The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1871-08-09
Tho Coaque.t Of America.

Tho Conquest OF AmsrIpn. ~.
The following is supposed TO have
been written in 1892, By Max >Adeler,
Which uccarred OF the time Of ,whioh the
story tells.2s The Enalish satire, s.The,
Battle OF Dorking," supplied the. ang.
-gestion for this prophetic tale. We DO
not think any one will enjoy thu ridiou,
lous humhnggery Of tho nrtlolc moro
than Mr.. Greeley:
You ask me to tell you. my o',ildron,
OF the events whicli immediately pro-
ceded the destruction Ut Tho 0ncN grent
American Union, n,l Ut tho unpture Of
tho country by lta ptaAnht European
rulers, and to nny anmsthlnR. nlHI, of
tho cnnscs which lo,l ~ tliosa tlnpIornbo
results. / undOrtn1tn The tl,.le with n
henvy honrt. for whcnovar rnvort to
that terrible time. ! onnnut hrlp CON
trnstinY our proud condition nj, to that
fntnl yeur with tho hufnlinting position
occupied now by tho Amoric.n people.
Tue story is u short one. In tho full of
1879, Horace Greeley, tho editor of a
newspaper in Now York. WIS elected
President of tho United Stntcs. The
people voted for him because they be.
iieved him to ba nm honest men. And
so he was. But ho WIS also vain and
weak, and ho entertained Certain fannti-
cal and preposterous notions--nbout
agricultural matters. for inhtunce-wl
he was determined to forcGf upon the
people ut nli hazur,ls, and despite nll op-
position. He believed, ar,oug other
things. tliat every man ought tn go TO
the West to earn his bread, aud, long
before he was chosen President, he used
to advise everybody to move To that re-
gion as n cure for ali the disasters which
could befull the human family
AS soon ms he reached the Executive
mansion, which we used to call the
White House, President Greeley organ
lied an army of 10000 men, and pro-
ceeded to force tho entire population OF
the seaboard States Westward ut tho
point of the bayonet. The utmost VIC
!lence was used. Those Who resisted
were shot down, and their bodies were
carted of TO national fuctory, which
the President had established for making
some kind Of fantastical fertilizer. All
tile large cities of tho East were depopu-
lated. apd the towns were entirely empty.
The army swept before it millions Of
men, women aud children, until this vast
plains West of Kansas were reached,
when the pursuit ceased, and the army
was drawn up in continuous line, with
orders to shoot any person who attempt
ed to visit the East. OF course hundreds
OF thousands OF these poor creatures
perished from starvation. This seemed
to frighten President Greeley, and he
sent message to Congress recon mend
ing that 700, ,000- volumes Of book Of
his, entitled :What Know about Farm
ing" should bs voted for the relief Of
the starving sufferers. This was done;
aud farming implements sand seeds were
supplied; aud then the millions O.:
wretohed outcasts made an effort to till
the ground. OF the result Of this.
will speak further on.
La the meantime, the President was
doing Infinite harm to the country in nm.
other way. His hand. writing was 30
fearfully aud wonderfully bad that no
living man could read it. And so, when
he sent Ills first annual message to Con
gress-the document was devoted wholly
to the tariff and to agriculture SEN
tence appeared which subsequently was
asoertained to be Large cultivation Of
rutabagus and beans il the only hope of
the American nation, am sure" The
printers not being able to interpret this.
put it in the following form, in which it
Wout foIku 10 Luo WOllu: 'Il6 Gar OF
Russia couldn't keep clean II he washed
himself with the whole Atlantic Ocean
once day!" This perversion OF the
message was Immediately telegraphed to
Russia by the Russian Minister, and the
Gar was 30 indignant that he instantly
declared war. just at this time Presi-
dent Greeley undertook to write some
letters to Prince Bismarck on the sub
ject Of potato rot, and after giving his
singular views at great length, he CON
oluded with the statement that if the
Emperor William said that sub.soil
ploughiDg was not good in light soils, or
that gunuo was better than bone-dust. he
was "a liar, a villain and slavei" or
course, the Emperor also immediately
declared war, and. became an ally OF
Russia and OF England. against which
latter country Mr.. Greeley hnd actually
begun hostilities already, because the
Queen in her speech from the throne.
had declared the 1ribune's advocacy of a
tariff on pig iron incondiary. aud calcu
lated to disturb the peace of nations.
Unhappily. this was not the full measure
Of our disasters. The President had
sent to the EmDeror of Anstr;o ,o,,n