Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-09-28
Humorous Readings.

Much in brief-the alphabet.
Backgammon-a lady's pannier.
Blue fshing-getting nary a bite.
Desperate gsme-s stag at bay.
Passed to a third resding.-Love let.
ters.
The best time to cut corn.-When it
aches.
Not favorite summer resort with
school-boys-Long Branch.
Josh Billings has "never heard of the
same man hankering for some billed crow
2 times"
A newspaper advertisement calls for a
plain cook, able to dress q little boy FIVE
years old.
An inscription upon a church-bell in
Milwaukee, reads: "In memory of Min
ME ]. Hodges, weight, TIA pounds.
A fowl conundrum: Why do chickens
have no future existence Because they
have their necks twirled in this.
Do want of food and a tbrsshing have
the same effect upon boys ys?-Yes, decided
ly, for both make the holler.
Teacher-"Gerty, You were a very good
girl to-day" Gerty-"Yes ma'am; L
couldn't help being good had stiff
neck"
There is chap ont West with his hair
so red that when he goes out before day
light he il taken for sunrise, and the
cocks begin to crow.
The editor of an Eastern paper, having
received a bank note detector, returns
thanks, and modestly asks for some bank
notes upon which to test lis accuracy.
The latest extract from "What know
about Farming: Catch your butterflies
late in August. Select the deep yellow
ones if yon would get good, sweet, sala-
BILE butter.
Mrs. Patience Opedick of Grass Lake,
some hundred years of age aud revolu-
rionary pensioner, eats without the nse of
@pectscle-, and can bake bread in four
languages.
A swell, wishing TO m ke himself inter
estinp, asked, "Maris, what do you sup
pose l Was hundred years sgo?' Just
what you are now, nothing at ALL was
the prompt reply.
Somebody once asked Tom Corwin If
he had heard certain story of Lewis ID.
Csmpbelrs. "Wss it about himself? 2" in-
quired Mr.. Corwin. "No, l believe not"
Nv ell, then, / never heard it," said Mr..
Corwin, gravely.
Two lovers stood upon the shore of
Massachusetts, Bay, bidding a sad ftre-
well before Seth tore himself away. I'll
4 7 II
Ann" saws he and then took a little
smack, aud sailed away to sea.
Georgia politicians are getting as wick
ed I'm word-) as some of oar Western edi-
tors. One of them says of an opponent:
HE would he but an average hog in a
drove" That politician wrote as bad
thing as ever w5s 'penned.'
told by his mother what a pretty thing it
would be TO have brothers and sisters,
a-kad in bis next prayer. that the good
Lord would give him ''sixty brothers and
hundred sisters" The mother thought
that was asking for too much, and did not
say Amen.
a young man, serPnadiRg. sung the
following under the wrong window:
''AIv dear CsnOra.
My dear Canora-"
Just at that point an old scratch poked
her head out of the window aud sang:
Young man below there,
Young man blow there,
Your dear CAnOra
Lives four doors below here
How's this for cats IF cat doth meet
cat upon the garden wall, and if Cat
doth greet a cat, o need they both TO
sauall Every Tommy has his Tabhy
waiting on the wall. and yet be welcomes
her approach always with q yawl Aud
| if kitten wish 10 court upon the gar
den wall. why don't he sit and sweetly
smile aud not stand up and bawl lift hi-
prs ions bsck up high, aud show his
teeth and moan, as IL 'twere collie more
than love that made that fellow groan
A humorous paper has cut illus'rat-
ing this scene: An old gent is walking
in bis garden. Presently the milk man
camfs along outside the high garden wall
and eivss his customary yell. Old gent
hears something. hut beiog very deaf, l.
unable 10 make Just what il wanted. so be
| put hi- ear trumpet in place, and elevated
the bell edge over the wall, and exclaim-.
"Herer Milkman takes II for a di-h.
/ hnd empires quar- oi ihilA INFO VIC NiN
gents ear, and GOES about hiS business.
Grace Greenwood writing from Denver
says :-"Nature did sUtslopes an III turn
originally, in affixing 10 them "A mark by
which they can be seen and a bead draw
on them at a great distance. 1t renders
them especially liable TO attacks in the
rear, which reminds me of little story.
A small Colorado boy who had been out
playing, ran into the house in a state of
great excitement, saying that he had
seen some sntelopes in guleh near by.
At his entreaty his mother went out TO
look At them, but nothing of the kind
was to be found. She became iueredu-
lous. and said at last-'I don't believe
you saw any antelopes; it must have
teen your imagination, my child To
this the little mountaineer Indignantly re-
sponded L guess my imagination lent
white behind"