Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1871-04-09
BREvIIIEs AND .LEyITIEs

The best thing out-an aching tooth.
The best share in farm-the plow-
share. q rkFfE FFf
What is the greatest want of the age2
Want of funds.
An appropriate present for zoologist
would be bunch of seals.
Because horses are used to reins, it
does not follow that they are unaffected
by wet weather.
When mans business is rapidly run
ming down, it is time for him to think of
winding it up.
Nursing revenge is like nursing young
hedgehog-the older he grows, the sharp
er his quilts. - -
A dentists Office is not improperly
called his drawing-room.
If you take thing at all, take it essy.
1t isn't worth while to convert yourself
into bsggageswagon. Boz E
1t is not necessary that an actor should
be great painter, but he can look for no
success unless he draws well. A'g1r.
SIS that q tweed oEercoat9" inquired a
friend of Bohemian who was shivering
in spring duster. No; it's friezel"
V ga couple Of Belgian giants, " says the
Cincinnati Globe, 'fare now in the city
for the purpose of exhibition. They are
50 long, that it takes two days to exhibit
them"
A gentleman one day Unfortunately
asked lady how old she was. ''Let me
zee. / was eighteen when i married, and
my husband was thirty; now he is twice
thirty, and that is sixty; so of course 1
am twice eighteen, that is thirty six"
$50 you're going to Alaska, are you,
young man2n said an old fur hunter to a
Philadelphia youth, adding, ''You just
be careful how you kill the wife of ma
tive of that country, for no one was ever
know to be let off from such an accident
for less than two woollen blankets to the
beresved husband, and five to the Cover
nor" -
A tippler called at farmhouse in Am
herst the other day, and asked for cider.
mo, Tom," said the farmer, "you've
had enough to drink to-day; no friend of
yours would give you cider" "0hi good
Lord, cried Tom, very weary, leaning
against the fence, 'please send along
some of my enemies els a .
'Interviewingn5i us nothing new; it ex-
listed In Caesars time, for did not the
great Julius ask, s'Who is 1t in the press
calls meYn % ~ a... t-.-,--'- --.-i
A Frenchman took room in Paris, On
condition that the landlady would wake
him up every morning at eight O'Clock,
and tell him the day of the week, the
state of the weather, ard under what
form of government he lived. -
1t is pretty uncertain who the coming
msn is, but the going man is evidently
Louis Napoleon.
The first man that ever had spare rib
Adam.
Eternity, thou holdest in thine hand
The casket of all secrets-Death's the key.
[BGyley.
The great art, says Goethe, is to judi
ciously limit and isolate ones self.
At a banquet celebration of the battle
of Bunker Hill, Thomas Gill, the Boston
Editor, who died while ago, told his
neighbor at the table that his father
fought at Bunker Hill. Upon which the
neighbor jumped into the first space be-
tween orations aud announced the fact,
and named the worthy son of the noble
sire who was with them. And then there
was a laundering applause, the glasses
were filled high to the patriot father and
son, and there were irresistible calls for
'Gilll Gill |" until ha arose and made a
speech, short, to-wit: Gentlemen, my
father was a soldier in that never-to-be.
forgotten fight, but he was in the British
ranks" He sat down amid loud silence,
and the bsnqueters, paying no more at
tention to Gill, went along about their
regular business.
The following marriage notice appears
in the Bangor Wing: "In South Molun-
kus, by Rev. Hugh Reed, Col. J. F.
TwitchelI, of Oldtown, and Clara L.
Clemens, of South Molunkus. No cards,
no cake, nobody's business. Clam chow
der this evening, March %. Friends and
relatives are invited.
He that has never known adversely is
but half acquainted with others or him
self. Constant success shows US but one
side of the world. For as it surrounds us
with friends, who will tell US only of our
merits, so it silences those enemies from
"Pspa, ought teacher to fog me for
what / did not do9" Certainly not, my
boy, replied the father. "Wel," said
the little fellow, che did to day when l
didn't do my sum.
When should woman go into the
lumber business2 When she pines for
her lover, who is a spruce young man,
and of whom she thinks great deal.
The man who didn't believe in adver-
Using has gone into partnership with the
Sheriff, and the latter is now doing the
advertising.
Mr.. Henry Atkins, of Cincinnati, has
invented a piano that is played by the
feet. 1t has sixty-eigbt keys, which are
cubical blocks of wood, and each one
strikes chord of four notes. He puts
on slippers to play with, and while he
makes his piano go with his feet he
plays the fiute with his mouth and fingers.
The effect is described as remarkable.
The new mechanism can be easily at
tached to any ordinary piano.
A Connecticut woman accidentally
stepped on q needle some time ago, and
the doctor pulled it out from between her
shoulders. To get q needle of such
length in her foot she must have been 9
high stopper. - l--..
FeWife, do your know that l have got
the pneumonia" ''New monia, indeed
Such extravaganza! You're the spend-
thrifest man ever did see, to go and lay
out your money for such trash when do
need a new bonnet so much"
The Boston Custom-house had SO much
water in it that it requires steam fire en-
CINE to pump it out. But the collector Of
the port, Captain Dodiver, says it did not
affect the Custom house officers, who new
er mix water with their spirits.
An impudent lawyer of New York,
meeting soldier with very full whiskers,
said, 81 say, my dear fellow, when are
you going to put your beard on peace
footingl" 'sNot until you place YOU
tongue on the civil list" was the retort.
The last official words of Holden '1t
is sweet, but financially disastrous, to die
politically for ones country"
A man in Indiana laughed himself tC
death on reading a funny tale 1t wsi
one of Mr.. Greeley's leaders on salt.
A lad arrested a few days ago for theft
when taken before the magistrate anC
asked what his occupation was, frankly
answered Stealing" "Your candor as
tonishes me. "said the judge. 81 though
it would" replied the lad, ''seeing hov
many big 'uns there be in the same bust
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