The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-09-19
H U M oRoUs ITEMS
R6s~ A California hotel has a vase la
beled I" 9th picks"

Ray A California hotel has a vase la
beled 9th picks"
nay" A teacher of vocal music asked
an old lady if her grandson had an ear
for music. really don't know, you
can take the candle and see."
Bay A Georgia man has been the fa-
ther Of fifty-six children. He also chews,
smokes, and drinks quite freely, and is
very well, thank you, at the age of 80.
pD- A begging tramp of mouldy ap-
pearance having applied to one of our
houses for something to relieve his dis
tressing needs, the benevolent lady there
of handed him piece of soap.
Bs5~ An honest country parson, who in
the time of great drouth, was desired
to pray for rain, answered "I'll willing
ly do it to oblige you, but it is to no pur-
pose while the wind is in this quarter"
RsS- A man named Pepper gave par
ty, and one of his guests, on entering
the room, exclaimed, My dear Mr.. Pep
per, how glad you must be to see your
friends mustered !"
DsS- A stranger meeting a man in the
streets OF Boston few days since, rough
ly accosted him with, " Here L want to
go TO the fremont House p The delib-
crate reply was, Well, you can go, if
you won't be gone long"
9eS- A little bit of thing, who had
just got back from party, was asked by
her mamma how she had enjoyed herself
90 mamma" I'm so full of happiness
I couldn't be no happier, without I
was bigger"
sa~ A young lady who after kissing a
two year old boy made the remark, "I
love to kiss little boys" was exceedingly
surprised by little five year old girl in
quiring if she didn't like to kiss big
boys too?
BU- A child who abominates dogs,
when told that God made everything,
earnestly asked, Did he make dogs
too 7" When told that he did, she ca
gerly inquired if he made them out of
bark?
R4- A friend of ours was travelling
while afflicted with very bad cough
He annoyed his fellow travellers greatly
till one of them remarked in a tone of
displeasure, Sir, that is very bad
cough you have ?" "True sir" replied
our friend, but you will excuse met
is the best l have got"
bdr A very smart boy, on his return
from college, attempted to prove that two
were equal to three. Pointing to roast
ed chicken on the table, he said, " Is not
that one ?" and then pointing to another,
&C Is not that two ? and do not two and
one make three ?" Whereupon his father
said, "Wife, you take one and I'll take
the other, and our smart boy can have
the third for his dinner"
s6s- An invalid once complained to
his neighbor of shanghai which the
latter kept. The bird was a terrible nui-
sance, and gave him no peace day or
night. But" said the skeptical owner,
" my cock only crows four or five times a
day. 1 don't see how that can annoy
you so much" Because" replied the
sufferer, you don't take into account
all the times when am expecting him
to crow"
H@- " Katarina, like to know who
gief you de privilege dat you shall go
and spent me fife cent for to puy that
ploo ribbon vat you got died arount your
vaterfallsf You want to preak up my
pizziness, eh? / pet you dem tings don't
nafer happen again in dis family, because
[ scalp you down SO fat as you can't
slant, amt it'll" "Coom Shake" turn
ing to friend, "let's go +; lent us a half
tollar, and go on shpree out init de
Scheutzen."
p6S- A well-known gentleman Of Bos-
ton having occasion to execute piece Of
writing, entered prominent drinking sa-
oon with friend, and asking the land
ord to furnish him with pen and ink was
politely accommodated. Having compile
ed his task and lacking the wherewithal
70 recompense Boniface, by patronizing
he house, he got off the following:
Thanks, my friend, for your ink and bottle,
have nothing in turn to bestsw;
Though there's plenty Of dust in my throttle,
There Is none in my pocket below.
The genial proprietor Immediately
aw the point, and laughing, invited the
,oet to ioin him In a smile . which he