The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1871-03-17
What metre is best for valentine
Moot hnr hn .non nlinrhf olnnn

What metre is best for valentine !?
Meet her by moonlight alone.
Why are our iron.clads like unmar-
ried ladies? Because they are open to
engagement.
What weapon does a young lady re.
semble whose acquaintances pass with
out noticing her "A cut-tdss.
A SHARP girl wants to know If the
woman's rights movement includes the
right to do the courting II it does, she
is In for it, as the tnen in her vicinity
are very bashful.
A little boy, returning from Sabbath
School, said to his mother, "This cate
chism is too hard. Amt there any kit
ty-chism for little boys?'
What cord is it in which you can find
knots that no man living ever tied, and
no man living can unite? Why, a cord
of wood.
"Here's the banisters, but where are
the stsirs," as the drunken fellow said
when he felt his way around the bed
stead in the dark.
AN eastern man has sued his barber
for cutting off his moustache. The bar.
Der said he didn't see it, Several simil-
ar casualties are liable to occur here.
Mary had little lamb,
ltjumped up to the sky
And when 1t landed on its feet
Cried, "HOw is that for high?"
What world of gossip would be
prevented If 1t was only remembered
that person who tells you the faults OF
others, intends to tell Others of your
faults.
The editor of newspaper out toward
Lake Champlain, has discovered way
OF keeping eggs from spelling. His
method is to eat them while they are
fresh.
A Galesburg farmer, whose pew rent
was raised to $25, exclaimed: "Great
Caesar, here's nice state of affairs-the
Gospel going up and pork going down.
WHAT'S to become of us ?"
In answer to a correspondent who
wrote to country editor, asking if he
might send him something to "fll up
witb,' the editor replies, "Certainly;
let it be barrel of flour and quarter
of beef"
Papa, ought teacher to fog me for
what did not do ?"
Certainly not, my boy, replied the
father. "Well, said the little fellow,
he did to-day when i didn't do my
sum-"
AN exchange say: IA white man in
one of the bar.roOms of Alabama, the
other day, offered to pay for quart of
whiskey If a negro present would drink
it. The offer was accepted, and the dar.
key is now cOlOred angel"
AN OLD BACHELOR says that giving
the ballot to women would not amount
would keep denying that they were old
enough to vote until they got too old to
take any interest in politics.
A little boy in the infant class of a
Sunday-school was asked by his teach
er If he had learned anything during
the past week. "Oh, yes" said he.
"What have you learned ?' "Never
to trump your partners trick" was the
reply.
The following epitaph may be found
on tombstone in Vermont:
Am she went, and be she gone,
And are l left here all alone?
Oh cruel fate, thou best unkind,
To take she first and leave behind.
Cant you manage to give my son
one of the prizes at the exhibition ?"
asked a mother of a teacher. "No,
madam" was the reply. "Your son
will stand no chance he obstinately
persists in idleness." "Oh, but then"
exclaimed the fond mama, eff that s
so, you can give him a prize for perse-
verance"
LAwYER-''How do you identify
this handkerchief
Witness-"By its general appearance
and the fact that have others like it,"
Counsel-"That's no proof, l have
got one in my pocket just like it,"
Witness-"I don't doubt that. l had
more than one of the same sort slo.
len."
The other day, in rural town, an in.
quest was held over the body of man
who had been killed by horse. After
hearing the testimony of several wit
nesses, the jury retired and soon re.
turned with the following verdict
"That deceased came to his death from
the effects of wound in the head,
caused by a horse shoe in the hands OF
horse"