Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1871-03-16
HuTnor.
Is stoFY=The parret.

never possessed, and yet he gave tc
each of his children? The answer is g
parent.
A JOKER being asked whether the
word ''humor'' should be pronounced
with or without the aspirate, replied
"Yumor pronounce it just as you
please
THERE is a lad of our acquaintance who
regards hunger and the chassening rod
as about the same thing: both make the
boy hollOr.
A FRENcHMAN in Peoria, Ill, displayed
his grief at the capitalization of Paris in
a somewhat original manner. He whip
ped his dog to death.
A MUSICIAN, in giving notice of an in.
tended concert at Cleveland, Ohio, an.
nounced: "a variety of other songs
may be expected, too tedious to men
ton"
The New Jersey Senate "ratified the
fifteenth amendment'' the other day.
They have now under consideration a
joint resolution acquiescing in last years
earthquake. f.t
"LENsY, you're pig" said a father
to his little five year-old boy. "Now,
do you know what q pig is, Lenny ?''
Yes, sir a hogs little boy.'
RAILROAD managers are perhaps not
TO blame for the conduct of those they
employ, but is it not strange that none
of them ever hire civil engineer to run
the engine? ..-..
A eDRUNKEN man, sprawling on the
| ground in Patterson the other night,
anxiously wanted to know whether
any body else had been struck by that
earthquake"
"MY dear" asked John, on observing
new striped hose on his only heir, "why
have you made barber's poles of Ernest's
legs Pr p" Because he's a little shaver"
was the reply.
THE New York Leader says cutely as
| to the question of original sin "Twenty
years ago we knew all about it. But, as
we grow older, we find that on that sub
ject our faculties fail )" .-
A LADY once asked gentleman what
wit was like, to which he replied: Like
poignant at the first opening, but on
being much handled about, it loses all
| flavor, and becomes insipid."
A BosToN preacher is said to have re-
Gently used the following language in
prayer, " 20 God this is the most enter
prising nation that ever existed in the
worldt only two hundred and forty-four
years ago the wild Indian dwelt where
now we are" ETC., with other matter ap-
I5are1tly borrowed from political orators.
PUNCH thus describes the present art
of poetry: Write profusion of ryth-
mieal and nefodiotas nonsense, amidst
which, at distant intervals, here and
there introduce an ineligible line. The
dullest idea therein expressed will shine
like star amid surrounding darkness"
Two TRAVELLERS having been assigned
to the same bedroom in a crowded hotel,
one of them, before retiring, knelt
down to pray, and confessed long cata-
logue of sins. On rising from his knees
he saw his fellow-traveler, valise IN
hand, going out of the door, and ex-
claimed: " What's the matter? What's
up?" "Oh nothing" was the reply,
"only Pm not going to risk myself with
such a scamp as you confess yourself to
beE .-
A PHYSICIAN, who was something of a
wag, called on colored Baptist minis
ter, and propounded few puzzling
questions "Why is it" said he, that
you are not able to do the same miracles
that the apostles did? They were pro-
tected against poisons and all kinds of
perils. How is it that you are not so
protected in the same way ?' The col
ored brother responded promptly ::
"DoD't know about that, doctor. I
spect 1 is. have tooken mighty sight
of strong medicines from you, doctor,
and is alive yet"
THE intelligence of tho colored people
is astonishing. A lady called her colored
servant, Joe, and said: "Joe, L want
you to go and get me some shoe-strings.
/ want two pairs, the long, round ones"
Joe went and was gone all day, return
ing at night with a pair of ordinary
shoe-strings and large package. She
asked him what was in the package.
why, de pears, of course" She
opened the package and found two
pears. Joe said he had been all over
town to find two "long, round pears"
the kind the lady ordered. Efforts are
being made to get Joe into the military
school at West Point.
DURING the trial of famous divorce
case, now pending in Philadelphia, one
of the lawyers in his argument said
something about witness named Kelly,
when that individual sung out: HYou're
liar" Kelly was arraigned for con-
tempt of court, until his counsel inge-
niously explained that Kelly meant no
COnIeIlpG VI COuTG, DuU IAld1 AO wac oO
carried away by the sweet dulcet strains
of Mr.. Cassidy's voice that he involun-
tarily exclaimed: You are hrsF
thereby intending to compare Mr.. Cas-
sidy to that delightful Irish musical in
| strument.
UNDER-CURRENT IN THE MEDITERRAN-
EAN.-It has long been known that a
current is constantly flowing into the
Mediterranean from the Black Sea and
from the Atlantic, besides the numerous
rivers pouring in always abundantly, and
the question has often been asked How
is it that the great midland sea does not
| become over-full? The answer is Be
cause, while surfacestream flows in
through the Straits of Gibraltar, stream
deep down is constantly flowing out ; and
the existence of this under-current is
said to have been proved by a captain
who. sunk a basket of stones, by a rope,
to considerable depth, where, being
acted upon by the strong stream, it
towed the boat out against the surface
current. Nevertheless, the existence of
| the under-current has been often ques-
toned. Dr. Carpenter, however, who
has recently returned from a dredging
cruise in the Mediterranean, states that
he took much pains to investigate this