Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-11-04
Facts and Esamcics.

A chop Tor Dreakfast-liasn.
Galley slaves-printers' devils
The raw Observation-Disclosures steak.
Pleasant checks in life - Bank
checks.
Doing heavy bus;ness-The iron
dealers.
To make hot bed-Set the mattress
on fire.
A chandler having had some cam
dies stolen, person bade him be OF
good cheer, ''for in a short tine" said
he, "they will all come to light"
The Alexandria Post tells of case
wherein farmer claims to have lost
favorite dog, which killed himself
barking at reaper agents.
Tommy, what does hair spell ?
"Dunno sir" " Why you numbskull,
what have you got on your head ?" 81
dunno, sir, but | think it bees fea."
A wise gentleman, wao knew all
about, on retiring from business gave
the following sage advice to his son and
successor: Common " sense, my son.
is valuable in all kinds Of business except
love making"
+" Sonny, does your father take a
newspaper 2" Yes sir two of 'em.
One of them belongs to Mr.. Smith
and the other to Mr. Thompson, |
hooks 'em both off the stoop as reglar
as can be.
Never attempt to do anything that
is not right just as sure as you do
you will get into trouble. If you sus>
pect that anything is wrong do it not
until YOU are sure your uspicions are
groundless.
4 lady in Halifax county, Vermont,
who year before last. was the mother
Of three boys at time, none of them
living, was week before last the mother
of four boy babies. all hearty and kick
ing.
The man who shot and killed a boy
in his melon patch, when called to ac-
count for the deed, said he did it in
mercy to the boy, who otherwise might
have died painful death from cholera
morbus.
A "citizen" standing near some
scales at Rutland, the other day, asked
colored individual, Can a nigger
weigh hogs 2" To which the colored
man re Glied " Put yourself on dem
scales and see if he can't
A Jew was observed looking intenty
at q prodigious fine ham, What
are you saying to that ham, Mr.. Ja-
cobs 2" al was saying to it: Thou
almost persuadest me to be Chris
tian."
A southern editor, evidently hem
pecked man, says that 8 if in our
school days the ''rulc Of three" is pro-
verbally trying, how much harder in
after life, do we feel the rule of one."
An old sailor finding corked bottle
floating on the sea opened it, with the /
following soliloquy Rum, hope /;
gin, think; tracts, by jingo.' and
then he threw them back into the
water
A man looking into a blacksmith
shop observed the smith quite busy
and several horses waiting to be shod
aud very poor and lean. Il say boss,
do you make horses here ?" Make
horses No. Why z" "Oh | noticed
several frames set up around you, that
is all.
IL don't miss my church as much
as you suppose" said u lady to her min
lister, who had called upon her during
her illness ''for | make Bctsey sit at
the window as soon as the bell begins
to chime, and tell me who are going to
church aud whether they have on any.
thing new.
A poor Irishmau offered an old sauce
pan for sale His children gathered
around him and inquired why he part
ed with it. Och me honeys," aswcred
he. g | wouldn't be after parting with
it, but for little money to buy some>
thing to put in it.
An intoxicated man saw two cars
passing him the other evening, with
red and blue lights in the front and
rear. His fuddled brain comprehended
the colored lights, and he was heard to
say to himself, "Must be pretty sick
sickly here they are running drug
stores around on whe wheels
A Yankee in Texas, who sat listening
to stories of Louisanian in regard to
the marvellous growth Of sugar cane
on his plantation, near New Orleans,
finally said: That amt nothing. I've