Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1871-05-16

- They tell good story of an old-fasE-
toned miSPr. lie was never known to have
anything in the line of new apparel but once
Then he was on 4 journey, and had to pur-
chase = new pair OF boots. The stage Ictt be-
fore day, and so he got ready and went to
the hotel to stop for the night Among
whole row of boots in the morning, he could
not find the old familiar pair He had for
gotten the new ones he hunted and hunted
in vain. The stage was ready, and so he
looked carefully round to see that ne was not
observed, put on a nice pair that fitted him.
called the waiter and told him the circum-
stance, giving him ten shillings for the owner.
The owner called The miser bought his
own boots
- Artemus Ward says in His Book -
ga female woman is one of the greatest in
stitutiOns of which the land can boast. It's
impossible to get along without her. She is
good in sicknesS-good in welncss-good all
the time. ., woman, woman You are an
angel when you behave yourself, but when
you take of your proper appariaI, and imeti-
fOrcaIly speaking) get into panty looms. and
undertake to play the man, You play the devil,
and are an emtatic nOosauce."
- The Brooklyn Times. summing IN the
virtues of a soap boiler, lately deceased. con
cluded his elegy with the usual phrase, Peace
to his ashes" The next day the editor was
waited upon by "a friend OF the family" who
threatened to pound thunder out OF him"
unless he made retraction. lis reference
to his friends ashes they look upon as a per
sOnal reflection, and what's more, they mean
to treat it as such.
There is no charm in the female sex
that can supply the place of modesty. With
out Innocence, beauty Is unlove!y. and quality
contemplate, good breeding degenera,es into
wantOnness, and wit into impudence 1t is
observed that all the virtues are represented
by painters and staiuarIeS under female forms;
hut if any of them have = more particular III
tie to that sex it is modesty.
SUSPICION. Amy may tarnish the re-u.a.
ton Of an individual, however pure and chaSte,
by uttering a suspicion which his enemies
will believe and his friends hear Of \ huff
of idle wind can take up a million of the
seeds of the thistle, and do a work o! mischief
which the husbandman must labor long and
hard to undo; the floating PARTICLES being too
light to be stopped.
"A lad arrested few days ego ro7 theft.
when taken before the magistrate was asked
what his occupation was. frankly answered
"Stealing!" Your caudor astonishes me-
S1iA bhuu8ul II would, re-
piled the lad. "seeinS how many big 'uns
there be in the same business as is ashamed
to own up to their trade"
- At the Salt Lake Theatre, a pumpkin
pays the admission of two people. and they get
two carrots in change Chickens. eggs. oats and
greens are taken, and the box office looks like
one of Greeley's widest agricultural dreams.
"A lawyer once wrote rascal in the hat
Of brother lawyer, who, on discovering it,
entered complaint in open court against the
tresPasser, who, he said had not only taken
his hat, but had written his own name it it.
-"Hould on :" said Patrick, as he stood
looking after the departed train. motioning it
to stop. "HOuId on, ye numbering stame
iugin. yez got passenger aboard that's LETT
behind"
GLOW much did he leave ?" inquired
gentleman Of a wag on learning the death of
a wealthy citizen. "Evcrything," responded
the wsg; che didn't take dollar with him.