Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-04-28
HunOr.

God proposes but man imposes.
Dead beats-extinct drummers.
Disease Of the chest-insolvency.
Good country buttsr-an old ram.
Borrowed discourses-lsnt sermons.
Good winter motto-lst the world slids.
How to make a hot bed--set the mattres,
On fire.
An unavoidable breach Of peaee-ths
stock Of gun.
Adding insult to injury-trusting man
and then asking him to pay you.
How easy it is to bsggar a shoemaker
Purloln oae oil his instruments and you take
away his awl.
Miss Phelps says there is no use quarrel.
ing with woman, the press, railroad
company, or the telegraph.
The difference between the school.boy
and the clerk-boy is, that one storea tho
mind, and the other minds the store.
AL II iouuau 6eHA " Iuo w lSCOnStn Slate
Prison. being called on to choose trade,
replied that he preferred to be sailor
A Sedalia editor says that girl who is
now called "a beautiful blonde would, q
few years ago, have been termed "a tow
head
The difference between watch-keY and
captain on the look out for squalls is, that
one winds the watch, and the other watches
the wind.
How much money could be made by buy.
ing some people at their owe price and sell.
ing them at the price the public puts on
them? Answer-00O0.
Confusion to the man. said carpenter,
that invented working by candle-lig bt-
'Ay, or by daylight, either replied his APP
prentice. .r
Grants father, on learning that New
Hampshire had gone Democratic, asked
gentleman standing by-'In what State is
New Hampshire, anyhow
AZ economical lady says that in these
hard times, 1t would be well to remember
that good silk ought to be like a worm
when trodden upon-it will turn.
CLOSE up the ranks is the howl now of
the Radical leaders WE'LL it's good deal
easier to do it now than it was when the
ranks were considerably bigger
Among the wants in one Of the papers
is this: partial board for single gentle
man; house kept by a widow ana daughter,
6asses and cars convenient.
Dseaze and pill, when they enter mans
body, are like two lawyers when they un-
dertake tew settle biz affairs; they eompro-
mise the matter by laying out the patient.
A traveller, We are told, being in wild
country, where be could find no provisions
for himself OF dog, cut off the dogs tail and
boiled it for his OVID supper. and gave tho
dog the bone.
How much did he leavsY' inquired gen.
aeman of wag on learning Of the death
Of = wealthy citizen. Everything respen-
dsd the wag; 'he didn't take dollar with
him.
A Boston paper speaks of young man
in that town who il wrestling with bis first
moustache, and proposes to name it after
two leading baseball clubs. because there
are nine on side
A quaker's advice to his 500 on bis we'd.
ding day: When thee went counting I told
thes to keep thy eyes wide open, now that
thou art married tell thee to keep them
half shut
Come here, Felix; you said the letter Z
was glutton how do you know it Be.
cause he changes fasts into foasts, is invari-
ably the first to commence eating, and is al
ways last at the table.
A little boy, who had been told that be
must never ask for anything to eat when
away from home. went into "a heighbor's
house one day. when the lady CHANGED to DO
frying doughnats.
'Ah, said he. you are cooking
Aware that he lad been we'll trained, and
anxious to zee if bis appetite would get the
better of his manners, the lady did not give
him any of the doughnuts.
WE'LL said be, returning TO the subject,
your cakes look NICE
oh, very nice, said the lady, they are
he best ever cooked
After playing with the cat awhile, he re-
marked:
And they smell nice'
oh, yes they smell nice, sas the lady's
tantalizing answer.
We'll, said the boy, / suppose if any
little child that wss hungry should come iu
here when you were cooking, that you would
give him something to eatT
Well, yes, think I would
WELL said he, after another turn with
she cat. / guess must go home for I am
very hungry
It is needless to add that he got dough-