davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25
A Poor Currency.

A correspondent of New York paper,
who has recently visited Hayti, writes as
follows:
AS l stepped ashore at Port-au-Prince,
l met an orange girl, and asked her the
price of her fruit per dozen. She replied
" forty dollars" l made up my mind
that that unfortunate young woman had
escaped from a lunatic asylum, and l
noticed wild look about her eyes as l
passed on, without saying anything. aBut
when miserable, beggarly native took a
message across the street for me, and de-
manded only $400, 1 thought it time to
demonstrate, and l refused to give the
audacious swindler anything, expressing
my opinion of him in English, which he
didn't understand. But when l saw a
straw hat marked $4,000, light began
to dawn upon me. I held up fve dollar
gold piece, and the shopkeeper took it,
gave me the hat, and then shoveled out
about bushel of dirty little bits of paper,
which he said was my " change" Then
it was explained to me that the currency
of the country is paper money, so de-
preciated that 500 or 600 gourdes, or dol
lars, of it are equal only to one dollar in
hard money. The Island was flooded
with it, and it has been so nearly worth
less, at one time, that $4,000 in paper
was equivalent to 81 in gold. After l
had stuffed all my pockets and my hat
with the change, | Immediately went
back and paid the ill-used messenger his
$4O0, with few hundred thrown in, for
having called him names in language
which he didn't understand.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25
Brought up on a Bottle.

A reporter says: once We wrote u
report Of public meeting in this city,
and, in commenting upon the eloquence
OF one OF the orators, we remarked that
4" it was evident that the speaker obtained
his love of country and his patriotic in
spiration with his mothers milk" That
was such new and surprising figure of
speech that we read it over in the paper
the next morning dozen or two times.
and parsed it, and translated it into
French, and corrugated the verbs, and
made the mothers milk agree with the
speaker, and such things. About eleven
o'clock the orator walked in and said
"Where is the reporter who attended
the meeting last night?"
The reporter presented himself.
A." Are you the young man who wrote
out the account of my speech ?"
Yes sir"
A light twinkled in his dark gray eye
for moment, and then he said
Well, just thought / would call
around to correct slight error--a misap-
prehension of fact, indeed. There must
be some little mistake about that matter
Of the mothers milk, for instance, you
observe, because ,oas brought ap on
bottle. ~
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25
Spontaneous Combustion.

Spontaneous combustion occurs much
more frequently than is!generally sup
posed and the Boston Journal of Chem
istry is Of the opinion that many fires as
cribed to incendiarism have owed there
origin to that cause Such combustion
differs from ordinary burning only in that
the of the combustible substance with
the oxygen of the air is more gradua l.
When log of wood rots in the forest, it
is as really burned up as when it blazes
in the fireplace, only the process is so
slow that the heat is not perceptible. The
rusting of metals is another form of slow
combustion and if the rusting is suffi-
ciently rapid, the rise of temperature is
readily detected. In infammable sub
stance, when slow combustion begins, the
heat set free causes the oxidation to go
on faster and faster, until the mass bursts
into fame. Oily rags used by painters
and cotton waste used for wiping mach
inery are common causes of spontaneous
combustion. Oil split on dry saw-dust
has been known to take fire in this way.
Oils that oxidize readily, like cotton-seed
oil, are especially liable to take fire with
out apparent cause. Hay, cotton, tow,
flax, hemp, rags, leaves, spent tow, straw
in manure heaps, all are liable to take fire
spontaneously when stacked in quantities
in damp state. These are facts which
every one should understand, as the know
ledge of them may in many instances lead
to precautions of the utmost importance
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25
Shoost so Long rs 1t Vas.

During recent hearing before Alder
man Dougherty, it was thought important
by counsel to determine the length of time
that certain az quarters of beef, 2 hogs
and l sheep" remained in an express
wagon in front of plaintiffs store before
they were taken away by the defendant.
The witness under examination was q
German, whose knowledge of the English
language was very limited but he testif-
ed in very plain, straightforward way
to having afterward carried it out and
put it into the aforesaid wagon. Then
the following eusued:
Counsel" State to the jury how Iona
it was after you took the meat from the
store and put it into the wagon before it
was taken away"
Witness" Now l shoost cant dell dat
l dinks bout dwelve feet. not say near
er ash dat"
Counsel" You don't understand me.
Ho,o long a1aS IL from the time the meat
left the store and was put into the wagon,
before it was taken away by the defend
ant Z"
Witness" Now l know not what you
ak dat for. Der wagon he vas pack up
NIT der sidewalk, and dat's shoost so long
as it Uas You dell how long der side
walk vas. Den feet? Dwelve feet Den
l tells how long it vas"
Counsel don't want to find out
how wide the sidewalk was, but 1 want
to know-speaking very slowly-how
long g-the-meat-wa was-in-the-wa-
gon---before-it--was-taken-away?" ?"
Witness" Oh! dat Well, now,
not sold any meat so. l all time weigh
him never measured meat, not yet. But
l dinks bout dree vect." Here the
spectators and his honor smiled audibly.
" l dell you all can, so good as know"
Counsel" Look here, / want to know
ho,o long it'oaS before the meat was taken
away after it was put into the wagon ?"
Witness docking very knowingly at
counseD- Now you try and get me in a
schrape Dat meat ,cas shoost so long IN
der vagon as he vds an der shop. OATS
all told you. Dat meat was dead meat
He don't get much longer in den dousan'
year, not mooch."
Counsel" will do"
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25
The ShIpmaster,s View.

Several years ago barque sailing
through Vineland Sound at night ran
down small fishing boat containing three
Indians. They were rescued with much
difficulty, taken on board the baraue, well
cared for on the voyage to Philadelphia,
and brought safely back on the return
trip to Boston.
On their arrival there they instituted
a suit against the owners of the barque
to recover the value of their boat and
fishing tackle The attorney for the
owner of the barque wished to prove that
the place where the boat was lying, with
out showing any light, either, was directly
in the course followed by vessels sailing
through the Sound, and sent one of his
clerks to ask well-known sea captain who
was authority on such matters to come
and testify. After hearing the whole
story and statement Of the facts to be
substantiated, the captain delivered him
self as follows q" Tell Squire Russell I'll
come. There mustn't no Injuns git no
such case as this. You see, 'twont be
good for the Injuns neither, cause no
body'll ever stop to pick'em up agin."
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25
Curious Effects Of a wasp Sting.

A Missouri physician, writing to the
Medical and Surgical Reporter, says:
On the 3lst of October last, as l was
sitting in church during night services,
the weather being rather cool, red wasp
which had been reused by the warmth
fell from the ceiling, and becoming en-
tangled in my whiskers stung me twice
in the throat, beneath the angle of the
lower jaw-bone, in or near the submaxil-
ary gland of the right side. The pain
for minute or two was intense, followed
by peculiar taste, only to be described
by saying that it was singular combina-
ton Of palatal and nasal sensation, such
as is noticed when nest of these wasps
is disturbed and they dart about through
the air. But the circumstance which
most attracts attention, and which con-
slider the curious part is the duration of
the sensation for weeks it was constant
and very annoying; it then became inter-
mittent, but very pungent whenever l
was heated By exercise or approached a
hot fire. 1t is impossible to explain how
much discomfort resulted from it. 1t
has gradually grown less observable, till
at the present time l do not recognize it
more than once week, and then only in
a hot room.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25
On Which Side.

In looking over an old notebook of my
fathers, written many years ago, / came
across an adecdote which, if it has never
appeared in print before, is too good to
be lost While John Branch, Of North
Carolina, was General Jackson's Secretary
of the Navy, he, Tazewell, and Daniel
Webster were walking on the north bank
of the Potomac, at Washington. Taze-
well, willing to amuse himself with
Branch's simplicity, said: "Branch, I'll
bet you a ten-dolar hat that can prove
that you are on the other side of the
river"
Done" said Branch.
swell" said TazeweIl, pointing to the
opposite shore, isn't that one side of the
river?"
eyes"
swell, isn't this the other side ?"
Yes"
"Then, as you arc here are you not on
The other side 7"
Why l declare" said poor Branch,
$50 it is But here comes Webster. I'll
win back the hat from him."
Webster had Jagged behind, but now
came up, aud Branch accosted him:
Webster, I'll bet you ten.dollar hat
that can prove that you are on the
other side of the river"
Done~
Well, isn't this one side%
eyes"
"Well, isn't that the oAer side"
Yes, Jm 1 am not on that side p
Branch hung his head and submitted
to the loss Of the two hats as quietly as
he could
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25
CHE Qintes, New Bloom6elo, 11a.
Not q Parallel Case.

On one Of the marches of the Army of
the Potomac through Virginia, the horse
Of well-known chaplain of New York
regiment played out" and was left at
the side of the road, soon after which the
dominic espied fne-looking animal graz
ing in field near the road. 1t required
but few minutes time to transfer the
saddle, etc., to his back, and mounting
him, he was riding out on to the road,
where he met a United States quarter
master, when the following colloquy en-
sued
"Where are you going with that horse?"
Going with IhimY Why, I'm going
to ride him, Of course" said the chaplain.
q But you don't mean to say that you're
goinging to steal him do you ?"
Certainly not; but my own horse has
given out, and we are on the enemy's
country, and"
ooh, that's very we'll but my duty as
an A. q. NJ, compels me to take posses
sion of him besides, l don't think it
looks very well for chaplain to be steal
ing horse, if his own has given out"
But, my dear sir" said the chaplain
" don't you remember that on a certain
occasion our Saviour commanded one of
His disciples to saddle and bring him an
ass, that he might ride into Jerusalem !"
Yes, l know all about that, but this
isn't parallel case, sir; you amt our Saw
iour, we're not going to Jerusalem, and
that animal amt jackass, so you can get
right down off his back, just as quick as
you please"
The argument of the quartermaster
was too powerful, and an unconditional
surrender of the same was at once made,
and the poor parson having to jog along
on foot as best he might.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25
A Dnfchman,s I0ke.

When the nickel cent first came into
use standing joke was to ask "Why the
eagle was represented in a flying posi-
tion," and the reply was, Because he's
on new cent (scent)." A friend Of ours
propounded the question to q gentleman
from Germany, and on giving the answer
his friend seemed to think there might
be good joke in it, but he couldn't see
it.
He's on new (s)cent," repeated our
friend. He smells something, scent is
something you can smell.
"Oh-h ya'as, dat vas goot Won, we're
you got il! Foost rate, amt it, Stop a
leedle, fools Yoppy NIT dat, you shust
vait. Yoppy, COON here" YOppy walks
up.
You knows vot for dat eagle vas
hying?"
Yoppy acknowledged his ignorance
but was enlightened at once by the fol-
lowing:
Becose he's on a new schtink."
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25
A Touching Obituary.

THUS my wife died. No more will
Il those loving hands pull of my boots
and part my back hair, as only true
wife can. No more will those willing
feet replenish the coal hod and water
pail. No more. will she arise amid the
tempestuous storms of winter, and gaily
HE herself away to build the fire without
disturbing the slumbers of the man who
dotted on her so artlessly. Her memory
is embalmed in my heart of hearts /
wanted to embalm her body, but l found
L could embalm her memory much cheap
er.
procured of Eli Midget, neighbor
OF mine, very pretty gravestone. His
wife was consumptive, and he had kept
it on hand several years, in anticipation
Of her death. But she rallied this spring
and his hopes were blasted. Never shall
l forget the poor mans grief when l ask
ed him to part with it, "Take it Skin
ner," said he, /" and may you never know
what it is to have your soul racked with
disappointment, as mine has been !" and
he burst into food of tears. His
spirit was indeed utterly crushed.
have the following epistle engraved
upon the gravestone: TO the memory of
Tabitha wife of Moses Skinner, ESQ.
gentlemanly editor of the Trombone.
Terms three dollars year, invariably in
advance.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25

s6- The ending syllable cough, /"
which is such terror to foreigners, is
shown in its several pronunciations in the
following lines:
Wife, make some dumpllngs of dough,
They're better than meat for my cough,
Pray let them be boiled till hot through,
But not till they're heavy or tough.
Now, must be Otto my plough,
And the boys (when they've had enough
Must keep the flies off with bou0h,
While the old mare drinks at the trough.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25
NATURES
Hair Restorative =!

Contains NO LAC SuLPHUR-No SUGAR OF
LEAD No LITHARGE No NITRATE OF
SILVER, and is entirely free from the Poisonous
and misunderstanding Drugs used in other Hair
Preparations
Transparent and clear as crystal it will not soil
the finest fabric-perfectly SAFE, CLEAN, and
EFFICIENT = desideratums - LONG SOUGHT
FOR AND.FOUND AT LAST
1t restores and prevents the Hair from becom-
ing Gray, imparts a soft glossy appearance, re-
moves Dandruif, IL cool and refreshing to the
head, checks the Hair from falling off, and restores
It to great extent when ,prematurely lost pre-
vents Headaches, cures all HumOrs, CutaneOus
Eruptlons, and unnatural Heat. AS A DRESS
ING FOR THE HAIRIr ISTHE BEST ARTICLE
IN THE MARKET.
DR.. G. Smith, Patentee, Groton Junction, Mass.
Prepared only by Proctor Brothers, Gloucester,
Mass. The Genuine is put up In panel bottle,
made expressly for it, with the name of the article
blown In the glass. Ask yO ,ir Druggist for Ma
ture's Hair Restorative, and take no other.
Send three cent stamp to Proctor Bros. for a
Treatise on the Human Hair. The information it
contains is worth $500 90 to any person,
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25
Use the Red Horse Powders.

HoRSES CURED OF GLANDERS. - Aaron
Ii Snyder, u, s. Assistant Assessor, Mount
Aetna, Pa. Q. Bacon, Livery Stable, sunbury, Pa.
Horses Cured OF Founder. - Wolf Il Wilhelm,
Danyllle Pa. A. Ellis, Merchant, Washington.
vile, Pa. A. Slonaker, Jersey
Horse Cured OF Lung Fever. : Hess & Brother,
Lewisburg, Pa.
Horse Cured OF Colc--Thomas Cllngan Union
County, Pa. Hogs Cured OF Cholera. : II. Barr,
III. Il A. Cadwallader. Cows Cured.-Dr. j. NJ
MCleery II. Mccormick, Milton, Pa.
wChlckens Cured Of Cholera and Gapes.-Dr U.
.. Davis, DR.. ID. T.krebs, o. w. Sticker, job n and
James Finney.
S9- Hundreds more could be cited whose Stock
was saved.
German and English Directions. Prepared by
CYRUS BROWN,
Druggist, Chemist and Horseman,
4n Milton, Pa, Northumberland co., Pa.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25

Hes- The fences of the United States cost
more than the houses, cities included; /;
more than the ships, vessels and boats of
every description which sail ON the ocean
lakes and rivers; more than our manu-
factories, with all their machinery, and
more than any one class of property, real
estate excepted Those of New York are
put down at S144 900, 900; those of Ohio
at $l15,000,000, and Pennsylvania at
$l90,000,000. At this rate the money
invested in fences alone is more than
equal to the national debt. AS fences re-
quire to be renewed, on an average, once
in ten years, the annual cost TO the coun-
try is not far short of $500, ,0O0,0
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25
A Singular HTaiI."

Recently love-sick swain was paying
court to his dulcinea. She had smuggled
him into the parlor, and the darkness only
served to conceal her bushes while John
told the story of his love. The muttered
words reached the parental ear, and COM
ing suddenly into the room he demanded
to know of Mary, who twas she had with
her, It's the cat sir" was the numb
ling reply. "Drive it on here" thunder
ed paterfamillias. "Scatp screamed
Mary, and then soto voice: {" John,
meaw little. } John set up wOful yowl
"That cats got cold" remarked the
parent John yowled louder than ever.
/" "Confouud it, bring light and scare
the thing out" This was too much, and
John made leap for the window, carry
ing glass and frame with him. Thun-
der, what cat !" said the parent, contem-
plating the ruin, after the light was
brought; g l never saw anything like it,
and confound it, its tail is made out of
broadcloth," as he viewed a huttering
remnant from the window.--N. O. Pea
yune.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-04-25
BSrGerman rogues are not the dullest

D@-Gerlnan rogues are not the dullest
of rogues. Recently youth, seemingly
bakers apprentice, presented at the
counter of bank in Vienna, a slip which
was, to all appearances, the ticket which
had drawn the first prize 1867 ,5OO) in
the Brunswick lottery. The officers Of
the bank had consultation, and sent the
ticket to the principal manager OF the
lottery, the presenter, all this time keep
ing up an appearance of the coolest un-
concern, even inviting one of the bank
clerks out to lunch with him while wait
ing for the return of the messenger. The
ticket was certified by the manager, and
the money was paid to the suppositious
bakers boy. He departed Forthwith,
bearing his treasure 48 hours later it
was ascertained that the ticket was a
counterfeit; an exact fac-simile of gen.
uine one which had been cashed only a
few hours before at Darmstadt
Middletown transcript., 1871-06-03

In l7I5 Benjamin Franklin, after re-
moyal from hi. Deputy Pos,mastcr-Gen-
cralship by the British Government for
his rcbelious spirit, was appointed chiei
Of the postal department by the Colonial
Congress aud had the supervision Of a
hou, fifty pos,-oiiiccs in the whole country
There are now about %, 600 post-oiiices
in the United States, and they are being
created as fast as the appropriations 70,
the Post Office Department will admit
Congress. at its last session. appropriated
S. 900. 900 for postal affairs, but this sun
will be exhausted before the next fisca
year.
Middletown transcript., 1871-06-03
WHY aRE MouSr ~ ToPs 50 COLD.

There is story Of squirrel, which ,
liscon;cutyd with the cold valley where
he had his home, set ou, To reach noun
tain top. where, though, he. the climate
must be wnrm and genial since the spot,
is so much nearer the sun, aud great
source of heat Blu, on reaching the long
wshed-ior height, he found that although
the sun shoue with clearer light. yet the
cold was mare intensc than in the humble
home l.e bad left behind lie was well
nigh frozen 10 death, aud quickly aud
wisely resolved To return to the valley
from whence he came
The process Of reasoning Which led poor
squirrel n;o such d,incUiiy aud danger
seems correct enough. The only trouble
with it is. ihut, like u great many fine
spun theories, it does not agree with the
facts in the ease.
How happens it, then, that the nearer
we 90 to the sun. the source Of heat the
colder we find the air? 1t is because the
suns rays of heat pass through transpar-
ent bodies. like air. without heating them.
The heat of the sun passes directly down
through the air till it strikes the surface
of the earth, which is warmed by it. The
air becomes warm only by contact with
the warm earth, and the radiation Of hca,
from the earth.
But why docs not the mountaiu-top be-
come warm and mpart its heat to the sur.
rounding air? The answer is that 50
great is the body of cold air around it, in
comparison with its own size. and so com
stantly il the air around il changed by the
strong winds which blow there. that not
enough heat can be accumulated in the air
to become sensible.
But why does not the air, which is heat
cd by contact with the surface of the earth
at the level Of the sea, rise to the noun.
tain tops and warm them mp. jus. the
same as tho heated air in our rooms rises
/ to the ceiling. and make our heads warm
while our feet arc cold? 1t does thus rise
indeed; but rs it rises it also expands be.
cause il is not SO closely pressed by the
SUPER incumbent air. So BY the time j,
reaches the top of Mount Washington,
what was single room full Of comforta.
bly, hot air expanded to the size Of a
whole house !; and, as II has received nc
moro heat in its ascent, il has become vc.
ry unccmfortably cold The heat which
was sufficient to make it feel warm when il
occupied small space becomes quito IN.
sensible when il expands to a hundred. o,
Il may be thousand times the size il wss
before. II is just like moistened sponge
from which water drops when it is squeez.
cd in the hand. but which appears quite
dry when suffered to espand at It's full size
Middletown transcript., 1871-06-03
sslett poetrp.
iOOKisG EOn PEARLS.
An ORIENTAL ivGESp.

The Master cainc onc evening TO the gate
or far city ii, was growing late,
And sending his dcclples TO buy food,
lie wandered forth intent on doing good
Az was his wont. Aud In the markc,-placc,
..c saw a crowd, clcsc gathered In one space,
Gazing viii eager cyes Upon the ground
Jesus drew nearer, and thereof be found
4 noisome creature, a bedragsed w-eek'--
A dead dog with halter around bis neck.
Aud those who stood by mockcd the object ii..rc
Aud one said scoiiing, ~, pollutes the air.
Another jcering asked, 'llow long tonight
Shall u |, n miscrcan, cur offend our sight?'
Look II, his torn hide, sncersd n Jewish wit,
"You could no, even cut shoe from IL,
And turned away "ilcholi his ears tina, bleed,
fourth cli.mei in, IAN uuclcau wretch indccdf'
ale hath been hanged for thicving, they all
cried,
And spurncd the loa,lsome beast from side TO
side.
Then Jesus standing by them in the street,
Looked AT the poor spen, creature q, his feet,
And, bending o'er him, spakc nn,o the incn,
''i'efr's ara no' rhhr hm his iceth." And then
The people n, each other ghsed, asking,
who is this stranger pitying the vile thing
Then one exclaimed, with awe.aba,ca breath,
This surely Is the Man Of Nazareth
This must i, Jesus for none else but he,
som, thing to praise In y dead dog could see r.
Aud hcing ashamed, each scolTcr bowed his head,
And from the Sigh, of Jesus Turned and fled.