Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-10-13
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The Wilder Spriggins' Daughter.
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The first person siugular-Adam.
Riskey concerns-Insurance companies.
A paper that takes-A sheriff's warrant.
A prickly pair-A porcupiue and hedge
hog.
To remove stains from characterized
rich.
Wool gatherings-Fights between ne
groes
A model for bust-Almost any patent
boiler model
A handy tune-'F Fortune It is not
common metre
Cool proceeding: An ice man clipping
with nice girl.
Follow love and it will flee flee love and
it will follow thee.
What is lovely women's favorite line in
the dictionary? The last word.
Water reddens the rose; whiskey the
nose, and tight boots the foes.
We won't believe anything we hear of
lady's kiss unless we have it from her own
mouth
The best way to improve the lot of woman
is to put good house on it and good man
in the house.
Money is a great lever in the affairs of
man SO great leaver, some Of US can
never keep it.
A Chicago thief, named A. King, has
been jailed, and there is an A. King void
in his family circle.
A Frenchman said of Shakespeare, Ven
you find angling you no understau', it is
always somezing fine
Richmond has a society called The
Daughters of the Golden Candlestick. >
They are probably shutters.
Ifyour sister fell into we'll why wouldn't
you rescue her? Because you couldn't be
brother and sist her too
What is the difference between an auction
and sea- sickness One is sale of effects
and the other is the effects of the sale.
Boston wants better pavements' The
impression has long been abroad that her
ways were not as good as they should be.
A man is in no danger as long as he talks
love, but when he writes it, he is impaling
himself on his own pothooks most effectually
Some one feeling that actions are better
than words, has said I'VE read Of the acts
of the Apostles, but never of their resolu-
tons
Josh Billings says: Sum men are born
great, sum men git CRATE after they are
born, and sum men have grea tness hove
upon them.
A young Williamsburgher thought he
would play little with shark The shark
also took hand in the game--the young
mans hand.
Mr.. Brown, owe you grudge; re-
member that I shall not be fri htened,
then for never knew you to pay anything
that you owed
All persons are warned by Mrs. Simmons
Of st. Paul not to pay her husband any
money until their prize fight for the cham
pionship is decided.
To aatter persons adroitly one must
know three things-what they are, what
they think they are, and what they want
other people to think they are.
A Vicksburg man who set spring-gun
in his chicken house found himself widow
er in few hours afterward He says he
will tell bis second wife when he puts
gun there again.
An honest country parson, who, in the
time of great drouth, was desired to pray
for rain, answered: I will willingly do it
to oblige you, but it is to no purpose while
the wind is in this quarter
Definitions from a new school.book -
John, what is bakery?' "A place where
they bake What is brewery p "A
place where they brew What is a gale.
ry? "A place where there's gals
A woman at Oberlin, Ohio, collected
money for the soldiers orphans, and used it
to buy new bonnet. She said orphans,
after they got use to it, could get along
Without bread. but women NUT have bon
nets.
A wise old gentleman, who knew all
about it. on retiring from business gave the
following sage advice to his son and sue
cessor: Common sense, my son, is valua-
Bile in all kinds Of business-except love-
making
An old farmer who was ssked by an i'm
pertinent attorney if there were any pretty
girls in his neighborhood, answered, Yes,
lots of 'em, SO many that they can't all find
respectable husbands, and lately some of
'em's been takin' up with lawyers
A clergyman wishing to know whether
the children Of his parishioners understood
their Bible. he asked lad whom be found
one day reading the Old Testament, who
was the wickedest man.
Moses, to be sure,' said the boy
Moses ? exclaimed the parson, how can
that be?'
Why said the lad, 'he broke all the
commands at once
The anecdote told often by DR.. Chapman.
in regard to himself, when called to visit
little boy who had swallowed silver TWEEN.
ty-fve cent piece, is not bad. Madam
said the renowned joker, in all solemnity,
was the piece good {? Indeed it was, sir,
replied the surprised, but excited lady; 4
got it from the mint Then, my dear
madam said DR.. Chapman, If the money
was good give yourself no further uneasi- ,,