Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-10-19
Humorous Readings.

The Bas.o1 Commercial BuRetin's
"l4tes" are these:
What SEASON of the year has the most
creditors? The Fall, to be sare. We are
continually reading of the fail 0aCing sums
when list of figures is given.
December may b. said to be the wear
ing apparel of the seasons, it being the
close Of the gear.
Which is the most hungry season ?
Summer, for no one disputes the Sum
mer's (h)eat.
October cannot be said to be an upright
month, for it is always found in the
Fall of the year.
Summer must perforce be upright, for
it will turn upside down if it tries TO be
seated. If you do not believe II, try
summer set yourself.
MAY is the most surprising month, for
whenever a person is surprised he will
admit that tits G-naagS-Haent.
4 nice production may always be ex-
pected from December.
January is month like the foreman of
jury, being the first of the twelve.
What il the boatman's month Why,
the month of roseS is. Don't June knOa0
Ia?
A few days ago, at a negro camp meet
ing held near Flushing. the colored
preacher said, 81 tell You, Dubbed bred
ern. that the debble is a big hog, an one
of these days he'll come along an root
you out" An old negro, In one of the
anxious pews, hearing this, raised him
self from the straw. and clapping his
hands, exclaimed in the agony of his
tears Ching him, Lord J ring him."
The Prince Imperial of Austria has
Just made tour of Bohemia, where his
youth did not protect him from official
harangues. As he was returning from
one of these orstoricsl receptions, and
passing along a shady and sequestered
alley with bis preceptor only. the latter
asked him, "Well, monseigneur, do you
like this promenade p "Yes, certainly"
replied the Prince; "trses at any rate do
not make speeches"
| Here is the experience of an afflicted
Dutchman's wife: "Kstsrina, like TO
know who gief you de hrivelige dat you
shal go ant spent me fife cent for to buy
dat plue rippon vat you died arount your
vatervalls? You want to presk me up in
de pixesness. eh ? / pet you dem dings
don't never happens again in dis family
because / schlsp you town SO fat as you
can't slant, amt it? Coon, Shake"
turning to a friend, "lets go; lent us
half tollar, and go on spree out ait
der ScheutZen."
An Ohio paper tells of a grocer there
abouts who is noted for the filthy state of
his store. He sold barrel of sugar to a
farmer, who, when he had consumed the
suRar, discovered dead hen setting on q
nest of smashed eggs. It is supposed that
the clerk who filled the order, forgot TO
examine the barrel, and just sugsr-cured
the hen as she sat on the nest.
A Cruel Duck-George intending to
ask his sfiauced to crown his hopes.
Dearest Matilda, there's subject that's
nearest to our hesrts-would you think it
too SOON 4? Might hope that by the end
of August this protracted postponement
-" Matilda" dear Do you
mean the Tichborne case? o, isn't it
awful? It'll be quite dreadful when
there's nothing in the papers for pa to
read"- Punch.
Ready-made clothing dealers in Wash
\ ipeton appeal to the dishonesty of their
customers to get rid of shopworn and old
style coats. They put fat pocket book
in an inner pocket, tell the purchaser that
the "coat was made for Mr.. Brown hut
was too tight across the back, and he re-
turned it." The buyer feels the wallet,
supposes Mr.. Brown left it, says nothing
and pays two prices for the coat. He in
dulges in profanity when be finds that
; the contents of the pocket book are news
J papers scraps.
: Sharp boy.-A correspondent OF the
Roston 7rdgeler records the following
"a bright little boy about four years Of
age, son of clergyman, was at your cor
RESPONDENTS house one evening with his
/ parent. and / gave him couple of five
, cent pieces. He laid them on the table,
and putting his finger on one, said !:
This one / am going to give to the
heather and the other one i am going to
keep myself He played with them
awhile, till one of them finally rolled
awav and be could Dot find il. Well
said !, my lad. which one have you lost Z
oh said be, Il have lost the one | was
: going TO give to the besthen."
A blunder-Whiielaw Reid, wss =
: dozen years ago editing the Xenia Ohio
News; in bis TRAITS of Journalism be
tells the following: "One day we had an
advertisement of the Columbus CONNER
4 cial College, and the foreman came TO me
and told me there must be an editorial
notice of it. Ny time was short. The
2 forms were wsitiDg, and L wrote straight
n way: The Columbus Commercial College
= ia an excellent and well-deservine institu
!, tion. The advertisement appears in an
u other column i sent il TO the proof
r reader snd went home. got up late tht
It next day, end the edition bad all teer
e mailed before I ssw il. You can imsein'
> the perfectly amiable state of feeling
when l read The Columbus Commercia
College il an excellent and hell desercin.
: institution You cant believe il, bu
.. this day the bill for that advertisement
9. running"