Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-10-13
Wit and Wisdom.

Poughkeepsle, few Sundays ago, while
singing the hymn containing three
lines, "When the awful summons hear
ing" to the great disgust of the domi-
ME, and no small delight of the con-
gregation, improvised it by singing full
and distinct, "When these awful ser.
mons hearing" ...
A GOOD story is told of Deacon Cook,
who. in the early days of the Boston
and Worcester Railroad, used to "tend
gate" at the station of Boston, and
direct passengers which cars to take to
reach their destination. A drunken
Natick cobbler staggered up to him one
day, and the deacon inquired, with his
usual urbanity, "Where are you going2"
"Going to HIP was the bluff reply.
"Take the next car" said the deacon,
"and get off at Natick ~
A JEALOUS representative of the
Young Mems Christian Association was
a few days ago drumming up recruits
for the "noon prayer-meeting. On the
street he met Mr.. -, now residing
outside of the city limits. The repre-
sentative of the Young Mems Christian
Association accosted him, and the fol
lowing conversation ensued: "Do you
reside in the city, Mr.. --?' "No,
sir live in the country" "We have
prayer-meeting around here, and :
would be glad to have friends from the
country meet with us. Will you conner"
"a prayer-meeting" Yes, sir come
in and get blessing" "No, you don't;
you can't come any of your confidence
games on me, sir J"
THE Round Lake Sanctifcationists
have started a movement to build q
church in Salt Lake City with the dis
carded .jewelry of the sisters who have
attained into perfection and need no
other ornament. But what is to be
done with the jewelry? Is it to be
sold? 81 found" said good woman
in prayer meeting, that my jewelry
was dragging me down to hell and so
took it off and gave it to my sister," Is
this to be the method of the new re-
form? If it is wicked to wear jewelry,
it is wicked to sell it; and when It
comes to be melted down, we sadly fear
it will take more than the sanctifed
sisters can furnish to build meeting
THERE is a man out in Wyoming who
did not want for woman's wit when
forced to do woman's work while his
wife was on the jury. He appealed to
her to come home, but she want in any
particular hurry, as che would now find
out how nice it was to stay at home and
mind the children, while she was loating
around the courthouse as he used to
do" The man went home and hired b
good-looking cook, and sent his wife
word to be sure and not come home
until she wanted to on his account, but
as soon as the news reached her she
bolted Immediately, and is now one Of
the loudest opposers of female suffrage.
A COMIC story is told of Dean Stanleys
parrot, which was a great pet OF the
whole family. One day Polly managed
to open the cage and get away, to the
CONSERVATION of the whole household.
After great search some one found
Polly in the garden on the top of an
apple-tree. The welcome news was
communicated to the Dean, who, with
the whole of the inmates, rushed out at
once, accompanied by DIR. Vaughan
who with some friends was then on a
visit to the Dean. Polly was found
swinging herself on topmost branch,
but when she discovered the large au.
dience below her, she looked gravely
down on them and said Let us
pray"
OF ALL manner of men, the negro
waiter is the most exacting in regard to
terms and definitions. For example:
A gentleman breakfasting morning or
two since in an uptown restaurant
asked one of the colored waiters for
some cold rice and milk. The waiter
said there was no cold rice, and so the
customer ordered something else. While
paving for his breakfast the customer
observed large dish of rice on the
sideboard. He mentioned to clerk
that waiter had just told him there
was none. The waiter, on being called
to an account for this, became all eyes
and teeth in one expanded grin, and
spoke thus: "Cole rice? That amt
cole rice; that's cole billed rice. Gem
man ask for cole rice"
A MISSIONARY tells the following story:
One day trader.chief came TO Join my
church with his two wives-one old and
ugly, the other handsome young
negress.
3That will never do," cried "my
religion allows man but one wife.
Choose one for the partner OF your joys
and sorrows, and make suitable provi-
sion for the other"
They all went away looking very
crestfallen. A week or two afterward
the old chief came back, leading the
young pretty one, both looking very
happy. >,
. Me come back he said, "me all
ready now"
"That is right" said /, and pray how
have you disposed OF the other wife p
&" All right" he said, "me eat her
up"
The rector of Wootton Bassett was
the happy husband of a wife very lady
like and very lovely, but very deaf.
There was a dinner party at the rec
tors; the ladies had arisen and gone to
the drawing-room. A Mr.. Hare, one OF
the gentlemen, followed them before
his companions, and CHANGING to enter
the room very quietly-as a hare may
be supposed to step-a lady, behind
whom he stood and whom he had enter
tanned at dinner, observed to the rectors
deaf and ladylike wife mot knowing, OF
course, who was behind herr " What
a very agreeable man Mr.. Hare is" The
hostess thought it was her room and
not her company that she had heard
praised, so she answered eyes; and
so warm and comfortable of winters
night"