The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1871-04-18
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80, ~, Quincy GntoNi', - '. "'S''
from rom. ). PASSES the Hat. .

r,Yo,. am one Oh wv :,.l "a ~E
N, Tho have lately pcen We, hicott and
Mt tho te rec, a,vinc philosophy which howeo
listen 10 ;,'sn;rcd lips. All who were so lot
from NJ 60 hc admitted to the presence o,
t'na'. Mortal sage while he sn,ournen
'h,s n, nS owe II to the cause OF .iu,nae
enhancement to preserve G' soaa,,, q "a.
WISDOM m 70 chronicle In your columns
crca Ut, held between Mr.. A'cot any
cow, N"Is Of which no other persons haPPc'eu
u T T vs. occasion Of orr interview was some
-" ,ncuIi.r. Yot, arc aware. MIR. Fclior.
,hat there arc few people IN quincy WIG
orn endowed With the intellectual pro.
Tnndity or with the varied cultSre requi.eH
Cow inst appreciation of Mr. Alcott
t t"a The aims and tendencies OF
.e ,ss ,nEnla,ion in general are low and ma
~" 10y The nursuits of business, the &C
",,;.;t;on of pelf, and the petty squabbles OF
II,,;t;cs encross the attention OF most Oh
orr citizens. Hence the circle OF superior |
and Gifted spirits who are hteed 70 COM
nrrhcnd and enjoy the "Orphlc, Dc,-
mic" and "Sibylline utteranceS OF sucn
Terv limited one, and the uneducated and
vulgar have, I regret to say, shown de-
cided disposition to scott aud sheer at this
locomotive oracle.
Among the coarse and unstmpathetic
criticisms which have heard among these
"dwellers in outer darkness" was an I'm.
kind allusion to the fact that after one OF
Mr.. AS priceless conversations collec,,
ton was taken up for his benefit. i heard
one fellow say: alt is not recorded that
Socrates passed round the hat after his
conversations. or Plato after his !; why.
then. does this modern representative or
divine philosophy cause has tile to be cir
cuiaicd?"
Being somewhat bothered az we'll rs
.candalized by this sneering interrogatory,
7 thought it best to go straightway TO MIR.
Alcott himself and lay the difficulty before
him. When ushered into his presence l
propounded my question thus: Socrates
did not pass the hat, Plato did not pass the
bat-why does Alcott pass the hatr"
THAT question, my boy" replied the
ilustrous thinker, "is readily answered.
The reason why Socrates and Plato did not
pass the hat Is that they had no hats to pass.
The Athenians did not wear hats except
while travelling or campaigning. When
Socrates conversed in the streets OF Athens,
and when Plato discoursed in the gardens
OF the Academy, they were bareheaded
Having no hats to pass, they could not, as
matter Of course, pass the hat.
Moreover, my boy, you must remem.
Der that some twenty-odd centuries elapsed
between the age of Socrates and Plato, and
the age Of me and Emerson. Philosophy
has progressed during the interval ant
this thing which you profanely call pass
iny the hat is one Of the grand discovere:
of the transcendental school. The fact Is,
and Emerson found it. We were consider
ing one day, in circle Of transccndenta
ingurers, this important question Wha'
Is the Use of the concavity of the human
hat :" 1t was suggested by some one that II
h. n Ia
head. / objected to this theory as moi
philosophicalv complete because it apped
only when the hat was on, and did not solve
the case when the hat was of. MIR. Emer-
son then remarked that when the hat was
Of the use Of its concavity must he to con-
tain the thing next in value TO the human
brain, and he thought that must be money
then observed that if that were true. the
only way in which money could be got into
the concavity of the hat must be by passing
il around in the vicinity Of pockets, OF
other receptacles in which money might
happen to be contained. This was assenteo
to bv all the philosophers present, and the
great discovery was theoretically eStaD
llshed.
ITO make it certain, however, by aetna
experiment, thus adding the proof q poste
rior, to the demonstration p'7ori, Mr.
Emerson passed his hat to me. dropped
into it u copper coin. commonly called on
cent Mr.. Emerson carefully extracted j
from his hat, and inserted it in his waistcoa
pocket. The great discovery was complete
and the philosophers in attendance con
graduated Mr.. Emerson and myself upor
a new and immortal contribution to the
treasury Of science.
"My Young friend" continued the sage,
Il have great hope, of you rs tranSceu
deDtalist. You appear TO have all the III
ward yearnings aud graspings alter the
infinite, and communings with the over
soul. that go to make up the character OF .
great thinker. Indeed, ! have observed
YOU when you looked so much like cal
studying the physiognomy Of the man II
the moon, that do not doubt your capaci
ty for brooding over the problems of the
universe. But one thing you must get riC
Of, and that is your unfortunate habit q
calling spade, spade. Nothing can be
more unphilosophical. If you were to tel
an audience that passing the hat was q
great scientific discovery, they would all
call you fool. But ii you called it 'circu
lating the adventurous occipital integument
with view to pecuniary contributions,
a great many of the same people would
take you for great philosopher. If you
want to get reputation as Il thinker you
must be either deep or muddy, and cal
tell you, my young friend, that 1t is pre-
cious sight easier to be muddy than deep
besides being just as effective.
"And now, my boy, let me tell you that
this thing of passing the hat is one of the
prime objects OF philosophy. That par.
ticular form of matter which the Arabian
philosophers call 'backShecsh,' the He.
hrews shekels,' the Joliet school 'swag,
and which the unleurned l believe call
money is a mighty comfortable thing to
have. Therefore, my lad, philosophize,
scntimentalize, transcendalize, and con-
yersationallze as much as you please; but
never forget, on any proper occasion, to
pass the hat"
AS rose to 60, took up my stove pipe,
and just then it occurred to me to put this
last precept OF the immortal sage into i'm
mediate practice. ! therefore gracefully
and deferentially held out my ''occipita
garment" in the direction of Mr.. Alcott
The sage slowly and majestically extended
his hand, and just as expected to see hin
deposit quarter or SO in its concavity,'
he blandly smiled, took the hat, and said
Thank you, my dear boy, I was just
needing one." ! observed at the same time
slight closing of the eyelids OF his left eye
went home as bareheaded as Socrates
deeply meditating upon the wonderful ant
sometimes unexpected Developments of the
1