The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1870-10-21
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CHIPS.

A time server--the town clock.
The oldest revolver-the earth.
The chIldrcn's kingdom-Lapland.
Bill Of the pcriod-the musquito's
High words-dialogue in balloon.
Contraband of war-the pipe Of peace.
A rare mind-mind your own busi-
ness.
Uneasy resting place--thc seat of war.
Universal topics-Tbe Rhine and the
rbino.
The most difficult thing to remember
the poor.
A small thing to keep-the right
side Of some people.
Scars on the battlefield are not al
ways 50 splendid as scares.
Hens are not the only living things
that feather their nests.
The world has million Of roosts for
4 man, but only one nest.
The way to get good wife-Get .
good girl and 60 to the parson.
When a girl falls in love with an
Irishman, her hart always goes pity-Pat.
What man wants-all he can get
What woman wants-all she can't get.
1t is said that the connecting link be-
tween the animal and vegetable is hash.
Dyeing for love-coloring your mus
tache to please woman.
The most steadfast followers Of our for
tuDes-our creditors.
Punch says that when Lots wife was
turned to salt, he took fresh one.
Rum did it ALL said a man on the
gallows, 'snd I'll never drink another
drop as long as i've
you look as though you were beside
YOURSELF as the wag said to fop who
happened TO be standing by donkey.
Hops, in the country. run up polls,
but at the summer resorts they are spread
on the foo-.
An experienced old gentleman says
all that is necessary in the injoyment OF
love or sausages is confidence.
A Java grandee is coming to this coun-
try with his eighty-one children, and
wants to secure board in some quiet fami-
~.
The man who tried to sweeten his tea
with one Of his wife's smiles hes fallen
back on sugar. Nothing like first prin-
ciples, after all.
A pert little girl boasted to one of her
little friends that her father kept car
riage. "Ah. but my father drives an om-
nibus ~ was the triumphant reply.
A lady. in reply to some guests that
praised the mutton on her table. said -
'Oh, yes my husband always buys the
best; he is great epicac.
A msn who went fishing in a private
pond in suburban town. complains that
he only got one bite, and that was frcm
dog whose master owned the pond.
The man who married three sisters in
succession excused himself for so doing
on the ground that he got off With only
one mother-in-law. 81
"Solaced in durance vile by the radi-
ant smiles Of connubial love-" Transla-
tion-His wife went to see him in Jail,
where he was sent for stealing.
An enthusiastic critic Of our acquaiu-
tance sternly declines to be vaccinated,
on the ground that he should be asham-
ed 10 miss anything that it was possible
to catch
New Hampshire has Congressman
who used to open his speeches with
Fellow citizens, I was born in Ports
mouth I was ALWAYS born in Ports
mouth"
When Jemima went to school she was
asked why the noun bachelor was sin
gular. because" she replied, sit is SO
very singular that they don't set mar
ried."
4 little boy having broken his rock
ing-horse the day it was bought, his man,
ma began to scold, when he silenced her
BY inquiring, What is the good of q hoss
till it's broke 7"
A very religious old lady being asked
her opinion of the organ in church, the
first time she had heard one, replied: ut
is pretty box of whistles, but oh ! its
an awfnl way to spend tie Sabbath"
.Who is the yoang man whose sweet
heart told him the other evening, "If
you mean business by coming here twice
a week, Twaut to know it; for I've just
had an offer from another fellow, and
shall take him up if you don't pop"
A Bohemian who was obliged to camp
out the other evening, when asked where
he slept, remarked that he occupied a
bed. "Indeed," calculated brother
b. "I thought you had to rough 1T out
side." "Well." No. replied, Il slept
on an onion bed" T
A country fellow went courting his
girl, and wishing to be conversational, OBJ
served: d
"The themonkron is twenty degrees
below xelen this evening"
"Yes," innocently replied the maiden,
s.such kinds of birds do hy higher some
seasons of the year than others"
An old Baptist minister enforced the
necessity of difference of opinion by this
argument: "Now, if everybody had
been of my opinion, they would all have
wanted my old woman" One ofthe dea-
cons who sat just behind him responded
Eyes and if everybody was OF my opln-
ion nobody would have her.. ii
It is now given out that tho ex-En-
rress Engenie was very 10th to surrender
her position, She clung 70 her palace af- !.
ter every hope was gone, and friendly
yiolepce had to be used at last to get her