Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1870-06-15
CAVALIER DOGS"
Mark Twafn's History of the Founder
of the Family and his Descendants

/ VI ar X TWa1nS HISTORY OF the Founder
of the Family and his Descendants,
When Noah disembarked at Ararat. he
had scarcely touched the pier when he pro-
ceeded to rally his passengers. He had
! lust checked his last item in the list-a Mr..
and Mrs Redbug-when the cringing fig-
ure of quadruped came sneaking down
the gang plank with his tail between his
legs. '.Drat, it.. if there amt that waller
dogr' says Noah, aiming vicious kick with
his brogan at the brute. But, with facil-
ity born of long and bitter experience, the
brute lodged the projectile, and ejaculat-
ing ''ki-yi, which is Syriac for declined
with thanks" or mot for Jo," he disap-
peared, while Noah, who had his sea-leps
on, was unable to recover his equilibrium,
and sat down with emphasis on the back
of his head.
Noah arose, and, in accordance with the
style prevalent among the patriarchs, he
proceeded to soothe his affronted dignity
/ by pronouncing a variegated anathema
upon the yaller dog, which had character
| istically sneaked unobserved on board, in
the confusion of putting to sea, and cap
| sized the captain at the first port. He
cursed that dog in body, limb, bark, hide,
hair, tail, and wag, and all his generations,
| relations and kindred, by consangunity or
lAHlCys duu uib HOlrS duu dSSlSnS. he
cursed him with endless hunger, with per
petual fear, with perennial lazlness, with
hopeless mango, with incessant feas, and
with his tail between his legs. He closed
his stock of maledictions by a sparkling
display of pyrotechnics, from the demoral-
izing effect of which the yaller dog has
never recovered.
With this curse sticking to him like a
revenue stamp, the yaller dog can't help
being tcussed." He don't try to help it.
He follows Noah's programme with sneak
ing fidelity. He is an Ishmaelite among
dogs. He receives the most oppressive
courtesieS in the form of brickbats, boots,
and hot water, which make his life an ami
mated target excursion. He boards around
like district school-teacher, and it is meal
time with him "a hours in the day. The
rest Of the timehe bankers after something
to eat. He is too omniverous for an cpl
cure. Cram him at Delmomico's, and he
would hunger for dessert from an Albany
boarding house.
He can't be utilized. He is too tired
AS swill-cart locomotive, hunter, or a
sentinel, heis an ignominious failure The
dog-churn was strategic attempt to en-
ploy his waste energies, but he hadn't any
waste energies, and butter had too much
self-respect to ''come" at his persuasion
So the dog-churn was dropped.
No sausage maker dare foreclose his lien
on the yaller dog, lest his customers-no
longer ''soothed and sustained by an un-
faltering trust transfer their patronage
to some less audacious dealer. The saw
ages, who admire baked dog and who can
even attack tripe and explore the myster-
les of hash without dismay, acknowledged
the yaller dog to be too much for their gas
trio intrepidity.
He always manages to belong to rag
ged, tobacco chewing, whisky drinking
master, whose business is swapping dogs
and evading the dog tax. The yaller dog
is acquainted with himself, and he enjoys
the intimacy with edifying contempt. He
sinks along through lie, on diagonal
dog-trot, as in doubt AS to which end of
him is entitled to the precedence. He is
always pervaded by hang-dog sense of
guilt and when retributive tinware is fast
ened to his tail, he 'siies from the wrath
to come" with Mortified celebrity which
ought to be very suggestive to two legged
sinners Of similar ordeal in store for him.
The yaller dog is-well, to speak in ital-
ics he is a SlO1Lch.