Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1871-07-20
HUaIoRoUs PARAGRAPHs.

HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS.
A bad marriage is like an electric machine
it makes you dance but yeU esn't let go
Hl-natpredsaeq quaintanee4o q certain Boston
militia oifieeT assert5 that his sword was never
drawn but once-and then in rafle.
a western editor, who don't knew much
about farming any : as suggests that for gar
en.makiBg east iron back, Witn hinge in
| #, would be m in4pEovenent on the spinal
eoiumn now in use
A servant girl told Isr master the Other
morning that she was about giving his wife
v arning and quit the house Happy girl.-
Would that could give Eer warning tor re-
sponded the Undesirable brute.
A5Bosteaiosf papa wantss bis doctor to take
ten per cent of the bill for attending his little
boy. because. he ngeniously urged, the young
one gave the measles 10 al tbeneighbo borsl chill
dren and s6inereased the ply ysician's business
a Valparaiso youth raised the wind'' for
his 4th of Jply celebration by driving his faith
er'sscow to the public pound for which he re-
eeived fifteen cents. The boys paternal paid
hfty ce6ts to get her out about half an hour
afterwaEd. 4r
A modest bachelor says all be should esk for
in a wife would be a good temper, sound health
good UNDERSTANDING agreeable RhYsi9gnOmy
pretty figure, good eonneetions, domestic hab-
its, resources Of anus .ment. goodRpirits, con
versatienaI talents, elegant ssniannefs, ssand
money .ssae1 1ss e'aiio9
A rythtDIe romance in six lines: He took her
fancy when heeame;@he tool. her hands he
took kiss: be took no notice of the shame that
glowed her happy cheek at this. He took to
coming afternoons; he took ali oath he'd Be'er
deceive; he took her fathers silver spoons, and
after that he took his leave.
A disgusted amateur fluit-raiser says: II
have no more admiration to waste on the father
of George Washington for forgivirg the de
struction Of his cherry tree. A cherry tree is
only curculio nursery; and the day my young
George Washington is six years old III give
him shatehet, nd tell ina to j w a with every
cherry tree on the place.
In Massachusetts, they open conrt. at the
beginning of term, with prayer. In Wor
cester, recently, earnest supplicotion was
made by distinguished divine. closing with
asking blessing on thejudge's wife and chill
dren that they might be spared in life and
health during his absence; and that, at the
close of the term, he might be once more restor-
ed to the bosom of his family. As the pre-
siding judge bachelor, his feelings du-
ring the service may be imagined.
"Is MIS-. Brown ID - inquire u gentleman of
the servant who responded to his ring at the
door bell
"No, sir; she's not at home"
"Well, I'm sorry says the gentleman, in
tone, ''as l owe her some money, and
eaii4d - pay it. ~ %TI an
whereuPon a voice from over the bal1strade
is heard:
ssoI,Lam in, to be-surs- AMI Why. sally;
aidatyop know that2 Ask the gentleman to
walk IN
tenement, lone woman. was quite ''fustra
ted" the other morning by early call from
q IbaeAelerI eighb Dor. 81 .FT CT
"What do you come here after?" said Miss
Nipper.
81 came to borrow Matches he replied.
''Matchcs! That's likely story. Why
don't you make match? 1 know what you
come for cried the exasperated old virgin as
she backed into the corner. ''You come here
to hug and kiss me almost to death? but you
shah't wi hout you're the strongest, anil
Ike Lord kno,es you are!''
. The girl in South, Nerwalk, Conn., who
caught a husband by writing her name and ad-
dress on the lining ola hat she was trimming,
was more fortunate than another young lady
also employed in the manufacture of hats
The latter stitched her name inside the lining
Of hat beneath the statement: 81 am thine.
wilt thou be miner" and sent it adrift. After
various; yieissitudes it was purchased by
gentleman, and took position on his head
One day the lining became loose, and IN en-
deaYoring to fasten it his eye rested upon the
sentiment and I44 iIaz-aI II ntarilv ex
"D--d fool!' When Martini
returned to her home that day she was taken
to a retired part of the cottage and warmed
with strap. The gentleman who got the hat
was her father.