Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1871-03-30
WIT .AND WISDOM.

rake heed OF reeoneiled enemy.
Go not to law without great cause.
Gluttony kills more than the sword.
Goodness always euriches its pos
SCISSOR. -----'------
bridge. : -
Good manners are sure to procure re-
spect. ---- - =, - : : = =
Few vices will often obscure many
virtues.
Good actions are the most acceptable
sacrifices. - -,
Fair faces have sometimes fair condi-
tiOns.
Make not fool of thyself to make
Others merry. ,... .-..
| Without the rich heart, wealth is but
an ugly beggar.
Vanity is strong drink that makes
all the virtues stagger. -.
Won Moltke can speak every dialect
and language of Europe.
1t is fashionable now to have the
dancing floors for large balls carpeted.
Gold is thefool's curtain, which hides
all his defects from the world.
There is no fault in poverty, but the
minds that think so are faulty.
When is fish pond like bird cage?
When there's a perch in it. 4r-.
Why is the world like piano ? Ee-
cause it's full of sharps and flats.
Whv is the figure nine like a pea.
cock Because it is nothing without
Its tail. s. ..sas .liilJ
Why am intoxication like a wash
bowl ?"' asked Sambo. ssDunno." ssBe
cause it am de BASIN" :
Why will next year be like last Be
cause last year was 1870, and next year
will be 1872 (too). 4, ...s-
Why is the tongue like race horse I?
Because the lighter its load the faster it
runs. 80
LABOR LosT.-An organ-grinder
playing at the door of deaf and dumb
asylum. f.- Fl
An arch girl should always be an
archer, for she can bend her beau as she
pleases. .4-i q ~
Many live upon the. promises they
make. They never expect to keep
their word, but to be kept by 1t. 1
What is thedifference between SAIL
or and soldier: One tars his ropes,
the other pitches his tent. o1
An old bachelor says that burning
leap year the Ladies jump at every offer
OF marriage-hence the term.
A handsome young lady being asked
1T she ever gave a kiss, replied, ''No
but I've often had one st0len.n
A new, Zealand chief maintained
that he had a good title to his land, be-
cause he had eaten its former owner.
"Mr. Brown, lowe you grudge;
remember that" II shall not be
frightened, then, for / never knew YOU
to pay anything that you oHed.'
Why is law like sieve? Because
you can see through it but you must be
greatly reduced before you can get
through it. -
An editor received a letter in which
weather was spelled ''wethur." He
said it was the worst spell of weatherhe
ever saw.
Dean Swift said: 1t is with narrow
sOuled people as t is with narrow-neck-
ed bottles; the less there is in them the
more noise they make in pouring it
out. = g.
Jas. r. Lowell critically says: Late
poets have got hold of a mistaken ides
that imagination is common sense in
side out, and not common sense sub
lined.
What reasons have we to suppose
that beer was made in the Ark The
kangaroo Was seen to go with hops and
the bear was always Bruin.
The reason why woman has her way
$50 much 0ftener than man is, that both
he and she are conscious that her way
is the best
Some one called Richard Steele the
the "vilest of mankind" He re-
,torted, with proud humility. at
would be glorious world If wefe."
An Irish magistrate, eensuring some
boys for lettering in the street, said, "If
everybody were to stand in the streets,
how could anybody get byen
An Irish schoolmaster recently in
formed his pupils that the feminine
gender should be applied to all ships
and vessels afioat, except mail seasaers
and 1ie,i-Of-war.
"Ah Jemmy,' said sympathizing
friend to q man who was Just too late
for the train, "you did not run fast
enough" "Yes, / did," said Jenny,
'T ran quite fast enough, but did not
start soon enough"
The imputatiOn of inconsistency ia
one to which every sound politician or
honest thinker must sooner or later
subject himself. The foolish and the
dead alone never change their opinions.
1t may be put down as fiaet that the
men you see hanging about public pla-
ces from day to day are the right ma
are the men who become dangerous
characters.
When boys sell papers in Geneva,
Switzerland, the law forbids them to
announce the contents. There may
be. the most exciting news, but the boys
only cry the name of the paper and the
fact that there is an extra if he has
one.
"Why you'd better knock the door
down! What do wants"-'sOch, my
darling. don't let me wake any Of your
family. Pm just using your knocker.
to wake the people next door. Pm
locked out dye seei and they've niver
a knocker." s.sl.
A Hoosier critic compares Nilsson to
the "Venice di Medica, and declares
that her "dulcet and divine warblings"