Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-05-12
WHOLE NO. 3O5.
Clcanings.

| Inc Wooucnttci's exc'amation: "Of nj
the saws l ever saw saw, l never saw
saw saw as that saw saws"
A Michigan paper claims that woman
In that State htciy increased the populal
tion by fve-a straight flush Of girls
There are two places where mutilated
currency is taken-at the post-otfice and
at church collections. You can pass il
easiest at the latter place.
At Chicago it is fashionable 10 say,
"How well Mrs.---is dressed. The
first time she has been out since Ier
divorce, too"
One California grape grower hasa vino.
yard valued at $4,000 1t yields ann,l-
ally from 100000 to s35 900 worth Of
grapes.
Only one Vcrsaillist was wounded in q
recent attack near Paris, whercupon a jo-
ker remarks that he must have been o
-Vcrsaillist.
The London and Southwestern Rail-
way. leading to Dover, last year carried
9,500,000 passengers without single ac-
cident.
What should man carry with him
when calling upon his affianced? Affec-
ton in his heart, perfection in his man
ners, and confection in his pockets
The language offlowcrs We often hear
of the ''pink of propriety." Can we not
with equal proprietv speak Of The ''lic-ack
of TRUTH"
If you wish to know how many friends
you have, get into Office; if you wish to
know how many friends you haven't get
into trouble.
One of the banners carried by the Fris-
co Germans in celebrating the fail of Paris
was inscribed; New dish-frogs smoth-
cred in sauer-kraut'
The co!ored members of the House of
Representatives have all taken seats near
together, on the left of the speaker and
the location is already known as 'Afri.
ca"
A Macon (Ga.) paper calls attention to
a minister of that place who carries an
ugly pistol in the long coat peculiar to
his cloth. 1t dubs him the 'armed mis- /
sionary."
A serious gentleman was set all aback
the other day when he asked farmers
wife how she made sausages, and receiv-
ed for an answer, Take your in'ards, !
scrape EN-, scald and stuff EN-
Eve was the only woman who never |
threatened to goand live with her mamma.
And Adam was the only man who never
tantalized his wife about "the way moth
er used to cook"
A good conscience is better than two
witnesses-it will consume your grief as
the sun dissolyes ice. 1t is spring when
you are thirsty, staff when you are wea-
ry, a screen when the sun burns, pillow
in death.
There is man in Northamton, Mass,
eigLty-fo years old, who has never been
sick in his life, nor paid cent for doc
tors noI lawyers bill nor dime for
preaching, and he is said to be worth at
least 100000
A pupil in the high school at Pittsficid,
Mass, who lost both ofhis arms by a rail.
road accident when very small boy.
manages his books, uses his slate, and
writes legiblc with his mouth He can
also write with his toes
Boston girls, as rule, are the most in
tellectual, New York girls the most sty-
lisb. Brooklyn girls the most flirtatious,
Philadelphia girls the most lady like, Bal
timore girls the prettiest, and Chicago
girls the most eXtrayagant.
Scene in printing office which adver
tised for girls to set type: Enter young
woman-"Do you want to employ any
one to print, sir? Isaw your advertise
ment." Can You set up well, mann"
Young lady bushes; she hasn't had a beau
yet, but expects she could if necessary.
There is a moral taught by the follow
ing conversation VIII ch needs to be learn
cd by many fathers. Said i little four
year-old: Mother. father won't be in
heaven with us, will he?" "Why not, my
child:' Because he can't leave the
Store.'
a marble cutter near Lockport recent
ly received from a German an order for
tombstone, with the following epitaph:
My wife Susan is ded; if shed had life till
next Friday shed'd been ded shust two
weeks. AS tree ia Il so must she stand
All things is impo> sible nit God"
THAT man. said wag, "camc to Nash
ua forty years ago, purchased basket,
and commenced gathering rags. How
much do you suppose he is worth now."
1t was conundrum wecould not answer.
Nothing he continued. after pause,
"and he owes for the basket
A young man says that there may have
been such thing as real true love in old
times, but that now the mott n is entirely
obsolete; and if you ask a young lady
nova days to share your lot she immc-
diately wants to know how large that hot"
| is.
| Even Texan man cannot shoot down
his fellow man With impunity. for did't
Judge down there tell murderer the 9th
er day. You have been tried and convict
ed of killing your wife with an axe. end
you ought 70 haze been ashamed cf yoer-
self"
A stranger, observing an ordinary rcl
ler-rule on the table, took it up. and ON
inQuiring its use, was answered, at is u
rule for counting houses" He turned it
over and over, up and down. repeatedly
and at last in a paroXysm OF ba!fled curl
osity, he inquired. How. in tie name Of
wonder, do you count houses with this!''
A schoolboy having been required tc
write IA composition on some part Of the
human body, eXpounded as follows: "TLs
throat-A throat is convenient to have
especially to roosters and ministers. The
former eats corn and crows with it; ths
latter breaches through hisn, and ties il
up"
A play is enacted in Chicogo theatre
in which man is hung for fun The
other night the gearing got out of order
and they came near hanging for coed.
When they cut him down he snil he
guessed they had better get some enc else
to take his place, as "his mex was not
talented enough to play that part"
A Clergyman having called up class o
girls and boys. began with one of the for
mer in these words: My dear child, tel
me who made your vile bodyr She hat
no idea of the question applying to any
thing beyond her rpersonalappearaace, ant
droppinga quick courtesy, replied "Pleas,
sir, mother made the body, but made tn,
skirt
A dabblcr in literature and sha arts VII,
prided himself on his language, came up
OH youngster sitting upon the bank o