Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1871-12-15

Young and happymssried couples,
who are for the first time, about to
become iniaiated in the mysteries of
house keeping, always start with one
cat In fact the wife usually has one
given to her by some unmarried lady
friend on the eve of house keeping.
For a few weeks pussy" Is one of
the favorite fixtures of the fire side,
and lounges around in the easy
chairs with a pink ribbon around
her neck, and dimes upon the pin
ions of spring chickens, favored
with an occasional sip of nectar and
beefsteak gravy from the lips OF her
mistress. #a.1..aa.#
AT night John comes home, and
after donning his dressing gown and
slippers, presented by his wife on the
day Of their nuptials, he draws q
chair before the glowing CRATE, and
reads aloud from "Owen Meredith, I"
while he holds his wife and his wife
holds the cat. Happy couple. happy
cat; they are both experiencing
the most blissful part of their earthly
existence; for John will never rec
ceive any more dressing-gowns nor
slippers, and instead of gently
smoothing the fur on Tabby's back
a month hence, the chances are that
John upon his arrival home, will
mark his entrance by kicking the
blasted cat across the room, and If,
in the access of her feline affection,
pussy advances with proudly arched
back and catarrh>like pur, to rub
against Johns shins, 1t is not un.
likely that moment later she will
find herself on the top of the stove,
or soaring through the window, If one
chances to be open.
AS the honeymoon draws to close
of the first quarter, the peculiarities
of the cat shine forth with renewed
lustre. At night John is awakened
by his wife, who has head burglars
down stairs. "They are after our
plated ware that we received at our
wedding" says she, John, sleepily
replies that he wishes to goodness
they would burgle some of the ,many
cheap butter knives and salt spoons
that constituted the largest portion
of the bridal gifts :" nevertheless, he
seizes a lamp in one hand, and q
piece of crockery in the other, and
with his snowy robe fluttering in the
air, seeks the precincts of
the kitchen. He hears footsteps In
the pantry, and throws the crockery
in that direction; all IL still; he
must have killed the burglar.
He approaches the pantry where
the corpse lies, when "Pish.t-t-t-me
reeuW!" and, with diabollcal
something rushes between
his neither limbs; he feels q sharp
pain In the calves, drops the light
and falls over into a pan Of milk on
the shelf in front of him.
His wife UP stairs has heard the
and with only one
thought-which Is to perish with
her husband-files. shrieking down
the stairs. She stumbles over the
body of Jonn, and her. head strikes
in a custard pie which rests on the
floor. Thinking 1t was the burglar
returned to finish his bloody work,
John reviyes sufficiently to chuck a
few hard blows into the PROSTATE
form of the partner of his bosom,
who speaks, and the error is discov-
cred. A match is struck the lamp
10 lighted, aud they look around
Johns legs look as If he had been
blackberrying without pantaloons,
while his wife had black eye and
her golden ringlets were reeking with
custard. Broken china and other
crockery strews the floor, and In.
stead of gore. he is weltering In milk,
Upon the upper shelf pie half de-
and the skeleton of a ro asted
explains the trouble.
ut is the Cat I" exclaimed both.
"You must kill her in the morning
John"
II will, so help me st. Thomas"
In the morniug pussy Is found
sleeping quietly in her accustomed
corner. John takes her out In the
wood-shed and knocks her I'm the
head with the ak, after which he
takes his breakfast, helps to adjust
an oyster over his wife's eye, and
goes to business. At noon, while at
dinner, he feels familiar sensation
against his limbs beneath the table,
and upon examination discovers the
dead" catl living and lively, though
with q countenance somewhat dis
torted with the occurrence In the
woOd -shad