Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1871-05-15
@isfellat,epns.
SOCIAL ORGAN GRINDERS.

The philanthropic organ-grinder is per- !,
haps as easy to deal with as any he al
ways has some case in hand requiring I
charitable aid, and we can, if we are so
disposed, give him something to move
on to the next door. But, if we arc not
willing to purchase peace in this way, we
have to endure his music. 1t is very sell
dom that it will answer to metaphorically
slam the door in his face--he is not to be
daunted. The scientific grinder is much
dreaded; he plays away for the hour to-
gether, and his friends look at one anoth-
er in hopeless silence, but as silence is all .
he wants, he is perfectly satisfied. IfyouI
should give him copper in the shape of a
an approving ''Oh!n or ''Ahm the only =
change he makes is to direct his melody to
you in particular for the next few minutes
during which time you have to look as if
you perfectly understood the theory of
atoms and had formed some definite idea
the moon. feeling yourself all the time to
be a despicable hypocrite. and knowing
that your friends see through you. For 4,
some scientific grinders it is impossible to
obtain the shortest respite even at meals
they will insist upon reducing the various
articles of food to their lowest denomina-
tion, by telling US what proportion of this
is starch. or how much of that is gluten,
till we almost begin TO doubt whether solid
bread and butter are not mere optical de-
lusions after all. Then there is the anec-s
dota grinder; something is always occur
ring to remind him of one of his anecdotes,
and once let him obtain the cue from some
unlucky remark, and he grinds forth his
anecdotes by the dozen. In the course of
conversation gentleman happens to men-
tiOn that he was salmon-fishing in the
Highlands last month this is enough land
before the first speaker has time to give
an account of his tour, thereis prepara-
tory cough from our friend of the anecdotes,
and he proceeds: "Ah, that reminds me
of the time when / and two or three
friends went down to Greenwich to taste
the whitebait" He then goes on to en-
large on his personal experience of the
Prime Minister; in the midst of which
history he is perhaps reminded of some
other anecdote, equally interesting, which
he faithfully recounts, after which he pro-
ceeds with the original story. 1t is ANUS,
ing to observe those who are acquainted.
with the propensity of this gentleman,
when they have unfortunately let slip a
leading remark. and they hear the prepara-
tory cough-that is the knen of doom--a
look of silent anguish passes across their,
faces, which is gradually replaced by an
expression of calm resignation, and they
are then prepared for the infliction. The
remedy for this description of organ-grind-
ing can only be practised when the audi
ence thoroughly know the habits of the
performer; the course to be taken is. the
moment the cough is heard, for all to.be
taken suddenly deaf, and to talk together
in loud tones, mingled with laughter, on
the first topic that suggests itself. This
may nip the story in the bud. If, how
ever the grinderis ofthe most determined
class, it is as well to give in at once. for
to tell his anecdote he will, if he waits the
whole evening for it; besides which, it is
noblef for all to suffer together than to al
low one luckless individual to be taken by
the button-hole on the first opportunity,
and receive the whole narration alone and
unsupported. Chambers Journal.