Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1871-05-05

ne has original poetry enough to
,>shinele meeting house :" but. as
he has no Westinghouse to single,
the original poetry is useless.
Come here, Felix; you said the
letter Z was a glutton, how do you
know it?' because he changes fast
into feast, is invariably the first to
commence eating, and is always last
at the table"
Miss Muloch says: "a woman has
hardly any right in these days to sit
still and Dream" and she is right.
If women want to dream, let them lie
in bed and dream. That is the easiest !
way, anyhow.
4 reverend divine being accused of
negligence in his calling, and styled
Ian unfaithful shepherd" from
scarcely ever visiting his flock, de
tended himself by saying that he was
always with them at ''shearing time
They have strange titles in Japan.
One of the high dignitaries in Jeddo
is called his Grace of Fifty-five UNI
brellas: another the Lord of Hun
dred. Fans. and a third the Supreme
Controller of the Golden Poodles.
"a Young SGakeress" says in a
note that the assertion often made
that the Shaker males hate the fe-
males, and rice uerSa, is not true:
''for we love each other better than
we can express"
The trustees of suburban cemete-
nv, in speaking of the new receiving
tomb built under their direction, are
pardonably enthusiastic when they
say in their annual report: 1.-The !
whole inside arrangement Of the tomb |
gives pleasant and cheerful aspect
10 it."
Paddy. my boy" said a gentleman
to an Irishman, whom he observed |
fishing away at favorite pool, THAT !
must be a fine stream for trout. -
Faith. and sure it must be; for l
have been standing here this three
hours, and not one of EN- will come
out of it :"
The way they find out whether
milk is pure. in Boston, is to feed !
some of it to house cat. If she
sticks up her nose at it, and refuses
to put herself outside of it, they 90 |
for the miikman the worst way. You
can't fool cat on milk much. Their
opinions are entitled to respect.
A tippler called at farm house in
Amherst the other day, and asked for
cider. 'sNO, Tom" said the farmer,
You've had enough to drink to-day. |
no friend of YOURS would giEe you CT
der" "Oh good Lord" cried Tom.
very weary. leaning against the fence,
''please send along some of my enc
mics"
A School-boy having been required
to write composition on some part
of the human body, expounded as
follows: 1.-The throat-A throat is
convenient to have, especially to roos-
tiers and ministers. The former eats
corn and crows with it: the latter
breaches through his'n and then ties
it up
Halo ' calculated an anxious
guardian to his niece. as he entered
the parlor and saw her in the arms of
a swain, who had Just popped the
question and sealed it with a smack.
"What's the time of day, nOwT -
4 think it is about half past twelve"
was the cool reply, ''you see that we
are almost one"
A California lawmaker, more ac-
cuStomed to the arts and. phrases of
poker than to the parliamentary usa-
ges Of legislative halls, once seconded
a motion by saying. "Mr. Speaker.
| straddle it." And when a member
got up and said. Il raise" before /
he could get any further, our genius
cried out, excitedly, Il call you"
A gentleman asked Mr.. Greedy
which was the greatest poultry raising
State. as he was anxious to engage
in that branch Of agriculture. Horace
said that within the past two weeks
he had come to the conclusion that
New Hampshire was the most noted {
Tor raising poultry, as he couldn't
Dick Nh paper from that state but
WIS filed with rOOStars /
An indianapolis deacon, a few DAYS :
since, took to task lady member of G
he congregation, who resides some +
distance in the country, for not at t,
ending evening services more regu- I
arly. and inquired into the why's and
5herefores of the seeming negligence. o
We'll" said the lady. 1.-THE truth is. "
am so busy, and live so far away, II
hat it is all I can possibly do to get Il
ime to 90 to the theater u
A lady advertises for a laundress u
Tho viii be willing to take her paw
q lessons or the guitar. Whereupon in
paragraphist pictures to himself the o
d tis1 SNsANOh httil d hbOACu DGDCn IL
wang twanging the strings of guitar
nd the washerwoman keeping time ~
n the dashboard, and hesitates to III
elieve that music has sufficient
harms to fascinate a washerwoman
} that she will fall into the proposed
1t is said of late physician. that
e was waited upon one day by
aighbor to come and see a child
OK with the Group. ''0h, certainly" /
piled the doctor; IF there is any,
ling | pride myself on in my profcs. fo,
on, it Is my treatment of that dis gi,
lse. :" As the doctor stepped out I'M
oment to make ready. his waiting WI
sitOr WIS somewhat taken aback to sci
ar him say to his wife ssSarab n.