The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-05-23


A California editor warned by re-
cent events, turns over a new s0ciei
leaf in these words:
"All mems wives who have hither-
to enjoyed the advantage of our &C
quaintance, are hereby notified that
this ceases to-day never to be renewed
Somebody perishes ingloriously every
day for being on speaking terms with
married women, and we do not care
to have our turn come round. Deeply
gratifed for the past forbearanoe Of
aggrieved husbands, we make our bow
and retire. Hereafter our mods aud
smiles will be lavished upon girls ard
widows exclusively; and no Others
need apply. Whoever shall attempt
to introduce his own wife, or any mans
will be regarded as conspirator
against our precious life, and subjected
to abuse in the columns Of this jour-
nal"
A Boston trader called at q house
in Maine some time ago to buy cheese,
but when he came to look at the lot,
he concluded not 10 take it, as it was
so full of shippers. AS he was going
off, the farmer said to him: "Look
here, how can l get my cheese to
Boston the cheapest?" The trader
took another look at the cheese, and
seeing more and more evidence of its
being alive, replied; "Well, let lit be
for day or two longer, and / guess
you can drive it down."
Boys will be boys, any way you can
mix'em up. At Altoona, Pennsylva-
MIA youth had his pocket full Of gun
powder, and as he was smoking cigar
stump he saw his mother coming, so
he hastily thrust the cigar into his
pocket. The old lady couldn't find
enough of her Johnny for the coroner
to hold an inquest over She says she
never believed in spirits until she saw
her boy disapper so sudden from before
her face and eyes.
A disguised bully at New Paltz, n
Y, taking offense at something he had
seen in the Times, of that place, recent
ly entered the sanctum to bounce the
editor. He made known his errand.
aggregated his forces for an attack,
moved with vehemence upon the editor
and after a short but very entertaining
skirmsh, was most effectually stood on
his little head, then waited out of the
Office in advance nf No. s boot pitch
ed to the key Of Oh
A young British officer in India, who
was shockingly mutilated and dishg'
ured in battle, after mature reflection
requested comrade to write to his be-
trothed in England, and release her
from the bridal engagement. Her no.
BILE reply was worthy of true woman:
"Tell him ii there is enough Of his body
left to contain his soul, | shall hold
him to his engagement"
An insanco woman rushed into 0
school-rom in Richmond, Va, few
days ago, and told the afirighted teach
er that she had been sent to teach the
children gymnastics, and the teacher
being afraid to object, she put the
children through a series of the most
extrayagant antics, after which she
quietly departed.
A Peekskill man writes the editor
of the local sheet that "youl Git yur
he'd punched if you print in yur paper
that my yf had twins" The Peek
skill man has our sympathy. To be
made a plural father at one fell swoop
is enough to give any man q "bad
spell"
A gentleman in this State had = re.
ceptou at his house the other evening.
and when the guests went away, il took
the host all night to wash the tar and
! pick the ftather5 of himself