The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-06-13
II U N 0 Ro US IT Z NJ


should give aims to the armless and leave
legacies to the legless.
bs55@ y young lady went into n music
store and asked the clerk if he had Low
ing Eyes (the song) lie replied, " Pm
told so by the girls"
ssy" When Eve told Adam to chastise
his son, what five scriptural names did
she use? "Adam," Seth Eve, "Cain
Abel"
De5" A friend reports the following
conversation; "Did you not think Mr..
RS sermon was clothed in beautiful Ian
guage 2" well, yes l did think its
''closc" the best part of it."
1s5~ A traveller, being in coffee house
with some gentlemen, was largely drawing
on the credulity Of the company
"Where did you say all these wonders
happened, sir 2" asked a gentleman pres
ent. " | can't exactly say" replied the
traveller but somewhere in Europe
in Russia, think" al should think
TIA y" returned the other.
RsS" Two young fellows got to banter
ing each other the other day Finally
one Of them exclaimed: "Well, there's
one thing, you can't put your head into
an empty barrel. "Oh, nonsense" ex-
claimed the other, "why can't IY' Be-
cause" dryly rejoined the first, " it is an
impossibility to put a hogshead into a
barrel"
ESy@ The following comes to us from
Utica, N. Y: Mr.. A. was somewhat of
a wit, and even at his dying moments,
could not let an opportunity pass to crack
joke, as the following will show: As
his end drew nigh, and his friends and
relations gathered around his bedside,
one young lady remarked that his breath
was getting very short Why" replied
the wit opening his dying eyes "can
you see the end Of it?"
BGg" A city miss, newly installed as
the wife Of farmer, was one day called
upon by the neighbor of the same pro-
fession, who, in the absence of her hus-
band, asked her for the loan of his plough
for short time "I am sure YOU
would be accommodated" was the reply,
IF Mr.. Stone was only at home-I do
not know though, where he keeps his
plough" but" she added, evidently
Jealous to serve, " there is the cart in the
yard couldn't you plough with that till
Mr.. Stone gets back?"
BGg" A young man was standing by a
creek from which the bridge had been
torn away by freshet, when a nervous
individual drove up with horse and bug
gy, and requested him to lead his horse
across. Taking hold of his horses Bit
and starting as if to lead him through,
the young man asked: "Can one lead
him, sir?" "Oh, yes, pofectly easy, re-
piled the nervous gentleman. "Then
lead him yourself" said the young man
leaving the astonished person to his own
meditations.
Bas" One Of our German citizens gives
the following lucid and satisfactory ex-
planation Of what bock-beer is: "Puck-
deer, don't you see, sh vot der prewers
makes all der vile efray, day vonce a
year to dreat der customers vot pays 'em.
1t pees twice as sthrong ash beer vot
amt half so sthrong as puck-peer ish,
don't ye understand. INT ter man vot
puck-peer git drunk on, amt half SO
drunk on some oder peer ash puck-peer
knock ter sober out Of him, too soon al
ready. Puck-peer, shentlemens, is more
vot | don't can tell you"
Bag" A French priest who had usually
small congregation, was one day preach
ing at the church in his village, when
the doors being open, u gander and sever
al geese came stalking up the middle
aisle. The preacher availiDg himself of
the circumstance, observed that he could
no longer find fault with the people for
non-attendance, because though they did
not come themselves, they sent their rep
resentatives.
BDn" Come here, my little Eddie"
said gentleman to a youngster Of
seven years of age, while sitting in the
parlor where large company was assem-
bled; I" do you know me?" Yes, sir,
think do" "Who am l then ? Let
me hear" You are the man who kiss
ed sister Angeline, last night in the par
lor" Angeline tainted,
pG- A story is told of the minister of
Methodist chapel in Georgia, who hav-
ing left his spectacles at home on one oc-
casion, intended to announce to his con-
gregation that the singing would be dis
pensed with He arose and said
my eyes are dim, cannot see,"
and Immediately the chorister commen-
ced singing the words to the Gone Hun