Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1871-01-03
SMALL EXPECTATIONS.

lhat my Oucle Duncle would leave
me something at his demise. la
tact, | thought so myself. Our rea
sons for this belief were these:
LIST. When | was q little girl,
though he took no notice whatever
Of other little girls, he always patted
me on the head when we met, and
said 'Ha, ha here you are, Hetty.'
"a When | was big girl, and
went to school, be always chucked
me under the chin on holiday oeca-
sions, and inquired, well, what are
they teaching you, Hetty?
Sd. When | was o grown up wo-
man, he established the following
form of greeting as a permanent
thing HIM how do you do p
18th. He never took notice of any
one else in 80 many words, but mere
ly nodded to all other mortals.
9th. When | was married, he pre-
sented me with an antediluvian tor
toise shell comb, once the property
OF the late Mrs. Buncle, and of pre-
posterous fashion, said to have been
in vogue at remote date, the back
half foot high and deliberately cary
ed. As he disapproved of weddings
generally, and never before had been
known to give the bride anything
but a scolding, this was really some
thing to build upon-though by the
way, | offended him sorely by refus-
ing to wear the horrible thing on my
wedding day.
Now Of course | did not wish I'm
Gle Buncle to die, nor could have
done so if had been certain that on
his decease | should become mil
lionare; still we know that all flesh
Is mortal, and Uncle Buncle was like
all the rest Of the world in this re-
spect and when he did depart, it
would be comfort to be the means
of presenting Charlie with six thUus-
and pounds,
When we moved to our charming
little cottage at Barley Hill, then
decided when Uncle Buncle visited
US, | would make him so comfortable
the matter would be quite settled.
And, in fact, the spare room was fur
nished with an eye to his peculiar
tastes, and large amount of pepper
was laid in with which to season his
tayorite dishes. However, Uncle de-
cllned our invitations persistently
and having kept our spare room emp
ty for long while, we at last inform
ed the rest of our friends who had
promised to visit US that we were
anxious for their company.
We certainly were Nothing could
have pleased US better than that they
should have arrived in a body in one
day. But alas Barley Hill cottage
had few disadvantages, among
them the fact that there were but
four rooms and bath room-with
which, by the way, we had such an
indescribable amount of trouble on
account OF our faulty plumbing, that
we wished that modern conveniences
were not in our possession.
Consequently, when one day we
had the pleasure Of meeting the
Misses Jones, the Misses Brown and
their Mamma, cousin Clarissa and
Mrs Twitt's Miranda Jane aged nine,
we were rather puzzled; however,
necessity is the mother of invention.
We apologized TO the Misses Brown
and their mamma for putting them
all three together in the spare room.
We resigned ours with out a murmur
to the Misses Jones. We begged
cousin Clarissa to forgive us for Civ
ing her the sofa bedstead in the par
Tor, and made couch with three
chairs and bolster for Miranda Jane
IN p corner cupboard. Then Charlie
improvised bed upon the bath and
after draping the machinery with
curtains, and making a valance for
the side of the bath, | really felt
quite proud Of our handiwork. And
we had fairly begun to enjoy our
selves among our friends, when late
one afternoon, some one raped at
the door and / was greeted with
HIM how do you do r
1t was Uncle Buncle and he had
come to stay.
Delighted | gasped
Charmed to see you, sir, said Char
lie.
Then we exchanged chances, and
mutely asked, where shall we put
him p
Echo answered, 'whero?'
so glad you have come [ said
again.
And Uncle answered, Thanks.
He had seized upon this one fashion
able variation with avidity, because
it seemed to do away with the per-
sonal politeness involved in the
words, thank you
Thanks. Like to go to my room
at once-wash my hands.
His room-he must be taken some
whore not to the bedroom for there
Mrs. Jones and her two daughters
were dressing for dinner not to ours
for the Misses Brown were crimping
their hair. So led him to the bath
room, and left him to the graces.
Remarkable bedstead, that of
yours he said when be returned to
us. Some new patent I presume.
Very rickety generally those new
patents. Old fashioned things much
the best-much. However, curtains
are very well-like old times. Ali
everything changed dreadfully dread
fullyr
To which we the guilty parties an
swered only by bushes.
That night Uncle Buncle slept up
on our couch, and we sat up in the
kitchen. We bore it very we'll for a
while; but finally maddened with
want of sleep, Charlie, supporting
his aching head, inquired of me in a
plaiptive whine, why don't you
kick the brute out, HettyY
Don't dear, pleaded, Il know it
is very uncomfortable but still
though be is rough and unpleasant,
think of six thousand pounds =
| Nonsense, said Charlie; He'll out
|