The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-12-29
sCIssORlNGs.

-Newly-married ladies.
Mill dew-Wages of the factory
girls.
What dress is the most durable?
A baLit.
Bare walls make gadding house
wives.
Wool gathering-Fights between
negroes.
Safeguard against fits-Deal at
slop-shop.
When is a mother fathery VIII n
she's sigher.
The unkindest cut of ALA cut of
cold shoulder.
A model for bust-Almost any
patent boiler model.
No matter how low gold may get,
it will never want friends.
Who was Richard the third before
he was himself again.
What parts of the body are most
useful to carpenters? The nails.
What word will make you sick if
you leave one letter out? Music.
Who pays the highest price for
home? The woman who marries for
one.
Being mute -ually agreed, pair of
deaf mutes were married IN Iowa,
last week.
A new word coined for the use of
the present generation is "Apothe-
carelessness.
Japan has taken her place among
civilized nations. She has a dollar
store.
What is the difference between a
coat and baby? The one Iwear, the
other was.
A Louisville dairyman has been
fined for not putting enough milk IN
his water.
When the price of liquor rules low,
do dealers labor nuder a depression
of spirit"
To poultry keepers: Is there any
difference between hen stealing and a
cock robin?
An elephant is the most sagacious
Ol lIdNStCIS OcCduSc uC 0CNC4 IS-ACo LIS
eyes off his trunk.
Why ought erockery to know when
it is going 70 be broken? Because it
must be aware.
Candle makers should never en-
ploy men fond of bathing-they are
sure to take no-end of dips.
The man who popped the question
by starlight got his sweetheart's con-
sent IN twinkle.
Why are young ladies so partial to
sunset and twilight? Because they
are daughters of Eve.
It is no longer asked, '@What is
home without mother?" but, "what
is home without bay Window"
There is no need for praising the
present style of ladies' dresses, for
they are puffed enough already.
A Frenchman said of Shakespeare,
even you finds anyzing you no un-
derstand' it always somezing fine"
A darkey's instructions for putting
on coat, ''Fust de right arm. den
de left, and den glib one general con-
wulshun."
When a man retires from business,
and lives on the interest of his mon
ey, he may be considered as resting
on his Otrers.
1t was said of one who
everything he lent, but nothing that
he borrowed, that he had lost half
his memory.
a debtor gave as an excuse for
nonpayments, that "money was very
close, but not close enough yet for
him to reach it"
Two romantic parents have thus
christened their five daughters: Car
oline. Madeline, Eveline, Angeline
and Crinoline. @
One of the most noted resemblan-
ces between a woman and church is
that both have loud clappers in the
upper story.
a romantic young man says that a
woman's heart is like the moon-it
changes continually but always has a
man in it.
What is the difference between a
piece of honeycomb and a black eye?
One is produced by laboring bee,
the other by belaboringl
The Springfield Republican attempts
to injure General Buffers character
among the temperance men By speak
ing of him as branded liar.
All persons are warned by Mrs.
Simmons, OF st. Paul, not to pay her
husband any money until their prize
fight for the championship is deci-
ded.
The Neglected Married Women's IS
Society,"" at long branch, has passed
resolution inviting respectable
young men to attend the weekly
meetings"
Our sage says there are three COM
panions with whom you should al
ways keep on good terms: First,
your wife; second, your stomach;
third, your conscience.
"Would you call this the calf of. a
1eg?" asked Bob, pointing to one of
his neither limbs. No.. replied a
Hiberian. ..I shauld say it was the leg
of calf"
A correspondent wants toknow the
best way to become literary man.
"Well, the quickest way is for him to
take short voyage to sea. He will
be contributor to the Atlantic"
GEN. JAcKsoN's WIFE.-The fol
lowing beautiful epitaph was copied