The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-07-27
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

"Gcntlcmen," said a publican to
his guests at midnight, 81 don't
know whether you have talked
enough or not but as for myself |
am going to shut up"
Political Economy. The man who
earns e dollar n day and spends the
same, comes to the end of his rope
on Sunday, when he must either
%starvc'or go a visiting.
A proverb and a fact are thus, with
a perccptiblc flavor of malice, put in
juxtaposition by the Boston POST!
"Thosc whom the gods love die
young. Greeley is Co."
At a recent English wedding the
brides pet terrier got into the church,
and upon the administration Of the
post.ccrcmonial kiss went for the
bridegroom in a remarkably demon
strativc manner.
Speaking Of the condition of a pa
ticnt, a doctor remarked to his legal
friend that "his constitution was
nearly gone" "Then let him fall back
on his bylaws was the cruel re-
ply.
An lrishman having jumped into
the water to save man from drown
ing, upon receiving q quarter from
the person as a reward for the SER
vice, looked first at the money and
then at him, and at last exclaimed
"Im overpaid for the job
The most remarkable recommended
ton of q watering place yet offered
to the public, is that of an enthusi-
astic admirer Of a resort in New
York. "At the foot of Ball HILL"
says he, there is a plot OF ground
covered with stones, where parties
can kill twenty-five ra]ttlcsnakcs any
warm morning"
The famed mosquitoes Of New
Jersey are being cclipscd by the ap-
pcarancn there of a new blood-lctter,
called the winged porcupinc,"
which has concealed under its wings
a number Of fine quilts, and shoots
them atany one attempting to capture
it. These work into the skin, causing
a painful irritation.
a contemporary remarks =" And
now the cry comes up once more
against the miserable accommodate
tons Of our summer hotels. Isn't it
time for a reform in this matter?
Corn husk beds, iniinitcsimal pill
lows, damp and ragged towels, soap
harder than the heart of New York
belle, scanty water and unreliable
gas iiXtures-such are the miserlcs
to be endured by those who seek
summer rest i'll most of the lauded
watering places. Where do these
landlords expect to 90 whcn they
die 7"
An ingenious German has gained
a great reputation in New York by
his success in training coach horses
to a grand gait. lie uses no burr-bit
or other cruel contrivancc, and peo-
pie couldn't sec how he did it, until
it was found that he put ma%gnilyins
goggles upon his horses, which made
cobblc-stoncs look like bouldcrs, and
they acquired a grand tread trying to
step over them.
An exchange says il knows of n
boy who accidentally swallowed a
silver half-dollar, They gave him
warm water and tartar clnctic, and
antimonial wine, and pokcd their
fingers down his throat until the
boy thought Inc would throw up his
toc-nails. After u while u doctor
came along who understood such
cases. lie administered asmalI dose
Of patent medicine, and in less than
ten minutes the boy threw up the
half dollar in iive-ccnt pieces. Science
is u great thing.
One Of the most curious wills ever
made was by an Englishman, at
MoutgaiIlard, in 1872, thus quoted
in Once n Week: at is my will that
any one of my relations who shall
presume to shed tears at my funeral
shall be disinhcritcd. lie. ON the
other hand, who laughs the most
heartily shall be sole heir. | order
that neither the church nor my
hearsc shall be hung with black cloth,
but that, on the day of my burial the
hearsc and church shall be decorated
with flowers and green boughs. In
stead of the tolling of bells, | will
have drums, tiddlcs and flies. All
musicians of Mcntgaillard and its
cnvirons shall attend the funeral.
Fifty Of them shall open the process
ION uuiIh lunliun Iunnc unlIrnr n1,l