Rock Island Argus., 1871-07-05
CORNs.


CORNs.
Msay man knows that Maria Jane is,
mostly, his "corn )" aud many a woman
could testify, if she would, that John Edwin
is painful "co.n n" TO her. Whether their
oorns be pedal or mental, il would appear
that the uncomfortable twinge in the one
instance not unfreq uently owes an ac-
cess of disagreeAble feeling to the fact tbS'
things are not on any easy footing IN
the other. In "Plutarchs Lives" W hno
this position aptly and sufficiently "moigu-
ously illustrated. Therein q me" IS reno
strated with for Ito put it pay want .!
appreciation of his wife. Az 'ne nnoineH' s1'
We forget this mans maze eAceptihs 'uS'
its was not DR.. Johnson though IL might
have been-iudgipg tfom the style OF reply
had il haan nossible for the eminent lexieog
rADbar ~ bsvs lied in those days. Sir
exoIa;med he. turning upon his heel as he
ranIacod the fancy slipper which he had
80 off 20 aid in his defamation, Sir, you
sneak Of my wife's virtues, beauty and suit
sbiIity. | showed you just now how hand
acme aud apparently well fitting my slipper
!, Bot no one kRops Ichere the shoe pinch
- sgre he pdo uedrs it," Most OF us know
that it is the shoe that causes the corn. II
not. we have only to wear Ill fitting boots
for q time, and it ls probable lhat an ao-
knowledRment Of the canse of the corn will
bs the result. Having done our best to get
oorns, and our efforts having been crowned
with success, the question of immediate in
terost to US il, how to get rid of thtm. There
is the chrop0dist or ohiropedest, If you
like that name better-who treats our psngs
after the mauuer Of high strung quasi
apotheeary, (vuigariter, "quack,) who
hardly ventures TO disgust US BY the mention
that our uneas.ness has any reference at all
to suua vulgar shings as feet He dis
c1ufses, with gub dvlicacy, upon any
subject We Ike 10 introduce, excepting our
toes aud, III parting, ss he takes our cash,
orssses IHEo our hand a small box, sealed
aud stamp labelled. entresting US TO follow
The enclosed directions, and bid adieu TO
earthly suffering. Hurrying to our hotel,
ws open ths box and find it TO contain &
piece If thin leather or cloth dSuoed with
a sort of pigment some VIII at bling half
bAxed mola ses Of inferior quSlity, accom-
panied b7 pie Of paper, gum-wsshed on
me side We are to apply the former 10
saa ccrn, and cover is over with the latter,
10 keep oar stocking from sticking to our
loot, pesLing the application efresh three
times n nine days. Then follow host of
further directions as TO soaking in hot water,
geatie pressure. etc. y OF little disgusted
la saat We had expected immediate relief,
we lura to our friend who sits beside US, and
say WaddIe I'll cure your corus for a
dollar, or the money returned. Take these
handing him the plaster and gummed
paper without the box I)-"and follow my
directions, and you'u be all right" Then
W. repeat TO hun as many Of the directions
al We can reo)liect. Wsddle-who has to
wear dxiays with holes in them 10 his boots
TO let his corns through-.is pleased to THO
that we should trouble ourselves with his
only ailment. He hands us the money, and
whsu we see him six months afterwards, ,tellt
Us that he believes he forgot some of ou
r-ctious. He is glad to see as, and W,
.or;hwith imb.0e together; but he doesn'
81; for suy more plaster aud directions
Unable 10 walk comfortably we Apply to
stolhes corn doctor, who gives US smAl
boJse Of something suspioiously like water
ta,uuy US to apply it il drops TO the corn
aGL hIce pajr Of boots mdds by meas ure
mint to hotI the instsp firmly, and lear
plenty Of room for the toes. Being Ii patient
We apply the drops so Cf.en that they
are all gone before the boots are ready
W. gTowl Bat, whsu We have worn the
new boots for time, the singing pain frou
eur corns is gone. Unable 10 take Joke
sitter a time We relapse into ili-ftting boots
aud consequent corus. We are determined
20 hsye no more 10 do with ohiropodists
Boots. made - fit as above. are a gooc
.n'Hgl remedy for us, We determine Il
orls- another pair, forthwith so doe
dst.s Jaae, vHo has all along been in OF
prediCamsui. U ne evening, about su hou
and half after we have arrived home from
business, bringing an unwonted present Q
nav warm winter shawl for Maria Jane
a. va turn our slippered feet to the stove
sad mutter half impious maledictio
against our corns, she suggests, with a.
unusual timid little gesture, that her fren
Sarah had picked out her husbands corn
with pin and that if we would only Il
her try her hand, she would be so cdref,
no! to hurt US As Maria Jane says thi
We, John Edwin, put up our foot on cha
and answer, sbsently, TRY it If you like
We answer ebsently, because, as she ss,
il, her manner aud expression takes |
back to the days when We courted her, al
when the thought that perhaps she loved |
made US feel proud and happy. We kne
crafty, worldly dog that we arc !-th
the shawl did il tonight Still,-simpl
cupidiuous fool, though we may sometim
rate ourselves, per contra-we know 81
wouldn't do the same action, in the san
way, for aao.her mans shawl and as
ponder on, the corn is gone, and nothing b
tiny cone cavity marks where it was. 1t m
be that we offer our services in similar ms
ner and capacity to Maria Jane. What
do il that particular matters not the pin c
of row of pins to anyone but our Z
selves, and her corus.