The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1871-07-19
The Fate of Benjamin p. Gum.

The Fate of benjamin r. eSunn.
His name was Benjamin r Gum and he was th,
agent for an insurance company. He came rounC
to my Office fourteen times in one morning to sec
il he could not persuade me to take out lift
insurance policy in bis company. He used te
waylay me on the street, at church, in my owl
house. and bore me about that policy. II l went
to the opera, Gum would buy the seat next tC
me. and sit there the whole evening, talking
about sudden death and the advantages Of the
ten-year plan. If / got into street car, Gum
would come rushing in at the next corner, and sit
BY my side and drag out lot Of mortality tables
and begin to explain how / could beat his CON-
pany out Of q fortune. II sat down 10 dinner
Mt restaurant, up would come Gum, and, seizing
the chair next to me, he would tell a cheering
anecdote about a man who insured IN his CON-
pany for $4,000 only last week, aud was buried
yesterday. If / attended the funeral Of de-
parted friend, and wept as they threw the earth
upon his coffin, ! would hear whisper, aud
turning around, there would be the indomitabIe
Benjamin P Gum, bursting to say Poor
Smith Knew him well. Insured for ten
thousand in our company. Let me take your
name Shall ~
He followed me everywhere until at last got
so sick Of Gums prosecutions that / left town
suddenly, and hid myself in a secluded country
village, hoping to get rid of him. At the end of
two weeks returned, reaching home at l in the
morning. l had hardly got into bed before
there was a ring at the door bell l looked out,
and there was Gum, with another person He
asked me If Max Adler was at home. / said
was the man. Gum then observed that he ex-
pected my return, and thought he would call
around about that insurance policy. HIS said be
hid the doctor with him, and if would come
down be would take my name and have me ex-
amned Immediately. l was too indignant TO
reply / shut the window with a slam, and went
to bed again After breakfast in the morning
opened the froGt door and there was Gum sit
ting on the steps with his doctor, waiting for me-
He had been there all night. As l came out /
they seized me, and tried TO undress me there on
the pavement, in order to examine me. re- 1
treated and locked myself up in the garnet, with |
orders to admit nobody to the house until came
down stairs. But Gum wouldn't be bafled. He
actually rented the house next door, and stationed
himself in the garrett adjoining mine. When he
got fixed be spent his time pounding on the par
tition and crying Halo Adler Adler, say
How about that that policy? Want to take her
out now?' And then he would tell me some
anecdotes about men who were cut of immedi-
ately after paying the first premium. But paid
no attention to him and made no noise Then
there was silence for awhile.
Suddenly, one morning the trap-door Of my
garrett was wrenched of, and, on looking up l
saw Gum, with the doctor and crowbar, and
lot of death rates. coming down the ladder at me.
/ fed from the house to the Presbyterian church
close by, and paid the sexton $50 to let me climb
up to the point Of the steepe and sit astride of
the ball promised him $50 more if he would
exclude everybody from that steeple for week
Once safely on the ball, 800 feet from the earth,
| made myself comfortable with the thought that I
had Gum at disadvantage, and determined I
10 beat him finally if / had to stay there month {
About an hour afterwards, while / was looking {
ut the superb view Of the west, heard rustlng e
around on the other side Of the steeple. {
ooked around, and there was Benjamin p Gum t
,reeping up the side Of that spire in balloon, 10
which was the doctor and the tabular estimates a
If the losses OF his company from the Tontine t
ystem. As soon as Guam reached the ball, he q
brew his graphing iron into the shingles of the
teeple, and asked me at what age my father had
lied, and if any Of my aunts ever had died of
consumption or liver complaint. c
Without waiting to reply, / slid down the "
teeple to the ground, and took the first train G
Or the Mississippi Valley. In two weeks was Il
D Mexico. determined to go into the interior, "
nd seek some wild spot, in some elevated region b
here no Gum would ever dare to come. got a
u a mule, aud paid a guide to lead me to the al
op Of Popocatapetl. We arrived at the foot of n
be mountain at noon. Just before reaching the L
op heard the sound of voices, and upon round b
lg point of rocks, who should / see but Ben al
min P. Gum, seated on the very edge of the it
-ater, explaining the endowment plan to his SO
1de, and supplying him with a mortality table, oil
lille the doctor had the other guide few yards al
o. examining him to see if he was healthy. Ii
uun arose and said he was glad to see me, be- sa
luse now we could talk over that business about al
lie policy without fear of interruption. In at
lroxysm of rage pushed him backward into fs
lie crater, and he fell Thousand feet below with th
heavy thud. As he struck the bottom, heard th
voice screaming out something about mon ",
rfeiture = but there was a sudden CONFUSION "
the mountain, cloud of smoke, and / heard ha
more br
know it was wrong. know had no right to WI
Il Gum in tina. manner but he forced me to gu
it in selfdefense and hope his awful fate will SCI
a warning to other insurance agents who re- an
ain among Philadelphia Dispatch ap
HEcLA AND ETSA-It is long way from Hec- wi
in frozen Iceland, to Etna, in sunny Sicily. o'c
ct scientific men tell US that there is little m,
NH hat 4baea 1