Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1871-09-22
I<orIi.
By JOSH BILLINGS.

country, very amazingly.
nav seen it out thare IL foot hi Il
don't mean the aktual korn itself, but
the tree on which it grows.
Korn haz ears but never haz but one
ear, which IL as def az an adder.
Injun meal IL made out ov korn and
korn dodgers IL made out ov injun meal,
and korn dodgers are the tuftest chunks
ov the bread perswashun known to man.
Korn dodgers are made ov water, with
iniun meal MKT into it, and then baked
on hard board in the presence ov a hot
fire.
When you kant drive 10 penny nail
into them with sledge hammer, they
are sed, by good judges to be well dun,
and are reddy tn be chawed upon.
Tha will keep five years in damp
place, and not gro tender, and dog hit
with one ov them will yell for week,
and then crawl under the barn and NUT
ter for two or three daze more.
/ have knawed two hours miself on
one side ov korn dodger without pro-
dusing emmy result.
They git the name dodger, from the
immegiate necessity of lodging if one IL
hove horizontally at yu in anger.
1t IL far better tn be smote bi year
old steer, than korn dodger that il on
ly 8 hours old.
Korn was fust discovered bi the injuns,
but WHARF they found it don't kno and
i don't kno az care.
Whiskee (noble whiskee) IL made out
ov korn and whiskee il one ov the great
est blessings known to man.
We never should hev bin able to fill
our states prisons with energetic men,
and our poor houses with good eaters, if
it want for noble whiskee.
We never should have had emmy tenn
perence sons ov society, nor prize ftes,
nor good murders, nor phatt aldermen,
nor whiskee rings, nor nothing else, if ii
want for blessed whisaee.
If it want for korn, how Good emmy
: body git horned.
: And if it want for gittin horned how
> much would life be worth
5 We should all sink down to the leve
of the brutes if it want for gittin horned
: The brutes don't git horned, tina hahn
7 got any reason or soul.
e We often hear of drunken brutes,
o this is compliment to oxen which don
belong to them.
o Korn also haz kurnels, and kurnel
g are often horned, and so are brigade
r generals.
J" Johnny kake IL made out ov korn an
y so is hasty puddin.
D. Hasty puddin and milk izquick to cal
Of All yu hav got tn do IL tn gap, and swa
n 10, and that IL the last ov the puddin.
t. Corn waz familiar tew antiquity; Jc
Is seph was sent down into Egypt after sur
n korn, but his brothers didn't want him
A. go, so they took pity on him and pitte
is him in deep pit.
IF When his brothers got back hum, an
is were asked where Joe was, they didn
acknowledge the korn but lied sum.
lie 1t has bin proved that it is wicked
IN lie about korn or emmy of the o her veg
1T tables.
ID Thar IL this difference between lieing
ne and saving wood, it IL easier to lie e
r. pecally in the shade.
le Korn has got one thing that nobob
or else has got, and that IL a kob.
en- This kob runs thro the middle ov tt
,e, korn and IL as full ov korn as Job W;
e- ov biles.
I'd / alwais feel sorry when think of 10
b. and wonder how he managed tew S
ty down in chair,
Is. knowing how tew set down squa
is on bile and not hurt the chair IL one
ny the lost arts.
in Job waz a card, he had more pashenc
and biles, tew the square inch, than
usual
nd One hundred and twenty-five akers {
ol korn tew the bushel IL considered GOO
,o krop, but have seen more.
uo hav seen korn sold for 10 cents
II bushel, and in sum parts ov the Westel
!. country, it IL so mnch, that there ali
~ no good law against stealing it.
In konklusion, if yu want to git SUI
%. krOp ov korn, and good price for ii
no krop, feed about A quarts of it to shan
hi rooster, then murder the rooster i.
IN megiately, and sell him for sevente,
cents quart, crop and all.-Neeo 70
err Weekly.
IN