The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-11-14
Il i NOR o US ! I i N S
eey> How many peas are there in "a
pint Only one p, surely

f'"N' D"'J N"S ~ ouiSiJ
Bas- What is the difference between
an oyster and chicken One is best
right out of the shell, and the other isn't.
GsS~ A Wisconsin man reported that
he couldn't find word in the dictionary,
because " the blasted book hadn't got an
index"
1o p65~ Leta young woman take the de-
gree of a. B., that is, bride, and shs
may hope in due time to be entitled to
that of A. M 11 e.
DsS~ Thou rainest in my BOSOM" as
the chap said when bpsiu of water was
thrown over him by the lady he was SER
enading. "i."tto
1e5~ An lliterate farmer, wishing to
enter some animals at an agricultural ex-
hibtion, wrote to the secretary as follows:
g Also enter me for the best jackass,
am sure Of taking the premium"
ReD" An old railspitter in Indiana put
a qutetus upon young man who chaffed
him abont his bald head, in these words:
Young man, when my head gets as soft
as yours, | can raise hair to SELL
Bf35- A quarrelsome couple were discus
sing the subject of eptaphs and tomb
stones and the husband said: Nv dear
what kind of stone do you suppose they
will give me when / die q :. Birthstone
my love y was the atfectionate reply.
psy'" A son Of Erin just arrived in this
land Of plenty, being in want, was told,
by a person to whom he applied for aid,
to 20 to h---l, generally considered
very warm region. Civility indade,"
said Pat, "to invite me to your fathers
house"
Bay" A man who had just bought new
watch ofa dealer was wondering how he
should know if it run exactly right:
Oh said the salesman who was an
Irshman. "'ll write you the exact
time every Monday noon and thin YOU
can set your watch by my letter."
Begn An Iri hman writing from Phia-
delphia the other day to his friends in
the old country, concluded his letter
thus If iver it's my forchune to live
till dy-and Gud nos whether it is so or
no I'll visit ould Ireland aiore leave
Philadelphy."
Bag-" Josh, does the sun never rise in
the West Z"
Never !"
Never you don't say sol Well, you
won't catch me emigrating West if it is
always night there I've cousin who is
always boasting how pleasant it is to be
in that region; but it must be all moon
shine"
G63~ A little iveycar.old boy was
being instructed in morals by his grand
mother The old lady told him that all
such terms as " by golly," by jingo,"
= by thunder" &c, were only little oaths
and but little better than other profanity.
In fact, she said, you could tell a pro!ane
oath by the prefix by" All such we're
oaths. Well, then, grandmother" said
the little hopeful, is by telegraph
which | see in the newspapers, swearing?"
" No." said the old lady, that's only ly-
ing"
BGs- An exchange tells us that ga
young lady at the Ohio camp meeting
asked the prayers of the assembly because
she could not set her eyes upon certain
young man in her neighborhood without
feeling as though she must hug him to
death" If we were that young man in
her neighborhood we would 90 to her and
assume an air of severity, combined with
resignation, and say to her " Young
woman it is wrong for you to have such
an inclination as that-very wrong and
you ought to try to break yourself of it."
And then VIC should tell her that it might
perhaps cure her if she found that the
victim didn't die, and that she had better
take us and try the experiment for her
self and see how useless it was to attempt
to kill young man in that manner.