Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-08-01
-LeS7ecb for Hat2aaO2'ists.

LeG9ec7l for Hat22aO2ists.
Maids of Honor-Those who do not tilt sui
tors.
Things not generally known Poor peo-
pie
A one-legged miller is at once miller and a
hopper.
'Ghastly arborea skeletons is New York
csc for dead trees.
The latest woman question is said to be, when
will gold reach pa?
Beauty is worse than wine-it intoxicates
both the holder and the beholder.
Why is your chambermaid immortal? She
returns to dust every day without dying
Oh, Nanny, wilt thou gang wi me? as the
fellow said when he was trying to steal goat
An Alabama lady Obs in Montgomery
paper for the power to shuttle off this heavy
body, and become single drop of condensed
GOODNESS"
Playing at Doctor Ma, dear, Ada won't
take her physc. I've mixed her dose of
sand, and she says I must take some first. Doc
tors never do, do they, map
There are q great many wags at the South.
This class Of hum0rists are all honored with
handle to their professional titles down there
the people afeetionatey call them scala-wags.
A little four-year old girl who has ''been
there gives the following recipe for VAGINA
ton 'Scrape your arm little; scrape it till
it hurts put in little putty; let it dry; and
that all-till it takes.
Specimen Chicago local: 1T. J. Falls was
his name, And [ shall not deny. With regard
to the same, That he came from Shanghai,
And he put up last night at the Sherman, con-
siderably close to the sky"
The Welsh paper at Scranton, Pa, accepts
the situation. At least we don't see how its
remark that "Cyfrarfu Cynaphledd Ddemocra-
taidd Dalectheln 10 O'CLOCK heddyw,' can pos
slbly be explained otherwise.
The Partisan youth sell teeth of the dead
Communists as curiosities Twenty-four sets
of Dombrowski's have already been disposed
of, and there was a brisk trade in Cluseret' S
until it was found that he was not dead
An old newspaper speaks of small, badly
drawn sketch, which represents ragged Irish
man fourishipg a shillalah, and near him a
Scotch piper, with his pibroch under his arm.
The Irishman is supposed to be saying: "Play
the 'Boyne waters softly jlst to see how long [
could stand it."
Recently, one Of the river boats grounded,
alarmed an old lady, who exclaimed, what is
the matter? what is the matter? For God
sake tell me the worst?' exclaimed one more
anxious than the rest. After short pause, a
hoarse voice from the deck replied Moth
ing, madam, nothing only the bottom of the
vessel and the top Of the earth are stuck to
getheT."
Spanish proverbs.-Love, horse and money
carry man through the world Three things
kill man hot sun, supper and trouble. To
shave an ass is waste of father. 1.-THE gossip
is not in her own house, she is in somebody
else's Don't speak Ill of the year till it is over
The mother-in-l4w forgets that she was once
daughter-in-law Men are as grateful for kind
deeds as the sea is when you fling into it a cup
Of water.
THEORY VS. PRACTICE The Kansas cores
pondent Of the Cincinnati Times says: Pic
lures in the old Biographies used to represent
the Indian standing solitary and in a melan-
chOy attitude on a rock, gazing in sad, re-
fective way on a train of cars sweeping along
in the valley below. He seemed weeping to
see the steam-horse invading bis wild hunting
grounds, and overcome with gloomy forebo-
dings as to his future. | saw the lonely Indian
at the railroad depot this morning He was
grunbling because the train was few minutes
behind time and cursed the depot agent in
good missionary English because he did not
hurry up and check his carpet-bag"
HOME MANUFACTURE Two old plowmen
down East were telling tough stories of their
exploits 10 breaking up new ground The d.
lapldated linen removed from the shrub
berry by this yarn:
Twas up in Dixmont, twenty-seven years
ago this Spring. | was blowing in stumpy
ground with team Of nine pair of cattle for
Sol Cunning ham we were going along, ma
kin not very smooth work among rocks and
stumps. Well, one day the pint O. the pillow
struck against q sound stump, four feet thro',
split it square across the heart, and | was fol-
lowing the plow through, when the thought
flashed through my mind that the pesky stump
might snap together and pinch my toes, SO [
just gripped the pillow handle firm and swung
my feet up out of the way, and the stump
sprung back and catched the slack of my pan
falcons. That brought everything up STAMINA.
WE'LL | frightened my hold and Jim Swthin,
he and Sol. was drivin', they spoke to the cat
tie, and we snaked that stump right out by the
roots. and it had awful long ones
ut must have bin strainin on your suspen-
ders, said the other
Ny wife knit them
WOMAN.-A woman 10 a neighborhood is
only exceeded by another woman. She can
love truer Or hate worse than the man of ordi-
nary calibre.
She can make of home a little heaven. or a
little hell on less "a nit 81 fhan opu ctbo, b.: