St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1871-04-28

A careless printer made dancing mas
ter's card to read: 81 offer my respect
full shanks to all who have honorcd me
with their patronage"
A Gotham reporter told Of the twin
noses Of health and beauty" on the
ebony face" of bride He meant rD-
scs and bonny, unless he had been too
industriously interviewing some Hvni-
face
"Iom, where's that ten dollar cOun-
terfcit bill you had awhile ago ~ ''Ncll,
marster, | never was quite clear in my
mind about dat'ar bill. Some days i
fought it was bad bill, and oder
days fought it was Il good bill and
one o dem days when | fought it was n
GOOD bill, | jes' passed it away
A young lady at Indianapolis was en-
deayoring to impress upon the minds of
her Sunday school scholars the sin and
terrible punishment of Nebuchadnezzar,
and when she said that for seven years
he ate grass Just like Il COW, she was as
tonishcd by little girl who asked, "Did
lie give milk -
An acquaintance from the country
having visited some friends, and being
about to depart, presented little boy,
one of the family, with a half-dollar, in
the presence of his mother. ''Plcasc, is
tia good one," said the lad. "Ccrtainly,' =
replied the gentleman, surprised. why
do you ask - because FL rather have
a bad one; they'd let me keep it; fl
get any good money it goes into the
bank, and never get it again"
An Illinois woman committed suicide
by hanging herself to an apple tree. AT
the funeral neighbor, noticing the sad
appearance of the husband, consoled him
by saying that he had met with a terri.
BILE loss. ''Ics," says the husband, heav.
ing sigh; ''shc must have kicked like
thunder to shake off six bushels of greer
apples that would have been worth Il
dollar a hushel when they cot ripe"
a street car incident in San Francis
CO.. The lady raised her dress to the
top Of one slipper, that lis ornament
might not be lost TO view, or that il
might not become loosencd. 1t 50 hap
pcned that the straw in the bed of tho
car enveloped the Cinderella member
and the buckle alone was visible. A nea
sighted gentleman, on the opposite seat
noticed the scintillation of the Jewel, and
he went for it then and there \ hasty
grab, faint scream-and his mistake
was discovered. lie Immediately chang
cd his IDEAS about horse car riding i
moved too slowly for him, and so he
walked the rest Of the way home Ill
will not try to pick another gold buckl,
out of the straw.
How n DUICIIMAN Cor EVEN
Once on time there lived iovia
Dutchman, whose name was IIame.
Won Shrimpetitfcl. lie had Il wife
lie also had little grocery, where beer
and such personal property was sold
lie gave credit to n parcel of dry custom
ers, and kept his book with a piece O
white chalk on the hcadboard of the bed
stead.
One day Mrs. Shrimpetitlel, in nea
fit. took it upon herself to clean hous
and things. So she did, and she cleane,
the headboard, and with soap ard waite
settled the old mans account by wipin:
away every chalk mark.
Iretty soon the old vender of thing.
came into his house and saw what ruin
his frau had wrought. When he said 4:
"Mein Cot. Frau Shrimpetitfel
what for you make ruin man of me.
guess not You make wipe away all dem
names and figeres vat l owe dem yellers
watts going TO pay me bcyore dey get.
reaty, and lose more as swei hoondret
tollars."
His frau left the room in fear and dis
gust. When she returned, he had re
covered the head-board with chalk marks
Then she said:
'.llannes, you vas make dem all RICH
again, don't it ~
"Nell, mine teaccr frau, | make d
iigeress all right, but put doom bette
names at dem old vcllers vot Won vim
out ~
SOME PECULIAR AGHIcriT,r,I Dr
KEcnoNs.-The proper time to mi
hemp Is any Friday that n GOOD Judo