Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-09-23
Facts saRgGs z1aRacEes.

4 wholesale house advertises
acknowledgements to sell on commis>
sion"
Some of the speakers at the Stand
ish celebration went Miles away for
their subject.
In writing a hymn, don't be too par
ticular about the matter you use--its
hymn material.
A Californian was so badly stung
thai it took four men to drink enough
whisky to cure him.
Greely has never seen Il horse race.
He drops off asleep as soon as the judge
raps go"
Divorces are obtained In Maryland
without publicity. They take their
wives out fishing aud tighten the
| boat.
A client remarked to his solicitor:
''you are writing my bill on rough pa
per, sir" Never mind" was the re-
ply of the latter, ''it has to be fled be,
fore it comes into court"
Dr. Holmes says Dick Venner was
not principled against virtue, provided
virtue were u better Investment than
its opposite"
"Auntie, " said little three year old,
one day, g" don't lite mine aprons
tarched 50 dreflul. So much tarchness
makes the fitness tratch the baroness
At an auction Of miscellaneous ar
ticlcs in the open air it began to rain,
when by starder advised the auc>
tioneor that the next article put up
should be an umbrella.
A new treatise on gems declares that
after all mankind has said of precious
stones, the most valuable, as well as the
most useful stone in the world is the
grind~stouo.
\ Salt Lake City paper says the eli
mate there is pucuIiarly trying to the
hair. Inference fron this statement
duplicating the Moruon wives would
be unfair
''Mr. Brown, I owe you CRU lgc
remember t.lat.
Il shall not be frightened then for
never new you to pay anything you
owed
Doesn't this lovely scene animate
you 2" asked Anna Of her lover. mo,
said he, Nothing but you can Anna
mate me. Oh, say ycs, my darling.
She did say yes, aad his cup of anlma,
ton WAS lu.I.
The Carson Register says: "One Of
the pretliest sights the eye ever rested
upon is gold ia liquid state " I he
human eye in this vicinity would be
satisfied if it could sec any Of the motai
in solid state.
AproPos to the many remedies pro-
posed for preventing boiler explosions,
the Louisville Coarier-Jomuai says
the ouly absolute sure way to keep them
from explosions is to iii them with ice
water and set thou. in cool place.
Points Of difference ! Between
parson aud poultry--the one is clerical,
the Others lay. :. Between a very old
hat and Chis.ehufst One has the nap
wholly oil, aud the other the nap whoIIy
Ga (.%apoloon). , Between the same
hat ard euat in a SPIDERS web
The ene is l~ss hat, and the other
is hapIo=s snst.
4 four~y q. oid living just outside Of
New Iogk, was saying tho Lords Pray
er at his mothers knee. After he had |
finished, she said to him, Now, Sandy, |
Lay - |
The child hesitated, grew thoughtful,
and, after a few minutes, looked up |
and whispered; ats no use mamma
lie wont do it tell you; | have asked |
him ever so many times.
The quiet break fast of family in
Lowell Massachusetts was rudely inter
rupteda few mornings ago by the launr
dress, who bo!tcd into the room with |
the exclamation, +" An sure, Missus,
thought Ia come aud tell yes that |
couldn't wash for ye this mornin' as
me boy is sick with the smallpox, and
is as black as me old mans hat. She
was allowed to depart without further
apology or cxplanation.'
Fanny; don't you think that Mr.
Bond is handsome man Z"
"Oh no--I can't endure him lie
is homely enough"
"Wcll, he's fortunate, at all events
an old aunt has just died, and left him
$50 600"
'sIudccd is it true? Well now |
come 20 recollect, there is a certain no.
BILE air about him, and lie has fine eye
that can't be denied"
A couple ef girls put bull frog into
the hired mans bed to see if they
couldn't make him talk. Davio threw it
out of the window and didn't say a
word. Soon after he put half bushel
OF chestnut hnrrs into the pirls bed.