Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1871-12-29
How a Barber Got Even with Mark
Twain.


Those who read an article written
by Mark Twain on harbers, and
published In the Gatu1y last sums
mer, will enjoy the following story
of the way the humorist was come
up to In Syracuse by one of the
slandered knights of the brush and
lather. 1t appears, according to the
Courier of the Salt City, that on last
Wednesday afternoon Twain put in
an appearance there for the purpose
OF filling an engagement that even.
Ing to lecture, and In order to make
himself presentable to a Syracuse
fashionable audience, he concluded
to patronize one Of the class he had
slandered In the GALAXY article, and
stepping into a shop dellber-
ately Invested himself Of a paper col.
lar and cravat, and told the son of
lather to proc eed, little dreaming
that he was known and appreciated.
But he was, and the way that bar
Der "went for" Mark would have
astonished Bill Nye. Selecting the
dullest razor in the shop, he sharp>
ened 1t up little, and then SELLING
Twain by the nose with grasp that
would bring down bullock, he COM
menced to lather him. He soaped
him from chin to eyebrows, and rush.
ed the lather brush about an inch up
his nose and thence into both ears.
Poor Twain In the meantime snort
ing and sputtering like a steam-en.
gine blowing of steam. In vain he
protested that he did not want his
eyebrows and forehead shaved
Keep still, said the barber, I know
my business. After soaplng him till
he looked like an Albino, he laid on
the blade. The first stroke brought
tears to Twain's eyes. The second
brought him to q sitting position
with an exclamation, "I say that
razor is too dull to sh ave me with"
"Lay down." said the knight of the
razor, thrusting him down into the
chair again. "That razor will cut a
hair; / know my business" Twain
groaned, and the barber pulled un-
til the beard was off, and a good por-
tion of the skin with it.
After shaving, he proceeded to
wash him up, selecting the dirtiest
towel In the shop, one that was used
for wining or hair dye, and was as
spotted as Joseph's coat. He soused
the water in his eyes and nostrils.
and then wiped him of. The spec
tators were by this time unable to
control their laughter, and burst out
in loud peals, In which he Of the
lather heartily Joined. Twain saw
the joke, but kept quiet. When the
barber told him that his hair was
coming out, and offered to sell him
a bottle Of hair restorative, price
three dollars per. bottle, Twain re-
piled, "Well, I rather want my hair
to fall out. IIhave too much for com.
fort" He then offered to sell him
a bottle of "Bloom Of Youth" tell
ing him that he was badly freckled.
"Am I ?" said Mark "well, rather
like that. III was good looking and
fair to gaze upon the ladies would
all fall in love with me, and that
would make my wife uneasy. AS 1t
is she allows me to roam about the
country without fear. She knows
my ugliness will protect me. Then
he of the lather and brush saw lie
could not persecute Mark any farths
er, and after brushing him Off in q
lusty and vigorous manner, said,
"Mr. Twain, how do you like your
shaver" "Oh ~ said Mark, this is
new. Every barber in the
goes for me In the same
style. am used to 1t /; and, In fact,
l rather like It," "Call again." said
the now satisfied barber. "Not II L
can help It," replied Mark. "Good
day." He politely bowed Mr..
Twain out of the shop.