The Van Buren press., 1870-05-17


would infest every department OF this
iniquitous government till that CONTRACT
business was settled would collect tha
bill or tall as fell my predecessors, try
ing. assaulted the postmaster general
| besieged the Agricultural department
| waylaid the speaker OF the House OF
Representatives They had nothing to
do with army contracts Tor beef. lmoyr
cd upon the commis sioner,of the patent
Office. said: ar tii1H s1
"Your august Exsellency On OF
about"
"Perdtion! have you got here with
your incendiary beefcontract at last we
have nothing to do with beef contracts
for the army, my dear sir. st.p.f
"Oh, that is all very well--but some
body has got to pay for that beef. 1t has
! got to be paid now, too. or l II contlscatt
this old patent Office and everything II
it."
"It don't make any difference, sir
I-rhe patent office il Liable for that beef,
reckon; and liable or not liable. the pat
ent office has got to pay for it,
"Never mind the details. Ii ended in
fight. The patent office won. But
found out something to my advantage !
was told that the Treasury department
was the proper place for me to go to.
went there. waited two hours and o
half and then | was admitted to the first
lord of the treasury. ] said s.t
Most noble, grave and reverend
Signor: On or about the 10th day OF DC
tober, 1861, John W ilson Mackcn--
THAT is sufficient, sir. have heard
of you Go TO the first auditor or the
treasury"
did so. He sent me to the second
auditor The second auditor sent me 70
the third and the third sent me TO the
first comptroller Of the corn beef ,livis-
ion. This began to look like business
He examined his books and hls loose pa.
pers, but found no minute of tho beet
contract. I went to the second comp
trailer ofthe corn beef division, He ex-
amined his books and His loose papers,
but with no success ! vas Encouraged
During that week got as far as the sixth
comptroller in that division; the next
week | got through the claims depart
ment; the third ! began and completed
the mislaid contracts department. aud
got foothold in the dead reckoning de-
partmcnt i tnished that in three days.
There was only one place left Tor 1t NOW.
] laid siege to the commissioner OF odds
and ends. TO his clerk rather he was
not there himself There were sixteen
beautiful Young ladies in the room, writ
ing IN books, and there were seven we'll
favored young clerks showing them how.
The youhg women smiled up over their
Shoulders, and the clerks smiled back q,
them, and all went merry ASA marriage
bell, Two or three clerks that were real
ing the newspapers looked at me rather
hard, but went on reading, and nobody
said anything However, had been
used to this kind of alacrity from fourth
assistant junior clerks all through my
eventtul career, from the very day | en-
tered the office Of the Cornbecf burcati
clear till passed out of the last one in
the dead reckoning division. ! had got
so accomplished by this time that could
stand on one foot from the moment ] en-
tered fin office till clerk spoke to me,
without changing more than two, or may
be three times. 8 -. lJ,,tIl r.,.
SO stood there till had changed
four different times Then said to one
of the clerks who was reading
+" lllus,rious Vagrant, where is the
Grand Turk Z"
What do YOU mean, sir whom do
you mean? Ifyou mean the chief OF the
bureau, he Is out. ~sta..
"Will he visit the harem to-day y
The young man glared upon me while
and then went On reading his paper. But
knew the ways of these clerks. l knew
/ was safe il he got through before
another New York mail arrived. lie
only had two more papers left. After q
while he finished them, and then he yawn-
ed, and asked me what l wanted.
Renowned and honorable imbccile
On or about
"You are the beef contract man. Give
me your papers" srli b.
He took them, and for long time ht
ransacked his odds and ends. Finally
he found the Northwest Passage. rs re
garded the found the long lost record
of that beef contract---he found the rock
upon which 50 many Of my ancestors hac
split before they ever got to 1t. l was
deeply moved Aud yet rcjoiced --foi
| had survived ! said, with emotion,
Give it me; the government will settle
now" He waved me back, aud said there
was something yet to be done Iirst.
Where is this John Wilson Macken
zie 2" said he.
dead"
"When did he die 2" o fW t
"He didn't die at. all--he was killed.
How" lc) 'aA
"Tomahawked. ajitfsf na4gl
"Who tomahawked him 2
"Why. an Indian, of course. You
didn't suppose it was a superintendent OF
Sunday school. did your y's,.. .....f +.
"No. An Indian, was II p
"The same "'
1.-The name of the Indian ?" a
:. His name. ] don't know hi, name, V
/" Must have his name. Who saw the
tomahawking done 7"
~ don't know
"You were not present yourself, then !?
(which YOU eau see by my hair.
was absent IN .l rt
Then how do you know that Mac
kon,io Ia load -