Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-10-24
La17aCh for HaG272O7'istS.

IhOugh Its days ana dreams are DEAD
launch for HaG21aO7'5stS.
A Providence man is informed by suffering
neighbor that his snore would answer excellent
ly as fog horn.
The frisky flea, the gramniverous grasshop-
s LEAVING Tor hef Winter Rauhf ny
1.-THE two Declaratious-the Declaration of
Independence whereby we gained our liberty
and the Declaration of Love, whereby We lost
it"
Josh Billings says Newfoundland dog is
good thing to have, only one must get one or
two children and pond before he will be OF
any use.
A Western lover is said to express his devo-
ton to his sweetheart by assuring her that he
ate the postage stamp on her last letter, ''be-
cause she had licked it.
The Norwich Advertiser selects the following
from What know about farming" Catch
your butterflies late in August. Select dee,
yellow ones if you would get sweet saeable b. II.
ter"
Before hanging man in Louisiana, hev LEI
from fifteen to forty reporters for the newsna
pers interview" him for three eeks The
poor fellow is then not only willip' but anxious
to be hung
A New Orleans youth wb>, had been sscele-
brating," was discovered b., his mother. sitting
on wood-box and tryin,t to mt on his hat with
shoe horn. Said be-, while endeavoring to
stand erect; L p'ot drunk, mother. but a
sicker child you Diver had
They tell OF man out in Dubuque Iowa,
wno' during, somnolent fit of his semi-self,
severed from her crauial surface its hlrsute ap-
pareng, and with the proceeds of the sale
-.
urated himself into state of clamorous joty
A Professor, who felt little rheumatic, Law
down on a lounge, and requested his friend TO
RUG nlm after the movement care style. w
then bear him on the chest How hollow it
sounds :: said DIR. Knot, who was looking or
That's nothing" said w, wait till get to
his head J.
1t is related of member OF the Boston bar
that, once meeting 10 the dog days the estima-
BILE son II father Of rather equIvocal repul a
ton, 10 an absent-mlnded moment he am.,zed
him by ioquirlng how the old gentleman stood
the heat Inc old gentleman had been dead
two months
A rural gent of eighteen summp rs invested
IN banana on the cars recently. He carefully
removed the peel and put it CD the scar bv his
side; then he broke the fruiS no in small bits.
cycling 1t anxlously as be &. nd so. When this
was done he picked up ID e peel. shook It 10 hi,
lap, and finally threw u ,e pieces out of the WIN
90" remarking as ne did so, that the fust of
them prize package 3 ever bought, an its the
last, you bet.
Butter 4rs at Worcester. over the mem
DRY OF MS .ather reminds the Boston Herald Of
one OF F.rtemus Ward stories. Artemus had
JUST " st his father, and one day, at the store In
MS native village, he met veteran old drunk
P-rd some 80 years old, who had been constaot
ly corned on new rum for about forty years.
"Wall, Charles. said the veteran, $50 you We
lost your father?' Charles assented. wall,
I've neither father nor mother, continued the
veteran. And the old cuss," Artemus used
to say, LEANED up against barrel of No. 2
mackerel, and wept because he was an orphan.
WENT FOR HIM.-A rough-looking speci
men of humanity was recently promenading up
Chatham street, New York, when he came on
JeW-a specimen of his lace about whom
there is no mistake.
Without one word of warning, the rough
knocked him sprawliug into the gutter Pick
ing himself up, and taking his bleeding nose
between his finger and thumb, he demanded
al explanation.
''Shut up; I'll bust yer agin II shouted the
aggressor, approaching him again.
Il have never done nOtl0gs nit you, and
what for You mash me In the nose?" asked
Abraham.
Yes yer have; yer Jews cruci6ed Jesus
Christ, and | have mind to go for you agin.
but mine Colt, dat wash eighteen hundred
years ago. said the Jew.
well don't care if it was; | only heard
of 1t last night, replied the unwashed.
AN ALABAMA PRACrICAL JoKE.-For TWEEN
ty-three years, old Jake Willard has cultivated
the soil Of Baldwin county, Ala, and drawn |
therefrom support for self aud wife He is |
chidless Not long ago Jake left the house |
10 search OF missing COW. His route led him |
through an old. wOra out patch of clay land of |
shout SIX acres IN extent, in the centre of which
was well twenty five or thirty feet deep, and |
at some time, probably, had furnished the in
mates of dilapidated house near by. with |
water. In passing by this spot, an i'll wind
lifted Jake's hat from his head, and malicious
ly waited it to the edge Of the we'll, and in it
tumbed
Now, Jake had always practiced the virtue
or economy and he Immediately set about re-
covering the lost hat. He ran to the we'll, I'M
coed the rope which he had brought for the
purpose OF capturing the truant COW, and after
several attempts to catch the hat with nYose
he concluded 10 save time by g7ng DOVE into
the we'll himself To accomplish this he made
last one end OF the rope to a stump hard by
and was quickly on his way down the we'll
1t is fact. of which Jake was 40 less ohiv
lous than the reader hereof that Ned Well.
was in the diapidated building aforesaid. and
that an old, blind horse, with a bell on HI.
neck, who had been turned our 20 die was la
lilly grazing within a short dis ance of the we'll
The devil himself or some other wicked spir.
it put it in Ned's Uranium to have little tuo:
so be quietly slipped up to the horse. and un,
buckling the bell strap. approached with slow.
measured ''ting-a-ling' to the edge of the we'll
Dang that blind horse, said Jake. "he' s
a comm this way sure, and hain't got no more l.
sense than to fall in here Whoa, Balll''
But the continued approach of the '.tipg-a
ling" said just as plainly as words that Bali
woudt whoa. Besides, Jake was at the bot
tom resting, before trying to 'shin it, up the 8
rope. :
Great Jerusalem p said he, the old cuss
VIII De top of me before can say Jack Rob {
ihson. Whoa dang you, whoa rs |
Just then Ned drew up to the edge of the
weli' and with his foot kicked little dirt into
.Oh, l., L t exclaimed Jake, falling on his
whoa, Bail Oh Lord. have ne nuw Whoa
Ned could hold in no longer, and fearful that .
himself eN'' NC revealed 1