The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-09-30
cRnAM OF ouR EXCHANGES.

CREAM OF QUA EXCHANGES.
II would seem from the Morris Htrald that
che people up there have the ague. Charlie
Southard says: 1T L. terrible hard work b.
tween ahakss"
We presume there il much agitation about it,
especially when shaking time comes ON.
The HHrad says. they have lately had Re.
publican County Convention at Morris, and the
asx. item following is, "Our county Jail il nov
fall" A natural consequence. Ne should infer,
especially where justice is strictly admin,stered
and at N ,rris it IT, of course. bccause the mayor
thereof 10 democrst.
An eastern exchange gives rs this exceedingly
~jolly" Bit Of asvs:
A funeral procession in Massachusetts,, on
seAchiag the cemetery. found the undertsker
aad HE assissans both to drank 70 astsnd 10
heir autieA
Tue ElsiA Gasstts has discovered The fastest
lsr.s il The world. OK thsrsaboah:
IA is earreasly reported that the Aorss. bsfors
1isase~ Many do.bt Tie sss,s.asat sad an
sDest vtl b made during the Fair 70 test the
q,ssnoo- For Hear Of injlry. ~ tsaos saoA
9ds Ut the srsek will b renewed at tAe time be
evsa.
The following il the worst ssrossn ON /" n.
g." that has yet como undsr our aetaos:
The Troy Wing says that doctor" Greeley
~ evidently caught the presidsstisl itch and
until the people consent to make him president,
there won't b anything left Of hin.
An exchange attempts to aeooaat for an acci.
deuc to an individual io this quaint manner:
The body II man, With bullet hole through
his heart, wAs found ct Atlantis, on Saturday.
supposed to have been murdered.
The questions are, did the man die, and did
they find the bullet9
Newspapers in Massachusetts, will now and
thes tell tho truth, - 10 evinosd by tho follow.
Ing:
Boston mas put detective polico in citizens
drsas on the Streets aud in that city IL 10 couse.
aasatly difficult to tell one rogue from another.
The Wilmington Independent gets of this
aost excruciatingly funny item:
"Gettins short at bote ends-the days."
Will the Independent "rise to explain" whether
il r"sns canal boat or canoe, or what 6ote il
seslly refers to?
Webster. OF the La Sale Rrsss, ventures the
following, which for him 10 rather better than
usual:
BEvERIDGE AND BEvERAaE-The name of
General Beverage, the Republican candidate for
Congressman at Large suggests that Q great
many beverages OF different sorts will enter the
&eld in opposition to him. We will take our
Beveridse straight Democrats wall prefer mixed
beverages.
Here is BON mot much above thousand. It
i decidedly "good for low"
A gentleman who was taking morning walk
ct S,rAtogs, met . fashionable matron Who in.
formed him, boasttully, that she had Just drank
thirteen glasses Of water at Congress spring.
''Good morning." said he, politely touching bis
hat; pray don't allow me to dstain you"
We give another:
DARK-John Williams, Alfred Discarrenk.
and Noels, Gllas .dison Hampton, all oolored,
We're hung on Saturday last, in St. James Parish.
H., for the murder of Frank Menleats. n colored
man. They were executed Or the SPOT where
the murder was committed. The sheriff, execa.
ticher, iiailur and guards were all oolored. Can
any thins be said to give additional color to the
affair?
-Au exchanse conveys to us this startling bit
~ Sntellgence: ,...s
Louis Napoleon died last week. He was
horse.
The Ottawa Free 7raa.- local has column
headed: "Cream Of our Exchange" 80 Wouder
If it Aeeps it on ice during tbs present state of
the thermometer, to keep IL from s6pringP We
know that chsp-his name 10 Armstrong; now,
II you would say: 'Screams OF our kxcbanges,'
during the summer, it will diminish your ice
BILL ,rasA lEe ,a
Thank you; but We never take Ice ia ouru.
Here is another delicate joke on tho Chicago
river: ""
The Peoria Transcript says: "The river 10
getting to be aegravatingly Low, aad the bust.
1ess transacted upon it just now IL oonssq GENTLY
very light. The waters Of the mighty Chicago,
flowing iuto the insignifcant Llliuois, do not
seem to have made much di6sceace With the
latter. 81 far as heard from, mono Of the fishes
have taken the dslirium trsmsns froa TOO free
lndnlyeuce in the Chicago river, noe has Peoria
lake rsen tho four feet prescribed for her when
L ke Michigan Was to be emptied iato her."
Here is Il distressing item:
The Lscon Journal ADVERTISE for printer
Who Ia willing to help edit his paper. snd to set
type when not otherwise engaged. He must
als' pledge himself not to be huyging the girl
eomp'si'ors when tho boss IL away.
We have always objected to every manner Of
practical jokes, but this. given by sn exchange
csn be perfectly justified, on the ground that "it
served him right" Why: .....
In New York man recently made wager
that h. could run a closed umbrella down bis