Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1871-07-20

nv JOSH BILLINGS.

], pa By JOSH BILLINGS.
rss .rs are a singular grain, perhaps l
Il ~ I'D cav plural, bekauze thare IL more
nv gov GRO on the top ov straw, about
foot and one-quarter inches hi, and
ars straw IL boiler.
aa rS0 straw IL interesting for its suck
, ,;si eho-t nieces ov it, about inches, or So
aa.s into the buZzum ov sherry cobbler,
ea snckshun up the entire cobbler in 4
80 nnitts, bi the watch.
''iMaq never hay tried this, but kno lots ov
-! ,,no and reliable men, who stand around
h;H ,dy to prove this, if sum boldly will
a !. ci On the cobbler.
This suckshun liz sed to be ded sure
. bats gro on the summit ov sum straw,
css 4 are sharp at both ends.
mhs They resemble shu pegs in looks, and
ar I'D. and it il sed, are often mistaken tor
- EN- by near sighted bosses and shuma-
.as don't intend this remark az any deroga
1a; .eness to shumakers in the lump, for i
ls 90 often sed, in mi inspired moments,
s5 couldn't be 0 shumaker, would like
'hs be good lawyer.
all! Oats are phuny grain, quarts ov them
Nj hi make even q stage boss laff, and when
y d stage boss laffs, you may know he is
DIT ckled somewhere.
This il the natur Ov oats az beverage,
on amuZe the stummuck ov the boss
% IN their sharp ends, and then the boss
4 ifs.
ls hay never saw boss laff, but hav
v eard that it could be did.
81 Tbare il CRATE menny folks, ov good
oral karakter, who wont believe emmy
inc unless they kan see it, theze kind ov
lk are always the eazyest to cheat.
J They wont behave rattle snaiks blight
nixon until they tri it j; this kind ov in
~ rmashun alwus kosts more than it liz ak
a ally worth.
N It IL mid(Aing wize man who profits
hiz own experience, but it IL good
pal wizer one, who lets the rattlesnaik
ght the other phellow.
The Goddess ov korn liz also the God
kss ov oats, and barley, and buckwheat
Her name liz Series, she liz astrological
oman, and like menIy wimmen now q
re, she il hard to lokate.
ork well enough in poetry, WHARF good
eal Of Icing don't hurt the sense, but
then YOU come right down to korn in the
NJ OF oats in the bundle, all the gods and
s bddeses in the world, kant warrant
d bod crop.
II takes labor to raize oats, and thrash
g hem out, but ov all the lazy cusses that
ed bsy pestered the earth since Adam was a
bow, the gods, and the goddesses, hav al
Ways been too lazy.to SWEET.
Emmy being who haint never SWEET, don't
o. kno what he is worth.
would like to see a whole parcel ov
kheze gods, and goddesses, in harvest
h Eeld, reaping lodged oats, in the month of
n august; they couldn't earn their pepper
PASS.
Oats are sold bi weight or mcclure, and
IRE seldum Tor perhaps may say in conf
aence never sold by count.
Eggs, and money, are counted out, but
bats never.
II would be well for nu beginners to re-
member this, it would save them good
deal of time on every hundred bushels ov
oats.
Time il said tew be the same az money,
II this IL positively so, Methuseler died
rtch.
Methuseler was exackly 900 years old
when he died, now multipli this bi 1865,
which would only be allowing him dol
Lar day for hiZ time, and yu will find just
what he waZ worth.
Oats are worth from 40 to rs cents
bushel, ackording tew their price, and amt
good for mulch, only tew tickle boss.
They will choke goose to deth quicker
than paper ov pins, and ennything that
will choke goose to deth ii mean on the
< internal side Ov their thruD IL, to say the
least ov it, very skarse.
Speaking ov goose, hav found out at
last what makes them 30 tuf, 1t IL staying
4 out 30 mulch in the cold.
found this out all alone by miself.
Oats are a very easy krop tew raize.
IN All WI hav got to do, to raiZe oats, IL to
plough the ground deep, then manure it
we'll, then sprinkle the oats all over the
ground, one in place, then worry the
a ground with drag all over, then set up
n mites to keep the chickens, and wood
81 chucks out oy them, then pray for some
rain, then kradle them down with kradle,
n then rake them together with rake, then
bind them up with band, then stack
them up with stack, then thrash them
4 out with fail then clean them up with
4 mill, then sharpen both ends ov them with
knife, then stow them away in granery,
then spend wet days, and Sundays, trap
ping for rats, and mice
1t amt nothing but plum to raise oats
tryit.
One ov the best ways tew raize sure
crop ov oats, and tew git good price for
| the crop, IL tew feed quarts ov them TO
| shanghi rooster, then murder the rooster
suddenly, and sell him for 20 cents