Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-10-05
Humorous Readings.

Meet for epentance-tough beef.
Change for sovereign--a republic.
A wooden man-an alder-mar
Are all not hunters that blow the horn?
Cats, like quscks, mew-fill-late.
A good tonic for sebilitsted young la
dies-iron. A better tonic-ironing.
4 hypocrite is one that neither is what
he seems. nor seams what he r.
A model for bust-almost any patent
boiler model
The best household receipts-,he re-
ceipts on your bills.
When is lawyer strongest? When be
is fee-bles,.
What grows bigger the more you con-
tract it ? Debt.
Advice to lovers-When you cannot
catch the last at night, take "buss"
instead.
Beer fills many bottle, and the bottle
many a bier.
A volume that will bring tsars to your
yes-A volume of smoke.
Great souls have 1oj,s feeble ones have
only wishes.
Counter irritsnts-Peopie who examine
the whole stock and buy nothing,
Who pays the highest price for
home The woman who marries for one.
The light of match will frighten
wolf away, it Is said. But loye-mAtcbes
don't always keep the wolf from the
door.
What would this world be without
women d perfect blank-like q sheet of
paper, not even ruled.
Dogs beat den,i.ts They insert ngtuF
al teeth.
Matchless misery-A segar with noth=
ing to light it.
A new version of an old verse; 'athe
the poor Indian
How to make hot-bed-Go to sleep
with lighted cigar in your mouth.
Why is the Louise tartan certain to
wash well! Because it is intended for
the lorne-dress. ....-...
"Wby are young ladies so partial to
sunset and twilight. Became they arc
daughters of Eve.
Why is it vulgar to use wooden plat
ter for the Loaf? ? Why, of course, because
it is so underbred.
81 don't know, Willie; don't krnw
where the stars csme from" well, you
bet do. The moon laid EN-"
If you with a very religious man to go
to sleep, by what imperial name should
you address him? Nap-holy-un.
4 learned man has ssid that the three
hardest words TO pronounce in the Eng
lish language are, 81 was mistaken
A Hungarian proverb: The man who
on his wedding day starts as lieutenant
in the family will never get promoted.
A Boston undertaken boasts that be has
the best bearse in New England, and "de-
fes anbody that ever rode in it to Say TO
the contrary"
| A modern thinker says many people
will be astonished when they get TO besv-
en-, to find the angels laying no schemes
to be made archsngels.
There are some newspsper verses be-
ginning: Last night L drew from off
my sleeve little golden hair" Lucky
for you that your wife didn't find it be-
fore you did.
A rea,on a pbilanthropist gives for
s'spariDg the noble red man." is that we
should lose the pless ATTEST part of our
years, if we hadn't the "IRdian somserr.
(summers)
A man who was driving COW through
the streets of Waupun, Wis, was so much
fustered by sudden bow from lady
that, in return, he made bow 10 the COW
and threw stone at the lady.
"Neighbor Twist you told me when /
paid Tom Doolittle in advance, on bis
promising 10 work for me in baying time.
that / should find him as good as his
acord' That's trne-for / always knew
bis soord scas good far nothing"
At Null messenger having requested
a London clergy man to announce that .'if
Dr. Leach wss among his audience be was
urgently wanted" the clergyman added
from sympathy. "sDd may God have mer-
cy on the poor patient!
| New Orleans is reconstructed. Here IL
what they sing at public school examina-
tions in that city 10 the tune Of Yankee
Doodle. visitors and all joining in the
chorus:
II anything on earth can make
| A great aid glorious nation,
| 1t Is 10 give the iItte ones
/ A Thorough education.
CHoRUs-Five times i've are twenty-five,
| Five times six are thirty.
Rsvaf trnaa fr-Hy