The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1871-01-28
A Chinaman in the Kitchen.

OF all household trials and tortures, we
think those of Miss Malony as recited to
her friend, Ann Ryan-in Scri6ner for jan
uary-must have been the sorest. Miss
Malone, be it understood, had "five good
characters from respectable places" and
was well settled in her new situation, when
a "rale haythen Chineser, grinnin' as if
he'd just come off tax-box," was intro
duced into the family as waiter:
"Well, the ways and trials 1 had wild that
Chineser, Ann Ryan, 1 couldn't be tellin'.
Not blissid thing cud do but he'd be
lookin' on wild his eyes cooked up'ard like
two poomp-handles, an he widdout speck
or smitch O. whishkers on him, an his fin
ger-nails full yard long. But it's dyin'
you'd be to see the missus a-larnin' him,
and he GRIMM an Vaughn his pig-tail
(Which was pieced out long wild some black
stool, the haythen chate y and gettin'
into her ways wonderfully quick, l don't
deny, imitatin' that sharp, you'd be shur-
prised, an ketchin' an copyin' things the
best of us will do hurried wild work, yet
don't want comm to the knowledge Of the
family-bad luck to him!
els it ate wild him? Arrah, an would
be sittin' wild haythen an he a-atin'
wild drum sticks-yes, an atm dogs an
cats unknownst to me, I warrant you,
which it is the custom of them Chinesers,
till the thought made me that sick could
die. But the worrest of all was the copyin'
he'd be dom till he'd be distracted. It's
yerser knows the finder feet that's on me
since ever I've bin in this country. Well,
OWN to that, feel into way O. slippin'
me shoes off when I'd be sitten' down to
pale the praities or the likes O. that, and,
do ye mind! that haythen would do the
same thing after me whiniver the missus
set him to parin' apples OF tomaterses.
The saints in heaven couldn't have made
him behave he cud kape the shoes on him
when he'd be paylin' any thing.
"Did lave fur that? Fax, an didn't.
Didn't he get me into throuble with my
missus, the haythen? You're aware yerseP
how the boondles comm in from the grocery
II
dacently. So, for that matter, I'd now and
then take out sup O sugar, or flour, or
tay, an wrap it in paper an put it in me
bit of box tucked nnder the ironin' blankit
the how it cuddent be bodderin' any one.
Well, what shud it be, but this blessed
Saturday morn the missus was spakin'
pleasant and respectful wild me in me
kitchen, when the grocer-boy comes in an
stands fornenst her wild his boondles, an
she motions like to Fling Wing (Which
never would call him by that name ner any
other but just haythen), she motions to
him, she does, for to take the boondles an
empty out the sugar an what nor where
they belongs. If you'll behave me, Ann
but take out sup O sugar, an a handful
O tay, an bit O. chaze, right afore the
missus, wrap them into bits O. paper, an
spacheless wild surprise, an he the next
minute up wild the ironin' -blankit and
pullin' out me box wild show O. bein' sly
to put them in. Och, the Lord forgive me,
but clutched it, and the missus sayin', 90
Kitty!' in way that 'ud cruddle your
blood. Hes haythen nager,' says I.
I've found you out, says she. 'rll artist
him., saysI. Itsyou ought to be arristed,'
says she. You won't, says I. Il will
says she-and so it went till she give me
such sass as cuddent take from no lady
an 1 give her warnin' an left that instant,
an she o-pointen to the doore."