The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-01-05
- Many who think themselves the pillars o

- Many who think themselves the pillars of
the church are only its sleepers.
The young man who stood on his own
merits became very much fatigued with the
performance.
"A grocer once had but four weights, with
which he weighed any number of pounds from
one to forty. They consisted of l, 8, 8, and 81
pound weights.
-.Mr. Smithers, how can you sleep so?
The sun has been up these two hour" well,
what if it hast said Smithers. "He goes to
bed at dark, while Pm up till after midnight"
pa" said lad to his father, "I have
often read of people poor but honest; why
don't they sometimes say rich but honest ?"-
''Tut, tut, my SON, nobody would believe them,"
answered the father.
- Youth and age have too little sympathy
with each other. If the young would remem-
ber that they may be old, and the old remem..
Der that they have been young, the world
would be happier.
= An honest old darkey down South says:
"Dey tole us dar war provisions in de Constitu-
ton for We culled folks, but dat's lie Dem
provisions didn't cum. Dis niger amt seed de
fust mou'ful."
"A young lady with pretty foot, but
rather large ankle, went into shoe store to be
measured. The admiring clerk, who is of
Gallo extraction, complimented her in the
following queer way: MADAM, you have one
bootiful foot, but ze leg commence too immedi-
ately."
= Carrying pistols is going out Of fashion in
Southern California and paper there says it
is "glad to see that most of our citizens have
had sense enough to return to the use of the
bowie knife"
"A man stopping his paper wrote to the
editor: ~ think folks ottent to spend their
mummy for payper mi daddy diddent, and ev
erybody sed he was the intelligentest man in
the country, and had the smartest family of
boiz that ever dugged taturs."
- -"What would you like to be when you be-
come man ?" said a fond mother to her young
hopeful. "Would you like to be q merchant or
doctor, or lawyer, or preacher 7" 81 think,
mamma" said the urchin, 'Pd rather be
candy shop"
In East Tennessee, the other day, an old
lady waved a red flag till train stopped, and
then asked the conductor if her daughter Sally
was aboard. The language used by that con-
ductor in reply is described as terrible.
At christening, while the minister was
the month, and happened to say, "Let me see,
this is the 3Oth." 1.-THE thirticth" exclaimed
the indignant mother, indeed, but it's only the
| thirteenth :"
= An economically ly-minded Massachusetts
man, whose wife had sore leg, saved the ex-
pense of surgical advice by tying her down on
a bench and amputating the offending member
with butcher-knife and handsaw. The OPP
Grafton was entirely successful as regards the
| leg, but the body bled to death.
= AT ball in Boston, recently, lady faint
ed, and the attentive janitor rushed for his
camphor, with which the ladys face was thor
| ly hathed until she recovered. Then it was as
certained that the camphor had been taken
from bottle Of muclage, and the lady felt too
much stuck up to stay any longer.
posed was from one of her absent sons, re-
questcd her neighbor to read it. He according
| ly began to read: "Dear mother"-then paused,
as the writing was rather illegible. ''Its from
Johnny" exclaimed the old lady, "he always
suffered"
= Oil of sassafras, it has been discovered,
will entirely ncutralizc the narcotic effects of
tobacco, and it is believed will prove On excel
lent remedy against the bite of rattlesnakes.--
Oil of sassafras, it is stated, has long been used
to prevent the fermentation of mucilage and
inks.
- Sir John Lubbock states that among many
savage races woman is absolutely forbidden to
to speak to, or even to look at her son-in-law,
or in any wise to mcddle in his affairs. Many
a poor fellow would gladly exchange half his
privileges as a citizen of this land Of Christian
civilization, for the immunity enjoyed by those
savages.
/ "A brother editor wants an almanac that
will tell him when "next month" expires. The
cause of this "want" the editor says is because
he has number of accounts, the payment of
which was promised next month, and as the
promises were made in February last, he wants
the almanac to ascertain when he may expect
the fulfilment of said promises, you know. We
should like one of these almanacs.
|