The Charleston daily news. [volume] (Charleston, S.C.) 1865-1873, 1871-09-23
HUMORS OF THE RAIL.
TRICKS UPON Trials
OF 4 DISGUSTED PASSENGER.
BY Donn Piatt.

never left depot yet that somebody was
not put under my care. | don't know why tnls
is; suppose it is something IN my c0unIe-
nance; if I knew what, IwoulG have IL e1-
tracted. l don't like having unprotected le-
males and school girls and boys turned over 10
me, It's little hard on man. AND Wnat Is
the good OF il2 Nobody needs protectloni II
any one does, it Is a benevolent, good-oohlns,
innocent sort OF nlaE-sucA as the writer OIL
this.
Twas leaving on the morning train once
from, Philadelphia when O respectable looking
old scoundrel, in gold-rlmmed glasses, asked
me to take charge OF his daughter. She could
have taken charge OF me; she was thirly II
day, with face that had been on the offensive
for ten years. Id like TO see any man attack
that woman; I'd go odds ten to one on the
scratch.
The old fellow seemed to be in great hur-
r., and thrustiDg the lady under my arm lett
the cars and drove of. In thin, angular
voice, that was meant TO be very sweet and
Vas not, she asked me to take her pocket-book
and get the necessary ticket. left the car for
that purpose, but when / approached the
opening where the ticket agent, kept In soil
tary confinement, snaps at the world outside,
found lhat had left my pocket-book under
my pillow at the hotel, and what was worse,
nv watch with It. | had about twenty min
utes, and jumping into hack promised the
driver tea collars II he would get to the hotel
and back in time for the train. He started OH
at furious rate, ran over an apple stand. Grip
p!ed venerable gentleman on the corner OPP
pos!te, and in less than the time stated. ana
1.-The driver found ourselves marched on 10 tne
station in the hand OF the police. We were taken
before corpulent justice ofthe peace, VINO mad
as much adiPose in his head as most men carry
about their muscles, ana 1t took the ola IeiloW
lust two hours TO try, reprimand and nne US
for our d-;,nken and dsorderly conduct Or
course lEe train went of with my charmer.
1t went or without her pocket-book. never
saw her again. although made di!igent search
and advertised in the daily papers. But one
unfortunate day, some months after, encoun-
tered a male member of her family, who made
some serious charges against me connected
with the deserton OF lady and stealing ner
pocket-book. I tried to explain, but, falling
TO get nv words in satisfactorily, was forced to
make al, assault on this member of her family,
that ended in some black eyes snd bloody
nLses.
Now what was the good CT putting that aged
female under my care? L only led to ner
phe that followed. She rould just as well have
gone eff on the Pennsylvania Central without
as well as with me. The thing is an outrage.
If people want 10 put their females under the
care OF anybody, let them try the conductors
they are hired tor such purposes-and not I'M
pose upon innocent passengers
IL was reminded OF this by an adventure that
happened 10 me the other night In New York.
Twas about leaving on the nine CLOCK train
for Washington, when man who was IN
search OF me approached. l know he was IN
search CT me. He was In search OF some
woman under his care. And he did. she
happened TO be rather good-look ng, and
didn't object In violent way, but vas neither
very graceful or gracious over the c Jmpllment
When came to secure sections IN ne sleeping
car, found that delegation OF ious people
ICoch on 10
business. and had taken nearly al the 6erths
Iprocured two-at least thought had-and
marched nv female with her two carpet.sacks,
strap-satchel, mocking bird, and SILK UNI
brella, with waterproof, and tW 0 shawls done
!, up in straps, in l6l. When we arrived INSIDE,
\ learned tor the frst time that m y unprotected
female could not abide sleeplng-c ars. She said
abe felt like suffocating, and wished secretly
abe would suffocate; but, when We came 70
occupy our berths, | made two dlsasreeaole
discoveries.
The first was that the two tickets called for
the same berth; the other, that this was the
upper one. My female friend said positively
that she could not get into that berth. In
formed her that it was her only chance TO
sleep, and she told me that she would rather
ait UP. I then gave her the further informa'
ton that was very we'll, but IN sleeping car
there was no place to sit except on wash
basin, and that thought would be rather In
convenient. At last, with the aid OF step
ladder and the steward, and TWO pious ol9
Pomps, my unprotected female was boosted
into her roost, and the curtair3 drawn over
her for the night.
Then came the question as to what had be-
come OF the undersigned. consulted the
conductor and the steward, and nad tne satls-
faction OF hearing the fact stated That II nad
told them earlier the blunder might nave oeen
remedied. But, as 1t was, the pious delegation
had retired for the night, and all the berths
were occupied. The conductor, however, told
me that he would try and make some arrange
ment, and then went of about his business
A drunken man had been captured on the
platform as we started, where he was found
Addressing the stars in a vocierous way, the
sleeping car ticket fsEed out of his pocket
and the inebriate fellow chncked into an upper
berth | was leaning against the washstand
of the car in a very melancholy way some
time after, when this intoxicated fellow STUCK
his head out and, addressing me, said:
Il would like 10 have drink"
s'Water ?" saidI.
mo. curse it, darn water 1 want some
whiskey; am dry as chip"
sWell," responded, ~ am sorry to say
that have none about me-"
'sNo,n responded, Il don't believe am"
ssNor do 1. If you were the conductor you
would have something to drink. Where is tne
1 tod him he was in the other car.
SNeil.' ne Sdlu, Il nave SlSoe uio. " 0S'
I'm and hustle around till get drink"
.sMy Christian friend" I said, there Is
nothing In the constitution nor the sixteen
amendments that prohibits you from gettlnS
up and hunting drink, If you want H..
L. Whereupon the inebriated individual rolled
0eout OF the berth. he rolled into several others
and was promptly elected, and at last. getting
his legs, disappeared at the further END Oh the
l took in the situation at a glance. Here
was a berth vacant. Above it was white
hat Immediately removed that white nal.
I carried it further along and put 1t over
Christian association, who was lost in the
sIeep OF Innocence and peace, and then return.
Ing e2sconced myself in the berth vac. vacated ed
By the man who had constitutional right IT. 70
always sleep on a car devoted to that business
and invented oy Mr.. Pullman; the motion has
the same effect upon my brain @ that 1osSIng sasIE
hnt nrofoundly. In few moments l should
have eheen beyond all disturbances; but it hap