The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1871-07-22
John Tells an Original Tenn
perance story


The just aud the unjust caught lt in
Troy yesterday. 1t rained like blazes.
and was lovely for folks that are fond of
water cure.
left Troy, aud in the cars | eat next
to fellow who looked to be mixture of
George Washington and pious pirate.
In fact, he looked as if be might have
burst his bass drum at the battle OF
Bunker Hill, escaped to the woods, aud
been there living on grass and poison
parsley ever since. His head would have
made a good whitewash sign. 1t was
white as pot cheese, and his face had
more wrinkles on it than three pounds OF
tripe.
/ always carry little whisky in my
bosom. l carry it there because the
| beating of my heart stirs it mp and keeps
it we'll mixed. l don't carry it 20 drink,
only TO bathe myself with inside.
drew out my flask and pointed it at the
venerable fellow. He gave jump, and
said, Don't shoot !" Then he saw what
it was, aud his dignifed nose curled up
so you could have hung FIVE pOunds of
Holsters on it,
Said l, "Take a snifter."
Said he, Whats a snifter ?"
Says I, "A horn" Then asked him
''would he wet his whistle p
He said "he hadn't any whistle, aud
if he had one he wouldn't wet il.
Then | said, ''Darn it, will you drink 2
He looked as melancholy as a dead
crab, and he said, Young man, ! never
use it. have not tasted a drop Of that
stuff since l was boy"
Then | perceived he was temperance.
probably lived in Watertown, and had
never chewed anything stronger than
watercresses, wateTmelons, and sich like.
Gently I placed my bottle Of whisky
back into my bosom, aud l put on face
long enough to take the first prize at a
camp meeting as / said, "My dear sir,
pity you from the bottom of my heart;
and told him lit panied me to see an
old man like him make such a humilia-
ting confession as that" N5ir, said /,
''if had anything stronger l would offer
it but / never use it,"
If were to throw bunch Of wet sea
weed into the face of the Goddess OF
Liberty, l don't think it would make as
bad looking countenance as that fellow
put on while he said "Sir, don't un-
derstand you"
Then / said, pardon me, hr, but it
grieves me very much to have a dignifed
respectable looking old gentleman like
yourself acknowledge to a stranger that
he has never tasted drop of w&ter since
he was boy" Says he, IL didn't say
So" says /, "You did" Says he, II
didn't" Says |, "Y1 did, did, did"
Then I told him "that bottle waGilled
with water" and he said he She thought
it was whisky"
| drew myself up as if 1 was getting
measured for some new clothes, and j
said, "Sir, you had no right to think it
whisky; you had no right to suppose
that any gentleman would be guilty of
carrying bottle of ofwhisky in his BOSOM"
He apologized and said, II am temper
ance," and / said, II am temperance"
and to prove it told him my great tenn
perance story.
STRUCK BY LIGHTNING.
can never think of it without shud-
dering at that awful adventure in the wild
jungles of Africa. 1t was at the closo
of hot, sultry day. had strayed away
from my two companions, Major Bird
and Captain Brush of the English en-
gineer corps, and found myself .aone.
This gave me very little uneasiness, as by
the aid of my pocket compass l could
easily find my way to the rendezvous ap-
pointed in case any of the paltg should
get lost. l was hot and weary, and part
ing the bushes | selected place where
could recline upon the soft grass and
take quiet nap. u
| had with me a Winchester repeating
rife capable of being discharged twenty
five times without reloading. j set il up
against tree and lay down. had
hardly done so aud was just about closing
my eyes, when / heard a era skling in the
bushes, and starting up l beheld a sight
enough to freeze ones blood with horror.
Within a few yards, croGehing and
crawling stealthIly toward me, was an
enormous black African lion. TO cay
was frightened would be poor way to
express it. My heart almost ceased to
beat, and my hair stood on an end. /
had but moment to decide what TO do.
To run was sure death, and / seized my
rifle, and taking deliberate aim fired.
The ball struck him between his eyes,
but it rolled off as if it had struck rock.
l fred again aud again, until my charges
were exhausted; every ball struck him,
but still he advanced. Fire flashed from
his great red eyes He lashed his tail
against his sides, and crouched down for
a spring. shut my eyes and gave up
all hope. With roar that rings in my
ears to this day, be spraDg into the air.
La another instant his huge body landed
,n top of me, and l expected to feel his
angs crushing my bones, and his terrible
laws tearing my quivering flesh. To
ny great surprise he lay perfectly still,
ind l did the same until l felt the weight
IF his body was crushing the life out of
me- Then | quietly rolled over, and the
body of the lion fell off from me. He
vas stone dead.
alt was narrow escape, said my
temperance friend.
ayes said /.
"But what in thunder killed the lion :"
aid he.
'He was struck by lightning" sald L
Jersey lightning You see. stranger.
lad a bottle of Jersey whisky in my
,osom, and when that animal lit on top
f me he broke that ere bottle, and one
Ihiff of that whisky was worse on him
han twenty five rife balls, for it killed
i'm deader than cold mince pie"
'No :" said my friend "Yes," said I.
Then he arose aud said, "Young man,
nat is tough; but it must te true, be-
luse you said it :" and with two tears
.reaking down his cheeks be said, II
m proud to make your acquaintance,
nd if ever you visit my town be sure
nd write me a week in advance, so that
can know when to expect you, and
i'll leave town the day before you get