The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1871-08-25
CHIPS.

I
Because it is light when it rises.
Chicago doesn't like the milk. it
gets. 1t prefers the udder kind.
If Eve was not Fenian she was
at least the first rib on many. ?.
Leader.
1t is said that Phil Sheridan was
made a Ii. D. on account Of his
knowledge of cannon law.
A distinguished amatuer bill
iardist in Atlanta pocketed his cue
in bystander's ear. He complained
of feeling rather eue-ear.
Josh Billings says that a large
policy of life insurance doesn't make
a mans corpse smile at his widow,
but it helps amazingly to get another
fellow to do it for him.
An old lady from one Of the rural
districts astonished a clerk in one
Of the stores, a few days ago, BY in
curing if he had any 'yallar de-
velopments sich as they did up let
ters in"
A lady who was passenger on
board packet ship, it is said, sprang
out Of her berth and jumped over
board, on hearing the captain, dur
ing storm, order the mate to haul
down the sheets.
A Maine girl being bantered one
day by some Of her female friends
in regard to her lover, who had the
misfortune to have but one leg, re-
piled: "Pooh, I wouldn't have a
man with two legs-they're too
common"
An Indiana paper says: "If the
the party who plays the ACCORDION
in this vicinity at nights will
only change his tune occasionally,
or sit where we can scald him when
the engine has steam on, he will
hear Of something to his advantage"
This neat hit is from the Boise
{ Idaho Statesman: "The weather
has been hot again for the last few
days. The only relief we could get
was to lie down on the Portland
Herald and cover ourselves with the
Portland Bulletin. There is a great
GOODNESS between them"
1t is related that WhenBeecher was
in the country last summer he lost
his hat and found it in about q week
in a barn where he had left it, but
with four eggs in it. This is as it
should be. Beecher had Just writ
ten an eulogy on the hen; why
shouldn't the Hen-re-Wsrd BeecherP
A Connecticut ruralist drank his
first glass Of soda very solemnly the
other day, and then eyeing the clerk
intently, anxiously remarked, at is
all right, I 'spose?" @Why, yes,n
said the clerk, hesitatingly; abut
what do you mean Y'Why, the darn
ed thing won't go off in a fellow, will
itp'
Jenny" said a landlady to her help,
the other morning, "Jenny, was there
any fire in the kitchen last night,
while you were sitting apF' aOnly
Just a spark, ma'am," was the reply.
The landlady looked suspiciously at
Jenny, but the innocent girl went on
scrubbing and humming aKaty Oar
ling.
During a fine starlight evening,
lately, three-year old philosopher,
after a silent and apparently pro-
found scrutiny of the heavens, asked
his mother abruptly, where the stars
came from. Mamma replied: II
don't know, Willie; don't know
where the stairs came from" "Well,
YOU bet I do; the moon laid EN-"
A short time since, while a party
of gentlemen were engaged fishing
on the White Loeb of Castle Kenne-
dy, closely adjoining Lord Stairs
Castle of Lochineh, Scotland, the
draught net brought up a canoe,
about twelve feet in length, hewn
out of solid oak. 1t is supposed
that the canoe has been submerged
for hundreds of years.
81 fear" said country minister
to his flock, "When 1 explained to
you in my last charity sermon that
philanthrophy was the love of our
species, you must have misunder-
stood me to say specie, which may
account for the smallness of the col
lection. You will prove, / hope, by
your present contribution that you
are no longer laboring under the
same mistake"
A very smart boy on his return
from college attempted to prove
that two were equal to three. Point
inc to a roasted chicken on the ia
bic, he said, "Is not that one" and
then pointing to another: as not
that tWoT and do not one and two
make three?' Whereupon his IA
ther said: "Wife, you take one and
III take the other, and our smart
boy can have the third for his din,