Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1871-11-01
The TOrtures Of the Dinner Table.

III the space OF LWe0IE-uVe y6drl
I we have heard twenty-five men, NOR
or less, make successful dinner-tabl'
\ speeches. OF these, ten were sensible
men. who entertained their compan.
ions by trying to talk like fools ter
were fools, who were equally enter.
tanning in their endeavor to talk like
sensible men; and five-theo only per.
sons of the number who enjoyed the
eminence and the exercise-were
drunk, and neither knew nor cared
whether they talked sensible or non.
sense. As rule, the successful din.
ner-table orator is a shallow man
one whose thoughts are Oh the sur
face, whose vocabulary is small and
at quick command, and whose lack
of any earnest purpose in life leaves
him free to talk upon trifies. We all
remember what earnest, strong, lOgi-
cal speeches Abraham Lincoln used
to make, when he stood before the
people in the advocacy of great prin-
ciples and q great cause; and we re-
member, too, with pain, how tame,
and childish, and awkward he was
when he appeared before them to ae-
knowledge a compliment, or to say
something which should be nothing.
Inspired by great purpose, he could
do anything; with nothing TO say, he
could say nothing. 1t is thus with
the great majority Of our best men.
There is nothing in which they sue
eeed so poorly as in dinner-table
speeches, and there is nothing which
they dread so much. The anticipa-
ton of it is torture to them; the per-
fOrmance is usually a failure. At last
they learn to shun dinner tables, and
to tell weak lies in apology for their
non-attendance.
There is something very absurd in
the submission of so many men to this
custom of speech-making. There is
never a public dinner, or a dinner
which may possibly merge into form
ality of toast and talk, without its
oVerhanging cloud of dread. There
is probably not one man present,
from him who expects to be called
upon for a speech to him who is afraid
that the demand will at last reach
him, who would not pay handsome
price to be out of the room and its
dangers. TO multitudes OF men. the
viands of feast are gall and bitter
ness, through this haunting dread OF
the moment when, with bellies full
and brains empty, they shall find
themselves on their feet, making q
frantic endeavor to say something
that shall bring down the fork-han-
dies, and give them leave to subside.
Why dinner table should be chosen
as an nratorieal theateT, We can not
imagine. There could not be selected
a moment more inRuspicious for hap
py speech than that in which all the
nervous energy centers itself upon
digestion. A man can not have even
a happy dream under such circum-
stances. Dancing the sailors horn
pipe with dumb bells in ones pocket
is not advisable, and it is possible
thai it is not advisable under any
circumstances. 1t is very rare that a
dinner party prefers to sit and listen
tn intermiuable speeches, for it is al
most as hard TO listen as to talk when
the stomach is full of the heavy food
of feast. Nothing but stimulating
drink loosens the tongue under such
circumstances, or puts company
into that sensltively appreeiative
mood which responds to buncombe
and pathes. The drinking which Is
resorted to for making these occasions
is often shameful and al
ways demoralizing. Not agood thing
ever comes of itatall nobody enjoys
it speakers and hearers dislike it, and
still the custom is continued. 1t is
like the grand dress parties, which
likes, yet which all attend
and all give, to the infinite boring of
and their friends.
The discourtesies often visited upon
gentlemen at public dinner parties
deserve an earnest protest Men are
called to their feet not only against
their known wishes, but against
pledges, and compelled to speech that
Is absolute torture to them. The boo
bies who thus distress modest and
sensitive men ought to be kicked out
Of society. No one has right to give
an innocent man pain by compelling
him to make himself q public specta-
Gle, or summoning him to task that !
is unspeakably distasteful to him.
No man ought ever to be called upon
at such place, except with his full
consent previously obtained, and he
who forces a modest man to task |
like this in the presence Of society |
fails in the courtesy Of q gentleman.
The truth is that no dinner is pleasant
unless it be entirely informal. The
It takes on a formal charae- !
ter its life as social occasion is de-
parted, and those who foster the GUS
tom Of speech-making drive from
their society multitudes Of men who |
would be glad to meet them-whose
presence would give them pleasure
and do them good. Let Us have done
with this foOlishness.-[D DR.. Holland,
in Scribner's for November. i