The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1871-06-10

The DaryyinIaR Theory,

Darwin's theory concerning the descent
| OF man is creating tremendous sensation
among the monkeys. They have just
heard of it, and are terribly exercised
They repudiate the whole theory. That
man descended from them they consider
a slur on the entire monkey race. A
cage of John Robinson's monkeys held an
indignation meeting over the announces
ment. A venerable chimpanzee, whose
gray hairs entitled him to the distinction,
was made chairman, and sitting in a swing,
presided with the utmost dignity He
got little excited in his speech as he
| took the chair, but this was pardonable
under the circumstances stWhat," ex-
claimed this venerable baboon, ''Man de-
scended from US. l repudiate the idea
with scorn. True, we have our faults
We are accused of cutting up monkey
shines sometimes and not without cause :;
but this attempt TO made us father the
human race is altogether too much. It
Is not enough that poverty requires us to
| travel around the country in this manner
| to make living to exhibit ourselves to
gaping men, women and children, at so
! much head (when two thirds of them
haven't any head to speak of, without
having it flung in our faces that we ORR
ginated the pack o: fools styled men,"
His remarks were received with every
expression of delight possible to the mon
key. Some stood on their pyramidial
heads, others hung by their tails, while
others threw fipfaps from one end of the
| cage to the other.
A monkey who had travelled much and
seen a grea; deal and who had probably
used the cats paw to pull more chestnuts
out of the fire than any other monkey of his
age. next addressed his fellow monkeys ::
Said he: "This Darwin has inflicted
disgrace upon US that no monkey of any
self respect will hesitate to resist l
| fling his base insinuations back into his
teeth ! A wild chatter of applause. If
man was indeed descended from US, what
fall was there my countrymen! Pro-
longed bowls of derision. If had this
| base slanderer of our race-this Darwin
who dar-lcn fame by traducing us-I
would r-r-r-r-rend him to pieces with
these pentadactylous hands, and whip
him to death with this prehensile tail T.
Immense cheering The chairman in
terrupted the speaker TO remind him that
no puns would be allowed. Nobody but
men perpetra ated puns and pun was all
together beneath the dignity of any mon
key who had the least respect for himself.
The speaker promised to be more guarded
in the future, and proceeded with his re-
marks.
'sLook at the follies men perpetrate
every day. Did you ever know mon
key to make such fool of himself as they
do? Did you ever know monkey to
buy ticket 10 menagerie and 90 star
ing around and making remarks about
| better people than himself? Did a mon
key ever get drunk, or talk about his
neighbors, or wear plug hat (unless il
was fastened on his head by detestable
ringmaster), or sue for divorce, or lace
or color his wbiskers, or GO into bank.
ruptcy, or cheat the printer, or get elected
councilman, or run bar account or ca
hash, or-or run for Congress Never
| GScreams and screeches of assent
''Man descended from the monkey, in
| UGcu II we WcIG u0SCcUueu lIOLl ulat
it would be sufficiently disgraceful.
get ashamed when l think there ls pos
sibility of connecting link. Look a
them in political conventions. In our
most idiotic moments did we ever vel
and howl as they do
'sLook at them in Congress. a Who'll,
menagerie on a drunk conldn't behave
worse. And where did they get it 3
They didn't get it from US that is sur,
thing. The key to their cussed nonsens'
is not the monkey. An admonishinG
shake of the head from the President. +
Mr. Darwin must look for his ancestr,
elsewhere, and let the monkey alone. H
might perhaps trace it to the beasts of th
field or birds of the air, or (what is more
likely the jackass !''
Tremendous applause followed hi
speech. After some further remarks oI
the part of distinguished monkeys of lik
tenor, the meeting passed a series of reso
lutions utterly repudiating the Darwin1al
theory, an then adjourned.