The Van Buren press., 1871-06-27

qusrreled during the whole term OF their
life. At last the husband was taken i'll
and evidently about to die. His wife came
to his bedside. where. after she had seen his
condition. the following coloquy ensued
why, dady, your feet are cold, your
hands are cold. and nose is cold
"Waal let um be cold"
"Why. daddy. you'cr going to die"
"Waa guess know wot m about"
Why. daddy, watts to becum of mo il
you die %
"Dnnno, and don't care Wat want
TO know is, watts to become Of me :"
SLASpER.--A big dog that goes IN
chained. and snaps a, evory body better
than himself. This applies slso to the fem
inine gender.
People who are always fishing for
compliments do not need very long lines
They will get their best bites n shallow
water.
CHARITABLE.-Servant looks into the
breakfast room" Please, madame, there $
beggar in the kitchen wants something
to eat
Mistre0.--Give her the water in which
the eggs were boiled. Bridget tis quite
nutritious
TRUE.-A lady writer in one Of the daily
papers says. il women were ms particular
in choosing a virtuous husband as men are
In selecting a virtuuos wile.;a m oral reform.
alton would soon begin. which would be
somethinu more than froth and foam.
Sorr Soar. Cut two pounds Of com
mon brown soap in to thin slices, to which
add one ounce OF borax. and ten quar;s OF
water. Put the whole over the fire, and
when the soap and borax are dissolved, the
soap is done. 1t requires bnt little time
and trouble TO make this soap, which is
vsrv valuable for washing dishes. cleaning
paint, scrubbing floors, etc ii $, moreover.
very healing to the hand III less wser is
used. the soap will be harder.
-Frizzled hair hanging low over the
forehead, is no longer worn by the ton.
The plan. simple sni elegant style adopted
is to draw the hair loosely back from the
hrows. This is becoming to all except rof-
sons having very high forehead A great
deal Of latitude i. permitted in the arrange
mcnt OF the hair. so as to suit the contour
Of iTsrrnt faces a,.
Horace Greeley. in answer to letter
from one Of our Z" bee keepers" says tina.
+" bees must be kedt in large coops, and
fed with corn stalks and strw, if You
would have them lay we'll They hatch best
in spring and it is not good plan to set
.hcm on goose. duck, or hen eggs
IA ccio,ed member Of the Texas Legis-
laturs was met upon the street With largo
roll Of green backs in his hand looking at
his pile. and cackling so loud that lie attr'
acted the attention OF a bystander. who said
to him. "What are you laughing at Jim?'
Jim replied, "You see that money y" Yes.
well. Boss. just got that for my vote
Hse been bought four or five times in my
life. but dis i, de fast time ] ever got do
cash my self
The woman who never owncSs Bible
supposed she was quoting it when she greet
ed her son. who came home to keep Thanks
giving. in the following words +; " Here
comes the fatted calf.
"Whiskey is your greatest enemy
bat" said Mr.. Jones. "don,t the bible
sny, Mr.. Preacher. that we are to love our
enemies!" Oh, yes. Jones' but it don. say
we are to swallow them
- darkey was boosting to grocer OF
the cheapncas of ten pounds oil sugar he had
bought at a rival shop. Let me weigh
the darkey assented and it was two pounds
short. The "colored gentleman looked
rerplexed fors moment AMI then said
Guess he dida't chea, dis chile much. for
while he was gettin de sugar, l stole two
pair Of shoes"
You look as though you were besid
yourself, as a wag said to fellow who stood
no side donkey.
Hens can hardly be said to mediate ar
attack upon their owners; yet they freq
uently lay for en-.
You want nothing. do you - said pat.
'Bedsd. an fits nothing ye want you II
find it in the jag where the whiskey was
A minister not long ago preached from
yuS teAt, DC ge, tueIeioict stcauias'' out
the printer made him expound from "Be ys
there for breakfast"
Whatever Midas touched turned in
20 gold In these days :ouch man with
gold and he'll turn into anything
Let young men remember that their
chief happiness in life depens upon their
faith in women No worldly wisdom no
misanthrobic philosophy no generalization
can cover or weaken this fundamental truth. |
II stands like the record Of God himself
for /, is nothing less than this-sud
shocla put an everlasting seal upon lips that
are won't to speak slightly of women.
The Gold Hill News Of . recent date
Gays: Poor Hnkler who died last week. had
only five doctors to attend HIM. They each
doctored him for different disease. and he
was only sick a week. One doctored him for
consump p,ion. one pneumonia, one for astn.
matic diarrhoe. another for chronic inllam-
ms,ory bronchitis. and the last one wen, in
on general principles against formidable
combination Of oil these diseases, crossed
with several other underlined ones. and the
last dose he ordord from the drug store. hich
was tescupful Of ammonia laudaunm. sui
ohnric acid tincturc of canthariies and rye