The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-22


A little boy, three years old, who
has little brother of three months,
gave reason for the latter's good con-
duct-"Baby dosen't cry tears, because
he donsen't drink any water, and he
can't cry milk"
A Bainbridge serenader, who mourn
fully warbled, 81 am lonely tonight.
love, without thee" had his loneliness
alleviated by number Of dogs, who
made it lively enough for him the bal
ance of the night.
PATTY" lady called little girl
who was in the parlor, ''did you tell
your mother that l was here?" "Yes,
m" answered Patty, demurely. Sand
what did she say?" "She said, 'Oh,
that dreadful woman again"
At recent wedding in Rhinebeck,
as the clergyman reached the part of
the ceremony, 81 now pronounce you"
"a fish peddler in the street shouted
"5ull heads bull" !" TO the amusement
of some and the CONSERVATION of 9TH
ers present on the occasion.
The ties used on the South American
railways have been transported almost
entirely from California, as the hard.
wood ties cut on the Andes cannot be
used without boring the spike. holes
with augers. The ties cost one dollar
each landed at Collao.
The physicians of the Health De-.
partment in New York, in reporting
the mortality of that city to the
Boa-d, begins: 81 have the honor to
report the following deaths" This is
like the sheriff who wrote: 81 have
the pleasure to inform you that you
are appointed deputy to assist in the
hanging of John Smith,"
The Chicago Times likenS Chicago
to the man who earned dollar, or
Just as much as and no more than it
cost him to live. He might live six
working days, but the seventh, the
Sabbath, he must work or cease to live.
The Times says: snow, every man
who has capital invested in Chicago,
is in exactly this situation. The av'
erage profit which his capital will earn
at the present time, does not exceed
five and half per cent. per annum;
and five and a half per cent. per an
mum ia exactly what government, Of
oDe kind or another, takes away, in
the shape of taxes, from all capital in
vested in Chicago"
l gave her rose and gave her IL
ring and / asked her to marry me then;
but she sent them all back, insensible
thing and said she'd had no notion of
men. l told her I'd oceans of money
and goods, tried to frighten her with n
growl; but she answered that she
wasn't brought up in the woods to be
scared by the screech of an owl.
called her beggar, and everything
bad sighted her features aud form;
till at leugth | succeeded in getting
her mad, and she ragged like a sea in II
storm. And then, in q moment turn
cd and | smiled and called her my an-
gel and all she fell in my arms Ikea
wearisome child and exclaimed; "We
will marry this fall" ..
Western papers seem 10 vie with
each other in telling the biggest snake
stories. An Arkansas paper notes the
killing Of snake lSteet long and %
inches in circumference. Then a Mis-
souri, paper comes along with snake
90 feet long 36 inches in circumference.
But not to be outdone, the Kansas
Statesnlas put in its claim for the snake
championship by giving an account of
snake SS feet long and 4S inches
around the body, covered with scales
like fish, and having a yellowish, sui.
phureous tint aud smell. But now
comes along Chicago paper, aud says
they have a snake 400 feet lsng and
200 feet round the tip If the tail, and
asks, as a mathematical problem, how
muCh ID will mcoSurh rOuD1 tho ,raisN