Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1871-05-05
The Josh Biflings' Papers.

PLY without guile.
They make thare appearance among
mankine good deal az the wind dug,
"whare it listeth."
How they are exazactly born haven't
bin able tew investigate, but they are so
universal at times that hav thought
they didn't wait tew be born, but took
the fust good chance that offered, and
cum just az they am.
They make their annual visit about the
fust ov MAY, but don't get to buzzing
good till the center ov August.
They stay with us until kold weather
puts in appearance, and then leave a
good deal az they cum, just az they am.
Menny ov them are cut oph in the
flower ov thare youth and usefulness, but
this don't interfere with thare census, for
thare IL another steps right into thare
place, and heirs thare property.
The fly IL no respector of pussons; he
lights onto the pouting lip ov sleeping
darkey Just az easy az he duz onto the
buzzom of the queen ov buty, and will
buzz an alderman or hod-carrier, if they
git in hiz way.
Flys morally konsidered are like q
large share of the rest of human folks;
tha won't settle ON good healthy spot
in man, not if tina can find spot that
IL leetle raw.
Thare principal food IL everything,
they will pitch into dead snaik or a
quarter ov beef with the same anxiety,
and will eet from sunrise till seven o'clock
| in the evening, without getting more
than phull.
They viii eet more and hold less, than
emmy bug we know ov. @
The fly haz remarkable impoverish-
ed memory you may drive him out ov
your ear and he will light on your tore
head, hit him againly, and he enters
yure nose, the oftener you git rid ov him
in one spot, the more he gets onto anoth-
er; the only way tew inculcate him with
your meaning iz tew smash him up fine.
/ Naturalists don't tell US about the So
shull habits ov the fly, but believe they
hav temperate habits, and although they
hang round grocerys good deal, never
saw a fly the wuss for liquor, but i hav
often seen liquor the wuss for flies.
/ They have big appilignt for getting
into things, they are the fust at the din
ner table, and alwus take soup and don't
leave until the cloth IL removed.
4 Flys see great deal ov good society,
they are admitted into all circles, and if
they remember one half they see and
hear what world Of phunny sekrets
they could unfold but flies are perfectly
honorable, and never betraY konf-
dence.
What would some lovers Civ, if they
could only git fly to Olab, but fly is
perfect gentleman, he eats oph from
your plate, enjoys your conversation, sees
sights, and haz more phun and privileges
than prime minister or dressing maid
but when you come to pump him he il
as dry in the mouth as salt kod6sh.
!, There IL something fly will blow,
: but he won't blow sekret.
J, Flys, think, must be born whole, for
never saw halfborn fly, they are all
of a size when yu fnst see them, like a
paper of pins, and never git any smaller.
: / don't know of more happy whole
souled honest kritter among the bug dis
pensashun, than a hanson, square-built
fly, taking free ride in Central Park,
with the mayor and his wife, or free
lunch at Delmonico's with the minister
from England, and then finishing up the
a business ov the day by sleeping upside
down on the ceiling ov mi lady's bed
: chamber.
But there IL plenty ov pholks whe
; can't see any phun or religion in fly
whose whole aim is to set molasses traps
for them, to chase them out of the house
4 with sled stake and then clear across
= plowed lot onto the next farm, tew gel
up nights in thare stocking feet, tew wor
&c ry them with the tongs, tew drive them
! tew the brink ov despair. and finally ruiz
IL them with deth.
= Flys tickel me, but they don't maxi
~ me sware.
!, A fly, the dear, little, social innocent
kant make me sware, not even an alb
II breviated dam.
. / despise emmy man who swares, it i.
p not only wicked but alwus smells o
whisky.
A New York housekeeper thought sh,
would call on her nearest neighbor. Sh
was about entering the door, but hesitat
ed thinking that the family might be tax