Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1871-03-02
TWICE MISTAKEN.


CHRIsTMAs EVE. Halfpast nine.
Crumms comes into my room to clear
II suppose, sir" he says, as though 1t
were subject not admitting of doubt
81 suppose you don't dine home to mgr
row."
Both the tone and remark arc unfortu-
nate. have not an invitation to dine out,
and cannot insist upon dining at home,
as nv arrangements with the Crummses
provides for dinner on Sundays only. had
Intended to put my difficulty to my land
lady, who is good natured ard easily per-
suaded / find, instead, | have her nus
band to deal with, so / close my book
slowly and say. Well" as II l were
thinking and not quite certain.
Mrs Crumms would have waited TO hear
what had TO say not 80 her husband.
He looks surprised at my hesitation, and
quickly puts in clincher.
Most gentlemen dine out on Christmas
day." he says, staring at the wall some
feet above my head "and Mrs. Crumms
always expects holiday on that day.
/ feel after that statement the only
thing to be done is TO surrender grace
fully.
"Of course; quite right. o yes shall
dine out, Crulnms."
"Very well, sir" he replies, in tone as
If he had never raised the question, but
was simply taking an order in his old Ca
pacity Of hotelwaiter. Anything else,
sir? Good night, sir"
Then Crumms goes down stairs triumph
ant, and doubly regret having stayed in
town, instead Of going home, since i shall
have to get my solitary Christmas dinner
1T a London hotel.
Christmas Day. Mrs. Crunms this
time brings in my breakfast She has a
large apron pinned over the front of her
dress and her sleeves are tucked up, which
mean, with her, cooking. AS she sets out
the things, she wishes me the compliments
of the season. "And hope you'll enjoy
yourself, SIR" she adds; for am sure
you want holiday, with your sitting here
reading to all hours of the night"
She means it kindly, and not as hint.
pay for my own Goals and candles-for
the former particularly, they being sup
piled by the Crummscs-so / thank her
for her good wishes. don't anticipate
much enjoyment; on the contrary, | am
ut a loss to know what to do with my
self, and heartily wish that the day was
over.
One o'clock. I see through the window,
n I come back from church, that the
Crummses are at high dinner. Crumms
himself ia in his shirt-sleeves and on his
legs, and looks very much as il he were
making speech. There are cries Of
"Bravo, par and great deal OF laughter,
both of which subside very rapidly as /
knock. One of the smallest of the many
small Crmmses comss to the door with
her little cheeks and chin bearing unmis-
taxable signs Of pudding. She just peeps
out to see who it is, and then scampers
away, as if afraid Of losing some of the
good things in the parlor. For this want
Of respect to the ledger hear her mamma
Yebuke her sternly, and then Crumms says,
"Neyer mind, mother: nobody is naughty
on Christmas day" Rounds of applause
go up stairs, and "pa" proceeds with his
speech.
1wo o'clock ring the bell for some hot
water, and Crum answers it in full wait
ing dress, white tie, dress coat, and low
cut waistcoat, showing large amount of
shirt-front with an elaborate frill. He
" .lks into the room as If he Is very proud
of himself, and is more waiter.like in his
manner than usual
Hot water to wash with. sir. Yes SIR"
Disappears and reappears with the Jug,
~
why, Crumms," ask, where are you
going?"
Out waiting, SIR" He pauses for
minute, then becomes less majestic and
more confidential. IL always go out wait
ing on Christmas day" he adds, and /
have been TO the same house for the last
fourteen years. The gentleman aud lady
are O couple as came to the Crown nj New
ford the year / married Mrs. Crumms. We
were both at the hotel, you know, and
were Just leaving To come up here. The
lady took great liking to Mrs. Crumms,
and one day she said to me, So, you and
your wife are going up to London, Crumms
Now you must come and wait at my house
when we want help And l have been
there every Christmas day since thcn--not
missed one. go on other days"--he says
this quickly in an off hand manner, rs II
the other days were of no Importance
"but they amt regular"
"You go there and help wait, sup
poser" j..
swell, ! do most of the waiting; all of
il, you may say" he replies. They don't
keen man, and there are only the female
servants. They amt much good, not like
Mrs. Crumms She could wait, she could.
She was wonderful handy. That's what
first made mt look at her!
"And where do you go to?" | inquire.
"Bedford Square. Domville is the gen
ileman,s name y
On the spur of the moment, just to see
what Crumms will say, ask, will you
take me with you TO day."
"You, sir!" he replies, in surprise.
Well-really, sir, don't think Mr.. Dom
vile would--though l have known him
these fourteen years, l am afraid he'd
think II rather presumtuous of me to in
troduce gentleman into his house
~ suppose So" l answer; the idea of
the waiter introducing friend as a guest
q the dinner being certainly very absurd.
"But didn't mean Ahat. Take me with
you to wait"
"Youl You go out waiting!" says
Crumms, holding his breath.
"Yes; If you will take me-"
"Welll do call that good joke" he
sxsps out. "Lord, sir, what an idea =
Then, dropping his waterlike manner al
together and becoming Thoroughly human,
he bursts out laughing.
I had only intended to chaff Crumms,
a. vgit i'm