Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-01-05
wit ANA wisdom.
Passion never laughs.


All men are bores, except when we
want them.
If it takes four nails to make quarter,
how many carpet tacks will it take to get
up ten dollar bill
A modest young woman, stopping at a
hutel in Hartford, refused to sleep in q
room paneled with tirdseye maple.
Oliver Wendell Holmes calls kiss q
lisping consonant. He should have added,
also, that it usually follows a-vowal.
Say, Smith, where have you been for g
week back" Il haven't been anywhere
for it. haven't got weak back"
The most frequent work of logic is to
build pons asinorum over chasms that
shrewd people can bestride without such
structure.
Talk about coneeit az much as you
like, it is to human character what salt is
to the ocean it keeps it sweet and rem
ders it endurable.
Talking is like playing on the harp !;
there is as much in laying the hand on
the strings TO stop their vibrations as in
twanging them to bring out the music.
Probably the worst pun of the year is
the one defining Mormonism as Utah de-
pravity. You have to utah it Just right,
that is, just wrong, to make the joke.
What comfort dull but kindly per.
son is to be sure, at times A ground
glass shade over q gas-lamp does not
bring more solace to our dszzled eyes
than such one to our minds.
Charles Lamb told Barry Cornwall,
when they were once making up dinner
party together, not to invite certain iu-
gubrious friend of theirs. Because"
said Charles, she would cast a damper
even over funeral"
An affeotiorate parishioner-The cur
ate: 80 dear, o dear! Drunk again.
Jones! Drunk again And in broad
daylight, too !" Jones: "Lorshir (hic) !!
Whatsh the oddsh Sh-sh- Sho am
.Iw
The earth was made from nothing. and
man was made from the earth; and it's
surprising how many human beings are
true to their origin, in knowing nothing,
doing nothing, and being good for nothing,
all their lives.
A Chicago boy, being asked if he had
mother. said he didn't know, as he
hadn't been home since morning, and
when he left his father aud mother were
quarreling. with odds in favor of his
father, as be had the Ratchet in his hand.
A Frenohman attended a concert.
When the performance, which had been
II -. Il n
few more, applauded. "Why do you ap-
plaud ouch detestable stuff ?" said his
companion. sit is not worthy of it."
81 applaud because 1t eeS ofer."
An Iowa lawyer, in drawing up com
plant for assault and battery, made the
following representation of facts: "And
plaintiff further alleges that, at said time
and place, the said A. B. said to complain
ant, IF you come another step nearer,
I'll kick you to HILL which complainant
verify believes he would have done"
A clergyman called on Edwin Booth at
his hotel in Pittsburg, on his recent visit,
and asked if there were no side doors in
the opera house through which he might
gain entrance into private box without
being seen. The reverend gentleman
vanished when Booth retorted: "Si-,
there are no doors in the world through
which God cannot see; would you hope
to fnd such in the opera house?"
A fellow stopped at hotel at Pixies
Peak, and on settling his bill the landlord
charged him seven dollars day for five
days. Don't you make mistake" said
the fellow. NO." said the landlord.
"You did," retortad the wiry-looking fell
low, "you thought you got oil *',e money
I had, but you are mistaken. | have
whole purse full in another pocket"
An exchange tells us that at a recent
fire in Birmingham N. Y, burning shin
giles were carried four miles. Well what
of that At recent fire in a clothing
store here a valuable overcoat and pair
of twenty dollar pantaloons were carried
all the way to Cincinnati, and they were
not burning much eithor.
"When all things were made, none was
made better than this, to be lone mans
companion, a bachelors friend, hungry
mans food, sad mans cordial, wakeful
mans sleep, chilly mans fre"-said
Salvation Yeo, as he handed roll of
brown leaf to the good Knight Sir Amyas
Leigh. And tobacco's excellenees were
never more eloquently set forth.
One of the many was Of classifying
minds is under the head of arithmetioal
and algebraical intellects. All econom-
ioal and practical wisdom is an extension
or variation of the following arithmetical
formula plus 2 equal 4. Every philo-
sophical proposition has the more general
character of the expression plus equal
e. We are mere operatives, empires and
cyclists, until we learn to think in letters
instead of figures.
James Oliphant, minister of Dumbarton,
had a curious habit of making running
comments, in q low tone of voice, as he
read the Scriptures. Reading of the swine
rushing to the sea, he muttered: so,
that the devil had been choked, too"
Reading Peters remark, eve have left
all and followed thee" he said quietly,
"Aye, boastin, aye, braggin', Peter; what
had you to leave but sn old crazy boat,
and may be two or three rotten nets -