Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-06-01
tFrom st. Albans Messenger
THE PHANTOM BALL,
A Tale of ScandaItown.
FROM THE DUTCH OF HERR Won swIpER.

a known in the social world, decided tc
give Phantom Ball, which is considere,
by the elite as the quintessence of imru
dioity, q refined illustration of incarnst
incsdesence. Lest the public are no
: posted up in regard to the mode of dres
adopted at such bizarre assemblies it will
be necessary to enter into brief descrip
tion of the same. tf
The males and females are habited alike
both sexes draw on long white stocking
} over their foot gear, the men wear thei
shirts over their pants, the ladies thei
skirts ditto, sheets are then gathered owe
the shoulders, the corners being fastened
} over the arms for sleeves, and pink crap,
masks over their faces, and pillow case,
over the head, flowing orientally over the
back. No conversation is permitted ex
cept in gloomy whispers. Each one sc.
lects partner, with whom they dance
} play games and upon instruments of mu.
sic. This is strictly adhered to until the
hour for refreshments, when the guest,
are requested by an intimate friend (sans
regalis) to remove their masks. The
ridiculosity of the scene that greets the
. eye at this epoch can better be imagined
! than described, fof very many find them
selves face to face with comparative
strangers, frequently with those with
whom they are at enmity and full as often
with one Of their own sex. Therefore il
is not surprising that previous to 30
unique an entertainment all classes OF
people should have been interested,
especially those who anticipated an invi.
tation.
Well, the whirligig of time finally
- Il FL u
was spent in making preparations, till the
shades of night had gathered over the
lovely village of Scandaltown, and as the
face of Luna appeared over the heights of
Bellevue in the distance, great number
of people of both sexes were observed
winding their way to the residence of the
worthy people who were induced to give
this recherche entertainment. The Brass
es were there from North end, The Gripes
from the South, The Caustics from the
West, Tadpoles from the East, The Shod-
dies and Mushrooms of the centre and
they from Gallows Hill. In this molly
throng the beiuty, worth and amiability
were fairly represented, from illiterste
Doors to those who possessed high de-
gree of genius and cultivation, besides
many of equivocal reputation. There
were these who did not recognize the
host and hostess in society and those who
were not known by them All ages and
all sorts were there Those known for
culture and refinement, their practical
piety and benevolence. Those who were
proverbial for canstic tempers, gingerly
charities and slandering tongues Those
who it is said have communed and
ga med the same day those who by care
less words have severed the links which
bound families in the golden chain of sf
fection; brave and noble men who have
offered themselves as hOlocAusts upon the
the altar of liberty, and many fair women
who eclipsed the angels in contour and
sentiment.
| After this human hash had become sea-
soned with auriculnr conversation, cards.
dice, CANNON, and piano, we'll shaken to
fern n tation with dancing it bee 4me frag-
raentary and fractional. The remains
were found in the dining room, where af-
ter partsking of better refreshments than
they had at home and laughing them
selves into their proper shape, they re-
assembled In the parlors to renew their
fun After representing the ghosts in
Tarturus, some engaged 10 dancing ana
song, others iu conversation and games.
Some of the latter was too amusing not
to publish, but ye sage editors called it all
dishwater. and so I am not allowed TO re-
peat it. I must, however, tell how the
officious Mrs. Dripps did the agreeable to
Pizirro Bomb, Esq, .ew conner in Sean
dal town, as to the notabilities present.
There" said Mrs. Dripps, sis Mrs. De
Slattern, who has elevated herself before
the world as an exemplar in the church
and an alembic in the social circle. She
has 80 slight regard for the clerical of
fee as to vent her spite in the presence of
her pastor against those whom she hates.
1t is said she is revising for the freside
the play called "The Tanning Of the
Shrew." ...r.. ...-
That is Mr. Rasp, who has done more to
retard the wheels of civil polity and tar
nish the dynsmics of social life than any
one present.
That person is Esq. Woodchuck, who
receives an allowance; be is allowed TO
grab the garbage that falls into the legal
arena-like the buzzard he thrives by be-
ing scavenger in the realms of law.
That is Miss Poptop, who paints her
cheeks and ensmels her reputation.
There is Esq. Gouge, who is opposed TO
some new county buildings-he thinks
they Should remain as monuments to the
Butter Kings of Franklin county. He
makes his own butter and probably spong-
es his newspapers.
That is Mr.. Grimalkin Wart, who bases
his piety and happiness on pew eax and
an Office" ..
Squire Quottlebomb interrupted the
conversation by asking if the whole as
sembly would bear such criticism and if
all were to be satirized He said he had
thought of becoming permanent resi-
dent. but if he had got to live among
many such he would leave his regalia as
memento and quit the place.
Oh, no, Mr.. Bomb there are but very
few and they are always to be found in
such large assemblies as this, like black
eyed peas among the oats"
"But tell me, charming Mrs. Dripps,
did understand you, that it was only
the peculiar persons of this peculiar psrty
whom you proposed to describe ~
! "Of course"
"But, Dear Dripps, permit me to ask
| few questions in regard to the customs
here. as I hear strange and almost incred.
ible reports. Is it true that they steal
the mourning Grape from the doors at
|
hundred dollars to a private association
for laying my weary bones to rest1
| "Alas I blush to admit the verify OF
your remarke. We number seven thou
sand and there are no~vacancies in our
CITY of the dead; but at Swanton, eight
miles distant, the people will be pleased
to bury u.s."
"Is it true, good Mrs.. Dripps, that the
ruthless hand of rspacity roots mp and
destroys the flowers which the hand of af-
lection places upon the graves of those
/ you love, with no move on the part OF the
authorities to discover the perpetrators Of
such Vandalism Is it true there is more
whisky here than water to put out your
fires? L. it true that the signatures Of all
|, your business men are regarded by the
Government ss one huge cipher2
It is true that your worshippers eveI
bow to shinplasters when even the Su'
preme Court don't know whether they are
} legal tender or mott