davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

San Francisco exhibits some singular
lectures. We quote from a speech recent
ly made in that city:
They say man was created first
S'posin' he was Amt first experiments
always failures? If | was better man
I'd bet two dollars and half they are.
The only decent thing about him anyhow,
was rib, and that went to make some
thing better. [Applaus. And then they
throw it into our face about Eve taking
that apple. I'll bet five dollars Adam
boosted her up in the tree, and then only
gave her the core. And what did he do
when he was found out True to his
masculine instict he sneaked behind Ewes
Grecian bend, and said, 'Twant me
twas her..
We omitted to mention that it was Il
lady orator who was thus eloquent.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

PRoGREss.-"What have you been
doing all day." said father to his boy,
who had been set husking corn in the
barn, and had husked only half a basket.
ful. II am catching rats sir Catch
ing rats! How many have you caught?
when get the one am now after, and
two more, it will make three"
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

Two BEARs,"-Once upon a time
there lived a couple known far and wide
for their continual squabbles. Suddenly
they changed their mode of life, and werr
as complete patterns Of conjugal felicii,
as they had formerly been of discord. \
neighbor, anxious to know the cause OF
such sudden conversion, asked the good
wife to explain it. She replied
"Me and the old man get on well Ia.
gether since We kept two bears in the
house."
1.-TWO bears ?" was the astonished reply
"Yes," said the old lady, "bear AMI
forbear."
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

The ScHooLMAsTER ABRoAD.-A can
didate for the post of teacher in rural
school district was asked by one of the
examining committee if he was acquain-
ted with mathematics. He replied, 81
Am not acquainted with Matthew Mattox,
but am well acquainted with his brother
Joe"
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

A young clergyman, being about to
preach for father in the ministry, was
asked whether he would not like "to be
by himself" n while. NO" was the
prompt reply: II am already cooked and
primed." The old minister afterward,
remarked that "he flashed in the pan.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

An Irishman was called up in case
Of assault and battery, and when asked
by the magistrate what he SAID to the
complainant, remarked, 81 said to him.
wild the toe of my boot, 60 home"
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

A cool specimen of humanity in the
West stepped into printing-ofice to beg
a newspaper, saying, 1--WE like to read
the news very much, but our neighbor'
are too stingy to take one"
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

Some one truly says, the best way for
a man to train up child in the way it
should 90, is to travel that way sometimes
himself.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

\ young man, in the rural districts Of
the West, went one evening to see his
darling, and after making love to her
some time, ventured to pop the question.
She seemed very much agitated, and said.
"You skeer me-" He apologized, saying
he did not mean to scare her. Feeling
much depressed, he took his hat to 60
home. She said, - Mister, don't be in a
hurry-I wish you would skeer me again.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

A young man named Turn married a
cousin Of the same name, on the plea that
"One good Turn deserves another"
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

d. T. Walker of Woodstock, ha.
manufactured during the present sea-
son, 700 barrels Of cider, and is still at
work,
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

SLANo PHRAsEs.-Mistress Of board.
ing.house to seveu-year-old boy "
Johnny, is the beef good?"
Hungry boy "Yithum. It's bully.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

A verdant youth in the country after
a visit to the city was discoursing upon
the many wonderful things he had seen
there. He said he saw very large house
with an awful high chimney, and sup
posed the owner must have big family
He had his name above the door, on the
F. 1tbuGrcch. !" ~"""' '"''~~- e -"' "
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03
s O'CLOCK. j.

VNHIs Is No HUMBuG!
Ry sending 30 CENTS, with age, height
color Of eyes and hair, you will receive by return
mail, a correct picture Of your future husband
or wife, with name and date of marriage. Address
W. FOX, p o. Drawer No. "a, Fultonville, n. Y.
(39;4w)
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03
NEW ADVERTISER ENTS

A GENTS wANTED-(s2?5 A MONTHLY
"A the AMERICAN KSIT1Iso MACHINE Co, Bos-
ton Mass, or st. Louis, No. 4l;iw)
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

ln Western newspaper office th'
following notice was posted up; "Losr,
A valuable new silk umbrella belong
ing to gentleman with a curiously carved
head"
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

An angry boarder at the dinner-table
the other day exclaimed; ; won't pay
for steaks as tongh as these no law can
compel me to they're not legal tender y
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

\ young widow was asked why she
was going to get married so soon after the
death of her first husband "Oh la !"
said she, II do it to prevent iretting my
self to death on account of dear Tom"
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03
Businfss Cards.

w M. DAY, M. D., Physician and
w Surgeon. Office over J. L. Barker 4
Cos store: residence at Mrs. Linsley's, Main St.
MIDDLEBURY, Vt. 39;tf
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

NNi w. RIDER, Attorney and Coun.
w selor at Law and Solicitor in Chancery,
26;6m BRISTOL, VT.
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

Billings insists: at is Il statistika
fikt that the wicked work harder to reacl
hell than the righteous do rew git tev
heaven"
The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1871-01-03

\ smart lad, on hearing his mother re-
mark that she was fond of music, ex-
claimed, Then why don't lon huy me a
drum >"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18
The Worlds New Poet.

Ed STANDARD: In the Daily Tribune
OF the 18th inst. there arc twenty-scven
stanzas of something Mr.. Prosch says was
produced by invoking the aid of the muse.
] wonder what muse! Certainly none Of
the sacred nine" who inspired the i'm
mortal poets of England and America,
Byron, Burns, Moore, Pope, Longfellow,
Whittier, Bryant, and others, for no sensi =
bic or virtuous muse would lead her aman-
uensis to commit so great n blunder as to
charge the mothers and daughters of the
community with lack of wisdom aud virtue.
No; the goddess who presidcs over litcra-
ture and music, would never be so false to-
her sex. Shame on r. &. OBrien Let
him be Kissed by every respectable and
virtuous mother and daughter in the com
munity. Here is his confession of faith ::
81 believe, If mothers daughters,
Lived more wise and virtuously,
There would be more wives then womew
In her proper sphere would be-"
In plain English, Il. G. O'Bricn says:
"Owing to the want Of wisdom and virtue
in the mothers and daughters of the coun-
try, such virtuous and holy men as him
self, and other virtuous old bachelors, are
without wives" l think the spirit ofsome
old harlot must have suggested the above
stanza to this virtuous young man. Write
yourself down an ass tncc more, Mr.. o..
Brien. One more poetical effusion from
your prolific brain by inspiration of your
scnsuous muse, and you will be properly
appreciated by the mothers daughters"
of this most enlightened, intelligent and
virtuous community on Puget Sound.
OLD SETTLER.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

TIE BAPTIST CHuRcn.-We learn
from the Tribune of the 18th inst. that
last Saturday afternoon the Baptist church
of Olympia met at the house of VIM. H.
Mitchell, and, after covenant meeting,
transacted the following business; r. S.
Green and VIM, H. Mitchell were elected
Deacons; Messrs. Mitchell, Green, Traver,
Johns and Fine, Trustees; Mrs. r. S.
Green, Treasurer. The church through
Mr.. Mitchell, has secured two choice lots
fronting Maple Park, on which they will
proceed at an early day to erect house of
worship. In the meantime they will hold
services every Sunday morning at IL o.
clock, in the reading room in Good Temp
lars Hall. Prayer meetings will be held
at the house of VIM. H. Mitchell every
Tuesday night. The church will soon or
ganize Sabbath school.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18
An Honest Republican.

The following letter to the Tribune,
written by Washington Peck, Esq, of this
county, reads like the emanaticn of a past
age, when competency, honesty and intcg-
rity were the necessary qualifications for
holding Office. 1t will be remembered that
Mr. Peck was a member of the House of
Representatives of the Legislative Assem-.
bly,, when the Republican members attempt.
ed to pass resolutions endorsing GarfelGc
without quorum being present, which ac.
ton called forth from Mr. Peck an indig-
nant protest against the proceeding as ille-
gal and unfair. For this manifestation of
honesty Of purpose he was "laid on the
shelf" although possessing more brains than
any who have succeeded him.
Ed. TRiRrNE: Sir I'm the report Of the
Territorial Treasurer, submitted to the Legis-
lative Assembly now in session, it is shown
that the Territorial Auditor has been paid the
sum Of 81 $3.50 70. His salary has been fixed
at $500 per year so it appears that there has
been paid to him, ont of the Territorial funds,
Voo' ~ hiotc tH"u MS IOC tHc Two YEARS
that he has held the office. More than $500 is
for doing what the law makes 1t his duty to
do; thet is, to furnish "abstracts and descrip-
tons of such land MS shall become taxable"
Other items are Objectionable, either in whole
or in part.
1t appears to me that if he was justly enti-
| tied to those sums, or any part Of them, the
proper course to be pursued was to apply to
| the Legislature for relief; but instead of that,
| it appears that he put his hand as often ard as
| deep into the Territorial treasury as he pleased.
1t is clear to my mind that the Auditor, by
drawing warrants on the Treasurer for those
sums not provided for by law, has exposed
| himself to heavy legal penalties.
Ny object is to call the attention of the Leg
| islature and the public to existing abuses is
| in order to correct them We, as Republic
cans, claim to be honest as party, and |, for
one, am in favor Of exposing every dishonest
trick of any Republican iu office just as fully
| as would a Democrat.
BY publishing the above you will obligc
yours, &c. WASHINGTON PECK.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

RUMoRED CHANGE OF INDIAN Policy
IN ARIzoNA.-The Tucson Citizen of a
recent date says it is reported in Arizona
that the great Indian ring intend to make
a determined effort to have the Military
Department of Arizona abolished and
merged into one with New Mexico,
the headquarters to be in the latter with a
Brigadier. General in command, and to
have all military and Indian supplies for
Arizona purchased in Eastern cities and
brought by St. Louis and the Atlantic and
Pacific railway into Indian Territory and
thence by wagons. This is reported to be
a move against the Pacific Coast, because
Of its bold aud united stand on the Indian
question. 80,
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

course Of which he spoke to intelligent
citizens and Of the indifference to the no.
litical matters. lie characterized the cor.
rupting tendencies Of the civil service a.
an organized aud standing threat against
the liberties Of the nation. Every Gus.
tom House in the land" said he, sis a
bribing shop. If places of trust shall be
put up for sale, as they have been, this
Government cannot long exist"
The election frauds in Brooklin are of
the most astonishing character. In one
district the vote increased fifty per cent.
over the highest ever before known; in an.
other seventy five per cent, in another
seventy eight, and the Fourth Ward the
vote was greater than could by any phys
ical possibility have been fairly pollcd.
SAN FRANcTsco, Nov. 12.-Arrived-
Steamship Prince ALfied from Victoria.
by the Prince Alfred came Captain
Barker, Of the whalcship Japan, of New
Bedford, and Captain Hayes, of the British
bark OrioIe, of Melbourne. They report
that when the Japan was wrecked at East
Cape last year, eight men were drowned,
and Captain Baker and the rest of the
crew suffered terribly, being compelled to
live on putrid whales and to stop during
the winter in the Esquimaux huts, until
they reached Plovcr Bay, in the spring.
where they joined Hayes and his crew, Of
the Oriole, whose vessel had been wrecked
In Bchriug Sea. Captain Baker and the
survivors Of his crew had long since been
given up as lost, and their friends from
the East will welcome them as risen FROM
the dead.
The Herald this morning publishes
letter from st. George relative to the Con.
ference, but not word in regard to Brig.
ham Young This is remarkable, as hitG.
crto every movement Of Brigham, when
away from the city, has been reported
daily by letter and telegraph.
The rc-opening of the United States Dis
trict Court and the re assembling of the
Grand Jury tomorrow is anticipated with
much interest. 1t is understood that IIo-
sea Stout, confined at Camp Douglass un.
der indictment for murder, with Mayor
Wells and others, made application to the
Supreme Court Of the United States for re-
lease upon writ Of habcas corpus.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

TEAcnERs.-The Portland Herald al.
ludes to the woman teachers in the public
schools Of that city as follows With the
exception Of the Principals, who are mas
culine, the teachers of the public schools
are of the gentler sex, and it is said they
make excellent instructors, owing to the
possession of that faculty which phreno-
iogists term philoprogenitiveness, and in
dicates love for the young, and therefore
enables them to exercise that nursing
power peculiar to their gender. In the
primary departments they cannot be ex-
celled, as they have more patience and
quiet perseverance than the lord of creation.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18
WOMAN SUFFRAGE AssoCIATIoN.-A

WOMAN SUFFRAGE AssoCIATIoN.-A
Woman Suffrage Association, for Thurston
County, was organized on Saturday even
ing, with the following officers; Mrs.
Saunders, President; Mrs. Jane Wylie,
Vice President; Mrs. F. NJ. Barnes, Sec.
rotary; Mrs. r. Frost, Asst. Secretary
Mrs. j. s. Dobbins, Treasurer Exccu-
tive Committee, Mrs. Coulter, Mrs. Elliot,
Mrs. Sands, and Mrs. Ruddle. The As
ISOLATION meets this evening, ut 5 o'clock
at the residence of Mrs. Mary A. Barnes.
Att o'clock the meeting will adjourn to
the Hook and Ladder Room, in Columbia
Hall, where the friends of the cause land
the members Of the Assembly especially
are invited to be present and participate in
the proceedings.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18
Gatherings by the Wayside.
PACIFIC COAST BREVITIES

PACIFIC COAST BREvITIEs.
Portland has 90 saloons.
Oakland is the lvliest town in South
cru Oregon.
Corvallis is yet enjoying the luxury
Of watermelons.
Portland is full Of vagabonds and
worthless fellows.
Mexican banditti are overrunning
Lower California.
Two public hospitals arc to be built in
Portland next year.
"A California beet sugar factory works
so tons of bcets daily.
Corvallis expects the West Side Rail-
road by next August
New gold discovery on Rogue River
$40 per day with rocker.
Portland is already afflicted with one
Of the " Chicago Sufferers"
Whisky sellers in Salt Lake City pay
license Of $500 per month.
Quarts assaying $4,000 Per ton has
been discovered near Salt Lake.
Portland is to have bridge across
the Willamette, costing 100000.
"A man is missing at Walla Walla aud
it is believed he has been murdered.
Oregon will have large immigra-
ton from Eastern Illinois next year.
Mark Twain, accompanied by his wife,
will visit California about Holiday time.
"A panorama of the scenery on the
Pacific Railroad is on exhibition in Port
land.
Seven divorces were granted in one
week during the term of Court in Albany,
Oregon.
The California and Oregon Railroad
will be completed to Red Bluffs by tho
3Oth inst.
California contains a population al
260,233. San Francisco has population
of 49, 93.
-Portlanders have erected Roman
amphitheater and will shortly revel in a
bull and bear fight.
Three feet Of snow fell in recent
snow storm, near Rawlings, Wyoming.
Trains we're delayed twelve hours.
"A scientific exploring party from Yale
College are dclvinG among the rocks aud
fossils Of Southern Oregon.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18
A Question OF Propriefv.

Mrs. Amelia Bloomer, in letter to the
Lcavcnworth Bulletin, urges that married
women should retain their Christian names.
The propricty Of the suggestion is evident
upon reflection. She believes it to be i'm.
proper to speak Of Mrs. Gray as Mrs.
Judge Gray, and it is unqucstionably better
to address Mrs. Mary Smith than to recog.
nize that lady as merely Mrs. John Smith
" ADAM she says" named his wife Eve,
and never required his wife to be called
Mrs. Adam. Think of Victoria of Eng.
land being called Mrs. Albert Sake Co.
burg, and Euscnic, Mrs. Napoleon Bona
par,e. Go back through all history, and
all married queens, all members Of royal
houses, and all married women of any dis
tinction, such as authors, scholars, paint
crs, teachers, actresses, singers, etc, have
ever been known and called by their own
Christian names. In our own day aud
country this is the universal custom. Ly-
dia H. Sigouruey, Emma Willard, Mar
garet Fuller Osoli, Lucretia Mott, Frances
d. Gage, Mary A. Livermorc, Harriet
Beecher Stowe, Pauline w. Davis, Isabella
Beecher Hooker, Lucy Stone Black we'll,
Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Celia Burleigh,
and host Of others Of equal or less emf.
nence, never write their names as Mrs.
John, James or Henry. Anna Mary
Hewitt, Dinah Maria Mulock and Eliza.
beth Barrett Browning, may be given as
instances of English writer's who no:with-
standing the prefix Mrs, have not seen fit
to drop their own names and adopt that of
their husbands. Trace the thing through
from beginning to end, in that country and
in the new, and think you will rarely
find woman of any distinction called by
her husbands name. The wife of our
first President is known and loved as Mar
tina Washington; Susannah Wesley is far
better known than Mrs. John Wes-
ley" Now, that the ladies arc making
general effort for improvement, we trust
they will adopt the suggestion of Mrs.
Boomer and hereafter use their Christian
names and initials on all occasions, and
preserve their identity in this respect at
least.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

NEW STEAMBOAT CoMPANY.-Articlcs
OF incorporation have been fled by Messrs.
L. NJ. and E. A.. Starr. Cyrus Wdter, j.
N. Goodwin, E. s. Smith, j W. Sprague,
). Is. Montgomery, o. F. Gerrish and
Marshall Blinn, for company to carry on
the business of navigating Puget Sound
by steamers. The capital stock will be
100000, in shares of $500 each. and the
principle place of business at OLYMPIA.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

CHRISTMAS BALL-Columbia Engine
70. propose to give a ball in Columbia
Hall, on Christmas evening. The several
committees have been appointed and the
preparations commenced with a hearty
good will. 1t will undoubtedly be-as
Firemen's balls always area pleasant af.
fair. An advertisement, giving the com.
mittees having the work in charge, is un.
avoidably omitted in the present issue.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

u The Seattle Intel;gencer learns,
from private sources, that no more iron or
other material for the railroad will be sent
to the Columbia river, but that they
are to be shipped hereafter to Puget Sound
direct, and that there are now three or four
vessels on the way with material on board
for the road, which cleared from Eastern
ports for the Sound.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

a. Col. Frost informs the editor Of the
Timer that during the past year the popu.
lation Of Whatcom county has been doubled
by actual settlements, and Suohomish
county has had large increase of popula.
ton that the whole east side of the Sound
is being settled rapidly aud the increase
would have been much greater had not so
much OF the public lands have been COB.
bled up by spectators.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

UNITARIAN OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES.
conducted by Rev. Mr.. Kimball, will be
held in Good TempIars' Hall tomorrow at
Ii A. Mand 7p.M. Subject of the morn
ing discourse, "The Unitarian Idea of
Conversion as a requisite for Salvation. !"
Subject in the evening, The Mathemat.
los and Morals of Lotteries and Gambling.
whether carried on by Churches. States
Territories or Individuals"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

corruption oftheir leaders. With a pro.
fessional black-les as their chief, control.
ing alike the influence of the card.table, the
church, and the G God Tcmplar Lodge, what
better can We expect? Rogues are upper
most all over the country, and revolution
in popular sentiment is required to effect a
reform,
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

~ Selucius Gar6elde, we observe by
the Seattle papers, has been lecturiug at
that place on the Climatic Phenomena of
Puget Sound" We hope the talented
gentleman will favor our people with a
visit. There are number who would be
willing to invest fifty cents to hear it,
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

y A Woman Suffrage Association was
organized in Portland last Tuesday even.
ing. The attendance was large and enthu-
s'astlc, and the proceedings were harmoui.
Gus and indicative of unity of sentiment.
Miss Anthony addressed the Association.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

tn. following named gentlemen are author
Fed to receive and receipt for money due on
subscriptions TO the STANDARD:
s-..-~ NV. WAR, Victoria, V. L.:
N. p. HARPKR, Rockland, klikitat Co.
hi sc. CARY; Yakima county
Il. L. DuBEAu, Cowlitx;
r.! WARREN Cow, Nisqually.
F.. A. WILSON, Arcadia;
STEPHEN JrpsoN Steilacoom;
F. A. Liaur. "
ge HEyHAS GoopTIN, "
e. FRkp. MyERs, Fort Montgomery;
La s. F. CooMBs, Seattle;
O. ]. McCArsLAND, Port Dlakely;
Mai. G. O. HALLER, WILDLY Island;
JAMES MURPHY, Utsalady
.i HobpEN A JupsoS, Whitcom:
JoMx p. JUpsoN. Port Townsend;
Jons CoxDou, Port Gamble;
ORR1x A. HALL, Port Ludlow
d. X. SIMMONS, Grand Prairie;
'-'f G. W. CANNON, Portland, Oregon.
- W. Money can be sent through the mails
1t our risk.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

Town LOTS FOR SALE.-See the adyer-
tisement Of Mr.. Avery, in another column.
under the above heading. Some very
desirable property will be sold.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

y DR.. Scott, late Secretary of the Ter.
r'tory, has been elected member of the
Ohio Legislature.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1871-11-18

q 1t is proposed to build an iron fence
upon granite base, around the Court.
house at Portland, to cost $4,000