The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-01-06
VARIETIES.

rather die than shave. II s.g5and
An exchange speaks eloqnent'y Of the
great merits Of pew wripging machine.
If it can beat our revenue department it
must be powerful affair. = - saf
Those fond Of equine exercise should
eat quart Of horse -chesnuts before going
TO bed A cheap but effective nightmare
ride can always be secured In this way
The latest Ku-Klux outrage in Allan.
ta-a white dog attached to the unmen-.
tioDables of 6fteenth amendment, in the.
vicinity of hen1foost. 49,.
Not satisfied with western whisky, ..
western genius is exbasstiDg itself in in,
| venting all sorts Of other .igra!B eIeva7
| tors" @ 5at4 a4f gates
What is the difference between q rail-
way train and suspendIng-bsnk! In.
Que case the break causes the stoppagey
in tho other the stoppage causes thss
break. - Tege,s -. - u
A temperance barber is said to hare
established himself in Meredith Village
New Hamshire. He is called 1.temper-r
ance" because he uses no bay rum. ''ss'
The gentleman who fred q. random,
did not hit it; and in disgust, handed
his rife over to the youth who aims at
immortality ts9
A recent orator asked his hearers to-
plant themselves on the rampant Of prin-.
siple. Nobody appeared to seek the alti-
tude for the suggested agricultural pur-
pose. -safl x
Names are nothing" according to a.
rather dull saw, but call any of your lady
friends perfect fright, and see ,be style.
Of nothing you get as return.
Boston charity has taken the poetic
form or "fower mission" to relieve the
sufferings of the poor sick with dahkas,I
pond lilies, and similar horticultural nec-a
essaries. .ts,.fv
| Content il the name Of town in Tex
as When one Of the inhabitants is hang
ed for horse stealing, his ueighborsb
euphamistically disguise the fact in the
remark that be ''got disseminated"
A Archaeological specimen writes
to "school boared" in Ohio that be viii
take school, and he has ''tought terms
school, l. attended Coledge 4 yrs at de-
troit michigan and am &c yrs ayase"
The gentleman who at the age Of l67
preserves the vigor of youth, aad has vo-
ted for every President since Washington,
i has removed to Henry county. Ind, and
assumed the name of Samuel Vogue.
There is Servian prince in the Prus-
sian army whose name is so long that a
company of engineers have been ordered ,
to level down the eonsouants and use it e
a pontOon bridge
The writer's of fcommuaications TO news
papers swear so when their illusions are
rejected, that the old saying should be )
changed to read rejected communications
corrupt good manners" 6 :
Taking stock-A smart child ofour ac-
quaintance says that his ma ought to be
quoted in all the city articles. Being
pressed to explain, he stated that she was
considerably above Pa(r). iel.st'-1
There are three things in, this world
that know no kind of restraint, and are
governed by no laws, but merely by pas
sion.- and brutality-civil wars, family
quarrels, and religious disputes
/ When the editor of woman's rights
paper speaks of ..the most delicious, de-'
lightful, delectable, enhancing, and dis {.
tracing Of all innocent iudulgences," shsI'
means kiss. s,st -f;at
If you want to get thing into imme7.
diate and extensive circulation, give it to
any one of half your acquaintances, with
the instruction that it is '.strietiy confi-
| dental. aoE et1tsY
The Tarboro Californian processes to q
\ 4 IL vho
has survived seven wives, having lost his
last one about sixty years ago, and now
| wants TO marry again. sa ssAs 9sAq
Spain supplies more vino to England !
than France and Portunal combined, the I
figures being: Spain. eight millions 9ofzs
/ gallons; Portugal. three millions, and
France, four millious.
Paris, Notwithstanding the presence of
a bcleaguering army, still maintains its
I. reputation as the "gay capital" There
never we're SO many balls as at this time,
and engagements are frequent. re.
In proof that Dickens was always in
pathy withths United States, it is said {,
4 his manuscripts were always written with
lblue ink, on white paper. and his publish
ed works we're universally read. d a a1s..-
/ A youthful Michigander tried to learn
to smoke, the other day, in. the secluded
recess of the parental barn. As soon as
the foundation stones get cooled off enough.
his father will begin to build another one>
i The present census will show that the
United States has Is cities of more than
| 100 900 Inhabitants. There arc but three
| countries that equal thin, The East hrl
dies with 81 cities; Great Britain With IS.
and China with 10. 2. -
A young gentleman, With an inquiring
turn Of mind, wished to be enlightened
on the following: If brooks are, as po-
cts cali them, the most joyous things IN
nature, what are they always murmurlng
about? a4f taIas -a
Il A veteran observer says that notwith-s
! standing whisky Is favorite drink IN
America, where one man calls for . .Rour-
. bon" six men call fer "thc same. He
|, concludes that 1.-THE same" s much the
most drank. sss.4
Confab between inquiring stranger and
, steamboat pilot: ssThat is Black moun-
t.ips % a.Yes, sir; highest moantaina
!, about Lake George ;sAny story or les
cend connected with that mountain F-s
a sLots Of 'em. Two lovers went up that