The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1871-12-28
Ti,c Man Who Cooks-.-Ecccntriciti OF
California Husbands,
From Llpplncott's Magazine.

Every old Californian having, in "49, "
baked his own bread and boiled his beans,
deems himselfa good family cook. He MAIN
tains even 4 greater conccit than this: he
deems himself cook superior TO any woman
in the world wien lie chooses TO concentrate
his mind on culinary affairs. On such a man,
when duly married, there breaks out once or
twice year culinary mania, He must
cook; he will cook. he watches the oppor-
tunity when his wife has prolonged hcrafter-
noon visit little longer than usual. He in.
vades the kitchen. He hndles fire in the
stove. Before kindling that fire he leaves
open every door in the house, from cellar &c
garrett. He turns the damper wrong. The
stove smokes the wrong way. lie draws
water in the wrong bucket to ill the tea-ket.
| tie. These things are terrible to mention
but they are often done in California. He
throws potato and other vegetable parings in
the cleanest pail he can find. Wherever he
| walks aud whatever he touches he leaves q
"muss." He leaves knives, forks, and spoons
all over the house; also, dish rags; he puts
one of these in his pocket. He ceases to be a
rational or accountable being. An old male
California cook, married and in his wife's
kitchen, is not well-spring of pleasure.
He brings all the flying-pans he can find
into use. He sets their sooty bottoms on the
clean pine table. He contemplates making
tea. He reflects as to the quantity he used
in the mines for q "mak n.y." He cannot
recollect exactly. He Grams several fistfuls
into the teapot. He will have enough any.
| way. No one who drinks thereof sleeps that
night. Nervous. He essays to make bis.
cult. He wonders how much saleratus they
used in the mines to get good rise on. He
| 10 f1r 20
wandering racantly about the house, leaves
traces OF flour at every step. 1t is in the par.
Tor, on the door knobs, on the bannisters,
He can cook. He says he can cook better
than any woman in the wcrld IF he was
only mind to give his mind to it," The
conceit is never to be taken out of him. 1t is
peculiar to all old Californians; for he made
bread III the mines. 1t was bread, too-sood
to kill. They say "two pardnsls" who
"cabined" with him died Of heavy bread in.
digestion. He was given two hours to leave
that camp. Now we see him ravishing his
wIe's kitchen. He Inns burned up all the
choice newspapers lying about, which the
folks wanted to read. He is using table but
ter to cook with, and sets the cooking butter
on the table. Things fall into that dough-
| butaoAs, matches, and bits of coal.
In the midst of all this culinary riot, chaos,
smoke, grease, SCOT, rags, and -four, the wife
comes home. She opens tue hall door, and
is oppressed by the cloud Of smoke. She
knows then that the culinary fit is on her hus-
LAND, She steps into the kitchen. There he
stands, red-heated, fiustered, caught in the
act, with a big spoon in one hand, a tor
! mentor in the other, spot Of black on his
nose. The frying-pan is full Of hot, smoking
lard. 1t sizzies and Sfutters alI over him as
he stands there with his BACK to the stove,
and all over everything for many feet around,
There comes from the oven door suspicious
smell of smoke; his biscuit arc burning. All
sorts of things in pots are boiling over. She
rllshes to his assistance. Both burn their
fingers. He has mislaid half the stove-coyers
and cannot fad them. One is discovered q
fortnight afterWarH up stairs under the bed.
How did it get there2. lie says he didn't
know he was carrying 1t up at the time. Alb
sent-ninded. lie was looking for clean
towel ut the time. ~ t. go, -.
His wife, In despair, goes to her room and
CRIES and thinks of her happy girihood days.
She does not come down to supper. No one
eats much that evening. he has the whole
tabls to himself 'Hs hasaf much appetite.