davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

4 lawyer came into Court drunk and
the Judge said to him:
"Sir, | am sorry to see you in condi-
tion which is disgrace to yourself and
family, the Court, and the profession to
which you belong"
The rcproof elected the following coll
loquy:
"Did your honor speak to me?"
81 did, sir; said that in my opinion
you disgraced yourself and family, the
Court, and the profession to which you
belong, by your conduct"
"May lit please your Honor, | have
been attorney in-i IL this Court for
fifteen years, and permit me to say, your
Honor, that this is the first correct opin-
ion | ever knew you to give"
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

GRAINS OF GoLD,-To be merchant,
the art consists more in getting paid than
in making sales.
Beware CT judging hastily, it is bet
ter to suspend an opinion than to retract
an assertion.
Value the friendship of him who
stands by you in the storm swarms of
insects will surround you in the sun
shine.
It is with flowers as with moral quail
ties; the bright colored are sometimes
poisonous, but, believe, never the sweet
smelling.
A woman should always remember
that her clothes should be in expense
and quantity proportioned to her own
circumstances, and not those of her
neighbor.
Revenge is momentary triumph,
which is always Immediately succeeded
by remorse, while forgiveness, which is
the noblest of all revenge, entails per-
petual pleasure. 1t was we'll said by a
Roman Emperor that he wished to put an
end to all his enemies by converting
them into friends
Language is the amber in which a
Thousand precious and subtle thoughts
have been safely embedded and preserved.
1t has arrested ten thousand lightning
flashes of genius which, unless fixed and
arrested, might have been as bright, but
would have also been as quickly passing
and perlshing as the lightning.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07
Machine Twist,

Liiea Th,euG. Nf,oot Cotton, OF. dc.
Ne have and shall Aecp in stock AT our Cent? -l
Oi1ice and Agencies, Qon speols of various sizcS)
Twist OF all sizes and coiors--Linen Thread
SPOOL Cotton, Oil, and all other articles necessary
i'll the use Of machines.
We wish it understood that Manufacture the
Twist sold by that shall aim to have it
excel iii quality and exceed in quantity, for
given price that OF other mani nufaeturers and that
the Twist [Inade by uS in our new and extensive
mills supplied they|are with the most improved
machinery and skilled laborl can be relied on for
the desirable qualities of uniformity of size,
ness, length of thread as marked each spool
siren 9Th excellence of color, and beauty of finish
THE SINGER MANUFACTURING &C.,
oct29- S-3m1 No. 45s Broadway, New York.
San FRAN CISCO OFFICE,
No. I39 Montgomery street.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

John Quincy Adams declines nomi>
nation for Governor at the hands of the
Democracy. Having already been de-
feated two or three times he evidently
and sensibly concludes that enough is
as good as a FEAST
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

Among those killed at Metz lately was
the famous Baron Henri de Riviere, who
made sensation in this country some
ten years ago by marrying rich Mobile
widow, aud subsequently, in being prose
in New York by a french lady with
whom he had been travelling and flour
ishing in both hcmispheres like an East
Indian nabob. Let this be said of him.
however, that if he lived the life of "a
gay Lothario'' he died the death of a
hero.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07
FE1AEN HOME TALK
II i DI c AL COMMON SENSE,
BY Z. u. FooTE, NJ D.

If you want TO know the effects of Sexual Star
walton Prostitution Confluence on the ono
hand and Vie the other;
II you want to know how to have Healthy Ba-
bies; how TO keep them healthy how to grow III,
healthy, and die only of old age
Ii You want to know all about Common Sense
Remedies Electricity ; Animal Magnetism
and who believe in it
If you want to know all about diseases peculiar
to women; to girlhood to the maiden to the
wife and mother, read Private Words to Women :,
IT you, want to know valuable hints to the child
less how to overcome barrenness how to become
a mother;
If you want to know all about diseases peculiar
to men: their nature and treatment impotency;
seminal Weakness &c;
III you want to know all about the sexual organs:
cause OF their disgrace their influence on devcl-
oPment en- women and civilization;
Ii you want to know all about marriage: its
history, polygamy and monogamy polyandry
and free love
1t yoa want to know the philosophy of clnpc-
mems I; adaptation in marriage philosophy of
enlid marking how to perfect marriage; n
1hhd thousand things never publ led before
read this wonderful book
SOLD ONLY BY SUBSCRIPTION.
Send for circular and terms to
A. j.. BANCROFT & CO,
General agents west of the Rocky Mountains.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

4 Fifershire man recently took his
child to the minister to be baptised, who
asked him, ''Are you prepared fer so.sol-
emn and important an occasion Z" "Pre-
pared y he echoed, with some indigna-
tion II hae frlot of bannocks bakin,
twa hams, an' gallon O. the. best HE
land whisky; an wad jest like to ken
what better preparation ye could expeck
frae man in my condition o. life ]"
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

In the District Court at Salt Lake, on
the 10th ult., foreign born Mormon
asked to be naturalized. The Judge in-
quired if he believed in polygamy, to
which he replied that, though he had
but one wife, he believed 1t right to have
more than one; whereupon the Justice
refused to naturalize him.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07
A Glorious Changed!
THE GREAT WORLDS TONIC.
Plantation Bitters.

This wonderful vegetable re-
stOrative is the sheet-anclaOr of
the feeble and debilitated. As a
tonic and cordial for the aged
and languid, it haas mo equal
among stOmachics. As a remedy
for the nervous weakness to
which women are especially SUBJ
5ect, it is superseding every other
stiInulant. I'm all climates, tropi-
cal, temperate, or frigid, it acts
as n specific i'm every species Of
disorder which ssndeTnnines the
bodily strength and breaks down
the .:z-.sisai spirits. For sale by
ali druggists.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

A lady AMI gentleman Of Troy, New
York, whose connubial bliss is perfect iu
everything save the presence OF children
around the domestic hreside, were exam
lining some illuminated notices in book
store the other day, when the wife picked
out one bearing these words: ''God bless
our home" The husband thought that
was very good, but still not exactly what
they wanted. Looking little further,
l1c picked cut this one: '.Suffer little
children to come unto me, and he as
sured his wife that was what they
wanted
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

Elder k had been holding Il
protracted meeting in Arkansas, and on
certain Sunday was to have a ''baptizing"
of converts in the river, in the secluded
locality in which the revival had taken
place. As he advanced into the water
with wiry, sharp-eyed man, he asked
the usual question. whether any person
knew any reason why the ordinance of
baptism should not be administered. No
one answered for few moments !; but at
length, tall, straight, and powerful
looking chap, with an eye like blaze,
who was leaning upon long rifle,
and quietly looking on, remarked ::
"Elder, | don't want to interfere in this
ycre business any way, but [ want to say
that l know that old cuss you've got hold
of, and know that one dip won't Go him
any good If you want to get the sin out
Of him, aud save him, you'll have to
anchor him out in deep water over
night"
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

ENGLISH EMIGRANTs.-Much inquiry
is said to exist in England among farms
ers, relative to lands, subsistence, and
rates OF wages in the United States.
Large numbers are said to be desirous of
emigrating to this country.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

George Francis Train is reported to be
in prison in Marseilles. and for singing
the -Marseillaise" in too high a key
There need be no fear that his deten~
ton will cause Il war, and but little hope
. that his release will save Paris
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07
The Attachments

For IIomming. FclliuaI Ruffiing. Br,na. Bind
ing, Corlng, Gathering, Tuekine, Etnhraitering.
&e., not only Eumerous. but now brought to
great perfection. MOST of them be attached
or detached by Il simple move Of tie hand. The
quality of the work cab only be fully appreciated
On observation and elimination.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

The other day two young girls of Car
linville, ILL.,, bound their drunken faith
er hand and foot, and so kept him for
two days. lie was finally released on
promising ojoin the Sons of Temperance
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

the fact that a hyecent revenue stamp
is required to be attached to every sig-
nature in their books--the agreement to
purchase being considered a contract
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

A Chicago widow was requested by the
dear depar.ed's aristocratic relatives to
give false name when she went out
washing, 50 as not to disgrace the family
Such thoughtfulness is touching.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07
S. II. ClalgEtor,

NOTARY PUBLIC AND REAL ESTATE
~ AGENT Office in the Post Office building.
lebanon. Oregon.
VIII attend to making Deeds and other convey
ances, also to the prompt collection OF debts en-
trusted to my care.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

"a e II III e ~ y >
to close out. There ID no mistake about TINS as
i am determined to close out entirely in these
lines aud will positively sell at first cost.
N BAH persons knowing themselves indebt-
ed to me, are requested to make immediate pay
n1ent All accounts due and unsettled 80 days
from this date, will he put in the hands of an
officer for collection. This Is positive, mean
"business."
Nov. 10, '70-11 y. GRADV0IfL.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

Fashionable young lady, detaching her
hair previous to retiring: aWhat dreams
may come when we have shuffied off this
mortal coil v'
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

Three or four hundred thousand dol
lars thus far, have been disturbed since
the 1st of July, through the Surgeon
Genenal's Office, part for the purchase of
artificial arms and legs, and part in
communication. These transactions COW
er the cases Of 5000 MANNED soldiers
5000 cases remain to be acted on, while
others are daily received
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07
NEW TODAY.
Take NOG;cc.

A LII PERSONS KNOWING THEMSELVES
"A Indebted to Il. CHEADLE & CO, by note
book account. viii please settle the by the
Ist of January, 1871. by so doing they viii save
costs.
lzis~ Cash or Produce taken in payment OF
account note. Il. CHEADLE & co.
Noy. 10. lS7u-I1
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

There is no small pox either among
whites or Indians at Lapwai neither is it
known that there is case within 100
miles Of there
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07
The EuI.,ing Cases.

The New Family Machine may be had iii yi,-
ricty Of folding covers and cases. Some show in
polished surface only tae grain and tint of the
wood, Willie others a! e finished IN al the eIabort-
tIol. e art
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07
THE NEW FOOD.

For q few cents you can buy
of your Grocer Or ruggist a
package Of SEA MOSS TAEINE
made from pure Irish Mess or
Carrageen, which will make
sixteen quarts of E1anc Mango,
and g like quantity Ct Puddings
Custards, Creams, Charlotte
Russe, &c. It is tie cheapest,
healthiest and NEST delicious
food in tile world. It makes a
splendid Dessert, and has no
equal as light and delicate
food for InvaIids and Children.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

This FAMILY MACHINE is capable of Il
range and variety of work such as was thought
impossible short time ago, to perform by ma
chinery. We claim and show these whom il
may concern, that it is the cheapest. most beaut
fu, delieately arranged. nicely adjusted, easily
operated and smoothly running Of all The family
Sewing Machines. 1t is able, not only for
the range and variety Of its sewing. but also for
the variety and different KINDS OF TEXTURE
which it will sew with equal facility and perfec-
tion using Silk Twist, Linen Cotton Thread.
fine coarse. making the IN NlERLOCKED-
ELIAS TIC-STI1CII, alike both sides of the
fabric sewn. Thus beaver cloth. leather, may
be sewn with great strength and uniformity OF
stitch, and in a moment this willing and
weary lag machine may be adjusted fer fac work
gauze gossamcr tissue. the tucking OF
tareietan OF rutin% oEr almost any other work
which delicate fingers have been known to per
form.
Purchasers can soon l,e convinced that
Family machine e,nlIodies NEW and essential
p:incif ifles-sirnl llicity of construetion-e;se of
orcration-uuitorinity pf PRECISE. action at any
specd-capaefy fer raige and variety of work,
fac coarse, leaving, Hi y.sls behind It.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07
A PECULIAR coUNrRY.-Among all

A PECULIAR CoUNTRY.-AmonS All
the troubles that are continually besettlng
the various nations and countries OF the
earth we find none of Importance that
effect Persia. Now and then, when there
is no other excitement OF poiltieai
character to claim attention, there IS
souabble on the frontier line which sep
arates Persia from the Turkish Empire,
but it does not amount to anything worth
more than mere mention, and Is scarcely
noted among current events.
Yet this unmolested country IS not
small one, and boasts of twenty hve
provinces The population does not fall
short of ten millions. 1t has seventeen
cites, several of which arc amongst the
most famous OF the East for wealth and
magnificence y peculiarity of Persia is
in her lack of ports-another is that
there is scarcely a navieable stream in the
entire kingdom. Another popularity is
of Mormonish character-the country
abounds in Salt Lakes. Fresh water
is rare and of great value. What is
grown (and Persia grows plenty Of wheat,
barley, grapes and fruits of various
and 50 necessary is this, that canals for
that purpose rent at the highest prices
One canal employed to irrisate large
fruit garden will rent at the rate of Sl0,-
600 per aunum.
If the enterprise of the American
could be infused among the inhabitants
of Persia, hidden away as she is, she
would probably take a more prominent
stand among the important nations.
Cotton alone would help her do this.
In 1861, the Persian Ambassador at
London demonstrated that the Southern
provinces of his country were capable uf
growing good cotton enough to supply
the wants of Europe.
Persia has been from the remotest ages
seat of civilization, and although re-
markably quiet now, has been the scene
of great political vicissitudes and revo>
lutions- The ruins produced by these
are still visible in every part of the king
dom Should the East become seriously
complicated in European wars, Persia
would Of course come in for her share of
the turmoil aud commotion, and would
have her peace, as concerns outside pow
'ers, turned into excitement. But while,
under these circumstances, storm would
rage elsewhere, it would be but ripple
with her. 1t is as we'll that this should
be SO, for the modern Persians are not
great warriors. Their army consists Of
about 20 900 infantry. 10000 cavalry,
and 5000 artillery. The cavalry are
pretty good soldiers, but as for the rest
they are no match for auy but predatory
bands, and meet with continual reverses
in their skirmishes with the irregular
Turkish soldiery.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

\ young lady in Iowa is lecturiny On
'What she Knows about Man"
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

= Western editor is raving about the
"iamblent pastimes Of boreal corrusca-
tions."
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

Song Of a gold hunter ''My days Of
hippiness are ere
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

Navigation on the Columbia is closed
above the Cascades.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

Once when Father Taylor, in preach
ing to his audience of seamen, found
himself entangled suddenly in thicket
of accumulated clauses, he extrieated
himself by exelaiming, Il have lost track
of the nominative to my verb, but, my
brethren, one thing Anow-I am bound
for the kingdom of heaven" That was
oratory superior to rhetoric. 1t was get
ting the wine of eloquencc by crushing
the grapes Of style.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

A Connecticut lady in her divorce COM
plaint charges her husband with con-
duct Calculated to defeat the purpose of
the marriage relation" The puzzled
judges sent the paper back for particu-
lars.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07
NEW TO DAY.
AGENTS WANTED.

NOW READY
The most Wonderful Book of
the Nineteenth Century !.
4 Curious Book for Curious People,
And Good Book for every one
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

What is home without mother One
short
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

y humane physician having been call
ed to visit the sick child of a poor widow,
prescribed for 1t and furnished the medi-
cine free of cost. The next day he called
again, and SAID TO the mother:
"And how is the baby to day, Mrs.
Gilhooley ?''
pretty comfortable, sir" was the an
swer; ''the powder you gave her don't
seem to have done her any hurt yet
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

at as low figures as due regard to taste and good
work will allow. When you want anything Ii
the printing line, call at the REGISTER Office.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07
THE SINGER" NEW
Family Sewing Tzachine,
With Attachments for all kinds of Work,

Is fast winning favor in the household,
as shown by the sales of last year,
amounting to eightysix thousand,
seven hundred and eighty one
machines, which far exceed
those of any other Company.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

"Go" AND "CouE. IF you want
your business done," says the proverb,
Ego and do it if you don't want it done.
send some one else" An indolent GEN
tleman had freehold estate producing
about five hundred year Becoming
involved in debt he sold half the estate,
and let the remainder to an industrious
farmer for twenty years. About the end
of the term the farmer called to pay his
rent, and asked the owner whether he
would sell his farm.
"Will you buy it p asked the owner,
surprised.
Eyes, if we can agree about the price"
THAT is exceedingly strange" OBJ
served the gentleman spray tell me how
it happens that while | could not live
upon twice as much land, for which
paid no rent, you are regularly paying
ne two hundred year for your farm,
and are able in few years to purchase
it ~
"The reason is plain,'' was the reply /;
''you sat still and said, Go; got up and
said Come. You laid in your bed and
enjoyed your estate; | rose in the morn
ing and minded my own business"
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07
To Deschuttes River

hF Ar KINDS, printed at the very lowest
~ ratcs ordered. at this office.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-01-07

San FRAN cisco OFFICE
No. 139 Montgomery street.
The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1871-09-06
sTILL ONWARD AND uPwARp-rh

extraordinary increase that has taken place
in tho sale Of HOHTET,TER'S STOMACH
BlTTEIsS during tho past year, is another
proof that all intelligent people, although
they may try all things. hold fact only 10 that
which is good. No amount OF pufrery can
lit inferior articles to tho position Of stan.
dard specifics. To use tho words of Tom
Paine, they may go up like rocket, but aro
sure TO como down ignominiously like ns c1-
tinRuished stick. Hundreds Of suc, nos.
trnnIs have gono up and come down since the
introduction of H0stttter's Stomach I,i,ters.
nearly the hfth of century ago. Yut it still
remains tho supreme tonic of tho age It hHs
not, and never has had, a rival il. efficacy or
popularity, and now stands at the head of ali
proprietary remedies manufa ctured on this
eide OF tho Atlantic. In every civilized COM
munity on his cOntinont, or in South Ameri.
On, 1t IL tho accepted remedy for dyspepsia.
bilious complaints, constipation, general de.
Dility, nervous weakness, and many other un-
pleasant or dangerous maIadies mcdi-
cine so widely txtended is, of course. piratpd
and inflated by dealers without Coincidence
or integrity.
Therefore, let every man and woman who
designs to purchase tho genuine Hostetter'a
stomach B:tters, SEQ to it that they have
what they pay for, and not tho results of al,
Infamous impoeture. Look CAREFUL, at label.
stamp, and name blown in tho glars, and do
not forget that the true Giuers is pod in hot
tics only. Sont "a
The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1871-09-06
CITIZENS SAVINGS BANK
SOUTH CAROLINA
Deposits of ST. and Upwards Receiyed.

INTER EST 4 LILO Is kU Ar TIE KATEtf
SEVEN PER CENT. pen ANN UN.
ON CER1IFICA z E.S or U4nUSIY
AND SIX PEN CENT, COM.
i POUNDED EVERY SIX
IiI. MONTHS ON 4 CCOUNTS.
OFFICERS.
VIM. Martin, President.
john john T. 2. Tho%as, raa%au; yice-rresiden,s
A. q BreDiZer, Cashier.
j. ID. Sawyer, Assistant Cushirr
charge Of branches.
Johp q. B. Smith, Assistant Cashier
Directors.
Wade Hampton, Miliiu III Martin A. C. Has.
kel1, F. W. McNaster, John +. homar +. II
Hcinitsh, John y. Palmer, 1huma. T.. Gregg
Columbia. o"'
j. Eli Gregg, Marion
G. T. Scott, NewLtfry.
W. @. Mayes, AcwIerrS.
B. h. Ritledge, ChAr!cstuu
Fantel Ravenel. Jr.. CItArltsttn
Aec'ianics, I.ahOrtr-, Clerks, Widows. Or.
phans and others ma. her. i-po4ii Their sav.
tngs and draw liberal rate OF interest there
on. Planters, Prutessnnai Men and Tru stee,
wishing to draw interest nneheil funds rnti
they require them for husincAr or other pnr
poses Parents deniring to set apart small
'ums for their children, and Married " omen
IND Minors {whose deposits can only be with.
IT awn BY themselves. or, in case or death. by
hheir legal representatives, wishing to lay
hside funds for future use. are here afforded
IN opportunity Of depositing their means
where they will rapidly accumulate, and. at
LII Q same time, be subject to withdrawalwhen
'cee.on. % Ane1
The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1871-09-06

The Doctors Recommend Seegers Beer
N.preference to London Porter and Scotch
Il Ale. Why? They know it il unadulterated.