Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1870-02-04

"A laconic conversation "Wha
ails your eye Joe?" told man h,
, lied.n
The legislatures of Iowa, Kan
sas and Wisconsin have each elected
woman as engrossing clerk.
Said young fellow indignantly
! when called boy. Don't call mt
boy; I've chewed tobacco this six
! years" w..
The President banished wine OF
anything stronger than coffee from
the White House board, on New
Years day.
The saying that "there is more
pleasure i'm giving than receiving
Is supposed to apply chiefly 10 "kicks,
medicine, and advice"
/ "A little girl sent out to hunt for
eggs came back unsuccessful, COM
planning that "lots of hens were
standing around doing nothing"
"A Minnesota housekceper adver.
tises ball at his house. and says:--
The dancing will embrace every
known style and continue twelve
| hours.n
There is not the slightest reason
for allowing kerosene lamps to ex-
plode. Fill them every morning.
Full lamps never explode, FOR the gas
cannot accumulate In them.
John Onion Is the suggestive
name of an Illinois editor. When
he peels himself and gets down
heartily to his work, he must bring
water to the eyes of his readers.
"A sleepy deacon, who sometimes
engaged In popular games. hearing
the minister use the words, shuttle
off this mortal COLL started up. rub
bed his eyes, and exclaimed, Hold
on, 1t Is my dealt ......
of the coming Fat Mems Con-
vention at Lewiston, the Waterville
(Me.) Mail says: "If the conven-
ton will weigh their brains against
their bellies, they will find that ex-
tremes have met"
"A Trenton paper reports.that an
aged couple who celebrated their
golden wedding in that city recently,
are childless, but "this deficiency
was supplied by gifts from number
of the guests"
The New York San says, "flve
thousand marriage licenses were
granted In Chicago last year. The
divorce record is still ahead. The
Chicago papers refuse to publish It,,
pleading lack of room.'"
Robert Collyer encourages
young men who are so bashful now
a-days-with the remark that the
lad who has two barley loaves and
five small fishes can feed five thous-
and with his morsel If Christ helps
him.
The Atlantic City Free Press,
makes the5ollowing announcement:
"We print to-day, portion oi
Christ's Sermon on the Mount.
We don't know of any other way tc
get our readers to peruse the Script.
ures.n
Two brothers have long been in
the habit of attending a Cincinnati
SabbathSchool on alternate Sundays.
One Sunday the teacher asked her
pupil If he would be present next
week. al can't" said he, "it's my
turn TO saw wood.r
"A man in Albany has recovered
one thousand dollars for injuries re-
ceived by slipping down on an ley
sidewalk, the property of a rich
citizen, who had to foot the bill.
We advise some of our citizens to
look sharp hereafter.
The Detroit Free Press says, peo-
pie who sigh when they read that
the orange-trees Of Florida are vel.
low with fruit just now, should re-
member that the weather down there
is also propitious for mosquitoes
about three inches long.
--Isere is o difference between
sapplying pulpit and "filling" it,
Oliver Wendell Holmes, announced
on n certain occasion to fill an APP
pointment made for Rufus Choate,
told his audience he could never
hope to fill Mr.. Choat's place, but he
would, for while, endeavoi TO rat
tie around in 1t.
An urchin OF seven years, went
into barber shop In Racine, Wis.
consin, and ordered the barber to cut
his bair as close rs shears could do
1t. He was asked if his mother, or.
dered IL that way. "Non said he,
but school commences next week,
and we've got school mann that
pulls hair.n
"A little boy of Provlncetown
Mass, four years old, very anxious
for drum, the evening preceding
Christmas, .on going to bed made the
following prayer: "'Now lay me
down to Sleep / want drum, Il
pray the Lord / want drum, my
soul to keep, and If should die be.
fore | wake | want drum.n His
prayer was answered.
An imaginative young man,
laboring over tire encroachment oil
womankind on masculine territory
In the matter of dress, breaks into d
song as follows:
They took our sat frat we hardly missed
And then they apcl our dickcys and cravat4;
Ihey ,tole our sacAs--"e only laughed and kissed
Emboldened. then they stole our very ha,s:
lntl ~ SLOW and sure degrees the witches
nave takrh aii--sur coats hats, boots and breeeh
We find, In French Journal, the
following dialogue between two mar.
ried ladies: My dear, the first