Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-11-16
Humorous Readings.

hlcHtn uoseghyr--I aneicc.
Election fruit-the candy-date.
The world in arms-The bsbies.
A demure fower-Tbe primrose.
Undertaker's jokes are apt to be grave.
Visionary fruit-Tbe apple Of the eye.
A pain of glass-A headache.
The labor question-how muchS
A matter of course--a race-track.
No point to sailors-s gsle-s-day.
Schools of design-young widows.
The great American desert-fruit.
A capital 5nsiness-lending money.
The original queue-klux-tbe Chinese.
Autumn hues-cuttibg wood for win.
ter.
Saturn is the celestial Boss" Of the
ring.
The joys of ths dumb are always uu-
speaksble.
The "big iniun of America - irge-
nuity.
Good benevolence - lemonade So
ciety.
A question Of time-asking lady her
age.
A crying sin - taking babies to the
play.
The lay of the burglar-"I know q
bank"
A tax no one likes-sttscks on ones
pocket.
Qnsck-a doctor whose science lies in
his bill.
What is it you can take without hands
A hint.
What ailment may we look for on an
oak-s-corp.
How to make an impression-by dint
of perseverance.
A druggist is not insppropristely term
ed the piller of society.
Are acrobats unprincipled men because
they poise on each other.
A ceol proceeding-sn ice man eloping
with nice girl.
Query What ia the circumference Of
the waste of time9
How many peas are there in piHt p
only one P, surely.
The greatest bore in creation-the
Mont Gents Tunnel.
The mos. likely thing to become wo.
mana little girl.
luxurious perfume 10 beautiful wo-
mantle efs-nee of thyme.
Does a cow hscome la-ded property
when she is turned into a field.
The right man in the right plsce-s
husband at home in the evening.
The most profitable lsundry huaiuess
in Washington territory-warhing out
gold.
The theater of war IA closed for the
present. A peace Is in preparation which
we hope will have an unprecedented run.
Punch.
l. lamp at any time in bad temper
Yes, when it is put out.
When do miners resemble a rrwing
tnb ?-Wben they rest on their ores.
A new hearsa at Indianapolis is
elsimed to be airy and attractive"
Which Of the plaques of Egypt Is most
Ike hat H-Darkness winch may be
felt.
''The city of the sacred soncubiues."is
Grntile name for YouDg's abiding
place.
A most Distressing blow-that of the
pedler with the fish horn, early in the
morning.
Worth noting-this is n good time of
the year to collect sutograpbs-of your
creditors.
A sign in New York reads as follows:
" Ales. wines, liquors, and cigars, on
drsught."
An Oregon toast. over glass of the ar
dent: Here's what makes rs wear old
clothes"
A stupid exquisite, at wedding. wish
ed the bride ''many happy returns Of the
occasion."
Stove pipe hats are ugly enough at beat,
aRd the more stove they are the uglier
they are.
Why are books your best friends ?-Be-
cause you can shut them up without Of
Tending them.
"If am stuck mp, I'm not proud,"as
the butterfly said when pinned to the side
of the show case.
Bslloonists don't care about making
much money. If they can only make
ascent they are satisfied.
Equality says French writer, Means
a de-ire to be equal to your superior, and
superior to your equal"
A wsg, speaking of a blind wood saw.
yer, says that "while none ever saw him
see, thousand have seen him saw"
Mummies do not look as though they
were ia a hurry, yet il is certain that at
first they must have been pressed for
time.
(Scene-crowded church at fashionable
watering place. Lady (emerging from
80, this won't do at all We can
see nothing here
Here is a Saratoga epitaph:
aHere lies the wife # Robert Riculsrs
He walked the way Of God perpendicular"
"You talk of your troubles, but yours
is not such hard case as mine," as ths
oyster said to the fisherman
Why is amoth iatterine round candle,
like man getting off o hsrse e?-Because
they are both going to light.
Some author says that one of the uses
Of sdversity is to bring rs ont. That's
true, especially at the knees and elbows.
OcToBER.-The mean temperature
October, ss observed BY the q. 8. Signal
dicer stationed in Burlington, wss AZ
rs. The rain fell VS. 2 81 inches. The
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