, 1870-06-12
TIT-HITA

Day with tho ladies lssts the year round
The Kokono Nnd) Democrat gets u3 tbs
following: "Are you connected with paoeF
here :" asked count1.mAn Of D. Z. Bennett,
lately Of the insane asylum Oh, no, WIS
tho reply; " have been to the insane ASYLUM
and an cured: man never rrus newspspar
after he il cured"
Somebody SAYS wouen make very good
| tt1tet-sWeepers when they are trained to DO it.
"A benevolent San Franciscan reminded r
! patty Of men whom he met fighting before
church time, the other day. that '* it was sun-
day." They unklndly proved him incorrect BY
| knocking him " into the middle OF nc1t week"
"A New York paper speals OF General
O'Seii as " descendant OF Nilus, the son oE
Mill" The Fcnian lender did not do his an
cestors much credit for Mill Fit, andso'SeiI
didn't.
"A fond wife threw bottle Of hair rsnewez
at her husbands hesd, At which he exclaimed
ave must pa1t-the die is cast-"
when great man dies" says Quifp,
H. the frat thing done is TO resolve to build
monument to bis memory, and tho second is
not to build it."
A man with four wives WINS brought before
OF bigamy. -Four viyes," exclaimed the ~
toni-hed Hans, " fonr vi1es7 dat wa = most
hjnoeious crime! Discharch him at vcnst-"
WHY" protested The prosecutor. why d1s.
sa fsbss soals phin r. RtGes ee2sps.
enough I Ii nit Won, and got too much
punishment already"
A Scottish Clergyman, happening to 60
into the churchyard while the beadle was en-
p1oyed neck deep in digging grave, thns
accosted him "Well, Saunders, thsss work
you're employed in we'll calculated to make An
old man like you thoughtful. I wonder YOU
don't repent Of your evil waEa-" The OLD
worthy, resting on the head OF his spade, and
taking pinch Of snuff, replied II thought,
EFYI that thrfH fNrADSHJ1EA
the grave"
What is the difference between man who
loses the express and good husband? One
misses his train, md the other trains his
mssus.
~ lady TO whom Byron hsd shown himself
Indifferent after brief but intimate 1irtation,
in furious anger wrote sketch Of him Mms-
do stael picked it up and devoured it Ahl"
said she on meeting Byron, 'sT We been looking
at portrait OF you BY one Of Jour country
women. Upon my word, it'a scarcely datter-
ing" "Ay dear Baroness" was tho reply,
1t would have been greatly improved h1d
consented to give few more sittings-"
ITO the parent whose son dies in infancy.
sayB the Louisville Journal, there must ba
something peculiarly soothing in the thought
| child in tho no1t world, he can never become =
member Of 3 base ball club in this"
| The Ackendree Repository says that
| short time since the following conversation
IoUk plACt u6tHcGu LUO g&1eulClOIl1n OF 46lV
| and : clAssmate: Classmate. Joe, how do lika
Hcllaud's writings? Val. Very much he u
| my iavorite author. Glass;. Do you believe IN
his doctrines-in what ha says2 Val Yes, be
| is generally sound. Class. Well, he says thai
the raledictorian is aludYs he ass Of The elas5-
{EzI roL)
1t is said that the girl of the period never
locks go distressed IS when she takes OF her
chignon.
The immortal "Billy Glaes," Of CincIn-
nati in i Fenian speech the other day, in
formed his auditors that be WAS not full
blooded Hishman, "haying heen born in this
country ten days after he had landed in Ba2ti-
mare
The i've great evils Of life are said to ba
standing collars, stoveplpe hats tight boots,
bad whishey, and c1oss women.
During the excitement a. Malone, at the
Ferguson House, u Second Iiautenant Of tha
United States regulars, who appeared aa
to abuse the landlord for not having everything
10 his taste. He finally sad: II never wsa
! i'll hotel before where the keys were kept ae
! the Office" " Tou must remember, respond
! ed the landlord, s.thAt you are Second
lieutenant aa yet, and these things viii doubt
less be revealed to you as you are promoted
in llfe.'
| ,-aNne-tonths OF existing books ara nou~
Eenee, ard the clever books are tao 1e1u'"e'''o'
Of that nonsense"
a little ei1-year old was walking with ms
| father. and passing church, the child asked
"What houso is that n THAT is tho Dutch
church" WIS the reply; "people 60 thera to be-
ihev be Eutch angels, pa7"
MT!,n fact is" said m elderly wife, IS
,, 5nas mi know how to st1Ighten up
1 ILL., III WI ~ Ios. not know where to com
menee. ao.. ao'. wonder ahs go ooniI%ea 1iaSt q
tthat when God made Auani ~ "cn' -.b.t n
VOTE = ano n'a"o u "o'1aa w 'e4t D'A1 -
uo. .... =, H., ,,,;as-
:. peupnse = 1a ans" Taa-aea ,ast - ~ thcrf,
', En, ~ f. saSs 49, yspse pr;t. 1oPnG ,.aies Ia
1qL mo4io u e. ACES bone W. wv :, so"A9
AouA a. W. AoHeIs ~ A16Ae'
-.-ny, which en}oJR the greatest nlsses.
John, who Dotinda's pleta5e Nss' II
Who y III, tisses eas fail a isI Dorinsia's self
Wi, While ooth are thus Win Eaptavs H,9. faint1ns'
To which the ealanSe 4S, sn0I1 hts III pautlne,
Since ION nn1 ~ ss f,st T;sit to New York
/ was introduced to yety 1,,hTsLer notei
-'-a- Al" 7'""hter OF " po0nsnef .s'se>
lof his piracy 81 tiis sror.. - n-
Ah. murmuied III ~ "oIas ~ H1it1an aurn.as
bound edition Of The P;r,en., pvsens., splenIdt
An unpleasant 1a,,a rare = Uaughter.'0
convenience TO hafs 'un ua, says u Is g1eaa
tresses. Thew cannot onig IfM ;n,o aoa postmis
can't il there Is letter for hin, n;e aa apple
"a reI;o1on. -n "nas IL II.
day and washed oMopday and ~ 5,s asPs PIT .aE
rest OF the week, as sha vss ~ &c! ~ ths
BY occupation, had manager ~ nss" anzs "omas .
money enough to build snug litt1a hape haeI up
nasn N the country, and one afternoou os sft@ na9
terrible tornado. wbicI to+e usfa ia came aong
pieces and smashed part Of tho hon.o n oafn TIC 20
old ladys Indignation wa al ~ t;,at ntuse. Ina
able, but at last she sobbel' ..Wa;, IhuspSax-
E5stty piece Of business Eo mattel thaasbs as1a
III pay for this-11i wash on sundays."
! The bloody CanucEEs tn to sIas,,,,.- M1,
Eut JACK came Jack in q t. i,a:.
] Much sooner than he ooehtcr AaeN
| =" Ma," said Gttle bov uh,s ,.,
bees N her mouth" ~. ~ nv Sr.r u nn, KS as
of her. And ..a1 se h mp map'aln Jones caught hold
f,nm har 1I i;ns osM ne vas gong to take honey
LoeIe ~ 0e'' nu she sad, We'll, mako
' Ns. wty
Fran, ma ySa f, na nave ne p tho Emperor cries;
ssTen Inf,5;n1s Tanee maats The that nows7
i st,;t;no n na:aa m'iion !loI their Noes"
canaii;sn anI En;n pnin. o. dilerenco between ha
recent carnna;rn ~ thot Motes OF Earfare IN the
rso ~ s nat one e1cclled IN the
e = a's 1 1no LUG o,her In tie use Of legs.
tescher n n;s.s =, aM gqnF to give the
y sor,5 ~ pte = y ny m1nu. Young Lady-
rot Ith III h no., , were N your place he has
sns-s ~ "' ""a'e1 @oo you haven't a1y to
.a7,- NEnamored "a BIiton- 1T must bo awfu11y
Jouy Knock1ng about like this all orar Europe
"ltA your mother and sister But ghy didn't
sour .S 1ather come with you?" American BelIa
tNitn '1vas,ty). "Oh! pa don't yoy'ge-he'a
'oo 4eeny!
-'eIzold said, one day, he would make
enn upon anything his friends woull put TO
nm: = mend asked him whether hs could