davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01

SCENE IN CouRT. 1t is natural for man
to indulge an appetite that affords him pleas
ure. So frequently in many cases has this
been done, that what at first was innocent,
by constant indulgence becomes vice. 1t
has been so with Patrick O'Reardon, and he
now puts in an appearance before the Record
er on the charge of habitual drunkenness.
"You will persist in drinking, Pat" said
the magistrate.
"Faith, you may well say that; Id get
thirsty if didn't"
"Then you don't drink when you are
thirsty, only in fear that you may become
so"
eyes, sir"
"And you think whisky is better than
water?"
It's stronger, sir.
But do you think it's as good ?
"Oh, yes, sir, because you can mix them
and the whisky kills the impurities in the
water"
"But what kills the impurities in the
whisky ?" asked the court.
"Nothin' at all-it does all the KILN it.
self, he replied triumphantly, and looked
very much as if he had established a propo-
sition that admitted of no doubt.
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01

c ii Z L X .

Upon the worlds vast battlefield,
Amid its war and strife,
Where men their weapons bravely WELD
To gain the prize of life,
If any fail-and some do fail
To win the goal they seek,
Be sure it is for the towards pale
And not the man with "cheek."
II there's place needs to be filled,
OF all the men that seek,
'Tis surely won, however skilled,
BY him who has the "cheek."
He gains the place, and none may fear
His fitness will be small;
Deficiencies will ne er appear,
For cheek conoeals them I'll.
The ladies-bless their gentle hearts!
{: For him have special smiles;
And though by him they suffer smarts,
He all their fears beguiles.
They though he was so very good,
And then at times so meek;
1t seems they never understood,
He did it all by CHECK.
The man of cheek--he is the chap
Whose praises now ] sing;
Though he may hit your head rap,
You think it is quite "the thing"
Let others praise the modest man,
Whose soul is mild and meek;
But shall ever lead the van,
That huds the man of "cheek.
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01

TRYING TO Sw1NDLE CoNDucToR.-
While the train on the Chicago, Rock Is
land & Pacific Railroad was approaching
this city few days ago, and the conductor
was busy taking up tickets, he heard q
voice behind him exciaim:
"Jim's hid under the buffalo till the con-
ductor has gone out!
Looking around he saw a large buffalo
robe near the stove, thrown over what ap-
pearcd from the small part exposed to be q
burlap bag of clothes or backwoodsman'
traps.
so, hop thought he to himself-'Ji i'm 4
concluded to remain secreted in the bag, has
he, till the conductors gone out; well, the
conductor hasn't gone out yet, and wen'i
till somebody has paid for Jim's fare.
So saving, he walked csrelessly up to the
stove and threw himself carelessly down or
the robe, f ON under which there rose q
mingled cry of suffocaton and pain, heart
rending enough to startle all the passengers.
Somewhat proud of his success in detect
ng the cheat, and yet mortified at so severe
" hurting the concealed urchin, the conduct
or exclaimed:
'Who OWLS this buffalo robe {?
4 do, quickly replied an Iowa City mcr-
chant.
who owns this bag?'
4 do, grufly exclaimed an honest look
ing old farmer.
'What does it contain?
4 don't know as that is any of your busi-
ness, said the Aer.
Let me out or I'll smother, came a faint
voice from the bag.
'Ah, ha exclaimed the conductor, 'and
so YOU expected to swindle the railroad com
pany out your sons fare, did you, by
crowding him into this burlap? That's nice
conduct for as respectable looking farmer
as YOU are, amt it? A man stands a pool
chance that undertakes to play the swndler
with Inep
LET me out or ! shall smother, screamed
the boy in the bag,
Gentlemen exclaimed the conductor to
the excited passengers, 1 have detected a
man-in little game of economy-not to
draw too fine a point on the thing which
can't be played on this road. TO save hall
fare on little boy twelve or fourteen years
of age he has crowded him into this old bag,
and
Its a lie it's lie! shouted the farmer.
Let me out LET me outn screamed the
boy.
With one cut and slash of his .jack-knife
the conductor severed the end of the bag,
and out rolled peck of turnips, a calls head
an old pair of boots-and the bag was empty.
For moment superstitious awe perva-
ded the crowd, and the conductor began to
pinch himself to see whether he was dream
ing or bewitched when Charley Forbes step
ped up and whispered in his ear
Its only a joke of Martino, the Ventrilo-
quist.
The conductor gasped for breath, and re-
Piled, IF you'll keep this secret III give you
hundred dollars.
But the joke leaked out, and there it is
Muscdtine Journal.
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01
LAW OF NEWSPAPERS.

/. Subscribers who do not give express notice
10 tho contrary, are considered as wishing to
continue their subscription.
2. If subscribers wish their papers dscontin,
ued publishers may continue to senu them un'll
all charges are paid.
3. If Subscribers neglect or refuse to take their
saper, from the office or place to which the are
sent they are held responsible until they settle
their bills and give due notice to discontinue.
4. IL subscribers move to other places without
informing the publisher, and the paper is sent to
the former direction, they are held respohs,oie'
E,t;c. should always be given of the removal.
:, The Courts have decided, that refusing to
take a paper from the Office, or removing and
leaving It uncaled for, is prima facie evidence
of Intentional fraud.
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01
Sale Of Town Lots.

NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN THAT ON
~ MONDAY, the Goth day of March, A. d.
1871, at 10 o'clock in front of Webster's Hotel,
ut the town of Colfax, in Placer county Califor-
mia. ! will sell at public auction to the highest
bidder for cash. all the vacant Lots of land be-
longing to and within the town site Of said town
of Colfax, said several lots, being marked and
designated on the official plat of said town as
follows: Block l.
Lot l, Block q Lot /, block g. Lot 2, block 3;
Lot |, 2, 3, A. and in block A. Lot |. block D
Lot A. block 5; Lot /, block G; Lot 4, 5, &, Z, 8,
and in block 13; Lot l. 2, 8 4, and in block
II. u. W. SPEAR,
County Judge and Trustee for Colfay Townsite.
Auburn, Feb. 2Ist 1S71.--3w.
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01
OFFICIAL ADVERTISING.

The following rates, AS FIXED BY LAW, Will De
charged for all legal advertisements and notices.
For the first insertion, one dollar and nifty
cents per square of two hundred and fifty ems
and one dollar per square for each additional IN
serton, up to four, and thirty-hVe cents per
rsy- All LEGAL advertisements must be plainly
written. and the number of insertions must al
w.ys be marked on the margin Of each adver,
tisement, or they will be continued and charged
accordingly. The publisher will not be respon-
able for faulty or Illegal manuscript.
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01

DoCKED HIM FOR LOST TINE. mark
Twain in his humorous lectures on the
Sandwich Islands, tells the following little
story in illustration of meanness:
A company in Lower California had
man at work drilling and blasting rocks
He had drilled hole about four feet deep,
and was tamping it down with an iron ban
about nine feet long, when Premature ex-
posion took place. Up went the man, still
grasping the iron bar, till he looked no larger
than boy; up, till he looked no larger than
a doll; still upward and he looked no larger
than bee; higher yet and he was out Of
sight. Presently he reapreared, apparently
the size of bee; he continued to descend
till he looked as large as a doll; nearer he
came and looked the size of boy; down,
down, till, strange to relate, he struck the
very tracks he stood in before, and resumed
his tamping as if nothing had happened. You
wouldn't believe it, it was so mean, but that
man wasn't gone over fifteen minutes, yet the
company docked him for lost time
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01
Outwitting a Burglar.

The following truthful incident, from re-
miniscence concerning a series of murders
committed many years since in France, de-
velopes rare instance of presence of mind
in women. The murderer was known by
the fact that in some brawl or scene of mur-
der he had lost three fingers from one Of his
hands
There lived on the outskirts Of Dieppe a
widow lady by the name of Beaumaurice.
She had no family, but with one servant
girl lived in very retired manner. The cot
tage in which she resided was situated about
half mile from the city, a little way of the
public road.
Madame Beaumaurice had been the wife of
an officer of the guards She was an extra
ordinary woman in every particular; but es-
pecially so in respect to a certain GOODNESS of
character she possessed in the presence of
danger, which, together, with large
amount of moral courage, made her very
notable person. The recent murders made,
perhaps, less impression ch her mind than
upon any one else in Dieppe, although it was
naturally supposed the retired position in
which she lived would have caused her to be
more fearful.
About ten o'clock on the night of the
30th of April just ten days after the mur-
ders in the Rue Grenard, Madame Beau
maurice went up into her bedroom She
was suffering from nervous headache. She
felt very sleepy, and seated herself. The
lamp was placed on chest of drawers be-
hind her Opposite to her was a toilet table,
with cloth on it reaching to the hoor She
had already commenced taking of her clothes,
when, happening to look aronnd, she saw
something that for moment chilled her
blood. 1t was the shadow cf mans hand
on the floor The hand Ea1 lost three fin
gers.
She OWNED the truth in moment-the
assassin was therein her house-under the
table. She made not the least motion or
sign, but reflected two or three moments as
to the the best course to be pursued.
She OWNED what to do, and advancing to
the door, called the servant maid
ooh, Nary exclaimed she, when the
girl entered the room, do you know where
Mons Bernard lives ?"
eyes, Madame"
nave 10 pay o,uoO francs away very
early in the morning. You will have to run
to his house and get money for me.
Every well, Madame. -"
81 will write note, which you will deliv-
er to him, and he will give you bank bills for
the amount.
She wrote as follows:
Ny DEAR MONSIEUR BERNARD. The as
sassin of the Rue de Armes and the Rue
Grenard is in my house. Come Immediately
with some gems darmes, and take him before
he escapes. HELENE BEAUMAURcE.
And, without entering into any explana-
ton with her servant, she dispatched her on
her errand. She then quietly reseated her.
self and waited.
Yes she sat in the room, with that man
under her table, for a whole hour. She sat
calm, ccol and collected. She saw the shad-
ow of the hand shift several times, but the
murderer did not make any attempt to es-
cape from his place of concealment
In due time the gen d'armes arrived, and
Jacques Reynaulds was arrested-not, how
ever, without violent struggle.
need scarcely add that the most convin-
cling proof as to his guilt was found, and in
due time he was guillotined
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01
A BlasphemOus Grow.

At certain cross road in the State of Al
ALBANIA, stood small grocery or whisky shop
where "busthead" and "chain lightning"
were dealt out to the thirsty unwashed at
five cents drink or twenty-five cents a
quart. The presiding genius of this delecta-
bic institution was ore Bill Skier, who among
various pets, had domesticated crow, black
as the ace of spades. This crow had learn
ed, among other things, to repeat quite
plainly the words, damn you!" which he,
of course heard frequently in the grocery.
During the prevalence of a knock down and
drag out fight, one day, however, the crow
was frightened from home, flew off to the
woods, never to return.
About three miles from the grocery was a
settlement meeting house-an' old tumble
down affair, only used on certain occasions
when a circuit rider came that way. Into
this building went the crow, taking peacea-
BILE possession, and two days thereafter the
church was thrown open to preaching and a
large crowd assembled, among whom was a
very old lady, who was compelled to use
crutches in walking, who took her seat in
the front pew, and was soon absorbed in the
eloquence of the preacher. The reverend
gentleman had scarcely got under full head
way and commenced laundering his anathe-
mas at all grades of sinners, when hoarse
crocking voice from above uttered the omnin-
Gus words
"Damn you!'
| The preacher and congregation looked
agast at such profanity, and each peered into
his neighbor's face in vain to detect some
sign of guilt. Quiet being at length restor-
ed, however, the sermon proceeded, but ere
ten minutes elapsed the omnous damn you!
preacher cast his eyes upwards to search for
the delinquent, the crow flew down from his
perch, and, lighting upon the Bible, calmly
surveyed the terrified crowd and gave anoth
er doleful croak-
damn you!'
The effect was electrical. Giving one
startling and electrified glance at the intsud
er, the preacher sprapg from the, window,
carrying sash, glass and all with him, and
set off at a break-neck pace through the
woods, closely followed by his borrow -strick-
congregation, who had piled out of the
building pel-mell after him. In the general
scramble the old lady with the crutches had
been knocked down in the church, where
she lay unable to get up, and upon observ-
ing her the crow, who was after something
to eat, flew down beside her, and looking up
at her very knowingly, and croaked out
damn you"'
eyes, and damn you too. | had nothing
to do with getting up this Methodist meeting
and you know it..
The poor old woman had mistaken the
crow for the devil, and concluded, if possible
to Prop 'tate Ii Sat nc majesty by denying
all completely in that affair The world is
full Of just such people.
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01

The Boa Constructor j John, undo his
tall There, ladies and gentlemen, is the
wonderful boy constructor, so called because
he constructs many pleasing images with his
serpentine form. The constructor is a long
animal, as you perceive, and is very long
lived. He lives hundred years or more,
if he don't die beforehand lie is of the
worm species and worms himself along the
ground without legs. lie is capable of join
ing the largest trees, in which he is fond of
hiding himself in the leaves thereof, that he
may impose upon the benighted traveller or
other beast, whereby to satiate his hunger.
He mashes his vittals before he swallows
them and then swallows em head first.
The sea serpent is much larger. yet think
the boy constructor could lick him; for he is
full of pluck, you bet Prick him, John,
and make him hiss. When he misses he is
very angry, and cares very little what be-
comes of him. This is because he is very
weak minded, and has small head. He
has large belly and when it is full he is
good natured. He has a lovely skin, but is
very ugly tempered lie is very sulky and
lazy, and he is so spteful it is mercy he
cant talk. | have took care of this mighty
snake for three years, but he shows no graft
tude He is a glutton, and likes to stuff
himself, and then 60 to sleep. If John didn't
stir him (stir him again, JohnD, he never
would wake up except to his vittals. ! don't
know as ought to blame him, though, be-
cause nature is nature, in Boston as well as
in the rude valleys of Bengal. ] have an
uncle who has lived in Bengal, and brother
who's never been there. My uncle tells me
he has seen ten thousand boy constructors at
one time frolicing in the forests, and eating
each other up. My brother does not believe
it, but then he has never seen it. My un-
Gle may be depended upon. He was mis-
sionary once, and sold rum and sugar to the
savages. He is the only man in the world
that ever sold rum to the boy constructor.
This is the one he gave it to. He frat got
him tight and then boxed him up. The boy
will never forgive him.
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01

A SPRINGFIELD lady left her little boy at
home to amuse himself with matches; when
she returned he met her in the street crying.
He said he only just made little fire in the
bureau drawer and lot of red-shirt ID men
came with great big tea-kettle and squirt
ed water all over the house. They saved
the cellar door.
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01

AN old lady tolerably blind was engaged
in futile attempt to sew buttons on young
Gus new jacket: Old Lady-"Drat these
ere buttons. can't find the holes, and
they split all to pieces every time stick a
needle into en-" Young Augustus Now
look ere, Granny you just let my pepper
mint drops alone. You've split morn half
Of 'em already"
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01

MILWAUKEE, has peculiar case Of suffer-
ing. A few weeks ago, man, wife and
two children reached that city, intending to
make it their home, The wife had property
left her by former husband the second one
securing this and eloped with his wife's
daughter. The deserted woman and three
weeks infant were left penniless, Both are
now 10 the home Of the friendless.
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01

The editor of newspaper out towards
Lake Champlain has discovered way of
keeping eggs from spelling. His method is
to eat them while they are fresh. Bravo.
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01

AN editor in Tennessee has put the editor
ial paste pot to new use. With it he put
out the eye Of an assailant who undertook to
warm the editorial jacket. Good for the
editor
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01
DR.. r. D. HARRIS,

HAvING LOCATED IN AUBURN, OF
i l. fers his services as Physician and Surgeon
to the people of town and surrounding country,
and hopes, by strict attention to his profession
to merit and receive liberal share of patronage.
For the present he can be found, when not alb
sent on professional business, day or night at
the American Hotel. fe1l-my.
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01
NUMBER 80.
ALL SORTS.

SOME thoughts always find us young and
keep us so; such though is the love Of ma
ture..
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01
IMPORTANT NOTICE.

4 LII PERSONS INDEBTED TO THE UN-
n dersigned Dry Goods merchant in Auburn
are specially notified to make settlement with
payment alone to S. JACOBS, proprietor, as no
person is authorized to do business for him or
in his name
Debtors are Specially
requested to call and settle their bills without
dylay as the proprietor desires to make large adj
ditons to his choice STOCK OF GOODS, prep
aratory to the Spring Trade, and money is re-
qured to do this.
The Placer herald., 1871-04-01
DIR, j. r. HAMILTON,
DIR, p. BROSS,

Practicing Physician,
CoLFAx, PLACER COUNTY, CAL.
sep7-my-67
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-01-05
Williamson Springs.

We learn through our exchanges that the
Hotel at Williamson is now offered for sale.
In former days, the people Of the State were
wont to congregate at Williamson in large
numbers during the summer season, and the
curative properties of the water and the round
of festivities were fast establishing trst-class
reputation. The destructive fire in 1860 swept
away the mammoth Hotel, and for q time the
accommodations were quite meagre. But We
understand that there is ample accommodation
in the hotel building now offered for sale, and
we hope to learn that the property has passed
into the management of some one with the ca
pacity and necessary capital to re-establish its
former good name. And as prosperity returns
to the. people, nothing would conduce more to
the social benefit than q resumption of the gay
seasons at Williamson. a correspondent of
the Charleston Courier refers to the subject:
The Springs are the resort of large number
of persons during the summer, and more
pleasant place is scarcely to be found in the
State. The fact that watering place among
the mountains is for sale is exciting some at
tention among capitalists, and it is to be hoped
that the property which is offered for sale will
fall into the hands of an enterprising owner,
who can make the numerous guests that flock
there in the summer months comfortable.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-01-05

The Legislature re-assembles tonight, and
We doubt not it will enter upon long session.
We are privately assured, upon Radical at-
thority, that there are any number of schemes
on hand to filch money out of the people, not
the least of which is a pretended claim on the
part of one Colonel Pearce, which claim he
purchased at sale of the assets of some bank
ing institution for a mere nominal sum. He
alleges that that the State owes him $13O,00O
as We understand it, and he proposes to ''lobby''
this scheme through. Of course, ho is willing
to expend considerable money in enabling the
members tosee eight" and judging by the past,
We are constrained to think that there is dan
ger of his success. But We adure the Reform
members, especially the Senators, to remain
constantly at their posts, and at least to make
vigorous effort to prevent this and every other
illicit scheme. The Senate has shown toler-
ably fair disposition, and We are confident that
vigilance and attention upon the part of the
Reform Senators will not lessen the chances for
accomplishing good in the future.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-01-05
High School for Bows.

The advertisement of Mr.. w. J. Ligon in
forms the public that he has rented the entire
University buildings for the present year, and
il. prepared to accommodate any number of
boys with tuition and board at the most rea-
sonable terms. Mr.. Ligon has been engaged
in teaching for many years, and always met
with marked success here and elsewhere. He
is seompetent, faithful and untiring in the dis
charge of his duties. We are glad to note the
fact that he enlarging the sphere of his opera
tions and we think it the duty of our own peo-
pie especially to encourage and sustain this ef-
fort on his part. Persons at a distance may
confidently entrust their boys to the care of Nj.
Ligon, with the full assurance that they viii be
properly trained and disciplined in every re-
spect.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-01-05

RURAL CARoLINIAN.-The January number
of this capital monthly has been received. How
any intelligent Southern farmer can refrain from
subscribing to G magazine 80 especially devoted
to his interests, is beyond our comprehension.
Conducted both by the publishers and editors
with degree of ability heretofore unparalleled
in the annals Of our agricultural literature, it
has already given to its speciality-the devel-
opment of Southern Agriculture prominence
in the eyes of the world which has never hith-
crto been accorded it, and is thus doing our
farmers service which they can never fully
appreciate nor remunerate. This number alone
contains information many times the value of
the subscription price, and itspagcs are enriched
with the experience and teaching of the ablest
agricultural writers and planters of the country.
Each month its readers are furnished with an
amount of information which is truly astonsh-
INK. Published in Charleston by Walker,
Evans & Cogswell, and D. Wyatt Aiken, at 81
per anrum. Subscriptions received at this
Office.