Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-03-18
GATHERINGS by THE WAYSIDE.


A man who says he will subscribe
anon, very often proves to be a non sub
scribcr
because horses arc used to rens, it
does not follow that they arc unaffected by
the weather.
"A man excused himself for marrying
by saying that his friends declared he drank
too much for n single man.
-" have very little respect for the ties
of this world" as the chap said when the
rope was put round his neck.
-" You look as though you were beside
yourself" as the wag said to fellow who
was standing close to a donkey.
-" I'm sitting on the Style Mary"
as the fellow said when he cody sat down
on his sweethcarts new bonnet
-" My dear DOCTOR" said lady, 81
suffer great deal with my eyes" " BE
patient, madam" he said, 'you would
probably suffer great deal more without
them"
-" Trouble you for some more bread
landlord. l always cat a good deal of bread
with my meat. Landlord" So l see
sir. And good deal of meat with your
bread"
Tho conductor Of an omnibus said to
young lady. one of his passengers
Miss, your fair" "Well, if | am" she
replied, 81 don't want any of your impert
inencc."
-" Bill" said Bob, "why is that tree
called the weeping willow ?"'" Cause one
Of the sncaking, plaguy things grew near
the school:housc, and supplied the master
with switches"
"A Tennessee temperance lecturer de-
nounccd rumscllers us worse than murder
crs. He had subsequent interview with
the urbane and genial hotel keeper and
wears his left eye in sling.
-" Mr. G.. has spoken i'll of you" said
gossip to his friend, man who thoroughly
understood the world. "That astonishes
me-" was the reply; l have never render
ed him any service"
An eccentric citizen of St. Louis died
recently, and left in his will $1,000 to
man who ten years before had run away
with his wife. One of the last things he
said was that he never forgot favor.
-" You ought to acquire the faculty of
being at home in the best society,"" said
fashionable aunt to an honest nephew. "I
manage that easily enough" responded
the nephew, " by staying ut home with my
wife and children"
1t is fact Of no little significance that
not only is the Princess Louisa. fourth
daughter of Queen Victoria, to marry
Presbyterian, but the wedding, to the
great scandal Of strict churchmen, is even
to take place in Lent.
Tho new King Of Spain cannot speak
the language Of that country At his in.
auguration portion of the oath was not
repeated to him because he could not cor
rectly recite the words, although two min.
listers drilled him in the pronunciation for
two days.
The city of duelists deserves this no.
tice from the Louisville Courier "You
never hear Of suicide in Memphis. When
man there gets tired of living no doesn't
have to walk more than one or two SQUARES
before he stumbles over somebody who is
anxious to kill him. 1t is much the better
plan. 1t spares the one man the crime of
self-slaughter, and affords the other what
they call down there an innocent gratfca.
ton.
Abraham Lincoln used to say that the
very best story he ever read of himself was
this: Two Quakeresses were travelling on
the railroad, aud were discussing the pro.
bable Termination of the war. II think"
sa,d the first" that Jefferson will succeed"
"Why does thee think go ?" asked the
otner; Because Jefferson is praying
man. And so is Abraham praying 2
man.. Yes, but the Lord will think
Abraham is Joking" replied the other con.
tlusivcly.