Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1871-09-30
Equal to Mark Twain.


preciate the following DER true tale,
which we take from the Philadelphia
Dispdtch:
A week or two ago one Of our report
ers had occasion TO refer to a certain
womon, whom we will call Hannah
Smith, as n denizen Of the Eleventh
Ward. A day or two afterwards huge
man entered the office with his brow
clothed with thunder. In his hand he
carried a fearful club, and at bis side
trotted bull dog whom hunger had
evidently made desperate. With that
quick appreciation of the situation which
is Gre ditable ~ the superior intelligence
of educated men, the editor Of this paper
and the proprietors darted to the win
dow, climbed outside, slid down the
lightning rod, and went across the street
to watch the bloody fray through a spy
glass. With that fearlessuess of con
scious innocence we sat still, merely in-
serting our legs in two sections Of stove
pipe, to guard against any misapprehen-
sion of facts on the part of the bull dog
The man with the club approached.
"Are YOU the editor?" he asked, spit
ting OH his hand and grasping the club.
We told him that the editor was out
that he had gone to the north pol" with
Capt Hall, aud that he wond not re-
turn before 1876, in time for the centen-
uial celebration.
care you the proprietor p asked the
| man.
We explained to him that we were
not, that the proprictors were also out
that they had gone to South America for
the purpose of Investigating the curative
properties of condurango, and they cx-
pecled to remain there for several years.
"Well, whoever you are" exclaimed
the warrior, "my name is Smith !"
We told him we were glad because
if there was one thing better than the
possession of tie name of Smith, 1t was
the privilege of knowing a man Of that
name. "But Smith," we said, "why
this battle array? 1t is absurd for man
to put on the panoply of war, and frisk
into editorial sanclums tumbimg club
and accompanied by dishearlening bull
dog, simply because his name happened
to be Smith"
lie said he called in TO burst the head
of the man who had insuted his sister.
cit is impossible, Smith, that such Il
thing could have been done by any one
in this Office"
"But it was, though; and her name
was published, TO. Miss Smith-Miss
Hammer Smith"
"May we be permitted to enquire, Mr.
Smith, what was the precise character OF
the alront offered to Hannah %
| W Ill ha
blackguard said she was dcnizen. Aud
want you to understand" exclaimed
Smith, becoming excited, and brandish-
ing his club in wild manner over our
head, while the bull dog advanced and
commenced to sniff up and down oul
stovcpipe. 81 want you 70 understand
that she is a decent young woman, with
good character, and none of your DEM
ztns aud such truck The man who say,
she is Il denizen is backguard and d
thief, and Pll smash him over the nos,
if get a chance. They may say what
they please about me, but the man wh'
abuses my sister has got to suffer" An,
Smith struck the table in n violent man
ner with his club, while the bull dog pu
his toreegs on the back OF our chair.
n We acifed Smith with dictionary
a We pointed out to that raging warric
, that the Websterian definition Of tn
word "denizen' gives such a person al
offending character, and dcpIives ,h'
term of everything like reproach. Smitl
; said he was satisfied, aud he shook hand
and kicked the bull dog down stairs
y The editor aud proprietors, seeing tha
!. all was safe, Immediately climbed th
lightning rod and soon appeared ut th
e window, where'they were introduced 1
Smith, with the remark that they ha
returned from the North pole and tn
II cline of the cundurango somewhat III
e expectedly, i'll order to surprise their r'
n lations.
And now we suppose Smith will b
G. mad because we have told this stor
about him, and he will be coming dow
e. TO interview us again in wars magnii
cent stern array with fresh bull do!
! But il will be in vain. Wa have rente
an Office in the top of the shot-towe
DC and have planted torpedoes and sprin
III gus all the way up stairs We wal
this iucendiary Smith to beware.