The Placer herald., 1871-02-25
COUSIN SALLY DlLLARD.
A LEGAL SKETCH IN THE NORTH STATE"


Scene-A Court Of Justice in North Car
olina
A beardless disciple Of Themis rises, and
thus addresses the Court: MAY it please
your worship, and you, gentlemen Of the
jury, since it ara been my fortune, (good Or
bad, will not say,) to exercise myself in
legal disqrisitions, it has never befallen ms
to be obliged TO prosecute so direful, marked
and malicious an assault, more willful,
violent, dangerous battery, and finally, .
more diabolcal breach of the peace has sell
dom happened in q civilized country; and I
dare say it has seldom been your duty to
pass upon one go shocking to benevolent
feelings as this, which took place over at
Captain Rice's in this county But you will
hear from the witnesses.
The witnesses being sworn, two or thrse
were examined and deposed. One said he
hearcd the noise but he did not see the fight;
another that had seen the row but didn't
know whs struck first; and third that ho
was very drunk and couldn't say much
about the skrimmage
Lawyer Chops--l am sorry, gentlemen,
to have occupied your time with the stupidi-
ty OF the witnesses examined. 1t arises,
gentlemen, altogether from misapprehension
Oh my part. Had known, ar do now,
that had a witness in attendance who was
web acquainted with all the circumstances,
and who was able to make himself clearly
understood by the court and jury, should
not have so long trespassed upon your time
and patience. Come forward, Mr.. Harris,
and be sworn.
So, forward comes the witness fat,
chuffy old man, "leete" corned. and took
his oath with an air.
| Chops-Harrs, we wish YOU to tell about
the riot that happened the other day at Cap
tain Rce's; and as good deal Of time has
been wasted in circumlocution, we wish you
to be compcnuious, and at the same time a.
explicit as possible.
Harris Adzaetly (giving the lawyer
knowing wink, and at the same time clear
ing his throat.) Captain Rice, he gin treat
and cousin Sally billiard, she come over to
our house and .1sd ME if my wife she
moutn't 60. / told cousin Sally billiard that
my wife was poorly, being as how she had
touch of the rheumatcs in the hip, and the
big swamp was up, for there had been heap
Of rain lately; but howsomever, as it was she,
cousin Sally billiard, my wife she mout &c.
Well, cousin Sally billiard then axed me if
Nose he mout'nt 20? told cousin Sally
billiard that he was foreman of the crap, and
the crap was smartly in the grass. but how
somever az it was she, cousin Sally Dilard
Nose he mout 60
Chops-ln the name Of common sense
Mr. Harris, what do you mean by this rig
marole?
Witness-Csytain Rice he gin treat and
cousin Sally billiard she come over to our
house and axed ME if my wife she moutn't
go? told cousin Sally billiard -
Chops-Stop, sir, if you please; we don't
want to hear anything about your cousin
Sally billiard and your wife; tell us about
the fight at Ricss.
Witness-I will, sir, if you will let me.
Chops-Well, sir, 90 on
Witness-Well, cir, Captain Rice he gin
a treat, and cousin Sally billiard came over
to our house and axsd me if my wife .he
Chops-There it is again. Witness.
please stop.
Witness-Well, sir, what do you want?
Chops-Ws want to know about the fight,
and you must not proceed in this impertinent
story. DO YOU know anything about the
matter before the court?
Witness-To be sure do.
Witness-Well, Captain Rice ho gin .
Chops-This is intolerabe May it
p.ease the court, move that this witness be
committed for contempt; he seems to be
triAing with the court.
Court-Witness, you are now before
self in more becoming manner, you will be
sent to Jail. So begin and tell what you
know about the fight at Captain Rice's, u.
Witness (alarmed) Y Well, gentlemen.
Captain Rice gin a treat, and cousin Sally
billiard She tu aof
Chops--l hope the witness may be or
dered into custody. ...
Court-(sfter deliberation)-Mr. After
ney. the court is of the opinion that we may
save time by letting the witness go on in his
own way. Proceed, Mr.. Harris, with your
story, but stick to the point. frfs
Witness-Yes, gentlemen. Well, Cap
tain Rice he Gin treat, and cousin Sally
billiard she came over to nay house and axed
me If my wife moutn't 60. l told cousin
in Sally billiard that my wife she was poor
ly, being as how she had the rheumatics in
the hip, and the big swamp was up; but,
howsomever. as it was she, cousin Sally
Dilard, my wife she mout 60 We'll.
cousin Sally billiard then axed me if Nose
he moutnt go? told cousin Sally billiard
a. how Nose he was foreman Of the crap,
and the crap was smartly in the grass, but
howsomever, as it was she, cousin Sally
Dillard, he mout 60. Ni't tf
So they goes on gether-Mose, my wife
and cousin Sally Dillard--and they come to
the big swamp, and it was up, ~ was tell
ing you; but being as how there was a log
across the big swamp, cousin Sally billiard
and Nose, like genteel folks, they walked
the log; but my wife. like darued fool,
hoisted her coats and wadsd through. And
hat's all know about the fight, v ~"