The States and Union. [volume] (Ashland, Ohio) 1868-1872, 1871-08-02
The corn crop is looking unusually

A country paper which recently
spoke of ''buttered thunder" and was
asked by a contemporary if hat had
any affinity to "greased lightning"
manifested some anger in explaining
that muttered thunder was what was
intended.
Another Radical reprobate has at
last got his just deserts. Ex-Mayor
Cahoon, of Richmond, Virginia, after
three trials, has been convicted of for
gerry and sentenced to two years i'm
pIisonment in the penitentiary. Many
more deserves the same fate.
DIR. Foltz still holds forth in our
and we are pleased to say,
has yet in operation his popular Soda
Try a glass. He also has
the renowned Fly Paper-It gives flies
the Hspasmodiication on the diavery"
and they arc s'wiaked" out ofexistence.
"What is the name of your candis
date? ?"
edward Follensbee Noyes."
sEThat's not what the boys of his
regiment called him."
at is not? What did they call
him ?"
ssThey called him a coward. Elk.
A gentleman in Jefferson City, who
was troubled with bed bugs, soaked
the bed with kerosene and turned in,
leaving the light burning. Just as he
was dreaming that a regiment of bugs
were drawing up a set of resolutions,
condemning him for using kerosene,
he was awakened by a fireman point
ing the nozzle OF a hose through the
window. The house was burned, but
the man was not.
Senator Upton, of Kansas, one of
the stifest radicals in the United States
senate declared in Omaha, the other
day, that if U. S. Grant vas nomi-
mated for the presidency he would take
the stump for Mr.. Hendricks, i'll case
the latter should be nominated by the
Democratic party. He further de.
clared that if the State convention OF
his party shall elect a delegation II
the national convention favorable to
the nomination of Grant, he should
stump the state against him before he
was nominated.
A Young lady member of the choir
I'm a church in Lyons, New York.
leaned too far over the gallery during
the ermon on sunday To look at q
new bonnet or something of the kind,
land losing her balance, fell heHdlone
plump upon the head of Il deacon
bounding thence into the aisle, very
much o~emoralized, but not seriously
hurt. The deacon complains of thu
headache. But the singer Joined II
the last hymn.
The Wytheville Wa.) Dispatch re
lates the following Not far from us
a young lady attemptedto leave the pa
ternal mansion at dead OF night, by low
ering herself from her chamber by
means of a pulley and rope fastened t.
the window. She had just reached
the ground, where her lover awaited
her, when her enraged sire appeared
seized the young man, fastened the
hook to his pants, aud raised him sky
ward, leaving him dangling in the All
until morning. The elopement i
postponed indefinitely"
Few men have had so varied anC
sad an experience in pursuit of we'd
ded bliss as Mr.. Francis, of Albany
His first wife killed herself "a year
ago; nine years after, his SECOND
spouse ran away from him six years
later his third consort was drowned
In 1858 his fourth helpmeet was kill
ed, and he, having been convicted O
murder, was sent to prison for life
but pardoned out. In another decad'
the fifth partner of his bosom myste
riously disappeared; and very recent
ly the sixth welded idol of his sou
sought peace and oblivion by hangin!
herself to a bedpost- 1t would be un
reasonable to suppose, after all this
that the old man can be entirely hap
Ply.
A young lady writes from Leaver
worth to the Chief of Police in Kansa
City as follows: s'There is a man i
your place named Johnny Bascombe
who is in love with me, and who wa
driven away from u house last wee
by my old father, who drives ava
every one who comes to court me
Please, for my sake, find out john
nn1 nIHrn him INV n:afY,ra rrhInh
enclose to you, and tell him l Wi
stick to him, father or no father, all
F if you e come up here 1 will com
to see you and thank you. just te
Johnny that his Julia SEM him tn
picture, and he will know it ALL" III
, police official is puzzled to know VIII;
to do about the matter.
A cheerful and gushing ~philosopht
one Narcisse Pierrot, who died It
Gently after making the following vii
y sit is my will hat any one of N
: relatives who shall presume 10 she
tears at my funeral shall be disinheI
ted. He, on the other hand, WI
laughs the most heartily, shall be so
heir. [ order that neither the churc
nor my hearse shall be hung wit
black cloth ; but that, on the day
my burial, the hearse and church sha
be decorated with flowers and gree
boughs. Instead of the tolling
i bells, l will have drums, iddles, ar
flies. Ali the musicians of Montgai
lard and its environs shall attend ii
funeral. Fifty of them shall open Il
procession with hunting tunes, waltz
and minuets."