Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-09-29


That in future I'll lessen my labors,
By refusing to lend everything possess
To improvident, troublesome neighbors
HumOr.
Cats, like quacks, mew-till-late.
A bad omen-to owe men money.
Mill-dew-wages Of the factory girls.
What dress is most durable? A habit.
Wool gatherings-Fights between me-
groes.
A good many merchants are resting on
their overs.
No matter how low gold may get, it will
never want friends
The man who never made mistake new
err made discovery.
Those who praise you in the beginning
will ask favors in the end.
What parts of the body are most useful
to carpenters? The nails.
To make hens lay-tie their legs together
so they can't stand up.--Greeley.
A lovely mode of reasoning Man and
woman putting their heads together.
The young ladies whose feelings were
all worked up ordered fresh supply.
A Louisville dairyman has been fined for
not putting enough milk in his water
The Chicago Republican calls this ian
explodemical season for kerosene lamps
To poultry-keepers: is there any differ
ence between hen stealing and a cock robin !!
'Halloa, there, Betsy, what o'clock is it,
and where's the chicken pie?' Its eight
sir
What is the difference between a coat
and baby? The one l wear, the other l
was
Why ought crockery to know when it is
going to be broken. Because it must be
aware.
The man who popped the question by
starlight got bis sweetheart's consent in
twinkling.
There is no need for praising the present
style of ladies' dresses, for they are 'pufed'
enough already.
A barber who was sued by young man
for cutting his mustache, put in the plea
that he didn't see it.
What is the difference between wagon
tire and hoop-skirt One encircles the
felloes the other DON'T
To shrink from duty because Of ."what
people will say" is like creeping into ones
coffin and waiting to die.
1t is said of one who remembered every
thing he lent, but nothing that he borrowed,
that he had lost half his memory.
What is the difference between kernel
of corn and corned Colonel? The one
needs soaking and the other don't.
In Chicago, when the girls are popped
to, the return question is, whose husband
are you now, and for how many days?
Out West trunk factory was changed
into saloon. The keeper merely made a
D out of the 7 in the first word of the sign.
Sad-a child up town having had his
nose cut off by accident, sympathizing
neigh5or thong ht it sad case Of being
nipped in the bud
1t is we'll to leave something for those
who come after u.s." as the man said when |
be threw barrel in the way of constable
who was chasing him.
Maxim on mars and hymen.-Money is
said to be the sinews of war. 1t is equally
the sinews of marriage. Without it no
couple can carry the war on.
A shrewd confectioner in Bangor has
taught his parrot to say pretty creature to
every lady who enters the shop, and bis
business is rapidly increasing. gf
1t is an undeniable truth that the Afri.
cans, let them 60 to what part of the world
they may, retain more unequivocally than
other people the odor Of nationality.
Our sage says that there are three com.
panions with whom you should always keep
on good terms: First, your wife; second,
your stomach; third, your conscience.
A Chicago girl broke off her engagement
with young man for the reason that be
sneezes in his sleep. If it wouldn't be imper.
tinent, we would like to know how she found |
it out. w |
An old lady from one Of our rural dis |
tricts astonished clerk of one of the stores
a few days ago, by enquiring if he had any
'yaller developments sich as they did up let
ters in
A cross old bachelor says, sthe reason
why women do not cut themselves in two |
by tight lacing, is because they lace around
the heart, and that is 50 hard they cannot
effect it,
A little four-year-old, while combing her
fathers hair last Sabbath, was asked # she
saw any white hairs? YES was the re.
ply, 'it looks just as if it had been showing
in your upper story
In response to an inquiry Of scientific
observation-disclosures come feas western
journal says it does not care nickle, but
would like to know where in thunder they
60 to when you 60 for them.
A lady asked a noted doctor if he did not
think the small bonnets the ladies wore had
tendency to produce congestion on the
brain ooh no. replied the doctor; ladies |
with brains don't wear them
Ten days Of such weather as this re-
marked Vermont farmer one day this
fill sns.s