Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-04-08
Facts and Eamcaes.
A cereous matter-Bees-wax.
Switch tenders-hair pins.
A dead language--obituaries.

ON his boot with u kitten In 1t.
/" What is home without mother I"
as the young lady said when she sent
the old lady to chop wood.
A noble Roman being asked why he
had put away his wife, she being beau
tiful aud rich, he stretched forth his
foot, and showed his buskin. Is not
this" said he, handsome and cons
plete shoe yet no man but myself
knows where 1t pinches me-"
A poetical correspondent Of the Linn
erick Efaneimer having commenced
some passionate stanzas, addressed to
Miss Hays, with the words -
Sweet minstrel! let me hang upon thy lips, +"
kindly informs US in note that
the expression is put "purely metapho>
rical. Whata retiring young man
An Englishman observed stone roll
down a staircase Ii bumped on every
stair till it came to the bottom; there of
course il rested. " That stone," said
he, ''resemb,es the national debt of my
country; il has bumped on every grade
ofthe community, butts weight rests on
the lowest
"Ah, Eliza" said a Sunday. school
teacher. "you should not waste precious
time curling your hair; ii God intended
it to be curled he would curl it
f,r you" 'Indeed," said the witty
maid, 81 must differ with you; when |
was an infant, he curled it for me, but
now | am grown up, he thinks am
able to do it myself"
A young Scotch girl inquired of a
gentleman, in broad G;e.ic, the road TO
fremont House. He desired her to
follow lhim, and asked her how long since
she arrived from Scotland; Sax weeks
yer honor" On her arrival at destina>
tion, she very cody inquired: ''Noo, sir
wal We jast tell me hoo ye kenned | was
frae Soctlan %
A man of learning was complaining
to Voltaire that few followers relished
the beauties of SHAKESPEARE. Sir" re-
pied the wit, "bad Transitions torment
and vex them, aud prevent them under
standing your great draniatist A blind.
sir, cannot perceive the beauties of the
rose /; he only picks his fingers with tie
thorns."
4 servant girl, the other day, hear
ing that certain advertiser would be
happy to give the character of any
person on the receipt of lock of hair
and 80 many postage stamps, actually
cut off her fuest curls and seat them
through the post, with request that
he would give her such character as
would enable her to get better pace
than the Que she had.
A lecturer at Preston on the English |
language, Mr. j. g. Cope. spoke of |
sem de Saxonising tendencies The |
,ffection of Greek and French termin-
ology had attained a nauseous extreme;
we were killed with ennni, we wanted |
distingue. We dressed d Ia
mode, aud so on. Then, as to Greek |
names; and more dignfied sort of hnr,
dy .eurdy was embalmed in the pompons
appclIation of gastrodiaptaaic.
A little boy named Knight, who re-
Gently entered a mission school New
London, was told by his teacher that he
must be good boy, aud when he died |
he would 90 to Heaven. The little fel |
low was pleased with the prospect, and
promised to be the best kind of a boy
The next Sunday he appeared in his
place, looking sorrowful. aud the teach
er asked him if he had been good boy.
: Yes" he replied, i've tried to be good,
but it's no use The boys say can't
go to Heaven if lam ever so good.
why do the boys say that" asked the
teacher. " They say" replied the boy
with the utmost simplicity, " there II
be no night there"
The BACHELOR juror IA gentle>
man who is rather given to story tell
ing, relates the following
When | was young man I spent
several years in the South, residing for
a while at Port Hudson on the Missis,
sippi River. A great deal of Litigation
was going on there about that time, and |
it was not always an easy matter to OBJ
tain jury. One day | was summons
ed to get excused.
On my name being called I informed
his honor, the Judge. that | was not. a
freeholder, and therefore not qualified
to serve.
II am stopping for the time being at
Port Hudson"
You board at the hotel / presume?'
II take my meals, but have rooms in
another part Of the town where lodge"
$50 you keep bachelors hall ~
"Yes, sir"
Chow long have you lived in that
manner 7"
''About six months"
II think you are qualified" gravely
remarked the Judge; for | have never
known man to keep bachelors hall tho
Innorth nf f;Yna NO., rama yuhn had mt