Weekly Trinity journal., 1871-02-11
NUMBER 6.
FACT AND FANCY.

nursing it.
The newest definition of hard times is
sitting on grindstone, and reading politi-
clans speech
Fernando Wood persists in saying that he has
always had :" a single eye for the public good"
How is that for eyer
Boston man reports having been wished
fifty happy New.Ye on earth and warm
reception above"
The Kansas murderer of the period gives him
self up with the remark "rve killed the de-
stroyer of my peace"
If man could be conscious of all that is said
| OF him in his absence, he would probably be-
come very modest man indeed.
A lazy farmer in Iowa, it is said, recently
oullt barn over and around his stack, in order
to save the trouble of moving the hay.
A rustic domsel, gazing upon a steam Are en-
gne innocentIy enquired why they boiled the
water before they threw it upon the fire.
" Does your knitting machine make seam ~
asked an old lady of the proprietor of knitting
machine, 1t seems not, " the reply.
Hobbs says he has one of the most obedient
boys in the world, He tells him to do as he
pIeases, and he does it without murmuriug.
Pennsylvania man keeps his trunk contain
ing securities near the head of his bed, that he
may lay awake and hear them draw interest.
Mrs Partington wants to know, if it were not
bands, why they are put through the bride GER
emony2
At sixteen, woman prefers the best dancer in
In the room at two-and-twenty, the best talker;
at thirty, the richest man at forty, her rights.
| Gas we are one" said witty brute to his
wife, " When beat you, | beat half of myself"
wen, said the wife, then beat your half,
not mine"
young man generally gives a lock of his
hair to his sweetheart before he marries her.
After marriage, she sometimes helps herself, and
don't use scissors.
Boston lady recently gave her father let
ter to post, containing her acceptance of an of
Ter OF marriage, which the forgetful old gent car
red in his pocket u week.
| At Azleton, Wisconsin, a lady lost hen, and
after searching week, found her in the back of
hardware store, trying to hatch out dozen
white porcelain door-knobs.
A would-be wit asked his old uncle If the toll
ing OF the bell did not put him in mind of his
latter end No, sir" he replied, "but the
rope puts me in mind of yoursh
A Minister asked tpsy fellow leaning against
the fence, where he expected to go when he
dled. " 1t cant get along any faster than do
now, he said, q" shan't go anywhere"
Douglas Gerrold once went to a party where
Mr.. Pepper had assembled some friends and
said to the host; on entering the room "My
|
your friends mustered"
" find, Dick, that you are in the habit of
taking my jokes and passing them off as your
own. Do you call that gentlemanly conduct?'
10 DC sure do, Tom true gentleman will
always take joke from friend"
A noted German doctor puts forth the opinion
that ladies of weak should not sleep
alone. We always were opposed to sending
poor lone woman off to cold room TO sleep by
herself. There's no telling what might happen.
An old lady who recently visited Oneida was
asked on her return if the canal passed through
that village She paused awhile, and answered:
81 guess not-I didn't see it and If it did, IL
must have gone through in the night, when
was asleep"
AT the Dodge county (Wis.) Fair there Is on
hibition the mammoth human skeleton recent
ly found in Rock county, and u young lady six
teen years old, with snow-white hair and bedut-
ful pink eyebrows. Her complexion is very
white, and she can see in the night as we'll as
day.
| There are three books considered absolutely
perfect and free from typographical errors and
only three. These are An Oxford Bible, the
perfection being attained by means Of the stand
ing reward of guinea for the discovery ofa
mistake an edition of Horace, published in Lon
don and Leipsic and American reprint of
| Dante.
An ambitious editor, with eanag to meta
| puOTi lately HeHueu Il ulSpatcn felaEng TO Brit
| sh Belligerency with "The BrtislVLion Shak-
ing his Name, and on taking up thI paper next
morning for the purpose of seeing lis brilliant
conception in print, was Mortified u. .see it met
aphosed into "The British Lion Skating in
| Maine"
criminal was nonplussed how to evade the
| Washington officials, when yolng lady friend
of high standing solved the difficulty by produc-
ing a Saratoga trunk, in the top and bottom of
which two holes were bored. Inside she placed
box OF sandwiches, pint bottle of liquor,
army blanket, and the young man. The trunk
was safely sent distance of forty-four miles.
We've heard, irreverently says Memphis pa
per, OF people who get religion" but religion
got the negro who stole the yalise of an timer
ant Methodist preacher at NY Springs. He
selected it from among nul er of others, on
account of its weight. He Erled it, putting
and sweating, in a scorchng sun, eight miles
before he discovered that it contained nothing
but Bibles
A gentleman was travelling in Tennessee, and
was obliged to stop at a farm house for the
night, owing to the scarcity of hotels During
the progress of the evening meal, he observed an
urchin tugging at a loaf of bread. At length
the urchin cried out: " Granny thar's har on
the bread" The lady remarked that it was only
| a piece of corn silk. " Corn silk l'' exclaimed
he ; " how came corn silk to have a nit on itP
That's what want to know"
"Pompey, did you take the billet to Mr.
Jones T'
I" Els, massa''
"Did you see hm2"
" Es, sir, me just did,"
" How was he2'
Woy, massa, he looked pooty well, sidering
| he's so blind |"
Blind what do you mean by that2"
"Woy, massa, when was in de room, glib
bing him de paper, he axed me whar was my
hat and, massa, perhaps you won't believe me,
he wur on de top of my head de hull time