davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1871-02-23
A LBEMAEsLE
IN INSURANCE COMPANY,
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA.

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA.
CHARTERED MARCH /, 1854.
This company, with its AMPLE RESOURCES, con
tinue to issue
POLICIES OF INSURANCE AGAINST LOSS
ESBY FIRE.
Since the war this Company has made good to
Policy holders,
LOSSES EXCEEDING $145, 200,
all Of which have been promptly PAID IN CASH.
MONEY RECEIVED ON DEPOSIT. AND GER
TIFICATEs ISSUED AS HERETOFORE
This is one of the few Southern Companies that
has survived the calamities of the war; and whilst
many of our citizens lost by Banks and Savings
this Company has steadily continued tos
REDEEM IT'S CERTIFICATES,
and faithfully meet all its obligations entered into
previous to the war and since, and to make good
the DEPOSITS for the benefit of WIDOWS, ORPHANS,
and OTHERS, entrusted to it by the Courts of this
and adjacent counties. -
Owing to the increased VALUE and VOLUME OF
the assets of the Company, the guarantee fund
was abolished December 1st, 1870, and the whole
business OF the Company is now based on Cash
assets
EXCEEDING $4,000
For POLICIES, apply to
SHEFFEY s. BUMGARDNER,
fsb 9-tf Staunton, Va.
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1871-02-23

NO EXPERIMENT! AN ESTABLISHED FACT!
The st. Louis Mutual Life
Insurance Company,
ST. LOUIS MISSOURI.
Assets over $5,O0o,O0O,O0.
Present annual income So, OOO, 10000.
Examine our Plans and Rates before Insuring
elsewhere.
THE SOUTHERN MUTUAL FIRE IN.
SURANCE COMPANY,
RICHMOND, VA.
Authorized Capital $3.50, 10000.
Accommodations over $175,OOO,.
This Company issues Participating Polici IS
Town and City property, by which the I'M Il Cd
becomes member of the Company, shar1p IN
its profits. A simi-annual dividend of 3 per
cent. payable to the Mutual Policy -holde OF
this Company, declared July 1st, 1869, also per
cent. January 1st, 1870. Insure in this South
ern Company. its investments are made for the
benefit Of Southern advancements. 1t brings
people Then Why SHOULD they confinls 9Th d III
poverish themselves by sending money of, which
can as easily-as safely-as probably be kept at
home. All who wish Life or insurance will
find it to their interest to call on me-
H. H. PECK, Agent.
OFFICE; with Drs Hanger & Lultz, doors
North of Spectator Office, Staunton, Va.
may 12-tf
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1871-02-23

MEXICAN HOTEL,
IN IMMEDIATELY AT THE c. OHIO RAILROAD
sTAUNTON, VIRGINIA.
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1871-02-23
M BALTIMORE, MD.
LOCKE & LUPTON, PRopn1EroRs.

HARRISONBURG, V.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19
Waste Paper for Household Uses.

Few housekeepcrs have time to black
en- their stoves every day, or even every
week. Many wash them in either clean
water or dish water. This keeps them
clean, but they look very brown. After
stove has been blackened, it can be kept
looking very we'll for long time by rub,
bing it with paper every morning. IF l
occasionally find drop of gravy or fruit
juice that the paper will will not take
off, rub it with wet cloth, but do not
put on water enough to take off he black
ing l find that rubbing with paper is
much nicer way of keeping the outside
of my teakettle, colf-pot, and tea pot
bright and clean, than the old way of
washing them in suds. The inside of cof
fee pots and tea pots should be rinsed in
clear water, and never in the dish water.
Rubbing with dry paper is also the
best way of polishing knives and tin,ware
after securing. This saves wetting the
knife handles. If little -four be held
on the paper in rubbing tinware and
spoons, they shine like new silver. For
polishing windows, mirrors, lamp chin
neys, etc, | always use paper in prefer
cnce to any dry cloth. Preserves and
pickles keep much better if brown paper,
instead of cloth, is tied over the jar
Canned fruit is not so apt to mould if a
piece of writing paper, cut to hit the can,
is laid directly on the top OF the fruit
Paper is much better to put under car
net than straw. 1t is warmer, thinner,
and makes less noise when one walks
over it. n fair carpet can be make for a
room not constant use, by pasting several
thicknesses of newspaper on the floor,
over them coat Of wallpaper, and Civ
ing it coat of varnish In could wealth
er have often placed paper between my
bed quilts, knowing that two thickncsses
of paper are as warm as a quilt, If it is
necessary to step on chair, always lay a
paper on it; this saves rubbing the warn
ish. Children easily learn the habit of
doing so,-TechnotgiSt
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19

An Odd Russian Iance.

They have a singular kind of dance on
the greens of country villages in Russia.
The dancers stand apart-a knot Of young
men here, knot of maidens there-each
sex by itself, and silent as crowd of
mutes. When the piper breaks into a
tune youth pulls off his cap, and chal-
lenges a girl with wave and bow. If
the girl is willing, she waves her hand
kerchief in token of assent the youth
advances, takes corner of the 'kerchief
in his hand, and leads his lassie round
and round. No word is spoken, and no
laugh is heard. Stiff with cords and
rich with braids, the girl moves heavily
by herself going round and round, and
never allowing her partner to touch her
hand. The pipe goes droning on for
hours in the same sad key aud measure
and the prize of merit in this "circling,'
as the dance is called, is given by the
spectators to the lassie who, in all that
summer revelry, has never spoken and
and never smiled.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19
The Old Maids Thermometer.

| hGE.
10. Anxious for coming out, and the at
tentions of the other sex.
l6. Begins to have some idea of the ten
der passion.
II. Talks of love in a cottage, and disin-
terested affection. E
Is. Fancies herself in love with some
handsome man who has fattered her.
l9. Is a little more diffident on account
of being noticed.
20 Commences being fashionable.
81. Still more confident in her own at
fractions, and expects brilliant es
tablishment.
%. Refuses good offer, because he is
not a man of fashion.
23 Flirts with every young man she
| meets.
24. Wonders she is not married.
25. Rather more circumspect in her con-
duct.
26. Begins to think large fortune not
quite so Indispensable.
u. Prefers the company of rational men
to flirting.
%. Wishes to be married in a quiet way,
with comfortable income.
20. Almost despairs of entering the mar
ried state
80. Rather fearful of being called an
"Old Maid p'
81. An additional love of dress.
50. Processes to dislike balls, finds it
difficult to get good partners.
SO. Wonders how men can leave the so.
ciety of sensible women-to firt with
chits.
81. Affects good humor in her conversa
tion with men.
35. Jealous Of the praises Of women.
36. Quarrels with her friend who is lately
married.
81. Thinks herself sighted in society.
3S. Likes to talk of her acquaintance
who are married unfortunately.
80. III nature increases
10. Very meddling and oficious.
Al. IF rich, as dernier resort, makes
love to a young man without fortune
AZ. Not succeeding, rails against man
kind.
43. Partially for cards aud scandal com
mences.
A. Severe against the manners of tht
age.
i5. Strong prediction for a clergyman
46. Enraged at his desertion.
AZ. Becomes desponding and takes to tea
As. Turns all scnsibility to cats and dogs
40. Adopts dependent relation to attend
upon her feline and canine nursery
So Becomes disgustcd with the world
and vents all her i'll humor on he
unfortunate relation.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19
The VagabODd Sage.

An old man of very active physiognomy,
answering to the name of Jacob Wilmont,
was brought to the police court His
clothes looked as though they might have
been bought second hand in his youthful
prime for they had suffered more from the
rubs of the world than the proprietor
himself
"What business 2"
"None I'm traveller"
ga vagabond, perhaps %
"You are not far wrong. Travellers and
vagabonds are about the same thing. The
difference is that the latter travel without
money, and the former without brains"
"Where have you travelled 7"
Gall over the continent"
"For what purpose 2"
"Observa:ion."
"What havo you observed %
ga little to commend, much to ccnsure,
and great deal to laugh at"
"Humph what do you commend 2"
ga handsome woman who will stay at
home an eloquent preacher that will
preach short sermons good writer that
will not write too much aud fool that
has sense enough to hold his tongue"
"What do you censure 2"
"a man that marres girl for her fine
clothing youth who studies medicine
while he has the use of his hands and
people who will elect drunkard to
Office"
"What do you laugh at 7"
al laugh at man who expects his posi-
tion to command that respect which his
personal qualities do not merit"
He was dismissed.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19
NO. 26.
Secret Service.
"OFFIs's OF JOSH Billings FARMER,
ALMANAX FOR 1872"

ALMANAX FOR 1917.
MI DEAR Mr.. EDITOR Sum men
are born CRATE, sum men git CRATE after
they are born, and sum men have CRATE
ness hove upon them.
1t seems tew me that am all 8 of these
men hove into one.
At mass meeting lately held in Por-
dunk county (my natiff village) the in
habitants past the following preamble and
resolutes
Whereas, it is hilly good that Far
mer's Almanax should be born for the
year 1872.
Resulted, that Josh Billings should be
sot apart, (and hereby is expressly sos
apart) tew beget the job.
Resulted, That this Alminax shall be
begotted on the fust day ov mex October,
wet or dry.
Resulted, That this Alminax shall kon-
tain milk for babes, meat for elders, and
crumbs for all.
! Resulted, That Knower bilt the ark,
and joiner waz the fust man who wens s
whalcing, but Josh Billings, has the right
/ ingredients for a Farmers Allmanax
Resoulted, That Faith wins the battles
of life, Hope beautifys them, and Charity
makes them immortal.
Resoluted, That more dogs than a man
wants are nuisance, and less than he
haz got, IL positively no loss.
Rcsoluted, That we fully believe that
man cum from the monkey, but WHARF
the monkey cum from, we don't seem to
kno.
Resoluted, That the thanks ov this
meeting. be sent to Darwin (cr few mon
key) we don't kare which.
Resoluted, That all the nuzepapers in
our beloved land (without distinction ov
color) be allowed to print these Resolutes.
Resouted, That this meeting now
unanimusly bursts quietly, sinun dh
JOSH BILLINGS, Secretary.
Ditto, Almanacker.
p. S. The meeting did bust quiet.-J.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19
Imported Foreign Groceries.

Probably very few people know what
large quantity of fancy foreign groceries,
including pickles, sauces, and condiments,
are brought to this country annually, A
Boston paper says that there are received
in that city from England alone at least
10000 barrels (the pickles, sauces, jel-
lies, olives, etc, being put up in bottles
and then packed in barrels for shipment),
to say nothing of French fruits, preserves,
wines, etc. Large quantities of ale and
porter are also shipped to that city an
nually, amounting to some four or five
thousand casks of bottles London crack
ers are also beginning to be exported in
large quantities. During the past year
more than three hundred tons of these
fancy crackers, made up in all shapes,
sizes, and designs, have reached Boston
by steamer from London, and, strange as
it may appear, considerable American
-four is consumed in their manufacture
One firm in Boston have also imported
during the past year, near y thousand
casks of Day & Martins backing. OF
course much larger amount comes t.
New York, but we have not the fgure
to show the extent of that trade.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19
Stick to the Fence.

For fifteen years daily at Stamford,
Conn, man has sat on fence and
watched every railroad train as it passed.
I-Erchange,
He is probably trying to make up his
mind if it would be safe to ride in the
cars. Old fellow, you stick to that fence
If the top rail is sharp turn it over or put
cushion on it. Fit up smoking apart
ment on the next panel if you like, and
rig a luxurious couch on the next one to
that. Bring out your baggage, take
check for it, and hang it on a post. Buy
a ticket and punch it yourself. Ask your
self the distance to the next station and
get insulted. Secure, as your means will
permit, all the luxres of railroad travel,
but don't get off that fence to enjoy them.
So you shall die a natural death, and the
good wife shall not expend farm in
fighting the insurance companies over
your cold corpse. You're in the right of
this thing, old fellow.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19
VOL. 20.
JOE PRINTING,
DR.. j. L A N 7 z,
Snrceon and Mechanical Dentist

s,;II has his Office on Main Street, in the second
.,r,. NJ Dr : WaHoRS brick building, nearly oppo-
ire the Stroudsburg House, and be hatters himself
|bs, nv eighteen constant pracre and the most
nst and careful attention to all matters pertaining
"a his nroiession that he is fully able to perform all
ons in the dental liae in the most careful, taste
ri and skillfal manuer. ,
xa.ct, attention given To saving the Natural Teeth !;
80 ~ the insertioa OF Artificial Teeth on Rubber,
Lid silver or Continuous Gums, and perfect Ats In
All ca seS insured.
Most persons know the great folly and danger OF en-
trusting their work to the inexperienced or to those
living Al a distance. April I3, ls7I.-1y
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19

A little boy having broken his rocking
horse the day it was bought, his mother
began to rebuke him, and to threaten to
box his ears. He silenced her by inquir-
ing, "What is the use of a hoss till it's
broke ?''
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19
DR.. N. L. PECK,
Surgeon Dentist,

Announces that having just returned from
Dental Colegs, he is fully prepared to make
artificial teeth in the most beautiful and liie-
like manner, and TO ill decayed teeth ac-
cordng to the most improved method.
Teeth extracted without pain, when de-
aired bv the use of Nitrous Oxide Gas,
which is entirely harmless. Repairing of
all kinds neatly done. All work warranted.
Charges reasonable.
Office in J. G.. Keller's new Brick build
ing, Main Street, Stroudsburg, Pa.
aug 3l-tf
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19

Josh Billings has issued a supplement-
to his famous essay on the mule. Here
it is in full: /: "The mewl is larger burd
than the guse turkey; it has tu legs to
walk with and tu more to kick with, and
wares its wings on the side of its head"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19

A bereaved Western widow addressed
the pall-bearers at the funeral with
"Y on pail bearers just go into the buttery
and get some rum, and we'll start this
man right along"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19

Somewhere in the West, sable knight
of the lather and brush was performing
the operation of shaving a lloosier with a
very dull razor.
Stop! said Iloosier; "that won't
do"
whats de matter, boss 2"
THAT razor pulls"
"Well, no matter for dat, sab. If de
handle oh de razor dou't break, de beard S
bound to come of"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19

A German game of base ball broke up
in the eighth inning with one arm brok-
en-, one eye put out, one jaw dislocated,
aud eighteen fingers "shifted."
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19

The female barber out West has retired
from business on account ot the arrival
of little shaver.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19

The Territory OF Utah is not burdened
with dollar of either Territorial, muni-
cipal, or county debt
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19

The drouth now prevailing in Illinois
has not been equaled within the past
twenty FIVE years.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19

Asassiz tells about a sort of fish in
Brazil which can climb trees. They are
probably peculiar to the tropical climb.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19

The "Little Brown jug" is one of
Nilssof's Weaknesses. We mean the song
Of that name.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19

The Yankee who was lying at the
point of death, whitfield it off with his
jack knife and, is now recovering
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19

A Medical school is now discussing the
question whether black man can have a
"white swelling"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19

Isn't it funny to see lady with both
hands in soft dough and mosquito on
the end of her nose?
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19
The following epitaph is by Moore, on

a attorney Named SHAW:
"Here lies John Shaw,
Attorney at law;
And when he died
The devil cried,
Give US your paw,
John Shaw,
Attorney at law ="
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1871-10-19

How to swallow door. Bolt it.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1871-01-30
THE INCOME TAX.

The House Of Representatives long since de-
cided that the tax on certain Incomes should
be abolished but the Senate would not then
concur. At length, the Senate votes for repeal;
when 10! the House kicks the bill under its
table on a red-tape assumption that the Senate
has no right TO originate a bill affecting the
Revenue This is SO absurd that forty pre-
cedents would not suffice to render it plausi-
bic. The Federal Constitution says:
ARrI &. "A bills FOR raising rercHGc slal! originate
in the House Of Representatives."
but this is not bill "f0r raising revenue :"
and there is no other clause whera0n the as
sumption of the House can be based. The
pretense il as unreasonable as its consequence
is GeplOrable.
Secretary Boutwell, is reported Gs having
said that the Income Tax can be collected for
Half Million Dollars. We trust that he has
said nothing of the sort for such an estimate
must contemplate n most imperfect perform
ance of the official duties expressly required by
this act. There are not less than Ten Mil
lions of men and single women living in the
United States. How are the Assessors to
kpo,C that any of these have not an income of
S20OO7 Crippled, squalid beggars have at
length been discovered to have been capitalists;
misers shiver in rags and famish on crusts when
they actually roll inswealth. TO execute this
law thoroughly, every man ard single woman
in the country should be served with an In
come blank, compelled to Gil it up, be Qucs-
toned concerning their means, and obliged to
swear to their return, with a caution that
they would be fined and prosecuted for perjury
if they paltercd with their cOnsciences. Were
this done once, the tax would not survive the
odium thus excited. IL stands now, simply
because not half, even, of the Million who
ought to pay. are ever asked to DO so. They
chuclle at the thought that others are made
to pay while they are exempted; and this IL
all the basis there is for prOnOuncing the In
come Tax popular. ii is taxation by guess and
taxation on honesty; hence those who are not
guessed worth $4,000 per annum and those
whom tax Of $4,000 per ounce on honesty
would not require to pay more than sixpcnco
unite in shouting keep on the Income Tax =
We trust it viii yet be abolished at this SEES
sion. 1t is inquisitoral unequal oppres-
sive. If it were faithfully enforced, it would
cost III blanks and their service large portion
of its proceeds. 1t is a encouragement to
thrift. 1t tempts to cOncealment and evasion.
1t enables A. to poke his nose fundamentally
into BIS private affairs. II was revived last
year in defiance of distinct pledge that there
should be no more of it. But, whether the
movement for repeal succeeds or fails, we are
thankful to Commissioner PeasOntOn for his
manly, earnest, effective advocacy of the right.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1871-01-30
E.fLEFTT BLESSINGS.

b.
There il 40 superstition which has survived
so long and with such general acceptatiOn as
the Italian belief in the Evil Eye. The deal
ers in coral know what quantities of amrlets
are made to guard against 1T, and you cannot
be long in the company of any Italians, OF
whatever class without noticing the muttered
PRAYER and the hurried sign Of the cross when
some one passes who is supposed to possess the
malign power of banning by n look. But the per-
son who is most generally supposed to be gifted
with this sinister faculty is precisely the most
august of prclaics and most amiable OF old
gentlemen. All travellers who have talked
much with intelligent Italians have heard the
cautious and mysterious whisper, Mastai Fer
"rett has the Evil Eye" 1t is impossible to
say where this absurd fantasy originated. Bat
the popular credence i'll it is now almost uni
yersal and some of the most import
ant events of the Pontifl-s life have
given an accidental but strangely significant
confirmation of the fable.
1t has really appeared for many years as if
the blessing of the Pope brought ruin upon any
cause on which it was bestowed. He solcmny
blessed the arms of Charles Albert OF Sardinia
and the rout and disaster Of NOvara came inn
mcdiately after. He blessed the House of Ma
ples with great pOmp and ceremony inst before
Caribaldi overran the Sicilies and cleansed
them of the Bourbons. He blessed the Queen
of Spain with ailectiOnate eilusiOn, and gave
her the Golden Rose of virtue and piety, and
while its petals preserved their newest gloss
Topcte with his fleet opened Spain to the
Revolution, and Prim and SeIranO entered in
and possessed the land. Every one remem-
beers how recently his paternal benediction
WAS given under circumstances of special
solempity, to the Child of France and his
beautiful and devoted mother. The result is
ia be seen at Chselhurst. When Isabel of
Bourbon abdicated crown she no longer
possessed, in favor of her son, the fatal
blessing of Masta Ferretti was asked
for and most heartily given-and from that
instant the Alfonsista movement, which had
formerly had some promise in Spain, declined
in energy and influence. Macmillan of Aus
tria went TO Mexico freighted with the same
disastrous benediction-which chung to him up
to Queretaro. His young wife came to Europe
to restore the falling fortunes of her cons0rt.
She made a plucky fight in Paris, bearing
without flinching the cOwardly shnliiing of
the Emperor, and the chilly pollteness OF
Drouyn de Lhuys. But when the benign and
fathcrly face of His Holiness beamed upon
her, a mortal GOODNESS pierced her heart; her
brain went wild, and the resOute and naughty
princess left the Vatican a raying maniac.
There are many Italian circles where you
would be looked upon as n simpleton if You
doubted that the balcful eye Of Pho Mono
blighted with a glance the young life oil
CarlOta Of Belgium. 1t is probable that tho
King Of Italy fearo tho eye of his Spiritual