Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1870-08-23
L2I7ach for HaS7,ao3.ists.

Lu7sch for HsSnaoTssts.
When patient begins to feed more, the doc
tor is feed less.
Some one very atrocionsy says that the Ger !
mans are at lager heads with the French,
This is the last rose of summer
of Amgnst w" ID the 3lst day
tbat tbey orc iar. 100 many of our public men
in the noct~ -st in war. last in peace, but first
let's of their countrymen.
:. you ever know young lady too weak to
stand up during psalm time In church, who
couldn't dance all night without being tired?
A classic Southern editor says that if the
Maids we're constantly bathing, he presumes
that the Dryaids were the ones who brought
them their towels.
They had to appoint new census taker In a
Buffalo district, because the old one spit tobac-
co juice on red-headed woman's carpet. He
was carried home on dray.
Plain hanging is playing out with those Yves
tern reporters. They tell Of mans spirit
being choked out of his mortal casket at the
end of the hangman's lariat.
''NIy son." said tutor of doubtful morality.
shoulder, Il believe old Satan has got hold of
you. Il believe so, too" vas the reply.
A correspondent at one of the summer re-
board by putting the board into the bed and
he believes it the hardest board that grows
The last mineral spring" has been discov-
cred in Nevada. which throws up pure chicken
soup. IF the soup is not better than some
hoo linz ~ p
for throwing it up
A man passed through Council Bluffs, on his
return to Missouri after having tried to live in
Minnesota, Don t like to live up thar" said
he. Have nine months of winter, and the
rest of the time it's id late In the fall"
Mr. Shafer of Prairie Roude, says he got
up a scaFe-orow last year, which not only drove
all the crows out of his township, but so affect
ed one very old crow that he came back and
threw up all the corn he had eaten that morn
ing.
A MODERN MIRAeLE.-A physician, who
is something Of a wag, called on colored Bap-
fist minister, and propounded few puzzling
questions Why is it. y said he, ''that you
are not able to do the miracles that the apos-
ties did? They were protected against poisons
and all kinds of perils; how is it that you are
not protected in the same way2" The colored
brother responded promptly: Don't know
about that, doctor. | spect | is. I have took
en- mighty sight of strong medicines from you,
doctor, and is alive yet
HIGHFALUTIN.- country girl once went to
the CRY to pay 7lslt to one of her old and
best friends. This friend was married to rich
city merchant, and was leader of fashion. In
city etiquette, OF course, the visitor was YER
dant, aud made numerous mistakes Her
friend wished to initiate her fully into the 'mys
teries, and as they we're going to large ball.
gave her the following Instructions, viz Eat
one small cake and one saucer Of ice cream.
and wEen your attendant presses you to take
more, answer that you have masticated suf11-
cheney. and more would be a superAuitl. -
Things went on smoothly until her attendant
asked her to nartake Of more refreshments.
when to the horror Of her friend and amuse
ment of the company, she answered in loud
voice. i have evaporated insufficientIy; any
more would go lippity-foppity.'
--e-
A BIG CANNoN.-A smart Yankee was one
evening seated in bar-room of country tav1
ern In Canada, whiting with iack-knife -
Ihere were assembled several Englishmep. dis
cusslng Various matters connected with the
pomp and circumstance of war In the course
OF his remarks, one Of them stated that the
british government possessed the largest can
non In the world, and gave the dimensions Of
one ne had seen. The Yankee would not let
such a base assertion pass uncontradicted =
Pom gentlemen" said he; II wont danv
that II Is fair sized cannon; but You a,e a leeflo
mistaken IN supposlng 1t is to be named the
same minute with one of our Yankee pnnS
which saw 10 Charleston last year. WIN civ
It was SO large that the soldiers were Obliged 70
employ yoke OF oxen to draw in the ball %
anI pray, exclaimed one of his hearers with
smile OF triumph, can you tell us how thew
got the oxen out again ?'' ''Of course con nGy !,
returned the Yankee; 'they unvoked ,a, o" a,a
drove EN- through the touch-hoieI'' ~ a'iu
---t-
.AUooD Recommendation patant mod
tcne veneer 10 one of our principal c;t;as rO
eella.lng TO large crowd upon the wonJerf,
ncacy OF ms IRON bItters pronouncinr fban' ~
iron constitution " 0uiiolng up an
That is so-that is So" said
w nat he tells you is fact, Reimbursement ,s.aaaer,
Hear that, will you?" cried tho ,.r
quack mere Is living testimony r;oht 5 suseo
your Own eyes-a man who has used A. ooi n:
ters and can recommend them. - VIC OIL
sT NO; not exactly that, replied the fao,n
- nSse never used the stuff myself: bnt Wv,
life" ""0 'ney Jest saved his
HoW,s that?' questioned some one
well, you see, Steve had taken tha LIZ.
m one week before he was showed in prison
tne shape OF iron about him, and vet ha ' nsd u
par and worked his way out. - 0 -Daue
f,,,n ifooapy he had whisky enough in him to
lo1 1n oar suggested wag.
.u NO, pat ne didn't retorted the first :
;, had been taking this mans IRON h;1,e-.
ye mind and what does Steve do bn uit ooon
VEN IN his arm. and took iron enopah o upe?
IL, y 80 Dlood to make crowbar, and pred the S
a Th open WIN IT. and let himself out. Fact p