Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-04-20
Humorous Readings.
Rich music-a million air.
Spring goods-skeleton skirts
ACQUIRED tastes-Olives and babies.

| Itlcn muslc-a mllliOQ air.
Spring goods-skeleton skirts.
| Acquired tastes-Olives and babies.
A reign,clim5-ascending the Alps.
The organ of drunkenness barrel
organ.
| Why are hogs like trees because
they root for living.
An old bachelors idea-When taken to
be well shaken-the baby.
What is that which is full of holes and
yet holds water? A sponge.
A bad omen-to owe men money.
A Tender Delusion-Marryipg for
love.
In Colorado there are many men of
many mines.
A "Free Agent"-Onexwho goes off
with his employers money.
May man justly consider his wife
poetical when she is a Cerse to him.
Nobody's child-Joshua, who was the
son of Nun.
Paris is poor, but she would be better
off if she had nary Red
The is paper in Indiana called The
Gtm!et. It's enemies call it a bore.
Although one swallow will not make
summer, still a pin maliciously inserted
in chair will make one spring.
A ridiculous story is going the rounds
of the country that Mr.. Bergh had a
young woman arrested for beating an egg.
| Realities of life-Real estate, real
money, and a real good dinner; none of
which can be realized without real hard
work. . ...... -s.
The chap who took the thread of life
to sew the rent of house has gone west
and invented a patent point for, cross-ey ed
needles. @ - @
A paper called Tile 755acco PSant has
recently been started in Liverpool. 1t
must be good paper to get puff" in.
"Interviewing" is nothing new; it ex-
isted in Cesar's time. for did not the
great Julius ask, "Who is it in the press
that calls ?" 81
A young lady went into music store
aud asked the clerk if he had Loving
Eyes" He replied, Pm told SO by the
girls"
Frugal landlady of boarding house.
looming home to dinner, Mr.. Brown 2"
Hearty boarder, "Well, perhaps; if I
don't feel hungry"
Turkey, we are told, has adopted the
cbassepot. We think Turkey is better
adapted to dinner-pot.
Among the fash publications of the day
is the Thunder and Lightning Poke"
lust issued.
We have just found out the reason of
all the troubles in Paris. 1t seems that
the people have been SO Impoverished by
the war that they are not able 10 make
change for sovereign.
A prisoner was recently committed at
Auburn who stated that he was an sob
servationist." That this trade consisted
in observing during the day what be
could steal at night"
A Stratford man has buried bis fourth
wife, and is looking about for the fifth.
That he should marry again seems TO be
a four-gone conclusion.
-Bacchus has drowned more men than
Neptune. The meaning of this proyerb
appears to be this-thst il is much safer
to go over the seas than to get half seas
over.
Nurse, lin anticipation of Master
Georges punisbment,) You'll catch it.
l wouldn't be in your sheesl' George,
Then the sooner I take them off the bet
teri"
An unmarried friend declared TO us
the other day, with an expression of coun-
tenance most lugubrious =" / never cared
farthing about getting married until /
attended an old bachelors funeral"
Applicant, "Quite right, mum all
seems satisfactory; and if you will give
me the address of your last servant. will
make the necessary inquiries, as I'm par
ticular about the families lives in :"
"A wealthy bachelor married, off
hand, beautiful young lady whom be
caught inspecting cook-stoves at the fair.
Since then you can't get within forty rods
of the steve department for the crowd of
pretty girls. H
The Albany Law Journal has this quip:
Why is grant of real estate more valid
if made on Sunday? Because the better
the day, the better the deed.
As an instance OF the uncertainty OF
elections, it may be stated that at least
half of the recent candidates in New
Hampshire were defeated.
The first record of paper money is
found in the Scriptural account of the
doves bringing the green back TO Noah in
the Ark. This green back, therefore, is
called the arehetypal paper money.
A young lady in New Orleans, while
playing croquet one scorching afternoon.
was son-struck. 1t was a rich mans son.
The marriage is believed TO be happy
one.
A North Carolina paper, referring to
an execution in its vicinity. says: "Much
credit is due to our sheriff and TO Mr..
Mardsn, the execntioner. for the neat and
dexterous manner in which their un-
pleasant duties were performed
FUNERAL OF SoLDIER.-The funeral
service over the remains of J. Wesley