The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1871-08-18
CHE JOURNAL.
IhE EDIToRS, eUESTs
Las.a q. The a5lslHr.a Eal.sIi.I A..oei.tion.l



documents spread;
q-bsre were thirty long pages from Howler,
with underlined capitals topped
A,,d n short disduisition from GroWler, reques-
ting his newspaper stopped;
There were lyrics from Gusher the poet, con-
cerning sweet foYrets and zephyrs,
And stray gem from Plodder the farmer,
describing couple Of heifers
There were billets from beautiful maidens, and
bills fr0m grocer or two,
And is best leader hitched to q letter, which
inquired if he wrote it or who7
There were raptures of praises from writers,
Of the smooth and melihuous school.
And oneof the rivals last papers, informing
him he was fool;
There were several long resolutions, with
names telling whom they were by,
CanoDiEing some harmless old brother, who
had done nothing worse than 70 dle;
Thers were taps on that table e eaten nin'
and serpents to sting and to smlte HIM,
There were gilt enterprises to sell him, and
biters attempting TO bite him;
There were lonf, staring f'ads' from the city,
aud money with never a one,
Which added. aPlsase give this insertion, and
send in vour bill tOfep yostre done"
There were letters from organiZations-their
meetings, their wants, a1d their laws
Which said, aCan you print this announce
meuE 1or the gOOQ OF our EAoAAOAS eo.e-'ss
There were tickets inviting his presence 70
festivals, parties, and shows,
Wrapped in notes, with HPiease give US 8
notice" demurely slipped in at the close;
In short, as his eye took the table, and ran
Ger its ink spattered trash,
There was nothing it did not encounter, ex-
cepting perhaps it was cash.
The editor dreamily pOndered on several pom
derous things,
On differsnt lines Of action, and the pulling of
- different strings;
Upon some equivOcal doings, and some une-
quivocai duns;
On how few Of his numerous patrons were
quietly prompt-paying ones; =.
On friends who subscribed sjust to help hun,
and wordy encouragement lent,
And had given him plenty of council, but
never had paid him cent;
On vinegar, hndhearted people were feeding
him every hour,
wondered that ssprinters are sour
On several intelligent townsmen, whose kind
ness was so without stint,
That they kept an eye out on his business,
and told him Just what he should print;
On men who had rendered him fsvors, and
never pushed forward their claims.
So long as the paper was crowded with locals
containing their names;
On various other small matters, sufficient hls
temper to roll,
And finally contTived to be makng tne Dloou
of sn editor brols
And so ore may say that his feelings could
hardly be said to be smooth,
And he needed some pleasant occurrence, hls
awakened emotions to soothe;
He had II: for 10, on the threshhld, a slow and
reliable tread,
And a farmer invaded the sanctum, and these
are the words that he said;
ssGood mornin,' sir, Er. Printer how Is your
I'm olsS ~ you'r II to home; for you fellers is most
y,ur naper 'r last week want so spicy nor sharp
as the one week before.
R,t s'pose when the compalgn Is opened,
vou'l be vhoopin' it up to 'em more.
That fellow that's printin' The SnGsher Is
goin' for you pretty smart
And our folks said this mornin' at breakfast,
they thought he was gettin' the start.
But I hushed 'em right up in a mint, and said
good word for you;
told 'em believe you was tryln' to do Just
as well as you knew;
And I told 'err that some one was sayln', ana
whoever twas it is so,
That YOU can't expect much Of no one man.
nor blame him for what be don't know.
But layin' aside pleasure for business, I've
brought you my little boy Jim.
And thought would see If you couldn't
make an editor outen o him.
..AFv family stock is increasin' while other
folks seem to run short.
I've got a right smart Of family-its one OF
the old fashioned sort.
There's IhcabOd, Isaac and 4sreil' a WoIAlh
- =,
They do bout as much as one gooa boy-and
make shings go of like a charm.
Tbere's Moses and Aaron are sly ones and
slip ike a couple Of eels;
Rnt they're tol'able steady IN one thlng-they
afays git round to their meals.
There's Peter is busy inyentin Though what
he invents can't see,l
And Joseph is studin' me0icine-and there
both Of 'em boardin' with me.
There's Abraham and Albert is married, each,
workin' my farm for himself.
And Sam smashed his nose at a shootn' and
so he is laid on the shelf,
The rest of the boys are all growin' except this
little runt which Is jim;
And I Thought that perhaps I'd be maxim an
editor outen o. mm.
..FTe amt no great shakes for a laborer, though
I've Iabored with him good deal,
And give him some strapin' good arguments
know he couldn't help but to feel,
Pnt he's built out of second class timber, and
nothin about him is big,
Exceptin' his appetite only, and there he's as
good as pig.
I keen him carryin' Iuneheons, and film and
brinein' the Jugs,
And take him among the pertatoes, and SET
him to pickin. the bugs,
And then there is things to be doin' helpin'
the women in doon-
There's churnln' and washin' of dishes, and
other description of chores,
R,,t he don't take to nothin' but victuals; and
he'll never be much I'm afraid,
So I thought it would be good notion to
learn him the editors trade.
His bodY's too small 1or 1arner, ms Judge-
ment is rather too slim.
But thought we perhaps could be maxim an
editor outen O. him.
at amt much to get up paper-it wouldn't
take him long for to learn;
He couId feed the machine, am thinkin' with
some good strappin' fellow to turn,
And tbirgs that was once hard in doin', is easy
enough now to do;
Just keep an eye on your machinery, ana
crack your arrangements right through.
1 NN--N-~-
was got up and how,
But tbs most Of it made by machinery can
can see It plain enough now,
And poetry, too, is constructed by machinery
of different designs,
Each one with a gauge and chopper to see
to the length of the lines;
And 1 heara New York Clairvoyant Is runnin'
one slicker than grease,
And rentin' her heaven-born productions at a
couple Of dollars apiece;
An since the whole trade has growcd easy,
'twould be easy enough, Pve whim,
If YOU was agreed, TO be maxim an editor
outen Of jim"
The Editor sat In his sanctum, and looked the
old man in the eye,
Then glanced at the grinning young hopeful,
and mournfully made his reply;
Is your son a small unbound edition Of Moses
and solomon both?
Can he compass his spirit with meekness, and
strangle a natural oath?
Can he leave all his wrongs to the future, and
carry his heart In his cheek2
Can he do an hours work in a minute, and
live on six-pence week.
Can he courteously talk to an equal, and brow
beat an impudent dunceg
Can he keep things in apple-ple order, and do
hall dozen at Oncef
Can he press all the springs of knowledge
with quick and reliable touch?
And be sure that he knows how much to know
and knotos h0'R to not know too muchg
Does he not know how to spur his virtue, and
put check-rein on his prideF
Can he carry gentleman's manners within
q rhinoceros' hide,
Can he know all and do ali, and be all, with
cheerfulness, courage and vim?
If so, we perhaps can be maxim an editor
outen O. him."
The farmer stood curiously listening, while
wonder his visage o'erspread;
And he said, "Jim guess Wen be goin'; he is
probably out of his head"