The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1871-10-26
HOW BEN PURTLE GOT HIS
WIFE.

The very climax of ugliness was Ben
Purtle. He was red-haireG, and every
hair stood as if it cherished the mos. su-
preme contempt for its next neighbor.
His face was as freckled as the most be-
spotted turkey egg; his nose supported
at the bridge huge bump, while the end
turned vicieusly 20 one side. His form
was as uncouth as his face was ugly; still
what was strange, he had a most hand
some, bouncing, blooming wife, such as
can only be grown up on a county farm.
GLOW the DEUCE said [ to Ben one
day, you ever get such wife-you I'M
couth, misshapen quintessence of mons
frosty !" Ben was not at all offended at
the impudence of my question, and
forthwith proceeded thus to solve the
mystery.
'No gals what's sensible ain cotched
by your highfalutin airs, and quality
dressin, and cologne. I've seed that
tried more an once. You know Kate
was always called the very prettiest girl in
all these parts. and all the young fellows
tried to cotch her. l used to go oyer to
old Uncle Sammy's just to look on, you
know, and cast sleeps eyes at Kate; but
law sakes! [ had no more idea that [
could get Kate, than that Jerusalem
cricket could hide in the hair on old Sam
my bald head. [ couldn't help Jim on,
and my ears would burn, and my heart
would kind o futter whenever I'd 60 to
talk to Kate. One day, when Kate sort
of made fun of me like, it almost killed
me, sure. went home with some thing
like rock jostling around in my breast,
and swore I'd hang myself with the first
plough line I found
did you hang yourself?'' 1 asked
mo! Daddy blazed off at me for not
taking old Billy to the pasture in the
morning, aud scared me so bad l forgot
all about it..
Go on" said I, seeing Ben pause
with apparent regret that he had not
executed his VOW. "Well, one Sunday
morning, [ reckon about year after the
hanging scrape. got up and scraped my
face with daddy's old razor, and put on
my new linscy coat and copperas britch-
es, mamma had dyed with sasafras bark,
and other fxings. and went over to Uncle
Samny's. Now, | had got to loving Kate
by this time, like all creation, but I'd
never told anybody about my feeling.
Well, when | got there l found Joe
Sharp aud his two sisters were there and
that the order of the day was to go a
muscadine hunting. Joe Sharp was flying
around-Miss Kate this, and Miss Kate,
'tother'-and by and by we came to a
nasty, black, muddy slough that we had
to cross on log, and nothing would do
but that Joe Sharp must lead Miss Kate
across They got about half way, when
IN went tarnation big bull frog, and in
went Miss Katy to her waist in the
nasty, black. muddy slough. Joe run
backwards and forwards on the log, hol-
lowing for pole to help her out Twas
10 there and had her out in less than no
time. Joe Sharp camo up and says:
''Miss Kate, are you hurt? My dander
was up. and / couldn't stand it. lust
caugh him by the seat OF his white trous-
ers and the back of his coat collar, and
gave him toss. May be he didn't go
clear under when he struck the water. |
didn't wait to see him out. Me and
Kate strnck right for the house. By an
by Kate says: Ben, just let me hang
on your arm; my knees feel sort o
weak l made tremendous effort to
say something nice, but cuss the luck, I
couldn't get my mouth off, no how, but
| folt as strong as au elephant, and helped
Kate along. By-and by Kate says: ben
that Joe Sharp is a good for nothing,
sneaking. cowardly, nobody, and if he
ever puts his head into our house again,