The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-10-17
"WhatI knO About Phnrmin.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.


What | kno about pharmin IL kussid
little. Nj buzzum friend, Horace
Greeley, haz rit hook with the ahuv
name, and altho haven't had time to
peroose it, yet don'r hesitate to pro
nounce it bully.
Pharmin (now dazel is pretty much
all theory, and therefore is astonishing
that a man kan live in New York and
be good chancery lawyer, and also
kno all about pharmin.
a pharm (now daze) ov one hun
dred akers will produse more buck
wheat and pumpkins, run on theory,
than it would sixty years ago, run on
manure and hard knocks.
There is nothing like book larning
and the time will eventually come, when
man wont hav to hav only one o
Josh Billings Farmers Allmanax, &c
run pharm, of kamp meeting with
Even now 1t amt unkommon tew see
three or four hired men on a pharm
with three or four span OF oxen, al
standing still, while the boss goes into
the library and reads himself from the
days ploughing.
If | was running a pharm (now daze,
| suppose would rather have twenty
five bushels ov sum new breed Of pota.
toze razed on theory, than tew have 81
bushels got in the mean, beknighted
and undcrhand way ov our late la
mented grand parents.
Pharming. after all, is good deaI
like the tavern bizznesS; enny body
thinks they kan keep a hotel (now
deze), and they kan, but this is tle way
that poor hotels cum tew be so plenty
and this is likewize what makes phar
ming such easy and profitable bizzness
Just take the theory ont OF pharmin,
and thare amt nothin left but hard
work, and all phired little krops.
When Sc so mutch phokes rushing
into theory pharmin, as tharc IL, (now
dazc) and so menny Ov them rushen out
agen, think ov that remarkable peece
ov skripter, which remarks, mcnny are
called, but few are chosen.
onst took farm on shares mlselt
and run her on sum theories, and the
thing figgered up this wa: dun all the
work, phurnished all the seed and ma
nure, had the agew y munths out ov -
for mi share OF the profits. and the
other phellow paid the taxes on the iarn
for his share.
Bi mutual kencent quit the pharn
at the end ov the year
What kno about pharmin amt
wuth braggen about, and feel it m
duty to state, for the benefit OF mi cred
itors, that If tha ever expect me to pay
5 cents on the dollar tha mustn start
me in the theoreticle farmin employ.
II n man realI Y il anxious tew make
mummy on a pharm, the less theory be
laws in the better, AMI he must DO pretty
much all the work hisseli and support
his family on what he kant sell, and &c
ragged enutf all the time to hunt bees
kno Of meuny farmers who are SC
afflicted with snycrst!sion that they
wont plant single bean only in the
last quarter Nv the moon, and knC
others so pregnant with science thatthey
wont set a gate post until they have bad
the ground analized bi sum professor o
ANATOMY tew see if the earth haz got
the right kind OF ingredenCe for posi-
holes
This is what call running science
into the ground. =,
The fact ov it is that theories OF a..
kinds work well except in praktlss
thev are too often designed to do the
work OF praktiss
They amt no theory in breaking 8
mule only tew 60 at him with a club il
YOUR hand and sum blood in your eye
and brake him, just as you would spill
log.
What kno about pharmin ain
wuth much emmy how, but | undertook
10 brake kicking heller once.
! read ureatiss on the subjekt anC
phollowed the dreckshuns cluss and
got knokt endwaze in about ) mints
! then set down and thought the thin!
over.
made up my mind that the Phe!
! low who wrote the treatiss was more il
the treatiss bizzuess than he was in tn
kicking beifer trade.
] com to the konklushun that wha
he knu about milking kicking heifer
he had learnt bi leanin over a barnyar,
fence writing the thing up.
Igot up from my refekshuns strength
ened, and went for that heifer
I will draw a vail over the languag
l used, and the things ] did but ! wen
in to win, and won!
That heifer never bekum COW.
This is one way to brake kickin
heifer: after a man had studied all th
books in kreasiun on the subject, an
tried them on, he will fall back onto n
plan, and make up his mind, as diC
| y. L N