The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1870-07-22
.Glreqatelliqereer.
AcoLumN OF NONSENSE.

Tho first Eve!angellcAl alliance
Adams marriage in Eden. "'''' :" ~
An indolent fellow declares he pre-
fcrs rolls In bed TO rolls ut breakfast i,
Why arc types like criminaIsr Be
cause It amt proper to lock them up
without proof
"A young lady in the rural districts
likes Mf. ChromO'S picture about as well
as anybody's.
IA Cincinnati paper says Louisville
has run down, and Louisville journal
replies that Cincinnati hasgone up.
is it fact that statue diminishes in
size when exposed to shower Of rain
Yes, it instantly becomes a statle-wet.
"A man in LynchburgpaIll., had his
skull fractured by brick In q fight, which
a reporter styles ~ controversy with q
friend"
"A very domestic and devoted wife
says she cares more for her eccentric hus-
bands income than she does forhis out 90.
"A whole village in Missouri has been
destroyed by fire, except eighteen houses.
There were nineteen houses previous to
The conaagratiQn. .I.l..a.. BAD. d.
"A certain lanll9dy, II Is said, makes
her pics so light that her dodgers can sec
To 70 To bed without candle after eating
a'modrrate sized piece. '''"., ,..,,,.. a.
h . Counsel occasionally are q little unin.
telligible. We remember once hearing
one ask. "Mr. Witness, where was you
when you see that whistle soundp 49, -
ga man Is said to be absent.lntndcd
when he thinks he has left his watch at
home, and takes it out OF his pocket to sec
fine has got time to return home togctlt
z-TAe Rocky Mountain NeWs tells Of an
enthusiastic young Mlssourian, who, eulo.
giving the beauty Of his gal" said: an
be d0ggoned II she amt asprctty asa rcd
wagon ad,-
l,-Wanted-A pupil from the school Of
reform; hair from the head OF an Old
cane; d few tears that man shed when
he cried fire; the chair the sun sets In;
the bed the moon rises from. nnr
The following notice appeared upon
the west end OF u country meeting. house I:
! Anybody sticking bills against this
church will be prosecuted according to
law, or any other nuisance"
Miss Brown, havc been to learn how
to tell fortunes" said young fellow to a
brisk brunette; "just give me your hand,
II you please" "Lal Mr.. White, how
sudden you are! Well, so ask Pa"
I'm Nevada contemplative Digger
Indian sat watching n purity OF baseball
players, who seemed to him to be work
Ing very lard. Turning to one of them,
he asked: allow much you get one dhyr
r-"No, dear" said mendaciois hus-
band to his wife, you never catch any
lies coming out Of my mouth." You
may well say tIlNt,m replied the wife
"they fly out so Inst that nobody cam catch
EN-" - ~ '...'' 90, nd x
III never. shot q bird in my life," said
friend 10 an Irishman; who replied, Il
never shot anything in the shape Of q bird
but u squirrel, which l killed with a stone,
when Il fell into the river and was drown
ed" '...,...,p.,. ..a..u.a. ~.
The Buffalo Express lately contained
the following: "Ac80c0arS0 ? The next
day it explained it thus: ITS easy-A
c!eighty (cat) caught (Caught) a r'eighty
(ratS IA cat caught ratI Amt itf' .
"A countryman who attended a race
said ho didn't see why the sportsmen
should DO so particular to quarter Of a
second about the end Of race, when they
kept the public waiting half IN hour TOR
the beginning. '''t.."' ."'.'" ...t ~
"A photographer in one Of the country
towns in Massachusetts was recently Wis
tied by young woman, who, with q
sweet simplicity asked, " How long does
It take to get your photograph after you
have left your measure :" .u'
=" have just met your old acquaint-
ance, Daley" said an 1rishman to his
friend, land was sorry to zee le was
almost sllrunk away to nothing. You are
thin and am thin, but he is thinner than
both Of us put together" Il .s .l,r
The biography Of u Western Senator
closes in the followingstyle: " lilo cannot
propel himself through the muddy pool
Of politics at u higher ntc Of speed than
that OF II rudderless pollywOg through 4
kel'lG o. cola musn. ,,, .,,,,,,
SOCIAL AoNEsTY.-"Alrs, jones'" WHY
haven't you been around to see peE
Mis-. SmitlG"l'really l9ngSd TO- bntwa "A ss,
My 1 mnycn q, wv NJ, HI ,oS ~ ,iI;,IHo1
1 MIS- pss MoGIu %
Out -n"I'l sIl'''c ''S"r"''S'y ,.
"A certain man, on being, told w. q
generous farmer that le wonld give nun
u barrel Of cider, asked linn IT nc would
bring IT to his house" Certainty re- ;,
piled thetnrmer, with pleasure. well"
said tue grateful recipient "wllatW!lI yon
pay me for the barrel when tue cluer Is
gone ,Ils ro.. m, H y,
IA witness IN u divorce suit kSRt
saying tllat t4e wife had 9 retalatlng dts.
position she "retallated tnr every