The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-12-23
IfU MOR<DlS.

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Meath the soil.
An opponent Of the public school
system in .ists that if yon teach II boy
to write, he is much less likely to
make his mark in after life.
4 voting lady recently married to a
farmer. one day visited the cov-houses.
when she thus intelTogated her milk
maid. by -tle-Ly. Mary, which one
of these COWS is it that gives the
butternlilh.'
Young people grow most when
in love. 1t increases their sighs Won
derfiully.
Leave yoti my friend" sail Il tip
sy fellow. clinging to IL lamp post on n
dark night; leave you in Il condition
not to take care OF yourself! IIic.
never. u
a niiser grows rich by seeming
poor; ali extravag;lnt man grows poor
by seeming rich.
IF am not at home from the par
ty tonight at ten o'clock, said Il
husband to his better and bigger half
don't wait for me- THAT 1 won t
significantly replied the lady, X
wont wait, but I'll come affeHsss- OF lszssI
The geftlenali returned at ten o'clock
precisely.
A very old man came to King Agis
OF Sparta to lament over the degener-
acy of the times. The King replied:
Nv hat you .ay must be true, for
remember that when a boy heard my
father say that when he was Il boy he
heard my grandfather say the same
thing.
BALL ETIQUETTE In ARKANsAs.-
Look here. stranger, that's my wife
your dancing with"
Well, what OF it ?'' said Racken-
sack.
"Why this: you dance with her
again, and I'll blow the top OF your
head off,
Nov, look hele,'' said Racken-
sack eoolly, .'do you see that UNI
brella setting there:''
"Well, s'pose L do?''
well you handle that umbrella;
you touch that umbrella; you even
look at that umbrella, and I'll ram it
down your throat-t2td then III spread
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At a so-called spiritual sitting in
Hartford recently there was present
woman who incurred the loss of her
colfkort, and, as the manifestations
began to appear, the spirit of the de
parted benedict entered upon the
scene. Of course the widow was now
eager to engage i'll conversation with
| the absent one, and the following dia-
loSue ensued;
Widow-''Are you in the spirit
world -
The Lamented-''I am.'
Widow-''IIow long have you been
there p
The Lamented-'.O some time''
Widow-''Don't you want to come
back and be with your lonely wife ?''t
The 14amented-..Not if [ know
myself. It's hot enough around here. -
A Ne w Jersey paper chronicles that
apple trees are blooming at Borden
town. Ii those blooms come to be
early apples, say about Christmas
worth boarden in. Also, if there are
many boys about. the orchards will
need boardin' III.
a vile wretch says he don't mind
the nakednesS the trees are putting
on, but he notices the corn is shocked.f
Mumlnies do not look as though
they We're in hurry, yet it is certain
that at first they must have been pres
sea IOf Time.
Two ladies were talking about the
sparroWs, and their usefulness in rid
ding tile city of the canller worms
which used to be such Il nuisance. :.
One said that the noisy chirping of
the sparrows early i'll the morning,
when she wanted to sleep, was as
great an evil as the worms; the other
disagreed. Just then a gentleman
came in, and was appealed to: MIR.
A. which do yoa think the worst,
sparrows or worms ?'' He immedi-
ately answered. II don't know: L
never. had sparrows."
4 gentleman travelling in Tennessee.
just after the close of the war, over
heard the following conversation be-
tween two women of that country,
who had been to town and were re-
turning home OH the cars: Mol
"What have you in that paper?" No.
2. s'Soda,' No. 1-s.Sodai what's
soda?'' No. 2-'sWhy, don't yo,
know what soda is? that ere stuff what
you puts in biskits that makes 'eln git
up and hump themselves
The Government of Guatemala Hav-
ing driven the Jesuits from the coun-
try on account of their dangerous in
fiuence in political affairs, has now
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