The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1871-05-27
WIT AND WISDOM

WIT AND WISDOM
A DUTcH SPlRIT.-A Dutch widower
out West. whose better half departed on
the long journey to the spirit land some
twelve months ago, determined, The other
day, to consult the ''rappers" and endeavOr
to obtain spiritual communication, feel
ing anxious respecting the future state Of
his wife. After the usual ceremonies, The
spirit Of Mrs Hauntz manifested by taps
its willingness TO converse with the discon-
solate spouse. . ..r .....
Ish dat you, Mrs Hauntz ~ inquired
the Dutchman
Yes, dearest, it is your own dear wife,
who ..
I" You lie, you tevil Of q ghost" inter
ruPted HauntE, starting from his seat.
My vrow speak noting but Dutch,
and she never say tearest in her life 1t
vas Haunt, you ticf,' Or 'Hauntz, you dirty
schamp.'" .I
And the Dutchman hobbled from the
room, well satisfied that the rapping spirits
we're all E-abug, sBd lDaI ne was safe
from any further communications with his
shreWish yrow on thrs-enrttr rttr------------T-----
Too Poor. The editor Of the Rural
Nsr Kortsr was sitting in his office one
afternoon, sUrne years ago, when a farmer
friend came in and said
Mr.. Moore, | like your paper, but
times are so hard cannot pay for it,"
Is that 50, frierd Jones I'm very
sorry to hear that you are 50 poor. IL
you are so hard run, will give you my
paper"
so, no | can't take it as a gift"
'Well, then. let's see how we can fix it,
You raise chickens, / believe %
"Yes, few, but they don't bring any
thing, hardly"
Don't they? Neither does my paper
cost anything, hardly. Now, | have a
proposition to make to you. I will con.
tinue your paper, and when you 20
home you may select from your lot one
chicken and call her mine. Take good care
Of her and bring me the proceeds, wheth-
er in eggs or chickens, and we will call it
square"
" All right, brother Moore" and the old
fellow chuckled at what be thought capi-
tai bargain. He kept the contract strictly,
and at the end Of the year found that be
had paid about four prices for bis paper
He often tells the joke on himself, and
says that he never has had the face TO
say be was too poor to take a paper since
that day"
" ls that anthracite or bitumnous
asked gentleman, the other day, Of man
engaged in dumping load Of coal down
hole in the deck of one Of the BROOKLYN
ferry boats.
Eh ?" replied the man Of coal
Is that anthracite or bituminous 2"
again inquired the seeker Of knowledge, in
a bland and conciliatory voice.
-" Ef you mean that place where I'm
dumpin' this here coal down, it's the fire
room, =" replied the son Of toll, with look Of
pity at the questioner for bis ignorance.
There were no more questions asked
PERFEcTIoN.-A friend called on Michael
Angelo, who was finishing a statue. Some
time afterward be called again. The
sculptor was still at bis work. His friend,
looking at the figure, exclaimed:
" You have been idle since saw you
last.
"By no MEANS" replied the sculptor
" | have retoucbed this feature and brought
out this muscle; ] have given more ex-
preston to this lip, and more energy to this
limb"
Well, well, " said biz friend, " but all
these are tritles.
I" It may be 81, replied Angelo, :" but
recolect that trifes make perfection, and
that perfection is no trifle.-COLTON.
The father Of Mrs. Sddons had always
forbidden her to marry an actor, and, Of
course, she chose a member of the old
mans company, whom she secretly welded
When Roger Kemble heard Of il be was
furious " Have / not" be exclaimed,
forbade you to marry player2'' The lady
replied, with downcast eyes, that she had
not dlsobeyed "What madam have YOU
not allowed yourself to marry about the
worst performer in my company ~ "Ex-
actly 50, !" murmured the timid bride; no
body can call him an actor"
AN old fellow who took part in the late
rebellion was one day blowing 10 the VII
lage tavern to a crowd Of admiring listen
ers. and boasting of his many bloody ex-
Plolts, when lie was interrupted by the
question
" | say, old Joe, how many rebels did
you kill during the war f'
"How many rebels did | kill, sir how
many did kill Well, | don't just 'zac.ly
know how many, but know this much
l killed as many of them as they did Of
me-"