The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-03-28
Il U N oRoUs ITEMS

master by the following translation -
var, man; gin, trap. Virgin, a
man trap.
RelS" a Florida jury trying a case of
larceny against a negro woman, brought
a verdict that, We, the jury, find the
prisoner not guilty, but believe he stole
the goods"
BsE5" " Is it wrong to cheat lawyer 2"
was recently very ably discussed by de-
batting society. The conclusion arrived
at was that it was not wrong but impossi-
BILE.
p9g~ A bigamist's lawyer, in response
to question from the judge, as to how
many wives his client had, said, "We
have thus far counted up only thirteen,
but there are yet twenty-nine states to
hear from"
Reiy@ A servant girl who was employed
to pickle her masters cabbage, took the
opportunity to cabbage the masters pick
le. She is the same woman who was hap
py and careless when she was young, and
cappy and hairless when she was old.
RSg- A man in Yorkshire, while col
lection was being made to aid the hea-
then, pocketed all the money in the plate
When asked to explain his conduct, he
replied that he was the greatest heather
in that part of the country.
Say- The other day, while the Legisla-
tive Committee were walking through the
Lunatic Hospital of Rhode Island, one
of the female patients, after looking curl
ously at the group, said, "Well, | declare
if there amt the animals from Noah's
Ark"
Ds6~ A young lady at indianapolis was
endeavoring to impress upon the minds of
her Sunday-school scholars the sin and
terrible punishment of Nebuchadnezzar
and when she said that for seven years
he ate grass like COW, she was astonish-
ed by a little girl who askedl: Did he
give milk ?"
bay" A rogue going to be hanged beg
ged as personal favor that the rope be
tied under his arms, instead of around
his neck. "What an absurd request"
said the executioner. Not at ALL" re-
piled the criminal, I" for | am so ticklish
in the throat that if you tie the rope
there | shall be sure to die with laugh
ter p
BG5~ Said an American to an Irishman,
" My ancestors came from Ireland, my
name is Bryant-did you ever know any
people of that name in ireland 7" 40,
yes, great many of them" "Well,
what sort of people were they? Pretty
high strung, were they not?" go, I've
seen great many of them strung SO
high that their feet did not touch the
ground"
Dag~ An eccentric minister, in large
parish, had seventeen couples to marry at
once in grand common service at the
church, In the course of the weddings,
he asked one of the men to pledge him
self to the wrong woman. The man nat
urally protested, but was told, "Hold
your tongue, l will marry you all now,
and here you can sort yourselves going
home"
DS~ Customer" Waiter, do you call
this butter toast why, there's no butter
to be seen !" Waiter" Butter all gone
into the toast, SIR" Customer" But
there's no toast to speak Of" Waiter
"Toast all gone into the butter, SIR
Customer-"Ah ha there's new idea
in that, by Jove I'll go straight home
and write pamphlet upon the new theo-
ry of mutual absorption"
Bas- am so glad to find you BETTER"
said the famous surgeon, John Hunter, to
Foote, the actor. You have followed
my prescription, of course"
Indeed did not, doctor, for l should
have broken my neck"
Broken your neck p exclaimed Hun.
ter; " how is that ?"
eyes, said Foote," for threw your
prescription out of three-story window"
BG- The other day, one of the boys,
thinking to have little fun out Of a
wilted Irishman, said:
Rowley, have you heard the news p
"No; what news~
"Why the devil is dead"
Not a word said Rowley, but putting
his hand in his pocket and taking out
ten cent shin plaster, handed it to his
questioner, who asked him what it was
for.
"Why," answered Rowley, "in the
ould country, where 1 came from, it is the
custom to give the children something
when their parents die"