The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-03-11
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

thinks 1t fashionable and proper to say !e'oty ioi
'duty" eystter for 'either,' fecttchfced ior rec
titude," and so on. Such affectation TOR wo'
man of her pretensio.s is somewhat 'e,1cuous.
An exchange gives the following as proof
that "Life's not AN empty dream
When you hear man say Life Is but a
dream" tread ON his corns and wake him up.
Life is real.
The two-headsd girl are being exhibited in
Philadelphia. They is eighteen years of age and
watzes together beautifully. She are twin sis.
ters-B0st0N Post.
A South Sea Island paper states:
The prudent savages of Ujui have laid in their
winter stock of salt missionary, their almanscs
and meteorological observations leading them to
expect severe season.
Eastern and western papers please copy:
A girl in Huntsrdon county, n. j., was shok.
cd dead the other day by her lovers srm-ths
young man thinking she was "only in fun"
when she struggled. We have been afraid for
some time that something of this kind would
happen. 1t is direct warning to all young
ladies to keep their necks out of arms way.
We like such amusements, even if they are
harmful.
Chicken stealing is becoming in vogue in Sioux
City, according to the Journal YellOw-legged
ones are IN the most danger 1t doesn't speak
of any clerical convention thereabouts though.
The editors OF the Springfield Journal and It's
Jacksonville namesake" are hurting adjectives
at each other ut fearful rate. The "nsmesake"
editor calls the Springfield man "narrow.mind.
ed, bigoted densgoue, utterly without ability or
honesty" and the latter retorts by calling his
Jacksonville contemporary "ittle, sneaking liar
and libeler." The oldest part of the whole affair
is, that in their angry and undignfsd pen por.
traits of each other they are both probably cor.
rect. They seem to understand each other per.
fectly.-Jacksonui'le Independent.
Here is how they manage to keep awake at
church down at Carlinville. The Tunes, publish.
ed at that plsce, says:
Quite row was raised the ether day. A
young man tickled lady in church. She
squealed and the preacher pitched into the wor-
shippers He said men and women should no
more sit together. and had the male portion
tried by jury. Three days the trial lasted; at
last the oppressed went free and now in church
they tickle each other as of yore to keep awake,
in amusing manner.
This is voucbed for by south. western paper ::
A few Sundays ago. while minister was hold
ing forth in a church, a crowd got up cock
gated in the church went out to put stop to
the fight, but waited till the fight was oyer be-
fore Directing. The minister looked out of the
window at the crowd, and said, 1--WE are all
miserable sinners-which licked 7"
The Joliet Republican says:
Vote the Democratic ticket and get your tax
DIN ~.
Bette, 10 have them signed that way BY
democrat than to have them signed in copper
plated beauty and elegance by RADICAL who
will keep the money and swiadls the people.
yn exchange gives the following, to shew
how female suffrage wsuld work:
At Good Templar's festival in Eureka, the
other night, prize plug" hat was offered for
the handssmest gentleman the ladies to decide
the matter by ballot. On counting the ballots
it was found that each gentleman in the room
had one vote, and on inquiry it was discovered
that each fellow had bribed his girl by the offer
of some pleasing little triuket. Talk about stop.
ping corruption at the polls by giving women
the ballot.
The Independent imam" complains because we
said 'the hogs break into houses and root people
out OF bed up at Harvard" We didn't know he
was ono of the victims or we would have refrain.
ed. But there is no accounting for the taste of
those hogs-!Senttnel
Have you no respect for the ''phelinks" of
those hogs?
La Crosse is to have a man oth tannery. A
chance tor Grant when the presidency expires
National Guard.
The democracy propose to tan his hide at the
election if the RAIDS nominate him again 50 that
no will need hide to begin business with.
The Guard recommends the following:
Parties whs want to be divorced, aud can't
stand the expense or name of the thing should
buy "non.explosive" burning fluid. It is net
expensive.
The New York STIR tells of an nveterate ball
goer. who has danced every dance since St.
Vitus invented Dances"
Mr.. Swith, Of Wilton, Iowa, dissatisfied Ut his
new wifes cutting up, gave her . dollar to
''scoot" Cheaper than divorce.
a dlscon-olate citizen Of New Orleans pu, the
following question to one of the papers published
there: Mr.. Edy,ur-That what | wish TO ask
you is whether s,rychnine. what the police give
to dogs won't pisen the human bsinv after 49,.
singers had been fried Please PAT in the paper
how this L., for If iIied ,tyshuinc is pizen, 10
again s.s-ingers. Yours. till pisohed"
An Indian, at Ogden, who neglected to remove
his legs from the railroad track until after the
cars had passed, died III three hours His breth.
rem in view OF the fact tina, his wh,sk.y bot,i.
wa nearly empty. concluded that fire water
killed him. I'gomi@g 2rIjNHe
Thu Adrian Mich, Times says tina, a rccen,