Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1871-11-03
THE GAZETTE
CEDAR FALLS, NOV. 8, 1871.
A Bachelors Experience with 1t.

n Z
a RA OUR BABY.
A Bachelors Experience with 1t.
II was q very pretty baby that h
for baby. = had no fault to I'm
with 1t, as faras its Individual iden
ity was concerned. II babies mus
exist and I suppose there is a neces
sity for the things. or else wher
would all the grown people com
from?-this bsby was as wellin II
way as any other baby.
mention these facts merely {,
prove that I am In no way prejudiced
As far as mortal man can be, / an
entirely an impartial witness.
1t was fast asleep In its cradle,
little white@hesded doll, with lonI
dark eye -lashes, and crimson dot o
mouth. against which lay Its tin,
fist, with i've well.defined dimple,
In the five points thereof. It wa,
last asleeps Isay, when Bertha cam,
airily into the room. - y
II am going over to the depot h
see mother off. Joseph. III be bach
In half an hour. Just keep an ey,
70 the baby, while ] am gone. viii
| you7n Ma T9
Ilooked biankiy at my sister. Blu,
while | was considering how best te
exprsss my total dissent from heI
andacious proposition. she tripped
out OF the room. her ribbons fiutter.
Ing In the soft spring air.
Silence doesn't always give con.
sent, bat Bertha had taken IL fol
granted, In this matter, and / was
LETT an unwilling guardian Of my
little nephew.
However, he was fast asleep; that
was one circumstance In my favor. =
Mortal bAby couldn't prsssnt ! more
'innocent and cherubio nspect than
he aid. So 7 calmly went OF WITH
my writing, soon becoming oblivious
to his infantile presence. a bloa
Talk about tending babies, quoth
I to myself. dipping my gooss-quill
triumphantIy into the ink, '.why it's
the easiest business In life. Should
spend my money hiring nurses,
II that little one was mine: bur wo-
men never do know how to econo-
mize properly.n s@gf 'aa
As these fancies passed through my
mind the baby woke up and sneezed.
I gave the cradle an osciiatory
Rick, and then burst forth into the
well.known burden OF .sBye 1 bunt.
ing" but the little villain absolutely
declined to shut his eyes again, like
Q sensible baby. He opened them
wider than two miniature moons,
stared at me with an air OF malevo-
lence that made me . firm believer
In human dspravity ever since, and
deliberately began To- cry. And the
harder / rocked the cradle, and the
iouderI sang, the more resolute did
that baby cry. '1B ZA l5 r.
He's hungry, thought 7 To N.Y.
sef, Babies must be fed, and IT'S
highly reprehensible OF Bertha to
stay away 90 long."ma Aele
= SO I went down into the pantry
and instituted . search for some milk;
which / had vague idea WAS the
diet generally prefsfrsd6 " fsothless
infancy. But milk there was none.
Lamp ell, Stewards syrup, kerosene,
and bran; everything but milk was
there; every known or conceivable
duid. in aggravating profusion, but
not drop of milk.
All this time, meanwhile, the roars
,f my nephew, bat slightly softened
by distance, followed me about like
! Nemesis.
l rushed frantically up stairs,
armed with . lump Of sugar, the frat
soothing expedient that suggested
tself to me. M
"Bless Its dear little heart, there,
here; confound your racket; can't
1ou keep still? Take its sugar from
fs own, own uncle, that's q little
golden boy" @
But the golden, boy resolutely re-
ected the sugar, screaming louder
han ever; as III Its Iungs were forty
baby power, and warranted never TO
wear out. To kicked and struggled,
{ paved the air, 1t got purple In It's
ACE. Ashes OF King Hsrod and all
he Egyptians! what.::was man to
10. sTl fa9s t~ ra f. ,3
! In vain / executed war dance
'ound It's cradle; In vain 7 rang the
iinner-bell, and jingled the china
and waved the feather
iustsfs and swung my gold rspeater,
Md baslsd nursery ballads at the
iop Of lny lungs. Tslk shout psrse-
verance. Robert Brucs's splder was
aothing to the atrocions little lump
u mortality. raEa We slt lo a
There's nothing Tor II but to
I" said 7 70 myself. ~ !
|ammsd my hat on my head, vicious-
y thrust my arm into my oyercoat,
md seized the baby out OF the cra-
Ale. Z s7l'ls IS ssss ,l, j gaaa5 q
Leave II absolutely Aisns / dared
not, and the nearest grocery where
milk vas proeurable lay fall thrss
blocks on! II
Thus, In sort Of stony despair, r
issued forth from the house, carrying
my persecutor like . bundle under
,na arm. GfsktfnE fs@g
T Tthodsht he would stop crying
when he got into the open air, but
not he; oxygen only seemed 70 In
sressa the shrill power Of his villain.
,us little pipesi Peopls tnrnsd 70
stare ct me, % IL ] were An abductor
II infant Innocence. Women looked
Indignantly .. the baby.
Biue worsted socks and little pink
egs kicked biindly from beneath my
arms. Children ran after me, dogs|
sarksd. bat ! kept doggedly On my
way, walking into the grocery with
J resolution second only 70 that Of .
Roman fellow who. jumpsd into 81
,rater, nobody knows how many
years ago.
sea pint of milk If you please" s.
"Milk, sir? Have you brought
70 put II insD y sego
I thought of my tobacco box, my
pocket Handkerchief and the cosnsr
- vsnv hat-all ~ The ~, -. A.