The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-08-17
K0RN.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.


korn IL sumtimes called maize, and it
grows IN sum parts ov the Western coun-
try, very amazenly.
L have seen it out thare Is foot hi (i
don't mean the aktual korn itself, but tree
on which it grows)
Korn haz ears, but never haz but one
ear, which is as def as an adder
lnjun meal liz made out ov korn, and
korn dodgers liz made out ov in un meal,
and korn-dodgers are the tuffest chunks,
ov the bread ,purswashun, known tew man.
orn-dodgers are made ov water, with
injun meal MKT into it, and then baked
on hard board, in the presence ov hot
| fire.
When you kant drive 10 penny nail
into them, with sledge hammer, they
are sed, bi good judges to be we'll done,
and are reddy tew be chawed upon.
They will keep years, in damp
place, and not grow tender, and dog hit
with one of them will yell for week, and
then crawl under the barn, and mutter
for two days more.
hav knawed two hours miself on one
side of korn doder without produsing
emmy result.
They git the name dodger from the
immegiate necessity ov doding, if one IL
hove horizontally at yu in anger
1t IL for better tew be smote bi a year
old steer, than a korn dodger that il on
ly 3 hours old.
Korn was first discovered by the injuns,
but WHARF they found it don't kno, and
i don't know as | care.
WEiskee (noble whiskee), il made out
ov korn, and whskee liz one ov the great
est blessings known to man.
We never should hav bin able tew fill
our State prizons with energetick men,
and our poor, houses with good eaters, if
it want for noble whiskee.
We never should hav had emmy temper
ance sons of society, nor prize ftes, nor
good murders, nor phatt aldermen, nor
whiskee rings, nor nor nothing, if it want
for blessed whiskee.
If it want for korn, how could emmy
boldly git horned
And if it want for Citing horned, what
would life be worth
We should all slink down to the level
ov the brutes if it want for Citing horned
The brutes don't git horned, they hain't
got emmy reason nor soul.
We often hear ov "d,mken Jrutes,"
this is a compliment paid tew oxen which
don't belog tew them.
Koan also haz kurnels, and kurnels arc
often horned, so are brigadeer- -ginerals.
Johnny kake is made out ov korn, so is
hasty puddn.
Hasty puddin and milk is quick tew
eat.
All you hav got to do IL to gap and
swallo, and that is the last ov the puddin
Korn waz familiar to antiquity. Joseph
waz sent down into Egypt after sum korn,
but his brothers didn't want him to go, so
they took pity on him and pitted him in
a pit.
When his brothers got back hum, and
were asked WHARF Joseph waz they didn't
acknowledge the korn, but lied sum-
1t has been proved that it IL wicked
tew lie about korn, or emmy ov the other
vegetables
Thare is this difference between lieing
and saying wood, it IL eazier to lie,
especially in the shade.
Korn haz got one thing that nobody
else haz got, and that iz a kob.
This kob runs thru the middle ov the
korn, and iz az phull ov korn az JOB was
ov bles.
| awus feel sorry when think ov Job,
and wonder how he managed tew set down
in chair.
Knowing how tew set down square on
a bile without hurting the chair, il one
ov the lost arts.
Job was card, he had more pashunce
and biles tew the square inch than il
usual.
One hundred and twenty five akers ov
korn tew the bushel IL konsidered good
krop, but | have seen more.
| hav seen korn sold for 10 cents a
bushel, and in sum parts ov the Western
country it IL so much that there ain 1t no
law against stealing it.
In konclushun, if yu want tew git a
sure krop ov korn, and a good price for
the krop, feed about / quarts ov it to
shanghi rooster, then murder the rooster
Immediately and sell him for II cents
pound, krop and all.-Nc,o York Weekly.
A gentleman who was very Jealous Oh
the subject of horses, but not according
to knowledge, bought mare at an auc
ton, and rode her home.
"Well, Caesar" said lie to his sable
coachmau, "what do you thind of her p
She cost me FIVE hundred dollars"
"Dunno, master"
"Yes, but what do you think %
"Well, massa, it makes me tink of what
the preacher said yesterday something
about his money is soon parted, deisre-
member de fust part"
While passing house in Virginia, two
drnmmers observed a very necnliar chin. |