The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-04-13
WIT AND HUMOR.

--Inlantile conversation johnny.
" Now, Al be papa. going to fix the
h.nacet" Sallie: ooh, yes and I'll
be the nurse, and you must kiss me be-
hind the cellar door"
A down East editor plaintively
says that he has original poetry enough
to shingle meeting. house, but as he
has no Westinghouse to shingle, the
original poetry is useless
-" Now, children" asked school
inspector, "who loves all men p A
little girl, not over four years old, and
evidently not posted in the catechism,
answered quickly, "All woueA.'
"A farmer recently advertised for
runaway wife, and called particular at
tention to the meanness Of her deser.
ton just as the spring work was com
ing on, after he had the expense Of
wintering her.
When you see young gentlemen
and ladies whispering and giggling
and writing notes in church, it is a sign
that the man who teaches good man
ners omitted to give them call when
he came along the last time.
"A lady teacher in one of the public
schools Of a town in Wisconsin has
laid aside her fcrule and adopted the
method of kissing her pupils into ODE
dence. The larger boys, it is said.
are particularly unruly, and require
daily correction.
"A New Hampshire man. when
asked to give his consent to the mar
riage of his daughter, turned with
bearing countenance to the applicant
and answered frankly: "Yes, !es; and
don't you know some likely young
man who will take the other?'
"A little four-year old remarked to
her mamma on going to bed, II am
not afraid of the dark "No, OF
course you are not replied her man.
ma, "Cor it can't hurt YOU" "But,
mamma, was little afraid ence when
l went into the pantry in the dark to
get cookie "What were you afraid
OFF, asked her mamma. II was afraid
| couldn't find the cookies
"A young and pretty girl stepped
into store where spruce young
man who had long been enamored, but
dared not speak, stood behind the
counter selling dry goods. In order
to remain as long as possible, she
chcapencd everything. At last she
said II believe you think l am cheat
ing you "Oh, no" said the oungs-
ster, "to me you are always fair
"Well," whispered the young lady
blushing as she laid an emphasis on
the word, II would not stay so long
bargaining if you were not so dear
Nov. gentlemen" said peripa-
tetic lecturer to somewhat noisy
crowd who had gathered to one Of his
seances in an Eastern village, chow
would you like good blackguard sto'
ry2 All in favor will raise their right
hands" Ninc-tcnths of the dexter
paws present instantly went up and
there was a sudden hush of al! noisy
demonstrations. The lecturer went on
with his original subject for few min
utes, when some incautious individual
broke out with, Say. where's that
story ~ "Bless you," was the reply,
81 did not intend to tell any such story
l only wanted to know how many
blacksuards ale present You might
have heard pin drop any time during
the lecture, after that.
An Excellent Guideboard.--" Can
you tell me the road TO Greenville,'
asked traveller OF boy whom lie met
on the road. "Ycs, sir said the boy.
"Do you see that ar barn down thar"
"Yes," said he. $50 to that. About
three hundred yards beyond the barn
you will find a lane. Take that lane
and follow along about mile and
half. Then you will come to slippery
elm log-you be mighty keerfnl, stran.
ger, about going on that log and then
you go on till you get to the brow of
the hill, and there the road prevari
cates and you take the left hand road,
and keep that until you get into atbick
ct, and when you get there-theh-
then" what then 2" "Then I'll
be darned if you hain't lost"
AS specimen Of the precocity of
certain classes of American youth who
know more than their "iaddies." We
iave this, of a little street vagabold.
Who was recently brought up before
me of tue lower courts, to testify in
IN assault and battery case:
"Whelr 10 you live?" said the
Judge.
II i've with my mOthsr