davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Placer herald., 1871-10-07
Local and County Matters.
RELIGIOUS NOTICES.

Social BALL.-By an advertisement in another
solumn it will be seen that the Trustees Of Rat
tlesnake Bar District assisted by the parents OF
The children, will give social dance on Thurs
day evening next for the benefit Of the Public
School at that place. The people of the district
have been unusually unfortunate. having had
two school houses burned down, and now find
themselves short Of funds to maintain school.
They now offer the public chance to enjoy
themselves, and at the same time aid this worthy
object It is to be hoped ouf people, and espe-
cially the young and dancing portion, will turn
out in force and give our friends cf Rattlesnake
q rousing benefit.
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1871-11-25
THE DOCTOR AND THE DRESS
MAKER.
by BELfix FRENCH.

The Doctor came first to our vi lfugd
He was tall, dark sour looking iudi-
vidual, a fttie on the Shady side of forty.
lie called liniseif Il Hidower, and Was
rather handsome too, but For all that the
girls failed to set their caps for him, as
is generally the case where single gen
tlemen take up skeir abode in our place.
don't thiaa that he got many Fa
ticnts at FIRST, for all he had sign with
A. ~. Rose, NJ. d., in gildcd letters.
above the dnur of his Office.
Tie had not been in our vili,gc molc
than Il month when Mrs. Wigyins, The
drcssnaker, arrived aud fitted up shop
just opposite the doctors Office.
The drcsshni.sdr Mas also tall and dark
but unlike the Doctor, she had II peaked
nose and sharp black eyes.
They were strange pair, for though
they never spoke to each other and
neither owned to having made the uthc, )
acquaintance, they took care to throw
themselves in each others way, anl b
their actions to show their contempt for
each Other.
If the doctor chanccd to be passing the
dressmaker's shop clam would 80 til. door
in his faceS snI if the dre.sm,ker
saw the worthy NJ d., she would turn
rs though disgusted beyond measure.
People soon saw the too were trying to
annoy each other, aud some OF the mis-.
chievously irclined resolved to help
them.
One mofhing we wora all astorished ut
seeing fhe doctor aud dressmaser had
exchanged signs This made considera-
TO know anything about the matter, aud
of course no one took the trouble To in
form either. oIJGtg
Now it happened on that day thot
couple OF strangers cane into our vii
lagc from tie country. Eley had been
.s,a...v,. D,.s a -" Wocks. anu thc iuui
husband, as seer rs he came to town
purchased nice dress for his bride.
i think, Charles she said that |
will have it cut by Il ssnukcr before
going home, for l might not get the
chance again for IL monAh.
Very we'll my love- returned the
husband. There is one just ahead Of us;
you can stop in There
And ther2ts e{dqe'or's sign on the
other side, Charles. While | am get
ting my dress cut you can drop in at the
doctors, aud get tlSut medicine for MIR.
Croft S41liids
so l can, Julia, for am glad that
you romindeLlnc of it, or should have
forgotten it.
And the two parted, one going into
ttio doctors office with her dress, and
the other into the drcs makers shop to
procure some medicine.
Hem ] coughed- the latter, bowiug
before Mrs. Wiggns is your husband
at Home, madam q
And pray WHO told you had hus
band, sir ! was asked iii return
Hem mistake--your brother, l
mean,' apologizcd the young man.
My brother? | have no brother
We'll, it is tho doctor | wish to see,
madam
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1871-11-25
NUMBER 4lsqT asi
How the Dutchman Killed the
Wo0dchuck. s q

Veil, den, tells you NIT de time IL
coed huntih NIT mine brodder Shake;
ven We wash boys not SO higgerish we,
ish now Shake he wash smaller ash
bin, unit wash bigger ash Shake. We.
wash dwin boys, but dere wash about tive
OF dree yesrs bigger ash FUN anudder
ush. Veil den, Won day dakes brodder
Shake unit two uddcr togs. unit / dels
dem we go huntin NIT de wood !
chuck urt some oder dings, We go to
ole barn past, mt te packside of te.
field behint us, unit pooty soon We kit
de voots in te mittle Of US; ten 1 vistles
to Shake unit te udder two togs, unit by
and by Something's schart te togs, unit
they room shuss go pig fssht ash dsy
neffer vas room before. Shake he room
pooty fasht, unit l room, for dinks
someding wash schart init te togs. Pooty
soon the togs wash stop nit roonin, nns
wash maxim dere hets in de log NIT 8
pig hole in it, ven comes up. Shake,
he says, 'Probdcr Hans, ter ish a wood
shuck in te log NIT te hole Den 7
tells Shake, you shust watch nit Won
hole, unit tc togs te udder hole, den 1
will make vun udder hole, NIT mine Ak,
in te mistle of tie log, unit ten, ven see
him, / will schlock him un te koop, unit
schmitc his he'd off nit de AK So
Shake, he says, i will stop de hole NIT
mine foot, so he will not mooch kit out
nit dis hole Den 1 day dakes nine
AK, unit hole make in to log. .Pooty
soon l kits a hole, unit / dinks see 10
woodchuchs, unit L dells brodder Shake
to still be, unit I shopped ? little more,
/ unit den seas de dings het, so { makes
tnax come down NIT all my might
dinks i will made his het off unit nine
I.Gotti vat you dinki Prodder ShaRs,5'
ne lnaIsss yun piis nose mt he gotn-
s,Aslss 8 San IA sials
unit English, al togedaaler, unt lo sisys,
'Brodder Hans, dash is not te wood
shuck; you ish Won tam fool, you hash
schmite mine foot off, Oh mine Gott
| ish kill!' Veil, l wash schart mooch
[ dinks had kilt brodfer Shake, unit
/ CRIED leetle, unit l schreweared q
leetlc, unit ten looked in tie hole, unit
tere wash plesh of brodder Shakes
boot, unit two or dree toes, all bloody
laying in tc log, but dere tash no wood.
shuck or any udder dings in tie log
Shake, he groancd SO big lout, dat ]
dake his foot unit dies mine shirt up NIT
is. Shake, he make him up on my
back, unit l CARRIED him to te house
Py unit by his foot git well, but no moro
toes crowned out it, unit he say, 'Prodde,
Hans, l will no more so Woodstock mil
you;' unit he neaer did.
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1871-11-25

An EMBARRASSING PoS1rIoN.-I
say, conductor. do you know that good
looking lady there, with a book 2?
Yes, | have seen her few tims :"
by Jovc, she's splendid =
Yes, l think she is. Would you
like to occupy the scat with hcr!'
Il don't know bu. it would be out of
order.
1T would no; if she was willing to
nave you occupy it. Or course you
claim to be gentleman.
90, certainly. If you are acquainted
with her give me an introduction; that
is, ifyou have no objection
Certainly not
Fixing his l.air, mustache and whis--
kers in becoming style, he followed the
conductor, who, on reaching the seat
where the laly sat, SAID, with peculiar
twinkle in his eye:
My wife, .M--, Of New YORK,
whoassures me TIA. lie will die before
reaching Detroit, if he docs not form
your acquaintance
The gentleman stammcrod, suffered,
grew red il the face, ialtercI out some
excuse, aud returned to his seat, leaving
the lady in company with her husband,
to enjoy the joke.
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1871-11-25

How many men always become four
handed?-By doubling their fists.
a lobster never comes ashore without
great risk of getting into hot water.
When is a clock on the stairs danger
Gus? When it runs down.
\ man courting young woman was
interrosatcd as his occupation. Il am a
paper-hanger on large scale, he replied
lie married the girl, and turncd out to
be bill.stickcr
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1871-11-25
'Tho doctor, sir Do you mean to in

why, no. L saw the sign, and
'You must be drunk 7 she exclaimed:
Indignantly; mine is dressmaker's
sign
Il beg your pardon, madam but let me
request you to read for yourself, and you
will find that -
AS if don't know what is on my own
sign !? she interrupted, rising hastily aud
going to the door.
'Thc wretch 7 she cried, as her eyes
rested on the Doctors name. TO think
that he dared do such thing I'll tear
Ais eyes out
While this Interesting scene was being
enacted at the dressmukers, another no
less SO was transpiring at the Doctors
When julia left her husband, she
trippcd up stairs and Knocked lightly at
the door of the doctors Office.
The worthy Nj. ID. answered the sum.
mons in person.
Surprising him to be the husband of
the drcssmaker, she made known her
business at once, by saying, Il came, sir,
to have dress cut
"a dress cut he repeated in astonish-
i don't cut dresses
'Ah sir, | beg pardon, I thought that
Mrs Virgins resided here
Mrs. Virgins! No, indeed, ma cim-
that amiable person holds forth on the
other side of the street. TboIgh if you
don't want Sonr dress spoiled you better
keep away from her
Doesn't she have any sign asked the
little lady wondeFingly,
why yes, don't you sec it?'
The doctor popped ont his head, but
instead Of reading Mrs. Virgins, he read
A. NJ. Rose, II. y
Thunder and lightning ? he szclaim
ed, "she has been stealing my sign ?
And you. have been stealing hers
judging from the name at the door, ~.
turncy Julia.
Down went the doctor in' Ncat of
passion, and giving one gloce a; the
dressmakers sign. he tore il from its
iasten'n9s, aud bearing it in his hands
made his way across the street, ut the
very mcmcnt that Mrs. Virgins made
tie discover OF his SIN hanging at her
door.
How laro you, madam --hc cried.
'ho% dare yon play such trick on
;ac?' throwing the bit of painted tin
a: her feet
How dare you play such a trick on
me she exclaimed in turn, grasping the
sign which hung at Ii T. duor, and cast
ire 1t at him with all her might.
f. i, madam; wouldn't pick up your
sign in the street, so don't imagine that
| would pui it at my door
And | would as quick touch snake
as anything bearing your name y
a weak subtcrlu-c madam
a weal, subterlugc, sir
III yon put your sign at my door
again | shall thyow it into the street.
ma,ltn
you put your sign NJ my door
again will put it into the fire sir
Aud you need not mind gaping at
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1871-11-25
Billings Alminax for 1872.

Tho spelling of the Alminax is bad.
In our interview at Saratoga Josh at
tributes his passion for bad spelling to
spells during infancy and poor memory
in old age. (J. B. is one hundred and
fifty years old) His spells grow worse.
Yesterday we went up to Tommy
Nast's studio, on One Hundred and
Twenty street, and all three of us
picked out the following as Mr. BIS
most brilliant scintilations of genius.
They are solid chunks of wisdom:
CHUNKS OF WISDOM.
Prudes are coquets gone tew seed.
Revenge sumtimes sleeps, but vanity
alwus keeps one Iopen.
1t IL just az natural two be born poor
az to be born naked, and it il no more
disgrace.
The only human being on the face ov
this earth that real envy liz laffiug
Christian.
y man whom yu kan hire tcw work
on Il farm for nothing, and board himself,
will just earn about his wages.
Thare iz two kind ov men that don't
karc to meet when i am in crate hurry,
men that i owe, AMI men that want to
owe me.
| kant sec what woman wants emmy
more Rights for, for she beat the fust
man born into the world out ov ded
sure thing, and she kan beat the last one
with the same kards
| alwus old admire the malice ov the
mule.
If u fr4ae of fortune had made me
az misiortuuate amung men as the mule
IL amuDg animals /. would begin tew let
lsdriveiat things . mile an liatf of.
/ To learn cat to bitefeed her on
catpip tea.
10 make q gooseigood eating bring
Hos did ro6iaa at lhsir name
A. BY i3'.r cherry trees
9 Viii IL the meazlcs like fresh
mackrcY
a They run in schools aud hav tew
be caught before they can be had
Q Who was 'ic fust brewer?
y satan; lie brcwcd mischief.
q Which are two ov TIE lost arts
A Modesty and good home made
bread.
q Who waz the weakest man?
A Fred Bennett couldn't lift his note
for fifteen dollars.
Z What is the fastest trottins time on
reck ord ?
y | don't know az | kare.
Q What is the surest gait on the
road
y A tJli gate.
Q Who had tho best artikle of pash.
unce ?
y job His pashuncc was billed down
to spot.
q Who IL the champion of Etc
weights
A The Nh Jersey musketer.
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1871-11-25
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The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1871-11-25
SATURDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER rs, 1871.

gildcd letters were 50 arranged that the
passcrby read.
NIns. A. NJ. ROSE,
Drcssmakcr.
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1871-11-25

bend in the road brought her id sight Of
the bridge and also of tho doctor, who
was walking long momentarily expect
ing to greet the lady who had become
SO interested in him.
AS soon as Mrs Wigsins distinguish
ed the form of a man in the road before
her, she thought of her veil, and, taking
it from her pocket, she threw it over
her bonnet. &
As the doctor observed tho token of
recognition, he rush ID forward with ex-
tended hands exclaimed .
My dear Agnes, this meeting gives
me the greatest of plcasurcp
'Agnes.' echoed NIrsstWiggius men
tally. Surely the man nust be going
crazy. My name is noT Agnes and |
never signed myself so in the world.
However, | will not pretend TO notice
the mistake, for mistake it must be-
Then aloud, Il am sure Mr.. Blaire that
the meeting is as groas5a pleasure to
myself as TO you, and
mir. whom did you sa22' interrupted
the doctor.
why, Mr.. Blaire of csasrsc,' returned
his companion.
:! fear you are making game of me
Miss Avery ~
Ky name is not Miss, Avery
'And mine is not Mr. Barre
But you wear the blueveil, madam
And you told me to wear it, sir
Il told you to wear it !? Why you in.
formed me that YOU would wear it your
self, and dcrsired ne to pear rose, as
| have done ~ IL.
lou are mistaken, sirIst
4 tell you that you assstlic one who
is mistaken
And are you not Iii. Shire
No bat you must be l5s sery.
4 tell you | am not.
'.An nov fee5siiiko y6gr T6fce.
How could be m;s,,l,, " he, bc,r,no
the squcaking voice of Bcss N'iggias.'
And how lonlI | bo mist. -, w,.n
hearing the bear yrowl orth,t d.,..t
able nact,r Rose ?,
.I"adAm, this is Il piece OF imrulonce
ah::h viii never forgive. How dare
YOU rirc to mey
.Hyw dared YOU write to m.2 7
never would have ans,yercd N. I.,,.r !,
[ had.,nnposcJ Mr. n,,;ro md y,. - 49,.
the same?
.llow dared Won address ,,urso,r >,
me under = false name p
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1871-11-25
The Lent Half Dollar.


When Charles Gleason was about ten
years old, u bright half-dollar was given
him by his grandfather, to buy anything
he pleased for New Years present.
The boys mother that morning had
taught him the verse: clio that hath
pity on the poor lendeth to the Lord,
and that which he hath will He repay
him again, The words were running
in the boys mind, on his way to the
store to purchase a toy that he lad seen
in the window of the shop the previous
day
Just before Charlie reached the store,
he met poor woman, who had some
times done washing for his mother, and
she seemed to be in great distress.
What is the matter, Hannah 2 said
this kind hearted child.
'Oh, Master Charlie, I've. got to be
turned into the street this cold morning,
and my little Bill is 50 sick, too
Turned into the rcet--you and Bill
what for 2
because | caut raise my weekly rent.
! have just been to sec my landlord, and
he says its three days over due and he'll
not wait another day. There so the
men to put out my bed aud stove, aad
few other things on the sidewalk. Oh,
what shnl doY'
h ;IoY much is your !ent, Hannah 2
asked sae hoy with n eAokinSSsyoioe.
its half Il dollar said the aeman.
1t Will kilI,Bill TO put him out III this
cold, and sureI Wilde with him
| No, you Jn't--no, YOU shantl said
.s;se l's;ss
his pocket brought ?orth his treasured
half dollar and placed it quickly in her
hands. Seeing she hesit%tcl to keep it,
Notwithstanding her great need, Charlie
told her t was all his own to spend as
he pleased aud that he would rather
2lvc it to her than have the incest toy in
the store. Then walking away swiftly
from the Shop windows, which were all
full Of tempting New Years presents, he
went hrlvc!y homc to his mother, sure
I Of her appreciation. The first person he
! mot w. L. .,rrul r,,l lIo L,l ,,l
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1871-11-25

way related, but how they could not
decide.
All were anxious to learn something
of the two, consequently the doctor
found more patients and the dressmaker
more work in her line, than either would
have done otherwise.
But the mischicvous one who had
changed the signs had succeeded so well
in making sport, that he resolved to try
again. Accordingly, one morning, the
drressmaker received the following
note:
will lie fair Mrs Wiggins pardon
the writer of this cpstle for daring to
address her? He has seen and admired
her, and wishing to make her acquain-
tance, takes this way to introduce him
self.
IF the fair Mrs. Virgins is inclined
to look !aSorably on his suit, she will
pleusc address reply to Hers truly.
"a. p. BIAIRE'
And The same morning that the dress
maker received the above, the doctor
came in possession Of neat, perfumed
note, which Informed himssthat lady of
that village had become charmed with his
personal appearance and wished to open
correspondence with him. The note
was signed Agnes Avery
OF course both these epistlcs were
answered, and both answers fell into the
hands of the funny man who happened
to be the clerk of the post Office.
y correspondence between him and
| the two followed, which, of course was
very amusing; but he was obliged to
end it at last, for both the doctor aud
dressmnker were anxious for an inter-
view; she, with the Adolphus who had
become enamorcl by her charms, and
he with the far lady who ftlt'such an
! interest in him
correspondence h.,ti beer, carried
on about three weeks, wlseu one day
the drc>SnaSer received ii letter full of
Lore ani such nothngs, but Which cn
dcd thus
q wish vcry much to see you, dear
Mrs Wiggins, but the doctor ever the
way keeps such a sharp watch ,hat
have been fearful lest he has a prior
claim. Indeed, he has been known to
declare that he would murder the man
who would dare marry you. So you
sec, my love, we must be very careful
| will await you to-i ,ht at precisely s
O'Clock, on the road near the one mile
bridge. Come disguised, fnI fear the
doctor might b, following Wear blue
vail and ! shall know you. Good.by
until then, dearest lady
'Flom your admircr,
y p. BLAIRE.'
While Mrs Virgins was gazing smil-
ingly upon the bit of note paper which
she held before her, the doctor, ,at in
his Office, reading the following:
As You seem to be so anxious for an
interview, have resolved to grant YOU
one tonight Meet me at eight o'clock
on the road near the onc-mie bridge; |
shall come disguised, and wish yen tn
do the same, for fear that we may be
/ |
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1871-11-25
A TROUBLED AMEvpMEsr-A lady

A TROUBLED AMENDMENT.-Al lady
was reading to her servants au account
of the Chicago fire. The accident of
the burning Of the emancipation proclu-
nation, which cost the city $4,000 for
its Historical Society, arrested the atten-
tion Of one old colored woman, a slave ar
her life, who viewed the proclamation
much as the Israslites did the ark OF the
covenant.
What dat she said, burnt up?'
Yes, aunty, burned up.
Den what gwine to come of US
again
Il don't know; may be you'll be slaves
&C hof,~o'
Den dis chile gwine to die right now
And throwing UP her hands in dis
may, she left the presence of her mis-.
tress, visiting dire imprccations on tho
head of the man 'wot sot dat fire.
Freddy, a fair haired youngster Of
four summers, the other day, after being
lost in thought, broke out thus, address
ing his father:
PA, can God do anythingT
Yes, dear
Can he make two year old colt in
two minutes z
Why said the nstonish.d pareai
he would not wish to do that, Fred.
dy.'
But if he did want to, could he p in.
sisted little Freddy.
Yes, certainly, if he wished to do
So
We'll, then, he wouldn't be two years
! old, would hep
-@&zs. -sszz-s
Simple Addition.-Adding to cnasS
family.
A Crying Sin. babies to the
play.
When a mans face turns as yellow as
a guinea he is said to have rich com:
plcxinn.
The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1871-11-25

Den dis chile gwine to die right now
And throwing UP her hands in dis
may, she left the presence of her mis-.
tress, visiting dire imprccAtions on tho
head of the man 'wot sot dat fire.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-07-17

FELL DEAD.-Yesterday as the horses
belonging to the United steamer were
hauling that engine to the fire, one OF
them fell dead on John street, near
Fifth. There are several reports as to
the cause Of death. One that it burst
blood vessel, another that it stumbled
aud fell, breaking its neck. From what
We can gather from those competent to
Judge, we are Of the opinion that the
horse died from being overheated in the
long run from First street to the fire,
and the excessive heat of the day.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-07-17

PENITENTARY ARRIVALS. Sheriff
Lloyd, of Kanawha county, on Saturday
delivered to Superintendent Shallcross
Floyd Thompson and Madison Barney,
convicted at the June term of the
Circuit Court of said county, of grand
larceny. The former was sentenced to
five and the latter to two years confine-
ment in the penitentiary. The one
stole $40, and the other $40. They
are of The Fifteenth Amendment persua-
sion in the second degree, as it were,
one being copper and the other saddle
colorcd.
Dick Epps, copper colored gentle
man, convicted at the Greenbrier county
Circuit Court 1869, October term, of
grand larceny, and sentenced to two
wears confinement, was discharged yes
terday, having to his credit l03 days
good time, diminution from his SEN
tencc, he having complied strictly to
the rules and regulations Of the prison
eince he came. Dick. though con-
Wet, was favorite with the officers of
the prison. He was employed as office
boy, andlby his uniform good conduct
won their confidence and good opinion.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-07-17

TIMELY HINTs.-As the hot season is
fairly upon lis, the following directions
for the treatment Of sunstroke cases
will be found valuable:
l. Apply ice or ice-cold water to the
top Of the head, and if the burning is
felt at the base Of the skull, apply cold
water, taking great care not to wet the
back.
>. Give to drink hot Gf possible)
cayenne pepper, or ginger stirred into
water, as strong as the patient can take
it. Fluid Essence Of Jamaica ginger
is excellent for this purpose as pre-
ventive. -
3. Quickly wrap the body in blan'
ket or other warm covering, for life de-
ponds on restoring the natural circula'
ton and stimulating free perspIratlon-
4. Do not allow the suns rays to
touch the patients head for at least
twenty.four hours.