The Van Buren press., 1871-05-23
Simon Says "Wig.Wag."
Grants Consultation with Cameron on the
High Joint Treaty.

Washington Correspondent Of the Cincinnati Com.
Dercial,I
But then we have the venerable Come.
ron to the fore to enlighten the lnscru-
table and protect us in our rights. Simon
was telegraphed tor the moment the trea-
ty agreed on by the commission was sub
mited to the President and Simon
promptly responded The meeting be-
tween His EXcellency the Inscrutable
and the Honorable Dick Turpin, of Pen
nsylvania, must have been exceedingly
entertaining if one could only have been
present to witness it. Simon knows
about as much Of our foreign relations
rs a COW does of campmeeting, and the
Inscrutable knows less, as | have said.
The interview was probably about as
follows. Now. mind, don't assert that
there is word Of truth in what am GO
ing to relate. can only assert that it is
true in character.
President (smoking) says, slowly and
between pua's-I sent for you, Senator
Cameron
Cameron-Yes, Mr.. President, come
Immediately. There is hell to pay in my
State with this man Geary, and l ought
to be at home. But, as chairman Of the
committee on Foreign Relations, it is
my duty to consult with you, SO l had
only time to put clean shirt and few
blank commissions in my valise. and
hurry on. What do you think Of this
treaty.
Pre- sident-Pretty fair, ! guess (puff,
puff, don't know (puh, puff, } will send
it in (puff. puff, J, and let you senators
work it (puff) out (paf
Simon-If tie yankees get all they
want in the fisheries and the Western
men the free navigation Of the st Law
renee and We have apretty plump sum
paid for the Alabama claims and Il few
apologies, rather think We ought to be
satisfied. But they must not touch our
duties--to lower the duty on coal one
cent would lose us Pennsylvania. Wen
lose Pennsylvania, any way, if we don't
crush out that ass, Geary. He's giving
us a deal Of trouble. Now. Mr. Presi
dent, | have few friends of hours and
mine here to be provided for, and if you
Just knock 'em in to these offices, Gcary's
a dead cock in the pit, and we can count
on Pennsylvania all the time
Prcsident-llow (puf,puf) about
Sumner (puE)
Smon-I don't know, and don't care !;
nobody cares for Sumner; he's collapsed
long ago. But, Mr.. President. as was
saying, this Geary must be crushed, and
our friends provided for. Now, here, |
have thought the thing over, and if you
can make way
President (smoking with great vigor)
How about this question of neutrali
typ
Simon(in ragc)--I don't konw how
the devil should | know? The commits
sion has not consulted me-. and I'm deve
lsh glad ! was not consulted. ! have as
much as | can do keeping the party to.
gether in Pennsylvania. And that is Of
more importance, | can tell you, than
any question between England and this
country. If the Democrats carry Penn
sylvania, good bye, John, that's all
and this Geary--
President-Did you buy that Morgan
colt you were talking about last winter?
Simon-Ycs, did, and have had him
in training for two months, new. He can
make his mile in 2.40, or I'm sinner
So soon as he is well trained l want to
present him to you as n token OF Pen
nsylvania's personal regard.
Presldent-Umph what Is he worth
Simon.-Two thousand il q cent.
President-Who are the people you
want appointed
Smon--Here they are, Mr.. President
every man loyal man and friend OF
yours-every one Of them was the first
to nominate you for the Presidency, and
will be the last to leave you as long as
there is a cent in the Treasury.
And here ended the famous consulta'
ton on foreign affairs with the llustrious
successor Of Senator Sumner.
Ev- He who sows bramblcs must not
go bare footed.
------>S~->>----