davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-03-21
Precious Stones and MiIlstones.

A rich nobleman was showing a
friend great collection Of precious
stones, whose value was almost beyond
counting. There we're diamonds, and
pearls, and rubies and gems from al
most every country on the globe, which
had been gathered by the possesso-
with the greatest labor and expense !;
"and yet" he remarked, "they yield
me no income" His friend replied
that he had two stones which cost him
about ten forins each, yet they yielded
him an income of two thousand forms
a year. In much surprise the noble-
man desired to see the wonderful
stones, when the man led him down to
his mill and pointed to the toiling,
gray millstones. They were laborious-
ly crushing the grain into snowy -four
for the use of hundreds who depend
on the world for their daily bread.
The two dull, homely stones did more
good in the world, and yielded lar
ger income, than all the nobleman's
Jewels.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-03-21
SEASON OF IS7O-71.
MASON Il HAMLIN CABINET
ORGANS.
Important Improvements.
Patent June 2lst and August 23d, 1870.
REDUCTION OF PRICES

Patent June 2lst and August 23d, 1870.
REDUCTION oFPRICES.
The Mason Il Hamlin Organ Co., have
the pleasure of announcing important inn
provements in their Cabinet Organs, for
which Patents were granted them in June
and August last. These are not merely
meretricious attachments, but enhance the
substantial excellence of the Instruments.
They are also enabled by increased facil-
tiles large new mandatory, they hone
hereafter 10 supply all orders promptly,
The Cabinet Organs made by this O0m-
pany are of such universal reputation, not
only throughout America. but also in Eu-
rope, thatfew will need assurance Of their
superiority.
They now offer Four Octave Cabinet Or
gans, in quite plain cases, but equal accord
ing 70 their capacity to anything they max ke
for $50 each.
The same, Double Reed, $65. Five Oc-
tave Double Reed Organs, Five Stops, with
Knee swell and TEenlulant, in elegant case
with several of the Mason and Hamlin
improvements, SIPS. The same Extra
with new Vox Humana, Automatic Swell
ETC., $3.50. Five Oetaves, three sets Reeds,
seven stops with Euphone; splendid in
struments, $22h.
A new illustrated catalogue with full
information, and repuced prices, is now
ready, and will be sent free, with a testi-
monial circular, presenting great mass of
evidence as TO the superiority of these in
struments, to any one sending his address
TO MASON Il HAMLIN ORGAN CO., l54
fremont Street, Boston, os sos Broadway,
N. Y, 30-4t
400 P. NJ. Freight and Accommodation
daily,
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-03-21
A Novel Gun Carriage.

There is comical story connected
with the Ordnance Select Committee.
1t was at one time proposed to fire
mountain-guns off the backs of mules
that carried them. 1t was urged that
this would obviate the necessity of dis
mounting the gun from the mules
back and mounting it on its carriage
a mountain battery could thus come
into action in far less time. This pro-
posal was warmly taken up by the
committe, who forthwith proceeded
to test its feasibility. A mule or don.
key was procured, and a small CUR
strapped firmly to a cradle resting or
the pack-saddle, so that the weapon
pointed over the donkey's tail. The
animal was then led into the marshe:
at Woodwich, accompanied by the
committee and several "big wigs" who
were attracted by such an experiment
On arriving at the butt the gun wai
loaded. the donkey turued with his tai
towards the earthen mound, and the
usual preparations made for firing by
means of lanyard and friction tube
Hereupon one Of the committee re-
marked that this mode of firing might
derange the aim by the jerk on pulling
the lanyard. A discussion followed
and it was finally arranged to FIRE the
gun by the piece of slow match tied
to the vent. This was done, and the
match duly ignited. Hitherto the
donkey had taken rather a sleepy in
terest in the proceedings; but the fz
zing of the match on his back caused
him first to prick up his ears, then tC
lay them back, and finally to begin tc
turn round. The committee wer,
thunder struck, and "skedaddled" il
all directions; the secretary threw
himself fat on his face (; there was al
agonizing moment Of suspense; thel
-bang-the shot went ricochettin,
away in one direction. while th,
wretched donkey turned a complet
summersault in the other.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-03-21
Rates of Advertisin2.
Hasty Words.

The evil that is in the world, that
rushes down our streets, devastiDg
homes, running happiness, and laying
waite the pleasant places, has many
fountains. Sin does its deadly work
in many ways, and sorrow comes from
a variety of sources. Hasty words
have much to answer for among the
rest. We are apt to think that word
or two does not matter; that we need
not trouble ourselves to be over par
ticular as to what we say. But this is
only one of our many mistakes. Words
live. There is so much vitality in
them that they take root even upon
very unlikely soil. Hasty words are
almost sure to have little sense and
less kindness in them. They are not
the offspring of meek and quiet spirits,
but of hot, passionate tempers. GAIL
men are liarsp Who but a man in
a passion would have said thatH The
assertion is so sweeping and unjust,
that if David had not prefaced it by
his profession, 81 said in my haste"
we should not have understood it.
Perhaps the reason why such are spok-
en- is, that the speaker feels himself
aggrieyed. We often do in this life
of ours we cannot have all wel wish
from our brothers and sisters. and so
we allow ourselves to grow fretfui and
angry. We are unreasonable enough
to suppose that all things should be
ours, and when we find only few things
coming to our share, then we become
discontented ana peevish, and speak
hasty words.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-03-21
The Rat-Killer.

Adam Bepler keeps tavern in Al
lcgheny. One rather gloomy evening
recently, when Adam was in rather a
gloomy humor, a stranger presented
himself about bedtime, and asked to
stay all night.
Certainly" said Adam, eying the
rather seedy-looking stranger. "If you
take breakfast it will be shust one dol
lar"
"But / have no money" said the
man. 81 am dead broke, but if you
will trust me"
"Ah" said Mr.. Bepler. II don't
like that kind of customer. could
fll mine house every night NIT dat
kind, but dat won't help me run dis
house."
"Well." said the stranger after a
pause, "have you any rats about
here ?"
"Ya" replied Adam, "you'd better
believe we have. Why, de place is
lousy init dem"
"Well," rejoined the man, "I'll tell
you what I'll do. If you let me have
lodging and breakfast, I'll kill all the
rats to. morrow"
"Done," said Bepler, who had long
been desperately annoyed by the num-
ber of Norways that infested his prem
ises.
So the stranger, a gaunt, sallow,
melancholy-looking man, was shown
to bed, and no doubt had a good sleep.
After breakfast next morning, Mr..
Bepler took occasion to remind his
guest Of the contract Of the previous
night.
"What kill your ratsP Certainly"
said the melancholy stranger. "Where
are they the thickestP"
"Dey are pooty thick in der barn
yard, answered Adam.
"Well, let's go out there" said the
stranger, "But stop? Have you got q
piece of hoop-iron 2"
A piece about fifteen feet long was
brought for the stranger, who examin-
ed it carafully from one end to the
other. Expressing himself entirely
satisfied, finally, with its length and
strength, he proceeded to the ba,n, ac-
companied by Mr.. Bepler and quite a
number of idlers who were anxious to
see in what manner the great rat-killer
was going to work. Arriving there
the stranger looked around little
then placed his back firmly against
the door and raised his weapon.
"Now," said he to Adam, 81 am
ready Fetch on your rats"
How this scene terminated we are
not precisely informed. 1t is said
that, although no rats answered the
appeal of the stranger, Mr.. Bepler be-
gan to smell one pretty strongly at this
juncture, and became very angry. One
thing is certain, and that is that the
new boarder was not at Adams table
at dinner, nor for any subsequent meal.
He had suddenly resolved to depart,
probably TO pursue his avocation OF
rat-killing in other quarters.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-03-21

In Seville, which is popularity be-
lieved to be in Spain, there is most
felicitious invention in the was of MAX
ing love-clandestinely. After dark
young cdbeilera steals beneath the la
dy's lattice-which, perchance, is in
the third story-and softly unscrewing
the handle of their walking sticks. pro-
ceed to extract from the same, which
are hollow, length after length of hol-
low tubing, screwing them together af-
ter the fashion of a Japanese fishing
pole, or the old apparatus wherewith
sweeps clean chimneys. A mouth
piece is fitted Into each end, and one
raised to the window above. Soon, by
the aid of this improved speaking tube,
two souls with certain unanimity of
thought and two hearts with possible
unison of pulsation. are softly COM
muning.
Now this is all very nice, seductive
ly romantic, all that sort Of thing, but
mark what the knowledge of il brought
TO q certain youth Of Baltimore. He
had read of it, or heard of it, and hap.
pening to have surreptitious affection
for young and wealthy lady which
she as surreptitiously reciprocated, he
determined, with her connivance, to
avail himself of it. He got tin pipe
Of the desired length, made by tin
ner, and in each end of it placed, for
want of better mouth-piece funnel.
Delicious conversation went on, he sit
ting ON the top of a water barrel and
she leaning from the window above.
They would converse for hours, and ex.
change all the soft nonsense in the
world, and then he would unship the
apparatus, put the tunnels in his pock-
ct, wrap the pieces up ia newspaper,
and go home in condition of ETHEREAL
bliss. The course Of true love never
did run smooth, and one evening the
old gentleman, smoking in the back
garden at an unusual hour, saw the
young gentleman arrive, fix up his ap-
paratus and commence his soul-com-
muning operations.
He made up his mind in minute.
He went into the kitchen and asked
for pitcher of boiling water; it was
handed to him and off he posted up
stairs. Just as he reached his daugh-
ter's door he commenced calling to her.
So telling her lover to wait moment,
she came to the door. "Nellie, my
dear, run up to my room and get my
spectacles; I'll wait here till You come
down." She disappeared up stairs, aud
he stole cautiously TO the window. The
minute he touched the funnel the amor.
Gus and unsuspecting youth clapped
his mouth to it to resume where he had
broken of-"my darling, you cannot
imagine how-"Just then the old gen.
tleman commenced assiduously filling
the funnel with hot water, and the rest
of that miserable youths sentence was
never heard. He wore -four on his
face for fortnight after, and declines
to 60 into society just at present.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-03-21
A Fiji Comedy.

The FIJI Islanders have just estab-
lished their first theater, and native
has written tragedy for it.
The heroine of the tragedy is a girl
who loved noble young cannibal.
The father of the latter forbade him
to marry the girl, because she had no
fat and juicy relations who could be
sliced down and fried for the wedding
breakfast. But the lover made her
swear they should never be separated
In fulfillment of her VOW she ate him
one night at their old trysting-place
and, after the last mouthfnl of him had
disappeared, she wept tears of joy to
think that now their two hearts would
beat as one.
The father, when he hears the sad
news, goes up stairs, puts on his best
banana-leaf, and dies, and the villain
of the piece is about to lunch off the
remains, when the heroine rushes in,
kills the villain, eats both of the bodies
herself, and chokes to death on the vii
lain's rib, which sticks crosswise in her
throat, and strangles her as the curtain
comes down amid frantic applause.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-03-21
Truth in Opera.

One night when Carlotta Patti was
in Brooklyn she sang with Farranti.
just as the buffo singer was leading
her out the door to the platform some
one in the room hehind him cried out
that his coat had burst at the seam in
the back. 1t was too late to recede
for the audience had seen him, and the
two singers advanced to the footlights.
But the knowledge of his mishap took
all the humor out Of Ferranti, and the
duet (Which was sung in Italian) was
so dolefully devoid of the usual hu.
NOR that Patti noticed it before they
we're half through, and dropping the
text of the song, she fitted the follow
ing words to it in Italian:
"What is the matter with YOU to.
night? | Eot understand your nervous
ness. Nobody laughs at you"
Whereupon Ferranti, in mellihuous
baritone and equally mellifuous Ital-
ian, resonded:
"By the Virgin, / have bursted my
coat. Everybody will laugh when /
am going off"
AT this unexpected interchange OF
personal feelings, Max Maretzek and
his orchestra began to laugh imme-
diately. Then the people in the front
seats, seeing the orchestra and the
artists laughing, Joined themselves,
and the merriment presently broke out
in applauses all over the house.
"Ah," said one of the Brooklyn pa
pers, "there IS always something majes-
tic in Ferranti's singing of that song.
People burst into sympathetic laugh
ter without being able to tell why"
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-03-21

Some peoples notions of comfort
differ from those of others. Mr.. Mat
thews once went over Warwick gaol,
and when he came to "the place of ex-
ecution," he observed TO the goaler,
that, considering the extent Of the
country. and the number of executions
which might take place, the drop
struck him IS being very small. 81
don't know" said the man; "tO be
zure six 'ould be crowded, but foiye
'ould hang very comfortable"
A learned clergyman was accosted
in the following manner by an
illiterate preacher who despised educa-
ton "Sir you have been to college l
supposep" Eyes, sir" was the reply.
II am thankful" rejoined the former,
"that the Lord opened my mouth with
out any learning" "a similar event"
retorted the clergyman "took place
in Balaam's time but such things are
ofrare occurrence at the present day."
The new trowel bayonets being man.
ufactured at the Springfield armory
are shaped almost exactly like sharp
pointed trowel, and the dimensions are
the same. Their design is not so much
for charges as for q skirmishin line,
and, being furnished with finger pieces
where they are joined to the guns, they
can be used either to lop boughs or
dig holes for picket defence.
A Adrawing- master, worrying his pupil
with contemptuous remarks upon his
lack of ability ended by asking "Now
sir, if you were going to draw me,
what part of me would you commence
with firstH" The boy, with meaning
look into the masters face answered
very quietly, "Your neck"
A rich man in Brattleboro' was
applied 10 for a contribution in build
ing an iron fence round the cemetery
in that town. But he declined on the
rather irreverent but witty plea that
a cemetery does not need any fence, as
those inside cannot get out, and those
who are outside do not want to get in"
A writer says. 81 have seen women
so delicate that they are afraid to ride
for fear of the horse running away;
afraid to sail for fear the boat should
overset and afraid to walk for fear
the dew might fall; but never saw
one afraid to get married.
The hotel in Chetopa, Kansas, is
temporarily closed on account of
little difficulty between the cook and
the proprietor, which was settled with
a pistol. The proprietor is in his grave
and the cook is in Jail.
"Vill you dake somethingS" said a
German tetotaller to a friend, while
near a tavern,-"I don't
care if do" was the reply,-"Vell,
let us dake yalk~
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-03-21

Absent-minded people are funny.
Sir Isaac Newten wanted his servant to
carry out stove that was getting too
hot. A fellow stole his dinner before
his eyes, and he afterwards thought he
had eaten it because he saw the dishes
empty. A Scotch professor walked in
to the middle of horse-pond while
pondering on Final Cause. Ben.
Franklin punched down the ashes Of
his pipe with the fuger of young la
dy sitting at his side, and severely
burned the little white poker. A gem
tleman in Troy, N. Y, received a let
ter in the dark, and used the letter to
light his lamp, and then looked about
for it to read. Pere Gratry, one day
in Paris, thinking he had left his watch
at home, took it out Of his pocket to
see if he had time to go back after it.
Neander, the church historian. used to
go TO his lectures in his night cap and
sometimes walked in the gutter.
A poor soldier in New Hampshire,
who, after three applications, succeed
ed in getting 500 bounty. sent at once
$40 to an uncle who had loaned him
that amount when he was in desperate
need. A few days ago the uncle died,
and by his will he left the penniless
soldier all his estate, valued at $780,
900, giving as his reason for so doing,
that he had many times lent money to
his relatives, and he alone had repaid
him.
An acquaintance from the country
having visited some friends, and being
about to depart. presented little boy,
one of the family, with a half dollar,
III the presence of his mother. "Please,
is it a good one ?" said the lad. Ser
tainly," replied the gentleman, sur
priseI; "why do you ask ?" Because
I'd rather have bad one; they'd let
me keep it; If ! get any good money
it goes into the bank, and never get
it again"
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-03-21
John X, Hallock,

A TToRNEY AT LAW aud Solicitor OF
n Patents, No. SOS French street(opposite
Rocd House) Erie, Pa. Will practice in
the several State Courts and the United
States Courts. Special attention given to
soliciting patents for Inventors infringe
ments, REISSUE and extension of patents
carefully attended TO. References: Hon.
James Campbell, Clarion; Hon. John s.
McCalmont, Franklin; IL. l.. d A. b.
Richmond, Meadvillei w. z. Lathy. III
oMesta. 27
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-03-21

/
A Portland paper is publishing
what purports to be extracts from a
diary kept by Hawthorne, when boy
of ten years, while he was spending
some time in Maine. This is para.
graph: "This morning the bucket got
off the chain, and dropped back into
the we'll. ! wanted to go down on the
stones and get it. Mother would not
consent, for fear the we'll might cave
in, but hired Samuel Shane to go down.
In the goodness Of heart, she thought
the son of old Mrs. Shane not quite so
valuable as the son of the Widow
Hawthorne. God bless her for all her
love for me, though it may be some
selfish"
"Every man ought to do something
for the Home Missionary cause" said
wealthy man in Maine to a missiona-
ry the other day, "aId l hope you will
visit every man in this parish, as all
can do something. / can just as we'll
make my contribution now as any time.
These are hard times, but every man
should do his part. By the way, you
needn't call on my son-he's sick and
I'll give enough for him and me too"
And then that wealthy man gave the
missionary a ten cent stamp.
PROOF PosITIvE.-"Why do you
oppose the giving of the ballot to wo-
men ?" asked lady, the othe- evening,
of confirmed bachelor. Excuse me,
madam" replied he, ''but have not
sufficient confidence in their capacity
TO conduct government affairs" !"
/ "What evidence of their mental interi-
orlty 10 mankind can you advance" ?"
queried the lady, "A simple fact is
enough to satisfy my mind, and that is
the frightful way in which they do up
their back hair.
A Washington school.boy has a
grievance, and writes about it to the
Star thus: "When boy goes to school
in the morning an Forgets to Sharpin
his Pencil Why then of Crosse be Hast
to do it in School An if he dos his
Teacher Takes His knife away frsm
him. Then he goes home On tells his
Father an he Makes a fus. But he
never gets his knife"
A philosophical individual, who
suddenly sat down OH a slippery side
walk in Milwaukee, disarmed the u.s.
pal ridieule incident to accidents of
that character by coolly taking a cigar
out of his pocket, aud lighting it be-
fore getting up,
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1871-03-21

A farmer cut down a tree which
stood so near the boundary line of hi:
farm that it was doubtful whether it be.
longed to him or his neighbor. The
neighbor, however, claimed the tree,
and prosecuted the man who cut it for
damages. The case was sent to
court. Time was wasted, temper sour
ed, and temper lost; but the case was
finally gained by the prosecutor. The
last we heard Of the transaction was,
that the man who gained the cause
went TO the lawyers Office to execute a
deed of the whole farm, which he had
been compelled to sell to pay his costs !!
Then, houseless and homeless, he thrust
his hands into his pockets, and tri.
umphantly exclaimed, 1--WE beat himl"
In all the novels, when woman are
alluded to, they are described as ethe-
real creatures that man can take under
his arm and carry off any where, but
man who has Investigated the matter
says, you take the lightest girl of your
acquaintance, throw her over your
shoulders and undertake TO elope
with her and you will think she is made
of pig iron, while the romantic stories
about carrying girls against their will
is all bosh. 1t would take at least
three men to elope with one girl, if she
is anything of a kickist.
The discovery of a lock of hair in the
heart of tree in Kentucky,is thus ex-
planned In nlden times, when wizard
cures for diseases we're more in vogue
than at present, cure for phthisic
was prescribed as follows: Take a
lock of hair from the head of
patient, especially if a child, and bore
a hole in the tree, place the hair in
the hole and then plug the hole up.
The simultaneous growth of the child
and the tree takes the malady from
the child, and it is supposed to be
transmitted to the tree.
An eccentric minister in a large
parish had seventeen couples to marry
at once in a grand common service at
church. in the course of the wedding
he asked one of the men TO pledge
himself to the wrong woman. The
man naturally protested, but was told,
" Hold your tongue will marry
you all now right here you can sort
yourselves going home" "