St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1871-02-03

"lots of hens were standing round doing
nothing"
, An Illinois postmaster gives notice as
, follows: "Aiter this date, every body
!. must lick their own postage-stamps, for
my tongues give out"
A man out West who offered bail for
friend was asked by the Judge if he
llaa any cncumbrancc on his farm
oh yes, said he, "my old woman. s"
A Massachusetts man objected to
having the pegs cut from his sons new
ly-bouSht shoes, because the boy would
run all over town and wear them ont in
three weeks.
A Chnaman who had his nose cut off
during little alteration in San Francis
co, had it carefully packed and sent
back home TO show his friends one of the
American customs.
A Connecticut ruralist. whose load of
hay was found to develop several healthy
boul'lers, remembered that he ''druv
putty clus TO a stun WALL" on his way to
market.
A young man at La Crosse, Wis,
looked through the key-hole of a girls
bedroom, and ever since the doctors
have been trying to get a knitting-necdle
out OF the place where his eye used to be.
Take away my first letter, l remain
unchanged take away my second letter
there Is no apparent alteration in me
take away all my letters, and | still con-
linue unaltcred. The postman
A charming young lady of Council
Bluffs surprised her mother, on returning
from dance, by saying that she enjoyed
the ''hugging set TO music amazingly"
She referred to waltzing
a melting sermon being preached in
country church, all wept except one
man, who, being asked why he did not
weep with the rest, "Oh." said he, 81
belong to another church,
a gentleman at Fremont, Ohio, had
4 reception at his house the other eve
ming, and when the guests went away,
it took the host all night to wash the
tar and pick the feathers off his person
A gentleman travelling on steamer,
one day, at dinner was making away
with a large pudding close by, when lie
was told by the servant, that it was de-
sert. alt matters not 10 me- said he,
Il would eat it if it were Wilderness
''Bachclors," says Josh Billings, care
always a braggin' of their freedoml
Freedom TO darn their own stockings
and poultice their own shins | had
rather be a widower once in two years
regular, than TO be a grunting, old, hair
dyed bachelor only ninely-nine days"
a stranger spent much time the other
day in looking for his lost pocket book,
and i'll the twilight hour found it in his
coat-tail pocket. lie had followed too
literally st. Paul advice in forgetting
those things which are behind '-FIee
Press
'Now, my boy" said the committee
man, ''lf had mnce pie and should
give two twelfths of it to John, two
twclths TO Isaac, two twellths TO Harry,
and should take half the pie myself, what
would there be left? Speak up loud, 50
that all can hear you" ''The plate :"
shouted the boy.
''John," said a poverty stricken man
TO his son, give made my will TO day"
"Ah T. replied John, you were liberal to
me, no doubt" "Ies, John, | came
down handsome. Eve wilIed you the
whole State of Nirginia-to make a liv-
ing in, with the privilege of going else
where il you can ID better"
A ''Pcrsonar' in New-York daily,
week ago, stated that eff John Smith,
formerly Of Philadelphia, will call at
Nu.-l'lank street, he will hear some
thing 10 his advantage" John called.
There were about 2jO of him-and he
has been calling ut the rate of forty-sev-
en- Il day ever since the personal" ap-
peared
Candidates for government offices in
England are examined upon various
literary topics. Lately, one Of them, by
4 slip of the pen, wrote "Venice" in one
of his papers ''Do you know, sir, that
there is but one hen in Ncnnice ?" asked
the indignant examiner. "Then eggs
must be very scarce there" was the re-
ply.
A stranger was riding about town the
other day, taking Il view OF Hartford.
Passing over College Hill, on the west
side of the park, he noticed the fine
bronze statue of the late Bishop Brown
ell, and inquired of the driver: "Who
is that Z" 81 dunno,' was the reply;
some o them brass insurance men,
s'pose."
Young men who go to sec young Ia
dies have adopted a novel method OF OBJ
tanning kisses. They assert, on the au-
tIlority of scientific writers, that the
concussion produced by a kiss will cause
the flame of a gas-Jct to flicker, and easl-
" induce the damscl to experiment in
the interest of science. The first kiss or
two the parties watch the flame to see it
flicker, but soon become 50 interested in
the experiments rs TO let it flicker if it
wants TO.
a clergyman was once endcayoring 10
get Il subscription in aid OF some charlta-
BILE institution out Of Il clUse-fistcd par
ishoner, who attempted to excuse him
self on the ground that he already owed
great deal of money. "But," said the
minister, "you owe God larger debt
than you do any one else" That IS
so, parson but then lie ant pushing
me, like the balance of my creditors"
"You cant stand there" said watch