Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1871-01-17
II U 81 OR US.
Josh Billings,


Don't mistake vivacity for Wit, thars IL
about AZ ~uch difference as thare il bet~een
lightning and lightning bugs.
Nature never makes any Elunders; when
she makes phOOI. she means it.
Thare IL some phOlI:s in this world who
spend their whole lives in hunting after
Righteousness, aud kant find emmy time to
praktice it.
A kicking COW never let's drive until Just a.
the pail gets phull; it is just SO With some
mems blundcrs.
Every time \ man lafFs he takes . kiuk out
Of the chain of life and thus Ieugtheus it.
Living on hope is living on wind, 4 good
way to get phull, but poor way teW git phatt
Il u human teW err, but develish to brag
on.
The man who aiu't got an enemy IL really
poor.
Advice IL like kastcr lie, easy enufF tew Civ.
but dreadful uneasy tew take.
A cheerful old man OF old woman il ike the
south side of a wood shed, in the last of winter.
Pity kOsts uOthing-and amt worth nothing.
A dog is the only thing on this earth that
luVs yOu more Than he luys himself
What men kant do they are apt to admire
they don't kriticiSe a mountain because they
kant make one
Sekrets are cussed poor property, ennyhoW;
1t yu cirkulate them. yu loose them aud ifyu
keep them yu loose the interest on tue invest
ment.
AT county court held not a hundred
miles from Lynchburg, distinguished mem.
Der OF the bar, in appealing to the court for
the discharge of his client. wound mp with the
statement that if the court sent him on for
further trial, stain would be left upon his
character that could not lie washed Of by all
the waters OF the blue ocean aud all the soap
that could be manufactured from the ponder.
Gus carcass of the commonwealth attorney"
To this the POnderOuS attorney promptly re-
piled, that while he "deemed it foreign to the
case At bar, he desired to advise the court. if
they thought it advisable to boil his body into
soap, that they should lock to the opposite
counsel for the concentrated lie out of which
to make it -
A story is told of an Irish girl who
called on an spOthecary for some castor oil, to
be mixed with something which should dis
guIse lis taste. On being asked whether she
liked sodaWater, she said yes, when the apothe-
cary gave her & lass seasoned with lemon aud
the oil. But she still fingered waiting, and
presently asked for the oil again, when he in.
formed her that che had already taken it,
20, gracious :" she cried, Il wanted it for nv
brother, who is ill.,
"A man in Sparta, Wisconsin, wishing to
present an organ TO = church, wrote to \ friend
in New York, TO know what it would cost to
get one. He received a reply that he could
geta little organ for 81 500, but "if you expect
TO get to heaven on the organ dodge, you had
better invest about $1,000" lie took the
high-Priced organ.
"A lawyer in Connecticut, not remarkable
Tor hls cleanliness of person, appeared at 4
party while ago with rose in a buttouhole.
'Where do you suppose il came from ?" said
he TO brother lawyer who was admiring it
The latter looked up and down the entire
length OF the ques'ioner, aud with great delib-
Grafton responded: "Why 1 suppose it grew
there p
u sympathize sincerely with your grief"
said French lady to recently widowed
friend. ITO lose such a husband as YOURS |
"Ah, yes he was very good aud then, You |
see, such misfortune is always great, for one |
Knows what kind Of husband she has lost,
but cannot tell what kind Of man one will
ind to succeed him."
An editor never leaves any money al
home for fear of fire, and never carries any |
with him, for fear of robbers, nor deposits it |
In bank for fear of specializing bank officers. |
- The earth is friuged and carpeted, not |
NNu AOISSIS' OuI grass Ouly nave enough OF /
little virtues and common facilities, and you |
need not mourn because you are neither a |
saint nor u hero.
- Have l not right to be sancy, If l !
please p asked young lady of an old bacle.
Tor. YES, if you please, but not if you dis
please, was the reply.
- It is said the reason why store clerks
stare so much at pretty women is because their
business requires them to "Eave an eye to
Sgures."
"A man in ireland has just obtained
divorce because his wife was in the habit of
knocking him down aud sitting on his head.
- Do not be troubled because you havc no
great virtues. God made a million spires of
grass where lac made one tree.
IF you have been tempted to evil fy
from it ; it is not falling into the water but
lying in it, that browns.
A JAVA Grandec is coming to this eouu-
try, with eighty-twO children. and desires to
secure board in some quiet family.
= TUmbstOnes are but marks on the road
% show US where the mortal and immortal
parted company
-"What is a smile - asked a man of
little girl. "Fhe whisper of n laugh" said
Ihe.
= Govern Jour thoughts when alone your
words when in company.
WANTED At SUMMIT POINT DEPOT.