Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-03-03
HIninOr.

Academy of design young ladys
boarding school
A bug that fourishes all she year round
-humbug.
Many men are worth nothing and some
are worthless.
Pitch darkness has been SO improved as
to read 'bituminous obscurity.'
Why is woodchnck like sausage? Be.
cause its ground hog.
The great American bird-the bird in the
hand
Men are like potatoes they do not know
how soon they may be in hot water.
Why is young lawyer like a national
currency? Because he is legal tender, and
somewhat green
1t is better to be laughed at for not being
married, than to be unable to laugh because
you are
Great Waterfall discovered, as the lad
said, who found a chignon hung to a lamp
post.
Have not right to be saucy, if I
pleaseF asked young lady Of an old bach
elor. yes, if you please, but not if you
displease.'
An Eastern lyceum is tryins its teeth on
the problem: Which is the Oldest battle
cry, Erin 50 Bragh, or Indi go Blue?
In describing new organ, rural editor
says: The swell died away in delicious suf-
location. like one singing new song under
the bedclothes
lnfantile conversation; Johnny-"Now
I'll be papa, going to fix the furnace!" Sallie
-"Oh, yes! and I'll be the nurse, and YOU
must kiss me behind the cellar door!''
A Western editor remarks that the Their
mometcr stolen from his Office will be Of no
use where the thief is going, as it doesn't
mark higher than 312 degrees
A Galesburg farmer, whose pew rent was
raised to $25, exclaimed: Great Caesar,
here's nice state of affairs-the gospel go,
ing up and pork going down. What's to
become of us?'
A prudent man advised his drunken SER
want to put by his money for rainy day.
In few weeks his master asked him how
much he had saved. "Faith, none at ALL"
aid he; sit rained yesterday, and it all
went"
One of our young aquaintances, net long
since, was endeavoring to enjoy an evening
in the company of 20 ing lady, fair and
entertaining, upon whom he call,d, but
found a serious obstacle in the person Of
her stern and not very cordial father, who
at length ventured to very plainly intimate
that the hour for retiring had arrived. I
think you are correct, my dear SIR re-
turned the bashful young man. 'Wo have
been waiting to have you go to bed for over
an hour
A lighthouse-keeper, recently appointed
IN the New jersey coast, made ridiculous
blunder. Immediately after he had taken
possession, complaints ware made that the
lights went out by twelve O'clock, The
proper officer was at once sent to look
into the matter, and he was told that COM
plants were made against him. For whatY
was the inquiry. why replied the officer,
'they say that our lights do not burn after
twelve o'clock at night WELL" was the
reply, II know the. don't, for I put 'em
out myself then. for I thought all the YES.
sells had got in by that time, and wanted
e save the ile.'
The following will be appreciated by our
student readers:
Doctor F. was the President of
Southern College, who protested to be very
grammatical in the use of his language, and
therefore, expected his pupils to be likewise.
Playing cards was atric ly forbidden on the
school premises; but, as is always the case,
this law is often violated by the students,
without being detected. A number of
Freshmen collected together in one of the
numbers room, and were enjoying a good
game of euchre, when knock was heard at
the door
Who's there? one exclaimed.
'Mep was the laconic reply.
Who's mel?
Professor F.
You lie! Ha. ha, Professor r.
wouldn't say me, he'd say 1t is I, sirn
The old Professor turned his back and
went off, knowing they lad him there.
Paris DEITY. Pat was but an idle boy
one day he was suddenly called up and the
question propoundel by the pedagogue:
Patrick, how many Gods are there?
Pat was not distinguished theologian,
but he promptly answered, Three, sir
Take your seat : Numbered the master,
and if you don't answer is five minutes, I
will welt you.
The probationary period passed and Pat
taking the floor Aes'tatingly stated the num-
Der of Gods to be five. sir He received
the promised 'weting' and returned to his
seat ten minutes, for consideration
Ten minutes up, PA was up too. and |
satisfied that he hadn't fixed The number
sufficiently high before, shouted out
There's ten, SIR
He saw the ferulc was descending, and
broke out of the door, clearing a five rail
fence, he run like quarter horse across the
meadow. Painting with the exertion, he
met lad with a book in his hand. who he
asked where he was going?
TO school yonder,' was the reply.
How many Gods are there?
'One,' answered the boy.
We'll, you'd better not 60 down there
You will have good time with your one
God. 1 just left there with ten. and that
wasn't enough 70 save me from the darndest
Kicking Vol ever heard Of