The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1871-11-19

W7fnln& QUIZ 1H0 Vatu0HC W0SSouScT
INV oRLEAHs. SUNDAY. Nov1a1BER 10, lsul
WIT AND WELDON.
A cause of Dyspepsia-Digesting re.
port.
Dogs beat dentists. They insert natural
teeth.
When is card-player shabby individ-
aalf When be shuffles.
It is all very well to say "take things
as they come" but suppose they don's
come!
When a man has tried everything, and
found it will not answer, let him go where
there is an echo, and try that
last ten cents for drink the other day, land
sam, .I'm sad, and yet emile"
What is the difference between q barber
and a motherf One has razors to shave
and the other has shavers to raise.
Ridicule is q weak weapon when levelled
at a strong mind. But common minds are
towards and dread an empty laugh.
Practical Joke.-Sportive youth takes a
Webster's Dictionary to demolish fly that
is "snoozing on the teachers head.
Never laugh at your own~remarks. 1t
may be a very agreeable excitation, but it
invariably spoils what you are saying.
A Maine partridge after standing still
and being shot at seventeen times without
effect, got tired of the monotony and few
away.
Somebody having said that a friend of
his had "Ohio features" it is suggested
that Ohio has only one I, if that's what he
means.
Those are the happiest who live to bene-
fit others-who are always ready with q
word to encourage, emile to cheer, look
IN narsuade and a dollar to assist.
"Dont trouble yourself to stretch your
mouth any WIDER" said dentist to a man
who was extending his jaw, Gas intend
to stand outside during the operation"
Three little children fshing-two boys
and a eirl.-Elder boy: 20, Johnny's got
bite ~ Girl: 20, my sakes, and he's such
little boy-only reads in the primer!"
Horrors accumulate. A companion piece
to "Cut off my Curls with your Scissors,
Mamma," entitled Grip my Chignon with
your Jack-knife, Papa" has just come
out.
Infirm.-" That decrepit man going
along reminds me, doctor, Of that tooth of
mine which you had 60 much trouble to
extract" "How soT' "Because he's in
firm" 49,
Thare amt but phew men weak enuff
tow admit their Jealousy; even q disgraced
rooster in q barn-yard will git leetle fur
Their off and begin tew crow up new
reputashun.
A Snowman advertises that among his
other curiosities is the celebrated "dffer
ence" which has been SO eften split by
bargain makers, He says he has both
halves of it. a---
Read not books alone, but also read thy
aelf. If you find anything questionable
there, use the commentary OF severe
friend rather than the gloss of sweet
Tipped fatterer.
"My son." said an affectionate mother
to her son (who resided at a distance, and
expected in short time to be married),
tber,n he replied, ~ am; when I come
nextI think you may see my rib"
For q specimen of logical consecution of
ideas we venture to commend this from q
schoolboy's composition Tobacco was
invented by man named Walter Raleigh.
When the people first saw him smoking,
they thought he was a steamboat, and as
they had never seen steamboat they were
frightened.
A youth, while travelling in California,
was ambitious in displaying small pistol
before brawpy miner, whose belt was
weighty with two heavy six-shooters, when
the miner asked him what he had there.
"Why," replied the youth, "that is pis-
should. shoot me with that, and should
find it out, I'd lick you like fun"
A characteristic anecdote is related of an
out-at- elbow poet, who, by some freak of
fortune, came into possession of a five
lar bill. He called to lad and said,
"Johnny,my boy, take this William. and get
it changed" "What do you mean by cali
ing it William 2" inquired the wondering
lad. "Why, Johnny" replied the post,
I" am not sufficiently familiar with it To
take the liberty of calling it Bill"
Eternity has no gray hairs. The Hove
fade, the heart withers, man grows old I'D
dies but time writes no wrinkles On
eternity. Eternity o, stupendous thought!
The ever present, the unborn, undergoing
and indy ing-the endless chain composing
the life of the universe. Earth has its
beauties, but time shrouds them for their
grave; it's places, they are but the gilded
sepulchre it's pleasures they are bursting
bubbles. Not SO in the untred bourne.
In the dwelling of the Almighty can come
no footsteps of decay.
BORROWING TROUBLE n vast