Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-12-02
WIT AND HUMOR.
An inn-vocation-icnding Lar,
The best help-HeIp yourself.

~ 'NNNN'W
your darndest.
Hucrs of wood and drawers of
watcr-Paintcrs.
Fall fashions for Chicago-Sacks
OF flour and potatoes.
The dearest spot on earth-ThG
store that don't advertise.
When is a clock on the stairs dan
gcroug? When it runs down.
A 10 7elymode ofrcasoninr, Man
and woman putting their heads to-
gcther.
A lobater never comes ashore
without great risk of getting into
hot water.
To get rid of red hair--IIold Your
Lead for few minutes in Il strong
blaze Of gas.
"That's my busincss,"as the butch
err said to the dog that was killing
his sheep.
When a mans face turns as yellow
as a guinea, he is said to have alich
complexion.
Why is a bccfstcak ike 4 looomo-
tive? 1t is not of much account
without its tender.
A baker has invented a new Kind
Of yeast. 1t makes bread 50 light
that a pound Of it weighs only twelve
ovnCCs.
Why is q husband like a Mississip-
pi steamboat? Because he never
Knows when he is going to get &
blowing up.
Wisconsin man reported that he
couldn't find a word N the diction-
airy, because 'the blasted book hadn't
got an index
Who is the fartcst man in the
world? ~ drummer, Why. Be
cause time beats all men, bUladrum-
mcr beats time.
The "Pilgrim's Progress" has
lccn translated into Chinese, an!
enc Of the illustrations represents
Christian with a pigtail.
] he difference between an entrance
10 a barn and Il loafer in y PRINTING.
Office? One is a barn door, and the
other is a darn bore.
A New England spinster says She
doesn't care anything about female
suffrage unless it carries with it tAc
lS"' " i'"N0 p'or''''' ~ "''''"7''
What air docs the young mouse
sing to the old mouse when biting
his way through tie scenery Il, Inc
opera! "liear me S"a"' ma (Aor-
ma,)
4 Cincinnati horse doctor adyor-
tises 10 teach a horse to sing, which
suggests to the Boston Post that we
Lave enough onc-horsc singers al
''"'!
respecting INC sang phrase y CN
Ano" 40" us EouIscI'' an c\-
change expresses 'he nope t'G, ash
mas Deeh I!aceu DICK 10 SNAKE
ILo"o WIN " "0"'0 70 ''''
"nOi'
a story IS toIu 0Ia person as,Iag
another WDether ne would ADVISE
MN TO ieh9 4 ccr'alii irlcna money,
WiaI !el'u MN liolley OF ln'Sn.'
s.tn ~, e'''0'' '"" i' No'i'N
'c'u'n
john, sald cockncy lawyer t'
his son, u see you VIII never DO 10!
an a'tofhey-yoH nave no l,she;Sy'
'hTcuSG NE, @ia'ner' sal'' Johh
Mnn"i l """' i' 'o'i0 VI 9o"' 'h''N
'""i!' -.
\ Missouri AuuDaud whose wifi
has applied TOR a divorce, write,
protestant to the Judge, IN which h'
rays; tins dam thlhg .tney call dc
many man and wifeb
1t Is SAID that you take TWO let
tiers from money there VIII be bu
one left; We have heard OF maj
VINO TOOK money lrSm letters an
there wasn't any lelt.
son, grandma y cried a mischicv
Gus little urchln,' Il cheated the hen
so nicely just now. L threw lbcI
your gold beads, and they though
they were corn, and ate them up a
fast as they could"
\ wag out west who read that dr.
coppcras putin a bed of ants woul
cauIe tneiito ieGVci pun So!nc ~ n
llotiglIin-laW ; Ocu ~ SIC II 81
"ouluh 90 llos"! snc was 'lleI
AZ 'ns' accounts
My dear," said a husband to nj
wife, I'm going to start a COTE
plantation" "HowU You get tn
Iaod!" oh, there's no trOubl
" "'T,'o , rT",ndS ai""! nor1 pi'"! !
''i e' '' '"p'
"Iou say" said a Judge to a wi
ness, 'that the plaintiff resorts to a
ingenious use of circumstaDti0l cv
dcncc; state just exactly what 20
mean by that" "Well,' said I'll
witness, "my exact meaniag is til;
he lied"
"Ihat fellows got into the "ron
grave, sald one gentleman TO anojI
CT, IN q cemetery "iloW 80! u
c"nae hho" MN 10 We lorEei I'LL
81 Inlet, ana yet, look upon that Fp
tanb" 6Dp careful - said fhn oIbn
a. r