The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-10-12

Eve had some advantages that no other
married woman ever enjoyed, chief among
which was the fact that her husband could new
er lacerate her heart by telling chow his mother
used to cook"
The editor of the California Farmer says: :
In an experience of publishing an agricultural
paper about twenty years, we have never heard
a man who was a subscriber say at the end of
the year he had not got the worth of his mon
ey.
stockings which he has just darned, to a maid
en- lady, who contemptuously remarks Pretty
good for man darner-" Whereupon Squab-
bles reioins eyes, good enough for woman,
darn her."
"A couple of barristers engaged in case
were recently discussing the ISSUE "At all
events" said the younger and more enthusias-
tic eve have Justice on our side" To which
the older and warier counsel replied "Quite
true; but what we want is the chief justice on
our side"
- Cofins of the new artificial stone, which
hardens after being exposed to the air-war-
ranted close fit, air-tight and last forever
are the latest improvement. In case OF any
failure of these warrants, the occupants can OBJ
tain the return of their money by calling on
the patentee.
Some folks are prodigiously penitent over
other peoples sins, and seem to think they have
q special call to confess them before the whole
world. They will gouge their brothers eyes
out rather than to leave single mote in them
At the same time they are singularly blind res
pecting their own failings.
"My dear FRIEND" said gentleman to q
bankrupt, the other day, "I am sorry to hear of
your misfortune. Your family has my warm
est sympathies." ooh, don't trouble yourself
about my family, 1 look out for them, you bet !
Just save your sympathies for the families OF
my creditorsP
- 1t is a terrible thought to remember that
nothing can be forgotten. have somewhere
read, that not an oath is uttered that does not
yibrate through all time, in the wide-spreading
current of sound; not q prayer is lisped, that
its record is not to be found stamped on the
laws of nature by the indelible seal of the AL
mighty's will.-C6oper.
A friend of ours who was going down the
river, few days since, was amused by the re-
marks of deck-hand as the boat was passing
a sand bar on which q number of buzzards had
congregated "See dar at DAT Radical Conven-
ton :" and as white crane slowly winged his
fight towards the "bar," the old darkey faceti-
ously remarked: "See dat dam carpet-bagger
gwine to the convention to try and get an Of
fce."-Selnaa Times.
= A cotemporary does not put the case too
strongly when, in speaking of q class of COM
planners, it says: individuals often wonder
why they are not liked by their acquaintance,
why they arc sighted by their neighbors. Ten
to one it is because they are so selfshly en-
crossed in their real or imaginary trials that
they weary others with their presence" 1t is
the misfortune of some persons that they al
WAYS represent themselves to whomsoever IA
vors them with an audience as SO sadly and in
curably unhappy that no one will encounter
them a second time if he can avoid it,"
Am engineer on a Western railroad tells a
story of singular warning that he once re-
ceived while driving his engine. He was just
entering a deep cut when he seemed to hear
as plain as words could speak it, "Shut Off"
He looked around to sec if his fireman had spo-
ken to him, but as that individual was leaning
with his head out of the cab, it was evident he
had not. A second time, as plainly and dis
tinctively as before, he heard the warning voice
"Shut Off" Without further delay he at once
pushed the throttle valve clear in, and shut the
steam entirely off, OF course as the train was
going up rising ground, it at once Stacked its
spced and not moment too soon, for around
tic rocks was the rear end of a freight train
slowly toilinp up the grade