Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-02-10

| thus: Tomorrow the public viii bel
shaved gratuitously." Of course it, is al
ways tomorrow.
A cheerful organist started up the res
tive air, Come We disconsoate," at Il
wedding in an indianapolis chursh the
other day. -s
A lady in Fon du Lac, Wis, slipped on
the ice and broke her leg, and the first
remark she made after the accident was,
II wonder if Harry will marry me now!"
A correspondent of Zion's Adcocate ex-
presses the opinion that the innnmerable
water courses and lakes ofMaine Indicate
that God designed that State for the Bap-
lists! sti-J
The Augusta journal publishes list
of about forty veteran stage drivers still
living in Maine. The oldest is eighty
one years old. Many of them are now
connected with railroads or expresses.
Some sinner stole the thermometer
from the Fond du Lac Reporter Office.
That paper informs the thief that it will
be of no use to him where he is going, as
it does not work higher than 3l3 degrees.
a stranger in Belfast, Me, spent much
time the other day in looking for his lost
pocketbook, and is the twilight hour
folnd it in his coat tail pocket He had
followed too literally st. Paul's advice in
forgetting those things which are be-
hind"
\ sublime obituary: Another stalwart
tree fell last evening, in its autumn prime
in the person of w Cullen, as unique
| and remarkable a character in his way
as was ever wrought out from the rug
ged latitudinaranism of the frontier"
Aristocratic collector of articles of ver-
tn to unsophistocated, though wealthy,
parvenu-Mrs. Higgins, this is remark
ably fine bust of Marcus Aurelus. Mrs.
Els that the present Marquis, my
lord, or is father:'
"Mr. Smith" said lawyer to his land
lord, 'if a man were to give you five
hundred dollars to keep for him, and he
died, what would you do? would you
pray for him." NO SIR replied Mr..
Smith, I'D pray for another like him"
Some people will keep up appearances,
as, for example, Tompkins who is in tie
habit of getting Il beef's pluck at the
butchers, and sticking a pair of turkey
legs through the side of his basket for
show on his way home.
\ man, stopping his paper, wrote to
the editor: Il think folks ottent to spend
ther mummy for payper, mi dadda diddent
and everybody sed he was the intelligent
est man in the country and had the smart
est family of boz that ever duggcd Ia
ters'
passing in his checks" used to be
short, general mode of expression per
haps delicate one, Of saying that Mr.
So-and SO was dead; but a gentleman Of
the Fifteenth Ward gives his friends
obituaries in the single word-"quit" If
they die, he says they have quit, and so
they have.
Some Cincinnati ladies thought to in
crease their beauty, when wearing low
neckcd dresses by painting blue veins on
the exposed skin, but were disgusted at
the remark of a physician, who looked at
them too closely, that they hadn't got
those veins painted within four inches of
where they should he naturally.
At one Of his lectures, George Francis
| Train shouted, Now, then, anybody can
ask me questions.' And IA crazy Nancy
got up and said: Mr. Train. would like
| to know what makes pot leg always
burn in two in the mid,ilc.' The great
American traveller was nonrlussed. He
was not familiar with the phenomenon.
"Now gentlemen" said Sheridan to his
guests, as the ladies left the room, ''let US
understand each other. Are we to drink
like men or bcasts." Somewhat indi.--
nant, the guests exclaimed, Like men,
of course Then he replied. I'VE are
going to get jolly drunk, for beasts never
drink more than they want
A church member once said to minis
ter who wanted IA little more salary. as
his family increased Il did not know
that you preached for money" NO,
don't" said the minister II thought you
preached for souls" So l do. But
! couldn't live on souls; and if | could. il
would take a good many the size IF yours
| to make a meal
| A Quaker lately popped the question
to a fair young QuakercsS as follows:
"IIum-lea and verify Penelope, the
| spirit urgcth and moveth me wonderfully
| to hcseech thee to ceave unto my flesh
of my flesh and bone otmy bone Hum
| truly. Obadiah, thou hast wisely said:
inasmuch as it is written that il is not
good for man to he alone, To- | will ST.
journ with thee.
A hotel at Eilenvi!!e, y. Y has, as one
of it's features, drunk room When
a transient customer becomes so much
intoxicated that he is unable to take care.
of himself, he is put into this room and
kept there until he is able to navigate
This is certainly a round in the ladder of
progress How long will it be before
every "hotcl'' with Il bar in it has its snug,
and cosy drunk room?"
The testimony Of 4 daughter Of the
parties to recent Indiana divorce suit
seems conclusive: Father got mad he
cause mother starched his stockings
Mother picked up the stockings and hit
father on the head with them, and it
sounded rs though they We're sticks of
wood Father then stuffed a hot wheat
cake down mothers throat, and then
mother set the dog on father, and twisted
the dogs tail to make him bite harder"
An African EcntieliEtn SIN over gro
Gerry store inscribed, Sugar cured hams
lie entered the place and asked the price.
He solicited and obtained permission IL
smell shank Having done this be alb
ruptly turned to leave. Don't you want
any of that ham," asked the grocer.
"Well, no, boss was the reply. Der
sign reads, sugar cured ham, Dat ar
ham is sick yet. My advice TO you is TO
change the medicine"
On the day before Christmas the Har-
risonburg (Va.) Enterprise had long ar
ticle on fires, urging the authorities To
procure an engine. The article began
thus: There has not been fire but there
is going to be one. and rs an cnterprising
journal it is our duty to-farnish it to the
public as much in advance as possible" "
The following morning fire consumed
the Enterprise office and seventeen other
buildings.
Nature covers the wreck Of battle fiel,s
with kindly hands. \ correspondent says
that in passing over the battle fields of
the Wilderness and around Petersburg,
he saw delicate grass AID sllrubbcry
growing out Of the empty ammunition box
es, fine rose bush thrusting up its grace
ful form through the head of a Union
drum, and curling verGena pccping out
of Il fragment of a hursted shell. in which
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