Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1871-05-19

BY JUDGE CLARK.

Old Rumsoner was the presiding
Judge ofthe Toddiesoke circuit, and
the meanest old reprobate that ever
disgraced the bench. He rarely
went to bed sober; got up every NOR
ming wrong end foremost, and gen.
orally began the day by some outra-
geous act of oppression. He was
the terror of the bar-all but Shad
Sharkie, with whom he had normal
condition to be several "CNips" be-
hind at ''poker," which made him,
on the whole, rather civil to Shad.
One morning "Old Rum opened
court in worse humor than usual.
A bad "run of LUCK" and too much
bad whiskey, over night, had told
more than commonly on his temper.
The first thing in order to impair
mel Jury of bystanders-the rcgu-
lar jury, befogged by one of Old
RUNS incomprehensible charges,
being and having been for the last
forty-hours, "hatmg" on question of
the title to yearling calf, sworn to
positively by six witnesses on one
side, and half dozen on the 9TH
err.
Call jnry, and be quick about
it, Mr.. Bumkin," growlcd the Judge.
l held the Office of Sheriff, and my
right name is Lumkin, but Old Rum
scould persist in miscalling it.
The words were the signal for a
general stampede. To be caught
on one of Old RUNS juries was gen
orally considered equivalent to going
to Jail. But as the Judge ordered
the doors to be closed in time to bag
a sufficient number.
"James Bleerly," l called.
Jim shook his head, and tipped
me wink, which l refused to under
stand.
"Take seat on the jury!" I vocif-
Grated with official emphasis.
"Jedge," said Jim, stepping for
ward and blandly addressing the
Court, "I'd be happy to oblcgc ye,
but the fact is its impossible"
"What do You mean?" roared his
Honor.
"Ye see," explained Jim, "it's
Pops wash-day-her names Polly,
but call her Pop-and she's sent
me to town arter some bluein', and
onless Pm back in time-Well yc
know Jedge, how it is ycrself."
Fierce as Old Rum was in public,
it was currently said he was tame
enough at home-in fact, that his
acquaintance with the proverb of
the "gray mare'' was something
more than theoretical. At all events
Jim's appeal to the court experience
had quite the opposite of a soothing
effect.
"Take your seat on the jary!" thun-
dered Old Rum; "and if hear any
more such impertincncc, I'll-I.l II
-,
"All right" said Jim submissively
starting toward the jury box.
"Look'e here, Sheriff." he whis-
pered, in passing; '.jest let me go
and look arter my critter, and I'll be
back by the time you've nabbcd the
other eleven"
The other eleven were speedily Sc
cured; for Old Rum would listen to
no excuse-not even to that OF Hans
Pretzelpresser, who solemnly pro-
tested he could nicM cerstehen En-
glish.
els the jury full, Mr.. Bumkin?''
inquired the Judge, looking up fro1n
his newspaper.
"Y-yes, your Honor" answered,
hesitatingly; "only Mr.. Bleerly has
stepped out to see his horse.''
"Who gave him permission?"
had to acknowledge l did.
"And who gave you permission
to give him permission?"
TO this rather complex question,
l thought it best to make no an
swer.
"Call the juror at the doorv'
beloved the Judge.
The bailiff sent to do so, returned
with the report that he had seen
Jim Bleerly leaving town on a full
gallop; and that, in passing the
court house, he had given sort of
military salute - but, instead of
toaching his cap, he had applied
his thumb to the tip of his nose.
Old Rum turned green and pur-
pie. 1t was some moments before
he could command utterance. Rage
had fairly taken away his breath.
snake out an attachment for con-
tempt against the fugitivew he
directed the clerk as soon as he
could speak-his voice quivering
with passion.
"And, Mr.. B-umkin'-hc laid
marked expression on the B this
time ''if you fail to have the
culprit here before court adjourns,
IA make an example Of you. !"
knew the old sinner well enough
to know he would keep his word,
especially when he promised to do
mean thing. So, leaving deputy
to act in my place, l took the writ,
as soon as the clerk had signed it,
and set out to serve it.
On reaching Jim's shanty it
hardly rose to the dignity Of q cab.