The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1871-06-29
S gH.ARDWARE.
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Agreat ocean race
Irredeemable bonds-vagaotl ~
The baloonists motto-air or naugf..
The temple Of God is the heart of the
lowly.
Where should post-men be buried?
In postscript.
He is a good man whose intimate
friends are all good.
The greatest nutmeg ever known met
with q crater.
How TO raise bects-take hold Of the
tops and pun.
Sweet are tho uses of advertise.
ments.
A firm friend-an obstinate Quaker.
Net proceeds fish.
A wonderful aerial phenomenon-a
flight of stairs.
"The wife's secret" her opinion Of
her husband.
How to make time 60 fast--use spur
of the moment.
Laws, like sausages. cease to inspire
respect in proportion as we know how
they are made.
Marrying woman for her beauty is
like eating q nightingale for its sing
ing.
Whether old age IS to be respected de-
pends very much upon whether it ap.
plies to men or to poultry.
Why is a mouse like load of hay?
Because the catl eat it.
Counter irritants-peoplc who exam.
inc the whole stock and buy nothing.
He who waits to do great deal at
once will never do anything.
Why is the Prince of Wales like a
chignon? Because he's the heir aspsr-
ent of the crown.
A prudent man is like pin his head
prevents him going to far.
A farmer gathers what he sows, while
a seamstress sews what she gathers.
A very sharp chap thinks that Column
discovering America, as the country Is
so large he could not well have missed
it.
"Grandma," said shrewd child, "do
you want some candy?" "Ycs, dear, +
should like some." "Then if you'll buy
some I'll give you half" said Polly.
The word deb is composed of the
initials of "dun every body twice."
Credit is formed Of the initial letters
of "call regularly every day will
trust"
"Wife, do you know that have got
the peneumonia ?'' "New monia, i'm
deed! Such extravaganza! You're the
spendthriftiest man ever did see, to go
and lay out money for such trash, when
you know I need new bonnet so very
much"
my dear,' said Mrs. Bundle to her
daughter, "you must have something
warm around you in the carriage" Miss
B. mentioned the request of her mother
to her beau, and he Immediately COM
piled with it.
a matron under cross examination rs
witness, turned up her nose at the in-
situation that her daughter was inclin-
ed to wed widower. VERY likely, in.
deed" said she, with toss of her head,
"tha: my daughter should marry a sec.
Ond hand man!'
1t is said that when great American
dies, the first thing done is to resolve to
build a monument to his memory and
the second is, not to build It.
a little boy, after thinking a long
time, said to his mother II don't SEQ
how the devil came to turn out so, when
there was no other devil to put him up
to it.'
"George,' asked teacher of a men,
ber of his class, "Who of all others will
you wish to see when you get to heav-
en- % With face Frightening up with
anticipation the little fellow shouted,
"Gerliah."
A lady in Paris recently gave COM
cert at her house. "Do you like Ros-
sini?" said she to one of her male guests.
"Rossini-indeed, I do; he is my favor
ite composer" "Are you familiar with
his Barber (of Sevillen' "Oh dear,
no." was the reply; ~ always shave
myself"
A story, told out in Denver, Col, fs
that during the late tornado there gen.
tleman lost his bran new stovepipe hat,
and rushing to the telegraph office, sent
telegram to the next station, asking to
have the hat stopped on its course, to
which the reporter rer.ied, "Too late;
already missed ,,