The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-07-25
Comic Geography America.

40 % AChB1hJ pi1Sh VI SiOhhuJ obaObOh-
ing North and South from Boston as
far as can be seen through a piece of
smoked glass with the naked eye.
1t was formerly supposed to be A.
800 miles long, but from a late mea-
surement it was found to be 2, 400 miles
short.
The United States, in power and ex-
tent, wallops all creation. 1t is the
most grandiferous, gigantic, galorious
country on the face of the green earth,
any where between sunrise and sunset.
The natives are more enlightened, talk
more bunkum, make better cocktails,
manufacture more greenbaeks, eat
more pumpkin pie, drive faster trotting
horses, chew more tobacco, expectorate
more freely, have more steamboat ex-
plosions, longer rivers, larger prairies,
more quack doctors, less bigger Bunk
er Hill Monuments, smaller self es-
TEEN, larger national debt, richer shod-
dy and petroleum aristocrats, larger
eagles and buffaloes, more Mormons
and more Star Spangled Bal.ners than
the natives of the Sandwich Islands
and New Jersey together.
The copartnership started in 1776
with 13 (Which, kneadless to say, is
bakers dozen) of States. The rest have
been taken in since. The Southern
States considered themselves taken in
considerably, if any dependence can
be placed in the statements of JEFF
Davis, celebrated historian, and a
native of Connecticut by his first wife.
The inhabitants reside principally
in brown stone houses, and depend, to
great extent, for subsistence, upon
eating and drinking. They eat pump
kin pie and tobacco and drink Bourbon
and "Jersey Lightnen." The climate
is temperate, which speaks well for the
extraordinary exertions of John b.
Cough.
The principal State is called Massa-
chusetts. This State derived its name
from the following curious incident !:
Several years ago, oolored African
slave of the negro persuasion, cultivat-
ed the tobacco plant in the vicinity of
Boston. One day, as one of the Puri-
tans was passing the slave, he asked
the contraband if he used tobacco.
"No, sah," replied Sambo. 81 hoes
it, but MaSsa chet0s It,"
John Quincy Adams was so sensibly
struck with the originality of the idea
that he Immediately proposed to the
"sclect men" that they should choose
it for the name of the State.
Boston, its principal village, is uni
versally known as the Club" of the
Universe, around which all creation
revolves. Its chief productions are
Crooked Steets and big Organs. 1t has
long been famous for its Baked Beans
and Brown Bread, (Noty Bean-y.
John Brown was bred in Virginia, but
a singularly beautiful, classical ballad,
supposed to have been written by Bret
Harte, states that at present "hls body
lies mouldering in the groun I'D Bos-
ton is justly celebrated for it literati.
The greatest living bard is residing in
the Hub" He is called the Hub
Bard and is supposed to be lineal de-
cendent of Old Mother Hubbard, an
adopted wife of Cotton Mather, one of
the Pilgrim step-tathers. Boston is
also noted for its Common Schools,
which are as free as-the wild ante
lope. The Schools are not called Com
mon Schools because they are on the
Common, yet they are uncommon fine
Schools. The Commons cool in Win
ter, and the boys and girls who attend
it ponder studiously when they are
learning-to skate.
Salem aOhich is noted for its Witches,
is pleasantly situated in the vicinity
q Massachusetts,. The report, that
the Witch of Endor had requested to
end her days there, lacks confirmation.
The inhabitants subsist principally on
Sandwiches and are generally well
bred. They are also largely engaged
in shipping. They build vessels and
saitem. In ancient times it was gen.
orally supposed that the human race
was divided into two seXes-male and
female. This idea is, however, hardly
correct, for by referring to our atlas, it
was at last discovered that there is a
Middlesex in Massachusetts.
Plymouth was the landing place OF
the Pilgrim Fathers, who came over
in the great Eastern, commanded by
Christopher Columbus, which is graph
ically described in Byron's Pilgrims
Progress, showing how we'll the pill
grims progressed while crawling up
the rock. General George Washing
ton is generally known as the pilgrim
Father of his country" When quite
a small boy he cut dswn a dried ap
pie tree to show his mother that he
couldn't tell lie. On Plymouth rock
the first cradle of Liberty was rocked
by one of the Pilgrim Mothers.
New Bedford was formerly noted fol
its rum and fisheries, but Nan-tuck il
all away.
New Hampshire is principally in
habited by mountains. Fhey belong
to the White family, and consist o
seven or eight peaks, each one aver
aging about 5000 feet high-which il
very good for high. The natives have
a peak-uliar appearance, and liv'
chiefly on shoddy tourists who 60 ther,
for a change of climb. The Notch, ;