Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1871-06-15
Funny Bits.

luge1 BkkDtl zf&
A humorous grocer labels his soap
/ Cheaper than dirt
Can lover be called sutton when he
don't suit her?
The cheapest and longest conveyance
| \ train of thought
1t is not always he who has the most
nose who knows the most
No class put more real feeling in their
vocation than the pickpockets.
A man who is sleeping in bed, lies
asleep; one who tells falsehoods, lies
awake.
! Ambition and religion should both be
in harmony. The symbol of both is
spire.
An iron bar used in Chinese fight was
classed as "sedative" by San Francisco
paper.
"Mammsa," said little boy who had
been sent to dry a towel before the fire, SIS
it done when it's browne"
Boston people who are in doubt as to
the best watering places" have got into
the habit of asking the milkman.
Greeley says that in order TO raise base
balls of the average diameter and density,
subsoiiing is absolutely necessary.
A conclusive argument against suicide
is, that it is the height of impoliteness to
go anywhere until you are sent for.
Mrs Stanton and Miss Anthony start |
for California on the LIST of June They |
will make numerous speeches along the
way
One ought, every day, says Gotehe, at
least 10 hear little song, read good
poem, see fine picture, and, lift be posi- |
BILE to speak few reasonable words
1t was Coleridge, who said of a school
master who was fond of applying the
birch, that il was lucky for the cherubims
viz NeaAftNO nm " NntN
were all heads.
II say, Pat says Yankee to an Irish
man who was digging in his garden, "are
you digging out hole iii that onion bed"
NO" said Pat; I'm digging out the |
earth and leaving the hole"
'Look here, Pete said knowing
darkey to his companion, don't stan on
the railroad" why Joes" "Kaseif de |
cars see that mouth of yourn, dey will
tink il am de depo and run rite in"
/ Appropros of The effects of diet Of
horsefesh, excuse is being found for the !
! Paris National Guards who ran away at
Cre'eil, on the plea that they had lately |
been fed exclusively on race horses.
"a man who'd maliciously set fire to
harn," said good old Elder Poyson, "and
b'.ra up "a stable full of horses and cows, |
ought to be kicked TO death by a .jackass,
and I'd like to be the one to do it,"
"What makes your cows so cross ?" ask
ed an old lady of her milkman My |
cows cross! What do You mean, mad
ann" why, as your milk is always
sour, thought the cows must be cross
lot"
There is only one s,imulant that never
fails. and yet never intoxicates-duty |
Duty puts a blue sky over every man-up |
in his heart, may be-into which the sky |
lark, happiness, always goes singing.
Ii was Madame de Stael who remarked |
of a conceited acquaintance "WheneverI |
see him feel the same pleasure receive |
from looking at fond couple-he and |
his self-love live so happily together
IT'S strange, muttered young man
as he staggered home from supper party. |
chow evil communications corrupt good !
manners I've been surrounded by tumb- !
lers all the evening and now I'm tumb
Ter myself"
An aged Scotch lady, knowing the hab
its of her old and spoilt servant, when she
wished note to be taken without loss of
| time, held it open and read it over to him, |
saying: There, moo, Andrew, We ken a
that's in it; moo dinna stop to open it. |
but jest send it off,
There never was wit at the bar SO
ready as Curran. Upon one occasion,
where he had laid down some points
which did MI find favor in the eyes ofthe
presiding judge, 'ifihat be law, said Lord
Glare to Curran, 81 may as well burn my
books Better read them, my lord, y re-
piled Curran.
A Connecticut man feigned sickness, the |
other day, when his wife was to be buried, |
in order to save his car fare, as she was |
to be taken to distant place, but when 1t
was found necessary to take a rope to hold |
| the coffin in the wagon, as it was taken |
to the depot, he appeared and put in a re-
quest that said rope should be returned, |
as ''it was handy to tie upthe calf"
A good parody was that involved in the
| story of a young English nobleman, with |
large number of titles and very small
amount of brains Lord this, Viscount /
that, and SO on, I'D fnfinif,na. my fair
friends" said. he witty N, lone of his !
titles you seem W have forgotten" "Oh," |
was The universal exclamation, i'wbat is
that ?" ''He is Barren of Intellect" was
the rejoinder.
A reliable exchange says that it knows
of a boy who accidentally swallowed
silver halfdollar. They gave him warm
water, and tartar emetic, and antimonial
wine, and poked their fingers down his
throat until the boy thought he would |
throw up his toe nails. After weile a |
doctor came along, who understood such |