The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-04-02
'1lssnlag Star and Catholic Messenger.
W.T. AID WI6DOK.

a.
= said that he was a.pa do dews.
essay, Sambo, where have You been for
week back Z" 81 haven't been anywhere
! Tor 1t. haven't got q weak back"
OF . man who recently died, it was said,
His name will be remembered wherever
ms deeds and mortgages are known"
n When the little niger boy wanted to at
tend his fathers funeral, he asked his
schoolmaster for half holiday to go q
blackberrying.
care the pictures which you brought
home from Europe all landscapes I" asked
an artist of Mrs. Shoddy one day. "Lord
bless you, no." replied the indignant lady,
they're lie paintins !"
A merchant, not over-conversant with
geography, on hearing that one Of his yes
where's thatf At any rate am glad that
the ships got into port"
Mrs. Darlington is very fond of her
youngest son, who has poetical turn. One
evening lately size excused his absence
from the family circle by saying that he
was busy apostatizing the moon.
It is a singular fact that ladies who know
how to preserve everything else, can't pre-
serve their tempers. Yet it may easily be
done on the ,self-sealing principle. 1t is
only to keep the mouth Of the vessel closed.
a person IN prison was 86keu Dy 1r1enO
what it was for. "For telling lies, )" he re-
Piled. "Telling lies How is that y de-
manded the other. "Why, telling people
would pay 'em, and not keeping nay
word"
An elderly maiden, meeting a newly
married man, who had once been her SER
want, carrying home a cradle, exclaimed,
"Ah, John, these are the fruits of marri-
age.". ono, madam" replied John, cit is
only the fruit basket"
Scolding is the pepper of matrimony and
an old bachelor. We would give his name,
but we are afraid that the peace of the
neighborhood might be disturbed by the
noise of broom handle.
A widow, being cautioned by her minis
ter about flirting, said that she knew it
was wrong for unmarried ladies to flirt, but
the Bible was her authority. 1t said "wid-
ows mite.n She was flirting awfally at
last accounts, her pastor having acknow-
lodged that 'Fwidows mite"
The following speech is attributed to a
member Of the Legislature of Pennsylva-
mia: ssI know wimmen, Mr.. Speaker; I
say it in no disrespect; I know una I've
had heap to do with 'um they're use
full class, and-and yet with the best of 'em
you may have trouble"
A Dutchman, in describing a span of
horses which he had lost, said, Dey wash
very mooch alike, Especially de off one.
Ona looks SO much like both, 1 could not
telf todoer from which; when went after
de one always caut dc oder an whip
ped one most Diet because de oder kicked
"Can't you manage to give my son one
of the prizes at the examination Z" asked a
mother Of teacher. NO, madam" was
the reply, "your son stands no chance; he
<,B,.k. rntoix, Yoreiofc in, idIonoel ooh Int
Them exclaimed the fond mamma, "if that
is 90, you can give him prize for perse-
verance."
Mr.. and Mrs. Samson, of Chicago, fled
cross bills for divorce. They were cross
couple. Mr.. Cross made solemn affidavit
that Mrs. Cross poured Q painful of boiling
water OVER his head, and then scraped the
hair of With the pan. He regarded it as
far She would CO." He now thinks she
went too far.
aDo you know the prisoner, Mr.. Jones 7"
eyes, to the bone" "What is his char
acter % ssDidn't know he had any," "Does
he live near you Z" $50 near that he has
spent only one dollar for firewood in eight
years." "Did he ever come in collision
with you in any matter ." "Only once,
took me for lamp post" From what
you know of him, would you believe him
under oath =" "That depends upon cir
cumstances. If he was so much intoxi
Gated that he did not know what he was
doing, I would. If not, 1 wouldn't"
There was Dutch woman, whose hus-
band, Dietrich Van Ponk, kicked the
bucket and left her inconsolable. Folks
said grief would kill that widow. She had
a figure of wood carved, that looked very
MUGS ike her late husband, in order to be
constantly reminded of the dear departed:
In about half q year she became interested
in a Young shoemaker, who finally married
her. He had visited the widow not more
than fortnight, when the servant told her
asked what should be done. After q pause
the widow replied, in a very quiet way,
"Maybe it ,sh veil enough now to split up
old Van Popk vat ish up stairs"
GLOW do you manage your husband, Mrs.
Croakerq Such q job as have of it with
Smith, "Easieat thing in the world, my
dear; give him twitch backward when
Won want him to 60 forward. For instance,
you see to-day had a loaf of cake to make.
We'll, do you suppose, because my body is
in the pastry room that my soul need be
~ a hit rf If i am thinking