Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-09-08
HunOr.

HumOr.
~~-~>~~~~~~-~~~-ooo->o~~~~ ~~~oo~o-~~~~~o--
Paternal acres-The old mans corDs.
New name for tight boots-Corn- cribs.
Ground bait--advertising on the pave
: ment
Give a child bat and most likely it'll
bawl'
Stag-nation-a nation inhabited mostly
by men.
Never confde secret to your relatives !;
blood will tell.
The most useful thing, after all, in the
long run'-breath.
May turkey be said to be ghost
when it's goblin?
The favorite romance of oAice.seekers--
put yourself in his place.
Figures won't lie' Went they Does
a fashionable woman's figure tell the truth ?
Little fishes have proper idea Of bust
ness Not being able to do better they start
on a small scale.
A young man who keeps collection Of
locks of hair of his lady friends calls them
his hair-breadth escapes.
Charley says: Make yourself good
man and then you will be sure there is one
rascal less in the world
Divorces are obtained in. Maryland with
out publicity They take their wives cut
Gsb;no opd Iobto,, tho hoot
A guest at western hotel, finding long
hair in the butter, ordered the waiter to bring
him some sbald-headed butter
IT'S poor rule that won't work both
ways exclaimed the boy. as be threw the
ferulc at the sehoolmaster's head.
A credulous person is like a pitcher,
borne by the ears, empty of itself, but apt
to hold whatsoever is put into it.
There are three things said wit,
which have loved without understanding
them paintings, music and women
In Wyoming, where the women vote, the
bride furnishes the ring and license, and
the blushing bridegroom falls into Mysteries.
Fragments of human beings, blown into
the air by steamboat explosions, are spoken
of in Arkansas as atmospheric phenomena.
A paper has an article headed with the
eonundrum: why do wives fade?' We
suppose because they won't wash. Isn't it
One of the era bbed old bachelors says
that love is a wretched business, consisting
of little sighirg, little dying and deal
of lying.
A soldier being asked if he met with
much hospitality in ireland, replied that he
was in the hospital nearly all the time he
was there.
The allowance of ladies at the watering
places is about twenty-five to one man,
which, as every sensible man knows, is just
twenty-four too many.
Citizens of the oil region express value
In terms of oil barrels. Thus they speak of
fashionable young lady as wearing an
eighty-six- barrel-opera-suit.
AN OPTICAL ILLUSION A chandler hay
ing had some candles stolen, person bid
him be of good cheer for, in short time,
said he, they will all come to light"
A gentleman wishing, not long since, to
pop the question: cook up the young ladys
cat and said, pussy, may have your mis-
tress p 1t was answered by the lady, Say,
yes, pussy
I meant to have told you Of that hole,'
said gentleman to his friend, who was
walking with him in the garden, and stun
bled into pit full of water. ''No matter
said the friend I have found it,
A Western hummer lately put himself to
bed on the steps of the church, and, trying
every time he grasped handful that the
darned sheets always tore SO.
Homogeneous are SO short in Chicago that
bridal cars are proposed for the horse rail-
ways, tour out of town being too pro-
tracted.' As things 60, next week they'll
have to be doing it by telegraph.
A drunken man fell asleep sby the road
side where pig found him and began to
lick his mouth. who's kissing me now?'
exclaimed the drunkard. What capital
thing is it to be in favor with the women ?
HIS IDEA.-'Why do you set your cup
Of coffee on the chair, Mr. JonesY said a
worthy lady one morning at breakfast 1t
is SO very weak, ma'am,' replied Jones, de-
murely, I thought that I would let it take
a rest
A man with one eye laid another wager
that he (the one-eyed) saw more than the
other The wager was accepted
you have lost,' says the first; 4 can see
two eyes in your face, and you can only see
one in mine"
A man having jumped into the water to
save another from drowning, upon receiving
quarter from the person as a reward for
the service, looked first at the money and
then at him, and at last exclaimed: I'm
overpaid for the job
Sir, said an astonished landlady to a
traveller who had sent his cup forward the
seventh time, you must be very fond of
coffee 30 r. s.,.
Yes, madam, am" he replied, or I
should never have drunk so much water to
get little"
During the Anniversaries, the following
dialogue was overhead between two news
boys: 4 say, Jim, what's the meaning of
SO many ministers being here all together p
Why answered Jim, very scornfully,
they always meets once year to exchange
sermons with each other
A little girl, when her fathers table was
honored with an esteemed guest. began
talking very earnestly at the first pause in