Weekly Trinity journal., 1871-04-29

| Can lover be called suitor, when he don't
suit her?
The magic mirror-a beautiful face lit up
with smiles.
'I see you're on the watch" as the thief
said to the guard chain
Having your teeth knocked out is called ir-
regular dentistry out West.
Why will folks pay so much for rent when
they can get house maid for three or four dol
lars2
Down East, they call inger-posts ministers,
because they point the way to other people, but
don't go themselves.
A man going down hill always gets moro
help than when going up. When it comes to
kicking people are wont to be liberal.
"Pa," said little friend of ours, "what's
the use Of giving our little pigs so much milk?
They only make hogs of themselves"
you would gain tho love and respect of a
true girl, never give her presents nor seek to
rise in her favor by the disparagement of others.
1t is n well established fact, that person who
is guilty of squirting tobacco juice in the house
of worship, don't expec-to-rate as gentleman.
little girl looking at picture of Eve in pic
ture gallery, exclaimed 90, mother, l should
think that woman would be afraid of grasshop-
pers."
"What have you to remark, Madam, about
my singing p said gentleman to lady, the
other evening. "Nothing, sir, it is not re-
markable"
"SoLIDrFlED beer is the latest thing 1t is
lager concentrated the way they do milk, 80
that man can carry enough in his vest pocket
to ruin n temperance society
A client once burst into food of tears after
he had heard the statement of his counsel, ex-
claiming 81 did not think suffered half so
much till heard it this day."
"What sustained our revolutionary sires dur
ing their struggle for liberty ?" was what New
Canaan pedagogue asked boy and was aston
ished when the boy said, " Their legs, sir"
"Shall help you to alght2" said q young
gentleman, addressing bouncing country girl,
who was preparing to jump from carriage. "No
sir" sweetly replied the girl, {" don't smoke"
For one woman who gets husband by means
of snowy dress and costly jewels, nine fail to
get husbands because of the costliness of their
attire and the disposition and taste it indicates
Gentlemen of the jury" said laundering
counsel in q suit about a lot of hogs, "there
were just thirty-six hogs in that drove. Please
to remember that fact-thirty-six hogs--ust
three times as many as in that jury-box, gentle
men," The counsel didn't gain his case
New York farmer laughed when bis prudent
wife advised him not to smoke on a load of hay
He footed it home that night with his hair singed
most of his garments prey to the devouring ell
ement, and the ron-work of the wagon In po-
tato SACK and then his wife laughed some her.
self.
little girl who loves to pray one night was
very tired and sleepy, and was getting into her
little bed without saying her prayers. But her
mamma told her to kneel down first to pray. So
she folded her little hands and said "Please
God, remember what little Polly said last night,
she SO tired tonight. Amen"
The Indiana gentleman who wanted divorce
on the ground that his wife's hair, when irst
married, was a beautiful black, and had changed
to an inhammatory red color shortly after was
denied it on the evidence introduced that he had
watched her SO closely that she had had no op-
portunity to repeat the application of hair.dye
clergyman observing poor by the
road breaking stones, and kneeling to get at his
work the better, made this remark "Aht
John, wish could break the stony hearts Of
my hearers as easily as you are breaking those
stones"
"Perhaps, my master, you do act work on
your knees" was the reply
woman has no natural grace Tore bewich-
ing than sweet laugh. How IN Hh we owe to
that sweet laugh? 1t turns the p,Ese of our life
into poetry it Aings showers of anshine over
the darksome wood in which we Ire travelling;
it touches with light even our nleep which is
the image of death, but gemmc with dreams
that are the shadows of immort ky.
Yankee went for the first kne to a bowling
alley and kept firing away al, Ne pins to the i'm
minent peril of the boy, who so far from having
anything to do in 's setting up " the pins, was
actively at work in the endeavor to avoid the
balls which ratified on all sides of the pins
without touching them. At last the fellow, see-
ing the predicament the boy was in, yelled out
rs he let drive another ball, stStand in among
the pins if you don't want to get HIT"
good anecdote is told of painters son,
who used the brush dexterously, but he ac-
qured the habit of putting it on too thick One
day his father, after having repeatedly scolded
him for his lavish daubing, and all to no pur-
pose, gave him sever hagellation, said, "There,
you young rascal, after performing the painful
duty, Chow do you like thatF' Well, | don't
know" whined the boy in reply, " but it seems