The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1871-08-12

A gentleman asked a lady known to be utterly
IGNORANT of languages, as How did you get along
when abroad to make Yourself understood :"
/" Oh, my dear SIR replied she, with quite a
French air, tw had an inte'ruPfer with US.
The same lady, having arranged some statues IN
an adjoining room, requested the same gentleman
to step into the next impairment and see her
antics"
laughable thing took place at a revival meet
ing somewhere in Mississippi not long since. The
minister noticed a seedy-looking chap in one OF
the seats, looking as though he needed religion
or a good square meal. So he stepped up to hlm
and asked him if he was a Christian. mo,
SIR said he. 81 am editor of the Democratic
paper in this place" Then, IN the name OF
God, let us pray" replied the devoted minister
A Yankee wagered a Dutchman that he could
swallow him.. The Dutchman lay down upon a
board, and the Yankee bit bis toe severely. The
victim screamed with pain, and told him to stop.
s. Why, you tarnal FOOL said Jonathan, "ye
don't think I'm going to swallow We huH, do
ye?" The same fellow wagered another Dutch
man that he could throw him across the Chicago
river. He pitched him some ten or fifteen feet
into the water, and he swan to the shore, and
claimed the stakes. "No you DON'T" said the
Yankee, resolutely Z" do you think I'm going to
give it up SO? Ill do it, if Itry all day"
An envious Chicago paper says Bret Harte is
about to publish a new poem called "The Out
law of Cholera Gulch.'' 1t will relate how the
outlaw, a rude but benevolent man, poisoned his
benefactor and carried off his two daughters for
wives; how he smote one of those wives with a
stick until she inconsiderately died, and then ex-
pended for whisky the money she had left for a
coffin how he disposed of the other one to the
Piegans for a pumpkin-colored horse; how he
extinguished that horses eyes with a hot poker
because it got beaten in a race, and how he was
finally caught up by an angel one Saturday after
noon and translated to heaven, where he received
a crown of glory.
POPULAR FALLACIEs.-That you can receive one
dollar a day, spend two, and get rich. That the
man who can't pay for his breakfast can raise the
money to go into a circus. That to do a man
one favor, and then refuse him another, won't
make him twice as mad as if you had refused
him the first. That when a friend presents you
a hound it will cost you nothing. That next
years taxes will be lighter. That every other
man is to die but you. That if you have a good
cause in love, war or law, pitch in, you are
bound to win. That when you buy a horse, he
will be certain to turn out as represented. That
if you always say what you think you will win
the regard of the entire community. AKA
The secret correspondence between the Tuiler-
les and the Emperor Napoleon during the cam
paign of 1870 has been translated, and is pub
Iished in the New York Herald. 1t is extremely
Illuminating 10 the late leaders OF the empire, III
the light of the events OF the past year, and,
being read in France, will go far toward destroy
ing the claims of those ambitious people to future
recognition. :" Orders cross and contradict each
other,'' says the Herald. 1.-The empress regent
and her advisers and the emperor and his staff at
Metz were at variance in almost everything ex-
cept in the resolve to repair the disasters. The
plan of campaign, if there was such a thing, was
made subseryient to the latest caprice of thesem-
press and her advisers. The instructed energy
Of the empress and the impotence Of the emperor
shine out plainly from these dispatches. The
first dispatch-that of the prince imperial to his
mammals strongly suggestive of opera boufe.
To this princlet the war was only a continuation
of the reviews in the Champ de Mars, and the
soldiers are enchanted, he says. For his special
military education is organized the little affair at
Saarbruck, and the dispatch announcing this feat
of arms is communicated to the press; but not
in full, for the original outdoes in folly the version
which had been communicated He took it SO
eoolly that he seemed to be promenading in the
Bots de Boulogne.' The silly dispatches of the
emperor regarding the prince imperial, in the
early days OF the war, are recalled by this state
ment.' UrIf3lk s- =