The union Democrat. [volume] (Sonora, Calif.) 1854-1946, 1871-01-21

i.y of this extra parochial scaramouch. and
subsequently by delineating to you the in
tiamatory character of his photographic de-
famations.
The appellatorv cegnomea of nv propugad-
tor is as vet unascer,ained by me-; but the
putrid atmosphere of his rcral gazettes sup
plies me with ample premises whence may
draw the very logical conclusion that il is
better his nomenclature should dormitate in
letharsic somniferositv under the outrageous
canopy pf perpetual oblivion. The uads Ct
ono of this pharmaconolist of letters is like
wise tefTc iRcogait1-hut if | ray again
draw from the exnberant fountain Of my ca
paeous imagination. | would dauntlesslv pro-
nounee him to be the phlagadenie exereSence
Of the sequestered alleys of city. or some
campes,ral cypher of semi hsrharous rus,ici-
tv; and that his cansarguineal blood rela-
tions are either the Iliginous ohtrancatious of
amalgamated yagahordisn, or some voraccus
Nebuehadaexors Of verdure, whose sole mani
festa,ion of pe,ecraaiant consisted in
seouacious precacity IL increase their sSdom-
iaal rotun3itv, nv matutiaas. vesperonal.
and nocturnal manducations of the homogen-
eeus and heterogeneous quintessence OF ami
mated nature.
When those panhilionaceous carnations
frcm the Quill of this scrivener first appeared
in this portion of our spherical world, | upnn
peru>al. was disposed To he listle risible
from the ridlculositv of the sentiments con-
tanned therein: hut. afterwards, growing indi
rant at the total racuum of sv,ogis,ic,
even enthymematic formali,v. as we'll as It
the uniustifable homicide of the plain rules Of
orthegraphy. etymulosv, svntax aud prosidv.
voclieratad for the aapihla.ion of this
grammar killing basi,aopolite. and his subit-
] ey fr.1 ha
of erudite education. | discovered that in
fammahiliiy Of speech and sunerla,;vely
scurrilous vitupcration were the Te,Y,f,,jon
and the kepadidioa Of his literary researches.
! Solid, substantial terminating matter was
| non est inceRtiS through the whole Of his nv
ramidical volume. Protervitv, superfiuitv.
and super vacaneosity. pervaded the total-
| ty; torrents of plagiarism deluged the sen'en-
ces : the mists of equiroctial ignorance en-
velopai the original paragraphs, in fine, al!
the effnsons were ultramontane evomitations
of turpitude, turgescence, and beteroclitical
monstrosity. Such is the nature of the fam
miverous catapults that have been projected
in derogation of my literary renown. and
such the character of the pusillanimous biped
that has sought to demigrate with the tene-
brose ink ofcorrupsability, my immortal glory,
and tear, with volcanic grasp, the resplen-
dent laurels from my victorious brow
| Alas when | reflect ard cogitate, how the
me1dacious weapon of idiosyncracy had near
ly penetrated my immaculate character and
brought liscredit on the celebrated Heroti of
whom | am an humble representative, l be-
come lachrymose and l calculate a barytone
sigh for the prosperous age of our untrammel-
ed freedom, when we, of the faculty, could
castgate Gd Hbium, and 1aggellate even to
excoriaton, the dOrSol rertebra of turbulent
urchins; but now we cannot vesicate an inch
of an obstrepherous Juvenile without being
made the subject of defamatory invective.
And whereas we could nulio obstante on
frigifed morning in days of yore. take plunge
in the liquid abysses of the whisky cask and
become decently inebrated at stated periods
of conviviality .jocundity and jollification, now
we cannot protrude our nasal appendages be-
You'd the oderiferous threshold of Mrs Fla
herty's spirit vaults, to expel frigifcation and
impart the elixir of vitality to our corporal
machinery through the instrumentality of al
coh0lic panacea, butthat this venial peccadilo
will be transmutated into a nefarious pro-
ceedihg by those itinerant termagants whose
opprobrious epithets and dedecorated insinu-
atoms are heaped upon us in the clangous
succession of Niagarean winter showers. o
tempord- o mores' -!
you, on this the nones of November, to depre-
cate, even to conculcation, the e.eemosyna-
ry introductors Of such miasmatic vapors-to
decapitate those cataphrestieal peregrini who
unsluice the flood gates Of their amphibious
minds to irrigate the fertile plains of your
moral tendencies, and II reiterate with
colossal determination, though with demu-
cent vereeundity, | will suppIicate toe i'm
mortal deities Of the Olympian turrets to aux
iliate me in my adventurous attempt-I will
beseech the paternal Jupiter to incinerate
him with his Illuminating thunderbolts~-I
will invocate Titan TO coniect his lapidieular
missiles on hisconcocting perecranium for his
speedy pulverization and will in a gen
ut1ectent orson, pray the bellipotent Mars to
strike terror into his mortal mechanisui, and
TO anathematize him with the conflicting mar
daathd of empiternal vengeance,