The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1871-07-21
HUMoRs OF THE pAY.

Gentlemen" said a publican &c
his guests at midnight, al DOM
know whether you have talked
enough or not; but as for myself
am going TO shut up"
Political Economy. The Ran who
earns e dollar a day and spends the
same, epmns to the end of his rope
on Sunday, when he must either
starve or go visiting.
A proverb and fact are thus, Will
a Peroeptible flavor of malice, put in
juXtaposition by the Boston Post
"ThOse whom the gods love die
| young. Greeley is CO."
At "a recent English wedding thu
brides pet terrier got into the church
and upon the administration OF thu
post ceremonial kiss went for The
| bridegroom in remarkably demon
strative manner.
Speaking Of the condition of pa
tient, a doctor remarked to his lcga
J friend that "his constitution wat
nearly gone" "Then let him fall bach
on his bylaws" was the cruel re,
ply.
An lrishman having jumped into
the water TO save man from drown
ing, upon receiving quarter from
the person as a reward for the SER
vice, looked first at the money and
then at him, and at last exclaimed
I'm overpaid for the job"
The most remarkable recommends
ton of watering place yet offered
to the public, is that of an enthusi-
astic admircr of a resort in New
York. " At the foot of Ball Hill"
says he, there is a plot of ground
covered with stones. where parties
can kill twenty-five rattlesnakcs any
warm morning"
The famed mosquitoes of New
Jersey arc being eclipsed by the ap-
pesrancn there OF new blood-lettcr.
called the winged porcupine,"
which has concealed under its wings
a number of fine quilts, and shoots
them at any one attempting TO capture
1t. These work into the skin, causing
painful irritation.
A contemporary remarks =" And
now the cry comes up once more
against the miserable accommoda-
tons of our summer hotels. Isn't it
time for a reform in this matter?
Corn husk beds, iufinitesimal pill
lows, damp and ragged towels, soap
harder than the heart of New York
belle, scanty water and unreliable
gas fNtures-such are the miseries
TO be endured by those who seek
summer rest in most of the landed
places. Where do these
landlords expect TO 60 when they
die"
An ingenious German has gained
a great reputation in New York by
his success in training coach horses !
10 a grand gait. lie uses no burr-bit
or other cruel continuance, and peo-
pie couldn't see how he did it, until |
it was found that he put magnifyins |
goggles upon his horses, which made |
look like bOulders, and |
they acquired a grand tread trying TO |
step over them.
An exchange says it knows Of a
boy who accidentally swallowed a
silver half-dollsr. They gave him
warm water ana tartar emetic, and
wine, aud poked their
fingers down his throat until the /
BOY thought he would throw up his
Oe-nailS. After a while q doctor
,ame along who understood such
asses. lie administered a small dose
IF patent medicine, and in less than
en- minutes the boy threw up the
in five-ccnt pieces. Science
IS a great thing.
One Of the most curious wills ever
made vas by an Englishman, at
Noutgaillard, in 1922, thus quoted |
in Once a Week: at is my will that
any one Of my relations who shall
presume to shed tears at my funeral
shall be disinherited. He, on the |
other hand, who laughs the most
heartily shall be sole heir. | order !
that neither the church nor my
hcarse shall be hung with black cloth,
but that, on the day of my burial the |
hearse and church shall be decorated |
with flowers and green boughs. In !
stead of the tolling of bells, | will |
have drums, fiddles and flies. All |
musicians OF Mcntgaillard and its
environs shall attend the funeral. |
Fifty of them shall open the process !
sion with hunting tunes, waltzes and !
minucts,'