The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1871-12-02

"Ietc," said a mOtler to her son,
care YOU into then sweetmcats
again ," "No, ma'am them sweet
meats is into mc.'
At Louisville, Ky, the fines col
lccteu for drunkenness are placed
in the school fund, and many OF the
prominent men get drunk every
week just to contribute to the cause
OF education.
A Grammarian's Thought.-What
a contrast there sometimes is be-
tween the adjective and its adverb!
Reflect, for example, on the wide
difference that EXISTS between the
man who is constant in love, and
the man who is constantly in love!
Ma" said Il little girl to her moth
er, /" do men want to get married as
much as women?n Pshaw! what
are you tall1ingabout ?" "Why, ma,
! the women who come here are always
talking about getting married-the
men DON'T
An ingenious wife in Des Moines
cured her husband OF snoring thus:
She has a-pcrcha tube with
two crup-shaped ends; one she puts
over his nose and mouth, and the
other over his ear. He consumes
his own noise, as q stove does its
smoke, and wakes up instanter.
a coUntryman unaccustomed to
legal phraseology, who was defen-
dant in suit, sat for some time
listening to the "allegations" in the
complaint, till, losing his temper,
he jumped up and cried out.
"Them ere allegations is false, and
that ere alligator knows itw
The following advertisement ap-
peared in all Irish paper: "Where-
as Patrick Maloney has fraudulent
" taken away several articles Of
wearing apparel without my knowl-
edge, this is therefore to inform
him that if he does not forthwith
return the same, his name will be
made public.'
"Now, my boy" said the com
mittee man, {" if | had mince pie,
and should give two-twelfths OF it
to John, two tweltths to Isaac, two
twelfths to Harry, and should take
half the pie myself, what would
there be left +! Speak up loud, so
that all can hear" "The plate!'
shouted boy.
A Scotch minister told his neigh
Dor that he spoke two hours and
half the Sunday previous.
"Why, minister, were you not tired
to death?' asked the neighbor.
"Aw, nae,' said he, II was as
fresh as rose, but 4G would have
done your heart good to see how
tired the congreg gatiGl was."
"Whar is Europe to America ?'
said stump Orator. "NoWhar!
Wllar is England? Nowhar. They
call England the mistress Of the sea;
but what makes the sea? The
Mississippi. And all we've got to
do is, to turn the Mississippi into
the Mammoth Cave, and the Ell
glish Navy will be foundering i'll
the mud.'
One of the many Misses Young
was recently spoken to by her father,
Bri CHAM, in reference to q proposal
for marriage from Salt Lake mer-
chant. The young woman, with
considerable spunk, replied, II am
willing to marry a dozen husbands
if you will let me select them for
myself, but l will never put up with
a piece Of man."
A wealthy gentleman stuck up a
board in a field OH his estate, upon
which was painted the following:
I.will give this field to any man
who is contented." He soon had an
applicant. "Well, sir, are. yon o
contented man" Yes, sir, very.0
"Then what do you want with my
field I" The applicant did not stop
to reply. ...
Tn visitinga school not long ago
a class was up for review in general
science. They were evidently "up
to snuff in answering promptly.
The first question was, "What is
hail y Ans.-(prompt and Loud y
i" Hail is frozen rain" The second,
"What is snow ~ Ans" They
frequently fall the size of hens
eggs" --s. &
An old German farmer, named
Peter Mock, at q late court day at
Grayson, KY, was a party in a suit
in which d jury was empanneled.
The judge asked Peter if he objec-
ted to any one on the jury. "Yes,o
said Peter, earnestly, II object ter
Pill Franklin" "Why, Bill Frank.
lin is not Oh the jury said the
Judge. "Eell, I don't care q tam,
chudse; I objects ter Pill Franklin
anyway he's meddling NIT my pis-
ness all der time, and I objects ter