The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1871-05-04
FACT, FUN AND FANCY.

Spring goods-skeleton skirts.
Cold coAfort-eating ice.
The lay of the land-eggs.
The oldest mother-Mrs Necessity.
1t doesn't hurt snuff to pinch it.
A kitchen dresser-Bridget on Sun
day
Honey catches more flies than vinegar.
One hour to-day is worth two to-mor-
row.
To make a hot-bed-set the mattress
on fire.
The forests are in danger when the
wind chops.
The magic mirror-a beautiful face lit
UP with smiles.
A wag advertises baby jumpers as
"Spring goods.
The interpreter make the best no.
tel servants.
A hairy nothing-the result of boy 5
first shave
Ii is more noble to make yourself great
than 10 be bofn rich.
DO write and fear not is what the
girls say to their correspondents.
Why is the world like a piano? be-
cause it is full of sharps and flats.
Adding insult to injury-trusting
man, and then asking him to pay you.
Why are dissipated young men like
stars? Because they sun tiU-late
The right kind of timber for castles in
the air--sunbeams.
Strong passions work wonders when
there is stronger reason to curb them.
Death and the sun have this in COM
mon--few can gaze at them steadily.
The light Of the world comes biefy
from two sources: the sun and the stu
dents lamp.
Why are bees commercial fraternity :?
Because they cell their honey.
WHY'S newspaper like an army :?
Because It has leaders, columns and re-
views.
A lady down east lately discarded her
sailor lover because he ''hugged the
shore"
A Portland youth has sued his barber
for cutting off his mustache. The barber
says he didn't see it.
BY what means can bliss be made pain
full? Drop one letter and add three, and
bliss becomes blister.
The last demand of the women move
ment is, that they may sing bass.
WHY not?
Whatever Midas touched was turned
anto gold. In these days, touch man
with gold and he'll turn into anything.
When Daniel Webster was advised not
to enter the legal profession because it
was already crowded, he replied, There
is room at the top"
Tho New Orleans Times announces ::
Col. James has recently introduced a
new regulation in the peuitentiary. Here
after ali prisoners must be washed before
they are ironed
The earth is said to be growing small
Ter. In two thousand millions of years
1t will be as small as Rhode Island, where
they are unable to shoot woodcocks with
the finest of bird shot for fear of shootins
into scme other state.
''How much did he leave ?" inquired
gentleman of wag, on learning of the
death ola wealthy citizen. Everything, >
responded the wag he didn't take ;
dollar with him.
A wealthy widow, advertising for al
agent, was overwhelmed with applica
tions, as the type by mistake made it g;
gent.
A Persian philosopher. being aske,
by what method he acquired so nue.
knowledge, answered: by not bein
prevented by shame from asking ques
tions when was ignorant.
An individual who was puzzled t
know where all the Smiths came. from
has at last solved the mystery. At Wat
erbury, Conn.,, on long factory, appear
sign inscribed, Smith Manufacture
Company"
A transparent Hiberian wanted
friend to discount note. IF advanc
this, said the lender, Twill you pa
your note punctualy?" ST will, on m
honor, replied the other, ''the e,
pense Of the protest AID all"