Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1871-10-19
THE JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS.
How Tu Pick Out A Good Hoss.

First. Let the color be a sOrrel, roam, a
red, gray, white, a black, a blue, a
green, chestnut, a brown, a dapple, a
spotted, cream, a buckskin, or a sum OF
other good color.
Second. Examin his ears; see that he has
got tew ears, and pound tin pan cluss to
him to find out whether hiz hearing IL good.
All hOsSes are dunn, but a def and dunn
boss are not desirable.
Third. Look well tn hiz eyes; see that he
haz got pupil in hiz eyes, and not too large
one neither; hOsses with too large pupils in
their eyes are near-sighted, and kant see
oats, and hav tu wear green goggles, and
green goggles make a hoss look tu much
lie trakt pedlar.
Fourth. Feel ov his neck with the inside
Ov yure right hand; see that the spinal cOIlum
IL well fatted, and runs the whole length ov
him from fore tn aft-a hOss without a good
phatt spinal collum from fore tn aft aint
worth-(speallin sudden)-aint worth a
well defind cUIss.
Five. Put yure hand on hiz breast (this
IL allowable in the case ov quadruped;)
see if hiz harte kan beat 20; squeeze hiz
fore leggs tu see if he il well muscled; lift
up hiz before feet and see if thare IL emmy
frogs in them-frogs keep hoss's feet cool
and sweet, just az they do well or a spring
Ov water.
Six. Look well in hiz shoes; see what
number he wears-number eight IL about
right.
Seven. Run yure hand along the dividing
ridge ov hiz boldly, from the top Oy hiz
withers tn the commencement ov hiz tail
Cor dOrsul vertibra,) and pinch him az you
go along, tn see if he knows how tn kick.
Ate. Look on his hind legs for sum spav-
ms, kurbs, wingalls, ringbOneS, skratches,
quittors, thrush, grease-heels, thoroughpins,
spring-halt, quarter-kracks; Sc if he haz got
a whirl-bone; look for sum pin-hips; hunt
for strains in the back tendons, let-dOwns,
and capped hooks.
Nine. Investigate hizteeth; see if he aint
fourteen years old last MAY, with teeth filed
down, and a siX-year-old black mark burnt
into the top ov them with hot iron.
pa Ten. Smell of hiz breath tusee ifhe haint
got sum glanders; look just back Ov hiz ears
for sighns of pOle-evil; pinch him on the top
Of hiz withers for a tistula, and look sharpat
both shoulders for a sweeny.
Eleven. Hook him til wagon that rat
ties, drive him up tn an Irishman and hiz
wheelbarrOw, meet rag-merchant with
cOw-bells strung acrost the top ov hiz cart,
let an express train pass him at forty-five
miles tu the hour; when he IL swetty heaye
buffalo robe over him tu keep oph the
cold, ride him with an umbrel highsted, and
learn hiZ Opinyun Ov theze things.
Twelve. Prospekt his wind, sarch dill
gently for the heaves, ask if he il rOarer,
and don't be afraid tn find out if he IL a
whistler.
Thirteen. Be sure that he aint krib-
bitter, aint balky, amt weaver, and don't
pull at the halter.
Theze are few simple things tn be look
ed at in buying good tnRily hOSS; there IL
a CRATE menny other things tn be looked at
[at yure leizure) after you have bought
him.
Good horses are skarse, and good men,
that deal in any kind Ov hOsses, are skarser.
Ask man all about his wife, and he may
tell you examine him cluss for Sunday
school teacher, and find him all on the
square send him tu the New York Legis-
lature, and rejoice that money won't buy
him lend him seven hundred dollars in
the highway without witness or note
even swop dOrgs with him with perfect i'm
punity; but when You buy good family
boss ov him, young, sound and trew, watch
the man cluss, and make up your mind be,
sides that you will hrve to ask the Lord tu
forgive him.
'.An honest man il the nobiest WOrk Of
God" this famous saying waz written, in
great anguish of heart, by the late Alexan-
der Pope just after buying a good family
hOsS.