Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1871-06-08
OUR APPETIZER.

"u NC hanged ..
John Brown wishes 10 know if
ny paying - for the works Of Burns,
be can get Soott free,
-" lrdustry must prosper" rs
husband sA,d when boldmg the baby
while bis wife chopped wood
The Boston .adcertiSer sadly con.
''SSeS that the best of friends must
part their hair.
WHO was the only man who was
never spanked IN his childhood
Adam, because he was born grown
mp,
An old sailor said a few days
ar": ~ began the world with
nothing, aud have held my own ever
since
A p'o"s old piushprgcr gets
close to the ioo,ligts when the 4" Black
Crook y is on, because his hearing
is bad"
"A literary man, on retiring into
private lne, said that his connection
with the press had melted. thawed,
and resolved itself into a.dcu."
IF you wish to know how many
friends you have, get into office if
yon wish To know how many friends
yon havn't, get into trouble.
--ohrnbach has written another
opera, boulr, called the" Butterflies"
Critics say that he is evidently only
working for his grub.
"A welcome visitor" could,a
tail mt,ld." Conld Won? Then lose
not moment, bu, 90 Instantly to Mr..
Darwin. He will be delighted to see
You. P,0ich.
A school girl was recently askcd,
at an examination, bv the clergyman,
10 tell him wha, Adam lost BY his fall,
and when pressed, she replied, ~
supposed it was his hat"
- A young lady, of Logon county,
| Kentucky, has advertised for "seaid
! proposals for her hand aud heart. 1t
is not stated whether she will take the
lowest tender"
Here is n matrimonial advetse-
mcnt cut from contemporary "A
Young lady ct exterior and pleasant
appearance, wishes to marry fsvK,e.
man of just the same way of thinking.
--" I'm rot myself at NIL today"
said bore to wit. " No matter
for that" was the reply Whoever
yon may be, YOU are a gamer by the
change"
A Peekskill paper speaks of de-
parted citizen who was A." struck down
by the hand Of Providence, and not
permitted to finish the French roof ho
had commenced on his house"
A reporter who attended a ban
qnct in New York concluded his dps-
crptipu with candid staten, NJ that
cit IL not distinctly remembered by
anybody, present who made the last
speech. "
---" Mr.. Jones'" said Mrs. Jones
with M mir Of ftrinmph, don't YOU
| think marriage is means of grace 2"
Well, yes" g,owled Jones -" sup.
pose ANYTHING il n means oI grace
that breaks down pride aud leads to
repentance,
--" NJ dear said Mrs. Bnnblc TO
her daughter, you muyt have some.
thing warm around yon in the car-
rage" Miss Il mentioned the re.
quest of her mother Ia her beau, aud
he Immediately complied with it.
SANDY 80" Eh, mon! bu, he cad
me lecr ~
Mac -" that's naethnc, my laddic.
| II" cad me wanr names than that.
! You mann Just bear it,"
Sandy Dang it, mon! but he
proved it,"
They have temperance insurance
| societtc. IN Georgia, which are some
what original. Each member paws
five dollars ~ an initiation fee and
| FIVE dollars dues cnch month. At tho
end Of the year the money is divided
among those who nave remained
faithful 10 the pledge.
In n Second Justices Coart re.
Gently, an attorney was examining 4
surety touching his qualifications as
boudsman. you have property. you
say y " Ycs' Did yon make it
yourself 7" PARTY" ".Are you
married " Yes "Dd ,our
wife bring yon anything 2" " Yes"
" What" Three children, SIR
" q. Rcaynne,
"A lady promised to give her
maid twcu five dolllrs AZ marriage
portion. The girl got married 10
man If low stature, and her mistress
on soeng him was surprised, and said,
p" Well. Mary. What liitle husband
you bav" got - " La |" exclaimed the
girl, "what could YOU expect for
twenty-five dollars z"
A negro at Madison saw tho
Democrat editor leaving the telegraph
Office wiih- the sheets containing the
night report, and hailed him;
What's dat ye got dar ?" "These
are pages Of telegraph" | replied.
* tNIat all dam, .,;a,.ae ...,,. .xx, Ja