Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1871-08-10
Wit and Wisdom.


unlucky Irishman, her heart ALWAYS
goes pity Pat.
MoTTo for a rejected suitor-Ha
wooed, and she wouldn't He cooed
and she couldn't.
EQUALITY, says a French writer
"means desire to be equal to yonr
superior, and superior to your equal :"
A MAN who has repeatedly tried them
says that all the short cuts to fortrue
are horribly overcrowded.
SOME reckless fellow defines tipnlino
to be 9 holding communion with dis
embottled spirits.
PLAYING at Doctor Ma, dear AL,
won't take her physic I've mixed hen
dose of sand, and she says | must
take some first. Doctors never do. do
they, MAJ
CooK-"Oh, it's your pa, is it. Mas.
ter Tom I Well, the telegraph NAV be
very wonderful, but it don't take me-
in, and if that's your pas writing. I'll
eat my head.
INGENIOUS youth (whispers)-"I see
you constantly stand on one leo in
church May / ask why" Ingenious
maiden whispers -" You may. 1t is
to save my croquet foot"
SOME one wrote to Horace Greeley in.
quiring if guano was good to put on
potatoes. He said it might do for those
whose tastes had become vitiated with
tobacco and rum a; but he preferred
gravy and butter.
WHEN you make cider, select nothing
but the soundest turnips, choppinr
them into sled lengths before Grading
them. In boiling your cider use plen.
ty of ice and when boiled hang up in
the sun to dry,-H, greeley.
AYoUNG man wants to know what bust
ness he had better go into that will
enable him to occupy a high position in
society. Let him try roofing business:
in that trade smart man will soon get
to the top of the ladder.
A GENTLEMAN one day indiscreetlv
asked a lady how old she was. LET
me see. / was eighteen when I was
married, and my husband was thirty:
now he is twice thirty, that is sixty so
of course | am twice eighteen, that is
thirty-six.
A sISGING-AIAsTER, while teaching
his pupils, was visited by a brother of
the tuneful art The visitor observing
that the chorister pitched the tune vo-
cally, said, "Sir, don'tyou use pipe "
&" No" replied Semibreve, with admira.
bic gravity, Il chew"
A SCHOOL committee in a frontier
district are reported to have summed
up their opinion of an examination
which they had attended by making to
the pupils this address you've
spelled well, and you've ciphered good,
but you hain't sot still"
Chow easy these cars ride? observed
a rural traveller on the New York and
New Haven road ''what kind OF
springs do they use . "Saratoga
Springs, replied his facetious compan-
ion. Il have heard of them, re.
joined the rural traveller, in gratitied
manner.
THE following Geographic CORE
spondence is model of breyity and
point "Oil Regions, June 10Th, 1871.
TO Miss Laura: will you go to the
strawberry festival with me Tonight
Please answer quick Yours, Herb
June 18th, lS1l.--To Herb Yes.
Harness up your mules; | am fixing
my curls. Laura.
THIS is rural New York item: 4
tin peddler who evidently bears
charmed life, fell thirty feet with his
horse and wagon through bridge, and
wasn't hurt a bit. His load of old iron
and potash kettles didn't even break
the springs, and the yellow dog under
the wagon never lost step during the
performance.
Mother said little shaver, the
other day, j know what | could do II
| was at sea and the men were all starv'
ing, and they should draw lots to see
who should be killed and eaten, and II
should be me-Td jump into the wa
ter" But, said his mother, "they
would fish you up. " No, they
wouldn't, said he, Il wouldn't bite.
FRENCH gentleman, taking leave OF
English lady" Well, Madame, adieu
As to the conduct of England toward
US, fear we shall retain-pardon me-
the belief we have long had, that you
are nation of shop-keepers. Eng,
lish lady-"Yery well. Mistakes VIII
always be made, We long ago hao
belief that you were nation OF SOY
diers.
ALBERT PIKE. the Arkansas pot5E
furnished the following distich on Inc
subject of the JEFF. Davis scandal
Eve are Bones of one Bone.
In close union on Earth;
And in Sections will meier be DIVIDED,
Ouy cause bit sleeps, to wake IL
berth.
Where the rights of the lost are de-