Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1871-01-27
An Extraordinary Speech, by an Extra
ordinary aan foalotped Bya slightIy
ExtraordInnry Reply. Reported ny
vivi.n. . 81


To The Editor Of the Wilningion Journal and
his associates Of the Press, Greeting
Sirs: Owing to one of those sim
gular natural phenomenon, so fire.
quently occurring and 80 constantly
battling explanation through the in
exorable limits IF finite imperfection, I,
Washington Jefferson Small, was born in,
and am now O resident of, the mean, OBJ
scure town of Stuckups Nor am the
first instance on record of fortunes freaks
in launching barks destined to override the
world from ports as unknown and insig-
nifcant. The little isle of Corsica pro-
dnced Napoleon Bonaparte Stratford-
upon Avon Il Shakespeare !; neither would
ever have been heard of but for their as
ISOLATION with these illustrious names
However. my lot has been cast in
Stuckups, have for many years been en-
gagged in eliminating the great questions
bearing remotely or directly npon her ma
terial prosperity.
The study of the profound science of
history, has taught Leo that the first grand
means OF Progress is Communication. OBJ
servation and experience are successful
teachers and influential agents, but com
muuication is the great source through
which knowledge and power are conveyed.
Why is it that Ethiopia SHORES. inertly
ignorant in her golden sands !? Why have
Persia and her Celestial neighbors dream
ed so long, and persistently preserved
pagodas and queens Why, but that the
throbbings Of electric life have not
yet made connection with them through
the medium of railroads and telegraphs ! |!
The whole world is now waking up 10 this
momentous truth; crowned heads and
sceptred hands, but lately assisted in cele-
brating the completion Of a new means of
communication between two great Seas Of
the Eastern hemisphere, and America has
stretched a belt OF railroad from one TO
the ther OF her engirdling oceans; and
yet, Notifying as it is to me, her most
devoted son. I must acknowledge that
Stuckups, my birthplace, has made no
move in keeping with the onward tenden-
cy of the times Full of sorrow at this
unprosperous apathy I, last Thursday,
called meeting of my fellow citizens for
the purpose of addressing them on this
s'upendous subject.
After the usual preliminaries 7, being
called to the chair, spoke rs follows Ger
6atins ct Hterdtim:
Friends and Fellow-Ciiizens-A I re-
view the chequered past of my existence,
glow of honest pride surges up to my
brow. feel the innate satisfaction of
having done we'll myself and having de-
scended from race of people that have
done well; or to speak in language you
can comprehend, friends, ''made money"
My grandfather, Slra, was a man after my
own style; Caeserlan in intellect, August
inian in bearing, and Brutus-h hike in patri-
Otlsm. He it was who led the North
Carolinians IN sortie not a hundred miles
from Stuckups, that so seriously crippled
the resources of Lord CORVALLIS that his
surrender at Yorktown was the legitimate
result. He it was who wounded Col. Tar
Teton at Ramsours Mill, not Colonel Will
liam Washington, as false rumor has re-
ported, and this, my honored ancestor, car
| ried TO his dying day bad big toe from
splinter, which entered his foot on that
| occasion in the infantry charge. Sirs
that same revolutionary blood bQils hot in
! these old Yiens at this moment I fought,
bled and died for Dixie was secession
ist, am a secessionist, and ready to
prove to you on the shortest notice, that
we had right to secede; that ours was a
de fdclO government; and that but for
some little oversight among the Commits
saries We would have accomplished a
grand design and founded an empire in
our Sunny Southland pre-eminent among
the nations!
Time would fail me, citizens, to
tell you how many soldiers put into the
service Of the Confederacy how many
thousands OF dollars I poured into the
national treasury how many furnishing
the last moment came, when Lees army
lay down their arms, was there and saw
1t done. and can testify how unwillingly
We put aside our bayonets
Fellow-cltizens, have lab0red for you
In labOrs not few and of these my lite
rary labors have not been the least. My
unpublished MSS. constitute a monument
of mental power, combining the analy teal
thought of Motley, the synthetic skill of
Prescott, and the descriptive genius of
Irving unpublished as yet, fellow citizens,
but destined, when given to the world, to
confer classical celebrity in our lovely
Stuckups, as the Eniede hallows the
memory of Mantioa Meantime it is not
meet that town for which such notoriety
is reserved. as ours will attain when I, her
author, publish my PHILOSOPHY" of Fry
ing Onions and "Logia of Legerdemain;''
my 'Finger-posts of Faith" and defence
of Dante" should continue destitute of
the means of egress to the outer world i
This is why have called you together,
my patriotic fellow citizens. wish to aid
you to build railroad, and am ready to
head the subscription with ten thousand
dollars know it is a vast sum, but as
am so much richer than any of you, am,
of course, expected to be liberal. It will
be necessary for you to charter a com
rany and elect presiden'. L know of no
individual so entirely eligible for that po-
sition as myself, in financial, literary and
practical point of view. Allow me, fellow
citizens. to urge the immediate adoption
of measures to this end 70
sat down amid b1edshLeeS silence. A
small man in spectacies, took the floor