The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

"A woman NJ MOunt IIcoe2nts koWos
bought a bottle Of hair-dye, and took il IN
ternally to affect the roots. The funeral
was at four o'clock, P. N.
For man who is ambitious for Govern
ment Office now-a-days, breeding pups 10
about the best business he can enter upon.
The man who begins life an idler, grows
up loafer, who lives by the exercise Of vag-
abond wits, who has no object in life other
than to live without labor, is . failure.
A merchant at La Crosse, Wis, Is trying
to explain to his wife why somebody persists
in hanging baskets filled with babies on bic
door-knob. Between explaining and eash-
ering them in, he has lively time Of is.
The man is success who by labor Of
hand Or brain makes home, pays his way,
takes care of himself and devotes his life and
earnings to tbs support and happness Of the
home ones.
Mr.. Doran, No. 159 Douglass street.
New York, succeeded in changing his .hirt
few nights ago by means Of kerosene lamp.
When the thing exploded, Doran sat down
backward to watch the conversion Of bis
wearing apparel generally into cinders.
A St. Louis woman relnedied her preju-
dices against q servant girl by pouring tea
kettle of boiling water down the back Of the
aforesaid domestic; then engraving the map
of China Oh her husbands bald head with .
pair of tongs.
When man keeps dog and bis wife .
servant, if they get into difficulty they work
at cross purposes, by the woman kissing the
poodle, and the man kissing the servant girl,
unless she is black one. Sometimes even
that is no restraint, as politics rule the camp
AID freside
Mrs. Nash, Of Columbia Falls, New
Hampshire, was lately appointed Justice Of
the Peace. An important suit to come OF
before her was adjourned few days since.
1t was girl, weighed nine pounds, and the
mother will 20 on with her Justice Of the
Peacing as soon as possible.
Perer Warren of Omaha, bet two dollars
that his son John could shoot an apple from
his head at fifty PAGES, sngle-barreled riae,-
and never bit hair John fetched the ap-
pie, and with it a strip of the old mans scalp.
about right for babys suspender. Peter
lives, but he swears John shall not be re-
peater.
A darkey at Macon, Co., hs1 a full set
of teeth inserted while working his passage
into a hen-roost. Because the dog was
black, he thought him friend, but gnaw-
ing conviction left on bis heart and things.
convnces Mr.. Ethiopian that the personal
liberty bill was not intended to include tho
continued part of chieken-loving dark.
les.
THE MINISTER'S LIKENESS AT one Of our
neghbors houses was very bright little
girl 1t chanced one day that they had
guest minister, an esteemed friend. Lit
Anna watched him closely, and finally sat
down beside him and began to draw on her
slate. "What are you drawing, Anna ?"
asked the clergyman. ''lse making your
picture" answered the child. So tho gen.
tleman sat very still, and she worked away
earnestly for awhile. Then che stopped,
compared her work with the original and
shook her little head Il don't like il
much" she said. ''Tain't great deal like
you. dess III put tail to it and call it
dog" Fancy his feelings.
Uncle Jake Summers, we'll known among
Michigan politicians as member of the Sim
nit from Macomb, took it into his head one
day to marry rich widow of peppsry temp
er, who got the better of him. The quarrel
was long, fierce and bitter; and at last, able
to bear it no longer, Jake made his appear
ance at George Wisners law office, at Pom
tiac, in a high state Of excitement, demand
ing an instant divorce. "For what causs?"
asked George. Jake was puzzled. Take
the statutes, Wisaer, and read 'em all over"
Jake renewed his quid and listened with
marked attention till George came to "im-
potency" "That's it, Wisner,' exclaimed
Jake, slapping his thighs "shes impudeut
as h-l!'