Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1871-04-06
Wit and Humor.

CARPETS are bought by the yard, and
worn by the foot.
QUEBE-Can a man eating dates be
said to be consuming time
WHATEVER Midas touched was turn
ed into gold. In these days, touch q
man with gold and he'll turn into any
thing.
A VERY particular swain sent his
marriage to the paper with the addi-
ton, ." No Cardamons' He said he de-
spised Authorizations.
! An impudent youngster came very
near getting his ears boxed the other
night at wedding party for wishing
the bride ''many happy returns of the
day"
DO you think that raw oysters are
healthy 2" asked lady to her physian.
Yes" he replied, 81 never knew one
to complain of being out of health in
my life. ("
"MY DEAR asked John, on observ-
lug new striped hose ON his only heir,
''why have you made barbar's poles of
Ernest's legs?n Because he's little
shaver" was the reply.
A LADY in London got the idea into
her head that the devil was in her, and
hung herself. If women go to hanging
themselves for little thing like that,
they are going to be very scarce, that's
ALL
OLD Moneybags says that girl with
AN income of three thousand dollars
year or more is always an object of in
- l.o,o,,oo IL, hoe oo x..,ch ,.r,,,
cipaL
Madam" once said an adept to his
partner at whist, who aske1 his opinion
of her play, expecting a compliment,
"you PLAYED one card quite correctly;
that was the last"
A THREE year old. who frequently
heard the word "Amen" at church, one
day asked, Mother, why don't you
say amen ~" Why should say amen "
questioned the mother. "Why, to
stop the prayer!"
THE coal troubles remind us of an
old story. Scene, Boston; time, morn
ing . Is it cold, Billy9', VERY
cold, father" "Is the cutters froze,
Billyl" VERY hard, father"
I" Dear, dear! Put up the coal two
pence a pail, Billy. God help the
poor!'
A LITTLE girl in West Virginia, bust
~ engaged working pair of slippers
for birthday gift to her father, said
to one of her playmates: 81 think
you are real lucky, for your papa has
got only one leg, and you needn't work
but one.
\ LADY was looking at the beautiful
chrome of 1.-The Birthplace of Whit
tier" when a bystander remarked that
it was painted by Thomas Hill ''Oh,
yes, she replied; 81 think he must be
a great artist. He painted the Yo
Cemeteries ~
Il MEANT to have told you of that
hole" said gentleman to his friend
who was walking with him in his gar
den, and stumbled into a pit full OF
water " No matter" said the friend,
blowing the mud and water out of his
mouth, Eve found it"
\ GENTLEMAN learned in the origin Of
social customs was asked what was the
meaning of the custom of throwing ar
old shoe after a newly-married couple
as they started on their trip. Said he
40 indicate that the chances of mat
rimony are very slippery"
A GOOD story is told of German
shoemaker 1T Utica, who having made
pair of boots for gentleman whose
financial integrity he doubted, made
the following reply to him when he
called for the article: der poots isl
not quite done, but der bill ish made
out.
A CONNECTICUT Democrat sent hii
son to New York to complete his educa
+ ton. After a short time the son wrote
to his father that he vas studying
Horace" On learning this the pa
ternal parent wrote: "Come home;
don't want Greeley to make Republi-
can of my SON."
At a-recent meeting at Danbury, CT,
where a contribution was taken up, 8
wealthy member of the congregation
, dropped twenty-five cents into the con.
tribution box. The amount realized
being little more than that required.
the wealthy member quietly suggested
to the deacon v no passed the box, that
his little amount might be returned.
<And it was.
A CHILD while walking through an
art gallery with her mother, was attract
ed by statue of Minerva. "Who is
that Z" said she. my child, that is
Minerva, the Goddess of wisdom. y
"Why didn't they make her husbandl'
Because she had none, my child. "
That was because she was wise,
wasn't it mamma" was the artless re-
ply.
A DABBLER in literature and the fine
arts, who prided himself on his Ian
guage, came upon a youngster sitting
upon the bank of the river angling for
gudgeons, and thus addressed him :
adolescence, art thou not endeavoring
to entice the finny tribe to engulf into
their denticulated mouths barbed
hook, upon whose point is affixed q
dainty allurement 2" "No," said the
boy, I'm fishin.'"
GROUP of school-boys talking politics
in the street =
"Well, he's trying to do something
big I'll bet he'll get impeached!
:" hope he will. And if he does,
hope Sumner'll get in. "
"That's so
Ohr SUM- IL iC SCt iniPCuNlct.
Colfax will get in. +"
The rest is lost in a running tumult
of eager argument and contradiction.
AsMLoR, who had not been to church
for many years, inquired of his land
lord how he should behave in case he
went to church. He was told to take
the first vacant seat he could find in
the building, and not to speak. Jack
took his seat up near the pulpit, beside
one of the high deacons. The latter,
when the first part of the service was
over, cried out "Amenl" "Hush,
hush, shipmate, whispered the old
salt, "or they will turn us both out. I"
A NICE, pious old man in Massachu-
sets thought his oxen laid out strength
brushing away the flies, that might be
used hauling the corn plough, SO he
tied bricks to their tails. The plan
worked well until one of the bricks
struck the old man on the head, when