The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-09-22
sCIss0RINGs.

pottle many u 0teF.
When a lover dotes on his darling, |
a refusal acts as an Anti-dote.
About as dangerous net as 4 fell |
low can fall in with is a bru-net.
A Toast Here's to the Three Ages |
Engage, Marriage and Dot-age. |
Ask the butcher to take the bone
out of the chop-that's the way to
make both ends meet.
Running accounts will run away
with persons credit mole rapidly
than anything else.
Why are modern bellies like bur-
glars? Because they destroy the fin
est locks by powder.
An old lady, writing to her son out
West, warns him to beware of bill
ions saloons and bowel alleys.
Consistency-Asking a blessing
before meat. and abusing the victuals
through the entire meal.
Why should young ladies set good
examples? Because young men are
so apt to follow them.
The way to command respect and
plenty of room in crowd-Carry a
pot of paint in each hand.
There is landlord in this town
who is so mean and exrcting, that he
sees rent, even in cloud.
A baby who kisses his mother and
fights his father, may be said to be
partial to his ma and martial to his
pa.
A writer on school discipline says;
Without liberal use of the rod ii
is impossible to make boys smart.
What is one man loss is another
mans gain, as the fellow said when
he saw man walking before him
drop his pocket book.
/ A Washington correspondent an
nounces that in that city you can get
q dozen cucumbers and the cholera
morbus for ten cents.
'Dieby, will you have some of the
buttah?' Thank you marin; / belong
to the temperance society. and can
not take any thing strong,
Nothing will induce the dry goods
king OF New York, 4. L. Stewart, To
sit for his picture. John Bright made
personal request to him for his pic
ture, which was griinly refused.
"Come here, you mischieyous lit
tie rascal, you. Wont you lick
me, father?" mo" "Win you
swear you won't?" Yes" Then I
won't come, for Parson Atwood say S
that he who swears will lie"
A Nova Scotia correspondent gives
little fragment of an overheard
conversation: What kind of stone
do you suppose they will give me
when / die?'. Birthstone, of
courser'
A country girl coming from the
field was told by her cousin that she
looked as fresh as daisy kissed by
: the dew. mo, indeed, was the re-
4 ply, THAT was not his name"
i The late DR.. West having married
a very tall lady, whose name was Ex-
perience, was asked his opinion O..
matrimony; to which he ereplied, that,
"by long Experience, he had found
it to be a very comfortable thing.
care dose bells ringing for fre?'
inquired Simon of Tiberus.
mo, indeed answered Tibe; "dey
hab got plenty of fire, and de bells
are now ringing for water"
| Lying is like trying to hide in q
fog; if you move about, you are Ill
danger OF humping your head against
the the truth; as soon as the fog
blows up, you are gone anyhow.
care the jury agreed" asked the
Judge of Court attache whom he
met on the stairs with bucket III his
hand. ''Yes, replied Patrick, "they
have agreed to send out for q half
gallon
i It has often been remarked that
children will askquestions which even
the wisest are puzzled to answer:
Mamma" exclaimed Charley,
chow big was I when you was little
giriY'
81 say, Jones, that's a shocking
bad hat of yours. Why do you wear
such hideous thing?" cause, my
J deah fellah, Mrs. Jones declares she
J will not go out of de house with me
till 1 get better one."
At spiritual meeting the other
evening, gentleman requested the
medium to ask what amusements
were most popular in the spiritual
world. The reply was. Reading
our own obituary notices"
4 a wedding that was to have been
in Indianapolis had to be postponed
because the bridegroom, vinously
abusing his last hour of liberty, lost
his license, and had nothing but a
: divorce in his pocket when he arriv.
ed.
4 certain caravan orator at fair,
: after long yarn descriptive of what
is to be seen inside, generally winds
! up by saying:
"Step in, gentlemen, stepin Take
: my word for it, you will be highly
delighted when you come out. !"
A poor emaciated Irishman, having
' called In physician in aforlon hope
t the latter spread a large mustard
a plaster, and put it on the poor fel
3 lows lean chest. Pat, when he look
:. ed down on it with fearful eyes, said