Mower County transcript., 1871-07-27

for 4 single man." asked a kind man OF
one who was indulging pretty freely. 81
beg pardon, sir; have been married
these ten years." was the answer.
Ir was taunt of Mr.. Richard Cobden
that there was not man of ordinary OF
polite education, as it is called in England
who being challenged to point out Chicago
upon the map, could be able to put down
his finger within thousand miles of the
spot.
VERY UNKIND.-(Scene-A volunteer
review) -Infuriatcd commanding officer
Hi, there, get away, you ma'!man-go,
away from the target! Easy y-lnindcd luna
tic-Hold on, guv'nor, amt US mad as
l look! was here all day yesterday, and
found it much the safest place in the field
THE pay of the enlisted men Of the
United States army has been reduced
Privatcs of cavalry, artillery and infantry
receive hereafter $13 instead of $40, and
the compensation Of non-commissioncd
officers is proportionately less than for.
mcrly
A LADY had favorite lap. dog, which
she called Perchance. "A singular name,
said somebody, "f,r beautiful pet
madam. Where did you find it?" "Oh,
drawled she, it was named from Byron's
dog. You remember where he says, Per
chance my dog will howl"
TEMPERANCE
More of good than we can tell,
More to buy with, more to sell;
More of comfort less of care,
More to eat and more to wear;
Happier homes, with faces brighter,
All our burdens rendered lighter;
Conscience clean and minds much stronger,
Debts much shorter, purses longer;
Hopes that drive away all sorrow,
And something laid up for tomorrow.
a STORY is told of father in church
who, when the marriage service came t(
the point where the clergyman asks, "Whc
giveth this woman to he married to this
man." replied: "Well, sir, am called tc
do it, although it do go agin the grain. ]
wanted her to marry Bill P]owser, who is
worth twice the money O that ere man.
The answer was not considered regular.
The Rev J Hyatt Smith, of Brooklyn
has in his possession q Testament which
he picked up by the side Of dead soldier
boy on the battle field Of Gettysburg aftel
the close Of the fight A singular fact
about the book is that only one blood.
staid is found upon the pages, and that
covers these words in Revelations: " And
it became as the blood of dead man."
ONE of the importunate juveniles who
solicit pennies was asked, "Where is your
mother!" She answered ditfldently, "SLc
is dead" "Ilave you no father?" "Yes,
sir, but he is sick" "What ails him ?'
continued the questioner. He has got a
sore finger, sir" Indecd!" eyes, sir. u
"Then why don't he cut it off" "Pleasc,
sir, responded the little maid, he haint
got any money to buy knife
BOILING potatoes is apparently one of
the most simple operations of the elemen-
tary cookery. Yet at a recent meeting III
London, gentleman had the courage to
say that not one girl in seventeen, of a
certain parish hc knew, could boil pota-
to. Others satc that so great is the
disregard Of English housewives just now
for all household matters that this Gin
difference is one of the most outward and
visible signs of the deterioration of the
English nation"
A COLORADO salOOn-keeper said of a
rough crowd: II couldn't get their whisky
strong enough for them, SO after trying
every way, at last made mixture of
poison oak ard butteruut. Itfttched 'em.
I called it the sheep hcrders' delight; and
it was popular drink. The first Pike /
tried it on yelled with delight; the next
one took two drinks, and turned double
somerset in the road before the house. A
pcddlcr came along, and after he took sew.
eral drinks Of my sheep herders' delight,
he went Oft and stole his own pack, and
hid it in the woods"
A PARTY Of gentlemen who left Bridge
port, Conn, recently, to attend the wed
ding of friend, were signally unfortunate
They had nearly reached their destination
when the horse baulked, and could not b.,
made to advance all inch. The time fol
the ceremony was at hand, and, as they
could not reach the church in season tc
witness it, they concluded to turn about
and bid the couple goodbye at the Bridge
port depot. But, much to their disgust
the horse baulked again when near Bridge
port, and the would be congratulations wert
denied the privilege of seeing the happy
couple.
THE good people who have become ex
cited on the vaccination question may bt
pacified by the fact that special commit
tee Of English doctors has lately reported
to the world that maladies imputed to vac
cination in no wise proceed from it, ant
that almost universal medical authority
commends it as one of the greatest safe
guards ever introduced for the protection
of the human family. The committed
moreover report that, from the logic o
this fact, it is the duty of the State to Sc
cure its universal adoption, allowing only
such as are prejudice Inception of paying
twenty shillings IS ali exemption fee.
SAYS the Lehigh (Pa.) Register: "A
young man lin town, last week, who
claimed that he is neither ins me OF
pcchondliacal, hut only laboring unde,
great mental depression, entered into ne
gotiations with on.' OF our practising
| physicians for the sale Of his body, which
is to be placed into the hands of tue latte,
after death. The persons appeared before
one of our Aldermen, where the neccs
sary documents were drawn up and proper
| ly signed the amount agreed upon being
$40 for that organization which is fear
fully and wonderfully made"
AN application made to one of tn.
courts of London, made to compel the
payment Of a debt in monthly installmcnt
Of G3, brought out the fact that the debtor
was q barrister who bad only one brief ir
a twclvemcnth. Whereupon Mr.. Justic,
Bylcs gave his opinion that this case wa
not al cxct ptional one, but that, on thu
contrary, not on.: III twenty of the barris
tcrs Of England made a living in tho pro
fession. The LNao Times accounts for tn
pr, vailing legal irnpecuniosity by the hy
pothcsis tina, numbers of needy men go /,
the bar on speculation, without knowl
edge of law or special gifts CT eloquence.
THERE was a little amusement in tn
office Of the Probate Judge Of Cincinnati
aiew days ago. An exceedingly corpulen
gentleman called, and perspiriDgly aske
for marriage license. The accommodate
ing clerk, of course. seized the blank wit
aVidity, put down the date, inserted tn
applicants name and then asked the in
patient lover the name of tho prosperity
bride. This was poser. The intcrrc
gated stared blankly at his questionc
stuck his hands in his pockets, and tinall
acknowledged that he did not know Th
clerk told him that the name was esscnti,
to the legality of the license, and the uf
happy man departed, saying that ne woul
find out and call again.
CAPTAIN HALL takes with him o
his expedition to the North Pole fl,
which has an cvcnttul and peculiar hi
tory The flag is mail of war boats Ell
sign, about six feet long and three fe,
wide. 1t was taken out in Wilkes cxpcd
tion in 1888, and was on the vessel th
went further South than any Of her con
!, panirns Ia 1850 the colors were. prescE
e,l to the Grinnc|l cxp di,ion, and weI
taken further North than a''y other Amc
} iran flag had ever before Icrn cXhibitc
1t 1864, when Or. Kane went out, NJ
Grinncll loaned him the flag, and il WI
taken still further north. After abando
ing his vessel, DIR. Kane made pcrilo'
;; voyage in an open boat toward the Mort
Pole. The colors served for his pillo
: when hc slept in the boat. In 1857 Il
. flag was loant Il to DIR. Hayes, who took
half degree nearer the North Pole tha