The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-05-06

Paper and cloth of excellent quality, are now
extensively manufactured in Austria, from sim
pie corn husks.
We are glad that simple corn husks are used.
Complicated husks would not do.
We don't believe word of this:
A Chicago lady attended Nelson's concert in
Boston, and listened with rspt atteation to the
song, "Shells of Ocean," When the western
beauty arrived at her hotel, some asked her what
she thought OF the concert. She took fresh
chew of tobacco, and said, That clam she'll song
was the beauttullest ever heard"
The F.irbury independent is responsible for
the addition of new word to newspaper vo.
sabulary:
We have kept our "Bohemisn' on night work
at the office lately, and he is nearly "petered
out" that he can't "boheme" worth a cent; 80 his
locals are not very numerous this week.
The Augusta (Me) Jourad speaks of raising
pigs as "hoeroulture."
A sign in Red Bank, n. J., reads thus: New
maid and old maid clothing always on hand"
Here is something for old bachelors:
An economical fellow says when his stockings
wear out he sews up the tops straight across
and puts them on his feet the other way, thus
making good fit for square toed boots.
The Aurora He,dId says:
Those who admire the masculine in woman
might have been gratifed by seeing woman
this forenoon driving fiery team through
Broadway, sitting in Il lumber wagon with both
feet leisurey resting on the top of the DASH
board. She WAS blooming maiden of about
twenty, and evidently had enjoyed women's
rights for time, and as We saw her in that
''free and easy" position, we thought OF that
coming woman" We hear SO much about
A wag sdver'ses baby-jumpers as Spring
goods"
One the young men Of Boston is IN sad state
OF mind because vile newspaper there by acct.
dent appended to the announcement Of his mar
rlage a notice that the funeral of the deceased
will take place from his late residence.
A shrill old lady in Memphis, whenever she
loses her scissors, roVses the family with
Where's them shears appeared ia ?"
Milwaukee has got Turkisl bath, and the
citizens are Disgusting themselves by getting
peeled. A editor there took "A bath the other
day and went home, and his wife drove him out
OF doors with club, and he had to go and IN Ike
affidavit that he was her husband. Then she
wouldn't believe it until she had examined his
pocket book and found it empty, as usual, and q
railroad pass inside.
1t y reported that at the laying of the last rail
on the Pittsburg Il Connelsville railroad, the
ether day. Mr.. b. H. L.trobe, chief engineer of
the Baltimore and Ohio was selected to drive
one of the last four spikes. Mr.. Latrobe seized
the sledge aud struck boldly at the spike, and,
1t is said, took just twenty-iour blows to drive
the spike home-!iavng missed it fourteen times
out of twenty four.-C umberlaHd Neos.
An undergraduate at Cambridye, who. the
Rn.t.n ii, g.fI.g
lions ~ his examination paper this: "Why
will not pin stand upon its point Z" olaborately
explained this point thus: !, a pin will not
stand on Its head; much less is it possible that
1T shoald standH on its point. 2. A point,
according to Euclid, is that which has no parts
and no magnitude. A pin cannot stand on that
which has no parts and no magnitude and,
therefore, a pin cannot stand On its point
y. 1t will II you stick it in.
After all the tu.do about Utah, the census
shows an excess of mtle popuiation--SGU more
men than women. This looks as if there was "a
good deal OF Political polygammouing in the out
cry over plur. ribs IPorN.
Brsudreh, the pill man, and Gen. Grant are
worth about two millions vi q HAIRS each.-Er.
change.
Exactly Aud made in both instances by Ego
ing through" other people.-i{eHdcyson WIS.,
Dem0crW.
At Helena, Montana, "a heather Chiuce bought
wife, and took club and drove his old wife
away, aud she has commenced IA suit for divorce.
How quick those people do learn the rudments
lie had heard Of Congressman Bowen. and emu
lated his noble eS ample hoping - he sent to
jail instead.
A frghtiul tail of rn4riae disaster comes iron.
the Wabash Canal The Grcbm Hsjbd sank the
DeHt BcN IN 81 collision, hut the crew of the
wrecked vessel We're taken of by the Yobacoo
Posi-
Grants negro barber i, clerk ia IA. treasury
department, ON Il stIhy at $1,000. Citrh is
good.
A lady advertlses Tor o l.undress who will be
willing TO take her pay IN lessons on the guitar
We hope the Assessor will not fill, this wear,
to spot and assess evJry doG ot high or low de.
gree, aud OF all ages aud sizes, purps included,
III the town ct Ftlmins ton.- lVHmiag!oa lade-
penGcHL
Don't because that would include Cooks new
postmaster in this district. Dog goued il 1t
wouldn't.
cockney travelling ia Florida write. tina,
''the-e blar'tod Yankee, cawu't heven speak
Heng!ish, you know. Ere Ia NJ ,ssachusett
man-Boston hi think--was talking about croco.
diles, Q eaid "thcy were a lively bag and smeit
orriby loud"
Two well dressed ladies were examining
stetuette of Andromedl, labelled executed in |
terra Gotta" "Executed IN terra Gotta" saws
one, where is shat 7" "rm sure don't know. .