Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-08-29

The day to pick your wife is Choose-day.-
"Wednesday is the day to be married on.
The Kangaroo is indeed curious cuss. He
is generally most wide-avake when he's leap
ing.
An inland correspondent desires to know who
Bill Head is that he sees in SO many printers
advertisements.
When is the most dangerous time to visit in
the country? When the trees are shooting and
the bull-rushes out.
The Washington Star thinks that city which
cannot boast of modern Borgia evinces fear
full lack of enterprise.
They reckon time out West and give dates
by saying 1.-TWO weeks before the last circus"
or ''three weeks after the last circus"
The bloom of youth will fade away, the
brightness of the eye will grow dim with age,
but miserable little corn will never pass away.
A gentleman of color arrested at Phiadel-
phia had four chickens in his carpet-bag. He
said, DE man dat put EN- dar was no fren' OBJ
mine"
Farmer swell, my man, how much do you
want day 2" Irish Laborer. "Shillin' a day
and you ate me, or eighteen pence day and L
ate myself.
He was evidently not beyond the reach of
consolation, the Hoosier widower who replied
to sympathizing visitor at the funeral of his
wife, well, yes l shall miss her; she was
very expensive woman.
A country editors sole editorial in one issue
of his paper was to the effect that If anything
will make man feel juicy about the heart, it
is to talk velvet to pair OF sky-colored eyes,
by moonlight, in clover field.
An amusing game of baseball was played In
Rochester last week between picked mines OF
lean men, calling themselves Marrowiats.
Both clubs were weighed. the Marrowfats
weighing in the aggregate 2040 pounds, an
average of over 226 pounds each, while the
Stringbeans weighed only LOO, or an average
of less than 123 pounds each. The stakes were
half bushel of peanuts. The score stood "a
for the Marrowfats to &c for the Stringbeans,
the lean meu beating the fat ones by two.
A Syrian convert to christianity, as the story
goes, was urged by his employer to work on
Sunday, but he declined. But" said the
master, s'does not your Bible say that if man
has an OK or an ass that falls into pit on the
Sabbath day he may pull him out p Yes"
answered Haydn "but if the ass has habit
of falling into the same pit every Sabbath day,
then the man should fill up the pit or sell that
ass.'' The story has a sort of swivel moral
which Will NG great uduy OlSputSU poihsS III
these days.
In St. Louis the people have had some hot
weather; so hot, in fact, that they had to get
up on step-ladders to see the thermometer. =
The Dispatch says that by way Of keeping cool,
with the mercury at ITO degrees, people bliss
fully dream of gushing, low-murmuring foun-
tains on sandy deserts; think of mountainous
icebergs as cheerful neighbors; sigh for cottage
oruee within few minutes drive of the North
Pole, or gaze with envy on those chose duty it
is to drive an ice wagon and sit all day long on
the front seat, as it were in bower of perpet
ual delight.
A REMARKABLE BoY.-If there was any
thing Farmer Bogles really delighted in, it was
to secure the attention Of some one while be
spun yarn about the cuteness of his boy Tom
*Ah /" said Bogles, one day as he had fairly
fixed his auditor, tom is the most remarka-
BILE boy you ever set eyes upon; he's like his |
old dad-you can no more sarcumvent him than |
YOU can a woodchuck. You recollect that
choice apple-tree down under the hill, beside |
the stump fence? Well, l was mighty savin' of
them apples, can tell you. [ forbid Tom to
touch EN-, as they brought a high price in |
market, and every one told but he woul1u
'em in spite of me- 1t was his waE
and all possessed couldn't stani
caught the scapegracsn
bic cock with tho frx1