Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-06-23
EEUnlOr.

HumOr.
What shape is kiss? Elliptical "a lip
tickle) Of course.
The public singer that draws the best-a
mosquito.
In the country they blow horn before
dinner; in the city they take one.
Some girls are like old muskets; they use
good deal of powder, but won't 60 off.
A woman in advertising her runaway
husband, says: David has scar on his nose
where I scratched it
A cross old bachelor suggests that births
should be announced under the head Of new
music.
Ali efforts to make hay by gas-light have
failed, but it has been discovered that wild
oats can be sown under its cheerful rays.
There is only one objection to people who
mean WE'LL and that is, they never can
spare time to carry out their meaning.
Why is doctor better taken care of than
his patients? Because when he goes to bed
he's sure to have somebody rap him up.
woman is delusion, MADAME exclaimed
crusty old bachelor to witty young lady
And man is always hugglng some deluslon
or other, was the quick rejoinder.
NV DEAR said an affectionate spouse to
her husband. 'am not your only treasure?
oh, yes was the cool reply, and [ would
willingly lay it up in Heaven
L hope this hand is not counterfeit said
a lover, as he was toying with his sweet
hearts fingers The best way to find out
is to ring It, was the next reply.
1T may be matter Of consolation to
woman who has buried her husband, that
she knows where he is at nights says an
exchange. How does she know that?
What is the difference between the man
ner of death of barber and SCULPTOR
One eurls up and dies, and the other makes
faces and busts.
A down east editor plaintively says that
he has original poetry enough to single
Westinghouse; but, as he has no meeting
house to single, the original poetry is USE
less
A fellow was told that three yards Of cloth
by being wet, would shrink one-quarter OF
ward. well, them he inquired, If you
should wet quarter Of a yard, would there
be any left?'
A Michigan editor has just given up the
sanctum for the pulpit. He thinks it is
easier to fight the one devil at which min
lister levels his arrows, than the thousands
which an editor is obliged to contend with.
otis strange muttered a young man as
he staggered home from supper party,
how evil communications corrupt good man.
ners. Eve been surrounded by tumblers
all the evening, and now Pm tumbler my
SELF
NV DEAR said Mrs Bundle to her
daughter, you must have something warm
around you in the carriage Miss B. men
toned the request Of her mother to her
beau, and he Immediately complied with
it.
An attorney, about to finish bill of costs
was requested by his client, baker, to
make it as light as he could. 'Ah,' replied
the attorney, that's what you may say to
your foreman, but it's not the way I make
my bread
Tell that man to take off bis hat in court
said judge, the other morning, to an off.
Ger. The offender, who turned out to be
lady. wearing the fashionable sailor hat, in
dignantly exclaimed, I am no man, SIR
Then said his honor, am no judge
An Fpiscopsl clergyman, who rather
likes joke, was engaged to read the SER
vice for brother minister, and was hurry.
ing to Church, little belatsd. on Sunday
morning A friend, struck by his uncoms
mon speed, inquired Sir why SO fastp In
order,' said he shat he who runs may
read
A traveller being in a cofevhouse with
some gentlemen, was largely drawing on
the credulity Of the company. Where did
you say all these wonders happened, sir?
asked gentleman present. I can't exact.
iy say, replied the traveller, but somewhere
in Europe-Russia, I think. Il should
rather think TIA y ; returned the other.
A countfyman took his seat at tavern
table, opposite to gentleman who was in
dulgng in bottle of wine. Surprising the
vine to be common property, our unsophis-
ticatcd country friend helped himself to it
with the gentleman's glass
That's cooll' exclaimed the owner of the
wine Indignantly.
YES replied the other, i should think
there was ice in it,
The North Carolina 'Robesonian' is res
ponsible for the following: Recently in one
Of our courts the grand jury, as is now usu-
ally tie case, was composed partly OF ne.
groes. After being charged in the usual
way by his honor, the jury retired to their
room, when one of the white Jurors ven
tured to ask eolered associate if he under.
stood the charge of the Judge. 'Golly,'
exclaimed the astonished amendment, she
don't charge us muffin for dat, does he p
Why, tho't we was gwine to git pay