Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1871-07-07
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The land of Cane-A sugar Planta
ton.
4 Tcctotaler's Excess. - Water
tight.
The --latest thing OUT Ones
husband.
Is joIl, boat helped along by four
roars of laughter?
The watering places are filling up
we'll, and SO are the guests.
A common expression among the
farmers just now. Hay Dayr'
Apropos. of the wounded
by bomb shells are mOrtarly hurt. 4
A Factory Girl WAS recently sold in
Portsmouth. She was ship.
Some men will pump you to any
extent, if you only give them a
handle.
An artist is not rs strong as horse,
but he can draw a larger object.
There has been an odd duel lately
There were six Men on the ground
and six Misses. .E ~. S p.
boys will be boys" Just So
What a pity it is, though, men won't
always be men.
Why ought crockery to know when
it is going to be broken? Because 1t
must be ware.
The happie5t age for young women
Marriage, except when they are
obliged to marry-oge.
One of Judy's contributors has
just returned from Canton. lie speaks
broken China very prettily.
4 man who has repeatedly tries!
them says that all the short cuts to
fortune are horribly overcrowdcd.
1t has been contcnded in an Eng
fish court that man who says chow
somdeScr" cannot be a gentleman.
Why is man SEARCHING for the
philosopher stone like Neptune p
Because he is soaking what never
did exist.
The song of the ladies at West
Point: "How | love the Military"
Song of the cadets: How | love
tie Millinery"
Rarer than the Phenix," says De
Quincy, lis the virtuous man who
will consent to lose a good anccdote
because it is lie"
The latest Swindlc in Springfield,
Mass. is to wrap up an old iron screw
in paper. and pass it for roll of pen
mics. 1t works well until the paper
breaks.
In a certain cemetery in town il
Connecticut can be found lot con
tanning five graves. one in the center
the Others near by ut the four point
of the compass. The inscriptions oil
the latter read. respectively. after thu
name Of the deceased: MY |. Wife.
My II. Wife," My III. Wife,
My I'LL. Wife," while the cente
stone bears the brief but eloquen
expression, Our Husband.
The Ecening Mil says: Terrible
news from Baltimore next week! Al
Smits, Smiths. Smytbes, Smytas
Schmitts, Schmids, Schmidts, Smidts
Schmitzs and Smitts are invited b,
some rash enthusiasts to join an ex
cursion by water, and fears are enter
tanned that the harbor will be so fill
ed with tie sunken, overloaded ship
that Baltimore will be made an in
land town.
The wickedest woman in New Or
leans, as we learn from the Picayune
is 40 years of age. frowsy, fat. wrin
kled, repulsive, and dressed in blacE
silk. Recently she stood at her gate
and little bird nestled near her
when the old woman fixed on tho
bird her burning. black eyes. There
was swift, electric glance shot from
them, magnetic in its influence. Il
appalled, even the heart of the bird
the free habitant of forest aisles
where it caught the murmer of leafS
serenades it fluttercd and gasped un.
der the spell of that evil eye, then
fell to the ground and died" What
an extraordinary personi
4 story is told Of a father in a
: church, who. when the marriage ser
vice came to the point where the
clergyman asks, "Who givetl, thi,
woman to be married to this MANI
replied. well, sir, | am called to dc
it, although it do 60 agin the grain.
[ wanted her to marry Bill Plowser,
who is worth twice the money o. that
ere man." The answer was not con-
sidered regular.