Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1871-04-06
ny First literary Venture.
BYxApK TWAIN

.ai sxaa BIZ MARK TWAIN.
/ WAS q very smart child at the age Of
thirteen-an unusually smart child,
'tKoug6t At the time. Il ww~theu that
did my first newspaper scibbling and
sensation II the community. It did, in,
deed, and was very proud Of it, too.
81 was . printers "deyil," and q pro
gressive and aspiring one. Ny uncle had
me on his paper (the +" WeeEIy Hdnnt1ol
Journal" two dollars year in advance
500 subscribers, and they paid in cord.
wood, cabbages, and unmarketable tur.
nips), and on lucky summers day he left
town to be gone q week, and asked me If
L thought i could edit one issue of
the, paper juficiously.I All, didn't l
want to try! Hinton was the. editor
Of the rival party. He had lately been
Tilted, and one night Q friend found an
open note. on the poor fellows bed, in
which he stated that he could no longer
endure life and had drowned himself in
Bear Creek. The friend ran down there
and discovered Hinton wading back TO
shore Z He had concluded he wouldn't
The village was full of it for several days,
but Hinton did not suspect it. | thought
this was q fine opportunity. / wrote an
deliberately wretched account Of the whole
matter, and then illustrated twith william
GUS cuts engraved on the, bottoms OF
wooden type with jacknife-one Of them
a picture Of Hinton wading out into the
creek IN his shirt, with q lantern, sounding
the depth of the water with waking
stick. / thought it was desperately funny,
and was densely unconscious that there
was any moral obliquity about such
publication. Being satisfied with
this effort, / looked around for other
worlds to conquer, and it struck me that
it would make good, interesting matter to
charge the editor of q neighboring country
paper with piece of gratuitous rascality
and "see him squirm!'' I did it, putting
the article into the form Of q parody on
the Burial of " Sir John Moore and a
pretty crude parody it was, too. Then l
lampOoned two prominent citizens out
rageously because they had. done
anything to deserve it, but merely because
/ Thought it was my duty to make the
paper lively. Next / gently touched up the
newest stranger-the lion Of the day-the
gorgeous journeyman tailor from Quincy.
He was simpering coxcOmb Of the first
water, and the "loudest" dressed man in
the State. He was an inveterate woman
killer. Every week he wrote lushy
."poetry" for the Journal 4 about his
newest conquest, His rhymes forlmy week
were headed "To MARY IN H." mean
ing to Mary in Hannibal, of course. But
while setting up the piece was suddenly
riyen from head to heel by what l re.
garded as perfect thunder bolt of humOr,
and I compressed it into snappy foot
note at the bottom-thus: "We will let
this thing pass just this once; but we
wish Mr.. j. Gordon Runnels to under
stand distinctly that we have character
to sustain, and from this time forth when
he wants to commune with his friends in
hi he must select some other medium
than the columns of this journal?'
The paper came out, and never knew
any little thing attract SO much attention
as those playful trifies of mine. For once
novelty it had not experienced before The
whole town was stirred. Hinton dropped
in with double barreled shotgun early
in the forenoon. When he found that it
was an infant Gas he called mel that had
done him the damage, he simply pulled
my ears and went away; but he threw up
his situation that night and left town for
good The tailor came with his goose and
8 pair of shears; but he despised me, too,
and departed for the South that night
The two lampooned citizens came with
threats Of libel, and went away incensed
at my insignificance. The country editor
pranced in with war-whoop next day
suffering for blood to drink; but he ended
by forgiving me cordially and inviting me
down to the drug store to wash away all
animosity in friendly bumper of :" Fahne
stocks Vermifuge."' 1t was his little joke
My uncle was very angry when he got
ack-unreasonably so, | thought, consid-
ering what an impetus l had given the pa
per, and considering also that gratitude for
his preservation ought to have been upper
most in his mind, inasmuch as by his de-
lay he had 80 wonderfully escaped disco
ton, tomahawking, libel, and getting his
head shot of. But he softened when be
looked at the accounts and saw that had
actually booked the unparalleled number
Of thirty-three new subscribers, and had
the vegetables. to show for it, cord -wood,
cabbage, beans, and unstable turnips
enough to run the family for two years.
GALAXY for April ~ ~ t,n
- IL. -"