The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-05-12
Witticisms Of Judge Peters.

III was as punsteI tnat refers was
most widely known, great as was his
reputation in more important respects.
Men love to laugh, and he who induces
them to do so is much surer of a kindly
place in their recollection than any
mover of their other emotions. There
can be no doubt that the sign which
Peters hung from his office window on
beginning his professional career,
Richard Peters, Attorney-at-law.
Business done here at halfprice; n. b.
Half done'-a capital sign, by the way.
for all half-price places-had the effect
of tickling more fees out of passing
pockets than could have been secured
| by more serious means. Peters was col.
leagued on the Bench with Justice
Washington of the Supreme Court-a
say that Brother Washington was the
strict Judge, while he was the district
Judge. Justice Washington was in the
habit of delivering the opinions of the
court, and was, moreover, noted FOR
very vigorous appetite-two facts which
caused his associate to call him the
mouthpiece of the court. A superlative
| spinner of naval yarns, on returning
| from a cruise, assured festive assem-
blage, of whom the Judge was one, that
he had encountered soap island, which
he deliberately described. When he had
finished, the Judge blandly requested
to be informed if the making Of that
island did not require add deal of lie.
At an agricultural dinner he entertained
| a countryman of more candor than
courtesy by telling extraordinary, sto-
ries and when he paused, the man
shouted, "Tell us some more Of your
tarnal lies" He did not like the low
dresses of the ladies at the La Fayette
ball, and said it was neck or nothing
with them. Being joked about the
probability of his nose and chin, which
had great approximation, eventually
meeting and quarrelling, he said he APP
pretended it himself, as great many
words had passed between them. Being
asked if the Schuylkill bridge would
answer, he informed the inquirer that
if he would ask at the gate he would be
tolled adding that, at all events it
would be tried by its piers. He once
projected town called Mantua, and in
fixing up an engraved plan of it to post
at the corner of the road for the infor-
nation of passengers and purchasers, he
| contrived glass cover to it, because he
said the gunners would pepper it with
shot if left unprotected, and everybody
would see through his plan. The pro.
ject, however, languished, and when
one of his neighbors observed that he
ought to complete the laying of it out.
Yes, yes, indeed" he sighed: "its
| hirl RI l., hnc
dead these two years. A neighbor who
kept noisy pack of hounds once COM
planned of suffering from ague. Bless
my soul! y he exclaimed "can't you
cure it with all that bark?" At the
trial Of some pirates in South Carolina
the District Judge acquitted them for
want of a comma in the law: 49, for
want of comma, the doings of the ras.
Gals will never be brought to full
stop" One of the members of the State
Legislature, when the Judge was Speak
er thereof, in crossing the hall tripped
and fell, on which, of course, the Legis-
lature burst into a laugh. "Order, or
der, gentlemen, don't you see that
member is on the floor?" was rebuke
which did not restore them to gravity.
Being accused of having called the city
Of Washington hell, he denied the
charge, on the ground that he was too
we'll aware, from the affair of Bladens-
burg. that its inhabitants couldn't
stand fire. On the western expedition
against the Whisky insurgents, Peters,
who accompanied General Washington
rs District Judge, happened one day to
stop at a log cabin where the interstices
of the logs let in good deal more air
than was pleasant. Complaining Of the
cold and damp 20 the landlord, he was
told they didn't mind such trhes there.
'That may be, sir, and you may add
that you are highly hospitable set, for
you keep open house" An ex-Deputy
Acknowledgement continued from Gus
tom to use the technical phrases Of a
public prosecutor, and apologized for
the same, " Yes, yes" said the Judge,
"you are like the clapper of bell, that
keeps wagging after it has done sound
! ing" When Peters accompanied the
expedition against the insurgents in
! 1894, as stated above, he and Hamilton,
then Secretary of the Treasury, under
| took to pitch tent, and while Hamil-
ton was awkwardly digging the ditch,
l. ~
point some pins. AS he was hacking
away, unconscious of observation, he
heard laugh behind him, and on look
ing round he beheld Colonel Guerney
and some of his officers making merry
at his efforts. The Colonel commanded
a regiment of loafers, whose repute was
such that they were denominated the
Babes Of Grace. why, Judge" said
the Colonel, "vou have an axe that
wants new edge" True said the
other, "and you have regiment that
would willingly steal it," To some one
whose patriotism was more a matter of
interest than principle, and who laughed
at him for the rustiness of coat he was
wearing, he explained the cause thereof
by saying that his coat looked weather
beaten from his never turning it. Once.
when the Judge was standing near La
Fayette, a young military officer, in adj
dressing the latter, exclaimed, Sir, al.
though we were not born to partake of
your Revolutionary hardships, yet
should our country be attacked we will
not fail to tread in the shoes of our
| II ~