The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-07-28
Phunnyisns.

VuO Slouuu tuaL nC never ulu llkG sweet
things.
a speaker in exhorting miscellaneous
audience recently urged each and all to
come up to the work and ''be man." Of
Course the ladies couldn't quite see it.
An lrishman said that if few goose
berries gave so fine flavor to an apple
pie, sit would be a darlint of an ap-
pie pie that was made of gooseberries in
tircly."
a little girl who was watching the bal
loon ascension at Lewiston, Me. suddenly
exclaimed ,-"Alamma, | shouldn't think
God would like to have that man come up
to heaven aliyew
A witty fellow slipped down on an icy
pavement. While sitting he murmured
81 have no desire see the town burned
down, but | sincerely wish the streets were
laid in ashes"
"Wcll, Bridget, if | engage you, shall
want you to stay at home whenever shall
so out" "Well, m'am, have no objcc-
tions," said Bridget, "providin' you do the
same when | wish to go out"
The minister took for his text,-"The
flesh, the world and the DEVIL" and in
formed his astonished audience that he
would dwell briefly in the flesh, pass rap
idly over the world, and hasten as fast as
he could to the devil"
An editor never leaves any money at
home for fear Of fire, and never carries
any with him for fear Of robbers, nor de-
posts any i'll the bank for fear of specu-
lating bank officers.
Tom Tinker says eff was a red head
ed fellow and was gwine to CO gall and
Sc wus tn tell me not tu set too klosc to
y for fere she wud kotch on fire, wud
,~fI hur not to be skcred, for she wus tu
ieuo tu burn"
An old criminal was once asked what
vas the first step that led to ruin, when
he answered. "The first step was cheating
a printer out of two dollars subscription
to his paper. When | did that the dey-
il got such grip on me that could new
CT shake him Off"
A gentleman recently received an un-
paid letter commencing, "Sir, your letter
Of yesterday bears upon it the stamp Of
faisehood." His answer was brief and to
the purpose: "Sir, | only wish your letter
Of yesterday bore upon its face IL stamp of
any kind"
A boy five years of age, having stolen
can of milk, his mother took him to task
with moral suasiOn, and wound up her dis
course by exclaiming, "What in the world
were you going to do with the milk any
how" 81 Was going to steal little dog
to drink IT," was the crushing reply.
"Jonathan, where were you going yes
torJay when | saw you going to mill 2"
."Why, was going to mill, to be sure"
."Well, | wish I'd seen you, I'd got you
to carry grist for me-" "Why you did
see Inc, didn't you!" eyes, but not until
you got clean out of sight"
"Barbor," said a farmer to lis tonsor,
snow cOrn's cheap, you ought to shave for
half price" "Cau't, Mr.. Jones, said the
man of razors 81 really ought to charge
more for when corn's down farmers make
such long faces, have twice the ground to
go over"
A gentle Quaker had two horses, very
good and u very poor one. When seen
riding the latter it turned out that his
better half had taken the good one.
"What p said sneering bachelor, chow
comes it that you let your wife ride the
better horse 2"
The only reply was,-
"Friend, when thee be married thee'll
know"
There is no stated rule for writing
loye-lcttcrs. You should write on fools
cap paper, and bear on as soft as you can,
using words of such burning love that they
will sizzlo on the point of the pen. 1t is
also advisable to sling in a haunch of pa
thos occasionally, such as ''Dearest Angus
tus, | love you with a love larger than an
elephants; think of you every day, and
by,and-by, when the days grow longer,
shall think of you twice day." 1t is al
so well to put an lux blot in the corner,
with the observation, "Darling, | kissed
this spot" or 81 hove sigh in this vicin-
ity."
"Wby is it, my sou, that when you drop
your bread and butter, it is always on the
buttcrcd side :"
81 don't know. The strongest side
ought to be up, and this is the strongest
butter | have ever seeu."
"llush up: it is some Of your aunt's
churning, my boy"
"Dd she churn it? The lazy thing Z"
"What, your auntl 7"
"No, this butter To make the old Ia
dy churn it, when it is strong enough to
chprn ITSELF"
sHush, Aeb; have eaten much worse
in the most aristocratic houses"
swell, people of rank ought to eat it."
"Why people Of rank 2"
"Cause it's rank butter"