The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-06-15
Artemus Ward ON Woman's Rights.

Some of the most laughable things eve
penned was by the lamented humorist
Charles I. Brown, better known as CAR
temus Ward" He disposed of the
"rights of woman" as follows:
picht my tent in small town in In
jiany one day last season, Il while wa:
standin at the dore takin money a deppy
tashun of ladies came up aud sed they
was members of the Bunkumvill Female
Reformin 4 Wimmin's Rites Associas
hum, and they axed me if they Good &c
in without payin. -r.-r -FT a.r|
"Not exactly" sez I, "but you can pay
without goin in
"Dew you know who we air ?" said one
of the wimin-a tall and feroshus look
ing critter,-"do you know who we air
Sir z" .i'.
"My impreshun is" sed 1, "from ker.
sery view, that you are famales.'
1--WE air, Sur said the feroshus wo
man-"we belong to society which be.
leeves wimin has rights-whitch believes
in razin her to her proper speer-which
believes she is endowed with as much
intelleck as man is-whitch believes she
is trampled on and aboosed-& who will
resist hense 4th a. forever the incroach.
ments of proud & domineering men,"
Durin her discourse, the excentric fe-
male GRABBED me by the coat kollor & was
swinging her umbreller wildly over my
he'd. .r t -
81 hope, marm," sez I, starting back
"that your intentions is honorable I'm
alone man hear in a strange place. Be-
sides, I've a wife to hum"
eyes," cried the female, "& she's a
slave! Doth she ever dream of freedom
doth she never think of THROWN off
the yoke of tyrrinuy & thnkin and votin
for herself? Doth she never think Of
these here things 2"
'TNot bein a natral born fool" sed I,
by this time little rallied, skin safely
say that she dothun't."
go whot-whot !" screamed the female,
swinging her umbreller in the air. 80,
what is the price that woman pays for her
experience ~ ....t.s
II don't know seq | /; "the price to
my show is Is cents pur individooal."
''& can't our Society go in free p ask.
ed the female.
"Not if I know it" sed |.
"Crooil, crooil man ~ she cried, & bust
into teers.
--"Won't you let my darter in !" sed
anuther of the excentric wimin, taken me
afeckshunately by the hand. go, please
let my darter in-shce's sweet gushin
child of nature" y
"Let her gush !" roared I, as mad as /
Good stick at their tarnal nonsense "let
her gush ]" Whereupon they all sprung
back with the similtanius observashun
that | was Beest g
"AIy female friends" said |, "be4 you
leeve, I've few remarks to remark wa
them we'll. The female woman is one of
the greatest iustitooshuns of which this
land can boast. Its impossible to get along
without her. Had there been no female
wimin in the world, | shood scarcely be
here with my unpareleld show on this
very occashun. She is good in sickness
good in wellncss-good at all time. y,
woman, woman - cried, my feelins
worked up to hi poltick pitch, 'you air
a angle when you behave yourself but
when you take off your proper APPAREL
& (mettyforically speaken)-get into
panty loons-w you desert your fire.
sides, & with your heds full of wimin's
rites noshuns go round like roarin lyons,
seeking when you may devour somebody
in short when you undertake to play
man, you play the devil and air an emfatic
D nooasance. My female friends" / con
as they were Indignantly depar-
tin, "wa we'll what A. Ward has sed y