The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-09-28
THE. Perils of Newspaper Life.


The following DER true tale, which is told in
vein eoual to ANYTHING from the pen of John
Phoenix. or Mark Twain, will be appreciated
by both press and public. 1t is from the Phil
adelphia Dispatch:
A week or two ago one of our reporters had
occasion to refer to certain woman, whom we
will call Hannah Smith, as a denizen OF the
Eleventh Ward. A day or two afterward a
huge man entered the Office with his brow
clothed with thunder. In his hand he carried
fearful club, and at his side trotted bull dog
whom hunger evidently had made desperate
With that quick appreciation of the situation
which is creditable to the superior intelligence
of an educated man, the editor of this paper
and the proprietor dared to the window, cilmD
ed outside, slid down the lightning-rod, and
went across the street to watch the bloody Tray
through spy glass. With the fearlessness Oh
conscious innocence we sit still, merely insert
| ing our legs in two sections of stove-Plpe TO
guard against any msapprehenslon OF iactS .i,a On
the part of the bull dog. The man with the
club approached. -:..;, m
his hand and grasping his club. We told him
that the editor was out; that he had gone to
the North Pole with Captain Hall, and that ne
would not return before 1876, in time for the
centennial celebration.
care YOU the proprietor? asked the man.
| We explained to him that we were not that
the proprietors we're also out; that they had
gone to South America for the purpose OF in
yestipating the curative properties OF cundu-
range, and they expected to remain there for
several years.
"Well, whoever you are" exclaimed the war
rior, "my name is Smith r.
We told him we were glad, because, If there
| IL:
name of Smith, it was the privilege of know
;ng % man of that name. aBut, Smith," we
said. "why this battle array? 1t is absurd for
man to put on the panoply of war, and frisk
| into editors sanctums fumbling club, accom-
panied by disheartening bull dog, simply be-
cause his name happens to be Smith"
| He said he called in to burst the head OF the
Imam who had insulted his sister.
"It is impossible, Smith, that such thing
could have been done by any one in this Office
eyes, but it was, though; and her name was
published, tool Miss Smith-Miss Hammer
Smith"
"May we be permitted to inquire, Mr. Smith,
what was the precise character of the atront
Eofered to Hannah7"
"Well, you see," said Smith, 'the blackguard
said she was denizen. AndI want to under,
[stand," exclaimed Smith, becoming excited and
Ebrandshing his club in a wild manner over oui
Ehead, while the bull dog advanced and COM
Emenced to sniff up and down our stove;,pipe
EsI want you to understand that she is a decent
young woman, with good character, and none
of your dsnizens and such truck. The man wRe
says she is denizen is blackguard and thief
and I'll smash him over the nose if get q
chance. They may say what they please about
me, but the man who abuses my sister has goi
to suffer-" And Smith struck the table in q
violent manner with his club, while the bull
Idog put his forelegs up on the back of our chair
We pacifed Smith with dictionary. We
pointed out to raging warrior that the Webste-
rian definition of the word "denizen" gives such
person an inofensivc character and deprives
the term of anything like reproach. Smith
said he was satisfied, and he shook hands ano
kicked the bull dog down stairs. The editor
and proprietors seeing that all was safe, imme-
diately climbed the lightning rod and soon ap'
peared at the window, where they were intro
duced to Smith, with the remark that they had
returned from the North Pole and the cline o.
the cundurango somewhat unexpectedly, in or
I der to surprise their relations.
And now we suppose Smith will be mad be-
cause we have told this story about him, and M
will be coming down to interview us again IL
wars magni6cently stern array with a fresf
bull dog. But it will be in vain. We have
rented an Office in the top of the shot towe
and planted torpedoes and spring. guns all th'
way up the stairs. We warn this incendlary
Smith beware.
L