The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1870-06-16
GALES, gketebes, 9natNotrs, &t.
AT A CHARITY FAIR.
Tribu1otions of a modest Married Man.


The ladies of our church held a fair
last week TO raise funds to send mission
aries and schoolmasters TO the savages in
England, and as had never attended one
before, l had my wife darn rent in the
back OF my vest, and polish all the brass
buttons that were left on the coat | wore
at our marriage, and borrowing what little
change she had, l went. l paid dime
at the door, and thought the fair was very
cheap. / went in, and found the room
was very full and noisy, and was quite
taken aback by the extraordinary civiIity
with which two young ladies welcomed
me at tie door; but thinking that they
could tell genius on sight, felt quite fiat~
tered, when one of them asked me if l
wouldn't take a chance in rattle for a
tooth pick. l asked her what the tooth
pick was valued at she said twenty five
cents. l told her TO put my name down
for one she did so, and said the chances
were fifty cents each. | paid it, and
thought, somehow, that in running a
chance to get a tooth-pick, l had got my
pocket picked, and just as turned round
L was grabbed by poor young woman
who hadn't clothes enough to cover her
shoulders, and who wanted me to take
chance at a sett of toilet-service. / tried
TO beg off, but she held on, and a good
many people were locking at me at the
time, / was compelled TO take a chance,
and pay one dollar. | afterward learned
the toilet-piece was piece of soap. Then
| thought ifI could get III the thickest
part of the crowd, | would he free for
while. | got in the jam, and had seven
teen females poke their books and pencils
in my face at once and then as l stood
fair chance of being killed, L thought [
would take tier chances, which were not
so sure, and subscribed my name on each
book. But, as l didn't draw anything,
never knew what put my name down
for. In fact, | found out afterward, that
about the only article l had drawn was
my pocket-book, and that a good many
times.
l noticed one fellow who made it a
practice TO tell each fair in sister that he
had been putting his name downt to all Of
them and he thereby managed to get off
he entered, and heard him tell the same
thing to the first lady who petitioned him,
and regretted that | had not commenced
with similar policy. Still, l admit the
ladies have a great influence over me my
wife's a woman, and that influence began
at home. l was prevailed on TO take a
chance at set of bedroom furniture, and
drew a blank or blanket, don't know
which, as never got either.
| paid dollar toward a watch, which
was TO be presented to the most respected
man on The floor, and then took a chance
| on a chain, thinking the watch would do
me no good without that; but there was
a fearful oversight somewhere, for l got
neither watch or chain. / was asked to
take a. chance at sack of flour by a
very homely old maid. In pity for her
paid for ticket, and, strange to say, got
the -four, which / put on my shoulder to
carry out, and find some way to send it
home; but the fellow who helped it on
| my shoulder-the rascal !-punched hole
in the sack. and every step took that in
| fernal flour puffed out all over the back of
my coat, and created a great uproar,
which joined in myself, knowing nothing
about it. My wife took pretty much all
that flour out of my coat, when got home
that night, with the reverse end of the
broom. At the postofice, in another part
of the hall, paid dime. and asked if
there was letter for me- The lass who
ran that letter shop smiled as she handed
me dainty envelope, which l took over
in one corner by myself and opened
Here is the letter:
"Dear sweetness. oh you essence of peaches
| and cream-dOuble refiEed extract of maple
molasses and buckwheat cakes Your noble
| voice is like honey in my ears, and yoCr fond
kiss would be like thet aforesaid molasses al!
over my face. Your eyes are as bright as