The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-08-01

In the early stages of his ministry,
the celebrated DIR. Strong.of Hartford,
Connecticut, preached some time in a
neighborhood village. One day COM
mittee called upoE him to settle with
him for his services and, after STAN
mering while, signi6cd to him, that
his further services were not desired.
"What does this mean, gentlemen ?"
asked the Doctor. "Why," replied
the spokesman, with some hesitation,
"the people have got the impression
that you are inclining to universal sal
vation." Gentlemen" answered the
Doctor 81 never have preached that
doctrine but, if ever should, prom
ise to make the people of this town an
exception ?"
In New York man last week made
awager that he could run closed UNI.
brella down his throat to the handle.
No sooner had he accomplished this
feat than the base wretch who made
the bet seized the umbrella by the
handle and opened it all the way,
clinching it on the catch. He then
fed. OF course all efforts to close the
umbrella and remove it have been ut
terly useless, the poor sufferer walks
about with his person distended in a
manner that is inexpressibly painful.
These practical jokes are very wrong.
Just for the sake of moments amuse-
ment this man is obliged to carry that
umbrella with him to bis grave.
On the great farm of Col. Thomp-
son, in Wells, Minnesota, is a cheese
factory which has a capacity for max
ing into cheese the milk of 5000 COWS,
but now only works up the daily pro-
duct of 225. 1t is three stories high !;
the main building is 35 by so feet,
built of brick. A steam engine of "a
horse power drives the machinery.
Water is supplied from an artesian
well. There is butter room attach
ed with steam churns and all necessa
ry appliances. Col. Thompson intends
to increase the number of his COWS to
600 soon.
II was going" said an Irisbmen,
"over Westminster bridge the other
day, and / met Pat Hewins. "Hew-
ins," says l, show are your" "Pretty
we'll" says he, thank you, Donnelly."
"DonnellyP says 1, "that's not my
name" "Faith, no more is mine
Hewins," says he. So We looked at
each other again, and sure it. turned
out to be nayther Of us"
A Virginia editor has come to the
conclusion that a man might as we'll
undertake to hold himself at arms
length and then turn double somer-
sault over meeting-house steeple as
to attempt to publish paper that will
suit everybody.
A young lady became go dissatisfied
with her lover that she dismissed him.
In revenge, he threatened to publish
her letters to him. "Very well" re-
piled the lady, 81 have no reason to
be ashamed Of any part of my letters
except the address !"
Said a pompous husband, whose
wife had stolen up behind him and
given him kiss, MADAM, | consider
such an act indecorous Excuse
me" said the wife, Il didn't know it
was YOU"
A Belfast gentleman wears an old
fashioned silver fourpence attached to
his watch chain, in ahectionate remem.
hrance Of the time when it was an
for square, honest drink
of old cognac.
"You'd better look out for yer hoses
feet above here, mister" said ragged
boy to a Jimtown traveller. "WhyY
said the gentleman neryously pulling
up. "Cos, there's fork in the road
there" WAS the candid reply. !