Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1871-08-19

slumbcring feelings OF n woman, and fix
ing them on himself Under the re-.
proaches Of Caroine's father could but
regard this az wrong had done, and
which could BE- expiatcd only by peace
in forgetfulness.
l resolved that would never bet her
hear from Inc again, till had fully prov
ed myself TO be possessed OF such pow.
crs OF self-control as would warrant me
IN offering TO be the guardian of her hap
piness.
But when set myself to the work. I
found what many another does, that
had reckoned wjtlout my host. The
man who has begun to live and work bv
artificial stimulant, never knows where
he stands, and can never count upon
himself with any certainty. He lets in.
to his castle servant which becomes the
most tyrannical Of masters. lie NAV 1e-
solve to turn him out, but he will find
himself reduced TO the condition in
which he can neither do with nor with
out him.
In short, the use Of stimulant to the
hrain'tower brings on disease, in whose
| paroXysms man is ~ more his own
master than in the rawlings of fever,a dis.
ease that few have the knowledge TO un-
derstand, and for whose manifestations
the world has no pity.
cantot tell you the dire dispair that
came upon me, when after repeated falls.
bringing rcmorse and srlEupbraiding to
me, and drawing upon me the severest
reproaches Of my friends, the idea at
last flashed upon me that had indeed
become the victim of a sort of periodi-
cal insanity in which the power of the
will was overwhelmed by wild unrea
sonabIe impulse. | remember when a
Ooy reading an account of bridal par
ty sailing gaily on the coast of Norway
who were insiduously drawn into the re-
sstless outer Whirl of the great mael-
storm. The horror of the situation was
the moment the shipmaster learned that
the vessel no longer ObeYed the rueldey.
the cruelty OF it was the gradual man.
ner III which the resistless doom came
upon them. The sun still shone. the sky
was still blue. The shore with its green
trees and free birds and blooming flow
ers was near and visible as they went
round and round in dizzy whirls. past
the chu:ch with its peaceful spire. past
the home cottages, past the dwellings Of
friends and neighbors, past parents,
brothers and sisters who stood on the
shore warning and slrieking and entreat.
ing, helpless, hopeless, with bitterness
IN their souls, with all that made lite
lovely so near in sight, and vet cut off
from it by the swirl OF that tremendous
fate
There have been just such hours to
me, in which have seen the homes Of
manhood, the love of woman. the pos
session of home, the opportunity for
acquisition OF name, and position, an
property, all within sight, within grasp.
yet all made impossible by my knowI-
edge and consciousness of Il e deadly
drift ami suction Of that invisible whiri-
pool.
The more of manliness there vet is
left III man i'll these circumstances. the
more torture. The more sense of honor
love of reputation, love of friends. con
SCIENCE in duty the more anguish. /
once read trlghtIul story of woman
whose right hand was changed to SER
pent, who at intervals was reused to
hendlsh activity, and demanded Of her
the blood Of Eer nearest and dearest
friends, The hideous curse was in ap.
peasable, and the doomed victim spell
bound, powerless to resist. EYeu so the
man who has lost the control of his will
Is driven TO torture those he loves, while
ne shlyers with horror and anguish at
the sight.
l have seen the time when | gave
earncSt thanks that no wom loved me.
that | had no power TO poison the life of
q wife with the fear, and terror and lu-
gerlng agony of watching the slow fnl-
tillmcnt Of such Il doom.
1t is enough to say that with every
advanlago-of friends, patronage, posi-
toni lost all.
The world is erigeant. 1t demands
above everything that man shall keep
step. lie who cam OF, falls to the rear,
and is gradually left behind and lhc army
moves on.
The only profession left to me was
one which could avail itself of my lucid
intervals.
The power of clothing thought with
language is in our day growing TO be a
species of talent for which men are will
ing to pay, and have been able by this
20 make myself a name and a place in
the world; and what is more, hope to
do some good I'M it.
} have reflected upon my own temp
tation, endeavoring to dlvest myself OF
the horror with which my sense of the
suffering and disappointment l have
caused my friends inspires me. have
settled in my own mind the limits of hu-
man responsibility on this subject, and
have come TO the conclusion that it is to
be regarded precisely as Mary Lamb and
Charles Lamb regarded the incursion of
the mania which destroyed the peace of
their life. a man who undertakes to
comprehend and cure himself, has to
fight his way back alone. Nobody un-
derstands, nobody sympathizes with
him, nobody helps him-not because the
world is unteeling, but because it is ig-
norant of the law which governs this
species Of insanity,
1t took me thereforo n ppnat while tn