The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-05-11
WIT AND HUMOR.

"A DOCTORS motto Is supposed to
be patients and long suffering"
"A Judge in Indiana has been
name. "0ld Necessity" because ne
cessity knoYs no law.
--"joNn. did you ever bet on horse
ioceT No, but / have seen my SIS
ter BIT Oh cUr old mare"
-Artemus Ward said that he thought
it rather improved comic paper to
print a joke now and then.
"A little boy being asked, What is
the chief end Of man? replied: The
end what is got the head on.
---"W ell, there is something in that"
as the man said when he tried to put
on his boot NTH kitten in it.
--lfa hole made in wall by can
non ball is called breach, would two
such holes make pail Of.
An editor out West says lie is SO
short, sighted that he frequently rubs
out with his nose what he writes with
his pencil.
That woman was philosopher
who, when she lost her husband, said
she had one great consolation-she
knew where he was O nights.
An editor, speaking Of q rogue
says; "The rascal has broken every
bank and Jail and Sabbath we have had
in this country for the last FIVE years."
The Bainbridge Sun says it is fun
ny to see boarding school miss afraid
of COW, Notwithstanding sho did all
the milking at homo few months
previous.
-"How much did he leave?" in.
quired gentleman Of q wag, on learn
ing Of the death Of wealthy citizen.
"Everythlng.' responded the wag;
'he didn' t take a dollar with him."
"A Quaker's advice to his son on
his wedding day, was, when thee
went q courting l told thee to keep thy
eyes wide open; now that thou art mar
ried, tell thee to keep them half shut"
An "Improved Nursing Appa
ratus" is advertised We don't be-
lieve the old way can be Improved
much. There are some things that
were about complete at the beginning.
"A young widow, who was a great
stickler for politeness, on being visited
by her pastor and asked as to her hus-
bands health, he not knowing Of his
deccase, replied, HE is dead, thank
you"
A Western paper, which noticed
the opening OF 4 new whiskey store,
the next day apologzed for the brevity
OF It's local columns, because the re.
porter was ill., He had assisted at the
opening
"A man in Michigan swapped his
horse fora wife, An old bachelor ac-
quaintance said he'd bet there was
something wrong with the horse, for
its owner would never have fooled it
away in that reckless manner.
Grammar Glass, stand up and re
cite. Tom, parse girls. Girls isa
particular noun Oft lovely gender,
lively person, double number, kissing
mood in the immediate tense, and in
the expectation case to matrimony, ac-
cording to general rule.
AS a companion to the song, "Oh,
give me back but yesterday" melo.
dy will soon be issued entitled, "Oh,
could you spare tomorrow" which
will be followed by you haven't got
such thing as next week about you,
have your They will undoubtedly
become immensely popular.
--"John," said an affectionate moth.
er the other day to promising boy
'if you don't stop reading so much,
you will get after while so you won't
care anything about work" "Moth,
er," replied the hopeful, leisurely re-
moving very long cigar, and turning
another leaf, Il have got SO new"
-"Well, Tom" said a blacksmith to
his apprentice. "you have been with
me now three months, and have seen
all the different points in our trade. l
wish to give you your choice Of work
for awhile" Tank zee, SIR" well,
now, what part of the business do you
ike best? "Shuttin' up shop and
,oin to dinner, sir"
There was deacon in New
hampshire by the name of Day, by
rade cooper. One Sunday he heard
number of boys playing before his
Iouse, and went to stop their Sabbath
'reaking. Assuming grave counte-
ance, he said to them: "Boys, do
'ou know what day this is?' "Yes.