Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-07-15
HUMORs OF THE DAT.

The tool with which editors hew
out their fortunes-the ads
lent it queer that contractors
should be employed to widen streets Z
Why are birds HE farmers2 Be
cause they depend on their crops for
support.
When are newspaper like turnips !
When they are Hood.
When has a man = right to scold
his wife about his coffee? When he
has..suficient grounds.
A mai named Tease has married a
Miss Cross he leased her until she
agreed not TO be Cross any more,
The flowers are no RECEPTION to
following the fashion go TO a pond
ard you will lind the lilly pads there.
"Mama,' said a little boy who had
been sent to dry a towel before the
fire, lis it done when it's brown?'
Are jests more than ten years old
properly denominated decade
jokes2
A laxative man ne'thcre hears nor
is heard. He wont listen to others
nor they to him.
May growing very cOrpulent
against ones will be looked upon as
a fatality ?
Some ono calls the high-croWned
hats, which has been so long in fash
ion, the cylinder OF civilization"
"Grandma,' said a shrewd child,
"do You want some candy 7" ayes
dear, | should like some," "Then if
you'll buy some, I'll give you half"
said Poly.
a Toledo druggist had his name
taken off a. petition for a street i'm
prOvement when he lcarmd that
such would improve the hath of the
neighborhood.
A young lady recently tried to do
up her black hair with a hOney-Comb
to make it look sweetIy.
Caught in her own net" as the
man said when he saw one CT the
fair SEX hitched in her crinOline.
Many who repent of public life
and retire to obscurity, repent of
their repentance, and long to retire
from their retirement.
A medical student says he has
never been able to discover the
bone of contention, and desires to
know whether it is not situated very
near the jaw-bone.
A line in one of Moore's songs reads
thus: sour couch shall be roses be-
spangled with dew" TO which a
sensible girl replied, "TwcuId give
me the rheumatic, and 20 it would
YOU"
When a penny bank was estab-
lished at Putney, and the deposits
were added up at the end of the
year, a brewer who was on the COM
mitteC remarked, "Well, that repre-.
sents thirty-thopsand pints of beer
not drunk"
A politician, writing n le'te. of
coincidence to the widow of a country
member who had been his friend,
sa, s., am panied to hear that
has gone to heaven. We were bosom
friends; but now we shall never
meet again
1t has been decided by medical au-
thOritics that eff a man has q good
appetite, sleeps well, and feels buoy
ant in spirits after his meals, he
should let his health alone, whether
he is as big as a hogshesd or MS thin
as a fence rail-
The recent Rookie raids in India
are thus luCidlv explained "a
daughter Of the Rookie Chief having
died, a number of mems heads were
wanted to burn with her dead body,
and his subjects Loyalty proceeded
across our frontier to collect the
requisite material"
Which was right? Here are two
accounts Of the destruction of the
Column Nendomc. One says it was
broken into three pieces-thc other
thatit vas shattered into ten'thousand
fragments. That's u little discrep-
ancy of 9997.
A Connecticut paper tells this story
of a new boy in one of the Sunday
Schools: The precociou' youth was
a.ked who made the beautiful hills
about them, and remarked that he
did not know, as his parents only
moved into town the day before.
At Columbia, writes a South Car
olina, correspondent, | asked the
friend and brother" who BACKED my
boots whether he was glad to see
Sherman when he came. "YeS, sah,"
he said: mighty glad TO see him
come, and more glad to see him
leave
A young lady at an examination in
grammar was asked why the nOun
" bachelor" was singular. She re-
piled Immediately with much naivete.
i" Because it is very singular they
don't get married"
"That you believe you lhkFo Il call
to preach is all very well as far as it
goes" said an old doctor of divinity
to a theological student; "but," he
added, 1--WE must wait and see
whether people think they have n
call to hear YOU"
A rlpvnr writer anvs -Mprnvihnnrp