The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-08-17

The worst poverty is poverty of the heart.
An ass-He who assents to everything.
- Coming to Grie-Meeting trouble half
way.
= How to keep your head clear-Shave ev-
cry hair of. >,
= Can ship with two owners be called a
partnership
The most steadfast followers of our for
tune.-Our creditors.
To get to the root of thing-dig. lfyou
are dentist-pull.
"A stylish bonnet in California cost more
than a mule.
= A man who has no bills against him be-
longs to the highest order of nobility.
Don't let your cattle stray; they wander
to the most mysterious places; we once saw
COW hide in shocmaker's shop.
"A lady in a menagerie being asked why
she so slosely scanned the elephant with her
opera glass, replied that she was looking tor
the key-hole to his trunk"
- An Irish magistrate, censuring some boy
for lettering in the street, said, "lf everybody
were to stand in the street, how could anybody
get byf"
|-The widow of man who died in Ironton,
Ohio, of delirium tremens, has recovered 80
900 damages from the man who furnished the
whiskey.
Why do men not wear corsets? Because
Jonah. having surrounded himself with whale
bone for three days. found that he could not
stay.
- "I wish you had been Eve," said an ur-
chin to stingy old aunt proverbal for her
meanness. "Why 500" Because you would
have eaten all the apple instead of dividing It,"
= Though q lie, repeated ten times, remains
as much lie as ever, yet IN the eyes OF MIN
who tells it, it appears moro like truth than
at first.
"A tipsy fellow holding hard to lamp
post remarked: Leave you, my friend Leave
YOU in a condition not take care of yourself!
Neverp
= Temperance puts wood on the fire, meal
in the tub money in the purse, credit in tho
country contentment in the house, clothes on
the children, vigor in the body, intelligence in
the brain and spirit in the whole constitution
"A lady named Trimby, who died in Chi
capo last week, was sent to Rochester for inter-
ment But before she was inferred, while the
authorities were awaiting some tcchnicailty,
she came to life, burst the lid OFF the coilin and
telesraphcd to Chicago that she would be back
on the next train.
"A gentleman of Connecticut, who is some
thing of sportsman, went TO sleep in church
on one of the late warm Sundays, and dreamed
he was hunting rabbits. During an eloquent
passage in the sermon he espicd i'll his dream
rabbit, and startled the congregation by Shout
ing "thcre he goes"
They are having joke out West on a
compositor who set up the toast, "Woman-
without her, man would be savage" and got
the stops in the wrong place, and produced /:
"Woman, without her man, would bea savage :"
They say that his wife, who was helping read
the proof, discovered the mistake right away
= The most touching illustration of Radical
love for the man and brother has been recently
afforded in Mississippi, as given to the world
by the Oxford correspondent of the Memphis
Ippcu: A certain carpet-bagger runs low
grog shop, frequented exclusively by negroes.
In the fullness of his affection for the dusky
race, he insured strong, healthy fifteenth
amendments life for $4,000. Cutlee was then
strictly sober in his habits and implicitly be-
lievcd that the policy would operate to prolong
his life to whatever length he wished. The
carpct-baggcr next took him into his employ
nent and gave him unrestricted access to bar
rel of the yilcst "bust head ever compounded
in Cincinnati Result-Cuflee was dead in
about two weeks and his benctactor pockctcd
the 80 600