The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-06-18
WIT AND WELDON.

WIT AND WELDON.
Fortune-Tellers-Ba clerks.
Where there's wheel there's generally
o way.
of what trade are bees i-They are
comb makers.
mImpressions of Greece"-Candle drop
pings on the carpet.
Never put off till tomorrow what You
did the week before last.
What causes a cold, cures q cold, and
fees the doctorf A draft.
Is the man who believes in suppers
necessarily sup(p)erstitious
To discover our own chief defects we
have but to ask ourselves what we Diane
most in others.
A yery benevolent lady has taken the
notion into her head of knitting pair OF
hose for fire-engine.
The reason why the French have had
such hard lines is because they couion''
keep their rnlers straight.
"Good morning, Smith, you leok sleepy.
lM Yes, - replied Smith, 81 was up all night.
"Upl where I" "Up stairs in bed"
Was the Roman matron, whose sons were
Jewels, q pearl" " No, my child; the
Gracchi were Comedians"
"Mamma," said little boy who had
been sent to dry q towel before the hre,
{" is it done when it's brown I"
Remember, I'm your father" said an in
dipnant parent to his fractions son, who re-
plied, "I'm not to blame for that, am 1t"
As the shadow of the sun is largest when
his beams are lowest, SO we are always
lesst when we make ourselves the greatest.
A New York merchant absent,mindediy
copied q love letter to his "hearts ldol In
.ha Iattar hook Of the firm before sending
Here is an extract from q new novel:
" The Countess fell back in deadly
swoon. When she revived her spirit had
lied"
MANY ladies give as an excuse for mar
rying for money that they seldom ind
anything else in q man nowadays worth
having.
Atmospherical knowledge is not thorough
ly distributed in our schools. A boy being
asked what is mist!" vaguely responded,
|" an umbrella"
A Connecticut school-boy has written
composition on the horse, in which he says
bit is an animal having four legs, "one at
each corner"
The High, Low, and Broad Church par
ties of England are designated as s'Attitu-
fdinarians Observation-Disclosures" aud "Lati-
gtudinarians."
Old Moneybags says that girl with an
Income of three Thousand dollars year or
more is always an object of interest, be-
cause she has SO much principal.
A country paper says there is a man in
that neighborhood 80 mean, that he sits on
the door steps of the church on Sunday, TO
save the wear OF his pew cushlons.
An observant genius remarks that love
NAV be blind, but he has always noticed
Whenever a man proves to be very desper-
ate, he is always told to go ''eee father"
Modesty" asks: What is the best
method of popping the question ~ 1t ID a
good deal like champagne-if it don't pop
itself, there is something wrong ABOUT IL.
Reporter thus graphically describes
the effects of storm in the North Sea :
While the storm was at its height, the
vessel heeled to larboard, and the captain
and another cask of whiskey rolled over
board"
Census-Taker out West reports eight
thousand colonies in his district. There
used to be more in that part of the coun-
try" he says. "but large number OF them
have been raised to generals"
Anxious Traveler-"Hallo, there What
boat is that ~ Captain-"Tow boat.
\ Traveller" But what line is it I" Captain
l." Tow linen Traveler-"I want to get
aboard" Captan-.get one off the fence
One of Disraeii's admirers, in speaking
about him to John Bright, said: :" You
ought TO give him credit for what ne ma,
accomplished, as he is self-made man l.,
know he is, retorted brlghe, anu NJ
adores his maker"
What kind of pens do you sell here, Mis-
terf asked boy of stationer. eve
keep all kinds, you young vagabopd," wa;
the rude reply. Oh, you do, do you
Well, then, I'll take ten cents worth OF pit
pens"
Cant you manage to give my son on
of the prizes at the exhibition - asked
mother of teacher. "No, madam" wa
the reply. "YOur son will stand NJ
chance he obstinately persists in idle
ness" 80, but Them" exclaimed the font
mamma, eff that's 30, you can give him
prize for perseverance,"
wording wae once visited in his i'll
ness by we'll meaning but dolorous cler
gyman, who disfg ured his countenanc'
and wore face of perpetual mourning
AZ bis sad visage appeared iu the doorway
the sick man started up and exclaimed
40 -xryafI