Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-11-17

AND now drop OF musk SurVlVes
The strongest human passion
Harper's for November.
HumOr.
~-~~-7~9~~~r~o-7>-~-~-
If wit is bad-in- age what must it be in
youth.
Doing stiff business--Starch manufac
turers.
A tax no one likes-Attacks on ones
pocket.
Don't cram the children at school--nol
at the table.
The dearest spot on earth-the store tina
don't advertise.
A druggist is not appropriately termed
the chief pill-er in society.
Light is most successful burglar, it il
always breaking in upon some one.
Why is a beefsteak like a locomotive
It is not of much account without its ten.
der. fs.f~s
The meeting between Grant and Butler
the other day was very cordial. Whiskey
cordial
A Georgia Justice is said to swear wit
nesses on Patent Office Reports. If reports
true. it's a patent way
Why is husband like a Mississippi
Steamboat Because be never knows when
he may get blowing up.
Although one swallow will not make a
summer, still pin maliciousiy inverted in
chair will make one spring. 5
1t was an Irishman who wanted to find q
place where there was no death, that he
might 60 and end his days there.
An item in a lawyers bill to his client
ran thus: To lying awake at night thinking
over your case, forty-fve dollars.
1t is proposed, as good advice. that when
beaux become 'loo2c' in their habits young
ladies should give them the sack
A young Philadelphia, threatened With
breach Of promise suit, says sue away ;
contracts made on Sunday amt legal
An incorrigible bore at our elbow wants
to know if W-o-r-c-e-s. ter spells Wooster,
Why Roche, Steer don't spell Rooster.
Champion mean man-The man who in
sisted upon being admitted TO panorama
at half price. because he had but one eye.
Swinging is said by the doctors to be very
good exercise for 2 ersoD's health, but
many poor wretch has come to his death
BY it.
A judge sentencing prisoner to be hung,
said he hoped it would prove warning to
him. It did-the chap hasn't committed q
crime since.
I'm not myself at all to -day,' said bore
to wit. No matter for that was the re-
ply, whoever you may be, you are gamer
BY the change
A man who was told by a clergyman to
remember Lots wife, replied that he had
trouble enough with his own without re-
Wondering other mems wives.
The Northwood Qowa) Pioneer publish
es the cards Of five physicians resident in
that small town, and argues therefrom the
necessity of laying out a new cemetery.
A widower being asked bis opinion of
second marriage, said that as good wife
was gift from the Lord, it was wise and
right to replenish as often as the supply
gave out.
Stranger (meeting a boy)-'where can !
get shave :?
Just around the corner, sir; Fourteenth
National Bank. Shave you and cut your
eye teeth, too
A young man in Connecticut, having the
late railroad disasters in his mind, has bro.
ken his engagement With young lady be.
cause she wears a train and is negligent
about her switch.
A Western paper noticed the opening of
a new wbiskey shop, and the next day apol-
ogized for the brevity of its local columns,
because the reporter was ILL., He had as
sisted at the opening.
A Republican contemporary is sarcastic |
over the report that the Democrats 10 Sa.
vannab 'hold their meetings in front Of the
jail 1t is probably because the Republi-
cans hold theirs inside
My DEAR said husband to his wife,
I'm going to start coffee plantation
How'll you get the land ? 'Oh, there's no
trouble about that; l always have plenty
of coffee grounds in my cup.
A school teacher read, Let your loins be
girded, and your light burning and asked
the question, why are we commanded to
grid our loins?' One little shaver sang
out, ito keep your breeches on
Never. The following speech was made
by the winner Of a prize in a foot-race -
Gentlemen, I have won this cup by the
use of my legs; I trust I may never lose
the use of my legs by the use Of this cup
When Wemyss; the famous theatrical
manager, had out the business, and opened
instead large shop for the sale of patent
medicines, friend dryly remarked that he
would now, no doubt, be successful in ill.
ing both boxes and pit
A shrewish wife, quite sick, called to
her husband to come and sit by her bed.
side.
eThis is sad world, my DEAR said the
wife plaintively.
very conceded the man.
Were il not for leaving you, would
love to quit It,
"Oh, my DEAR eargerly responded the
fellow, .how can you think I would inter.
fere with your happiness. Go By nD
5ueansf