Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-08-05
HUMORS OF THE DAY,
Eeadn money Nuicksilvcr.

The politicians @tayoritc cNcrcisc-
RuGEing for office.
The Ohio river is going into a dr-
cline. 1t keeps its bed and is quite
low.
An Oregon toast oycra glass OF
the ardent. "lIcrcs what makes us
wear old clothes
A san Francisco paper mentions
the arrival in that city Of "Col, Su-
san e. Anthony
JU{g toastS the three ages Of man's
litc-Eng-agc, marriage, and dot
age.
At Madison, Wisconsin, there has
bccu n tub race, the tub being
manned, as well as drawn, by geese.
A Chicago merchant offers for sale
apples and peaches, every one war
rantcd to contain a prize"
A Connecticut man ardCntly wants
to ~"reprcsint the mieandick and la
boring men in the state assemble
irrcspcctiv of pollytics, r%Clijion or
Cddicashun.'
A Minnesota juror addressed a
note to the Judge, in which he styled
him as "Onerablo jug"
The latest Of tho puus on the
Presidential family: "Tho roason
Grant likes the seashore is that Nep-
tune ruled with a Try-Dcnt,"
AnIriSh magistrate, %censuring some
boys for lettering in the street, said :
"If everybody were to stand in the
streets how could anybody get by p
Punch says, a perfumcr's business
ought to be very lucrative. or "ll
business it brings in tho best per
sCCntagc.
Some one, describing \ bad dinner
TO which he had been invited, said
that the meat was cold, the wine
was hot, and everything WAS sour
but the yincgrr.'
The Columbus (Ohio) papers don't
have any editorials now, the alleged
cause being that, "the thermometer
is up to three shirt collars a minute
A western train advcrtisCs that
each train carries a coroner and
six jurymCn for the convenience OF
passengers.
An apprcciativc admircr Of the
New Orleans PicoyunC has presented
its editor with a wasp's nest-to
enable him to fight the Bee.
Citizens of the oil regions express
value in terms Of oil barrels, Thus
they speak Of a young lady as wear
ing an cighty-siX barrel opera suit.
An old lady from one of the rural
districts astOnishcd q clerk in one OF
the stores, a few days ago, by in.
curing if he had any "yallCr dcycl,
opmcnts slch as they did up Letters
in."
II Is said EuGus Choato was once
applied TO to defend a criminal, and
declined latly, eXclaiming: sc
stepped in blood and no money llc'
a lost man.
"AdycrSiDy,' saws u western
preacher, " takes us up short and set
US down hard, aud when it's don
with us we feel as c@ontcntod a. 6
boy that's been spanked and set ava
to cool"
At some of the summer boardin
houses the butter set before the pee
pie is like defended lort-thnt
rathCr too strong to be easily takcr
"Thcm soldiers must be an awlu
! dishonest set said au old lady
"lOr not u night seems 10 pass tina
| some sentinel isn't relieved of Ii
| watch !"
That genial philosopher, Josh Bill
lings, says, a large policy OF life in
%surance doesn't exactly make
S mans corpse smilc st a widow, bl
0 it helps amazingly to get anolho
fellow to do it for him.
The Louisville COuricr-Jomn
hopes that it is true that AleXand,
II. Stevens has gained nine pOun(
since he became editor, but feal
y that when weighed he had OF
9 of his heavy editorials in bis poke
lIuqucquaquonunk is the ugI
name of a pretty village of Ne
|, Jersey. Its population is very BmaI
J.. threc-fourths Of the inhabitants ha,
' ing died of lock-jaw, in vain ellor
to pronounce the name.
Mrs. Fairs remark, " If poor, de.
CrittCndon were alive he would Z
h me off," is only parallClcd by Il
youngtcr who murdered his faith
aud mother, and didn't think Il
t. Judge "ortcr hang a poor orphina
Why should not people at cvcnir
T. parties be properly labelled with
lc number in some conspicuous b
y convenient place, and doscvibCd in
. catalogue, so that One might knC
Is who they were, and all about the
II without troubling the host or hostcs
|. Poems may he divided into thr
II. classcs--thOsc that are worth rCadiI
and therefore are worth wrilin
those that are worth writing but q
not worth reading, and those Il
are neither worth reading nor w
ting.-BoStOn Transcript,
- "Now my little boys aud gjrl
~ said a teacher, al want you TO
y, very still, that you can hear u |
" drop In n moment all vas silcI
III when Il little boy shriekcd ont, "
es her drop
L. A young lady became SO dissat
SO fed with her lover that she dismiss
~ him. In revenge he threatened
,b publish her letters to him. eve
as WELL" replied the lady 81 have
reason TO be ashamed of any part
at my letters, except the address"
&c, Al Il recent church wedding
If England the brides pct terrier got
h. somehow, and when the groom ;
W, ministcrcd the kiss, the faithful a
L." nal event for HIM" with u Y,
tn geanCC.
US A widowCr in Tcrre liauto, 1t
y oilers to marry any young, amial
''- beautiful and accomplished girl W
will take care of his house, keep
o' children clean and let him alone.
10 "Tell that mar to take of his
w. in court" said the Judge the OF
.cJ morning to an officer. The oncnt