Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-06-02
EHunlOr.

Our domestic s-logwood and water.
Mutual friends-kerosene and coroners.
A paper that takes-a sheriff's warrant.
The best of friends must part--their
hair.
A doctors motto is, supposed to be pa
tents and long suffering
A joint affair with but single party to
it-Rheumatism.
Why are hogs like trees? Because they
root for living.
Gravity is no more evidence of wisdom
than paper collar is Of a shirt.
That man who does the most has the least
time to talk about it.
Happiness can be made quite as we'll out
Of cheap materials as of dear ones.
An apethecary sent in bill to a widow
which ran thus: ITO curing your husband
till be died.
Every man has his weak side; and it is
very often the case that this weak side is
the best part Of a man.
The reason why editors have their man.
ners spoiled, is because they receive SO many
evil communications.
Why are types like criminals? Because it
is not proper to lock them up without taking
proof.
Young ladies, do not too soon pronounce
your lover duck, lest you should after
wards discover him to be goose
A doctor was asked to dance the "Lan-
GERS" He declined, but he expressed a
willingness to lance the dancers.
A four year old hearing his mother won
der where all the water had gone, replied,
I guess the Good Templars have drank it
all up
The man who married three sisters in sue
cession, excused himself on the ground that
he had got off with only one mother-in-
law.
Grandma, said shrewd child, do you
want some candy? yes, dear, I should like
some 'Then, if you buy some, Til give
Jou uh1l. pdlQ UIIy.
The darkest day in mans career is
wherein he faneies there is some easier way
of getting dollar than by squarely earn
ing it.
Ii you wish to know how many friends
you have, get into Office; if you wish to
know how many friends you haven't, get
into trouble.
1t is singular how pious new clothes make
people. For whole menth after the Miss.
es Flirt get new mantllas they are at church
three times day.
A student at Yale started the class at
recitation the other day. What stars new.
er set? asked the professor. 'Roostars ? was
the prompt reply.
An insolvent debtor failed SO badly once
that he could not even pay his addresses
to his lady love, and she had so give him
his discharge
A negro, after gazing at some Chinese,
shook his head aud solemnly said If de
white folks be SO dark as dat out dar. won
der what's de color of de black folks?'
A man who stepped into basket of eggs
was arrested for cruelty to incipient ami
mails, but he plead not guilty, because, he
said, be was merely freeing them from their
yolks
Mr.. Jones told his wife, the other day,
that if she did not take care he should lose
his temper with her She replied she was
glad to hear of it, and only hoped he would
never find it again.
A Maine man has invented new spring
bed; it is wound up at night and set to the
hour one desires to arise, on the arrival Of
which it turns the occupant out on the floor
and eurls itself up hammock fashion,
A reverend divine being accused Of neg.
ligence in his calling. and styled an unfait6.
full shepherd, from scarcely ever visiting hi.
flock, defended himself by saying that he
was always with them at shearing time
A newly married man complains of til,
high price of ducks He says his wife re
Gently paid for three of them-a duck of
bonnet duck of a dress and duck Of
uarasol. He says that such dealings il
poultry will ruin him. -
A youngster. while perusing chapter il
Genesis, turning to his mother, inquired
neople IL those days used to do sums upo
the ground. 1t was discovered that he ha'
been reading the passage, And the sons