The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1871-06-15

WA6t HdSsf3 1OAI ACA my
name was Zephaniah Temeritus Bug
by, from Ohio. She said she'd like tn
no how Ohio stood on the question.
Told her guessed they stood on 1t
with boath feet, and / guessed they'd
be likely tn for some time tn come.
She wanted tn know it'll wouldn't
speek. Told her I'd been itcEingl for
some time tu let out q flew of my pri-
vite sentiments. Then she went back
and whispered something tu the cheer
had got done "bebbing round" and
and said that the honerble Zephaniah
Temeritus Bugby, from Ohio, would
like tn distress the audiance q flew
minits. Then they begun tn liollar
all areound the room, g Bugby! Bug
by!@ and some hollard, |" The gentle
man from Ohio Thatment me, you
horasontle platform and opened on
.um The fust thing did, seq l. Miss
Presidentess, and feiiar-citizens OF
Guse Run and vercinity: 1t is with
no graft amount of Embarrassment that
/ undertake tn distress you on this
momentuous occasion. .Sez 1, j. feel
similar unto a banty rooster with
his tail feathers pulled out, in among
a lot of shanhigh hens. And yet i
feele it my duty tn let out a few of
my privite sentiments, for the bene-
fit of this rising degeneration, who
are fast dellugeing in tn offelnesss-i
Sez I, fella-critters, fust and foremost
I'm going tn draw before your
gloomy imaginationsa picture, pic-i
lturc of real life. Now sez /, suppose
it was the fashion for wimmin tu hold
office, and you should happen tn want
constable right here; III this little
itownlo OF Goose Run, you should elect
tn that noble Office abeout the best
looking woman among you. She has
a husband and children tu hum there
is hen-r'ust robbed in town reound
some where CRATE excitement pre-
wales; the nessary papers are put in tu
her hands, and she is ordered tu bring
the culpret tu injestice. She starts
eout and leaves her husband tn hum
with a small child in his arms, with
nothing but bottle of sour milk tn
feede tu it. She chafches reound q
week or tew, and finely all tn once
she comes right slap on tn him hid
away in brush heap deown in the
woods ;land when she goes tn take
him he lights on tn her like a flee on
tn a bedbug, separates her sole from
her boldly, steals her close and runs
away, and when they come tn make
q post mortem examination, ali they
can find of that once beautiful femail
form, is a little Iock of hair in the,
back of her neck to render verdict
on, or, what is worse, he being what
the wimmin call purity man, she falls
desperately in love with him. They
run away togeather, go tu Chicago
and she gifts bill of devorse from
her devoted husband, and the very
next day they hitch teens together,
OF, what's still worse and actuly hor-
able tn contemplate. they go to hvin
tugeather without Citing hitched. Sez
/, fella-critters, if this was the unly
case of the Kind, it mint, du, but arter.
there'd been one or two cases of that
kind, the thing would become contag-
us. Sez |, / myself much as gabhor
eniquity of all kinds, should be tented
tu steal something, sost tn have one
OF these, fair constablesses take arter
me, and Pd run like all git eout till l
come tus some cecluded spot, and then
I'd set deo wn and rest and let her come
along up.a Sez l, every man in these
ere us. would become thief, and, (
of course, all the wimmin would
haves tu2 turn constablessesi isost tn
ketch .um. And now here's the pint
right here. Where's your Squires tn
make eout the warrents? Sezi /, there
wouldn,t be eny Squii'es unless it was
some old feller that couldn't run, Sez
L, yeou place an old man in that stu
alton under them are circumstances,
and he won't live tew weeks. Sez l,
talk abeout your wimmin rights ltalk
about your wimmin holding officel
you mint as well try tn start a skaLing
rink in purgatory you mint as well
try tu put eout a burning lie refinery
with an elder squirt gun. THE thing
can't be did. j Sez' L, hfeIIer-wimmin Of
the Contention, [ wish TIA make one
more pint, and then I'm done. Pic
ture tn yourself "a; lovely woman in
the balmy month of June, setting on
a rail fence with an umbereH over her 1
head bossing a lot of hands tn work :.
on the road, and then you hante CO.
ing to get any work done Gather, cause I
the men would be etarnelly, Citing
up some excuse tn go and see the SUI
pervisoress .abeout. sumthin; they'd
be hanging reoupd her quarters thick
er than crows reound a dead hoss.-u
And now for the cause of all this 4
femenine barking abeont thare rights. n
In the material conservation of things,
theae is some times a. mistake made
in the fconsecration of the human fam
lily, there is sometimes a woman
turned eout with a mans head on tn
her shoulders. With the men visy Il
ecpotdRus htcE hook fe7Tdnsts
aStcy nutcy staasy guam, which means,
IN Angeline sAmeFicanus, that semi
in this big manufactur-
ng establishment there is a man
.urned eout with a woman's head on Z
u his shoulders, These men-headed
wimmin are the ones that are screech-r
ng abeout thares rights,;o and theseO
men, are punching
lm up tn it. And now, sez i, in or
Ter tn remedy this CRATE evil. they
,ught tn pass o law compelling these
wimmin tu ware mems il
lose, and these wimmin- headed men
u put on wimmin's close, and then =
ct these men-headed wimmln hold
'ffice, and make these wimmin- head
ID men stay tn hum and wash dishes
nd nuss the children, put um right
through. Sez /, feller-critters, Pm
Ione and then sot deown. I had q A
title privite conversation with Miss
arter the meeting broke
p- She said that the big niggar that
ended dore was her husband She =
aid she'd like tn have me come deown Pea
u New York ard see her. She said
er husband wasen't tu hum much of t
he time. Told her I'd let her know
7heI, l got ready .tu come. Lord, Il
GU orters seen um got reound me s0
hough. They shook my hands 80, ! 3,
lnch that they was all swelled up the q
ext mornin. One teller tore off q lt,
ieee of my coat tale and tuck it hum
nth him. l understood senoe that
e made his everlastin fortin cont on
/. He took and raveled il eout, and
old it for tew shillin thread. c. 81
AN attendant at Mount Vernon, not,
,pg since, found lady weeping most :
Utterly and a0dibly, with her hand