The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-09-24
Morning Star and Catholic Messenger.
NEW ORLEANS, SUNDAY. 6EPTEMBER "a. ISL.
WIT AND WISDOM,
WIT AND WISDOM.


Transported for life-The man who mar
ries happily.
Teetotallers are we'll supplied; toPers
leave we'll alone.
To Young campaigners-1f your tent is
not waterproof you should pitch 1t.
Women do not talk more than men.
THEY'RE listened to more, that's all.
When q person declares that his brain is
on fire, il it etiquette to blow it Quit
What thing is that which the more we
cut it the longer it grOwsf grave.
WHY ia the letter H like cure for deaf
nessf Because it makes the ear hear.
Why is chicken-pie Ike q gunsmith-
shopf Because it contains fowl-in-pieces.
A reckless party, recently sold mp, said
his goods were more easily moved than he
was.
Fashionable bootmakers can't always
cure ladies' boots if they are bad but they
heal them.
WHY are fowls the most profitable things
to kept Because for every grain they
give peck.
The wit of conversation consists more in
finding it in others than in showing great
deal yourself.
It does not follow, because a man spends
his money like water, that be need liquid
ate his debts.
Money is great lever in the affairs of
man so great lever some of US can
never keep it.
: Extraordinary feat of strength.-A man
recently knocked down an elephant. He
was an auctioneer.
Horses sometimes use their legs to win a
cup. and horse owners often use the cup
aud lose their legs.
Wbv is an uneaven number equal to O
Quick motion of the eyelidsf Because an
odd is as good as wink.
Texas has new game in cards-one holds
q revolver, the other holds the cards, and a
coroner holds the inquest.
"Gently the dews are DER me stealing"
as the man said when he had five due bills
presented to him at one time.
An artist recently painted q winter scene
so true to nature, that child, which slept
near it, was nearly frozen to death.
If we insist OF proof for everything, we
shall never come to action; to act you must
assume, and that assumption is faith.
A coquette treats a man like bouquet
carries him about for q certain time for
amusement OF show, and then picks him to
pieces.
Why do men not wear corsets Because
Jonah, having surrounded himself by whale
bone for three days, found that he could
not stay.
Wise men mingle mirth with their cares,
as help either to forget OF overcome them;
but to resort to intoxication for the ease of
ones mind, ia to cure melancholy by mad
ness.
When we are young we are slavishly en-
ployed in procuring something whereby we
may live comfortably when we grow old
and when we are old we perceive it is too
late to live as we proposed.
Charles Lamb, sitting down once to play
,sok1 vsk WI m q We
dirty, said, after looking at them for some
time, Well, Eiiiston, if dirt were trumps
what hand you would have"
In response to the inquiry of scientific
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. comes fieasf west
ern journal says it does not care a nickle,
but would like to know where in thunder
they 60 to when you go for them.
Unpoetical reply-A hardy seaman who
had escaped one Of the recent shipwrecks
on our coast, was asked by a good lady
how he felt when the waves broke over him.
He replied, "Wet, ma'am-very wet"
"You are beautiful, and adore your
said gentleman to the belle of the even
ing. "For my part, hate you: and think
you frightful," she retorted. 81 believe
you, You frank girl. You do not tell polite
falsehoods, like me-"
A dyspeptic and melancholy young pro-
fessional man once bewailed his prospects
to q friend, and said he " didn't see how he
should ever get through the world" "Did
you ever know any one to stop on the way 2"
was the grave and consoling reply.
The following is from the Ierre Haute
Mail: "If the party who plays the accor-
deon in this vicinity at nights will only
change his tune occasionally, or sit where
we can -scald him when the engine has
steam on, he will hear of something to his
advantage"
A Western paper tells the story of a man
who, having gone into a heavy purchase of
pork on a falling MARKET was overheard
praying in the following style: so, Lord,
for my sake Just advance hogs one cent per
hundred, and won't pay but four dollars
per hundred any more. Amen"
Queries.-Of what crime is a carver most
guilty OF stealing his knife. What parts
of the body are most useful to carpenters z
The nails. When does a man impose upon
himselff When he taxes his memory.
When is water most liable to escape When
it is only half-tide. What dress is most
durable9 A habit.
Discouraged" The cow" said the en-