Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-08-15
-LaG2ecb for -Hss22aOr6sts.

Give a child bat and most likely it IL bawl.
The pre- hysteric period-before tight lacing
was invented.
Punch says the Emusic Of the future will
be played by bands of hope.
A New York paper describes how a paper
mill recently exploded" and filled the air
with rags ior miles around.
In Wyoming, where the women vote, the
bride furnishes the ring and license, and the
blushiDg bridegroom fails into Mysteries.
fragments Of human beings, blown into the
air by steamboat explosions, are spoken Of in
Arkansas as atmospheric phenomena
A New Hampshire farmer describes the hay
crop by saying that 1.-The grasshoppers have all
got lame in trying to jump from one blade OF
grass to another
Citizens of the oil regions express value in
terms of oil barrels. Thus they speak of
fashionable young lady as wearing an eighty
six barrel opera-sult.
A Wisconsin preacher, DESTROYS of getting a
practical illustration of the text cali flesh is
grass got in the way of moving machine
and nearly lost his legs
A Western hummer lately put himself to bed
on the steps Of church, and, trying to fold
the snow fakes around him, declared every
time he grasped handful that the darned
sheets always tore so.
A drunken man fell asleep by the roadside,
where pig found him and began to lick his
mouth Who's kissing me now?" exclaimed
the drunkard. What a capital thing it is to
be In favor with the Women''
There may be something in a name, for the
very polite Boston papers call their Founding
Asylum Refuge for Anonymous Infants, .
while Chicago, with the most finished etiquette,
announces Rancho for babies born on the
European plan.
The "Abyssinian stretch" has superseded
the Grecian bend and the Kangaroo droop
among the bellies of fashion. 1t is supposed
that this will have short run, as the NADIA
gascar futter' and the "Fijian sprawl are
waiting to be adopted
The refinement Of cruelty.-A Western pa
per says of rival: The ''Fuminator' has not
been published for nearly week" The truth
is that the 'Fulminator' is weekly, and had
no business to appear until after the above item
was written. 1t was simply bright attempt
to iDjure the standing of rival.
A Colorado saloon-keeper said of rough
crowd: Il couldn't get their whisky strong
enough for them, so, after trying every way,
at last made mixture of poison oak and but
ternut. That fetched them. | called it the
sheep-herder's delight; and it was popular
drink The first Pike [ tried it on yelled with
delight; the next one took two drinks, and
turned double somerset in the road before the
house. A pedder came along, and after he
took several drinks of my sheep-herder' de-
light, he went off ard stole his own pack aud
hid it Ia the woods"
SARATOGA WATER-One who has been in
the business gives the following valuable receipt
for manufacturing Saratoga water: Take four
quarts of sour rain water and shake it well.
Then take pair Of bellows and blow it full OF
wind. Add two ounces of black and tan pep
per, four quarts of solar salt, six rusty sign
hinges, two old hammers, four gimlets, two old
ink bottles, seven horse shoes some more salt,
some more pepper two yards Of cid clothes
line, one old hat lining. four button holes. SIX
shingles, two Jumps OF hard COAL one sheet of
sand paper, and one chair round. Then blow
in it through straw until bubbles rise Oh top.
Then shake 1t till il looks like boiled water
Add a little more salt and bottle it up, and If
you never drank it, it will taste like Saratoga
Springs water for all the world.