Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-07-08
HUMORs OF THE DAY. :.

A bad marriage is Ike an electric
machine itnakes you dance, but you
can't let go.
Spurgeon thinks some ministers
would make good marty rs-they arc
so dry, they would burn well.
A railroad conductor, being asked
why they locked the stove, replied
that it was' to prevent the fire from
going outn
"But these hacks are dangerous.
We might get the smallpox.
"You'vc no cause to be afraid Of my
coach, mum, for I've 'ad the ind
wheel waccinated, and it took bean
tiful."
"Wherc are you g6ing:" said a
Scotch gentleman to tlici whom
he observed crawling through q hole
in his hedge the into hi. garden.
"Iack again replied The thici, MS he
hastily rClrcatcd.
A deacon in Illinois objected 10 the
organ purchased by hi, church, and
when called upon to close the scrv-
ice wish prayer, said: "CaH on The
machiae! If it can sing tho glory Of
God, 1t can pray too. 50 call on tie
machme."
The Illinoisians are discussing COW
milking, some fayoring the fore and
aft and others the diagonal" way.
One patriarch believes that "every
man should be left free TO milk ac-
cordir9 to the dictates of his own
conscience
"What is the annual corn crop Of
Kcntucky?' asked Il lorcingn tourist
of a kcntuckian. 81 can't exactly
say" replied The Kentuckian; "but
| know it's enough to make all the
whisky we want, besides what is
wasted for bread
"John. Rogers nine cdddrca ind
one at the breast.
"Werc but nine, as Imake it, said
Harry, "Thcrc were ten, as figure
it up" said his guest.
cor there would not have been one
to carry~
why don't the great men OF France
stir? Why DO they remain notion
less and cold while our bleeding
country is ruinedi' asked an orator
in Paris, the other day. "Because
thcy are cast in bronze" answered
a voice in the gallery.
Josh Billings says: "Most people
dccIiac to learn only by their own
experience, and | guess they are
more than half right; for | don't
s'posc a man could gcta correct
idea of molasses candy merely 10y
letting another fcllcr taste it for him.
A young married lady being appli-
ed to for situation bya scryan' girl,
she asked; "Why, did YOU leave
your last placc!' "Why, you see,
ma'am," replied the girl, 81 was too
good looking, and when opened the
door the gentlemen always took me
for the missiS."
4 Paris paper relates the follow
ing anccdote attributed to King
VILLAIN. y court sculptor some
days after the Kings accession to
the throne, begged the favor of build
ing and carving his tomb. Aftel
having examined the plans, His
Majesty accepted them. Il will
engage to have it done in ten years,
said the artist. No hurry" was
the reply. ] will allow you twice
as long
Harpcr's Monthly tells ola grand
church in Chicago, which boasts a
splendid organ and i thrCc-thousand.
dollar choir, but rathcrdryish preach
ing, within which the following lines
were found scribblcd on the ny
leaf Of u hymn-book:
"Could Old King David bu. for once
TO this good church repair,
Aud hear his Psalms thus wa,blud-
Good gracious! how he'd ,wcaIl
And could st. Paul but Just pop in,
From higher scenes abs bStractCd,
And hear the Romans thus explained
BY George! he'd run distractcd'
a man who was not very careful
in personal appearance tells thi,
story of himself: II went to the drug.
store early one morning for a dose
of morphine for Il sick friend. Tho
night clerk objected to giving il tc
me without the prescription, eviden,
tly fearing | meant to destroy myself
Pshaw," said |, do | look like {
man who would kill myself Glz.
ing at me steadily for half a moment
/ lie replied: 4 don't know. Seem.
. to me, if l looked like you, should
be greatly tempted to Kill myself"
/ The following anccdotC was givcl
at the Edwards Reunion, in illustra
ton of the observation-disclosures Of Tho
| great jonathan Edwards; AT one
| time he rode after the cows, and
little boy very respectfully bowc(
ard opened the gate for him. "Whost
boy are you, my little man "Noal
! Clark'S boy, sir" On his return Will
the cows: the same boy appeared
and opened the gate for him. Ed
wards thanked the little fellow, ml
asked: "Whose boy are you?" "Th,
same mans boy ] was a quarter o
an hour aGO, sir