Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-05-12
HumOr.

HumOr.
Cold comfort-eat;ng ice.
A soft blow gentle breeze.
The best bread source-work
Labor in vain-a far-fetched idea.
The board of health-a plain diet.
The best substitute for silver-gold.
A minister of the exterior--the tailor.
A constant gleaner-the tax-gatherer.
Impressions of Greece candle.droppings
on the carpet.
The nation which produces the most mar
riages must be fascination.
Jones teaches book keeping in one lesson
of three words: Never lead Them
The woman who maketh a good pudding
in silence, is better than she who maketh a
tart reply.
An Iowa man, instead of going to the
expense of divorce, gave his wife dollar
to scat
Solomon's wisdom is said to be due to the
fact that he had 700 wives, whom he doubt
less consulted on all occasions.
A wealthy widow, advertising for an
agent, was overwhelmed with applications,
as the types by mistake made it "a gent"
A fool in high station lie like man on
the top Of high mountain-everythin ap-
pears small to him, and he appears small to
everybody.
An Irish magistrate, censuring some boys
for lettering in the street, said, if everybody
were to stand in the streets, how could any,
body get by?
A minister not long ago preached from
the text, BE ye therefore steadfast,' but
the printer made him expound FROM BE ye
there for break FAST
A certain lady CLUES her husbands eye
lids together when he gets drunk, and when
he promises better things, she soaks them
in warm water and restores his vision.
An old bachelor says that giving the bal
lot to women would not amount to anything
practically, because they would insist that
they were too young to vote until they got
TOO old to take any interest in politics
An Irishman, applying for license to sell
whisky, was asked if he possessed good
moral character. Faith, yer HONOR re-
piled Pat L don't see the necessity for
good moral character to sell whisky
A New York belle who was purchasing
some gloves, told the clerk she wanted them
of a 'subdued mouse color The clerk said
they were out Of that shade, but suggested
'infuriated rat as a substitute
The Cadiz (Ohio) Republican prints the
following birth notice On Monday morn
ing, April 18th, to W. B and Jennie G.
Heam, daughter. Shall vote when she
is twenty-one.
lis your note good ? asked q merchant
the other day Of a person who offered note
for lot of goods. Well replied the pur-
chaser, I sho Id think it ought, everybody
got one
A rich farmer refused to subscribe for an
iron fence for cemetery in Vermant, on the
plea that it needed no fence, as those inside
cannot get out, and those who are out do
not want to 60 in
Mr.. Chawls Thawpson recently ran bis
head against young lady during a cotil-
lion. 'Ah excuse me, deah,' be cried
did it hurt, ah?' NO, sir she replied it's
too soft to hurt anything
What do you mean by cat and dog life?'
said husband to his angry wife. Look at
Carlo and Kitty asleep on the rug wish
@. men lived half as peacefully with their
wives Stop said the lady, 'tie them to.
gether, and see how they will agree
A Cockney tourist met with Scotch las
sic going barefooted toward Glasgow. Las
sie,' said he, L should like to know if all
the people in this part 60 barefooted?' Part
of 'em do, and the rest of 'em mind their
own business, was the rather settling re-
ply
A lady passing along the street, was met
by young man, who, in passing, stepped
Oh her dress.
Turning to the lady he remarked: Hoops
take up too much room
To which the lady quickly replied: Not
SO much as whsskey, sir, and rassed on.
Amelia waved her fan with glee,
And being in playful mood,
She gave the airy toy 10 me,
And babe me firt it if | could.
The pleasing toll l quick began,
But jealous pangs my bosom hurt,
Madam, cannot flirt a fan.
But, with your leave, I'll fan firt.'
A young man recently wrote to a paper
asking whether it would be advisable for
him to marry young and tender angel,
who had never done her own washing or
dressmaking.' In reply, the editor advised
him to do so by all means, and mentioned a
similar case in his own experience, where
the bride had never done her own washing
but after marriage she became SO fond of
A. ,,ocb fnh &c not on1v fo waob for bor