The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-09-03
Mernlng Star and Catholic Messenger.
NEW ORLEANS, SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER B. 1911.
WIT AND WISDOx.

Or00D 8aSc6-AOScT6 VOWo'
.probates-Runaway knockers.
A bad policy-One that has run out.
A publichouse bar-Want of money
How to get along well-dig it deep.
Time is money-except the time of need.
Women of iron constitution Dumb
bellies.
Chicago bridal congratulation-" Many
happy rrturns."
The best band to accompany lady vo-
calist-a husband.
In what forest do palms most abound
The forest Of hands.
Human happiness, like Hebrew verbs,
has no present tense.
When you know not what to do, never
do you know not what.
"Confessing the maizy," is more elegant
than owning the corn"
Human friendship, like glass, is easily
broken, but not easily mended.
When is q small fshpond like bird
cagei When there's perch in it.
What leads people to buy all sorts of
trash at auctionsf More-bid curiosity.
Ia there anything in the world that can
beat . good wifef Yes, bad husband.
Beauty in a woman is like the flowers in
spring, but virtue is like the stars of heaven.
The more cautious and careful the sailor,
the more likely he is to make reckless
record.
Can civil engineer inform us how it is
that the mouths of rivers are larger than
their headsf
WHY is a fathers nose like q we'll trained
childf Because it's always under the
parents eye.
A man in New York is so short that when
he is ill he don't know whether he has head
ache or cOrns.
Whatever Midas touched was turned into
gold. In these days, touch man with
gold, and he'll turn into anything.
A Western editor has been sent abroad
by his subscribers on account of ill-health.
The first instance of the kind on record.
"You cruel man !" exclaimed Mrs. Jones,
"my tears have no effect on you at al, !"
"Well, drop them, my DEAR" said Jones.
To reprove small faults with undue vehe-
fly from q friends forehead with sledge
hammer.
No people under heaven can excel the
Americans in the manly art of sitting on a
bench and seeing eighteen men play ball.
Chicago Tribune.
"Why,n asks disconsolate widow, &c is
venison like my late and never-sufRciently -
to-be-lamented husband Z" Because
oh, dear! oh, dear Its the dear depart
ed!"
Poverty is, except where there is an act
ual want of food and raiment, thing
much more imaginary than real. The
shame of being thought poor 10 q great
and fatal weakness.
care these pure canariesf" asked a
young man, who was negotiating for gift
for his fair. eyes, sir" said the dealer,
confidentially 81 raised them ERE birds
from canary seed"
petroleum family lately started in fash
iopable life, whose parlor ia said to be so
brilliantly furnished that they look at 1t
only once q mouth, and then they do it
through a smoked glass.
A good book and a good woman are ex-
cellent things for those who know how
justly to appreciate their value. There are
men, however, who judge OF both from tie
beauty of the covering.
Some people are always complaining that
that they have not time to read or study
or think, and that while they are wasting
years by casting away the golden minutes
as they are given from heaven.
One day some one said of a very hand
some woman whose feet were immense
"She's very pretty; but she upsets com
ment, by proving that two feet make 1
yard"
don't believe in fighting; am solemn
ly against it but if a man gifts ten 6ghtin,
lam also solemnly against his getting lick
ed. After fight is once opened, all the vir
tew there il in it liz to lick the other party
josh Billings.
"Ef had been eatin' dried apples for
week an den took to drinkin' for a mont,
.-cou dn't feel more swelled up dan am di
minnit wild pride and vanity at SEEM sue
full Tendance har dis evenin'," said a color
ed preacher in Louisville.
Cowden Clarke tells the story of gen
tleman who lately, in making return c
his income to the Tax Commissioner
wrote on the paper, " For the last thre
years nv income has been somewhat unde
ESQ; in future it will be more precarioq'
as the man is dead of whom borrowed til
money"
"Pm not used to begging" said a littl
girl to o lady of whom she had asked aim
1'cause only two weeks ago my father We
merchant" "Why, child, how coul
you be reduced to poverty 30 soon ="
father took bad two dollar bill at his pei
s+on1 ond r. ruiDed him ~ Robbe0 I'll