The Hawaiian gazette., 1871-09-06
Trarelinr Experience.


don't like having unprotected females and schor
boys and girls turned over to me. It's a littl
hard on man. And what's the good oft? Nc
body needs projections if any one does, it is
benevolent good-looking, innocent sort of man
such as the writer of this.
was leaving on the morning train once from
Philadelphia, when a respectable-looking oil
scoundrel, in goId-rimmed glasses asked me Il
take charge of his daughter. She could have
taken charge of me- She was 80 if a day, will
face that had been on the offensive for ter
years. I'd ike to see any man attack thai
woman; I'd go odds ten to one on the scratch.
The old fellow seemed to be in great hurry
and thrusting the lady under my arm left the
cars and drove off. In thin, angular voice, that
was meant to be very sweet and was not, she
asked me to take her pocket-bOok and get the
necessary ticket. left the car for that purpose
but when I approached the opening where the
ticket agent, kept in solitary confinement, snaps
at the world outside, found had left my pocket
book under my pillow at the hotel, and what
was worse, my watch with it. l had about twenty
minutes, and jumping into hack promised the
driver ten dollars if he would get to the hotel
and back in time for the train. q Il started off at
furious rate, ran over an old apple stand, Grip
pied venerable gentleman on the opposite
corner, aud IN much less than the time stated, 1
and the driver found ourselves marched off to the
station in the hands Of the police We were
taken before corpuent Justice of the Peace,
who had as much adipoise in his head as most
men carry about their muscles, and it took the
old fellow just two hours to try, reprimand and
fine us for our drunken and disorderly conduct
OF course the train went of with my charmer.
1t went off without her pocket-book. l never
saw her again, although made diligent search
and advertised in the daily papers. But one un-
fortunate day, some months after, l encountered
male member Of her family, who made some
serious charges against me connected with the
deseriion Of lady and stealing her pOcketbook-
tried to explain, but failing to get my words il
satisfactorily, was forced to make an assault on
this male member of her family, that ended in
some black eyes and bloody noses.
Now what was the good Of putting that aged
female under my care 1t only led to her giving
me that pocket-book and the catastrophe that
followed. She could just as well have gone off
on the Pennsylvania Central without as with me.
The thing is an outrage. If people want to put
their females under the care Of anybody, let them
try the cOnductors-they are hired for such pur-
poses-and not impose upon innocent passengers.
was reminded Of this by an adventure that
happened to me the other night in New York.
was about leaving on the o'clock train for
Washington, when man who was in search of
me approached. l know he was in search of me.
lie was in search Of some respectable, benevolent
individual to put woman under his care And
he did. She happened to be rather good looking,
and didn't object 10 a violent way, but / was
neither very graceful or gracious over the compli
ment. When / came to secure o section in the
sleeping-ear, found that delegation of pious
people were going to Washington on some char
liable business, and had taken nearly all the
berths. l secured two-at least l thought l had
and marched my female, with her two carpet
sacks, strap-saehel, mocking-bird, silk umbrella,
with a waterproof and two shawls done up in
straps, into 161. When we arrived inside,
learned for the first time that my unprotected
female could not abide the sleeping-cars. She !
said she felt like suffocatiug, and wished Sc
erety she would suffocate but when we came to |
occupy cur berths made two very dlsagreeable
discoveries. The first was that the two tickets /
called for the same berth; the other, that this /
berth was the upper one. My female friend said
positively that she could not get into that BERTH
1 Informed her that it was her only chance to
sleep, and she told me she would rather sit up.
/ then gave her the further information thai that
was all very well, but in a sleeping-car there was
no place to sit except on a wash-basin and that
/ thought would be rather inconvenient At
last, with the aid of stepIadder, the steward,
and two pious old Pomps, my unprotected female
was boosted into her roost, and the curtains
closed over her for the night.
Then came the question of what was to become
Of the undersigned. Iconsulted the conductor
and the steward. and had the satisfaction Of
hearing the fact stated that if had told them
earlier the blunder might have been remedied,
but as it was, the pous delegation had retired for
The night, and all the berths we're occupied. The
however, told me that he would try
md make some arrangement, and then went of
lbodt his business.
A drunken man had been captured on the plat
orm as We started, where be was found address
ng the stars in vociferous way, the sleeping-car
ticket fshed out of his pocket, and the inebriate
elbow chucked into an upper berth. was
Gaming against the wasbstand of the car in very
way some time after. when this intOx-
Gated fellow stuck his head out and, addressing
ne, said:
Il would ike to have drink
"water?~ said L 1
=" No. curse it. darn wateri I want some
whisky; I'm as dry as a chip"
Well" responded, l am sorry to say that
have none about me"
q Ami you the conductor -
NO. 1 answered, q don't believe am"
"'Not-dO ]. If you were the conductor you'd ,
ave something to drink. Where is the con-
uctor ?"
Itold him he was in the other car.
Well he said. " have great mind to get
ip and hustle around till get drink"
q Ny Christian friend, said, there is nothing
Q the Constitution nor sixteen amendments that