The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-03-26

u
"Pa, hadn't better be mendedf"
"You cruel man." exclaimed Mrs. Jones.
"My tears have no effect on you at ALL"
"Well, drop them, my DEAR" said Jones.
A veteran shopkeeper says that although
his clerks are very talkative during the
|3ay, they are always ready to shut up at
A Western editor has placed over his
marriage announcements a cut representing
large trap, sprung, with the following
motto The trap down! Another ninny
caught J" -r4.sp
An old gentleman was mailing up goods
box. A bad boy stole up behind and thrust
a pin into the old gentleman's pants. The
old gentleman quickly turned around.
Hero the hammer fell. 81 ~
A small trader was lately invited to q
parish dinner, and a dish Of ice cream was
placed before him. He tasted it, then
beckoned to the waiter, and said, audibly,
know it's froze."
"Well,, said Douglas Jerrold to the col
lector of fund in behalf of a suffering
friend, chow much does - want this
time" "Why, just four and two naughts
will, I think, put him straight" the bearer
of the hat replied. "Well," said Jerrold,
put me down for one of the naughts."
"Who is that lovely girl I" exclaimed
friend. Counselor Granarty. Miss Glass;"
replied the barrister. " Glass ~ reiterated
the facetious Judge, "by the love of man
to woman, should often be intoxicated
could place such glass to my lips!"
A celebrated Professor, thinking to per-
plex an unfortunate pupil, one day put him
the following question, Pray, Sir, can you
brains Z" To which the pupil, looking up
in the face Of the interrogator, promptly,
but unexpectedly, responded, GLOW old
may you be yourself, professor Z" ae.
Sambo lost dog, the tail of which he
finally found and recognized lying in the
street in front of sausage shop, upon
which the darkey exclaimed, as lie pointed
to certain we'll filled skins hanging in the
window, while he held up Carlos tail, 81
won't say muffin agin dat sassige-shop. but
know where my dog is"
A Scottish clergyman, happening to so
into the churchyard while the. sexton was
employed, neck-deep, in digging grave,
a work you're employed in we'll calculated
to make an old man like you thoughtful:
I wonder you don't repent your evil ways"
The old worthy, resting on the top OF his
spade, and taking pinch OF snuff, replied,
~ thought, sir, ye Ken there was nae re-
pentance in the grave. .-a. 10,
Slightly sarcastic was the clergyman who
pansed and addressed q man coming into
church after the sermon had begun with
the remark, "Glad to see you, sir; come
in !. always glad to see those here late who
can't come early" And decidedly self
possessed was the man thus addressed in
the presence of an astonished congregation,
as lie responded, Thank you; would you
favor me with the text" -
On the Leger, Mt the Theatre Royal, Don
caster, in 1868, some foolish person played
q practical Joke, which was rather cruel,
although exceedingly funny. just after
Fred Oliver had sung his comic song, and
the curtain had risen for the last piece,
nearly every one in the theatre-actors,
audience and musicians-began sneezing
and caughing. The cause was soon dis
covered. some one had dropped Cayenne
pepper about the house. The manager
came forward and offered ten pounds re-
ward for the offender, but he Was never
found out.
= A lady was engaging a cook. Sally"
she said "your references are quite salts
factory; but there is one point must mem
ton, allow no followers. My last cook
was discharged because she was always en-
PERTAINING her sweethearts in the kitchen"
40 no, ma'am,g you needn't be- afraid Of
that. I never had o sweetheart, and done
want one" A day or two litter the
a strong smell Of a pipe. Pushing her TO-
vestigations, she opened closet, and in it
stood young fellow, six feet high, and
looking very .sleepish. What does this
mean, Sally7 Who is this man Z" !" In
deed L don't know, Inaan-I never saw
him before. % yes; I suspect he was left
there by your last cook"
civilian Look-tell us, William who
made you 9" William, who was considered
q fool, screwed MP his face and looked
thoughtful and somewhat bewildered, and
finally replied G spo'ed
the court. "The witness says he supposes
Moses made him that is a more Intelligent
answer than thought him capable of Civ
ing, for it shows that he has some faint
idea of Scripture: submit that it is not
sufficient to entitle hia to be sworn as
witness capable of giving evidence" "Mr.
Judge," said the fool, "may az the lawyer
a question:" Certainly" said the judge.
"Well, then, Mr.. Lawyer, who dye s'pose
made you 81 "Aaron, s'pose, !" said Coun
selor Gray, initiating the witness. After
the mirth had somewhat subsidized, the wit
ness drawled out, Wall, now, we do read
in the book that Aaron once made . calf,