Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1871-09-15
Bnntl fur Dumurisfs

: ! :
A friend, speaking of a blind wood
sawyer, says: "While none ever saeo.
him see, thousands have seen him
scar.
An Irisbman, upon seeing squil-
rel shot from a tree, said: Faith.
aud that's waste of powder. The fal
itself would have killed the animal"
4 green'nn. who had never before
seen a steamboat, fell through the
hatckWay, down into the hold, ana
being umhurt. thus loudly expressed
his surprise, We'll, if the darned
thing amt boiler -
''Are the jury agreed?' asked the
Judge Of court attache whom he
met on the stairs with bucket in his
hand. Yes" rcrlied patrick, ''they
ave agreed to send out for half
gallon"
80 thare's another rupture OF
Mount VociferouS,' said Mrs. Par
tington, as she put up her specs;
1.-THE paper tells us about the buring
lather running down the mountain,
but it don't tell bow it got fire. -
Facetious Democrats in New York
city defend the expenditure by Mayor
Hall of Sc, 600 for hatchets On the
ground that they were ordered for the
purpose of " cutting down excessive
appropriations and that they will
ED $4,000 more to succeed. s
81 know what your beau's pretty
white pony's name is" said little
boy to his grown-up sister, the, other
morning tits Damye" Hush Ed
lie,'' said tie Mortified sister, that's
a naughty word swell l don't
care if tbs. said the juvenile, that's
his name, ''cos last night | was out
side the fence and when he stopped
at the gate he said - ..Whoa, Dams
ye." - ........
A lecturer on the moral senti-
ments" in Philadelphia, remarked
that the dearest ship in the worIf
was friend.h p" whererpon young
man rose from among the congrega-
ton, and stated that he knew anoth'
era dearer ship stiIl-and that was
courtship. The young man had once
been a defendant in claim for breach
of promise of marriage.
A lawyer in Ireland. who was plead
ING the cause of All infant plaintiff,
took the child up in his arms, and pre-
sented it to the jury, suliused with
tears. This had a great effect. till
the opposite lawyer asked what made
him cry? HE pinched me % answer
ed the little innocent. The whole
court was convulsed with laughter.
Two Irish soldiers being stationed
in borough in the west of England.
got into a conversation respecting
their quarters. ''Iiow," said the
one. "are you quartered p Pretty
we'll" ''What part of the house do
you sleep in ?" ''Up stairs SIN the
garrett, perhaps? p 1.-The garnet! no,
Dennis o. Brien would never sleep in
the garnet. - Where then % s'Why.
I know not what you call it. but if
the hOuse were turned topSy turvy, /
should be in the cellar"
JUST ALTKE.-A suffering man at
a public table, had occasion to use a
pepper box. After shaking it with
all due vengeance and turning it in
various ways. he found that the pep
per was in no case inclined to come
fourth ~
81 th-this-p-pep-per box" lie ey-
claimed. with sagacious grin, sis
so something like myself"
"Why?" asked a neighbor.
''P-poor poor delivery" he replied.
a GREAT CALF.-Sr William g..
being a parish meeting, made some
proposals which were objected to b,
a farmer. Highly enraged Sir" says
he to tie farmer, do you know that
have been at two universities, and al
two colleges at each university p
We'll sir. said the farmer, what o.
that? I had a calf that sucked two
COWS. and the observation made was.
the more he sucked, the greater cali
he grew"