The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1871-08-31
PEN AND SCISSORS.

To remove stains from character
get rich.
"In what color should secret be
kept? In violet"
Young folks grow most when in
love. 1t increases their signs Won
derfnlly.
Many man thinks it virtue that
keeps him from turning a rascal,
when its only full stomach.
When has a man a right to scold
his wife about his coffee ? When he
has sufficient grounds.
A foreigner hoped that if that was
a Fourth of July, heaven would deli
yer him from the other three-quarters.
The Attorney General has decided
that nothing can be printed on
stamped envelopes but the simple
request to return.
The chaplain of the Iowa State
prison was asked by a friend how
his Pensioners were. GAIL under
conviction was the reply.
A New York paper speaks of a
popular steamship commander as a
working old SALT" and tho New Or
leans Times wonders if he beats old
epson"
A line in Moore's song reads thus:
"Our couch shall be roses bespangled
with dew" To which sensible girl
replied, "Twould give me the rheu-
matiz, and so it would you"
At recent wedding Rhinebeck,
as the clergyman reached that part
of the ceremony, 81 now pronounce
you" fish peddler in the street
shouted "bull-heads ! bull-heads !"
to the CONSERVATION Of some and the
amusement of others On the occasion.
A young married lady being ap>
piled to for a situation by servant
girl, she asked: "Why did you leave
your last placer" "Why, you see,
ma am" replied the girl, 81 was too
good-looking, and when I opened the
door the gentlemen took me for the
misses"
"Does your officiating clergyman
preach the Gospel, and is his con-
versation and carriage consistent
Herewith !" was a circular from
bishop to churchwarden of his do
cese. A veteran near by replied:
'He breaches the Gospel, but does
not keep a carriage"
At a social party, where humorous
definitions was one of the games of
the evening, the question was put,
"What is religion?" "Religion," re-
piled one of the party, more famous
as a man of business than wit, "is in
surance against fire in the next world,
for which honesty is the best policy"
The Louisville Journal, alluding
to the report that Alexander H.
Stephens had gained nine pounds
since he was last weighed, remarked
that he must have had one of his
editorials in his pocket; whereupon
Aleek retorts: eff the Journal edi-
tor should put one of has editorials in
his pocket, he'd go ur like balloon"
The new Odd Fellows Temple at
Cincinnati, now in course of erection,
will cost about $4,000. 1t will be
four stories high, of the Victorian
gothic style of freestone, SO by 100
feet. The first floor will be prepared
for stores, the second for offices, and
the third and fourth Tor the uses of
the Order.
Many of our readers will under
stand and be interested in the fol-
lowing from the Brownsville Ran
chero:
President Serna with 1000 men,
is besieged in the town of Totonica-
pan by 1900 rebels and 5000 In
dians. An engagement took place
at Laguna SEGA between Barrios and
Calonga; the latter is a supporter of
Serna. The rebels have been victo-
rious everywhere. Granados has
been declared provisional President.
Barrios after several days of desper>
ate fighting occupied Quesaltnango,
the capital of Palo Alto. The Serna
government will end with the fall of
Totonicapan.
An exchange says: The unpleas-
ant odor produced by perspiratiOn is
frequently the source of vexatiOn to
persons who are subject to it. Moth.
ing is simpler than to remove this
odor more effectually than by the ap-
plication of such costly perfumes and
ungents as are now in use. 1t is
only necessary to procure some of
the compound spirits of ammonia,
and place about two tablespoonful
in a basin of water. Washing the
face, hands and arms with this,
leaves the skin as sweet and clean as
one could wish. The wash is per-
feetly harmless, and very cheap. 1t
is recommended on the authoritv of