South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1871-12-01


BLUNDERs OF BAsHFULNEss.- If there
is any defect more striking than another
IN American character, it is bashfulness
Young America, in particular, is painfully
affected by it.-An incident is mentioned
by correspondent, who was desired by his
aunt to go over to her neighbor Shaws
and see if he had any straw for sale for fill
ing beds 'Mr. Shaw said our inform
ant, was blessed with a goodly number of
Misses Shaw, and therefore felt little
timid at encountering them. To make
the matter worse | arrived just as the fam
lily were seated at dinner. Stopping at the
doorway, hat in hand, | stammered out
Mr.. Straw, can you spare me enough shaw
to fill a couple of beds 2
WELL replied the old gentleman, CLAN
chg around at his large family, and en-
joying my mistake, q don't know but |
can how many will you need ?
Before | could recover, those hateful
girls burst into chorus of laughter, and
[ broke for homo in a cold sweat
ESA An old farmer said to his sons -
Boys, don't you ever speckerlate or wait
for summit to turn up You might Jest
as well 90 an sit down on a stone in the
middle Of medder with pail atwixt your
legs, an wait for a COW to back to you to
be MIXED
EF-An item in a Kansas paper informs
the public that Mr. - of Missouri cot
to owning horses that didn't belong to him,
and the next thing he knew he couldn't
get his feet down to the ground lie
strangled'
ABSENT MINDED PEOPLE Absent
minded people are funny. Sir Isaac New
ton wanted his servant to carry out stove
that was getting too hot A fellow stole
bis dinner before his eyes, and he after
wards thought be had eaten il because he
saw the dishes empty. A Scotch professor
walked into tho middle Of a horse-pond
while bordering on Final Cause Ben
franklin punched down the ire in lis pipe
with the finger Of q young lady at bis side
and severely burned the lily white poker
A gentleman in Troy received letter in
the dark, used the letter to light his lamp
aud then looked about for il 10 read Pcre
Crafty ono day, in Paris, thinking he had
left bis watch at homo, took it out of bic
pocket TO see if be bad time to 90 back for
Il. Leander, the church historian, used 20
~ 10 uiN ltEANNte III Alo ~ EhN NhI hltA UiE hf
gown and sometimes walked in the gutter
But Ell these cases do not equal that Of
man who forgot TO pay IN advance for
his newspaper.
The Atlanta Sun says
80, give us back our Bu.oca
From hoof to horns complete
He's fattened at our public crib,
And now he is our meat"
b6- Boarding house chicken soup can DO
made, it is said, By hanging up hen in
The sun so that her shadow will fall in a
Dot Of salt water. The only trouble a that
on a cloudy day the soup is liable to be
very weak.
EV-1 don't miss nay church as much as
YOU suppose, said lady to her minister,
who had called upon Der during her ILL.,
ness. for I make Betsy sit at the window
az soon as the bell begins to chime, and tell
me who arc going to church, and whether
they have anything new.
"A celebrated barrister vas ono day
examining witness who foiled all his At
tempts at ridicule by her ready and sbrewd
answers, at last exclaimed There is brass
enough in yoar head, madam TO make
FIVE gallon kettle And soap enough 10
yours, sir, 10 81 il, quickly retortcd the
unintimidstcd witness