Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1871-07-27
UtR APPETIZER.

chant who advertiscs +" carpets that
can't be beaten"
--Natme thrnst- some of us into
the world, miserably incomplete OH
the emotitnsl side.
The res.nn we don't hear of Girls
giving the mitten now aday-thoy
don't learn TO knit.
Some people say that dark hair.
td women marry soonest We d,ticr
il is the light heade,i ones.
Prentice says that man was the
chief consideration at the crcation.--
Woman was only "sIe issue"
A writer on school discipline
says, " Without the use of the rod
II Is Impossible to make boys smart"
Remember, when melted to Sian.
der, that il is only he among you who
is without sin that may cast the Hrst
stone.
The cye'sight il worn little
ncarer this seasons so noar that one
needn't recognize any one unless he
wants to.
Tile fellow who called tight
boots comfortable, defended his posi-.
ton by saying they made a man for.
get all other miscries.
We have often seen men and NO.
men whose words, few and sarcastic,
were often marked in italics by
snecring curl of the lip.
"A close observer of ladies saws.
when he sees kisses between women,
| IL reminds him Of two handsome un.
matched gloves--charming things
with their proper mate, but good f,r
nothing that way.
When a man Is unable To tell tho
time by his watch, becanse there are
two hands, ard he dosen't know
which TO believe" it is n tolerably
sure sign that he has partaken of moru
refreshments than his nature requires.
First Young LADY: $50 poor
Susan is dead p Second young lady;
Yes poor thing. She suffered ter.
ribly, didn't she Z And only think,
she couldn't wear that beautiful sik
dress her mother gave her, and it's
too short for he, sister,"
A naughty little boy blubbcrirg
because his mother wouldn't let him
90 down to the river Oh the Sabbath,
upon being admonished said, 81
didn't want 10 60 n swimmin' with
'em ma only wanted to 90 down
and see tho bad little boys drown Tor
going swmmin' on a Sunday.
A new made minister, having &C.
oasion To marry = couple A. hia first
official act, ard there being quite an
aSsrmblage present, he determined to
strike them dnmh with awe, and SO,
in winding up, he said, +" pronounce
you man and wife, and the Lord have
mercy OH your sinful souls !"
Some years ago. in the day. of
stages, a. stranger was riding INTO
Northampton, Mass, on the box Will,
the driver, he inquired of him in re-.
gard to the denomination Of the dif.
frrent churches as they passed them.
I"This,' said the driver. pointing to
the Old Church, is the Old Line
and this" printing to the edwards
Church, g is the New Line; and that
Uhe Unitarian) is the Accommoda.
ton"
Three Of the diriic.t, most rag.
ged little ragmuf'ins in New York city
entered one Of the magnificent drug
stores in that city. Marching up to
the counter, one said IL want a
cents worth Of rock candy" sect
ont, you ragmufiins We don't sell
cents worth If rock candy" SLOW.
" and sadly they fled out the store.
On the sidewalk n consultation took
place. They re.en,ered the door.
&" Mister, do y"n sell three cents
worth Of rock candy ?"-" Yes"
Well, we amt got 'em;" and the
proc ession moving out again.
--" Maria" said a la.ly 10 color
ed chambermaid, "thai's the third
silk dress you have worn since yon
came to me, pray how many do you
own ?"
"Only seven, misis; hut rs sayin'
my wages to buy anoder y Seven
What nse are seven silk dresses To
You? Why. don't own 80 many as
that" aspect not, rnissis," said the
smiling darkey you dosn'. need
'e,n so much as | does You see, you
quality folks everybody knows is
quality; but we batiermost kind of
cu!Iud pnssons has to dress smart 10
distinguish ourselves from common
niggers.
A Citizen Of Calusa, California,
thus details his grievances at The
hands Of his backwoods neighbors
II was determined" says be, "to
keep the Fourth of july but these
Pixies don't understand anything
about il. So last year two or three
Of MS took an old anvil down the river,
loaded it ~ and began To blaze away.
BY and by ! saw 10, Of black OBJ
jects bvbbing up and down on the
river, always up stream. ] thought