Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1871-08-24
Humorous Paragraphs.

A good side show-A pretty cheek.
The wOmans question-Is he married?
Irredeemable bonds-Vagabonds.
Why is your ehambermaid immortal? Be
cause she returns to dust every day withou
dying.
IfMissouri boarders "blow up The landlady
she retaliates by putting torpedoes in the hash
The latest thing out-Iovers, these moon
light nights.
baby who kisses his mother and fight,
his father, may be said to be partial to his ma
and martial 10 his pa.
colOred jury at Brandon. Texas, recently
sentenced another oolored man to ''be hung BY
the head until he gets dead",
The Sandwich Islanders are immensely
pleased with the new postage stamps intro.
duced into tie islands, nnc buy them in large
Quantities to as charms.
A disconsOlsted youth the other dav at
tempted to commit har kari by eating thirteen
apple. dumplings, and all from disappointment
and PIighted hopes.
lady in Virginia attempted to scare her
son-inlaw by wrapping herself in sheet and
meeting him the road. He didn't scare
worth cent but gave hera severe horsewhip-
ping.
A gentleman trying to deceriba to a friend the
beautiful manner in which his fancee's hair
was arranged, said: ''It was frizzled IN front.
and fricasseed and scrambled at the back
The Chicago Common Council are gowing to
Salt Lake City, and en- exchange says it is un-
derstoOd that their purpose is to strike de-
cisive blow at Polygamy by distributing Chi
eago divoraces among the Mormans.
The Gold Hiil(NeavdAl News speaks of a
county which it describes as ''out west"
where local papers chronicle the hanging of a
horse thief thus: "Mr. Jim Clementon' equine
abjuctor, Of Minnesota, was lately the victim
Of neck-tie sociable.
A New Orleans womon lately attempted sui
eide by stufing old rags down her throat This
is, indeed, novelty, but at the same time
rather backword movement from the plan of
the man who swallowed bits of sponge and
drank water until he burst.
lady had favorite lap dog, which she |
called Perchance. "a singular name," said |
somebody, "for a beautiful pet madam. |
Where did you find it2" "OhP' drawled she, sit !
was named from Byron's dog. You remember |
where he says, "Perchance my dog will how'll
Though men boast of holding the reins, the
women generally tell which way they must
drive.
Though men boast of holding the reins, the
women generally tell which way they must
drive.
All tho biographies of the great and the good |
shows that not one of them has fashionable |
mother.
1t is not necessary that postman should pos
sess good voice; but it is most essential
thing that he should have good delivery. |
Always turn your toes outward and your
thoughts inward the first will keep you from
falling intOthe gutter, and the last from falling
lntO iniquity.
There is man in Yorkshier. who has a m lie
of children. His name is Furlong. and he has
four girls and four bOys-eight furlongs make
q mile.
"Pa," said lad to his father, ''I have often
read Of people poor but honest; why don It they |
sometimes say rich but honest?'' ''"Tut, tut, my |
son, nobody would believe them,'' answered
the father
An ignoramus had been sick. and on re GOV
ering was told by the doctor that he might
take little animal food. ''No, sir,' said he,
II took your Cruel very well, but hang me If |
can eat your hay and oats"
Once upon time a man met an cid woman |
in an English town, driving several asses.
"Adieu, mother of asses, said he. ''Adieu my
son" was the old woman s reply. The fellow
went on his way, feeling for his ears.