The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-05-09
A Good Joke.

had an aunt coming to visit me for
the first time since my marriage, and |
don't know what evil genius prompted
the wickedness which l perpetrated to-
ward my wise and ancient relation
"My DEAR" said to my wife on the
day before my aunt's arrival, "you know
Aunt Mary is coming tomorrow; well, |
forgot to mention rather annoying cir
cumstance with regard to her She is
very deaf; and although she can hear my
voice, to which she is accustomed, in its
ordinary tones, yet you will be obliged to
speak extremely loud in order to be heard.
1t will be rather inconvenient, but !
know you will do everything in your
power to make her stay agreeable.
Mrs. - announced her determina-
ton to make herself heard if in her
power
| then went to John N, who loves
joke about as well as any person know
of, and told him to be at the house at 6
p. m, the following evening, aud felt
comparatively happy.
/ went to the railroad depot with a
carriage next night and when was on
my way home with my aunt, said:
Aunt, there is one rather annoy
ing infrmity that Annie, (my wife) has,
which | forgot to mention before. She
is very deaf, and although she can hear
my voice, to which she is accustomed, in
its ordinary tones, yet you will be obliged
to speak extremely loud in order to be
heard, am very sorry for it."
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her
heart, protested that she rather liked to
speak loud, aud to do so would afford her
great pleasure.
The carriage drove UPON the steps
was my wife-in the window was John
N, with his face as solemn as if he
had buried his relatives that afternoon.
81 am delighted to see you" shrieked
my wife-and the policeman on the op-
posite sidewalk started, and my aunt
nearly fell down the steps.
Kiss me, my dear, bawled my aunt,
and the windows shook as with the fever
and aguc. l looked at the window, John
had disappeared. Human nature could
endure it no longer. poked my head
into the carriage and went into strong
convulsions.
When l entered the parlor, my wife
was helping Aunt Mary to take off her
hat and cap; and there sat John with his
face buried in his handkerchief
Suddenly" Did you have pleasant
Journey ?" went off my wife like pistol
and John nearly jumped to his feet.
Rather dusty" was the response, in
war whoop, and the conversation con-
tinued.
The neighbors for blocks around must
have heard it when was in the third
story of the building / heard every
word.
In the course Of the evening my aunt
took occasion to say to me;
How loud your wife talks J"
1 told her deaf persons talked loudly,
and that my wife, being used to it, was
not effected by the exertion, and that she
was getting along very nicely with her.
Presently my wife said softly:
"Alf, how very loud your aunt talks"
eyes" "said l, "all deaf persons do
You are getting along with her finely ;
she hears every word you say" And /
rather think she did.
Elated at their success at being under
stood, they went at it hammer and tongs,
till everything upon the mantlepiece clat-
tered again, and was seriously afraid of
a crowd collecting in front of the house.
But my end was near. My aunt being
of an investigating turn Of mind, was de-
sirous of finding out whether the exer-
ton of talking was injurious to my wife.
So =
"Doesn't talking SO loud strain your
lungs Z" said she, in an unearthly whoop,
for her voice was not so musical as it was
when she was young.
" 1t is an exertion," shrieked my wife.
"Then why do you do it?" was the
answering scream.
Because-because-you can't hear il
DON'T" squealed my wife.
"What !" said my aunt, fairly rivaling
a railroad whistle at the time.
l began to think it time to evacuate
the premises; and looking around and
seeing John gone, | stepped into the back
parlor, and there he lay fat on his back
with his feet at right angles with his body
rolling from side to side, with his fist
poked into his ribs, and most agonizng
expression of countenance, but not ut.
tering sound. l Immediately and in.
voluntarily assumed similar attitude
and | think from the relative position
of feet and heads, and our attempts tc
restrain our laughter, apoplexy must in