Weekly Trinity journal., 1871-03-11
NUMBER 10.
FACT AND FANCY,


play-fellow-a dramatic critic
Good rooms with board-Mushrooms.
Mutual friends-kerosene and coroners.
An exit-paying an for your wi:es bonnet.
The men of the day most popular with wo-
men-Hymen.
Southern editors discussing the question
" Is man eheminate who parts his hair in the
middle2'
negro, gazing at the Chinese, exclaimed;
I" If de white folks is as dark out dere, wonder
what's de color OBJ de niggers."
western editor says that in smoky Pitts
burgh, men kiss each others wives, and are
able to tell which is their own only by the taste.
What should q man carry with him when call
ing upon his afhanced2 Affection in his heart,
perfection in his manners and confection in his
pockets.
A smart boy, after eating a green apple said
Oh, dear, I've eaten Odd Fellow p "An
Odd Fellow ?" said his mother. ayes, he's Civ
ing me the grip"
A Kentucky boy explained the workings of
his fathers revolver to a little friend, last week,
with fatal cleamess. He got it through his
head in an instant.
Yankee doctor has tried to extract from
sausages powerful tonic, which, he says, con-
tains the whole strength of the bark. He calls
it Z" "sulphate of canine"
sentimental chap intends to petition Con-
gress for power to improve the channels of af-
lection, so that henceforth the course of true
love may run smooth.
| True tears make men beautiful. True sor-
rows are, after all, but the seeds out of which
| come fairer joys. Sorrow is only the laoor-pain
when joy is coming into BIRTH
proud and loving Missouri father, In setting
forth the accomplishments of his daughter, said
she could everiastingly bang ivory and bawl,
and could paw washboard like mule"
Josh Billings says: "The mewl is a larger
bird than the guse or turkey. 1t has two legs
to walk WITH and two more to kick with, and it
wares its wings on the side of its head"
boy in Illinois, few weeks ago. laid q
| train of gunpowder through the kitchen and
then fired IL, "just to scare ma" He hasn't
been able to sit down with comfort since.
There is a Servian prince in the Prussian
army whose name is so long that company of
engineers have been ordered to level down the
consonants and use it as pontoon bridge.
darkey left in charge of n telegraph office
while the operator went to dinner, heard some
one "call" over the wires, and began shout
ing, the operator sn'tyer," The noise ceased.
girl at Springfield, Ohio, who danced with
her corsets pulled up to the last hole, was the
next day put in hearse that was pulled up to
the last hole that had been dug in the grave
yard.
fellow in an oblivious state took up his
| lodgings in the street. He woke next morning
and, Strengthening himself up, looked on which
he had made his couch, and said "Well, if
had pickaxe would make up my bed.'
certain little damsel, having been agrava-
ted beyond endurance by her brother, pumped
down on her knees and cried "Oh, Lord
bless my brother Tom. He lies, he steals, he
swears all boys do; us girls don't. Amen"
1t is not work that kills men it is worry.
Work is healthy, you can barely put more upon
| a man than he can bear Worry Is rust upon
the blade. 1t is not the revolution that destroys
the machinery, the friction. Fear secretes acids
but love and truth are sweet juices.
An ignorant fellow, desirous of " showing
off" in n company where the conversation was
of a classical character, speaking of Leander
crossing the the Heespont for an interview
with Hero, designated the feat as "Leander
swimming across tha herrngpond to see Nero"
Every city likes to excel its neighbor in some
thing, and Leavenworth puts in its claim as fol-
lows We can turn out a larger number Of
people to a smaller fire, and they'll leave bet
ter dinner and run faster, and surround the con-
| hagrNion quicker, stay there longer and 20
home wetter, than any other town 10 America"
| The Figure says thus: "When young girl
thinks good deal of spruce young man. and
pines for his company, isn't she in the lumber
business pretty heavy2 Certainly IL she boards
in the same family, and shingles her hair and 10
able to plank down few thousand of bank
stocks and does not disturb the sleepers by keep
ing late hours"
The Litchfeld Monitor is responsible for the
following Last Sunday night a little boy
whose mother had promised him present, was
saying his prayers preparatory to going to bed,
but his mind running on a little horte, he began
as follows " Our Father, who artsln Heaven
ma, won't you give me a horse-1hy kingdom
come-with string on 1t"
| A chicken-hearted man, named hrl II. WAL
! lon, lately committed suicide in Woodland GEM
etery, near Boston. He left the world an ex-
planatory note declaring that the garden he
had laid out had been devastated by the chick
ems of his son, he had become tired of life, and
was going to meet his beloved wife where the
chickens cease from troubling
clerk in the employ of the East India Com
pany recently penned the following lines to his
official superior: +" Honored sir | humbly beg
you will excuse my not attending Office this
date, cause got boil as per rhrgin." In the
margin of the letter sketcl bf the boil was
drawn out, and the writer wei Bn to say "Tbe
breadth of the paper being short, have planned
the boil small, but it is double the size."
| The most beautiful girl in the United States
| lives near Lincoln, Illinois. Her hair is of that
peculiar hue that field of ripe wheat throws
towards the setting sun. Her eyes send forth g
light so effulgent and magnetic that strangers
become spellbound under its influence and stand
rudely gazing. Her cheeks bear bloom like
the sunny side of an early peach. A pearl
would seem almost black beside her teeth. Her
form is so graceful that men worship her before
seeing her face. -
"Names things" was the trisylabc re-
mark of British statesman. Even so in Mary
land. Lawyer was a candidate for the Leg
islature. On an election tour through the north
ern portion of Hartford county, he stopped at
the house of an old farmer, who asked him what
he vas. The lawyer not knowing the farmers
politics, and wishing to be on the safe side, an
flor a r,nn,anfla ha.sitation that ha