The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1871-03-23
ODDS AND ENDS.

Az ASSp ou CcdLsh.
Waiting maids-elderly spinsters.
How was Jonah punished? Whalei.
Drawing m-aparthient of dem
tist. - = 80 ..t ,-.. I'D
Some lovers quarrels end with q
smack. .--.
A stirring adventure-brewing bowl
of punch. 'a@ Be- r"' la
Maxim-A poor man is to be avoided
lie lacks principal,
A doctors motto is supposed to be
"patients and long suffering"
What did the spider do when he came
out of the ark? He took fly and went
home.
A history of tobacco will shortly be
illustrated with fine cuts. You can buy
it if you chews.
The Bessimerprocesso Of making steel
is said to have added 81 ,o0O, ,00o, 600 to
the wealth of England.
One Of the most successful planters
in Wisconsin is a widow who has just
buried her sixth husband.
Every plain girl has one consolation-f
though not a pretty young lady, she
will, If she lives, be pretty old one.
A Vermont old man who was "geod
natured when not drunk" pointed 4
shot gun at his son. The boy responded
with rifle and became an orphan
A young lady at party on being ask
cd to favor the company with "The
Maiden's Prayer" went to the piano
and struck up 80, for MANI in an
animated manner.
a four year old in Fort Wayne, Ind,
did a clever and ingenius thing the 9TH
er day. He swallowed box of percus-
sion caps, and now he escapes the ma
ternal castigaton for fear he might go
off.
The heather Chinee is making whis-
key in California by fermenting old rice
and rubber shoes and things, and the
revenue people are after John. Tho
whiskey made this way is very much
sought after by suicides.
a youngster, while perusing chap.
ter in Genesis, turning to his mother
inquired if the people in those days used
to do sums on the ground. 1t was dis>
covered that the boy had been reading,
"And the sons Of men multiplied upon
the face Of the earth.
Which do you love best, said visitor
to little girl of seven summers, your
dolly or your kitten? The little daugh-
ter of Eve delibcrated long and earnest
ly, then whispered to her questioner:
II love kitty best, but don't you tell
dolly.'
A disguised critic, writing upon the
names and subjects chosen for some of
the would-he popular sentimental songs,
suggests, Z" Make over my trowsers for
Little Hubby,' US good name for q
song and chorus.
Lafayette, Ind, has produced the
model girl of the period. She was
twelve years old, and recently left the
family where she was ilnp.oyed because
they did not have family prayers. "A
few Indifferent articles belonging to the
family were afterwards found in her
carpet sack, such as gloves, silver spoons,
silk dresses, ribbons, breastpins, and the
like;
An eccentric minister in large par
ish, had seventeen couples to marry at
once in grand common service at the
church. In the course of the weddings
he asked one of the men to pledge him.
self to the wrong woman. The man
naturally protested, and was told:
"HoId your tongue. | will marry you
all now and here; You can sort yourselves
going home"
The ways and manners by which
printers contrive to fill out columns that
lack a line or two look odly collected as
follows. Close Observers may detect
some sound advice in all these diversi-
ties:
Look here.
Read this line.
Beware of whiskey.
Rejected lays-bad eggs.
Modesty is true poIiteness.
Patronize home institutions.
A high rent-one in your hat.
Better wear out than rust out.
A long and happy life to all, &c.
Mankind embraces womankind.
Dare to do right; dare to be true.
Profane swearing is abominable.
Pardon all men, but never thyself.
To be- continued the wet wealth
| er.
Printing Office rats are quad-ru-
peds.
When drink enters, wisdom de-
parts.
Pacific mails - hen pecked hus-
bands.
Wanted: A line to complete this
column.
How handy, sometimes, is a line
like this.
Two lines are needed to fill out this
column. Here they are.
Our devil jumped up and looked very
solemn, to set up two lines to finish this
column.
FALSE CHARITY.-Thati is a very poor
kind of charity which clears the sinner
by making light of his sin. 1t is not
uncommon to speak of swindling as an
"irregularity ~ Of gambling and drunk. :.
enness as youthful indiscretion )" of
profnnity as "flee speech ~ and licen-