Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1871-07-26
THE JOSH BILLINGS PA
PERS.
s.what Kno AbouE Pbarmin.,

p" A~so HAo oOOut PudII1ln II hhoSSA,
little. Mi buzzum friend, Horace Greel- |
ey, haz nit book with the abuv name, |
and altho haven't had time to peroose it,
yet don't hesitate to pronounce il bully. |
Pharmin (now dsze) is pretty much all |
theory, and therefore its astonishing that |
man kan live in New York and be |
good chsncery lawyer, and also kno all |
about phsrmin.
A pharm (now dsze) of one hundred |
akers will produce more sbuckwheat and |
pumkins, run on theory, than it would |
sixty years ago, run on manure and hard |
knOks.
There is nothing like book farming, and |
the time will eventually come, when a
man wont hav too hav only one of "Josh |
Billings Farmers Allmsnax," to run a
pharm, or kamp meeting with.
Even now it ain't uncommon, tew sc |
three or four hired men, on phsrm, |
with three or four spans of oxen, all |
standing still, while the boss goes into the |
library, and reads himself for the days |
blowing.
If was running pharm (now dsze) |
l suppose | would rather nav Sc bushels |
ov sum new breed OF potatoes RACED on !
theory, then tew hsv 81 bushels got in
the mean, beknighted and underhand way
oY our late lamented grand parents.
Pnarmin, after all, is a good deal like
the tavern Dizziness, emmy body thinks
they kan keep hotel, (now daze), and
emmy body thinks they kan pharm it (now
daze), and they kan, but this is the way
that poor hotels cum tew be so plenty,
and this is likeWize what makes pharmin
such easy and profitable bizzness.
Just take the theory out of pharmin,
and there amt nothin left, but hard work,
and all fired little krops.
When see so mulch pholks rushing
into theory pharmin, as there is (now
dsze, and so menny oV them rushing out
sgin, think ov that remarkable piece ov
skriptur, which remarks, enemy are
called, but few are chosen"
| Onst took pharm on shares miself,
and run her on some theories, and the
thing figured up thus way, dun all the
work, FURNISHED all the seed and manure,
had the ague monts out ov II, for mi
share ov the profits, and the other phel-
low paid the taxes on the phsrm for his
share.
By mutual konsent quit rhe pharm st
the end Ov the year.
What know about pharmin amt wath
Dragging about, and feel it my duty to
state, for the benefit Ov mi kreditOrs, that
if they ever expekt me 70 pay five cents
on dollar, they mustn't start me in the
theoretical phsrmin employ.
If man really is anxious tew make
mummy on pharm, the less theory he
lays in the better, and he must do pretty
much all the work hisself, and support
his family on what he kant sell, and go
ragged enuff all the time tew hunt bees.
kno of menny farmers who are SO
afflicted with supervision that they wont
plant single bean only in the last quar-
ter Nv the moon, and kno others so
pregnant with science that they wont set
gate post until they have had the
ground anslized bi sum professor OF anst-
| omy tew see if the earth haz got the right
kind of ingredience for post holes.
This IL what call running science
into the ground.
The fact oV it IL that theories of all
kinds work well except in prsktiss; they
are too often designed to do the work Of
praktiss.
They amt no theory in breaking mule
only tew 90 st him with club in your
hand and sum blood in your eye, and
brake him, just as you would split a
log.
What knO about pharmin amt with
much emmy how, but undertook to brake
kicking heifer once.
l read treatiss on the subjekt and
phOllowed the direckshuns cluss, and l
got knokt endwaze in about minits. l
then set down and thought the thing over.
made up my mind that the phellow
who wrote the treatiss was more in the
treatiss bizzness than he was in the kick
ing heifer trade.
l com to the konklushun that what ne
knu about milking kicking heifers he had
learnt bi leauin over a barnyard fence,
and writing the thing up.
got up from my retlekshuns strength
eued, and went for thAt heifer.
will draw 8 val. over the language
used, and the things did, but went in
to win, and wonl
That heifer never bekum COW.
This is one way to brake kicking heif
er, latter a man has studyed all the boOksir
kreashun on the subject, and tried then
on, he will fall back onto mi plan, anC
make up his mind, as did, that kicking
heifer is wurth more for beef than she il
for theoretic milk.
l have worked on phsrm Just Ions
ennff tn kno that there is no prayers SO
good for poor land as manure, and no
theory kan beat II hours each da, (sun-
daze excepted of honest labur applied t
the sile.
l an en- old-phashioned phellow, ant
hartily hate most nu things, bekause hay
been beat by them so often.
l never knu phsrm that was worked
pretty mulch bi theory, but what wa
: for sail or tew let in few years, and
never knu a phaTm that was wurked b
, manure and muskle, On the good old ig
: norant way on our ancestors, but VIVA
! was handed down from father to son, ant
: alwas waz noted Tor raising brawny
armed boys and buxom lasses, and fus
rate potatoes.
What l kno about pharmin, is nothing
: but experience, and experience now daz
sin't wuth kuss.
, l had rather hsv good lookin theor
{ tew kelch flats with, than the experienc
5 even of Methusler,
l Experience is good thing to lay dow
: and die with, hut yu kant do no bizzinee
e with it (noW dazel; it amt hot enutf.
Give me q red hot humbug, and ka
i make most ov the experience in thi
S world ashamed oV itself.-Ne10 Yor
e Weekly.
Prof. ABEL, chemist Of the EDglis
War Department, has perfected the ne7
: explosive agent recently produced by hui
J and called plOric powder. 1t is said
! be peculiarly adapted for employment
! shells. Its merits are that it may b
! readily prepared, that the explosive fore
J is much greater than that of gunpowdel
= 2 and that it may be handled more safel