The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-09-19
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CLIPT0GRAMS.

about most dreadfal rheumatic that
she was troubled with. A gentleman
present, who had himself been a se-
we're sufferer with the same complaint,
said to her, Did you ever try electici-
ty, madam? tried it, and in the
course of short time it cured me-
Electricity 7 exclaimed the old lady;
yes, Pve tried it to my satifaction. ]
was struck by lightning about year
ago, but it didn't do me single NOR
sci O good
A student who had been imbibing
copious draughts of grape essence, and
who was reveling in harmless state
of inebriation, overheard two gentle
men discussing the merits of the cele-
brated Galileo. The worshipper of
Bacchus interrupted the speaker by
observing that, according to his ideas
and views on the subject, Galileo was
fool. why so many mental calcu-
lations to discover that the earth re-
wolves? Three bottles of Burgundy
enabled me to find that out
The local of the Chicago RepubH-
can says: The newest method of max
ing an honest living is to go round at
night with an accomplice, and play
tom-cat under the widows Of irascible
bachelors. Then they throw boots
and boot-jacks, and hair brushes, and
crockery, and-and things at you, and
you pick them up and sell them for
old rags. We got part of a bed room
set worth $3.50 last night, and tonight
we are going back to get the rest of
it.
Here is a good one on the 'tater
bugs Three men were comparing
notes: One says, There are two bugs
to every stalk A second says, They
have cut down my early crop, and are
sitting on the fence waiting for the
late crop to come up 'Pshaw, said
the third, you don't know anything
about it. I passed a seed store the 9TH
er day, and the bugs were in there
looking over the books to see who had
purchased seed potatoes
What are you disturbing the whole
house with your yells in this way for ?
demanded a New Jersey landlord of q
guest whom he found late at night
seemingly in pursuit of invisible foes
and yelling at the top of his voice
I'm shouting the battle cry of flea.
dom,' answered the guest, as he wen
ahead with his search and his yells.
A Norwich man is very angry with
his wife. He bought an India rubber
air-bed. She didn't believe it wa
healthy to sleep on a mattress tha
wasn't ventilated, and so during hi'
absence punched about fifty holes in it
That husband has lost his faith in wo
mans ingenuity.
| A country fellow came to the city
to see his intended wife, and for lonl
time could think of nothing to say
At last, great snow falling, he took
occasion to tell her that all his fathers
sheep would be undone. 'Well, said
she kindly, taking him by the hand
'Pll keep one of them
A gentleman in Chicago, who wa.
arrested for cruelty to q miserable
looking horse, was asked if he evel
fed him that's good un, was the re-
ply. Hes got a bushel and a hal
of oats at home now, only he amt got
time to eat EN-
| A husband advertises thus: MY
wife Mariah has strayed or been stolen
Whoever returns her will get his head
broke. As to trusting her, anybody
can do so if they see fit; for as l new,
er pay my own debts it's not likely
I'll pay her'n.
An old lady from one Of the rural
districts astonished a clerk in one oi
the stores, few days ago, by inquiring
if he had any yaller developments,
sick as they as they did up letters in.
A lad in Hartford, whose fifth birth.
day occurred last week, asked his pa.
rents if the schools would keep open
that day, adding, They didn't on
Washington'S birthday.
An eccentric clergyman lately said
in one of his sermons, that about the
commonest proof we have that man is
made Of clay, is the brick so often
found in his hat
Are dose bells ringing for freP in
quired Simon of Tiberius. No, indeed,
answered Tibe, 'dey alb got plenty o.
FIRE, and dc bells are ringing for wa
ter
A Mississippi negro recently gave
the following toast: de Gubernor oil
our State-He come in wild very LITTLE
opposition; he goes out wild none a
ALL
Among the wants in one of the pa
pers is this Partial board for a singl,
gentleman; house kept by widow
and daughter; buses and cars conyen
lent
An Irishman, upon seeing squire
shot off tree, said; Faiths and that's
waste Of powder The fall itself woul'
have killed the squirrel
"Mr. Jones, what makes the eanar
sleep on one legS' L don't think any
hoJw unoGas b;p, ,,as, ,1aar. / thinE "a