The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-07-28
JOSH BILLINGS ON FARMING.

nounce 1t bully.
Pharmin (now daze) is pretty mslch
all theory. and therefore it amt as
tonishing that man kan live in New
York and be good chancery law
yer, and also know about pharming.
A pharm (now daze) ov one hun
dred akers will produce more buck
wheat and pumkins, run on theory,
than it would sixty years ago, run on
manure and hard knoks.
There is nothing like book farming,
and the time will eventually come
when q man won't hav to hav only
one of "Josh Billings Farmers Al
manax" to run a pharm, or q kamp
meeting with.
Even now it amt unknown tew see
three or four men on pharm with
three or four spans of oxen all stand
ing still while the boss goes into the
library and reads himself up for the
days ploughing.
If was running a pharm (now
daze) I suppose I would rather have
thirty six bushels ov sum new breed
of patateze razed on theory, then tew
have eighty-four bushels got in the
mean, benighted and underhand way
ov our late lamented grandparents.
pharming, after all, is good deal
like the tavern bizzness; emmy body
thinks they kan keep q hotel (now
daze), and they kan, put this is the
way that poor hotels cum tew be so
plenty, and this is likewise what
makes pharming such easy and prof.
table bizzness.
Just take the theory out ov pharm-
ing, and there amt nothing left but
hard work and all fired lite krops.
When I see SO much pholks rushing
into theory pharming, az there is (now
daze), and so menny ov them rushing
out agin I think ov that remarkable
piece ov scripture which remarks,
enemy are called, but few are cho-
sen"
I onst took a pharm on shares
miself, and run her on some theorys,
and the thing figured up this way: 1
dun all the work, phurhished all the
seed and manure, had the ague for 8
months out of twelve, for mi share
ov the profits, and the other phellow
paid the taxes on the pharm for his
share.
By mutual konsent iquit the pharm
at the end ov the year.
What know about pharming amt
wuth braggin about, and feel it mi
duty to state, for the benefit ov mi
kreditors, that if they ever expekt
me tew pay five cents on a dollar,
they mustn't start me in the theoretical
pharmin employment.
IF a man really is anxious tew
make mummy on a pharm, the less
theory he lays in the better, and he
must do pretty much all the work his
self and support his family on what
he kant sell, and go ragged enuff all
the time tew hunt bees.
L kno ov menny pharmers who are
so affiikted with superstition that
they wont plant single bean only in
the last quarter ov the moon, and i
know others so pregnant with science
that they wont set gate post until
they have had the ground analised bi
sum professor of anatomy tew see if
the earth haz got the right kind of
ingredience for post holes.
This is what call running science
into the ground.
The fact ov itiz, that theories of all
kinds work well except in praktiss;-
they are too often designed to do the
work of practiss.
They amt no theory about break
ing a mule only tew go at him with a
klub in your hand and sum blood in
yure eye, and brake him just as you
would split log.
What know apout pharmin amt
wuth much enuy how, but I under
took to brake kicking heifer once.
I read treatise on the subject and
phollowed the direkshuns cluss, and
got knokt endwaze in about five min
its.
then sat down and thought the
thing over.
made ny my mind that tie phel-
low who wrote the treatiss was more
in the treatiss Dizziness than he was
in the kicking heifer trade.
I cum to the konklushun that what
he knu about milking hiking heifers
he had learnt by ]eanin over barn
yard fence and writing the thing up.
I got up from my refekshuns
strengthened, and went for that hief-
er.
I viii draw vail over the language
I used, and the things I did, but I
went in to win, and wonl
The heifer never bekum COW.
This is one way to break kicking
heifer, and after man has studyed
all the books In kreashun on the SUBJ
ject, and tried them on, he will fall
back onto mi plan and make up his
mind, as I did, that kicking heifer
is wuth more for beef than she is for
theoretic milk.
I have worked on apharm justlong
enuff tew know that there IL no pray
ers so good for poor land as manure,
and no theory kan beat twelve hours
each day (sundaz excepted) of honest
labor applied to the sile.
7 am an old phashioned phellow,
and heartily hate most nu things be-
kause I hay bin beat by them so of
ten.
I never knu pharm that waz
worked pretty much bi theory, but
what waz for sale or to let in few
years. and never knu a pharm that
waz worked by manure and muscle,
on the good old ignorant way ov our
ancestors, but what waz handed down
from father to son, and alwus waz
noted for raising brawny boys
and buxom lasses, and fust-rate pota-