The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1871-09-28
AFTER MARK TWAIN.
4 Scene in an Editors saEc,um.

The Philadelphia Dispatch condescends
to perpetrate the following:
\ week or two ago one Of our reporters
had occasion to refer to a certain woman,
whom we viii call Hannah Smith, as a
denizen Of the Eleventh Ward. a day or
two afterward q huge man entered the of
fee with his brow clothed with thunder
In his hand he carried a fearful club, and
at his side trotted 4 bulldog whom hunger
evidently had made desperate. With that
quick appreciation of the situation which
Is crcditable TO the superior intelligence of
educated men, the editor Of this paper and
the propriet0rs darted to the window,
climbed outside, slid down the lightning
rod, and went across the street to watch
the bloody fray through spy-glass. With
the fearlessness of conscious innocence, we
sat still, merely inserting our legs in two
sections of stoyepipe, to guard against mis-
apprehension Of facts on the part of the
bulldog. The man with the club ap-
preached.
''Are you the editor ?" he asked, sritting
on his hand and grasping his club. We
told him that the editor was out; that he
had gone to the North Pole with Captain
Hall, and that he would not return before
1876, in time for the centennial celebra-
ton.
Are you the proprietor?" asked the
man.
We explained to him that we were not:
that the proprietors We're also out: that
they had gone to South America for the
purpose of investigating the curative pro-
pertics Of cundurango, and they expected
to remain there several years.
Well, whoever You are, exclaimed the
warrior, "my name is Smith -
We told him we were glad: because, if
there was one thing better than the pos
session Of the name of Smith it was the
privilege Of knowing Il man of that name.
But, Smith" we said, "Nhv this battle
array? 1t IS absurd for man to pat on
thc panoply of war; and frisk into editors
sanctums fumJling club and accompanied
by q disheartcning bulldog, simply because
his name happens to be Smith.
lie said he had called in to burst the
head Of the man who had insulted his sis
ter.
1T is impossible, Smith that such a
thing could have been done by any one in
this Office
"Is, but it was, though: and her name
was published, too. Miss Smth-lIiss
Hammer Smith"
May we be permitted to inquire, Mr.
Smith, what was the precise character Of
the aitront offered to Hannah :"
We'll, You see, said Smith, " the
blackboard said she was Il dcnizrn And
want YOU to understand" exclaimed
Smith, becoming excited, and brandish-
in his club in wild manner over our
head, while the bulldog advanced and com
mnnced u sniff up and down our stove
pipe; i want You to understand that she
'. 'a-.sr' s-.r-.. vva,rrar ,s.i+h y ,-o.l
character, and none Of Your Gcnizons and
such truck The man who says she is
q denizcn is blackguard and a thief, and
III smash him over the nose if get
chance They may say what they please
about me, bat the man who abuses my sis
ter has @ot to suffer And Smith struck
the table in :, via.cnt manner with his club,
while the bulldog put his forclcgs on the
back Of om chair.
We racihed Smith with a dictionary.
We pointed out to that raging warrior that
the WeL>terian definition Of the word
,icnizcn' gives such a person an unotfcnd-
ing character and dcpriyes the term Of
ever tIilii- INT II I'lbdtI. 'Nhittli N'lA Hc
was satisfied, and he shook hands and
kicked the bulldog down stairs The cdi-
tor and rroprictors, seeing that all was
safe, Immediately climbed the lightning
rod, and soon appeared at the window,
where they were introduced to Smith, with
the remark that they had returned from
the North Pole anI the cline Of the cuniu-
range, somewhat unexpectedly, III order 10
surprise their relations.
And now we suppose Smith VIII be mad
because we have told this story about i'm,
and he Will he coming down 70 interview
US again in wars magnificent stern array
with fresh bulldog. But it will be in
vain. We have rented an Office in the top
Of the shot-towcr, and have planted torpc-
does and spring guns all the way up stairs.
We warn this incendiary Smith to beware