davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

w WARRANTED TO TAKE OUT THE KINKS
Ihe Dubuque (Iowa) 1etegraph of the 9th
ult., says:
About FIVE o'clock yesterday afternoon a
chap who supported gold watch and chain
md any quantity of mustache, was seen to
put down dry goods box at the corner Of
Main and First streets. He did it with
such an air of dignity and business that ev-
erybody wondered what his object was, III
consequence of which a large crowd assem-
bled. Among Others surrounding this new
found center of interest were number OF
negroes, who are ever willing to be on hand
on such occasions He of the mustachc and
chain mounted the box, and immediately
produced from sathel Il number Of bottles
which contained peculiar kind of liquid
This, he said, was the great invention of the
Ige, and was gotten up by phllanlhropisl
Nhose only object was to enhance the hap
piness of the African race. The bringing OF
this invention to perfection was a mammoth
work of intellect, and had required the pa
tent study Of years. The greatest boon
was bestowed for the trihing price of one
dollar per bottle, and was nothing more nor
.ess than an article to tah,e kinks oft Of n
myers icooi. This announcement was re
ceived with evident manifestation. of delight
by the colored people present. The young
uIokes, who many time and oft hld men
50 rash as to incur the displeasure of biz
aged sire in consequence of which their
heads were covered with tufts of wool, III
vested literally in the vender's bottles and
before an hour had elapsed no less than sixty
bottles were disposed of. Before the mind's
eye of the purchasers arose visions Of luxuri-
mt heads Of hair-hair that was to take cap
tive the hearts Of the ebony Dinahs, and
which would outvie in beauty the blackest
diamond. The seller of this incompatible
stuff having disposed of as much of it as he
could, picked up his traps, and left for Chi
cago.
New comes the sad part of the story
The purchasers assembled together and re
solved to try the effects Of one Of the bottles
on the head Of diminutive specimen Of i
moke; hose loss, should the thing be death
dealing, would not create much Of a gap il
the community African. So the application
was made, and, tins morning, an inqulsltive
Caucasian went TO the residence of the youth
operated on to take note Of effects He
raped at the door, and it was opened by the
sable and miniature specimen he was in quest
Of. But what sight met his gaze. As
The negroes say, the child was entirely bare
footed on the top of his head There was nj
even a thread of wool left to indicate thai
that little black patch of flesh and bone had
ever been soil adapted to the growth of
curls not exactly Hyperion. Not only thst,
but the flesh was decorated with little red
spots here and there, which clearly proved
hat the medicine not only took out the
kinks of the wool, but had a tendency to
convert a sable individuals skin. We heal
of several fifteenth amendments who have
bottles for sale
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

A ToUGH GOOSE STORY. - There once lived
in one of onr Northern towns-not Inanv
miles from Conway (New Uampshire) al,
eccentric individual by the name Of Fogg
whose fame as a story-teller was known for
many miles around. Here il one; "NI,
home WAS situated in glen, some six miles
distant from the stage road Between Conway
and where | lived was IA pond six miles in
circumference. 1t so happened one time
early in the spring that had been out late,
and, in coming home, discovered a flock OF
geese just a, they were aliehting in the pond.
Rising early the next morning, built my
ire in the fire place, and taking down the
shooting iron started for the pond to try my
luck. Arriving on the shore, found to my
sorrow that they were out of gun-shot, and
to fire at that distance would be shear folly.
While stood contemplating what to do, ii
fox came down to the waters edge, and stood
snutiing the air. My first idea was to shoot
him, but concluded to sec what he would
do first. The fox in the meantime enterd
the water and was swimming for the geese,
which were huddled together about half
mile from the shore. After swimming within
few yards of them, he suddenly disappeared,
and in a few moments goose was drawn
under the water, then Reynard returned ON
his homcward passage, and landed his burden
on the shore; then returning again, brought
another, until finally he got the whole flock :
md when he brought the last one shot him.
When | came to pick up the geese ! found
that | had fifty good nice ones, which | lug
ged home, together with the fox and my gun.
The old woman had got breakfast quite ready
then.
"But, Mr.. Fogg, the fox TO capture these
geese had to swim half mile for each goose;
consequently the fox swan fifty miles, and
the geese average six pounds apiece, making
'he sum of 800 pounds, to say nothing of the
fox and the gun; the thing was impossible
Impossible or not, every word of it is truth,
exclaimed the old man, "and can prove it
by more than dozen Of my neighbors, to
each of whom sold feathers enough to fill
bed.
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

A FINE OLD MAN.-lhe following des-
cription Of fine old man, )" hy Mark Twain,
is worth reading John Wagner, the old
est man in Buhalo---one hundred and four
years old--recently walked mile and a
half in two weeks. lie is as cheerful and
bright as any of these other old men that
charge around so in the newspapers, and in
every way as remarkable. Last November
he walked five blocks in rain storm, with
out any shelter but an umbrella, and cast
his vote for Grant, remarking that he had
voted for forty-seven Presidents-whch was
i lie. His second crop of rich, brown hair
arrived from New York yesterday. and he
has a new set of teeth coming-from Phils-
delphia. lie is to be married. next week
to a girl one hundred and two years old
who still takes in washing. They have been
engaged eighty years, but their parents per-
sstcntly refused their consent until three
days ago. John Wagner is two years older
than the Rhode Island veteran, and yet has
never tasted a drop of liquor in lis life, TN
less you count whisky"
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

SCENE IN RAILWAY CAR.-The last fish
story comes from new Jersey. Lately, in
the interior of that State, mild looking
countryman entered railroad car, bearing a
bundle tied up in handkerchief, which he
placed under his hat at the end of the car
After travelling along for about half an hour,
a lady sitting in front of the countrymsn was
observed to move uneasily i'll her seat, and
to cast savage glances at a seemingly respect
able man sitting by her side.
In few moments afterwards another lady j.,
still further to the front, "became uneasy, .
and at last, rising in her seat, requested ,ha,
some gentleman in the car would protect her
from an elderly looking gentleman by her
side, and whom she stated had nsulted her.
A dozen persons offered their assistance,
and before the accused could speak in his
swn defense his hat was jammed over his
eyes, and he was dragged to the rear of the
car.
While there, and carrying on with the
avengers war of words as to what the in
dignity meant, still another lady rose, also
seated further up the car, and accused a
gentleman sitting behind ier with improper
conduct A rush was made for insulter
number two, but that gentleman vigorously
defended himself with a large walking stick
which he happened to have, and which, by
he way, was one cause of the last trouble
his accuser stating that he had indocorouslv
been rapping her ankles under the seat with
the same,) and while the struggle TO get at
him was still in progress, somebody in the
front Of the ear shouted there's snake on
the floor" A scene then unsued. The la
dies in the car clambered up on TO the seats,
and many got on the arms and backs of the
same One elderly maiden managed to
stand on the backs of two seats, in the best
circus manner possible under the crcumstan-
ces, while young mother threw her baby
INTO parcel-rack, and then hung convul
svelv to ventilator
The confusion awoke the countrvman
who, on being told of the snake, first felt III
his bundle, and then cxclamined, T'm blam-
ed if that old eel hant got loose" started
for the front, and soon returned grasping
firmly an immense eel, which he had first
caught, while out fishing, but which, when
brought into the car, had managed to get
out Of the bundle, and had wended its way
10 the front, lovingly cares-ing the different
varieties of ladies' garters which he encoun-
tered on the way. Apologies given and re-
ceivcd Strengthened everything in that can
but the hat that was .jammed down, and the
counirvman leaving at the next station, nc
blood was drawn.
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

ALREADY some prominent politicians of
San Francisco, money-bags, have trotted
out shylock, a bosom friend Of monopolsis
rs candidate--Seligman the Banker on ac-
count Of his being avalabl in that he can
command a strong German vote. We want
no man for the position who is allied to any
monopoly oly-whether it be in the shape of
Railroads or two per cent. per month. We
want man from among the people free
from all such alliances, in whom the masses
confide. With such men upon their ticket,
the Republican party have some show of
success; but if the various monied interest
are to be consulted and their interests to be
identified with the candidates accepted, the
ticket will be defeated as it should be, for
the good of the people. --MaYtield E'terprtse
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18
LAW or NEWSPAPERS.

1. Subscribers who do not give express notice
70 the contrary, are considered as wishing to
continue their subscn ptlon.
2. If subscribers wish their papers dscontn-
usd, publishers may continue to send them uh'ii
all charges paid.
3. If sub ,cribers neglect or refuse to take then
papers from the Office or place to which the art
sent, they are held respons ble until they settle
their bills and give due notice to discontinue.
4. Ii subscribers move to other places thout
informing the pul Usher, and the paper is sent to
tbs former direction, they are held Responsible
Notice sho,ld ALWAYS be given Of the removal
s. The Courts have decided that refusing to
take paper from the Office, or removing ana
leaving It uncalled for, is prima facie evidence
Of intentional fraud.
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18
THE NEGROES OF ONO ON THE WAR PATH

THE NEGROES OF ONO ON THE WAR PATH
The negroes of Ohio do not intend to be
content with anything less than what they
conceive to be the full measure of their
rights under the Fourteenth and Fifteenth
Amendments to the Constitution Of the Uni
ted States. At State Convention of col
ored men just held at Columbus, resolutions
we're passed asking for the repeal of all laws
on the statute books of Ohio, which make
distinctions on account of color, and demand
ing that all the schools of the State be open
ed and made equally free to blacks and
whites The negroes of Ohio evidently un-
derstand the situation. They will either
force the Radicals to accedc to their demands
or they will unmask the hypocrisy Of the
political adventures who have been making
capital out of the negro vote. -.-Je6ersonian.
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18
A GENTLEMAN who Is rather given to stor,

A GENTLEMAN whols rather given to story
telling, relates the following:
" hen was young man, spent sever
al years in the outh, residing for awhile al
Port Hudson, on the Mississippi River. A
great deal of litigation was going ON there
about that time, and it was not always an
easy matter to obtain jury. One day
WAS summoned in that capacity, and repair
ed to court to get excused.
"Where do you reside ?" inquired the
Judge.
81 am stopping for the time being at
Port Hudson"
"You board at the hotel, presume ?"
81 take my meals there, but have rooms
in another part of town, where ! lodge"
$50 you keep bachelors hall ?"
"Yes, Sir.
GLOW long have you lived in that man
ner?
"About six months"
81 think you are qualified" gravely re-
m,rked The Judge; "foy have never known
a man to keep bachelors hail the length of
time you have, who had not dirt enough in
his room to make him freeholder The
Court does not excuse vou'
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18
WHERE Is THE GIRL FOR ME.

Where'er l take my walks abroad,
How many girls | see;
And often do | ask myself,
Where is the girl for me?
To be without don't deserve;
Bat one, ask no more;
And hundreds daily pass me by,
As stand at my store.
How many girls out in the street,
Well padded | behold
They are not the sort to comfort me
Now it is getting cold.
Still there is one; LITTLE girl,
Who often wonders by;
] think she must be waiting me,
SO loving is her eye.
And yet dare not speak to her:
SO many false and fair
Wear bustles TO deceive the men,
And cheat them with false hair.
When 'er | wed do not want
A thing of frills and pad;
But hesh and blood and loving heart,
And where can they be had
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

IN California, when the diggings were pay
ing well, Signor Bitz visited a gulch, and
before large audience, exhibited his legerde-
main. During the performance, he took
out his handkerchief, threw it in into the air
caught it again, when he took a twentydol-
lar piece out of it, asking the boys if they
could do that. Old Pete, "tortyniner, .
who had never changed bis mining shirt since
he came into the diggins, Immediately went
upon the platform, took off his shirt, dipped
the tail of it in bucket Of water, held it up,
and wrung out s39. so in gold dust, incud-
ing fifteen pounds of subsoil. Blitz took the
next mule train
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18
OFFICIAL DVERIISlNG.

The following rates, As FIXED By LAW, VIII D
charged for all legal advertisements and notices.
For the first insertion, one dollar and NIT
cents per square of two hundred and fifty ems,
and one dollar per square for each additional IN
Ssrton, up to four, and thrty-hve cents pei
square for each subsequent insertion.
-. All legal advertisements must be plainly
written and the number of Insertions must al
wavs be marked on the margin of each adver-
tisement, or they Will be continued and charged
accordingly. The publisher will not be respon-
sibls for faulty or legal manuscript.
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

INFLUENCE OF NEWSPAPERS. The Boston
7rorele,' states that school teacher, who
had enjoyed the benefit Of a long practice CT
his profession, and had watched closely the
influence of newspapers upon the minds of a
family of children, gives as result of his
observations, that, without exception, those
scholars of both sexes, and all ages, who
have access to newspapers at home, when
compared with those who have not are:
/. Better readers, excelling, in pronunci-
alton, and consequently read more under
standngly.
2. They are better spoilers, and define
words with ease and accuracy.
3. They obtain a partial knowledge in
geography in almost half the time it requires
others, as the newspaper has made them ia
miliar with the location of important places
and nations, their governments and doings.
f. They are better grammarans, for, hay
ing become familiar with every variety of
style in the newspaper, from commonplace
advertisements, to the finished and classical
Grafton of the statesm,n, they more readily
comprehend the meaning of the text, and
consequently analyzs its construction with
accuracy.
5. They write better compositions using
better language, containing more thoughts,
and still more clearly expressed.
From these simple facts, three important
things can be deduced:
1. The responsibility of the press in sup
plying literature which shall be understand
ingly expressed
2. The absolute necessity of personal SUI
pervision Of a childs reading by his parents.
3. Having once obtained good able pa
per, no matter what the price is, don't be-
grudge it hearty support
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

A CAIIFoRNn DOSE The wife Of Cal
ifornia farmer being sick, her physician or
dered some powder largely composed of OPT
nm, and directed her husband to administer
the weight of quarter eagle at dose. In
the morning, when the doctor returned, the
patient was dead, and evidently of poison.
Unhappy man." said the doctor, "where
is the powder gave you ?"
81 gave it to her. Here is the empty
box"
"You forgot my prescription, then?'
ono, doctor. put the two dollars and a
half in one scale and the powder in the other.
"Was it in gold'?"
"No; did not have the gold, so made
up the amount in silver"
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

You DIRTY?"-lhe Vallejo Recorder
tells the following:
Yesterday morning Chinaman, who Of
late has found considerable opposition in tho
laundry business, started out to hunt work,
and walked into an office on Georgia street
and addressed the proprietor with: "You
dirty?' "Dirty Yes" responded the
gentleman. John refec, ID to- IT ,ment
and replied: "Mc washa belly tlean; alisama
Mclean woman"
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

AN exchange says that Horace Greeley
little boy, who attends an uptown school,
will tell the truth any way you can fix him.
The other day the teacher spelled out the
word "g-r-a-c-e, and asked the young man
to pronounce it. He gave it up, when the
teacher, to refresh his memory, asked him,
"What did your father say this morning be-
fore eating breakfast % The boy thought a
moment, and finally said, "Pa said, 'd--n
these eggs, they re retten'"
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

A FRENCH traveller in this country says:
''Derc is drink called de same which il
very much liked in America. One man asks
for Bourbon; several say, Give me de same!
One man asks for brand y; several say, Give
me de samer-De same is one very grand
drink in America
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18
.SN->%<

One of the transparencies carried in the
German procession in Sacramento, night or
two ago, had on it the words "Belknap to
Grant believe Paris is about to capitu-
late. +" "Grant to Belknap-'Then you
had best stop selling arms" 1t was a
heavy punch at the Republican party's hyp-
ocrtical professions Of sympathy with Prus-
si,.
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

A Weston piper announces the illness Of
its editor, piously adding: "All good paying
subscribers are requested to mention him in
their prayers. The others need not. a. the
prayers of the wicked avail nothing, accord
my to good authority"
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

In Troy, New York, liquor is only allowed
to be sold to the travelling public, and every
morning thousands of citizens can be seen on
the streets, carpet bag in hand, rushing for
the nearest saloon.
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

A friend the other day, called a thin young
lady spare girl. There are several spare
girls in most large unmarried families.
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18

1t isn't best to stand on triAes. They
are not near as good as stone or brick for a
foundation.
The Placer herald., 1871-02-18
NUMBER 26.
BRICK DUST.

A woman at Mount Pleasant, Iowa.
bought bottle Of hair-dye, and took it IN
ternally to affect the roots. The funeral
was at four o'clock, P. N.
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1871-05-27

The New York Commercial 4drertise,,
SAYS:
We publish on our first page to-day a sug-
Gestive letter from an English traveller, who
AYERS that he was attracted to this country
by desire to test for himself the truth of
the tales of extraordinary opportunities for
the immigrant. In order to arrive at a cor
rect conclusion, he has travelled East West
and South, and the sum of his observations
is that the South offers the best advantages
for the new conner. In the East, he saws,
he found labor cOntendng with oppositiOn
and receiving relatively small returns for
its products. At the West, the low priced
lands appeared dear at any price to the
present generation, and the rudeness of the
new settlements suggested discomfort but
at the South, where emigration is as vet
almost unknown. an equable climate and
the call for help offer unusual inducements
to the new conner from Europe. Our CORE
spondent has evidently given intelligent
consideration to the subject in hand, and
although his criticisms upon the conditions
of life in the West are not altogether well
founded it is useful to hear them.
The rapid growth and continued pros
perity of the newly settled regions of the
West disprove the allegations concerning
their Embellishments and their lack of the
advantages of civilization-but let that pass.
The point of immediate interest is the open
ing to immigration at the South, and upon
this depends the solution of one of the great
problems of reconstruction. The chief need
of the South is an abundance of skilled
labor. Under the old order of its society,
the intelligent white population had no
practical knowledge of work of any kind,
and very little appreciation of the wants of
their section; while the wasteful system of
slavery discouraged progress among the
class o. laborers. Under the new system,
labor has become honorable; but there is a
lamentable scarcity of skilled workmen in
all the departments of industry. The field
is wide, and the best security for the con-
tinuance of peace and the revival OF pros
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1871-05-27

We will express our own opinion frankly
Every prize fight, being against the law,
ought to be stopped by the public authori-
ties. But this is not enough. When a
prize fight is thus stopped, and the two
heroes are seized, the joint stakes for
which they fought or were to fight ought
to be confiscated to the government. The
officials who stepped into the ring between
Mace and Coburn ought to have carried out
with them the FIVE thousand dollars for
which these two gentry proposed to mellow
each others mugs. This style of govern
mental dealing would soon end the fisticuffs
which the law SO systematically puts down,
and which the authorities almost syste-
matieally allow to proceed. -Golde, Age.
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1871-05-27
GENERAL NATURE-No. 40. I


AN ACT to amend an act entitled IAN act
to require the holding of additional dis
trlct and circuit courts of the United
States in the district of Indiana, and for
other purposes" approved June thirty
eighteen hundred and seventy and 10
other purposes.
OF Representatives of the United States Of
America in Congress assembled, That sec
ton seven of the act aforesaid be- and the
same is hereby, amended by adding thereto
the following additional proviso And pro
vlded further, That deputy clerk for each
OF said additional courts shall be appointed
IN the manner aforesaid as soon as praeIl
cable after the passage of this act and thal
such deputy clerks for the additional courts
to be held at New Albany shall reside ana
keep an office at said city, and that sucn
deputy clerks for the additional courts TO
be held at Evansville shall reside and keep
an office at said city, and that they shan
respectively keep at said places full records
OF all actions and proceedings in said add
honal courts respectively, and shall have
the same power to issue all process from
said additional courts that is now enloye'di
by the clerks of other district and circul
courts of the United States in like cases
SEC. ,. That all actions over which salu
district and circuit courts have jurisdiction
respectively under existing laws may be ID
stituted in said additional districts and rH
cult courts respectively in the first instance
by filing the proper pleadings or other paper
in the office of the deputy clerks performlps
the duties of clerks of said courts resPee
lively, and that all proper and lawful P%
cess shall issue therefrom in the same man
ner as from other district or circuit coms
of the United States in like actions, case'
or proceedings.
Approved March 3. 1871