davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06
The Kentucky speech will do fol

The Kentucky speech will do for
all the South, exeeptin South Caro-
lima and Mississippi. In those
States yoose the speeches made for
Massachusetts, for in those States
the niggers are in the majority; and
in them the finger Of skorn must be
pinted at them wich wont recognize
their manhood. You mite also con
clood in these States with CLOWN
triboot to their present and future
grcatnis.
| wood also suggest to our speek-
crs the strictcst abstin!n from In
toxicatin floods for at least three
hours before each speech. Liker he2
i tendency to muddle, and the times
require clearncss. l thought | Good
indulge without danger, and the re-
suit Of four drinks wuz that | made
the Moo York speech in Pennsyl-
yany, and the Kentucky speech in
Iowa. i'pinted the finger NV skorn
at the wrong people in all Nv them
places, and got my CLOWN triboots
to their greatIis horribly mixed.
The speakers may fill themselves
ez they choose after meetins, but
never before.
Ef this programme is faithfully
carried out, ] hev no doubt ez to
the result. Victory is ours et We
don't fool away our opportunities.
PETROLEUM V. NAsBY, p. NJ,
(Wich wuz Postmaster
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06
THE COUNTRY LIFE.

Net what we would, but what we must,
Makes up the sum of living;
Heaven is both more and less than just
In taking and in giving.
Swords ceave to hands that sought the plow,
And laurels miss the soldiers brow.
Me whom the city holds, whose feet
Have worn its stony highways,
Familiar " ith its lOnliest street,
Its ways were never my ways.
NV cradle was beside the sea,
And there, hope, my grave Will be-
Old homestead lin that old, gray town,
Thy yanc is seaward blowing;
Thy slip of garden stretches down
To where the tide is flowing:
Below they lie, their sails all furled
The ships that 20 about the world.
Dearer that little country house,
Inland, with pines beside it;
Some peach trees, with unfrutful boughs,
well, with weeds to hide ii;
No flowers, or only such as rise
Self-sown-poor things which all desplse.
Dear country home! can forget
The least of thy sweet trifles?
The window vines that Chamber yet,
Whose bloom the bee still rifles!
The roadside blackberries, growing ripe,
And in the woods the Indian pipe:
Happy the man who tills his field,
Content with rustic labor;
Earth does TO him her fulness yield,
Hap what may to his neghbor.
Well DAYS, sound nights can there be
A life more rational and free?
Dear country life of child and man!
For both, the best and strongest,
That with the earliest race began,
And has outlived the longest:
Their cities perished long ago;
Who the first farmers were We know
Perhaps our Babels too will fall,
fso, no lamentations.
For Mother Earth will shelter all,
And feed the unborn nations.
Yes the swords that menace now,
Will then be beaten to the plow
r. II. .Stcdi031.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06
n Model Love Letter.

Mrs. Myrcs, a blooming widow
of thirty at Onondga, n. ", and
the possessor of three pledges of
affection by her former spouse, re-
Gently brought action for breach of
promise Of marriage against one
Harris, and produced in evidence,
the following unique and tender
epistlc. The court very properly
mulcted the imaginative but faith
less swain in the sum of $500
damages:
"MY DEAR MEs. M.:-Every time
| think of you my heart tiops up
and down like a churn dashcr.-
Sensations of unuterable JOY caper
over it Ike young goats on a stable
roof, and thrill through it like Span
ish needles through pair Of tow
linen trowsers. As a gosling swim
meth with delight in a mud-puddle,
so swim l in a sea of glory. Wis
ions Of ecstatic rapture thicker than
the hairs Of blacking brush, and
brighter than the humming bird S
pinons, visit me in my slumbers;
and, borne on their invisible wings
your image stands before me, and |
reach out to grasp it like pointer
swapping at blue butterfly
When | first bchcld your angelic
perfections I was bewildercd, and
MY brain whirled round like bum
blc-bee under a glass tumbler. My
eyes stood open like y cellardool
in a country town, and l lifted W
my ears to catch the silvery accents
OF your voice My tongue refused
to wag, and in silent alteration
drank in the sweet infection of love
as a thirsty man swalloweth q tum
bier of hot whisky punch.
"Since the light Of your face fel
upon my life | sometimes feel as i
/ could lift myself up by tht
boot-straps to the top of the ohurcl
steeple, and pull the bell-rope fol
singing school. Day and night 20,
are in my thoughts. When Aurora
blushing like bride, rises from
her saffron colored couch; whel
the iay-bird pipes his tunoful lay il
the apple tree by the spring-house
when the chanticleer's shrill clarion
heralls the coming morn; when III
awakening PIG All scs from his be-
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06
An ARccIote OF Earo1oss Eurdst
Coutts.

Mrs. Laura Curtis Bullard writes
to the Go'tfen .ige this story:
OF course she is a well-known and
most welcome customer at all the
fashionable shops in London, but
she is not so familiar habitue OF
the shops Of Paris. During a visit
to this latter city, not very long
since, she learned the death Of u
distant relative, and she went to
purchase mourning to the shop, the
Trois Quarters, Il large dry goods
establishment something like ''to
compare great things with SMALL -
our own Stewards.
She asked for mourning dress
goods, and was shown by one of
the attentive shopmen to the proper
department. "pleasc show this
lady mourning stutls,' he said,
"two-ten."
Miss Coutts made her selection
and then asked for mourning collars;
the clerk who had waited upon her
accompanied her to the proper
counter. "Please show this lady
mourning collars-two-ten," said he
and left her. From this depart
ment she went to look for mourning
pocket handkcrchicfs, escorted by
the clerk, who passed her over to
his successor with the request,
''show this lady pocket handlser
chlciS-tWo-tcn.
AS she had still ether articles to
buy, she WAS escorted from counter
to counter, department to depart
ment, and every where those caba-
listic words, ''two-tcn," were re-
peatcd BY one clerk to another.
Struck by the peculiarity Of this
refrain, she asked the proprietor as
she left the establishment, ''Pray
what does tv often mean? | noticed
each clerk said it to the other in
your shop"
"Oh, it is nothing" he replied;
"merely password that they are
in tie habit Of exchanging"
But Miss Coutts was not satisfied
with this explanation. Her woman's
curiosity was piqued, and she re-
solved to unravel the riddle. So in
the evening, when the porter, a
young man, brought home her pur-
chascs, after paying her bill, she
said, "My boy, would you like to
earn FIVE francs?:'
OF course lie had no objection to
DO so, and only wanted to know in
what way he could do it.
"Tell me-" said the lady, "what
does 'two-ten' mean. ! will give
you five francs"
"Why, don't you know, ma'am??"
said he, evidently amazed at her ig-
norance. at means keep your two
eyes Oh her ten fingers.
The mystery was solved at last.
All the clerks in the Trois Quarters
had taken the richest woman in
Great Britain for a shoplitter.
She tells the story with great
custo, and one of her friends, to
whom she had related it in Paris,
rapoa+nl ~ IA mo
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06
An Original Obituary Notice.

The editor of the Colorado
NSraM had occasion to leave town
for three or four days, and he com
mitted his paper during his absence
to the charge Of q young man, a
novice in journalism, whom he had
just engaged as assistant. Before
leaving he instructed the ambitious
roung editor not to permit any
chance to 90 unimproved to force
the paper and its very small sub
scription price upon the attention Of
the public. "Always keep before
your mind the fact that the object Of
this paper is to extend its circula-
tion," he said; "and whenever you
see a chance to insert puff of the
Uerd1d in any notice You may
make, pile it as thick as You can.
Keep the people stirred up all the
time, you understand, so that they
Will believe that our own paper is
! the greatest sheet in the United
States.'
The parting tear was shed, and
the editor lett. The followiae
night, while he was far away truA
home, his wife died very suaceAly.
Upon the assistant devolvc | the IN
pleasant duty Of annGlncing The
sad intelligence to the publ ttt
did it as follows:
"'GoNE, But NOT FORGOTTEN.
We are compelled, this morning,
to perform a duty which in peculiar
" painful to the able assistant edi-
tor, who has been engaged on this
paper at an enormous expense, IN
accordance with our determination
to make the Nera1d a frst-class
Journal. Last night, death sudden
" and unexpectedly snatched away
from her domestic hearth (the best
are advertised under the head of
Stoves and Furnaces, upon our
first pagc) Mrs. Agatha Burns, wife
of Rufus =. Burns, the gentlemanH
editor of the Xeratd. Teyms, three
dollars a year, invariably in ad-
vance. \ kind mother and exem-
piary wife. Office over Colcman's 5
grocery, up two flights stairs.
Knock hard. "Wc shall miss thee.
mother, we shall miss thee" Job
printing solicited. Funeral at ~
O'Clock, from the house Just across
the street from the Ueraid office.
Gone TO be an angel now. Adver-
tisements inserted for ten cents n
square"
Well, the editor arrived at home
that day at noon. Slowly and sad
" he was observed to arm himself
with double -barreled fowling piece
into which he inserted two pounds
and a half of bullets. He marched
over to the Office followed by an
immense crowd. The assistant edi-
tor was busy at the time painting 4
big placard to be tackled on the
hearse. 1t bore the legend: "Buy
your collins of Simms, over the
Ueruid Office" The assistant cdi-
tor cast his eyes around and per
.ccived his chief. Care was set up
: on that wan check, and thunder
clothed his brow. He leveled his
gun. The assistant did not wait
With one wild and awful yell he
jumped from the second story and
struck out for the golden shores OF
the Pacific 1t is believed that h,
eventually swan over to China
But there is only one editor now
and the clerk in the Office has stand
! ING orders TO blow out the brains o
, amy man who brings an obituary
notice to that paper.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06

in shawl to die, and say, with sor.
rowful assurance: Behold woman
Gas God made her?"
Woman as God made her? AS
man and the Devil and her own
cowardice have made her! God
never made such women as are era
ding the next generation in this
land to-day. Side by side with "fe-
male illiteracy," female fecbleness
is running a race among us. Neg
lccted brains and tortured bodies
are working their own work in their
own sure way upon our actual and
possible mothers. Thoughtful ply
sicians are perplexed and alarmed.
Huxley and Darwin cannot save us.
We are beautiful, useful and ele-
waited class of animals; the world
has done the right thing by us; it
has stalled and fed us; it has pet
ted and praised us; who can com
plain? 1t may be inconvenient to
find the animals resentment of
some mistake in the treatment re-
sulting in the deterioration of the
stock, and the loss Of its valuable
traits; but it is very logical, it is
severely natural, it all came about
somehow from "protoplasm," and
beyond "protoplasm' who Shall
dare to speculate?
But perhaps the most significant
of the patent causes of woman's
physical inferiority is the education
to which she is subjected. a man
is trained to be strong. A woman
is trained not to be. Good health
is eopected of man. Ill health is
eapected of a woman. In this sim
pie difference lies coilcd complex
influence. The expectations of So
ciety are to an, all but mathematical
extent the limits Of the individual.
What others look for in us, that we
are. The worlds theory of us is
our fact. We know ourselves
generally only as our neighbors
guess at us.
1t remains for us to learn how far
the physical disabilities of women
are necessary or contingent to her.
Savage people, and ruder ages
are and were ignorant Of the acct
dent Of much physical inferlorlty
which civilized women Of to-day
consider the substance Of existence.
Yet neither have Bushman nor
Pilgrim mothers ever been the in
dcx Of their own physical powers;
for women have never yet been
mistresscs of their own physical
training. Mans muscular Chris
tianity is an impulse; woman's a
response; his system; hers an ap-
pendage; his empirical; hers expe-
rimental.
Will a woman 60 to the Office in
a sleet- or run for the doctor
Oh dark night, or meet burglar at
the back door? Who knows? Upon
her tiniest listening ears fell the
hint that it was graceful and bccom-
ing in woman to abe timid." VIII
she chop wood, manage Il sail-boat,
go blue-iishing, look after the bag
gage, when a man is about to do it
for her? Who can tell? 1t was
grown with her growth, and
strengthened with her strength, that
these things are as far beyond her
"sphere" as the glory Of the South
ern Cross. How shall we say what
she can or what she cannot, where
lies her margin, whore her text?
Her strength and her weakness are
alike, at present, abnorlnally de-
veloped.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06

and grunteth, and goes for his
morning refreshments; when the
drowsy beetle wheels his droning
flight at sultry noontide; and when
the lowing herds come home At
milking time,I think of thee; and
like a piece of gum elastic, my heart
seems stretched clear across my
bosom. Your hair is like the name
of q sorrel horse powdered with
gold; and the brass pins skewcred
through your waterfall fill me with
unboundcd awe. Your forehead is
smoother than the elbow Of an old
coat. Your eyes are glorious to
behold. In their liquid depths l
see legions Of little Cupids bathing
like cohort of ants in an old army
cracker. When their fire hit me
upon my manly breast, it penetrated
my whole anatomy, as load OF
bird-shot through q rotton apple
Hour nose is from chunl, OF Parian
marble, and your mouth is puci,erel
with sweetness, nectar fingers on
your lips, like honey on a bears
paw; and myriads of untcdcea kiss
es are there, ready to tiy out and lieAt
somewhere, like bluebirds a., a.
their parents nest. Your lla4l.
rings in my ears like tle w...1
harp's strain, or the blcat NJ aa
stray lamb on the bleak hill jd2.-
The dimples Of your check are like
the bowers Of roses, or hollows in
cakes Of homemade sugar.
81 am dying to fly to thy presence,
and pour out the burning eloquence
of my love, as thrifty housewives
pour out hot coffee. Away from
you, ! am rs melancholy rs sick
rat. Sometimes | can hear the
June bugs of dependency buzzing
in my ears, and feel the cold lizard
of despair crawl down my back. Tn
couth fears, like q thousand min
nows, nibble at my spirits, and my
soul is pierced with doubts like an
old cheese is bored with shippers.
"My love for you is stronger than
the smell Of Cotity's patent butter,
or the kick of a young COW, and
more unselfish than n kittens FIST
caterwaul AS a song-bird hanrcrs
for the light of the day, the cautious
mouse for the fresh bacon in the
trap, as a pup bankers for new milk,
50 ! long for thee:"
"You are fairer than q speckled
pullet, sweeter than a yankee dough-
nut fried in sorghum molasses,
brighter than & top-not rlumage or
the head Of a muscovy duck. You
are candy, kisses, raisins, pound
cake, aad sweetencd toddy alto
gethcr.
''If these few remarks will enable
You to see the inside Of my soul, and
me to win YOUR affections, shall be
rs happy as q woodpecker on 4
cherry tree, or a StagehorSc III 4
green pasture. If You cannot re
ciprocatc my thrilling passions, |
Will pune away like a poisoned bed-
bug, and fall away, from flourish
ing vine of life, IN untimely branch !:
and in coming years, when the
shadows grow from tie hills, and
the philosophical frog sings his
evening hymns, YOU, happy III anoth-
er's love, can come and drop tear
and catch 4 cold upon the last rest
ING place Of
Yours ailectionately, 'H.'
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06
The following exquisite Bit Of
humor is from the san Francisco
.Ne5rs Lfttel...

The following exquisite bit Of
hunor is from the san Francisco
-Ne3rS letter..
"Boodlerorstcr il dead. The
1ate a.aouaeemeut will plunge the
city iGlo unspcakabie Gloom. The
death Of Boollepol>ter WAS most
untimely; he should taye died
TN 2utY Years ago. Probably no
E..,a ii his day has cxer,cd 50 pc
culiar IN influence upon society ~
the deceased. Ever foremost III
every GOOD work out Of which anv-
thing could be made, IN unstinted
dispenser Of every species Of char
lty that paid Il commission 10 the
dispenser, Mr. Boodlcllops,cr wasa
model of generosi y, and weighed
at the time of his death one hun
dred and ninety odd pounds. Origi-
nally born in Massachusetts, for ten
years a resident q. California, and
partially bald, possessing 4 cosmo-
politan nature that loved York
shilling as well, in proportion to its
value, as i Mexican dollar, the sub
ect OF our memoir was one whom
it was an honor to know. and whose
close friendship was a luxury that
only the alfiueut could afford. 1t
shall ever be the writer's proudest
beast that he enjoyed il at less than
half the usual rates. Mr.. Is. was
the founder Of the now, famous Boo
dlepopster lnstitate, and for years
preceding his death suffered severe
" from a so.t cora, which has prob
ably done AZ much for agriculture
as amy similar concern III the foot
hills ot the state. In 1868 lie was
elected an honorary member of tho
Society for the Prevention OF hu-
manlty to Mongolians, and but for
the loss Of an eye in carrying out
its principles, would have been one
of the handsomcst whites that ever
resided among them. But there is
littie doubt that he might have as
plred to any office III the gif, Of the
people, SO universal WAS the esteem
in which he WAS held by those he
voted for. In an evil moment he
was induced TO associate himself in
business with the Rev. Albert VII,
liams, and thoUgh he speedily with
drew from the firn, he was never
able wholly to eradiate The disgrace
from his constitution, ana it finally
carried him to the grave. His last
words, rs he snutcd out, were char
acteriajic Of the man; he remarked:
Fetch me that catni., gea!'. The
catnip conseIalion arrived TOO late
ta be OF aHy use; hc has gone to
the devil. Farewell, noble heart,
manly soal, bright Ia e,eet No
shall meet again.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06

Oregon claims that its lumbor
business is now its most impor-
tant trade. 1t has grown t. cnor-
nous proportions during the past
few years.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06
Mark Twain on tho Euisar rccs tha
Lnfest Railroad Trains.

And there were the pcddlers. |
bought out the popcorn boy to get
rid of him, because | was trying to
compose poem for young lady's
album, and did not want to be dis
turbed. But he came right back
with a stock of peanuts. | took a
few and hurried him away, and he
returned with some ice cream candy.
| don't like ice cream candy and
peanuts together, but | invested at
once, because an inspired rhyme
had been born to me, and ! wanted
to set it down before it slipped my
mind. Then the scoundrel came
back to me with tobacco and cigars
and afterwards with oranges, i'm
imitation ivory baby whistles, fig
paste and apples. Then he went
away and was gone some time, and
| was encouraged to hope the train
had run over him. He was only
keeping his most malignant outrage
to the last. He was getting his lit
erature ready.
And from that time forward that
degraded youth did nothing but
march from one car to another and
atilict the passengers with specimen
copies of the vilest bloodand-thun-
der romances on earth. ''Thc Per
iurer's Doom" and "The Despera-
dos Revenge" were some Of his
milder works, and on their backs
were pictures of stabbing affrays
and duels, and people showing other
people over precipices, and wretch
ed wood cuts of women being res
cucd from terrible perils of all
kinds, and they are always women
who are so criminally homcly that
any right minded man would take
placid satisfaction in seeing them
suffer sudden and violent DEATH
But that peddler boy peddled these
atrocious books right along tol
hours together, and | gave up my
poem at last, and devoted all my
energies to driving him away, and
trying to say things that would
make him unhappy.
Republicans have had control O
Iowa for seventeen years. Judging
from Democratic example, people
have said that any and every party
when it has been few years il
power, grows corrupt and takes ba,
men for Office. In this its seven
teenth year of power in this State
the Republican party and admins
tration is as careful, diligent, hon
est and economical as it was in til,
very first year of its ascendancy.-
Its State tax levy is two mills on th,
dollar; and there are no purer o
better men in the State than thos
upon its ticket. Each man upon i
is IN active working member o
some branch of the christian churcl
and perfectly pure and upright il
character. Democratic demoraliza
tion when in office has furnished
maxim of the decay of party purit
in time that has not, so far, trul
applied to the Republican party
| (yuye (jfu
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06
d. d. EOLDEEDGE

A TToRNEY AT LAW, Notary Public and Real
q CoIlections nay Taxes Examine Titles, Collect
Rents. and sell Real Estate. Also Licensed Gov,
,rnmeat Claim Agent Will prosecute and coilec'
Ill claims against the Government, lheinilhs Ien re !,
.ons BACK paw. Bounty. Sc once in the Cafall
Block over Glass store.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06
i. s, WOODWARD,

4 TrORNEY AT LAW and General Land Agent
"A IndeDendedcc, Iowa. Oaice III WILCOX ni
Particular attention given to Collections, anu he
nittnnces promptly made.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06
e. II. HUNT.

r ICENSED iUCTIOEEER, independence, 10
wa VIII sell Real Estate and Personal Prop
,rty of every description. Subtraction Guaran
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06
LEE & WEART.

A TTORNEyS AT LAW. Notary's Pnohc an
a claim AGENTS Olice in WilcoX's NeV
block. up stairs, Independence, Iowa. lily
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06
;. = EGR2IE,

D-. Ty. Il. Il z EET. M. Q.
nFFICE and Residence Corner OF court ana
~ Blank Sts, north of CathoH; Church. +l-u
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-10-06
Business Cards
xv G.. g. 7. z. DONNAN,
HART g. CURTIS

r AW, CONVEYANCING, WAR CLAiA, IN IN
| .urance, Tax and Land Agency once. ONO
in Leytzc's Block, Independence, Iowa