The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1871-07-27
Josh Billings Philosophy.

INKIINGs Truth IL like the burdocks
a cow gifts onto the end ov her tail; the
more she shakes them oph, the less she
gifts rid ov them.
Thare is kinds ov men in this world,
that don't kare about meeting when am
in crate hurry. Men whom owe, and
men who want to owe me.
Thare IL always one chance agin the
best laid plans ov men, and the Lord
holds that chance
Mi private opinyun about "abscence ov
mind is, that 8 times out ov 10, it IL
absence ov brains.
The fattery that men offer to them>
sells IL the most dangerous, bekase the
least suspekted.
Take kitten that kan hardly walk on
land, and chuck him into mil pond,
and he will swim ashore-enny boldly
kan apply the moral in this.
The best philosophers and moralists, hav
ever met, have been thoze who had
money at interest.
1t takes a wize man TO suffer prosperity,
but most emmy phool kan suffer adversely.
Pride, after all, IL one ov our best
frienGs-it makes US beleave we are bet
ter and happier Than our nabors.
Before yu Civ emmy man advice, find
out what kind ov advice will suit him the
best
Knowledgeis is like mcney, the more a
man gifts the more he bankers for.
The vices and phollys oS CRATE men
are never admired nor initiated bi CRATE
men.
The trew art ov kriticism is tew excuse
faults rather than rdikuIe them.
We hav TO more right to latT at a de-
formed person, than we hav at crooked
tree-bUth oY them are Gcd's arkitek-
ture.
How strange it IL that most men had
rather be hattered for possessing what they
have not, than 20 be justly praised for
having what they possess.
Suayity Ov manners towards men IL like
suaviiy ov molassis towards flies, it not
only calls them to you, but sticks them
fast after ;hey git thare.
Thare IL a CRATE deal ov charity in
this world SO koIdly rendered that it
fairly hurts it IL like lifting drowning
man out ov the water bi the hair ov the
he'd, and then letting him drop on the
ground.
Exchanging kompliments is another
name for exchanging lies.
The greatest thief this world haz ever
produced iz P,OcTuSin0tion, and he is still
at large.
Religion is nothing more than a chattel
mortgage, executed, and rekorded, az Sc
kurity for mans morality and virtew.
White lies are sed tew be innocent but
l am satisfied that emmy man who will
lie for phun, after a while will lie for
wages.
RATs.-The best kind ov bate for a rat,
IL toasted cheeze, and the best kind ov a
trap IL the one that will ketch them the
ottenest, and hang onto Them the most.
1t amt always a sure thing tew ketch a
rat bi the tail, hav knew them tew blight
oph their tail just outside ov the jaws ov
The trap, and Thus save their rat meat.
Bob tailed rats hav ceased tew be a
curiosity to me long ago.
Once should have looked upon a bob
''i'Su iot "llil liiiiiSiCu pueeIiHgS ON pity
and surprise, but them daze hav fled from
me, look upon a bob>tailed rat now, as
a cluss bizzness transackshun.
Rats are one ov the far famed butys of
civilizashun, they won't live in the wilder
ness, and wouldn't if wuz they.
Sum folks are so enlightened they kant
bear rats, but az lay in mi bed, at mi
boarding house, at the deceased hours ov
night, it il one ov mi privileges tew hear
the rats chawin holes thru the base
boards, and playing tag in the 'wainscote.
Rats are very prolifck, one pair of as
sorted rats, will keep a phamily in rats
for years
Rats are very easy few keep, there aint
but phew things but what they will eat,
and them phew things are locked up.
Rats are no; a subjecks ov diet in this
country, but i am told hi missionarys.
that rat pi IL thick in China.
1 shouldn't wonder if rat pi might be
good, but hav alwus accustomed miself
to plain vittles.