The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-05-06


Abijah Simpkins was the most patient
man we ever knew. In his life he had
enough 10 try the patience of saint,
yet he maintained his imperturbability, i
and was never known to speak an angry I
word or give an angry look.
If ever man deserved canonization, it I
was Abiah; his wife kept up cannon
ade of vituperative >adiuraiion nearly |
every minute he was in the house. His
universal placidity would sometimes
rouse the female Simpkins to such pitch |
that dishes from the table and small arti-
cles of furniture would fy about the
room promiscuously, and Mr.. s. would be
compelled Iguominiously to flee from the
citadel.
Simpkins had prosperous business in
an interior city, and he was ore. of the
most generous of men; no wish Of his
wife, however extravagant, was ungrati-
fed, yet nothing suited her; articles that
she herself selected would cot suit for
day; and ON poor Simpkin's head were
poured the entire walls of her nonsuited
wrath
Previous to marriage Mrs. s. had ap-
peared as entirely destitute of temper as
her lover and Simpkins thought in se-
curing such a wife he was securing
priceless treasure but marriage changed
the colour derose to colour de diabte.
Mrs s. had cousin of the male per-
suasion he possessed a large, course
person, surmounted by an amazing shock
laf red hair, of the fneness of swine S
brisfles.
Although cousin somewhat remote,
he never was far distant from Simpkins'
house. Being poor and too lazy to work,
he at Mrs. SIS solicitation, became an
inmate of her home. and his support de-
volved en- the family.
Abijah accidently entered his parlor a,
F an inoportune moment one day, and dis
covered Mrs s. and her cousin in close
embrace, drinking sweetness long drawn
out, from dallying lips. He was assailed
by Mrs. s., with the pleasing salutation
"Prying sneak, what do you want
r here ?''
.Nothing, my love-yes, there is,
: want O book which | came for :" replied
Simpkins.
: "Wen, take it, and relieve us of you
hateful presence. Cousin Hiram has met
! with a severe loss he has just received
! snews of the death of second cousin il
: India, whom he has never seen, and
am trying to assuage his grief" Here
. cousin Hiram commenced to Sob sNos
j if you have found your book. take your
I self of, and don't again interrupt m
r when am consoling my poor, forlori
= orphan relative"
$ s.Certainly not my love, excuse me;
' and, exit Simpkins.
7 When all we're retired for the night
and the usual curtain lecture commenced
4 Mrs. S. dilated to Simpkins on the er
ormity of his offeuse in entering unbid
G den where sacred grief was holdin
O sway
E "My DEAR" said Simpkins, acould yo
not assuagc your relatives grief in sem
q other manner? Do you think the, ,positio
f in which l found you was hardly apprc
; pirate p
= Now the vials of wrath were fully un
a corked. S. retreated, after receiving
IS slight scalp wound, and spent the nigh
. in another apartment. Mrs. Simpkin
II after removing the loose change from he
"a husbands s clothing, pitched them into til
+ hall, locked the door, and regainee hs
4 bed to mediate and dream.
a suspicious man would have disco
: cred with shalt an eye" that Mrs. S. ";
growing remarkably affectionate towarc
10 cousin Hiram but Simpkins was not
suspicious man. He daily saw the e'
:. dearing looks and actions, and at the t
). BILE saw the choicest dainties placed c
cousin Hiram's plate. He did not r
monstrate if he did remark those signi
cant indications; he merely retained h
= usual placidity.
Returning one day from business at Q
o earlier hour than usual, Abijah let hin
self in with latch key, and proceede
b. directly to his sleeping apartment to pc
to form his ablutions removing bis Goa
er he poured some water into the Hashbo'
ne and commenced washing A noise fro
the other side of the room attracted b
p attention and caused him to turn b
head. What did he sec To his marit
ng couch were reposing the forms Of his vi
ur and cousin Hiram. What did he dc
wo he merely said, aexcuse me, nv dear
,e. and went on with his washing.
te. Mrs. S. soon found her tongue al
IS, ordered him out of the ROOM
Ter "But where shall 90 ?" said S.:
he soon as 81 have finished my ablutions
rer will retire.
lie $50 to the d-I;" replied Mrs.
uyi Simpkins finished washing his han,
res and face, parting his back hair evenl
carefully busted his coat, put it on, we
X out of the room, closed the door. desce
on ded the hall stairs, took his hat from d
IL rack, and having adjusted the KNAPP
". the proper direction, put it on his he
aud departed from the house. He pr
civ ceeded to his lawyer, calmly related VII
am he had seen, and asked his advice.
alk W hat shall you do p. said Jud
we Hardy, staring in blank astonishment
in Simpkins. s'Why, divorce, of cour
so. "Ill commence an action for you
on once r
Simpkins said he bore her no malis
we but perhaps it was best to get divor
,es then she could follow her inclination a
nat cousin Hiram
Mr. s. retnrned home nt an unusna