The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1871-09-14

An elQerIy maCrOn met SherlH " BrlGn on
, his usual morning walk during his recent Wis
ii to Saratoga, and bonstingly informed him
that she had just drank fifteen glasses OF Con
gress water. Well, don't let me detain
) you" was the quiet reply.
Pittsfeld Mass, has deveoped'another eco
nomical citizens. A young man called at a
store and inquired for boot boxes, but could
conversation that he wanted it for coffin Tor
his father.
4 This scene is laid in Hartford A pretty
woman goes into dental Office with her hus-
band to have her tooth extracted and takes
gas. After the tooth is out and she is com
ing out OF the elects of the gas, she throws
both arms around the dentists neck and ex-
claims, : Oh, you dear young man; if wasn't
married, I'd marry you" Husband enjoys
the tableau and so does the dentist.
A FAT LoT.-An amusing game of base
ball was played in Rochester, Y, between
picked mines of lean men, named StringbeanS
and fat men calling themselves Marrowfats
Goth clubs were weighed, the Marrowfats
weighing in the aggregate 2,04O pounds, an
average OF over 226 pounds each. while the
Stringbeans weighed l, 100 pounds each. The
stakes were half a bushel of peanuts. The
score stood "a for the Marrowtats to 26 for
the Stringbeans, the lean men beating the tat
| ones by Two.
| The Emperor Alexander is the hero Of the
| following anecdote: He was present at a col
lection in Paris for one of the hospitals. The
plate was held out to him by an extremely
pretty girl. AS he gave his louis dor he
whispered, " Mademoisele, this is for your
pretty eyes" The girl courtesied and presen
ted the plate again. What, said the emper-
want something for the poor"
The women are Republicans-at least they
are in Wyoming, where they are permitted o
vote ; for two years ago the territory elected
Democratic delegate to Congress, by nearly
two to one, and a unanimously Democratic
legislature This year the territory has
gone Republican. The Democracy may be
expected henceforth to oppose woman stuff
rage,
The Titusville Herald says that " man at
Lawrenceburg, who had recently put up a
fine stone chimney in his new house, was as
tonished after a two days rain to find hole
in his roof and about two wagon loads OF
slaked lime on his hearth stone The mate
rial was limestone, and between the fire and
@the rain the old lue turned into dust, and he
now proposes to discard fires, and set bar
rel of whisky in each room as heat genera
tor.
MIXED man who "made up" the
BelvIdere Northwestern last week must have
been demoralized." Below is how he mix
ed things:
Detroit has little six-year old
Perpetual motion-a dogs tail
whose hair is turning gray
Promoters of Protauity-nails
Hunters are in their glory nowadays
protruding from the sidewalk.
"HAvB SOME RESPECT FOR THE BULL
A genuine Down Easter was lately ying |
to appropriate u square Of exceedingly tough |
beef at dinner in Wisconsin hotel. His
convulsive efforts with a knife and fork at
tracted the smiles of the rest in the same
predcament az himself. At last Jonathan's
patience vanished under ill-success, when |
laying down his utensils he burst ont with !:
"Strangers, you needn't laugh If you
hain't got any regard for the landlords feel
ines, you ought to have some respect for the
old bull"
This sally brought down the house.
WoMAN's WIT Swing, the incarnation of
rufiauism, in the person of the most hideous
BLACKBOARD in England, with a mob of thieves
and mur6crers at his back attacked Fifeld, |
the old family residence of two elderly maid |
en- ladies, named Fenruddock. When the mob |!
were on the point Of resorting.tO extreme vlo-
lence, Miss Fenruddock expressed her aston !
ishment to the ugly leader of the band that |
''such good looking man as he should be
captain of such an ill-favOred band OfrObbers.
Never again will [ trust to good looks F"
cried the old lady whose fattery so touched
the vanity of Swing that he prevailed on his
followers TO desist.
Only give us some beer" said he, aid
we won't touch hair Of your head
You can't" retorted the plucky old lady,
'fo1 wear wig
Prof Dubois, whose curious}experIence in
trying to eat corn from the small end when
he first saw it on table has been recorded,
writes from Providence, r. l., that this was
not the last of his btunders, On one occasion
after paying his bill at hotel, the landlord
told him he was square. So told him." says
the Professor, "I never knew I was square
before" Good bye" said he You'll be
round soon. ~ thought you said was
y1 be- yS sd won't be @fS"
g OF course" I replied, " if l am square,
will neither be long nor round" The
Professor has made so many Of these COM
ical mistakes that he has entered the lecture
field, taking plumbers" for his subject.
! How 1T WAS DoNE.-Lizzie A. and Gertie
B., two of the most beautiful girls OF the year
! fixed their hopes on Henry d., grand pdf t.
from New York One afternoon Miss Lizzie
and the young gentleman walked through the
! park after an extended stroll, during which
much lovemaking went on, and while passing
through the halls of the Grand Union the Ia
DIV suddenly tottered and fell fainting into
the arms Of her attendant. Tt was bold
strike and victory for moment seemed fast
ened there. Gertie soon heard of this, and
her fertile mind grewRtired with scheming. At
| last smile grew upon her face. She owns
the incest pony phaeton in Saratoga, and the
next day she invited the gentleman to ride.
He accepted and met his fate. The well
trained horse was quietly going on his way,
when suddenly the wheel came off and the
pretty Gtrtie lay fainting on the hard road.
The terrified Henry lifted her IL his'arms and
bore her to a convenient farm house. For
two days she refused to recover from the
shock. On the third day the remorseful Hen
ry, who was constantly with her, could stand
it no longer He surrendered; she recovered
and soon there is to be wedding in high life.
4 Now comes the touch of nature. Miss Lizzie
forgot her loss in admiration of the grand
coup de'tat and has already congratulated her