The Lincoln County herald., 1871-05-25
After dark chasing a negro.

After dark chasing a negro.
The shape of a kiss-a-lip- tic-al.
The laps of time-our old coat tails.
One key to Irish grievances -whis key
A moose paper-a marriage certificate.
Cat music is done purr puss.ly, isn't it2
Can a lover be called suitor when he
don't suit err
The reason colds prevail 10 the head
they attack the weakest point.
How to mako time 60 fast-use the
spur Of the moment.
Hints to mothers your baby
kindly, but not cordial ly.
What become, Of the hints people keep
on dropping, so few are picked up?
Curious. IF twice eleven are twenty.
two, how can twice ten be twenty too.
Milk il good for babies; curd is not /;
neither should you let them have their
whey.
Why arc you wrong in saying my sis.
ter's name is Mary2 Because it's lie
sir--I mean Eliza.
The following advertisement was in an
Eastern paper recently: "Wanted by q
boy, q situation in an eating house. He
is use to he business"
In the window shop in an obscure part
Of London is this announcement: Goods
removed, messages taken, carpets beaten,
and poetry composed on any subject"
"What kind Of pens do you sell here,
mister" asked boy of a staioner. "We
keep all kinds, you young vagabond,"
was the rude reply. ooh, you do, do
you? Well, then, III take ten cents
worth Of pig pens.
A clergyman asked some children,
"Why do we say in the Lords prayer,
who art in heaven, since God is every.
where?" He saw little drummer boy
who looked as If he could give an answer,
and turned to him for it: swell, little
soldier, what do you say2" "Bccause
it's headquarters"
"That man." said wag, "came to
Nashua forty years ago, purchased o
basket, aud commenced gathering rags.
How much do you suppose he is worth
now z 1t was conundrum We could
not answer. "Nothiug," ho continued
after . pause. land he owes for the
basket"
A thickheaded squire being worsted by
Sidney Smith in au argument, took his
revenge by exclaiuing: If had . son
who was an idiot, BY Jove, I'd make him
u parsonl'' "Very probable" replied
Sydney, "but SEQ your father was Of .
different mind" ..., '..f
"Bob Brown, did yon say my father
had not Is much sense as Billy Smiths
little yellow dog2" "No; l never said
any such thing. I never said that your
father had not as much sense as Billy
Smiths yellow dog. All said was. that
Billy little yellow dog had more sense
than your father; that's all l ever said. "
"Well. it's we'll you didn't say the other,
l tell you"
An eminent journalist 10 Kalamazoo,
Michigan, declared in his paper that o
rival editor had seven toes. The rival
editor, thereupon, came out 10 double.
loaded article, in which be denounced the
}statement % untruthful. and declared
that the author Of it was . liar and q
scoundrel." The eminent Journalist re
Piled that he didn't for Q moment wish
to have il understood that be meant that
oil seven Of those toes were on one foot.
And now the rival editor tries to avoid
tho public seoru BY asking his readers
seriously, "Are these subjects which
ought to bs discussed in organs, whose
duty it 10 to mould public opinion ?"
"Aton." Of the Harvard Advocate,
visited the Freooh fair, and thus reports
his experience:
Young Lady-Sir, wouldnt you like
to buy some tickets 10 punch bowlr
Atom--No, thank you, I never drink.
Young Lady (insinatingly) - Well.
wouldn't you like to bay some cigars,
thenf
Atom with q very grave face)-No,
thank you, never smoke.
Young Lady (losiug patienoe) We'll,
Id ofer you some soap, 8 I though.
4yn0 evar w>ahad.