Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-09-05
Lax3sch for HaS77a0r5stS.


Californian was SO severely stung that it
took four men to drink whisky enough to cure
him.
When an Australian asks friend to take
glass of wine with him he says, Let US kiss
the baby"
A widower has remarked, that when man
loses his wife, it is at first duty to cry over
the loss-then it becomes habit, and at last
pleasure. -
"Auntie,' said little three-year old one
day, 81 don't lite mine aprons tarched SO dref-
full. So much tarchness makes the fitness
trach my baroness"
An Irishman quarreling with an English
man. told him that if be didn't hold his tongue,
he would break his impenetrable head and let
the brains out of his empty skull.
missionary agent, collecting funds in
New Hampshire town, was informed by lady
member of the church, that she could not con-
tribute as she had mo change less than cent?
Two little girls were lately prattling together,
and one of them said: I'VE keep four SER
wants. have got six horses, and lots of carria-
ges; now, what have you got?' With quite
as much pride, the other answered, we've dot
a skunk under our barn"
An lllllOlS IaTu0T HAS lOlu ulS IdG ctUIys-
He was going out to bis corn-crib the other
morning, he says, when he saw large rat, with
head erect, carrying full-sized ear of corn in
his mouth, while at the same time his tail was
wranped around another large ear, which he
was dragging behind him.
An eastern naturalist is studying out plan
to sharpen the scent of the bed-bug. He says
that if this could be accomplished so that the
varmint would be enabled to smell himself, he
would become so disguised With his odoriferous
carcass that he'd never think of associating
with anything but skunks or Limberger cheese.
A mamma in the rural districts lately gave
her five year old hopeful an outfit of fishing
tackle. Soon she heard shout from Willie ;
and running out found one of her best hens fast
winding up the line in her crop. whittier the
hook had already preceded it. Willie, observ-
ing the troubled look of his mother, quietly re-
marked, Don't worry, mother. l guess she
will stop when she gets to the pole.
An Idaho chap has realized the absurdity of
marrying in haste. He tied himself to dam
sell of twelve summers and thought he'd found
his kindred spirit sure. He wasn't whit over
semi-self hadn't got her growth, but was climb
ing more sky ward every day, he quoke. Two
wears after the hitch found the sweet one meas
uring six feet eight inches in altitude, and still
towering.
A learned counsellor, in the middle of an af-
fecting appeal in Court on SANDER suit, let fly
the following fight of genius: ISLANDER, gen.
tlemen, like boa-constrictor of gigantic size
and Unreasonable proportions, wraps the coil
of its unwieldy body about its unfortunate VIC
tim, and needless of the shrieks of agony that
come from the Utmost recesses of his victim s
soul. loud and reverberating as the mighty
thufider that rolls in the heavens. it finally
breaks its unlucky neck upon the iron wheel of
public opinion, forcing him to desperation, then
to madness, and finally crushing him in the
hideous jaws of moral death Judge, give us
a cbaw of tobacco ~