The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1870-09-09
Iowa PLAIN DEALER.

Grocers should remember that honest.
tea is the lest policy.
u --swcetest of strains--trying to lift a
prdH girl on horse.
An indolent fellow declares he prefers
rol1bin bed to rolls at breakfast.
A pennsy lvania school marin recently
''atruck lie. But it was a Juvenile.
A very clever distinction A lover is
suer-an heiress-hunter a purse-suer.
She who can compose cross baby is
greater than che who composes books.
A nursery must be great place for
dancing 1t is generally regular
bawl room.
The young lady who cook the eye Of
everybody" has been arrested for stealing
Is it any evidence because woman
has mobile facc that she is native of
Alabama.
Chandler is to have bust-by Vir-
GINA sculptor. lie has the other kind
every week.
Milkmcn arc happy fellows. They en-
JOY Ahanselves at the watering places all
the year.
Life sometime hangs by single thread
batuet long Hemp and fifteen minutes
does the business.
Man NAV be worm; but \ glance at
the dandy proves that he is not the worm
that never dyes.
When q man is sleepy what sort of trans
formation does he desire. He wishes he
he were a-bed.
What do we seek redress for when we
90 to law !-'.Injuries." Where do we
fpd it In juries.'
The most direct method of determining
horse power Stand behind and tickle
his hind legs with briar.
"a young gentleman who does not ad-
miro blondes says that foolish virgins are
theircd :. haired girls that use no oil.
An old Greenland seaman said he could
really believe that crocod,les shed tears,
Tor he had often seen whales blubber.
A good excuse for married ladies to in
ddIas ID tight lacing is, IN a good house
keeper there should be no waste"
An Irishman was challenged to fight a
duel, but declined on he plea that he did
NOT wish to leave his mother an orphan.
Some one says if the night air is as IN
he$lthy as the doctors say it is how do
they sthen account for the longevity OF
Mrs. Partington says that because
dancing-girls are stars, it is no reason
why they should be regarded as Heavenly
bodies"
Why does the ocean commerce of Amer
lea remind one of the ratings of a gal
lery?- Because, just now, it is simply bal
last trnde.
Fish remains in the Cabinet-so he
says-to accommodate Grant. 1t is thus
that prominent men sacrifice themselves
for their country.
1t is said that all Japanese women
can read write and cipher. An exchange
says: sin civilized nations men sigh for
them" Oh!
Ashusband in this city, who interview
ed his wife, says she is right on the lead
ing questions OF the day but wrong on The
leading strings
The worst yet. An exchange gets off the
following horrible conundrum: aWhy is an
empty champagne bottle like ar orphaae
Because it has lost its pop.
tits said the President has gone to Lone
Branch FOR the relaxation and rest which
he SO much needs We thought it Uas
thehcrse-race he wanted to sac.
Blessed are they that are ignorant for
they are happy in thinking they know
everything. Blessed are orphan children.
tor they have no m others to spank them.
A militia officer being told by phre
nologist that he had the organ of locality
very large innocently replied, Very like.
y. Twas fifteen years colonel in the
local militia
Here is a profane canundrum, for which
the Independent Is responsible. Wha is
the difference between temptation and
eternity?. The one is a vile of devil an
the.other devil Of while.
1T isnot always mark of frankness to
possess an open countenance. An alliga-
lsadeceitful creature, and yet he presents
IN open countenance when he is in the
very act Of taking you in.
A girl, hearing the lady of her house
at dinner, ask her husband to bring
"Dombcy and son" with him when he
came home to tea, had two extra plates
on'the table for the supposed visitors.
Two wsll-dresscd shoemakers being in
the Company Of some gentlemen, were
asked their profession. Says one Of them,
Il practice the hcel-ing art" '"and |"
FaEs.the other, 'labor for the good Of
mems soies!''
At recent Sabbath school concert, lit
I'll boy stood up TO say his "piece,' and
forgetting the words Of the text, hesitatcd
moment, then with all the assurance
possible said, BLESSED are the shoemakers.'
As Claude Rs wife sat quietly in
the twilight, a fellow stole behind her and
kissed her. sIs it you, Claude" she ask
cd,hurriedly. "No, dear madam" A
moment aiterward he was heard to ex-
claim: ooh. yes am clawed now in
deed am"
The Louisville Couricr-Journal says
that General Towards character "dark-
ems through the whitewash like a ton Of
charcoal through mosquito-bar."
The following lines were found on law
yer's table in the Rochester Courthouse