St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1871-09-01
III dIid UiS6Oh,.


troduccd TO IL cwly-married man, CON
graduated him warmly, and said ''Ah,
these Litchlield county girls make clever
wives; I've had three of EN-"
\ lul "r in Indiana threatened To- fine
a lawyer for contempt Of court. Il
haze expressed no contempt for the
court said the lawyer; con the con-
trary, have carefully concealed my feel
lngS.'
n Connecticut man has found sure
cure for the dcvastations of the currant
worm. lie sprinklcs his bushes with
whIskcy the worm becomes drunk, gets
to tnolin% around, and finally falls oil
and either breaks its neck outright. or
cripplci itself so that life becomes a bur
den.
Having heard that an infusion of TO
bacco is the best thing to eXtirpate the
potato bug, Illinois farmers are enter
tainin" their ncighbDr+ at chewing pic
MES in their fields.
y Yankee in England being annoyed
by the constant bGasting as to the sup
riority ot the English girls, finally silenc-
rl Iaulation by declaring that "they had
Il cal in Iioston only eleven years old
who could chew gum in seven different
languages with her eyes shut"
Jonathan and Paddy were riding TO-
g'thcr one day when they came in sight
of IN old gallowS. This suggested to
the American the idea of being witty ut
the expense Of his Irish companion.
"lou see that, | calculate" said he
''and now where would you be if the
gallOws had its due ~ "Riding alone"
coolly replied Paddy.
Wien Professor FELTON,, reading "a
Midsummer Nights Dream to the cap
tain OF the ship of which he was pas
Scnger, came to the description of Oberon
sitting on Il promontOry listening to Il
mermaid on dolphin's back, the sea-
man was disgustcd. ''Thc dolphin's
back" said he, sis as sharp as a razor,
and no mermaid could possibly ride the
beast unless she first saddled him -
a young man in Pittsfield, aged three
years and six months, whose youthful
mini has been lately absorbed in some
new occupants Of his fathers piggery,
astoni,hed the congregation at one of the
village churches, last Sunday, by rushing,
barelooted and ragged, through the open
door and shouting in tones loud enough
to be heard by the minister at the other
end OF the church, "Wherc's my papa ,"
When asked what lie wanted, he replied,
"Ihc pigs are out :"
General Craft, one of our prominent
lawyers, was hailed, while passing Free
mans .lewclry store, by the proprietor,
with, General, come in here a moment;
We have something for you to solve. 1t
4 man brings his watch to be fixed, and
it costs me ten cents to do it, and keep
1t week, and charge him six dollars,
what per cent. do | make We have
been figuring, and make it nine hundred
per cent, and have only got up to one
dollar. How much do you say it will
be ut six dollars -
"Wcll," replied the general, 81 do
not wonder at your perplexity for it is
well known, and the celebrated Rabbit
machine has demonstrated,
that ut certain points in progressive mum
bcrS the law governing them changes
In this case the law would change, and
long before it would reach the six dol
lars 1t would run out Of per cent. into
what Is known rs huccag r'-HulCfs
Ir0irtr.
Rev. Richard Newton, d. d., OF
Philadelphia, in lis recent speech at the
9Th anniversary of the American sun
lay School MON, said
"lhc love for children How much
there is in them TO cal! it forth
How much love in them, how much
freshness, how much artlc~s simplicity
and beautiful sympathy, and how much
orignalty-how much of ev-
'ry thing there is in them TO call out oar
very best and richest emotions
Some years AGO n little tive-year-old
boy in my church, after saying his even
n% prayers, asked, Mother, will father
70 10 heaven when he dies dis faith
r was largc man, with n great, huge
ramc) YES, ! hope hc will | do not
lnubt he Will. Why do you ask > 'Oh,
only wanted to know ; and for a time
he subject seemed to have faded from
he chid's mind. But it soon cropped
'ut again. Are you SHc, mother, that
athcr will 20 TO heaven when he dies p
Yes, my child, | do not doubt it why
10 you ask , The little fellow was 81
snt Il moment, and then burst out with,
Golly what II whopping angel he'll
make =
The recent racings ut jerome Park,
hc hurdIcjumping, the horse-tr;,ding,
nd the general talk thcrc-Which is OF
lie horse, horscy-rccalls a conversation
4 gentleman who desired to pur-
ha>c Il horse and an Irish dealer
Buyer. "IIaNc you got fast horse
D show me ~
Seller. That | have, sir
Buyer docking at a horse brought out
II inspection.) is he a good hunter ~
Seller, ''I5 it hunter, sir? Why,
hen, sr, I'll be open with ye Hes
ravinS 'oss, but he's what | call flip
ant leppcr leaperl | might say he's
ne most mhtchHe-lcpt 'oss in the South
t Ireland
Buyer, SIS he a good hack -
Seller. 'Is it a hack you manc, sir
Veil, sir, I'll be fair with yc. lie could
OF, conveniently TO himself, trot under
IXteen miles the hour"
Buyer. ''And whereabouts is the
cure ~
Seller ''IS IT the iinurc. sir ? Then