Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-05-06

An eastern paper, in fit of revolu-
tionary enthusiasm, says "Hurrah
for the girls of '76 p Thunder" cried
a New Jersey paper, That's too darned
old No, no! Hurrah far the girls of
'17r'
On MISS ANNA Bread
While bellies their lovely graces spread,
And fops around them futter,
I'll be content with Anna Bread,
Aud won't have any but her.
A farmer, who recently had his but
ter seized on by the clerk Of the mar,
ket for short weight, gave as n reason
that the cow from which the butter was
made, was subjected to the cramps, and
that had caused the butter to shrink in
weight.
A quaint old gentleman, of an active,
stirring disposition, had man to work in
his garden who was quite the reverse.
JONES'" said he did you ever see
snail p '1Certainly." said Jones. Then
said the old boy '.you must have met
him, for you never could overtake him"
Slightly sarcastic was the clergyman
who paused and addressed u man COM
ing into the church after the sermon
had begun, with the remark: Glad to
see you sir come in always glad to
see those here who can't come early :"
aud decidedly self possessed was the
man thus addressed in the presence of
m astonjshed congregation, rs he re
sponded, Thank you; would you fa-
yor me with the text!'
A charming young widow of Perry
county. Ind, being unable, or unwilling
to decide which of two lovers to bless
with her hand, induced them to settle
the question by cards. "OId Sedge,"
best in g. Accordingly. the candi
dates met at the lady, residence one day
lately, and in the most amicable mans
ner played the momentous rubber" {" the
looser retiring with benedietion on
his successful rival and the prospective
bride.
A fuss in the family.-''Wal, I guess
there's Il row over 10 our house. "W hat
on airth's the matter, you little sarpint?"
'sWhy dads got drunk, mother wash
ing, the old COW has got calf. Sails got
married, aud run away with the spoons.
Sete has swallowed a pin, and Lous at.
the Aurora Borax till he's got delirius
triangles. That amt all, nuther
What else, upon airth 2" "Why Rose
split the batter pot aud broke all the
pancakes, and one o the Maltese kit
tens has got her head into the molasscs
cup. and cant get it out, and, oh,
how hungry / am."
A poor emqciated Irishman, having
called physician, in a forlon hope. the
latter spread large mustard plaster
and put it on the poor felIows's lean
chest. Pat, when he nth fearful eyes
looked down on it, said +: "Docther, it
strikes me it's dale of mustard for so
little mate" A gentleman playing
cards at Baden Baden was much an
uoyed by an inqnisitive stranger, who
stood beside him and pried into his
hand. At last he took pinch of snuff
and administered it to his tormentor,
Immediately saying: II beg your par
don, but you were so near me, sir, that
mistook your nose for my own"
A rough looking speciman of human
ity was crushing through Catham street,
n. Y, not long since, when he came
plumply upon a Jew, specimen of his
race, about whom there could be no
mistake. Without any warning, the
rough knocked him sprawlling into the
gutter. Picking himself up, and TAX
ing his "claret" faucet between his flu
ger and thumb, he demanded an ex-
PLANTATION. .
'sShut up, or III bust you again =
shouted the aggressor approaching him.
II never done nonding mit>you, and
what Tor you mash me in the nose =
asked Abraham.
..Yes yer hev; yer Jews crucified
Jesus Christ. I've mind to 60 for
you again
"But mine Cot. dat wash eighteen
hundred years ago!' said the jew.
"Wal, | don't care if it was--l only
heard it last night!' replied the un-
washcd again going for his victim who
wisely went trihe faster in the same
direction.