The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1871-03-02

doctor with q grave face entered the sick
roen. Biddy rubbed her mistress with
ca4phor. Mr.. Phillips stood by wipine
his eyes with the drapery Of his scan,
| attire.
"Oh doctor, doctor! will It die Z? Only
save II and you may take all I have ~
cried Mrs. Phillips wringing her hands.
I'm get down on my knees and thank
you forever"
Keep your sitting, marm, keep your
sitting," said the doctor, taking . large
pinch Of snuff.
"DoR't keep me In suspense! only
look at its precious little arm! What Ia
It! For the love Of heaven tell me-let
me know the worst!"
"Well, marm, II I speak out you pro.
mise not to blame me ?" asked the doc.
tor, gravely.
INC, mol"
"Marm," said he, with his long face
still more elongated, "it's my opinion Al
man and physician, that the child has
been bitten by FOUR bed bugs, or else it
has been bitten in four places by one in
sec. of that description"
"Dr. Gray" cried the father, "do
you mean to insult US ~
"By 10 means, sir-I repeat it,"
mo you don'tw yelled Mrs. p. "It's
enough to insinuate that I have bed.
bugs, to say nothing Of your libel on
that little angel cherub. Get out Of this
house this instant, you mean, cheating,
insulting old vagabond." And selling
the butter ladle from the table where
Biddy placed it full Of hot pepper tea,
she flew at him. The doctor knew
enough about women to know that in
flight lay his safety, and with a hasty
bow he backed off the steps and started,
for his gig. His heels few up-his head
went down, and his whole body spun off
down the hill like q steel-shod cutter.
Mrs. p, nothing dauntei, rushed after
him and shared the same fate. The two
brought up together At the foot Of the
hill, in water-trough but no words Of
sympathy were exchanged. The doc
tor got out as quick As he could, and GAL
loped home, and Mrs. Phillips followed
his example.
The baby lived and throvc. A it
grew older its dictatorship became more
and more apparent.
Phillips was down on all fours the
greater part Of the time, that the baby
might ride on his back and Mrs. p.
left her arms bare in the coolest wealth
er, because the steel springs Of her dress
hurt the baby.
Baby made complete wreck of all
the crockery there was in the house
pounded it with . hammer; he kicked
his heels through the looking glasses,
aud tore the inwards out Of pas gold
watch, unmolested. 1t pleased 1.-THE
dreary, weary, seary baby" his mother
said-"the little nifty, sugar plummy
baby"
One day when this wonderful baby
was year old, the village inhabitants
were startled by the disheveled appari-
ton of Mrs. Phillips-barehcaded and
-bareheaded, and wearing q wild ex.
preston Of countenance-hurryi at .
frantic rate to the joiner's shop where
her husband worked. And instantly
she re appeared, followed by Phillips at
u dog trot.
Old Squire Smith saw them, and be-
ing man who lived in constant dread of
fire, he thought it must be that the res.
idence Of Mr.. Phillips was in flames.
The old gentleman was perfectly insane
ON the subject Of confiagration, at the
top of his lungs raised a cry: "Flre
Fire! Fire!"
"Where, where ?" cried . score OF
voices. "Charles Phillips house," cried
the old gentleman.
The firemen gathered, got out the en-.
gine, aud run with al! speed to the
house, but much to their surprise, they
did not even smell puff of smoke In
the region.
The head fireman, who was some.
thing of a wag, knocked at the door.
Mrs. Phillips appeared absolutely radi.
ant.
"Is this the house, allow me to In.
quirc, ma'a am, that we were expected t.
squirt on ?" said the fireman.
II do not understand you," said Mrs
p, "but the baby has walked two steps
OIL his own feet alone!"
"Sold! by JUPITER" cried the fire
man, land now, boys, here's three time.
three to the baby that's walked two
steps! Hearty, my men!"
And they gave three cheers and re
turned home.