The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1871-11-22
The m an who Cooks-A Dome site
Nuts anCe.

NUTS dnC6s
/ Nearly evtrv old Califcrs ian, having ir
49, baked his own bread and boiled hi;
hHans. deems himself Il good frmiiy cook
He maintains even greater conceit thar
this he deems himself cook superior tt
any woman in the world when he CHOOSES Il
concentrate his mind on culinary affairs.
! On such man, when duly married, there
breaks ont once or twice Il year a culinary
mania, lie must cooll-he will cook. He
watches The opportunity when his wife has
prolonged her afternoon visit 4 little longer
than ususl. He invades the kitchen. He
kindles fire In the stove. Before kindirg
house FROM cellar 10 garrct fle turns the
damper wrong. The stove SmC X 8 the wrong
way. He draws wRtcr in the Wrt Iig lGIcktt
to fill the tea-ketlc.
These things are terrible 10 mention, bat
they are often done in California. HeihrOws
potato and other vegetable parings In the
cleanest pail he can find. Wherever he
walks and whatever he touches, he leaves a
"muss." He leaves knives, fork. and spoons
all over the house, also, dish-rags; he puts
one of these in his pocket. lie ceases to be
rational or accountable being. An old
male California cook, married and in his
wife, kitchen is not a well-spring Of pleas.
ure. He brings all the frying-pans he can
find into use. He sets their sooty bottoms
on the clean pine table. He contemplates
making tea. He reflects rs to the quantity
he used in the mines for " making" He
can not rccollect exactly. He Grams several
fistfuls into the teapot. lie Will have enough
anyway. No one who drinks thereof sleeps
any that night. Nervous. lie essays 10
make biscuit. He wonders how much
saleratus they used in the mines TO get a
good rise on. lie uses enough. He kncads
his dough and wandeiingvacantly about the
house, leaves traces nf Hour at every step
1t Is i'll the parlor. on the door knobs, ol the
banistcrs. He can cook. He says Ee clu
cook. He says he can cook better than any
woman in the world if he has only a.mird
- give his mind toit " This Coaccit is noyc.
to he taken out OF him. 1t Is pcculilr to all
Old Cali'o-nians; FOR he made good hrca.l in
the mines. 1t was coed bread, too-"0oI -
kill. They say That two .pardnrrs who
"cabined' with him died OF haavv-h-,ai
indigestion. He was given ;wcnty-fJur
hours to leave the Gimp.
Now We sec him ravisll,n- his wi!.'s
kitchen. lie fas burned up II the choice
newspapers lying aGout, which Tie fC ks
wanted TO real. He is IL .ing ta'Ic tur'c- TO
cook with. aud sets the cooking lutic- on
the table. Things fall into tia, inu.h-lu--
tons, ma ches, and Bit of ccal.
In the midst ef II this cul nary IIJt,
chaos. smoke. grease, SCOT, Ia.s and -four,
the wife comes home. She open, the hall
door. ami is oppressed by the cloud OF smoke
She knows then thar the clIiuh-y fl, is on
her husband. She steps into the kitchen.
There he stands. red, heated, flushed .u.ht
in the act, with 4 big spoon in one haGj, 4
tormcntor In the other, spot Of 4 k on
his nose. The frying pan is full Of 10,
smoking lard. ltSiLEics and srItt,r- all OYER
him as he stands there with IL; back TO ID,
stove, and all over every thing fGT many feet
around. There comes from the oven door a
suspicious smell CT smoke; his biscuits arc
burning. All sorts of things in p)ts ure
boiling over. She rushes to his assls anac
Both burn their fingers. lie has misla.d
bali the stove covers. and can not find them
One is discovered a fortnight a'terwari NJ
stairs, under the bed. How id it sc.rLorc:
He says Er didn know he wl3 carry ing i.
up at the time. Absent min, Il. He was
boxing for clean towel.
His WIG, in despair, goes to her room IN |
cries: and thinks OF her happy girlhood day.
She does not come down 10 supper Moore
cats much that evening. He Ia'nc much
appetite either. He gets up every half min
ute for soHe forgotten ar icle-ior the salt,
for the bread, for cup, for a saucer.
When he ba3 entirely flashed, he iiads the
potato; forgotten; they are still on the
stove boilirg-boiling piecemeal, boiling
furiously. like the driving OF ,Ithu, the son
OF Nimshi. who drove rapiGly.
Next day his wife comes down stairs aud
hires woman to clean up. This gets sttila,i
in about a week. 1t is his own fLuii. He
sticks to it that he can cook b, tier t Ian any
woman in the world if he chooses "to give
his mind 10 it," She says the mania rcvcr
broke out in him until they had been two
years married. Twice year it RACES, an.i
the kitchen smokes. All California kus-
bands nave touch of this disease. l. was
contracted in the mines in the flush days OF
4'.-LWpjHeott's Magazine