The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25
II U M 0 RoUs IT E MS

law says no man shall be condemned with
out a hearing.
Ba5" " Grandma" said shrewd child,
do you want some candy ?" " Yes, dear
] should like some" "Then if you'll buy
some I'll give you half said Polly.
B95~ " Well, Pat why don't YOU put
up your umbrella ?" Because, yer honor
the rain nd spile it, an so | kept it onder
my arum, an divi a dhrop it has got"
Ba" A little boy hearing his father
say, There is time for all things"
asked his mother: When is the proper
time for hooking sugar out of the sug gar
bowl ?"
RSS~ An English advertisement reads
as follows: " Stolen--A watch worth ten
guineas If the thief will return it he
shall be informed where he can steal one
worth two of it, and no questions asked"
Bay" For whom are you concerned %
asked a judge of witty lawyer. al
am concerned for the defendant, may it
please your Honor, but am retained by
the plaintiff" was the reply.
BGS> Halo Bob, how are you ?" Bob,
who has been in Jail for debt for some
months past, answered: very we'll,
thank you; but l have been in trouble,
you know" "What trouble allied you?
A trouble past in durance."
B6y- An Trishman's Will.-I give and
bequeath to my beloved wife, Bridget all
MY property, without reserve, and to my
eldest son, Patrick one-half of the remain
der, and to Dennis, my youngest son, the
rest. IF anything remains it may 90 to
Terence Mccarthy, in sweet Ireland
Bag~ A boy who was walking briskly
along one day was asked by man what
he was going after in such hurry?
For quarters worth of candy" said
the boy.
And what do you want that for?
For twenty-five cents was the ready
reply.
BSg- The other day, in rural town, an
inquest was held over the body of man
who had been killed by horse. After
hearing the testimony of several wit
nesses, the jury retired and soon returned
with the following verdict =" That de-
ceased came to his death from the effects
of wound in the head, caused by a horse
shoe in the hands of a horse"
Bas~ A certain minister who was well
known to be paying his addresses to
lady of immense avoirdupois, quoted one
morning in his sermon, " What is this
phantom that walk about with daily ?"
mischievous little maiden, with keen
sense of the ludcrous, exclaimed, in a
voice that was audible to score of people
"Call Debby Landon a phantom ~ A
smile.
B9n A boy called several times in the
course of day at lawyers office on bust
ness, but found the party always absent
although he saw label on the door, "In
from ten to one" The lad, after repeat
ed disappointment, took out his pencil
and altered the label, so that it read as
follows, and more agreeably with truth:
In from ten to one. And ten to one if
you find him in"
Ea~ When cousin Ichabod first saw the
elephant at the show he exclaimed with
mute astonishment, Then that's rael me-
nagerer-the identical critter itself!
Wouldn't tew of 'em make team to
draw stun with? Amt he scroger ?"
lchabod went hum, and related what he
had seen. II seen," said he, the genu-
inc menagerer-the biggest lump of flesh
that ever stirred He had tew tails, one
behind and t'other before. Philosophers
call the fore 'un probnobscus He put
one of his tails in my pocket and hauled
out all the gingerbread-every hooter.
What dye think he done with it? Why
he stuck it in his own pocket, and began
TO tumble for more"
BG~ A lady made her husband pres
ent of a silver drinking cup, with an
angel at the bottom. When she filed it
for him he used to drink it to the bottom,
and she asked him why he drank every
drop.
"Because, ducky, long to see the
dear little angel at the bottom"
Upon which she had the angel taken
out, and devil engraved at the bottom.
He drank all the same, and she again
asked him the reason.
because I won't leave the devil
drop" he replied.
B@- Can you draw at all, young