The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-02-27
rning Star and Catholic Messenger.
bGwORLEANS. SUNDAY. FEBRUARY "a, isiu.
WIT AND WIsD0N.


GwORLKANs. SUNDAY. FEBRUARY "a. ia;
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WIT AND WBDoN.
s.8as3 ss --- & Zf5ss
Centenarian-A fellow who has "nary a
Nent.n ~ : :
Josh Billings says that Goldfish are better
nan umbrellas to keep you dry.
Why are old maids the most charming OF
{fpeopleI Because they are matchless.
IL Western girl likes to make bread, be-
cause 1t cleans her hands 30 beautifully.
A Boston cobbler announces for sale a
slipper for the foot of Mount Washington.
If the ant gives an example of industry,
1T Is much more than good many uncles
do.
1t is stated as a singular fact that the
smaller ladies' bonnets grow the more they
cost.
What class ought never to die with con-
y sumption Merchants with strong iron
chests.
"Geatly the dews are DER me stealing"
as the man said when he had five due bills
presented to him at one time.
The story of the man who had a nose so
large that he couldn't blow it without the
use Of gunpOwder is said to be hoax.
Nasty tells of a "burglar whose bur
glary was complicated with shooting the
individual whose house was burglared."
tAwag recently appended to the list of
market regulations of Cincinnati, No
whistling allowed near the sausage stalls"
Excuse me sir" said beggar, but
You have given mo counterfeit" "Well,
well, my child, keep it for your honesty"
A bricklayer, who had fallen into tub
of mortar, was asked If he was hurt much,
replied, No, but l am suffering mortar
DOM"
A bankrupt was condoled with the other
day for his embarrassments. (" Oh !" said
he y am not embarrassed at all i; it is my
cfeditors."
&c Isn't your bill awfully steep 2" inquired
a spendthrift of his tailor. "You ought to
know best, for it was run up by you," was
thf cool reply.
y What the old mountaineer says of the
& grizzly bear: " 1t is fine thing to hunt
thu grizzly but when he gets to hunting
yok it's different"
Anew York peanut vendor declares that
"vfy few people eats more than pint
da3" and it is therefore supposed that q
cri is is approaching.
LII >things from above are not bless-
ing$ as the parsOn said when n brick from
q ckmney-tOp fell upon his tile and smash
ed into cocked-ha
AFrcnehman, boasting of the inventive
geI&as of his country, said, eve invented
lacd RIFLES" "Ay,'' SAID a John Bull, "and
we hdded shirts to them"
Leave you, my friend" said Il tipsy
fellow, clinging to a lamp post on dark
night; "leave you in a condition not to
take care of yourself (hicD never"
A sailor explains the distribution of prize
money to be AS follows: "I5 is sifted
through ladder. What falls through goes
to the officers; what sticks the sailors get"
A lady leaving home was thus addressed
Inv h<n,. sftlx how
member and buy me whistle, and let it
be a religious one, SO that l can use it on
Sundays"
"Bridget, wish you would step over
and see how old Mrs. Jones is this morn
ing" Bridget returned in a few minutes
with the information that Mrs. Jones was
seventy two years old. !
The Jealous man is always hunting for
something he Doesn't expect to find, and
after he has found it, he is mad because he
has. He is always happy just in proper
ton as he is miserable.
matrimonial advertisement in Paris
paper reads ga single gentleman, Protest
ant, and possessed of rentes, wishes to
marry Protestant lady, very distinguished,
and possessed of more rentes."
A gentleman mentioned to n witty friend I
that he had been caught in the rain, and
was wet through. "Were you really wet
through" said the wit. 81 was never wet
through in my life-never further than my
skim"
"Great heavens !" exclaimed bar-room
bully of Denver City, who shot stranger
for declining to take a drink with him,
4" Great heavens am ] never to come to
5Denver without being obliged to kill some
bodyw
n A negro clergyman addressed his con-
8xregation thus Beloved bredren and sis
<ers, you dunno how to tell de sheep from
De goats Berry well, I shall ask you which
$b dem hab de wool and and which OBJ dem
bah de hairf
e An English bishop ENORMOUSLY remarked
10 his servant that he was dying. Well,
my lord" said the good fellow, you are
going to a better place" "John," replied
She bishop with an air of conviction, "there
lis no place like Old England"
A distinguished civilian was one day ex-
planning to his son, who was quite boy,
the outlines. of Italy, and remarked, as
usual, that they resembed in form mans
boot "Well," said the little fellow, -" if 1
live to be a man I'll put my foot in it."
al suppose" said quack, while feeling
the pulse of a patient who had reluctantly
submitted to solicit his advice, " suppose
you think me bit of humb Z" Sir,n
gravely replied the sick man, " was not
aware that You could discover q mans
thoughts by feeling his pulse"
A keen politician in the city of Glasgow
heard one day of the death of.aparty OPP
n L