Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1871-09-23

bubbles rise on top. Then shake ill itlooks
ike boiled water. AIDA little more salt and
bottle i: up; il You ever drink it, it viii taste
just like Saratoga Springs water for all the
world
A farmer who went to Texas to buy farm
was greatly preiudiced against the country he
thought to settle in, from the fact that doctor
whom he CALLED TO attend him when
he was seized with a fever began trying
on his clothes Immediately after writing pre-
scriptiou. The fact that while the docter was
trying on bis coat the chambermaid Eas exam
lining his handkcrcLieis, aud the porter was
struggling with bis boots, lent wings to his
imagination and doubtless bad an influence in
regard to his speedy exit from the State.
New Britain, Conn, pastor was rather
careless the other day in his selections Of the to
bc-omitted portions Of the good old hymn in
which occur these lines:
"Shall such a worthless worm as
Be found at thy night hand p
The next stauza was omitted, and the choir
continued singing
60 Prevent prevent it by thy grace"
4 Boy at Found du Lac, Wis, who bad been
out hunting and got wet, stood with bis back
to the FIRE to dry, when a pound Of powder in
his coat-tail pocket became so uneasy that the
boy took a flying leap through the side Of the
house, breaking all his bones, and discouagins
him awfully. A coat-tail pocket is all right
in its place, but it don't make the safest pow
der magazine in the world
4 deaf old gentleman walking lately in lis
garden, heard The milkman shout on the other
side Of tho walk Imagining some one called to
him, he cried "IIerc,' and turned his car
trumpet iuthedirectiouo Of thewall Themilk-
man in his hurry took the trumpet for the ser
wants pail and delivered quart ofmilk therein.
An Irishman speaking Of a persons love Of
money, said verify believe that if he were
an undertaken, it would be the delight Of his
heart TO see an mankind seized with common
mortality, that he might have the benefit ofthe
general burial and provide scaris and hatbands
for the survivors
At a Sunday school in Ripon, ateacherask-
cd a little boy If he knew what the expression
sowing tares" meant "'Couyth l does, -
said be pulling the seat Of his little trousers
round in 'front.' "Tbere's tear my ma sewej.
feared it sliding down hill.'
A wife who had been lecturiug her husband
on coming home intoxicated, became iuceused
at his indifference, and exclaimed, ooh, that
could wiring tears Of anguish from your eyes %
10 which the hardened wretch hiccupped
Tar-'tai-'taiut no use, old woman, to-bo
bore for water here"
Washington Irving once said Of a pOmpous
American dipIomasst " Al! he is a great
man, aud In his own estimation a very great
man, a man Of great weight. When he goes
to the West the East tips up.
A gentleman said TO an old laly who had
brought up a family Of children near the river,
d" should think you would have lived in con-
slant fear that some Of them would have got
drowned" cob no. j." responded the old lady,
eve only lost three or four in that way
A clergyman once posted the following no.
tce on the gate Of his church Found, two
hats in my strawberry bed The owners can
Laye them by proving property" We don't
believe the owners viii call for them.
There may te something in a name, for the
very polite Boston papers call their Founding
Asylum Refuge for Anonymous Infants,
while Chicago. with ;hc most flushed etiquette
announces q Rancho flr babies bonn on the
European plan
AEule0u-ycar oll, having been iustruct,!
by his aunt Kate topuy for his papa. and being
one evening interrupted in his deyo.jons aud
told by Der that he must pray for bis mama, re-
Piled " Aunt Kate, you Just hold your horses
now. Whose ruunin' thisprayer, you orme
a census takcrc west reports eight thousand
colonelsin BIS district. There used 60 De more
in that part Of the country" he says, but
a large number Of them have been raised to
5-Atlaio.
A barchealel. tareiootod Et'e boy astanisl-
ell a worslipirS congregation in Massachu-
ret;s town. on recent sunday hy rushing into
ca,~ch and exchiuiug: Where's mydaldy
The I,ls are out|
4 lit.o 1,y. after watching the burning Of
schoo-lonse Dotl the novelty of the thing
had ceased s,ar,o '-uu he street sayiug:-
Go.ly, Is glad ;ae ald things burned
didn't have my iosrafy lesson hollow %
Pat where's your trrtbcr?7
Och. tlia mc lsriiut he's dead. sir"
Bot low diI De j-ee'
Wei. SIR, yon see De ieu OF the scaffold
one day when Gle price, va alkia to him"