Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1870-04-10
A Gulled Philosopher.

In one of his spicy, racy, weekly
letters to the Philadelphia Sunday
Mercury, the bold Don Carlos tells
how our Horace was recently gulled
in an OrnithOlogical and original
manner:
The philosopher of the Tribune,
having recovered from the heavy at
tack Of political economy" under
which, for a long time, he labOred,
has broken out in a new spot, and is
telling his readers all about it in the
columns of his journal. He is afflicted
now with "What 1 Know About
Farming" and has it bad. Horace,
you know, owns a farm at Chappaqua,
where he raises cabbages, pumpkins
and beats, a few hay and corn, a rea-
sOnable quantity of hens and
chickens, with necessary rOOsters,
and a small amount of pigs
in the season thereof. What Horace
does not know about farming he may
leara in time. What he does know of
fowls of the barn-dOOr persuasion he
tells at every hen and chicken show
held in this region. With other vari-
cites of fowls, birds of other feathers,
he is not so well posted, as will be seen
from the following: a few days ago
he received a pair of fancy birds sent
him by one of his numerous admir-
ers. The express receipt called them
''turtle-doves." Horace was delighted
with the birds, hung them up in his
sanctum, intending to take them up
to Chappaqua that evening, and
pitched into his chapter on farming"
Whitlaw Reid came III sOOn-after, and
seeing the birds cried out:
"HullOa, Hold, what have you
here?"
"Turtle-dOves," responded Horace,
without desisting from his farming
operations.
q" TurtIe-dOves-nOt muchp' said
Whi5laW, with a twinkle in his ewes.
" They are ring-dOve5, Hod," he adj
ded, with iesleavy emphasis on ring.
Now, ~ it known that WhitlaW
don't know a turtle-dOve from a hen
clam, or a ring-dOve from a hoop
snake, but felt like plaguing Horace,
you know.
"SOme one of the Ring sent you
these birds, Hold, for a joke" he fur
thermOre added.
RiBg-dOvesp' squealed Horace, in
the high key usual to him when ex-
cited or veXed. 4" RiRg-dOves! Damn
the riHg-dOves and the RingY Chuck
'em out of the Window sguealed the
now irate philosopher, and went on
with his " faf knng."
AT this MOI saat OttarsOn came into
the sanctum, TS5ked at the fowls, and
remarked teat they were two very
fine specimens of the genus Larus.
"WbatP' squeaked Horace, look
ing up ; "they are not ring birds,
eh?"
"Ring-dovesl Oh, no. said Ottar-
son, laughing heartily. Horace
LOOKED at Reid, as much as to say,
what dSgQR know about birds, any
how?
care they rare?" inquired the phil
osOpher of OttarsOn, in a voice quite t
mild.
"Well, yes; they are rarely seen in
cities, and never in the country"
"Where then ? What are they?r
inquired Horace, his voice just a bit
squeaky.
"At the seaside there are thousands
of them. They are known as gulls,"
returned OttarSOn, SOberly.
"Gulls!' exclaimed Horace, in a
pretty high key 4-4Eulls! 1 paid
twelve sbillings on I'D birds
gullsp'
Somebody has gulled you, old
man." said WhitlaW, soto race.
"Gulls, that's what they Are, and
nothing else" said OttarsOn, AsF4se-
cd d-n the gulls" nOWsquealed
the philosopher at the highest Ditch
his voice was capable of readang, and
springing to his feet he seizki the lat
ticed box containing the fea-hirds,
and raising the window threw it into
street, where it went TO pieces.
The astOnished gulls rose rom the
wreck, scared quickly alOGt, md, cir
cling for a moment over the Tribune
building, struck a hee-line fol COney
Island beach, happy at their eeape,
no doubt. Horace, iamming his
hat on ting back OF his had, t.:
a bee-line, also, for Windust's,i ]
where he partOOk of some strong cOf-
fee to settle his nerves. Nobody
now of turtle or ring doves, or
gulls, in the Tribune Office when
Horace is around; when he is absent,
they fly ali about the building.