South-eastern Independent. (McConnelsville, Ohio) 1871-1871, 1871-05-26
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A MAIDEN SPEEcH-Ask papa.
OUPID-ITY-MarrYing for money.

OOfID-Irf-Marrylng Tor money.
WML-FUL MEN-Judges of Probate.
A TINE TO RUN-When you are in
hurry.
A JOINT AFFAIR WITH BUT A SINGL
PARTY TO IT-Rheumatism.
THE Washington Life avoids the fault
of bothmutual aud stock companies.
IT is only ugly men whom women tel
they can't bear handsome ones.
A BOY who undertook to ride horse
radish is now practicing on a saddle o
mutton.
THE Directors of the Mutual Life, O
Chicago, are among Ike best men in tn
Northwest.
| A BILL giving married women thei
separate earnings has been passed by tn,
Pennsylvania Legislature.
THE greatest "pain annihilator" " is saiC
to be boy who has smashed 1000 win
dows this year.
A HORSE that trots a mile to sulky il
2 :15 is exciting San Francisco. The ami
NAL was rescued from 6. butchers cart
Ex-Governor Stanford has paid $3,90(
for him.
A STUDENT at Yale startled the class al
recitation the other day. "What star
never sctS" asked the professor, and
Roo-starsr' was his prompt reply, sgI
COce.
"SHoT through the heart" is a common
expression, yet out of 81, ,822 cases of gun
shot wounds reported during the late war,
it is said that in only four cases the bullet
wounded the heart.
A CALIFORNIAN has offered premiums
to the amount of twenty dollars, to be
divided to the five girls, under fifteen years
of age, who can cut and make the five
best calico dresses to be exhibited at the
next State Fair.
A VENERABLE joke in a new dress:
"What return,n Justice cries,
upon that writ for Smiths arrestl''
The ready clerk at once replies,
"'T Tis written on the writ non est"
Non est, indeedi Imagine If you can,
Joe Smiths surprise when called an 'onest manI~
A NEW YORK man having become the
victim of an execution for one hundred
and fifty dollars eleven years ago, had to
give bail not to go beyond the limits, and
ever since has managed to content himself
in the city.
Two honest and obstinate Lewis County,
N. Y, farmers have a lawsuit about a
patch of land, worth perhaps ten dollars,
which has lately been tried for the fifth
time. The fees and costs incurred thus
far amount to several thousand dollars.
G. A. TRENCH, at Light street, Colum-
bia County, Pa, has built an office entirely
of paper. The paper was manufactured
in his mill expressly for the house, and is
a heavy MANILA. The roof and siding,
inside and outside, is paper, and the only
wood in the structure is the floor, doors
and windows. The house is an expert
ment.
THE New York Mail tells the following
suggestive story, for the edifcation of
young ladies addicted to the free distribu-
ton of their pictures: "a short time ago,
a very strict young lady in society gave
her photograph to devoted admirer for
his locket. Two days afterward her
brother found it on the floor of billiard
saloon, decorated with pair of mustaches
and an immense cigar, artistically done
with pin"
In Vermont the ratio of annual
divorces foots up for seven years a
total of 730 divorces to 1910 mar
riages, or a ratio of 1 to 81. In
Massachusetts,, for period of four years,
there was total of 1,022 divorces to As
372 marriages, ratio of 1 to "A. In Ohio,
in 1866, the divorces were 1,169; mar
riages 30,479, or a ratio of to 81. In
Connecticut, in period of eight years,
the divorces foot up 1910; marriages 33,
227, ratio Of to II.
A WESTERN lady writes to noted editor
on behalf of her husband: won't you,"
she says, "see if you can get him a situa-
fsaY, aool.or i've ho, Vorl-
something of that sort? He is very quick
place, will you please get him one as con-
ductOrg / know you can do it. And if
you can't get him a situation there, won't
store here? He will pay you, and will
see that he does"
How To MEND STocKINGs.-We were
amused the other day at a lady friends ac-
count of the manner in which her servant
girl mended her stockings. When hole
appeared in the toe, Bridget tied string
around the stocking below the aperture
and cut off the projecting portion. This
operation was repeated as often as neces-
sary, each time pulling the stocking down
q little, until at last it was nearly all cut
away, when Bridget sewed on new legs,
and thus kept her stockings always in re-
pairl-POrtlGnd Transcript.
AN eminent journalist in Kalamazoo,
Mich, declared in his paper that rival
editor had seven toes. The rival editor
.hereupon came out in a double-leaded |
article, in which he denounced the state |
ment as untruthful, and declared that the |
author of it was a liar and scoundrel."
The eminent Journalist replied that he |
iidn't for moment wish to have it under |
stood that he meant that all seven Of |
hose toes were on one foot. And now |
he rival editor tries to avoid the public |
,corn by asking his readers seriously, "Are |
.hese subjects which ought to be dis |
;ussed in organs whose duty it is to mold
public opinions"
THE Corydon Qowa) Monitor says:
Two days since, a pair of turtle-doves lit
IN doOr-yard fence in Corydon. One
vas seen to take wing toward the house,
md was probably blown against it by the
itrong wind, for in a moment it lay dead |
IN the ground at the corner of the house. |
The other one few to the spot, walked /
Iround its mate, whose sudden stiffness it /
lid not understand, called it, and tried, /
With many manifestations of affection, to
Tain its attention. For an hour it perse-
Tered, and moved to tears the household
hat witnessed the circumstance. Another
love came and Lit not far away, and the
wo flew away together"
THE Last Man Brotherhood, of Phila-
lelphia, consists of thirty-three members,
ii printers save one, and was organized
N the 10th of February, 1856. The men,
,ers pay ten cents yearly towards a fund
o enable the last living man to enjoy his
onely supper The association holds its
on the third Saturday of Feb
uary. The last survivor will receive the
of the entire group superbly
ramed, a bottle of wine, and the fund
aised for his especial benefit Since the
out of the sixteen youngest
Members ten have died, while but two
ave departed from the seventeen Oldest,
hus somewhat reversing the old adage,
The old must die, the young may die"
AN old lady read an item in one of the
apers, the other day, describing how a
rindstone burst in a saw-factory, and
illed four men. She just happened to re-
lember that there was small grindstone I
own in her cellar, leaning up against the |
all. So she went out and got an acci- !
ent insurance policy, and then, summon !
lg the hired girl, and holding the pie {
Oard in front of her, so that if the thing I