The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-12

In trOuOle ABOUT MS nose. SOme tn1ngS 40 at.
tract dies:
For example of perseverance commend us to
fly. Bees are all right in the busy line, but
for clear, sheer, NHsdulterated perseverance,, fly
10 good health can just skunk any other living
thing To light five hundred times in succession
On the same place on mans nose, and dodge q
slap every time, is what any fly of the most mod
crate ability can do, ut any time he has mind
to, and when a fly of talent undertakes job of
that kind, one may as we'll quietly submit and
let him roost where he wants tn Just as long as
he pleases, because he will do it finally if it takes
him all summer.
Mendoza is public spirited. Her people have
dismantled school house and converted it into a
city hall, at cost of $500. A block of ground
has been purchased to be converted into public
park. There is also talk Of buying hand organ
to furnish the city with free music.
A blind nan in Hawaii is trying to win wife
by playing on a tin whistle in the streets. Love
is often binder than that
For instance, young chaps spending all they
earn on livery rigs to take their gals out riding,
or to balls and operas. No girl of sense is ever
caught in that way.
The Lacon Statesman gets off a pretty good one
on La Sale, in this way:
A Chicago runner" who was returning from
three months trip west, got as far back az La
Sale, on the midnight train, and was awakened
from his long nap by the stopping of the train.
On getting upon his feet, he was observed to take
one long 6reatt, and grabbing his satchel, broke
Tor the door. The conductor, knowing his des-
tination, told him not to get off, as the train
would stop but a moment. "Look a here, con.
dctr," was the reply, "Im little t-t-tght, but I
know, w-w'wen I'm--in Chicago" "This ia La
Salle!' roared the conductor. "La--. think
my nose eoer aoent back on me-t.t.teN the Chicago
ricer, ec''y n.ne!"
The Polo Press says the croquet epidemic 10
raging fearfully down there. The young ladies
are not aulo to help the "old woman" wash up
the supper.dishes
Mr. Buster is an opponent of free schools from
principle He goes "agin education" not be.
cause OF its unconstitutionality but because it is
unnatural. Ignorance is 'natur," he says, We
are born ignorant and ought to be kept so.-Er-
hdnge.
Mr. Buster should come to OTTAWA We have
school board exactly after his own heart.
1t is not in the manufacture of shaving sosp
or the celebrated cast-iron dentifrice that Schuy.
Ter Colfa1 proposes to engage at South Bend, a.
enormously stated in our last The article the
company he has organized propose to manufac.
ture is non.explosive medicated point lace
shawls. He will not consent to be candidate.
&C.. &c.
The Rockford Register grows sentimental a.
follows:
Viewing the bosom Of Elizabeth Lake at sun.
Use and sunset is gratifying and glorious; and
disport on it in undress is supreme luxury,
The question is, who is Elizabeth Lake and
are they married?
Here is piece of advice by an exchange
which We cordially endorse and reiterate Tor the
benefit Of whom it may concern:
1t you are tired of life, don't cut your throat
1T muses. the foor. Just come into this Office "A
canvasser for Shakespeare in three hundred
monthly parts. The cares of living will not
trouble you any more.
An exchange says the proper thing is to ''throw
boquet and card of thanks to sereunders whom
you cannot invite them in But when Won
wouldn't invite them in if you could, a pail OF
water or u brick bat will generally bring relief.
According to the internal revenue assessors
report, says the Carlyle Union, there Is not .
man Or woman in Clinton county Ill.,, who hid
An income of over $4,000 last ,e.,. Yet there
are plenty OF "wesl'hy" people in the county
The editor of the II wan. Rreeiue having been
called An ASS, wants t" kiss him for his
mother He ought 70 hr p.skrd
The Sycamore Republican, correct. n r.por,
that the weeds are twen,, feet hi. n on IN. Fair
ground trotting track, T.! .t.,,n, tina, th.y AR.
not more than half thu, height,
A man near Rock Island, IN digging "A we'll,
struck on IN ox.yoke ahou, ,wr n,y feet from tn.
surface. The Argus says the cattle h.v. no,
turned up yet.
mere may be something in name for the
very polite Boston paper. call their Founding
Asylum Refuge for Anonymou. Infants. !"
A while Chicago, with the most finished etiouet,o
IA announces a "Ranch for babies born on tina En-.
Rpean plan"
~ na curious fact ths, during the rav,ves ~
Sl"goe IN Buenos Ayte.. nearly depopuls ~
10y, not one ct the three hundred aud ri y ~
VgRers employed died OF the fever 4
vemptian has been frequently noticed in
Figgers of cholera ,ime..-Ex.
wise arrangements Of nature. How