Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-04-07
HullnOr.
The dark ages'-ladies' ages.

HWmOr.
The dark ages'-ladies' ages.
Long and successful reign-the deluge.
At what time was Adam married? On
his wedding Eve.
Proverb for shower--half a parasol
better than no umbrella.
I am transported to see you as the con.
Wet said to the kangaroo.
In the country, straw is bundled; in the
city it is frequently offered in bail.
The five great powers-Leve, Money,
Ambition, Revenge and good dinner.
Inscription for shoemaker's shop-'with
all appliances and means to beet
Going out with the tide-accompanying
the bridal party out of church.
Motto for Grant-Know all men by these
presents
Why is thunderstorm like an onion p
Because it is peal on peal.
The school commissioners in Iowa prohibit
lady teachers kissing school boys over eigh.
teen years Of age.
A manageable lady should not refuse a
gentleman until he has offered himself. It
makes the gentleman feel awkward.
Ny dear, it is very wrong for young peo.
pie to throw kisses Why, mamma, they
don't hurt, if they do hit
Down east they call finger posts ministers,
because they point the way to other people,
but don't 60 themselves
'Ahv yawned bachelor, This world is
but gloomy prison. To those in solitary
confinement added witty young lady.
All efforts to make hay by gasight have
failed, but it is discovered that wild oats can
be sown under its cheerful rays
The ladies give as reason for marrying
for money. that they now seldom find any
thing elsa in man worth having.
Where's your flial gratitude, you naugh-
ty boy? What would you have been without
your kind father and motherY I s'pose I'd
been an orphan, sir
Boys. I'll tell you what let's do; let's 90
down to our house and play carry in coal.
We got half ton this morning. That's the
way the Boston boy of the period entices
his playmates into difficulties.
Whiskey is your greatest enemy. But
said Mr.. Jones, don't the Bible say, Mr..
Preacher, that we are to love our enemies?'
oh, yes. Jones. but it don't say Wa are to
swallow them
A melting sermon being preached in
country church, all wept except one man,
who, being asked why be did not weep with
the rest, replied 'Oh, belong to another
church
Covington, KY, had case lately whore
a discarded lover murdered the girl who re-
jected his suit, whereupon all the timid 'old
maids met together and unanimously re.
solved never to reject an offer.
A lady in Iowa got the idea in her head
that the devil was in her, and she went to
the pantry and hung herself. If women 60
to hanging themselves for little thing like
this, they are going to be mighty scarce,
that's all
Ned Shutter thus explained his reasons for
preferring to wear stockings with holes in
them to having them darned "A hole may
be the accident Of day, and will pass upon
the best gentlemen, but darn is prenedi-
tod poverty
Never trust secret with a married man,
who loves his wife, for he will tell her, and
she will tell her aunt Hannah, and aunt
Hannah will impart it as profound secret
to all her female relations aud acquaintan.
ces.
A companion to the song oh, give 'me
back but yesterday is soon to be issued. It
is to be called, 'Oh, could you spare tomor-
row. This will soon be followed by You
haven't got such thing as next week about
you, have your
A schoolmistress asked pupil to tell
what word the letter s double E spelled
The child was dull, and SO the mistress cries,
what is it, you Ounce, DO with my eyesY
oh, yes says the child, I know the word
now, ma'am, S double E squint.'
The man out west who is always doing
surprising things, recently sent an order to
Chicago for piano, and soon after wrote
the dealers that he and his wife couldn't find
the place to wind it up, and they wanted
to be told at once how to make the thing
60
A raw Jonathan, who had been gazing
at garden in the vicinity of the city, in
which there was several marble statues, OK.
claimed: just see what waste! Here's no
less than six scare crows in this ten foot
patch, and any one Of them would keep the
crows from five acre lot!
My dear friend said gentleman to a
bankrupt, the other day, I am sorry to hear
Of your misfortune Your family has nv
warmest sympathies oh, don't trouble
yourself about my family. looked out for
them. just save your sympathies for the
families of my creditors
A stolen kiss saved girls life in Fond
du Lac last week, for if the man who did
the deed had not pulled hor head forward
just as he did, beam, which fell f, ON the
upper floor, would have dashed her brains
out. There are number who would like
to be saved in the same way
ECCENTRIC. eccentric min ster in
large parish had seventeen couples to marry
at once in grand common service at church.
In the course of the wedding he asked ons
of the men to pledge himself to the wrong
woman. The man naturally protested, but
was told, Hold your tongue I vii! marry
you all now and here; you can sort your
ae'ves going home