The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1871-06-08
FACT, FUN AND FANCY.


The board of health-a plain diet.
A bad omen-to owe men money.
A bad place to get out at-the elbows.
Epitaph on smoker-my pipe is out.
How to stick your oath-swear by wax
If you would be successful forger
turn blacksmith.
Whatever is, is right-exeept your
left hand and foot.
Applicable to an angel-what on earth
are you doing?
Nothing is so reasonable and cheap
as good manners
Sympathy with nature is part Of the
mems religion.
Out west the grain is now raised at all
seasons-by the elevator.
The man who will sigh for woman is
likely to have one to carry.
To rob man of his money is to wound
him in his chest.
Young ladies sometimes pencil their
brows; but they seldom dot their rs.
An Iowa church has expelled deacon
for attending base ball match
A bank note is better than hard mon.
ey, because if you fold it you find it an
creases.
The New York Star publishes births
under the heading, "The happicst wo-
man in town"
Did you ever know a lady with a wasp
like waist whose disposition also was not
rather waspish?
Devote each day to the object then in
time, and every evening will find some
thing done.
An ugly old bachelor suggests that
births should be published under the head
of New Music
An exchange in complimenting the
Live Stock Journal, says it is edited by q
man whose head is chuck full Of live
stock.
A young lady friend of ours got off the
best connundrum of the season, and it
was: ''What shape is kiss ?'-ellipti-
cal { lip tickle.
Women ought certainly to take an in
terest in agriculture, as there is nothing
more important to them than that all
men should be good husband men.
The latest style at dinner parties in
New York is fan placed at each lady's
plate, on one side Of which is printed the
bill of fare, and on the other looking
glass.
They do things with dispatch in Texas.
A man in certain peighborhood, who
had lost valuable mare, received the
following by telegraph "Mare here.
Come and get her. Thief hung. y
A Snowman adyertises that among his
other curiosities is one celebrated "diE
ference" which has been so often split
by bargain makers. He says he has both
halves oft
When man wants a smile. if instead
of going into saloon for one, he would
go home to his wife apd little ones, he
would get one of much better quality
and kinder influence than is retailed over
any bar.-Lute A. TdyIor.
1t is said that the reason Germans sell
dom die of consumption is that they sing
SO much. That sounds reasonable
Now there is Clara Louise Kellogg. She
sings a great deal, and it is very seldom
she dies Of consumption.
SANDER makes an evil party, and wit
ness, and Judge and executioner of the in
nocent.
Laws are ike sausages-the less you
know how they are made, the better you
like them.
Fortunes hand, says a broken-down
writing master, is remarkable for it's
heavy down strokes.
Dead beats-extinct drummers.
How to get long well-have it dug
deep.
The key to Darwin theory which is
to all is-Monkey.
If twice eleven are twenty-five, how
can twice ten be twenty too?
Why is secret with woman like de-
cayed fruit ? It won't keep.
Why should machinists be allowed to
use tobacco. Because it s small vice.
Some persons are like balloons-the
higher they rise the smaller they appear
Why is lead-pencil like poor human
nature? Because it never does right of
itself.
When a pickpocket pulls at your watch
tell him plainly that you have no time to
spare.
Rich men should recollect, in making
their wills, that it is barbarons to cut off
the natural heir.
Why is the camel the most irascible
animal in the world? Because he always
mas his back up.
There are stylish young ladies whose
agony would be entirely of another kind,
f they were obliged to learn their grace
'ul bend over the washtub.
A Mississippi doctor has invented one
wheeled buggy. 1t runs by donkey pow
er, and the doctor himself oficiates as
.he donkey
4 Judge in Texas told murderer the |
other day, You have been tried and
convicted of killing your wife with an axe /
md you ought to have been ashamed Of |
yourself.
A man has got so deep into debt that
lot one of his creditors has been able to
zee him for months.
Why are scandal-mongers like back
alleys They are the repositories of the