The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-10-13
Unhappy Marriages.


But what shall we do about it? Must
people unhappily married live on in
remediless misery? Must man be for
ever chained to Nantippe? Must 9
woman always endure a man who is q
petty tyrant? These are questions which
some social reformers are asking ve'
hemently lust now Let us loose these
bonds and let these chained people GO
What right has the law, civil or moral,
to bind people in living death ? Let
people live together who love, and let
people who do not love 60 free.
This surely seems very simple rene
dy, very easily applied. But it is a
remedy after all? Will either of these
unhappily married people be any hap
pier if they are separated? You have a
husband or wife who makes you
exceedingly unhappy. Will divorce
relieve you? You carry still the memory
Of the unhappiness, the sense OF disap-
pointment, the fatal and terrible blight
with you. VIII not a separation aggra-
yate your misery? And if one OF the
two might be happier by a divorce,
there would be no aggregate increase OF
happiness. If you have made mistake
N marriage, it is your mistake. If you
are not happy, your companion surely
is not And you have no right now to
blight and blast the life of another I'M
fortunate by separation, making mat
tiers tenfold worse than they are.
People who are unhappily married
are not likely to remarry happily. IT
there are tempers that have spoiled the
trst marriage, there is no prospect of a
better fate in second marriage. To
these evil tempers there is added the
shamefaced recollection Of marriage
bond to one who is yet living, and the
humiliation and dishonor of divorce.
For marriage is in its very nature indis'
soluble There can not be re-marriage
while a former husband or wife lives,
without a hopeless deflemept of the
souls purity, d bunting and blurring of
the very sense of purity itself.
If there are children, the case is
worse. He who is father indeed, would
endure any unhappiness rather than
subject his children to the modification
and decentralization of divided filial
affection and conflicting allegiance to
father and mother. In such case,
divorce and re.marriage is confusion,
destruction, death.
We know that it seems hard for those
who sit down in loving homes TO advise
those who sit in the shadow of this death
10 endure it. But there is no other way
than to endure it. We are not speaking
of those cases of brutality or tiendish-
ness in which separation becomes neces-
sary. But of these continual droppings
and perpetual "rainy days" Of bicker-
ing and dissension, Of those sudden and
fierce storms that sweep through some
unhappy households. No separation on
account of incompatiblity of temper
can do any good.
Part OF the unhappiness in any family
may be cured by any husband or wife.
A bad temper is as much a misfortune as
a sin. 1t is born with some people, and
they ale no more responsible for its pos
session than for splay foot or squirt
eye. We do not say that 1t may not be
controlled. But we do say that your
husband or wife is only partly to be
blamed for an i'll temper or q selfish dis
position. What is not matter for cen
sure is matter for pity. If you can
come to treat the unfortunate member
of the house as unfortunate, you will
get your reward, at least in your own
peace of mind. Make up your mind to
cure all you can Of the unhappiness in
your household, and patiently to en-
dure the rest. Every one has some
burden to bear Yours may be heavy.
But there are others also who bear
heavy burdens. The worse termagant
we ever knew had also generous quail
ties. And she married husband who
knew how to bear, to be patient, to con-
duer by patience. That she will ever be
otherwise than troublesome we doubt.
But she is utterly devoted to her hus
band. She regards his conquest of her
as little less than miraculous. We have
seen him under vexations, but one
word in any way censuring his wife we
have never heard escape his lips, and
we do not believe she had ever heard
such a word. He has his reward in q
measure of happiness where less
patent man would have had only un.
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