Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1871-05-25
WIT AND WISDOM.

WIT And WISDOM
Ruddy cheeks are oxygen in its low
lieSt form.
One person out of every two hundred
in Memphis is a lawyer.
There is q paper in Indiana called
the Gimlet. Its enemies call it bore.
A New Orleans man went crazy
when he found he had been making
love to his mother-in-law at q masquer-
Jade. .-t l
| When your trade or profession is
chosen, obstacles, be they large or
small, must not be allowed to staud in
your way. ..r st l1a,
An Irishman being asked If con-
science did not strike him when steal
| ing, promptly replied: "Faith an he
darsen't, for he knows. I'd hit him
back" .--
Punch thinks it would be q real
blessing to mothers if somebody would
invent soap that would enable mamas
to get their daughters of their hands.
The Boston Adrertiser has been get
ting off a Photographed joke: "The
hire class-laborers; the lore class
scholars"
The Boston Advertiser has been get
ting off a pretty good photographed
joke: ''The hire class-laborers. The
lore class-schOlars."
Mrs. Partington says that since the in
vention of the needle gun there Is no
reason why women should not fight as
well as men. ..--..-..
There is something exquisite in our
countryman's reply to the European
traveller, when he asked him if he had
crossed the Alps: 'sWaai now you cali
my attention to the fact guess did
pass risin' ground spell ago."
An old bachelor says that giving the
ballOt-bOx to women would not amount
to anything practically because they
would insist that they were too young
to vote until they got too old to take
any interest in politics. -F a--.-. F..
]. P, of Peekskill, writes the editor
of the local sheet that 'syoul git your
he'd punched if you print in yur paper
that my yf had twins"
"Ain't it wicked to rob this chicken
roost, Dick ?'' "Dat's q great moral
question, Jumbo, and we amt no time
to arguefy it now; hand down anoder
pullet." -'-1 l-'..f
A bill posted on the walls Of an Eng
lish country village announced that
'tlecture will be delivered in the air,
, and collection made at the door to de-
fray expenses" -..-5 ef Tl..t.r
!. sA tradesman, who failed in the city
of Bangor, wrote on the front door,
Payment suspended for thirty days."
a neighbor reading this, said: You
have not dated the notice." mo-" said
he, ''I don't intend to do so. 1t would
run out if I did,"
The following is from the will of
mariner Of Bristol, England, proved
1855: "My executors to pay, out Of
the first moneys collected, to my be-
loved wife, if living, one shilling, which
: give as a token of my love, that she
may buy hazel nuts, as / know she Is
better pleased with cracking them than
she is ,CiH Dreadi,ag the holes ia her
stockings"
The proprietor of boarding house in
, Arkansas, having heard frequent COM
i plants from his bOarders about the
regular recurrence of hash, prepared
himself to crush the rebellious spirit.
At the next morning meal he placed
two revolyers beside his plate and re-
= marked, "Whoever says he doesn't like
D hash lies" He then began distributing
4 hash and no man declined it.
The female medical students who at
!. tended clinic at the Philadelphia
!, Aims House ON Saturday were rudely
treated by the male students, and on
leaving the place were hissed. A note
had previously been addressed to them
/: by the chief operator requesting them
/. to stay away. The following Is one OF
!, the sentences of this missive: RE
! peatedly has the presence of women
interfered with the proper manage
: ment of the clinics in a. manner too nu-
, merOus to explain"
: A gentleman entering bus few
: days since with cigar in his hand, on
: noticing a lady passenger, was about
l putting it up, when she seized it and
: threw it out of the window, re-
! marking: 81 dislike smokers; they
: make me ILL.," At the same moment
: a fierce little dog sprang up from his
| l06t dl DOWC4 NCiy POkAtCAy
n rejoining: 81 do not like dogs; they
4 Iannoy me;" seized the canine by the
Y back of the neck and pitched it after
i the cigar.
The Dayton Journal Of Saturday
morning says: A Springfield (O.) lady
: is preparing to sue prominent saloon
lists in that city for selling liquor to hel
husband, who is confirmed inebriate.
y In one case she lays the damages al
$4,000. This mode of enforcing the
LIQUOR laws will prove more effective
than any that has ever been attempted. 1.
A single verdict will dry up the big
gest saloon in Springfield.
A man in Ashland recently ordered
a s'fine gold watch" from one Of the
y swindling agencies in New York.
d Paying SIS and express charges, he re-
= ceived, we'll boxed beautiful glass
n marble with note attached, reading
:, thus:
y DEAR SIR:-The mystery In regard
to this is to find the hole by which tc
J. wind it up. Numerous persons have
Ie been searching for it during the pas'
,fl wear, and have failed to find it, but We
II hope that you will be successful.
= Respectfully,
X WILLIAMS < Co.
ie p. S.:-All fools will learn by expert
= hence.
d; --
The Farmersss Boys.
a., . 49,, =, \ L, r, o.