Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1871-11-16
Wit and llllIllOr.
TI1r color of Morbus-Applo green.

spa DE DEUx Tho father of twins.
"GEoKGrA has town named
"C"usin john"
Tie cup after tho cup That cheers
The hic-cup.
JOSH BILLISt;a says ''knowing how to
SIT square on IL bile, without hurting,
is one of the lost arts"
LOUISVILLE undertakcrs aro selling
their summer collins in order to mako
way for tho ''uuique and handsome
winter styles"
WHEN VIC read tho interminablo sen
t"nrcS OF some writer's, We cannot help
thinking that their readers arc III dam
ger of being %uttHccd to dcttth.
The recipe for stunting pot poo
dies" is given by the Boston Post:
Feed them with la,l,lanum and keep
them III warm ovens.
PHooF PosrlvE.-Good young lady
lnttle boy, have You over been bap-
t;%rl Z" Small heathcn-" Oh, yes,
mum; Two the marks here Oh my arm. -
-.j"tIy.
a EEvEE;,4D Baltimorcan boasts of
having converted" 1900 little chill
drrn last year. 10 what did he convert
them! In their natural condition we
are told that "of such is tho kingdom
Of Heaven"
lr is cheerful to be sitting in rail
road car going ut the rate of forty miles
an hour. and have u man pass through
tho train and leave Il tract in your lap,
cutitlcd Prepare to Meet Your God"
a MINISTER in Indiana became mixed
up i'll q land speculutions and an
nouncel to his congregation that his
text would be fonnl in est. Paul's
E,istlc to the Corinthians, section four,
range three, west"
\ NEW style of obituary itcm-brief
but to the point-has been invented
thus "John Smith, of New York,
r:volvcr;" G. Jenkins, of Philadel-
phi;,, third-story window "Ann
Jones, Of New Jersey, laudanum.
"TnERE are two ways Of doing it, ;"
said Pat to himself, as he stood mus
ing and waiting for q job on the street
corner. eff save me $4,000 l must
lay me up 5000 n year for twenty years,
or can put away $2Oa year for two
hundred years. Now, which way will
do it,"
"WuY don't you trade with mo -
asked close listed Troy brakeman of
At friend the other day. Tho reply was
characteristic. "You never asked me,
sI. I hoy" looked all through the
plpcrs for an invitation in tho shape of
on advertisement, and found mono. I
never go where I'm not invited"
"ME. Brown, you said tho defend
ant was honest and Intelligent. What
makes you think SO? Arc you ac.
ouaintcd with him 70 "No, sir, Ihayc
never seen him." "Why then do YOU
come to such a conclusion2" "Be
Cause no takes ten newspapers, and
pays for them in advance" Verdict
for defendant.
A Hartford editor having twitted an
editor in ncighboring city of being
bald, subsequently apologized, and OK
pls,incl that, "as long rs - Can fol,l
his cars over the top Of his head he
doesn't need any hair anyhow
A LADY teacher i'll an Iowa school
made Il boy stand up and show how he
kissed the big girls in the woolshed, in
hopes that he would she'd tears and
promise to do so no more. All the boys
arc leaving the other schools now, md
going to this lady teacher.
omar, why don't you speak e asked
little Jake. "Why don't you say
suthin' funny 2" "What can [ say {?
Don't you sec I'm busy frying dough
nuts Say something funny, indeed !"
oval, yer might say Jake, won't yer
hev caho!' That 'ud be funny for
you.'
GRACE GREENWOOD, in one OF hcr re-
cent letters said: 81 drove spike on
the Denver and Rio Graudo Railway.
It was cruel tax on my muscular
christianity. Tho newspaper reporter
sud that | drove tho spike homo tri.
umplantly;' but L really thought it
would not 60 home till morning."
AT late term of court in Machsas,
Me-, in a prosecution for selling rum,
the ury returned II verdict of "not
guilty." plainly in defiance of tho evi
ucncc, whcrelpon Judge Barrows told
them, III SO many words, that they were
It disgrace to the county. Tho man
was prosecuted again and convicted.
One Of orr vicinity dcacons nearly
captured five boys who had been de-
vastatlny his chestnut trees, Sunday
AFTERNOON. Shaking his fist after their
retreutinS forms he angrily shouted:
"Thc s,caking little devils! if l had
hold of 'em one minute, pd-" and
then suddenly cspying his pastor on
the scene, he imprcSsivcly added, "Id
pray for en-! "-Duuhury Nctrs.
"Now, gentlemen" said a peripate-
tic lecturer, to somewhat noisy crowd
who had gathered to one of his seances
in al Eastern village, chow would you
like Il good blackguard storyY All in
favor will raise their hands," Nine
lcnths Of the dexter paws present in
:itant'y went up, and there was Il sud
den hush of all noisy demonstration.
The lecturer went on with his orig inal
subject for a few nInntcs, when some
incautious individual broke out with
"i5;ly, where's that story7' "Bless
you, was tho reply, 81 did not intend
to tell you any such story. [ only
wanted to know how many blackg,lar<ls
were present. You might have heard
il pin drop any time during the lecture
after that.
An English Clergyman on American
Congregations.
The Oxford Q5ngland) Journal con.
tains an account of the reception of
the Rev. Mr.. Benson by his parish
church Of St. JOINTS, Cowley, Oxford,
on his; return from his mission to the
United States and the British Prov
inces. Speaking of American audiences
Mr.. Benson said:
1t is astonishing how hearty and in
tclliSent an attention the American peo-
pie give to what one says. They really
think it over, and then go and act up
on it. [ won't speak about congrega
tions near Oxford, but in some parts Of
the country English congregations are
very different. [ always found Ame1i-