The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-07-21
SCISSORINGs.

Which is the smallest bridge in the
world? The bridge on the nose.
A cup that will not intoxicate, YET
is indicative of intoxication-hic cup
A Californian recovered the use o.
a paralyzed arm by being thrown from
horse. s
Why are black eyes called piercingt
Because they can Hook daggers when
they like.
New York swells have their initials
stamped in gold on the brims of theil
opera hats.
Why is geology considered deer
t'science?" Because it penetrates in.
to the earth.
When a girl falls in love with an
unlucky Irishman, her heart always
goes pity Pat.
A colored boy in Trimple County
Kentucky, has killed thirty-one eagles
in his lifetime.
Baloonists don't care about making
much money. If they can make as
cent they are satisfied.
Prentice says man was the chief
consideration at the creation. Wom-
an was only 'sa side ISSUE"
A man who has repeatedly tried
them says that all the short cuts to
fortune are horribly oyercrowdcd.
Nothing is more easy that to do
mischief; nothing is more difficult
than to suffer without complaining.
Ingratitude is crime so shameful,
that the man was never vet found who
would acknowledge himself guilty OF
it.
He is happier who has little, and
with that little is content, than he
who has much, with Impotence for
more.
One who wishes the world to know
what he knows about farming, says
the best way to raise strawberries is
with spoon.
Grief knits two hearts in closer
bonds than Joy ever can, and COM
mon sufferings are much stronger
than common joys. -
A resident of Connecticut boasts
that for eighty-four consecutive years
he has eaten his Thanksgiving dinner
In the same house.
It is easy enough to make sacrifices
for those we love, but for our enemy
we have TO struggle and overcome
self. Such a victory is noble.
= A club of wicked bachelors in De-
troit VOW that they will not be led to
the alter unless the lady can give
them $50 900 and brick house.
A man at Iowa City says, in exca-
vating well four years ago, he struck
a layer of half-grown locusts twelve
feet below the surface Of the ground.
A religious society in Aberdeen,
Scotland, recently discussed the ques-
ton whether reading the almanac on
Sunday is consistent with Christian
duty.
Better be right than conquer in an
argument. Better bear the assump-
ton of ignorant men than waste
your dearly bought experience of
fools.
A German religious fanatic has
given church $4,000 guilders, on
condition that his body be embalmed,
nailed to a cross and placed III the or
gan loft.
A Texas paper reports that, since
September last, lis, 900 people, with
1 .664 wagons, have emigrated from
Tennessee and Georgia into the Lone
Star State.
"Now, mind you," whispered a
servant girl TO her neighbor, I don't
say as how missus drinks; but between
you and me, the decanter don't keeI
full all day."
Cook-@Oh, it's your pa, is it, Mas
ter Tom? Well, telegraph may be
very wonderful, but it don't take me
in, and If that's your pas priting, I'll
eat my head"
Playing at Doctor-'Ma, dear,
Ada won't take her physic. I've
mixed her dose of sand, and she
says must take some first. Doctors
never do, do they, ma?'
s.This worlds all feeting show" >"
said priest to culprit on the gal
lows. eyes . was the prompt reply,
"but If you have no objection, I'd like
to see the show little longer"
Ingeniusly youth (whispers) )-"I
see you constantly stand on one leg
in church May I ask you why"
Ingenious maiden (whisper)-'sYou
may. It's to save my croquetfoot."
About the conundrum, .swhat shall
my sonsbe?"-Which is the name of a
book, you know-the Boston Post
ventures a Yankee guess: eve
should SURF os it would be boy"
a little Bost N girl ioyfully assured
her mother the other day that she had
found out where they made horses
ssshe had seen a man in a shop just
finishing one of them, for he was nail
-,,sr or, his Inst FOOT