The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1871-06-03
VARIETY.


! talnterg Because he's Clar0ed Lorraine
s Scaomor's E wisdom is said to be due TO the fact
4 at b. had seven hundred wives, whom he con-
ilted on ali OCCASIONS.
litde girls evening prayer" Please, God,
omber what little Polly said last night, she's
t4 ired tonight. Amen
e W yoming papers tell US that the people of
Territory are about TO IS abandon women
ge, - both mischieyous and impracticable.'
s. paper having an article headed with the
G ldrum, 50 Why do wives fade - a contem-
= y suppOses it is because they won't - wash
young Bostonian, wrestling with his first
A. Istaehe, is going 10 name it after two cele-
r d baseball clubs, L,cause there are nine ON
e.
Detroit druggist announces tonic which he
will enable its taker TO 50 eat an elephant -
it enable him to swallow an insult or digest
} front.
IpOleon I'LL has become white-headed during
ojOurn at Wilhelmshohe. That was prob
because he could not dye at the head of his
'.
ey have new style of temperance society in
h Georgia. The members may drink any
they pay for, but pledge themselves not to
any one else
Mark Twain - has sold his interest in the
j & lo Express and gone to live with his rich
at EImira. Lie will probably relinquish his
N editor once wrote a notice of Columbus
bus ness college while publishing a paper in
heuia, Ohio. He spoke OF well-deserVing in
tuition, and OF course the composition made it
uaEdeserving."
CoS-A blind beggar had brother who went
= "a and was drowned Now the man who was
-0 Ened had no brother What relation was the
man drowned to the blind beggar? The blind
De- gar was the drowned mans sister.
man, stopping his paper, wrote to the editor:
think folks Ottent to spend their mummy for
: pur, mi dadda dIddent and everybody sed he
the intelligentest man in the country and
b. the smartest family Of bOize that ever dugged
la ,rs.''
\ Padueah pOetess, " of great promise" got
on the following, in the high school of that
energetic town, short time since:
monkey sitting on the end of a rail-
Picking his Teeth with the end Of his tail;
calico sleeves mulberry leaves
AL schoolteaehers are hard to please"
sOme man living on the line of the South
western Railroad. near Drakesville, Iowa, who
hal taken spite against the company amused
lilIself the other day covering the rails for dis
tluee of a quarter OF a mile with SOAP A single
tra IN was three hours in crossing the creased
stretch.
\ play is enacted in a Chicago theatre in
which man is hung for fun. The other night
-hs gearing got out of order and they came near
laIg Iging him for good. When they cut him down
said he guessed they had better get some one
els to take bis place, '' his neck was not
tll snted enough to play that part
there is man in Glen's Falls, n. Y, who
won't believe any stories about the sagacity of
10 . lie says they have not common sense In |
'rlef OF his assertion he relates how he poured
'--osene on dog and set it fire, Just to have
title iun, as be was lonely during his wife's /
~ enee. and that dog actually ran under the |
n belonging to him and Law there and set the |
N on hre, though the whistled to him to |
dOgsl -''i'"
= SoaiO OEIiNG AssURANcE.-It is not generally
OWL that there are about as MANI ed;era-a-,
Us adopted by BARRIERS for the rerfsc, .horia
osarI' as there are of dressino a rnntto9
P II Fars- The most novel Is Darbars a.
"a nOir, when nut is introduced n
pauent mouth, over which the razor ia snr-
20 Ptss Win increased velocity. An ignor
customer, once in the act of undergo;ntes = ~;
atson, expressed some fear lest he s6onI5
low the nut unintentiOnaIIy. "Ob Io,. |
falid, " said the barber, - it won't b,'rs ~ u.
4 Oh do. l know that nut well, il has 49, 80
same trick to three or four customers. y
DRoLL BooK-One Simpson has ppbl;.b0a
Dr. london small volume called ssA New o.
to put down Wars" His plan is that all
1a nkind should mediate on half dozen texts
n-i ting two months to each text-September
ana October, for instance, being given to the
IDS, s. Blee ed are the peacemakers, for thew
sna | be called the children of God" In no way.
two months be better spent, if men would
ca DO it. Mr.. Simpson having thought of this
}, asks all kinds of persons what they think
nt It, gets answers from many of them, and
fishes them. Mr. Voysey. the hero of the
mt proceedings in the Ecclesiastical Court in
land, makes Characteristic objection to one
be selected passages, saying that, '' cold as it
January and February he cannot bring
mind to contemplate, even for two minutes,
lat horrid text out of the Book of Revelations
ut fire and birthstone" Mr.. Matthew Ar
! highly approves, and gives notable gloss
familiar phrase, ''Lnatfention is the world,
s iuahty the flesh. temper the devil. - Lord
by entirely approves of the object in view,
has much doubt of the efficiency of the
O. Fhie:l it is PROPOSED TO employ.