Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-04-14
HunlOr.

Why are bachelors shirt buttons like life:
They often hang on single thread
His forehead extended to the gable enc
of his neck, means be was bald-headed
An exchange says philadelphia has fe
male undertakers' What do they under
take? to get married?
Young ladies, d. not too soon pronounce
your lover duck, lest you should afterwart
discover him to be goose
A country lad said to one who boasteo
his ancient family: so much the worse fol-
YOU: the older the seed the worse the crop.
The man who married three sisters il
succession, excused himself on the grOunc
that he had got off with only one mother-in
law.
Buggy umbrellas are advertised for sale
in New Haven. If insect powders was put
on them they would probably bring higher
prices.
Is it wrong to cheat lawyer? was re-
Gently very ably discussed by debating SO.
ciety. The conclusion arrived at was that
it was not wrong, but impossible.
A young man who was caught straining
his sweetheart to his b osom the other night
justifes himself on the ground that he has
right to strain his own honey.
The following is an effective remedy for
horse thieves, says the Cabell Press; Equal
parts of grape. vine, halter, prussic acid,
arsenic, strychnine, Or anything else conve-
nient for culinary purposes.
A sailor looking serious in chapel in
Boston, was asked by clergyman if he felt
any change? Whereupon the tar put his
hand into his pocket, and replied that he
hadn't got cent.
The harmony of the evening-Romantie
youth with moro assurance than voice. I
cannot sing that old song Voice from
next room: Then don't--thats good
fellow
Thompson is not going to do anything
more in conundrums. He recently asked
his wife the difference between his head and
hogshead, and she said there was none -
He says that is not the right answer
A deacon in Illinois objected to the orga
purchased by his church, and when called
upon to close the service with prayer, said:
Call on the machine! If it can sing the
glory Of God it can pray, too Call on the
machinep
That you believe you have a call to
preach, is all very we'll, so far as it goes
said an old doctor of divinity to theologi-
cal student; but he added, we must wait,
and see whether people think they have a
call to hesr you
Rich nsidsn lady-'Well, May, why are
you looking so hard at me?'
May-'l'm looking for your other face
Lady-What other face, child?'
May-'Vhy, Ma is always saying you
have two fGesp Consideration of mamma. J
A short tine since Mr.. Knott was tried
IN an interiol county in Georgia for viola
ton Of law. The verdict If the jury was,
I'VE find the defendant Knott guilty. The
Judge was at loss whether to sentence
Knott or not to sentence He took time to
consider.
MAKING HIM SMART.-As old Van
Shroomps was giving his youngest, who was
inclined to be lazy, a good cowhiding, the
boy cried out:
On !! don't, faddsr; it makes me smart p
Oats shoost vat wants. and he whack-
ed away with renewed vigor
Thackelay said that the drollest thing he
had ever heard while in this country, and
the most Enthusiastically American, was
the remark Of New Yorker: ooh, have
no objection to England, Mr.. Thackeray.-
The only thing l should be afraid of would
be to 60 out at night there. lest I should
step off,
A country fellow just come to New York,
gaping about in every shop, where. seeing
only one man sitting at a desk, he could
not imagine what commodity " as sold there
but calling to tho clerk:
Pray, sir, said he what do you keep to
sell here?
'Leggerheadsp cried the clerk.
DO you? answered the countryman, 'by
lingo, then you have special good trade,
for see you have but one loggerhead left
Not long since man walked into one of
the three stores in western town and in
quired Of the proprietor if he had any more
brandy like the last he got there, and was
told he had. WELL continued the custom.
or, who was from mountain town, L want
to tell you about the last pint you sold me-
went home late at night and hung the bot
tie up by the fireplace. It was middling
cold night, and when got up in the morn
ing | found the bottle had dropped on the
hearth and broken into a thousand pieces;
but continued the mountaineer,' with ami.
nation, the brandy was all right-there it
hung on that nail, froze solder than thun-
DER
SOUND ON THE GOOSE. pious negro
woman was once caught by her master steal
ing goose, and the next Sunday partook
of the communion, after which the master
accosted her as follows:
why, Hannah. l saw you to-day ct the
communion table,
Yes, tank de Lord. massa, was lowed
to be dar wild de rest of bis family.
But, Hannah, I was surprised to see
you there, he said. How is it about the
gooseY
She looked little surprised, as if she
did not understand the question. but catch
ing the meaning, exclaimed
Why, sab, do you tink Use gwine t.
LEFT an old goose stand atvnan mo and my