The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-09-14
The Conquest Of America.
From the indianapolis News.

|
The following is supposed to have
been written in 1892 by Max Adclcr,
who was q witness of the terrible
scenes which occurred at the time Of
which the story tells. The English
satire, "Thc Battle of Dorking," sup
piled the suggestion for this tale:
You ask me to tell you, my chill
dren, of the events which Immediate
ly preceded the destruction Of tho
once great American Union, and the
capture of the country by the present
European rules, and to say some
thing also of the cause which led to
these deplorable results. l UNDER
take the task with heavy heart, for
when l revert to that terrible time
l cannot help contrasting our proud
condition up to that fatal year with
the humiliating position occupied
now by the American people. The
story is short one. In the fall of
1872 Horace Greeley, the editor of q
newspaper in New York, was elected
President Of the United States. The
people voted for him because they
thought he was an honest man.
And SO he was. But he was
also vain and weak, and he entertain
cd certain fanOtical and prcpostcrous
notions-about agricultural matters,
for instance-which he was determine
ed to force upon the people at all
hazards, and despite all opposition.
lie believed, among other things,
that every man ought to 60 to the
West to earn his bread, and long be-
fore he was chosen President he
used to advise everybody to move to
that region, as q cure for all the dis
astcrs that could bcfall the human
family.
AS soon as he reached the Exccu-
tive Mansion, which we used to call
the White House, President Greeley
organized an army Of 100000 men,
and proceeded to force the entire
population Of the seaboard States
westward at the point of the bayo-
net. The utmost violence was used.
Those who resisted were shot down
and their dead bodies were carried
off to a national factory which the
President had established for max
ing some kind of tantastical fertilizer.
All the large cities of the East were
dcpopulatcd, and the towns were en-
tircly empty. The army swept be-
fore it millions Of men, women, and
children until the plains west of Kan
sas were reached, when the pursuit
ceased aud the army was drawn up
in q continuous line with orders to
shoot any person who attempted to
visit the East. OF course, hundreds
of thousands Of these poor creatures
pcrishcd from starvation. This
seemed to irighicn President Gree
ley, and he sent message to Con-
grcss recommending that 100000 vol
umes Of book ofhis, ,,cntitlcd "What
| Know About Farming" should
be voted for the relief ofthc starving
sufferers. This was done, and farm
ing implements and seeds were sup
piled, and then the millions of
wrctchcd outcasts made an effort to
till the ground. Ofthc result of this
| will speak further on.
in tho meantime the President was
doing infinite harm to the country in
another way. His hand writing was
so fearlully and wonderfully bad that
no living man could read it. And
SO when he sent his first annual mes
sage to Congrcss-thc document was
devoted wholly to the tariff and agri,
culturl-a sentence appeared which
subsequently was asccrtaincd to be
Large cultivation Of rutabagas and
beans is the only hope Of the Amer
can nation, l am sure" The prin-
ters not being able to interpret this,
put it in the following form, in which
it went to the world: "Thc Gar of
Russia couldn't keep clean ifhc wash
cd himself with the whole Atlantic
Ocean once dayw This pervcr-
sion of the message was Immediate
ly telcgraphed to Russia by the Rus
sian Minister, and the Gar was so
indignant that he Immediately de-
clarcd war.
Just at this time President Gree
ley undertook to write some letters
to Prince Bismarck upon the subject
of potato rot, and after giving his
singular views at great length, he
concluded with statement that if
the Emperor William said that sub.
soil plowing was not good in light
soils, or that guanO was better than
bone dust, he was q ''liar, n william
and slavcw OF course the Empcr-
or Immediately declared war, and
became an ally of Russia and of
England, against which latter coun-
try Mr.. Greeley had actually begun
hostilitics already, because tho Queen
in her speech from the throne, had
declared the Ii1bunC's advocacy of
tariff on pig iron inccndiary, and
calculated to disturb the peace of ma
tiOns.
Unhappily, this was not the full
measure of our disasters. The Pres.
i!cnt had sent to the Emperor of
Austria a copy of his book "NNhat |
know" &c, with his autograph upon
II nylcaf The Emperor mistook the
signature for carlo .turc of the
Austrian eagle, and he heartily
joined in the war against tile United
States; while France was provoked
to the same act by the fact that when
the French minister came to call
upon Mr.. Greeley TO present his crc-
dcntials, the President, who was
writing an editorial at the time, not
comprchcndihg the French language,
mistook the ambassador for bcg-
gar, and without looking up handed
him quarter and an order for n
clean shirt, and said to him, $50 West
youn gman-gO West
SO all these nations Joined in max
ing war upon the United States.
They swoopcd down upon our coasts, |
and landed without opposition, for
these exposed portions of our un-
happy country were absolutely de-
serted. The President was afraid to