The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1871-04-05
FUN ALIVE.

FUN ALIVE.
From the NJ Y. Sun.
From its very beginning the San Domingo
commission has been funny Rough old Ben
Wade, sensible and profane; DIR. Howe, with
his dyspepsia. watching his stomach; Presi-
dent White with his refined, scholarly ideas
and changeable purposes, form as incon-
gruous set of fellows as could be got to-
gether. Then around them they had comi-
cal crew of buggists an! shellists, bent on the
most useless sort of science; while General
Sigel, that brave man of war, wandering
aimlessly about, made the righteousness of
the affair something delicious.
But, as if all this was not enough, here was
a commission to investigate a Spanish coun-
try without man in it or attached to 1t capa-
BILE of speaking Spanish. One of the most
peculiar incidents of this inability to talk has
been described by Mr.. Sumner
"Mr Wade went to San Domingo determined to
be pleased with everything he saw. No sooner had
though he could not speak word OF Spanish, nor
Mr.. Baez a word OF English. Sc they sat for
each other like a couple OF lovers. Mr. Wade is
very enthusiastic Baez, though everybody else
knows what sort OF a man he is"
While they were in San Domingo our Jolly
old commissioners went out Cor a ride, ac-
cording to the fashion of the country, on
bullback For the history of this excur-
sion we refer to the lively columns of the
CdpitdE:-
''The bulls of San Domingo are quiet, inoffensve
set OF animals and the one ridden by the chairman,
sturdy old Ben Wade, a specimen animal OF
great power. The three rode off, surrounded by ma
uves and followed by correspondents some walking
and some carried on the back negroes so that the
cavalcade presented very imposing appearance.
pleased with his beast He said that the slow, un-
dulating motion promoted digestion and stimulated
anthem as written by his ACCOMPLISHED lady, to
the tune Of John Brown. Whether it was
customed Gust never We having heard eAe Of @ oar great great
martyr alarmed it or not, the specimen bull under
away. bull's running is not much as to speed, but
It Is strong and very loltng. Our venerable sx-
retain his seat and disappeared from the eyes Of his
friends and followers In the deep forests that
abound adTs din IN that island When again seen he was
from his sturdy person. He swore terribly at the
mssioners to dismount, SO that the chairman OF the
commission could continue his important excur-
sion. This the other commissioner iatly refused to
do. In this way the quarrel began"
What became of President White in this
imbroglio is not clearly stated by the writer;
but we infer that he must have been the COM
missioner who was ordered by Ben Wade to
dismount, and who refused to obey On that
refusal we tender to Mr.. White our hearty
congratulations 1t was manly and reason
able. If Ben Wade could not stick on his
own bull, it certainly was not the duty of the
President of Cornell University to go afoot in
the mud in order to give Ben Wade another
bull to ride on. Ben ought to have run and
caught his bull for himself; or his friend
Baez, whose hand he had clasped like lover
for two hours at time, ought to have had a
spare bull at hand, and well-broken one,
too, for Ben to mount as soon as he had
scraped the mud off his clothes But how
ever that may be, it must have taken a good
deal of courage in President White to sit i'm
movable in the saddle of his own bull after
old Ben had required him to dismount.
In the whole history of the commission that
is perhaps the occasion on which the highest
moral power was manifested. What fine
subject for painter. Old Ben in a rage-
"He ripped. he tore. he cursed, he swore
He swore he wouldn't go home any more,"
unless President White would get off and
surrender his bull. This is one side of
the picture-the tempestuous side. The
other side should represent President White
in perfect calmness, mildly yet firmly refus
ing, as a philosopher should refuse, SO un.
reasonable demand to give up his bull. II
is a scene worthy the genius Of the greatest
artist.
The commissioners were getting into dis
putes with each other all the time. They diff
fered in judgment and in wishes at every turn
One of their most diverting squabbles was al
Port-au-Prince, on the question whether they
should go straight to Key West or meandel
about with the Tennessee to other parts oi
the West Indies. They disputed about it il
the cabin till after midnight. Ben Wade wal
for Key West; President White wanted to e.
over to Santiago de Cuba and DIR. Howe
thought some other place would be NOR,
beneficial to the interests of his country anc
his bonds. Finally, old Ben could stand i
no longer, and bidding his fellow commits
Rioners to go to -, he went off to bed. Th
upshot was that next day the Tennessee saile
for Kingston.
And SO il went on to the end of the chap
ter. Fighting and dsputing, swearing an
scolding, were the order of the day, and %
the night too; and through all Presiden
White maintained his temper, though DR.
Howe could not maintain his digestion. An
now they have been having fight at Wash
ington to finish with. Ben Wade wrote hi
report, but White and Howe would not sig
it without additions and embellishments tina
disguised Ben. OF course, they must com
to some agreement at last, or they would al
cover themselves with derision; but, how
ever they patch up this final controversy
they are a pleasant and amusing set. Joh
Gilpin with his ride YVES nothing to thes
laughable explorers. The only consolatio
about it all is that Grants scheme of annexs
tion was 80 ridiculous that nothing but sue
ridiculous commission could properly Civ
it the finishing stroke.