Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-04-25
-Las2acge for Hat2saor6sts.

Something about women-Aounces.
The only real Ku-Clucks-our old hens.
The hire cass-laborers; the lore class
scholars.
''Grandma, said sbrewd child, do you
want some candy?' Eyes, dear, should like
some.'' Then If you'll buy some I'll give
you half" said Polly.
The Chicago Tribune plaintively says: ''In
comparatively few years, the quail and the
prairie chicken will be matter of history. p
1t is to be hoped they will die game.
A wag purchased a very fine horse. Re
turning from a ride a few days afterwards, he
said he had discovered quality in his animal
which added few pounds to his valne-"he
SHE'D at a lawyer"
AT GAINESVILLE, Ohio, child got into row
with its father, when it ran to its mother for
protection. The father caught il by the legs,
and the mother held on to its arms, and the
undertaker's name was Smith.
Servant looks into the breakfast room, and
says-'Please, madame, there's beggar In
the kitchen wants something to eat 2
Mistress-"Give her the water in which the
eggs were boiled, Bridget; it is quite nutri-
tious"
A New Hampshire man, when asked to give
his consent to the marriage Of his daughter,
turned with beaming countenance to the ap-
plicant and answered frankly: Yes, yes; and
dOn't you know some likely young man who
will take the other p
An exchange says: Massachusetts, house
wives make the best Of pickles" Perhaps on
the score OF acidity they might do very well,
but We should think the size of such pickles
would be rather Objectionable. Give US Gu
cumbers instead.
The balmy zepbyrs, and the moist atmos-
phere of the past two diurnal periods, have
gently dssipated the crystallized liquid forma-
tons, which have of late rendered locomotion
hazardous in our thoroughfares. That's the
short Boston style of saying the mud is drying
up.
A Kansas editor says: 1--WE don't want to
insinuate anything against anybody, but after
having watched the course of the member of
Congress from this district for several years,
we feel bound to say that, in our opinion, Clay,
Calhoun and Webster, were greatly overrated
men.
'Ticket sir. said railroad conductor pass
ing through one of the trains the other day, to
a passenger My face is my ticket" replied
the other little vexed. Indeed" said the
conductor, rolling back his wristband and dis
playing powerful bunch OF lives, well my
orders are to punch all tickets passing over this
road.
Black silk, says contemporary, is liable to
spontaneous combustion, though the chemical
operations that produce the fire are not clearly
understood We have often seen sparks
around package of black silk-with woman
in it-but never supposed there was any chem
ical mystery about it.
Ia newspapers we have 1.-THE Golden Age"
''The Iron Age ''The Living Age" and the
Philadelphia Age. It was thought last week
that the 'Saos Age had been added to the
list, when The Three Links was announced
at Providence, Rhode Island; but it proved to
be only new paper devoted to Odd Fellow
ship"
GAINESVILLE, Wisconsin, is noted for its smart
boys. The latest story is told Of youth of
six summers who was taken to task by his aunt
for some supposed offence. which he persis-
tently denied. Now, johnnie, said she, Il
know you are not telling me the truth; [ see
it in your eye" Pulling down the lower lid of
the organ which had well-nigh betrayed his
veracity, Johnnie exultantly replied: You
cant tell anything about it, aunt; that eye al
ways was little streaked."