davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1871-11-07


Whats the matter, uncle Jerry ?"
said Mr.. -, as old Jeremiah r. was
passing by, growing fqriously. Tgr
"Matter!" said the old man, stop
ping short. "Why, here I've been
Juggling water all the morning for Dr..
C's wife to wash with, and what dye
suppose I got for II"
"Wby, about ten cents, I suppose"
said Mr.. -.
"Ten cents she said the doctor
would pull tooth for me some time.
A dyspetic read that BY sending q
dollar by,sail he would receive a cure
for dyspepsia, sent the money, and re.
ceived slip of paper with the follow
ing printed on it: So.
"stop drinking, and hoe in the gar.
den" $50,
The man was mad at FIRST, then
laughed, and finally went to hoeing,
and stopped drinking, and now is as
well as ever. ~
The Kentuckians assert that there
are more cows, more hogs, more cats
and more dogs in Padncah than any
other place of its size in Christendom.
A Kentuckian counted twenty seven
cats in sight at one time. He attempt.
ed to count the dogs, but he found il
an endless job. Upon close calcula.
ton he finds that every white
man has one dogmd to every negro
two.
An untutored man in Chicago, when
rcproached for the extravagant charge
he had made for certain services, ex.
claimed:
"Well, isn't it better TO be hog and
got good pay for what you do than tc
be good fellow and get kicked from
pillow to post?"
Awautoma, Wisconsin, lover wrote
his sweetheartl:s "
"There is not globule of blood in
my heart that does not bear your pho
tograph."
"A very reflective sort Of sfeilow be
must have been. ~ kzA ~
As an Atlanta judge was admins.
tering a sentence, the prisoner enoour.
agingly remarked:
,"Go in, old bald head"
This was more than the judge could
bear, and the sentence was appropriate.
~ heightened.
A Georgia game Of base ball broke
up in the eighth inning with one arm
broken, one eye put out, one jaw dis
located, and eighteen fingers shifted.
The game will be finished as soon az
the phvsicians think best.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-11-09

~ A letter from Adjutant-G General Eormsh,
of the North Carolina militia, gives q history
Of the unsuccessful campaign against the negro
banditti in Robeson County, who have so long
defed both the State and national authorities.
He also gives description of the country in
which the outlaws Live, their personnel and mode
of7life. The whole race isof mixed origin and
is more or less connected by blood, and some
Ave or six family names constitute the majority
of the inhabitants 5the LoMys,; the, 0xenaines
and Chavises being the largest in number. It
is asserted that nearly, the whole communitysis
in active sympathy with the outlaws, many
through fear, Others through prejudice, and the
remainder from ties of ofrelationship. Their pre-
aatory and lawless operations are we'll systema-
tizcd, and in their forays they are assisted by
the desolate and almost impossible condition
of the swamp and forest land. Finding that
he could not make Roadway against them, and
not being able to arouse the whte citizens from
their respondent apathy and secure their coop
Grafton, Gorman finally arranged an interview
with the LowTys, and met them, by agreement,
in swamp. They said that they were tired OF
their present manner of life, and promised to
leave the United States if free pardon was
given them. German assured them that they
would have fair trial and good counsel at
court, but they would not surrender. They say
that they viii Hefeim thepiselves Ito the bitter
end The Acknowledgement adds that he hopes
before long tohave the satisfhctiono of anhouhc-
ing the capture of the gang.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-11-09
"A New Yorker saws that the cows sbonld

= -A.New Yorker says that the cows should
be salted every morning, and in the stable, be-
fore foddering, but never after taking water
This is the[practce of therbest stock keepers in
Switzerland, and he thinks much preferable to
sailing them once or twice a week, or to keep
ing it constantly within their reach.
- a colored man, named. VIM. McCottry,
living near skingstree, caused the death of his
daughter on Wednesday, by the discharge Of a
gun he had in his hand whilehe was correcting
her. She died a.Seh9rt taHle after the load
lodged in her body. McCottry was arrested by
the Sheriff, and held For examination.
= The frstpoint of gain in the boot and shoe
trade is to get the people to put their foot in it,
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-11-09
TR1cKs or ,JuodtgRs = TIE. sober Christai

TRICKS or JUqGLERs. fThe sober Christain
editors of tie New wfofk 05serscrare RESPONSE
BILE for the following pWe think Hermann and
Heller are jugglers, but what can they do to
comparE With thS Chinese Frickstes? "a tri1-
|.elep at KinsAi wis eftertaihed blythe Kicerby,
the Amir Kustai, and this was one of the
amusements.
1.-THE same night the juggler appeared; who
was one Of the great !Khau's slaves, fand fhe
Amir said to- him, Come and show us some of
your wonderspa Upon this he took 8 wooden
ball, with seven holes in it. through which long
thongs were passed and, laying hold of one
of these, s1mg it into the air. It went 30 high
that we lost sight of it altogether Ut was the
hottest seasons Of the year, and we were out
side in the middle Of the palace court There!
now, remained only q short end of thong in
the conjurers hand, and he desired one Of the
boys who assisted him to lay hold of it and
mount" He did so, climbing by the thong, and.
we lost sight of him. The conjuref then called
10 him three times, but getting no answer, he
snatched up knife, as # in a great rage, laid
hold of the thong, and disappeared In his turn.
By-and-by he threw dow9 one Of the boys
hands, then OBJ, ttND4g dher hand and
then the other Root, then fke trunk, and last OF,
ali, the hsadt Lastly; hs 'came down 'hinstlf,
putting and Blowing, Aid, With HIS clothesfaa1
bloody, Kissed The Sroopnd before the Amir, aud
said Something to 6im in Chinese. The Amir
gave some order In reply, and our friend then
took the lads limbs, laid them together in
their places, land gave kick, when, presto Il
there was the boy, who got up and stood before
us All this astonished me beyond measure" !"
l.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-11-09

49,. .!- Some one asked Mrs. Cady Stanton if she
thought that girls possessed the physique ne
eessary, for the wear and tear Of college course
of study! Her reply is both sensible and sar.
castle. ~ would like to see you,D said Mrs.
Station, tttake thirteen hundred young men,
and lace them up. and hang ten to twenty
pound weight Of clothes to- their waist, perch
them upon three.inoh heels, cover their heads
with ripples, chignons, rats and nice, and stick
ten thousand hair-pins into their scslPss If they
can stand all this, they can stand little Latin
and Greek"
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-11-09

TAKE CARE OF THE LAND AND PRACTICE
EcoNoMY.-This motto should be written upon
every farmer'sdoor in the State. 1t is the key
note of success and will insure competency,
honor and contentment wherever practiced.
1t is especially necessary now. He who earns
one dollar per day and saves fifty cents, is hap
pier and enjoys the blessings of life ina much
higher degree than he who earns fifty dollars
per day and spends ffty-one. It is the amount
saved, not the aafosnt made that gives sotisfac-
tion and enjoyment.
Without proper attention to the wants of
the soil there can-be no profitin its cultivation.
The soil is like bank; if you invest freely in
it you may draw freely from it. Like every
serve it. 1t is much less labor to double
your crops by doubling the fertility of your
land, than by spreading your labor over double
the quantity of land. An acre of rich land is
as easily cultivated as an acre of poor land,
while the profit of cultivation increases at a
greater ratio than the yield. An acre of land
that will produce fifty bushels of corn per acre,
or thousand pounds of cotton, will pay five
times as much clear profit rs an acre that will
only produce half as much, for great portion
of the first half is required to pay expenses 1t
is by far better to own and cultivate ten acres
of very fertile land than fifty acres only half so
fertile. The cost of labor, team, utensils, fem
cling, etc., is only one fifth az great, while the
nett profit on the ten acres is just the same as
on the fifty. Poor land not only insures pow
erty, but it perpetuates it. Itdoes more: per
sons living on it for generations deteriorate
physically, mentally and morally unless there
is counterbalancing stimulaat of manufactu-
res. Food, population and health, according
to recent statistician, 60 together Album
dance of food win secure an abundance of pop
ulation. The first duty of good citizen, then,
is to take care of the land-.to enrich ito
make food and multiply population.
But an abundance of the means Of subsis
tence, even, will avail but little, if ext:ava-
gance and want of economy and systematic
and hardy industry prevail in the State. If
artificial wants and the means to keep up de-
ceptiye appearances have to be provided for; if
false notions of deeency or respectability, or
reaching beyond the limits of income take, pos
session Of our population, the result is ffisas-
trous both to the State and its citizens-Nas5-
viilc UnSen anM american.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-11-09

-Now-a-days it would greatly embarrass
most ministers Of the gospel to. have their peo-
pie rise and PROFOUND questions and seek a1-
sss I'd RI T as gsss ss to- E. z sdsss59 a. s55y
THs FaSiving Of this custom might sharpen
some Of the preachers, as we'll as the people.
"A little girl, after Noticing for some some time time
eglitteFing gold filling in her aunts ; iron. 5
eoppertoed teeth like yours"
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-11-09
Look Out for the Wagon

ToHN H. CLARKE, Agent for the M
81 PROVED SENGER FAMILY SEWING
MACHINE, is travelling through Anderson and
adjacent country, and will he pleased to exhibit
this superior Machine to any one wishing to
durable in construction, easily operated, and
will do any kind of work on the finest fabric
or The heaviest leather II you wish to see the
Machine, give notice to J. B. Clark & SoH, An
derson G. H., and 1 will be pleased tocall at
your house.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-11-09

= They reckon time out West and give dates
by saying "two weeks before the last circus, ("
or ''three weeks after the last circus"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

Not long since an elderly lady entered q
railroad car and disturbed the passengers a
good deal with complaints about most
dreadful rheumatic" that she was troubled
with. 4 gentleman present, who had himself
been severe sufferer from the same COM
plant, said to her: "Did you ever try cleo
tricity, madam tried it, and in the course
of short time it cured me-" "Eectricity.'
exclaimed the old lady; eyes I've tried it to
my satisfaction. mas struck by li2htning
about year ago, but it didn't do me single
morsel O. good"'
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

A young man of Joking turn of mind,
says the Dubuque, Iowa, Times. recently per-
suaded we'll known and mischievous mule
colt INTO lager beer saloon of that city.
The Teutonic keeper of the saloon stood still
and thoughtful for about ten seconds, swell
ing perceptlbly about the chest, and growing
facetiousy, and then began the Eng Deutsch-
lish "See here. VOnce | know dat dis is,
here, your own bruder, but he be one you call
minor-he ish too much young to drink his
glass lager-it Is not for the law in no place,
nor not nit my saloon. He look like you ;
you may be one good family, as you call it,
but if you ever bring dat young man bruder
here again, will schust tell your old fader
.jackass of you both. Now you schust go
along nit yourself" The young nan and the
mule just went along out.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

The 'local' Of the Chicago Republican, says
"The newest method of making an honest
living is to 90 round at night with an accom-
plce, and play tom cat under the windows of
irascible bachelors. Then they throw boots
and boot:jacks, and hair-brushes, and crock
cry, and such things at you, and you pick
them up and sell them for old rags. We got
part OF bedroom set worth $3.50 last night,
and tonight we are going back to get the
rest of IL
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

A dealer in fertilizers, down in Alabama,
Dragging of his guano, says that a farmer re-
Gently put a sample Of it into his pocket,
in which there happened to be carpet tack,
and started home on horseback Before
reaching his house his steed broke down, and
the farmer was at loss to discover the cause
until he found that the carpet tack had grown
to be a long bar of railway iron.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

A good anecdote Is told of house painter S
son, who used the brush dexterously, but &C.
quired the habit of putting it on too thick
One day his father, after having frequently
scolded him for his lavish daubng, and all to
no purpose, gave him severe fiagelation.
There. you rascal arter performing the
painful duty; how do you like thatl.
well don't know whined the boy in re
ply, but though it seems to me that you pu,
it on thicker than did
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

"On Dit writes in the New York Mall
Some friends of ours, detained in town all
summer, are imagins themselves in the coun-
try by living in two rooms cutting off the gas
and using kerosene, having their meals sent
from neighboring restaurant, and playing
croquet in the back yard. They say that is
almsst as uncomfortable as the real thing, and
Doesn't cost near so much.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19
BuDget Of Fun.


A German customer called upon marble
dealer, and was shown through the establish
ment and yard. He was much struck with
the specimens of Scotch granite on exhibition.
Referring 10 the gray Scotch, he inquired:
'Vot ish dat q THAT is Scotch granite" re-
piled the dealer, sand this is the red," point
ing 10 a finely polished monument. "You
calls dat granite ~ exclaimed the German !;
'syou fools me nottings. know him too well
to be humbugged init your stories. He is no
more as o pig glass OF sausage meat. Dat is
blayed out" The marble dealer wilted.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

The Alameda Encinal says that one of the
candidates for q teachers certificate at the ex.
animation which took place at San Leandro
last week, gave the following definition of
Phlebotomy: Phlebotomy-Pertaining to
the bottom of Phlee."
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

you here, jenkins How the duce did YOU
find your way out ?"
Find my way out Out of where
What do you mean 2"
"Why, the las. saw of you, you were lost
in slumber."
ooh ah well, yes, l rode out on the
night mare ~
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

An unprincipled scamp sold the Saratoga
hotel keepers effectually, the other day. He
told them a special train was expected at a
given hour Of the night. Of course they
made pepar atoms, and sent carriages to the
depot. 1t came In due tlme-elever empty
freight cars
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

"How did you manage to get along in Paris
without knowing the French language ~ in.
quired gentleman of Mrs. Shoddy.
"Oh, we had an interrupter with u.s." re.
piled the old lady.
y The same lady, having arranged some
statues in an adjoining room, requested the
same gentleman to step into the next "impart.
ment and see her antics"
He went.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

On the outside cover Of Bible lying on
the cabn-table of Hudson river steamer,
are written the following lines:
This holy book neglected lies,
No soul with IL conmunes;
While scores OF souls sit round about
With H.vuids md Trib,ass
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

At recent wedding in Rhnebeck, as the
clergyman reached the part of the ceremony,
81 pronounce you fish peddler in the
street shouted "bull heads! bull heads :" to
the amusement of some and the CONSERVATION
Of others present on the occasion.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

singing master, while teaching his pu.
pills, was visited by a brother Of the tune:ul
art. The visitor observing that the chorister
pitched the tune vocaliy, said, "Sir, don't you
use pipe?"
no. replied Semibreve, with admlrahe
gravity, 81 chew"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

school committee in u frontier district are
ported to have summed up their opinion of
examination which they had attended by
NJ king to the pupils this address, "You've
SPELLED well, and you've ciphered good, but
you hain't sot still
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

CHERIENE'S SALE.-By virtue OF an execution
issued out of the clerks office of the County Court
La Sale county, and state OF Illinois. and directed
whereby am commanded to make the of certain
judgment recently obtained against David L. Hough In IA
OF Murray Blanchard of the lands. tenemens,
goods and chates Of the said David L. Houg have levied
on the following property TO wit:
Eh of swl. Of section number !, township number 81,
range east Sd M.also the NJ OF 81 num-
Ter six in said townshp-a said described land being in the
county Of La Sale and state of Illinois
Therefore, according to said command, shall expose for
sale at public auction all the right, title and interest
above named David L. Hoagh In and to the above described
property Wednesday. the Goth day OF August D. ISL
Ottawa, Illinois.
Dated st Ottawa this 9th day of August A. 7. 1871
DANIEL BLAKE.
Sheriff of La Sale County.
BY GEO. W. W. BLAKE, Chief Deputy. augl2-3w
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19
legal.

SHERIF'F'SSAL virtue OF an execution
Sale county and of Illinois, and 70 directed where
by commanded TO make the amount OF certain iudg
recently obtained against Henry c. Freeman favor OF
Beford Fisher out OF the lands tenements goods and chat
of said Henry e. Fireman. have levied the fol-
lowing property, 20 wit:
sevenytwo of the north half OF the northwest
of section thrtysX. township thrtyhree north,
Of the Sd NJ the east eight the
north half of the northwest quarter of the aforesaid section
the east ortysx acres of xtys acres OF the south
half OF the northwest quarter Of said section the west twen
ty OF the west sxy OF the south half Of the
northwest quarter Of sad section the north seventy Of
the southwest quarter of said section the south thirty
Of the southwest quarter OF said section the undivided half
OF the southeast quarter OF the northeast quarter of said
ton the undivided half of the southeast quarter Of said
ton and the undivided half OF the west half Of the south
vest quarter of section th!rtyope, township trytfree
two east OF the Sd NJ all Of said land being in the
county Of La Sale and state of Illinois.
Therefore according to said command shall expose for
SALE AZ public auction all the right, title and interest OF the
above named Henry c. Freeman in and to the above described
property, Wednesday the 30th day Of August ISL
o'clock at the south door of the county court house
Ottawa, Illinois.
Dated at Ottawa this sth day Of August A. n. 1871.
DANIEL BLAZE.
Sheriff OF La Sale County.
By GEO. W. ". BLAKE, Chief Deputy. augl2-3w
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

NO1>lCE:.-tsrATEOr AnAn G. TRuMRo. DEcEAsEp
~ Notice hereby given that the undersigned Admins.
tratriN OF the estate Of Ahah c. T1imho county
81 La Sale and state Of Illinois deceased viii appear b.
fore the County Court OF said county the third Monday
leny the 18th day. OF September ISL n. the Court House In
ottawa IN said county, when and where all persons having
claims or demands against said estate notified
and present the same In writing for adjustment.
Dated this LIST dsy of August A. ~ 1871.
FiDELlA A. TRUMBO,
aug5-6w Administrative.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

NOTICE.-EsTATEoF OLIVER G. GRAY. DscuAsrp-
Notice l. hereby given, tina, The undersigned eXecurx
Of the last will and testament of Oliver c. late
county OF La sale and state Of Illinois deceased viii appear
before me County Court Of said county the third Monday
said county when and where all persons having claims
demands against said notified 10 attend and pre-
sent the same In writing for adjustment
Dated this nth day Of August A. D. 1871.
MARY &. GRAY,
augI2 CIV ENrcutrIx.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

DMINISTR ATORsS NOTICE.
"A STATE OF ILLINOIS. LA SALE CouNTY-ss. County
Court 0r La Nih County, september Term 1871.
To the unknown heirsatiaw Of Thomas Shea deceased
late OF La Sale county, Illinois, and all Interested In
the real estate described In the following netice:
rake n0tCe, thAt the Undersigned Administrator OF the
estate OF Thomas Shea deceased win apply to the County
Court OF said county At the next September thereof
be holden at the Court House In said coanty Mon
day In September next for order 10 sell the following
scrbet real estate belonging to the unknown
saa Being the south half of the quarter
OF northwest quarter of section town thirty
range containing about twenty acres, situated In
La Sale county, Illinois. EDWARD G, LEWIS
August IL, ISL. Administrator.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

STATE OF ILLINOIS. la SALE Co.'s.
County, Court Of LIZ Sale County, September 7sr7a A. D.
ls7-In Chdncery
Mary E. Warn rs Allen u. warn-Fr Drorce.
1t appearing from affidavit ne the office of the
clerk Of said court that said defendant Allen b. Warn
not resident OF said state and said complainant having filed
her bill OF complaint In said court the chancey side there
OF on the 9Th day Of August ISL herein. and
having been issued thereon according to law:
Notice therefore, is hereby given to said defendant Allen
b. Warn. that unless you personally be appear before
said court at said thereof I've held Court
In Ottawa said county. the first Monday OF September
next 1871, (when and where said retrnable)
and Plead answer denur or except to said b the will
therein prayed for decreed accordingly.
II. I. MEAD. Clerk.
DICKEY, BOYLE NICHOLSON, Solicitors augo-4w
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

NASTER'S SALki.-Notce 10 hereby given,
M That by virtue OF decree made and entered OF record
BY the Circuit Court Of La Sale county. of Illinois,
then pending IN said court on the chancery side thereof
Smith Sabra 4. Buekin Florence Smith, Frank d. Smith
nnd Catherine b. Smith were defendants shall Tuesday
o'clock te afternoon Of day. offer for sale at the south
door OF the County Court ous Ottawa In said county at
lowing described property being the ordered by
cree to be sold. that IL TO say:
The northwest quarter Of the southeast quarter and the
northwest quarter OF the southwest quarter and also
north half lot az If the Quarer-a In
ton seven o. In township thirty six 6 north. range
La Sale and state OF Illinois.
TERMS SALE-Cash. GEORGE N. LELAND.
Master in Chsncery
b,v.H RsG STT. and compls Solicitors orr,.w