The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-06-01
WIT AND HUMON.

-Stotistics prove that'a handsome WIZ
wv has three chances to marry to n maid
,n's one.
"A coQuctte is said to be perfect IN
rurnation of Cupid, because she keeps her
beau in quiqer
The young lady at Allemagoozelum
who was up with the lark is now down
with the rheumatism.
~ witty young lady being asked her
opinion of mustaches, replied, "a always
set my face against thcm!'
A gentleman, addressing a passionate
love letter to lady in the same town, add
ed this postscript: "Please to send me
specdy answer, as have somebody else in
my eye"
-"What is your consolation in life and
death ?" asked q Sunday school 'superin-
tendcnt of a young lady in the Bible GLASS;
who bluslled and said, I'D rather be ex-
cused from speaking his name"
MA" said q little girl to her mother
do men want to get married as much as
tho women?' "Pshaw! what are 20"
talking about?" "Why, ma, the women
who come here are always talking about
getting marricd--the men don't do So"
Some inqusitive fellow who thinks
Horace Greeley knows everythinS-says
the N. O. Times--asked him how to stop
the crevassc. damn it, sir; don't ask
me-, was the characteristic, MOTTO say ap-
propriate, reply
The question, does getting drunk ever
advance ones happiness would seem TO De
nut to rest by the Irishman who went
courtine when drunk, and was asked what
pleasure he found in whisky. "Oh, blaoY'
it's a trate intirely, to see two Di your
purity faces instead Of one.
1t is nice going to some Iowa schools
A lady teacher at Des Moines called BOY
ND and made him show her how he kissed
the big girls in the wood-shed. After he
showed her, she punished him by making
him STAY in after school. He says he doht
want to graduate for two years yet.
$ "A clergyman who lived near Noun
9 Monadnock, was preaching one Sabbath
on faith" Warming with his subject nc
went on to speak of the wonders that iaith
could do. 1t could remove mountains, even
" Monadnock; tough match, though he
added in an undertone. as he cast a nasty
'r glance at its towering summit.
ut "A good lady, who improved every op-
10 portunity to teach by precept anu exam
70 ole, once remarked at prayer meeting
"My friends, as | came along saw cowa
switching of her tail. In this wicked
world of strife she was peaceful ana con-
tented switching Of her tail; and sal"
to myself, go thou and do likewise y
My Rosa from the latticed grove,
Brought me a sweet boquet of posies,
ISL And asked, as round my neck she clllnS'
er If tulips preferred to roses.
is 81 cannot tell, sweet wife, siShs",
N. "But kiss me ere see the postes.
nv She did, "Oh, prefer" | cried
=, THY two lips to dozen roses
" A preacher meeting little boy OF his
'"' acouaintance said This is quite stor'
III nv day, my SON. Yes, SIR said th'
.hc nov. this is quite a wet rain The clcr
III. gyman, thinking to rebuke such hyper
N, bole, asked If he knew of other than we
rain. II never knew personally OF an.
>'' other" said the boy, 'but have read IN
;ta- certain book of time when it rained ilr
nd and birthstone, and guess that was not
lies wet rain
nds A Jealous storm cloud crossed our sky,
,is. Blqlting our best of blisseS;
toa gave my love some angry words
''' But ended them with kisses.
has
.1o since that sad day my empty heart
w Its fondest idol misses;
III She gave me back my angry words,
IND But Oh! she kept my kisses.
"A law student was reading Kent yer.
assiduously. and used book mark to in
dictate each day how far he advanced. hi
rim fellow student secretly changed the plac
,re. of the mark. so that he read the same para
m, graph over for ten successive days with
out discovering anything wrong. He ii
uty nally remarked that Kent seemed goo
for deal alike SO far as he had gone. when tn
the laugh of some of his companions reveale
an the imposition they had played upon hin
Mrs. Shaw appeared before the Recor
een der in New Orleans to prosecute her hus
band for insult and abuse "What hav
~" YOU to complain off," inquired the magis
uh trate. "My husband neglects me, sir,
the was the answer of that spiteful lady
d is thrown out with sort of jerk. "ln
~, deed how is that?" ale leaves me a
home, and, when complain Of 1t, insult
n0' and abuses me-" Can you give me an In
hen stance of it 2" "Yes; he went to the cocl
has fight on Sunday, and didn't let me go witt
, of him, and said if they fought hens he woul(
der send for me-"
in Aunt Hetty's Advice.-Oh, girls, Sc
-, your affections on cats poodes parrots, o.
lap dogs.-but let matrimony alone. III
the hardest way on earth of getting liv
inp--you never know when your work
3vel done up. Think of carrying eight or min
II childreu.through the measles, chicken-pOS
rash, mumps, and scarlet fever-sOme o
them twice over; 1t makes my sides ach
was TO think of it. Oh, you may scrimp, an
inc, save and twist and turn and dig and delv
the and economze and die, and your husban
first will marry again, take your portrait for
.ho fire board, and--but what's the use of talk
ing? / warrant every one of you'll try
'"' the first chance you get.
''. "A good joke is told of little fou
'uri year old fellow who, having disobeyed hi
father, was about to incur the penalty
switching. The father deliberately pre-