The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1871-02-17
JOSH BILLINGS ON WHIssLING.

have spent a great deal of sarching
and sum money, tew find out who wa
the fust whistler, but up tew now I am
jest ez much uncivilized on the subject
az Waz.
l kan tell who played on the fust
juice harp, and who beat the fust tin
pan, and kno the year that the harp ov
a thousand strings waz discovered in
but when whissling waz an infant il az
hard for me tew say az mi prayers in 10
dutch.
Whissling is a wind instrument, and
IL did by puckring up the mouth, and
| blowing through the hole.
There amt no tune on the whole earth
but what kan be played on this instru-
ment, and that celebrated old tune,
Yankeedoodle, haz bin almost whissel-
ed tew death.
Crate thinkers are not apt tew be
good whisslers; in fakt when a man
kant think ov nothing, then he begins
tew whissell.
We seldom see a raskal who is a
good whistler; thare is CRATE deaf OF
honor bright in sharp, well puckered
whissell.
Good whisslers are getting skarse.
ID years ago they waz plenty, but the
desire tew git ritch, or tew hold offiss,
haZ took the pucker out of this honest
and cheerful amusement.
If i had boy who couldn't whissell,
don't want tew be understood that i
should feel at liberty tew give the boy
up for lost, but would much rather he
would kno how tew whissell fust rate
than kno how tew play sekond rate
game of kards.
L wouldn't force a boy of mine teW
whissell agin hiz natral inclinasbrn.
Wimmin az kind, or in the lump,
are poor whisslers. L don't kno how i
found this out, but am glad of it, it is
good deal like Growing in hen.
Growing IL an unlady like thing in a
hen tew do.
l hav often heard hens tri tew crow,
but l never knew one do herself justiss.
A rooster kan krow well and a hen
can kluk we'll, and say let each one ov
them stick tew their trade.
klucking is just az necessary in this
world az Growing, especially if it IL well
did.
But want it well understood that I
am the last man on reckord who would
refuse woman chance to whissel if
she waz certain she had the right puck
er for it..
1 never knu a good whistler but what
had a good constitution. WhissIing il
compozed of pucker and wind, and these
accomplishments denote yigor.
Sum people alwas whissel where there
IL danger-this they do to keep the fraid
out ov them. When Waz a boy al
ways considered whissling the next
best thing to a candle to go down celIer
with in the mite time.
The best WHISPERS have ever heard
haV bin among the negroes Ii make this
remark with the highest respekt to the
accomplishments ov the whites). I hav
herd south karoliny darkey whisselI
so natral that a mocking-bird would
drop worm out ov his bill and talk to
the niger.
don't want emmy better evidence ov
the general honesty thare IL in whis-
sell than the fackt that there amt moth
ing which dog will answer quicker
than the whissell ov his master, and
dogs are az good judges of honesty az
emmy kritter that live.
1t il hard work to phool a dog once,
and it liz next to impossible too phool
him the sekond time.
L amt afraid to trust emmy man for a
small amount who IL good whistler.
l wouldn't want to sell him farm on
credit, for 1 should expekt to have to
take the farm back in awhile, and re-
move the mortgage miself.
You can't whissell s mortgage oph
from farm.
A fust rate whistler is like amiddling
sized fiddler, good for nothing else, and
the whissling may keep man from git
ting lonesum, it won't keep him from
Citing ragged.
never knu bee hunter but what
was good whistler, and don't kno ov
emmy bisiness ON the breast of the earth
that will make man so lazy and use
less, without actually killing him, as
hunting bees in the wilderness.
Hunting bees and writing second
rate verses are evidences ov sum genius,
but Gather of them will unfit a man for
a good square days work.-[Neac York
Weekly.