Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-06-08
Humorous Rsar

ky-hghts-stsr,
Sharp shotters-Meteors.
A firesio'e tale-The cate.
Eve was the first bone part.
Volume of love-Your bank book.
Cease hardened people-Printers.
A "storied earn The novelist's pay.
Pressed for time-Egyptian nummies
How to get along we'll. Have it dug
deep.
How to make q hot-bed-set the mat
tresses on fire.
A wag sdvertises baby-iumpers -
"spring goods"
A time to run. When you are in
hurry.
"Loug and successful reign"-The del
uge.
A spoiled ohild-The enc that pl,y'o
with the kerosene can.
A joint sff4ir when but single parry
to it-Rheumatiem.
The waiter is q most irrPpressible PEI
son he Carries everything before him.
What j. that which IL 80 brittle that 90
you mama il you break il? Silence.
The man who ran away from credItn
became tired, and concluded 10 tske -
rest.
Do write, aud fear not" 81 wh"f 80,
girls ray to their correspondents.
Young ladies should be taught to FI-e
with the iarkz, but net % get ZAP 70 thr'.
A sa4u who sat upon paper Of carp -
nails aid they reminded him Of tho "a
come tax.
"Thi- is :, sweeping ceta.tzoPhe," sat.
man said when his wife knocked at..
down with hroom.
The closest study-Any study VII
the windows haven't been opened cor Vi
last six months.
The people OF Paris need never he -.
of 'sort-.' as they can a. any time max r.
'sortig.'
Some one asserts on good Authority tn.
the "early bird" caught cold, instead o.
worm.
In thu Louisiana State prison. p,isonsrs
ere always washed before they 9Fe IL
OF course.
I have known . whist
hand like good hor~ player To RI" 4
any trick What Ell was ~
Do men ale sOmetime- ia.
ned, hut many men sre found r' o.
Who are not missing.
When Adam and Eve p-rtors "t
tree Of knowledge did they stud' 80
higher branches?
Qaite in error was the yanug -.i.r.
who thought she could make her v".,
clearer by straining it.
Queen Elizabeth always displayed Der
worst temper IN her best clothes-she a.
dreadfully rufnsd. then.
A barber who was sued by young man
fer cutting off his moustache, put in tie
plea that he didn't see it.
When John Cotton wrote to his vie
he addressed her as my dear and com
Portable yoke-fellow.
Hair Tea il "a new idea-We don't care
for any. thank you, good green tes l.
good enough for US.
You srem "a walk more erect than
usual. my friend. Ye-. 7 have been
Strengthened nv rirr' instances.
i 4 y,on,sn =, advertising her runaway
hus'.ad says David has a tosr on bis.
nose where l scratched it,"
There are three things that never szee-
Two cais over one mouse, tive wives in
one house, and two lovers after one lady.
Why is the first chicken of a br, &C
like the main mast of a vessel Becau-r
it is little forward of the main hstch.
Astonishing cure for consumption"
the old lady said when she sprinkled snuff
on the bnarder's hash.
A Chinese dog without any hair is the
latest indispensable nuisance to the full
equipment of New York belle
"Henpeck" is the name of pnstoh
in AIsx4ndria county, Illinois. II does
small business-the mails avoid it.
1t is suggested that one reason wts
clergymen disapprove of poker is that
they are liable TO be so frequently
"called."
81 thought you told me, doctor, that
Smith, fever had gone off" "Oh. yes
but it and Smith went off together"
Why is a donkey, which cannot hold
up it's head like next Monday f-Beeause
its neck's weak.
There is town in Maine where the
wind blows so hard that the people dare
not raise children except in sheltered To-
calities.
j Peopls who are always fishing for com
pliments do not need very long lines.
They will get their best bites in shallow
water.
A paper has This advertisement 1.-TWO
sisters want washing" We fear that mil,
lions of brothers are in the same predIca'
ment.
girl who lost leg, advertises for
husband similarly sfaicted. She thinks
man and wife should stand on an equal
} footing.
A young lady wants to know what
fashionable fur a negro running foot
race most resembles ? Why, rushin' sable,
} to be sure.
Married people should study each 9th
et's weak points, az skaters look ont for
weak parts of the ice in order to keep on
them.
BATTING THE OXES.-"Mlke." saia
tho Son;ra slyou NAV hait the oxen and