Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1871-08-04
WHY LUCY ELLEN DID NOT
MARRY.

1e5b you lSb ul6 TELL you now III WIS
Lucy Ellen was pretty enough; that
wasn't the trouble; but you see them
MaTigolds, they're sort of queer. Now
don't go for ter say but she's as well off
single as merried; there's two sides ter
everything; according ter my thinking, I'd
as soon be single and my Own mistress, as
like Miss Hollyhock, who's always a-lug
ging round baby in one hand and doing
of the work with t'other; or like Miss
Smilax-youNe heern tell of young
Smilax, how awful sweet he was on her
while they were a courtingY Law, bless
you, howsnaturss do change after Citing
themselves merried 'twasn't more'n a
fortnight afore he changed his tune she'd
no more burst ask him for sixpence than
you burst put your head into lions
mouth. ~
To be sure, it's different with man; if
he don't merry, who's ter mend aud make
for him& Who's ter coddle him up, and
flatter and encourage him like? Who's ter
help him put the Dest foot forward, when
things kind of hitch? If was asked, I'd
jest advise ali the men to marry, and all
the women to stay single. However, that's
nothing ter do with Lucy Ellen, that see
on, though ter be sure she's took my ad.
vice, but no credit ter her, no more than if
she'd took the varioloid, when 1t was
round Maybe you've heerd of her gan
ther, Elder Marigold? The folks set
heap by the elder ea5outs, though he
was the outspokenest man that ever
preached; for instance, there was ID aeon
Thrift, used ter live out on the turnpike !;
the deacon was mighty close-fsted, you
see, and some folks went for ter say that it
was worse'n that. However, the elder got
wind of how the deacon he'd sold six foot
of wood ter Widder Hood for good cord,
and the next Sabbath the elder he gifts up
in the pulpit and breaches about the wild
der and the fatherless-though mercy
knows Miss Hood hedn't no children, and
was sight better off than the deacon and
elder put together but that wasn't no
kind of reason why she should be cheated
out of her eye-teetb, which they were
false; and so the elder he goes for
ter say-a'leaning way out over the pulpit
cushing and pointing fust ter one
place and then to another-"I don't care
who it is, or where he sits-whether in the
gallery or in the body of the meeting.
house, or IN the dedcOnS' seat, the man
thatll sell six foot of wood for good
cord is worthy of fire and birthstone, and
I'm afeerd he'll git his deserts. We heerd
as how the deacon made restitootion; but
that's nothing ter do with Lucy Ellen, as l
know of, only the elder was her gran'ther,
and as likely man as ever give out Ia
psalm however, she didn't inherit moth
ing from him, except yoke of steers and
some farming stuff. The fact was, the
Marigolds might hev been somebodies in
stead of nobodies aud nOthings, if Marsh
Marigold hedn't merri1d as he did, instead
of merging as he ought ter hev done,
though it don't be come me ter say who he
ought ter hev merried. Marsh, you see,
cd Of hEr nc ga fha
Marshes over the river yonder; they were
fust cousins terS the Swamps and the
Boggs, rich as mud could make 'em.
Wa'al, you see, Marsh he spoiled it all by
going and merging the slackest piece of
flesh and blood that ever handled broom,
jest because she he'd pretty face on ter
her. Laws, the way she used for ter cut up
was caution; she he'll her sister Tidy ter
live with her. Goodness, manys the times
I've laughed till he'd q stitch in my side
ter hear old DIR. Heartsease tell about them
highsterics OF hers, You see one day she
was took very bad in one: the fact Was, it
was about hayiDg time, and there was plen-
ty ter do, and she wanted ter shiTk IL and go
off visiting her own folks and leave Tidy
ter do the work, and she knew Marsh
would send her if he thought she was
poorly; so away che goes, working herself
thing, Jest as well as she know how ter
manufactur 'em; and she did know bet
tern most folks, for she'd been with wo-
man who'd he'd 'em real. So Marsh he
saddles up old Flyaway and brings DR..
Heartsease, and the doctor he takes a
pinch of snuff deliberate like, and looks
at her tongue, and feels here pulse, and
finds out as how she's APPLYING 'possum
the worst kind, and says he ter lildy, says
Jest bring me up big pitcher of bill
ing water--cf Bling uate' ) billing hot,
remember-and a tin tunnel?"
Whatever in the world are you going
for ter do, doctors" says Tidy.
Never you mind, Tidy" says he. "Pm
going ter cure her upi you jest run and
bring me big pitcher of billing hot water
and q tin tunnel" Then, while Tidy was
gone for 'em, says he ter the patient
i" Now, Miss Marigold, if you don't come
out of that ere fit of yourn" (Ind he spoke
mighty stern like), my treatment is, in
such cases, ter pour the billing water down
the patients throat through the tin tun-
mel" And, bless you, she come right out
of it afore the billing water and the tin
tunnel got up stairs.
II feel better now," says she; "but amt
that rather severe treatment, doctorY" for
you see, sue believed he meant to do it.
"a In severe cases." says he, "we use
severe measures !" aud then he took
another pinch of snuff and said good by
and Marsh sent her over ter see her folks
that afternoon for fear she'd hev relapse
You see, Lucy Ellen hedn't no chance tel
grow up as she'd oug ater; since she was
a child she heerd her mother act
out, and tell all sorts of white
fibs--such as how Marsh wanted her tel
hev help, and she herself wouldn't hear tC
it, nor be bothered with servant about
the house, a-putting their fingers inter the
jam, and a'sJealng of the clothes off one,
back, when Lucy Ellen he'd heerd hel
father say that he couldn't afford it noway
and how Mr.. Marigold wanted her ter hey
Leghorn bonnet and French flowers, but
for her part, she thoughtit would be wick
ed folly when so many heather hednt any
thing out fig leaf, when Marsh had only
said that she might hev her old straw
whitened and pressed over, aud Lucy
knew that the heather d never git any
thing better if they looked ter her; ant
then she'd tell how Marsh wanted ter bul
another horse, when Lucy knew he had te
sell Flyaway ter pay off part of mort
gage, Oh, tell you, they were the great
est cases for stretching OF the stocking ou
of ali kinds of shape, so yon'd hardly he
known what IL was in the first place, and
of course, Lucy Ellen got ter be chip 0
{ the old block. When she aud he
mother d got up their bonnets all b
themselves, they'd make folks thin
they'd bought 'em over ter Shopville, an
and all that sort of deceit They used te
make as though they he'd plum cake fc
tea regular, and Damson preserves wa
common a. dirt, and green tea was druI