The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1871-07-14

SHORT. RT.sIGHTED-a draft payable on
demand.
DANGEROUS internal machine-the
last word.
STRAPS for pantaloons are coming in
fashion again.
A BAD sIGN-To sign another mans
name to note.
SHARP faced girls should wear droad
brimmed hats.
EVERY drop in the sea of life imagines
Itself an ocean.
WHEN man snores in his sleep, is
the sound vocal or instrumental?
WHAT word may he pronounced
quicker by adding two more letters to
it? Quick.
LEARNING is wealth to the poor, an
honor to the rich, an aid to the young,
and a support and comfort to the aged.
"HEN and chicken parties, (" to which
only mothers and babes in their arms
are invited, are fashionable in Iowa.
SOMEBODY has given Grant q palace
car. There will be no more peace in
the Grant family until somebody gives
him railroad.
WILLARD YOUNG, the Mormon CO.
Diet at West Point, told an interviewing
reporter the other day that he has six.
teen brothers and twenty-five sisters.
THE Camanche Indians, after numer-
Gus successful experiments, have given
up trying to scalp any of the colored
troops on the frontier. It's impossible
to get good hold.
81 AM the great American traveller"
said Daniel Pratt, as he entered, unin-
vited, certain newspaper office. swell
travel" was the sententious and only
response of the editor.
MANY true heart that would have
come back, like the dove to the ark, af-
ter its first transgression, has been
frightened beyond recall by the savage
charity OF an unforgiving spirit.
"The lastwo is the most dangerous
of Internal machines. Husband and
wife should no more strive to get it than
they would struggle to get possession of
q lighted bombshell.
A NEW Hampshire Irishman became
frightened while being lowered into a
deep well the other day, and cried out
to the men above that If they did not
haul him up he'd cut the rope. To save
the rope they hauled him up.
swell, always make 1t a rule to tell
my wife everything that happens"
said Browning. "Oh, my dear fellow,
that's nothing" said Smithkins, "I tell
my wife lots of things that never hap.
pen at ALL"
A SHORT time since Mr.. Knott was
arrested in an interior county of Georgia
for violation of law. The verdict O
the jury was, tive find the defendant
Knott guilty." The judge was at los
whether to sentence Knott or not t,
sentence. He took time to consider.
THE writer of an obituary notice O
an estimabe lady says that the bereav
ed husband was "hardly able to bea
the demise of his wife" Imagine hi
disgust on reading in print that the be
reaved husband was "hardly able +
wear the chemise of his wife,"
"Why does the operation of hangin
kill man?o
because the inspiration is checked
circulation stopped, and the blood su
fuse and congests the BRAIN"
"Bosh! 1t is because the rope is nc
long enough to let his feet touch tn
ground"
The Mount Vernon Haukeye saw
that good joke Is told of Cedar RaI
ids petition man, who was seen in tn
cemetery copying names from the tomt
stones upon his petition. After gettin
quite list, heexclaimed 81 guess yo
can't go back on US like some othe
did. Dead men tell no tales"
IN civilized, semi-civllized, and ba
barous nations, people have the san
disposition to ascribe any effects II
causes ofwhich they cannot understaI
to supernatural agencies. The Chine
have great faith in the power of devi
among whom they includeall foreigner
A line of telegraph about fifteen mil
long was lately constructed near Shan
hal, and after puzzling their brains ov
the manner In which messages we
transmitted, the Cinnamon finally can
TO the conclusion that they were carri
along the wires by devils In the empl
of the foreign barbarians. To this In
made no special objection, until q Chi
amen chanced to die suddenly in
house which stood near one of the te
graph poles. 1t then occurred to
tive genius that one Of the devils h
come down from the wire and kill
the man; whereupOn his compatrit
gathered together and demolished /
line in very short arlar