Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-09-07
wit and EEumlar.

likely it'll bawl.
-"Mr. Brown, owe you a grudge;
remember that" / shall not be frightened,
then for | never knew you to pay any
thing that you owed"
The Pittsburgh Post proposes General
George B. Mcclellan for the Presidency.
That's a sort of Pittsburgh PoSt-n90rteBz
nomination.-B0stonA Ad0ertiser.
"A man in Cleveland broke his thigh
in kicking On a boot. 1t is not stated
whether his wife was talking to him at
the time about coming home in that con-
dition.
An Indiana paper refused lately to
publish eulogies gratis, but added; "Wa
will pnblish the simple announcement OF
the death of any OF our friends with
pleasure"
"A careless Connecticut pastor ordered
an omission in a weli-kuown hymn, 70
that after singing 'Sh8ll such worthless
worm SIS | be found at thy right hand 7"
the next verse sung was, prevent, pre-
vent it by thy grace" etc.
''Veritas." of New York city, has con-
tributed $500 to the conscience fund Of
the National Treasury, aud says he feels
much better and life is no longer bar
! ben to him.
A man who married buxom Irish girl,
greatly to the horror of his mother and
sister, made the following defense: "Ti
married an American girl must have ~
Irish girl to take care Of her, and eau
not afford to support both OF them"
The Chicago RepuJ5ieqn in ~ rnatsi-
monial licenses, as follows: TIE Clerk
of the County Court wore a diamond pin
in his shirt-front, and q sardonyx smile
on his brow, as he sluag ont di-peusations
to throw teakettles at each other - the
following couples, yesterday"
A few days ago. says the New York
| CoDlnleTcjaE AdcertiseT, one OF our cotem-
poraries contained quotation OF gold IN
New York a. follows:
God il New York yc-terd y clo.ed al
112 1-2"
Our ''buInmer Aldermen is the respect
ful way in which a Chicago editor speaks
of bis City Fathers, who he claims "3e-
serve 10 be placed, not IL tie Bridewell,
but on the gallows.
a pew-holder in Miadletown, Conn,
| finding a stranger ia his pew, on a recent
t0uIA1 0A AH@EEA 2lAAu bAAs ID AAf% EAs44@4s
and then joined deyoure5ly il the hymn,
Come 10 the House of Prayer"
a professor who felt little rheumatic
lay down on lounge, and requested his
friend W. to rub him after the movement
cure style. ". beat him on the chest.
" How hollow it sounds = said K. who
was looking on. That's nothing" said
W, "wait till get to his head"
Papa" said little boy to his parent,
" are not sailors very small men p
No. my dear answered the father;
"pray, what leads you TO suppose that
they are so small =
Because" replied the young ides,
smartly, " I read the other d4y of q sailor
going TO sleep il his watch"
The following is from the Terre Hsute
Mail: I" If the party who plays the ao-
cordeon in this vicinity at nights, viii
only change his time occasionally, or sit
where we can scalp him when the engine
has steam on, be will bear Of something
to his advantage"
"You are about to remove, are you
not 2" Why, you wrote mp " Selling
off" Yes, every shopkeeper is selling
of" You say, No reasonable offer re-
fused "Why, l should be very IN
reasonable if did refuse such an Offer
" But you say, Must cio:e en- Satur-
day" :" To be sure. You would not
have ne open OF Sunday, would yoa 2
Fanny, don't you think that Mr..
Bond is a handsome man p "Oh mol
can't endure him. He il homely enough"
Well, he's fortunate, at all events an
old aunt has Just died, and left him fifty
thousand dollars" Indeed, is it true?
Well, now | come to recollsct, there il a
certain noble air about hitn, and be has
fine eye-tbat can't be denied
where do you hail from ?" queried Z
Yankee Of traveller. " Where do you
rain from ?" " Don't rain at all" said the
astouished Jonathan. Neither do I
hail, SO mind your own business!'
People who make speeches to Sunday
schools must keep an eye out for a line Of
retreat when necessary. The man didn't
who asked school which they would
prefer TO do, "Steal a dollar or have 4
dollar stole from them p and immediate
ly from little urchin came the candid
answer, "PIease, sir, Ia rather steal the
dollar"
An authority on travelling ia Norway
says: alt must be borne in mind that TO
see that country a man must he prepared
TO rough it; and one who cannot Jolt in q
cart, sup on porridge, and sleep With a
flea, had better never go there
A school master in Bridgeport, Conn,
who asked Il small pupil OF what The s1r-
fsce Of the earth consists, and was prompt
ly answered, "land aud water" varied
the question sli ightly, that the fact might
be impressed on the boys mind, and
asked, What then do land and water
make ? to which came the immediate re-
sponse, " Mud"