Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1871-06-02
THE GAZETTE.
CEDAR FALLs. JUNR Q, 1871.
MatrimOny Under Difficulties.

MMuh"VhJ ShueF DtHcuitieSs
| A friend Of mine, who once lived
In Iowa, used to tell a story of we'd
ding that he witnessed, where the
ceremony was performed on the Same
couple three times In one night. He
was wandering through northern
Iowa and southern Minnesota, on q
search for timber lands. and was ac-
companied by q backwoods adven-
turer named Preston. Near the line
between Iowa and Minnesota, they
stopped few weeks at the house of
settler named Jenkins. The latter
had a buxom daughter, and was well
Off for backwoodsman, and the sit
uation seemed decidedly favorable
for Preston. So he courted
the daughter, aud was polite
to the parents, the result was that
wedding was arranged aud all the
neighbors fossten rifles around were
invited.
Jenkins was liberal provider, and
weddings were not frequent In his
family. He laid In half a barrel Of
whisky, and his wife and and family
cooked enough for small army, so
that nobody should go away hungry.
There was preacher In the neigh
borhood, who had arrived there re.
Gently, and he was Invited to unite
the pair, He tied the knot, and was
rewarded by Preston, who made
mess of the affair by dropping ecu.
pie of silver dollars into the punch
bowl while handing them to the par
son. The brides arm was called in
to requ'sltion to lift out the cash,
which she did with all the skill of a
native LonS Islander fishing for
"Blue Points" with pair of oyster
tongs.
For the invited guests, the serious
business of the evening began with
the supper that followed the seremo-
ny. Preston took his share of the
punch and straight whisky before
retiring to the bridal chamber,
which was reached by a ladder
through the floor of the garret. Mrs.
Preston had been taken there by the
bridesmaids half an hour earlier, end
when the couple had disappeared
there was q fresh assault upon the
whisky.
1t leaked out i'm the course OF the
evening that the parson was not an
ordained preacher, but only one OF
those ministerial tledgliugs who
have been "liscened to exhort.-
When jenkins heard the rumor he
went for the exhorter and go: fIom
him the horrible fact that he was not
really authorized to unite couples In
holy matrimony, but he had offici-
ated on this occasion because he
thought it was oil right, and melody
would know the difference. Old Jen.
kins flew around like boy with q
humble bee In his coat sleeves; he
kicked the unhappy exhorter out OF
doors, and went up the ladder like a
monkey climbing window blind.
Here you, git up git up he
shouted; you aint married at all
Git up and come down, quickly.
The voice Of Preston was heard to
drawl out that he wouldn't get up,
and that II his respected father.in--
law did not clear out aud mind his
business somebody will get his nose
busted.
Jenkins explained the situation
and the couple arose. In few min
utes they came down the ladder,
looking very sheepish, aud the bride
blushing like a red wagon. There
was justice OF the peace In the par-
ty and he performed the ceremony,
which unfortunately for Preston
took his only remaining silver dol
lar. There were more drinks and
the couple again ascended the ladder
t. their apartments. Parson mutter-
ed as he clin,ed the ladder, that If he
ever found that parson he would hurt
his face 30 that hes friends could not
identify him without magnifying
glass.
or course the party down stairs,
who were making q night of 1t, talk.
ed over the peculiaritie: of the we'd
ding, and there developed the fact
that the justice of the peace lived in
Iowa, while the house of Jenkins
was in Minnesota. Jenkins was in
formed OF the situation, and away he
went once more for the ladder. He
was louder in his tones than before,
and his first words met with q
prompt answer from Preston.
"Now look here, old man." said
Preston, as he bounded out of bed,
there has been foolin' enough around
this yere ladder to might, aud If you
don't git, I'll bust yer he'd. .a
He picked up COW hide boot, as
he spoke. and advanced menaeingly.
A shrill voice from the bed urged
him not to hurt pa.
Don't shoot, DON'T" said Jen.
kins, as be retreated down the ladd-
er, till his head was level with the
garret floor. There he paused, and
explained the new state of affairs to
the enraged bridegroom. who stood
over him with the boot npllfted, and
ready for the blow.
Preston accepted the explanation,
and the result was that the couple
rose and dressed, and descended the
ladder. Then with Mr.. and Mrs.
Jenking, and all the guests who were
sober enough to stand, they walked
half a mile down the road to the
Iowa line, and entered the Badger
State. There the justice again
united them. "And this time you
are married as sartin sure" said he".
-Er.
TRERE are over three hundred
newspapers in Iowa, but only one OF
them IL religious psper.-Es.
This may be aecoulted for In the