The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1871-06-19

Deu suucatlOn was pertoCg. ne 1nvhrla-
bly, fattered the ladies' by reporting their
had allowed them, while the men we're |
made SO old that the sting was removed in the |
absurdity. His games of poker aud old |
sledge brought down the house, they were |
so dexterous and perfect.
After the audience had retired, 1 vet lin
gered upon the threshold. was 10th to
leave specimen of hog so entertaining as
this Ben. To learn something more, l ap-
preached the odd specimen of humanity, and
earnestly invited him to little refreshment
at Harveys. Consenting, we were soon
seated, and led him over his lager and oys-
ters to the subject we were both so interested
in. 1 have had in my time all sorts of table
talk, from horses to wines; but for the first
time had full dish of hog talk
'Now, my dear sir, I said, leaning over
confidentially, with my face braced between
table, ''how under heaven do you manage to
instructa hog9"
Easy enough, Cap, when you once get the
hang of it.
''And how?"
'"The hang of it lies in the feed. The road
to hogs intellect lies through his stomach.
A low diet with high culture is my motto"
"And how did you make this wonderful
discovery"
EASY enough. had cousin in the show
business, and he used to tell me how they
edcated the animals. The first thing, Cousin
Jake said, was to get your animal that had a
turn for things naturally smart, you know.
Well, turned that over in my mind, for
was bound to make q raise. The old farm
had run under until it looked like a widows
well. While was thinking about it, I OBJ
served that hog. He was the cunningest hog
ever set on hoofs He belonged to an old
nd tn anlt
farm. Eff there was hole, he'd find it; and
ef there was no hole, he'd make it; and of he
couldn't climb an ordinary fence or histe
gate, no hog could. His only enemy was
Uncle Sammy's dog 'Camomile.' And here's
where the surprising part comes in. Every
Saturday Uncle Sammy went off to town
and got drunk, and he was pretty sure not
to turn up before Monday night; and that
dog Camemile went along to take care of the
old man. When the old man got into fight
on the ordinance of SHE was internal
ugly on them ordinances when half tight
Camomile, who didn't care cuss for the or
dinances, but did for Uncle Sammy, went for
the seat of the enemy's breeches. But that's
neither here nor there. l observed that the
hog was very attentive to our farm on them
days, and took to watching him. I'll be
hanged eff that hog hadn't the run of the
week good as human, and that dog Camo-
mile wouldn't be fairly out of sight afore Ben
d turn up, and come in spite of Providence.
One day caught him awaiting under the
bush in the cross roads, on rise where he
could see both ways, a-watching; and when
Camomile and old Sammy were fairly out of
sight he gave grunt and set out on a trot
for our farm. And he talked to himself ali
| the way.
81 went for that hog. That intellectual
beast took me. I bought him of his pro-
| prietor, the colored citizen, for a jug of old
| rye, and then set about his edication.
fastened him up in box and gave him not
ration for twenty-four hours. You ought to
have heard that hog demonstrate at the end
of that probation. began with the alphabet
and figures. 1t was mighty slow at first. 1
| really thought that swine would have died at
college. But as soon as he got the hang of
it, and knew what was a-driving at, he did
pick up amazingly, tell you. 1 used to give
him stick corn and the rithermatick six hours
day."
"And you have done we'll with him p
Haven't [? That hog Ben has lifted a
mortgage, built new barn, repaired the old
house, and put our farm under fence, so as to
be hog-proof, tell you.
''You'll make your fortune out of him."
''No, Cap. The intellectual process is too
much for hog natur. He is in decline.
The brain-works too much for Ben. You
see it amt their natur. In another year he'll
have passed away among the enlightened
beasts of the past.
''why don't you turn him out to recruit9"
"Can't do it; tried, but can't. All the
natural old hog sense has been edicated out
of that beast. He has such hankering for
intellectual pursuits that he can't thrive. No!
that hogs goner-more's the pity"
And tear rolled down the nose of the
professor. Whether this came from lager or
| love- or loss of profit, / could not de-
termine.
The July number of GOdeys Ladys
Book has steel-plate frontispiece, double
page fashion plate, and other illustrations,
with an attractive variety of reading matter
which will be appreciated by the fair sex.
Tile Lddg's Friend for June is finely il.
lustrated, and contains numerous examples
of the latest fashions in feminine attire. Its
literary contents are up to the usual mark Of
excellence.
From the Central News Company we
have received the latest number of London
Society, The OOrn1iH Magazine, All the Yea'
Round, Punch, and Fun.
From W. S. Turner we have received the
July number of HagperS Magazine, and the
following also:-
Arthur's Lady's Home Magazine contains
a number of entertaining stories, sketches,
and poems by popular writer's, full descrip
tions of the latest fashions, information
about household matters, etc. 1t is illus
trated in attractive style.
The Ohildren's Hour is filed with pictures
and amusing short pieces in prose and verse
|