The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1871-08-11
sCIssORIxOS.

lne 1atnef OF ali eorn-pop corn.
The favorite pitcher Of the present
season--ioe pitcher.
A joint affair with bat single par
ty to it-rheumatism.
Why should fisherman be rsch?-
Because he is all net profit.
If twice eleven are twenty-five, how
can twice ten be twenty toe.
When Is clock on the stairs dan
gerous?-Wben it runs down.
Wanted to know how many square
rods are contained in . wiseacre.
It is only ugly men whom women
tell they can't bear handsome ones.
New York bellies carry parasols
With perfume bottles inserted in the
handle.
The man who ran away from his
creditors became tired and concluded
to take arrest.
If all the seas were dried up, what
would Neptune say? I really haven't
an ocean q notion
A boy who undertook TO ride q
horse-redish is now practicing on
saddle of mutton.
The greatest pain anDihilater' is
said to be the boy who has smashed
1000 windows this year.
A Chicago bishop waited two hours
for bride who had been disappoin-
ted in her bonnet strings. -
1t is suggested that the frst piece
of music performed by Adam must
have been 'warbling at Eve
A bill giving married women their
separate esruings has been passed by
the Pennsylvania Legislature.
A Dubuque girl got minister for
husband by saving wood to raise
money for the missionaries.
August Belmont is not badly off
with $26, ,000, 900 in pictures, race
horses, and United States bonds.
The difference between q fisherman
and lazy school boy is, one bats his
hook and the other hates his book.
What is the characteristic of a
watch! Modesty, as it ksepsits Iands
before its face and runs down its own
works.
The young lady warbler who
thought she could make her voice
clearer by straining it made . great
mistake.
The heathen Chinee settled in Ala
bama are very deferential; they never
fail to say "good by" a. they lumber
out of the church while survice is GO
ing on.
There is q young lady in Philadel-
phia who, whenever she feels like en-
joying joke, drops her bonnet and
shawl on Fairmount bridge, and then
stays away from her friends fora week
or 80.
What is your consolation in. life
and death asked Sunday school
superintendent of q young lady in the
Bible class, who blushed and said,
I'D rather be excused from speaking
his name
'Oh, grandma, cried mischiesous
little urchin, '1 cheated the hens so
nicely just now. threw them your
gold beads and they thought they
were corn and ate them up as fast a.
they couldr
A certain Boston clergyman, who
recently had AN umprella stolen from
his hall, thinks that the thief is likely
to bring up in the world where neither
overcoat nor umbrella viii be essen
tial to comfort.
Mrs. Anna Place of Portland,
Maine, has lived to the great age of
one hundred and two years. She still
retains her mental and physical fac
ulties to q remarkable degree, and is
bigoted infdel.
"Good morning, Mr.. Henpeck,
said a printer in search of female
compositors. 'Have you any daugh-
tiers aho would make good type-set-
ters p mo; but have wife who
would make a fine devil.
Joliet had double golden we'd
ding one day last week. The
brides were sisters and were married
or the same day fifty years ago.
Their mother, lady of eighty, was
the hostess of the recent occasion.
An aged colored man made appl-
cation at Washington for food, claim
ing it as constitutional privilege.
sWhy,' said he, Il understan' dar's
provision in de Constitution for de
colored folks, and ] havp't had the
fust orumb.
One of the Siamese Twins is lying
at the point of death, at their home
in North Carolina. The other is in
good health. In anticipation OF
death arrangements have been made
for the immediate separation OF the
living from the dead brother.
During the May anniversaries in
New York, the following dialogue was
overheard between two newsboys; I
say, Jim, what is the meaning of so
many ministers being here altogether
why, answered Jim, scornfully they
meet once . year to exchange sermons
with each other
The following advertisement ap-
peared In an Irish paper: Whereas.
Patrick Malony has fraudulently ta-
ken away several articles of wearing
apparel without my knowledge, this
is therefore to inform him that If be
does not forthwith return the ssms,
his name shall be made public.
A West Virginia man has published
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