The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-28
TERMS OF ADVERTISING.
Transient advertisements. SO Gents p,
square for each insertion. The space Of eigh
mes in this type, eonstisutes square
STANDING ADVERTISEMENTS.
THE HUMORISTS' COLUMN
4 little nonsense now and then,
Is relished by the wiscst men,
A Dead IL sss~aas

+
A Bead ssss>aGsF
The following is from a sermon tp
the death Of a young man of indfieren'
position in the social circles of Il
New Hampshire, who came to an early
dseease by vigorous but absurdly un-
equal contest with party of the Dtard
family
"l hev been requested not to say im-
pertuned toe deliver funeral discourse
on Ftlis occasion, and [ hev reluctantly
consented to do so never heerd any
good of the deceased git; and if the
TRENDS hev made up their minds that
am about to begin sech course now
they are very much mistaken. | esti-
| mate i'll fact, that this young mar now
a-layin' before you was about the ssasf
man ever permitted, in the unserasable
ways of divine peppuses, toe Ioeate in
! this vicinity. He was one who / might
say alters fell when he was tempted
and he certainly appeared toe me toe
! Seek rather than to avoid. occasions for
| sech temptation.
Why, my fellow Christians, he kept
hossss and run 'em he kep' cocks and fit
en : and as toe wimneB, let his widder
(Sho ! see settin' in a front peWl tes-
tify." (Here, the family arose, as was
the custom when the family Of the de-
ceased was alluded to, and, aeernine it a
complimentary remark, courtesied to the
preaeher.1 In short, after n diligent
inquiry intoe the perticklers of his ker-
rikter and conduct while he has resided
in this village, hev com toe he con
cluslon that about the only good thing
that kin be said of him at al IS that he
was az active member of the engine
company, and occasionally good at fires
The pall-bearers will now proceed
to bear out the copse, while the choir
will sing, as an appropriate hymn, ID
book shmtsmetIe, tonr verses, orai5ting,
If youplease, the third and fifth stanza
g Believing, We rejoice,
- To see the cuss removed"
with the appropriate Doxology<'''
A WARNING TO HussANDs-A lady
in the Revolution, tsister Anthony's pa
per} writes as follows "Ths great
want Of women at present is money
money for their personal wants, and mon
ey to carry out their plans. / propose
that they shall earn it, that they shall
consider it as honorable to work for mon
ey as for board, and | demand for them
equal pay for equal work. ] demand
that the bearing and rearing Of children,
the most exacting of employments. ard
involving the most terrible of risks,
shall be the best paid work in the world,
and that husbands shall treat wives with
at least as much consideration and &C.
Hnowled ge them entitled to as much mon
ey as wet nurses" The meaning OF this
is, that wives are about to strike for
greenbacks, SO much for every baby
born. No greenbacks, no more. popula-
ton, no more boys to carry forward the
great enterprises of the age. The scale
of prices for maternal duties is given as
follows. s
Girl babies 100
Boy do, .%. 200
win dO,- 800
Twins both boys,). ......... 900
Triplets {all boys,) 1000
Term G. Q. D. No credit beyond
first child, the motive, being, Pay up
or dry up" Husbands who desire to
transmit their names 10 posterity will
please notice and take new departure.
Courier.
Mr.. Mark Twain has had his fortune
told. He remembers as much as fol.
lows
Z" Yours was not, ia the beginning N
criminal nature. but circumstances
changed it, At the age of nius you
stole sugar; at fifteen you stole money;
at twenty you stole horses at twenty
five you committed arson; at thirty
hardened in crine--you became an
editor. Since then your descent has
been rapid. You are now public lee
turer. Worse things ars in store for
you-you will be sent to Congress
next is the penitentiary anl then, f.
nallv, happiness win come to you again
all will be well-you will be hanged"
s @---------&- -&-s-s-----.----- 4s ss&
A good annecdote is told,of a house.
painter son, who used the brush dog.
terously, but unfortunately had acquired
the habit of" putting it on little too
thick" The other day his father, after
having frequently scolded him for his
lavish daubing, and all to no purpose,
gave him a severe fagellation.
There. you young raslal," said he af-
ter performing the painful duty, g how
do you like that ~ Well, don't
know, dad" whined the boy in reply,
"but it seems to me you put it on
darn'd sight thicker than I did,
We know minister who was gener.
ally able to keep his congregation wide.
awake, but who. on one oecasion---jt
was a sultry summer day--obssryed
numbers Of them asleep. He resolved
10 nip the evil practice in the bud So
taking good survey Of the scene be.
fore and around him, he exclaimed, 81
saw an advertisement last week for five
hundred sleepers for i railroad. / thipk
could supply it at least fifty, and rec-
ommeni them as good and SQUAD It
is perhaps needless to add, that the sup
ply instantly vanished.
-
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ing 1udierous sentence is the result of
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