Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-05-23
Lst7ech for Hes7'oO1'Ssts.

A school girls conundrum Is: What State
is round on~both ends and high in the middle
Ohio.
A clergyman offers up prayers for the Legis-
lature of his State, which, he says, Is disposed
to repeal even the Ten Commandments.
The season for sitting on circular saws has
begun. A man near Elmira sat on one the
other day, and they buried both Of him in the
same grave. 1919.
A shopkeeper having advertised his stock to
be sold under prime cost, neighbor observed
that it was impossible for him to do so, as he
had never paid anything for it himself
The Norwich Bulletin is the authority for
the prediction of severe winter. IF the fur
on the back of bundle bee, while flying due
east, points to the North.
1t was Coleridge who said of school-mas-
ter, who was fond of applying the birch, that
it was lucky for the cherubims who carried him
to heaven that they were all head and wings.
We know of beautiful girl who would prove
capital speculation for fortnne-hunter. Her
voice is of silver her hair of gold her teeth
of pearl her cheeks Of rubies, and her eyes of
diamonds.
A TANNER having married the daughter OF a
butcher, the bells we're rung in honor of the
OCCASION. It was asked what the bells were
ringing for. -"Only union between skin and
bone," was the answer.
A Washington editor is mad because COM
positor headed his editorial 1.-The Champagne
Opened" when he wrote Campaign Open
ed" He says that printer is always thinking
about something to drink.
A Milwaukee paper says that citizen there
had white hair after coming out OF a family
fight, being thoroughly frightened. The wife
couldn't have got fair hold Or there wouldn' t
have been any left to make the item Of
A SCENE.
TITS midnight, and the setting sun
Is rising in the wide. wide west;
The rapid rivers slowly run,
The frog is on his downy nest;
The pensive goat and sportive cow
Hilarious hops from bough to bough.
The Sioux City Journal has ballroom CO.
nundrum founded on the locals own sad expe-
rience: Isn't it rather disagreeable occur
renee when a young man s suspenders give way
while he dances schottische with young la
dy who never wants to sit down ?"
The question, Does getting drunk ever ad-
vance ones happiness? would seem to be put
to rest by the Irishman who went counting
when drunk, and was asked what pleasure he
found in whisky-"Ob, Biddy, it, trate in
tirey, to see two of your swate purity faces in
stead of one. -
"What is your chief consolation in life p
asked a clergyman in his Sabbath lesson of a
young girl in Bible class. The young lady
blushed and hesitated ''Will you not tell
me?' urged the clergyman. Il don't want to
tell his name" said the ingenious maiden,
shut have objection to telling you where
be lives"
There is a story told of the officers of a Brit
ish ship dining with a mandarin at Canton
One of the guests wished second helping of
a savory stew, which he thought was some sort
of duck Not knowing word of Chinese,
he held his plate to the host, saying. with smi-
ling approval, "Quack Quack Quack p
Imagine how his countenance fell when the
host pointing to the dish, responded, Bow,
WOW, WOW J.
A nicely dressed young gentleman entered a
barber-shop in somewhat retired portion of
the city few days ago, for the purpose of get
ting shaved The tonsorial artist spit on the
brush and proceeded to lather, when he was
stopped by the horror-stricken customer, who
inquired what he meant by splitting. on his
brush. why" said the barber, ''ain't you a
gentleman?'' eyes," replied the stranger
'Well said the barber, that's the way We treat
gentlemen; if rough comes in, we just mere
iy spit ON his face"