The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-05-27
PEPPER, SALT AND SPICE.


George Blake has been round the city exhib-
iting new style of tobacco box. When you
open it a nice little educated snake jumps out
and bites your thumb; then you drop the box
and exclaim: or words of
similar import IA couple of Ottawa gents,
young, handsome and wealthy, were out in the
country lately, cutting high dash among the
natives, in fine livery rig, and Astounding the
country ladies, and smashing their hearts at
fearful rate. These young men were attempting
to cross the Vermillon river its swiftly running
waters made them dizzy, and they drove ont of
the fording track into the quioksand and upset.
falling into the water and voting their 'store
clothes" They came home with sand in their
mouths, pockets and boots and mud in their
ears, SICK sorry, wet and Disguised We regret
that our Especial artist" was not there to take
cieacs. DR.. Harris got enough real estate out of
their clothing to make small corner lot :. One
day last week lawyer Of prominence in this
city actually returned borrowed umbrella. An
indignation meeting is to be called by the law
ysrs, who wish promptly to denounce this unpre.
cedented case Of honesty. 1t is without u paral.
lei in legal practice, and motion will be made
to have the name of the offender stricken from
the roll of attorneys. The miscreant, so called,
attempts to set up the thin plea that he knows
where the owner of the umbrella keeps it, and
that he, the attorney aforesaid, can easily steal
it whenever he wants it but this shabby plea
will mot ho I'D t. lo, La. :
wilful honesty, and for his unprofessional con-
duct richly deserves to be made an example of.
49,. Bowman has been hunting about the green
houses in the city to get "lager beer plant" to
start beer garden .... Tom Bowen, says sit don't
pay to go fishing while fish are only dollar for
four 'bull heads" weighing H couple of ounces
piece, and then there's all the risk of getting
wet, and rheumatics, and stitch" 1t is all right
when you are cat.fishing to get your hook in
the cat, but when the cat gets his hook into YOU
"things is different" That's the view Mr.. Huns
berger takes of it., while he is laid up with sore
foot, occasioned by ferocious catfish having in.
serted horn into his foot, through boot and all.
....A wealthy citizen, whose business acquire.
ments are very thorough, lately charged fishing
psrty 81 for walking across his field to get to
the river. They do not grumble about the 81.
On the contrary, they extol his magnaminity in
not making it 500 e. The fellow who sent us
lot OF Island locust pods, pretending that they
are seeds OF an improved sort of "jmpsum weed"
is informed that his fraud was easily detected
Can't foolish us on oar particular yo,5. Cor
geeus swell to young lady: High say, Hange-
lima, my lass, ave you read Iowaatha' Z" Lady
"How do You pronounce the word. Captain %
Swell-who is a captain-"High suppose it is To-
wdatha,' or Iowahta, as the terms are synopolis,"
The young lady who lost her brsastpin the other
night and said, Don't, Ed don't, or you will
squeeze me so hard that you'll bust off my bre.s t..
pin" can have " that ere" by calling at this
office 1.-The postmaster says we are wrong
about saying that he objects to licking stamps
for letters. He likes to do il. He buys tine.
ture of Lobelia by the gallon, and takes it to
make the saliva come freely. He is more than
fond OF licking stamps, and people bring EN-
miles to have 'em licked. He says when people
have licked stamps and they won't stick, they
must bring en- TO him, aud he will lick 'em,
the stamps, not the people, and make 'em stick.
It's what he is there for. "A fellow was growl.
ing about losing his COW, and having no horse
to hunt her with, was talking to friend
who has horse, and thinks that he is unusually
East The owner OF the horse generously OF
tered to lend his rapid beast to him OF the COW,
when the lattor--the man, not the cow-inno.
Gently said: But want to get back the same
day !" "All right" responded the owner of the
s-foot"