Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-04-29
Facts and Fancles.

Floating eapltal--rich people In pain
ing.
Best locks for your barn in winter
-BulIocks.
When is an OK not an OK? When it
is turned into meadow.
A yawn in company generally indi>
Gates a gap in the conversation.
Lawyers mouths are like turnpike
gates-neyer open except Tor pay.
Your wife may baste a chicken, but
you will have to sow the crop yourself.
It Is somewhat curious fact that
compositor takes most e'es when
hardest at work.
The Philadelphia "Press" deliber>
ately advises its readers to ''lay in their
coal. - Disgusting.
Why are candidates who fail to get
elected like the world ? Because they
arc depressed at the polls.
The sentiment of cheese is astronomi.
cal, for when forced to give expression it
gives the milky whey.
When yon get in your stocks for the
winter, remember you cannot wear the
hoes you dug the potatoes with.
Don't let your cattle stray they
often wander to the most mysterious
places Wa once saw cowhide in a
shoemaker's shop.
Why is son who objects to his
mothers second marriage like an
exhausted pedestrian Because he
cant 60 step farther.
Its 40 years, my old friend John,
since we were boys together as it p
well, don't speak so loud. there's that
young widow in the next ROOM"
A correspondent of the "Echo," at
Versailles, says he saw German
officers take more than 152 glasses OF
beer at sitting, which is but trlfe
over % head.
A Scotchman's definition Of mctaphy-
sizes: ''Whcn the folks wha listen dinna
ken the meaning o what they hear,
aud when the mon who speaks dinna
ken what he means his ain scl'-that's
mectuissicks.
The remark Of an exchange +" that
many of oar successful lawyers com
mencsd lite as preachers, is gracefully
corrected by one of the legal gentlemen
referred to. who begs leave to state that
he began lie Us an infant
Thackeray tells of an Irish woman
begging of him, when she saw him put
his hand in his pocket, cried out, "may
the blessings of God follow you all the
days Of your life but when he pulled
out his snuff box, immed ately added
''and never overtake you =
A good parody was that involved in
the story Of a young English nobieman
with large number OF titles and a
small amount Of brains--Lord this and
Viscount that, and 80 on nd n.Jfnituna
My fair friend" said the witty ",
"One of his titles you appear to have
forgotten" " Oh = was the universal
exclamation, +" what is that 2" Hes
barren Of intellect" was the rejoinder
A Little Short rt.-A tall handsome
girl named Short, once loved certain
big Mr.. Little Iut Little, little think
ing of Short. loved little girl nemed
Long. Now Long longed to be even
with Little's Shortcomings, threatened
to marry Little bsfore long, which
caused Little in short time to marry
Long. Query. did tall Short love biz
Little less, because big Little loved
little Long
A young lady observes of young
man that his face has a strange fascina.
ton for her, because it looks so we'll at
funeral. This recalls an original rec
commentator of young physician
who WIS supposed to be keeping
company" with young lady. The
matronly friend of the latter having
raised the young man from all points
of view. returned one day from the
death, bed of friend, at which the
physician had been present. She eulo.
gized the living fully as much as the
dead man, and finally, turning to the
girl as if she had reached the ne plus
ultra Of enthusiasm, she said "Jane,
he's the handicst man | ever seen fixin
round corpse"
One stormy, clustering night in Jan.
yerdant couple presented themselves
at the residence Of certain Norfolk
clergyman, requesting to be married.
After the ceremony was performed. the
happy groom, pocket.book in hand,
asked
WALL squire, what's to pay 2"
The astonished and expectant rever-
end modestly replied that he never
named his price for any such service,
but accepted whatever any one was
| pleased TO give him.
The money was returned to the capa-
cious pocket with grin and bow !:
Wall, m obliged to ye, | declare [
will do as much for you some time"