Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1870-12-29
Pith and Marrow.

women were present was the most rlbald
and indecent one of the whole session.
Pith and Marrow.
Twenty-Five young fellows were per-
manently "put out" by base ball last
year.
The studious iute-bug horeth the emf
nine skull in Illinois. numernusi,.
Iu II late expedition to thu Pyramids.
the celebrated John Smith carved his
name in the left eye of the Sphinx.
An epitaph on husband and wife con-
cludes with the following ambiguous quo.
tation: "Their warfare is accomplished"
Gambetta's name in italian signifies
ga little leg" Leg bail in his case would
be simply personal recognizance.
The only way to make both ends meet
is to be reduced to extremities.
Sports for the nursery-Bat and bawl.
1t begins to look ominous when the wo-
man of the period wants her club; she
used to be satisfied with her broomstick.
A good housewives motto-Whatever
thou dost, dust it with all thy might.
The9 best way to secure legacy is to
go al it with will
Terre Haute clamors for peanut stands,
to give an air of business to its streets.
The man who would keep hi. head
cool shouldn't put 'stove-pipe' on it
What sort of fruit is most sought after
~ NV Iof 1otas
When is side of leather like iron-rust !?
When it is an ox-hide.
Why is a newspaper like wife ? Be-
cause every man should have one Of his
own.
Why lie a selfish person like this letter
P? Because, though first in pity, he is
the last in help.
Why is it important for physician to
"keep his temper 2" Because if he did
not he would be apt to loose his patients.
In Cork, the crier of the court, anxious
to dispense the crowd around the bar, ex-
claimed, "All ye blaokguards that isn't
lawyers, quit the COURT
A medical student says he has never
been able to discover the bone of conten-
ton, and desires to know whether it Ia
not situated near the jaw bone.
A young lady at an examination in
grammar. was asked why the noun
"bachelor" was singular. She r"Piseo
Immediately, with much nafVete: be
cause it Is very singular they don't get
=aeHLfeu.
A smart lad, hearing his mother re-
mark that she was fond of music, ex-
claimed, "Then why don't you get me
drum"
The Danbury Neaas says that the reason
schoolboys delight to dig and explore
caves is because of the recess there.
An Irish painter declares in an adver-
tisement that among other portraits he
has representation of death as large as
life
A Chicago girl, finding her lover had
another wife, jumped into the river, bat
the water was so thick she couldn't sink,
and she was saved and will marry him az
soon as he gets divorce.
There are two reasons why some people
don't mind their own business. One is
that they haven't any business, and the
second that they have no mind.
Says Kate to her new husband, John,
what rock does true love split upon ~
Quoth John, and grinued from ear TO ear,
THE rock of yonder cradle, dear.
Josh Billings divides the human race
into three classes: "Those who think it
is so, those who think it isn't so, and those
who don't care whether it is so or not"
= man advertises for "competenrper-
son TO undertake the sale of a new medi-
cine" and adds that sit will be profitable
TO the undertaken"
The latest smartness of a New York
pictorial is cut representing railroad
conductor sticking his head in the car
and shouting, Indianapolis. fifteen min
utes for divorces"
The painter wasn't more than n mile
out of the way when he made the drug
gist's sign read "Phy sicians' preserip-
ton carefully confounded"
A young man in Ohio recently opened
clothing store, and was sent to Ill for
it. Reason The clothing store belonged
to another man.
A proud and loving Missouri father
thus delicately sets forth the acoc mplish-
ments of his daughter; "She can ever
lastingly paw ivory and howl like a
mule"
A country girl coming from the field
was told by her cousin that she looked
as fresh as daisy kissed by the dew.
'No indeed" was the simple reply, that
wasn't his name"
In Wyoming woman beat her hus-
band in the nomination for loo Il Office,
and they went home perfectly satisfied
that the Office was in the family.
Creditor-"How often murt | climb
three pairs of stairs before | get the amt
of this little account Debtor-"Do you
think am going to rent place On the
first floor to accommodate my creditors ?
(Which side of the street do you live
on, Mrs. Kimple ?" said a counsel, cross
examining a witness. "On either side,
sir. If ye go one way, it's on the right ;
| if va on tho nther wav It's IN the loft ~