Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1871-07-06
WIT And WISDOM.


) A Washington undertaken demanded
payment for coffin in advance, and not.
being gratfied rolled the body out of the
coffin and TO re away his property.
"ChiIdren," said a considerate mat
ron to her assembled progeny. you can
have anything you want, but you
mustnit wants anything you can't
have.
A man passing Though a!gateway in
the dark, hit his nose against post.
3 81 wish that pos.was in bell, said
he.
Better wish it somewhere eise,' said
bystander, you might run against it
again" !.
There is a book with the dangerousname
of pocket lawyer, We shouldn't much
afraid if we ever get the lawyer in our
pocket, we should never get him out.
" Have you found yerdiet?u said a
judge to the foreman of jury.
No, your honor, we have hunted
through every nook aud corner of the
room you Gent US TO, and we can't find
nary one
Johnnie. does you loveme?n
"Well, susie, does.n
"How does you know that you love
me?'',
Kase. Susie, whenever l look at you
my heart jumps and knocks agin my
stomick so hard, that don't have any
appetite for a week afterwards"
An old bachelor says he asks nothing
better in summer than moonlight, a
good cigar, and a nice girl to talk to,
wit h no nonsense about her.
Some one, describing bad dinner
to which he hai Deen invited, said that,
'the meat was cold, the wine was hot
and every thing was sour but the vine-
gar. f,95fl rss sft.4 s4s ie Isi.. 81 LnI,
! whisky is your greatest enemy."-
but" said Mr.. Jones, don't the
Bible say, Mr.. Preacher, that We are to
love our enemies ?" Oh, yes, Jones; but
it don't say We are to swallow them.n
SCHooLBoYs in Wisconsin fill theiI
pockets with locusts, and at given sig
nal, each boy taps on his pocket, caus-
ing the locusts to give forth their deaf
enig. doleful cry, as if forty children
had been whipped.
a POOR topper, as last resort for more
drink, took his Bible to pawn for liquor,
Ibut the landlady refused to take it.
t.Weli," SAID he, ''if she won't take my
word or Gods word, it's time to give it
up" And he went and signed the
pledge and kept it faithfully.
Scene in printing-office which adver-
tised for girls to set type: Euter yonng
woman--"Do You want to employ any
one to print, sir? 1 saw your advertise
ment. .'-"Can you set up we'll, ma'am?n
Young lady bushes; she hasn't had q
beau yet, but expect that she could, if
necessary.
When asked for their record, the dem
ocrats point proudly to the future.
They remind US of the old lady who
rushed to the chamber d or to call her
servant: sally! Get up! Get up! Here
tits five O'Clock Monday morning-to-
morrow's Tuesday-next days Wednes-
day--three days gone already, and moth
in done yet!"-L Chicago Post.
At meeting of the spiritualists at
Saginaw, Mich, on Sunday evening,
Moses Hull. one of the speakers, said
that when little boy he could see faces
around his bed every night, and knew
they were faces of those in the spirit
land. His mother reproved him by tell
ing him to "go to sleep for nothing all
ed him but worms.p The Enterprise
profanely adds:-"We guess mother is
right"
Mr.. Ralph Waldo Emerson's visit to-
the Pacific coast has not been without
influence. The San Francisco Bulletin
calls him Plato, and says he is tall, thin,
and sloping shouldered, narrow faced
narrow browed, long nosed, unbearded
man, rather gaunt and ungainly in body
and motion, yet, with q certain express
sion about the eye, mouth and nostril,
denoting superiority. There is nothing
half SO sweet in life as being appreciated
in California in coming up to the brag,
as Emerson himself would say.