Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1871-10-22
aEvITIES AND BREVITIEs.

H-M ="
What grows bigger the more YOU contract
it? Debt.
Men often strike women before marriage
and offener afterwards.
Impudent peoples noses, like dinner bells,
were made to be wrung.
The more rapidly whisky goes down, the
more 1t goes Iip-in price. M
Can parl0r IN which spifit-rapping Is
carried on be called tap room? n
When is a young lady ssvery like a
whale?" When she's pouting.
The best kind of hat for a countryman
visiting the city-a wide-awake.
Why is fair-haired doll like Jelly? Be-
cause it's made with eyes in-glass.
San Buenayentura, Cal, is to have bear
and bull fight In honor Of her patron saint.
Why is every Boston boy sure to make
noise in the world? Because he is little
Hub bub in himself.
People afflicted with corns should 90 to
Cincinnati, where the streets are said to be
filed with foot-pads.
DR.. Livingstone has died SO many times
these last few years that people are begin
ming to call him DR.. Livingstone.
II is sweet TO have friends YOU can trust,
and convenient sometimes to have friends
who are not afraid to trust you.
ssNever mix you drinks" is held to be a
good rule with topers, and is not at all bad
one for miIkmen to observe.
An Indiana preacher evolved a terribly
persuasive and personal sermon from the
text, "you know how it is yourself"
Persons should always dress to suit their
figure A hump-backed lady, for instance,
ought to wear camel's-hair shawl.
An incorrigible bore at our elbow wants
to know if Worcester spells Wooster,
why don't Rochester spell Roos-
ter.
An exchange, as a singular coincidence,
contains two articles-one headed Shocking
DAMS" and the other Stocking Lambs"
, When an Annapolis married man is seen
with scratches all over his face, he excuses
it by saying that he was playing with the
cat. Fa
In a certain rural town, the doctor occu-
pies the pulpit on Sundays, seeing no reason
why he should not unite doctrine with doc
trim.
1t is said of General - that in battle
he always followed his nose; but then he
was liable to colds, and his nose was fire.
quently apt to run.
The use of fasting as religious observ-
ance probably lies in this--that it gives one
a realizing sense of the semptiness Of things
below 0E
Figures. 1t is said that the reason why
clerks stare SO much at pretty women is be-
cause their business requires them TO shave
an eye on figures"
A Baltimore clergyman recognizes in
l.
Providence of Cod" but the reckless care
lessness of man. He is right.
A semi-weekly journal, devoted to the
milk interest, has been started at Dantzic,
Germany. 1t will undoubtedly circulate
largely at the watering places,
One of our exchanges praises an egg,
which it says, ''was laid on our table by the
Rev. Mr.. Smith," Mr.. Smith seems to be a
ldy-man as well as a minister.
a Racine girl wanted her lover to swear
on the Bible that she was all the world to
him, and when he wouldn't she knocked
him down with the sacred volume.
An artist, celebrated for his forest and
water pictures, was probably accounted a
laborer on account of his being a huer of
wood and drawer of water.
The Northwood Qowa) Pioneer publish
eS the cards of five physicians resident in that
small town, and argues therefrom the ne
cessity of laying out new cemetery.
A little four-year-old boy being asked by
his mother if he would not like to have
wings and be an angel, replied, ''No, ma, I'd
rather be hawk and live on chicken"
A clergyman posted the following notice
on the gate of the church: '.Found, two
hats in my strawberry ped. The owners
can have the same by proving property"
An Irishman who was recently run over
by whole train of cars got up and asked
for his cap, and said he ''would not run an
other such risk as that for ten dollars"
"a Boston girl fell dead while sitting
up with her young man the other night"
Don't "set up" with young men the ''Other
night" Every other night is often enough.
A Maine paper alludes to a recent moon
light evening as ''one of the most suburb of
the season." 1t probably meant that it was
a good night to go 'taround town. in.
II never dress much for the play" says
shrewdly philosophic woman, "because
every one is looking at the stage; but no
one is more particular about their dress at
church,
A widower being asked his opinion of
second marriages, said that as good wife
was gift from the Lord, it was wise and
right to replenish as often as the supply
gave out.
Henry Ward Beecher says that the most
gratifying circumstance in his life was being
kissed by Kossuth. A contemporary asks !:
"Isn't this a little hard on poor Mrs.
Beecher?"
\ young man in Connecticut, having the
late railroad disasters in his mind, has
broken has engagement with young lady,
because she wears train and is negligent
about her switch.
The different opinions concerning an
''affair of honor" entertained in the South
ern and Eastern States arise from local pc
culiarities of dialect. The Southern papers
pronounce it ''do-well" and the Yankee "do-
ILL.,
Jeu d'Esprit.-We are informed that the
ROthschild family is about "to celebrate the
centenary of the banking house to which it
owes its fortune" Would it not be more
correct to describe the celebration as Jew
bilee?
Apurely mechanical punster suggests that
young women have adopted the masculine
exercises of boat-racing because they think
it's row-man-tic. Nothing of the sort. It's
because it develops the chest and makes
them row. bust.
In one county of Kansas alone there are
one hundred and twenty-one acres of castor
beans under cultivation, and Greeley thinks
it needs no mathematics to show that the
crop will supply castors to every bedstead in
the United States.
When Wemyss, the famous theatrical
manager, had quit the business, and opened
instead large shop for the sale of patent
medicines, friend dryly remarked that he
would now, no doubt, be successful in filling
both boxes and pit.
"Oh, yes" said fair critic, with that
vivacity of speech and manner in which the
beau seXe indulge when picking friend to
| pieces. sob, yes, Henry would be very
presentable if the Lord hadn't turned up 50
much of his legs to make his feet"
Ten dollars is the largest fee given to a
Boston minister for performing the mar
! riage ceremony, even at the most swell''
weddings. Nine times in ten, after the
! honeymoon, the happy couple are unani.
mOusly OF the opinion that the price is
more than enough.
! At a late concert, a testy old fellow, who
! had suffered much annoyance from the in.
cessant coughing Of his neighbor behind
him, turned arOunl with, That's a very
bad cold you've got, Sir" which met with
this gentle reply: II am sorry for it, Sir
but it is the best l have got.'
| On Staten Island, recently, wedding