The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-05-02
Artemus Wards Wit.

|
HIS ARTISTIC CAREER.
could draw on wood at very
tender age. When a mere child, !
once drew a small cart load of raw
turnips over a wooden bridge. The
people of the village noticed me.
drew their attention. They said
had future before me. Up to that
time / had an idea it was behind
me.
Time passed on. 1t always does,
by the way. You may possibly have
noticed that time always does. 1t is
kind of way time has.
l became a man. | haven't dis
tinguished nv self at all as an artist /;
but have always been more or less
mixed up with art. l have an uncle
who takes photographs, and l have a
servant who takes anything he gets his
hands on.
HIS MUSICAL IDEAS.
II like music. l can't sing. AS a
singist, am not success. am sad.
dest when sing. So are those who
hear me. They are sadder even than
l am.
The other night some siIly-voiced
young men came under my window and
sang Come where my love lies dream
ing" / did not go. didn't think it
would be correct.
found music very soothing when
lay ill with the fever in Utah and
was very i'll was fearfully wasted.
My face was hewn down to nothing,
and my nose was so sharp 1 didn't care
to stick it into other peoples business
for fear it would stay there and
should never get it again. And in
those dismal days a Mormon lady
she was married, though not 50
much so as her husband, for he
had fifteen other wives-she used to
sing a ballad commencing "Sweet
bird, do not fly away, and | told her
| wouldn't. She played the ACCORDION
divinely-accordeonly l praised her.
THE STEAMER ARIEL.
81 went to California on the steamer
Ariel. This is the steamer Ariel.
Oblige me by calmly gazing on the
steamer Ariel and when YOU 90 to
California. be sure and 90 on some
other steamer, because the Ariel isn't
n very good one."
THE PICTURE OF THE GREAT DESERT,
"This picture is a great work of art.
1t is an oil painting done in petroleum.
1t is by the old masters. 1t was the
last thing they did before DIVING
They did this and then they expired.
The most celebrated artists of Lon.
don are so delighted with this picture
that they come to the hall every day
to gaze at it. wish you were nearer
to it-so you could see it better. l
wish could take it to your residences
aad let you see it by daylight. Some
OF the greatest artists come here ev-
cry morning before daylight, with Ian.
terms, to look at it. They saw they
never saw anything like it before
and they hope they never shall
again.
When first showed this picture ia.
New York, the audience were so en-.
thusiastic in their admiration for this
picture that they called for tie artist
aud when he appeared threw brick
bats at him.
BRIGHAM YOUNG.
Brigham Young has two hundred
wives. Just think ofthat. Oblige me
by thinking of that That is he has
eighty wives,and he is spiritually mar
ried to oDe hundred and twenty more.
So we may say he has two hundred
wives. He lives not wisely, but two
hundred we'll. He is dreadfully mar.
ried. He's the most married man /
ever saw in my life.
| saw his mother-in-law while | was
there. / can't exactly tell how many
there is of her, but it's good deal. 1t
strikes me that one mother-in-law is
enough to have in one family-unless
you're very fond of excitement.
MORMON PRosELYTIsM."
II regret to say that efforts were
made to make Mormon of me when |
was in Utah"
at was leap year when l was there,
and seventeen young widows, the wives
of deceased Mormon, offered me
their hearts and hands. | called on
them one dav, and, taking their soft |
white hands in mine, which made
eighteen hands altogether, l found |
them in tears"
And | said, "Why is this thus ?
What is the reason of this thus.
ness ?"
They hove a sigh, seventeen sighs of
different size. They said:
"Oh so soon thou will be gonested |
awayp
l told them when when got |
ready to leave place, | wentested.
They said, "Doth thou not like
us ?"
| said, 81 doth, l doth"
l also said; Il hope your inten-
tions are honorable, as | am a lone
child, my parents being far, far
away"
Then they said: "Wilt not marry |
US"
Again they asked me 10 marry