The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-09-05

| Oub tuuikudDbty EetdSGQ, SdJiHR LHdL lb
was a id humbug. "Last year."
said he, "I lost couple of tons of
hay by one of his almanacs. The book
said it would be pleasant on certain
day, and l left my grass out and lost
it. l won't have either his almanac or
his medicine" And so the old chap
took another sort. :
'I once dreamed" said Pat, "that /
called upon the President, an he axed
me wud / drink. tould him didn't
! care if TUX drop of punch. Gould
or hotY axed the President. Hot,
yer excellency, said /; and he stepped
down in the kitchen for some bilin'
water, and before he got back / woke
strate up, and now its distressin' me
that | didn't take it could"
A good story is told Of a Nashua, N.
H., physician, who recently vaccinated
family of twelve persons and charged
twelve dollars. A few days thereafter
he took a dozen cabbage plants in
part pay, as he supposed, but upon
final settlement learned, to his surprise,
that Mr.. Farmer charged doctors
prices-"one dollar a head"
For a specimen of logical consecu-
ton of ideas we venture to commend
this from a school-boy's composition: /:
tobacco was invented by man
named Walter Raleigh. When the
people first saw him smoking they
thought he was a steamboat, and as
they had never seen steamboat they
we're frightened"
A Collinsville, Ct, man who had
for years suffered rheumatism and
been unable to labor, recently lent
hand in extinguishing burning barn
and was thoroughly drenched with wa
ter, remaining wet three hours. To
his astonishment he now finds himself
entirely cured of his disease.
They have severe attack of rail-
road fever at Puget Sound. One of
the papers closes long article with /:
"Then blow, ye winds put your shoul-
ders to the wheel, ye steam. gods! and
hasten ON the time for which we are
looking, longing, dyingl'
A gentleman said to an old lady
who had brought up family of chill
dren near the Merrimack river, 81
should think you would have lived in
constant fear that some of them would
have got drowned" "Oh, no." respond
ed the old lady, eve only lost three or
four that way"
In some recent discussion societies
they debated strange questions. The
last was "What is the difference be-
tween the Bridge of Sighs' and the
size of bridge?' The next is to be
"The difference between a facsimile
and sick-family."
A gentleman from Boston on a visit
to his friend in the country, speaking
of the times, observed that his wife
had lately expended fifty dollars for a
habit. His friend replied, "Here, in
the country we don't allow our wives
to get into such habits"
Infuriated Commanding Officer of
the Smith Guard. "Hi, there; get
away, you madman-get away from
the target!" Easy-Minded Luntic-
"Hold on, guv'nor, amt as mad as 1
look. / was here all day yesterday,
and found it much the safest place in
the field"
A Rhode Island man married a
Massachusetts girl last Thursday he
went home unexpectedly, and threw
fellow, whom he found running connu-
bial opposition to him, out of a two
story window.
A link-boy asked DIR. Burgess, the
preacher, if he would have a light.
'No, chile" says the doctor, 81 am one
of the lights of the world" 81 wish,
then," replied the boy, "you were hung
at tho end of our alley, for it is very
dark one"
january" a New York gambler,
being fat broke one night, put loz-
enge on the queen, and the dealer,
mistaking it for split check, paid the
bet. From this beginning he took
81 800 out of the bank that night.
Why cut your own heir off with
shilling when you can get barber TO
cut your hair off for you and shampoo
you into the bargain for that very
moderate sum?
A couple who were recently married
in New Orleans, announced "No we'd
ding cards, no bridal tour, no honey
moon" They evidently mean bust
ness.
There is lad of our acquaintance
who regards hunger and the ohasten.
ing rod as about the same thing; both
make him holler
This is the latest contribution to
piscatorial study by the board of edu-
cation; Question-What is the cause
of the saltness of the water of the
ocean? Answer-The Goldfish.
A French doeter has written a life
Of the devil, including his subject's
essays on political economy and what
he knows about warming.
The editor of an Eastern paper hav-
ing received bank-note detector, re-
turns thanks, and modestly asks for
I,,,l.