Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1871-09-20

BOSSeSSe0.
During my youth suffered from a natu-
rally delicate constitution | was pale, fee
bic and sickly, but from no decided disease.
dreamy, quiet east of temperament caused
me 70 shrink from the rough sports of my
brothers the contact of strangers was equal
y disagrceabe, and | seldom strayed from
home. Indeed, I lived almost wholly within
myself. although by no means devoid of nat
ural affection; on the contrary, my emJti ous
were strong, and my sympathy easily
aroused. How 1t happened that | acquired
love Of learning ] do not know, all the
outward circumstances by which 1 was sur
rounded tending to foster anything rather
than intellectual habits, for our family, al
though each member possessed a common
education, were strictly practical but thi.
difference IN my disposition cuU me off tr ON
their pursuits. add found my chief enjoy
ment in the volumes Of library 70 which /
obtained access.
Perhaps E was the scjcutary lie LED. the
close confinement and lack of exercise, that
brought on q violent attack of sickness when
| was IN my nineteenth year, 50 that / lay
for several weeks completely prJstratcl. Dur
ing two or three days my hie hung as in a
balance, which q breath might have turned
and launched me beyond the confines of
time. However, the disease succumbcd t.
the pers -verIn- attention of experienced
nurses. / arose from my weary bed and
found my physical slrength slowly improv-
iug, buJ FROM that period | was subject at
irregular intervals 70 what the physician
pronounced temporary delirium, which /
know be used as a mIlder term tor insanity.
But it was not insanity. | never lost con
troll Of my mind, but | lost control of my
body. lr Obeyed a will that was not my
own. \ mighty autagouistIc power seemed
TO creep over my brain, which lmpelled my
movements and held my struggling soul IN
-ubiecton. presented tho singular phc-
uomeu0n OF one person governed by two sep
drate and distinct wills for my mind was
not dIsOrdered, but only mastered 10y suVe-
rior strength Iu this strange condition
would see familiar objects magnitied, eXsE
Lerated and ntortei, IN an atmosphere va
ryiug with all cJ!ors, at the same time being
perfectly conscious of their real appearance.
1 would hear sounds sweet and musical grow
into walls Of hea t-rendlng despair. l could
recognize my friends wneu they We're pres
eut, but was forced q regard them with the
cold eye Of a stranger. would commit Act-
that no human agency could have compelled
me 70 DO when my faculties were untram-
mee4. never submitted without a struE-
.le. and always felt conscious that, if could
bat once resist this seemingly invinchlc
power if ! could but once disregard its
prOmptings, | should be free but my soul
was iettered.
The attacks were never Of long duration
They always lett me utterly exhausted, and
IL would sometimes require IA week 10 recruit
my expended strength. ! could a!Jerward
recall every Incident with the most distinct
minutene-s, for they were branded ia char
acters Of fire on my memory. Fainly | as
serted again and again that 1t was not deiir-
ium. that | was forced INTO Subsection to
some mysterious power / could not with
stand my statements made no impression
upon the physician, who evidently consider
ej mine but common case OF one suffering
from attacks of temporary insanity, and
when persisted IN my statement, he forbade
any further reference TO the subject How
ever, | could not prevent my mind from con-
t.nualIy dwelling upon it IN secret. W That
was this 70 foreign, 50 anita gonIstic TO my
self that mastered my will, that controlled
my actions, that made me literally another
being? Why did / not shake off this evil
influence and be free? / felt perfectly con-
scious Of possessing the power, but was not
able to arouse il from latent condition.
As have said before, l was naturally OF
d studious disposition, and now turned my
attention to metaphysics. | read works,
ancient and modern, on its d fferent branches;
ICdu tutAAtdA AALtLIcCo Oil iliodliit1 anu b4I
more | learned, the more thoroughly con-
vinced | became that ] was not sufering
from mental alteration. Constant brooding
over my disease greatly wore upon my phys
ical 18th travelling was recommended,
in homes that change OF climate and scene
might benefit my health My old aversion
to strangers still clung TO me, and, although
possessed by a restIessness to which | was
wholly unaccustomed, | persisteDtly refused
to leave home no arguments could gain my
consent, SO that my friends were forced to
give up the project in despair.
One morning when more than the usual
gloom oppressed my spirits, | made an effort
to arouse myself and throw off the melan-
choly that was settling upon me, which each
day felt to be growing more confirmed. |
was sitting by window which stood wide
open, and, Just outside, Gagged canary was
singing and futteriDg it's feathers in the
warm spring sunshine. The little bird v as
my particular property. and | regarded 1t
with an affection which is rarely bestowed
upon pets. With the exception OF my young
sister, child about four years of age, this
was the only living thing that l had taken
any interest in since my sickness. | had
trained the canary from the shell, and the
little creature seemed to repay all my care,
for from no Otner member of the family
would IL receive caresses. | was so much
afraid of it's being accidentally injured that
/ never allowed 1t to be freed from the cage
except in my presence. At my call it would
fly about me, resting on my head, shoulders
or hands, and chIrping in perfect ecstasy
of enjoyment.
l arose and opened the door of its prison,
then, reseating myself. softly whistlei while
it darted into the air, wheeled once or twice
and descended upon my hand. StrOking its
spotless yellow plumage, | regarded the little
thing with degree of pleasure | had not
experienced for several weeks. But sudden
horror almost caused my heart to cease it's
bsatings, and the perspiratien started from
my forehead in great drops, for felt my
fingers slowly closing over the delicate bird.
Although | made an attempt greater than