Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1871-10-21
Facts and Etancies.

A precious volume-A bank book
"The bitter end"-the last half inch
of cent cigar.
Young ladies had better be fast
asleep than fast awake.
Why are hens not immortal? Because
they have their necks thrilled in this.
How to get roaring trade - Buy
menagerie.
Flowers that are always falling off
Bachelors buttons.
A Kansas man is in Jail for letting
a neighbours mule follow him.
A literary class Builders they are
always finishing stories.
An Irish editor congratulaies himself
that '' half the Lies told about him amt
true"
What is the difference between an
editor aud his wife One sets articles
to rights, and the other writes articles
| to set.
A boy bawling in the street was ask
ed the cause of his trouble, and replied:
Il want my mamma; that's the matter;
| told the darned thiag she'd lose me"
Wanted--A cover for bare suspicion,
vail from the face of nature, buttons
for breeches of privilege, binding for
volumes OF smoke, cement for broken
engagements.
A man in GAINESVILLE, Ohio, who has
buried three wives, has their photo
graphs in a group, within which his
own picture is the center figure,
ard underneath is this touching in-
scriptioh, The Lord will provide"
A man was arrested yesterday for
blaeking his wite's eyes If men
would marry black eyed women in the
first place, it would save heap Of
trouble. They wouldn't need to be
frescoing their eyes every little while
"Tell me angelic host, ye messenger
of love, shall swindled printers here
below have no redress above 2" The
shining angel band replied: To US
is knowledge given delinquents on
the printers's book can never enter
Heaven.
60 Does the train start this evening at
thirty>five minutes past six, as usual 7
asked an elderly lady of railroad en-
ployee. No It leaves at twenty five
to seven, was the reply " Dear me,
Dear me, how they do change these
trains -
A little girl in London, who sold
water r-cresses, had Bible given her
by city missionary She read it Cor
some months, and sold the minister
that she liked the Old Testament better
than the New as there was 81 deal
more fun an fighting in it.
The postmaster of Sioux City, Iowa,
has been opening registered letters and
seeing what the news was in them. He
didn't return the money for fear 1t
would get lost before it got to its desti
nation. If it wasn't for his well.known
loyalty, people would begin to suspect
his honesty.
Halls Journal of bealth says: off
man will give himself sleep enough,
and eat enough nutritious food, at prop
er intervals, end will spend two or three
hours in the open air every day, he
may study, and work aud write. until
he is as grey as a thousand rats, and
will be still young in mental vigor and
clearness"
A Schenectady man who had heard
that the safest way to commit suicide
was to shut yourself up and burn char
coal, was found in a ten acre lot with
charcoal FIRE burning near him.
Though he had taken the peecaution to
put the bars and stop up crack IN the
fence with newspaper, the charcoal
went back on him and he was saved.
The New York World thus makes
light Of learned subject: "Profes-
sor Porter is appropriately to take the
head of the Yale brood in October. The
former President is now an ex !; the new
one may be regarded as double X.
Notwithstanding the admixture of Por,
ter with Yale, it is understood that the
former will make pint of reform with
out any half-and-half measures"
On the Hannibal and st. Joseph
Railroad in Missouri, the other day
two women were travelling with babies
very much alike. They put them to-
gether, and the babies got mixed so the
mothers couldn't tell them apart. There
| is no knowing what they would have
done had not science come to their aid.
They procured pack of cards and
PLAYED seven up for choice, and were