Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-03-16
TERMS $3.50 PER ANNUM
Humorous Readings.

Strange faces-Masks.
A military air-A platoon.
Spring sports-House hunting.
"Miner matters"-Coal strikes.
'Spring Opening"-March 1st
The best location for a base vocalist
Sing Sing.
How to raise beets-Take hold of tie
tops, and pull.
The papers are full of puns on Lent,
but the most of them are borrowed
An exchange says "Look Haven enjoys
female shop-Iifters." Then L. H is very
easily pleased.
At one of Brigham Young's family par
ties he had to ask friend TO introduce
him to his children.
| An Ohio woman eloped with her step
son-whieh was only step-son from tbs
sublime to the ridiculous.
We are psined to learn that since Brig
ham Youngs marriage he has lost nearly
two dozen of his mother-in-law.
A Boston bank president pursues his
daily labors with the bottom OF his vest
turned up several inches, TO keep it from
wearing out. .-e
A Muscatine brewers pet goat licked
off 500 worth of revenue stamps from
lager beer barrels, and then the brewer
clicked" the goat.
| A Massachusetts, man who recently
advertised for a wife, received twenry-t~o
"single" we should say.
Bret Harte is "doing' Boston. The
author of "Cicely' must keep his weather
eye open, or some of Boston's literary
"sharps" will "do" him.
"Chicago is to have grand swine fair
next September" just like Chicago! In
the matter of fairs, she is determined to
go the whole hog.
The Chester County calf born with "no
tail at sll' will find its cup of misery
overlooking about fly time. 1t will then
mourn the absence of "Shoo.fy."
"Brassey, the great English railway
contractor, left thirty-two millions behind
him" OF what? Didn't he leave all the
riches in the world behind him.
An Indiana girl, finding a man in her
room at hotel, picked him up and threw
him out of the window. He says he was
never "tsken down" so suddenly in bis
life.
Here is something wrong. The Joint
High Commission has crossed the high
seas, to consider the high price of the Ala
bama Claims, and not a solitary paper has
asked, "How high is that Z.
Charles Reade's new story, "a Terrible
Temptation" is commenced in this weeks
EUe1y Saturday. Its heroine, Arsbella
Bruce, has GLORIOUS masses of red hair"
red, not blonde
A fond father in Vermont effers his
farm to any man who will marry his
daughter. At last accounts a number Of
young men were willing to take the farm
but didn't care about the ineumbrance.
The Louisville Courier says Judge
Blacks reioinder to Senator Wilson is
"the best piece of political literature
which has yet appeared on this side of the
Atlantic" But not on the inside of the
atlantic.
"Sister Kate Hannison," at Leavenwortb,
adyertises for a preacher-an unmarried
man preferred. Sister Kate's head is
level-it wouldn't lock altogether right
for her to advertise for married man.
Robert Laird Collier lectures on the
"Follies of the Woman Movement" and
when a morning paper printed ii the
"Pollies of Woman Movement" he got
soured, and said the movement had more
Follies than Pollies.
h..naan%a
ten q poem two yards in length. We
have seen verse, hut nothing worse. Here
is the best line in it: women who wear
corsets-the poor hesriless little things"
1t is the best because it Is the last.
Here is a statement we can doubt, and
not half try: "The President ~ the At
lsnta Printers Union 'set up 6S 400 ems
in one day, which, at Savannah prices,
would net him $3430." If it had said
upset" instead of "set up" We might
have telieved 1T.
Sixty-two yesrs ago, Mr.. Jones, who
was then ten years old, swallowed some
lye, and from that time TO this be hag
lived on milk and soup. We print this
item for the benefit of our young resd5rs
that they may see it Is almost as bad 10
rHdlioS - es nr IL IT ~ tSAA q A-S-
Algernon Charles Swinburne calls Mr.
Walt Whitman "a strong.wipged soul
with prophetic lips, hot with the blood
beats of song" Walt has written some
pretty loose poetry, but we don't think be
desires to be csiled one of them things-
though we don't know what they sre.
Some of the friends of the editor Oh
the Buffalo Courier made him a present
of get of silver the other day, and Of
course among the pieces was a monster
pinch bowl, whereuPOn local poet gets
off this:
Your present is BEAUTIFUL,
L. has merits more thausne;
Its bully thing loot At,
And II ho'ds heap Of rum.
Oftbe frieDdshtp nf the giveIs
You can never have q donb',
And when you're IN tizh pace
You can shove il UP the spout.
An Indiana man planted tree in front
of his house, and named il after bis wife.
Soon the tree died, and TIE waman lived
but day or two after. Nov you would
be surprised to see the number of men
there are planting trees in front Of their
domiciles, and naming them after their
respective, if not respected wives-apd
the sickliest looking trees that csn Re
found too-trees, that with the most ten
der care cannot possibIy live more than