The Portland daily press., 1871-03-18
DAILY PRESS,
SATURDAY, MARCH 1s, 1871.
PORTLAND.


A Wag Discourses of Queen Elizabeth.
Here is the latest outbreak of eccentric hu-
NOR:
on queen Elizabeth is dead. 1t doesn't make
j. y matter how we got the information. This
tbe ne onsoo q, our hGht-this quarrel between
ceived tbo ,,ei. rress aud its rival. We've re.
| 80, 'he news, and that's enough She died
Two hundred and sixty-eight Years aoo III ,h1.
| twenty iourth OF last month. Sha s'tes'aJ vi
until the vital spark had fled and ,ha,' -
saw u was OF no use resisting tha inso,,,'n aue
pie decree OF late, aud so her unfeltered so,,,
TOOK its Hight into the mysterious void ana
settled down in that bourne from which NJ
traveller returns unless he has a mission te
| jerk chairs around and rap on tables ior IN,
benefit OF mediums and other long haired
wild eyed lunatics.
Queen Elizabeth was virginia vergin' on
seventy; and yet the fire cleaned as brightly
as ever in her cream. colored eye, and the del
icate sheen of her fney-tintsd maroon nose
contrasted as forcIbly as in her youth with
the alabaster OF her brow; and the plugs In
her teeth were just as valuable as when gold
was 156.
Sine had no small vices. She did not smoke
or CHEW or belong to the society for the pro.
motion of cruelty TO animals. And when
she .swore, she never descended to the vul-
garity OF Horace Greeley-Queen Elizabeth
didn't. When she used profanity, she gave 1t
VITO nnlsh, an elegance, q delicate airy
grace, and infused into it luxurious abandon
and rounded it off carefully at the corners,
and dressed 1t up with well selected poetical
adjectives, so that it sounded like a strain
from some sweet singer, like some sweet sing
er straining himself, In fact. And she had red
hair.
Her chignon was burglar proof. And often
IN the dim twilight OF evening, when the sun
had sunk to rest, when the western sky was
hlled with tender radiance and lambent light,
and the bulbul wooed the rose in the back
yard she would play few notes upon her
harpsichord or write Latin hymn or an es-
say upon the Harrison boiler. She was sup.
posed to be the author of "Rock me to Sleep,
Mother" and beautiful Snow" and "Five
O'Clock in the Morning." But nevertheless she
was very estimable woman, and with all her
faults We love her stli-better, indeed, than if
she were still fooling round.
Queen Elizabeth was not proud. She al
ways Insisted upon clean ng her own teeth,
even IL she was queen; and she a,ways did
it once a week, every Sunday morning with
her own tooth brush. What lessoa does it
teach to those who are naughty and vaiu, and
belong to the bon-ton! She never forgot
that she was mere perishable dust, and that
the sheep and the silkworm wore her fine
clothes long before she got them. She read
every Sunday school book that taught these
facts; and she ouce trof on Sir Waiter Raj
eigh's cloak to remind him of them, because
he swas so set up with his new fancy cassi-
meres. She said upon her death bed that
Lydia Thompson need not learn this lesson,
because 1t bad no moral ior those who brows-
ed round in natures simple garb.
Queen Elizabeth was not raid to die. She
1oIesaw that George f. Train was coming to
England, and she SAID to her physicians that
She would prefer the enduring peace OF the
cold and silent grave 20 three weeks OF George
and the Alabama claims controversy and the
Schlesgis Holstein question all at the same
tune. Her last words were skill Horace
Greeley before be has chance to write What
l know about Farming" There was not a
dry eye in that second story front room.
Every body was thinking how impossible it
was to fulfil her dping request, and to escape
go much misery.
But she has now gone; she has left us; (; we
shall see her no more. Perhaps II is for the
best. She was vigorous woman, and IL she
had lived she might have given her offence,
and she might have come to America and
we might have pranced around here and
logged us like the very nation. For she was
woman who followed closely In all the pre-.
vailing fashions. And so we are glad she Is
dead, and has four tons of marble placed on
her to hold her down.
Rest in peace, old grill. Rest in pieces!