The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-04-04
MY VENGEANCE.

always get my OH OF mlu-uaV SUD-
stance at the opposition shop now
Absalom J. Runts-for amt been to
Slobbs' for months. If you'd like ter
know why, wal, or whether or no, I'd
tell YOU. 1t is because some Of our
boys have mort'lly grand idea of Der
ringers and Bowies, and they don't take
kindly vet to the Sheriff and the COM
mittee of vigilance. We're rising city,
though, at West Paraira and what we
shall be in a few years there amt no
tellin' at all, but it'll be sight, stran-
ger; and if you of the rotten old coun-
try don't gnaw your teeth with envy
why, my name amt Hiram.
Iou see the great Pacific line goes
through us clean, and we've been risin
ever since it started. There amt city
out West with more bars where you
can have a smile or morning painter !;
if there is, tell me on it. Then see
what instructions we've got rising fast,
from Nathan D. Anson's store right
down to the Paraira Solid Milk and
Butter Company in Cross street, num-
Der ten hundred an eight. Slobbs' is
in Cross street. number nine, as praps
you know; Absalom J. Runt's is in
Straight street, and there's a mortal
enmity between them two. It's the
steam does it | think.
left off going TO Slobbs because |
thought it was good for me, bein' a very
mild, inoffensive sort OF fellow. You
see there was a waiter at Slobhs' as
had sort of spite agin me, and he'd
always give me the worst cuts of the
beef and the latest of the mutton /;
while as to gravy, | got more gravy at
Runt's in one day than them Slobbses
let me have in a week. Then | allus
had the wettest salt and the stale bread,
and the dirtiest bit Of the tablecloth !;
and if there waS knife that had broken
loose and turned round in the heft, that
knife was put for me.
We didn't like one another-me and
the waiter didnt-and we got more and
more enemies every day, till | seen very
plain as there must he bust soon. |
KEEP it in, though, for | thought as
something might turn up so as to let
me serve Mr.. Waiter out by deputy.
There was another thing, too, as |
didn't like at Slobb's, only it wasn't a
thing, it was a great ugly customer as
always sot on me-mettyphoricalIy, OF
course, | mean, for he was allus mock
ing like at my humble ways; and if
ever | ordered my glass of anythink,
he d roar iustanter for the waiter, and
call for bottle He made himself on
pleasant to me, he did, and snubbed
me on politics more than few; but L
let it all wait ! saved it all up as you
may suppose, thinking how much |
should like to have it out with him !;
but never seemed to get no chance till
about a week after Slobbses came out
strong with a new set of j. Puddick s
Alabama Lecterer Plate, warranted to
wear better than solid silver. Them
spoons and forks just did shine so as it
seemed pity to put EN- in the soup, or
to get EN- greasy, for YOU could see
your face in EN-, so as YOU never got
tired OF wooing the expression OF your
features.
But even the sight OF them spoons
didn't settle me, and | wasn't going to
he tempted into stopping, when Runt s
had their doors open to me, and there
was gravy and welknm.
This citizen as allus sot on me was
washed in with the name Of Shimei-
Shimei B. Parsons was his total-and
his people made some cuss Of a mistake
or other over his name, ! bet, or else
they'd never ha' took this one.
We got to the climax at last, we did :;
and | left without a word, after servln'
'em both out pleasant-like 1t was like
this. I'd had bit OF the toughest old
steak | ever did stick teeth into since
chawed caoutchouc at school, aud got
leather for it; and after Id been puz'
zling my teeth with that bit o steak
for half an hour, who should come in
but Shimei; and the tust thing he does
is to hang his great coat over the rail
where | was sitting, knock down my
felt hat, ard then laugh fieering like, at
me.
never saws nothing; but that there
was tougher than the steak, and could
not swallow it bit; but there | sits
with that coat touching Of me, and the
waiter halEgrinning at me to see me so
uncomfortable. II reckon Id like TO
chaw the couple on yer up" l thinks
to myself; and then, somehow, while |
was a-balancin one OF J. Puddick' 6
Alabama 'Lecterer Plate Spoons on my
finger, ! let it slip into one o nv friend
opposites coat pockets; when, thinking
as the poor thing might be cold all
alone there by itself, I slips in anothe.
to keep it company. II shouldn'
wonder il that there coat was to hang
lopsided after that" thinks | to myself
and while my neighbor was running
his eve down the columns Of the Yves
Paraira Triboon, just slips couple o
forks into the other pocket, and ther
waits a little while till my fren' thu
waiter condescends to take the bill