The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-01-03
II U N 0 RoUs TTEM MS

s-as---
De-" " Oh, Jacob, " said a master to his
apprentice boy, 1t is wonderful to see
what quantity you can eat
Yes, master" replied the boy, ~
have been practising since | was child"
ns5" At u spiritual circle, the other
night, Il gentleman asked the medium
what amusement was popular in the spir-
it world. The reply was, reading our
own obituary notices"
Bsy- " Mamma" asked little girl 10
her mother, do you know how get to
he'd quick !" No." was the reply
" Well, said she, in great glee, 81 step
one Of my feet over the crib, and then
| say rats, and frighten myself iu."
BeE" a young lady, while walking with
a gentleman, stumbled and when her
companion, to prevent her from falling,
grasped her hand somewhat tightly, she
simpered, : Oh, sir, if it comes to that,
you must ask my Pa"
pa" We can't remember reading any
thing more to the point than the retort
of an editor to Anna Dickinson.
Anna says she will give the editors
who have been abusing her "tit for
tat" whereupon our editorial friend
says: "Well trade here's our tat"
Bag- A tradesman who had failed in
the city of Bangor, wrote on his front
door, Payment suspended for thirty
days" A neighbor reading this said;
You have not dated the notice" 80,
no." said he, q" | do not intend to do SO
it would run out if | did"
gSg- " An editor in Iowa has been
fined two hundred and fifty dollars for
hugging young girl in church. ."-Daly
Argus.
Cheap enoush We once hugged
a girl in church some ten years ago, and
the scrape has cost us thousand a year
ever since"
Beg" A personal" in a New York
daily week ago states that if John
Smith formerly of Philadelphia, will cali
at No. - Blank street, he will hear
something to his advantage" John call
ed. There was about $50 of him-and
he has been calling at the rate of forty
seven per day ever since the PERSONAL
appeared.
3 "Jennie," said landlady to her help
the other morning" Jennie, was there
any fire it the kitchen the other night
while you were sitting up?" "Only
just spark, ma'am," was the reply
The landlady looked suspiciously at Jen-
ME but the innocent girl went on scrub
bing and humming" Katy Darling"'
D9"A ragged little urchin, begging in
the street, the other day, was asked by
lady, who filed his basket, if his parents
were living. "Only dad, marm," said
the boy. Then you have enough in the
basket to feed the family for some time"
said the lady. "Oh, no, haven't nei-
ther," said the lad ; 4" for dad aud me
keep five boarders. He does the house
work and do the marketin'. "
A writ in writing fright" may write
1t wright" and still be wrong,
For write" and rite" are neither fright"
And don't to write belong
Beer often brings bier to man,
Coughing 4 coffin brings,
And too much ale will make us all
AS well as some other things
DsY- A young man, becoming engaged,
recently, was desirous Of presenting his
intended with ring appropriately in
scribed, but being at a loss what to have
engraved on it, called upon his father Tor
advice. Well, said the old man, put
on When this you see remember me-"
The young lady was much surprised q
few days after at receiving beautiful ring
with this inscription: "When this vow
see remember Jdther."
Boy" A school teacher in Il town in New
Hampshire, seeing one morning a new
pupil in her school room, asked the young
" hopeful" in accordance with the require
ments of the experimenting commttee,'
his fathers name? Hayes" answered
the boy, promptly, "What is his given
name?" said the teacher. "Hayes,
tell you " replied the promising youth
swell, inquired the instructor, determin-
ed to know if Mr.. Hayes had any Chris
tian' name, "What does your mother cali
him 2" Mother2 She calls him old
Hayes" responded the boy, as if his des-
tiny depended on the reply.
pa A dispute once arose between two
Scotchmen, named Campbell and Mclean
upon the antiquity of their families
The latter would not allow that the Camp