The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1871-05-11
Glse Uribnue.
FACT, FUN AND FANCY.

A soft blow-a gentle breeze.
A firm friend-an obstinate Quaker.
Mankind embraces womankind.
A tail of misery-the cocktail.
Song Of the oyster-keep me in IN.
little bed
A cool summer is predicted By TIL
weather prophets.
The best receipt for clear complexion
"a clear conscience.
Tuneful lyre-The music teacher who
broke his engagement.
How to elevate the human race send
them up in balloons.
When is a concert singer silent 2
When he holds his piece.
Why is milk like treadmill? Be-
couse it strengthens the calves.
4 man who has tried it says all the
shortcuts to wealth are over crowded.
Tie lights and shades of lfe-A fair
girl with dark hair.
Why are high collars Objectionable P
Because it is better to keep your chole1
down.
What is the best thing to do for a fresh
cold !? Cure it, Of course.
What dinner disagrees with glutton
most? One to which he is not invited
Why is pretty cofuette ike dead
beat?' Because she runs her face. =
A dentist may be said to pick his liv-
~. i tooth
A seed man advertising new variety
of corn, says: 'tOur ears are the largest
to be found.
Does it not seem strange'that man
never goes to a broker until he is already
broken
OF all the bats that fly, none are SO un-
pleasant to encounter as 6rich,-bats.
The popular fallacy that cats have nine
lives may have arisen from the fact that
one kind has nine tails.
Don kiss a painted woman; she is
ike painted fruit-only to looked at, not
tasted.
Summer days breed the widest storms,
and the fercest energy sometimes turks
under quiet exterior.
A city fellow says that farmers are al
ways talking about their plows. He
thinks they run the thing into the ground.
'sAh, parson, | wish I could take my
gold with me" said dying deacon. 1T
might melt" was the consoling reply.
Why is doctor better taken care of
than his patients? Because when he
goes to bed hcs sure to haYe somebody
to rap him up.
&C can that p p pup parrot tt TALK?
asked suffering man Of a German
':Nen he don't talk so gooder as you, I
hoo, by tarn, his bet of. -
Somebody asked Miss Nilsson former
opinion regarding giving women the bal
lot, and her reply was, Give me the
ballad. .
Because Fort Wayne woman kept her
bed bug poison on the same shelf with
her preserves, she don't have to mend
her Johnny's trowsars any more.
A spoony, who gave girl at a fair a
ten dollar bill for one Of her chris, wanted
his money back when told that the entire
b nch cost but three dollars.
Mr.. Strange was lately married to a
lady named Mary Strange in Ohio. This
is indeed strange, but the next thing may
be u little stranger.
The Southe m negroes are so much at
tached to circuses that they date all re-
markable occurrences, births, marriages,
deaths, etc., from the time the ''circus
was yer last"
A lawyer sent young lady set of
bogus jewelry, accompanied by an elo-
quent declaration Of love. She returned
the iewelry and the letter with the re-
Elective intimation that she wanted 'none
of his brass
handsome girl named Isabella
The hand Of Johnny Napes refused
And in return the heartless fellow,
All girls named isabel abused
sect out r she cried, "Tou @acky-Sapes,"
The Isabellas are sosa- grapes n
There is this difference between those
temporal blessings health and money :
Money is the most envied, but the least
enjoyed health is the most enjoyed but
the least envied.
A young gentleman, speaking of a
young beauty's fashionable, yellowish
hair, called it pure gold. ut ought to
be- quoth X. /; it looks like a carrots,
For whom are you concerned ?" asked
Judge of a witty lawyer. II am con-
cerned for the defendant, may it please
your Honor, but | am retained by the
plaintiff was the reply.
An old lady, who was sharply question
ed the other day in court by an angry
lawyer, remarked, on leaving the witness
stand, that she now understood what is
meaut by crosS-examination.
A Boston man disposes of an estate Of
over three millions in viii consisting O.
eleven lines.
In Chiekasaw county, Miss, Mr.. Lo
reno Day married Miss Martha Week
upon which local poet comments as fol-
lows:
a day Is made, week Is lost,
Bat time should complain,
TfereII soon Re little days enough
10 make the week again.
A lady at a theatre inadvertently trot
on gentleman feet.
madame, +" he gently suggested, 'syol