Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1871-08-24
u HUnIOROUs.li hIe ~
Monogram doughnuts are an Ohio, pro

duct. ..,.,..,.,f
Some people say that .dark-haired
women marry soonest. We differ; 1t Is
the hght-headed ones. u FIX (i'-lff
e t'Why Did He Not Die ?'' is the title of
a new novel. "A sequel called GO Because
he refused TO, take his medicine" is ex-
pected. '.,,..s.....yl
An, Irish school-master recently in
formed his pupils that the feminine gen
der should always be applied to all ships
and vessels afoat, except Dsdfl steamers
and n7en7ot-war. r,q.i i4,sg-liGd n
zf A trunk factory out, west was lately
superseded by a saloon. The old sign lit
is reported) was retained by the new
proprietor, who economically changed
the !. to y. f,y7sAa9 .afy1pif fsFodtiS
4 A country girl coming from. the field
was told by her cousin that she looked as
fresh as daisy kissed by the dew. fssNo,
indeed p was the simple reply, "that
wasn't his sname.'' - Sah3SSaEzssi sag
, "A Connecticut farmer sprinkles his
,currant bushes with whishys the worms
get drunk, drop off, and either, break
their necks or cripple themselves SO that
llifesis aburden!l !lisEis@ bsst'tST s''sSd
DEAR said ahusband to his wife,
\
"HHow'll you get the lands?''ss EsOh, there's
no trouble about that; / always. have
plenty ofgrou''ds in my cup.
sGood morning, Mr. Henpeck, said a
bprinterin search of female conn positofs.
"Have you any daughters who would
make good type-setters ?'' SsssNo, butt I
have a wife who would make fine
devil" .aEsaIis,sES yEsssoelsi19a b'a;99lS
7s5s,sa,,s : ,zIe,psEG.sszs4 s.fEgssfseFS ~ !
home, died while absent. one efathe
neighbors being srequestedste inform her
of her, husbands Is death, found her at din
ner, and, when he Informed her of the
death, she requested the neiShbor to
wait, until she had finished her dinner,
when !h9,9F ne could hear @ s some on Pawling,rsd
liz A, gentleman whose. habit fitt WAS to
entertain occasionally a circle of friends,
observed that one Of them was in the
habit Of eating something before grace
was asked and determined to cure him.
On being seated at the table, he said /:
For what we are about to receive, and
what j ames B. has already received,
the Lord make us truly thankful pasg
E,~ a Colorado saloen-keepers.s said of a
rough crowd:y 81 couldn't, get their
whisky strong enough for them, SO after
trying every way, 1 'madeta mixture of
poison oak and butterhut.y That fetched
them. ], called it the sheep-herder's de-
light, and it was popular drink. The
first Pike I tried it on yelled with de-
light; the next one, took two drinks and
turned double somerset in the road
before the house. A peddler came along
and after he took several drinks of my
sheep-herder's delight he went off and
stole, his own pack and hid it in, the
woods 30 ili'.V4s'i1 - - 'H-''H ''s''
A few nights since, at late hour, the
speaking tube at the office door of one OF
New sHaven's popular physicians was
used. by some midnight wag, to the fol-
lowing effect: The doctor was in a sound
sleep, when he was partially awakened
by a "halloens through the tube, when
the following Dialogue took place: q Well
live here s'' .ssY les, what do, you want n
Simon Jones ?,' r"Yes-uesl what dc
you want?'' "Why how long have you
lived here?' rsy''Some twenty years
why ?1' 1'r., = Why2 why, don't you paeVe9'''
"If you stay there about ten seconds
more you'll find am moving!" and he
bounced out of bed, but the patient was
heard tsmoying'i down the street,sat a
rate that defied pursuit. -. =.
A POSITIVE sFAcT.-An ingenious me-
chanic in New Orleans constructed safe
which he declared Absolutely burglar
prooEozTo convince the ineFedulousT OF
the fact, he placed a thousand-dollar bill
in his pocket, had himself locked in the
safe, and declared that he would give
the money to- the man who IIntastened
the door. All the blacksmiths, aud car
penters, and bun glars in the.-State OF
Louisiana have been boring, blasting and
beating at the safe for a week with every
kind of tool. and explosive mixture
known to science, and the man is in
there vet. He has Whispered through
the key-hole that he will make stheere-
ward fen thousand. dollars if, somebody
will only let him out, He has convinced
everybody that it is the safest safe ever
invented. Fears are entertained that the
whole thing will have to be melted down
in a blast furnace before he is released,
and efforts. are To- be made to pass
through the key-hole a fire proof Jacket
to protect the inventor While the iron is
melting. -'sials5issE .
- Gs KS = , z------ ---75e---s 75--s-=--TZ /
PeeIino. the Ra,.lz. from, ~
T-.oo-.
,u
{ Inc statements ~ mace IL aJlate number
py our correspondent y - engre1y acT
cord WIN our OWL, epSerVaFons1n
years yea since. an .ofcnard OF apple trees,
ehe TRUNKS OF OF Whlcn nc averaged ABOUT eight
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