The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-11-30
FACTS AND FANCIES.

Wanted, BY boy, situation in an
eating house. He is used to the bust
ness"
How may men always become four
handed by doubling their fists.
A lobster never comes ashore without
great risk of getting into hot water.
When is clock on the stairs danger.
Gus :? When it runs down.
"Beware," said the potter to the clay,
and it became ,care,
When mans face turns as yellow as
a guinea he is said to have rich COM
plexion.
There is man in New York to proud
that he won't keep his own company, for
fear of degrading himself
An old lady made the following speech
at woman's meeting the other day al
demand equality for all the sexes"
A bachelor friend compares a shirt
button to life, because it so often hangs
by thread.
Why is the figure 9 like peacock p
Because its nothing without its tail
What man is most looked up to? Ans
Inc man In the moon.
What is that which he who has it on
does not wish for, but he who has it would
not part with it for any money? 4 bald
head
What is it that goes up the hill and
down the hill, and yet moves The road
A rich man asked poor person if he
had any idea of the advantages arising
from riches. 81 believe they give a
rougue an advantage over an honest man"
was the answer.
Here is landlord who owns about the
largest cottage we ever heard of:
"a cottage to let containing eight
rooms and an acre of land"
A boy in Oswego has performed won
derful feat. He lighted fire with kero-
sene with the loss of only two pairs of
trousers aud the skin of his legs. Most
boys in his place would have put their
parents to the cost of funeral.
Facts should be put down in black and
white is another colored ink they might
appear ink-red ible.
A Jew, on seeing prodigiously fine
ham, remarked; Thou almost persuad-
ed me to be Christian"
"Never nix your drinks" is held to
be good rule with topers, and is not at
all bad one for milkmen to observe.
A Music Dealer in an eastern town an
nounces in his win dow sentimental song,
"Thou hast loved me and left me for TWEEN
ty-6ve centA"
"You seem to walk more erect than
usual, my friend" ayes, I have been
straitened by circumstances
A butcher, boy says he has often heard
of the tore-quarters of the globe, but has
never heard any person say anything about
the hind quarters.
A youngster, whilst perusing chap
ter in Genesis, turning to his mother, in
quired if the people in those days used
to do sums on the ground 1t was dis
covered that he had been reading the pas
sage, "And the sons of men multiplied
upon the faes of the earth"
A Milesian born the last day of the
year felicitates himself on the narrow ese-
cape from not being born at ALB jab
ers," says he, "and if it had not been till
the next day, what would have become
of me ?'
"Susie,' said mother to her little
daughter of FIVE summers, .'what would
you do without your mother Z" II would
put on just such dress as l plased, every
day, was the prompt reply.
A man courting young woman was
interrogated as to his occupation. II am
a paper hanger on large SCALE" he re-
piled. lie married tho girl and turned
out to be bill stacker.
A newly married man complains of the
high price of "ducks" He says his wife
recently paid for three of them--a duck
of bennett, duck of a dress, and duck
duck of a parasol. He says such deal.
ings in poultry will ruin him.
The latest euphuism for red hair is
Canandaigua color; being as every New
York railroad traveller knows, little
beyond AuJurn. u $500
The Mayor Of Delphia, Indiana, has
proclaimed that no persons are to be out
after nine o'clock. except on Legitimate
business. Evidently an attempt to in
crease legitimate business.
A span for the International Bridge
223 feet in length, has just been finished
at the works of the Phoenix Iron Com
pany at Phopixville. Pa. The strain sheet
for the span was calculated and arranged
by Miss S. Emma Price, who is connect
ed with the engineers department. of
the company. .t,
An individual who was puzzled to know
where all the Smiths come from, has at
last solved the mystery AT Waterbury,
Conn, on long brick factory, appears
sign inscribed :" Smith Manufacturing
Company" 5 so4i Z
Struggle on to victory. Never give
up, when you areright A frown is only a
muscular contraction and cant last lono