The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-10-27
scrssoRrNGs.


The war measure-A line of battle.
The raw material Underdones steak.
Pleasant checks in life-Bank
checks.
Doing heavy business--The iron
dealers. IS ~ 18
To make hot bed-Set the mat
tress on Gre. g ~
Light employment Building cas-
ties in the air.
The swiftest arm of the military
service-The fleet.
The sweetest of strains-Trying to
lift a pretty girl.
Some tailors would make capital
dragoons-they charge so.
The line of business some strong
minded ladies take up-The mascu-
line. =
Laugh at no man for his pug nose
you can't tell what may turn up
Toadstools, commissions and stom-
ache pump, were the three courses OF
a indianapolis girls dinner.
A. Washington paper thinks that a
cityswhich cannot boast of a modern
Borgia eyinces fearful lack of enter
prise.
A chandler having had some can
dies stolen, a person bade him be of
good cheer, "for in short time,
said he, .'they will all come tolight."
A young lady upon one occasion re-
auested her lover to define love.
'.well SAL" said he cit is to me an
inward impressibility and an outward
alloverishness.
The Alexandria Post tells of case
wherein farmer claims to have lost
favorite dog, which killed himself
barking at reaper agents.
An exchange, wanting to compli-
ment a livestock journal, says it is
edited by a man whose head is chuck
full Of live stock. Doubtful compli-
ment.
Observe what directions your
thoughts and feelings most readily
take when you are alone, and you
will then form a tolerably correct
opinion of your real state.
The maa who shot and killed a boy
in his melon patch, when called to ac-
count for the deed, said he aid it In
mercy to the boy, who otherwise
might have died painful death from
cnolera morbus.
A .scitizen" standing near some
scales at Rutland, the othe day, ask
ed a colered individual, "Can a mig
ger weigh hogs?" To which the col
ored man replied: "Put yourself on
dem scales, and see if he can't.
A Jew was observed looking intent
ly ut prodisions fine ham.-'.What
are you saying to that ham, Mr.. ia
cobs2" 81 was saving to it: Thou
almost persuadest me to be Chris
tian.
1t is stated that rubber cushion
placed under the legs of work bench
es when hammering is going on and
other deafening noises are made will
deaden the sound SO that it cannot be
heard in an adjoining room.
Tommy, what does hair spell p
"Dunno, sir" "Why you numb
skull. what have you got on your
head ?" Il dunno, sir, but | think it
bees flea.
A Southern editor, evidently hen
pecked, says that ''if in our school
days the .'rule of three" is proverbi-
ally trying, how much harder in after
life, do We feel the rule of one"
An old sailor finding a corked bot
tie floating on the sea, opened it, with
the following soliloquy: Rum, l
hope; gin, I think; tracts, by jingo?"
and then threw them back into the
water.
A.south- shore Long Islander, on
his first visit to New York city with
his sweetheart, seeing the big bunch
es of bananas in Fulton Market, ex-
claimed, I'D be moved if them amt
the biggest beans ever see !"
A poor Irishman offered an old
saucepan for SALE His children gath
cred round him and inquired why he
parted with it. "Och, me honeys,'
answered he, Il wouldn't be after
parting wild it, but for little money
to buy something to put in it.
An intoxicated man saw two cars
passing him the other evening, with
red and blue lights in the front and
rear. His fuddled brain compre-
hended the colored lights, and he was
heard to say to himself, .tMust be
pretty sick-sickly here; they are
running the drug stores around on
whe-wheels.
A short time ago little urchin in
Westminster saw shilling lying on
the pavement. He had no sooner
picked it up than it was claimed by a
carman.-"Your shilling hadn't got
hole in it ?" said the boy, stoutly.
s'Yes, it had" said the rogue of a
carman. tThen this'un amt said
the boy, walking of"
A young fellow, whose better half
had just presented him with q pair of
bouncing twins, attended Rev. Mr..
IS church, one Sunday evening.
During the discourse he looked at
our innocent friend, and said in a
tone OF thrilling eloquence; "Young
man, you have an important respon-
sibility thrust upon YOU" The new
dad supposing the preacher alluded
to his peculiar home event, startled
the audience By replying, Eyes, I have
two of them"
NEW ADvERTIs urMrc