The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1871-08-25
A SOLITARY LOVERS BENCH AT SAR-
ATO{pA.

young lovers, newly married people,
and young gentleman who desire to get
certain young ladies con the string, is
the absence of benches in the park.
There is only one bench where two
people can sit and talk in the whole en-
closure. This bench is in q conspicuous
location on the hill, commanding all the
approaches, to be sure, and so situated
as to incur no very quick surprises on
the part of the dog-in-the manger pi-
rates who spend their time in watching
hand holding beaux, or susceptible
| bachelors, always ON the point of pro-
posing, Every lover in Saratoga knows
| where the double bench is situated.
You will always see it occupied morn
ing, noon, and night; while lowering
around within accessible distance, will
be half dozen couples, waiting for the
next chance to sit there. Yesterday l
met an old Saratoga statistician-a rus
| ty old bachelor who, unseen, has
watched this bench for fourteen years.
He has the name of TesE-Nyoung lady
whose hand has ever osen held by
couples sitting on this bench, the NUM-
Der of kisses stolen or given away, and
the names of the stealer and the stealee.
He showed me his record book. Great
Heavens! What secrets were there.
| W hat 8 fiutter it would cause in Con.
gross Hall, I Thought. to publish them.
"How many young ladies have al.
lowed their hands to be held willingly 2"
asked of the statistician.
eleven hundred and fffty-two," he
answered.
allow many unwiIlingly2"
'Three; but they had false hands"
"How many unmarried ladies have
been kissed there
''Three hundred and ninety-one."
s<1 la.1
kissed there willingly ?"
Two hundred and seventy-six."
"Unwillingly ?"
"Two-by their husbands"
Show is the proper way to occupy
this bench with q sweetheart 2" asked.
"Wen, saunter along with 9
large daily newspaper, spread it over
your laps, holding it with one hand,
while your sweetheart holds it with the
other. This leaves to each hand free
under the paper. These hands will
naturally seek each other, and then You
can sit and defy detection from the most
observing. Such cases never watch
they defy detection"
Now, for the good of humanity, for
the benefit of scul ling husbads, loving
brides, spoony lovers, and the great ar
my of fiirters at Saratoga, 1 plead for
more benches in the parks, more seats
for two persons, more seats close to-
gether.-N. Y. Commercial Advertiser.
Senator Wilson writes from London
of his recent visit to Ireland, that he
has seen thousands of the people, from
the queen down to the ragged beggar
of the slums, and has yet to hear the
first profane word. But the wretched-
ness of the people is SO fearful as to
begar description, and he thinks that
were he to live there he should be less
of a reformer than q revolutionist.
Were we to reason after the manner of
men, we should congratulate ourselves
on our thrift and profanity; and some
of our Catholic brethren are bold
enough to claim that Ireland, with all
her beggary, is in q healthier and more
hopeful condition than New England.
But as we are unable to discover any
closer connection between pauperism
and reverence or prosperity and profan-
ity than between some of the facts adj
duced by the World and Post and Ift-
bssne, and the conclusions they are cited
to support, we heartily join with the
Senator in hoping that the time may
come when a man can travel hundreds
of miles in our country and mingle with
hundreds of thousands of our people
without hearing an oath. Swearing is
q vulgar trick, the result of bad breed
ing, and as unmanly as it is irreverent
and the sooner it is abolished in the
courts and elsewhere the quicker it will
be got rid of altogether. The man who
cannot be believed unless he speaks
under oath, lacks the first element of
veracity, and ought not to be believed
even under oath. Swear not at all, said
one, whose authority is generally con-
coded, but whose commandments are
quite as generally disobeyed.-Go1dee
Gate.