Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1871-03-06
Remnants by Josh Billings.

Customs are like greaSe-they make emmy
thing slip eazy
There IL sum things that kant be counter6t-
ted-a blush is one ov chem.
Goodness IL jiSt az much oy study az
luathumaticks IT,
If a man expeckts tew be very virtewous he
lnlstin't mix too mutclr with the world, nor
too mulch with himself neither
There IL more deviltry in the world than
there IL ignorance.
The people who acktually deserve tew hv
their lives over agin are the very ones who don't
want to do it,
The richest man ov all IL he who haz got
but little, bu t haz got ali he wants
Natur makes all the noblemen wealth,
edukashun, nor pedigree, ever made one
Yet.
When man duz me favor l alwus try
tew remember it, and when he duz me an in
jury, alwus try tew forget it-ifi don't,
ought to.
If a man IL honest he may not alwus be in
the right, but he kan never be in the wrong,
Crate takers are generally CRATE liars, for
them who talk 80 much, must sooner or later
run out ov the truth, and tell what they
don't EnO
don't bet there " emmy sich thing as
perfektly good man, or perfektly bad man.
kno ov enny quantity ov people whose vir
tew are at the mercy ov other folks, who are
good simply for the repu tashun ov it, who
haven't got emmy more real appetite tew their
conscience than a klam haz
have studdyed mi own karakter and nj
own impulses for 80 years clussly, and kant
tell to-day Ito save = bet) whether am an
honest and trew man or motif there iz emmy
body who knows about this matter wish they
would address NE letter, enclosing postage
blister.
There are no sekts nor religious disputes
among the heather: they all of them cook
missionary the same way.
One crate reason viii Jordan is sich ruff
road tew travel" IL because almost every boldly
works inside ov their own lot, and lets the
turnpike take care ov itself
There IL lots of folks who expekt tew escape
he'll just bekause the crowd IL SO CRATE that are
going there.
Every man makes hiz own pedigree, and the
best pedigree IL clean conscience.
To be gentleman-git ritch and keep hoss
aud buggy.
VirteW in poor man IL looked upon az Il
Jewel in a tud's noze.
The man who IL tyrant III hlz household IL
al abjekt cuss amung his equals.
After man IL fairly born the next CRATE
blessing IL square deth.
Virtew IL like strength no man kan tell how
mutch he has got ov it till he Gums akrsst sum-
thing he kant lift
Thay cum tew the konkluson that what ever
boldly prizes wants cluss watching.
Thar IL menny folks who are like mules the
only way tew their atfecshuns IL thru the KIND
ness of klub.
There. aint but phew people Who know how
to Civ gifts, and the number who know how to
receive them IL less
The strongest propensity in woman > natur
IL to want to know Whats going, on! and
the next strongest il tow boss the job.
Skorn not the day ov little things, tor thare
IL no man in this world SO CRATE but what sum
one kan do him favor, or an injury.
Thare is one witness that never IL guilty o'
perjury, and that is the conscience.
Thare IL sich thing as being alwuz too
miss ralerode train by being thare half an
hour too soon
A FLORIDA SpRrNG.-The Palatka Herald
thus describes one Of the natural attractions OF
Florida:
Silver Spring is one of the greatest. curiosi-
ties in the South. 1t bursts forth in the midst
of the most fertile country in the State. 1t
bubbles up in a basin near one hundred feet
deep and about an acre in extent, and sending
tram it deep stream sixty to one hundred feet
wide, and extending six or eight miles to the
Ockawaha river In the spring itself Fifty boats
may lie at anchor-quite feet. The spring
thus forms natural inland port, to which
three steamers now run regularly from the st.
Johns, making close connections with the
ocean steamers at Palatka. The clearncSs OF
the water is truly wonderful. 1t seems even
uure transparent than air; you see the bottom,
eighty feet below the bottom OF your boat, the
exact form of the smallest pebble, the outline
and color of the leaf that has sunk, and all the
prisrnatic colors of the rainbow are reflected;
Large fish swim in it, every scale visible and
every movement distinctly seen. If you 60
over the spring in boat you will see the hs-
>ures in the rocks, from which the river pours
upward like an inverted cataract.
THEATRES the prominent ' len
nese theatrical manager and dramatic author,
is building a new Stadt theatre in Vienna,
which will cost $4OO, 900 when finished. The
whole Of this sum is raised by subscriptions tor
private boxes and for reserved seats. The
boxes cost $l2, ,OOU each and the reserved seats
$3.50 each They become the perpetual pro-
nerty of the holders and their descendants.
One Of the rules of the house will be that no
one will he permitted to enter unless 1t Is posi-
ble to furnish him with seat
The Washington Republican says:
I'VE understand that a New York company
for some time past have been making arrange
ments to erect u grand theatre IN TINS Guy; II
Is said they are negotiating lot sIle oM =.
teeth street, which the owners are wilitE ~ ~
subscribe AZ stock, or sell the ground to them
tnr SlVO, 900, and to let the principal remain
as AN Investment for a number Of years ana the
COMPANY paving only the interest. The oulid
Ing is to be hre-proof, with massive stone
trunt