Smyrna times., 1871-05-31
MiSce eI/uW II z o IL s.
Social Organ Grinders.

1t is not necessary that every organ-Crinder |
should possess wooden box, with a bellows and |
other apparatus inside Once set our friend. |
Tom Brown, for instance off on the subject Of
Modern Degeneracy, and he will grind away at
his favorlte tune until you are willing to give
! HIM anything hints are p0werltSs) to move
| on. There Is one thing to be- said for the
organ grinder proper-he does sometimes
change his tune, whereas his brother of the
tongue never does No mysterious process,
and click effects variation; but on, on,
on, In the same old key, and the same old
tune.
The members of the tongue organ n-grinding
fraternity are of two classes-the social grinder
and the public grinder. The social grinders
confne themselves to the circle which is blessed
with them for its members, and they are, OF
course, of various kinds Some are politicians,
some phianthropiSts, some laughing phiIoso-
pliers, and some weeping philosophers. Brown
is a social grinder of :he weeping philosopher
species. " tell you, sir, the handle begins
to turn" England is going down Hill her
commerce is deterorating; her army and navy
are IN state of nefhciency; and church and
State are going to the dogs together" This is
the tune. and the variations come in here and
there. This is about the least endurabe spe-
cies of grinder; he is perfectly contented to
point out everything that is wong, without at
IclupIlHp u lInu Il TetucGy lot Ii. e are
most OF us acquainted with one Ortwo political
grinders, and we also know some of the tunes
played by them such as "Vctc by Ballot
and Compulsory Education Alas we pity
him who knows the tune Of Woman s
Rights played by female performer
The philanthropic Organ-9rinder is perhaps
as easy to dealwith as any; he always has some
case IN hand requiring charitable aid, and We
+ can, If we arc so disposed. give him something
( | fo ~, m tl,N Il Il
unwilling to purchase peace in this way, we
have to endure his music. 1t is very seldom
that it will answer to metaphOrically slam the
door in his face-he is not easily daunted.
, The scientific grinder is much dreaded; he
plays away for the hour together, and his
friends look at one another in hopeless silence,
but if you should give him copper, in the
shape OF an approving OH or All" the
!, only change he makes is to addres his melody
to you in particular for the next few minutes,
during which time you have to look as if you
perfectly understood the theory of atoms, and
had formed some definite idea with regard to
= the probable inhabitants of the moon, feeling
. yourself all the time to be despicable hypo-
critic. and knowing that your friends see you.
From some scientific grinders it is impossible
3. to obtain the shortest respite even at meals
,r will they insist upon reducing the various
articles of food to their lowest denomination,
!. by telling us what proportion of this is starch
e or how much OF that is uten, till We begin
to doubt wether solid bread and butter are not
le mere optical delusions after all.
Then there is the anecdotal grinder; some
'e thing is always occurring to remind him Of one
of his anecdotes, and once let him obtain the
cue from some unlucky remark, and he grinds
forth his anecdotes by the dozen. In the
course of conversation gentleman happens tC
mention that he was salmon fishing in the
Highlands last month this is enough, and be
fore the first speaker has had time to give al
account oil his tour, there is preparatory cougl
from our friend of the anecdotes, and he pro
ceeds: "Ah, that reminds me of the tim
when and two or three friends went down t.
Greenwich to taste the whitehall" He thel
goes on to enlarge on his personal experience
Of OF the prime minister; in the midst of whcl
history he is perhaps reminded Of some othe
anecdote, equally interesting, which he faith
fully recounts, after which he proceeds will
the original story. 1t is amusing to observ
those who are acquainted with the propensi
ty of this gentleman, when they have unfor
tunately let slip a leading remark, and the
hear the preparatory cOugh-that is the kne
OF doom. a look Of anguish passes acros
-, their face, which is gradually replaced by loo
No. OF calm resignation, and they are then prepaI
10 ed for the inllictOn. The remedy for this de
- scrlpton OF Organ-grlnders can only be praC
ticed when the audience thoroughly know tn
haDtS OF the performer; the course to be tax
en- is, the moment the cough s heard for all t
be taken suddenly deaf, aud tOtalk together i
loud tones, mingled with laughter, on the frs
topic that suggests ITSELF This may nip tn
story in the bud. If however, the grinder
of the most determined class, it is as we'll t
)S give in az once, for tell his anecdote he will,
he waits the whole evening for it; beside
nd which, it snober for all to suffer together tha
to allow one luckless individual to be taken b
put the button-hole on the first opportunity, an
me receive the whole narration alone and unsuE
ported
To the punning grinder we raust own to hay
ing particular aversion. Puns at their rgl
a time, when they really are puns, we ma
3 laugh ct heartily, but this specimen of tn
' grinder, as his nature is, seems to spend a
>: existence making what he calls puns If he
comparative stranger, and you wish to tres
- him with ordinary respect, the case is mos
painful one. He, perhaps, makes q pun, {
appreciate which it is necessary to ignore a
h, pronounce a 10 like a o, and drop final {
Now, under these circumstances, itiis perfect
impossible to laugh, so all you can do is
:, make sort of gurgle at the bottom of th
throat and pass spasm across the face Th
the miserable man mistakes for laugh, an
goes on rejoicing with his grinding.
/. for The medical organ-grinder is generally
gentleman who, having begun life as docto
). and retired early from the profession, has br