The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1871-10-05
A Scene in an Editors sanctum.


The Philadelphia Dispatch condescends
to perpetrate the following:
A week or two ago one of our report
ers had occasion to refer to o certain
woman, whom we will call Hannah
Smith, as denizen of the Tenth Ward.
A day or two afterward huge man en-
tered the office with his brow clothed
with thunder. In his hand he carried
fearful club, and at his side trotted
bulldog whom hunger evidently had
made desperate. With that quick appre-
citation of the situation which is credit
able to the superior intelligence of edu-
Gated men, the editor of this paper and
the proprietors darted to the window,
climbed outside, slid down the lightning
rod, and went across the street to watch
the bloody fray through a spy-glass.
With the fearlessness of conscious inno-
cence, we sat still, merely inserting our
legs in two sections of stovepipe, to
guard against Misrepresentation of facts
on the part of the bulldog. The man
with the club approached.
care you the editorf" he asked, spit
ting on his hand and grssping his club.
We told him that the editor was out;
that he had gone to the North pole with
Captain Hall, and that he would not re-
turn before 1876, in time for the centen-
nial celebration.
care you the proprietor Z" asked the
man.
We explained to him that we were
not, that the proprietors were also out;
that they had gone to South America
for the purpose of investigating the
curative properties of cundurango, and
they expected to remain there for sever
al years. sz.-..-,-,
"Well, whoever you are" exclaimed
the warrior, "my name is Smith !"
We told him we were glad because,
if there was one thing better than the
possession of the name of Smith, it was
the privilege of knowing man of that
name. "But, Smith," we said, Why
this battle array? 1t is absurd for
man to put on the panoply of
war, and frisk into editors sanctums
fumbling club and accompanied by
disheartening bulldog, simply because
his name happens to be Smith" 4..e
He said he had called in to burst the
head of the man who had insulted his
sister. 1.lt ''-''
"It is impossible, Smith, that such
thing could have been done by any one
in this Office"
"Is, but it was, though and her name
was published, too. Miss Smith-Miss
Hammer Smith" lr f.. .5...-..... .
"May we be permitted to inquire,
Mr.. Smith, what was the precise charac-
ter of the affront offered to Hannah Z"
"Well, you see," said Smith, (" the
blackguard said she was denizen.
And l want you to understand" ex-
claimed Smith, becoming excited, and
brandishing his club in wild manner
over our head, while the bulldog adj
vanced and commenced to sniff up and
down our stovepipe; Il want you to
understand that she is a decent young
woman, with good character, and none
of your denizens and such truck. The
man who says she is denizen is a
blackguara and thief, and I'll smash
him over the nose if get chance.
They may say what they please about
me, but the man who abuses my sister
has got to suffer" And Smith struck
the table in a violent manner with
his club, while the bulldog put his fore
legs on the back of our chair. ... IT..
We pacified Smith with a dictionary.
We pointed out to that raging warrior
that the Websterian definition of the
word " denizen" gives such person an
unoffendlng character, and deprives the
term of everything like reproach. Smith
said he was satisfied, and he shook
hands and kicked the bulldog down
stairs. The editor and proprietors, see
ing that all was safe, Immediately
climbed the lightning rod, and soon ap-
peared at the window, where they were
introduced to Smith, with the remark
that they had returned from the North
Pole and the cline of the cundurango
somewhat unexpectedly, in order to sur
prise their relations.
And now we suppose Smith will be
mad because we told this story about
him, and he will be coming down to in
terview us again in wars magnificent
stern array with fresh bulldog. But it
will be in vain. We have rented an
Office in the top of the shot-tower, and
have planted torpedoes and spring guns
all the way up stairs. We warn this i'll
oandiaru Smith m hawara