Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-04-13
Humrouos Readings.
Sharp-shooters-Meteors.
The toilers of the see-PoPes.

Observation-Disclosures.
The toilers of the see-PoPes.
Song of the oyster-Keep me in my lit
tie bed
Salutation among brewers-"Ale fellow
well met"
How to make time go fast-Use the
spur of the moment.
Who ever saw anybody near fire who
didn't want to play poker
What Columbus did-A notion crossed
him, and he crossed an ocean.
Burnt children dread everything but
fire, the little heroes and sheroes.
The artist who "drew bis last breath
so finely never drew anything m ore.
A bad thing for people in the summer
To have speculation in their ice"
Some one asserts on good authority that
the ''early bird" caught cold, instead Of
worm.
A Wisconsin schoolma'am has substi.
tuted kissing for whipping. The big boys
require great deal of punishment.
A hibernian Senator, speaking of sui.
eide, said, THE only way to stop it is TO
make it a capital offense, punishable with
death"
as it possible, Miss, you don't know
the name of some of your friends = "OA,
yes, don't know what my own may be
| in year"
1t is wonderful what folly love will
lead sOIse men into. An exchange says
Lima n. Y, is the town rendered forever
famous by man clipping with his moth r
| in-law.
"Come, don't be timid,' said couple
of snobs to two mechanics 4: ''sit down and
make yourselves our equals" "We'd have
to blow our brains out TO do that" We
the reply.
An ambitious citizen of Rome, Ca, en-
deavored to eat three quarts of oysters re.
Gently. A local paper says at was way
he had of signing an engagement to Stun
Der in the valley"
A cruel Baltimore parent poured bot
water down tin tube in the mouth Of
his daughters lover who was under her
window and thought she was at the other
end of the speaking tube.
A little boy had great liking for the
water. His mother told him not TO 60 on
the wharves or near the water. "For,
Freddy, if you should get drowned, We
should never know what had become of
you" "Oh yes, you would, cause It
would be in the papers"
A cockney tourist met with a Scotch
lassie going barefoot towards Glasgow.
L4ssie," said he, II should like to know
if all the people in this part go barefooted:r
part of 'em do, and the rest of 'em mind
their own business" was th9 rather set.
Ting reply.
The following stanza is said to have
been copied from the tombstone of hus.
band and wife:
"Within this grave do lie,
Back TO back, my wife and I
When the last trump the air shall fill,
If she gets up, I'li just lie stll''
1t was a very hard-shell Baptist, Of
Tennessee, who suggested, when he heard
of the reformation of an ungodly neigh.
Dor, that no ordinary baptism would do
for that mantle only sure way would
be 20 tie grindstone to his feet. and San
Choir him over night in the middle Of the
river
One of the "scheol-marms" who recently
her vocation, thus writes to her friends at
home "a panther was killed last week
near my school-room, measuring seven
feet from the tip of the ears to the OK.
tremity of the tail, and seven back again
making fourteen in all" Smart "school
marin" that
A Bavarian officer, in France, found one
of bis men cleaning a chicken. "Hallo,
fellow" cried he, "where did you get thst
chicken? Don't you know that stealing
has been forbidden on pain of death ?" "a
peasant woman gave it to me-" was the
answer. And what did she say ?" We'll
she didn't say much she only cried -
A beggar asking aims under the name
of poor scholar, a gentleman to whom
he applied himself asked him a question
in Latin. The fellow, shaking his head,
said be did not understand him. "Wby,'
said the gentleman, "did you not say you
were a poor scholar ?" "Yes," replied
the other, ga poOr one indeed, Sir, for DO
not understand one word of Latin"
In illustrating the fruits of advertising
an exchange Gays: "a family in Florida
lost their little boy and advertised for
him in a daily paper. That very aiter-
noon an alligator crawled up out OF
swamp and died on the front doorstep:
In his stomach was found handful Of
red bair, some bone-buttons, pair Of
boot-heels, a glass allsy, pair of cheek
pants, and a paper collar. The adFef'
tisement did it."
At him again.-The following laugh
upon Mr.. Greeley is going the rounds -
When he was at Lawrence, Kan sss, De
was taken in carriage TO see the city
and its improvements. Keeping him en-.
gagged in conversation, the irreyerent
scamps of his escort drove five or Fix
times around a square, at each circuit
passing fine building in course of cree
ton. At about the fifth round Horace
broke forth: swell, well, Lawrence Is
growing rapidly. Why, there is q very
large number of buildings going up.
Don't you fancy there is little monotony
N the architecture, though z"