The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1871-09-28

THE DEMOCRATIC MoRGuE.
The Corpses that are or not Availabl,
FIR 1870

The Ccrpses that are or not Available
for 1872.
From the indianapolis Journal
Our Democratic contemporaries
are still going among political ceme-
teries in search of some available
candidate for the Presidency. To be
very dead is the one qualification
above all others. On digging up
their subject and unscrewing his
coffin, tho usual tests, including salts
OF ammonia, assatndita, burnt feath-
ers, and the crucial Democratic test,
the smeli of whisky. are applied, and
If there is any stir, any consciousness,
any knowledge of anything trans
piring in this age, the party is screw
ed up, labeled 'to be tried in $780,"
and Recovered.
The devotion to the departed is
seen in some New Jersey resurrec.
tionists, who have exhumed George
B. Mcclellan. He answers well
there is nothing lively he preserves
dignifed inertia, and perhaps may be
sufficiently fragrant in his memories
to satisfy the demands of his wor-
shippers.
The late John I. Hoffman is also
exhibited at the Democratic morgue.
Besides him are the shillelahs of the
anti-Orange mob and keys of Tam
many, symbols of his sudden taking
off. His disease is undisputed, but
the Irish are most emphatic in their
objuratiOns that he is not only dead,
but by this time he also-(see Johns
Gospel, chap. XII. v. 80, and the latter
clause.
Another band, with spade, mattock
and dark lantern, and musty odor,
come forward with the remains Of
the late Salmon p. Chase. They
concede that in this mans lifetime,
he was an Abolitionist, a Lincoln
hireling, the inventor OF legal tenders,
the wholesale manufacturer of bonds
to be paid in coin, the adviser Of the
Emancipation Proclamation, the ad
vocate of the Thirteenth Amendment,
but they say all that was when he
was alive. Standing over his bones,
they triumphantly ask; "Who has
heard from bis lips for four years
anything at all resembling his
ancient words? Who has known
him through that time say aught to
remind the land of his bold, brave
life time. He is dead as Julius
Cesar" All true, but the fear is
that somehow he might come to life
again. and do strange pushing among
Democratic stools.
Some parade ostentatiously the
remains of Reverdy johnson, who
died from an overdose of English
roast beef and plum pudding. Hic
facet. Reverdy's bones are not mar
ketable By costly casket, over.
spread with pail of royal velvet,
stand a few kid-gloved watchers be-
side the remains of Gentleman Geo.
Pendleton. His is very genteel
corpse. 1t is we'll embalmed, and is
Lot SO offensiye as some others.
The liveliest corpse is Frank
Blair's. 1t has boon galvanized SO
highly that it's contortions are hid.
eous, from the lips issue strange dis.
cars i've sounds. Wis watchers are
seated at table loaded with butter
ed watermelon, and their rake tul
glee is strangely dissonant with the
solemnity Of the hour. They pledge
that never again will his tones thun.
der, as in da. s of yore, against the
| annrmitinu of tho slaua pnmar nnrar
again will be uyter scathing denun-
Citations of butternut or copperhead,
never will his sword, now put out OF
sight, CLEAN again in the tore front
Of the armies of freedom but that
only an armed crusade to overthrow
the last three amendments of the
Constitution can call it from it's scab.
bard.
Some 60 to Doolittle's coffin, but
there is only little dust, and in the
relics no slga OF backbone is found.