Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-08-19
The DarWinian Theory.

which we find in the Santa Clara Areus,
gives desiled account of learned dis
cussion Of the Darwinau theory had in
Grants Kitchen Cabinet, assembled by
Grant that he ght learn something in
regard to it, from which we make the fol-
lowing extract:
And now," concluded his excellency,
lighting another cigar, and settling into
the attitude of good listener, 6 60 ahead,
I want to get the bang Of the matter from
your collective wisdom"
After a profound silence several Of the
cabinet began speaking at once, but after
awhile the result Of their collective wisdom
was cptomizcd for the benefit of the Exc
cutiye about in this form: that, the Dar-
winian theory was one of progressive de-
had come from negro, that the negro had
come from the monkey when he lost his
tail, that the monkey had come from the
horse or the lion or the hog or the ass, or
from great many more animals, in any
case they were all "a kind of cousins.
I'VE do know said General Babcock,
that the highest iutelccts Of the age ac-
cept the Darwinian theory or admit its
plausibility. 1t is therefore, exceedingly
probable that it is true, and l believe it is
true, and will all swear it is true" There
ensued a general nodding Of heads, and
the President, after looking from one to
the other with puzzled air, laid down his
-ar for moment and said in tone of
quiet evaporation: "Do you want to
make ne believe that an oyster could train
himself, or that even Pref. Pratt could
train him to anything? There might be
something in the monkey part of the story
| have seen a monkey in uniform go
through the sword exercise on the back Of
poodle, but did any of you see an oyster
ride 2"
"No," said ingalls,, but we mostly learn
to walk before We learn to ride, and it is
well attcsted fact that Yankee succeeded
in SO far tanning all oyster that it would
come to him when be wished, and follow
him up three pairs Of stairs. The man
himself said so. The monkey question in
this council is strictly within the province
Of its military members, on the oyster
question Ga marine production) let us defer
TO the opinions of the Naval Secretary and
of Jack Alden. They have both, I know,
had an extensive experience in oysters,
and Robson, if l am not misinformed,
successfully emulated tho Yankee oyster
tamer Didn't you train an oyster to
follow you up three flights of stairs when
you whis,lcd ?" "No," said the Secretary
modestly. Ihave had an oyster go with
me, even without whistling, but l never
had one to follow ME up stairs" Yes"
said Jack Alden, II will swear to that I;
the poor oyster could not ascend the steps,
he had not yet brought him to that, but
it followed him to the. foot of the stairs
and waggcl its tail and looked affection
a,ey up in Robcson's face" "Where did
the oyster get tail to wag?" asked the
executive incredulously. "Oh," said In
gals, that is a consequence and confr-
nation Of the Darwinian theory; when
you enlarge the oyster mind by education,
the tail sprouts out" "Who saw that
tail, and how long was t." asked the
President. g did " quoth Jack Alden,
g 1t was very short then, but it grew
longer, and have seen that oyster many
time pick his teeth with the end of it
when his mind appeared disturbed"
"Whcrc did the teeth come from!" asked
the still unconvinccd Executive. How
should l know" replied the Admiral /;
:" l suppose from the same place that the
tail did, if may presume to have an opin-
ion upon subject which seems to puzzle
even the wisdom convened at this council
board, and the high intelligence presiding
over it. All know is what saw, and
that it is quite as true that the oyster had
set Of teeth as it is that it had a tail"
"Thc teeth" said ingalls,, "wero the corol-
larry of the tail, and the tail was the coroE
larry of intcllcctua!lity, and emotionally cul-
tivatng the oyster"