The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1871-12-21

- Eyergreens- merchants who expect to
make money without advertising.
= Mexico is said to be like the earth, in that
it has revolution every twenty-four hours.
"A bad marriage is like an electric ma
chine; it makes you dance but you can't let
60.
"A pound Of energy with an ounce of tai
ent will achieve greater results than pound
Of talent with an ounce of energy.
= We should give as we receiye-cheerfully,
quickly and without hesitation, for there is no
grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers.
Josh Billings says that opera music don't
have any more effect on him than castor oil has
upon craven image.
= "I always sing to please myself" said a
gentleman who was humming tune in COM
paAy. "Then you are not at all difficult to
please" said lady who sat next to him.
A greenhorn was offered at public table
plate of maccaroni soup, but declined it, de:
claring that they couldn't palm any billed
pipe stems on him." -:
- a young convert down In Maine demon
lstrated tlle force of habit by remarking, in a
conference meeting that some of the proceed
ings were not according to Hoyle."
was asked if he knew the nature of an oath,
and where he would 60 if he told lie. He
said he supposed he should 60 where all the
lawyers went
. Josh Billings says that when you COM
mence a courting expedition, it is the best way
to court the girls mother a little in the start,
as she knows all about it, and will know what
you are good for.
- When you see two young persona seated
in the centre of pew in church, you may
make up your mind that they are engaged, or
going to be; but when one is at the head and
the other OF the foot of the pew you cen imme-
dately determine that they are married.
= What is the difference between an auction
and sea-sickness? One is the sale of effects,
the other the effects of sail. An2swhy do your
physicians have greater horror of the sea than
any body else? Because they are more liable
to see sickness.
"A Connecticut deacon nearly captured
five boys who had been devastating his chest
nut trees on Saturday afternoon. Shaking his
fist after their retreating forms, he angrily
shouted: "The sneaking little devils, if had
hold of 'em one minute, I'd" and then
suddenly espying his pastor on the scene, he
impressively added, "1d pray for 'em |"
"A nice young girl at Green Bay, Wiscon-
sin, was being courted by nice young man.
He was generously inclined and made her
presents OF hair oil, which he purchased from
the store of the father of his adored. After
giving her some twenty bottles of the oleagi-
nous fluid lie discovered he was working in a
circle-as fast as he presented them she re-
turned them to the store, thus dutifully making
trade for her father No cards.
= In wounds from bullets it is often difficult
to discover the position of the ball, preimina-
nv to extraction A member of the French In
stitute has devised an electrical PROBE so con-
structcd that when it touches metallic sub
stance it rings miniature BELL The missile
once found the worst half of the extractor's
task is over There is touch of quaintness in
the idea of bullet telegraphing its wherca-
bouts
- Covington, Ca, has n colored debating So
ciety. The question last discussed by this au-
gust assembly was (Which is the more useful,
paper or gun-powder." The President was for
a long time in great doubt as to which side had
produced the strongest argument, when one of
the powdcrsde arose and very gravely said: "Mr.
President: 'Spose dar was q bar out dar at de
door, and you was to 60 dar and shake dc pa
per at him, you'd see what de bar would do.
But les shoot a cannon Mt him and mark de re-
suit 1 calls for de question" The President
forthwith decided in favor of powder.