Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1871-07-20
WIT AND WISDOM.

o ''I wish you had been Eve,D said an
urchih to a stingy old aunt, proverbial
for her mesnRess. why soT' 'Becouse,'
said he, 'you would have eaten Sll the
apple, inst cad Of dividing it."
4. An Indiana girl undertook to break
colt the other day. AT last accounts
her head was two sizes too large for her
bonnet. and she had ordered q set Of
false teeth. fsa5 il l9aguOE
The st. Louis Herald wants "a real
good boy TO make devil of. y
Is it imagined that the polar bear.
considers his habitation an ice place.
A private in the army recently sent
! letter toihis sweetheart, closing with:
''May heaven cherish you and Keep you
from yours truly, John Smith"
Playing at. Doctor-"Ma, dear, Ada
won't take her physic. I've mixed her
Il dose of sand, and she says must take
some first.y Doctors never do, do they,
ma?' ~ a9nl tai
lf A country Aoliticiau, in speaking OF a
rival, said: ."Pliikins is OF great use to
observing med Straws show which
| way the wind blows: and as a straw,
Pilikins has no equal in the country"
One, of the Episcopal churches in Pat
erson has wooden collection plates.
The pennies make a great, noise; the
stamps drop In quietly The, result is
very encouraging. gg;.,5r,
+ = Patty, a lady called TO a little girl
who. was in the parlof, Hdid you tell
| your mother 1 was here?1p ,tY Yes'm,r an
swered, Patty stlemuFely, d''And what
did she say?" She said "Oh, that dread
full w0A8h agaiHi' 10 a"
lto Secrets, ,'n says Josh Billings are
poor property, emmy how; if yew cirkil-
ate them, yew lose them, aud if yew
keep them ytw lose the interest on the
/ investment" " me- n3dI 1sDL on y ...,s-,
!"'Where are you going?" said q Scotch
gentleman to thief, whom he observed
into his garden. s'Back again." replied
the thief, as he hastily retreated.
A school committee in frontier dis
trict are reported to have summed upl
their opinion of an examination which
they had attended, by making the pu-
pills this address, You've spelled well,
and you've ciphered good, but you hain,t
sot still. y $50. e.lsf lfs r.t7r
The writer of an obituary notice of an
estimable lady said that the bereayed
husband was thardy able to bear the
demise of his wife" Imagine his dis
gust on reading IN print that the bereav-
ed husband was hardly able TO wear the
chemise of lis wife, fg is5s II
@ Nurse" Why, what can you have
been doing to your dolly, Miss Alice?
Miss Aliee-a Oh, it's only because Pm
tired of long hair, and I've done it like
pa, with hole at the top" .iods
Teaeher-"Tomnny hair spell what?'
Apt pnpil-'n Dunno, SIR Teacher
''Why, you namskuai. what have you
got on your head?in Apt pupil-"I
dunno, sir, but L think it bees flea"
: A little boy who had been making the
air melodious with his uproarious cry
ing was asked what was the matter, to
which he replied: "Iive got. the stom-
ach ache. and I'll haseit again if1've a
mind to-" -
Why is young lady just from board
ing school like building committee?l
Because she is ready to receive propos-
ais. -.-e-..-....- iz5.s. ,.r1I
A lady..writer lays it down as alfunda-
mental principle of morals, that unmar-
ried men should always live up to their
engagements. .) SOS s
j Why does coat get larger when tax
en- out of a carpet bag? Because when
You take it out you'll find it in ereas-
es! lse l4Z 1ssl -e
q It is curious and intei esting fact
that the debt of the United States has
been reduced as much since the var as
that of England has in fifty five years!
Striped hose with Marie Antionette
slippers, are considered the ''nobby
thing" thing for croqIet parties among
the western bellies now. Italso adds to
effect when the stripes platch the color
of the maIlets and balls.
,prezident of Trinity college on GO
ing; to prayers the other morning was
surprised 70 find sign over the chapel
door inscribed: 10 Providence and
May Station+Ip II had been borrowed
by the studenls from the railroad de-
pot. 4ts az 81 80 asiIis .'-lI 9iis
s Boartler--" This tea seems very weak,
Mrs. SlSimp.n Landiady-'.i Well, L
guess ID must be the warm weather. I
feel weak, myself: in fact everybody
complains. l 13ii = T..T
"Now my boy ,, said the committee,
mani "if had inince pie, and should
give two-tweifths of it to John, two-l
twelfths to Isaac, two-twelfths to Harry,
and should take half the pie myself,
what would there be left? Speak upI
loud, so that all can hear. The plate,
shouted the boy. 5rl % a
A promising young shaver of five or
six years, was reading his lesson at
school one day, in that deliberate man
ner for which urchins Of that age are
somewhat remarkable. AS he proceed
+ ed with the task he came upon the pas
age. Keep thy tongue from evil, and
thy lips from guile.n Master Hopeful
drawled out, =" eep-shy-tongue-
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.
Fontenelle, at the age of ninety-sev-
en-, after saying many able and gallant
things to the young and gay Mad
anne Helvetius, passed her once with
out perceiving her. :sl
s'See," said she, stopping and adj
dressing him, sshOw l ought to value
your gallantriesi You pass me with
out even looking at mep' -t..5..-. ~
stNfadame,n said the old man, s'if j
had looked at you / could not have
passed" 3 IL 3 ads lC ~
A physician of great note has said,
ssTobacco has tendency to soften and
weaken the bonesof young people: 1t
greatlyinju esth brain and spinal mar
row, and, in fact, the whole nervous
fluid. A boy who smokes frequently
or in any way uses tobacco constantly,
is never know to make man of much
energy, and generally lacks muscular as
4 well as mental power" gus ~ a
Old Starks, ON honest German, had a
farm about three miles from the village
of Naples, on the Illinois river, and,
like most of his eountrymen who set
| fled in this country, was great on gar
| den truck, bntter, eggs, etc., which he
1 carried regularly to the town to sell or
i Ntel .......isr.. o., q, .l...- IL.