The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-12-04

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The latest sair-restorer is thief VIII,
stole quantity of wigs, and afterwarAi
returned them to the owner.
At what time of life may nsh be said
to belong to the vegetable kinadomf When
long experience has made BIN sage.
Il The Eeasou there 40 40 many sleeps
@heads rs existence il. because such number
Of children are .srerfect little lambs"
MADAM, ysh said your son was law
( var has l6 much practice Z" eyes, sir,
he has gfeat practice-of smoking cigars. u
deAnGnent customers by displaying their
l0rtraits upside down, labelled, Not paid
Two twin brothers in Boston are said to
be 80 much alike that they frequently bor-
row money of each other without know
Somebody said to Jerrold, al have Just
had some calf's tail SOUP" when the wit
replied, Well, extremes do meet some
times" f
Mothers used to provide switches for
their daughters from the nearest bush now
the daughters get their own switches from
Che millinef.
There are two directly opposite reasons
why q man sometimes cannot get credit
one is, because he is not known, and the
other because he is.
Yon have only yourself to please, y
I said q Benedict to an old bachelor. "True,"
xEeplied he ). but You cannot tell what a
diffeplt task I ind -it."
I4ady Yarmouth asked Garrick one day
S why Love was slEAys represented as a
le31llA. He answered, q Because Love never
Epeshee the age Of wisdom and experience"
a q Brownts Well, I always made it rule
to tsal my wife everything that happens"
ing. !. I tell NY wife lots Of things that
never happen at ALL
What fine head your boy has, said
an admitting friend. Yes,n said the fond
father, he's chip of the old block, amt
you, Johnnyf' :" guess so," said the boy,
" my Ieacher said l was a young block
head.n
Two prisoners were lately acquitted of
theft. The magistrate told them not to go
there again, or they might not be 80 fortu-
nate. One of the prisoners said, No, your
worship; we should not have come now if
1--WE had not been brought"
A young lady was approached the other
sevening, in one of the churches, by SYM
3pathizing friend, who asked, Do you not
wish to get religionq" eyes," she replied,
p but not until the 9th of December;
want to go to the grand ball first"
A story il told of a jolly fellow who re-
$ided in Edinburgh about four years, and |
vben on southern visit was asked how he
liked the water up north. 'tBy George, |
pr. JONES'" said he, after moments re-
Election, I" never thought to try it,"
3 A PENNSYLVANIA editor having stated in
Paragraph that there was a man in that
place who had been drunk for thirty
Gears, was called upon by different per-
Sons, who demanded q retractiOn, each in
Visiting that the item was a personal attack.
When sudden change of ministry took
pver Lord Harcourt to Dublin Castle, as
new Lord Lieutenant, he surprised his pre-
decessor at q carOuse at three O'Clock in the
morning. The latter, however, was ready
with a Jest. "Your lordship," said he,
fscannot say you found us mapping"
1 A Yankee named Sands threatened to sue
for damages in a case of breach of promise
of marriage. He was offered two hundred
dollars to heal his broken heart. 1.-TWO (
hundred - he exclaimed. "Two hundred
dollars for ruined hopes, blasted life
Two hundred dollars for all thisf Never i
But make it three hundred and it's bar
gain"
/ What is correspondent worth if he can
not invent al have seen all your original
facts in a paper two days old, said a Ger
lnan editor To his correspondent. "Impos-
bible n replied the retailer of news, i'm
possible; any other part of my contribu-
lions are open to doubt, but original facts :
always invent myself"
An Irish ostler was sent to the stable to h
bring out a travellers horse, but not know d
ing which of the two strange horses in the O
stalls belonged to the traveller, and wishing c
10 avoid the appearance of ignorance W
his business, he saddled both animals am II
brought them to the door. The traveller a
pointed to his own horse, saying, "That's
ny nag.n "sCertainly your honor, / know
Int very WE'LL" said Pat, "but didn't Fl
NOW which was the other gentleman's." g
A bishop whos was fond of shooting, in q
me of his excursions met with friends =
whom he sharply reproved for =
to his religious duties, exhort- !,
ng him strenuously to ego to church, and p p
cad his Bible" The keeper, in an angry o
mood, replied, /" Why, do read my Bible,
lr, but don't flnd in it any mention of the
Ipostles going shooting" "No,, my a
pod man, you are right" said the bishop n
they went fishing instead" m