The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-01-24
II U M 0 RoUS IT E MS

S~E AiOh uO DOu uOuuC UluCk as
your hat Z? says a schoolmaster to one of
his pupils. Darkness that may be felt,"
replied the youthful wit.
Ds4" Henry Ward Beecher says that
the most gratifying circumstances in his
life was the being kissed by Kossuth.
A contemporary asks Isn't this little
hard upon poor Mrs. Beecher ?"
Bsy" Now, children" asked a school
inspector, "who loves all men?" A lit
tie girl not four years old, and evidently
not well up in the catechism, answered
quickly:
"All Women !"
Day' A New England schoolboy wrote
the following composition" on trees:
"There are great many kinds of trees
the apple, peach, plum, cherry, and a
great many other kinds. like cherry
pic best"
Bsly" /" | never ask gentleman for
money, said New England preacher
"Then how do you livc?" inquired his
friend. why, after a certain time, /
conclude that man is not gentleman
and then | ask him.
Bay" A Wisconsin editor was called out
Of bed one night to receive subscription.
After that he sat up nights for over a
week but the occurrence was not repeated
We have sat up several nights to take
prescriptions, which were d" repeated"
Ht2y" Quin, being asked by lady why
there were more women in the world than
men replied 1t is in conformity with
the other arrangements Of nature, madam;
we always see more of heaven than of
earth"
B9g" A somewhat philosophical gentle
man in barber's shop, spoke out from
his lather, Well, for the life of me l do
not understand how the Prussians move
such immense bodies of men," "That's
just what allied Napoleon" said the leu
tonic shaver
pa" A little six-year-old was walking
with father, and passing church, the
child asked: "What house is that ?"
"That is the Dutch Church." was the re-
ply; people go there to be good, so that
they may become angels" "Will they
be Dutch angels, pap" That child
should be sent to Sunday school.
nf1y'" 1t has always been mystery to
us where all the Smiths come from; but
while visiting in a neighboring city, the
matter was satisfactorily explained by the
appearance Of large sign over the door
of factory; with the announcement that
this was the Smith Manufacturing Com
pany"
R6S" A lawyer in Connecticut, not re-
markable for his cleanliness of person, ap-
peared at party while ago with rose
in his buttonhole. Where do you sup
pose it came from?" said he to brother
lawyer who was admirng it. The latter
looked up and down the entire length of
the qucstioner, and with great delibera-
ton responded, Why, l suppose it grew
there"
BeS- A gentlaman from Ireland" en-
ployed as mason tender, procured from
a spring. water for his mortar; and by dip
ping lime bucket into the spring, caused
the death Of two pet gold fishes. When
rebuked he drew himselfup and replied:
" 1t is the yellow fish ye name ? Bedad
sir, I'd rather have one Goldfish than the
pair Of EN-"
sa- A darkey returning from church
was asked to give an account of the SER
mon.-"" Well, sab, de sermon was upon
de miracle OBJ de loaves and de fishes De
minister said how der was seven thousand
loaves, an five thousand fishes, divided
between de twelve 'postles" "Well,
what miracle was there about that?"
Why, sab; de miracle was dat dey
didn't Jnst! dat's my perception OBJ do
circumstances"
Day" We met this witty and unanswer-
able retort in sketch of short trip
through portion of Ireland The writer
is conversing with his car driver:
You are Catholic, Jimmyp
Yes, yer honor"
"And pray to the Virgin Mary z"
| do, yer, honor"
"Well there's no doubt she was a
good woman. The Bible say so. But she
may have been no better than your
mother or mine"
That's true, yer honor. But then
you'll allow there's mighty difference in
their cbildran pj