The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-02-18
HOME MATTER 3.
PEPPER, SALT AND SPICE

PEPPER, SALT AND SPICE.
The agricultural editor Of the Streator Noni.
tor has lately got into labyrinth of difficulties.
He had cow and the COW had calf, and these
animals were pastured in neghbor's field. An.
other neighbor and the agricultural ink slingist
aforesaid, made horse trsds, and the calf above
alluded to was thrown in as boot Some weeks
afterwards the editor, while going BY his neigh.
bor's pasture, saw his own COW and fine fat
oAM Having forgotten about the ''hoss" trade,
he concluded that the calf was fat enough to
butcher, and meeting . butcher sold him the
calf, and agreed to catch that lively brute and
tie him, ready for the cart but the calf refused
to b caught, though the agricultural ink scat.
terist begged, ooaxed, threatened, cussed and
swore att Next day he called upon his neigh.
Dor, who owned the pasture, to help him. When
that gentleman came, and he looked around, saw
the cali, and exclaimed: why, Fuller, what
are you doing7" Fuller-"Ive sold this darned
calf to the butcher, and want to catch it," 1.-THE
de- you do" said his neighbsr, "thats my calf
"Sse here" said Fuller, meme Of your foolia !;
maybe you'll claim tho COW next Didn't turn
my csw and calf in here a month ago ?" Neigh.
bor.-"Yes, and didn't you give Brown that calf
as boot in "hoss" trade" Fuller, suddenly re-
aecting-"Yes, I-be gosh derned if I don't be-
lieve didw Rvsr since he has been explaining
it to the boys with cigars, Co.. Here 10 good
''one." Recently, while his Honor, our Circuit
Judge, was holding cosrt at Yorkville, Kendall
county, Judge Parks, a we'll known lawyer, was
sloquently commenting upon breach OF contract.
Said be, in using we'll known quotation from
Shakespeare, HE holds. the word of promise to
the ear. and breaks it to the hope," in the Ian.
guage of Scripture. Here the Judge interrupted
him with: "Mr. Parks will you be kind enough
to give rs the verse and chapter of that quota.
tionS" Parks, turning dignifedly, and without
smile, and addressing the Court knowing
your Honsr's ignorance Of the Scriptures, had
been addressing the Court, should have refer.
,ed TO the chapter and verse but as was ad.
dressing . jury Of intelligent and wel.read men
knew it was unnecessary" The Court joined
in the laughter that followed -. There is con.
siderable rivalry between Jim Cross and Ike
Fredenburg. the landlords Of the opposition hotels
in this city, the Galloway houso and the jail
Lately Jim went to great expense in importing
. cook, ria balloon, from Paris. Fred. got around
tho old lady, and by his seductive ways enticed
her away, and new she cooks for the Hotelde.
Fred. Jim proposes to get out an attachment for
her. prove an abb and wind up with his own
affidavit as recruiting testimony e. The Republican
announces q hop at the Cliff on, March lat. Not
having heard Of such hop before. we presume it
il "bsne6t" for the Republican. Tha, paper
being too modest to mention the names of the
managers, We give them as follows: Floor man.
sger. Sapp Music by Cullen's ACCORDION band.
The music for the fast dances will be done on a
snare drum not having bass drum, An empty
salt barrel and CLUB will be substituted Cold
bean supper, with soothing syrup from Martins,
in the basement. The state Of New Jersey ha.
been invited -. "Hunki dori" is the popular
catch word around town. We imagine 1t would
not b 90 popular if its original meaning were
known, though equally appropriate to those who
use it, IS To themselves. 1t came from the Scotch
"unco dore," which means of person tia, he is
daft" or 'crscked in the upper story" or non
compos, or foolish, or when fellow says he is
"hunki dori" be means, in plain English, that be
is the same dsrned fool he always was . :. The
Irish drug store-Dim.mick i Bros. Why is
the Clifton Hotel like . monument to the IN I'm.
ory OF a generous man? Ans-Because one is
erected for the good dead and the other to good
Icing. A. ample testimony to this latter fact
look at ISL" "Ira" and Spencer" :. The only
Iadisn chief We have ever heard of who had
mound built before he was dead, is the chairman
of the committee on ,ne,ees durnkeys, &C., of the
La Sale county fair. He lately got of a good
joke on tho wide lawyer at Mendoza. That we'll
known barrister WAS lamentins his fate in havt
ing his rest broken in the night by dancing
party at tho Clifton Hotel, and turning to the
chief above alluded to said ''Ssy; look here |
I will have to leave here; can't sleep; haven't
you room for me at the Fair grounds ?" ooh,
yes" dryly responded our chairman of jackasses,
"Plenty. Como and get stall. You belong in !
my department, you know" Tho boys haven't |
got done laughing yet over over that "goak"
EXCURSION FROM NEwARK.-On Wednesday |
last q number Of young gentlemen and ladies
from Newark, Kendall Co., or, more properly Of
Mission, in this county, got up railroad excur.
sion to Streator and Ottawa. They obtained a |
special car and came down at noon, visited Srea. |
tor, and after doing the sights of that town re.
turned to Ottawa, AID in the evening joined in |
AL Ao.> L. ~