Mower County transcript., 1871-06-29
NUMBER II.
HUMOROUS.
"A good tonic for debilitatcd young
A better tonic-ironing.

"A good tonic for debilitatcd young
ladies-iron. A better tonic-ironing.
"A man commenting upon the ruins of
v.upvn o.i.;;I !: i. VS. {. ,.iy imposing city,
but very much out of repair
"A New York editoris court,ng an un-
timely grave by speaking Of ex Congress-
man Sweat, of Maine, as ex-Congrtssman
Perspiration.
-Inproof of the Darwinian theory, an
infantile visitor to the Central Park Mu
scum recently insisted that fine monkey
looked like his grandfather!
Didn't you say, sir, that this horse
wouldn't shy before the fire of an enemy?"
" No more he5won't; it isn't till after the
fire he SHES"
Latest Railway Marvel-Gent. II
say, Porter, when does the next train
start?" Porter. "The next train Sure,
the mkt train has gone tin minutes ago"
There has been an item gong around
about hen in Boston laying eggs so small
that twenty -one Of them were put in
collar box at once That looked like
pretty small business for an able bodied
hen until the author of the story was dis
covered. He said it was horse.collar box
he meant.
The St. Louis Dispatch is shocked at
the bad manners of some of the boarders
it knows of, and reads them the following
little lecture: "Don't say pass the krout,'
Or shove along the hash; ; we'll conducted
boarders always say, will you be so kind
as to escort the lObscouse hitherward.'
An enterprising youngster Of New
York, aged five years, has beaten even the
philosophic farmer who recommends poor
young men to take $3.50, etc. Telling his
mother how the family could have all the
butter it wanted, he said, "You just take
long stick with cross at the end of it {;
then you get big tub; and then you Dor.
roo q c0ao."
The f1ashy owner OF crow bait span
was complaining to some bystanders that
he did not know what was the matter with
his horses. He had tried everything he
could hear of-Condition Powder and all
other specifics; but to no purpose. They
aoould not improve in flesh. A stable boy
Of Irish persuasion, whose sympathies
were aroused by the story, comprehended
the situation, and modestly asked: "Did
yees iver try corny"
"A California lady thus relates how
she gave otfense to one of the party &C
companying the English High Commits
sioners. She was praising the Golden
State. CAV yes," said the gentleman,
'' fine place, no doubt, but shouldn't care
to live there, you know. You have earth
quakes there, and they are such shocking
nuisances." The lady laughed and said to
by -stander, "What an excellent joke
He calls earthquakes shocking nuis-
ances" "Madam," said the supposed
wit, moving away with offended dignity,
IL neuer pun"
An amusing "printer's blunder" oc-
CURED few days ago in a London news.
paper. 1t had been speaking in the high.
est terms of new tenor-a r0ra dois of q
tenor, who had delighted and entranced
all hearers. The criticism was gorgeous
but it ended with "he was sentenced to
three years penal servitude, 80 that soci
ETY. will for some time be freed from the
infiction of his presence!' The astound
ing assertion was simply due to the fact
that the end of paragraph about po
lice case had been lifted" and left at the
bottom of the critique, to which it formed
such an incongruous pendant. Z.
"A colored man amused himself in
Evansville, Ind, the other day by swing
ing from hook suspended in an ice house
for the hosting and lowering Of ice Sud.
denly, by some mishap, he missed his
hold on the hook and fell into the deep
ice cellar, depth of some fifteen to twenty
feet, and lit" on his head and shoulders
OF course those who saw it expected to
find him dead; but when they looked in
at the door he sat scratching his head with
a foolish look on his face, first examining
the broken ice where he fell, and then
measuring the distance with his eye up
ward to where he fell from. When he
saw the proprietor of the establishment
he looked very sorrowful and said, "I'se
sorry, boss, broke dat ice, is, sartin.