The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-02-26
Morning Star and Catholic Messenger.
KEW ORLEANS, SUNDAY. FEBRUARY %, 1871.

O1sAA1AAASos
WIT AND wIsDOM.
How much does fool weigh, generally I
A simple-ton.
Watering places that remain open all
winter-The mouths Of mi1k-cans.
A wife asked her husband If druggists
kept dye-stuffs for sale. He replied, 'Most
druggists keep little else but die-stnffs."
Mr.. Greeley's last agricultural paper is
on Irrigation. He declares in q cursory
way that the Platte river ought to be
damned. 4
olive and let live," is the rather singu-
lar heading of Maine undertaker's adver-
tisement. Another speaks of his wares as
"woOden overcoats."
Sidney Smith being asked what were his
family arms, replied that the Smiths never
had any arms, and invariably sealed their
letters with their thumbs.
The first day little boy went to school
the teacher asked him if he conld spell.
eyes, sir" "Well, how do you spell boy ~
ooh, just as other folks do"
Small nursery drama" Now, I'll be
Papa, going to fix the furnace" ooh, yes;
and I'll be the new nurse, and you must
kiss me behind the cellar door,"
ton to an article against ardent spirits in
one OF his papers, says, {" For the Effects
of Intemperance' see our inside"
"What's the difference between the
North Pole and the South Pole Z" "Why
all the difference in the world,D replied a
lady, unwittingly; and that's the answer
Opportunity makes the thief" Not in
our case. We found q big anchor and
chain on the sidewalk the other night, and
we didn't touch it; there was nobody about
either.
<rsI <ha rs
subscribers from its list because they were
recently hung. The publisher says he was
compelled to be severe, because he did not
know their present address.
An absent-minded Indianian who started
out after his COW, found the cow-bell in the
road, and, pocketing it, followed its tink
ling for over twenty miles before he re-
membered that it was not on the cows
neck.
A young man in Harrisburg, who loves
dentists daughter, has to get q tooth pulled
once week as an excuse for going to see
her, and he wants to know what excuse he
shall have when his remaining four teeth
have been extracted.
A dissipated and unmannerly nobleman,
presumiEg upon his i" nobility" once asked
Sir Walter Scott, who sat opposite to him
at dinner, what was the difference between
Scott and sot. "Just the breadth of the
table," retorted>Sir Walter.
A French doctor was informed That a
patient, who had left his care aud sought
other advice, had just expired. The learn
cd Esculapius solemnly shook his head at
The news, and progressively remarked,
"That will teach him to change his DOCTOR,
During the war, Barney Williams drop
ped in ut the Olympic, with friend, to lis
ten to an act or two of q new play. The
friend noticed the thinaess of the house,
and remarked that it was probably owing
to the war. "No," replied Mr.. Williams,
1 should judge It was owing to the piece"
In q. case concerning the limits of certain
land, the counsel on one side having re-
marked, with explanatory emphasis, awe
lie on this side, my lord, ," and counsel on
the other side having interposed with equal
vehen,ence, ave lie on this side, my lord"
the Lord Chancellor leaned backward aud
dryly observed, " If you lie on both sides,
whom am to believe 2"
A gentleman who follows the profession
of school teacher, gave out one morning as
q reading lesson to his first class, that por-
ton of the "Merchant Of Venice" in which
the "pcund of flesh" scene occurs. The
reading finished, he asked the class what
shylock meant when en- D he said, "My deeds
boy, "I don't know, unless he carried his
papers in his hat"
A wee lad was brought before one of the
Glasgow babies, who, after reading him
lecture, asded, "Where did you learn so
much wickedness Z" edo We ken the
pump in Glassford street," "No," replied
the bailie. 6. Weel, then, do We ken the
pump in Briggatei 2" eyes, sure" was the
reply. "Weel, then, We gang there and
pump as ye like, for Pm hanged if ye pump
me.n
"What have you got that's good 2" said
hungry traveller, as he seated himself at a
dinner table in Salt Lake City. "ob, we
have roast beef, corn beef, roast mutton,
boiled, fried ham and broiled curlew !"
"What is curlewf" said the stranger:
"Curlew7 Why curlew is bird, some
thing like snipe." :" Did it have wings 2"
eyes" "Couidit fly 2" eyes" "Then
1 don't want any curlew- Anything that
had wings, and could fly, and didn't leave
this id country, don't want for my
dinner
At one of our neighbors' houses was a
bright little girl. 1t CHANGED once that
they had as guest a minister, and an es-
teemed friend. Little Annie watched him
very closely, and finally sat down beside