Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-08-18
HunOr.


A man in the WRITE rlace-an editor.
Some people love to have fts-benefts.
A relatives position standing godfather.
The four seasons-mustard, salt, pepper
and vinegar.
What do great liars do when they die :?
they lie still.
Why are hogs like trees? Because they
root for living.
Appropriate diet-parties behind time
should be fed on ketch up.
Why are clouds like coachmen7 Because
they bold the rains.
Why is the sun lik good loaf? Because
it is light only when it rises.
Most people are glad to give their opil-
ion Lawyers usually sell theirs.
Ballet-girls and geese are the animals
that can stand the longest on one leg.
Some people say that dark.haired women
marry soonest. We differ; it is the light
head ones.
Why should Samson have made good
opera singer? Because he could easily have
brought down the house.
What is the difference between hungry
man and glutton? One longs to eat, and
tho other eats too long.
Greeley advises young men not to pur-
chase farms that abound in cold springs, be-
cause cold spring is apt to ruin the crops.
Deacon, said minister, after heavy
sermon, L am very tired Indeed re-
piled the deacon; then you'll know how to
pity u.s.
A Providence man thrashed his better
half, was tried and fined twenty dollars, and
the abused angel washed and earned the
money to get him out.
The New York Globe mentions report
that James Fisk, Jr., has bought up Mag
ara Falls, so as to have sufficient material
with which to water the stock of Erie.
Through tickets to 60 round the world,
are for sale at London, for $12 so; but what
is the use of going round, when your ticket
entities you to 60 through?
A Cincinnati newspaper contains an &C.
count Of production Of new play, and
says the audience sat spellbound. One was
deaf, and the other three asleep
A youthful Pittsbp~~
ter canvae~
FRI LIZ political sprout, af-
narangue, met his particular
..4end with, web, my dear sir, did you
hear my last speech? I hope So
A lady sometimes keeps charms upon her
watoh-guard; but it is more important that
she keeps watch and guard upon her
charms.
Henry Ward Beecher preached the other
Sunday from the text: MY soul cleaveth
unto the DUST It certainly does; and q
twenty thousand-dollar salary is pile Of
dust worth cleaving to.
A young lady of Clarke county, Mo-,
advertises for husband who will stay in O
nights, as she has been very supersticious
since her father 'dide,' and, is afraid of
coasts
The story of lazy school-boy who SPELL
ed Andrew jackson Cru Jaxon,' has been
eoualled by student who wished to mark
half dozen new shirts. He marked the
first John JONES' and the rest do
At one of the summer hotels. the guests are
called to their meals by the discharge of
piece of artillery. We wonder if the land
lord considers this . cannon aid to appe-
tite.
If, says contemporary, Brigham Young
wore an additional weed on his hat every
time he lost wife or mother.in-law, it is
estimated his hat would have to be twenty
seven feet high.
Bill said Bob. why is that tree called
the weeping willow?' Cause one Of the
sneaking, plaguey things grew near the
schoolhouse and supplied the master with
switches
The editor of the Detroit Post has retired
to become minister Of the Gospel. To
leave the editorial chair of Radical paper
for the pulpit. is longer jump than most
people would presume possible.
AS illustrating the humorous, Prot. Low
ell mentions an advertisement that caught
his eve some time since: Wanted, by boy,
a situation in an eating.house. He is used
to the business.
IA chary old Yankee gentleman travelling
out West got a seat beside his wife in a
crowded railway carriage, by requesting the
young man who sat by her to please watch
that woman while he went into another car
rage, as she had fits
An exchange says: 1t is not good taste
for young men to stay after ten o'clock when
visiting young ladies' Our devil says be
never noticed any difference in the taste af
ter ten o'clock. He says its good any
time
Browning-'Well, l always make it 6
rule to tell my wife everything that hap
pens.'
Smithkins-'Oh, my dear fellow, that i
nothing. l tell my wife lots Of things tina
never happened at all
johnny was telling his ma how be was go
ing to dress and show off when he was
man. His ma asked: Johnny, what d.
YOU expect to do for living when you &c
to be q manY well, I'll get married, an,
lodge with my wife's pa
STORY OF AN IRISH ADyocATE.-He woul
20 on speaking after the learned judge ha
cautioned him to desist, till at last his irr
tated Lordship cried, Sir, it's no use speal
ing; what you say to me goes in one ear an
out of the other
The advocate would not be silenced.
NV Lord, he said, its no wonder whe