The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-03-31

is " a man who does not learn by eXper-
ence."
A GOOD man provides for his children.
A policy in the Washington Life is one
way to do it.
MAKE yourself good man, and then
you may be sure that there is one less ras-
cal in the world.
TIE kind of locksmithiDg that can be
done in the shortest possible time-Mak
ing bolt for the door.
a PORTLAND club has the following
question proposed for discussion Can
a big man ache harder than little man :"
If you want policeman it's ten to one
you won't find him. but if you dont want
him, its hundred to one he cjH find y0ui
The Washington Life Insurance Com
papy is one of the strongest, safest, most
successful, and best managed corporations
in New York.
FoNTENEILE thus daintily compares
women and clocks: The latter serve to
point out the hours, the former To make Us
forget them.
PUNNING.
If were punished
For every pun shed,
] could not find puny she'd
To hide my punished head.
TIE word state spelled backward is
6tGts, but it is not safe, as a regular thing,
to undertake to learn French simply by
going back on your English.
NEVER throw stone at any one until
you have looked To see whether there is a
window behind, or you may have to pay
rather dearly for your revenge.
WHY is Il lawyer the most III used man
in our social system? Because, though
he may drive his own carriage, he must
draw the conveyances of other people.
"WHY did Joscph's brethren put him
in pitt" asked Buffalo Sunday school
teacher. And the reply he got was, Be
cause there was no room for him in the
family circle"
AN afflicted husband was returning
from the funeral of his wife when a
friend asked him how he was. "Well,"
said he pathetically, Il think feel better
for that little walk"
THE agent for a patent coffin says in
his circular: Undcrtakers who have
used it pronounce it perfect success, and
we ask you to try it, free Of charge, and
judge for yourself"
NEVER quarrel with your wife, as you
will only have to make it up, and pay for
the reconciliation in the shape OF a season
ticket at the opera, a trip to the springs,
a silk dress, or cashmere shawl.
"WELI., Bridget, if l engage you,
shall want you To stay ut home whenever
I wish to go out" DWELL, ma'am, have
no objections" said Bridget, "providin
you do the same when | wish to go out. !"
AT teachers institute at the East, re
Gently, n lady teacher was given the word
hazardous to spell and define, and did it
in this style: "H-a-z, haz, ard, ard,
c-dOublc-s, css, hazardcss-; female haz-
ard"
THE proprietor of forge, not remark
able for correctness of language, but who
by honest industry had realized COM
Portable independence, being called on at
social meeting for toast, gave Sue
cess to forgery"
! How do you like the character of St
Paul?' asked a person Of his landlady
during conversation about the apostles.
"Ahl he was "A good old soul, for he once
said, you know, that we must eat what is
set before us, and ask no questions for
conscience sake"
A LITTLE boy in Hudson, ~ Y, on re-
turning home from church, was asked by
his mother to give the text. After Il
Thoughtful pause, the little fellow replied,
81 don't hardly remember, but it WAS
something about hawk between two
pigeons" The text was, "Why halt We
between two opinions?"
"DEFINE the difference in meaning be-
tween experimental philosophy and natu-
raj philosophy" said a schOomistresS, not
long since, to one of the most forra4d of
her pupils. "Why, miss" replied the
girl, experimental philosophy is our
asking you to give us a halfholday, and
natural philosophy is your saying, Don't
you wish you may get it?'"
"TICKET, sir" said railroad conductor
passing through one of the trains, the
other day, to passenger. "My face is
my ticket" replied the other, little
vexed. Indeed" said the conductor
rolling back his wristband, and display
ing a most formidable bunch of fves
well, my orders are To punch ali tickets
passing over this road"
A MASSACHUSETTS paper saws: "Ont
OF the queercst passages ever l.ut i'm 3
town report may be found in that of th,
last annual of the Greenfield ,Sclcctmea
They announce that the town farm anC
almsh0usc have been carried on the pas
year To our reasonable satisfaction. Espc
cially the almshouse, at which there ma.
been an unusual amount of sickness and
three Deaths"
A LADY occupying a room, letter Il, a.
a hotel in New York, wrote on the slat,
as follows. Wake letter Il at z; and i
letter Is says Let her be- don't let her be
nor let letter Il be, because if you let lctt,,
Il be, letter Ii will be unable to let he
house to MIR. B, who is To cali a
half-past TO-" The porter, much bcttel
boOtback than orthOgraphst, after study
ing the above all night, did not know
whether to wake letter Il or to "lct hel
be-"
ALL GONE BUT ONE.
Gone all the dreams of early youth
Like mornings vanished ray;
Alas that what we deem IL truth
Should ever Jade away
Gone all the friends whom once knew,
Companions of my prime;
little thought such friendships true
Could perish ere their time
Gorel Comet Except one one that show
| How constancy cndcars;
Nv faithful watchi Itnever gocs-
IL hasn't gone for years
A CONVENIENT Loss OF MEMORY
gentleman who was very Jealous tn,
subject of horses, but not according t.
knowledge, bought mare at auction IN,
rode her home. "Well, CHsar," said h,
to his sable coachman, what do yor
think of her. She cost me five hundre,
dollars" Dunno, master" "Yes, bu
what do you think?" well, massa, i
makes me tink of what the preacher SAT-
esterday-sometLing about his money i
soon narted IdisreDe,nl,er de filst D1rfp