The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-07-11

CT, VIC hdNn SOt IL du lSu IL OOlh
bafe yo mane?'
Bay- Young chaps who carry canes, say
they have bible authority for so doing, as
even Adam is represented as having
Cain, when quite young.
Be7~ An apt reply" I'm broken
man y exclaimed poet.
So think" was the answer, " for
have seen your pieces"
DGs- " The easiest way to get living"
says a vagabond poet, " is to sit on gate,
and wait for good luck In case good
luck don't come along, you are no worse
off than you were before"
B@l5r A Simple but ingenious enigma
for the young people is the following:
In my first, my second sat;
My third and fourth ate
The answer is, inSatiate.
Bsy" 4 IIibernian gentleman, when
told by his nephew that he had Just en-
tered college with view to the Church,
said | hope that l may live to hear
you preae my funeral sermon"
I Regn Little Howard R came into
the room where his mother had just hung
up clean curtain, and made the astute
observation, "Oh ma, the window has got
on clean shirt"
Re5- Martha" said James, ''what
letter in the alphabet do you like best ?"
Martha din't like to say, but the young
man insisted
Well" was her final answer, as she
dropped her eyes, AZ think I ike U
best"
Dsgr Is your father at home?" inquir-
ed a man Of little girl who admitted
him.
Is your name Bill"
Some people call me So"
Then he is not at home for l heard
him tell John, if any bill came, to say he
is not at home"
GS5- A married lady who was in the
habit Of spending most of her time in
society of her neighbors, happened one
day to be taken i'll, and sent her husband
in great haste for physician. The hus-
, band ran short distance, and then re-
turned, exclaiming, My dear, where
, shall find you when | come back?"
B9g~ Thomas Winchester, from Con-
necticut, a few days since, was riding a
mule near Macon, Georgia. The mule
: baked and would not go. Thomas dis
! mounted and kicked the object of his
wrath a few times The object kicked
back. The next day the colored boys di-
vided what property Thomas left buried
one of the kickcrs in a little shallow
grave, and set the other to plowing corn
, ground.
t 50- A lady had been cautioning her
|. son, bright little boy, in the matter o!
s taking cold.
r "You know, my child" she said, 81
cannot help being anxious and troubled
about you when you are i'll. All Fred
, dy, you have no idea of the feelings of a
= mother"
No, mother" replied the dear little
o fellow, with genuine earnestness; " but l
IS may know something of the feelings of Q
= fatherw
,, B9" A young lady saw in wicked pa
&c per that if two young ladies would eacl
d take pole of a galvanic battery in one
y n hand, and then complete the circuit BY
sr kissing that the sensation upon the lip
n, was exactly that of the pressure of the
ID moustache. She Immediately communi
Of Gated the fact to number of friends;
lie battery was secured, and the experime n
g tried, and found to work like charm
A large number of pocket batteries hav,
been ordered so that hereafter when thu
D ladies meet and kiss, as is their custom
II, they each shut their eyes and fully enjo,
e. e. the satisfaction Of feeling a gentleman
IL lips pressed to theirs.
DUTcH WIsDoM.-Many people spen,
much of dheir wages in der vhiske
he stores, and den sit down und fret pekau
lie dheir napors gets along more peter as
n' dem.
IL The only mark dat some men will eve
Of maken in dis vorlt will pc de mark 9
~ dher poots in der mud. a.,
,ir Riches vas one ding, and religion
40 40 anoder, but you can't say dat you Away
be be see de two togedder.
Every clean berson pesure washes hi
H. eyes out every morning, Now, l likes
find it out how he gets dem in again.
,b- Memory ish der food of olt age.
plaot,, boa,,laa datast life nakaus dba