Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-07-20
Humorous Readings.

Ready money-Quicksilver.
Voices of the Night-Babies.
sleieht of hand-Refusing an "offer."
Half Severeign-The Prince of Wales.
A four in the hand is worth two in
buggy.
How much cloth Is requir ID to make
spirit-wrapper
A Toast-Here's to the three ages
engage, marriage, and dot-age.
To Cricketers.-What would you give
a thirsty batsmanF Why, a full pitcher.
The pavement of Paris is said to COR
-ist chitfv of asphalt. Another account
of it is more correct: Paris is paved with
good intentions.
at is curious fact" says an entomol0-
gist. THAT it is the female mosquito that
tormenrs u.s." A bachelor would say that
it j. not at all curious.
What should a man carry with him
when calling upon bis sttiancedT Alice
ton in his heart. perfection in his m4n'
ners and CONNECTION in his pockets.
! A Young gentleman who had just mar
ried a little beauty, says she would have
been taller, but she is made of such pre-
cious materials that nature couldn't afford
it,
As rule we disApprove of corporal
punishment, but at this season Of the year
we should not be sorry if every poor child
could get blow of fresh air.
Commercial ARCHAEOLOGICAL Did ye
hear that Swarney McNab was ta'eu up
for stalin' coo p Donald Hoot, foot,
the stipit bodiel Could be no bocbt it
an no paid fort
NV love- said Mrs. Msydup TO bar
spouse, on returning from her drive, !
have had hair-breadth escape 'Ah. said
the brute, you were well ont of dangerh
it was the same hair that you have got N
now
, A French artist being asked to draw an
. allegorical figure of benevolence, carefully
sketched bit of iRdia-rubber. "Ihl-'
said he. sis the true emblem of benevo-
lence. 1t gives more than any other sub
stance.
An old bachelor says that giving the
ballot to women would not amount 70
anything practically. because they would
keep denying that they were old enough
to vote until they got too old to take any
interest in politics.
A reader of the London Inns, if We
nav credit Punch, noticed among The
=. particulars of it's table of contents, ret.
Y erence to Oxford University Scnlls.
= Eagerly turning out this suggestive head
a ing, be found it to mean a rowing match
He was greatly disappointed, beng
phrenologist.
8 Emily Csrisbroke. who has already
oficiated at the weddings of three OF bef
e friends. and is still disengsged, says It i
:. all very we'll for the gentlemen TO pro-
pose the bridesmaids, but that she wishes
n they would go a step farther, and propose
n TO them.
1t BILL" said Bob. why is that tree called
Re the weeping willow y cause one oi 'Ds
y. sneaking, plsguey things grew near the
II school-house, and supplied the mast"
:. with switches"
rs your brother-in-law really such
lazy man - asked one gentleman OF sn'
other. "Lszy = was the reply, why hs'
l. so lev that be has an artist employed L!
ID the month to draw bis breath Win .
,g crayon."
er Young lady Indignant at beng
~ hrought 10 the academy of design too ear.
> 10y. "Now I told you, pspa, this WASH
the fashionable hour. Wen have p,N
y ing but these borrid pictures TO IO0A o.
r. until the people come !
at link-boy asked DIR. Burgess, ne
a preacher, if be would have light -.
child" says the doctor. al am one OF 'p'
lights of the world" Il wish, then' i,
MT piied the boy, "you were hung at the sD'
al of our alley, for it is very dark one
H. Little six years old George. haTlns
re- been instructed by his Aunt Katie 10 p,1s
for his papa, and being one evening ~ 81,
ns rupted in his deyotions, and told py
that be must now pray for his mSi I, ,an,
le- piled, "Aunt Katie, you Just hoiu -,
ir- horses now. Who's runnin' this pray
r.. yeu or me Z! IL.
not "Clara. 1 love but thee alone ~,
- sighed the tender youth. ~, DS ,:l. and
then, my passion own with tenu ., nth
tor earnest tone. Indeed, speak lpe s bsf
SIS He paused-the blush oersProoI s,srss
inc cheek she let him draw her near Ala be
nm for emotion could she speak, ye1 - have
:. ask in accents meek, "How nu'
y you Year, -;,ul.
A city exquisite having beoom osc5 Of
turally ambitious went in se' hsg,u TO
18th farm, and finding one for sale, - 81
ear bargain for ii. The seller m en-, Il hsd
ere one of its recommendation. sid
- very cool spring on il. :. NJ for Tss
ORC the fop, 81 won't take II ma he crops
ess heard that cold springs ruineu lie With
md last Iear, and don't wan,
m such draw back upon II