Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1871-07-14
The Josh Billings Papers.
WHAT KYo ABOUT rnAR1N.'


What I kno about pharmin IL kussid
little.
Nj buzzum friend, Horace Greeley, haz
Tit book with the above name. and aitho i
haven had time tew peroose it yet don't
hesitate tew pronounce it bully.
Pharmin (now daze) Is pretty much all
theory, and tharetore it amt astonishing that
man kan live in New York and be a good
chancery lawyer, and also kno all about
pharmin.
A pharm (now daze) ov one hundred
akers viii produse more bukwheat and
pumpkins, run on theory, than it would
sixty years ago, run with manure and hard
knoks.
Thare is nothing like book larning, and
the time Will eventually cum, when man
wont hay to hav only one oy Josh Billings
Farmers Allmanax,' to run a pharm, or a
kamp meeting with.
Even now it aint unkomm0n tew SC three,
or four hired men, on a farm, with three, or
four, spans oy oxen, all standing still, while
the boss goes into the library, and reads him
self up for the days Iloughing.
II was running pharm (n0w daze) i
suppose would rather have Sc bushels ov
sum M breed Ov potatoze, raised on theory,
than tuw hav 81 bushels, got in the mean.
benighted' and underhand way ov our late
lamented grand parents.
Pharmin, after all, is a good deal Ike the
tavern bizzness, emmy body thinks they kan
keep hotel, (now daze), and emmy boldly /
thinks they kan pharm it (now daze,) ana |.
mey kan, but this is the way that poor hotels |
cum to be SO plenty, and this is likewise |
what uakes pharnin such eazy and profit |
able hizziuess
just take theory out oy pharmin, and
there amt nothing lett, but hard work, and
all fired lite krops.
When | see So mutch pholks rushing into
theory pharmln, az there is (now daze), and
50 menny oy them rushing out agin. think
oy that remarkable piece ov skriptur, which
remarks, 'menny are called, bat few are
chosen
onst took pharm on shares miself, and |
run her ON some theory, and the thing fg- |
ured up this way / dun all the work, phur- |
nished all the seed, and manure, had the |
asue months ont Of y, for mi share Of the |
profits, and the other phellow paid the |
taxes on the pharm tar his share.
By mutual konsent quit the farm at the
end ov the year.
What know about pharmin aint wuth
Dragging about. and feel it mi duty to
state, for the benefit oy mi kredi,0rs, that if
they ever ezpekt me tew pay cents on a
dollar, they musn I start NE in the theoretI-
kal phaImin employ.
II man really is anxious tew make nun
ny on a pharm, the less theory ne laws the
better, and he must do pretty much all the
work hIsself, and support his family on what
ne kant sell, and 60 ragged enuif all the time
tew hunt bees.
kno Oy menny farmers who are 50 aillikt-
with superstishun taat they wont plant a
single bean only in the last quarter oy the
moon, and kno ov others so pregnant with
science that they wont set a gate post until
they have had the ground analized bi sum
professor Of anatomy, tew see If the earth
haz got the right KIND ov ingredience for
post holes.
This is what call running science into
the ground
The fdkt oy it IL, that theories, of all kinds
work well except in praktiss; they are to
do the work oy praktiss
Ihare amt no theory in braking a mule,
only tew 60 at him with a klub in yure hand
and sum blood in yure eve, and brake him,
Just as You would split log.
hat l know about pharmin aint wuth
mutch emmy how, but undertook to brake
la kicking heifer once.
| read a treatiss on the subekt. and
ph0llowed the directions cluss, and got knokt
endwaze in about minits
then sot down. and thought the thing
over.
made up my mind that the phellop who
wrote the treatise was more in the treatiss
bizznesss than he waz in the kicking helfer
trade
cum tew the konklusion that what he
knu about milking kicking beifers he had
learnt by leaning over barn-yard fence and
writing the thing up.
l got up from my reaekshuns strengthen
ID, aud went for that heiier
Will draw a vail over the language |
'sed, and the things did, but went in to
yin. and ron
That helter never be1um COW.
inns Is one way tew brake kicking heller,
and alter man has studdyed all the books
I eTeashun on the sutjek, and tried them
" ne Will iall back onto mi plan, and make
u, ms lnind, as did, that hiking heifer is
let milk i' iOi '"0Oi0'-
49,, ia' N'iEel On pharm Just long enuff
H,-o s''-' 'hare iz no prayers so good for
80 az manure, and no theory kan
os ogt' t"Sl'e nouns each day (sundaze except
cd oy honest labor applied to tho siIe
am anoid phashioned phellow and hsrti-
y bate most nu things, bekauz bav hin
teat By them 50 often. ''
kever knu pharm that waz v,o,to5
pretty much bi theory, bat what war Ear
sale, or 70 let, IN a fu years and never Inn a
piarm that waz worked bi manure and ~
Gle ~ the good old ignorant wav oy our an
sstors, but what was banded down from,
iSher to son, and alwus waz noted for razin'- ,
De'Eny-armed boys and buxom lasses and
lusoAate potatoze. N''1
Wat kno about pharmin. IL no,b;nr
oat eSeriense, and ex periense (ncw daze7
amt with kuss. -'
..r nag rather hav good looking theory
eE ketp fats with, than the experiense
even Of Aethusler. 'ie''''
ou3 11leIlsse I! il a good thing to lay down
rDa ole wlh, but yu kant do no bizzuess
~,nlt OncS daze; it amt hot enuf.
~ III NE sted hot humbug, and | Kan
meAG most . the experience in this world
ashssed oE isslf. ''' "'-0
'Der Jester-Furgiv me far wat ! av
Hoog sllie Jeste, was the brief but pathet
cepfie OF Buffalo girl, who drowned
ior love Of her 'man,' when his wife
anu anu epdren came 10 him from over the sea
enlesfhe chap is heartless ;es,er 90, 80.
ora I