The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-12-15
scIssORENGs.


Switch tenders-hair- pins.
A stern duty-the rndder's.
Ruff work-making lace collars.
A universal want-want of money.
Protested bills-posters on forbid
den walls.
The cup after the cup that cheers
the hiccup.
Tooth and nail brushes-Fights
between women.
When life should come to full
stop-At dottage.
A man ought to keep out of trade,
if he can't get tin.
Some musicians put on more airs
than they can play.
1t is easier for man to be engaged
than to be engaging.
Falling leaves-those of old-fash-
ioned dining-tables.
When is smile behind time? When
it's little laughter.
Is it possible for garret window
to suffer room-attic panes.
Being in love increase the sighs of
young people wonderfully.
BARRIERS make many friends, but
scrape more aequaintances.
The Prince Imperial is studying
mechanics in Kings College, Lon
don.
To become a lion of party it is
not necessary to make beastof ones
self.
Why are lawyers like ivy? Because
the greater the ruin, the more they
cling.
Sugar beets-grocers who wet
their best brown to make it weigh
more.
Evergreens-merchants who ex-
pect to make money without adver-
tising.
Note for oil merchants-whale a
boy and you will find him full of
blubbers.
At Delphi, Indiana, the Mayor has
issued an ediet, forbidding any one
going out after 8 P. N.
The female suffrage party are said
to contemplate an appeal to the Su-
preme Court, IN behalf of their rights,
though just in what way is not yet
disclosed.
Apropos of Thanksgiving day, the
same turkey jokes are again appear
ing that have gone round in the
newspapers since Thanksgiyings day
was invented.
The remark is made that at the
Insurance Convention in new York
insurance companies were represen-
ted from every State excepting those
In state of insolvency.
All the first class hotels and cigar
stores in Chicago were burned up.
1t was more than a week before the
citizens could procure good cigar;
so as to join the ruins In smoking.
Mrs. Patterson, who presided a,
the White House, while her fathert
Andy johnson, held sway there, took
the first prize for butter at the Cleye-
land county tTennesse) fair, lately.
When a lady tainted at Wiscon-
sin party, a gentleman thought he
could resuscitate her py biting he1
ear. She recovered promptly. He
is going around with a poultice on
his eye.
A Crawford county 1ndiaDa) gen.
tleman last week procured license to
wed the sixth object of his matrimo-
nial and funeral desires in the person
of lady what knew how it was her.
self three times.
The secret service records of the
Army of the Potomac were destroyed
by the Chicago fire. The Govern.
ment has offered $4,000 for them
ffty-nine straightforward negotia.
tions were going on.
Mr. J. E. Gallup, of the town o.
Knox, Albany county, has voted al
every fall election for seventy-thret
years and during that period hal
missed but two spring elections. III.
is in his ninety-ffth year.
An Alabama paper, in a politica
editorial, madly adjures its readers
to vote for Judge So-and-so, ant
thus "rebuke the cohorts of the arcl
fend"-which is rather hard on tn
''party Of the other part. /"
A strong mind is sometimes NOR
easily impressed than a weak one
For example, you cannot SO easil
convince fool that you are phi
losopher, as you can philosophe
that you are fool.
The Grand Rapids, Mich, Demo
crat has the following "apolegy'
"Owing to the failure of the Eagle
receive its yesterday afternoons dis
patches, the Grand Rapids Times
without its usual telegraphic new
this morning"
ANOTHER DIRTY VILLAIN Ey