South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1871-09-22
r E v E N u E.

Ii rs a we'll known fact that the revenue
has an army of assessors, collectors, iuspec-
tors, assistants, clerks, special agents, etc &,
in each district whose duty il is TO see that
Uncle Sam is not cheated oct of his lust
1--WE guess it's JUST deserts, and that the
combined salaries of these officers is about
equal TO the amount of revenue they collect.
A friend relates the following little sto.
ry,' for the truthfulness of which we will
not vouch:
am what some people ignorantly call
'irummer'-in other words, I'm travelling
clerk for the Great North American Tool
aud Agricultural Implement Manufacturing
Company aud, Us a matter of course, in
my various peregrinations over the country,
meet with some strange adventures.
Que evening drove into the little village
of Smithville, Tenn, aud stopped before
nice looking cottage, with the owner of
which thought might be able to Strike
a trade! as the surroundings indicated that
skilled and enterprising hand lad charge
| of them.
shouted 'hello,' and was answered by
the proprietor in person. stated my bu-
siness in as glowing terms az possible, and
wound up by asking him if he wished any
thing in my line.
We'll, no. he replied, you see, Pm As
SCISSOR of Internal Revenue for this district,
and my duties are such that have no time
for anything else
perhaps your neighbor over there said
|, pointing across the way, would buy a
few articles
He? He's Assistant Assessor of Inter
nal Revenue for this district, and it requires
all his time to attend to his many duties. /
guess he wouldn't buy anything
! 'Who lives in the next house down there 2
| inquired hopefully.
'Mr. Smith, Collector of Internal Reve-
nue. for this district. He has no time for
farming, and, of course, would buy nothing
in that line
'May be that the owner Of that fine man /.
sion on the hill, yonder, replied 1, solemn
ly, would take few of our agricultural
implements, as everything round him indi-
Gates
'Oh, no !! said he, interrupting me hc's
Assistant Collector Of Internal Revenue for
this district, and If no had all the farming
implements 10 the world he would not have
time to use them
'Does anybody else live in this town 2
asked, despairingly, for no other houses
were visible.
yes was the reply. Mr. Jones lives
just beyond the bill yonder, but he is In
spectOr of Internal Revenue for this dis
tIlct, and is never at home
Thunder and lightning said /, very
warmly; docs the Revenue Department
live here ? Is there blacksmith in the
place IF there is, may be he would like
some of our tools
Mr.. Simmons was our blacksmith, but
he received the appointment of Assistant
Inspector of Internal Revenue for this dis
trict last week, and 10 consequence of which
be has closed his shop for the present.
Us there man in this village who is
not connected with the Internal Revenue Of
this district p
/ asked this question as sarcastically as
possible, and with a faint-very faint
glimmering of hope.
well, yes, there's the Postmaster; but
he Is expecting to receive commission as
Inspector of Brandies and Whiskies for this
district think it useless to 90 to him
Where Is the hotel 2 asked, Disguised
eve have nouo--it has been changed to
a Bonded Warehouse for this district
do you collect enough revenue in this
district to pay yourselves ? asked for
information this time
No. sir, we do not but other districts
collect more than enough. Their surplus
~ appropriated to FIJI our defciency--tbus
things arc cqualized Don't you see the
philosophy Of it! What would the govern
mcnt be without n revenue p
Good evening, sir lie Left and 50 did
/. Up to this time l have failed to SEQ
the philosophy Of it,