Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1871-12-21
Hum orous Readings.

marble Is skipped TO Phisldelpbis.
Humorous Readings.
Bad Form-Stays.
A ball roem-tbe nursery.
Strong ties-Probsbili-ties
Good sauce for clowns-cspers.
The First Person Singulsr-Adsm.
Original Articles-A, an and thee.
Two porcupines make priekly-pair.
Mere matter of form-ftsipg dress.
Juvenile parties-infsnts' bawls.
Mongslisn side-dishes China on-trays.
Macoaboy makers are usually up TO
snuff.
Opera bouffe is merely musical buffoon-
cry.
Song of the fawn-Call me early, moth
er deer.
Profitable mining-Min'ing ones busi-
ness.
Chess-players are undoubtedly pawn.
brokers.
To leap year women can sue as well as
be sued.
The vegetable for hangmen-the srti-
choke.
The Great Unknown-People who nsv.
er advertise.
There's snow news to speak Of from the
Northwest.
Time flies so rapidly that fy-time will
soon roll around.
The locks of the western canals are all
closed with ioe-bolts.
The most unpalatable marmalade is the
jam of a crowd.
1t would be satyr-ical to refer to Pan az
a kitchen musician.
Highdrawlics-The long-drawn accents
of fashionable swells.
It is odd, but true, that most people
sleep hardest on soft beds.
The last thing seen by many people de-
ceased was kerosene.
People who lie under mistake find it
difficult to keep warm.
When is black dog not black dog p
When it's greyhound.
The best opening for a money-mskinp
politicians street opening.
You can't lay wooden pavement on
credit. You must plank down FIRST
Why is the crow brave bird? Be.
cause be never shows the white feather.
A shot from Cupid's bow is like tene-
ment-house stsirs-It's an arrow flight.
Young ladies discover that Alexis is an
attractive but not an engaging man.
To Cooks-You can't make much out
of bad eel, because it is not good deal.
Saving grace-what the embarrassed
banks need to satisfy their depesitors. r
Strict doctrinsrians, like youthful pup
pies, depend much upon their dog-mas.
Dentsted dresses are the latest thing
out. They are peculiarly appropriate for
dentists wives.
1t is difficult to see how, when a heap
Of snow Is fast to the ground, it can be
said to be drift.
Bones fsvors corsets, be says the tighter
hi4 wife lsces, the less likely she is to get
ler back up.
Vagrsnt tribes must be the sanest of
people, since they are pre-eminently &C.
counted as no mads.
The polite bow of Russia is csllnd the
sou-Iou. When Alexis is bland be COOS,
md then his visitors kou-tou.
Why the great Snowman is not a bach
slor-Some gentlewoman took PIT. (pityl
IN Barnum and married him.
E-thetical Prof (inspiredly) "How
would man feel when approaching bis
deal?" Practical student-"Bully.'
Mrs. Buffiu says that our winters must
,e getting brittle. Iu no other way can
he account for cold snaps.
Why did the Highlanders do the most
execution at Waterloo? Because every
nan nd one kilt before the battle
,egan.
A pious Detroit sign which read "No
pirits sold at this fountain" was al
cred by wsg SO as to read, No. l spir-
Is sold at this fountain"
The railway conductor is supposed to
'e temperate. yet when on train be free
y indulgss iu the use of punch, especial
y the ticket punch.
James Parton says the frat question
many women would ask were they SEN
enced to be banged Tomorrow would be,
Have q banging dress p
my DEAR" said young lady to her
country cousin, "when you bave been in
London 8 little longer you won't be SO
,reen." Better green than withered,"
vas the retort.
Marriage is come to be looked on as
uch temporary arrangement in Indiana
hat justices fees for the ceremony have
een reduced to % cents for steady Gus
omers.
A Chinese thus describes a trial in the
English law courts: "One man is quite
ilent, another talks all the time, and
welve wise men condemn the man who
as not said word"
Conundrum intended solely for those
ip; Why is the Czarins Cstbsrine like
aid headed person because her heir is
)rlof.
Revenge is sweet; the young ladies'
obscco society in Waterville, Ne, is off.
1t by the young mems snti-corset sssocis.
ion. The fret seems to compel the sec
nd or at least, il may be said to cause
!.
"Cast iron sinks, all sizes" is the legend
Hartford plumber inscribed "on his
utter wall" "Well, who in thunder (hic)
aid it didn't ?" was the inquiry of an
,ebriated man Of ksin to the plumber
foresaid,
A negro woman was relating her ex.
erience to gaping congregation of her
olor and among other things she said
be had been in heaven. One of the
aides asked her, ''Sister, did you zee any
lacks in heaven ?" "Oh. git outi You