davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24
Dr.. HooFLAND S GREEK OIL.

This Oil Is sovereign remedy for pains
and aches OF all kinds
Rheumatism, Neuralgia. Toothache, Chill
blains, Sprains, Burns, Pain In the Back
and LoIns, Ringworms, &C., &C. all yield 10
its external application. The number OF
cures effected by IL is astonishing, and they
are increasing every day.
Taken internally, II Il cure for Heart
burns, Kidney Diseases, Sick Headaches,
Collie, Dysentery. Cholera Morris, Cramps,
Pains In the Stomach, Colds Asthma, sc.
The Greek Oil Is composed entirely OF
healing gums and essential oils. The prin-
cipal ingredient Is an oily substance pro-
cured in the southern part OF Greece. Its
effects as destroyer Of pain are truly mag
ical. Thousands have been benefited By
It's use, and a trial by those who are skep-
teal will thoroughly convince them Of its
ipestimable value
These remedies will be sent by eI-
press to any locality, upon application 20
the PRINCIPAL OFFICE, al the GEhhAS
MEDICINE STORE, No. 81 ARCH 81,
PHILADELPHIA.
CHAs. M,.EyANs, Proprietor.
Formerly C. NJ. JACKSON & co.
These Remedies ore for sale BY Druaoiks
&orekespe7s and Hsdieiss Dealers eus1yreh6s
fa4A
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24
DYSPEPSIA PREVAILS

almost universally.
Nearly every other person you meet Is
| victim, an apparently willing one; for were
this not the case, why so many sufferers,
when a certain, speedy and safe remedy Is
within the easy reach of all who desire TO
avail themselves Oft. But the majority will
not. Blinded by prejudice, or deferred by
some other unexplained influence, they re-
fuse TO accept lne relief protiered them.
they turn a deaf ear TO the testimony OF
thousands whose sutierings have been allie
Waited, and with strange infatuation, ap-
pear to cling with desperate determination
TO their ruthless tormentor. But says dys-
peptic: What is this remedy? 10 which We
reply: This great alleviator OF human suf-
feiing Is almost as widely known as the
English language. 1t has allayed the agonies
OF thousands, and is to-day carrying COM
fort and encouragement 10 thousands ofoth-
ers. This acknowledged pannacea Is none
other than
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24
lust RECEIVED,

lust RECEIVED,
10 Gross Frey's Yermifuge.
100 Boxes Anew Home" Soap.
10 CASTLE Soap.
25 Gross Toilet soap, assorted.
. Mats Cinnamon.
Bags Grain Pepper.
Allspice.
SMITHS, SINCLAIR & CO.,
apr2j Wholesale Druggists.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24
How IL Works.

The Radical TariH-Ho " 1t Works.
By the present tariff-the work Of a
Radical Congress, which has the sup
port of the Radical party
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24
DISSOLUTION.

DISSOLUTION
THE PARTNERSHIP HEREIOtohS
i existing between the undersigned, un.
der the tirm name OF Ford, Dodson, burt
Co., was dissolved on the I'd inst, except as
10 contracts then existing.
J. Is. FORD,
MASON w. BURT,
TRUMAN NJ. DODSON,
VIM II. PHILLIPS.
The undersigned will continue the Dusi,
ness of Refining Petroleum and dealins ~
Lubricating Oils under the firm naiheoi
TRUMAN NJ. DODSON.
MASON w. BURT,
aug23 WIN. H. PHILLIPS.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24

JUST RECEIVED
10 Bbls. ass'd Lampblack.
70 Mineral Paint, ass'd colorS,
p Boxes Chrome Green, dry.
. vermillion,
% Lbs. Trieste
% Bbls. Linseed Oil,
e" Narnish.
SMITHS, SINCLAIR 4 CO.,
apr2o Wholesale Druggists.
1OO KEGS BI CARB. SODA, ENGLISH,
lUU 100 Mats Cinnamon,
~ Bags Pepper, Sifted,
) Bags Allspicc,
AT LAuGHLIN BROTHERS & CO.,
Wholesale Druggists.
~ BOXES PEARL STARCH,
HC ~ Boxes Corn Starch,
% Sea Moss Farine,
~ Bakers Coco and Chocolate,
At LAUGHLIN BROTHERS & CO.,
apr6 Wholesale Druggists.
az BOXES CASTLE SOAP, Marseilles,
10 ~ Old Palm Soap,
50 - Colgate's G. Z. g. Soaps,
loo Old Home Family Soap,
At LAUGHLlN BROTHERS & CO.,
Wholesale Druggists.
IN BOXES C0LGATE'S GLYCERINE
~ Boxes Colgate's Honey Soaps,
50 Colgate's Fruit Soaps.
10 Colgate's White Bar Toilet
At LAUGliLIN BROTHERS & CO.,
Wholesale Druggists.
OOO POUNDS GUM CAMPHOR,
OUU 500 Canary Seed, clean Sicily,
$40 Hemp Seed,
80 Caraway and Anise Seed,
At LAUGHLIN BROTHERS & CO.,
Wholesale Druggists.
1OO DOZEN OLD HOME BITTERS,
lUU 80 Walkers Vinegar Bitters,
y Plantation Bitters,
- HOOfland's German Bitters,
Al LAUGHLlN BROTHERS & CO.,
Wholesale Druggists.
1OO DOZEN NERVE AND BONE LIN
lUU IMENT,
To Davis Pain Killer,
60 Bakers Pain Panacea,
At LAUGHLIN BROTHERS & Co,
Wholesale Druggists.
IN DOz. RAILWAYS READY RELIEF,
OU 100 Dozen Gargling Oil, Merchants,
" /" Little's White Oil,
90 Barrell's Indian Eminent,
At LAUGHLIN BROTHERS q CO.,
Wholesale Druggists.
100 GROSS TODDS LIVER PILLS,
lUU ~ " McLain's Pills,
10 Ayers Cathartic Pills,
10 WrIghts Pills,
At LAUGHLIN BROTHERS & CO.,
| Wholesale Druggists.
1OO POUNDS BATHING SPONGE,
lUU 80 " Carriage Sponge,
- " Surgeons Sponge,
ln 'I,n niS SLin
At LAUGHLIN BROTHERS & CO.,
apr6 Wholesale Druggists.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24

short Creek Farm for Sale.
,,uE SMALL FARM WHICH I NOW
occupy Is offered for sale. 1t Is situated
an the Wheeling. West Liberty and Beth
any Pike, seven and q half miles nom
Wheeling, containing twenty-seven acres,
with house, stable, barn and young orchard
with different kinds of fruit. Terms easy.
sug22dwSt4tw3t LYMAN COX.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24
AND THE BoNDHoLDER

AND THE BONDHULDbh
On his bonds...................-.....
To enrich few leaders and monoPo-
lists, to put money into the hands OF the
rich at the expense Of labor, are the
people thus robbedl Is it . wonder the
people cry aloud for REFoHx!-Naoark
Advocate. .s-...---
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24
THEY STAND TNRINALED

Now, there are certain classes of persons
TO whom extreme Bitters are not only UNI
palatable, but who find II impossible TO
take them without positive discomfO fort. For
such,
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24
Cider Barrels,

1sO BARRELSI IN kXCELLENToR ORDER
lOU suitable fer Cider. For sale low.
augl7 HENRY X. LIST q co.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24

Sugars, SuEafh
~ Hhds. prime 10 choice View Orleans,
~ 30 do, do, Demsrars.
auSk u. RMuLY.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24

NrO MORE DCRACKED
~ Harness. No more boots and sboes
thrown away half worn out Use Clarified
and Perfumsd Pure Meats Foot OH, thereby
making the leather soft and pliable and In
creasing its beauty and wear 100 per cent
In quart and half gallon tin boxes conye-
nient for use also by the gallon and barrel.
ISAIAH WARREN,
JeI2 n Main street.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24

IN BOXES COLGATE'S GLYCERINE
OU Soap.
~ Boxes Colgate's Honey Soaps,
50 Colgate's Fruit Soaps.
10 Colgate's White Bar Toilet
AT LAUGiILIN BROTHERS & CO.,
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24
DR. JOHNSTON,

Member OF the Royal College OF Surgeons
London, graduate from one of the most sm-
inent Colleges In the United States, and the
greater part OF whose life has been spent In
the hospitals OF London, Paris, Philadelphia
and elsewhere, has effected some OF the mos.
astonishing cures that were ever known
Many troubled with ringing In the head
being alarmed nj sudden sounds, baxhful
ness, with frequent blushing, attended some
times with deragement OF mind. were cured
inn m, cd iataly.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24

Os BOXES CASTLE SOAP, Marseilles,
EO ~ Old Palm Soap,
50 " Colgate's Z. Z. Z. Soaps,
LOO Old Home Family Soap,
At LAUGHLIN BROTHERS & CO.,
Wholesale Druggists,
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24

OOO POUNDS GUM CAMPHOR,
OUU 500 Canary Seed, clean Sicily,
$40 " Hemp Seed,
| 80 Caraway and Anise Seed,
| At LAUGHLIN BROTHERS & CO.,
| Wholesale Druggists
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24

1OO DOZEN OLD HOME BITTERS,
lUU 81 " Walkers Vinegar Bitters,
y " Plantation Bitters,
- Z" HOofiand's German Bitters,
At LAUGHLIN BROTHERS 4 CO.,
Wholesale Druggists,
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24
TAKE PARTICULAR NOTICE.
YOUNG MEN

Who have injured themselves by certain
practice INDUCED In when alone, . habit
frequently learned nom evil companions
or at school, the effects OF which are night,
felt, even when asleep, aud II not cured ren
ders marriage impossible, and destroys bath
mind and body, should apply Immediately.
What a pity that young man, the hops
OF his country, the darling OF his parents
should be snatched nom all prospects and
enjoymens Of life by the consefeuocs ol
deviating from the path Of nature and In.
dulging in n certain secret habit. Such PER.
sons must, before contemplating
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-24

az BOXES PEARL STARCH,
HC ~ Boxes Corn Starch,
% b" Sea Moss Farine,
~ A" Bakers Coco and Chocolate,
At LAUGHLIN BROTHERS & CO.,
apr6 Wholesale Druggists.
Knoxville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1875, 1871-07-26
/ Oh, Jefferson Davis, how are the mighty
Our Informant is sadly silent on the
| course pursued by the ehivalric Davis

course pursued by the ehivalric Davis
DURING THE REST OF THE NIGHT.
Jefferson Davis, the president, added
to the enormity of breaking the establish
ed rules of the Pullman Car Company, the
crime of travelling on a .g.'t..l ...
L ... DEAD-HEAD PASS.
The conductors, on their return to Mem
phis, reported Mr.. Davis incomprehensi-
Die conduct to the Assistant Sunrrrintend-
ent of the road, Mr., Ryan, who was high
ly indignant, and reported the matter to
the Superintendent, Mr.. Anderson.
Here we rest. What the road will do or
have done remains q secret.
Perhaps the free pass of the distinguish
ed insurance agent will be annulled. Per-
haps-but we won'tspeculate.
Recalling the fact, that at the downfall of
the confederacy, Mr. Davis valiantly surren-
dered in the guise of the venerable aunt of
his wife, clothed in petticoats, hoopskirt
and shawl, we are not surprised that this
amiable weakness of his character should
again become prominent in the piping
times of peace. Chivalry and hoopskirts
are inseparable in the mind of the great
man who occupies prominent position in
the politics of his country and the insur-
ance companies of the South.
Viewing the conduct of the venerable
Jefferson in a charitable light, we can place
this construction on his suspicious conduct:
Feeling that the lady under his charge
might be lonely during the night, the chiv-
airy of his grand nature prompted him to
repose near her, in order that her slumbers
might not be disturbed!
Or, wrapped up in the mighty and grave
responsibilities of his insurance business,
he might have deemed it his duty as Presi-
dent of the Southern Life Insurance Com
pany, to devote his personal attention to
the safety of the LADY under his charge ~
that in case of accident his insurance com
pany might not suffer
These are our charitable coniectures, but
others put a coarser and more criminal con-
struction on the conduct of the revered ex-
President
Possibly the husband of the lady, who
was so kindly protected by the distinguish
ed etcetera will view it in this light.
If so, the obituary of Jefferson Davis
may be literary production at no distant
date.
Knoxville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1875, 1871-07-26
Sixty Thousand Dollars for Race Horse.

The New York SIM in its report of the
races at Long Branch, states that John
Harper, of Kentucky, was offered the
large sum of sixty thousand dollars for his
splendid horse, "Longfellow," the day af-
ter he took the starch out of the boosted
Eastern champions, Freeknees and Helm
bold, so handsomely. The only thing
more surprising to the New York nabobs
than this offer, was its flat rejection. Old
Mr.. Harper.had publicly said that he would
not sell the horse at any price, and he
seems to have meant what he said. Near
ly all the prominent turfmen attending
the races tried to get the colt priced to them
for him, New York merchant raised him
to SAC, 1000, and MID. w. Smith, the own
er of Lady Thorn, threw everybody into
the shade by the $4,000 bid. But the old
man could not be tempted to part with
| his favorite.
Knoxville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1875, 1871-07-26
RHEUMATISM AND NEURALGI
FEVER AND AGUE CUREI

Ihere Is not remedial agent in this world that will
cure Fever and Ague and all other Malarious BiIious
Scarlet, Typhoid, Yellow and other Fevers aded by
Runway Pillsl 50 quiek as RadMRy,s Ready Reliaf
Knoxville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1875, 1871-07-26

Helmbold has built an entire block of
buildings here, and all are occupied. He
owns large vacant lot adjoining these
buildings, surrounded with high fence
on which his advertisements are conspicu-
ously painted. His family occupy a neat
cottage, live very quietly and are much
respected. He drives tandem team of
bay horses, but makes no special display.
- Long Brunch Letter
Knoxville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1875, 1871-07-26

A leading lecturer classified his audience
as follows: The "still-attentives," the
quick-responsives," the "hard-to-lifts,"
the 'wOn 't-applauds, and the "git-up-and-
go-outs.n
Knoxville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1875, 1871-07-26
OVARIAN TUMoR CURED.

Never has a medicine taken internally been known
to have cured tumors either of the womb uteri,
res bowels; the knife has been the sole reliance in
the hands of experienced surgeons; but Dr. Railways
Sarsaparan settles this question: For it has cured
over TWENTY persons of OVARIAN CYsTs and TUMoRs,
well Tumors in the bowels, uterus. womb, liver
Dropsca ILLUSION. Ascites. and Calculus Concretions
TumOr of Twelve Years Growth Cured by
Radway's ResOIvent.
Knoxville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1875, 1871-07-26
WNHFO NNUES WTVWEH VI
Radway's ResOIvent.
r. R. r.
RAILWAYS READY RELIEF
Cures the Worst Pains in from One to
Twenty Minutes.


Twenty Minutes.
Not one kour after reading this advertisement need
--.. any one suffer with pain
RAILWAYS READY RELIEF
Is cure 1t was the first and is the Only Pain
Remedy that instantly stops the most
excrucating pains.
AArAfs INF GSSGhsTISSss AND CURES
Whether of the Lungs. Stomach. Bowels, or other
Glands ana organs by ono application in from 70
No matter how violent excrucistiHg the pain, the
rheumatic, Bed-rdden, Infrn, Crippled, Nervous
Neuralgia or Frustrated with disease may suffer.
[ ,RADWAY'S READY RELIEF =
Win, in from one to twenty minutes afford ease ana
comfort and this medicine rapid in stopping pain
can be purchased for fifty per bottle at almost
continent, and within one hours distance of almost
every habtaton in the United States.
RHEUMATISM AND NEURALGIA.
If those who arc now suffering pain, matter what
ternal, apply the Railways Ready Relief To- the mart
OF the body where the pain is present. If internal 20
sPasms, Inflammation, Congestion, Asatic GhoIere
Chllls and Fever the most violent excrutiating and
minutes.
FEVER AND AGUE CUREDJ
There is not remedial agent in this world that will
Scarlet Typhoid yellow and other Fevers' Saded bs
Railways Pills,0 50 quick Railways Ready Relief
DR.. Railways Perfect Purgative Pills
Perfectly tasteless-ElesAntly Coated with Sweet
Gum-Pnrge, Regulate, Purify, Cleanse and StrenEben
RAILWAYS PILLS, for the cure of ali disordsrs 81
the Stomach, Bowels, kidnops, Bladder Nervous DiS
eases Headache, Constipation, COstiyeness Indigcs
ton pyspeBsa, Bilioqsness. Bilious Fever tnfammS-
ton OF the Bowels, Piles and all Derang OF the
Internal Niscera. Warranted TO effect positive oure
deleterious drugs. VI
So observe the following symptoms resulting from
diseases OF the digestive oTgans Consumption Inward
PILES fullness Of the Blood in the Head Acidty the
Stomach Nausea deartourn Disgust Of Food, Full
ness or eight in the Stomach, Sour Eructaons Sink
ing or FuueTng at the Pit of tie Stomach SWIMMING
OF the head Hurried and Difficult breathing Flutter-
ing at the Heart Choking or suiloeating Sensations
when IN a lying posture, Dmness of Vision, Dots or
Webs before the Sight Fever and Dull Pain In the
Head, Deficiency Of Precipitation, Yellowness OF Tie
skin and Eyes, Pain In the side, Chest Limbs and
sudden Fiushes Of Heat burning in tho Flesh. few
doses OF HADwAY'S PILLS will free tho system from ali
the above named disorders
Price, - Cents per Box.
M SOLD BY AIS. DEJGG ENEg, -
hegl False and True Send one leber-stqrri ia
EADhAI 4 Co No 81 Maiden lame. Nev Ic.a
lu' pr f.l o. W5Ell tpcuna,45 will bo -opt 500.
....7.I ..s... .. ..'- sEI4
Knoxville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1875, 1871-07-26
kidney, Bladder,

THE WASTES OF THE BODY
Are supplied with new, healthy and vigorous blood,
that furnishes sound structure. Hence all ufering
from weakening discharges, either male or female, OF
from Ulcers Sores through the reparative process
RADWAY's SARsAPA RILLIAN are arrested and the rup
tured organs healed.
The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-12-24

SELF RELIANCE.-There is nothing more
likely to result in the successful career of a
young man than confident self-reliauce. II
Is astonishing how much more a youth will
accomplish who relies upon himself than
one who depends upon others for assist
ance: Having first ascertained the direc-
ton in, and the means by which his object
Is to be reached, let him put his whole en-
ergies to work, and with unflappipp indus-
try press forward. The young man who.
instead of rising ut five, sleeps till seven or
eight and who spends his evenings on the
corners, or in the companionship of those
VINO are wanting in laudable ambition,
rarely ever wins position of honor or
achieves a reputation above that enioved
by the common masses.
In country like ours, where the ovenuae
to honor and wealth are open alike to ali.
there Is no reasonable excuse that can he
offered for q mans failure to achieve one or
the other, or both. Ill-health or extraor-
binary misfortune may keep him down. INIT
these are the exceptions that establish the
rule. Few men know of how 1nuch thew
are capable until they have first tboronghly
tested their abilities. The amount of labor
literary or mechanical, which a person in
vigorous health can perform, is almost
without limit, if a Systematic method is
adopted, and the proper spirit melted to
the effort. An hour of each evening spent
with some good author, or the study of
some branch of useful science, will in the
course of a few years give to young man
who thus devotes the small portion of his
time an amount of information, literary or
scientific, which cannot fail to fit him for
positions to which he could never properly
aspire without this attention to study.
The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-12-24

The USE OF LONG NosE.AThe followinq
good story is told of Mozart at the time when
he was o pupil of Haydn. Haydn had chal-
ienged Mozart to compose q piece of music
which he could not play at sight. Mozart nc:
copied the banter, and a champagne sumner
was to be the forfeit. Everything being ar
ranged between the two composers, Mozart
took his pen and sheet of paper aud in five
minutes dashed off piece of music, and much
to the surprise of Haydn, handed it to him,
saying: " There is piece of music which YOU
first trial" Haydn smiled contemptuously at
the visionary presumption of his pupil, and
placing the notes before him struck the KEYS
OF the instrument, Surprised at it's simplicity
ne dashed away till he reached the middle of
.tne piece, when, stopping all at once, he ex-
planned: :" How's this, Mozart How's this
idere my hands are stretched out to both ends
pr the piano, yet here is o middle kew to be
Eouched. Nobody can play such music-not
2ven the composer himself" Mozart smiled at
ne half-excited indignation and perplexity of
me great master, and, taking the seat he had
9nltted, struck the instrument with such an
IL OF self assurance that Haydn began to
mink himself duped. Running along the
simple passages, he came to that part which
-nis .teacher had pronounced impossible to be
.syored, or at least endowed, with an extremely
tong nose. Reaching the difficult passage. he
streichea both hands to the extreme long ends
ot tne piano, and, leaning forward, bobbed his
inose against the middle kew, which nobody
lcould play. Haydn burst into an immod crate
Rnt OF laughter, and, after acluoWled zinc he
was beaten, he declared that nature Ra9 en-.
nowed Mozart with o Capacity for rnnsic
1olch ne had never discovered.
The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-12-24

Courage is more likely to be prudent.
than imprudence is to be courageous.
The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-12-24


As twice my age exceeds g score"
The Queen of Madagascar is reported
sufficiently civilized to wear hoops. Oul
own native Indians have had war whoop.
for some time, and they've got on the skirts
of civilization besides.
Young Gent" Might ask you, miss
ali" Mics" Very sorry, sir but am
= Gent" 1t is not dancing-ah-it isl bee
your pardon miss; you are a sitting on my
hat!"
"You fatter me-" said a thin exquisite
to young lady who was praising the
beauty of his moustache. I" For gracious
sake, ma'am," interposed sharp friend,
"don't make that monkey any fatter than
he is now.
An auctioneer, at sale of antiquities,
put up helmet, with the following candid
observation This, ladies and gentlemen,
is the helmet Of Rcmulus, the Roman
founder; but whether lie was q brass or
iron founder, 1 cannot tell"
An exchange says: "It is not good taste
for young men to stay after ten o'clock
when visiting young ladies'" Our devil
says he never noticed any difference in the
taste after ten o'clock. lie says it's good
any time.-Yonkers Ga=ette.
A tradesman, who had failed in the city
of Bangor, wrote on his front door, " Pay
ment suspended for thirty days." A neigh
Dor, reading this, said, " You have not
dated the notice." "No," said he, 81 do
not intend to do 30, it would run out if
did,
An editor out West became martial and
was created captain. On parade, instead
of "Two PAGES in front-advance," lie I'M
consciously exclaimed: /" Cash-two dol
lars year, in ADVANCED He was court
martialed, and sentenced to read his own
newspaper.
The father of the celebrated Sheridan
was one day descanting on the pedigree of
styled O'Sheridan. as they were formerly.
Indeed, father" replied Sheridan, then
boy, we have more right to the o than
any one else, for we ore every body.
A Detroit policeman found note book
which evidently belonged to man of care
full habits. The book is full of such sem
fences as these: Monday-Buy a gallon of
whisky to-day take four drinks. Tues
day-get a gallon of whisky at noon of
-; also, get shaved don't get drunk. |
Wednesday-see if the whisky is out; also, |
don't drink until after dinner also, see |
about more whisky.
The story is told OF negro who prayed |
earnestly that lie and his colored brethren
might be preserved from what he called
their "upscttin' SINS" "Brudder," said
one of his friends ut the close of the meet
ing. You amt got the hang of dat ar word.
Its besettin', not upsettin'." "Brudder,n
replied the other, "if dat's so it's so. But
was prayin' de Lord to save us from the
sin of intoxication, and if dat amt up
settin' sin, dunno what am"