Beaufort Republican. [volume] (Beaufort, S.C.) 1871-1873, 1871-11-16
ghe 9eanfprt 3epahlieaa,
THURSDAY NOVEMBER, 1G, 1871.
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

but not her jaw.
A warning for fashionable assemblies.
Look out for paint.
Why areylawyers like ivy?-Because
the greater the run, the more they cling.
Epitaph on blind wood sawyer: While
none ever saw him see, thousands have
seen him saw.
ga lady was lately hugged to death in
Minnesota"-Another Illustration of 'the
power of the press"
There are thirty postmistresses in Tex
Two Englishmen have been eaten by
the Feejeeans, who speak highly Of their
tenderness and gamey flavor.
Advice to children mind your mothers.
Advice to mothers mind your children.
Horace Greeley,is reported as authori-
ty for the last rule to secure profit from
poultry. If it is desired to make them
lay, he says, tie their legs together, and
then they can't stand up.
A Newton man of poor means, but lof-
ty feelings, having expressed wish to be
buried with pomp, his well-meanirg but
misguided relatives planted him in col
ored graveyard
A minister made an interminable call
upon lady Of his acquaintance. Her lit
tie daughter who was present, grew very
weary Of bis conversation and at last
whispered in an audible key: "Didn't he
bring his amen with him, mammal"
A little girl wants to know il feas are
white, because her uncle told her that
''Mary had little lamb with feas as white
as snow.n
Why is a woman tying her corset like
a man drinking to drown care?-Because
in so lacing herself she becomes tighter.
A Western paper says that the water IS
30 low in the Mississippi River that the
steamboats, have to keep whistling to keep
cows out of the channel, and if this state
of things continue it is proposed to attach
a cow catcher to the end Of the boat.
A Connecticut Democrat sent his son to
New York to complete his education, AT
ter short time the son wrote to his faith
er that he was studying Horace" On
learning this the paternal parent replied,
"Come home !; 1 don't want Greeley to
make Republican of my son."
A quaint old gentleman of an active,
stirring disposition had man at work in
his g, T ,en who WAS quite the reverse.
"Jtnes," said he, "did you ever see
snail?p"'Certainly," said Jones. "Then,"
said the old boy, ''you must have met
him, for you never could overtake him."
The following epitaph is by Moore, on
an attorney named Shaw;
s'Here lies John Shaw,
Attorney at law:
And when he died
The devil cried,
'Give us your paw,
John Shaw,
Attorney at laWl"
sI am rich enough" says Pope to
Swift, sand can afford to give away hun
dIed pounds year. would not crawl
upon the earth without doing little
good. i will enjoy the pleasure of what
/ give, giving it while alive and seeing an
other enjoy it. When die 1 should be
ashamed to leave enough for monument
if there was wanting friend above
ground"
A colored member ofthe Legislature of
Texas was met upon the street with a
large roll of greenbacks in his hand, and
eackling so loud that he attracted the at
tentlon of the bystanders who said to
him: ''WEat are you laughing at JimY'
Jim replied, "you see that money? p
eyes" "Weli, Boss, l just got that for
nv vote; Use been bought four or five
times in my life, but dis is the fust time 1
ever got de cash myself"
A woman save what she chooses with
ont being abused for it. She can take
nap after dinner while her husband goes to
work. She can 60 into the street without
being asked to stand treat at every saloon.
She can stay home while her husband
goes to work. She can stay at home in
time of war, and get married again if her
husband gets killed. She can wear cor
sets if too thick, and other fixing if too
Thin. She can get divorce from her
husband if she sees one she likes better.
She can get her husband in debt all over,
M i he warns the public not to trust her.