Litchfield enquirer., 1871-11-23
cLlPPlmoa.

called Sissy. '
 A New York lady says the latest thing out, is-her husband.
 How the worst of men can make home happy by keeping away from it.
 Who pays the highest price for home? The woman who marries for one.
 Good news for the dogs-pork is cheap mo necessity for ''adulterating" sausage.
 In n'eariy life the boy masters his oppor- tunities. while the girl generally misses
 Figures won'tlie." Won'tthey ? Does fashionable woman's figure tell tbe truth 5.z..'-.-.. ..
 Note for oil merchants-Whale e boy, and you will find him full of blubber.
 When Mir. Taylor expressed his poetic wish to die in October, he didn't mean this year. 1
 Drinking water neither makes a man sick. nor in debt. nor his wife widow Spanish maxim. ,e f.i ~
 A good name for the son of . Mormon -.s.E. Furious Unum. ."-N0yvvich Adver- tiser. -
 A North Carolina goose has attained the venerable age of 37 years.-We've eaten them older that.
 Suicide in the Second degree" is what they call it in Kansas. when a woman hangs herself and the rope breaks.
 An Iowa woman put starch in her hus- Sn1L k~. was surprised because 1t didn't stiffen him. -
 The Pilgrims Progress" has been trans- lated into Chinese. and one of the illustra- tons represents Christian with pig. tail.
 The only man who writes ''M. O." at both ends of his name is Hon. M. 0. Kerr, Member of Congress from the Second District of Indiana. lf.s... .sI5 ..
 When Horace Greeley is asked what kind of music he prefers, he answers. ssThe song of the harvest; three beets to the measure
 Congress ought to protect Pennsylvania against the designs of artful and mercena. " men of other states.--N. '. EveninO Post. - W
 What substitute can there be for the endearments of one's sister," exclaimed Mary. "The endearments of some other fellows sister," replied John. ts
 A lady editor in Wisconsin adyertises in her own paper for husband. She says he must be [. printer and possess means sufficient to buy q new press.
 "Sir, said Dr. Johnson, "It is a shame to speak ill of 6 man behind his back: but think the gentleman whe has just Jeff the room is--an attorney" - a4
 One of the most touching inscriptions on record IS that on tombstone of dead wife in the Duxbury (Mass.) graveyard: "Chlsel can't help her any. and tears is of
 The Greek Catholics of Russia allow nc priest to perform any spiritual function until he has wife. Other churches near or home incline to make the same require ments
 It is estimated that 5000 pianos wsrt destroyed in the Chicago fire. besidef $l. 5OO, ,O0O worth of other instruments What place of resort Chicago ought tc be for nervous invalids?
 A Western editor named Figures has disappeared. Too much respect for the maxim. Figures won't lie" prompted him to retire from his profession. .-D Donb,tra Ne4s ssse-i.f r7 .ea} D Every eat in Paris is to be taxed three francs year. From which it may be surmised that there will be fewer cats iu the houses and more rabbits in the restau. rants.
 One of the Paris newspapers lately an. nounced the marriage of MT. Jerome Bo. naparte to the grand daughter of s'the cel. ebrated American humorist, Daniel Web. sters." a4 a
 When lady fainted at Wisconsin mar. ty, a gentleman thought he could resusci. tate her by biting her ear. She recovered promptly. He is going around with a poultice on his eye. . s.b 'faf'
 "An honest man is the noblest work ov God" This famus saying was written in grate anguish of heart, by the late Alex ander Pope. just after buying good fam. lily hoss.-Josh. BsIlings. .--...-......s
 An assassin went for a Virginia doctor with a bowie knife and drove it through eleven letters and two plugs of tobacco in his breast. pocket, but failed to punctuye the doctor. .t#ai HI .i
 A Danbury, Conn, school.boy disturb. ed the symmetry of a family heirloom by saving off the tops of his great.Rraud- mothers bed posts for 8 set of crouuet balls. And the night be did it he slept very. warm. gaa&
 The Eastern Argus alluded to an emf. nent citizen as "a noble old burgher, proudly loving his native State;" which neat little compliment came from the com positor's hands reading, ''a hobby old burglar, prowling around in a naked state"
 A Western editor was serenaded, and in the next issue of his paper complimented the serenading party on their siudicious taste in the selection of pieces" He was informed by listener, after the publica. tion. that they had played the 'Rogue's March ....:t' ....
 An Enoch Arden appeared in Newtown, recently. and learned from the lips of neighbor, the old, old story. Star. ing out into the darkness he submis. sively remarked: ''The ways of Providence are past finding out" and borrowing e dollar from his informant, immediately departed. ,..8 s
 /" Hello. dar, you nigger, what you axe for dat old blind mule, hey?"4 ao.,aa.
 We'll l dunno; guess I mont take thirty.fve dollars"
 Thirty five dolIarsl I'll giveyou five. /"
 "Well. you may have i'm; I won't stand on thirty dollars-in mule trade"
 The Duke of fp Edinburgh more nearly apprehended the temper of the English people when he lately told the Prince of Wales: "Yoh' II never be King of Eug- land. 2 Why not?"replied his brother. "Why. long before the succession is open they will make rule that it shall depend orf competitive examination: and I'll beat you then by 8 long chalk" @
 One of our ladies visiting in New York, last week, discovered as she was about to pay her fare on street car that she had been robbed. She made known her loss to the conductor but that man of Belial pro.