The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-01-27
NV Wife's Bridal Tour.
BY NOSE SKINNER.


six months or year, and I'd try to go
with her. but she said she rather go alone
when woman was travelling a man was
an out-and-out humbug.
So 1 gave her seventy-fve cents, and
told her to go off and have good time.
1 never begrudge money where my wife's
happiness is concerned. My first wife
never could complain of not going any
where's, for I'm dreadful fierce to go off
on q good time myself, and always was.
1 don't pretend to say how many times l
took her out to see the engine squirt, and
there was no end to the free lectures let
her go to. The neighboas used to say !:
"It does beat all how the SINNERS go"
When Signor Bltz was in Slunkville,
with his wonderful canaries, he gave my
wife complimentary ticket. I not only
sold that ticket for my wife, but 1 gave
her half the money. don't boast of it,
though; only mention it to show how
much 1 thought of my wite's happiness.
I don't think any man ought to get
married till he can consider bis wife's
happiness only second to his own. John
Wise, neighbor of mine, did thusly, and
when I got married 1 concluded I'd do
like Wise.
But the plan didn't work in the case of
my second wife. No, 1 should think not.
1 broached the subject kindly.
"Matilda," I said, "I suppose you are
aware that am now your lord and mas
ter"
"Not much you ain't," said she.
"Mrs. Skinner" l replied, "you are
fearfully demoralized. You need reor-
ganizing at once. You are cranky" And
1 brandished my sixty-two cent umbrella
wildly around her.
She took the umbrella away from me,
and locked me up in the clothespress.
am quick to draw an inference, and
the inference l drew hero was, that was
not q success as q reorganizer OF female
women.
After this, I changed my tactics. [ let
her have her own way, and the plan
worked to a charm from the very first.
It's the best way Of managing wife that
I know Of Of course this is between you
and me.
So when my wife was bound to go off
on bridal tour anyhow, l cordially as
scnted $50, Matilda" said I sand stay
as long as you want to; then if you feel
as though you would like to stay little
while longer, stay, my dear, stay"
She told me to stop talking, and go up
stairs and get her red flannel night-caP,
and that bag of pcnny-royal for her aunt
Abigail.
My wife IS very smart woman. She
was Baxter and the Baxters are very
smart family indeed. Her mother, who
is going on eighty, can fry more slapjacks
now, than half these primped up city girls,
who rattle on the piano, or else walk the
street with their furbelows and fxings,
pretending to get mad if a young chap
looks at 'em pretty hard, but getting mad
in earnest if you don't take any notice Of
them at all.
All &! girls amt what they used to be
when l was young, and the fellows arc
worse still. When 1 went courting, for
instance, never thought of staying till
after ten o'clock, and only went twice
week Now they 80 seven nights in
week, and cry because there ain't eight.
They write touching notes to each other
during the day. "Dear George, doy you love
me as much now as you did at quarter
past twelve last night? Say you do, dear
est, and it will give me courage to go
down stairs and tackle them cold beans
left over from yesterday"
Well, we'll, suppose they enjoy them
selves, and it amt for US old folks, whose
hearts have got little calloused by long
wear, to interfere. Le, them get together
and court if they like it, and think they
do. L was forty y-seven when courtcd my
present wife, but it seemed just as nice to
sit on little cricket ut her feet and let
her smooth my hair, as it did thirty years
ago.
As I said before, my wife is very
smart woman, but she couldn't be any
thing else, and Baxter. She used to
give lectures on Woman's Rights, and in
one place where she lectured, a big col:
ege conferred the title of Il. L. D. upon
her But she wouldn't take it, "No,
gentlemen" she said, ''give it to the poor"
She always was just so charitable. She
gave my boys permission to 60 barefoot
ed all winter, and insisted upon it so much
in her kind way, that they could not re-
fuse.
She fairly dotes on my children, and
I've seen her many time go to their
trowscrs pocktet and take out their pen
nies after they'd got to sleep, and put
them in her bureau drawer for fear they
might loose them. Il
[ started to tell you about my wifc's
bridal tour, but the fact is, l never could
find out much about it myself. L believe
she had q good time. She came back i'm
proved in health, and found out, before
she had been in the house twenty-four
hours, that she had gained in strength al
so. l don't say how l found it out. I
simply say found it out.