Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-02-14
-Las7aCh for Haesaog.Ssts.

A bug that fourishes all the year round
Humbug.
Many men are worth nothing, and some are
worthless.
Pitch darkness has been SO improved as to
read "bltumlnous obscurlty.
"Kasper; or, the Kross- Eyed Karpenter of
Kalamazoo" is the title of sensational story
published in Jersey paper.
We are told that General Butler has be-
come the mouth of the administration. Then
the administration now has mouth that is as
dirty as its hands.
Jones, who wears his pocketbook on the left,
not only does not let his right hand know what
his left hand doeth but he goes further. He
does not let his right hand do anything for
fear his right hand might know it
An old lady, walking with her two grown
daughters, on moonlight night, displayed her
knowledge of astronomy by pointing heaven
ward, and excIaiming: "Oh, my dears, do look
at them beautiful stars, Juniper and Mars
Skinfint who gives nothing to street beg
CARS, buttoned his pocket on being approach
ed By soldier, and said: Ny dear fellow.
never can repay the debt [ owe you-the debt
we all owe you for your noble sef-sacrfce !
With this patriotic utterance he walked away
A man stopped at Hotel out West, and on
settliog his bill found that the landlord had
charged him ST day for FIVE days Didn't
you make q mistake p said the guest mo. -
said the landlord. You did, retorted the
wry-looking fellow: You thought you got all
the money [ had, bat you are mistaken: have
a whole pursefull in another pocket"
One of our young acquaintances, not long
SINCE was endeavorIng to enjoy an evening in
the company of a young lady, fair and enter
tanning, upon whom he called, but found Sc
rious obstacle in the person of her stern and
not very cordial father, who at length ventured
to very plainly intimate that the hour for re-
firing had arrived. Il think you are correct,
my dear sir. returned the bashful young man.
I'VE have been waiting to have you go to bed
for over an hour :"
QUITE JUST Doctor F. was the Presi-
dent of Southern college, and protested to be
very grammatical in the use of his language,
and therefore expected his pupils to be like
wise Playing cards was strictly forbidden on
the premises; but, as is always the case, this
law is often violated by the students without
being detected A number of freshmen col
lected together in Que Of the numbers room,
and were enjoying game of euchre, when a
knock was heard at the door,
Who there 2 enc exclaimed.
"Me.'' was the laconio reply.
"W hos me?''
Professor r"
''You lie Ha. ba, he Professor F. would
not say ''me," he'd say, 1T is I, SIR
The old professor turned his back and went
off, knowing that they had him there.
PATS DEIrY.-Pat was but an idle boy one
day be was suddenly called up and the question
propounded by the pedagogue
Patrick, how many Gods ara there 2"
Pat was not distinguished theologian, but
he promptly answered, Three, sir, -
Take your seat!'' Numbered the master,
''and if you don't answer in five minutes,
will welt you
The probationary period passed, and Pat ia
king the floor hesitatingly stated the number
Of Gods to be five, SIR He received the
promised "welting," and returned to bis seat,
ten minutes, for consideration.
Ten minutes up, Pat was up, too, and salts
fed that he hadn't fixed the number sufficient
~ high before, shouted out
There ten, sir
He saw the terule descending, and broke out
of the door, he cleared FIVE rail fence and run
like quarter horse across the meadow. Pant
ing with exertion, he met a lad with book in
his hand, and with look of one in the pursuit
of knowledge under difficulties
"Where are you going /" asked Pat
ITO school yonder." was the reply
''How many Gods are there?'
Zone, answered the boy.
"Well, you d better not go down there You
will have good time with your one God. [
just left there with ten, and that wasn't enough
to save me from the darn dest licking you ever
heard or