The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-06-10

Its next appearance presents slghtly differ
ent aspect. 1t las progressed somewhat more
towards the perfect state Of the woman form
divine. Passing from this, the central figure is
the full blown girl of the period, Grecian bend
and all Lastly it goes "down to business" in
the primitive style Of our industrious grand.
mothers An impression seom to have got
ahoat that "Beemus" is the agent OF the Fat
Contributor" This is, if we may be allowed to
put it mildly, u slightly inaccurate inference.
The facts are, we had about concluded to get up
show with the aforementioned Fat c." Our
share of the show was to have consisted Of cast
iron frog, not to be too highly polished, nor
painted, and neither ground, filed or cut,-a
railroad frog, az it We're; jug of soothing syrup,
few seventeen year old locusts, and bushe of
potato bugs. His share was to have been human
or hogs brains, plenty of first class brass and
'wax works. He undertook to acar our scoyks
out of fifty dollars. We refused to know him.
denied ever having heard OF him or any other
'fat man. Now he has gone away with his
show, and we remain here with ours Our col.
lection Of articles remains unbroken, except the
Jug and that IS III. t. Ii any one insists that
we are still the agent of the Fat c." you may
say for LIS that G. 10 atness we are none of
those; we are tototaly" opposed to anything
lat, and are now dieting soup made from last
year clam shells, seasoned with dried gympsum
weeds 80. Here are few wise saws by the man
who sawed EN-: .... The young physician who
attemp'ei to kissa young lady, got his ears
boxed, because she didn't like to have !. doctors
bill thrust IN her face :. -. When is u turkey "a
ghost! When he is goblin -. The boy,who
rode horse-raddsb. was troubled with
nightmare 1T may not be generally known
that 1t is the custom wiIA the young Ottawa
beaux, when out riding with their "sweetie.,"
TO take toll every time they drive across rail.
road tack. rx9 was out with his lusciousuess
one day lately, and when crossing the track, by
mean. Of gentle hins from his fair partner
TOOK lone of those de was SO delighted that
he soon managed to cross the track again, aud
then, becoming delirious with the fulluess of his
ecstatc bliss, as it were just simply let the horse
Iced right along the track for miles, during
which tme he was tolling his little Belle most fire.
quently, as often as he could get his breath A
railroad train, wholly unconscious of the bliss of
this glass.er.man and his lady, came along, and
when near, whistled a blast Of fearful suddeness
-he horse looked around, and then uttering a
snort OF diSinay, ''got up and GOT at IA rate Of
speed July justified by the circumstances by
Which he was surrounded "in the which,"so TO
speak. lie soon spilled out the terrified couple
~ fr!c idly ditch. and came home Fortunate.
y 10 bones were broken, except those of the
Dusey' NOW you onght to see that young man
make glass He's got the buggy almost paid
1or' and this romantic incident happened only
2oout week ago.. Going home tie other
evening" ats o'clock, we observed young couple
holding gate up. They were on either side of
II, and 1t was evident it was hard work, as they
mad TO brace their feet out in opposite direction.
al" 'eai up so' Next mornlng, at 3 o'clock,
getting up to 20 Tor the doctor for sick friend,
we passed the same spot, when they were still
'no1e IN about the same attitude. They had
peeh holding that gate all night. Going down
Town a1 nine O'Clock in the morning we passed
she scene OF the conflict and discovered that
Lney must have been awfully mad In biting
49," oeuei ti!ey nau missed now and then for
we could see where they had bitten oft the tops
u we gate posts sniwed the pi,kets and tore Oft
great strips irom The top board of the fence on
el'her side oi the gate ..... A party of young
ffenehmen and Germans--they are o. X. now
these nationalis,s, because peace has been de-
o.ared, went out fishing one Sunday lately.
1hey took along couple of kegs Of beer and
utensils and condiments to fry their fish, But
they didn't catch any. So they fried their beer
They had beer baked, beer boiled. beer roasted
becf on the half shell, plain beer and lager beer
As they came home in the rain, it was funny
sight to rec them all asleep tut one, in the bot.
tom Of the wagon, with the rain pouring down
in ,orrents The fellow whv wasn't aslsen WAN
able 70 hang has chm over the tail.bosrd Of tho
wagon box, and ever anon he would ,hout in
weak Sad irregular accents, dot w. a mic. tina
what We had fshlhic)in. Don't i. TIL.