The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1871-11-04
WAS uT LOVE Or oxE0ksr

Her frunt name was Maria-the rest
of her appelation is unimportant.
loved TO call her Maria and she loved TO
call me Google.
Take the three graces, nine muses.,
Vic. Woodruff and half doz2n Venuses
de Medlci, and sling 'em all into con-
glomerate heap, and you have the perfect
image of my charmer.
Beautiful Oh, myl As 1 picture
her in my minds eye | am thrown into
the most violent ecstatic jimjams, and |
am compelled to take several refresh :
ments TO keep down my transports.
Her eyes, ears, nose, chin and watch
chain were Incompatible, and she tripped
over the pavements, in her No. CATERS,
with the grace of an imported English
sparrow.
would have done anything for that
damsel short of dying for her. | Icouldn t
do that my friends esteemed my life too
precious.
Iavished fractional currency upon her
at all hours of the day and night Ice
cream venders AMI five cent soda water
merchants knew me as famiariy as | do
my own washorwoman, and their money
tilIs fairly groaned with the evidence Of
my prodigslity,
But the fair one that | thus nourished
under my waistcoat turned TO be boa
constructor of extraordinary dimensions,
and siupg me. Oh, how deeply! | feel
ii away down in my boots.
called on her one Sabbath morning
as usual, to take her to church. She
received me affectionately, l may say
gushingly. but excused herself Oh account
Of depressing headache.
Poor little thing! My heart must
have bled about cupful at her anguish,
and | couldn't refrain from giving her
a cents worth of peppermint drops on the
spot, to comfort her in her afiliction.
She fell upon my diamond cluster and
wept, whilst my side whisbers luivered
with agony. | imprinted a boiling kiss
upon her plaster-paris brow, and then tore
myself away from her entwining arms |
proceeded to church alone, took free
seat, and was soon intensely wrApt In my
devotions.
| hadn't been there long before | hap
pened to turn my eyes around, when, y,
shades of Susan b. Ar tlony what a
notwithstanding. boiler busting, choleTa>
morbus sight burst upon nc in all its
hideousness. Maria, my Maria sitting
alorg with another fellow, chewing cream
drops and gazing admitingly upon his
iacquered musiache. | kne" him, Hora-
ito, IA destroyer of rank cigars and a noto-
rious gormandizer of t:ee lunches
tried to become interested in the SER
mon after that, but couldn't do it, and
in my rage I'm afraid placed a ten cent
stamp, of dubious nature, on the collec-
ton plate. | staggered home and didn't
do anything else all that afternoon but
fighting mosquitoes, my spirits were~so
much depressed. l determined to call
uron the perfidious Maria that evening
and renounce her in No. style
The mantle OF night was gradually be-
ing slipped over the terresial sphere,
when | might have been seen vending M
way upon my stern mission Of duty, my
raven locks gently floating in the evening
breeze and my tight boots occasionally
extracting sigh Of distress, bot on, on,
I pursued my course until / arrived At the
domicle OF her who was once the idol of
my affections.
found her in the garden all alone, at
least-that was the fattcring JUNCTION that
| laid unto my unsuspecting soul
''Maria," says in sort of a weeping
willow voice, "Maria has it come to
this After all the stamps I've lavished
upon you, not to mention the sqaeezings
and huggings which have performed free
of charge, to be thus given what is vul-
carly termed 'the dirty shaker O,
ingratitude! Thou google eyed monster
how sharper than a bed bugs toe nails it
is to be treated in such a manner!''
''Georgie, George! !" she exclaimed,
bursting into a handful of tears, ''fts all a
mistake, assure you, lis all mistake"
Il should think it was a mistake" |
replied, my necktie heaving with emotion,
"a mighty big mistake 10 prefer that long
legged snoozer to the first-class individual
who now addresses you. Let me but
cnce get crack at his lemon, and I'll
| didn't have time to finish the threat
on account of my coat collar being
srasped from behind by some body's
claws, and in moment after, a most
furious and uncomfortable bombardment
was instituted against my coat tails by
somebody patent feathers, followed by an
ungentlemaniy blow upon my steak pul>
verizers and winding up by singing me
over the garden wall, with no more re-
gard for my feelings than if | was de-
funct feline
l haven't felt the slightest desire since
then to go near that place to find out who
that was that violated the sanctity of my
person upon that occasion l have nv
suspicious though. l learned that Maria
married that free luncher week after
wards.