Middletown transcript., 1871-04-15
sxPosTTlON Or aAs0Mie
MYSTBnlHs.

enough to tell lies / have secuted around
pretty extensively among the different or
ganixations. I've been an Orangcman
and Fonian. and Good Tcmplar. aud
a Countcrfeitcr. and also Son Of Malta.
have belonged to the Sons Of Temper
ancc. and the Odd Fellows. and the Band
Of Hope, aud q band Of robbers. I've
been into everything, and thought l
knew everything almost. but didn't
Three months ago / became infatuated
with masonry, and since ! joined that or
ganisation I've discovered that there are
several things connected Herewith that
outsiders don't know just > pretty good
deal about. Now, Mr.. Editor. propose
making these aeorcts public. not out Of
compassion Tor my fellow-men. who may
be tending towards Masonry. and nc. as
warning and 30 on. because l haven't got
. spark Of human kindness in my brrast,
and would rather see every mothers son
put to the torture than not. but because
have spite against the fellows who initi-
ated inc, who made tha irons too hot, and
tho goat too frisky, and treated me with a
rougbness. generally. that the occasion
did not warrant.
Before Illuminating my narrative. l will
state, for the benefit Of those who don't
know, that Masonry is about six thousand
years old. Il was old when the fraternity
got into trouble at tho tower Of Babel,
and 1t was old when Adam first put on his
apron us Grand Master Of Eden Lodge.
As more convincing truth Of its antiquity,
| would just mention that a party of min
crs, the other day, in one Of their excava-
tons, came upon the pc'riicd remains of
a Masonic Lodge. with the members in
their places aud all complete; and emf.
nent gcologsts who have examined the
fossils are Of the opinion that thesc bodies
have been imbcddcd in the rock for more
fifteen thousand years.
On the evening was 10 be initiated |
made my will and took most affecting
leave Of my family. Thus prepared, |
started for the lodge accompanied By
Brother John Smith, 5. Il $, :. 4. who
was 10 /" see mc through" We had no
difficulty getting past the first entrance !;
but when We knocked at the second, a
fla. little fellow looked out through n
round hole in the door, and pu, this start
ling instiea.oty to Brother Smith,
Chetuxchronhig ghcockalorum? 10 which
Brother Smith replied chcerfully: Nix
y-dolly -whach- doc. The little fellow
then said: Observation-Disclosures !;
and my conductor giving satisfactory
answer, VIC were permitted to enter. Be-
fore had timo to look around me, long
legged fellow knocked me over with n
club he then stood me on my feet. aud
another mnrauder made a rush at mc and
brought me down again After had
undergone cxhiaraiing exercise fur about
five minutes, they stretched me out on n
BENCH and examined my teeth. pinehcd
my muscles, aud stuck pins into me all
over, aud showed cayenne pepper up my
nose. aud poured moui;en Lead in my
trousers pockets. and pulled hnirs out o.
back of my neck with rcd-ho, pinctrs.
with view, suppose, 10 make feel un-
embarrassed and ut home.
When | came to my senses | was alone
in the ante-room of tho lodge. IL was u
lively and cheerful apartment A couple
of erocodilcs were amuscing themselves in
corner. and few fnll-grnwn rattle
snakes were practising the flying trapcze
on stove pipe. The furniture consisted
chiefly of half dozen mummies, the
skeletons of Captain Cidd Lncretia Bor-
gia, Guy Fawkcs. Jack the Giant Killer.
Oliver Cromwell. the Wandering jew.
William the conqneror, Christopher Co.
lumbus and Dick Turpin; flying ma
chine, and remarkably healthy and we'll.
developed wildcat. Just then half n dog
en- pirates. clad in aprons and sashcs.
rnshed into the room with whoop. One
of them, the bggiest and ugliest. who
appeared to be the chief, ordered the at
tendants, in voice of thunder, TO trot
out the animal. The attendants disnp.
pearcd, but Immediately reappcared, lead
ing an iron-clad goat, regular double
decker, with sixteen horns. 4 pair OF
wings, and seven or eight tails stuck up
all over him, My eyes were bandaged,
and | was told to mount said:
Gentlemen, IL you'll excuse me,
would rather not I'm not accustomed to
going up in balloon; and, besides. I've
got an engagement down town. My wife
wants to see me particularly; I'll be back
in few minutes. rather think my
house is on fire, but I'll be back in few
minutes--yes, gentlemen. in n few"
Before | could finish my sentence,
was seized from behind aud planted firmly
as,ridc the Internal goat. Somebody then
said, :. Lct co." aud away he went. I've
been through a great many perilous sccnes;
I've taken part in an election fight; I've
been down in railway collision, and up
in steamboat explosion I've fallen down
three flights Of stairs. and walked ou. Of a
fourth story window. but this goat cxcur-
sion was q little ahead Of them all. When
como TO reflect on the matter in cold
blood. l wonde, that ever camc on. alive.
The furious beast kicked and screamed.
and rolled over, aud turned back somer-
saults, and front snmersnults. and drove
me against the ceiling and underneath the
chairs. till the bnndagc fell from my eye.
| y l. = IL. ~