Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1871-03-30
FHITE House.
March won, 10 siventy wo

have been money in me pocket
and reputation in me character il
| niver had found ont l was 6
cousin to me cousin Ulisses. One
throuble follows another so close
on its hnels that l have gore from
won schrape Until another wid
the greatest precision liver since
| landed at the Finite House
hasht Saturday ME wife Bridge,
rowled down her shlecves, tuck
off her opron, shlicked her hair
wild a whitewash brush, and came
from the dish-wather in the
Kitchen till the Blue Room, fhere
me cousin and mesilf were rading
over the reports of the San Do
mingo Commissioners, FIJI C h
were Mrit;en before they sailed,
for fear of .accidirt. Ye know il
the boat had gone down till the
bottom of the say, it would have
been n fareful loss till the coun-
thry not to have had any report
So me cousin Ulisses had them
write i: up before they stharted.
Bridget looked moighty indig-
nant, and said she wanted a tick
ct for Chicago and the price OF a
divorce. Before I could inter.
fere IN cousin had given her his
pass on the railroad, including
shtaterooRl and cigars, and had
given her five dollars in cash,
and she was gone. 1 rushed till
the doore, bat she quietly waived
me back wild n sh%pittoon, finch
struck me beyaht the left n
Axing me how was that for high,
she left in the direction of the
dippo. l fell back on a sofa. and
wint off in a swoon, IS ~sinseless
ga an average Congressman, me
set as tight as Dick Yates,
and me courtenance as finite as
alabastard. Me cousin thried
wather 10 bring Ins to, butt had
no more effect on me than shmall
bier would on me conSin. AT
lasht me cousin pried me taths
wild a fre-poker, and rs
Iuctantly washted a pint of ILL
giant fshky be pouring it among
me vital parts, whin l opened me
eyes. was calm az a hurricane
first, but soon became as wild
and uncomfortable as a lamb.
Me cousin said he was sorry he
gave Bridget the facilities for be-
coming a maid again, and LAYING
me to the cowld charities of the
but he saia he thought at
the time it would be a good thing
for me, but now he was %cohvinc-
ed it would create schanGal,
would ultimately lnjure
the family. So We t~ilegraphed
till me cousins brother i'll Chica-
90 to meet Bridget on her arriv-
al there, and conciliate her.
the dIvii is conclliate, Il
1t itis- orythfug wrong,
ne cousin will have won brother
.ess while 1 catch him.)
On retiring to me room, I found
! lether from Bfidger which told
ne all. She had paked through
kay-hole and witnessed an in
herview betuhe meself and a fa-
mali named Victoria Woodruff
Says Bridget III her
ether:
"ARRAH, TEDbY-Bad luck till yez. 1t
vas meself that lacked fbrrinst' the kay
lole and saw yez wild that woman, talk
ne about yez pantarchv, and yez cosmo
alacabdmhfetop. To the divil
Vid yez pantarchy. This is the Iasht
TeE will liver hear OF uie if divorces nave
not raised in value ip Chicago.
BRIDeEr McGRANr.
Now ills circumstance shows
that o shmali thing will create
he divil's own throuble in a
'amily. Whin that woman call
I'd to g me cousin Ulisses, he
me, in view of me in
sheresht in his welfare, to devise
some names to shpare him the
modification of being lectured
BY her, 40 7. put on me cousins
coat aud tuck a cigar, and towld
Gineral DIN. to admit her. Mind,
did this, not to crafty me own
ambition, but to asshisht me
She came in and began
to remove her outside garments,
axing me if 1 was her predeces,
+ Prisi6int oF Tho 0lor;oue