The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-02-11

FEPPERs, SALT AND sPICN

~ Ao' 'os OCCASION, ana has come bach
converted. When it first came home It b.u,, -
its own accord to play spiritual air. Of its ovn
composing, and when We undertook n mai. :.
play that we'll known profane tun, of N.
Devils Dream" it indignantly snapped all III.
strings. and now rsposes in q trance Of sn;ri,uaI
quietness. A gentleman who was there cam.
out when it was over, and On being asked what
he thought of it, replied: II am convinced
yes, am thoroughly convinced; I slv.v.
thought was IN ass, and now I am convinced
OF the fact! At Senecs, in this county, Yam.
kee met Dutch acquaintance. whom tho follow.
ing occurred:
Ysnkee.-Hans, do you SOC the cross o. the
top of that new church steepls?
Hsns-Yaw!
Yankee.-How is that for high
Hans-Wa.t makes you want always to get
chokes on Dutchmans1 Never mind, 1 sell some
oder mans NIT him
BY that time another Yankee came up and
Hans, waking at the Yankee very confidently.
addressed the third party ~ follsws:
Hana-Ssy, Mister Prowu, do YOU acc dot
sdeeble on dot shurch, NIT der gross on de don
Brown.-Yes.
Hana-Ho0 htgh is dot?
Brown.-Wsll. don't know, az 1 never meas.
ured it.
Hana-tL,ughing Dots where de choke come.
In Dsy sold me by dot same choke" Han.
went away almost tickled to death about his
'choke "..... They have = clock in the court
room. at last. The juries will now know whe.
to briag in their verdicts; the lawyers how long
they have been speaking, and thirsty individuals
will know when to 60 out and get drink >.
The evening when Charlie Huff was on a wide.
loose, couple Of merchants clerks, hearing that
no one seemed brave enough to sttemp, his AZ.
rest, each said very soursgeously, "It | wer. an
efhcer Id show him whether I WAS afraid Of
him Or MOI" Soon after making this remark
they were walking along past Hut's saloon door.
when Charlie suddenly popped out, without
thinking OF them, when it 10 said they broke and
ran for their store fast ~ their thin legs could
carry them, aud when they got in they hid bs.
hind the safe and remained there until they
heard that Charlie had been safely lodged in j.l.
"Brsve boys are they" .... The city lad wao last
week ~ss dragged out Of bed At the uarsasons.
bly, early hour Of midnight TO cat his breakfast,
supposing it 10 bs almost morning: washed,
combed bis hair and ordered his hash" and all
that. before be discovered the joke, got even With
his country cousin, who perpstrstsd the joke, BY
sending him asxt day to = millipsr shop to got .
log chain, and TO . barber shop to get bis horse
shod Lately Jimmy McClain, while walking
upon the icy entrance 10 the postofiss, slipped
and fell. dislocAtins his ankle. He has been laid
up and hobbling about on cruteh and cane sev.
eral weeks, aud when he gets we'll enough TO
6ght, will 'pitoh in to the United States for
not renewing the ice from that plagued old let.
ter shop. ...A new mslady has broken out in
the town of Serena, in this county. I. is known
- the "Donstioa Fever" Whom tho patient is
attacked by this miserable disease, he or She
generally Vie, for tho fem alec seem most suscepti
BILE Of taking it-she 10 seized with a spssmodie
charitAblensss towards some one, and q. once
packs up spare quilts, extra knives and forks,
bsgs Of potatoes, crooks Of butter, baskets Of
eggs, jars of lard, and the like. and sends them
or takes them herself to the supposed object Of
charity. At such times she often makes war
Of determination Oh the ducks, geese, turkeys
and chickens. Then she subsidies into m.lan.
choly mood, and sits up nights and weeps be.
cause she hasn't moro to give After this she
takes to her bed. Whole nsignborhoods are fire.
quently taken down with the "darnation fever"
as an i:revereut fellow calls it, and up to this
date no satisfactory cure has been discovered.
Weak catnip ten and thin ten.penny nail soup
have been tried, but without satisfactory results.
80. Mr.. Ebersol has made US proud by neatly
engraving the name of "Beemus" on . silver
plate on our Sunday walking stick. Thsrell
be.a-muss with any ono who may dare to steal it.
80. Warmer thought We needed better quail.
ity of ink Wherein III TO write our pepper aud
salt" as he couldn't read it in the last paper, the
ink being 40 dim, and to remedy the difficulty,
he has placed upon our table a superior quality
of jet black ink, which he sells. We have War.
ren.er-d him not to do it again I'VE sawa
follow ct the masquerade, tho other evening,
disguised to resemble Bowman. He was fail
ure. He couldn't get of single joke, and then
bis boots wero only l3s, four sizes too small for
the original B ... Why need Ravens 5 Hackiu.
lay never be in need of sggs1 Am.--Besauss
Mac Kin lay We hope no one will get eggs.
asperated at this eggs.cellent joke. If any one
should want to fight anybody, please eggs.
ouse u.s. .''
The friends Of the Rev. Mr.. Hubert met at
Tho house Of G. Ruger, in Serena. on Friday