The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-07-07
Wit and HumOr.


A Disguised amateur fruit-raiser says:
81 have no more admiration TO waste
on the father of George Washington for
forgiving the destruction of his cherry
tree. A cherry tree is only curculio
nursery, and the day my George Wash
ington is six years old I'll give lin
Ratchet and tell him to down with every
cherry tree on the place
AT one of the "labor conventions"
held in Washington during the strike,
Mr.. Green made speech, exhovting his
hearers to "work in the interests of
harmony and peace" Whereupon an
able-bodied striker sprang to his feet
with the exclamation, Yes, sab
dats what we want hominy and peas
but d-n five can get it wild dollar AN
half a day y
"THEY do play such lovely sacred mu-
sic at my daughters" said a pious but
deaf old lady "There's one piece IN
particular that is so solemn and devo-
tional, The soul bereft will find me.
What she did hear was, "The girl left
behind me-"
Bob BRowN, did you say that my
father had not as much sense as Billy
Smiths little yellow dog? ?" No;
never said any such thing. | never said
that your father had not as much sense
as Billy Smiths little yellow dog All
said was, that Billy's little yellow dog
had more sense than you father; that's
all | ever said Well, it's well you
didn't say the other, tell you"
A CALIFORNIA lady thus relates how
! she gave offense TO one of the party
accompanying the English High Com
missioners. She was praising the Golden
! State.
/" Aw, yes" said the gentleman, " fine
place, no doubt, but shouldn't care to
live there, you know. You have earth
quakes there, and they are such shock
ing nuisances."
The lady laughed, and said to a by
stander, I" what an excellent joke
He calls earthquakes shocking nui-
sances.
moving away with offended dignity, 4" l
never pun"
A DRUG clerk in Newark recently put
up a prescription for young lady
friend of dose of castor oil. She limo
Gently inquired how it could be taken
without tasting He promised to ex-
plain to her, and in the meantime pro
posed to drink glass of soda water
with her. When he had finished he
said my friend, you have taken
your oil and did not know it, The
young lady was nearly crazy, and
cried ooh, dear, it wasn't for my.
self wanted the oil it was for my mo-
ther."
A COUNTRY merchant, who wanted two
tailor's irons several years ago, ordered
them of firm of hardware merchants
in the city. He first wrote his order :
"Please send me two tailors gooses."
Thinking this was not grammar, he de
stroyed it and wrote this one: "Please
send me two tailor's geese" He thought
over the matter till he was very much
worried, and at last, in moment of
desperation, he seized pen and wrote
the following, which was duly posted :
'Messrs. So-and-so: Please send me
one tailor's goose, and, hang it, send me
another
In his address to his people, at the
twenty-tfth anniversary of his ordina-
ton, DR.. Eddy gives this incident :;
"Soon after my settlement at Harvard
street | asked that the pulpit be remod-
elled. 1t was an elegant pulpit, fine
piece of handiwork. But it was too high.
too large, too cumbersome One evening
appeared before the society, and the
proprietors asked me how much lower
desired to have the pulpit. / replied,
About eighteen inches And an excel
lent brother rose and gravely moved,
That the minister's standing be low
cred eighteen inches. And it was voted.
| have known churches to take other
and less honorable ways, to lower the
minister's standing