Weekly Trinity journal., 1871-04-01
NUMBER l3.
FACT AND FANCY.

Wax dolls never indulge in laughter-They
belong to cereous family.
The boy who undertook to ride horseradish
is now practicing on a saddle of mutton.
When n mans business is rapidly running
down, it is time for him to think of winding it
up.
Cheaper than dirt " is the pertinent inscrip-
tnn case of soap in an apothecary's win
dow.
A Pennsylvania chemist proposes TO evolve
diamonds from petroleum. All the rival chem
isis make light of IT,.
The latest thing ont is a =" Jim Fisk neck-tie."
Perhaps it might be superauous to state that it
is broad Ruage affair.
A wealthy widow advertising for an agent,
was overwhelmed with applications, AS the types
by mistake made it "a gent
A Jockey, elated with his success at winning
race, observed; "By my soul, I'm first at
hast I've always beer behind before
The most inmllible way of preventing ktch-
en- door from creakug is said to be to engage
servant girl whose sweetheart comes to the
house TO see her.
"Why are you looking so closely at me,
asked II lady of little girl, whose mother she
was visiting " am trying TO find your other
face mother said you hud two"
In chasing an annoying dog the other day,
Portland against clothes-liue, which
widcned his month and extracted two teeth
without pay, aud he didn't catch the dog either
81 have this afternoon been preaching to
congregation of asses, " said conceited young
parson. "Then that was the reason you called
them beloved brethren, replied strong-minded
lady
A man in Syracuse ate, upon wager, one
quart of oysters, two eggs and one mince pie,
aud drank one quart of ale His favorite hymn
was no, sung next day ut his funeral, becaue he
forgot TO mention il.
| The Boston Post tells of a man in Troy who
left boarding house just because a rat bit of
his ear" When people get to be that parlicu-
lar about irifes, they ought to quit boarding
and go to keeping house
Madam" said pompous husband whose
wife had stolen up behind him and given him n
kiss " Madam, consider such nm act indeco-
rous T. Excuse me" retortcd the wife, II
ddu't know it was you -
The other day, Molecule propounded the fol-
lowing to Atom: A boy said TO gentleman,
My father and mother had daughter but she
is not my sister Now how do you explain
that" why it's simple euough--the boy
lied"
A testimonial to the skill of a chirpodist, pub
lished in an English paper, testfes that " four
or FIVE years ago he successfully extracted sew
eral corns from my feet, without pain, as also q
member of my family, which have not returned
since that time"
The coal troubles reminds us Of an old story: :
Scene ne-Boston time, morning. "Ts it cold
BiIIyW every cold, father" ais the gut
ter iroze, BiIIyY' "Wery hard father" "Dear,
dear Put up the coal two pence pail, Billy.
God help tue poor ~
Qnip and his wife had bit of contention the
other day. " own that you have more bril-
Iancy than |, T." said the woman, {" But have the
better Judgment" Yes" said Quilp, " your
choice in marrying shows that p Quilp was in
formed that he was Il brute.
husband of snoring thus She had gutta per-
cha tube with two cup shaped ends one she
put over his nose and mouth, and the other over
his ear. lie consumed his own noise, as a stove
does its own smoke aud woke up instanter.
nice young man put sheet around him to
scare II Dutchman. The Teutonic Gentleman
says al shnst jumped out Won de CO uer, und
vip der gost all de time. would vip FIN IL he
a whole graveyard !" Some one ked the
young man what allied his black and he
said lie had received bad news from Germany.
The Chicago man who invented the method of
wearing pants without buttons. gave an exhibit
tion of his affair before crowd in Il hall there.
He had on II pair OF pants without buttons, and
while explaining his patent there was II sudden
collapse, aud the pants fell of. 6e Inventor
aud " real shirt got into the next om uncom-
mon fast, Not any OF those neWsgehgled notions
this way, if you please.
When old Joe Meek of Oregon, was stufiug
"a gentleman from Victoria" Mr.. Bull said
" Why, sir, you must have lived here a long
time" To this Meek replied al have, sir;
you may well say that" Pointing TO Mount
Hood, said be to the Englishman "Do YOU
see that mountain ?" " Well, SIR" said he to
the interrogated, "wheu 7 first came to this
country that mountain was hole iu the ground"
Old doctor Stearns, of New London, in his lat
ter years kept drug store. A gentleman one
day purchased cigar of the doctor, and light
ing II, began to smoke. I" Please do not smoke
in the store" said doctor Stearns, politely "it
is against our rule" ' But you sell cigars" re.
Joined the gantleman--u sell 'em to smoke