The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-29
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Wyoming. Recently six married Ia
dies and as many gentlemen we're en-
panneled upon a murder case there,
and it became necessary to lock them
up all night. Three of the husbands
stormed and raved at the Judge and a
half dozen children made the court
ring with their cries. The uproar
continued until the jury was placed
under lock and key.
An "oracle" at New Orleans, dis.
coursing on the wonders Of the Missis-
sippi, mentioned the iron coffin Of De
Soto. containing the golden trumpet
given him by Queen Victoria. "What"
exclaimed one, mot Queen VictoriaP
Why she wasn't born then by two hum
dred years or more" 81 don't care If
she wasn't" was the bold reply, II
reckon she could leave it in her willw
A clergyman who was recently dis.
coursing upon the alarming increase of
intemperance astonished his audience
by exclaming, "a young man in my
neighborhood died very suddenly last
Sunday while | was preaching the Cos
pei in beastly state of intoxication."
Nj ral-clergymen should study gram
mar.
A rich man sent to call physician
for slight disorder. The physician
felt his pulse, and said. DO you eat
well?" EYES," said the patient. "Do
you sleep well?" 81 do" "Then,"
said the physician, II shall give you
something to take away all that" So
like them, except the candor.
An Albany damsel asked one Of
her fellow boarders, stylish dry
goods clerk, at the breakfast table,
"Why is your moustache like my
back hair ?" He blushingly gave it
up, when the answer caused him to
blush still more, Because its all down."
"Why, Uncle Johnny" said his
friend, "can you afford to eat shad at
twenty-five cents a pound?" "Mine
Got" said Uncle Johnny, triumph
antly, 81 can put him in mine ice
chest and keep him till he gets sheap.
err"
A gentleman travelling on steam
er, one day at dinner was making
away with large pudding close by,
when he was told by a servant that it
was dessert. at matters not to me-"
he said, 81 would eat it if it were o
wilderness"
Elmira rats are not gifted with q
sup, rior order of intelligence if re-
ports are true, They steal shoe pegs
and stow them away under the delu-
sion that thev are oats-a notable
example Ofmoral and mental darkness.
A fellow was told that three yards Of
cloth, being wet, would shrink quar-
ter of yard. "Well them" he inquir-
ed, "If you should wet quarter Of q
/ yard, would there be any leftH"
"Bill," said Bob, "why is that tree
called the weeping willowf" cause
one of the sneaking plaugey things
grew near the school house, and sup
allied the master with switches"
Some one, describing bad dinner
to which he had been invited, said
that the "meat was cold, the wine
was hot, and everything sour but tho
vinegar"
A Yankee being asked to describe
his wife, said: "Why, sir, she'd make
a regular fast, go-ahead steamer, my
wife would-she has such wonderful
talent for blowing up"
A Brooklyn mother advised her
daughter to oil her hair, and tainted
fiat away when that candid damsel re-
piled, "Oh, no, ma. 1t spoils the gen.
tlemen's vests"
81 wish you had been Eve" said an
urchin to stingy old aunt, proverbial
for her meanness. "Why so?" BE
cause you would have eaten all the ap-
pie instead of dividing it,"
A cynical Frenchman says there are
always two parties to love affair
the one who loves, and the one who
consents to be SO treated.
81 wonder what causes my eyes to be
so weak p said fop to a gentleman.
"They are in weak place" replied
the latter.
Why is the first chicken of brood
like the mainmast of vessel? Because
il is a little forward of the main hatch.
The man who sat down on an open
paper of carpet nails, said they remind
ed him of the income tax.
What an unlucky suitor did-He
wooed and she wouldn't. He eoOed
and she couldn't.
The woman that makes good pud-
ding in silence is better than one who
makes a tart reply.
Switzerland isanxious to know lifts
mountain passes offer sufficient security
for a trihing loan.
Why is your chambermai6 immor-
tai? She returns to dust every day
without dying.
What word may be pronounced
quicker by adding two more letters to
:.