Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-03-30
Humorous Readings.

An old Kentucky "Settler,"-Wbi.h.
Capital MISUNDERSTANDING 'dear.s
Gardens in which "dead beats" g..
raised-Lager beer gardens.
Somebody calls this Gan old fashion,,
winter" We never did care much n,
old fashions.
A country editor asks if the "Bosb,
Dip" is a new kind of candle. He want,
eight" on the subject.
Cincinnati papers call Delaware's CHI.
Magistrate "Governor Powder" Thi.i
enough to cause him to "explode"-wia
indignation.
Although George Francis Train b.,
been called the "wildest" lecturer on tIs
platform, we notice that there is on it o..
Marshall P. Wilder.
A Kansas paper boasts that there
not single female prisoner in the prisor,
of that State" We are left in ignoranos
as to the number of incarcerated marris5
ones.
A young lady sufragist had the temsG.
ity to assert, before the Ohio Conyentior
that she "loved man, individually al3
collectively, better than any woman" L
is Just the other way with us.
A Democratic paper, speaking of Black.
Jeremiah"-ade on Wilson, says 9Th.
blows are simply crushing" There 4
considerable "blow" in it-and il shoul3
be called simply blowing"
An exchange says: Five New York
clubs exploded during the past year
Are we to infer from this that the men
bers were blown up ]"
"Why am intoxication like vast
bowl?" asked Sambo. "Case 1t am de-
basin"
"You want nothing, do you ?" said Pat.
"Bedad, an if its nothing ye want, you'll
find it in the jug where the whisky was !"
.'If you marry that poor girl you will
find matrimony up hill work" "Good,
said the lover "Td rather go up hill thar
down hill by good deal"
The drum-maior who ran away from
Chickamaugs, when reproached With
cowardice, replied: I'D rather be called
a coward all my life, than a corpse fifteen
minutes.
Daughter-"Well, to tell the truth !
| did not think much of the close of TIE
| sermon" Enthusiastically you wers
thinking more of the clothes of the COL.
gregation..
"Interviewing" is nothing new. Il e.
listed in the great Ce2ar's time, for did
not great Julius ask, "Who is it in tie
press that calls ?"
at is forty years, my old friend JOIN
since we were boys together" as il.
well, don't speak so loud there's tia,
young widow in the next room"
"The prisoner has a very smooth coun
tenance." Eyes, he was ironed just beforc
he was brought in. That accounts fol
it."
Much to be commended for its Mosai,
meekness was the mild reply of the old
parson to the parishioner who didn't like
his sermons-"I don't wonder at it" re
sponded the dominic, Il don't like then
myself"
"Why," asks an enthusiastic gusher
"why, oh, why is love like a canal boat I:
and knowing that conuudrums are NO
intended to be guessed, he replies to BIZ
own question, because it is an interna
transport"
Coincident-Y Young Pumpcourt not
being quite ready with his rent when the
landlord calls, thinks it best to find fBul.
| with his new house)-"Now look al these
doors Don't fit, you see z" Landlord and
builder-"Ouse must have time 10 settle,
you know, sir" Young Pumpeourt-
lstruck with the idea)-"Ab Just So EI.
actly Precisely my case, Mr.. Wentscott
Punch.
A man "down east" was living with hi
second wife. One day she asked him whers
be wished to be buried when he died. h
replied, "In L. where my wife Wa:
buried" "And where would you bury
me if I should die z" said wife No. 2 in
L., of course" said the husband. 4
won't go step" was the reply. 81 don't
know a soul up there, and know lots il
this graveyard"
a little boy who went to church was
cautioned TO remember the text. which
was "Wby stand ye here idle Go into
my vineyard, and whatsoever is right
will pay thee" Johnny came home, and
was asked to repeat the text. He though
it over a while and cried out What d We
stand round here doing nufing for; 20
into my barnysrd and work. III max j,
all right with you"