The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-04-01
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


subject our respected contemporary IS referred to
Genesis, second chapter, slst and 2@d verses
C0.N0pO!its.
Adam was the subject and Eve mere side
issue" aad VIXEN ADAM SAW her, he was really
"bcside hlmset'
An eastern paper is agitsting a grand gum
chewing tournament, to come off at Boston, on
the lh OF July next and last until the cha,np ion
chewist shall have "chawed up" all other con-
testants We have number OF champions In
Ottawa who ought To "Gt" themselves for this
great contest without delay.
An exchange gives Us a nsw name for ait"
Miss W-de of Cincinnati, has made nineteen
intellectual attempts NJ suicide. She holds
stomach-pump Natinees quite often.
The Gardener J0tI1n0l wants II canvasser.
Why didn't the J6a,hal hire the fellow that put
the canvass on those eanvass.baok ducks we've
read of? If he can't be engaged. how would
the fellow DO who puts c"Evsss on those moving
wagons that came from Injianny?"
The Jasper County Qud.) Republican informs
its patrons that it will hereafter decline pups AS
legal tender for subscriptions.
An exchange gives IS specimen Of youthful
precocity, thusy:
A young lady at Indianapolis was endeavor.
ing to impress upon the minds of her Sunday
school scholars the sin and terrible punishment
OF acknowledgements, and when she said that for
seven years he ate grass like COW, she was
astonished by "a little girl who asked: "Did he
give milk 7"
The Maguoketa Iowa. Sentinel gets off polit.
ical squlb in this way:
The Dubuque Times, false to radical,sm,
makes dishonesty g bar to political distinction,
and protests against Peter Melendys appoint.
ment because he il defaulter. This principle
will empty the radical chairs.
The Citation Register "trumps"wit another:
the radicals say this i. another I" off year in
their politics. These off years are becoming
slarningy frequent with our opponents.
One of the reasons why Grant wants to annex
San Domingo is, that in that lovely region rum
costs only 20 ceats gallon.
A newspaper in Tie southern part OF this state
says:
A Louisville German, quietly slipping his beer
and playing "sixty-six," III . saloon, is informed
by an excited cornpatriot rushing in, that his
horse had run away "Ah. w don't YOU schtop
him up leedle?" Being told that distance pre-.
vented, he turns to his partner: Come, Shake,
hurry up and blsy dish game out. If dat horse
git schmash up my vifs gif me Hail Columbus,
amt it ~
Imof, the composer Of the Russian national
hymn, is dead. Hi. last word was his own
name
A southern paper irreverently remarks. in
answer to the fears that Mrs. DR.. Mary Walker
may DO devoursd by allig ators in the swamps of
Florida, that those old crocodies know what
sort Of meat is teAder.
The "Drum Maj Of the La Sale Press is
nnch exercised about "Beemus" and accuses
''Hs" of beins "SoJcr' That's good deal more
than any one could ,ruthfuly say of the drum
Major"
One of the b0st capital Jokes of the season is
little ono that Peoria ID fixing up on Spring.
field.
The New York SIN has the following:
The BITTER BIr.-Will one Ulysses S. Grant,
of st. Louis, Missouri, Cormorant of Washing.
ton, ID. O., be kind enough to inform us who was
bitten by the New Hampshire election?
An anti.Mormon paper says:
a bgamlst's lawyer, in response to a question
from the judge, as TO how many wives his client
had, said, "Wo have thus far counted up only
thirteen, but there are yet twenty-nine states to
hear trom your homer"
The Louisville CJNrter-Journal thinks the
"islcs of Greece where burning Sappho loved and
sung, must have been Of the non-explosive
KIND.
Here is the proper explanation of what we
call labol felicity:
Charley! What is osculatisn 2"
ejaculation, Jenny, dear,
Is a learned expression, queer,
For "a nice sensation.
put my arm thus around your waist;
Your head sinks to its resting place;
I.S Is approximation.
on need not fear
There's no one here
Your lips quite hear
/ then
"Oi,, dear"
Jenny, that's o:culation"
An exchange say; In this city is sign
that reads:
nolstern
canning
also
split bodains"
a lar west newspaper Informs US that
The "Henthen Chiuee" in California j. doing
aru-hing business IN diStilling whskev out Of
OLD nee, rubber boots and rotten arp,os H.,
saic 60 Keep "a man drunk about three weel.
and i much sought after.
An exchange alleges that:
Some careful man r,s ,ucor,.;,ol A.. 4,