The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1871-09-01
Humorous and Witty.

Humorous and Witty.
A PIoUs Detroit sign which read, mo
spirits sold at this soda fountain" was
altered by wag so as to read, mo. |
spirits solo," etc.
A WESTERN paper accuses a cotempo-
rary of ''dirty meanness," and remarks:
'We want him to understand that two
can play at that game"
To BE called ''firt' is the best pro-
lection for man and the most danger
Gus for a woman, as in either case moth
ing serious is expected Of them.
THE annual report of an educational
institution in an Eastern State men,
tons the resignation of one of the teach
ers, young lady, to ''engage in domes-
tic relations"
TRYING to do business without adver-
Using is like winking at pretty girl
through pair of green goggles. You
may know what you are doing, but no
body else does.
MANY persons remember Father Tay-
lors prayer for Abraham Lincoln, that
the Lord would protect him "from the
creatures who were trying to bore their
way through the sheathing of his in
tegrity."
A WHITE haired old negro preacher in
New Orleans thus addressed one of the
meetings of the dissatisfied darkies last
week "What are you grumbling about?
Yer all better off than we ever spected
to be-dan We deserve to be. Did yer
tink, when Massa Linkum guy We yer
freedom. he was gwine to buy tickets in
the Louisiana State Lottery for you be-
side?''
A READER sends us the following spec
lmen of home wit Mamma" said
youthful scion of our family, recently,
"you know what ale X means, don't
your" why, yes, child, it means ale
of a superior quality" "Well, then,
mamma" continued the young hopeful,
don't you think on the same principle
one might call Mr.. Darwin an ape X
(apex)?"
The way to quarrel with a wife is to
wait until she is at her toilet prepare
tory to going out. She will be sure to
ask you if her bonnet is straight. Re-
mark that the lives of nne-t enths of
the women are passed in thinking whe-
Their their bonnets are straight, and
wind up with the remark that you never
knew but one woman who had common
sense about her. Wife will ask who
that was. You will, with sigh, reply,
"Ah never mind" Wife will ask why
didn't you marry her. You say, alb
stractedly, "Ah, why, indeed?'' The
climax is reached by this time, and q
regular row is sure to follow.
This is Canada gingerbread receipt:
Git your ginger melt molasses till it
biles over melt some butter till it's
thin stir it through the molasses can
dy; multiply by wet sugar; thrash
some clover and maryander seed. and
grind them together; git II pound
sack of flour on credit; two cups of sour
oil of kline beat somebody out of the
eggs beat the eggs strain them to
subtract the shells. Line the pan with
red flannel, saturate with equal parts of
coal tar and strong butt ar, and pour the
mixture in. Bake with slow fuse.
DUNNING, of the Denton House, in
Marysville, CAL, handed one of his
boarders slip of paper on which were
some cabalistic figures. "What is this ?"
asked the boarder. "That, sir, is your
board bill-two weeks, So" replied
Cunning. you don't let man leave
unless he pays, do you p asked the
boarder. mo, sir, do not" said Dun.
ming. well, then, III stay with you
forever rejoined the sparrer, as he sat
himself back comfortably in his chair.
A few seconds afterward a sore.headed
individual was seen walking up the
railroad track, and the cabinet maker
was called in to repair some furnit ire
belonging to the Denton House.
One of the shrewdest Of parish bea-
dies was Saunders Grant, village tailor
at NJ. How is it, Saunders" in
CURED the minister, THAT these two
young neighbors of mine have their
churches quite full, while, though |
preach the same sermons that | did
twenty years ago, my people are falling
OFF, "Weel, sir, I'll tell ye" said
Saunders; ''it's jjist wi you as wi mysel.
sew just as weel as | ever did. yet that
puir elf has ta'en my business maist
clean ava. It's no the sewing that'll
do, sir; it's the new cut it's just the
new cut r.
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