Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1871-06-15
"GRIS."
Minor Disagreeables.
BY OUR FAT CONTRIBUTOR.

man who, in conversation, is continually
inte-rupting you with Certainly" "Ex
actly," Il understand. He anticipates
or attempts to, all you are about to say
He says L understand" when you are
satisfied be don't understand anything
about it. He repeats Exactly" when
there is no exactness to speak of, and ex.
claims Certainly" when the matter in
hand is surrounded by the greatest posi-
bic amount of uncertainty. You open q
conversation with him as follows: &
my dear sir, do you Remember
Certainly" ,..- .-.. .,.....
"When-, -s
Il understand"
You" -.-
. Exactly exactly. SIR"
And still the man hasn't the remotest
idea what you are driving at, or to what
particular circumstances you desire to
draw his attention. Sometimes he as
sumes avery knowing look, that carries
fraud on the face of it, and then again,
while exclaiming Il understsnd'' in the
countenance is as expressionless as a mud
ball, or alive with bewildering inquiry.
Every reader of this article knows a
man who says Eggs actly" to almost eve
ry proposition, with particular emphasis
on the eggs. Like as not a good many of
the said readers are committed to the
same habit. if they only knew it.
once met a lady in Western town
who Processes to lead the ton. who says
''Certingly" She is norvously particular
about her pronunciation, and it would
mortify her almost to death if she should
be caugh. saying ''Cer'nly," rs vulgar and
uneducated people do.
Then there is the man who. in relating
u circumstance or making proposition,
punches you in the ribs or thumps you on
the breast, with the remark, Don't you
understand = He Guscn't mean any
thing BY it. Like as not you have said
Certainly" and "Eggs-actly." ''Jes' ST" 4"
SO many times yourself during the recital
any fool might know you understood all
about it. Yet he keeps up his humping
as though he would drive the matter into
you by sheer force, and cxclaims, Don't
you understand? z" with tone that might
imply he considered you an cdiot if you
didn't.
Very few people can tell story with
out throwing in You know occasionally.
Many employ the term two or three times
i'll every sentence 1t is very disagreed
bic, you know, to be compelled. you know
to hear man telling story, you know
that consists more of you knows, you know
than anything else, you know. We'll you
know how it is yourself
What makes Il barber always enquire,
Docs the razor hurt you!" lie knows
very well whether it does or not. He is a
better Judge of sharp razor than you are
anyhow. And who ever heard nfan re-
ply that the razor did hurt him? Don't
you always say. oh, no that's all right p
You are momentarily fattcred by the tone
of kind solicitude with which the barber
asks the question, and pleased with the
consideration he shows for your feelings,
and yo1 wouldn't tell him his razor was
dull if it was nearly pulling your beard
cut by the roots.
have myself assured barber his razor
was all right. with tears of anguia! wash
ing away the latler OH nay checks. l
couldn't bear to hurt the feelings of a bar
Der who could enquire in such tender,
anxious tones, Docs dc rasah hurt you,
sab 20
l am satisfied the barber who started
the thing did it to cover up the atrocities
of dull razor. Other BARRIERS copied it,
for they are an initiative race, and the
custom has become general, as all eusto-
mers know.
1 once saw surly old fellow hand a
barber All extra half dollar, after under
going tonsorial operation, with the re-
mark, ''Thcre, I'll make you present of
that. You are the first barber who ever
shaved me without asking if the razor
hurt"
The first thing young man learns
when he begins to ''clerk it" in store is
to inquire, Anything elseY' and it is
generally the last thing he forgets. There
is a story of a defunct dry goods clerk
who, after the funeral services were over
and the undertaken had put the final
screw in the lid of his coffin, preparatory
to interment, was heard to say, in faint
and muffied tones, Anything else? Z" A
most remarkable illustration of ruling
passion strong in death.
1t is little thing to be annoyed by, to
be sure but | always make precipitate
flight from store after making purchase
in order to avoid that inevitable ANY
thing else Z" Somehow there is all i'm
piled imputation in it that you are not
really sure what you came there for, and
that you don't know when your business
is concluded. The man looks at you with
an expression which seems to say, ."Arc
you sure you have got all you wanted p
Think, now haven't you forgotten somc-
thing you came purposely for!''
1t isn't fattering to ones common sense !;
and we have sometimes wondered if it ey-
er secured any additional sales. But all
trades and professions have their set phra-
ses and stereotyped expressions, L sup
pose, and the salesman is doubtless en-
titled to his.
When people invariably find themselves
al - INbor tba.. not tnarrio1