss.l II
man was indeed descended from us,
what fall was there, my countrymsn
Prolonged howls Of derision.] If I had
this base slanderer of our race-this Dar-
win, who da''' soin fame by traducing US
Il would r-r rend him in pieces with
these pentadactylous hands, and whip
him to death with this prehensiIe tail r.
Immense cheering,1
The chairman interrupted the speaker
to remind bin that no puns would be
allowed. Nobody but men perpetrated
puns, and pun was altogether beneath
the dignity of any monkey who had the
least respect for himself. The speaker
promised to be more guarded in the
future, and then proceeded with his re-
marks:
"Look at the follies men perPetrsts
every day. Did you ever know a mon
key to make such fool of himself as
they dor Did you ever know monkey
to buy ticket to menagerie and go
staring around, making remarks about
better people than himself? Did mon
key ever get drunk, or talk about his
neighbors, or wear a plug hat, (unless il
was fastened on his head by destesta-
BILE ring-master) or sue for divorce, or
lace, or color his whiskers, or go into
bankruptcy, or cheat the printer, or get
elected councilman, or run bar &C.
count, or eat hash, or-or run for Con-
gress Never [Screams and schreeches
Of assent 4,il. t.
"Man descended from the monkey, in
deedl If we were descended from man
it would be sufficiently disgraceful. I
get ashamed when think there is pos
sibility of connecting link. Look at
them in political conventions. In our
most idiotio moments did we ever yel
and howl as they dor
"Look at them in Congress. A
whole menaherie on drunk could not
behave worse. And where did they get
itf They didn't get 1t from us, that is a
sure thing.
The key to their cussed nonsense is not
the monkey. IAN sdmonishing shake
Of the head from the presidsnt.l MIR. Dar-
win must seek for his ancestry elsewhere
and let the monkey alone. He might,
perhaps, trace tito the beasts OF the field
or the birds of the air, or (what is more
likely the jackass."
Tremendous applause followed his
speech. After some further remarks on
the part of the distinguished monkeys of
like tenor, the meeting passed series OF
resolutions utterly repudiating the Dar- |
winisn theory, and adjourned. Cincin-
matt Times.