Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1871-03-17

And my language is plain,
That for ways that are dark
And for tricks that are vain,
The heather Chinee is peculiar
Which the same / am free to maintain.
spirit of the press glass of
cider.
Love is an eternal transport. So
IS canal boat.
Nearly all the speculations of bank
officers have ended by leaving off the
first letter Of that word.
Why is thunderstorm like an on
ion? Because it is peal on peal.
Why is young lawyer like ma
tional currency? Because he is lie
al tender. and somewhat green.
a shoemaker writes us that he
is not Only willing to give woman her
rights, but her rights and lefts -
That is his last joe. Witty man!
\ Western editor. going home late.
saw ga young lady ana gentleman
holding gate on its hinges. They
were evidently indignant at being out
so late, and we saw them bite each
other several times"
Loss Of a China packet-shipr
exclaimed Il liberal minded old lady
as she laid down a newspaper. i
should think so. when not even iron
ones are always safe !"
\ newspaper reporter told Of tie
twin roses of health AMI beauty" on
the ''bcny face" of a bride II
meant bonny. unless he had been too
IN lustriously Interview ing soG:c Boni-
f'ce.
IN item in an account sued upon
ir W.Haiskick County. Iowa. Is TO-
FOR burning . hoe il my val aud
dancing therein. e10." This accur-
renee must have taken place on 4 Eol-
jday
Tie hen with aAeeu dollars Of gold
in hor eizzqrd has just been killed ont
IN Wisconsin Good chance Tor poul-
nv raisers to get VI prize hens" for
the market, with gold pieces. Attic
zorro iewelry and watches for prizes.
a prize IN each hen"
Among the names of places in
Michigan are Ghost Lake" Ret
tlesnal,e Swamp" "GaIlows Hill.'
. Whi,key Station" '.Jackkn fe
Ridge" ''Cutthroat Creek" Bet
scy's Bridge" and old Woman's
Mask"
"You must have lived here n long
time" said a travelling Enolishma an
to an old Oregon pioneer. Yes. sir.
[ have Do YOU see thet mountain
Well. when / came here that momtain
WIS hole in the groundr' The
opened his half shut ewes
The following words actually form
cd the peoratian of the ccunsePs plea
for his client in an assault and battery
case in Athens, Alabama LET the
humble ass crop tho thistle of the
valley! Let the 81 gacious goat brow,
upon the morntain's brow. but. ger
tlemen of the jury, say John Gun
die is not guilty"
\ young lady Of Troy advised
gentleman friend not to take hat-irOns
to bed with him, as thew would warp
his feet The stupid follow did not
know enough to take the hint and
propose.
Some naughty boys in Penn Yam.
the other dav, ornamented an old.
poor, gothic framed horse. hitched to
an awning post, with a stolen card
sign which read: Oats wanted
inquire within"
a lady in London got the idea into
her head that the devil was in her.
and hung herself. If women 90 to
hanging themselves for little thing
like that they are going to be mighty
scarce, that's all.
Mrs. Darlington was asked, what
church do you 90 TOP TO any par
Odoxical church," said the old lady. |
looking over her spectacles. ''where /
the divine word is dispensed with"
Atone ofhis lectures. George Francis /
Train shouted. ''Now, then, anybody /
can ask me questions" And crazy
Nancy got up and said, Mr.. Train, /
[ would like to know what makes a
pot leg always burn in two in the mid |
dle?" The great American traveller /
was nonplussed. He was not familiar ,
with the phe-..cc,c:''.