Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1871-03-30
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A WArCH WORD Tick.

lhE LAND OF CANR--A sugar planta-
ton.
TuE MAN Mosr LOOKED Ur To-Thc
man in the moon.
DIVIDENDS are applied in the Washing
ton Life to make the policies larger.
THE TINE TO CLlNCn AN ARGUMENT
When the attention Of your audience is
rlvCtGd. =.
LlGHr is most successful burglar
1t is always breaking in upon some
one.
SAID Saint Simon, "lf ! consider my
self | feel detected, i'll considermy fellow
men, feel proud
DeATu is the great persuadcr and
works more successfully than all the other
agents of the Mutual Life of Chic ,go
A RECENTLY welded pair in New York
received, as presents, four grald pianos,
and talk of renting out three of them,
In the Middlctown, Conn, Poor House
is a man who is the last Of a family of
thirty, alIchlldren of one mother.
A BosToN lover Of the weed exhibits 10
his friends ball Of tin foil weighing l3ai
pounds which, he says, he has saved il,
two years.
WnEN should u woman 60 into the
lumber busin ssg When she pines for
her lover, who is spruce young man, and
OF whom she thinks great deal.
THE Boston idnertisr cmuhting Mr.
Grc,ley's achievements in the agricultural
line, tells its readers somethiug about
raising hects The best way, It say, is
to take hold of the tops and pull
The Boston Pest tells of man in Troy
"who left boarding house just btcausc II
rat bit of his ear, When people get 20
be that particular about trihes they ought
| to quit boarding and go TO keeping house
TnE St Albans Messenger says that
there Is in that town a horse whose upper
lip bears u heavy moustachc, fully three
inches in length. which parts in the
middle, and gracefully curls out on either
| side IN the most approved fashion.
WHAT relations are least regarded "
asked n professor of mental philosophy of
an idle student. After desperate effort
to answer the question, the delinquent cN.
| claimed, Poor relations sir'-poor rela,
tions, beyond all question: sir =
THEY have little girl In WilliamStown,
| Mass who is regular bird and animal
| charmer The birds come to her feet for
crumbs when she sings, and numbers OF cats
and dogs are almost constantly bCSieging
her house for the hospitality they know
! she will not refuse.
TnH Mercury, published in Newport, H.
l.. claims to be the Oldest paper IN tic
! United States, Its first issue was made in
| the year 1853, by Benjamin Franklin, and
! il has been published uuinteunptcdly even
| since II is now in its li2llI volume, and
| No 1854 vas Published on recent Sat
| ur1ay.
| Ir is related that when BcechGr was in
! the country, lat summer, he lost his hat,
| aud found it, III about week, IN The barn
where he had left It, but with four eggs In
| it This Is as it should he. Bccchcr had
lust written a eulory on the hen; why
| shouldn't the Hep.ro. ward BcccherY
FLEcunn. Bishop Of Nsmcs, was the
son of Il tallow chandler A proud duke
once ondeayored To mortify the priest, by
sa, ing at the levee that be smel tallow /;
TO which the other replied Ny lord,
| am the son of tallow chandler, lis true,
and if your lordship had been the same,
YOU would have remaihcd a tallow-chan
dler all the days of your life.
AN eccentric, wealthy gentleman stuck
up a board in field on his estate upon
which was painted the following 81
vii, give this field to any man who Is con
tented" He coon had an applicant.
Vel. sir, are you a cOntenied man
Yes, sir, very" "Then what do you
want with my field2" The applicant did
not stop to reply.
soAE music teacher once wrote that tho
"art Of playing TIE violin requires the
incest perception and the most sense Of
any ant in the known world" Cpon
which an editor comments The art Of
Publishing a newspaper. and lnaking "
ray, and at The same time making il please
everybody, beats flddlin' higher than a
kite
An old lady, slightly blind, while IN
gagged in futile attempt 70 sew buttons on
young Agustus' ne~ jacket, remarked "Drnt
these buttons can't find the holes, and
they split all 10 pieces every tine | stick
I the needle into EN- To which replied
Young A Agustus "Now, look ere, Granny
you Just let my pepermnt.drops alone.
You We split NOR b half OF EN- already
( ALTuorGH 1t was once customary 10
call every high peak Of the Rocky Noun
tains $50 o feet in altitude, bat orc shows
| 10 900 feet on actual measurement There
are many Of II 600 feet 1t Is gOmew hat re
markabc how regularly this height IL pre-
served. So far as measured, there are
/ twenty peaks above l3OOO and ten about
/ ii, 900 feet above the sea level.
A RESIDENT Of Salem, Mass, is very
angry with some young friends Of his
who, the other day, for the sake Of Joke
! i Al, 90, Ia FtfulI hy long
| cession of callers, including two express.
4 men, a man with load OF WOOD, another
/ with furniture, third with bundle Of
! hay, colored barber, grocer with can
/ of oil and finally bcarse with two car.
riages 70 attend his funeral,
"WHAr do you do for a liying| asked
farmer, near pOugh keepsie, oi sturdy
ysgabOud who came begging at his house.
4" Wen, nothing much, except travelling
around, said the fcllDS. " You look as
though you are 70 ID at that, responded
the farmer Wed, yes, am pretty good
at travelling" Then, said the farmer,
opening the door, " let's see you travel"
A RICH but ignorant lady Of Boston,
who was ambitious that her conversation
should be up TO the transcenden,aI style,
in speaking Of a friend, said He Ia \
pardgram OF poltepessl' Excuse me,
said q wag sitting next 70 her; but do
YOU not mean a paraileloPram' Oi
course meant parallelogram, replied the
ambitious lady, how could ! have made
such mis,akef"
A CONNECTICUT lawyer, who wished "a
cross the IiveT on the ice, was told that II
would be entirely saf; 70 make the attempt
4 AZ J. a,.Ia l.