The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-08-22
REVENUE.
BY +. o. MuDKLURK.

Itis a well known fact that the reve-
nue. has an army Of assessors, collec-
tors, inspectors, assistants, clerks,
special agents, etc, in each district
whose duty it is to see that "Uncie
Sam" is not cheated out Of a single
cent OF his just 1--WE guess it's Just)
deserts, and that the combined salaries
of these officers is about equal TO the
amount of revenue they collect.
A friend relates the following little
story" for the truthfulness Of which we
will not vouch:
/ am what some people ignorantly
call Il drummer In other words,
Tm a travelling clerk for the Great
North American Tool and Agricultural
Implement Manufacturing Company,
and, as a matter of course, in my
various peregrinatons over the country,
meet with some strange adventures.
One evening drove into the little
village of Smithville, Tennessee, and
stopped before a nice looking cottage,
with the owner OF which | thought /
might be able to strike a trade. as the
surroundings indicated that a skilled
and enterprisipg hand had charge OF
them.
shouted Hello" and was answered
by the proprietor in person. l stated
my business in as glowing terms as posi-,
bic, and wound up by asking him If he
wished anything in my line.
"Well, no" he replied; You see, I'm
Assessor OF Internal Revenue for thi.
district, and my duties are such that
have no time for anything else"
Perhaps your neigbbor over there,
said !, pointing across the way, would
buy lew articles.
"He2 He's Assistant Assessor OF In
ternal Revenue for this district, and il
requires all his time to attend 10 hi'
duties; | guess he wouldn't buy
anything"
"Who lives in the next house down
there? inquired hopefully.
Mr.. Smith, Collector Of lnterna
Revenue for this district. He has N
time for farming; and, Of course, woulC
buy nothing in that line"
May be the owner Of that fine man
, sion on the hill, yonder," replied !, sol
emnly, would take few Of our agr
!. cultural implements, az everything
, around him indicates,
"Oh, no" said he, interrupiing me
"he's Assistant Collector OF Interna
Revenue for this district, and il he ha
all the farming implements in the worl
he wouldn't have time to use EN-,
c Does anybody else live in thi
town ] asked, despairingly; for n
other houses were visible.
!. Yes" was the reply. Mr.. Jone
lives just beyond the hill yonder, bu
- he is Inspector Of Internal Revenue fc
this district, and is never at home"
Thunder and lightning" said
8 warmly, docs the Revenue Departmer
+ live here? Is there a blacksmith in th
a place? II there is, may be he woul
|. like some Of our tools.
\ Mr. Simmons was our blacksmith
e but be received the appointment Of A
;. sis:ant Inspector Of Internal Revenr
Il for this district last week, and in cons
e quence has closed his shop for the pre-
r. ent."
q "Is there a man in this village VII
b is not connected with the internal re
K enue of this district? =,
D. asked this question as sarcasticalI
4 possible and with faint-very faint
4 glimmering Of hope:
~ "Well, yes, there's the postmaster
" but he is expecting TO receive con
ut mission az Inspector Of Brandies ar
10 Whiskies for this district. l think 1t
d useless to 90 TO him." =.
OF where is the hotelT | asked di
ly gusted.
Il 1--WE have pone-It has BET
u changed to a warehouse Tor th
n district"
ID do you collect enough revenue
rs this district to pay yourselves
,e asked for information this time.
d "No, SIR. We do not; but other d
IL tricts collect more than enough. The
70 surplus is appropriated to fill our de
be cheney. Thus things are equalize