The Republican journal., 1871-08-17

He yearned over it retlcctivcly Il moment,
and then asked, with disparaging man
| ner who cut it. l came back at him
promptly with u "You did !" l had him
there. Then he fell to stirring up his
| lather and regarding himself in the glass,
stopping now and then to get close and
examine his chin critically or torture a
pimple Then he lathered one side of my
face thoroughly. and was about to lather
the other. when dog fight attracted his
| attention, and he ran to the window and
stayed and saw it out, losing two shillings
on the result in bets with the other bar
bers, thing which gave me great salts
| faction. lie finished lathering, meantime
| getting the brush into my mouth only
| twice, and then began to rub in the suds
with his hand and as he now had his
head turned, discussing the dog fight with
the other BARRIERS, he naturally shoveled
considerable lather into my mouth with
| out knowing it, but | did. He now be-
| gan to sharpen his razor on an old sus-
| pender, and was delayed good deal on
| account of controversy about q cheap
masquerade ball he had figured at the
night before, in red cambria and bogus
ermine, as some kind of a king. He was
so gratifed with being chaffed about some
| damsel whom he had smitten with his
charms, that he used every means to con-
tinue the controversy by pretending to be
annoyed at the chailings of his fellows. The
| matter begotmore suryeyings of himself in
| the glass, and he put down his razor and
brushed his hair with elaborate care,
| plastering an inverted arch of il down Oh
his forehead accomplishing an accurate
part" behind. and brushing the two
wings forward over his ears with nice cX-
! actness. In the meantime the lather was
drying on my face, and apparently eating
into my vitals. Now he began to shave,
digging his fingers into my countenance
to stretch the skin, making a handle of my
nose now and then, bundling and tumbling
my head this way and that as convenience
in shaving demanded and ''hawking' and
eXpectoratng pleasantly all the while.
As long as he was on the tough side of
my face did not suffer; but when he be-
gan to rake. and rip and tug al my chin,
the tears came | did not mind his garlic,
because all BARRIERS eat garlic | suppose;
but there was an added something that
made me fear that he was decaying In
wardly while still alive, and this gave me
much concern. He now put his finger in
to my mouth to assist him in shaving the
corners Of my upper lip, and it was by
this bit of circumstantial evidence that |
discovered that part of his duties in the
shop was to clean the kerosene lamps. !
had often wandered in an indolent way
whether the BARRIERS did that, or whether
it was the boss. About this time | was
amusing myself trying to guess where he
would be most likely to cut me this time,
but he got ahead of me and sliced me on
the end of the chin before | had got my
mind made up. He Immediately sharp
ened his razor-he might have done it be-
fore. | did not like a close shave, and
would not let him 90 over me a second
time. | tried to get him TO put up his
razor, dreading that he would make for
the side of my chin, my pet tender spot, Il
place which a razor cannot touch twice
without making trouble. But he said he
only wanted 50 just smooth OIL one little |
roughness, and in that same moment he
slipped his razor along forbidden ground, |
and the dreaded pimple signs of a close
shave rose up Smartng and answered to
the call. Now he soaked his towel in bay
rum. and slapped it all over my face
hastily; slapped it over rs if 4 human be-
ing ever vet washed his face in that way. |
Then he dried it by slappng with the dry |
part of the towel, as if 4 human being ever |
dried his face in such fashion; but n
barber seldom rubs you like Christian. |
Next he poked the bay rum into the cut
place with his towel, then chokcd the |
wound with powdered starch, then soak
ed it with bay rum again. and would have
gone on soaking and powdcring forever
more, no doubt, if | had not rebelled and |
begged off. He powdered my whole face
now, Strengthened me up and began to
pillow my hair thoughtfully with his hands
and examine his fingers critically Then
he suggested shampoo, and said my hair
needed it badly, very badly. l observed
that l had shampooed it myself very
thoroughly in the bath yesterday. chad |
him. again. He next recommended some |
of "Smiths Hair Gloriier," and offered |
to sell me bottle. I declined. lie
praised the new perfume, "Jones' Delight |
OF the Toilet" and proposed to sell me
some of that | declined again. He
rendered me Il tooth-wash atrocity of his
own invention, and when declined offer
ed to trade knives with me. He returned
to his business after the miscarriage Of
this last enterprise, sprinkled ne all over,
legs and all, creased my halr III defiance !
of my protests against it, rubbed and
scrubbed Il good deal of it out by the roots
and combed and brushed the rest, parting
it behind and plastering the eternal invert-
ed arch of hair down on my forehead, and
then, while combing my scant eyebrows
and deliling them with pomade, strung |
out an accout of the achievements Of Il |
siX-ounce black and tan terrier of his till |
heard the whistle blow for noon, and
knew | was five minutes too late for the |
train. Then he snatched away the towel, |
brushed it lightly about my face, passed |
his comb through my eyebrows once
more, and gayly sang out "Next"
This barber fell down and died of
apopleXy two hours later. | am waiting |
over q day for my revenge-I am going
to attend his funeral. Mark Twain in
Ialayy