Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1871-07-06
Breyities ana Leyities.

- Oeol5hi iai ulei, Wiio SioI u d-H
ning,rod pcddler, was promptly acquit-
ted by justice of the peace. The fax
mer is now lying In amber for an in
surance agent.
"Why should we celebrate Washing
TOMS birthday more than mine?" asked
teacher. because ne never told
lic," shouted little boy.
"A young man wants to know what
business he had better go into that will
enable him to occupy high position in
society. Let him try the roofing busi- !.
ness; in thattrado smart man viii 7soons
get 10 the top Of the ladder.
"A Man has just been hauled out of
the swamps, in North Carolina who went
there to avoid the draft in 1864, and until
he was discovered did not know the war
was over.
"A man seeing his physician pass,
turned away his head; On being ques-
toned as to the reason, replied: 81 am
truly ashamed to see that man, 1 have
been well so long,"
-"One thing" said an old topper, "was
never seen comm through the rye, ar
that's the kind o. whiskey one gets now
a-days.''
An old stager was compelled by his
worthy spouse to "join the cold water
army" which he did, promising never
to touch q drop of anything except in
sickncss.-Hc has never been well since.
whichever direction man may take
in the other world, neither goldnor green
backs can do him any service. Upward,
they are worthless, and downward they
would not be found fireproof.
An Illinois woman committed sui
eide by hanging herself to an apple tree.
AT the funeral neighbor noticing the
sad appearance of the husband, consoled
him by saying that he had met with q
terrible loss. "Yes," said the husband,
ileaving sigh; she must have Kicked
like thunder to shake OH six bushels Of
green apples that would have been worth
dollar bushol when they got ripe"
A Chicago boy hangs by one hand
from fifth story window, just to scare
the folks below He succeeds IN get
ting 4 crowd every tine.
- A fishermen on he docl: got bite
yesterday, but says he'll kill the dog that
did it, il it takes ten years.
~ What should man carry with
him when calling upon his afianced?
Affection in his heart, porfce icn q his
manners, confection in his Pockets.
~ An unscphis:icatcd young ma. ii
Oshkosh, Wisconsin, sued asaa:den t.-c /.
other day TO compel her tc keep aer
agreement to marry him. Before sae
case was called for trial the s:..ler OF the
maiden offered the discarded lover FIVE
dollars to settle matters, which the young
man accepted rs full compensation for a
broken heart.
Go- When man puts his foot on the
hammer of rifle and look; dowr the
barrel to SEQ if it is loaded, and the coro-
ncrisoon after finds the principal part OF
the MANS head distribut A around the
ceiling, it will besato to assume that the
rife was loaded.
es> In New York a man last week
made wager tina. he could run closed
umbrella down his throat to the handle.
No sooner had lie accomplished this feat
than the base wretch who made the bet
seized tho umbrella by tho handle and
opened it all the way, clinching it or the
catch. He then fed. OF course all efforts
TO close the umbralla and remove it have
been utterly useless, and the poor sufferer
walks about with his person distended in
o manner that is inexpressibly painful.
These practical jokes are very wrong.
Just for the sake OF moments amuse-
ment this man is obliged to carry that
umbrella with him to his grave.