The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-03-10
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
SHARP FoOD-A Sword fish.


SHARP FooD-A Sword fish.
JOINT ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.
TIE Greatest Composer-Chloriform
THE Best Crow-nometer Extant-A
lively rooster.
A SPACIOUS Piece of Furniture-A table
OF distances.
THE Greatest Bet ever Made-the AL
phabet.
If you want cowslips in winter drive
your cattle on ice.
A jews harp gives notes. A Jew sharp
collects them.
TO avoid the blues, insure in the Wash
ington Life of New York.
The monogram that makes the most
matrimonial matches is s.
How would you paint an absent mind
ed friends In brown study.
WHEN is a fowls neck like a bell ?
When 1T is wrung for dinner.
WAITING on three or four girls at the
same time is said to be a general court.
VINO is the most liberal man THE
grocer; he gives almost everything he has
a weigh.
THE man who buried his revenge in
Oblivion has had it washed up by the tears
of repentance.
A TRUE philosopher is one who can
smile at his own misiortunes and pity and
relieve those of others
WHY is the earth like a blackboard9
Because the children of men multiply
upon the face of it.
"A SUNDAY School teacher in New
York gave meerchaum pipe to one Of
his scholars as a reward of merit
If you can't coax fish to bite, try Your
persuasive powers on a cross dog, and
you will be sure to succeed.
Ny boy, what does your mother do
for living?' was asked of little bare
footed urchln. "She eats cold victuals,
sir"
LESSON IN School marin
TO little Josie: Where is the North
Pole, Josie - Top of the map, marm."
A CHAPLAIN of State prison was asked
by friend how his parishioners were.
All under conviction" was the reply.
WHAT we hope or fear may not come to
pass. No human scheme can be so accu-
rately projected but some little circum-
stance intervening may spoil it.
DIDN'T you guarantee, sir, that this
horse would not shy before the fire of an
encmyf" " No more he won't. 'Tisn't
till after the fire that he SHES"
THOSE are the best husbands and fathers
who prove their devotion by actions
which continue to bless even after death.
BY insuring your life in the Washington
this point is secured.
A WHITE garment appears worse with
slight sOling than do celOred garments
much soiled; so little fault in a good
man attracts more attention than great of
fences in bad man.
NOTHING II NOT GRAMMATICAL
George" Kitty! Where are yous"
kitty" Here | are, Georgew George
Don't say, Here you are; say, Here
you dna,' when you're speaking of your
self"
A PARTISAN philosopher propounds
question and gives the answer: "Why
has nature given us two ears and but one
tongue? In order that we should repeat
Out one-half OF what we hear"
A JUDGE recently stated in behalf of a
Iemaie witness whom a lawyer was cross
questioning as to her age, that woman
LAD right to be Of any age she pleased
because, If she stated her real age, nobody
would believe her.
IT is vain TO stick your finger i'm the
water, and pulling it out, look tor a hole;
ana equally vain to suppose that, however
large space you occupy, the world will
miss you when you have passed on.
A SCHOOL TEACHER received the follow
ing note from one of her scholars as an
excuse for hardness "Baby cross Biscuit
To Bake Had no Baken powders the dog
up set the coffee pot the cat licked in the
Milk and got up late Excuse"
a TAX gatherer was observed the other
evening all alone ina corner, moody, med.
itative, and frowning. His work was
over for the day but from force of habit
coming from being always at the receipt
OF custom) he was collecting himself.
A MAN, on being told by generous
farmer that he would give him barrel
OF cider, asked him if he would bring il
to his house. "Certainly," replied the
farmer, with pleasure" "Well," said
the grateful recipient, "what will you paw
me Tor the barrel when the cider is gomez
THERE is sentiment as BEAUTIFUL as lust
In the following lines: "He who forgets
the fountain from which he drank, and
the trees under whose shade he gamboled,
in the days of his youth, is a stranger to
the sweetest impressions of the human
heart"
AN old lady receiving a letter she sup
posed was from one of her absent sons,
requested her neighbor to read it. He ac.
cordingly began to read "Dear mother"
then paused, as the writing was rather il
legible. It's from Johnny" exclaimed
the old lady; he always suffered"
AN inventive genius has produced an
apparatus which he says is cure for snor-
ing. lie fastens upon the nose gutta-
percha tube leading to the tympanum of
the ear. Whenever the snorer snores he
himself receives the first impression, finds
how disagreeable it is, and of course re-
forms.
TIE Honorable Member" who was
recently appointed committee by the
Legislature To- inquire into his own con
duct has reported in part, and asks for
power To send for persons and papers. lie
says if he had known how much there
was TO do he never would we undertaken
the job.
As several neighbors Of rather dis
honest man who kept a turner's shop were