Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1871-03-14
GENERAL Ne VS..

| Blue marble has been discovered in Utah.
A Mexican silver dollar is worth nine cents
more than an American.
A Roman Catholic convent is to b. built in
Norwich, Conn.
In London workmen are carried on the rail-
roads ten miles once day each way for
| week, for twenty cents.
"Sambo, did you ever see the Catskill
mice"
Tight boots are so comfortable because they
make a man forget all his other miseries
There are six hundred and eighteen quack
doctors, mediums and fortune-tellers in New
York.
Professor Tyndall, by his experiments, has
clearly demonstrated that the dirt we breathe
is only equaled by the dirt we drink.
Somebody asserts that more than half the
hotels in this country are kept by natives of
New Hampshire and Vermont.
An indianapolis girl doesn't allow the loss
of one leg to prevent her dancing the Virginia
reel on crutches.
An Iowa man, instead of going to the ex-
pense of divorce, gave his wife a dollar and
told her to "scoot."
A gentleman renowned for charity, says no
beggar can go away from his gate unsatsfed
they can always ''get bite He keeps a
dog.
A Chicago girl says she does not get mar
ried for the reason that she does not know
whose husband she might be marrying.
There is hilly country in East Tennessee
where the children look up the chimney to see
if the cows are coming home.
a Richmond writer advocates charging an
admission-tee to church service, instead of
selling pews yearly.
for labor, to persons in Maine and New
Hampshire, nearly 100000
| A newly made Justice of the Peace, wish
ing to make himself particularly impressive
in performing marriage service, closed with
81 now pronounce you man and wife; and
may God have mercy on your souls!'
''Pat, who is this Nilsson we hear so much
spakin' about in the newspapers" "Don't you
Nilsson, that fit the battle of the Nile, tubbe
| shure.'
This is the way Colorado lover expressed
admiration for his fair shes peeler, she
| is. She killed bear when she was fifteen,
| and Digger Indian when she was eighteen
| and now she'll whip her weight in wildcats
A man, stopping his paper, wrote to the
editor ~ think folks ottent to spend ther
mummy for paypers, mi dadda diddant and
everybody sed he was the intelhgentes man in
the country and had the smartest family of
boiz that ever dugged taters.
The steamer S. exploded several years ago
with terrible effect, and burned to the waters
edge. Captain S. was blown into the air,
alighting near floating cotton bale, upon
which he fioated uninjured, but much black
ened and mudded. Arriving at last at a vii
lage several miles below, to which news of the
disaster had preceded him, he was accosted
by the editor of the village paper, with whom
he was we'll acquainted, eager for an item. Il
say is the S. blown up?" "Yes." ''Was
Captain S. killed." Il am the captain" ''The
thunder you are. How high were you blown"
"High enough to think of every mean thing
ever did in my life before l came down here. -
| The other started on run for his office. The
paper was about going to press, and not wish
ing to omit the item of intelligence for the
next issue, two weeks off, he wrote as follows
1.-The steamer S. has burst her boilers, as we
learn from Capt. s., who says he was up long
did in his life before he lit. We suppose he
was up about three months"