The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-09-26
II U MoRous EMS

BsS- A householder, in filling up his
census schedule, under the heading
Where born" described one of his chill
dren as born in the parlor,' and the
other up stairs"
Rag- Mrs. A. T. Stewart, in answer to
a friend, who asked her why she dressed
SO plainly, replied, 1 can afford to do
So" One of the advantages of being rich
you see.
BSy- A reporter thus graphically de-
scribes the effect of storm on the North
river: While the storm was at its
height, the vessel kneeled to the starboard
and the captain and another barrel of
whisky fell overheard"
Bay~ An exchange tells us that twenty
years ago, Leland Stanford arrived in
California with only one shirt to his back.
Since then, by close attention to business,
he has contrived to accumulate triae of
ten Millions What the deuce can man
do with ten million shirts
By An angry Western editor wrote to
poetcal correspondent the other day
" If you don't stop sending to me your
abominable poetry, I'll print a piece of it
some day with your name appended in
full, and send copy to your gal p The
poetry from that fountain quickly dried
up.
Bsg- A famous judge came late to
court one day in busy session, whereat
his clerk, in great surprise, inquired of
him the reason. " A child was born,"
his honor said, and Pm the happy sire"
" An infant judgc?" Oh, no." said he,
as yet he's but crior."
Bsg- Candidates for government offices
in England are examined upon various
literary and scientific topics Lately,
one of them, by slip of the pen, wrote
"Vennico" in one of his papers. "Do
you know, sir, that there is but one hen
in Venice ?' asked the indignant examin-
er. "Then eggs must be very scarce
there" was the reply.
DGy- We notice an item in one of our
Boston exchanges, which says that rich
bachelor of New Jersey recently died,
leaving by will several legacies Of from
ten to twenty-five thousand dollars each,
to ladies whom lie had addressed, but who
had rejected him. He said that they
had afterwards grown to be so ugly that
he could not be sufficiently grateful"
BSs- Two fat old ministers of the Kirk
of Scotland, named respectively Waddell
and Drip, were caught in shower, after
Iio nA .h bnth lol oQ,
Brother Waddle, feeling rather facetious,
looked out on the watery aspect and re-
marked dryly to his reverend associate,
It's beginning to drip"
"Oh, no matter, rejoined his friend,
cody, we'll just aca7dle through it."
Dsgr A party of gentlemen were hay
ing a good time near Fon du Lac, Wis
consin, recently, when it occurred to one
of them that glass of water might be
an agreeable variety. The most sober
individual in the company was detailed
for duty at the WE'LL He proceeded to a
grindstone, put his bucket in position,
and turned the crank with dignifed as
siduity, till some one stopped him by
laughing long enough to convince him of
his mistake. lu r @ .if
Day- A member of the South Carolina
Legislature, an old bachelor by the name
of Evans, got Of the following jeu d'esprit
lately:
Evans was introduced to beautiful
widow, also named Evans. The intro
duction was in this wise
f" Mr. Evans. hermit me to introduce
you to Mrs. Evans"
80 Mrs Evansw exclaimed the spirit
ed bachelor F." the very lady have been
in search of for the last forty years !"
DSy" A clergyman, who had been stay
ing for some time at the house of friend
on going away, called to him little Tommy
the four-year-old son of his host, and ask
ed him what he should give him for
present. Tommy, who had great re-
spect for the I" cloth, !" thought it his du-
ty to suggest something of a religious na-
ture, SO he announced hesitatingly, "I--
l think i should like Testament and !
know should like pop-gun." laT -ua
DaS-" love you like anything" said
young gardener to his sweetheart, as he
gently pressed her hand Ditto" said
she, returning the pressure, The ardent
loyer who was no scholar, was sorely
puzzled to know the meaning of ditto.
The next day, being at work with his
father, he said, Father, what is the
meaning of dittoY Y"" Why" said the old
man, T" this here's one cabbage head, amt