Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1871-08-03
THE JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS.
"what Kno About Pharmin.' -
From the New York Weekly.l

Dully.
Pharmin (now daze) is pretty much
all theory, and therefore its astonishing
that man kan live in New York and
be a good chancery lawyer, and also kno
all about pharmin.
A pharm (now daze) of one hundred
akers will produce more buckwheat and
pumkins, run on theory, than it would
sixty years ago, run on manure and hard
knoks.
There is nothing like book larning,
and the time will eventually come when
"Josh Billings Farmers Allminax," to
run pharm, or kamp meeting with.
Even now it amt unkommon tew Sc
three or four hired men, on a pharm.
with three or four spans of oxen, all
standing still, while the boss goes into
the library, and reads himself for the
days plowing.
If | was running pharm (now daze)
! suppose would rather have 36 bushels
ov sum new breed ov potatoes razed on
theory, then tew hav 81 bushels got in
the mean, beknighted and underhand
way ov our late lamented grand parents.
Pharmin, after all, is good deal like
the tavern Dizziness emmy body thinks
! they kan keep hotel (now daze), and
emmy body thinks they kan pharn it (now
daze), and they kan, but this is the way
that poor hotels cum tew be so plenty,
and this is likewize what makes pharmin
such easy and profitable Dizziness.
Just take the theory out of pharmin,
and there amt nothin left but hard work
and all fred little krops. ~
| When | see so mutch pholks rushing
into theory pharmin, as there is (now
daze), and so menny ov them rushing
out agin, / think ov that remarkable
piece ov skriptur which remarks, "menny
are called, but few are chosen"
onst took a pharm on shares miself,
and run her on some theories, and the
thing figured up this way: dun all the
work, ph2rnished all the seed and ma
nure, had the ague monts out ov H.
for mi share oy the profits, and the other
phellow paid the taxes on the pharm for
his share.
By mutual konsent quit the pharm at
the end ov the year. o5As
What / know about pharmin amt
wuth Dragging about, and feel it my
duty to state, for the benefit ov mi kredi-
tors, that if they ever expekt me to pay
five cents on dollar, they mustn't start
me in the theoretical pharmin employ.
If man really is anxious tew make
mummy on a pharm, the less theory he
lays in the better, and he must do pretty
much all the work hisself, and support
himself on what he kant sell, and 60
ragged enuff all the time tew hunt bees.
| kno of menny farmers who are so
afflicted with superstition that they wont
plant single bean only in the last quar-
ter NV the moon, and | kno others so
pregnant with science that they wont set
gate post until they have had the
ground analized bi sum professor OF
anatomy tew see if the earth haz got the
right kind of ingredience for post holes.
This IL what | call running science
into the ground.
The fact ov it IL that theories Of all
kinds work we'll except in praktiss; they
are too often designed to do the work OF
praktiss.
They amt no theory in breaking a
mule only tew go at him with club in
your hand and sum blood in your eye,
and brake him, just as you would split
log
What know about pharmin ain wuth
much emmy how, butt undertook to
brake kicking heifer once.
read treatiss on the subjekt and
phollowed the direckshuns cluss, and !
got knokt endwaze in about minits |
then set down and thought the thing
over,
made up my mind that the phellow
who wrote the treatiss was more IN the
treatiss Dizziness than he wasin the kick
ing heifer trade.
com TO the konklushun that what he
knu about milking kicking heifers he had
learnt by leaning over barnyard fence,
and writing the thing up.
/ got up from my rehekshuns strength
ened, and went for that heifer.
| will draw vail over the language |
used, and the things / did, but / went in
to win, and won
That heifer never bekum kow.
This is one way to brake a kickin
heifer, after man has studyed all the
books in kreashun on the subject, and
tried them on, he will fall back onto mi
plan, and make up his mind, as ! did,
that kicking heifer is wurth more for
beef than she is for theeretic milk.
| nave worked on a pharm just long
enuff tn kno that there is no prayers so !
good for poor land as manure. and no
theory kan beat IL hours each da (sun-
daze excepted, of honest labur applied |
to the sile.
| am an old-phashioned phellow, and |
hartily hate new things, bekause hav
been beat by them so often.
never knu a pharm that was worked
pretty mutch bi theory, but what was
for sail or tew let in few years, and'l |
never knu a pharm that was wurked bl
manure and muskle, on the good old ig-
norant way Nv our ancestors, but what
was handed down from father to son,
and alwas waz noted for raising brawny
armed boys and buxom lasses, and fust
rate potatoes.
What l kno about pharmin, is nothing
but experience, and experience now daze
amt wuth kuss.
/ had rather hav good lookiR theory
tew ketch fats with than the experience
even Of Methusler.
Experience is a good thing to lay down
and die with, but you kant do no bizzi-
ness with it (now daze); it amt hot
enuf.
Give me red hot humbug, and kan
make most oY the experience in this
world ashamed ov itself
what the French Did for Mexico.
A eorrespondenl Of The Louisyille