The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-05-13
=. A. on Pigs.
BY BEENCs.

BIZ BEENUS.
1t was an evil hour when we consented 70 have
pigL-pigs 70 eat the crumbs from our sump
tueus table, and wax fa!--pigs to wake US at
rosy morn with their gentle calls to ull us in 70
our after dinner nap with their dulcet warnings
pigs to lead us into the dreamland at dewey
eve with their melliauous chantings,-pigs to
grow up and DO hogs and become pork and beans,
ham AID eggs, buckwheat cakes and gravy.
When the other undivorced half Of our domes.
tie drn said "pigs" to rs We mildly protested
We thea had . prejudice against pigs Where.
fsre," said We, 20 wherefore old girl, wilt thou
have mere pigs in our family ?" But she wil.ed
not. She came near Us and argued, beginning
her speech with the time honored woman's ex.
prsssioa, MY dear" and ending by sdvertent.
" dropping the smoothing iron on our favori,e
corr. We arose suddenly, and picking up tho
damaged corn. with one foot attached to it, in
our hands, We hoped about the door like iay
bird. and mildly but firmly exclaimed, Oh
pigs" Paying NO attention to the interruption,
che continued, Besides, my dear, all the neigh.
bors have pigs. and We must keep them to be
fashionable. Without pigs We cannot 70 into
good society; without pigs we shall be out of
style; without pigs we shall DO lonesome
What 10 moro beautiful, and at tho same time
moro musical than the gentle chipping of those
little beasts, all covered with mud, as they sxpec,
their dinner, and then they are so amusing"
"Yes," returned we, putting down our aching
corn, "a pig IS an amusing little csss," and then
We gave in and proceeded to have pigs-a lit.
ter Of two. Chester White Bramah. pootra.shapg.
hsi.berkshirs New neutrality-suspicious.
china mixed, for SIZES cents. We bought ten
dollars worth Of boards, Ratchet, lbs. of nails
assorted sizes, some posts, 9 handsaw, and pro.
essded to build unique structure, modelled
after no style Of architecture under the sun that
W know OF, unless, perhaps, o Chinese pasoda
OF pig-odesr. After barking our shns, pound.
Ing our fingers. running splintsrs in our hands
and using an unlimited number of cuss words
We got tho thing done. Then how to get the
pigs in was the next question. The plan of this
pig sdi6ce did not admit OF door, and tho soli
tsry window, commanding western aspect, was
seven feet from tie ground. An attempt to make
them shin up ladder was voted a failure. The
scheme Of placing bushel Of corn in the concern
80 an inducement for them to dig under and thu,
get In, wss abandoned, as it involved their star.
vation in the attempt, and was therefore deemed
impracticable We did not dare to remove
singls board from the castle, because ts peculiar
construction was such that not an inch of plank
could DO removed without the whole thing tum.
bling down in mass of ruins. A happy thought
struck u.s. We proposed to have her catch the
pigs and hold them in the middle of tho lot
Wniie We should enclose her and tho pigs in
new building, and when it was finished she
might get out the best way she could. She oh.
jected. Our inventive powers having been OK.
hausted, ws abandoned the pigs and their beau.
tiful residence to her. When the shades of
evening" came on and the pigs had became wrspt
In slumbsr, she threw blanket oyer them as
they swsetly snored under the shading branches
Ola gympsum weed. We climbed ladder. ,be
handed them up to us, aud we dropped them
down with gentle thud through the sky lixht
OF tho pig hotel, and We had EN- safely housed
The next morning We found them in the par.
lor OF our "shed," gently reclining on tho sofa ,
In the night they mad demolished the pix man.
sion, unlocked tho back door Of tho kitc ION. en-.
tered tho shed and up set tho stove, eater, 10 the
bread and potatoes prepared for break iset, and
paying no attention to the chalk line ,artitions
that mark out the kitchen, dining r. .0m, halls