Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-08-05
Facts and a'amcics.

worm.
A vessel arrived at New York on the
11th ult., having on board hundred
cases of cigars and two cases of meas
! les.
In very hot weather yon may be as
| disagreeahle and disobllging as you
please If u coolness rises, SO mnch
the better
A lady in Pickway, Ohio, packed
away her silver ware in an old clothes
bag, aud forgetfuly sold the lot for
three cents pound.
Some one, describing bad dinner
to which he had been invited, says that
= the meat was cold, the wine was hot
aud everything was sour but the vinegar.
\ young candidate for the legal pro
fession was asked what he should
first do when employed to bring an
action. " Ask for money on account"
He passed.
When Il Boston girl quarrels with
her lover, sac communicates the Import
ant fact to her friends in the remark
that she isn't ''on squeezing terms with
that fraud any more"
The Legislature of Utah having es,
tablished woman suffrage, the Deseret
News contains an appeal to the ladies
Of the female relief societies. ur4ing
them to bring their sisters to the polls
You'd better look out for your
hoss's feet above here mister" said "a
ragged boy to traveller. Why 2"
SAID The gentleman. nervously pulling
up. COOS there $ Il fork in the road lhcrc"
was the candid reply.
Atlanta. Georgia, has woman shoe
maker Her husband who fe battle
Ing for the south, left her his kit of
tools only as a legacy, but hard times
coming on, she has taken to the strap aud
the last, as pegsing out an honest lives
lhood
The Mayor of S.. Joseph, No, gave
permission to-a citizen to kill two dogs
which annoyed him. aud next morning
the mayor found two of his own dogs
dead with his own warrant of pcrm,s
sion for their killing pinned to their
bodies Though he hasn't exactly the
hydrophobia, that mayor Is mad.
Two married ladies' chatting about
husbands : "W hat, says one of them,
you permit your husband To smoac
in your rooms - Certainly | do, bar
he spends his evenings with me. re
piled the other. :" Yes at that price -
''My dear friend. a shrewd wife avaI<
herSelfof her husband $ faults to repres,
his vices"
"Can induce you to invest in
lock p smilingly inquired n travelling
agent for an improved door fastening |
Of plain looking old maid, whom he
encountered sweeping the door steps. |
8 ! on might sir, - she replied, with a
CHASTITY smile, cycling him carefully for a
moment from head to foot, in we'd
lock -
I" wccdcd my friends" said an &C
old man :" by hanging piece OF
stair carpet out Of my first floor window
with a constable's announcement afix~
ed. 1t had the desired effect. soon
saw who were nv frieods 1t was ike
firing gun at pigeon house They
forsook the building at the first report
A newly made minister, having occa
sion to marry couple as his fr-t offi,
cial act, and there being quite an as
sem blage present, he determined to
strike them dumb with awe, and so, in
winding up, he said | pronounce you
man and wife, and the Lord have mercy
IN your sinful souls -
A Virginian woman thought to fright
IN her son, young man, as he was com
ng home the other night SO she went
,ut to meet him with a sheet thrown
,ver Ecr head But he didn't scare
Is we'll es she expected On the con
rary, he struck the 3" gho.t' with
leavy whip he was carrying, aud she
ell senseess.
A drunken FELLOW with box Of match
IS in his pocket lay down on the side
walk in Muscatine, the other day,t enjoy
quiet snooze While rolling over in
lis sleep the matches took fire: Awak
ming, he suuifed the air conspicuously
melt the burning birthstone, and einc>
'Iatee. Just as expected, in h-ll t
hic), by hockey" t