Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-09-16


begin to grow beautifully less, fierce
conflict arises between the centrifugal
and the centripetal forces, the con-
volutions become more and more re-
fined, the giggles shorten, eyes open,
teeth shut, mouth closes-and the
giggle is over.
You breathe more freely now, and, if
man of spirit, alarmed at the fright
ful convulsions which invest the giggler
with the air of martyrdom, run hastily
for restorativcs, rouse the house, sum-
mon the doctor. Reassured by her
composure, you will revoke all your
previous orders, and tendorly inquire as
to the frequency of the attacks, their
duration and possibility of cure. These
graceful attentions on your part will
speedily bring on a relapse the per-
iormance recommenccs, and the gjegle
goes through the same stages Of devel-
opment as before, only with greater
ychemenee aud freedom Of action, for
practice makes perfect. You become
seriously alarmed, your teeth chatter,
your whole nervous system is uus;rung,
you beg pardon and graciously attempt
to depart. Again the giggle rises, and
ends, finally, in hysterical sobbing, in
which you can distinguish such des
pairing assertions as 90 'I'll die III die !
III die a-laughing if you don't stop"
You really have said nothing more than
a few commonplace remarks, and that
these should have produced such
cachinnatory effect is altogether a mys>
terry. So you humbly take your leave,
sorely perplexed at the enigmatical
character of women in general and
gigglers in particular
The details Of the giggIe can be
amplified at pleasure. Indeed, the
performance itself varies with certain
conditions, notably the Stiffness Of the
giggIer and the value Of your own time.
The timid giggler will giggie perhaps
for five minutes every hour the pro
fessionM one will giggle certainly six
hours day. Such details, however,
are of nature over which your real
istic writer might pardonably gloat, but
are too narrowing to be here depicted
Otherwise the effect might be as serious
as Pope describes in his " Rape Of the
Lock"
j" Then flashed the living lightning from her
And screams If horror rend th'afIrghted skies
Not louder shouts to plying Heaven east.
When husbaods or when Iap-d dogs breathe
their last.
Still there are certain accessories to
the giggle which are pertinent to the
subject, and harmless to delicate nerves
The handkerchief is generally found
useful, and when spread over the face
gives captivating expression thereto,
since it is perfectly invisible The
hands are perfectly relaxed, to denote
womanly impotence The arms arc
wildly tossed about, to express feminine
reserve. The eyes roll fearlully in their
sockets, to show maidenly coyncss.
The halr is disheveIIcd, to express ex-
treme delicacy. The talk is incohcrent,
to signify logical force And, az a last
resort, your professional giagIer, the
radical, the adept in her art, will throw
herself, with the widest abandon, ir
a chair, or bury her face in the luxuri-
Gus depths of sofa
The symptoms and diagnosis Of gig !
Cling are now tolerably well under
stood. Its causes are yet draped in
psychological, physiological, aud phiIo-
logical mystery. Possibly, in genera
lions to come, some Beaumont, or Har-
Vey, or Draper, will explore its hidden
depths, and bring up to the surface the
open sesame" to the science and
relief to the afflicted. In those days,
he intimate relation of matter and
spirit will be darkly hinted at. WISE
lcres will sageIy shake their heads,
whisper electricity" and suggest the
movement" cure. Some will pro-
pound the theory of spontaneous gener>
'tion. Others will breathe the magic
word, evolution" More scnsibly, a
ew will point to cerebral disturbances,
'berration, stupidity, Stiffness, which
employs the waste products of respira-
ion in giggles instead of words. One
doughty Psychologist will, in those days.
publish his Genesis of Gigglng," and
hold to the view that such
monkey shines" incontrovertibly con-
irm Darwin's theory of development.
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