The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-03-31
COUSIN SALLY DILLARD.
/ LEGAL SKETCH N THE ..sonrn STATE

r ~.
1 LEGAL SKETCH IN THE s.Sonrn STATE
Scene-A Court of Justice in Nortl
Carolina.
a beardless deciple of Themis rises
and thus addresses the Court: MAY
it please your worship, and you, gen.
tlemen OF the jury, since it has been
my fortune. (good or bad, I will moi
say, to exercise myself in legal dis.
quisihons, it has never befallen me
10 be Obliged to prosecute SO direful
marked and malicious an assault. q
more wilful, violent, dangerous bat.
terry, and finally more diabolica]
breach of the peace has seldom hap.
pened in civilized country. But you
will hear from the witnesses"
The witnesses being sworn. two O,
three were examined and deposed.-
One said he heared the noise but he
net see the fight; another that he had
seen the row but didn't know who
struck first; and third that he was
very drunk and couldn't say much
about the skirmish.
Lawyer Chops-I am sorry. GENTLE
men, to have occupied your time with
the stupidity of the witnesses examin.
ed. 1t arises, gentlemen, altogether
from misapprehension on my part
Had / known, as I do now, that I had
u witness in attendance who was well
acquainted with all the circumstances,
and who was able to make himself
clearly understood by the court and
jury, should not have so long tres
passed upon your time and patience.
Come forward, Mr. Harris, and be
worn.
So, forward comes the witness-a
fat, chuffy old man, q "leetle" corned.
and took his oath, with an air.
Chops-Harris, we wish you to tell
about the riot that happened the other
day at Captain RECESS and as a good
deal of time has been wasted in cir
cumlocution, we wish you to be COM
penduous, and at the same time as
explicit as possible.
Harris-Adzactly (giying the lawyer
u knowing wink, and at the same time
clearing his throat) Captain Rice.
ae gin treat and cousin Sally billiard.
she come over to our house and axed
me If my wife she mountn't 90. I
told cousin Sally billiard, that nv
wife was poorly, being as how she
had touch of the rheumatics In her
,hip, and the big swamp was MP, for
there has been heap of rain lately
but whomsoever, as it was she, cousin
Sally billiard, my wife she mout eo.-
Well, cousin Sally billiard then axed
me If Nose he moutn't go? / told
cousin Sally billiard, that he was fore
man OF the crap, and the crap was
amarty In the grass, but whomsoeyer
as 1t was she. cousin Sally billiard
Mose he mout 60
Chops-In the name of common
sense. Mr.. Harris, what do you mean
by this rigmorle?
Witness-Captain Rice he Gin a
treat and cousin Sally billiard she
come over to our house and axed me
if my wife if she mout,nt go? I told
cousin Sally Dillard-
Chops-Stop sir, if you please; we
don't want to hear anything about
your cousin Sally billiard and your
wife; tell us about the fight at Rice's.
Witness-I viii. sir, if you will let
ne.
Chop1Well, sir, go on.
Witness-Well, Captain Rice he gin
a treat, and cousin Sally billiard come
over to our house and axed me If nv
wife sle mout'nt go
Chops-There it is again. Witness
please stop.
witness-Well, sir what do you
want?
Chops-We want to know about the
ight and you must not prccsed in this
lmpertinent story. Do you know am
hing about the matter before the
Court?
Witness-To be sure I do.
Chops-Well, go on.
Witness-We1 Captain Rice he gin
a treat, and
Chops-This is intolerable. MAY It
please the court, move that this wit
less be committed for contempt; he
seems to be trifing with the Court.
Court-Witness you are now before
a court of justice, ard unless you be-
have yourself in more becoming
manner, you will be sent to jail. So
begin and tell what you know about
the fight ct Captain Rice's.
Witness-(alarmed)- We'll, gentle
1nen, Captain Rice gin a treat, and
cousin Sally DilIard-
Chops-I hope the witness may be
ordered into custody.
Court--lafter deliberation)-Mr.
Attorney, the court is of the opinion
that we may save time by letting the
witness go on in his own way. Pro-
ceed, MIR. Harris, with your story,
but stick to the point.
Witness-Yes, gentlemen. Well,
Captain Rice he gin treat, and cous-
n Sally billiard she came over to my
house and axed me if my wife mout'nt
go? I told cousin Sally billiard that
Iay wife she was poorly, being as how
zshe had the rheulnatics In the hip, and
the big swamp was up; but whomso-
ever as it was she, cousin Sally billiard
my wife she mout go. Well, cousin
Sally billiard then axed me if Nose,
he mout'nt go? I told cousin Sally
billiard as how Nose he was foreman
of the crap, and the crap was smartly
IN the grass, but, whomsoever, as it
was she, cousin Sally billiard she
anout go.
So they gees on together-Mose,
my wife and Cousin Silly Dillard-
and they come to the big swamp, and
It was up, as was telling you: but