The Camden journal. [volume] (Camden, S.C.) 1866-1891, 1871-05-18
Lecture to a Fire Company.

1t having been announced to me, my young
friends, that you are about forming lire
company, have called you together tog give
you such directions as long experience in a
first quality engine company qualities me to
communicate. The moment, you hear an
alarm Of fire, scream like a pair Of panthers.
Run any way, except the right way-for the
furtherest way round is the nearest way to
the fire.. If You. happen to run'on the top
of a wood.pile, so much the better, you can
then get good view of the neighborhood.
Ifa light breaks on your view, "brcak" for
it Immediately; but be sure you don't jump
into bow window. Keep yelling all the
time; and if you can't make the night hid
eous enough to yourself, kick all the dogs
you come across, and set them to yelling,
ftoo; twill help them amazingly. A brace
+ Of cats dragged up stairs by the tail would
be powerful auxil.arj." Wien you reach
the scene of the, fire, do all you can to CON
vert it into a scene of destruction. Tear
down all the fences in the vicinity. Ifit be
a chimney on fire, throw salt down it; or, if
you can't do that, perhaps the best plan
would be to jerk off the pump-handle and
pound ii down. Don't forget to yell all the.
while as it will have prodigious effect in
frightening off the fire. The louder the bet
ter; of course, apd the more ladies inthe'
vicinity, the greater the necessity for "dd-,
ing. it brown" Should the roof begin to
smoke, get to- work in good earnest, and
make any man smoke that interrupts you.i'lf
it is in summer, and there are fruitless treesin
the lot, cut them down, to prevent the fire.
from roasting the apples. Don't forget to-
yell Should the stable be threatened, carry
out the cow-chains. Never mind the horse
hell be alive and kicking; and ifh legs
don't do their duty, let them, pay for the
roasting Ditto MS to the hegs-;let them
save their own bacon, or smoke for it.
When the roof begins to burn, get crow
bar and pry away the stone steps; or, if the
steps be wood, procure an axe and chop
them nip. Next, cut away the wash-boards
in the basement story; and, if that don 'tstop
the flames, let the chair-boardS on the first
floor share similar fate, Should the "de-
vouring element" still pursue the seven tenor
of its way" you had better ascend the Sec
ond story. Pitch out the pitchers, and tunt-
bic out the tunblcrs Yell all the time!
If you find a baby abed, fling it into the
second story window of the house across the
way but let the kitten carefully down in a
work-basket Then draw out the bureau
drawers, and empty their contents out ofthe
back window; telling somebody below to
upset the slop-barrcl and rain-watcr hogs
head at the same time. OF course you
will attend to the mirror. The further it
can be THROWN the more pieces it wilfbo
made. If anybody objects, smash it over
his head. DO not, under any circumstances,
drop the tongs down from the second story;
the fall might break its legs, and render the
poor thing cripple for life Set it straddle
of your shoulders, and carry it down care
fully. Pile the bed clothes carefully on the
floor, and throw tho crockery out Of the win
dow by the time You will have attended
to all these things, the fire will be arrested,
Or the building be burnt down. In either
case your services will be no longer needed;
and, Of course, you require no further direc-
tions. .....:.!-.~. -..