The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1871-04-27
WIT AND HUMOR.


AS old Van Chroonps was giving
his Youngest, who was inclined to be
hwy, good cowhidiug, the boy cried
out. "Ch, fadder, It makes me smart"
"Dats shoost vat ] wants" said the
old nau
"A clergyman in the West seeks
damages Of journal which published
report of his lecture, "Mind and Mat.
ter" under the head of wind and
Water 1t Is alleged by his enemies
that he is likely 10 recover, if the old
English law be sound, that the greater
the truth the greater the libel.
An Atlanta paper states that la.
dy Of that city tied her husbands
hands and feet together the other day,
just for fun, and went through his
pockets for certain billet-douX, and
found it. His physician informs him
that his face will not be badly SCARED,
though be may remain permanently
bald
A tippler called at farm house in
Amherst the other day, and asked for
cider. "No, Tom," said the farmer,
you've had enough to drink to day
no friend of yours would give You ci,
der" ooh! good Lord" cried Tom,
very weary, leaAing against the fence,
"pleasc send along some Of my enc.
mics
The following words actually
, formed the pcroration Of the counsels
plea for his client in an assault and bat.
terry case in Athens, Alabama: "Let
| the humble ass crop the thistle Of the
valley! Let the sagacious goat browse
upon the mountains brow: but, gen.
tlemen of the Jury, l say John Gundls
is not guilty"
"A Chicago lady attended Nilson's
concert in Boston, and listened with
rapt attention to the song, "Shells Of
Ocean When the Western beauty
arrived at her hotel, some one asked
her what she thought Of the concert.
She took q fresh chaw Of tobacco, aud
said: "That clam.shell song was the
heautifullcst l ever hcarn." And so
many free schools, too.
"A good story is told of a young
lady, Il graduate of some seminary.
who had been studying French, and
was the happy recipient Of call from
a very polite young gentleman eae
evening. At parting, the young man
said: eau revoir;" and the young la.
dy, not to be behind, and wishing to
show her proficiency in French, re-
piled: "Mon dicu." Upon consult =,
the dictionary, you may imagi' 10 tn,
Young mans establishment to drd tha,
L meant "My Godw
--Beecher on Bcnne' t-The Ne,
York Heral assailed Z ne re)ioious M.
pers as being netl' cient and tame in
their fight against the sins of the day
ine nefalo as particularly sharp
against ''e y nristian Union, and pro.
,o'eo ''Se # to enter the lists against
'"'"'i' " ID show the papers how to do
IT, y ,eecher replies that Benefits as
s"' 1t on the father Of lies might be a
! good thing for Christianity, and bad
enough for Satan, for ga house divided
against itself can't stand"
, "A Legal Story -"How going to
law pays, is pretty well illustrated in
A the following story of lawyer nov a
resident in Oshkosh, Wis. One Smith
had failed in business and sold out, and
having two or three tough little bills,
r had given them to his lawyer for col,
5 lection. Smith went to the office to
G receive the pr roceeds. The amount
S collected was about fifty dollars. "im
| sorry you've been so unfortunate
e Smith, for l take great interest in you.
} l shan't I charge you as much as should
if l didn't feel so much interest in
!. you" Here he handed Smith fifteen
dollars and kept the balance. You
see, Smith, knew you when boy, and
l knew your father before you, and I
! take great deal Of interest in you.
Good morning, Come and see me
again" Smith moved slowly out Of
the door, and ruefully contemplating
r the avails, was heard TO mutter:
Thank God he didn't know my grand
father"
A Chapter on KissIng.-When a
wild lark attempts to steal kiss from
a Nantucket girl, she says, "Come.
sheer of, or I'LL split your main-sail
with a typhoon." The Boston girls
hold still until they are well kissed,
when they flare up and say, 81 think
you ought to be ashamed" When .
young chap steals kiss from an Ala
bama girl, she says, ~ reckon it's my