Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-04-22
Facts and EancIes.


Never attempt to form an opinion of
a woman by her sishs.
An early spring-Jumping out of
bed at five clock in the morning.
How would you speak of a man who
was an excessive bore? Would you pot
call him hyperborean
Innocence is like an umbrella-when
once we have lost it, we may never hope
to see it back again.
ConsiStency-Asking blessing be-
fore meal, and abusing the victuals
through the entire meal.
You must remember which are the
most noisy vegetables potato balls,
aud you can make pumpkin holler.
A lady of Mattoon, H., was recently
married to her eighth husband. Nos. 5,
6 and 7arc reported alive and well, but
divorced.
A Michigan woman has written a
letter to the Legislature. advocating the
restoration of the capital punishment in
that State, and asking to be appointed
State executioner.
A down East editor plainly says that
he has original poetry enough to shingle
meeting house the original poetry is
useless.
A mineral which performs all the
duties of soap, and has 10 aromantic
odor, has been discovered in exhaust>
less quantities near Iowa City.
The Wyoming papers say tha. the
people Of that Territory are abont to
abandon woman suffrage as both mis-
chievous and impracticable
A very handsome park equipagc can
be hired in London for about 81 an
hour, including tiger IN uniforn
most gorgeous. A certain kind of style
is cheap in that wonderful city.
In Troy number Of professional
burglars were recently sentenced to 3
years imprisonment, whilst a poor out
cast who stole some food to prevent
starvation vas at the same time sem
fenced for five years.
"Long engagements, writes young
lady in New York, "are going out OF
fashion, young men being convinced of
the stupidity of matrimonial proposals
until they arc in position to fulfil their
promises at once.o
A wife wanted her husband to SYM
pathize with her in a feminine quarrel.
but he refused, saying, I've lived long
enough to learn that one woman is jusr
as good as another-if no. better." And
/, reiorted the exasperated wife. shave
lived long enough to learn that one man
is just as bad az another-if not worse.'' =
4 Law suit FOR the settlement Of the
estate of deceased citizen of Troy.
which has been in the courts for tive
years, was ended on Saturday by the
discovery of his will in false bottom
beneath bureau. which had been seut
to cabineimaker for repairs.
A man in Hartford obtained coffin
the other day from the selectmen oi
tho town for deceased daughter .
Shortly afterw ,rds he was seen trying
to peddle it off ut halt its value and
then il transpired that his daughter
was no nearer the grave than he was
and not half so near the county Jail
Doctor E was the President of a
Southern college. He proftssed to be
very grammatical in the use of his lam
guage, and therefore expected his pupils
| to be likewise. Playing cards was
| strictly forbidden on the school premi-
ses. but as is always the case, this law
| is ofteI, violated by the students with
ont being detected. A number of fresh.
men collected together in one of their
numbers room and were enjoying a
good game of euchre. when knock
was heard at the door "Who's there?"
one exclaimed. "Me" was the laconic
rerly. "Who's me?" Professor L
'sYou lie Ha, ha, ha . Professor +
wouldn't say me He'd say. 1t is | sir. "
The Prof turned his back and went off
knowing that they had him there.
The trustees Of certain church in
Western Pennsylvania having fallen
in arrears with the Minister'S salary for
six mouths, determined to pay him up
in trade They waited on him, and af-
ter the family had gathered around, the
president said "Mr. Brown, we have a
very pleasant duty to perform, and one
no doubt. you are very much interes,
ted in We have come to remnnerate
you for your labor in our church for
the past six months--In fact. we have
brought Your salary. Mr.. Jones, just
undo Mr. Browns salary and hend it
TO him" Jones did as requested, and
handed Mr. Brown the following: 40
feet Of stove pipe, two papers of corn
starch, one felt hat, three kegs of var
nrsh, one paper collar, four palm leaf
taus. and two Bundles bed~slats. At
tire sight Of these Brown became raving