The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1871-04-01
BR f. With S.

Why is the world like a piano2 Be-
cause it is full of sharps aud flats
Josh Billings uttered great truth when
he said ale who by his biz would rise,
must either bust or advertise"
An apothecray lately sent in q bill to
widow lady, which ran thus: "To curing
your husband till he died p
The man who, by a mistake, took
drink from bottle of mucilage, says he
has felt ''stuck up" ever since.
Reason requires culture to expand II: It
resembles the fire concealed in the flint,
which only shows itself when struck with
the steel.
A rich upstart asked poor person If he
had any idea of the advantages arising
from riches 81 believe they give rogue
an advantage over an honest man." was
the answer.
A street in Peoria, ILL.,, which about a
year ago was called Turtle Dove avenue,
on account of the number of newly-married
couples living in it tit is reported), is now
known as Nursery row.
A shopkeeper having advertised his
stock to be sold under prime cost, neigh
Dor observed that it was impossible for
him to do so, as he had never paid any
thing for it himself
A Western editor says: "Trying to do
business without Advertising, is like wink
ing in the dark (; you know that you are
keeping up powerful wiuking, but no.
body else has any idea of it,"
A young man of Cohoes, New York, in
haste to get ready for ball, rushed to the
barber shop for shave. Stepping up to
the mirror, he was shocked to notice that
he had omitted to put on his trowsers.
Tue japanese Ambassadors have asked
our Postmaster. General to furnish them
copies of our laws, regulations, and other
matters relating to our postal system, with
g view of introducing similar one in Ja-
pan.
A paper puts the matter which it wishes
to enforce in the following neat sin,ile -
"You might as well attempt to shampoo
an elephant with a thimb efull of soapsuds
as attempt TO do business and ignore ad-
vertising."
A "revivalist" essayed, in sermon in
Boston day or two ago, to show the
folly, sin, and evil influence of dancing,
and roundly asserted that the children OF
dancing people are generally cripples, or
afflicted with some chronic disease.
A Shaker held forth in Dorset, Vermont,
the other day. He came out strong for
female suffrage, and exhorted his hearers
to withhold their suffrages from men Of
war, and from men who would marry
'.for," thundered he "whoever will marry,
will fight"
Some Texans were alarmed by lot Of
hieroglyphics in newspaper, which, they
decided, "meant Ku-Klux," and thinking
their lives in danger, left town. They
were relieved to find that they had been
frightened away by advertisements of cat
tle-brands.
A learned clergyman was accosted in
the following manner by an iliterate
preacher who despised education: "Sir
you have been to college, l suppose p
"Yes, sir" was the reply. 81 am thank
full" rejoined the former, "that the Lord
opened my mouth without any learning
ga similar event." retorted the clergyman
"toox place in Balaam's time but such
things are of rare occurrence at the pres.
ent day"
A servant sweeping out bachelor
room, found sixpence on the carpet, and
he carried it to his master. "You may KEEP
it for your honesty" said he. A short
time after, he missed his pencil-case, and
inquired of his servant if he had seen it
eyes, massa." 'sAnd what did you dc
with it ?" Keep it for i'm honesty, mas
sa r replied Sambo, exhibiting his worries
His master exploded.
A professor in Western college ha,
figured out before his class the exact di-
mensions of heaven. He decides that il
contains but one thousand and five hun.
bred square miles and bases his calcula.
ton upon the twenty-frst chapter o.
Revelation. 1t is thought by him, how
ever, that this space will be ample, &c
many people seem to be going the othel
way at present.
"That seat is Engaged" said pretty young maid
AS entered a carriage one day;
ITO whomf" "a young gentleman" peutiug, sh'
said.
s'Then where is his baggage, prayf"
Her ruby Ii opened like rosebuds in spring,
Her face in deep bushes was dyed,
Asmurterng, Grossly, You hateful old thing!
Why, am his baggage" she CRIED