Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1871-06-08
Confessions Of Patent Medicine Man.
ny Ralph ke~'~r.


was building large factory i'm tn
town, and | began business in the i'm
mediate neighborhood. Ny prircipa
customers were the workmen employc,
upon the building. | sold two rlasse
of lemonade FOR five cents and befor
that factory was done / had mad
twenty-five dollars, all in silver. no
counting what was trusted out an,
which l never got. | hadn't nv pres
ent knowledge of chemistry in thos,
days. did not know the virtues o
Old iemon-pcels. tartaric acid. AM
brown sugar, in the connection o
lemonade; but no matter. mad,
money out of the legitimate article
though 1t was rather weak.
1t was about this time, think. ,ha,
l commenced TO wonder If | should
when | grew 10 be = man, have to wors
so hard as | saw most of the people in
my thrifty neighborhoo.l working. and
l resolved tina, | would not. To sell
lemonade to the builders of that fac
tory, for instance. was far easier than
To carry hod toilsomcly up the build.
ing, th"aght. and about as profitable.
So determined that some one else
must carry the hod through life, and
leave me TO merchandise in the shade.
Ny next venture was in sewing silk.
The foreign article was then selling fcr
five cents a skein. | purchased lin,
American stamp for sixty cents t.se
hundred skeins. and peddled it at in
mcnse profit, two skeins for five cents.
/ lhe only connection which | can di-
cover between this and nv next busi.
ness Is such an imaginary one as would
be suggested by two wooden spoo!s.
These ! had turned together, with art.
ful little creases bet Seen for the In.
sertion OF bogus cement which took
TO selling. or course | challenged
people 10 pull the two spools apart,
and when they failed in the attempt,
l generally sold them some Of N,
ware. NV cement was represented 10
be infallible in the mending of leather,
wool, and crockery. | had a pair OF
traces from an old harness which al.
lowed the incredulous teamst-r 10 try
with his horse. The places where they
had ostensiole been stuck together hal
been merely peeled up and filed around
with cement, leaving all sound be-
meath. That test was, in the main
satisfactory 10 the nnsophisticated
farmer and others, and my sales were
large. My attempts. however, with
crockery were for long tirne hazard.
Gus. and often humillating. Finally
hit upon the discovery that my cemen,
would not hold in that brittle ware til
it had had three days TO dry and be
fore the three days expired took good
care TO be well out of reach.
This venture was generally proiita
bic, but some uncomfortable influence
as you will see, kept me always drift
ing toward the great pursuit of my life
the patent-medicine business. By son.
lucky inspiration | now made NV frs.
invention in that line. | discovered /
new style Of cough-lozenges and corr
salve. One invention sprang directl,
out Of the other. IL was in "A con
sumptive country, which Of course sus.
! gested the cough -lozenges but every
body could no, he supposed TO have
cough. SO II occurred 10 me that, i,
| that country at least, those who did
not have the consumption had corns
hence the compleinental inspiration o
the salye. IL was boyish guess, bui
proved tolerably correct. had tls
general public. rs you see, by the ,hros,
and feet. l have since learned, (,
course. that if you get their head:
alone interested in professional vent
ure Of any kind, their stomachs WI
take almost anything prescribed.
think, however, any unprcjudIced per
son will see Il natural talent for nv
peculiar line of business in the CON
prehensiveness which, in this earl,
scheme, took in human nature, as
may say, by means of its two extremi
ties. Indeed, a scientific gentleman
now in my employ assures me that
had even then hit upon what he an
Dounces as the most general principl,
in the application patent Iadteri,
medica, namely, produce for sale onl,
such medicaments as shall be deeme,
the necessary products of the extreme
of the general public, and they vii
always be equal to the products O
their means.
My cOrn-salve was made of potas
and gum arabic. 1t would do its worl
in five minutes, but Of course it mad
the foot outrageously sore afterward
This was matter Of very little incor
venience to me, because my busines
required me to be moving continual
from place to place. l always mar
aged to get out of town on the foo
tide Of my reputation as an efiectiy
chirOpodist. 1t will be easily believe
that l did not acquire my skill an
self-reliance as an operator all ut ono,
My corn-salve grew in my confidenc
from the feet it fed on. Yon thin
that 10 a queer expression! You cal
not, then, be aware of the corrosiv
: nature Of potash. Well, sir, exper
ence and specia, knowledge are ever,
, thing in ones business. l will col
, fess that J was nervous before my fir,
. patent. The salve had never bee
: tried, and friend told me had bett,
not try it. But my subject was goc
one. and rather an anomaly, too.
: life. l think you hardly ever heard b
E fore Of poor shoemaker with corn
That describes my first patient.
). mustered up courage, ut last, al
6ourished an old razor at him wi
> quite professional air for youth
: sixteen. The job was not as neat
, one as l learned to do afterward, b
still it gave temporary satisfaction
: and l sold that shoemaker two box
of the salve.
And thus went over q wide exte
= Of territory, leaving l know not VIII
= number Of sore feet behind me. l ha
no better idea how much more ped
e distress ! might have worked on
| Cro<oss1<ua r.<,sn snun;tu haI Il NOT k<