The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-12-12

spairing at length OF understanding the SER
wants. or of being understood by them. I
abandoned myself to desperate compli-
ance, saying only, "oui," and accepting
everything that was offered me, eating,
meanwhile, with most heroic application.
Thus matters went on, till in an evil mo-
ment, my fair neighbor, weary of my taci-
turnity, at length herself began a conversa-
ton by asking how was pleased with the
operaP
The question was put at an unlucky in
stant Twas just raising large morsel of
potato to my mouth, and in order to reply
as quickly as possible, hastily thrust it in,
intending to swallow it as hastily. Heavensl
1t was hot as burning lava. What could
l do The lady's eyes were fixed ON me,
awaiting a reply to her question. But my
mouth was in flames. In vain rolled the
burning morsel hither and thither, rocking
my head, while my eyes, which involunta-
rily had fixed on her, were straining from
their sockets.
She regarded my grimaces with such an
expression of amazement as one would ma
turally have, under the circumstances who
was ignorant of their cause. My mouth
was now hayed with he burning mass-to
think of swallowing it seemed like facing
certain death, SO, quietly abandoning the
point, opened my mouth to its utmost,
and out dropped the Internal firebrand upon
my plate.
Not the slightest tendency to smile Wis
IDLY ruffied the countenance of my fair COM
panion. She soothingy condoled with me,
on misfortune, then gradually led the con-
versation to variety of topics, till began
to forget even my own blunders, and even
ventured TO hope, nay to congratulate my
self, that the catalogue of my calamities
was completed for the day.
LET no one call himself happy before
DEATH, said Solan and he said wisely.
My cup was not yet full. Before us stood
a dish of caulifower nicely done in butter.
This ! naturally enough took for custard
pudding, which it sufficiently resembed,
and when my fair neighbor inquired if
were fond of "cho,o fe,tr," verify took it
to be the French for custard pudding, and
and so high was my panegyric of it, that
my place was soon bountifully laden with
it. Alas one single mouthful was enough
to dispel my illusion. Would to heaven
that the "chau feur" had vanished along
with it. But that remained bodily, and
gazed in despair on the mass that loomed
up like Vesuvius before me, and my heart
died within me.
could almost as readily have
swallowed an equal quantity of soft soap,
) but ashamed to confess my mistake,
struggled manfully on against the diabolic-
compound. / endeavor ed to sap the heap
at it's base and shutting my eyes and open
ing my mouth, to inhume as large masses
as could without stopping to taste it. 1t
, happened at this juncture that in the earn
estness and rapidity of my exertions to des-
patch the task before me, my plate some
| how got over the edge of the table, and as
LEANED forward in my desperate work,
, tilted it up, and down slid the disgusting
, mass into my lap. My handkerchief, una.
ble to bear so weighty load, bent under
, it, and great portion of it was thus safely
deposited in my hat.
The plate instantly righted itself, and as
glanced my ego around the table and saw
that no one had noticed my disaster, | in,
wardy congratulated myselfth the nau
, seous deception was so happily disposed of
: Resolving not to be detected hastily roll
ed my handkerchief together with all it,
f remaining contents, and whipped it into
my pocket.
The dinner table was at length deserted
7 for the drawing room, and l sought ou
what considered a safe resting place fo
my hat, which dared not carry longer in
my hand, and threw piece of paper int
t the crown to hide the culiflower from view
g should any one chance, in seeking for hi,
: own hat to look into mine.
| On my return to the pallor Glanced t'
a be again seated by my lady companion
: of the dinner table. Our conversation wa
2 mutually resumed and we were in thu
4 midst of an animated talk, when a hug,
i spider was seen running like race horse
+ up her arm. "Take it off take it off =
h she shriekcd in terrified tones, that attrac
9 ted the attention of the whole company
0 was always afraid of spiders--so to avoi,
= touching him with my hand, ! caught m
+ handkerchief from my pocket and clappe,
= it at once upon the miscreant, who was al
n ready running over her temple with rap