davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19
THE REVISED CATECMsM.

That inimitable huniorist MARX TWAIN, writes
the following amusing questions and answers
which he calls "The Revised Catechisn," to the
Tribune:
"First class in modern Moral Philosophy, stand
up and recite:
What is the chief end of mani
A. To get rich.
In what way!
A. Dishonesty if we can; honestly if we must
Who is God, the one only and truef
A. Money is God. Gold and greenbacks and
stock-father, son, and the ghost of the same
three persons in one; these are the true and only
God, mighty and supreme, and William Tweed il
his prophet.
Name the twelve disciples.
A. st. Ass's Colt Hall, wherein the prophet
rode into Jerusalem; st. Connolly, the beloved
disciple; St. Matthew Carnochan, that sitteth at
the receipt of customs; st. Paul Gould, that suf.
fereth many stripes and giOrieth in them; St
IscariOt Winans; st. Jacob Vanderbilt, the cs-
esteemed disciple; st. Garvey, the charitable; St
Ingersoll of the holy carpets; st. N. Y. Printing
Co., the meek and lowly. that letteth not its right
hand know what its left hand taketh; st. Peter
Hoffman, that denied his (Irish) master when the
public cock had crOwed six or seven times; st.
Barnard, the wise judge, who impaired injunc-
tons in time of trouble, whereby the people are
instructed to their salvation.
How shall man attain the chief end of lifef
A. By furnishing imaginary carpets the to Court
House, apOcryphal chairs to the armories, and in
visible printing TO the CITY,.
Are there other waysf
A. Yea. BY purchasing the quarantine apostle
for price; by Tightening thiImen Of all they pos
sess; by proceeding through immigrants from over
sea; by burying the moneyless at the public charge
and transhipping the rest 10 miles at $40 a head.
By testing iron work for buildings By furnish
ing lead and iron gas pipes for the Court House,
and then conveying the impression in the bill
that they were constructed with gold and silver
and set with diamonds. BY taking care of the
public parks at IS an inch. BY loafing round gin
imparting an impetus to a shovel on the public
works.
Are these sufficient If not, what shall man
do else to be savedf
A. Make out his bill for ten prices, and deliver
nine of them into the hands of the prophet and
the holy family. Then shall he be saved.
Who were the models the young were taught to
emulate in former dayss
A. Washington and Franklin.
Who do they and should they emulate now in
this era of larger enlightenment
A. Tweed, Hail., Connolly, Carnochan, Fisk,
Gould, Barnard and Winans.
What works were chiefly priced for the training
of the youngin former daysf
A. Poor Richards Almanac, the Pilgrims Pro-
gress and the Declaration of Independence.
What are the best priced Sunday School books
in this more enlightened agef
A. st. Halls Garbled Reports, st. Fisk's Inge-
NOUS Robberies, st. Carnochan's Guide to Corrup-
tiOn St. Gould on the Watering of Stock, st. Bar
nard's Injunctions, St. Twecd's Handbook of Nor
ais, and the Court House edition of the Holy
Crusade of the Forty Thieves.
Do we progressf
A. You bet your life.
Yours truly,
MARK TWAIN.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19
FEEDING suEEp FOR Woo1-A Merino ken

FEEDING SHEEP FOR WOOL-A Merino kept in
condition all the year round will yield pound
or two mOle of wool at least than the same sheep
kept in thinnish condition all the year round
But it makes a material difference in the proiuc.
of wool, what kind Of food produces this fleshy
condition. According to experiments made ON
Saxon sheep in Silesia by Reaumur, /, 900 pounds
of peas produced al increase of 134 pounds in the
live weight of the animals, with fourteen
pounds and eleven ounces of wool, while 1000
pounds of oats produced an increase of lag pounds
in live weight, with but nine pounds and twelve
ounces of wool. Peas did not give a greater
amount of wool in proportion to the increase OF
meat than some of thirteen feeds tried by the ex-
perimenter. Rejecting fractions, peas produced
a ninth part by weight. as much Of wool as mast
oats a sixteenth part, barley Twelfth part, buck
wheat a Twelfth part, mangel wurzels and potatoes
q seventh part, good hay an eight part hay with
straw without other fodder, one-half, and SO on.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19
ght fuu of hte Ching.
rvr uuLE rnAT STOOD On sfEAM-
BOAT DECk.

The mnle stood On steamboat deck.
The land he would not tread;
They pulled the halter round his neck,
And cracked him DER the head.
Yet arm and steadfast there be stood.
As though formed for 10 rule;
A critter Of heroic blood
Was that there cnssed mule
They cussed and swore-be would not g..
Until he felt inclined;
And though they .bowered blow on blow.
He would Mt change his mind
The deck hand to the shore then cried.
This here mules bound u stay"
And still upnu the eritter . hide.
With lesh they fired away.
His master ftum the shore replied
The buat's about TO sai1.
And every other means yuu We TILED,
Suppose you twist his tail !"
ITS likely thst win make him land"
Approached him with his oufstretched hand,
To twist that there mules tail
There came Sudden kick behindi
The man-ohi where was hei
Ask of the softly blowing wind
The fishes In the sea.
For a moment there was not sound.
As that mule winked his eye,
As though to ask Of those around,
Now, how is that for high!'
"Cut that there mules throat right away.
The captain did commando
But the noblest critter killed that Day,
Was the fearies, brave deck hand.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

SWEET PoRK.-It is beyond doubt that clean.
illness has much to do with the flavor of pork
The filthy state in which many fattening hogs are
kept has tendency not ony to give a rank taste
to the meat, but to render it positively unwhole-
some. very common mode of penning hogs at
this season is in q rail pen, without protecting it
from the weather. The consequence is that such
pens are not fit to keep living animal in; wet
and filthy, cold and uncomfortable as they are,
hogs will not take on fat, and great proportion
of the food is wasted while they are kept in them
while the filth, considerable amount Of whch..the
hogs will consume, must be detrimental to their
health, and to the health Of those who eat their
flesh. 1t is not only safer but more economical
to give fattening animals good shelter and dry
beds and litter, and keep them quite clean. The
labor will be well repaid.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

ly the following ideas were concurred in:
Lambs three months old will eat more meal
than old sheep and sometimes when growing and
fattening rapidly aquart each. Mich ewes should
have rowen hay and few roots daily in winter.
sheep will eat about three per cent. of it's live
weight daily unless very fat. 1t is not safe to
feed ordinary sheep over pint of corn day. A
frequent change Of feed is desirable One Of the
best and largest shepherds in this country, who
buys wethers by the hundred to- fat, feeds
unthreshed peas and oats till January, then till
the middle of February damaged colored beans
and half pint to sheep. After that time, or
till the first of April, half pint of cob meal is
added. The beans are fed whole but the corn is
cracked. Besides, hay is fed three times day.
Six weeks high feeding is enough to fatten a
sheep.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19
An Old Relic Ce.es - LisAs.

A short time since, AZ the workmen were en-
gagged IN digging the foundation for Holmes &
Pearce's new store, in Mount Olivct, Robertson
County, they struck two four-feet posts, buried
perpendiculariy. some seven or eight feet apart
the top Of each being two feet from the surface Of
the ground. Continuing their labors, the work
men found at the bottom of one of these posts a
stone about one foot square, bearing this incrip-
fion IN plain but roughly carved letters, viz: I'D.
b., 1775." Now, n Daniel Boone was wont to
nam in this settlement, years ago, it is not at
all unlikely that the initials are meant for him,
though the stone was certainly not placed there
to mark his last resting-place, even though the
position of the two posts indicates grave. But
what was the stone doing ct the foot Of the post
And how came the post to be two feet from the
surface Of the earthf And il it was . grave, WHY
were there not some signs of cofRni And
what does it mean, anyhowi We~pause for . re-
ply" Who knowsi The posts had evidently
been buried for time without reckoning, for on
exposure to the light they at once crumbled to
dust.-Carlisle (Ky.) Nzcsy.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

BONE FELON.-Of all painful things, can there
be any 20 excnciatingly painful as . bone felon
We know Of none that desh il heir to. As this
malady is quite frequent, and subject of mnch
earnest consideration, We give the latest recipe
for its curo, which IL given by that high author-
ty, the London Laacef:
As soon - the disease is felt, put directly over
the spot fly blister, about the size of your thumb
nail, and let It remain fur six hours at the expi-
ration OF which time, directly under the surface
Of the blister, may be seen the felon, which can
be instantly taken out with the point of needle
or . lancet "1DuS Circular.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

STOLEN kiss saved little girls life in Fond
du Lac, for if the man who did the deed had not
pulled her head forward just as he did. a
beam, which fell from the upper floor, would have
dashed her brains ont. Such Is the story, anyhow
And now the Fond du Lac girls, when in gentle
mems company, cast their eyes furtively at the
ceiling, and act just as if they would lief have
beam fall as not, if they were certain the young
men would phil their heads in time
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

ONE evening, John Smith had been dipping
rather too deeply in the convivial bowl with .
friend, and on emerging into the open air, his
intellect became in a considerable degree con-
with any degree of certainty, he thought himself
in fair way Of losing the road to his own house.
In this perplexity he espied some one coming to-
ward him, whom he stopped with this query,
Dye know where John Smith livesf" "Where's
the use of asking that question Z" said the man,
"you're John Smith himself" 81 know that, "
answered John, "but it's not himself that's wan
ted-it's his house."
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

The Prairie Farmer gives the following good adj
vice about flower seeds:
Now is the time to collect your flower seeds
for another years display. Select only from the
most perfect flowers, and watch for any variation
from the original form. Many beauty in the 10
raj world has come from chance sport of Nature
Perfectly double flowers cannot bear seeds, but
the single ones growing amongst the double are
most likely to produce double again: not from any
and through the double flowers, but from the ten
dency that strain has to bring double flowers.
Botanists call double flowers monstrosities {:
most people are very fond Of such monsters.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

How TO SADDLE CoLr.-After you have edu-
Gated him 50 as to appreciate kindness, take q
nose and let him smell it; then gently lay it on
his neck, and move it about; then place il in its
proper position then gently drop the Grths, and
very gently begin to draw the buckles-the whole
operation taking about half an hour. Having got
the saddle secured, your next object is to mount
him, and for this purpose get high stool, and
place 1t by his side; get upon it, and press with
both hands gently at first, afterwards lay the
whole body across his back, and habituate him to
feel yonr weight; and after a short time you can
mount him.-Raral american
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

A CORRESPONDENT at Baxter Springs, Kansas
gives the following unique description Of billiard
table at a billiard hall in that place:
1.-THE billiard tail was made as follows: First
in the middle of the floor, was large goods box
on which was laid about q wagon load of sand
stone covered with about eight yards of blue jeans
For pockets they had old boots about No. 10. For
cues they used old broken hoe handles; boled
eggs for balls, and to count this lovely game
they used dried apples on clothes line "-Ixscxn,-
ba Republican.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

HoosIER housewife furnishes this as the
original receipt for making the genuine and world
famous Indiana ginger-bread: "Git your ginger
melt molases till it biles Over melt butter till it's
thin; stir it through the molasses candy; multi
ply by wet sugar; thrash some clover and mary
ander seed, and grind them together; git atwelve
pound sack Of -four on credit; two cups of npur
oil of kline; beat somebody out of the eggs beat
the eggs; strain them to substract the shell; line
the pan with red flannel saturated with equal parts
Of COAL tar and strong butter, and pour the mix
ture in. Bake it until it tastes good"
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

A COOPER in the northeast part of Allen coun-
ty, finding considerable difficulty in keeping one
of the beads of the cask he was finishing in it's
place, put his son inside to hold the head mn.
After completing the work much to his satisfac-
fion. he was astonished to find his boy inside the
cask, and with possibility of getting ont, except
through the bung-hole.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

A MOTHER in the rural districts lately rave he,
i've year old hopeful an outfit of fishing tackle
Soon she heard a shout from Willie, and running
ont found one of her hest hens fast winding mn
the line in her CROP. whittier the hook had alrea-
dy preceded it. Willie, observing the troubled
look of his mother, quietly remarked: "Don't
worry, mother, l guess she will stop when she
gets to the pole
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

A CURE FOR HOG CHOLERA.-The following re-
mray for hog cholera, we are assured. has been
well tested by J. Piatt & Co., of Piatt county,
Illinois, during the last summer:
MAKE tea from the mayapple root, and for each
nunared hogs add one pound asafatida, and
make a,n. y sum slop with bran. For q cure, feed
o"ce oay; Tor preventive, once q week
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

GEORGIA negro Thought he would econopize
oy sending his son to school and then make the
hoy teach him. The plan worked well until the
Young teacher, following the custom of the semi.
dog d-o-r-g, and then the later became disgusted
and ran away.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

The Amherst Standard is responsible for the
following: "One of our sophomores has devised
. new way of telling bad news. He writes home
to his father, Il came near losing So last week
Anxious parent writes back that he is thankful
the money was not lost and wants to know how
near By return mail, 'came within one of it
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

An Old CANNON.-One of the divers employ
ed in clearing ont the channel of the river at Ban
gor. Me-. recently found an ancient cannon on the
bottom. nearly embedded in the mud and rocka,
II was hauled up and cleaned OF. but was rusted
90 that No date. if there ever were one, can BE-
found. The piece il of . very old pattern, and is
made Of iron soft that il can be cut with 4
knife. 1t WAS loaded with q six-pound ball,
which has been taken out, together with the
wooden sabot and the powder, the slatter still in
closed in its bag.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

A LADY living in London. VT, who lost her hus-
band in the war had an offer of marriage from q
man who lost his wife by divorce. She answered.
The Lord parted me and my husband, but your
own deviish action parted you and your wife, and
if you want another Won must GO to m. devil for
her, for won't have you,n
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

To MEASURE HAY IN SrAcKs-An old farmer
have bought and cold by it, and believe il NAV
be useful to many, where the means of weighing
are not at hand. Multiply the length, breadth
and hight into each other, and if the hay is some
what settled, 10 solid yards will make ton. Clio
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

TO OBTAIN sweet milk" said the veteran far
mer Greeley. laying down his pen and gazing
placidly into the face of his inquirer "to obtain
sweet milk, feed your cows twice day on sugar
cane. and he snre to keep the calf away from the
mother while teethinpo
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

DANBuRY Esther was recently complaining
of the late hours kept nv his son, when neigh
Dor suggested what he thought wonld he a nro-
per wav tn keen him from his haunts "Ohw ex-
claimed the afflicted father, ait is not his aunts
but another woman"
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

CONWAY. in his letters to the Cincinnati Co--
mevcist. says: "Nat long ago had q conversa-
tion with an English harrisfer who, while he was
strnlling in Spain. was fnriously attacked and
neariy killed by rural people. He only learned
afferwari that the cause Of the assault was per-
vading impression that the English people en-
gagged In putting mp telegraph in Spain were in
the habit Of stealing children and boiling them,
80 - to greaae telegraph wires with their fat
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

WHAT Mulch Is.-A mulch, says Hearth sad
Home. is any loose-lying substance, which distri-
buted over the surface Of the ground, viii keep
that surface moist; dry leaves, chopped hay or
straw, (better than long straw, coarse manure,
form mulch. A mulch is never tn be dag IN, but
has effect from its position upon the top of the
ground.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

The best time for painting the exterior of bull
ding Is late in autumn. or during the winter.
Paint then applied will endure twice a long a.
when applied in carly summer OF in hot weather.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

PAINTERS should seldom wash their hands in
furpentine, as the practice If persisted in, will
lead to the most serions RESULTS even to tho loss
Of power in the wrist joints.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

IL one County of Kansas alone there are one
hundred and twenty-one acres of castor beans un-
der cultivation. Greeley thinks it needs no mafh-
metician to show that the crop will SIMPLY cas-
tors to eyerv beistead in the United States
Detroit Free Press
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

CORRESPONDENT of the An~;,.. I.-;..r,.
,sf salts his rats by laying it on the siIls vhrrr
they can readily get it, and thus saves his har.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

So MUCH finn has been made of Horace Cr..,.r
90 farmer, that the Louisville Courier propo.es
that chase hall shah he abolished, and Greeley
proclaimed the national game
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

THE hest way to preserve cranberries in winter
il in water in the cellar: the water should be
changed once . month. CrsnbeEsies are shipped
in tight casks with water
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

GREELEY's recipe for preserving peaches. Cut
in strips not less than fifteen inches long; spread
them ont on the grass to bleach for three DAYS.
and finally sprinkle with cinnamon and mack in
sir tight jars filed with sawdust.-N T. CONNER
suf =
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

"WoMES. wake up!" exclaimed the Rerolxffoa
and an indolent rural editor saws: eyes. and.
damn II. turn out and mako FIRE and put the
tea-kettIe on
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19
tue CORN HVsXINc.
BY NATHAN uPHAN.

BY NATHAN uPHAN
There's soft mellow sunset" said good farmer C;rav
And we have been busy since morn,
And load upon load have we piled mp to-day;
OF my npest and yellowest corn;
And you know that to night the moon In at full:
VIII You turn out and give us . Husking. pull
do come il can with your girls and your boys,
And we will have glorious fun
Perchance red ear may add to our joys
For planted now and then one;
Besides. expect our old friend Matthew Brown
And his boys and girls from the neighboring town.
We've pasfnll Of cider right sweet from the press
And apples and pears that prime;
While wife and my danghters Sally and Bess.
Have cooked for Jolly good time!
Their pies, mnce and pumpkin and doughnuts are nice
Good-day. neighbor Brooks"-He of in trice
OF course there-boys and girls old and Young
And .stories were told. and quaint s0ngs were sung
While ears piled the baskets with goldi
And ali what glow on James cheek appears
When Charlie finds one of those lseky ned ears!
But he claims the rich forfeit and plants ripe kiss
Where he hopes many others will Grow;
And the hours fly along in pastimes like thia
While baskets. goldcrowned. quickly CO.
TIL the garner Is full. and out Of the door
Skulks Famine q wanderer thence evcrmore.
Ere the moon shows the noon of the night:
There tables stand groanng with enough and to snare
And all in the feast take delight;
For sweet after toll, cometh frolic or rest,
And labor and health to viands give zest
Now Jack. the blind fiddler. has "rosined his bow"
And the kitchen resounds with the glee;
While away to the parior the old couples 60.
And gossip begins with tea;
But long ere the NOON spreads with roses the east
The Husking 10 ended and the dance, and the feast
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

a CANDIDATE for Alderman Of Chicago ruined
me renufation for sohriety by endeavoring tn
ssro ON load nj hay which he mistook for .
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

CURE FOR EARAcHE.-Put . little black pepper
ear. This 10 one Of the ouickest remedies known.
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

To REMOVE greece rum floors, apply paste Of
wood ashes; keep II On scvsEal days and then
wash Il off,
White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-10-19

"A WESTERN editor who saw an item i'm some of
the papers to the effect that Rhode Islsnd vss be-
ing devastated by potato bug. want. TO know
and kill the monster.