The Portland daily press., 1871-08-12

How to Get Berth I'm N Sleeping Car.
BY DoNN PIATr.
never left depot yet that somebody was
not put in my care. 1 don't know why this
is; suppose it is something in my counte-
nance; If L knew what, / would have it ex-
tracted. don't like having unprotected
females and school boys and girls turned over
to me. It's little hard on a man. And
what is the good OF it? Nobody needs pro-
lection; If any one does, it is a benevolent,
good looking. innocent sort of man-such
as the writer of this.
was reminded of this by an adventure
that happened to me the other night in New
York. l was about leaving on the nine
O'Clock train tor Washington when a man
who was in search OF me approached [
knew he was in search of me. He was in
search of some respectable, benevolent indi-
vidual to put woman under his care. And
he did. She happened to be rather good
looking, and didn't object in a violent way,
but was neither very graceful hor gracious
over the ompliment.-When l came to Sc
cure section in the sleeping car, found
that delegation of pious people was going
to Washington on some charitable business
and had taken nearly all the berths. Sc
cured two-at least l thought had-and
marched my female with her two carpet sacks,
Stidp odtCuci, d mOChiuS UHu anu d SILK UNI
brella, with waterproof and two shawls
done up in straps, into 161. When We ar
rived inside, l leared for the first time that
my unprotected female could not abide the
sleeping cars. She said she felt like suffocat-
ing, and wished secretly she would suffo-
cate; but when we came to occupy our
berths l made two disagreeable discoveries
The first was that the two tickets called for
the same berth the other that this berth was
al IL
lively that she could not get into that berth.
l informed her that it was her only chance to
sleep, and she told me that she would rather
sit up. then gave her the further intorma-
tiOn that that was all very well, but in the
sleeping car there was no place 10 sit except
on wash basin, and that thought would be
rather incOnvenient. At last, with the aid of
a step ladder, the steward, and two pious old
POmps, my unprotected female was boosted
into her roost, and the curtains closed over
her for the night.
Then came the question as to what will be-
come OF the undersigned. / consulted the
conductor and the steward, and had the sat
isfaction OF hearing the fact stated that if l
had told them earlier the blunder might have
been remedied. But as it was, the pious dele
cation had retired for the night, and ali the
berths were occupied. The conductor, how
ever, told me that he would try and make
some arrangement, and then went off about
his business.
A drunken man had been captured on the
platform as we started, whera he was found
addressing the stars in a vocierous way, the
sleeping-car ticket fished out of his pocket,
and the inebriate fellow chnckod Into an up
per berth. l was leaning against the wash
stand of the car in a very melancholy way
some time after, when this intoxicated fellow
stuck his head out and, addressing me, said !:
81 would like to have a drink"
"Nater?" said /.
mo, darn water! want some whiskey;
am dry as chip"
SWELL" l responded, 81 am sorry to say that
have none about me"
saint you the conductor?,
"No," responded, 81 don't believed am ,,
"Nor do l. Ii YOU wei the conductor. Won
would have something TO drink. Where is
the conductor"
told him that he was In the next car.
WELL said he, 81 have great mind to
get up and hustle round till l get a drink.D
"My Christian friend" 1 said, "there is
is nothing in the constitution nor in the SIX
teen amendments that prohibits you from
getting up and hunting drink if you want
Whe.eupon the Observation-Disclosures rolled
out of the berth. He rolled into several 9th
ers and was promptly elected, and at last, get
ting his legs, disappeared at the further end
of the car.
took In the situation at glance. Here
was berth vacated. Above il was a white
hat. L Immediately removed that white hat.
carried it further along and put it over a
Christian Association, who was lost in the
sleep of innocence and peace, and then re-
turning ensconeed myself in a berth vaeat-
ed by man who had constitutional right
to drink. l was dropping into slumber,
for | always sleep on car devoted to that
business and invented by Mr.. Pullman; the
| motion has the same effect upon my brain
| that rocking has upon child, and not only
| sleep easily but profoundly. In few sec.
4 onds should have been beyond all disturb.
ances, but it happened was awakened out
OF my first wink by row in an adjoining sec
i ton. There seemed 10 be a pitched battle
going on between one of the delegates and a
1 gentleman who claimed the berth to be the
one he had just vacated. heard him say,
"No~ get out Of that; !" and he called the good
man the offspring OF female dog, adding
| thereto some very profound language. The
| conductor came TO the rescue of the weary
delegate, and when the man called attention
l to the fact of the white hat, he puzzled him
sorely by showing him two or three white
hats further along in the same car. At this
The inebriate passenger dessted, but as soon
| as the conductors back was turned renewed
the SIGHT with the next white hat, insisting
just as positively that that was his berth, and
With the same profound and violent language
and seuffle. He was repulsed only to begir
again, and he kept fighting these good Chris
tian gentlemen who were so unfortunate Al
to have white hats, until fell asleep anC
dreamed till morning OF my earlier youth
of the church not around the corner but II
the glen. where the forest trees brushed
against the windows, and the s,inlight cam
down IN response to the prayers. of t'de beau
| tiful maldens, dignifed matrons and sn,"wy
headed fathers of the land. l only awokt
when entering the sinful city cf Washington.
A little travestie of fashionable correspond
ence was published some years ago, which
puts in an amusing light the absurdity both
of writing pet names and of fashionable pre-
cocity. The writers are supposed to be youne
ladies' of eight years or thereabouts-snci
young ladies as are now fguriny in "chidren'. ].
balls" at the watering places, If the Scores
pondents" truly report. The first note raI
thus: miss Minsie SmiLh's compliments II
Miss Maggie Jones, and desires the pleasure
of her company this evening. Refreshment
at eleven" The response was: "Miss Maggi,
Joness compliments to Miss Minnie Smith
with regrets that prior engagements preclude
| ha nla rf is 20 h.