The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-04-06


because they make man forget all his
other miserics
Josh Billings says "a man who
starts ON the day of his marriage as
first lieutenant III his family need never
expect To be promoted
Said pompous gent; Boy, yon
are not lar removed from o fool"
."Well, as VIC amt moren three feet
apart, | give IN to that" was the reply.
A story is told in Oregon about
a young man who proposed in Sun.
day school that "a committee of young
ladies and gentlemen be appointed to
raise children for the Sabbath school,"
my dear" asked a husband, on
observing a new striped hose on his
only heir, "why have you made bar
bers poles Of our Erncst's legst'
because he's little shaver" was the
reply
The author Of "Put me in my Lit
tie Bed joined the Connecticut Fat
Mems Association one day last week
and weighs 270 pounds. He would
lie heavy on the stomach of trundle
bed.
"A bigamists lawyer, in response
to question from the Judge as to how
many wives his client had, said: we
have thus fal counted up only thirteen,
but there are twenty-nine States to
hear from, your honor"
Pretty Teacher,-"Now, johnny
Wells, can you tell me what is meant
by a miracle ?"
Johnny.-"Yes; mother says if you
don't marry the new minister, it will
be miracle"
"A young lady, few evenings
since, sat down to Il piano, and drew
from it the most eXcruciating music.
do you know what she is playing"
asked one OF her admirers Of an elderly
maiden ut his side. "She is playing
the fool, should say" was the invid-
ious reply.
Tom, where's that tan dollar
counterfeit bill you had q while ago:'
"WelI, marstcr, never WAS quite clear
in my mind about dat bill Some days
/ thought it was a bad bill, and oder
days l thought it vas good bills and
, Oh one Of dem days when thought it
. was good bill, jes' passed EN- Off
"A rich but ignorant lady Of Bos,
toa, who was ambitious that her con.
vctsation should be up to the transcens
aon,a! style, in speaking of friend,
said: He is a paragram OF polite.
4 ness! Excuse me-" said wag sit
!. ing next to her; "but do you not
4 mean parallelogram?" ?" "Of course
g meant pa.allelogram,' replied the am
l.l,ous lady; "how could have made
such mistake =
"A good one is told upon a
~ friend "oycr in Jersey" Being alb,
! sent on short journey to Philadel
, phia, and having left his wife in q MOI.
nal condition, he was astonished by
receiving the following dispatch
u Your wife had child last night, but
|, is doing well to day. He hurried
home with various emotions, to find
c there was Il mistake. The nurse who
C signed the dispatch had written "chiI,
and the operator, kno wing that there
was letter missing from the word,
" guessed it should end with sd"
II The Knoxville Advertiser says
Il "a few Sundays ago one Of our most
It popular ministers was called upon to
!. 90 out to q house in the subj rbs of the
city to marry young couple who
: were in n hurry to be united. He went
and performed the ceremony in his
' usual handsome style. After pro.
? nouncing them man and wife, he
stepped forward to claim the old.fash
ioncd kiss from tie cherry lips Of the
maiden wife, when the anxious bride.
groom, anticipating his intentions,
/, stepped in before him, threw his arms
S for the first time { y around the
g blushng bride, and implanted the first
K. kiss { y of love upon her tempting
lips, and then stepped back, saying,
after NE, Mr.. Preacher, after me-
and the preacher took it second hand
That bridegroom will do
Behind the Veil.-The New Or
leans Picayune gives the following:
1t is not always the practice of pretty
lades to wear veil. Not even coQuet.
ry will dispense with the pleasure of
showing lovely countenance, and tue
most modest and retiring beauty likes
: to he admired for the regularity and