Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-11-03
HunOr.

A put up Job,-An auction.
The person singular-Adam.
An inn.vocatiop bar.
Brothers in arma'-Twin boys.
The best 'help'-Help yourself.
Not at home'-an out-and-out lie.
Coming to grief-Meeting trouble half
way.
A Western sign of distress--hogs at half
mast.
How to get roaring tradc-Buy men
agesis.
Cool proceeding-An ice man clipping
with nice girl.
WHAT fruit does newly married couple
most resemble green pair.
What is that which is full of holes and
yet holds water ? A sponge.
A noted bachelor has fallen into the
meshes of net it is brunette.
What did the spider 90 when he came
out Of the ark? He took fly and went
home. lg
Caught in her own net,' as the man said
ghen he saw one of the fair sex hitched in
her erinoline. ea
His preferenc-A man who was asked
what sort Of wine he preferred, replied -
Other peoples
Swedish brandy is favored with red ants,
but fellow we know says he has an aunt
favored with brandy. 4eJ
Happy thought by cheap shirt-maker
on his own workwomen /: Thee come like
shadows, sew, departv
Pa, isn't that man in what they call the
spring time of life ? Why, my son Be
cause he looks SO very green
A Wisconsin man who had lost three fin
gers by buzz saw, consoled himself by
taking three fingers of whisky. ~
An exchange wanting to compliment a
Live Stock Journal says it is edited by
man whose head is full of live stock.
Why is woman trying her corset like
man drinking to drown care? Because
in solacing herself she becomes tight.
4 paper out West has for its motto -
Coed will to all men who pay promptly
Devoted to news and making money
Josh Billings says he will never patron
ize lottery as long as he can hire any
body to rob him at reasonable wages.
4 man is in no danger as long as he
talks love, but when he writes it he is i'm
yaiing himself on his own pothooks most
effectually.
Took all out--A Scotch editor apologies
for the lack Of rhyme in his paper by say
ing that his marriage the week before took
all the poetry out of him.
[fa young lady wishes young man to
kiss her, what papers would she mention
No Spectators no observers but as
many Times as you like.
An old gentleman of eighty-four having
taken to the altar damsel Of about sixteen,
the clergyman said to him, The font is at
the other side Of the church.
DR.. Beecher says: i do not believe there
is such thing as he.work and she.work.
never saw q woman do mans work handily,
but [ liked her all the better for it,
An old gent put quietus upon young
man who chaffed him about his bald head in
these words: Young man, when my head
gets as soft as yours can raise hair to sell.
A cynical admirer of Mr.. Seward says
shere is now but one thing left for the great
statesman to complete the roll of human
experiences and that is to 60 up in bal
loon.
A Southern editor, evidently hen-picked,
says that if in our school-days the rule of
three is proverbially trying, how much
harder in after life do we feel the rule of
one?'
a rich man asked poor person if he had
any idea Of the advantages arising from
riches. 4 believe they give rogue an ad,
vantage over an honest man. was the an.
swer.
A reader writes to the Baltimore Sun
that he takes no stock in the new women's
club He says the old woman's club is
enough for him, and frequently most too
much
An old sailor finding corked bottle on
the sea, opened it, with the following solilo-
quy: Rum, I hope; gin, I think; tracts,
by jingoP and then threw them back into
the water.
A Jew was observed looking very intent
" at prodigious fine lam. What are
you saying to that ham, Mr.. JacobsY Il
was saying to it: Thou almost persuadest |
me to be Christian
sMr. Speaker said member Of the ia.
maica Legislature, discussing bill for the
regulation Of the timber trade, L know
these timber merchants to be most aggisus
rascals-I was in the timber line myself
twelve years.
A quarrelsome couple were discussing the
subjects Of epitaphs and tombstones, and the
husband said: MY dear, what kind Of
stone do you suppose they will give me when
I die 2 birthstone, my love- was the af- |
fectionate reply.
you are beautiful, and 1 sdore you,' said
a gentleman to the belle Of the evening.
sFor nay part, hate you and think you
frightful' she retorted.
I believe you, frank girl. You do not
tell polite falsehoods like me-
How is your wife to-day 2 said friend
TO French gentleman. oh! moche de
SEM said be, she is no better, and I 'fraid
yer little wuss. If she gon to die, | wish