The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1871-03-31
A COLD IN THE HEAD.

The Views Of "John PauI'' Thereon.
From Every Saturday.
II any mistakes arc visible in the pres.
ent writing attribute them to my having
q bad cold. No man alive can spell cor.
rectly or write good grammar with bad
cold-e -especiallyif It Be q cold in the head.
The French. waitress, Bridget 0'Keeie,
spoke to me about it this morning at
breakfast-rous dUeg uR rhume, she said.
No one remarked that my rhume was bet
ter than my company, but felt in my
heart that both were bad enough tostand
on their own dement's. One cannot be
cheerful with cold In his head; the hu-
man soul is not disposed to burst forth In
song under such conditions. And the
worst Of Il Is one gets no sympathy from
ones friends. You 60 round with red
swollen nose, and swollen red eyes
" Halo. John! What's the matter "
halls the first fellow well met. "a
bad cold" you reply. 10, Is that all y
with a sigh of relief. The fact iG, you
feel that you are as much to DO pitied as
though you had the smallpox. And he
treats your affllction as lightly as though
you'd only lost your mother.in.law
Then the remedies that are suggested for
you 10 try "Steam your head" said
my aunt. So was persuaded to hold my
head over a bowl Of blazing hot water
till Twas done through like an early po.
tato, I am now regarded as her 'steemed
nephew; and 1t Is thought she may leave
me something In her will. AS she never
tries her own remedies, however, an early
succession to the property does not seem
probable, Bathing in all forms has been
recommended to me; for more than week
past have been a night companion ol
the bath, but II seems to do little good.
!" Stuff cold" has passed into sort Of
proverb; but my head, at present, Is
stopped up enough-too much TO be made
available for any practical purpose, I've
taken sage advice and sage tea in enor-
nous quantities, but with no perceptlble
benefit. Hot Scotch whisky, with a little
hot water and slight mingllng Of lemon.
peel in 1t, was urged upon mo by a
friend, who kindly consented to
drop in and help me take 1t.
l assisted him home at a late
hour Of the night, and his vile demanded,
at the door, in an angry tone, what ! had
been doing to her husband. That didn't
do my cold much good. Since then gin
and molasses has been suggested as SOW.
ereignremedy for all the chills which flesh
Is heir to; but turn an emphatlcally cold
shoulder on all which savors oi spirits.
My mother writes from the interior Of
Maine to say that l had better come home
up there and be "nursed." Think I'll go.
There must be about a bushel OF boneset,
to say nothing about other herbs, about
the hOuse-wisps Of medical weeds, long
stored up against family emergencies,
Since the children grew up and went
away from home there has been no one to
ply with teas and sirupS of traditional vir-
tue; but the gathering Of the materials has
still gone on with unlaillng regularity. In
my minds eye, see myself venturing up
there alone, to draw the fire of those &C.
cumulatCd teas. No, rather let me, to
the refusal Of further remedies, sit in my
city chair, like patient on monument,
smiling ut relief.
How did l catch my cold, you ask. All,
there's the rub-thence the series Of rubs,
A party of girls persuaded me to so and
skate. Before venturing upon the ice an
aged guardian Of that public place, who
stood with a frozen look, in trieze coat,
admonished us 10 "lOok out for that ere
holev Somehow contrived to skate in
to that air.hole. They had fished me out
with poles, IL you want to know just how
cold the poles are, break through the Ice
once and be tished out with them. They
rolled me on q barrel to restore me, under
the impression, seemingly, that the vital
organ is a barrel organ. They put bricks
to my icet-il women would always see 10
It that their idols stood thus on baked clay,
It would be better. There were few
things, indeed, that the bystandcrs did
not do for me, except the right thing,
One unbuttoned my shirt collar, 10 re-
lieve me, he said another attempted to
empty my ,pOckets-to relieve me, l sup
pose. ANewloundland dog was playing
on the bank when l iell in. Strange 70
say, he did not rush to my rescue while
struggling in the voter, but he went fol
me Immediately I got on shore. 1t may
have been generous Of him to refrain
from attacking me until got on dryland
but my faith in the humane instincts ol
that noble animal Is sadly shaken. Had
/ been q bone, I've no doubt but that
Nero would have rescued and brought
me to the shore. Well, TO make a long
story short, I tam safe at home now, and
firm in tleresolve to 60 skating no more
myself, and to let the girls slide.