The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19

the bar to be spread upon its records requested
"
Application of Prof Alton for principalship
OF any Of the public schools was read and fled
and the Clerk requested to invite the Professor
to appear for ex animation before the Board
Bodrd Of Educatton proceedings Of July "a, II.
We predict that the Professor will never put
in an appearance at that examination. lie Ger.
tainly would no. conld he have any fore warning
of the trying ordeal he will be subjected TO-
The name Alton is suggestive of degree of
sweetness and difidence on the part Of its pos.
SCISSOR quite unequal to such trial.
Professor, though be be, of several tongues
and ologies-and he 60 subscribes himself in his
spplication-he could hardly be expected to pos.
ssss the fortitude, 'single handed and alone" to
face such an array of genius, wit and wisdom
He would have no fears, probably, Of those COM
mon pieces, Hard, Smith, and Lutz, but might
we'll be pardoned for blsnched face, faltering
speech, and trembling limbs at the thought of
being opened on by those long guns, Murphy
and Hit, one charged with uusectarianism, the
other, with fornix. But when to these are add.
ed the little brass piece, Msrkle of small cabre,
to be sure. but rammed to the muzzle with con.
scientiousness, and the larger pot metal gun,
Courtuey-the biggest bore of all-loaded with
q little Of everything and a good deal of moth.
ing, the Professor would indeed be more than
human not TO be utterly demoralized and beaten
before the battle commenced. The Professors
alarm could not be lesssned by the fact unknown
to him. that the last named gun is less danger.
Gus than it seems, being liable to fl into pieces
at any discharge, on account Of its great age,
place, and its faulty design, being too small at
one end and too big at the other end.
No, the Professor will never dare come
within range Of such artillery-not because be
is wanting in courage, for he is largely endowed
with that quality, but because he is not wanting
in prudence as well.
Though We shall never see the gentle PROBES.
sor before eur august Board Of Education in per.
sou. We may yet in fancy picture the pleasing
and instructive scene. Just imagine, then, the
Professor Of flowing locks and soft italian
features being led in BY the hand before those
four majestic pressnces BY Beenus, the Clerk.
Mark the sweet smile Of Aarkle; the question.
ing gaze Of Courtney; the unsectsriAn, even
spiritual, glance Of Murphy; the scrusinising-
more accurately speaking, the csrkscre wt,nizing
look of D. Foruix Hitt % each first lots his
eyes tall on the many tongued Professor. The
Professor, a. We said BEFORE is man Of courage.
He shows it in his eye and bearing. Yet, how
he trembles; how his legs rattle in his boots
how his knees knock each other; how the per.
SEPARATION starts out on his manly brow; how he
tries to mop it up BY vigorous applications Of the
elegant bandana purchased in anticipation Of the
princely salary of seventy.fve dollars month
how sigually he fails, copious drops still chasing
each other down the Aftonisn forehead, running
races along the Attonian nose, aud thence leap.
ing of to tho Aftonisn eowhides below.
Beemus acts his part admirably, as he always
does Beemus abounds in grace OF course we
don't mean the church kind but the kind suited
to occasions like this. In his blaudest style
Beemus says, professor Alton, allow me to in.
troduce you to director Markle Of the
first ward The Professor bows and applies the
bandsus. Markle smiles sweet, conscientious,
heavenly smile. Bsemus looks On. The Profes.
sor is then led on to Courtney where similar
introduction takes place, except that, for "allow
me- etc., Beemus, cunning dog, substitutes, II
have the honor" &c. Courtney puts himself in 20.
sition at once, gives the Professor the military
salute in q manner somewhat labored and stiff
from asthma and dignity, let's off the following
speech at the Professor
Professor. not as Professor, but as An EN-.
ployer of Professors think I may say think
may safely say-I don't kuow-perhaps not
but believe express the sentiments of large
majority of those who voted for me in my ward,
when say-at any rate, think will run the
risk, trusting my constituents who sent nae here
will approve ny course.-aad say, Professor, I
greet thee"
The Professor, fearfully wrought up during
the delivery Of Courtuey's speech, gives u sigh
Of relief at its close. mods assent to the noble
sentiments uttered, and Is led on 10 front Of
Murphy the Unsectar,sn.
3"Prof Alton, Director Murphy Of the fifth
ward. Direction Murphy, Prof. Alton" Quite
o dignifed bow BY the Professor. A bs.ig.