The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1871-05-20
VARIETY.
Lorne wears No. 5 boots.


1ething about women-aounces.
Isftere a word in the English language that
q, - all the yowels? There is unquesti0nGbly
IG WAY.-An emporium philosopher says
be way to become round, is to eat square
I'D .f1g. "A lady once asked gentleman what
n q r4s like. To this he replied: IS Like your
= 3a1lp's bottle or sal VoloSslo poignant at the
0pening, but on being too much handed
taf, iE loses all its flavor, and becomes lnspid."
Mc1RcE.-A lady in London got the idea into
T. had that the devil was in her, and hung her
4f women go to hanging themselves for a
Efe hing like that, they are going to be scarce
0 ltt's all
a # ,aife who had been lecturing her husband
inning home intoxicated, became incensed at
# |hdiAerence, and exclaimed, "Oh, that
t wiring tears of anguish from your eyes"
rhich the hardened wretch hiccupped, % Tai
-tff-'taint no use, ole woman, to bo-bO-
E1 Tor water here
<rtely at a dinner table in Massachusetts a
s1;eman remarked that A, who used TO be
"a to sharp practice, was getting more cir
nspect Yes replied Judge Hoar, " he
Is reached the superlative of life He began by
ling to get on, then he sought to get honor,
~ nOw he is trying to get honest"
Al Arkansas editor apologies for the Z" thin
@<F Of a late issue, by saying that all his time
BEEN occupied in answering challenges and
L-s1g 1ging for the duels and funerals, a number
rE soch matters having accumulated on his hands
Hrnry Ward Beecher says: - Lit is not true
that bad men are always unhappy; indeed, from
ztair peculiar organization they are frequently
Letssr calculated to enjoy themselves than some
II he most virtuous in the community. Reli-
ron has produced more misery than JOY In the
+orId. If considered from a mere dOctrinal point
cf Eiew.'
L An Irishman engaged in driving donkey, was
e,e day at a loss for the wherewithal to pay the
@II A happy thought struck him. As he
-sshed the bar he unyoked the donkey and
aAferred him to the cart-dragging the cart
ti<AeIf containing the donkey. The keeper of
& sf bar aceosted him, demanding the toll:
r I'll - says Pat. IS Be jabers, ak the driver.
.hek (who has been reading passages from the
p Descent Of Man " to the wife whom he adcres,
<1r loves to tease)@' So you see, Mary, baby Is
|.slkended from hairy quadruPed, with pointed
BARS and a tail. We all are
Mary" Speak for yourself, Jack! I'm not
|terended from anything OF the kind, beg To
.s@7. and baby takes after me. So, there .
slch.
Here Is the most dog-goned afectionate sample
~ amatOry poetry that we have ever seen:
When old Carlo n 5allyis chair,
M Oh don't wish that we're there
When her fairy fingers pat his head.
Oh don't I wish twas instead!
. Oh don't wish my neck Was his'n!
When sally kisses Carlos nose,
On don'T wish that were those
Forsyth, Ca, can claim the champion beat.
hiding himself badly off for his regular invigo-
TOR, he put gallon of water in a two gallon
Hmijohn, and presenting himself at the grocery
liked for gallon Of whiskey. 1t was duly en-
bsed in the demijohn, but Of course there was
b trust and the liquor had to be returned. A
"lllon was poured out and the beat went on his
tay rejoicing In the possession of gallon of
bod grog- lie turned up drunk an hour after.
EXCEPTIONS Mothers-in-law are usually the
inject of derision to Punch; but the old cyuic
makes the following exceptions
Happy the who, when he takes q bride
Espo1ses her alone, and none beside
And doth not ind, as many husbands do,
W That had married her relations
Let him needs must we'd select wife
| Whose parents, both, departed, have this life
t| Her sole regard that he may comprehend.
And prove the else friendless orphans only friend
What mortal yet the husband
Blest In the mother be acquired by Iazl
M Exceptions 70 all rules in time are bora
~ Long live thy mothsr-in-law, Lord Of Lorn-
A Kentucky Congressman went out riding
With his sweetheart, and, in his own words
q We were nearing small skirt OF woods, the
horses at their best speed. / had determined il
ny own mind that when we reached particular
spot, would pop the question, and so l did
Z but, would you believe me? she said Jus
$s the word escaped her lips purposely ran tn
+ sleigh over stump Out we went, she to coo
her person in the snow, and to counteract th
Manage she had given my affections. Her frs
words after getting back in the sleigh were
( b Excuse me, sir, wished to tell you to motto
. the stump We often refer to the sleigh-ride
but to this day she believes it was an accident
We live near the Indiana line-a divorce is no
wanted %