Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1871-11-10
REVENUE.
BY P. O. MURKLURK.

1t is a we'll known fact that revenue has
an army Of assessors, collectors, inspec-
tors, assistants. clerks, special agents,
etc., in each district, whose duty it is to
see that Uncle Sam" is not cheated out
of single cent of bis just I've guess it's
|just deserts, and that the combined sala-
ries of these officers is about equal to the
amount of revenue they collect.
A friend relates the following "little
story" for the truthfulness of which we
will not vouch:
am what some people ignorantly call
drummer" In other words, I'm q
travelling clerk for the ''Great North A.
merican Tool and Agricultural Implement
Manufacturing Company" and. as a mat
ter of course. in my peregrinations over
the country. I meet with some strange ad-
venturers.
One evening I drove into the little vii
lage Of Smithville. Tennessee, and stop
ped before nice looking cottage, with
the owner of which thought might be
able to ''strike trade" as the surround
ings indicated that skilled and enter
prising hand had charge Of them.
shouted 'hello," and was answered
by the proprietor in person. I stated my
business in as glowing terms as possible,
and wound up BY asking him-il he-wished
anything in my line.
"Well, no." be replied, "you see. Tn
Assessor of Internal Revenue for this dis
trict, and my duties are such that I hare
no time for anything else"
Perhaps your neighbor over there. !"
said I. pointing across the way, would
buy few articles" ' ~.
''He? He's Assistant Assessor of In
ternal Revenue for this district, and it re-
quires all his time to attend to bis duties.
| guess he wouldn't buy anything"
."Who lives in the next house down
there 7" I inquired hopefully.
.'Mr. Smith, Collector Of Internal Rev
enue for this district. He has no time
for farming, and Of course would buy no.
thing in that line" ~
"Maybe that the owner of that fine
mansion on the hill, yonder," replied I.
solemnly, would take few Of our sgri-
cultural implements, as everything around
him indicates"
"Oh, no" said be interrupting me
"he's Assistant Collec' or of Internal Rev
enue for this district. and If be had all
the farming implements in the world he
wouldn't have time to use emf"
docs anybody else live in this town p
1 asked, dcspairingly; for no other houses
were visible.
EYES," was the reply. "Mr. Jones
lives just beyond the hill yonder, but he
is Inspector of Internal Revenue for this
district, and is never at home"
Thunder and lightningr said I.
warmly; "does the revenue department
live here? Is there blacksmith in this
place7 If there is. maybe he would like
some of our TOOLS" sa
''Mr. Simmons was our blacksmith, but
he received the appointment Of Assistant
Inspector of Internal Revenue for this dis
trict last week. and in consequence of
which be has closed his shop for the pres
ent."
is there a man in this village who is
not connected with the internal revenue
of this districtf" - f
I asked this question as sarcastically as
possible, and with faint-very faint
glimmering of hope.
well, yes. there's the postmaster; but
he is expecting to receive commission as
Inspector of Bsandies and Whiskies for
this district, I think it useless to 60 to
him.
''Where is the hotel7" I asked, dis
gusted. s .}4.
1--WE have none-it has been changed
to Bonded Warehouse for this district.
..Do you collect enough revenue iu this
district to pay yourselves 7" / asked for
this time. ,as.se..4
'.No, sir, we do not; but other districts
collect more than enough. Their surplus
is appropriated to fill our de6eiency.-I
Thus things are equalizei." ~
Don't you see the philosophy Of it :
What would the government be without >
Good evening. sir"
He left and so did I. Up 10 this time
have failed to see 1.-THE philosophy OF i"