The Planters' banner. [volume] (Franklin, Attakapas Co., Lou.) 1849-1872, 1871-12-13
What He Knows of Farming.

The bas;..st fraud Of earth is agriculture
! The deadhos. ignis fataus that ever gilt
! tered to begtike md dazzle9 TO betrars i
! agfieu'r--r.S 4 speed. vfsadesiingp on M,
subject. for I've been glittered and beguile.
and dazzled and destroyed by this SAINT
arch deceiyer. ..,,.. 20 --- p, ..-
| She has made me thousand promises
and broken every one of them.
She has promised me early potatoes, an6
the rain has drowned them late potatoes,
and the drouth has withered them.
She has promised mo Summer seuashes
and the worms have eaten them !; Winter
s9uashes and the bugs have deyoared them.
She has promised cherries. and the cur
/. 2, 'io has stung them. AID they contain live
Rrsa "a hgs, uncomely to the eye and unsavory
TO the taste.
She has promised tomatoes, and the old
hens have encompassed them, and the h land
cannot reach them. !...
No wonder Cain killed his brother. He
was tiller OF the ground. The wonder is
that he didn't kill his father, aud then weep
because he hadn't grandfather to kill.
No doubt his early rose potatoes, for which
he paid Adam 81 q barrel, had been cut
down by bugs from the head waters OF the
Euphrates. His Pennsylvania wheat had
been Winter killed, and wasn't worth cut
ting. His Norway oats had gone to straw,
and would not yield FIVE pecks per acre,
and his black Spanish watermeions had
been stolen by boys who had pulled up the
vines. broken down his patent picket fence,
and written scurilous doggerel all over his
back gate. No wonder he felt mad when
he saw Abel whistling along with his fine
nh hnn md
wool going UP every day. No wonder
he wanted to kill somebody, and thought
he'd practice on Abel.
surprising. He had become husbandman.
He had thrown away magnificent opportu-
mites. Ho might have been a monopolist
of my branch OF business. Had he studied
medicine there would have been another
doctor within thousand miles to call him
"quack :" and every family would not have
bought bottle of ..Noah's Compound Ex-
tract Of Gopher Wood and Anti iDeioge
Syrup" Asa politician he might have car
ried his own ward solid. ane captE9lalfffav ttih IN
thipaHs case s fried at Ararat quarter session,
or the Ark high court of admiralty But
he threw away all these advantages and
took to agriculture. For long time the
l-A- -L~ ->.-.sAs ~saso ssssst,-
ing out sweet-flag and bull rushes. and
these at-last ibecame drug in the market.
What wonder that when at last he did get
half peck of grapes that were not stung to
to death by Japhet's honey bees, he
should have made wine and drowned his
sorrows in the Glowing bowl" i.
The fact is, agriculture would demoralize
saint. was almost saint when went
into it, I'm demon now. I'm at war with
everything. fight myself out of bed at
four O'Clock, when all my better nature tells
mo to lie still till seven. / fight myself in
TO the garden to work like brute, when
reason and instinct tell me to stay in the
house and enjoy myself like man. fight
the pigs, the chickens, the moles, the birds,
the bugs, the worms everything in which
is the breath of life. l fight the docks the
burdccks, the mulleus, the thistles, the
grapes, the weeds, the roots-the whole
vegetable kingdom. l fight the heat. the
frost, the rain, the hail--in short, l fight
the universe and get whipped in every bat
tie. l have no more admiration to waste
on the father of George Washington for
forgiving the destruction of his cherry tree.
A cherry tree is only curculio nursery,
and the grandfather of his country knew it.
l have half a dozen cherry trees, and the
day my George Washington is elk years
old I'll give him Ratchet and tell him to
down every cherry tree on the place.
~