Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1871-12-19
THE TRIALS OF SANTA CLAUS.
As Told by Himself.

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THE TRIALS OF SANTA CLAUS.
A Told by Himself
l know | am considered Jolly old
fellow, with nothing to do but drive
down chimneys with a broad grin on
my face; but | have my trials, like
all other saints and sinners. 1t is
not Christmas. eve the whole year
round there is before and an after.
and if you think / have jolly times
then, you are mistaken. Just now
it is the before that worries me; |
must have, before the 25th of Decem-
Der, private communication with at
least five millions Of fathers aud
mothers, brothers and sisters, uncles
and aunts and cousins, to say nothing
OF husbands and wives, lovers and
friends; and this is no trife, | assure
you, when you look at it seriously as
| have to.
Take as an example, the Rubbs-
about an average family. There is
grandpa and grandma Rubb to begin
with, and aunt Melinda and then
there are papa and mamma Rubb, and
Minnie and Tom, and Lottie and
Harry and the baby, besides Nora,
the nurse, and Bridget, the cook. 1t
is easy enough to manage the baby
and the two, four and six year Odds !;
there are candies and dolls. and
blocks and pictures-Dool<s, and Jump
ingjacks, and things Of that sort for
them but think of grandpa Rubb |!
and of aunt Melinda How can |
know what will suit an old maid of
fifty, who can't have caps, because
she dyes her HAIR, and don't care for
bows, nor books, nor pictures, nor
portfolios nor sugar-plums, nor pin
cushions, and who would be mortalIy
offended if | carried her new dress
or shawl, "as if she was too poor to
clothe herself Papa Rubb is almost
as bad; he's had shaving papers and
slippers and dressing-gown and a
family Bible and a penknife, and a
portmonnaie, and photograph album
and | should like to know what
more you could do for man who
never reads, and cares nothing for
pictures and pretty things? In fact,
men are trying, both old and young
ones; there are hosts of things to
give pretty, wide awake young girls,
but the men do bother me every year
most unacoountably. And | suppose
there are at least fifteen thousand to
be looked after this very minute !
And an easy time | have of it, for
sooth | should like to have you
try itjust for one year and see-that's
all
Another trouble is-people hurry
me so. Half of my customers will
not do q single thing till ten days be;
fore am to load up, and then how
they do drive round, and what hur-
ries and worries and scurries they do
get intol | want little time to as.
sort my wares and get things packed
away into my bundle orderly and
comfortably, and though can move
as swiftly as most people, / should
be good deal more saintlike in my
temper and department if / was not
knocked and hurried about so on the
23d and oath of December, every
year.
Again, being saint, am of high
moral principles. Judge, then, how
hang my head and blush, when
some bright-eyed young girl brings
me cigar-case, or brandy flask, or
q pack of cards to take to some young
man whom l know-though she
doesent-is on the very verge OF
running himself smoking. drinking OF
gambling? Shall her fair hands help
to push him over the precipice on
which he stands tottering? By q
law of my nature, can never refuse
to deliver what is intrusted to me
but often long to cry out, 'forbear
you know not what you do More
than once | have taken a case of gen
uine Hollands to a man breaking
down by drink, or q box of choice
Havanas' TO a youth whose nerves
were already all unstrung by exces
sive smoking, or set of costly jew
elry to wife whose womanly purity
was already soiled, if not destroyed
bv too great love of dress. Yes
even Christmas gif; may bring ruiz
to some poor soul
Another terribly trying thing to 9
tender-hearted saint is TO be compel
led to carry loads and loads of thing
to persons who don't want them
who are rather annoyed than pleased
by their arrival-and to go straigh
by many poor mans door withou
leaving so much as single stick o
candy for the baby. Last year,
carried q solid silver urn to rich Mrs
Fuller, who, the moment she saw
turned up her nose and said: Gas
| wanted to be plagued with the car
of such thing as that How | hat
to be under obligation TO that wo
mani and in going there l have d
pass right by Mary Minturn's door
and she, poor thing, lying there yea