Worcester daily spy. [volume] (Worcester [Mass.]) 1850-1888, 1871-08-14
A New Beecher Church.


| edifice, IL would be projected Oh the sahe olu
| pattern, and be like pretty much all tne other
| churches in the country and so would natur-
allv mention it MS a new Presbyterian church, or
a new Methodist, or a new Baptist, and never
think of calling it by the pastors name; but
when a Beecher projects church, that ediiice is
necessarily going to be something entirely fresh
and original Ii is not going to be like any
other church in the world; it is going to be as
yariegated, eccentric and marked with as pecu-
liar and striking an individuality as Beecher
himself; it is going to have deal more Beecher
| in it than any one narrow creed can dt in it
without rafting, or any one arbitrary order or
| architecture can symmetrically enclose and
cover. Consequently, to call it Congregation
al church would not give half an idea of the
thing. There is only one word broad enough
and deep enough to take in the whole affair and
express it clearly, LUMINOSITY and concisely-
and that is Beecher The projected editice am
about to speak of is, therefore, properly named
in my caption as new Beecher church.
The protector is Rev. Thomas X Beecher-
brother of the other one, of course-l never
knew but one Beecher that wasn't and he was a
nephew. The new church is to be built IN Ell
mira, N. Y, where Mr.. Beecher has been preach
| ing TO one and the same congregation tor tue
past sixteen years, and is thoroughly esteemed
and beloved by his people. | have had an OPP
portunity TO hear all about the new church, for
/ have lately been visiting in Elmira.
Now, when one has that disease which give its
| U
| oath to his statements, else the public will not
| believe him. Therefore | make solemn oath that
what am going to tell about the new church is
| the strict truth.
The main building-for there are to be three,
maSsed together in a large grassy square, orna-
mented with quite forest of shade trees-will
be the church proper. II will be lofty, in order
to secure good air and ventilation. The audi
torium will be circular-an amphitheatre, after
the ordinary pattern Of an opera house, without
galleries 1t is to seat thousand persons. On
one side Tor end If you choose) will be an ample
raised platform for the minister, the rear half of
which will be occupied by the organ and the
choir. Before the minister will be the amphi-
theatre of pewS, the first thirty or forty on the
level floor, and the next rising in graduated tiers
to the walls. The seats on the level floor will
be occupied by the aged and intirm, who can
enter the church through a hall under the
speakers platform without climbing any stairs.
The people occupying the raised tiers will enter
by dozen doors opening into the church from
lobby like an opera house lobby, and descend
the various aisles to their places. In case of
fire or earthquakes, these numerous exits will
be convenient and useful.
No space is to be wasted. Under the raised
tiers of pews are to he stalls for horses and
carriages, SO that these may be sheltered from
sun and rain. There will be twenty.four of
these stalls, each stall to be entered by an arch
of ornamental masonry-no doors to open or
church will have formidable porthOled look,
like man.of-war. The stalls are to be so
mailed with "deadeners," and so thoroughly
pastsred, that neither sound nor smell can
ascend to the church and offend the worship
pers, The horses will be in attendance at
church but an hour or two at a time, of course,
and can de6le the stalls but little; an imme-
diate cleansing after they leave is to set that all
right again.
There is TO be no steeple on the church
merely because no practical use can be made
of it.
There is to be no bell, because any ignoramus
knows what time church service begins without
that exasperating nuisance. In explanation of
this remark, | will state that at home suffer in
the vicinity and under the distracting clangor
of thirteen church bells, all of whom lis that
rightly clamOr at once, and no two in accord.
large part of my most valuable time is taken
up in devising cruel and unusual suferings, and
in fancy, inflicting them on those bell ringers,
and having good time.
The second building is to be less lofty than the
church; it is to be built right against the rear
of it, and communicate with it by door. 1t is
to have two stories. On the first floor will be
three distinct Sunday school rooms-al large,
but one considerably larger than the other two.
The Sunday school connected with Mr.. Beech
er's church has always been graded one,
and each department singularly thorough in its
grade of instruction; the pupil wins his adj
yancement to the higher grades by hard won
proficiency, not by mere added years. The
largest of the three compartments will be used
as the main Sunday school room, and for the
week day evening lecture.
The whole upper story of this large building
will be well lighted and ventilated, and occupied
wholly as play room for the children of the
church, and ii will stand open and welcome to
them through all the week days. They can fill it
with their playthings if they choose and besides,
it will be furnished with dumb bells, swings,
rocking horses, and all such matters as children
delight in. The idea is to make child look
upon a church as only another home, and
sunny one, rather than as a dismal exile or
prison.
The third building will be less lofty than the
| second; it will adjoin the rear Of the second,
| and communicate with it by door or doors. 1t
Will consist of three stories. Like the other two
| buildings it will cover considerable ground. On
the first floor will be the "church parlors,"
where the usual social gatherings of modern
congregations are held. On the same floor and
opening in the parlors, will be reception room,
and also circulating ibrary-a free library
not simply free to the church membership, but
to everybody, just as the present library Of MIR.
Beecher's church land few libraries are more eX-
tensiyely and more diligently and gratefully
used than this one). Also, on this floor, and
communicating with the parlors, will be-tell
it not in Gath, publish it not in Askalon six
bath ro0ms!-hot and cold water-free tickets
the congregation The idea is sound and sensi-
BILE, for this reason: Many members of all con-
gregatons have no good bathing facilities and
are not able to pay for them at the barbershopS
without feeling the expense; andyet aluKurious
bath is thing that all civilized beings greatly
enjoy and derive healthful benefit from. The
church buildings are to be heated by steam, and
consequently the waste steam can be very jul
diciously utilized in the proposed bath room.
In speaking Of this bath room project, have
revealed a state secret; bat | never could keep
one of any kind, state or otherwise. Even the
congregation were not to know Of this matter;
the building committee was to leave it unmen-
toned in their report; but got hold Of it-and
from a member of that committee, tOo-and
had rather part with one of my hind legs than
keep still about it. The hath rooms are unques-
tionably to be built, and so why not tell it?
In the second story of this third building will
be the permanent home of the church mis-
sionary," lady who constantly looks after the
poor and sick of the church; also set of lodg-
ing and living rooms for the janitOrs Tor jani-
tresSes (?) for they will be women, Mr.. Beecher
holding that women are tidier and more efficient
in such position than men, and that they
ought to dwell upon the premises and give them
their undivided care;) also, on this second floor
are to be six rooms to do duty as a church in
Urinary for the sick and poor Of the congrega-
ton, this church having always supported and
taken care of its own unfortunateS, instead of
leaNlUB IHeul W puulC III Lue III
Urinary will be kept one or two water-beds flor
invalids whose pains will not allow them to lie
on less yielding substance) and half dozen
reclining invalid chairs on wheels. The water
beds and invalid chairs at present belonging TO
the church are always in demand, and never out
of service. Part of the appurtenances of the
new church will be horse and a new vehicle,
to he kept and driven by janitor, and used
wholly for giving the church's INDECENT invalds
air and exercise. 1t is found that such an es-
Establishment is daily needed-so much SO, in
deed, as to almost amount to a church neces-
sity.
The third story of the third building is to be
occupied as the church kitchen, and it is sensi-
bly, placed aloft so that the ascending and
boarding house smell shall go up and ag-
gravate the birds instead of the saints-ex-
cept such of the latter as are above the clouds
and they can easily keep out of the way of it,
no doubt. Dumb walters will carry the food
down to the church parlors instead of up.
Why is it that nobody has thought of the
simple wisdom of this arrangement before?
Is it for a church to step forward and tell how
to get rid of kitchen smells and nOises2 If it
be asked why the new church will need
kitchen, remind the reader of the indrmary
occupants, etc. They must eat; and beside,
social gatherings of members of this congrega-
ton meet at the church parlors as often as three
or four evenings a week, and sew, drink tea,
and G.. -g. II commences with e. think
Il Al. E