The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1871-01-05

Thy name, proud man since all things must
decay,
Since time himself his weary wing viii lave
In that great ocean, when arrives the day,
The last, loud trump, shall animate our clay.
avon BARD.
Mark TWaiR's Experience as n Candl-
date.
A few months ago, l was nOminat-
ed for Governor Of the Great State of
New York, to run against Stewart l..
WOOdfOrd and John T. Hoffman, on
an Independent ticket. l somehow
felt that l had one prominent advan-
tage over these gentlemen, and that
was good character. 1t was easy to
see by the newspapers that if ever
they had known what it was to bear
a good name, that time had gone by.
1t was plain that in these latter years
they had become familiar with all
manner of shameful crimes. But at
the very moment was exalting my
advantage and enjoying in it in secret
there was a muddy undercurrent of
discomfort nriling" the deeps of my
] ldDNlAAEEo -laAlu NAAeL was NAAG III Y A4Ak
/ to hear my name dandied about in
| familiar connection with those of such
/ people. 1 grew more and more dis
turbed. Finally l wrote to my grand
mother about it. Her answer came
| quick and sharp. She said:
"YOu have never done one single
l thing in all your life to be ashamed of
not one. Look at the newspaper
look at them, and comprehend what
I sort of characters WOodfOrd and HOf-
man are, and then see if you are will
-Ig to lower yourself to their level,
and enter a public canvass with
them."
1t was my very thoughts 1 did not
sleep a single moment that night.
But after all I could nOtrecede. Twas
fully committed and must 90 with
the fight. As was looking listlessly
over the papers at breakfast, I came
across this paragraph, and L may
truly say l never was so cOnfOunded
before
PERJURY.-Perhaps, now that Mark
Twain is before the people as a candi-
date for Governor, he will eOndescend
% explain how he came to be convict
ed of perjury by thirty -four witnesses,
in Wakawak, Cochin China, in 1868,
the intent of which perjury was to rob
a poor native widow and her helpless |
family Of meagTe plantation patch, |
their only stay and support in their
bereavement and their desOlation. |
Mr.. Twain owes it to himself as well |
as to the great people whose suffrage
he asks, to clear this matter up. Will |
he do it?
1 thought 1 should burst with |
amazement Such a cruel, heartless |
charge. 1 never had seen Cochin |
China! 1 never had heard of Waka-
wax! / didn't know a plantation 1
patch from kangaroo! +! l did not /
know what TO do. was crazed and
helpless. Ilet the day slipaway with
out doing anything at all. The next
morning the same paper had this
nothing more:
SIGNIFICANT.-AIr. Twain, it viii
be observed, is suggestively silent
about the Cochin China perjury.
1Mem.-During the rest of the cam
paign this paper never referred 10 me
in any other way than as the ''infam-
Gus perjurer, Twain."l
Next came the Gazette, with this:
for Governor deign 10 ex-
plain to certain of his fellOw-citiZens
1whO are suffering to vote for him D i
the little circumstance Of his cabin
mates in Montana losing small valu-
bles from time to time, until at last,
things having been invariably found
on Mr.. Twain's person or in his
trunk" newspaper he rolled his
traps i'm, they felt compelled to give
him friendly admOnitiOn for his own
good, and so tarred and feathered him
and rode him on a rail, and then ad-
vised him to leave a permanent vacu-
um in the place he usually occupied
in the camp. Will this do?
Could anything be more deliberate
" malicious than that? For I never
was in Montana in my life.
[After this, this journal eustOmari-
Iy spoke of me as Twain, the Mon
tana Thief"l
/ got to picking up papers appre-
hensively-mucha as one would lift a
desired blanket which he had some
idea might have rattlesnake under il.
One day this met my eye:
THE LIE NAILED by the sworn
affadayits of Michael OF'lanagan,
Esq, of the Five Points, and Mr.. Kit L
Burns and Mr. John Allen, Of Water
Street, it is established that Mr.. Mark
Twain's vile statement that the Ia
mented grandfather Of our noble stan
dard bearer, John T. Hoffman, was
hanged for highway robbery, is a bru-
tai and gratuitous LIE, without a sin
gle foundation in fact. 1t is disheart-
ening to virtuOus men to see such
means resOTted to to achieve
political success as the attacking Of
the dead in their graves and defiling
their hOnOred names with SANDER.
When we think Of the anguish this
falsehOOd must cause the
Innocent relatives and friends Of the
z ceased, we are almost driven TO in
cite an outraged and insulted public
to summary aad unlawful vengeance |
upon the traduceF. But no-let US
leave him to the agony Of a lacerating
eOnscience-(t though If passion should
get the better Of the public and in IFS
blind fury they should do bodily iniu- {
~, it is but too obvious that no jury
could convict and no court punish the
perpetrators Of the deed )"
The ingenious closing sentence had I
the effect Of moving me out Of bed
with dispatch that night, and out Of
the back door, also, while the"Outrag-
ID and insUlted public" surged in the
'front.' way, breaking furniture and
windows in their righteous indigna-
ton as they came, and taking off such
property as they could carry when
they went. And vet / can lay my
hand upon the Book and say that /
never slandered Governor HOffman's
grandfather. MOre-I had never
heard Of him or mentioned him up to
that day and date.
RI will state in passing, that the
journal above quoted always referred
TO me afterwards as''Twain, the Body
A SWEET CANDIDATE Mark Twain
who was 70 make such a bIighting {
speech at the mass meeting OF the In
last night, don't come to
time? A telegram from hic physician
stated he had been knocked down by
q runaway team, and his leg broken
in two places-sUfferer lying in great
agony, and so forth, &c, and z lot ;
mole bOsh Of the same sort. And the
Independents tried hard TO swallow
the wretched subterfuge and pretend
that they did not know what iCas the
real reason Of the absence Of the
creature whom they de-
nominate their standard-bearer. A
certain man was seen to reel into Mr..
Twain's hotel last night in a state of
beastly intOXicatiOn. IL is the imper-
tive duty Of the Independents to
prove that this besotted brute was