The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1871-04-21
III U M O r. o U s.

now that thou art married, tell tnee 10
keep them half shut"
A man asked another to come aud dine
off boiled beef and potatoes with him.
"That l WILL" says the other "and it's
rather odd It should be exactly the same
dinner had at home myself, barring the
beef"
"What do you mean by cat and dog
life 2" said husband to his angry wife.
"Look at Carlo and Kitty asleep on the
rug | wish men lived half as peacefully
with their wives" "Stop," said the lady,
.'tie them together, and see how they will
agree" acf4a s.s.t.
The other day little shaver was expa-
tiating on the injurious effects of tobacco.
Said he: "The oil of tobacco is so poison
Gus that a single drop of it on the end of a
dogs tail will kill man in minute"
The boy had got things slightly mixed.
"Fellow-trabelers," said a "cullud"
preacher, "ef I had been eatin' dried
apples for week, and den took to drink
in for mont, l couldn't feel more swell'd.
up dan am dis minnt wild pride and
vanity at SEEM such full tendance har dis
evenin'."
A Cockney tourist met with Scotch
lassie going barefooted toward Glasgow.
"Lassie," said he II should like to know
If all the people in this part go barefoot
ed? "Part of 'em do, and the rest OF 'em
mind their own business" was the rather
settling reply. a~-t
A marble.cutte near Lockport recently
received from German an order for a
tombstone, with the following epitaph =
any wife Susan is dead if shed had life
till next Friday she'd been ded shust two
week. As tree falls so must she stand.
All things is impossible NIT God"
The fact that the marriage of the Lord
of Lorne and the Princess Louise took
place during Lent, has created quite a
futter in High Church circles in England.
Punch, of course, ridicules these scruples.
Here is one of his notes:
CLERICAL ERROR.
"High" Parsons would have scruples tarry,
When they propose to wed in Lent
But why? The sooner people marry,
The sooner, mostly, they repent.
A very touching story about conscien-
tious chicken is thus related: "a youth
full hen found an egg, and yielding to the
vernal instinct, sat upon it, until the pro-
cess of incubation was complete. Her mo-
Their who had laid the egg and had taken
great pains in shaping and coloring it,
came along, and seeing only the broken
shell, burst into tears and said: ALIAS my
daughter, who has destroyed my favorite
egg i? The feathered offspring quickly
..cracJoI oannot toll 1io m nj h .
cannot tell lie; !. did it with my little
hatch it,
The Greek aristocracy are by no means
pleased with the conduct of the King,
Georgios Rotos. He is charged with being
a trifing sort of fellow, too fond strong
drink, and perfectly happy only when
playing with his tame birds, of which he
has great many. In consequence Of this
prediction of their sovereign, the Athe-
mans say sneeringly: "If the bandits in
the mountains were only magpies, the
King would have caught them long ago. y
"DINNER HORN" Joshua Billings dis
courses thereon "Dinner Horn" This is
the oldest and most sakred horn there il.
1t is set tew musk, and plays "Home
Sweet Home" about noon. 1t has bin
listened tew with more rapturous delight
than even Graffulal's band haz. Yu kan
hear it further than yu kan one ov Mr..
Rodman's guns. 1t will arrest man and
bring him in quicker than sheriffs war
rent 1t ken outfoot any other noise. 1t
kauzes the deaf to hear, and the dunn to
shout for joy. Glorious old instrument
long may yure lungs last.
Mothers-in-law are usually the subject
of derision to Punch; but the old cynic
makes the following exception:
Happy the man who, when he takes bride,
Kspouses her alone, and none beside;
And doth not find, as many husbands do,
That be has married her relations too.
Let him that needs must wed select wife
Whose parent, both, departed have this life,
Her sole regard that he may comprehend,
And prove the else friendless orphans only
friend.
Blsst in the mother be acquired by law2
Exceptions to all rules in time are born
Long live thy mother -in-law, Lord of Lorne!
- "Now, gentlemen" said peripatetie
lecturer to a somewhat noisy crowd who
had gathered to one of his seances in an
Eastern village, chow would you like q
good blackguard story? All in favor will
raise their hands" Nine-tenths of the
dexter paws present instantly went up
aud there was sudden hush Of all noisy
demonstrations. The lecturer went on
with his original subject for few minutes
when some incautious individual broke
out with, "Say, where's that story p
"Bless you," was the reply, II did moi
intend to tell any such story. only
wanted to know how many blackguards
were present." You might have heard a
pin drop any time during the lecture, after
that.
THE TWINS OF BERLIN. Describing the
march of the Landwehr into Berlin on the
Emperor's birthday, correspondent
writes zone woman l saw with two
babes, plainly twins. She wanted to hug
her husband, but if she did she must drop
one of the babies. A comrade, whom no
wife claimed and who was, suppose, q
sort of Landwehrman Brother CHEEKY ble,
genially relieved her of one baby, which
be carried with singular address on his left
shoulder. The young one pulled the nose
gay out of the mnzzle of the needle gun
carried on the other shoulder And so the