Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1871-07-01
HONEYMOONS.

"Humbugl Why should ~ I WON'T
"Oh, of course, If you won't, you won't; but
the poet SAYS of a wOman's will
a. II she will, she will. depend ont,
And y she Won T. she won and there's an end ont"
talk, 10 come to the arbitramentof that tribunal.
You mustask the young LADY,"
The young lady was asked, and he over whose
actions she had the command gave in and went
his way, let us hope rejoicing, though the ac-
count he had left of his travels causes US to
doubt. The two friends who were speaking were
bridegroom and ''best man" Respectively; the
young lady referred to was the bride-elect, and
the subject OF the conversation was the forth
coming honeymoon.
After the event il happened TO be The writer's
fate to hear and see much OF the persons most
concerned, the bride and bridegrOOm; and from
what he heard on both sides he is led to draw
the conclusions set forth in the annexed article.
1t is, perhaps, as well to add that the writer
himself. being placed by virtue of a vow of
baehelordOm far above the influence of mere
personal considerations, deem himself qualified
10 look upon the whole question with uirswayed
judgment and judicial calrnness.
" As soon as ever the ring is on the finger, and
the parSOn has finished his exhOrtatiOn, the
honeymoon may be said to have risen, and by
GEORGE sir, If IL does not actually make the
bridegroom moonsuuck, everybody thinks him.
Sell at hDeTty 10 act as II he did" A man Is
treated as a lunatic forthwith. He is hustled
away from the ''hymeneal altar" into the YES
Try, where all sorts Of persons come up and shake
his hands and say funny thingstO him, while two
or three official or OfficiOus persons lay hold Of
him and demonstrate with him for not signing a
DOok OF me existence OF winch he Ignorant.
From the confusion into which a man natural
ly gets between the clerks, the books, the con-
CALCULATIONS, the fees, his friends, his "best
friend" his relations, and his wife's relations
he is arOused-and If he be Of q wrathful TEN,
permanent he is insensibly moved TO anger-by
seeing troop Of people, male and female, upon
many of whom he has never set eyes before, kiss
ing MS bride with energy and warmth that
made him doubt whether she Is hisor theirs. By
GEORGE sir, this is one Of the most trying parts
of the whole business.
"COme now, stop thatI' felt inclined to call
out when saw them at it, but before could
utter word of remOnstrance the sslutsrs of nv
wife seized me by the handsome clasped mine
wife both theirs-and In glowing words declared
tkeir satisfaction on making my acquaintance.
These people, sir, are your brides friends, and
their friends again. It's ten 10 one there are
some old friends of your wife's among them who
come 70 heap Goals Of fire on your joint heads by
assisting at your triumph.
Happy man." they persist in calling you,
and 50 a man may be, but no thanks to them.
They bore the life out of a nervous man. Pm
not given 70 Dragging, but declare TO You 1
Alps, listen to an old wOmans grievance, read
through the COlensO controversy, OF suffer any
thing else that is difficult and disagreeable, than
again endure those preliminary incidents Of the
HONEYMOON.
OF the breakfast and all 1t brings with 1.-THE
speeches, the toasts, the jokes, the tears-I win
say nothing. You've been at such things, no
doubt, and if you have you will have seen
enough 20 make you determine TO follow a
wholesome fashion which has sprung up since
breakfast, and going on Ike a sensible man with
your bride from the church.
There is an excellent custom among those who
can manage il 70 go straight from the brides
fathers house in town TO a house in the country
and there to spendat least a week or 30. People
either have houses of their own to which they
can 20, or they borrow other folks houses plan
which does nearly as we'll In them they can be
quiet, and private, and perfectly comfortable,
unwOrIied either by the necessity Of travelling,
or the yet more dreadful necessity of sight-sess-
ing. Later on, when they have becOms soma
what accustomed 10 the novelty of their new re-
lati0nship, they eanglOok abroad and, may be,
cOntTive 10 enjoy themselves: but for the nOnce
they 90 into retirement.
OF course we, having no cOuntry-hOuse in Eng
land, though we nave any number OF castles in
Spain, we're unable to do as nObler Romans do
We were driven on To the horns Of dilemma:
We had either TO go on the ordinary honeymoon
'Not 10 gO?'' 1 suggested, already aware of the
frame OF mind in which my friend had cOntem-
plated the journey.
a. Exactly: not TO CO." had matured plan
which had its attractions, not only because il
was an innovation on the ordinary course, but
because i considered IL To pOSsess-though say
IL that shOuldn't-peculiar merits Of its own.
The weather was foul, the season was bad one
for travelling, there was no inducement 70 stir
abroad, every inducement to stay at home. 1
had the offer of some special and remuneratiye
business If We stayed, which would be lost by
going away; 20 taking q calm view OF all the
circumstances proposed to myself to be mar
at home and to take a "Trip somewhere or other
in three or four months time, when the season
would be more benefcent and the surroundings
more agreeable In confidence told Jack Haw-
kins Of this, and he agreed entirely with me As
To the reasonableness OF the plan, but foretoid
its failure from the first moment he heard it.
I'VE are indebted to the said Jack Hawkins for
the fragmentary report OF the conversation on the
subject, which prefaces this article.l
OF course the question had TO be referred to
the only court that deemed itself competent to
decide IL, and you should have heard the expres-
siOns with which the proposal was received.
Attended by Jack Hawkins as my supporter and
elect and her bridesmaids. perfect storm Of
IiGicule burst upon me as soOn as the case was
stated. Fanny was willing enough to hear me-
ing gave unsOught Judgment irnmediately They
81 had never heard of such a thing" il was per-
fectly absurd" I" how could dream of ftp"
they would never consent to IL for themselves
of course IL couldn't be thought of for a mo-
Inent;'' - what would the Miss Fal Lals and the
Miss Thingumbys think % 1t was impossible TO
right. i was utterly wOrsted before 1 could state
nv reasons; the honeymoon was an arranged
thing; irresistible fate, represented by Fanny's
bridesmaids, decIeed IL. Permission was how
ever given, in consideration of the season being
winter, 70 cOnfne the tour within the limits VI
England. We were 70 go on the geddng-day no
further than Southampton.
On one point my will was "a iron, my resOlu-
ton a. steel. i utterly refused ~ allow one Of
the wedding" carriages, with its decked-Out
horses and cOachmen, TO drive TO the station.
and had IL not been Tor the insane antics or
come OF the people who threw old shoes after u.s.
and otherwise testified to being affected by the
hOneyn Don, the world would have been fgnO-
rant that the brougham contained a newly-mar-
Tied pair.
Aswe drove into Waterloo Station battered
myself We looked as unpubhc and as matter-of-
fact as might be; and how could people know
who OF what We vere2 But they did know,
Either the coaehman betrayed US or there was
a guilty LOOK about uS-I am inclined 70 think
there Is a conscious look about newly-marred
fo!ks-but somehow il was known felt Il Was
and madly hoping 70 dispel the idea, walked in
an insoEeidst way about the platform leaving my
bride surrounded with packages, all. alasl sls-
piciOusly new; bought a paper in order TO
favor the illusion OF my being an old stager;I
looked up and down the platform as though
was watching for a friend; was almost rude
with my inattentiOn TO poor Fanny. just As
was pluming myself on the supposed success OF
nv strategy, the guard Of the train came up said
in a voice that was intended 70 be peculiarly
winning and sympathetic, YOU'D like q car
riage 70 yourselves, sir? III see IL can mar
age IT," and before could get out the falsehood
tfiat was Indifferent whether he did or not be
had bundled orr traps into q coupe, OF which