Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1871-10-21
CHOOSING HUSBANDS.
One Woman's Experimentation
Ing Reading for Young Ladies'.

CHOOSING HUSBANDS.
One WOman's Experfence-Intere
Ing Reading for Young Ladies'.
From the Baltimore sun.l
"When a girl marries, why do people
talk Of her choice2 In ninety-nine cases
out Of hundred, has she any choice
Does not the man probably the last she
would have chosen) select herY
A very clever correspondent has sent
us letter containing this query and
she makes out her case ably. She says;
II have been married many years; the
match was considered very good one,
suitable in every respect-age, position
and fortune Every one said j had
made choice. Why, my dear Mr.. Ed
itor, loved my husband when | married
him because he had by unwearied ASST
duty succeeded in gaining my affections;
but had choice been my privilege | GER
look at him in his easy chair a huge
dog at his feet, pipe peeping out of one
Of the many pockets Of his shooting
coat, | can but think how different he is
from what | would have chosen. My
first penchant was for a fashionable
clergyman, a perfect Adonis; he was
fatterer, and he cared but little for me,
though have not yet forgotten the pang
Of his desertion. Ny next was barris-
ter; young man of talent, smooth, in
sinuating manners; but he, too, after
talking, walking, dancing and flirting,
left me in the lurch. Either of these
would have been my choice had so
chosen; but my present husband chose
me, and therefore ! married him; and
this cannot help thinking must be the
way with half the married folks OF my
acquaintance"
There is both sound sense and truth in
this; but is it not better that men should
choose than they should be chosen2 And
is not our correspondent probably much
happier with her present husband, shoot
ing jacket, pipe and dog inclusive, than
she would have been with either the
fashionable clergyman or the clever bar
rister2 Men are proverbially inconstant,
and after marriage, when the trouble and
inconvenience Of chileren are beginning
to be felt and when (most trying time
of all) the wife begins to neglect her
husband for her children, unless there
was originally very strong attachment
on the husbands side, there is little
chance of happiness. A wife affection,
on the contrary, always increases after
marriage; and even If she were indifer- |
ent before, no welldisposed woman can
help loving the father of her children
Children, on her side, are a bond of |
union, and though she may appear, for |
them, to neglect some of those little at |
tentions which meH seem naturally to |
expect, it is only because the child is |
more helpless being of the two, and the |
true woman always takes the side of
those who are most feeble.
1t is strange but melancholy fact
that when young girls fancy themselves
in love, they are seldom if ever happy if |
they marry the object of their choice. |
The fact is, in the most cases, they find |
the husband they have chosen quite
different person as an individual from |
the imaginary object he had appeared as
n lover. The Imagination in most girls !
is stronger than the judgment; and as
soon as the first idea Of love is awaken
ed in female heart, the Imagination is
set to work to fancy lover, and all pos
sible and impossible perfections are as
sembled together in the young girls
mind to endow the object Of her secret
idolitary The first man whose appear
ance and manners attract girl on her
entrance into society is generally invest |
ed by her with the halo of these secret |
thoughts, and she fancies herself vio-
lently in love without the least real |
knowledge of the man she supposes her |
self in love with. No wonder then, that
if she marries she is miserable. The !
object Of her love has vanished, never
to return; and she finds herself chained !
for life to man she detests, because |
she fancies she has been deceived in
him.
On the other hand the man who, with |
very pardonable vanity, fancied himself
loved for his own merits and who was
perfectly unconscious of the secret delu-
sions of the girl, becomes, when he finds
her changed after marriage, quite indig- |
nant at her caprice The friends aud |
relations on both sides share in the same
feelings" what would she have2" they
cry" she married for love, and see the
consequence"
The consequences are, indeed, in such
cases, generally sad enough. When the
first delusion is dssipated, and the
truth, in all its hard and stern reality,
comes forth from the veil that has been
thrown around it, both parties feel in
dignant at the false position in which
they find themselves. Mutual rScrimi-
nations take place. each accusing the
other Of deceit and ingratitude, while
the apparent injustice Of these accusa-
tions, which is felt by each party alter
nately, first wounds the feelings, and
then, if repeated, rankles in the wound
until IL becomes incurable.