The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-05-23

N~N'A
Bs5" What is the difference between a
chilly man and warm dog? One wears
a great coat and the other pants
Rs5~ An editor who served four days
on jury says he is so full of law that
it is hard to keep from cheating some
body.
Bay" My DEAR" said an afectionate
spouse to her husband, sam | not your
only treasure ?" "Oh, yes" was the
cool reply; "and l would willingly lay it
up in Heaven"
Day~ A Yankee was walking with an
Irishman on the road to New York and
thinking to roast his companion, said to
him: " Where would you be now, Paddy,
if the devil had his due ?" " Faith" re-
piled Paddy, 81 I'd be walking by myself
to New York"
BS5" There was seen the other day
little boy in the streets of Colosse, N. Y,
crying. A gentleman stepping up to the
little fellow said " My little man, what
is the matter p to which he responded:
" I've got the stomach ache, and I'll have
it again if I've mind to?"
Hey- Two Irishman disputing about
about their pedigree, suggests the best
idea Of respectable ancestry " My an
cestor," said one Paddy, {" was an invited
guest in the ark" "To the divil wild
yer ark" rejoined his fellow Hibernian
"Pd have you understand that my pro-
genitor had boat of his own"
BGg~ Judge B, in reprimanding a
criminal, among other names called him
a scoundrel. The prisoner replied, " Sir,
l am not as big scoundrel as your hon
or,"-here the culprit stopped, but finally
added, takes me to be-" Put your
words closer together" said the judge,
reddening.
Begn That was very happy uncon-
scious pun which Prof O., of Ro-
chester University ,perpetated in his class
room, the other day. He had been dilat-
ing to some extent on the character and
career of Lylwarch Hen, the Norwegin
poet, and wishing to illustrate the an
thor's style, he remarked 4" l will read
you one of his lays" A smile came over
the faces of few students at this, which
gradually spread, until the whole class
was in. a tumult Of laughter before the
professor saw his joke.
Bsgn A Dutchman in Sheridan's army
brought in a rebel prisoner one day, and
said he had found him in the woods
both we're lost, and they agreed to get out
Of the woods, "and if it is so pc we make
rebel lines | was to be his prisoners, and
if ter were ter Union lines, he is mine
prisoner" The rebel confirmed the
Dutchman's story, and said 81 was
tired totting the gun and wanted to sell
out cheap for cash Or hard tack"
BSg~ The Helena Gazette tells story
of young man from that city who speut
few months in st. Louis last winter.
1t says that one cold day he walked into
the Southern Hotel, and looking in vain
for stove, asked the clerk if there was
no place where he could warm himself
The clerk, smiling urbanely, escorted the
Colonel" to a register, and told him to
stand on the CRATE and he would soon get
warm The "Colonel" was much pleased
Later in the day, while perambulating
about the city, becoming rather chilly, he
esped coal-grate in the sidewalk. Here,
hesthought, was another heater" and
he would improve the opportunity by
warming his feet A few minutes later
passer-by heard him calculate "These
things may do very well for hotel, but
they amt worth a d-n to warm the city"