Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1870-12-16
Taurt fur 3juuturisfs.


chickens have gone to bed" Yes,
mama, and SO has the old hem"
IN CoNFipENcE. your own
secrets: Youth will blnb, aud II is
quite certain that, age viii TELL"
WIZ Ii lighting cigar 4 second
time much the same as declining to nc
cept one from friend Because you
refuse Il.
A STUDENT of anatomy says he has
not yet been able To discover the bone
OF contention, y but thinks 1t must be
situated near the jawbone.
THE MAYOR of an interior Texas
city, instead Of issuing "A proclamation
against the dogs, goes through the
streets with double barrel shotgun
and shoots them.
WHY Il the fh;r sex In Canada sus-
pected Of a tendency to homicide =
because IL is fond of sleighing y. Il.
mo wonder their gals over there are
considered so killing.
GARDENERS mind their peas, actors
MUD their cues; but rhnrch-wardens,
instead of Winding their p's and as.
very often give their attention to their
pews and keys.
To make a little boys trowsers
'last. when you make a suit of
clothes for him, finish the coat first,
and byso doing goa aats{ic the trowsers
last. 1t is the only way the thing can
be done.
A scHooI-GIRI was recently asked
at an examination, by the clergyman,
to tell him whit Adam lost by his fall
aud when pressed, she replied:
suppose il was his hat.n
THE citizens of New-Albany were
considerably troubled because tibet own
c,oclS kept such bad time. II was
finally discovered that the birds perch
cd on the hands and interfered with
their movement
+" JoHN,n said father TO his son
one day when he caught him shaving
the " down" Off his upper lip. "don't
throw your shaving-water out where
there are any barefooted boy's. for
they might get their feet pricked.".
A GENTLEMAN passing through a
potatf-field observeds an freshman
NfuntltE lfotatDtts Ilt ifIlutitU WiAt
kind he had there. Raw ones, TO be
they were boiled they wouldn't grow.n
THERE Il an improbable story that a
New-Jersy hen misIaid an egg. wien
another hen set on IL, and the origina'
hen recognized the chicken after Ii
was Matched The setting hen claimed
a fowl" but the umpire has not
tiven his decision.
A SAN JOSE California; paper has n
sensation article of column headed.
" A Girl Possessed Of the DrviI.n An
exchange says this may be a novelty
in San Jose, but girls similarly pos
scssed are so abundant that they have
ceased to excite special attention here.
" WHAT is the difference between
30 minutes and my Youngest sister ?n
asked a protection boy OF his grave
uncle. :" don't know; what is it?"
was the uncicS reply. Why ones
an hour, and the others our ANN
was the stunning explanation.
a FEMALE cahinet-maker graces the
census-tables Of lowe. That's nothing.
We have plenty of women East here.
set tables, and, IN short. are ready to
Join almost any thing, from small
tea-party up to woman's Rights As
ISOLATION.
THEY have an exciting amusement
at the South Carolina county fairs. An
unfortunate gandcr has his neck and
head well CREASED, after being Invested
Of feathers. and Is then suspended by
its feet. while the gallant knights gal.
lon Underneath and endeavor as they
pass 10 drag the shrieking bird from
It's fastening.
THE La Cross Laoaer Is RESPONSE
bic for the follow: Not long since,
while one Of the river-hoats WA taking
on some live stock, among the lot was
one large gray mule that refused to
walk the staging. The mate sung out
to a roustabout 10 twist his tail, and
he'd come A coroner's Jury have
decided that the man came to his deah
By obcying orders.'"