The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1871-03-03
Horns.
Bf JOSH BILLINGS.

Br JOSH DILLIxos.
In writing the biogrsphi ov horns, I an
astonished tew find 50 many ov them, and
so entirely different in thsrc pedigree and
pretentiOns.
| CAPE HORN.
Cape Horn 10 the biggest horn known e
man.
1t 10 a native of the cxtfeme bottom ov
South Amerika, and cores the oshun.
Cape Horn IL hollow, and acts AZ plum
mel for the winds; which hurry thru It IN
much haste. causing tho wSters ov the sca
for CRATE distance TO bekum cracy, which
frightens the vessels that 80 by thare, and
makes them rare and pitch ;remenjus:
This horn IL like sour old bull in the
hiway, don't seem to he ov emily use only
tcw make folks 60 out ov tharc way to git
round 1t.
cows HORN.
Two bony rrojccshuns, curved, crooked
or stratc. wore by the cows on the apex Ov
thare beds, for ornaments in time ov peace,
and used when they 80 intew war tcw stab
with
These horns are kind ov family record.
At three years old . ring appears on the
bottom ov the horn next tew the he'd, and
each year after fresh ring IL born.
In this way the COWS kno how old they
arc.
Sumtimcs these rings oil up the entire
horn and grow off intew tho adjoining fen
ces in the pasture lot, but this only happens
to very old cows.
When waz boy and had just begun tn
chew tobacker, waz told that butter KUN
from the cows horn hav since found out
that this IL another cussed old lie.
This Icing tew children izno evidence ov
genius.
DINNER HORN.
This IL The Oldest and most sakrcd horn
tfare IL. 1t IL set tcw musiz, and plays
Home, Sweet Home" about noon. 1t will
arrest a man and bring him in quicker than
a slicriff's warrant. It can outf0ot emmy
other noise. Glorious old instrument |!
Long may your lungs last!
RAMS HORN
A spiral root, that energies suddenly from
the figure head of the masculine sheep. and
ran, flies until il reaches tip end. Rams
horns are always sure sine Ov battle. They
arc used to butt with, but without any re.
spect few persons. They will attack q stun
wall, or deacon, or an established church.
A story IL told ov old Deacon Fletcher, ov
Kennektikut State. who was digging post.
holes in ram pasture on hiz farm, and the
moshun ov hiz body wsz looked upon bi the
old ram, who fed in the lot, az banter for
a fife.
Without arranging emmy terms for the
fite, the ram went incontincntily for the
deacon, and took him the first shot, on the
blind side ov his body, j;st about the NE.
ridisn.
The blow transposcd the deacon sum
eighteen feet, with heels. over. head mo.
shun.
Exaspcrated tcw pint at least ten feet
beyond endurance, the deacon jumped up,
and screened with his whole voice. ''Iu
d darned old cuss" and then all at once
remembering that he was good Plus dea:
con, he apolOgizcd hi saying. THAT IL, If |
may be allowed the cxpresshun."
The deacon haz mi entire sympathy for
the remarks made to the ram.
WHISKY HORN.
This horn varies in length. but from three
to six inches IL the favoritc size.
1t IL different from other horns, being ov
Z fluid natur.
Is IL really more pugnashus than the
rams horn; six inches of it win mock .
man perfectly calm.
When it nocks man down it holds him
thare.
1t IL either the principal or the second to
most all the iDiquity that IL travelling round.
1t makes bruics Ov men, dcanlons ov
wimcn, and Migrants ov children.
1t haz drawn more tears, broke more
hearts, and blightcd more hopes than oil
the other agencys ov the devil put t'gether.
HORN COME.
This simple, little, unsophisticated instru-
mcnt has bchedcd countless lcgions ov in.
noccnt children.
1t is always AZ ready for job AZ village
lawyer, and IL az thorough Us search war.
rant.
1t is an emblem of faith and ncatncss
When 1t gets old and loses ito teeth It should
be cherished, hung up and labelled, well
done, old mouscr!"
always look upon IN old WORKOUT fine.
tooth comb with species of venerashun
bordering on melancholy. II reminds me
ov mi boyhood and the 6oyish things that
waz runnin thru mi head in those days of
simplicity and innocence. ......s