The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-07-23
Merning Star and Catholic Messenger.
WIT AND WISDOM.
NEW ORLEANS. SUNDAY. JULY %. ls7l.

WIT AND WISDOM. A
poor place-The alms-house.
A terrible bOre-A ffteen-inch gun.
The needlewoman's exclamation-Ahem!
cooperative movement-The treadmill.
What loses it's flavor when we borrow it
Wit.
The cue which all drowning men want
Rescue.
Was it at rattle that the man won the pub
lie cart
How to accumulate real estate-Never wash
yourself.
Levity in manners is succeeded by laxity in
principles.
Let rebukes always be soft words with hard
What trade never turns to the left
wheelright.
A joint affair, with but single party to it
Rheumatism.
A literary class-Builders they are always
finishing stories.
The city Of worms.
The worst kind of education-To be brought
up by policeman.
What is the highest pitch of the voice. The
place where it sticks.
1t is mistake to suppose the sun is support
cd in the sky by its beams.
What utility is there in killing hogs, if they
are cured directly afterwards
A good tonic for debilitated young ladies'
Iron. A better CONDITIONING.
The tongue, like race-herse, generally runs
faster the less weight it carries.
Foul play-To be served with an old hen
when you call for q spring chicken.
Can an unvarnished tale " in any way be
regarded as polished production.
Which are the gayest letters in the alpha
betf Those that are always in fun.
Does an actor always act in friendly spirit
when he takes another actors partf
We may joke when we please, II we are al
ways careful to please when we joke.
Were it not for the tears that fill our eyes,
what an ocean would food our hearts.
Wanted, by O market gardener, expert
enced cooper, to assist in beading cabbages.
Why is q cowardly soldier like butteri Be-
cause he is sure to run when exposed to fire.
| An old bachelor is traveller on life's rail-
road who has failed to make the proper con-
nections.
/ What two counties in Ireland would you
suppose to be lighter in weight than the rest
Cork and Down.
Carlyle says, Make yourself a good man,
and then you will he sure there IL one rascal
! less in the world"
A coroner's jury recently returned a verdict
on the body of poor fellow, death by hang
ing around the tavern
We have heard of but one woman who kissed
4 her cow, but there are thousands of young ones
who have kissed great calves.
At what time of life may a man be said to
belong to the vegetable kingdom: When
long experience has made him sage.
1t is said that certain aristocratic temper
ance men have refused to have anything to do
with water, because it is so often drunk.
What is the difference between half glass
of water and a broken engagement The one
IS not filed full and the other is not fulfilled.
To destroy ants tho best plan is, probably,
10 catch the ant with pair of tweezers, and
hit him square on the head with sledge ham
mer.
A minister not long ago preached from the
4 text, "Be We therefore steadfast," but the
printer made him expound from Be ye there
4 for breakfast"
"Have you Blasted Hopes ?" asked a lady
of green lbraria9s hose . face was much Oh
replied, " but I've u blasted toothache."
What for dey coll dis sort o. wool mohair.
y DAT dar kim off goat and dey calls it mohair
a. lsaze goat have mohair dan a sheep"
John Randolph was once on a race course
81 solicited to bet by stranger, who said,
= Smith, here. will hold the stakes" just
So" renlied Randolph; "but who will hold
Smithp
On q certain occasion of eclipse in Vir-
cina a colored individual became greatly
elated. "Bress de Lord" said he, "de nigger's
time bab come at last, and ow ives gwine to
= nab black SUM-"
An old bachelor recently gave the following
8 toast woman, the morning star of infancy,
the day star of manhood, the evening star of
81 age. Bless our stars, and may they always be
kept at telescope distances"
A paper puts the matter which it wishes to
enforce in the following neat manner: " You
might as well try to shampoon an elephant
with thimbleful of soap-suds, as to attempt
20 do business without advertising"
An old coats advantages are numerous.
People will not think it worth while to pick
S your pockets, the ladies will not bother you
with their insatate love, and you will not be
leased to take tea with your acquaintance.
Johnny" said one of the boys to be-
.eaved friend whoIhad just lost his father, Eyer
behaved well at the funeral" "oh, pshaw~
replied Johnny, with the air of one whose
merits are only half recognized; "you should
lave seen me at the grave"
"Gve me chew of tobacco" said one man
% another. "Will yon have that winch just
% be good 2" "That which you know to be
good, Of course" The man took the quid from
mis- mouth and handed it to his friend, saying,
There, know that's good, for / have been
.rying it for the last hour"