Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-10-17
Lataach for Hasa,aorlsts.

Lat71cf1 for H2G991O2'SStS.
Grant wears a white hat ON his Western trip
but the people know ii isn't Greeley, and don t
cheer.
Some one says that the lion and the lamb
may lie down together 10 this world, but when
the lion gets up it will be hard work to find the
lamb
The Boston Post ventures the belief that sit
is wrong to fly to one extreme to correct the
other" Every disobedient urchin in the land
will indorse that sentiment.
A young gentleman palliates his conduct in
having Tilted young lady to whom he was sup
posed to have been engaged, by saving that her
lip curled naturally, and her hair didn't
Appropriate Strip me of the robe of pride,
clothe me with humility were the words sung
by Louisville choir as a lady whose dress was
white satin and point lace, with long train
carried by page, passed up the aisle.
A quarresome couple we're discussing the
subject of epitaphs and tombstones, and the
husband said: my dear, what kind of stone
do you suppose they will give me when die ?"
Birthstone, my love' was the afectionate
reply.
A youth, visiting Quaker family was invi-
ted to remain to dinner, but declined. Finding
his stay very agreeable, he concluded to change
his mind, and SO advised his host, who replied,
NAY, verify, L cannot permit thee to tell lie
in my house." The boy dined at restaurant.
A gentleman having sent his man-servant to
buy some lucifer- matches, said to him when he
came back: II hope, John, they are better
than the last, which were good for nothing. -
"Oh, these are excellent" replied John; Il
have tried every one of them !"
Discretion is the better part of valor. Tom
and Arthur have been rude to their mother -
She has complained to papa, whois heard COM
ing up stairs Arthur say, Tommy, here
comes papa; | shall pretend to be asleep. -
Toni shant; | shall get up and put some
thing ON
A Connecticut ruralist drank his first glass
OF soda water very solemnly the other day. and
then cycling the clerk intently, anxiously re-
marked: Its all right, snose p WHY.
yes, said the clerk, besitatingly, 'but what do
you mean 7" Why, the thing won { go off in
fellow, will it?'
A reckless female sufragist vas recently
holding forth, and In the course of her remarks
she shreked: 'What shall we do with our
helpless female children" Smother EN- p
cried wsg from the audience No, no, ,"
shouted benign old lady, mother EN-" Il
will do heap of good.
Such perfect love as this is seldom witnessed
In this selfish world. 1t was developed last
week by a conversation between young mar
ried couple, and listened to by one not SO far
gone: Who's tweet?' why, oo's tweet "
mol oo's tweet" 'Oos title birdy is 90 ?'
zoos little birdy." That's ALL
'My dear, will you play your thousand dol
lar poJka?" said a farmer to his charming gal.
six mouths from fashionable boarding-school.
The young ladys musical performance had
dwindled, piece by piece. to solitary polka.
and the fond parents sole compensation for bis
many years outlay was this precious ''thous-
and dollar polk" and his sorry joke.
In some of the religious denominations they
license young men to preach, and let them
preach on trial some time before they ordain
them. AT a church meeting of this kind there
arose quite discussion as to ordainng a licen-
tIate WAC had not succeeded very we'll SO far;
and an elder settled the matter by moving that
he ''be required to remain six months longer
in his present licentious condition"
A DIVORCE 1t is related by distinguish
ed attorney thal few days since, bis gloomy
looking den was entered by very charming
presence, which Oh looking up, he discovered
to be lady. She was very young, very pref
ty, and, OF course, bewitching.
Are you Mr. - the lawyer 2" she asked.
Eyes, madam; pray be seated In what
way can serve you, asked the lawyer bland
ly
II want divorce, sir
"You want divorce" cried the astonished
counsel why, who n the world could have
the heart TO separate from so beautiful lady 70
''No one that [ know of. 1t is not the man
wishes to leave me; | want to leave the man..
''Oh ! | perceive hut Whv 2i
wen, nothing In particular; but, to tell
you the truth, [ can do better.
1t is needless to say the divorce suit was not
brought.
A CUNNING ExPEDIENT There is fable
among the Hlndoos that thief having been
detected and condemned to die, happily hit on |
an ezpedient which gave him hope OF life -
lie sent Tor his jaller, and told him that he had
a secret OF great Importance which be desired |
10 I'D part to the king, and when that had been I
done be would be prepared to die Upon re.
ceiVlng this piece OF Intelligence the king at
once ordered the cul prit to be conduced to his |
presence, and demanded of him to know bis |
secret. The thief repli. tina, he knew he Sc
cret OF causing trees TO grow which would bear
fruit of pure gold The experiment might be
easily tried, and bis majesty would not lose the
opportunity; SO, accompanied by bis prime
minister, his courtiers. aud his chief priest he
went with the thief to spot selected near the
city wall, where the latter performed series of
solemn nominations This done. the culprit
produced piece OF god, and declared that if
it should be planted. it would produce a Tree
every branch of whlch would bear gold.
But, he added, this must be put into The
ground by hand that has never been stained
Dy dishonest act. My hand is not clean. so
pass IL TO your majesty
The king took the piece Of gold, but hesita
ed. Finally be said, Il remember that ia nv
younger days | often Glched money from my
ather 5 treasury, which was not mine. have
epented OF the sin, but YET hardly dare say
ny hand is clean. l pass it, therefore TO nav
prime minister.
The latter, after brief consideration an
wered: 1T were a pity to break the charm
through possible bunder. [ receive taxes
rom the people, and as | am exposed to many
emptations, how can | be sure that | have re-
NAMED perfectly honest? | must give it to the |
governor Of our citadel"
~, NO, no, cried the governor, drawing back | I
Remember that have the serving out of paw
'nd provisions to the soldiers Let the high !
PRIEST plant it,
And the priest said You forget have the
ollectlng OF tithes, and the Disbursements tor :
acrifce '"on'0 'oi
At length the thief exclaimed "Yopr mai 7
sty, think 1t were better for society that iii d
We OF US should be hanged since II annoars =
hat not an honest man can be found amonrs, n
g." 'N1VhSat
In spite OF the lamentable exposure. the
ing laughed; and so pleased was he with ,be
lief s cunning expedient, that he granted him :,
pardon Il