The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-07-25
H U M MoRous EMS

when he's going to be blowed up.
Says Murphy to Paddy. you're surely an ass,
10 smut both your eyes, and look in the glassr
Says Paddy, "You blockhead, 1 wanted peep
To see what beauty looked-when aseepr'
Bas- A contemporary ungallantly
makes the observation that the leading
champions Of woman's rights" are
generally found to be I" mems lefts."
Bas- A private in the army recently
sent letter to his sweetheart, closing
with, May heaven cherish and keep
you from yours truly John Smith.
Ray"" Johnny, what do you expect to
do for living when you get to be
mani" Well, I guess I'll get married,
and board with my wife's mother"
Day" Grandma" said a shrewd child
do you want some candy ?" Yes,
dear, l should like some" Then if you
will buy some, I'll give you half"
Bay A squire in indianapolis married
a couple recently, adapting the service to
modern times by pronouncing them man
and wife, " until separated by law"
Bsg- What kind of meat do you like
best, John p go, like all kinds pref
ty well, but prefer /" Meet me in the
moonlight alone love-" to any kind Of
meat | know Of
Bsyn Halo, Frank, thought you
were dead ?" "Oh," said Frank, " they
did get story around that l was dead,
but it was another man. | knew that it
wasn't me as soon as heard of it tw
BeS~ There are four things that look
very awkward in woman: To see her
undertake to whistle to throw stone at
a hog to smoke cigar, and to climb
over garden fence
BSs~ An illiterate farmer, wishing to
enter some animals at an agricultural ex-
hibition, wrote to the secretary as fol-
lows: "Also enter me for the best Jack
ass, am sure Of taking the premium"
B65H Man fishing below the dam; boy
comes along and inquiries: "Got any
bites p Man replies, Lots of 'em /"
Boy drawls ut,--" Yes, under your
hatW Race between boy and stone
boy little ahead.
Bag a housewife in New Orleans, in
filling up her schedule of the census pa
per, described herself as the head of
the family" while, in respect to the trade
Of her husband, she wrote, He turns
my mangle."
BSS~ An idle man once asked coal
merchant what peck Of coal multiplied
by eight, divided by four, with a ton ad-
ded to them, and bushel subtracted,
would come to. WE'LL" said the coal
merchant, elf you burn 'em, they'll
come to ashes"
BG~ When Mrs. Jones chided her
daughter for allowing young men to throw
kisses at her, Mary Ann declared that
she was quite aware of the impropriety,
and never had kiss thrown at her that
she did not throw back.
B@~ Paddy, my boy" said gentle
man to an Irishman whom he observed
fishing away at favorite pool, "that
must be fine steam for trout ?" :" Faith,
and sure it must be that same for have
been standing here this three hours, and
not one of 'em come out of it."
B6sn This is the season of Commence
ments sheep-skin is being consumed in
immense quantities colleges are looking
their gayest every girl who can wears
secret society badge, and the voice of the
graduate Is heard in the land.
BD~ Two men were one day engaged
in roofing the house, when one of them
lost his hold and fell to the ground. The
other hastened to him and inquired, when
he found him PROSTATE and still, Mick
ey, Mickey, are you dead?" "No, not
dead, but spachless.'
R6~A little girl in Portland was repeat
ing the parable of the wise and foolish
virgins, when she suddenly paused
"Well, what did they forget2" asked the
teacher, encouragingly. "They forgot
their Kerosene" responded Miss Five
Year Old.
R@- A Prussian cavalry officer who
was wounded at the battle of Gravelotte,
was greatly annoyed by the cries of some
wounded soldiers lying near him. He
stood the annoyance as long as he could,
and then testify called out, "Stop YOUR
bowling over there! Do you think YOU
are the only persons killed in this fight 7"
sar During the Anniversaries, the fol-
lowing dialogue was overheard between
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