Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-08-04
HuHlOr.

HUHlOF.
The land of nod-an auction shop
What kind of fort is an effort?
Slight Of hand refusing an Offer
Half Sovereign-the Prince of Wales.
Pane annihilators--boys singing stones.
Better It is better for man to die with
out will than against it.
Fashionable definition what is sin p
Nothing that is not found out
Might be- TIE exceeding short coats
worn nowadays, might be called petty
coats.
Caught in her own net-as the man said
when he saw one of the fair sex hitched in
her crinolne.
The way to command respect and plenty
of room in crowd--carry pot Of paint in
each hand
Dr. Cuyler says that 'half of the New
York churches are dying Of too much dig
nifty and too much amen
Street-sweeper to fashionable lady with
train: 'Ef yell walk crost here every morn
in, I'll divide the profits with yer
The key to the mothers heart is the baby.
Keep that well oiled with praise. and you
cali unlock all the pantries in the house.
The report of criminal trial makes one
of the witnesses say: Il saw him round tie
corner That must have been circular
saw s.r
A young candidate for the legal profess
sion was asked what he should first do when
employed to bring an action. ASK for mon
ey OF account He passed.
At negro ba |, in lieu Of Not transfer.
able on the tickets, a notice was posted
over the door, No gentleman admitted un-
less he comes hisself'
An obituary notice says 'the deceased had
been for several years director of bank,
notwithstanding which, he died Christian
and universally respected
Shall I cut this Join Of mutton saddle
wise?' said gentleman. No. said one of
tuc Suc6tb, Cul ~ VI luIcW tbc, iOi tuCu / may
have chance to get bit in my mouth
Speaking of the condition of patient, a
Doctor remarked to his legal friend that Ibis
constitution was nearly gone Then, let
him fall back on his bylaws was the cruel
reply.
Boy said an ill-tempered old fellow to a
noisy lad, what are you hollerin' for when
I'm going by?' 'Humph = returned the boy,
what are you going by FOR when am hol-
lerinY
A brick fell from scaffold yesterday on
the head of passing negro Fling dem
dere peanut shells anoder way up dere, won't
YER was the darkey's advice, as he scratched
his wool.
A carpenter, being asked for riddle,
propounded the following: I picked it up,
couldn't find it; put it down and went
along with it, No one could guess it. It
was splinter in his foot.
A parson reading the funeral services at
the grave. forgot the sex of the deceased,
and asked one Of the mourners, an Elmer.
alder, is this a brother, or sister, Ma.
ther,' replied Pat, only cousin
If a milkmaid, four feet ten inches in
height, while setting on three-legged stool
took four pints of milk from every fifteen
COWS, what was the size of the field in which |
the animals grazed, and what was the girls |
age?
Shall [ help you to alight?' said young |
gentleman, addressing bouncing country |
girl, who was preparing to lump from car.
SIR sweetly replied the girl, but 1 don't
smoke
Two rusties came into village telegraph |
Office to send dispatch. As they left the |
Office the gong Of an adjacent hotel sounded |
for tea, whereupon one of the pair went in
to the air several feet, exclaiming, BY Je.
rusalem. there it goes, Jim!'
What is the annual corn crop OF Ken
lucky? asked foreign tourist of a Ken
tlckian. i cannot exactly say, replied the |
Aentucklan, but know its enough to make |
all the whiskey we want besides what is
wasted in bread
what have you done to further progress? |
said sententious philosopher one day to
Jenkins. jenkins reply was clear and de-
cisive; I've produced seven boys and two
girls, sir The philosopher departed, and
for the first time in his life with an idea in
his head
Happy bridegroom: More money, mad
am more money Have you forgotten that
my money has bought everything you pos
sess--the very dress you stand in?' Fair
bride: mo, sir ! Nor have 7 forgotten
that your money has bought what stands in
it,
A lecturer undertook to explain to vii.
lage audience the word phenomenon. May
be you don't know what phenomenon is.
Well, I'll tell you; You have seen COW,
no doubt. Well, COW is not phenome-
non. Yon have seen an apple tree. Well.
40 apple tree is not phenomenon either.
Rut when yall gee the COW 90 nm tho tree