Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-04-01
Facts and Famcles.

Some fat men do not seek greatness
it is thrust upon them.
A country dentist advertises that he
"spares no pains to render his opera
tion satisf factory.
Some one asserts on good authority
that the "early bird" caught cold in-
stead of worm.
A sign in Red Bank New Jersey reads
thus: New maid and old maid CLOTH
ing always on hand"
/" Cheaper than dirt" is the perth
nent Inscription on u case of soap in an
apothecarys window.
Why are the candidates who fail to
get elected like the world? Because
they are depressed at the polls.
A man excused himself for marrying
by saying his friends declared he drank
too much for single man.
Why is baby like sheaf of wheat ?
Because it is first cradled, and then
thrashed, aud finally becomes the flower
of the family.
Indiana husbands always purchase
the mon explosive" kind of burning
fluid. They find it SO much cheaper
than divorce suits.
A war of races is waging among the
pupils of the white aud colored schools
at Galesburg, ILL., The City Marshal was
obliged to interfere in u recent combat.
Mr.. Henry Benecke, of Chicago, left
a note for the coroner explaining that
his suicide was an act OF consideration
for his wife, who was 81 in great want of
another husband"
AS prime sample ofcool impudence
it is asserted that Missouri woman
stopped railway train by.waving a red
fag aud asked the engineer fora "chew
of tobacco for her old man"
A Peekskill paper speaks of depart
ed citizen who was struck down by
the hsnd of Providence, and not permit
ted to finish the French roof be had
commenced on his house
A fire company in Auburn, instead
of hiring band If music to attend the
funeral when conrade dies, gives
the amount turnout would cost to the
family of the deceased.
Doubtless the reason why the Jews
caught their fish mostly by nets, was
cause Moses expressly stated to them
before they crossed the Jordan that
they could not have any Moabites
there.
The Jail at Keene, " f.. being ten.
antless, the local papers suggest that
I" as the rognes seem to be all outside
it might be used as safe retreat by
few houest people of retiring disposi>
tion.''
His Majesty Emperor William Of
Germany has been unanimously elected
an honorary member of the Charleston
(S. c. German Schuetzen Corps and
committee appointed to inform him Of
the fact.
IF any persons have somnambulistie
tendencies, sure cure, according to
Hartford paper, is placing pair of steel
scissors under the pillow where you
sleep. 1t is certainly very simple ex-
pertinent.
Sophie Worrell of the Worrell sisters
Burlesque Troupe, fainted dead away
during the performance in Frankfort,
Ky /, Tuesday night, from the effects of
over-exertion, and caused by an acci.
dent occurring some years since.
The latest thing+in the boot and shoe
line at Boston is crimped calf boot
the calf skin tanned with the hair on,
and made up with the hair outside tip-
ped with alligator leather. Ladies' boots
of same style have also been made.
An English constable arrested three
men, thinking they were dcserters. He
said he inferred the fact form their
"material oeing," and when asked what
he meant by that, replied "They
were free with their money, were drunk,
swore great deal, and wanted to
fight"
A shoemaker was fitting customer
with pair of boots, when the buyer OBJ
served that he had but one objection
to them which was that the soles were
little too thick. I" If that is all, re-
piled the shoemaker, tput on the boots,
aud the objection will gradually wear
away.
Last Sunday two gentlemen were
standing on street corner in Stonlng-
ton, Conn, engaged in conversation,
when one of them remarked tothe other;
How plain one can hear the ring
ing of the church bells in Mytic, this
morning did you notice it 7" Yes"
was the reply; !" | have noticed of late
that the sound of the bells could be
heard more distinctly since the opening
of the new road. You see that it has
shortened the distance between the two
villages" That's SO; did not think
of that till you spoke was the reply
n