Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1871-05-26
NUMBER 8.
GsaoralitieH.


at recitation the other day. "what
stars never set?" asked the Profes.
sors and "Roostarsl" was his prompt
reply, SUB coce.
A Chicago hair restorer agent
went into the suburbs, stuck bis
posters all over church pulpit. and
then asked the minister to call atteu-
tion to them.
We read Of girl who was lately
choked to death by her lovers encirs
cling arms. ThIs IL warning To-
ladies to keep their alahaster necks
out Of charms way.
There are now more than 500
post Offices In this country In charge
of women. The salaries range as
high as $4,000. Twenty five have
salaries over 81 900.
DIR. Franklin suggested an amend
ment to the Lords Prayer thus -
Forgive Us our trespasses, and en-
able us TO forgive them that trespass
against us.'
Victoria Woodruff threatens rev.
olution III women are not allowed to
vote. Victoria knows how II IL her,
self, for she has just stirred up the
biggest kind Of revolution in her
own family.
"A yonpg widow, who was a great
stiokler for politeness, on being vis-
tied by her pastor and ask cd az to her
husbands health, he not knowing OF
his decease, replied, "He Is dend, I
thank you"
Josh Billings defines thurrer@
bred bizness man as "Wun that
knows enuff about steelfn' so there
kant ennyboddy steel tronT him, and
enuff about law so that he can do his
steelin' legally.
They never will get through
abusing Mr.. Greeley's handwriting.
The ether day he wrote puT 70.
ANNA Dickinson's Lecture on Joau
Of Are" The compositor set IL up.
Amy Dutchman can play the Jews
harp"
The remark Of an exchange that
"many Of our successful lawyers
commenced life as preachers" ~
gracefully corrected by one OF the
legal gentleman referred to, who begs
leave to state that he began lIfc as an
infant.
A lady promised to give her maid
S25 as marriage portion. The girl
got married to man of low stature.
and her mistress, on seeing him. was
surprised, and said, "Well, Mary.
what little husband you have got!"
Lap exclaimed the girl, "what
could you expect Tor go.
DIR. Trasks, the principal medical
witness for Mrs. Fair, sued her on
Monday for s2,lO0 for medical ser
vices. He sent an officer with an at
taohmcnt TO the Bank of California,
but found that all her funds had just
been drawn out on check payable
to her mother. Mrs. Fair thinks she
will live to dance on the grave Of the
Judge who tried her.
Our breihren OF the pencil In tho
domain Of Brigham are not slow at IA
retort when opportunity offers. The
editor Of the Salt Lake Herald com.
plains bitterly Of the nigh price Of
hay, and the vain tricks of dealers. -
His cotemporary Of the Tribune sug~
gests that the Herald should change
editors. so as to do away with the re.
quirement Of hay In that institution.
Exchange. ....
After Susan B. Anthony lectur-
ell at Ripon, Wis, she wanted some
recreation and allslsement, so she
took walk, on Sunday, around the
graveyard there. While she was en-
joying the literature OF a tombstone.
she heard lot Of small boys saying
That's her. aud she thought "such
IL fame.n Congratulating herself
that even the children of the land
knew her. she was accosted by an
urchin, who said: Say, amt you
the old woman that walks up the
wire on the circus tent to- morrow,
Somebody writes to the Washing
ton Capitol ms follows: "rll just
tell you good joke. The other day
one Of the High Joints said to a pref
ty girli .Where are all your hands
some meuf The ladies are all very
we'll hut, 'pon my soul. you know.
I haven't seen handsome mai
since I've been here 'Ah, said the
young lady sweetly, bat you have
handsome men In England, pre-
sumo? p 'Ohl yes, of corsrse, we have
plenty Of them. Then, why she
asked, did not the Queen send ons
here.'n