The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-10-28
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


member Of the common cunaeil Of that city, in .
report on the health Question. ia view Of the
probable approach OF cholera next year, proposes
20 form . barrier to its further progress. by
planting suufl,wers aloug the Fox River. The
Beacon wants to knew hos ITS re,ders will rel
ish doses Of Helianthi,u h.teropbyllus august
ifolius schwein,izit.
The Illinois river has run itself into the
ground, and Peoria folks said to be watch.
ing the ditch where it used IL fow with amazs-
ment.-Ez.
As long as Peoria has IA :r,i ,,,,- d,stii!erie.
and a dozen lager beer ore Sesl.>. n-r citizens
will not suffer for w"te'
Here is graceful li,'l- rrsu'e 60 tue p,riec.
ton to which the art oil III ,kins arutciai flow
ers has been brought;
During the speech nj Cui. Wlsunx, AZ the re-.
union OF the sea- aud u 4, numr..t when I'll WAS
still, a hummlng.t'ird came down through the
top of the trees and made for tne artifuial fow-
ers on the hat OF u lady. thinking. We -uppose,
hs had got into flower garden. After ,v.rinx
around few seconds, 1t darted oH--Nlreny0
Republican.
All, those good old Kentucky courts. One of
chem has Just decided that il husband, in oon.
sideration of wife's promise ''to restrain her
temper and reform her cOnduc'.' deeds her Ger.
tain property he Is held to II strict performance
of the contract, even it she combs his head with
the milking stool aud pour. the content, of the
teakettle down his back.-Er.
And still that Oman is not happy!
Mark Twain In. legacy II a half million,
and it has knocked the iu,. vut Of him. 1t is
serious thing to be rch.-EI.
Twain can afford to oe -erious. He has made
his Mark
It is always safe to be polite 10 ladies. An in
sident OF the late ralrO ID ,siI-up near Boston
proves it. A gentleman of that city gave up his
seat in the last car of the train to lady, and
passed forward. The lady was killed aud the
gentleman was unhurt.-Ec
That gentleman neglected to state that he wa.
more particularly proud of that little event,
because the lady his mother-in.law.
The following she VS. to what bass uses we
may come At last:
A western paper hears Of two ex.b,se ballists
who have joined chor-une Is short stop on
che organ, and the other singing third b"s-.
The Woodstock Sentinel makes the following
absurd statement:
We saw young man walking by II house Ia
Fhis city the other evening", with one hand in his
coat pocket and the other flirting hand kerC hiet
Presently there another prom.ua1or. aud
"'you know how it is yourself"
We deny it. We ~er, not there We don,
carry handkerchief and ii we did we shouldn't
know how to Use it. aud We don't know how it is
sslf."
The Darwinian theory that man has descent.
cd from monkeys may be all very we'll but did
at never OCCUR to Darwin that monkeys may have
dssceE ded from man! Think is over-EE.
The above arrangement would doubtless be au
insult to the monkey tribe.
How would monkey feel. ii one Il. III N. not
. monkey to look at the monkey, sud say,
|'In thy liueAments trace Horace Grevl,'s hid.
eous face :"
An unhappy editor, WHO seems to be . III ~
rled man, says thusiy:
GOOD morning" said a printer in search of
female oonpusitors. "Havs you any daughters
who weuld make good type.setters - mo, but
have wife who would make fine devil" said
the monster
"A laushable affair occurred in Troy re.,au-
rxnt, last week, u waiter having filled the vine.
gar cruets with old Bourbon whisky instead Of
NheE"i' lawyers, JouEts, ministers, temper
ance men, and even editors, were all seized with
q sudden desire to eat oysters at the restaurant,
which did Il thriving business Tor time, or un-
til the error was discovered.-Er
Leave the editors out and We can swallow the
remanded of the----story.
The Tennessee Press Association recentiy Wis.
tied Louisville, aud its members were permitted
to pay their own hotel bills. In revenge one of
them writes thus OF the town Louisville is ~.
OLD, dllapidated town, celebrated for it's riot,
when it had population to Justify, II long ditch
TO keep the water in the Oaio from s'auuat,py
IN front OF the village, an artesian well. u skat-
ing rink, and II very muchly. pressed hospitality.
Her people principally drink low wines that
never paid the tax, and feed on dried apples
blackberries, catfish, and Cucinuati c,scKiinys
and are happy.
An author who had spent many days and
nights in writing IL novel entitled the Lost
Heir was more than mad when lie saw the first
copy of his work entitled .. The Lost Hem"
Here is a brief but correct obituary notice
bullet settled disputed point in q game Of
croquet in Virginia the other day. The funeral
OF the gentleman who got Oh the wrong side Oh.
she argument--and the wrong eud Of the pistol
was one OF the most fashionable events ui HE
season.
An exchange hns discovered new, "h,rd
drink"
Rural dissipations in the sha pc OF "apple par.
tnss are now in order.
Here Is plain matter OF fact. VIC ,e.r.
mere ure many newspapers that make little