Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1870-03-22
Communicated


~
Cast thy bread upon the waters and
it will return after many days" 1t was
very beautiful to read about | thought,
as | sat so YEARLY counting over the
many little loaves | had scattered about
upon the stream of my own brief exist
ence; but hard to realize the comfort the
words implied, for everywhere turned
for return of mine | saw no proof of
such fact. Still | asked again and
again, why? but echo only answered,
why - echo = the soundless soul of
things that come from hearts already
crushed-only Knocked me, as it were,
with the vacancy of proof ] was not
faithless, either, in the mercy of my God
for it was all had left to give me com
fort now; still | was not happy-never
expected to be again, for hope had
flown from the star of my fate, and
despair sat enthroned upon its seat, and
reigned like a usurping despot does
welding the scepter with little charity.
was sad that day--perhaps sadder than
was the usual custom of my thoughts
for my heart was weary even unto death,
and I longed-oh, how much-to die;
but death never comes TO those who
court it as friend, think, for if any
one could clasp the friendship of that
shadowy hand, I know | would have
welcomed it with untold pleasure
Strange, too, that one so young as |
should give up all Che hopes of earth;
but it was even so. / arose and walked
to and fro, with my hands clasped above
my head pacing the narrow limits of
my prison walls, fretting bitterly at my
captivity; back and forth trod the con-
fines of my cherries room till, physically
wearied ] paused in sheer defense, and
leaned my frail body on the bureau for
support Involuntarily my eyes fell on
the mirror, and the image it reflected
startled me with its ghostliness
Was this indeed the face that
called forth the admiration of many
warm and loving hearts now only six
short months gone by? | thought,
can it be possiblc9 and have grown to
be living testimony of despair? Surely
il must be so, for il was written on every
feature. traced in every line gathering so
sadly there, marring the beauty Of the
once polished surface. Sadly exam
ined the wreck; calmly, too, without one
shadow of regret, for what was it to me
whether the face was soft in its full out
lines of youthful freshness, or wan and
pale, with all its former charms forever
gone? What feeling of sorrow need ]
feel for the wealth Of jetty curls that
were my prided glory in happier daysg
No; it made no difference now, since
everything had passed beyond my choice,
and the short eurls that clustered around
my face did just US well as those that
persisted beneath the unsparing swoop
of the destroyer. just as well, even if
they were frosted with silver threads,
that shone out in bold distinctness to
mark the empire they held over the
nightly shades that still crowned my
youthful head, making background to
set off the strange contrast stood
long time looking at it ALL and then
turned TO resume my dreary, monoton-
GUS occupation. 0od know the depths
of my misery, and only Him, for was
far away from all my kindred, and sur
rounded by those who felt no sympathy
for my deep grief beyond the general
impulse of remark, and |, with all my sor-
row, was faF i0q proud 20 ask for comfort
in my extremity. so hugglng il still
closer to myself, was dragging out a
miserable existence-tired of the boon
of ife-tired of the weary trial that sub
mitted me to all the affection Of my
heavy GTOss,. for ! was both physi-
cally and mentally debilitated so
much so that | was perfectly helpless
and completely shut off from all the lit
tie opportunities that might have bright
eped the darkness of the cloud Poor
captive that ! was, ! almost regarded
even Gods blessed sunshine as curse
In this bitter mood ] laid my weary
head and heart 10 rest preparatory TO
filling an engagement. ! had, with a
lady acquaintance to walk when the sun
should hide his face behind the far-of
clouds. Mechanically ] finished my
simple toilet, and started on my way,
caring little whether the smiles or frowns
Of earth would greet me; but as ] walked,
somehow softer feeling crept into my
I desOlate heart, and | begun TO realize
that love did not send all those pleasant
I things 10 us 10 cast aside a. naught, even
/ IL sorrow did oil the cup Of life with Bit
/ ter drops This thought. combined with
I the gentle tenderness Of my companions
sympatmzing remarks, caused a great
revolution in my feelings; and when she
turned to me and said so sweetly, Miss
Mollie, | am coming over tomorrow TO
FIX that dress you are trying 10 remodel,
! IL yOu will accept the service" I felt a
strange chidingin my heart, that should
have been so rebelli0us; ] felt the peni-
tent tears dimning my eyes. 80 | raised
them 10 her face 20 thank her for what
seemed to me a providential rebuke ]
thanked her simply, and accepted the
kindness that called forth the feelings Of
my better nature When took leave Of
her, wondered II some good angel did
not whisper 10 her heart the good work her
simple kindness had wrought in the heart
Of less fortunate sister, for, as fol-
Io=ca in though; ;hhf5aEh the pesfiy
gates. and paused before the court Of
Heaven, / ihncied Il was a bright star in
the rrown ! fruSf the anneIa ara making