The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-12-22
sCrssORTNGs.

~
The United States Treaury is called
che original dollar store.
The professional forger asks but
one right for hinself-the copy
right.
When man bends his steps to-
ward an object, he is often apt to
break into run.
A Texas serpent exhibited its lack
of the traditional wisdom by swallow.
ing China nest-egg.
A youg lady recently tried to do up
her back hair with honey-comb to
make it look ''sweet.
In too many lamentable instances
the scere "last of this strange, event.
full history" is-kerosene.
Why should one not pay acowardly
omnibus driver? Because none but
the brave deserve the fare.
Guizot is writing a book on the
moral condition of France. 1t will
not be very large volume.
A fillial Virginian shot doctor be-
cause his medicaments failed to re-
ieve the predicament of his sire.
A correspondent af6rms that his
very soul was coiled up in horror by
some incidents of the Chicago fire.
The Boston Gas Co. has sunk its
artesian well / ,020 feet, and is still
progressing at the rate of feet per
day. .
There will be fifty three Sundays
in 1871, the year commencing and
on the Sabbath. THIS quite rare
occurrence.
Out in Arkansas, Republicans who
work with the Democrats are distin-
guished by the ambiguous title of
Brundletails.
A gentleman the other evening OBJ
jected to playing cards with lady
because he said she had such q win
ming way about her.
A clergyman named Fiddle refused
to acceps the title of D. D., because,
as he said, he did Mt want to be called
the Rev. Ichapod Fiddle, D. D.
AWestern editor informs q cor
respondent that the words mo cards
accompanying q marriage notice sig
nifty that the welded pair don't play
poker.
Ebenezer Shaw celebrated his Tooth
birthday at Shesquesquin, Pa,
recently, and over four hundred de-
scendents and kinsmen attended to
congratulate him.
A loving wife in Danbury, Conn,
on the decease of her husband sent
the following thrilling telegram to a
distant friend: 'sdear John is dead.
Loss fully covered by insurance"
There used to be a good old gen.
eral order in the British navy, issued
to all commanders as regarded the
propriety of engaging an enemy OF
superior force, when In doubt,
fightr'
Reynolds, the dramatist, observing
to Martin the thickness of the house
at one. of his own plays, added, he
supposed it was owing to the war. u
"No,' replied the latter, sit is owing
to the piece.
A Down Easter, being told that his
father, noted for his meanness, would
tell lie for six and quarter cents,
Indignantly denied the allegation. but
at the same time admitted that he
might relate sixteen for a>dollar.
You are beautiful, and I adore you,
said gentleman to the belle of the
evening. For my bart, I hate you
and think you frightful,' she retorted.
I believe you, frank girl. You dc
not tell polite falsehoods like me-
A turtle passed through Balm.
bridge, Ga, few days since, with
the inscription attached to him
':Please let this traveller pass to the
banks of the Thronoteeska. He owe.
no one nothing, neither is he a poll
tician."
A member of the Masonic fraterni
ty telegraphed to "a companion, ''Mak'
room for ten Royal Arch Masons
Coming to-day" When the compan
ions arrived they found a pen hat
been built for their accommodation
the telegram, at its destination, read
ing, 'tMake room for ten r A Ms
Coming to-day"
A Maine young lady, who endeav
ored to put to practicle test an oil
legend which promises sight of he
future husband to the spinster VIII
goes down a cellar backward on tn
last night of October, fell to the bot
tom of the stairway amid streams c
kerosene and showers of broken glass
causing terrible racket and effectu
ally spelling her beauty.