Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1871-06-15
WITlAND WISDOM.
When to adYertise-now.

.
1 Consistency-Asking a blessing be.
fore eating and abusing the victuals
during the entire meal. ..7l-.-'-...'f
On week days you buy music by the
sheeE on Sunday you can have it by
the choir for nothing. l - {.
$ What have you to remark, madam,
about my singing? Nothing, sir; it is
not remarkable. h4i -
a Western editor says that girl who
is now called ga beautiful. blOnde,o a
few years ago would have been called
ga t0w-head. z,sz-isD gaivfII r
Ilnatured acquaiptances Of certain
Boston militia officer assert that his
sword was never drawn but once-and
then in rattle.
lit is said that the Rev. Thomas X.
Beecher has discovered that all men
who are hanged go to Heaven. We
have no desire to take that line. - -.
Sekrets, says. Josh Billings, are Door
property, emmy how; if you cirkilate
them, yew lose them, and if you keep
them you lose the interest on the in
yeStment. .dfT. 55Bdt 9sit ,-llIE ge1.3 +
4 Keep out Of debt! out of quafreIs, out
of damp and thin clothes, out of reach
of the cup that inebriates, and out of
doors all that you can in good wealth
er.! q % 7llo7 s--@ n - FL" --1
-DC-eraa- 9s!5 dgss5se Hcfe 5sujrsga5 -,.afi
A Chicago paper generously remarks
of cOtemporary that sit has doubled
its cireulaticn;n "a but qualified the state
ment materially by adding, "Another
man takes it nOW.n's.re f7'iE f a..
A young lady wrote some verses for
q newspaper about her birthday, and
headed them ..May 30th." 1t almost
made her hair turn gray when it ap-
peared in print ''My 3Oth." fo.i-
They will not stop abusing Horace
Greeley's hand writing, 10 The other
day he wrote a puff for ANNA Dickin-
sons Lecture on Joan of Arc.''7 The
compositor set itup, HAny Dutchman
can't play a @ews-harp.Y gis1c 1Hf n
"A hattering1 request.-LAdy of the
-House;70h, .SigDor Rerpotski, lam so
fully dull! Now sit down and play
that lovely sonata of yours. THEY'LL
never beginto talk till they hear the pi-
ano going lqgd s-ofGpo9 b9fuioqgs-ias
Mrs. Collins, of Hartford, bought
ferocious, watchdog. Mr.. Collins came
home late that night. His wife says
that his trousers can't be n1eHded. The
dog skin is for sale cheap. Mr.. Col
Inns hopes to be able to sit up in few
Weeks.;8 eGW sn19G s5JI .1auc, seIsa
A New York lady Says the latest thing
out is-her husband Ila9biy3 sig.is7
The HCaptivstot.sis5 the appropriate
name Of sweet thing in bonnets in
New York.
Why is the cabbage the most pros
porous OF vegetables? It always gets
head in .he world. j'0liR SGl d9tli -of-9
"What's the use, % said an idle fellow,
"of mans working himself to death to
get liviDg?"
WOMEN. AND WATcHEs.-It Is re-
mafkable that women, are q good deal
like French watches-Yery pretty / to
look at but deyilish difficult to regulate
when they once take to going wrong.
An Irishman was asked if he would
keep q secrt, If It were entrusted to him.
He answered, And faith, III ! can't, /
viii tell it to some one that can"
A paper says that "a child was run
over In the street by a1sgon three years
old and cross-eyed, with pantalets on,
which never SPOKE afterwards"
Some one has been going to the
trouble of finding out the number Of
in Pennsylvania They are
to De 80 900. AwL right. Let
them keep pegglng away. = .-
Why is doctor better taken care of
then his patients?, Because when he
goes TO bed he's sure to have somebody
rap him up. l.-.-..
What bird is it which.it is absolutely
necessary we should have at our dinner
table and yet u eed never be cooked or
served up?-A swallow. '''
"Digby, viii you have some OF the
butter?" THANK you, marm; belong
to the etemperance society, and I can't
take anything strong.p . .iio =
The death Of uniser was lately an
nouncd thus: ri .'0n Friday last died,
Josiah Braintree, OF Bennington, at age
of ninety-esght. He retained his MONEY
TO the last.P slnii siii L -diaW e5 1lsnl-
AnIndianapolis gentleman 3 claim for
divorce is based on the ground that when
be married, tour weeks ago, his wife's
20 entitle her to the front rank in . torch
light procession. A1
Somebody wants to know the name OF
the tune which was played upon the
feelings, !" aud also If the "cup Of sor-
row'' has saucer. The same fnquisitor
would like to know if the slight Of other
laysr was gas or electricity Also IL the
girl who .'clung to hope had not 3
get fatigued BY ..ths exercise OF forbear-
Ance.hj mCg3 ~s3iEH SIS lo s1B1gAq3h
doctor, I,,vant you to prescribe for
me-" -l-
The doctor feels her pulse. ~ .I.ii.
There is nothing the matter, madam;
1ou only net d resi-"
asNc W, doctor, just look at my toung:
ust look at,it -.look at IL What does
hat need?n o.,of.r ,-,-. ssrr.rgl e-.-le
t'I think that needs rest, too"
Exit madam, in = state ofgreat excite
nent.
A lady made her husband q present OF
/ silver drin king-cnp with an. angei at
he bottom. and when she filed II for
1im, he used TO drain it to the bottom,
md she asked him why he drank every
irop. because, ducky," !" he said, AZ
ong to see the dear little angle.n Upon
wbish she had the angel taken out, and
aad devil engraved st the bottom, and
le drank it OF just the same, and she
Igaln asked the reason. Why he
'eplied, "because won't leave the devil
! drop. 93ts --a
A removed New York clergyman
ately preached rather . long sermon
rom the text, "Thou art weighed in the
balance, and found wanting" After
he congregation had listened about an
hour, some began to get weary, and
vent out, Others soon followed. greatly
., ky,.a .,,oovan n "a afeha nafnlafar n