St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1871-09-08
UU ana u isoiOHi.

do yon wish TO get up with the lark ,
Then 90 TO bed without it.
Why Is love like canal boat BE
cause 1t Is IN internal transport.
When docs :; man impose upon him
self , When he taxes his memory.
a volume that will bring tears to your
eyes. y volume of smoke.
Why is Il kiss lis" rumor Because
it goes from mouth To mouth
\ GOOD tonic for dcblitateI young
ladics-iron \ better tOnic-ironing
What is it that goes up the hill and
down the hill, and yet never moves -
The road.
What does 4 Grocer do with all hi,
thin"S before he sells them '-Givcs them
a weigh
PA, what can do, unless you get
me Il riding habit, up here in the com
try !'' ''Get into the habit of walking.
my dear"
Nmall boy, over intelligent for his
years, wants Ia know if babies are bap-
tiHed over again, ''in ctsc it don't take
the first time"
\ youthful political a,pirant, after a
canvass har;mgue, met his particular
friend with, ''Well, my dear sir, did yon
hear my last speech ~ Il hope so"
An Illinois undertaken advertises that
he Keeps on hand ".,n elegant stock OF
neat and nobby shrouds, warranted to
give satisfaction to the most particular" "
There is this odds between Il humor-
Gus texture and 4 scientific one : yu hav
got TO understand the humorous lcktur
to enjoy it, but yu kan enjoy the scienti-
lic one without understanding it.
\ bucolic Indiana wayfarer on Chi
ca@o train, being anxious TO see what he
could sc, thrust his head out OF the win
dow and into another train, and now
shows Si@ns OF premature ballne>s
"Auntir," said tlrec-year old one
day, Il don't lite mine aprons tarchcd
80 drctiul 50 much tarchness mabc-
the tittneSs twatrh my baroness
\ little Athol girl of five summers
was severely Stung by hornet, and,
runnin" into the house, she told her
mother that she had been bitten by some
thing that looked like ~ yellow carriage
with the top turned back"
An old bachelor recently gave the fol
lowing toast: ',Woman-the morning
star OF infancy the day star of man
hood and the evening star of age. Bless
our stars, and may they always b. kept
1t telr-copic distances :"
\ gentleman who had been brou"ht
up on good country butter, lately stop
pei at Il leading hotel in St. Joseph,
Mo, and looking over the tempting bill
of fare, made his order 1t was prompt
ly filled, and he was indulging in the
hope OF Il luxurious feast, when, helping
himself TO some butter, along with the
unctuous mass, a long hair, evidently
from some human cranlum, came curling
out on his knife. lie held it up, gazed
suspiciou>ly at it for 4 moment, and then
motioned for the waiter. The latter i'll
dividual promptly entered an appearance,
wien the guest. holding the knife up be
fore him, and pointing to the capillary
substance attached 10 it, exclaimed in
voice loud enough TO be heard by the
whole table "Look here, my friend
have you any bald-hcalel butter about
the house 2
One of the last humorous papers has
very funny cut. 1t illustrates this scene
An old gent l. walking in his garden
Presently the mikman comes along, ont
side the hi"h garden wall, and givcs his
customary yell. Old gent hears some
thin, but being very deaf, is unable to
make ont u~t what is wanted 50 hr
puts his, eartrumpet in place, and cle
vating the bell edgc over the wall, eN-
claims, "lIerc :" Miikman takes it for
4 dish, and cmpties Il quart of milk into
the old cents car, and goes on about his
business. 1t Is about rs ludcrous an in
cidcnt ;Is can be imagined.
When the Rev Mr.. Sears was settled
in Wayland, Father Allen said 10 him
that he also once preached there As u
candidate, AMI should have been settled
but for one little thing. "What was it,
pray ," "Oh, the people didn't want
me"