The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-10-18
Il U M 0 Ro U S 1T EMS .

BSy@ by singular coincidence, young
George Washington's unwillingness to
lie, and old hens readiness to lay
both have something to do with little
hatch it.
ps5@ The following was found posted on
the wall of a country post office: Lost
a red kat. lie had white spot on one
Of his behind leggs He was q she kat.
| will give three shillings to everiboddi
to bring him hom."
be- a San Francisco paper says that
IA cat got into George Francis Trains
bedroom, and tried to suck his breath
mot knowing who he was" 1t was the last
Of that cat. 1t died-blown up with
wind like Il balloon and Train didn't miss
it at all
30 A young gentleman having called
in his physician, said, Now, sir, [ wish
no more trifing. My desire is, that you
at once strike at the root of my disease p
1t shall be done" replied the doctor;
and lifting his cane, he smashed the
deconter. which stood on the table.
bG"RATHER wEAK-"Sir," said the as
tonished landlady to Il traveller, who had
just sent his cup forward the seventh
time, you must be very fond Of coffee"
" Yes, madam, l am" he replied, or I
never should have drank so much water
to get little"
va " How is it my dear that you
have never kindled flame in the bosom
Of a'man ?' said an old lady to her pret-
ty niece, who was portionlcss.
" The reason dear, )" replied the young
lady, " is as you well know, that I am
not good match"
11y~ A party of belatcd gentlemen.
about certain hour, began to think of
home, and their wives displeasure and
urge a departure. "Never mind" said
one Of the guest, fifteen minutes will
make no difference my wife is as mad
now as she can be-"
DG5@ At a recent wedding the bride
groom, being an officer, wore his side
arms at the nuptials A little wide
awake brother Of the bride, was attracted
by the display Of weapons, and as he has
another sister, whose " true love" is a car
penter, he boldly inquired, May, when
Jenkins comes to marry Milly, VIII he
wear his saw by his side ?"
DG5~ A Quaker, travelling on one of
Augustus bad roads, short time AGO,
and hearing a man swear at d particular
ly bad piece Of road said " Friend I am
under great obligation to thee. [ would
myself have done what thou has done
but my religion forbids ME. Don't let
my conscience, however bride thee;
give thy Indignation wings, and suffer
not the prejudice of others to paralyze
the tongue Of justice and long suffering
yea, verify"
bG75@ At a station on the overland route
the keeper got rather short of provisions
in fact had nothing left but bottle of
mustard and some bacon. AS the stage
stopped there one day to change horses
the passengers seated themselves at the
table, and the host said
Shall I help you to a piece of ba-
con ?"
NO, thank you never cat bacon"
said one traveller.
Well, then" said the station keeper
help yourself to the mustard p'
HSg~ A gentleman driving up to a
country inn, accosted youth thusly:
My lad, extricate my quadruped from
the vehicle, stabulate him, donate to him
sufficient supply of nutritious aliment,
and when the aurora of morn shall again
illuminate the oriental horizon, will
award you pccuniary compensation for
your aimable hospitality"
The boy becoming puzzled, and not
comprehending the gentleman's high
sounding efusion, ran to the house and
exclaimed:
Daddy, there is a Dutchman out
here who wants lager beer"
Ba~" Will you do me a favor ?" says
young Brooks to his wealthy friend,
Simon Hanson.
"What is it George ?" says Hanson
81 wish you would lend me hundred
dollars, sir"