The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1871-08-17
THE EDITORS GUESTS.
BY WILL NJ: CARLETON.

Inc E01ter sat nfs tlls. sancVuh' MS cOunJe-
HE mind az Tlle bottom of business, his feet
at the top Of a chair,
lis chalr-arm an elbow supporting, his right
hand uphOlding his head,
His eyes on his dusty old table, with different
documents spread;
with underlined capitals topped,
And a short disquisition from GrOwler, re-
~, questlng his newspaper stopped;
cerning sweet flowers and Zephyrs,
And a stray gem from PIoddcr, the farmer, de-
seRtbing couple of heifers;
There were billets from beautiful maidens. and
bills from grocer or two,
And his best leader hitched to 0 letter, which
inquired if he wrote it, or whoP
the smoOthe and meflihuOus school,
And one OF his rivals last papers informing
There were several long resolutions, with
names telling whom they were by,
CanOnizing some harmless old brother who
had done nothing worse than to die;
There were traps on that table to catch him.
and serpents to sting and to smite him;
There were gift enterprises to sell him, and bit
ters attempting to bite him;
There were long staring lads" from the city,
and money with never o one,
Which added, Please give this insertion, and
send in your bill 1Uhen yOU re dOHe;'s
There were letters from organizatiOns-their
meetings, their wants, their laws
Which said, "Can,you print this encouragement
for the good of our glorious causeP
There were tickets inviting his presence to
festivals, parties, and shows,
Wrapped in notes, with "Please give us a no.
tfce,' demurely slipped in at the close:
In short, as his eye took the table, and ran Ger
its ink spattered trash,
There was nothing it did not encounter, except
ing perhaps 1t was cash.
The Editor dreamily pondered on several pom
On different lines of action. and the pulling of
Upsn some equivocal doings, and unequivocal
duns;
On how few of his numerous patrons were
On friends Who subscribed ''just to help him, -
and wordy encouragement lent,
And had given him plenty of counsel, but
never had paid him a cent;
On vinegar kind-hearted people were feeding
Who saw not the work they were doing, but
wondered that printers are sOuT;"
On several intelligent townsmen, whose kind
ness was so without stint,
That they Kept an eye out on his business, and
told him just what he should print;
On men who had rendered him fayOrs, and
never pushed forward their claims
So long as the paper was crowded with locals
containing their names;
On various other small matters, sufficient his
temper to roll,
And finally, cOntriyed to be making the blood
of an editor boil.
And one may see that his feelings could
hardly be said to be smooth;
And he needed some pleasant occurrence his
awakened emotions to sOOthe;
He had it: for 10, on the threshold, a slow and
reliable tread,
And farmer invaded the Sanctum, and these
are the words that he said:
GOOD mornin', sir, Mr.. Printer; how is your
I'm glad you're to homo; for your fellors is
Your paper last week WASH t so spicy nor sharp
rs the one week before;
But 1 s'pose when the campaign is opened,
you'll be whoopin' It up to 'em more.
That fellow that's Printin' The Smasher is go
in for you pretty smart;
And our folks said this mOrnin' at breakfast,
they thought he was gettin' the start.
But hushed 'em right up in mint and said
a good word for you;
told EN- 1 believed you was tryin' to do just
as we'll as you knew;
And told 'em that some ono was sayin', and
whoever twas it is so,
That you can't expect much of one man, nor
blame him for what ne don't know.
But layin' aside pleasure for business, I've
brought you my little boy Jim,
And l thought would see If you cOuldn'
make an editor outen o. him.
my family stock is incrcasin' while other
folks seems to run short,
I've got right smart of family-its one OF
the old fashioned sort,
there's Ichsbod, Isaac and Isrcal, a wOrkin'
They do bout as much as one good boy-and
make things go off like charm
There's Moses and Aaron are sly ones, and sill
like couple of cells;
al'ys git round to their meals.
There's Peter is busy inventin' (thOugh lchdl
he invents l can Z see).
And Joseph is stUdyin' medicine-and they'rC
both of. en- boardin' with me.
There's Abram and Albert is married, each
workin' my farm for himself,
And Sam smashed his nose at a shOOtin', and
so he is laid on the shelf.
The rest of the boys are all CROWN, 'cept this
little runt which is jim;
And l thought that perhaps I'd be maxim an
editor outen O. him.
s,,sA rI,lr 10, Ioho CY1orT
I've labOred with him good deal
And give him some str9pPin good argument
But he's built out of second class timber, anC
nothin' about him Is big,
ENceptin' his appetite only, and there he's a
good as pig.
81 keep him carryin' lunchcons, and film
and bringin the jug,
And take him among the peTtatOcS, and Sc
him to pickin' the bugs,
And then there is things to be dOin' n hclpin
the women in the doors
There's churnin' and Washin' of dishes, an,
other descriptions of chores,
But he don't take to nOthin' but victuals, ant
he'll never be much, / IN afraid,
| So l thought it would be good notion to lear
him the Editor s trade.
| His body's too small for farmer, hiss judgmsn
| But thought we perhaps could be making al
Editor Outen O. him.
| s'Tt amt much 90 get up paper-it wouldn'
| take him long for to learn;
| inHCnines
! some good strappin' fellow to turn;
! And things that was once hard in doing Is cas-
| enough ROtU TO do
| Just keep an eye on your machinery, an
| crack your arrangements right through!
| | used for to wonder at Teadin', and when
| was got up, and how;
| Rut tits most of it made by machincry-l ca
| see it all plain enough now:
| And poetry too, is constructed BY machincr
Each one with gauge and a chopper to sec t
| the length of the lines;
| And hear q New Y Ork clRirvOyant is runnin
one shcker than grease,
| And n geHtiR' her heaVen-born productions
| couple of dollars piece.
| An ;since the whole trade has grOwed easy
| I would be easy enough, I've n whim,
| If you was agreed, to be maxim an Editt
| Outen of Jim.'
| Tho Editor sat in his sanctum, and looked Il
| old man in the eye,
| Then glanced at the grinning young uOpeiu
and mournfully made his reply:
| els your son small unbound edition OF Mos
and solomon both?
| Can he compass his spirits with mecknCSs, an
| strangle n natural oath?
! Can he leave all his wrongs to the future, an
carry his heart in his cheek2
| Can he do an hour work in minute, and liz
on siXpcnce q WeekF
Can he eOurteOusly talk to an equal, and broV
beat an impudent Ounce?
Can he keep things IN apple-pie order, and {
n half dozen at Once2
Can he press all the springs Of knowledge wi
huick and reliable touch?
And be sure that no knows how much to lInC
and knOiCs how to not know too muchy
Does he know how to spur on his virtue, al
mt a check-rein on his pride?
| Can no carry gentlcman's manners within
| rhiuocerOs' hideY
! Can ne know all, and do all, and be all, WI
cheerfuIncss, courage and vim!
If so, We perhaps can be making an bdlt
'outen Of him.
The farmer stood curiously llStehlhg' Whl
wonder his visage o'ersTreadi
| And he said, 'Jim, guess we II DC Solh h'
probably out Of his head.
But 10, on the ricl1ety staircase, enother reli
bic tread, - Il 49,, q,
[ the words that he said;
Good morning, sir, Mr.. Editori how Is l
z folks to-day? ii. 7
a como in and pay. ~. :: !
And Jones is a goin' to take it, and this Is