The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1871-05-26
SOCIAL ORGAN GRINDERS.

The philanthropic organ-grinder is
perhaps as easy to deal with as any he
always has some case in hand requiring
charitable aid, and we can, if we are
so disposed, give him something to
move on to the next door. But, If we
are not willing to purchase peace in this
way, we have TO endure his music. 1t
is very seldom that it will answer to
metaphorically slam the door in his face
he is not to be daunted. The scien-
tific grinder is much dreaded he plays
away for the hour together, and his
friends look at one another in hopeless
silence, but as silence is all he wants he
is perfectly satisfied. If you should
give him a copper, in the shape of an
approving "Ohw or "Ah" the only
change he makes is to direct his melody
to you In particular for the next few
minutes, during which time You have
to look as if you perfectly understood
the theory of atoms, and had formed
some definite idea with regard to the
probable inhabitants of the moon, feel
ing yourself all the time to be a despi-
cable hypocrite, and knowing that your
friends see through you. From some
scientific grinders it is impossible to
obtain the shortest respite; even at
meals they win insist upon reducing
the various articles of food to their
lowest denomination, by telling us
what proportion of this is starch, or
how much of that is gluten, till we all
most begin to doubt whether solid
bread and butter are not mere optical
decisions after all. Then there is the
anecdotal grinder; something is always
occurring to remind him of one of his
anecdotes, and once let him obtain the
cue from some unlucky remark, and he
grinds forth his anecdotes by the dozen.
In the course of conversation gentle
man happens to mention that he Was
demonstrating in the Highlands last
month this is enough, and before the
first speaker has had time to give an acc
count of his tour, there Is a preparatory
cough from our friend of the anecdotes,
and he proceeds: .SAh, that reminds
me of the time when and two or three
friends went down to taste the white
bait" He then goes on to enlarge on
his personal experience of the prime
minister; in the midst of which history
he is perhaps reminded of some other
auecdote, equally interesting, which he
faithfully recounts, after which he pro-
ceeds with the original story. II is
amusing TO observe those who are ac-
quainted with the propensity of this
gentleman, when they have unfortun-
steIy let slip leading remark, and they
/ 1C4I luC PfCtAAaNCAy - IT,
knell of DOOM look of silent anguish
passes across their faces, which is grad
uaily replaced by an expression of calm
resignation, and they are then prepared
| for the infection. The remedy for this
description of organ grinding can only
be practiced when the audience thor
oughly know the habits of the perform
er; the course to be taken Is, the
moment the cough is heard, for al to
be taken suddenly deaf. and to talk to-
gether in loud tones, mingled with
laughter, on the first topic that suggests
itself. This may nip The story in the
bud. If, however. the grinder is Of
the most determined class, ii is az well
10 give in at once, for tell his anecdote
he win, if he waits the whole evening
for it; besides (which is nobler for
all to suffer together hap TO allow one
fnckless individual to be taken by tht
bptton-hole on the first opportunity
and receive the whole narration alone
pported.-C'hdRbers' Journal.