St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1871-09-29
Vii ana WiS6{OHi.

Improvement at The CITY hall.-IifbUHe.
What is that which he who has il not
does not wish for, but lie who has ii
would not part with for any money! A
bald head.
No people under heaven can excel the
Americans in the manly art Of sitting Oh
a bench and seeing eighteen men play
ball.
A "shocmaker" writes that he is not
only willing to give woman her rights,
but her "riglis and IeitS." This is his
last Joke
A full-bearded young grandfather re
Gently had his hirsute appendaee shaved
off, showing Il clean face for the first
time i'll number of years At the din
ner table his tllrec-ycars- grand
daughter noticed it, ''gazcd long with
wondering eye" and finally calculated
"Grandiather, whose head you got on p
A Domestic Revelation.-Niceb boy
Sim jolly glad you're going to stop with
us" Nisitor-"Are you, darling! Why
81 1NlCC NfttllSC W L Slllll INV L
nice dinners now. -JWig
a Cincinnati newspaper contains an
account Of tie production Of Il new play,
and says the audience "sat spell bound.
There were only four persons present.
One was deaf, and the other three
asleep"
a man III Galveston, the other day,
who complained Of being over-heatcd,
effected i permanent cure by drinking
six glasses OF icc-watcr, without the aid
Of Il physician. lie was cool when the
coroner came.
as your brother in law really such =
lazy man - asked enc gentleman Of an
other. ''Lazy," was the reply, "why,
he's SO lazy that he has an artist en-
ployed by the month to draw his breath
with i crayon.'
ARENAS Ward had jus; lost his faith
cr, and one day, at the store in his M
tive village, lie met Il veteran drunkard,
some 80 years of age, who had been con-
stantly "corncd" ON new rum for about
40 years. "Wall, Charlie" said the
veteran, $50 you've lost your father -
Charles asscnted. "Wall," continued
the veteran, ave neither father nor
mother" "And the old cuss"-Arte-
mas used TO say-''lcancd up against II
barrel Of No. , mackcral AID wcpt be
cause he was an orphan -
a woman was walking, and Il man
looked at her and followed her. The
woman said ''Why do you follow me -
He answered: .'becausc | have fallen
in love with YOU The woman said
''Why are you in love with me My
sister is much llandsomcr. She is COM
ing after me E; 90 and make love to her"
The man turned back and saw Il woman
with an ugly face. Being greatly dis
pleased, he went again to the other wo-
man, and said; "Why did you tell ME Il
story ," The woman answered s'Neith-
er did you speak the truth for if you
are in love with me, why did you 90 af-
ter another woman ~
a lecturer undertook to explain 10
village audience the word phenomenon.
Maybe you don't know what phc-
nomcnon i. Well, lit tell you. You
have seen II COW. no doubt. Well. a
cow is not IL phenomenon. You have
seen IN apple tree, Well, AN apple tree
is not Il phenomenon. But when you
see the COW 90 up to Il tree tail foremost,
to pick the apples, it is 4 phenomenon"
An old weather beaten lrappcr was
saan:ering along the main street of one
of onr western village, on Il recent sun
day. Passing in front of meeting
house, for Il moment he went in and took
his seat among the congregation. The
preacher was dlScouroing on the text Of
"Ihe sheep and the wolves" and had
evidently been drawing contrast be-
tween the two subjects Says lac : 1--WE
who assemble mere from week to week,
to do our duty, and perform our part
are the sheep; now, who, then are the
wolves ;" n pause, and our friend, the
trapper, rose TO his feet. ''Waal, strau-
ger, rather than to see the play stopped,
I'll be the wolves"
This is the latest extract from Horace
Greeley's book, "What know about
farming" Catch your butterflies late in
August Select the deep yellow ones if
you would get good, sweet, salcab!c but
ter.
New Jersey boat-buildcrs merely lay
the planks on TO the timbers, and get in
side. The mosquitoes run their sharp
bills through, and the men inside rivet
them.
A Savannah man was recently cured
of rheumatism by being compelled to
actively get out OF the way Of mad
bull. lie has now aLjured pain paint
and ready relief and will keep an animal
of this sort on hand hereafter to guard
against a relapse.
GENERAL BoYNToN's DARKY-Whcn
General Boynton was in the South, Il
swarthy, good-naturcd darky became
quite attached 10 that jolly son of Mars
and qulll-driver. The General, in course
of time, sent him to his father in Ohio.
The old gent asked Sam if he knew any
thing about horses and carriages "Spec
does, massa was mass:,'s ole coach
man, dis chile was :" lie was told to
20 to the barn and "greasc up" the bug
gy, meaning, Of course, the wheels.
After while Sam was told to put the
horse into the buggy, which he did.
The old gent then got in, but thought
the dasher was rather sticky as he laid
his hand on it TO assist himself in getting
in. But what was his horror TO find
that Sam had literally ''greased up the
buggy" for he had applied the wheel
crease TO every part Of 1.-THE seat, top,