The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-07-25

o.
For fsherman's wife-Net-ty.
The land of Cain-A sugar planta-
ton.
The best cure for poverty-A sine
cure.
Waste of colors-Ladies blushing
unseen.
To remove stains from character
Get rich.
The bump of destructiveness'-A
railway collision.
Doing roaring business-Keeping
a wild beast show.
Applicable to an angel-What on
earth are you doing?
When is a baby most like a cherubl
When it constantly doth cry.
A warning for fashionable assem-
blies-Look out for the paint.
Wanted to know-How many square
rods a<e contained in a wiseacre.
Little fish have a proper idea of
business-they start on small scale.
His forehead extended to the gable.
end of his neck means in America he
was bald.headed.
If Gentle when visiting a Jew
should ask for roast pork he would at
once be set down as a hog.
What does grocer DO with all his
things before he sells them? Gives
them a weigh.
A school girls conundrum is: What
State is round on both ends and high
in the middle? Ohio.
A traveller says that in cold North
ern countries, by a wise provision Of
Nature, the mountains are clad in frs.
When should woman go into the
timber trade? When she pines for her
lover, who is spruce young man, and
of whom she thinks great deal.
If you want your horse shod don't
send a German groom with him to
deliver the message. He will be quite
as likely to insist upon having him
shot
A tradesmen having sunk his shop
couple of feet, announces that, in
consequence of recent improvements
goods will be sold considerably lower
than formerly.
A club of henpecked husbands met
once a week-that meeting being theil
only day of enjoyment and rest. Wher
they adjourned they called it the ris
ing of the tied.
What is taking a mans name il
vain? Our devil answers the question
thusly: Forging a mans name to 6
note, and then obtaining nothing CT
the note. Kurrect.
A woman who never owned Bible
supposed she was quoting it when shC
greeted her son, who came home tC
keep Thanksgiving, in the following
words: Here comes the fatted calf.
A tanner having married the daugh
ter of butcher, the bells were rung
in honor of the occasion. 1t was ask
ed what the bells were ringing for
Only union between skin and bone,
was the answer.
A poor widow woman was relating
to a neighbor how fond her husband
was of having a good fire; how busy
he would make himself in fixing it SC
that it would burn. 'Ah poor dear
man, said she, Il hope he's gone where
they keep good fifes.'
During a late performance of the
Lady of Lyons at the Mormon thea
tire in Salt Lake City, an old elder got
up and Indignantly walked out of the
house with his twenty-four wives, NUT
tering, Il won't stay and see play
where man makes such an awful fool
of himself about one womanP
A good anecdote is told of a. house
painters son, who used the brush dex-
terously, but had acquired the habit
of putting it on too thick. One day
his father, after having frequently
scolded him for his lavish daubing,
and all to no purpose, gave him Sc
we're fagellation. There, you young
rascal ? after performing the painful
putty; 'how do you like thatY We'll,
don't know whined the boy, in re.
ply; but it seems to me that you put
It on thunderin' sight thicker than
did
An old weather-beaten trapper was
sauntering along the main street o.
one Of our Western villages on a re-
cent Sunday. Passing in Front of q
meeting house, for moment he went
in and took his seat among the con
gregation. The preacher was discours
ing on the text Of "the sheep and the
wolves" and had evidently been draw
ing a contrast between the two sub
jeots. Says he:
"We who assemble here from weeh
to week, and do our duty and perform
our part, are the sheep; now, then, whC
are the wolves p
A pause and our friend, the trapper
rose to his feet.
"Waal, stranger, rather than see tn,
play stopped, | will be the wolves"
The preacher pronounced the bene