Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-05-26
EHllaalOY.

EHUaMOT.
Knavery is the worst trade.
Boosters are cousins to liars.
Modesty is guard to virtue.
Fee-simple-a quack-doctor pay.
The gardeners motto-lettuce plant.
You never lose by doing good turn.
A settled thing "a good cup of coffee
A pretender to the CROWN chignon.
A time to run-when you are in bur-
ry.
Tradesmen often get their living BY va
rious weig
Experience is torch lighted in the ashes
Of our illusions
c.nital MISUNDERSTANDING kissed to death
by pretty girl
time not to run-when you are sure
YOU cannot be elected.
A young man with p lump sweetheart
may call her lump-sugar
Time is money; Of course it is, or now
could you spend an EVENING"
A CARPENTER is seldom as handsome as
his wife, because he is generally DEAL
planer.
A man with scolding wife says, that ne
has less fear of the jaws of death than OF
the jaws OF life.
A Detroit druggist announces tonic,
which he says will enable it's taker to eat
an elephant.
To cure toothache, you should hold GER
tain root in the hand the root OF the tooth,
you know.
A conclusive argument against suicides
is, that it is the height Of impoliteness to 60
anywhere until you are sent for.
What is the difference between farmer
and bottle of whiskey? One husbands the
corn, and the other corns the husband.
No man in the nation is more indebted
to the people than am, said an otice-hold'
er. Indeed, sir; how much OF their money
have you taken?'
A Bosten paper records five elopementss
in one day It adds, Go it, girls, you'll
have something to keep you at home by-and-
by
Thew say there are no eggs in San Do
. mingo. They have thrown off the yoke,
banished the whites and can't be made to
she'll out.
What is the reason your wife and you al
WAYS disagree?' asked one lrishman Of an
other Because we are both Of one nina;
she wants to be master, and SO do L.
An attorney observed to a brother in
court that he thought whiskers very unpro
fessional. you are right replied his friend,
"a lawyer cannot be too barefaced.
We read Of girl who was lately choked
to death by her lovers encircling arms
This is warning to ladies to keep their al
abaster necks out of (h)arms way.
A gentleman of experience has discovered
one good thing in sea voyaging., tie says:
you can get as tight as you please every
day, and every body will think you are sea
sick
Kansas City reports lady as passing
along the main street of that town, compo-
sedly putting cigar, while her husband,
meek looking parsonage. walked behind,
carrying the baby.
It is the idea of minister down in Geor-
sia at the conclusion of marriage ceremo-
nv. to use in his prayer for the bridal cou-
Me the sentence: Suffer little children to
come unto them -...
The following announcement lately ap-
peared in country paper: Edward Eden,
PAINTER, is requisite ed to communicate with
his brother, when he will hear something to
his adyantage-his wife is dead
Here's a marriage for you: "Married-
AT Flinstone, by the Rev Mr.. Windstone,
Mr.. Nehemiah Sandstone, and Miss Will
helmina Milestone, both Of Limestone
I.ool, ont for birthstone and little whetstones
next.
An exchange says the people are want
ing in confidence in the honesty of the Ad-
ministration Yes, but the people are not
to blame for wanting the confidence. 1t is
the Administration that is to blame for
wanting the honesty.
Miss, will you take my arm p asked an
old bachelor La, yes, and you too said
the young lady. Can only spare my arm,
Miss hastily replied the bachelor. Then
said Miss, L can't take it, as my motto is to
20 the whole hog, or none at ALL
A lady promised to give her maid 1926 as
marriage portion. The girl got married
to man of low stature, and her mistress,
on seeing him, was surprised, and said -
We'll Mary, what little husband you have
gotp La exclaimed the girl, what could
you expect for S25?
The other day, while teacher was hear
ing boy recite his lesson, the following
passage occurred: The wages of sin is
death The teacher wishing to get the
word wages out by deduction, Asked
What does your father get every Saturday
nightYH The boy answered promptly: He
gets drunk RgGLF
Little six year old George; having been
instructed by his aunt Katie to pray for his
mana and heinz ona avanino ipterrunted in