The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-07-13
marx TMain,s Autobiography.

That inimitable humorist, Mark Twain, eff
fectually burlesques that portion OF creation
accustomed to exist as pensioners upon "ye
dead ancestors" in the following graphic de-
scription of his own progenitors:
Ours is noble old house, and stretches q
long way back into antiquity. The earliest an
cest0r the Twains have any record OF was
friend of the family by the name OF Higgins:
Arthour Twain was man of considerable
note-a solicitor on the highway in William
Rufus time. At about the age of thirty he
went to one of those fine old English places OF
resort, called Newgate, to see about something,
and never returned again. While there he died
suddenly. ~
Augustus Twain seems to have made some
thing of a stir about the year. ll60. he was
as. full of fun as he could be, and used to take
his old sabre and sharpen it up, and get In a
convenient place on dark night, and stick it
through people as they went by, to see them
Jump. He was born humorlst. 6ut ne got
to going too far with it; and the first time ne
wes found stripping one Of these parties, the
authorities removed one end of him, and putt
up on a nice, high place on Temple Bar, where
it could contemplate the people, and have q
good time. He never liked any situation so
much or stuck to it solopg.
Then for the next two hundred years the
family tree showed o succession OF soldiers
noble, high-spirited fellows, who always went
into battle singing, right behind the army,
and who always went out a-whoopIng, night
ahead of it. ,ssz-.
This is scathing rebuke to old dead Frois-
sart,s poor witticism, that our family tree never
had but one limb to lit, and that that one stuck
out at right angles, and bore fruit winter and
summer.
Early in the fifteenth century we have Beau
Twain, called .the Scholar" he wrote q
beautiful hand and he could initiate anybody's
hand so closely that was enough to make q
person laugh. his head off to see it. he had
infinite sport with his talent But by and by
he>took a contract to break stone for road,
and the roughness of the work spoiled his
hand. Still, he enjoyed life all the time he
was in the stone business, which, with incon-
siderable intervals, was some forty-two years.
In. fact, he died in harness. During all those
long years he gave such satisfaction that ne
never was through with one contract week
till government gave him another. He was s. a
perfect pet and he was always fayorite with
his fcllow-artists, and was conspicuous mem
Der of their benevolent secret society, called
the Chain Gang. He always wore his hair
short, had preference for striped clothes, and
died lamented by the government. he was
sore loss to- his country. For he was so regu-
lar:
zPah-gu-to-wah- wah-puk -ke-te-kee- -wis-to-kee
mighty Hunter with q Hog-eye) Twain adorn,
ed the middle of the eighteenth century, and
aided Gen. Braddock with all his heart to resist
the oppressor, Washington. 1t was this ances-
tor who fired seventeen times at onr Washing
ton from behind tree. So far the beautiful
romantic narrative in the moral story-books is
correct; but when that narrative goes on to say
that at the seventeenth round the awe-stricken
savage said solemnly that that man was being
reserved by the Great Spirit for some mighty
rifle against him again, the narrative seriously
impairs tho integrity of history. What he did
say was: ..sss
aIt amt no (hic) no use AT mans 30
drunk he can't stan still long enough tor I,
man to hit him. I (hic) I can't ford to fool
away any more ,am'nition on HIM :"
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