The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1871-08-05
VARIETY.
ST. Pdur5.

Wicked age-Dam-age.
William 3. Astor, it is said, has the finest sill
T dinner set in the country.-Poh how is his
fetite?
if1gasTTTE.-A greenhorn of inquiring mind
-. /" What is the difference between q screw
yer and a screw-propeller?
he that blows the Goals in quarrels he has
thing to do with, has no right to complain if
, sparks fly in his face.-Franklin.
What is that which he who has it not does
/ rfsh for, but he who has 1t would not part
ia il for any money? a bald head.
Children" !" said a considerate matron to her
embed progeny, "you can have anything you
ut, but you mustn't want anything you can't
e.
ybung lady who was boasting of her teeth
1 asked if they were natural or artificial.
4'tbor," was the reply; 81 they are guttl
He prominent pious women of Boston are de-
Sl by Norah Perry as "giyen to lankiness,
ness, and an ironed-doWn-in-the-back ex-
ion
{ say, Jack, how did they get the COW up
~ the other night?' Twisted her tail. -
k-ii, how did they get her DOWN." Un-
471 It. 'Oh
t,rkRTIsNG.-It is said that tradesman in
9aio city appends to his advertisement,
1.risters OF the Gospel supplied with goods at
a If they agree to mention the fact to their
k<s1ntiOns."
= EIr dear Horatio, had very mysterious
an bout you.'' What was it. dear?''
dre> ned / saw you carried up to heaven in
den cixriOt, surrounded by angels clcthed in
j IL and purple. What is that sign of, my
arfr ss 1t is a sign of foul stomach, my
In Sxitzerland, milkmaid who is a good
ger gets more salary than others, because un-
: the infuence of music, cows - give down :"
,ter and more milk. An Orange county farmer
hyine % hire Parepa Rosa and Kellogg to sing
lslnd bis pump.
01soLt1E- young man says there may have
n srct q thing as true love in Olden times,
that now the notion is entirely obsolete !;
ii ycc ask young lady nowadays to share
r iot, she Immediately wants to know how
% kiat'. lot " is.
,Ious-A Western paper tells a story of a
4 VINO, having gone into heavy purchase of
X On falling market, was overheard praying
Pc l5liowing style: Oh, Lord, for my sake
1dTHnce hogs one cent. per hundred, and
fps but four dollars per hundred for any
4. Amen
"a 1rkansas woman named Emily Sarah Lord
tporfed to have had nine husbands in ten
p. Two died with suspicious suddenness, and
, we're divorced. What has become of the
- = not stated. An exchange says she is
tued, for evidently she is an Emma Sarah of
one OF the &" Labor Conventions ~ held in
A;nzton during the strike Mr. Green made
A. fkhOrting his hearers to So work in the in
ct harmony and peace Whereupon an
ed striker sprang to his feet with the
pn, Yes, sab dat's what we want
no peas but We can't get it wild 81 so
- arrived M family were lately gazing at
W IN Rockland, Illinois:
tts kHi-Oh, mammal is that 'en?
etamsENO, my child, that is a howl
Ener-No' my wife and daughter. that ia |
en- OF howl, but it is an beagle, the |
'lsfa of this blessed country!' ~"
cgtpH T lake APAPER.-Because he copldp,t
pnt OIL MS beer money; because he car,
rom ms more liberal neighbor. he
- see IL once week at his barber's
- - knows nothing, and doesn't want 10
~ prefers good loaf on the strea,
--SiuSc Bc CStii EedQ II himself nor -
and Is when read for him. N'l
rlceiy-dressed young gentleman entered .
F ftop in a somewhat retired portion of The
tHg days ago, for the purpose of getting |
he tonsOrial artist spit on the brns5
741sded to lather, when he was STONED h1
Stricken customer, who inquired what
zen' y splitting on his brush.
#nysf said the barber, " amt you gentle |
..Fefhed the stranger.
'.', SAID the barber, '' that is the yav
"a gentlemen: if a rough comes in, we
r<r4'T spit on his face''
nos pas strange ways, even of committing
In Warrensburg. recently, Mrs. Alice
t-pFered ner husband had another wife
< herself dead. The husband. who was
1or bigamy at the time, when he heard
H-muIder OF one of his consorts. was so
- by sorrow and remorse that. having
else within his reach, he swallowed q
poks and eyes, bottle of hair dive.
LET pin, several pieces of glass. six vest
end small pen-knife; those miscelIa-
lcies did not prove fatal, but at last
Day complained Of indigestion.