Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-03-21
LsG21cTt for HeG221O2'IStS.

Theory may be all very well, but young doc
tors and lawyers always prefer practice.
Dodge clubs are becoming fashionable in our
large cities. The members dodge their cred
itors.
''The opinions of the press of North Caro-
lima are called by a local paper "spirits Of tur-
pentlne
A graveyard inscription in Kentucky, reads
shus: Poor Joe bis head is level now; it
never was before. :"
IF the ladies lace their waists somewhat
tight, gentlemen often get their whole bodies
in that condition.
A countryman, in short discourse on love,
says: 1T does pear like the girls go halfway,
but pears like team Of oxen couldn't draw
'em t'other half.''
In proof that all who belong to secret soci-
cites are not wide awake chaps, it is put down
for fact, that when you come across sleepy
head, he is a nod fellow.
The editor of the Barnstabe Patriot having
received bank-note detector, returns thanks,
and modestly asks for some bank-notes upon
which to test its accuracy.
A newspaper reporter told of the twin ro-
SEES of health and beauty" on the Ebony face''
OF the bride. He meant bonny. unless he had
been too industriously interviewing some Be-
niface.
A Western editor going home late, saw "a
young lady and gentleman holding gate on its
hinges. They were evidently indignant at be-
ing out SO late, and we saw them bite each 9TH
er several times. y
You must have lived here a long time
said travelling Engllshman to an old Oregon
pioneer. Yes, sir, have. Do you see that
mountain? Well, when came here that noun
tain was a hole in the ground |"
An enterprising farmer, always on the look
out for information regarding his profession,
seeing a work advertised under the title of
Rain on the Mown Grass, sent for it, and
found it was a volume of sermons.
No man ever took his place in the BARRIERS
chair who was not Informed by the barber that
We will have rain soon, or that the weather
would soon be pleasanter. The reason of this
is, that barber is professional bayrum-eter.
An actor, with very homely phiz, was once
acting Mithridates when a beautiful captive
said to him My lord, you change your coun-
tenance. Hook, who was in the pit, excIaim-
ed: Don stop him. don't stop him For
heaven sake let him ~
A deputation of the Maine Legislature. on
visit to the Insane Asylum at Augusta, while
walking through the corridors, were greeted by
one of the inmates, who was peering through
the gratines Of cell door, with-''Well, I de-
clare, if here amt the animals from Noah s
Ark p
The following words actually formed the Pc
roration of the c0unsel's plea for bis client in
az ASSAULT aad battery case IN Athens, Ala =
LET the humble ass crop the thistle of the
~ a ~,
mountains brow, but, gentlemen of the jury,
say JOIN Guudle is not guilty."
A little negro boy atthe South had lust been
equipped with new suit of clothes, the first
he ever had in his life Next morning he ap-
peared with one leg of the trowsers ripped up
from the shoe to the waistband On being
asked how it happened, he answered 'Please
ma am, wanted to hear it fopF'
We all remember The story of Mary's little
lamb. It has assumed many forms, but we
have never before read the Germanic version
OF 1t. Ii is thrilling, interesting and life like :
Marys cot Won leetle scheep,
His vlece vas vite as vhool, .s-
and every blaze where Marys bin,
Dat leetle scheepe has been come, too.
A Washington school-boy has grievance
and writes about it to the Star thus: 'sWheE
boy goes to School In the morning an Forgits
Hast to do it in School an if he does his teach
er lakes his knife away from him Then he
goes home Ar tells his Father an he makes q
fus. But he never gets his Knife.
A clergyman having called up class of girls
aud boys, began with one of the former, In
these words. My dear child, tell me who
made your vile body" She had no idea of the
question applying to anything beyond her per-
sonal appearance, and dropping a quick cour-
tesy, replied PLEASE, sir, mother made the
body, but l made the skirt"
At debating society not far from here when
the subject of Columbus vs.. Washington was
being dissected, an advocate of Columbus, on
the side of discovery, &C., euphonicay utter
ed: columbia reaches from the e-fettered
lakes OF the North to the febrile waves of Aus
trallan seas, comprising the vast interim of FIVE
billions of acres, whose alluVial plains, roman
TIC mountains, and mystic rivers, rival the
widest Utoplan dreams that ever gathered
around the inspired bard as he walked the am
aranthIne promenade of Hesperian gardens
On the previous week, on the question of
Art vs.. Nature, youth remarked that the
Mammoth caravan in Kentucky, is the great
est living curiosity, and has been exploded ten
miles from its mouth.
A certain merchant in Austria was recently
met at the door of bis store by an honest-look-
!
Ing Frenchman, an entire stranger to him, who
asked credit for barrel of -four Il can pay
half re cash down and re balance next Satur-
day, sure. The merchant, without hesitation,
turned to one of his clerks and, with kindly
smile on the wOuld-be owner of the barrel of
flour, said This good man wants to get
trusted for barrel Of flour; he'll pay half
down and the rest next Saturday. I'll risk
him he's good as gold; open fresh barrel !;
weigh out half, deliver it in good shape at his
house, put the barrel away safely, and take it
down next Saturday when he pays the rest ):
never refuse to trust an honest-looking man
for bread. - 1t was done; the money was paid
and the French gentleman departed, rejoicing
in an abundance Of flour and unlimited credit.
The editor of Western paper has been I'D
IN the country trouting, and is responsible for
this hsh story: A jovial old gentleman whom
We met IN our travels, told story to illustrate
the number OF fishermen uponfhe streams
a lew days ago, he said, i was crossing a
pridge over swift river, when heard my name
called. looked around to see who SPOKE
No person was In sight, and [ was about to
pass on. when my eye fell upon are6trout
standing upon his tail in the river. looking as
it be had spoken to me. Did you sneak. Mr.
Trout?' said L II did, SIR said he, II
wish to inquire if this is the way to R;ct fara,s
Mill p 1T is, said l. Amt there an <|= Sc
er route?" Guess not, y said unless ycuseo
by land. Why do you ask?' Because f6e
river is so full Of these fsh-hooks that I can
never get up this wayr