Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-06-03
THE hot SPRINGS.
what barney Hughes Thinks Of Iifc
Thama

/
some other patient being consigned
to me, but met the proper owner
promcnading the valley with my leg
itimatc support, and we cheCrfully
exchanged salutation and legs. then
took
A GUM ARABIC BATH,
and aftera careful inventory bcitccC
| am all here.
This is a social place. Ccrcmonious
frigidities are abandoned, aud the
most candid converse prevails. Morn
ing dawns TO the sound of crutchcs,
etc. "Good morning" followed by
slows your earl" "Much better;
how's your nose" "Oh, highly i'm
proved will only lose an inch and
half" and such like professional
greetings. My roommate has lost
much flesh, but remains his
VANITY AND NEATNEss.
The other morning he called the
porter to black his boots and elevate
his pedal extremity; porter pulled
vigorously and finally got oihis boot,
but had the leg with it. Great excite
ment ensued in the room; several
bootjacks were seixed with spiritual
istic vigor and moved in the direction
of the porter's head. The noise soon
drew crowd, who seemed disap-
pointed at finding such
A THRILLING CAUSE,
and ono mildly suggested the bath
Mate was hurried to, and soon souscd
in the water, and leg thrown along
side of him, and in two seconds, by
pair of stcelyards, the cohesion and
he cooperation was resumed. This
is but an unimportant result Of these
wonderful waters. Passing along
the street the other day, | noticed
several gentlemen playfully throw
ing small gravel at each other. One
was struck square in the forehead,
and
DECAPITATIoN
Immediately took place. A spectator
cOolly picked up the dismembcrcd
ain-excloser and returned it to the
body, which, after settling it gently
in proper position, politely said
'thank you," and resumed the play
full gambols.
As you approach Little Rock, and
on arriving there, you can save much
money and perhaps visit here by
simply believing all yon hear. Som
remarkable cures have been clccte,
in this simply, but
TERRIBLY TIREsoME
manner. On the other hand, prcma-
ture death has been cansed by the pa
tient being an audience to some of
these wonderful retailers. ! would
recommend travellers to supply them
selves with bottle of Spalding's glue,
as they will find it valuable in assist
ing them to keep their seats on the
road between here and Little Rock.
Arriving here, you Immediately place
yourself in the
PRESENCE OF a PHYSICIAN
Physician (blandly)-IIow do you
90, sir? Let me sec the back of yonr
ear. All, that will do. Now, take
off your undershirt. Good piece of
goods. Cost four dollars, ch That's
bad symptom. You will bathc
twice q day.
Patient-Doctor how bad am !, and
do you think soaking i'll these waters
will bring me out?
Physic-Well, the symptoms Of ca
pillary adjunctive is not so discrip-
tive of the hernia, which would cut
aneously corrode the primary digcs-
ton of what we term SophOranctum-
phi, which you have no doubt suffer
ed from in the scrotal dn cction of
lymphatiC certebra, hence the nocCs-
sity for a direct confluence of the
medicality of the abdomen, protected
by the tympannum of the loosus GER
1ume. This can be easily eradicatcd
by inserting into the glandular secrc-
tions sufficient gastronomic influence
condigning a mutual insurance on the
safety valve plain. Many physicians
will tell you different, but | know,
you know, and q elimination of the
patent asphyxia is plainly discern
able.
Paticnt-Well, that's the first time
the thing was ever fully explained to
me, and you can 90 to work on that
plan.
hope am
VIOLATING NO CONFIDENCE
in bctraying this 'Rcief to the Mil
lion," but my sufferers must be
protected, even at the sacrifice of
friendship and small amount of frac.
ton currency. l will 90 still further
T and give you the following
DIRECTIONS TO BATHERs:
|. Bathers must take of their boots
before entering the tubs.
>, Do not wear linen clothes after
, bathing when the weather is cool, as
you are liable to take somebody's
overcoat.
, 3. Do not drink ice water while
taking sweat.
/. Wear paper collars after hot
. bath, to prevent catching cold.
3. Always pay in advance for baths
: as it keeps your clothing more con-
, vcnicnt.
, 6. Let the hot water run until your
ear commences to fry, then turn it off.
t 7. Lay quietly until you swell up
so that the size of the tub is uncom-
: Portable.
f s. Call for your valet and have him
rub you briskly for a half hour, with
! towel thickly covered with sharp
f pointed tacks.
, 9. BE carried to your room and
r stay there till you fill two hogshcads; ;
r wash days more will be required.
| THE MIRACULOUS EXECUTIONS
5 of these waters, as learned from the
:, oldest inhabitants, surpasses the Wild
1 est dreams Of Mr. Mmchauscn.
Shoe markers starve to death here, as
you have only to throw your we'll
v worn boots into the bath for few
g moments and they return to yOuncat-
e ly repaired. Toiors are no good, as
a similar restitution is made TO distress
l. ed garments. It's generally believed
! ! that even railroad stocks have been
7 and are watered here.