Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1871-12-29
wAning the Baby,

house. Aabvely babe has been rude>
y torn froV1ts mother, there hasn't
been any sleep In the neighbsrhood !
Tor q week, and all the cats. dogs and |
English sparows have fed In dis
may. Pleasant dreams and ecstacies |
of bliss havd fed. and everything is
70 blue that we can scrape indigo off
The back fence. This weaving busi> |
ness has disturbed the peace and
quietness Of quiet family wuss than
ten tons of bellyache. I'd rather
swallow bell knob, hitch the wire
to an engine house, and start tele.
graph alarm In my stomach, than at.
tend another season of weaving. -
Young 'uns don't like to be weaned /;
they don't like to be separated from
the bosom Of the family, not muchly.
II oil came about thusly: live with
Mrs. Spifiins; Mrs. Spifflns Is the
majestic mother Of a little Spifflns
its father is old Spifhns, called Splf.
for short, just a. little Spifflns is
called Spiffy for easy. There is
door between my room and the Spit.
finses. The keyhole leaks, hence all
the trouble. A female woman,
mother Of about q dozen children,
called on Splfiins, and told how II
was shameful to nuss that great big
boy--lt was drawing on her too
much, and care and anxiety put
white streaks on her head, like fat In
q hunk Of roast beef. She told her
how Ii she didn't wean him from the
maternal fount In less than six
months she could scrub clothes on
her forehead. Then she concluded
to wean the little cuss, and 1t was the
worst season Of pefplexity and adul.
terated distress ever experienced.
1t was equal to q good spell Of misery
and woe, without any swestenlng.--
A man comes out Of season Of
weaning locking wuss than rooster
drowned In swill barrel.
The first thing this pious family
did was to lay In barrel OF super
sulphate OF paregoric--they didn't
lay In 1t, but laid II In. They got six
dozen Of Winslow's syrup, ten
pounds Of morphine, twenty gum
drops and eight pounds of alum, to
shrink his throat 30 he couldn't yell !;
then they bought two cows that gave
cows milk, another cow THAT guws
condensed milk, and another COW
that gave cream for coffee; then they
bought a COW that didn't give any
milk, for company for the other
cows. I told them that IL they kept
80 many cows Spiffy would be cow
ard; but Mrs. Spiffins didn't appre>
ciate the joke. The dreadful night
came. Spiffy had his ratIons cut
off; he didn't like IL, and TIL swear,
before long I found out I didn't like
II either, and I soon wished his head
had been cut off too. The anvil
chorus wasn't nowhere; 1t was worse
than though my pillow had been
stuffed with live bull-frogs; OF all
the yells that ever brought sunshine
to the fireside this was the yell oh -est
from 1918 p. M. till z A. M. II was
one streak Of shrek, with here and
there knot In it, where he would
raise his voice little. laid awake
all night and murmured cusses. In
the next room things were kinder
mixed. Mrs. Spiffins and Spif got
TO growing. Mrs. Spiffins cried and
old Spif swore. Mrs. Spifiins asked
SpH IL these were the golden dreams.
Of her maidenhood. Spif said he
didn't care O continental d---d for
her golden dreams, and asked her IL
this was the peaceful manner in
which they were to glide down the
pathway Of life together. Then she
told him IL she had married Smith,
he wouldn't have treated her so.-
5pif told her he wished to thunder
'he had, and old Smith had that
young'un to wean. Then Mrs. Spif-
Inns began to weep, and told Spif
how much she had suffered for him,
md she said her heart was breaking.
Then I think by the sound, old Spif
rot up and took a hand In exercising
5pify, for heard q heavy foot pac-
ng the floor all night. When I
heard the glasses Jingle I knew that
little Spiffy was getting paregoric
'quirted down his throat but Spiffy
Kept up his yell. BY Julius Cesar, /
felt like examining live lobster
down his throat. Three nights this
hing was kept up. I didn't sleep
'ne wink. / lost ton pounds of
iesh; II ] could have got hold of
hat little cuss, I'd lost another pound
I'D pounded his hide 90 he wouldn't
nave no hide and seek In him when
no grew up. No more weaning
natinees for me. After the thing
was all did, they brought little Splf-
y down into the parlor. He laughed
md o-od. and I'll take my oath you
would think that he never cried In
mis- life. I'm blessed glad the job Ia
lone, and IL ever ! have the job done
IN my own account, you'll find this
youth leaving town for o week; for
I is an awful job to wean young'un,