Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1871-12-13
ALEXANDRIA GAZE

(FOr the Country,
Published Regularly on TUESDA rs, THURS
DA rs and 81 TURDA Us, at Sir Dollars pc
d7a"aura.
RoUGu HUMoR IN CALIFoRNIA-[ From the
San Francisco Chronicle. Not far from San
Jose lived an old lady whose frugahty had
verged so closely upon parsimony that she had
actually the reputation Of being misery. She
has son, whose wild habits, dissolute ways
and propensity for playing practical jokes will
some day lead to the galows or to editing da-
ly paper in San Jose. Next, but by no means
least, 10 the trio whose names will be passed
down to history through this receipt is worthy
representative of the fowery kingdom, named
All Skoot-the latter very fond of experiment.
Now to the facts Not long since party con-
sisting of bakers dozen of San Jose ladies'
visited the ranch where the old lady, by raising
chickens, keeps the wolf from the door, and
drops an occasional FIVE cent piece into the dea-
cons hat as he takes up the weekly contribu-
tion on Sunday. The ladies belonged to the
sewing circle, and the old lady determined
in the funess Of her heart to decapitate a
chicken, upon which these thirteen hungry
Christians were to dine. All Skoot received
his orders to that effect and Immediately re-
paired to the poultry yard to carry them into
to catch chicken in the day time was now the
difficult problem which exercised the brain Of
the Chinee About this time Jim, the old
lady son. hove in sight, and to All Skoot in
terrogatons answered in this wise: Now,
look here, Skoot, you jest git some corn, and
III go and git the gun, and ii tell you what
to do then.
The necessary articles were duy procured.
The hopeful James had loaded the gun plum
up to the muzze, and telling Skoot to throw
down some corn, about TWO hundred chickens
put in an appearance. Now the Chiuaman, as
before stated, Was quite fond Of experiments,
and reaching for the gun he took aim at no
BILE rooster, who, towering above the others IN
the pride Of his youth and roosterhood, was en-
tirely unsuspicous Of the coming storm 1t Is
perhaps needless to state that James immedi
atey ensconced himself behind large tree out
of harms way, About this time a report
which would have done credit to 24-pounder
aroused the folks in the house, who en- masse
rushed out to the scene of the slaughter. At
first nothing was visible but smoke and dust :;
next about two score of chickens were rising
and falling, hoping and squakng The ground
was strewn with the maugled remains of about
forty more while the remainder Of this once
interesting flock were making for nelghborlng
ranches to avoid another earthquake. But
what Of Ah Skoot? Did that mass of torn and
diShevelied rags resemble the once festive
youth whose delight had once been to expert
ment? 1t was he The kind ladies approach
ed him and tenderly, oh, so tenderly, raised
his head. They essayed to administer spiritual
consolation from an old black bottle which the
old lady had produced By-and-bye the dis
torted features showed signs Of animation,
seeing which the old lady said: Speak to
me, Skooty Oh, speak to mel John rails
ed his head and gave vent to the following:
'Speakee! Wassy mattee. speakce? More
brandy, more brandy! --too muchee
shooty!' 1t is perhaps unnecessary to add
that John is now in quest of another sltua ton.
THE HAYES WILL CAsE.-The Hawes will
case. lust concluded in San Francisco, deserves
to rank as cause cclebre. Horace Hawes,
testator, as an eccentric old man, who died
about year ago, leaving fortune OF more
than two millions, the bulk of which was de-
vised to found university. The site OF the
proposed building and grounds was fixed at
Mont Eagle, one of the choicest spots, In the
Santa Clara valley, where the deceased owned
a great estate. The university was to include
several colleges, in which variety ofinduStral
science were to be taught, great prominence
being given to that Of agriculture but the
whole fund was tied up with such ridiculous
provisos, stpulations and conditions as to Ee
practically valueless. The best lawyers were
of opinion that the property OF the erratlc tes-
tatOr would eventually 60 to his heirs, as pro
vided in his will, on account OF the inability OF
the State trustees to carry out the cumbrous
conditions with which the estate was burdened'
uawes had been an abusive husband as well as
a mser, and had unuaturally deprived his
wife and children of anything but the smallest
possible pitance from his great property. Mrs.
Hawes contested the will on the ground OF her
husbands insanity, and during the long trial
which has just closed, it was proved that the
deceased millionaire was, to use the mlldest ex-
preston, monomaniac, his chief anxiety be-
ing that of coming to poverty or dying by
poison. The jury decided in favor Of the WI
dow, who gains for herself and children
great fortune. The deceased miser, if he could
look back and see how his wire. drawn and com:
plicated will has Jared, would be ready to rend
the granite tomb in which he was carefully en-
closed according to his own express directions.
Horace Hawes was author OF the Registry
Laws of California, famous piece OF complex
legislation of which it was said that it could
be understood by no man but its framer, and
that he had forgotten how to construe it.
THE SILVER RULE. You all know the
golden rule DO unto others as you would
wish them to do unto YOU" Here is rule
which is almost part of the golden rule, put
which We will put by itself. and because OF Its
value, call it the Silver Rule" Think and say
all YOU can of the good qualities of others: for
get and keep silent concerning their bad quail
ties. You cannot conceive how much such a
course will tighten your own happiness, and
raise you in the esteem of your companions;
Did you ever think any more of boy or girl
because he or she found fault with others
Never call your schoolmates or playmatess ugly
or cross to their faces nor behind their backs
Ifthey are ugly, or stingy, or cross, it does not
make them better for you to talk or think about
it, while it makes you love to dwell upon the
faults of others, and causes your own, soul to
grow smaller, and become like the foul olrd q
that prefers carrion for food. Rather tell all
the good you can, aud try to tl,ink Of some good
nnalitv of your mates