The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-06-01
HOOKS AND EYES.

Nav a turkey be said to be ghost
when. he's a-gobblinE
Over 200 girls have graduated from
various American colleges this year.
A Kansas man is in Jail for letting a
neighbor's mule follow him.
Whether old age is to be respected
depends very much whether it applies
to men aud women or to poultry.
Eve was the only woman who never
threatened to go live with mamma.
And Adam was the only man who never
tautalized his wife about "the way
mother used to cook"
Mr.. Carver, doing the honors of the
table, said to one OF his guests, a fas h.
ionably dressed girl OF the period, 81
see that you have plenty Of breast,
Miss, but do have little more dress
ing"
Oaths are vulgar, senseless, offensive,
impious; they leave noisome trail upon
the lips, aud a stamp OF odlum upon the
soul. They are iuexcusable. They
crafty no sense, while they outrage
taste and dignity.
"I stand" said a Democratic stump
orator, "on the broad platform of the
principles of '6S, and palsied be mine
arm if [ forsake 'em!" "You stand on
nothing Of the kind!" interrupted little
shoemaker in the crowd, "you stand in
my boots that you never paid me for,
and 1 want the money"
A citizen of New Jersey, being un-
expectedly called upon to address Sun
day School, rose to his feet in some con-
fusion; and after several desperate but
vain efforts to say something appropriate,
hoarsely murmured: "Dear children,
never fool with powder"
The ordinary glyceriuc of commerce
has lately been discovered to effect
rapid and wonderful cures in hopeless
cases of consumption. Two table
spoonfuls are said to be equivalent, in
nutritive properties, to one pound of
bcefsteak. 1t is perfectly harmless,
and may be taken in large quantities
with impnnity.
In the year 1865, if you will take
the trouble to examine, you will find
the dates of the months and days Of the
months and days of the week to CORES
pond exactly with those of the present
year. Those who have diaries of 1865
will find they are of use this year, and
the diaries of 1871 will be Of service
in the same way in 1876.
Our Hinglish bretbern profess to be
greatly shocked at the 'orrid hignorance
hof the n'abitants of Hamerica. 1t is
little comfort therefore to find The
Weeks News, a pretentious London
newspaper speaking of "The Ku-Klux
debate at Philadelphia, in both Houses
of Congress" Even John Bull some
times errs, being human.
An Illinois woman committed suicide
by hanging herself to an apple-tree.
At the funeral, friend noticing the
sad appearance of the husband, con-
soled him by saying that he had met
with a terrible loss. "Yes," says the
husband, heaviug a sigh; "she must
have kicked like thunder to shake off
six bushels Of apples that would have
been worth dollar a bushel when they
got ripe.
A standing antidote for poison by
dew, poison oak, ivy, etc., is to take a
handful of quick lime, dissolve in water,
let it stand half an hour, then paint
the poisoned parts with it. Three or
four applications will never fail to cure
the most aggravated cases. Poison
from bees, hornets, spider bites, &C., is
instantly arrested by the application of
equal parts of common salt and bicar-
Donate of soda, well rubbed in on the
place bitten or stung.
There is an energy in the keeping of
boarding houses in Arkansas quite un-
known in the North. The proprietor
of private hostelry in town of that
State, having heard frequent complaints
from bis boarders about the regular re-
currence of hash, prepared to crush the
rebellious spirit. At the next morning
meal be placed two revolvers beside his
plate, and remarked, "Whoever says he
doesn't like hash lies" He then be-
gan distributing hash, but no man de-
clined it.
IT is interesting to observe the growth
of this country. In ITS Benjamin
Franklin, after removal from his Deputy
Postmaster Generalship by the British
Government for his rebellious spirit,
was appointed chief of the Postal De-
partment by the Colonial Congress and
had the supervision of about so Post
offices in the whole country. There are
now 10000 Postoffices, 1900 mail con-
tractors, and 5000 mail routes-truly
of change.
A NEW and important question has
arisen in the U. S. District Court in
in New York. 1t has been
found in majority of instances no ac-
count has been rendered of the sums
paid by baukrupts to their lawyers; and
as all the assets OF bankrupt belong to
his creditors, it is claimed that bank
rupt has no right to fee counsel with
any of the proceeds of his estate, and
that counsel in receiving such fees in.
take the place of debtors,
and NAV he sued. The court. il is said.