The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1871-08-03
rRAYELING ExPERIENCE.
How l Secured a Berth.
ny DOM PIATT.

ON nun. anu Wuut u luC SOtu VI ~
Nobody needs protection; ifany one does,
it is benevolent, good.looking, innocent
sort Of nlan-such us the writer OF this.
was leaving on the morning train once
from Philadelphia, when n respectable
looking old scOundrel in gold'rlmmeu
glasses asked me 10 take charge OF his
daughter. She could have taken charge
of me. She was thirty ii q day, with
face that had been on the offensive Tor ten
wears, I'd like to see any man attack
that woman; I'd go odds ten to one on the
scratch.
The old fellow seemed to be in great
hurry, a thrusting the lady under my arm
left Tic cars and drove off In u thin
angular voice, that was meant to be very
sweet and was not, she asked me TO take
her pOcket.bOok and get the necessary
ticket left the car Tor that purpose,
but when approached the opening where
the ticket agent, kept in solitary Contine.
ment, snaps at the world outside, | found
that had lett my pocket.bOOk under my
pillow at the hotel, and what was worse,
my watch with it. had about twenty
minutes, and jumping into hack l prom.
ised the driver ten dollars il he would get
to the hotel and back in time for the
train, He started oil ut furious rate,
ran over m apple stand Icrlppleda veneer
able gentleman ON the corner opposite,
and IN less than the time stated | and the
driver found ourselves marched oil to
the station in the hands OF the police.
We were taken before Corpu-
lent Justice of the Peace, who had Us
much adipoise in his head as most men
carry about their muscles, and 1t took the
old fellow Just two hours TO try, reprl::
mand and fine US for our drunken and
disorderly conduct. Ofcourse the train
went oil with my charmer, 1t went off
without her pocket book. never saw
her again, although made dillgent search
and advertised in the daily papers. But
one fortunate day, some months alter, l
encountered a male member OF her lamt'
", who made some serious charges against
me connected with the desertlon Of lady
and stealing her pocketbook. | tired to
explain, but, failing toget my words in
satisfactorily, was forced to make an as
saut on this male member oil her family,
that ended in some black eyes and bloody
noses.
Now what was the good Of putting that
aged female under my care? 1t only led
to her giving me that pOCket.bO0k and the
catastrophe that followed. She could just
rs well have gone off on the Pennsylya-
mia Central without rs with Inc. The
. thing Is an outrage, lfpeople want TO put
their females under tho care OF anybody
j., let them try the Conductors-they are
hired Tor such purpOses-and not impose
: upon innocent passengers.
4 was reminded Of this by an adventure
, that happened to me the other night in
, New York. | was about leaving on the
! 0 o'clock train for Washington, when q
. man who was in search Of me approach
r cd. know he was in search Of me. lie
was in search of some respectable benev'
client individual to put woman under
his care. And he did She happened tC
v he rather gOodloOking, and didn't OBJ
e. eCt in n violent way, but was neilhel
n very graceful or gracious over the com
plimCnt. When came to secure o sec
Q ton In tho sleepingCar, found that
l. delegation of piOus people were going tC
n Washington on some charitable business
and had taken nearly MI the berths.
, secured twO-at least ! thought had
u and marched my female with her two
n carpet sacks, strup.satchCl, Il mocking
II bird, and u silk umbrella, with water
proof and two shawls into lOl. When
we arrived inside, l learned for the first
i time that my unprotected female could
:, not abide the sleeping cars. She said she
n felt like sulIOCating, and | wished secretly
: she would suiIOCate; but when we can't
To occupy our bCrths made two disagree
9 able discoveries. The first was that the
:. two tickets called for the same berth; thu
n other, that this berth was the upper one
Ny female friend said positively that sht
y could not get intO that berth. | Informed
g her that II was her only chance TO sleep
.. and she told me that she would rather 81
10 up. then gave her the further informa
, ton that that was all very well, but In
Ii sleeping car there was no place to sit ex
&c cept on wash basin, and that though
@ would be rather inCOnvenent. At last
with the aid of n stepladder, the stewart
and two pious old Pomps, my unprotect
II cd female was boosted into her roost, ant
II the curtains closed over her for the night
,, Then came the question as TO what hat
become of the undersigned. | consulted
n the conductor and the steward and hat
:, the satisfaction Of hearing the fact statet
" that II had told them earlier the blunde
y might have been rCmedied. But, as
X was, the piOus delegation had retired 10
4 the night, and all their berths were OCCu
:, pied The conductor, however, told m
~ that lie would try and make some al
Is rangement, and then. went off about hi
business.
A drunken man had been captured O
he the platform as we started, where he wa
A. found addressing the stars in voCiferOu
n way, the sleeping.Car ticket tlShed out
his pocket and the inebriate fellON
W chuckGd into an upper berth. | was lear
p ing against the wAsh.stand Of the car In
very melancholy way sometime after
when this intoxicated fellow stuck hi
h head out and, addressing me, said
If. ~ would like to have drink"
"Watcr?" said 1.
mo, curse II, darn water want som
ii. whisky; am dry rs chip"
no "Well," l responded, 81 am sorry to 50
that | have none about me"
"Ain't you the conductor"
mo-" responded ~ don't believe
am"
lie "NOr do l. II you were the Conductc
st you would have something to drinI
!, Where is the conductor"
y, told him he was In the other car.
Ell "Well," he said, II have great mind
IN get up and hustle around till get
eC. drink" MI.
r. "NIy Christian friend" l said, there
=, nothing in the constitution nor the sixtee
y. amendments that prohibits you from &c
~ ting up and hunting a drink, If yo
y! IN want H."
~ Whereupon the inebrialed indivldul