Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-08-08
Agriculture a Fraud.

A writer in the Cincinnati Times having Pc
rused Horace Greeley's book about farming
with the immediate effect of becoming mud
died, indites the following, which he is careful
to explain is mot by H. G.
The basest fraud Of earth is agriculture =
The deadllest agauS tatuus that ever glittered
to beguile, and dazzed to betray, is agricu-
ture. | speak with feeling on this subject, for
I've been glittered and beguiled. and dazzled
and destroyed by this same arch deceiver.
She has made me thousand promises, and
broken every one of them.
She has promised me early potatoes and the
rain has drowned them late potatoes, and the
drought has withered them.
She has promised me summer Squashes, and
the worms have eaten them winter squashes,
and the bugs have devoured them.
She has promised cherries, and the curculio
has stung them, and they contain living things
unc0mely to the eye and unsavory to the taste.
She has promised straw berries and the little
chickens have enveloped them and the eye can
not see them.
She has promised tomatoes, and the old hens
have encompassed them.
No wonder Cain killed his brother. He was
q tier of the ground. The wonder is that he
didn't kill his father, and then weep because
he hadn't grandfather to kill. No doubt his
Early Rose potatoes, for which he paid Adam
bugs, from the head waters of the Euphrates
His Pennsylvania wheat had been winter killed
and WASH worth cutting. His Norway oats
had gone to straw, and would not yield five
pecks per acre, and his black Spanish water
melons had been stolen by boys, who had pull
ed up the vines, broken down his patent picket
fence, and written scurrilous doggereI all over
his back gate. No wonder he felt mad when
he saw Abel whistng along with his fine
Eranoh DIN jolfo
and wool going up every day. No wonder he
wanted to kill somebody and thought he would
practice on Abel.
And Noahs getting drunk was not at all
surprising. He had become husbandmap.-
He had thrown away magnificent opportunities
lie might have had monopoly of any profess
sion or business. Had he studied medicine
there would not have been another doctor with
10 thousand miles to call him 'Quack - and
every family would have bought bottle of
'Noah's Compound Extract of Gopher Wood
and Anti-Deluge Syrup" AS politician he
might have carried his own ward solid, and
controlled two-thirds of the delegates in every
convention. AS lawyer, he would have been
retained in every case tried at Ararat Quarter
Session, Or the old Ark High Court Of Admi-
rality. But he threw away all these advanta-
ges and took to agriculture. For long time
the ground was so wet he could raise nothing
but sweet flags and bulrushes and these at last
became drug In the market. What wonder
that when at last he did get half peek of
grapes that were not stung to death by Japhet's
honey bees he should have made wine and
drowned his sorrows in the flowing bowl.
The TACT Is, agriculture would demoraize
SAINT; L was almost a saint when | went into
II. M demon now. I'm at war with every
tnlng. =, Il hight myself out of bed at O clock,
Wnen all my better nature tells me to lie still
t ,rnr Iefg o L nght myself into the garden to
me to stay in the house and erov mvsaf l H.;
man. fight the pigs, the Chickens ms the the
moles, the birds, the bugs, the worms@nverv.
thing IN which is the breath of life. I 6gbt /
the docks, the burdocks, the mullens. the TIC
tie, the grass, the weeds, the roots-the Who'll ,I
vegetable kingdom; | fight the heat, the
frost, the ram, the HAHN short, I fight the
universe and get whipped in every battle.