Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-06-30
HuInOr.

HumOr.
An Irshman calls his sweetheart honey
because she is 'bee-loved.'
An Irishman's definition of nothing-a
footless stocking, without any leg.
Water truism-every drop in the sea Of
life imagines itself an ocean
Drunkenness turns man out of himself
and leaves an animal in his room.
A bug that fourishes at all seasons of the
year, and in all climates-humhug.
1t was one of Douglas Jerold's fayorite
sayings that lin the midst OF life we are in
debt
Marriage-an altar on which man lays
his pocket book, and woman her love-let-
tiers.
There is a landlord in this city SO mean
and exacting, that he sees a rent even in
cloud
Why are modern bellies like burglars?
Because they destroy the finest of locks by
powder.
Why is good husband like dough p
Doughn't you know? Why it is because
woman needs him.
HER OBJECT. Jerrold says Eve
ate the forbidden fruit that she might have
the pleasure of dressing.
The charge Of Judge is often hard to
stand; that of battalion harder still; that
of money-lender hardest of all.
4 thought you told me. doctor, that
Smiths fever had gone Off oh, yes, but
it and Smith went off together
Father, won't you buy me fish pole?'
said a pious boy; You know the bible says.
spare the rod and spoil the child!
It is singular that when a mans accounts
are in the most crooked condition, he is said
to be in Strengthened circumstances.
A Missouri paper says it always prints
marriages and deaths together, as an init
nation that misfortunes never come singly.
Husband, must have some change to-
day.' We'll, stay at home and take care
of the children; that will be change enough
Never mind the obituary, Judge said a
culprit when the court became pathetic in
pronouncing sentence, 'lets fix the time for
the funeral
The Chicago Times, in ohronicling the
fact that man there married to get out of
iail remarks that some chaps have queer
idea of liberty.
Fame is like young duck in mud puddle
very easy to see, very easy to talk about
after YOU have seen it, but it is an awful job
to get hold Of it,
A wag says girl may as well hang up
her fiddle when she loses her beau. Some
ladies use paint as fddlers dc rosin, to aid
them in drawing a beau
This world is all fleeing show said
priest to culprit on che gallows. YES
was the prompt reply, but if you have no
objection, I'd like to see the show little
longer
NANNY said precocious little boy,
who against his will was made to rock the
cradle of his baby brother, if the Lord has
any more babies to give away, don't you
take 'em.'
They have discovered saltpetre cave in
Dent county, Mo. 1t may be big thing
for Dent county, but saltpetre won't save
the Dent company in the White House af-
ter the next election
A young lady who has been married about
six months says it's all nonsense to talk about
love in cottage There is more love in a
full -four barrel than in all the roses and
posies and woodbines that ever grew.
Are the jury agreed?' asked judge of
court attache, whom he met on the stairs
with bucket in his hand Yes replied
Patrick, they have agreed to send out for
half gallon
Young man, said minister to youth
of his congregation, do you know what re-
lations you sustain in the world?' Yes, sir;
two cousins and grandmother; but don't
intend to sustain them much longer
A disappointed canidate for Office was
talking Of men who would sell their votes,
when Mrs. Darlington observed with a sigh,
iAh, they are as base as Asop Of old, who
sold his birthright for mess Of potash
What is the difference between the Ger.
man war song and the money my uncle
lends me while ne takes care Of my watch?
Ones the Watch on the Rhine and the
others the 'Rhino on the Watch.
At school in Newcastle the master asked
class Of boys the meaning of the word ap-
petite After short pause, one little boy
said, Il know, sir; when I'm eatin' Tn Apply
and when I'm done am tight
A young bachelor in Williamsport urged
to marry, replied: I don't see it. My father
was single man, and he always got along
well enough
Why are hogs like trees-because they
root for living.
A country paper. speaking of the street.
organ playing of a soldier without arms,
who worked the crank with his foot happi-
ly says: His playing was far above the
usual average. He threw his whole sole
into it.
A San Francisco wife petitioned for d.
vorce on the ground that her husband was a
COMPOUNDED FOOL The judge would not ad-
NIT the plea, holding that be was free to con-
fess that every man who got married was