The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-02-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

marriage ceremony. to use IN his pray.
er for the bridal couple the sentence,
Suffer little children to come unto
me-"
"A merchant, not over. er.conversant
with geography, on hearing that one Of
> MS vessels was in jeopardy, exclaimed:
"Jeopardy, Jeopardy; where's thatY
Atany rate, Tm glad the ships got
INTO port"
A lady wishes soue one would in.
vent Il "lesometer' to attach to mems
pedals, that wives may determine the
distance travelled hy their husbands
when they want to "jn't step down TO
the post.otlice" Of an evening,
"A pious old lady at Methodist
meeting in Cincinnati, prayed: 20,
Lord, we thank thee for the gooGly
; number here to night, and that Tnou
art elsu here, notwithstanding tie in.
clemency of the weather.
"A Gypsy woman promised TO
show two young ladies their husbands
faces ia a pail Of water, T"ey lookld,
and exclaimed, "Wny, we only SCI our
own faces" "Wrll,' said the gypsy,
those viii be yolr husbands when
you are married"
"A tradesnan, who had failed in
the city Of Bangor, wrote on his front
door: "Paynent suspended for thirty
days" A neishbor reading this said:
You have not dated the notice
no. said be, II do not intend to do
50: it would run out ii did,
A boy WAS sent by his mother to
saw some stoye-wood out Of railroad
ties. Going out doors shortly alter
she found the youth sitting on the saw.
horse, with hea,! down. The mother
asked her hopeful son why be was cast
down, and why he didn't keep at his
work. The boy replied; My dear
mDther, Gnd it hard, very hard, to
sever cid ties
A B.rrister Fooled Sir" said q
fierce lawyer, "do YOU, on your solemn
OATH declare this 10 not your hand.
wriun.;' II reckon not" was the
cool reply. Does it resemble your
aandwritingf" Yes, sir; l think 1t
lont." DO you swear that it don't
resemble your handwriting = "WelI.
do, old head You take your sol
cma on;h that this writing does not re-
sonihle yours single letter p " e-s,
Sin" Now, how do you know
"Cause can't write"
The Boston Transcript says:
'OnG Of our young acqualntances not
long since was endca> oring to enjoy
an evening in the o npany Ola young
lady, fair and entertaining, upon whom
nc called. but found 4 serious obstacle
in the person of her stern and not very
cordial father, who nj length ventured
to very plainly intimate that the hour
for retiring had arrived. i think you
are correct, my dear sir, returned tho
unablshed young man, we have been
waiting to have you so to bed for over
IN hour
Old Judge B---was what Ar
trmus ward would have called "a 90
yiable cuss' Of the bench, and was
noted for claiming acquaintance with
any one whose appearance pleased
! aim Entrilny 4 crowded raiiaay
carriage one day. Ills honor found tho
only uuOccupivd seat to be by the
,tde OF Il guod-Iooklns young lady.
AsrertalnIy that the seat was not en-
4a-e,i, the judge setLl!d himself com
iurtaDIy IN 1t. anu tUrning with his
accustomed bland, talhrrIy smile,
said--"Your lace seems familiar 10
me, nv dear; think | must know
YOU Il should think you might
sail tue unknown, IN Il hoalse, con.
tratlO voice, turning a yndctlvt pair
oi eyes utoI the astonIshed judge,
Il shuuld think you might; you
sent me 10 the House Of Correction
tor three muIlls .ast win er you old
scoundrel" The judge did no:
his claim for acquaintance any further
in that quarter.
a MAIDES's PSALM OF LIFE.
Tell us not in id,r jingle marriage
is an empty DREAM for the girl is
dead that's single, and things are not
what they seem.
| Life is real; life is earnest; single
blrssedness fb; "man thou art, to
man rsturnest," has been spoken ofthG
rib.
Not enjoyment and not sorrow is
our destined end or day, but to set that
each Tomorrow fnds US nearer mar.
riaye day.
Life is long, and youth is aeeting,
and our hearts, though light and gay.
still, like pleasant drums, are beating
Wedding marches all the way.