The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-09-28
Tbe Perils of NeMspaper Life.

The following o'er true tale, which IS told IN
vein equal to anything from the pen OF John
Phoenix, or Mark Twain, will be appreciated
by both press and public. 1t is from the Phil
adelphia Dispatch:
A week or two ago one of our reporters had
occasion to refer to a certain woman, whom we
will call Hannah Smith, as denizen of the
Eleventh Ward. A day or two afterward
huge man entered the Office with his brow
clothed with thunder. In his hand he carried
fearful club, and at his side trotted bull dog
whom hunger evidently had made desperate.
With that quick appreciation of the situation
which is creditable to the superior intelligence
of an educated man, the editor of this paper
and the proprietor dared to the window, climb
ed outside. slid down the lightning-rod, and
went across the street to watch the bloody fray,
through spy-gIass. With the fearlessness OF
conscious innocence we sit still, merely insert
ing our legs in two sections of stove-plpe to
guard against any misapprehension of facts on
the part of the bull dog. The man with the
club approached. mi. =.
care YOU the editor?" he asked, splitting on
his hand and grasping his club. we toia MN
that the editor was out; that ne had gone 10
the North Pole with Captain Hall, and that ne
would not return before 1876, in time tor the
centennial celebration.
care you the proprietor?" asked the man.
We explained to him that we were not tna5 1
the nronrietors we're also out; that they had
gone to South America for the purpose of in
yestipating the curative properties of cundu-
rango. and they expected to remain there for
several years.
"Weli, whoever you are" exclaimed the war
rior, "my name is Smith" 49,,
We told him we were glad, because, II there
was one thing better than possession OF the
name of Smith, it was the privilege OF know
ing man of that name. aBut, Smith," we
said, sswhy this battle array? 1t is absurd for
q man to put on the panoply of war, and frisk
into editors sanctums, fumbling club, accom-
panied by disheartening bull dog, simply be-
cause his name happens to be Smith"
He said he called in to burst the head OF the
man who had insulted his sister.
"It is impossible, Smith, that such thing
could have been done by any one in this Office.
eyes, but it was, though; and her name was
published, tool Miss Smith-Miss Hammer
Smith l'
"May we be permitted to inquire, Mr.. Smith,
what was the precise character OF the attront
offered to Hannah?'
"Well, you see," said Smith, "the blackguard
said she was denizen. And want to under,
stand" exclaimed Smith, becoming excited ano
brandishing his club in wild manner over oui
head, while the bull dog advanced and com
menced to sniff up and down our stove--pipe
"I want you to understand that she is decent
Young woman, with good character, and none
of your dsnizens and such truck. The man w4l
| saws she is denizen is blackguard and thief
and I'll smash him over the nose If get q
chance. They may say what they please about
me, but the man who abuses my sister has got
| to suffer-" And Smith struck the table in a
violent manner with his club, while the bull
dog put his forelegs up on the back of our chair
We pacifed Smith with dictionary. We
pointed out to raging warrior that the Webste-
ran definition of the word "denizen" gives such
person an inoffensivc character and deprives
the term of anything like reproach. Smith
said he was satisfied, and he shook hands and
kicked the bull dog down stairs. The editor
and proprietors, seeing that all was safe, imme-
diately climbed the lightning rod and soon ap.
peared at the window, where they were intro.
duced to Smith, with the remark that they had
returned from the North Pole and the cline o.
the cundurango somewhat unexpectedly, in or
| der to surprise their relations.
And now we suppose Smith will be mad be-
| cause we have told this story about him, and HI
will be coming down to interview us again II
wars magni6cently stern array with a fresh
bull dog. But it will be in vain. We have
rented an Office in the top of the shot tower
and planted torpedoes and spring guns all tht
way lp the stairs. We warn this incendiary
Smith beware.