The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-08-15
II U MoRoUs EMS

eay" What does grocer do with most
of his things before he sells them p
Gives them weigh.
Day- An Oregon toast over glass of
the ardent, "Here's what makes us wear
old clothes"
BG5~ Salt" is the subject of school
boys latest composition "The salt is
spice which spoils the potatoes if you for
get to put it on"
pa A cynical lady, rather inclined to
frt, says most men are like a cold-very
easily caught, but very very difficult to
get rid of.
RAJ Why is it unlawful for a man to
fell his own pine timber? Because no
one is allowed to cut where it lis his own
deal.
BSg" What is the difference between a
fisherman and a lazy schoolboy One
bats his hook, and the other hates his
book
ps5~ An Irishman who was standing
on London bridge said to youth, Faith
and think [ know yees; what's yer
name ?" Jones" said the boy. "Jones,
JONES'" said the Irishman " and knew
seventeen ould maids by that name in
Dublin; was aither of them yer mither~
Reig~ Recently at the oratorio Of
Elijah" at the Mechanic Hall in Salem,
which is poorly ventilated, when they
came to the scene of the widows dead
son, lady remarked elijah will never
bring that boy to life in this atmos-
1 phere."
BGy~ The following lines are on the
r sign of a roadside inn between Swindon
n and Marlboro-The Plough:
= In hopes we plow, in hopes we SOW,
In hopes we are all led;
- And l live here and sell good beer,
) In hopes to get my bread
+ pea-. suppose" said quack, while
= feeling the pulse of patient who had re.
luctantly submitted to solicit his advice,
u " | suppose you think me a humbug"
. "Sir," gravely replied the sick man, " [
- was not aware until now that you could
so readily discover a mans thoughts by
feeling his pulse"
Ses- Ephraim johnson" sends the
following notice of &C dissolution" to the
Louisville Sun: Ode coparsnips hereto
fore resisting twixt me and Nose Jones,
am heretofore resolved. Does what owes
! de firm will please call on de scribe
Does what de firm owes will please call
, on Jones as de firm am irrisolved"
81 B0y~ A lady was once declaring that
she could not understand how gentlemen
nd could smoke. 1t certainly shortens thei r
lives" she said. 81 don't know that"
Cd replied gentleman, there is my father,
who smokes every blessed day, and he is
now seventy years old" DWELL" was
the reply, " ifhe had never smoked he
might have been eighty"
RsSg~ Clara, love but thee alone, D
thus sighed the tender youth. Oh,
. hear me, then, my passion own with
trembling lips and earnest tones. Indeed
l speak the truth" He paused, the
- blush o'erspread her check; she let hin
: draw her near; scarce for emotion coulC
she speak, yet did she ask, in accent:
meek, "What is your income now each
lg; week Z"
Of Bayn A darkey was boasting to grocer
s, of the cheapness of ten pounds of sugar
ra' he had bought at rival shop. {" Let me
ter weigh the package" said the grocer
mp The darkey assented, and it was two
pounds short. The colored gentleman
,,ppss looked perpexed for moment, and theI
rs; rs; said, " Guess he didn't cheat dis chill
Gu Gu much, for while he was gettin' the sugar
stole two pair oh shoes"
n s6y- Young mistress (gravely; she hat
l. seen an affectionate parting at the gardel
gate)-"I see you've got young man
Jane~
NJ Jane (apologetically)-"Only walked
out with him once, mum"
Mistress-"O, but thought saw
didn't you-didn't he-take kiss
Jane? ?"
Jane-"O, MN only as a friend
m'mW 1.
z R6S- A farmer with the view of locating
on some of the broad acres of Texas, visit
ed San Antonio on his way farther West
=. There he was seized win one of thos
maligant typhoids which too often lie il
- .