The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1871-01-26
MISCELL ANEOUS.

two hundred years, bought one to try.
Nobody but phool will spend biz
time trying tew convince a phool.
Time IL like money. the less we hay ov
it tew spare, the further we make it go.
Thare amt but very little ginowine
ser Sc in this world emmy how, and what
little thara IL amt in market-it is held
for a dividend.
Adversely il poultess which reduces
our vanity and strengthens our virtew-
even a boy never feels half so'good az
when he haz been spanked and sot away
to COOL
This setting down and folding our
arms, and waiting for something to turn
up, IL just about az rich a spek ufation az
going out into 400 acre lot, setting
down on sharp stone, with pail be-
tween our knees, and waiting for cow
to back-up and be milked.-Josh Bill
lings.
OF the $50 fires in the city of New
York in 1870 the fire marshal reports
that ll6 were caused by kerosene and
forty one by liquid gas and gasoline
illuminating fluids sold as mot danger
GUS, and extensively used not only
by the poorer classes, but in houses
where stationary ges-hghts do not always
suffice.
Here is the pIthest sermon ever
preached: "Our ingress in life is naked
and bare; our progress through life is
trouble anti care; our egress out of it we
know not where; but doing well here, we
shall do well there.
''Whiskey has done all this" Such
was the exclamation Of the wretched Mrs
Penzcr, who had helped murder her hus-
band in Syracuse, when the verdict
against her Of the Coroner's jury came
to her knowledge. At the same time,
In the same city, mother and child
we're found in a wretched garrett, with
an empty cupboard, but with full bot
tie of whiskey. These are Temperance
essays whose grim and forcihle eloqucnce
cannot be surpassed by the best lecturers
in the world.
Two lawyers, when a knotty DER
Shook hands and were as friendly as before.
"Zoundsr said the client, would fam know how
"Thou fool" SAIL one; we lawyers. though keen,
Like shears neer.cut ourselves, but what's between.
The industrial independence OF the
United States should be second only to
its political.
A ton of bar iron made in this coun-
try makes market to the farmer for a
ton Of wheat
pray, Madam, what do you charge
FOR recovering an umbrella ?' SAID Mich
ael o Flarity, from Tipperary. the other
day, walking into an umbrella shop
Let me see it, was the reply. All
faith and that's just what I want to do,
for I've lost one, and see you effer to
re cover them at very small charge, so
was just thinking [ would gec you to
recover mine" The shopkeeper was
instantly immersed in 6t Of the deepest
speculation.
Thackery tells Of an Irish woman beg
ging him, who, when saw him putting
his hand in his pocket. cried out, SHAY
the blessings of God follow you all the
days of your life. but when he pulled
out his snuff box, she immediately added
and never overtake YOU
Liberty is the right to do whatever
,.fha ;nfruI,nr III tc
of others.
Benjamin Smith wanted to shirk jury
duty in the General Sessions, n. Y.
Pulling long face, and with voice
seemingly tremulous with suppressed
emotion, he thus addressed, the clerk !:
81 am a public-spirited citizen, and
want to do my duty; but think l
should be excused from serving on the
jury. None of us are responsible for
death doings; and (heaving deep sigh
I have to attend funeral this afternoon.
That's my excuse" Certainly, Mr..
Smith, you are excused" replied the
spmpathizing clerk. Mr.. Smith had
reached the door, when be very cody re-
marked: "You see ] am an undertaken,
and my boy can't run frst-class funeral
in New York fashion. ''-Indepeu0ent.
At the theatre one night John Phe-
nix thought he saw an acquaintance sit
ting few seats in front, and asked a
gentleman between them to poke Kim
With his cane. When he turned around
John discovered his mistake Fixing
his attention on the play, and affecting
Indifference of the whole affair, he left
the man with the cane to settle the dis
turbance, and he. being wholly without
an excuse, there was, of course, q ludF
crous and embarrassing scene, during all
Of which Phoenix was profoundly inter
eated In the play. At last the man
asked, indignantly: did you tel me
10 poke that man with my stick?
ayes" 'sAnd what did you want 2
81 wanted to see whether you would
poke him or not.
Mark Twain says" 1 have seen
slower people than [ am-and more de-
iberate people than am and even more
quiet, more listless and lazier people than
am But they were dead. +"
The Chinese relieve neuralgia and
govt by applying OIL of peppermint over
the part affected. with cancels hair
pencil