The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-10-03
Jimmy Interviews wattles.

the Eastern sky is followed in due time by |
the deepening twilight. The solemn con-
course Of glittering stars in the visible |
heavens, twinkle approvingly to old mother |
Earth, while the melancholy winds of Au- |
tumn wall out their dirge like music with |
the same funereal sadness that has ever
characterized the dying year--in short the
wheels Of time roll on and the harmony of |
nature remains undsturbed. This to me
is satisfactory evidence that everything is
right and that Carlisle will retain the Judg- |
ship. With this assurance l am 6evoutly |
thankful, while at the Same time am hap |
py as n wandering son who is welcomed to |
the long deserted but doubly cheerful fire.
side of the paternal home, and jubilant as
an old maidin the embrace of healthy and
athletic beau. Encouraged by the assur-
ance received last week / have gone to |
work with my friends, and though we have
to walk over the burning Goals of ingrati-
tude, and see the f1sh-hooks of unthankful-
ness fasten in the coat sleeves of our deter
mination, we will not relax our efforts un-
til we reach the consummation so devoutly
to be wished for. AS certain Jews of an
cient days bound themselves together by
an oath that they would neither eat nor
drink until they would slay Paul, SO my
friends and l have pledged our honor that
we will not drink until the Cumberland
County Candidate is elected to the Judg-
ship. Last week / again went over to
Cumberland to consult with s. Winks
Wattles Esq. Mr.. Wattles is q worthy
and consistent member of the church. He
always takes front seat during services
and sometimes leads in the singing. l
found him to be mild afiable courteous and
communicative as he has always been rep
resented. After inquiring if Mrs. w. and
~ 4. n 30 l.n Oh II
ceeded to interrogate him concerning the
Judgship. He told me that upon inquiry,
he was astonished and chagrined to find
that great many people in Cumberland
said that Juniata or Perry counties were
entitled to furnish the Judge at least once
in a century,-that these counties had
brains and ability to fill the bench-that
the right of prescription was sheer non
sense when applied to the Judgship, that
90 years was sufficient time for enc man to
retain an elective office that had already
furnished him $65, 900 90 salary out of the
State Treasury and that they would not
vote to give him $40, 600, 90 more, and also
that they would distinguish between rap
idly failing old age and vigorous manhood
when it is SO deeply affected the subject
of taxation, without regard to politics, or
anything that interested politicians might
say concerning it.
The manner in which he undertook to
destroy this strong infatuation was we IL
worthy the genius of Wattles. He sal d
that he was constant in his attendance at
| all meetings at the church, that he would
always select as the basis of his exhorta-
tion some text such as Heb, 10, which
he would construe into encouragement for
! tho few faithful advocates of Cumberland
Co. supremacy. Upon one occasion he
discovered in the audience q man from
Juniata county, who advocated the claims
of the Perry county candidate-this time
| he selected Job /, @. The hymns they
sung were written by himself, and printed
on cards which were distributed among
the people. He had just finished new
one when came in. The first verse, and
| the only one which / remember, read thus:
why do these people breathe?
| Their errors who can tell?
| Ere long they all must seattle
Ger lurid flames in Hell.
l told him the question had been asked
me "why Cumberland county lawyers, who
were admitted to the bar in 1899, grew
mentally and physically stronger as they
| grew older ~ He replied that such was
certainly the case-that they resembled
/ cheese and butter in this respect, but that
| it was due entirely to the peculiar forma-
tion of the soil, and the pure atmosphere
rendered salubrious by retaining the Presi-
dent Judge in the center of the valley for
so long a time. In order to test the soil
satisfactorily took with me handful from
the potato patch of A.. Small Swine, Esq,
and after having persuaded Wattles to give
me handful from his, sent them to
friend of mine, who is an eminent chemist,
with the request that he would make an
exhaustive analysis, and report at his ear
| liest convenience The following is his re-
port:
DEAR SIR I'll have made chemical analysis
of the two specimens of soil sent me, and have
| the homer to report the following: The one
has limestone for Its base, while its other COM
| ponent parts are salaratus, epson salts, and
Java Coffee, all necessary for the growth of lux
urant vegetation, and the formation of brain.
| A person living upon the best products of such
soil and doingno physical labor will grow more
vigorous mentally and physically as he grows
older. The other has red gravel, and yellow
| slate for It's base-its other parts are quinine
blue mud, PHOSPHORUS and Dobbln's boot black
ing. It's products will make an Inferior brain,
| bad liver, poor digestion, and an ephemeral
life. Its vegetables will be tomatoes, buck
wheat, hoop-poles and buckle berries. Yours
Truly, L. e. FAINT, Chemist.
N. b. Unless you send my fees for the above
analysis, according TO agreement, will pro-
coed to coll ect them by law. L. L. +.
The above postscript, and the information
that Cliffentatier has married girl whose
mind is poisoned on the Judgeship, is the
only trouble have this week. Yours
immensely, JIM HEFFLEFINGER,
Who is now reading "Stump on the Eva
sion of Debt" and Spondoodle on the
rights of unmarried women.
THE MONTHLY NOVELETTE, FOR OoToBER.-
This valuable magazine Is so full of variety
hat IN al IN Sal n RAa .