Smyrna times., 1871-06-07
NO. L.

annually in board alone, says it is a vllainous
and habitual lie. He knows a girl who laces
SO tight that his arm will go round her twice
and lap over clear to the elbow, and one
wouldn't think, to look at her, that she could
eat anything except soup, but she got an ap-
petite like a cross cut saw, and she mowS a
swath at table like self-raking reaper.
Hooks and eyes have now only small and
Q steady sale. The introduction of buttons for
dress tastcnings has changed the popular de-
mand. There are seventeen factories in Massa-
chusettS where hooks and eyes can be made,
and invested capital in this business of over
S500,OOO lies idle, awaiting the freaks Of fash
ion.
In reply to young friend leaving a town be-
cause some things in it were not exactly to her
taste or content, an old lady of experience said,
" My dear, when you have found place where
everybody and everything are always pleasant,
and nothing whatever is disagreeable, let me
know, and I'll move there too.
More men kill themselves than women.
Women prefer jumping into the water; men
prefer TO blow their brains out. Aged men cut
their thrOatS and aged women take to ropes.
More single persons commit suicide than mar
rled more divorced persons than widowers
SO say the statistics.
On a plantation in Louisiana, negro who
persisted in mOlesting the Chinese labOrers was
seized by them and securely bound rs only
Chnaman can bind and taken before the plan
ter who spent fully an hour in endeavoring to
release the negro, who now protests against the
Heather Chinee.
THE CORRECT Cut-Young Lady-"YOu
will pardon the remark, Mr.. SplaShbrain, but
what gorgeous shirt front !" Mr. S.-"Ya-as;
| [ may say it has been my sole study this month
IgNoc I,11 'hok
not shirt-maker!'
short time ago very strict young lady in
society gave her photograph to a devoted ad
mirer for his locket. Two days aftprward her
brother found it on the floor of a billiard room
decorated with pair of mustaches and an i'm
mense cigar, artistically done with pin.
+ A spirited girl observes that to her mind
the women who want female suffrage because
it will cause division in families, must be a
precious meek lot. 4 woman of any pluck can
pick quarrel with her husband without wait
ing to split on votes.
An anxious mother in Pennsylvania has sent
this nnte to q severe schOOlmistress You
will Oblige me not to yOuSe that wall Bone on
the Lpt of my Little daut0r. Give your Hart
to god and Perhaps you will hav NOR Pacence.
YouNG MEN BEwARE-A cat licked the
face of lady in New York and died in few
minutes thereafter from the paint which it had
gathered from the rosy cheek. Let all young
men take warning by this sad catastrophe.
A man in New York closed his prayer as fol-
lows: go God, we thank Thee that the devil
is dead, and we pray that the mines of Cali
fornia and Idaho may be exhausted to make his
golden coffin.
A reporter thus graphically describes the
effects of a storm in the North river: while
1.-THE storm was at its height the vessel keeled
to the larboard, and the captain and another
cask of whisky rolled overheard"
What sustained our Revolutionary sires dur
ing their struggle for liberty was what New
Canaan pedagogue asked a boy, and was as
tonished when tine boy said their legs, sir. !"
Because Fort Wayne woman kept her bed
bug poison on the same shelf with her pre-
serves, she don't have to mend her little John
ny's trowsers any more.
Sawdust pills, says an old physician, would
etfectually cure many of the diseases with which
mankind is afflicted, if every patient would
make his own saw-dust.
While settling a woman's estate at Worces-
ter, Massachusetts, the other day, an item of
Sc was allowed her daughter for attending her
4 funeral.
: A shrill old lady in Memphis, whenever she
loses her scissors. she rouses whole family
with: Where's them shears appeared to p
A couple at .Danbury, Ct, having carefully
considered the question for twenty-five years
have recently decided to get married.
John, did you ever bet on horse racer"
No, but haye seen my sister Bet on our
old mare.
A New York dressmaker died lately of
arsenic poisoning from making up green tar
: latan dress.
The population of Liverpool is shown by the
census to have decreased IS, 900 in the last ton
years.