The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1870-09-03
Billings-Pepper Pods
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

IF yu hav a spirited and noble boy, appeal tew
his generosity; if yu hav got heavy and sullen
one, appeal tew his back.
a CRATE menny ov people go abroad tew
improve their minds who hadn't got amy minds
when they war at home knowledge, like charity,
shud begin at home, then spred.
Afflickshuns are the compliments that heaven
paws tew the virtewous.
Nobody but phool will spend his time trieing
tew convince phOol.
Time is like money, the less we hcv ov it teW
spare the further we make it go.
The tongue IL really very fast member ov the
body pOlitick; be duz all the talking and two
thirds ov the thinking.
There is menny n person who kan set a mouse
trap tew perfeckshun but, not satisfied with sich
small game, undertake tew trap for bears, and
git ketched by the bears. Moral-Studdy yure
genius, and stick tew mice.
90 Let him 90, mi son, sed an ancient father
to hiz boy, who had caught yung rabbit, '' and
when he gifts bigger ketch him again. The boy
did az he wuz told, and haz been lookin for that
rabbit ever since.
The world owes all its energys and refinement
tew luxurys-digging roots for breakfast and
going naked for clothes, IL the virtewous inno-
cence of a lazy savage.
Thare IL lots Ov folks who eat well, and drink
well, and sleep well, and yet sick all the time
-theze are the folks who alwuz enjoy poor
health.
a person with little smattering of learning il
a good deal like hens egg that has been sot
a short time and then deserted by the hen-it is
spite for Matching out ennything.
90 People of good sense - are those whose opin-
yuns agree with ours.
Thare IL a great deal of magnificent poverty in
our big citys-people who eat klam soup out ov
a tin basin with gold spoon.
The place whar poverty, virtew, and luv meet
and worship together is the most sakred spot in
this universe.
Experience don't make man 80 bold as it duz
carful
Pride never forgets itself, never has a play
spell or frolik it il stiff from morning till night,
from top tn bottom like sled stake.
Thare ant but very little ginune good sense in
this world emmy how and what little there liz amt
in market-it is held for a dividend.
Those who made up their minds tew lead life
of enjoyment will find the following recipee
CRATE help to them: % To one ounce of plezure
add pound of repentance"
Adversely IL n pOultess which reduces our van
ity and strengthens our virtew-eyen boy never
feels half so good as when he haz been spanked
and sot away to cool.
Pedantry IL the science ov investin what little
yu know in one kind ov perfumery, and insisting
upon sticking that under every mans knoze whom
VI meet.
Lieing is like trieing tew hide in fog if yu
move about yure in danger Nv humping yure he'd
agin the truth, and az soon az the fog blows oph
yure gone emmy how.
Marrying an angel IL the poetry OF marriage,
but living with her IL the proze, and that is all
well enuff if the taste ov the poetry haint spite
our relish for the proze.
The man that lives on hope must pick the bones
ov disappointment.
The devil IL sed to be the father ov lies. If
this IL so, he haz got large family, and a CRATE
menny promising children amung them.
Life IL like mug ov beer, froth at the top, oil
In the middle, and settings at the bottom.
We should liv in this life az tho we war walk
ing on glaze ice, liable to fall at emmy moment,
and to be LATED at bi the bystanders
Men, If they amt too lazy, live sumtImes till
they are 80, and destroy the time good deal ez
follows: the fust 80 years they spend throwing
stuns at a mark; the second 80 they spend exam
lining the mark tew WHARF the stuns hit. and
the remainder IL divided in cussng the throw
ing Dizziness and nussin the rumatizz
This settling down and folding our arms, and
waiting for something to turn up, il Just about az
rich a speculation going out into a 4OO-acre
lot, setting down on sharp stone, with nail
between our knees, and waiting for cow to back
up and be MIXED