davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17

Why are teeth like verbs? They are regular, ir
regular, ard detective.
What part of fish weighs most The scales.
When are weeds not weeds? When they become
widows.
What part of a fish is like the end of a book? The
Fin-is.
When was Napoleon most shabbily dressed ?
When he was out at EIba (elbow.)
sIfa bear was to go into draper's shop, what
would he want? He would want muzzIin'
Why is it impossible for person who Iisps to be-
Hese in the existence of young ladies? He takes
every Miss for a Myth.
Which of the English monarchs had most reason
to complain Of his laundress2 John, when his bag
bage was lost in the Wash.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17
Interesting Sketch of an Old
Pioneer of Highland Co.

Interesting Sketch of an Old
Pioneer of Highland Co.
FRANKFORT, KAN, July, 1871.
EDITOR NEws:-Dear Sir:-En-
closed you will find an extract taken
from our county paper, the Marys-
vile Locomotive, in reference to old
Mr.. Hastings, whom you will re-
member I took with me to Kansas
from Highland county, last Decem-
Der. In all probability the sketch
would be interesting to you and the
numerous readers of your valuable
paper, and especially to the old vet
eran soldiers of 1912. Mr.. Hastings
is still living. I paid him visit a
few days ago. I found hsm very
feeble in body, but cheerful and jO-
vial in his mind. He will soon pass
away, to be gathered into the fold Of
his old comrades. Yours &C.,
WILLIAM SIDERS.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17
Echo Answers.

Of what has Heaven given US an equal share
Air.
What does rumOr often do when it flies Lies.
Which is the Ioveliest flower that grows? Rose.
Whose children are we apt to think the sweetest
fowers2 Ours.
What in manner is sure to plsase2 Ease.
What will frequently overcome the most austere ?
Tear.
What loses its flavor when we borrow it, Wit.
What is it that wealth seldom extinguishes D.?
Wishes.
What traits are difficult to exterminate? Innate.
What did Cleopatra to her bosom clasp Asp.
What enabled Newton the law Of the universe to
rapple? Apple.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17
Bits of Fun.

AAO "O4lAA 0AeA0 LLeeAOth q SOON
pudding in silence is better than
one that maketh a tart reply.
Little fish have a proper idea of
business. Not being able to do bet
ter, they start on a small scale.
At the - hotel, Long Branch,
the other day, one little girl asked
another to dance with her. "Indeed
I WON'T" was the reply, "what do I
want another girl hugging me for?"
Of the 1,OO1 young ladies who
tainted last year, 998 fell in the
arms Of gentlemen, two fell on the
floor, and one into a water butt.
Some husbands, though anything
but sharp, are awfully shrewed.
Most lovers like to be alone-with
their sweethearts, of course.
Some taiIors would make capital
Dragons, they charge so.
An Oregon toast over a glass of
ardent: "Here's what makes us
wear old clothes"
1t is suggested that the first piece
Of music performed by Adam must
have been "warblings at Eve"
The-young lady singer who thought
she could make her voice clearer by
.straining it made a great mistake.
A Chicago merchant offers for sale
apples and peaches, "every one war
ranted to contain a prize"
Sleight of hand-refusing an "of-
fer"
The best method Of raising peas
with a spoon.
"Oh, grandma I" cried a mischiev-
GUS little urchin, "I cheated the
hens nicely just now. Threw them
your gold beads, and they thought
they were corn and ate them up as
fast as they could I"
The allowance of ladies at the
watering places is about twenty-five
to one man, which, as every sensi-
BILE man knows, is just twenty-fOur
too many.
"What is your consolation in life
and death ," asked a Sunday school
superintendent of a young lady in
the Bible class, who blushed and
said, "I'd rather be excused from
speaking his name"
"Now, my little boys and girls"
said a teacher, 81 want you to be
very still, so still that you can hear
a pin drop" In a moment all was
silent; when a little boy shrieked
out, "Let her drop"
A Connecticut man ardently wants
to "represint the michandick and
laboring men in the state assemble
irrespectiv of pollytics, religion, or
eddicashun." The last, especially.
COMMERCIAL INSTINCT. - Du-
gald.-"Did ye hear that Sawney
McNab was ta'en up for stealin' a
COO? Donald.-"Hoot, toot, the
stupid bodie! Could he no bOcht it
an no paid fO't? ?"
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17

At Cape May, the other day, a rich
Philadelphian espied a charming girl
struggling all alone in the breakers, and
gallantly proposed to learn her to swim.
She thankfully accepted the offer and
quite a filtration ensued. Quoth the
Philadelphian: care you staying at the
Stockton, Miss -?' "DIurphy," with a
sly glance upward. "Miss Murphy-ah
You are stopping at the p" "StOckton +;
yes, sir" "Ah! are your parents with
you?" "No, sir.' "Your brother, pos
sibly ?" ono, sir" "Ah, have it ;
you are here with your friends :" "NO,
sir" very perceptibIe smile breaking
over her countenance. "Excuse my
seeming impertinence, Miss Murphy,
but am extremely anxious to know
in what capacity you are here?" "I am
IN the bake house, SIR ~ Philadelphia
retired with dignity.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17
Select Miscellany.
THE TOBACCO UNION.

THE TOBACCO UNION.
Come old and young, and hear me tell,
Row strong tobacco smokers smell;
They love to smoke their pipes so well,
That for tobacco they would sell
Their right to social Union.
They always scent the atmosphere,
And you may know when they are near,
Though not a word from them you hear;
Their breath grows stronger every year,
When in this smoking Union.
They clean their pipe stems with wire,
And iIl the bowl, aud put in fire,
And smoke till it doth quite expire,
And never do they seem to tire
In their tobacco Union.
Sometimes from three to six yOu see
Collected in one company;
And every fellow in good glee,
When they must have a smoking spree,
In this vile smoking Union.
And then the fumo and smoke will rise,
Like morning mist toward the skies;
Then woe to him who has weak eyes,
Unless he takes his leave and flies
Away from snch Union.
Those who in outer darkness lie,
May in their error live and die,
Before such persons e'er will try,
Them with the Gospel to supply,
When in this smoking Union.
They keep their money from the poor,
And send them hungry from their door;
Then haste away to some ones store,
And spend it for tobacco more.
Away with such a Union.
Sometimes within the church you view
A person who will sit and chew,
And spit upon the floor or pew,
Until it spreads q foot or two;
And sing of heavenly Union.
Sometimes within their neighbor's door,
They cast their guilds some three or four,
And spit on carpet, hearth, or floor,
A gill, sometimes, or even more.
Oh, that disgusting Union.
Oftimes when in Gods church you'll see
The floor in such state will be
That you can scarcely bow the knee,
Though e'er so humble you may be.
Pooh, shame on such Unionl
wonder how such folk can say
They have religion ev'ry day,
And love the Lord, and love to pray,
When rhav can fbroyv his gifts ayray
In this tobacco Union.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17
SIX O'CLOCK P. M.

The work shops open wide their doors,
At o'clock p. ",
And wOrkmen issue forth by scores,
At6 o'clockP. NJ;
Ofar the minutes in array,
Or hours that go to make the day,
There's none so welcome, so they say,
As G o'clock P. N.
How many children show delight
At o'clock Pm;
How many homes are rendered bright
At 6 o'clock P. N;
How many little happy feet
Go out into the busy street,
With joyous bounds papa to meet,
At G O'Clock P.M
Thousands Of tables draped in white
At six O'Clock P. ~;
The gathered families invite
At 6o'clock p. NJ;
And as they eat the frugal fare
They quite forget their toll and care,
And drop their heavy burdens there,
Ate o'clock e. N.
Then blow, ye shriekIng whistles, blow
At O'Clock P. NJ;
And let the weary toilers go
At O'Clock ?. NJ;
Ring out, releasing bells, ring outI
And bid the wekin take the shout,
And echo it all round about,
"'Tis G. G.o'clock P. ny
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17

Three heavy golden vases were
lately found in POmpeii in the mid
die Of a street a few feet under the
ground. it is believed they were
carried by priests in a procession to
prOpitiate the gods, and that the
bearers were killed while moving
through the streets.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17

The last wrinkle of the insurance COM
panies is their refusal to insure females
against accidents on railroads and steam
boats. The excuse of the companies is
that when an alarm of fire is raised on
a railroad car or steamboat, the ladies
are usually thrown into such a state of
terror that accidents are almost sure to
follow, and that the losses in the past,
under this head, have been very much
greater than the gains.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17

The grape crop in the vicinity Of
St. Louis is enormous, and prices
reduced to figures almost ridiculous
ly low. Consignments by rail sell
as low as three cents per pound, and
hucksters are paying four to five
cents per pound for supplies from
local vineyards, and retailing them
at six and seven cents.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17
Youths Department.

Hg-Orginal Enigmas, Charades, Problems, ETC.,
are respectfully solicited. The answers must al
ways accompany them, together with the real name
Of the writer.
EB-we want a fresh supply of Enigmas, &C., as
our stock is getting low.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17
Enigma.

I am composed of seven letters.
My first is in mud, also in mire;
Ny second is in water, but not in fire;
My third is in ring, but not in gold;
My fourth is in young, but not in old;
My fifth is in need, but not in give;
My sixth is in dying, but not in live;
My seventh is in guest, also in earl.
My whole is the name of a nice young girl.
BLACE-EYED JOHNNY
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17
HIGHLAND INSTITUTE.

HyHE Fall Term Of the 18th year Of the Institute
III will begin Sept. 6. 1871
Our Musical Department viii be under the chatge
Of Miss N. Potter sn experienced Ieachers q pupli
Of Mime. Rive, and OF the late Prof Gnuter.
For Catalogues apply to
RET. Z. GRAND-GIRARD, or l p-ir.fDs1s
MIss =. L. GRAND-GIRARD, !
fV20wB
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17
The Jeff Davis Sleeping Car
Adventure.

JEFF. Davis is said to be very
wroth at the newspaper exposure of
his scandalous sleeping-car adven-
ture, and Indignantly pronounces
it "radical lie." We would much
dislike to do even the arch-rebel an
injustice but subsequently publish
ed statements given in the Southern
papers by the persons in charge Of
the train, who declare that they
"peeped in" and saw the old fellow
in the wrong sleeping-berth, and no
mistake, render his denial of the
'sOft impeachment" worthless,
without corroborating testimony
Can he prove an alj5j!
It is bu justice to say that the facts
as first reported are vouched for in
sworn statements in writing, by the
conductor and porter Of the sleep
ing-car. The woman implicated is
a Mrs. Bowers, wife of a music deal
er in Memphis, and formerly travel
ing agent of the Southern Express
Co. She is beautiful and fascinat-
ing person, twenty-eight years of
age, and her JtatSon with Mr.. Davis
has been the scandal of Memphis
for a month past. For a week be-
fore starting on their journey east,
Mr.. Davis and his fair enslaver had
been on weeks visit to Colonel
Jess, a gentleman residing near
Memphis, and their devotion to
each other had been the theme OF
much suspicious comment. The
conductor, Haines, who makes the
affidavit, has been offered three
thousand dollars to leave Memphis,
but has refused.
The Memphis Appeal, says not
withstanding Jef's denial, that it is
a very queer story, sand seems too
explicit and direct to be untrue. d
What a noble, spotless creature the
great ex-president of the "lost
cause" must be.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17

Miss Mary L. Booth receives
$4,000 a year for editing Harper's
Bazaar. She is a New England girl,
an accomplished scholar and indus
triOus, having been absent from the
Office but twenty days during the
four years she has edited the Bazar.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17

Don't hurry. Don't fret. Don't worry.
Whatever you have to do, do it with
your might; but don't 90 into fever
about it.
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17

In disagreement between a superin-
tendentand a teacher Of a Sunday school
in Indiana, the lady came ont with vic
tory and shattered parasol. The sehol-
ars enjoyed it better than the catechism,
The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1871-08-17

Wanted to know, how many square
rods are contained IN a wiseacre.
The New York herald., 1871-09-14
THE SWEDISH FRIGATE JOSEPHINE.

Her Visit to This Port aud subsequent Move.
menis-List OF Omcers and Character Of
Armament.
The Swedish frlgate Josephine, which arrived at
this port on Tuesday from Madeira, after pleasant
voyage OF thirty days, s anchored In the stream on
Castle Garden, and, Notwithstanding the disasreca.
bic character Of the weather. many distinguished
gentlemen visited her yesterday, and with graufca-
ton inspected her quarters. 1t is hardly ialr TO
Crticise the appearance OF man-of-war the day
alter her arrival from q heightened voyage, and
that rainy one; but in justice to the Officers Of this
vessel it must be said that everything board yes
terday morning found to be In place, the sailors
well ana cleanly dressed with taste ana naval skill
Gharac!erizng sieg her general appearance. The
although devoid or any pretension3 TO mod
en naval architectural beauty, Is stancn,
roomy and exceedingly well ventilated. She has
been from home since the 23d OF last June, having
LETT Carlskr0na and proceeded TO Portsmouth, Eng
lanu wnerc, alter remaining three weeks, CherbOurg
and Falmouth were visited before reaching MADEIRA
In her passage 10 New York the Josephine passed 10
the south OF Bermuda about the LIST instant thus
escaping the terrible hurricane or that period In the
Caribbean sea, which resulted SO dlsastrously 10
many American vessels
Hcr armament consists or twenty-fOur guns all
smooth bore, ana her 3O4 officers ana men are nne
specimens OF sturdy seamen. Tie former speaE
with much nuency the English language, and twJ
or three of them have before been In the Unitea
states. The names Of The officers are as follows:-
CdDtdm-C. Won Outer.
Lieutenant and Erecntire Oncer-G. ar Klercker
Lieuienants-Onistr0m, Thorn, Ihunberg, Dah.'
man, Barkstr0m Olsln, Won Franken
StyyeOHS-Tillman, Lundberg.
HdStef-MdUS0n.
The Josephine VIII remain IN this port for fort
night VIII ,n she viii proceed 10 Boston and thence
to one or two ports urther norh aud ABOUT the lass
OF October to he West indies, cruising thereaooutS
until the end OF March, then returning home by way
Of English ports. -,
Al noon yesterday national salute was nred
from the fgaie, and during the afternoon, upon tno
visit OF Consul CHRISTIAN Bors, he was honore. witk
the number OF guns his position entities him 10 re-
cpiVp
The New York herald., 1871-09-14
NAVAL INTELLIGENCE.

The United States steamer Richmond, COmmo-
dore Mulany commanding arrived at Gibraltar on
her way to New York on the 2lst August, but while
taking in coal she received orders from the Admiral
to return TO Spezza, Italy, without delay, in order
that some Of the officers may compose court Of
inquiry on the grounding OF the Guerriere, near
Leghorn. The Franklin ana the Plymouth passed
through the Straits Of Gibraltar q few days ago.
bound TO SpezZia the same mission, and the
Shenandoah and SacO Will follow. The Richmond
VIII probably he detained a long time by the Almi.
raj notwithstanding the department Is anxious for
her to arrive IN New York soon, SO that the new
flagship, the wabash, can secure a number OF her
crew for the complement OF the latter
Lieutenant Commander George o. Remy is ordered
TO the Naval Observatory; Chief Engineer Charles
Fisher to the Nantasxet. First Assistant Engineer
d. p. Mccartney is detached from the Washington
Navy Yard and ordered to the Wabash Fist Assist.
ant Engineer J. Ii. Bailey from the Nantasket and
ordered home
The New York herald., 1871-09-14
GREAT BOOK TRADE SALE.

Publishers, booksellers, dealers and second hand
pook men were gathered I'm numbers at George
Leavitt g. Co.'s saesrooms yesterday, from nine A.
Nj. until late in the evening, TO bid for and buy all
manner of books, from the child's toy primer TO the
handsomely bound and Illuminated folio. The fan
sale thus Inaugurated ~ the finest ever held IN this
city IL STYLE numbers and variety OF books &c.
make the COMPARISON. Whatever benefit may ac.
crue those directly Interested In the affair." there
~ one thing certaln-tha: 1t Is very good
plan OF Judging of the merits OF certain
authors and OF the tastes Of the reading
public. For instance. at the sale yesterday
there were nearly 1000 volumes Of Bret Harte's
works disposed Of about 1000 OF John Hays; Is 90
OF Charles Readc's "terrible Temptation 1enny-
our once popular authors, such as Holmes, stowe.
Whittier. &c., various quantities OF each were sold,
ranging from ten copies TO 1000. These not an
iota OF the books sold, Dut all were from the house
Of Osgood x Co. The sale Will last ten DAYS.
The New York herald., 1871-09-14
PACIFIC COAST SURVEY.

Launching of the Iron Steamer Hussler for
the United States Coust survey.
PHILADELPHIA, Pa, Sept. 13, 1871.
The iron steamer Hassler, bullt by Messrs. Dia-
lOgue Wood, was launched yesterday ut Kaighns
Point for United States coast survey She VIII start
about the lst OF October voyage of exploration
and discovery. The expedition viii be accompanied
by Professors Agasslz and Hill, and It Will he their
province To take deep-aea sOundings ana the tem-
peratUre and formation Of the bed or the ocean at
various points, and other interesting facts con-
nected with the places they may visit. These viii
include the Straits Of Magellan. Patagonia, Rio
Janiero ana San Francisco. 1t is supposed that
many important geographical results will be attained
by this expedition and alter cruise OF eight months
the Hasser Will be assigned l0r duty on the Pacific
border
The New York herald., 1871-09-14
ANCIENT ORDER ON GOOD FELLOWS.

Annual National Convention of the Order
Number of Lodges and Encannpments and of
Their Members-Property Of the Lodges and
'Encampments.
The National Grand Lodge OF the Ancient Order Of
Good Fellows is at present holding its twenty-nfth
annual convention at the Lafayette House, No. 20
Delaney street, for tue purpose Of hearing the an
nual reports, to deliberate and decide on the neces
sites OF the Order and to elect new officers. The
proceedings OF the convention began yesterday
forenoon, and will last for several days. The con-
vention is attended by about fcrty representatives
Of State grand lodges ana of State grand encamp-
ments from this city, Philadelphia, Baltimore,
CINCINNATI, ST. Louis, Chicago, Cleveland
Bntalo M Newark - n J and other places
Etling, OF st. Louis National Grand Secretary, is
The object Of the organization is, by The payment
OF imitation fees and regular dues, to aid members
III 0 70 a e
members, and TO support the widows and orphans
of deceased mealbers. the Order consists OF subor
dlnate lodges and subordinate encampments, OF
and of the National Grand Lodge; the
while the encampments are accessory or addl-
tional associations IN the organization. The mem.
bers OF the encampments must be members OF
lodges, white the members Of lodges need not to
be members OF encampments. The members Of en-
lodges and encampments and are also benefited by
both for themselves or for their families
The Order numbered on the 3lst OF March, when
It's financial year closed Grand Lodge in each OF
the States OF New York, consisting or twenty-five
individual lodges; Pennsylvania consisting Of
twenty-slx lodges New Jersey, consisting OF six
lodges; Ohio, consisting OF twenty lodges; Missouri,
consisting OF eight lodges Illinois, consisting OF
five lodges; Delaware, consisting OF three lodges;
Louisiana, consisting OF three lodges, and in the
District Of Columbia, consisting Of SIX lodges, ana
one isolated lodge IN each of the States OF
Maryland, Indiana and Kentucky; further, a
grand encampment in each OF the States
or New York, consisting OF five individual en-
campments; Pennsylvania, consisting OF five en-
campmenrs; ONO, consisting OF seven encamp-
ments; Missouri, consisting OF two encampmenis;
and one isolated encampmcnt In each OF the States
Of New Jersey, Illinois, Delaware, Kentucky and in
the District Of Columbia. The total number OF
lodges on that day was 1922 numbering together about
5000 members, and that OF encapments twenty.four
numbering together about 500 members. -
The cash property Of all the lodges on the day
stated was about $l2000O, and OF all the encamp.
ments about Sll, ,00o The expenditure OF the lodges
amounted to about $5s,00o, and OF the encanip-
ments TO about $4,000 during the past financial
year Of the order.
The members OF the order are chiefly native
Americans, Germans, Frenchmen, and Spaniards.
The proceedings OF the grand lodges, grand encamp.
menIs and national grand lodge are held IN the
English language.
The New York herald., 1871-09-14
THE HE'LL GATE EXCURSION.

Yesterday morning at eleven O'Clock the steamer
Fort Lee left the Peck slip dock with about twenty
invited guests OF the He'll Gate pilots boand for their
annual excursion up the Sound, with the committee
O, the Legislature consisting OF Messrs. Jacobs
and Aitken. Besides the Legislative COM
mittee there was among the invited guests
q number OF old He'll Gate pilots who had
served Their apprenticeship between the Hogs Back
and the Stepping stones. Captain Crane, Henry
Zoble, Charles J. Spauding, Thomas Farson, Edwin
$. Zoh!e, NOAH Mason, Captain Lockwood, Thomas
Harris, Joseph HUDSON, Thomas Robinson ana De-
witt O. Tower had charge Of the boat and made
efficient arrangements FOR the trip. The Fort Lee
steamed through the Hell Gate and into the Sound
for q distance OF thirty miles, stopping at
Wbitestone and Hart's island. The schoolship
Mercury VISITED by the cxcursionlsts, and then
the steamer came down the Sound on her route
home ward Twelve baskets Of champagne bad
been provided for the party, but five of Them had 10
be taken nome. 1t was found Impossible 70 drink
or eat what had been ordered. Altogether the eX-
curslon was pleasant one for all VINO participated
IN IL, and there was general assent when NJ the
last landing place u health was gwen 10 the Hell
Gate piiOta