The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-04-08
VARIOUS ITEMS

VARIOUS ITEMS.
A wife in st. Joseph shot her husband
through the arm the other day because
he promised to buy her night-gown
with three feet trail, and didn't.
A countryman, in short discourse on
love, says: 1T does pear like girls go
half way, but it pears like team oS
oxen couldn't draw 'em t'other half"
A girl in Hunterdon county, New Jer-
sey, was choked dead the other day by
her lovers arm, the lusty young man
thinking she was s'only in fun" wkenshe
struggled.
The- .IEonaasss Journal, in speaking Of
Winnie Ream and her statue of, Lincoln,
says that flattery and petting, and the
granting to curls what is only duo to
brains, can do woman no real good.
Mrs. Gardiner, in letter to an Indi-
ana paper, makes the declaration that wo-
men carry concealed weapon that can,
if properly used, sway the destinies or
all mankind"
Quilp and his wife had a bit of conteu-
| ton the other day. "I own that you
have more brilliancy than IT, said the
woman, "but have the better jud9-
ment." EYES," said Quilp, "your choice
in marriage shows that" Quilp was in
formed that he was brute.
It is the qneerest thing In the world
what Charlotte Smith, of Rockport,
Massachusetts,, can want of her runaway
husband. whom she describes in an ad-
vertisement as ga little man, badly Grip
pied in one leg, one leg shorter than the
other, false teeth and bald head"
Mr.. Becker of Missouri, returning to
his desolate hearth, found a tender note
from his wife, saying, 81 leave you mine
and Toms picture; you had better break
up the house and live at home. love
tom better than do you and that is why
I have gone"
Josh Billings says: "It strains mans
| philosophy the wuss kind to Iaf when he
gets beat" It is observable, also, that
when man sprawls in the slush at tho
crossing,ls lom joins very heartily in
the mirth Which his mishap exeites
among the spectators.
1t was no joke when a member Of the
/ Pennsylvania Legislature, year ago,
remembering that Thomas Scott was
President of the Pennsylvania Central,
rose in his seat and said, aMr. Speaker,
| il Thomas Scott has no more business
for this Legislature, move we adjourn" I"
A fair maid Of Evansville, Indiana,
! brought suit for breach Q of promise
against q wealthy bachelor, and claimed
that her sensitive and confding nature
had suffered $50, 200 worth of damage.
The jury could not see it in that light,
and only gave the innocent victim six
cents. She declares her supreme indif-
| ference to the woman's rights movement,
because she has proof enough that the
country has already gone to irreparable
smash.
! According to the Interior, there is a
lady in Chicago who estimates her annual
church going expenses at $1,587 65.
| This trlfing amount, it should be said,
includes new dresses for four daughters,
and does not include the extra expense
of horses, coachman, etc. For the en-
lightenmento of the curious public, it should
also be added that a hundred dollars
goes upon this ladies' precious person
where FIVE cents goes into the plate.
The Chicago Tribune processes to
know that woman, not only of high
social position and large fortune, but Of
sincere piety and thorough benevolence
may steal;D aud further says: "We
have known, repeatedly known women of
perfect responsibility to steel petty arti-
cles wllile visiting at each others residen-
ces, and to remain on terms of the most
cordial intimacy and apparent good will
after each other knew that the other had
been flching from her, and that her own
returned theft was fully known"
At the recent meeting Of the Women's 5
Board of Missions, in Boston, Mrs. Wright
read a letter detailing the earnest endeav
ors of poor crippled girl in New Hamp-
shire to do something for the cause. She
cut off her beautiful hair and sold it for
ST, which she gavo to the Tract Society.
| A cone basket, the result of long and
painful labor on her part, she offered to
the cause of missions At the desire of
many ladies', this basket was Iassed
around IN the church that they might
fill it with offerings, and nearly 500 was
thus collected.
| "Cheaper than dirt" is the pertinent
inscription on case Of soap in an apcthe-
cary's window.
Why are the candidates who fail to get
elected like the world I? Because they are
depressed at the polls.
There is ahilly county in East Tennes-
see where the children look up the CHM
ney to see ifthe cows arc coming nome
| aHere's your Mule" is the title Oh
Kanawha river steamer. a
CRIME IN KANsAs.-In Greenwooo
county. Kansas, few days ago, q Sisi-
| r- Is.,,,,;ttoo saized eight men known