The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-08-03
HUMORS OF THE DAY.
moncy-Ouicksilycr.

A Capital Lcttcr--One containing
Il remittance.
The politicians fay0ritc cxercisC--
Running for Office.
The Ohio river Is going into n de-
cline. 1t keeps its bed and is quite
low.
An Oregon toast over glass OF
the ardent. "Ilcrc's what makes US
wear old clothes"
A San Francisco paper mentions
the arrival in that city of "Col. ST.
san b. Anthony"
Why was Eve not afraid of the
mcascls? Because she'd Adam.
,Tldy toasts the three ages of mans
life Engage, marriage, and dot
age.
At Madison, Wisconsin, there has
been a tub race, the tub being
manned, as well as drawn, by geese.
A Chicago merchant offers for sale
apples and peaches, "cvery one war
rantcd to contain a prize"
A Connecticut man ardently wants
to "rcpresint the micandick and Ia
boring men in the state assemble
irrcspcctiv Of pollytics, rclijion or
cddicashun."
A Minnesota juror addressed q
note to the Judge, in which he styled
him as "Oncrable Jug"
The latest Of tho puns on the
Presidential family: "The reason
Grant likes tho scashore Ia that Nep-
tune ruled with a Try-Dent."
Al Irish magistrate, consuming some
boys for lettering in the street, said:
al everybody were to stand in the
streets how could anybody get byI"
Punch says, q perfumer's business
ought to be very lucrative. or all
business it brings in tho best per.
sccniagc.
Some ono, describing a bad dinner
to which he had been invited, said
that "thc meat was cold, the wine
was hot, and everything was sour
but the vinegar"
The Columbus (Ohio) papers don't
have any editorials now, the alleged
cause being that, "the thermometer
is up to three shirt collars a minute"
A western train advertises that
each train carries q coroner and
six jurymcn for the convenience OF
passengers.
An apprcciativc admirer Of the
New Orleans PicayuRc has presented
its editor with a wasp's nest-to
enable him to fight the Bee.
Citizens of tho oil regions express
value in terms of oil barrels. Thus
they speak of q young lady as wear
ing IN cighty-six barrel opera suit.
An old lady from one of the rural
districts astonishcd q clerk in one of
the stores, n few days ago, by In
quiring if he had any "yaller devel-
opmcnts SIGH as they did up letters
in"
1t is said Rufus Choate was once
applied to to defend criminal, and
declined fatty, cyclaiming: $50
stepped in blood and no money? He's
a lost mani"
"Advcrsity," says western
preacher, takes us up short and sets
us down hard, and when it's done
with us we feel as cOntentcd as q
boy that's been spanked and set away
to COOL"
At some of the summer boarding
houses the butter set before tho pcO-
pic is like a defended fort-that il
rather too strong to be easily taken.
"Thcm soldiers must be an awful
dishonest set" said an old lady
for not q night seems to pass that
some sentinel isn't relieved of his
watch"
That genial philosopher, Josh Bill
lings, says, a large policy of life In
surancc doesn't exactly make a
mans corpse smile at a widow, but
it helps amazingly to get another
fellow to do it for him.
The Louisville Courier-JOurna
hopes that it is true that Alexander
ii. Stevens has gained nino pounds
since he became editor, but fears
that when weighed he had one
of his heavy editorials in his pocket.
Huqucquaquonunk is the ugly
name of a pretty village Of New
jersey. Its population is very small,
thrcc-fourths of the inhabitants hav-
ing died Of lock-jaw, in vain efforts
to pronounce the name.