Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1871-06-27
VARIETY.


too late, for n sinner blown up in a powder
mill could make his peace with heaven before
he fell to the earth, Father Taylor said. DO
not trust in such a chance. brethren; don't
wait for your diving hour before you repent;
perhaps YOU will never be blown up in pow
der Inill"
The mosquitoes are so plentiful in the
AdirOndOcks that they can't all get on a
stranger at once. so they stand around in re-
liets aud wait for their turns. ike customers
in 4 barber-shop. They exhaust n man in
three days, and then let him alone, like de-
serted oil will to accumulate more blood
- An old lady, on being examined as to
her place Of legal settlement was asked what
reason she had for surprising her husband had
legal settlement in that town. The old lady
said: He was born aud married there, and
they buried him there; aud if that isn't set,
ting him there, don't know what isl
An old joker at the Century club said
elf all the gentlemen were placed on Man
haitian Island aud all the ladies' on Staten
Island, and there was no method of commu.
nIcation but by swimming, it would be incaI>
culable the number of poor women who would
DO drowned in trying to get over"
At Lincoln. Pa. school teacher whipp-
ed girl, when the l5tter's mother took whip
aud threshed the teacher until she got down
on her knees aud said to her, Now Law me
down." after which she sued the mother for
damages The teacher wants the School Di>
reciOrs to call out the militia
"A newly-marricd man complains of the
high price Of ducks lie says his wife re-
Gently paid for three of thcm-a duck of a
bonnet, duck Of dress and duck of a
ParasOl. lie says such dealings in poultry
will ruin him.
The Illinois saTans are discussing cow
milking, some favOrin-: the fore aud aft, and
others the diagonal style. One patriarch
believes that every man should be left Tree to
milk according to the dictates of his own con
science.
The best medical authority says that
when lady says no, and means yes, she has
the amesc aphasia, arising from embolus
thOmbus. That has long seemed to US the only
correct solutions Of such actions.
On certain occasion of an eclipse in
Virginia, a colored individual became greatly
eiated. ''BreSS de Lord" said he. de mig
gers time hab come at last, and now ives
gWine to hab black SUM-
-"Bridse,," said mistress to her Irish
servant, "wherc's the gridiron :" "An shure.
ma'an, Use just after giving it to my sisters
own cousin, O'Flaher'y; the things so full Of
holes, it's no good at all"
A lawyer in New Orleans. seeking to
imPeach the testimony of a witness said:
Are you not in the habit Of drinkiny?' Sure,
yer Honor, l would choke, clsc,' was the
prompt response.
They have discovered sal,retre cave
in
for Dent county. but saltpetre won't save the
Dent company in the White House after the
next election.
-'H1llO! I say. what did you say your
medicine would cure?' oh, it'll cure any,
thing. 'Ah, well, I'll take bottle maybe il
IL heel my bOOts-they need it bad enough"
-"My dear" asked John, on observing
new striped hose on his only heir, why have
you made BARRIERS poles Of Earues,'s legs -
'Because he's little shaver" was the reply.
"A young man sent some money to New
York firm to get sOnething good for those
contemplating matrimony." lie received
several bottles of soothing syrup.
= The pitiab!O plea of the defendant in a
breach of promise case in Iowa is that he
WAS in earnest about marrying that girl, uutil
no go: that rheumatism"
The conduct of tho man who beats his
wife beats anything but that of man who
slams the door in the face Of his wiie's re-
lsIiODs bangs al.
"A miscr having threatened to give a
poor labOTer some blows with stick. / don't
believe you said the other, for you never
give anything.
The High, Low, and Broad Church par.
ties Of England are cleverly designated Att
tudinariaCs, Pla,itudinariaus' aud Lati,udi.
nariAus.
-AtmOsPhcricalkn oved &c is not thorough.
y distributed to our schools a boy beiu |,
asked What is mist?' vaguely responded, AN
umbrella.
"A Boston paper Apologies to a worthy
archbishop, because the types made it call
him miserable, instead Of venerable, as it i,>
tended.
The Louisiana Ledger touchingly pic
lures the malevOlcnt pOtatO-buS sitting in
Western fence corner and waiting for BUSH
ness.
"A clergyman recently spoke of a woman
having the pearl drops of affection gIisteuing
on her cheeks. lie meant to say she cried.
-1tis singular that when mans accounts
are IN the most crooked condition, he is said
to be in Strengthened circumstances.
One who knows says, that in the coun-
try they blow horn before dinner, but in
town they take one in.
= His pill Grimagc is OVER as the drug
Gist's widow said when she ordered an epitaph
for his tombstone.
There is landlord in this city so mean
and ezactins, that he sees a rent even in a