davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-15

Lady-who is canvassing for choir
at the village church-"I hope, Mrs.
Giles, you will persuade your husband
to join us. am told be has a very
sonorous voice" Mrs. Giles-"A snor-
Gus voice, marmH All! you should
hear it a comm out of his nose when
he's asleep"
A dyspeptic and melancholic young
professional man once bewailed his
prospects to a friend, and said he
"didn't see how he should ever get
through the world" "Did you ever
know any one to stop on the way 2"
was the grave and consoling reply.
"Now, Ichabod," said an aged New
Hampshire matron to her son, who
was about to sail for the Black Sea-"
don't you go in swimming in that sea
you're agoing to, cause | don't want
you to come home blackamoor, if
negroes are allowed to vote"
A lady was examining an applicant
for the office of "maid of all work"
when she interrogated her as follows:
"Well, Mary, can you scour tin ware
with alarcity?" mo, ma'am," replied
Mary, 81 always scOur them with
sand"
won't you take hrlf of this poor
apple p said a pretty damsel. "No, l
thank you. | would prefer a better
half" Eliza blushed, and referred
the young man to her papa.
A Californis politician says that the
path of rectitude has been travelled so
little in that State, of late years, that
it has all run to grass.
An old lady in Maine thinks COM
pass would be the best sewing machine,
because she's heard it has needle
with thirty-two points.
The gentleman whose countenance
fell on hearing of the loss of his prop
erty, is beginning to pick q bit, and
hopes soon to put a good face on it.
Bald-headed men take joke more
easily because they are not at the
trouble Of getting it through their
hair
Waves that are harmless-The
} waves of ladies' handkerchiefs.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-15
Josh Billings on FIize.
/ hate a fiji.
A fiji has got no manners.

A fiji has got no manners.
He amt no gentleman.
He's an introoder, don't send no
kard, nor ak an introduckshun, nor
don't knox at the frunt door, and nuv-
er, nuver thinks NV takin off his
hat.
Fust you know he is in bed with
you and up yure nose-tho what he
wants thare is mystry-aDd he in
vites hisself to breakfast and sets down
in yure butter without brushin his
pants.
He helps hisself to sugar, and meat,
and merlases, and bread, and pre-
surves, enything, and don't wait for
no invitashun. He's got good APP
petite, and jist as soon eat one thing as
another.
Tain't no use to challenge him for
takin liberties he keeps up hostile
korrispondence with you, whether or
not, and shoots hisself at you like a
bullet, and he nuver misses, nuver.
He'll kiss your wife 20 times day,
and ziz ZOO, and ridicule you if you
say a word, and he'd ruther you'd slap
at him than not; he's dodger of the
dodgrinist kline. Every time you slap,
you don't slap him. but slap yourself,
and he zizzes and pints the hind leg of
skorn at you, till he aggravates you
to distrakshun.
He glories in lightin every pop on
the exact spot where you druv him
from, wich proves the intention to
tease you. Don't tell me he amt got
no mind; he knows what he is after.
He's got sense, and too much Nv it tho
he never went to skool day in his
life, Except in supe dish.
HIS a mean millignant, owdashus
premeditated cuss.
His mother nuver padded him with
slipper. His MORALS wuz neglected,
and he lacks good deal Nv humility
mitely. He amt bashful bit, and l
doubt if he bushes ofting.
Ia fact, he was never fetched up a
tall.
He was born full-grown, he don't
git old-uther things git old, but he
never gifts old-and he is imperfect
and mischievous to the the day of his
deth.
He droopz in cold weather, and you
kin mash him onto a window pain,
and you've jest put yure finger in it..
He comes agin next yeer, and heep
more with him. Tain't no use.
One fiji to family might do for
Amusement, but the good Nv so many
flize l be dogon eff l hin see, kin you ?
has thot much about fize, and l
has notist how ofting they stop in thar
deviltry to comb thar heads and
skratch thar nose with thar fourlegs,
anl gouge thar arm-pits under thar
wings, and the tops Nv thar wings with
thar legs.
AMI my kandid opinion is har, that
flize is lowry, they eeches all the time,
is miserabul, and that makes 'em bad
tempered, ard want to make uther
peepil miserabul too.
Eff that aint the fossfy of fizs, l
give up.
| Altho a fiji don't send in karG, he
always leaves one, and don't like it..
Taint pretty, if tbs round. He kant
make cross mark, only dot, and he
is always dotting where thar amt no
is. Thars no end to his periods, but
he never Gums to a full stop. Sicb
handritin is uisagreeabul.
He's an artist, but his fresco and his
and his wall paperin l don't admire.
Thars too much sameness in his pat
terms. His specs is the only specs that
don't help the eyes. You kant see
throo um and you don't want to.
l hate a fiji.
Darn fiji.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-15

A woman on the track waving her
apron violently in the air! The engi-
sees her just as he is about rounding a
curve! The train is stopped in its
swift rush toward destruction, and the
rescued passengers learn that-she
is the engineers wife, and that she
wants to remind him to bring her a
pound of butter from town and some
new socks for the baby.
A Troy paper gives the following
sad result of the lack of street
sprinkler: "Miss Smith sailed forth in
the morning with a beautiful pearl
and rose complexion. BY noon she
was brown as an Egyptian mummy
the gentle rain had cut ravines and
cutters in her cheeks, and made war
map round her mouth"
81 shall die happy" said the expir-
ing husband to the wife, who was weep
ing most dutifully by the bed side, "if
you promise me not to marry that OBJ
ject of my increasing jealousy, your
cousin John" "Make yourself quite
easy about that, l am engaged to his
brother" said the expectant window.
A wealthy gentleman who owns
country seat recently lost his wife, who
fell into river which flows through his
estate. He announced the narrow es-
cape to his friends, expecting their
congratulations. One of them, an old
bachelor, wrote as follows: 81 always
told you that river was too shallow"
"Why is it" said teacher to a scape-
grace, who had caused her much trouble
by bad conduct, "you behaved so we'll
when you first came to school, and are
so disoSedient now?" Because" said
young hopeful, looking up into the
teachers face, 81 wasn't much acqnint-
ed then"
A Chicago man presented his wife
with block of wood in token of his
admiration.-She receive it on the fore
head, and was so overcome by graft.
tude that she tainted away, The gen.
erous husband has also given S25 to
the police justice,
Some men are like cats. You may
stroke the fur the right way for years,
and hear nothing but purring but ac-
cidently tread on the tail. and all
memory of former kindness is obliter.
ated.
This world is all fleeting show
said priest to culprit ON the gal
lows. Yes was the prompt reply,
but if you have no objection I'd like
very much to see the show a little
longer
How does a pitcher of water differ
from a man throwing his wife over
bridge? One is water in the pitcher,
and the other is pitch her IN the water.
The Duke of Montpensier, a Span
ish Journal says, sis as bold as a pie
beian, vain as a noble, rich as king"
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-15
Rather Snug.

We NOW proceed to fulfill our prom
Use to bring home to the Tammany
Ring, and more particularly to Con-
molly and Mayor Hall, clear case Of
s,Cindling. That is the proper word to
describe the transaction, and is indeed
the only word, and thsrefore we have
no hesitation in using it. If Mayor
Hall and Controller Connolly object
to being branded as thieves and swim.
dlers, as we once more brand them
now, they can sue us for libel, and we
will prove our charges in a court Of
law. What is more we will prove oul
charge by means of Controller Con
nolly's oion books. 1t will not do fol
Hall to try and sneak out by saying
that he is fused to newspaper attacks
We do not attack him now on political
grounds, or in wild language-but We
call him thief because we can prove
him to be one,-N. Y. Times.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-15
Tiff Sons & Co.'s

NEW ENGINES. The undersigned have
IN for sale and will receive orders for the
above Engine. Messrs. Tiff Sons & Co.
are now sending TO this market their r.
Horse Power Engine with l4-Horse Power
Boiler peculiarly adapted to deep wells.
OFFICES at Duncan Il Chalfants, dealers
in Well Fixtures, Hardware, &c, Main St.
next door to Chase House, Pleasantville,
and at Mansion House, Titusville.
IT, X, BRETT tS SON, Agents.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-15
.Iohn X. Hallock.

A TTORNEY AT LAW aud Solicitor of
n Patents, No. 565 French street(opposite
Reed House) Eric, Pa. VIII practice in
the several State Courts and the United
States Courts. Special attention given TO
soliciting patents for Inventors infringe
monts, reissue and extension of patents
carefully attended TO. References: Hon.
James Campbell, Clarion; Hon. John s.
NcCalmont, Franklin; II. l.. d A. b.
Richmond, Meadville; w. e. Lathy. III
onesta. 81
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-15
DR.. ]. L. Acomb,

physician AND SURGEON, who has
l. had fifteen years experience in large
and successful practice, will attend all
Professional Calls. Office in his Drug and
Grocery Store, located in Tidioute, near
Tidioute House.
IN HIS STORE WILL BE FOUND
A full assortment of Medicines, Liquors
Tobacco, Cigars, Stationery, Glass, Paints,
Oils, Cutlery, and fine Groceries, all of the
best quality, and will be sold at reasonable
rates.
III. r. BURGESS, an experienced Drug
Rist from New York, has charge of the
Store. All prescriptions put up accurately.
IT,
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-15
National Hotel,

JRvINEToN, PA. w. A. Hallenback,
Proprietor. This hotel is NEW, and Is
.ow open es q first class house, situate at
ne junction of the Oil Creek & Allegheny
diver and Philadelphia & Erie Railroads,
pposite the Depot. Parties having to lay
yer trains will find this the most conven-
ent hotel in town, with frst-class accom-
nodstions and reasonable charges. II.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-15
WILLIAM CULLEN BRYANT.

GOetS, EngllSn, ScOtCn, irish ana Anlerl-
can. With an Introduction by
WILLIAM CULLEN BRYANT.
Under whose critical supervision the
volume was compiled.
The handsomest and cheapest subscrip-
tion book eXtant. over 500 pages, beauti-
fully printed, choicely illustrated, hand
somely bound. A Library of over 500
volumes in one book, whose contents, of
no ephemeral nature or interest, will never
grow old or stale. 1t can be, and will bes
read and re-read with pleasure by old and
young, as long as its leaves hold together.
"a perfect surprise. Scarcely anything
all ali a favorite, or at ali worthy of place
here, is neglected. 1t is a book for every
household. IN. Y. Mail.
1--WE know of no similar collection in
the English language which, in copious
ness and felicity of selection and arrange
ment, can at all compare with it."-N. y.
Times.
Terms liberal. Selling very rapidly.
Send for Circular and Terms 10
j. Is. FORD * CO.,
p Park Place, n. Y.
June G, 1871.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-15
Syracuse House,
Exchange Hotel,

r OVER TIDIOUTE, Pa, DIS. RAMS
IL pEEL & Son Props. This house having
been refited is now the most desirable stop
ping place in Tidioute. A good Billiard
Room attached. Ally
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-15
WANTED-AGENTS FOR
Telumphs Of Enterprise,
NV JAAfES PARTON
BY JAMES PARTON.

A New Book, 700 octave pages, we'll
illustrated, intensely interesting, and very
instruetiye. Exclusive territory given.
Our TerT3s are the most Liberal. Apply
TO us. and SEQ If thoy are not. A. s.
HALE & 90, Hartford, Conn.
iz-fw.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-15

SUBSCRIBE for the Forest Republican
= II VIII pE5j
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-15
NOTICE.

nR. J. N. BOLARD, of Tidioute, has
~ returnsd to his practice after an alb
sence of four months, spent in the Hospi-
tails of New York, where hA will attHnd
calls in his profession.
Office in Eureka Drug Store, Sd door
above the bank, Tidioute, Pa. 49tf
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-15
500 VOLUMES IN ONE.
AGENTS WANTED
FOR
The Library of Poetry and Song,

Being Choice Selections from the Best
Poets English, Scotch, Irish and Ameri-
can. With an Introduction by
The New York herald., 1871-10-08
Personal Intelligence.

Vice Admiral Rowan, OF the United States Navy,
Is registered at the New York Hotel.
General varona, OF Cuba, u quartered at the Sc.
George.
Professor d. S. Babcock, OF Connecticut Is d0mi.
cled at the Firth Avenue
Judge Samuel A. Foot, or Geneva, N. Y, b stay
ing at the Clarendon.
Governor Bowie, Of Maryland, is again at the New
York.
General ID. 8. Walker. OF Washington, yesterday
arrived at the 81. Nicholas.
General Van vleet OF the United states Army h
among the late arrivals at the Spngler.
Lieutenant Commander Reynolds, OF the United
States Navy, is at the Holman.
c. L. Kimball President or the New Jersey South
ern Railroad, is staying at the Glenham.
Judge l.anders or Washington, IS among the lato
arri vals at the Ast0r.
The New York herald., 1871-10-08

The REVOLUTION IN MExICo.-The HERALA
special telegram report from Matamoros which
appears in our columns to-day announces that
the revolutionary movement is still maintained
in some of the districts of Mexico. Juares
was duly recognized by Congress as President,
despite the efforts of his enemies in arms. The
agitation has already produced very disastrous
results to the trade Of the country. The from
tier line ports are guarded, and one of them
completely closed. Loyalism to the Cabinet
appeared to be the prevailing sentiment in tho
country at the date of our latest advices.
The New York herald., 1871-10-08

BY way of San Francisco we have an inter-
esting telegraphic news report of later date
from Japan and China. The condition or
affairs had not been materially altered in
either empire. The government of Japan
struck decisive blow against the power
Of the feudal aristocracy. The order Of
Daimios is to be abolished-that is il the
Daimios consent quietly. Perhaps they
may resist, however. and abolish the
Crown. great conflict between aristocracy
and Imperialism will come about, sooner or
later, in Japan Its consequences may revo-
lutionize the existing order of affairs in that
portion of the East.
Russia watched the progress of events.
The officers of the Gear had declared the Sa-
ghalien islands annexed TO the Russian empire
a measure which, if it is completed, will add
considerably to the naval influence of tho
Northern autocrat in that quarter of the world
The silk trade of Japan was declining fact
which may produce much commercial embar-
rassment American financial interests wers
affected unfavorably in Jeddo by the action Of
the officers of tho Tycoon. Railroad work was
progressing favorably between Yokohama and
Jeddo. Public affairs remained tranquil in
China Tien-tsn has beeu again visited by
heavy floods. The hoary East is being made
ripe gradually for the reception Of Chris
tian evangelism.
The New York herald., 1871-10-08

BY telegraph from Salt Lake City we
are informed that the Mormon capital
remained tranquil yesterday. A warrant
was issued for the arrest Of Elder Can
non, apostle and foremost aspirant for the
succession to the Office OF high priest. 1t was
executed just before our advices were for
warded. The official paper represents Elder
Cannon as being a very ''bad sort of man"
in his love and admiration for female society.
A co-laborer in the work of love and true
religion" named Lawrence was made prisoner
along with Cannon, and had been already
placed on trial under an indictment charging
him with acts of licentiousness and adultery.
These events produced very consider
able excitement in the Tabernacle dur
ing the session of the conference Of the Church.
Brigham Young was slightly invalided in
health, but expected TO preach, If convalescent,
to-day. The political circles were unmoved.
There was very heavy trade in bullion,
both gold aud silver. A large quantity Of the
precious metal was sent East. The general
monetary transactions of the week were the
heaviest ever known in Utah.
The New York herald., 1871-10-08

fussy - Tfo8t01 - novo4A~
One Of our cable dispatches Of this morning
gives us to understand that the party of
progress In Bavaria has interpellated the gov
ernment concerning its attitude on the Church
question. The government. It is said, has
promised to make an early reply It is we'll
that our readers should know what is this
party of progress. 1t is also well that they
should know what has prompted this action Of
the party. Let it be known, then, that the
Bavaran party of progress is to all intents
and purposes, an organization opposed to the
DEGREES of the late Vatican Council, and espe-
cially opposed to the dogma of infallibility.
Let this also be known, that the Vatican
decrees are contrary to the laws of the Bava-
rian constitution. No Papal decree can he
published in that State without the consent Of
the government. In spite of this known law
the Archbishop Of Munich has been daring
enough, without the consent of the govern
ment, to publish throughout his diocese the
Vatican DEGREES. On the 9th of August the
Bavarian government published manifesto
sustaining the law and condemning the conduct
OF the Archbishop. meanwhile the ArcDOlsnop
remains in power, and the State takes no fur
ther action. AT the same time D0llinger, and
Friedrich, and Hdber, and the other ''excom-
municates" retain their chairs or their parishes,
as the case may be, and the ecclesiastical
authorities, without the aid Of the State, can
not eject them. Things have therefore come
to standstilI. 1t is deadlock. The Church
and the State are divided; but neither will
push matters to an extremity. In the ciroum-
stances the party Of progress asks the govern
ment what it intends to do. The government.
or rather the Minister Of Religion and Edcca-
ton, Won Lutz, promises to answer. In
few days, therefore, we shall know whether
the Church or State will win, or, in other words,
whether there is or is not to be another Refor-
nation in Germany.
The New York herald., 1871-10-08

Among the numerous societies which of late
years have crept into existence having for
their object the suppression of the Catholic
Church appears one Of recent birth, which
aspires to prominent position among these
radical institutions. The society referred to
is that of the Alferists. 1t was born in
Rome since the occupation Of that city by the
Italian government and, it report speaks truly,
it has considerable number OF adhercnts
already. Its aims are to secure Italian unity,
free thought in religion, an alliance between
Italy and Germany, the removal Of the Pope
from Rome, the abolition of the Papacy, the
suppression of the civil rights Of the priests, the
burning of as many churches as possible, and
especially the Vatican, and many other and,
to the Alferists, no doubt laudable accom-
plishments. No Catholic can become a mem
Der, but to those of every other Church or
creed the doors Of the society are thrown
open. The work laid out by this newly-born
organization is sufficiently revolutionary to
attract the rebellious elements of the penin-
sula. II will, we presume flourish for time
and then give way to some other organization
equally absurd, and, II possible, still more
Incorporate, revolutionary and incendiary.
The New York herald., 1871-10-08
TRIPLE SHEET
CONTENTS or TO-DAY,S HERALD.

PAGE. >--
l-Advertisemcnts.
9-Advertisements.
S-4uniclpai Complications: Important Action of
me Deputy Comptroller; Abolition OF All Sine
cures-The Taxes-Keyser Rises 10 Explan
Hus Pretended Confession u FalsehOod-The
Iammany Frauds: The Case OF James II. In
sersoii In the Superior Court-The Coming
SensatiOn-Murphy's MedItatlons: An Honest
Omcia, Who Knows How 1t Is Hlmsclf-Obitu-
ary-The Courts-NOrth Carolina Ku Klux-
Notes e
4-Releious Intelligence: The Religious Pro-
Hamme for To-day; Forty-fourth Street syna-
c0pai Convention: Important Report by the
house OF Bishops on the Uniformity OF
Mtual-Murder and Suicide: A Saloon Keeper
Kills HIS Wife and Tnen Hangs Himself-The
Russian Minister: Catacazy isises 10 Explain
financial aud Commercial
6.finanCtal and Commercial continued from
Fourth Page)-Naval Intelllgence-The Grand
Duke Alexis: Preparations for His Reception
0y the American Men-Of- w War-BetrOthed
Marriages, Birth and Dea,ns-Advertlse-
Bavaria, Sweden and AIgeria-irhe Cholera IN
Eur0pe-lEteresting from MexicO-The West
Indies s-Tenezuela- Affairs IN China and
apan--Australasia-The Argentine Repub-
gr2ins-News from Washington-LOcal Intel
isgence-Busness Notices.
0-Adverusements.
3-Adverti6ements.
0-EditoraIs Leading Article, .'rhe Committee
OF seventy and Mr.. keyser-A singular Misre-
presentation n-Pers0nal Integence-We
RepOrt-The NEW YORK HERALD in Jersey
Amusement Announcements.
lo-Jeromc Park Races Opening Day OF the Au-
tumn Meeting Fine Attendance, Elegant Tol-
lets and Six Capital Races-Shipping Intelli-
gence-Advertisements.
11-Advertisements.
1Q-AdvortisementS.
The New York herald., 1871-10-08

WASHINGTON. Oct 7-7P. M. J
synopsis Ior the Past T,oeftv-f0ur Hours.
The area OF high barometer, which on Friday al
ternoon extended from the upper Lakes to Texas,
has spread slowly sOutheastward, and Is now CEN
tral between the Ohio River and the Blue Ridge.
Pressure has risen along the Atlantic, with clear
and hazy weather the Southern and Middle Statcs
RAIN continued on the East Atlantic during
the night, but Is now followed BY partially
cloudy and clearing weather. fne areas or
low barometer In Canada and on the South As
iantc coast have moved northeastward beyond our
stations. The temperature has been quite low
north OF Tennessee aud Virginia, but is now rising
The low barometer in the extreme northwest has
advanced slowly southeastward. with southwest
erly winds and rising temperature from MISSOURI -
Probabilities.
Clear sud pleasant weather IS probable for SUM-
day from Michigan to Texas, and eastward TO tho
Arlantlc falling barometer. rising temperature and
increasing cioudiness with s0uthwesterly wtndss
north OF Kansas and Indiana; smoky haze wA
probably commune to be general from the Lakes
southeastward.
The New York herald., 1871-10-08

MINISTER CATAoAzY speaks his mind pretty
freely elsewhere in our columns concerning
the many rumors about his unpleasantness
with Secretary Fish. 1t is deplorable that
there should be any occasion for such blunt
language on the part Of the accomplished rep
resentatve of Russia. We think Mr.. Fish, or
whoever else inspired the highly favored ds-
recently, might well have postponed them un-
til after the reception and departure of the
Grand Duke Alexis. Whatever peccadilloes
Catacazy may have committed, surely our
Premier could have screened them from the
public for few weeks. We hope there will
be no more Of this tempest in teapot until
our young Russian Prince makes his adieu.
The New York herald., 1871-10-08

THE SUCCESS Of the Union and Central
Pacific railroads has stimulated the energies
Of the slow going Canadians to similar under
takings. II is reported that an eminent Eng
lish firm has offered to build the Northern
Colonization Railway, which is intended to be
made the eastern extension Of the Canada
Pacific Railway on the basis Of two million
five hundred thousand dollars municipal sub
scriptions and land grant by the colonial
government
The New York herald., 1871-10-08

mitted inside bis once, and hence 1t l. due to
the people that he should be placed in position
to prove his innocence q to suffer II guilty.
His examination before q court is the only real
and practical method Of getting at the truth
in regard to this vile muddle OF corruption
and plunder, and every hour the committee
delays his arraigumsnt 1t defers by SO long
the justice demanded by the people. We re-
peat, let the committee do its duty, or 60
about its business.