Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1871-02-07
AFTER CATS.
THE ADVENTURES OF MR. OLIVER IN PURSUIT
OF VENGEANCE &c


The fact that Mr. Oliver lived in uniform
row Of houses in the fourteenth ward was the
reason why he was so unfortunate. One moon
light night last week the noise made by the
cats on the roof was simply awful Mr.. Oil
yer lay in bed trying in vain to get to sleep,
grinding his teeth with rage, until at last the
uproar overhead became unendurable Mr..
Oliver crep5 out Of bed softly, SO that his wife
would not be awakened. He put on his slip
pers, seized boot with each hand, and, clad
in the snowy robes of night, he opened the
trap-door and emerged upaaa the roof There
were thirty OF, forty cats 0dt there holding a
kind OF general meeting In the cool of the day,
enjoying the braclng air and singing glees. As
Mr.. Oliver approached, the cats moved over to
the next roof Mr Oliver advanced and flung
boot at them. They then adjourned sudden
~ the next residence. Mr.. Oliver projected
another boot. and went over after the first one.
In this manner the synod retreated and Mr.
Oliver advanced until the last row Of twenty
houses was reached when the cats arranged
themselves In line along the rapet, ruffled
up their fur, curved their spines and spat furi-
ously at Mr.. Oliver. That bold warrior gath
cred up his. boots and determined to retreat -
He walked over a dozen houses and descended
through trap door. He went down stairs to
his bedroom and opened the door, There was
man 10 the room in the act of walking up and
down with baby.
Before Oliver had recovered from his amaze
ment, the man Hung the baby on the bed and
selling revolver began firing rapidly at Oil
yer. ltthen dawned upon Oliver that he had
come down the wrong trap-door He proceed
ed up stairs again suddenly, the man with the
revolver practlcing at him in painful manner.
When Oliver reached the door, he shut the trap
quickly and stood upon it. The man fred thro'
the boards twice, and then hooked the door
upon the inside. A moment after Oliver heard
him springing a watchmans rattle from the
front window. AS soon as the neighbors knew
there was man on the roof, they all few ND
STAIRS and fastened their trap-doors and Mrs
Oliver fastened hers, with the firm conviction
that some predatory william had entered while
she slept and stole her Oliver. When he tried
the door 1t was fast, and Mrs. Oliver was veil
ing SO hereby that he could not make himself
heard. by tins time the street was filed with
policemen, all of whom were blazing awav at
him with reVoivers, while the young men in
sne houses across the street kept up steady
hre with pistols, shot-guns and miscellaneous
missiles. Oliver, with every ADVANTAGE for
forming an opinion, said that GETTYSBURG was
mere skirmish to it. He hid behind Chin
ney and lay up against the bricks to keen him
self warm, while the policemen stationed them
serves All around the square to capture him
spouts But Oliver did. not slide. ~ "'''''
He sat out on the roof all ni~'4
bitter air cIrculatin" -
.nrough his too trifing
s..uenIs. listening to the yowing cats and the
occasional shouts from the picket-line below,
and thinking of the old Jews, who used to pray
from their house-tops, and wondering it Mus
sulmen were ever shot at or bothered with cats
and policemen when they practiced their even
ing devotions on their roofs And then he
wondered how it would do to take off his night
shirt and wave it over the edge as a token of
surrender He concluded not to, because of the
danger of bullet from some misguided po-:
liceman not familiar with the rules of war
When daylight came, the neighbors rallied in
crowd, armed with all kinds of weapons from
howitzers down, andmounted to the roof o.
liver was taken down and put to bed, and he
now has more influenza for man of his size
than any other citizen of the fourteenth ward
He says be is going to move as soon as he gets
well-he is going to move into house that is
next door to nobody-a house that stands in
the middle of prairie.