davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-10-06
A Timely Lesson.

1t is said to be difficult thing for u
woman to get ready to go anywhere.
And vet there is nothing she dislikes
more than an intimation that she may
possibly miss the train. Brayfogle gives
an instance of this. Mr. Bray. was to
take the 10 o'clock train on the Bee
Line to visit some relatives in an inte-
rior town. Having suffered on previous
occasions for injudicious suggestions,
Bray. thought that for once he would
let things take their natural course. So
he slipped his coffee and ate his eggs
and toast, while Madame curled and
powdered, and danced attendance to
the looking glass, and tied bark on the
back of her head. Then Bray. sat by
the stove an hour and read the morning
paper, while Madame still continued to
get ready. At last, just as he reached
the final paragraph of reading matter,
and was beginning on the advertise
ments, Madame tied her bonnet.strings
under her chin, took one long, linger-
ing, look at the image reflected in the
glass, and sweetly announced:
Well, my near, I'm ready"
Ready for what ?" asked Bray. in
well affected establishment.
"To 90 to the depot, to be sure, said
Mrs. Brayfogle, tartly.
"Oh y said Bray, "Td forgotten
well, Madame continued he, looking
at his watch, "that train has been gone
thirteen minutes. Just keep on your
things, and you'll be ready for the train
tomorrow morning"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-10-06
Sekret Service.
"OFFIs's ov JOSH BILLINGS FARMERS
ALBANIAN for 1872"

"OFFIss ov JOSH BILLINGS FARMERS
ALBANIAN for 1872"
nv Dear Mr.. Editor
Sum men are born CRATE, sum men
git crate after they are born, and sum
men have grateness hove upon them.
1t seems to me that am all 3 Of these
men hove into one.
At mass meeting lately held in Por-
dunk county Uni natitf village) the in
habitants past the following preamble
and resolutes:
WHEREAz, 1t is lilly good that Farm
er's Allmanax should be born for the
year 1879.
ReSoluted, That Josh Billings should
be sot apart land hereby is expressly
sot apart, to beget the job.
Resohaed, That this Allmanax shall
be begotted on the fust of mex October,
wet or dry.
ReSoluted, That this Allmanax shall
kontain milk for babes, meat for elders,
and krumbs for all.
Resokaed, That Knower bilt the ark,
and joiner waz the fust man who went a
whaleing, but Josh Billings has the rite
Ingredients for Farmers Allmanax.
ReSohted, That Faik wins the battles
OF life, Hope beautifys them, and Charity
makes them immortal.
Resolattd, That more dogs than man
wants are nuisance, and less than he
haz got IL positively no loss.
ReSokuted, That We fully believe that
man cum from the monkey, but WHARF
the monkey cum from, we don't seem to
kno.
Resoluted, That the thanks ov this
meeting be sent to Darwin Tor tew the
monkey we don't kare which.
ReSoluted, That all the nuzepapers in
our beloved land without distinction Of
color be allowed to print these Reso-
htteS.
ReSolutcd, That this meeting now
unanimusly bursts quietly, siny di.
JOSH BILLINGS, Secretary.
Ditto, Allmanacker.
p. S.-The meeting did bust quiet.
/ II
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-10-06

The author of "The New Gospel of
Peace" which circulated more than half
a million of copies few years ago, will
be out soon with racy satire on
the Darwinian theory of Sexual Devel
opment, entitled "THE FALL OF MAN,
OR, Loves OF THE GoRILLAs." Carleton
d Co. are the Publishers.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-10-06

A MAN was brought before an Illinois
magistrate and fined $3.50 for getting
drunk. lie smiled blandly, and, draw
ing out dollar bill, said, gall right,
Mister Magistrate. suppose you re.
member when sold out my saloon in
Pekin had $3.50 on the slate against
you. With this dollar that will exactly
pay my fine. You must excuse me,
Squire, for this little spree of mine; but
/ didn't see any other way of collecting
my bill against you than this.
HORACE GREELEY says what we most
want is, not women voters, but $4,000
good cooks in our kitchens.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-10-06

SINCE the collapse of the oil specula.
tons, comparatively little has been said
about petroleum, and few people have
any adequate idea of the important
rank it holds among the productions of
this country. From the report of the
Bureau of Statistics it appears that last
year petroleum was the fourth article of
export from the United States, exceed
ed only by breadstufis, cotton and corn.
The total value of the petroleum ex-
ported amounted to nearly thirty-six
millions Of dollars.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-10-06

A KENTUCKY boy, who was badly bit.
ten by dog, applied three mad.stones,
drank unmeasured quantities of whisky,
and Just before he died of hydrophobia
called in physician, in the vain hope
that he might then save him.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-10-06

A STDNG FoRTIFIC ALTON. - Recent
English newspapers contain elaborate
accounts of the new casemated fort
which is low in course of construction
at Garrisn Point, Sheerness, for the de-
Tense of the Midway. When this is
completed it will make one of the
strongest and most formidable harbor
defenses N Great Britain. The whole
of the maonry work was finished some
months snce, and is now sufficiently
firm TO allow the arming opera.
tons to be proceeded with. About
one-half d the huge iron plates which
are to prGect the embrasures have been
placed imposition, and fourteen of the
thirty-eigit heavy rifed guns with
which thefort is to be armed are al.
ready molnted. These are all nine-inch
cannon, Weighing twelve tons each, and
throwing projectiles Of $50 pounds
weight, with power considered capa.
bic of penetrating any ordinary iron
clad shipit ranges of about 900 yards.
The fort is what sailors would call q
two.dec;er," there being double tier
of guns, ineteen in each. 1t is shaped
like the litter ID, the round side being
armed, and commanding the mouths of
the Thants and Midway, and consid.
cradle exent of the seaboard, while the
straight FIRMS the gorge or entrance on
the land ide, and is unarmed.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-10-06
Revolutionary France.

In eighty observation-disclosures
has had fifteen constitutions: |. That
of Sd September, 1871, which lasted fiji
teen months. .. OF oath June, 1898,
fifteen months Tended with the fall of
Robespierre). 3. OF 10th Vendermaire,
second year of the Republic, three
months. 5. OF l4th Frimaire, the same
year, fifteen months. ). OF 4th Fructi-
dor, third year Directory, four and
half years. 6. OF ODD Frimaire, seventh
year First Consulate), two years. !.
Of Thermidor tenth year (Sec md Con-
sulate), two years. s. OF 23d Floreal,
twelfth year First Empire), ten years.
9. OF April, 1914, three months. 10.
Of 4th June, 1914, ia Charte), nine
months. II. OF ODD March, 1915,
Hundred days., two months. II. Of
eth July, 1915 (Restoration), fifteen
years. l3. OF 9th August, 1910 Louis
Phillippe), eighteen years. II. OF 18th
November, 1913 Second Republic), two
wears. ID. OF 18th January, 1912 (Sec-
ond Empire), nineteen years.
THE irrepressible Brick Pomeroy"
will publish, in few days, through g.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-10-06

CHARLESTON has citizen who is bless.
ed with wonderful appetite. He is
very fond of blackfish, and his mode of
eating them is commendable for sim.
plicity and CELEBRITY. Taking a half
pound one in his fingers, he inserts his
teeth in its sides, and drawing it quick.
" along from one side of his mouth to
the other, he lays down the denuded
back bone-all that is left of the fish
in about two seconds. When he dimes
It hotel, and the bill of fare is shown
lin, he says, Yes, that is what
want" If the waiter asks him,
Which ?" he replies, "Why, all of it,
TO BE- sure" All the hotel.keepers
strive for his patronage.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-10-06
A Russian Comparison of Marine Ger.
many with Russia.

An article in the Moscow Gazete of
the 9th inst. compares the marine for
tresses of Germany with those of Russia.
The writer points out the great import
ance for the German navy OF the har-
bors Of Wilhelmshaten and Kiel, and
shows that when the projected canal be.
tween these harbors is completed, Ger
many will be able suddenly to combine
her North Sea feet with that Of the
Baltic, and throw her whole naval force
into either of those seas. Another adj
vantage possessed by Germany is that
she does not require any ships of war to
protect her principal harbors, such as
Konigsburg, Dantzic, Stettin, Kostock,
Lubbock, Hamburg, and Bremen. as they
are sufficiently protected against the at
tack of IN enemy by their geographical
position and few coast bate ries. In
Russia, o. the other hand. the capital
itself is exposed to the attack of hos
tile fleet. ''St. Petersburg was built in
such a hurry that the most important
precautionary measures were disregard
ed; and t was placed close TO the sea,
although there was nothing to prevent
its beingbuilt ten or twenty versts high
er up on the banks of the Neva. The
first of the disadvantages caused by
this mist,ke was the exposure of the
city to imndatons which might cause
losses of many hundred millions of ru-
bles. InlS24 when st. Petersburg was
much smaller than it is now, the loss
caused b, the inundation was valued at
HUNDRED millions. The second disad-
vantage--that of being defenseless
against ahostile fleets even more i'm.
portant lit compels Russia to keep
strong het in the Baltic, merely for the
protection of the capital. i = And
even thisheet, which cost sixteen mil
lions, dos not afford complete security,
for it void not be able to resist the at.
tack of atirst rate Power" The article
conclude, by urging the Government to
strengthen TIE Notifications Of Cron-
stadt, which, it says, are ldfashioned.
and no lnger capable of resisting mod
ern artillery, and to build huge earth
work fveversts long on the coast south
of the caital.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-10-06

The irrepressible Brick Pomeroy"
will publish, in a few days, through g.
w. Carleton d Co., two new books--one
comic, entitled "BRIcK DUsT," and one
serious, entitled "GoLD DUsT.n
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-10-06

p. S.-rhe meeting did bust quiet.
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20

RE-UNioS OF NEaNoSr OuicIEs-
The Eight Annual Re-Union Of NermOu'
Ofkoers will be held AZ Darlington, "a
thursday, the llth day q January uext,
The members ofihc Re-Union Society. and
all Nermeui Ofiecrs Of the army and navy
are respectfully invited 10 attend. The
usual preliminary meeting for the elociion
Of Oficers aud other business. will he held
at the Grand Army Hall, at eleven
O'Clock. 4. m. The Grafton will be deliv-
cred by Senator George +. Eimunds, At
the City Hall, At seven o'clock ?. m.
Society dinner at the Van Ness House. At
eight o'clock, P. m. Tickets Sl.OO per
plate. Social Hop, at the same place, at
halEpasi nine ?. m. Musieby the Queen
City Band Bill, $500.
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20

T
ot ~ ,1onnssn, Nov. 24th, Clark NJ. Mills. son
ot'ohn Z. and Cynthia NJ. Mills. aged % v w."
g, In Morrlstown, Dec. 9th 1871, Phroonie NJ
sherwin, aged AZ years, V''''' ="
In Belvidere, Nov. goth, John NJ Thomas
son OF Welcome and Jennnett Thomas. aoed 10
years. 4 months and "a days. e'' -
a IN ms village, Dec. End, Fred. L. son Of T.
"a :" a9 o1 !. y spaalding, aged eleven months
lease here longer to detain me,
fondest mother drowned in woe.
now thy kind caresses pain me
Eve advances, let me go.
Lately launched trembling stranger
Dh the worlds wild boisterous flood
rierced with sorrow, tossed with danger
Gladly return to God.
In Hyde Park, Dec. 11th. Eddie + oil,
child of Edison and Jane Preston. AGED ve 0,'
months and days. e'N '"'
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20

The HOLIDAY NUMBER. OF ScRlcNER's.-
The publishers of Scribner's promised that
the monthly for January should be a
grand holiday" NUMBER handsom.
est number, indeed, Of magazine ever
printed in America. The frst picture,
by /. Moran--one of the illustrations of
Bayyard laylor's ballaod from the German
lis fine rpicture, in both design and
engraving, than we have been used to
look for in periodicals; the illustrations
of "The Big Trees and the Yoesmite {"
"a piquant aud graphic paper by Mr..
neutrality-suspicious. probably the best
articles of the kind ever prepared for an
A merican magazine. The number has
fine Christmas flavor throughout.
A series Of articles on The Wonders
of the West" is promised, the first fop
the Yosemite) appearing in January.
The February number will have another
story by Sake Holm, autkor of /" Estb.
err Wynn's Love-Ietters," and other fea.
lures of importance Although the Jan
uary Scrlbner's contains more and better
pictures than any number yet issued, the
publishers promise that there will be no
falling off in pictorial interest in Feb,u.
ary.
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20
Clubbing With other Papers.

For several years We have offered, ia
connection with our own. most Of the pub
lieaiiOns in the country at greatly reduced
rates, even lower than the lowest club rates
in many instances. We do this to induce
advance payment, aud people to subscribe
who are not now subscribers. and also to
do a good favor to those who patroBiEe Us.
We cannot offer club rates for the News.
DEALER, nor eau we send il more than a
year at the regular rates, for the price is
now 50 low a. 10 be within the reach OF
every one. and so low as to leave no mar
gin for profit. All new subscribers who
pay in advance, aud all old ones who will
pay arrearages aud year in advance, eau
avail themselves Of this offer. The first
column Of figures gives the regular sub
scriprion price Of the publication offered,
and the last is the price for il and the
NEwsDEALER. Any publication not appear
ing in the list will be procured at advan-
tageous rates. Read the list
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20

In johnson, Dec. 18th, a son to Mr.. and Nfrs
Chand Ter Hayford. ="
L. and Sarah Waterman. s " wv
n Ia Stowe, Dec. 9th, daughter to Mr.. and
Mrs Ed. c. Dodge. 49, anu
\, IN Stowe, Dec, daughter to Mr.. Rollin and
Mrs. Emma Morse Paul. '''''' '''''
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20
business Notices.

STA SrAt y. sPANGEED BAsNER.-This favorite fsmilv
apea takes 100 600 readers by surprise in The issu
sarns ds.g Just received 1ts enlare ID 70
new dress elegant new heading, border vn es al,
and y 9neha more reading than formerlv
number Contain improved in every respect This
ma wisdom, Sketches, Knowledge in MI S VIZ
Weai,yb n makers Mirrer, Chilaren's Denartmnrutt'
Corner I aeies nnnd Farm and Farmer COOKS
a nashGt ana the 'Rogue's Corner sneciai mp
onaehs eSS paper. One thousand swindlers
n@ lss 'np hhamnags were named aud exposed DUR
new ana superb "Prang Chrome, and tba,r gve
Try IL paper whole year for only "a az
any vOPes can he seen at this Office or fr vs
GLED BASsrH n Hi ~ sending cents to STAR SPAN.
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20
0urWashingtOn Letter.
WASHINGTON, d. c., Dec. ]

- W. DoOs IT.
The weather is again delightfully."- fair
and pleasure rides, and promenade through
the day, and attending places of amuse
ments and waiting en- M. C's. at night are a
the rage.
The nominations of the President to-
day are quite important. The nomination
OF Ex-senator Williams of Oregon a,
Atty. General; Ex-Congressman Ella
known at home in N. H., as Jake Ella,
and David W. Mahon of Pa, to be 5tb
and LIST Auditors Of the Treasury respcc.
tively--are considered the best that could
possibly have been made.
Senator 'Conkling presented memorial,
numerously signed by citizens Of New
York, asking some recognition, by pension
or otherwise, Of the services rendered by
women during the late war Of the REBEL.
ION In the capacity Of nurses in hospitals
and in the field. The Committee on Pen.
s'ons, to which it was referred, it is
thought, will first determine before making
report, how many such claims it would
De necessary to satisfy in case there
should be made favorable report
The bill concerning the eight hour law
which has been pending from the asst
Session, providing that there should be no
deduction FROM the usual days pay on ac.
count OF the reduction Of the time, was
called up to-day in the Senate, and after
'uihcient discussion to indicate strong
opposition to it, it was referred to Com
nittee on Fiuauce.
Whatever may be the true status of af-
airs existing with us towards Cuba, there
one thing certain, that the late out.
ages committed in Havana are deep-seat-
d In the breasts of most every Member Of
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20

w. NJ. Tweed. the grea, head-oenirc
Of New York corruption, was indiied by
the Grand jury, aud arrested on Friday
night. Saturday he was brought before
Judge Haeket for trial, but the trial was
postponed and he was committed TO the
fombs without bail. During the day.
however. he was taken out on a writ Of
haJeas corpus issued by the infamous
Judge Barnard and admitted to bail in
the paltry sun of $4,000. This action
of Barnard caused the greatest indigna-
tion among the people, who do not hest
tate to say that he was bribed.
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20

Xrlle R,rE-

XTde TixT,L,.
Theirs Is 10 be Christmas Tree al
the Toun Hall next Monday eve. All
are invited 10 attend.
Six inches of Snow zen on Monday.
"A. T. Cleavoland's Holiday goods
have arrived. For particulars in his adj
vcTtiscmcnt.
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20

HE CHRONOLOGICAL JOURNAL for Jan,
uary is still in the advance. For reading
at once spicy, vigorous, spirited and
heightened, its bulky January number
has our wa rmest commentator. A capi.
tai beginning of the New Year. Now is
the time to subscribe or to make nm
club, and secure one of the valuable
Premiums offered. Address S. r. Wells,
New York.
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20
Store

OIOUG.
The Calico Festival last Thursda,
eve was a signal success, and the SNUG
little sum of 500 was realized.
There is TO be Christmas Tree At
the &c New Church next Saturday cve., and
a Tree at the Methodist and Congrcga-
'lonal churches, next Monday eve.
There is to be House-warming at
o the Town Hall, Wednesday eve. Dec.
z'th' A general good time is anticipated
A Dancing School begins at Isbam's
Hotel, Tuesday eve. Dec. 10Th, under
the tuition of Nat, Robinson. All the
lovers OF Tespsichorc are expected to be
present.
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20

HE NuRsERY.-The present number
contains goodly variety of original de.
Signs by Herrick, Billings, Merrill, and
o'her American artists and we expect
curing the coming year to draw from
them more largely than ever before. The
Sleepy Boy" Grandmother's Puzzle. .
Mammals Story" and "What the
MattefT are all creditable to American
art.
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20

PROMPT, STRAIGHTFORWARD, H eNoRABLE-
Foremost among the firms of the country are Hun
ter d Co., the well-known publishers and hook
sellers, of Hinsdale, N. H.. Established there for
dozen years they have built up a character for
honesty and fair de aling which secures continu-
ally increasing business. Our readers in need of
Books, Cards, Prints, Photographs. Diaries Games
Albums, Stationary, Novelties or Notions, either
who lesae or retail, or in fact in need of anything
In the above line, should send stamps for catalogue
to Hunter Co., Hinsdale, N, II.
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20
E2N1OTe.

The New Church at the Pond vii.
lage. Is being pushed to its final compile.
ton as fast as the lumber can be properly
seasoned, and the material for The Inside
work prepared. 1t is now receiving its
coat OF hard-6nish when the windows will
be put in place. These windows which
arc 10 keeping with the whole building.
are of the Gothic style of architecture
will Oe lighted by four lights ofglass, each
2x4 feet surmounted by the gothic deme.
The doors, large and massive, are finished
IN the same style, and made of the very
best material, and when put in place and
the interior of the house finally completed
this church will be one of the most sub.
stantlally built and tastefulIy finished
churches in Northern Vermont.
Mr.. W.B. Harris of Morristown,
has exchanged his farm for the beautiful
residence, Store and Goods, aud Landed
interest of S. Gould & Son, and is now
installed in his store, which is well filled
with goods which he is selling very brisk
ly' We gladly welcome Mr.. Harris in
our midst, hope by fair dealing will re-
ceve the public APPROVAL and patronage.
The schools in town are all in running
order, and | propose to speake of them in
detail as soon as ] can learn of their
character. r
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20
TIEsl TIES! TlBtH

Now is the time to get out and draw a%syersd
The r.. n. Co. want large quantiusa' faet lOng'
the line above high water marx, incl le.
inches thick, faced on each sueL ~ Tamaas'
either Hemlock. Cedar, Brow, Aa anr nany viii =
good " pric ss'S and pay cash on deliver
he delived on the Line from So ha auv should \
don. Whoever intends to furnish an'
tlfy some one Of the Directors.
Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1871-12-20
1r0lcoH.

The Members Of the Mineral Lodge
Nos. % r. A. M. will dedicate their
Masonic Hall, in Wolcott village. on
Tuesday the I'd day of January A. d.
1872. All are invited to attend. The
following is the order Of exercises -
Meeting at the hall for dedication at
II o'clock, A. NJ. Address at the Cong
Church by Rev. Edwin Wheclock of Cam.
bridge, at | O'Clock P. NJ, and dinner at
Pixies Hotel, at 2 IL o'clock ?. M.
r. +. PARKER, w. M. y
Il. l. CALKNs, Sec.