The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1871-09-14
Conquest Of America-H. &. III the
White House, aud After.


fFron the indianapolis Nowsl
The following is Supposed 10 have been
written in 1892 by Wax adeler who was
witness Ca the terrible C-u,s which &C
cured at the time oi which the story tells.
The English satire, THE Battle of Dork-
ing, supplies the suggestion Tor the pro-
phetic tale:
TIE CONQUEST OF AMERICA.
You ask me - tell you, my children, OF
the events which Immediately preceded
the destruction ot the Gu Try by the pres
ent European rulers, and to say sonnet hing
also of the Cause which leu 10 the deplofa-
bic results. undertake the task with a
heavy heart, for when revert to that ter
ribie time cannot help contrasting our
proud condition up - that fatal year with
the humilia ing position occupied by the
American people The story is a short
one. Ia the fall af 1872, Horace Gre ley,
the editor Of a newspaper in New \ oTE,
was elected President OF tne | uited ST ltes
The people voted for him because they
thought he was an honest man. And
SO he was But he was also vain and
weak, and he entertained certain taratical
and prep0ster1us notiOns-ab0ut agIicul-
tural matters for iustauce-W hich he was
determined 10 force upon the people, at all
hazards, and despite all opposition. He
believed, among other things, that every
man ought to g West to earn his bread,
and long before he was chosen President
he used u advise everybody to move to
that region, as a cure for al the disasters
that could betall the human family.
DRIVING THE sEABoARD POPULATION
WEST.
As soon as he reached the F ,ecutive
ss,G, 4 l4L,
House, Presi ,ent Greeley organized an
army of 100000 men, ard proceeded to
force the entire poIu'a ion OF the sea-
board States We tWard at the point Of the
bqyonet The utmost violence was used
Those who resisted were shot down and
their dead bodies We're carried of to a ma
tional factory which the President had cs-
tabiished for maxim some kind ofIuntaSti-
cal fertilizer. Al the large cities 0fthe East
were depopuiated, and the towns were en-
tirely empty. The army swept before it
millions of mon, women and children, until
the vast plains of Kansas were reached
when tie pursuit ceased, and the army was
drawn up IN 9 Contiaunus line, with orders
to shoot any person who attempted 10 visit
the East. OF course hundreds of thOus-
aGds OF these poor creatures persisted from
starvation. Tnisse- med to brighten PTesi-
dent greeley. aud lie sent message to
Congress recommending that 10000 vol
umcs OF book of his entitled What |
Know About Farming, should be voted
for the reitt Of the starving sufferers.
This was done, ana farming implements
ami seeds were supplied; and then the
millions Of wrctchtd outCastS made an eff
fort to iiil the ground. OF the result of
this ] @lii speak further on.
ALL Eur he IN ARMS AGAINST AMERICA
IN the meantime the President was
dong infinite harm TO the country in an
other way. Ills handwriting was SO fear
fully and wonderfully bad that no living
man could read 1t. And so when he sent
his first annual message to Congress-the
document was devoted wholly to the tariff
and agriculture - a sentence appeared
which subsCqu ntly was ascertained to be
" Large cultivation Of Tutabagas aud b ans
i the only ope OF the American natieu,
| am sure The printers not being able
to interpret this, puJ it i'll the following
form, in which II went to the world The
Gar or Russia couldn't keep clean if he
tshei himself with the whole Atlantic
Ocean one day This peryersion of
the message wa Immediately telCgraphed
to Russia by the Russian Minister and the
Car was 50 indignant that he Immediately
declared war
JUS at this time President Greeley IN
dertuOk u write some letters to Prince
Bismark upon the subject of pOtsto-rot.
and, after giving his singular views at
great length, he concluded with the state
meut that ii tn Emperor William said
that subsO'l blowing was not good III light
soils, or Il guano was better than bone.
dust, he " 5 liar, villain, and slave :"
OF course the Emperor immedi4trly de-
C.arrd var, aud became an ally Of Russia.
and of England, against which country
MIR Greeley had actually begun hostilities
already, because the Queen, in her speech
from the throne had declared the TTi5u1e's
advocacy Of q tariff ON pigiron incendia
~, and calculated to disturb the peace of
nations.
Unhappily this was not the full measure
Of our disasters. The President had sent
to the Emperor IF Austria copy of his
book, What knov,' etc, with his auto
graph upon lily leaf The Emperor mis-
took the signature tor Carricaiure of The
Austrian eagle, and he heartily Joined in
the war against the United States: while
France was provoked to the same act by
the fact nat when the French Minister
came To call upon MIR Greeley t. present
his credentials, tie President who wa,
writing an editorial Il. the time, not com
pretending the French language, mistoOk
the ambassador for beCgar, and without
looking up handed him quarter and an
order tor 8 clean shirt, anu said 10 him,
Go West, young mango West"
PRESIDENT GREELEY AND CABINET
HANGED.
80 all these nations Joined in making
war upon the United States. They
swoOped down upon our coasts and landed
without opposition, for these exposed nor.
tons of cur unhappy country were alb.
solutely deserted The President was
afraid to call away the army from Kansas
at first, for fear the Outraged people upon
the plains would come East In spite of
him. But at last he did summon the
army to his aid, snd it moved to meet the
enemy, Il was too late Before the troops
II sched Cincinnati, the foreigners had seiz-
cd Washington and al the country east
q the Ohio, sud had hung the
/ reSl9ent tue Cabinet, and every member
OF Congress The aTmy disbau6ed in
alarm, and the invaders moved 10 the far
west where they found the population
dying u Starvation, because they had fol-
lowed the advice of Grecley's hook IN
Try, fer your first crop. Ia rsise liynes
and don't plant more thSn s bushel Of
Quicklime in hill" OF course tbaSa
wrctched people were st the mercy of tho
enemy, who-to his credit be it said
treated them kindly, fed them, and brought
them back to their cid homes.
UTTER RUIN or THE REPUBLIC.
You know what followed-how Prince
Frederick William of Prussia assembled