The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-07-07
soIssoRINGs.

: Inc qneerest thing In papers
curls.
A constant gleaner-the tax-gath-
erer.
A settled thing-a cup of good cof-
fee.
What dress is most durable? A
habit. .esar@ ~ - lAz-@ =
A bird ofsIl omen-a swallow Of
brandy. #S N#z#4 SS
The Oldest woman,s club-the
broomstick.
How to set along well-have it
dug deep.
a broker is always trying to make
things whole.
A drawing-room-th apartments
of dentist. -
An eclips of the son-cut off with
out penny.
Ahigh iointaffair Rheumatism in
the shoulder.
What is the greatest want of the
aSe?-want of funds.
A good way to expand your chest
carry big heart in it.
Company Notwithstanding the
servants before your party.
How to fnd steady employment-
get inside the State prison.
Why is thunderstorm like an on
ion?-because it is peal on peal.
Is molasses good for cough? It
ought to be; it is sold for consump-
ton. .
1t has been said that pantaloons
obtained on credit, are 'breeches of
trust
Itisat the approach of dinner-time,
that we feel most sensibly the emp
tiness of things below.
Why are poor relations like fits of
the gout? Because the oftener they
come the longer they stay.
Glory is we'll enough for rich
man. but it is of very little conse-
quence to q poor man with large
family.
When shall a man dine? Diogenes
answered the question thus: If rich,
when he likes, if poor. when he can.
JEFF, why am yon hike de cedar?'
4 guys it up, Sam; I can't tell ye.'
Case We stays green both summer
and winter.
The Providence Journal saps poverty
IS blessing. Itcertainly very close
ly resembles blessing inasmuch as
it 'brightens as it departs.
The language of flowers: We often
hear of the spink Of propriety.p Can
we not with equal propriety speak of
the .he-lack of truth?,
Water viii make mans boots
tight. We have seen a good many
young men tight IN their boots lately.
They must have been out in the
damp. -
Henry Ward Beecher thinks the
weather has much to do with a mans
religion, as many eopls pray during
a thunder storm who never think of
it on a sunshiny day.
Development OF species,' said an
old bill-discount, don't talk to me
about development of species. The
only thing worth studying is the de-
VeiOpment OF specie
Josh Billings says flies have big
appetite for getting into things; they
are the fust at the dinner table, and
alwuz take soup, and don't leave un-
til the cloth is removed.
A good book and good woman,
are excellent things for those who
know how justly to appreciate their
value. There are men however, |
who judge from the beauty of their
covering.
An old lady observing sign over
a tailoring establishment, bearing the
inscription, Fountain of Fashion,
exclaimed: fAh, that must be the
place where the squirts come from.
a lawyer in New Orleans, seeking
to impeach testimony of witness,
said: eAre you not in the habit of
drinking? Sure, yer Honor, II
would choke, else,' was the prompt
response. T8ye ~
A college student being examined
in Locke, where he speaks of our re-
lations to the Deity, was asked what
relation do we most neglect? He an
swered with much simplicity, Poor
relations, SIR
A tanner having married the daugh-
ter of butcher, the bells were rung
in honor of. the occasion. 1t was
asked what the bells were ringing
for. Only a union between skin and
bone, was the answer.
When man is unable to tell the |
time by his watch, because there are
two hands, and he doesn't know
which -ter-be-lieye' it is a tolerable
sure sign that he has partaken of
more refreshments than nature re-
quires.
An Elmira farmer wrote to Mr..
Greeley for his advice as to whether
plaster was good to put on potatoes.
Horace said he always used gravy or
butter on potatoes, but supposed any
one could get accustomed to plaster
it they made an effort.
a coat cleaned, secured and
pressed for 81 > is an announcement
often to be seen at basement steps.
TO cap this, a humorous drunkard
IN the fourteenth ward says that he
has never been cleaned and secured,
but is frequently pressed for 81.
Study to be more consistent in prin-
cipie, and more uniform in. practice,
and your peace will lie more unbrokcn.