The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-01-31

49, .hiS HlI HlHl Win Jne manner
he hollers."
@a5> 1t is no sign because man
makes stir in community, that he is
spoon.
Ra5- Why is drunkard hesitating to
sign the pledge like a skeptical Hindoo?
Because he is in doubt whether to give
up the worship of the jug or not.
Hay- Boy" said Uncle Testy, "what
arc you hollering for when 90 by 2"
" What are you going by for when
am hollering p returned the boy.
B@" Stiggons, the new married man,
says his wife is a perfect rose The only
drawback in his happines is that she blows
out " leetle" too often.
Bsi5' At late revival meeting, an i'm
pulsiye young convert prayed that God
would bless the two young ladies' between
whom he had been sitting" especially
the one on the right"
SsJ- Come, Bill, it's ten o'clock; 7
thlnk we had better be going, for it's
time honest folks were at home" "Well,
yes," was the reply; " l must be off, but
you needn't 60 on that account"
lsS" An lrishman on board a vessel
when she was on the point of laundering
being desired to come on deck, as she was
going down, replied that he had no wish
to i" see himself drowned"
Bs5" Is it true that there is poetical
inspiration in tea, coffee and such mild
stimulants 2" Certainly it is. There is
the case of Edgar A. Poe, for instance.
A little ct" would have made Edgar A.
Poet
Bay 6 DO you ever take anythingp
asked Sharp of Snozzles. "Never, sir,
except when I'm unwell, and then my
weakness is cognac. just now I'm troub-
led with hollowness, and don't care if [
do"
neg'- 1t is a pleasant thing to reflect
upon," says Dickens, "and furnishes
complete answer to those who contend
for the gradual degeneration of the hu-
man species, that every baby born in the
world is finer one than the last"
ReS~ A Milesian, born on the last day
of the year, felicitates himself on his mar
row escape from not being born at all.
" BE jabers," says he, "and if it had been
the next day, what would have become Of
me Z"
Bsg" Never trust secret with a mar
ried man who loves his wife, for he will
tell her and she will tell her Aunt Han
nah, and Aunt Hannah will impart it to
her favorite preacher, and then the
whole female sisterhood will be treated to
it in broken doses for the next six
months.
Dag~ A little girl being sent to the store
to purchase some dyestuff, and forgetting
the name of the article, said to the clerk,
" John, what do folks dye with ?" " Die
with ? Why cholera, sometimes" replied
John. Well, believe that's the name
/ want three cents worth"
ks6~ A clergyman, reading chapter
in the Bible for his congregation, found
himself at the bottom of the page with
the words" And the Lord gave Noah a
wife j then turning over two pages in
stead of one, he continued and he pitch
ed her within and without with pitch"
beg> A Michigan bridegroom failed to
appear at the appointed time, but sent
note, saying that he didn't feel well
enough acquainted with her to marry.
Her father went and gave him formal
introduction with his boot, and the per-
formance went right on.
SGSn' A down east paper says that per-
suasive and humbugging agents are about
in that region selling lightning rods. One
old lady told an agent that she had no fear
of lightning, but she had always been
afraid Of thunder. "Just so" he replied,
" we can meet your case exactly. The
square rods are lightning rods, and the
round ones thunder rods"
Bag~ What's that" asked Mrs. Parting
ton, looking up at the column of tho
Place Vendome during her late visit to
Paris.
"The pillar of Napoleon" she was an
swered.
" Well, ] never didw she exclaimed
" and that's his pillow-he was great
man to use that But it's more like
bolster, And it's made of iron l do
believe All Isaac see what it is to be
great. How hard his head must have
rested on his ironical pillow