The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1871-10-20
NEWS,
Friday, October 90. 1871.
GLEANINGS.

Even with "children half price" IL
costs Brigham Young $50 TO go TO the
circus.
A wit says that life Is the greatest of
conundrums; because everybody has
to give it up.
What is the difference between a girl
and q night-cap Zone IS born to wed,
and the other Ii worn to bed.
Sambo, in speaking of the happiness
OF married people, said 'tDat DR. ponds
altogether how dey enjoys demselves."
An exchange, wishing to compliment
o Give Stock Journal, says It IL edited
by man whose head is full OF live
stockl
A bore, meeting Douglas Jerrold,
said: "Weil, what's going on to-day p
~ AM" exclaimed Jerrold, darling past
the inquirer.
The establishment of female suffrage
In Wyoming IL said to have brought
political ruin upon all male candidates
who are not good-looking.
"5ee here, mister" said lad of sew
en- summers, who was driven up tree
by ferocious dog, "Tf You don't take
pies"
Jim Nye, referring to the popularity
OF Ben. Buffers physiognomy, SAYS
"when you see msn whose eye wants
to grow through the bridge of his nose,
stand out Of his way.
The Rochester linton tells ms that
solve Logan says she Is about thirty
two years old" Yes, that is about her
age. We remember hearing her say 90
In lS27-says another editor.
A man whose wife hung herself in
his presence, on being asked why he
did not prevent the tragedy, replied
II cut her down three times last week.
and can't be always cutting her down.
A notice of a recent steamboat ex-
plosion in Western paper, ends as
follows: 1.-THE captain swan ashore.
So did the chamberm3id she was In
sured for $4,000 and loaded with
IRON"
"Why," asked q governess of her lit.
tie charge, "do we pray God to give US
our daily breada Why don't We ask
for four days, or five days or q week p
I'VE want 1t fresh," replied tho ingenu.
Gus child.
Josh Billings says: "When q young
man amt good for anything else, like
tew see him carry gold-headed cane
II he can't borrow enough to buy
cane, let him part his hair in the mid.
de"
A bashful young man was escortins
bashful young lady, when she sale
enireatingly, "Jabez, don't tell anybod,
you beaued me home" Don't be AFRAID,
said he. 81 am as much ashamed of IL q
You are" That settled It.
"A boy, having complained to hi
father that Bill bad thrown the bible a
him, and hurt him on the head, tn,
father replied: "Well, you are the on
ly member OF my family on whom III,
Bible ever made the least impression.
"Here's your money, bolt, and nov
tell me why your rascally master wrott
eighteen letters about that contempt
BILE 2" "Tm sure can't say, bu
II you'll excuse me SIR, sort o. reckon
twas because seventeen didn't fetch It..
A would be school teacher In Ala
bama, replied to question by one o
the examinors, "Do Won think tn
world IL round or hat? 2" "Well, SOM
people think one way and some another
and I'll teach round or nat, just az tn
parents please.
A set OF paper car wheels, on one o
the Pullman cars running to Jerse,
City, have run over 10000 miles o
track, and worn out entirely one set O
steel tires, which have been replaced
The ordinary wheels, It IL said, vii
only run 10000 miles.
Beauregard, almost ten years ago
swore he would water his horse In tn
Tennessee river or In He'll. He didn'
water him In the Tennessee river.
few days ago he came West, bound 70
kansAs City. It was not stated wheth
or he brought his horse along or not.
An inventive genius has discovered
plan for ventillating railroad cars, an
keeping them free from cinders, b
means of shingle placed at an angl
In the forward end of the window
Travellers say that the invention salts
factorily supplies the want OF year.
and Is bound tn be universally adopted
allow do you feel with such shock
Ing bad coat on ?" said young clerk G
more pretentions than brains. al feel,
said old Roger, looking at him steadily
with one eye closed, as If taking aim 8
his victim, 81 feel, young man, as If
had coat on that has been paid for
luxury of feeling which i think 20
will never experience"
CURE FOR RHEUMATIsM.-It Is sal
that a mixture of half an ounce of sal
peter and half pint of sweet oil is
certain cure for infiamatory rheumi
tism. The mixture must DO apple
externally to the part affected, and
gentleman who has witnessed its appl
cation in q number of instances, says
will infallibly effect q cure, and thu
right speedily.
The NIX. AZ II. railroad comnau
propose building a branch from Gree
Ridge-about II miles west of Sedal
"a little north of westward to HUlde
there to connect with tho Missouri
Kansas and Texas Company's Holde
Extension, several miles Of which
completed. The surveys and estimate
for the new branch are completed au
are now under Examination.
A gentleman about whose Teuton
origin there could be but one opiuio
was passing along the street few daN
since, when he came to halt before OF
or the large posters announcing Il
coming Of the panorama OF Parade
Lost. Ho read the line, "a Rebellic
In Heayen," when he broke out as 70
Iowa: "A Repetition in Heaveni mil
Coil that lasts not long now-Onk
Abe IL tare."
Some years ago, IN our Westel
courts, three men-an- Englishman,
Bcotchman and an Irishman-wo
found guilty of murder, and sentence
to be hung. The Judge told them tn
thoy could each choose q tree upC
which he would like TO be strung u
The Englishman promptly choose 4
oak tree and the Scotchman an ash tire
well Pat, what treo will you DO ham
ed on 2" asked the Judge. "If it pla
yer honor, I'd rather be hanged on
gooseberry tree" "Oh, said the Judg
"but that IL not large enough" "B
gorrah," replied Pat, Frightening q
am walt till II grows, yer honorp