Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-09-22
HunOr.

.. HumOr.
:. Pretty Hood Childhood.
Meet for repentance-tough beef.
More expensive Hood wv oman-hood.
Laws catches flies, but lets the hornets
free. .-..-,.ss.
Popular song for the Cabinet-"We met
by chance"
Brigham Young is three-score and ten,
and so are his wives.
Another favorite air with the newly mar
ried ladies-the first heir.
A Cairo husband pines in Jail for fondling
his wife with bucket of butter.
The latest mode of announcing births is
to call it cutting off coupon from marriage
bonds. 5sa -a4 .e
Dobbs thinks that instead of giving cred
it to whom credit is due, the cash had bet
ter be paid
A Californian was so severely stung that
it took four men to drink whiskey enough
to cure him.
When an Australian asks friend to take
glass Of wine with him he says, Let us
kiss the baby T..
The older the seed the worse the crop,
as the farmer said to snob who was boast
ing Of his ancestry. srs.s
What is the difference between hungry
man and glutton One longs to eat, and
the other eats too long.
A man behind the, times is apt to speak
i'll Of them, on the principle that nothing
looks well from behind. fe1pt.s.s
JEFF, why am you like de cedar?' I guy
it up, Sam can't tell ye.' Case ye stays
green both summer and winter
A Western girl, after giving her lover
hasty smack, exclaimed, Dog my cats, if
you hain't been takin' a little rye, old boss.
A drunken man. sprawling upon the
ground the other day, anxiously inquired if
anybody else had been struck by that earth
quake.
1t was wise negro who, in speaking Of
the happiness Of married people, said -
Dat 'ar 'pends altogedder on how dey Joy
deyselves'
Water will make mans boots light
We have seen good many men tight in
their boots lately. They must have been
out in the damp.
A widower has remarked, that when a
man loses his wife, it is his first duty to cry
over the loss-then it becomes habit, and
at last pleasure. s
An exchange mentions case beyond the
ordinary oculists. It is, that of a young
lady who, instead of common pupil, has
college student in her eye.
A man who got married at Mount YER
non, ILL.,, last week, spent the first night of
his honeymoon all alone in the woods, and
ran away altogether next day.
A Brooklyn mother, advised her daugh-
ter to oil her hair, and tainted fiat away
when that candid damsel replied: oh, no,
ma; it spoils the gentlemens' vestsv
An Irishman recently soliloquized, what
waste O. money to buy mate, when you
know the half Of it issbone, while you can |
spend it for rum that hasn't bone in it, |
A ,concelted young parson once said -
This morning | preached to a congrega.
ton Of asses' I thought Of that retorted |
a lady, when you called them your beloved !
brethren! = 7el III G53 d 81 .sfeaf. .ls1s
Talk about your square root and cube |
root, but the root of hog at Sparta, Mo-, |
that rooted up $4,000 in gold which its
owner buried and forgot where, is the root.
lest root yet rooted. ,-.- /
In Alaska, if a native murders his wife,
her relatives won't be satisfied until he gives
them lot Of blankets. They think wife
is worth fifteen blankets in the summer and
twenty in the winter. 5tasla
Good morning, Mr.. Henpeck, said
printer in search Of a female composition.
Have you any daughters who would make
good type-setters {? No, but have wife
who would make fine DEVIL g9iaa
A man who married buxom Irish girl.
greatly to the horror of his mother and sis.
ter, made the following defence If I mar
ried an American girl I must have an Irish
girl to take care Of her, and cannot afford
to support both of Them As<a
A GENEROUS LAwYER.-An advocate
having gained suit for poor young lady |
who was very ugly, she remarked, I. have
nothing to pay with, sir, but my hand
Hand it over to my clerk, if you please;
! wish no fees for myself p he replied.
There was late legal trial in Wisconsin,
in which the subject Of controversy was
demijohn of whiskey, which was ordered to
be brought into court. The defendant was
tried, and 80 was the whiskey-in other
words, the whiskey was drunk, and so was
the jury.
I don't miss my church SO much as you
suppose said a lady to her minister who
had called upon her during her illness, for
l. make Betsey sit at the window as soon as
the bell begins to chime, and tell me who I
are going to church, and whether thew have
got anything new l5g - -
AT . concert in Boston, not many wears
ago, the leader became incensed at one Of
the orchestra, shouting, Louder louder :
to him, until the poor player could stand it
no longer. He dropped bis instrument, and
turned to the audience, saying: ITS all
very well to say, Louder! louderl ? buk