The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-09-05


store a short time ago, after an alma
nae. He was handed one of Jayne's,
but Indignantly refused, saying that it
was a id humbug. Last year."
said he, "I lost couple of tons of
hay by one of his almanacs. The book
said it would be pleasant on certain
day, and 1 left my grass out and lost
it. l won't have either his almanac or
his medicine" And so the old chap
took another sort.
'I once dreamed" said Pat, "that l
called upon the President, an he axed
me wud l drink. l tould him / didn't
care if / TUX drop of punch. Gould
or hotT axed the President. Hot,
yer excellency,' said I; and he stepped
down in the kitchen for some bilin'
water, and before he got back / woke
strate up, and now its distressin' me
that l didn't take it couldV"
A good story is told Of Nashua, N.
H., physician, who recently vaccinated
family of twelve persons and charged
twelve dollars. A few days thereafter
he took a dozen cabbage plants in
part pay, as he supposed, but upon
final settlement learned, to his surprise,
that Mr.. Farmer charged doctors
prices-"one dollar head"
For specimen of logical consecu-
ton Of ideas we venture to commend
this from schcol-boy's composition ::
tobacco was invented by man
named Walter Raleigh. When the
people first saw him smoking they
thought he was a steamboat, and as
they had never seen steamboat they
we're frightened"
| A Collinsville, Ct, man who had
for years suffered rheumatism and
been unable TO labor, recently lent a
hand in extinguishing burning barn
and was thoroughly drenched with wa
ter, remaining wet three hours. To
his astonishment he now finds himself
entirely cured of his disease.
They have severe attack of rail.
road fever at Puget Sound. One Of
the papers closes a long article with
"Then blow, ye winds put your shoul
ders to the wheel, We steam gods ant
hasten on the time for which we ar'
looking, longing, dyingp'
A gentleman said to an old lad.
t who had brought up family of chill
dren near the Merrimack river, Z"
should think you would have lived il
, constant fear that some of them woult
|, have got drowned. "Oh, no" respond
ed the old lady, eve only lost three o
: four that way"
In some recent discussion societie
r they debated strange questions. Th
last was "What is the difference be
y tween the Bridge of Signs and tn
g size of bridge?' The next is to b
i, "The difference between a fac-simil
9 and sick-family."
A gentleman from Boston on Wis
t to his friend in the country, speakin
of the times, observed that his viii
!. had lately expended fifty dollars for
\ habit. His friend replied, "Here, i
J. the country we don't allow our wivG
a to get into such habits"
Infuriated Commanding Officer {
$ the Smith Guard. "Hi, there; gt
away, you madman-get away fror
}, the targetl" Easy-Minded Luntic-
J, "Hold on, guv'nor, | amt as mad as
look. / was here all day yesterday
It and found it much the safest place j
!. the field"
A Rhode Island man married
Massachusetts girl last Thursday h
: went home unexpectedly, and threw
:, fellow, whom he found running connl
!. bial opposition to him, out of a tw
g story window.
A link-boy asked DIR. Burgess, tn
preacher, if he would have a ligh
"No, child" says the doctor, 81 am on
of the lights of the world" 81 wisl
then" replied the boy, "yOu were hun
: at the end of our alley, for it is yer
u dark one."
"January," a New York gambler
being fiat broke one night, put loi
: enge on the queen, and the dealer
n installing it for split check, paid til
n bet. From this beginning he too
81 800 out of the bank that night.
|. Why cut your own heir off with
q shilling when you can get barber {
n cut your hair off for you and shampo
q you into the bargain for that yer
q moderate sum?
A couple who were recently Marie
in New Orleans, announced mo wee
. ding cards, no bridal tour, no honey
\ moon" They evidently mean bus
% ness.
n There is a lad of our acquaintanC
:. who regards hunger and the chaster
. ing rod as about the same thing; bot
,. make him holler.
IS This is the latest contribution t
% piscatorial study by the board Of edr
T. cation: Question-What is the caus
of the saltness Of the water of tn
. ocean? Answer-The Goldfish.
r, A French docter has written n lii
IS of the devil, including his subject
l. essays on political economy and wha
he knows about warming.