Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1871-07-23

To show her would master be,
I'd whip her with feather!
If then she, IKE 3 naughty gill,
Would tyranny declare 1t,
I'd give my love Cross Of pearl
Andmake her always bear it.
If still she tried to sulk and sigh,
And threw away my posies,
I'd catch my darling on the sly.
md smother her with roses
But should she c'ench her dimpled fists,
Or contradict her bstters,
I'd mAna.le her tiny wrists
With dainty golden fsttersi
And if she dsred her lips to pou.,
Like mSny pert young misses,
I'd wind my arm her waist about
And punish ner with kisses
"WiI you have me, SARAH" said q
young man to q modest girl. '.No, John,
but you can have me, if you will"
A sarcastic young lady says she never
was so much in love with man that two
rainy days together in a country house
would not effectually cure her.
The romance of elopement is sadly
neutralized in New York by the incon-
siderste manner in which the injured pa
rents invariably forgive the delinquents
and give them grand receptions.
An Indiana county clerk has found in
his office certificate which reads:
''This is to certify that l, William Sands,
is agreed Il 1t Jim Brown shall heV mi
Daughter Patsey to wife this 17Ih Of
genewerry, 1911"
According to one of the resolutions
lately adopted at woman's rights meet
sGn,,a Of tho IataefaJla ;,bA
ever seen is a parcel of old bachelors
lounging around smoking and talking
about the horrors of married life."
The highest price ever paid for liter
airy contribution in periodical was given
by Punch TO Douglass Jerrold for his
''advice to people about to marry The
price was twenty-five dollars a word
but there was only one word of the sd
vice: "Don't.n
A Ridgefield young man just married,
being congratulated on his marriage, was
asked where he married his wife. He
said in Long Ridge. 'tAh," spoke up
neighbor, with deep feeling, "those Long
Ridge gals make clever wives; have had
three of EN-"
A careful investigator has sscertained
that when newly married couple reach
| hotel, the bridegroom enters in the reg
lister MIR. So-snd so and wife, but when q
man for whom years have destroyed the
| novelty Of the situation puts down the
names, it is Mr.. and Mrs. Such-s- Ole.
The old style of presenting each guest
at wedding with 3 box, containing
liberal slice of wedding cake to take
| home and dream on, has again come in
| fashion, and is much more sensible and
agreeable 10 al parties than having very
elaborate cake in the centre of the table
for every one to look at.
4 lady says engagements are very IN
satisfactory sort of affairs, for if you are
afraid to be polite and attentive, the gen.
| tleman thinks you do not care for him;
and you are afraid to be polite for fear
the engagement might be broken off,
when you would be sorry to think you
had wasted 80 much sweetness on some
other woman's husband.
a story is told of father in church,
who, when the marriage service came TO
the point where the clergyman asks,
''Who giveth this womsn % be married
to this man 7" replied, "Well, sir, l am
called to do it, although it DO go agin the
grain. / wanted her TO marry Bill PlOWS
ser, who is worth twice the money o. that
there man." The answer was not con-
sidered regular.
When you stop at fashionable hotel
on your bridal tour, always write on the
register in careless way, "Mr. and Mrs.
Snifkins," instead. of 'TheOdorus Sniff
kins and wife, which is the way green
horns do it. So shall the scrutinizing
hotel clerk be deceived SIS 10 the length
of your marital days, and you may escape
the two hundred per. cent invariably added
to the bills of the people in the honey
moon.
A young lady of Louisville, having re-
ceived very urgent proposals of marriage
from an old gentleman, sent the follow
ing answer by mail:
| "Why thus urge me to compliance?
| Why compel me to refuse7
| Yet, though court not your alliance,
| Perchsncs younger may ch ,ose;
For tits state I'll neer disparage,
Nor will war against it wage;
| do not sir, object TO marriage,
| but dislike to marriage"
the following names are indeed appro-
| pirate for the uses mentioned:
| For an auctiOneer's wife-Bid-dy.
For q generals wife-Sally.
For sports wife-Bet ty.
For fisherman's wife-Net ty.
For shoemaker's wife-Peg gy.
For transfers wife--Car-rie.
For lawyers wife-Sue.
For a printers wife-Em.
For druggists wife-Ann Eliza.
For carpet mans wife-Mat-tie
The way q young lover warbled 'tI'm
lonely, to night, love, without thee, -
under his Dulcinea's window, in Boston,
the over evening, was very affecting,
until the old gentleman let loose the two
dogs in the back yard. The sentimental
youth had no occasion to complain Of
loneliness after that. His new pants cost
$14, and he wears square foot of stick
ing plaster inside of them somewhere.
For the next week or tive, he thinks, he
will imbibe his hash perpendicularly at q
lunch counter. It's healthier that way,
and he doesn't really care about "sitting
on the stile, Mary" or anything else at
present
We have frequently heard of men who
had i'll luck in marriage; but Thomss
Francis, of Albany, has been particularly
unfortunate in that relation. His first
wife killed herself thirty-fOur years ago;
nine years after, his second spouse ran
away from him, and died of restitution
in Illinois; six years later his third con-
sort was drowned. In 1858 his fourth
helpmate was killed, and he, having been
convicted of the murder, was sent TO
prison for life, but pardoned out. In