Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-08-24
Hum orous Headings.
A moving tale-Fido's.

A big thing on ice-the price.
The rest of the week-Sunday.
The nick of time-Old Nick.
One key to Irish grieva nces-whisky.
The hangman's egetable-Art oehOke.
The cry of the dsy-Let Us have
peaches.
A woman's bow " ideal-the marriage
tie.
What grows bigger the more you con
tract it ?-Debt.
Best kind of hat for a countryman
visiting the city wi5e-a-wake.
The Last Hoffman MISUNDERSTANDING
him in effigy on an orange tree.
Young ladies suffering from pane in
) the side can relieve it by wearing sash.
l-[Judy.
It's your tall fellows who are the luck
lest in love The ladies are all in favor
of Hy-men.-[Judy.
Why was Louis Napoleon's army like
his mustache because it was waxed at
both ends.
/, A boys paper in Boston advises the hu-
name society to arrest all persons III the
city who bottle cats-up.
A schoolboy's inspiration-"Oh how
wish I were fountain, for then l could
always be playing"
Il wonder what makes my eyes 80
weak ~ said a fop TO 4 gentleman. "They
are in a weak place." replied the latter.
At recent Sabbath school concert q
-. hox fN Eggp
forgetting the words of the text, hesitated
moment, then with all the assurance
possible said, "Blessed are the shoemak-
ers."
Make way here" said a member of a
] republican deputation, "we are the re-
: presentatives of the people" "MaBe way
? yourself" shouted a sturdy fellow from
the throng, eve are the people them
=, selves"
A boy in a country school was reading
E the following sentence THE lighthouse
= is a landmark by day and beacon by
q night" and rendered it thus: The light
e house is a landlord by day and deacon
. by night.
1 "Well, Judge" said friend to the presi-
=. dent of Paris court, under the empire,
:, did YOU condemn many TO death at your
session to-day 2" Three-and l don't
hesitate to say that two of them deserved
it,
4 wise old gentleman, who kuew al
about it, on retiring from business gave
es the following sage advice TO his son and
Is successor Common sense, my son, is
It valuable in all kinds of business-except
J. love-making."
rs Can any body tell us how old Olive
4 N..Es- -a..lgr
~ she is as well as usual, thank you--LChi-
=. cago Post.
Ii small girls are waits, are large ones
=, waferR {? Certainly" says sweet sixteen :;
ID sat least the boys have the habit of apply
Iy ing them to their lips in sealing their
of vows
IN The True Woman, published at Balti-
IT. more, is cheerful sheet. It's original
,s poem in the last number is headed, "Lines
=, to a Not Beautiful but Very Good Woman
g in Her Cofiu."
= Two mothers were Boosting of the
&c achievements of their respective "only'
ne children. Said one: "My son blew out
rs the candle when he was seven months
aD old "Ah ~ replied the other, "the boy
who blows out the candle at seven months
old, will never set the world on fire."
ID A French auditor of accoants in the
rt 18th century was great practical joker
rs all his life, and even played trick after
Is he had lest the power of enjoying it, for
be he left four candles to be carried at his
ul funeral, which had not been burning fif-
Id teen minutes before they went off ss fire.
st works.
ed An old gentleman of eighty married a
III yoang wife, and in due course Of time
D YVES presented with a son. On the day ef
lF Christening, the nurse handed the young
IL master about, with the usual exclamation
y that he was the very image of his papa
ne Very like. indeed said lady, 'he has no
=. :. teeth
IT. A young lady was entertaining some
ed friends the other evening, when one said,
Id Miss --, your braid is coming off
in She clappsd her hands 10 her head and
,r- found nothing unslipped. The gentleman
he quietly pointed TO the traid of her Gresr,
- about half d yard Of which bad been torn
on off snd was lying on the floor. There va:
an audible smile.
A young man in Pittsfeld, aged thrse
Y. years aud six months, whose youthful
,s- mind has been lately absorbed in some
- new occupants of his fathers piggery, ss
vi tonished the congregation at one.of the
ed village churches, last Sunday, by rushing
m barefooted and ragged, through the open
en- door and shouting in tones loud enough
to be heard by the minister at the other
lie end of the church, Where's my papa 2
ire When asked what he wanted. be replied
ese excitedly, The pigs are outi'
ed A white haired negro preacher in New
err Orleans thus addressed one of the meet
in ings OF the dissatisfied darkeyr, la.t week
- What are you grumbling about! Yc
O' all better off dan ye ever 'spected TO be-
IN dan yer deserve to be. Did yer tink
IN when Mssss Linkum guv ye yer freedom
he wes Rwine to buy tickets in th
Lsuisiana state lottery for you beside 7
'lF' Speaking Of thunder, James Rassel
tn Lowell has a good story on that head
err He tells of high and mighty English
et. man walking up and down the piazzs of
hotel in a western village, with that seer
lay tain condeseension" in biz manner wbicl
ers foreign snobs think il the thing, whel
ed. travelling in the United States. '.Tha
ks. was a heavy clap of thnnder you ha'
-. here last night" says the Briton 10
{, prairie chap that crossed his path. "Wel
'ne yes," said the native, who tsok in tn
md others style at glance, 1--WE did think j
be did pretty well considering the numbe
of inhabitants.