The true northerner., 1871-05-26
An Essay onto the COckroach.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

proper acts OF courtesy.
We are led to believe, upon a cluss
examination ov the outward crusts of
these fashionable insekts, that they are
highly successful inter-marriage be-
tween the brunette pismire and the
"articiluS 6e0o,n or common American
grasshopper
Naturalists, however, differ, which IL
to be lamented, for diversity ov senti-
ment upon matters so important to the
peace Ov mind and moral advancement
Of mankind in the lump creates dis
trust, and tends to sap the subtrata ov
all bug ethicks.
But let the learned and polite pull
hair az much az they please about the
our dizziness and duty az bug scrutin.
izer to show the critter up az we lind
him, without caring who hiz grandfather
or grandmother aktually waz.
There is no mistaking the fackt that
he IL one of a numerous family and that
hiz attachment to the home of his boy
hood speaks louder than thunder for
| his affecktionate and unadulterated
natur.
He don't leave the place he was born
at upon the slightest provocation, like
the giddy and vagrant flea, or the fero-
cious bed bug, and until death Tor some
vile power, the invenshun ov man)
knocks at hiz front door, he and hiz
brothers and sisters may be seen with
the naked eye, ever and anon, calmly
climbing the white sugar bowl, or run
ming foot races between the butter
plates.
How strange it IL that man, made out
ov dirt, the cheapest material in the
market and the most plenty. should be
SO determined to rid the world ov every
living bug but himself.
! don't doubt, if he could hav his
own way for six years, evry personal
cockroach would be knocked off from
the bosam ov the footstool, and not
even pair ov them left to repair dam
ages with.
Such IL man
The cockroach is born on the fllst ov
May and the fust ov November semi
annually, and is reddy for use in fifteen
days from date.
They are born from an egg-four
from each egg, and consequently they
are all ov them twins. There is no such
thing in the annals ov nature as single
cockroach.
The maternal bug don't set upon the
egg as the goose doth, but leaves them
lie around loose, like pint of split
mustard seed, and don't seem to care
darn whether they get ripe or not.
But | never knew "a cockroach egg
fail to put in an appearance. They are
as sure to hatch out and run as Kanada
thistles or bad kold
The cockroach is of two colors, sorrel
and black. They are always on the
move, and kan trot, | should say, on a
good track, and good day, cluss to
three minits.
Naturalits have also declared that the
coc<roach has no double teeth. This is
an important fackt, and ought tew be
introduced into all the primary school
books of Amerika.
this interesting book bugg IL the lovely.
ness ov their natures. They kant bite
nor sting, nor scratch, nor even jaw
back. They are so amable that | have
known them tew get stuck in the but
ter, and lay there all day, and not holler
for help, and aktually die with a broken
heart.
TO realize the meekness ov these un-
complaining little fellows, let the phil
osophic mind just for one moment COM
pare them to the pesky flea, who light
upon man in hiz strength and woman
in her weakness like red hot shot; or to
the warbling musketo, wild from q Mar
jersey cat-tail marsh, with hiz dagger in
hiz mouth, akeing for blood; or, horror
ov horrors to the midnight bed bugg.
who creeps out ov a crack az still and
az lean as a shadow, and bitches on to
the bosom ov beauty like starved
leech
Evry man has right to pick his
playmates, but az for me, | had rather
visit knee deep among cockroaches
than to hear the dying embers of q
muskeeters song in the room jineing,
or to know that there waz just one bed
bugg left in the world and he waz wait.
ing for mi kandle to go out and for me
to pitch into bed.
In conclusion, to show that ! amt
fooling, | would be willing, if had
them, to swap ten fust-class f1eas any
time for small sized cockroach, and if
the fellow complained that had shaved
illlll III tHe lTdlc, WOulQ return the
cockroach and sware that we waz even.
The Boston Herald says: Some
time since lady, residing at the South
End, while performing the ordinary du-
ties of her household, was suddenly
taken with a severe pain on the right
side of her face. Supposing it to be a
species of neuralgia, and that it would
soon pass off, she paid but little atten-
tion to it. The pain, however, contin-
ued TO increase in violence, causing
much suffering, and few days subse.
quently small swelling commenced to
form on the inside of her face, grad
ually enlarging in size. Becoming
somewhat alarmed, she deemed it ne
cessary to send for physician, and DR..
l.. K. Sheldon was accordingly called in.
Upon an examination of the case, being
fearful that the swelling might break
and produce lasting Disagreement of
the lady's countenance, he decided to
remove the tumor by the aid of surgical
i