Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1871-11-16
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! A black bird-A raven hue officer.
An educational diet-A dinner of fvl
erbs. " W
Some prisons have wings-some pris-
oners would like to have.
Why is vie like a bad biHP Be
cause sne IS difficult to get changed.
The coal merchants fsvorite aphor-
lsm-One good ton deserves another.
The best person-indeed. the only
person-to NIL vacuum, is dentist.
On which side of donkey would
You look for the most hair? The out
side.
To the mint authorities-If money
makes money, is it liable to be in
Idicted? - sGI-.l l.-N
Querry.-Is the sea-board made of
beech? .-1-4I
A reliable piece of furniture-A de-
termined stand.
The ties that connect business men
with the public advertise.
To make hens lay-Tie their LEGS To-
gether so they can't stand up.-fGree-
ley.
New Orl ans girls complain that the
young men 'don't tease them enough"
Judy asks whether women are nearer
angels since they have Worn high
heels? .ri
WHAT kind of rice is easily cultivated
In any country on earth ? Avarice
What is the grandest verse in exist
enee? The universe. -,...,
- Plain young ladies GOTTEN live to be
pretty old women. .- ..
Why is brutal husband like a dis
satisfied cabman? Because he fire.
quently abuses his fair.
lfa man cannot learn by experience,
why is he like laurel? Because he is
an evergreen.
Supposing a man to be in serious
frame OF mind, it is necessary he should
be picture OF despair? .Al
A friend Of ours says that he possesses
in the person of his. valet the greatest
! !yre in the wOrld-and still he is not
harry! e.a
A gardeners wife made pincushion
out of Spanish onion, but she found
that it brought the tears into her
needles eyes.
A man who was told by clergyman
to remember Let's wife," replied that
he had trouble enough with his own,
without remembering other mems
wives t-
1t is said that if a tree is felled while
in leaf, and allowed to lie until the foil
age wi hers, the wood will be sooner
as the leaves will draw the
sap before they die
Mutual admiration-As the season of
par les approaches, boys begin to feel
gallant and 'gals" buoyent.
Vermont is distinguished for the
number of its boys who run away to
sea because there's SO little to see at
home. ..-
The torch of Hymen was not put out
amid the general wreck at Chicago.
Twenty marriage licenses were issued
there last week.
Mrs. Moore, of Indiana, thrashed her
husband for getting drunk; and the
Louisville Ledger calls her ''the bride
Of lam-a-Moore." !"
A Main Sophomore broke some bad
news, gently, by writing home that he
came near losing thirty-seven dollars
last week. The parents reply, saying
that they are glad the, money was not
lost, and inquire "how near" The
youth replied, ''Came within one of it
lost S36. -
Dean Swift said: SIT is with narrow
souled people as it is with narrow-neck-
ed bottles, the less they have in them,
the more noise tney make in pouring
it out"
''Indian ,Joe," Piute medicine man.
we'll known among the whites, was
stoned to death by his tribe, having
failed to restore to health two sick IN
Ilians. The practice of medicine among
Indians evidently has its unpleasant
features.
The army order issued on Wednes-
day extends Sheridan's division from
the British boundary to the Gulf of
Mexico, and places under his control all
the disturbed districts of northern and
Texas and the Mexican
border. .
At horse case tried in Massachu-
sets, the other day, one witness, on
being asked what kind of medicine was
used in the treatment of the Ciilani-
dated animal, said that che would be
busted if he knowed, but he ryther
guessed it was anarchy"
We venture to suggest simple plan
for the refGrmati N of the habitual tip
pier without depriving him of his lib
srty, let him, whene'er he takes his
walks abroad, be eonspicuously labeled
'To be kept dry"
The following epitaph is from ceme-
tero in Cape May County, New Jersey:
Mary Jar.cS aged II yrs. mos
she was not su art. she was not fair,
b. But hearts with grief for her are svslIn'
All empty stands her little chair
She died OF eatin' watermelin.
The question in New York-When
will the Grand Duke arrive? u-
The question in Philadelphia-How
lOes your vaccination work? ..
The question in Chicago-Is it safe to
milk COWS after dark?
The question among the ladies in
Have you seen the nude
BOY on the Davidson fOuntainS
a minister out West recently wound
up his sermon as follows: 81 would
to the congregation that prob
ably by mistake, there was left at the
house this morn ng a small
cotton umbrella, much damaged by
lime and tnnr nnd of an nyceedinrlv