Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1871-07-27
HUMOROUS,

MOGGO LOT IL rSJecGcu SuIGOI-H0 WOOSu
and she wouldn't. He cooed and she
couldn't.
CIVIL you have me, Sarah =" said a
young man to q modest girl NO;
John, but you can have me, if you Will"
A writer ON school discipline says
ssWithout a liberal use of the rod 1t Is
impossible to make boys smart"
An Omaha D advises the people
"not to make such a fuss about the shoot
ing of one constable, as there are over
forty candidates for the position"
A well-known South Boston nan is
very FOND of frogs. He came home with
a bag full the other day, and, after eat
ing a dozen found III that they were
toads.
"I wish you had been Eve," said an
urchin to a stingy old aunt, p~roverbial
for her meanness. "Why SOP" "Be-
cause" said he, "you would have eaten
all the apple, instead of dividing it"
An old farmer said to his sons: "Boys,
don't you aver wait for summat to turn
up.j You might just as well go an
sit down on a stone in the middle OF the
medder, with a pale atw~ixtyour legs, an
wait for a COW to back up to you to be
MIXED"
A good story is told of a Nashua ply
stefan who recently vaccinated a family
of twelve persons and charged $12. A
few days thereafter he took a dozen cab
bage plants in part pay, as he supposed,
but upon final settlement learned to his
surprise, that Mr.. Farmer charged doc
tors prices-"One dollar a head"
A well-known English lord is said to
nave given the following instructions to
his steward: "We are coming down, a
large party, in a day or two, to eat
Strawberries and cream. We shall want
plenty of the latter, so don't let any of
the COWS be MIXED meanwhile"
MARTIAL-Why should new levies go
to war early in the year?-because al
green things begin to shoot in Spring.
'sSir, you have the advantage of me-
sfQuite right; you are quite right, sir.
Almost every body of common II
has.
A fellow who was caught, recently,
with a bag of jimmies, counter-bits and
other burglarous implements, was asked
sswhat he was doing with such a kit as
that ?" He replied, with an innocent air,
that he was only going to "make propo-
sails for some government bonds"
A Massachusetts paper tells of a col
ored woman who had been lately con-
Y0TGcU, DuG WAS 81 uI1OIGu1dOO dS ~ ny
into a passion over the misdoing of one
of her friends. Her mistress remarked
upon the improperly of such conduct in
the case of one about to join the church,
and received this frank response "I have
'sperienced religion, and rs gwine to
join the church; but, Miss B., In scald
dat niger fust!"
An ''oracle'' at New Orleans, discours-
ing on the wonders. of the Mississippi,
mentioned the iron coffin of De Soto,
containing the golden trumpet given him
by Queen Victoria "What?' exclaimed
one, "not Queen Victoria ?" eyes, sir,
Queen Victoria "Why, she wasn't
born then by two hundred years or
MORE" 81 don't care if she wasn't"
wa the bold reply, 81 reckon she could
leave it in her Wilt"
A story is told of a father in a church,
who, when the marriage service came to
the point where the clergyman asks:
"Who giveth this woman to be married
to this man ?" replied. "Well, sir, l am
called to do it, though it do go agin the
grain. 1 wanted her to marry Bill
Plowser, who is worth twice the money
considered regular.
sMaria," said a lady to a colored
chambermaid, sthat's the third silk dress
XOu ldNC III S11SO IOo SoI4S W III,
pray how many do you own?" "Only
seven, missus; but rs savin' my wages to
buy anoder!" "Seven! what use are
seven silk dresses to you? why, 1 don't
own so many as that" aspect not, mis-
sus,' said the smiling darby ;ssyou doesn't
need EN- so much as 1 does. You see,
you quality folks everybody knows is
quality but we bettermost kind of Gull
lud pussons has to dress smart to dis
tinnrIich O11rcn1voS from common niU-
gers!"
RETURNING REAsoN.-On a certain oc-
sion the counsel took some exception to
the ruling of the court to some point,
and a dispute arose.
eff the court please,'' said the coun-
sci, 81 wish to refer to this book a mo-
ment," and at the same time picked up a
volume.
"There is no referring to any book"
exclaimed the court, angrily. 81 have
decided the pint"
"But, oour Honor" persisted the at
torney.
"Now, 1 don't want to hear any thing
on the subject yelled the court. 81 tell
you again I have decided the pint"
81 know that was the rejoinder. II
am satisfied of that; but this is a vol
ume of Blackstone. 1 am certain he
differs with your Honor, and 1 only
WanIeu 10 SHOW you WAdI d lool DldcA-
stone was"
"Ah, indeed" exclaimed the court,
':now you begin to talk"
PERSUASIVE TO. MATRIMoNY.-"You
ought to marry"
"Never."
"I know a good girl for you"
"Let me alone"
"She is young"
"Then she is sly"
beautiful"
"The more dangerous
"Of good family"
''Then she is proud"
"Tender-hearted."
"Then she is Jealous"
"She has talents"
TT kill me-"
"And thousands of dollars.'
"I will take her."
Some years ago, during the session of
the Circuit Court in - Ohio, the Meth
odist Church was blessed with a revival.
Good old Father Collins had preached a
powerful sermon, to hear which had
gathered many people, including all the
of the town, crowding the large,
harn-1iEa n1aoa tO itS utmost oanaoitu