Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1871-07-25
VARIETY.


Join! PrOPrietors
- FOrtune-tellers-Ban clerks.
Appropriate diet-Parties behind time
should be fed on ketch up.
= The artists adieu to his picture-You
be hanged
Good resolutions, like faintiug ladies,
want carrying ont.
Why should a fisherman be rich e? Be.
cause he is all net profit.
IF twice eleven are twenty-five, how can
twice ten be twenty too?
: What all clocks say to each other at
night: "Suike-but hear met
A Dubuque girl 60, a minister for hus.
band by saving wood to raise money for the
missionaries.
a Missouri PAPER says it always prints
marriages and deaths together as an iutima-
tiOn that misfor,uues never come sineIy.
An Irishman lately soliIoquized: ..What
waste o money to buy mate, when you know
the half OF 1t IS bone, while you can spend it
for rum that hasn't bone in it,
"A young lady of Clark county, Mo.
adyertiEes for husband who will stay in O.
nights, as she has been every supersticious"
since her father "dide,' and is ''afraid Of
coasts"
- physician writes aking a renewal of
note which We owed, giving as a reason there.
for: awe are in a horrible crises; there
Is not sick man in she district"
a lady being asked whether she could keen
= secret, replied: "Of course not; what is
the good OF knowing secret unless YOU NAV
Immediately tell i; to somebody else"
= The editor of a religious paper. which
had four weeks Prcclrious existence in
Chicago, says that city IS good place for a
religious paper, provided Satan has three pages
Of it, aud the other one is mixed
"A young lady at Indianola not very long
since killed a skunk with n butcher knife
Her lover came to see her that night and told
her nc could not marry her unless she quit
using such hair oil.
SAM said ona little urchfa to another.
Edoes your schoolmas;er ever give Won any re-
ward of merit I s'pose he does was the
reply; he gives ne thrashing every day,
aud says l merit two
The heart is the best card in the chance
game Of ma'ri'aony- sometime overcome by
diamonds aad kuaycs, often won by tricks and
occasionally treated IN shutting manner, and
then cut altogether, says woman.
a school committee in frontier district
arc reported to have summed up their opinion
OF an examination which they had attended
by making to the pupils this address: sYou
have spelled well, and you've ciPhered good,
but, you amt s0t STILL
A pla'n, honest fellow applied Yesterday
to Wall street attorney for legal advice
Alter detailing the circumstances of the case.
he was asked if he had stated the facts exact.
" as they had occurred. YES sir" said he.
''you can put the lies in yourself"
An Illinois man who had his watch
stolen from his pocket, and advertised that
the thief must return it if he would avoid
trouble, received before eleven o'clock on the
same day three watches and letter promis.
ing fourth If lie would send S25 and ask
no questions.
A Kansas billiard-table is thus decribed.
First, In the middle of the floor was a large
goods box, On which vas laid about eight
yards OF blue jeans. For pockets they had
old boots, about No. 10 for cues they used
old broken hoe-haudles boiled eggs for balls. |
aud to count this lovely game they used dried
apples on 4 clothes line
Il fear said a country minister to his
flock, when l explained to you, in my las:
charity sermon, that Philan,hrophy was the
love Of our species, you must have misunder
stood me to say specie, which may account for
the smallness Ofthc collection. You will prove.
l hope, by our present contribution, that YOU
are no longer laboring under the same mis-
take
-"Nir. Brown, you said the defendant was
honest and intelligent. What makes you
think so! Are you acquainted with him ?"
"No sir, I never seed him
why. then, do you come to such a cou-
clusion :"
cause lie takes ten newspapers, and pays
for 'em in advance"
Verdict Cor defendant.
= An 'oracle' at New Orleans, discoursinp !
on the wonders of the Mississippi, mentioned !
the iron coffin of De Soto, containing the COL |
den trumpet given him by Queen Victoria !
What exclaimed one, mot Queen Victoria p |
yes, sir, Queen Victoria 'Why, she wasn't |
born then by two hundred years or more |
Il do not care if she wasn't was tho bold re-.
ply, Il reckon she could leave it in her will |
After Susan b. Anthony lectured q,
RiPon, Wis, she wanted some recreation and
amusement, so she took walk on Sunday
around the graveyard there. While she was
enjoying the literature of a tombstone, she
heard lot of little boys saying, That's her.
and she tho't, "such is fame" Cougratula~
ting herself that even the children of the land
knew her. she was accosted by an urchiu, who
said: Say, amt you the old woman who
walks up the wire on the circus tent to NOR
row 2"