The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-05-11
VOLUME 6---NO. 46.
ALL SORTS OF PARAGRAPHS.

tudt 10 iiOG OHiiGiiCu WILL lOuiCf SiituOoi
= Why should young ladies set good
examples? Because young men are al
ways following them.
- Mrs. Partington will not allow Ike
to play the guitar She says he had it
once when child, and it nearly killed
him.
1t would soem that Gen. Grants
highest ambition is to retire at the end of
second term with "plenty of money and
no poor kim"
= The chap who took tho thread of life
to sew the rent OF house has gono and
invented patent point for cross-eyed
needles.
"A Western editor says that a girl
who is now called 80 beautiful blonde"
would, a few years ago, have been termed
ga tow-head."
-"Confusion to the man." said car
penter, "tLat invented working by candle
light" GAY, or by daylight, either" re-
piled his apprentice.
- Thore are two places where mutila-
ted currency is. taken-at the post-ofice
and church collections. You can pass it
easiest at the latter place.
= The girl of the period is accused of
being too practical. And yet glance
at her chignon proves how fond she is of
building castles in the air.
"A Connecticut sclfool boy has writ
ten composition on the horse, in which
he says it's an animal having four legs,
"onc at each corner"
The strongest propensity in wonan's
nature, says careful student of the sex,
is to want to know what is going on, and
the next strongest is to boss the job.
- None are so fond of secrets as those
who do not mean to keep them !; such
persons covet secrets as spendthrift
covets money-for the purpose of circu-
lation.
An exchange says "Grant's admins
tration is rs weak as water" Very tr1e,
and yet it has more whiskey mixed with
it than any administration we have ever
had.
-"How much did he leave?" inquired
gentleman of wag on learning the
death of wealthy citizen. Everything"
responded the wag; "he didn't take o
dollar with him p
-"Here's Webster on a bridge" said
Mrs. 'Partington, as she handed to Ike q +.
new unabridged dictionary. "Study at
contentively, and you will gain great
deal of Inflammation"
"A Quaker's advice to his son on his
wedding day "When thee went court
ing aold thee to keep thy eyes wide
open, now that thou art married 1 tell thee
to keep them half shut"
An exchange says: "We are in re-
ceipt Of two poems, one on the 'Throb-
bing Brain and tho other on Bleeding
Heart We will wait until we receive
one on the Stomach Ache and publish
all three together"
= Mark Twain, in introducing friend
by letter to some residents OF California,
asks them to do all they con to entertain
him, and suggests, among other things,
that they call out vigilance committee
and hang man or two.
-" "Bachelors," says Josh Billings, "are
always braggin' of their freedom J.
Freedom to darn their own stockings and
poultice their own shins! had rather
be widowor once in two years, regular,
than to be a grunting, old, hair-dyed
bachelor only ninoty-nine days"
"A Peekskill IN. W paper has re-
ceived the following. admonition: "Mr.
Editurs-What did you print my family
matters in yur paper for.it il none yur
bizness if my wife, did have twins [ pays
for them and you'll get your head punched
you had bost tend to yer own biziness.-
J. p"
= Women have much finer sense Of
the beautiful than men. They arc by far
the safest umpires in matters of propricty
and grace. A mere school girl will be
thinking and writing about the beauty of
birds and flowers, while her brother is
robbing the nests and destroying tho
flowers.
Truth will ever be unpalatable to
those who arc determined not to relin-
quish error, but can never give offence to
the honest and well meaning; for the
plain dealing remonstrances of a friend
differ as widely from the rancor of an
enemy, as tho friendly probe of physi-
clan from the dagger Of assassin.
= They are practicing rhetoric out
eSG. n CHlcaSo laPoi, "oV,e'"S o'seA
down" on the part of one of its contempo-
rarics upon some local issue, gets at the
point in this way: "It was reduction,
at single step, from the portentous dig
nifty of a seeming pestilcnce to the simple
nastiness of confessed nuisance"
A minister found it difficult to got
his salnry promptly. Lattcrly, it was
much behind. Going to one of his dclin-
'qucnt parishioners, in the hardware trade,
ho looked over his stock of corkscrews
very tastidiously, saying he wanted ono
of peculiar size and strength. To the in
quiry, "What do you want of such one,
anyhow 7" the answer was: "My dear sir,
1 want one that can draw my salary."-
Tho payments come much mere promptly
now.