The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-06-03
ghe Alba,,1 Reoistrr.
EFrom the Eawarisvills Republican.l
My Experience with a ventriloquist.
By DELL aAwrnons.

awakening your pity, you inis
don't want it. II you know any one VINO
does YOU have my permission to consul
.,,te vonrself a committee of one to bes'
tow 4 on him without limit. But don e.
deliberately chose life of single bless
: sdness because I would rather live on
raw outlets, burnt coffee, and bread OF
melancholy nature, than curtain lectures |
and rnilliners' bills.
/ once had friend who wildly plung- T
ed into the ouicksands of matrimony. |
In vain I urged, implored, entreated- |
The gods must have decided upon his |
destruction, for ne was mad beyond a |
doubt. His friends could do nothing
but GO with him to the sacrifice, and
then with farewell clasp of the hand
and tear in each eye, leave him to his
sad fate.
met him three weeks later.
Poor fellow In the halcyon days of
our youth he was stout and ruddy-alas,
what change! Now he could only have
weighed two hundred and seventy pounds
and his complexion, which might once
!. have successfully rivaled that Of boiled
beet, had faded to the shade of a brick.
In his hand he carried bill for Ave hun
dred and sixty dollars, and on his classic
brow the distinct impress of fire shovel.
fed to my room, where I shed tears
Sympathetic grief. From that moment
my resolution was formed. I should
never marry. OF course it was a great
blow to the young ladies of our town,
when my determination became known,
but could not sacrifice myself for the
hippiness of one of them.
regret to say that they survived the
shock. One of them should have gone
= 4 i liz
grave, so that second Madame de Staef
might have put US In novel, la Corin-
ne.
But she didn't.
/ expected to sail calmly, serenely
down the quiet stream of life, without
one opposing ripple to mar my perfect
psa,e. Was my experience success
Not any.
failed to imrpess my sister with a
proper.i idea of the beauties Of celibacy
She got married Girls most always do.
/ don't know what's the reason. Now 1t
she had chosen some one with the slight
est business faculty, / shouldn't have
cared. But she must tie herself for life
to a poet, one whose store of greenbacks
was rather scanty, and whose stock of
silver aud gold consisted entirely of a
volume of rhymes about silvery waves
and golden sulse.s- They jingle0 well
enough, but | would rather have heard
the jingle ofhis cash.
Well, he died after awhile, of parox
ysm occasioned hJ reading Swinburn'
poems My sister soos followed, leaving
her only child, little girl of ten, to the
guardianship of her dear brother George
who she knew woaid be glad to receive
her little Erna, as the last proof of the
love and confidence of his sister" How
did she know it? / didn't know it.
But l was very sorry for the little
thing, orphaned so soon, and promised to
do for it all that lay in my power.
The heart of childhood is ever buoy
ant, and ere many weeks had elapsed
she had recovered from her grief Such
an incarnats imp of mischief think /
never faw. A dozen demons seemed
lurking in those great black eyes, and
that curly head, always connecting some
scheme for the torment of others. She
played pranks on the servants, threw ink
bottles at the governess, and surrepti.
tiously abstracled her curls from the
bureau drawer for the adornnent of her
pet kitten, hid my slippers and pipe, fell
herself, and tumbied off her pony at the
every day of her life
She kept the entire household in con-
fusion, until the time came that she
could be sent to school. Then I breath
ed freely once more. Four years of
peace and quiet At the end of this
time, she came back to me a bright,
winsome maiden, with just enough of
the old mischief to make her CAV aud
charming. She was installed mistress of
my house, and a pleasant home she made
1t with her happy music and sunny
smile
An9 all went merry as Anything g
until finally Erna concluded to fall in
love. You may have observed that
young people have a habit of falling in
love. About ten hundred out of every
thousand of them do Now, ] should not
have objected, fsbe had only displayed
any discretion in the selection of an OBJ
ject upon which to bestow her affections.
But they never do. The millionaire just
over the way would have been the proper
one f3r her, and he loved her to distrac
tion. TO be sure he was forty years her
senior, but whse of that?
''Better 70 be an old mans darling, etc.
as / frequently remarked in Erna' s pres
ence. But Frank Hall must step in be
tween her and the diamond aud banl
stock of Mr.. Bullion. 1t was very un
grateful after all had done for him I'll,
had studied law with me, during Erna'
absence, and my house had been hi
home. intended 10 take him in a
partner next year.
Frank was talented, energetic, perse
vering. just the kindof young man WHOM
Ishould have been delighted to see mar
ried to my neighbor's neice or daughter
as the case might be, and should hay