The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-09-21

"A good way to make fiat irons smooth is
to rub them with clean lard and wipe dry.
1t is great waste of raw material to put
ten dollars worth of beaver on ten cents worth
of brains.
= Living always in the world makes one as
unfit for living out of it as always living out OF
it does for living in it.
"A female lecturer says that the only decent
thing about Adam was rib, and that went to
make something better.
One pint of linseed oil, one wine glass of
alcohol, we'll mixed together, and applied with
linen rag, makes good furniture polish.
Fragments of human beings, blown into
the air by steamboat explosions, are spoken of
in Arkansas as atmospheric phenomena"
= Every person complains of the badness of
his memory, but none of their defective Judg-
ment.
"A condensed "philosophy of farming
Feed your land before it is hungry; rest it be-
fore it is weary and weed it before it is foul.
An Illinois editor says "Trying to do
business without advertising is like winking in
the dark you are keeping up powerful wink
ing, but nobody else has any idea of it."
"A person was boasting that he was from
have seen some of the family so high that their
feet would not touch the ground"
An English preacher converted" every
male member of his congregation by simply
expressing his belief that there would be twelve
times as many women as men in heaven.
- Bruised peach leaves are said to be GER
tain, easy and painless cure for warts; and al
so a sure remedy for healing punctures of nails,
etc., in the foot, either of man or beast.
Romantic Amelia Ito her betrothed young
doctor)- )-"Look, dear, such beautiful sunset
The sky is all crimson" Unromantic Doctor
-"Ya-as-appears to have had mustard plas-
ter on"
The Paducah Re,tlckian says: 'fPaducah
is, without doubt, the healthiest place of its
size on the continent of America. A doctor
here, without other resources than his practice,
would be forced to steal, or starve to DEATH"
"Patty," a lady called to a little girl who
was in the parior "did you tell your mother
that was here?" eyes, ,'m," answered Patty,
demurely. "And what did she say?" "She
said, %, that dreadful woman again p"
When terrific flashes shoot athwart the
lurid sky it's sign of lightning, and when the
contents of the cloud falls like water from a
squeezed sponge it is sign OF rain. These
signs never fail, even in dry weather.
"A clever man, who had run counter to the
general opinions pronounced himself strongly
AGAINST popular work. In all societies, he
was answered that the public had come to
very different conclusion from this. "The pub
lie i" he rejoined, chow many fools must you
collect together to form public?"
An eastern naturalist is studying out
plan to sharpen tho scent of the bcd-bug. He
thinks that if this could be accomplished so
that the varmint would be enabled to smell
himself he'd become so disguised with his odo-
riferous carcass that he'd never think of associ-
atng with anything but skunks and Llmber-
ger cheese.
"A North Carolina colorcd juror was re-
Gently seen making rapid tracks for the Virgin
ia line, and upon being accosted by gentle
man as to whittier he was going, confessed with
dismay that he was fleeing the State, rs he
had just heard that the "jury was to be hung" !"
This is related as fact in the Weldon IN. C.)
Neoos.
- The bellies at Long Branch this season are
principally married ladies. AT other fashiona-
ple resorts the same fact is noticed A connois-
seur explains this by saying that young un-
married ladies are so much absorbed in the
science of dress and self display as to be utter
ly inslpld. tie doesn't know whether cunuu-
range will cure cancer or not, but he is sangu-
inc that marriage is a sure antidote for this in
sipidity.
Mr.. D. II. Craig, late general agent of the
New York Associated Press, is said to have
perfected his new system of tclegraphy, to the
development of which he has been devoting his
time and means for three years past, with re-
suits that can hardly fail to effect an entire rev.
olution in telegraphy, by reducing its cost to a
rate very little above the present rates of post
system il is perfect practicable to transmit with
absolute accuracy, over single wire, more than
sixty thousand words an hour-a speed more
than sixty times greater than by any of tho
systems now in use. Tclcgrams which under
the Morse system now costs several dollars will,
it Is said, be reduced to comparatively few
cents; which, if true, will make its value inesti-