The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1871-06-22
THIS AND THAT.

\ sure way to .topa woman mouth
kiss it.
Warming to bald head-"Death
loves shining mark.
How to distinguish wealthy man
BY the Cr,esus in his face.
The grandest verse in existence-The
universe.
Why is a woodchuck like sausage?
Because it's ground hog.
What does a grocer do with all his
things before he sells them? Gives
them weigh.
Why are birds melancholy in the
morning? Because their little bills are
all over dew.
How many apples did our first parents
eat in the Garden Of Eden? Eve and
ADAM.
man. educational COMMUNICATION
pedagogie are required, according to
acre: 10 fl"hc " "is"
Mrs. Partington will not a,n.-
play the guitar. She says he had ~
once when child, and it nearly killed
him.
Why is the first chicken Of brood
like the mainmast Of a vessel? Because
it is little forward Of the main hatch.
The Boston Advertiser 10 wrestling
with the conundrum-"May.a a turkey
be said to be ghost when he's a-geb-
blin:'
What is the difference between .
chilly man and hot dog? One wears =
great coat and the other pants.
A reviewer suggests that Mr.. Lowell
probably called his new book my
Study Windows' because he took
great panes with it!
Two Ohio girl filled lighted kerosene'
lamps last week. 1t was the non-ex-
posve kind, and both sleep in the
valley.-[ Boston Post.
Why was Eve Low Church before tho
fall, and High Church after: Before,
she was Eveange,ical; and after shS
took to vestments.
The Mattoon (1ll. Journal advertises:
"Wanted-a good rain; one that undef-
stands the business thoroughly. Ap-
ply-all over the country! ~
The reason why ship is by commoh
consent designated in the feminine
gender, is because SO much attention
has been paid to her rigging.
A lady was asked why she invariably
went earlier to church than her neigh
bors? Her reply was, because it is no
part of my religion to disturb the religion
of others.'
Come here, Felix; you said the letter
L was glutton; how do you knew it?'
because he changes fasts into feasts,
is invariably the first to commences
eating, and is always last at tho table,"
a little Boston girl joyfully assured
her mother the other day that she had
found out where they made horses; she
had seen a man in shop just finishing
one of them, for he was mailing on bis
last foot.
The remark of an exchange that
/
menced life as preachers" ;" is gracefully
corrected bv one of the legal gentlemen
referred to, who begs leave to state that
he began life as an infant.
"You are very stupid, Thomas" said
a country teacher to a boy eight years
old. "Iou are little donkey; and
what do they do to cure them of stup-
iiity:' "They feed them better and kick
them less,' said the arch little urchin.
! \ story is told of Paris lady who
was 50 overcome by hunger during the
siege as to eat her beloved lap-dog.
After hearty meal she looked down ut
| the little heap of bones; tears fell from
her eyes. Poor Bijou"' she exclaim.
ca, chow he would have enjoyed
! Them ~
A pon,pous individual walked up to
the Office Of the Stockton House, Cape
May, one day last summer, and With
considerable flourish, signed the book,
and exclaimed, "pm Lieutenant Cover
nor Of" THAT don't make any
difference said the polite clerk, lyon
will bc treated just as we'll as the
! others.n
/ Grace Greenwood declares that only
three classes Of her sex should have the
sufl'rage-the single of property, who
| paid taxes: the married woman with =
mind of her own, taxed or untaXed;
end such other women as might desire.
Then she is willing this great sacred
! right should be protected by requiring
of the women a property qualification;
| let no woman vote who did not own .
good watch, and keep it we'll wound up
! to time, a clothes wringer and sewing
machine. Then there migt be required :
an Intelligence qualification also, and no ,
woman allowed to vote who could not
read and write, add up milliner's bin
and cut down the amount. could sew OH !
a button, and on pinch keep q board
ing house and support her husband
respectfully.
+. \. Mccartney, Superintendent
and Disbursing Officer of the Post Office
Department at Washington, who has
been in bad health for the past year, has
been sent to the Insane Asylum. A
deficit has been discovered in his ac-
counts to the amount of between thirty
and forty thousand dollars. Postmaster
/ General Criswell was first informed Of
this state of affairs on Friday last, and
. irnm iatply commenced an ipycxfira-