The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1871-02-15
The Josh Billings Papers.
ODDS AND EMS.

ODDS AND EMS.
Natur never makes emmy blunilers.
Wen she makes phool she means it.
fiav finally cum tew the knokIu-
sion that the majority ov mankind kan
he ednkated on the black better than
i'll the brain tor good clothes will often
make phnot respectable, while c,lu-
kashnm only serves to show his weak
points.
never knu n man yet whose name
was George Washington LAFAYETTE
Goodrich, Esq, aud who alwus signed
his name for the full amount, but what
wiz bigger man on paper than he
was by natur.
AS gineral thing an individual who
IL neat in hiz person il neat in his
morals.
Man liz my brother, and konsider
that am nearer related ,ew him thru
hiz vices than am thru his virtews.
Ihare IL nothing abont which, the
world makes so few hIunders, and the
individual So menny, as Il mans ack
tual Importance among his fellow crit
tiers.
A man with a very small head IL
like pin without emmy, very apt tew
git into things beyond his depth.
The pashuns ov an old man are Of
ten like hiz teeth, they cease to trouble
him, simply bekaHse the nerve is ded.
The only pedigree worth transmit
ting il virtew, and this liz the very
thing that kant be transmitted.
Affectas(iun haz made more phools
than the Lord hnz.
About the nearest few absolute in
solvency that Il man kan git in this
world, and think he liz diring rich liz tn
leave nothing but pedigree tew his
family.
| don't pretend tew hav enney less
vile pashuns than my Majors, Int du
despize the person, most hraltily wha
caters tew those hav got.
The man who kant find emmy thing
to do in this world il as bad uph as Il
.earling heifcr.
Thar liz no pasllum ov the human
heart that promises SO much and pa.
so little az revenge.
Thare haint no man. yet lived long
Ill
fallibility ov his Judgment.
Thar il this odds between humor.
Gus lekter and seicntitfick one, VI,
hav got to understand the humorous
lekter few enjoy it, but you kan enjoy
| the scientiffick one without under.
standing it.
1t is but step from zeal tew bigotry
but it il II step that liz most general,
taken.
Don't lay emmy certain plans for the
fewter, it IL like planting tuds, ant
expekting tew raze tudstnels.
No man yet who had strength OK
Cunning is half brother tew fear, ant
they are both ov them woakness.
Natar once in while makes IL phool
bnt NJ general thing phool, like gar
ments, are made tew order.
A man who is good company for him
self is alwus good company for Others
Genuine praiZe consist in naming
mans faults to liz face, and his goo,
Qualitys tew his back.
One ov the best temporary cures fo
pride and affektashum that hav eve
seed tried liz sea sickness; man VIII,
wants tew vomit never puts on air
A fault concealed il but little bette
than one INDUCED in.
Witty speeches are like THROWING
stones at n target, the more time spe,,
in taking aim, the less danger thar j
in hitting the mark.
hrve alwus noticed one thing, whe
a person bekums disguised with thi
world, and konkludcs to withdra,
from it, the world very kindly let's til
: person went.
Woman haz no friendships. Sh
eitle: loves, despses, TT hates.
A day in the life oy an old man j
like one ov the last days in the tall o
the year, every hour brings chang
in the weather.
l love tew see an old person joyfn
!, but knickuptheheelsfull.
A coque,te in love IL just abont a
tame az a bottle of ginner-pop tina
haz stood sum time with the cork phil
Ell out.
Human happiness il like the HotteH
tott language, emmy boldly kan talk
well ennff, but thare amt but phe'
kan understand it.
: Gravity IL no more evidence ov wis
dom than a paper collar il ov shir
: Whatever Providence haz given II
= the fakulty tew do. he laz given us til
power tew do.
Thare il CRATE menny folks in TIN
world who are like little flies; graf
bores without meaning or knowing j
Great iniquitys seem tew baptiz
themselfs. If the devil had only bee
e guilty ov petty larceny he wouldn
hav bin heard ov agin.
! The hardest thing that emmy ma
: kan do il tew fall down OH the ice whe
9 it il wet, and get mp and praze til
+ Lord.
All the good injnns die young.
: How TO KEEP A SITUATIoN.-It
S sad just now for many VIII" depend ~
1. on their salaries for the support
J y