Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-06-13
La12ecH for -HaI771O7'istS.

II, Lataec5 for -He1nsO7.5sts. =
Alaska is well defended there is a shiver de
freeze all around it. &.
g 1t has rained so hard at Milwaukee for four
months that all the children born there are
web footed. ODDS sa5,rea
Mr.. Shea of Illinois, drank half key of
beer on Friday. They tied Grape on his door
knob, Saturday.
The daily paper printed in Wild Cat, Ar
kansas; is very appropriately named the Even
ing "Caterwaul.' - .siin~ 1853 u So.
If a hair of a dog is good for his bite, that
explains why sulphur. which comes from We
suvius, is good for eruptions.
When Rowland Hill gave present of SOW
ereign all round to his children, some one said,
He tipped the little Hills with gold. !" :,
An Illinois widower has been tarred and
feathered for playing croquet to while away the
tedious interval between his wife's death and
burial.
Whenever preacher has preached a sermon
that pleases the whole congregation, he proba-
bly, has preached one that the Lord won't en-
dorse.
A current maxim In Arabian literature says
that Paradise is as much for him who has
rightly used the pen, as for him who has fallen
by the sword" .~
Oat in Iowa, fishing parties of thirty or for
ty couples take along brass band to play on
one side of the stream and drive the fish to the
hooks on the other. 80
Some OF the country papers out West are
publishing the Treaty of Washington as Sc
rial. Just as the rural reader gets to the thrill
hQ hos 10 hroo off md
next week. @s o5t
The snail hasa right smart chance for the
toothache. He has one hundred and ten rows
of teeth, with one hundred and eleven on each
q row, or twelve thousand, two hundred and ten
teeth In all.
A Western editor, who doesn't know much
about farming any way, suggests that for gar
making, cast iron back, with a hinge in
it, would be an improvement on the spinal col
umn now in use.
A disappointed candidate for Office was talk
Ing of men who would sell their votes, when
Mrs. Darlington observed, with sigh, All,
they are as base as Esop of old, who sold his
blrthright for mess of potash" l
What is the difference between the German
war song and the money my uncle lends me
while he takes care of my watch One's the
Rhino on the Watch.
country paper, speaking of the street-or-
gan playing Of soldier without arms, who
worked the crank with his foot, happily says:
Ibis playing was far above the usual average !;
he threw his whole sole into it. efes
An il-natured contemporary says that Penn
sylvania should shake In her shoes, at the news
of the discovery of coal in Rhode Island: for.
no arpo h11l-o
derlie the whole State the produce would be
as much as seven bushels.
A story is told of young couple in Hart
ford who wanted to hear Dickens read They
could hardly afford it, but screwed up their ex-
travagance to the necessary pitch. AS they
had concluded to invest, they bethought them
selves of poorer family near by who were suf-
fering from lack of work. So they gave up
Dickens and paid the price of two tickets to
their Impoverished neighbors. The poor peo-
pie took the money, bought tickets with it, and
attended the readings.
"Woman-pure as the snowflake that falls
upon the cold peaks of the Bactain Alps beau
tiful as the houri that bathes herself in the
crystal fountains of the Moslem paradise
graceful as the peri ahoat on her shell-skiff over
worse than vain, the warning to guard the
heart when intellect flashes from her bright
eye, and the light of the soul is breathed ike
music upon her face"
A writer in the Trinity Journal relates that
in 1850 party of miners in the mountains of
Ell Dorado prospecting in an isolated place
where they were without fresh meats and veg
etabe food, were afflicted with scurvy. Six of
the worst cases were planted in the earth up to
their necks, and left alone over night with a
chew of tobacco apiece. The result of this at
tempt at earth-cure might have been happy,
but for the fact q that in the night coyotes
came along and ate off their six heads.
A certain Hampshire county Mass farmer,
a noisy temperance man, by the way, who is
justly proud Of his fine imported stock, recent
ly fancied that one of his best mixers was
stricken with cattle disease, and sent in great
fright for the village farrier ne er do well
sort Of fellow, whom he had often lectured
for his tipping propensities Dick came. ex-
amined the animal, looked grave and said:
Have you any whisky or brandy handy ?"
"No," said the farmer.
"Pat, run to the druggist as soon as posi-
BILE, and tell him [ want quart of brandy for
medicinal purposes"
When the liquor arrived, Dick took the bot
tle uncorked it, smelt of it, and taking a good
drink, put the bottle in his pocket. saving:
Your cow will be all right presently 7
have pulled thorn out of her foot and
walked off.