The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-11-28

over i went, dressed into Hts, and feeling
as big as Josh Raymor did when he was
elected coroner. got there about dark,
and found right smart crowd collected,
which was not on the bills, but l felt as
big and as good as the rest Of them. So
marched in like blind mule into po-
tato patch, and took seat by the FIRE. l
didn't see anything of the widow, but
looked for her to come in and send for
me, and passed away the time by cussin'
the crowd to myself, thinking they had
no business there, and / would not get to
talk to my woman bit. Presently the
door opened and in walked Polly and
that dod-durned doctor, and whole team
of boys and girls fixed up savagely l tell
you. looked around for fiddler, think
ing they we're going to have ball, but |
wondered what they all kept SO still for
and was about proposin' reel, when up
gifts little preacher, and before you
could swallow live oyster, he had Polly
and the doctor married faster than Mex
lean greaser could tie bulls horn |
was so completely fummixed that l set
there with my mouth open like l was
goin' to swallow the whole crowd, and my
eyes looked like billiard balls till the
ceremony was over, when jumped up
and beloved.
Il forbid the concern from being con-
stituted !"
You are little too late, my friend,'-
says the preacher, and they all COM
menced laughing like they had seen some
thing funny.
"I'll be burned squizzeled if l don
be soon enough for somebody yet" said l
" for was mad, Squire, and no mistake
in the ticket. do believe | could have
eat up that doctor quicker than hungry
dog could swallow squirrel skin if |
could have had fair chance at him. 1t
was too bad, after had fixed up to marry
her myself, for her to walk right under
my eyes and marry that great baboOn."
4" 1t was bad, that is fact" said.
"Bad !" cried he, '' it was meaner than
eating fried coon. | first thought I'd 90
straight home, but then concluded that
wouldn't spite nobody, so determined to
stay and see if could not get satisfaction
out of somebody. You know I'm devil
to get myself or somebody else in scrape
when | take notion, and I'd taken one
that night that went all over me like
third day chill, so commenced study'n
out some plan. recollected hearing the
doctor say that where he come from (but
the Lord only knows where that was) the
! lxun a1 hntr
faces together before they went to bed,
as charm against infidelity, or some
other long word While | was study'n
about that, spied the doctors saddle
bags setting in the corner so | waited till
they went into the supper, and then [ got
the bags and looked to sec what | could
discover, Nearly the first thing | saw
was piece of lunar caustic. | slipped it
into my pocket, for l had my plan as |
saw it. Well, | watched around till [
saw one Of the girls 90 to the pail with
the pitcher, so | went out and asked her
what she was going to do with it. She
said she was going carry it into the
room for the Doctor and Polly to wash
their faces in. l kept talking TO her
while she was filling the pitcher, and
when she turned her head dropped the
caustic into it. 1t was then about bed
time and / got my hat and put out, but
l couldn't help laughing all the way home
whenever I'd think about next morning.
Swell, Squire, they do say that when
that couple walked up next morning they
had the hardest kind of fits, each one
thinking that each other was niger
Oh it was rich He cussin' and tearin'
up things, and she screamin' and faint
in and comm and goin off again, and
me not there to sec it. They made such
rascally racket that the folks broke into
the room to see what was the matter, and
there they was with their faces and hands
all us black as the inside of an old stove
pipe I'd give half my interest in t'other
world just to have been at some place
where | could have seen the whole row
As soon as they found out that they was
really the same folks that married the
night before, they called FOR warm water
and soap, but here the doctor happened
to think about the pitcher, and took it to
the door to see what was the matter
There was little piece of caustic that had
not Dissolved, and as soon as he saw it,
he says:
q It's no use washing, Polly. All the
soap in New York city cant wash that
black off"
That was the truth, Squire. Soap and
water had no more effect than it would
on q native born African, and all the
chance was to wait and let it wear off,