Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1871-06-30
Ennrt tut 9jnnlprists

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WI is card player shabby in
dividuaf?-When he'sa siIuifier. ~"
What game should ladies' refuse to
playt Old Maid.
What game are taiIors addicted to:
Cribbage.
What game should Irishmep play?
Whis(h)ts ~
What game do rogues study Beg
ear-niy-neighbor = 49,,
When IS a card player Ike a law
yer? When he follows suit. 49,
When is a cardplaycr like wealthy
fox hunter? When he Keeps his pack.
: Where ere cHrI players most al
home? At Deal.
Wien is cord PLAYER not merro-
nary man? When lie prefers spade /
20 diamond.
WY should card PLAYER reside IN
Fifth Avenue? Because he is partial /
to clubs.
In what game should won haze a
lady rs partner. Quadrille -
What game is the most suitable for
soldiers? Piquet. Il
What game should sleepy tailor
play? Snip-snap SAOrum.
What a-me is bad for the cyes?-
Blind all fOurS. ..E.y f..,..
What game is most like marriage?
Lottery.
What game did orr remote anccs-
tors Of we NAV believe Mr.. Darwin)
play? All tours. -. E-is
What game is most suitable for
fruitercrs? Quinsc.
What came should merchants play
cautiously? Speculation
What game should be played in a
singing saloon? Casino.
What game includes mothers-in-
law and other membranes? Con-
nections.
What game would be useful in Pitts
burg? SiftsmOkc.
What game tends most to the unity
of ratiOns? Commerce.
What game are all the ladies advo-
Gates of? Matrimony.
\ good side show-A pretty check
The poor mans stOry-The garnet.
One key te Irish erievances-Whis-
key. ts- -.
1t isn't every Judge who can parse
a sentence. .t
How was Jonah punished? Whal-
ed, of course.
/ How to keep your head clear
Shave every hair off, s.t
Diet for training baseball players
Batter pudding.
An object of inteTest-You depOs-
st in savings bank.
A ship may be said to resemble
lOgwoOd when it's in port.
Why is a sword like beer? Because
it $ no us2 till it drawn.
Mr. Bcrgh's naggings at the city
railway horses are of the nature OF
dead issues they are car-cases.
4 New York merchant bills his re-
moval: Gone TO a Better Place
Above-No. 1,760."
Why was Eve Low Church before
the fall, and High Church after? BE
fore, she was Eve-angelical and af-
ter. she took to vcStments.
An Irishman who was found guilty
of stealing lot of coffee, was asked
by the magistrate what he did with it.
Made tay wild it," was his reply.
Horace Walpolc tells story of
Lord Mayor of London. who having
heard that friend had had the small
pox twice and died of it, asked if he
died the first time or second.
my dear" asked John. on obser,
wing new striped hose on his only
heir, why have you made BARRIERS
poles of Earnest's legs?' Because
he's little shaver" was the reply.
"Whqt brought You to prison. my
colored friend?" Two constables,
sah." ''Yes. but | mean had intern
perancc any thing to do with it -
Yes. sab, dey was bofe of 'em
drunk
Now, my little boys and girls"
said teacher, Il want you to be
very quiet-~so quiet that you can
hear a pin drop" In a minute all
was silent, when little boy shri,ked,
Let her dropr'
I'm Irishman, having jumped into
tie water to save = man from drown
me. upon receiving quarter from
the person as reward for the service,
looked first at the money and thcn at
him, and at last eXclaim cd PIN
overpaid for the job"
goSi Billings OH Strawberries.
The strawberry IL one NV natur's
sweet pets. She makes them worth
/ fifty cents. the fust she makes, and
never allows them tew be sold at a
mean price.