The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-08-19
Sensational.

Sensation has become emphatically the order
OF the day. The causes OF this all pervadiHg
sensation differ in different localities. In one
place it il caused by the monstrous destruction
of human life by the frequent storms of thunder,
wind, rain and hail, the like of which is not re-
membered by the oldest inhabitsnt. Ia another
locality il ia caused BY equal, il not greater
destruction of the human race, by railroad col
lisions and steamboat explosions. Yet in other
places it is caused by the feared and dreaded APP
proach of that terrible scourge, the Asiatc
Cholera. Thus, dear readers, I might go on,
enunerating the various causes which produce
the present all.prevailiEg sensation til! I might
cap; but want of time and space compels me
to conclude this part of my subject by stating
only two more causes, to wit: The so-called
new departure causes great sensation among the
politicians in some qusrters-some beltsr1ng, and
Others hOping it will cause fatal split in the
democratic party, which would enable the legal
lied mob, which runs the government at pres
emf, to prolong their mal.administratlon for an
other four years. In conclusion, will now
state the cause of the great sensation in our own
locality. It is the great law suit now in pro-
gress between J. L. Mccormick and the "Peru
Ring" Be not alarmed, dear people, am not
about tn inlict upon You any facts argument.
speculations or big lies, for or against either Of
the parties in this great contest. l refrain from
so doing, because being an impartial and honest
man, l would net knowingly mislead the twelve
patient jurors who have already listened two
| weeks, and are likely to have to listen as much
longer, to host of witnesses who know Just a.
much about what they swear to as you and know
about mans future state of existence l refer to
this great suit only to illustrate the of the
great sensation here. Now let us suppose that
one party calls upon the stand Poor Cuss OF
witness who swears to something which the
other party considers important In due time
| this second party introduces half dozen or
more witnesses to impeach the testimony OF
| Poor Cuss. Let us examine these witnesses in
| regular order:
Court-Call witness No. I. Couusel-We ell,
Mr.. No. I, how long have you known Poor Cuss I?
| Oh, have known him several years can't say
| how many. Counsel-What is his character for
truth and veracty? Bad Counsel Would
you believe him under oath? No. Counsel
| Why would you not believe him? Because
| some years ago one of his brothers.in.law hired
me to pasture couple Of colts for him, and be
never paid me for it. Therefore, believe Poor
Cuss is just as bad as his brother.in.law. Coun.
sel-That's ALL Call witness No. 2.
| Counsel-Well, Mr.. No 2, how long have you
known Poor Cuss? Oh, several years. Counsel
We'll, what is his character Bad. Counsel
How long have you known him to be a bad
| character OILY since he testified in the pres
| emit case. Counsel-You think he then testified
falsely in this case Yes. Counsel--Do you
knop he testified falsely? Well, no, can't say
I knooo it; but feel confident. Counsel-Mr.
No. 2, are you interested in the present trial
N.n.no, yves. perhaps am slightly Coun-
sel-That's all. Call No. g.
| Counsel--Well, Mr. No. 8, how long have y0,t
Known Poor Cusss Many years. CONSUL
VIVA: is bis character for truth, &c. Very bad, sir
Counsel-How do you know it to be bad ? Be-
cause, sir, several years ago sold him stove,
and he never paid me for it, and he has lied to
me about it more than five hundred times
Therefore would not believe him under oath.
or not under OATH Counsel-Thats all. Call
witness No. 4.
| Well, Mr.. Four, how long have you known
this Poor Cuss. Oh, some dozen or more years.
Counse!-Have you been intimately acquainted
with him? Yes, STREE. Counsel-H so!
Sir, we run steam mill, we do, for the -. .o,a
Of grinding wheat, corn, rye, &c, and r. ,ng
time We employed Poor Cuss as frem. md
we believe, though we can't prore, that during
the whole time of his service with us Poor Cuss
STOLE from our mill, all the chicken feed that he
needed or used. Therefore, sir, would not DO.
lieve him under oath. No, Stree
The Cours-The clerk will announce this
Court adjourned till tomorrow morning. And
ii ,ras accordingly so done.
I shall endsavsr from day to day keep the dear
people posted in regard to our present momentous
sensation. shall do 80 without any desire to
please any fear Of offending, either of the par.
ties to this exciting contest
Respectfully. the friend Of the dear people,
Peru, Aug. 10. G-s.