Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1871-09-07
CONQUEST OF AMERICA.
II. G. in the White House and
After.
From the Indianapolis Newu.I

A1L6I.
From the indianapolis News.I
The following is supposed to have beer
written in 1892, by Max Adeler, who wa
a witness to the terrible scenes which oc
cured at the time of which the story
tells. The English satire, "The Battl,
of Dorking," supplied the suggestion fol
the prophetic tale:
THE CONQUEST OF AMERICA.
You ask me to tell you, my children, O.
the events which Immediately preceded
the destruction of the country by the
present European rulers, and to say some
thing also of the cause which led to the
deplorable results. undertake the task
with heavy heart, for when l revert tc
that terrible time l cannot help contrast
ing our proud condition up to that fatal
year with the humiliating positions occu-
pied by the American people. The story
is short one. In the fall of 1872, Horace
Greeley, the editor of a newspaper in
New York, was elected President of the
United States. The people voted for him
because they thought he was an honest
man And so he was. But he was also
vain and weak, and he entertained certain
fanatical and preposterous notions-about
agricultural matters for instance-which
he was determined to force upon the peo-
pie, at all hazards, and despite all opposi-
ton. He believed, among other things,
every man ought to go West to earn his
bread, and long before he was chosen
President he used to a1vise everybody to
move to that region, as cure for all
the diseases that could befall the human
family
DRIVING THE sEABoARD POPULATION
WEST.
As soon as he reached the Executive
Mansion, which we used to call the White
House, President Greeley organized an
army of 100000 men, and proceeded to
force the entire population of the seaboard
States westward at the point of the bayo-
nv. hN utlBOSt WIS uSttl. IHOSt
who resisted were shot down and their
dead bodies were carried off to q national
factory which the President had estab-
lished for making some kind of fantastical
fertilizer. All the large cities of the East
were depopulated, and the towns were en-
tirely empty The army swept before it
millions of men, women, and children
until the vast plains west of Kansas were
reached, when the pursuit ceased and the
army was drawn up in continuous line
with orders to shoot any person who at
tempted to visit the East OF course, hun
dreds of thousands of these poor crea-
lures perisbed from starvation. This
seemed to ofrighten President Greeley, and
he sent a message to Congress recon-
that 100000 volumes of book
of his, entitled, What l Know About
Farming" should be voted for the relief
of the starving sufferers. This was done !;
and farming implements and seeds were
supplied; and then the millions of wretch
ed outcasts made an effort to till the
ground OF the result of this | will speak
further on.
ALL EUROPE IN ARMS AGAINST AMERICA.
In the meantime the President was do
ing infinite harm to the country in another
way. His handwriting was so fearfully
and wonderfully bad that no living man
could read it. And so when he sent his
first annual message to Congress-the
document was devoted wholly to the tariff
and agriculture-a sentence appeared
which subsequently was ascertained to be
Large cultivation of rutabagas and beans
Is the only hope of the American nation,
am sure The printers not being able
to interpret this, put it in the following
form, in which it went to the world:
The Car of Russia couldn't keep clean
If he washed himself with the whole At
lantic Ocean once Il dayl" This perver-
sion of the message was Immediately tele-
graphed to Russia by the Russian Minis
ter, and the Gar was so indignant that
he Immediately declared war.
just at this time President Greeley un-
dertook to write some letters to Prince
Bismark upon the subject of potato rot,
and, after giving his singular views at
great length, he concluded with the state
mcnt that if the Emperor William said
that subsoil plowing was not good in
light sails, or that guano was better than
bone dust, he was a ''liar, villain, and a
slave! OF course the Emperor immedi-
atelY declared war, and became an ally
Of Russia and of England, against which
country Mr.. Greeley had actually begun
hostilities already, because the Queen, in
her speech from the throne, had declared
the 1'76une's advocacy of tariff on pig
iron incendiary, and calculated to disturb
the peace of nations.
Unhappily this was not the full meas
ure of our disasters. The President had
sent to the Emperor of Austria COPY of
his book, "What l know" &c, with his
autograph upon a fiy-leaf The Emperor
mistook the signature for carricature of
the Austrian eagle, and he heartily Joined
in the war against the Uuited States;
while France was provoked to the same
act by the fact that when the French Min
lster came to call upon Mr.. Greeley to
present his credentials, the President,
who was writing an editorial all the time,
not comprehending the French language,
mlstook the ambassador for beggar, and
without looking up handed him quar-
ter AID an order for a clean shirt. and
said to HIM. go West, young mango
West
PRESIDENT GREELEY AND CABINET
HANGED
So all these nations Joined in making
war upon the United States. They swooped
down upon our coasts and landed with
put opposition, forthese exposed portions
Of our unhappy country were absolutely
deserted The President was afraid to