The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1871-06-15
HUMOROUS.


A time to run-When YOU are in hur-
ry.
A drawing-room-Ap artment of dem
fist.
'sA backward spring" is produced by
presenting red-hot poker to a mans nose.
A bad marriage is like an electric
machine: it makes you dance, but you
can't let go.
A bachelor compares a shirt-buttOn to
life, because it so often hangs by a thread.
''Come in out of the wet" said the shark,
when he swallowed the boy.
A man whom we can put up with-a
good hotel keeper.
What word may be pronounced quicker
by adding two more letters to it?-Quick.
Domestic Cookery.-The best way to
make rice-pudding-The milky way.
A Swedish gentleman sup North' bears
the name of Tinaltrigeng Fedislaylangelag-
longryest. Tasty name for wedding
card.
In the exact sciences-Can homly wo-
man with Grecian bend be accurately de-
scribed as an ''inclmed plane ?'
10 cure toothache, you should hold a
certain root in your hand-the root of the
tooth, you know.
A conclusive argument against suicides
is, that it is the height of impoliteness to go
anywhere until you are sent for.
An exchange mentions case beyond the
ordinary oculists. 1t is that of young
lady who, instead of a common pupil, has a
college student in her eye.
n. ~. 4
kind of nuts she should buy for him.
'Doughnuts, mamma, me. can cack 'em
with my tooths."
''AIr. Jones, what makes the canary
sleep on one leg" ST. don't think any
body makes him my dear; | think lie does
it of his own accord"
1t is said that the New Jersey watering
places are rapidly filling up with mosqui-
toes, and never before were they so tho
roughly organized and confident Of sue
cess.
''Oh, grandma ~ cried nlischeyous lit
tie urchin, 81 cheated the hens so nicely
just now. threw themyour gold beads, and
they thought they were corn and ate then,
up as fast as they could"
''NIy DEAR" said husband to his wife
SPIN going to start coffee plantation. p
''How'll you get the land?' sob, there's
no trouble about that; | always have plen-
ty of coffee grounds in my cup"
An incomprehensible idiot asks: ssWhat
is the difference between 'hundred-les
bug and half-dozen penny oranges p
And then, with fiendish delight, he an
swers: "One is centipede and the other
a cent-a-piece."
A good way to get sick is to go shoppin,
every day in the week, eat ice cream AM
cakes for dinner, drink strong tea for sup
per TO strengthen the nerves, and fret tn
balance of the time because you haven
sufficient means to buy all the fancy good
displayed.
ut generally takes twenty Years Of train
ing TO eradicate the word nice from a wo
mans vocabulary. The Falls of Niagara
the Psalms of David, and the progress 0
the human race" says a fond father
''were all nice to my eldest till she go
married"
The question, Does getting drunk evel
advance ones happiness? would seem t,
be put to rest by the Irishman who wen
counting when drunk, and was asked wha
pleasure he found in whiskey: ''Oh
Biddy, it's trate intirely, to see two o
your purity faces instead of one ~
In reply to young friend leaving
town because some things in it were no
exactly to her taste or content, an old lad,
of experience said, ''My dear, when yol
have found place where everybody AM
everything are always pleasant, and moth
ing whatever is disagrceable, let me know
and Pll move there too"
If it were as easy to invent credibl
ialsehood as it is to believe one, we Should
have little else in print. The mechanical
construction of falsehood is matter o
the grayest import; a lie which in sobe
narrative is universally secuted, may b,
sdonc up like new" in pungent epigram
and will be as universally credited.
A verdant young man in Maine yisitet
Portland last week for the first time, and il
his meandering around town to see tn
sights, wandered into an engine-house
After gazing at the steamer sometime, h
turned, inquiringly to one of the boys, ant
said: "Say, mister, is that brass band p
And being answered in the negative an,
told what it was, he continued: swell
what do you do with it? | should like l.
see it work, but l'yc sot my mind on
bragg hand and | tho,obt this ,voo II -