The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1871-10-21
VARIETY.

YAHlE11.
q Man over-bored-an editor.
-5oted sorrow-The toOthache.
A ,ew version Of an old yerse-Loathe the
a. Indian!
b. 3rnan-She spoiled Us with an apple, but
"a 1.I for the wrong by forming PAIR.
"a uIinoisan recently kissed the hired girl
v4b Z his wife was looking. He will be out
sst ly Thanksgiving
oung fop about starting down to New
Oh rs proposed to purchase HE PreserVer-
-. you III not want it, suggested the clerk,
81 llgs Of wind won't sink.
Thev tell OF a man out West whose hair is so
re-, mat he has to wear fy-nets over his head to
te the candle moths from flying in.
lave YOU seen my black-laced antelope?'
md the keeper of a menagerie. +" No, said
ths visitor :: Whom did your black-iaced
~ nc elope with ?''
Mary had little lamb,
1t drank cold water freely,
And looked so innocently wise,
She called it Horace Greeley
Mary had little corn,
That grew upon her toe,
And everywhere that Mary went
The corn was sure to CO.
unsonhisticated Norwegian in Northern
fosa, put pound OF gunpowder IN his coat taii
uoes4t the other day and after taking comforta-
be suIoke put bis pipe in on top OF the Powoer.
II didn't quite kill him but he has sweetneart
uho mourDs over his awful end
a Detroit merchant received a check for s., 600
mo- a penitent dcfaulter. The amount due
be- only So 900, the merchant gratefully made
rlsre,e with check for the balance. de INDUCED
~ much profane swearing on finding the next
d. mat the SO 900 check was worthless
So,rE W1yEs.-Dr Hall has written a long
ar = to prove that it is unhealthy for man
al his wife to sleep in the same room, but the
Z Rone (Ga.,) Commercial knows OF some wives
zho world make 1t unhealthy for their husbands
sp anywhere else
Berkshire papa observed to his daughters s
hekn a. Jim If you want Lu you can have her;
but don't want you hanging around unless you
mean business. If you intend TO marry her,
hurry up, for can't be kept awake nights much
icrker."
Al Gor.-An English writer advises young
uo.ben to look favorably upon those engaged in
nericutural pursuits, assigning as one reason that
thctF " mother Eve married a gardener. de
fDr1ot to add that in consequence of the match
The gardener lest his situation.
A short time since Mr. Knott was tried in an
Intstior county of Georgia for a violation of the
hu. The verdict of the jury was, :. We find the
deiendant Knott guilty." The judge was at a
nss whether to sentence Knott or not to sentence.
He toOk time to consider.
al young lady with very pretty foot, but
-atser large ankle, went into San Francisco
sho6 store to be measured. The admiring clerk,
mh8 is of Gallo extraction, complimented her in
tf.s goIowing queer way '' Madam, you have
cac bOotiful foot, but re leg commenced too I'M
neliateIy."
a Western clergyman in recommending a
fssff for a situation says: Z" He is perfectly
ha11an, and has made some of the ablest mistakes
t1ti bFer were made, showing in their happening
ee.i sorrecting, hopeful, conscious and growing
ua48ood-''
<ir SMOOTHLY Things don't run very
snoolhly in Wyoming. Recently six married
iaiir and many gentlemen were impanneed
. unon murder case there and it became necessary
u l3ek them up all night. Three of the husbands
stclned and rayed at the Judge, and half dozen
Hoi1en made the court house ring with their
estse. The uprOar continued until the jury was
pstFpd under lock and key.
f5 is forbidden to sell or make intoxicating
f4tDrs IN the new town of Greeley, Colorado.
f1I1 starting for Longs Peak, tried to get some
ftskey as an antidote for the bite of the rattle
sot1e failing in this, he got his flask filed with
ttirLts Of ammonia, and afterward said Really,
m hadn't have known, should have taken that
skanOnia for wbiskey, and as good whIskey as
ever drank
A man was brought before an Illinois magis-
treis and fined SO so for being drunk. He
&iied blandy, and drawing out d9llar-bill, said
tl right, Mister Magistrate; suppose you
ft<tnber when sold out my saloon at Pekin
So so on the slate against you. With this
-'.ff that will exactly pay my fne- You must
c1c4ke me, SQUIRE for this little spree Of mine
PEI didn't see any other way of collecting my
against you than this" Exit inebriate.
-+t pie smiles among the audience.
4<rbers should frequently wash their hands. A
tr17ger whose nose had been gripped for the
4ft&h time by the offensive fingers of his tonso-
manager, Saturday evening, blew the soap
N his mouth and suddenly inquired
Vas the body identified ?''
- hat body?" asked the startled shaver.
hat bOdy2" repeated the stranger in sur
Why, haven't you been on coroner's
1zpUssEAU FOR BRIDGERooM-A genius who
feen excited spitefully by the current ac-
ce11e OF the expense of brides trousseau, gets
He following: 'tOne black cloth suit, $50 !;
oeket handkerchief, So; two shirts, plain
.rons, So one night shirt, embroidered, "a
.ry PAPER collars, Sc; one pair night drawers,
E>t 81 10; one pair night drawers, ruf1ed,
one bottle whisky, g; one paper cloves,
- se-' pne cake honey soap. 25e; one corkserew,
80 one bottle cocktail bitters, 81 so one ivory
tstl 800. 1 -'''' % ;
@IITE--" Well, cir, 1 manage to make a
Z somehow; fact is keeps the post-ofice
little school L teaches navigation and cuts
plays the organ in the Church, kills pigs
Yes little farrierin' I'm the parish clerk,
- t,iect the income tax. ] MIXTURES a good
and Tor the farmers, taiches any private
the pianner, and brews once a fortnit for
t'niord keeps little chandler shop and
e 'raW hats, sou-westers, tarpauIins, and
i ] I've got coal-yard and q class for
@3-- the hddle. used to do little suc-
.-<- ". Too, but that's cut mp so 'tisnt worth
I'm correspondent for the county news
tnd picks up good bit o. news O one sort
7;eer, but times amt like they used to be,