The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-08-13
Msrning Star and Catholic Messenger.
NEW oRLKANs. SUNDAY. AUGUST Is. ISL.
VII AND WELDON.

When no one will take it.
Apoliceman was seen the other day with an
umbrella trying to arrest the rain.
Happiness grows at your fresides. and is not
to be picked In strangers gardens.
The reason we don't hear of girls giving the
mitten now-a-days-they don't learn to knit.
A sermon in four words on the vanity of
earthly possessions-shrouds have no pockets.
An ill-bred man is said to be like lightning,
because he does not know how to conduct HIM
self
Politeness is like an air cushion--There may
be nothing in it, but it eases our jolts wonder
fully.
Railways are aristocrats, they teach every
man to know his own station, and to stop
there
Who is the straightest man mentioned in the
Biblef Joseph, because Pharoah made q ruler
of him.
A scapegrace remarked that the principal
branch of education in his school was q willow
bIanch.
You can't eat enough in one week to last q
whole year, and you can't advertise on that
plan either.
Why are the cobblers eligible for medical
diplomas Because they're all skilled in the
art of healing.
spoiled is because they receive many evil
communications.
cit strikes me-" began an orator. "Then
why don't you strike it backP inquired q
British Toast-"The Ladies'! May woman,
radiant With eternal smiles meier French pc
troleum cast on British Islesw
Somebody says wife should be like roast
lamb-tender and nicely dressed. A bachelor
adds, "And without any sauce"
The way to virtue is shorter by example
than by precept; men more easily believe
what they see than what they hear.
There are narrow-minded people who look
with contempt upon professional singers, be-
When is wise man most inclined to believe
in the Darwinian theory When gossiping
fool tells him that he can ga tale unfold"
The pride that holds it's head too high rarely
diver gathers pearls by keeping its lead low.
Simon Of Tibsrius. lE answered
Iibe, "dey am got plenty OBJ fire, and de bells
are ringing for water"
"Mynheer, do Dc You know what for we call
tell You. Der reason that we call our boy
Hans is-it ish his name"
Daughter Well, to tell the truth, 1 don't
think a,uch of the close of the sermon" Fa-
ther-" Probably you were thinking more of
the clothes of the congregation"
Modesty" asks us, "What is the best
method OF popping the question It's q good
deal like champagne-if it don't "pop" itself,
there's something wrong about it.
A Quaker advice to his son on his wedding
day: When thee went counting 1 told thee |
to keep thy eyes wide open /; now that thou art |
married tell thee to keep them half shut"
Weknow a fellow who is SO excessively hos
pitable that he will even entertain doubts, and
has frequently harbored malice. As for his
friends, he is always ready to take them in.
A remark, that many successful Lawyers
rected by one Of the legal gentlemen, who
begged leave to state that he began life as an
infant.
"What draws us to France in this hour of |
inceting. "If it isn't her plaster-of.P Paris, then
q give it up" responded a voice from the
crowd
81 canlot imagine" said an alderman, "why
eny wh,skers should turn gray so much sooner
: have worked SO much harder with your jaws
han your brains."
re- (to girl ra seeking an
Catholic, ma'am." Mistress" Dear me-. nat
Catholics" Girl" So does the devil, ma'u M"
Exit mistress with q flourish.
4 clever writer says: " Providence meant
es flowers and butterflies, and there is no sin
in tasteful dress, but only in devoting to it too
much money or too much time"
What class of workmen ought the French
btoring the Column Vendome to its original
position 7 Compositors of course, for they are
IN the habit of setting up columns.
couple of lawyers engaged in case were
discussing the issue. AT all events" said the
Soupger and more enthusiastic lawyer, " we
pave justice on our side" To which the older
fnd warier counsel replied, "Quite trne, but
THAT we want is the Chief Justice 0. our
'4ide."
pom pous clergyman once said to o c"un-
rynian, who was passing him without raising
is hat, " Do you know who 1 am, +, that you
+ PASS in this unmannerly wayi You are
better fed than taught, think" Wa'al, may
~ SO, mister" was the reply, " for you caches
pc and feeds myself"
Sir Frederick Adam spoke with str.n :
cotch accent. One day, when inspecting
5 egi nent, he noticed that the tuft of SOL
fer's shake was missing. The man was an
fishman and q bit of humorist "Where's
bur feyther, my monp Hes in Ireland,
BUR honor was the prompt reply.
man al vertised for q wife, and requested
pch Candidate to enclose her carte de vislte
spirited young lady wrote to the advertiser
~ the following terms: "Sir do not enclose
~ carte for though there is some authority
putting a cart before horse, know of
'ne for putting one before an ass.