The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1871-10-06

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oring matter, as cochineal, madden, in
digo, or lampblack, according to the
hue of eilk which you want to rear.
Food makes blood, blood makes life,
and how can Q merino sheep produce
wool without life how have life with
out food?
WHAT ARE WoaEs
but food?' Sir, I was convinced Of the
correctness of these views held by this
slovenIy sconndrel. went 90 Summit,
and to sum it up locked those devo-
ted sheep up in a barn, gave them two
hundred pecks of silkworns which cost
me $50 peck, and went away for q
drive with Charley Farwell, my old
friend, telling my farmer not to let the
sheep out on any account. Political
matters kept my mind SO occupied for
several days that I forgot all about the
sheep, until yesterday, when what
had done flashed across my mind. l
mounted my horse and spurred him
like the wind, to my farm, but was
too late. When got there the cup
board was bare. I'll be id, sir, if the
sheep hadn't all died, and the worms
had kept them company, and ] was $47,-
900 out on the transaction. Dbl of q
lot the venerable murderer konws
about farmingl Farm the DEVILS
grandmother
Here Mr.. Wentworth paused. over
come by his emotions, and it was some
time ere he could proceed in broken
voice, as follows:
'-Misfortune, d-n IL, never como
singly. He had
BLIGHTED my MUTTON CROP,
now he went for my unoffending root
crops. had field of botatoes-Hog
eyed Early Russets; there were nine
hundred acres of them, producing 40
bushels to the acre, worth S117,O0O.
said that peDsiye old horse-thief to me,
John, we do not give our growing
crops enough sunshine. Sunshine and
air will be more effectual and less expen
siVe than manure. Take my advice,
and dig up all your potatoes and plant
them with the tops down. That's what
we call crop-dressing. Now, the pota-
toes being exposed to the beneficial in
fiuences of sun and wind will fatten
earlier than by the old way. Besides,
you can gather them more easily than
ifyou had to dig the mout of the ground,
always remembering to leave one po-
tat o in each hill as nest egg Well,
sir, I followed his advice implicitly. OF
course, the crop is ruined; but, never
mind, never mind"
riences, Mr.. Wentworth, but"
fBut the half of it has not been told,
my dear sir. / do not wish to infiict
my grievances upon you.
THE FIENDIsH NIsCREANT
induced me, under fraudulent preten-
ses, to buy steam plOw, and the throt-
tle-valve got out of order, and although
my plowman told it to whoa, to gee
20 ho~ n Il N
through the conservator, went in the
bay-window, plowed a furrow two
feet deep through the floor, and issued
through the wall at the rear. The dri-
yer was killed and the house knocked
down, and the Internal thing ran into
the school house at Summit, and explo-
ded there. The sexton has been at
work night and day getting up stock
of pony graves but never mind, never
mind. The end of it all, to make long
story short, is that am a ruined man"
'But, Mr.. Wentworth, the great and
good Greedy is man of warm heart
and charitable impulses. Knowing
himself to be the innocent cause of
come to your assistance, and you may
be happy yet"
Mr.. Winthrop smiled bitter smile
and handed our reporter an open tele-
gram, which reads as follows:
"OsHKosH, Wis, Sept. IA, 1871.
"Long John Winthrop. Chicago:
"D-n you, take an eight cylinder
press and go west. You don't pillow deep
enough. Get few more wives"
(Sig) "HoRACE GRIZZLY"
Our reporter read and copied the
telegram; then amiably punching Mr..
Wentworth
IN THE RIBS
with his pencil, said:
"What do you think of Mr.. Greeley's
chances for the Presidency"
T'Greeley for the Presidency The
devil for the Presidency! Greeley Pres
ident; the tow-headed, chuckle-pated,
incoming, free-loVing, protectionist, son
ded, slovenly cross between a yam and
a cylinder pressi Never, by the great
jumping ten-toed Jehosaphat, if have
KILL HIM MYSELF
I'll bolt and run on the independent
| ticket if they do. Greeley-Oh by all
the angle-worms in a compost heap,
this is too much. Here he rang the
bell violently.l Greelv, the mulching
muddlc-head of Chappaqua, Ill-[here
| the bell-boy entered. Pistols, pistols,
at once, and hot: do you hear?"
The boy answered, 'tPistols, sir? Yes,
sir" and withdrew.
Our reporter, gathering from Mr..
Wentworth's casual hints that he had
nothing further to communicate, polite
ly but firmly got out of the window, and
went down an awning post. He wish
es some one would bring him out his
hat, which he Inadvertently left behind