The Tarboro' southerner., 1870-05-19
SPU CLAN 4.


have you kept yourself this long t!me?'
kept myself. | don't keep myself
i board on credit"
\ printers "devil," wishing to kiss
his sweetheart, said: Miss Lucy, can
I have the pleasure Of putting my inn
print upon your bill"
Sir. you have broken your promise"
said one gentleman to another. "Oh,
never mind. | can make another just
IA good
A little boy of Hudson, On. Y.,)
couldn't remember the text exactly.
but thought it was something about
Il hawk between two pigeons" 1t was.
why halt yc between two opinions"
"Why do you call me birdie, my
dear" inquired a wife of her husband.
"Because,' was the answer. you are
alwavs associated in my mind with
bill.'
\ cynical man insists that the fewer
relations or friends we have, the hap
pier We are. In your poverty they new
er help you; in your prosperity they
always help themselves.
A country schoolmaster thus de-
scribes money lender: He serves
you in the present tense; he lends you
in the conditional mood, keeps you in
the subjective, and ruins you in the fu-
ture."
Josh Billings says "Menny c.o-
pie spend their time in trying to end
the hole whar sin got into the world
If two meu break through the ice into
a mill pond, they had better hunt for
some good hole to get out, rather than
git into a long argument about the
hole they fell in.'
Said minister once, when [ gently
hinted to Kim that he had not preached
the gospel that morning: "No," said
he, Il did not mean to preach to sin
ners in the morning, but will preach
to them in the evening" "Ah!' said
l, 'bu' what if some of your congre.
cation Of the morning should be in hell
before eveaing?'-Spurycon.
Il Yankee one day asked his lawyer
how an keiFess could be carried off
"You caRnot dc it With safety" said
the counselor, "bGt III tell you what
you may 90. Let her mount a horse
and hold bride and xhip; dc you
gheG mount behind her and YOU arr
safe, for she runs away with you" -
The next day the lawyer found that il
was his own daughter who bad run
away with his cIiept,
The St. Paul Press prints a Ions
communication from lady who op
poses female suffrage, and who, ia he
enthusiasm, breaks into parodic poetr1
at the close. OF which the follovin.
stanzas is q specimen.
'5Fho vote that all are pfalsing
Is not the vote fOf mo;
Its claims are amusing,
I'd rather faT be flcc,
But there's veto IN yondef crib;
baby vote, clear, shfill, and glib.
}iLdt vote ls worth the raising,
And that's the vote for me!
Oh that's tue vote for mel"
a young married couple in Wis
@onsin towu lately began housekeeping 6
md the srst purchases Of the head o
the family at the village grocery were
five cents worth Of soda, Eye cents
worth Of salt. two cents worth of pep
per, one cents worth Gf ehewing-gra,
aud twelve cents worth Of soap. Th
bill amounted to twenty-five ceuts
which was paid by khc young Benedic
in specie; and &s lie left TIE store h.
remarked to the clerk that "keapia,
house il cheaper than koarding,'
An orator. in appealing to the "hon
and sinew," said: "My friends, ! az
glad to see around me the hardy yec
mcn of the land; for | love the agr
cultural Interests Of ths country; an
aycli may ! love tLcE, fellow citizens
tor | WAS born Il farmer! the hapPia,
days Of my youth were spent il til
peaceful ayoeatiol OF sou Of the soil
In fact, 10 speak Gsur4tiEeiy, | Ma
say I was born between two rows
corn
"A pnnpkin, by thunlcr.." G,
claimed an i.l"hrir'e chap in front
k4c s;apd,