New-York tribune., 1871-01-14
NETWORK DAILY TRIBUNE SATURDAY JANUARY H. 1871

tatiOns of this Prospero of jails, this Merlin
Of the graveyard, the victim is conlured
up and slaughtered anew with superiluons
ceremonies and solemnites of sacrifice. We
have had his version of his discovery OF
the Nathan murderer-a thrilling legend OF
great length and perspicuity; but it turns
out that his laboriOus research ended merely
in wind, and that the unhappy old nObleman
had been throughout a victim of the sinful
" games" of some felonous and ircarcerated
humOrist, whom neither his advanced years.
nor his exalted title. nor his venerable wig
ayailed to awe or subdue to decorum. These
immured cracksmen" and "kDucks" and
"gonophs" bamboozled the old gentleman
and sent him upon many wild-gOose chase
from which he returned perspiring and empty,
but with unabated capacities of delusion. lie
really found nothing except casual felon
with three fingers, and publisher green
enough to print the gbbering and squall-
ing notes of exultatiOn which, with COB
lin gesticulation and wild witch dances
and elderly and creaking rigadoOns, he ut
tered above the hollow deep Of his empty
mares nest. 1t was cOnjectured that when
the utter vacancy of his achievement be-
came manifest to him he would go some
where and expire; but those who so sur
missed do not know the tough and elastic fiber
of which the Count is woven. He rises from
his ashes, phoenix like, with more tail feathers
and louder squawk than ever. He tells the
world how he discovered the Maiden muir
derer a miscreated and dyspeptic postmaster,
who shot q young man in a bank few years
ago, and carried away such funds as he could
lay hands on. The Count was then a resident
of Boston, where he was engaged in the liberal
pursuit of being constantly prosecuted for the
mysterious and indescribably awe-inspiring,
not TO say aristocratic, crime of being, in the
leveling language of the law-bOoks ga COM
"mon barrator.n He hied to Maiden straight
way, examined the fatal premises, inter
"viewed" the village barber and the town
bull, called on the bereaved family, and, in
short, above the horizon of the saddened little
town,
Like comet burned
That fires the length OF ophinchus huge
L the Arctic sky.
His methods of investigation were somewhat
meager; they were apparently founded upon
the theory that if he accused everybody IN
Maiden Of the crime he would hit upon the
perpetratOr sooner or later. 1t is affirmed that
he began his useful procedures by charging
respectable and innocent irOn-mOnger with
the MURDER and there are rumors not con-
firmed by the testimony of the Count that his
head was Immediately and succinctly punched
by the innocent and respectable iron-monger
aforesaid. Circumstances ultimately drew sus-'
piciOn upon the postmaster OF. the town, ana
the crime was brought home to hlm, else
! there can be little doubt that the Count would
have charged it in succession upon the butcher,
the baker, the candlestick- maker, the parsOn
of the parish, and every deacon in the diocese.
1t is apparent that the Count is waxing old
that his eyes are getting dim, though his
natural impudence is thus far in no wise
abated. He has obviously lost that keenness
of scent which used to distinguish him, and
which enabled him TO smell visionary and
supposittious rats at an immense distance. 1t
would beseem his years and ease his gather
ing infrmities of mind and vision if he
would take final leave of the Office of
volunteer detective. All that he gets in
recompense of labors which must exceed
those of Hercules, and wanderings as
various as those of Ulysses, is the evil repute
of being the most enormous bore, and the
most poisonous nuisance, of his own or any
other time or period. If he still burns with
the kindling and eager curiosity which some
times warns the SHOWS of age, let him divert
it in less ghastly and revolving directions. Let
him bend his attention to the solution Of the
query whether molasses will explode. This
problem, we take it, is just about adapted to
the Counts immense intellect, and its solution
would be an appropriate and digniied conclu-
sion of his long and ilustriOus career