davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-08-17
An Orchestral EXnerience.

A correspondent of the st. Louis Re
publican tells this droll story:
| 1 was an orchestra once, for ten min
utes, and afforded great satisfaction.
Let me tell YOU about it. It was in Troy
some years ago. Mrs. Waller, the noted
tragedienne, was playing that child Of
the Dismal Swamp, the Duchess OF
Mal6l," and dark and desperate piece
it is. After series OF awful disasters,
the unhappy duchess very properly goes
out of her head. She is confined in u
madhouse, and one act Of the play trans
pires in this madhouse; and during en-
tire scenes the groans and cries OF the
demented are heard outside.
To do this accompaniment in shape,
the manager had the orchestra, all able
bodied Dutchmen, who were usually III
the music-room playing penny-ante
when not "rung in, at this mad juno
ture gathered in the green-room under
the stage. A hole was bored in the cell
ing above, and string attached to the
prompter's desk was depended through
it. In solemn conclave sat the Dutch
men--one with the string in his hand
and as the prompter tugged it above
each one for himself sent up a dismal
howl that lifted the hairs of the listeners
in front. One night during the Duchess
OF Malfil run, I strayed into the green
room and enjoyed the wild-beast show,
as L called the bowling musicians Be
tween one batch of howls and another
quite an interval occurred. During this
interval one by one the sufferers dropped
out. 1 was perched under a gas-light,
deep in some novel of that period, when
the string commenced to wiggle violent
ly. ALI the demented were gone, the
walls of the damned were expected;
let one or two awful shrieks, thinking it
might help 'em up stairs, or bring the
stray howlers back on duty.
One pair of lungs wasn't enough; the
string kept thrashing up and down, when
my eyes lit on the biggest brass tooter l
ever saw, left by one of the renegades.
No sooner seen than tackled it. lost
sight of the string, l lost the power of
hearing with my first blast. Mrs. Wal
Ter said, as she knelt on the stage above
me: "Hark ! hear ye not, how signing
On the wind comes the wall of the lost
spirits?" She paused for the wall /; 1
did my level best, and lifted her six
inches off the boards with my first blast
That seemed to inspire me. Ignored
the stops that might have cramped my
great achievement, but bidding farewell
to all my fears of ruptured blood-vessels
or total deafness, or future punishment,
let out that which was most within me
and have never had stomach-ache
since. But the audience-they roared,
and the manager cursed, and Mrs Wal
ler flew down the green-room stairs.
There was, absorbed in my tremendous
performance, oblivious Of all beside the
success of my musical efforts. The man
ner in which my orchestral essay was re-
ceived, closed my career as female
wind instrumentalist.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-08-17

Penetrating to the source of disease in
the secretions and the circulation, regu-
lating every organ, and bracing every
nerve and fibre of the body, DR.. WALK
ER's VINEGAR BITTERs are effecting the
most astonishing cures of Indigestion,
biliousness, nervous weakness, rheuma-
tism, scrofulous disorders, and chronic
constipation, that the world has ever
witnessed. f....... $780,.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-08-17

One of our resident oil princes was
much disappointed yesterday at not re-
ceiving diamond he had ordered from
New York. He afterwards learned that
the platform car on which it was shipped
had been switched off on to side track
at Cory, and it will be some days before
it viii be hauled down to this city.-Ti-
tusvlie He7Gld. i1 H.I'..r.. 'r.f-
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-08-17

At this season of the year, cramps and
pains in the stomach and bowels, dysen-
terry, diarrhna, Sc, are quite common,
and should be checked at once. John
sons Anodyne Liniment is the best article
that can be used in all such cases, and
should be kept in every family.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-08-17

A correspondent of an agricultural
paper asks :" Where can wool be profit
ably grown ?" We are of the opinion
that there is no place where it can more
be grown than on the back of sheep
L0uiSDiLLe Journal.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-08-17

Great harm and discomfort is caused
by the use of purgatiTes which gripe and
rack the system. Parsons PurgGtioe
Pills are free from all impure matter, and
are mild and health-giving in their ope-
ration.r H...
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-08-17

Florida Furnishes her criminals by a
prison. diet of ham and eggs. They
have to turn out the military three or
four times a week to keep the outsiders
from breaking into the penitentiary.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-08-17

Corey's Hygiene Btters and Tar Pills cure
all diseases.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-08-17
!nteIIiuent Men or Women

PERMANENTLY LOCATED IN DESIRABLE
Il localities, secure pleasant honorable, and
profitable employment, by addressing BUSINESS,
Box 396, Middletown Orange County, N. Y.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-08-17
WHITE WOMEN oAPTIYEs.

The Cheyennes had two white women
with them as prisoners-one, a Mrs.
Bowman, aged about 30 years, from
about Guadalupe Mountains, in Texas.
He was unable to ascertain the circum-
stances attending her capture. The other
was good-looking woman. aged about
IS, named Miss Emma Bailey. She,too,
was from Texas. These captives were
treated well. The Cheyennes were well
mounted and armed.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-08-17
ApVERTESEM ERTs

CoREY's HYGIENE BI1TERs AND TAR PILLS CURE
~ ALL DISEASES.
Id ENT, GOODNOW & CO., Boston, Mass, pub.
Id lisl THE PATENT STAR" sell Patents and
give profitable agencies to canvassers.
SnO Agents Wanted to sell the beautiful Pho
COU tograph Marriage Certificates. For
terms send stamp 10 Crider & Bro Pubs, OTk, Pa.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-08-17
suLTANA's OINTMENT.

An entirely new and wonderfully successful pre-
paration for beautifying the complexion and i'm
proving the form. Every lady and gentleman af-
flicted with impurities of complexion, or defcien-
cies of form, should procure and use it. Guaran-
teed as represented, or no pay. Circulars giving
full particulars mailed on receipt of address and
postage stamp. Address CORSOR d CO.,
Port Jervis, N. Y.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-08-17

SOUTHERN FARMS IN ALL SECTIONS.
- Colony forming North Carolina directory,
National Migration Bureau, of which Hon. Horace
Greeley is President. Send stamp for circular.
COLUMBIAN SOUTHERN LAND AGENCY,
80 Park Row, New York.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-08-17

Mote The following was composed and sent ma
by alittle ghl only twelve years Old-ED.l
What little Ettie," of Herkimer Co, N " has
to say about the young ladies-how they sack"
their gallants for not using
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-10-07
Harvesting Hay Early

In 1853 the hay crop ia the United
States amounted to l9l29,l-S tons,
worth at least $I9l, 99l,2S0. Eleven
years has Increased this by at least
one-third, so that the crop in 1870
was at least 100000 tons, worth
R3OO,OO000O, Making y low esti-
mate, one-sixtconth Of the value OF
tLis crop is lost by late cutting, And
vet the practice so costly is surprising
iy common. We're argument necessary
to convince farmers of their mistake
and loss, attention might be called to
that wonderful and most suggestive
provision of Providence that in al
most if bot all sections OF the world
where cattle depend upon wild grass
for winter as well IS summer iord,
sudden and great heat and Il c. .as-
pondiug dry atmosphere combine to
change the grass into what CiyiliZa-
ton calls hay while in iullness OF its
growth and always before its MATURE
Iy; aud thus it is that when for
months not a green thing is eaten by
the herds of rowing animals, they are
found to be in better flesh at the end
than in the beginning, Ii the grass
reaches completeness in its growth
and seeding before being dried, cattle
eating it would die o~fstaryation rath-
er than thrive.
Science as well as observation de-
monstrates the necessity of an early
hay harvest. Grass is the natural
food for animals, and before the plant
reaches its maturity it contains all
the elements needed to make a per-
feet ailment in the best possible COM
bination and in the best possible pro-
portion. Atterward the nature Of
the plant changes, and reproduction,
not force-if we may put in this
phrase-becomes the ultimate object
If, therefore, farmers would secure
the best and most valuable hay CROP,
grass should be cut while the seed
vessels are forming, and never after
they are formed. Having, therefore,
should be commenced on the average,
ten days earlier than it is. There
may be a little loss at the beginning
in bulk, possibly in the weight, in
consequence Of the immaturity ofthe
crop; but the loss would be none at
the end, by the change III the lature
of the plant from a juicy, saccharine
combination into something that acts
simply as a stiff, horny holder for the
vessel containing the matured seed.
". Y Farmers Club.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-10-07

LAWYERS make q point Of cross.
questioning witnesses in a merciless
manner. Sometimes, however, the
former get the worst of ii.
William look, who made you p
demanded q learned counsellor.
William, who was considered a
fool, screwed up his face, and, look
ing thoughtful and somewhat bewil-
dcred, replied:
"Moses, / s'spose."
"That viii do" said the counsellor,
addressing the court. "The witness
says be supposes that Moses made
him that is all intelligent answer
more than l thought him capable OF
giving for it shows that he has some
faint idea of scripture. l submit that
is not sufficient 10 entitle him to be
sw orn as a witness capable Of giving
evidence.
Mister judge" said the fool, "may
I Ak the lawyer a question:"
Certainly" said the judge.
We'll then, mister lawyer, who
dye s'pose made your"
Aaron, / s'po9e," said the lawyer,
initiating the witness.
After the mirth had somewhat
subsided, the witness drawled out
"Wa'al, meow, we do read in the
Book that Aaron once made q calf,
but who'd a thought the crittcr'd got
in hereI"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-10-07
Putting in Wheat,

A crop of wheat is often half as
LARGE AS n should be, from the faulty
incarnation of the ground, Manure
and lime are supplied as abuudaatly
as NAV be, but the land is supplied in
such a manner that the surface water
isalwavs about the roots ofthe wheat
and the first frost heayCs out the
rlantS. It is too commonly the ca 'e
that fields are plowcd nom the out
side to the center, leaving, as the
consequence of a few years blowing,
a high bank around the fence, and a
hollow in the center of the field,
with four diagonal hollows meeting
there. This gives no chan3e for the
water 10 get away it lies and satu'-
ates the surface. Now let the field
be plowed in lands say II PAGES or
% feet wide; there will be a dead
furrow, causing drainage at least 3
inches deep at each OF these spaces,
which will bring the surtace-water
at least below the level of the roots
Va ,mV m.' ~ w-,otor.conrsc which
= Tu me- oTt ho ]snrrIns water and
IN n ,"il! 81 ~cor"oc,i"g fnrrow il
u! mig IA y, conI7otc5 oway
n."a po ala olt9cotLnr UoweyGr
,LVn' G = nav ha irantersons to nm.
Inr5rain ioGa in m,nw cases from
" ,''nt ogtL 'e n1coss,rr c%on;toI Il can.
ven n.,' NJ 49, 49,.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-10-07
BUH0RS OF THE DAf

A paper that takes--A shoril's
warrant.
Any two apples are alike if they
are, pared.
BEER fills many abottlc and the bot
tie many a bier.
Why was Eve not afraid Of the
measles because she'd Adam.
WHEN is a small fsh-pond like a
bird-cage ?-when there's aperch in it.
THE Boston Advertiser thinks the
proper way to serve a dinner is to
eat it.
WHEN q person declares that his
brainiS on fire, Is it etiquette to pillow
it out?
The fate of howers-To be blow
cd. Change for a sovereign--A re-
public.
In time the mulberry-trce becomes
a silk gown--and a silk gown be-
comes q woman.
A CHIPPEWA chief who visited
Chicago lately, pronounced the
weather "big hot"
WHEN is the most dangerous time
10 visit in the country " the
trees are shooting and the bullrushcs
cat,
Owing to nervousness at a railway
station, a lady crammed her wallet
into her mouth and emptied a lem
oAsde into her pocket.
A MAN is in no danger as long as
he makes love, but when he writes it
he is impaling himself on his own
pot-hooks most ~effectually.
ACLIENT remarked to his solicitor,
"You are writing my bill on vera
rough paper, sir" "Neve mindr J"
was the reply Of the latter, at has TO
be filed before it comes into court"
A SUMMER boarder "a very close
Calculator) recently astonished the
landlord by asking him how much
he was going TO deduct from his
board bill because he had had two
teeth extracted.
A DRAwIN-MAsTER, worrying his
pupil with contemptuous remaks up
oh his lack Of ability, ended by ask
iHg:"Now, sir, if you were going
to draw me, what part of me would
you commence first 2" The boy, with
a meaning look into his masters face
answered very quietly Your neck,
sir"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-10-07

PAYMENT OF SMALL BLLs.-The
payment of small bills, such as
newspaper subscriptions, is a matter
Of more importance than is usually
attached to it. There are not a few
who in times when business is a lit
Tic depressed, and the prospects of
the future seem more than usually
unsettled will not hold on to their
cash in hand, tell all collectors who
wait on them with overdue bills to
"cNll again." while the payment
would not give them any serious in.
convenience, and would accommo-
date a large and deserving class Of
creditors. Indeed, we know moth
ing that in a quiet way would 60 so
far to give animation to the markets
throughout the country as the uni
versal fulfillment of the obligation
at the first opportunity. If all the
little debts for the discharge OF
which the debtors now have on
hand, were paid at once, the w-cels
of business would be fabricated
and jollity soon prevail throughout
the land.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-10-07
Preparing Food for Mich Cows.

There is o great diversity Of opin-
ion in regard to the best method of
preparing food for mich cows, some
~contending for the old methods,
while a large number of others, OF
the most entcrprising kind offarmers
and dairymen, have come to the con
clusion that there is decided room for
improvement. The Country Gentle
man says:-Several correspondents
have lately inquired for the best food
to feed milch cows. We have seen
a recent statement, which appears to
be founded on correct practice, that
where n stcaming apparatus is at
command, the best feed is obtained
by cutting good, well-cured corn
stalks a quarter of an inch long, and
to steam this chopped materials with
beets or carrots cut fine, with an adj
dition Of one or two quarts Of wheat
shorts to every bushel.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-10-07

A Hen MATCHING AN EAGLE-Mr.
John D. Fries, of South Coventry
township, Pa, is trying the expert
ment of raising an eagle Matched by
a hen. The Pottstown Ledger gives
the following account:
"About o month ago, while on
Nyc's Hill, he saw a large bird fly
up from a lonely place among the
rocks. Proceeding to the spot, he
discovered two large eggs, OF nearly
the size and appearance of turkey
eggs, which he picked up, brought
home and placed under a setting hen.
About a week ago the eggs were
hatched OUT and Mr., Fries was as
tonished to find that, they were ca
giles. TheS Id hen must haye been
considerably Esurprised, too, for SIZE
spluttered about, and trampled upon
ono other rare progeny and killcdit.
The other one will probably grow
up and do wrll. Eagles sometimes
carry of chickens, and ii would be
rather of a joke if this specimen
would some day gather up the old
hen that hatchcd it and fly away
with her.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-10-07

INsANITY.-The London times
states that the 25th report ofthe Eng
fish Commissioners Of Lunacy for
the year 1901, reveals the fact that
in Great Britain the proportion of
insane persons to the general popu-
lation has been steadily increasing
within the last twenty years. In
1921 the ratio was lSG per thousand,
and in 1871 it is 2.49. This fact, it
Is argued, is one of terrible signfi-
canoe, as the loss Of reason is a caIam-
ity to be compared only with death.
A large number of cases of lunacy in
English asylums are known to be con-
genital or derived from parents and
this increase of mental disea,e forms
a strong argument for the advocates
Of the degeneracy of the human race.
This seemingly threatening symptom,
however, it is argued, is not as alarm.
ing as might be imagined, as a part
at least of the increase Of cases of in
sanity is due 10 the vigilance with
NllCll Ine law against the private
treatment of lunatics is enforced
The Commissioners, however, ex-
press the opinion that there are still
large numbers of insane persons in
England kept under private care, and
deprived of the benefits of periodical
inspection.
One great cause of the illegal con-
linement of lunatics in England, it is
stated, is the deficiency of accommoda.
ton for the insane of all classes, but
Especially ofpaupers. The two great
Metropolitan Pauper Asylums al
Hanwell and Colney Hatch, have for
many years been so overcrowded that
it has become necessary to send some
of the patients to country establish
ments, and last err as many as nine
hundred and six pauper lunatics from
the metropolitan districts of London
were boarded out in country asylums,
at a cost two-thirds greater than the
charges at COlney Hatch or Hanwell.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-10-07

BEES AND BEESWAN.-ln q meet
ing Of the agriculturists otSte. Gene,
We've, one ofthe gentlemen proposed
thc manufacture of artificial honey
combs from bees ak by an apparatus
invented by a skilful mechanic. The
benefit for the agriculturist would be
for each pound OF wax spent in pre-
senting combs to the beehives, thirty
pounds of honey produced in the
shortest possible time, There cannot
be he thinks, any extraordinary dill
Guilty for dicoveringthe machinery to
make artificial honey combs, so like
the combs of the bees that they would
be readily accepted by them as recep'
taclcs for their honey.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-10-07

AN old cOlored sister of Atlanta,
according to the Sun, thus accounts
for the recent destructive storm in
that city: ~ can jest tell you what
is de reason for all this hail and wind
md rain what de good Lord has
poured out upon us poor sinners-it
all coined of that Ice mersheen what
the white folks hab started in dis
town. lis agin matchmaking of
i%reazin cold ice here in de month of
July, and de good Lord is punishin'
us for tryin to be smarter dan he is.
lie don't make ice in de summer time,
and when poor sinful man gets to 60
in agin de Lord, den he's SURF 10 pun
iSh EN- with storms OF hail and rain
aud wind and tarrifying fevers-brcas
de Lord"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-10-07

A PRIZE FARM.-An English paper
gives an account ola farm which took
the first prize given by the Royal
Agricultural Society for the best cul-
tivated farm. 1t was a farm of 400
acres, devoted to pasture, grain, and
stock. The soil was originally poor,
but had keen much improved by
skillful treatment. Only four horses
were kept, yet such was the admira-
BILE system of management that they
were sufficient for the cultivation nee
essary for seventy acres of wheat, the
same of barley ard turnips, besides
some oats and beans. The produce
sold was 30 three-year-old steers and
200 fat sheep-all raised on the farm ;
2,450 bushels Of wheat and 1890 BUSH
els of barley, which realized $l5,S95 ;
besides other produce, as pork, wool,
butter, cheese, etc, Early in July the
turnips nearly covered the ground,
and on p acres of them the examin-
ers saw no WeedS; in fact the whole
farm was perfectly free from ,hem,-
Twenty tons Of guano, bone-dust, etc.
were used each year. The farmer
raS a lady! Have we, in the United
States such n farm and such a farm
CT?
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-10-07
T|HEILITTLE PEOPLE.

-
Now I lay me"-say It, darling,
Lay me- lisped the tiny lips
or my darling, kneelinE, bending
Ger her tiny finger lips.
Down to slecp"-"To sleep, 4" she muir
INJURED,
II pray the Lord, ~ gently added
You can say It all, I know"
Pray the L~Ord"-the words miutly:
Fainter still, My soul to keep
Then the tired head fairly nodded,
and the child was fast asleep.
hut tho dewey eyes half opened,
when ! ClaSpcd her to my breast
And the dear voice softly whispered
Mamma, God knows all the rest.
A school-boy being asked how the
weeping willow came to be called
by that name, said, "Causc one of
the meal plaguey things grew near
The school-house and supplied the
Mastcr with switches"
4 little boy having broken his
rocking-horse the day it was bought,
his mother began to rebukc him and
to threaten to box his cara. lie ST.
lcrced her by inquiring: What is
tie good of boss till it's broke!'
The fag end of a quarrel, Stern
parent "Leave off that noise direc-
tly, Jack, you naughty boy! It's all
over now, and Bertha's left off cry
ing these ten minutes" Jack
"B-B-Bertha began crying before
did! Boo hoo![Punch.
a three year old, contemplating a
favorite COW, asked her mother
"what daisy done with her cud when
she was done with it?" The puz-
zled parent did not know. "0h, l
know" said the little one; "she
gives it to papa, and he keeps it in
his chcek!'
Goyerness-"Now, May, you've
got two things to look after May
(who is eminently practical)-"All
right; handbook and carpet-bag!'
Governess-"And you've three
things to take care of Charlie. Now
what are they 2" Charlie "a dreamy
and absent boy)-"Three things to
take care of" O! O! Yes! The
world, the flesh and the D.
Punch.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-10-07
The Sunbeam.

The greatest OF physical parajoXcs
is the sunbeam. 1t is the most potent
and versatile force we have, and yet
it behaves itself like the gentlest aud
most accommodating. Nothing can
fall more softly or more silently up
on the earth than the rays of our
great luminary-nutcvc yer the feathcry
flakes of snow, which thread their
way through the atmosphere as il
they were too ilmy to yield to the
demands of gravity, ike grossor
things. The most delicate slip Of
gold-leaf, exposed as a target to the
suns shaits, is not stirred to the cx-
tent offs hair, though an infants faint
est breath would set it into the tremu-
lous motion. The tcnderest of hui
man organs-the apple of the eye
though pierced and bufletted each day
by thousands of sunbeams, suffers no
pain during the process, but rejoiccs
in their sweetness, and blesses the
useful light. Yet a few Of those rays,
|luSlludllHS lu|CllcCINCS 4utO u mass
of iron, like the Britannia Tubular
Bridge, will compel the close-knit
particles 10 separate, and will move
the whole enormous fabric with as
much case as a giant would stir a
straw. The play Of those beams up
on our sheets of water lifts up layer
after layer into the atmosphere, and
hoists whole rivers from their beds,
only to drop them again in SHOWS up
on the hills, Or in fattening showers
upon the plains.
Let but the air drink in a little
more sunshine at one place than an
other, and out of it springs the tenn
pest of the hurricane, which DESC
lates a whole region in its lunatic
wrath. The marvel is that a power
which is capable of assuming such a
diversity of forms, and producing
such stupenduous results, should
come to us in so gentle, so peaceful,
and so unpretentious n guise,-BoS-
ton Journal Of Chemistry.