Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1871-09-20
Why the Minister Kicked the Deaon.


A good many years $50, when the Meth
odists were rather unpopular IN the East
ern States, a witty divine of that denomin-
alton was serving his second year in
country town in New England 1t was
rather remarkable in those days TOR the
Conference 10 send the same minister two
successive years to the same church. espec-
tally in a country town but it was done
in this instance, and it seemed to be entire
~ satisfactory to all concerned. The cler-
gyman enjoyed the parish. and he had by
his piety and fidelity to the cause of Christ
won the respect OF all good people who
knew him, outside Of his own parish. So
the other two churches. Congregationalist
aud Baptist, had begun to manifest spirit
Of tolerance toward him and his church,
quite unusual for them.
About Thanksgiving time a regular
attendan, of the Baptist Church died the
Baptist minister was sick, and the COngre-
gatIonal minister was out OF town. Under
these circumstances. it was decided 10 IN
vte the Methodist minister TO conduct
the funeral exercises. The invitation was
accepted, and at the proper time the good
clergyman started for the house of mourn
ing. He had some tour miles to travel on
foot, anu TO save some distance, left the
road and went ac os> the fields and through
woods Near this bv-wav where he was
travelling there lived an old lady-a mem
Der ot hls church. As ne was so near, he
Thought he would call moment The ola
lady dil not 20 10 church very often i
was $ far from home, and She was ,.ue,
. her minister. AMI what be intended Shoa
. be ~ m1meutary cali was prolonged I'M.
quite VISIT p spite Of all his efforts To
get away.
The o.d lady was making sausages when
y bc cal Hci At asst he tod her he must
+ 20 but she s4Id he mu>t wait a minute
I while She Put up mess Ut sAusases for
/ him 20 carry home with him-euough for
/ his family d.uuer.-ue tried TO explain
TO her tue mpropricty of her plan under
/ the circumstances, but she was inexorab.e;
/ take the sausages he must, and she could
/ 6x them So there would be no incouven-
/ ieuce 10 him. and the matter need not
come 10 the knowledge of any one else.
! The eausaEes were neatly done up in
white cloth aud snugy pinned-two par
ce.>-aui put 70 the pockets OF his swal-
low tailed coat pocket behind parcel in
each pocket
Then be hurried away. Innocent, kind
[ hearted Ola lady She did not imagine
what grief shame, modification aud sorrow
of heart thi> little act would cause her
pastor: and be in his hurry to make up
/ lost time, little dreamed what awaited
him ia consequence of the old lady
gift
When he arrived at the house OF the de-
ceased. he found a large company waiting.
The neighboring farmers from far and near
had assembled to pay their tribute of re-
spect, and perform the sad offices that the
living can perform for the dead some had
come with carriages, and their horses were
hltched to surrounding trees, fences and
posts. They had allowed their dogs TO
follow them There was a large gather
Ing OF men and boys about the door yard,
waiting for the minister who was late; the
women had mostly gone inside and the dogs
were exchanging cIvlltes, or incIviIties, IN
true dog style, as they happened to take a
liking or dishking to each other-trotting
about with their tails rolled up in rigid |
coils. scratching the ground aside at time, |
causing the dust to fly, and casting ap-
proving glaneeS, or uttering low growls Of
warning according as they felt toward each |
other.
When the minister arrived he shook |
hands with such as he was acquainted with /
and was introduced to others. He had |
hurried to get there in time, GOT heated |
up, and warmed up the sausages in his /
pockets. They were very savory, and /
were emitting fragrance that soon came 4
in contact with the oltactory nerves of the /
hungry dogs The latter lett off their at
teutlons to each other and begun to snuff
for the source of the pleasant odor, which /
they highly appreciated and they soon
traced II to the minister They clustered |
about him in a very friendly manner but
no notice was taken of them and when he /
went to the house, they went too.
A prayer was offered at the residence, /
during which the dogs smeiled out the |
whereabouts of the savory meat exactly, /
and in the doing of this they greatly an
noyed the minister and caused his cheeks /
to burn and heart to ache. After the |
prayer, the corpse was carried to the |
church which was near by, and thither the
whole company followed, where the SER
NlCCo HCiC ~ bC HlOlC lOtidStOu- L AC /
dogs went too, and soon after the minister |
took his place in the pulpit they began to |
skirmish around his coat pockets. If it /!
had been anywhere except in i church, or
on any occasion but funeral, the dogs |
would have been cudgelcd and sent howl |
ing away but as it was, no one wished to /
disturb thequiet sanctity OF the place by the
yelping of dogs-They seemed to compre- |
bend the situation and made the most of |
it. They went up into the pulpit-a sin
Gle one al time-two and three at time |
Sometimes two companies would meet COM
ing from opposite sides of the pulpit but
all centering behind the minister, whose |
only means of defense was kicking out be- |
hind at them, by guess, but the dogs were
very good at lodging, and none got hit.
Thus this service went on. The men
tai anguish of the good minister cannot be |
described but there was no alternative
he must proceed as best be could. At last,
to his great relief, ne was about to close
his part Of the service by pro1ouucing the
benedictlon-had already closed his eyes
and raised his hands for this purpose
when worthy deacon Of the Baptist |
Church wished to have the minister read !