The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-11-11

PEPPER Salt ana Spice.
Beemus was the victim of a v,.t.h.a
Gently. He attempted to tell what h. con.;a.
cred funny story to q crowd of w.p, At Tho
Clifton. and when he reached tn. point vb.,.
the laugh should have come in. he VA. go
ished to find his auditors all ,ound 49,,
and vigorously snoring !....Jim Cross. in snt;c;.
patton OF being the next postmsste. of uttsv.-
had the brazen assurance to go into pos,m.,ts,
Cameron's private Office and offer him one ,.ou,-
for the furniture in the office! Cameron i. 40
mad about it that he gets up Hights to cuss
One cold, rainy morning at Elk o'clock we vera
electrified by the unmstakable sound of min.
strel bones. On looking out We beheld Inv
about six years old, bare footed, on his head .
crownless Eat. and wearing no coat, play,p, n.
bones evidently imagining himself an end man
in negro show. The other end man probably
might have been at Dayton. The young man.
audience was flock of geese, and they evident
ly appreciated bis efforts, Is every few moments
they gave him lusty encore. Going down tina
street, few moments afterwards, We discov.
cred another specimen Of youthful precocitv.
Another lad, but much better clad than thu
former, had succeeded in putting up a small
American flag in cherry tree, and standing be.
meath it with folded arms, the rain ponrinv
down In his face, was gazing in patriotic sdmi.
ration upward, and making An indefinite. but
laborious effort to whistle " Yankee Doodle.~
Should these boys follow the natural bent Of
their minds, one will become . soldier. and thu
other negro minstrel Some DAYS ago A
couple OF young couples came to the GALLOWAY
House, in this city, and requested J. Cross,
ESQ., to procure minister. ajustics Of the peace,
OF any one who could perform the marriage
ceremony. Jim rushed around town and finally
found I'eu. Col. Moore, of Cushman's Foundry.
Tho COL came and did the job up in elegant
style. A youth. recently from Peunsylysnia,
watched the proceedings with much interest
and when the couples a.d the minister had de.
parted, after much deep eositation, exclaimed
"say, Jim, gosh blamed il them perceedinss 10
reglar. Tsint legal nuther. What right has
foreman OF foundry for to marry folks? Jim
could net explain. and that other boy is going
back TO Pennsylvsnia. He says "he WILL" BY
hossey In eur account Of the fearful exploits
oil two Ottawa gentlemen who were pursued all
one day among the Chicago ruins BY soldier
on horseback. whom they took to be Gen. sheri.
dan, We forgot to mention that when they wsre
coming home on the c. B. i @. Railroad, and
when within few miles Of Ottawa, the con.
duesor opened the car door and yelled. "Sheri.
dan y In terrific CONSERVATION one maa hid in
the closet for gentlemen" while the other
jumped on. through window, Aed to the woods,
and walked home Among the funny things
OF the late election, none were more absurdly
ridiculous than that of the man who voted re-
ceipt for box rent at the postoffce except that
of clerk of popular dry goods house in this
city, who deposited in the ballo. box the follow.
ing ticket: Mrs Mclaughlin, 2a yds. white
flannel, q. yds. Cambria for ruttiing 3 yd. red
flannel, pair stockings, babes size, one bottle
Mrs Winslow's soothing syrup. and some stuff
for dish cloth! A young man lately went
to see his ''gurrel." and the lady of the house
asked him TO take chair" To the astonish.
ment OF Ma. he put chair on his shoulder
opened the front door and left 80. If the we'll
known Observation-Disclosures merchant does
not come and take his 7. Cat, Esq, away from
" Beemus" sanctum, he mot the cat, nor Bee
mus, but the merchant atoresaid,l will hear some
thing to his advantage, if Bsemus has TO kill the
cst....H the two confidence operators who
swindled the board of election of the ID pre-
cinct of Ottawa out Of IL can Of oysters on the
evening of last election day, do not "come to
Limerick" they will get Cork.ed up. The judges
Of said election want blood, oysters or revenge!