Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1871-11-09
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS.


nessee, came to a speedy ruin because
he was too sanippy" for that region. |
ia wore q StOyepipe bat. bad his boots |
blscked each day, and mounted a fresh |
paper collar every morning, all Of
WEich served to disgust the natives, |
Who said be put on too much Kentuc !
ky hlne grass society for them
But still lie was endured until the !
women learned that be had his shirts |
made 70 button behind. That they |
could NOT. would not stand and when
the fair sex turned against him, all |
fO<fhef struggles against fate became
useless. The yOnng mans stock in
trade was sold of by the sheriff.
"A professor In a certain college |
had taken bis class out on pleasant
Afternoon to exercise them in practi- |
cal surveying. The next morning
they Vlgre to be examined onsthe same. |
-he Alst man was called up. Said the
professor: s,How would you go to
work 70 survey lot of land f'' deep
thinking, but no answer. @If a man
should come to you to get youtol sur
sNey lot ofland, what would You do %
ar think" said the student thought
sfnllyys 81 shOHI1 tell him he had better
get som ebody else.'
isisClara Cooking at the bonnets. etc.
-'.Don't you think they are very hand
some" Amy whose thoughts are on
the other side of the street Very;
especially the one with the black NOUS
taclsc.
A man attempted to spell croekery,
The other day, and proceeded thus
ssKrangh hkearreighe,n - but expired in a
Bpasm before he could make Y, with
which he intended to end the Word
se"So you are going to keep a
school r. said one young lady to
another. '.Well, for my part, sooner
than do that, would marry a wild
over with nine children. II should
prefer that myself" was the quiet re-
ply ''but where is the widower ?"
When an Irish woman applied for
relief at Portland, the committee
asked ~
"How many children have youg'
.aitsSix, your honor"
"How old is the youngest ~
s'' Me youngest is dead, yer honor
but I've had another since.''
.s'sA devoted little wife, in Lafay-
cite, Ind, seeing her husband blowing
10 the muzzle of gun, while holding
back the hammer with his foot, triped
down to ask a milliner the prices of
mourning, and whether it would be
becoming to her complexion, NV
Josh Billings, says: Courage with
out discretion is like ram without
horns on both ends-he will have
more fights on hand than he can do
Justice TO. h6
Cow catehers arc now placed on the
bows of Mississippi steamboats, the
water is too low ny
A couple of girls put bull frog
into the hired mans bed to see il they
eouldn't make him talk. David threw
Il out Of the window and never said a
single word. Soon after be gut half
= bUshel Of chestnut burs into.the girls
bed About the time he thoHght they
would make the least shadow, Dave
went 70 The door and ratified the latch
Turiousiy. Out went the candle, and
in went the girls; but they did not
stick, though the burs did. Calling to
them, be begged them to be quiet, for
he only wanted to know if they had
He'd give tive dollars to find il. 8
1t is reported that Horace Greely
has got into mSss with a Texas edi-
tor. 1t appears that in an agricultural
essay on tobacco, Mr. Greedy asserts
that fne cut will not ripen well unless
the tin foil is stripped from the grow
ing buds early in the spring, and that
plug tobacco ought to be knocked of
the trees with clubs instead of being
picked by hand. This the Texas
editor said was nonsense, and Mr.
GFeely challenged him.
at a negro camp-meetine in
Georgia, recently, the orator of the
day, seeing that some of the members
had whisky bottles Ia their pockets,
said: "There's some O. these ere
breddren tryin for to cit inter tht
kingdom with whisky bottle in thai
pockets. The gate O. hebben's mighty
narrer, bredTen; much as ever you's
gwine to squeeze in yotpsefl How
does yer. spect yer gwiue to Get thar
with whisky bottle hanging to yer r
A member asked him whatthey shoaIt
do with them. Bring EN- right VI
tosthe pulpit" said the speaker, and
Will phSN Uem as StNsftNte to Nt
Lord,' About a half dozen bottle
were transferred TO the pulpit, Th
darlSey gave. a short sermon and re
paired TO his tent, and two hours after
ward he was so stupidity drunk that b
could not stand alone ra
A San Francisco journal says
GAS rule tits not a good plan to visj
the house of a recently married lad
toicoIlect money loaned her while vo
were. courting her yourself. We hav
reason to believe that we are supporte
in this opinion by Mr.. Edward Kelly
of this city, but as Mr.. Kelly is 8
the hospital, suffering with FIVE gashe
from bowie knife, NE have foreborn
to personally consult him"
Tweed was arrested OH the 9th, o
an order from tho court in Alban
couRtyg0 He was released on two mi
lions bail. Jay Gould, President
the Erie Railroad, III. J. Hastfn6
editor of the Commercial Advertise
and some Tammany politicians wei
on the bond
Elder Hawkins, the Mormon wh