Smyrna times., 1871-09-13
A Newspaper Agriculturist.

As editors are supposed to know all about
everything, including farming and natural phi
loSophy, the following queries are put under
the nose Of the editor OF the Petersburg (Va.)
hdec: Can you tell US why it is that the
rows Of corn on cob are always of an even
number? And can you tell whether the rows
are alternately Of different genders? And can
you say why it is that grain of corn planted
in spot in field where no other corn Is grow
ing is like to be defective, deformed and pro-
miscuously nubEin?'" The Indec replies as
follows
"We have to say to our friend, in the Ian
guage Of Josh Billings, that what we know
about farming is cussed little We never ap-
proximated agriculture any nearer than Cap
tain Wragge, in the capacity and role of a
moral agriculturist. We hardly saw the tun
of Mark Twain burlesque, in which, as agrl-
cultural editor Of some paper, he advised his
correspondents that pumpkins ought not to be
shaken iIom the tree, and that the guano was
fine bird. We didn't know much better our
self, and if the joke had been shade more
delicate we wouldn't have seen it.. Our ac-
quaintance with vegetables generally begins
where that of the cook just ends and as for
corn, we acknowledge that we haye devoted
more ears to its digestion than we have given
years to its study. We answer, however.
lst. That it does seem odd that the rows Of
grain are even, but why this is thus, and what
the reason may be Of this thusness, we know
no more than our correspondent. 1t might be
well to ask the corn, except that having ears 1t
hears not, SO that would not answer. We
propose, In view OF these circumstances, to lay
it on the table.
Cd. We are not we'll enough versed in the
physiology of corn to distinguish any difference
. of grain in sex. On this question the corn
r doctors are singularly SILENT though they open
l their mouths on some occasions, when the
, subject is introduced. We shouldn't think,
1 however, it made grain of difference, except
that the squeezing they get together must be
\ mighty nice if the theory of our friend be cor
u rect. If their cOrns didn't keep the grains
from dancing, wouldn't they be in fine posi-
IS ton for the Old Virginia reel, unless, indeed,
u the male row was too tight to venture on il
y with safety? That would certainly get then
y in hot water or else, if they were too hard
a. cases to be so treated they would certainly ge
F" sacked like Turks, and ground between some
upper and neither millStOne.
E. And, lastly, we answer question three witt
IN an anecdete 1t is related that a company o.
to philosophers once warmly and leng thily de
IN bated the question, why it was that vesse
at filed to the very brim with water could receive
as a certain addition to its contents in the shap
Ks of piece of wood, without running over
es They assigned every possible scientific reaso
10 for the phenomenon. Finally, somebody mad
I'd the experiment with the vessel, and the resul
ed was, the water did run Ouer. Our friend wi
a perceive that he will first have to prove tina
on his isolated corn plant is necessarily nubbin bt
IN fore we furnish the reason why.
al Other interesting information on the sujet
ed of roasting ears and corn pudding we woul
Die willingly furnish, but havnt got space nor le
IN sure. So no more at this time the next vi
'se appear in cereal numbers