Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1871-03-16
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

TIE Father Of the Cereals" Pop"
corn.
"LoNe and Successful Reign The
Deluge.
SLEIaHINe all day is said to be killing
time.
How to Spoil Child-Send him to fill
lighted kerosene lamp.
THERE have been rs earthquakes in the
past two years.
JUDY says: A man who sees battle
from balloon is generally hgh-wit-
ness.
AN English paper, speaking of very
tall actor, says, BY Jove, he's tall enough
to act in two parts"
TWELVE persons who were over one
hundred years old died in New Orleans
in 1870.
ISAAC Rail-, undertaken, of Terre Haute,
Ind. has buried over 5000 people in the
course of his career.
THE water from the salt well at Terre
Haute, Ind, will completely dissolve a tin
cup in twenty -four hours.
"A PENNY for your thoughts, MISS" said
a gentleman to pert beauty. They are
not worth farthing, sir" she replied; Il
was thinking Of YOU"
WHEN man is unable to tell the time
by his watch, because there are taco hands,
and he doesn't know whether ber-
lieve," it Is tolerable sure sign that he has
partaken of more refreshment than nature
requires.
THIS is the way q Colorado lover ex-
pressed admiration for his fair: "She's
peeler, she is. She killed baar when
she was fifteen, and a Digger Indian when
she was eighteen; and now she II whip her
weight in wildcats"
A PROMINENT dry.goods merchant of
Boston worked half an hour on the follow
swer; eff fourteen men build stone wall
in nine days, how long will it take five
men to build a like wall in six days?"
QUILp and his wife had bit of conten.
ton the other day. 81 own that you have
more brilliancy than l." said the woman,
"but have the better judgment" Yes"
said Quilp, "your choice in marriage
shows that" Quilp was informed that he
was brute.
The venerable wife of celebrated ply
stefan in Boston one day observed her
husband in the funeral procession of one
of his patients, at which she exclaimed:
81 do wish my husband would keep away
from such professions; it appears too
much like tailor carrying home his own
work"
DIR. EDWARD II. CLARKE says that
the American people are strangely fond of
dosing, and seem willing to experiment
upon themselves by taking drugs whose
names they cannot write or pronounce
correctly, of whose properties they are ig
norant and in quantities that no intelli-
gent physician would dare to prescribe.
A DRAWING MASTER, worrying his pupil
with contemptuous remarks upon his lack
of ability, ended by asking: Now, sir, if
you were going to draw me, what part of
me would you commence with first?" The
boy, with meaning look into the masters
face, answered, very quietly, "Your neck,
sir"
PRooF POSITIVE" Why do you op-
pose the giving of the ballot to womeni"
asked lady, the other evening, of a con-
tirmed bachelor. Excuse me, madam"
replied he, "but have not sufficient con-
fidence in their capacity to conduct gov
eminent affairs. What evidence of
their mental infeTiority to mankind can
you advance?" queried the lady. A sim
pie fact is enough to satisfy my mind, and
that is the frightful way in which they do
up their back hair"
A POOR soldier in New Hampshire, who,
afterthree applications, succeeded in getting
800 bounty, sent at once $40 to an uncle
who had loaned him that amount when he
was in desperate need. A few days ago
the uncle died, and by his will left the al
most penniless soldier all his estate, valued
at 100000, giving as his reason for so
doing, that he had many times lent money
to his relatives, and he alone had repaid
him.
AN acquaintance from the country hav-
ing visited some friends, and being about
to depart, presented little boy, one of the
family, with half dollar, in the presence
Of his mother "Please, is it gooG one 7"
said the lad Certainly" replied the gen.
tleman, surprised "why do you ask ?"
Because I'd rather have bad one they'd
let me keep it; if get any good money
1t goes into the bank, and never get it
again"
works silently and in the shade. One of
who will not allow his name to be men,
up hospital for all strangers at the
corner Of Avenue d and Tenth street.
The patients of all countries and creeds
are welcomed, entertained without charge,
at the expense of the founder. Our best
physicians and surgeons have promised
their attendance Also 1t is a noble char
ity. May God bless the giver and all who
aid in carrying out his happy designs.
OLD Madame Rothschild, mother Of the
mighty capitalists, attained the age Of
ninety eight; her wit, which was remark
able, and her intellectual faculties, which
were of no common order. were preserved
to the end. In her last Illness, when sur.
rounded by her family, her physician be-
ing present, she said, in suppliant tone
to the latter: "Dear doctor, try to do
something for me-" Madame, what can
/ do! can't make you young again"
No, doctor, / don't want to be young
again, but want to continue TO grow old"
A PORTLAND paper is publishing what
purports TO be extracts from diary kept !
by Hawthorne, when boy of ten years, |
while he was spending some timei in Maine. |
This is paragraph: This morning the |
bucket got off the chain, and dropped back |
into the well. wanted to 60 down on the |
stones and get il Mother would not con- |