The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-05-25
WIT AND HUMOR.
Disease of the. chest-Insolvency


cat square meals.
What occupation does everybody's
life begin with A minors.
Why are the scars on the face like
cats Because they mutlate.
Why are some women like facts?
Because they are stubborn things.
TO drain your land, drink whisky
and spend your time in saloons.
Common sense Is valuable in all
kinds of business except love making.
"A poetical genius describes ladies
lips as the growing gateway of pork
and potatoes"
TO attempt to use fish-scales for
weighing purposes has proved unsuc-
cessful.
of course when our better halves
rise from the dinner table and leave
us, we are "half gone"
"A wise man advertises extensively
because he believes that many columns
furnish a good support.
Husbands tavorito motto-Darn
my stocking. N. B.--When farmer,
he sometimes says, "Darn my hoes"
Its just about as lsensible. to un-
dertake to get married without count
ing as it is to try to do business with
out advertising.
-"What are you 'doingY' said
father to son, who was tinkering an
old watch. 'ImprovIng my time,"
was the witty rejoinder.
"A Saratoga belle who dresses
nineteen times a day has gone into
decline. So has her father. He de-
clines to pay his notes.
Frugal landlady of boarding
house--''Comipg home to dinner, Mr..
Brown?" Hearty boarder -"Well,
perhaps, if 1 don't feel hungry"
y "A wag, on seeing an old gobbler
trying to swallow a. cotton string, face.
tiously:remarked ;s,"That was the last
attempt to introduce cotton iAto Tur.
key"
AN English writer says, in his ad-
vice to young married women, "that
, their mother Eve married gardener
1t might be added that the gardener, in
consequence of tie match. lost his sit
, uation.
"A wealthy bachelor married, off
hand, beautiful young lady whom he
caught inspecting cook-stoves at the
e fair. Since then you can't get within
G forty rods Of the stove department for
! the crowd Of pretty girls.
y "A clever repartee is attributed to
y the member from Mormondom in the
new Congress. A brother member
asked him how many wives he had.
Enough to keep me from running af,
ter other peoples" he promptly re-
v piled.
MIR. Golden, an old bachelor edi-
tor, thus, in his spite, comments on q
recent moonlight incident: 1--WE left
our sanctum at midnight, and on our
way home we saw young lady and
0 gentleman holding gate on its hin
ges. They were evidently indignant at
being out 30 late and we saw them bite
each other several times"
An elderly lady who was handling
5 a pair of artificial plates in a dental
office and admiring the fiucncy with
f which che dentist described them, asked
. him: "Can body eat with these
; things?" "My dear madam, mastiea-
} ton can be performed with a facility
scarcely equaled by nature herself"
responded the dentist. "Yes, know.
but can body eat with them 7"
If cat doth meet a cat upon the
, garden wall, and if a cat doth greet
tcat, 0, need they both to squall? Ev-
f cry Tommy has his Tabby waiting on
the wall; and yet he welcomes her ap-
proach by an unearthly yawl. And if
a kitten wish to court upon the garden
wall, why don't he sit and sweetly
smile, and not;stand up and bawl, and
lift his precious back up high, and
show his teeth and moan, as if 'twere
collie more than love that made that
fellow groan!
i "A Competent Witness.-"Wil-
liam! Look! Tell US, William, who
made you"
u William, who was considered fool,
screwed up his face and looked
thoughtful, and seemed somewhat be.
wildered.
"Moses, I s'poser'
"That will do," said Counsellor
Grey addressing the court. "The
witness says he supposes Moses made
him; that is an intelligent answer,
more than I thonoht him canahle of