Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1871-11-23

man tor cutting off his mustache, put in
the plea that he didn't see it.
| An Illinois paper gives credence to a
story OF snakes coming from q woman's
mouth Just before her death.
An exchange says: 'Phlsdelphia has
female undertakers.' What do they
undertake? To yet married.
There is man so intensely polite that
he cannot pass hen on her nest with.
out saying don't rise, madam
There is an enormous apple crop in
the Northwestern States, and very
small one in the Northeastern, States.
An Illinoisan recently kissed the
hired girl while his wife was looking.
lie Will be out again by Thanksgiving.
young man named Turn married A
cousin of the same name, on the plea
that One good turn deserves another
A bachelor editor, who had a pretty.
unmarried sister, lately wrote to another
similarly circumstanced. Please ex.
change"
! The Neglected Married Woman's So
ccty, passed resolution inviting re-
spectacle young men to attend the weekly
meetings.
A little girl, sent out to hunt eggs,
came back unsuccessfully, complaining
that lots of hens were standing round
doing nothing
When Socrates was told by friend
that his judges had sentenced him to
death; And has not nature said he,
| passed the same sentence upon them!
The newest word out is tzecuintepoi-
10th, and it means in English man who
cant take Joke. and gets his back up
at the merest trhe. Its Mexican defini-
ton is hunchbach dog.
Before hanging man in Louisiana,
they let from fifteen to forty reporters
for the newspapers interview him tor
three weeks. The poor fellow is then
not only willing but anxious to be hung.
Nina Penzer of Syracuse, who a few
months ago assisted in throwing her hus-
band into the canal and drowning him,
has married again. Candidates for
wives must be very scarce in that city
"A girl of the period comments thus
on Mormonism: How absurd; four or
hve wives for one man, when the fact is
each woman in these times ought to have
four or five husbands. 1t woud d take
about that number to support me decent
ly.'
A committee was recently appointed
to investigate the .xcessive chastisement
OF pupil in Michigan public school,
and reported that the punishment was
not actuated by malice, hut occasioned
bv an undue appreciation OF the thick
ness OF the boys pantaloons.
are the Scotch terrier dogs, of blush
gray color; the more blue they are the
more valuable they are considered, and
some ladies have been known to give rs
mnch mnucy for one of them As would
buy them handsome sable muf.
Brazil is now free Empire. The
Senate by an overwhelming majority
has decreed the abolition of slavery
The continent is now without slaves,
except IN those possessions dominated
over by Spain. We are not vet made
acquainted with the terms of Brazilian
manumission, but i. Is TO be hoped they
are liberal
\ man sent note 10 rich neighbor,
with " hom he was on friendly terms, TO
borrow an ass for few hours. The
worthy old man was no scholar, and
happened to have guest sitting with
him at the time, to whom he did not
wish To expose his ignorance. Opening
the note and pretending to read it, he re-
fiected moment and turned to the ser
want. Very good said he, tell your
master I'll come myself presently.
An old negro patriarch in Pennsyl-
van!a died, and there was great turn
ont to his funeral. As they filed past
the coffin the master of the ceremonies be-
came impatient at their slowness and
strutting along the street in front of the
house called out in auctioneer-like tones:
1T any mo- of YOU ladies and gemmen
want to take look at Uncle Ben, now's
Yer las chance; jes walk right up, quick,
for wc's jes gwine 10 screw him up.
Jenny Twicher,' the celebrated Earl
of Sandwich. once laid heavy wager
that he would invite to dinner six par
sons, and that each of them should have
u corkscrew i'll his pocket. The wager
was accepted; the parsons were invited
and duly came and after dinnermy lord
produced choice bottle OF rare wine,
which he was anxious to decant. Has
any gentleman a corkscrcwE he inquir-
ed. Instantly the six parsons each pro-
duced corkscrew.
When, at the peace preliminaries the
sum of milliards-which now seems to
sit so lightly on France-was mentioned.
Jules Favrc did not exactly burst into
tears as before, yet appeared utterly
speechless with horror. When he had
recovered from his paroxysm, all that
he could sav was that even If one We're
to count from the time of Christ till now,
one could not manage to count such AN
enormous sum- Upou which Bismarck
replied with a smile. Don't let that
distress you. l have thought of that,
and therefore brought this gentleman
pointing to Bleichrode, the Jewish bank
er-'with me. He counts from the crea-
ton OF the world
In 1850, the citizens of St. Anthony,
wishing TO receive William II. Seward
in becoming manner, appointed q COM
mittee to meet him at Cheever Hill and
escort him to the Winslow House. The
committee repaired to the Till, and after
waiting some time, learned that the
party had reached WinslOw by another
route. They at once returned to the
hotel. and were introduced to Mr.. Sew
ard. The spokesman, a lawyer Of the
place, after few brief remarks, said:
MIR. Seward, We are very sorry indeed
| tndt We ulu uOt nave tne opportunity vi
escorting you into town, but we beg 70
assure you we shall take great pleasure
in escorting you out of it,
Deacon Slick was an austere man who
followed oystering, and was Of the hard
shell persuasion. The Deacon 'alluz
made it pint to tell his customers that
the money which he got for listers did
not belong to him. The good father
made the isters,' said the Deacon, and
the monev is His'n; lam only stooart.'
They do say the Deacon had way of
getting ten cents more on q hundred in
his peculiar method of doing business
for somebody else. One Sunday NOM
ing the old fellow was tearing around
from house to house with q suspicious