The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-02-07
Those Plagued Cats !

NNHE FACT that Mr. Oliver lived in
a uniform row of houses in the Four
teenth Ward was the reason why he was
unfortunate. One moonlight night last
week the noise made by the cats on the
roof was simply awful. Mr.. Oliver lay
in bed trying in vain to get to sleep,
grinding his teeth with rage, until at last
the uproor overhead, become uncomfortable.
Mr.. Oliver crept out of bed softly, so that
his wife could not be awakened. He put
on his slippers, seized boot with each
hand, and clad in the snowy robes of
night, he opened the trap door and emerg-
cd upon the roof. There were thirty or
forty cats out there holding a kind of
general synod in the cool Of the sum-
mer evening, enjoying the bracing air,
and singing glees. As Mr.. Oliver APP
preached, the cats moved over to thenext
roof MIR. Oliver advanced and flung a
boot at them. They then adjourned sud
denly to the next residence. Mr.. Oliver
projected another boot, and went over af-
ter the first one. In this manner the
synod retreated, and he advanced till the
last one Of the row of twenty houses was
reached, when the cats arranged them
selves in line along the parapet, ruflled
up their fur, curved their spnes, and spat
furiously at Oliver That bold warrior
gathered up his boots and determined to
retreat. He walked over a dozen houses
and descended through a trap-door. He
went down stairs to his bedroom, and
opened the door. There was a man in
the room in the act of walking up and
down with baby. Before Oliver had
recovered from his amazement, the man
flung the baby on the bed, and seizing IL
revolver began firing rapidly at Oliver.
1t then dawned upon Oliver that he
had come down the wrong trap-door.
He proceeded up stairs again suddenly,
the man with the revolver practicing at
him in painful manner. When Oliver
reached the door he shut the trap and
stood upon it. The man fired through
the boards twice, and then hooked the
door upon the inside. A moment after
Oliver heard him springing a watchman's
rattle from the front window. As soon
as the neighbors knew there was a man
on the roof, they all flew up stairs and
tasted their trap-doors, and Mrs. Oliver
fastened hers, with the firm conviction
that some predatory villain had entered
while she slept and stolen her Oliver.
When he tried the door it was fast, and
Mrs. Oliver was screaming so fercely
that he could not make himself heard.
BY this time the street was filed with
policeman, all Of whom were blazing away
at Oliver with their revolvers, while the
young men across the street kept up
steady fire with pistols, shot guns, and
miscellaneous missiles. Oliver, with every
advantage of forming an opinion, said
that Gettysburg was mere skirmish
to it. He hid behind the chimney and
lay up against the bricks to keep warm,
while the policemen stationed themselves
all around the square to capture HIM
when he would slide down one of the
water-spouts. But Oliver did not slide.
He sat out on the roof all night, with the
wind circulating through his two triAing
garments, listening to the yawling cats
and the occasional shouts from the picket
line below, and thinking of the old Jews
who used to pray on their house tops,
and wonderingif Mussulmen were ever
shot at Or bothered with cats and police
man when they practiced their evening
deyotions on their roofs. When daylight
came, the neighbors rallied in a crowd,
armed with all kinds Of weonons from
howitzers down, and mounted to thereof,
Oliver was taken down and put to bed,
and he now has more influenza for man
of his size than any other citizen of his
Ward. He says he is agoing to move in
to a house that is next to nobody, q house
that stands in the middle of a prairie of
some kind, aud he intends to stencil his
name in white on the trap,door.
Ds9- A Louisville girl, whose lover
calls every morning and stays all day,