Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1871-08-22
The Josh Billings Papers.
"wuAT l KNO ABOUT PuARsrIN."


What knO about pharmin Il kussed little
Nj buZzum FREUD, Horace Greeley, hsa m a
book with the abuv name, and althO hayep't
had time to PerHOSe 1t, yet dOu't hesitate "a
pronounce II bully.
PharmIn Is pretty much all theory. and
thTet0re its astonishing that a man kan live in
New York and be good chancery LAWYER,
aud also know all about pharmin.
a Pharm OF Que hundred akers will pro-
duce more buckWhcat aud pumpkins. run ON,
theory, than it would sixty years ago, run on
manure and hard knoks.
There Is nothing like book IarpinE. and
the tiDe will eventually come when man
wont hav TO hav only one of Josh Billings
Farmers Allmauax" to run pharm OF a kSnip
meeting with.
Even now it amt unkOmmOn tew So three
or four hired men on Pharm, with three or
four spans OF oxen, all Standing still, while
the boss goes into the library aud reads him.
self for the days PlOugbing. IfIWa run.
ming Pharm l suppose | would. rather hav
80 bushels OV sum new breed ov po,atoEo
razed on theory, then teW hav 81 bushels got
IN the mean, beknighted, aud undeThand Way
oV our late lamenied grand parents.
Pharmin, alter all, Is good deal like the
tavern b'zzlness: emmy body thinks they kan
keep hotel, and emmy body thinks they kan
pharm 1t, aud hcy Kan, but this is the vav
that poor hotels cum teW be so plenty, aud
this is hkCWiZe what makes pharmin such easy
aud profitable bizzuess.
just take the theory out Of pharmin and
there amt nOthin Left but hard work, and all
fred little kIOps.
When see so mulch phOlks rushing in to
theory Pharmin as there is, and so menny ov
them rushing out again, think oy that re.
mnFka6Ie piece Oy skriPture which remarks
"meuny are called, but few are chosen"
l Onst took Pharm on shares miselE. aud
run her on some theories, aud the thin.
figured up this way dun all the work
FURNISHED all the seed and manure, had the
ngue months out Nv II. for uni share ov the
profits, and the Olher phcllow paid the taxes
on the pharm for his share.
by mutual kOnsent quit the pharm at the
end uV the year.
What know about phurmin amt wu,h
Dragging about, aud feel il my duty TO state,
Tor the benefit OV mi krcditOrs, that if they
ever expect me to pay tive cents ON dollar,
mustn't start NE in the IheoIetikal phar,nin
employ.
If a man really is anxious tew make mummy
on Pharm, the less theory he lays in the bet
ter, aud he must do pretty much all the WOI X
h'sself, and support his family on what Ls
kan: sell, aud 80 ragged cnuf all the time TO
hunt bees.
knO menny pharmcrs who are so sffiicted
with superstition that they wont plant a sin.
gle bean only in the last quarter " the moon.
aud knO otLeIs 90 pregnant with science
that they wont set gate post until they Layo
had the ground aual.zed hi sum professor Of
anatomy tew zee If the earth hlz got tie
right kind OF ingrediauce for post>hOIus.
1his Is what call TULniLcg science into
the ground.
The fact Ov it IL that theories Of all kinds
work well except in pTaktiss tEey ale tvO
often designed TO do the work of prak,iss.
They amt no theory in braking a muio
only to go at him with club 10 your haul
and sum blood in your eye, aud brake him,
just as you would split log.
What i knO about pharmin amt Wuth
much eunJ how, but undertook to bake a
kiching heiicT once.
read a treatiss on the subjckt, aud phoi>
lowed the dircckshuns cluss, aud i got Enokt
cndwaze in D minutes. l then set down aLI
thought the thing over.
made up my mind that the pheIIow Wlo
wrOIe the treali,s was more in che treaties
bizzness tLan lie vas in the kicking heifsr
trade.
com to the konklusiOD that what he knu
about milking liking heiEers lie had le4rut
by lesnin' over a barnyaTd fence and Writin 2
the thing up.
got uPfrOm my reGecshuns strengthened,
and went for that heifer.
will draw vail over the language used
aud tie thing did, but went in 10 ain and
won
That heiicr never bekum 4 COW.
This Is one way to brake a kicking heiEcr
after man has studied all tie books in krea-
shun on the subject, aud tried them On, lie
will tall back onto mi plan, aud make up his
mind, as did, that kicking heller is Wula
! more for beef than she As for Iheorei.c milk.
have worked on = phaIIn just long enLf
tn kuo that thaTe II 10 prayers go good for
poor land as manure, aud 10 theory kan beet
IL hours each da (sund.ze e1eepted) VI hOu-
est labur applied to the siie.
am an old>phashioned phelloW, and harti.
ly hate most bu things, bekaus hay bin beal
by them 80 often.
l never knu a phaTn that was worked
pretty much bi theory but Wi,at was for sail
Ur teW let in few yeeTs. AID never KIM 4
pharm that was Eurked III manure aud mus
kIe, on the good old ignorant way oV our au-
cestors, but what WaZ Landed dovn irvtu
father to son. aud always wsz noted for rais-
ing braWny-aImed boys aud buxOm lasses. and
fust rate potatoes.
"A old bachelor got married. Fifteen
days airerwaEd- mind you. fifteen days-h,,
met friend and said To Lin, '.WLy is INV
wife ike baker who Is making small goose
berry pie Z" Il don't know" ssid the friend,
We'll, said, the disgraeeful creature, sit il
because she is growing little tart"
a GENEROUS LAwYER-An advocate hay.
ing lately gained suit tor poor young LADY
who was very ugly, she remarked, 81 have
no'hiug to pay with. sir. but my heart
| ''Hand It over 70 my clerk. If Eou- rlease