Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1870-11-26
EVENING STAR.
nARK TWAIN's WATCH.
An Instructive Listle Tale.

MARK TWAIN'S WATCH.
An Instructive Listle Tale.
From he December Gslaxy1
My beautiful new watch had run eign,een
months without losing or gaining, and without
breaking any part of its machinery or stopping.
had come TO believe IL infallible in its judg-
soustitution and il anatomy imperishable But
NJ last. one night, let 10 run down. Il grieved
about II As IL itwere recognized messenger and
toreIunner OF calamity. But by and by l cheered
mp. set the watch by guess, and commanded nv
bodings and superstitioBs TO depart. Next dsy
stepped into the chief jewelers. to set it by the
enact tine, and the head Of the establishment
took it out Of my hand and proceeded TO set il
toT me- Then he said, d" She is four minutes
allow; regulator wants pushing up" I tried
s,. sop nimatried to make HIM under
But no; all this human cabbage could see was
MAT the watch was four minutes slow, and the
regulator mast be pushed up . little; and 50,
While danced around him in anguish and be-
reeehed him TO let the watch alone, he calmly
and cruelty did the shameful deed. MY watch
ths Seea selened 10 aa
fever, and its pulse went up TO hundred and
nfty in the shade. At the end of two months il
rear, and was a traction Of thirteen days ahead
Of the almanac. IL was away into November,
enjoying the snow, while the October leaves
bills payable, and such things, in such a ruin,
Gus way that could not abide it / took II TO
Abe Matchmaker to be regulated. He asked
I said no, it had never needed any repairing.
He looked look Of vicious happiness. and
eagerly pried the watch open, then pat a small
shinery. He said it wanted cleaning and oiling,
besides regulating-coms in a week. After
being cleaned and oiled and regulated, my
esed SsS that S sssIss to tsst LETT
by trains; i failed all appointments; got TO
missing my dinner; my watch strung out three
days grace TO four, and left me to 20 to protest;
il UraduAllV int han,
day before, then into last week, and By and by
the comprehension came upon me that all sol
nary and alone was lingering along in week
before last, and the world was out of sight. 1
seemed to detect in myself q sort Of sneAking
Fellow Keeling for the mummy in the mu-
scum, and desire to swap news with
him. Il went TO q matchmaker again. He
took the watch al TO pieces while 4 waited.
and then said the barrel was sweliedD
ne said he COULD reduce it in three days.
Affer TINS, the watch drsrG9ed we'll. bat nothing
more. For half day il would 90 like very mis-
shief, and keep up such a barking and wheez-
, ing ana wn9opng ana sneerng and snorting,
tnrbance; and as long as 10 held out, there was
not q watch in the land that stood any chance
against II. But the rest of the day IL would
Keep ON slowing down and fooling along until
ali The clocks IL had left behind caught up again.
So at last, at the end of twenty-four hours, Il
would not up TO the judges all right and just on
time. 10 would show a fair and square average
and no man could say that it done more or less
tnan Its duty. But q correct average Is only a
mild virtue in a watch, and took this instru-
Dent TO another matchmaker. He said the king
bolt was broken. said was glad 1t was moth
ING more serious. 10 tell the plain truth I
had no idea what the kingboit was. but
He repaired the kingbolt, but what the watch
gained in one way IL lost in another IL vould
run awhile and then stop awhile. and then run
awhile again, and 30 on, using its own discre-
ton about the intervals. And every time IL went
on II kicked back like musket. / padded INV
breast for few days, but finally took the watch
IN ahrna EAr IL .Ll
pieces and turned the ruin over and over under
his glass; and then he said there appeared TO be
somethiDg the matter with the hair-trigger.
He fixed IT, and gave II fresh start. 1t did we'll
Cow. except that always at ten minutes 10 ten
the hands would shut together like q pair OF
scissors, and from that time forth they would
Oavel together. The oldest man in the world
could not make head or tail of the time of
day by such a watch, and 40 i went again 10
nave the thing repaired. This person said
handspring was not straight. He also remarked
that part Of the works needed half-solino
He made these things all right, and then nv
uns-pleee performed unexceptionably, save
for nearly eight hours, everything inside would
let to all OF a sudden and begin to buzz like a
pee, aDo tne hsnds would straightway begin to
sPln round and round so fast that their iniiyid-
uAlity was lost completely, and they simply
seemed a delicate spiders web over the face OF
the watch. She would reel of the next twenty
HOUR hours In six or seven minutes, and then
stop with bang. L went with heavy heart TO
one more matchmaker, and looked ON while he
TOOK her TO pieces. Then prepared to cross
question him rigidly. for this thing vas getting
serious The watch had cost two hundred dol.
lars originally, and seemed TO have paid out
two or three thousand for repairs. While I
waited and looked on, presently recognized in
TINS matchmaker en- old acquaintance-as steam.
boat engineer of other days, and not a oood
engineer either. He examined all the parts
carefully, and then delivered his verdict with
the same confidence Of manner.
He said:
"She makes too much steam-you want to
hang the monkey wrench on the safety yaIye,v
Iorainedhim on the spot, and had him buried
Al my own expense.
My uncle William NOW deceased, alas y used
70 say that horse was good horse until il had
run away once, and that q good watch was a
5000 watch until the repairers got a chance at
II And he used 70 wonder what became OF ALI
the unsuccessful thinkers, and gunsmths and
snoemakers, and blacksmiths; but nobody could
ever tell him. MARK TWAIN.