The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1870-05-26

pefahce, than his brother Daniel. stayed there
Three weeks in scenes which would bafne descrip.
nod oiten IN daiIy nightly fear ofny life from
thls madnian, all Of whose family held him in
most supreme fear 'st -
/ While here, In the Winter of 1866, fiad met
MIS-; u. % Calhoun, and during this Summer at
Shelburne had eorrespOnded with her. have
been most fortunate IA my friendships, but /
never kneW any woman more loyal 10 Affection
more oYerfiowing with TENDERNESS, more ready
with helpful sympathy than she Nv whole ma
teTe, usually Feticent went out 70 her In conf
deilce and friendship and had written from the
MOanudns asking her aid IN getting an engage
ment for the stage. She had succeeded in ar
ranging an engagement at Winter Garden, the
theater which Mr.. Edwin Booth controlled, and
place which We both considered particularly
fortunate for q lady to be connected with, on ac-
count Of Mr. BOoti's position as a gentleman In
private life, aA well as hlseminence in his profcs
sion. -' h.- .lI
This Fail of 1866 while at Newark, ! saw the
! manager Of Winter Garden, and my engagement
was made certain at a salary CT S2O per week. /
| wrote this to Mr.. Mcfarland, whostill remained
| behind in Massachusetts and New Hampshire,
and also wrote to him that L could not and
shoHld not stay longer at his brothers. He came
down TO New York shortly after this, borrowing
money in small sums from my father to pay his
expenses back, and took me from his bfother's
and TO a wretehed clearinghouse In AInity-st.
| near SiXth-ave. Here he borrowed some money
Of Mr.. Slhclair and gave me s3j, which Is the
! last money ever received from him. This was
In October, 1865. He left me at this house, ln-
! forming me that he should pTObablynot be back
very much Of the time during this Winter rs
! Then WIZ sO-YFofn ont by the anxieties and
| the terrible wee9tsI had spent at Newark that
! ] broke down and was III at this strange hoard
| lng-house, alone with my two babies While
! here, Mrs Calhoun called and found INC IN this
/ condition, and, going home she wrote A note in
which she told me, I'm the most delicate man
I ncr, that wlieneverI wanted money Her purse
/ was at my service. The same day Mrs. Sinclair
| called, and shocked at the wretchCd and desc
| late condition In Which she saw me, took me and
both my ehndfen to her house. As soon as
was there and had begun 10 recover, Mr. McFar-
! iaand came back and made his preparations 10
come there also. rs gently as could Itold him
Mr.. Snclail's house was oVer-fuIl, and iffe were
coming back to town must get place some
where ioFali Of as. II was then about two weeks
| befOfe my engagement began at Winter Garden.
Mr. Mcfarland instructed me that might get
board for yself and the children but only oeca-
siona board for hifnself, az he should.be absent
about The gas business most Of the time. | then
| engaged board In MacdOdgal-st., in a very re-
| spectacle house, where had a small attic room
| forall my family. As soon as ] got here my
! bealthagain give way, and was iii in bed nearly
| two weeks. 1t was only by sheer force of will
| that gotup and dragged myself TO the theateT
| to begin my engagement. During these two
| weeks illness, Mrs. Sinclair and Mrs Calhoun
visited and Hfinistered to me. Both Of them sent
| me nourisTiug food from their own table, by
their own servants. They sent me money, and
! gave me the l0vingest sympathy that woman
| ever gave woman. had already got an engage
mcnt TO write for The Riverside M0gdztne, and
| one day during this illness, when Mrs. Calhoun
| found me sitting up in bed weak and exhaust
cd, finishing ehild's story, with my two noisy
| little children playing at my bedside, she took
| i away, and interested the managing editor Of
! The Independent in my work, so that he sent me
word he would take some Of my stories for his
! paper. H a3Eaa.#. ~ 1854 ...'" ..r..
As soon as went on the stage (this was the
2Sth Of November, 1866 I told the woman in
whose house had been boarding about three
weeks, OF my new profession. She Immediately
told ne that she could not possibly have an ac-
tress IN her house, and must get new place as
soon as convenient. As quickly as could /
found new place at NO.SG Amity-st. went TO
No. SO Amity-st. about the 18th griffith Of Decem-
Der, 1866. On THE Goth Of December1 ] had an en-
gagement TO read at Salem, Mass, before the Ly-
ceum Lecture Course. My mother had written
us that II would bring ON one of the children
She would take him and take care Of him for an
indefinite period, because she feared had too
much to do with the two children and all my
other duties. So l concluded to take the young
est child Danny TO my own home pn,this journey
to Salem. played mt the theateT the night be-
fore starting for Massachusetts, and was obliged
to sit up nearly all nighttoget myself and child
land came home in state of beastfy int0Xica-
ton He was past talking then, but toward day
light, while was getting ready, 10 take the
morning train for Boston, 1roused him, and told
him had been Intending TO take Danny home,
but now / thought would take both the child
ren and leave them with mother till could do
something better, and come back aud separate
myself from him entirely, that lcould not pos
sibly work as l was doing and bear his habits
any longer. On this he professed great penitencei
| begged me to try him oncemore. Said he would
do better If would give him this one trial, &c,,
| &c. l did not believe him, but hardly knew
! what to do, and finally, went off with Danny to
! my mothers. This was the morning Ofthe 10Th.
| Read in Salem the 10th, returning to New-Yor
! the DIST, and going TO the theater the same eve
| ming. AT New Years time 1 fOoliShly allowed
! Mcfarland TO draw two weeks salary from the
| theater, which had been lying over because the
money / had earned at Salem paid the necessary
bOard-bil, and he went again and got drunk,
and remained so for two or three days. At this
time made up my mind to do something. On
the afternoon of January I'd wrote a long letter
to Mrs. Calhoun, TO whom, in all of my ac-
quaintance, had never spoken of Mcfarland,
except incidentally, telling her some of my
troubles. ~ IN nv
In fIis letter which IL cost me terrible pain and
humiliation to write, because my habits of con-
cealment were so natural and difficult to over
come, glozed over some of the worst facts.
concealed the fact of his hopeless intempeTance,
and tried, with all the humanity and Justice
| which was in my nature, TO speak most gently
and mpaItially of this unfortunate man, The
following is the exact tcopy ofthe first confidence
| ever made to this loyal friend of my anxieties
'''' = '''1 ... s,..t JAN. q 1867.
| self with the intention of writing you loug
! long letter; of telling yon some things which |
| have never before told any one; but which, kept
secret and brooded over, seem to eat out my
! heart and consume my life every day.. was
miserably unhappy yesterday, all the latter part
! of the day. Yesterday morning, after had got
| all ready to go to Mrs Sinclairs, after 1 had
| kissed Percy "Good BY" and had my parcels in
my arms ready to take them over, some little
| impatient words said irrltated Mr.. Mcfarland,
who Is very sensitive and quick-tempered.- 1t
arose from my asking him to help me carry some
| OF my bundles, and his resentng it, and our
both getting bit angry. did not say half .ls IS
| husbands without its being remembered on
| either side. Z should not have remembered il
| one Instant but he docs, and went away with-
| OFT smoothing out the snarl, 1t was perhaps
| littleperverse, but got so Tired of constantly
| smoothing and eoaxing. but all day was tftsT-
| vous, when he did not call with Percy ashe had
! prdTnigpd and / ions I pOuld
| get away in the evening without showing how
| uneasy was, so stayed When l got home, l
| found Percy in bed hugging up n book with
| which he had got himself asleep-alone. After
an hour or two of agonizitg waiting, Waiting
listening for footsteps, and dreadinB hear them
| (which are only n few of the hundreds of hours
have spent so-he CAME in, two-t hiItls intoxi-
Gated and very m0rose. 4 asked him why he
could 50 spoil my day, and cause me so much
| tmhappineSS andhe answered that ~ had treat
ed him outrageously, and ho Should spend the
| NeW-Y ears as he cllOSe." o. f.- .4-.t-'a 8
Two weeks ago, the morning oftho Tuesday be-
| fore went TO Salem to read, you Temenlber-I
| got utterly discouraged, and | said something,
| not rCproachful, to Mr. Mcfarland about my
| feelings One cannot always keep up, youknow
| TherO was no unkindness between us, only when
| sink little in hope he sinks in despair. That
! night ne did not come home to dinner, and was
| Obliged TO leave my babies when ] went TO the
theater, awake and alone. All the evening /
was burning with anxiety to get home. He did
| not come fohme, and went home alone after l
| got through the play. found him in beastly
| Slumber from which could not arouse him he
| had been drinking all day. was to start that
next morning for Massachusetts,, and 1t made me
almost crnzy! Next morning he was in sack
| cloth and ashes for his conduct He wept and
| begged me TO forgive him-not TO tell my father
| and mother, and swore he would yindicatc him.
| self before ME by Indifferent life this year. p
| Dear, try to write these things coldly and me-
chanically. IfOdnt to do so, so not to be un-
| just, but must write you feel | must let you
! know something of my inner life, and of the
| struggles that no one can see, or j shall die.
! You know, my darling, when l was married /
had unf rnurh ax xDarianpe of life or Judgment of