Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1871-12-30
The Humorist's Column.

What game is most suitable for sol
diers ?-Piquet.
What is the grandest verse in ex.
istence f-The uni-UerSe.
When is a card-player o shabay
individual f-When he shuff1es.
What kind of rice is easily cultivated
in any country ON earth f-Ayarice.
Why is the road Of transgressors
/ so hard s-Because it is so much
travelled.
A bankrupt merchant says that
his business has been 80 bad that he
could not pay his debts, even if he had
the money.
A manufacturer Of parasols says,
that the height of impudence is taking
shelter in an umbrella store during q
thunderstorm.
An experienced boy says he regards
hunger and the Christening rod as
about the same thing. They both
make him holler. ss.
"Well, Robert; how much did your
pig weightr TT didn't weigh SO
much as I expected and l always
| thought it wouldn't ).
To converse with the spirits.-Lay
sixpence dri the table at grog shop,
and they'll show themselves quicker
than you can say beans.
i A sick man was told that his wife
would probably marry again. gall
right" said he, for there will be one
man Tn lament nv DEATH
| John asked Julia if she would have
him. "No.' said she, "I will not
have you; bnt before John could re-
cover from the shock, she archly put
in, "yOu may have me-"
"Jenny,n said a Scotch minister
STOPPING from his pulpit, have ye got
peen about YEP
Yes, minister"
"Then stick 1t into that sleeping
brute O a man O yours by your side"
The Points, sympathize sincerely
with your grief,r said French lady
to a recently widowed friend, " to lose
such q husband as yours.n-s All, yes,
he was very good and then, you see,
. such misfortune is always great, for
one knows what kind of a husband one
has lost, but cannot tell what kind of q
: man one will find to succeed him."
A green son of Hibernia, digging on
. the canal, espied a land tortoise. The
! sight being entirely new to him, he
q dropped his spade, scratched his head
and exclaimed;
"Run here, JENNY; what the devil
a can be the name of the wonderful creep.
!. ing thing, that swallows its head, and
carries its home on its back p
DWELL, Sambo, what's yer up I'd
= now-a-daysr
80, / is carp'ner and jiner:'
! {" He! guess yer is. What depart.
) ment do you perform p
a "What Department. Why 1 does
!. the circular work.
: "What's dat p
|. "Why, l turns de grindstonc.1
s "Gway."
J A negro passing along Gloucester
e street was ast0nished to hear q voice
e call out. "How dye do; Massa Mungo,
S how dye do, Snowfall fr-and on
s looking, observed it proceeded from q
It parrot, in splendid gilt cage.
"Ah massa, parr0t," said Blackbec
+ "yOu great man here you live in d
gold house how, but me know your
l. fadef very well he lib in dc bnsh."
= A witness in court, whe had beer
= = cautioned to give precise answer Il
:, !, every question, and not talk abUu'
: what he wight think the question
!; meant, was interrogated as follows
:, !, You drive wagon n ssNo sir, / d.
. not" "Why, sir, did you not tell m,
y learned friend so this moment 7" No
% sir, did not.7 snow, sir, put it Il
= you on your own oath: DO you driy'
- wagon p "No, sir.n What i
= y your occupation thenw 81 drive
= : horse.r
Of Mark Twain Trodhces one of tn
!" most striking cases q meanness o.
record. He says he knows of an incol
ne porated society which hired man I
p blast rock and he was punching pow
u der in it with crowbar, when q pr,
p mature explosion followed, sehdin
C. the man anu crowbar out of sigh
n Both came dewii all fight and the ma
% went to work promptly but thoue
bt he was gone only fifteen minutes, Il
ur company docked him for lost time
II A Yankee having told an Englis
nm man that he shot, on one particuli
al occasion, 999 snipe, his interlocut
asked him why he didn't make it ol
thousands at once. "No,n said b
mo- Is It's not likely Pm going to tell q
ns, for one snipe.n Wbcreup0n the En-
rn. lishman, determined not to be outdor
! q began to tell a story of q man havil
he swum from Liverpool to Boston. D
aft You see him yourself p asked the Va
in. kee, suddenly. "Why, yes, Of coul
ar. l did; l was coming across, and Q
To. vessels passed him mile out OF b
80 ton Harbor." . Well, I'm glad ye n