Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-03-03
NO. 25.
HuInOr.

to be we'll shaken-the baby.
WITH what different eyes do we view
an action, when it is our own, and when
it is another's -.,,..t
WHEN does an editor play singular
trick with grammar? When he declines
an article.
A DOCTOR was asked to dance the
"Lancers;" he declined, but expressed a
willingness to lance the dancers.
Mr.. SULLIVAN, of Lockport, n. Y,
introduced a new fashion in suicide by
cutting his throat with a handsaw.
AT a recent Connecticut funeral, the
carriages lost their way, not being able
to keep up with the hearse.
Nor that which men do worthily, but
that which they do successfully, iswhat
history hastens to record.
The other day, while teacher was
hearing a boy recite his lesson, the fol-
lowing passage occurred "The wages
of sin is death" The teacher, wishing
to get the word wages" out by deduc-
ton, asked, "What does your father
get every Saturday night?" The boy
answered promptly, " He gets drunk p
WITH big tears in his eyes, sweet
little Pennsylvania girl of five summers
asked, Will dear little brother Johnny
die tonight, mother ~ And when she
was assured that the doctor thought
not, she continued, while sobs choked
her utterance, Poor Johnny, wish he
would, because then | could have his
little white-handled knife and fork"
AN eccentric minister in a large par
ish had seventeen couples to carry at
once in a grand common service at
church. In the course Of the wedding
he asked one of the men to pledge him
self to the wrong woman. The man
naturally protested, and was told,
Hold your tongue? l will marry you
all now and here; you can sort your
selves going home"
"A FRIEND of mine," said ErslIine,
"was suffering from continual wake
fulness, and various methods were tried
to bring him sleep. At last his physl-
clan resorted to an eXpedient which
succeeded admirably. They dressed
him in watchman's coat, put Ian
tern in his hand, placed him in SEN
try-box, and he was asleep in ten min
utes."
MARK TWAIN, whose horse was SO thin
that he had to lean against tree to
think, was considerably beaten by q
Il ng, cadaverous specimen of humanity
.iIst in from the country, who SAID he
had a brother living in Cairo so poor
that the sun would shine through him,
and that he had to put on an overcoat
to make a shadow.
A coNCEITED fellow, who prides him
self on being able to explain and under
stand everything, was present during a
conversation about apple butter. He
had never heard the term before, and
commenced repeating it to himself,
when one Of his friends said to him
Perhaps you do not know what apple
butter is?' "Oh yes, do" was the
answer {" suppose it is made from the
milk of COWS fed on apples"
A BosToN merchant, who, on money
making intent, took it into his head to
Join the innumerable caravan of bank
rupts, called meeting Of his creditors,
and informed them of his intention.
They appointed committee 10 look
into his affairs, and at their first meet
ing one of them said /" ! suppose you
know how you stand as well as we could
ascertain if we went through your
books. What do you propose to
pay ?" The merchant hesitated a mo-
ment, and then said: 81 don't know
what are they paying in Milk street,?
AN old farmer was out one fine day
looking over his broad acres, with an
axe on his shoulder and a small dog at
his heels. They espied woodchuck.
The dog gave chase and drove him into
stone wall, where action Immediately
commenced. The dog would draw the
woodchuck partly out from the wall,
and the woodchuck would take the dog
back. The old gentleman's sympathy
getting high on the side Of the dog, he
l. hn1y, him Sn Y,tIttInO