Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-11-18
E'Ncas saHsGa aTaa2cEes.

j
to it-Rheumatism.
The best band to accompany q lady
vocalist-A husband.
A wonderful aerel phenomenon--A
flight Of stairs.
"The wlfe's secret" her opinion Of
her husband.
How to make time go fast--use the
spar of the moment.
Marrying "a woman for her beauty is
like eating nightingale Tor its slug
ing.
Why is a hen walking, like con-
Spiracy ?--Because it is foul proceed
ing.
Laws, like sausages, cease to inspire
respect in proportion as we know how
they are made.
An apothccary sent in a bill to
widow which ran thus: q To curing
your husband till he died"
Grandma" said shrewd child, do
you want some candy 20 "I es, dear
should like some" Then if you'll bay
some | will give you half" said Polly
What is the difference between a
chicken with wing and one without
wing ?-There is a difference OF PIN
ion (opinion).
One asked his friend why he mar
ried so small wife "Why," said he,
. | thought You knew that Of all evils
we should choose the least"
A thrifty citizen of Lewiston, Me-,
saved a dollar the other day by un>
screwing aud returning the handles Of
his wife 5 coffin.
Many young ladies are accused of
wearing their engagement rings in
their pockets except when be is
around
4 prominent journalist in New York
who is perfectly bald, has offered re-
ward Of 81 900 for tale that will make
his hair stand on end.
A private in the army recently
sent letter to his sweetheart, closing
with: " May heaven cherish and keep
you from yours truly John Smith" !"
\ clergyman gave the following toast
that was very gallant. at Il late tireman's
celebration: Our fire engines may
they be like old maids sever ready, but
never wanted
y young lady in Iowa tried to poison
herself for love, and was given salts in
stead of arsenic by her negro nurse.
vino told the Dr. Bless your life,
kuowed bow to pizen the foolish gal.
\ gentleman once met very quiet
newsboy selling newspapers . Is there
any news p enquired the gentleman,
Lots o news, replied the boy, but
nothin' to boiler
\ Cincinnati widow advertised for
"cvery Christian in the city to send
her ten cents She realized 20 cents,
indicatin. an unexpectedly large nuns
Der Of Christians in that city.
"Shon," said a Dutchman, "you may
say what you please pout pad neigh~
bours !; have te vost neighbours as
never was. Mine pigs and mine heus
como home mid dere ears split, aud
fodder day two of them come home
mtssing."
A Tcrrc Haute paper makes this in
terestng statement '.!f the party
who plays the atcordeon in this vicin-
ity ut night, will only change his tune
occasionally, or sit where we can scald
him when the engine has steam on, he
will hear of something to his advan
tage.
"Cuffce, what do you t'ink am de
mos useful OBJ dc planets-dc sun or de
moon z" well, Sambo, t'ink de
moon ortcr take de first rank in dat ar
ticle." Why you t'nk so, CufIee 2"
g Well, | tell you; kase de moon shines
by night when We want light, and de
sun by day when we don't' -
A merchant who had failed in busi>
ness held the following consultation
with his clock You" said he, /" are
mechanical affair, while | have the
principal action in myself" Very
true," replied the clock but, when
you wind up your affairs, you stop bus
mess whan my affairs are wound up,
| go the longer"
A gentleman was describing to Doug
las Jerrold the story Of his courtship
and marriage--how bis wife had been
brought up in convent and was on the
e 20 k,rr. tho r,n;l ,.,Lo., =. ..-..a