The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1871-09-23
Equal to nInrlx Twain,

Equal to Mark Twsin. Y!
Newspaper writer's will thoroughly ap-
preciate the following o'er.tf1e tale
which we take from the Philadelphia
D,spdtch: .f, f,e ~ !3F ~. SN "a
"A week or two ago, one OF our re-
porters had occasion to refer, to certain
woman, whom we will call Hannah
Smith, as denizen Of the Eleventh
Ward;.UA day or two afterward, o huge
man entered the office, with his brow
clothed with thunder. In his hand he
carried fearful club, and at his side
trotted bulldog whom hunger had evil
IDENTIFY made desperate. With that quick
appreciation OF the situation which is
creditable to the superior intelligence of
educated men, the editor OF this paper
and the proprietors darted to the win
dow, climbed outside, slid down the
lightning-rod, ,And went across the street
to watch the bloody fray through q epv-
glass. With the fearlessness OF coneoions
Innocence we sat still, merely inserting
our legs In two sections of stove.pipe. to
guard against any misapprehension of
facts on the part Of the bulldog. The
man with the club approached.
ARE you the editor?" he asked, spit.
ting on his hand and grasping his club.
We told him that the editor was out
that he had gone to the North pole with
Captain Hall, and that he would not re-.
turn before 1876, in time for the centen-
NAL 6elebration. t5sENa5s l8 ;4,.
"Areyou the proprietor?" asked the
man.
We explained to him, that We were not:
that the prnprietors were also out: that
they had gone to South America for the
purpose Of investigating the curative
properties Of oundurango, and they ex-
peoted to remain there for several years.
well. whoever you are," exclaimed
the warrior, '.my name is Smith,"
We told him we were glad; because, if
there was one thing better than the DOS.
session OF the name of Smith, it was the
privilege Of knowing man by that
name. "But, Smith, = we said, "why
this battle array? It is absurd for man
to put on the panoply of war and friak
INTO editors sanctums, fumbling O club
and accompanied by disheartening
bulldog, simply because his name hap
pens to be Smith," ",stl 81
He said he called in to burst the head
OF the man who had insulted his sister.
''It is impossible, Smith. that such n
thing could have been done by any one
in this olfice.''
'.Is. but it was. though; and her name
was published, tool Miss Smith-AIiss
Hammer Smith, !;
May we be permitted to inquire. Mr..
Smith, what was the precise character OF
the affront offered to Hannah?"
"Wen. yon aee," said Smith, "the
blackguard said she was denizen; and
1 want you to understand" exclaimed
Smith, becoming excited, and brandish-
ing hia club in wild manner over our
head, While the bulldog advanced and
commenced to snuff up and down our
stove.pIpe-"I want you to understand
that she is q decent young woman, with
good character, and none of your de-
nlzenB aud such truck. The man who
says she is denizen is o blackguard and
thief, and I'll smash him over the nose
If get chance. They may say what
they please about me, but the man who
abuses my sister has got to suffer-"
And Smith struck the table in violent
manner with his club, while the bulldog
put his fore-legs upon the bnck of our
chair.
awe paciAed Smith with dictionary.
We pointed out to that raging warrior
that the Websterian definition of the
word "denizen" gives such person an
unofending character and deprives the
term Of everything like reproaoh. Smith
said he was Satisfied, and he shook hands
and kicked the bulldog down stairs.
The editor and proprietor. seeing that
all was safe, Immediately climbed the
llghtning-rod and soon appeared at the
window, where they were introduced to
Smith. with the remark that they had
returned from the North pole and the
CLINE of the cundurango somewhat nm
expeosedly, in order to surprise their re-
lations.
And now.we suppose Smith will be
mad because We have told this story
about him, and he will be coming down
to interview us again, in wars magnifi-
cent stern "rray, with fresh bulldog.
But it will sin vain. We have rented
an officefi' the top of the shot-tower,
and have planted torpedoes and spring
guns all the way up tho stairs. we
warn this incendiary Smith to beware.
BADEN BADEN DOOMED. The decision
OF the Reiohsrath has been pronounced.
and all the gaming tables of Germany
must positively be closed on the last day
OF December, 1872. Weisbaden, Ems.
Hnrnh,pry on1 Polo- 5000 CT