Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1871-09-07
@mUMOROUs.

didn't interfere with his fast walking.
cit is a pool rule that won't work both
ways, exclaimed the boy, as he threw
the ferule at the school-teacher's head.
A gentleman took a lady out for a
drive the other day, and came home with
n false curl attached to the button on the
side of his cap. He wondered how it
could have got there. = 1.L.. |
"What is your consolation in life and
death ?' asked a Sunday-school teacher
of a young lady in the Bible class, who
blushed and said, sI'd rather be excused
from speaking his name.''
Eve had some advantages that no other
married woman ever enjoyed, chief
among which was the fact that her hus-
band could meyer ~lacerate her heart by
telling Chow his mother used to cook"
An absent-minded farmer, who started
; out after his COW, found the cOw-bell in
the road, and pocketing it, followed its
vtinklipg for over twenty miles, before he
remembered that il was not on the COWS
neck. 49, s'.5rss~, a~- ss9-v &7
A man with one eye laid another,a
wager that he (the5 one-eYed) saw more
han the other. The wage was accept
ed. slost,' - says the first; 81
can see tao eyes in your face, and you
can see only one in mine.
"a young 9dect6r,s oassbefng asked to.
contribute towards ihelesing and orna-
menting the village cemetery, very coolIy
remarked thatif he filled itahe shelildd do
his part. Ea ,ss~nasnss ,r-Ss5 ssras
An Alabama. editor, having, read DR..
Halls lecture advising that husband and
wife should sleep in separateapartments
aDr. Hall may sleep where he
chooses, but for 1himself he intends to
sleep where he can defend his wife
against rats and all other nocturnal.
foes, as long as hedhassonetoI defend"
wealthy oil operator, recently rel
ceived a letter written intasdelicate fem
fines hand, from an Eastern, city, in
which the fair writer said 81 hear5ou
are very wealthy, and would not miss a
y few dollars orso, and as / am on the eve
of getting married to a poor but indus
trious man, 1 thought maybe you would
send me a little money If you will send
me $4,000 it will make me perfectly
happy roEE.sTFs1 l@1& .,sta .ss1 e
sJohn," said a poverty stricken man
to his son, "I've made my will to-day
eAh," replied John. "You we're liberal
to me, nosdoubt-'' Eyes, John, 1 came
down handsome. I've wIlled you the
oHwhole. State!of Virginia to make q living
in, with the privilege of going elsewhere
if you can do better" -.so-5
re CoURTNG=Her is a specimen of the
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES mode of courting, as
IL WIS QOIO III OOLlllSCtISOAbs SoN
s,t Maryin, a large ,~landho1der and most ex
II emplary-man, accomplished his in
businesss4like, way :.st.ns.s %
Tg Having one day mounted his horse
sZwithSa shee-pskin fora saddle, he rode Ill
front of the house where Bette Lee lived:
and without d~ismounting, requested Bet.
tie to come to him.. On coming, he tolo
her the Lord had sent himito marry her
Bette replied:
1.-THE Lords will be done '''.-e7
'~"s ANNoYED-A Prussian cavalry officel
/" who was badly wounded at the battle o
L~>rGraVelotte, was greatly. annoyed by tn!
.A~cries of some wounded soldiers lying
hear him. He stood the annoyance a
-,sAIong as he could, and h testify called
1out : "Stop your bowling over there
Dosyou think you are the only person
killed in this fight?"
esFREE WITH HIS STAMPS 1.-THE Wash
ingto correspondent of one of the New
York Journals tells how the Commission
er of Patents lately received, from tn,
west, an assignment-of a patent OIL
which were internal revenue stamps tt
81 the amount of $I69, just $16S 95 mex
cess of the amount required by law. Thl
~ owner, doubtless, supposed the assign
~ ment required a stamp of five cents TO
every 500 of the amount received for tn,
sale of the patent, as the stamps were al
h carefully cancelled. His mistake result
-ihin the aforementioned addition to tn
-, of the Government, and cor
responding loss to himself, as the PENALTY
of want of information. 'sAs' e
THE PuNCTUAL MAN.-Mr. Higgin
was a very punctual man in all his trans
actions through life. He amasSed a larg
fortune by untiring industry and punctu
atty, and at the advanced age of ninetl
a. years, was resting quietly on his bed, an
E1calmly waiting to be called away. H
had deliberately made almost every ar
rangement for his decease and burial
His pulse grew fainter, and the light G
life seemed just fickering in its socket
when one OF hissons remarked:
EEFather, you will probably live but
day or two is it not we'll foryouto nam
your bearers ?' s-.-a }z~~ -aBL
etTo be sure, my son. said theSdyin
man., Sits well Thought of, landIHi
do it now" sassf
@A He gave the names of six, the usu;
number, and sank back exhausted on h
pillow.
A CLEAN of Thought passed over h
withered featuresoli like ray of light, an
he rallied once more EMy son read til
list. Is the name of Virgins there"2
So @%It is, father.@ +=zr isI = as-~
n.-aaThen strikezft offiin said he empha
ically, "for. he was never p~unctual--.w:
never anywhere in season; and he migl
hinder the procession a whole hour"
SUCH A DUMPLNG.-The captain
one of the largest steamboats, rurni
81 on the Potomac was astonished oneeda
lately, as his boat touched the landing
=. one of the riverside watering-places n
asgreat distance from Washington, to 81
all the guests assembled with their ba!
gage ready to take passage for the cit
In making inquiries as to the eau
this general exodus he soon discovert
that thereby hung a tale-a cats.
appears the fare at the hotel had dis
greed with the boarders, and not Statistic
with complaining they took FrenC
leave. A batch of dough had been pr
pared for the oven-and placed on the t
bic. A playful kitten thought it wou
be nice fun to run oVer it, it looked
81 snowy, warm, and tempting. Kit
tried it and soon found her delicate lit
~ feet sinking in the dough. She struggle
to escape, but was only to sink deep
and deeper until this youthful cat disa
.peared entirely, and so like young Loo
{ invar went into the yeast. She neV
%. arose again. but the bread did. 1t clos
over the unfortunate specimen, not lea
ing a hair apparent. Cooky OF cour
was not aware instead of having a loaf
= bread she had q Kitten dumpling, al