Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1871-09-05
~ Sorts.

"A paper having had an article headed
with the conundrum, Why do wives
fade ?" a contemporary "supposes 1t Is be-
cause they won't wash"
The man who shot and killed a boy
in his mellon patch, when called to ac-
count for the deed, said he did it in mercy
to the boy, who otherwise might have died
painful death from cholera mOrbus.
"A yankee in England being annoyed by
the constant boasting as to the superiority
of the English girls, finally silenced laud-
alton by declaring that" they had a gal in
Boston only eleven years old who could
chew gum in seven different languages
with her eyes shut.
An elderly fat gentlemen, in discus
sing warm breakfast at an inn, called to
the waiting boy: "Donald, bring me more
bread; [ eat Il good deal Of bread to my
stake" Donald answered, with much SIM
plicity, .Ay, please your honor and you
eat a good deal of steak to your bread.
"A school-teacher asked new boy
"Who male the glorious universe y but
the boy could not tell, so the teacher got a
rawhide and told the boy if he didn't tel!
he would whip him. Theboy looked at the
whip andsniyelled out, t,"Please, sir, did;
but | went do it again"
An artist, showing his pictures to
customer, received the followingshort re-
tort: "WelI, don't think much Of this"
holding up the picture before him.
Don't think much of it! Why, that's a
very rare print indeed, Sir" "Rare :
I've no doubt it is rare. 1t certainly is
not well DONE"
The experiment OF employing conf.
pressed air rs y power is to be tested IN
Brunswick, according 10 the Telegraph
The experiments in Portland are spoken
of as IN entire success. If the power
can be applied at u long distance from
the wheel used to compress the air, (and
the inventor says it cam there IS hardly
any limit to which the water power may
not be applied to set machinery in mo.
ton. What a revolution may be wrought.
"A clergyman who owned farm found
his plowman sitting On his plow resting
his horses. Quoth the clergyman: :John,
wouldn't it be a good plan for you to
have a good stub scythe here, and be cut
ting few bushes along the fences while
the horses are resting short time?"
"Wouldn'tit be well, sir" said John, "for
you to have a tub of potatoes in the pull
pit, and when they are singing, peel 'em
awhile to be ready for the pot"
The unpleasant odor produced by
perspiration is frequently the source Of
vexation to persons who are subject to it.
Nothing is simpler than to remove this
odor much more effectually than by the
application of such costly unguents and
perfumes as are in USE 1t is only necessa-
ry to procure some of the compound spir-
its of ammonia, and place about two table
spooufuls in a basin Of water. Washing
the face, hands and arms with this, leaves
the skin as clean, sweet and fresh as one
could wish. The wash is perfectly harm
less.
The well-coHducted family y newspaper is
not treatise for the few. 1t is a gauntlet
of suggestions, perpetually recurring. 1t
meets the great want of busy age. 1t
takes busy men on the wing, when no time
could be given for bringing up the ponder
GUS volume. 1t reaches, therefore, the
million and benefits the mass, by the
perennial current of vital suggestions
which, more or less, must find lodgment
in the minds and hearts Of multitudes OF
readers, and start them vigorously onward
in the course of far higher and still high
er attainment. The well.conducted family
newspaper is the garden of seedling-the
nursery-which can supply an entire col.
ony, and set them upon the cultivation Of
their own farms and gardens.