St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1871-05-05
SqHiJS.


- W iChl-'lH uOClOI, WHO WIS arrested
because his patient died, has been acquit-
ted on the ground that he did the best he
could, giving all the medicines he knew
'he names OF. He put in plea that he
never insured case when he took it.
How To FIND STEADY EMPLOYMENT
-Get inside the State prison
One of Darwin's strongest Arguments
in favor of his theory that man is n de-
scendant OF the monkey is that monkeys
always part their hair in the middle. If
ls noticeable fact, however, that mon
keys have quit it since it has become
fashionable among certain men
"rll give you the slip" as the gard
cncr said when he promised friend Il
cutting"
As illustrating the humorous, Pro-
tessor Lowell mentions an advertisement
that caught his eye some time since
WANTED, by Il boy, situation in an
eatin% house. He is used to the bust
ness"
y Snowman in the state of Maine
wanted to exhibit an Egyptian mummy.
and attended at the courthouse to obtain
permission. "What is it you want to
show?' inquired the judge. "An Egyp-
tian mummy more than three thousand
years Old" WHAT" exclaimed the
Judge, jumping to his feet land Is
the critter alive ,"
y clergyman III Connecticut boasts the
title of Rev Hezekiah Fiddle, u. u.
Mr. Stickerly, a happy parent in
Ohio, named his children ''Onc," "Two,"
Three etc, us they arrived, without
regard TO SEX. Gen. Two Stickerly
was successful brigadier during the war
Of the rebellion.
\ contemplative genius estimates that
if brigham Young wore an additional
weed on his hat every time he lost a wife
or "A mothcr-in-law lie would be now
wearing a hat just - miles high.
They pretend TO have a ''model grl''
in Tennessee. She left her place cause
they omitted family prayers, and all the
silver spoons, etc, accompanied her
Nv Watch and prey was her motto.
The earth is said to be growing small
er. In two thousand millions of years it
will be as small as Rhode Island, where
they are unable to shoot woodcock with
the finest bird shot, for fear of shooting
into some other state.
An exchange says: I've are in re-
ceipt of two poems, one on the "Throb-
biDS Brain, and the other on a Beat
ing Heart" We will wait until we re-
ceive one on the ''.Stomach Ache" and
publish all three together.
\ young man wrote to paper, asking
whether it would be advisable for him to
marry ''young and tender angel, who
had never done her own washing and
dressmaking' In reply, the editor ad-
vised him to do so by all means, and
mentioned a similar case in his own ex-
pericnce, where the bride had never done
her own washing, but after marriage she
became so fond Of the washtub as not
only TO work for her own family, but for
several families among her acquaintance.
"My dear Horatio, l had a very mys-
leflous dream ABOUT you.
"What is it, dear -
Il dreamed | saw you carried up to
heaven in golden chariot, surrounded
by angels clothed in white linen and pur-
pie. What is that a sign of dear -
''It is the sion of foul stomach, my
pet"
Horace Greeley says that the climate
of Missouri is suitel to silk culture, and
that if somebody would take the matter
in hand and import few silk bearing
sheep they woull no doubt reap har-
vest. Somebody asked him where that
particular breed grew, when he replied
'Ddmfno." The chap is searching the
atlas for it. The old philosopher strong
ly recommends home manufactures, and
says: "Thc common American variety
Of turkey raised by every farmer furnish
eS as good morocco as the best imported.
The method of dressing the skins has
everything TO do with it,