Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1871-09-22
NUMBER 13.
Varieties

. ] Il bidchetnltu OF AlhDainA mas been arrested
for an attempt to - forge"
An African giant feet high is on his way to
America.
London complains of very hot August
humane society recently arrested woman
for beating an egg
Grocers are benevolent people they are sure
to give everything weigh before they sell it.
Some reckless fellow defines tpplng to be
holding communion with disembottled spirits"
proud Detroit boy wouldn't take two cents
reward for finding pocket-bOok
The schooner Columbia and yacht Oracle won
ell the prizes at the Boston regatta.
Do you wish to get up with the lark Then
go to bed without it.
The present style of coifure, though sensible
and becoming, is very generally upbraided.
The life assurance companies of Berlin, Prus-
ia, are insuring lives against the cholera
John Bright is being urged to visit America.
The King Of Burmsh has gone to selling
cotton.
Kansas is overrun with officers in search Of
horse thieves.
A Pennsylvania jury acquitted two men who
had pleaded guilty.
Mrs Michaels, Of Virginia, drowned herselfat
the age Of 10.
While shouting at Kentucky prsyer-meeting
lady fell dead.
An OK ran around in a London glass shop,
but Only broke q milk jug.
The tallest man in Kansas IS six feet nine and
three-fouFths inches high
Illinois railway companies are laying their
tracks with steel tipped rails.
Aa Illinois boy wss killed By getting his head
caught in a wagon wheel.
A son Of Aaron Burr il living in Miami couu-
ty, o., at sn advanced age.
Warwick, n T.. Is nervous about some under
ground lakes beneath the town.
Dexter made good time, but Goldsmith Maid
better.
An English girl has gone without eating for
sixteen months.
The best band 70 accompany = lady vocsiis;-
hus- band.
Minnesota cat nurses a rat.
The birds near Richmond suffer from blind
nefs.
The7 TAX Of running clergyman for Mayor
Of Chicago.
It is said tina; fashionable blondes die eerly
and oi,en. Who knows?
A man in Indiana elliel divorce suit by
dying few minutes si'er being married.
When person declares thst his brain is On
f-e, is II etiquette to blow il out3
An exchange says: The most delicate com
plimeuts are not expressed in words" IL
deed
Why are young ladies go partial to sunset
aud twilight? Becsuss they are daughters Of
Eve.
A Philaielphian while being resc1si from
drowning. was struck on the head by 81 oar and
killed
A Kansas farmer while cutting hsy one day
recently, varied the exercise bv killing a rat
tesnake5
Minnesota workman fell fifty feet. No
bones were broken. but the accident .' created
good dea Of feeling"
One Ct the lsnp-lightsrs Of Milwaukee, Wis :
is little girl Of 10 years who attends to her du-
ties promptly sni in al sorts Of weather.
The Ariz5na Miner knows Of a terrible warn
ing to tetotalers-a man who has a sand bar in
his stomach caused by drinking river water
A woman that marries man simply because
he is good match must no: be surprised if he
turns out a Luciter.
\ HungariAn proverb: The man who on his
. Nr44luE ti-ltk a z 4t4lcAAAl ~ tue laill4J
will never get promoted.
Miss Throckaortou married the Baron Lemme
in New York. They wanted her to marry some
one else, and she sad. '' Lemms alone
A Western paper says that its editor is down
vita the gout. We don't believe it no editor
ever had time to take that or sny other disease
than poverty.
DR.. Pichler, the Russian tibliomsnac, has an
imi-Ator At Augsburg, in the shape Of village
tescher, who has been found to have stolen sew
eral thousand volumes.
\ Maine girl whose lover had last a limb. re-
piled to q companions banter, 4" would not
have man with two legs-they are 60 CON-
mon"
The Russisn ecclesiastical authorities in San
Francisco have given orders for the construction
Of church to be shipped to and erected on St.
Pauls Island, 10 Behring's Sea.
4 summer bosrier a very close ealculstor)
recently sstonishei the landlord by ssking him
how much he was going to deduct from his
board bill, because he had hal two teeth ex-
tracted.
4 young girl Of thirteen, daughter ola veter-
Al land millionaire in the West, has jus, been
presented by her father with gift Of 7,OC0
acres CT land. She is going to make dairy
New departures sre all the rage. The AIissis-
sippi took one the other day, snd cut of thirty
SIX acre lot at Arkansas Bend
a little bit O: a thing, who had just got back
from party, wss asked by her mamma how she
had enjoyed herself Oh mamma 80 she SAID,
''rm so full Of happiness, couldn't he no hrp-
pier, without | vas bigger
An absurd report thst Prof Agassiz has pre-
dfare1 rslaf D. ha1r 10 f,r1f
coast iu October, has sctuAlly Induced some
New Orleans house owners to reduce the rents
ssked for their vacant property
Dr. johnson once silenced a notorious female
bsckbiter, who was eondemning some OF her
friends for painting their cheeks, by the remsrk
that % it is a far less harmful thing for a lady to
redden her own complexion than to blscken her
neighbor's character
4 Nsshus gentleman said to sn Old lady who
hai brought up a family Of children uesr the
river. " should think that you would have
lived IN constant fesr thst some Of them would
have got drowned ' Oh, no" responded the
old lady, we only lost three or four that
way"
laughsbe incident took place in the par
lor Of the Union Hotel, at Saratoga, a day o.
two sgo. Two countrymen were gaping around
the room, when a lady approached wearing
fashionable trail. One Of the party dodged it,
but the other walked straight across il, and on
finding out his error spoogized with, - beg
your pardon, madam | thought you bad passed
some time sgo.'
Don't bother editors when they are busy.
Qulp stepped into the imperial ssnctlm this
morning to ask what he'd better write about
- Write about - gro~ied the disguised chief.
''I think you had better right about face -
Aud be did.
proper vehicle-Tipsy customer a
pint o'whiskey, please sir" Publican "Ye'n
get no mAir whiskey here, McTavish. Haven't
l told you in plsin English Dye want it in
Latin or Greek" Tipsy customer-" No,
thank ye, sh;r: | want it in bozzle.''
Some quarrymen in North Wales recently
found inside an aperture in what seemed to be 3
solid stone, an animal resembling in minstu.e a
cat, which, when brought TO light, was lively
and fnsky, but died in the course Of an hour
II measured from the nose to the end Of the tail
1 IL inches.
The Rev. Robert Thompson, British clergy
man, will, it is said, shortly preach two ser
mons. believed on good authority TO have been
composed by Sir Walter Scott, at Abbotsford, in
1928. for young clerical friend of his own.
&c The Medicine Bear The Man that
Fears the Bear - Little Black Eyes,'' - Skin
of the Heart" and Laundering Bull" are
some of the Indian chiefs whom General Han
cock is trying to conciliste on the plains.
Three remarkable persons have srrived in Vim
cennes, Indiana. They aggregate l.lS5 pounds.
The avOrdupois is distributed as follows Ma
ternal parent, 5S5 pounds sixteen yesr-old |
boy. 425 pounds and an infant phenomenon, 1
of the female persuasion, l75 pounds.
Commercial intercourse between Alssce and .
Germany is proceeding favorsbly. Large orders !