The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-01-05
Trials Of a Witness.

fuse to listen to my woes. And whether
they are my woes or not leave you to
judge yourself
At the beginning of last week made
my first appearance in the court room in
the case of Valentine against Orson. in
which the point in dispute was the own
ership of tract of land in Wyoming ter
ritory. knew something in regard to
the sale of these lands, and was fully
prepared to testify to the extent of my
knowledge in the premises but Judge
of my utter surprise and horror on being
obliged to go through such an ordeal as
the following extracts from my examina-
ton will Indicate:
The counsel for the plaintiff COM
menced by asking me if was mar
ried man, and when had answered that
l was, he said:
Is your wife believer in the princi-
pies of the Woman's Rights party
l could not for the life of me see what
this had to do with the land in Wyom.
ing, but l answered that was happy to
say she was not.
The examination then proceeded as
follows:
Q. You are happy, then, in you mat
rimonial relations? A. Yes-(and re-
membering the oath) reasonably SO.
@. Is your wife pretty? A. (Witness
remembering at once his oath and his
wife's presence in court)-She is pretty
pretty.
G. What are her defects? A. wit
ness remembering only his wife's pre-
sence)-- have never been able to dis
cover them.
@. Do you wear flannel? A. Yes, in
winter.
@. Can you testify upon your oath
that you do not wear flannel in sum-
mer? A. 1 can.
@. Now be careful in your answers.
What do you wear in the spring and
fall? A. II wear my common clothes.
@. With flannel, or without flannel
A. Sometimes with, and sometimes with
out.
@. No evasion; you must tell the
court exactly when you wear flannel,
anb when you do not.
A series of questions OH this sub
ject brought ont the fact that / wore
flannel when the weather was cold, or
cool; and did not wear it when it was
mild, or warm.
@. Have You lightning rod ON your
house? A. have.
@. How much did it cost you to have
it put up? A. 1t has not cost me any
thing yeti owe for it.
@. Is that all you owe forY A. No.
I have other debts.
@. Have you any money with you
now? A. have.
Q. How much? A. Counting con-
tents of porte-monnaie,) Sixty-two
cents.
@. Where did you get that? A.
with embarrassment. borrowed it.
Q. Were you present when defendant
first offered his land for sale to the plain
tiff?
A. Frightening up.) was.
Y. Have you ever been vaccinated
A. have.
@. On which arm? A. The left.
@. At the time of the first mention OF
this land to the plaintiff, who were pre-
sent? A. (Witness speaking with hope
full vivaoity, as if he hoped they were
The plaintiff, defendant and myself.
Q. Do you use the Old Dominion cof-
fee-pot in your house! A. (Dejectediy.,
No, sir
@. What kind Of coffee-pot do you
use? A. A common tin one.
Q. Are you willing to swear it is tin
A. am.
@. Has your wife any sisters A.
She has two; Anna and Jane.
Q. Are they married? ? A. They are
@. Are either of them as pretty as
your wife? A. (Quiokly.) No, sir.
Q. Have you any children? A. Two
Q. Have they had the measles? A
They have.
Q. Has any other person in your
house had the measles? A. 1 have had
them, and my wife has had them.
Q. How do you know your wife has
had them? A. She told me so.
@. Then you did not see her have
them? A. No, sir.
@. We want no hearsay evidence here
how can you swear that she has had
them when you did not see her have
them? A. She told me so, and 1 be-
lieved her.
@. Did she take an oath that she had
them ? A. No, sir.
Q. Then, sir, you are trifiing with the
court. Do you understand the obliga.
tions of an oath? A. do.
Q. Beware, then, that you are not
committed for perjury. Is your gas
metre ever frozen A. Yes sir.
@. What do you use when the ga:
will not burn? A. Candles.
Q. How many to the pound A
Nine.
@. How do you know there nine tc
the pound? They are sold as mines.
Q. Then you never weighed them
yourself. A. No, sir.
Counsel to the court: May it please
your Honor, this is the second time that
this witness has positively testified un-
der solemn oath, to important points Of
which he has no certain knowledge.
ask the court for protection for myself
and my client.
Here long discussion took place be-
tween the lawyers and judge, and at the
end of it the case was postponed for
four months. suppose it is expected
that l will then reascend the witness
stand but have determined that when
l enter court room again l shall appear
as criminal. These fellows have much
the easiest times, and they run so little
risk, nowadays, that their position i:
far preferable to that of the unfortunate
witness.
DR.. Boetger has found "German
beer bouquet" and that it consists of q
l.