The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1871-09-28
OATS.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

Oats are singular grain, perhaps
should say plural, becauze thare is more
than one ov them.
They grow on the top of straw, about
two foot, % inches hi, and the straw is
holler
This straw is interesting for its suck
shun
Short pieces OF it, about inches, or
SO, dipt into the buzzum Of a sherry cob
| bier, will suckshun up the entire cobbler
In 3 mlnnits.
| never have trid this, but kno lots of
| young, reliable men, who stand around
ready to prov this, if somebody win fech
on the cobbler.
This suckshun is sed to be ded sure
thing.
Oats gro on the summit of some
straw, and are sharp at both ends.
They resemble shu pegs In looks, and
build, and it IL said, are often mistaken
for them by near sighted bosses and shu-
makers
don t intend this remark az any de-
! gorativeness to shumakerS IN the lump,
for have often said. in my inspired mo-
ments, if i couldn't be a shumaker, i
would like to be good lawyer.
Oats are phunny gram, Squarts of
them will make even a stage boss laH,
anc when a stage boss laffs,' you kno he
Is tickled somewhere.
This is the nat If ov oats az beverage,
they amuze the stummock of boss with
their sharp ends, ard then the boss
laffs
L hav never saw boss laff, but [ hav
heard that it could be did
Ihare IL CRATE menny folks, ov good
mr. t-nr ol>to Il l
thing unless thee can see it, theze kind
of folks are always the eazyest and best
to cheat.
They wont beleave rattle snaik' bite
il potion until they try it; thiz kind ov
informashun alwus kosts more than it liz
aktualiy worth.
1t IL mlddling wize man who profits
by hlz own experience, but it IL good
deal wlzer won, who lets the rattlesnaik
blight the luther phelow.
The Goddess of korn IL alzo the God
dess of oats, and barley and buckwheat
Her name IL Series, she is Il mitholo-
glcal woman, and like menny wimen she
" hard to lokate. "a
J. These MYTHOLOGY men and wimmen,
work well enuf In poetry, whar a good |
deal oV Ielng don't hurt the sens, but
when you kom right down to korn in the
ear, or oats IL the bundle, all the gods
and gooddesses in the wirld, kant war
u good krop.
1t takes labor to raize oats, and trash
them out, but of the lacy kusses that
hav pestered the urth, since Adam was
a boy, the gods, and the goddesses, hav
alwus been too lazy to SWEET.
Emmy being who haint never SWEET don't
kno what he IL wurth.
L would like to see whui parcel ov
theze gods, and goddesses, in a harvest
field, Keeping lodged oats, in the munth
of August; they couldn't earn their pep |
persass.
Oats are sold by weight or mcclure,
and are seldum sold bi count.
Eggs, aud money, are counted out, |
but oats nuver.
1t would be well for nu beginners to |
remember this, it would save them a |
gud deal of time, on every hundred bu-
shells OF oats.
Time IL said tew be the same az mum
N.Y. II this IL positively so, Methuseler
died ritch.
Methuseler was exactly 999 years old
when he died, uoW mutipli this bi sos, |
which would be aIlpaiug him dollar
day tor hIz TYNE, and you will fnd just |
what he Waz worth.
Oats are worth from 40 to rs cents
bushel, ackording to their price, and |
ain gud for mulch only tew tickle a
boss.
They choke a goose to deth quicker
than paper of pins, and ennythipg that
viii choke goose to deth IL, to say the
least OF Ii, vcry SKA Sc /
Speaking Of Il goose. have found out
at least what makes them so tuf, it is
staying out 80 much in the cold
| found this out all alone hi miself.
Oats are very easy krop to raizc.
All you hav got tu du, to raize oats,iz
10 slough the ground deep, then manure
Il We'll, then sprinkle the oats all over
the ground, one IN place, then worry
the ground with drag all oyer, then
set up knites tn keep the chikens and
woodchucks out of en-, then pray Tor
some rain, then kradle them down with
a kradle, then rake them together with
a rake, then bind them up with a band.
then stack them up with a stack, then
thrash them out with a fail theu clean
them up with mill, then sharper
both ends Of them with knife, then
stow them away In a granery. then spend
wet days, and Sundays trapping for rats
and mice.
1t amt nothing bat phun to raise oats
try it.