Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1871-09-02
Pun OF the Spliuters.

Pull of the SPlinter.
There is no grace or sense of alice
ton, consequently it is most unbecoming
to all. no matter how artiully assumed.
People who strive TO seem what they
are not. are Justly or foolishly ashamed
of what they are. However, this seem
ING is very common fault of which all
classes are more or less guilty.
The preacher prclcnds TO be more de
vout than he is.
The lawyer pretends to have deeper
insight into the law than he has, and as
sumes a guilelcss expression of word aud
countenance TO cntanglc his victims.
The doctor affects a busy, important
air, TO impress people that hc has many
patients, and in a confident way pre-
scribes for disease of which I've is wholly
ignorant
The student who desires TO he called
an eccentric philosopher, wears long,
bushy hair, says dull and Incompetent
siblc things, affects TO despise humanity,
and wears spectacles pretending that his
eyes are weakened by long continued
study by the light of the midnight lamp.
The merchant pretends he is making
little or no profit on his wares, when in
truth he may be realizing four fold.
And women affect all sorts of things
A pretty woman prctends she does
not think She is beautiful.
A homcly woman pretends she scorns
4 ~ la
some.
A lively woman pretends she is never
sad
A smooth tongued woman pretends
she never scolds.
a coquette pretends TO love her hus-
| band.
A maiden prctends that she does not
care to marry.
a malicious woman pretends that she
would not for the world harm any liy
ing creature.
A vain woman pretends 20 despise
flattery.
a woman excessively fond Of men
pretends to he very Indifferent, and in
shocked modesty SANDERS another wo-
man who happens to be a great. favoriie.
A deceitful woman kisses the one she
would stab in the back.
But the siliest AMI most disgusting
pretcnsc and affcctaiiOn are the airs az
sumcd by many OF the present day.
Human nature in women has not ma
terialy changed within the space Of if
ty years, but those women had TO work.
The Revolutionary war did not set 30
many beggars on horseback "a our last
war did, consequently there were not 30
many idlcrs every man used 10 earn
his own living, and it kept him and his
family busy so that women had not the
time-eycD if their inclination would
have been good TO conjure up those hid
eous deformties which hide the Taces
nature has 50 layishly bestowed upon
women.
II is not possible that our grand
mothers carried their hands in the
dreadful kangaroo style which prevails
in our large cities, reminding one OF
palsy.
Nor were our grandmothers ashamed
to own that they could make loaf Of
bread, sweep, dust and cook good din
ner; perhaps wash, iron and bake, and
90 to ball in the evening. They knew
that industry was one of the crowniDg
praces which would recommend them
to a good husband
Ifthese airy affected creatures could
only realized how perfectly ridiculous
they look 10 common sense people, who
know just who and what they are, they
would drop few Of their "collops."
As il is, they chew and mince and roll
their words around in their mouths like
hot potatoes, look up at the ceiling
most excruciatingly, teater and prance
along, instead Of walking, and then the
attempt at musical, bird. like, laugh,
sounds so hollow, that il CRATES on the
ears and reminds one Of painted sepulch.
res, skeletons In closets, secret gnawiDg
sOrrows the world knows not. and all
such dismal thingsi
How pitiful is all this deceit and
afectation. Those who fear or are
ashamed to appear naturally ought at
once TO strive to be better and nobier
that they may not despise themselves,
by being honest and outspoken, so they
will command the respect of others.
If you are poor be not ashamed TO
own II, and seek work, cbeerfully ac-
cepting the best employment YOU can
find, and stick to that until sor2e better
way is opened
If false pride holds you back and You
think yourself too good to work, ycu
will always be poor.