Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-01-20
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Man-hood-A hat
The poor mans story-the garrett.
dead heat is said to be live loafer.
Although the milk maid has passed away,
the made milk hasn't.
This is good time to collect autographs
of your creditors.
Tho cards which the slanderer plays
trey deuce.
There is poor fellow who says it's work
ing between meals that's killing him.
When is Chinaman most like a vegeta-
ble? When cue cumbers his head.
Why is woodchuck like sausage? Be-
cause its ground hog.
The great American bird-the bird in
the hand
Men are like potatoes-they do not know
aow soon they may be in hot water
There are three objections to glass OF
brandy. as there are three scruples to
dram.
.Give me some headache and family
fight is the Ohio call for glass of whiskey
and bitters.
Stale bread goes farther than new. Some
people are willing it shall 60 as far as 1t
likes.
It has been said that cork screws have
sunk more people than cork jackets have ev-
er saved.
Women as telegraphic operators have
proved great success. They send the
electric spark right through fellow
Insults are like counterfeit money-we
can't hinder them being offered, but we are
not bound to take them.
Say, Smith, where have you been for a
week back" I hav'nt been anywhere, for l
hav'nt got a weak back
A prisoner arrested for drunkenness in
Boston recently said he became intoxicated
on Temperance Bitters.'
Cattle are dumb beasts, but by getting
together in large numbers they make them
selves herd.
kissing pretty girl down South, fell
Ter asked her what made her SO sweet?'-
'Ohn she replied, my father is sugar
planterp
Boy, why did you take those shingles
last Sunday? Because, mother needed
some kindling wood, and [ didn't want to
split wood on Sunday
The Rochester Union declares that the
Radical party is going to the dogs. If this
is true, It is melancholy thing for the
dogs.
Tom; I say, Jack, what beautiful com
plexion Miss Smith has! Do you know her?
Jack; mo, but know girl who buys her
complexion at the same store
The Salem Register says General Butler
would settle the Alabama claims with cold
STEEL The Register, no doubt, meant to
say the old steal.
What death would you prefer to die?-
said one person to another L don't exact
ly know; I should like to try seven or eight,
before deciding the point
There is portion of the town Of Bethel.
Maine, where the wind blows so hard that
the people hardly dare to raise any children
except in sheltered localities.
A young gentleman who had just married
little beauty, says: She would have been
taller, but she is made Of such precious ma
torial that Nature couldn't afford it,
In Troy, liquor is allowed to be sold only
to the travelling public. The citizens are to
be seen every morning, carpet-bag in hand,
seeking something to hold in their mouths.
A German out West being required to
give receipt in full, produced the follow
ing after much mental effort: I ish full. I
wants no more money. John Swackham-
mer.'
We perceive that asses are qnoted in
Paris at sixteen sous per pound. 1t is cheer
ing to know that there is one spot in the
werld where they are not drug in the mar
ket.
In ragged-school in Ireland, clergy
man asked: What is holinessY On which a
ragged little boy jumped up and cried out:
'Plaze your riverancs, it's bein' cleand in
side.
A lively caricaturist represents John Bull
as voracious whale rushing through the
seas with his mouth wide open, and Ben
Butler in small boat in the act of harpoon-
ing him.
A woman collected money for the soldiers
orphans, and used it to buy bonnet. Size
said orphans, after they got used to it, could
get along without bread but women must
have bonnets or starve.
The method of making bowl of oyster
soup that can be retailed for five cents, four
of which will be profit, is as follows: Take
five Baltimore oysters, photograph them, to
each photograph add five gallons Of water,
season to suit taste.
A fellow coming out Of tavern one fros-
ty morning, rather too heavy, fell on the
doorstep Trying to regain his footing he
remarked: If it be true that the wicked
stand on slippery ground, must belong
to another class, for it's more than I can
do
A stranger WAS riding about town the
other day, taking a view of Hartford
Passing over College Hill on the West side
Of the Park, he noticed the fine bronze stat
ue of the late Bishop Brownell, and inquired
of the driver, who ia that? I dunno
was the reply 'one o them brass insurance
men, 1s'pose.
One of our German clothing dealers re-
Gently sold man a pair Of boots. A few
davs Afterwards the man returned with them,