The Van Buren press., 1871-09-05
Fred Grant and Beatrice Guelph.

The story that Fred Grant is to marry
Queen Victsria's daughter. the Princes
Beatrice has set The grapevine telegrap
to work, with the following result:
WARRINGTON. July %.
Reports OF this morning as to the pro-
jscted alliance between Princess Beatrice,
: OF England. and Fred. Grant are confirmed
The great and good Greeley will give
young Grant away. He is so delighted
with the IDEA that he declares himself ready
and willing to give tho whole Grant fami.
Iy away.
pisrrSGuIsuEp uoNoRs FOR FRED.
Fred is to be created a Prince Of the
Bleod Royal and made Riyh Flap Jack in
waiting on the QUEER.
HOW 1T WAS BROUGHT ABOUT.
The proposition to connect tho royal
Louses OF Guel phi and Grant originated
ever littls supper at Winsor, where her
Majesty remarked in connection with the
treaty" Sshensk. my commissioner made
, pretty kettle Of fish Of it with Canada
Ysu ought to throw in something as bo
nus. Gen. Schenok, telegraphed on the
spst to President Grant, who replied.
"THRow IN FRED. "
He's locking out for an opening somew here.
Marry him to vic's gall-I'll give them
San Domingo CorOin shall take sub.
scriptions up among all e.holders to
pay for it. - Schenck who was teaching
Gladstone how to mako julep when the
answer returned, referred it at once to tho
Queen. Said Schenck, "you have a
daughter; we have q son. Give them
few millions and your blessing, and lie, us
have peace" Her majesty exclaimed,
"pARcUs IS wILLIN'" "
=" Produce your gentle savage. It's a
high. old scheme. On with the banner !;
!., joy bs uncon6nsd. ~
The 8 ntleman who was in attendance
upon tho Queen. signifed his unqualified
approval by winking at Schenck and vo-
eiferating Bully" Her majesty at once
tuned in her chair and remarked mildly,
BROWN RESTRAIN YOUR TRANSPORTS.
The following kilograms have already
passed over the csple between the contract.
ing pstt'ss. and more are coming.
THR QUEENS DISPATCH.
Dear President Grant-Gl0ry to God
The alliance between our ancient and no.
BILE houses will cement the union between
the nations more closely than a thousand
treaties. Privats.) Schenck has mixed
one Of your native drinks--a cobler, and
beverage to your health. Regards to Mrs.
u. and kids. VICTORIA r.
THE PRESIDENT REPLIES.
Dear Cousin Vic Il look toward you in
old bourbon. Your head is level. Have
you any moro daughters or have your
friends any! The TACT is have so man y
impecumicus relations help me out Re.
garls to Wales, and that / havn't Offices
enough to 60 round his'n.
UsEFuL GRANT.
TIE PRINCES DISPATCH.
Dearest Fred.--Ma' says we are to b.
married. Isn't it awful Jolly. Aie you a
blonde or . bruns.ts7 Do you play cro-
quot ? Ma won't let me dance round
dances. aud l do - want to learn your ma.
tive warwhsops and walk rounds. YOU
live IN . wigwam and I'm to be your
Mindshaha Won't that be prime. Come
over to see me quick. and be sure to come
in your war paint. Bring all your scalps.
! dsts on scslps and things.
BEATRICE GUELPH.
My own Persimmo on-I feel hunky dory,
glad you're ditto. Blu. bless you. I'm no
noble red man. Nary red And I'm no,
heavy on the scalp. Dad is though, you
bet; you should zee him going for fellow
tina. wont squint through his barnseles.
Scslping ain't no name for it. Won't we
have high old time. say? You don't
know what "lsw down in the TWEEN ties A"
mean. I'll show yen. Dads going to
ask Bonner to lend me Dexter when come
ever. Then Bonner will give him 10 me,
Of courss. Everybody gives Dad every
thing he wants, il they don't he geos for
them, l tell you How's Lorn aud sister
Louise? Ill shake you all up Love to the
old woman; she's q brick. and tell old
Schcnck and ysur fellows to hurry up the
cakes. kiss you for your mother.
FREDERICK.