The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1871-11-02
Equal to Mark Twain.

| Equal to Mark Twain.
Newspaper writer's will thoroughly ap.
preciate rthe following over true tale,
which We take from the Philadelphia
Dispatch.
A week or two ago one Of the reporters
had occasion to refer 10 certain woman,
whom he will call Hannah Smith, as a
deuizcn Of the Eleventh Ward. A day or
two afterward huge man entered the
Office with bis brow clothed with thunder.
Iu his hand be carried fearful club, aud
at bis side tro,tel a bull dog, whom hung
er had evidently made desperate. With
that quick appreciation Of the situation,
which is credtable to the superior intel.
igepce Of educated man, the editor Of this
paper and the proprietors darted to the
window, climbing outside, slid down the
lightning rod, and went across the street
to watch the bloody fray thrOughs spy.
glass. With fearlessness Of conscious in
nocence we sat still, more merely inserting
our legs in two sections Of stove pipe to
guard against any misappreheusiOn Of
facts on the part Of the bull dog. The
man with the club'approached.
care you the editor?" be asked splitting
on his hahd and grasping his club. We
told him that the editor was out; that be
had gone to the north pole with Capt.
Hall, and that he would not return before
1876, in time for, the centenniel celcbra.
ton.
care you the proprietor?" asked the
man.
We explained to him that We we're not;
that the proprictors were also out; that
they bad gone to South America for the
purpose ofinvestigating tue curative, prop
critics Of cundurango, aud they expected to
remain there for several years
"Well, whoever you are," exclaimed
the warrior, my name is Smith,"
We told bin we were glad, because il
there is one thing better than the possess
sion Of the name Of Smith, it was the priv
ilege Of knowing man Of that name
"Bob Smith," We said, "why this battle
array? Il is absurd for q man to put q.
the panopoly Of war. ar!! fisk .s17isx into editors
sauctums f:abliug club :; .:oa accompanied
BY dislear-:: bull dog, simply be-
cause bis name happens TO be Smith"
lie said lie called in ITO burst the head
ofthe man who iusulted bis sisia. "
! !. IS; !: impossible, Smith. that such a
thin. could have been done by any one 10
this Office"
rs, but it vas. though; aud her name
was published too! Miss Smith Miss
Hammer Smithl's ;.,..AA:.s'.l
"Hlsy We bspermttsd 10 inquire, Ne
Smith, what was the precise character ol
the afront offered to HannahY"
"Well, you see." said Smith, "the
blackguard said she was o denizen. And
| want you to understand" exclaimed
Smith, becoming excited, and brandishing
his club in wild manner over our heads,
while the bull dog commenced to sniff up
and down our stove pipe--"I want you to
understand that she is decent young wo-
man, with a good character, and none Of
your dcnizens and such truck. Tho man
who says she is a dcnizen is a blackguard
and a thief, and I'll smash him over the
nose if get chance. They may say
what they please about me, but the man
who abuses my sister; has gotto suffer -
Aud Smith struck the table in violent
manner with his club, while the bulldog
put his forelegs upon the back Of our
chair.
We pacifed Smith with q dictionary
We pointed out to that raging warrior that
the Websteriau definition Of the word
"denizcn" gives such person an unoffen-
ding character, and aeprives the term Of
everything like reproach. Smith said he
was satisfied, and he shook hands and
kicked the bull dog down stairs The
editor and proprietor seeing that all was
safe, Immediately climbed the lightning
rod and soon appeared at the window, where
they were Introduced to Smith, with the
remark that they had returned from the
North Pole and the cline Of the cundur-
ango somewhat unexpectedly, in order to
surprise their relations.
And now we suppose Smith will be mad
because we told this story about him, and
he will be coming down to interview us
again. in wars magnificent stern array
With fresh bull dog. But it will be in
vain. We have rented an Office in the
top Of the sbot-tower, and have planted
torpcdoes and spring guns all the way up
the stairs. We warn this incendiary
Smith to beware.
----------- -