Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1871-07-27
WIT AND WISDOM

A gentleman having q pony that
started and broke his wife g neck, q
neighbor told him that he wished to
purchase it for his wife to ride upon.
ssNo,' says the other, ,g''l will not sell
the little fellow, because l intend to
poarry again" 15s s-r,s4iie.f ~ g.,
$50 there's another rupture of Mount
Voeiferous,n observed Mrs. Parting
ton. as she put down her paper and
folded up her specs: 1.-The paper tells
about the burning lather running
down the side of the mountain, but
don't state now it got on fire. Work
of an intendary, [ suppose" = a ~
At school in Newcastle the matter
asked class of boys the meaning OF the
word appetite. After 8 short pause,
one little boy said, "I know, sir; when
Pm eaten I'm 'appy, and when Pm
done Pm tight.p -7Ai.ts sr 90
A Prussian cavalry officer, who was
badly wounded at the battle Of Grove
lotte, was greatly annoyed by the cries
of some wounded soldiers lying near
him. He stood the annoyance as long
as he could, and then testify called out:
Stop your bowling over therei Do You
think you are the only person killed IN
this fight?"
"John Rouse why wilt though do so?
said Thomas Hazard, one OF New Bed
ford substantial Quaker merchants six
ty years ago, to Johnny Rouse, negro
in his employ, whom he fourd before
magistrate, not for the:first time, charg-
ed with stealing. afWhy wilt thou do
so thou foolish man? thou always gets
caught. .n-s'Why, Massa Hazard, says
Johnny, II don't get caught hals the
time. 80 =. -
Young ladies in Iowa select shoes in
company with their beaux. They al
ways take No 2's, and exchange them
next day for No. 5's. .-.i..,..- oil. 81
A remarkable intermarriage of two
families took place in Pottawatomle
county, Iowa, short time ago. The
children of one family, consisting Of
three sons and one daughter, married
all of the neighbours children, consisting
of three daughters and one son.
Alvin Adams the founder of the ex-
press business in this country, who was
poor man thirty years ago, now re-
sides in watertown, Mass, and Is one OF
the wealthiest citizens inNew England
Realities.-A person being asked
what was meant by the realities OF
Iife,'' answered.. "Real estate, real
money, and real good dinner, nonc.of
which could be realized without hard
work."
A lady who had q great horror OF to-
bacco got into railroad carriage the
other day and inquired of a male neigh
Dor, ''Do you chew tobacco, SIR" mo,
madam, y was the reply, shut / can
get You a chew il you want 1t.
Mrs. Jesse Hamilton, of Poland, Ma
honing County, O., has commenced q
suit against Mr. Sparrow, hotel keeper,
for sI0, 900 damages, inflicted by the
sale of whisky by Sparrow to the hus-
band of the prosecutrix.
An Irishman having jumped into
the water to save q man from drown
ing, upon receiving quarter from the
persou as a reward for the service, loo
ked first at the money and then at him
and then exclaimed: Pm overpaid for
the job. ..-. 90. ..,sss.
A HINT TO GBUMBLgRs.-"What .
noisy world this is. croaked an oio
frog, as he squated on the margin OF the
pool. "Do you hear those geese how
they scream and hissG What do they DO
it tor?i Oh. just to amuss themselves"
answered a little mouse. Presently We
shall have tha owls hooting. what is
that for9u It's the music they Ike
bas,.p said the mouse. Aud thoee
grasshoppers, they can't go home with
ont grinding and chirping; why DO they
a. tSat9ii tt0h thavfra 40 haDpv they
can't help it." said the mouse. "You
find excuses for all. ! believe you don's
understand music, so you like the hid
eous noises" Well, friend. to be hon
est with you. ~ said the-mouse, II don's
greatly admire any Of them, but they
are ali sweet to my ears, compared with
tha constant croaking Of frog"