Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1871-05-02
VARIETY.
Something about women-aounces.

The only real ku-Clucks-our old hens.
The hire cla>s-laborersj the lore Glass
scholars.
..Grsndma." said a shrewd child, "do you
want some candy = Yes, dear, | should
ike some" Then il yuGlI buy some Ill
give you halt, sard Polly.
MADAM" said a pomp"us husband. whose
wife mad stolen up behind hIr! aud given a
kiss. 'Madrrn. | consider such an act indcc-
or"u> - ..ExcGsa me, reIcrtcd the wife, Il
didn't know it wa, you.'
At ZIns>viile. Ohio. 4 chi'l 90, into a row
with ITS father, when it ran to its mother Tor
protection. Tire father caught it by the legs.
and the mother held on to its arms, aud the
undertaker's uaue was Smith.
Servant looks into the breakfast room. and
says-'Plea>e, madame, there's \ be-gar in
the kitchen wants something to eat -
Misrress-"Give her the water in which
the eggs were boiled, Bridget; it is quite
nutritious"
a New Hampshire man, when asked to give
his consent to the marriage of his daughter,
turned with a beaming counteunuce to the 40
PlIcant and answered frankly: Yes. yes aud
don't you know some likely youug man who
will take the other -
An exchange says Massachusetts house
wives make the best Of pickles" Perhaps ON
the score OF acIdIry they might do very well.
but We should think the slze OF such pickles
would be rather Objectionable. Give Us Gu
cumbers instead.
"Ticket sir said 4 railroad conductor pass
ing through one of the trains the other DAY.
to q passenger. My face l. ny ticket" re
piled the other a little vcx-d JUDGED" said
the conductor. rullIn. back his wri~,b4ud and
displaying a powerful huuch of Ewes. well
my orders are TO punch all tickets passing
over this road -
The following highly aP7rccia,ive tribute
to California Strawberries l. from a Western
paper Strawberries grow in California all
the year round. The strawberries attain an
unusuIl size; it is not m for an
ordinary family 10 suhSiSt on one for a week
or two. 1t mast no; be supposed tina, all the
varieties are Of this size some are much
smaller, and 1t Is no; unirequent Tor 4 healthy
man to flush one at 4 meal"
An eccentric minister, in a larc, parish had
seventeen couples TO marry At once in a grand
common service at church. In the course Of
the weddings he asked one OF the men TO
pledge hImself to the wrong woman. The
man naturally protested, but was told, Hold
your tongue l will marry you all now and
here you can sort yourselves going home
One buxom girl replied L shau't sor, with
anybody but my own Jack. BY the looks Of
the rest they amt wuth sLucks ter sorting
with"
Lansing, Michigan. writes 4 Western cor.
respondent. is a very healthy locality for the
ague. at comes creeping up a fellows back
like a ton of w'ld cats, goes c~rawiin. through
his joints like IRON spikes. and i followed by
n fever which prohibits the patient FROM link
in" of anything bu; the independent Order
of Good TempIars. 1t isu'tt the every Others
day kind, bur gets up with a man 1T day
light, and sleeps in the small of his back all
night. His teeth feel about six inches too
long. his j"inis w"bbIe Ike a loose wagon
wheel. and the shakes are 50 steady that one
can't hold any sort OF conversation except by
putting in dashes
BILLINGs' ADvICEToJoE By awlmcaus
Joe. get married. # you have got q iaIr show
Don't sraud>shIycrIu. on the bank, but pitch
in and stick yurc he'd under aud the shIveri l.
over. There amt emmy more rrrck in .ci;In.
married alter you re Tciy- than there l. ia eat
ing peanuts. Mrnny a IN n mas stood >hIycr-
Ing un the shore tall the river uwl Uun cut
Don't expect To marry an au-cI. them hey awl
been picked up long ago. i;rmem,urr. Joe.
you am a saint Yourself. Dr NO; marry for
bury exclusively bury Is like ice. awlu, Zip
perry, aud thaws drediUl easy. Don't marry
for luv neither; luv is ike "A cookin.. Stove
good for n",hiug when the fuel yivcs out
But marty a mixture. And let the mixture
be some bury ~becumiugly dressed. with about
$50 IN her pocket, a good ~pclier. handy and
neat in the house, plenty Of good seusc. a tuf
constitution and by laws. small feet. 4 Ii.ht
stopper add to this sound teeth and a warm
heart. This mixture will keep in emmy eli,
mate, and not evaporate. Ii the cork han
pens to be left off for two OF three minu;es
the strength ain all gone. Joe. Foe heavens
sake don't marry for pedigree. Thar amt
much in pedigree unless il is backed hv bank
stocks. y family with nothing but pedigree
generally lack sence.
BEHIND THE VEIL 1t is not always tins
practice of pretty ladies' to wear a veil. No!
even coTueiry will dispense with the pleasure
OF showing 4 lovely counteuauce, and the most
modest and retiring beauty likes :" be admired
for the regularity and delicacy of her features.
These reflections passed rapidly through the
mind ut a wcll-ku0wn magistrate RIDING up
town recently. by his side sat a lady. who.
from a single glimpse Of her cnuuieuwce he
imagined that he knew. At last he veutured
the remark that the day was pleasant.
Yes uurmured the female.
W y d." you wear a veil" inquired the
dispenser of justice.
Lest | atIrae, atten,inn.r
tits the province OF gentlemen to admire"
replied the gallant man of law.
Not when they are married."
but 1 AIN not"
"Indeed :"
ooh. no A.; I'm a bachelor -
GsThe lady ouia,lr rcrr.-al I--r