The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-11-11
cREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

A Racine girl wanted her lover 10 swear on
the bible Tat she was ali the world TO him, and
when he wouldn't she Knocked him down with
the sacred volume
An Indiana groom kissed the bride 80 loudly
as to ex >rt II round .! app. ,use from the assem-.
bled audience az the wedding.
And now all the g.ris axe g.A!iug toaI they
ray have for Il groom lndi.r4 man.
The sta,e Reqistcr makes a very sensibls. sug.
peston that as the base bali season il over those
who have devoted the summer to this amuse.
ment should now turn their attention to saving
wood during the winter season for the benefit Of
widows aud sick people Thi, exercise would
be more healthy and less dangerous than ball
playing and would be infinitely more comme:d.
able. AS notorie:y Is the motive, in display of
physical efficiency the CD hampton wood-s.wyer
could immortalize bis endurance in this way
quite as efectually, and lay up n store Of happy
reflections for after days.
Just imagine the late Shabbona nine pitted
against some rural nine with their captain
cred with glory, snow and frost. and, dangling
from his champion belt, that tin sword and saw.
ing wood for the championship!
Charlie Southland, OF the Grundy Herald, is
reveing in the luxury OF reading love letters
from infatuated shool iris to their juvenile
SWANS, and Oicc gersa.
The other evening at the post.ofice we heard
young man--a red neck-tled biped-sxpressing
his contempt for some "Father in Israel who
had been rebuking him for rudely staring at a
couple of nice looking girls who had just passed.
"Why,' said this young man of the ensan.
guined neck.tie, "that old fool thinks man
shouldn't never look at the girls" "Oh no."
continued lac, in Il tone Of intense sarcasm.
'!they can't bear it, they regard it as insult;
they sling on all that style, all them feathers
and curs, fuses and frills purpose to CRAFTY
their mothers, suppose"
That a good thing, "Chawles, but where did
it originate?
We know OF country editor who is very
proud. lie refuses TO recognize his mother.in.
law. Che following explains the wherefore Of
Nhet is it that nobody wants, yet nobody
likes to lose "A lawsuit.
7. S.-Wo have got two or three of them
things.
Whoever wishes FOR IN nm brels 40 fashioned
that is silk msy be shu, up within the stick,
may have MS desire 10y huylng rhabdoskido.
pheros."
We believe We shou,d prefer ours "plain, "
formidable name might no. only be protec.
ton 'gainst rain, bat tornados and lightning.
The Peru Le1o.d says, tine Peru L. S. is de.
funct." Il. s." stands for seal We thought
Peru wss out of seals
The Her@N also gravaly inform. US of "the
'emhcEs' o. the dying yo.r--Sept-e Nov.em.
Der, and December Tes, we rem,crabsr
a nca iaala,o lecturer, Louise Holden. starts
Oh wa the proposition that man is not Mn op-
fi..'. 81 tyraAt, htt has some good qualities a.
We'll BE-. woman. Louise, these word, are balm
20 the .ckea heart Q. man; fly to tia arms.
Yes, .ise, and .ao,e arms are ours Come
A w~=gish editor gravely suggest this obsu rd
cit Of folly:
love mode Of yeasonug--lnau and woman
putting their heads together
And this:
How ID young Indies show their dislike TO
masiachcs'-Ay setting heir faces against
them.
The extreme verge OF absurdity is about to Re
reached
A follow named Quincy has discovered "a
slort r0ate TO China, lie proposes to so up in a
balloon beyond the influence of the earth and
anchor Until China comes round and then drop
down upon the Celestals He will breathe
through Ions rubber tables, and hold on, we
s,uppo:a to the horn&f the moon. Good idea,
don't it,
It seems that they have dead letters" or
something else that is dead in the mails down at
Canton, according 10 the Ledgcr, viz:
day or two 4ace. in opering the mail bag,
Jc. and Davis were knocked down by the "per-
fume" which came from the bag. The perfume
came from good sized package, directed and
covered with various stamps. Contents un.
known, but loud.
The Carlyle Constitution and Union gives
Grant the champion. enterprise man, notice as
follows:
Brigham Young looks to Grant for deliverancc
from I'll, ooubles with which no 10 surrounded.
Having approved the principle of pOlygsmy by
PardoninS Bowen Of South Carolins, it is hardly
70 be expected that the present.taker will aban-
dCA lis great eayocato and representative. AS
Brigham, however, has neglected to evnce his
admiration ty presents, 1t possible that Grants
feelings may not be rs warm toward him as they
were toward Bowen
The Washington Chy0Hicie says that Grants
stable tat Washington, when fn,shod-est,ma,ed
cost $JOOoO-wiil attract many visitors, and
'may be us much sought after as the fam.
ed stables OF tho queen OF England at Windsor"
That's refreshing to our republican simplicity
Think oi the American masses paying court to
suuA an establishment as that. But what shall
We DO with it when the services of the chief
IL