The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-03-23
WIT AND HUMOR.

-hb ipuiONiiiSS ny ShS H'~S S"'
rcted for drunkenness are placed in
he school fund, aud many Of the prom"
ncnt men get drunk every week justto
contribute to the cause of education.
"A teacher said to a little girl at
school If a naughty girl should hurt
you, like good little girl you would
forgive her, wouldn't your" "Yes
marm," she replied, "if I couldn't
catch her"
Madam" said pompous hus.
band, whose wife had stolen up behind
him and given him kiss, "madam, l
consider such an act indecorous y
Excuse me-" retorted the wife, ~
didn't know it was you"
"A girl near Dayton, Ohio, recent
ly won new bonnet by throwing her
father twice out Of three times in u
wrestling match. The old fellow says
he can rout her on "side hold,' but
she is too many for him on a "bacL
hold"
"A boy at crossing, begging
something Of gentleman, the latter
told him that he would give him some
thing as he came back. "Your honor"
replied the boy, "you would be sur
prised it you knew how much money l
lose by giving credit that way"
An organist Of a church at Mil
waukee, Wis, has got all the young
folks down on him, by playing at a
wedding, "Put Me in my Little Bed"
He said the bride told him to play
something appropriate, and he couldn't
think Of anything more appropriate.
Alta late fair a young man named
Hymen drew a thousand-dollar dia-
mond ring and Immediately placed it IN
the finger of his mother, to the intense
disgust Of several young ladies, who
had their fingers all creased ready
He said his ma was Hymen enough for
him.
Miss Laura Rcam overhears such
remarks AS these at Chicagossocial
gatherings: "Look how elegantly Mrs,
I. is dressed. 1t is the first time she
has been out since her divorce !. There
is Mrs.sL,, too, and the case in the pa
pcrs so lately, Would you .have be-
leycd it?"
The following speech is attributed
to member Of the Legislature of
Pennsylvania: 81 know wimun, Mr..
Speaker; lssay it in no.disrespect; l
know um ;sssl have had heap to do
with UNI. They'rea useful class, and
and yet, with the best of EN- you may
have trouble
"A couple were.smarriod at Great
Darlington, Miss, on last Tuesday,
and on Saturday the3 husband returned
the bride to her ma. Hesaid he wasn't
in the habit of being kicked out of bed
by women, and hcss wouldn't. stand it,
She had bit him too. Women are get.
ting more and morel.lhat way every
year.
-Honors are Easy.--"NIary Mag
dalen had several devils cast out Of
her. | never heard Of man having
seven devils castsout..of him. growlea
an old bachelor in the course of a dis.
cussion on the woman question
NO, they are not cast out yet, be
lieve," was the quiet response of hls
fair antagonist.
Mrs. Jones, Of DesMoines, Iovg.
not long since ran away with an allo.-
ty, and last week she returned to her
husband, and was mad because Joncs
didn't kill the fatted veal. Jones sad
he never knew zone of these atfinitio5
that would keep good thing when
they got it, and is as mad as thunder
becauscishe came back.
A Chicago mother left''ssa six
months old baby in the crib. with d
nursing bottle in its mouth, while'she
went to the Courthouse to see when her
divorce case was coming on. When
she returned the child was dead
smoothered with milk. She said she
had often warned the baby to be careful
about drinking too much.
Mrs. Esther Morris, that Wysmine
female Justice Of the Peace, that there
was so much blow about in the papers
not long since, has been obi yed to re.
lire from the bench for season. i.
was boy, weighing twelve poun Is.
She is believed TO be the first Justice
If thePeace that ever had such thinr
occur since the world began.
Mr.. Spriggins is little forgetfal
omet:mes. He counted his children
he other night, but could only make
ourteen. How is this ?" he asked
is wife UI thouoht thoro r.ro Co.,.