Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1871-04-30
SOCIAL ORGAN GRINDERS.
The Takers Of Society and the
Tunes They Grind.
Scientific, Musical and Political
Organists.

Il SAAAC1 suOulu pOdbebS WOOQ6u DOX
with bellows and other apparatus in
side. Once set our friend Tom Brown
for instance, off on the subject of Mod
ern Degeneracy, and he will grind away
at his fayorite tune till you are willing &c
give him anything (hints are powerless
to ''move on" There is one thing to b
| said for the organ grinder proper-he
does sometimes change the tune, whereas
bis brother of the tongue never does. NJ
mysterious process, and ''click" effects
variation; but on, on, on, in the same
old key and the same old tune.
The members of the tongue organ
grinding fraternity are of two classes
the social grinder and the public grinder
The social grinders confine themselves t.
the circle which is blessed with them fol
Its members, and they are, of course, o.
various kinds. Some are politicians, some
philantbropists, some laughing philOso.
piers, and some weeping philosophers.
Brown is $3.50. $1,000
4-f - A SOCIAL GRINDER
of the weeping philosopher species. 81
tell you sirp-the handle begins to turn
England is going down the hill; her
| commerce is deteriorating; her army and
navy are in state of inefflciency; and
Church and State are going to the dogs
altogether. That is the tune, and the
variations come in here and there. This
is about the least endursble species of
grinder; he is perfectly contented to point
out everything that is wrong, without at
tempting to find remedy for it. We are
most of us acquainted with one or two
political grinders, and we also know come
of the tunes played by them-such as
"Vote by Ballot" and Compulsory Edu-
cation" Alas we pity him who knows
the tune of ''Woman's Rights" played
by female performer.
The philanthropic organ grinder is per-
haps as easy to deal with as any; he al
ways has some case in hand recurring
charitable aid, and we can, if we arie so
disposed, give him something to move on
to next door. But, il we are not willing
to purchase peace in this way, we have
TO endure his music. 1t is very seldom
that it will answer to metaphorically slam
the door in his face-he is not to be
daunted. ..
The scientific grinder is much dreaded;
he plays away for the hour together, and
his friends look at one another in hopeless
silence, but as silence is all he wants he
is perfectly satisfied. If you should give
him copper, in the shape of an APPROX
ing "Ohl" or "Ah!" the only change he
makes is TO direct his melody to you in
particular for the next few minutes, dur
ing which time you have to look
as If you perfectly understood the
theory of atoms, and had formed
some definite idea with regard to
THE PORTABLE INHABITANTS OF THE MOON,
feeling yourself all the time to be a d.
lapidated hypocrite, and knowing that
your friends see through you. From some
scientific grinders it is impossible to OBJ
tain the shortest respite; even at meals
they will insist upon reducing the various
articles of food to their lowest denomina-
ton, by telling US what proportion of this
Is starch, or how much of that is gluten
till we almost begin to doubt whether
solid bread and butter are not mere opti-
cal decisions after all.
Then there is the anecdotal grinder.
something is always occurring to remind
him of one of his anecdotes, and ono e let
him obtain the cue from some unluckv
remark, and he grinds forth his anf ,cdotes
by the dozen. In the course of CONVEX
sation, a gentleman happens to mention
that he was salmon fishing in t'ae High
lapds last month; this is enoug n. and he
fore the first speaker has b sd time to
give an account of his tor r. there ia a
cough from Cur friend of
the anecdotes, and be proceeds "Ah.
that reminds me ri the Il me when and
two or three friends went down to
Greenwich 20 taste the white bait" He
then goes on to enlarge on his personal
exper' .ence of the prime minister, in the
mrst of which history he is perhaps re-
minded of some other anecdote, equally
interesting, which he faithfully recounts,
after which he proceeds with the original
story. 1t is amusing to observe those
who are acquainted with the propensity
of this gentleman, when they have un-
fortunately let slip leading remark, and
they hear the preparatory cough-that is
the knell of doom-a look of silent en-
guish passes across their face, which is
gradually replaced by an expression of
calm resignation, and they are then pre-
pared for the infiiction. The remedy for
this description of organ grinding can
only be practiced when the audience
thoroughly know the habits of the per-
former; the course to be taken is, the
the cough is heard, for all to be
taken suddenly deaf, and to talk together
in loud tones, mingled with laughter, on
the first topic that presents itself. This
may
NIP THE STORY IN THE BUD.
Ii, however, the grinder is of the most |
determined class, it is as well to give in |
at once, for tell his anecdote he will, if |
he waits the whole evening for it; besides
which, it is nobleT for all to suffer to-
gether than to allow one luckless indiVid-
ual to be taken by the buttonhole on the
first opportunity, and receive the whCie
alone and unsupported.
To the punDlng grinder we must own
to having particular aversion. Pms.
at their right time, when they .llv are
puns, we Can laugh at heartily. but this
specimen of the grinder, as }. is nature is,
seems to spend an exis' .ence making
what he calls puns. If 1e is a compare
tive stranger, and you wish to treat him
with ordinary respect the case is a most
painful one. He Pc chaps makes a pun,
10 appreciate VINE it is necessary to ig-
1ore an n, promo 4nce q 10 like q, and
lIop nnsi 9. Now, under these circum-
stances, =. rs perfectly impossible to
augh' so all that you can do is to make q
'oi' of gurgle at the bottom of the
.Iroat, and pass spasm across the face.
This the miserable man mistakes for
laugh, and goes on rejoicing with his
grinding.
The medical organ grinder is generally
a gentleman who, having begun life as q
doctor, and retired early from the profess
sion, has but a faint remembrance of his
medical knowledge. He, however, is
always prepared to doctor you on any
pretext whatever. If, on meeting him,
in answer to kind inquiries, that you have
A SLIGHT HEADACHE,
he looks piercingly at you, and says:
"Whereabouts2 In the middle of the
forehead? l am afraid there is some
little sign of cerebral disease. Ever had
any relations suffer from insanity Ali
was afraid so; grandmother's first cousin
twice removed. If this little pain does
not decrease, should advise you to see
q medical man." For the next month,
you think of nothing but little pains in
The middle of the forehead and hereditary
insanity. If, on the other hand, you