The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1871-01-19
The IdNL of Red GnLch.
BY BRET HARTE.

Sandy was very drunk. He was ly-
ing under an azelea-bush, in pretty
much the same attitude in which he
had failed some hours before. How
long he had been lying there he could
not tell, and did not care; how long
he should lie there was matter equal
" indefinite and uncOnsidered. A
tranquil philosophy, born of his ply
steal condition, suffused and saturated
his moral being.
The spectacle of a drunken man, ,and
of this drunken man in particular, was
not, I grieve to say, Of sufficient nov
city in Red Gulch to attract attention.
Earlier in the day some local satirist
had erected temporary tombstone at
Sandy's head, bearing the inscription,
Effects of McCorkle's whisky--kills
at forty rods" with hand pointing
to McCOrkle's saloon. But this, /
imagine, was, like most local satire,
personal; and was a reflection upon'the
unfairness of the process rather than
a commentary upon the improperly
of the result. With this facetiOus ex-
ception, Sandy had been undisturbed.
A wandering mule, released from his
pack, had cropped the scant heritage
beside him, and shifted curiously at
the PROSTATE man; a vagabond dog,
with that deep sympathy which the
species have for drunken men, had
licked his dusty boots, and curled him
self up at his feet and lay there, blink
ing one eye in the sunlight, with
stimulation of dissipation that was in
geniOus and dog-like in its implied
fattery of the unconscious man beside
him.
Meanwhile, the shadows of the pine
trees had slowly swung around until
they crossed the road, and their trunks
barred the open meadow with gigan-
tic parallels of black and yellow. Lit
tie puffs of red dust, lifted by the
plunging hOOfs Of passing teams, dis
persed in a shower upon the recum-
bent man. The sun sank lower and
lower; and still Sandy stirred not.
And then the repose of this philoso-
pher was disturbed, as other philOso-
pliers have been, by the intrusion of
the unphilosophical sex.
miss Mary" as she was known to
the little flock that she had just dis
missed from the log schOol-hOuse be-
yOnd the pines, was taking her after
noon walk. Observing an unusually
fine cluster of blossoms on the azalea-
bush opposite, she crossed the road TO
puck it-picking her way through
the red dust, not without certain fierce
little shivers of disgust, and some fe-
line ciIcumlocutiOn. And then she
came suddenly upon Sandy!
OF course she uttered the little
stdccdtO cry of her sex. BUtwhen she
had paid that tribute to her physical
weakness, she became OverbOld, and
halted for a moment, at least six feet
from this PROSTATE monster, with her
white skirts gathered in her hand
ready for flight. But neither sound
nor motion came from the bush.
With one little foot she then over
turned the satirical head-board, and
muttered' Beasts pan epithet which
prObably,at that moment, convenient
" classified in her mind the entire
male population of Red Gulch. For
Miss Mary, being possessed of certain
rigid nOtiOne of her own, had not, per-
haps, properly appreciated the demon
strative gallantry for which the Cali
fornian has been so justly celebrated
by his brother Californians, and had,
as a newcomer, perhaps, fairly earn
ed the reputation of being "stuck up
AS she etood there she noticed also
that the slant sunbeams were heating
Sandy's head to what she judged to be
an unhealthy temperature, and that
his hat was lying uselessly at his side.
To pick it up and to place it over his
face was a work requiring some eour-
age, particularly as his eyes were
open. Yet she did it and made coed
her retreat. But she was somewhat
concerned, on looking back, to see
that the hat was removed, and that
Sandy was sitting up and saying
something.
The truth was, that in the calm
depths of Sandy's mind he was salts
fed that the rays Of the sun were ben
eficial and healthful; that from child
hood he had objected to lying down in
a hat; that no people but condemned
fools, past redemption, ever wore hats;
and that his right to dispense with
them when he pleased was inaliena-
Bile. This was the statement of his in
ner consciousness. Unfortunately, its
outward expression was vague, being
limited 70 repetition OF Ine IOHoW-
ing formula: Sunshine all ri
Wasser maar, ,eh? Wass up, ,su'shine?"
Miss Mary stopped, and, taking
fresh courage from her advantage Of
distance, asked him if there was any
thing that he wanted.
trVVass up? Was ms-ar?' contin-
ued Sandy, in a very high key.
"Get nm. YOU horrid man ~ said Miss
Mary, now thoroughly incensed; ''get
up, and 60 home
Sandy staggered to his feet. He was
six feet high, and Miss Mary trem-
bled. He started forward a few PAGES
and then stopped.
''Wass I go home for?' he suddenly
asked, wish great gravity.
'GO and take a bath, I" replied Miss
Nary, eyeing his grimy person with
great disfavor.