Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1871-04-20

u nOThe( 4 nest, atU when those
little flying belzebubs commence
pOkiD their sharp pinted snouts
deep into your carcass, you wrig-
gle about like ar 81 ia a frrin'.
pau, your tail gifts nntwisteb or
the b"ib breaks, that yon have
grabbed as tight as u leather
sucker does u brick bat, and yoD
rail-. cowhallop, upon the broken
glass bottles, which are always
strewl under the piZen Upas tree
OF pleasure!
Oh, the vanity of desirin the
slippery paths of This airth! You
run after 'em You pam, you blow
the parsPiration rms down you
like ~soapsuuds in u wasliiu' mu-
chine, yonr bod ID covered ever
with the prickly heat of anxiety,
rnd your feet with rha soft corns
of care and disappointment. Aud
what are I'll these s~ufferimgs for!
What makes your nose blse :,
and what makes your blood boil
like hot pitch at a tar gathering.
Why you've been runmin' after
the great shOat of Manmonl His
tail has been dipp'd in Satan's
lard kittle, aud when you think
you've got him fonl-when you'v
poured the ashes of ~.vexati"n on
yoIr palms, when you've dipd'd
your fingers into the sand glue of
experience add wisdom, so That
they'll stick fast and no mistake,
the cused critter gives II grunt
like the Dustin of a bladder, an |
his tail slips through your paws
like gerse-greas'd Ii ghtnin Oh, my
beloved hearers! how awful is
Your SITUATION III that particknler
time! You See the hoy that yon'-
We been runuin' after all your 4
born days way on over so far "a
head, and you're ever so ditto be-
hind! All yonr precautions have
come to what hickory wood will
in the winter time, smoked Your
trousers are split, your shirts
dirty, and your eyes are Stream
ing like two hor pers on u rainy
day Your head aches, and you
feel = the sra-turtles and can.
vasbacks rootin straight into
your skull. The feas Of despon-
dency bite you through the day
and bed-bugs of conscience as
big as sheep, keep you from sleep
at night. You're worse than a
man with his hands tied, laying
naked in the Rome swamp,
without a musketo bar!
Out of remorse springs just a.
bout ten million musketos, with ;
comic stockins on their legs, and
augers in their mouths, all BORN
straight through and through
your body, and 6lliu' up the holes
with c witch aud skunks' colo
gne. Your situation is too num-
erouf to mention. The moiusseS
hogahead of generosity and good
feelin' is ste we'd in, aud the sweet
stream of Kindness and humanity
is mixed with The tar, dead logs
ond drunkin nisgers, lying about
an the levee of vice and immor-
tality. The Mississippi of love is
at low water the steam boat OF
prayer and the broad horn OF faith
both laden with a rich cargo for
the country above, git cruelty
snaged OH the logs of despsir, and
both sink deep into the yaller
mud ofsin! The cat6shes of hell
which are born in the biiin
of intemperance, float
your Trains, and screech
owls of SORROW set 'boohOowiug'
in the hen cost of your hea ris
You're deserted and despised-
you're no more use 10 the world
than a pair of goggles are to a
stone blind man, and you're no
use to yourselves than the
Police of Utica are to a sick mig
gor baby?
Ard now, my beloved brethren
Pll take drink flor my throat is
az dry as a wet chemise which
has been I'm q hot s.n for three
and then I'll tell you how
you can turn the mill stream of
this world right slap on the wheel
of life, so as to grind the grain
of the spirit so fine that it'll make
dough-nuts for the Quigleys to
q Ny lamb like hearers! I will
now tell you how you come in
at the great sheep shearin' on the
judgment day, how you can sleep
in peace and quietness on the
straw of the grave, and no " you
can fill your stomach through life
with the tender grass OF joy, and
the cold silver water of thankful
mes. In the first place-nevcr
put out our arms further than
you can draw them in again
without getting them schorched-
If you do, Cline's Embrocation
won't save you Be content with
the fodder you have gathered in
the field of honesty, & never try to
steal your neighbors, because his