Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-02-23

A bad omen-to owe men money.
A bad place to get out at-the elbow.
The best thing out-An aching tooth.
Financial strations-Drawing checks.
The height of young lady e bition-
Two little feet.
Prussia is very anxious for peace
piece of France.
A dangerous character-A man who
takes life cheerfully.
To kill ants-Hit your uncle's wife on
the head with hammer.
The favorite novel of office seekers
"Put Yourself in His Place"
'Tis sweet to court,
But, oh how bitter
To court gal
And then not git her.
1t must have been consoling for sick
soldiers on low diet in the military hospi-
tails during the late war to sing, "When
this cruel war is over, we shall meat
again."
A gentleman, in bis eagerness at the
table to answer call for some apple-pie,
owing to the knife slipping on the bot
tom of the dish found his knuckles buried
in the crust, when wag who sat oppos-
ite him very gravely observed whilst he
held his plate "Sir, I'll trouble you for a
bit while your hand is in"
A physician was going his rounds
among some smallpox patients in hos
pital, and stopping by the bedside of an
lrishman he inquired, "Wel, Pat, how
are you to-day? ?" Faith, sir, am bet
ter; but am SO wake that should not
be surprised at all if some one was to
come along to me and tell me was dead.
81 keep the best Bread" said certain
baker the other day to poor fellow who
complained of the inferior quality of the
article he had purchased of him the day
before. 81 don't doubt it." replied the
customer. "Then why do you complain 2 >
asked the baker. Because / would sug-
gest that you sell the best bread, and keep
the bad" was the reply.
An Iowa man tried to hug a neighbor's
wife, but before he got through the lady
hit him with rolling-pin and put him
out doors. The husband took a revolver
and went to the man for satisfaction, but
concluded to settle it by taking the
williams note for ten dollars which he
traded off for cernplow. The man who
holds the note can't collect if, the giver of
it claiming that he did not get the value
received. He says he will never pay that
note until he gets the balance of that hug.
"Do you know the prisoner, Mr.. Jones'
yes, to the bone" "What in bis cbsrac-
rer ?" didn't know he had any" "Does
he live near you I" $50 near that be has
-pent only one dollar for Ere-wood in
light years" "Did he ever come in col
ision with you in any matter?' "Ooly
nee, and that was when be was drunk
md mistook me for lamp post" From
,sth 2" "That depends upon circunstsn-
ses. Ii he was 20 much intoxicated that
he did not know what he was doing, /
would. If not, wouldn't.
A gentleman in passing down Maga-
zine street a few day since, was astonished
Is he went by a window to see n pair of
rosy lips suddenly pressed against the
ing unmistakabls love at him through the
window. Il was not in the nature Of man
20 resist such an appeal as this. and, liit-
ing his hat courteon.ly, he inquired-"l
oeg your pardon, but do you with TO kiss
me-" The lady had evidently been
mistaken. She mistook him for somebody
else, and fed incontineDtly from the
room. The gentleman went On his way;
but that same night was introduced to
the lady at 9 ball. It is needless to say
thew recognized each other. After the
usual courteous expressions of first &C.
a quaintance, the gentleman inquired, 1t
the lady was fond of kissing. "Ob, not
At all" she said, "but my lips are very
feverish, and of cold mornings some
times press them against the window
panes to chill them"