Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1871-10-11
THE DEMOCRATIC lIORGUE,
The Corpses that are not Available for
1872.

From the Indianapolis journal.
! Our Democratic contemporaries ar
still gong among political cemeterie
in search of some available candidat
Tor the Presidency. To be very deat
IS the one qualification above all others
On digging up their subject and un
screwing his coffin, the usual tests, in
Guiding salts Of ammonia, assafoedtta
burnt feathers, and the crucial Demo
cratic test, the smell of whiskey, any
knowledge of anything transporting il
this age, the party Is screwed up,
labelled, 'fTo be tried in $780," and
! Recovered.
The devotion to the departed is seen
ID some New jersey resurrectIonists.
who have exhuned George B. McC1el-
Ian. He answers well there is moth
ing lively; he preserves dignifed inertia;
and may perhaps be sufficiently fragrant
III his memories to satisfy the demands
OF his worshippers
The late John 3. Hoffman is also ex-
h1bited at the Democratic morgue. Be
side him are the shillelahs of the anti
Orange mob and keys of Tammany,
symbols of his sudden taking off. His
decease is undisputed, but the Irish
are most emphatic in their obiurations
that he is not only dead, but by this
time he also-(see Johns Gospel, chap.
XII, V. 80, and the latter clause.
Another band, with spade, mattock
and dark lantern, and musty odor,
came forward with the remains of the
late Salomon 2. Chase. They concede
that in this mans time he was an
Abolition1st, Lincoln hireling, the in
yentor Of legal tenders, the wholesale
manufacturer Of bonds to be paid in
coin, the adviser of the Emancipation
Proclamation, the advocate of the
Thirteenth Amendment, but they say
all that was when he was alive Stand
ing over his bones they triumphantly
ask: "Who has heard from his lips for
four years anything at all resembling
his ancient words Who has known
him through that time say aught to re-
mind the land of his bold, brave life
time. He IS dead as Julius Cesar" All
true, but the fear is that somehow he
might come to life again and do strange
pushing among Democratic stools.
Some ostentatiosly parade the re-
mains of Reverdy Johnson, who died
from an overdose of English roast beef
and plum pudding. He .5acet. Rev
erdy's bones are not marketable. By
costly casket, overspread with a pail of
royal velvet; stand a few kid gloved
watchers beside the remains of gentle
man George Pendleton. His is a very
genteel corpse It is we'll embalmed, !
and is not so offensive as some others. |
The liveliest corpse is Frank Blairs
1t has been galvanized so highly that
its contortions are hideous; from the
lips issue strange dis-curs-ive sounds.
His watchers are seated at table
loaded with buttered water melon, and
their a0dke-ful glee is strangely disso-
nent with the solemnity of the hour.
They pledge that never again will his /
tones thunder, as in days of yore,
against the enormities of the slave |
power, never again will be uttered !
scathiag denunciations of butternut OF
copperhead, never will his sword now
put out of sight, CLEAN again in the
fore front of the arms of freedom; but
that only an armed crusade to over
throw the last three amendments of
the Constitution can call it from it's
cabbard.
Some go to Doolittle's coffin, but /
there is only little dust, and in the |
relics no sign of a backbone is found. /