The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1871-12-01
WIT AND HUMOR.
An MISUNDERSTANDING bar.
The best heID-HeIn vourself

piness is ore"
Advice to stocking mender5-Do
your darndest.
Huers of wood and drawers of
water-Painters.
Fall fashions for Chicago-Sacks
of flour and potatoes.
The dearest spot on earth-The
store that don't advertise.
When is a clock on the stairs dan
geroug? When it runs down.
A 10 Vely mode ofreasoning. Man
and woman putting their heads to-
gether.
a lobater never comes ashore |
without great risk of getting into |
hot water.
TO get rid of red hair-uold your |
head for few minutes in a strong
blaze of gas.
''That's my business" as the butch
or said to the dog that was killing
his sheep.
When a mans face turns as yellow
as guinea, he is said to have q rich
complexion.
Why is a beefsteak like n locomo-
tive? It is not of much account
without its tender.
a baker has invented new kind
of yeast. 1t makes bread so light
that a pound Of it weighs only twelve
ovnces.
Why is husband like Mississip-
pi steamboat? Because he never
knows when he is going to get
blowing up.
Wisconsin man reported that he
couldn't find word IN the diction-
airy, because ''the blasted book hadn't
got an index"
Who is the faetest man in the
world? a drummer. Why Be
cause time beats all men, but drum
mer beats time.
The 'Pilgrim's Progress" has
Ecen translated into Chinese, and
che Of the illustrations represents
Christian with a pigtail.
he difference between an entrance
TO barn and loafer in q priutjn"
office? One is barn door, and the
other is a darn bore.
A New England spinster says she
doesn't care anything about female
suffrage unless it carries with il the
right TO make proposals of marriage.
What air does the young mouse
sing to the old mouse when biting
his way through the scenery at the
opera? "Hear me gnaW, ma" (NOr-
Ina.)
A Cincinnati horse doctor advcr-
tises to teach horse to sing, which
suggests TO the Boston Post that we
Lave enough One-horsc singers al
ready.
Respecting the slang phrase '.Y~cu
know how it is Yourself" az ex-
change expresses the hope that as ii
has been traced back to Shake
SPEAR it will be allowed to stay
there.
a story is told of a person asking
another whether he would advise
him to lend a certain friend money.
what lend him money? \ on might
give him an cmetic, and he wouldn't
return it."
"John," said cockuey lawyer to
bis son, IT see you viii never DO for
an attOrney-yOu have no hene-gy."
Excuse me, father" said John.
what L want is some of your chick
enary."
a Missouri hunband whose wife
has applied for divorce, writes a
protestant to the Judge, in which lie
says: "this dam thing they call de-
vOrce has, in my opinion, parted
many a man and WIFE,"
1t is said that if you take two let
tiers from money there viii be but
one left. We have heard of man
who took money from letters and
there wasn't any left.
ooh, grandma! !" cried q mischiev.
Gus little urchin, 81 cheated the hens
so nicely just now. l threw then
your gold beads, and they though
they were corn, and ate them up a,
fast as they could"
a wag out west who read that dry
copperas put in bed of ants wonlC
cause them to leave, put some in hi
mother-in-law' bed to see if sht
wouldn't go. lie says she was therr
at last accounts.
"My DEAR" said husband to hi
wife, "Pm going to start a COfle,
plantation" How'll you get tn
land ?" ooh, there's no trouble
abont that; always have plenty 0
coffee grounds in my cup"
"You say" said Judge to q wit
ness, "that the plaintiff resorts to al
ingenious use OF circumstantial evi
dence; state just exactly what yOI
mean by that" well" said tn
witness, "my exact meaning is tina
he lied"
"That fellows got into the wron,
grave" said one gentleman 10 anoth
or, in cemetery. GLOW so - BE
cause / know him to be q forger AM
a thief, and yet, look upon that cpl
iaph." BE careful" said the other
chow you speak, for none of us Iiv
up to our epitaphs."
A musician, whose nose had be
come distinctly colOred with inc re-
wine ne was wont TO imbibc, sal
one day TO his little son at the table
You must eat bread, NY boy brea
makes your checks red" The littl
boy replied FEATHER, what lots G
OF bread you must have snulled up
Three little boys were disputing q
10 whose father said the shortes
grace. ''My father says, Lord w
thank you for these provisions
Second boy-"And m'ne says, ia
th,.r bless this food to u.s. Thir
yoy-"Ah, but mines the best of al
lie shovcs his plate toward mann
and says, Darn ye, fill up
Somebody whose immaginatio
outruus the facts in the case, tell
what he would do:
iCI was a IokIe editor
Wouldn't ! have time,
! wouldn't print a cUsscd word
J5rless than g line.
IA set my grub and Ticker free.