Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1871-07-13
HUMOROUS,

managed to get married, IN spite or hk
protests. He came up with her just II
time TO give her his blessing, though hi'
phraseoiogy was e eexeeptionable.
An old gentleman having had the bill
of fare passed him by a waiter at dinner.
and evidently slaboring under the idea
that somebody was passing circus bills,
told the waiter he s"would read it after
dinner" He had hard time selecting
M ms eislies' sl q asiss szsog zig 9s5 I39 I
In an Ohio school celebration, the
superintendent announced the titIe of a
song as s'Riding the Elephant Home.'
When the audience, found that it was
Write me a Letter from Home," be
thought it prudent to disappear. ssy5
.sssDon't You think my son resembles
me 2, asked AN apotheeary, as he intro
duced his greasy-faced buy to the witty
Dr. II. HYes,'' replied the doctor, pre-
tending to scan the physiognomy OF
each :7t. 7 es, Il think / see your Iiniments
in his countenanee- ozzs9 oa 5z-,y
zg.A, ayoung acountrynIa1l, shopping III
Lawrence, Mass, on Saturday, stole a
ride on the. sprinklero OF the watering
cart. The driver pulled thevalve leayer
and the coaptrynlan rose about three
feet INTO the air. coming down wetter,
put wiser. zl-JnlEsa yifss9 sE5@ SKIS
An excellent old gentleman declines to
be swindledyby the Ponpefian antique
bronzes. 81 fEDon'tsteH me- sir, don't tell
me you can'tmake me believe that they
dig up ready made pots out of the
ground. xStuf and nonsense!'sgl ont
Is That funny fellow Billings says 'sGood
Whistlers are getting putty skarse; sew
enty-ffve years ago they were plenty, but
the desire 1tew git rich-or tew hold offs
has t1ke all the quicker out of this hon
est and cheerful amuzement.n sa-is .gaj q
A foot race took place at Cincinnati
one day las.7 week, which was par-
tiripated in by some three thousand citi-
zens. They all came out ahead of the
lunatie who was after them with a caIsv-i
ing knife. sSSome men syvi1os shave NOT
Travelled faster than walk ferey ears are
said to have beaten the time, of that Cali
lornia morse. vtrGE 3{tETyoaE=Sl ohS ! D."
y The bthera daya little shaver was 1ex
patiating on the injurious efftcts of 80
bacco. Said he: % t'sPhe oil 5of tobacco is
so poisonous that a. single dropon dogs
tail will Kill a man in "a minutes'i Tic
boy got things slightly ] mixed fxs, o1
Rev. Dr., r!Baines,s ,sof sScituate, was an
eccentric but earnest man :, Being cane'
to ofReiate at the funeral 1oI woinaIF
Whusezsoles mouEner NpasSan n Adopted SON
he began his .extempouneous3I prayer
with: ''Strange kind of fnueral tfis;;'
Lord; very strangeh No father, n,
mother, no brother, no ssisterf There's
a young man (suiting the action EtO the
l,e w,ora' 'f that at eqtfssj ler smlether,itsg gbs
A lady from the city, stopping with a.
farmer in this vicinity, ,very earnestly i'm
CURED of her host one morning CONCERN
ing his bees, Tenfarkfng that he hatf
many hives. The farmer being minus
that article, informed Miss - u ito that,
effect. But she Insisted that he was in
error, and volunteered to show them o.
him, and on going ont pointed the WON
derlng rurallte to hiss numerous hay
being somewhat the sshape,5
out little larger tharNthe olden-time
beehive, which we have an Seen repre-
sented in the spelling ooksa 7ssss7 ed
TUE FIVE TESTS OF FR1ENaDs i ni sHiiP.A / Il
l-Lend your friend a good ttiinbfella,
and live to see it back agaln. . z:ssH 4
2.-Invite him to your, club and treat
him to cold mutton, and find that he for
gives you.z523 .a7rfi 11S - 10 e>ss-AA | al
. 3.-Ask him to post a letter, and learn
within week that heshas actually done
50. So. ,:,...g al reaEfef7yuEaVR zfi a
without rhff1ing his temper, sd
:5.-Tread upon his equity toe, and see
him smiling a6 your clumsihess.i <sAaH
> ;"I A'INr DExb YEr.' .'AThe- temporary Dor
Inconyenianeefreqa qaentIy xperienced BY
gentlemen who give themselves up to tht
enjoyment of a fayorite ,beyerage,says al
writer for the "Drawer'' in .Harper's foIl
june, was recently illustrated in Stewar,s
Tennessee, where a. proSpetotls
old farmer named Rumfeldt had a habit
oi attending regularly the county courI,
at Dover, buJwho seldom turned his face
homeward until heshad swallowed more
whisky than his skin could well hold OF
MS legs could conveniently. carry. On
)ne OCCASION he got ON his level early,
and about the middle of a hot July after-
noon started for home. He had not gon'
ar, however, when he was seized witlri
desire to take a nap
He dismOunted from. his horse, tnrne. 4
lim loose to Craze, and rolled himself
nto fence corner. He was sleeping
very sweetly when he was .espied by al
which was sailing about the \
1ieinity shnnting.- for something to eat |
Smaller, and, smaller grew, his circles. |
taking observations. AT last |
put still in doubt, the bird lit on the |
ground near its expected least. ~ About |
MS time humIeluC became aware That
wrong was gong on, and he |
opened, one eye and saw the |
but still, too drunk to take any |
lctive measures to drive it away He, |
however, kept a close watch. Tie buzz
lard strutted around lfInl, all the tifne
Rumfeldt closely and eau
iously, to ascertain positively that he /
vas dead. He finally became satisfied |
hat the corpus before him was indeed "a
;orpse, and consequently this meat;'
yhereupon he advanced deliberately toll
head, and gave him seYereI
beck in the face. This aroused Rumfeldt,
md striking out lazily with his hand 10
prevent. repetition of the attack, he eX-
ere; you're a l-e-e-tle too
mdrt-I G'int4dedd get" rr.
How THEY BEAT IT.-An apparatus
las been applied TO a few of the cars ON
he Bleeker street line, New York, by
which each passenger is registered as he
T she enters. 4 reporter of one of the
dailies has interviewed
onductor, and records the same thusly:
WHAT'S the matter with that step ?''
sked the reporter as he boarded car.
Conductor-"You see the step bobs
own when it's stepped on, and. some
ort of queer arrangement connects
With that ere box in the corner and dots