The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1871-09-02
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.
Here is way Of rosding an obituary ,otic,
iato brief space that il pec.liar-to Te1a.:
Five corpses hanging to Eve trees in Texas i,
swarning that the ways of horse thieves arc co
csntxlc.
1twould seem blythe above that the most inter
estine corundrum among herse thieves in tina,
region is: Whose turn neck-a?"
Down in Kentucky they have some absurd
combinations of different kinds of business. An
exchange has found there man who unites the
avocations of blacksmith and barber. In mo.
nents OF abstraction he uses mans face as an
anvil and the razor as a hammer. This treat.
ment wears out the anvil rapidly.
We can beat him here. We did have o man
in this section who was not only butcher and
slawyer, and though not exactly barber, could
shave you every day in the week, Sundays in.
cluded. As butcher he VAS success: he
feSced US out Of several years., subscriptions to
the paper.
There is no telling to what ends the womau's
rights business may be extended. For instance.
An exchange says:
Chrlstianburg Va, has = venerable turkey
gobbler who has built hiHself nest, and 10 now
0rayely sitting upon four apples. It is prevum.
ed that his action is intended AZ q crave sst;re
upon the womans rights.
sThe Cosmopolitan gives the great natural alma
obtainer few digs, thusly:
The latest gift enterprise-The movement to
Ie.n0ninate Grant.
An odd coincidence-Tha most of Grants cup.
Porters are supported by the government.
Asan improvement upon the Chicago style Of
divorces, an exchange recommends sRRrieved
huabands to purchase, for family use, the latest
"non-explosive burning auids." They are thor.
ough. and very cheap.
There is an impending catrastophe sh.dovsd
forth In the following item:
Assam Francisco doctor advertised for 4 @roo6
ONCE cat" He has already received 243 felines.
with the southern counties yet to hear from"
The difference between the taking private pro.
perty for public use. and the taking Of public
property for private use, IL that one ia conf;ses
eion,sand the other JIa6scation.-ZegaL Meas.
A.yeung woman in Connecticut, sick and out
efmoney, mortgaged her body to her physicis.
for dissection, as compensation for professional
attendance during her illness OF course she got
we'll. 1t takes woman to fool man everv
time.
The New York Leader truthfully saws: "I.t
as hear no more about the "stolidity" of Presi.
dent GRAFT. We don't know a man who il more
easily moved. Especially from place to place.
and particularly at other peoples expense"
The editor of the Decatur Republican. AUG.
24th, thus sarcastically writes up the weather ::
How comfortable and CHEEKY y roaring hearth
fire is this frosty weather! What genial rlov
comes from the burning anthracite! Bramhle'a
PARK offers fine amusement TO skaters, The ice
is'vsry smoothe.
The ''lecai" of the Chicago Repnb,icnn ..x.
.'The newest method of making an housat LIVING
ID to 20 around at night with an accomplice. and
play tom cat under tho windows of irsacble
bachelors Then they throw boots, and boot.
jacks, and hair.brushes, and crookery and suoh
tninge ut you, and you pick them up and soil
mem Tor old rags. We got part of q set worth
$Ioo last night, and tonight We are going back
to get the rest of it.
We have observed of late that the T. II. Csts
that have serenaded us, were less musical AMI
more exaspe-ating than heretofore. Has n.
"local" Of the Republican been under our win.
dow
The above is one of the most probably tru. of
al the items In the Morris Herald last week:
A farmer living in Wauponsee lost valuable
reaper agents.
This, however, needs confirmation
well, Sam, you've wiped my chops of bean.
UNI Was the remark she made when Sam k;...
ed her. Won A''s'
professor lately applied for the position Of
principal OF the Ceilings Seminary" at Starved
Aock' Alter properly defining "phornix" he
thus explained another intricate matter:
thleootomy-Pe pertaining or belonging to the
bottom of phIee" W '''
Ills needless to say that he passed.