The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1871-01-12
MISCELLANEOUS.

An old farmer said of minister who Sc
sermons were much wanting in point.
"Ah yes; he's good man, l dare say.
but he will rake with the teeth upward. "
A lady, in reply to some guests who
praised the mutton on the table, said !:
'Oh yes, my husband always buys the
best; he is great epicac."
Punch thinks it would be real bless
ing to mothers if somebody would invent
soap that would enable mammas to get
their daughters off their hands.
A bachelor friend suggests that in most
marriages considerable "soft SOAP" with
strong lie, is used, and the whole opera
ton ends in sharing.
The following sentence of only thirty
four letters contains all the letters in the
alphabet John quickly extempolized
five tow bags
A little one after undergoing the I'M
pleasant operation of vaccination, ex-
claimed: ''Now I won't have to be bap-
tized, will I?''
A female lecturer said :-"Getmarried,
young men, and be quick about it, Don t
wait for the millennium. for the girls to
become angels. You'd look we'll beside
an angel, wouldn't you, you block heads2,'
Is it true that there is poetical inspira-
| ton in tea, coffee, and such mild stimu-
lants? Certainly, it is. There is the
| case of Edgar A. Poe, for instance. A
lite would have made Edgar A. Poet.
Josh Billings says: The Hue man il
like little pig; he is weaned young,
and begins to root early. He is the pep
persass Nv creation. the allspice NV the
world. One live man in village is like
case Nv itch in district skule-he sets
everybody to scratching at onest.
A charitable man was boasting to Lord
Palmerston, 81 spend half my income in
charity. [ assure you ; [ do, indeed |
give thousands of pounds away. Gener-
osity covers everything Including
modesty, sometimes added his lord
ship.
Old lady to hackman "But these
hacks are dangerous. You never know
who rides in them. We might get the
small pox." Coachy: 'You' We no cause
to be afeared of my coach, mum, for I've
'ad the hind wheel waccinated, and ii
took beautiful
A farmers wife in speaking of the
smartness, aptness, and Intelligence Of
her son, LAD six years old, said: He
can read fuently, repeat the whole cate
chism, and weed onions, as well as his
father" 'Yes, mother" added the
young hopeful, "and yesterday [ licked
Ned Rawson, throwed the cat in the well,
and stole old Hickley's gimblet. +"
A friend once told US a story of an &c
centric minister, in large parish of York
shire, we believe, who after Lent was
over, had seventeen couples to marry al
once 10 grand common service at church.
In the course Of the weddings, he asked
one Of the men to pledge himself to the
wrong woman. The man naturally pro
tested, but was told, "Hold your tongue!
l will marry you all now and here. You
can sort yourselves going home"
Father: "Mary, my love, do you re-
member the text of this morning % mo,
pa, never can remember the text, I've
such bad memory" Mother: by
the way, did you notice Susan Brown?
Mary: ooh yes; what a fright She
had on her last year bonnet done up, a
pea green silk "a black lace mantilla, brown
boots, an inhalation honiton collar, la
va bracelet, her old earrings, and such a
fan-O my !" Mother: "Well, my
dear, your memory is certainly bad"