The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1871-07-18
From the Galaxy for Augusta, IN
ABOUT BARRIERS.
BY MARX TWAIN.

All tnluSS Cudu&c SACcPl ooASSiSt
the ways of BARRIERS, and the surround
ings of BARRIERS. These never change.
What one experiences in barber shop
the first time he enters one, is what he
always experiences in barber shops afs
forwards, till the end of his days. !
got shaved this morning as usual. A
man approached the door from Jones
street. as approached it from Main
thing that always happens. hur-
ried up, but it was Of no use he en-
tered the door one little step ahead of
me, and l followed in 90 his heels and
saw him take the only vacant chair,
the one presided over by the best bar
Der. 1t always happens so. / sat
down, hoping that might fall heir to
the chair belonging to the better OF the
remaining two BARRIERS, for he had al
ready begun combipg his mans hair,
while his comrade was not yet quite
done rubbing up and oiling his custom
er's locks. I watched the probabilities
with strong interest. When | saw that
No. 2 was gaining on No. ], my
interest grew to solicitude. When No.
stopped moment to make change on
abath ticket for a newcomer, and lost
ground in the race, my solicitude rose
to anxiety. When No. l caught up
again and both he and his comrade
were pulling the towels away and brush.
ing the powder from their customers
cheeks and it was about an even thing
which One would say Next first, my
very breath stood still with the suspense.
But when at the final eliminating mo-
ment, No. l stopped to pass a comb
couple Of times through his custom
er's eyebrows, l saw that he had lost
the race by single instant, and [ rose
indignant and Quilted the shop, to keep
from falling into the hands OF No. 2;
for | have none Of that enviable firm
ness that enables man to look calmly
in the eyes of a waiting barber aud tell
him he will wait his fellow-barber 8
chair. stayed out fifteen minutes and
then went back hoping for better luck.
OF course all the chairs were occupied
now, and four men sat there waiting
silent. unsociable, distraught and
looking bored, as men always do who
are awaiting their turn in a bar
ber's shop. ! sat down in one of the
iron-armed compartments Of an old
sofa, and put in the time for a while,
reading the framed advertisements OF all
sorts Of quack nostrums for dyeing and
coloring the hair. Then l read the
greasy names of the private bay rum
bottles; read the names and noted the
numbers on the private shaving cups in
the piegon-boles; studied the stained
and damaged cheap prints on the walls,
of battles, early Presidents, and volup-
tuous, recumbent sultanas, and the
tiresome and everlasting young girl
putting her grandfathers spectacles on;
execrated in my heart the cheerful ca
nary and the distracting parrot that few
barber shops are without. Finally, /
searched out the least dilapidated OF
the last years illustrated papers that
Uttered the foul centre-table, and conned
their unjustifiable misrepresentation OF
old forgotten events. At last my turn
came. A voice said Next" and | sur
rendered to-No. 2 of course. 1t al.
ways happens so. l said meekly that
was in hurry, and it affected him as
strongly as ifhe had never heard it. He
showed up my head and put napkin
under it. He ploughed his fingers into
my collar and fixed towel there. lie
explored my hair with his claws and
suggested that it needed trimming.
said | did not want it trimmed. lie
explored again and said it was pretty
long for the present style-better have
little off; it needed it behind espe'
cially. | said l had had it cut only a
week before. He yearned over it re-
fectively for a moment, and then ask
ed with a disparaging manner, who cut
it, came back at him promptly with
"You did p / had him there. Then
he fell to stirring up his lather and re-
garding himself in the glass, stopping
now and then to get close and examine
his chin critically or torture plmple.
Then he lathered one side OF my face
thoroughly, and was about to lather the
other, when a dog fight attracted his
atteAtion, and he ran to the window and
STAYED and saw it out, losing two shll-
lings on the result in bets with
the other BARRIERS, a thing which gave
me great satisfaction. Lie fin
ishcd lathering, meantime getting
the brush into my mouth only
twice, and then began to rub in the
suds with his hand; and as he now
had his head turned, discussing the dog
fight with the other BARRIERS, he nat
urally stovelled considerable lather into
nv mouth without knowing it, but l
did. He now began to sharpen his ra'
zor on an old suspender, and was delay
ed a good deal on account OF a contro-
versy about a cheap masquerade ball he
had figured at the night before, In red
cambria and bogus ermine, as some
kind OF king. He was 80 gratltiedi
with being chaffed about some damsel
whom he had smitten with his charms,
that he used every means to continue
the controversy by pretending to be an
moved at the chaffings Of this fellow.
This matter begot more surveyings OF
himself in the glass, and he put down
his razor and brushed his hair with
elaborate care, plastering an inverted
arch of it down on his forehead, accom-:
plishing an accurate part behind, and
brushing the two wings forward over
his ears with nice exactness. In the
meantime the lather was drying on my
face, and apparently eating into my