The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1871-02-18

A FLORIDA gentleman, anxious for
sensation, proposes to fight al alliga-
tor, with butcher knife, for $500.
"a PRUDENT man. says witty
Frenchman, " is like pin-his head
prevents him from going too far.
THE London Athenaum sets down
the word magnetic as I" fanciful,
and not commendable Americanism. !"
DENVER boasts of an abundance of
game-old sledge, faro, and SIGH, being
the most prevalent, we suppose.
Jack, your wife is not SO pensive
as she used to be-" GO No, she has left
that off and turned expensive"
SOME one in Brooklyn is making a
business of stealing clocks from mer-
chants offices. Being a thief of time
1t is supposed his name is Pro Crasti-
nation.
LESSON in geography. Schoolmarm,
to little Josie; "Where is the North
Pole, Josie ~ "Top of the. map,
marin, " replied the pupil.
Well, Mrs. Smith, " said Mrs. Jones,
if I'm anything, I'm a Unitarian ;
what religion are you2" amt sar-
tin what they calls it, but my old man
says he's a vegetarian"
A CORRESPONDENT of a Cleveland pa
per began letter recently with the
frank statement that it devolved upon
him to contradict, in some particular,
nearly every item of news contained in
his last. He would make good war
| correspondent.
AN old criminal, sentenced by Judge
Bedford to five years, naively remark
ed "That Judge is a nice little fell
low, but l guess he's never been to jail
himself, or he wouldn't have tucked it
on so hard"
THERE is said to be a Justice of the
Peace in Perry county, Ind, who keeps
the business confined to the family
| When he tries a case the jury is mostly
| composed of his brothers and sons.
The constable is son-in-law, and all
fines are divided.
| ONE of the miseries of life is to be
beaten in an argument, and immedi-
ately afterward to think of some express
sion that would have totally annihilat-
ed your opponent.
A COUNTRY editor, in speaking of 6
steamboat, says "She has - berths
in her ladies' cabin !" ooh, life OF
me !" exclaimed an old lady, on read
ing the above, "what squalling there
must have been"
"S1R," said a guest to his host al
dinner "this is a capital sirloin please
tell me the name of your purveyor ~
Addison" was the reply. ''Any re
lation to the Spectator % added the
gentleman Probably" said the
other, "I have often seen steel by his
side"
"CUFFEE, what do you tink de mos,
useful oh de PLANETS, de sun or d,
moon 2" "Well, Sambo, I tink the
moon orter take de fust rank in dat ar
ticker" HWhy you think so, Cuffee?'
"Well, tell you kase she shines b,
night, when we want light, and de SUI
shines by day, when we DON'T"
THEY tell queer story about a MAJ
in New Haven, who lives con the hill,
who carried home some ice cream in {
paper the other day.. He took it int
a crowded car and held it up so that az
it melted a gently meandering stream
of it cOursed down a $3.50 velvet cloal
on lady passenger. 1t ruined the
cloak, and the man said he was sorry
A MEMBER once said to a minister
who wanted little more salary as his
family increascd "I did not know
that you preached for money" "No
[ don't, :" said the minister. 81 though
you preached for souls" $50 do
But [ couldn't live on souls and if
could, it would take good many O
the size Of yours to make meal"
BISHOP MARVIN tells a story about
steward of one of the circuits in the
West Texas Conference who paid al
quarterage 100 pounds of bacon, wortl
ten cents pounds At the quarterl,
meeting, however, he brought in bill
charging Is cents pound, and Offered
in explanation for charging five cent:
more than market price that all he gave
to the church was $50 much treasure
laid up in Heaven" and he desired tt
swell that account as much as possible
The members of the Dakota Legisla-
ture recently appeared in the streets OF
Yankton wearing Anticipated white plug
hats. 1t looked very unreasonable, tC
say the least. The secret of this white
hat mania soon leaked out. 1t seems
hat dealer in that town found a large
stock of white plugs on hand, and
shrewdly presenting one or two leading
members with a hat, the balance sup
posed it was something new, and the
enterprising halter soon disposed of his
Anticipated plugs.