The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-06-06

NsS y ElOrlda negro was two years
ago so terrified at the cars that he had to
be blindfold to get him aboard Now he
is senator and director of the railroad.
Bsy" A young physician asking per-
mission lady to kiss her, she replied,
"No, sir never like to have doctors
bill thrust in my face"
RSy' At Negro ball, in lieu of . Not
transferable" on the tickets, notice was
posted over the door " No gentlemen ad-
mitted unless he comes himself"
B9yn" Mr.. Jones, what makes the canary
sleep on one leg 2" 81 don't think any
body makes him, my dear; l think he
does it Of his own accord"
Rey~ A gentleman complaining of his
too many friends, Patrick advised him to
lind money to the poor ones and borry
from the rich; then nuther sort will trou-
bic yez.
Rgy" . | wish you had been Eve" said
an urchin to an old maid proverbial for
her meanness. "Why so" Because
you would have eaten all the apple in
stead of dividing it with Adam"
1Ss5" a parson reading the funeral SER
vices at the grave, forgot the sex of the
deceased, and asked one Of the mourners,
an Emeralder " Is this brother or
sister 7" g Nather," replied Pat, "only
cousin"
Bsy" 4 Democratic citizen, standing
near a platform scales, the other day,
asked colored individual, Can a mig
ger weigh hogs?' 70 which the colored
man replied, " Put yourself on dem
scales, an see if he can'tr
Bag~ What is your consolation in life
and death ?" asked Sunday-school su-
perintendont Of a young lady in the BIZ
bic class, who blushed and said I'd
rather be excused from speaking his
name"
GG5" Josh Billings says in his lecter !
Rats originally came from Norway, and
nobody would have cared if they had
originally staid there" A lady friend
remarked that rats still show their gnaw-
away origin.
Re3~ a census taker recently asked
servant girl in the vicinity of Boston,
how many regular steady boarders there
were in the house. She informed him
there were fifteen boarders in all, but
not more'n four of 'em is steady the rest
is dimercrats"
pez5~ There is great joker living in To-
wa, by the name of Ache, and he has
named a newly-arrived daug ghter Belize
the short for Isabelle. Now, what we
want to know is, how will the girl like to
write that name as she grows older? 1t
will look queer, won't it
BeEg@ " Tatoes" cried darkey peddler
in Richmond. "Hush dat racket-you
distracts de whole neighborhood," come
from a colored woman in doorway
"You kin hear me kin you p {" Hear
you | kin hear you a mile" Thank
God for dat-Ps hollowin' to be heard
tatoes ~
Bag1 1t is nice going to some Iowa
schools. a lady teacher at Des DIoines
called boy up and made him show her
how he kissed the big girls in the wood
shed. After he showed her, she punish
ed him by making him stay after school.
lie says he don't want to graduate for
two years yet
Ray" A young lady at Versailles, Ken
tucky, was saved by her chignon from
having her brains dashed out the other
day as she fell from third story window
whether the chignon prote cted the brains
that were actually there, or whether peo-
pie who wear chignons haven't much
brains to be dashed out, is not quite set
tied to the satisfaction of the neighbors.
Hay" Not long ago gentleman had oc-
casion to reprove his little son, aged four
and half years, for an offence which
had on other occasions called forth words
Of correction. The parent closed with,
And, now, Willie | don't want to speak
to you again about thisp which was
promptly and very decidedly responded
to as follows "Well, pa, l doesn't want
you to-"
Ea- a Vermonter has had three dol
lars damages awarded him for being but
ted over fence by his neighbor's bull
The smallness of the sum is due to the
plaintiffs avowal that he was trying to
get over the fence as quickly as possible,
so that the bull only helped him in carry
ing out an intention conceived of his
own free will