The Republican journal., 1871-08-10
How to Get a Berth in a Sleeping Car.
BY DON PIATT.

my cOuntonance; ii | knew what, | would |
have it extracted. don't like having UNI
protected females and school boys and girls
turned over TO me, It's little hard on Il
man. And what is the good of it No
body needs protection; il any one docs. il
isa benevolent, good looking, innocent sort |
OF a man-such rs the writer of this.
was reminded Of this by an adventure
that happened to me :he other night in
New York. | was about leaving on the |
nine O'Clock train for Washington when !
man who was in search OF me approached. |
knew he was in search of me- lie was |
in search of some respectable, benevolent |
individual to put woman under his care. !
And he did. She happened to be rather |
good looking, and didn't object in yio- |
lent way, but | was neither very graceful
nor gracious over the compliment. When
| came to secure a section in the sleepin G
ear, found that 4 delegation OF pious peo
pie was going to Washington on some
charitable business and had taken neally
all the berths. | secured two-at least |
thought | had-and marched my female
with her two carpet sacks, strap satchel.
q mocking-blr and a silk umbrella, with
a waterproof and two shawlS done up in
straps, mo l6l. When we arrived inside.
| learned for the first time that my unpro
tected female could not abide the sleeping
cars She said she felt like sutl'ocatin@.
| and wished secretly she would suilocatc;
| but when we came Ia occupy our bcrths |
made two disagreeable discoveries. The
first was that the two tickets called for the
same berth the other, that this berth was
| the upper one. My female friend said
positively that she could not get into that
berth. informed her that il was hcr only
chance TO sleep, and she told me that she
would rather sit up. then gave her the
further information that that was all very
we'll, but in a sleeping car there was no
| place 10 sit except on a wash basin, and
that | thought would be rather incon-
yenient. At last, with the aid OF Il step
ladder, the steward, and two pious old
| Pomps, my unprotected female was
boosted into her roost and the curtains
closed over her for the night.
Then came the question rs to what had
! become OF the undersigned | consulted
the conductor and the steward, and had
the satisfaction of hearing the fact stated
| that if had told them earlier the blunder
might have been remedied But as il
was the pious delegation had retired for
the night, and all the bcrthS We're occr-
pied. The conductor, however, told me
that he would try and make some arrange
ment, and then went off about his bust
ness.
A drunken man had been captured on
the platform rs we started, where he was
found addressing the stars in II v0citcrouS
way, the sleepng-car ticket liShcd ont Of
his pocket, and the inebriate fellow chuck
ed into an upper berth. was leaning
against the washstand of the ear in a very
melancholy way some time after, when
this intoxicated fellow stuck his head out
and. addressing me, said:
II would like to have n drink"
etWater?'' said l.
mo, darn water I want some wh4-
key; am dry as chip
"Well," | responded, Il am sorry to
say that have none about me-
Amt YOU the conductor ."
mo" | responded, II don't believe /
am. -
Nor do |. If YOU were the conductor,
You would have something to drink
Where is the conductor?"
[ told him that he was in the next car
'Well,' said he, Il have a great mind
to get up and hustle round till get
drink"
VI 1ll iSllIil llltllti, 9tlt, iIltlt
is nothing in the constitution nor in the
sixteen amendments that prohibits vou
from getting up and hunting 4 drink if
You want it,"
Whereupon the inebriated individual
rolled out of the berth. He rolled into |
several others and was promptly elected
and at last, getting his legs, disappeared
at the further end of the car.
took in the Situotion "a Crlopr,,
Here was a berth vacated, Above it was
a white hat. | Immediately removed
thai white hat. | carried il further along
and put it over a Christian Association. |
who was lost in the sleep of innocence
and peace, and then returning cnsconc-
ed myself in a berth vacated by man
who had a constitutional right to u drink
| was dropping into slumber, tor al
ways SLEEP on n car devoted to that bus
mess and invented 10y Mr. Pullman; the
motion has the same effect upon my
brain that rocking has upon u child, and
/ not only sleep easily but profoundly.
In a few seconds | should have been be
yond all disturbances, but it happened |
was awakened ont Of my first wink by 4
row in an adjoining, section. There
seemed to be a pitched battle going on
between one of the delegates and q gen
tleman who claimed the berth to be the
one he had just vacated. heard him
say, "Now get out of that - and he call
ed the good man the offspring of a female
dog, adding thereto some very profound
language. The conductor came 10 the
rescue Of the weary delegate, and when
the man called attention to the fact Of the
white hat, he puzzled him sorely by show
ing him two OF three white hats further
along in the same ear. At this the inc
hriate passenger dcsiSted, but rs soon as
the conductors back was turned renew
ed the fight with the next white hat, in
sisling Just rs positively that that was
his berth, and with the same profound
and violent language and scnl1le. lie
was repulsed only to begin again, and
he kept fighting these good Christian
gentlemen who were so unfortunate as
to have white hats, until | fell asleep and
dreamed till morning ofmy earlier youth
of the church not round the corner but
in the glen, where the forest trees brush
ed against the windows, and the sunlight
came down rs if in response to the pray
crs OF the beautiful maidens, dignilicd
matrons and snowy headed fathers Of the
land. | only awoke when entering the
sinful city Of Washington.
A Western exchange says that curiosity
has done a grevous injury to a Missouri
countryman who went down to st. Louis
the other day to geta divorce from his
wife While walking to the court room
he espied a large sea turtle, reposing up
on its back in front of Il restaurant. and
allured by the sight, stopped to examine
it thoroughly. Meanwhile, his wife was
at work for herself, and when finally he
hurried on to the court room he learned |
to his dismay, that the case had been de-
cided against him, and his wife had OBJ
tanned divorce. He did not care so
much about the loss Of his wife, as he
had engaged another in anticipation of
getting Il divorce himself, but as the wife
had obtained q decree against him, he
was by the law precluded from taking |
unto himself another wife until the lapse
of five years. He was almost frantic, as
he had his wedding clothes ready, and
To hny,. n1 t1,n Il