The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1871-07-08
WIT AND WISDOM.

VIII AND WISDOM.
A rich upstart asked a poor person ifbe
had any idea Of the advantages arising from
riches. Z" / believe they give a rogue an
advantage over an honest man." was the
answer.
A MAN 10 Yorkshire, where q collection
was being made to aid the heather, pOcketed
all the money 10 the plate. When asked
to explain bis conduct, be replied, that be
was the greatest heather ID that part Of The
country.
For a specimen Of logical cOnsecution Of
ideas we venture to commend this, FROM o
schoolboy's composition Tobacco was
invented by man named Walter Raeigh
When the people first saw him smoking
they thought be was a steamboat, and, a.
they bad never seen a steamboat, they we're
frightened
A RICH man in Brattleboro' was ap-
piled to for a contribution 10 building an
iron fence round the cemetery 10 that town.
But be declined on the rather irreverent
but witty plea that "tbe cemetery does not
need any fence, as those inside cannot get
out, and those who are out do not want ~
get in"
A NGGER servant sweeping out bache-
lor's room, found a sixpence on the carpet,
which be carried TO Bis master. "You may
keep it for your honesty" said he. "A short
time after, be missed bis pencil-case, and
inquired Of his servant if be had seen il.
Yes, massa." "And what did you do with
it?' " Keep it for i'm honesty, massa "
replied SambO, exhibiting his worries His
master exploded.
{" That seat is engaged" said a pretty
young maid, as | entered carriage one
day. To whom 2" GA young gentleman"
pouting she said 60 Then where is bis bag
gage, | pray n Her ruby lips opened like
rosebuds in spring, her face in deep blush
es was dyed, as mutterng Grossly, " You
hateful old thing why am his baggage"
she cried.
Coon FARMER.-" Sambo, is your massa
a good farmer "
"Ob, yes, massa fuss-rate farmer-he
make two crops in one year"
How is that, Samto n
"hny, you see, he sells all bis bay in
de fall, and make money once den in the
spring be sell the hides Of all cattle that
die for want Of de hay, and make money
twice. OATS two crops, massa"
AN editor dowr east thus speaks of
contemporary d" lie is too lazy 10 earn
a meal, and too lazy to enjoy one. He was
never generous but once, and that was
when be gave the itch to bis apprentice
So much for the goodness Of bis heart OF
his industry, the public may better judge
when we state that the only day be ever
worked was the day he mistook caster oil
for honey"
"LANs1N0, Michigan" writes a West
ern correspondent, ''Is d very healthy
place for the ague. Il comes creeping up
a fellows back like ton Of wild cats
goes crawling through hs joints like iron
spikes; and is followed by fever which
prohibits the patient iIom thinking ~ any
thing but the Independent Order of Good
Templars. II isn't the every other day
kind, " but gets up with a man al daylight,
and sleeps III the small Of hi, back alI night.
Ills teeth feel about six inches too long,
his joints wObble like a loose wagon
wheel.
" OLD Trottcr" is an eccentric genius
who drives the first stage out Of Fort
Keurney westward, aud whose deeds and
sayings will, ID future time, become histo-
rlcal. The following is related OF him;
One DAY BY stopped q zan On the rode
who drove a miserable team Of sick and
aged little mules, aud with the ejaculation,
Look here, pilgrim; know a man that
would give c,gut hundred dollars u be
could see them mules Why exclaimed
the man, startled by such an unexpected
prospect Of luck, yeou daon't FAY 50.
WHO is be- 'Hes a hind num-, said
Trotter; g'Iang.' "
Jouy Boyer, the halfhreed, who was
hung a sCus, eung tie other day, possess
I'D all The brarery Of the Indian and all
tue pcty of thc white man. His farewell
speech, as he stood upon the galows, was
as IUtlUN -lG llD r'iAaN1 bIt DEaNe.
You feel ny lcg, h. no shake my hard
be 20 tremble nceder. Me damd good
ran"
The other day in New York a sharp
looking little fellow said to bis teacher, very
abruptly, " Teacher, | amt coming 10
school any more" Not coming to school
any more; why, what's the matter; don't
you like your teacher - "Oh, jimini
don't / you BET. But lin going back
to the theatre" ''Back to the theatre?"
I" Why, ye-, ! act, does" " You act
where = Yes, I've been on the stage
lots. am an Old hand at ii. | was an
angel up to the Black Crook and bullfrog
down 10 the White Fawn, and I tell YOU
what it i, teacher, I'd heap site rather
1. Iv,IlTrov thar - nuwoI - n.