Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1871-02-09
CURRENT ITEMS.
To KEEP DRY-Live on Goldfish.

CUhhENl 11LMSs
To KEEP DRY-Live on Goldfish.
DANGEROUS AssocIATEs-Those who
are dressed to kill"
IF you have means, live within them; if
you have not, live without them.
THE seed cane in Louisiana was seriously
injured in December, and the sugar crop
of 1871 will be short.
THE Washing ton Life is substantial in
its assets, elevated in its standing, and care
fully energetic in its management-GEo.
T. HOPE.
SWINGING is said by the doctors to be
very good exercise for persons health /;
but many poor wretch has come to his
death by it.
A CoUNTRYMAN went to the Terre Haute,
Ind, gas works the other day for a jug full
of gas to burn in coal-oil lamp.
A NEW YORK cat was SO rash as to lick
the cheek of lady of improved complex
ion, and in a few minutes was no more.
8 WEST VIRGINIA law requires ministers
to give bond for 81 500 before they are au-
thOrized to perform the marriage cere-
mony.
1.-THE prisoner has very smooth coun<e-
nance" Yes-he was ironed just before
he was brought in" That accounts for it.
A MAN in Washington got back stolen
coat worth $40 by legal process at cost
of $25 for lawyers fees and loss of wages.
A WIDOW holdings policy in the Mutual
Life, of Chicago, on her deceased hus-
bands life, gets the money herself. 1t
cannot be taken for his debts.
IMPORTS at New York during a recent
week amounted to $9,705, ,764, one of the
heaviest values ever reported in single
week. The duties were nearly $2,O00,000
A MAJOR in the Peruvian army has con-
structed a monumental clock in Lima,
which is said to be as wonderful as the
famous Strasbourg clock.
. GooD whisslers are getting skarce; rs
years ago they were plenty, but the desire
tew get ritch, or tew hold offs, has took
the pucker out of this honest and cheer
full amusement.-Josh Billings.
Mr., "CHAwLs THAwMPsoN " recently
ran his head against young lady duringa
cotillion. All! excuse me, deah," he
cried; did it hurt, ah?" "No, sir" she
replied, "it's too soft to hurt any thing"
In Louisville, a few days ago, John Hay
den scratched his hand with bit of glass,
and died within forty-eight hours there
after, erysipelas attacking the wound and
spreading into the heart.
AN old lady in New Jersey, having read
an account of the bursting of grindstone
in manufacturing establishment, became
terribly alarmed least the grindstone stand
ing in her cellar should burst and blow the
house up.
A BRUTAL man in Marblehead, Mass,
went home drunk the othert day, and
thrust his wife out of doors and broke her
leg 1t was set, and few nights after
wards he went home, drunk again, and
broke her leg again in two places.
:AsQuAINT old gentleman of an active,
stirring disposition, had a man at work in
his garden who was quite the reverse.
Jones" said he, "did you ever see asnail?"
'sCertainly," said Jones. "Then," said
the old boy, you must have met him, for
you never could overtake him."
A MATHEMATICAL friend is bothering
his head over the following problem: If
dogs with 10 legs can catch SO rabbits
with 81, in IA minutes, how many legs
must the same rabbits have to get away
from dogs with 80 legs, in II minutes
and a half-allowing 365 days in the year.
PORTLAND, Ne, rejoices in a useful
Newfoundland dog Let horse run away
and he Immediately seizes the bit, and by
his united strength and dead weight stops
it almost instanter, and thereby prevents
smash-up, if not more serious conse-
quences.
An ingenious wife in Des Moines, Iowa,
cured her husband of snoring thus: She
had gutta percha tube, with two cup
shaped ends; one she put over his nose
and mouth, and the other over his ear
He consumed his own nose, as a stove
does its smoke, nd-woke up instanter.
In remote part of Germany, a farmer
recently turned up with his plow $4,000
Roman coins, of an Unknown metallic COM
position. They are thick and heavy, and
date back to Marc Antony, Hadrian and
Commodus. The heads are finely done,
and the inscriptions unusually plain.
THE Lafayette Qnd.) journal saws :
1--WE saw man at the hay market, yester-
day, who followed poor COW some dis
tance, and took wisp OF hay out of her
mouth, which she had flched from his
load. That man will never die DOOR,"
THE Kenosha (Wis.) telegraph tells of
a'woman in that city who placed pocket
book containing $50 in the parlor stove
for safe keeping. While absent from home,
her husband built fire in said parlor
stove, and said pocket-book and contents
are not.
In Chihauhau, Mexico, a gold field has
been discovered at a place called Hormi-
gas, twenty leagues from the capital. The
discoverer gathered twenty ounces of gold
in one day. People are focking there in
masses, it is said, and all are doing well.
Farm laborers are abandoning their work.
A D-BE-sCHOOL-TEACHER in Ala
bama replied to question by one of the
examiners, Do you think the world is
round or fat?" by saying, "Well, some
people think one way and some another,
and I'll teach round or flat, just as the
parents please"
Boston apothecaries are moving for a
law declaring in effect that no person
shall be allowed to engage in the retail
drug business unless he have diploma
from regular college of pharmacy, or has
passed satisfactory examination before
an examining board, after serving regu-
lar apprenticeship Of four years in dis
pensary.
THE Portland (Me.) Company have COM
pleted mammoth fog-whistle for the
Lighthouse Department. 1t is the larg-
est whistle ever manufactured in the
United States, and, probably, in the world.
1t is an 18-inch whistle, weighs some 45O
pounds, and will require steam boiler of
50-horse power to furnish the steam to
blow it.
THE young man who will distance his
competitors is he who masters his bust
ness, who preserves his integrity, who
lives clearly and purely, who devotes
his leisure to the acquisition of knowl-
edge, who never gets in debt, who gains
friends by deserving them, and who saves
his spare money.
ABOUT twenty couples in New Or.
Jeans have been greatly shocked upon
learning that clerk in Judge Shelley's
efice forged the name of the Judge to
their marriage licenses, and appropriated
to his own use the money that they paid
therefor. They do not quite know
whether they are legally married or not
Four couples were married in Bath
England, a short time since, who were all
deaf and dumb, and, not being able to &c
through the service in the customary man
ner, followed the minister in his reading
by running'their fingers along the print
and, when the all-important question was
reached "Wi1t thOu have0 - etc thou