Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-01-27
A Hard she'll BAPTIST Sermon.

TExT.-"And whom he riz up airly in tn
morning, behold they wuz all dead corpu.
ses."
My brethering and sistering, will preac
onto you, wind and weather permitin' iron
the 9th chapter of Isairh, SO verses, whicl
reads as follows
"And the destroyin angel smote in tn,
camp of the Syrcnians hundred and foul
score and four thousing men-an' wher
they riz up airly in the mornin', behold they
wuz all dead ;orpusses."
And thus it is, my beloved friends and
friendly hearers, that the destroyin' angle
stairs abroad, ready to send us to the bone
yard before we can rise up in the mornin'
and set down to breakfast. An, it is said
my frens, tina roses is red and wiolets blue,
but it's ne use tryin' to honey-fungle round
the angel Gabrial when he toots his horn
fer you to hand in your checks an prepare
to git under dirt, fur you'll have to hun
your hole then, sartin
can when they riz up airly in the morn
in. behold they wuz all dead corpusses"
My wretched brethering AID sisteripg, as
| was ridin' along the road one day, l seen
a man setting on the top NV his fence, with
doube-barrelled shot gun on his lap, an
a swettin' an a fannin' Nv himself with an
July, an North America, an the Contitoo-
ton, an the Supreme Court, an the Presi-
dent Nv the United States, an the Bird NV
Liberty, an the Frecdman's Buro, an the
Fifteenth Amendment an when I hearn
that man cussin' and seen that big shot
gun, thinks to myself, in the words of the
text:
AN when they riz up airly in the morn
in, behold they wuz all dead corpusses."
And [ tole rome to wo, and seq I. ''my
ungodly fren, eff you aware in that are way
yull furever and eterserly ruinate yer i'm
mortal soul, and never git nibble when yc
60 fshin'." An seq he, ''You go to
thunder, you derned old misshapen, misbe-
gotten mistake Nv creation ! ef you had to
niggers, you'd git On stump an cuss yur-
self out Nv your burned old yaller hide" p
Sez | "My erring' fren, it cuts me to the
marrer to sec you strugglin' in the bonddge
NV sin" An, says he, "My punkin-faced
customer, of you can cline this tall red oak
thar and see anything in this ere mis'ble
land but bondidge and crab grass, you kin
have my old hat for hens nest" An, seq
I, "My hard swarm fren, Pm afraid you'll
mover register your name in the book Nv
entsrnal li:e." An, seq he, II went to
town last week to register, but L couldn't
git site Nv the book for the Internal greesy
niggers." "Oh, mistaken humaR." seq l,
81 trimbls for yer futur, for you are on the
road lcadih' to perdishun' An, seq he,
You are cussed ole liar, for I'm on the
road leadin' to Benton " I hove sigh,
an see l, in the langwidge Nv my text
can when they riz up airly in the morn.
in, behold they wuz all dead corpusses.' -
An, he SEE 'Let 'em rise, and the devil
take 'em ALL" ooh, suirin feiler-creeter!"
seq |, ''ef you would but sue for grace, ye
might join the hevenly quire, and manci-
pased from the shackles Nv sin and 'scape
everlastin' perdishun !" An he cooked up his
gun, and, seq he, II had twenty-six likely
niggers mancipated, an eff yo, open yer
jaw-bone about Emancipation to ME again,
III 'maketbuzzard whites out'n yer Internal
ole oareas quicker's hell could scorch a nat"
My constant frens an hearers, when [
seen that wicked man oockin' uv his gun, I
begin to feel mighty jubus, and the words
Nv my text smote upon my eal
can when they rig up airly in the morn
in, behold they WIZ all dead corpusses,"
But my cristian hearers, felt called up
on to try my hand once more on this poor
objurit man, and seq I, ''My blasphemoos
fren, you are continually and eternally denim
ed ef you don't immejitly git down off that
ar fence an so to some sequstered spot and
pray for your souls redompshum." An
shure huff he did jump down often the
fence, but he diad't hunt no sequested spot,
my uugodly hearers he struck that big
ole double-barrellsd shotgun close up to my
reverend head, aud SEE he ; I have hearp
that sequester was the next thing to a con-
6saator, al of that's yer business in this
here settlement, you had better begin to
grow mighty small and busifully less,
An my hearers, it looked es II drove Nv
mules could have trotted down the barrels
Nv that ar old shotgun, an [ put spurs to
ole roam an l galluped through the wilder
ness for four and twenty hours an I my
hearers, eff that ar man don't pull up soon
he'll get to the end w his rope, and take up
his abode whar the wrrm dieth not and the
fire is not sqninohed, for in the langwiage
NV my text, a slight variation
can when he rises up airly in the morn
in, behold he will be damned.
An shore huff, my patient frens and
hearers, in about three days that poor, un-
godly, proffanted man was tux up by a
,nilugtary commission an hung for KILN
Nv Niger, An my listnin Treas an hear
ers, when I seed hin standin on the great
immensely Nv space. between wind and
weather, kickiu at the fourth district, seq
l, in the langwidge Of the inspired hime
"Qne more sinner dead an gone;
4 silver spade to dig his grave,
golden chain to let him down;
a bugle horn to blow him on"
An when they rize up airly in the mora
ia, behold they wuz al! dead corpusses."
The breathring and sistering will sing {
coneludin' hime while the deacops hane
around the hat for the nickles.
---e-s->-e--<
''Profundissums' is getting up a new
oateehism for the benefit Of the rising gen