The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-07-20
A Nag Disco,rscs Of Queen Elizabeth.
Here is the latest outbreak of eccentric hu-

Here is the latest outbreak of eccentric hu-
NOR:
Queen Elizabeth is dead. 1t doesn't make
any matter how we got the information. THIS
is none of our ight-this quarrel between the
Associated Press and its rival We've received
the news, and that's enough. She died two
hundred and sixty-eight years ago, the 9th OF
last month, She survived until the vital spark
had fed and then she saw it was of no use re-
sisting the inscrutable decree of fate, and so
her fettercd soul took its flight into the mystic
rious void, and settled down i'll that bourne
from which no traveller returns, unless he has
mission TO jerk chairs around and rap on Ia
bles for the benefit of mediums and other long
haired, wild-eyed lunatics.
Queen Elizabeth was virginia vcrgln, on
seventy; and yet the fire cleaned as brightly
rs ever in her am-colorcd eye, and the dell
cate sheen of her fnely-tinted maroon nose
contrasted as forcibly as in her youth with the
alabaster of her brow; and the plugs in her
teeth were lust as valuable as when gold was
at 156.
She had no small vices. She did not smoke
or chew, or belong to the society for, promo
ton of cruelty to animals. And when she
swore she never descended to the vulgarity of
Horace Greeley-Quecn Elizabeth didn't
When she used profanity she gave it with a
finish, an elegance, a delicate, airy grace, and
infused into it luxurious abandon, and
rounded it off carefully at the corners, and
dressed it up with we'll selected poetica! adJec-
tives, so that it sounded like strain from
some sweet singer, like some sweet singer
straining himself, in fact. And she had red
hair.
Her chignon was burglar proof. And often,
in the dim twilight of evening, when the sun
L L cl
filled with tender radiance and lambent light,
and the bulbul woocd the rose in the back
ward, she would play few notes upon her
harpsichord or write Latin hymn or an essay
upon the Harrison boiler. She was supposed
to be the author of Crock Me to Sleep, Moth
cr," and beautiful Snow" and Give O'CLOCK
in the Morning" But, nevertheless, she was
a very estimablc woman, and with all her faults
we love her still-better, indeed, than If she
were still iooling around.
Queen Elizabeth was not proud. She al
ways insisted upon cleaning her own teeth,
even if she was queen and she always did
it once week, every Sunday morning, with
her own tooth brush. What lesson does it
teach to those who are naughty and vain, and
belong to the bon ton She never forgot that
she was perishable dust, and that the sheep
and the silk worm wore her fine clothes long
before she got them. She read every Sunday
school book that taught these facts; and once
she trod on Sir Walter Raleigh's cloak to re-
mind him of them, because he was so set up
with his new fancy cassimeres She said upon
her death bed, that Lydia Thompson need not
learn this lesson, because it had no moral for
those who browsed around in natures simple
garb. =,
Queen Elizabeth was not sorry to die. She
saw that George :. Train was coming to Eng,
land, and said to her physician that she would
prefer the enduring peace of the cold and ST.
lent grave to three weeks of George and the
Alabama claims controversy and the Schleswig
Holstein question all at the same time. Her
last words were, "Kill Horace Greeley before
he has chance to write What l Know About
Farming" There was not dry eye in that
second story front room. Everybody was
thinking how impossible to fulfil her request
and to escape so much misery.
But she has now gone she has left us; we
shall see her no more. Perhaps it Is for the
best. She was vigorous woman, and if she
had lived she might have come to America, and
we might have given her al offence, and She
might have pranced around here and lloggcd us
like the very nation. For she was woman
who followed closely in all the prevailing fash
ions And so we are glad she IS dead; and has
four tons of marble to hold her down.
Rest in peace, old girl! Rest in pieces