Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1871-11-22
H CHRONICLE.
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

hOAUhUDS IlEhOs
A moving scene-A game of chess.
Awater-spout-A teetotal speech.
A match game-Incendiarism.
The American Ham-burg-Ciu-
cinnati.
Acapital business-Lending money.
A " chest-proteetor IA good pad
lock.
A cowardly assault-To beat a re-
treat.
A welcome ship at any time
Friendship.
The worst of all the Fee-nians-
Lawyers.
Wool gatherings-Fights between
negroes.
The center Of gravity-A connie
song-bOok.
Political pedestrianism running
for Office.
ALegal Conve yanee-Tbe pr SON
To Mend Bad Sherry-Have a sher-
ry cobbler.
The Net to Catch a Wife with-A
cOroRet.
A bowl'd notwithstanding a
ten-strike.
A mint authority Tor he ought to
be)-Lamb.
The place for a ~picnie-The Sand
witch Islands.
The Republican majority in Iowa
was 1923.
The last cup ola frolic is generally
the hlccup.
A noisy piece Of erockery-The cup
that cheers.
Ought not a hermit to call his house
q man-shun?
When is a lawyer strongest? When
he is fee-blest.
A Stamp you can't Buy-The stamp
Of a gentleman.
Mansard roofs are said to be going
out of fashion.
The relic business is pronounced
brisk in Chicago,
Venison is quoTed in Wisconsin at
eighteen cents q pound,
Mixing in society-Taking your
grog with your friends.
There are nearly 100 Cinnamon re-
siding in New York.
Steps to knowledge-Those in front
Of the British Museum.
What sort Of ascent il a descent p
A trip up, for it brings you down.
Qusry-What is the circumference
Of the waste of time?
Edwin Booth is said to have acted
the part of Hamlet 1900 times.
The singer who brought down the
house refused to rebuild it.
What is the difference between a
drunkard's scruple and a dram?
The reason why they beat the drum
is because it called the harp a Tyre.
A good tonic for debiIitated Young
ladies-iron. A better tonie-ironing.
Injurious perfume to a beautiful wo-
man-The essence Of thyme.
You may find fashion in town, out
you meet with more stiles in the
country.
Which of the plaques of Egypt is
most like a hat darkness which
may be felt.
Is a lamp at any time in a bad
temper Yes; when it is put out.
Why are books your best friends ?
Because you can shut them up with
out offending them.
Eleven men in OberIin refused IN
vote for a man at a recent election
because he was a Mason.
The difference between the leader
Of the flock and a fog signal is. that
one is d bell-wether and the other is
a weat er-bell,
Can you tell me Of what race Of men
Napoleon BOnaparte was descended ?
OF course ] can (Corsican.) Well,
then, why don't you?
There is a dealof talk about English
reserve but what would Wellington
hSve done at Waterloo If il had not
been for his "re~server?
Ihree PenDsylvanians after read
ing about the war of 1872 went an d
thrashed an Englishman half to
death.-E1change.
CustOmer-"Do you call that a veal
outlet, waiter? Why it is an insult
10 every calf in the country" Waiter
- didn't mean to insult you, sir"
A Wisconsin man reported that he
couldn't find a word in the dictionary
because ''the blasted book hadn't got
an index"
One of our exchanges speaks of q
man who says he don't mind the
nakedness the trees have assumed,
although the corn is shocked.
Truth is immortal; the sword Fan
not pierce it, fire cannot consume It.
prisons cannot i~ncarcerate 1t, and
cannot starve it.
FLANNEL receptions" are now a
vogue 1t is where the young ladies
sew an hour for the poor and then
dance three for joy.
Some trouble has occurred in an
Illinois town by the discovery that a
Judge has for several months past
been swearing witnesses on a die
tionary.
A Vermont paper speaks Of a minis
ter who has resigned his ''pasturate."
His last sermon might have had for
its text, "Al flesh Is grass. "-BostoR