Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-01-17
Las2ac7e for Hac7,s0r5sts.


"Woman's rights''--A label on a box of
shoe lasts at Lynn.
The man who tried to arrange his hair with
an ice pick got into nice pickle
Greeley has made his will, but was wise
enough to get somebody to write it.
Since the jute bug has been scientifically ex-
amined chignons retail at seventeen cents each.
A New Yorker has dog which he has nam
ed Peanuts on account of the thinness of his
bark. p
The latest style of bonnets has reef in the
nainsai and the flying jD is well trimmed
down.
A puzzling question is about to be debated
by the Chicago bar. It is: wv hat may law
yer do for money!"
The Pointsville lyceum is trying its teeth on
the problem: (which is the oldest battle cry
Erin go brah, or Indi go blue. -
1t is said that the Chinese knew how to steal
five hundred years before the Radical party
was born. There is nothing new to the Chi
nese.
A Dubuque wife cannot hear any one shout
rats without going into commissions When
ever her husband wants quiet evening he yells
the word in her ear.
There is Servian prince in the Prussian ar
my whose name is SO long that a company OF
engineers have been ordered to level down the
consonants and use it as pontoon bridge.
A Detroiter who took flask of whisky with
him on shooting trip, struck race track in
the suburbs On his return, and walked around
it all night, wondering why he didn't get to
town.
Mother Nov. Charlie, run and fetch the
beer,
Charlie ugh it's rainin' SO ard faint
fit to turn q dog out in. Can't ye send gram
father"
Smith (who had forgetfully left his pocket
book on the piano last night. )-''Have you
found anything this morning, Angelina ?'' An
Selina-"Oh yes, dear! Thanks have Or
dered new piano-stoo some lace curtains,
and such love OF q bonnet.
A greenhorn went to menagerie to exam
inc the beasts. Several gentlemen expressed
the opinion that the orang-outang was a lower
order OF the human species Hodge did not
like this idea, and expressed his contempt for
it thus Pooh he 40 mere human species
than be !
A German editor is IL luck. Twenty-four
heather Chinese walked into his sanctum the
other day, aud through the medium Of an in
terpreter paid cash down for twenty-four sub
scriptions to his paper. The editor wondered
greatly what they wanted of an English paper,
not being able TO read 1t, and was informed
that they took it for the pictures in it, the
paper having Costar' rat cut, a catarrh cut a
guano trade mark, and an umbrella picture "
A clerk in banking house of Albany, hav-
ing had an intination that it was proposed to
dispense with his services. boldly entered the
private Office Of the President and said: "Mr.
President, have made up my mind that the
interests of this bank require that either you
or myself should leave It's services. As you are
the leading owner, and have a large family to
support, have concluded to leave you in your
position and retire myself The young man
retired
SHARP This is the way couple of Musca-
tine sharrers served q greeDy from the country:
He stepped into saloon fer 'su' thin warm.
A couple OF dead beats got up sham quar-
rel, and requested him to hold their coats while
they fought it ont-ntending, on retaining
their coats. 10 accuse him Of having ''gone
through" their pockets. and then go through
him. They walked into each other like wild
cats, when they happened to observe that the
coat-holder was no@here visible. There was
some tall running and swearing done, but gree
ny has not returned to that vicinity since.
A few weeks ago the Rev. Dr. NJ, pastor
of the High Church Baptist congregation, il
one Of the striving cities of New jersey, re-
ceved the following note Dear Doctor you
would greatly obge one of your parshioners
if, at early day, you would preach on Eccle-
sastes ill., last clause of the 4th verse-"A time
to dance" On the following Sabbath evening
the reverend Doctor created quite a sensation
in his congregation by reading the note, and
adding: when | shall have become fully sat
isfed that the important duty of dancing is
neglected in my congregation, rest assured |
will give all needed admonition on the subject.