The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1871-10-20
Humorous.

LETTER IL Is to be careful to live well
Than desiruus to live long.
WHY is Il husband like Mississippi
boat? Because he never knows when
he may get blowing up.
LEARNING Is wealth TO the poor, an
honor to the rich, an aid to the young,
and a support and comfort to the aged.
Tho present, The presen is all thou hast
For thy sure posse sslug;
Like the patriarch's angel, hold 1t fas.
Till IL gives IT. blessing.
EXALTED Imagination may work
miracles; but it is only when we i'm
molate self to principle that we are
truly virtu0us. De NdGI.
a WHITE boy asked young negro
what he had such short nose for? "P
speck so it won't poke itself into other
peoples business"
A CYNICAL lady, rather inclined to
| ilirt, says most men are like q cold
very easily caught, but very difficult to
get rid Of
IT is easy to talk of christian forbear-
ance among ncighbors, but to practice
| it ourselves proves US TO be christians
| indeed.
KEEP away from bad habits. No
person ever got stung by hornets who
kept away from where they were. 1t
ia iust On with haI hohits
YoUTuTUL minds, like the plant
wax, are susceptible of the most lasting
impressions and the good or evil bias
they then receive is seldom If ever
eradicatcd.
He that speaks, sows; he that hears,
reaps; hence We should be guarded as
to how we speak, as to what we hear.
:" lie that hath ears to hear, let him
hear;' but take heed how ye hear!
"REMEMBER who you are talking to,
sir" said an indignant parent to face.
tious sboy; :" am you father" Well,
who's TO blame for that" said the young
impertinence ; "tain't me-"
A CYNICAL man says the reason wo-
men are fond Of writing letters is that
they rejoice in the opportunity of say
ing all they wish without tho possibil-
ity Of an interruption.
THE last case of Incidence is that of Il
man named John Hole, who was so
lazy that, in writing his name, he sim
ply used the letter - :" and then punch
hole through the paper.
"HELIo, Mr. Engineman! can't you
stop your steamboat minute or two ?"
"Stop the boat! What for" "Wifc
wants TO look ut your bicr; she's afraid
of its bustin.'
WHERE do you hail from ?" quer-
led Yankee of a traveller. Where do
you rain from ?" was asked in reply.
Don't rain at ALL" said the astonished
Jonathan. "Neither do | hail, so
mind your own business"
THE Connecticut papers are telling of
Sunday school boy, who, being asked
who made the beautiful hills about
there, replied that he did not know, as
his parents only moved into town the
Friday before.
SINCE the wives of half dozen citi.
zens of Wyoming were locked up for
three nights with rs many strange men,
on rape case, it has been proposed to
amend the jury law so that none but
single women will be allowed to sit as
jurors.
THREE FOURrus of the difficulties
and miseries of men come from the
fact, that most want wealth without
earning ii, fame without deserving it,
popularity without temperance, respect
without virtue, and happiness without
holiness.
A TELEGRAPH operator, who recently |
sent message to family in the coun.
try, to meet an expected visitor at the
station with tho "horse," blunderingly |
substituted the word "hearse," and on
the arrival of the train the visitor found
that vehicle waiting to take him TO his
destination.
A VIRGINIA editor has como to the
conclusion that man might as well
undertake to hold himself at arms
length and then turn double somer.
sault over a meeting house steeple rs to
attempt TO publish a paper that will
suit everybody.
THE grand jury at Sonoma, California
recommend in a recent report that, "for
the safety and comfort CT bald headed
men, the loose plastering be removed
from the ceiling, or that the sheriff be
instructed to furnish parties having
business in the court with pillows or
suitable shields to cover their heads
with"
"IKEEP the best bread,n said a GER
tain baker to poor fellow who COM
planned OF the inferior quality of the
article he had purchased 81 don't
doubt il" replied the customer. "Then
why do you complain ?" asked the bak-
er. "Because would suggest that you
sell the best bread and keep the bad,'
Was the reply.
A LITTLE shaver was sitting near his
mother, who was picking ove- raisins
when she was called out of the room,
and as she left said, "Now, Sonny,
don't touch any of these raisins when l
am gone.' Presently mother returned
and inquired, "Well Charlie, did you
take my raisins?" mo, mamma"
"You know If you did God saw YOU"
"Yes know he did, hut he wont tell"
MEcIIA NIcs -Thnv nrn thn nnInnn |