New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1871-10-22

| Somebody knows that she'll say ay!
| Fifty Boston barkeepers were lately be
fore one judge for dealing in spirituous
liquors.
The intelligent jury in Pennsylvania, wher
a notorious scoundrel pleads guilty, in
variably find him not guilty. They are no,
to be deceived in that way, you know.
| A domestic revelation. Nice boy-"I'n
jolly glad you's going to stop with us. ;
visitor-"Are you, darling! Why SO
| Nice boy Cause we shall have nice din
ners now
There is girl sixteen years of age in
Appanoose county. Iowa, who has in the
last two years raised $1,000 worth Of hogs
! for the market. She attended to them en-
tirely herself.
A facetious young gentleman from Gin
cinnati received the charge of "a shotgun in
return for his courtesy in calling an Indiana
farmer up in the night to advise him to take
in his chimney as it was freezing weather.
Two scayengers were quarrelling as to
their respective working abilities. when one,
meaning to silence his mate. said: WELL
Bill, you can take the middle Of the stree.
but YOU can't do an ornamental piece of
work, like sweeping round a lamp post
A kind-hear;ed but illiterate livery stable
keeper. who could not bear to see horse
ill-rreateG. used to say. with sincerity, and
as lie believed with perfect accuracy, MY
hostility to them as abuses horses was born
unto me. and comes as natural a.
breathiu'.''
why is it, said a teacher to ecape-
grace who had caused her much trouble bv
bad conduct, ..yon behaved so well when
Won first came to school and are so disobe-
dent now!" because, said young hopeful.
looking up into the teachers face, II wasn't
much acquainted then.
The last Hearth ond Home has picture
representing purchaser of carpets object
ing to the price. High, madam" e.
claims the salesman. "why, these CARPETS
are sacrificed at three dollars yard.
Tweed & Co. paid Us more than thousand
dollars yard for just such carpet"
.See here. Jim Brown; did you ever say
that my father hadn't as much sense as Sam
Smiths yeller dog" No, l didn't say any
such thing. l said that Sam Smiths weller
dog had more SENSE than your father ever
had. and that's every word said" well,
it's lucky You didn't cay the other thing, l
tell you!"
Dean Stanley had parrot which one'day
escaped from her cage, to the great con
s,erna,ion of the dean and company of
visitors at his house. On searching the
grounds pretty Polly was found swinging
on the topmost branch of a tree. Seeing 50
large an audience. she said with edifving
gravity: Let Us pray.
An old blunder of the types in an eve
wing paper astOunds the public with the IN
form alton that gentleman has applied for
divorce from his wife on the ground Of
'.incombatabiity of temper" We suppose
this means that the wife would not show
frI, IN ,Ep inn ~ frl.
lying her interes sting. Such u woman might
indeed tire on: the patience of any man.
Tie Empress Eugeuie is to stay with her
mother two months. She Went to Madrid
via Southampton and Lisbon. The carriage
of the Spanish consul was at the SOuthamp-
ton railway station to convey her to the
steamer. She was attended by two servants,
and. ladies may be Interested to learn, wore
a dark dress-the material and make. alas!
are not specifed-and black hat with plume.
Gilman, Illinois, is pleasantly agitated by
a recent eiopement The lover went after
his girl in light vehicle, with mufeed
wheels. While an accomplice drove heavier
adapted to making as much noise
as possible. The lady being duly deposited
in the mutfied vehicle. the heavy one dashed
OF at furious rate, with papa in hot pur-
SUIT while the lovers were nOiSclesslv driv-
ing in the opposite direction. and shortly
became man and wife.
The great objection 70 artesian wells in
some localities is the character OF the water
supplied from the deep springs. OF six
Wells sunk in Cook county, Illinois, i've
are unpleasant TO the taste. with a sui
phurous odor. and corrodc the steam boil
ers by leaving deposit of white powder.
The wells mentioned are sunk to depths Of
twelve hundred feet. at an expense varying
.rOy rn Il
70 10000 gallons per day.
Sturgeon tells tie following: Il like the
story OF the servant maid who, when she
was asked on joining the church: Are You
? Il hope so. sir What makes
rou think you are really child of Godr
Well. sir. there is a great change in me
rom what there used to be- What is that
'hange Z don't know. sir. but there's
,hange in all things; but there is one thing,
always sweep under TIE mat now"
A travelling gentleman passing farm in
Vermont. saw a hoy at work in a corn field
~ the roadside. and. being of an inquiriDg
urn of mind. he stopped his horse and thus
addressed the Youth: MY son. whose farm
5 this = Dads" was the laconic reply.
Does your father raise any stock !" Yes,
OTIS NV EN-" What kind!" continued the
stranger. Corn stock smostly." was the
he articles.
A gentleman who lef. San Francisco on
he morning OF the second of August arrived
It Liverpool on the night of the nineteenth
# the same month. Making an allowance
or the difference Of time will reduce the
Quincy to seventeen days of twenty-fOUr
tours each. The whole distance by railroad
nd steamer is six thousand three hundred
nd fortv-tour miles. which, divided by
eventeen. gives all average for each days
ravel of fraction over three hundred and
eventy-three miles.
A city DESTROYED because boy took
erosene lamp into stable-a yacht burned
n Long Island Sound because the yachts
ian threw down kerosene lamp-cOunt-
ass individual cases of manning or of death
ecause kerosene is used carelessly in the
Ousehold-are not these sufficient reasons
u declaring war against fluid which Is
lore dangerous than gunpOwder! ker0-
ightest trace of the explosive naptha 10
1T in it: but the chemical process OF elm
lation increases the cost, and so the deal
IS buy the cheapest to increase their prohts
Mark Twain tells the following funny in y
dent: IWhy. captain, You appear TO. 70 nave nave
bad cold" Yes, madam said the cap
in, who is fond of working in the garden
'rly in the morning, in his shirt sleeves,
suppose l deserve it. caught 1t While
.eaking the seventh commandment last
lnday.' The party. male ana female,
arted and looked blank, and the lady. n
no brought ont the remark, SAID. as Well
a checking tit would let her: ''Well, upon
Y word. CAPTAIN. considering the unusual
cu uo Of the case, and your present
rroundincs. it was hardly necessary for
y, 10 enter into such full particulars