Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1871-10-07
HOW / LOST $4,000.
A STORY OF sLOCUM-SUPER-MARE.
PART 1.
HOW THE f4O, 900 CANE TO NE.


my servant, coming into my bedroom in No,
st. James, street, the sd of Nav, IS
When say my servant mean the general valet
to all who live in the chambers. The regulation
allowance to every lodger was a ninth Of a man
and a thirdsof page. The ninth of a man called
US in the morning, brushed our clothes, and
page acted as our Ganymede, bringing us the
matutinal soda and brandy, the welcome s Post ~
and the early breakfast.
"What kind OF day is it?" asked from the
depths of my bed-clOthes.
"Rather dull just now, sir; but think it will
elearup."
" Risk the patent feathers" said T. drowsiIv.
"Open the window in the sitting room, and call
me again in half an hour"
ayes, sir ;" replied s'my" man. gathering to,
gether my clothes, and arranging my tub.
By-the-by, any letters"
"TwO. sir"
An right. i will open them ut breakfast"
Very good sir" and ''my" servant left the
room.
may mention at once that my name is Charles
Smirks Gerald. i generally sign myself Charles
y Gerald or G. :. Gerald. object neither TO
the Charles nor the Gerald, but l admit the
Smirks is rather trial to me. At school was
cbaffed out of my life about nv name; at Oxford
my name could never be alluded to at the Union
without producing shouts of laughter; at nv
ONCE Her Majesty's de artment for the regis
tTatOn OF buttOns) my name Is the standing joke
OF the place. It's very annoying, but it can't be
helped My poor good father, when he selected
the unpleasant title. acted on behalf of nv best
interests. a very distant connection OF ours,
who was at once childless and wealthy, was
cursed with the surname OF Smirks. Poor fel-
low, have often pitied him. Fancy what an
ugly signatuTei His case was worse than mine
1 can hide the Smirks under an obliging as"
but he, POOR man, was forced to use the name i'm
full / was called after him. / remember him
IN my early hildhOOd as fussy, peppery little
man. He used to dine with Us every Sunday.
simply, believe. to abuse our food and to bully
our servants ON one occasion he was so violent
that my poor dear mother was moved to tears
MY father resented his interference, and quar-
rel was the result. Mr.. Smirks called the whole
family ga pack OF ungrateful snobs," and to his
intense surprise was ordered out OF the house.
Il remember well that my father was kinder than
usual TO me on the evening of the row. Poor
man, he was thinking over my loss. He knew
perfectly well that Mr.. Smrks. after the alterca-
ton, would diSinherit me in favor of the ASYLUM
OF Idiots or some such excellent charity. As a
matter OF fact, believe am right in stating
that my poor dear mothers tears were computed
at the time to have cost me in round figures
about 10000. So much for my name.
As TO my history il can be summed up In a
very few words. Ii was a mistake at Eton, "a
failure at oxford, and a fiasco at the bar. |
have only done two things in my life that have
been attended by the slightest ~estige of success.
i have fallen in love and obtained clerkship i'm
Her Majesty's Office for the Registration OF
Buttons Ny falling in love was the usual sort
any extent. Ny idol was a remarkably nice
giri Theoretically, an adorer of the Glove in a
cottage" kind fife; practically, an exceedingly
,GSarioat young i tsasr we met at country
Lady Il the walking gentleman" We made love
remarkably badly even for amateursj ON the
stage, but got ON capitally when we attempted
the ing without an audience. As she was rich
and was poor, considered the match an ex-
fellent one in every respect-so did she, dear
girl We had mapped out our life for the next
forty Years. We were to live in rural simplicity
in charming little villa Smothered in roses and
stephaHOtis, with town house in Eaton square.
a shooting box in the Highlands, a Yacht at
Cowes, and box at the Opera We were TO
"A A sheen Wi -hpr,
herds, white coolies and shepherdesses complete
a Ia Waftedal, and two three broughams /
was to 90 in for farming, and horse-racing. Ny
wife was 10 take up Sunday-schOol, and to re-
ceive on Thursdays. and Mondays. When |
had time, wa to 20 into the house and beCom
Prime Minister. when my wife had leisure, she
was to take a tour round the world with view
to converting the whole race of mani lad to
civilization and Christianity. In fact were
to be quiet, happy cosy couple Now the rea-
hZatiOn of this charming programme depended
upon my dear girls fsther-an immensely
wealthy city man. Alice was confident of sue
cess - You see. Charley, papa il 10 reasonable.
do he Is sure-guite sure-to give his consent to
our marriage" Upon her Recommendation |
wrote 10 "papa" and was waiting for his answer
when nv man asked me about my boots.
OF my other successful venture-the clerkship
in Her Majesty's effice for the registration of
Buttons-I need say little. crammed for my
examination in the usual way and AZ the usual
prices learnt great deal about all sorts of
things and retained my knowledge for exactly
two days-the time occupied by my examination
before the Civil Service Commissioners. /
passed with great ecldt-I was twenty ninth out
of thirty. i found my Office a very delightful
lounge read the paper from eleven TO two
and passed the afternoon in calling upon my
friends. For this pleasant but rather monotOn-
Gus labor was paid two hundred pounds per
annum-minus Income Tax. An able staff of
messengers kept OF my duns, and two sentinels
dier Guards watched over me at the doors of my
bureau As have alreadyihin lived in No.
st James street, and was perfectly satisfied
Joy reached its climax when the last Reform
Bill passed. giving the suffrage to the compound
dodgers. From that moment felt that was
Engiishman with stake in my country. i
didn't vote very much but / thought great
Punch"
Having disposed of my toilette, clothed my
self In my dressing gown and lounged into my
sitting-room- My frugal breakfast (coffee,
grilled chicken, sardines, pate de fois gras, and
eg,,sl awaited me. looked At the envelopes Of
my two letters. The first was In a lawyers
hand, the second In the well known 'fst' of my
beloved ones father. The legal-looking letter
put aside at once. AS rule the oommunica-
ions OF lawyers are stupid and disaareeable =
they usually have reference TO boots and clothes
The other had greater interest for me. Still, as
surprise Is the enemy 70 apSsfse' d allowed the
meal q Breakfast first, said as helped my
cell TO chicken, "and JOY or despair las the case
may be- ervards-aPrss k patio Dc tott gras-te
coffee when my man entered and informed me
that 20 Mr.. Page wanted TO see me-" As Harry
Page was great friend Of mine L ordered his
immediate admission.
.. How are you, my dear boy," said my visitor
entering. wen, i don't mind q brandy and
soda With this he sat down and confronted
me.
Harry Page was known among his friends as
genius, among his enemies as q sharper He
had promoted a score OF companies with more or
less GENERALLY less) success He was a thor
oughly good-hearted fellow, but q man with
what / may call q 'ballooning' intellect In
matters concerning himself he was particularly