The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-09-01
SoissOrinotum.

arrangement IS carried out!"
A wit once asked peasant what part
he performed in the drama of life. q
mind my own business was the reply.
An illinois grave digger, who buried a
man named Button, sent bill to his wild
ow as follows: 'TO making one button
hole, S2,5O.'
A tipsy sailor mistook window for a
door on Broadway, and walked through
$500 worth of plate-glass, That was evil
IDENTIFY one glass too much.
81 see the villain in your face," said a
Western judge to an Irish prisoner. "May
it please your honor" replied the prisoner,
''that must be personal reflection"
Why is a carpenter far better lawyer
than a barristerl Because a barrister
commences his profession by going to the
bar; but carpenter goes direct to the
bench.
"The girl of the period" in Arkansas is
described as thirteen years old, shoeless,
bonnetless, stockingless, and the sheriff af-
ter her for stealing horse.
The mail between Richmond and York
town is carried on "cadav erous, rawbon-
ed, slab-sided, crop-eared, shaved-tailed,
knock-kneed, button-bellied, bandy-shank-
ed, bow-legged, pidgeon-toed, squint-eyed,
clay-bank, old cFowbit.
"Bob, is your sister at homer" eyes;
but she won't see you tonight" "Whyp
"Because she said she was going to have
one more mess of onions if she never got
another beau"
Smith looking over the garden fence of
his friend Jones, late on Saturday after
noon, saw Jones in the act of digging angle
worms. "Jones, said he, 81 hope you are
not going to break the Sabbath" "No,"
replied Jones, as he drew out fat fellow,
81 expect to make a whole day of it."
81 like to see the dear little creatures
amusing themselves" said Mrs. Brown,
Wien lGsrt eldest boy took the visitors
t'aeNz zbSanSt2SHA~HHix it to the tail Of his
kite. "Never fear," said the good matrOn
to her visitor, when she saw her bonnet in
the air; Gas soon as the kite comes down he
will give 1t to you"
off ever you think of marrying a widow
my son." said an anxious parent to his
heir, "select one whose first husband was
hung that's the only way to prevent her
throwing his memory in your face and
making annoying comparisons"
Given that wont prevent it," exclaimed
a crusty old bachelor; "she'll then praise
him and say hanging would be too good for
you"
The lazyest man kan think NV now,
was Israel Dunbar, ov Billingsville. He
dried up new milch COW in milking her 3
times, and planted an acre of beans last
spring awl in one hill. He IL 45 years
old and haiut had the meazles yet he hBz
alwus bin tew lazy tew ketch them. He
had one son who waz jist like him. This
boy died when he waz l8 years old in
crossing a corn-feld, the punkin vines took
after him and smothered him to death.
A fashionable but ignorant lady of St.
Louis wanted costly camel's hair shawl,
but her husband got her cheap imitation
article. On examining it, she found the
name of the manufacturer on one corner,
and wanted to know what that was.
"That," said the husband, "oh, that's the
name of the camel of whose hair the shawl
was made" The wife takes great pride
in her shawl, and has no doubt of its gen.
uineness.
Three little girls we're playing among
the poppies and sage bushes of the back
yard. Two of them were making believe
keep house, little way apart, as near
neighbors might. At last one of them was
overheard saying to the youngest of the
lot: "There now Nellie, you go over to
Sarah's house, and stop there and talk as
fast as you can, and then come back and
tell me what she said about me, and then
I'll talk about her; and you go and tell
her all | say, and then we'll get as mad
as hornets, and won't speak when we meet
just as our mothers do, you know, and
that'll be such fun-won't it!"
A merchant came into printing Office q
short time since, and, seeing pile of pa
pers laying on the table-it being publ.
cation day-unceremoneously helped him.
self to a copy, and said: "I s'pose you
don't take any pay for just one paper ''
"Not always" was the reply, Shortly af-
ter that the printer entered the mer-
chants store and called for a pound of
raisins, which was quickly weighed out to
him. The printer took the raisins saying
81 s'pose you don't charge anything when
fellow don't take but one pound ~
"No," said the grocer, after seeing the
disadvantage under which he was placed
by his own stingy illiberality toward the
printer and said: "When 1 get any more
newspapers from printer I'll pay for
| them"