Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-06-16
HunaOr.


A constant gleaner-the tax-eathercr.
A settled thlng-a cup of good coffee.
What dress is most durable? A habit
A bird of i'll omen--a swallow OF bran.
dy.
The ldest woman's club--the broom.
stick.
How 10 get along well-have it dug
deep.
A broker is always trying to make things
whole.
A drawing room-the apartments of a
dentist.
An eclipse of the son cut off without a
penny.
A high joint affair-Rheumatism in the
shoulder. -
What Is the greatest want of the age?-
want of funds
"A good way to expand your chest-carry
big heart in it
Company Notwithstanding the servants
pefore your party.
How to find steady employment-get in.
side the State prison
Why is thunder storm like an onion?-
because it is peal on peal.
Is molassss good for a cough? 1t ought
to be; it is sold for consumption.
1t has been said that pantaloons obtained
on credit, are breeches of trust
1t is at the approach of dinner-time. that
we feel most sensibly the emptiness of
things below
Why are poor relations like fits of the
govt? Because the oftener they come the
longer they stay.
GLORY IS well enough for rich man, but
1t is of very little consequence to poor
man with large family
When shall man dine: Diogenes an.
swered the question thus: If rich, when he
likes; if poor, when he can.
JEFF, why am you like de oedar?' L guys
it up, Sam; I can't tell ye' Case We STAYS
green both summer and winter
The Providence journal says poverty is
blessing 1t certainly very closely re-
sembles Blessing inasmuch as it 'brightens
as it departs
The language of flowers: We often hear
Of the pink of propriety.' Can we not
with equal propriety speak Of the 'lie-lack
of TRUTH ~
Water will make a mans boots tight
We have seen good MANY Young men
tight in their boots lately They must have
been out in the damp. -.
Henry Ward Beecher thinks the weather.
has much to do with mans religion. az
many people pray during a thunder storm
who never think of it on a sunshiny day.
=. Development of species,' said an old
blil-diseounter, don't talk to me about de.
velopment of species. The only thing
worth studying is the development Of spe.
Josh Billings says flies have big appe.
tite for getting into things; thew are Tia
fust at the dinner table, and alwuz take
soup, and don't leave until the cloth is re-
moved.
A good book and a good woman, are ex.
cellent things for those who know how lust.
~ to appreciate their value. There are men
however, who judge from the beauty Of their
covering.
An old lady observing sign over tail
orlng establishment, bearing the inscription,
fountain of Fashion, exclaimed: 'Ah.
that must be the place where the squirts
come from
A lawyer in New Orleans seeking to i'm.
peach the testimony of a witness, said: ARA
you not in che habit Of drinking?' Sure yer |
Honor, would choke, else, was til promrt
response.
"A college student being examined in
Locke, whore he speaks of our relations to
the Deity, was asked what relation do we
most neglect? He answered with much sim.
plicity, Poor relations, sir
A tanner having married the daughter of
butcher, the bells were rung in honor of
the occasion. 1t was asked what the bells
were ringing for. only union between
skin and bone,' was the answer.
When man is unable to tell the time bv
his watch, because there arc two hands. and
ne doesn't know 'which-ter. believe it 10
tolerable sure sign that he has partaken Of
more refreshments than nature requires
An Elmira farmer wrote to Mr.. Greelev
Tor MS advice as to whether plaster was good
10 put on potatoes. Horace said he always
used gravy or butter on potatoes. but sun
posed any sone could get accustomed to Mas.
ter if they made an effort. pas
"A coat cleaned, secured and nressed for
VI, is an announcement often to be seen
at baseme Mt steps. To cap this, humor-
GUS drunkard in the fourteenth ward saws
that ne has never been cleaned and secured,
but is frequently pressed for 81.
Tho question, does getting drunk ever
advance ones happinessY would seem to be
pun 70 rest BY the Irishman who went court
ing when drunk, and was asked what pleas.
urs ne found in Whisky-Oh. biddy, it's
!fs1e intlrely, to see two of your purity faces
instead Of one
a rev years ago. at a negro camp-meet-
iDg held near Flushing the colored preacher
said: L tell you dubbed bredren, dat do
aenple Is big hog, an one Of desc days
nc ut, II come along an root you all OUT An
oio negro IN one Of the anxious pews, raised
himself from che straw, and clasping his
hands, exclaimed in the aeony Of his taore