The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-03-30
WIT AND HUMOR.


he morning2 Because their little
ills are over dew.
Why is clergyman like loco.
notivcY Because you are to look out
or him when the bell rings.
That man who knows the world
will never be bashful, and that man
who knows himself will never be impu-
dent.
A man carrying cradle was stop.
ped Ivy an old woman, and thus accost-
ed so, sir, you have got some ofthe
fruits of matrimony." Softly, old
lady" said he; "you mistake; this is
merely the fruit basket"
"A Western editor, in announcing
the demise of his paper, says, "The
brilliancy Of our career has only been
equaled by its breyity, and the lack of
business management has only been
excelled by the Lack Of business it.
SELF"
"A young lady at temperance
meeting said "Brethren and sisters,
cider is necessary to me, and l must
have il. If it is to be decided that We
are not to drink cider, shall eat ap-
piles and get some young man TO
squeeze me-"
There is story of Paris lady
who was so overcome by her appetite
as TO eat her beloved lap-dog. After
u hearty meal she looked down at the
little heap of bones; tears fell from
her eyes, "Poor Bijou" she exclaim.
ed, chow he would have enjoyed
them"
An eccentric minister, in large
parish, had seventeen couples 10 marry
at once in a grand common service at
church. In the course of the we'd.
dings, he asked one of the nen to
pledge himself to the wrong woman.
The man naturally protested but was
told, "Hold your tongue! l will mar
ry you all now and here; you can sort
yourselves going home"
"A neighboring schoolmaster tells
the ollowing good one "I was once
teaching in quiet country village.
The second morning Of the session l
bad time to survey my surroundings,
and among the scanty furniture / es'
pied q three-legged stool. Is this the
Ounce block I asked little girl Of
five. The dark eyes sparkled, the
curls nodded assent, and the lips rip
pied out: Il guess so; the teacher al
waps sits on r."
"A Young man OF the name,.of Jo-
seph recently tickled q young lady in
the church, on North Bars Island, in
Ohio. The lady squealed, and the
preacher becoming indignant, said wo.
men and men should no more sit to-
gether under the droppings of his sane
tuary. But, even with the possibility
of being tickled before their eyes, the
ladies refused to DO separated, and or
the very next evening all sat together
The preacher was indignant, and
brought the male portion of his con-
gregation before justice of the peace.
A jury was demanded, and no juror
should be a member of the church.
Three days the trial lasted, but a: last
the oppressed went free, apd now in
church they tickle each other as of
yore, to keep awake in an amusing
manner.
"A Witty Butcher-Some years ago
there resided in one of the principal
towns Of Maine, butcher, who,
though illiterate, was not without wit.
During one of his Gurnal rounds with
his cart, he stopped at Judge BIS.
who asked, What have you to,day,
Thomas p
Mutton Judge.
"How much pound2'
"Two cents and 4 half. Have
some? ?"
1.-Two cents and half pound!"
replied the judge, in affected aslonish.
ment. "rll live on faith before I'll
pay two cents and half = pound for
uuttonr' ,-...,.-., ST ,......
The butcher man paused moment,
aud holding out his hand, replied,
"Judge, you'll have to diet on repent.
ance sometime before you can live
upon faith"
Very Sharp.-A notorious scamp
was once brought before an Onondago
Justice OF the Peace. He was accused
of having ''come the strap game over
native" The portly Justice, Wish.
ing to decide understandingly, asked
to see sample of his skill. "The
party instantly produced leather
strap, gave it scientific whish across
the bench and remarked:
"You see, Judge, the quarter under