Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-12-22

there still. Did you never read 1T
in Bausman's book on the Holy
Land? Bausman, the reformed
preacher" The simplicity of the
surroundings upon this occasion
were, it seemed to me, in keeping
with those of the original Supper,
at which sat the "Carpenter's Son"
and the fishermen.
Weaning Baby.
We have had a weaving over to
our house. A lovely babe has been
rudely torn from it's mother, there
hasn't been any sleep in the neigh
borhood for week, and all the cats,
dogs and English sparrows have
fled in dismay. Pleasant dreams
and ccstacies Of bliss have fled and
everything is SO blue that we can
scrape indigo off the back fence
This weaving business has disturb
ed the peace and quietness of qui-
ct family wuss than ten tons of
bellyache. I'd rather swallow a
bell knob, hitch the wire to an en-
gine house, and start a telegraph
alarm in my stomach, than attend
another season Of weaving. Young
'uns don't like to be weaned; they
don't like to be separated from the
bosom of the family, not muchly.-
It all came about thusly: live with
Mrs. Spiffins; Mrs. Srifins is the
majestic mother of a little Spifiins;
its father is old Spifins, called old
Spit, for short, just as little Spifins
is called Spiffy for easy. There is
door between my room and the
Spiffinses. The keyhole leaks, hence
all the trouble. A female woman,
mother of about a dozen children,
called on Spiffins, and told how it
was shameful to nuss that great big
boy-it was drawing on her too
much, and care and anxiety would
put white streaks on her head, like
fat in hunk of roast beef. She
told her how if she didn't wcan him
from the maternal fount in less than
six months she could scrub clothes
on her forehead. Then she con-
cludcd to wean the little cuss, and
it was the worst season of perplexi-
ty and unadulterated distress | ever
experienced. It was equal to a
good spell of misery and woe, with
out any sweetening. A man comes
out of season of wcaning looking
wuss than rooster drowned in a
swill barrel.
The first thing this pious family
did was to lay in a barrel of super
sulphate Of paregoric-thcy didn't
lay in it, but they laid it in. They
got sixty dozen Of Winslow's syrup,
ten pounds of morphine, twenty
gum drops and eight pounds of
alum, to shrink his throat so he
couldn't yell; then they bought two
cows that gave one cows milk, an
other COW that gave condensed
milk, and another COW that gave
cream for the coffee; then they
bought another COW that didn't give
any milk, for company for the other
cows. 1 told them that if they kept
SO many cows, Spif'y would be a
coward; but Mrs. Spiffins didn't ap-
prcciate the joke. The dreadful
night came. Spiffy had his rations
cut off; he didn't like it, and I'll
swear, / found out, before long, that
didn't like it either, and l soon
wished his head had been cut off,
too. The anvil chorus wasn't no.
where; it was worse than though
my pillow had been stuffed with
live bullfrogs; of all the yells that
ever brought sunshine to the fire.
side, this was the yell-oh-est-from
1915 p. m. till I a. m, it was one
streak of shrek, with here and
there knot in it, when he raised
his voice little. l laid awake all
night and murmured cusses. In
the next room things were kinder
mixed. Mrs. Spiffins and Spif got
to growing, Mrs. Spiffins cried and
Spif swore. Mrs. Spiffins asked
Spif if these were the golden dreams
of her maidenhood. Spif said he
didn't care continental d-n for
golden dreams, and asked her il
this was the peaceful manner in
which they were to glide down the
pathway Of life together. Then she
told him if she had married Smith,
he wouldn't have treated her So
Spif told her he wished to thunder
she had, and old Smith had that
young'un to wean. Then Mrs.
Spiffins began to weep, and told
Spif how much she had suffered fol
him, and she said her heart was
breaking. Then l think, by the
sound, old Spif got up and took a
hand in exercising Spiffy, for ]
heard a heavy foot pacing the fiool
all night. When l heard the glass
es jingle l knew that Spiffy was
getting paregoric squirted down
his throat; but Spiffy kept up his
yell. BY Julius Cesar, l felt like
cramming live lobster down his
throat. Three nights this thing was
kept up. l didn't sleep one wink
lost ten pounds of flesh, and if
could have got hold Of that little
cuss, I'd lost another pound-I'd
have pounded his hide SO he would
mt have no hide and seek in him
when he grew up. No more wean
ing matinees for me. After the
thing was all did, they brought lit
tic Spiffy down into the parlor.-
He laughed and crowed, and I'll
take my oath you would think that
he never cried in his life. I'm
blessed glad the job is done, and il
ever l have to have the job done on
| my own account, you'll find this
youth leaving town for week; fol
it is an awful job to wean young
'un, sure.
Florence, the comedian, tells a
capital story of waiter at one oi
the London taverns who was sadly
| given to drink. A party Of young
men determined to reform him, and
one day read an imaginary para.
graph from the paper relating a
terrible accident, in which an inc
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