Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1871-07-13
Miscellaneous.

BY JOSH BILLINGS.

OATS are singular grain, perhaps ]
should say plural, bekauze thare il more
than one ov them.
They gro on the top ov straw, about
two foot, 8 and one-quarter inches hi, and
the straw iz holler.
This straw IL interesting for its suck
shun.
dipt into the buzzum ov sherry cobbler,
will suckshun up the entire cobblsr in
! minnitts, bi the watch.
/ never hay tried this, but kno lots ov
young, and reliable men, who stand around
ready to prove this, if sum boldly will
fetch on the cobbler.
This suckshun il sed to be ded sure
thing.
Oats gro on the summit ov sum straw,
and are sharp at both ends.
They resemble shu pegs in looks, and
build, and it il sed, are often mistaken for
them by near sighted hosses and shuma-
kers.
don't intend this remark az any deroga-
tiveness to shumakers in the lump, for i
have often sed, in mi inspired moments,
If couldn't be q shumaker, would like
to be good lawyer.
Oats are phuny grain, quarts ov them
will make even stage hoss laff, and when
stage hoss laffs, you may know he is
tickled somewhere.
This IL the natur ov oats az beverage,
they amuze the stummuck ov the hoss
with their sharp ends, and then the hoss
laffs.
hav never saw hoss laff, but hav
heard that it could be did.
Thare iz crate menny folks, ov good
moral karakter, who wont believe emmy
thing unless they kan see it, theze kind ov
folk are always the eazyest to cheat.
They wont beleave rattle snaiks blight
IL pizon until they tri it; this kind ov in
formashun alwus kosts more than it il ak
tually worth.
1t IL middling wize man who profits
bi hiz own experience, but it IL good
deal wizer one, who let's the rattlesnaik
blight the other phellow.
The Goddess ov korn IL also the God
dess ov oats, and barley, and buckwheat.
Her name il Series, she il astrological
woman, and like menny wimmen now
daze, she il hard to lokate.
Theze MYTHOLOGY men, and wimmen,
work well enough in poetry, WHARF good
deal of ieing don't hurt the sense, but
when you come right down to korn in the
ear, or oats in the bundle, all the gods and
goddesses in the world, kant warrant a.
good crop. 1s.=a
IL tdhCS ldDOl W IdlHC cdta, dud 6AfdSlI
them out, but ov all the lazy cusses that
hav pestered the earth, since Adam was
boy, the gods, and the goddesses, hav al
ways been too lazy to SWEET.
Emmy being who haint never SWEET, don't
kno what he is worth.
l would like to see whole parcel ov
theze gods, and goddesses, in harvest
field, reaping lodged oats, in the month of
August; they couldn't earn their pepper
sass.
Oats are sold bi weight or mcclure, and
are seldum (or perhaps may say in conf
dence never) sold by count
Eggs, and money, are counted out, but
oats never.
It would be well for nu beginners to re-
member this, it would save them a good
deal OF time on every hundred bushels ov
oats.
Time iz said tew be the same az money,
If this iz positively SO, Methuseler died
ritch.
Methuseler was exackly 999 years old
when he died, now multipli this bi 365,
which would only be allowing him dol
lar day for hiz time, and yu will find Just
what he waz worth.
Oats are worth from 40 to rs cents a
bushel, ackording tew their price, and amt
good for mutch, only tew tickle hoss.
They will choke goose to deth quicker
than paper oy pins, and ennything that
will choke goose to deth ii mean on the
internal side oy their thrut) IL, to say the
least ov it, very skarse.
Speaking ov goose, hav found out at
last what makes them so tuff, it il staying
out so mutch in the cold.
/ found this out all alone by miself.
Oats are very easy krop tew raize.
Allyu hav got to do, to raize oats, iz to
plough the ground deep, then manure it
well, then sprinkle the oats all over the
ground, one in place, then worry the
ground with drag all over, then set up
mites to keep the chickens, and wood.
chucks out oY them, then pray for some
rain, then kradle them down with kradle
then rake them together with rake, then
bind them up with band, then stack
them up with stack, then thrash them
out with fail, then clean them up with a
mill, then sharpen both ends ov them with
knife, then stow them away in granery
then spend wet days, and Sundays, trap
ping for rats, and mice.
It aint nothing but phun to raise oats
try it.
One ov the best ways tew raize sure
crop ov oats, and tew git good price fol
the crop, IL tew feed quarts ov them to
shanghi rooster, then murder the rooste
suddenly, and sell him for 25 cents
pound, crop and all.-Neao York Weekly.
-s~