The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1870-02-05
josh Bnlings on Choosing Husband.


1. The man who IL jellus ov every
little attenshun yugit from sum other
fellow, yu will find, after yu are married
tew him, luvs himself more than he duz
yu, and what yu, mistook for solissitude,
yu will diskover, has changed into indif
ference. Jellusy isn't a hart disease ; it
il liver komplaint
2. A mustash IL not indispensable it
il only little more hair, and il good
deal like moss and other excresences-
often duz the best on sile that won't raize
ennything else. Don't forgit that those
things which yu admire in fellow be-
fore marriage, yu will probably hav tew
admire in husband after, and mustash
will git to be a very week diet after a
long time.
g. If husbands could be took on trial,
az Irish cooks are, tew-thirds OF them
would probably be returned but there
don't seem to be emmy law fur this.
Tharefore, girls, yu will see that after yu
git man, yu hav got tew keep him,
even if yu lose on him. Consequently,
if yu hav got emmy cold vittles in the
house, try him on them, once and while,
during securing seeson, and if he swat-
| lers them we'll, and sez he will take some
more, he IL a man who, when blue Mon
day Gums, will wash we'll.
L. Don't marry pheller who il alwuz
a telling how hiz mother duz things. 1t
liz az hard to suit these men az it IL tew
wean a yung one.
/ 5. If "a yung man can beat you playing
on a pianner, and kant hear fish horn
playing in the street without turning a
back summersett on account ov the mu-
sick that is in him, he might answer to
tend the babe, but if you set him hoe
ing out the garden, yu will find that yu
hav got to do it yurself A man who's
whole heft lies in music (and not very
helfty at that, amt no better for a hus-
band than seedIitz powder, but if he
luvs tew listen while yu sing sum gentle
ballad, yu will find him mellow, and SO
soft. But don't marry ennybody for jist
one virtew emmy quicker than yu would
flop man for jist one fault.
6. It is one of the most tuffest things
fur female to be an old maid success
fully. A CRATE menny haz tried it, and
made bad job of it. Everybody seems
to look upon old maids just az they dew
upon dried harbs-in the garrct, handy
for sickness-and, tharefore, girls. it ain I
a mistake that yu shood be willin to swop
yurself oph with sum rroo phellow fur a
troo husband. The swop iz good one,
but don't swop fur emmy man who IL re-
spectacle jist because his father il. Yu
had better be an old maid for thousand
yeres, and then jine the Shakers, than te
bi repentance at this prise. No woman
ever made this trade who didn't git either
a phool, a mean cuss, or clown fur a
husband.
7. La digging down into this subject
find the digging grows harder the further
git. 1t il mulch easier tew inform yu
who not tew marry, than who tew, fun
the reason thare is more ov them.
l don't think yu will foller mi advice
if Civ it; and tharefore l will keep it
for look upon advice as I do upon cas-
tor-rile-a mean dose tew Civ and mean
dose tew take.
But I must say one thing. girls, OIL
spile: IF yu can find bright eyed
healthy and wellballasted boy, who looks
upon poverty as sassy as a child looks
upon welth-who had ruther sit down or
the curbstun, in front of the 9Th avenue
hotel, and eat ham sandwich, than tew
90 inside and run in debt for his dinner
and toothpick-one who il armed with
that kind of pluck which mistakes de
feat for victory, my advice is to take
him body and sole-snare him at wunst
for he il a stray trout, Nv breed very
skarse in our waters.
Take him, I say, and bid onto him, a.
hornets bid onto tree.