The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-03-21

resi- III THIS bosom, don t you do lt-her
husband or lover may be round.
Reg" A Vermont girl wants to know if
the woman's rights movement includes
the right to do the courting; if it does
she is in for it,as the men in that vicinity
are very bashful.
BSS~ A boy who heard the quotation,
" a little learning is dangerous thing"
wished to stop going to school because
he was afraid he should not live long
enough to get past the dangerous point.
DGS" A visitor to New York said he
stopped at a house kept upon the Euro
pean plan, which, according to his expe-
rience, is to charge So much for the use
of the room that you have no money in
the morning to invest in breakfast.
neA. A reporter thus graphically de-
scribes the effects of storm ON the
North River: While the storm was at
its height the vessel kneeled to the lar
board, and the captain and another cask
of whisky rolled overheard"
D9ya A clergyman was reproving a
parashioner for his habits of intemper-
ance and told him that whiskey was his
greatest enemy. " Are we not told in
Scripture to love our enemies 7" said the
irreverent topper. Yes, john" replied
the minister I" but it is not said we are
to swallow them"
BGg" A colored inebriate was lying on
bench the other evening, in his cell at
the central station at Providence, when
the officer made his rounds of inspection.
Unable by the ftful gaslight to clearly
discern the prisoners features, the officer
asked: I" Are you colored?" "No,"
answered the enfranchised drowsily, al
was born So"
BSy~ Frank Brown, the comedian,
used to tell of an honest Philadelphia
German who got excited over an account
of an elopement Of a married woman,
and exclaimed:
" If mine wife runs away nit anoder
mans wife, will shake him out of her
breeches, if she be mine fadder, mine
Got p
BeSp A stout old gentleman and his
wife gaze at their children-a pair Of
twins that are encircled in each others
arms in the cradle.
Wife-Do look at them, husband !;
amt they precious pair of lambs?"
Husband.-(very innocently) eff they
are pair of precious lambs, pray tell me,
love, what am :"
Bs5~ A German friend of ours, last
week, upon the arrival of his second pair
of twins, said to his family physician !:
GOV you blease, toctor, it ish peter dot
a sthop be boot to dose dings. One bair
ov quinz, / dinks, ish aller right, but
more ash dat ish played out, don't it p
OATS what's de matter NIT me. You
know how it is myself"
pas~ At printers festival recently
held in Lowell, Massachusetts, the fol-
lowing toast was presented
"The printer-the master of all trades
he beats the farmer with his Hoe, the
carpenter with his rules, and the mason
in setting up columns; he surpasses the
lawyer and doctor in attending cases, and
beats the parson in his management Of
the devil.' g.sd
BSy- The Aroorstock "Pioneer" says
One evening last week, couple of chaps
evidently from the rural districts, came
into the telegraph Office for the purpose
of sending dispatch. The message was
taken by the operator, and the pair pro.
ceeded down stairs. They had just
reached the sidewalk when the gong at
the Smell House" was sounded for tea
Whereupon one of the pair went into
the air, exclaiming: "By Jerusalem,
there goes the message, Jim !"
BGS~ Tommy B. one night returned
to his domicil in a state of uncertainty
that was ridiculous, Pushing heavily
against the door, it opened, and Tommy
fell sprawling across the threshold. His
prolonged and Intellectual efforts to regain
an erect position aroused his wife, in bed
in the next room, who said:
"Tommy, is that you? What is the
matter?" . -
ayes, it's me; nothin's the matter
'cept this bees got too much honey on
its wings to g-g-git into the hive"
BeS" A story is told at the expense of a
legal gentleman, who was formerly well
known in Norwich, Conn, who now lives
in Oscosh. One Smith had failed in bu-
siness and sold out, and having two or
three tough little bills, had given them to
this lawyer for collection. Smith went