The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-05-08
forming Star and Catholic Messenger.

corning Star ana Camollc messenger.
HEw oRLKANs. SUNDAY. NAY 9. 1870
III W.T. And wIsD0A
81 Preventives Of consumption high prices.
~ Equestrian burglary" breaking in Of
& Bakers, like bruisers, rather favor light
q weight.
How to turn peoples heads-go late to
Echurch.
& The most reflections some young ladies
have is in the mirror.
Il Misery may love company, but it loves
also to get out Of it.
q "Come in out Of the wet" said the shark
when he swallowed the boy.
81 Why are old maids the most charming of
people Because they are matchless.
A nursery must be great place for
dancing-it being generally q regular bawl
room.
Prentice defines what man wants-all he
can get. What q woman wants-all she
can't get.
!. "Jack, your wife is not SO pensive as she
used to be-" "NO, but she's doOsed sight
/ more expensive"
How is it possible to expect that man
kind will take advice when they will not
even take warningf
We have heard of but one old woman
who kissed her COW, but there are thousands
Of young ones who kiss great calves.
Folly-to think that you can make pork
oqt.M pig iron. OF that you can become a
shosaaaker by drinking sherry cobblers.
4 prisoner was examined in court and
contradicted himself. "Why do you lie 80,
asked the judge, Haven't you lawyer Z"
A widow out West, being removed from
the postofice,4 was only quoted by the
promise of the new appOintee to marry
her.
If yon want to find policeman, it's ten
want him, it's hundred to one you will
find him.
"Figures can't ie," says an arithmeti-
clan. "YOu can't say that of women's
figures in these days." responded SANDER
GUS dressmaker.
A gentleman who had been struck by a
young lady's beauty, has determined to
follow the injunction, and "kiss the rod
that smote him."
A man in Michigan swapped his wife for
q horse. The paper don't say what was the
matter with the horse, that the owner
should fool it away.
A Chinaman's opinion of a trial by jury ::
Ore of the men was silent, the other spoke
all the time, and the twelve sages con-
demned the man who said not anything.
"Bob," said young fellow at q fancy
fair, "you are missing all the sights on this
side" "Never mind, Bill" retorted Bob,
81 am sighting all the misses on the other"
Blindman's buff is said to, come nearer
to genuine human sympathy than any
other amusement known to the children Of
men, because its a fellow feeling for a fell
low-creature.
A lady in Paris, impatient at hearing
nothing but French spoken day after day,
exclaimed one morning, on hearing cock
crow, CAT last there is somebody who
speaks English"
81 haven't another word to say, sir
never dispute with fools" said a gentleman
who was getting the worst of an argument.
"No," was the reply, "you are very sure to
agree with them"
"Mamma,n said little girl to her mo-
Their, "do you know how ! get to bed
quickf" emo" was the reply. "Well,"
said she, in great glee, step one foot
over the crib, then say rats and brighten
myself right in"
your salary" said the head off department
in the New York custom-hOuse, to one of
his clerks. "Work I" exclaimed the young
fellow, 81 worked to get here; y0N surely
don't expect me to work any longer"
A man brought before justice of the
peace, charged with some petty crime,
pleaded in extenpation a natural infirmity.
Isl would have considerable of figure in
the world, judge" said he, elf I hadn't
been a fool; it's a dreadful drawback on a
man.
A simple fellow once said of famous
beauty, (" could have courted and married
her easy enough, if I'd wanted to-" "And
pray, why didn't you Z" asked his friend.
HOh, when began to court her, you see,
she asked to be excused, and 30 excused
herr
"Why don't you washs the bottom of
your feet, Johnny 2" asked a grandmother
of boy, when he was performing the
operation before retiring for the night; to
which he very gravely replied, "Why,
granny, doesn't think I'se goin' to stand up
in bed, does ye {"
A Chinese widow being found tanning
the grave of her husband, was asked why
she performed SO singular an operation.
She said she had promised. not to marry
while the grave remained damp, and that,
as 1t dried very slowly, she saw NO harm in
assisting the process.
A Yorkshire lad had whole Dutch
cheese set before him by o waggish fellow,
who, however, gave him no knife. "This
is . funny cheese, said the lao; =" but
where shall cut it 2" "Oh," said the
grinning fellow, " cut it where you like"
livery well, )" said the sharp youth, coolly
putting it under his arm, "thep I'll cut it at
home" III 80 s1r-'59 = I
= Nat M was queer genius. A neigh