The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1871-02-09

sensation, proposes to fight an alliga
tor, with butcher knife, for $500.
"a PRUDENT man. says witty
Frenchman, g is like a pin-his head
prevents him from going too far"
The London Athenaum sets down
the word I" magnetic as 90 fanciful,
and not commendable Americanism.
DESvEE boasts of an abundance OF
game-old sledge, faro, and sich, being
the most prevalent, we suppose.
Jack, your wife is not so pensive
as she used to be-" s'No, she has left
that off and turned expensive"
SOME Ole in Brooklyn is making a
business of stealing clocks from mer-
chants offices. Being thief of time
1t is supposed his name is Pro-Crasti-
nation.
LESSON in geography. Schoolmarm,
to little Josie; "Where is the North
Pole, Josie - "'Top of the map,
marm, replied the pupil.
q Well, Mrs. Smith, " said Mrs. Jones,
. if I'm anything, Pm a Unitarian /;
what religion are you2" amt sar-
tin what they calls it, but my old man
says he's . vegetarian"
A CoRREsro -. of Cleveland pa
per began letter recently with the
frank statement that it devolved upon
him to contradict, in some particular,
nearly every item of news contained in
his last He would make a good war
correspondent
AN old criminal, sentenced by Judge
Bedford to five years, naively remark
ed: "That Judge is a nice little fel-
low, but [ guess he's never been to jail
himself, or he wouldn't have tucked it
on so hard
THERE is said to be Justice of the
Peace in Perry county, Ind, who keeps
the business confined to the family
When he tries case the jury is mostly
composed of his brothers and sons.
The constable is a son-in-law, and all
fines are divided.
One of the miseries of life is to be
beaten in an argument, and immedi-
ately afterward to think of some express
sion that would have totally annihilat-
ed your opponent.
A COUNTRY editor, in speaking of a
steamboat, says: "She has II berths
in her ladies' cabin !" "Oh, life of
me ~ exclaimed an old lady, on read
ing the above, "what squalling there
must have been"
"SIR," said guest to his host at
dinner "this is a capital sirloin please
tell me the name of your purveyor ?''-
" Addison" was the reply. "Any re-
lation to the Spectator 2" added the
gentleman. Probably" said the
other, g have often seen steel by his
side
''CUFFEE, what do You tink de NOSE
useful oh de planets, de sun or de
moon % "Well, Sambo, I tink the
moon orter take de fust rank in dat ar
ticker" "Why You think so, Cuffee?"
" Well, l tell you; kase she shines by
night, when we want light, and de sun
shines by day, when we don't!''
THEY tell a queer story about a man
in New Haven, who lives con the hill, !"
who carried home some ice cream in a
paper the other day. He took it into
crowded car and held it up so that as
it melted gently meandering stream
of it coursed down $3.50 velvet cloak
on a lady passenger. 1t ruined the
cloak, and the man said he was sorry
A MEMBER once said to minister
who wanted little more salary as his
family increased; 81 did not know
that you preached for money" "No,
| DON'T said the minister. 81 thought
You preached for souls" $50 l do.
But [ couldn't live on souls; and if I
could, it would take good many of
the size of yours to make a meal"
BISHOP MARVIN tells story about a
steward of one of the circuits in the
West Texas Conference who paid as
quarterage 100 pounds of bacon, worth
ten cents pounds. At the quarterly
meeting, however, he brought in bill
charging 10 cents a pound, and offered
in explanation for charging five cents
more than market price that all he gave
to the church was $50 much treasure
laid up in Heaven" and he desired to
swell that account as much as possible.
THE members of the Dakota Legisla-
ture recently appeared in the streets of
YanktOn wear i G gantiquated white plug
hats. 1t looked very unreasonable, to
say the least. The secret of this white
hat mania soon leaked out. 1t seems
a hat dealer in that town found large
stock of white plugs on hand, and
shrewdly presenting one or two leading
members with hat, the balance sup
posed it was something new, and the
enterprising halter soon disposed of his
antiquated plugs.
Iv,no,.@on% nofoc