New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1871-03-25
Wag Di.cOurses Of Queen Elizabeth.

Here Is the latest outbreak OF eccentric
hrmor:
Queen Elizabeth is dead 1t doesn't t
make anv matter how we got the inturnIa-
ton. This is none of our tight-this quar-
rel between the Associated Press and its
rival We've received the news, and that S
enough She died two hundred ana sixty
eight years ago the twenty-tourth Of last
month She survived until the vital spark
had fled and then she saw it was no use re
Sisting the inscrutablc decree of fate and
so her untrttcred soul took its fight into
the mysterious void. and settled down in
that bourne from which no traveller re
turns unless he has a IhiSSlon to Jerk chairs
around and rap on tables for the benefit of
mediums and other long haired. Wlld-eytd
lunaticS.
Queen Elizabeth was Il virginia Vargin
on seventy: and yet the fire CLEANED as
brightly as ever in her crcam-colorcd eve.
and the delicate sheen OF her finely tinted
maroon nose contraSted a> torclbly as in
her youth with the alaba>tcr of her brow;
and tile. plugs in her teeth We're just as yalu-
able rs when gold was AZ l36
She had no small vices. She did not
smoke or chew. or belong to the society for
promotion ofcruelty to animals And when
She >wort. she never descended to the vul-
gartv OF Horace Grcelcy-Queen Elizabeth
didn When she used profanity, she gave
it with Il finish. an elegance. Il delicate airy
grace and infused into ii IL Injurious abau
don. and rounded it OFT carefully at the
corners and dressed it up with we'll selected
poetic;, adicctivc>. 50 that il sounded like
a strain from some sweet singer >tiainin.
himself, i'll fact. And she had red hair.
Her chi9non was burglar proof. And
often III the dim twilight of the evening
when the sun had sunk to rest. when tn,
western sky was filled with tender radiance
and lambcnt light. and the buibul woocd
the ro> in th. back ward. she would play Il
few notes upon her harp~lch"rd or write a
Latin hVmu or an essay upon the Harrison
boiler. She was supposed to be the author
of Rock Me To Sleep. Mother. and .BeaU-
tltul Snow and Five O'clock i'll the Morn
ng." But, nevertheless. she was a very
e>tlmahlt woman. and with all her faults
We love der >till-better. indeed, than ii she
We're still tooling around.
Queen Elizabeth was not proud. She al
ways insisted upon cleaning her own teeth.
even If She was II Queen: and she always did
il once It week. every Sunday morning. with
her own tooth brush. What a lesson does it
teach to those who are naughty and vain.
and belong To the ban tpH' She never for
got that She was mere pellShablt dust. ard
that the sheep ami the ,lIhworm wore her
fine clothes long before She got them. She
-
tht-, facts: and once she trod on Sir Walter
Ralci .n's cloak to remind him of them. be
cause he was 50 set up with his new fancy
ca>>inc-cs. She said upon her dcathbcd
that Lydia Thompson need not learn this
lesson. bccall>r il had no moral for those
who brow>"d round in nature simple -arb.
Queen Elizabeth was not >oIry to die.
She torr>aw that George +. Train was com
ing to England. and she said to her phy,-
clans that She would prefer the enduring
peace of the cold and silent grave IL three
Wcrk~ ot GtUrgr and the Alabama claims
controversy. and the Schlcswi.- -IIol>tein
question. all at the same time. Her last
words were: - XIII Horace Greeley before
h" has a chance 10 Write. w hat | Know
About Farming. There was not Il dry eye
III that sccond->tory front room. Everybody
WAS ;hlnkin. how impossible il was to full
I'LL her dying request. and to escape 50 much
misery.
Buj She has now gone: She has left us;
shall >cc her Ii" more. Perhaps it i for the
best. She was Il vigorous woman. and II
She hati lived she lHight have come to Amer
lea. and We mi .ht have given her oticn>c.
and She might have pIancrd around here
and tt0ggcd us like the very nation. For
she was Il woman who followed closely in
all the prevailing fashions. And So We are
clad She is dead. and has four tons of mar
bic planted on her To hold her down
Rest in peace old uir1 Rest in pieces