The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1871-08-09
LONG BRANCH.
B:LLES AND B:AUX IN TN: SURF.
Dogs and Dowagers-An Aphrodits with Q
Story-Hair and Feet Worth Dying For
The Hen and Her Chickens oilet,-
Inane Faces Mistakes-Advent
Of Cretonne-Derar .ures

LONG BRANCH, August s, 1871.
, have come to two conclusions after watching
people batne for half dozen mornings. The first
one is If were pretty woman never would battle
publicly. The second, were an ugly one should
always battle In privacy. ANY woman observing
one or both these conclusions saves herself from
salt water criticism. What ones bitterest enemy
fails to detect the surf makes manifest There goes
q woman In her bath house with mountain OF hair.
q waist round as a pine tree. and No. 1 boots. I
watch for her. She comes out in q blue flannel
blouse, with head like q mans, her actual hair
being not more than two inches long. Her feet.
predestined for No. 6s. bear evidence Of having
been sadly distorted The water nattens her .ure,
and her roundness eongates horizontally. She Ia
quite belle at her hotel though and the beaux who
never saw this Venus emerge rrom the bath shower
her with comp .tments 1t Is high noon now, tho
nags are fully out, and the beach Is alive with
bathers and spectators. Groups SIT about ON the
sand IN bright morning costume. giving picturesque
ness to the scene.
sPANIARD
tall, slender, full bearded and fierce marches into
the surf as II bent ON O hand-tO hand fight with
Neptune. He strikes out with headlong dash,
shooting straight through the first breaker that
meets HIM. and then. losing mis- self-contro, is
landed by the next one on the strand like dead
fish, An elderly woman In
CRIMSON FLANNEL,
with white stripes, approaches a group OF girls
seated on spread out waterproof, with the ejacula
ton, "DO you know your mOthers" Then the girls
laugh and follow with their eyes the stout soul %
she struggles in the waves, gro ing more and moro
ugly as she sOaks "How arc you, Snads" sh .uts Q
man 10 his sister, as, emerging from dlferont
"boxes," they meet for mutual help in the
sea. He confident and full OF nerve, enters
boldly; she. timid and feeling like SOMEBODY
wishes she could turn into something infinitely
smaller, squats down in the water as soon
as her leet are wet, and begins to scream. or
course the man does his duty-carries her out until
the water encrcles her neck, when breaker washes
over her mead and she Is fully initiated. She con-
Cudes sne can neither look nor feel any worse. and
80 decides 10 enjoy 1t. yard from the shore man
Is beckOning to what we conclude to be woman,
"Come out here. I'll take care OF you he sh Juts
She seems not to hear, and the fellow, with O few
arm strokes reaches her ana endeav0rs to take her
by force. "lndeed, SIR" she says turning from him
With dignity, al would be obliged to you ii you
would be less familiar" ''wny. it's Toni" shouts
another, AMI the lady turns back at Toms jolly
laugh to recognize her lover. "Wny, ID 1t your
never dreamed had seen such an 0bjecs telOre ~
and they b0tn laughed together, and probably lOvo
each other all the Deter for the m0mentary misun-
derstanding But now may old ocean tremble,
for full 300 pounds or feminine avoirdupols
has decided to Datne. She belongs to that class Of
dvwagers who tOtter over tlio dining room hO0r
nlaAing all ieel Qu,verin1 selse OF taer presence
Now. u LAX woman lsnt pOetc nor artistic, n0r
any OF the other euphOni0us les In the water, but
she isn't vulgar. But put fat woman-a two hun.
vn ,or were se snr an sac
Tue lOAfers smoking on the beaUh giggle ana make
comments as the surf makes the outlines OF her
pudg'ne55 mUle and more statue ,quc, while she,
good soul. serene In her own fatness assumes oil
the phases or udicrous attitude, until the beach IS
frs,n ipnff. tnno ropfl txniv Nnpn
Is an
slrs ana d06 your hats at the sight, Her feet are
wnite milk aud sputless as baby's. Her black
halr, free from net or fliet, nipples down to where
bend OF her KIN g. She is clad In Scarlet let
Of the Old time dye, that salt water does not
fade Now per bonny feet are in tue water aud you
wish you had them UOtn ia your MAIDS to bear them
forever above anything SO cod and Keen as this
water fne liIepre serving rope threads her taper
finger, she goes down and down until only the
br sht braid OF ner nat marks the enchanted spot
wnere sue stands. he surf beats her spitefuily,
pummeug her tender flesh, ana In lew minutes
she rises into uer vision asain You Dokin to feel
socitous, hoping the water Will slide or ner as ir
does oil from duck. that she should emerge be.
dragged, dripping aad ugly MAKES your sari feel
ugls You wall not LOOK at ner, Gu SurrepttiOusy.
Very well. Here sne comes, without mince or
prulery. You have stu ilcd anatomy proportions
and Rnsiiin, ana lo here IS the realization OF your
IDOL But. then, somebody says she Is Madame
WAITING MAID,
and somebody else says she has "story," which
temaa aud MS wife sought our snores Tor various
reasons. but principally to incur better fortune
Tle wiie died III less tian year, leaving little
daughter. Grief aud misfortune destroyed the
health OF the father and he SOON followed his vito
to the grave The chid became an OBJ of charity
and subsequently filled the position Of ady's maid,
her high bred ways and c.cver fingers making her
valuable AID to q fine lady. Two years ago she
learned that she had fallen heresS to handsome
ioitune left her by one OF ner fathers relatives. But
she Was not 10 come into possession OF 1t until
twenty years Old as 1t had been bouad uD with
t0nS anu precauti0n3 as The TACT OF her existence
was almost mythical III the minds Of her PARKWAY
educated. having had KIND mistress and
has She. the good sense not to ny on at
So nnss for pre e rsr To er
shapey self, here waddes an old fellow, with feet
ma, and sprawlng as dlck's and distinguished
with bunions lie Is bald red-la cd and fluffy"
But he swims like porpoise and hoats like a log.
lie looks just as ugly as his feminine contemporary
we were laughing over moment ago. only we are
more accustomed to masculine proportions Ia prose
apparel
TIE CONTINENTAL QUARTET
nave fallen into Iine IN the SURF: by quartet
mean mother and three daughters, who are the
old lady, ENJOYING happy medium between bonds M
and brunette The daughters are blonde--of the
shade yney nave been mere forngns
They dress three times a DAY and always appear In
calls new .n. oAs s. .r i%S%s young fellow
90 everything IN company, cen to bathing.
When breaker rolls over them four lhroats are
illed with salt water. four screechcs cut the air.
aud there Is general nghting about OF four some
what mature feminines. gentleman this morn
ing took the hDerty II advise them to close their
mouths when the breakers roll.
over there a man Is taxing In his
Doc FOR A
The poor creature looks full OF fear and sadnesp'
aud his master holds HIM In HIS arms IKE little
cnild. fonto snuygles ND 10 the mans neck, and
loons distraught as the water cnils i,ni. With q
gu lex movement his master mas MIN In the water
holding his head up by MS ears. The last to 70
out IL another lat sister Ia STR ped gown hanging
loosely from the shoulders. The water fills ner SAILS
ana she looks like liiepreserving apparatus gone
mad The women on the sands discuss bathing
costumes. One declares that she once thought
anything good enough to bathc IN; put las
changed her mind, and next year she shall have,a
suit OF stun morecn, lined with nannei. with oil
manner vi pus anu ruflics To give II STYLE" There's
q sound OF thunder, dark clouds loom over t no
ocean and the gay iudicrous scene BREAKS I'D III 4,
general scamper.