The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-02-07

w nat state IS round on both ends and
high in the middle? Ohio.
ns0@ What is that which by losing an
eye has nothing but nose left-A
noise
bs5~ A question of law-Would kid,
taking a nap, be indictable under the
statute against kidnapping?
HD" Ny boy, what does your mother
do for living?" was asked of little
barefooted urchin. "She eats cold vict-
uals, sir"
BSy" An auctioneer, in recent hand
bill, advertises for sale large quantity
of oil-paintings, "by some of the an.
cient masters of the day"
Rsiy" When a man and woman are made
one, the question is, which one? Some
times there is long struggle between
them before the matter is settled.
Bs5- a maiden lady, alluding to her
youthful accomplishments, said that at
six months Of age she went alone. A
malicious individual present remarked
Yes, and you have been going alone
ever since"
RsJf" A colored.mail-c carrier in Virginia
was recently we'll shaken by man for
kicking his dog. Look-a-hero, massa,"
said he, "you'd better be keerful howyou
shake dis chile Cos when you shakes me
you shakes the whole of the United States;
[ carries de mails"
Isl5' " can tell you how to save that
horse" said coachman to man who
was looking very earnestly at the skeleton
Of horse attached to vehicle heavily
laden with oysters. VIII you ? Say on"
Why, just slip him away while the
crows are at roost.
Geg-This is genuine epitaph on child
buried in an Ohio graveyard;
''He tasted Life's bitter cup,
And then refused to drink it up.
He turned his little head aside,
Disguised with the taste, and died"
1e5" A gentleman speaking Of the hap
piness Of the married state before his
daughter, dispairingly said She who
marries does well, but she who does not
marry does better" "Well, than" said
the young lady, "I will do we'll; let those
who choose do better"
Bs3" A gentleman, on beingasked what
he had for dinner. replied
"A lean wife roasted, and the ruin of
man for sauce"
What did his dinner consist of?-Of
course he gave itup, and here's the an
swer--a spare rib and apple sauce.
20" A facetious man, who gets off his
pieces Of wit by " the book of arithmetic"
is responsible for the following atrocity:
A female suffrage act has been lost in
the Dakotah Legislature, by vote of4 to
2 which is 4-2-ituous calamity, quite
unexpected by the ladies of that territory.
Our devil 1ders that the writer had not
more lOder feeling 4 the petitioners.
B6g" A man who was brought before
King James l. could eat, as it was said,
a whole sheep at a meal.
What else can he do" asked the king,
"more than other men,"
Nothing" was the reply.
Hang him then," said James "for
it is is shame a man should live who
eats the share of ten or fifteen men, and
can do no more than one"
Be25~ Two dutchmen, not long since,
had occasion to go to q blacksmith's on
business, and finding the smith absent
from the shop, they concluded to 90 to
the house having reached the door, said
one to the other =" Come Haunce, YOU
AK about the smit" Main, main, said the
other, but you can tell so better as l
can, veil den so | knocks" The mistress
OF the house came to the door. Haunse
then inquired" Is de smit nit in p
"Sir," said the woman " Is de smit nit
in p " | cannot understand you," said
the woman. Haunce then bawled out,
"Vot de debil l say is de smit NIT in ?'
The other Dutchman, perceiving that the
woman could not understand Haunse,
stepped up and pushed him aside and
said =" Let a man come what can say
something is de plach smt shop IN de
house ?"
pD~ An amusing incident occurred one
day last week in the morning train going
west from Richmond on the Chesapeake
and Ohio Railroad AS the train entered
the Blue Ridge tunnel at Rockbridge Gap
one mile in length, passenger sought to
avail himself Of the three minutes friend
ly darkness for the purpose of CHANGING