The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1871-09-02
WIT AND WIFUNM


An apoth,cary sent ! ri.'-. A l l151
which ran thus; = To rwg yo0- fr
band until he died.
Onions are said to be good for nervous
people. We know some people whom
onions make very nervous.
A Stone-cutter in Ohio bas ach eyed i'm
mortality for himself by tracing on tomb
stone the assertion that the little child
buried heuclth was an angle On earth,
and now she is an angle in heaven"
An old fellow went to dine at a shop>
house, and, after waiting some few minutes,
gruffly asked the waiter, "How long will
my chop be About five inches, sir"
was the reply
A militia officer being told BY rhre-
nologist that he bad an organ of locality
very large, Immediately replied, Every
likely, was fifteen years in the local mllI~
tia"
said an ambitious youth one dav %
lady Don't you think I'd better ave
my mOustscbe earessing the infant prod
icy. 4 ! think if you let It alone, it'll die
itself, replied the lady
The following notice is posted conspicu-
ously in publication Office out West
Shut this door, and az soon az you have
done talking On business, serve your mouth
10 the same way" Borcs wouldn't d. a
slow thing to cut ths out and pas e II On
their bats.
A venerable farmer living near the Hoo
sac Tunnel was called upon to give an
opinion on that great enterprise. Shaking
h head, be said, Z" / have lived herea-
bouts, Oft and Oh, about forty years, and
my opinion is that if was the Common
wealth of M tssachusetts, and hadn't gone
into Z, wouldn't w into n But ef
had gone into t, ami got as fur es you hev,
my opinion il that ] don't know what
should Do about IL
I" You haven't got such a thing as a
pair Of old trowsers, have your No, my
man" said the merchant, don't keep
my wardrobe in my counting house"
Where do you 1--we? reioined Pat,
"and IIl call in the morning for the ould
pair you've got on"
The head Of Vermont railroad shop
was applied 10 fOr permission 70 work On a
fast day by couple Of men who were noted
1 for their laziness. Permission was given,
'for," says the chief, you can't either q
you work hard enough to break the day"
A thick-headed squire being worsted
\ BY Sydney Smith in an argument, took biz
revenge by saying, If | bad a son tlat
was an IDIOT, BY Jove, I'd make him par
son \ Very probable" replied sgd
ney, "but ! see that your father was Of
different mind"
In one of the pleasant villages in Vest
ern New York, The other day, certain
worthy housekeeper thought she would call
on ber nearest neghbor. She was about
entering the door, but hesitated, thinking
the family might be taking their supper.
"Come ID, f" said the hostess, We are having
tableaux." eyes" replied the visitor, II
thought | smet en-"
Good morning, MI. Smith. On the
sick list to-day p "Yes, sir; got the
ague." "Do you ever shake u" Yes,
shake fearfully." "Wben do you shake
again ~ "Can't say when; shake every
day. Why do you ask p "Oh, nothing
in particular only | thought if you shook
% bad Ia ike to stand by and see if you
wouldn't shake the IS out of your pocket
which you have owed me 50 long"
A couple, rather green, once went to Y Q
residence of DR.. w, to be married. The
ceremony being over, the bridegroom in
quired, What il the damage z" "Noth-
ing" replied the doctor, 81 hope there is no
damage done /; " and the happy pair depart
Cd, congratulating themselves on getting
the lob done SO cheaply. But not long
after they quarreled and separated, which
led tie husband to say that !" DR.. ". did
MOI Ian tie danaoe hiah enouqhn