The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1871-04-20
A Wag Discourses of Queen Elizabeth
- Here is the test outbreak efeccen-
trio humor. We can't tell who wrote

% Here is the latest outbreak ofeccen-
trio humor. We can't tell who wrote
it, tAiui19 i5fi S'i s'. ~
.s1 Queen Elizabeth is dead Itdoesn't
make any matter how we got the In
formation. This is none of our fight
this quarrel between the. Associated
Press and its rival. +. We've received
the news, and that's enough. She
died two ohundred and sixty-eight
years ago the twenty-fourth of last
month. She survived until the vital
spark had fed, and then she saw it
was of use resisting the inscruta-
ble decree of fate, and SO her untet-
tered soul took its flight into tho fmys-
terious void, and settled down i'll tnat
bourne from which no traveller re-
turns unless he has mission to jerk
chairs around and rap on tables for
the benefit of mediums and other long
hared, wild-eyed 1unaties.sb as..ts5i ~
Queen Elizabeth was a virginia
vergin' on seventy land yet the. fire
CLEANED as brightly as ever in her
cream colored eye, and the delicate
sheen of her finely tinted maroon nose
contrasted as ,forcibly as in her youth
with the alabaster of her brow and
the plugs in her teeth were Just as.
valuable easiwhen gold was at l56.
! { She had no small vices She did
not smoke, or chew.i or belong to the
society for promotion of cruelty to
| animals. And when she swore, she
never descended to the. vulgarify Of
Horace SGreely- Queen Elizabeth
didn't. When she used profanity,
she gave it with a finish, an elegance,
q delicate airy grace, and infusedinto
it luxutious abandon, and rounded
lit off carefully at the corners, and
dressed it up with we'll selected poet
ical adjectiyes, sc. .thatit sounded like
| a strain from some sweet singer, like
some sweet singer straining himself,
in fact. And she had red hair.
i5l Her chignon was burglar proof.
And often, in the dim twilight of eve
ming, when the sun had sank to rest,
when the western sky was filled with
tender radiance and iambent light, and
the btfbuf wood the rose in the back
yard, she would play a few notes on
her harpsichord3 or writea Latin hymn
or an essay upon the, Harrison, boiler.
She was supposed to be the author o f
Crock Me to Sleep, MotherD and
s'Besutiful Snow" and give O'Clock
in the Morning" :" But nevertheless
she was very estimable women, and
with all her faults we love her still.
better. indeed, than if she were still
fooling around. - hst'5Ht
Queen Elizabeth was not proud.
She always insisted upon cleaning her
own teeth, even if she was a queen;
aud she always did it once a week,
every Sunday morning, with her own
tooth brush. What a lesson does, it
teach to those that are naughty and
vain, and belong to, the bon ton! She
never forgot that she was mere per-
ishable dust, and that the sheep and
silkworm wore her fine Iclothes long
before she got them. She read every
Sunday School book that taught these
facts, and she once trod on Sir Wal
ter Raleighs cloak to remind him of.
them because he was SO set up with.
his new cassimeres. She said upon
her death-bed that Ly dia, Thompson
need not learn this lesson, because IL
had no moral for those who browsed
round in Natures simple garb.
Queen Elizabeth was not sorry to
die. She foresaw that George Il.
Train was coming to England, and she
said to her physicians that she would
prefer bnc cnuuIluS peace VI TIC COlu
and silent grave to three weeks of
George and the Alabama claims con-
troversy and the Schleswig- III olstein
question all at the same time. Her
last words were, "kiIl Horace Gree
ley before he has chance to write
What / Know About Farming.>v
There was not dry eye in that, Sec
ond- story front window. Everybody
was thinking how impossible it was
to fulfill her dying request, and to es-
cape SO much misery. 14a f0A agsf
But she has now gone; she has left
us we shall see her no more Per-
haps it is for the best. She was Wig
orous woman, and if she had lived
she might have come to America,
and we might have given her offense,
and she might have pranced around
here and fiogged us like the very ma
ton. For she was a woman whosfol-l
lowed closely in all the prevailing
fashions. And so we are glad she is
dead, and has four tons of marble
planted on her to hold her down.
MRest in peace, old girl! Rest in
pieces! .,.f.,
gI 80. - -. :. - - - - - .