Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-10-20
HuMOr.

NS>e~S>S RAS>S
mined stand.
Why is kiss like scandal? Because it
goes from mouth to mouth.
Contentment-To sit in the house and
see other people stuck in the mud.
A cross-grained old bachelor says that
tim is the favorite belle metal now -a.days
If you are in doubt whether to kiss
pretty girl, give her the benefit of the doubt.
If you court young woman, and you
are won, and she is won, you will both be
one.
When wife reigns, it seems natural
that she should storm, too. She generally
does.
A stupid exquisite, at wedding, wished
the bride many happy returns Of the occa-
sion.'
Mrs. Gubbins says her husband is like
tallow candle, because he always will smoke
when he is going out.
A Cincinnati horse doctor advertises to
teach horse to sing. But We have enough
one-horse singers already.
A credulous person is like pitcher,
borne by the ears, empty Of itself, but apt
to hold whatsoever is put into i!
It is said Of one who remembered every
thing be lent, but nothing that he borrowed,
that he had lost half his memory.
A young lady, whose father is improving
the family mansion, insists upon having
beau window put in for her benefit.
my lad said lady to boy carrying
q small bag, ARE you mail boy You
doesn't think I'm female boy does YER?
The Comanche Indians are Disguised
with the employment of colored troops on
the frontier, because they are SO hard to
scalp.
A Dubuque farmer put out fire in his
barn with deluge of milk. Dubuque is
not the only place where milk differs but
little from water.
A sarcastic young lady says she never
was SO much in love with man that two
rainy days together in country house
would not effectually cure her.
A topper sneered at young man for wear
ing spectacles, when the latter said: 1T is
better to use glasses over tho nose as I do
than under the nose as you do
A story is told of young man who was
crossed in love, and attempted suicide re-.
Gently by taking dose yeast powder. He
Immediately rose above bis troubles.
An honest country parson, who, in the
time Of great drouth, was desired to pray
for rain, answered: ''Fll willingly do it to
oblige you. but it is to no purpose while the
wind is in this quarter.
Mother said bright little girl, lis hell
hot place 2 Being little puzzled what
reply to make to her, the mother answered,
Yes 'Then,' said the little girl, why
don't they turn the damper
A man in GAINESVILLE, Ohio, who has bur.
led three wives, has their photographs in
group, within which his own picture is the
centre figure, and underneath is the touch.
ing inscription: The Lord will PROVIDE
I love to kourt in winter. The NEW
girls kno, When awl out side is drew.
And kivered up with sno; love to kourt
in winter Bekase the old folks dred the cold
and stormy weather, And hurry off to bed. !
A gentleman, on getting some soda, was
retiring from the store without the usual
little ceremony which follows that operation,
'Recollect, sir said the polite proprietor,
If you loose your pocket book, you didn't
pull it out here
A Michigan doctor, who was arrested be-.
cause his patient died, has been acquitted on
the ground that be did the best he could,
giving all the medicine he knew the names
of. He put in plea that be never insured
a case when be took it.
An Irishman noticing lady pass down
the street, espied two strips depending from
under her mantle. Not knowing that these
were styled sashes and hanging in their
right place, he exclaimed, AN faith. ma'am
yer galluses are loose =
Why is it, said schoolmistress to a
who had caused her much trouble
by bad conduct, you behaved so we'll when
you first came to school, and are so disobe. |
dent now?' Because said young hope.
full, looking up into the schoolmistress' face.
4 wasn't much acquainted with you them
A lad arrested for theft, when taken be.
fore the magistrate and asked what his &C.
cupatien was, frankly answered, Stealing
Your candor astonishes me- said the
Judge.
Thought it would, replied the lad, .sce-
ing how many big 'uns there ars in the same
business and is ashamed to own itp
When negro jury in Mississippi went
out to deliberate, one jnror asked another
lis dis hanging case? ITO be sure, mig
GER was the answer. 'WeH,' said the first
juror, dis niger heerd one dem LAWYERS
say that boys gose comm back here and
liant us if we hang him. Ino go for hang
ing, and have dat boys gose foller me. No,
SIR Verdict of manslaughter.
An eccentric friend of ours, says the |
Litchield Conn., Enquirer, stepped into a !
store in the village, which shall be name.
less, where some colored bretherin were do.
ing little trading.
'Ah! Mr.. - said our friend won
have your cousins in. see.'
The young merchant said nothing Init
looked mad. Our friend stepped out, but
after the sable customers had de.
parted.
4 hope you won't take any offence at
what l remarked here just now said he.
sOh, no. said the merchant, L never
AXE offence at anything you say
Glad of it, replied our auizzer, 'the
liggers are as mad as the d-P
And then he slonad narromlu M