The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1871-03-30
A New View Of Queen EIlzabeth.

A New View Of Queen Elizabeth. J
Some one Of the brood Of low humorists
who now swarm the country like the
locuSts Of Egypt INDUCES the following:
Queen Elizabeth Is dead. It doesn't
make any matter how2We got the informa-
ton. This Is none Of out fght-this
quarrel between the Associated Press, and
its rival. We've received the news, and
that's enough. She died two hundred and
sixty-elght years ago, the twenty fourth Of
last month. She survived until the vital
spark had fed, and then she saw 1t was
OF no use resisting the inscrutable decree
Of fate, and so her unfettered soul took its
flight into the mysterious void, aud set
tied down in that bourne from which no
traveller returns unless he has mission TO
jerk chairs around and rap on tables for
the benefit of mediums and other long.
haired, wild-eyed lunatics.
Queen Elizabeth was virginia yer.
gin on seventy; and yet the fire CLEANED
as brightly as ever in her cream COlored
eye, and the delicate sheen Of her finely
tinted maroon nose contrasted as.torcIbly
as in her youth with the alRbaster Of her
brow; and the plugs in her teeth were just
as valuable as when gold was at 1866.
She had no small vices She did not
smoke, or chew, or belong to the society
for promotion Of cruelty 10 animals.
When she used profanity, she gave itwith
finish, an elegance, o delicate airy grace,
and infused into II luxurious abandon,
and rounded 1t off carefully at the cor
ners, and dressed, 1t up with well selected
poetieal adjectives, so that 1t sounded like
strain from some sweet singer, like
some sweet singer straining himself in
fact. And she had red hAir.
Her chignon was burglar proof And
often, in the dim twilight Of evening,
when the sun had sunk 10 rest, when the
Western sky was filled with tender radi-
ance and lambert light, and the bulbul
wOoed the rose in the back yard, she
would play o few notes upon her harpsi-
chord or write O Latin hymn or an essay
upon the Harrison boiler. She was sup
posed to be the author o: Rock nc to
Sleep, Mother" and Beautiful Snow"
and "Fiye pollock III the Morning" But
nevertheless she was a very estinlable wo.
man, and with all her faults we love her
Still--better, indeed, than II she were still
toOling around. +.EastsH AZ RI
Queen Elizabeth was not proul. She
always insisted upon cleaning her own
teeth, even II abe was o queen; and she
always did 1t once week, every Sunday
morning, with her own tooth brush.
What lesson does 1t teach 10 those who
are naughty and vain, and belong 10 the
bon ton She never forgot that she was
mere perishablc dust, and that the sheep
and. Tie silkwortn wore her fine clothes
long before she got them. She read
every Sunday school book that taught
these facts, and she once trod on Sir Wal
ter Raleigh's cloak to remind him Of them,
because no was so set up with his new
CassimereS, She said upon her death.bed
that Lydia Thompson need not learn this
lesson, because II had no moral tor those
that browsed round In natures simple
garb.
Queen Elizabeth was not sorry to die.
She foresaw that George F, Train was
coming TO England, and she said TO her
physicians that she would prefer the ell.
during peace Of the cold and silent grave
to three weeks Of George and the Alabama
claims controversy aud tho SChleswig-
lIolsteln question all nj the same time.
There was not dry eye in that second
story front window. Everybody was
thinking how impossible it was fulfill her
dying request, and to escape so much
misery.
But abe has now gone; she has lcl US;
we shall see her no more. Perhaps 1t Is
for the best She was a vigorous woman,
and If she had lived she might have come
to America, and We might have given her
offence, and she might have pranced
around here and logged US like the very
nation. For she was woman who fol-
lowed closely in oil tho prevailing fash
ions. And SO we arc glad she Is dead,
and has four, tons Of marble. planted on
her TO holdher down. Ef Fl e.
Rest in peace, old rifl Rest In pieces