Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1871-06-08
Wit and Wisdom.

THE Teetotaler's Paradise-The Tenn
perate Zone.
In what color should secret be
kept I'm violet.
WHEN the price of liquor rules low,
do dealers labor under "a depression
of spirits ? y
WARNING to bald head" Death
loves shining mark.
WHAT is that which must play be-
fore it can workl A fire engine
In reaping wheat never take it by
the beard 1t is found to go against
the grain.
If Colts pistol has six barrels, how
many barrels ought horse pistol to
havel
WALL street calls small gold coin
".chicken feed"
NOTICE To sUIoIDEs-To jump into
the Mississippi is crime OF the
deepest die.
HAIR-pINs of thorns is the latest
Chattanooga novelty.
A pocToR's motto is supposed to be
Patients and long suffering"
AN eloquent speaker is like river
greatest at the mouth.
GRAVITY is no more evidence of wis
dom than paper collar is of shirt.
THE difference between a fisherman
and lazy school-boy is one bats his
hook and the other hates his book.
THERE were in 1776 fifty post offices
in the United States. There are now
twenty thousand.
"Mr Jones what makes the canary
sleep on one leg ? " 81 don't think
anybody makes him, my dear; l think
he does it of his own accord.
Mrs. Darlington says that since the
invention of the needle-gun there is no
reason why women should not fight as
well as men.
ILLNATURED acquaintance OF GER
tain Boston militia officer assert that
his sword was never drawn but once
and then in a rattle.
A CoNSECTICUT woman burns gas, as
it is cheaper than candles. Gas only
costs half cent foot, while tallow
dips cost five cents foot
VICTOR HUGO asked travelling Yam
kee 200, 900 francs for his house and
garden on the island of Guernsey. The
Yank mildly replied: "'Ugo to blazes. y
ONE of the neatest toasts ever given
q" Woman-the last word on our lips,
because it comes from the bottom of
our hearts.
A THIEF who lately broke open a
grocer's warehouse excused himself on
the plea that he only went to take tea.
DR.. CHAPLIN wittily remarked that in
trying to gain two seconds in getting
on and off trains, many men had Sc
cured widows their thirds.
"WE1L, what is it that causes the
sadness of the water Of the ocean r
inquired teacher of bright little
boy. . The Goldfish, replied the little
original.
THEN soldiers must be an awful
dishonest set, " said an old lady, " for
not a night comes that some sentry Is
not relieved of his watch"
A VENERABLE joke IN a new Dire IS (:
;" " hat return, Justlce cries,
Upon that writ for Smiths arrest 2"
The ready clerk at once replies,
It's written on the writ non est
" Non est. indeed Imagine if YOU can,
Joe Smith surprise when called an ones
mani"
BOYS, I'll tell you what let's do
let's go down to our house and play
carry in coal We got half ton this
morning. That's the way the Boston
boy entices his playmates into Difficult
ties.
The National Game" becomes ia
miliar to the youth of America ut al
early age. There is always a bawl IL
the nursery when the nurse brings the
pitcher and base in.
A CONNECTICUT countrymen said wheI
he saw bunch of bananas for The
first time, "I'H be burned if ther,
amt the biggest beans | ever see, SO
phrony."
AT the dinner of an Irish association
not long since, the following toast was
given Here's to the president of tn,
society, Patrick O'Ratlerty, and ma,
he live to eat the chicken that scratches
over his grave
SCENE, the English mining region
First collier loquitur-There's been /
foire explosion at Jackson's pit Sec
ond collier-Moy feyther WORKED
There, First collier-Oy, and he't
bowed a to pieces. Second collier
Boy gum, whoy, he's got moy poke
knife wi i'm
THE purest and sweetest Cod-Livel
Oil in the world is HAZARD & CAswELL' S
made on the sea shore, from fresh, Sc
iected livers, by CAswELL, HAZARD q
Co., New York. 1t is absolutely ]1ir,
and swee'. Patients who have one,
taken it prefer it TO all others Physi
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