Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-07-28
HunOr.

HumOr.
Generally speaking-Women
Goes against the grain moving ma
chine
Glory is we'll enough for rich man, but
it is Of very little consequence to a poor man
with large family.
A man who has repeatedly tried them,
says that all the short cuts to fortune are
horribly overcrowded.
Why are poor relations like fits of the
govt? Because the oftener they come, the
longer they stay.
Why is baby a poor euchre.player? Be-
cause it can't go alone (Of course not,
when its mother takes it up.O
"Thero are three things" said a w.t.
which I have loved without understanding
paintings, music and women
A Terre Haute editor named Jordan hav-
ing grown rich, will start bank. It will
be called Jordan's Stormy Bank
One who wishes the world to know what
he knows about farming, says that the best
way to raise strawberries, is with spoon.
An Irishman, upon seeing squirrel shot
from tree, said Faith, and that's waste
of powder. The fall itself would have killed
the squirrel.
The SCHOLAR AS ACUTE AS HIS MASTER.
Now then, fust boy in 'rithmetic, how
many white beens are there in ten black
ones? Ten, sir, if you skin en- ~
At church collection for missions, the
preacher feelingly said, MY good brethren,
let me caution those Of you who put in but
tons not to break off the eye. It spoils them
for use.'
A most excellent old lady uptown is
much exercised in mind to know how it is
that little quicksilver in glass tube can
make such awful hot weather by just rising
in it an inch or two
A Bostonian who did Mount Washington
on foot last year, says that he got as raven
Gus as raven among the ravines, and sat
down in one of the gorgeous gorges and
gorged himself.
Some new beginners are practicing on
such specimens as these:
How much does fool weigh generally :?
A simple ton. In what color should Sc
eret be kept? In violet
Don't trouble yourself to stretch your
mouth any WIDER said dentist to a man
whs was extending his jaw frightfully, 'as
intend to stand outside during the perfor-
NANCE
The blessed man that preached for US last
Sunday said Mrs. Partington, served the
Lord for thirty years first as circus rider,
then as a locust preacher. and last as an
exhauster.'
The following is copy of bill posted
on tho wall Of a country village: "A lecture
on total abstinence will be delivered in the
open air, and a collection will be made at
the door to pay expenses.
CooL.-There is something exquisite in
our oountryman's reply to the European
traveller, when he asked him if he had just
crossed the Alps. 'Wa'al, now you call my
attention to the fact, guess | did pass risin'
ground spell ago.
Our friend whose eye-sight was not good,
was recommended to Try glasses. He says
he went and took four at the nearest drink
ing saloon, and the result was that his sight
was so much improved that he could sec
double.
A husband advertises thus: MY wife Ma.
riah has strayed or been stolen. Whoever
returns her will get his head broke As to
trusting her, anybody can do SO if they see
fit; for as | never pay my own debts, it's
not likely I'll pay her'n.'
An Oxford professor, addressing class
Of law students at graduation, said: Young
gentlemen, you are about to launch out up
on the ocean of law; do not, like squirrels,
skip from tree to tree and branch to branch,
leaving the fragments behind. III. i
A country fellow came to the city to see
his intended wife, and for long time could
think of nothing to say. At last, great
snow falling, he took occasion to tell her
that all his fathers sheep would be I'M
done.
'Well,' said she kindly taking him by the
hand, 'pll keep one Of them
I fear said country minister to his
flock, when explained to you, in my last
charity sermon, that philanthropy was the
love of our species, you must have misun-
derstood me to say Specie which may &C.
count for the smallness Of the collestion.-
You will prove, l hope, by your present
contribution. that you are no longer labor.
ing under the same mistake
A Western preacher explained the pas
sage through the Red Sea by saying that
the Israelites crossed on the Ice. An auditor
interrupted, remarking there is no ice under
the equator. Sir said the excited preach
er, this happened thousands of years be-.
fore the age of Biographies, and before
there was any equator. l think, brethren
and sisters, l have answered the gentleman
completely
Here is good one on the later bugs.a-.
Three men were comparing notes:
One says. There is two bugs to every
stalk 10y
A second says, They have cut down my
early crop, and are sitting on the fence wait
Jog for the late crop to come up
'Pshaw,' said the third, you don't know
anything about it. passed seed store tn
other day, and the bugs were in there look
ing over the books to see Eho has purchaser
seed potatoss