Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-01-10
Lag2ech for He132e07'iStS.

An old bachelors idea-When taken to be
well shaken--the baby.
An inexperienced farmer tried to make good
corned beef by giving bis oxen whisky.
A Manchester (Vermont) man has been
blind ever since he undertook to look into his
neighbours bedroom window
A young lady who has been practising ''Let
me kiss him for his MOTHER says the more
she tries it the better she likes it.
A New York paper lately announced that
Olive Logan had married her uncle" What
the editor wrote was "spraned her ankle. -
Josh Billings says that zone of the hardest
things for emmy man to do is tew fall down on
the ice when it is vet, and then git up and
praze the Lord -
Of all passages in lifes eventful history,
there is none SO trying, SO solemn, or accompa-
MED by such earnestness of feeling, as when
you seek for box of matches in the dark.
A proud and loving Missouri father, in set
ting forth the accomplishments of his daughter,
said she could everlastiugly bang ivory and
howl, and could paw a washboard like mule. !"
Evangeline -''Ganpa dear, doee tell Jack
not to kill that poor boobottlel" Grandpapa,
delighted And why not my darling ~
Evangeline-" Because | want to XII
1t myself
What's the difference between the man that
was smothered to death by the impure air of a
soap factory, the other day, and Louis Napo-
leon? Answer: One has found his die-nasty,
and the other has lost his.
A Boston lecturer astonlshed his audience by
bringing his fist down on the table and shout
ing "Where is the reigiosity of the anthro-
poid quadrumana Z" If be thinks we have got
it he can search US. We never saw it in the
world.
A girl in Calhoun county, Wisconsin, at
tempted to look into the muzzle of her broth
ers shotgun, and the same time pull her dress
away from the trigger. The coroner's jury re-
turned a verdict Of Death from Internal care
lessness."
The Titusville Courier gives this as sample
of bookkeeping at Red Hot" in the oil
country: Jim Wilson commenced boarding
here the day the big tree fell. Tom Horner,
one week after. Received Of Jim Wilson 81
dollars the day Jack got drunk. Paid his
whole bill the day Smith S we'll was torpedoed. "
Here is Boston boys composition on 'The
Horse:" The horse is the most useful ami
nal in the world. So is the COW. Iwunst had
l3 dux and wus draiks, and skunk killed l.
he smelt orful node boy which he had
him rase them, so he got mad and so he bored
hole 10 his mother wash tub. I wish had
horse-a horse sometimes weighs thousand
pound.
Young men who go to see girls have adopted
novel method of obtaining kisses. They as
sert on the authority of scientific writer's that
the conclusion produced by kiss will cause the
fame Of gas jet to flicker, and easily induce
the girl to experiment in the cause off science
The first kiss or two the parties watch the gas
to see it flicker, but soon become SO interested
in the experiments as to let it flicker if it wants
to. Try it yourself
At county court held not hundred miles
from Lyuchborg, distinguished member of
the bar, in appealing to the court for the dis
charge OF his client, wound up with the state
ment that if the court sent him On for further
trial, a stain would DE left upon his character
that could not be washed off by all the waters
Of blue ocean and all the soap that could be
manufactured from the ponderous carcass of
the commemorative attorney" To this th~
penderous attorney promptly replied ~.
while he deemed it foreign to III that
he desired to advise thu o. - case at par,
it advisable to boil - art, if they thought
they should lnc' ais body into soap, that
ecloentr~ X to the opposite counsel tor the
Led lie out Of which to make 1t