Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-02-17
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stormy strand of the deep, dark ocean of
mad despair"
A German being required to give re-
ceipt in full, produced the following after
much mental effort: 'Ish full wants
no more monish John Swackhammer."
A clergyman was censuring young
lady for tight lacing. why" replied
miss. you would not surely recommend
loose haLits to your parishioneers"
A gallant Frenchman, having 10 say
something to young lady with a fiat
nose, said, "MademOiselle, you are an an
gel come down from heaven, and I'm sor
ry you struck on your nose"
4 reporter who attended banquet
concluded his description with the can
did statement that lit is not distinctly re-
membered by anybody present, who made
the last speech"
An Ohio farmer saw a stranger tearing
down his rail fence, and hailed him to
know the reason. The reply was that lie
was suddenly siezed with the shakes, and
was holding on the fence for support.
(Which of our vehicles shall we sell.''
asked cross grained man Of bis wife,
"the sulky or the sociables' "Let US
get rid of the 'sulky,' by al means, and
retain the 'sociable,'" was the response.
There is little boy in Wsstport, Conn.
less than four years old, who has acquired
fondness for pipes and tobacco, cries
for them, uses them with some apparent
enjoyment, and has smoked several en-
tire cigars.
The married women of Brownstown.
Ind, are On the war path and have held
a public meeting in which they resolved
against worthless, lazy, whining hus-
bands, resembling SO many indOlent Egyp-
tian mummies."
Does our talk disturb you:T said one
of a number of laxative ladies to an old
gentleman sitting in railroad station the
other afternoon NO ma'am" was the
naive reply Owe been married nigh
onto forty years"
The Only chapter in the Bible (the last
chapter of Proverbs) written by woman
(the mother of King LemueD, contains
plea for woman's rights Give her the
fruit of her hand, and let her own works
praise her in the gates"
Some one overheard Southerner ours
ing Sumner after listening to that gentle
mans fervid San Domingo speech, and
asked him what was the matter. "The
matter! The old Abolitionist has forced
me to admire him; that's what's the mat
ter"
A flour mill in Paris, Kentucky, advises
its debtors that "the old clock Of time
has struck the new hour of 1871, and ad-
monishes you that your -four account at
Billy Shaw's mill is now due Now don't
forget, Tor Gods sake, don't forget to
heed its solemn warning"
Buckles. bows, and rosettes for orna-
menting ladies' slippers, boots, and shoes,
| form quite a manufacturing business in
Boston. in which many thousands of dol
lars are represented The custom of wear
| ing buckles and rosettes on slippers and
shoes, and "tassels on the boots" has
steadily grown.
One of the most ingenious advertise
ments We have seen is the following:
ICE. ice ice.
/ ffyou want what is pure and NJ
At reasonable pr rcr
Follow new dev ioL'
But send to me in tr
| For l have the largest and best stock
ever put up in this city.
A wife who had been lecturing her
| husband for coming home intoxicated be-
came incensed at his indifference, and
exclaimed: "Oh that could wiring tears
Of anguish from your eyesm To which
the hardened wretch hiccupped, TIA
'ta-'taint no use, ole woman, to bo-bo
| bore for water herc.'
There is a beautiful girl lives neal Mon
treal, who, though she has lost both her
legs, above her knees has received over
dozen offers Of marriage during the past
year, and refused them all One of her
lovers is a member of the Dominion Par
Lament, This afflicted girl speaks seven
languages, and charms everybody who
comes near her.
With tears in her eyes. little girl of
five summers asked "Will dear little
brother Johnny die to night, mothers"
And when she was assured that the doc
tor thought not, she continued, while
sobs choked her uttefances. poor John
ny. l wish he would, cause then could
have his little white handled knife and
fork"
A sleigh at Oswego, Kansas, is describ-
ed by the Register: A solid log Of wood
supported by fovr upright pieces or legs
upon runners completed the machine
BY way of ornamention dcer's head
with long antlers is attached to the fore
most end the log, thus giving it the ap-
pearancc of deer. 1t has u capacity of
holding as many passengers as can sit
astride its body.
A young lady informed us yesterday
that the "horrid men who hold up the
railing around the First National, should
be frowned upon by all ladies. She says
her reason for this is that she slipped on
the pavement there. and the only notice
taken of her was to say that they tho't
that shoe laces made mighty poor CART
ers."-LouisriNe Courier
Josh Billings sums up his mortal ex-
perience thus: Men, if they amt too lazy,
live sumtimes till they are eighty, and de-
destroy the time good deal as follows:
The fust thirty years they spend throwing
stuns at mark; the second thirty they
spend examining the mark tu see where
the stun hit, and the remaind is divided
in cussing the Stun-throwing business
and missing the rumatiz.
There has been an unusual mortality
among wood choppers in Maine this win
ter. Since the beginning of the year five
men have been killed by falling trees.
while sixth has become SO seriously IN
jured that he is not expected to live. All
but one Of these accidents have happened
to farmers who We're engaged on their
lots in getting up their fuel, and not to
persons engaged in logging in the woods.
A newly arrived contraband from South
Carolina, who asked for lodgings at the
New Haven station house the other night,
wore no less than six coats, and in the
pocket of one Il bottle containing a taste
of Jersey lightning was found When
it was produced the mendicant, with an
air of indignation, exclaimed, "Who pat
dat ar bottle in my pocket? De man dat
| did dat ar am no frcn Oh mine."
Mr.. Owen of Westerly. r. l., two wears
since purchased pair of minks of a spe
cies commonly called by our fur dealers
and trappers, the American sable, for
$500. He has not only got his money
back, but has now 81 minks on hand,
one pair Of which he has refused $40O for.
The sable mink is rather smaller in size
| and of Il darker hue than New England