Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1871-04-06
Wit and HumOr.
10 protect chest-Put lock on it.

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CARPETS are bought by the yard, and
worn by the foot.
QUERE-Can man eating dates be
said to be consuming time
WHATEVER Midas touched was turn
ed into gold. In these days, touch n
man with gold and he'll turn into any
thing.
A VERY particular swain sent his
marriage to the paper with the add
ton, "No Cardamons. He said he de-
spised Authorizations.
AN lmpudent youngster came very
near getting his ears boxed the other
night at Wedding party for wishing
the bride ''many happy returns of the
day"
"Do you think that raw oysters are
healthy ?" asked a lady to her physian
Eyes" he replied, 81 never knew one
to complain of being out of health III
my life"
"MY DEAR" asked John, on observ-
lug new striped hose on his only heir,
why have you made barbar's poles of
Ernest's legs 2" Because he's little
shaver was the reply.
A LADY in London got the idea into
her head that the devil was in her, and
hung herself. If women go to hanging
themselves for little thing like that,
they are going to be very scarce, that's
ALL
OLD Moneybags says that n girl with
an income of three thousand dollars q
year or more is always an object of in
| terest, because she has SO much prin-
cipal.
Madam" once said an adept to his
partner at whist, who asked his opinion
of her play, expecting compliment,
"you played one card quite correctly
that was the last"
A THREE year old. who frequently
heard the word "Amen" ut church, one
day asked, "Mother, why don't you
say amen 9"" Why should say amen {? &"
questioned the mother. "Why, to
stop the prayer "
The coal troubles remind us of an
old story Scene, Boston; time, morn
ing % Is it cold, Billyl', "Werry
cold, father 90 Is the cutters froze,
Billy2" VERY hard, father
Dear, dear Put up the coal two
pence pail, Billy, God help the
poor !"
A LITTLE girl in West Virginia, bust
ly engaged working pair of slippers
for birthday gift to her father, said
to one of her playmates 81 think
you are real lucky, for your papa has
got only one leg, and you needn't work
| but one"
A LADY was looking at the beautiful
chrome of "The Birthplace of Whit
! tier" when a bvstander remarked that
it was painted by Thomas Hill. "Oh,
yes" she replied; 81 think he must be
great artist. He painted the Yo
Cemeteries !"
81 MEANT to have told you of that
hole" said a gentleman to his friend
who was walking with him in his gar
den, and stumbled into n pit full of
water. NO Natter said the friend,
blowing the mud and water out of his
mouth, "I've found it."
A GENTLEMAN learned in the origin of
social customs was asked what was the
meaning of the custom of throwing an
old shoe after a newly-married couple
as they started on their trip. Said he:
"To indicate that the chances of mat
rimony are very slippery"
A GOOD story is told of German
shoemaker it Utica, who having made
pair of boots for gentleman whose
financial integrity he doubted, made
the following reply to him when he
called for the article: "Der poots ish
not quite done, but der bill ish made
ont. y
A CONNECTICUT Democrat sent his
son to New York to complete his educa-
ton. After short time the son wrote
to his father that he was studying
Horace" On learning this the pa
ternal parent wrote: "Come home |
don't want Greeley to make a Republi-
can of my SON"
Ar recent meeting at Danbury, CT,
where contribution was taken up, a
wealthy member of the congregation
dropped twenty five cents into the con-
| tribution box. The amount realized
being little more than that required,
the wealthy member quietly suggested
to the deacon who passed the box, that
his little amount might be returned.
And it was.
A CHILD while walking through an
art gallery with her mother, was attract
ed by statue of Minerva. "Who is
that ~ said she. "My child, that is
Minerva, the Goddess of wisdom.
"Why didn't they make her husbands"
because she had none, my child.
"That was because she was wise,
wasn't it mamma" was the artless re-
ply. e. ~
A DABBLER in literature and the fine
4 arts, who prided himself on his Ian