Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-01-27
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Rich music - million air.
The best thing in glasses-water.
A needless question-do you want loan?
The richest man is the one with the few
est wants.
A yawn in company generally indicates
a gap in the conversation.
The dearest spot on earth-tbe store
where they do not advertise.
An old maid is like an old boot-of no
use without fellow.
Lawyers mouths are like turnpike gates
never open except for pay.
Assembled the tin tube is the polite way
Of saying gone up the spout
A boy being asked what is mist?' vague
ly responded, fan umbrella
Cure for the ear-ache-get pretty girl
to whisper in it night and morning.
Why are iron-clads like unmarried ladies?
Because they are open to engagements.
1t takes tive horns to make dilemma,
and good many more to make topper.
Women are like horses--the gayer the
harness they have on the better they feel.
What man wants-all he can get
hokx b. al IL o.,5k
A man is most properly said tie be ripe
for anything when he is little mellow
To young ladies-keep your eyes wide
open before marriage, but half shut after
wards.
How did the bull look on emerging from
the china shop? A little the worse for
ware.
Some men have little coin in their purse,
but this is made up in abundance of brass
in the countenance.
There is an old lady living less than fifty
miles from London who firmly believes that
more men marry than women.
An old maid being asked to subscribe for
newspaper, refused, saying she always
made her own news.
Why is son who objects to his mothers
second marriage like an exhausted pedes-
trian? Because he can't 60 step farther.
Sumner thinks the time will soon come
when only thieves will be able to hold office.
We thought ii had.
Our Christmas turkey was a very fine
bird; it had scales on its back, and was ia
ken from barrel labelled No. 3 mack
reel
What's the difference between the North
Pole and South Pole? Why. all the diff
ference in the world, replied a lady unwit-
tingly; and that's the answer.
Josh Billings says that mosquitoes were
born of roor but industrious parents. and
some of the best blood in the country runs
intheir veins.
DR.. Chaplin wittily remarked that in try
idg to gain two seconds in getting on and
off trains, many men had secured widows
their thirds.
1t must have been consoliag for sick SOL
Aiers On low diet in the military hospitals
during the late war to sing when this cru
ell war is over we shall meat again.
During an examination, medical student
being asked the question, When does NOR
LITIGATION set in? replied: when you pop
the question and are answered NO
A money-hnnter being about to marry
fortune, friend asked him how long the
hone T. moon wsuld last. Don't tell me of
the honey moon, he replied; it's the har
vest moon With me-
A wealthy bishop congratulated poor
priest upon the good air which he breathed
in his parish, to which the latter replied -
Eyes, my lord, the air would be good
enough if I could only live on it,
In Kewannee county, Wisconsin, there
is not blind man, niger, or deaf or
dumb man, or an idiot, and only three Re-
publicans. It is seldom that county es-
capes all these evils.
A merchant in Geneva hung a notice in
his window, stating that he wanted to en-
gage the services of small boy. The next
day his wife presented him with two small
boys This proves the value of advertis-
ing.
Father said rogush boy, I hope you
won't buy any more gunpowdes tea for
mother
Why not?'
Because every time she drinks it she
blows us up
A fashionable but ignorant lady wanted
costly camel hair shawl, but her husband
bought her cheap imitation article. On,
examining it, she found the name Of the
manufacturer on the corner, and wanted to
know what that was. "That,' said the
husband, ooh is that the name Of the camel
of whose hair the shawl was made.
A lady once asked gentlemen what wit
was like. To which he replied "Lke
your |adyship's bottle of sal volatile-poig-
aant at the arst opening, but on being much
handled about, it losses all flavor, and be,