Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1871-06-29
Splinters.
Sporting sailorsAEpsom Salts.

When is soldier not half soldier
When he's in quarters.
What trade do dancing masters follow
unless ii is that of hop merchants.
A Paradox--Do you wish to get up with
the lark? Then go to bed without it.
What is the only thing that will cool
the excited minds of the Frencht Why
a good Nap. to be sure.
A Massachusetts man who telegrsphed
to New Bedford for box of pressed ci-
gars and received box Of pressed Goldfish
is astonished at ''the mistakes these tele-
graph men do riaEe"
Prince Alexis, the coming Russian, is
having cottage superbly fitted up at
(the remainder of this thrillingly interest
ing narrative will he found in any of The
watering place advertisements
A country paper, speaking of the street
organ playing of a soldier without arms,
who worked the crank with his foot,
says: "His playing was far above the av-
erage; he threw his whole sole into it."
A French artist having been asked to
draw an allegorical figure of benevolencc,
carefully sketched bit of India rubber
This" said he, ''is the true emblem of
benevolence; it gives more than any 9TH
er substance"
A rogue was once begging charity on
pretence of being dumb. A lady having
asked him, with equal simplicity, how
long he had been dumb, he was thrown
off his guard, and replied From birth,
Madam" poor fellow" said the lady,
and gave him a shilling.
BY mistake in the wording of the or
der the people of Worcester Mass, are or
dered to rc-number the houses with Ro-
man numerical instead of Arabic, which
were of course intended The Spy shud-
deringly expects to see CCCCXLIV, put
over its door, instead of simply Al
There isn't base ball club in Xenia,
Ohio, and the authorities keep out patrol
men on all the roads with instructions to
shoot any man approaching with bat or
ball. 1t is expected the population under
this administration, will double every
three months by immigration from infect
ed localities
When Indiana found her dogs multiply
ing so fast that the luxury of mutton was
almost unattainable, her Legislators offer
ed a bounty on dog skins. And now the
honest farmers have quit wool gathering
and rear dogs, which they shear at a week
old. Dogs are far more profitable crop
than cereals.
An old rat in New Bedford got captur-
ed by the neck in trap the other day,
and speedily evinced signs of much de-
mOralization. In very short time a
small army Of compatriots rallied to the
spot, attracted by his cries, and-rescued
him mo, they didn't do that; but they
went right to work, skinned him, and ate
: him all up except his hind legs.
Here is the last of shoemaker, beyond
which let no cobbler GO: A lady com
planning that the soles of her shoes We're
too thick, the artful manufacturer said to
her; rs that your only objection TO
them. madame:" 1T is replied the lady.
"Well, then, madame, if You take them |
think l can assure you will find that OBJ
lection gradually wear away"
| 1t is said that the salary of President
Elliot of Harvard College, is $4,000, and
f of the chief cook of the Parker House
$4,000. There is nothing very alarming
in this statement" says the Boston Trac-
: eier; ''it only suggests that there are more
e men fitted for the Presidential chair of
g colleges than are capable Of taking charge
of the kitchen of first class hotel.
A mysterious deaf girl has been agita
ting San Francisco. A reporter went to
interview her the other day, and while
NO"h ehS f"'ihto iA0ofcSN Al AC-
marks which would have not been CON-
> plimentary if she could have heard them
. She stood it for some time, but finally
emptied the coal scuttle over him and
: pitched him down stairs. He doesn't be
lieve she is deaf
1 "My competitor" exclaimed a political
orator, "has told you of the service he had
rendered his country during the late war.
4 Let me tell you that l, too, acted my hum
y BILE part in that memorable contest When
n the tocsin of war summoned the loyal
! masses to rally to the defense of the ma
Y tional flag, 1, animated by the patriotic
r spirit that glows in every American bo-
som, hired a substitute, and the bones OF
that man now lie bleaching on the banks
of the Rappahannock."
After Susan B. Anthony lectured at
Ripon, Wis, she wanted some recreation
and amusement, so she took a walk on
Sunday around the graveyard there
While she was enjoying the literature OF
a tombstone, she heard a lot of little boys
saving, That's her." and she thought
l. ''such is fame" Congratulating herself
that even the children of the land knew
g her, she was accosted by an urchin, who
said: "Say, amt you the old woman tha
e walks up the wire on the circus tent to
mo rrow."
THE GLEN MURDER TRIAL.-From
o the testimony being brought out in thu
Clem murder case, at Indianapolis, We
d should not be at allisurprised if her friend