Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1871-07-21
Tut.tt fur 3juiaurisfs

What kind of a fort is an effort?
Sleight of hand-Refusing an ''of
fer. A."
Half a Sovcreign-The Prince Of
Wales.
Pane,annihiIators - boys singing
stones.
Marine mcasurcment-the yard Of
4 ship.
The base ball clubs of course drink
from pitchers.
Ceurtship, like Canada, borders
on the United States.
How much cloth is required to
make = spirit-wrapper?
Some wag gets this of: Perpetu-
al motion-a dogs tail"
Misiltier than the sword-The pen.
Iitier yet-cheesc.
Is he? Because a farmer makes
rails Is he necessarily a railer?
Better. 1t is better for a man to
die without 4 will than against it.
Fashionable definition - What is
sin? Nothing that is net found out.
What is now styled beautiful
/ blonde, sa;s some fellow. once went
! BY the name Of TOW heaI."
\ contemporary ungallantly makes
the observation that the leading cham
/ pions of ''woman's rights are gem
orally found to be mans lcfts."
I The litor Of an eastern paper hav-
ing received a bank-note detector,
returns thanks, and modestiy asks for
some bank notes upon which to test
its accuracy,
A darkcy, left in charge OF a tcle-
graph Office while the operator went
to dinner, heard some one cali
over the wires. and began shouting.
DE operator isn't here" The noise
ceased.
John" said a father to his son
one day when he caught him shaving
the down off his upper lip, don
throw your shaving water out where
there are any bare footed boys. foI
they might get their feet pricked. +"
A Pennsylvania paper says bay-win.
dowS are ''all the a.c' in It's locali-
ty. One architect recently compile,
ted a design for a barn and a hen
house with six bay windows on each.
! Carpenters now contract only for bay
windows, and throw in the rest of the
house.
Two rustics came into a village tel
egraph office to send a dispatch. A.
they left the Office the gong of an ad.
iaccnt hotel sounded for tea. Where
upon one of the pair went into the
air several feet. eXclaiming. by Jc
rusalem there it goes, Jim p
Rev. Or. West. of New Bedford
once heard that his choir would refuse
to sing on the next Sunday. Whei
the day came he gave out the hymn
Come we who love the Lord" At
ter reading it through he looked u
very emphaticaliy at the choir. an,
said: You will begin at the sccon,
verse, "Let those refuse to sing VIII
+ never new our God" The choi
sang.
4 little four-year old remarked t,
her mamma on going to bed: Il an
not afraid of the dark" mo, o
course you are not" replied he
mamma, ''for it can't hurt you. -
but. mamma, | was little afraic
once, when l went to the pantry il
the dark to get cOokey." "Wha
were you afraid of?'' asked her nam
ma. Il was afraid l couldn't fine
the cookies
An old negro woman, in account.
ing for lack of discipline among
Youngsters. insists that it is because
their mothers wear CATERS. '.Yor
see, when we wore low shoes and the
chillun' wanted whippin', we JUS
took off a shoe mighty quick and gu,
'cm a good spankin' but now, how
a body to git gaiter off in time ?
So the chillun' gifts no whippin' al
all now a>days."
"You can't stand there" said 4
Waterman to 4 thin man in suit Of
rusty black. who was endeavoring tC
maintain a favorable position fol
viewing late fire: you mast come
down, sir. - 'Allow me to remain.
if you please; am a reporter, end
it is necessary that [ should see what
is going on" 4 don't care" re-
sponded the guardian if you want
a report Of it, you'll see it in all the
papers tomorrow.
1t is said that when Brigham Young
was asked the other day which son
he had at West Point, the conundrum
so staggered him that he was OBLIGED
to refer to the family record to solve
it. "Do they miss me at homer is
not much sung in that family.
SAKE says that Vermont is lannon's
for four staples. "mcn, women. ma
/ pie sugar and horses. The first are
strong. the LIST are feet. the second
and third are exceedingly sweet. and
all are uncommonly hard to beat"
a sea captain, being at a ball. who
had been accepted by a beautiful
partner, gho in the most delicate
manner possible. limited to him the
propriety orPutting on pair of gloves.
Oh was tie elegant reply. never
mind me, ma'am; | shall wash my
hands when | have done dancing.'
A law case which has puzzled two
learned courts in Ireland. lately, turn
cd on the identity of a narrot Two