Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1871-10-12
HUMOROUS.

"Poor fellowr' replied the forlorn
husband.
What are the most disagreeable ar
ticles for a man to keep on hand? Hand
cuffs.
The man who ran away from his
creditors became tired, and concluded to
take arrest. EA g.
Why are lovers like armies? Because
are engaged.
What is the difference between an oys-
ter and a chicken? One is best right out
of the shell, and the other isn't.
The bloom of youth will fade away,
the brightness of the y will grow dim
with age, but a miserable little corn will
never pass away.
An Irishman, upon seeing a squirrel
shot from a tree, said: "Faith, that's a
waste of powder. The fall itself would
have killed the squirrel"
A cynical man says the reason women
are so fond of writing letters is hat
they rejoice in the opportunity of saying
all they wish without the possibility of
interruption.
Josh Billings says, sFMost people de-
cline to learn only by their own expert
ence, and 1 guess they are more than
half right; for I don't s,pose a man
could get a correct idea of molasses candy
merely by letting another Teller taste it
for him. I'D -@-tsEs
. Ingenious and thrifty Chicago young
sters make money by initiating the war
BILE Of a cat under the windows of nerv-
Gus people, and selling the boots and
boot-jacks that are thrown at them.
Get your smoked glass ready for the
next eclipse, which is to be a total
shrouding of the sun, and visible in the
United States. 1t will come off in June,
1854. To-
When a man is unable to tell the time
by his watch because there are two
hands. and he d~oesen't know (which
to believe" it is a ~tolerably sure sign
that he has partaken of more refresh
ments than his nature requires.
aYou here, Jenkins! How the deuce
did you find your way out?' ,o
aFind my way out! Out of where?
What do you mean?" =%%S
"Why, the last L saw of you, you were
lost-in slumber.n
"oh-ah; we'll, I rode out on q night
marer' r >
While recently engaged in splitting
wood. Jones struck q false blow, causing
the stick to fly up. 1t struck him on the
law. and knocked out a front tooth.
cay" said Bill, meeting him soon after,
ssyou've had a dental operation perform
ed, 1 see.n eyes," replied the sufferer,
sfaxei-dental." r - g.,
seYoU CAN KEEP THE DoG."-One of
our best railroad conductors, says the In
d~ianapolis Mirror, is as fond of dogs as
Coleman Wilson is of cats, and generally
has a large supply on hand at all seasons.
Lately he came into possession of a New
foundland, which didn't turn out well,
and the conductor was at a loss to know
how he should dispose of it. In this
emergency a happy thought struck him,
and on his next trip the dog occupied a
berth in the baggage car till the train
reached a little station away down the
road. B.
sHere, Jones,'' said the conductor,
as the station agent appeared, "take out
this dog and keep it until the owner calls
for it."
GAIL right; any charges"
"Colleet fifty cents ; you can keep the
money! if you want to-"
Next time the conductor passed that
way the agent hailed him:
"Look here! nobody's called for that
dog yet" q
aNot called? You don't say so. Well,
the OWneru D0 dlOuSS OOH. l'-f a.
"What's his name?"
"Name? Oh, his names Smith
"But s'pose he don't call"
"Oh, if he don't call you can just Keep
The dog, you know"
And at last accounts Jones was keep
ing the dog and cursing the delinquent
Smith.
THE MORAL Use OF A MoRTGAGE.-Two
negroes, bargaining for some land, the
price OF which was 5000, said they had
only half as much money. every WE'LL"
said the land agent cpl take. $3.50 down
and a mortgage for the balance in one
year." Sambo scratched his head a mo-
ment and replied, "But, I say, boss, s'pose
a Teller hain't got no morgitch ?" The
agent explained that he would take a
mortgage on the land to cur the bal
ance. "But, boss, L hain't got no NOR
glitch" The agent again explained, but
the darkey couldn't see it, and disclaimed
the ownership of a single "morgitch."
The other darkey here came to the
rescue, and "tlucidated the pint" Says
glitch is? Den I'll tell yer. A morgitch
is jes' like dis yer: S'pose yer pays de
boss yer $3.50 down; den yer gives yer
word on de honor of a Niger dat yer'1
pay him de udder $3.50 in a year. Den
s'pose on de last day OBJ de year yer pays
de boss SAB, and don't pay MIN de uQQer
dollar, why den de morgitch says de boss
can jes' take all de money n de land,
and you don't have nuff1n-not a cent.
Golly, boss, a morgitch makes a niger
mitey honest."I[Southern Paper.
A SLEEPY DAvID.-In a certain small
town on the Mississippili lived a man who
made horse trading a business. He
bought up horses for a city market, and
was considered pretty good on a trade.
One day, a long, lean, queer, green
looking specimen of the Western coun-
try arrived at the dock with a boat load
of horses. He inquired for the horse
jockey. r .,
daddy sent me down with some
horses,' he said in a half idiotic tone.
"Who is he ?"
daddy"
~'What do you want for your horses 2"
daddy said you could set your price,
was the response.
"Let me go down and look at your
horses,'' said Brown, and accordingly
they were soon at the boat.
Brown examined the horses, and
named the price he would give for this
one and for that, and the country bump
kin made no objection, although some of
the offers were not more than one-half
the worth of the animal. One of the
b~ystanders said to the countryman that
ba woc bainO cheated bnt he returned