Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1871-03-26

BREyIrIEs AND LEvITIEs

"Stuck upn-Show bills.
The hard of war-Bombard,
On the wing-Flying colors.
A real sell-A mock auction.
Watered stock-Skating park.
Lame conclusion-A sore foot.
A. kitchen dresser-Bridget on Sun
day.
The SUMS firt: duty on rising-To strike
a light.
The best share In farm-The plough.
share.
Hard Case, Esq edits paper in Illi-
nois.
What have you to expect at a hotel 2
Inn-attention.
Persons who ''put head on it,
Photographers.
What the rat said to the empty steel
trap-f'Cheese il"
A good thing to bring the hair out-A
tomahawk.
Motto for the concrete contractors
Down with the dust.
When does chair dislike you2 When
it can't bear you.
Have the elements the right to brew a
storm without license2
Avoid debt-He that pays down will
not be called upon to pay up.
When are soldiers like good flannel9
When they don't shrink.
Hypocrites are the very ones to cry
that there's no such word as can't.
A question for aturalists-ought a
quadruped to be called fore runner 2
Why should one never sleep in the
cars The train runs over the sleepers.
When riding a donkey what kind of
fruit do you representa- A pear.
"Why is in.oxication like q wash
bowl ~ asked Sambo. ''Case it am de-
BASIN"
IL q woman were TO change her sex, of
what religion would she be A he-then.
Stages run so slow in some parts of
Vermont that the chickens roost on the
axles.
The latest version: 'Eat, drink, and
be merry, for to-morrow-you pay the
BILL"
care cats good to eat, mother2" "Of
course they are, my son-good to eat
mice"
An avaricious man, after having kin
died his fire, stuck a cork in the end of
the bellows to save little wind that was
left in them.
Mr.. Digby says he has a great railway
at home, but has never yet been able to
conduct her.
Why are birds melancholy in the morn
ing2 Because their little bills are all over
devil
A reason why piano was not saved at
fire was because none of the firemen
could play on it.
A tale more narrowing than any of
SylYanus Cobb's-The tail of Clark Mills
equestrian statue.
Why is clergyman like locomotives
Because you are to look out for him when
the bell rings.
An illiterate man is derided for that
which, in many of education, wins sp
plsuse- making his mark
Reading, Pennsylvania first politician,
now in Europe, is not only Hester, but
also Clymer.
A school girls oOnundEum is: What
State is round on both ends and high in
the middle2 Ohio.
Anna Story was recently married to
Robert Short A very pleasant way of
making Story Short.
Why is the Sheriff like coquette? Be
cause he gets new man on the string every
once in while.
A sign, announcing "The Vacuum
Cure" is hung out from the window of
an eating house in London.
"The light of other days has fed. "
And good job, too; for who would like
oil lamps in preference to gas?
A Western paper hints that MIR. Sew
ards chum, the Mikado, is an Irishmsn,
and that his real name is McAdoo.
Cations doctrine of Hereditary Genius
illustrated-Grant's son at the foot of his
class in the military academy.
Why is baby poor euchre player
Because it can't ego alone" (Of course
not, when its mother Stakes it up.D
Motley says that Grant is ''dumb as an
OYSTER" What have the oysters done
that they should be sssailed in that wsyl
Gail Hamilton thinks that the trouble
with the woman's Fighters is, that they
want to live like women and be paid like
men.
Realities of life-''Resl estate, real
money, and a real good dinner, none Of
which can be realized without real hard
work"
There are fifteen newly married couples
residing on one street in Peoria. 1t now
bears the soubriquet of ''Turtle Dove
Lane"
''Poor Lucinda took that circumstance
much to heart" ''Did she, indeed. The
poor girl l wish l was that circum'
stance"
A Boston lady having been asked if
she was an admirer of Trollope's novels,
replied, 'Yes, have always been Troll
lopologer."
Frank Bird maintains that the phrases
to 'sit down" and ''sit up" are proper.
He says he used to ''sit up" with gal
thirty years ago.
Under the head of 'Iost Races of
America, a gentleman is getting up list
of the most celebrated horses which have
been beaten.
A poor author is much like WORKOUT
printing press. He may strive hsTd aud
use much ink, but he will never make q
good impression.