Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1871-09-15
HunaOr.

Rest in peas Epitaph for lamb
The city bellies at summer resorts are not
ohurch-going bellies.
Laugh at no man for his pug nose-you
can't tell what may turn up.
The expression "A broth of boy origi-
mated with Tickets for soup
A determined young lady says if she can |
get no other she will have rainbow.
A barber is always ready to scrape an
acquaintance, and often cuts them, too.
Never have wooden leg made Of oak,
because the oak is apt to produce corn.
The ladies say that the hustle that is
made about the Grecian bend is newspaper
stuff. .a >.,..
1t is queer woman who asks no ques.
tons, but the woman who does is the
queriss.
Money is said to be the root of all evil
yet many people spend their lives in root
ing for it.
The day to pick your wife is Choose-day.
"Wednesday is the day to be married on,
of course
The kangaroo ia indeed curious cuss
He is generally most-wide-awake when he's
leaping.
Why are free sittings in church very i'm
moral? Because you are by them made
good for nothing.
Advice-The first point of gain in the
boot and shoe trade is to get the people to
put their foot in it.
When is the most dangerous time to visit
in the country? When the trees are shoot
ing and the bull-rushes out.
What is the difference between a cloud
and whipped child? One pours with rain,
and the other roars with pain.
When we become heirs it does not follow
that airs become us-still less that million
airs should be put on million airs.
The chaplain Of the Iowa State prison
was asked by friend how his Pensioners
were? 'All under conviction was the
reply.
The bloom of youth will fade away, the
brightness Of the eye will grow dim with
age, but miserable little corn will never
pass away.
The Philadelphia Pyess has an editorial
article on Truth Why will that paper
persist in writing of thing it knows moth
ing about?
At a recent school examination a Young
urchin being asked why it was SO warm in
the torrid zone, replied promptly, Because
it was SO hot
Charlie, my dear, come and get some
candy L guess won't mind it now
replied the young hopeful I have chew
of tobacco in
A gentleman Of color arrested at Phila.
delphia had four chickens in his carpet-bag.
He said, "De man dat put 'em dar was no
fren' of mine"
"A party wants to know if the danger on
steamboat arises from there being an en-
CINE near, or an engineer. About half and
half, we should say.
Some one, describing bad dinner to
which he had been invited, said that the
meat was cold, the wine was hot, and every
thing but the vinegar
The hay crop must be failure in Laco. |
MIA, N. H., for the local journal SAYS that
s.grasshoppers have got lame trying to hop |
from one blade to another
1t is said Rufus Choate was once applied |
to defend criminal, and declined fatty, |
exclaiming: $50 stepped in blood and no |
money? He's lost mani
The Lowell, Mass, Courier says: The
most humiliating domestic use full grown
man can be put to is to be sent to the ba.
ker's for "a cents worth Of yeast
An eccentric clergyman lately said in one
OF his sermons, that about the commonest
proof we have that man is made of clay, is
the brick 80 often found in his hat
A person was boasting that be was from
a high family. YES said bystander, L
have seen some of the family so high that
their feet could not touch the ground
Little boy, can I 60 through this gate
to the river 2 politely inquired fashiona.
bly, dressed lady. Perhaps so, load of
hay went through this morning. was the
horrid reply.
The colored aristocracy of Atlanta are in.
duced to patronize 'sworecs' by stentorian
crier who bawls: Only twenty-five cents.
gemmen, and four watermillions to divide
among the awgencev l.
AN illiterate farmer, wishing to enter
some animals at an agricultural exhibition,
wrote to the secretary as follows:
Also enter me FOR the best jackass, am
sure Of taking the premium.
DESCRIPTION OF TOURNAMENT A FOOLS Is
congress was recently held az Memphis.
The delegates amused themselves by riding
around circus ring and punching long
poles at iron rings Cincinnati CONNER {
ciol
A cute Yankee, in Kansas, sells liquor
IN gun.barrel instead Of a glass, that he
may avoid the law, and make it appear be.
yond dispute that he is selling liquor by the
barrel. Of course the cute Yankees custo.
mers are liable to 20 off half cooked.
A couple Of 'sportsmen' went over to Jer.
sey last week for a days shooting, and sue.
ceeded in killing two sparrows and a horse
belonging to farmer near Elizabeth. They
couldn't bag the horse, but the constable
managed to bag them without much diff
Guilty. l5..
A proper vehicle -Tipsy customer: "A
pint O whiskey, please, shir.' Publican
'Yell get nae mair whiskey here. McTayish.
Haven't told you in plain English i? Dye
want it IN Latin or Greek p Tpsey GUS