Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1871-07-20
OUR APPETlZER.

A lad, in Elswnrth, Mo-, Is the
mother OF .welve twins, and Is yet
Young enough to carry on the basi.
ness.
"A Washington paper says that
disappointment in love is making
drunkards Of mary women in that
city.
"A Baf1aIo girl In response TO .ha
California cry "of come over and
marry us,' says" Send along YOUR
tickets, II you mean wis. r~. 10y 4
A New Ymh burglar was cap.
,nred while singing "Do They Miss
Ne at Home" They do, for ten
years.
"A Wyoming woman complains
that hundreds Of the ser fsflise to
vote in the territory Unless coaxed to
Il" so by the good hooking men.
Miss Alcott i. going to be msr.
ried Her next production will bo
Little Babiea," sequel to "Li,tlo
Men aud "Li,tle Women"
A Nevada man has incurred the
1erision Of his townsman by shoot
ing at his wife twen,y.seven ti,n.s
without hitting her.
Several Polish Counts are on
their way to America, and An ex.
change says that next winter our
restless bellies will doubtless hy from
Pole To Pole.
Whenever preacher has preach.
ed sermon that pleazes the whole
eopQregashun, he probably has
preached one that the Lord won't
ipdvrse.-- Billings
go" Where ARE you going :" said Q
Scotch gentleman to thief, whom
he observed crawling through hole
in the hedge into his garden. Back
again." replied the thief, as be hastily
retreated.
A Cleveland merchant lately re-.
ceivrd package labeled, II box
Tom. Cats" II took him some tims
to deriphcr the fac, that the in.crip.
ton meant box Of tomato catsup."
| Wantrd--a cover for bare aus.
|, picion, veil from the face of nature,
buttons for breaches of privilege,
binding for volumes Of smoke, cement
for broken engagements.
-~" Never lis.en to hatterers, my
dear" said a mother to her daughter.
"Why, mamma, how shall I know
they are hatterers unless listen 10
them ?"
Old Mr.. Hopkins, Of Mississippi,
aged 90. was so mad because he
couldn't get ON his shirt the other
dav. that he took his faithful sbot gun
and blew his head of.
A gentleman addressing \ pas
sionaie love letter to a lady in ths
same town, added this curious post.
script: "Please TO send speedy
answer, as I have somebody else in
my eye"
--"pa," eaid lad to his father,
Il have often read Of people poor but
honest; why don't they sometimes
say rich but honest ?" "Tut, tut, my
-ou, hubody would believe them,"
ANSWERED thu father.
Somebody asked the Hon. Frank
Madison " how much money he made
ont Of the county when he was IL. the
Legislature" he replied, "Not a cent,
sir "--but added" made il all IN
it,"
"A cnraie having been overhauled
by his bishop for attending q ball, the
former replied, my lord, | wore a
mask" "Oh, we'll" returned ths
bishop, !" that put, new face on the
affair"
An Indiana county clerk has
found in HI. Office a certificate which
reads "This is to sertifv that !,
William Sands, in agreed that Jim
Brown shall hev mi Daug ghier Patssy
to wife this nth day VI gene very,
isll."
AN incomprehensible idiot asks.
What is the difference between y
hupdred-'eg hug and q half dozen
penny oranges ?" And then with
tiendish delight he answers; "One i.
\ cen,ipede, aud the others q cent.s.
piece"
There was seen the osher day
a little boy in tie streets Of Colo~
N. T., crying. A gentleman, = ~,
ping up to the little fellow, .,,'ul
My little man, what Is the M to- ;,
To which he responded r,.s ro
the stomach. ache, and ~ 49, 80 ~
again il I've q mind TO-" o ~
An Alabama editr = hav,
Or. Halls lecture sd WIN, ~, ie"u ha.
band and wife shou' ID slesn ina IN sensr, sr
ate apartments, ava thar n III,
can sleep where he chooess. bu. 70,
hims"lf he inv .nds to .leep where ~ ioa hs
can defend us wife agains. rata and
al other noe turnal foes, Is long = be
has got ons II defend.
1T y an exploded theory that wo.
men dress IN rie;.~e men. Thsv