Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1871-01-26
RATES OF ADVERTISING.
WIT AND WISDOM.

: Oliver Wendell Holmes says "a boy
! should be put in a barrel and fed from
Z the bung-hole till he becomes of age.
!, Fffty-nine newspapers in towns and
? cities on the Pacific Coast perished dur
, ing the past year.
"My notion of wife at forty Is. -
said Jerrold, "that aman should be able
!; to change her like a bank-note- two
twepties!"
"Father said sporting youth to his
revered parent, :.''they say trout will
bite now" "Well," was the crushing
reply, "mind your work, and then you'll
besure they won't bite you!"
A Carriage was upset in Auburn.
n. York, the other day, by an infuriated
animal that was afterward descriptively
referred to by modest lady as ga bach
elor OK"
i AT the late dinner of the Tobacco As
lsociatiOn in Richmond. a toast was
drunk in which it was said that Virgin
la sucked the Northwestern States i'm
their infancy, and. they must feed her
now. ,a-r s
Anna Dickinson says that call wo-
men marry for love-" Anna is mista-
ken. The statistics of domestic happi-
ness show that nearly one-half of them
marry for revenge.-ENew York Com
mercial Advertiser.
In Lubect, Main, recently, marriage
took place, the Bridegroom a widower
and the bride a widow, both in thu sew
enty-eightq year of their age, and each
having children on the shady side of
fifty.
George Francis Train made thirty-four
speeches in Marseilles in eleven days.
Long before he got through, the Mayor,
at the earnest request of the inhabit-
ants, telegraphed the Prussians to come
Immediately and take the place.
An Idiana journal is trying to pro-
mote pedestrian exercise among the stu
dents OF the State by urging law to
prohibit the sale of liquor within three
miles ofany institution of learning.
There is much food for reflection in
the following question and answers:
Who .. hits woman when she is down?'
why, another woman. "Who keeps
her DOWN." "Why, another woman.''
''Neyer," says a hen-pecked man.
marry woman worth more than thou
art. When / married my wife was
worth fifty cents; and when any differ
ence has occurred between us she
throws up the odd shilling.n
Ayoung lady of Cincinnati is about to
commence the study of law, with a
view to the practice of it in the Courts.
AS she possesses great personal beauty,
1t Is to be presumed that she will daz-
zle and bewilder a jury as much by her
charms as by her logic
The Portland (Me.) Transcript ON the
of a lady in that city who has
visited London lately, and has means
OF knowing, denies the current state
ments regarding the unhappiness Of
j Jenny Lind's married life and the char
acter of her husband.
The mocking bird in Florida has a
special fOndneSs for the berry of the
Prlde-Of-China tree, upon the Juice of
which he gets exceedingly tipsy. The
spectacle of a flock of intoxicated mock
ing birds is said to be equivalent to
half dozen temperance lectures.
81 think" says DIR. John Brown. of
+" that every family Should
have dog. 1t is like perpetual baby:
and then it betrays no secrets, never
'ulks, ask no troublesome questions,
never gets into debt, never comes down
ate to breakfast, and it is always ready
for bit of fun.'
A fellow having spite against saus-
ige maker, rushed into his shop when
.rowded with customers, threw large
lead cat upon the counter, and said:
that makes nineteen; We'll settle
when you are not so busy.
Huxley, the English savant, has Civ
IN way to his atheistic notions, suffi-
;ient to admit the Bible into schools, as
here should be a moral substratum to
chlld'S education to make it valuable,
md the Bible for such a purpose is in
A lady who was acting as gratuitious
in writing letter for
ady friend last week, had the impu-
lence to throw the letter in the fire
When nearly finished, for the simple
eason that the lady for whom she was
writing modestly requested her to close
writing and spelling."
Rev. Lyman Beecher, explaining the
marvellous success of his pastorate in
boston, said: SIT is not 1 that do tit
) my church; preach as hard as can
N Sabbath, and then have four hun
red members who go out and preach
very day in the week"
A Young colored man in Kansas,
whose pedal extremities project from
he middle of his feet, skates as easily
ackward as forward, but in making
hort turns he has an awkward habit of
reading on his own heels, which eaus-
him to suddenly take seat on the
ack of his head.
One of our popular preachers says:
have great hope of wicked mans
lender hope of mean one. A wicked
IAN may be converted and become
re-eminent saint. A mean man ought
D be converted six or seven times, one
lght after the other, to give him fair
tart and put him on an equality with
old wicked man.
Truly is life akin to grief-and how
eceSSary Is it to our nature! As the
ght consumes the inanimate substance
rests upon, so that it requires the
fght to restore what is lost during the
ay, thus does prosperity fasten upon
hat is best within US, only to be the
ark blessings within US.
An old farmer said to one of his sons:
Boys, don't you ever spekelate, or
Tait for sunthin to turn up. You might
st as well go an sit down on stone in
ne middle Of a medder, with a pail
twixt your legs, an wait for cow to
aek up to you to be MIXED"
Old DIR. Stearns, of New London, in
is latter days kept drug store. A gem
eman one day purchased cigar of
ne Doctor, and lighting IL. began tn