Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1871-06-29
RATES OF ADvERTIsING-
WIT.AND WISDOM.

What trade do daneing-m masters fol-
low, unless it is that of hop merchants?
What is the only thing that will cool
the excited minds of the Freneh?-Why
a good Nap. to be sure.
Why are cashmere shawls like deaf
people? Because you can't make them
here. = Fs'i-- W ~ = - :
]. A negro woman 129 years old lives
in Franklin, La. She has baby near
| ly so, but weaned. s1D ~.
In Louisville recently a Iady was
shot by pistol which accidentally fell
from the pocket ofa clergyman.
Worcester comes along with a Mrs.
Flynn, 81 years old, who recently walk
ed eighteen miles in five hours.
Mrs. Jones, of Bay City, made her
hubby hand out $50 for a new dress.
She did it with a little revolver.
1t has just been discovered that moth
ing will make woman so mad as look
ing for her night cap after the lampis
out.
Two girls of Saginaw, Mich, made
wager that they could take five grains
OF morphine without injury. They
tried it and died together. dsGii9 IL
A Massachusetts, man who teiegraphed
to New Bedford fora box of pressedeod-
fish, isastonished at "themistakesthese
telegraph men do make" 49,
A young Philadelphian, threatened
with a breach of promise suit, SAYS:
s4Sue away; contracts made on Sunday
amt legal. Ala - 1880
Madam Angelue, a mulatto woman,
has just finished walking a thousand
miles in a thousand hours in England
being the third person who has ever
accomplished this feat. ~ -.e.o ---...--
The agent ofa Pennsylvania marble
worker persuaded awidoW to buy
stone for the grave of her dead hus-
baud by promising to marry her. 2 -
A Connecticut paper tells this storyof
a new boy in one ofthe Sunday schools:
The precocious youth was asked who
made the beautiful hills about them, and =
remarked that he did not know, as his
parents only moved in the town the
day before. .-Il- .lh3 1y5i-
A French artist having been asked to
draw an allegorical figure sof benevo-
lence, CAREFUL sketched bit of India
rubber. "This, - said he, sis the true
emblem:of benevolence; it gives more
than any other substance
A rogue was once begging charity on
pretence of being dumb. A lady having
asked him, with equal simplicity, how {
long he had endumb, he was thrown
off his guard, and replied: From birth,
madam" ''Poor fellow, ,"said the lady,
and gave him shilling. .' NJ :
Here is the last of shoemaker, be-.
yond which let no eobbler 60; A lady
complaining that the soles Of her shoes.
were too thick, the artful manufacturer
ton to them, madame?u ut is re-,
piled the lady. sfWeH then, madame,
If you take them think I can assure
you you viii find that objection grad-n
uaiiy wears away, f}1is-d agsd Oh "
A school committee in a frontier dis d
trict are reported to have summed I'D
their opinion of an examination which
they had attended by making to the
pupils this address: "You,ve spelled
well, and you've ciphered good, but
you hain't sot still."- T-av fes.f- ..4a.
An Alabama editor having read DR..
Halls lecture advising that husband
and wife should sleepin separatea apart
ments, says that DR.. Hall can sleep
where he chooses, bat for himself he in
tends to sleep where he can defend his
wife against rats and all other nocturn-
Il foes, as long as he has got one to de-
fend.
A Delaware editor has seen a hen
hat for five years used to lay eggs and
match chickens. s'Then she ceased to
Unchanged her manner and looks to
hat of rooster, and now crows for day
md al day, fights the other roOsters
md matesSwith the hen."
Altar ofroses is sold in the Orient at
cost far exceeding the price of the
anne weight IN gold. The best Is citron
'olored, made in Cashmere, and so
trong that if handkerchief is touched
With the tip of needle dipped in il, it
viii scent for weeks.
The slumbers ofan Irish gentleman
,eing disturbed by another gentleman
Who had come to administer horse
he asked him whether he
meant to be so unmanly as to fioS him
Yhile in bed. Certainly moi, twas the
-isitor's reply. "Well, then, nirejoined
he other, quietly rolling himself up
'ery snugly in the bedclothes,s ssyou may
vait as long as Won please, but hang me
I'll get pwhile you're in the house."
The importance of careful punctua-
ion can not be insisted ON too urgently.
Iere are few instances which illus
rate it: Wanted young man 10 take
harge ofa pair horses ofa religious turn
f mind. " A child was run over by a
wagon three years old and croSs-eyed
With pantalets which never spoke
- sLost, an enameled lady's
old watch and charms"
A clergyman addressed his female
uditors as follows: "Be not proud
hat our blessed Lord paid your sex
he distinguished honor of appearing
rst to female after his resurrection,
1r it was only that the glad tidings
night be spread the sooner"
A man who had opened liquor sa-
Oon was about to put up his sign, and
his neighbor's advice, what
he should put on it. The
nan replied: al advise you to write
n it, 'Beggars made here.'"
In California there is a preacher who
as procured large tent and flaming
and bills with which he moves from
own to town holding revivals; so that
. is uot singular that the people ont
here call it the theological circus.