The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-03-16

An old gentleman in New Orleans, very
Jealous of pretty wife, came home late one
night, and had all his worst fears confirmed by
hearing suspicious whisperings in his lady's
bed-chamber. Blinded by the green-eyed mon
ster, he rushed furiously into the room and
grasped, as he supposed, an exquisitely apparel
led youth by the arm, and commenced admins
tering to him fearful castigation. Every
blow of the fast descending rod drew scream
of anguish from the unresisting Adonis, and,
after exhausting himself and fearfully lacera-
ting his victim, the irate husband found that
the fell destroyer of his domestic peace was no
other than his own wife, dressed for masquc-
rade.
"A disconsolate citizen of New Orleans put
the following question to one of the papers
published there: "Mr. Edytur-That what
wish to ask you is whether strychnine, what the
police give to dogs, won't pizen the human be-
ing after sassingers has been fried Please put
in the paper how this is, for if fried strychnine
is pizen, go again sassingcrs. Yours, till pi-
zened."
A man of property and utopian proclivi,,
ties at Oshkosh, Wis, took it into his head
some time since to adopt and educate young
girl with the special view of making her his
wife But it was not to be. Shortly before the
fixed wedding day swain eloped with the
sylph, and the twain are DOW one, leaving the
utopian lover lamenting
Some Of the questions proposed for dis
cussions at meeting of Western debating
club were these: 'Is dansin' moralie rong?"
ais it necessary that femails shud receive a
thurro literary educashun ?" "Ort femails to
take part in politix?" "Dus dress constitute
the morale parts of wimin?'
= The medical press is discovering the pos
sibility of q secret poison so deadly that the
perusal of letter containing some of it will
cause the reader to fall dead, with all the symp-
toms of asphyxia. One or two we'll authenti-
Gated instances are reported.
- Josh Billings says: The live man is like
little pig; he is weaned young and begins. to
root early. He is the peppersass NV creation,
the allspice Nv the world. One live man in
village is like a case NV itch in district skule
-he sets everybody to scratchin at onst.
An orthodox paper prints the following
paragraph: "What is the most difficult thing to
find among our churches ?" said one minister to
another. "a church entirely satisfied with
their minister of ten years standing" was the
reply:
- The "heart" is the best card in the chance
game of atrimony-sometimes over come by
diamonds and knaves, often won by tricks, and
occasionally treated in shuffling manner and
then cut altogether.
"A lady at Utica recently attempted to
hang herself, but the neighbors rushed in and
cut her down. Her disgusted husband thinks
"some folks had better stay at home, and not
meddlc-with other peoples affairs"
"A prudent man advised his drunken SER
want to put by his money for rainy day. In
a few weeks his master inquired how much he
had saved. "Faith, none at all" said he; "it
raincd yesterday, and it all went"
- One of the most lamentable effects of the
siege of Paris is manifested in the distressing
circumstance that there are only twenty new
spring styles of bonnets this year.
= They have baby in Vermont that talks
huently at the age of nine months. The item
izer who gives this interesting domestic jot has
not considered it necessary to state the sex Of
that baby.
: An old gentleman was mailing up goods
box. bad boy stole up behind and thrust
pin into the old gentleman's pants. The old
gentleman quickly turned around. Here the
hammer fell.
= Young ladies and gents desirous Of talking
love had better defer it until they get home
from church. as it is not interesting to those
walking behind them.
- rural New YORK Delle, In struggling 10
prevent young man from kissing her, backed
through window and was badly cut with the
glass. The moral is obvious
- Tie New York Sun (Radical) says that
nobody questions the fact that Grant as o
statesman is failure. But his relatives do not
think he is much of failure-in providing
places for them.
"A lady in London got the idea into her
head that the devil was in her, and hung her
self If women go to hanging. themselves for
a little thing like that, they are going to be
mighty scarce, that's all.
- Bed is bundle of paradoxes we go to it
with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret and
we make up our minds every night to leave it
early, but we make up our bodies every morn
ing to keep it late
A Cincinnati boy kicked a: mule twice.
The long suffering beast at last kicked back,
and the boy handed in chips.
- Why is young lawyer like national cur
rency? Because be is legal tender, and some
what green.
"A doctors motto is supposed to be 'pa-
tients and long g-sufering."
- Light is a most successful burglar. 1t is
always breaking in on some ono.
= Can lover be called q suitor, when he
don't suit herr
A PREcEDENT.-Some prudent folks object
to the modern style of curt itemizing, which