Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1871-12-21

A RAILROAD JoKE--The Bridgeport Stand
ard Conn says that on Tuesday afternoon
the officer Oh duty at the depot at that place
received telegram dated at Norw ak, request
ing him to have minister at the depot on the
arrival Of the 232 Boston express, as there
was couple on the train who wanted to get
married. The telegram was signed by a gen
tleman vel! known to the officer and upon it's
receipt he at once set TO work to secure the
presence Of clergyman at the depot previous
" to the arrival of the train. 1t was nearly
due, and no time was to be squandered in the
useless ceremony of trying to save expense.
The officer called hack, and seating himself
thereiu ordered the driver 10 proceed with all
possible haste to the residence of Rev. Mr..
-, we'll known clergyman He being alb
sent another and finally another was sought.
At last the Rev. DR.. was found and hur
r!ed off to the depot, where he had hardly time
TO compose his thoughts before the train came
laundering along. While it was yet in motion
the author Of the telegram leaped from the
cars, and running up to officer A, inform
I'd him that the couple were III the rear
car in waiting There was not much time
TO lose, and 20 the rear end of the train the Of
ticial and minister sped with almost the celebrity
of light. Arnold entered the car at one end
they proceeded along the aisle until they met
near the center Of the car. The Doctor scanned
the passengers closely, and finally inquired OF
the officer which the couple were Il think this
is the couple" said he, pointing to 4 young
man aud young woman who occupied seat
near him. The clergyman advanced toward
them, and in clear slow voice said: Are you
the couple who desire to be married? p They
made no answer, but appeared to be utterly
confused and dumbtounded. They turned all
sorts of colors, and the minister began to think
there was mistake somewhere. by and ny
the whistle sounded and the train left tor New
Haven carrying the lady and gentleman along
with it, while the officer and minister stayed
behind The affair was then explained by the
gentleman who had sent the telegram and who
had witnessed the whole joke, as follows The
couple had attracted good deal Of attention
On the passage by their affectonate kisses and
embraces, aud he concluded to play trick on
them that would, perhaps, operate henehclal!y,
hence the telegram He gave the minister s.
for his trouble, and also paid the expense nt
the hack, and in that way squared the joke, .
Mr.. JosuuA BILLIHGs again philosophiseS
thus Eight won't 90 into SIX and have much
ov emmy thing left over. Menny ynng telhr
haz found out this SUN in arithmetlkS ny tris-
ing tew git number eigh, foot into nunlher
six boot.
Virtue. in one respect, islike mummy. That
which we hav tew work the hardest fer, sticks
tew US best.
Men of phew but aktive branes have the
rest executive abi!itys. Their branes are like
a bullit--coupakt, and GO strate tor the bull
eye.
Affektashun never improved emmy body yet.
It il better tew be devil than hypokrit.
hav often herd thare was men who knew
more than they could tell, but never met one.
have often met thoze who could tell CRATE
deal more than they did kno, sud vas willing
to sware to i, besides.
To be proof against dattery, mah must nav
no vanity, and such man never existed II ne
did, he IL one Of the lost arts.
Hope haz made CRATE menny blunders. nut
rhare IL Que thing about her that | alwus did
like she means well.
Sum people are good simply bekause they
are tew lazy tew be wicked, and others, because
they aiut got good chance.
Thare il one thing | am not only certain,
but proud ov-there IL more people ~ the
world who heve changed from bad TO good than
from good to bad. D..
In mummy interest follows the principal; in
morals principal often follows the interest,
Yu will notis one thing-the devil seldum
offers to 60 into partnership with tulzzy man,
but YOU will often see him offer TO )lne the lazy
man and furnish all the capital
HIS OWN GRANDFATHER ER-Sometime since
it was announced that man at Iltusrile,
PENNSYLVANIA, committed suicide for the reason
that he had discovered that he was his owp
grandfather. Leaving dying statement ex-
blaming his singular circumstance, we Will not
attempt 70 unravel it, but give his own eEp!ana'
ton OF the mixed up condition Of his klnstok
in his own words. He says: ..,..
81 married widow who had grown up
daughter Ny father visited oar house very
often, fell in love with my step daughter and
married her So my father became my SON
in-law. and my step daughter my mother. be-
cause she is my father wife. Sometime alter
ward my wife had son; he was my father
brother-in-aw and my uncle, for he was tn the
brother of my step mother:: NY father Wi,e,
that is nv step daughter, had also son; he
was of course, my brother, and in the mean
time my grand child, for be was the son OF my
daughter. My wife was my grandmother be-
csuse she was ny fathers mother. | was my
wife's husband and grand child at the same
time: and as the husband Of PERSONS grand
mother is his grandfather, was nay own grand
father 80. -.
That this was strange condition Of things
it must be confessed, but we can SEQ no possl'
hle reason why it should cause man to com
nit suicide.
4 pretty good story as to the inventive aolil'
ties of the editor of the Springfield Republicar
has been going the rounds Of the press and de-
serves to be recorded among the archives o.
the reading room. The gentleman is a farmer
as we'll as an editor, and his hens refuse t
awake at "cockcrow,' the reason being tha'
IN countries as cold az New England the hens
are ant to roost an hour or two after the sur
rises In order to remedy this state of affairs
tbs editor of the Republican has hit upon an
ingenious Invention which will add largely t
the value Of poultry throughout the country:
This invention consists of patent, hen'roost
the popularity of which is that there Is al
astronomical contrivance attached to the roost
by means of which the slumberiug hens ar
gently tumbled off their perch exactly at ga!
i 4 ,.>Il rpyfH