The morning star and Catholic messenger., 1871-06-25
Nerning Star and Catholic Messenger
sgw ORLEANS, SUNDAY. JUNE 25. 1871.
WIT AND WISDOM.

A moose -paper-A marriage certificate.
Light employment-Buildin castles in
the air.
What game should ladies refuse to play
Old maid.
How to raise beets-Take hold of the
tops and pull.
When is card player like lawyer
When he tollo,cs suit.
If twice eleven are twenty two, how can
twice ten be twenty, tool
When does a man impose upon hlmsett
When he taxes his memory.
Wanted to know, how many square rods
are contained in wiseacre1
Saluting the fag-The penalty OF tread
ing on orange peel on the pavement.
You cannotc atch fish with o clario-net,
nor get any marrow from trombone.
A woman who maketh o good pudding in
silence is better than one that maketh a
tart reply.
The reason why upper housemaids ought
to get married in no time is because they
are Ligh naenial bodies.
The difference between a fisherman and
lazy schoolboy is, one bats his hook and
the other hates his book.
You say: ST will forgive, but cannot
forget" Let the forgiveness be sincere and
the forgetfulness will be certain.
A ridiculous story is going the rounds of
the country that Mr.. Bergh had young
woman arrested for beating an egg.
At printers festival the following senti
to the press in the dissemination of news"
What is that which heswho has it not,
does not wish for, but he who has it, would
not part with for any money! A bald
head.
An ingenious biped has invented a ma
chine to make a man rise early In the
morning. A six months old baby can beat
it to death.
"How do you define 'black as your hat ="
said schoolmaster to one of his pupils.
"Darknpss that may be felt" replied the
youthful wit
A poet says. "Oh, she was fair, but sor-
row came and left it's traces there" What
became of the remainder of the harness he
does not state.
"I am astonished, my dear young lady,
at your sentiments; you make me start"
"Well, sir, have been waiting for you to
start for the last hour"
countryman in short discourse on
love, says, =" 1t does pear like the girls go
half way, but it pears like Il team of oxen
couldn't draw 'em t'other half"
There is n bashful bachelor who dares
not meet ladies in the streets! He says
they wear so many bugles on their dresses
he fears "evertules" from them.
A wag, on seeing an old gobbler trying
to swallow a cotton string, facetIOusly re-
marked that it was s'a desperate attempt
tQntr oduce cotton into Turkey"
nDo you like novels 2" asked Miss Fitz-
gerald of her backwoods lover IS / can't
say" he repliod l never ate any but L
tell you I'm death on 'possum."
A Mississippi thief the other day stole
tha hen lost rnet hap he Id find in the
depot, and after carrying it five miles,
opened it, and found the contents to be
half hundred Bibles.
"Come here, Felix, you said the letter E
was a glutton. How do you prove it9"
"Because he changes fasts into feasts, is
invariably the first to commence eating,
and is always last at the table,"
The story of a lazy schoelboy, who spelled
Andrew jackson "&ru Jaxn," has been
equalled by Yale student, who wished to
mark half dozen shirts. He marked the
first "John JONES'" and the rest ''do."
"Ny dear,n said a husband to his wife,
"I'n going to start a coffee plantation"
"How'll you get the land7 z" "Oh, there's
no trouble about that; l always have
plenty of coffee-grounds in my cup"
AnIndian chief, in telegraph Office in
Mohhna, being told that the operator was
"talting with a white brother 1000 miles
distant. gave it as his opinion that it was
the Sngest talk he had ever witnessed.
A 1an, praising porter, said it was SO
excele INT beverage that it always made
him fit. tI have seen the time" said an
other, "when it made you lean" "When,
sho,id like to know7' said the eulogist
"Wh!, no longer ago than last night,
asainF the wall"
"C4 induce you to invest in a lock ?"
smilirsly inquired travelling agent for an
improed door fastening, of IL plain looking |
old mid, whom he encountered sweeping |
the der steps. Z" You might, SIR she re- |
Piled, with Il CHASTITY smile, eyeing him
careful y for Il moment from head to foot, |
i" in wHlock -
An dist, showing his picture to Gus
toner, ,eceived the following short retort {:
"WellE don't think much of this" hold
ing upthe picture before him. Don't |
think Iuch of it! Why, that's a rare
print, very rare print indeed, sir!"
Rare I've 40 doubt it is rare, for it |
certain is not well done.