The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1871-07-27
KORN.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

BY JOSH BILLINGS.
Korn is a serial, am glad ov it.
It got its name of Series, a primitiff
woman, and in her day the goddess ov
oats and SIGH like.
Korn IL sometimes called maize, and it
grows in some parts ov the Western
country very amaizenly.
l haye seen it out their Is foot hi Ii
don't mean the actual korn itself, but
the tree on which it grows.
Korn haz ears. but never haz but one
ear, which is def as an addar.
Injun meal is made out ov korn, and
korndodgers IL made out Of injun meal
and kerndodgers are the tuffest chunks,
ov the bread purswachun, known to man
Korn dodgers are made ov water, with
injun meal MKT into it, and then baked
on hard board, in the presence OF a
hot fire.
When you kant drive 10 penny nail
into them with sledg hammer they are
said, bi good judges, to be we'll done, and
are reddy tew bi chawed upon.
They will keep years, in damp
place, and not gro tender, and dog hit
with won ov dem will yell vor a weak, and
cen crawl under de barn and mutter for
tew daiz longer.
hav knawed tew hours miself on one
side ov korn dodgcr without produsing
emmy result.
They git the name dodger from the
emejiate necessity of dodgeing if one IL
hove horizontally at you in anger.
It il "a; better tew be smote bi 8
year old steer, than korn dodger that
is only hours old.
Korn was first discovered hi the in
juns but where they found it dom t kno
and don't kno as kare.
Whiskee il made out ov korn, and
whlskee IL one ov the greatest blessings
known tew man.
We never should have bin able tew ell
our state prisons with energetick men,
and our poor houses with good eaters, if
in want for noble vhiskee.
We never should have any temperance
sons of society, nor prize fights, nor whis-
kee rings, nor nothing, if it wasn't for
blessed whiskee.
If it want for korn, how could enybody
git korned2
And if it want for getting horned what
would life be worth?
We should all sink down to the level
ov the brute,i it want for Citing horned
The brutes don't get horned, they
haint got any reason or soul.
We often hear of drunken brutes, this
is compliment to oxen which don t be-
long to them.
korn also has kurnels, and kurnels are
often korued, SO are brigadeer generals.
Johnny cake is make out ov korn, SO is
hasty puddin.
Hasty puddln and milk is quick to eat.
All you have got to do is to gap and
swaho, and that IL the last of the puddin.
Korn waz familiar tew antiquity. Jo-
seph waz sent down into Egypt after sum
korn, but his brothers didn't want him
to go, so they took pity on him and pit
tied him in pit
When his brothers got back hum, and
were asked WHARF Joe waz, they didn't
acknowledge the korn but lied sum.
1t has been proved that it IL wicked to
lie about korn. or emmy of the other veg.
etables,
Thare is this difference between Icing
and saving wood, it IL easier to e,espe-
cially in the shade.
Korn has got one thing that nobody
else has got.and that is kob. This kob
runs through the middle ov the korn, and
IL as phull OF korn as Job was of biles.
L alwuz feel sorry when / think ov ,Jot,
and wonder how he managed to set down
in chair.
Knowing how tew set down square on
bile, without hurting the chair, il one
of the lost arts.
Job was card, he had more pashunce
an biles to the square foot, than liz usual.
One hundred and twenty-five akers of
korn tew the bushel IL considered good
krop, but have seenSmore.
l hay seen korn sold for 10 cents bus
bel, and IN some parts of the Western
country 1t IL so much, that thare amt
no good law against steeling it.
In konklushun,i if you want to get sure
CROP of korn, aud good price for the
krop, feed about 4 quarts to a shapphi
rooster, then murder the rooster imme-
lately, and sell him for II cents pound
krop and ALL
PIo Mono is said to be most excel
lent singer and most eloouert oroto.