The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-03-28

A finished coquette at fashionable
ball, asked gentleman near her if he
could firt fan, which she had in her
hand. "No, madam" he replied, but l
can fan f1irt."
Josh Billings uttered a great truth
when he said He who by his biz would
rise, must either bust or advertise"
1T strikes me-" began an orator.
"Then why don't you strike it back ?"
shouted q sailor among the audience.
An apothecary lately sent bill to
widow lady, which ran thus TO curing
your husband till he died! ="
The man who by mistake took drink
from bottle of mucilage says he has felt
'stuck up ever since"
Now is the winter of our discontent,'
as the old maid said, when turned forty
she found herself without sutton.
A shopkeeper having advertised his
stock to be sold under prime cost a neigh
Dor observed that it was impossible for him
to do so, as he had never paid anything
for it himself
A rich upstart asked poor person if
he mad any idea Of the advantages arising
from riches. l believe they give rogue
an advantage over an honest man." was
the answer.
Apaper puts the matter which it wishes
to enforce in the following neat simile !:
"You might as well attempt to shampoo
an elephant with thimblefull of soapsups
as attempt to do business and ignore nd.
vcrtising."
A quaint writer says, 81 have seen
women so delicate that they are afraid to
ride, for fear OF the horses running away
afraid to sail. for fear the boat should
overset; and afraid to walk, for fear the
dew might fall but never saw one afraid
to get married"
A man in Yorkshire while collection
was being made to aid the heather ,pock
eted all the money in the plate. WheI
asked to explain his conduct, he replied
that he was the greatest heather in tha
part Of the country.
Mr.. James A. Shedd Of Burlington
fatted grade Short Horned yearing tina
at twenty months old dressed 1877 pound
in these items, meat COS, tallow As, hide
"a.
, The mean man has gone to Selma, Ala.
: and has been calling upon washwomel
representing that he is authorized to con
tract for the washing of 500 soldiers, t
. arrive in the city in few days, and en-
. gaging each one to do a portion of il
. From each he demanded fifty cents 70
7 his trouble, and they all paid him.
4 A St. Louis paper on the morning {
:, the Sth published long article opposin
the annexation of San Domingo becaus
: of the frequency and severity of torn,
does there. The same day East St. Lou
= was visited by tornado whose UNUSUAL
! destructive effects have been describe
g at length in me Times.
: Heman French of this village, has
d COW from which he has made during Il
= past 81 days, so pounds of butter, besid
,e supplying family of five persons wi
le milk. She is full-blooded Ayrshir
IL medium size. He has fed her daily wi
b, a peck of beets and carrots, quart
ii Indian meal, and two quarts Of bran mi
ed We have received few balls of I
r butter, and can truthfully say that o
err seldom sees handsomer or better butt
n at any season Of the year. Mr.. Fren
ne will report next week how much butt
r. the entire milk of the COW for da
k makes, as he is going to use none duri
in the time of the experiment.--Ly'ad
o. Union.