Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1871-11-01
Wit and Wisdom
= NOT AT HOME An out-and-out lie
some musicians put on more airs than
heY can nlay


EPITAPH on blind wood sawyer
While none ever saw him see, thou
sands have seen him saw.
EQUALITY, says a French writer
"means desire to- be equal TO you
superior, and superior to your equal.
IF bird in the hand is worth two il
: the bush, it is no less true that thor
In the bush is worth two in the hand
THERE is a city in Silesia bearing tht
unctuous name Of Pfatt. The Chicago
: Post suggests that it is kind of al
obe-citys
Officer in charge (having loob
through his glass; "No, but very
near; you have killed the COW IN the
field to the left"
A LADY on being asked by gentle
man, SWhat do you hold on the ques-
ton of female suffrage2" replied, 81
hold my tongue.
CORRESPONDENT wants to know
whether considering the great utility
OF the ocean,, poets are not wrong i'll
calling it a waste of water
WARTS the difference between the
entrance to barn and a loafer III a
printing Office? One is barn door
and the other is darn bore.
JOSH BILLINGS says: Courage with
out discretion is like ram with horns
on both euds-he will have more fights
on hand than he can do Justice to.
CUSTOMER Do you call that a veal
outlet, waiter? Why, it's an insult to
every true calf in the country p
Waiter-fsI didn't mean to insult
you, sir.
A sTRoNG-MINDED Californian entered
o crowded car, and no one offering her
a seat, she took one on the laps of two
gentlemen, and continued there until
her journeys end, to the amusement of
her beholders, if not of the I" holders
"You can't do too much for your
employers, man, said somebody to
big-fsted, strong backed man-of-all-
work, on the wharf, the other day
ssArrah, replied Pat, with emphasis.
ssneither Will [.
SOMEBODY told Jerrold that George
Robbins, the auctioneer, was dead;
5 " and, of course" added the gentle
man, 'his business will go to the
devil" q" Oh, then he'll get it again,
said the wit afaala aI5ef y
my dear, said a husband to his
better half, after quarrel, s'you will
never be permitted to go to heaven. %
@Why not2' 8 8dt u 5l
Because you will be wanted as a
torment down below"
5' Mr.. JONES'" said Mrs. Jones, with
an air of triumph, :" don't you think
MARRIAGES. a means of grace y "Well,
yes, growled Jones, g suppose any
thing is means of grace that breaks
down prideand leads to repentence." .
Tom and Arthur have been. rude to
their mamma. Mamma has complain
ed to papa, who is heard coming up
stairs. t4
Arthur" say, Tom, here comes
papa shall pretend to be asleep"
Tom-"I I shan't-I shall get up and
put something; on
A YOUNG lady with a very pretty foot, g
but rather large ankle, went into a
San Francico shoe store to be measured.
The admiring clerk, who is of Gallic
extraction, oomplmented her in tbs
following queer way: Madam, you
have one beautiful foot, but re legs com
mence too immediately.
A FIRM of painters on Madison street
bulletin their removal as follows, on q,
sign board erected like q guide board
upon the ruins of their old establish
ment g Moore &. Goe, House and
Sign Painters, removed to Ill Des-
PLANES street. Capital s000,ooo.3o.
AN editor of daily paper has re-
ceived several poetioal effusions sllg-
gested by the Late disaster; but he de
clines them all, on the ground that 1t is
wasteful to print anything which re-
quires that every line should begin
with a Capital when capital is as scarce
as it is now IN Chicago.
Al WOMAN recently went into an
apothecary store in Fairhaven and ask
ed for plaster The pharmaceutist-
incurred what kind, but the woman was
unable to give any description. Ho-s
ping to get some idea of what was re-
quired, the man of drugs then asked ;
aWhere is the plaster to go y" Oh -"
answered the woman, /" to the head of
the river" 9at "a j8fil .Basofa g{7
A GENTLEMAN was, describing to
Douglas Jerrold the story of his court
ship and marriage-how his wife had
been brought up in a convent and was
en- the point of taking the veil when
his presence burst upon her enraptured
sight and she accepted him as her hus-
band. Jerrold listened to the end of
the story, and then quietly remarked,
asShe simply thoughtyou better than 8
num- ~ ~ 6sftrae-t fefr eunnrta stf.9 ~
:. "A WRETCH using the name of "Ellen,
sent to the editor of a Hudson, N. Y,
paper, "a poem entitled s"A Broken
Heart, . and he published it. His name
is Weber, and he was much surprised
and panied to- find next day that the
poem was an acrostic, which, when
spelled out distinctly, asserted that A.
T. Weber is an ass." The price paid
for acrostics in that Office is hardly
large enough to induce persons of COM
manding talent to enter into the bust
ness of composing them as a regular
profession. sdt 6He 81
The Springfield Mass. Republican
is recklessly resolved not to lose good
story on account of It's irreverenee; and
to illustrate the position of one OF the
parson politicians of that state, it tells
of Rhode Island deacon whose piety
was as .fervent as his temper. This lat
ter quality led him, into frequent quar-
rels, in one of which godly brother
turned upon him with the pertinent
query { Whl0 are you, to talk SO to
me2n "Who am I?'' screamed Rev.
DR.. Marvin's great exempler in the
christian life and conversation who
am I 3 I'll tell you who 7 aIp, you ras-
call I'm a poor, humble, unworthy
christian, Cd d-'e gel" l
TITUsvI1LE is proud of its architec-
ture The Herald says; strangers
stopping over night in Oil City are not
allowed to take the train next day, rn-
less they make solemn affidavit before
the Mayor that Loves Block is the
handsomest building they ever sew.
One chap from Rochester, who remark
ed that he thought perhaps Powers
Block was trihe larger, and also
little more expensive, was chucked IN
to the lookup, while foreigner who
said the Coliseum at Rome must have
/ haen mora roomy when cOmDlete has