Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1871-02-09
THE DEAF AUNT AND WIFE.


| had an aunt coming on 10 visit m
for the first time since my marriage. ans
l don't know what evil genius promptes
the wickedness which I perpetrsted to
wards my wife and ancient relation Z
my dear said I to my wife on III,
day before my aunt's arrival, "you, know
aunt Mary is coming tomorrow; well.
forgot to mention rather annoying cir.
eumstanee with regard to her. She Is very
deaf; and althtmgh she can hear my voice
to which she Is accustomed. in its crdina-
rs tones. yet yos viii be obliged to speak
extremely loud in order to be heard. I,
will be rather inconvenient. but I know
you will do everything in your power tc
make her stay agreeable"
Mrs announced her determination
to make herself heard If in her power.
then went to John N. who loves
a joke about as well as any person | know
Of, and told him to be at the house at c
p. m, the following evening, and l felt
comparatively happy. =. 5Tfr
went to the railroad depot with car.
riage next night aad when was on ny
way home with my aunt, said:
"Ny dear aunt, there is one rather an.
noying infrmity that Annie. (my wife)
has. which I forgot to mention before. -
She is very deaf. and although she can
hear my voice. to which she is accustom-
ed, in its ordinary tones. vet you will be
Obliged to speak extremely loud in order
70 be heard. l am very sorry for it,"
Aunt Mary in the goodness of her heart
protested that she rather liked speaking
loud, and to do so would afford her great
pleasure l
The carriage drove upon the steps
was my wife-in the window was John
N, with a face rs utterly solemn as
if he had buried his relative that after
noon.
al am delighted to see you." shricked
my wife--and the policeman on the oppo-
site sidewalk started, and my aunt nearly
fell down the steps.
kiss me my dear" bawled my aunt,
and the windows shook as with the fever
and ague. looked at the window
John had disappeared. Human nature
could endure it 70 longer. poked mr.
head into the carriage and went into strong
convulsions
When entered the parlor, my wife was
helping aunt Mary to take of her hat and
cape; and there sat John with his face
buried in his handkerchief.
Sudjenly-"Did you have pleasant
journey ?" went of my wife like pistol
and John nearly jumped to his feet.
Rather dusty" was the response in a
war whoop, and the conversation contin-
ued
The ncighbors for blocks around must
have heard it. when I was in the third
story Of the building heard every word
In the course Of the evening my aunt
took occasion to say to me:
How loud your wife talks?"
/ told her deaf persons talked loudly and
that my wife being used to it. was not af-
fected by the exertion. and that she was
getting along very nicely with her.
Presently my wife said softly:
"Alf, how very loud your amt talks?''
"Yes." said I. "all deaf persons do
You are getting along with her finely
she hears every word you say" And |
rather think she did.
Elated at their success at being under
stood, they went at it hammer and tongs,
till everything upon the mantle-piece clat-
tered again and was seriously afraid of a
crowd collecting in front of the house
But the end was near. My aunt be-
ing of an investigating turn Of mind, was
desirous of finding out whether the excr-
ton of talking was injurious to my wife.
So
Doesn't talking so loud strain your
lungs?" said she in an uuearthly whoor
for her voice was not so musical as it was
when she was young.
1T is an exer.ion." shviekcd my wife.
Then why do you do it p was the an
swering scream.
Because because-you can't hear il
I don't" squealed my wife.
"What. :" said my aunt, fairly rivaling
railroad whistle ut the time.
began to think it time to evacuate the
premises and looking around and seeing
John gone, I stepped into the back par
lor. and there he lay fat on his back, with
his feet at right angles with his body. rol.
ling from side to side. with his fist poked
into his ribs. and most agonizcd express
sion of countenance but not uttcring q
sound. Immediately and involuntarily
assumed similar attitude. and I think
from the relative position OF feet and
heads, and our attempts to restrain our
laughter. apoplexy must inevitably have
ensued. If horrible groan which John
gave vent to in his endeavor to suppress
his risibility had not betrayed our hiding
place.
In rushed my wife and aunt. who by
this time echprehended the joke. and such
a scclding as l then got i never got be-
= l.