Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-12-08
HunOr.

HumOr.
Not miss-A pretty widow.
Election fruit--the candidate.
Ruff work-making lace collars.
Autumn hues-wood for winter.
Vegetable philosophy advice.
A waist Of time-A stout old lady's.
Mill-dew-Wages Of the factory girls
The original dollar store-The United
States Treasury.
Clergymen, like brakemen, do a good
deal Of coupling.
The very best kind of agricultural fairs.
farmers daughters.
It is no uncommon thing for hot words
to produce GOODNESS
What can man have in his pocket when
it is empty? A big hole.
4 am receiving nv back rations," as the
soldier said when he was logged for stealing
beef.
The paths Of glory which lead but to the
grave-allopath and homeopath. LooeU
Cour
Blissful imagining ragged urchins
outside restaurant window, and two mince
pies inside.
Why is clergyman like locomotive?
Because you are to look out for him when
The bell rings.
The colored people in Gainesville, Ga.
regulate their time-pieces by wooden watch
used as jewelers. sign.
A boy who had read of sailors heaving
anchors, wanted to know if it was sea- sick
ness that made them do it.
Liberal advertisers are the men who
mean business Those who don't adver
tise only do mean business.
A query for mothers-Why is scream
ing baby like the goddess of morning 2
Because it's roarer (Aurora.)
Why cannot two slender persons ever
become great friends? Because they will
always be slight acquaintances
A year-old boy-baby, beginning to walk,
is by no means good euchre player, be-
cause he insists upon going it alone
my friend, have you sufficient conf
dence in INC to lend me a dollar Oh,
yes! confidence enough, but no dollar
The extra good nature Of tailors, about
this time, contemporary says, is owing to
the immense amount of cabbage this year.
Have you much fish in your bag? asked
person of fisherman. yes, there's
good eel in it, was the rather slippery re-
ply.
It is stated that when the King Of Siam
feels like having little field sport be should
ers his rifle and "goes" for the missiona-
ries.
A Chicago paper says good deal of
our religion is simple starch. That's
the reason it washes out of some folks so
easily.
Mrs. Moore, Of Indiana, thrashed her
husband for getting drunk, and the Louis
vile Leger call her the bride of lama.
Moore.
A tailor has invented a new fashioned
coat; it has neither seam nor opening. To
get into it you have to crawl out Of your
trowsers.
Boarding School Miss-'Oh, Charlie, I
expect to graduate at next commencement
Graduate! What will you graduate in 2
why, in white tulle. Fact.
A crazy man wants to know whether If
clocks were regulated by the moon they
wouldn't be likely to make lunarticks. -
We have no time to investigate the mat
ter
A lady correspondent wishes to know the |
meaning of stag parties They are enter
sainments whereat bucks usually get |
enough additional horns to make them |
stagger.
A man counting young woman was in
terrogated as to his occupation. L am
paper-hanger on large scale,' he replied.
lie married the girl, and turned out to be a |
bill-sticker
John. said cockuey lawyer to his son,
Il see you never will do for an attorney
you have no henergy Excuse me, father
said John, what | want is some of YOUR
chickenary'
Duck hunting is carried to somewhat of
an excess in New York State. Five hunt.
ers to one duck is the average in Otsego
county, and then the duck gets away about
half the time.
An economical shoemaker painted his
own sign, and being scarce of paint, ar
ranged it thus:
E
witness in late divorce suit kent saw.
ing that the wife had very retaliating dis.
position; that she retaliated for every little
thing. Did you ever see her husband kiss
her 7" asked the wife's counsel. Yes, sir
often Well, what did she do on such
occasions? tShe always retaliated, SIR
The sad story of Cleopatra is thus told
by truly rural poet:
She got little p'ison snake;
And hid it in her gown;
1t gave its little tail shake,
And did her job up brown.