The Charleston daily news. [volume] (Charleston, S.C.) 1865-1873, 1871-08-17
HdRIEIIEs.

"A Yankee was walking with an Irtshman
ON the road to New York, and thinking to-
would you be now, Paddy; II the devil had his
due ~ "Falth," replied Paddy, "I'd be walk
ing by myself to New York" ss,. Il
"A damsel asked one of her fellow-boRrd-
ers, o stylish dry goods clerk. at the breakfast
table, "Why is your mustache like my back
hair ?" He blushingly gave it up, when the
answer caused him to blush still more, eBe-'
cause Its all down." ~. = ,,.e.s,
Louis XIII, speaklngto Bassompierre, mis-
ambassador to the court of Spain, remarked:
"You cannot imagine chow / laughed whenI
Just to tbink-a jackass on 0; donkey !" "Yery
true, sire; but you must remember represen-
| ed you at that time."
"A gentleman whose habit It was to entertain
occasionally circle Of friends. observed that
one ofthem was in the habit OF eating eome-
thing before grace was asked, and determined
to cure him. On being seated st table he Batd:
ssFor what we are about to receive and what
James B. has already received, the Lord
make us truly thankful." 49,
Young Mistress (gravely; she had seen an
.afectionate parting at the garden gate. u
see you've got 8 young man., Jane r Jane
(apologettcafy.) !..s0nly walked out with him
once, m'ml' Mistress. 20, but thought1
saw-dldn't you-dIdn,t he-take q kiss. Jane?n
Jane. 20, MN, only as friend, m'm!g q
a New Orleans Judge. rldingin the street
cars recently, from q: single glance at the
countenance of lady BY his slde, imagined he
knew her, and ventured REMARK that the
day, was pleasant, she o. only saying "fes:"
peuser Of Justice. Lest attract attention.
sIt is the province OF gentlemen to. ADMIRE
replied the gallant man Of law. "Not when
they are married." ''But I'm not" SIN
deed p i"oh, no; ;Pm bachelor."1 The lady
quietly removed her veil, disclosing to. the
astonished magistrate the face of his mother
in-law.
-Apropos Of stage life behind the scenes,
| an exchange says: 1--WE: have heard Mr., Muir
doch tell OF 9. choice lot of patriots he was
leading In some piece or other, who bad, With
Infinite care, been drilled TO make certain ex-
CARNATIONS Ia set order. Butbrains to adapt
themselves to the situation they had not. Mr..
| Murdoch made an inadvertent transposltion OF
| his own lines, and the following short but EN-.
| phatic dialogue was the result: Hero.Would
We be slaves! Shouters-We would we
would Hero (fnding It too late to cry back.
and trusting to luck)-Would you be treemen?
| Shouters-We'd die frst = - .
-One who has been Sin the business gives
\ the following valuable receipt for mannfaotur'
| ine Saratoga water: Take four quarts of sour
| rain water and shake 1t well. Then take apair
of bellows and blow II tull OF wind. Add two
ounces oI black and tan pepper, four quarts @
solar salt, six rusty sign hinges, two old ham.
] horse shoes, some more salt, some more pep.
| per, two yards Of old clothes line, one old hat
| lining, four buttonholes, seven shingles, two
| lumps of hard coal, one sheet OF sand-paper,
. and one chair round. Then blow In ir irtsough
straw until bubbles rise on top. Thenshake
it till it looks like boiled water. Add a little
more salt and bottle situp, and If you never
drank It, it will taste like Saratoga Springs
water for all the world &C.
"A little travestie of fashionable correspon-
dence was published scme years ago. which
| puts in an amusing light the absurdity both OF
writing pet names and of fashionable preco-
CITY, The. writer's are supposed 10 be young
| ladies OF eight years or thereabouts.s .such
Young ladies as are now.hgurlngi1 "chtldrens
balls" at the waterlng.paces, II the CORES.
pondents' truly report. The first note IAN
thus: NMiss Minnie Smiths compliments to
Miss Maggie Jones, and desires the pleasure
of her company this evening. Refreshments
at eleven" The response was:e Miss Maggie
| Jones's compliments to Miss Minnie Smhh,
with regrets that prior engagements preclude
the pleasure of acceptance. Sh5 is TO De WHIP.
ped at seven, and sent tofbed without ner
supper at eight" as 81 G1i.
The celebrated Dominican friar, Rocco. is
said to have once been preaching 10 ths M mar ..I
| viii see If you truly repent your sins. !" There
upon he commenced penttential discourse
| that made the hair of the hard-hearted multi
tude stand Upright, and when they were all on
their knees, gnashlng their teeth, beating
their breasts and putting on au lmaginaoie
signs Of contritlon, ne suddenly GREG, sNoW
Won who truly repent OF your sins hold up your
hands.n. There was not one present who did
not Immediately stretch out both arms. ."Holy
Arehaneel Michael then exclaimed Rocco,
WThol1 who wifi thy adamantlne sword stand.
est by the Judgment seat OF God, hew OF every
hand that hos been raised hypocrlllcally." In
stantly every hand dropped, and Rocco pour
| ed forth fresh inyective al1st the sinful.
ness and peryersity of his audience.
"A correspondent of the Boston Traveller
records the two following ''smart speeches OF
children: A bright little boy about four years
of age, son Of Clergyman, was at your corre-
spondents house one evening with his
parents, and gave him a couple of five cent
pieces. He laid them on the table, and put.
ting his finger on one, said: "This one am
going to give to the heather, and the other
one [ am going to keep myself" he played
with them awhile till finally one of them roll
ed away. and lie could not ind 1t. Well
said I. s'my lad, which one have, you lost ?"
"Oh,n said he, II have lost the one was
going to give to the heatben." Il
A little girl came into my house one day,
and some apple parings lay on a. plate on the
table. After sitting a while she said: II
smell apples I" "Yes." replied, II guess you
smell those apple parings on the plate" '.No!
no !" said she. "Taiu't them smell; smell
whole apples" 49,.
A PRACTICAL FINANCIAL, JOKE. The French
have derived some satisfaction from being able,