, 1871-04-20
Artomu. Ward on Woman. RisA.s

Some of the most laughable things
ever prnned was by the lamenied humor-
ist, Charl..s F. Browne, better known rs
"Artemus Ward" He. disposed of the
"rights of woman as follows
picht my tent in small town in In
jianny one day last setson, & while was
standin' at the dors takin' money, a 6sp>
pytsshun of ladies came up and sed they
wos members Of tie Bunkumville Female
Neral Reformin' 81 Wimmen's Rites asso-
ciash0n, and they axed me if they Good
go in without pnyin'.
:" Not exactly" says 1, "but you can
pay without goin' in
''Dew you know who wa air," said one
Of the wilnnrn-a tall and ferOshus lOOkt
ing crilter with blew kotten umbreller
under her arm" dew you know who we
air, sir :"
My imprsshun is,' sed 1. " from a
kersery view, that you are females"
We air. sur" said the frroshus woman
-" belong to a society which believes
wimmen has rites-which berlrves in raEin
her to her proper speer--which breletes
she is endowed with as much intelleck as
man (which brelevts she is Iramplpd
on and ahoozed-& who will resist hense.
forth & furever the inrroachr1ents Of proud
and domin"ering men,"
Duiing hlr discourse the exseniric f.
male grabbed me by the kotr kulrr and
wus swinging her umbreller wildly over my
he'd.
"I hope marm." sez ], starting back,
"that your intenshuns is honorable I'm
lone man hear in strange place bs>'
sides, I've a wife TO hum"
YES" cried The female, "and she's a
slave Doth she ever dream of FREEDOM
doth she never think of throwing off the
yoke of Tyranny and go 70 thinkin' & vot>
in for hurselfs Doth she never think of
thrse her, things :"
"Not bein' natrnl born fool" sed l
by this time little riled, ~ kin safely
say that SHE dothnht."
20 whot-whotI' screamed the female,
swinging her umbrella in the air, 20. whot
iz the price that woman pays for her eG-
perirncr !"
} II don't know Sez l. "Ths price 10.
my show is Is cents pur individoOal.'
"Aud can't our Society 60 IN free :"
SAsskrVf thpsfcia4Ies -
:" Motif know ii" sedf.
Cruel cruel man !" che cried, and
bust into lerrs.
"Won't you let my darter 10 ?" said
Rnuther of the exceutrirk wimmen, takin'
me sffeckshunairly by the hand. 20,
please lei my darter in-she'S a sweet
gushin' child Of naIur:"
'Lrt her gush ?" roard /, as mad as
Good stick at there taInaI nonsense, "lrt
her gush y wherrupon they all sprung
ba,k with the Simultaneous observashun
that was a bcest.
"My female friends" sed I, "afore you
leevr I've few remarks to remark. Way
them well: The female woman is one Of
the greatest institooshuns of which this
laud can boast. It's impossible to get
along without her. Had there been no,
female wimmin in the world, l should
scarcely br here with my unparalleled
show on this very occashun. She is good
In sickness-good in welness-good at all
TIMES. o, woman, woman!' cried, my
feelins worked up to hi poetic pitch,
"you air an angel when you behave your
self but when you take off your proper
apparril and (metyforically speakingl-
get in:o pantnloous-when you desert
your iresides and, with your heds full Of
wimmin's rites nos uns, go round like
rOarin' lyons seeking whom yoa may de-
your sOmrbody-inshOrt when you under-
tskr to play Fhr man, you play the devil
aud air an emiatic noosance. My female
friends" l conlinncrrd as they were indig-
nanily departin', sway well what A. Ward
has sed l"'