Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1871-08-17
Matrimonial Infellcities.

4
turbability, and was never known to
speak an angry word or give an angry
look
If ever man deserved canoniza-
ton. it WAS Abjah his wife kept up u
cannonaie Of vituperative adjuration
nearly every minute he was in the
house. His universal placid;ty would
sometimes rouse the female Simpkins
TO such n pitch that dishes from the
table and small articles of furniture
would hv about promiscuouslv, and
Mr.. :. would be compelled ignomi-
nously to fee from the citidel.
! Simkins had prosperous business
in an interior city, and he was one of
| the most generous OF men no wish of
his wife, however extravagant. was
ungratliicd, yet nothing suited her {:
articles that she herself selected would
not suit for day and on poor Simp-
kins' head were poured the entire vlais
of her nonsuitcd wrath.
Previous To marriage Mrs. ). had
appeared as entirely destitute Of tenn
per as her lover; and >impkins
thought in securing such a wife he
was securing priceless treasure ; but
marriage changed the coionr de rose to
colour Didbie.
Mrs. :. had a cousin Of the male
persuasion he was not particularly
brilliant or particularly beautiful ; he
possessed large, coarse person, sur
mounted by aR amazing shock of red
hair, OF the finencss OF swinc's bristles.
Although a cousin somewhat re-
mote, he never was far distant from
SimpkIns' house. Being poor and too
lazy 10 work, he at Mrs. IS sollcita-
tion, became m inmate Of her home,
and his support dcvolyei on the tami
/ ly.
Ahijah accidently entered his par
!o- at an inopportm,c moment one day
and discovered Mrs :. and her cousin
IN close embrace. Drinking sweetness
long drawn out, from dallying lips.
lie was assaiied by Mrs. ). with the
1 pleasing salutatlon
"Prying sneak, what do YOU want
here
/ Nothing. my love-y yes, that is,
want book which came for replied
Simpkins.
Nv ell. take II, and relieve rs ot
your hateful presence. Cousin Hiram
has met with severe los, he has just
received news of the death OF second
/ cousin in India. whom be has never
seen, and | am trying 10 assuagc his
I grief" Here cousin Hiram commenced
u sob. Now if you have found your
book, take yourself oil. aud doa't
again interrupt me when | am CON
-oling NY poor. forIorn orphan rcIa-
tive"
Certainly not, my love, excuse me :"
and exit Nlmpkins.
When all were retired for the night
and the usual curtain lecture com
menced. Mrs. :. dIlated To Smpklns
on the enormlty OF his ofiensc IN en-
tering unbidden where sacred grief
was holding sway.
My Dear" said >impkins, could
you not assuage your relatives grief
in some other manner: DO YOU think
the position in which | found yon was
hardly appropriate"
Now the yials OF wrath were fully
uncorked. ). retrea:cd, after receiving
. slight scalp wound, and spent the
~'gAt IL another apartment. Mrs :.
=. semoviug the loose change from
after '4s's clothing, pitched them
her husba 'ocked the door and re-
into the hall. ~e@ltate acd cream
gained her bed to =. ~0p,l have as
\ suspicious man tat 2rs.
covered with half an e,. ~'Oouate
was growing remarkably atie, Ga
toward cousin Hiram; but SimpA.
WAS not = suspicious man. He daily
saw the endearing looks and actions,
and ut the table saw the choicest
dainties placed on cousin lIiram's
plate. He did not demonstrate if tie
did remark those significant indica-
tlons he merely retSined lls U.nal
placidity.
Returning one day from business TT
an earlier hour than usual, Abijah let
himself in with the latch key, and pro-
ceeded directly TO his sleeping apart
ment To perform his ablutions remov-
| ing his coat, he poured some water
| into the washbowl and commenced
washing. A noise from the other side
| Of the room attracted his attention
and caused him to turn his head What
did he see: In his marlt uch
were reposing the forms OF slfe
and cousin Hiram. What do:
He merely said, .'excuse me, ~, dear.
and went on with his washing.
Mrs. S. soon found her tongue and
ordered him out of the room.
But where shall ] go:' said 5.
las soon as | have finished nv ablu-
tions | will retire"
'sGo to the d." replied Mrs. 5.
Simpkins finished washing his hands
and face, parted his back hair evenly
carefully busted his coat. put it on
went out of the room, closed the door
descended the hall stairs, took his hal
from the hat rack, and having adjusted
the KNAPP in the proper direction. put
it on his head and departed from the
house. He proceeded to his lawyer
calmly related what he had seen, ant
asked his advice.
..What shall you do!" said Judg'
Hardy, staring in bank astonishmen
at Simpkins. "Why, divorce Of course
I'll commence an action for you a
once!"
Simpkins said he bore her no malice
but perhaps it was best to get
divorce. then she could follow her in
elination and cousin Hiram.
1 Mr.. S. returned home at an unusual
4 lS late hour for him; he found tn
huuse closed and dark; entering, b
/ liz the gas in the parIor what a seen
ma his sight; the most portable an
l,ysluable knicknackeries were nowher
visible the floor was strewn with
; debpis composed Of boquet holders
pasie. statuettes and such like articles
!. II ,Euvtt,~r investigation developed th