Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-07-28
Wit and Wisdom.

UAO
"2TH PIKs" appear on vase in a
Danbury boarding house.
A CRYING-sIN-Taking babies to the
play.
WHY are lovers like armies? Because
they get along well enough until they
are engaged.
New ORLEANS papers advertise that
an enameled ladys watch has been
lost"
SAKE graphically describes a certain
case of beefsteak as 90 an infringement
on Goodyear's patent"
IT is said that the bachelor looks out
for No. l the married man for No. 2.
No class are said to put more real
feeling into their vocation than pick
pockets.
A CHICAGO sportsman's idea of heav-
en- /" would have boundless prairie,
with an eternal September, and I'd have
with me an everlastin' gun and a never
dyin' dog"
"Now, my little boys and girls" said
teacher, want you to be very still
so still that you can hear pin drop"
In minute all was silent, when little
boy shrieked out, I" Let her dropV"
SOMEBODY has written book entitled
"What shall my son be ?" Upon which
some one replies, If the boy is as bad
as the book the chances are that he will
be hanged"
"IF YOU will all only do wrong and be
sorry for it, you will go to heaven" is
being extensively quoted as the last re-
mark of an Indian who was hanged re-
Gently in California.
"Ir is curious fact" says an entomo-
logist, /" that it is the female mosquito
that torments u.s." A bachelor would
say that it is not all curious.
WHAT should a man carry with him
when calling upon his affianced Affec-
ton in his heart, perfection in his man
ners and confection in his pockets.
A YOUNG gentleman who had just
married a little beauty says she would
have been taller, but she is made of
such precious materials that nature
couldn't afford it.
Two card playing friends were passing
through pine forest, when one asked
the other this audacious conundrum
"Why cannot the proprietor OF this for
est fell his own timber?' " Because no
one is allowed to cut when it is his own
DEAL"
"WHY, you'd better knock the door
down What do you want?'' "Och,
my darling don't let me wake any OF
your family. Pm just using your knock
er to wake the people next door. Pm
locked out, dye see and they've niver
a knocker."
THE place of safety is a target-feld:
Infuriated Command ding Oficer-Hi,
there, get away, you madman-get away
from the target Easy minded Lunatic
Hold on, guv'ner, ! amt as mad as !
look. | was here all day yesterday, and
found it much the safest place in the
field.
COMMERCIAL INSTINCT--Dugald: Did
We hear that Swaney McNab was ta'en
up for stealin' a COO ?" Donald: Hoot,
toot, the stipit bodie Could he no
bocht it an no paid for't?'
any LOVE-" said Mrs. Maydup to her
spouse. on returning from her drive, /" |
have had hair-breadth escape" Ah,"
said the brute, "you were well out of
danger # it was the same hair that
you've got on now"
EMILY CARlsBRoKE, who has already
" "officiated" at the weddings of three of
her friends, and is still disengaged, says
it is all very well for the gentlemen to
propose the bridesmaids, but that she
wishes they would go a step farther, and
propose to them.
IT is curious to observe what a mud
die children sometimes make OF their
lessons. A little boy in mission school
in New Bedford, being asked to state
what he knew about Samson, promptly
replied, " He was Jesus's brother, as got
hung up to tree by his hair.
THIS is the very latest article in
obituary poetry, used by the Philadel-
phia Ledger, which is high authority on
finances and obituary poetry
Death you are sore.
A mothers heart you tore,
father robbed;
But welcome be the will of God.
A FENIAN over the waite. was called
on for toast. He gave the following;
All hail the American aigle,
Proud bird of freedom all hail
The fowl that no one can invalgle,
Or put salt ON its beautiful tail.
CHARLIE what is osculationW
"0sculation, Jenny dear
Is learned expression, queer,
For nice sensation.
I put my arm, thus, round your waist,
This is approximation;
You need not fear
There's no one here
Your lips quite near
/ them
"0h, dearP
Jenny, that's osculation." ....G "a
AN Albany man claims he has got
steam navigation by the neck now. He
has a sort Of a ring-a-round-a-rosy con-
trivance, which consist of small paddles
which run over the deck and under the
keel, from stem to stern, in endless