Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1871-09-08
\ MODEL Love LErTER-A BREACH OF

\ MODEL LOVE l.ErrER-A BREACH OF
PROMISE CASE From the Buffalo Commer-
cial Advertiser )-Myres VS.. Harrs.--This was
one of those rare and peculiar caseS-breach of
promise of marrlagc--and occupied the greater
part of the forenoon From the evidence, it
appears that the parties both live In or near
Onondaga, that Harris had been a frequent
visitor for about two years and haif at the
house of the plaintitf-a widow woman nearly
thirty years Of age, with three children. 1t
of the plaintitf land no doubt she thought so
herSeif) that Harris would marry her; bat he
,Ilarris) from some unaccounlubc cause, = few
munths ago. suddenly discovered that nc loved
another young lady better, and verified ms be-
lief short time since by marrying that other
lady Hence this action was brought 10y the
plaintiff to recover damages, to apply as sarc
to her wounded affections The following ten
der cpistle, sent by the loving swain, will m
terest our readers, aud We recommend 1t "a Il
model love letter:
MY DEAR NIEs. NJ: Every time | think of
YOU r.y heart tops up and down like churn-
da,hrr Sensations Of unuttcrab'e JOY capcr
over il like young goats on stable ROOT, and
thrill through it like Spanish needles through
pair ct tow linen trousers. As Il goshns
swimmith with delight III mud-ruddlc, so
swim in il sea of glory. Visions Of ecstatlc
rapture thicker than the hairs OF backing
brush, and brighter than the eyes OF hum
ming birds rinior,S, visit nc in my slumhers,
and. borne on their invisible wings, your image
like Il pointer Swapping ut bluc- bottle fly.
when first brheld your angelic perlectuns
[ was bewildered, and my brain whrled around
like humble bee under glass tumblcr. My
eyes stood open like cellar doors in country
town, and lifted up my ears to catch the sllvcry
accents of your voice My tongue refused to
wag, and in siieut adolatiou | drank in the
sweet infection of love As i thirsty man swal-
loweth tunlbIcr OF hot whisky punch.
Since the light of your face fell upon my
life sometimes feel us if could lift myself mp
bv my boot-Straps to the top Of the church
stcepe, and pull the bell rope ior singing
school Day and night Hon are III my thoughts
When Aurora, blushing like II bride, rises
from her saffron courcd couch; when the Jay
bird pipes his tunetul lay in the apple tree, 'by
the spring house; when tile chantlctecr shrlil
clarion hcralls the coming moru; when th2
awakening pig arises from his he'd and gruntcth,
and gocth for his morning refreshments; when
the drnwsy beetle wheels to drohlng flight at
sutry noontidc; and when the lowing herds
auI like piece Of gum elastic, my heart seeus
stretched clear acros, my bosom. lour har Is
like the ,nanc OF Il sorrel horse powdered with
gold; and the brass pins SkGWered through
your waterfall fill me with unhounded awe.
Yonr forehead is smoother than the elbow "i
an old coat. Iour eyes arc glorious to behold.
La their liquid depths see icglons oil llttle
cupids bathing, like rohurt of ants Ia an old
army cracker When their fire hit NE upon
my manly breast. it penetrated my whole allat-
omy, "a Il load of hirdshut through Il rotten ap-
plc. Your nose is from chunk Of Parian
marble, and your mouth is puckered with
sweetness Nectar fingers Oil your lips, like
honey on bears paw; and my nlyrlads oi un,
Hcdscd kisses are there, ready to fly out and
light somewhere. like bfucbirdS out OF their
parent nest Your laugh rings in my ears
like the wind harp's strain, or the bIeat OF the
stray lamb on bleak hillside. The dimples
ON your checks are like bowers in beds OF roses,
or hnllows in cakes of homemade sugar. ....
II am dying to fly to thy presence, and pour
out the burning eloqucnce of my love, rs thrt-
ty housewives pour out hot coffee. Away
Sometimes [ can hear the june bugs of des-
uondency Luzzing in my cars, and tecl the cold
lizards of despair crawling down my back.
Tncouth fears like thousand minnows, nib
ble at my spirits and my soul is pierced with
doubts like IN old cheese is bored with
Shippers.
My love for you is stronger than the smell
of Cotley's patent butter, or the kick of l. young
cow, and more unsetsh than Il kitten $ first
caterwaul As song bird han kers for, the
light of day, the cautious mouse for the fresh
bacon in the trap, as mean pup bankers for
new milk, so long for thee.
you arc taircl than L spccklc,l pullet,
sweetcr than Yankee doughnut fried III sorg-.
hum molasscs, brighter than topplumagc on
the head of Il muscovy duck. You are candy,
kisses, raisins, pound cake, and swcctcncd tod
dy altogether.
"Ir these few remarks will enable you to see
the inside OF my soul, and me to win your al
fectious, | shall be as happy as woodpeckcr
on cherry tree, or q stage horse in green
pasture Ifyou cannot rcciprocatc my thrl;,
ling passions, | will pine away like Il poisoned
bedbug, and fall away from L Furnishing vine
of life an untimely branch; and in coming
years, when the shadows grow from the hills,
and the philosophical frog sings his cheerful
evening hymns you, happy in another S love,
can come and drop tear and catch cold upon
the last resting place of
Yours, afcctionatcy, 'H.
Verdict for the plaintiff and 5000 damages