The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-07-22
PEPPER, SALT AND SPICE.

On Wednesday last there was fishing party
from Ottawa to Dayton. In the evening, when
the party returned, we interviewed some of the
boys, with the following result:
Beemus-"To Dayton"
"tHic) Yes, and caught catfish nine pounds
(hic) long!"
We sent him home on dray, and enquired of
another distinguished gentleman:
"Were you fishing at Dayton, to-day"
"You (hic) bet. Dayton's dam'est best place
for fish(hicling you ever have sawed" We ex.
cused him, and proceeded to ask questions of
another chap:
"Say, mister z"
"Oh l own up. I've been there ,hic) and
got twelve nibbles"
twelve" said We, "How was that 2"
"Well," he replied, zone was by ninnow,
and the balance I took out OF bottle which
(hicl had in my pocket" Then he slowly wink.
ed ore eye, much after the manner of frog,
mot railroad frog and went on his winding
way" Sam. Dewey, the hardest.ware.est that
We know Of, a. B.-This is nony) has been
down in Nermillion county, to play "honest
farmer lie has been driving breaking team,
and has turned over some two hundred acres of
land, on his 700 acre farm. He says there is a
hne prospect OF corn aud fax down that way
We hope our friend Sam. may bs cornsd and
jlare9 to his hearts content -. "A very polite
young lady was out walking with her beau the
other evening. She had = parasol, and being
most excessively polite, said, "Say, Sam? Hold
on II you please, moment,-let go of my hand
while l rise my parachute! He did-and she
rose those go. Lately, a reverend gentleman in
this city had letter addressed to his care from
a mother to her daughter with request that
the gentleman afore alluded to should open and
read the letter. He did, and found it's contents
unique, somewhat as follows:
M York, July three eighteen hundred and
Il. Dear Mary. l take my pen in hand to let
you no that am we'll with broken leg hoping
this will lind yourself in the Same condition
glory De to god. take great pleasure in inform.
Ing You that your uncle Teddy is dead, and that
your sister have the Uaazsles. Your uncle died
suHde1Ey afther lingering illness Of six months
Mid desaze (which they calls colery in..anter.
That what's the matter wild Ted. line towld
he left great forchune. One half Of (which
was destroyed in the late war in Viryiny, and
the other half was lost in horse race. Every.
body said your unces horse would have won
only but fur the other ans baist was the fastest
and sure enough the other horse started last and
KUN In first, and that put end TO the runniu',
likewise 10 your uECle's fortune.
while write this your ovid beau is looking
over me shoulder, and sends bis love to you
Inbeknorns 10 me. Yours truly,
JANE ANN O'GRADY"
Al the recent fishing party, "Guss' didn't get
what the Germans calls "steiel on" but he
left his jug handy to the horses and wagon
that it took Fix men to hitch EN- up. 1t seems
that the horses necks had sweled up 30 that it
was almost impossible to get the crupper straps
ON and the collars had got so large that they
would not 6t on the horses tails worth cent.
land it came to pass when the recent fishing
party was perpetrated at Dayton, that perma.
nent merchant, who holds forth on the south
side Of Court House square, was attempting t.
perform the difficult feat Of walking where the
space was limited to 90 feet in width along the
river bank, while his vision had been oostruct.
cd with 20 drinks Of tangle foot, and quarts of
plain fog. He upset and fell into that unnatural
beverage known as water. He was fshed out
and then run through clothes wringer, and
him out, much after the manner in which house.
wives do bed quilts. Then they removed his
garments and hung leach up to dry on different
trees, and he was spread out on goo.eberry
bush to dry. He has been dry ever since ..
Another hero in that fight, who had become fill.
ed with inspiration, another name for spiritual
fullness,) was trying to make speech, when he
was interrupted by another chop, who had sud
denly taken in some eloqu,nr-, whisky and
who proceeded to say, "Over hese grand and
gloomy hills, for many centuries the ants have
Suilt their holes and mounds The other man
took that as personal, and responded in fierce
tones "Who do you call an ant" Then after
the manner of IA pug,list he proceeded to strip
himself for fight, while his enemy followed suit,
TOUT of his suit.l The belligerents were only
pacitied by rubbing them down the back with
ice, and giving each a mouthful of liquid comfort
.... And the reports continually roll in about
the Dayton dam fishing party, The boys called
on II distinguished orator. who would part his
hair in the middle If he could, for u speech He
intended to be witty by saying, Whats the use
for sober man to address an intoxicated aud.
ience'' but he got things mixed these. wisely:
whats the use for (hic) toxicated Teller to
make speech to s(hic)ober crowd ?" He re.
ceived three cheers and tiger" -. They sav
that CRUSH LOCKER had very poor luck as fish.