The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1871-09-23
4er, 4orth- #tst.
THE CONQUEST or AnERICA.
4 eTARfLlNQ aTQRY.

THE CONQUEST or AnE1ICA.
AsrAs7LNo STORY.
The following is supposed to have been
written IN 1902 by Max Adeler, who Was .
witness Of the terrible scenes which occur.
ed Ut the time Of which the story tells The
English satire. 1.-THE Battle OF Dorkiog,"
supplied the suggestion for this prophetic
tale. We do not think any one win enjoy
the ridiculous humbuggery Of the article
more than Mr. Greeley. Il Is stfong satire
upon the usual style in which Mr.. Greeley
Il criticised by his fellow editors:
"iou ask me 10 tell you, my children. Of
the events which Immediately preceded the
destruction Of the once great American I'm.
ion and the capture Of the country by It's
present rulers. and 10 say something. also,
of the causes which led 10 these depjosxble
results. undertake the task with heavy
heart. for whenever revert to that terrible
time ! cannot help contrasting our proud
condition up 10 that fatal year with the hu
initiating position occupied now by the
American people. The story Il short one
IT, The fall Ut 1912 Hnrace Greeley, the edi-
tor Of newspaper in New York. was elect.
I'd President Of the United States. The
people voted for him because they believed
him 10 le nn honest man. And 70 he was
But he was s'so vain and weak, and he en-.
iertained teri"in fanaiical and preposicr0us
notions about agricultural matters, for In.
siance--whi'h he was determined to force
upon the people ut oil hazards and despite
Nil opposition. He believed. among other
things. that every man ought to 20 to the
West to esrn his bread, and long before he
wus chosen President be used to advise
everybody 10 remove to that region - .
cure for NJ disasters which could befall the
human family.
las snn Ms he reached the executive
mansion. which, We used to call the White
House. President Greeley organized an
army of two hundred thousand uren. and
proceeded 10 force the entire population Of
the scaboard States westward ct the point
OF the bsyonet. The utmost violence was
used. Those who resisted were shot down.
and their dead bodies were carted off to .
national factory. which the President had
established for making some kind of fantas.
tical fertilizer. All the large cities of the
East were dcpopulated, and the towns were
entirely empty. The army swept before It
millions of men. women and children. until
the vast plains west Of Kansas were reached,
when the pursuit erased. and the army was
to shoot any person who attempted to visit
the East. OF course hundreds of Thousands
Of these poor creatures perjehed from s,arv.
etion. This seemed To frighten President
Greeley. and he sent message 10 Congress
recommending that seven hundred thousand
volumes Of hook of hrs. entitled, What l
Know About Farming, should be voted for
the relief of the starving sufferers. This
WAS done. and farming implcmente and seed
were supplied; and then the millions Of
wretchcd Outcasts made an effort to till the
ground. Of tho result Of this will speak
further on.
I'm The meantime the President was do.
Ing infinite harm Ia the country In another
way. His handwriting was 90 fcarfully
and. wonderfully bad that no living man
could read II. And ~, when he sent his
first annual message u Congress the docu
n'ent was devoted wholly to the tariff and
to sgricuItnre-a sentence appeared which
suescq uen''y war entertained to be. Large
cultivation Of ruialAgas end besns 10 the
only hope of the American nation. I am
sure The printer, not being able to inter.
pref this, put 1t IN the following form, In
which form II went N the world: The Car
OF Russia couldn't keep clean IL he washed
himself 10 the whole Atlantic Ocean once
dayv This prevention Of tn message was
Immediately tclegrapbed to Russia BY the
Russian minister. and the Car Was 70 In.
oignant that he instantly declared war.
Just ut this time President Greeley under.
ta'ok I" write some letters to Prince Bic.
Marck on the subject of potato Tot, and.
after giving bis singular views ut great
length. he concluded with the statement
that II the Emperor William said ihst sub.
soil blowing VAS not good L., light coils, OF
that guanO was better than bone. dust. he
was ~ liar. villain and Q SLAYER OF
course. the Emperor Immediately declared
var: and became M ally of Russia and Of
England. against which latter country Mr..
Greeley had actually tceun hostilities n
ready. because the queen 10 her speech from
the throne had declared the 7ribane's I'd.
vocacy of . tariff on pig.iron incendiarv.
and calculated to disturb the peace Of nations,
Unbappily this vac not the full measure of
our disasters.
The President he'd cen. 10 the Emperor OF
Austria . copy Ut HE book, "Wbaa /
Know" etc, With his autograph upon .
hy leaf. The Emperor mistook the signa.
ture for q character of the Austrian eagle.
and he readily joined in the war against the
United States, VI bile France was provoked
to the came act by the fact that, when the
French Minister came tO call ui,on Mr.
Greeley, to present his credentials, the Pres.
ideut, who was writing IN editorial 1t the
time. not compreheuding the French Ian.
gusge, mistook the ambassador for bee.
gar, and. without looking up, handed him Z
quarter and an order for . clean shirt. and
sxid to him: go West, young mango
West" So oil these nations Joined 10 ma
ing war upon the United 6tates They
swooped down upon our coasts and landed
without opposition. for those portions Of
our unhnppy cOuntry were absolutely de.
serted. The President was afraid 10 call
away the army from Kansas 1t flrst, for fear
the outraged people would come east IN
spite Of him. But at list be did summon
the army TO his aid, and It moved 70 meet
the enemy. II Was too late. Before the
troops reached Cincinnati the foreigner
had seized Washington and oil the country
east of the Ohio. and hung the President
the Cabinet and every member OF COesreaa.
The army disbanded In alarm, and the Ia.
vsdcrs moved 10 tho faf West, where thew
found the inhabitants dying OF starvation
because they had followed The advice of
0reeleys book Try, for your 0Sst crop. 10
Tsisc lines. and don't plant more than I
bushel Of quick lime In ! hill" OF cuu5,e
these wretched people were q tbe mercy
Of the enemy, Who, 70 bio credit b 4 I'D.
treated them kindly. fed them, and brought
them back - their old homes. You know
what fO(l0ycd How Prince RrnA~esrh