Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1871-08-18
Gnutll fur Jnmurisfs

---
a biighted bcc-ing-an e'npty
hive. 5 : 81
What sport is ike girls gossip!
Deer-stalki g
Women in arrls''-Wen. where
should they bel e
-Query-Does dumb man always
keep bis word.
Popular song for the Cabinet
we met By chance"
"A social glass to which ladicsare
addicted the mirror
A new name for the Greeian bend.
is the ''back-steOp."
The newspaper compOsitors' bus
mess is picking up
-Fairy-naceous food for children
The Arabian Nights"
Sugar Of lcad-A heavy cOmpli>
mcntary after-dinner speech.
When may a man be said to be |
}0ok:-When he is tune.
The eating of green corn does not
always render the voice husky.
YoL can't get blood from a stone
but you GU. get money iron trick.
Ifyou're asked to take an egg, and
won't, is that an-egg-ative reply!
Entering the social circle-Making
I the first cut into a round of beef.
Consolation for the ladies-The
world abounds with interpretations.
Why is it that Mount Vesuyius new
er sleeps? Because 1t is always yawn-
ing.
A bad hat taken to an evening par
/ ty frequently comes out as good as
/ new.
Why is a hole in your shoe like
harvesting operations? Because It's
reap-arable.
Why are pigs ike fashionable wo-
men? Because the each carry curl
behind.
A blonde dog was entered at
the city registers Office in Washington,
fJr license.
Doctor.-have you taken any rem
edyi Patient.--No, but Eve took
lots of physic.
! Curious to say, most horse-owners.
when in difficulties, prefer their grays
to their duns.
Perpetual mOtiO--the movement
Of fashionable lady Ia warm room
with pretty fan.
Why was Louis Napoleon's army
like MS moustache? Because it was
waxed at both ends.
The editor of the London Spectator
declares that no toll fatigues like
reading manuscript.
IuCic ID IOhn III IiiiI1OiS CdilSh
Marseilles. The men of the town are
ali Marse;lIes hims.
Little fish have proper idea Of
business. Not being able TO. do bet
ter, they start on small scale.
THE hour Of need''-You cannot
help knowing it, for when it does come
it is sure to strike one.
When you have to pay the piper.
will the peppermint be the proper
source-mint-source-to apply to?
A wholesale house advertises /:
Wanted woman to sell on com.
mission" Gals, there is your chance.
Soldiers in battle are not allowed
to whistle to keep their courage up.
That must be left to the bullets.
We rejoice to learn from an En-
glish paper that man has been pun
ished in London for stealing an UNI
brella.
Fun, commenting on the prcverb.
Peace hath her victories" says.
Just so more fail in love, than in
war;"
A baby who kisses his mother and
fights his father may be said to be par
tial to his ma and martial to his pa.
The epitaph Of the doubIe-headed
baby, pronounced by the New York
Mal, is, "She are dead; they is
gone"
Divorces are obtained in Maryland
without publicity. They take their
wives out fishing and Ii 5hten the boat.
An unpOetical youth described his
iancee's hair as fiizzled in front. and
tricaseed and scrambled at the back.
The average length of time spent at
the toilet by seaside helles is said to
be seven hours out of the tweuty-four.
A young lady at Long Branch is re-
ported as ''clothed in laughing eyes
and bewitching smiles" Light gear.
we should say!
A Western obituary closes by say
ing: ''She had an amiable temper,
aud was mcommon'y fond of ice
cream and other delicacies." llai
Out West a trunk factory was chang
ed into a saloon. The keeper merely
made ID out of the T in the first word
of the sign.
This generation has grown so lazy
that it is proposed to have elevators
m the churches to take the people up
into the galleries.
What is the difference between an
entrance to a barn and loafer in a
printing Office. Que is barn door
and the other is a darn bore ...r
Il,x- IL OF -