Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-03-31
HumOr.

aumOTs
Still life-a mute's.
Stuck up-show bills
Lame conclusions sore foot.
A good thing to bring the hair out-s
tomahawk
Ii woman were to change her sex, she
would be he-then.
The Cleveland Herald defines 4 snore to
be "a nocturnal trumpet without STOP
As often as we have heard Of flying bricks
we ought not to BE- astonished at hearing a
chimney fue.
Every plain girl has one consolation
though not pretty young lady, she will, If
she lives, be pretty old one.
An Eastern editor asks his Subscribers to
pay him, that he may play the same joke on
his creditors.
L say, Jim, what mechanical work did
you do frstY asked one carpenter Of anoth-
er. why, cut teeth of course, replied the
other instantly
Keep your dog away from mel said
dandy to butcher boy.
Darn the dog. he's always after puppies
said the boy
A Sacramento girl is thrca tening to get
divorce on the novel ground of protracted
festivities. Her husband celebrated their
marriage by ,etting drunk, and has kept up
the celebration ever since.
A young man stepped into a bookstore
and said he wanted to get Young Mans
Companion
"Well, sir said the bookseller, there's
my daughter
One of our exchanges contains long
poem headed, How our mother did it,
Ours did it with a slipper-causing enc to
think Of the warm summer time, or warm
sem'ers
Meeting negro on the road, traveller
said, you have lost soma Of your friends,
[ seeY Yes, massa' WAS it near or
distant relative?' We'll, purity distant
bout twenty-four miles, was the reply.
An english writer says in his advice to
young married women, that their mother
Eve married a gardener 1t might be ad.
ded that the gardener, in consequence Of the
match, lest his situation.
The Vicksburg Herald thinks that as the
Mississippi Legislature has decided that SEN
ator Morgan did not steal tho books Of the
Ck.ko T ;h,orv ub;oh xvora foynJ tbok
trunk, the Library should be tried for steal
ing Morsan's clothes.
A young man in Albany, who wanted to
play trick on three pretty young ladies who
laughed at his slender mustache, hung a
basket on the knob Of their paps's door bell
on New Years. The young ladies' sat in
full dress from eleven A. M. to 9 P. NJ,
without knowing why they received no
calls.
you have lost your baby heard said
by one mother to another. yes poor little
thing. 1t was only five months old. We
did all We could for it. We had four doc
tors, blistered its head and feet, and put
mustard poultices all over it; gave it nine
calomel powders, leached it's temples, had it
bled, and gave it all kinds Of medicines; and
vet after q weeks's illness, it died.
An old fellow who took part in the late
rebellion was one day blowing 10 the village
tavern, to a crowd Of admiring listeners.
and Boosting Of his maay bloody exploits.
when he was interrupted by the question, I
say, old Joe, how many rebels did you kill
during the WARP How many rebels did I
kill, sir; hon many did kill (? Well, I
don't know just 'zactly how many /; but I
know this much, killed as many Of them
as they did O. me-
Uncle Sam had neighbor who was in
the habit Of working on Sundays, but after
while he joined the church. One day he
met the minister to whose church be be.
longed.
"Well, uncle Sam, said he, do you see
any difference in Mr.. P :, since he joined tho
church,
oh, yes said uncle Sam, great change.
Before when he went out to mend his fence
on Sunday, he carried his axe on his shout
der, but now be carries it under bis coat
certain good-natured old Vermont far
mer preserved his constant good.nature, let
what would turn up One day one of his
men came in, bringing the news that one of
his red oxen was dead Us he?' said the
old man. well, he always was breechy
cuss Take his hide off and send it down to
Fletcher's, it will bring the cash. An hour
or so afterwards the man came back with
the news that 'Lineback and his mate were
both dead. Are they?' said the old man.
Well, I took them Of B. to sage bad debt
that l never expected to get. It is lucky
it amt the brindles' After the lapse Of an.
other hour the man came back again, to tell
him that the nigh brindle was dead. Is
hef said the old man. We'll. he was q
very old OK Take off his hide and send it
down to Fletcher's it's worth cash, and
will bring more than any two Of the others.
Hereupon his wife, who was very pioua
woman, reprimanded her husband severely,
and asked him if be was not aware that the
loss was judgment of heaven upon him
for his wickednesa Is it?' said the old
fellow. We'll, if they will take the judg
nlent in cattle. it is the easiest way l can
pay it'