Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-03-10
IHumlOr.

ae<st HumOr.
A par of tights-two drunkards.
An attached couple-a pair Of oyste,
shells.
When is tea like work of art? When il
is drawing.
The man who could not 6nd his match
went to bed in the dark.
1t is an even chance now, whether man
gets into State Prison or Congress
Some girls are like old muskets. They
use good deal Of powder. but won't 60
off.
An old farmers description Of pointless
preacher was, "A good man likely, but he
rakes with the teeth up
A tart writer says that instead Of putting
the word God in the letter OF the constltu
ton, we had better take some OF the devil
out of the government
WASTE OF MONEY AN Irishmen recent.
|, soliloquized: What a waste O money to
be buying mate when you know the half Of
it is bone, while you can spind 1T for rum
that hasn't bone in it,
A reporter thus graphically describes the
effects of storm On the North River:
while the storm was at its height, the
vessel keeed to the larboard, aud the cap
tain and anotaerca Of whiskey rolled over
board
GONG ALONE. maiden lady alluding
Of her youthful accomplishments, said that
at six months Of age she went alone. A
malicious Individual present remarked
Yes, and you have been going alone ever
since
A man stopping his paper wrote to the
editor: II think folks ottent to spend Their
mummy for payper, mi daddy diddut and ev-
erybody sed he was the intelligentest man
in the country and had the smartest family
of boiz that ever dugged taturs."
..Cufee, what do you tink de most useful
Of de planets, de sun OR de moon?' "Well.
Sambo, links de moon orter take fust rank
in dat ar ticker" ''Why you tink SO, Cuff
fee?" "Well, I tell you; kass she shines by
night, when we want light, and de sun shines
by day when We dent"
Once again that little lamb comes to the
front, led by a rural biographer, who tells
us that:
Mary's sheep was once alamb,
She found it in gutter;
II did, t give milk worth dime,
But it frequently did butter.
Why don't you wear your ring, my dear?'
said a father, in ball room, to his daugh-
ter. Because, papa, it hurts when any one
soueezes my hand What business have
YOU to have your hand squeezedp Certain
" none; but still, you know. papa. one
would like to keep il in squeezable Or
der
A negro preacher holding forth to his
congregation on the subject Of obeying the
commands OF GOD, says: q.ss ...s
'Bredren, whatever God tells me to do in
dis book (holding up the Bible) dat | am
guine to do. If Isee in it dat I mustjump
throo stone wall, I is guine to jump at it,
Coin throo it blongs to God, but jumpin'
at it b'longs to me- 1--'44
During the late war young Miss was
passing through one of the hospitals, when
it was remarked that prisoner, a lieuten-
ant, had died that morning.
.Oh, where is he? Let me kiss him for
his motherp exclaimed the maiden.
The attendant led her into an adjoining
ward; when discovering Lieutenant H -,
Of the Fifth Kansas, lying fast asleep on
his hospital couch, he pointed him out to
the girl. She sprang forward, and bending
over him said;
'Oh, you dear lieutenant, let me kiss you
for your mother
What was her surprise when the awaken.
ed corpse ardently clasped her in his arms,
returning the salute, and then exclaimed:
Never mind the old lady Miss, 60 in on
your own account. I haven't the slightest
objection
DrDN'T LOOK IN THE KITCHEN An anti.
quated darkey in Madison county, during
the days OF slavery. professed religion and
applied to minister of he Baptist Church
in his neighborhood to be admitted into his
flock He was told by he minister to meet
him at his Church the next Sunday and give
in his-expesience He was forthcoming on
the day appointed, cooked and primed for
answering all questions that might be put
to him. To the first question propounaed
to him he said that he had had a dream
WELL said the minister. what did you
dreamY Il dreamed, said he. that I was
dead and in hebia Well said the minis
ter, who and what did you see there?'
WELL said he, i seed old Mars vhar was
dead desc many years, and I seed old Miss
whar was dead too 'Well,' said the miu-
lister, who else did you sec there? just
then another old darkie who bad been lis.
tsning very attentively, said: 'Brudder Pc
ter, did you see Brudder Sam dar?' Hush
your mouth. niger, I didn't look in the
kitchen