The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-08-27
Morning Star and Catholic Messenger.
NEW oRLEANs, sUNpAY. AUGUST a ls7l.
WIT AND WELDON.


WIT AND WRDOH.
- '''
A leader."-A blind mans dog.
The most popular watchword-Tick. r
Double Bass-Two glasses of bitter.
Instruments Of torture-Bad pianos.
A bad debt-The owing of a grudge.
The tipple for lawyers-The woolsack.
"Cash DEMONSTRATING up to rich
widow.
Right tacks to knock on the head-In-
come-tax.
What is the latest thing in dresses
Nght-dresses.
Punch characteriEes the post of helmsman
as stern duty.
A confidence operation-Esting sausages
and buying eggs.
What man carries everything before
him ! The waiter.
Tie ties that connect business men with
the public-Advertise.
They who have true light in themselves
Seldom become satellites.
The world never admits q writer is in
spred till he has expired.
Numerically true.-If q man doesn't take
care of No. he will have o take care of.
Some teetotallers would even prefer q
watery grave to preservation in spirits.
Oregonians who take their bitters ex-
claim, Here's to what makes US wear old
Clothes"
By printers error in 8 contemporary, a
vacation tour was described as q vaccinn-
|tion tour.
A good many tradespeople only give
Fifteen ounces to the pound.> 1t is sueigh
they have.
Why should young ladies set good ex-
[amplesf Because young men are 80 apt
10 follow them.
When you hear man say Life is but
b DREAM" tread on his corn and wake him
hp. Life is real.
The young lady singer who thought she
could make her voice clearer by straining
It made q great mistake.
A Boston paper, writing of q recent adj
10 length, and was listened to with ability"
The height Of politeness is passing round
npon the opposite side of a lady, when
Walking with her, in order not to step upon
her shadow.
i MADAM, I am glad to see you" al
cannot say as much for you, SIR" "Ah,
madam, you might, did you but suffer po-
(iteness to overcome veracity."
An intelligent farmer being asked if his
horses were we'll matched, Yes, they are
matched frst-rate; one of them il willing
10 do all the work, and the other is willing
he should"
gou know that it is wicked 70 catch fish on
fundayf" "Guess hain't sinned much"
paid the boy, without taking bis eyes off
he cork, " hain't had bite"
The following knotty question claims the
$ttentahn, of one or all of our debating
ocieties: "If man has q tiger by the
bail, which would be the best for his per-
Ponal safety-to hold on or let go Z"
Alittle boy, after watching the burning of
}he school house until the novelty of the
bling had ceased, started down street, say
I'D down didn't have my jogfry lesson no.
$owm
Mrs. Homespun, of the Prairie Farmer,
e Christian philosopher. She says the
following lines are constantly on her lips
"For every evil under the SIM
There Is . remedy or there is none:
there there &c nome Sos Try 5e eee mind ahS
Sleepy Problems from the South Coast.
What sort of q person is the "swell of the
Rcean we have heard so muca off Who
pakes the "bed of the ocean," and, also,
pho lies upon its Why do sailors weigh
Pc anchor every time they leave port 7
A short time ago little urchin in West
kinster saw shilling lying on the pave
hent. He had no sooner picked it mp than
was claimed by sturdy carman. "Your
billing hadn't got hole in it Z" said the
Py, stoutly. Yes, it had" said the
Rgue of o carman. "Then, this one amt
replied the boy, walking off, triam-
hantly.
In a country court, one of ourDsmart
hung lawyers was we'll come up with the
kher day. A witness in a case of assault
las asked by the junior counsel, How
were you, sir, from the party when the
Eleged assault took place." "Four feet
Ee inches and half" was the reply. |
Ah," fercely demanded the lawyer, how
kme you to be SO very exact as all this ."
because" said the witness very coolly,
expected that some COMPOUNDED fool
hould, likely as not, ask me, and so went
hd measured it."
Those who are compelled to hurry up
be cakes {" may find the following variety,
fepared for various callings, convenient
select from: The cake for prize-fghters,
sk-I- r.