The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-01-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

/
The proverb that stolen kisses are
sweet, is enforced by the fact that they
generally come from lasses.
"A little girl was heard to wish the
other day that she was boy, so she
could swear when she dropped her
books in the mud.
Louisville, KY, has q child only
five months old that can talk and
walk. Well bot a cool thousand that
baby is a gal.
AN abandoned editor cautions bis
tall readers against kissing short wo-
men, as the habit has rendered him
round shouldcred.
A Southern paper tells about
"Turkey showing her teeth" Oh,
pshaw, turkeys don't have teeth. Even
Greeley knows better than that.
"A gentleman was one day asked
by a friend how he kept from quarrels.
Ho answered. "By letting the angry
person do all the quarrelling himself"
-Tom-'I say, Jack, what beau
tful complexion Miss Smith has. Do
you know hcr2" Jack-"No; but /
know girl who buys her complexion
at the store"
"A drunkard, leaning against q
church railing, in answer 10 question
from the sexton, said: "He did not ex.
actly belong to tho church, but he vas
leaning that way"
1t was an idea Of minister down
in Georgia, at the conclusion of mar
riagc ceremony, to use in his prayer
for the bridal couple the sentence,
"Sufer little children TO come unto
me-"
Mr.. Carver, doing tho honors Of
the table, said to one of his guests, a
fashionably dressed girl Of the period,
81 see that you have plenty of breast.
Miss, but won't you have little moro
dressing"
Creditor "How often must / climb
three pair of stairs before / get the
amount of this little account ?" Debtor:
"Do you think ! am going TO rent a
place on the first Qoor 10 accommodate
my creditors ?"
-"Arc you not alarmed at the ap.
proach of the King of Terrors ?" said
the minister to a sick man. "Oh, mol
| have been living six and thirty years
with the queen Of tcrrors--the King
cannot be much worsen'
johnny was telling his ma how he
was going to dress up and show of
when he got to be q man. His ma
asked. "Johnny, what do you expect
to do for living when you get to be
many" Well. l reckon I'll get mar.
ried and board with my wife's pa"
Pretty good for boy five years old.
The Graud Jury ignored bill
against negro charged with stealing.
Before the Judge discharged him from
custody, he called up the accused and
said to him: "You can 20 now, John;
let me warn you never to appear here
again" John replied, with q broad
grin: ~ wouldn't be here dis time
only the constable fotchcd me-"
"A lady in Chattanooga is not ex.
actly posted on the word ''disfranchis.
cd" She was told that Mr.. Smith was
disfranchiscd, and she waited to know
how long he had "been So" On be.
ing informed that he had been 80
about four years, she said she didn't
sec how that could be, for Mrs. Smith
had child only two years old.
"A man stopped at a hotel at
Pixies Peak, and on settling his bill
the landlord charged him seven dol
lars day for five days, "Isn't there
a mistake ?" said the guest, "No,"
said the landlord. "Therc is," retort.
cd the stranger, " you thought
you got tall the money I had, but you
are mistaken; l have a whole purse
full in another pocket"
On the rail.-As the Military Wor.
cestcr train was about leaving tho de-
pot, man of the Johnsonian type Of
entered ono of tho cars, and
gently requested that two young ladies'
occupying separate seats should sit to-
sethcr, that he and his friend might en-.
10y a tete-a-tete on the other seat.
But" said one Of the damsels, blush
ng, "this seat is engaged" Engaged,
8 it2" brusquely responded the man.
who engaged itY" "A young manr'
said the conscious maiden. "a young
nan, eh; where is the baggage3" per-
'isted Ursa Major. "Pm his baggage,
Did Hateful" replied the demure dam.
'el, pursuing her rosy lips into the pref
lest pout. "Old Hateful subsided;
! young man came in and extended an
'rm protectingly, almost caressingly,
'round his baggage" and Mr.. Con.
luctol Capron started the train.