Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1871-08-10
Reading.
THE EDITORS GUESTS.
By WILL n CARLETON.

kpead before the Michigan Press Association at
recent session In Bay City.j
Editor sat in his sanctum, his countenance fur
rowed with care,
mind a. the DottoIn OF Duslness, MS leet al the
chsir-arm an elbow supporting, his right hand
unfolding his head,
eyes on his dusty old table, with different docu-
ments spread
are were thirty long pages from Howler, with
underlined capitals topped,
La short disquisition from GrOwler, requesting
his newspaper stopped;
ARC were lyrics from Gueher, the poet, concern
ing sweet fowrets and zephyrs,
Id stray gem from Plodder, the farmer, describ'
ing couple OF heifers;
ere we're bilets from beautiful maidens, and bills
from q grocer or two,
ID his best leader hitched to a letter, which In.
aured IL be wrote it, or who?
lere were raptures Of praises from writers OF the
smooth and melihuous school,
one of his rivals last papers, informing him he
was fool;
ere were several long resolutions, with names
telling who they were by,.
nopizing so e harmless old brother who hat
done nothing worse than to die;
ere were traps On That table to catch him, and
serpents to sting and to smite him;
ERE were gift enterprises to sell him, and biters
attempting to bite him;
Iere were long staring ''ads' from the city, and
money with never one,
bich added, please give this insertion, and send
In your Dill Wnen your
kere were letters from organizations-their
meetings, their wants and their laws
Itch said .Can You print this announcement for
the good Of our glorious cause?"
Ere were tickets inviting his presence to festivals
parties and shows,
apped in notes, with please give us notice. y
demurely slipped in at the close;
short, as his eye took the table, and ran DER its
nk-spattered trash,
Ire was nothing 1t did not encounter, excepting,
perhaps, it was cash.
Editor dreamily pondered on several ponder
Gus things
different lines of action, and the pulling of diff
On some equivocal doings, and some unequivo-
cal q ms;
how few of his numerous patrons were quietly
Il prompI paying ones;
friends who subscribed .just to help him." and
w0rdy encouragement lent,
had given him plenty of counsel, but never
had paid him a cent;
vinegar, kind-hearted people were feeding him
every hour,
o saw not the work they were doing, but won
dered that printers are souri,
several intelligent townsmen, whose kindness
"A was SO without stint
h they kept an eye out on his business, and told
u him just what he should print;
men who mad rendered him favors, and never
s pushed forward their claims.
T. l0Ig a. the paper was crowded with locals con-
VI tai1g their names;
4 uHous other small matters, sufficient his tenn
per to roll,
I'D finally cOntrived to be making the blood ofan
editor b0iI
ID so one could see that his feelings could hardly
y be said TO be smooth,
ID he needed some pleasant occurrence, his
wakened emotions TO soothe;
had it,; for 10, on the threshold, slow and re-
liable tread,
Farmer invaded the sanctum, and these are the
words that he said:
Good mornin, sir, Mr.. Printer how is your body
to-day?
y glad you're to home; for you fellers is al'ays
& runnln' away.
nr paper asst week want so spicy nor sharp as
i the one week before;
sp'ose when the campaign Is opened, you'll
Il be wh0opin' it up to EN- more.
1t fellow that's prlntin The Sn9dsher is goin'
for you pretty smart;
our folks said this mornin', at breakfast, they
= thought he was getting the start.
hushed 'eA right up in minute, and said q
good word for you:
bid EN- l believed you was tryin' to do just az
well as you know;
III told 'em that some one was sayin', and who
81 ever twas 1t ia so,
at You can't expect much of no one man, nor
blame him for what he don't know.
layin' aside pleasure for business, I've brought
you my little boy JIM
Thought would see If you couldn't make an
editor outen o. him.
family stock is increasin', while other folks
seem to run short
got right smart OF familY--it's one Of the
old fashioned sort:
eres Ichabod, Isaac and Israel, workin' away
on the farm
BY do bout as much as one good boy-and make
things go off like charm.
ere's Moses and Aaron are sly ones, and slip
like couple of eels;
they're tol'able steady in one thing-thsy al
avs git round to their meals.
ia v inVpnfin' fthOuVh m
vents can't see),
Joseph is studyin' medicine they're both
of 'em boardin' with me.
Pres Abram and Albert is married, each workia'
my farm for himself,
Sam smashed his nose at a shootin', and 30 he
is laid on the shelf.
rest of the boys all CROWN, 'cept this little
runt, which is jim;
l thought that perhaps I'd be maxim an editor
outen o. him.
amt no great shakes for to labor, though I've
labored with him good deal,
give him some strappin' good arguments /
know he couldn't help but to feel;
he's built out of econd-class timber, and
nothin' about him is big,
eptin' his appetite, only, and there he's az good
as pig.
yep him a-carryin luncheons, and film and
take him among the pertatoes, and set him to
then there's things to be dom a-helpin' the
women in doors;
res churnin' aud washin' Of dishes, and other
description of chores.
he don't take TO nothin' but victuals and he'll
never be much, I'm afraid,
thought it would be good notion to learn
him the editors trade.
body's too small for farmer, his judgment 10
rather too slim,
/ thought we perhaps could be maxim an
editor outen % him.
mint much to git up paper-it wouldn't take
him long for TO learn;
eculd feed the machine am thinkin', with |
some good strappin' fellows to turn.
Things that was once hard in dom is easy |
enough now to do;
Keep an eye on your machinery, and crack |
your arrangements right through.
Tor to wonder readin', and when 1t was
got up, an how;
us most OF it made by machinery can see 1t |
all plain enough now.
poetry, too IL constructed by machinery OF
different designs,
one with gauge and chopper to see to the
length of the lines:
near a New York cairvoyant Is runnin' one
SEEKER than grease,
a-rentin' her heaven-born productions at a
couple of dollars apiece;
nee the whole trade has grOwed easy, 'twould
De easy enough, I've within,
u was agreed, to maxim an editor Outen OF
Jim.n
Editor sat In his sanctum, and looked the old
man In the eye,
glanced at the grinning young hopeful, and
nournfully made his reply:
pr son small unbound edition Of Moses and
solomon both?
be compass his spirit with meekness, and