The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-05-18
WIT. AND sisuMOR.

for three or four dollars ?
A shrill old lady in Memphis,
whenever she loses her scissors, rouses
the family with, "Where's them shears
toY
"A minister not long ago preached
rlom the tcxt "Be ye therefore stead
fast" but the printer maLe him ex-
pound from '"Be ye there for break
Iastw
--A mile or two from town pedes-
trian met boy on horseback, crying
with cold. "Why don't you get down
and lead him2 That's the way to
keep worm" "No," said the boy;
dts q BIB borrowed horse, and I'll ride
him if freeze"
"A spirited girl observes, that to
her mind, the women who want female
suffrage because it will cause division
in families, must be precious meek
lot. A woman of any pluck can pick
quarrel with her husband without
waiting to split on votes.
The head OF Vermont railroad
shop was applied to for permission to
work on Fast Day by a couple OF
meu who were noted for their lazincss.
Permission vas given, "for," said the
chief, "you cah't either of you work
hard enough to break the day"
"A thcla-headcd squire, being
worstcd by Sidney Smith in al argu-
meit, took his revenge by eXclaiming:
sJf had son who was an idiot, by
Jove, I'd make him parson.' "Very
probable" replied Sydney, "hut l see
that your father was of different
mind"
--eThat man," said wag, "came to
Nashua forty years ago, purchased a
basket, and commenced gathering
rags. How much do you suppose he
is worth now?' 1t was q conundrum
we could not answer. "Nothing," he
continued, after pause, "and he owes
for the basket
"A lady promised to give her maid
twenty-five dollars as u marriage por-
ton. The girl got married to man
Of low stature, and her mistress on
seeing him was surprised, and said.
'Well, Mary, what a little husband
you have got" La" exclaimed the
gill, "what could you expect for twen-
ty-Gvo dollars p
-"Will you take this woman to be
your wife? 7" "Well, Squire was the
reply, "you must be a green 'un to ak
me such question as that. Do you
suppose that I'd be such plaguey fool
as to 90 to the bar hunt and take this
gal to the quilting frolic if | Want
sartn and determined to have her? ?
Drive on with your business"
-"Martha, my dear" said q loving
;, husband to his spouse, who was sevc-
ral years his junior, "what Go you say
to moving to the Far West?" ooh,
l am delighted with the idea! You
recollect when Mr. Morgan moved out
there he was as poor as we are and
in three years he died, leaving his
widow worth hundred thousand dol
lars"
--"Why do you oppose .he giving
of the ballot to women y asked lady
the other evening of a confirmed bach.
elor. "Excuse me, madam" replied
he, ''but l have not sufficient conf
dcnce in their capacity to conduct
Government affairs 'What evidence
of their mental inferiority to mankind
can you adduce?' Queried the lady.
"a simple fact is enough to satisfy my
mind, and that is the frightful way in
which they DO put up their back hair"
The Helena Ark } Gazette tells a
story of young man of that city who
spent few months in St. Louis last
winter. 1t says that one cold day he
walked into the Southern Hotel, and
looking in vain for stove, asked the
clerk if there was no place where he
could warm himself. The clerk,
smiling urbanely, escorted the Colonel
to register, and told him to stand on
the CRATE and he could soon get warm.
The Colonel was much pleased. Later
in the day, while peranbulating the
city, becoming rather chilly, he esped
u coal-grate in the sidewalk. Here, he
thought, was another ''heater," and he
would improve the opportunity by
warming his feet. A few minutes later
Il passer-by heard him calculate
"These things may do very well for a
hotel, but they amt worth d-n to
warm CITY,"
There is part. Of the world lin
Central Asia, where marriages are
made on horseback. A day is set