The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-06-27
II U N oRoUs EMS

gay~ The Cincinnati Times aud Chron-
icte says: "The lawyers must live."-
Possibly, they must but, really, we can't
see why they should.
BayH " Charley" said fond mother to
her son, you are into that jam again"
b." No." replied the little pet "you are
wrong, ma; the jam is into me-"
Bely~ AT a recent railway festival. the
following striking sentiment was given:
"Our mothers-the only faithful tenders
who never misplaced a switch
Bay A boy in Springfield, to the in.
quiry why ship is called she" quieted
his teacher with the reply, Because the
rigging costs more than the hull"
sG5r To make bording house hash take
little of everything, a good deal of moth
ing, and throw in chunk Of something;
jam to a mux, cook over a cold fire, seas
on with hair-pins, and serve up on the
jump.
BGy- a Frenchman cannot pronounce
" ship" The word is sheep" in his
mouth, Seeing an ron-clad, he said to a
boy, Ish dat war-sheep" " No" an
swered the boy, " it's a ram"
BS5" How many feet long was the
snake?" asked person Of traveller who
had just related story of his encounter
with a boa killed by him. Gone hun
dred and ninety-two inches" was the re-
ply; snakes have no feet"
Dsy~ In pool across the road in the
county of Tipperary, Ireland is struck
on pole, having affixed to it a board
with this inscription " Take notice, that
when the water is over this board, the
read is impossible"
B6J~ An old topper of poetical turn,
thus exclaims
Leaves have their time to fall,
And 50 have /;
The reason is the same
1t comes from getting dry"
Day" A handsome young bride was OBJ
served to be in deep reflection on her
wedding day. One of the bridesmaids
asked her the subject of her meditation.
" I was thinking she replied, (which of
my beaux [ should marry if I should be-
come widow"
B6y- Il Chicago editor thinks it strange
that the Indians have no phrase to ex-
press the word "honesty." Whereupon
the Detroit Free Press remarks that there
is nothing strange about it. Does he
suppose that the Indian agents would be
fooling around the past ten years and not
pocket the word
BsB" A colored man was arraigned be-
fore one of the Camden courts, short
time since, charged with the laceny of
some wood. When called on to plead
to the indictment, he said: 81 bought
de wood, and dat | knows did but to
save my soul from the gallus, cannot tell
the man I bought it of, kase | bought it
in the dark. guess III plead guilty"
B6y~ Few "last words" were more
strikingly appropriate than those of the
California stage-driver, who, on his death
bed, was visited by brother "whip."-
said he, Bill, Pm on the down grade
and can't reach the brake" 1t was a
California conductor, who said, on his
death bed, "This cuss is about to pass in
his checks for examination by the Great
Cashier"
D6E- A man out in Indiana, who heard
that the safest way to commit suicide was
to shut yourself up and burn charcoal,
was found in a ten acre lot with q charcoal
fire near him. Though he had taken the
precaution to put up the bars and stop
the crack in the fence with newspaper,
the charcoal did not act fairly by him
and he lived
sa" A city exquisite having become
agriculturally ambitious, went in search
of farm, and finding one for sale, be-
gan to bargain for it, The seller men
toned as one of its recommendations, that
it had very cold spring on it. "Aw-
aw !" said the fop, | won't take it then,
for I've heard that cold springs ruined
the crops last year, and | don't want
place with such drawback upon it.
D6y- They tell good story on the ear
ly appearance Of DIR. Bethune, in q
church then located on the outskirts of
the city of Rochester The edifce was
placed in the centre Of large square or
park, aud it being summer time, the open
doors made the green aisle carpets appear
like continuation of the grassy lawn
outside At lnnet 90 tho .nnILo. o..n..