Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-03-25
Facts and Fancles.

Warfare-army rations.
Any lapse but collapse.
A water spout-A temperance ora
| ton.
A long headed man is never head
long.
The man who couldn't find his
match, want to bed in the dark.
Henry Dart negro brother of some
body, thought he was pile driver, and
dropped from feur-story window in Bos-
ton. head first to the sidewalk. The
stone stood it, aud Darts rooms are to
let.
A curlish fellow refused to one of
our >hoe>blac king urchins his full fee,
whereupon the latter exclaimed. go
along, old buffer; all the polish you've
got is upon your shoes, and | gave you
| that "
"This milk is rather warm for such
cold morning" said customer, the
other day, to milk boy Yes, faith
cr put hos water in it, instead of cold,
to keep it from freezing" was the sins
pie but truthful reply.
When a steady well-hehaved young
man is seen shaking hands with a pump
and bidding it an atfectonate good night,
or saying Poor Old Cobisou Robscrew,"
| there may be faint apprehensions that
he has been taking something.
Servants receive the highest prices
in the world in ST Petersburg Girls
that can cook get $40 month, and all
in that proportion. After St. Peters,
| burg, Romania, and London pay SER
wants best, and then the United States.
Will the galvanic rings cure de-
preston" asked lady. What has
caused the complaint, ma 'am 2" asked
the doctor. The loss of my husband, "
mournfully replied the lady '' Then
you had better get a wedding ring"
answered the doctor
A gentleman sat down to write a
deed and began with "Know all women
by these presents" you are wrong"
said by-stander, +" 1t ought to be,
know all men," Very WE'LL" ans
swered the other, if all women know
it, all men will, OF course"
A colored member of the Virginia
| Legislature was recently called to ac>
count for expressing himself ungram>
matically in debate He subsequently
explained that if he did not express
himself grammaticplly, it was the fault
Of those who kept him in slavery.
A Connecticut fisherman one day
baited his hook with live frog. After
patiently waiting for some time fur a
bite as he chatted with friend, he
found that his lively bait had swum
ashore, and sitting quitely on a rock
by his side. He wound up his line and
went home.
Two ministerial candidates for a va
cant pulpit, Adam and Low, having to
preach on the same Sunday. Low,
who preached in the morning, took for
his text Adam where art thou 2" In
the evening, Adam gave his return
shot, by selecting for his text, Low
here am [.
A drawing master, worrying his spupil
with contemptuous remarks upon his
lack of ability, ended by asking, snow
sir, if you were going to draw me, what
part of me would you commenc with
first? The boy, with meaning look
into his masters face, answered very
quietly, your neck, sir"
A notorious gambler, who had ruined
his constitution by high living and hard
drink, said to his physician, the other
day, " Doctor, | suffered the pains of
the damned" " You may think so now
grimly replied the physician " but you
just hold on a little while, and you'll
find out the difference"
The following is reported in the pro-
ceedings of late meeting of the Bos-
on Radical Club There was a momen-
tary hush, and then voice which said
i" The world needs silence y and anoth
er in response, /" Why, then, did you
break it?" After this, no one seemed
of so rash couarge as to speak"
A lady was bored to death the other
evening by an immovable caller, who
talked poetry. delighting especially in
Tennyson. He finally inquired of her
what passage in Tennyson she liked best
She replied it was verse-she could
not recoIlect the exact language, but it
ran somewhat as follows, and was very
expressive Of her feelings:
And she said, / am very weary,
He goeth not, she said,
Tn a-weary, a>weary,
/ wish were in bed"
A Perplexed Frenchman. A French
man said to an American, "There is Won
word in your language | do not com
prehend. and all re time | hear it. Tat
tletoo, tattletoo--vat you means by tat