Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-07-14
WHOLE NO. 314..
Gloanings.
How to get along-Walk.

Coughing Hoss" is the Indian name
for locomotive.
A robin in Detroit has been taught to
whistle Yankee Doodle.
The Connecticut Legislature has a rule
limiting prayers to forty minutes
Philadelphia is to sprinkle her streets
with salt water.
Why is hog good mathematician.
Because nc IS good on u square root"
4 small boy iii Connecticut, not over i
ten years old, has been arrested thirteen II
times the last year for petty thieving. II
There are nine cities in Germany and
two in Italy which possess Lincoln
streets
The reason we don't hear Of girls Civ
ing the mitten now days-thcy don't
learn to knit.
The typical diseases of three nations
have been thus classified: In France.
disease attacks the heart; in America,
the brain; in England, the toes
In rash moment an Ohio farmer of.
fered his children ten cents quart for
potato bugs. He has his choice now to
suspend payments or mortgage his farm.
A lady was urged by her friends to
| marry widoWer, and as an argument
| they spoke Of his two beautiful children.
"Chlldrcn, replied the lady, ''are like
| tooth plcks-a person wants her own"
Mrs. Jones says to Mrs Robinson.
Your husbands quitca riddle to me.
my dear" TO mr. my love" says Mrs.
R., "hc IS quite acrostic' {cross stick, she
must Mcan).
\ census-takcr reports eight thousand
Coloncls in his district. There used to
be more in this part Of the country" he
says, "but large humber of them have
been raised to Generals"
An attorney observed to IA brother in
court that he thought whiskerS very un-
| professional. You are right replied
his friend "A lawyer cannot be too
bare faced"
y Western editor. who doesn't know
much about farming any way suggests
that for gardeniug cast-iron back.
with hinge on it, would be an improve
ment on the spinal column now in use.
1t was Coleridgc who said Of a school
master who was fond Of applying the
birch, that it was lucky for the cheru-
bins who had carried him to heaven
that they We're all heads.
The woman who never owned a Bible
supposed she was quoting it when she
greeted her son, who came home to keep
Thanksgiving, in the following words
Here comes the fatted calf"
At the dinner of an Irish association
not long since the following toast was
given Heres to the President of the
society, Patrick 0 Rafferty,, an may he
live to cat tie chicken that scratches
over his grave
A New York tlay wants an ordinance
passed to buy eggs by the pound, as she
says the farmers who raise the eggs have
a scye through which they sift all the
small ones for market, keeping the large
ones to eat at home
Some one wrote to Mr.. Greeley in
quiring if guano was good to put on po-
.atoes, lie said it might do for those
whose tastes had become vitiated with
tobacco and ru..l, but he preferred gravy
ana butter
Henry Ward Bccchcr says that when
he sees murder report in the columns
OF a newspaper he goes around it, keep
ing as far off as he woull, from "a horse
two weeks dead in the month of Au-
gust.
A Scotc!nnan's detiaition of meta
physics when the folks what listen
dinna ken the meaning o what they
hear, and when the mon who speaks
dinna ken what he means his ain sell
that's meotatisicks
A Broadway pedestrian, after vic
ious accidental poke, exclaimed 1T is
base tiattery to call man an idiot who,
in crowd, will deliberately carry an
umbrella sticking recklesSly backward
over his shoulder Or under his arm
Servant looks into the breakfast room
and says: Please madam, there's a
beggar in the kitchen wants something
to eat !" Mistress; Give her the wa
ter in which the eggs were boiled, Brid-
get it is quite nutritious
BY hlunder, the people of Worccs-
ter, Mass, have been ordered by the
city authorities to rcnumber their houses
with Roman numerals. The SPY shud-
dcrs at the thought OF CCCCNLIX over
its own door.
would you believe it, Sandy said
a divine, that never thought of the
sermon before | went to the pulpit !"
80, that is exactly W hat Mr. Mackintosh
and have been saying while YOU were
preaching"
Making assurance double sure-IIen-
peck-"My love, I'm happy TO inform
you I've insured my lile!" Mrs. II.
Then you ought to be ashamed of such
a selfish action. Insure Your oea life
indeed it doesn't matter about mine,
Isuppose.'
The Richmond Enquirer calls Toombs
and Stephens Il pair of FOOLS and freely
expresses the opinion that the former
especially would be much more of sue
cess in lunatic asylum than he is in
the role Of a retired statesman,
Henry Ward Beechcr says; at will
scarcely be denied that men are superb
or to women, as men; and that women
are immeaSurably superior to men, as
women; while both of them together
are more than 4 match for either Of
them separatcly.'
In Scotland the whole PRESBYTERIAN
Church is convulsed with the awful
problem as to whether the devil can be
saved. This question is raising more
feeling and exciting more vehement
discussion among the Scotch preachers
than is that Of the salvation of the en-.
tire human race.
OF eighty three ladies who left a pop.
ular restaurant, one day lately, only
nine came out of the door looking in
the direction they meant to pursue the
rest all took half Il dozen PAGES while
they were looking the contrary way. A
| person paid to take notes 50 reported,
and a heavy wager was Won on 1t.
The London Court journal contains
the following official court notice, given
| by order of Queen Victoria: "The
| Lord Chamberlain has been commanded
to give notice that the high square-cut
gowns which have of late peen occasion
ally Worn By ladies attending her mai