The States and Union. [volume] (Ashland, Ohio) 1868-1872, 1871-10-11
A True History of Robinson
Crusoe.
BY THE "FAT CONTRIBUTOR"

AN
might call it a notion of his, but it
was an ocean which he was a long
time in getting over, if he ever did
get V it entirely. T~hislongihg for
the sea manifested itself ut a very
tender age, though it is very hard to
think of Robinson as very tender at
any age, his career was so very tough.
When they attempted to teach his
infant LIZ s to pronounce the letters OF
the alphabet they could get him
beyond the C. "a and Il went well
enough, but when he got on the G
there he stuck, a strangely prophetic
indication of what his future life was
to be. When he cried it was ono
sharp, and when he got cold his bark
was OH the g.
As he grew older he yearned con-
stantly to be on the water, to the great
disgust of his father, who was on
whisky. lie used to sit for hours at
a time on a canal bridge near his faith.
er's door, and, as the boats passed I'M
der, imagine he was blowing the
mighty deep. 1t was so much easier
than blowing out corn. He hadn't
any mast to climb, but in the absence
of a mast he would climb Il young
er brother, or any neighbours boy who
wasn't quite his size.
But he sighed tor other chimes. He
was irresistabIy inclined to ramble, SC
much so that he rambsed in his talk,
his ideas being all abroad.
When at last he announced his de
termination to go for a sailor, his
father endeavored to d;ssuade him
from it. "Why' said the old man,
with tears in his eyes and a choking
voice, why go for a sailor when there
are so many other people to go for who
have got money?
Then he pointed out the disadvan-
tages of a life upon the ocean-how
he couldn't be in early of nights, OIL
take long walks over the hills before
breakfast OF GO buggy riding with the
girls, (unless he could borrow the CAP
tain's gigJ, or go to the beer gardens
Sunday nights, or come in when it
rains, or go squirrel hunting, Or at
tend ward meetings, or vote, unles he
happened to be at n or the other of
the Poles or receive a line from any
of his friends, with the solitary ex-
ception of the Equinoctial Line. an
He tried TO show how much better
off he would be to pursue some steady
employment OH land, if it wasn't any
thing more than steadying himself by
4 lamp post. He pointed out the
per,ls of the sea-to,d of the odd
! salts WHO had been drowned in it,
producing its salty flavor, and OF the
difficulty Il green hand encounters in
wading ashore when 4 storm arises.
lie cited rs q warning the case of
another son, who, against the fathers
warnings and exp SITUATIONS, ran away
and enlisted as a soldier in the Mexi-
can war, where lie was killed by fail
ing from the mast head while charg-
ing battery.
Young Crusoe was so deeply affect
ed by his fathers words that he made
up Il bundle that very night and ran
away to seG-how it was himself.
He met with e disasters
before he succeeded in getting himself
ship,wrecked sufficiently to make out
Il narrative for general circulation
The first vessel he embarked CT was
wrecked in Yarmouth Roads, it, being
so dark and stormy they could not
tell one road from another After
that the vczStl was captured by pi-
rates, and all hands sold into slavery
TO the Moors, the Moors icing ignor-
ant Of the Fourteenth and Fifteenth
amendments. Refusing to accept these
Amendments as Constitutional, and
scorning any New De arture,' Crusce
took his departure in the oil manner,
he ran away.
We next find him on hoard a YES
sci sailing for Guinea. They have a
miscellaneous cargo OF trinkets, toys
and triaes which they propose to ex-
change with the inhabitants Of Guinea
for gold dust, elephants teeth, Guinea
pigs, dc. Also, any able bodied At
ricans who, in their eagerness for the
ballot, are ready to leave home. and
work a few generations for nothing.
They voyaged p~roSperouIy for many
days, but ut length Il great storm
arose. IF l recollect right it caught
them when they we're in seven de-
grees of Masonry, twenty-five min.
utes and fourteen seconds to Il prize
fight, r. NJ, north latitude, with the
wind blowing north east by east by
south sou-west by north-nor-west by
east by C east by west by we-west by
by jimmy, this is too much sailor
lingo for me.
Il was too much for Crusce rs we'll.
The tornado increased in viC1 ence, and
the waves rose higher than he had ev-
err known them to be, Eel when gold
was $50. This vessel was wrecked
on an island, and every soul lost ex-
cepI our hero, who, in his bewildered
state, thought it rather rough to ave
Robinson and use the rest Of the
Crusoe.
He washed ashore, after being pref
ty thoroughly washed on the sea, and
as soon as the waves subdued he built
a raft and brought away from the
wreck a few such necessarIes as a keg
of beer, a hoop skirt, a billiard table,
a box of paper collars, adeck of cards,
a pain of corsets, Il compass, 4 case of
Walton's Bitters, a bottle of hair dye,
an umbrella, a volume Of the Con-
grcssional Globe, a boot jack, a piano
stool, a cigar holder, and a bottle of
Kerr's Renovater. With these
articles he hoped to get on very COM
foltably.
1 am thus particular to mention
this. because he didn't act as many
do-go and sue the insurance COM
panies before trying to ave anything.
The island proved to be Juan Fer
nandez. 1t is a lonely inhabited island