Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1871-06-22

put ten dollars worth of beaver on ten
cents worth of brains.
Laws, like saueages, cease to inspire
respect in proportion as we know how
they are made. 1861
An apothecary sent bill to widow
which ran thus: "To curing your hus-5
band till he died." ........-
Mary Cary says that if husbands gen.
orally knew what their wives thought of
them, suicides would be a more common
occurrence. -ifi.t'
Fashionable people who wed don't go
to Europe any more for bridal trip, but
to Indiana, where they can be separated
on short notice.
nl-natured acquaintances of certain
Bostan militia officer assert that his
sword was never drawn but once-and
then in a rattle.
There is said to be hilly county in
East Tennessee, where the children look
up the chimney to see if the cows are
coming home.
There is a man in Indiana so slim that
when the sheriff is after him he craw1s
into his rifle and watches his adversary
through the touch hole. aH.r
In describing new organ, rural edi-
licious suffo, alton, like one singing a
sweet song under the bed-clothes.o
r "Grandma," said shrewd child ado
you want some candy ?'' sFYes, dear,
should like some." "Then if you'll buy
some, I'll give you half" said Polly. 70
A Wisconsin editor was called out of
bed one night to receive a subscription.
After that he got up nights for over a
week, but the offense wasn't repeated.
Among the "wants'' in one of the pa
pers is this: "Partial board for a single
gentleman: house kept by widow and
daughter; busses and cars conveniant."
A school girl was recently asked, at an
examination, by the clergyman, to tell
him what Adam lost by his fall, and
when pressed, she replied, 'I suppose 1t
was his hat?
DIR. johnson compared plaintiff and
defendant in action at law, to two men
ducking their heads in bucket, and
daring each other to remain under water
the longest" Gf-. 3Lf aas
A Massachusetts, boy told his mother,
on returning home the other day, that
George Washington's widow had been in
the school begging money to help re-
pair his tomb. 81 ? .-H'A 7n-
An old fellow went to dine at chop
| house, and, after waiting some few min-
utes, grufly asked the waiter, sHow long
| will my chop bel' "About five inches,
sir,'' was the reply. g. "
| A gentleman, addressing a passionate
love-Ietter to lady in the same town,
added this curious postscript: "Please
| to send speedy answer, as L have some
body else in my eye"
Here is matrimonial advertisement
cut from contemporary. ga young lady
of exterior and pleasant appearance,
wishes to marry young man of just
1.-THE same way of thinking"
An old lady, observing a sign over a
tailoring establishment bearing the in
scription, seFountain of Fashion" ex-
claimed, 'Ah, that must be the place
where the squirts come FROM"
Josh Billings defines a thurrer-bred
business man as sWun that knows enuff
about steelin' so thare kant ennybody
steel from him, and enuff about law so
that he cando his steelin' legally
GA man who'd maliciously set fire to a
barn. said good old Elder Poyson, Sand
) burn up a stable full of horses and cows,
ought to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'd like to be the one to do it,"
An aged colored man made application
for food at Washington, claiming iC as a
Constitutional privilege. ''Why," said
he, @I understan' dar's provisions in de
Constitution for de colored folks, and
, haven't had de fust crumb.'
-sJohnny." said one of the boys to a
bereaved friend, who had just lost his
: father, eyer behaved we'll at the funeral. D
E "Oh, pshawp' replied Johnny, with the
: air of one whose merits were only hal
: recognized, ''you should have seer me a
t the grave"
Il Filial piety: First collier loquitur-
+ There bin a foire (explosion) at Jack
sons pits" Second collier-s'Moy fey
ther worked theere." First collier-"Oy,
and he's blowed a. to pieces" Second
collier-"Boy gum! whoy, he'd got moy
/, pocket knife VII him. IL
| A clerical joke at the expense of {
r brother of the cloth is going the rounds
+ 1t is said that a clergyman who preached
: in a prison, a Sunday OF two since, be-
, gan his discourse in his traditional way
by saying, '1 am glad, my friends, to sec
r SO many of you here this morning.'' ai
: During a late performance of the
| esLady of Lyons,o at the Mormon theatel
in Salt Lake City, and old elder got III
and indignantly walked out of the house
with his twenty-four wives mutterihg
Il" Il Wpll6 stay anu see d play WHere
man makes such an awful fool of himsel
about one womani" t+..t-.f. -..-
!, RURUL WTTTICIsMs.-Some rival o.
Josh Billings tries his hand as follows
ri The proper time to pull hemp is any
d Friday that good judge may select.
t. If you want to lay in a supply OF ole
i wine be sure to make it of elder berries
!, !, Buckwheat is not healthy food. 1t i.
u apt to cake upon the stomach.
p Castor oil beans succeed best in tn,
bowels of the earth. They will sooI
work their way out.
Q The best preparation for hops is toaC
or two in each hill. They will make til,
o vines fairly jump. san. ........
e In reaping wheat never take it by tn,
b beard. 1t is found to go against tn,
h grain.
Il In making cider out of apples founc
!; it pretty tight squeeze, notwithstandin!
S my long connection with the press
e Never drink cider made from crab apples
e 1t is pretty certuin to ego back on you
2. The usual time to put in rye is early il
# the morning. Some husbandmen, es
: pecially those in the city continue +