The Plymouth Democrat., 1870-10-27
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
n INN-vOCATION-Tending bar.

are worthless.
WHEN is q black dog not Il black dog:
When il is a greyhound. !
"WAsCHING Dun HEAR" is the way
Chicago laundry has it.
WHEN riding donkey, what kind of
fruit do you represent? a pear.
DOES mosquito draw his bill at sight
when he draws it in the dark?
ONE of the few things that may as well
be run into the ground-a plow-sliare.
A FREMcHMAN wishing to compliment
a girl as IA little lamb" called her "small
mutton"
WHY is young lawyer like the national
currency? Because he is legal tender and
somewhat green.
MOTHER" said dirty-legged youth
who was washing his feet, Il have Just got
down to stocking"
IT is nearly as impossible to get money
out of miser as it would be for a butcher
to get Iamb-chops out of a battering- ram.
THE Mutual Life Insurance Company, of
Chicago, is the oldest Life Company in
Illinois, and second to none in the Union.
A LOCAL editor of paper having re-
Gently got married, a cotemporary says:
" May his father-in-law die rich, and ena-
bic poor Stephens to retire from the print
ing business and set up cake shopa some
railway station"
|. SIDNEY SMITH says, regarding the un-
necessary consumption of food; ACCORD
ing to my computation, / have eStcn and
drunk, between my tenth and SEVENTEEN
|. years, forty -four wagon loads mege than was
, good for me"
|: LADY" Four of those chairs which
|: 50 lately purchased of you are broken. :"
; IphOlsterer-" Indeed, niadamel The on
" way that can accc.int for that is that
/. some one must have been sitting on them. ;"
+ THEODORE fIofgI once saw an exceed
! ingly pompo,s man walking in street in
London whom he Immediately accosted
/. thus: g Sir, naay inquire if you are any
| body in particular p He then walked off
! without waiting for reply.
/ Mrs PARTINGTON wants to know if it
were not intended that woman should
dive their husbands, why are they put
tGrOuPh tho I,.:1~I An~IO SCClii>
a l,o something plausible in the snppo-
sltion, for nearly all the ladies are providing
| themselves with switches.
h AT the annual meeting of the Boston
I Soldiers Fund Association, held few
days since, the Treasurer's report showed
| that during the past year So, IS1 had been
disbursed to soldiers families The fund
now amounts to $2S,677.2S, and since the
organization of the association, in 1862,
about 1000 applications for aid, amounting
to $40, 130, have been granted.
A CHILD while walking through an arr
gallery with her mother, was attracted by
IL statue of Minerva "WhO is that ?" said
she. My child, that is Minerva the god
dess of wisdom" '"Why didn't they make
her husband too?" because she had
none, my child" THAT was because she
was wise, wasn't it, mamma was she art
less reply.
GAIL HAMILTON said recentiV that hoop
skirts were the one thing on earth fol
which there is no secondary use This
the Boston Post now says, is mistake
He adds: Passing by in the cars thrifty
looking farm house near Lancaster few
days ago, we saw two of these things
properly suspended and ballasted, under
which were hived'r fine lot of young tur
keys"
AT French fair recently in San Fran
cisco, for the benefit Of the wounded
French sol6iers bottle of cordial which
was dealt out in a tiny gold cup realized
81 $50: one thousand bottles of brand,
/ sold at $40 per bottle; and matron who
attended the fair with box of snuff in
half hours time sold the snuff by the
pinch for 5000
HALL, queer genius, had made freQuen
g5romises to his friends that he would put al
end to himself. One singing cold night ht
vowed he would 90 out and freeze to death
, About seven O'Clock he returned shivering
and swapping his fingers. why don
you freezeg" asked loving relative. by
7 JOvel" said the pseudo suicide, when
freeze | mean to take warmer night than
this for it,"
HERE is verbatim copy of a papel
posted on the walls of the Exchange a
Bristol ITO marchants, traders, and nth
crs. A young man, about thirty years o.
age, who understands the bakker bisnes.
and husbandry, would be glad to go tC
! A merry ka or any outlandish place as Owe
seer and like of that Enquire o tn,
Change keeper. n. b. has no objecshur
to go to Bottomley Bay rs Skool Macs
ter, on condition his life can be inshured tC
the wild Savvagcs."
BUBBLES
A bubble rises on the stream,
And dances down the tide
And gIisten on its side.
| What though, before a moments past,
Ii all must burst in air
The little while that il may last
The sunshine makes IL fair.
will not care although my dream
BE what neer may see,
Ny hope at least can make IL seem
As though IL yet might he.
little longer, and know
, ltall may pass away;
Tben when / must, I'll let tgo,
But keep il while may.
S-shdRbers' JouFRdt
THE Gait (Ontario) Reporter SAYS
, young man named George Mays, of Luthu
, township, recently went in pursuit of
! deer, which took refuge in pond. Being
/, without firearms, the hunter boldl,
jumped on the back of the animal
which started from the pond and tool
across the fields Mays clinging to tn,
horns. The deer jumped the fence, anC
the young mans head, coming in contac
' with one of the stakes, was badly cut
Falling from his seat, he grasped the deer
| by the hind legs, and was again mounted
, and forced his prize to the ground, after
I receiving severe cut i'm one of his legs
from the animals horns Mays received
assistance from some neighbors, who
r brought an axe and put an end to tn,
struggle, The carcass weighed 14'
F. pounds
/, A New YORK letter says: "A few
: Sundays ago, as Mr. Beecher was about
f commencing his sermon, stout, fatherly
looking man was endeavoring to make his
way through the crowd to get within 9
. better hearing distance a the distinguish
+ ed orator. AT that moment Mr. Beecher's