The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-09-08

A head wind-A sneeze.
A moose paper-a marriage certif
cate.
Sounding on a kidnapping fol
drinks.
A mean residence-living in self
a-basement.
A joint concern-aaxiety about the
butchers bill
To thoss who are IN pecnniary diff
fculties-get out.
A gentleman caught cold BY kissing
lady's sHowy brow.
A free agent'-one who goes of
with his employers money.
The Cinnamon at north Adams arr
treating the girls to ioe creams.
It Is mistake to suppose the SUI
il supported IN the heavens by its
beams.
There is 30 much whisky paper
afoat in Cincinnati, that money Is
tight.
What are the most siisagreeable ar
ticles for man to keep ON HANDY
Handouts.
A Western town is sadly discon-
csrtsd at finding itself without a
graveyard.
A postmaster by the name oi
Goodale. when he is in a hurry, signs
himself Xxx.
A little Iowa girl has no ears, but
ss her tongue is all right. she will
doubtless live.
When does a son not take after his
father? When his father leaves him
nothing to take.
A meek individual in Minnesota
wept fiuently when the minister pro-
nounced him married.
An artists wife never admires her
husbands work SO much as when he
IS drawing her cheek.
A young man, who is desperately
IN love says that he has been elecsri-
fed by 8 gaivanic battery.
What would be proper verdict to
pass on an old buck's black mus;ache?
Dyed by his own hand.
Two hundred and taenty-four life
insurance frauds have burst in Eu.
land in twenty-six years.
Equality" says French writer.
"means to be equal to your superiors
and superior to your equals.
Seventeen decorations from vari.,ii.
European countries await DIR. Liv-
ingstone upon his return from Africa.
His pilgrimage is over. as the
druggists widow said when she ar
dered an epitaph for his TOMBSTONE
A guest at hotel in Leaven urrh
ate over dozen ears of green coru at
one meal. the day before his funeral.
Boston people who are in dpulbt as
to the best watering places.' nave
got into the habit of asking the milk
men.
The hearts misgivings-eating a
mince pie, and wondering. after a
pause, what the contents were COM
posed of.
Spring trade is reviving in Chica-
60; there were one hundred aud
tHsnty-nine applications for divorce
last-9eek.
A cotemporary says of very
prominent militia general, that his
sword was never drawn but once
and then In rattle.
4 school girl was recently asked at
an examination by the clergyman to
tell him what Adam lost BY his fall,
and when pressed she replied, II
suppose it was his hat
Is your brother-in law really such
. lazy mani asked one gentleman of
another. "LazyI' Was the reply,
s.why he's 30 lazy that he has anariist
employed By the month to draw his
breath with crayon.
They have new cemetery in Ock-
n,ulgse county, Ca. and according
to local paper. the Hon E. w.
Tyson is the first gentleman who has
bad the pleasure of being buried in
this delightful retreat. !" ~
Itisa recognized aphorism that vir-
the Is its own reward, and o man In
memphis has been so successful in
the management Of q street railroad,
that he has besn sppointed Superin-
tendent Of q Sunday echool. -
Fashionable shams are perilous.
At recent bali in Paris, it is related
that an elegantly dressed lady found
herself wearing only the string of her
necklace, the delicate wax pearls
having melted away in the heat.
An undertaken who was briskly
finishing up 8 coffin. being asked
whom it was for, replied, 81 can t
tell which but two women have start
ed out on q talking match and it will
be sure to end IN the death of one of
semg
The attention Of two drummers
was attracted to : peculiar chimney
on q house in Virgins, and asked q
FAX haired urchin If it ssdrawed well "
Yes, replied the boy. 1sit draws the
attention Of all fools that pass this
road.
An Irishman having jumped into
the water TO sase 9 man from drown
ing, upon receiving 8 quarter from
the person as y reward for his ser.
vices, loked first at the money and
then at him, aud at last exclaimed:
I'm over paid for the iob."
A young man who visited his sweet
heart on Sunday night was expos
tuleted with for drinking whisky and
90 much of it; bat found q satisfaeto-
ry explanation IN the remark that