davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1871-07-13
Three Jolly Ilusban slS.

Ehree july Husbands BY the name
ct Tim Watson, Joe Brown, and Bill
Walker, sat late one evening drinking
ut the village tavern, until, being pretty
well corned, thcv agreed that each
one on returning home should do the
first thing his wife told him, 10 defauI,
of which he should, the next morning
pay the bill. They then separated for
the night, engaging TO meet the next
morning and givcl an honest accoun, ,
oftheir proceeding, at homo, 80 far as
they related to the bill. The nox,
morning Walker aud Brown we're earl,
at their posts, but II was sometime be-
tore Watson made his appearance.
Walker began first: "You see when
| entered my house tho candle was
out, and the fire giving but glim-
mering Of light, | came near walking
accidentally into a pot of batter that
tho pancakes we're to be made of the
next morning My wifo. who was
dreadfully out Of humor at sitting up
so lato, said to me sarcastically, "Bnl,
do you put your foot 10 tho batter"
Just as you say, Maggie" said |, aud
without the least hesitation l put my
foot 10 the pot Of batter, and went 20
bod Next, Joe Brown told his story:
"My wife had already retired 10 our
usual sleeping room which adjoius the
kitchen, and the door Of which was
ajar; not being able to navigate you
know perfectly, I mado q dreadful
gathering among tn, the household
furniture, and my wife, in no very
pleasant tone bawled out, "Do break
the porridgs pot" No sooner said
than done, | seized hold of the tail Of
the pot, and striking it against the
chimney jamb, broke it into huudred !
pieces. After this exploit retired tc
rest; aud got o curtain lecture all nigh
ior my pains" 1t was now Tim Wat.
sons turn to give an account Of him.
self, which was as follows: my wife
gave me tho most uulucky command
IN the world, for l was bluuderiug up
stairs in the dark, when she cried out
"Do break your neck, do, Tim" "Il
be cusscd if l do, Kate said l, as
picked myself up, ~ will sooner pay
the bill, aud 80, landlord, here's the
cash for you, and this is the last tim,
I'll ever risk five dollars on the con-.
maud Of my wife"
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1871-07-13
Didn't Pan out We'll.

A young husband iu Baltimore is 10
a nice pickle. From some cause ho
concluded his wife did not love him as
we'll rs she should, aud he determined
to test that element. Accordingly ho
wrote note, telling her that be was
going to drown himself in the canal,
and that before she read the contents
OF that note his spirit would be how
ering over her, observing how she toot
his death. The would DO suicide en-,
trusted the note to q small boy, but the
boy mistook the direction and carrie d
the note to next door neighbor Of hi,
wife. Not liking to communicate the
dreadful intelligence to the uulucky
woman, tho lady handed the note to an
officer, with instructions, il possible, to
prevent the rash act. The officer hurried
Of, aud sure enough, found tho man on
the bank of the great canal. Rushing
up the officer seized the uulucky hus-
band, aud marched him of to tho sta.
tiOn house, Notwithstanding his pro.
sestations that it was all q joke and
that he did no, intend to commit sui
eide, etc. After the incarceration Of
tho husband, the note was handed to
the wife, with the information that b.
had been saved After upbraiding
the officer for not letting the "darned
fool drown HIMSELF the wife made 9
charge Of lunacy against him, aud h,
barely escaped being placed in the
asylum.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1871-07-13
1T Might Have Been.o

We hear q great deal about this
phrase, 'it might have been"
Sentimental youths aad lovs.lorn
lassies, growing, old bachelors, and
"picky," old spinsters, oil join 10 this
contemplate whine, 1T might have
been y but tho words have another
meaning well worth looking for, too.
Instead Of mourning over the ire.
trievable past, and sighing, 1T might
havo been BETTER" we should do a
far more sensible thing il wo picked
up our crumbs, and said, ut nigh.
have been ,corse."
Taking time through, there isn't
more cause for sorrow than JOY, aud
all bitter complaining only brings u,
so much the more speedily to that
place which is tho quintessauce Of ev-
erthing dolsful.
II IL not very likely that any Of Us
will be called to endure more than
good old JOB. When earthly bless.
ings were taken from him, he did no
raise q great hue and cry, but pa
tisntly said, "Tho Lord gave, and
tho Lord hath taken away, blessed be
the name Of the Lord
IL ever we are so happy as to get
to Heaven, then we may see tha
much which we call trouble and sor,
row now, are really the greatest bless
iugs; aud our utter ruin might hav,
been wrought in soul and body il cir
cumstanoes had been ss we so often
blindly wished they nigh, have been
Then shall we SEQ that, Of all the
glad words of tongue or pen, the
gladdest are those. 1T might hav,
been"
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1871-07-13


GlPEs is CHIcKESs-A correspon-
dent to the Cincinnati Gasette gives
the following as a cure for gapes iu
chickens. The remedy seems so SIM
pie that We give il for the benefit OF
our readers:
Put one tablespoonful Of wheat into
vial aud pour on spirits turpeu,ine to
cover the wheat, aud keep the vial
eorked. Whichever you End symp-
toms Of gaPes in chick, open its
mouth and compel it to swallow one OF
two grains Of saturated wheat. Re-
peat the operation morning aud even
ing, as long rs may bs needed, aud il
commenced in time, will cure nine
times out Of ten. The above has beer
success in my hands and that Of ma
ny neishbors.
We have seen II itstsd that fowl
effected with gapss could be cured BY
forcing down the windpipe . littls
sweet oil through small glass ~
ripgs. The oil kills. the worm and
relieves the bird at ones. A Trial .
either Of the above simple rsmsdisl
cannot prove hurstul to the fowl, III
ivss net effect q cure.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1871-07-13

she had given him clasped between
bis own.
Yes-I-I-think so,' said Katy
flutteringly, the roses coming and go
ing nervously on her fair cheek.
But liking won't satisfy mo any
longer said Floyd, with raro smile.
IL want something elsc-somcthipg
Tar warmer, swccter, stronger Is il
10 your dear, little heart to give Katy
darling ?"
And Katy, giving him a shy glance
rs ho bent down aud took hcr in his
arms, whispered again.
" Yes | think so 20
at seems Katy is about to be mar
ried,' said old Judge Howard, meet
ing Laura, a few weeks later.
Yes, little, foolish thing !" return.
cd Laura, coloriug with ycxation.
I'm sure | said oil could to pre-
vent it,
ITO prevent it What possible oh.
lection could you make to FLOYD Lau-
reneo 7" asked her old friend.
Why Judge Howard | think of
her throwing herself away for q COM
mon clerk ?"
My dear girl, | don't know what
you arc talking about" said Judge
Howard, with a porple1cd look.
You surely know that Mr. Laurence
Is nothing moro than clerk in War
burtou's store p
My DEAR young lady, surely
know that he is something moro than
a clcrk for any one. lie is tho only
son Of the Laurcuces of Virginia.
Haven't you heard of tho great Lau-
renee estates p
Judge Howard you must be mis-
taken ~
II am not, my child. I, myself,
hoid some twenty thousand dollars OF
u" money in trust. His father was
my friend in boyhood. Your Katy i,
fortunate, Laura, for Floyd Laurence
Is match for any one to be proud
Of"
rs he really so wealthy ?" por.
sisted Laura dOubtinsly.
lilo has an income of at least fif
teen thousand dollars q year. / spoak
rom certainty my dear girl, not from
hore-say."
Poor Laura! Shc tried 10 conceal
the bittor disappointment ranking ia
her heart, bat il was hard to know thu
The golden priz' had slipped from her
grasp, aud only through her own
fault!
Nevertheless, she put the best fac,
possible on the matter, was very af.
iee''ona'e to haty, aud cordial with
Floyd, and very fond, loug after, oI
referring, with studied carlessness. on
every possible occasion, to "my dear
cousin, Mrs. Floyd Laurence,
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1871-07-13
TlT1E FOsT.
YvSusAsl svsey faursdsy nvsaIss By
:,ssslnln cssysl. rrssr,eser.


Es " DWDorAPszOns
Two DOLLARS PER ANrUM, Payable
vhAh sln meaths, er $3.50 u not paid
SsAh tAs ysar. spspsr discontinued
vatfl s1l aFrsaragss are paid unless at
6Es sptisn sf ths pshlisher.
Subscriptions outside of tho county
PpYABLR IN ADVANCE.
- Persons lif,iss and using papers
Ad6resssa 70 etAers become subscribers,
sad srs Babls for the price Of the paper
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1871-07-13
- q lect oetry
NY LITTLE DAUoHTER,s
SHOES

Two little, rough worn, stubbed shoes,
A plump, well.trodden pair;
Wit striped stockings thrust within,
Lie just beside my chair.
or very homeiy fabric they;
A hole 10 In each toe
They nigh, have cost, when they were new
Some fifty cents or so.
And yet this little, worn.out pair
Is richer far TO me,
Than all the jeweled sandals are
or Eastern luxury.
This notified leather, cracked with use.
Is satin In my sight;
These little tarnished button, shine
With oil q diamonds light.
search through the wardrobe Of the world
You shall not find m there,
SO rarely made. so richly wrought,
30 glorious q pair.
Ana why' Because they :ell Of her
Now sound asleep above,
whose form 10 moving beauty,
And whose heart is beating love.
They tell me OF her merry laugh;
:, Her rich, whole.hearted glee;
Her gsntl,ness. her innocence,
Her infant purity.
They tell me that her wavering stems
:, VIII long demand my aid;
For the old road Of human life
ls very roughly laid.
High hills and swift desccnts abound;
And On SO rude a way,
Feet Than can wear these covering,
Would surelya 60 stray.
sweet little girl! be mine the task
Thy feeble steps 10 tend
10 De thy guide, they councillor,
Ihy playmate and thy friend.
Ana when my steps shall faltering grow
And thine be firm aud strong,
my strength shall lead my tottering age
In cheerful peace along.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1871-07-13


BusINsss-LIKE HESs.-Old Starks,
an honest German bad o farm about
three miles from the village o. Nap
les, on the Illinois river. and, like
most Of his countrymsn who settle ia
this country, was great on garden
truck, butter, oggs, ETC., which hs
carried regularly to the town to sell
or barter for family supplies. One
day be came 10 as usual, aud Peter
Critser, the storskeeper. thinking to
get saw on the old man, said :
Well, Stayks, got some moro
sggs?"
"Yah, I have . few" .
81 paid you bit for the last, -
said Critser, "but We have had q con-
veatiOn Of ths'storstsspers, and they
have resolved to give only ten cents
in future"
"Y-a-h. Veil mine hens they have
a mestin, replied Sssrks, an dsy
resolves wot dey won't wear 'emsslves
out layin' eggs for less As fasfteea
shents" Aud the old man stalked
0n, leaving Pe.s to stand the laugh Of
the srowd.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1871-07-13

MANY OF the novels OF these days,
both English and American, are worse
than scnsatiooal-they arc absolutely
wicked, and their tendency is to corrup.
the minds Of the young. male aud fs-
male. Iostsad Of refining, they render
their readers vulgar. sensual aud do
PRAYED. Parents. who regard the
Welfare Of their ohildres, and wish to
see them grow up useful members Of
society, should bauiih sil pes.iisrous
soSeb from their hbrsriss aud homes.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1871-07-13

A GENTLEMAN, witty aud agreeable,
but with a singular impcdiment OF
speech, had it in his heart to become
the possessor OF pure black aud-tan
terrier, for which he was willing 10
pay LIBERAL price. A superior lt,lo
brute was soon brought to him by q
dos-faucier, who demanded for 1t the
modest prico Of flty dollars. No, bo-
ing disposed to check for that figure
uoless sure that tho dog was q good
ra'ser be proposed to the party to
meet him next day at pi, where dogs
aud rats we're brought for sauguinary
contest, aud try him with a rat. Next
day our friend, having obtained a drst
class rat Of the wharf" species, had
him conveyed to the theatre OF
strife. Both were at the same time
thrown into the arena. Aher having
been pursued for Q moment the rat
turned, made a 'priug at the terrier,
caught him 90 the lip, aud made him
howl With pain. Iu short, he had him.
Our purchaser turned and said, II
d'd'on't think your d d.dogs g-good
for anything. D.d-don't you want to
b.buy my FRAT! ~
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1871-07-13
Something More than q Clerk,


Laura Carlisle stood whore scarcely
a half-dozen women 10 tho room would
have dared to stand, directly under
the blaze ofthe chandelier, her che eks
crimson with excitement, her eyes
bright as the jewels which flashed 10
her brown hair, her heavy garnet satin
robes sweeping against tho muslin
dress Of her cousin, Katy Carlisle,
who was as different from her Us the
tender twilight from the brilliant noon.
day.
Yet sweet Katy iu..tbat simple dress
with eyes blue as -, turquoise sash
which bound her slender waist. was no
less attractive than her naughty cous.
in, aud so thought Floyd Laurence, as
no f.tood chatting with them. 1t
was not lack Of beauty which often
cast Katy in the shade-but Katy
was poor, and golden bait Is soonest
snapped at, you know!
"Oh, do think 50 much of q good
old family!' said Laura, who, having
heard that Floyd Laurence belonged
to one of the "F. F. VS. desired to
create an impression. "why, I
wouldn't look at prince if he did not
come ofa good stock"
"Princss are generally supposed to
be so Laura laughed Katy, Q mis-
chevious twinkle coming into he eyes
as she met Floyd's glance.
"Ob, Of course meant il they could
do otherwise said Laura, rsddeuing
With vexatiou at her mistake. And
then, glad to change the conversation,
she turned to Mary West and began
to inquire about some beautiful lace
she was wearing.
II got it at Wsrburtou's," said
Mary, smlliug.
"Oh, must get some TO- morrow, II
there is yard left,' cried Laura. al
shall be suro to 80 there right away
Yes, that is our waltz; Mr.. Laurence, II
and taking his arm, she moved grace
fully away.
Hem-yss.-thsy are pretty girl
tho sweetest girls I saw tonight, ,
solilOquized Floyd Laurence, in hii
own room, that night. "But won
der il Miss Laura would smile Sc
swestly il she though. hadn't . pen.
ny iu my pocket? Loves wings, yor
soc, Wien tipped with gold, arc beau
tiful to view Coufoand the money
II makes one suspicious ofeverybody
But l do wish thsrs was away to tss
the truth somstimes."
He sighed, lit . cigar, and sat dow
to smoke away his faucios. Suddenly
be sprang up. auug the cigar into th
CRATE. aud began to pace the room.
"By Jove Two got an ideav
said he. miss Laura Is going I,
Warburton's tomorrow now War
burton happens 10 bs friend Of min,
IL think III 60 tbore, too! Hs'l
enter into the thing. I'm sursj and ",
fancy to see IL Floyd Laursuss be
bind q counter. aud Floyd Laureno'
10 Mrs. HOward's ball room, stand jus
the same ;n Miss Carlisls's sstinatisn
Heishol wonder ifthat pretty. blu
eyed cousin win eous with hsfr'
Atssr dinner next day. Mics Gar
isles carriage stepped before Wsrbuy
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1871-07-13
So YOU'RE going to Alzsks

$50 you're going to Alaska, are
you, young man p said an old fox
hunter 10 Philadelphia youth, odd
ing; You must bs earsfsl how ysa
kill the VIII Of sstivs sf that cos.>
try. for 20 sas vas over knss b be
lot sG frsa sssh ss secidsns foe less
thsa tee woslsn blssksts 10 the BE-
rssvsd Ausbsad and Avs ~ tks ssv:
sfsor.''
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1871-07-13
HARDWARE AND QUEENswARE.
SALT AND FISH

And In fact everything usually kept in q
Offer at greatly reduced prices. fSr Cash or
Country Frooucs.
Having had large sIpsrie.ee ia the
please aud satisfy ell our oustomers.
Hoping BY strict attention to business
saa . desire TO please all, TO merit liberal
aQxfk SaieS aud Small lfcfts."
We ssk at least that tho public examine
cur stock cad yyisss before puraAsslas
slsewhsfs, - ws slwsys shsw our goods
viii ilsssuse. ,....-i.a.s
vsasssviys JsHs IA. 1870. e
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1871-07-13
Advertising Rates.

0ne colnmn Pre- year $4,000.
uhe-nan column, one year. 5000.
One'fcurth column. one year. 1900.
One square no lines) ono insertion .5.
Every addition al insertion CO.
Professional and Busiuess cards Of
not more than Ave lines, per year. 500.
Auditor. Executor, Administrator
and Assignes Notices 2.s0.
Editorial notices per line 10.
All advertisements for shorter period
than one year are payable at the time
they are ordered, and II not paid the per-
for the money.
Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1871-05-05
A RESOLUTION authorizing the appointment OF
Commissioners In relation to the Republic OF Do
Improved January 70. ls7l.l
Resolred Jv the Eelaie and House Of Rcpresen
tires q. ko United Sates Of America IN Con0r

Rsolred BY the Senate and Houe Of Rrpresenta.
hrc, q, ho United aaie' Of America IN COnOrs''
That the President Of the United States be author
lzed to appoint three commissioners, and also q sec:
Rotary, the latter to be verscd In the English and
Spanish languages. to proceed 70 the Islhnd OF san
Domingo, and TO such other places, II any, as such
commissioners may deem necessary, and there 10
inquire into. ASCERTAIN and report the political state
And ar6,s sSnd nam,s o. 81 fn Inb ESRSSts and q, p s%e |, aesja. and and
disposition Of the people OF the said reduhllc TO be-
come annexed 10 and form part OF the people Of. the
United States; the physical, mental and moral con-
dltion Of the said people, AMI their general condition
as 20 material wealth and Industrial capacity; the
resources Of the country; Its mineral and a~sricultu-
raj products: the products Of Its waters and forests;
the general character OF the soil; the extent and
proportion thereof capable Of cultivation; tho cIi-
mate and health Of tho country W. bays, har6ors
the existence and frequency Of reInarkahle meteoro.
logical phenomena; the debt Of the Government
aud It's obligations. whether nunde' and aScertained
and admitted, or unadlusted aid under discussion;
treaties or engagements with other powers; extent
OF boundaries and territory - what proportion IL
covered by foreign claimants or by grants or con-
cesslons, and generally what concessions or fran
chises have been granted, with the names Of the re-
spective grantees; the terms and conditions on
which the Dominican government may desire TO he
one OF the Territories thereof; such other lntorina.
ton with respect 10 the said government or It's ter.
ritorles as to the said commissioners shall seem DC
slrable or important with reference TO the future In
corporation Of the said nolnlcan republic into the
United States nj one CT It's Territories, -.
Sec. =. And be It, further resolved, That the said
commissioners shall. a. soon as conveniently may
be, report to the President OF the United States. who
shall lay the report be ore Congress. =,
Sec. >. And BE- II further resolved, That the said
commissioner shall serve without compensation, OK.
cept the payment Of expenses; and the cOnlpeilsn'
ton OF the secretary shall DO determined BY the
Secretary Of State, with the approval Of the Presl-
dent: provided, that nothing In these resolutions
contained shall be held. understood or construed as
committing Congress To the policy OF a~nnexlng the
territory Of said republic Or Dominica,
AN ACT TO amend an Act entitled Al Act TO au-
thorIzc the refunding OF the National Debt"
Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1871-05-05

Be Il enacted by The Senate and Hon,eof Reprnsnt.
Gtires Of che uHited States Of Am1ico' ~ Con-
press disem6ied
That all that portion OF the western district"
land district, created by the act approved March
three. eighteen hundred and nftyscyen, entitled
IAN act 10 establish three additional land districts
In the Territory Of Kansas, which L. situated north
OF the townships ten and eleven south IN said State.
shnil constitute q new land district, TO be called the
Republican land district.
Sec. 2. And be Il further enacted, That the Presl.
dent be, and he In hereby authorized. whenever the
public interests shall require. to appoint by and
with the advice and consent OF the Senate, or du.
ring the recess thereof. and untilthe end Of the next
session Of Congress after such appointment. q regis
Ter and o receiver for the District hereby created,
who shall respectively be required 70 reside at the
site OF their Offices. have the Same powers. response.
bilItles and emoluments. and be subject TO the sam
acts and penalties which are or may be prescribed
by law In relation to Other land on1ccrs Of the United
States In said State.
Sec. 81 And be Il further enacted. That the public
lands IN said district shall be subject to sale and dis
pOsal upon the same terms and conditions rs ether
public lands Of the United States; provided, that ali
sAies and locations made at the once Of the old dis
trict Of lands situated within the limits OF the new
district. which shall be valid and right In other re.
spects. up TO the day on which the new Office shall
go into operation. be. and the same are hereby con.
nrmel,
Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1871-05-05
LAWS OF rHB UNITED sTArEsi .

button. not to exceed one hundred and my copies
OF the complete specifications and drawings OF esch
patent subsequently issued, together VIII sultsbs
be placed for free public inspection In each capitol OF
every State and Territory, one for the like purpose
In the clerks office Of the District Court OF each ~.
dIcial District OF the Unitod States, except when
such ofdces are located IN State or Territorial capt.
tolls, and ono in the library OF Congress, which copies
shall be taken and received In all Courts as evidence
OF all matters therein contained. and shall be certi;
OF the Patent Once, and shall be taken and received
In all courts as evidence, said copies not to be taken
nom said repositories for any other purpose than 70
ents Is hereby authorized and directed to have print.
ed such additional numbers Of copies OF specinca.
tons and drawings. certified as hereinDelore pro
vided. at q price not to exceed the contract pnce or
such drawings, for sale. ~ may be warranted by the
actual demand for the same; and Connisthe sioner
is also hereby authorized to furnish . eomplete set
q such specifications and drawings to any puohe
umes TO correspond with those In the Patent Oinee,
and for tho transportation OF the same, and when
shall also provide proper custody for the same, with
regulations Us the Commissioner shall doom reason.
able; and provided also, that all contracts Tor max
Ing copies Of drawings shall be made under the pro
visions Of chapter one hundred and any.lve. sec
I'VE, eighteen hundred and slxty.four, which reads
Us follows Sec. .. And DO II further enacted, that
all lithoRraphing and engraving, where the probable
companying any work exceeds two hundred and
tifty dollars, shall be awarded TO the lowest and best
bidder for the interests OF tho Government, due re-
due advertisement by the Superintendent Of Public
Printing, under the direction Of the Joint Commit
tee on Printing; provided. that the Joint Committee
On pdS,ie rTnt nF f,, Ss sI pIlDiips ~ 70 m eIpG i,nspe W
ate contracts for engraving. whenever In their opln'
lon the cxigencles Of the publc service VIII not JUS
tlfy waiting for advertisement and award"