The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1871-07-21
LADIES' COLUMN.


Is centred all in you,
As constant as the stars above,
And pure as morning dew.
Enough, though hid the cause may Ire,
III Hove yOu-and you love me.
A bad marriage is like an electric
machine; 1T makes you dance, but
you can't let go.
Girls, make q note of this remark
of an old, worn-Out beau: &" a mar
who most compliments a woman is
the one who most despises her.
1t is suggested that the first piece
of music performed by Adam must
have been warblings at Eve"
The ladies of San Francisco are
said to atone by their gorgeous toilets
for their lack OF natural attractions.
Mrs. Stanton has been 10 see the
Hon. Ben. Wade, and announces that
he believes that women have clear
right to vote under the Fourteenth
and Fifteenth amendments.
The Empress Eugenie has adopted
the little son of Madame Rome, the
Partisan Milliner, who was murdered
by the National Guards.
Song of the ladies at West Point !:
" How | love the military" Song of
the Cadets: GLOW love the mil
linery."
"Wiu ynn have me, ), rab = said a
young man to a modest giri. AZ No
John, but you can have me"
A crusty old bachelor says that
" love is a wretched business, consist
ing of a little signing, little crying,
a little dying, and ideal of lying"
Avoid argument with ladies. In
spinning yarns among silks and sat
ms, man will always be tcOrSted and
t'cisted and finally round mp.
Old Joe Dikes, who loves whisky
and tobacco, says be is not going to
get married till self-suppOrting wives
are all the rage.
An Indiana cCunty clerk has fond
in his Office a certificate which reads:
" This is to certify that |, William
Sands, is agreed that Jim Brown
shall hev mi Daughter Patsey 10
wife this 18th of genewerry 1911"
Ah.' said Sunday school teach
er, Caroline Jones what do you
think you would have been without
your good father and mother ?" 1
suppose, num- said Caroline, Il
suppose at l should ha' been a hor-
phan."
A Boston woman refused to permit
her husband to 90 on fishing excur-
sion, because he was very jpt to get
drowned when he went upon the
water, and, moreover, didn't know
how to swim any more than goose.
a Boston grocer, who excited the
ire of one of his customers by pre-
senting at his house his bill for goods
rendered, was waited upon soon after
by daughter of the debtor, who said,
IL wish you wouldn't come with that
bill when fathers at hOme-it makes
him nervous to be duhned.'
Happy bridegroom: "More money,
more money! Have you
that my money has
bought everything you POssess-thc
very dress you stand in?' Fair
Bride: "No, sir. Nor have | forgot
ten that your money has bought
what stands in il, :"
4 young lady of Louisville, having
very urGant -,nrnnosals oi
marrIage from an old gentleman
sent the following answer By mai! d;
Why thus urge me to compliance
Why compel me TO refuse?
Yet, though court not your alliance,
Perchance younger may choose
For 'tis state III ne'er dtsparage,
Nor will war against il wage;
do not, sir, object to marriage.
but dislike 10 marTi-age.'
a married lady who was in the
habit of spending most OF her time
in the society OF her neighbOrs, hap
pened one day TO be taken III, and
sent her husband in great haste for
4 physician. The husband ran a
short distance, and then returned.
exclaimiBg, "My dear, where shall
[ fiud you when l come back ?"
Figaro represents two married
ladies chatting about their husbands.
u What says one of them, " you per-
nit your husband 10 smoke In your
rooms 2 Certainly | do, but he
spends his evenings with me-" re-
piled the other. les, at that price"
& My dear friend, a shrewd wifi
avails herself of her husbands faults
to repress his vices"
An elderly lady who was hand.
ling pair of artificial plates in a
dental Office, and admiring the flu
ency " ith which the dentist described
them, asked him, Can a body eat
with these things?' "My dear
mastication can be per-
formed with facility scarcely equal
ed by nature herself" responded the
dentist. "Yes, l know, but can a
body eat with them?'
a Cincinnati newspaper man, find
ing himself in the neighborhood OF
one of Brigham Young's wives, and
having heard of the terrible life the
various fragments of that compound
entity lead, burned with an ambition
to reveal her woes to the world. lie
called to interview her therefore, and
she went for him in words to this
effect: Il will have nothing to do
with you. l am perfectly cOntented.
| get every thing | need, and have III
easy, pleasant life. Clear out"
A well-known New Orleans minis
ter, walking along the street few
days since, met q lady for whom he
had recently performed the marriage
service. Desiring to renew the ac-
quaintance Cior the lady had inter-
ested him greatly at the time he &C
costed her with the remark:
Madam, did | not have the pleas
ure of marrying YOU few days
since p
Il was married few days since,
sir"
"Yes-I thought l was not mista-
ken. | married you.7
Indeed. We'll, thought my hus
band was q much younger man thar
you are but hSve not seen enough
of him to make his acquaintance
thoroughly. BY the way, my dear
my chignOn is getting shabby; please
give me some money TO buy a water
fall"
Evidently this was more than the
minister bargained for, and with :
hasty bow, accompanied by "No, you
are not the lady-T'm mistaken" he
took his leave.
A man in Newark married =
woman who didn't love him by pre-
tending that her lover was dead
Then he locked up his wife in as.rons
room and Woodhull-and- ClaflineC
with a mulatto servantand a dashing
widow of 30. Then he ran away tC
Boston with the widows daughter
aged 10. The widow captured hin
at a hotel and married him. The
dauOhter ran away to Chicago Will