Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-10-27
HunOr.

Toilers of the sea-Opticians.
Paper cufs-Newspaper attacks.
A tail Of misery-The cocktail.
The best revolver out-the world.
The only perfect thing-the first boy
The best of friends must part-their hair.
A bad sign-to sign another mans name
to note.
The latest edition of (H)oil's games-A
petroleum explosion.
When man puts another's name to a
note it is bad sign.
To poultry dealers-is there any differ
ence between hen stealing and cock robin?
There is man out West who is so lazy
that he has applied for position as rail-
road sleeper.
"The hour of need" You cannot help
knowing it for when it does come it is sure
to strike one.
On week days you buy music by the
sheet; on Sundays you can have it by the
choir for nothing.
The Boston Post says "whoever is the
coming man. Grant is the one for the
present"
Facts should be put down in black and
white, in another colored ink they might
appear incredible.
A Chicago paper says a good deal of our
religion is simple starch. That's the rea-
son it washes out Of some folks so easily.
What is the difference between an oyster
and chicken: One is best right out of
the shell, and the other isn't
Gardeners might not like to part with
their gardens, though they are always
ready to fork over their grounds.
Fun, commenting on the proverb, ''Peace
hath her Victories" says, "Just so; more
fall in love than in war"
A Maine girl, whose lover had lost
limb, replied to her companions banter, 81
would not have man with two legs; they
are SO common"
They reckon time out West and give
dates by saying ''two weeks before the last
circus" or ''three weeks after the last cir
Gus.
Some one says that the lion and lamb
may lie down together in this world, but
when the lion gets up it will be hard work
to find the lamb.
Victoria Woodruff has taken house in
Washington. She hopes to take two others
the House Of Representatives and the
White Honse.
When we read the interminable sentences
of some writers, we cannot help thinking
that their readers are in danger of being
sentenced to death.
'What substitute can there be for the en-
dearment of ones sister ?" exclaimed Mary.
"The endearment of some other fellows
sister," replied John.
The Boston Post ventures tie belief that
''it is wrong to fly to one extreme to cor
rect the other" Every disobediant urchin
in the land will endorse that sentiment
An eccentric clergyman lately said, in
one of his sermons, that sabout the COM
monest proof we have that man is made of
clay is the brick so often found in his hat"
A judge in Indiana threatened to ine
lawyer for contempt Of court. II have
expressed no contempt for the court, said |
the lawyer son the contrary, [ have care
fully concealed my feelings" 4f /
The Boston Post tells that man in Troy
left boarding house just because rat bit off |
his ear. When people get to be that par
tisular about triAes, they ought to quit
boarding and 60 to keeping house.
When Radical politician leaves with a
large amount of government funds in his
pockets, the government organs announce
that his accounts are "adjusted," and his
stealings are called irregularities
A country editors sole editorial in one |
issue Of his paper was to the effect that if |
anything will make man feel juicy about
the heart it is to talk velvet to pair of
sky-colore& eyes BY moonlight in a clover
field. aa
A young fellow who wanted some money
went to man and asked him to advance
MIN five dollars. ''Why!" said he, II
don't know you.' ':That is why I came
here,' answered the other, tsfor those who
know me won't lend me five shillings.''
An exchange says: 1T is not good taste
for young men to stay. after ten o'clock
when visiting young ladies'" Our devil
says he never noticed any difference in the
taste after ten o'clock. He says it's good
any time. aa5 - tev
A young man living in Lafayette, Ind,
is humility personifed The other day be
asked young lady if he might be allowed
the privilege Of going home with her, and
was Indignantly refused; upon which he
inquired very humbly if she would permit
him to sit on the fence and see her 20 by,
There are two kinds of temporary insan-
ity and each has but a singl symptom. The
one was discovered by a coroner, the other
by lawyer. The one induces you to kill
yourself when you are tired of life; the
other persuades you to kill some one else
when you are fatigued at seeing him about.
not-needles.
Ears have they, yet hear not-old book
leaves. .5
Hearts have they, yet pity not-cabbages.
Tongues have they, yet taste not
buckles.
Mouths have they, yet speak not-rivers.
Teeth have they, Jet chew not--combs.
Hands have they, yet steal notebooks.
Lips have they, yet kiss not-pitchers.
Legs have they, yet walk not-tables.
Heads have they, yet think not-pins.
Arms have they, yet toll not--chairs.