Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1871-01-13
Euntt tat 0nmntisfs.
4 capital spirit-Old Tom.

/
How to make a clean sweep-wash
, him.
Is fondling your neighbours dog eur
rying favor.
The richest man is the one with the
fewest wants.
"I'll serve you out" as the ladl>
said 10 the soup.
When a maiden gets married she
ends a mispent lie.
Prayer for the holidays-Give us
this day our daily bird.
y Bald Country-One where you
can never find hare.
What do you often drop and never
stop to pick up? a hint.
Why is lady's bonnet like a cupola:
Because it covers the belle.
a history of tobacco is announced
in press illustrated with fine cuts.
What is that which must play be-
fore it can work? n fire engine.
An old Bachelors idea-When ia
ken to be well shaken-the baby.
I 4 good member for Grants San
Domingo cOmmission-Prof. Lie-Big.
"I'm off when you talk of working,
as the cork said TO the ginger pop.
Assembled the tin tube" is the po-
lite way OF saying gone up the spout. "
The poor man who tried to carry
ne lay" has been weekly ever since.
Ole Ball will settle in Boston. lie
has been called Hubby" for some
tm.c.
A Western editor reports money
''close, but not close enough to Dc
reached"
An even temperature for Congress
warmed by Wood; cooled by Brooks.
The stage carpenters is precar;ous
life. He i always seen shifting for
! living.
! .At recent Wedding in Lafayette,
/ tie hymn Mas: Come, We disconsO-
E.tc."
1t tax wo horns TO make diIem-
ma auG Il good many more 10 III; Ee II
topper.
Women are like horses-the sac
the harness they have on tie n,ti,r
they feel.
One farmer says that II : eek is so
reduced that he i,as only ii sock Il
chiiAHc- : eft.
Ole Bull is writing a hook 10 he call
ed "Th2 Soul o. the Violin" 1t is NO.
i ioii solo.
p ov rl,:al colnparison-C;ood sill
dresses lTc Ike worms hen trod W
on: IN y vii! ;urn.
The 'o!orcd women Of Ind iana hav,
Il secret order called The Doves ,t
perfe t:oI.'
70 voting Iadics-Kecr your eyce
vide open he.orc marriage, but half
shut afterwards.
/ Why is nm clrphGntthe most m;ser-
able of aujiaa!s3 Because ii The great
ness Of its size lsighs).
An Illinois widow woman 5 temi
zed a. SllGuldering barrel of huur.-
This l. truly the widows NIGH"
Summer thinks the time viii conn
Office. We thouglIt ii had.
To lady railroad trsveIers-For in
fcrnaion respecting the last train ap
ply To the leading dress-maker.
Il have ve~y little respect for the
ties OF this world" as the chap said
wheE the rope was pat acuund his
neck.
An English Snowman threatened to
turn his animals loose if the town did
not grant him u license, and he got ii.
\ pick axc should never be used in
picking apples. 1t has tcndancy to
break down the vines ana damage the
hive.
Philadelphia OFF, to supply III,
French market wi h cats. free. if tn,
French Il my viii only come and catcl
them.
did you know : was hcreo" sui1 |
the bt.inW, to the IRE. ooh. yes. |
always contrivc 10 get vivid OF your
was the reply.
y Philadelphia raper announces t.
its rraGerS that The breath of wintpi |
eli'lls he all" 70 other paper ha.
,Ine news.
\ little 10y o"t west being asked II
he knew where lars went, answered
g. Yes. to New York, to write for the
papers"
The obsorvant Josh Billings says,
{ Men seem to ne now-a-davs to he
divided i3t0 slow Christians and wide
awake sinners.
Says the cantain, az always have
goose at my table on Christmas "Of
G urse youdo, >" answered Quilp, "when
you are at home"
DR.. Chaplin wittily remarked that in
irving to gain two seconds in getting |
on and OF trains, m; ny mel had Sc
cured widows their thirds.
lately appeared the following ! office
Wanted two apprentices who will |
be treated rs one of the family"
A Southern pap9r tells about "Tur
KEY showing her teeth" Oh, pshaw
turkeys don't have teeth. Even Gree
~ knows better than that.
A member of the Illinois LegisIa- |
ture spurns-a free pass ofiel ed him by |
the linOis Central railroad. He does !
not live on the line of the road.
y Chicago paper announced The dis |
covery of gang Of female BURGERS,
and remarks that young men living !
in rooms should be on their guard"
\ very penIrious lady was so atlec- |
ted by "A charity sermon on a recent oc-
clsion Us 10 borrow dollar from her
neighbor and put it in her own pocket.
What's the difference between your /
Inst will and testament and man who !
has eaten as much a. he can? Cne i !
signed aud dated, and the other dincd I
and stated.