Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1871-04-19
CHIPS AND CRUMBS.

When Frederick the Great was mcmoraiixed to
sxpatriate the philosopher Woef. account Of his
NOT being orthodox in his creed the King returned
the memorial with this endorsement. :" If said
woef lives according 70 my laws. he can remain in
my Kingdom If, a. II is alleged, he takes upon
himself to quarrel with the Lord, cannot inter.
fsrs. The Lord Ii able TO settle all his qusrreIs
Without any interference by me-"
A boy WAS sent BY his mother to saw some stove
wood out Of old railroad ties. Going out doors
shortly sitter, she found the youth sitting on the
eeW-horse, with head down. The mother asked
her hopeful son why he was cast down. and why he
didn't keep at his work. The boy replied my
dear mother, find it very hard to sever old ties"
Hartford Professor, who felt little rheumatic,
lay down on louage and requested his friend w.
to rxb him after the movement cure style. W.
gently beat him on the chest How hollow i
sounds" said K, who looking on. "That's
aoshing," said W., "wait till get to bis headr'
A Pittsburg paper records lamentabIe state of
costume in the remark that I" Lou CARRIERS ward
robc was . white vest and a miniature bouquet
she must be the same girl who, when asked il she
was going to wear her new bonnet, responded that
she wasn't going to wear anything else.
Some clever fellow has manufactured handker-
chiefs upon which map of the seat Of war in
Europe il stamped. They have proved immense
success, everybody wishing to poke his nose into
The scsne Of conflict without personal danger.
ssDoctor," said a lady, "I want you to prescribe
for me-" sThere is nothing the matter, madam"
said the doctor, after feeling her pulse 'yOu only
need rest" SHOW, doctor, just look at my tongue"
she persisted ''what does that needT THAT needs
rest, too" replied the doctor.
A Brief Market Report. Pens, ink and paper,
aFe stationery; new milk Is unchanged; brogans
are heavy; wheat is grain better than oats; wines
~n1 To- .ra varl
ysast-cakes rising.
A lady was urged by her friends to marry q
widower, and argument they spoke of his
two beautiful children. ..children,n replied the
lady, "are like tooth picks-a persons wants her
A Slow Train Ticket Collector -ssThs your
boy, Mum? Hes too big for 'alf ticket" Mother
down upon him) -"0h! is he? Well, p'rhaps he
is now, mister; but he wasn't when started.
This 'xcurson's ever many hours behind time, an
he's . growing lad So noww Exit in triumph.
Pretty teacher: Snow, Susie Wells, can you
tell me what is meant by miracef' Susie: ''Yes,
teacher. Mother says if you don't marry the new
parson twill be miracle !"
A youth was Iamenting to his father the ordeal
Of popping the question. Pooh !" said the patri.
arch. 'how do you suppose l managedr' lyon
needn't talk, responded the young hopeful, "you
married mother, and I've got to marry = strange
gFl." #
An English writer thinks the American early
pctatoes will come to end ere long, for each
new variety is claimed to ripen about ten days
earlier than any other, the time between planting
and digging will soon be used up.
Greeley advises budding Lima beans in prefer
ence TO grating He rebukes the practice Of
shaking and polling strawberries from the tree.
They should be picked separately, by hand.
John Randolph was once, on . race-course,
solicited TO bet by q stranger, who said "Smith,
hsrs. will hold the stakes" 'Just so," replied the
descendant Of Pocahontas; 'but who'll held smith,
II hole made in a wall by cannon-ball is
sailed breach, would two such holes make pair
Of bfeechesY
Mother father won't be in heaven with US, will
be r why, my child?D because he can't
leave the store"
DR.. Emmons told young preacher that it was
the length, net the depth, Of his sermons which
wsaried his hearers