The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-04-06
MY First Literary Venture.
BIZ MARK TWAIN

BIZ MARX TWAIN
was very smart child at the age Of fifteen
AN unusually smart child, thought at tho
time. 1t was then that did my frat newspa.
per scribbling, and most unexpectedly to me 1t
stirred up fine sensation in the community.
It did indeed, and I was very proud OF it, too.
was printers "devil," and q progressive
per (the "Weekly Hannibal Journal" two dol.
lars wear in advance-5OO subscribers, and
they paid in cord-wood, cabbages, and unmar-
ketable turnips), and on lucky summers day
he left town to be gone week, and asked me
if thought could edit one issue of the paper
judiciously. All, didn't l want to try Hinton
was the editor of the rival paper. He had
lately been Tilted, and one night friend found
an open note on the poor fellows bed, in which
he stated that he could no longer endure life
and had drowned himself in Bear Greek. The
friend ran down there and discovered Hinton
wading back to shore He had concluded he
wouldn't. The village was full of it for sever
al days, but Hinton did not suspect it. /
thought this was a fine opportunity. l wrote
an elaborately wretched account of the whole
matter, and then illustrated it with villanous
cuts engraved on the bottoms of wooden type
with -knife-one of them picture OF
Hinton wading out into the creek in his shirt,
with a lantern, sounding the depth OF the wa
ter with walking-stick. / thought itwas des-
perately funny, and was densely unconscious
that there was any moral obliquity about such
a publication. Being satisfied with this effort
looked around for other worlds to conquer, and
it struck me that it would make good, interest
ing matter to charge the editor of q neighbor-
ing country paper with a piece of gratuitous
rascality and "see him squirmp did 1t, put
ting the article into the form of parody on
the Burial of "Sir John Moore'-and pretty
crude parody it was, too. Then lampooned
two prominent citizens outrageously ly-not be-
cause they had done anything to deserve it, but
merely because I thought it was my duty to
make the paper lively. Next gently touched
up the newest stranger-the lion of the day,
the gorgeous journeyman tailor from Quincy.
He was simpering coxcomb of the first water
and the '1oudest" dressed man in the State.
He was an inveterate woman-killer. Every
week he wrote lushy poetry" for the Jour
nal" about his newest conquest. bis rhymes
for my week were headed ITO Mary in H."
meaning to Mary in Hannibal, of course. But
| while setting up the piece was suddenly riven
from head to heel by what regarded as per-
| feet thunder-bolt of hunlor, and l compressed
1--WE will let this thing pass just this once but
we wish Mr.. J. Gordon Runnels TO understand
distinctly that we have character to sustain,
and from this time forth when he wants to COM
mune with his friends in HI he must select
some other medium than the columns of this
journalP'
The paper came out and never knew any
little thing attract so much attention as those
playful trihes of mine. For once the Hannl-
bal "Journap was in demand-a novelty it had
not experienced before. The whole town was
stirred. Hinton dropped in with double
barrelled shotgun early in the forenoon. When
he found that it was an infant las he called me
that had done him the damage, he simply pulled
my ears and went away but he threw up his
situation that night and left town for good.
The tailor came with his goose and pair OF
shears but he dispised me, too, and departed
for the South that night. The two lampooned
citizens came with threats of libel, and went
away incensed at my insignifcance The coun-
try editor pranced in with q war-whoop next
day, suffering for blood to drink but he ended
by forgiving me cordially and inviting me down
to the drug store to wash away all animosity
in friendly bumper of "Fahnestock's Verml-
fuge." 1t was his little joke.
My uncle was very angry when ne got back,
unreasonably so, 1 thought, considering what
an impetus / had given the paper, and consider
ing also that gratitude for his preservation
ought to have been uppermost in his mind, in
asmuch as by his delay he had 30 wonderfully
escaped dissection, tomahawking, libel, and
getting his head shot of. But he softened
When he looked ut the accounts and saw that
had actually booked the unparalleled number Of
thirty-three new subscribers, and had the vege-
tables to show for it, cord-wood, cabbage beans,
and unstable turnips enough to run the faml-
ly for two years.