Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1871-12-02
A Comical Rambler.

urant cuss, who stole my watch on the Blecck-
or street cars in Syracuse, and hearing that an
awful mean-looking fellow had been seen in
Rochester, went there. The watch was one
of Juggernaut's make, and wanted it. On
the way to the depot in Syracuse real nice
little lap-dog jumped over fence and sprang
at me. He weighed more than $40 worth Of
coal in at June prices, and as gaEed down
bis mouth thought Of Jonah. He remarked
to me, Bow, WOW, WOW" and said to him
in pacifying way, !" Nice Teaser, pretty little
Teaser;" !" but lady shouted, "Rover, Rover,
here, Rover" and he left me. Then sho
quietly informed me that l needn't be fright
sned; the dog had had bis dinner and wasn't
hungry.
got into the cars and took seat in juxta-
position 10 female. That females face was
perfect insurance company for hcr-it insur-
ed her against ever getting married to anything
except blind man. Her month looked like
crack in dried lemon, and there vas no moro
expression on her face than there is in the
spinal column in cup Of cold custard. She
appeared as il she had been through one
famine and had got about two-thirds through
another. She was old enough to he great
grandmother to Mary that had the little lamb
She was chewing prize popcorn and carried
in her hand yellow rose, while bandbox and
cotton umbrella nestled by her side. couldn't
guess whether she was on mission Of charity
or going West to start saw-miil. was full
Of curiosity to hear her speak, so | said:
"The exigencies of the times require great
circumspection in person who is travelling"
Says she, What?
Says I, The orb of day shines resplendcnt
in the blue vault above"
She hitched around uneasy like; then she
raised her umbrella and said, " / don't want
none of your sass-git ont )" and got out.
Then I took seat alongside of a male fel-
low who looked like the ghost of Hamlet
heightened out. He was stately cuss, and
he was reading.
Said /, Mister, did you ever sec q camel
leopard ?" l said camel leopard because it is a
pious animal, and never eats any grass with
out getting down on his knees He said he
hadn't seen camel leopard. Then ! said,
do you chew 2"
He said, "No, SIR"
Then said, " How sweet is nature 2"
He took this for a conundrum, and said he
didn't know" Then he said he was deeply
interested in tho history Of great man.
"Alas !" he exclaimed, "we have but fow."
/ told him | knew ono the man that
made my cooking stove was crate man."
Then he asked, would read 2"
Says / What you got?"
lie replied Watts Hymns" "Reveries by
Moonlight" and How to Spend the Sabbath"
/ said, None of them for Hannah" but If
ho had got an unabridged Business Directory
of New York city would take little read.
Then he said, Young man, look at these
gray hairs"
told him saw them, and when q man
got as old as ho was he ought to dye. Said !,
You needn't think thoss hairs are any sign
of wisdom )" it's only sign thss Jour system
lacks iron and advised him to go home and
swallow crobar.
He took this for irony, and what little en-
tente cordiale there was between us was spilled.
1t turned out that he was chaplain to base
ball club.
When we got to Rochester called for
bowl Of bean soup. It ought to be called
lean soup, send you the recipe for making
it; Take lot Of water wash it well, and
boil it until it is brown on both sides; then
very carefully pour one bean into 1t and let it
simmer When the bean begins to get rest
less swesten it with salt, then put it up in air
tight cans, hitch each can TO brick, and
chuck them overheard, and the soup is dono."
Genesee Falls are at Rochester. Sam Patch
made his last jump here. His jump down
was q SUCCESS, but his jump up was failure,
because he never riz. | bet fellow could
tell to quart how much water fell over the
fall in n war Hp het md caid two ninfo IN
quart. won the bet. They settle coffee
with Goldfish skins, but they settled Rochester
with men and women. The only original set
tier who is living died a few years ago.
Rochester is celebrated for Its fine turnouts--
saw very fine turnout to-day wagon up
set and spilled a lot of women. Next Sunday
will be very generally observed here as the
Sabbath. II is not kept wholly. Remember
me to the piece makers. No cards.
JonS.