Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1871-02-08

Humor.
A FLORIDA gentleman, anxious for
sensation, proposes to fight an alligs
, tor, with butcher knife, for $500
" A PRUDENT man. says a witt
Frenchman, " is like q pin-his hea
prevents him from going too far"
The London Athenaum sets dow
the word magnetic as " fanciful
and not commendable Americanism.
/ DENVER boasts of an abundance O
game-old sledge, faro, and sich, bein,
the most prevalent, we suppose.
Jack, your wife is not SO pensiv,
as she used to be-" +" No, she has lef
that off and turned expensive"
SOME one in Brooklyn is making {
business of stealing clocks from mer
chants Offices. Being thief of time
1t is supposed his name is Pro-Crasti
nation.
LESSON in geography. Schoolmarm
to little Josie "Where is the North
Pole, Josie2' Top of the map,
marin, " replied the pupil.
"Well, Mrs. Smith, nsaid Mrs. Jones,
elf I'm anything, I'm Unitarian
what religion are you2" amt sar-
tin what they calls it, but my old man
says he's a vegetarian"
A CORRESPONDENT of Cleveland pa
per began letter recently with the
frank statement that it devolved upon
him to contradict, in some particular,
nearly every item of news contained in
his last. He would make good war
correspondent.
AN old criminal, sentenced by Judge
Bedford to five years, naiyely remark
ed: "That Judge is nice little fell
low, but I guess he's never been to jail
himself, or he wouldn't have tucked it
on so hard"
THERE is said to be Justice of the
Peace in Perry county, Ind, who keeps
the business confined to the family
When he tries case the jury is mostly
composed of his brothers and sons.
The constable is son-in-law, and all
fines are divided.
ONE of the miseries of life is to be
beaten in an argument, and immedi-
ately afterward to think ofsome express
sion that would have totally annihilat-
ed your opponent.
A COUNTRY editor, in speaking of a
steamboat, says |sshe has 12 berths
in her ladies' cabin !" "Oh, life of
me !" exclaimed an old lady, on read
ing the above, "what squalling there
must have been"
SIR" said guest to his host at
dinner !" this is capital sirloin; please
tell me the name of your purveyor 2''-
!" Addison" was the reply. "Any re-
lation to the Spectator 2" added the
gentleman. Probably" said the
other, "I have often seen steel by his
side"
CUFFEE, what do you tink de NOSE
useful OBJ de planets, de sun or de
moon y "Well, Sambo, I tink the
moon orter take de fust rank in dat ar
ticker" Why you think SO, Cuffee2"
=" Well, [ tell you; kase she shines by
night, when we want light, and de sun
shines by day, when we don'tl"
They tell queer story about man
in New Haven, who lives con the hill, y
who carried home some ice cream i'm a
paper the other day.. He took it into
D crowded car and held it up SO that as
it melted gently meandering stream
of 1T coursed down $3.50 velvet cloak
On lady passenger. It ruined the
cloak, and the man said he was sorry
A MEMBER once said to minister
who wanted little more salary as his
family increased 81 did not know
hat you preached for money" "No,
don't, said the minister. 81 thought |
you preached for souls" $50 I do.
But I couldn't live on souls and if
could, it would take q good many of
,he size of yours to make meal"
BISHOP MARVIN tells story about a
steward of one of the circuits in the
West Texas Conference who paid as
luarterage 100 pounds of bacon, worth
len cents pounds. At the quarterly
Meeting, however, he brought in bill
charging Is cents pound, and offered
n explanation for charging five cents
more than market price that all he gave
o the church was $50 much treasure
aid up in Heaven" and he desired to
well that account as much as possible.
The members of the Dakota Legisla-
ure recently appeared in the streets of
1ankton wearing antiquated white plug
lats. It looked very unreasonable, to
ay the least The secret of this white
lat mania soon leaked out. It seems
hat dealer in that town found large
tock of white plugs on hand, and
hrewdly presenting one or two leading
nembers with hat, the balance sup
osed it was something new, and the
halter soon disposed of his
ntiquated plugs.