Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1871-10-14
Revenue.
BY p. O. MUKKLuHx.

4 4.
It's well-known fact that revcnae has an
army of assessors, collectors, inspectors, as
sistants clerks, special agents. etc., in each dis
trict, whose dutyit is to see that " Uncle Sam"
Is not cheated out of a single cent Of bis just
1--WE guess it's jnsil deserts, and that the COM
bined salaries of these officers is about equal
to the amount of revenue they collect.
A friend relates the following little story"
for the truthfuncss OF which VIC will not
vouch:
I am what some people ignorantly call
drummer" In other words, I'm travelling
clerk for the "Great North American Tool and
Agricultural Implement Manufacturing Com
papy," and, as matter Of course, in my pcrc-
grinations over the country, meet with some
strange adventures.
One evening drove into the little village Of
Smithvils, Tennessee, and stopped before a
nice looking cottag', with tie owner Of which
l thought might be able to strike trade
as the surroundings indicated that skilledand
enterprising hand had charge Of them.
shouted "hello," and was answered by the
proprietor in person. stated my business in
as glowing terms as possible, and woundup by
asking him il he wished anything in my line.
"Wcll, no" bo replied, "you see, I'm AS
SCISSOR of Internal revenue for this district, and
my duties are such that have no time for
anything else"
Perhaps your neighbor over there" said !,
pointing across the way, "would buy few
articles
"He? He's Assistant Assessor Of Internal
Revenue for this district and II requires oil his
time to attend to bis duties, guess hc wouldn't
buy anything"
"Who lives in the next house down there 2"
Inquired hopefully.
"Mr. Smith, Collector Of Internal Revenue
for this district He has no time for farming,
and, Of course would buy nothing in that line
"Maybe that the>owner Of that fine man
sion on the hill, yonder," replied !, solmcnly,
would take few of our agricultural impe-
ments, as everything around him indicates"
"Oh, no |" said he interrupting me; shes
assistant collector Of Internal Revenue for this
district, and if he had all tho farming implc-
ments in the world he wouldn't have time to
use 'em!"
"Does anybody else live In this town. |
asked, desparingly; for no other houses wcro
visible.
Eyes" was the reply. :" Mr.. Jones lives
Just beyond the hill yondcr, but ho is lnspec-
tor of Internal Revenue for this district, and
is never at home"
Thunder and lightuingI r said I, warmly !;
" does the revenue department live hero? Is
there blacksmith in this place? II there is,
maybe he would like some Of our TOOLS"
Dir. Simmons was our blacksmith, but hc
received the appointment Of assistant lnspec-
tor Of Internal Revenue for this district last
week, and in consequence Of which he has
closed his shop for the present"
9" Is there man in this village who is not
connectul with the informal Revenue Of this
4
districtT"
asked this lue ticn as sarcafticaly as posi-
ble and with faint-very glimmerDg
Of hope.
"Wcll, yes, there's the postmaster but he
Is expecting to receive commission rs lnspec-
tor Of Brandies aid Whskies for this district,
think it useless to 20 TO him."
Where Is the hotel 2" asked, dlsgusted.
ave have nonc-it has been changed 10 a
Bonded Warehouse for this district"
"Do you collect enough revenue in this Dis
trict to pay yourselves,' asked for iDforma-
ton this time.
a. No, Sir, we do not but other districts coll
lect moro than enough Their surplus is APP
propriatsd to fll our deficiency. Thus things
are equalized."
"Don't you see the philosophy Of it3-
What wouldthc government be without rcye-
nue. y
GOOD evening, SIR" He left aud so did j.
Up to this time have failed 10 see the phi
loSopby of it,"