Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-01-06

Coed name for an auctioneer's Wife
Biddy.
Some calls thu time Of squeezing girls
hands the palmy season Of life.
Query La man who has made fool
Of himself to be considered self-made
man?
A lodging house keeper advertises to fur
nish gentlemen with pleasant and comfor-
table rooms; also one or two gentlemen with
wives
A chap who was told by clergyman to
remember Lots wife, replied that he had
trouble enough with his own, without re-
Wondering other mems wives.
Mary, said an old lady to her daughter,
it is very solemn thing to get married,
I know it is, mother, replied Mary, but
it is a solemner thing not to-
A little girl asked her brother what was
capital punishment, and he said he thought
that it was being locked up in the cupboard
with the jam and other nice things.
A letter WIS received lately at the Chica-
90 postoffice directed TO an Honest Man.
The chief clerk sent it to the dead-letter de-
partment, with the candid confession that
the man addressed did not live there.
A Vermont girl wants to know if the wo-
mans rights movement includes the right
to do the counting. If it does she is in for
it, as the men in her vicinity are very bash
ful There is something practical in that
An English writer thinks the American
early potatoes will come to an end ere long,
for as each new variety is claimed to ripen
about ten days earlier than any other, the
time between planting and digging will soon
be used up.
DO you believe in the rod as an instru-
ment of dscif cline 2 asked mother of
school teacher in Nevada, to whom she had
sent her unruly son. No, madam oh,
I'm SO glad! What dc you substitute for it?
The revolver, madam Exit mother on
unruly son.
A gentleman getting shaved in Terre
Haute, was astonished to see The barber
climb up On a chair to begin, and asking
the reason was told that The darned snakes
were all over the floor, and he Was getting
out of their way. The customer said he'd
come il some other time for the rest of bis
shave.
A colored mail carrier in Virginia, hay
ing been we'll shaken by man for kicking
his cog. turned upon him and gravely ex-
postulated Look-a-here, massa you'd
better be kecrful how you shakes dis chile.
Cos when you shakes me, you shakes de
whole of de United States. / carries do
mail
There dwelt in Maine good Methodist
brother, who was blessed with wife of a
frstful disposition. Being at camp meeting
they or one occasion knelt down together in
tent prayer meeting. The husband felt call.
ed upon to pray, which be did in devout
and proper manner. He was followed bv
his wife, who, among other things, said =
Thou knowest, Lord, that l am somewhat
fretful and cross at home;' but before she
could announce to the Lord another state
ment, tie husband exclaimed, Amen! truth
Lord, every word of it, 1t would be re.
veallng the secrets Of domestic life to dis
loose the manner and spirit in which the
conversation was resumed and ended in the
home circle
In chancery suit, one of the counsel
describing the boundaries of his clients
land, said, in showing the plan of it:
I'VE lie on this side. my lord
The opposite counsel then said
And we lie on this side
The chancellor with good humored grin
observed:
If you lie on both sides, whom will W
have me believer
SENSIBLE PEorLe.-A Quaker lately nom
ped the question to fair Quake ess as fol-
lows:
'Hum-yea and verify, Penelope, the
spirit urgeth and moveth me wonderfully
to beseech thee to clcave unto me, flesh Of
my flesh, and rome Of my bone'
'Hum-truly. Obadiah, thou hast wisely
said; inasmuch as it is written that it is not
good for man to be alone, 10! I will soiourp
with thee