The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1871-11-23

Ills voice was soft and hute-llke as tn
tenor tones of saw mill. He looked as i
he might be about the age people are whel
they banker after parrots. So asked hin
whether he owned green parrot. HI
gave me look that chilled me so that
wanted to soaA my feat in mustard, and h
said:
love nature, but, alas, l own no par
rot. Then he sighed so that | reall,
thought he had swallowed corkscrew, anc
he said:
Nature is grand in all her works, anC
ncomprehensible in her achievements
Ah.' said he, how beautiful is nature
The Imagination cannot conceive the great
ness of her works, and the mind becomes
paralyzed in endeavoring to dive into hel
mysteries
! LOVER OF NATURE
Yes said |, "the works of nature are
hunky. One has only to listen to the sweet
braying of a jackass in the setting sunlight,
or the delightful lullaby of two year old
bull-frog, to become convinced of the fact y
He continued to talk, and he said the
works of nature were all right, and he said
q Man, ambitious man, would not improve
upon them if he could"
Said /, "My sweet-scented oriental
travelling doughnut, you have got your
| foot in it there. If had the handling of
things I'd change them considerably. In
the first place, | wouldn't have it rain on
picnic days, and l would turn the world
around good deal faster, and bring those
| Chinese on top oftener in hot weather: and
I'd grind her mighty slow in October. I'd
make a regular old Saddle rock mouth out
of that October | would, and | wouldn't
do chestnuts up in prickers, nor put such
hard crust on oysters"
Then | asked him, as he had studied na-
ture some, "What effect four quarts of
| soft corn-starch pudding would have on
canary bird if it was poured in its ear
lie didn't know, so l told him it would
have bad effect.
Then | took one of my long drinks.
Goodness said he, "what drink .
What an awful example -
Then | told him that l was a temper
ance stevedore or missionary, and | told
him was hired by a temperance society
to break up the rum shops. "Don't YOU
see" said |, off | can make everybody
drink as much as do, it will squash every
rum shop in the world You see,'' said
|, /" if fellow drinks twenty cents worth,
and only pays fifteen for it, there amt
much profit in it. and then if the whskey
kills a fellow, he's MARTYR
Then | tested the old fellows wisdom,
and | asked him, as he knew so much,
could he tell the difference between a knit
ting needle and Il night-shirt
Ae said he couldn't.
Then | toll him if he couldn't he must be
darned fool
He arose, and thinks l. " old fellow, if
YOU are belligercnt | have an arm that no
man fears, and if ! lay this bunch of
knuckles on your nose you will think you
have been struck by a jewelers. safe and
four rccks of strawberries have been
mashed in it,
lie quietly lifted his umbrella and laid it
IN the next seat. Then he raised his car
pet-brg and did the same with that Then
| knew it was a kind of first of May with
HIM. lie was going to move, and he did.
| guess he was disguised, but l got whole
seat by it. The cars stopped at Babylon.
Then | took Il steamboat, and after sail
of nine miles,
GOT TO FIRE ISLAND.
In the first place, Fire Island amt no
island 1t is a streak of white sand that
runs out into the salt water like streak of
fat in a slice of corned beef. | jumped
ashore, and remarked:
by gosh, | should call this Cheese Is
land"
"Why so? p asked fellow with full
dress suit of yaller oil cloth on him. He
looked like he had been stewed in whale
oil.
told him would call it Cheese Island
because there were so many shippers on it,
The man that keeps the hotel advertises
to cure rose cold and hay fever. 'Tain't
so, for rose cold every morning | was
down there; and as for hay fever, there
amt but twenty -one blades of grass on the
whole island, and Sammis expects, by
strict integrity, close application to busi-
| ness, and good weather, to save the blade
of grass that grows the nearest to the
! house. If he does that it will be the
largest crop he ever raised. 1t is poor
place for grasshoppers. Sammis don't
own no dog whose bark is on the shore, but
his attempts at raising black and tan CLAIMS
| for fritters is success. You can get all
the surf you want down there. There is
surf on the shore, and serfs in the house.
| The guests drink new brand of cham
/ pagne. 1t is called Medford ru II. and they
| 20 IN swimming with bare skin oyercoats
on EN-.
JOB LOT OF oRANGEMEN.
For shootists there is good ducking all
the year round by just tumbling overheard,
and Sammis don't charge for overheard.
1t amt a good place to raise vegetables.
1t is better place to raise the wind.
| | didn't see but two beets on the island.
/ One was dead beat, and the other was a
dead beat to windward.
Fishing is good. A fellow can catch
lots of suckers in the bar-room
told Sammis that Shakespeare was like
a pickpocket because he was for all time
Sammis did not like it,
/ came across a job lot of Orangemen on
the island, twelve of EN-, who had left their