The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-10-17

"A week or two ago one OF our report
ers had occasion to refer to a certain wo-
man, whom we will call Hannah Smith,
as denizen of the Eleventh Ward. A
day or two afterward huge man entered
the Office with his brow clothed with
thunder In his hand he carried fear
full club, and at his side trotted a bull
dog which hunger had evidently made
desperate. With that quick apprecia-
tion Of the situation which is oreditable
to the superior intelligence Of educa ted
men, the editor of this paper and the
proprietors darted to the window, climb
ed outside, slid down the lightning rod,
and went across the street to watch the
bloody fray through spy-glass. With
the fearlessness of conscious innocence,
we sat still, merely inserting our legs in
two sections Of stove-pipe, to guard
against misapprehension of facts on the
part of the bulldog. The man with
the club approached.
"Are you the editor ?" he asked, spit
ting on his hands and grasping his club.
We told him that the editor was out I;
that he had gone to the North Pole with
Captain Hall, and that he would not re-
turn before 1876, in time for the Centen-
nial celebration.
care you the proprietor ?" asked the
man.
We explained to him that we were not;
that the proprietors were also out; that
they had gone to South America for the
purpose of investigating the curative
properties of cundurago, and they expect
ed to remain there for several years.
"Well, whoever you are" exclaimed
the warrior, "my name is Smith J"
We told him we were glad because, if
there was one thing better than the pos
session of the name of Smith, it was the
privilege Of knowing man by the name
of Smith .|
But, Smith," we said, "Why this
battle array? 1t is absurd for man to
put on the panoply of war, and frisk into
editors sanctums fumbling a club and
accompanied by a disheartening bulldog,
simply because his name happens to be
Smith" . aI
He said he had called in to burst the
head of the man who had insulted his
sister.
at is impossible, Smith, that such a
thing could have been done by any one
in this Office"
Is, but it was, though; and her name
was published, too. Miss Smith-Miss
Hammer Smith"
"May we be permitted to inquire, Mr..
Smith, what was the precise character
of the affront offered to Hannah 2"
"Well, you see," said Smith +" the
blackguard said she was denizen. And
| want you to understand" exclaimed
Smith, becoming excited, and brandishing
his club in a wild manner over our
head, while the bulldog advanced and
commenced to sniff up and down our
stove-pipe; | want you to understand
that she is decent young woman, with a
good character, and none of your denizens
and such truck. The man who says she
is denizen is blackguard and thief,
and I'll smash him over the nose if get
chance. They may say what they
please about me, but the man who abuses
my sister has got to suffer !" And Smith
struck the table in violent manner with
his club, while the bulldog put his fore
legs on the back of our chair
We pacifed Smith with a dictionary.
We pointed out to that raging warrior
that the Websterian definition of the word
denizen" gives such person an unof
Tending character, and deprives the term
of every thing like reproach Smith said
he was satisfied, and he shook hands and
kicked the bulldog down stairs. The
editor and proprietors, seeing that all was
safe, Immediately climbed the lightning
rod, and soon appeared at the window,
where they were introduced to Smith,
with the remark that they had returned
from the North Pole and the cline of
the cundurago, somewhat unexpectedly,
in order to surprise their relations.
And now We suppose Smith will be
mad because we told this story about
him, and he will be coming down to in
terview us again in wars magnificent
stern array with fresh bulldog. But
it will be in vain. Wehave rented an
Office in the top of the shot-tower, and
have planted torpedoes and spring-guns
all the way up stairs. We warn this
incendiary Smith to beware.
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