Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-11-21
La:2ecE for HaI21sO7.lsts.

Clergymen, like brakemen, do good deal Of
coupling.
"Astor and [, - said New York boot black,
ARE worth millions"
An exchange asks, "Where is Smith, We
think the right answer is Everywhere.
In conversation, wise man may be at loss
how to begin, but fool never knows how to
stop.
Another poor girl has died in Virginia from
the use OF tobacco, at the age of 100. She
was an orphan.
Now that the embroidered sack has become
the rage, the young ladies devoutly pray: Give
US this day our daily braid.
A Memphis paper announces that the Young
ladies' OF that city are preparing for married
lie by practising In gymnasium.
1t is stated that when the King of Siam feels
ike having little field sport he shoulders his
rifle and goes for the missionaries,
A Georgia laundress of color wept because
some paper collars which she tried to renoyate
done wash all to finders for true
Out West, candidates have way of declar-
ing that they will play seven-up on one anoth-
er coffin before the campaign is over.
Vermont clergymen are allowed to roll ten
pins without their characters being Altered. -
Their wives are also used to rolling pins.
A Missouri lady advertised for the person
who is in the habit of serenading her to stand
nearer the house so that she can scald him.
Bad Pennsylvania boys ask the usher for a
seat in church, and while he is solemnly march
ing down the aisle they silently steal away"
The reported earthquake at Providence is at
trlbuted by the Norwich Bulletin to oorpulent
citizen on the border of the State falling ont of
bed
A story is told Of person asking o.
whether he would advise him to lend lother
friend money. What, lend hin certain
might give him an emetic, ar money You
turn it. i he wouldn' re-
gyman to amor srequested London cler-
among the ar ace that ''if Dr. Leach was
the clerg- .dIence he was urgently wanted, !"
may q lyman added from sympathy land
eod have mercy on the poor patient ~
A man at camp meeting out West boasted
that he had been married twenty-five years,
during which time he had never given his wife
cross word or look He forgot to tell his
hearers that he dared not to do the one or the
other.
Another way.-Mamma: "Now, Herbert,
if you're naughty | shall have to punish you,
and you will find | shall not spare the rod and
spoil the child. Herbert-"Oh, mamma,
hadn't you better spare the child and spoil the
rod p
A young married man was remarking to some
ladies that it was always the women who ran
after the men, when his wife Indignantly said,
you know, my dear, [ never ran after you
THAT may be-" he replied, ''but you took
mighty good care not to get out of the way"
They obtain their wisdom in solid chunks out
in Missouri A husband out there, his wife
having applied for divorce, wrote protest to
the judge, in which he said I: 'sDon't you
grant her, boss. In my opinion this burned
thing called deyoce has parted many man an
his wife.
a clergyman in Iowa has made new depar-
ture IN the matter Of ''hitching up folks
He has swept away the old established rules of
marrying for a fee, and announces that he shall
hereafter marry by weight charging four cents
per pound for the happy man and two cents
for the bride.
Horace relates, as his experience, that ora-
nary two-hundred- per- cent protected pig-iron,
ii properly treated, will work up into splendid |
hogs; but if you are particular about the curl |
of the TAIL as all artistic porkraisers should be-
YOU must add TO each hundred weight of iron
two gun-barrelS to make the twist come. |
Horace Greeley, in recent lecture on agri
culture, advanced the novel idea that In grow
ing plug tobacco liquorice should be nut into
every hi that the plugs might, when thew
blow out have kind Of sweet taste. He also /
asserts that fne-cut will not ripen well unless
the tin-foil is stripped from the growing buds
early in the spring, and that plug tobacco ought
to be knocked off the trees with clubs. instead
of being picked by haud.'
-------- -..;-z |
The following is the salutatory of an Oregon
editress: 1--WE have served regular appre-
ticeship at workiDg-at washing, scrub IL
patching, darning, ironing, plain sewiv ong
ing babies, milking, churning, and ag, rails
ing. We have kept boarders, .,oultry rails
taught music, written for the Taught school
speeches and "a" "-:c,a one- newspapers, made
aross-making bEsi' "a extensive millinery
and oress 4Sat tbs .Aess We can prove by
the PUBIC 'n@. 80 work has been we'll done.
Now haVlng ~ 10 ned the age of thirty six, and
having OroGsD : up family of boys to set type,
ana a daug' ter to run the millinery store, We
propose o edit and publish newspaper, and
we lpt,end to establish it as one of the perma-
Lent institutions of the country"
----e
A LATE APoLoGY.-A Texas exchange tells
story OF party of surveyors, who stopped
one night at a log cabin on the Brazos. Their
hostess soon afterward invited them to supper,
in their coffee.
Yes they replied.
Make mine very sweet" said one.
''And mine. too," said another.
The lady smilingly acknowledged the wishes
of each Of her guests, and proceeded to pour
out the coffee. Suddenly stopping, she looked
gravely around the table, and said
eBut, gentlemen, hain't got bit of SUI
It is needless to say they took coffee without
sweetenng