The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-07-25
How Mr.. Kobb Became a Mason

Gus ceremonies popularly supposed to
be entendant upon initiation into Ma
sonic Lodge we find among our exchan-
gcs. Its Righteousness and extrava-
gance will, we apprehcnd, be relished by
Masons themselves:
datter myself understand some
thing about secret associations. I've
had passion for that sort Of thing ever
since | vas old enough to tell lies. l
have secuted pretty extensively among
the different organizations I've been
an Orangeman, and a Fenian, and a
Good Templar, and a counterfeter, and
a Knight Of Malta l have belonged to
the Sons of Temperance, and the Young
Mems Christian Association, and the
Band of Hope, and band of robbers
I've been into everything, and I thought
l knew everything almost, but ! didn't.
Three months ago l became infatua-
ted with Masonry, and since joined
that organization I've discovered that
there arc several things connected there
IL
pretty good deal about. Now, Mr.. Ed
itor,I propose making these secrets pub
lic,not out of compassion for my fellow.
man who may be tending toward Ma
sonry, and act as warning, and so on,
because haven't got spark Of human
kindness in my breast, and would rather
see every mothers son put to the tor
turc than not; but because | have spite
against the fellows who initiated me
who made the irons too holland the goat
too frisky, and treated me with a rough
ness generally that the occasion did not
warrant.
Before Eliminating my narrative l will
state, for the benefit of those who don't
know, that Masonry is about six hun
dred thousand years old. 1t was old
when tae fraternity got into trouble at
the tower of Babel, and it was old when
Adam first put on his Apron as Grand
Master in the Eden Lodge. AS more
convincing proof of its antiquity, l
would just mention that party of mi
ners, the other day, in one of their exca.
vations, came upon the petriied remains
Of Masonic Lodge, with the members
in their places and all complete, and en-
inent geologists who have examined the
fossils are of the opinion that these bod
les have been imbedded in the rock for
more than fifteen thousand years.
On the evening / was to be initiated l
made my will and took most affecting
leave of my family Thus prepared l
started for the Lodge, accompanied by
Brother John Smith, S. R S. ?. T., who
was to "see me through" We had 70
difficulty in getting past the first en-
trance, but when we knocked at the Sec
ond fat little fellow looked out through
d round hole in the door, and put this
startling interrogatory to Brother Smith :
"Chetuxchronhie ehcolalorum ?" to which
Brother Smith replied cheerfully: mix
-my-dolly -whack-doo." The little
fellow then said: ''Flodz--steomphritid-
ytumtum:" and my conductor giving Q
satisfactory answer, we were permitted
to enter. Before l had time to look
around me long-legged fellow knock
ed me over with club; he then stood
me on my feet, and another maraudeI
made rush at me and brought me down
again.
After had undergone this cxhilara
ting exercise for about five minutes, they
stretched me out on bench, and exam
ined my teeth, and pinched my muscles
and stuck pins into me all over, and
showed cayenne pepper up my nose, and
poured molten lead in my trowers pocll
cts, and pulled hairs out Of tie back Of
my neck with red-hot pincers, with 6
view, suppose, to make me feel unem
barrassed and at home.
When came to my senses was alone
in the ante-room of the Lodge. 1t was
lively and cheerful apartment. A couple
of crockodiles were amusing themselves
in corner, and a few full grown rattle
snakes were practicing the fling trapeze
on a stovepipe. The furniture consisted
chiefly of dozen mummies, the skele.
tons of Captain Kidd, Lucretia Borgia
Guy Fawkes, Jack the Giant Killer, Oil
yer Cromwell, the Wandering jew, Will
liam the Conqueror, Christopher Colum
bus and Dick Turpin, flying machine
three barrels of gunpowder, and re
markably healthy and well developed
wild cat.
just then half dozen pirates, clad in
aprons and sashes, rushed into the room
with whoop The attendants disap
peared, but Immediately reappeared, lead
ing an iron clad goat, regular double
decker, with sixteen horns, pair Of
wings, and seven or eight tails stuck al
over him. My eyes were bandaged, ant
l was told to mount. 1 said, "Gentle
men, if you will excuse me, l woult
rather not I'm not accustomed to go
ing up in balloon; besides, I've got an
engagement down town. My wife want:
to see me particularly. I'll be back in {
few minutes l rather think my house is
on fire, but I'll be back in few min
utes; yes, gentlemen, in few" BE
fore l could finish my sentence wa:
seized from behind and planted frmly
.astride of the Internal goat.
Somebody then said let 60, and away
we went. I've been through a gooc
many pcrllous scenes; I've taken par
in an election fight; I've been down in
railway collision and up in steamboa
explosion; I've fallen down three fight:
of stairs, and walked out of fourtl
story window; but this goat excursion
was ahead of them all. When l come
to reflect on the matter in cold blood,
wonder that ever came out alive. Th'
furious beast kicked and screamed, ant
rolled over and turned back somersauts
and drove me against the ceiling and un
derneath the chairs, till the bandage fel
from my eyes, and l had to let go. Th'
goat vanished up the chimney in blu
flame, and found myself in the Lodg'
room, with about fifty Masons in aprons
and nothing else, dancing war dane
around me.
The rest of the members were stand
: ing oD their heads in the different cor
ncrs, all but the cadaverous-looking buc
caneer,who seemed to be the head OF tn
| l,.,A,,oo+ Son, thnu lnft off doncin,