The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-10-21

"A CraveHng clergyman ONCE opened
a prayer in the public with . Oh Lord,
Thou knowest that | was ia Europe
last slinmer.''
scratch" III a New York police court
the court room being infested. witb
fle;is.
Peoria is described as the dog -gon-
dest place in Illinois, the police hav-
ing made away with one thousand
CANNES during the summer.
A bachelor says all he should ask,
for in wife would be good temper,
health, good understanding, agreeable
physiogony, figure, goOd connections,
domestic habits, resources as amuse-
ment, good spirits, conversational tai
ents, elegant manners and money &
A Western woman who tried to pro-
cure divorce on the gruond that her
husband was 8 a fooi,'' failed of her
object, as the court thought the prece-
dent would be dangerous one.
''What sustained our sires during
their struggle for liberty9" was what
PedagogIe asked a boy, and was as
tonished when the boy said, their
legs, sir.''
People say iron natures never weep,
and yet we have seen whole rows Of
cannon in tiers.
What is the difference between a
bare head and a hair bed? One fees
for shelter, and the other is shelter
for tleas.
Lately, in Philadelphia, man and
his dog were brought before the police.
court for committing All assault on q
young lady. The latter said the dog
had bitten her., The court sternly said
with severe look over his specs:
''Where did the dog bite you miss"
The damsel blushed, hesitated, hid her
face. and stammered out: ''On the
left drumstick!''
s Go it, old fellow,'' said two idle
scapeglzices to an honest labOrer at
work-''work away while we play
my lads,'' replied the old man cOOlly;
Pm sowing hemp
John B. Cough tells the following
story, though the joke is at his own
expense. Once, while on a lecturing
tour through England, he was intro
duced to IL village audience in these
terms
Ladies and gentlemen I've the
: 'onOr to Introduce the distinguished
lecturer, John B. Cough, who will ad-
dress us on the subject Of temperance.
You know that temperance is thought
to be Il dry subject; but tonight VIZ
will listen to our friend, the hOratOr,
from hover the hocean, we may 'ope
to ave the miracle of Sampson repeat
ed, and to be refreshed with water
from the jawbone of hass.''
A famous Judge came late to Court,
One day in busy session, wliereat the
) clerk, i'll great surprise, inquired of
; him the reason. "a child was born, -
: his Honor said, land am the happy
SIRE IAN infant Judge?'' ''Oh,
no." said he, ''as yet he's but crier. .
Josh Billings says: The mewl il
a larger bird than the guse or terke ii
has two legs to walk with, and two
: wings on the side Of its he'd.
e A Duluth paper says one of The
streams running into Lake SuperiO
: from the mouth is called Temperance
= river" because it is the only one o
t the small tributaries Of the lake tina
II has no bar at the mouth of it.
+ Knott and Shott fought dnel. Tn
J result was that they changed con
!, ditions. Knott was shot, and Shot
|. was not. 1t was better to be Shott tfsal
= Knott.
Mother said little Ned, on
: morning, after having fallen out c
!. bed, II think know why fell out Q
: bed last night. 1t was because sier
:, too near where l got in.' Musing,
y little while, as if in doubt whether h
y had given the right explanation, h
y added: = No, that wasn't the reason
!, 1t was because slept too near where
fell out.''
~ A western editor offered his weekI
paper for one year as prize for th
largest watermelon. The critical cll,
made no award until he had receive
ST three hundred melons of the hrges
o. size,
j. Discretion is the better part of valo
III Tom and Arthur have been rude I
a. their mamma. Mamma has con
III planned to papa, who is heard comm
st up stairs. Arthur-ssI say, Ton
to here comes papa; l shall pretend
In be asleep.'' Tom sllan't; I sla
II get up and put something on.''
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