The Planters' banner. [volume] (Franklin, Attakapas Co., Lou.) 1849-1872, 1871-03-08
WIT AND HUMOR.

NOS druggists kept little lot beside, die stuff:
Mr. Grrrk's las, agricultural paper g
irrigation. He declares in a cursnry W
that l," Platte river ought to be- damme
The first day little boy went to schc
the teacher asked him if he could spe
Yes, sir" well. how do you spell boy
"oh' just as Other folks Co."
Small nursery drama-..Now, III |
= papa going 10 fix the furnace "Oh, ye
and I'll he the new nurse, aud you must kis
me behind the cellar door"
. \ tenn erauce editor, in drawing atten
ti"n t" an articl" against ardent spirits !,
one "i his iap"i>, says: For the Effects O
ro- ihtcmrerance, see "nr inside"
Prs whats the difference between the Nor,l
RAJ Pole and the South Pole p' WHY, all tb,
TO- difference in the world" replied u lady un.
oi Willingly; aud that's the answer.
in Josh Billings says, where yu find man
Sc who Is very Sc llcItous about the welfare of
ct everybody, yu kan safely set him down as
pt one who liz hunting for misfortune"
J. "Marrie1-at Flinstone. by the Rev. Mr..
y Win'stonc. Mr.. Nchimiah Sandstone and
"a Miss Wilhelmina MILESTONE. both of Lin.
n Store. Look out fer birthstone next
n "OPr"rtunity makes the thief" Not in
s our case. We found big anchor and
q chain on the side walk the other night and
@ we didn't touch it; there was nobody about,
j either.
] The Courier journal is responsible FOR
the following: The public funds of Alabama
are now safe. The new State Treasurer is
a country editor. and of course is not suffi-
ciently familiar with money TO know that
it is worth stealing.
An absent minded In,lianiun who started
out after bis cow, found tie cow bell in the
road, and rockrting it. followed its tinkling
| twenty miles before he remembered that it
| Was not on the cows neck.
1t is said that short hand reporter of
the Washington Globe can write with both
hands at the same tiue-thc left hand taking
notes, and the right transcribins- is said
to be the only mGn in the world who cun do
this.
A young man in IIarrisonburp who loves
a dentists daughter. has to get a tooth
pulled once week as an excuse for going
to see her. and he wants to know what ex
crs' he will give when his remaining four
teeth are extracted.
dissipated and unmanncrly nobIeman,
PresumInS upon his mobility, once asked
Sir Waiter Scott. who sat opposite TO him
at dinner, what was the difference between
Scott aud sot. just the breadth of the
table," retorted sir Walter.
A French doctor was informed that m.
irnt who had left his and sought other
advice, had Just expired. The learned F.
,ulapiu>s ssolemnly shook his hand at the news
md impressively remarked, That will teach
lin 20 change his DOCTOR"
During the war, Barney Williams dropred
II at the Olympic, with a friend, to listen to
IN act OF two OF Il new play. The friend
loticrd the thlnness of the house, and re-
marked that it was probably owing to the
var. NO" replied Mr.. Williams. II should
udge it was owing to the piece"
In Case concerning the Limits # certain
and, the counsel on one side having re-
'arkcd with explanatory emphasis, ..Wc
e on this side. my l"rd, and the counsel
n the other side having interposed with
lual vehemence. I'VE lie on this side. nv
rd, the Lord Chancellor leaned backward
nd dryly observed. IF you lie on both
des. who am to believe 1''
A Yankee has invented u new and cheap
an tor baardipg. One Of the boar.lors
esnerlzes the rest, aud then eats u hearty
cal. the mesmrrized being satisfied fruln
One OF the hoarders having re-
'vercd. ntsmcrized the lamdladv on nav
". and cndeuvorcd to settle for the whole
= -----H. f.As ono hnt il didn't
ssMother," said little said n little shaver
% ufber day, Il know what would do If
was at sea and the men We're all starving,
I'd they should draw lots to see who should
killed and eaten. and it should be me-
4 jump into the water" .. .....i.-...--
But they would fish you up said his ar.
other. .,-.,.
..No," said he, II wouldn't bite"
4 gentleman who follows the profession
school teacher, gave out one morning as
e reading lesson to his first class. That
,rion Of 1.-THE Merchant of Venice" in
hich the 'pound Of fesh'' scene occurs.
he reading finished, he asked the class '
hat Shylock meant. when he said "My "'
,cds upon my head" ..Well,' said tho
Hest boy. IL don't know, unless he carried
$ papers in his hat" ..sr -.55sa
A wee lad was brought before one Of, the s
la<guw bailies. who. after reading him a M
cturc. added. Where did you learn 80
UGH wickcdness J" "Dn you kon the
g Bailic. "Weel, then. do you ken the
ply. "Weel, then. ye gang there and
,u,r ns ye like. for Pm hanged if ys pump
g." ..--. ...- ...-. -..
Congreve rockets were invented in 1903.
y sir William Congreve. On a certainocca-
on, when visiting Westminster Abbey,
ith s"nr ladies'. his attention was directed
' ono Of the party to the inscription on
le great composer. Purcelrs monument
He has gone to that place where only his
luslc can be excelled."
.sThcre. Sir William" substitute frcrorks
II music. and that epitaph will answer for
Ourself."
"Wiat have you got that's good :" said "a
unsry traveller, as ha seated himself at
inr,-r table in Salt Lake City. '.Oh. we
ave roast beef, corn beef, roast mutton.
oiled, fried ham and broiled curlew."
curiewf Why curlew s IS bird rd something oa,Era:
Yes" "Could it fly ;" Yes" "Then
don't want any curlew. Anything that
al wings, and could fly. and didn't leave
his id country, don't want for my
inner"
At one of our neighbors' houses was a
right little girl 1t CHANGED once that they
ad as n guest a minister, an esteemed
riend. Little Annie watched him very
loseiy. and finally sat down beside him and
egan to draw on her slate. What are
ou doing. Annie :" asked the clergyman.
Use making your picture" said the child.