Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1871-11-16
Happy Marriages.

We have spoken of unhappy mar
riages 1t is but fair that we should give
the other side turn Few people, com
paratively, are unhapp;ly welded. Few
er still. if possible, can be said with
truth to be happily married. The great
mass of married people are doubtless
happier than they would be single. They
have their cups and downs" They have
some pleasant journeying and good
deal of rough road, but they manage to
escape serious breakdowns, and are on
the whole thankful that they are not
positively unhappy. There are many
comfortable matches. There are few
positively happy ones. Ii is really mel
ancholy to see how some people just miss
of felicity. Chiefly because of selfish
ness--not open, willtul seltishness, but
seltishness in thousand DISCUSSES.
You say, Augustus, that you and your
wife are not adapted" to one another.
You do not say it in words You would
not tell the fellows" that you 90 with
And yet that is your opinion 1t is in
your halfdissatisfied face. You say it
10 yourself. You say it to your wife.
DO not look startled You have said it
to her hundred times. You wish she
would read more. Or you wish sho
stay at home. Or, perhaps, YOU wish she
would go out. You tell her so in a way
that says she does not quite satisfy you.
You praised Miss Hardreader in talking
to your wife the other day. There was
no harm I'm that Any woman who can
not bear to hear her husband praise an
other woman is--well that is neither
here nor there. II was the way i'm which
you did il. Your manner said that you
would like your wife better il she were
more like Miss llardreader. We do not
say anything about the unfairness of
your hasty comparison, your lack of con-
sideration of the difference of circum-
stances, your gross injustice. Let US adj
init that it would improve your wife to
he more like your friend. Nevertheless,
ii you had not been selfish egotist, you
would not have said this even by your
manner You say byyour whole air that
you are the head of the firm and that
what you need is wife suited To you
And what does your wife need but hus-
band suited to hery Suppose you had
| set yourself to work to adapt" your
self use your own locution-to ADAI-r
| your tastes, your habits, your feelings.
| to those of your wife. II you were not
selfish, you would have seen that her hap
| pii'sS IL III ullb' ~ Si'"t ''o'Nh" ssSA
! yonr own. And when you began to
adapt" she might have learned the
lesson from your example, which she has
failed To learn from your words. And
two people might have been as happy Az
the happy people in novels, if they had
not thrown their felicity away-a sop to
| their selfsbness.
When will people learn that they will
never get attention by exacting it-that
they can never make people love them
by being disagrceablc II we were only
half so anxious to make other people
| happy AS we are ourselves The really
happy marriages do not come from adap-
tation chiefly. No feeler of bumps can
match people to order and guarantee fe-
licity. An eminent phrenologist mar
ried his daughter on theory Of adap-
tation, and there was n divorce suit in a
few years on the ground of incompati-
bility. The really happy marriages arc
often incongruous enough in their ap-
pearance to outsiders. We have known
people apparently opposed in taste,
widely different in age, who gave evil
dcnce OF being genuinely happy in each
others society, simply because either
was ready to sacrifice to the others hap
piness. Hopkinsianism taught that one
could not be saved until he was willing
To be damned. 1t is true that a husband
or wife cannot achieve domestic felicity
unless he or she is willing to endure I'M
happiness for the sake Of the happiness
Of another-[ Hearth and Home.