Mower County transcript., 1871-07-20
Oats.
RY JOSH KILLINGS.

OATS are ~ singular grain, perhaps l
should say plural, bckauzo tharc iz more
| than one Ov them.
They gro on the top ov straw, about
two foot, land onc.quartcr inches hi, and
the straw iZ hollcr
! This straw iz interesting for its suck
shun.
Short pieces ov it, about 8 inches, or so,
dipt into the buZzum ov sherry cobblcr,
will suckshun up the entire Cubblcr in 1
minnitts, bi the watch
| never hav tried this, but kno lots oy
young, and reliable men, who stand around
ready to prove this, if sum boldly will
fetch on tho cobblcr.
This suckshun IL set to be dcd sure
thing.
Oats gro on the summit ov sum straw,
aud arc sharp ut both ends.
They resemble shu pegs in looks, and
build, and it iz sed, arc often mistaken for
them by near, sighted hosscs and shuma-
kers.
don't intend this remark NJ any dcroca.
tiveness to shumakers in the lump, for
have often sed, in mi inspired moments,
If couldn't be shumaker, would like
to be Il good lawyer.
| Oats are aphuny grain, quarts ov them
will make even stage hoss latf, and when
stage hoss laffs, you may know he is
tickled somewhere.
This IL the natur Ov oats az a beverage,
they amuze the stummuck ov the hOss
with their sharp ends, and then the hoss
latfs
hav never saw hoss laff, but hav
heard that it could be did.
Thare IL a CRATE menny folks, ov good
moral karakter, who wont believe emmy
thing unless they kan sec it, theze kind ov
folk are always tho eazycst to cheat
They wont belcave rattle snaiks blight
IL pizon until they tri it; this kind ov in
fOrmashun alwus kosts more than it il ak
tually worth.
1t IL middling wizc man who profits
bl hiz own experience, but it IL good
deal wizer one, who let's the rattlesnaik
blight the other phellOw.
The Goddess Ov korn iz also the God
dess ov oats, and barley, and buckwheat.
Her name iz Series, she il a astrological
woman, and like mcnny wimmen now a
daze, she IL hard to lOkate.
TheZc anthology men, and wimmen,
deal Of Icing don't hurt the sense, but
when you come right down to korn in the
car, or oats in the bundle, all the gods and
goddesscs in the world, kant warrant a
good crop.
II takes labor to raize oats, and thrash
them out, but Ov all the lazy Cusses that
hav pcstered the earth, since Adam was a
boy, the gods, and the goddesscs, hav al
ways been too lazy to SWEET
Emmy being who haint never swet, don't
kno what he is worth.
I would like to see a whole parcel ov
theze gods, and goddesses, in u harvest
field, reaping lodged oats, in the month of
August; they couldn't earn their pepper
sass.
Oats are sold bi weight or mezzurc, and
are seldum (or perhaps i may say in conf
dence ncver) sold by count.
Eggs, and money, are counted out, but
oats never.
1t would be we'll for nu beginners to re-
member this, it would save them a good
deal of time on every hundred bushels ov
oats.
Time IL said tew be the same az money,
if this il positively 50, Methuseler died
ritch.
Methuscler was exackly 900 years old
when he died, now multipi, this bi 365,
which would only be allowing him a dol
lar day for hiz time, and yu will find Just
what he wa1 worth.
Oats are worth from 40 to rs cents a
bushcl, ackording tcw their price, and aint
good for mulch, only tew tickle hoss.
They will choke goose to deth quicker
than paper ov pins, and ennything that
will choke goose to deth ii mean on the
internal side ov their thrut) iz, to say the
least ov it, very skarsc.
Speaking ov goose, hav found out at
last what makes them 50 tuff, it IL staying
out SO mutch in the cold.
! found this out all alone by miself.
Oats are a very easy krop tew raize.
All yu hav got to do, to raize oats, iz to
plough the ground deep, then manure il
well, then sprinkle the oats all over the
ground, one in a place, then worry thu
ground with drag all over, then set up
mites to keep the chickens, and wood
chucks out Ov them, then pray for some
rain, then kradle them down with kradle
then rake them together with rake, then
bind them up with a band, then stack
them up with a stack, then thrash them
out with fail, then clean them up with q
mill, then sharpen both ends ov them with
a knife, then stow them away in q granery
then spend wet days, and SUNDAYS, trap
ping for rats, aud mice.
1t aint nothing but phun to raise oats
try it.
One ov the best ways tew raize sure
crop ov oats, and tew git good price fol
the crop, IL tcw feed quarts ov them to 8
shanghi rooster, then murder the rooster
suddenly, and sell him for 25 cents 9
pound, crop aud all.-Neao York Weekyu.