The weekly clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1863-1882, 1871-08-10
For the Clarion.


nd smoke his pipe in peace; consequently
Irs. Dumps, poor soul, had a very hard Tune.
But by unceasing labor, taking in plain
ewing and binding all the shoes for all the
makers in the village where she lived, she
managed to keep everything neat and tidy
around her, and the children from starving.
A Latin poet said the muses. nine, at early
morning, always smelt of wine; and there
has been considerable cavilling among learn
ed men whether they inhaled it or imbibed /
it; but Didymus was not one of the muses., |
and it is certain that he smelt it and tasted |
it all day. He preferred too, to do every |
thing in a peaceable, quiet manner; he
didn't like people who were forever working
and bustling about, so he regarded Mrs
Dumps as the plague of his life. The "boys
about town" annoyed him; often when he
became almost obIiVious of everything
around him, and felt a strong inclination TO
close his eyes on the troubles of the world,
and retire from its gaze to some quiet cor
ner or delapidated building like unto the
modern ruins of the Bowman House." to
take a siesta, they would shell corn over
him, which induced the swine to roll him
over in the dirt until they had eaten the last
grain. Once they blackened his face which
made him fright to behold, giving Mrs.
Dumps extra labor, and setting the children
to screaming that the ku Klux were after
them, have said that Didymus was not
one of the muses., but occasionally he thus
mnsed:
Mrs. Dumps-that woman is the torment
of my life: I've never seen her asleep, and
don't believe she ever sleeps, she is always
in motion from the time | rise in the MORN
ing until | 90 to bed at night. Then she
calls me Dumps, you lazy man, and frets
and complains because she has to do all the
work, and insinivates that drink too much
LIQUOR and do no work, because take few
drains, and how can a man work when he
gifts as weak in the knees, and as shaky as
am What does she work for? Didymus
Dumps don't tell her to work, not he. It's
true she makes all the money, and | do pur-
Fin a little to buy my grog and tobacco: :
but how can man live without his grog,
and I'll pay it back to her. Now I've fined
the Radicals, think L can get an office that
will bring me in plenty of money without
work, and then I'll snap my fingers ut Sary
Dumps and her little p.lt. Dumps must
keep his eyes open, and may be he can go
to the Legislator, or git to be mair of Sack
vile, or postmaster, some SIGH thing. 1
wish was Rip Van Wrinkle, or one of the
seven sleepers, and could slumber and be
away from Sara Dumps until that blessed
time shall arrive"
The world was growing dark to him; the
form of Mrs. Dumps sitting by the lamp
stitching, was receding from his view. He
had vision; his wish became a reality, and
he fell through this world into the regions
below. Curious was the spectacle presented
to his wondering sight He was not in the
abode of superior intelligences; every thing
! denoted confusion and disorder.
He saw thousands of hands gesticulating,
assembled around tables covered with cards
and empty glasses, and as many ears that
were forever assembling and hurrying hith-
err and thither; now and then he would see
a pair alone, pressed against keyhole or
| the crack of a door, but these were general
| ly colored. He was informed that on earth
they had done nothing but hear church mu-
sic and sermons, political speeches, and lee.
lures on various topics; they heard simply
had cultivated only the faculty of listening
so that they were nothing but ears. He OBJ
served many stomachs lying about content
edly, and was told that they were persons
who muZZled and guzzled at saloons and
gormandIZed at restaurants. He saw some
thing like inflated sacks and piles of hair OIL
them, some before looking glasses, and 9TH
ers moving about with painted faces, and
eyes rolling languidly to see if any one was
admiring them. These were the remains o.
taJr
He looked around for famous Radical ora
tor, who had promised to make him a rich
man, and discovered at place full of ears
a skeleton without a vestige of heart OF
brains, gesticulating vehemently with one
hand, while the other was inserted in some
thing that looked like somebody's pocket
it might have been his carpet-bag. By his
side stood second skeleton not unlike the
first, bobbing his empty head, clapping his
hands, and grinnlng at the ears. This he
was told, was ScGty- 1gdg who had gone
about on earth with the speaker to empha-
size and applaud. He looked around fol
some of his former companions, when what
to his wondering eyes should appear, but
group of mouths, some yawning, some with
stumps of segars and pipes, and others with
goblets applied to them, all empty.
Didymus wandered on, smelling no brim-
stone and feeling no flame; he became rest
less, and had glimpse of Mrs. Dumps sit
ting apart from the other groups, in fiesl
and blood, binding a shoe. He saw smoke
he smelt it, he swallowed it he grew hot
hotter; the sensation became unpleasant
unbearable; he was in the interior of the
lower regions, where the fires are kept; he
tried in vain to retrace his steps, and groan-
ed aloud in his anguish. ''Didymus! Didy-
mus." screamed Mrs. Dumps, miserable
bad man that you are, have you set the
house on fire? You couldn't be content
with smoking and drinking all day, but
must take your pipe to bed, and burn up al
my hard earnings. Wretched, unfortunate
shoe on which she was at work. and envel-
oped him in blanket, and succeeded in ex-
tinguishing the flames. Didymus was ex-
tinguished also, and the name of Dumps be-
came extinct, for his ''6oys tcere all gearls.
Alas, poor man! lie had smoked his last
smoke; he had swallowed his last flame and
he couldn't die in peace. He had glimpse
OF another world, and discovered that we
retain only those parts which we use mos
iDdustriously in this. Two days after. there
was funeral at Sackyille; and Mrs. Dumps
like a thankful woman as she was, thanked
God that she had saved her bed.