The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1871-05-13
Josh Billings on Corn.

1t got Its name from Series, primitiff
woman, and in her day, the goddess ov
oats, and sich like.
korn IL sumtimes called n1aise, and it
grows in some parts Of the western coun-
try, very amaizenly
l hav seen it out thare 1S foot high Il
don't mean the aktuat korn itself, bnt the
tree on which it grows
Korn haz ears, but never haz but one
ear, which IL az deef az an adder.
Injun meal IL made out ov. korn, and
korn dodgers IL made out ov injun meal,
and korn dodgers are the tuffest chunks,
ov the bread purswashun, known to man.
Korn dodgers are made out of water,
with injun meal mixed into it, and then
baked on a hard board, in the presence
ov hot fire.
When you kant drive 10 penny nail
into them, with sledge hammer, they
are sed, bi good judges, to be well done,
and are reddy to be chawed upon.
They will keep five years. in damp
place, and not gro fender, and dog bit
with one of them will yell for week
and then crawl under the barn, and NUT
Ter Tor TWO DAYS more.
hav knawed two hours miself on one
side of korn dodger without produsing
emmy result, and think could starve to
death twice before could seduce a korn
dodger.
They git the name dodger from the i'm
megiate necessity ov lodging, if one IL
hove horizantalIy at yu in anger.
1t IL far better to be smote bi 3 year
old steer, than a korn dodger, that il
only three hours old.
Korn was fust discovered bi the injuns,
but WHARF they found it don't know.
and don't know as care.
Whiskee, (noble whiskee,) is made out
ov korn, and whiskee is one ov the great
est blessings known tew man.
We never should have bin able to fill
our state prisons with energetick men,
and our poor houses with good eaters,
If it want for blessed whiskee.
We never should have had emmy tenn
perance sons ov society, nor prize fites,
nor good murders, nor phatt aldermen,
nor whiskee rings, nor nothing, if it want
for noble whiskee.
If it want for korn, how could emmy
boldly git horned
And if it want for Citing horned, what
would life be worth?
We should all sink down to the level of
the brutes if it want for Citing horned.
The brutes don't git horned, they haint
got emmy reason nor soul.
We often hear ov ''drunken Jrutes, -
this is compliment to oxen which don't
belong few them.
Korns also haz kurnels, and kurnels are
often horned, So are brigadeer-ginerals
Johnny kake is made out ov korn, so
il hasty puddin.
Hasty pudd;n and milk is quick to eat.
All you hav got to do IL to gap, and
swallo, and that IL the last Nv the puGdin.
Korn WAS familiar TO antiquity Jo-
seph was sent down into Egypt after sum
korn, but his brothers didn't want him to
60, so they took pity on him and pitted
him in pit
When bis brothers got back hum, and
were asked WHARF Joe waz, they didn't
acknowledge the korn, but lied sum.
1t has been proved, that it il wicked to
lie about korn, or emmy oY the other vege-
tables.
There is this difference between lieing,
and saving wood, ii IL easier TO lie, es-
pecially in the shade.
Korn has got one thing that nobody
else has got, and that IL kob
This kob runs thru the middle of the
korn, and is as phull ov korn as Job was
ov biles.
l alwus''feel sorry when think ov Job,
and wonder how he managed tew sit
down in a chair.
Knowing how few set down, square ON
bile, without hurting the chair, IL one
ov the lost arts.
Job was card, he had more pashunce
and biles tew the square inch than IL usual.
One hundred and TWEEN ty-five akers ov
corn to the busbel is konsidered good
krop, but have seen more.
l hav seen corn sold for 10 cents a
bushel, and in sum parts of the western
country, it IL so much. that thare aint no
good law against stealing it.
In konklushun, if you want tew git a
sure crop ov korn, and a good price for
the krop, feed about 4 quarts ov it to a
shanghi rooster, then murder the rooster
Immediately, and sell him for II cents a
pound, krop and all.