Weekly Trinity journal., 1871-03-04
NUMBER 8.
FACT AND FANCY.

II woman were to change her sex, Of what
religion would she bel A he-then.
One house in New York is inhabited by l,2ls
persons-"a village under one roof"
Why is young lady forsaken by her lover
like deadly weapon2 Because she is cut
lass.
1t is believed that the principal preservatve
substance used in embalming Egyptian num-
mics was cabolic acid in crude state.
1t is exceedingly bad husbandry to harrow. up
the feelings of your wife, to rake up old quar-
rels, to hoe n grudge and to sow discord-
The BRENNAN (Texas) Banner says that DR..
Mary Walker presented quite q gentemanly"
appearance during her recent visit to that city.
"There, now," said little girl, while rum
maglng u drawer in n bureau, there, now,
grandpa has gone to Heaven without his specta-
ces."
At a recent railway festival the following
striking sentiment was given: Our mothers
the only faithful tenders who never misplace
switch"
The height of pugilstic sarcasm was lately
reached by Jem Mace, who, speaking of rival,
said, " What of him2 He couldn't lick post
age stamp"
An Iowa farmer, while drinking at brook,
was surprised by water-snake n foot long gid-
ing down his throat. A dose of Chicago whis-
ky killed the reptile.
Within period of three years, three men and
three horses have been killed on the same day of
the month, ut the same hour, and on the same
section of the Cleveland and Pttsburg railroad.
st Louis man has learned that it don't pay
to shoot II niger in the head. lIe tried it, when
J the ball was hattened out thinner than six
| pence, and the niggar came near butting hole
through the shootst
"Ah," said pous Sunday. school teacher,
"ah, Carolina Jones, what do you ,bink you
would have been without your good father and
motherF' I" suppose num-" said Caroline,
''I suppose, as should ha been an horphan."
AT Raleigh, North Carolina, some thieves bur-
glarzed grocery store, and coming back again,
found drunken policeman eating bread md ba-
con on the steps. They shamponed him with
molasses, and filed his pockets and boots with
soft soap.
youth Mt Terre Haute, Indiana, has retired
! from the show business. He attempted to i'm
itate sght-of hand performer, in passing
wire through his nose and out of his mouth but
only succeeded in arranging nice problem for
an Indiana surgeon.
"Jimmy, my boy, take these eggs to the store,
and II you can get quarter, bring them back
The boy went as directed, ind came back say
| ing: " Father, it takes me TO make trade
They all wanted TO pay forty cents, but screwed
| them down to twenty-five.
| Says n European journal "It Is common to
| speak Of those whom II lirt has Tilted as her vic
| uHlS. ms Is II grave error. Her real Vlctlm III
| the man whom she accepts This reminds US
ofa happy similie; " A coquette is rose from
whom every lover pucks leaf; the thorn re-
mains for her future husband"
The proprietor of hotel was bustling about,
the other morning at ten O'clock with twenty
things to do, when some one asked him why he
didn't call up his clerk. g. shant call him as
long as | can help it" he replied, for when he
is in bed know where he is, but after he is up
| | don't know where to find him"
! While passing house in Virginia, two drum
mers observed very peculiar chimney, unin-
ished, and il attracting their attention, they
asked n faxen haired urchin standing the
house If it " drawed well, whereupon the afore-
said urcbin replied: I" Yes IL draws the atten-
tion of all the d--n fools that pass this road
Don't burn the candle on both ends. If you
are an early riser, retire early but If you seek
your sheets late, don't get up with the sun.
You cant cheat nature-nor yourself Man.
| kind needs about so much rest, sleep and lazy
ness, and any attempt to lessen it is at the
pense of ultimate vitality aud surety of suf-
| fering.
One day while a "cerical gentleman" from
Down East was saying grace at the table of
gentleman In Fordham, Frank, the youngest of
the flock, aged three, did not like the notion of
remaining quiet 80 long a time, and finally be-
ing unable to wait any longer burst out "Wait
| till | dit drink of water, and then you can
pray all you want to-"
Michigan man, who some time since separa-
ted from his wife after several years of married
life, recently advertised under assumed name
for wife, and, as it happened, the woman an
swered the advertisement. Letters passed, and
finally they met, with mutual surprise. But all
ended happily, as they resolved Z forget the
past and try again, determined to happy to-
gether.
countryman, fresh from the cl' rings of the
far West, was one day visiting til owner of a
beautiful seat in Brooklyn, and walking with
him through n little grove, out of which all the
underbrush had been cleared, paths nicely cut
and grayeled, and the rocks covered with wood
bne, suddenly stopped, and, admiring the beau
ty of the scene, lifted up his hands and ex-
claimed, "This like this is nature-with her
hair combed."
schoomaster in Indiana, on going to his
scbool-house on recent morning. found him
self locked out by large number of his schol-
sfs SS' T:'s @ 1a %esaSsd END '' Of S
and choked the passage of snI from the Hue.
But they Immediately took away his artificial
ladder and left him sitting the comb of the
roof until his fingers and ears were completely
frozen, when hewas allowed to descend.
A story is going the rounds about young
girl in Chester, Vermont, dying from tight lac
ing. An editor commenting on the fact says:
@ These corsets should be done away with. If
the girls can't live without being squeezed, /
suppose men can be found who would sacrifice
themselves. AS old are we would rather
devote three hours daily without cent of pay,
as a brevet corset, than see these girls dying Off
in that manner. Office hours, almGt any time
Impertinent questions-To ask lawyer if he
ever told lie.
To ask doctor how many persons he has
killed.
To ask young lady whether she would like
beau.
To ask man to take something to drink.
To ask a merchant if he ever cheated Gus