Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1871-06-14

grows into palpability shape far more
terrible than any Genius or any Demon
Of a tale. And yet it is but a Thought,
although one which chills the very
marrow Of our bones with the fierceness
of the delight Of its horror. 1t is mere
ly the idea Of what would be our sensa-
tions during the sweeping precipitancy
of a fall from such height. And this
fall-this rushing snnihilatiOn-for the
very reason that it involves that one
most CHASTITY and loathsome of all the
most ghastly and loathsome images of
death and suffering which have ever
presented themselves to our imagina-
tion-,for this Ucry cause do we now the
most impetuousiy desire it. And be-
cause our reason most stTenUOusly de-
ters US from the brink, therefore do we
the more unhesitatiugly approach it..
There is no passion in Nature Of so DEM
ouiac an impatience as the passion Of
him who, shuddering upon the edge Of
q precipicc, thus meditatCs 4 plunge.
To Indulge, even for moment, in any
attempt at thought, is Ia be inevitably
lost; for orrefection but urges Us to for
bear, and therefore it il, I say, that We
cannot. If there be no friendly arm 10
check US, or if we fail in sudden effort
to throw ourselves backward from the
danger, and so out of its sight, We plunge
and are destroyed.
Examine these and similar uctions as
we will, we shall find them resulting
solely from the spirit of the PerVer8e.
We perpetrate them merely because We
feel that We should not. Beyond or be-
hind this there is no principle that men,
In their 6esh!y nature, can understand
and were mot III occasionally known to
operate in furiherence of good, we might
deem the anomalous feeling direct in
stigation Of the Arch-Fiend.
/ I have promised thus much that l
may bc able, in some degree, TO give an
! inteiligible answer to your queries
that may explain TO you why ] am
here-that may assign something like
| a reason for my wearing. these fetters
and tenanting the cell of the condemn
ed. Had l not been thus prolix, you
might either have misunderstood me
altogether, or, with the rabble, you
might have fancied me mad.
It is impossible that any deed could
have been wrought with more thorough
dellberation.. For weeks-for months
I pOndered upon the means of the muir
der. Irejected a thousand schemes be-
cause their accomplishment involved q
chance ofdotecJioa. At length in read
ing some French Memoirs, found an
account of nearly fatal illness that Oc-
CURED to Madame Pilau, through the
agency Of candle accidentally poison
ed. The idea struck my fancy at once.
knew my victims habit of reading in
bed. knew, too, that his apartment
was narrow and ill-veutilated. But I
need not vex you with impertinent de-
tails. need not describe the easy arti-
fees by which substituted in his can
dle-stand, a wax-light of my own max
ing for the one which 1 there found.
The next morning he was dead in his
bed, and the verdict was death by the
visitation of God"
Having inherited his estate, all went
well with me for years, The idea of de-
| lection never obtruded itself. OF the
remains of the fatal taper I had myself
casefuIly disposed, nor had left the
shadow of clue by which it would be
possible to convict or even suspect me
of the crime.
| 1t is inconceiyable how rich scnti-
ment of satisfaction arose in my bosom
as / reflected upon my absolute securi-
ty. For a very long period of time I
revelled in this sentiment. 1t afforded
me, believe, more real delight than all
the mere woldly advantages accruing
from sin.
There arrived at length an epoch, af-
ter which this pleasurable feeling took
to itself a new tone, and grew, by
scarcely perceptible gradations, into a
haunting and harassing Thoughts
thought that harrassed because it haunt
ed,
1 could scarcely get rid of it for an in-
stant. It is quite common thing to be
thus annoyed by the ringing in our ears,
or memories, of the burden Of an ordin.
ary song, or some unimpressive snatch.
es from an orera. Nor will we be the
less tormented though the song in it.
self be good, oEthe opera-air meritorious.
In this manner, at last, would perpet-
ually find myself pOndering upon my
impunlty and security, and very fire.
quently would catch myself repeating,
low under-tone, the phrases 81 am
safe-I am safe.u
One day, while sauntering iistlessly
about the streets, arrested myself in
the act Of murmuring half aloud, these
customary syllables. In at of petu-
lance nt my indiscretion remOdelled
them thus:-'T AM safe-I am safe-ifI
I do not procc fool enough to make an
open cOlyessiOn.n
No sooner had uttered these words,
than I felt an ley chill creep to my
heart. I had had dong ago, during
childhood some experience ia those fits
of Perversity whose nature 1 have been
at so much trouble iu explaining, and
I remembered that in no instance had 1
successfully resisted their attacks. And
now my own casual self-suggestlon-
that might possibly prove fool enough
to make open cOnfession-confronte
me, as if the very ghost of him had
murdered, and beckoned me on toI
death.