The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1871-11-21
H ~ MoRous ITEMS

was restored TO consciousness by friend
who bathed his forehead with buggy
trace
CB girl in Wisconsin swallowed forty
percussion caps Her mother refraincd
from furnishing her, or even talking snap
pishly to her.
ESy- 1t is said of certain General that
in battle he always followed his nose, but
then he was liable to colds, and his nose
was apt to run.
S5g- A journalist in New York, who is
perfectly bald has offer ed reward of one
thousand dollars for tale that will make
his hair stand on end.
e3S A gentleman renowned for his char
ity, says no beggar can go away from his
gates unsatisfed they can always get
bite. Vile keeps dog tied loose.
STS" At an auction of miscellaneous arti-
cles in the open air, it began to rain when
a by-stander advised the auctioneer that
the next article put up should be an UNI
brella.
Us A story is told of person asking
another whether he would advise him to
lend certain friend money. "WhatP
lend him money? You might give him an
emetic, and he wouldn't return it,
eB- "Come here, you mischevous little
rascal you" "WVn't you lick me, fa-
ther ?" mo" "Will you swear you
won't?" eyes" Then won't come.
father, for parson Atwood says he who
swears will lie''
Us Mike, why don't you fire at those
ducks? Don't you see you have got the
whole flock before your gun?' 81 know
have but when l get good aim at one, two
or three others will swim right betwixt it
and me- "
G53" 1t must have non-plussed the Scotch
minister who was defending his habit of
reading his sermons on the ground that he
could not remember them, when the old
lady replied "Weel, weel, minister then
dcnna expect that we can remember Them
G5B- al come for the saw, sir" "What
saucer ?" "Why, the saw, sir, that you
borrowed" 81 borrowed no saucer."--
"Sure, you did, sir, you borrowed saw,
sir" " never saw your saucer" "But
you did; there's the saw, now, sir.' "Oh,
you want the saw. "Why did you not
say ?"
Eay- A correspondent describes Winnie
Rheam in her studio, "with her arms bare
to her shoulders, and her ankles likewise"
With ankles and arms both bare to the
shoulders, it seems to us there would not
be much covered, and would be an unpleas.
ant costume for this season of the year.
~" A letter received at the Lebanon
post-office few days ago, from Greens
burg was directed as follows
"To lebenon, Kaintucky.
Too Mr.. prok not, hoo is loyer thar and
who lives thar.
ef this is not guy up sen her bak."
E55- Give got the chickens foot" ex-
claimed little girl at the table, as she held
up the "drum-sticks." "No, it isn't"
replied one a little older, and consequently
with an idea that she knew much the most.
"The foot is throwed away; "that's just
the handle to The FOOT"
GY" The postmaster at North Benning-
ton was somewhat embarrassed the other
day on being asked by lady if there was
letter for "my cow" Being disposed to
treat her politely, he replied that there
was nothing for anybody's COW. The lady
being equally embarrassed, and also dis
posed to be polite, replied that she inquired
for Mike Howe.
GB- A wag passing Main street, Worces-
ter, saw on a sign the following: "Turn-
ing of every description done here" En-
tering the shop he inquired of the proprie-
tor if he could get job done there
(" Certainly, was the reply, "any kind of
turning done on short notice." "Well,
them" said the wag, turn me ten sum-
mersets in about one minute"
eS- A young lady sitting at front win
dow in Danbury, Mass, tossing in her
hand what might have been ball of white
yarn attracted the attention of middle
aged chap on the street whose gallantry
prompted him to hold up his hands for
catch. She accommodated him. The arti-
Gle proved to be an egg, and alighted on
his nose but it is not TO be supposed that
| the lady knew il was a bhd one