Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1871-06-22
''What I Kno About Pharming.'' 2
BY JOSH BILLINGS.


BY JOSH BILLINGS. ,ia"uA q
What know about pharming is kus-
sid little. ilt. .y1ll-ifs.fF sg-,i. gs
Mi buzzum friend Horace Greedy
hez rit a book with the abuv name
and altho haven't had time tew pc
roose it yet, don't hesitate tew pro
nOunce it bully. ...r a .,ged 80, 10. Z.
Pharmins, (nOw daze,) ispretty much
all theary, and tharefore it amt aston
ling that man can live in New York
sand be a good chancery lawyer, and
also kno all about pharming. sid b
| A Pharm, (now daze,l ov one hun
dred akers, will produce more buck
wheat and pumpkins run on. theory
than it would 60years ago, run with
manure and hard knocks. -lgis..,i
Even..now it3ain't unknommOn tew
see three, or four, hired men, on a
farm, with three or four spans ov oxen,
all standing still, while the boss goes
into the library, and reads himself for
the days plowing. 49,. II as
Iii waz running farm, (n0w daze)
suppose i,would rather hav 80 bushels
ov sum nu breed yOv potatoze, raised on
theory, than tew hav 81 bushels got in
the mean, underhand way, ov our Ia
mented grandparents rsa5sf,.-.. -5,.s
+ -Pharmin after all, IL a good deal like
the tavern bizzness, emmy body thinks
they can keep hotel, (now daze) any
boldly thinks they kan pharm it (nOw
daze) and they kan, but this IL, the
way that poor hotels com to be so
plenty, and this liz likewise what
makes pharmin such easy and profita-
BILE Dizziness. u ,fe.. :. fIt5,,s -,ls5
just take the theory out ov pharm-
ing and thare amt nothing left but
! hard work, and all fired krops. ~,
/ When see so much folks, rushing
into theory. pharming (now daze)
and so many Ov them rushing out
again, think oy that remarkable
piece of skriptur, which remarks,
''menny are called, but few are chos-
en-" r.lt
| once took a pharm on shares miself,
and run her on some theorys, and the
! thing figured UP this way, i dun all
the work, phurnished all the seed, and
manure, had the argue 8 months, out
| of Y, for mi share of the profits, and
the phellow paid the taxes on the
| pharm, for his share. .sle@
| BY mutual consent j quit the farm
at the end of the year. -. - +..,..'....
What know about pharmin, ain't
wuth Dragging about, and see it my
duty to. state for the benefit ov mi
kreditors, that if they ever expekt ME
tew pay 5 cents on a dollar, they
mustn't start me in the Theoretical
pharmin employ. ;ff.ll'--...'- -. = '-..''.
If a man really is anxsous tew make
mummy on pharm, the less theory he
lays in the better, and he must sup
port biz family on what he kant sell
and go ragged enuff all the time to
hunt bees. - -li1 Clui yn.lG Gr4
Z I kno ovmenny farmers, who are so
afflicted with superstishun, that they
won't plant a single kean, only in the
/ last quarter of the moon, and knO ov
others so pregnant with science, thai
wont set gate post until they hay had
the ground analized, bi sum professor
7 anatomy, tew see if the earth has goi
the right kind ov ingrenients for pos
holes gfgsIE9 sdi ri dI5Qas.E .Es8G s4.
This liz what icall cunning seienre in
to the ground. ii = -1;Ias1T 18t.-
1.-The faktov it is, that theorys, ov al
kinds, work well, except in praktiss
and dsthey are too often designed tew dc
the work ov praktiss. I5rE. ea5
Thar amt no theory in braking
mule, only tew get at him, with 6
kIub, in yure hand, and some blood in
yure eye, and brake him, just as would
split q log. iGia.ltfE 1tffa a-5F
What know about pharming, aint
wuth much emmy how, but | under
took tew brake kicking heifer once.
l read a treatiss ON the subiekt, and
phollowed the direkshuns cluss, and
got knOkt endwaZe, in about 5 minits
/ then sot down, and thoght the thing
over. .aHd ~ emit ..ir
made up my mind that the phel-
low who wrote the treatiss was more
| in the treatiss bizZness than he was in
the kicking heifer trade. L lJc
p cum tew the konklusion that wnat
he knu about milking hiking 'heifers,
he had larnt by leaning over barn
yard fence and writing the thing up.
got up from my rehekshuns
strengthened, and went for that heiter.
Twill draw vail over the language
i used, and the things did, butt went
in to win,I and ICON. tsf1 ~. a.a.
| That heifer never becum cow.
I This is one tew brake a hiking heif-
er. and after man has stud led ali
the books in kreashum on theAsubjek
and tried them on, he will fall back on
to my plan, and make up mis- mind az
did, that hiking heifer IL wuth more
more for beef than she liz for theoretick
milk. i iigS 3kl.G alGI ar.-
lriI have work on a pharm just long
enuff tew kno that thare IL no prayers
so good for poor land az manure, and
theory kan ekal twelve hours each
day, (sundaze excepted,) ov honest la
Dor applied to the sile. ,I-lz
Ef / am an old-phasioned phellow, and
hartily hate most ov things, bekause /
hav bin beat by them Sc often.
| Inever knu pharm that was work
ed pretty mutch by theory, but what
was for sale, or to let, in a III years, and
| / never knu a farm that was worked
by manure, and uzGSele, onthe good
old ignorant way Ov our ancestors, but
what was handed down from father to
son, and alwas wuz noted for razing
brawny armed boys, and buxom lasses,
and fust rate potatoze.
What 1 kno about pharming, IL mo-
| thing but experience, and experiense
(noW daze, aint wuth h kuss.
I had rather hay good looking the
ory, tew ketch flies with, than the ex-
perfenc.eeven ov Methuseler.
Experience liz q good thing tew lay
down and ME with, but yu kant do nc