The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1871-03-02

They tell of spring Ia Michigan so strong
~ magnetic that man who had drunk from
Il, and went into the black smiths shop,
found he anvli on whict he sat stuck fast Ia
, him, and had to have it amputsted
An English writer thinks the American
carly polatoeS VIII come To an end ere long,
r for, as each new variety Is claimed TO ripun
about ten days earlier Than any other, the
tune between planting aud digging will soon
toe used up.
Fltz Hugh Ludlow, in his narrative OF
travel in = The Heart of the Continent
tells OF an eccentric genius who improved on
the old yarn to the effect that Is the
weather would have been colder II the
Thermometer had been longer" by saying he
hid been where I" it was 30 cold that the
thermometer got down of he nail"
Two Irlshman were one day engaged in
routing house, " hen one Of them lost hold
and feil The ground. The . her hastcn,.d
10 him aud enquircd, when he found him
wing prostra e and still, Mickey, Mickey
a. e you dead p No." replied Mickey :;
no, dead, but spacheless Z"
The correspondent of d country paper says
he heard minister descaDtng on the present
var from the pulpit the her Sunday. and
| in he course of his remarks the divine
EXCLAIMED. How horrible it is to hear the
q fled groans OF the dying, together with the
shrieks of tie dead u
| An Irshman observing dandy taking his
usual strut in Broadway, st-pp,d up TO him
and inquired, How much do yon ark for
those houses ~ +" VIA, did you ask me that
tor - Faith, an ] thought the whole
strf ct belonged to ye"
msu died in ST. Louis recently, and in
! his VIII, alter stating hat he A." never forgot
a favor" lett 81. 000 10 an individual. who,
ten years before, ran away with his wife.
| A baby sow at Cedar RApid. had twenty
compe' TORS. Tn" mo hers decided by vote
winch baby was the incest, and each baby
had one vote The party speedily broke
I'D
! young miss in recitation in re graphy,
informed her d tonishrd teacher that g The
mammo ,h caravan, in Kentucky, is the
greatest living curiosity, and has been ex
pioded ten miles from its mouth"
! AT Princeton they refuse TO allow the
students to correspond with the girls. The
young ladies IN this dilemma Suggest the
adoption of the motto, :" Dare to do right"
ltter it has been paraphrased in this way !:
!" Do write and fear not"
A leading Democratic paper in Alabama is
kind enough to admit that 1.-THE Old Virginia
soldier, Grurrai Winfield Scott. although he
tarnlshed mis- honor and stained his sword Ivy
drawing it. like renegade against thu land o.
his birth, still is not without r@putation tor
former glorious services"
lit FOX lAT.-AuHa OiCkIuSON SAlu -
" [ propose giving the newspaper men VIII
talk abOui me tit for tat" Her firsr Gust meT
was Sol Siiiier, Kansas editor, who respond
ed " All right. Anna, Wen trade here's
our tat.''
A New England citizen, after witnessing
the drunken antics OF Salisbury on the floor
OF the United States Senate, asked senator
:" Why don't you expel him ?" 9 VIZ have
often Threatened 10 do 80" replied the
Senator. :" and | can't think OF but one
1 reason why We have allowed him TO remain u
. What is that ?" asked the stranger;
Why, you see" replied the Senator, dryiy,
vi $ 30 dreadiu'ly stupid up there, even
Sunishnry's drunken performances are
r sometimes great relief -
One of The cars attached to train which
, arrived Vt Detroit on Tuesday evening of lasl
: week. Was found To contain little girl about
S years Old, TO whose cloak was pinned Il
paper Inscribed, Z" This girl goes to Kendall!
: Wilt, Indiana" No one could be found IN
the train Who knew anything about her, and
i a lady, en- route 10 her home in Toledo, toOh
the child. expressing her Willingness to KEEP
bel until her friends should be heard from.
t New York paper gives list Of what il
n terms the " coiored MOI ables" @! New York
: The list includes waters, clergymen, caterers
{ tank presidents and Others. The world
n wealth of the good people Is quite considers
/. bic IN some Instances Mr.. Brooks, y caterer
who owns a bro vn stone front up tow d. heing
worth SlUUVU ADOi 0Sr counting his pO8SrSS
IONS al $4,000; and Others all the way from
g $50, 900 down.
A parody of Victor Hugo's address to tn.
Prusslan invaders, closes as follows Z" Ger.
man., hold back Paris is indeed formidable
j. Think brtore her walls 1t is better thar
v lighting ALI transformations are possible t6
\ her Yes erd ay she was monkey, to day
: she is n man Tomorrow she may tie 3 gorilla
S She Stems to sleep IT'S but the seeming
Is Sire is either drunk or playing possum! Hel
hair will rise like the forest mOnarchs O
{ Argonnes Her toothpick will leap from I'll
AGA b5s I'd like sword ; and this city, which
yesterday was Paris. tomorrow may bt
:, Peklp or forkopolIs "
e A good story is told of Dean Swift's parrot
v which great pet with the whole FAM y
i lone day Polly managed to open her cage ant
. get away, to the great CONSERVATION of tn,
:, whole household. After great search
Polly was found In the garden, on the top %
e an apple tree. The welcome news WAS com
y munica;ed to the Dean who, with the whois
!, OF the inmates, rushed out at once, accom-
= panied by DIR. Vaughan, who, with sOme
: friends was then on a visit to the dean. Poll,
& was found swinging on the topmost branch
r but when she discovered the large audience
/. below her, she Looked bravely down At them
!, and said, Let US pray"
The Mineral Point Tribune says that about
& two weeks~agO a Mr.. Thomas of the town O
Linden. wishing TO slangh or q beef, was
G. compelled 10 use great cxertion to secure The
8 animal and became very much heated in the
chase before it WAS caughi. Securing II al
last ne proceeded To kill and dress the beef
. Immediately, without even putting on his
I icoat, which he had thrown off, Thls happen
!. ed on one OF The coolest days of the WINTER
and Mr.. Thomas in dressing the beef took .
: chill ~ ted IN hIa death wi n