The Lincoln County herald., 1871-12-14
TERMS or ADVER rIsi ne.
Why was Sedan dsstroysd2 Because
il was so dam wicked.

Why was Sedan destroyedf Becaus>
it was o-dam wicked.
The man who popped the question BY
starlight, got his sweetheart's consent 10
q twinkling. ...-
The last instance Of modesty is that Of
. lady who refused to wear . watch ia
her bosom because it had hands. ..
Prof. Doshu is exhibiting huge posters
throughout the States as wonderful
magician, and he has magical method OF
evading his printing bills.
Reynolds, tho dramatist, observing to
Martin the thinness Of the house at one
Of his own plays added, "He supposed it
was owing to the war" "No," replied
the latter, "it is owing to tho piece"
Daniel, Purcell, tho famous punstsr,
was desired one night 10 company to
make a pun extempore. Upon what
subject?" said Daniel. "The king" an.
swered the other. "Oh, sir" said he,
"the king is no subject"
A Hartford editor having twitted an
editor in a neighboring city Of being
bald, subsequently sapologised and ex-
planned that, "as long as M can fold
his ears over tho top Of bis head, he
doesn't need any hair anyhow"
Twenty years ago an o'd farmer in
Main bought some furniture, aeresing to
give barrel of apples "to-boot." The
dealer heard nothing more of it until the
other day, when q wagon stopped before
his door and a voice shouted "here's the
apples"
A Wisconsin wife, the mother Of twen.
ty two children, informed her pastor tie
other day that she had read much about
people being rendered perfect through
suffering. "lf suffering" she added,
can make woman perfect, I am the most
perfect person on Gods footstool."
CURE Eon CoRSs,-'Taks little sweet
oil, on getting up in tho morning aud
before retiring at night, and rub it on
the corn with the tip Of the finger, keep.
ing the corn we'll pared down. This 70.
lieves the friction, which causes corns,
and will cure them in short time.
A schoomaster in Fredouia. kansas,
whipped one Of his pupils severely the
other day, in consequence Of which the
father of the boy broke the teachers nose
with a stone. The psdagogue paid ton
dollars and the angry parent twenty fos
their little amusement
A lady had q favorite lap dog, which
she called Perchance. IA singular name
for a beautiful pet. madam" said some.
body; "where did you find it? "Oh,"
drawled she, ''it was named from Byron's
dog. You romcmbor whero he ssyr,
'Perchauce my dog will howl"
Quilp and bis wife had bit of con.
tention tho other day. II own that you
have more brilliaucy than l." said the
woman, "but l have the better judg-
ment." Quiip retorted: "Yes, your
choice in marrying shows thatr' and was
informed that he was brute.
"Mr. Brown, you said the defendant
was honest and intelligent. What makes
you think so? Are you acquainted with
him? "No, sir, l have never seen him."
"Why, then, do you come to such CON-
clusiou 2" because he takes ten news.
papers and pays for them iu advance. :"
Verdict for defendant.
A Connecticut deacon nearly captured
five boys who had been devastating his
chestnut trees on Sunday afternoon.
Shaking his fist after their retreatiug
forms, uugrily shouted "These sneak
ing little devils if had hold of 'em
one minute, Id -" and then suddenly
espying his pastor on the scene, he i'm.
pressivcly added, I'D pray for EN- |"
Woman was toasted iu the following
style at the recent anniversary Of the
Richmond Light Infantry Blues: "Wo.
man-pure as Q snowflake as it falls upon
the cold peaks of Cactian Alps beauti.
full as the hour that bathes herself 10 the
crystal fountains ofthe Mosleu, paradise; ;
graceful rs the peri aaoat on her she'll
skin over the calm waters of tho dark
blue sea vain, worse than vain, tho warn.
ing to guard the heart when intellect
flashes from her bright eye, and the light
Of the soul is breatded like music upoa
her face" .....
Old Squire H vas q very successful
AMI substantial farmer, in an interior
town Of Massachusetts, and more amas.
ing eater never lived. Especially much
did he eat when fresh pork WAS to be
the nourishmeut. At q certain time ono
of his hogs had been killed. The next
morning there was to DO fresh pork for
breakfast, aud the old man ate most
woudrously. In the course Of the fore.
noon he ate his luncheon, consisting of
bread aud butter, mincs pie and cheese.
At noon his d,nuer consisted of fresh
pork, pickels, mince pie, and the usual
accompaniments. His afternoon lunch
was like that Of the forenoon. When hs
came homo to- his supper his favorite
dish had not been prepared as part of
that meal. Tho old mau fretted and
scOlded till fresh novk vas ,ddcd N tha