Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-12-23
Facts and EEasaCaes.

The scene of disasters-K erosene.
Drop curtains-Bar room shades.
Free speech-Gratuitous letters.
Centenarian-A fellow who has nary
a cent.
Motto for chess players-Act on the
square.
It is mistake to suppose that the
sun is supported ty its beams.
Going out with the t;ed--Lcaving
the Church with wedding party.
Why is an over worked horse like IN
umbrella. Because it is used up.
1t is said-ironically, perhaps. that
blacksmiths forge aud steel every day.
A good resolution is like crying
baby at concert: 1t should be carried
| out
The latest sensation on the turf is
race between a clothes horse and
night mare.
Why has nature given us two ears
and but one tongue? That we may re,
peat but half of what we hear.
When you go to drown yourself, pull
off your clothes; they may fit your
wife's second husband.
Paterfamiias, glancing over his
butchers bill, wonders when his young
sters will finish s. tcething."
An exchange says: 1t is pIeasanter
to see than feel ladies cuff" We de
mnr-suppose it is around your neck
How then?
What is the difference between ae>
cepted and rejected lovers? The ac-
cepted kiss the misses, while the re-
jected miss the kisses.
Toast-The Ladies-Their eyes kim
de the only flames which we cannot
extngui>h, and against which there is
no insurance.
A doctor detained in conrt as wit
ness complained to the Judge that if he
was kept from his PATIENTS they might
recover in his absence.
A story is told Of young man who
was going west to open jewelry store
When asked what capital he he'd, re-
piled I" A cro8bar."
Although never drink. + think
IN taking drop now aS the tenn
perance man said when he fell cut Of the
lhir1 story window.
4 physician boasting at dinner that
he cured his own hams. ore Of hi
gnoStz remarked; Well doctor,
would sooner be your ham than your
patient"
In most qnarre's there is n FAINT on
both sides. y qnarrel may he com
pared 20 spark, which cannot be pro
dnced without flint as we'll as steel
either nf them may hammer on wood
forever, bn' no Gre viii follow.
An Irishman dropped letter in the
pest Office the other day, with the fol
lowing memorandum on the corner. for
the benefit Of all indolent postmasscrs
into whose hands it might fall: please
hasten the delay Of this
Josh Billings says /" don't helcaf
in bad luck being sot for man like n
trap; but have known lots Of folks
who. ii there was any fr~t-rate had luck
lying around loose. would be sure to re,
one foot in it emmy how
A peaceful disposition is not absolute
protection a"aie st the turmoils of lfe
" hats more eaceluI than clam
And yet, ten to one, it ends It's life in
broil. And then how peaceablc an oys
ter is And yet how frequently it gets
mixed up in a stew.
4 woman who was suffering under
slight indiSposition, told her sympathiz
ing husband that it was with great dif,
fculiy that she could breathe. and the
effort distressed her exceedingly. +" It
is too bad | would not try my dear"
sOothInPly responded the husband
a wife of modern Crmsus having
returned from abroad with numbcrlcss
objects of art, rather promiscuousIy
chosen stood one day despairingly con>
templating her Partisan groups. "Oh,
Jack" exclaimed she at last, "what
shall We do? There are no inches for
our stationery"
A lady who mad boastel at dinner
party of the good manners of her little
boy. addressed him thus:
Charlie, my dear, won't you have
some beans z"
Mo- vas the ill.mannered replv
of the petulant cherub.
No!' exclpimed the astonished
mother; ono what z"