The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1871-12-16


twain into one flesh. Though the night
was far spent, it seemed unreasonable to
refuse him such 4 request, especially as he
might want to flaunt the precious docu.
ment in the face Of some cruel parent, or
stern uncle, in the morning. Leaving my
father to keep an eye on the happy couple,
l went up stairs and filled out an elegantly
Autographed marriage certificate-sucli as
they sell at the stores for half dollar. l
returned to the parlor, with all possible
speed, and handed it to the happy man,
who thanked me, and seemed about to take
his leave.
But he and the object of his affections
seemed to have little embarrassment
about gathering themselves up to 60. They
looked like going; and yet halted, in some
doubt as to whether to go or stay. had
no cake to offer them, and it was against
my convictions of duty to offer them wine,
even if l had had cellar full of it. And
why tarried they?
The happy, but now decidedly embar-
raised young man, was busy ramming his
fingers and thumbs into his pockets. First
into his vest pockets; then deep into the
recesses of the pockets of his pantaloons;
then thoroughly exploring the breast peck
cts of his coat; then digging out the inte-
rior of his coat tails, as if determined to
reveal some undiscovered mystery con-
nected with his bridal apparel; then all
these exercises over again, and yet third
and fourth time. l saw what he was
after and so did my father, but we pre-
tended not to look. Finding his pockets
marvellously empty, he turned to his blush
ing bride, who was sitting on the sofa shar
ing his embarrassment, and asked in sort
of stage whisper, which, of course, was
not for me to hear, "Hare you got any
money!
To which she made the semi-audible
answer, Not cent!''
The impecunieus bridegroom, then put
ting on the blandest sort of an awkward
smile of politeness, turned to me and said
81 had, ali! intended, sir-yes-intended
-ah to-ah to-make, ah!-you-that
is to say, sir-yes, had intended-ah! and
expected-ah! so to speak, sir, to-ah!
make you-ah! well, sir-a little present
ah! present-ah. um!-sir, by way-ah!
yes-um. in remuneration, sir-ah! that is,
so to sreak-ah! sir, for the kind Office
you have-that is-ah performed-ah!
performed for us this-ah! this evening,
sir. Ah!-but sir-um! that is to say, sir
well, the fact, sir, is, you see, that neither
my ,ois nor I-are-ah! so to speak-well,
sir, in funds, tonight sir-ah. And-ah!
let me say, sir-ah I'll call next Tuesday,
sir"
l assured him of the pleasure it would
give me to wait till the coming Tuesday,
and babe him and his vito farewell, wish
ing them all manner of JOY, happiness, and
long life; and inviting them to come to my
church when they could make it convenient
to drive SO far; and to make free to call at
the parsonage at any time.
l shut up the house, turned out the
lights, and went to bed, thinking of the
oddly of this couple coming at such an
absurd time of night, and of the ridiculous
look of the fellow as he asked his bride for
money to pay the marriage fee.
In my simplicity l expected him on
"Tuesday next with his fee, large or
small, as might be; but my expectations as
to its size were not very tremendous.
TUESDAY next" came; but the bride
groom didn't. Nor has he, on any sue
ceeding Tuesday, or other day of any
week, presented himself.
1 have never heard of the rascal but
twice since that. First, rs high private
in the army; second as deserter from the
same. l guess he never made her much of
a husband. A biped who is mean enough
to swindle poor parson out of his mar
riage fee in that style, will never shine as
one of the lights of the world.
In my pastoral registry, opposite the
record of that marriage, under the head of
Remarks" stands the entry, "Will call
next Tuesday" And if he ever "calls,''
my successor in the pastoral office is well
come to the fee.
The moral of all which is, that when
folks sneak along in the middle of the
night to get married, and propose to "call
next Tuesday, it is prudent to tell them
that when they "call next Tuesday," they
can have their certificate. At