The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-06-02


Miss Mary Lee, daughter OF tho late
Gen. r. 4. Lee. Is said to be engaged to
MIR. Charles Upton, the cashier of the
First National Bank of Rochester, New
York.
The worst thing in stockings-Corns.
Private earing-listening at a key
hole.
"Belles" call great many people to
church.
Out West when a notorious lazy man
is caught at work, they say he is med.
ding with industry
A man who sat upon paper Of car
pet nails said they reminded him Of the
internal revenue tax.
Good blood will show ITSELF as the
old topper said in reply to a remark
made on the redness OF bis nose.
The saying that there is more
pleasure in giving than receiving ap.
plies to kicks, medicine and advice.
Miss Todd, of Chicago, advertisss for
a husband six feet in height. Here is
a fair chance for young man to get his
todd.
Josh Billings insists 'it is statististi-
kal fakt the wicked work harder. tsw
reach hell than the righteous do to git
to heven.'
is it possible, Miss, you don't know
the names of your friends?' 'Oh, yes,
don't know what my own name may
be in a year..
Steam, said DIR. Lardner, SIS the
great annihilator--it annihilates time
aud space. Yes said another, 'and
multitudes of passengers, toe
A sick man was told that his wife
would propably marry again.
All right. said he, tor there will be
one man that will lament my DEATH
A vag. Observing on the door of a
house the names of two physician, re.
marked that it put him in mind of a
double-barreled gun, if one missed, tie
other would be sure to kill.
George, asked the teaober Of school
class who above all others she'll you
FIRST wish to see when you get to heaven
With face brightesed up with the an
ticipa,ion, the little fellow shouted,
sGerliahr !,
A man was once brought mp before q
magistrate charged with marrying six
wives. The magistrate asked him how
he could be SO hardened q villain.
Please your Worship replied the fell
low, Il was trying to get . good one
A gentleman travelling on a steamer,
one day at dinner, was making away
with large pudding close by, when be
was rold by servant that it was des-
sert. 1t matters not to me. said he, i
would eat it if it was q wilderness
LITERARY FooD.-Poetry is the
flower of literature prose the corn, po.
tatoes and meat; satire is the aquaiortis;
wit is the spice and pepper; love-ie.ters
are the honey and sugar and letters con.
tanning remit,ances are the plums.
| An old lady followed up an Episco.
pal Bishop as he travelled through hi.
diocese, and was confirmed several time,
before she was detected. She wished
the ordinance repeated because she lad
understood it was good for the rheuma
tism.
A country poet, after taking q gener
al view of his life, has come to the fol
lowing rhyming conclusion:
"Oh, / wouldn't live forever,
4 / wouldn't If could:
4 Bat Lsedn'i fret about il,
For couldn't If / would"
A BALL.-Some one describing bal
said il was vast assembiage Of peopl'
who had never met before and who new
er cared to meet again, and that the,
talked little. danced little. ate lii
tle and then went home cross and tires
out, and seandalized not little
4 "A man-w arrested at Rochester, OF
F complaint of his wife: for not support
ing her. His reply to the charge was
he was willing to support his wife, bu
was not willing. to support the Who'll
neighborhood and do his own eookis,
and washing aud ironing.
An exchange lets fly the following
Pulverized alumni and common salt pu
J, on piece of cotton and placed in a hol
|, How tooth will shut up aching SO quicl
you will want to hug US for telling you
but you can't unless you have certif
cate OF good moral character, are mar
. ried woman, and over twenty-five.
A A Bavarian officer in France foun,
one of his men cleaning chicken
PsHalloY cried he, fellow, where did yo
. get that chicken? Don't you know tha
, stealing has been forbidden on pain @
death? A peasant woman gave it t
!, me, was the answer. And what di
! she say?' Well, she didn't say much
) she only. cried
L "A clergyman was once endeavoring
get subscription in aid of some char
table institution out Of . close 6sted pa
, rishioDer, who attempted to excuse hin
self on the ground that he already owe
great deal of money. But said th
minister, you owe God larger debt tina
{ yoa do any one else.' That is SO, pal
!, son; bat then he amt pushing me, lik
the balance of my creditors
!. a raw Irishman, just over, went int
!. q restaurant, and was asked by the wal
!. Ter what he would have why, wittl1
# to ate, ay coorse,, was the reply. /.
VI plate of hash was placed before hin
3 Fot's dat?' demanded Mickey. That
3 wittles', was the answer. Mickey eye
!, = the compound suspciously for some tim
!, and finally exclaimed: BE jabers, Il
il man that chewed that can ate ity
A Galesburg farmer, whose pew rel
y was raised to S25, exclaimed "Gre