Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-12-07
Humorous Readings.

oe entitlsu. 10 seno an lnolau oeitSaLe io
Congress.
Humorous Readings.
Original articlss-a, an, and the.
A water spout-s teetotal speech.
Why de the "desd march in Saul 2"
The best wine for vocalists-Csnary.
A cowardly assault-to beat a retreat.
A swell among fowers-s dsndelion.
Arms have they, yet toll not-chairs.
Hands have they, yet steal notebooks.
Legs have they. yet walk not-tables.
Teeth have they, yet chew not-combs.
Lips have they, yet kiss not-pitohers.
Eyes have they. yet see not-nsedles.
Hearts have they, yet pity aot-cab-
bages.
Ears have they, yet hear net-old book
leaves.
Tongues have they, yet taste not
buckles.
The best place for the blind-ths sea
side.
A welcome ship at any time-frisnd-
ship. .-.e
The best time to cut corn-when it
aches.
An impossible quantity - too mach
money.
Something for boys to spin-s moua-
tain-top.
The last cup of folly is generally the
hic-cup.
The place for picnic-the Sandwich
Islands.
A handy tuns-fortune. 1t is net com
mon metre. ....#
Advice to Mothers switch in time
saves nine.
The last glass before going to bed-ths
looking-glass.
To su:hors.-It is not wrong to write
if ysu right wrong.
A sad dog is defined as one who tarries
long at his whine.
Osrsnen resemble Indian chiefs when
they feather their sculls.
When is black dog not a black dogS
When its greyhound.
Tennyson is not a beathen, though be
is "wedded to bis Idyls."
What sort of ascent is descent PA
trip up, for it brings You down.
1t is mistake to suppose that the sun
is supported in the heavens by its beams.
A delicate parcel to he forwarded by
rail-a young lady wrapped up in herself
What is the easiest way for a bad rider
TO show himself off ?-To get on spirited
horse.
A young lady recently tried to do mp
her back hsir with houey-conb to make
it look sweet"
A Tennessee girl was married, with one
broken arm in a sling. The bridegroom
had several sings inside him.
Why is a carpenters wife an unhappy
woman ? Because her husband is always
al ,win'-'er.
Why are there no eggs in San Domiu,
eo2-Phey banished the whites and cast
off their yoke.
In too many lamentable instances, the
last scene of all this strange, eventfuI
bi-t.ry"is is kerosene.
In conversst on, wise man may be at
loss how to begin, but q fool never .
knows how to stop.
A lad of inquiring turn Of mind wants
to know whether the horseman who
secured the plain used soap.
"A lady was l-tsiy huaged to death in
Minnesots, another illustration Of the
power of the press
Is there any news p irqnired gentle
man of a newsboy. Lots o. news, re-
piled the boy, but pothin to boiler
Three Penpsyiv-nians, after reading
about the war of 1912, went and thrashed
an Eoglisbman half TO death.
Shsrpers consummate business contracts
in the interior of Massachusetts by pay
ment in Commercial college imitation
bills.
A New Orleans thief returned some ab-
strscted clething that proved TO small, and
wrote the owner that he would wait for
him to grow.
Mrs. Mslsprop thinks that n Pouyer
Qnertier, the French chancellor of the ex-
chequer, has a most capital name for q t&
collector. The excsllent old lady calls
him Mounseer Ply Yer Quarter.
It was said of Edmond Kean, that be
read Shakespeare by flashes of lightning.
If this were 40, IL would certainly have
been approsriste if his readings were re-
eeived with thunders Of applause.
An English young lady novelist. who
has sprung into an odd kind of fame du-
ring the lsst two or three years, was de-
rcribed by q sstirical friend - So pert
little girl who tries TO be offensive to her
Creator, and falls"
Recently woman was arraigned be-
fore g magistrate for some misdsmssnor.
The ususl questions were put TO her /:
"Whst is your occupation ?" 81 have
none sir. was tho reply. "Well, how do
you live ?" II live on privstions" She
was allowed to 60 undned.