The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1871-10-20
HUMORs OF THE DAY.

the scratch!
Are women nearer angels since |
they have worn high heels?
It is easier for a man to be engag-
ed than to beSengaging,
Women are born women. Men
arc born boys, and have to grow up.
Marriage is often the end of a
mans trOubles-but Whichlend?
No unfortunate trader looks so
down in the mouth as dentist.
The highest compliment to q bar
ber-He died and made no sign.
Men often strike women before
marriage, and oftener afterwards.
The story of an unhappy marriage
is often q narrative many 10OTds.
Nearly all women like soldiers,
and some would like a good offer, sir.
Why should a proud lady wear
| vail? Because pride must have a
fall!
| Why, if you are called loudly,
must you wear a wig? Because you
are bGIOJed after.
! One lady ought not to envy an
other lady's roam horse, because it is
not her own.
1t only takes four letters to make
love. They should be returned,
though, when it is over.
Why was Desdemona like Lucy
Ashton? Because she was the bride
of L'GmOlIT Moor.
Fashionable bootmakers can't al
ways cure ladies boots if they are
bad but they heel them,
Why is a man who kicks out right
and left like an ancient TObber? Be-
cause he's a freebooter.
It is proposed that men who are
bald-headed should have their mono
gram painted on the bare spot.
Sermons in stones-Monument
| commemorative heroic men and
heroic deeds.
The Arkansas Journal says !:
"Where our office was two weeks
ago now runs the Mississippi River.
Out of respect for the Father of RiV-
ers we left"
A little bit Of a thing, who had
just got back from aparty, was asked
, by her mamma how she had enjoyed
herself. 80 mamma !" she said, ''I'm
so full of happiness, l couldn't be no
happier without l was bigger"
There must be some mistake about
this item, which we clip from an ex-
change. It says: "The young men
/ of the Wheeling watering places
have discarded white vests. The
young ladies use so much oil on
their hair, that vest is only good
= for one evening on the piazza"
:,
J said to have taken place between a
l merchant and one of his clients: "SiT
j your account has been standing for
two years l must have it settled i'm
mediately." Answer: "Sir things
e usually settle by standing;I regret
that my account is an exception. II
I it has been standing too long suppose
1 you let it run a little"
A clergyman, who owned a farm,
found his plOWman sitting on his
Z plow, resting his horse. Quoth the
clergyman "JOhn, wouldn't it be q
good plan for you to have a good
stub-scythe here and be cutting q few
= bushes along the fence while the
horse is resting a short time =
| wouldn't it be well sir" said John
: ! ''for you to have tub of potatoes in
y | the pulpit, and when they are sing
: ing, peePem awhile to be ready fol-
the pot?"
g a very happy rctort was that of 6
y badgcred witness to q lawyer named
: Missing who was tOrmenting him
The lawyer was defending prisoner
: charged with stealing a donkey. The
q | prosecutor had left the animal tied
. up to a gate, and when he returned
! it was gone. Missing was very
severe in his examination of the
, witness. "DO you mean to say, wit
ness, the donkey was stolen from
, that gate. 81 mean to say, sir,
giving the judge and then the jury q
, sly look ''the ass was Missing"
: LIFE.-He who attempts to com.
!, press three lives in one will inevita.
: bly, experience q failure. He who
tries to live in the past and future