Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1871-03-15
FAcETiE.

The Artists adeu to his picture-You
be hanged.
When does besieged city most resem-
bic peaa-When it is shelled.
The best thing to take before break.
fast-AnOther nap.
When are your eyes not eyes ?-When
the wind makes them water.
Which side Of horse has always the
most hair oui-The outside.
An inquiriug youth asks, Can thin
person properly be called swelll
How to get the exact weight of fish
Weigh him in his own scales.
A lawyers clerk wants to know if
cross-examination can be a goodonatured
one?
The man who sat down on paper of
tacks, said they reminded him of an in
come tax.
The nights in Sweden are so light that
the inhabitants are obliged to carry dark
lanterns.
If man gets up when the day breaks,
can he be said to have the whole day be-
fore him?
The man who said that snakes should
be measured by inches, because they had
no feet, was strict constructonist.
All efforts to make hay by gasIight
have failed, but il is discovered that wild
oats can be sown under its benign and
cheerful rays.
An old lady of Connecticut, having
lost her purse at New Haven, declared,
on its being restored TO her, that she
would not attempt to lessen the reward
which was stored up in heaven for the
finder, by offering him money.
A darkey, left in charge of telegraph
Office in New Orleans, while the operator
went to dinner, heard some one ''calP'
over the wires, and began shouting at
the instrument, DE operator isn't yer"
The noise ceased.
A garrulous fop, who had annoyed by
his frivolous remarks his partner in the
ballroom, among other empty things
asked whether ''she had ever had her ears
pierced" Mo- was the reply; "but
I've often had them Jored!"
He was evidently Rot beyond the reach
of consolation, that sad Hoosier widower,
who replied to sympathizing visitor, at
the funeral of his wife, We'll yes, shall
miss her; she was a very expensive wO
man.
Now, then, my bearties, said gal
liant captain, seeing that his men were
likely to be outnumbered, You have a
tough battle before you. Fight like he
roes till your powders gone; theu-run
I'm little lame, and I'll start now
A jolly fellow suggests the following:
To make clearinghouse hash. take a
little Nv every thing, good dea! Nv
nothing. and throw in something; jam to
a mix, cook over a coal fire, season with
hair-pins, and serve up on a jump.
l saw, Jim, dey tell me dere is man
down east dat is SO industrious dat he
works twenty five hours in a day.
How is dat, Cuffy? Dere are only
twenty-tour hours in day. he
gets up an hour before daylight, you
stupid nigger.'
AT vocal entertainment the other
evening, one of the lady singers wore a
low necked dress. A little girl of three
years, seeing her, exclaimed to the
amusement of those in hearing, "Oh,
mamma, what makes her 90 barefooted
in the neck e.
A young gentleman very conceited and
vain of himself, and who, by the by, was
rather much despised, with face much
pitted by the small pox, was addressed
| by chap, who, after admiring him for
some time, exclaimed: when carved
work comes in fashion, you'll be the
bandsomest man | ever put my eyes on
Old Lady. when does the next train
stop here's?
Porter (erplaining) well. m, ye see,
the next train don't stop ERE at all, and
the next train as stops ERE don't 60 no
further, and the next is through ex
press
(O'd lady is much better for the ex
PLANTATION.
An acquaintance from the country
having visited some friends, aud being
about TO depart, presented q little boy.
one of the family, with half a-crown, in
the presence of his mother. please, is it
good one?' asked the little fellow. sOf
course it u.s. replied the gentleman, sur
prised. why do you ask? Because.
I'd rather have bad one. and then
they'll let me keep it. If get any good
money, it goes into the bank, and | never
get it again