Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1871-06-15
Wit and Wisdom.
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..


THE happiest age for young women
Marriage; at least, so they think.
II twice eleven are invent two, how
can twice ten be twenty tool
A GOLDFISH breakfast and an India
rubber coat will keep a man dry all day.
How to get the exact weight of fish
Weigh him in his own scales.
Why is the sun like good loaf Be-
cause it's light when it rises.
MISSING men are sometimes found
drowned, but many men are found round
who are not missing.
A WITNESS in case of assault and
battery, when asked what he said, re
piled g said to him, with the toe OF
my boot, Go home ,"
AN Irishman upon seeing 4 squirrel
shot from tree, said: Faith, and
that's a waste of powder. The fallitself
would have killed the squirrel. "
THE whale fisheries used to be called
the nursery of American seamen, but
owing to the diminution of blubber the
term is no longer appropriate y.
Vorid.
A CHINESE photographer San Fran
cisco, being upbraided by lady Gus
toner because the pictures didn't suit
her, briefly replied: "No half hand
some how canl"
Prompt and practicsl-Revered
stranger" Ny good man, can you tell
me the nearest way to the cathedral y"
Scotch cabby-" Jist inside this cab
here, sir "-Puach
spa, is Pennsylvania the father of
all the other states y Certainly not,
my child why do You ask that ques
tionf" Because, see all the news
papers cali it Pa
WANTED-A cover for bare suspicion,
veil for the face of nature, buttons
for breaches of privilege, binding for
volumes of smoke, cement for broken
engagements.
A WE'LL known clergyman wittily re-
marked one evening, that in trying to
gain two seconds in getting on and off
trains many men had secured widows
their thirds.
A YANKEE in England being annoyed
/ by the constant Boosting as to the su-
| periority of English girls, finally 81
fenced laudation by declaring that
"they had gal in Boston only IL
years old, who could chew gum i'll seven
different languages with her eyes shut. "
"PADDr, my boy said gentleman
to an Irishman, whom he observed
fishing away at deep pool, "that
must be favorite stream for trout
Faith an sure it must be that same,
for | have been standing here this three
hours, and not one of EN- will come out
of it..
'LEAvE you, my friend" said
demoralized rooster, clinging to lamp
post on dark night, ''leave you in a
condition not to take care of yourself2
Hic, new" OF boy, nev,.'
NEWTON, Ct, cannot have its high
school any too soon. A pupil being
asked what a. m. stood for, responded
with alacrity, ''Amen."
A VERY particular swain in Hunting.
ton sent in his marriage to the paper
with the addition, ono cardamons."
He said he despised abbrevatians.
A YOUNG Philadelphian, threatened
with breach of promise suit, says
"sue away; contracts made on Sunday
amt legal"
A HUMOROUS apothecary in Boston
exposes a cake of soap in his shop win
dow, with the pertinent inscription,
Cheaper than dirt
A SCHOOL MASTER thus describes
money-lender: "He serves you in the
present tense; he lends you in the con-
ditional mood; keeps you in the sub
junctive; and ruins you in the future"
AN Irish gentleman hearing of
friend having a stone coffin made for
himself, exclaimed: ''By me sowl and
that's good idea. Sure an stone one
nd last man a lifetime
Two well-dressed ladies we're examin-
ing a statuette of Andromeda labeled
Executed in terra Gotta" Says one,
Where is that ~ I'm sure l don't
knew, " returned the other, "but Ipity
the poor girl wherever it was. "
| A SooTCHMANs definition of metaphy-
sizes when the folks what listen,
dinna ken the meaning o what they hear,
and when the mon who speaks dinna
ken what he means his ain sci, that's
meetatisicks.
A CooKNEy tourist met with Scotch
lassie going barefoot towards Glasgow.
"Lassie, said he, 4 should like to
know if all the people in this part go
harefooted2" Part Of 'em do, and
the rest of 'em mind their own bust
ness, was the rather settling reply.
A YOUNG married lady being applied
to for situation by servant girl, she