Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1871-04-14
THE GAZETTE.
CEDAR FALLS, APRIL Ia, 1871.
MY First Literary Venture.
BY MARK TWAIN.

BY MARK TWAIN.
From the Galaxy for April.
was q smart child at the age of
thirteen-an unusually smart child,
1 thought at the time. 1t was then
l did my first scribblibg, and most
unexpectedly TO me il stirred up a
fine sensation in the community. 1t
did indeed, and was very proud of
1t, too.
L was a printers "devil," and a
progressive aud aspiring one. MY
uncle had me on his paper (the
Weekly Hannibal Jouraat.n two
dollars year in advance-50O sub
scribers, and they paid In cord. wood,
cabbages, and unmarketable turnipsl,
anu on lucky summer day lie left
town to be gone week, aud ask ed
me If thought could edit one is
sue of the paper judiciously. Ah,
didn't L want to try! Hinton was
the editor of the rival paper. He
had lately been Tilted, and one night
a friend found an open note on the
poor fellows bed, in which he stated
he could no longer endure life and
had drowned himself In Bear Creek.
The freud ran down there and dis.
covered Hinton wading back to
shore! He had concluded he
wouldn't. Ihe village was full of il
for several days, but Hinton did not
suspect it. l thought this was O iiGe
opportunity. L wrote All elaborately
wretched account of the whsle mat
ter, and then illustrated 1t with vii.
lanous cuts engraved on the bottom
OF wooden type with a jack knife
one of them wading out into the
creek i'm his shirt, with lantern,
sounding the depth of the water
with q walking. stick. l thought it
was desperately funny, and was
denscly unconscious that there was
any moral obliquity about such a
publication. Being satisfied with
this effort, / looked around for other
worlds to conquer, and il struck me
that IL would make good, interesting
matter to charge the editor of a
neighboring country paper with q
piece OF gratuitous rascality and "see
him squirm!" did it, putting the
article into the form of a parody on
the Burial of "Sir John Moore"-and
a pretty crude parody il was, too. -
Then L iampooned two prominent
cltizens outrageously-not because
they had done anything TO deserve it,
merely because L thought it was my
duty to make the paper lively. Next
L gently touched up the newest
stranger-the lion Of the day, the
gorgeous journeyman tailor from
Quincy. lie was a simpering cox
comb Of the first water aud the
"loudest" dressed man in the State.
lie was an inveterate woman killer.
Every week he wrote lushy "poetryu
for the "Joarnar about his newest
conquest. His rhymes for my week
were headed "pO MARY IN HI"
meaning to Mary i'm Hannibal, of
course. But while setting up the
piece was suddenly riven from head
TO heel by what regarded as a per-
feet thunder bolt of humor, aud
compressed ii into a snappy foot. note
at the bottom-thus: 1--WE will let
this thing pass, just this once; but
We wish MIR. j, Gordon Runnels 10
understand distinctly that we have "A
character to sustain, aud from this
time forth when he wants 10 COM
mune with his friends in HI he
must select some other medium than
the columns of this journal!"
The paper came out, anu | never
knew anything to attract so much
attention as those playful little tri~
lies OF mine. For once the Hanni.
bal JourRdt was In demand-a nov.
city it had not experienced before
The whole town was stirred, Him.
ton dropped in with double bar.
relied shot gun early In the fore
noon. When he saw il WAS an infant,
as he called me, that had done him
the damage, he simply pulled my
ears and went away but he threw
up his situation that night and left
town for good. The tailor came with
his goose and pair of shears, but he
despised me too, and departed for the
South that night. The two lam.
pooned citizens came with threats of
libel, and went away inceEsed at my
insignificance. The country editor
pranced In with a war-hoOp next
day suffering for blood to drink but
he ended by forgiving me cordially
and inviting me down to the drug
store to wash away all animosity In
friendly bumper of Fahnestock's u
S.u6o' IL was u iiLtle JOKE.
M y uncle was very angry when he
got back, unreasonably so, / thought
considering what an impetus / had
gixen the paper and considering also
that gratitude for his preservation
ought to have been uppermost i'm bis
mind, inasmuch as by his delay he
had so wonderfully escaped detection
tomahawking, libel, and getting his
head shot off. But he softened when
be looked at the accounts and saw
that / had actually booked the un-
paralleled number of thirty three
new subscribers, and had the vegetas
bles to show for it, cord wood, cab
bage, beans, and unstable turnips
enough to run the family for two
years!