Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1871-04-12
River Falls, March "a, 1871,
A Wag Diseourses OF the Death OF
Queen Elizabeth.

Here is the latest outbreak of eccentric
humor:
Queen Elizabeth is dead. 1t doesn't
make any matter how we got the infor
nation. This is none of our fight-this
quarrel between the Associated Press and
its rival. She died 26S years ago the
24th of last month. She survived until
the vital spark has fled, and then she saw
it was no use resisting the inscrutable de-
cree of fate, aud so her unfettered soul
took its flight into the mysterious void,
and settled down in that bourne from
which no traveller returns, unless he has
a mission to jerk chairs around and rap
on tables for the benefit of mediums and
other long haired, wid.eyed Iunatics.
Queen Elizabeth was a virginia vir
gin, on seventy; and yet the fire cleaned
as brightly as ever in her cream coIored
eye, and the delicate sheen or finely tinted
maroon nose contrasted as forcibly as 10
her youth with the alabaster of her brow !;
and the plugs in her teeth were just as
valuable as when gold was at l56.
She had no small vices; she did not
smoke or chew, or belong to the society
for promotion of cruelty to animals
And when she swore, she never descend
ed TO the vulgarity Of Horace Greeley
Queen Elizabeth didn't. When she
used profanity, she gave it with finish,
an elegance. a delicate airy grace, and
Infused into it luxurious abandon, and
rounded it of at the corners, and dressed
it up with we'll selected poetical detectives,
so that il sounded like strain from some
sweet singer s.raining himself, in fact
And she had red hair.
Her chignon was burglar proof. And
often in the dim twilight of evening.
when the sun had sunk to rest, when the
western sky was filled with tender radi
ance and lambent light and the bulbul
wood the rose in the back yard, she
would play few notes upon her harp
sichord or write Latin hymn or an es-
say upon the Harrison boiler. She was
supposed to be the author of Rock Me
TO Sleep Mother" and Beautiful Snow"
and Five O'clock in the Morning." But
nevertheless she was very estimable
woman, and with all her faults we love
her still-better, indeed, thar if she were
still fooling around.
Queen Elizabeth was rot proud. She
always insisted upon cleaning her own
teeth, even if she was Queen; and she
always did it once week-every Sunday
morning with her own tooth brush.
What lesson does it teach to those who
are naughty and vain, and belong to the
bon Ton. She never forgot that she was
mere perishable dust, aud that the sheep
and the sikworm wore her fine clothes
long before she got them. She read
every Sunday school book that taught
these facts; and she once trod on Sir
Walter Raleigh's cloak to remind him of
them because he was 80 set up with his
new fancy cassmeres. She said upon
her death-bed that Lydia Thompson need
not learn this lesson, because it had no
moral for those who browssd around in
Natures simple garb.
Queen Elizabeth was not sorry to die.
She forsaw that George F. Train was
cOiDIug W GnSIdhu, ahu sue Sdiu W bSi
physicians that she would prefer the en-
during peace of the cold and silent grave
to three weeks of George and the Ala
bama claims and the Schleswig- Holstein
question all at the same time. Her last
words were" Kill Horace Greeley be-
fore he has time to write What know
about Farming" There was not dry
eye in the second story front room. Ev-
erybody was thinking how impossible it
vas to fulfill her dying request, and es-
cape so much misery.
But she has now gone; she has left us
we shall see her no more. Perhaps it is
for the best. She was vigorous woman.
and if she had lived she might have
come to America, and we might have
given her offense, and she might have
pranced around here and logged us like
the very nation. For she was a woman
who followed closely in all the prevailing
fashions. And so we are glad she Is
dead, and has four tons of marble plant.
ed on her to hold her down.
Rest in peace, old girl! Rest in peace!
A plain-spoken preacher recently de- !
clared that some naonla cannot saa the |