Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-11-23
Humorous Headings.

An Indiana girl hss just goue to Salt
Lake to be oue-sixth of n wife.
There Is some ice mp north. as old as
the ark-so it is called Artic ice.
A Connecticut town has contributed
two strings OF red peppers to Chicago.
What sort of ascent is descent? A
trip-uP, for it brings you down.
Why is the sun ike good loaf Be-
cause it's light when it rises.
There is nothing that binds heart 10
heart Sc quickly and 20 safely as to trlst
and be trusted.
The colored people in GainsvilIe, Ga,
regulate their time-piec-s by a wooden
watch used jewelers. sign.
An opponent of the public school sys.
| tenn insists that if you teach a boy TO
write be is less likely to make his mark
| in after life.
When Mrs Malaprop does take gls's
of something at night, she likes it pretty
strong. She hates. she says. 10 have her
rum and water much polluted.
4 Western paper, describing the debut
of young orator says: He broke the
ice felicitously with his opening. aud was
almost Immediately drowned with aP-
plause."
"Mr. G.. has spoken i'll of YOU" said
gossip TO his friend, who thoroughly IN
derstood the world. THAT astonishes
me-" was his reply, IL have never rem
dered him any service"
The fellow who called tight boots com
Portable, defended his position by saying
they made a man forget all his other mis-
cries.
Two twin brothers are said to be 50
much alike that they frequently borrow
money of each other without knowing it.
In the course OF an Illinois discussion.
a man is said TO have had ravine built
on the back of bis head with Pop-bottle.
Gentlemen of the jury, have you
agreed? What il your verdict z" 1--WE
find the prisoner not guilty, if he'll leave
the town"
A tailor has jast invented a new fash
toned coat; it has neither seam or open
ing. To get into it you have TO crawl
out of your trowsers.
<au bbCcbAtiC ClEi ibah AdASi9 rAtAAs az
one of bis sermons, that "about the com
monest proof we have that man is made
of clay, is the brick SO often found in bis
hat"
"The dearest spot on earth is home
the song being believed. Mr.. PeGget says
it's true-costs him twice as much a. shy
other spot.
A cynical lady, rather inclined TO
fiirt, says most men are like cold
very easily caught, but very difficult TO
get rid of.
Punch's mental philosophy: What IA
mind No matter. What is matter
Never mind. What is the nature Of the
soul? 1t is immsterial.
man reading a newspaper in bsr-
room, a day or two since. asked another;
whats the meaning of the Bohemian
Diet. abJHt which we hear so much Of
late ~ Free lunches" was the reaoy
reply.
One of the streams running into Lake
Superior from the north is called "lem-
perance River" bscAuss il il the only one
of all the tributaries OF the lake thai bas
no bar at its mouth.
A strong mind il sometimes more essay
impressed than a weak one. ForeK4mpie'
you cannot 80 easily convince fool tha'
you are philosopher, Is you can pni'-
osopber that you are fool.
A victim of Greeley handwriting says
"If Horace had written that Inscription
on the wall in Babylon, Belshszz4r WOMB
have been a good d cal more scared than
be was.
when asked said Emerson, 'an iron
master about the Stag and cindef 10 raif-
road iron, Oh be said, there IL Away c.
good iron 10 be had if there's cipder ~
thu iron. tits because there was elnder IL
the pay
A French artist being asked to draw -
allegoricsl figure of Bsnevoience' car
fully sketcbed bit of looia-ruDO7
THE said be, SIS the true emblem
benevolence il gives more than any
other substance -
Excuse my left hand, remsr Rss Dr.
bins, as he shook hands with rings
Il never take umbrsge at nature
EecIesiastes z, g." Blobbins no iops'ss
speaks to Pliggins.