Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1871-11-25
WIT AND HUMOR.

Tfwit is badfnagc, what mus il b'
in youth.
The stone to do a good turn-tho
srindstone.
What ought always to he up to the
mark? A bullet.
Honey bees are winged merchants
they cell their honey.
18th piks," appears on a vase in q
Danbury boarding house.
What word may be pronounced
| quicker by adding two more letters 10
lii? Quick.
| To make hens lay perpetually-hit
| them well directed blow on the head
with club.
Is there any affinity between a man
who lives by chance and a rascal who
| lives by hazard.
People are always advised to put
the best foot forward. What is to be
done with the other?
1t is at the approach Of dinner time
that we most sensibly feel "the empti-
ness Of things below"
Ifyou are afraid you may scream
when your tooth is being drawn, you
should hold your jaw.
To cure toothache you should hold
certain root in your hand-the root
of the tooth, you know.
Mrs. Jane G. Swisshelm is editing
no, conducting, that is pastorating
"a Baptist church in Pennsylvania,
administering lead through n
tube" is what your papers call it in
Michigan when one person shoots
another.
"Rarcr than the Phpnix,n says De
Quincy, sis the VirtuOus man who
will consent to lose u good anecdote
because it is n lie"
The language of flowers: We often
hear of the pink ofpropriety.,' Can
We not with equal propriety speak Of
the "lie-lack of truth.
In Boston when n lady rides out
she Is said ito take an airing;n in
Fittsburg, on the contrary, her object
is to take a smoking"
1t is sad fact that the ancestors of a
great many men, who boast Of their
coat Of arms, had no coats to neither
their arms or their backs.
A Detroit capitalist, worth $l4,N9
called at the police station the other
morning, and reported the loss of 4
box of matches worth eight cents.
When you find your passions ris,
ing never COnfine or suppress them.
How many boilers have been burst by
too close an imprisonment Of their
contents.
Browning: "Well I always make it
a rule to tell my wife everything that
happens.n Smithkins: ooh my dear
fellow, that is nothing, tell my wife
lots of things that never happen at all.
Miss Laure White, of South Abing-
ton Massachusetts,, tried to commit
suicide by throwing herself in front
of a railway train, but the cowcatcher
picked her up neatly and saved her
life.
An old rail-splitter in Indiana, put
q quietus upon young man who
chatfed him about his bald head, in
these words: Young man, when my
head gets as soft as yours, / can raise
hair to sell.n
An exchange says: 1--WE are in the
receipt of two poems, one on the
Throbbing Brain, and the other on
bleeding Heart We will wait until
we receive one on the Stomach Ache
and publish all three together"
you are beautiful, and ! adore
yOu,n said a gentleman to the belle Of
the evening. For my part, hate
you, and think you frightful,n - she re-
torted. ~ believe you, frank girl.
You don't tell polite ialsehoods, like
me-"
A little thing in sabbath school
was asked by her teacher "if she al
ways said her prayers night and morn
ingn No Miss, | don't.n Why, Mary!
are you not afraid to go to sleep in the
dark, without asking God to take care
of you and watch over you till morn
ing" "No Miss, ! ain't-'cause I
sleep in the middle.n
\ London gent walking in Dub
lin for the first time, got into easy
conversation with native, and chalt-
ed him considerably, windingup with
this smart observation: "Now, tell
me, Pat, where would YOU be ii the
devil had got his due?n Pat replied,
with fcigned simplicity, "Sure, thin,
I'd be alone, your honor"
Martha, my DEAR said loving
husband to his spouse, who was sew
eral years his iu'siH' What do you
delighted with the idea. You
t-e.ii,pt when Mr.. Morgan moved out
there lie was as poor as we are, and in
thrgeyears he died, leaving his widow
worth hundred thousand dollan.n
A Western lady writes to noted
editor on behalf Of her husband:
"WOn't you,p she says "sce ifvou
can get him situoiion as cashier In a
bank in New York, =. somethiny of
that sort? He is very quiCl. Of figures
II you can't get him that plaoS will
YOU please get him one as conduct6s'
| know you can do it. And II you
can't get him a situation there, won't
YOU lend him So, 900, so he can start q
hat store here? He will pay you, and
will see that he does.
In "the domestic life of Thomas
Jefferson the granddaughter Of JEFF
ferson relates Yankee trick that is
not well known in history. When
Mr.. jefferson died July 4, 1926 an
enthusiastic Democratic neighbor
OF Albemarle, Virginia, observed
that Jefferson, by dying on the Fourth
Of July, had raised himself and ms
party one step higher in the
temple of fame. When the rumor
reached this partisan, a few days later
that Adams also had died on that
day, he exclaimed in n passion, that
"it was q d-d Yankee trick"
Chunks Of Wisdom,