Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1871-05-18
KOrn.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

BY JOSH BILLINGS.
Korn IL a serial, am glad ov it.
1t got its name from Series, a primitif
woman, and in her day, the goodies ov oats,
and SIGH like.
Korn il sumtimes called maize, and it
grows in sum'parts of the Western country,
very amaizenly.
Ihave seen it out thare IS foot hi ii don't
mean the aktual korn itself, but the tree
on which it grows.)
Korn haz ears, but never haz but one
ear, which il az def az an adder.
Injun meal liz made out ov korn, and
korn dodgers liz made out of injun meal,
and korn dodgers are the tuffest chunks,
ov the bread purswashun, known tew
man.
Korn dodgers are made ov water, with
injun meal MKT into 1t, and then baked
on a hard board, in the presence ov a hot
fire.
When WI kant drive a 10 penny nail
into them, with sledge hammer, they are
sed, hi good judges, to be well done, and
are reddy tew be chawed upon.
They will keep years, in damp place,
and not gro tender, and dog hit with one
of them will yell for "a week, and then
crawl under the barn, and mutter for two
days more.
hav knawed two hours miself on one
side of korn dodger without produsing
emmy result
They git the name dodger from the imme-
giate necessity ov dodgeing, if one IL hove
horizontally at yu in anger.
1t liz far better tew be smotc bi 3 year
old steer, than korn dodgcr, that IL only
three hours old.
Korn was fust discovered bi the injuns,
but whare they found it / don't kno, and
don't know as care.
Whiskee mobile whiskee), is made out
ov korn and whiskee is one ov the great
est blessings known tew man.
We never should hav bin able tew fill
our State prizons with energetick men,
and our poor houses with good eaters, if it
want for noble whiskee.
We never should have had emmy tempe
rance sons ov society, nor prize flies, nor
good murders, nor phatt aldermen, nor
whiskee rings, nor nothing, if it want for
blessed whiskee.
If it want for korn, how could emmy
boldly git horned?
And if it want for Citing horned, what
would life be worth?
We should all sink down to the level ov
the brutes if it want for Citing horned.
The brutes don't git horned, they hain't
got emmy reason nor soul.
We often hear ov drunken 6rutes," this
is compliment to oxen which don't be
long tew them.
Korn also haz kurnels, and kurnels are
often horned, so are brigadeer ginerals.
Johnny kake is made out ov korn, so is
hasty puddin.
Hasty puddin and milk is quick tew
eat
All you hav got to do IL to gap, and
swallo, and that liz the last ov the pud-
din.
Korn waz familiar tew antiquity. Joseph
waZ sent down into Egypt after sum korn,
they took pity on him and pitted him in
pit.
When his brothers got back hum, and
were asked WHARF Joe waZ, they didn't
acknowledge the korn, but lied sum.
1t has been proved, that it liz wicked TO
lie about korn, or emmy ov the other
vegetables.
Thare liz this difference between Icing,
and saving wood, it IL easier TO lie, espe-
shily in the shade.
Korn has got one thing that nobody
else has got, and that liz kob.
This kob runs thru the middle ov the
korn, and liz as phull ov korn as Job waz
ov biles.
Ialwus feel sorry when think ov Job,
and wonder how he managed tew set
down in chair.
Knowing how tew set down square on
bile, without hurting the chair, liz one ov
the lost arts
Job waz card, he had more pashunce,
and biles, tew the square inch, than IL
usual.
One hundred and twenty-five akers ov
korn tew the bushel liz considered good
krop, but have seen more.
l hav seen korn sold for 10 cents
bushel, and in sum parts Nv the Western
country, it IL SO much, that thare amt no
good law against stealing it.
In konklushun, if yu want tew git q
sure krop ov korn, and good price for
the krop, feed about quarts ov it to
shanghi rooster, then murder the rooster
Immediately, and sell him for II cents
pound, krop and all.-Ne0 York Weekly.