The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-05-25

bride was Mary ;DeRes., Thus his life
had been both dark and bright in a re-
malkable degree
From the Cincinnati Times.
THE MONKEYS PROTEST AGAINST THE
DARW1N7IIlAAN'. III THEORY. -, as=
!. Darwin's theory contc,isaf:nIiing the descent
Of man is Creating q tremendous sehsa-
ton among the: monkeys. They have
just heard of it and are terribly exercised.
They rep1diate the whole theory. That
man descended from them thssy consider
q slur on the entire monkey race. ''' .
), A cage of John Robinson's monkeys
held an indignation meeting over themat-
ter the other day after, the performance.
a venerable chimpanzee, whose. gray
hairs entitle him to the distinction, was
made chairman, and sitting in a swing
presided with the utmost dignity. He
got a little excited in his speech as he
took the chair, but this was pardonable
under the circumstances.9 aWhat;" ex-
claimed the venerable babooh,, "Man de-
scsnded from us! Irepudiate The idea
with scorn., True we have: our faults.
We are accused of cutting up monkey
shines sometimes, and not without cause,
but this attempt to make us father of the
human race is altogether too much. Isit
not enough that poverty requires us to
travel around the country in this manner
to make a livelihood TO exhibit ourselves
tolgaping men,. women and children, at
so much q head, (whon two-tbirds of
them haven't any head at all to speak of)
without having it flung in our faces that
we originated the pack Of fools styled
men % =.
:, His remarkswere received with every
expression! of delight possible to the mon
key. Some stood on their pyramidial
heads, others hung on by their tails, while
others threw fiipfsps from one end of the
cage to tbe.ot
Amonkey who had Travelled much and
seen a great deal, and who had probably
used the cats paw to pull more chesnuts
out Of the Ere than any other monkey Of
his. age, next addressed his fellow mon
keys s'.@ s..s' e.''.S' f's'lh 2. ~
Said he "This Darwin has :infioted a
disgrace upon us that no monkey of any
selfrespect will hesitate to resent. I
fling fhis base. insinuations back into his
teeth1 IA wild chatter of applanse.l If
man was indeed descended from us, what
fall was there, my country PRO
longed howls of derision.T If I had this
base slandorer Of our raoe4this Darwin,
who dar',0in fame by traducin1g us-i
would f-r-r-r.rend him in pieces with these
pentadactylous hands, and whip him to
death with this prohensile tailw [Im-
mense cheering.]
The chairman interrupted the speaker
to romind him that no puns would be al
lowed. Nobody but men perpetrated
puns, and pun was altogether beneath
the dignity Of any monkey who had the
least respect for himself. The speaker
promised to be more guarded in the fu-
ture, and proceeded with his remarks:
"Look at the tollies men perpetrato
every day. Did youover know monkey
to make such fool of himself as they
do? Did you ever know a monkey to
buy ticket TO a menagerie and go star
ing around and making remarks about
better people than himselfY Did a mon.
key ever get drunk, or talk about his
neighbors, or wear plug bat (unless it
was fastened on his head by dotestable
ng-master),- or sue for divorce, or lace,
or color his wbiskors, or go into bank,
ruptcy, or cheat the printer, or get elect
ed councilman, or run q bar account, or
eat hash, or-orirun for Congress2 New
srl [Screams and sereeehes of assent. I
"Man descended from the monkey, in
deed If we were descended from man
it would be sufficiently disgraoeful l
get ashamed whom think there is o pos
sibility of connecting link. Look at
them in their political conventions. In
our most idiotic moments did we ever
yell and howl as they dol
"Look ut them in Congress. a whole
menagerie on drunk couldn't behave
worse. And whore did they get it? They
didn't get it from us, that is d sure thing.
The key to their cussed nonsense is not
the monkey. An admonishing shake of
the head from the President Mr.. Dar-
win must seek for his ancestry elsewhere,
ana iet tne monkey alone. he mlght
perhaps trace it to the beasts of the field
or the birds of the air, or (what is more
likely) the jackassp
Tremendous applause followed his
speech. After some further remarks on
the part Of distinguished monkeys of like
tenor, the meeting passed series of res-
olutions utterly repudiating the Darwin
ian theory, and adjourned.
The woman who makoth' good
pudding in silence, is better than she
who makcth tart reply.
= Every man chorishes in his heart
some object-some shrine at which his
alteration is paid, unknown to his fellow