The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-11-16
CHOOSING
One WOman's Experience-Inter-
csting Reading for Young
Ladies'.

One WOnian's EXperience-Inter-
csting Reading for Young
Ladies.
From the Baltimore Sun =.
"Whcn n girl marries, why do peo-
pie talk Of her choice? In n~inety-ninc
cases out Of q hundred, has she any
choicel Does not the mar Urobably
the last she would have choscn) select
herH'
A very clever correspondent has
sent rs n letter containing this query /;
and she makes out her case ably. She
says: 81 have been married many
wears; the match was considered Il
very good one, suitable in every re
spect--age. position and fortune. Ev.
cry one said | had made a choice.
Why,my dear Mr., Editor, | loved my
husband when married him because
he had by unwearied a~ssiduity succeed
ed in gaining my affections; but had
choice been my privilege | certainly
should not have chosen him, AS | look
at him in his easy chair, n huge dog at
his feet, a pipe peeping out Of one of
the many pockets Of his shooting'coat,
| can but think how different he is from
what | would have chosen, My first
penchant was for q fashionable clergy
man, a perfect Adouis lie was q fiat
tcrer, and he cared but little for me,
though | have not yet forgotten the
pang Of his descrtion. My next was a
barrister; a young man of immense
talent, smooth, %insinuatlng manners;
but he, TOO, after talking, walking,
dancing and flirting, left me in the lurch
Either Of these would have been my
choice had | so chosen; but my pres
cnt husband chose me and therefore |
married him and this | cannot help
thinking, must be the way with half the
married folks Of my acquaintance"
There is both sound sense and truth
in this; but is it not better that men
should choose than they should be
chosen? And is not our correspondent
probably much happier with her pres
ent husband, shooting jacket; pipe and
dog inclusive, than she would have
been with either the fashionable clergy
man or the clever barrister? Men are
~proverbially inconstant, and after mar
riage, when the trouble and inconve-
niencc Of children are beginning to be
felt, and when (the most trying time
Of ALL the wife begins to neglect her
husband for her children, unless there
was originally 4 very strong attachment
on the husbands side, there is little
chance Of happiness. A wife's atfec-
ton, on the contrary, always increases
after marriage; and ever if she were
indifferent before, no wcll-disposed
woman can help loving the father of
her children. Children, on her side,
are Il bond Of union, and though she
may appear, for them, to neglect some
Of those little attentions which men
naturally seem to expect, it is only be-
cause tie child is the more helpless be-
ing Of the two, and the true woman al
ways takes the side Of those who are
most feeble.
1t is q strange but melancholy fact
that when young girls fancy themselves
in love, they are seldom if evcr happy
ifthey marry the object of their choice.
The fact is, in the most cases, they find
the husband they have chosen quite a
different person as al individual from
the imaginary object he had appeared
rs a lover. The imagination is set to
work to fancy u lover, and all possible
and impossible PROJECTIONS are assem-
bIcd together in the young girls mind
to cndow the object Of her secret idol,
airy. The first man whose appearance
and manners attract a girl on her Gu
trance into society is endowed by her
with the halo Of these secret thoughts,
and she fancics herself violently in love
without the least real knowledge of the
man she supposcs hcrselfin love with.
No wonder, then, that if she marries
she is miserable. The object Of her
love has vanished, never to return and
she inds herself chained for life to q
man she dctcsts, because she fancies
she has been deceived in him.
On the other hand the man Who,
with very %pardonablc vanity, fancied
himself loved for his own merits, and
who was perfectly unconscious of the
secret decisions Of the Girl, becomes,
when he finds her changed after mar
riage, qnitc indignant at her caprice.
The friends and relations on both sides
share in the same tcclings-'what
would she have p they cry-"shc mar
ricd for love, and see the consequence"
The consequences are, indeed, in
such cases, generally sad enough.
When the first dclusion is dissipated,
and the truth, i'll all its hard and stern.
reality, omc forth from the veil that
has been thrown around it, both par
ties feel indignant OF the false position
in which they find themselves. Mutual
denominations take place, each accu
sing the other cf deceit and ingratitudc
while the apparent injustice of these
accusations, which is felt by each party
alternately, first wounds the feelings,
and then, if repeated, ranklos in the
wound until it becomes incurable.