Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1871-06-20
VARIETY.

AAASAh l.
They have a curious vernaeular way
down IN the old North State, as tho upper
Carolina is Familiarity called. 4 distinguished
legal gentleman from that vicinity once told
story concerning 4 witness whom he was ex-
aiming in country circuit. He had asked
how certain fight commenced, and the Wit
ness was requested to state the exact particu-
lars, he having been an observer OF the Affair."
We'll, your honor" said he, This is the
way it WaS:-Pete was standing by the horse
shed, and you see Jim comes right up. shucks
himself. stacks his rags, and pitches into his
eombustibles"
Now, isn't that graphic description of a
fight! On another Of his circuits he met
with q very precious witness, who made nice
distinction on the score of lying. The ques-
tiOn was to the Varacity of another witness,
and he was asked if the other was a notorious
liar.
why" said he rolling an immense quid of
tobacco in his mouth, not exactly so bat he
Is what call an intermittent lar"
"A story is told of an editor who died,
went to heaven, but was denied admitIancC
least he would meet some delinquent subscri>
bers, and bad feelings be engendered in that
peaceful cline. Having to go somewhere,
the Editor next appeared in the regions of
darkness, but was POsitively-refused admit
taBcc, aj the place vas full of delinduent sub.
scribers. Yearly the Editor turned back to
the Celestial city, was met by the watchmau
at the portals with 4 smile, who said IL was
mistaken, you can enter, there is not 4 deIiu-
quent subscriber III Heaven"
DINNER HoRX."-JOshua Billings dis
courses thereon: Dinner uOrn"-This IL
the oldest aud most sakred horn there IL. 1t
Is set tew musk, and plays ''uome, Sweet
Home" about noon. 1t has been listened tew
with more rapturouS delight then even Graf,
falls band haz. Yu kan hear it further than
yu kan one Uy Mr.. ROdman's guns. 1t will
arrest man and bring him in quicker than a
sheriff warrant. 1t ken ouIfOot eny other
nOize. 1t kauzes the deaf to hear, aud the
dun to shout for joy. Glorious old ins;ru-
ment! long may yure lungs last!
- Au ill-natured contemporary says that
Pennsylvania should shake in her shoes at the
news Of the discovery OF coal in Rhode IsI-
and for. should the same prove midiIing
thick, aud uuderlie the whole State, the pro,
duce would be as much as seven bushels.
-"Youns man." said a minister to a
youth of his congregation, do you know
what relations you sustain in the world -
Eyes, sir; two cousins and a grandmother
but don't intend to sustain them mush long.
er"
- \ disappointed candidate for Office was
talking of men who would sell their votes.
when Mrs. Darlington observed, with a sigh,
"Ah, they are as base 4E,op of old. who
sold his birthright for mess of potash"
"A country paper, speaking of the street
organ playing Of u soldier without arms, who
worked the crank with his foot, happily saws:
Ills playing was lar above the usual average;
he threw his whole sole into it.
What is the difference between the Ger.
man war song aud the money my uncle lends
me while he takes care of my watch? Ones
the Watch on the Rhine" and the others
the RhinO on the Watch.
"A Western editor, who doesn't know
much about farming any way, suggests that
for garden making, 4 cast iron back, with 4
hinge in it, would be au improvement on the
spinal column now III use.
"A rich farmer refused to subscribe for
an iron fence for 4 cemetery in Vermont. on
the plea that it needed no fence, as those in
side cannot get out, aad those who are out do
not want to get in.
Some Of the country papers out West
are publishing the Treaty of Washington as a
serial. Just as the rural reader gets to the
thrilling part he has to break of and wait
until next week.
The snail has a right smart chance for the
toothache. lie has one hundred and ten rows
Ofteeth. with one hundred and eleven on each
row. or twelve thousand, two hundred and ten
teeth in all.
Out in Iowa, fishing parties of thirty or
forty couples take along brass band to play
on one side Of the stream aud drive the fish
to the hooks on the other.
A current maxim in Arabian literature
says that paradise is as much for him who
has rightly used the pen, as for him who has
fallen by the sword"
"A Western editor. in response to sub
scriber, who grumbIes that his paper was in
tOlerably damp, says that is because there is
so much due On it.
-Wheuever preacher has preached
sermon that pleases the whole congregation,
he probably has preached one that the Lord
won't endorse.
An Illinois widOwer has been tarred and
feathered for playing croquet, to while away
the tedious interval, between his Wits death
and burial.
When Rowland Hill gave a present of
sovereign all round TO his children. some one
said "He tipped the little Hills with gold"
,-lfa hair of dog is good for his bite,
that explains why sulphur. which comes from
EesuVlus' is good for eruptions.
The daily paper printed in Wild Ca.
Evening "Caterwaul.'
1t has TaiDed so hard at Milwaukee for
L.. IL.