Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1871-06-08
Odds and Ends.

Odds and Ends.
Awestern editor reports money "close
but not close enough TO be reached"
travelling piano-player undertook to
whip an Illinois editor, and when he
got through he had only one ear for
| music.
An exchange says tersely, of a noted
Texan ruffian, that :. through the energy
OF sheriff, he now ornaments q rustic
graveyard
In Chicago it is fashionable to say
How well Mrs. is dressedl The
first time she has been out since her di-
vorce, too,"
Columbus, Ohio, has a clergyman who
both breaches aud practices. He preach
es on Sunday and practices (medicine)
the rest of the week
Miss Smithton, young lady of Asto-
ria, being asked to play the Maiden's
Prayer" cheeriully struck up" Mother,
may go out to swim!"
a Maine couple want to be divorced
because one of the pair keeps store and
the other keeps drunk, and the two oc-
y Young lady in Terre Haute insisted
on standing on her dress when she was
photographed, having heard that the
camera inverted the image.
\ Terrc Hautc lady oil twenty-nine
years has just succeeded in capturing
her fourth husband. She is in league,
probably, with some undertaken.
y case interesting 70 oculists has lust
come 10 notice. Ii i, that OF Young
lady who, instead of common pupil,
has a Columbia College student in her
eye.
Henry Dart, a negro, thought he was
a pile driver, and dropped from a fourth
story window in Boston to the sidewalk.
The stone stood il, and Darts rooms are
10 let.
Mrs. Scott. OF Kentucky, forbid her
husband entering the house when drunk.
and as he persisted, she shot him, and
mixed up lot of slugs with his vitals.
lie wont try to disobey her again very
soon.
Mrs. Stowe thinks there comes a time
after marriage when husband has
something else to do than to make direct
love 10 his wife. This is probably the
time when he is making love to another
mans wife.
\ Brooklyn gentleman took a hot
brick to bed with him one night, and In
about fourteen minutes a SOLITARY horse
man might have been seen going down
stairs with the warmest shirt tail that
any Brooklyn man ever experienced.
Mr. Seward, il is said has been nm
able, IN consequence of paralysis, to
raise glass OF water To his lips for two
Years. Many people around here find
great difficulty in accomplishing the same
ieat. but from other causes. we suspect.
Two travellers, stopping at De.
Moines hotel, came near losing their
lives by blowing out the gas on retiring
to bed. One OF them when asked if he
sinelt anything wrong, SAID yes, but he
thought 1t was the other fellows breath.
A married man in keene, \. H., has
got into trouble He took lady out To
ride the other evening, and when he
came home his wife found false curl
attached TO the button on the side of hi,
cap. lie wonders how it could have got
there.
The trustees of Boston cemetery,
among other inducements for patronage
| announce that :" the elevated position of
our receiving tomb, aud the whole in
side arrangement of it, gives a pleasant
and cheerful aspect never before found
III such an establishment
Mortimer Jones, OF an interior town
in Illinois, was recently tarred and
| teathered by his fellow citizens, because
he thought it proper 10 play croquet
twcnty-tour hours after his wife died.
and has brought the matter before ju-
ry to know ii these things can be.
n gentleman recently hired negro
| girl To act as servant in his house
| lhenceiorth the rooms We're not pedo-
lent OF roses. and the mistress OF the
house appealed to the girls feelings In
reply the girl said, Well, missis, gen
orally washes myself twice year, but
the fact Is, dis season I've neglected
myself"
A LADr's Wrr.-'.Atom," of the Har
card Adrocate, visited the French fair
and thus reports his experience: Young
Lady-Sir, wouldn't you like to buy
some tickets in punch-bowl? Atom
1
Lady Gnsinuatingly)-We wouldn t
YOU like to buy some cigars, then? Atom
(with very grave face-No thank YOU :;
never smoke. Young Lady Qosin.
patience)-Well I'd offer you some soap
il | thought you ever washed.
A speaker at Juvenile picnic in AS
toria, l.. l., is said 10 have delivered all
address of which the following is sam
pie:
You ought to be yer, kind to your
little sisters. once knew a bad bov
who struck his little sister a blow over
tie eve. Although she didn't fade and
die in the summertime when the june
roses were blowing, with sweet word:
of kindness on her pallid lips, she rosf
up and hit him over the head with ,
rolling pin, SO that he couldn't 90 t,
school Tor over month on account O
not being able to put on his hat"
The following scene transpired in al
eating house in this city Yesterday:
| Hungry Gent-What's the bill of far,
to-day!
Sable Attendant-Ros' bif, bifstek
4 ham an eggs, broiled tripe, fried oys
I ters, turtle soup.
+ Voice from distant table-What'
r that You say! Tirkle soup! What kim
= of tirkie?
! Audible "laffture" from sewers
I tables. Waiter looks puzzled, but fina
ly breaks into radiant smile, and An
wers:1
"Mud-tirkle.v
i Hungry Gent orders some on tho hal
shell