The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-07-04
H UiM 0 Ro US I T E M S

ana eggs fresh laid by Mary Jones.
SaS- The Kansas lady who went to
theater and handed the man who took
the tickets fine tooth comb instead of
her ticket, discovered her mistake when
the doorkeeper told her she could not
comb in.
Day" SAM said one little urchin to
another, " does your schoolmaster ever
give you any rewards of merit ?" 81
s'pose he does," was the reply; "he gives
me a thrashing every day, and says 1
merit two"
A man from the country whose wife
had eloped aud carried off the feather
bed, was in search of them, not that he
cared any thing about his wife, but the
feathers" said he, them's worth dol
lar pound"
Dszy" In court, the other day, witness
being asked how he knew a man and wo-
man were husband and wife, replied =
Because he had often heard the lady
blow the gentleman up" The evidence
was held to be conclusive
Bsgn john" said a father to his son
one day, when he caught him shaving the
down off his upper lip, don't throw
your shaving water out where there are
any barefooted boys, for they might get
their feet pricked"
BSE" The following notice is posted con-
spicuously in publication Office out
West: "Shut the door-and as soon as
you have done talking on business, serve
your mouth in the same way" Bores
wouldn't do bad thing to cut this out
and paste it in their hats.
Dagn Will you take this woman to be
your wife" "Well, Squire" was the
reply, you must be green un to ask
such question as that. Do you suppose
I'd be such plaguey fool as to give up
the bar hunt, and take this gal to the
quilting frolic if | wasn't conscripturous-
ly sartin and determined to have herr
Drive on with your business.
Bsg~ Supplementary to the story of the
Norwalk girl that got husband by wri-
ting her name in hat, is that of ro-
mantle miss, at the same place, who wrote
her name in hat under the statement,
" am thine; wilt thou be mine? 2" The
purchaser of the hat was her father, who
discussed the matter with the young wo-
man by the aid of strap.
! Ray" A lady friend of DIR. johnson
J once asked him for his candid opinion OF
a work she had just written, but not yet
I committed to press, and begged him to
} tell her if he thought it would not sue
: ceed, as she had other irons in the fire, to
take its place if it seemed likely to fail
eff that is the case, madame" replied
the doctor, after turning over few leaves
: "my advice is, that you put this where
4 your other irons are"
D4" We were amused the other day al
a lady friends account of the manner il
which her Irish servant girl mended hel
: stockings. When hole appeared in the
: toe, Bridget tied string around the
J, stocking below the aperture and cut of
I the projecting portion The operation
! was repeated as often as necessary, eacf
5 time pulling the stocking down little
r until at last it was nearly all cut away
when Bridget sewed on new legs, ant
thus kept her stockings always in repair
n BG- A long-nosed, thin-shanked oil
maid appeared at the door of farmer
o house in Iowa the other day, and wanted
J. the farmer wife to subscribe to som
IS women's newspaper and sign a petitio
,e for woman's suffrage. The wife calle
g. out, "Charles, Tom, Jane, Richard, Lr
g Cyl! and was soon surrounded by crow
d of rosy-cheeked children. She thel
1T turned to her visitor and said, /" Hav
ID you any of them?" "No," was tn
~ ~ sharp reply. "Then" replied the buxor
ID wife, "go get few, and afterwar DIS com
X X to me about woman's rights if you fee
Ie Ia like it,"
- BG~ The chief of police at IndianapC
lis is truly brave man to all accounts
He is now trying to explain how he &c
ID thirty-fve feet up the centre-pole of
III menagerie in less than two seconds, whe
e- little lioness got out of her cage, an
Ii went to smelling around for little fres
u meat. When little black -and-tan pu
barked at the lioness and she was thu
frightened back into her cage, the chic
lie Ie of police came down, and said he wer
n, up there just for fun to decide bet
IS Besides that he says he didn't know tn
of lioness was out of her cage, and he did'r
ig go up the pole any way
4. H. R6y~ Nothing so much yexes a phvs