davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30
Con,indruns.

Why does the sun rise in the east ?
Because the (y)east makes everything
rise
When was the first sleighing on re
cord !? The entrenae GOODNESS between
Cain and Abel gave rise, we believe, tc
the first sleighing on record.
Why was the giant Goliah very much
a -stone-ished when David hit him with S
stone? Because such thing had never
entered his head before.
What sport is like girls gossip? Deer
stalking.
Who first introduced walking sticks
Eve gave Adam little Cain.
Why is the French cook to Queen
Victoria like man sitting on the top Of
St. Paurs? Because they are both in Q
high cool an airy (culinary) situation.
State the difference between grocer
selling a pound Of sugar, and an apoth
ecary's boy with pestle and mortar
One weighs pound, the other pounds
away. s
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30
The Beginning of QuarreIs.

ut is enough to provoke saint!
said an impetuous husband, when dres
sing in hurry, after carefully twisting
all the studs into the bosom, on finding
the collar button gone. "Why dom
you see to it that the loose buttons ore
fastened, and those missing are sewed
on?" .ru.. ...
"Well, Pm sure it is very small mat
ter, and you needn't be making such Q
terrible fuss about it."
"Small matter, indeed! So cinder
o. grain of sand in the eye, is a small
matter; and next thing to having splin.
ter in your eye, is having no buttons on
ones shirt" ' ...
"You can't desist from your raging
nonsense" was the response.
So the worthy husband, finding this
second retort from his irritating wife too
much for his manly forbearance, filings
his linen into the face of his spouse, and
thus mortal quarrel is inaugurated, and
ends by their not speaking for six
months, and his having to sew on the
missing buttons, without the satisfaction
of letting off his wrath through that safe
ty valve, scolding tongue.
"Now, young married people, in the
midst Of their honeymoon, or the be
trothed, while experiencing all that ellis
ium of selfabnegation incident to the
early plighting. will put all this down as
ridiculous in superlative degree, and
among the impossible possibilities; but
they will find out, ere long, that much
more of happiness is to be fastened on
with the well fastened buttons, than by
even the deeds of bravery and heroism
which are offered to few, and then can
be done only on great and rare occa
sions. '@HN A-H 'f., ~ t'v @..'
Who, when his wife is going over q
precipice, or drowning, would not rush
to the rescue, regardless Of personal
peril? Or, what wife, when her hus-
band is brought in, terribly wounded,
from railroad accident, or when strick-
en- with typhoid fever, would not watch
and exercise patience. as only woman
can do, sinking out of sight all her own
personal ease and convenience in the
depth Of her anxiety and affection Why
not then both be equally devoted and
careful in the little things of life?
And here you might add more than a
thousand suggestions and incidents
which are possible in our daily expert
cnce Life is filed with the little things
which make or break domestic happi-
ness. .E.
A great ocean steamer, whose power
full engines could drive her, with scarcely
a break upon her speed,in the very teeth
of gale, was brought to long ana
dangerous pause in mid ocean by hand
full of sand thrown by mischievous
boy into the trunnion plate of the shaft.
Grinding, heat, and threatened fire were
the result, besides the long delay, and
the aggravated tossing of a helpless
ship upon the waves.
We infer that little sand in the ma.
chinery, instead of oil, is worse than the
assaults of the worst storm without.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30
Ear Marks.

A favorite English amusement just
now 10 to examine the ears of the peo-
pie one meets, in order to discover
whether they bear the "mark of the
beast" which Darwin has discovered
He says that the pointed tip of the ear
Of our monkey progenitors is inherited
by not few men, only considerably
disguised; in fact, quite different from
the pointed ears Of fawns and satyrs.-
1t may be detected in the rim of the
ear and about one-quarter of the dis
tance from the top, where there is some
times found q considerable enlargement
of the rim, making an obtuse point tur-
ned inward. .si .5..t 3
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30
CheapPleaaarc.

81 "Dd you ever study the cheapness Of
some pleasure?" asks one. Do you
know how little it takes to make a mul-
titude happy? Such trifes as a penny.
word, or smile, do the work. There
are two or three boys passing slong-7
give them each q chestnut, and how
smiling they look! They will not be
cross for some time A poor widow
lives in the neighborhood, who is the
mother of half dozen children. Send
them half peck of sweet apples, and
they viii be happy e a'! es
Achild has lost his arrow-the world
to him-and he mourns sadly; help him
to find it or make him another, and how
quickly the sunshine play over his sober
face! A boy has as much as he can Do
to pile up load of wood assist him sfew
minutes, or speak a pleasant word to
him, and be forgets his toll, and works
away without minding it. Your appren.
tice has broken mug, or cut the vest
too large, or slightly injured piece Of
work. Say sYou seoundrel,p and he
iGclS iuiocioUic, uu1 tcmuEhs II sttu S0ge
ry," and he will try to do better.
You employ man pay him cheer;
fully, and speak a pleasant word to him,
and he leaves your house with a con-
tented heart, to light up his own hearth
with smiles and gladness.say f1poa le1s
As you pass along the street, you
say "Good morning" as though you
felt happy, aud it win work admirably
in the heart Of your neighbour Pleas.
ure is cheap. Who will not bestow Il
literally IT there are smiles, ,sunshinc.
and flower all sbout US, let US not grasp
them with miser's fist, and lock them
up in our hearts. No, rather let Us take
and scatter them about us, in the cot OF
the widow, among the groups Of chill
dren in the crowded mart, where men
of business congregate, in our families,
and everywhere. We can make the
wretched happy, the discontented cheer
cul, the afflicted resigned, at an exceed
ingly cheap rate. Who will refuse to
do it? seats
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30
The Radical Tariff,

Under our Republican protective tariff
it is almost impossible for the United
States to build vessels in competition
with other nations, Our taxes upon
sails and cordage, upon iron and copper,
upon timber, upon everything that is
used in constructing ship, are SO enor-
nous that ship building is almost entire
ly transferred to Great Britain. "Pro-
lection to American industry" after the
tariff fashion, has destroyed ship build
ing, and has driven the laborers employ
ed in it to seek their means of mainte-
nance elsewhere. The following official
table from the bureau of statistics at
Washington is instructive in regard to
ship-building in the years named:
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30
TWO PICTURES.

An old farmhouse with meadows wide,
And sweet with clover on each side;
A bright-eyed boy, who looks from ont
The door with woodbine wreathed about,
And wishes his one thought all day
"Oh! if I could but fly away
From this dull spot, the world to see,
How happy, happy, happy.
How happy should be!' w-a
Amid the city's constant din,
A man who round the world has been,
Who, mid the tumult and the .throng,
Is thinking, thinking all dry long
"Ohl could / only tread once more
The field path to the farmhouse door,.
The old green meadow could I see,
How happy, happy, happy.
How happy I should be-" ra. '"a 7
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

A Coop ANSWER An unbeliever,
while vehemently discussing, in crowd
ed room, the subject Of religion. conf.
IDENTIFY exclaimed, II would like to meet
that Bishop of Lichfield; Id put ques-
ton to him that would puzzle him."
avery WE'LL" said a voice in another
corner; ''now is the time, for ! ain the
Bishop" g.r-.t
The man was rather startled, but pres
entity said: "Well, my lord, can you tell
me the way to heaven p .''' .-
Nothing easier" answered the Bish-
op; "you have only to turn to the right,
and go straight forward"
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30
OUR SUNDAY COLUMN.
1t is better to die sinner than to live

1t is better to die sinner than to live
one.
God hands gifts to some, whispers
them to others. aa
He who wants to do great deal at
once will never do anything.
1t is more difficult to manage riches
well than to acqaire them.
Those who have not suffered know
not what they have I'd gain.
The Chariot of Gods providence ruu-
hcth not upon broken wheels - ss
The less a man thinks or knows about
his virtues, the better We like him.
A covetous man is an enemy to. the
Ipoor, and is cursed both in this and The
coming world. { - ~ ~, 49,
i would give nothing for that nans
religion whose very cat and dog are
not the better for it.
Many man breads throwing away
his life at once, who shrinks not from
throwing it away piecemeal. 'l..''
Happy the man TO whom heaven has
given a morsel Of bread without laying
him under the obligation Of thanking any
other for it than heaven itself.
An avaricious man runs straight into
poverty. He leads a life OF poverty
here below but he must give the &C.,
count of rich man in the day Of
Judgment. reJ oeHG
Many there are who do not desire to
be made whole, because being made
whole would involve their losing their
present position in society. They do
not wish to part with their gains or
wicked companions
A holy life is made up of ntfrtter
Of small things. Little words, not elo-
quent speeches or sermons; little deeds,
not miracles, nor battles, nor one great,
heroic act or mighty martyrdom, make
up the true Christian life.
Many men attend the Gospel to Sc.
cure themselves reputation, business OF
friendship. This is trading in divine
things. And what is the hope of She
hypocrite, though,he has gained; when
God tafeth away his sodl2,
When men are tmost sure and arto.
giant, they are commonly the most mis-
taken, and have then given views to
passion, without the propertdcliberation
and suspense which can alone secure
them from the grossest absurdities.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

EFThe Albany ~ " Argus, in
speaking of General Sherman and the
Radical distrust of him, says that ''he
was brought up in the family of Thom-
as Ewing, of Ohio, the distinguished
Democratic statesman, whose daughter
he married" The calling Of Mr.. Ew-
ing, the old traditional enemy Of the
Democracy for fifty years, distinguish
ed Democratic statesman, is certainly
good joke. i N
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

Ey-A woman committed suicide bv
hanging herself to an apple tree. At
the funeral a neighbor, noticing the sad
appearance of The husband, consoled
him by saying that lie had met with q
terrible loss. "Yes," says the husband,
heaving sigh; "she must have kicked
like thunder to shake off six bushels If
green apples that would have been worth
Il dollar bushel when they got ,ripew
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

CALIFORNIA STEAM WAGON A new
steam wagon, invented by Oliver Hyde.
of San Francisco, lately hauled some
huge columns, each weighing thirteen
tuns, through the streets of that city
1t is said that refined oil for mechan.
ism can he prepared by putting zinc and
lead shavinss, in equal parts, into good
Florence olive oil; and placing it in a
cool place till the oil becomes colorless
Postage stamps of the denomination
Of seven cents have been issued by the
United States Government. They arc
designed especially to prepay letters to
Germany; seven cents being the late to
that country.
To remove ink stains, the moment
you spill lux, take q little milk and satll-
rate the stain; soak it with rag, and
apply u little more milk, rubbing it in
well. In few minutes the ink will be
completely removed.
Burlington, VT, can boast of the lar
gest planning mill in the world. The
lumber yards, docks, sheds, mills, etc :,
of the firm cover an area of nearly fifty
acres, and in this area there are about
seven miles of plank road. To carry on
this establishment, from four to FIVE hun.
died nen and Joys are employed.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30
EgThe New YORK Democrat has To

Ey The New York Democrat has to
say in response to . certain theory
''This theory that man is a descendant
from the monkey may be all right to
talk about, but if the monkeys have
been watching the party which has heea
in power for few years they wouid be
justified in committing suicide. 1t is
serious charge to bring against mon
KEY that tries 10 be good"
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

Seventy old cannon from the disman-
tied Notifications of Qucl &C we're re-
Gently sold as old iron in Buffalo. The
guns were spiked and the tranions
knocked of, but they still lore tie
brand and arrow, the insignia Of George
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30
UNITED sTATEs.
GREAT BRITAIN.

Eighty five per cent. of our commerce
is already carried on in foreign bottoms,
and unless there is speedy change in
our tariff the remaining fifteen per cent.
will follow suit,and the American flag be
driven altogether from the ocean.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30
Forced Restitution.

1t is amusing to note the efforts Of
''loyar' papers to persuade the rebels
that they were enfranchised by the Rad
ical party. Who robbed them Of their
votes in the first place? Is the thief
entitled to credit for forced restitution
of stolen property ?-Charleston Vest
Va.,) Courier.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

EgThe four English Georges have
had their share of abuse in one way OF
another, though probably never in a
more concentrated form than in this cpl
gram:
George the First was reckonei
Vile, and viler George the Second; l-seA
And what mortal ever heard
Any good of George the Third?
When from earth the Fourth descended,
God be praised, the Georges ended"
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

The LONDON WATER COMPANIES
The eight water companies Of London
supply 479,S43 inhabited and uninhabi-
ted houses, and their daily average sup
ply OF water is l04.O06,034 gallons, Or
25 gallons to each person. Rl.aHs G
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30
Neuralgia.

For simple neuralgia of the face or
any superficial ache, mot depending upon
some organic Cause, nothing will act so
etfectually as rubbing the oil of pepper
miut into the part. The old man with
the gout will get relief from it. AS a
local anesthetic it will give relief where
chloroform fails, frequently put a
grain of morphine to a drachm of oil.
DR.. Nicholson.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

wThe New York Mail says: ITO
settle long troubled question we wish
to say that it Is settled that when lady
and gentleman, are dancing together it is
the gentleman's duty and privilege to de-
eide when to stop. 1t is as much a rude
ness on his part, thoagh, to continue a
long time without ceasing,as it is for the
lady to stop suddenly. ~ rT.a.l
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

A rapid writer will pen $500 words
in an hour. A rapid speaker will utter
$4,000 words in the same time. The
London Times newly invented steam
press will print 10000 words in a mill
ute, or GOO, ,00O an hour.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

An industrious woman in Marietta en-
deavors to aid and cheer her spouse by
keeping grocery while he keeps drunk.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

On, No!-"John Rouse, why wilt thou
do SOP" This was said by Thomas
Hazard, one of New Bedford's substan-
tial Quaker merchants to Johnny Rouse,
a negro iE his employ, whom he found
before a magistrate, and that,not for the
first time, charged with stealing. '"Why
wilt thou do so, thou foolish man thou
always gets caught" "Why, Massa
Hazard" was the reply, II don't get
caught half the time
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30
TERMS, OF ADVERTISING:

- Twelve iiaes, or less, will becharged as
one square.o,,l-srsys ada d slbi -, s.-r
: EAll legal advertisements will be charged
,by the line, and must be paid in advance Of
publication. NS'V e"' '9.A't.il7
6ar Notices of the 'appointment Of Ad. -
- ninistraser's and Rxscutor's; also -
- Attachment Notices aud Road noti-. =
- css, two dollars and fifty cents, in -
S advance. - IN ss4.,ff,a9s s, a4..is
: a0 Advertising done at published rates
sad payment required in advance, in all
's-'s b3g9qo yiGo ar feigw ias ,5gif
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

A STRANGE SECr.-"Well, Jane, this
is queer world" said Joe to his wife
"a sect OF women philosophers has
sprung up" '' |'@ ~ -3. ''' ''''-
''Indeed," said Jane, "and what do
they hold? p I-- rs.L U ~
"The strongest thing in the world
their tongues" at nm g. .e.s
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

Two hundred thousand fish barrels are
made annually in Bangor (Maine) and
vicinity.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30
Eyes.

A gray eye
Is still and sly;
A rosuish,
Is the brown;
The eye of blue.
is ever true;
But, in the black eyes
Sparkling spell,
Mystery
And mischief dwslll q.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

NUMBER oE FARMS IN THE UNITED
STATEs-Those persons who take pleas
urc in comparing the condition of differ
ent countries may be interested by The
following statement of the number of
farms throughout the United States,
taken from the returns of the late cen
sus Beginning with the smallest, there
are 52,642 farms of acres and under 10
acres; 157, $40 of 10 acres and under 20
acres; 612,245 of 20 acres and under 80
acres 6O9.6 .66S of so acres and under 100
acres; 1885, ,249 of 100 acres and under
500 acres; 20, ,2S9 of 500 acres and under
| l 900 acres and upward. The total num-
Der of farms is 1852 2,241. ,.-
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

AN ABSURD MIsTAKE.-A rich but ig-
norant lady of Boston, who was ambir
tious that her conversation should be up
to the transcendental style, in speaking
of friend, said: "He is a pdrdgram of
politeness Excuse me, said wag,
sitting next to her, 'but do you not mean
parallelogram? "Of. course | meant
a parallelogram," replied the ambitious
lady; chow could / have made such a
mistake n She meant q paragon.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30

mend them asan excellent tonic, imparing tono and
vigor to the system. Their has been productive
Of decidedly beneficial effects Z - ....-... z.
VIM F. ROGERS.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1871-05-30
CAUTION,

Hoofand's German Remedies are counterfeited.
wrapper Of each bottle Ali others are Counterfeit.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-03-24
CHICAGO.
Failure OF the Great Illinois Cattle
King.

Failure OF the Great Illinois Cattle
King.
CHICAGO. March 23.-A special from
Jacksonville gives the following facts
about the reported failure Of John Alex.
ander, the Illinois cattle king: During
1870 Mr.. Alexander was q large loser iu
cattle speculations. Being cramped for
funds he determined to sell his Broad
land farm, containing ,twehty-six thou
sand acres, and appointed agents to
make the sale. Shortly after an offer
was made Of six hundred. thousand
dollars for Broadland. by a Canadian
named Hogle, who failed to come to
time. In the meantime Mr.. Alexander
became more deeply embarrassed, and
his creditors becoming impatient be
has appointed two leading citizens OF
Jacksonville and OF Menard county to
sell 80 much Of his property ss will pay
his creditors. To this action be has
the consent of his creditors. Two wears
time is given by them.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-03-24
CINCINNATI, d.
The Ohio Legislature ON Spree
Jury Failed TO Agree.

-
Jury Failed TO Agree.
CINCINNATI, O., March 23.-GOvernor
Hayes, and General Sherwood, Secretary
of State, and J. II. Klippart, of the State
Board Of Agriculture, and members OF
both houses of the Legislature, with
the officers Of the latter body and mem
bers OF the press, numbering altogether
about $50 persons, reached here at one
clock this afternoon. They are here
as guests Of the city, 10y special invita-
ton, and remain till Saturday. On al
riving they were escorted to two steam
rrs, where a collation. was partaken OF.
Tney were then taken up and down the
river, along the city front. and on re-
turning witnessed display Of the entire
fire department on the public landing
they are provided for at the Hotels to-
night. Tomorrow there will be a grand
parade Of the fire department and a visit
TO Mill Creek valley and the public in-
stitutions. The visit is understood to be
principally business one, having for
its object the cultivation Of more thor
ough acquaintance with the legislative
wants of the city.
In the case of Thomas n. Curran
against the owners OF the steamer Mag
nolia, for S25, 900 damages from injuries
received at the explosion Of that vessel
the jury disagreed. The case has occu-
pied the attention OF the Supreme Court
for two weeks 2. N
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-03-24
ST. LOUIS.
Observation-Disclosures Murder.

ST. LOUIS, Mo-, March. 23.-The
special registration for the April cleo
ton closed last night, about 5000 new
names being added The Democratic
primary elections are progressing to-
day
Another murder has grown out ofthe
assassination of Deputy United States
Collector Jenkins, at New Madrid, some
time ago. 1t appears that Thomas
Gray and Edward Newson got into a
dispute at New Madrid, on Friday last,
about the murder Of Jenkins, in which
several other persons participated, and
two shots were fired and one Of Gray s
ears punctured About 10 o'clock that
night Gray was shot while standing on
the porch of his house, by some nm
known persons. Newson being among
the suspected, gave himself up. de
denies any connection with the assas-
sInatiOn. - ....s.- .....