The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-06-23
sCIssoRINGs.

The Oldest tops in tho world-mour-
tain tops.
New Jersey has got the capital remov.
ing fever.
Ohio is overrun with rats. Introduce
the Chinee.
The seasons not only alternate, but
alter-natur.
Rolling stock-Capital invested in
bowling alleys.
Drinking men Ike drowning men
catch at strsws.
A good way to fnd lady out-call
when she isn't at home.
Caution to ball goers-Never wind up
the evening with reel.
When is lot of corn like a corntr
lot? When it is ground.
The patton which produces the most
marriages must be iaci nation.
Gsw York complains of the preva-
lence Of private gambling houses.
Beecher is so good hon ticullurist that
he can even raise his own salary.
The mosquito as public singer draws
well but never gives satisfaction.
Because Autumn gets mellow, the
example isn't to be initiated by men.
Miners are not always unhappy, al
though their hopes are always in vein,
A stitch in Time may save nine
but he never seems to be entirely sewn
up.
Greedy says shay" before answering
question, such is his love OF agricul-
ters.
Lydia Mason, of Ky, crimped her
hair with too hot iron, aud now goes
bald.
The moon furnishes the first on rec
ord of trust. She shiues with borrowed
light.
''His forehead extended 10 the gable
end of his neck" meaus he was bale
headed.
Poor pigs, they are doctored the
wrong way round-killed first, aud cured
afterwzrd.
Young women should set good exam
pies, for the young meu are always iol-'
loving them.
When does the rain become too ia
miliar with lady? When it begins to
patter on her back.
Innocence is like an umbrella-when
once we have lost it We may never hope
to see it back again.
Mrs. Collins. of Indiana, lately gave
birth to tive pairs of children-one pair
each of boys and girls
Dir. Woodman, of Ohio, has eloped
with Mrs. Barton. Appeals TO Wood
man spare that tree are in order.
Mr.. Swith, of Iowa, dissatisfied at his
new wite's csttiDgs up, gave her dollar
to ''scoot.D Cheaper than divorce.
\ Cincinnati theatre was enlivened
the other evening By fight on the stage
between i dog and cat. not down 10 the
bills.
A Montgomery, Ala, young man of
wealth aud family. drove dray all one
week, ON bet of 5000 that he daren't
co it.
The chap who took the thread of life
to sew the rent of house has gone and
in-ented patent point for cross eyed
needles.
London ladies refuse to wear their
back hair low in the neck, say the fash
ioss. Of course, they repudiats any
thlsg low.
The Knoxville (Tenn-,) City Council
has passed ar ordinance to prevent ladies
of color lying around groggeries and
getting drunk.
An Arkansas planter likes the Chi
nee as cotton pickers better than ne
groes. They work for SIS month, and
live on rise and molasses.
a description of Elliot. the Congo
Congressman, from South Carolina. says
that stack of black cats would produce
the effect of comparative lightness beside
Ean.
A man In New York had a black
smith arrested for tearing his ear nearly
off in a scuffie. The blacksmith says
the ear tore accidentally; besides, it
never was half put on.
The Philadelphia Press says if our
Copsresmen, after sharp debate, do
not embrace their opponents, as French
Assemblymen do, they ask each other
to drink, which is just as afectionate-
A wealthy Oshkosher educated
young lady for the purpose of marrying
her. A young fellow has just eloped
eastward with her, and the elderly lover
thinks it is no use bringing up wife By
hand
Covington, KY, had case lately
where discarded lover murdered the
girl who rejected his suit, whereupon
all the tisid old maids met together and
unanimously resolved never to reject an
offer.
A Leavcnworth editor. in quest of
special attractions for his paper, ,<Ays:
"What we want for this column is per-
sonalities as mean as possible. Expense
of lawsuits to be betrayed by the wri
ter-funeral expenses by u.s."
a stranger visited Ridgely, No., on
recent Sunday, and after getting plump
full in doggery, sailed forth and open
ed fire on the passers-by, killing a Mr.
Brown. They call him one of the most
social men, for stranger, they ever
saw.
The following advice is from New
York paper: "Press on, young man,
though you be poor. We know d
youth, who, with only his two hands
a3a a crow bar opened jewehy store