Semi-weekly Louisianian. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1871-1872, 1871-07-02
FUN Nd FANCY.
NINETY-NINE IN THE SHADE,

Oh! for a lodge in a garden of cucumbers;
Oh, for an iceberg or two of control;
Ca!for vale which at midday the dew
Oh! for a pleasure trip to the Pole.
Oh! for little one-story thermometer,
With nothing but zeroes all round in a
Oh! for a big double-barreled h drometer,
To measure this moisture that rolls from
my brow.
Oh! that this cold world were twenty
times colder.
Chats irony red-hot, it seemeth to me;)
Oh! for turn Of its dreaded cold shoulder
Oh. what comfort an ague would be.
Oh! for grotto to typify Heaven,
Scooped in the rock under cataract vast
Oh. for a winter of discomfort even:
Oh! for wet blankets judiciously cast.
Oh! for a chill that would be perpetual,
Tor at least last till the summer is oer;)
Then fever may come as effectual,
And last until winter is with us no
-PHYsIc.--A country apothecary
not q little distinguished for his i'm
Pss.dence, in the hope of disconcert-
ing a young clergyman, whom he
knew to be a man Of singular mod
esty, asked him, in the presence of
a large company, at a public assem-
bly,, "Why did the patriarchs of old
live to such an extreme age ?" ITO
which the clergyman replied, 81
suppose the ancient patliarchs took
no physic."
-COUaHISo IN PLACES OF WORSHIP.
A popular clergyman, who was sad
ly annoyed by incessant coughing
among his congsaeation, paused in
his discourse, and remarked that
IF ladies would wear their bonnets
on their. heads, and tie the strings,
coughs wanhnot be so prevalent
He certshiy don't mean to be
roughed down.
GRANDMA TO GRANppA.-"Have
you heard that strange story about
Miss Simpkins' elopement?" Little
Precocious.-"Oh, / know all about
.ha.." Grundma-'.Indeed 1 should
ike to know what it is you don't
lnow?" Little P.-"Well, then, I'll
ell you-I don't know my lesson
or tomorrow"
-EDUcArIoN.-Mr. Buster is an
opponent offree schools from ''prin-
Die" He goes "aS'in education,
lot because of its unconstitution-
llity, but because it's unnatural.
ignorance is "natur'," he says. We
ire born to be ignorant and ought
'o.be kept so.
TALKING MArcA.-An underta-
ker who was briskly furnishing up
coffin, being asked whom it was
or, replied, Il can't tell which, but
,wo women have started out on a
alEng match next door, and it'll
'e sure to end in the death of one
If .em!
They have a new cemetery
n Ockmulgee county. Ga, and ac-
'ording to a local, "the Hon. E. w. |
Tyson is the first gentlemen who
las had the pleasure ofbeing buried
n this delightful retreat
An old topper hearing it stated |
hat the French have no " in their
language, declared it was not SO;
n fact, that it couldn't be so, for
low could they spell uhissey with
'ut W@
People may rail against tobac-
o, saying it's use shortens existence
Tut there is case on record show
ng how it once really saved
ife.
''Tobaccy wanst saved my Ife,"
aid Paddy Blake, an inveterate
moker. "How was that ?" inquir-
d his companion. "Oh, you see 1
'as diggin' a well, and come up for
good smoke, and whilst / was up
he well caved in"
"A Troy Dutcha.an in trying to
each the ferry-boat fell into the
'ater. His first exclamation ON be-
az hauled out was: 'NLein Colt,
It's have a pridge r
"A lawyer addressing the jury
lade use ofthis phrase speaking of
is client: ''Othello's occupations
one." When bis opponents turn