South-eastern Independent. (McConnelsville, Ohio) 1871-1871, 1871-07-07
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A PITCHED BATTLE-A fight between
two tars.
DOGS beat dentists. They insert natural
teeth.
FAT men do not seek greatness-it is
thrust upon them.
A POLICY of life insurance creates an
estate at once, which cannot be taken from
your wife. Insure in the Mutual Life, of
Chicago.
AN ingenious youth in the oil regions
lately hire hands to commence boring
The foreman asked @what kind of a well
he wanted to put down." meaning with
large easing or small. "Wel," was the
reply, "I guess you'd better sock down a
hundred-barrel well that's as high as they
run now, amt it?''
THREE young men, not long ago, called
at beer-saloOn in New Albany, Ind, for
drink. The keeper of the establishment
told them to drink quick, as his daughter,
up stairs, was dying. He added, "She
will soon be dead, and you can call again
in short time" While the party was
drinking the girl died.
"CUFFEE, what do you tink de NOSE
useful OBJ de plannets, de sun or de moon ?''
Well, Sambo, tink de moon orter take
de first rank in dat ar tickler." "Why do
you tink so, Cufee?" "Well, 1 tell you ;
kase she shines by night, when we want
light, and the sun shines by day, when we
don'tP
AMERICAN readers are often amused
with the names of Chinese. To them Ii
Pc Tai and Chy Lung look very funny.
But perhaps it is only in the way we print
it. Suppose some of our own were given
thus: Da Wis and Gree Ley, Schuy Ler
Col Fax and Val Ian Dig Ham.-Neso
York Times.
ONCE when Marshal Mcmahon was COL
onel of a regiment, he had an alteration
with subaltern and threatened him for
disobedience of orders. The officer drew
a pistol, but fortunately the cap snapped.
Mcmahon instantaneously ordered him to
be confined in the guard-room for fifteen
days-for having his arms out of order.
THE punishment for drunkenness among
the Passamaquoddy Indians in the sum
mer is to strip the victim, bind him hand
and foot, and place him on the ground
where he is exposed to the bite of black
flies and mosquitoes, in which position he
10 0AlAA AAO IL HOAto- OOLAO VI
tenders have been known to endure the
punishment for twenty four hours.
THE following inscription can be seen
on white gravestone in an old cemetery
at Newmarket, New Hampshire:
HEARE
Lysye
Body OILS
SIAH HvnT
on dyd IVnE
gyr ye aS; b sS A
TRUTHFUL JAMES, made so familiar by
Bret Harte, is an old Californian product
He appears in John Phenix's sketch of
the return of the Collector from Stockton
Squibob quotes statement of one "Cap-
tain j. b" familiarity known as
" Truthful James," and in the postscript to
the narrative he remarks that Truthful
James" comes to inform him that the Col
lector did not arrive. The queer charac-
ter who rises to explain at Bret Harte's
instigation, had name to live in the early
days of California, and long before his
present manager had any use for him
f' Truthful James is revival and not an
original production.
A COUNTRY merchant who wanted two
tailor's irons, several years ago, ordered
them of firm of hardware merchants in
the city. He first wrote this order:
" Please send me two tailor's gooses."
Thinking this was not grammar, he des-
troyed it and wrote this one: Please send
me two tailor's geese" Upon reflection
he destroyed this one also, for fear he
should receive live geese. He thought
over the matter till he was very much
worried, and at last, in q moment of des-
I, cosxaI 10 aud tr-rnfa the
following, which was duly posted:
" Messrs. So-and-so: Please send me one
tsilor's goose, and, hang it, send me an
otherP'
A PLEASANT instance of poetic justice
is reported from town in Oregon. One
morning a young man called upon the
editor of the only paper in the county, and
asked permission to look at the bound files
of that paper for 1869. 1t was granted.
While the editor was in bed waiting till
his wife could wash his shirt, that young
man carried away the file, nor was it ever
seen again, until his lawyer offered it in
evidence during the trial of an action for
$1,000 damages, for an alleged libel, which
that Young man brought against that
editor. 1t is gratifying to learn that the
plaintiff recovered 611 cents damages, and
WAS bl4C OlAbOA OA- q NAHA -
stealing books, convicted, and sentenced
to the penetentiary for seven years. He
now masticates mush and mOlasses in the
penal institution aforesaid. Let those who
would not share his fate, profit by his ex-
ample.
RATHER remarkable case of cerebral
affection has occurred at SOmerville, Mass.
A lad named Dickinson suddenly disap-
peared from his home. Two days after he
in an exhausted condition. He
stated that after indulging in vigorous
play with other boys, and with his body
heated, he went into the water to swim.
The next day he went to school, feeling
i'll, and studied hard. In the afternoon he
went for a walk, and remembers nothing
more until he found himself in Manches-
ter, N. II. When his senses had returned
he started homeward, and walked all the
way. His shoes and stockings were worn
out. He is now in a serious condition
from fatigue and fever. The danger of
bathing when heated should induce great
caution.