The Placer herald., 1871-01-14

Rochester, where the mare resided, to get
her. Be gorrs, whn got there l found
that the mare had met wild an accident lasht
summer which had crippled her for life, and
all she was fit for was breeding, as we had
no time nor agricultural utensils for breeding,
and didn't care to 60 into the business OF
breeding crippled colts. ltilegrarhed me cous-
in not to accept the Offer Then we put the
office up at auction, but divil the bid could
we get, barring an offer of forty
TICKEsT IN A CHICAGO LOTTERY,
SO when ovid Schenck came crying around
wild his carbuncle on his head, saying he had
been defeated for Congress by the villainous
copperheads of Ohio, me cousin thought il
would be an aisy way to get rid Of the ovid
divil, and the office too. Schenck said won
object he had in going there, was that there
was doctor in London that had great rep
utation for amputating carbuncles, and he
wanted to be operated on Another thing
he said if he died under the operation it
would be great consolation to have his
corpse brought home in Government ship,
and he could enjoy foine large
FUNERAL AT GOVERNMENT EXPENSE.
Taking all these charful proshpects into con-
sideratlon, me cousin concluded to let him 60
He says he hopes it will be the ind of Schenck
and the paple Of Ohio fale the same way.
wish yez would be afther sinding me a
dictionary. Sind one of the big illustrated
kind. Me cousin has got 80 he uses the
mosht illigant long india rubber words intirely
| axed him yesterday fhy he didn't appoint
Mishter Dana, of New York to some chape
office, to kape him quiet, wild his blowing
about me cousin in his paper, when me cousin
said he would have appointed Dana to the
Skedunk Post Office long since only for
his
TOTAL LACK OF ANCILLARY QUALITIES.
(Fhat the divil is thimN May be AMELIA
ry means "relative qualities, +" dunno. All
the resht Of US have got ancillary qualities
be the quantity. And especially Brigdet. Ye
had ought to see hers when she is dreshed
up for reception or funeral. Begorra they
shticlS out so ye could hang yer hat on them.
Me cousin Ulisses says Bird get is worth more
around the house than pig and COW, and
Gineral Dent combined Did YOU hare about
Misther Bowen the man from South Carolina
Arrah, sir, we have got him fhere the hair lie
short. le see, we had colored man elect
ed to Congress from South Carolina be a
little shtrategy in voting the nagcrs there tin
days. Well, this Bowen he came here and
towld me cousin that the nager was elected
by fraud, and he was going to contesht the
nag.r's safe. think he was going to do it
wId boot or something. Ne cousin thought
that it would be doing great injustice till the
colored population, so he had Bowen arrest
ed for committing forgery or Brighamry
or some such dishloyal thing wild woman
be marrying her while he hadn't killed his
other wife, nor got a divorce nor anything OF
that kind. Bowen thought it was moighty
singular if a loyal Republican had to be ar
rested for little thing like that, but me
cousin towld him that he mustn't take the
consequences, unless he gave up al claim to
the nager's safe. think he will be afther
backing out, whin me cousin will withdraw
the suit, and thin we will have the most
illigant shmell in Congress, wild all the ma
gers,
Yers, in want Of dictionary,
TERENCE McGRANT,
Assistant President