The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1871-03-17
THE QUAKER DETECTIVE.


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We were five passengers in all; two
ladies ON the back seat, middle-aged
gentleman and q Quaker on the mid
die, and myself on the front.
The two ladies might have been
mother and daughter, aunt and niece,
governess and charge, or might have
sustained any other relationship which
MAKE it proper for two ladies to travel
together unattended.
The middle-aged gentleman was
sprightly and talkative. He soon
struck up an acquaintance with the Ia
dies, toward whom, in his zeal to do
he rather over did, the agreeable bow.
ing, smiling and chattering over his
shoulders in q painfully suggestive, at
his time of life, of q "cricku in the
neck. He was evidently q gay Lo-
thario.
The Quaker wore the uniform of his
sect, aud confined his speech, as many
aparliamentarian would save hls ered-
it by doing, to simple "yeas" and
"nays.n AS for myself / make it an
invariable rule Of the road to be mere
ly o lOoker-on and listener.
Toward evening, was aroused fro m
one of those reveries into which q young
man, without either being o poet or a
lover, will sometimes fall, by the ab-
rupt query from the talkative gentle
man.
"Are you armed, sire"
81 am not" l answered, astOnishe6
no doubt visibly, at the question.
II am sorry to hear it," he replied;
"fOr before reaching our stopping-place
it will be several hours In the night,
and we must pass over portion of the
road on which more than one robbery
is reported to have been committed"
The ladies turned pale, but the stran-
ger did his best to leass.ire them.
"Not that think that there is the
slightest danger at present, - he resum-
ed; "only when one is responsible for
the safety of ladies, you know, such q
thing as pistol in reach would mate
rally add to ones confidence
Your principles, my friend" ad-
dressing the Quaker, ~ presume, are
as much opposed to carrying as to U.s.
ing carnal weapons"
Yea" was the response.
"Have the villains murdered any of
their victims?" the elder lady nervous
ly inquired.
"Or have they contented themselves
with-with plundering them?" added
the younger, in a timOrous voice.
Decidedly the latter" the amiabie
gentleman hastened to give assurance;
land as We are none of us prepared to
ing worse than robbery can befall us. -
Then, after blaming his thoughtless-
ness in having unnecessarily intr0duc-
ed disagreeable subject, the gentle
man quite excelled himselfin efforts to
raise the spirits of the company, and
succeeded so well by the time night set
in that all had quite forgotten, or only
remembered their fears to laugh at
them.
Our genial companion fairly talked
himself hoarse. PerceIving which, he
took from his pocket a package ofnew-
ly invented "cough candy" and after
passing it first to the ladies he helped
himself to the balance, and tossed the
paper out of tie window.
He was in the midst of high enconi-
ums on the new nostrum, more than
half the efficacy of which he insisted,
depended on its being taken by suction
when a shrill whistle was heard, and
Immediately the coach stopped, while
two faces, hideously blackened, pres
ented themselves one at each window.
"Sorry to trouble you, said the man
on the right, acknowledging with q
bow two lady-like screams from the
back seat; "but business is business
and ours will soOr be over if things 90
smoothly" tt ft EAFi
"Of course, gentlemen, you will spare
disagreeable duty, the feelings of these
ladies'? appealed the polite passenger,
in his blandest manner.
20! certainly; they shall be first at
tended to, and shall not be required to
leave their places or submit to search
unless their conduct renders it neces-
sary.'
"And now, ladies' continued the
rObber, the barrel of his pistol cleaning
in the light of the coach lamp "be so
good as to pass out your purses, watches
and such other trinklets as may be ac-
cessible without much trouble.
The ladies came down handsomely
and were no further mOlested.
One by one the rest of us were COM
PEELED to get out, the middle-aged gem
tleman's turn coming first. He sub
mitted with winning grace, and was
robbed like Chesterfield.
My own affair, elike the sum I lost
was scarcely worth mentioning. The
Quaker's turn came next. He quietly
handed over his pocket-book and watch
and when he asked if he had any 9th
er valuables, said Nay
A Quaker's words is good even
among thieves; so after q haSty "goOd-A
night the robber thrust his pistol in his
pocket, and with his two companions
one of whom held the reins of the lead-
ers was about taking his departure
"StOpn exclaimed the Quaker, in
tone more of command than request.
"Stop! what for? returned the other
in evident surprise.
For at least two good reasons was
the reply, emphasized with a couple of
Derringers cooked and presented.
'Helpv shouted the rObber.
Stop" the Quaker again exclaimed,
and one of thy sinful companions ad-
vances step to thy relief, the spirit
will surely move me to blow thy brains
OUT
The robber at the opposite window
and the one at the leaders heads,
thought it a good time to leave.
"Now get in, friend said the Qua
ker, still covering his man, and take
the middle seat; but first deliver up thy |
pistol. f.rrf |
The other hesitated. |
"Thee had better not delay; feel the |
spirit beginning to move my right fore
finger. |
The robber did as he was directed, |
and the Quaker iben took bis place by |
his side, giving the new conner the mid
die of the seat. |
The driver, who was half-frightened |
out of his wits, now set forward at q
rapid rate. The lively gentleman soon
his vivacity. He was especi- |
ally facetious on the Quaker's prowess
YOU'RE a rum Quaker, you are Why, /
you don't quake worth a cent. /
/, am not a Shaking Quaker if that
IS what thee means.
OF the Hickory or rather the Old
Hickory stripe, l should say retorted
the lively man; but the Quaker relaps-
ing into his usual monosyllables, the
tagged.
Time sped, and soonar than we ex-
pected the coach stopped where we
were to have supper and q change of
horses. We had deferred a distribution
Of our effects till we should reach this
place, as the dim light of the coach
amp, would have rendered the pro-
,ess somewhat difficult before.
1t was now necessary, however, that