Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-02-24
EIrllnOr,

Still life-a mute's.
Stuck up-show bills.
Lame conclusion-a sore foot
A good thing to bring the hair out-a
tomahawk.
Avoid debt-he that pays down, will not
be called upon to pay up.
When are soldiers like good fannsl?-
when they don't shrink.
The latest version-'eat, drink and be
merry, for o-morrow-you pay the bill
Why are birds melancholy in the morn
ing? Because their little bills are all over
dew
A school girls conundrum is: .'What
State is round Oh both ends and high in the
middle? Ohio.
Anna Story was recently married to Rob-
ert Short. A very pleasant way Of making
Story Short.
Idleness is hard work for those who are
ussd to it, and dull work for those who are
not.
Why is baby poor euchre player? Be-
cause it can't Ego Alone" cor course not,
when its mother "takes it up.')
Josh Billings says two old maids kissing
each other look like two Of aints trying to
strike fire.
Realities of life real estate, real money,
and real good dinner, none of which can
be realized without real hard work
A poor author is much like WORKOUT
printing press He may strive hard and
use much ink, but he will never make
good impression. G
Josh Billings says: "a man who starts
on the day of his marriage as first lieuten-
ant in his family, need never expect to be
promoted" .r
A story is told in Oregon about yonng
man who proposed in Sunday School that
"a committee of young ladies and gentlemen
be appointed to raise children for the Sab
bath School"
A remarkably hard drinker, who was
expiriny, begged one of his friends to bring
him goblet Of water, telliog him, "On
our death bed we mus, be reconciled to our
enemies"
Josh Billings says: The live man is like
little pig; he is weaned young, and be-
gins u root early. He is he peppersass Nv
creation, the allspice Nv the world. One
live man in village is lik acase Nv Itch
in district school he sets every body to
scratchin' az INST.
a quaint Vld gentleman, of an active,
stirring disposition. had IA man at work in
his garden WHO, was quite the reverse. e.
Jones'" said ne, ''did you ever see
snail?" "Certainly,' said Jones' "Thcn,"
said the old boy, you must have met him,
for you never could overtake him"
A young lady witha very pretty foot, but
rather large ankle, vent into San Fran
cisco shoe store to be measured Tn, admi-
ring clerk, who is of Gallo extraction, COM
pimented her in the following queer way:
Madam, you have one bootiul foot, but ze
legs commence too Immediately
An old sailor passing thre ugh graveyard
saw on one of the tosabstones, L still live
1t was too much for Jack, and shifting his
quid, he said:
We'll, Pve heard said that there are cases
IN which q man may lie; but if were dead,
I'd own it."
An Illinois saloon-keeper keeps a temper
ance pledge behind his ;ar, and encourages
his customers to give up drinking the vile
stuff that steals away their brains. But the
spelling of the beaut, of this thing is that
he only encourages to sign the pledge.
those customers that ask him to sscbalk It
down"
E'Hallo!' CALCULATED an anxious guardian
to his lovely neice. as he entered the parlor
and saw her in the arms Of swain who had
Just popped the question and sealed it with
smack, whats the time # dav now?"-
Il should think it was now about half past
twelve " was the Geld reply; syou see that
we are almost one
A Quaker gentleman, riding in carriagau
with fashionable lady decked with =
fusie n of jewelry, heard her sanG
cold Shivering in -