Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-02-25

Brevities.
A CAPITAL Spirit-Old Tom.

Fall down in the mud.
A good peculiari,y of shomakers is,
that they hold on to the last.
$50 much for bucking'em,' as the
young man said when he feug ght with
the tiger.
Can man be said to speak " feeling
ly" when his Grafton touches the au-
dience 2"
Why should a spider be good corr
res pondent ? Because he drops line
by every post,
Out West when q notoriously lazy
man is caught at work, they say he 10
" meddling with industry"
IF it takes four nails to make quar-
ter how many carpet tacks will it take
to get up ten dollar bill
Women have actually no rights. A
Troy Judge has decided that a woman
cannot steal from her husband.
IF Wis. girls remain unmarried at
the age of Is. they are encouraged by
their families to commit suicide.
"S Say, Smith, where have you been
for week back 81 haven't been any
where for it. l haven't got a weak
back"
Let woman once think you uncon
querable, and, unless she is nnlike all
other women, she will still want to con-
quer you.
Young swell" say, boy, what do
you do with your clothes when you
have worn them out 7" Boy" Wears
'em'ome again"
off you cannot inspire woman
with love Of you, fill her above the brim
with love of herself; and all that runs
over will be yours.
Lesson in geography. Schoolmarm,
to little Josie +" Where is the North
Pole, Josie ?" "Top of the map
marm," replied the pupil.
Zenia, Ohio, girls have q pleasing
habit of kissing strangers in the street
aud then wildly screaming. ooh, my
thought 1t was cousin Charlie y
| "Father, do ships make nails ?" mo
! my son, why do you ask 7" " Because
I heard our captain say the ship made
two tacks within the last half hour
The mother of o large family was
one day asked the number of her child,
rem. " La, me-" she replied rocking to
girls"
A good deal of tie consolation Offer
ed in the world is about as solacing as
the assurance of man 10 his wife when
she fell into the river You'll hnd
ground at the bottom, my dear.
Hearing physician remark that q
: small blow would break the nose, o rus.
) ic exclaimed, Well, dunno 'abou,
!, that. I've blowed my nose number OF
!, times, and never broke it yet."
: MORE RECONSTRUCTION Wash.
! ington correspondent, of Jan. 30tt
: says:
. The bill of Senator Morton, reopen.
= ing the subject OF disorders in tn,
South has resulted ina committee. which
will spend considerable time. and invoiv
s ing report probably to be tho basis oil
authorizing Executive interference.
] PUBLIC DEBr.-The debt statement
0 for Feb. l, says the total debt, princi,
: pie and interest, is s2,451 ,931 ,OO6
e cash in the Treasury, $113, ,894, ,289
r debt less cash in the Treasury, S2,328,,
!, 026, ,807-a reduction during Jan. o.
t "a ,040,986 Is; coin balance, 500 9,O66,.
q 500; currency, s24,s27,7ss 81.
A prudent man advised his drunker
j servant to put by his money for rainy
/ day. In few weeks his master inquired
> bow much be had saved. Faith, non,
! at ALL" said he, I" it rained yesterda,
: and it all went"
Thompson is not going to do any,
thing more in connundrums. He re
Gently asked his wife the difference be,
! tween his head and a hogshead, anc
. she said there was none. He says thai
!, is not the right answer and left.
Houskeepers who are bothered BY
the domestic "help" question, may de-
e rive some consolation from the fact that
! it bittered the life of the great Beeth.
!, oven His diary for 1920 shows that
he had new kitchen maid, on an ay
erage, of once q month.
A class in Sunday School was told
by the teacher to learn someth ing ne
TO tell him before the next Sunday
One little boy said the next Sunday
upon inquiry of the teacher, whether
he had learned anything. eyes, sir>ee. "
" Well, what is it? "I've learned to
never trump my partners ace"
"Pa. hns the world got tail ?" ask
ed an urcnin Of his father.
"No, child" replied the father
? how could it have tail when it is
round !?