Mower County transcript., 1871-08-10
About BARRIERS.
BY MARK TWAIN.

experiences in barber shop tho first time
he enters one, is what he always expert
ences in barber shops afterward till the
end Of his days. Il got shaved this morn
ing as usual. A man approached the door
from Jones street ~ approached 1t from
NIain-a thing that always happens
hurried up, but it was of no use; no On
tered the door one little step ahead OF me-
and followed in on his heels anu 81"
him take the only vacant chair, tho one
presided over by the best barber. IL al
ways haDpens so. l sat down, hoping
that might fall heir to the chair belong
ing to the better of the remaining two bar
bers, for he had already begun combing his
mans hair while his comrade was not yet
quito done rubbing up and oiling his
customers locks. l watched the proba-
biltics with strong interest. When saw
that No. 2 was gaining on No. 1, my in.
terest grew to solicitude. When No.
stopped moment 10 make change on a
bath ticket for new conner, and lost
ground in the race, my solicitude rose to
anxiety. When No. caught up again,
and both he and his comrade were pulling
the towels away and brushing the powder
from their customers checks, and it WAS
about an even thing which one would say
"Nextn first, my very breath stood still
with the suspense. But when, at the final
eliminating moment, No. stopped to
PASS comb couple Of times through
his customers eyebrows, saw that he
had lost the race by a single instant, and
rose indignant and quilted the shop, to
keep from falling into the hands Of No. 2;
for have none of that enviable firmness
that enables man to look calmly into the
eyes Of waiting barber and tell him he
will wait for his fellow BARRIERS chair. l
Stayed out fifteen minutes, and then went
back, hoping for better luck. OF course
all the chairs were occupied now, and
four men sat waiting, SILENT nns"ciab}e,
distraught, and looking bored, as men
always do who are awaiting their turn in
BARRIERS shop. sat down in one of the
iron-armed compartments of an old sofa,
and put in the time for while, reading
the framed advertisements of all sorts of
quack nostroms for dyeing and coloring
the hair. Then l read the greasy names
on the private bay rum bottles; read the
names and noted the numbers on the pri-
vute shaving cups in the pigeon. holes ;
studied the stained and damaged cheap
prints on the walls, of battles, early Presi.
dcnts, and vOluptuOlls, recumbent sultanas,
and the tiresone and everlasting young
girl putting her grandfatlter's spectacles
on; eAeCrated in my heart the cheerful
canary and the distracting parrot that few
barber shops are without. Finally, l
SC uched out the least dilaDidated of the
last years illustrated papers that Uttered
the foul center-table, and conned their un-
justitiable misrepresentation of old forgot
ten events. At last my turn came. A
voice said Next!' and surrendered to
No ,, of course. 1t always happens so.
hurry, and it affected him as strong
ly as if he had never heard it. He shov ID
up my head and put napkin uu.
dor it. He ploughed his fingers into my
collar and fixed a towel there He ex-
plored my hair With his claws and sug-
gtst=d that it needed trimming. said
did not want it trimmed. lie explored
again and said it was pretty long for the
present style-better have a little taken
off; it needed it behind, especially. said
had had it cut only week before. He
ycarned over it rehectively a moment, and
then asked, with disparaging manner,
who cut it; lcame back at him promptly
with a "You did" | had him there.
Then he fell to stirring up his lather and
regarding himself in the glass, stopping
now and then to get close and examine his
chin critically or tofture pimple. Then
b. lathered one side Of my face thoroughly,
and was about to lather the other, when
dog fight attracted his attention, and he
rau to the window and stayed and saw it
out, losing two shillings on the result in
bets with the other BARRIERS, a thing
which gave me great satisfaction.
He finished lathering, meantime
getting the brush into my mouth only
twice, and then began to rub in the suds
with his hand; and as he now had his
head turned, discussing the dog fight with
the other BARRIERS, he naturally shOvuled
considerable lather into iny mouth with
out knowing it, but did. He now began
to sharpen his razor on an old suspender,
and was delayed a gool deal on account of
controversy about a cheap masquerade
bail he had figured at the night before, in
rcd cambria and bogus ermine, as some
kind of king. lie was so gratified with
b ing cha11cd about some damsel whom he
had smitten With his charms, that he used
every means to continue the controversy,
BY pretending to he annoyed at the chaff-
ings of his fellows This matter begot
more surveyings of himself in the glass,
and he put down his razor and brushed
his hair with elaborate care, plastering an
inverted arch Of it down on his forehead,
accomplishing an accurate "part" behind,
and brushing the two wings forward over
his ears with nice exactness. 1t the mean
time the lather was drying on my face, and
apparently eating into my vitals. Now
be began to shave, digging his fingers into
my countcnance to stretch the skin, max
lag handle of my nose now and then,
bundling and ;tumbling my head this way
and that, as convenience in shaving de-
manded, and 'shawking' and expectorating
pleasantly all the while AS long as he
was on the tough sides Of my face did not
suffer; but when he began to rake, and
rip, and tug at my chin, the tears came.
not 10 r1n
to me; l did not mind his garlic, because
all BARRIERS eat garlic, suppose; but there
was an added something that made me fear
that he was decaying inwardly while still
alive, and thisg gave me much concern. He
now put his finger into my mouth to assist
him in shaving the corners OF nv upper
lip, and it was by this bit of circupistantial
evidence that discovered that part of
his duties in the shop was to clean the
kerosene lamps. had often wondered in
an indolent way whether the BARRIERS did
that, or whether it was the boss About
tins time was amusing myself trying to
guess where no would he most likely to cut
nsc this time, but he got ahead of me and
sliced me on the end of the chin before l
had got my mind made up. lie Immediately
sbarpened his raznr-hc might have done it
before. l do not like a close shave, and
would not let him 20 over me a second
time. / tried to get him to put up his ra-
zpr, drcading that he would make for the
SIDE of my chin, my pet tender spot, a
place which - razor cannot touch twice
without making trouble. But he said nc
only wanted TO just smooth off one little
roughncss and in that same moment he
slipped his razor along the forbidden
ground, and the dreaded pimple-signs Of
close shave rose up s'narting and answered
t" the call. Now he soaked his towel in
by rum, and slapped it all over my face
laSo1y; s!aprc'l it over rs il u human
''''ng over yet washed his face in that
way, Then he dried it by slapping with
In: dry part OF the towel, as if u human
}'tng ever dried his face in such fashion ::
h'lt Il barber Srll N RIBS you like Chris,
ttn. Next he poket bay rum into the
cut place with his towel, then choked the
wound with powdered starch, then soaked
it. with bay rum again, and would have
gone on soaking and powdcriDg it for
c*crmorc, no tlo,ilkr, If lad not rebellcd
a." begged oil: He powdered my whole
face now, strightihcd me up and began
t. p]ow my hair thoughtfully with
h'' hands and examine his fingers crit
IL. .ly. Then he '"suggcstcd a sham
80, and said my hair needed it badly,
very badly. | observed that I had
st."tnpOOcd it Dlyscll very Thoroughly
il the bath yesterday. bad him" rgain
II" next recommended some of "s,nilll's
l'eir Gl"rtior," and offered to sell Inc a
l. title. dcc'iIrl i'c praised the now per-