Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1870-05-05
All Surts.

body.
Adam and Eve must have had swee
time in raising Cain.
When are your eyes no eyes? Wher
the wind makes them water.
Connecting link between the anima
and the vegetable kingdom. Hash.
/ You can tell two-hoss from a one
hoss town. The former teens with more
life.
/ When a mans scountenance lights up
it is supposed to be because he has Ian
tern jaws.
Anger may glance into the breast of {
wise man, but rests only in the bosom
of fools.
The worst instance of recent ship
wreck-those who have been lost in the
cadet-ships.
Sporismeu complain that the prema
tureiy warm weather has driven the
ducks further North.
Never put flea into a gossiping per
sons ear. You do not know what a buzz
it may raisearound your own.
All young men haveinalienable right:
among which none is greater or more
sacred than the privilege to be some
body.
A Texas marriage notice closes with
the gratifying announcement that the
lady's first husband was shot forstealing
stock.
A man may be ever so poor, he may
| |. 70 nafn htlt ha
need be hard up for candles so long as he
makes light of his sufferings.
Emerson in his last lecture speaks of a
lady who told him that she felt serene
peace of mind in being well dressed,
religion could not afford.
The assertion so frequently made that
it is impossible to arrest the flight of time
is altogether erroneous, for who is there
that cannot stop minute.
Mrs. Malaprop is unable to understand
why in the House of Commons they
talk of their Eyes and Nose. She says
she was brought up to say Noses.
A Cincinnati paper advertises for"girls
for cooking" A contemporary replies: ::
"You would like them better raw, when
you get accustomed to them"
Wink at small injuries rather than
avenge them. If, to destroy asingle bee,
you throw down the hive, instead ofone
enemy you make thousand.
Keep doing, always doing, remember
ing that wishing, dreaming, intending,
murmering, talking, signing and repin-
ing are all idle and protitless employ
ments.
Mr.. Jones, having read in the pa
pers an advertisement, "House to let
everything furnished" wondered if the
owner would furnish money to pay the
rent?
people" says modern philosopher,
Ego according to their brains; if these
lie in their head they study; if in their
stomach, they eat; if in their heels they
dance"
a rude fellow once told Mr.. Barnum
he had never exhibited anything that
wasn't a barefaced humlHg. Yes |
have" said Barnuln, 1.-THE bearded lady
wasn't harefaced.
A Boston paper is ''in favor of woman
voting if they want to-" 4 Western
paper would like 10 see the man who
copld make them if they didn't want
to-"
Time is an old novelist, who takes
pleasure in pointing his tales on our
countenances. He writes the first chap
ters with a swans down, and graves the
last with steel pen.
Here is matrimonial advertisement
cut from a cotemporary: "A young lsdy
IF ri
wishes to marry gentleman ofjust the
same way of thinking"
A female lecturer sa d: "Get married,
young men, and be quick aboutit. Don't
wait for the millennium, for the girls 10
become angels. You'd loOk well beside
an angel, wouldn'tyou, you brutes?"
Wyoming nurses calm the rising gen.
Grafton by singing:
"Nice little baoy. dor t get in a fairy,
Cause mammals gone to sit on the jury"
OIL City whisky numbers twelve VIC
Tins in as malv weeks. -tisn't ais in
slant as some but it's reliable.
A st. Louis boy has won the admira-
tion of the men there by whaling three
women. A testimonial is being talked
of.
The wedding expenses of a Kentucky
youth were betrayed out of another mans
mule, and the Benedict is now in the
penitentiary.
A Michigandress was choked to death
the other day by her false teeth going
adri- t and settling in her throat.
Two Detroit brothers-in-law fought in
a street car for several blocks, the other
day, while The conductor looked on ap- |
provingly.
A young man at st. Louis nearly am
putated his head with razor, lately, as
a remedy for the jimjams. 1t was eff
fectual.
A Maine man aided his wife's house |
this week by gathering up
some odds and ends and putting them |
in the stove. Among them was can
of powder, and the house was speedily |
A Chinese cigar maker at San Fran
cisco has gone to the insane asylum
trying to keep the run of in
ternar revenue decisions regarding the
cigar stamps.
Now they've been and arrested |
young fellOW In pennsylvania just Tor
pounding his step father with stick OF
cord wood. Can't fellow have any fun
over there.
WhPt tue Census Will Include
The work of taking the Federal Cen
sus will be commenced by the first of
June. Schedules have been provided,
M which q re tn he ta ken.
First-All the dwelling houses in the
district, all the families, name o: every
age, sex, color, trale, occu-
patton, or profession of ea IN male per-
son over fifteen years, value Of real
estate owned, place of birth of each in
marriages within the preced-