Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1871-06-09
Euntt tot Jntttupisfs


Toilers of the see-Opticians.
The woman's club-Tbe broomstick. |
A morning (w)rapper-the milk
man.
Wholesale mantaa making-Sack-
ing 4 city.
A man who sat upon paper of
carpet nails said ;hcy reminded him
IF the income tax.
Gravity is said to be no more evil
lence of wisdom than paper collar
$ of linen shirt.
An advertiser ir one Of the papers
says he has cottage TO let, contain
NC eight rooms and on acre Of Ind.
Never put a burglar in Jail that has
ret the smallpox-he is likely to
break out.
A hard case-The house the poor
snail is compelled to live in.
There not being much coffee in
the house, mum" a Connecticut
Bird get put in "a little tay to fill up"
At what time of life may man be
said to belong to the vegetable king
dom? When long experience has
made him sage. .
The Portland Press announced re-
Gently that "a public breakfast o.
minister's and members of the Evan,
gelical churches will be held in the
morning." etc. That would be good
news for Cannibal islanders.
Said a pompous husband, whose
wife had stolen up behind him and
given him a kiss, Madam. | consid-
err such an act indeco Gu - Excuse
me-" said the wife,. II didn't know
it was you"
Dat in Iowa, fishing parties of thir-
ty or forty couples take along brass
band to play on one side of the stream
and drive the fish to the hooks Oh
the other.
Some new beginners are practiS.
inc on such specimens as these -
T ''How much does fool weigh gener
ally? \ simpleton. In what colo
r Should a secret be kept? In violet.
An i.l-naturcd contemporary say
that Pennsylvania should shake IL
hcr shoes, at the news of the discover,
, of coal in Rhode Island for. SHOULD
the same prove middling thick ant
underlie the whole State. the produces
would be as much as seven bushels.
y Anew Hampshire Irishman became
/ frightened while being lowered into I
deep we'll the other day, and criet
\ out to the men above that if they dix
4 not haul himSIp he'd cut the rope
: To save the rope they hauled him up
Campton, n. H., captured bea
last week weighing 325 pounds. ant
extracted six gallons of hair OF
from him." The papers in the vicin
ity speak of the extraction as i
!, they had only to tap the animal t.
get at the hair oil refined, scented
and bottled
They tried to lay down some con
crete pavcmentS in Providence, r. l.
c the other day, but from the ingeniou
= way in which the thing was done. tn
3, citizens carried off most of the stui
: on their boots, to the manifest iniur
of carpets and the encouragement 0
0 numerous prospective lawsuits.
A TAILOR's IDEA OF AN APOLOGY
A Topeka KANSAS paper contain
= the subjoinel apology. 1t was pub
: lished at the aggrieved doctors ex
. pense:
"An APOLOGY, Some time las
:. winter, DIR. S. i. Sheldon ordered
me to make him fine single breast
ed frock coat, to be worth SIS.
= made the coat, and it was perfec
!, fit, but he left it on my hands because
: he wanted a swallow tall instead
, whereby | suffered a loss of $40
, This spring he ordered of me bust
ness suit and endeavored again t.
leave a coat on my hands. | toll
: him to leave me the whole suit or pa,
m for it. He refused, 2nd 1 kickec
: him ont of my shop at o'clock OF
the morning of March %. 1871. II,
has since. however, paid me, and re
quested an apology, which | nov
make, and state that had he paid IT,
for my work as requested, l would
not have kicked him out of my shoI
= as above mentioned.
J. Y. HART"