Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1871-11-10

How hen Purtlc Got His wife.

es
Tho very climax of uglness was Ben Pur
Ito. He was rcd haired, and cyery hair stoot
as if it cherished the most supreme contemp
for it's next ncighbor. His face was frocklct
as the most bespottcd turkey egg; his nose
supported at the bridge huge bump, Will,
tho end turned yiciously to one side. His
form was as uncouth as his faco was ugly
still, what was very strange, he had most
handsome, bouncing, blooming wife, such as
only can be grown on country farm. "IIow
tho DEUCE" said | to Ben ono day, 'did you
ever get such wfc-you uncouth, misshapen
quintcsscncc of monstrosity?" Ben was not
ut all offended at tho impudcncc of my ques.
| ton, and forthwith proceeded thus to solve
| the mystery Z"
"No gals, what's sensible, amt cotohed by
your highfalutin airs and quality dressin' and
| cologne. You know that Kato was always
cellcd Che prettiest girl in these parts, good
tempered, too, and all tho fellows tried to
catch her. | used to go over to Uncle Sam
mys just to look on, you know, and cast
shceps eyes at Katc, but lord sakos | had
no more idea that l could get Kate than a
Jerusalem cricket could hide in tho hair on
old Sammy's bald head. I couldn't help
signing, and my ears would burn, and my
heart kinder O. futtor whenever I would talk
to Kate. Ono day, when Kate sortor o made
fun of me like, it almost killed me, sure.
went home with something like rock iostlipg
around in my breast, and cen Almost thought
I'd hang myself with the first plow limo 1
found"
"Did you hang yourself 2" I asked.
"No Daddy bazed off at me for not TAX
ing old Ball to pasture in the morning and
scared me so bad that forgot all about it,
"Go on, said I, seeing Ben pause with ap.
parent regret that he had not executed his
VOW.
"Wcll, Que Sunday morning, I reckon
about q year after the hanging scrapc, | got
up and scraped my face with daddy's razor,
and put on my new linsey coat and coppcras
britchcs, nanny had died with sassu fras
bark and tixings, aud went over to Uncle
Sammy's. Now I'd got to loving Kate by
this time like all creation, but I'd never told
anybody about my feelings. Well, when
[ got there, found Joe Sharpe and his two
sisters wore there, and that the order Of the
day was to go muscadinc hunting. Joe
Sharpe was flying around-'Nliss Kate this
and Miss Kate tothcr'-by and by VIC came
to nasty black muddy slough that VIC had
to cross on a log, and nothing would do but
that Joe Sharpe should lead Miss Katc across.
They got about half way when in went a
tarnation big bull frog, and in went Miss
Kate to the waist in the nasty, black, muddy
slough. Joe ran backwards and forwards on
the log, following for pole to holp her out
was in there, and had her out in less than
no time. Joe Sharpe came up and says,
Miss Kate, arc you hurt 7? My dandcr was
up, and | couldn't stand it. | just caught
him by the scat of his white trowscrs and the
back of his coat collar and gave him toss -
Maybe he didn't go clear under when he
struck the water. | didn't wait to sec him
out. Me and Kate struck right for the house
By and by Kate says, Ben, just let me hold
on 10 your arm my knees feel sort O. weak
| made tremendous effort to say something
nice, but confound the luck, l couldn't get nv
mouth off, no how. Rnt felt strong, ns an
elephant, and hclpod Kate along. BY aud by
Kate says: Ben, that Joe Sharpe is q good for
nothing, snoakng, cowardly nobody, and if
he puts his head inside our house again, I'll
souso him with dirty water, sure made
another tremendous effort to get my mouth
off, but nothing could say. By and by Kate
says Ben. feel that you are my protector,
and believe daddy about right when lie says
you are worth ali the boys in the ncghbor-
hood | made another tremendous effort to
get my mouth off, and out it popped sure
cnough-said I, Kate, if you arc going to
have nc, just say so, right straight up and
down Kate didn't say anything, but hung
down her head and kinder sighed felt en-.
said I, Kate, if you arc going to
have INC just squeeze my hand aud she
squoze it, right strait. Great gecminy,
how did feel. l felt like stream of warm
sassafras tca swcetened with molasscs, was
running through my bones. cotchcd her
right around the neck and kissed her square
on the mouth, and she never tried the first
time to get loose
"Old Sammy was mighty we'll pleased
about the thing, and so was tho old woman,
and we got married tho next fall after the
muscadine scrape."
Sick OF IT,-Judge -, q man of
liUh standino and character bcyond rnnrooch