The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-12-16
CORRESPONDENTS.
Our Alligator Boots.
BY REEMUe.

In an urgaried and luckless moment We on
dered pair Of new boots-boots largo enough
to put on the outside and around our pedal ex'
tremities-boots OF prodigious length, immenss
breadth and stspendous thickness. We not only
committed the wretched blunder OF ordering
new boots, but. in state of imbecile weakness,
we yielded to the cunning Establishments of a
friend, so-called, ard concluded to have those
boots made from the hides Of those charming,
cheerful, docile, aniahle and sportive beasts
known as Allig ators. 1t did not matter, when
our rash choice had been made public, that we
were told that there were not enough Alligators
in all Georgia to furnish sufficient hides for the
purpose! Our mind was made up. We would
have Alligator boots if 1t took the hides off from
every Alligator in the South!
This point settled, We proceeded mathemati.
cally to the next. We had our feet properly
measured. A surveyor, fag.man and two chain.
men were put to work, and otter a weeks labor
finished the job. They found the section corn.
ers, and buried rocks and charred wood, deep
in the soil at different points. Tho (b;union
patches were properly designated, and the corn
fields staked out. Distances between the toes
were ascertained by triangulatiop, and the ele-
vation of the instep by a similar process The
latitude and longitude were figured by sea
captain tof canal boat A civil enpineer drew
plans for locks bridges and dams, the latter we
slung in ourselfl An architect drew plans
and specifications, and made pictures showing
front elevations, elengatious, frontage, &C.,
and we advertised for scaled proposals. Prescott
was the ualucky man. We shrink from enumerat.
ing the horrors which that wreched boot.
encountered with his band of brave assistants in
pursuit of those AliIgators. No wonder that
his beard is now white. Suffice it to say that,
not until he had exterminated nearly every
saurian south of Mason & Dixon's line, did he
procure enough hide for our purpose. The boots
were built the largest of those Texan pra.
ries, and brought home in sections on raft, and
now we wear them.
Large? Yes, some! Their cubic contents
rival those of the pyramids of Egypt, and tho
openings ct the tops of the legs much resemble
the mouth of Simm's hole into the center Of the
earth, They are three sizes to large for tho
Colossus OF Rhodes. Had Noah found them
when he desired to get away from that damp
ness spoken of Of old, he would net have needed
an ark, for he could have put all the animals in
one boot and preserved the ark in the other.
Although have to 20 out of town to ret
room to turn around, and they reach 60 far in
all directions that we cannot get within speak
ing distance of any one, yet we like them; and
yetwe are not happy, because occasionally they
manifest some Of the charac Of the beasts
who wore them first. They seem to have q
yearning desire for flies and mud holes, and can
not sing solitory note They don't ever squeak
and they have an irresistible desire to 90 for
dogs One evening lately they took US a block
out of our own way in rapid pursuit 81 a kinky.
headed pcaninuy; and almost every morning
when about to put them on, we find that thew
have swallowed all the cats in the ueighborhood.