The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-03-07
II U M 0 oRoUs IT E M

innS, p"iu d peuurlouS IellOW 10 pnySl-
clan who dealt him out an emetic, ''can't
you give more"
Jake asked Jemima for to wed,
Jemima, Jake she Tilted.
So then to Sal wilt thou he said
Sal dropped her head and wilted.
DS5" Isn't there an awful strong smell
of pigs in the air asked Smith of Jones.
" Yes" replied JONES'" that's because the
wind is from the souwest"
D5" West Virginia roads arc so bad
that the poets there sing:
"This road is not passable,
Not even jackassable."
Ie5~ A gentleman walking with two
ladies stepped on a hogshead hoop that
flew up and struck him in the face
" Good gracious :" said he, which one of
you dropped that?"
Bslyn A physician said of quack that
he was such an ignoramus that if he
could take lantern and 90 down inside
his patient, he couldn't find out what the
matter was"
BGy" a Galesburg farmer, whose pew
rent was raised to $25, exclaimed: 4" Oh,
great Ceaser, here's nice state of affairs
the gospel going up and pork going
down What's to become Of us p"
Ds5~ At Troy the liquor dealers are on
ly allowed to sell benzino to the Gravel
ing public" and now when resident
wants drink he has to shoulder his car
pet bag Before breakfast in the morn
ing the streets of Troy look like some
Southern city previous to election.
DGg" A Boston man has brought suit
against his wife for divorce on the ground
Of extravaganza, claiming that she went
to a charity bazar and squandered five
cents on a pair Of scales, to find out how
much she weighed He claimed that it
didn't make particle Of difference how
much she weighed
Deyn A quaint old gentleman, of an ac-
tive, stirring disposition, had man at
work in his garden who was quite the re-
verse. "Jones," said he, "did you ever
see a snail?" Certaninly," said Jones.
"Thcn," said the old boy, "you must
have met him, for you never could over
take him."
Bsg~ A young man from the country
went to Louisville to see the sights and
all of sudden he came right on bear
in front of a fur store He Jumped back,
struck an attitude pulled his revolver and
fired seven shots into the varmirt before
he found out what it was. He said the
city bears hadn't much fight in them
BGga A traveller was lately boasting of
the luxury of arriving at night, after
hard days journey, to partake of the
enjoyment of well-cut ham and the left
leg of goose. Pray, sir, what is the
peculiar luxury of al left leg?" Sir, to
conceive its luxury, you must find that
it is the only leg left"
B6~ An old bachelor editor, thus, in
spite, comments on a recent moonlight
night: "We left our sanctum at mid
night last night, and on our way home
we saw young lady and gentleman hold
ing gate on its hinges. They were evil
IDENTIFY indignant at being kept out so
late, as we saw them bite each other sew
eral times"
BsS" 1t must have been Mrs. Parting
toms sisters, who reading the Delaware
Legislature proceedings, exclaimed =
Did you ever Here it says Mr. Howe
offered resolution inviting the ladies of
Dover to seats on the floor of the House.
But s'pose one can't suspect anything
else from body that is igneramusly dem
ocratic p
BSg" Two clergymen were recently
crossing lake together in the West
-ighands, in company with number
Of persons, when a storm came on with
terrible force. One of the passengers
was heard to say: "The two ministers
should begin to pray, or we'll be drown
ed" 8" Ma, ma" said the boatman, {" the
little one can pray, if he like, but the big
one maun tax an oar"
Ba~ A Pittsburg paper is responsible
for this painfully labored joke: "Gov-
ernor McCook, of Colorado, has hit upon
happy method whereby to COW the In
dians of the plains. 1t is simply to sup
ply them with COWS. The COWS in time
will become herds, the Indians will be-
come cow herds, and so subside into du-
tiful disciples Of the Quaker faith"
nay Il lived to be over eighty