Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-06-24
Facts and asaMcReS.

Difficult punctuation-Putting stop
to gos>ip's tongue
Why is the figure 8 like peacock ?
1t is nothing WI hout the tail.
Miss Grimes, lend me your tub p
Can't d, it; all the hoops is off; its
full Of suds besides | never had one.
[ washes in bar"
A man who stole another's hat, when
his maine was plainly written on it, was
let off on the ground that he was col
Iectlng autographs.
Rev, Dr. Chaplin wittily remarked one
tv' n'n2 that in try ing TO gain TWO sec
onds IN getting on and off trains, many
ma had secured d widows their thirds.
Punch thinks it would be a real
blessing To mothers if somebody could
invent soap that would enable imam.
mas 10 get their daughters off their
hands.
Skinhint who I" gives nothing to
street beygars," has no dou t the men
cut off their legs, and women have ba-
bies ION purpose to appeal to public
sympathy
ln chasing an annoying dog the
other day, Il Portland man ran against
IA clothrs line, which widened his mouth
an4 extracted two teeth without pay,
aud he diJn't catch the dog either
's Mr. T has spoken i'll Of You" said
a gossip 10 his friend, IA man who tho
rough understood the world F" That
astoni>hes me - was he reply; 4; :" |
have never rendered him any service :"
An old topper at the seaside always
eats ths safest fish he can get, tor
"le4kfa>t, because as he says, it gives
hin fhrsc all day that he wou.dn
take ten pounds for.
Mr.. Smilher>. how can you sleep
So? The su" has been up these two
hours" We | what if 1t has - said
Smrthery !" He goes to bed at dark,
while I'm up til after midnight"
Asking young lady what her ac-
camplIs hnfnts are, is generally sreak
ing considered harmless enough still
III these days, i, might in some eases
cause embarrassment, to put the qnes-
ton DO you p'iut =
A jolly fellow suggests the following: !:
To make Boarding. -house lash-rake i
little NV everything, IA good deal NV
nothing, aud throw IN something; jam
to u.ux, cook over "a slow fire, season.
with haIr pins, and serve on the jump.
Never. says 4 hcnpcs kcl man ''marr}
woman warth more than thou art
When married my wife | was worth
fifty cents, and she was worth sixty
two cents ; aud when any difference
occurred hetweeu US she throws up the
odd shilling"
The Car nvile Democrot gets off the
following: An un~ophisticated gentle
map called at The gas works with IA
large stone jug for the purpose Of hav-
ing it filled with gas to take h me, seven
aiies IN the country to burn in kero-
-ene oil lamp. lie said he had seen
the burned thing burn 10 stores about
yer. and it made IA mighty pretty light.
Atoms adventure at charity fair
Young Lady-sir, wouldn't you ike
to buy som" tickets a in punch bowl :
Atom-No, thank You, never drink
Young lady. (inslnuatingl>) J - we'll
wouldn't you like to buy some cigars
then! Atom with "a grave fare -
No, thank you, | never smoke. Young
ady (lo~ng tatien e(-Wrll, d offer
you some soap ii tn ght you ever
washed
A few years ago a negro camp
NEE i,g he d mar Flushing, the colored
preacher SAID
Il tell you, dubbed bredrcn, dat de
debble is big hog. an one Of desc
days he'll come along and root you all
out F" An old negro, in one of the
anxious pews, hearing this. raised him
self up from rhe straw, and clasping
his hands, exclaimed in the agony of
his tears"
" Ring him Lord ring him !"
Mr. Gree'y sent letter to friend
the other day declining to serve "a one
Of committee to superlntend the re
organization Of the Republican party in
New York The recipient, unable
to decipher the eplstIe, passed it over
to neighbor Of he philosopher of
Chappaque. who read ic before the
Agricultural S cicty as an essay on the
advantages Of cnfivating the ever
blooming variety of radlshes
The New York Spirit o( The Times
describes Que Hiram Fl gains, rude
settler, being charged with an assault
and battery On the person OF one David
Hughes Why, Judge Said Higgins
when asked if he pleaded guilty or not
guilty; why Judge you have known
me long enou-h. | recken, to know that
| never done nothing to be guilty Of
never was gui ty, and never will be
guilty in nv whole nat'ral born life