South-eastern Independent. (McConnelsville, Ohio) 1871-1871, 1871-04-21
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

- AhLsh SOluCl
A SOFT BLow-A gentle breeze.
A FIRM FRIEND-An obstinate Quaker
THE HIRE CLAss-Laborers. The Lore
Class-Scholars.
THE Mutual Life, of Chicago, issues
policies upon all approved plans.
AN UNPLEASANT SORT OF ARITHMETIC.
Divisions among families.
MUD-TRKLE soup" was lately adver
tised at Hartford restaurant.
THE nearest an old bachelor gets to mat.
rimonial harness-a sir single.
PORTLAND, Me-, on its forty-six miles OF
streets has 3,411 dwelling houses.
A MAN who has tried it says that all the
shortcuts to wealth are over crowded.
TwENTY-FoUR large circusses are an
nounced for the season of 1871, in the
United States.
THE Boston AdUertiSer insists that the
worst kind of pine to make lumber OF is
the porcupine.
For want of better sport, a Mr.. Camp
bell, of New York, while intoxicated, bit
off cats tail, and was arrested.
THE Directors of the Washington Life
are some of our best and most reliable
men in the city. THOMAS CARLTON, Meth
odist Book Concern, New York.
An old lady, who was sharply question
ed the other day in court by an angry law
yer, remarked, on leaving the witness
stand, that she now understood what is
meant by cross-eXamination.
PHILADELPHIA has 114,303 dwelling
houses, of which 101,6SS are of brick or
stone, and the remainder, 1865 of wood.
With the exception of 6,94S. these are all
small two-story and three-story buildings.
"BoY," said an in-tempered old fellow
to noisy lad, "what are you hollerin' for
when am going by?" "Humph," re-
turned the boy, what are you going by
for when l am hollerin' ?"
"FOR whom are you concerned 2"
asked a judge of a witty lawyer am
concerned for the defendant may it please
your Honor, but 1 am retained by the
plaintiff" was the reply.
Mrs. MYRA CLARK GAINES declares, it
is said, that of more than one hundred
lawyers who were opposed to her in her
prOtracted suits, seven committed suiciue
and fifty-six drank themselves to death.
A YOUNG man wants to know what busi-
ness he had better go into that will enable
him to occupy high position in society.
Let him try the roofing business. In that
trade smart man will soon get up to the
top of the ladder.
THE Empress Augusta and the Crown
Princess Victoria, during the war, broke
to nearly one thousand persons the sad
news that relatives of theirs rad been
either killed or dangerously wounded in
France.
J. B. WARREN, when clerk in grocery
store at West Warren, Mass, Thirty years
ago, caught a rat in a trap, and tying bell
to his neck, let him go. Ten years later
he was caught a second time and Gagged
and is still alive, playing around the
house of his captOr like any other pet.
ALAwYER, in addressing the jury, made
use of this phrase, speaking of his client ::
" Othello's occupations gone" When his
opponents turn came, he referred to the
matter, and said that the only resem-
blance there was between his adversary's
client and Othello was this they both
had most villainous counsel"
"THERE is man in Glen Falls, N. Y,
who won't believe any stories about the
sagacity of dogs. He says dogs have not
common sense. In proof of his assertion
he relates how he poured kerosene on a.
dog and set it on fire, Just to have little
fun, as he was lonely during his wife's alb
sence, and that dog actually run under the
barn belonging to him, and lay there, and
set the barn on fire, though the man
whistled to him to come out 1t is
enough to make man lose faith in dogs"
A ToBACCo-LovING preacher, not long
since, asked to stay all night at country
house, but was forbidden by a lady.
Knowing her to be q member of the
church, and generally known to entertain
he began to quote Paul to her,
hoping that she would understand by this
that he was preacher. He had hardly
got out, "For thereby some have enter
tanned angels unawares," when she said.
d l know, sir; but angels would not come
with guilds of tobacco stuck in their
mouths" The preacher left without any
further ceremony.
THERE may sometimes be met in the
streets of Portland bright-eyed, rosy
little woman, usually accompanied by two
children, one a fair little girl, and the
other an apple munching urchin. Moth
ing extraordinary about that; but there
by hangs a tale. At the time of the late
civil war this little lady's lover was sol
dier, and was down with Phil Sheridan in
the Shenandoah, where he lost a leg. The
lady's friends notified her that of course
she would regard the engagement as can
celled. / shall do nothing of the kind"
she replied. What, marry a one-legged
mani" "Of course I'm going tol Why,
bless your souls, if they'd shot James all
away and saved the leg, I'd have married
thatT Thank heaven, says local paper,
she was not reduced to that. James has
q good cork leg, good situation, two nice
babies, and one of the truest and best little
wives in Christendom.
A CERTAIN undergraduate at Cambridge
was under examination, and among the
questions contained in one of his papers
was the following: "Why will not a pin
stand upon its point?" The examinee
was not very strong in his subje> is, but,
as there was nothing like putting a good
swer the question in as formal way as
possible The interesting result stood as
follows 1. A pin will not stand on its
head, much less is it possible that it
should stand on its point. 2. A point, ac-
cOIQluk W 10 lA4At nAACh mas AO
parts and no magnitude. A pin cannot
stand on that which has no parts and no
and, therefore, pin cannot
stand on its point. 3. 1t will, if you stick
it in..
AT Pawtucket, r. l., there lives GER
tain young gentleman aged eighteen
months. The other day this youth kept
1uiet an unusual time, and his mother
all was not right, went into an
adjoining room to look him up. Here she
looked upon a sight which almost curdled
her blood with terror. Upon the floor by
an open bureau drawer sat this "preco-
cious YOUTH" with loaded and capped
md self cooking revolver in his hand, and
he was amusing himself by ramming the
nuzzle of the piece down his throat,
at the trigger and hammering it
lpon the floor. As soon as the mother
recovered from her fright she took the
from the child, and administered
/ remembrance which will, doubtless,
Letter him from another such exposure of
ais precious self to instant annihilation.
It is almost a miracle that the child had
not killed itself upon the spst.