The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-05-06


mp party TO go a-fshing." aud failed Now
he wants to be a nun -. Young lawyers are like
treasury notes, because they are legal tender,
and somewhat green. They are like mill-not
saw mill-because it takes ten of EN- to make
cent, and then sometimes they don't Accord.
ing TO bud Randall, of the Auror. CITY L,fs, all
the dogs at Aurora are named "Beemus" That,
done TO make EN- lively and keep the fieas away.
Don't it 49,. Lately Teutonie gentlemen lump.
cd oct of his buggy, on La Sale street, and see.
ing boy standing the sidewalk, said: Say,
poy yust geep leetle eye Oh dot horse" and
entered a store. The horse promptly ran away.
When the Deutscherman came out, discovering
the situation, he angrily exclaimed, Gunner
und bitten dond told you keep leetle eye
on dem horse, Amt 2" "Y,as," irawled the
boy, $50 did, till he ran around the corner out
OF sight !" 80. The other day fellow came into
= bank in a state of general lo9seness He look.
ed around, apparently little in doubt As to the
place, and said: "Sthic)Ay, c.n yo' give a
f,hielel!er cup of Coffee" On being greeted
with laugh he staggered out exclainiug This
Il
dIhicJain gov'msnt barber shop, and I.don't want
Shawn, bile my lights and liver if do !"....
THE Rpl5,ican advertised COW lost, and
the COW not having returned, desires some one
20 call her attention to It. 1t would be useless
to make any further effort to get her. The Re.
publican called her and she did not come A
cow that will not answer the call of her own calf
amt worth hunting for An old hummer was
seen standing psnsvely leaning against the
bridge over the side cut On Main street. contem-
plating 'he smoking embers OF the q, 900 bushels
OF corn burnt IN Rich .rdson's warehouse. Heav.
ing a deep drawn si1h and wipiay away a tear
he said, What pity, u wastin' ov so much
corn, and whish the same night hev been made
into whisky !" 'Jut' Harris, the we'll known
ex.city marshal. is at Chicago, on the Z. S. Court
jury. He wear suit of blue and cap, and is
mistaken everywhere he goes for Chicago
policeman. As be walks along he is hailed by
Pickpocket-, who offer to ''dvde sway" il hs
will keep shady, and men approach him and
shake bands Familiarity and leave wads of money
in his fist. telling him to keep num- and then
he hands the money b.ok with a virtuous look.
whss they refuse to take it, and 70 off remark.
ing, He. rather green for policeman, but will
soon learn Then be Ia, to answer all sorts of
questions, and enGe forgot himself, when asked
something about al ordinance, and from force of
habit drew from his pocket a copy OF the revised
oroinsnres 81 me city OF Ottawa to explain to
woman whose pr; had been "pizsnsd' with
"a!risknin=' by a cantsnkerous neiyhbor He
even 80 f-r forgot himself tina, he arrested a
crowd Of i"~d,-- in fight, and nsbbed three
nsA ~hs we're g,rro,iay u stranger, much TO the
a''esi'ninent OF the real policemen, who never
10 such 'hing. IA -taunch democrat was
looking tor tomato plants, when the grocer told
him they wore new varietv-ths General
Grant, the democrat went away disgustei
DE said II hs wasted beet-, dead he,t.' at that
'Grnn.' would he the proper name :. Wood.
ward i Co. - Bloomington, Ill., send US ten
ssnrs, aenulss scrip. a. saaDle OF counterfeit
money they >rs .Sing, >sl which they Offer to
sell 1T heavy G!ss mt. We are obliged for the
~ eenn. Do - some uors, And We .hsn'r need
The countsr'-is money During the few fre
days rscen,ly, leave. on the trees grew out an
iAch or more, o., she GOLD weather Of the past
tsw days hsA IL de them look sorry. Our yvmp.
sum weeds put ont their leaves vivoroulv. but
discovering the situation, have prudently hauled
them In, While they-the weeds. are crawling
back into the ground. Verify a,yympsum weed
10 canning plant