The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-01-07
HOME MATTERS.
PEPPER, SALT AND sPsCE.

Beemus; this is too late to wish YOU a happy
New Year, but I'll do the next best thing, wish
you happy April Foo.." He will do for one
We will take him at his word . We me. ano,b-
er friend and asked him show he fel, Z" oh"
replied he, Il feel above par" We regarded him
with scorl. Taking Wall street view, we
thought he was trying to 'bull the market :"
Near our ssnctum window there is an onion
II has taken root ''in the Geld, cold ground and
has sent up, through four inches of snow, a
healthy and aromatic top. There it grows, with
its deep green colored top forming beautiful
contrast with the white snow. We shall erect a
trellis and train the delicate branches to grow
upon it, and by raising the, window the room
will fill with It's delicious aroma, in comparison
with which the fragrance of the rose is failure
and the sweetest scented pink fraud. :. Last
summer . certain young beau WAS in the habit
OF paying regular visits to bewitching young
belle living in the city. Her father is an elderly
gentleman, upon whose vsnerab BILE head the frosts
OF many winters has fallen with such bitter effect
tina. they have removed the capillary substance
from the top OF his Uranium, or, in other words,
his head is as bald As a billiard ball. One even.
ing, in the early twilight, the old gentleman, un-
observed by the young couple, WAS walking near
by in the garden, and was 10 stopping posture,
saressing his little dog Tho young gentleman
was whispering words OF honied eloquencs in the
ear of tho dams-l, ever and anon pointing out
the general loneliness of the scenearound them.
Just then the old gentleman arose TO resume his
walk. his head, which was bare, Just peering
claimed the young man. "how picturesque, and
now the full moon is emerging from the eastern
horizon" The young lady locked in that direc.
ton, comprehe ndsd the situation at glance, and
ansr,ly retortsd: you stupid goose. Mars moth.
ing bu. papa's hcad !" That Young man Ia no lon.
ger sentimental. He is in the pork business. :. :.
Said a prominent lawyer while addressing the
County Court the other morning: "Why, your
Honor this thing can't be got alsag With. We
never can get our motion before your honor. A.
it is now, the whole bar are rushing for your oar
at once" The judge involuntarily elappsd his
hand to his ear Perhaps it will be safer for him
TO wear ear muffs to keep these lawyers out, 70,
some Of them are pretty small, you know 80. We
are to have, in Ostsws, new branch Of ind astry.
A gentleman it is said, 10 about to open an Office
as Marriage broker Office south Of the Court
House. Fees $14; and he is to be kissed BY the
bride. In cases where she has become old, and
lost her front teeth and the power of puckerine
her lips, she is to BE- excused from kissing
him, and the broker 10 to get - extra. Office
hours, continually AN ingenious and scsno-
micsl business man avoids the extraordinary ex.
penditure Of % cts. for printed card and writes
on bit OF brown paper, in Chinese hieroglyph.
les, IS Hates tor sale!' Well take kate" or
two il the price isn't too great. Willis is ssad.
ing around invitations TO u select f.w 10 attend
'oalico hop" II We had an invitation, and the
needful ten yards Of calico, with the .rspe, fill
ings and trimmings, we would 90 . :. Cows
around the city defy the city marshal, and get
their free lunches" out of the farmers wagons.
THE JAIL RECoRD.-Siase our last issue, the
Jail items are as follows: Mr.. Alonzo Mitchell,
who has been in Iowa recently, and who came on
hssty visit to his parents, in Otter Creek town.
ship, lately, was sent for by the Governor Of
Iowa. who demanded Alonzo from the Governor
of illinois, who in turn demanded him from
Sheriff Blake. The charge was for assault with
intent to commit great bodily injury" 40.
cordingly. Geo. Blake, deputy sheriff. paid the
young man a visit, and found him surrounded
by party of his friends. George acted very
familiar with "Lon," though an aninvitsd gusst,
and a perfect stranger. After introdu cins hin.
SELF with his customary modest bow, hs pro-
ceeded to put handouts on Ions wrists, There
upon Mrs. Mitchell tainted. and considerable
high tragedy was attempted by others. The,
on sacred promises that the prisoner would not
be rescued, and would come along quietly, the
cuffs were removed, whereupon the old wona,
came to, wiped her eyes and ssrcassically 70.
marked, II thought that boy with curly hal.
was putting on little too much style with then
are chains and things" George brought hiu
prisoner to Ottawa and delivered him up 70 the
sheriff of Cedar Co., Iowa.
Joseph Schneider, out at Leland, or some
where on the G. B. l. Q. road, thought hs fore
saw long and cold winter, and accordingly he
provided himself with buffalo robe, without
the knowledge or consent of Oscar ]. Dsnnison,
and Joseph is now in Jail.
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