The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1871-11-16

Mark Twain ON his Travels
| got into the cars and took u
seat in juxtaposition TO q female
That females face was y perfect in
surance company for ber--it insured
her against ever getting married TO
anybody except a blind man. Her
mouth looked like crack in dried
lemon, and there was no more ex-
preston in her face than there is in
tho spinal column of cold custard.
She appeared as it she had been
through one famine and had got
about two-thirds through another.
She was old enough TO be great.
grand mother to Mary that had the
little lamb. She was chewing prize
pop corn, and carried in her hand y
yoliow rose, while band box and .
cotton umbrella nestled swestiy by
her side. l couldn't guess whether
she was on mission Of charity, or
going west to start q saw.mill. 1
was full Of curiosity TO hear her
speak, go said: +7a "i .
"The exigencies OF the time re-
quire great cir.umspection in per-
son who is travelling"
Said she, "Whatw ''
Says I, "Thc orb Of day shines
resplendent in the blue vault above. Z
She hitched around uneasy like,
then sho raised her umbrella and
said, Il don't want any Of your snss
git OUT and l got out. ,si
Then took seat alongside Of q
male fellow who looked like the,
ghost OF Hamlet longthened out. He
was stately cues, and he was road.
ing. feE la'
Said I, "Mister did you ever see .
camel leopard 2" I said camel leop-
ard because it is q pious animal, and
never eats any grass without getting
down on its knees. He said DC
hadn't seen camel leopard. Then
said /, "Do you chew p, ,.,a,
He said sNo sir"
Then 1 said, Chow sweet is no
ture ?" s.,& 3etsfi
He took this for conundrum, and
said ''he didn't know" Then he said
he was deeply interested in the his
tory ola great man. "Alasl !" he ex-
claimed, ''we are but few."
| told him knew one; "the man
that made my cooking stove was .
crate man.
Then he asked me would / read?
Says |, "what you got p
He replied, AWAITS Hymns"
"Revcries by Moonlight, aud "How
to spend the Sabbath"
| said. "None Of them for Han
nah" but be had got an unabridged
Business Directory OF New York city
| would take little read.
Then he said, "Young man, look
at these gray hairs"
| told him l saw them, and when q
man got as old as he was he ought to
dye. Said !, "You needn't think
these hairs are any sign Of wisdom
it's only sign that your system
lacks IRON and / advise you to go
home and swallow a crowbar. - ''@
lie took this for irony, and what
little entente cordiale there was be-
tween us was spilled. 1t turned out
that he was chaplain OF base ball
club. l,f,s.s.
When we got to Rochester l calf
cd for bowl Of bean soup. thought
to be called lean soup. l send you
the receipt for making it: "Take y
lot OF water, wash it well, and boil IL
until it is brown on both sides j then
very carefully pour one bean into 1t
and let it simmer. When the .boan
begins to get restless sweeten IT with
salt, then put it in air tigh, cans, Is
hitch each can to BRICK, and chuck
them overheard, and the soup ~
done"
The above receipt orig mated With
a man in Iowa, who gets up suppers
on odd occasions for Odd Fellows.
he has a receipt for oyster coup OF
the same kind, only using twice as
much water TO the oyster and leaving
out the salt,
Speaking of Iowa reminds me Of
the way | got the money to pay for
nv ticket to that Odd Fellows
supper. | bet fellow dollar that
| could tell him how much water To
a Quart went under the railroad
bridge over tho Mississippi at Dn-
buque in year. Ho bet, and | said
two pints to quart. won the bet,
but after all, that supper was an
awful swindle. If the city didn't
settle faster than its coffee did, It's
old settlers club would be " failure,
and the city too.
Dubuque is celebrated for its line
turnouts. There was very line
turnout on the streets while l was
there: a wagon upset and spilled
a lot of women. didn't SEQ il |
looked the other way. No cards.