Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1871-10-05
Josh Billings Under Oath.


JOSH BILLINGS being duly sworn, tcstifys
az fOllers:
Eight wont 90 into and hav mulch ov
emmy thing left over. Mcnny yung fel-
| low haz found out this sum in arlthme.
ticks bi trieing tew git number 8 foot
into number 6 boot.
Virtcu, in one rcspekt, is like mummy.
That which We hav tew work the HARDEST
for sticks tew us the best
hav ften herd tina waz men who
knew more than they could tell, but
never met one. l hav often met thOzc
who could tell CRATE deal more than they
did kno, and waz willing tew sware to II
besides.
Hope haz made crate menny blunders
but thare IL one thing about her that al
WIS did like-she means we !.
Sum people are good slnInly bekauze
they are tew lazy to be wick. d, and others
bekause they hant got good chance.
1hare IL one thing that am not only
certain, but proud ov-thare IL more peo
pie in this world who hav ch~ ~nged from
bad to good, than from good to bad.
In mummy, interest phollows the princi
pal; in morals, principle often phollows
the interest.
Yu will notis one thing-the devil sci
dun offers tew 60 into partnership with 9
bizzy man, but you will often see him Offer
tew jine the lazy man, and furnish all the
kapital.
t don't kno, after all, but it IL jist about
az we'll tew git abuv yure bizzness as it il
tew hav yure bizznes, git abuv yu.
"1n time Ov peace prepare for war.
This IL the way sum tamilys liv all the
time.
Whenever WI hear a man who alwut
wants tew bet biz "bottom dollar" yu kar
make up yure mind that that is the size o
hiz pile.
The devil IL the only individual on reck
| virtew.
Thare il nothing that man will git sc
six Ov az too mulch mOllassis.
The vices which a man kontrackts ir
biz youth, however mutch he may shake
them oph, will often call on him thru
life, and seek tew renew hiz acquaintance
Every man haz hiz phollys, but thare il
this difference-in the poor man they look
like crime4, while in the ritch man, they
only appear tew be exsentrlcItys.
Old age increases us in wisdom, and
also in rumatism.
kno lots ov pholks who are plus jis1
bekause they waz born 80. They kant tel
when they got religion, and, ifthey should
looze it, they wouldn't knott.
We never outgro our phollys-we only
alter them.
Thare il this difference between charity
and gift-charity Gums from the heart
a gift from the pocket.
Coquets are generally too silly to be
very wicked.
Thare il full az menny pholks in this
world who hav bin ruined bi kindness az
thare il who hav bin injured bi kruelty.
The man who IL wicked enutf tew be
dreaded IL safer man in community than
the one who il just virtewous enuff not to
be suspekted.
Flattery il the wust kind of lieing.
Hypockrasy IL alwus humble.
Gravity don't prove emmy thing. If a
man il really wize, he don't need it, and il
he amt wize, he shouldn't hav it.
It il jist az natral tew be born poor az
it il tew be born naked, and it il no more
disgrace.
Thare il no excuse whatever for the in.
science ov wealth thare may possibly be
for the insolence ov poverty.
Lazyness il the fust law ov natur; self
preservashun IL the seckond.
Yu kant konvt IT sinners bi preaching
the gospel tew them at half price. Emmy
sinner who il anxious tew git hiz religion
in tfat way, il satisfied with poor arti.
kle,-Ne0 York Weeklu,