Weekly Trinity journal., 1871-01-14
NUMBER 2.
FACT AND FANCY.
The poor mans story-the garret.
To get rid of bore-let him a loan.


The cards which the slanderer plays-trey-
deuce
One Kansas editor calls another an {" eight
cen karat fraud
No man has a right to do as he peases unless
he pleases to do right.
The stage carpenters is q precarious life.
lie is always seen shifting for living.
Keep your own secrets youth will blab, and
1T is quite certain that age will tell"
To young lades-keep your eyes wide omen
before marriage, but half shut afterward.
A Western engineer has invented n hot wa
ter pump to squirt deaf men off the track
Politics, says defeated candidate, are like
the measels-a man never has them badly but
once.
An obstinate Juror at Evansville wouldn't
agree till the others had knocked him down a
few times.
A New York couple stopped "gittn " married
the other day to witness lively dog fight in
the vestibule.
All the poor Indians are after that wealthy
red maiden who has dried three bushels of grass
hoppers this fall.
May Bellard, of La Crosse, took a hot brick to
bed with her to warm her feet, and burned up q
$4,000 house by so doing.
The man who meets ones remark with q
" Fddesticks W clearly wishes to do vons
(vioenco) to one feelings.
"Pm ruined +" as the old woman said when
her house was on fire " but it's cold night,
and might as well warm myself"
A bunting party from Sparta, Wis, recently
followed the trail Of u bear for three whole DAYS
before discovering that it was last years tracks.
An Omaha man penned up u neighbor's COW
and then sold him milk for three weeks The
latter has just found out the joke and has gone
to law about it.
An editor in the West, whose paper 'Twent
up some years since, has been selling his ex-
changes to a paper mill ever since, realizing Il
considerable income.
"My dear sir" said a candidate, accosting a
sturdy wag on the day of election " | am very
glad to see YOU" "You nesdn't be-" said the
wag, " have voted"
Detroter who took flask of whisky with
him on n shooting trip, struck II racc-track in
the suburbs on his return, and walked round it
all night, wondering why he didn't get to town.
Joe Jefferson got check cashed in a New
York bank where he was not recognized, by
simply remarking in his inimitable STYLE {" If
mein little dog Schneider vas here, he vould
know me'
A young lady was approached in a city church
by sympathaing friend and asked if she did
not wish to get religion Yes" she replied,
but not until after the second of January |
want to go to the ball first"
A man in Essex Massachusetts,, refused to
have the pego OF a now pair of shoes he was buy
ing for has hey rasped Off because in that case
the boy would run all over town and the shoes
wouldn' t last him three weeks.
An Iowa girl who has graduated at tho head
OF her class in the State University, drove the
team of reaping machine for three weeks in
the last seasons harvest, because her father fell
i'll and was too poor to hire help.
An ambitious lad Of Eew London, Conn, has
turned up after an absence of two years Find
ing himself at a distance from home he tossed
penny to see which way he should return, and
fortune directed him ria China
A nice pious old man thought his oxen laid
ont strength brushing away flies, so he tied
bricks TO their tails. The plan worked well un-
Til one Of the bricks struck the old man on tho
head. The oXens tails are loose now.
4" Sir" said an Gstonished landlady to q tray
eler who had sent his cup forward for the sixth
time, you must be very ford of coffee" ayes,
rladam, am, " he replied, " or | should never
hove drank so much water to get little"
II may be regarded as settled that two rail-
road trains cannot pass each other on one track.
Western road, on which the attempt was
made, lost 500, 600 in the operation, and is not
likely to make another experiment of the same
kind.
nod significant, e stately Gait, clustering
manner, and a tone Of weight, a smile sarcastic,
an expressive stare adopt all these as time and
place will bear, then rest assured that those of
little sense will set you down as one of conse-
qucnce.
At a christening, while the minister was max
ing his certificate, he inquiredI the day of the
month, ard happened to say, 'SLet me see, this
is the 30tL" " The thrtieth p exclaimed the
indignant notheri "ndeed but it's only the
thirteenth"
An Albany damsel asked one OF her fellow
boarders, stylish dry-goods clerk, at the break
fast table, "Why is your mustache like my
back hair p He blushingly gave it up, when
the answer caused him to blush still more "be-
cause it's ell down -
Six young men boardcrs at New York board
ing house collected several hundred bedbugs,
pinned them cn q sheet Of paper in divisions and
regiments, and labeled the paper, " Operations
on the Rhine" and left the seat of war to be
studied by the lsndlady.
4 boot black hGvin taken situation in a
store TO sweep cut and rN errands, was ques-
toned by some former alociates whether he
felt as good as when In kGiness for himself.
"Well, 't1 hard to be bosaed round +" was the
reply, but Eey it of on the ash-man."
A. r. Stewart refused to close his store on
Christmas, declining to recognize it as a holiday
causing thereby much grumbling, not only
among his own clerks and employees, but among
the other dry-goods stores on the street. who
felt compelled to keep their own stores open
also.
At Western Fair several bottles of strained
honey were put on exhibition, when a chap put
a bottle of castor oil with the rest Several old
ladies sampled it with the same--result The
bee who made it was fraud. One old lady
said g even the bees have got to cheating now-a-
days"
There is a man at Gold Hill saws the San
Francisco Figaro, who has drank much BEN
zine that he is wholly Indifferent to the assault
of bedbngs. The most voracious insects can't
nlnpne him and IL has heen asceriained that