The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-07-18
II U MoRous ITE MS

SO - hH - bt ~ - - = ~ SA ~
BeD~ " Is it possible. Miss, you don't
know the names of some of your friends ?"
Oh yes, ! don't know what my own
name may be in year. .....
h. Sepn, A Cleveland merchant lately re-
ceiyed package labeled g l box Tom
Cats" 1t took him some time to decipher
the fact that the inscription meant box
of tomato catsup "F'. 'di
% .0eiy" e Are these pure canaries ~ asked
haypung gentleman who was negotiating
for a gift for his fair. eyes, SIR; said
the dealer confdentially, 81 raised them
ere birds from canary seed"
eya A pleasant old gentleman of Teu-
tonic antecedents committed har-kari on
a Mississippi steamboat, recently, and an
intelligent Arkansas jury returned a YER
dict of " suicide in the first of degree"
Ds5~ The snail has right smart chance
for tooth ache. He has one hundred
and ten rows of teeth with one hundred
and eleven on each row, or twelve thous-
and two hundred and ten teeth in all.
begn An old topper hearing it stated
chat the French have no w in their Ian
guage, declared it was not SO in fact
that it couldn't be so, for" he asked,
how could they spell aohtszy without a
w 2" aaH.' -
ny" A victim of unrequieted affection
concludes as follows:
"I sat me down and thought profound
This maxim wise / drew ..H
It's easier far to like a girl g.
Than make a girl like you"
Ds3g" An undertaken who was briskly
furnishing up coffin, being asked whom
it was for, replied, " | can't tell which,
but two women have started out on
a talking match next door, and it'll be
sure to end in the death of one of EN- !''
eGy" The editor of the Bangor (Mo)
Wig says he recently saw large num-
Der of ladies enter public hall with dis
hevelled hair and hat brims apparently
wrinkled and broken, and, as he fancied
with excited countenanee. "Upon in
quiring what the riot was about, said he,
" imagine our chagrin when told it was
the fashion" q, .u.. .a se." PC.
Bsg" a German friend of ours, says an
exchange, got his dander up the other
day, upon the arrival of a second pair of
twins, and said to his family physician
" Ov you bleese, doctor, it ish peter dat
sthop be boot to desc dings. Won bair
of twins, | dinks, is allies recht, but more
as dat ish blaid owit, don't it Dat's vot's
de matter nit me. You know how it ish
myself" ....,.
bGg" Two good natured Irishman, on
certain occasion, occupied the same bed
In the morning one of them inquired of
the other, "Dennis, did you hear the
thunder last night ?" q" No, Pat; did it
rally thunder?' Yes, it thundered as
if havin' and airth would come together
"Why in the divil, thin, didn't ye wake
me, for ye know can't slape whin it
thunders." ...' . ......
Re5~ Mrs. O'Reardon, of Detroit, Mich,
startled the chief of police with the fol
lowing conundrum on Tuesday "What
shall | do with my husband in case he
comes home drunk, splits the bureau
with an axe, tips over the stove, breaks a
leg off the bedstead, and holds me under
the penstock until the water makes my
ears roar like thunder" The chief
didn't know"
bS~ A young chap who had gone to
a Methodist revival meeting to make o
disturbance, said, on being asked to be-
come quiet, that he had heard that mira
cles were performed there, and had come
to see some performed at that time;
whereupon the muscular minister said
awe don't perform miracles, but we cast
out DEVILS and sure enough, the devil
did go out, his exit being somewhat hasten
ed by the clerical gentleman. ,
D6y' Old Judge B. years ago lived in
a town in New England, and was a care
less, absent minded individual One day,
crossing the river in fat-boat, with his
men and teams after hay he walked up
and down the boat with his hands behind
him, looking up at the clouds and think
ing of the weather and hay-making All
things work together for the good of them
that love the Lord" said he, and stepped
off the end of the boat into the water. He
sank, but soon, reappeared, and shaking
the water from his head, blubbered out.
/" say it, and I'll stick to it p