Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1871-05-05
The Josh Billings Papers

THE lLf.
The iy IL NOT only iomes.ick. bat o friend
~ iuseck, .th0ut brlncs, hut happily without
guile
They make thare sppelraace among ,mausine
gooI deal az the wind duz, " whare 1t ls;eth.''
How they are exazic'iy born haven't bin
able Yet tew investigate, but they are 80 uni
versa at times that hay thought they didn't
wait iev be blrn, tut took the fust good chance
that offered, and cum Just ~ they am
They make their annual yisit shout the f1st
oy May, but don't get 70 bazzing good I'LL the
center ov August
They stay with Us until ko!d weather puts in
appearance, and then leave q good deal ~ they
cum, just AZ tLeT am.
Menny oy them are cg' oph in the flower ov
thare youth sad usefulness, but this don't in-
teriere with thare census, for thare IL another
steps right into thaTe place, sui heirs thaTe
property.
The fly IL no rospector Of pussons ; he lights
onto the pouting lip oy sleeping dsrkey just
AZ easy sz he duz onto the blzzlm Of the queen
oy buty, and will buzz an alderman or hod-
carrier, if they gil in hiz way
Flys morally konsidered, are ike a large
share Of the rest of human folks, tha won't
settle on good heslthy spot in man, not if
tha can find spot that IL q leetle raw.
ThsIe principal food IL everything, they will
pitch into dead sleik or ? quarter OF beef
with the same anxiety, and will eet from sun
rise till seven O'Clock IN the evening. without
getting more than phul.
They viii eet more ald holi less. than emmy
bug we know oy.
The fly haz a remarkable Impoverished mem
ory you may drive him ont ov your esr and
be will light on your forehead, hit him aesinly,
and hn prfpra vurp ,oaa tho offo-nr Won nit ~
ov him in one spot, the more he gets onto
another the only way tew inculcste him with
your meaning IL tew smash him up fine.
Naturalsts don't tell US about the soshull
habits ov the fly, but believe they hav tenn
perate habits, and although they hang round
grocerys a good deal, never san fly the
wuss for liquor, hut hsv often seen liquor the
wuss for flies.
They have big appidght for getting into
things, they src the fust at the dinner table,
and alwus tske soup and don't leave until the
cloth IL removed.
Figs see great deal ov gool society, they are
admitted into ali circles and if they remember
one half they see and hear what a world Of
phunny sekrets they could unfold but flies are
perfectly honorable, aad never betray a konf-
dence.
What would some lovers Civ, if they could
only git fly to blab, but a fy is perfesk
gentleman, he eats oph from your plate, enjoys
your conversation, sees sights, and haz more
phun, and privileges than prime minister or 8
dressing maid, but when you come to pump
him he iz az dry in the mouth as salt
kodish.
There il something fly will blow, but he
won't blow a sekret.
Flys, think, must be born whole. for never
saw half-born hy, they are all Of size when
W fust see them, like paper Of pins, and
never git any smaller.
don't know Of more happy wbole-soulsd
honest kritteT among the bug dispensashun
than a hansum, squsre-built fy, taxing a free
ride in Central Park, with the mayor and his
wife, or & free lunch at Delmonico's. with the
minister from England. and then finishing nm
the business ov the day by sleeping upside down
en- the ceiling ov mi lady's bed chamber.
But there IL plenty ov pholks who kant see epnv
phun or religion in fly whose whole aim IL tew
set molasses traps for them, to chase them ont
Of the house with a sled stake and then clear
across plowed lot onto the next farm, tes get
up nights in thsre stocking feet, tew worry
them with the tongs, tew drive them tew the
brink ov despair, and finally ruin them with
deih.
Flys tickel me, but they don't make me sware.
A fly, the dear, little, social innocent. kant
make me swsre, not even an abbreviated dam.
despise emmy man who swsres, it IL not only
wicked, but slwus smells Of whisky.