Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1871-08-01
VARIETY.

A "stOried earu"-a nOvelist's pay.
May turkey be said to be ghost when
lists a-gObbliu?
Melancholy trees-The weeping willow
and the pineapple.
Gravity is no more evidence of wisdom
than paper collar is Of shirt.
This is . sweeping catastrophe" as the
man said when his wife knocked him down
with broom.
A New Zealand chief maintained that
he had a good title to his land, because he had
eaten its former owner.
-"NoW, then, fust boy in 'rithmetic, how
many white beans air there in ten black Ones."
''Ten, sir, if you skin en-"
"A young physician asked permission of
lady TO kiss her. She replied, mo. sir; I
never like doctors bill thrust in my face. I"
"A sign in a Western city reads "Boots
and shoes BACKED inside" most persons pre-
FER the old way of backing them on the out
-Ye who arc eating the apple dumpliucs
aud mOlasses of wealth, should not FORGET
those who are sucking the herring bones of
poverty
:" MOdesty" asks Us "what is the hest
method of popping the question ?" 1t is a
good deal like ehampague-if it don't pop
itself there is something wrong about it.
MA" said little girl to her mother.
"do men WaOt to get married As much as
women 2! 'Pshaw! what arc you talking
about ! why, ma. the women Who come
here are always talking about getting married
the men don't
= The story that tho New York Tribune
is having Mr.. Greeley's old editorial manu-
scripts engraved as maps Of the seat Of war is
ridiculous on the face of it, when any ono
considers that they can be put to service rs
new editorials by giving them to fresh COM
POsltOr to set up the second time.
Girls. argues that Robinson Crusoe was
happy, because "he had no neighbors to quar-
rel with, didn't have a gas bill coming in
every mouth, wasn't threatened with HAVING
the water stopped, hadn't any one to scoId him
when he came in late, wasn't kept awake bv
the hiring fourth of July nights, nor harrassed
BY any life insurance agent"
Thirsty gent enters the bar.roo of
hrSt'ciass hotel early in the day: Landlord.
guess We got sense enough to take drink
this morning" ObsequiOus bartender furn-
lshes the desired beverage, and the thirsty
gent SMILES, smacks his lips, add remarks
"WelI, old toll, that's prime, but I'm cussed If
I've got cents enough to pay for it." IExit
with flying cOlors
Down in Texas the preaching of the Cos
pei Is put to = curious use. There ara panps
OF hOrse-thieVes in shat State as in most other
States. One OF these gangs is headed BY a
pretended minister Of the Gospel, who is in
the habit Of holding prOtracted meetings in
certain localities. While the congregation is
engaged in worship, at a given signal from
the minister the horse thieves make descent.
a he
presence Is discovered
The manner of tho purely Western
writer IS never more admired b. the in
diSeuOus Western farmer, of grocery educa.
ton, than when he writes like this Here il
the style of steed the Governor of Oregon
rides, according TO the Salem Mercury He
has purchased Con tick bushy headed, club
footed, bench legged, eWe.necked, stified.
wheeling, hip shOtten, lumber jointed, shaggy
tailed, Vermin-eaten, one. eyed Cayuse pony.
which he rides into town ON n sheen skin
saddle, at pace which describes itself as a
hiP-a.ts-tOOt, rickety a rack, chuss, chugg
gate"
A superintendent once asked Us 70 take
charge Of = Sunday school class.
"YOuH find 'em rather \ bad lot" said he.
"They all went fishing last Sunday but lit
tie Johnny Rand. He is really a good how.
and hope his example may yet redeem the
others. wish yOu would talk to 'em = little.
told him 1 would. They were rather a
hard-lOOkinS set. 1 don't think ever Wit
messed more elegant assortment of black
eyes in my life. Little johnny Rand, the
good boy was in his placsy and smiled on
him aPProvingly. As soon a. the lessons
were over said:
boys, your superintendent tells mo YOU
went fishing last Sunday. All but little John.
ny here. You didn't 60 did you, Johnny ,"
"That was right. Though this boy is the
youngest among you" l continued, "yOu will
Row learn from his own lips words of good
counsel which hope you will profit BY"
1 lifted him on the seat beside ne. and
snoothed his auburn ringlets.
"NoW johnny, 1 want you to tell vour
teacher and these wicked boys, why YOU did
not so fishing with them last Sunday, Speak
up IOud, now. It was because it was TeTv
wicked, and you had rather como to SUNDAY
school. Wasn'tit7"
"No, sir; 1t was eos I couldn't End no
worms for bait 90
somehow or other these boy. always turn