The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-04-30
Star and Catholic Messenger.
NEW ORLEANS. SUNDAY. APRIL 20. 1sTI.
WIT AND WIsDOM.


WIT AND WIsDoM.
The young lady at Allemagoozleum who was
up with the lark is now down with the rhema-
tism.
The greatest spain annihilator" is said to be
an Indian boy, who has smashed 100 windows
this year.
Women as telegraph operators have proved vsd
right through y fellow.
The chap who took the thread Of life to sow
the rent OF . house has gone and invented .
patent point for cross-eyed needles.
Why 10 = cab borse the most miserable Of all
created beinGsf Because his thoughts are
ever on the rack, and his greatest joy ID woe.
"You are . coward" said a low oockney to .
IL No, I beant," said the countryman, have
nothing to do with cows. Pm shepherd"
countryman who attended a race said he
didn't see why tho sportsman should be SO
end Of it, when they waited half an hour for
the beginning.
English style-" We'll, if hatch hand no
hand q harr hand hess hand hee don't spell
'orse, then my name hain'S 'Enry I'LL" Ameri-
can style" Waal, if horse don't spell boss,
then you can shoot NO."
Aphrenologist, remarking that some persons
had the organ of murder and benevolence
piled, that doubtless those were the persons
who would kill one with kindness"
"Young man." said q minister to outh of
his CONGREGATION, lido you know what relations
you sustain in tho worldf" YES, sir; two
tend to sustain them much longer"
Leavenworth editor, in quest of special at
fractions for his paper, says, What we want
for this column is personalities, as mean as pos
sible Expense of lawsuits to be betrayed by
the writer-funeral expenses by u.s."
Many of our city tradesmen having signs in
their windows, "Selling at less than cost" aud
others of n similar nature one more enter
prising trader has outdone them by the 10 low
ing "Sell;ng at cost-and more too."~
There is something exquisite in our country
mans reply to the European traveller, when he
asked him if he had just crossed the Alps.
.Wa'al now you call my attention to the fact,
guess did pass risin' ground spell ago."
"Mr. Jones,' said Mrs. Jones. with an air of
triumph, don't you think marriage is means
of gracep well, yes" growled Jones, ~
breaks down pride and leads to repentance"
Some people are bound to keep up appear
ances. There's Mr.. -, for example, who is
in the habit of buying soup-bone in the mar
ket, and sticking an old pair of turkeys legs
through the top of his basket to make . show
on his ray along the street.
The other day little shaver was expatia-
ting on the injurious effects Of tobacco Said
he, % The OIL o. tobacco is SO poisonous that q
single drop of it on tho end of dogs tale will
kill man in q minute" Tho little shaver
had got things slightly mixed.
"rlease, Mr.. Smith, papa wants to know if
you won't lend him the model Of your hat p
to make q scarecrow to keep the corn ont Of
our turkey -buzZards." Exit precocious youth,
followed by Smith and new axe-helve.
Judge B., in reprimanding a prisoner, among
drel as your honor"-here the culprit stopped,
but finally added, "takes to be-" '.Put
your words closer together" said the Judge,
reddenipg.
A little timd attorney, presenting D copy of
q writ to . bluff auctioneer, apologised for his
unfriendly visit AS he was merely performing
an UNPLEASANT duty Of his profession. Seer
tainly," replied the knight of the hammer,
"you must attend to the duties of Your pro-
fession, and SO must to mine," and ilnmedi-
ately knocked him down.
An old lady, slightly blind, while engaged in
futile attempt to sew buttons on yonng Au-
gustus' new jacket remarked, "Drat these
buttons! can't find the holes, and they split
EN-" To which replied young Augustus,
Now, look ere, granny, you just let my pep
permint drops alone. You've split more'n half
of 'em already"
"Father," said small boy, "did DIR. Thomas
die rich Z" ayes, my son." was the reply, "Dr.
Thomas was a very energetic man by work
ing early and late he accumulateda fortune.
He was an early bird, and you know. Thomas.
the early bird catches the worm" Eyes" said
the boy; "but, father, if he was such an early
bird. how come sill the papers SO say the late
DIR. Thomas y"
Mrs. Matthews (the widow of the famous
Charles) tells the somewhat well-known story
of Lamb taking the sea-baths, giving direc-
tions to the man who was to dip him, stutter-
ing them out, "I-I-Pm to be dip-p-ped." Eyes,
sir" and down he went Rising and regaining
his breath he repeated, I-I-Pm to be dip-dip-
ped" Eyes, sir" and down he went again.
A third time the dose was repeated, and then,
when nearly sutfocated, Lamb managed to
stutter out, "O-only once"
The Duke of Fronsac, nephew of Marshal
Richlieu, coming out of the opera one
night, in splendid dress, embroidered with
pearls, when two thieves managed to cut off
his coat-tails. He turned into his club, where
everybody laughed at him, and SO he found
out what had happened, and went home.
Early the next morning n well dressed man
called at the Dukes hotel, and demanded to
see him at once n matter of the most vital
Importance. Monsieur de Fronsac'w was awaken
ed. Monsieur" said the visitor, am an
officer of police. Monsieur, the lieutenant of
police has learned the accident which hap
pened to yon yesterday, on leaving the opera.
and have been sent by him to request You to
order the coat to be placed in my hands, that
We may convict the offender by comparing it
Hyit fha LOTT toll Tha