The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-12-02

Three jolly Berfs county husbands.
Ivy the name of. Tim Watson, Joe
Brown, and Bill Walker. late one eve
ming drinking at the village tavern,
until being pretty well coraed, they
agreed that each, on returning home,
should do the first thing that his Wife
told him, in default OF which he should,
the next morning pay tile bill. They
then separated for the night. engaging
10 meet the next morning and give an
honest account OF their proceedings at
home. so far as related to the bill.
The next morning. Walker and Brown
made their appearances, but it was
sometime before Watson made his an
prearance. Walker began first: ~ on
see. when l entered my house the
candle was gone out, and the fire was
giving but glimmeril@ Of light /
came near walking into pot of batter
that the pancakes Were to be made
OF next morning. My-wife, who was
tlfeadfttlly out of huinor at sitting up
said to me sarcastically. .Bin, 10 put
your foot into that batter.' Just as
you say, Maggie, said |, and without
the least hesitation put my foot into
the batter and went to bed Next
Joe Brown told his story: . My Wife
had already retired in our usual sleep
ing room which adjoins the kitchen,
tine door of which was ajar. Not be-
Ing able, you know, to navigate per-
fecrly, / made a dreadful Gathering
among the household furniture, and
my wife in no pleasant way, bawled
out, DO break the porrige pot!' No
sooner said than done. | seized hold
of the pot, and striking it against the
chimney iamb, and broke it into Il
hundred pieces. After this exploit /
retired to rest and received a curtain
lecture for my pains" 1t was now
Tim Watson's turn to give an account
of himself, which he did with very
long face, as follows; My wife gave
me the most ullucky command in the
world, for | was laundering up stairs
i'll the dark. when she cried out. DO
break your neck, do Tint I'll be
cilssed If do. Kate said /, as gath
cred myself up. I'll sooner pay the
bill: and here landlord. here's the
cash for you. and this is the last time
I'll ever risk five dollars Oh the com
nand Of my wife,
RATHER FAMILIAR.-A certain emf
rent temperance lecturer was setting
forth most awful portraiture Of old
Hing Alcohol, when q muzzy-loofsing
brother arose in the corner Of tile EaIl
and observed
I'D like t. ask the gen'lm'n a
quesun.''
Certainly, my friend.'' said the
irtane speaker, ..by all means.''
: wish t. inquire of the gen''m'n
+ he's ever been tight?''
. Thank God. no - was the ferYent
response. This brain has neYe been
lnuddled with the accursed thing.''
Once more the muzzy one spoke.
:. Then don't the gefn 'I'm'n seem to
use great familiarity bout an entire
stranger, S longs he haint been intro
dueed 20
The speaker had to struggle for
some moments before he could ciretim-
vent the unseemiy interruption. and
Set back to the thread of his discourse.
Good wives are better conseryators
of the public peace and morality than
policemen. magistrates, prisons, stat
aites and all tie terrol.s of the law. Let
u man be thus anchored, and have an
interest III house and lot. and ex-
cept he is radically bad, lie becomes a
self-appoiiited guardian of the peace
aud of the public morals.
1t is evident that the most worthy
efforts often fail, while the worst sue
ceed. The fact alone ought to show
the folly of basing an estimate ofehar-
acter on a superficial reckoning the OF
FeSuItSr