The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1871-03-18
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SATURDAY. MAR. 10, 1871.


uuC SUBJECT. ~ IS rlcn ana r0cy.
IxoDIuM.-THR ORIGINAL LAWYER
Here il . little reasoning of the
syllogistic order:
The lawyer IL the result 1.-THE eff
fect) Of law. Law is the result OF
evil. Evil results from the devil.
Ergo, the lawyer
The writer will leave Che conclu
sion to be filled ont by the reader. |
Any man Is logician enough to
draw conclusion in case where
the premises are stated as clearly |
- they are in the present in
stance.
jest when the first lawyer made |
his appearance on earth is not
known. Probably the gentleman
who entered Eden came as near
being lawyer as one could sup
pose. There was code, "The day
thou eatest Of this fruit, thou shalt
surely die"
This was the law under which
the first lawyer commenced prac-
tice-to practice on Eve. It was
. fine case of special pleading
he developed on that occasion. He
proceeded to explain the law. A
sort of an original constitutional
lawyer, he went to work to inter.
pref q constitutional law which
had been enacted by jehovah him
self.
He discovered new meanings in
the document. He did what many
other lawyers can do: He made a
law appear 10 mean the exact OPP
. posite of its real character. I'm.
doubtedly, he limited himself large
ly to jury eloqueDce. There were
no precedents for his assertions.
There were no decisions to be CT
ted. Nothing was said OF common
law. He simply did as other law
yers will do when they have case
in which the law and the facts are
all against them, and stoutly as
serted that white was black. And
. he won.
He is not the only lawye whose
tongue has given utterance to q tor
rent which has carried the obsta-
Gle Of LAW books, evidence, and
common sense all before it.
The effect of the able plea of the
original lawyer was that, while he
won his case, his client got the
worst Oft. The immediate result
was that q writ of ejectment was
issued and served upon Eve and
her husband. They lost their home
stead, and were kept out Of it by O
bailif, who, in place Of staff, me-
nanced them with flaming sword
Such was the cost of the frs,
suit. The law business has in
creased vastly since, but the ex
pense has not decreased. To wiz
q first.class suit now will cost no,
greatly less than 1t did originally
THE NEXT CASE ON RECORD.
After the decision of the suit il
Eden, there seems no record o
any other cases during the earlier
ages. The next reported law case
is in Job, where there is an accoun
Of Satan's wandering up and dowr
the earth among the sons of men
He was probably on circuit bust
ness at that time, although there il
no record Of his cases, except tn
one in which he acted as prosecu
ting attorney and tried to convic
Job on a trumped-up charge.
In this. his second recorded case
the original lawyer was unsuccess
full. The court before which til
case was tried was the Suprem
court of the universe. The orig
inal lawyer did his best; but it wa
no petit jury before whom he mad
his argument. Eloquence, sophie
try, and all that were of no ava
before the Court to whom he az
dressed his elaborate speech. I'll
decision went against him, and
left, baffled and Inundated.
1t is fact worthy of note tina
while the case was in progress, Il
party on trial, Job, lost every do
lar of his possessions. So soon
he got his case out of court,
speedily regdned his wealth.
His case, as well as that of Ev
proves, in connection with model
instances, that law is very expe
sive.
ANCESTRAL sNoBBERY.
That the devil first took up Il
profession of law need not bril-
the blush to the cheek of the me
worthy member Of tho legal pl
fession. There are but few peor
who would care to have their q
cestral tree too closely examine
If Darwin be not greatly mistake
any genealogical reaearches on t
part of men and women would l
suit in most humiliating disc
sures.
What a thing came from, is
no consequence, what it is, Is
supreme issue. The gcn,l Ell
need not blush that his anoes
were apes, nor need the lawyer
ashamed Of the fact that his lie
progenitor was the devil.
wEIGHTY sPECULATIoNs.
How and when the profess
and practice Of law passed fir
the original lawyer into the hal
of some human being, history,
dition, rumor are silent. The pr
abilities are that the practice
law, as carried on by the orig
lawyer. became one of the lost a
and was afterward discovered
later generations, the same as 81