Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1871-01-01
WIT AND WISDOM.

, WIT AND WISDOM.
Troublesome arming-Raising corns
On little toes.
The cards which the slanderer
piays-trey-deuce.
Coat-Of-srms for repOrters-A pump
handle in motion.
The swiftest arm OF the military
seryice-The feet.
Question for physiologlst-DO two
pants make a pair?
Is a coat of mail a portion Of q let
Ter carriers uniform?
/, The book whose contents rule the
= World-Pocket-boOk.
When is tea like a work Of art?
When it's a drawing.
The days, like model pie-crusts, are
becoming very short.
Ppm a 'tickler friend OF yurs," as
the snuff said to the nOse.
A woman who has buried six hus-
bands is called a good planter.
Widows weeds are not green.
Neither are widows, as a rule.
How to get rid Of rats and mice
Read Martin Upper TO them.
Measure for measure"-Barter be-
tween a shoemaker and a tailor.
The still watches Of the night
watches that won't 60 after dark.
Episodes of the middle ages-mar-
risge5 among the strOng-minded.
Pitched battles-when tars fall out
they invariably pitch into each other.
To convert an artIess maiden into a
heartless one, there is only wanting a
chez
Men are like potstOes-they do not
know how soon they may be IN hot
water.
The nearest the Parisians can now
come to mutton is a little raw
weather.
1t is hard to respect old age when
one gets sold on a venerable pair Of
chickens.
Stale bread goes further than new.
Some people are willing that 1t snail
90 as far asst likes.
Why is solar eclipse like a mother
thrashing her own child? Because
it's a hiding Of the sun.
1t has been said that cork screws
have sunk more people than cork
jackets have ever saved.
When you hear a man say ''life is
but q dream" tread on his cOrn and
wake him up. Life is real.
The hight Of a Pi Ute's ambition is
to marry a woman with q winters
! store of dried grasshOpper5.
A wag said Of an egotistical writer,
somebody should take pity on his
readers, and put out his Is"
tipurgeOn thinks some ministers
would make good martyrs-they are
so dry they would burn well.
Insults are ike counterfeit money
I'VE can't hinder them being offered, |
but we are not bound to take them.
A modest young wOman stopping
at a hotel in Hartford refused to sleep
in a room panelled with birdseye ma
pie.
People interested in such matters
may find out all about torture on the
high-c's by going to the amateur con-
Certs.
Oil Wendell Holmes calls a kiss
a lispIng c|OnsOnant. He should have
added, also, that it usually follows
G-u3JCei.
When may a ship be said to be in
love? When she's attached to g
buoy, or when she's making up to a
man-Ot-War.
The Rochester Union declares that
the Radical party is going to the dogs.
If this is true, it Is a melancholy thing
for the dogs.
A cOnscience-stricken New York
milliner says that half the feathers
worn by ladies were pulled from the
tails of ROSTERS.
The most dangerOUs-Steel is the
most dangerous Of metals; it assists
in the composition Of the sword, the
pen and CrinOline.
The MaysvilIe, Kentucky, Bulletin
has an item. "a man killed by a
horse" What is that tO-a govern
ment killed by an ass?
An Irish painter declares in an adj
vertisement that, among other pOr-
traits, he has a representation Of
death as large as life"
Swinging is said by the doctors to
he very good exercise for a PERSONS
health; but many a poor wretch has
come to his death by it.
A paper advertises for girls for
cooking. a contemporary replies:
"NCu would like them raw when you
get accustomed to them"
Ones meat, anOther's poison. An
illirerate man is derided for that
which in the man of education wins
applaUse-making his mark.
Men are frequently like tea-the
real strength and goodness are not
properly drawn out of them until they
have been a short time in hot water.
A. California professor is writing es-
says ION the fy's nose" A very
ticElish place to write essays, we
should say, though perhaps he nose
it.
When a man and woman are made
one, the question is, Which one?
Sometimes there is a long struggle
between them before the matter is
settled.
"Sitting Bull" a c-Opper-coIOred
gentleman in the hair line out west,
has been presented with 6 winter
OvercOat by his daughter, Reclining
Heller"
There is a portion of the town Of
Bethel, M1ine, where the wind blows
50 hard taat the people hardly dare
to raise my children except in shell
tered localities.
A physician said of a qUack that she
was saCh an ignOramus thai, if he
could take a lantern and go down in
side his patient, he couldn't and out
what the matter was"
In South London, a piece Of land is
thus advertised for sale: "This eligi-
bic plot of land to be let on a long
building lease, or to be sold; equally
suited for a church or tavern"
"Aret the pictures which you brought
home from Europe all landsCapes?"
said an artist to Mrs. ShOddy one day. f,
"LOtd bless you, no, replied the in
dignant lady, they're lie paintin's." (
A Persian philosopher being asked
by what method he had acquired so
much knowledge, answered: "By not
being prevented by shame from ask :
ing questions when / was ignorant" :
A letter was received lately at the :
Chicago pOstoffice, directed: "rO an I
Honest Man" The chief clerk sent it I
to the dead-letter department, with i
the candid confession that the nan 3
addressed did not live there. !
1t is proposed in the titled circles Of I
England that women be admitted to S
the honOrs of the Garter. The Knights c
Of the Garter ought to blush at having g
the prominently gartered 9
aD long from their order. /
The only mention of paper money I