The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1871-01-16
oppositionsEof Science. Falsely ~
Called. sa.
BY GAIL HAMILTON

~
asked ono representative of his n n,
,Shen Cnnorcss was discussing bill ior Inc
extension of the currency. g. ,,,oss
"i don't KNOW" was the reply, 49,, 49, unless
hccause the earth is ninety.hVc miltlons OF
miles from the sun-dollar mile.
And that Is az valuable AS great ueai Oh
our scientific lore. so long as we taiR
about the stars and INC gases, centIai nre
and supreme ether, we spin famously, for /!
nobody can contradict, but the moment we
descend into the region of human life and
observation, science begins to wabble.
You may tell me as authoritatively as you
please that the smallest spot on the sun Is |
fifty billions of miles In diameter, or that |
Neptune consists chiefly of hydrocianic |
acid, and l can only make great eyes at
you, and get my living by days
work all the same, while you 60 up
and down in the newspapers for q !
all the learned societies, and wag S tail to
your name twenty letters long. But when
It comes to practicable availability, 1t Is
your turn to make great eyes. want 10
build cot beside hill where bee-hive's
hum shall soothe my ear, andsI call in vain
upon the learned, far and near, to answer
me the simple question, How many clsterns
of water can there be in round pot as big
as a brick chimney torn down. Response
is none, for the question is practical one.
You can measure the sun, hit or miss. a
few millions of miles, more or less, VIII
never be detected but if my water-Works
run dry, ruin and disgrace impend. You
| do welI,not to commit yourself. -,
So, as the farmer said to his boys, l Will
even try it myself. We boast of our educa-
tional facilities in America, nor need we
| fear the bigot's rule while near the church
| spire stands the school, and all that. am
an American citizen, and surely ought 10
be able to cipher out cistern Win Inc
bricks before me. | wanted it elght leeI
long, eight feet wide, and SIX feet deep;
But then came drought, and l deepen eu
it two feet. Then, as the drought gre"
droughtier and droughtier, EXTENDED my
cjstern-in nv minds eye, Horatio-tWo
feet in all directions, and then the man
came and said he made them round, after
the similitude of pot. Very well. In
our enlightened age and free country, we
ought not to find it impossible 10
put a round man in square place,
and the problem was to make rounu
cstern big enough to hold ten iect
long, ten feet wide, and ten feet aeep.
| Come up, now, common schools, lTee ihsCl-
tutions, manhood suffrage, ana ten me
how big it must be. ] take down Green,
leafs arithmetic. Seventeen hundred ana
ltwenty.eight inches make one foot. Plaln
sailing. Is there anything anywhere that
tells how many gallons to foot? Yes; ale
Gallon. two hundred and eighty-tWo; VINE
Gallon. two hundred and thirty-one. But
my ciStern is not to hold ale, and am no
duke of Clarence to drown myself IN Manu-
sew wine. What ! want to know IS no"
many gallons Of water can l get INTO my
round cistern ten teet square, anu 1!een-
leaf does not know, and, as for making q
| Globe out of cube, Greenleaf stares at 1t
precisely as "Sam weller" stared at his
father in the urt-room-that is, he looks
the other way. You would think he never
heard of cube or globe.
| Now, the ages of hapless infancy that l
have lavished on arithmetic might well
draw tears such as angels weep, and the
very first time in my life that arithmetic
ever had az opportunity to be OF any use TO
| me it all dropped apart. 1t Is an ingenious
enough science to torment innocent and
HELPLESS children with, but it cannot build
| q cistern. / must toss my mathematics
aside, lay off my garland and singing robes,
90 down meekly to my waiting Workmen,
and. instead of the scientific formula with
which l had intended to awe them, say, /!
like any dullard, "keep digging till you
have made hole big enough to put all the
bricks in out of the chimney, Whch Is.
hundred and fifty years old, and large IN
proportion"
| And have a beautiful cistern, no thanks
to science, but there is nobody, IN the
heavens above, or the earth beneath, or the |
| waters under the earth-not even the men
| that made it-who can tell how large 1t is
over. With Universities, ana SlnltnsoI
mans, aud Polytechnic Institutes III luA
| blast, the only way to measure on your CTS
tern is TO build Il chimney, ana then KNOCK
it down and count the Drlch9. lAlo We
/ - Gn;a
But Paul and add under one BREATH
| FALSELY so called"
! | should like to know, too, Ii there Is
any person within the memory OF mtH sun
living who has not supped full of the hCr-
rors resulting from using lead pipes. 1t we
IRE to believe the books, EYES apple was
| an innocent and harmless thing compared
with bit OF lead pipe. Disease dwelt IN
| the outer darkness till she was conducted |
into the world through lead pipe. Science |
cannot build me cistern, but she can /
poison all the pleasure to be derived from
it. Long ago we heard and received into |
devout and believing hearts all the soaring
stories, and rcjoiced in our old-tashioned
but wooden pump, and aScrlbed our Vlgor |
and health to pure, fresh water, till, one |
| dav, the pump was taken up to be mended, /
and 10, like Millions sin, it was no wooden
pump at all, but only seemed wooden to
| the floor and fair, but ended foul, i'll lead |
pipe! i
So then, after ascertaining that in spite of
years of poisoning we still lived, the old |
pump was thrown aside, and new one |
bought, with galvanized iron pipe, devised,
commended, and recommended by wise
men of the East as safe and salubrlous. NO |
rust could corrode it nor poison dlstlll from
it, and we drank that our souls might live. |
Now comes up science again with somer-
sault and warns us if there is any one thing /
more deleterious and deadly than another,
it is galvanized iron for whereas ordinarily |
the poison is an incident to the pipe, this
pipe sets to work with double forces to |
make poison. Go to. We be all dead men.
"But oh ~ mouths science, with no &C.
cession of modesty, eve have discovered |
something altogether wonderful Lead is 1
fatal and galvanized iron deadly, but if you
will fill lead pipes with the warm concen-
trated solution of sulphide Of sodium till it /
forms an insoluble sulphide of lead, they |
| will be perfectly harmless"
They will, will they! For how long ! |
| BY day after tomorrow you would set us !
ali digging out the insoluble sulphide of
lead us the arch-poison Of the whole solar |
and human system. Away with your
pipes and your poisons, and let US 90
| back to the old oaken bucket that has |
no nonsense about it. | suppose l
can swallow rope if l like and nobody
hurt. Or will you tell me presently that |
the combination of the temperate of oakum |
| with the hydrogen of water forms u hyper |
hempe-hydrate utterly destructive to the |
cerebral tissues, the cordic ganglia, and the
| body polite generally:
| When science knows her own mind it !