Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1871-02-09
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

souri,.
An 1xross1BLE QuArr1rr-Too much
money.
To GIVE MAN a HARD NAMs-Call
him brick fsF
THE FIVE GREAT PoFERs."-Love,
money, ambition, revenge, and good din
ner. t
A MAN has been held in $500 bail, in
Philadelphia, for working mule that had
the use of but three legs.
A YOUNG lady, being asked by an enthu-
siastic politician which party she was most
in favor Of, replied that she preferred q
wedding party.
A LITTLE girl, sent out to hunt eggs,
came back unsuccessfully, complaining
that lots of hens were standing round
doing nothing" ys M
SIR, you have broken your promise, !"
said one gentleman to another. "Oh,
never mind, ! can make another just as
good" tes 0a sg, .f!a s.
A NEW HAMPSHIRE couple, unable to-
determine which Of the three clergymen
in their town should tie the marriage knot
for them, selected the man by lot.
A CHINAxAN, who had his nose cut of
during little alteration, in San Francis
co, had it carefully packed and sent back
home, to show his friends one of the
American customs.
AN economic fellow says, when lis
stockings wear out he sews up the toes
straight across, and puts them on his foot
the other way, thus making good fit for
square-toed boots. fns.
A GENTLEMAN visiting Glasgow for the
first time, and falling in with very wet
weather, inquired of person In the street
if it always rained in Glasgow. "Na," was
the answer; it snaws sometimes"
J. HoRNER writes: II want q receipt
for grouse.pudding" BY all means, re-
plies an exchange. Nothing easier. Send
the grouse. pudding here, and well return
you q receipt for it by bearer.
A PLEADING CITIZEN" entered GER
tain newspaper establishment of Boston,
recently, and requested information about
the name of firm in this city (naming the
street) that sold oblong tea.
A GENTLEMAN travelling in Ireland said
to a very importunate beggar, You have
lost your teeth" The beggar quietly an
swered, " An it's time-I parted with um,
when I'd nothing for um to do"
"IsAY, boy, is there anything to shoot
around here ?" inquired sportsman Of
boy he met. Well" replied the boy,
+" nothing just about here, but our school
master is Just over the hill there cutting
birch-rods, you might walk up and pop
him over" a8.f.le.
SOME wretch has stolen the thermometer
from the office Of the Fond du Lac Re-
porter. The paper informs the thief that 1t
will be no use to him where he is going,
as it does not work higher than three hun
dred and thirteen.
A LITTLE girl of ten, whose knowledge
of geography is somewhat imperfect, on
hearing her father speak of going to the
polls to vote, very innocently required if
the people of the tropics voted at the
equator. m fs 85 4
ONE of the Oswego IN. " papers
publishes a sermon from the manuscript
of devine who was in the habit of using
single straight mark for the" The
compOsitor invariably set it the figure 1.
The clergyman used "g" for God, and in
every case 1t was printed the figure 80"
Readers thought 1t was one gigantic con-
undrum, composed by lunatic.
WE'VE all got our little weaknesses.
Browns little weakness is this: When he
and Mrs. Brown 60 to dinner party, they
do it in style; and he naturally likes his
entertainers fiunkeys to think that the
euuipage he has hired for the occasion is
his own. Brown tin loud voice 30
Come for us at eleven, John" The
coachman lin q louder)-" Hall right, sir
What name shall ask forv
IT is remarkable, says the New York
Tribune, that our wealthiest citizens are
all at an age when most men are too infirm
for affairs, and yet they are not only hale
and vigorous, but actively engaged in con.
Quoting their immense business. William
B. Aston is nearly 70; Alexander T. Stew.
art, 10; Cornelius Vanderbilt, rs; Daniel
Drew, II; Peter Cooper, 70; George Law,
SO; while the majority of our millionaires
are over 60. 4Hi 81
SOME young men In Bangor, Me-, who
heard marvellous stories of the number OF
pickerel caught thereabout through the
Ice, started out the other day to do q little
fishing for themselves, and told an inquisi-
tive country cousin, whom they met on
their way, that they had not included an
axe in their otherwise complete outfit be-
cause there "were lots of people fishing
there last winter, and they could fish
through last years holes"
A LONDON baker has his bill-heads
printed upon paper of three different col
Ors--red, green, and white. The object OF
this is to avoid the necessity of giving in
structions to the man who delivers the
bread, flour, etc, to the customers, as
when the bill is made out upon red
paper, it denotes danger" and he is not
to leave the gods without the cash If on
green paper, IL denotes caution as the
customer is doubtful, and the man 10 to
get the money if he can; if on white, it is
safe to leave any quantity Of goods on
credit. a t5sa aes
LITTLE LIPs.- ~ F
Little lips. 20 gently pressing,
Little fingers, sOft cafessing;
oh, the bosom Of mother
Knows more Joy than any other.
Little feet 80 early straying,
Little wills soon dbobeying;
M Oh, the bosom OF mother, ia
Knows more care than any otheri
!" Little knees, our stiff knees shaming,
Little lispe, the father namingi
Oh, this fathers heart, mother
Knows more truly than anotheri ~