The Sumter watchman. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1855-1881, 1871-01-18
4 6ARPRT.BAaGRR,s sRRMoN.

IA: 6ARP8T-BAaaeTps sRRmoN.
"a. My1wretched brethering and sister
Ing, as was ridln' along the road on'
day, I seen man setin' on the top u,
his fence, with doubled-barreled sho'
gun on his lap, an swettin' an fsnuir
Nv himself with an cid straw hat, an I,
eussin' Nv the Fourth of July, an Nortt
America, an the CONSTRUCTION, an the
Supreme Court, an the President W the
United Ssases, an the Bird nv Liberty
an the Freedman's Buro, an the Fif.
fteenth Amendment; an when I hearr
that man cussin' aud seen that big
shot gun, thinks I to myself, in the
words nv the text:
"An' when they ris up airiy in ths
mornin< behold they wuE all dead cor
pusses."
And I tole Roam to wo, and seq ].
"my ungodly fren, eff you sware in tAa,
are way yu'll furever and deternely ruin
ate yer Immortal soul, and never gIt
nibble when ye 60 6shin'." An sea
he, "You tc thunder, you darned old
mishappen, misbegotton mistake az
creation efyou bad to git the grass
out Nv a cstton crop with free uiggers,
you'd git on a stump an cuss yourself
ont nv yonr burned old yaller hide"
Sez /, "My srrin' fren, 1t cuts me to the
marrer to see you strugglip' in the bon
dige Nv sia." An sez be, "My puukin-
faced customer, eff you can cline this
tail red oak thar and see anything in
this ere mis'hle land but bondige and
crab-grass, you kin have my old hat for
hens nest" An sez l, "Aly hard
swearin' frep, I'm afraid you'll never
register your name in the book Of
eternal life." An SEE he, 81 went to
town last week TO register, but l couldn't
git site Nv the book fur the Internal
greesy uigssrs." "Oh, mistaken hu-
mau,a see I, 81 trfnble for yer futur,
for you are on the road leadin' to per-
dishun." "Ap' ssz he, "You are q
cussed ole liar, for I'm on the road
leadin' to Benton" Ihove sigh, an
sez I, in the langwidge Nv my text:
can when they riz up airly iu the
mornin' behold they wrs all dead cor
pusses."
An be seq, "Let 'em rise, aud the
devil take 'em ALL" Oh, sufferin' feller-
creeter !" sez l, "ef you would bat sue
for grace, ye might join the heavenly
quirc, and be mancipated from the
shaekles Nv sin, and 'seape everlassin'
perdishun !" An he cooked up bis
gun, and sez he, "f had twenty-six
likely uigsers mancipatsd, an ef you
open yer jaw bone about emancipation
to me again, I'll make buzzard wittles
out'n yer internal ole carcas quicksr'n
hell could scorch a nat"
Nv constau. frens an hearers, when
seen that wicked man cockin' nv his
gun, I begin to feel mighty jubus, aud
the words Nv my text smote upon my
ear:
"Au' when they riz up sirly in the
mornin' they wuz all dead corpusses: 7"
But my christian hearers, I felt call
ed upon to try my hand once more on
this poor objurit man, an sez /, "My
blasphemous fren, you are continually
and eternally damned eff Jou don't I'M
meiiAy cit down off that ar fence go to
some sequestered spet and pray for your
souls redenpshun." An shure nuff he
did jump down often the fence. but ne
didn't hunt 90 sequestered spot, my un'
godly hearers; be stuck that big ole
double-barreled shot gun close up to my
| reverend head, and sez he: 81 have
hearn that a sequestcr was the ne1'
thing to con6scasor, an ef that's yer
business in this here settlement you had
better begin to grow mighty small and
beautiful less"
An my hearers, it looked es il
drove nv mules could have trotted dowr
the barrels nv that ar ole shot gun, an
| I put spurs to ole Roam an' ] gallupped
through the wilderness for four ant
! twenty hours aa' I, sed to myself e
that ar man don't pail up soon he'll gb
to the end Of his rope, and take up hil
abode where the worm dieth not and the
frs is not squenchsd ; for in the lang
widge Nv my text, with a slight Varia-
tion:
sAn' when he rises up airly in tht
mornin' behold he will be damned"
An shore naG, my patient freus ant
| hearers, iu about three days that poor
upgodly, proffantsd man was TUX up b!
q milingtary commisshuu and hung fol
KILN Nv q niger. Az my listuin
| frsns an hearers, when / seed hin
stasdiu' on the great immeusity u,
spaoe, between wind and weather, I
kickin' at the fourth district, seq I, il
the laDgWidgs Of the inspired him +,
! "ote more sinner dead and gone,
4 silver spade to dig his grave;
A golden chain to let him down;
A bsgie horn to blow him On"
can wheo they ris up airly in th'
| moruin' behold they wuz all dead cor
pussea-"
The brethsring aud sisteriug will SIM
9 oouoludiH' hime, while the deacon
hand around their hat for the nickles.
j wEsTRRa DEDBUGs.
When Horace Greedy toek his triI