The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-02-12
FEBRUARY 10. 1871.

"Does our talk disturb you ~ said on,
of company of laxative ladies to an ole
gentleman sitting in a railroad station thu
other afternoon. mo, ma'am," was the
naive reply, "I've been married nigh on K
forty years."
An inveterate dram -drinker being told
that the cholera with which he was attacked
was incurable, and that he would speedily
be removed to world of pure spirits, re-
Piled, "Well, that's comfort at all events,
for it's very difficult to get any in this
world"
A loquacious young man came to lso-
crates to learn the art of oratory. 1socrates
asked him double price. "Why charge me
double Z" asked the youth. lsocrates re-
piled, because l must teach YOU two sci
ences-the one, how to be silent; the other,
: how to speak"
A young man was tried on the chrge of
having m ordered both his father and mother
The crime was fully proven, and the judge,
before passing sentence, asked the criminal
if he had anything to say. "Nothing," he
answered, "except to beg your honor q
remember that am an orphan"
The municipal council of q certain town
.tc.,sdraw up code of regulations for the
ssrn. One of these ran "TO insure
Il, engine shall be in perfect readiness
occasion of fire, it shall always be
ID and tried the day before"
rious gambler, who has ruined his
ion by high living and hard drink
4 YAsaid to his physician the he Other day aa ;,
" IN may think SO now" grimly replied
thephy sician, " but you just hold on lit.
Ito shiie and ou'll find out the difference"
= ssSIy dear friend" said @ gentleman to
bankrupt, the other day, I'm sorry to
lea1of your misfortune. Your family has
nv warmest sympathies." ooh, don't
trouble yourself about my family. looked
out for them, you bet. just save your !,
sym pathy for the families of my creditors"
An executioper said to a criminal on the
wav to the scaffold, ~ feel a little nervous,
/ for to tell you the truth never hung any
d body before" "And to be equally frank
with you,n said the culprit, 81 was never
hung before but let US both do our best,
and dare say we/shall manage well
enough"
A youthful orator, declaiming against
ambition, took occasion to illustrate ms
remarks by the example OF Napoleon.
Observe" he said, his splendid career,
and then read the warning against pre-
sumptious pride and insatiate ambition
which speaks to us in thunder tones from
his disastrous fall All, if he had been less
ambitious-if he had been content to re-
main simple lieutenant of artillery he
AioNN~SA1S
perial throne"
Theodore Hook was relating to his friend,
>Charles Mathews, how, on one occasion,
when supping in the company of Peaker,
the latter surreptiiOusly removed from MS
plate several slices of tongue and, affect
ing to be very much annoyed ~ sue s,l
practical joking' Tell dp0n me- oo cSar1es what
would you do to anybody who treated you
in such mannerf" "Doi" exclaimed
Mathews, off any man meddled with my
tongue, I'd lick him."
At a theatrical fund dinner, MIR. Buck
stone once gave an account of q remarkably
appreciative audience he had once mao
at Dumfries. Especially was he deiighted
lby the occupants of the dress circle, VINO
lySere more uproariously hilarious than even
the galleries, taking every point instantly
and greeting it with shrieks of laughter and
obstreperous applause. At the close OF the
play. the comedian could not refrain IRON
congratulating the manager on having sucL
an excellent audience, especially IN the
- boxes. Yes" said the manager. theJ
felid enjoy themselves amazingly. tney ar
Hall mad folks. 1t ia the system OF the asy
slum doctor here to amuse his patients, ant
The took pretty nearly all the seats 10 'h
fdress circle tonight"
A countrymau went to a lawyer, am
kolacing purse of money on the table
!: fsked his opinion about matter on whic
thought of going to law wa Th Yo matte at
,o case WHATEVER" Upon this the country
Sa5 nocketed his purse, and was abou
TTalkipe off. whep tie lawyer stopped him
XReneat TO me sch land such parts of you
statement" Th, man did so, when tn
1owver. with NAM tAchnicalities, explaine
to him that his csc was a perfectly goo
ON and that 10 las sure OF veruic'
n NM gratifed, he pan hanaeo nls co i'n
9Se other called lint back. "My friend,
he remarked, 81 aV3 gwen you an oplnlo
for which you hSe W Palo me- anu VI
for which you haes1 VIII nov give "
tn consnIt yonr NJ Interest, you will b
guided by the fri lon-as 10 'ne s""n
One,n