Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1871-02-10
EEEEE.u.TSO.VEEr EXPOSED,
ny A VICTIM.

| ana mysterious organization. ! have be-
longcd to many secret societies in my time;
l have been an Orangoman, and a Son OF
| temperance, and n Fcnian, and, if / re-
member Alright, | once belonged 10 a band
of coiners; but this Masonic arrangement
this institution of the compass and square
distances them all. had wondered what
sort Of thing Mason was-in what re.
spect he differed from an ordinary human
being. Time and again l have pumped
persons who 1 thought knew what was
what, with view of finding out something
regarding these queer men, but it was nc
go. Mum was the word, and those who
| could toll wouldn't, and those who would
couldn't; for further information 1 was told
to go and find out. 1 had a vague idea OF
my own, that Mason was a sort Of super
natural being, a regular ring tailed roarer,
with horns and hoofs to match, who could
| come down the chimney or get in the key
hole, and disappear like flash of lightning,
"a chap that could knock blazes out of a
fellow with the wink of his eye, and OF
whom the devil himself was afraid.
| There is one singular thing connected
/
not aware, and that is, Mason never dies.
| Occasionally it is given out that brother
has departed this life, and the fraternity is
respectfully summoned to do honor to his
remains; but it is all sham; big swindle
| gotten up to throw dust in the eyes of the
uninitiated. The coffin is stuffed full OF
| bricks, and deposited with solemnity in the
cemetery, while the brethren and friends
are blubbering their eyes out over the grave
of the dear departed, and the departed qui-
city enjoying himself in the back-room OF
some hotel, preparatory to leaving for parts
| unknown.
1t is fact, Mr.. Editor, Masons never die.
They may change their appearance, and
move off to other spheres, but as for dying,
they don't do it. 1t is supposed by some
that after they have transacted enough
wickedness on this earth, they are trans
formed into comets and meteors, and go
wandering through space kicking up shines
and raising the devil generally. And a
great many people suppose that the last
meteorc display was nothing more nor less
than free fight between some rival Lodges
that had crossed each others path; the diff
ferent colored lights betokening the differ
ent degrees they acquired in the flesh.
Free Masonry is of ancient date, as prov
en- by the fact that during the wet season
Noah used to hold meetings in the corner
OF the ark. He was Obliged to give it up,
however, owing to the curiosity of Mrs.
Noah, who, notwithstanding the fact that
her husband placed big pair of lions and
big crocodile at the door as outside guard.
came pretty near finding out the secret and
starting Lodge on her own hook.
l must tell you of the perils and trials
had to undergo to become Mason. On the
evening in question presented myself at
the door Of the Lodge room, No. GG,j05.
sign of the skull and crossDoncs. | was
conducted to an ante-room, where five or
six melancholy chaps in sashes and cm-
broidered napkins, were waiting to receive
me.
On my entrance, they all got up and
turned back somersaults, and then resumed
their seats. big fat fellow, who sat in the
middle, and who seemed to be the proprie-
tor then said: "Sinner from the outer
world, advanced advanced. "Will YOU
give up everything, and join us?" "Not
if know it," l said. 'There's nv wife
and fourteen tine-." Another party here
told me that it was mere matter of form.
The follows in the towels then groaned and
said, "'Tis WELL" "Do you swear never to
reveal anything you may see or hear this
evening, to any human beng-nor your
wife?' l said, "'Pon my word, l will
hnt I
felt my muscles, and made me put out my
tongue, and then groaned again. "If you
don't feel well, have got little bottle
here that" The fat man then took the
bottle from me, and told me to shut up.
lie then, in n voice of thunder, said:-
Bring forth the goat" Another fellow
then came up with a big cloth to blindfold
me- "No you don't, Mr.. Mason" said 1;
mo tricks on travellers, if you please. 1
don't believe in playing blind-man's buff
with goat. I'll ride the devil if you like,
but don't go it blind. Stand back, or I'll
knock you into smithereens." They were
too much for me, however, so had to sub
NIT, and be blindfolded. The goat was then
led in, and l could hear him making an
awful racket among the furniture. began
to feel that was urgently wanted at home,
but was in for it and could not help myself
Three or four fellows then seized me, and
with q demoniacal laugh pitched me on the
animals back, telling me at the same time
to look out for squalls. l have been in a
good many scrapes, Mr.. Editori / have
been in an election fight; I've been pitched
out of a fourth-story window; I've gone
down in railroad collision. and up in a
steamboat explosion; but this little goat
excursion was ahead of them all. The
confounded thing must be all wings and
horns. 1t bumped me against the tables
and chairs, and the stove and ceiling, but l
hung on like a Trojan. l turned front SOM
ersaults, and rolled over till thought it
was all over with me. 1 was just on the
point of giving up when the bandage fell
from my eyes, and the goat bounded thro'
the window, with a yell like Camanche
Indian giving up the ghost. l was in a
Lodge of Masons. They were dancing a
war-dance around a big skull, and playing
leap-frog, and turning hand-springs, and
the big fat fellow of the anto-room was
standing on his head in the corner, finish
ing the contents of my little bottle. Order
was soon restored, and was led up TO a
desk and told to stand ut my case. The
Chief Engineer OF the establishment then
put his thumb TO his nose and stretching
out his fingers in the shape Of a fan tow
ards me, commanded silence. Tho rest of
the brethren did likewise, and were silent.
The Governor then addressed me: Brother
Knobh, you are one Of us; you are now a
member of an institution that has lasted
over ten millions of years. From this time
forward your constitution is sound. You
are impcrvous to light or heat, orany other
atmospheric influence. You are water