The Charleston daily news. [volume] (Charleston, S.C.) 1865-1873, 1871-07-06
BEFORE AND litter MARRIAGE.
From the london Examiner ]

| From the London Examiner
In the romantic courting days the love-mak,
| ing is fresh and sweet aud allengrosslng, and
the unrefectlng Innocehts are deluded Into
the belief that the bonds OF matrimony are
alone needed to secure them O life Of love and
| Ioy at the high fever heat of these Wat N
youthful moments. But such an anticipation
\ OF heaven on this earth cannot be. The heat
| must cool down, and the ntoXication of love
sober into the tranquility of friendship. It Is
a great matter to get safely through this cool
| Ing process. The danger Is that, when ir be-
| gins, one or other, or both, ignorant that its
cause lies In the nature of things, may throw
/ the blame on an innocent partner, and IN hls
| or her secret heart sigh over the awful misfor-
pen 80 frequently as 1t does II, as is not often
| The case, the husband and wife were to sober
down at about the same rate. AS rule, the
| lady will hold on to the billing and cooling and
| tender loVe-maklng much longer tnan the
gentleman. Il is the man that cools and the
1 wife that is breken-hearted. This. though
much to be regretted, Is easy enough to un.
derstand without considering the husband
BRUTE Probably men have BY nature less ten
derness than women. Certainly their active
| business lives are averse to It's development,
and any considerable display of softness, on
| their part, is commonly sneered down as an
unmaniy weakness. By our social arrange.
ments women, on the other hand, are devoted
almost entirely to the exercise ol this emotion;
! to them love in some shape is all and all; with
out It their lives are cherries aud blank. The
slow work of bringing the lives and pursuits
Of the sexes into greater harmony, and there
by astonishing the characters oil men and wo-
men. must be left to the untirlng zeal OF the
promoters Of the "woman-movement.''
Among causes OF evil lying nearer the sur
face there is our system OF eonrtsnlp, wnicn M
tv III nienhipf
be kind and attentive to the object OF ones
affection is natural on the part Of both man
and woman. But, according to custom, the
oentlenaR,pust do all the woolng, the labor
Of loVe-maaing falls to him; and, as q rule, ne
does not spare himself. For weeks, tor months,
for wears, he worships at the feet OF his fair
one, with compliment, tiattery and endless at
tentions He seems the slave Of her smallest
wish. In all this there Is much acting, often
much conscious acting. Marriage is the drop
ping OF the curtain; with 1t ends the merry,
but, in its consequences. melancholy farce.
Aud when he sees the effects OF the play, ne
sincerely wishes 1t had never begun. The az:
that they should. Yet, in getting th .m for
time, women are taught to expect them for
ever The arrangement ls cruel to women.
It is like the practice Of first spelling children,
and then publishing then for being spoiled.
or course we can understand the eXtrava-
giant pre-nuptial speeches of the bearded lover
without charging him with the least inslncerl.
ty. While the Lady ls yet to be won, and he Is
under the influence of q pent-up passion and
heated imagination, he talks sentiment and
swears thousand fond, foolish, impossible
things-that their moons will be all equally
honeyed, and the like. No doubt he sometimes
prattles in this pretty way more because It is
the fashion than for better reason. oiten,
however, he Is 80 ignorant OF human nature
that he believes all this himself. Built is The
misfortune of the poor girl alwaysto believe it.
How could she ever doubt such charming
truth? The incense of tlattery is sweet, and
she likes to pet aud be petted. The love may
be perfectly genuine on both sides, and yet
| with marriage there may come great falling
off from oil this. When the wife dropsher
handkerchief the husband does not dart across
the room to save her the trouble of STOPPING.
After marriage man cannot be bothered
telling his wife twenty times q day that
he really loves her. He thinks she shonld take
that for granted. And the excess OF fondling
and caressing Ia which he indulged, and for a
time enjoyed, gradually losesdts zest, and be-
comes tlresome to him, especially when he
has, as most men have, business and impor-
| tant outdoor interests to occupy his thoughts.
But men are not ali pure sel6shness, and
| women do not know how often their loving
embraces, though they interrupt the busy
thoughts, and are felt to be out of season, are
| nevertheless patiently submitted to. out OF q
delicate regard for their feelings; Unfortu.
selection OF its objects, has eyes preternatural-
ly sharp in detecting colaness In It's votarles.
| In thousand little things the loving but un-
| thinking wife sees and feels the growing
change. Gathering over her like black
cloud darkening the sunshine of her early
! summer comes the dismal thought that she
may Be the miserable victim of loVeess
marriage At last, perhaps, in moment Of
less virtue or unusual irritabl!ity, the bus
| band, by word or deed, Sights some little
personal attention, or neglects one OF
| the established ceremonies OF love.
| The moor wife teels as If she could not survive
| it. It's poisoned arrow into her Stender
heart wound that may need long years to
| heal She is disappointed; her love is not ap-
preciated; and Ia secret she grleves ever u
hidden sorrow. If she is foolish enough to
comnain, and to- claim as Il duty what TO be
real or desirable must be purely spontaneous
and this is the folly of TOO many-she makes
ruinous mistake. The good man has not left
of loving her. True. the fever Is no longer
! his own quiet way. Is she not his wife, Sc
cure in his affection; bis trusted, bosom
| friend-and what more would she have
| When she accuses him OF coldness and ne
glect, he ls vexed, and does not like It.. II she
! continue the annoyance sue Will make ner-
| sell dlSHSreeaple, anu may. Wien IL 10 Coo
| late, discover the awful difference between
the real and tue imaginary loss of her hus'
bands love.
But let not the prosecuted husband be too
| hard; let him remember that he may be more
or less to blame; that his importunale wife may
lbe but demanding the love and attention he,
in his folly, taught her to expect, and often
assured her she should have. A change In the
fashion of love-making would be great bles.
! sing Women are spoiled by the alteration
tLey receive before marriage, and both they
and their husbands have to eat the bitter after
fruit. Besides, this desperate woons is quite
unnecessary. For long time yet young To-
fiatlered or not. And they would make much
better and more coutented wives if, instead ol
intoxicating them with wild, sweet rawlings
that are at least insaneit not insincere-lmen
would treat them from the first with some methins
approaching the quiet kindness and affection
that their less emotional constitution vii
enable them to continue unto the end.