The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-10-12
Josh Billing. on Oats.

while the days are passing d.
Josh Billings on Oats.
Oats are a singular grain-per-
baps I should say plural, because
thare IL more than one ov them.
Tha gro on the top ov a straw,
about tu foot hi, and the straw il
boiler.
This straw iz interesting for its
suckshun.
Short peces ov it, about 8 inches
or so :; dipt into the buzzum ov a
sherry oobbler, will suction up the
entire eobbler in 4 minits bi the
watch;
I never hev tride this, but kno
lots Ov young and reliable men wiso
stand around reddy 10 prove this, If
sum boldly will fetch on the cob
bier.
This suckshun iE sed to be a ded
shure thing.
Oats gro on the summit Nv sum
straw, and are sharp at both ends.
Tha reEemble shu pegs in looks
and bid, and it * said tina are often
mistaken for them by neer-sighled
HOSES and shumakers.
1 DON'T intend this remark as any
derogativeness to shumakers in the
lump, for hev often sed, in mi in
spired moments, if couldn't be
shumaker would like to be a good
lawyer.
Oats are a phunny grain. Eight
quarts ov them will make even q
stage boss lafP, and when the stage
hols laffs you may kno be is tickled
somewhere.
This il the natur ov oats az bev
erage-they amuEe the sLummuck
Nv the hoss with their sharp ends,
land then the boss Iaffs.
I never saw a boss laf, but i hev
herd that it could be did.
Thare il a CRATE menny foxes, ov
good moral karakter, who won't
believe emmy thing unless tha can
see it. These kind ov foxes are al
ways the eazyest TO cheat.
Tha won't believe a rattle snake
blight IL pizon until tina tri it; this
kind ov informashun alwas kosts
more than it il aktuully wurth.
It IL middling wize man who
profits by htE own experience, bur
it IL a good deal wizer one who let's
the rattle snake blight the other
phelIow.
The Goddess ov korn IL also the
Goddess or oats, and barley and
buckwheat
Her name IL Series, she il a mith-
illogical woman, and like menny
wimmen now daze, she IL hard to
Iokate.
Thczs MYTHOLOGY men and win
men work we'll enuff in poetry,
WHARF a good deal Of Iieing don't
hurt the sense, but when you come
right down to korn in the ear, OF
oats sn the bundle all the gods and
goddesses in the world kant warrant
d good krop.
1t takes labor to raiEe oats, and
thrash them out, but ov all the lazy
cusses that hav pestercd the earth
since Adam was a boy, the gods and
goddesses bav always been too lazy
to SWEET.
Emmy being who haint never
swet don't knO what be is wurth.
would like to see a whole parcel
ov the gods and the gOddesses in Il
harvest field, reaping lodged oats in
the month of August they couldn' I
earn their pePpersass.
Oats are sold by weight or mez-
zure, and are seldum Cor perhaps i
may say in confidence, never sold
bi kOuDt.
Eggs and money are counted out,
but oats never.
II would be we'll for M beginners
to remember this; it would save
them a good deal Ov time On every
hundred bushels ov oats.
Time IS said tew be the same az
mummy; ii This IL positively so, Ne
thuseler died ritch.
Methuseles wuz exactly 999 years
old when he died now muItipH this
by 365, which would only be allow
ing him dollar day tor hiz time,
and you will fnd just what he wuz
,r-oUt !