Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1871-04-27
The Deaf Aunt and Wife.

InAD an aunt coming to visit me for the
first time since my marriage, and I don't
know what evil genius prompted the
wickedness which / perpetrated towards
my wise and ancient relation.
my dear" said to my wife on the
day before my aunt's arrival, you know
Aunt Mary is coming tomorrow; well,
forgot to mention rather annoying cir
oumstance with regard to her. She is
very deaf; and although she can hear my
veice, to which she Is accustomed, in its
ordinary tones, yet you will be obliged to
speak extremely loud in order to be heard.
Il will be rather inconvenient, but know
you will do everything in your power to
make her stay agreeable.
Mrs. - announced her determination
to make herself heard il in her power /.
Ithen went to ohm n, who loves
q Joke about as well as any person know
of, and told him to be at the house at 6
p. m, the following evening, and felt COM
paratively happy.
went to the railroad depot with car
rage next night and when I was on my
way home with my aunt, said:
aMy dear aunt, there is one rather an.
moving infirmity that Annie, (my wife) has,
which forgot to mention before. She is
very deaf, and although she can hear my
voice, to which she is accustomed, in its
ordinary tones, yet you will be obliged to
speak extremely loud in order to be heard,
am very sorry for it." !
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of herheart,
protested that she rather liked speaking
loud, and to do 90 would afford her great
pleasure. a atsq, y sse4
The carriage drove upon the steps was
my wife-in the window was John N
with face as utterly solemn as if he had
buried his relatives that afternoon.
II am delighted to see you," shrieked
my wife-and the policeman on the oppo-
site sidewalk started, and my aunt nearly
fell down the steps.
"Kiss me my DEAR" bawed my aunt,
and the windows shook as with the fever
and ague I looked at the window-John
had disappeared Human nature could en-
dure it no longer Ipoked my head into
the carriage and went into strong convul-
| ssieaas. -7--r--- p Fri
When entered the parlor, my wife was
helping Aunt Mary to take off her hat and
cap; and there sat John with his face
buried in his handkerchief.
Suddenly" DID you have a pleasant
journey?" went off my wife like pistol
and John nearly jumped to his feet.
Rather dusty" was the response in Q
war whoop, and the conversation con
tinued
The neighbors for blocks around must
have have heard it; when was in the
third story of the building / heard every
word. ''t- a@"
In the course of the evening my aunt
took occasion to say to me: @
How loud your wife talks r
l told her deaf persons talked loudly
and that my wife, being used TO it, was not
effected by the exertion, and that she was
getting along very nicely with her.
Presently my wife said softly:
"Alf, how very loud your aunt talks"
"Yes," said /, all deaf persons do
You are getting along with her finely she
hears every word you say" And l rather
think she did. EERfG th51 ~
L Elated at their success. at being under
stood, they went at it hammer and tongs
till everything upon the mantlepiece clat
tered again and was seriously afraid of a
crowd collecting in front of the house.
But the end was near. My aunt being
of an investigating turn Of mind, was de
sirous of finding out whether the exertion
Of talking was injurious to my wife. So
Doesn't talking SO loud strain your
lungs?" said she in an unearthly whoop
for her voice was not so musical as 1t was
when she was young.
at is an exertion," shrieked my wife
"Then why do you do it? was the an.
swering scream.
Because-because-yo can't hear if !
don't" squealed my wife.
WHAT" said my aunt, fairly rivaling a
railroad whistle at the time.
| began to think it time to evacuate the
premises and looking around and seeing
John gone, stepped into the back parlor,
and there he lay flat on his back, with his
feet at right angles with his body, rolling
from side to side, with his fist poked into
his ribs, and most agonizing expression
of countenance, but not uttering sound. l
Immediately and involuptarily assumed a
similar attitude, and think from the rela-
tive position of feet and heads, and our at
tempts to restrain our laughter, apoplexy
must inevitably have ensued, if horrible
groan which John gave vent to in his en-
deavor to suppress his visibility had not
betrayed our hiding place.
In rushed my wife and aunt, who by
this time comprehended the joke, and
such scolding as then got l never got
before and hope never to get again.