The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-09-09
@tSrellanp.
fHn INVOLUNTARY SAN PATCH.


1t happened one day that discussion arose
in the natural philosophy class of Winians
College, Berkshire, Massachusetts, on the qussp
tion "why IL il that, Of the various victims car
1ied over Niagara Falls, no trace of the bodies
has ever been found, either in Niagara River Or
Lake Ontsrio?"
0u@cient to dash to atoms any body Whatever |;
another thought that the weight of waser could
not but keep the body effectually down in the
orannies of the abyss below the precipice: and
the idea of the third was, that the numerous
fishes tenanting the deep pool, when favored
with stray corpse now and then, would leave
slender chance for contingent remainders."
The genial professor, after hearing the vari.
Gus theories of his young philosophers, said that
he would not advance one Of his own, but that,
in humble imitation of greater man. he would
tell them little story" which might possibly
throw ray of light upon the subject:
"In my early days." he continued, II was one
OF the teachers in an academy of Berkshire. A
pleasant stream flowed past the village, and, on
Saturday afternoons, it was AN agreeable recrs.
alton to walk along it's banks for miles, until
could see its head waters issue from the side of
steep hill which bounded the prospect. Cross.
ing the stream, by bridge opposite the school
1osse, l wandered one hot July afternoon up
the left bank for nearly two miles, where it
takes sudden turn, bringing the wayfarsr by
Its oircuitous windings within easy reach of my
starting point.
"Feeliug tired, and the stream being very
marrow, l resolved to ford it and save my dis
lance. There is waterfall at this spot, and be-
low 1t broad expanse of water, clear and shall.
low, except Immediately underneath the shoot,
where the depth is twelve or fourteen feet.
Marching up the bank about two rods, divest-
ed myself Of shoes and stockings. which 1 took
in'my hand and prepared to cross. Four steps
would land me on the other side. The run was
scarcely foot Deep and slippery green moss,
somewhat smoothed by the current, lined its
bed invtingly. threw out a long stout leg,
and planted one foot on the silky verdure.
ibid say plantedY received ipstanter
lesson in dynamics on which had not calculat.
ed, and which may save the digaity and the
equilibrium of future Typographical engineers.
"ln the twinkling of an eye the force of the
current had swept me off and was whitfield
down, helpless an infant, to the falls below.
and never during the accident lest presence of
mind. Fear | had none. I was q powerful
swimmer; there we're no rocks, as we'll knew,
and, before reached the verge, so rapid are the
operations OF the mind, my course was clearly
marked out. As soon as l pumped into the
pool, would float to the surface make for the
shore, have hearty laugh at my mishsp, An6
enhven my fellow.teachers with gay recital OF
1t ON my return.
''Over 1 went very comfortably, and, that
reached the pebbly bottom, you may pretty safe.
lyassume.
i"But to nay exceeding surprise, I found that
nohting mp, though l several yards ont of
the torrents teach, Was quite another affair.
Abandoned my stockings aud shoes, to which
had chung in my headlong descent, and struck
out with might and main, but to no purpose
i nat NJ I I,,.r 49, L.,
wind and limb, and felt no superintendent
weight pressing me down. I struck out and
licked vigorously in the approved way, but, no
sooner did progress three or four inches up.
ward, than sort Of magnetic attraction, gentle
but irresistible, drew my toes down to their old
resting.place.
ut was an incomprehensible Ak Iredouoled
my efforts and again aud again, with q similar
result. The Was becoming desperate. Was
really doomed to die in this wretched hole,
about ~ pitiful 6nak for q sophomore as Cha.
renoe's in the mslnsey butt? Uphelias slip,
SheIley's diver in the 'innermost man,' and Sam
Fatch's unlucky jump. all crowded upon my
imagination, now preternaturally alert would
have sighed, but for lack of oxygen, that no
friends were to stand s,rro wing around my dy.
ing bed stepping with decorous woe behind nv
remains, and shedding tears by Wholesale
worst of all, fanced my chum's unsophis.
ccated lament in the rear of my hearse:
"Ah, poor Saml our best swimmer, to be
drowned at last like blind puppy!
"Vislohs moreover, of muskrsts gnawing my
Mesh, and rsvenous pixies dsrt,ng their long
noses into the sockets of my eyes, certainly did
not te1d to raise my spirits
"By this time was nearly paralyzed through
sheer exhaustion, and felt but too SURELY that
endurance had reached its limit One more tor.
tible struggle. and, alas my plight was worse
shsn ever. Noises a. Of q thousand cannon were
Singing in my ears, and fsncied that blood was
beKinning to start from my mouth and aostrils.
Wna you believe me when say that was liz.
orally ID cold swsst2
AT this crisis, when had made up my mind
dor the worst, it occurred to me that, il I could
not rise nigh. be able to walk or creep below
water, and thus manage to reach tho brink.
which was at no great distance. 1t WAS = hen.
ven.seht inspirations, and acted on without an
anst'nts delay. l found to my Joy that there
was no hindrance whatever to this mode of pro.
gresston, AID, crawlisg along the bottom like
erao' In Less than twenty seconds my dripping
mead emerged from the treacherous bath, and I
was once more respiring the warm summer air,
was saved
.Throwing myself on the grass with unutter.
Able thankfulness, rested for a few minutes.
ana then deliberately waded in again to recover
the shoes aud stockings had lett behind, which
was easily accomplished; so you zee, my frieuds,
mat with perseverance,, some things may be
done as we'll Others
NOW, gentlemen, why WAN it that I could no.
rise or swim in that w,terY
1.-THE dsshiug of the torrent bsd r,iusd ~
many foam.bells, aud 10 infiItra,ed den.4r .ls
nent with air that the specific vrsvit, Of the
water was totally changed, and I mivh, ~ so,n
nave attempted to float nm ,l ~, oh.,n,.., 49,