St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1871-02-24
Popular diet in Utah-Spare rib.

Popular Iict in Utah-Spare rib
Dcarcr than life-f;,shionable funerals.
Pressed for time-Egyp;ian mummies
\ Green grocer" is dcscribo,l as one
who trusts.
Which side of horse to take in
mounting-the outside.
Every bird pleases us with lis lays
pecially the hen.
When Is a Chinese the most like a
vegetable ! When cue cumbcrs his
head.
The best way to ascertain the weight
of a horse is to let him tread ON your
foot
Sitting up" n parlor game. Two
play it. More than that humber spoil
the game.
Mr.. Atkins, Of Illinois, saw Miss
Lindsey home from church. Her father
and brother shot him. No cards.
y charitable Cincinnati gentleman
keeps pair of dogs chained at his front
door, 50 that poor people who stop to
get Il li;c" can be accommodated with
out taking the trouble to 90 in the house.
y New Haven youth was made to be
licvc that he had swallowed his artificial
teeth in his sleep. He suffered terrible
pains in the stomach till he discovered
the missing grinders in his vest pocket
.Ir-sc had been doing something which
her mamma had told her she mustn't do.
She had been eating currantS, and, of
course, got her mouth all stained; that's
the way She was found ont. Her MANI
ma SAID: You know you were forbid
den to cat currants" "But, mother,
Satan tempted me-" 'Why didn't you
say, Get thee behind me, Satan =" Il
did say, Get the behind me, Satan, and
he went and got behind me, and pushed
me right into the currant bushes ="
\ doctor was asked to dance the
dancers" He declined, but expressed
Il willingness TO lance the dancers
y rich man who was injured by be-
ing run over, r,eXclaimcd with great wrath:
at isn't the accident that | mind, that
isn't the thing; Tut the idea Of being
run over hy an cid swilI-cart, that's what
makes me mad
\ man called another an cxtortioncr
for sueing him-"Why, my friend" re-
piled the man who brought the suit, Il
did it 10 oblige you" "To oblige me,
indecd-how 50 E'-Why, TO oblige you
to pay me-"
Not long since the superintendent of
the Presbyterian Sunday school i'll the
village of l., invited stranger pre-
sent TO address them, and hintcd that he
should be clad to have him say something
on the Importance of following Il good
example i'll youth. The gentleman con-
scnted and after 4 long and remarkably
pointless discourse, summed up his argu-
men;s in these brief but pointed words,
which, for modcsty and humility, have
probably not been surpassed since the
days when the Phari-ec thanked God
that lie was not as other men: ''And
now, my young friends, the names Of
these two boys were Thomas and Phi,
lander. Thomas, | have told you was a
bad boy, and went down-down-down.
Philandcr was 4 good boy and went up
-up-up. Little children, Philan!er
stands before you .'-E,rchanye.
a former Kentucky congressman went
out riding with his sweetheart, and, in
his own words: We were nearing a
small skirt of woods, the horses at their
best speed. had determined in my own
mind that when we reached particular
spot | would ''pop' the question, and So
| did, but, would you believe me she
said no. Just as the word escaped her
lips | purposely ran the sleigh over a
stump. Out we went, she TO cool her
person in the snow, and TO counieract
the damage she had given my affections.
Her first words after getting back in the
sleigh were: ''Excuse me, Sir; wished
to tell you 10 notice the stump" We
often refer to the sleig gh ride, but to this
day she believes it was accident. We
live near the Indiana linc-a divorce is
not wanted.