The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-11-10
WIT AND HUMOR.

ccssity knows no law.
"A little three year old girl in New
Orleans recently astonished her moth
er, who attempted TO correct her, by
motioning her away with her chubby
little hand, and scornful|y saying,
"Shoo fly, don't bodder me-"
-" But, father, you know that love
makes the time fly" said an cntlusias
tic daughter, who was arguing in favor
OF longer hridaltrip than usual.
Yes, my dear, l know it does at first,
but you'll find in the end that time will
make love hy,'
"A bootblack having taken stu
alton in stole to sweep ont and run
errands, was questioned by some for.
mer associates whether he felt as good
rs when he was in business for himself.
"Wcll, It's hard to he hosscd round,n
was the reply, - but pay it off on the
ashman."
"A student Of grammar upon the
twenty day system, undertook to parse
the sentence. Mary milks the cow
and succeeded as follows: Cow is II
noun, feminine gender, singular num-
ber, third person, and stands for Mary.
Stands Cor Maryn' said the excited
professor, how do you make that
out p Because, answered the pupil,
if the COW didn't stand for Mary, how
could Mary milk her?
"A newspaper clerk some time ago
sold fifty papers to Il negro, who prom
scd faithfully to pay for them very
soon. The other day the clerk cncoun-
tered and dnnncd lin. Look here,
you freedman, when are you going to
pay for those papers ?" ''Don't trouble
me, boy, don't trouble me-" replied
the old dNrkcy, assuming an air Of bu
siness and at the same time getting out
Of the way. Use taken wild de bank.
rnptcy--no use to say muffin more on
dat subject.
"A Dulirul Daughter Tile father
Of Mrs, Siddons had always forbidden
her to marry an actor, and of course
she chose a member Of the old gentle
mans com ,pany, whom she secretly
welded When Roger Kemble heard
Of it he was furious. Have not he
exclaimed, "iorbade you to marry 4
playcr:' The lady replied with down
cast eyes that she had not disobeyed.
What, madam, have you not allied
yourself to marry about the worst per-
former in my company = Exactly
so,' murmured the timid bride; mo
l0dy can call him an actor"
When the late President Lincoln
was practicing law at Springfield, ILL.,,
he and the judge once got to bantering
one another about trading horses, and
it was agreed that the next morning at
nlne O clocl. they should make trade,
The horses to be unseen up to that hour,
ani no backing out under forfeiture
Of twenty five dollars. At the hour ap-
pointed the judge came up, leading the
sorricst looking specimen OF horse
ever seen in those pa IS. In 4 few min
utes MI Lincoln was seen approaching
with a wooden saw horse on his shoul.
der Great were the shouts and the
laughter of the crowd, and both were
greatly increased when Mr. Lincoln, on
surveying the judges animal, set down
his saw.horsc and eXclamed "Well,
judge, this is the first time | ever got
the worst Of it in. horso-tyade.'
An lrishman who had just landed
weht TO see his sister who was married
to Yankee. The couple lived very
happy in Chicago, and, when Pat came,
the gentleman took him over to his
place to show it to him. Pat, at the
evidences Of his prosperity, said to his
brother in,law:
"Begorra, /" you are very happy here
with this tne property to look on; my
sister had good luck intirely, so she
had, in getting you for husband
"Ah ses," responded the married
man, ''we would he very happy but for
one thing. All, Pat continued the
gentleman, 81 am sorry to say that
we have no children
mo childrcn!" exclaimed Pat;
thin, begorra, it's not my sister Mag.
gics fault, for she had two before she
left Ireland, and that is the rayson, my
father sent her to Ameriky.
An EXplosion.-The steamer S.,
commanded by Captain S., exploded
several years ago with terrible effect,
and burned to the waters edge. Cap
tain $. WAS blown into the air, alghting
near floating cotton bale, upon which
he iloatcd uninjured, but much black
ened and muddicd. Arrived at vii.
lage several miles below, to which the
news Of the disaster had preceded him.
he was accosted by the editor of the