Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1871-08-24
WHAT'S IN A NAME !

Jchiu| Hittershrub was not a happy
man. Was not a coSnomcn like that
enough to distcmpcr the most eQuable
disposition that the world ever saw, and
make a man weep at the recollection OF
his godfather.
lie did not believe that rose by any
other name would smell as sweet and he
thought very hardly Of fate, destiny or
whatever it was tnat labeled him 50 hide
ously
Jchial had more than once contemplate
cd the execution Of some daring and afro
cious deed that, in the doubtful event of
his not being hanged, would cntitlc him
to al alias for all time.
But better angel in the person Of Mrs.
Bittcrshrub had put such sanguinary and
bitter thoughts to flight.
Now, don't be IA fool, j. b." she was
wont to say, with d very lively color, at
the breakfast table, as her spouse secuted
at the obnoxious address of his thin and
suspicious letters. IF l, Matilda Words
worth, could stand up and be married to a
Bittershrub, I'm sure you don't care for
the whole world besides"
"Ive half notion to write to hat old
mean FortcsIuc to keep his contemplate
bills to himself, that you shan't pay any
then shant open his answer, either"
A tailor in Little George street, with
such an aristocratic appellation as For
tcsquc daring to send uuns twice week
with a mocking irony in the formation of
every letter in the horrible name of his
debtor"
Sitting high and dry on an oflice-stool,
before an ocean OF freshly sent, unsettled
accounts one day in early June-in fact
the very day which had fetched the last
offensive cpi>tlc from the pAtrician tailor
MIR. Bittershrub tancicd that he could
SIN, II news in the varied assortment Of
letters ON his desk (his nurse, Betsy
Simpson, had remarked often when j. g.
Was an infant, that ne was prophet, and
knew her from anybody else just as easy
as pOssible), with that acuteness and bril-
liant perception which characterized his
nature Mr. Bittershrub arrived at the
Identical orange colored envelope, with
the huge, old fashioned wafer, that con-
tanned the whole matter.
1t began in this wise, in very cram ped
but plain hand, under date only week
old:
OUR DEAR NEPHEW: Feeling that we have not
in The course Of nature many years to live, a.! d
may perhaps never again realize an opportunity
to visit you and your wife, we write accordingly
by an carly post, to know whether or no we
should be welcome at your house few weeks
during the summer; If so please write to tha
effect ut once. Our respects to Matilda-though
we suspect she is agiddy, thoughtless young thing,
and not fit for poor mans Wife-and Dt a
liberal share OF affection yourself. From your
aunts, CLAKlssAand ELMIKA BITTERsHRUB.
"Whew! - was the ejaculation, this un.
expected cpis,le evoked in a prolonged
whistle from the graceless nephew of the
aforesaid Ciarissi. and Elmira Bittershrub,
as with IA look Of suspicion and amaze
ment he sprang down from his elevated
position on the cane bOttOmed stool, and,
jerking his hat from peg, left the Office
in care Of his ChOre boy, and prepared for
a good run homc-it was at least mile
from the cnterprising town Of Hopevilc-
through dense forest to his modest rcd
brick home, with dove colored blinds, and
| brass knockcr, but the surprised and
rartly indignant Jehial made very good
time indeed.
Here's a 60, Tilly, said Mr.. Bitter
shrub, bursting in noisily on that lady,
who sat rocking to and fro very conlpl&-
Gently by shady west window, engaged
in knitting an anti-macassar of an elabO-
rate pattern Of white and red cotton, for
her husbands favorite easy chair.
Mrs. }. Is. was a very cool little woman
not a bit tlustery, and so she dropped
the anti-macassar in her lap, but continued
to rock gently, while dcvouring the brief
but to the point, letter, which had caused
such revolution in the back room of the
tallow and hide establishment where J. B.
spent the better part OF his life.
"a pretty kettle Of fish, indeed" snorted
Mr.. Bittcrshrub, tangling his feet in the
tidy cotton; II should like to know who
the deuce they area couple of old fash
ioned bodies, dare say, who will insist on
having everything their own way, to say
nothing Of the Maltese cats and swearing
parrots, VIC may expect, and DO end to the
reticules and band boxes -" Hullo, Ma
tilda-" "Wcll, I'm sure, Jchial, that
that IL have been a good wife to you,
dear-whatever they may say. Haven't
Il"
Down went the half finished antimacas-
ser, and up went Jchial's large, awkward
hands to smooth the glossy, brown head,
b. Mt low in trouble and atfiictivn
"Thc mean old wretchcs! I shall go
right oil, lilly, and tell them We haven t
hole or Granny to put them in. | couldn't
bear them, know, especially after speak
ing so OF my wife, whom they never saw
How should they know what sort of q
wife you had made mel"
lilly slniled again directly. "You are
too rash, Jthial, about everything. sup.
pose your aunts feel naturally an interest
in your welfare, and are, perhaps, afraid
you have not in marrying formed good
or trusty alliance. am glad they care
enough about you to say even what they
have, aid | dare say they arc old and
childish snilic" hat, and perhaps would
like me very well att.r u few days &C
quaintance. No, you shall not write them
any such thing about there being no room
with three nice bed rooms going to
moths and spiders upstairs. Wait until
eatimc, and we viii see what we Gun do"
The result of the tca-times counsel was
a very atfcCtipnately- invitation to
the two old ladies to visit the young people
at Hopevllle and remain as long as they
chose, signed by both namts, il hiul and
Matilda Dtttcrshrub.
AS the earth does not stand still, neither
diu the old yellow coach long at time,
that used to travel twice week from
Boston to IIoprvi]le, and which did
eventually, one rainy day in carly July,
stop at the door OF jarrett & s,uclcI,er,
hide and tallow factors, and deposit two
queer little Old ladies in black satin
dresses an muslin turbans aud the awful
array "i predicted lrumlmly ",ih esp h,xrS,
hut NJ cats or parrots, to thci: u:; 'I,:w 5
! supreme delight.
The two grave whitc-haircd little ladies'
greeted 'J.hial's wife courtcouSy, though
a little coldly. Early in the afternoon they
were left solely to the awkward nephew s
care, with. hints for him to make Himself
agreeable, and something more to the
ELECT that hc could show them the young
hens and gooscbcrry hedge il he liked
The house witcly Matilda being busily en-
gagged in tho culinary Department., in an
incredibly short time the appctizing sup
per was set in homely but shining dishes
in the dining room, whose one window
with snowy curtain disclosed the tall
climbing roses and four o'clocks below in
the gar len.
MIR. Bltcrshrub was proudcr, if any
thing, OF his wife that evening than ever
/ cV; ryt.lilg was SO nice, aud she WAS so
bright and fresh, i'll her plain dotted lawn,
and Il knot of cherry ribbons at her throat,
and vrrhcna to match, tucked in between
tao truant wisps Of the brown hair, that
would iall down on the plump shoulder,
and he knew that she had worked so hard
that his aunts would hc pleased with her.
Suddenly, Miss Elmira, the elder and
uuccIcst Of the two old ladies, said very
sharply: II think, Clarissa, you had better
not eat another help of this short cake ;
you know thick, sad crust always gives us
both dyspepsia, and thing tho berries are
u little too ripe"