Weekly Trinity journal., 1871-02-04
NUMBER s..
FACT AND FANCY.

| fast team-a team in the mud.
| Bride chambers-harness rooms.
| Something always on hand--your thumb.
The way to become round is to eat square
meals.
When newspapers like turnips2 When
they are Hoe'd.
The tool with which editors hew out their for
tunes is the " ads"
Short calls are the best, as the fly said when
he lit on a hot stove.
Life is a beautiful night, in which, as some
stars go down, other rise.
The poor man who tried to " carry the day"
has been weakly ever since.
Some people have voice and won't sing;
others will sing without having voice.
Why is a young.widow like musical perform
ance? Because she's morning consort.
young lady in Boston recently tried to do
up her hair with a honey to make it look
d" sweetly."
A marriage recently occurred in Ashland,
Ohio, where the bride was 81 and the BRIDE
groom 75,
At ball in Wisconsin, the other night the
orchestra consisted of coarse comb covered
with paper.
An Irshmau, in his will, ordered his body to
be burned after death, as he afraid of being
buried alive.
few evenings ago, thirty lectures were in
progress within thirty minutes ride of the Bos-
ton City Hall.
Chinese thief having stolen missionarys
watch, brought it back the next day to be shown
how to wind it up.
If a hole made in a wall by cannon ball is
called breach, would two such holes make o
pair of-oh good gracious
In New Jersey graveyard is plain stone
with this inscription " Julia Adams, died of
thin shoes, April 18th, 1869, in her 10th year"
A poet says: "Oh, she was fair, but sorrow
came and left its traces there" What became
of the remainder Of the harness he does not
state.
Little boys who experiment at nattening PEN
nies on the railroad track will do well to pick
out the other little boys whom they wish to act
as pall-bearers
Advertising and printing puts you before tho
people. diiident man should uot go into
business. Papers and printers ink have made
thousands rich.
An Irish paper says that, " In the absence of
both editors the publishers have succeeded in
securing the services of q gentleman to edit the
paper this week"
81 never could bear children, said crusty
old maid to Mrs. Partngton. Perhaps, il you
could, you would like them better" mildly re-
piled the old lady.
bridge at Denver, Colorado, sports this no
tice; "No vehicle drawn by more than one
imal is allowed to cross this bridge in opposite
directions at the same time"
" Mamma can n door speak2" "Certainly
not, my dear" "Then why did you tell Anne
this morning to answer the door2' q 1t is time
for you to 80 to school, my dear"
1t is said that the man who won't take pa
per because he can borrow one, has invented u
machine by which he cook his own dinner
by the smoke Of his neighbours chimney.
"A
posed she was quoting it when she greeted her
son, who came home TO keep Thanksgiving in
the following words: " Here comes the fattod
calf"
"Miss Brown, have been to learn how to tell
fortunes" said young man to a brisk brunette;
just give me your hand if you please" "La,
Mr.. White, how very sudden you are well, go
and ask pa"
man, having spite at sausage maker,
rushed into his shop when crowded with Gus
toners, threw large dead cat upon the counter
and said " That makes nineteen Wen set
tie when you're not busy P'
A bashful young man was escorting a bashhl
young lady, when she said, entreatingly, "'Ze-
kial, don't tell anybody you beaued me home"
"Don't mind" replied he, 81 am as much
ashamed of it as you are"
"Come, Bob, get up" said an indignant
father to his hopeful son the other morning.
" Remember, it is the early bird that catches
the worms" % What do | care for worms ~
said the young hopeful. "Mother won't let me
go fishing"
The San Antonio postmaster recei d letter
lately TO my Nanny" 1t was n, delivered
till, some weeks after, small fierce oking wo-
man appeared at the post office winGy saying,
" Mister have you got any letter theb from my
JohnnyW when he hit the mark at once.
The life of an editor is not always free from
care. They have to stand this up m Newman,
Q. m thari
boy, " there goes ap editor" "My son, you
should not make sport of the poor man you
cannot tell to what extremity you may come"
| I-Charteston Courier.
And now Phil. Sheridan is turning his atten-
| tion to legal requirements. lie is to be married
on his return from Europe to Miss Bessie Law,
one of the bellies Of GAINESVILLE, Ohio. He evil
IDENTIFY wants his phil of reStons-in-law. A
iather-in-law Law, mother-ihE ~ Law Sis
ter-in-law, Law. La
"Will YOU take this woman tobe your wife p
"Well Squire" was the reply, "you must be
green IN to ak me such question as that. Do
you suppose I'd be such plaguey fool as to go
to the bar hunt and take this gal to the quilting
frolic, if warnt conscrptuously sartn and de-
termined TO have herr Drive on with your busi-
ness"
Two New York BARRIERS, engaged to fight a
duel, agreed to start and walk around block,
and when they got in sight of each other to blaze
away. When they turned the corner out of
sight, both started on run in different direc-
tons, and one has sent from Alaska for his Win
ter clothes, and the other has written to his wife
from the city of Mexico, asking her to send his
linen coat and palm-leaf hat.
| candidate travelling through the rural pre-
cincts of a certain county, few days since,
rode up to a farmhouse and thus addressed
tow headed urchin who was seated upon the top
of gate post Bub, where is your par