The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1870-01-07

Amend1ent PROPOSED to tke Cun1fifuf3or
OF the United 6taten, bsfors tho 0sne1oru
and Representative from Georgia are ID
mitted to seat in Congress
HISCEIdANOUS ITEMS.
THE Oldest lunatic on record-Time oui
of mind.
"TKv give oysters an extra relish, eai
them 1t sonebody else's expense"
ExsaY good sct is flower which win
lbeautify our final home. M
A PRUDENT man foreseeth the evil, and
insures his life-in the WsshingtoA.
WHAT is q trout like when il Il lying
onsa gravel path! Like fish out OF
water A
WHY is the inside of everything unin-
telligible? Because we can tmake It out.
WHAT class ought meier II die of con-
sumption? Merchants with strong iron
chests. sjN.
An English Bishop onSe said, +" Our
girls are poorly educated but our boys
win never find it out"
Cool, even for the season-Asking q
friend for the loan Of hn skates, to be re-
turned in the spring. HH
WHY is man who tAs inst carried his
carpet-bag ashore from . Steamboat like
an owner of the soil! Because he is pos
sessed of landed properly
A DANCING party VA gotten up by
some Gloucester, Mas, girls the other
night, to which they Invited their gentle
men friends and then PAID the BILLS
A CLERGYMAN said IN recent sermon
that the path of rectitude had been tray
eled so little of late years that it was
completely run to gnsa
"WHAT are you ahput with my micro
scope, George." give been shaving,
father, and l want T see if there are any
hairs in the lather vt"
"THAT's prettySird, grandma" said a
little boy" Yes,Treplied the old dame,
land he never CITES" That's because
he's never washed rejoined the young
stor.
MEANS OF GRACE-aMr. Jones'" said
Mrs. j., with an air of triumph, "don't
you think marriage is means of grace p
well, yes" growled JOINS. II suppose
anything is means of grake that breaks
down pride and leads to repentance"
LIFE Assurance Compasies not only
undertake the equalization Of life, but
also the return of the sums invested with
compound interest They are capitalists
constantly looking out for long invest
ments, and well organized to deal profit
ably in securities-DR FARR. The
Washington is one of them.
A HYMN book lately publiahed by the
| Spiritualists makes an attempt to combine
an index of authors and an index of first
lines, occasionally abbreviating the latter
to save space, with some very curious re-
suits. References are given to
DO not wound the heart that loves erter SnsA v
''Have We heard ofthe b autifal-A amanda Jones -
''Oh, love the sparkling Cora DdniAs.'
I'VE come, we come from Hudson THttle"
AN editor says: cat our BARRIERS yes
terday morning there was an old chap
with head as smooth as a billiard ball
L say now, George snarled he, part my
hair evenly There isn't much left to
part said the verbose George. You have
always said that, and yet You have fin
ished by parting it somehow, and guess
you can now No use to try, sir, but I'll
tell you what I'll do; I'll make q line with
piece of red chalk"
GUILTY
II loving thee's a crime, dear maid,
Then must guilty plead;
And, as I've no defense to make,
No counsel shall need.
The charges cover many years
An old offender l.
cannot one of them disprove,
And don't intend to try.
But criminals are now, sometimes,
Ere sentence on them's passed,
Allowed to make little speech,
And this this II ina may be their hst; .
Though light my :. pay y, .ne h Soui"
My sentence is for ife-anHfes oe'
pass it, love, with thee !"
A STORY is told of Scotch dog which
whenever a penny was given him, used to
go at once to baker with the coin in his
mouth, when, on dropping it, the baker
would give him penny roll On one &C.
casion the baker cheated him, taking his
penny but only giving him a half penny
ROLAND then the dog went and fetched
a policeman Another case of canine in
stinct may be given A lady in London
had favorite poodle, which carried her
letters from postman to couch in. the
lady's parlor. On one occasion the lady,
to her establishment, observed the favOrite
| dog putting the only letter II carried into
the Gre, instead of putting it on the couch.
| Amazed, she rushed forward and rescued
the letter, although nearly half burned
and, 10 and behold, it was dog tax seized.
ule!
An individual who wished Chief Baror
Pollock, of the British Court of Elk
chequer, to resign his seat on the bench
| limited TO him that such q step nigh
greatly prolong his valued life. The OLE
Judge arose and said, with great gravity
"Will you dance with me" The CUES
stood aghast as the Lord Chief Baron
who prided himself particularly upon hi
legs, began TO czper about with youthful
vivacity. Seeing his visitor standing sur
prised, he capered up TO him and said
well, If you won't dance with me, vii
you box With me?" and with that b
squared up to him, and, half in jest, hal
in earnest, fairly boxed him out of tn
room. The old Chief Baron had no NOR
visitors anxiously inquiring after hi
health, and suggesting his retirement.
THE Birmingham (England) Post give
some curious figures, showing that tn
worse people are clothed the more the
drink; or, it may be, that the more the
drink the worse they are clothed. |
1860, the home consumption of cotton
Great Britain was, in round number
213. 900, 900 pounds In 1868, it was 10
tDO,VUO DOuuQc. AAict soy sAAO VIM
shows that the richest nation in the worl
is in rags, and the reason is, that the
drink what they should wear. In 1855
they spent e79, 541, 300 on alcohol
liquors in 1868, this amount had increase
to e102, 1896, 28a The increase of drink
about 90 per cent. the decrease of cotto
for home consumption, IS per cent. Al
other fact equally significant is give
When immense quantities of grain Al
imported, and the poor in many place
are wanting food, the brewers and dist
lers are busy in making large fortune
In the Caledonian Distillery, at Edinburg
for example, 10000 gallons of spirits Al
manufactured weekly, or 100000 p,
annum. The quantity of grain destroye
is 100000 bushels, and all the work is do1
by $50 men.
A Real Estate Incident.
We must relate here real estate jol
on Kansas City, related to us on q trai
r. 81