The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1871-02-02
4augh aud 6rola fat.


A chaplain Of the State prison, an en-.
thusiastic devoiee Of the temperance 70.
form, had the idea that most Of the con-
yicts were incarcerated because Of the
use Of whiskey. In his round he met
a sturdy man Of many stripes, and put
the usual question to him " Had whis-
key anything to do with bringing You
here r Everything, sir, everything p
Explained the man. The chaplain was
encouraged, aud eagerly inquired low
il was. @Well, sir, I'll tell you how i,
was; the judge was drunk, aud the
lawyers were all drunk, and so they
fetched me in guilty.
A black woman, who had been lately
converted, was so unfortunate as 10 Fly
into passion over the misdoing Of one
Of her neighbors' youngsters. A friend
remarked rpon the improperly ofsuch
conduct in the case Of one about 10 Join
the church, aud received this frank re-
Spouse II have 'sperienced religion
an Use gwine to join de church but,
Miss b., Tie scald dat niger fust."
A WHOLESOME DRINK.-An old to-
per was recently reduced to the neces
sity Of drinking glass of water. as
nothing else conld be had On tasting
il, he smacked his lips in thoughtful
way, and exclaimed "Why, il isn't so
bad, after all | shouldn't wonder if
for weakly women and tender children
this was quite wholesome drink p
To grammarians-The verb SIS" be-
ing singular and "are" its plural does
il follow that Arabella is the plural
Of Isabella, and must the latter ueces-
sarily be as singular in disposition as
10 number, and If so, must A.abela
always be married woman, Isabella
being single?
A Buffalo preacher thus addressed
the Throne Of Grace last Sunday: 20
Lord, bless ii ose who are present bless
those who are getting ready to come !;
bless those who did nome at all and IN
special manner, we pray Thee, bless
those who arrived 10 time to hear the
first prayer"
Thackeray tells Of an Irish woman
begging Of him, who, when she saw him
putting his hand in his pocket, cried
ou:," May the blessing of God follow
you alllhe days Of your life"-but when
he pulled out his snuff box, Immediately
added--Aand never overtake you'll"
At wedding, recently, when the
officiating priest asked the lady, swift
thou have this man to be thy welded
husband r She dropped the preitiest
curtsey, and, with nodesty which lent
beauty an additional grace, replied, aft
you please"
A gentleman in Boston, on taking a
volume Of Gibbons Rome to be bound,
was asked If he would have it bound in
Russia. "0h no" he replied; Russia
is too far eff | viii have it done
here
Anna Dickinson says she proposes
giving newspaper men, that talk about
her, nit for tat" Sol Miller, Kansas
editor, replied to this by saying: "All
right, Anna, wen trade here's your
tat"
A German out West being required
to give receipt in full, produced the
following after much mental effort: II
ish full. | wants no more money. John
Swackhammer."
Mr. Smithers, how can you sleep
sol The sun has been up these two
hours "Well, what it lie has ?" said
Smithers, "He goes to bed at dark,
while I'm up till alter midnight"
The conductor Of an omnibus said to
young lady, one of his passengers
. Miss, your fare" @Well, if | am, {"
she replied, II don't want any Of your
impertinence."
During an examination medical
student being asked thequestion, when
docs modification set in Z" replied,
When you pop the question and are
answered no.
Since the invention Of the immense
cases in which Indies wardrobes are
transported, all railroads in the country
are calling themselves Grand Trunk
Line
An Irish girl having been sent to the
postoffice for the mail, came back to in.
quire whether it was Indian mail or
corn mail that was wanted.
The difference between "couniy"
and city greenhorn is, that one would
like to know everything, and the other
thinks be can tell him.
9 How can Iexpand my chestyv an
extortionate man asked Of a physician.
(" BY carrying good large heart in it, .
replied the DOCTOR"
Many girl thinks she can do moth.
ing without husband, and when she
gets one finds she can do nothing with
him.
Youag swell: Il say, boy, what do
you do with your clothes when you We
worn them outy" Boy: "Wears EN-
home again !"
The hardest thing to hold in this