davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18
Wit and HumOr.

WHEN is water most liable to escape
When it is only halftide.
The line of business some strong
minded ladies take up-The mascu-
line.
THERE is no need Of praising the
present style of ladies' dresses, for they
are "puffed" enough already.
"SIR, you have the advantage of me-"
"Quite right; you are quite right, sir.
Almost everybody of common sense
has"
ONE of our lmportunate juveniles who
solicit pennies was asked, I" Where is
your mother?" She answered diffident-
ly, "She is dead" Have you faith
err" Yes, sir, but he is sick" "What
ails him ?" continued the questioner.
He has got sore finger, sir" " In
deed |" Yes, sir, "Then why don't
he cut it Off" "Please, SIR" respond
ed the little maid, che hain't got any
money to buy q knife" ...
"CLARA, | love but thee alone P'-
thus sighed the tender youth. so,
hear me, then, my passion own with
trembling lips and earnest tones. In
deed, / speak the truth" He paused,
the blush o'erspread her cheek; she let
him draw her near; scarce for emotion
could she speak, yet did she ask, in ac-
cents meek, "how much have you a
week?"
A LECTURER undertook to explain to
village audience the word phenome-
non. Maybe you don't know what
phenomenon is. Well, I'll tell you.
You have seen COW, no doubt Well,
a bow is not phenomenon. You have
seen an appletree. Well, an appletree
is not phenomenon. But when you
see the cow go up the tree tail foremost,
to pick the apples, it IS phenomenon"
A WESTERN preacher explained the
passage through the Red Sea by say
ing that the Israelites crossed on the
ice. An auditor interrupted, remarking
there is no ice under the equator.
"Sir," said the excited preacher, "this
happened thousands of years before the
age of geographers, and before there was
any equator ! think, brethren and
sisters, | have answered the gentleman
completely"
ONE of the jury in recent criminal
case at New Orleans was the proprietor
of beer saloon. The counsel in the
case was describing to them the charac-
ter of Ganymede. The saloon-keeper
was very much interested, and listened
attentively. His earnestness caused the
counsel to ask: "Do you understand
me?" 80, yes" said the juryman;
"Ganymede was a sort of beer,jerker."
WHEN Professor FELTON,, reading A
Midsummer Nights Dream to the Cap
tain of ship of which he was a passen-
ger, came to the description of EberOn
sitting on a promontory listening to
mermaid on a dolphin's back, the sea-
man was disgusted. "The dolphin's
back" said he, {" is as sharp as razor,
and no mermaid could possibly ride the
beast unless she first saddled him u
DURING a steam voyage on sudden
stoppage of the machinery, considerable
alarm took place among the female pas
sengers.
"What is the matter? What is the
matter? For Heavens sake tell me
the worst p exclaimed one more anx-
ious than the rest.
After short pause hoarse voice re-
piled, "Nothing madam, nothing.
Only the bottom of the vessel and the
top of the earth are stuck together"
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18
The Wives of Greece.

They were usually married when very
young. Their occupations were to
weave, to spin, to embroider, to super
intend the household, to care for their
sick slaves. They lived in a special and
wealthy seldom went abroad, and never
except when accompanied by female
slave; never attended the public specta-
cles received no male visitors except
in the presence of their husbands, and
had not even seat at their own tables
when male guests were there. Their
pre-eminent virtue was fidelity, and it
is probable that this was very strictly
and very generally observed. On the
other hand, living as they did, almost
exclusively among their female slaves,
deprived of all the educating influence
of male society, and having no place at
those public spectacles which were the
chief means of Athenian culture, their
minds must necessarily have been ex-
ceedingly contracted. Thucydides
doubtless expressed the prevailing SEN
timent of his countrymen, when he
said that the highest merit of woman is
not to be spoken of either for good or
for evil, and Phidias illustrated the
same feeling when he represented the
heavenly Aphrodite standing on tor
toise, typifying thereby the secluded
life of virtuous woman. In the writ
ings of Xenophon we have charming
picture of a husband who had received
into his arms his young wife of fifteen,
absolutely ignorant of the world and its
ways. He speaks to her with extreme
kindness, but in the language that
would be used to little child. Her
task, he tells her, is to be like queen
bee, dwelling continually at home and
experimenting the work of her slaves.
She must distribute to each their tasks,
must economic the family income, and
must take especial care that the house
is strictly orderly-the shoes, the pots;
and the clothes always in their places.
1t is also, he tells her, part of her duty
to tend her sick slaves; but here his
wife interrupted him, exclaiming, ''Nay,
but that will indeed be the most agree
able of my offices, if such as [ treat
with kindness are likely to be grateful
and to love me more than before"
With very tender and delicate care to
avoid everything resembling reproach,
the husband persuades his wife to give
up the habits of wearing high-heeled
boots in order to appear tall, and of
coloring her face with vermilion and
white lead. He promises her that, if
she faithfully performs her duties, he
will himself be the first and most de
voted of her slaves. He assured
Socrates that, when any domestic dis
pute arose, he could extrlcate himself
admirably if he was in the right; but
that whenever he was in the wrong, he
found it impossible to convince his wife
that it was otherwise.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18
Life and Times
BY JOHN DENNIS.


Life is so cheap and yet so dear
w prize, but we scorn it too,
And plod our round from year to year
With little or to hope or do:
Each day brings fretful cares and toll,
And sorrows come and joys depart
And we grow old with weary toll.
Or else from listlessness of heart
What matters which? what matters how?
Time heedeth not our fftful moods,
But stamps its signet on our brow
In city life or soltudes
And We grow old yet scarcely feel
The incessant whirling of the wheel.
Nor heed the traces that declare
We are not now what once we were;
The world has worn us to its ways;
Do this it says, and we obey;
There is no freedom in our praise
And little courage left to pray.
At moments with a sudden pain
We gasp and cry for youth again,
And wonder where the joy has gone,
Which we were wont to feed upon
When Love with Life walked hand in hand
When twas boundless bliss to dare
The mighty peaks that guard tn e land
Where wisdom dwells serenely fair
Dear Heaven! how strong and rich we were--
For JOY breeds strength, and hope gives power
And knowledge is the young mans dover,
And youthful dreams are fair domains,
And happy thoughts are golden gains.
The dreams are gone, the rapture past,
Each year moves calmly like the last
The sea that foamed with deaf ming roar
Creeps lagard-like along the shore,--
We troad the footsteps of our Sires
With petty aims and mean desires,
And idly act our little part
Like puppets fashioned for a show:-
Teach u.s. o Lord how great thou art,
That we our greatness, too, may know.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18
For the Ladies.

SAILORS HATS have been delegated to
the shop girls.
WATCH-CHAIN trinkets and charms are
in fashion once more.
LILAC afternoon toilets are popular,
pretty, stylish, and generally becoming.
EASTERN fashionables show symptoms
of relapse into the Grecian bend absur-
dity.
BLACK LACE is more used for trimming
dresses of every description than any
thing else this season.
A CoTEMPoRARY thinks that one fault
of female writer's is "proneness to in
consequent conclusions"
The Windsor jacket is made of white
cashmere, trimmed with black velvet,
and made with tight fitting sleeve.
Miss EMMA STEBBINs, the eminent
sculptures, is spending the summer with
her sister, Mrs. John R. Garland, at
Hyde Park, N. Y.
| DECIDED coLors are eschewed in fash
ionable circles this year-pale shades in
blue, green, pink, buff and mauve being
more in favor.
N1LssoN's wardrobe comprises no less
than three and twenty thin afternoon
dresses, and, singular as it may seem,
she only wears one of 'em at time.
A BRIDAL WREATH should be composed
of orange buds and jasmin, and laid
across the braid or Pompadour roll, and
the ends should be left to trail over the
back hair.
FASHIONABLE authority avrrs that
" hereas, not long ago, a lady's social po-
sition was Judged from the length of
her train, now the crucial test is in the
greater or lest cost of her short dresses.
AN EFFECTIVE ball dress of black tulle
is trimmed with puffings, divided by
soft ruchings of white and black silk.
Another black black and white toilet is
of silk trimmed with white fringe COW
cred with black lace.
IT is said that fashionable ladies, next
winter, are to wear overdresses, In the
shape of polonaise made of sealskin
and plush, to be word over black or
brown silk dresses, with bonnets; muffs,
and tippets to match.
The ladies of nobility abroad wear for
deep mourning, black dresses with Grim
son trimmings. This is called court
mourning, but is not considered CONNIE
IL faut by the other classes of society.
The ladies will be interested to know
that new trimming, called killing.
has just made its appearance. 1t is
made of fine book muslin, edged with
imitation lace, and laid by machinery,
in regular fiat plaits.
The front breadths of grenadine and
silk dresses are trimmed with wide
bands of velvet or silk, running length
wise in the skirt, the upper skirt being
left open to display it. The waist is also
trimmed in the same manner, and has a
very stylish effect.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18

JENNIE JONES was very pretty little
girl and it was the first time she had
ever been visiting by herself. She was
spending the afternoon with one of her
schoolmates, and when it came teatime,
Jennie was invited to stop to tea.
No thank ma'am," she said shyly,
in answer to the request.
~ guess you had BETTER" said her
little friends mother, good hospitable
Mrs. Morse "set right up to the table
along with Sairy-won't you nowr
Jennie fidgetted, twisted her apron,
put her finger in her mouth, and finally
electrified the company by remarking ::
+" Well don't know ma said was
to say, No, thank you, the first time |
was asked, but-but-if you urged me
could stayr
1t is scarcely necessary to add that
she stayed.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18
Why the Rose is Red.

The rose of old, they say. was white.
Till Love, one day. in a wanton light.
Flirting away from flower to flower.
A rose-tree brushed in evil hour;
The spreading leaves concealed thorn
By which the boy gods foot was torn.
The precious drops in plenteous flow
Fell on a roses breast below,
And all her snow-white virgin pride
In blushing pure carnation died,
To tell to future times unborn
How Love was wounded by thorn.
Sobbing with pain and weeping dew,
The wounded boy to Venus flew;
But few the ills which boys endure
A mothers kisses cannot cure;
And for such pleasure after pain,
Love would be often prick'd again!
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18
COUGH NO MORE.

Warmers Cough Balsam is healing, sottenng and
expcctorating. The extraordinary power it possesses
in immediately relieving, and eventually curing the
most obstinate cases of Coughs, Colds Sore Throat,
Bronchitis, Influenza, Catarrh, Hoarseness, Asthma
and Consumption is almost incredible So prompt
is the relief and certain its effects in all the above
cases any affection of the throat and lungs that
thousands of physicians daily prescribing it, and
and all say that it is the most healing and eXpec
toratng medicine known. One dose always affords
relief, and in most one bottle effects cure
Sold by druggists, in large bottles Price S.. It is
your own fault fyou still cough and suffer. The Bal
will cure.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18

The following is said to have been a
Yankees reasoning on progress in trans
portation ~ kin reckerlect ten or
twelve years ago, that if started from
Bosting on Wednesday, | cud git in
Philadelphy on the next Saturday,
maxim jist three days. Now l kin get
from Bosting to Philadelphy in one
day; and I've been callatin' that if the
power of steam increases for the next
ten years as it has been doin' for the
last ten years, I'd be IN Philadelply jist
t,Oo days before I started from BOsting."
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18
WINE OF LIFE.

The great Blood Purifier and delicious drink, War
ner's Vinum Vita, Wine of Life, is free from any
poisonous drugs or impurities, being prepared for
those who require stinlulant 1t is splendid appe-
tzer and tonic and the finest thing in the world for
fcous article ever offered to the public far superior to
brandy, whisky, wine bitters, other article 1t
young or old can take the Wine of Life 1t is in fact
and free flow of lively spirits, will do we'll to take
the Wine of Life. 1t is different from any thing ever
before in use. 1t is sold by druggists. Price 81 ia
quart bottles.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18
NO. 40.
Two Pictures.
MORNING.

AOkNlNds
As in a quiet dream,
The mighty waters seem:
Scarcely a ripple shows
Upon their blue repose.
The sea-gulls smoothly ride
Upon the drowsy tide,
And a white sail doth sleep
Far out upon the deep.
A dreamy purple fills
The hollows of the hills;
A single cloud floats through
The Sky's sereneSt blue;
Far beyond the gate
The maSSed vapOrs wait -
White as the walls that ring
The City of the King. ,-r
There is no sound, no word
Only happy bird
Trills to her nesting young
A little, sleepy song.
This is the holy calm; ....
The heavens dropping balm;
The Love made manifest,
And near, the perfect rest.
.ir
EVENING. .r
The day grows wan and cold.
On through the gate of gold
The restless vapors glide,
Like ghosts upon the tide.
The brown bird folds her wing,
Sad, with no song to sing.
Along the streets the dust
Blows sharp, with sudden gust.
The night comes, chill and gray.
Over the sullen bay,
What mournful echoes pass
From lonely Alcatraz!
oh bell, with solemn toll,
AS for a passing soul -
As for a soul that waits,
In vain. at heavens gates!
This is the utter blight;
The sorrow infinite ...
OF earth the closing wave:
The parting, and the grave.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18
TEN THOUSAND TIMES

power equal to other microscopes of many times its
cost Reveals countless little worlds all around us.
teefnifg with life which to the naked eye must for
ever remain sealed b0ok-as Eels in Vinegar, AMI
Milk Gobuies Claws and Hairs of insects, hundreds
of eyes in single eye Of fly, dust of butterfly g
wings be perfectly formed feathers the much talked
of Trchna Spiralis pork worm, Which was first dis
covered in America with this Microscope.
8nd to stiiderts bit N5,ghes iS N greater Ual,te than
The family table, Uithn the reach V eGerp member. 1t
will delight yourself your children and friends during
the long winter evenings. 1t will show you adItera
6ons clealness of various kinds of food sugar.
tea, bread meal, &c.
1t is of inestimable value to the Farmer
In examining insects which prey upon his crops The
power of $50 microscope, and so simple in its
construction that any child can use it undersandingy
and with appreciation.
A beautiful Present, Elegant Instructive, Amusing
and cheap Over 10000 sold.
During the past Sic Years its north has been testified TO
by thousands Of Scientific Men, Farmers School Teachers
Students. PhysiciaMs Heads Of Fanttes. and others
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18
DYSPEP STA.

Warmers Dyspepsia Tonic is prepared expressly for
Dyspeptics and those suffering with habitual cos
hyencss. 1t is slightly stimulating tonic and a
splendid appetizer; it strengthens the stomach and
restores tlG digestive organs TO their healthy state.
Weak. nervous and dyspeptic persons should use
Warmers Dyspepsia Tonic. For sale by druggists.
Price ST.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18
w. J, LINNESS & CO.,

Opticians and Sole Proprietors of Craig and Novelty
Microscope, CHICAGO, I'LL.
AGENTS and DEALERS, this Microscope sells in
every family its merits when exhibited. Large
P'ofts Send for terms
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18
THE CELEBRATED
CIR AlC =.
M | c R 0 S C 0P E

tb6es Of at;re; is of permanent and practicable
availability, combining instruction with amusement,
and never losing its interest 1t magnifes
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18

THE MICROSCOPE" a monthly Journal of in
formation for the people-the mystery of nature
plained-interesting information on the wonders of
Creation-stories sketches, &c. Terms, $1 90 per
year This journal will be sent FREE for one year to
any one purchasing Craig Microscope at the regular
price, 3, (Craig Microscope will be sent post-paid
For sample copy, and our beautifully illustrated and
descriptive circulars and eight pages of testimonials of
Craig Microscope, send three cents for postage to
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18
EMAENAGOGUE.

Warmers Emmenagogue is the only article known to
cure the Whites will cure in every case0 Where is
the family in which this important medicine is not
wantod2 Mothers this is the greatest blessing ever
offered you and you should Immediately procure it.
1t is also for Female Irregularities and it may
be depended upon in every case where the monthly
flow has been obstructed through cold disease
Sold by druggists. Price 81. Or sent by mail re-
ceipt of $l25.
Address 619 State ST., Chicago, Ill.
JAMES ROBERTS, Agent.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18

AN off-hand fellow-one who has lost
both his arms.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18
DODCEVslLE HOTEL,

NFAIN STRFET, DODGEVILIaE, WIS.
vi This is a large new and commodions house,
opened the 4h Of July 1868 1t is fitted up in good
STYLE and supplied with every modern convenience.
Good stabng and Lock Carriage Houses. and every
accommodation for Travellers and Boarders; Having
persons to any part of the county He has always in
stock Pure Wines and Liquors of the best quality.
Terms reasonable.
RICHARD ROGERS, Proprietor.
ms The proprietor has l6O acres of good timber
land for sale.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18
Price, So, by mail, Postpaid.

Every instrument is neatly boxed, and handsomely
labeled with full directions for Thousands have
been sent by mail. Address
w. j. LINNESS & CO.. Chicago.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1871-08-18

You cannot escape from anxiety and
labor; it is the destiny of humanity.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-11-25
Z.lste EE0srr8.

II you want to make the ruin of
a child sure, give him liberty after
dark. You cannot do anything
nearer to insure his total ruin than
to let him have liberty to go where
he will without restraint. After
dark he will be sure to get imto
communication with people that
will undermine all his good quail
ties. | do not like to speak to par
ents about their children. Their
child cannot, will not lie, when his
tongue is like bended bow; he
will not drink, when there is not a
saloon within q mile Of his fathers
house where he isnot as we'll known
as its own decanters he never does
iniquitous things, when he is reek-
ing in filth. Nineteen out Of every
twenty allowed perfect freedom at
night will be wounded by it. There
is nothing more important than for
a child to be at home at night, or,
if he is abroad, you should be with
him. If he is to see any sights or
take any pleasure, there IS nothing
that he should see that you should
not see with him. 1t is not merely
that the child should be broken
down, but there are thoughts that
never ought to find passage into
mans brain. AS an eel, il he wig
gle acress your carpet, will leave
his slime, which no amount Of
brushing can ever etface, SO there
are thoughts that never can be got
rid OF, once permitted to enter and
there are individuals going around
with obscene books and pictures,
that will leave ideas III the mind of
your child that will never he effac-
ed. | do not believe III a child's
seeing life, as it iscalled, with all its
damnable lust and wickedness, to
have all his imagination set on fire
with the flames OF hell. Nobody
goes through this fire but they are
burned, and they can't get rid of
the scars.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-11-25
Qualities of "a Good Collector.

Is on time to a minute when the
debtor says ''come tomorrow at
8 o'clock"
Sits ON the steps and waits his
return when he says, 81 am just
going to dinner"
Insists on stepping out to make
change when the man ''has nothing
less than = twenty"
Will go to an ''old stagerp every
day for a month with a cheerful
couRtenance s'about that little ac-
count'
Doesn't mind edging into a crowd
to ask q fellow.
Will take dollar in part if he
can't get ten in whole, and ''credit
it" with thankful alacrity.
Always suggests a check when
the money is not in hand, as he can
get it "casiled'' tomorrow.
Always. has that account ''on
top" so the man can make no ex-
cuse for putting him OH.
Don't mind asking for it imme-
diately after being "treated"-or
pleasantly entertained.
IS never III a hurry can wait till
you get through" !"
Cuts OFF the retreat of the dodger
by crossing over to meet him, or
follows him into a store where he
goes to hide.
Can cough CT salute when the
'hard case wants to pass without
seeing him.
N iille-is patient as II post,
cheerful as a duck, scciable as a
flea, bold as lion, wearher-prooi
as Il rubber, cunning as a fox, and
watchtul as a sparrow-hawk.- To-
IfM5ts Iude.c
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-11-25
Albanp 8egister.

The notion that women are intellect
ually inferior to men is encountering
some rude facts. Col. HigginSon says
that Professor Whitney declared, at
New haven, the other day. that his
best pupil was woman, who gridu-
stted from Vassar and a Harvard pro-
tessor that the most interesting Greek
class he ever taught was a class OF
Young ladies connected with Professor.
Agassiz's school at Cambrige. And
this opinion is .corrobortted by that OF
any witness competent To testify in the
case. Vet every little while some
man who can not put halfa dozen
sentences together grammatically will
repeat the stale and senseiess assertion
that women are interior to men in
mind. Let women have their mind
and what is required for its culture and
thc event will tell which is superior.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1871-11-25

The great secret i'll raising orderly
and tractabie animals, lies in treating
them kindly and gently when young.
\ heifer that is kicked, roughly treat
cd, and occasionally scared into Wild
ness, will probably make a vicious COW
one that will kick or hook OCCASION
ally. for she has learned to consider
those who approach her as enemies.
On the contrary. one that has never
learned to fear those who feed or at
tend her. will submit to the operation
of milking without resistance, and can
lse broken to all the customary duties
Ofa COW with ease and safety.