Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1871-12-23
The Humorisf's Column.

Joss bllnuSS, "One Vi tue lunuieSU
scenes ever saw was two olds maids
waiting on one sick widower.7
A city missionary was asked the
cause OF his poverty. Principally
said he, with . twinkle in his eye,
" becauseI h'sve preached so much
without notes p
Some naughty bog in Penn Yam, the
other day, Oraamented an old, Gothic
framed horse, hitchsd to an awning
post, with stolen card sign which.
read: Oats wanted ; inquire within,
Nick's stout landlady apologized for
the meagreuess of her breakfast by
saying that when her hatcher failed
her, she always fell back on her hams.
|" Madam" said Nick, consoling, !" y0u
could not fan back on anything moro
substsAtial." ~ ~
A young married man was remark
ing to some ladies that it was always
the women who ran after the men,
when his wife indignantly said, You
know, my dear, I never ran after you.v
4" That may be- he replied, " but you
took mighty good care not to get out
of the way u
They obtain their wisdom in solid
chunks out in Missouri. A husband
out there, his wife having applied for
divorce, wrote protest to the judge,
in which he said !: Don't you grant
her boss. In my opinion this burned
thing called deyoce has parted many q
man an his wife,
A case Of feminine daring is related
Of a Virginia belle, who rode to the
edge of a precipice, and defied any
man with whom she was riding to fol-
low her. Not man accepted the chal-
lenge; but . tantaliEing youth stood ON
his head fu his saddle, and dared tho
lady to do that. rs
A coroners jury returned q verdict
that the deceased came to his death
from exposure. What do you mean
by thatfr asked relative OF the dead
man. "Therc we're two bullet-lioles
in his skull. The coroner replied,
with q wave of his magisterial hand,
just so; he died from exposure to
bullets ~~~F p.
| One day in Spring, Sir Walter Scott
strolled forth with Lady Scott, IT, an
Joy walk around Abbotsford. LII
their wandering, they passed field
where number ofeyes were watching
the frolics of their lambs.
"Ah,v exclaimed Sir Walter, tis
mo- wonder that poets, from the ear
liest ages, have made the lamb tho
emblem ofpeace and innocence"
"They are indeed, delightful AMI.
malsr returned her ladyship, "cs-
leciaIIy with mint sauce
TAKEN at HIS OFPER.--A friend
SAYS the editor of the Waterford Senti-
mel was taken ut his offer u day or two
since. He Published the following:
We shall insert no marriage notice
unless accompanied by the sum of
sl.-- Exchange.
We will Insert all sucl, notice for q
kiss of the bride.-- Waterford Sem
tincl. l
A few days after n plump-looking
coIorcd girl entered his Office for tlIe
purpose Of informing her friends anil
flm colorcd gentry gcnernlly, that She
had taken to herself one Sambo, for
better or wus.v The editor replied
that he should have 10 charge her
twenty ilvc cents. Shc hesitated %
moment, and then opening n paper
pointe,i 10 tho erttCje IN question. Tho
editor blnsletl, ant the bride turned
pale, but whether they kissed, dc.
Il .S<.ss<..x IN srak6 v>n<
GIVING THE SPEAKER A TALE
Judge winans, who is ordinarily grave
as n grave stone, kept the HOUSE,
laughing yesterday while attempting
TO get the Speakers eye and no obtain
the floor. 1Bfr Speaker cried the
Judge TO Mr. Dawes, who was In the
chair.
Speaker The gentleman Is not in
order.
Winans-Iu like 10 be told, Mr.
Speaker, how you know that before
say what / want. Laughter
Speaker-The gentleman win take
bis seat. - I, z.
Winaus--Is sl,eve anything in thu
rules that requires me 20 be seated DO
fore have saids wordf
: Speaker--The gentleman Il not Il
!. order, and the Speaker cannot proceet
J with the business until order u rcstor
? ed.
? Winaus-would II be straining poin
= or order for me to rcmain standing an
. til Il Ii Il order for me to address tn
Chair Loud laughter. Voices iron
= over the HOUSE, "Mr. Speaker "" Nh
o Speaker Gentlemen viii resum
their seats.
81 Cox-Docs that include the yen
m tIeman from OIItoi
b Speaker--The Sreakek has not 80
y recognized the gentleman from OHIO
II Winans-I thOut as much. hav
8, here, Mr.. Speaker, pair OF spectacle