The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-08-11
ScissOrinotum.

ny are rcal lrlendS ike ghosts be-
cause they are often heard of, but seldom
Iseen.
Il A Kansas woman weekly fogs her hus-
band, and then locks herself up in the
lparlor and sings, "Ncarer, my God, to
IThcc."
n Here is rule by which to test a Chris
tian: Set him to putting up an old mis-
matched stOve-pipe and keep him at it an
I hour. If he doesn't swear he's seasoned.
4 ~ VIII preach from dat portion of dc
Scriptos dis evening" said a colored broth
or, "whar dc POstle Paul pints his pistlo
at dc Phcsians."
A bright-oyod four.year old got his lit
tie prayer mixed up, the other night I'm
aginc the mothers astonishment to hear
her darling commences "Now lay me
down to sleep, shoe fly, don't boddor me-"
An advertisement was sent to the Oloye-
land Herald, in which occurred the words
"The Christians Dream; No Gross, No
Crown" The blundering printer made
it read: "The Christians Dream; No
Cows, no Cream p
At Sunday School little boy was
asked if he knew what the expression
"sowing tares" meant. ''Of course do,"
said he, pulling the seat of his brooches
around in front. "There's tear my ma
sewod. [ feared it sliding down hill"
We saw three little shavers fishing the
other day, two boys and . girl. The eld-
er boy. called to the girl, 'Oh, Johnny's
got bite" The girl responded, ''Oh my
sakcs, and such little boy; only reads in
the primer"
In little town out West a lady was
exercising class in mental arithmetic.
She commenced the question, ''if you buy
a COW for ten dollars" when up came u
little hand. "What is it johnny 2" "You
can't buy no kind of cow for ten dol
lars; Pa sold one for sixty dollars the 9TH
or day, and she was u regular scrub at
that"
An Annapolis man had cold feet, and so
his gentle wife lit fire under the bed to
warm them 1t was perfect success, for
he never complained of cold feet again.
Aud now his wife is married to the agent
Of tnc company In which the house was in
sured.
Host (who had just finished carving a
turkey: "Will you have small piece of
the dark meat, or a small piece of the
white meat 2" Hungry guest (who is
addicted to the habit of plain speaking):
''Thank you; Pll take large piece of
both"
, In the absence of any other messenger,
a colonel sent word to the band, by the
surgeon, that some music was wanting.
"Can't blow note" said the drum-maior,
, for we haven't had anything to eat yet"
"That's no excuse at ALL" replied the doc
tor; ''there's always plenty of wind in all
empty stomach" ......
A Partisan lady recently called on her
milliner to enquire about the character of
a servant, which proved satisfactory. "But
is she honest!" asked the lady. 81 am
not so certain about that" replied the mil
liner; 81 have sent her to you with my
bill dozen times, and she has never yet
given me the money"
A schoolmistress once asked pupil to
tell what word the letters s double
spelled. The child was dull, and 50 the
mistress asks, "what is it, you Ounce, do
with my eyes?" ooh, yes," says the child,
taking the hint, 'I know now, ma'am;
double c, squint"
y poor woman in Cincinnati who had
received from charitable society pair
of questionable boots for her daughter,
promptly returned them with the request,
"pleaso give me a finer pair, and the tops
high, for my daughter wears her dresses
short"
A Yankee one day asked his lawyer how
an heiress might be carried off. "You
cannot do it with safety" replied the law
yer, but Tll tell you what you might do.
Let her mount horse and take the bride
rein; do you then mount behind her and
you are safe, for she runs away with you"
The next day the lawyer found that it
was his own daughter who had run away
with his client.
Last Sunday in one of our city Sabbath
schools a juvenile class was questioned by
its teacher in regard to the parable of the
shepherd and his flock:
"Who was our Shepherd 2"
"Jcsus."
"Wbo are Christ's lambs :"
awe are" -
Then, to test tho reasoning capacity OF
the urchins
eff the children are the lambs, what are
the grown up folks :"
"Fhcy are the old bucks" said . bright
eyed little shaver.
, A down-oast paper says that persuasive
and humbugging agents are about in that
region selling lightning-rods Ono old
lady told an agent she had no fear of
lightning, but sho had always been afraid
r of thunder. "Just so," hp replied, eve
{ can meet your case exactly. Tho square
vol, ara rhtusnu.rn1u and tho rnnnH