The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-10-31
II U M 0 RoUs ITEMS

DsS" a Western editor reports money
close, but not close enough to be
reached"
Dlas~ 1t looks funny to sec young lady
with both hads in soft dough and mos
quito on the end of her nose
neg- Richmond has society called
The Daughters Of the Golden Candle
stick They are probably snufers.
sa5- {" 1 presume yon won't charge any
thing for just remembering me ?" said a
one-legged sailor to a wooden-leg manu-
facturer.
Begf' One Of our exchanges praises an
egg, which it says Z" was laid on our table
by the Rev. Mr.. Smith" Mr.. Smith
seems to be lqyman as well as a minis
ter
BGS" Atlanta young ladies lay wagers
with their sweethearts thus: If her
candidate for Mayor wins, she is to kiss
sweetheart, but if sweetheart's candidate
wins he is to kiss her.
BS5" A married gentleman present at
spirit rapping circle, being informed that
the power depended wholly on the will,
begged that his wife might try it as he
had never seen anything resist her will.
Bey" " Mister, give me back my mon
ey. Them fre-crackers came all to pie
ces the first time | used um.' Didn't
they go off, my lad ?" Ycs'm." "Well,
let's see you do the same-bte him,
Jowler" Exit, boy in haste.
SeS~ In one county in Kansas alone
there are one hundred and twenty-one
acres of castor beans under cultivation,
and Greeley thinks it needs no mathe-
matics to show that the crop will supply
castors to every bedstead in the United
States.
nsD> See here" said landlord to
tipsy customer who wanted pint of whis-
ky, you can't have any more whisky
here, I've told you SO twice, in plain
English. Will you have it now in Latin
or Greek p "No, thauk'e, sir; want
it in bottle"
pa Double scntiment-John Q. Smith
sends the following pithy toast for the
next celebration of the Fourth of July,
but it is too good to be laid over: The
two declarations-th Declaration of In
dependence, whereby we gained our lib
erty, and the Declaration of Love, where
By we lose it"
Dsy- The author Of g My Summer in
Garden remarks that d Nothing shows
one who his friends are, like prosperity
and ripe fruit. 1 had a good friend in
the country, whom | almost never visi-
ted except in cherry time" By their
fruits you shall know them"
B65- A minister asked little boy who
had been converted, Does the devil tell
you that you are Christian % " Yes,
sometimes" "Well, what do you say to
him 2" Il tell him." replied the boy,
with something of Luther's spirit, "that
whether am Christian or not it is
none of his business" m %,
D6- don't miss my church as much
as you suppose" said a lady to her min
lister, who had called upon her during
her illness,E' for l make Betsy sit at the
window as soon as the bell begins to
chime, and tell me who are going to
church, and whether they have anything
new" W9Jll haa a'H. 1nf f1pI .uid
BaS-" What is the matter with you ?"
inquired Judge who called to see sick
neighbor "Vell, / don't know chudge
-dey say it ish de cout; but Wy should
/ have de cout? l lives blain; | don't
eat too much, nor drink too much. "Per-
haps," suggested the Judge, "it is he
reditary 2" / guess it Is hereditary ]
remember mine wife's uncle had it.'
"As my wife at the window one day,
Stood watching man with monkey,
A cart came along with % broth of q boy
Who was driving stout little donkey,
To my wife l then spoke, by way Of joke,
There's relation of yours in that carriage
To which she replied, as the donkey she spied,
An, yes-a RELATION Dy larri"se' f
B6P- At festival pretty Miss waited
upon an editor with pie plate of an
tique manufacture, in the center Of which
he espied the following very interesting
couplet: ''1..'a ''o z ~
p One sweet kiss 'Hl i, h3lsl
Is the price of this" ,AHll ~
This excited his feelings, and as soon as
an opportunity presented itself, he mo-