Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-09-19

A man was once travelling through the State
of Illinois, and, coming to ferry and being
out of money the following colloquy took place
between him and the ferryman
Ferryman-''I say, mister, have you got any
money?'
Traveler-"No, sill"
Eerryman-"Have you got any at homer
Traveler-"No, sill"
Ferryman-''Can you borrow any ?"
Traveler-"No, sir.
Ferryman-"Do you expect to get any on the
other side ?"
Traveler-"No, sir"
Ferryman--" well, you had better stay where
you are, for it makes little difference which
side you are on"
A Days WoRK.-Mr. M, of Oxford,
don't object to having hired man do full
days work, at least we should judge SO from
the following story: A short time ago man
went to his place for work. Mr.. M = sent
him blowing around forty acre field. After
he had plowed faithfully all day, until the sun
was about half an hour high, he expressed his
opinion that it was about time to quit work.
ooh, no." said Mr. M, ''you can pillow
around six or eight times more just as we'll as
not"
So the hired man plowed around six or eight
times, then went to the house, took care of his
team, MIXED nine COWS, ate his supper. and
found ten o'clock staring him in the face from
the old timepieee.
Said the hired man to Mrs. M, where
is Mr.. M. p
The good woman answered. 'tHe has retired;
do you wish to see him ?"
He replied that be did. After being conduc-
ted to the bed room, he said, 'Mr. NJ, where
is the axe?"
why" said Mr.. NJ, "what do you want to
do with the axe p
''Well," said the hired man, 81 thought
you might like me to split wood till breakfast
is ready"
A DICTIoNARY.-W that has ever read it
has forgotten the irresistibly funny description
OF the career of dictionary, which Mark
Twain puts into the mouth of one Coon, "a
nice, bald-headed man at the hotel In Angels
camp" in the Big Tree region of the Calave-
ras county, California 1t was to request for
the loan Of book to enliven rainy day, that
Coon replied:
We'll, I've got mighty responsible old
Webster Unabridged, what there is of it. but
they started her sloshing around the CAMP be-
fore | ever got chance to read her myself
and next she went to Murphy and from there
she went to JackasS Gulch, and now she's gone
to San Andreas, and [ don't expect I'll ever
see that book again. But what makes me mad
is, that for all they're so handy about keeping
her sashaying around from shanty to shanty,
and from camp to camp, none of ems got a
good word for her. Now, Coddington had her
week and she was too many for him-he
them regular busters, tow'rd the middle. Won
know, and they throwed him. Next, Over he
triea her jolt, but he couldn't pronounce en-
Dyer can hunt quail and play seven-up as
well as any man. understand, but he can t bro
noTnce worth cent; he used to worry along
wen enough though, till he'd flush one Of them
string of sluice-boxes, and then he'd lose i his
grip and throw up his hand. And SO finally
Dick Stoker harnessed her, up there at his
cabin, and sweat over her, and wrestled with
her for as much as three weeks, night and dav
till he got as far as R, and then passed her
over to 'Lige Pickerell, and said she was the
all-fredest dryest reading that ever be struck. -