The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-12-29
Wit and Wisdom.


Found always on the spot-Detec-
tives.
VINO ever saw anybody near fire
who didn't want to play poker.
EMBERs of the dying year-Septem-
Der, November and December.
THE Spiritualist's motto-What's the
odds so long as you're rappy Judy
SHOT from Cupid's bow is like tene-
ment-house stairs-it's an arrow flight.
VINO pays the highest price for
home? The woman who marrles Tor
one.
CRUMPLE your money as much as pos
rible, and you will always find it in
creases.
q PRIDE myself" says Naggs, ON
playin' the fiddle like Paganinny, or any
other ninny."
A BAD marriage is like an electric
machine it makes you dance, but you
can't let go.
Mrs. PARTINGToN says that it is better
to speak paragorically of person than
to be all the time fiinging epitaphs at
him.
SOME one, feeling that actions are bet
ter than words, has said We read OF
the acts of the apostles, but never of
their resolutions.
WHAT is the difference between fool
and loolling-glass ?-One speaks with
out rejecting, and the other reflects
without speaking.
Why are people who have nothing to
be proud of but their pedigree, like po-
tatoes? Because the only good belong
ing to them is under ground.
IN reply to an exchange that old age
is to be respected, the Boston Traveller
says: Much depends upon whether
we find it in poultry"
A CLERGYMAN named Fiddle "respect-
fully declines " the degree Of ID. d., be-
cause, as he said, he really did not wish
to be known as the Rev. Fiddle ID. ID.
GEORGE ALFRED TOWNSEND says of
Philadelphia paper: 1t appears, by
its general thinness, to use bean soup
for printing ink and to be edited by an
oyster"
The Tyre of the New York World
gives forth the following jingle:
There is Grand Duke named Alexis.
Who. from. Maine down to southernmost Texas,
In all our cities
Must suffer committees,
Cause of Russia his father the Rex is.
"WHAT makes your COWS SO cross ?'
said an old lady to the milkman the
other day. "Cross. maam They are
the gentlest things in the world"
Well, the milk is always souri," the
matron replied sharply.
Is these our nights Of darkness, ow-
ing to inadequate gas, it is well that
reople should be informed that the
tapir in the Central Park menagerie is
not wax one, else they might be clam
oring to have it lighted and set up at
some commanding point i'll the city
New York World.
A Mt. VERNON fve-year old, hearing
his mother remark in company that she
"usually found her first impressions of
people to be correct ones," called out at
the top of his voice, " Mamma, what
were your preston when you first seen
me ?" The subject Of conversation was
Immediately changed.
The only approach to an encouraging
piece of news for the American ship
building interest that we have heard of
for long time is the intelligence that
there is quite large factory at Little
Rock. Ark, employed exclusively in
making euchre decks" They are
originally made of paste.board, but are
afterward turned to deal
OUR Major, says an old Mexican vol
unteer, had very long feet, and also a
horse that threw every one but the
Major. One evening the Majors SER
want was out on the parade ground with
the horse, and, as usual, got thrown off,
when one of the boys spoke up and
said I know why the horse don't
throw the Major " :" Why ?' was asked
by q dozen or more. Well, you see,
the Majors got such long feet that the
horse thinks he is in shafts"