The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1871-09-15
The Conquest of America.
From the Indianapolis News.

II.
who was a witness of the terrible
scenes which occurred at the time of
which the story tells. The Eaglish
satire, "The Battle of DOrking," sun
piled the suggestion for this tale:
You ask me to tell you, my chill
dren, of the events which Immediate
ly preceded the destruction of the
once great American Union, and the
capture of the country by the present
European rules, and to say some
: thing also of the cause which led to
these deplOrable results. / under
J take the task with heavy heart, for
/ when l revert to that terrible time
} 1 cannot help contrasting our proud
| condition up to that fatal year with
the humiliating position occupied
now by the American people. The
story is short one. In the fall OF
1872 Horace Greeley, the editor of
newspaper in New York, was elected
President Of the United States. The
people voted for him because they
thought he was an honest man.
And so he was. But he was
also vain and weak, and he entertain
ed certain fanotical and preposterous
notions-about agricultural matters,
for instance-Which he was deterInin-
ed to force upon the people at all
hazards, and despite all opposition.
He believed, among other things,
that every man ought to go TO the
| West to earn his bread, and long be-
fore he was chosen President he
used to advise everybody to move 20
that region, as a cure for all the dis
asters that could befall the human
family.
AS soon as he reached the Execu-
/ tive Mansion, which we used to call
the White House, President Greeley
organized an army of 100000 men,
and proceeded to force the entire
| population of the seabOard States
westward at the point of the bayo-
! net. The utmost violence was used.
! Those who resisted were shot down
and their dead bodies were carried
| Off to national factory which the
President had established for max
| ing some kind of fan tastical fertilizer.
All the large cities of the East were
depopulated, and the towns were en-
tirely empty. The army sWept be-
fore 1t millions of men, women, and
children until the plains west of Kan
sas were reached, when the pursuit
ceased and the army was drawn up
in a continuous line with orders to
shoot any person who attempted TO
visit the East. OF course, hundreds
of thousands of these poor creatures
perished from starvation. This
seemed to frighten President Gree
ley, and he sent message to Con-
gress recommending that 700,OOOvol-
umes of book Ofhis, entitled ''What
Know About Farming" Should
be voted for the relief Ofthe starving
sufferers, This Was done, and farm
ing implements and seeds were sup
piled, and then the millions OF
Wretched OHtcasts made an effort to
till the ground. Ofthe result OF this
will speak further on.
in the meantime the President was
doing infinitn harm to the country in
another way. His hand writing was
so fearfully and wonderfully bad that
no living man could read it. And
SO when he sent his first annual mes
sage to Congress-the document was
devoted wholly to the tariff and agri.
culturl-a sentence appeared which
subsequently was ascertained TO be
''Large cultivation of rutabagas and
beans is the only hope of the Amer
can nation, l am sure" The prin-
ters not being able to interpret this,
put it in the following form, i'm which
it went to the world: "The Gar Of
Russia couldn't keep clean ifhe wash
ed himself with the whole Atlantic
Ocean once a day." This peryrr-
sion of the message was Immediate
ly telegraphed to Russia by the Rus
sian Minister, and the Gar was SO
indignant that he Immediately de-
clared war.
Just at this time President Gree
ley undertook to write some letters
to Prince Bismarck upon the subject
of potato rot, and after giving his
singular vicws at great length, he
concluded with statement that il
the Emperor William said that sub.
soil plOWing was not good in light
soils, or that guano was better than
bone dust he y as '1iar, william
and slaveI" Of course the Emper-
or Immediately declared war, and
became an ally Of Russia and of
England, against which latter coun-
try Mr.. Greeley had actually begun
hOstilities already, because the Queen
in her speech from the throne, had
declared the IFE6HRe's advocacy of
tariff on pig iron incendiaFy, and
calculated to disturb the peace of na-
tons.
Unhappily, this was not the full
measure of our disasters The Pros
ident had sent TO the Emperor of
Austria a copy OF his book "Wha4 /
know" &c, with his autograph uDon
q fyleaf The Emperor mistook the
signature for a caFicatare Of the
Austrian eagle, and he heartily
Joined in the war against the United
States while France was provoked
to the same act by the fact that when
the French minister came to call
upon Mr.. Greeley to present his cre-
dentials, the President, who was
writing an editorial at the time, not
cOmprehending the French language,
mistook the ambassador for beg
gar, and without looking up handed
him a quarter and an order for a
clean shirt, and said to him, go West
youn gman-g0 West"
So all these nations Joined In max
ing war upon the United States.
They swOoped down upon our coasts.
and landed without opposition. for
these exposed portions of our nm
happy country were absolutely de-
serted. The President was afraid tn
call away the army from Kansas at
first, for fear the outraged people
upon the plains would come East i'm
spite of him. But at last ne did
summon the army to his aid, and Il
moved to the enemy. It was too late.
Before the troops reached Cincinnati
the foreigners had reached Washing
ton and ali the country east of Ohio.
and had hung the President, the Cab
met and every member of Congress.
n HI 4