The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1871-07-12
The DarWinian Theory,
THE MONKEYS HEAR OF IT, AND AXE
MUCH AGITATED IN CONSEQUENCE.

THE MONKEYS HEAR OF IT, AND AXE
MUCH AGITATED IN CONSEQUENCE.
Darwin's theory concerning the des-
cent of man is creating a tremendous
sensation among the monkeys. They
have just heard Of it, and are terribly
exercised. They repudiate the whole
theory. That man descended from
them they consider siur on tho entire
monkey race.
4 cage of John Robinson's monkeys
held an indignant meeting over the
matter the other day, after the per-
Torrance. A venerable chimpanzee,
whose gray hairs entitled him to the
distinction, was made chairman and,
sitting in swing, presided with the
utmost dignity. He got a little excl
ted in his speech as lie took the chair,
but this was pardonable under the cir,
eumstances. "What," exclaimed the
venerable balloon, "Man descended
from US! 1 repudiate the idea with
scorn. True we have our faults. We
are accused of cutting up monkey
shines sometimes, and not without
cause, but this attempt to make US
father the human race is altogether too
requires us to travel around the conn
try in this manner to make u livcli-
hood TO exhibit ourselves to gaping
men, women and children, at so much
head, (when two thirds of them have
no head at all to speak off, without
having it flung into our faces thab>Te
originated the pack of fools styled
menG :" sa
His remarks were received with eve
ry expression of possible delight to the
monkey. Some stood on their pyra-
midial head, others hung on by theil
tails, while others threw hiphaps from
one end of the cage to the other.
A monkey who had Travelled much
and seen great deal, and who had
probably used the cats paw to pull
more chcsnuts ont of the fire than any
other monkey of his age, next address
ed his fellow monkeys.
Said he: "This Darwin has inflicted
disgrace upon lis that no monkey oi
self-respect will hesitate to resent. ]
fling his base insinuations back into
his teeth! A wild chatter of APP
plause.] If man was indeed descend
ed from us, what fall was there, my
countrymen Prolonged howls of de-
rision.] If had this base slanderer OF
our race--this Darwin, who dir qcii
fame by traducing us--I would r-r-rend
him in pieces with these pentadactey
with this prehensile tail !" lin
mense cheering.l y
The chairman interrupted the speak
CIR to remind him that no puns would
be allowed. Nobody but men perpe-
trated puns, and pun was altogether
beneath the dignity of any monkey
who had the least respect for himself
The speaker promised to be more
guarded in the future, and proceeded
with his remarks: II
"Look at the follies men perpctrate
every day. Did you ever Know mon
they do ? Did you ever know a mon
key to buy ticket to a menagerie
and go staring around and making re-
marks about better people than him.
self? Did monkey ever get drunk
or talk about his neighbors, or wear q
plug hat, (unless it WAS fastened on his
head by q dctestable ring mastery OIL
sue for divorce, or color his wliskers
or so into bankruptcy, or cheat the
printer, or get elected councilman, OF
run for Congress Nevern EScreams
and screeches of assent 4
"Man descended from the monkey
indeed! If we were descended from
man it would be sufficiently disgrace.
full. I get ashamed when l think there
is a possibility of connecting link
Look at them in their political conven-
tons. In our most idiotic moments did
we ever yell and howl as they do?
"Look at them in Congress. Awhole
menagerie on drunk couldn't behave
worse. And where did they get it
They didn't get it from us, that is 9
sure thing. The key to their cusscd
nonsense is not the monkey. Al
admonishing shake of the head from
the President. Mr.. Darwin must seeb
for his ancestry elsewhere and let mo
keys alone. He might, perhaps, trace
it to the beasts of the field or the birds
of the air, or, what is more likely, the
Ijackass y .E...-
Tremendous applause followed his
speech. After some further remarks
on the part of the distinguished mon.
keys, of like tenor, the meeting passed
a series of resolutions utterly repudia
ting the Darwinian theory, and adj
juurned.--[ Cincinnati Times.