The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-06-10
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

| postmaster, in this state because he had a dent
! in his hat. We expect the next fashion of hats
now will be with large dent in one side.-IW-
| nois StattsnaGa.
This suggests chance for a conundrum.
Why are the government offices in this country
| like the forests of South America? Because
they are DeatS-ly filled.
Wilson, the "local" of the ILLINOIS Statesman
does few sharps. or make ups" such as these
rooster is never alone, because he always has
a crow with him
| potato bug went down the river here last
week, towing canal-boat.load of potatoes.
The La Sale county soldiers monument is
progressing rapidly, and will be completed by
the 4th Of July next Wilmington LsdepSuds,i.
The above is "sArkastk" The monument has
hardly been commenced or. at least, it has not
appeared above ground. 1t may have gone
'tother way.
The latest style at a dinner party is to have
fan placed at each lady's plate, on which is
printed the bill of fare, and on the side of which
is small looking-glass, so that she is able to
| survey herself and keep cool-Er
1t is evident that these ladies hayn't any "sur.
| veyor' of their own.
The Aurora Beacon gets "one in" on the Her.
| aid, as follows:
The ''seven year locusts" have arrived on time.
| and their singing reminds US OF old Egypt in the
days OF the plague.-HerdN.
We were aware that the heavy man of the
Herald is somewhat aged, but never knew before
that he was resurrected mummy, with recol-
lections dating back to old Pharoh's time
An Aurora paper says that DR.. Hard, of that
city, has four legged chicken. The paper for
got to state that the chicken is correct photo
graphic likeness of one CT the editors of the
Herald
western paper, with eloquent gravity, says:
There Is man who often comes to Hamilton,
Navada, whose nose is such extraordinary length
that he only take liquids through straw
| or glass tube he carries with him-the straw or
tube has to be inserted in the corner of his mouth
az bis nose will not allow it to 20 in The middle
tie must be cousin to the man who had to hire
| boy to lead his nose around corners.
We mast positively and firmly enter our pro-
test az ainst the conduct OF the Aurora papers in
every now and then announcing that Professor
Wedgewood is running dancing school, He
isn't either. He is Superintendent of the public
schools OF this county, and we can prove it. He
don't know the first principle Of dancing
One of our contemporaries suggests the follow.
ing cure for earache: Get pretty girl 10
whisper in it night and morning" Kerect we
have tried it, and know it to be success. The
only trouble is, that should you make her mad.
her whispering may add TO your misery by Civ
np hear Ia
good lady, who improved every opportunity
to teach by precept and example, once remarked
at u prayer meeting My friends. as . came
along saw COW switching of her tail. In
this wicked world of strife she was peaceful and
| contented d switching of her tail; and said to
myself, Go thou and do likewise 'n-InQidno
Paper.
1t is nice going to some Iowa schools. A LADY
teacher at Des Moiues called boy up and made
HIM show her how he kissed the big girls in the
woodsbed. After he showed her, she punished
him by making him stay after school. He saws
he don't want to graduate for two years yet.
An Iowa girl who read Cooper's novels until
she became possessed with the idea that she
could never be happy unless as the bride of a
''red man of the forest" found one last week.
married him and went to his camp on the banks
| OF the sylvan stream where he trapped for musk
| rats. She only staid one night, and came home
with black eye, and had to send out for a bot
tie OF hair restorative. 1t seems the noble say.
aye got drunk and pdnched her in the eye, while
his old sQuaw went among her hair. The girl
don't want any more Indian, if she knows her
own heart.
Darwin's theory of the history Of man ought
TO be renamSd-"Thc Monkey Wreuch."-Ne,c
Orleans Times.
Some sinner has stoln the Thermometer from
the Fond du Lac Reporter office. That paper
informs the thief that 1t will be of no use to
| him where he is going, as it does not work high
er than 3l3 degrees. Clinton Register.
According to the Gslena papers, they are hay
ing apron Parties" up in those "diggings"
Are the aprons made OF Gs leaves?
According to the La Sale Press, Kirby Hooper
was "opened" at Wenona lately, and the party
of La Salle-ists who were able to return next
morning, came in without the aid of the locomo-
tive, they having enough steam On" to run til
machine
A three.eyed cat is Noank production, and
Noank wonId like to known, II You please, how
| is that for eye.--loln XGgeH Tdll0dtUm.
| Elmira rats steal shoe.pegs, and stow them
away for oats. The silly rat that depends on
such food for his winter supply, will peg out"
before spring.-Diron Uyald.
Two little school girls were lately prattling
together one vi them said, ave keep four ser.
| wants, have got six horses aud lots of carriages