The Lincoln County herald., 1871-10-19
HOW BEN PURTLE GOT HIS WIFE,

/ The very climax Of ugllness sss Bsr
Purtle. He Was red haired, and every
hair stood as II II cherished tho most su-
preme contempt for its next neighbor
His face was frecklcd us the most be
spotted turkey egg his nose supported
at the bridge huge bump, while the end
turned viciously 10 one side. His foru
was as uncouth as his face vac ugly
still, what was very strange, be bad O
most handsome, bouncing, blooming wife
such as only can be grown on o country
farm. "How the Deuce" said to Ben
one day, "did you ever get such wife
you uncouth, misshapen quintcsscnco Of
mostrosity ?" Ben was not at oil Of
Tended at the impudeuce Of my question,
aud forthwith proceeded thus o solve
the mystery:
mo gals, what's sensible, amt cotched
BY yo~r high,siusiu airs aud quality
drcssin' and cologne. You know that
Kate was always called the prettiest girl
In oil these ports, and all the fellows tried
to catch hor. l used TO 60 over to
Uucle Sammy's just to look on, you
know, and cast sleeps eyes at Kate, but
lord sakesl had no more idea that |
could get Kate than q jerusalem cricket
could hide iu the hair on old Sammy's
bald head. l couldn't help Jim on, and
my ears would burn, and my heart kind
o futter whenever would talk to Kate.
One day, when Kate sorto made fun Of
mo like, it almost killed me, sure.
went homo with something like . rock
jos'ling around in my breast, aud swore
Id hang myself with the FIRST pillow line
| found
"Oid you hang yourself2" l asked.
"No Daddy blazed off at me for not
taking old Ball to pasture in the morning
and scared me SO bad that forgot all
about it,"
"Go on" said I, seeing Bea pause with
apparent regret that he had not executed
his vow.
well, ono Sunday morning, I reckon
about a year after the hanging scrape, 1
got up and scraped my face with daddys
razor, and put on my new liusey coat and
copperas britches, nanny had dyed with
bark, and ixings and went over
to Uncle Sammys. Now Id got to
loving Kate by this time like all creation,
but Id never told any body about my
feelings. Well, when l got there, /
found Joe Sharp and his two els crs
was there. and that the order of the day
was to go muecadine hunting. Joe
Sharpe was flying around-'Miss Kate
this and Miss Kate 'tothor'-by and by
We care to nasty black, muddy slough
that we had to cross on log, and nothing
would do but that .Tna Sharp shonla lead
Miss Kate across. They got about half
way when in went . tarnation big bull
frog and in went Miss Kate to the waist
in tho nasty, black, muddy slough. Joe
ran backward and forward on the log,
following for pole to help her out. /
was in there and had her out in less than
no time. Joe Sharp came up and says,
Miss Kate, are you hurt2' Ny dander
was up and ( couldn't stand it. l just
caught him by tho seat of his white
trousers and the back Of bis coat collar
and gave him TOSS. May bs he didn't
20 clear under when he struck the
water. | didn't wait to sec him out.
Me and Kate struck right for the house.
By and by Kate says: Ben, just let me
hold on to your arm my knees feel sort
, weak | made tremendous effort to
'ay something nice, but cuss the luck, l
couldn't get my mouth of, no how. But
felt as strong a. an elephant, and
Helped Kate along. By.aud.by Kate
sys: Ben, that Joe Sharp is . good
or hing, snsakiug. oowardly nobody,
md if he puts bis head inside our house
gain I'll souss him with dirty water. |
urs. | made another tremendous effort
o get my mouth of, but. cuss the luck
'othing could l say. By ,and.by Kate
ays: Bon, l feel that you are nv pro.
setor, and believe daddy's about right
'hen be says you are worth oil the boys
a the nsighborhood.' made smother
tremendous effort to get my mouth of
nd out it popped sure snough-s.id I,
Kate it you are going to have me, just
~ 90. right straight up and down
late didn't say anything, but b. huug down
or head and kinder sighed. felt co
outraged said l, Kate if you ore going
have me just squesss my hand, and
hs squoss it, right straight. Great
eemeny, how did feel. l felt like q
'ream OF warm ssssafras tea sweeteued
ith molasses was running through my
ones. ! ootchsd her right around the
COX and kissed her square on the mouth,
nd she never tried the 6rst time 10 get
'ose. A... ...
"Old Sammy was mighty we'll pleased
bout the thing and 90 was the old wo
AN, and ws got married the next fall
ter the muscadius sersps.'
BARRIERS should frequently wash their
auds. A stranger. whose nose had