Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1871-10-13

''CD-'
nOdy objects, I'll appint him. Come
Square, don't be baShful. Walk up to
| the trough, fodder or no fodder, as the
man said to his donkey"
There was a general gigele at this,
and many Of the young swains took
occasion to nudge the girls alongside
| them, Ostensibly for the purpose OF
| making them see the joke, but really
for the pleasure of nudging. The
| Greeks figured Cupid as naked, proba-
| bly, because he wears so many dIsguis-
es that they could not selects costume
for him.
The Squire came to the front Ralph
made an inventory Of the agglOmera-
ton which bore the name of Squire
Hawkins, as follows:
l. A swallOw-tail coat of indefinite
age, worn only on state occasions when
| its owner was called TO figure in his
public capacity. Either the Squire
had grown too large or the coat too
small.
,. \ pair of black gloves, the most
phenomenal, abnormal, and uncXpec-
ted apparation conceivable in Flat
Greek district, where the preachers
wore no coats in the summer, and
NHGIG u bIdCh SlONG WIS ittNCi SGcu
except on the hands of the Squire.
3. A wig of that dirty, waxy color
so common to wigs. This one showed
continual inclination to slip Off the
owners smooth, bald pate, and the
Squire had frequentlyto adjust it. As
his hair had been red, the wig did not
accord with his face, and the hair un,
grayed was sadly discOiOred with face
shriveled by age.
1. 4 semi-cigcular row Of whiskeTs
hedging the edge of the jaw and chin.
These were dyed a frightful dead black
such as no natural HAIR or beard ever
had. At the roots there was a quarter
of an inch Of white, giving the whis-
kers the appearance OF being stuck on.
.. A pair OF spectacles, with tor
toise-sheil rim" Inclined to slip off.
6. y glass eye, purchased of a ped
dler, and differing in color, from its
natural mate, perpetually inclined to
get out of focus by turning in or out.
:. A set of false teeth, badly fitted,
and given to bobbing up and down.
s. The Squire proper, to whom these
patches were loosely attached.
1t is an old story that a boy wrote
home to his father begging him to
come West, because mighty mean
men go in office out here" But Ralph
concluded that some Yankees had
taught school in HOOpO!e County who
would not have held high place i'll
the educational institutions of Massa-
chusetts. Hawkins had some New
England idioms, but they were well
overlaid 10y a Western pronunciation.
Ladies and gentlemen" he began,
showing up his Spectacies, and sucking
his lips over his white teeth to Keep
them in place, ladies and gentlemen,
young men and maidenS, rally I'm
Obieeged to Mr. Means fer this honor"
and the Squire took both hands and
turned the top of his head round seve-
raj inches. Then he adjusted his
spectacles. Whether he was obliged
10 Mr.. Means for the honor of being
c0muarcd to a donkey, was not clear.
81 feel in the inmOst compartments
of my animal spirits most happily
inc sense of the success and tuulIty OF
all my endeaVCTS to SaTVe the people
of Fiat CriCk deestTiCk, aud the people
of Vomkins township, in my weak
way and manner" This burst Of elO-
uuen, e was delivered with Il cUnstrain-
cd and an apparent sense OF danger
that he. Squire Hawkins might fall to
pieces in his weak way and manner,
and of the success and futility (cspe-
cialiv the latterl Of all attempts at re-
construction. For by this time the
chastity pupil of the left eye, which
was black, was looking away round to
the left. while the little blue one on
the ri2ht twinkled Cheerfully to-
ward the front. The front teeth would
drop down SO that the Squire's mouth
was kept nearly closed, and his words
whistled through.
II feel a. If could be grandiloquent
on this interesting occasion" twisting
his scalp round, but rally / must
forego any such eXertions. tits spell
ing YOU want Spelling is the corner
stone, the Trand, underlying subter-
fuge of good eddicatiOn. | put the
spellin'-hoOll prepared by the great
Ilau;Ci WcDster alongside Jna I;lDie.
| do. rarely. I think l may put it
ahead of The Bible. For if it wurnt
fer spelliuo'-b0oks and sich occasions
rs these. where would the Bible be
I should like to know. The man who
90; I'D. who compounded this little
work ofineXtricable valOO was a benu-
factor TO the whole human race or any
other" Here the spectacles fell of.
The Squire replaced them in some con
fusion, gave the top of his head anoth-
er twist, and felt of his glass eye, while
moor Shocky stared in wonder, and
Beiscv Short rolled from side 10 side
at the point of death from the effort
to suppress her giggle. Mrs. Means
and the other ladies looked the ap-
plause they could not speak
Il apDint Larkn Lanhdm and
Jeems Buchanan for captings,' said
the Squire. And the two young men
thus named took a stick and tossed it
from hand to hand to decide which
should have the first cOhice." One
tossed the stick to the other, who held
il fast lust where he happened to catch
il. Then the first placed his hand
above the second, AMI so the hands
were alternately changed to the top.
The one who held the stick last with
out room for the other to take hold had
gained the lot. This was tried three
times. As LarkiH held the stick twice
out of three times, he had the choice.
He hesitated a moment. Everybody
looked toward tall Jim Phillips. But
Iarkin was fond of a venture on un-
known seas. aud 50 he said, g take
the master" while u buzz of surprise
ran round the room. and the captain
of the other side, IS if afraid his oppO-
nent would withdraw the choice, re-
to.ted quickly, and with smack of
exu!tation and defiance in his voice
~ And take JeemS Phillips"
CONTINUED NEXT WEEK.
TEEECON&OTED ALTON ENxCNC-
TTGE CAST.