Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1871-07-13
OUR APPETIZER.

uas'f'SSen lor kissing the big girls.
The girls say the school board had
no right to interfere with their studies
in that way.
"A lady remarked on very irno.
rant man, who was comphmen,ed on
his good sense, " He ought 70 hayea
great stock of good sense, for ho
never spends any"
"A iallfaxer at fair offered a
young lady an Y for n cnrl from her
ha'r To his surprise she promptly
,ranSfer' liz. A friend subsequently
blasted the purchasers triumph by
telling him she made a good thing Of
It, a. the whole wig only COS, her
three dollars.
-" Halo, there, how do Won sell
wood - =" BY the cord" "Pshawl
how long has it been en-, ?" "Four
feet" How dumb, I mean how
l"ng has it heen since You cut i, ?"
" No longer than it is now" Sec
here old fellow; YOU are too all fired
oriStt to i've long,
"A marriage notice in Troy paScr
Is accompanied by these lines:
NO more will they mourn their wldered still.
watons
Ana cohtinncr 20 srthc without mitigation
But pardners for life to he parted no mo,e,
lheif sorrcra IL ended, their troubles il DER
The heart that Was scorpful and cold a.
sun,
Has surrendered at last to the fortinitc one
A would be school teacher in Al.
ALBANIA replied 10 question bv one of
the examiners, DO yor think tho
world is round or fat p by saving.
We'll, some people think one wav
and some another. and I'll teach
rodnd or fiat, just as the parent.
please"
---OLD AND Nnw for MAY contain.
the following lines On Young
Preacher"
Paul, ere he preached, Ia lonely deserts stray.
Far from his race for three long Years he
stayed;
VI 'ikno~ine nothing Of mankind were ALL
Our new 1cdgc preacher were a second Paul
"A Young lady recently procured
hrst.class situation on a Chicaoo
newspaper on the strength of follow
ing lines; .......
inlo the buzium Of the aour,,
Tb" sou looked irnm abny,
Ala no wun look. into mine,
wilt for human luv
Elder Knapp, the great revival.
lat, was actively engaged in a revival
"i religion down IN Arkansas. and
when about 10 baptize q now convert.
he called ont n q lnnd voice doe.
any one Know why ,hip man should
not he baptised ?" and to hiS surprise
a long specimen of an Arkansas irav.
e'er shouted: "See here, Ms,er
preacher, | don't want to interfere in
that ere business Of yours, but If ynu
expect TO get the sin all ont of that
old cnSs, yon will have to anchor him
out IN the river over night"
A young man Mt Uolley Springs,
Missi--ippS Recently volunteered to
aid IN taking np the collection at ono
OF the churches there. ard succeeded
IN raising a considerable sum. He
approached the door, and was about
To go out with his ha. full of coptribu.
tlon on his head. when the minister
Aaid s"lenhIy: Young man, If you
leave here with that money You'll be
damned" Tie Young man however,
l"it in a hurry, and, as he shut the
door behind him, worthy old bach.
e'or, with voice IN + sharp, who pm.
a dollar in the hat, pipei out To tho
minister: Well, II ho amt gone
with it III be d ID ~
CbEIoslTIEs or IIrrg.--l.ay your
iinger pn y"nr pulse, and know that
al every stroke some immortal passes
To his Maker; some ieIlaw.b.iu,
crosses the river Of death anl if wn
think oft, we may we'll wonder tha.
il should be 50 long before our turn
comes
Half Of all who live die before
seventeen.
Only one person In ten thousand
lives to be hundred years old, and
bat Que in a hihdred reaches sixty.
The married live longer than the
single.
There ~ one soldier to every eight
A. 4