The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-06-09

lingk, it is the viiest Of all trades.
Which are the two hottest letters oi
the aIRhapetY Is n Cayenne.
"pray madam. why did you name your
old hcns Nlacduif.' Because. sir, |
want her tp lay on. :"
At what tanc of life may man be
said to bclony toNthe vegetable kingdom.
When long cxperieeee has made him
sage.
A call is made for feniale rights lee.
turers among the Chuuchos of South
America, who won't cut women, insist.
lug that it is not US good US mau.
A child tied Grape to the door knob
to see ifahe carriages would come to
take her out riding, US they did the lam
| lily across the street.
He who fancies that he can do with
out the world is greatly deceived, but
be who thinks the world canuot do with
out him Is still more deceived.
4 printer in Boston has just taken
his third wife. His excuse is that his
eldest daughter was married y short time
ago, and he wants '.more copy.
Wink at small Injuries rather than
avenge them. If to destroy single bee
you throw down the hive-instead Of
one eneuy you. make Thousand.
"Woman is delusion, madam" ex-
claimed crusty old bachelor to Wit
Ity young lady. And nmn is always
huyging some delusion or other" was
the quick reply.
An ald minister the other Gay asked
woman what could induce her husband
to attend church. 4 don't know" she
replied. unless you wers 10 put pipe
and jug of whisky in the pew"
There is great joker living in Iowa,
by the name of A che. aud he has named
u newly arrived daughter . Belle" the
short for :. Belle" When she gets big
enough to wrestle won't she give il to
that old man
A shoddy lady went into Tiffany's
aud ordered two diamond brooches, zone
big and one little one" as she said. zone
of my daughters is grown up aud the
other is NIL but" And she is one OF
our New York's first families too.
Those Yale students, who have been
drinking vinegar aud eating chalk to
give them pale intellectual look. have
changed for whisky and after :Snonth's 5
trial the intellect sticks out so that you
can hang your hat on 1t.
A boy at Indianapolis asked his father
for twenty shilling to enable him to take
his girl to dance, but the father refus-
ed, whereupen the boy took pitchfork,
pinned the old man To the side of the
barn, and held him there until lie rshelled
onts ~ a2ss e
'.Vat's de mattery" exclaimed an old
Dntchman as he tucked up his apron
and ran out OF his shop TO know the
meaning of crowd in bis neighborhood
There is a man killed." answered a
bystander ..0hl ish dat alIy' said our
friend 10 disappointment. '.shust a man
kilt. humph, fought it wash a deg
fight"
The following anecdote, told of fam
lily living on Parade street, Erie, seems
to US Ike carrying the borrowing prin-
ciple almost ZOO far. "Please ma am,"
said little girl, .-mother says you will
obIise her By lending her a stick of fire
wood. filing this cruct with vinegar,
putting lille soft soap in this pan.
and please not let your turkey gobbler
roost oa our fencei"
We met with this unanswerable and
witty retort in a sketch of short trip
through portion of ireland. The wri-
ter IS convcrsing with his car driver:
You are Catholic, Jimmy?"
Yes. yer honor"
And you pray to the Virgin Mary"
Il do. yer honor"
We'll. there's no dfubt she was a
good woman. The Bible says so But
she may have been no better than your
mother or mine"
That's true; yer honor But then
you'll. allow there's mighty difference
IN their children ."
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