The Van Buren press., 1871-10-10


liet, give them no vegetables TODD, but
give them, say a peck of Silk worms a
lay. mixed with coloring matter, as Co.
clinical. Madder, Indigo, or Lamp-black,
according to the hue Of silk which you
wont to rear. Food makes Blood, Blood
makes Lite, and how can Merino
Sheep produce Wool without Life2 how
have Life without Foodp
WHAT ARE WORMS
but foods' Sir, was convinced of the
of the view held by this slo
venly scoundrel. l went to Summit, and
to sum it up looked those devoted sheep
up 10 q barn, gave them two hundred
pecks Of silkworms which cost me $50 a
peck, and went away for drive With
Farwell, my old friend, telling
my farmer not to let the sheep out on any
account. Political matters kept my mind
so occupied ter several days that for
got all about tho sheep, until yesterday
when what had done flashed across my
mind. mounted my horse and spprred
him like the wind to my farm, but wai
too late. When I got there the cupboard
was bare. III be id, sir, if the sheep
hadn't all died, and the worms had kept
them company, and was 837 600 out on
the transaction. HI Of lot the ven
erabl murderer knows about farming
Farm the devils grandmother
Here Mr. Wentworth paused, over
come by his emotions, and it was some
time ere he could proceed, in broken
voice, as follows:
"Misfortunes, d--n it, never comes
singly. He had
BLlGuTED MY MUTTON CROP,
now he went for my unofrending ROOT
crops. had a field of potatoes-Hog
eyed Early Russets; there were nine
acres Of them. producing III
bushels to the acre, worth Sll7,O00
Said that pensivs old horss-thief to me
John, We do not give our Growing Crops
enough Sunshine. Sunshine and Air will
be more effectual and less expensive than
Manure. Take my advice, and dig up
all yonr Potatoes and plant them with
the tops down That's what we call Top.
dressing. Now, the Potrtoes being ex'
posed to the beneficial influence of Sun
and Wind, will fatten earlier than by tho
old way. Besides, you can gather then
moro easily than you had to dig then
out Of the ground, always remembering
to leave one potato in each hill as a nes
egg Well, sir, l followed his advice
implicitly or course, the crop is ruined
but never mind, never mind"
Those were. indeed, unpleasant expe
riences. Mr. Wentworth, but"
"But the half Of it has not been told
my dear sir. do not wish to inaict my
grievance upon you
THE YIENp1sH MIscREANr
induced me, under fraudulent pretenses
TO buy STAN plow, and the throttle valve
got out Of order, and although my plow
man told it to whoa, to gee, and to haw
the id thing ran, end on. through thu
went IN the bay.wlndow
plowed furrow two feet deep through
the floor, and issued through the wall Al
the rear. The driver was killed and the
house knocked down, and the internal
thing ran into the school house at Sum
nlt, and exploded there The sexton has
been at work night and day getting mp q
stock Of pony graves; but never mind
never mind The end Of it all, to make
, long story short, is, that am ruined
man"
"But Mr. Wentworth, the grsat and
good Greeley 10 n man Of warm heart
and charitibe impulses. Knowing him
self to he the innocent cause Of your
be will doubtless come ia
your assistance, and you may be happy
yet"
Nh. Wentworth smiled bitter smile
and handed our reporter an opened telc'
gram, which read as follows:
"OsHKosH, WIS, Sept IA, 1871.
Long John Wentworth, Chicago:
"D-n you, take an eight cylinder
press and 60 West You don't pillow
deep enough. Get 3 few more wives
(Sig) "HoRAcE GREELEY"
20 collect 100
Our reporter read and copied the tele
gram; then amiatly punching Mr. Went
worth
IN THT RIBS
with his pencil, said:
"What do you think OF Mr.. Greeley
chances for the Presidency ....
Mr. Wentworth burst into a torrent o
profanity Of such violence that in thre'
minutes the room was flooded, and thu
bell boys and reporter had to climbup OF
chairs and window seats to avoid being
swept away.
Greeley for the Presidency! Th'
devil for the Presidency! Greeley Pres
;dent; that tow headed, chuckle pated
morning. free loving, protectionist sol
Of pig iron foundry; that bland. muck
minded. solvenly cross between a yam
and a cylinder press Never, by tn,
great jumping ten toed Jehosaphat, If
have TO
KILL HIN MYSELF.
I'll bolt and run on the independen
ticket IL they do. Greeley-oh. by al
the angel worms in a compost heap, thi'
is too much Hero he rang the bell vic
lcntly] Gaceley. mulching muddlc heat
of Chappaquan, I'll here the bell hoy
entered. Pistols, pistols, at once. anc
hot do you here ~
The boy answered, "Pistols, sir2 Yes
SIR" and withdrew.
Our reporter, gathering from Mr.
w entworth's casual hints that he hat
nothing further to communicate. politel,
h,t frr,lv not out NJ the window anC