The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1871-04-21
The man most looked up to-The maj
in the moon.

A secret warranted to keep in any
climate-a wQman's age.
According to the articles of war, 1t is
death to stop a cannon ball.
An ugly old bachelor suggests that
births should be published under the
head of "New Music"
WHAT is the difference between an
entrance to barn and loafer in a
printing office? One is barn door and
the other darn bore.
The ladies give as reason for marry
ing for money that they now seldom
find anything else in a man worth hav-
ing.
A lady of color, boasting of the pro-
gress made by her son in arithmetic,
xultingly said, "He is in de mortilica-
on table,"
We endorse the theory that any man
who will not do anything by way of
public improvement, ought to keep
tavern after everybody is dead.
There is lad of our acquaintance,
who regards hunger and the Christening
rod as about the same thing, both make
the boy holter.
Mosquitoes have come early at the
South this season. They are reported
to be large, numerous and hungry.
Why cannot a provision, expelling
them, be put in the anti Ku-Klux bill?
A good deal of the consolation of this
world is about as solacing as the assur-
ance of the man to his wife when she
fell into the river. "You will find
ground at the bottom, my dear"
A countryman who was charged with
ten gallons of whiskey which grocer
had put in an eight gallon keg, said he
'didn't mind the money overcharged
so much as he did the strain on the
keg."
At Nashua, N. H., at the recent elec-
tion, Miss Longley, Republican was a
candidate for School Director, but was
defeated by her father, who was on the
Democratic ticket. He had small
majority.
The Boston Post tells of man in Troy
"who left a boarding-hOuse just because
a rat bit off his ear. When people get
to be that particular about trifles, they
ought to quit boarding and go to keep
ing. house."
A man in Michigan swapped his horse
q
ance said he'd bet there was something
the matter with the horse, or its owner
would never have fooled it away in that
reckless manner.
"Solidified beer" is the latest thing.
1t is lager concentrated the way they do
milk, SO that the amount you can hold
on the point of knife, will make you
drunk clean through. A man can carry
nf 4 in IN ~
temperance society.
A short time since Mr.. Knott was
tried in d interior county of Georgia for
violation of law. The verdict of the
jury was. eve find the defendant
Knott guilty." The judge was at loss
whether to sentence Knott or not to
A poor widow woman was relating
to a neighbor, how fond her husband
was of having good fire; how busy
he would make himself in fixing it SC
that it would burn-"Ah, poor deal
man" said she, ~ hope he's gone where
they keep good fires"
Josh Billings says: "The live man il
like little pig, he is weaned young
and begins to root early. He is the
pepper sass NV creation, the allspice Nv
the world. One live man in a village
is Ikea case NV itch in district schoo
he sets every body to scratchin' a
Onst.
A wife in San Francisco lately put c
petition for divorce in the court, on the
ground that her husband was ''con
founded fool" The judge, who was ar
old bachelor, would not admit the plea
because, he said, every man who get
married would be liable to the same
imputation.
A little girl in Pennsylvania was re-
Gently reproved for playing out doors
with the boys, and informed that being
seven years old, she was "too big fol
that now" But, with all imaginable
innocence, she replied: "Why, the big
ger we grow the better we like en-
Grandma took time to think.
A stolen kiss saved a girls lifein For
du Lac, Wis.,, last week, for If the mar
who did the deed had not pulled hel
head forward Just as he did, bean
which fell from the upper floor wOult
have dashed her brains out. Thi
should teach girls to yield gracefully
when young men essay to Indulge II
the luxury of kiss.
Mark Twain thus prescribes for al
aspirant for literary fame:
''Young Author. ."--Yes, Agassiz doe
recommend authors to eat fish, becaus
the phosphorus in it makes brains. $
far You are correct. But / cannot he'll
YOU to decision about the amount yo
need to eat--atleast, not with certainty
If the specimen composition you sent
is about your fair usual average,
should Judge that perhaps couple o
whales would be all you would wan
for the present. Not the largest kind