The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1871-03-02
MtSCELLANEOUS.

MISCELLANEOUs.
Correspondents are respectfully in
formed that personal love communica-
tions are not desired.-N. O. Times.
Oliver Wendell Holmes says boy
should be put In a barrel and fed from
the buug. hole till he becomes Of age.
Young swell: II say, boy, what do
you do with your clothes when you've
worn them out?" Boys "Wears 'em
'ome again ~
Mark Twain says: II haveseen slow
er people than I am-and moro deliber-
ate people than am-nnd even quieter,
and more listless, and lazier people than
I am. But they were dead"
To make little boys trowyers "last;" !"
when you make suit Of clothes for him,
finish the coat first, aud by 90 doing you
make the trowsers last. It is the only
way tho thing can be done.
Mr.. Reagan keeps a saloon adjacent
to the Office Of the Evangelist, and the
signs on the buildings read, Reagan,
the Evangelist-hot whiskeys q speci-
atty"
A Titusville reporter has heard Miss
Kellogg sing, and likens her notes to
the ''smooth, unctuous trickling Of the
oleaginous commodity from hundred.
barrel WE'LL"
II is not strange that Dio Lewis should
be deeply impressed with the import
ance Of health when his name is per-
petual invocation to his own funeral
N. Y. Times.
A charitable Cincinnati man keeps
pair of dogs chained at his front door, SO
that poor people who stop to get bite"
can be accommodated without taking
the trouble to go in the house.
An excellent old deacon, who having
won an old turkey At q charity rattle did
not like to tell his severe orthodox wife
how he came by it, quietly remarked as
he handed her the fowl that the Shak
ers gave it to him.
A distinguished clergyman in one Of
our Eastern cities was met by dilapi-
dated looking individual, with flask of
whisky in hie pocket, who inquired:
"sir, is this the nearest road to the
almshouse mo sir" replied the
clergyman, pointing to the bottle, but
that is!"
A lifelong Democrat is said to have
left the meeting house on q recent Sab
bath, In the town were he resided, be-
cause the minister made too frequent
use of the phrase, "Grant, we beseech
thee" He wouldn't stand that.
A young ryming correspondent of the
Louisville Courier Journal asks: "Is it
true that there is poetical inspiration in
tea, coffee, and such mild stimulauts ?"
Certainly it is. There is the case of Ed
gar A. Poe, for instance. A little t
would have made Ed gar A Poet.
The Trinity Tablet has the following
in the way Of poetry, which we have
rarely seen equaled:
Tis midnight and the setting sun
IL rising in the wide, wide west
The rapid rivers slowly run,
The frog is OH his downy nest;
The pensive goat and sIortive COW
Hilarious hop from bough to bough.
Appropriate to the season ~ the fol-
lowing beautiful stanza, after the style
Of beautiful Snow" and Of equally
doubtful authorship:
"Softly, Softly, while we slept,
Came the snow flakes gently down,
Came and sorrowfully wove
A shroud of white for the buried town;
We rose with feelings eager and in
tense,
And hired a middle aged Anglo African
shovelist
To clear our side walk off for fifty cts. !"
THE REAsoN.-At a recent examina'
ton, Of the schools in Washington, the
question was put to class ofsmall boys
"Why the Connecticut river was se
called?" when bright little fellow put
up his hand. :" Do you know, James,
Yes, ma'am; because it connects Yer
mont and New Hampshire, aud cuts
through Massachusetts,! :" was the tri
umphant reply.
They tell good story in milwaukee,
of lawyer who came back, after some
years. absence from the city, and went
almost Immediately into the trial of a
jury case.' II believe" said he to hi.
opponent, as he glanced at the occu
pants of the jury.box, II know more
than half these fellows, II / have beer
away 80 long," II should think il
strange" was the encouraging reply
"if you didn't know more than all o
them."
A little boy was advised by his fathe
to use illustrations in his converse when
ever they should occur to him; "for,
continued the parent, "there is no n,or'
forcible way Of conveying or expressing
your meaning" Shortly after the bo,
was lectured on generosity. "Its bette
to give than to receive, Johnny fa
better. The Bible says SO, and I say SO.
illustrate it, Papa. think will un
derstand you better" Father could no
see tue application.
Parson Gregg recently, "in the nam
Of the Lord" put a hend on certain o
the ungodly in LaNsister, Pa. 1t seem
that whenever the parson succeeded II
getting up . revival, certain indecorou