Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1871-05-18
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
The BEST BREAD SoURcE-Work
The BEST SUBSTITUTE FOR SILVER
A MIN1srKR OF THE ExrRR1oR-Th.
tailor. NC
A CONSTANT GLEANER-The tax.ps,b.
erer e'A'
How TO FIND STEADY EMPLOYMENT
Get inside the State prison.
A POOR equestrian should always keen
his eye on the name chancs.
The man who sat on q paper of tacks
said they reminded him of an income tan
THEY are talking in California of build.
ing q $1,000, 900 ship canal by the aid Of
lottery.
CoNsIsTENCY-Asking blessing before
eating, and abusing the victuals Through
the entire meal
1T is said that chewing of coarsely IN.
gentian root after every meal will cure ths
taste for tobacco.
A WISE man advertises extensively, be.
cause he believes that many columns fur.
nisA good support.
A QUAINT old Scotch proverb runs thus.
An ounce OF mother is worth pound Of
clergy"
THE average weight of the human heart
is 81a ounces. Its work in day is equal
to raising 1874 tons one foot high.
THE policies of the Mutual Life Insur.
ance Company, of Chicago, are not loaded
with unjust restrictions
"RARER than the Phoenix" saws DE-
Quincy, " is the virtuous man who will
consent to lose good anecdote because il
is lie"
If you were to die to-day, would Won
leave your family independent of charitys
Insure in the Washington Life Insurance
Company, of New York.
THE locomotive which George Stephen.
son constructed in 1914 would travel only
four miles an hour. In 1926, six miles an
hour was the standard speed.
A BREWER. who was director in
penny savings bank, remarked, as the de.
posits were added up at the end of the
year: swell, this represents thirty thou.
sand pints of beer not drunk"
AN Irishman meeting another, asked
him what had become of a mutual friend
Arrah, now, my dear honey" answered
he, paddy was condemned to be hanged,
but saved his life by dying in prison"
THE following is an epitaph on the
death of young lady engaged to be mar
ried:
1.-THE wedding day appointed was,
And wedding dress provided
But ere the wedding day arrived
She sickencd and she die did
THE head of Vermont railroad shop
was applied to for permission to work on
Fast Day by a couple of men who were
noted for their laziness. Permission was
given, "for," said the chief, "you cant
either of you work hard enough to break
the day."
THE question, does getting drunk ever
advance ones happiness? would seem TO
be put to rest by the Irishman who went
coGrting while drunk, and was asked what
pleasure he found in whisky. "Oh, Biddy
it's trate intirely, to see two Of your
swate, purity faces instead of one"
"WELL, Tom," said blacksmith to his
apprentice, you have been with me three
months, and have seen all the different
points of our trade. l wish to give you
your. choice of work for while
"Thank'ee, sir" "Well, now, what part
of the business do you like best?" "Shut.
in up shop and going to dinner, sir"
martha, my DEAR" said loving hus-
band to his spouse, who was several years
his Junior, "what do you say to movingD
the Far WestY" "6h, 1 am delighted
with the idea! You recollect when Mr.
Morgan moved out there he was as poorS
we are; and in three years he died, leaV.
ing his widow worth 100000"
A CURIOUS movement of the magnetic
needle was noticed by an observer in
Italy during the eclipse of the sun in De.
cember last. The needle followed ito
usual course until the beginning Of the
eclipse. 1t then retraced its steps till the
instant of totality, and Immediately a.
terward began to move westward until i
had regained the exact position it occupied
when the eclipse commenced
MR.. GREELEY sent letter to friend
the other day, declining to serve as one Of
committee on political affairs in New
York city. The recipient, it is said, unable
to decipher the epistle, passed 1t over tos
neighbOr of the philosopher OF Chap
paqua, who read it before the Agriculture
Society as an essay on the advantages O.
cultivating the ever blooming variety
radishes.
A SNOWMAN in the State OF Name
wanted to exhibit an Egyptian mummy
and attended at the court house to obaia
permission. "What is it you want 70
show?" inquired the judge. An tgyg
tian mummy more than three thoasanu
years DID," said the Snowman. "IhlS
thousand years old" exclaimed the Judge
jumping to his feet; and is the cru1
alive?"
A MIDDLE-AGED man in Devonshlls,
England, was fined five dollars and COW
for refusing to make out census papa
for himself and his child, asserting thalM
did not know either his own name OF ~
place Of birth, and that he would mol pr
jure himself by making false entry. ~
another case gentleman, the possessMm. y
considerable property, refused to ali0'
the census of his family to be taken.
NOVEL PREMIUM.-A furrier IN rOr
land, Oregon, offers premium OF nI
dred dollar set of furs, to be awarded
competent committee at the next OrsgIs
State Fair, to the lady who will eInllS
the best three loaves of bread, to be m Isu.
at three consecutive bakings, not less lns,