Litchfield enquirer., 1871-12-21
cLlPPlMos.


 Meet for repentance beef.
 The fastest city in the world-electri- city.
 A willing mind-the generous testator's.
 In cards and in business square dealing is advisable.
 How to overcome your sorrows-Strike one of your sighs.
 Why is baby cutting it's ''incisors" like teapot? Because it's tea-thing
 It is singular fact that the grave part in Hamlet is an excessively numerous part.s
 How is it demonstrated that Alexis has B wandering disposition? Why isn't he always Ronaon-of? When corn is converted into whiskey, it must become the ''giddy maze" we hear of
 Mercy and Truth meeting together Bergh and Barnum at the Rink menage- rie last Friday.
 The utility of Faber's talking machine may be questioned, but as curiosity it speaks for it self.
 It is stated in mitigation of Fiji canni- balism that only boys from twelve to four teen years old are eaten. Sunday journals are discussing the question: 'tCan we cultivate rain ?" Doubtful but we can ''raise thunder" Trifes light as air, in the shape of hand kerchiefs, are offered at from fifty to five hundred dollars each in New York. Men who expected places in the Custom House complain that General Arthur does not turn out as well as they expected There is an unreasonable amount of en- thusiasm over the Grand Dukes 'sphys- ique' which, after all, is matter of form. At Hartford man came rushing into the Times office, and enquired, 'FWhat old Catechism is it that travels with the Grand Duke?"
 Envious Danburians claim that Bethel has discarded from it's schools the old at- lases which depicted the Shepaug road running to Danbury. M
 Alexis has been on the move So constant ly in this country that almost his only opportunity to sit down has been when he sat for his photograph.
 A Louisiana engineer was acquitted of neglect in running ever a man, because s'the grass on the track grew so high as to obscure the person" isf
 A little four-year old being asked by his mother if he would not like to have wings and be an angel, replied, "N0, ma; I'd rather be hawk and live on chicken"
 A wag observing on the door of house the names of two physicians. remarked l,o% hi in nd .4 reled gun; if one missed, the other would be sure to kill @
 A drunken Scotchmah, returning from fair, fell asleep by the roadside, when a pig found him and began licking his face. Sawney roared: ssWha's kissing me moo? Ye see what it is to be. wee1 liked amang the lasses. :"
 A French authoress says "A kiss gives more pleasure than any thing else in the world.n To this an editor responds, saThat writer evidently never experienced the childish rapture of descending the stairs by sliding down the banisters."
 During the past year twelve fountaina. some of which are very ornamental. have been erected in various sections of PhiIa- delphia, while the total number number erected by the fountain society since it's organization is forty-two.
 As e man employed on the Northwest ern railroad was springing from the cara at Boone, Ia., recently, a heavy gold ring worn upon the little finger, caught on a nail head, and in an instant was seuarnted from the hand by taking the finger with it.
 The New York Correspondent of Boa ton journal is authority for the statement that A. T. Stewart intends to leave hia entire fortune, estimated at from 95O. .OOO.. GOO to $70, ,000, 900, to public and private charities and that he recently made will to that effect. A cleanly-shayed gentleman inquired of fair demoiselle, the other day, ssWheth- CT or no she admired mustaches. !" ssOh. ss, replied the charmer, with arch look. ssT invariably setmy face against them" Verv shortly afterwards his upper lin betrayed symptoms of careful cultivation. The teacher was reading to her acholara the other day, an account of serious fire which had been caused, it was believed. by defective hue. When she had fn- ished the article she turned to the scol- . ars and asked. s'Can any one tell me what is defective Hue ?" A little hand went up promptly. "Well, master Jones'' said the pleasant tutor, 'swhat ia defect 1 i've fueY 'sCatarrh. man" shouted the boy. Danbusy Neaos
 One of the skating party on Colonels pond, Saturday night, was an invalid al- I together too drunk for the condition Of | the ice. At every effort to display his skill he went down. Recovering himself from an unusually sevefe fall he turned on a fat individual who was evolating back of him, and suddenly enquired, ssIs this your pond, old lard?" "Why, Inc" !" said the fat gentleman, somewhat l startled by the question. 'Whas m thunaer do you mean then, said the sud sI denlv exasperated victims s.by jerking tne \ ics out from under me. "--D Daabssfv Netgs'