White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1871-08-17
An AMERICAN BATTLE OF DORKING.
The Awful Doinss OF President Horace Gree
ley.
by MAX ADELER.

by MAX ADELER-
The following is supposed to have been written
in 1892 by Max Adeler, who was witness of the
terrible scenes which occurred at the time of
which the story tells. The English satire, "The
Battle of Dorking," supplied the suggestion for
this prophetic tale:
THE CONQUEST OF AMERICA
You ask me to tell You, my children, of the
events which Immediately preceded the destruc-
ton of the once great American Union, and the
capture of the country by its present European
rulers and to say something also Ofthe cause which
led to these deplorable results. l undertake the
task with a heavy heart, for when revert to
that terrible time 1 can not help contrasting our
proud condition up to that fatal year with the hui
initiating position occupied now by the American
people. The story lisa shortone. In the fall 1S72,
Horace Greeley the editor of newspaper in New
York, was elected President of the United States.
The people voted for him because they thought
he was an honest man. And so he was. But he
was also vain and weak, and he entertained GER
tain fanatical and PrepOsterous notions-about
agricultural matters for instance-which he was
determined to force upon the people at all haZ-
ards, and despite all opposition. He believed,
among other things, that every man ought to go
to the West to earn his bread, and long before he
was chosen President he used to advise everybody
to move to that region a cure for all the dsas-
tiers that could befall the human family.
As soon as he reached the Executive Mansion,
which we used to call the White House. President
Greeley organized an army of two hundred thOus-
and men, and proceeded tn force the entire pOpu-
latOn of the seabOri States westward at the point
of the bayonet. The utmost violence was used.
Those who resisted were shot down. and their dead
bodies were carted off to national factory which
the President had established for making some
kind of fantastical fertilizer All the large cities
of the East We're depOpulated, and the towns were
entirely empty. The army swept before it mil
lions of men, women and children, until the vast
plains west of Kansas We're reached, when the
pursuit ceased, and the army was drawn up in q
continuous line. with Orlers to shoot any person
who attempted'tO visit the East. Of course hun
dreds of thousands of these poor creatures per-
ished from starvation. This seemed to brighten
President Greeley, and he sent a message to Con-
gress, recommending that seven hundred Thousand
volumes of a book of his entitled "What Know
About Farming. should be voted for the relief of
the starving sufferers. This done, and far
ming implements and seeds Were supplied and
then the millions of wretched outcasts made an
effort to till the ground. OF the result of this /
will speak further on.
In the meantime the President was doing inf
mite harm to the country i'm another way. His
handwriting was fearfnlly and wonderfully
bad that no living man could read it. And so.
when he sent his first annual message to Congress
the document was devoted wholly to the tariff
and agriculture-a sentence appeared which sub
sequently was ascertained Ia he Large cultiva-
ton of rutabagas and beans is the only hope of
the American nation, am sure" The printers
lowing form, in which it went to the world: "Thc
Car of Russia couldn't keep clean if he washed
himself in the whole of the Atlantic q
dayw This perversion Of the message was ini-
medately telegraphed to Russia by the Russian
minister, and the Car WAS so indignant that he |
declared war. just at this time
President Greeley undertook to write some letters
to Prince Bismarck upon the subject of potato |
rot, and after giving his singular views at great
length, he concluded with the statement that if |
hal <1,,xa
was not good in light soils, or that guano was |
better than bone dust, he was Liar, villain |
and a slaver' OF course the Emperor immedi- |
ately declared war, and became an ally of Russia |
and of England, against which latter country Mr..
Greeley had actually begun hOstiities already be-
,alse the Queen, in her speech from the throne,
had declared the Tribune's advocacy of tariff on
pig iron incendiary, and calculated to disturb the
peace of nations. Unhappy this was not the
ull measure of our disasters The President had |
'ent to the Emperor of Austria copy of his book
What Know" etc., with his autograph upon a
ty-leaf. The Emperor mistook the signature for
caricature Of the Austrian eagle, and he readily
oined i'm the war against the Upifed States; while
rance was provoked to the same act, by the fact |
hat when the Frecnh Minister came to call upon Mr.
sreeley, to present his credentials. the President
Who was writing an editorial ut the same time
lOt cOmprehending the French language, mist0ok
he ambassador for beggar, and without looking
p handed him quarter and an order for a clean
hirt, and said to him, $50 West young mango
vestw So all the nations Joined in making war
pom the United States They swOOpes down
pom our coasts and landed without OPPOSITION for
hose exposed portions of our unhappy country
Tere absolutely deserted. The President was
fraid to call away the army from Kansas ut first
,r fear the outraged people upon the plains would
ONE East in spite of him. But Mt last, he did {
ummon the army to his aid and it moved to
leet the enemy. 1t was too late. Before the ,
rooPs reached Cincinnati the foreigners had seized
Vashington and all the country east of the Ohio.
nd had hung the President, the cabinet, and
very member of Congress-. The army disban,iet j
alarm, and the invaders moved to the far West
here they found the population dying of starva- I
on, because they had followed the advice of s
reeleys book to "Try, for your first crop, to a
lise lines; and don't plant more than bishel I
quicklime in hill. OF course these wretched {
eople were at the mercy of the enemy who to ]
is credit be it said, treated them kindly, fed them
nd brought them back to their old homes. You Il
now what followed-how Prince Fretlrick Will I
am Of Prussia assembled the American throne, aud I
re other humiliatiOns that ensued. 1t was n b
arfnl blow to republicanism-ab blow from which
will never recover. 1t made us, who were
eemen. a nation of slaves. 1t was all the result
our blind confidence in a misguided old man !,
no Thought himself philosopher, but who was =
finally a fool. May heaven preserve You, my !
lildren. from the remorse feel when reneiri- =
r that voted for that bucolic old editor. n
Valuable Suggestions.
The following valuable suycesfions firm, .xner | az