The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1871-06-16
DAILY PRESS.
PORTLAND.
FRIDAY, JUNE 10, 1871.
Agriculture "A Frand.

A writer in the Cincinnati Times, having
perused Horace Greeley's book about Farm
ing with the immediate effect of becoming
inuddled, indites the following, which he is
careful to explain is ''not by III. c.:
lhe Dasest fraud of earth is agriculture.
Inc ueauiest tgnis fdtuous that ever glitter
Gu 10 peSuhe, ana dazzled to betray is agri-
culture. speak with feeling on This subiect
for Ive been glittered and beguiled. and daz,
zled and destroyed by this same arch de-
cever.
She has made me thousand promises, and
broken every one OF them.
She has promised me early potatoes, and
the rain has drowned them; late potatoes,
and the drought has withered them.
She has promised me summer squashes,
and the worms have eaten them; winter
squashes, and the bugs have devoured them.
She has promised cherries, and the cerculo
has stung them, and they contain living
things, uncomely to the eye and unsavory to
the taste.
She has promised strawberries, and the
young chickens have enveloped them, and the
eye cannot see them.
She has p.omised tomatoes, and the old
hens have encompassed them, and the hand
cannot reach them.
No wonder Cain killed his brother. He
was tiller of the ground. The wonder is
that he didn't kill his father, and then weep
because he hadn't grandfather to kill. No
doubt his Early Rose potatoes, for which he
paid Adam seven dollars barrel, had been
cut down by bugs from the head waters of the
Euphrates. His Pennsylvania wheat had
bnen wnter-killed, and wasn't worth cutting.
His Norway oats had gone to straw, and
would not yield five pecks per acre, and his
black Spanish watermelons had been stolen
by boys, who had pulled up the vines, broken
down his patent picket fence, and written
scurrilOus do9gerel all over his back gate. No
wonder he felt mad when he saw Abel whs-
Ting alcng with his fine French merinoes,
worth eight dollars a head, and wool going up
every day. No wonder he wanted TO kill
somebody, and thought he'd practice on Abel.
And Noahs getting drunk was not at all
surprising. He had thrown away magnificent
opportunities. He might have had a monop-
oily of any profession or business. Had he
studied medicine there would not have been
another doctor within thousand miles 10
call him "Quack;;" and every family would
have bought bottle of "Noah's Compound
Extract of Gopher Wood and Anti-Deluse
Syrup" As a politician, he might have car
ried his own ward solid, and controlled two
thirds of the delegates in every convention.
As lawyer he would have been retained in
every convention. As lawyer, he would
have been retained in every case tried at the
Ararat Quarter Session, or the old Ark High
Court of Admiralty. But he threw away all
these advantages and took to agriculture. For
long time the ground was so wet he could
raise nothing but sweet flag and bulrushes,
and these at last became drug in the
| market. What wonder that when at
last he did get half peck of grapes that
were not stung to death by Japhet's honey
bees, he should have made wine and drowned
| his sorrows in "flowing bowl"
The fact is, agriculture would demoralize
saint. l was almost saint when went into
it. Pm demon now. Pm at war with
everything. l fight myself out of bed
at tour O'Clock, when all my better nature
| tells me to lie still till seven O'Clock, when
fight smyself into the garden to work like
brute, when reason and instinct tell me to
stay in the house and enjoy myself like
man. 1 fight the pigs, the chickens, the moles,
| the birds, the bugs, the worms-everthing
| in which is the breath OF life. / fight the
docks, the burdocks, the mullens, the thistles,
l the grapes, the weeds, the roots,-the whole
| vegetable kingdom. l fight he heat, the
| frost, the rain, the hail-in short, fight the
l universe, and get whipped in every battle. L
have no lmore admiration to waste on the
father of George Washington for forgiving
the destruction of his cherry tree. A cherry
tree is only curculo nursery, and the grand
| father of his country knew it. l have half a
dozen cherry trees, and the day my young
l George Washington is six years old III give
him hatchet and tell him to down with ev'
cry cherry tree on the place.