Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1871-02-23
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asleep than "fastawake.
When you get something on {
watch, the. watch GENERALLY changes
hands.
When you take a "stiteh in time
do you hem-brace an opportunity
We. think..sew.
When a mans business ia rapid.
~ running down, it is time for him
to think Of winding it up.
Why do monkeys in small me
nagerie cages die so soon Because
they have been used to a better
climb.
A Richmond woman asks for a
divorce, saying that she has not
seen her husband since he murder
ed her father.
Why does the gorilla prefer the
tropics to any other part of the
world2 Because it's the only place
he can call his zone.
A negro, after gazing at the Chi
nese, exclaimed: "If de white
folks is as dark as dat out dere, |
wonder what's de color OBJ de mig
gers2p
In describing o new organ, an
editor says: "The swell died away
in a delicious sufrocation, like one
singing a sweet song under the
bed-clothes."
Folly-to think you can make
pork out of pig iron, or that you
may become a shoemaker by i'm
bibing sherry cobblers.
A Maine sophomore tried to haze
a freshman, but came off second
best The fresh tied him into a
chair and shaved his head, all but a
scalp lock on the crown,
1t is irritating to ones feelings,
after rolling all night in your berth
at sea, to have the steward ask you
in the morning, if you will have a
fresh roll for breakfast.
A Western paper, describing the
debat of a young orator, says that
che broke the ice felicitously with
his opening, and was almost imme-
dietely drowned with applause.
II say, Jack, what's become of
Jim ?" "He's cut and run" "What
did he do that for2" 81 can't ex-
actly say, but | apprehend that he
was apprehensive that he'd be ap-
pretended"
A terrible accident would have
occurred at Leavenworth, the other
day, chad not Providence stayed
the grinning edge Of the hungry
ak" in the felicitous language of
the local paper.
A clairvoyant doctor, OF Hart
ford, proclaims his superiority over
all soothsayers, astrologers, aud
by advertising that he
"foretells the past and present." as
well as the future.
Here's the way q Vermont Dutch
man acknowledged the return of a
lost pocketbook containing 5000
Bob, you is one honest man;
tells you what I'll do-Tll shake
you for de lager"
A Colorado lover thus describes
his enly love: "She's n peeler, she
IL, She killed a baar when she was
only fifteen, and a Digger Indian
when she was eighteen, and now
she'll whip her weight in wild cats"
"CaIl that kind man." aaid an
actor, speaking OF an absent &C
quaintance, "a man who is away
from his family, and never sends
them a fartbingY Call that kind.
ness 2" "Yes, unremitting kind
ness" Jerrold replied.
Alas for the days of LeOnidas
and his Spartans How are the
mighty fallenl We now learn that
'.hc young King OF Greece is adj
jieted to croauet; but his medical
advisers have ordered him to aban-
don 1t on account Of the danger
of cerebral excitement"
A Pittsburgh, (Pa paper, ofre.
cent date, contains this advertise
ment: "Three young ladies of AL
legheny wi b to engage three young
gentlemen to take them to the lee
ture this winter Car fare and tick
cts furnished, and refreshments at
the homes Of the ladies' alterward,"
An ingenious wife in Des Moines, /
cured her husband of snoring, !
thus: She has q gutta. percha tube, 4
with two cup shaped ends, one she /
puts oyer his nose and mouth, and /
the other over his ear. He con. |
sumes his own noise, as q stove |
does its smoke, and wakes up in :
stanter a
The Utica Observer says that the !
fair consisted Of a calf, a !
goose and a pumpkin. We are in. !
formed that It r0ined so hard the
lirst night, that the goose swan of, A.,
the calf broke loose and ate the !
pumpkin, sud q thief prowling ,
around, stole the calf, and that ter !
the fair.
At one Of the strtions on q Ger, b
tain railway, recently, an anxious '
iuoufrar qnpua nm 10 tho door Of the |