The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1871-02-03

WHOLE NO. 229.
Grave and GAY.

Grave and Gay. ed
A FLORIDA gentlemen proposes to
| fight an alligator with a butcher-knife
, for $500.
An Indianapolis paper puts the cap
| ture of a four pound eel In its chrome
logical record.
A REASON why a piano was not saved
at a fire was because none of the fire
, men could play on it.
Why is a clergyman like locomo-
: tive? Because you are to look out for
him when the bell rings.
A VETERAN angler fshed two hours
through the ice in North Stonington,
Conn, one day last week, and caught
fifty-nlne piekerel.
TIE Boston Advertiser has been
looking into the census returns, and
finds that "in Colorado there are many
men OF many mines.n =
Chow do you define 'black as your
hat q" said a schoolmaster to one of
his pupils DARKNESS that may be
felt, u replied the youthful wit
The thrice-tried lawsuit of Rev. Mr..
Gibbs, to recover salary due him from
the Congregational Society of Gilead,
Ct, has resulted in q verdict of 1897 in
his favor.
A MAN who was told by clergyman
to remember Lots wife, replied that
he had trouble enough with his own,
without remembering other mems
wives.
NICE wooden shoes are manufactured
by the Swedish colony in Maine. A
pair costs forty cents, and only two
hours time is consumed in the manu-
facture.
TIE authorities of Harvard College
have issued circular announcing that
in 1872 the requisites for admission in
to the Freshman clall viii be consider
ably increased.
I THE question is now agitating Massa-
chusetts, whether wine cellar in a
! gentleman's private house comes under
the law prohibiting the vending of in
toxicating beverages.
An old lady, not remarkable for the
clearness of her ideas, describing fine
summer evening, said: "It was q
beautiful bright night the moon made
everything as light as featherlp
A LITTLE dog which was not long ago
carried by railroad from Canterbury,
Conn, to Hartford, soon became home
sick, and silly started off alone on his
way back It took him eleven days to
accomplish the forty miles.
Hrs GRACE JOHANNES, the Russian
bishop of Alaska, held a solemn reli-
gious service at the Greek Russian
chapel in San Francisco on the 9th of
January, that being Christmas Day ac-
cording to the Greek-Russian calendar
I The sacrifices the present war in Eu-
rope demands are shown by such fact
as this, mentioned in a private letter to
the MOravian. Near Herrnhut, Saxony,
father had three sons and four sons
in-law IN the army. They have all been
killed.
"NEvER," says a henpecked man,
" marry woman worth more than thou
art. When l married my wife 1 was
worth fifty cents, and she was worth
sixty-two cents; and when any differ
ence occurs between us she throws up
the odd shilling"
SoJoUBNER TRUTH uses this argument:
"Did Jesus ever say anything against
women7 Not a word. But he did
speak awful hard things against men.
You know what they were. And he
knew them to be true. But he didn't
say nothing 'gainst de women"
A MOVEMENT is afoot at Boston for
the relief of needlewomen and other
working girls, many of whom are now
out of employment. Boarding places
where living may be had at small ex-
pense viii be established, and other
philanthropic plans will soon be carried
out.
A msER worth $50, 900 died in Knox
vile, H., recently, from unintentional
generosity. He drew bank check of
$500 instead of So, to present to a
nephew, and when he found what he
had done, he cried, "My God, 1 am a
ruined man." and very appropriately
died.
A YOUNG LoUIsvILLIAN enjoyed tete-
a-tete with his beloved in a doctors
study on a recent evening TIL a skele-
ton hanging up began to rattle omi-
nously. Both thought ghosts, and fed.
1t was found that rat was building
his nest in the skull, and his move
ments caused the rattling.
The hunters of Siberia, when pressed
by hunger, take two pieces of board,
and placing one on the pit of the stom-
aeh and the other on the back, grad
ually draw together the extremities,
and thus aIlay, in some degree, the
cravings of appetite. This is supposed
to be very economical kind of board.
FORREST acted in Chattanooga, re-
Gently, and a Knoxville paper insists
that when he appeared on the stage,
and the audience saw that he upon
whom they looked was not the cavalry
leader, General N. B. Forrest, the only
great man of that name of whom they
had ever heard, they jumped to their
feet and declared they had been sold.
A CLERGYMAN was preparing his dis
course on Sunday, stopping occasion
ally to review what he had written and
to erase what he was disposed to dis
approve, when he was accosted by his
little son, who had numbered but five |
summers: Father, does God tell you
what to preachl" Certainly, my
child" ''Then what makes you scratch
it outln
The Mechanics Institute at Kansas
City has just held a fair, and set of
furniture was awarded to the local edi- |
tor receiving the highest number of
votes, and a pump to the one receiving /
the least. The young man who got the |
furniture Immediately took out a mar
rage license, and the one that got the
pump has started a temperance sos
ciety.
WITHIN the past few days four tubes
of the railroad bridge across the Mis-
souri at Council Bluffs have been sunk |
to rock bottom, depth of seventy
three feet each. The engineers are con-
fident that the bridge viii be ready for
crossing by the first of September |
next. The passenger trains of the
Union Pacific railroad are now crossing
to the east side of the river on tenn