The Charleston daily news. [volume] (Charleston, S.C.) 1865-1873, 1871-08-08
ALL EUROPE n ARMS AGAINST AMERICA.

His handwriting was go feariully and wonder
fully bad that no living man could read It. And
80 when he sent his first annual message to
CongressAthe document was devoted wholly
to the tariff and agriculture-a sentence ap-
peared which subsequently was ascertclned TO
be, Large cultivation Of rutsbagas aud beans
. is the only hope Of the American nation, ] am
sure" The printers, not being, able to inter-
pret this, put 1t In the following form, In which
It went to the world: "The Gear of Russia
couldn't keep clean II he washed himself With
the whole Atlantic ocean once day 70 This
perversion of the message was immediately
telegraphed to Russia by the Russian minister,
and the Gar was 30 indignant that ne immedl-
ately declared war.
Just at this time President Greeley under
took to write some letters to Prince Bismarck
upon the subject Of potato rot, and, after CIV
Guided with the statement that If the Emperor
William said that subsoil. ploughing was
not good In light soils, or that guano was
better than bone dust, he was o "llar, q.
villain, and q slave m or course the Emperor
also Immediately declared war, and became an
ally OF Russia and Of England, against which
latter country Mr.. Greeley had actually begun
hostlllties already, because the Queen, IN her
speech from the throne, had declared the Til
bune's advocacy Of o tariff on plg iron incen.
Si Sss. and calculated % o's'ofe e peace :.
Bhhappliy this was not tho full measure OF
our disasters. The President had sent to the
Emperor of Austria a copy of his book "What
know" &C., with his autograph upon a fy-
leaf The Emperor mistook the signature for
q caricature of the Austrian eagle, and ne
readily Joined In the war against the United
States: while France was provoked to the
same act by the fact that when the French
minister came to call upon Mr.. Greeley to
presSx9 his credentials, the President, who
WaN ting an editorial at the time. not COM
m ding tbe French language, mistook the
eador for q beggar, and without looking
M t9ssaded him q quarter and an order lot q
az Sgeasa3 sa3shlrt, and said to him, "Go West, young
naE5 so West"
PRESIDENT GREELEY AND CABINET HANGED.
So all these nations Joined In making war
upon the United States. They swooped down
upon our coasts and landed without opposi-
ton, for those exposed portions OF our unhap-
py country were absolutely deserted. TIE
President was afraid to call away the army
from Kansas at first, for fear the outraged peo-
ple upon the plains would come East In spite
Of him. But at last he did summon the army
to his aid, and 1t moved to meet the enemy:
It was too late. Before the troops reached
Cincinnati the foreigners had seized Washing.
ton and all the country east OF the Ohio, and
had hung the President, the Cabinet, and every
member of Congress. The army disbanded IN
alarm, and the Invaders moved to the far West,
where they found the populatlon dying OF star.
walton because they had followed the advice OF
Greeley's book to "Try, for your first crop, to
raise lines; and don't plant more than bushel
of quicklime In. hill !" OF course these
wreiched people were at the mercy of the
enemy, who-to his credi. be 1t said-treated
them kindly, fed them, and brought them
back to their old homes
UTTER RUIN OF THE REPUBLIC.
You know what followed-how Prince Fred
erick william, Of Prussia, assembled the Amer
ican throne, and the other humiiations that
ensued. 1t was fearful blow to Republicans
ism-a blow from which it will never recover
It made us, who were free men, q nation o.
slaves. It was all the result of our blind coRf
dence in misguided old man who thought
himself philosopher, but who was actually
fool. May heaven preserve you, my children
from the remorse feel when remember
that voted for that bucoltc old editor.