davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13

\ SoLpIERs JOKE.-During the VIM
ter Of 1862 Winter long 10 Be re-
membered by the Army Of the Potomac
our regiment lay at Falmouth. Il had
been hut few mouths in the field, had
suffered severely in the battle of Fredcr-
icksburg. and now disease, consequen,
upon Winter campaign. and especially
severe on the new regiments, was making
fearful ravagcs in our ranks.
Our faithful old surgeon, DR.. X.
though sick himself. was doing all that
lay in his power for the relief of the men.
but. with the scanty supplies at his CON-
mand. could at best render but partial
aid. Our boys had consequently, "got
down on the DOCTOR" aud had come to
consider an order to the hospital as a sure
ticket to the other world.
Early in February. our corps (the old
Ninth) was ordered to Newport News.
and from there, in the latter part of March.
to the Department Of the Ohio, to join eur
old commander, General Burnside. At
Baltimore. We were detained for several
hours, and. in spite Of the vigilance Of
our officers. some of the men got mos.
gloriously drunk; but were, after much
labor. finally got on board the cars. A
few miles out. We were brought to halt
by the breaking of the engine, and de-
tanned some time for repairs.
A guard had been placed on the cars
to control those who had imbibcd too free
ly. and the lieutenant-coloncl. accompa-
MED by the doctor. passed along the plat
form to see that all was right, stopping
now and then to give directions to the
guard. One of the party inside. about
full enough to say just what came into
his head. looked out of the window. and,
seeing the doctor. sung out to the colonel ::
Colonel. p-p-p-put the doctor on
guard. D-d-d-darned If anybody will
ever get by him a-a-a-alrve."
1t is needless to say that the doctor left
in hurry, or that the incident furnished
a joke at his expense for the balance Of
the campaign.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13

BENEFITS OF LAUGHTER. Probably there
Is not the remotest corner or little inlet
Of the minute blood-vessels of the boiy
that does not feel some wave let from the
great commissions produced by hearty
laughter shaking the central man. Tn,
blood moves more livcly-probably its
chemical. electric or vital condition is dis.
tinctly modifed--it conveys dihcrrn,
impression to all the organs of the body
as il visits them on that particular m.sti,
journey, when the man is laughing. from
what it does at other times. And thus i,
is that good laugh len:thens man,
life by conveying distiac. and addition
al stimulus IN the vital forces The tim,
may come when physicians. attending
more closely than they do now to the in.
Vulnerable subtle influences which the sou
cxerts upon its tenement nf clay. shall
prescribe to torpid patient $50 many
pcals Of laughter. 70 BE- undergone at suci
and such time. just as they now do tha
far more Objectionable prcscription-a pill
or an electric or galvanic shock and shall
study the best and most effective metho,
Of producing the required effect in eaei
patient.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13

4 LAwrEK's FEE.-A story is told at
the expense Of . legal gentleman who was
formerly we'll known in Norwich, Conn.
who nov lives in Oshkosh. One Smith
had failed in business and sold out, and
haring two or three tough little bills. had
given them to this lawyer for collection.
Smith went to the Office to receive the pro-
cecds. The amount collected was about
$50. I'm sorry you've been so unfor-
'una.e, Smith. for take great interest
in you. shan't charge you 50 much a.
| should il didn't feel 50 much interest
in You" Here he handed Smith Si5.
and kept the balance. You see. Smith.
| knew you when ycu were boy. and |
knew your father before you, and l take
a good deal Of interest in you. Good
morning. Come and see me again.
Smith. moving slowly out Of the door.
and raefully contemplating the avails. was
heard 20 mutter: Thank God be Jidn't
know my grandfather.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13

A RIcH GwaxNsrfclL Decision. Tho
New York Trib.ne decides that the plu
raj Of ''titmouse" is '.titmouses. and not
''titmice." .'On the same principle, SAYS
another paper. 1.-THE plural Of tailorr's
goose is 'gcoses.'" as indeed we hold
that II is.
This reminds M Of an anccdote in re-
gard to couptry merchant who wanted
two Of these tailor's irons several years
ago. and ordered them from Messrs. Dunn
Il Spencer. hardware merchants. then do
ing business in this city. He 6rst wrote
this order: '.Ploase send mc two tail
or's gccses." Thinking thas this was bad
grammcr. he destroyed il and wrote this
one ''Plcasc send me two tailor's geese. I"
Upon reflection he destroyed this ono
also for fear he would receive live geese.
He thought over the matter until he was
very much worried. and at last. in mo-
msutsof despcrasioW. - seiscd his peh 1nl
wrote the following. which was duly mail
ed: "Messrs. Dunn 4 Spencer: Please
send me ono tailor's goose, and. d--n il.
'scnd me another" This was the only
way he knew Of to order two of them !:
but Of course he had not read the abovc
wise decision thcn.-I'eterstury va }
Courier.
We once knew \ merchant who wantcd
a dozen Of the same article. and got over
the difficulty by ordering "onc tailor's
goose" and Immediately under it ''elcven
ditto. ."-Atidnsa Consultations.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13
Written for the Beacon)
' BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.

Reader, VIC often hear men speak of
beautiful women, as il there were nothing
loveablc but beauty in the female sex.
Beauty eommends but it does not win =
and if it is not answered by some inward
beauty, it soon disappoints; and may at
last. rcpel. So there must be something
more than personal beauty in woman, to
make her, tor any length of time, pleasant
in our eyes. or grateful TO the heart We
seldom see beauty and a superior mind al
lied to the same person.
1t often happens that pretty women
prize their beauty so much. that they neg
lect to cultivate their mind and manners
permitting naturally good understand.
ing to run to waste for want Of proper care
and culture. So it is with the very pref
ty women Of society whom men OFFICIALLY
admire, and Of whom you hear so much,
but they seldom excite any profound emo
ton, or win the hearts of sensible men,
They have many followers of fashion in
their train-but no one loves them. they
dwell in an atmosphere of fat,ery and fol-
ly. and are surrounded by coxcombs, and
VIII DC wcdued 10 foolS.
The women who make deep impress
sions. and inspire lore and respect in the
opposite sex, seldom bear the badge Of
beauty as an emblem Of their power
Their faScinations are all invisible to the
eye. 1t is their mind. their manners and
their sympathies that attract and retain
love. Strong men bend. cold hearts be.
come warm and breasts of adamant melt
before them: and yet no outward show oi
beauty assists them in their conoucsts
they work their miracles rs mysteriously
to themselves a, to others. But mere
personal beauty. delightful as it is to con-
template. and cnviable rs its possession
may b., is only small magnet compared
to other and higher qualifications Of the
head and heart. Women are inclined tc
believe, If fair faces and fine figures b,
given. that character and culture are su.
pertiuous. that the inheritance Of bcaut,
bestows the privilege of folly. There i.
no greater or more serious mistake thar
this: for a handsome person demand.
through the eternal fitness Of things AZ
inward beauty, harmonious whole. L
IL rs If the Creator had said to his crca
ture; See what have done for you. do
something for Yourself" For handsom,
woman who does not strive to become gen
tie. sweet and refined in her manners, j,
ungrateful 10 nature, uukind to the sex
and undutifal to her friends. If sh,
should make no effort TO become a good
and true woman. she Is not worthy Of the
esteem OF her own sex, or the respect and
love OF man. j. u. 7.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13

ANOTHER ADVANCE IN ScrEHoE.
singular discovery is announced BY the
Echo R"chelas as having been made hy a
French professor at the College of Saintcs.
in Charente fnferiure. Il consists Of the
singular fact Of actually bottling the sun 5
rays and utilizing them at pleasure The
writer describes the operation As follows !:
The professor takes vase-the material
is not newfoundland exposes IL in ccr-
tain position to the direct action Of tho
suns rays. After il has thus absorbed
the heat for the space of quarter Of an
hour. il is closed with cork and hcrmct-
ically sealed, a small aperture being left
in the cork. Aflixing powerful lens To
vase, he causes the solar rays to con-
verge t. point upon the wick Of com
mon candle. placed on table at a dis
tance Of one yard from the vase. In less
than three seconds the wick ignitcs and
lights the candle. which burns steadily.
The writer states that the experiment was
tried several times. and was equally sue
cessful on each occasion.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13

kV The names of eertsin great char
scfers sre - veil knoxn . fame, that Of.
ten little or nothing else Is known about
them. Homer is in danger Of having been
born in seven different places &C once.--.
Sh.kspeare's carly history q equally un-
authoritative. Nobody really knoxs who
old Parr was-some scsptical people be-
lieving that after all he vas only souse old
humbug, who pretended 10 be . great deal
older than he really was. And Who was
Mrs. Partiagtoa The old lady's NAL
streatment of she Dnglish Language Il pro-
verbal. II may not be uninteressing.
then. to know something Of the old lady
herself. The original Mrs. Partinston
was respectable old lady. living in Sid
mouth in Devonshire Her cottage was
on the beach 4; and the incident on which
her fame is based is best told in passage
from the speech of Sydney Smith at Taun-
ton. in the year 1881. on the Lords re.
lection Of the Reform Bill: Tho at
tempt Of the Lords to stop the progress cf
the reform reminds me very forcibly Of
the great storm at Sidmouth. and Of the
conduct Of the excellent Mrs. PartirRton
on that occasion. In the Winter Of S2i,
there set in great food upon that town
the tide rose 10 an incredible hight. the
waves rushed in upon the houses. and ev-
rything was threatened with destruction
In the midst Of this sublime and terrible
storm. Dame Partington. who lived upon
the beach. was seen at the door Of her
house. with mop and pa.tcns. trund-
ling her mop. squeezing out the sea-wa-
ter and vigorously pushing away the At
lantic Ocean. The Atlantic was roused.
Mrs. Fartington's spirit was up. But i
need not tell you that the contest was un.
equal. The Atlantic Ocean beat Mrs.
Partington. She was excellent at slop
or puddle: but she should not have
meddled with a tempest" This speech
is reprinted in the collected edition Of
Sidney Smiths works and as this is, we
believe. the FIRST time Of Mrs. Partingtou's
name being mentioned, the immortality
she has earned must be set down a due
to Sydney Smith.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13
TIE OLD HOME.

Under The silvcry moonlight
When the brave March brcezes blow,
AZ the gsies hour of the even song
Come thoughts OF the Long Ago.
The grey sad fare of the pre.en,
II veis-i hy Nemory's hand,
And the pictured scenes nf bygone days
Shine forth from the Silent Land.
The beehivcs under the scatifevn vail
The cherry tres grove and the bowers
The nrcsry paths ens she liiac srees--
The scent and the hue of the flowers.
White violets grew in that cool green glen
Brown thrushes sang in the glade
There the green grass waved in the merry breeze
And the happy children played.
Oh the joyous summer, with suitry DAYS,
How beautiful were its cues
" hen we sat and sang by the open door.
Stars twinkling through the leaves.
ineh Tue golden autumn when sheaves Of corr
stood stately in meadows brown:
When the reapers sang at Harvest Hor,c.
And the Harvest Moon looked down.
And again, the happy winter nights.
With the snow on the mountains $ crest.
When we gather around the blazing fire.
And gladness filled each breast.
The Christmas tides, when the shining leaves
We're wreathed on the old church walls
And the carols rang from happy hearts
In cottages and in halls.
The friends we loved in those dear old davs
Are scattered the wide world Der
Some linger out their peaceful lives,
Some died in the battles roar.
Brave boys are grown TO mans estate
Fair girls are mothers and wives
With sweet small cherubs all their own,
To gladden. their busy lives.
We have all VS. our happy DAYS,
Treasured safely from other years;
When the life that now bends mournfully
Knew neither toll nor tears.
Mid the pauses in LIES hard battle
], is sweet for awhile to go;
With lingering fee, through the sunny paths
or the days so long ago.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13
1 THIRD PAsrY.-Dr. Emmons, Che

A THIRD PAsrY.-Dr. Emmon., Che
able New England divine. met panthe-
istical physician at the honsc Of sick par
ishionar. II was no place for dispute
II was no place for any unbccoming IA
miliarity with the minister II was no
place to inquire into the age Of the minis
ter, especially with any intent of cn,anc-
ling him IT, debate: and above all.
where the qucrist was too illogical cor any
logical discussion. But the abrupt ques-
tiou Of the panthcist was
Mr.. E,nmnns. how old are youT
Sixty. sir: and how old are vou ?"
AS old as creation" was the triumpl,-
ant response.
Then you arc of the same age with
Adam and Eve"
Certainly. l was in the garden when
they were"
"I have always heard that there was
third party in the garden with them.
but | never knew before that it was you. -
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13


!, MoDEs on SAEHraf1on. y usra
salutation at Cairo i, "a - 70,
sweat 7" . dry hae shin - - isdi
cation of . destructivs sph6 1bssr.
Greenlsnden hare 800 90 InnrA :
the idsa of one Persoa -. - !
snether.
i Islanders. near tie PhiIn u.
PAson's hand Or fost, sn1 - Il owe,
their face.
| Laplanders apply their ~ e6ni.1t .,
perscns they salute very 80 zll
In the Stninn of IL - kaeyI ~
the LETT foot Of the pcrson addressed, pas.
it gently over the right leg. and themes
to the face.
The inhabitants of the PHILIPPINES bend
very low. placing their hands on theiu
cheeks and raise one foot in the air with
the knee bent.
| The Dutch. who are considered as great
have morning salutation common among
all classes. 'Smaakelykeeten." "May
you eat hearty dinner" Another is
"Hoe waart uwe?' "How do you sail r
adopted. no doubt. in the early periods o.
the Republic. when they we're all naviga.
tors and fishermen
Some author has observed in contrast.
ing the naughty Spaniards with the friv.
ol"us Frenchman, that the proud steady
gait and infiexible solemnity of the former
were expressed on his mode of salutation
Connie esta?" show do you stand p
while the Comment vous porter vous. y
''how do you carry yourself?" was equally
expressive of the gay motion and inces-
SAINT action of the latter.
In some parts of Africa, a young wo.
man. an intended bride, brings a little
water in calabash. aud kneeling down
before her lover desires him to wash his
hands. When he has done this, the girl,
with tear Joy sparkling in her eyes,
drinks the water. This is considered the
greatest proof she can give him of her f.
deity and attachment.
An Ethiopian takes the robe of another
and ties it about him, so rs to leave him
almost naked.
The Japanese take of q slipper, and
the people Of Arracun their sandals, in
the street and their stockings in the house
when they salute.
Black Kings on the coast Of Africa sa-
lutte BY swapping the middle finger three
times.
The inhabitants of Carmine, when they
show particular attachment. open vein
and present their blood to the friend as a
beverage.
1.-THE Chinese meet after l5l.s para--
tion, they fall on their knees, bend their
faces to the earth two or three times. and
use many other affected modes. Thcy
have also kind of ritual. or academy Of
bows. by which they regulate the number
Of bows. gcnuAexions, and words to be
spoken on certain occasions. Ambassa-
doris practice these ceremonies forty days
before they appear in court. The COM
mon salntation in the southern provinces
of China. among the lower order, is.
"iafcn?" .'Have you eaten your rice p
In Otaheite they rub their noses togeth-
cr.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13

READY ASrrDorE FOR ?olsoSs.-If a
person swallows poison, instead Of break.
ing out into multitudinous and incoheren,
exclamstions. dispatch some one for the
doctor. Meanwhile run to the kitchen.
&c; half glass of water in anything tha,
is handy. put into it a tcaspoonful Of salt
and as much ground mustard. stir il in
an instant. catch firm hold Of the IA
tents nose the mouth win soon fy open).
then down with the mixture. and in q g.
eond or two up will come the poison
This will answer in a larger number Of
cases than any other If. BY this time.
the physician has not arrived. make the
patient swallow the white of an egg. fol-
lowed by cup of strong coffee (bccause
these nullify larger number Of roisons
than any other accessible article). as an
tidOtcs for any remaining in tn. stomach.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13

MEs- DR. MARv A. WAixER.-A l,dv
correspondent Of the Bnton CSxyiev gives
the following amusing skeach Of . meet
ing with the noted woman's Rights Doc
tor on . night-train from New York q
Washington:
We had LEFT Wilmington soon after two.
and under the influence Of the dish water
We had imbibed there, my friend and I
we're awake. and were discussing the cost
Of printing in England and America.-
0aadenly very peculiar dressed person,
of whose SAabilimsnts On the
whole was feminine. started up from q
seat near by. and informed us that this
was subject in which she was verv much
interested. as she was about publishing a
book.
ALLOW me to hand you prospectus. !"
she added. But it was so dark that we
were obliged to ask what was the subject.
and who was the author. ..Woman's
Rights" she replied, land am the au.
thor" As VIC still seemed unsa.isfied j,
she exclaimed: "What. don't you know
me. DR.. Mary A. Walker ~
Well. We knew her now. Steadily and
necessarily. volubly and iucoherently, did
that woman talk on politics, literature, reli-
gion. physics. and metaphysics. and every
other known subject. till the train arriv-
ed. When. in the early dawn. tha. dome
which covers the assembled wisdom of our
Union. hove in sight. it was 50 welcome
that We thought the debates beneath it
would be supportable after this.
The Doctor was very touchy about his
or her sex. If | were to guess at her
age, am so afraid Of him that I would
lop of fifteen years from her record. He
takes all the conversation to herself, nev-
er allowing anybody to interrupt him. by
asking inIuisitively for information, be-
ing determined to be posted upon every
subject. Having fully agreed with her,
as being in his power. We were bound to
agree with every word she advanced and.
expressing our appreciation Of female suf-
frage. he took us up very sharply.
Female Please to use a more re-
spectful term that word is applied to an
imals. Woman Suffrage is the proper
term"
We endeavored TO let ourselves down
easily BY quoting Genesis: Male and fe-
male created He them"
Pooh that is played out" was all the
notice she took Of our authority.
The personal appearance ofDr. Walker
is not particularly neat in her clothing,
and his hair is not nicely put, up. in a
way to let you know if he is woman. or
II she is man. He wears a sort of
cross between frock coat and pctticoat.
which comes down to her knees. beneath
which are conspicuous his pantaloons and
boots. We thought he was somewhat rude
when she stepped off the platform. as he
did not offer US her hand to aid US in
alighting He asked us to attend her Ice
ture. but she did not offer us any Of his
tickets. which ought to be well wrapped
in grccnbacks to induce US to listen to
what he has to say when she delivers it.
Good bye, Doctor
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13

fE Why do you oppose the RI ing
Of the ballot to women ?" asked ksdy.
the other evening. Of confirmed baclse-
lor. Excuse me. madam" replied he
"but have not sufficient confidence in
their capacity to conduct government af-
fairs" What evidence of their mental
inferiority to mankind can yca advance 7"
inquired the lady. "A simple fact is
enough 70 satisfy my wind. and that is
the frightful way in which they DO up
their back hair
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13

ALTERING TnE CoScLusroSe- Daniel
Webster being called upon to preside a, a
New Road Meciing," in his opening re-
marks said i: Il am in favor Of all roads
except" here he was unable to ,hink
Of any exception. whcn friend at his el-
bow. seeing his dilemma, whispered -
'.Say the road Ia ruin" Webster. catch
ing the suggestion. repeated his first scn-
tenee. as il TO make it more cmphstic. say
ing. IL am in favor of all roads, except
the read 10 ruin"
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13

SFEDS.-frrsh Gcr,'cn Frnii, Hrb, Tree and
Shrub, ami ErsryTcsH S~cds, Jr,paid ~ mail,
~Ith directions for eWifHTe. Treniy-hre djGcr-
sni I'ackasss ~ eiiher class fer 81 90. TIE SIR
classes $500
.e,oo0 lbs Evergreen and Trce Seeds: APP
pie, Pear, Cherry, &c; Grass Seeds Beet. Cab
laec, Carrot, nion, Squash, Turnip, and all
Vegetable and Flower Secis, in small or large
quantities; also Small Fruits Stocks, Bulbs.
Shtuls :, Roses, yerhrnas, &C., hy mail, prepaid
New Golden Banded Japan Lily, soc Priced
Descriptive Catalo. ues sent To any plain ad-
dress, gratis. Agents wanted. Wholesale Lis,
to Agents. Clubs and the Tcade. Seeds on CON-
mission.
" WATSON, Old Colony Nurseries and
Seed Warehouse. Plymouth, Mass. Establish
Cd in Is42
Feb 2, lSss--2m
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13

kE Lake most garments. like most
carpets. everything in life has right sid,
and = wrong side. You can take any JOY,
aud by turning il around. end truubles on
the other side; or you may take the great
est trouble. and By turning il around. iind
Joys on the other side. The glcomies,
mountain never casts shadow on both
aides = once, nor does the greatest Of lie
calamisies.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-04-13

TMroRrED WErps.-ft is stated that
there are now no less than pa weeds
which have been introduced into the In
tied States from foreign countries, and
principally from England. As a proof of
the rapidity with which useless plants are
accidently brought over the seas. it is said
that in 1887 there were only 1877 foreign
weeds known in this country. As far
back as 1872 a curious little volume, cal
led Ner Eag'anTs Rdrit;es, gave n list
Of twenty-five plants which the author
considered had sprung up since the Eng
lish had kept cattle in New England. -
The .author mentions the "plantain. -
which. he says. the Indians call the
"Englishman's foot" as though produced
by the tread Of the white settlers. The
common yellow toad fax" it is stated
was originally introduced into the province
Of Pennsylvania as garden flower by a
Mr. Ranstead. a Welshman. residing in
Philadelphia, frcm whom it has derived
the name Of ..Ranstead weed" In 1858
this weed had overrun the pastures in the
inhabited part of Pennsylvania, and was
the cause Of bitter complaints from the ag-
riculturists Of that day. Chickweed, it is
stated, was introduced in South Carolina
as food for canary birds. and in ten years
spread for upwards of fifty miles. and now
occupies the outposts Of civilization The
Scotch thistle" is said to have been
brought to America BY clergyman who
carried with him bed stuffed with this.
tie down. in Rhish some seed remained
Feathers, being cheap in the new coun-
try. were substituted for the down, which
was soon erptied ont, and the seed spring.
ing up filed the country with thistles.- -
Another account says some enthusiastic
Scot introduced the thistle as an emblem
of his country, which soon made itself a,
home and became a nuisance
phid Ledger.