The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1871-04-20

Tom Poulton; I advertised for him.
He i wretchedly poor, and he lives
all by himself in Clump Cottages,
HarverstOck HILL"
"What-"
"WelI, he can't live three weeks,
and I've taken lodgings il! his house. -
"Still I don't see
"YOu're very dull. He can't live
three weeks-that Is to say, I'm three
weeks he'll die and he'll be buried.
The Family must hear Of it through
yOu, they will all come to the funeral,
aud I'll turn up among Them
"But if you'd die, and don't repay
them their money they have subscrib-
ed to the fund, don't think they'll
come to the funeral"
''Yes, I've arranged about that. I'll
make my will, leaving everything
have to be equally divided among
them. The will must be opened by
you Immediately after my demise.
I I'll appoint you executor, and III
I leave you-TIl leave you a hundred
/ pounds for your trouble"
"Thank yOu-thank you heartily
"Spend it judieiously, Richard
Wien you get IL
1 DIED-On the 18th of November, at
g Clump Cottages, HaverstOck Hill,
I Thomas Poulton, Esq, Of the Inner
Temple, Barrister at Law.
The Serious Family were very an
cry at Tom POulton's death. He had
pOcketed nearly thousand pounds Of
their money, and out of this sum they
had counted on borrowing two thou
sand at Christmas. But by their
chairman's and treasurer's demise,
not only was there no prospect of ef-
fecting the contemplated loan, but it
became a very serious question wheth-
er they would ever see any Of the paid
up capital again. It wasvOted abOm-
Unable on Tom POultOn's part to die at
such a crisis, and nobody expressed
any intention of going to his funeral.
However, Mr.. Dick Harris completely
justified Tom PoultOn's dying by pro-
ducing his will at the next meeting;
the will left everything that POulton
possessed to the society, to be divid-
ed equally among its members, and
as Tom POultOn bad three or four hun
dred year from property, every one
expressed his intention of going TO the
funeral.
The funeral was plain, not to say
meager, in its appointments; but no
doubt Dick Harris, as executor, did
not feel justified in putting the Serious
Family to any unnecessary expense.
It was voted thoughtful in Dick Har-
ris, and never did any body of men
feel more thoroughly convinced of the
vanity of funeral pOmp than did the
members of the Serious Family as
they stood round poor Tom POulton's
grave.
But between the demise and burial
of Tom Poulton, who actually did die
Mr.. Dick Harris has made an impOr-
tant discovery.
The Tom POultOn who did die turn
ed out to be an extraordinarily veal
thy miser. His mattress was stuffed
with bank-nOtes and so was his easy
chair, and under the boards of his
room was gold to the amount of eight
or nine thousand pounds. Moreover,
he appeared to have died intestate; at
all events, the only will that was
found was the viii made in favor of
the Serious family by the Tom Poul- |
ton who did not die. In the absence
of any other testamentary document
applying to the property of the Tom
POulton who did die, Mr.. Dick Harris 7,
had no alternative but to apply to it 1
the stestamentary document drawn /.
up and signed by the Tom POulton 4
who did not die. i will not attempt I
to describe how the grief of the Ser |
iOus Family for the loss of Tom Poul- 4
ton was tempered by the rapture with I
which they learned that his estate was /
worth altogether some thirty or forty /
thousand pounds.
The day of Tom Poulton's funeral I
was bitter cold one. A drizzling
mist shrouded one half of /
of the funeral party from the other
half, and ali were dTenched to the
skin. There had been much mOraliZ-
ing among the mourLers on the good 4
qualities of poor Tom POulton, on the
eccentric taste which induced him to
hoard away so much good money, and
the rreparable-almost iTreperable -
loss that his death would cause TO the
family. As they stood around poor
Tom POulton's grave, discOursing sad
lened whispers to this effect, they
were naturally rather surprised to find
poor Tom POultOn standing among
them, his ewes red with weeping and
general appearance carefully cOntriv-
ed to convey the idea that his grief at
his own death was unbounded. 1t was
natural enough that he should be sor-
" of his own death; the only unac-
feature in the matter was
lis being present as a live mogTner
1t his own funeral. This considera-
lion appealed powerfully to Mr.. Peter
the member of the Serious
Family NhO first became conscious of
Mr.. ToTh POu!ton's presence among
them.
At first Mr.. Peter Hodgson was not
1T all surprised. Mr.. Tom POultOn
was so thoroughly identified with all
of the Serious Family,
with all funerals of de-
ceased members for it was a point of
honor with the family to muster in
iull strengthen all such OccasiOns), l.
hat Mr.. Peter HodgsOn accepted his
presence almost as matter of course.
His attention, however, was directed
% the anomaly by Tom PoultOn's first
"Whose funeral is this?'' said Tom.
Peter turned dead white.
"Why it's-it's yours, TOm," said
Peter.
"Mine ?p
eyes, Tom-yOurs.
"This is scarcely a place or time for
/ joke, sir" said Tom sternly.
"JOke ~ said Peter, otis no joke (
Didn't you die last week ?r
81 ? Nonsense ~
"Well, anyway, we're burying you,
Tom Poulton ~
"Why do you call me Tom POul-
on ." s
AREN'T you Tom Poulton ?"
Certainly not-I don't even know
he name-I happened to be passing I
through the cemetery, and seeing |
arge crowd of mourners, I joined
hem from motives of mere curOsity." s
"Then, sir" said Peter HOdgsOn, AZ
lever saw such d wonderful likeness
# the very man we are burying in the
whole course of my life ~
Tom Olidpd u1vstnriOuSIv away from .