The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1871-03-02
Remnants by Josh Billings.

Customs are like grease-they make en-
nything slip eazy.
There IL sum things that kant be coun
terftted-a blush is one ov them.
Goodness liz jst az much ov study a.
mAthumaticks liz.
If man expeckts tew be very virtewou
he mustn't mix too mulch with the world
nor too mulch with himself neither.
Thare IL more deviltry in the world thar
there IL ignorance.
The people who acktually deserve tew lii
their lives over agin are the very ones wh'
don't want to do it.
The richest man ov all liz he who haz 90
but little, but haZ got all he wants.
Natur makes all the noblemen-wealth
edukashun, nor pedigree, never made one
yet.
When man duz me favour alwus tr,
tew remember it, and when he duZ me III
injury, alwus try tew to forget tiff
don't, ought to.
If man IL honest he may not alwus be
in the right, but he kan never be in thu
wrong.
Crate takers are generally CRATE liars, fol
them who talk so much must sooner OF
later run out ov the truth, and tell what
they don't kno.
Idon't bet there liz emmy SIGH thing az
a pertektly good man, or perfektly bad
man.
kno ov emmy quantity ov people whose
virtews are at the mercy oy other folks, who
are good simply for the reputashun ov it,
who haven't got emmy more real appetite
tew their conscience than klam haz.
have studdyed mi own karakter and mi
own impulses for 80 years clussly, and j
kant tell to day Ito save bet) whether
am an honest and trew man or motif thare
IL emmy body who knows about this matter
wish they would address me letter, en-.
klosing postage blister.
There is no sekts nor religious disputes
amung the heather they all OF them cook
missionary the same way.
One CRATE reason viii "Jordan is sich q
ruff road tew travel" IL bekauze almost
every boldly works inside oy their own lot,
and let's the turnpike take care oy ITSELF
There IL lots ov folks who eypekt few
escape hell just bekauze the crowd il so
CRATE that are going there.
Every man makes hiz own pedigree. and
the best pedigree IL clean conscience.
Te be gentleman-git ritch and keep
boss and buggy. "
Virtew In poor man IL looked upon az
a jewel in tud's noZe.
The man who IL tyrant in hiz house.
hoia u an aDjekt cuss amung hiz equals.
After man IL fairly born the next crate
blessing liz asquare deth. &'f-f
Vlrtew IL like strength no man kan tell
how mulch he haz got ov it till he Gums
akrost sumthing he kant lift.
Thay cum tew the konklusiOn that what
everyboddy prizes wants cluss watching.
Thar IL menny folks who are like mules,
the only way tew their atIeckshuns liz thru
the kindness of klub.
There amt but phew people who know
how to Civ gifts, and the number who know
how tn receive them liz less
The strongest propensity in womau's Ma.
tur IL to want to know sc WHATS GOV,
onsp and the next strongest il tew boss
the job.
skorn not the day ov little things. 70
thare u no man IN this world so CRATE bu
what sum one kan do him a favor, or. sn I ~
jury. ." -
Thare IL one witness that never IL pu,lt,
oy perjury, and that is the oonsciences
Thare L SIGH thing as being alwus TOT
quick. Pm one oY that kind myself.
alwus miss ralerode train by being thar.
ahslf an hour too soon. '' N'''->