The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-10-03
Mrs. Tubbs Takes an Elevator

at a big dry-goods store in New York.
had heerd considerable about this ere
store, but l warn't in no way prepared for
all | see there. Sakes 1t was equal to
q dozen villages like Vandusenburg
a-coming out O. meetin' all to once. Such
a crowd l never see, and the women
maulin' of the goods without buyin', and
the clerks lookin' on sarcastic just like
| you see in any ornery store. Well,
went about better'n an hour gettiu' q
couple O. pair of good domestic hose for
my son Jabez, and seven eighths of a
yard of stuff for cheese.bags; and sudden,
bein' uncommon tired, / felt weak spell
comm on, and hadn't hardly strength
to ask for chintz for the setting-room
sofa. Hi
Next story, mam'm," says the clerk
kind o looking sharp at me, "wouldn't
you like to take elevator 2"
Well, Ods beat it seemed most un-
common proceeding, and what l never
heerd no gentleman do before, to ask me
to take elevator. had my missgivings
what it meant, for our Jabez with his
jokes and what nots, though his father
and me is most strong temprince folks,
persists sometimes in takin' what he calls
elevators, which is glasses of speerits
and water calker-lated, as he says, to
raise droopin' feelins and failin' strength.
q" Sir" says l as lofty as 1 could, ~
prefer not, and to my mind you'd do bet
ter for respectable shop not to be offerin
elevators, leastwse not to me-" So /
kept walkin' round, not likin' to ask
questions shown me country ways, and
still feelin' that awful feelin' of gonenoss
which them as has week spells is subject
to, when another clerk, hearin' me ask
for chintzes, said something again about
my taking elevator BY this time |
felt dreadful, and so, says [, maxim up
my mind it was York fashion and it
warn't best to seem too back-country,
a" Thanks to you, sir" says I, "I don't
mind trying something of the kind, bein'
most remarkable thirsty"
Certainly, ma'am says he, a bowing
careless towards stand holdin' a pail
with spigot to it, full of what l might
have took to be water, judgin by the taste
but | know well enough it was some de-
ceitful genteel kind of liquor with the
taste and smell taken out like they do to
benzine aud castor. No sooner had |
swallered goblet of it when the young
man pinted to little room which, if
you'll believe me, Mr.. Editor, give the
queerest kind Of jerk you ever see just as
l looked in, and seein' comfortable sofas
all round the walls of it, stepped in.
There was other ladies goin' in too, SO
we all set down, and I couldn't help won
dering whether the poor things had been
takin' elevators like me- st won't do
no harm," says to myself, "to sit here
a mint or two till this weak spell passes
of" when, massy on me if l didn't feel
myself AGOIN UPl Yes, agoin' up, and
with me the room and sofas and ladies
and all clutched hold of the cushion
and stared kind O. wild, like as not, for
one of the ladies bit her lip as if contem-
plating to laugh, and still we was all
agoin' up, least wise so it seemed. Its
all on account O. taking that elevator"
thinks / to myself, and then it come
upon me how uncommon appropriate the
word was, meanin' drink though often |
had heard Jabez's pa scold him for using
that vulgar expression But / couldn't
help feelin' scared, particular when l see
all Of suddent men and women kind O.
walkin' about in, the air. Once jumped
up to go out of the room, but man
aworkin' some clock-work in the corner
held out his hand. "In one moment,
madam" says he, pushin' me back with
such an air n -,r,
Did you take elevator" l whis-
pers to the lady setting alongside of me-
She nodded her head without saying moth
ing, and from queer look / reckoned
she was worse affected even than what l
was. "It's the first / ever took in my
life here in York" continues l; Sour
country elevators is more positive to take,
put they don't have nothing like the
effect, though must say such things
never ought be took except in sickness"
"Nop, madam says the clock-man
very pompous, ''you won't have no diff
Guilty now" Sure enough didn't have
no difficulty, For in mint the effect Of
the elevator passed off suddener than it
came. / followed the ladies out lively
enough, but sakes alive what time /
had fndin' the street door i never was
50 bothered in all my life, though know
ed all along what was the matter, but
just kept on without askin' no questions
of nobody, and finally agoin' down stairs
and expectin' nothing else but TO find