The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-12-23
HOME MATTERS
Pepper Salt and Spic..

Jolly sort OF sport, and il An imnrov.-..,,
old song, It's Och! We had lots Of In, =. ~.
niRins wake" I'VE have hen of the fsr,.,.
complexion. That hen lately took a notion -
set. We opposed the enterprise, but still abe l.nt
on setting. We expostulatsd with he, w. e.
gued the question; We demonstrated IN. d;..a.
vantages attendant upon incubatiny at this in.
clement season of the year. We proved that n
knit stockings for infant chickens has Already
been considered tedious job but still che set
and sat and sot Finding moral suasion uselsss
with that strong minded old hen, we tried force
we heaved rocks at her, and the moment A rock
would come near her, she would hook her hull
behind 1t and roll it under and chuck lin
manner most contented and exasperating
Then we piled Jumps of coal in her nest. She
climbed on top of the coal, spread herself out,
and looked like speckled umbrella over de.
cayed hay stack, and still she set, sat, sot and
sotted. We next resorted to strstagem. We
removed the coal, made a nice cosy nest. and
placed therein hat full of nice round cbu,ks
of ice. We called her in our blandest ,nanner
explained to her that we were sorry for having
been so rude to her, and that she might set az
long as she wanted to; that is, "a long AZ abe
could find II agreeable She clucked her thanks
and proceeded to e1teEd herself all over that
ice. We watched her closely. Pretty soon she
seemed not perfectly comfortable and chanped
her base; then She stood up and drew up one
foot to warm it; then she put down that and
drew up the other; then she looked down 70 sec
Il she could discover the csuse Of the ex,raordi.
nary lew degree Of temperature prevailing in
the nest; then she sat down. In few moments
she resumediher former imsnoeuvers,' and then
she hew up Oh the roost and caokled. pretending
that she had laid an egg. 1t is needless 70 add
that that hen has abandoned the idea OF setting
any more this winter 80. We have made a con.
tract to supply George Mitchell with gymp.um
weeds for green's They go luscious with fried
oysters boiled raw on the half she'll %. We give
notice to couple Of promiseAt drueger-men on
Main street, that If they do not keep their NAL.
'ese cats out OF our Office, we will play the Kill.
kenny trick upon them, (the cats, not the drug.
gists) We will tie their tails together, throw
them over telegraph wire and let them fia ht it.
out on that line western Unios) if j. takes
all winter !.... One evening lately, when we
saw our pet schoo! "marm' in company with
another "feler," after having retired TO the eel.
lar toeer cellar; TO weep, and when we had no
more tears to aned, (Bsemus shei,l in the bitter.
ness OF our heart we invented the following con.
undrn": why is pretty young lady with q
grecian bend like boy who j, being well
switched: Ans Because the Creci.n bend
makes 'he girl bell. and the switch makes the
hoy nall
Au'.1cF this up: Why is buck whea. cake
like caterpillar Aus. Because the cat.erpil.
lar goes OUT into the sun, spd the cake zoe, into
sunny! Here we became knyhm A few DAYS
ago boyfrom the e oor.l dees.rix" II ade his
appearance u: Dre~'s college, aud duly paid Tor
'larnin, ri,n and fggsr.," aud departed in
search of place for GRUB and to rooss" Next
morning AZ daylight, Mr.. Drew. morning nap
was suddenly disturbed by loud knocking a.
his bed room door. The thermometer at that
early hour indicated dogs below zero, aud Mr..
Drew, apprehensive Of fire, murder, cholera or
something equally TO be dreaded, rushed to
the door in his sleeping hsbilimcnts and
WAS "stonisbed by the inquiry, "Ssy. mister,
how esryso' mornings does this thing start.
aged, becsuse Of the fact that he 10 a blonde.
Whether he is Sweds or y Nor.sker is the un.
decided question Some evenings ago promi.
! nent citizen OF our meek OF the woods" was at
festival, and WAS called upon for q small dona.
nation fer religious object. Being out OF cash,
he borrowed from q friend s., and in a few
days returned the amount with this handsome
sckno wlegement:
OTTAWA, Dec. 1871.
| You caught me in a tight place and loaned
me 8. He that giveth to the poor lendeth
to the Lord"
The other party responded these wisely:
Received of the Lord, by the hands OF his ser.
want, this 18th day of Dec, A. d 1871, one dol.
lar, in full for amount given said servant, for
the purpose Of purchasing q sufficient interest
for said servant in - church."
1.-The Lord giveth aud the Lord taketh away,
aud lucky be he who hath the Lord for security"
....O'Neil, At Cards. has concooted new drink
called "Cunduvango Smash" He will set it
out free on Christmas. -. DR.. Hobert offers his
friends most rare and encouraging amusement
on Christmas; in fact, u splendid Christmas
gift. lie will remain in his rooms all day on
the 25th inst, and pull teeth for nothing. It this
isn't q delicate appreciation Of ones feelings,
what is?
Do you need boys olothingP Remember that
NJ. Stisfel & Co., At the white store on the cor.
nsr make that speciality.
O..