The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-05-16


deed" J." replied the dc aeon, then you know
how to pity u.s."
Ga" Where's your flial gratitude,
you naughty boy? What would you
have been without your kind father and
mother p " 'spose I'd been an orphan
sir"
1e25- \ gentleman expressed to a lady
his admiration of her toilet. She said
she supposed he had been impressed by
her angel sleeves He answered with
efusion " No; but he'd like to be-"
Bagn A friend inquiries May not
the appearance, on Saturday last, of a
colored boy in the House of Representa-
tives at Washington, in the capacity Of
page, he termed "a dark page in Ameri-
can histOry?"
BE- A jewelry establishment in Indi-
annapolis was closed the other day, and
the following placard in large printed
letters explained the cause of the suspen-
sion Of business: On jury. Will be
back when we hang the cuss."
Gsg" An Indiana man, who traded off
his wife for peck Of beans and watch
was disgusted at finding the beans mouldy
and the watch oroide. But he says
the other man will find the wife worse
than the beans and oroider than the
watch,
D6yr A hick.headed squire, being
worsted by Sydney Smith in an argu-
ment, took his revenge by excaimng
" If had son who was an idiot, by
Jove, I'd make him parson p Very
probable, " replied Sydney, "but | see
that your father was of different mind"
Hsy~ A young lady once observed,
Z" When | 20 to the theatre, [ am very
careless Of my dress, as the audience are
too attentive to the play to observe my
wardrobe; but when | go to church | am
very particular in my outward appearance
as most people 90 there to see how their
neighbors dress and deport themselves"
Be1y- " You haven't got such a thing
as pair Of old trousers, have you 7"
" No, my man," said the merchant. Il
don't keep my wardrobe in my counting
house. "Where " do you live 2" rejoined
Pat, "and I'll call in the morning for the
ould pair you've got on"
Dy" " That man." said a wag, came
to Nashua forty years ago, purchased
basket, and commenced gathering rags
How much do you suppose he is worth
now" 1t was conundrum we could
not answer Nothing" he continued,
after pause, "and he owes for the bas-
ket."
Bge'- There is an old story that Jew,
while indulging morsel of forbidden
food, had his meal interrupted by ter
rife thunder storm, and that as the thun-
der roared and the lightning flashed
around him. he exclaimed; "Plesh my
soul, vod bodder shust aboud leetle
bork p
Is1- On the occasion of tax collector
making his appearance, Hook immediate
ly said:
Here comes Mr.. Wynter, surveyor
I advise you to give him whatever he
axes,
And that, too, without any nonsense or
fummery,
For though his names Wynter, his ac-
tions are summary"
B69~ A gentleman in the city observed
man he did not care to see coming
toward his door, and hurriedy instructed
Bridget to tell the person he was not at
home. All right, sir," said Bridget as
she made haste to answer the door bell
" Is Mr.--at home 2" inquired the
caller. Faith an he's gone out" re-
sponded the obedient servant. " When
will he be at home ?" asked the man at
the door g Hould on mint" put in
Bridget, " an I'll AK him p
Reg- An Irishman, being recently on
trial for some offence, pleaded not
guilty aud, the jury being in the box,
the State solicitor proceeded to call Mr..
Furkisson as witness. With the ut
most innocence, Patrick turned his face
to the Court and said ......
+" Do understand, your honor, that
Mr.. Furkisson is to be witness forenenst
me again. ,........
The Judge said dryly, " 1t seemed SO"
Well, then, your honor, plade guilty;
sure, an your honor plaise, not because
| am guilty for I'm as innocent as yer
honor s sucking baby, but just on account
OF saving Mr.. Furkisson's sotcl !"
9a-" Now, gentleman" said peripa-