Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-12-14
Humorous Readings.

Rushin' is now in order.
Affaire de cour-A dog fght.
Tsmmsny's beyerage-Tea-weed.
Sic transit-Thst scross the ocean.
The gardeners motto-Lsttucs plant.
An era of dismay at Hslifsx-Cbolers.
The best place for the blind-The sec
side.
The dark ages-ssussges.
Trap doors-oarrisge doors.
a water-spout-a teetotsl speech.
A moving scsne-A game Of chsss.
The best counter sign-"No trust"
How to get along well-Dig it deep.
The best time to cut corn-when it
aches.
A welcome ship at any tims-friend-
-hip.
The smallpox is appearing In many
spots.
Jacob successfully wstsred Labanis
stock.
Are auctioneers naturally forbidding
class of mem ?
To fsrmers-How many clods make
one wise-scre
A little boy defines snoring as "lstting
off sleep"
Virtues. like essences, lose their frsg-
rance when exposed.
A mint authority-Lsmb Tor he ought
to be.l
The center Of gravity-s comic song
book.
Cheap generosity-aiving a piece Of
your mind.
A noisy piece of property-Ths cup
that cheers.
A handy tune-Fortune. 1t is not
common meter.
Mixing In society-tsking grog with
your friends.
The place for picnic-The Sandwich
Islands.
Sun worsbipers-Wesk mothers who
idolise their Boys.
Sign of the autumn season-Ths states-
man and stump.s
Ought not a hermit to call his house
msn-shunP
A pro-nostioation-ths promise of su
abundant harvest.
A new version of an old song-losths
the poor Indian!
The last glass before going to bed-ths
looking glass.
A western settlement-tsn cents on ths
dollar, sometimes.
In California the current year has been
the best of grape years.
Barrel makers are doing q staving busT.
ness out in Indiana.
When ia small pish-pond like bird
eager When there is perch in it.
Motto for a French exiIe-"Absinths
makes the heart grow fouder.'
Omaha editors. formerly called Oma-
hogs, are now christened Nebrasksls.
When is that domestic Joy. the baby,
"too thin ?" Why, when it's toothin', of
course.
1t is q queer woman who asks no aues-
tions. but the woman who does is the
querist.
To lawyers Car. - on make q blind
man liable for his bill, if it is payable at
ights
Why is an umbrella in wet weather
like worn-out horse7 Because il is used
up.
Old maids are said to be rare in China
but rare old china is frequently found
among old maids.
Plowboys make bad shopmen-they
have generally picked mp habit of hsv.
ing their hands in the till.
1t is proposed to put Hitro-glycerine
into trunks to warn baggsge-men against
handling them roughly.
-Coroner's juries at La Crosse call i.
"probsble murder" when a corpse is found
with seven stabs in the back.
Teacher-"Chsrles, what do you know
of Napoleon p Charles-"Hs begins
with great n and ends with little n"
An agricultural bat orthodox contribu-
tor thinks Bosz married for fear bis Ia
borers should think him q Ruthless
master.
What part Of the proscenium Of thea
ter il like the wreath of q conqueror
Why, the green bsizs losy-), Of course.
Tennessee hires couvicts ta work on the
railroads, which looks like Offering pre-
MUM to them to make tracks.
"wil. you have me S,rsh ?" said
young man to a modest girl. "No, John
but you can have me If You like"
Mummies do not look as though they
were in a hurry, yet il is certain that at
first they must have been pressed for
time.
1t is time now for punsters Of the peri
cd to make their annual note Of the an
onaly that friess cloth furnishes the
warmest coats.
well, to tell the truth, didn't think
much Of the close of the sermon Hus-
you we're thinking more
of the clothes Of the congregation
A little four yesr.old being asked BY
his mother if be would not ike to have
wings and be an angel, replied, No, ma,
Id rather be hawk and live on chick
ens,'
A wag observing on the door Of house
the names of two physicians, remarked
that it reminded him Of double bsrreled
gun-if one missed, the other would be
sure to kill.
When she was interregated % to
whether she had brought g mandamus to
compel the reception Of her vote, Tennis
Cis fAin Is said to have replied. No. bat
no mand-us shall prevent our voting
An old lady complaining Of the bad
quality Of 9 ham to the provision dealer.
who assured her that it wss . regular
Westphslis. That it Il, iadssd,' sx.
clsimsd the dame, and The worst failara
I ever had: