The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-01-20
sCISSORIS6S.

In Japan a person can live comforta-
bly, on two cents day. That doesn't
tempt us to 20 there.
Pooling with bear was the primary
cause of Detroit mans retirement ffot9(
business and the settling of his estate. r5
swell. Bridget, can you scour tih-ware
with alacrity" "No. mum, a always
scours them with sand"
The late Thomas Hood describes the
meeting between a man and lion, "when
the man ran off with all his might and the
lion with all his name"
A man living in Kansas City has full
set of furniture made of the tree on which
his father was hung ten years ago. What
pleasant memories, sitting in the arm
chair.
two dollars were handed to Jersey
City Judge as marriage fee, with a re-
tuest for fifty cents change to enable the
newly married couple to get home 4
Teaeher-"Why was Joseph put into
the pit?" Thomas (who goes TO the the
alter on week days)-'Because there was
no room in the family circle"
A little dumb boy, when asked what
forgiveness was, wrote upon iris slate {
this beautiful reply: 1.-The odor which .
Siolets breathe out when trampled on.
Patience IL exemplified in the man who
left his wagon while his horse baked. sat
on a stump and read the Bible till the
animal was hungry enough to go home
There is place up in Indiana where ;
they have got an old town clock, and the
people are talking about building town
to it. What pleasant time they must
have. e @eI4s
The heathen Chinee is queer person
to 90 to market. A friend a: San Fran
cisco writes that a neighbor of his had
jus. laid in his winters provisions
hind-quarter of horse and 2 barrels OF
bulldogs. s@i;a :
A rather fast youth was relating the
experience Of his voyage across tho !
ocean to sympathi,ing friend. Said he:
"I tell you what, old fellow, there's one
good thing about it, though. You can get
as tight as you please every day, and ev-
elybody thinks you're only seasick.
An Irishman decapitated turtle, and
afterward was amusing himself BY put
sticks into its mouth, which it bit with
violence. A lady who saw the proceed
inys. exclaimed, "Why, Pat, thought
the turtle was dead 2" $50 it is, ma'am,
but the crather's not sensible Of it. ia4e
A man was indicted for felony. His
innocence was proven; but Notwithstanding
this the jury found him guilty. The Judge
was shocked, and aro.e ana said: Cen
tlemeu, the prisoners innocence was
clearly proven" "Yes." said the fore
man. ahe is innocent of the crime now
charged against him, but he stole my gray
mare last Christmas" s4!'
A gentleman playing cards at Baden
Baden, was much annoyed by an inquis-
tive stranger, who stood beside him and
pried into his hand At last he took =
pinch of snuff and administered it to his
tormenter, Immediately saying, "I beg
your pardon, but You were so near me.
sir, that naistook your nose FOR my OWL"
The inquisitise stranger had friend outs
side-a handkerchief eass
A Mr.. Gridley, who az. .vertises tract
Of land for sale IN Georgia, among othor,
recommendations, s.ys: s'The. land is.
said to be very valuable. bus never
could get within half milo Of it, not
having any Canoe at my command. It's,
warranted to yield from thirty to forty
bushels Of hall-frogs, to the acre, and.
alligntors enough. to fence' the entire'
tract"
A Down-Easter aaFertisess for . wifs'
in the. following manner: "Any gall,
what's got u COW, q good feattier-bedlwithi
comfortable fixins, $500 in the hard pew
ter-one that's had the measles and un-
dersiands tending children-can, find .
customer for life by writing small billy
dux, addressed to @. q, and stickin' it
in crack Of Uncle Ebensser's barn,
back side, iipin' the hog-pcn."