The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-03-16
WIT AND HUMOR.


not talk. Their mouths will do well
enough as banks Of deposit, but not
of issue.
The Oregon News has local edi
tor who deserves promotion. Hear
him: "People may say and think
what they please about it, but we no.
ticed it particularly, and know that it
was the young mans pocket handker.
chief that was seen dangling under his
coat-tail at the lecture the other night"
AN Irish boy, trying hardNto get
a place, denied that he was Irish. II
don't know what you meansby not!be-
ing an Irishman," said the'genteman
who was about to hire him; "but this
| do know, that you weresborn in. Ire
land" "Och! your honor, if that's
all, small blame to that Supposdyour
old cat had kittens in the oven, would
they be called loaves of bread ?" The
boy got the place.
AT Oxford, some twenty years ago,
u tutor in one OF the colleges limped in
his walk. Stopping one day last sum.
mer at a railroad station, he was &C.
costed by a we'll known politician, who
recognized him, and asked him if he
was not the chaplain,ati, the..college at
such time, naming the year. The
doctor replied that he was. ~ was
there" said the interrogation, "and /
knew you by your limp" "Well,"
said the doctor, ''it seems that my
limping made deeper impression on
you than my preaching" "Ah, doc.
tor" was the reply, with ready wit, "it
is the highest compliment we can pay
to say that he is known by
his walk rather than by his converse.
tion."
Recently love-sick swain was
paying court to his dulcinea She had
smuggled him into the parlor, and the
darkness only served to conceal her
bushes while John told the story of
his love. The muttered words reached
the parental ear, and coming suddenly
into the room he demanded to know Of
Mary who it was she had with her.
ats the cat, sir" was the mumbling
reply. "Drive it out of here" thur.
dered pateramilias. "Scat!' screamed
Mary, and then soto voce: ("John,
meaow little.") John set up waiuS
yowl. "That cats got cold" re-
marked the parent. John yowled
louder than ever. "Confound it
bring a light and scare the thing out"
This was too much, and John made q
leap for the window, carrying glass
and frame with him. "Thunde-! what
a eat!'" said the parent, contemplating
the ruin after the light was brought;
II never saw anything like it, and, con-
found it, its tail is made out of broad
cloth," as he viewed futtering rem
nant hanging from the window.
Not to be Outdone.-A very pious
and jealous Chaplain of Confederate
regiment called on Colonel not par
noted for moral observation,
in order to talk about the religious in
terest of his men. The Chaplain was
politely received and requested to be
seated on camp-stool.
81 believe, Colonel" said he, "that
you have one Of the finest regiments in
the service"
"Yes, l think l have" said the COL
onel.
"Well, do you pay much attention
to the religious instruction Of your
menY'
"Not much; very little is said about
the Scriptures in the drill.book."
"Well, I just called to mention the
fact that in the 18th regiment the Lord
hath blessed our labors wonderfully"
and ten have already been baptized.
(This was rival regiment.)
us that so, pom henor?' asked the
Colonel.
Sargent" said the Colonel, calling
to the orderly, "havs fifteen men de.
tailed Immediately to be baptized
I'll be id il that ar 18th regiment
can outdo us in that respect"
The Chaplain took occasion to bid
the Colonel good day, and left.
job No. "A certain good-na.
tured old Vermont farmer preserved
his constant good nature, let what
would turn up. One day one Of his
men came in, bringing the news that
one Of his red oxen was dead. "Is
be ?" said the old man. "Well, he al.
ways was a breechy cuss! Take his
hide off and send it down to Fletcher q
it will bring the cash" An hour OF
SO aferward the man came back with
the news that "Lineback" and bis mate
were both dead care they p said the