The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1871-12-09
VARIETY.

Eh hath riches sufficient who hath enoGgh to
4asdtaritable.-Sir t. Brown
A lady deserted by one man has no other
rneiy than to appeal to twelve more.
VilIiam. who used to boast that he never
,rd dollar in his life, and never would, in les'
t4na year after his marriage had little Bill tc
iakenp every day
Western paper grumbles because Horace
Gseeiey took 500 from the farmers of Wabash
fox lecture on silk-bearing sheep, short-horned
poiatDes and dapple gray clothes horses.
A Newspaper contains an account of new
play, says the audience sat spell-bound. There
were only four persons present; one was deaf
aad the other three were asleep.
Sister-'' Well, Charles, you've got raw whis-
kay hsreI' - Charles Well, it's hardly worth
while to bring water. We can always find that
nsEe 30 alOng-when we want it."
Josa Billings can not see what woman wants
any more Z" rights - for; she beat the first man
born into the world out of dead thing,
and ehe beat the last with the same cards.
M. Greeley's recipe for preserving peaches
Cut in strips not less than fifteen inches long !;
4rsad them out on the grass to bleach for three
dz5h, and finally sprinkle with cinnamon, and
peck in air-tight jars filled with sawdust.
An old colOred washwoman, who used to groan
o's- her tubs, found consolation in the hope that
a she would soon be where robes won't need
u4shing, and a poor creature can upset her tub
and dance on the bottom of it, singing glory,
haihbaloO, forever and forever!"
4 little boy, when asked by a lady if he
H<1lied hard at school, said, '' do not hurt my
sslf az it " ''Ah,'' said the lady, 80 you must
study hard or you'll never be President of the
United States" ''No manu- cried the boy,
but don't expect to be, I'm Democrat
1 say. Pompey,' said one freedman to an
olker - dis chile has tried lots OBJ gift fares and
tin9s for prize, but nebber could draw nothing
n4@lL" Well, Caesar, I'd wise you to try- a
hznd cart; de chances are a tousand to one dat
ysq could draw"
A countryman on his wedding tour halted re-
celtly at one of the South Boston hotels. The
rzy was chilly, and after vain efforts to extract
A<@t from the steam radiator according to the di-
reeAons OF the waiter, he rang the bell and indg.
nanfly requested the attendant to take out tha
darn steam gladiator and bring in a stoye''
Some paper says: Texas has a new game il
cards; one holds revolver, the other holds tn
-caFds. A coroner holds the inquest In cas-
any one should wish to try the game, and find
the instructions not sufficiently full, we may ad
that the holder of the cards " turns up," an
that the firer of the revolver CUTS
The ONLY THNG.-Thackeray said the droIles
I thing he heard while in this country, and tn
most characteristic American, was the remark O
- New Yorker: "Oh, have no objection Z
/ Angand, Mr.. Thackeray the only thing shouI
De afraid of would be to go out at night there
lest might step of. -
a Western editor who wants his subscribers t
rnew their subscriptions, and who thinks that Z
4 Eood newspaper is necessary adjunct to ever,
tal-regulated family, bursts into the following
xftc strain of fable and moral:
READrln rur
One took paper and his life
Was happier than a kinsIs.
His children all could read and write
t And tax OF men and things.
4ft The other took no paper and
~ NhIie stroning through a wood
ues ien down upon his
And killed him-as II should
Had he been reading of the news
AT home, like neg ghbor Jim,
~ u 4eI a cent that accident
would never have happened him.
A gentleman who had been brought up on good
eF2try butter lately stopped at a leading hotel
Joseph, Mo-, and looking over the tempt
PHI OF iafe, made his order. It was promptly
Ai7o, and ne was indulging in the hope of q
turious least, when helping himself to some
yer, along with the unctuous mass, a long
evidently from some human Uranium, came
ling out on his knife. He held it up. pazed
tPlclously at it for a moment, and then
4pFioned for the waiter. The latter individual
fnptly entered an appearance, when the guest.
the knife up before him, pointed to the
nary substance attached to it, and exclaimed
- voice loud enough to be heard by the whole
Look here, my friend, have you any
-neaoed outter about the house?''
"a fAIHER HARD To SrAND.-The New Orleans
*oyafHs is responsible for the following: A
nTy man just arrived from a neighboring
., was seen few days ago standing at the
1el Oh Canal and ST. Charles streets, looking
tnty at the bronze statue of Henry CLAY, and
heard eonversing to himself thusly: s.WeIl.
oiear-eyed old rascal, Beast Butler. did
e these New Orleans people stand a heap.
wasn't satisfied with stealing all the silver
Pns he could lay his hands on, and sticking
+ 1giy mug In the show windows of all the
+-Eiy stores in town, but he had to add insult
ury by putting up, in the most conspicuous
80 Ia the whole city, burlesque statne of a
Oid negro. If I'd lived here then, / don't
We would have stood it,