The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1871-06-28
The C0ckr0ach.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

The cockroach il n bug at large.
He is one Ov the luxuries ov civilisa-
tion.
He is easy to domestikatc, yielding
gracefully to ordinary Kindness, and
never deserving those WHO show him
proper acts of courtesy.
We are led to believe. upon cluss
examination ov the outward crusts of
these fashionable insekts, that they are
a highly successful inter-marriage be-
tween the brunette pismire and the
''articilus bevO." or common Ameri-
kan grasshopper.
Naturalists, however, differ. which
IL to DC lamented, for u diversity ov
sentiment upon matters so important
to the peace ov mind and moral add
vancement of mankind in the lump
creates distrust, and tends to sap the
suhtrata ov all bug nthicks.
But let the learned and polite phil
hair az much az they please about the
ancestral claims of the cockroach, it il
our dizziness and duty az bug scrutin-
izer to show the critter up az we find
him, without caring who hiz grand
father or grandmother aktnally waz.
There is no installing the fackt that
he il one of numerous family and that
liiz attachment to the home of his boy
hood speaks louder than thunder TO,
his attecktionate and unadulterated
natur.
He don't leave the place lie was born
at upon the slightest proyocation, like
the giddy and vagrant flea, or the
ferocioas bed bug, and until death {ol
some vile power, the invenshun oy
nan) knocks at hiz front door, he anG
hiz brothers and sisters may be seer
with the necked eye, ever aud auon
calmly climbing the white sugar bowl
or running foot races between the but
ter plates.
How strange it il that man, mad,
out ov dirt, the cheapest material il
the market, and the most plenty
should be SO determined to rid til,
world ov every living bug but himself
don't doubt, if he could hav hi
own way for six years, evry persona
cockroach would he knocked off from
the bosam ov the foOtstoOl, and no
even pair ov them lett to repair dom
ages with.
. Such liz man!
The cockroach is born on the fust o.
May and the fust ov November semi
annually, and is reddy for use in ft
teen days from date.
They are born from an egg-fou
from each egg, and consequently the
are all oy them twins. There is Ii
such thing in the annals ov natur q
a single cockroach.
} The material bug don't set upon til
+ egg as the goose doth, but leaves thel
lie around loose, like pint of spi
mustard seed, and mont seem to care
darn whether they get ripe OF not.
But I never knew cockroach eg
fail to put in an appearance. They al
+ as sure to hatch out and run as hanad
:, thistlcs or a bad kold.
The cockroach is of two colors, Sol
rel and black. They are always o
, the move, and kan trot, l should sa.
/ on a good track, and good day, clu!
to three minits.
Naturalits have also declared til;
q the cockrOach has no double teeth.
This is an important fackt, and ougl
II lew iutO III luO
: schoolbooks of Amerika.
But the most interesting features
: this interesting book bugg il the low
q lyness ov their natures. They kan
bite nor sting, nor scratch. nor ev,
9 jaw back. They are SO amiable that
q have known them tew get stuck in Il
4 butter, and lay there all day, and n
. boiler for help, and aktuafly die Wi
a broken heart.
:, . To realize the meekness ov the
v accomplishing little fellows, let Il
= pliilosophic mind just for one momel
4 compare them to the pesky flea, wi
a light upon man in liiz strength and w
y man in her weakness like red hot sho
+ or to the warbling musketo, wild fro
a Nujersey cat-tail marsh, with h
:. dagger in hiz mouth, akeing for blood
a or, horror ov horrors! to the midnis
4 bed bugg, who creeps out ov crack ;
q still and az lean as a shadow, ar
: bitches on to the bosom ov beauty Lii
$ a starved leech.
- Evry man has right to pick |,
+ playmates, but az for me, l had rath
visit knee deep among cockroach
If than to hear the dying embers OF
l. muskeeter's song in the room jinein
4 or to know that there waz just one b,
# bugg left in the world, and he W
q waiting for mi handle to 60 out al
n for me to pitch into bed.
In conclusion, to show that I all
fooling, would be willing, if 1 h;
= them, to swap ten fust-class feas al
n time for small sized cockroach, al
d if the fellow complained that l HI
% shaved him in the trade, I would 1
T. turn the cockroach and sware that ,
9 waz even.
y