Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1871-07-27
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

AISCkILAAEDlS llEAcs
IT cost London 81 100000 to take care
Of iiS poor last year.
DARK brown kids are said to wear bet
ter than any other color.
Az artist is not as strong as q horse,
but he can draw larger object.
A LEADING merchant at Trinidad, IN
the West Indies, murdered friend be-
cause he refused an invitation TO break
fast
AN exchange, wanting TO compliment
"a live stock journal says it is edited by
man whose head is full of live stock
THEKE is school teacher ia Massachu-
sets, who, il is said, sometimes, Sor pun
ishment, compels her scholars to eat grass
hoppers.
If in this world you fail to find anybody
as intelligent as yourself, don't get mad
and think of committing suicide; try to
bear it as braveiy as you can.
"DosT you take rather too much spirit
for a single man." asked a kind man OF
one who was INDUCING pretty freely. II
beg pardsn, sir; have been married
these ten years" was the answer.
ITwas a taunt of Mr.. Richard Golden
that there was not a man Of ordinary or
polite education, as it is called in England,
who being challenged TO point out Chicago
upon the map, could be able to put down
his finger within a thousand miles Of the
spot.
VERY UHKND-(Scene-A volunteer
review -Infuriated commanding o1icer-
Hi, there, get away, you msdman-get
away from the target. Easy minded luna
tic-Hold on, guv'nor, | amt as mad as
l look! l was here all day yesterday, and
found it much the safest place In the field.
THE pay of the enlisted men Of the
United States army has been reduce
Privates of cavalry, artillery and infantry
receive hereafter $l3 instead Of $16. and
the compensation of non-commissioned
officers is proportionately less than for
merly
A LADY had favorite lap dog, which
she called Perchance "a singular name
said somebody, "for beautiful pet,
madam. Where did you find it," "Oh,"
drawled she, at was named from Byron's
dog. You remember where he says, Per-
chance my dog will howl"
TEMPERANCE
More OF good than we can tell,
More to buy with, more TO sell;
More of comfort, lees Of care.
More 10 eat and more to wear:
Happier homes, with faces brighter,
All our burdens rendered lighter;
Conscience clean and minds much stronger,
Debts much shorter, purres longer;
Hopes that drive away all sorrow,
And something laid up for tomorrow.
A DANDY Of tWenty-siy having been
termed an old bachelor" appealed to an
elderly gentleman to decide whether he
should be called old or not, giving his age.
"Twenty six" said the elderly gentleman,
ait is owing to how you take it, Now, for
a man it is young enough; for a goose tits
rather old"
THE Rev. J Hyatt Smith, Of Brooklyn,
has in his possession Testament which
he picked up by the side of dead soldier
boy on the battle field of Gettysburg after
the close of the fight. A singular fact
about the book is that only one blood
staid is found upon the pages, and that
covers these words in Revelations: "Aud
it became as the blood of dead man"
A STORY is told of father in church,
who, when the marriage service came To-
the point where the clergyman asks, Who
giyeth this woraan TO be married TO this
man ?" replied well, sir, am called to
do it, although il do go agin the grain. l
wanted her to marry Bill Plowser, who is
worth twice the money o that ere man."
The answer was not considered regular.
ONE Of the importunate juveniles who
solicit pennies was asked, Where is your
mother." She answered difiidently, "SLe
is dead" "Havc you no father?' Yes,
sir, but he is SICK" "What ais himi"
continued the questioner. He has got
sore finger, SIR "Indeed" "Yes, SIR"
Then why don't he cut it OFF, "Please,
sir, responded the little maid, "he kaint
got any money to buy knife
BOILING potatoes is apparently one of
the most simple operations Of the elemen-
tary cookery. Yet al recent meeting in
London, gentleman had the courage to
say that not one girl in seventeen, of a
certain parish he knew, could boil pota
TO. Others STATE that so great Is the
disregard of English housewives just now
for all household matters that this Gin
difference is one Of the most outward and
visible signs of the deterioration Of the
English nation"
A COLORADO saloon-keeper said of q
rough crowd: 81 couldn't get their whisky
strong enough for them, so after trying
every way / at last made mixture of
poison OAK aid butterput, II tched 'em.
! called it the sheep herders' delight; and
it was a popular drink. The first Pike
tried it on yelled with delight; the next
one took two drinks, and turned double
somerset in the road before the house. A
peddler came along, and after he took sew
eral drinks of my sheep herders' delight.
he went of and stole his own pack, and
hid IL in the woods"
4 PARTY Of gentlemen who left Bridge
port, Conn, recently, to attend the wed
ding of friend, were signally unfortunate.
They had nearly reached their destination
when the horse banked, and could not be
made to advance sn inch. The time for
the ceremony was at hand, aid, as they
could not reach the church In season to
witness 1t, they concluded to turn about
and bid the couple goodbye at the Bridge.
port depot But, much 10 their disgust,
the horse banked again when near B ridge
port, and the would be congratulators were
denied the privilege OF seeing the happy
couple.