Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1871-05-11
Teaching Cows Latin.

ONCE taught my cows Latin. I don't
mean that taught them to read it, for it
is very difficult to teach COW to read
Latin or any of the dead languages-a COW
cares more for her cud than she does for
all the classics put together. But If you
| begin early you can teach COW, or calf
| Qf you can teach a calf anything, which /
doubt, Latin as well as English. There
were ten cows which had to escort to
and from pasture night and morning To
these cows gave the names of the Roman
numerals, beginning with Unus and Duo,
and going up to Decem. Decem was, of
course, the biggest COW of the party, or at
least she was the ruler of the others, and
had the place of honor in the stables and
everywhere else. ! admire COWS, and es-
| pecially the exactness with which they de-
| fine their social position. In this case,
Decem could click" Novem, and Novem
could click" Octo, and SO on down to
Unus, who couldn't lick anybody, but
her own calf. suppose ought to have
called the weakest COW Una instead Of
Unus, considering her sex ; but didn't care
much TO teach the cows the declensions Of
adjectives, in which | was not very well
up myself; and, besides, it would be Of
little use TO cow. People who devote
themselves too severely to the study Of the
classics are apt 10 become dried up; and
you should never do anything to dry up
COW. Well, these ten cows knew their
names after while, a least they appeared
to, and would take their places as called
them. AT least if Octo attempted to get
before Novem in going through the bars
(I have heard people speak of "pair Of
bars" when there were six or eight Of
them), or into the stable, the mat
ter Of precedence was settled then
and there, and once settled there
was no dispute about 1t afterward.
Novem either put her horns into
Octo's ribs, and Octo shambled to one side,
or else the two locked horns and tried the
game of push and gore, until one gave up.
Nothing is stricter than the etiquette of
party of cows There is nothing in royal
courts equal TO 1t; rank is exactly settled,
and the same individuals always have tho
precedence. You know that ut Windsor
Castle, IL the royal three-ply silk stick
should happen to get in front Of the most
the court Is going into dinner, something
80 dreadful would happen that we don't
dare to think Of it. 1t Is certain that tho
soup would get cold while the golden rod
was pitching the silver stick out Of tho
castle window into the moat. and perhaps
the island of Great Britain itself would
split In two. But the people are very
careful that 1t never shall happen, so We
shall probably never know what the effect
would be. Among cows, as l say, tho
question Is settled in short order, and In .
different manner from what it sometimes
is in other society. 1t Is said that in other
society there is sometimes a great scramble
for the first place for the leadership, as It
is called, and that women, and men too,
fight for what Is called position; and in
order to be first they will injure their
neighbors by telling stories about them
and by backbiting, which is the meanest
kind Of biting there is, not excepting tho
bite of feas. But in cow society there Ia
nothing Of this detraction In order to
secure the first place at the crib, or the
further stall in the stable. If the ques-
ton arises, the cows turn in, horns and all,
and settle 1t with one square fight, and
that ends IT, have often admired this
trait In cows.--Ctar1e, ID. WarNer, in Work.
and Plan.