The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1871-09-22
The ROoster-Pecked Wife.

The following article contains las we
humbly think some errors in National
History. Whoever saw hen scratch
ing up worms for cock? But we
strongly suspect there is concealed under
the rural picture an attack upon some of
the oldest institutions OF society. Do
you ask, Oh, cOnceited critic! what this /
seeming contradiction means, and why |
we should print what We so much /
suspect and disapprove We answer in |
the words of OfShakespeare-mOdernized-l
''There are more things I'm heaven and earth, /
old bachelor,
Than are dreamt Off your philosophy.
SCENE FIRST.
Mrs. Biddy Chanticleer scratches for
her breakfast. o. Chanticleer, Esd, /
from the top rail of the barn fence, be-
comes cOgniZant of the fact, and struts
with dignity towards his little spouse.
Biddy-"GOOd morning, my dear"
o. c. Esq.-"Morning, madam; quite
enjoying yourself, madam; of course you
are not aware of the fact that / have
been up for more than an hour, and have
not yet eaten mOuthful? Is this what
/ married you for, madam? lGives her
pointed salute on the anele. Where
are your domestic qualities, madam ?
TImprints n mark of affection on the top
of her head.l Where was your smile of
affection when you saw me getting off
the fence? I watched you, madam
Where was your tender female solicitude
when you beheld me looking weakly for
: the want of II little nourishment ?
Where, repeat, is my breakfast? Cock
a-doOdle dor'
Biddy (meeklyl. "Havc worm"
SCENE SECOND.
Mrs. Biddy Chanticleer lays her first
egg, and has invited two or three female
friends to help cackle 70. c. Esq, being
absent.
Mrs. Biddy. ''Cut, cut, cut-a-a-a! cut,
cut, cut-a-a-a cut ?'
MrI, Partlett. "Qua, qua, qua, cut-a-a-
a cut ~
Mrs. Penfeather. 'Cluck, eluck, qua,
qua cut, cut, cut, a-a-a cutp' Is inter-
rupted by the sudden appearance of o. G.
ESD, who has just returned from stag
party
. O.C. Esq. "COck-a-doodle-do. Now,
may patience be VOuchsafed to me to ask
of you, madam, what docs all this mean?
= Here am | returning, carewOrn and eX-
, hauSted, from the eXcitements and
temptations of "A delusive world, expect
ing 10 find repOse and peace in the quiet
Of domestic nest, instead of which ! dis
r cover YOU in the midst of riot and dissi-
: patton. Madam, insult not my penetIa-
I ton 10y denying it-l affirm that you are
\ having party :"
Mrs Biddy lapprehensively). "NOt at
e all, my dear; that is, ut least, my friends
were just going by, and stopped in quite
+ accidentally, and so-for you see, my
dear, rve laid an eggi cut, cut, cut, a-a-
a-c-that is, at least-yes, sir, we've laid
: an egg ~
Three female neighbors, simultane-
Ously.
Cut, cut, cut, cut-a-a-a-cut ~
o. G.. Esq, (majesticallyl. ''Peace,
hens. Madam, what does all this cack-
. ling folly mean ?''
IExeunt hens, in Indignation.
O. c. Esq. ''It has become necessary,
at this stage of our matrimonial career,
that | should state, in mild but unmis-
taxable terms, my opinions regarding
the appropriate sphere and duties of
henhOOd
: ''First. self-devotiOn. 1t has been the
! decision of all rOOster-kind, for ages, and
therefore cannot be denied, that the
crowning virtue of the hen character is
disinterestedness A true hen should be
: patient, self-fOrgetful, obedient, tenderly
! SolicitOus for her husbands little wants,
: delighting wholly and solely in the
graceful and pleasant duties that cluster
: round the domestic nest. On the con-
trary, find you thinking only how to
: crafty your own selfish tastes and de
!, sires, instead of displaying (as might
= naturally be expected some little sense
of loneliness and melancholy at your
husbands absence. | return from visit
}, of nearly twelve hours, and find you
7 literally rejoicing Madam, | ask il OF
I you, is this true henhOod?
''SecOnd. A retiring disposition, a
4 delicate shrinking from contact with the
= coarse and unsympathiZing world, an
:. exclusive indifference to all without the
sacred circle of the domestic nest. On
the contrary find you gadding among
:, the other hens of the yard, making APP
5 pointments, sending invitations. Again,
: | ask of YOU madam, is this true henhOOd?
Third. Freedom from curiosity; a
true hen never evinces the slightest in
. terest in the affairs of her neighbOrs,
: scarcely in her own; she never inquiries
: concerning the whereabouts or actions OF
1 her husband, being perfectly assured
: that, wherever he may be, and however
appearances at the time may seem to
tell against him, he is ever acting with
! a view to the welfare of the domestic
!, nest. On the contrary, what do find
: to he the truth in regard to yourself
: Not a rooster raises his voice within
y half mile of the yard but you are able
, to name him; not hen lays an egg, but
. you begin to cackle."
i Mrs. Biddy, (meekly). "Fre laid an
. egg cut, cut, cut, cut-a-a-a. No,
: mean-yes, sir, we've laid an egg"
O. G. Esq, with solemn animation)
l "YOU'ro laid an egg? And pray where
, is the thing?" Walks briskly To the
: nest and takes microscopic view of the
! object.
: Biddy. "Cut, eut-I mean, will it do,
, Sir:r
: o. c. Esq. "Humph-well, yes; very
: fair, considering; though, now l look
more closely, ! perceive it is not pre-
! cisely sharped; too short, madam quite
: too short, not well finished off, by any
> means. And what do you mean, mad
am, by having the thing so much larger
at one end than the other? Where
ask is your idea of symmetry? ZOunds,
madam, if this is the best you can do in
: that department, l shall lay the next
, myselfw
Mrs. Biddy, with her claw in her eye)
''Please, l couldn't help it. / didn't
mean TO-"
, o. G. ESD, (molliiied). "Well, well,
don't fret your giZZard You're no
! chicken, madam, to be so sensitive about
trifle; only remember my advice in
! future, and recOllect that the crowning
. virtue of henhood is disinterestedness. i"
I Mrs. Biddy, (meekly). ''Have a worm,
dear?r
o. c. Esq, (sOlemnlyl. 81 will"
> SCENE THIRD