Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-02-10
HnnOr.


An imaginary quantity lady's age.
An impossible quantity-too much mon
ey.
Geometrical progression-acting on the
square
Armnial progression-the lovers pro-
gress.
An inclined plane-an ugly woman with
the Grecian bend.
Exceptions from the General Rule-bach-
elors
Extraction of Cube ot-taking out a
back tooth.
The best capital to begin life with-a cap
ital wife.
What is the greatest want of the age?-
Want of funds.
An eccentric chuck. Chucking an old
maid under the chin.
Caution to ball goers-never wind up the
evening with a reel.
The nose is indeed leading feature, but
very few care to be led by it.
The poor man who tried to ''carry the
day. has been weekly ever since.
70 escape trouble from noisy children
send them to your neighbours visiting.
Suitable inscription for boatman's race
prize: s'The noblest Bowman Of them all"
Why is joiner less handsome than his
wife? Because he's deal palmer.
Painters always make good players. be-
cause they know how to draao houses.
A Chicago saloon is called Lambs Rest
Folks look sheepish when they come out.
1t doesn't follow that because man is in
the post Office, that he is a man Of letters.
In Chicago, bonnets are worn high with
reef in the maintopsail and a spanker over
the chignon.'
Good blood will show ITSELF as the old
topper said, struck by the redness of his
nose.
The man who made an impression on the
heart of coquette, has taken out patent
for stons-cuttlng.
A Vermonter insists that womens' tears
will draw ssheftier' load than any steers
he ever broke in.
The difference between baby and a coat
is this: The coat is what you wear. and the
baby is what you were.
"Why is intoxication like washbowl?
asked colered gent. Ease it am de basin,'
answered Sambo.
When may young ladies be said to be
economical? When they resort to tight Ia
cling to prevent waist. fatl1ness.
There is a scribler in town who says he
writes till it Injuries his health; his friends
say "till it inja his reputation (!
Nc profanity was meant by young lady
who told her mother she could not wear her
darned stockings to church.
A little boy out West being asked if he
knew where liars went answered, yes; to
New York to write for the papers,
1t was a wise negro who, in speaking of
the happiness of married people said: dat
ar ponds altogedder on how dey Joy dey-
selves @a
q A Wisconsin paper mentions case where
burglars broke into store, but the goods
were marked SO high that they would not
take any away.
Lady Yarmouth asked Garrick one day
why love was Away represented as child
He replied, ''because love never reaches the
age of wisdom and experience"
The editor Of newspaper out towards
Lake Champlain has discovered way of
keeping eggs from spelling. His method
is to eat thom while they are fresh Bravo
A minister asked tipsy fellow leaning
I'D against fence whore he expected to go
when he died. eff l can't get along any
better than I do now he said, II shan't
go anywhere"
A dentist, trying in vain to extract a de-
cayed tooth from lady's mouth. gave up
the task with this apology 1.-The fact is,
madam, it is impossible for anything bad to
come from your mouth
Dir. Carver, doing the henors of the ia
Bile, said to one Of his guests, fashionably
dressed girl of the period, II see that you
have plenty Of breast, Miss, but do have a
little more dressing!
Never be ashamed Of eonfessing your ig
noranee, for the wisest man on earth is ig
norant of many things, in so much that
what he knows is mere nothing in CON-
harrison with what he does not know. va.
Big sister: "Oh papa, must go to hear
Nilsson. You know | am SO fone of mu-
SIC
Juvenile brother. triumphantly: ''Then
why don't you let me play on my dfum?"
A Young Hoosicr once said to Hoosier-
ess, 'Sal. is there anybody courtln' you
now? And Sal replied, WELL Sam, there
j. one fell,r sorter eourtin' and sorter t;
but reckon it is moe sorter not al sor-
ter"
A kiss, says French authoress, gives
more pleasure than anything else in the
world. But Puck declares that that woman
evidently never experienced the childish
rapture Of descending the parlor stairs by
sliding down the hanisters. M
A traveller asked an emaeiated Georgian
if the climate Of the rice swamps Ras nns
healthy. "Wall, no" replied the loyal ma.
tive, g faint unhealthy; we have the fever
and ague all the time in these parts, but
then we do enjoy powerful nndertow Of
health.
A preacher in Waushara, Wis, has been
discharged for being personal to his hearers.
He said: eff you should take barrel and
Gil it with Holy Ghost, another and fill it
-I:.lxo, ,od coll tbis copUraoation ma