Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1871-06-29
The Josh Billings Papers.
awHAr KNo ABoUr rmARMIN. !"
What / kno about pharmin Is kussid

haz nit book with the abuv name, and
sitho / haven't had time tew peeroose it,
yet Idon't hesitate tew pronounce it bull
ly.
Pharmin (now daze) is pretty much all
theory, and therefore il amt astonishing
that man kan live in New York and be
a good Chancery lawyer, and also kno all
about pharmin-
A pharm (now daze) ov one hundred
akers will produce more bukwheat and
pumkins, run on theory, than 4 would
sixty years ago, run with p.anure and
hard knocks.
Thare is nothing like book farming, and
the time will eventually cum, when aman
Billings Farmers Allamnax," to run a
pharm, or kamp meeting with.
Even now it amt uncommon, tew sc
three, or four, hired men. on farm with
three, or four, spans ov oxen, all stand
ing still, while the boss goes into the
library, and reads himself for the days
pIoughing.
If i was running pharm (now daze)
suppose would rather have SO bushels
ov sum nu breed ov potatoze, raised the
DRY, than tew hav 81 bushels, got in the
mean, benighted. and underhanded way
ov our late lamented grandparents.
Pharmin, after all, is good deal like
the tavern bizzness, emmy body thinks
they kan keep hotel, (now daze,) and
emmy boldly thinks they kan pharm it
(nOw daze) and they kan, but this is the
way that poor hotels cum to be so plenty,
and this is lkewize what makes pbarmin
such easy, and profitable bizzness
Just take the theory out ov pharmin
and there ant no:hin left, but hard work,
and all fired lite krops.
into theory pharmin, az there is (now
daze,) and so menny ov them rushing out
again, think ov that remarkable piece
ov skriptur, which remark, "menny are
called, but few are chosen"
/ onst took pharm on shares miself,
and run her on some theorys, and the
thing figured up this way, dun all the
work. FURNISHED all the seed, and ma
nure, had the ague month out of II,
for mi share ov the profits, and the other
phellow paid the taxes on the pharm for
his share
BY mutual konsent quit the farm at
the end ov the year.
What know about pharInin amt with
Dragging about, and feel il mi duty to
state, for the benefit ov my kreditors, that
if they ever expekt me tew pay cents on
a dollar, they mustn't start me in the the
oretikal phar1nin employ.
If man really is anxious tew make
mummy on a pharm, the less theory he
lays in the better, and he must do pretty
much all the work himself and support
his family on what he kant sell, and go
ragged enuff all the time tew hunt bees
/ kno of menny planners who are so
affiikted with superstishum that they
wont plant single bean only in the last (
quarter ov the moon, and kno ov others 4
SO pregnant with science that they wont 4
set gate post until they have had the I
ground analized by sum professor of ana
tony, tew see if the earth has got the +
right kind of ingrediences for post holes I
This is what call running science into I
the ground
The fakt ov it il, that theories, of all !
kinds, work well except in praktiss; they 1
are too often designed to do the work ov
praktiss.
Thare Amt no theory IN braking (.
mule, only to go at him, with klub in
yure hand and sum blood in yure eve, |
and bake him, just as you would split
log.
What know about pharmin aint with /.
mulch emmy how, but undertook to brake +
kicking heifer once
/ read a treatiss on the subjekt, and
phollowed the directions cluss, and got
knokt endwaze il shout minits
then sot down, and thought the thing
over.
made up my mind that the phellow
who wrote the treatiss was more in the
treatiss bizzness than he was in the kick |
ing heifer trade.
i cum to the konklushum that what he
knu about milking hiking heifers he had
learnt by leaning over barn yard fence
and writing the thing up.
Z got up from my refiekshuns strength
ened, and went for that heifer
win draw a vail over the language
used, and the things did, but went in
TO win- and sroni
That heifer never bekum a cow.
This is one way tew brake a hiking
heifer, and after man has studdyed all
the books in kreashun on the subjek.
and tried them on, he will fall back onto
mi plan, and make up his mind, as did,
that hiking heifer is with more for beef
than she is for theoretick milk
| hav worked on pharm just long
enough tew kno that there liz no prayers
so good for the poor land as manure, and
no theory kan beat twelve hours each day
kSuAtAdzC CACCptcO,J w AOuCSb lhDOE dp-
piled to the sile.
/ am an old-pashioned phellow, and
hartily hate most nu things, bekauz l
have been beat by them so often
l never knu a pharm that waz worked
pretty mulch bi theory, but what waz for
sale, or to let, in a flu years, and never
knu pharm that waz worked bi manure
and muscle, on the good oldignorant way
ov our ancestors, but what waz handed
down from father to son, and alwuz waz
noted for razing brawny armed boys and
buxom lasses, and fust rate pOtatoze.
What kno about pharmin is nothing
but experience, and experience (now daze)
amt with cuss.
L. 4.