The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1871-10-13

Hid, Aldbelllltt, ebill OAlll PAO W VII
a husband. Are the Woman-WOmen
satisfied now?
Doctor Ito reduced patient -
Have you taken any remedy yetP
No; but I've taken lots ofmedicineF
A cynical lady, rather inclined to
firt, says most men are like cold
very easily caught, but very diff
cult to get rid of.
Josh Billings says; Neyerdo any
work before breakfast. If it is nee
essary to work before breakfast,
have your breakfast first.
It is said that Andrew johnson
with his Postmaster General Ran
dali is going to Wisconsin to
swing around the circle for Dolittle.
The fellow who called tight boots
comfortable, defended his position
by saying they made a man forget
all his other miseries.
A Vermont paper speaks of a min
lister who hasresigned his 'pasturate.'
His last sermon might have had for
it's text, "AIl flesh is grass!'
"Have not Alright to be saucy, if
l pleaseY' asked q young lady of an
old bachelor. "Yes, if you please,
but not ifyou displease," was the an
swer.
There is a report that two Of the
old Red Stockings have joined a
choir. One of them oflciates as
short stop on the organ, and the 9TH
er sings third base.
Josh Billings define a thurrur-
bred Dizziness man as "Wun that
knows eduff about steelin' so there
kant enybody steel from him, and
enuf about law so that he kan do
his stealin' legally"
The gentleman who purchased the
new book, "The Coming Races y
was disappointed in finding nothing
about trotting in it. He declares the
title is a barefaced swindle.
It's gratifying to learn that phoso-
rescence in fishes is due to the fact
that the oxygen of the atmosphere
penetrates the skin and acts upon the
subeutaneOus adipose tissue.
Bachelors toast-"Woman-the
morning star of infancy, the DAY
star of manhood, and the evening
star of age. Bless our stars, and
may they alwaysb be kept at telescope
distancep'
A gentleman who got home {
night or two since in an elevated
condition, tried to persuade his wifi
that his desultory gait was owing
to the fact of his being dressed il
diagonal clothes.
One of the candidates lately be
fore a County Board of Examina
ton gave the following definition G
the word phlebotomy: "Ph'ebotomy
pertaining to the bottom Of a phlee.
An eccentric clergyman latel
said In one Of his sermons that aboU
the "commonest proof we have tha
a man is made of clay is the brio
so often found in his hat"
A man whose wife hanged hersel
in his presence, on being asked VIII
he did not prevent the tragedy re
piled: 81 cut her down three time
last week and 1 can't be always cut
ting her down."
A man passing through a gatewa
in the dark hit his nose against tn
post. Il wish that post was in hell,
said he. Better wish it someWhel
else" said a bystander, "you migl
run against it again. .
A reverend gentleman in Pittsfel
| has received from his attached pa
ishoners a touching and expressly
token of their good wishes in tt
form of charming burial site in
newly established cemetery.
"NIr Speaker" said member {
the Jamaica Legislature, discussin
a bill for the regulation Of the lun
! Der trade. 81 know these lumber me-
chants to be the most egregious RAJ
cals-l was in the timber line my
self twelve years" ;"
A parson, reading the first line o
so of a chapter in the Bible, tn
clerk bv some mistake or othel
read it after him. The parson rea
as follows: "Moses was an austeT
man. and made atonement for th
sins of the people" The clerk, mil
understanding him, spoke thus
ssAloses was an oysterman, and mad
ointment for the shins Of his pee
pie"
A minister asked little boy VIII
had been converted, 'Does not Il
devil tell you that you are NJ
a Christian?" "Yes, sometimes
"We1, what do you say to him?" 8
tell him" replied the boy, with som,
thing of ofLuther's spirit, "that,whetl
er I am a Christian or not, it's non
of his husinegs.