The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-06-08
WIT AND HUMOR.

young man for cutting of his nous
tachc, put in the plea that he didn't see
it.
III thought you told me, doctor
that'Smith's fever had gone ofT ooh,
yes; bat it and Smith went off togeth-
cr."
---"You want nothing, do your
said Pat. "Bodad, an If its nothing.
ye want you'll t md in tie jug where
the whisky was"
--"lt is forty years, my old friend
John, since we were boys together"
"ls it? Well don't speak 80 loud, for
there's that young widow in the otLor
room"
--"W oman's deluson madam.'
exclaimed crusty old bachelor 10 a
witty young lady. "And man is al.
ways hugging some dcluson or other"
was the quick retort.
One Of Philade'phia's mean young
men insists that an action against him
Tor breach of promise Of marriage
vii! not hold, because contracts made
on Sunday are not binding.
Said an old gnetleman 10 bis
daughter: "Be sure, my dear, you
never marry Il poor man; but remem.
Der that the poorest man in the world
is one who has money and nothing
else.'
--"W hisky isyour greatest enemy
But" said Mr. Joues, "don't the Bt.
BILE say Mr.. Preacher, that We are to
love our enemies: :" Oh, yes, Jones,
but it don't say we are 10 swallow
them"
A rich farmer re fused IL sub.
scribe for au iron fence fora cemetery
in Vermont, on the plea that it needed
no fcuce, as those inside cannot ges
out, and those who are out do nav
want to get in.
AN exchange says, 1--WE are In re-.
ceipt Of two poems ono On the
'Throbbing B.ain,' and the other on
a Beating heart" We will wait until
we receive one on the Stomach Ache"
and publish all three together.
--"Miss, will You take my arm e.
asked an old bachelor. "La! yea, and
you too" said the young Lady" "Can
only spare the arm Miss" hastily re-
Piled the bachelor. Then" said Miss,
Il can't take it, as my motto is to 80
tue whole hog, or none at ALL
"A little girl, when her fathers
table was honored by an esteemed guest.
began talking very earnestly at the first
pause in the conversation. Her father
checked her very sharply, saying:
why is it that you always talk SO
much ~ "Tause I've dot soTesin to
say" was the innocent reply.
"A clergyman was lately depicting
before deeply interested audience
the alarming increase of inlemperance,
when le astonished his hearers, by ex-
claiming GA young man in my neigh.
borhood died very suddenly last Sun
day, while | was preaching the goa.
pei in Il beastly state Of ntoxication"
Sir said an irate Old rascal Of
q Judge, "diu YOU say this court can
he blihcd for peck Of beans! - Re-
tract sir, or will fine you for con-
tempt" "Well, Judge" replied the
lawyer, I'll take il back--but." said
he, aside, "I'll be hanged, if l don't
believe it could be bought up for half
apeck."
"A school teacher spelled the word
g-r-a-c e, and asked scholar to pro.
nounce it. He gave it up, when the
teacher to refresh his memory, asked
him. What did your father say this
morning before eating breakfast p
The boy thought u minute, and finally
said: PA said 'D---n these eggs,
they're rotten ~.
"A lad arrested few days ago fos
theft, when taken before thl magistrate
and asked what his occupation was,
frankly answered.: Stealing" Your
candor astonished me- said the Judge.
Il thought it would" replied the lad,
''seeing how many big uns there be in
the same business as is ashamed to own
up to their trade"
A drug clerk in Newark recently
put up prescription for a young la.
div friend, of dose Of castor oil.
She innocently inquired how it could
bo taken without tasting it. He prom.
ised to explain to her, and in the
meantime proposed to drink a glass
Of soda water with her. When he
had finished, he said: my friend, YOU
have taken your oil and did not know
it," The young lady was nearly era
", and cried, oh, dear, it wasn't for