The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1871-10-06
WIT AND WISDOM.

l Inecap OI1tDerty-7Au eAuHSul5Hef
Trust OF still water nor a silenl
man.
Poverty is not q shame, but being
ashamed of it is. - -.
He that is too proud to ask is toe
good to receive. ~ e.
The dead to the bier, and the livins
to good cheer.
He cannot speak well that cannot
hold his tongue.
Flowers that are always falling off
Bachelors buttons.
He that bites on every weed must
needs light on poison.
Why is love like potato? Because
1t shoots from the eyes.
Are good-looking women ever en-.
gagged as "plain cooks?"
That man is indeed hard up who
cannot get credit even for good in'
tentions.
Newboys are never "broke," fol
they always have an "extra--ttTo
cents" rs
A feminine boat club is organizing
at Yonkers, but is at present In q
crewed condition. - :
The stream of life forks; and religion
| is apt to run In one channel and busi-
ness in another.
The wife who would properly dis
charge her duties must never have q
soul "above buttons"
All women, let them be never so
homely, are pleased to hear them
selves celebrated for their beauty.
Why is every Boston boy sure to
| make a noise in the world? Because
he is little Hub-bub in himself.
Fashionable virtue-Flirt with your
friends pretty wife; pretend you are
| In love with her older sister.
A drummer is the fastest man in
| the world, because time beats all men
but q drummer beats time.
Although Saratoga is thinning out,
there Is said yet to remain one lady
from New York with 100 silk dresses.
T An Irish Judge said, when address
ing a prisoner. "You are to be hang
ed, and I hope 1t will prove warn
ing oyou."
Nopeople under heaven can excel
the Americans in the manly art of
sitting On bench and seeing eighteen
men play ball. ......-
A veteran shopkeeper says that al.
| though his clerks are very talkative
during the day, they are always ready
to shut up at night. --
The wife is the sun of the social sys-
tenn. Unless she attracts there Is
nothing to keep heavy bodies, like
husbands, from flying off into space.
What bird Is that which it is abso-
lutely necessary that We should have
at our dinner-table, and yet need
be cooked or served up? A swallow.
None are so fond of secrets as those
who do not mean to keep them; such
persons covet secrets as a spendthrift
does money, for the purpose of circu-
lation.-COlton. ..a+' - ..'-r .+' .'
A militia officer being told by a
| phrenologist that he had an organ Of
locality very large, innocently replied,
| every likely; l was fifteen years in
the local militia"
| The last word is the most danger
. GUS of Internal machines. Husband
and wife should no more strive to get
l it than they would struggle to get
possession Of a lighted bombshell.
Success rides on every hour; Crap
ole it and you may win, but without
3 crapple it will never go with you.
WORK is the weapon Of honor, and he
who lacks the weapon will never tri-
umph.
A Domestic Revelation-Niceb boy
"I'm Jolly glaG, you're going to stop
with u.s." Visito,r-"Are you, darling?
Why SOP" Nice boS'-'Cause we shall
have nice dinners no,y."--Judy.
1t is evident that the most worthy
efforts often fail, while the worst sue
ceed. This fact alone ought to show
the folly Of basing an st'mate OF
character on superficial reckoning
of results.
A man in Galveston, the other d!ay,
who complained of being overheatecf
effected q permanent cure by drink
ing six glasses of ice-ws ter, without
the aid Of a physician. He was cool
when the coroner came.
'Is your brother-in-law really such
u lazy Iut&u! dShcu Ouc Scutfciua1 VI
another. "Lazy!n was the reply,
"why, he's so lazy that he has an ar
tist employed by the month TO draw
his breath with crayon." .-
at is the type of eternal TRUTH"
saws John Ruskin, "that the souls
armor is never well set to the heart
unless q woman's hand has braced it,
and it is only when she braces it loose
ly that the honor of manhood fails"
Death is the cure Of all diseases.
There is no catholicon, or universal
remedy / know, but this. which
though nauseous to queasy stomachs,
vet to prepared appetites is nectar and
q pleasant portion of Immortality
Sir Thomas Browne.
The New York Standard waxing
els;. uent on the fall fashions, says:
.Ieaves have the ir time to fall,
The flowers to withef when cold winds
blow on it,
And stars to set, but all, .- .
Thou hast all seasons for thine own. 0
bonnet!"
Tipsy customer-"Ap pint o. whisky,
please. shire" Publican-"Ye'H get
pea mair. whisky here, McTavish.
! Haven't told you-in plain English?
Dive want it in Latin and. Greek?"
Tipsy customer-tNo, thank ye, shir;