The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-05-21
WIT AND WIsDOM.

A wooden wedding-Marrying block
head.
An attached couple-A pair of oyster.
shells.
A shocking Undertaking electric ma.
chimes.
The bow of ship is no evidence of its
politeness.
How to nuke time go fast-Use the spur
of the moment.
What grows bigger the more you con-
tract itf Debt.
A consolation for the ladies-!This world
abounds in Interpretations.
If sixteen drains make one ounce, how
many will destroy all scruplesf
Life is the greatest of conundrums, be-
cause every body has to give it up.
Jones teaches book keeping in one les
son of three words, " Never lend them"
An old bachelor compares life to a shirt
button, because it 30 often hangs by a
thread.
Don't go to law unless you have nothing
to loose lawyers' houses are built on fools
heads.
Is "grass widows" husband "roving
blade Z" If so, should the widow put on
weeds Z"
A doctor was asked to dance the lancers.
He declined, but expressed willingness
10 lance the dancers.
Getting into debt is like mouse getting
into trap-very easy going in but ex-
tremely difficult getting out.
Many girl thinks she can do nothing
without a husband, and when she gets one
finds che can do nothing with him.
witness on being asked if her state
ment was the ,chole truth, replied, "Indeed
it is, and not half the truth either"
o;rn WookarD roo.3e EsRoots
BACKED inside" Most persons prefer the
old way of backing them, on the outside.
Two speakers at meeting having spoken
without manuscript, third said he would
keep to the ,crite, and proceeded to read his
address.
What should man carry with him when
calling upon his affiancedf Affection in
his heart, perfection in his manners, and
confection in his pockets.
A teacher of music asked an old lady if
her grandson had an ear for music. ."
really don't know" she replied; "won't
you take the candle and seef"
81 think you said your came was Mary 2"
asked a lady of her new servant girl. "No,
mem, not exactly Mairey-its Sairey, and
you spells it with hess instead of a hem."
"Shall help you to alight 7" said
young gentleman, addressing bouncing
country girl, who was preparing to jump
replied, " but don't smoke"
+ his, one Sunday morning, who smelled
strong of alcohol, to keep his mouth shut,
or the establishment would be indicted for
keeping rum-hOle open on Sunday.
The watches owned by the colored people
in Savannah always have exactly the same |
time of day, because those benighted citi-
zens have a habit of regulating them daily |
1,,yo 1or fch ;ax oil rSo
Isign.
more in conundrums. He recently asked
bis wife the difference between his head
Rand hOgshead, and abe said there was
none. He said that was not the right an
aBwer. and left.
A new-mnde minister, having occasion to
marry q couple as his first official act, and
there being quite an assemblage present,
he determined to strike them dumb with
Rwe, and 30, in winding up, he said, 81
pronounce you man and wife, and the Lord
have mercy on your sinful soulsw
what is baby crying for. Maggie 2" al
2don't know, mamma" "And what are you
looking 30 indignant about Z" "That mas
greedy dogs been and eaten my sponge
eake." "Why, Maggie, 1 saw you eating
was baby's."
One of the most affecting incidents of the
Paris siege is embraced in the story of a
young lady who was SO overcome by her
appetite as to eat her beloved lap-dog.
After hearty meal she looked down at the
little heap of bones tears fell from her
eyes. "Poor Bijou I" she exclaimed, show
he would have enjoyed them"
In visiting a school not long ago a class
was mp for review in general science. They
were evidently cup to snuff" in answering
promptly. The first question was, what is
hail :" The answer was prompt and loud,
I" Hail is frozen rain" "What is snow 2"
J" They frequently fall the size of hens
eggs"
The have smart children at Martha's
Vineyard. A little six-year-old daughter
OF Methodist minister committed a fault,
and denied it. Her mother learning she
was guilty, asked her why she told the uu-
truth, when she replied with great GOODNESS,
should not if l believed as you and
father do, but am universalist." I
Intelligent young lady at Boston art re-
ception: "Io and Jupeter! Who were 10
and Jupeterf" "Io was transformed by
Jnpeter into a-n Intelligeut Young lady.