Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1870-07-19
RIP VAN WRINKLE, M. D.
-rs An After-Dinner Prescription,
BY OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES.

ak VAN w In LE, IL. "
.s-. An Atter-Dinner Prescription,
BY OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES
Taken by the Massachusetts Medical Society, at
their Meeting, held May 18th, 1870.
CANTo FIRST.
Old Rip Van Wrinkle had grandson, Rip
Of the paternal block genuine chip;
A lazy. sleepy curious kind of chap
He like his grandsire took a mighty nap,
Whereof the story propose to tell
In two brief cantos, if you listen well.
The times were hard when Rip to manhood grew;
They always will be when there's work to do;
He tried at farming-found it rather slow
And then at teaching-what he didn't know
Then took to hanging round the tavern bars,
To frequent toddies and long-nine cigars,
Till Dame Van Wrinkle, out of patience, vexed
With preaching homilies, having for their text
A mop, q broomstick-aught that might avail
To point a moral or adOrn tale,
Exclaimed-'I have it Now then, Mr.. Y.
He's good for something make him an III. d.!
The die was cast; the oungster was contents,
They packed his shirts and stockings, and he
went
How hard he studied it were vain to tell
He drowsed through Wistar, nodded over Bell,
Slept sound with Cooper snored aloud on Good;
Heard heaps of lectures-doubtless understood
A constant listener for he did not fail
To carve his name every bench and rail.
Months grew to years; at last he counted three,
And Rip Van Wrinkle found himself M. d.
Ilustrious title in gilded frame
He set the sheepskin with his Latin name
Ripuan Van V3nktuns, qaem-We sclnaus-knoW
Idoneun2 eSSe-to do SO and so.
He hired an office; soon its walls displayed
His new diploma and his stock In trade
mighty arsenal to subdue disease
OF various names, whereof l mention these:
Lancets and bougies great and little squirt,
Rhubarb and SIENNA, Snakeroot, IhoroughWort,
Ant. Iaat., Vim, Colch., FL. Cocnle ana BLACK
Drop,
Tinctures of Opium, Gentian, Henbane, Hop,
Pulv. Ipecacuanh@, which Tor lack
Of breath to utter men call Ipecac,
Camphor and Kino, Turpentine, Tolu,
Cubebs, "Copeevey." Vitriol-white and blue,
Fennel and Flaxseed, Slippery Elm and Squill,
And roots of Sassafras and 'Sassaf' rill,'
Brandy-for colics-Pinkroot, death on worms
Valerian, calmer of hysteric squirms.
Musk Assafptida the resinous gum
Named from its odor-well, it does smell some
Jalap that works not wisely, but too well.
Ten pounds of bark and six OF Calomel.
For outward griefs he had an ample store,
Some twenty jars and galhpots, or more;
CerGtuaa Sineptec-hOusewlVes oft compile
The same at home, and call it wax and 1le;'
Un9uents01 ReSinosun1-change It's name.
The drawing salve' of many an ancient dame /;
Argentrl NitraS also Spanish flies,
Whose virtue makes the water bladder rise
Some say that spread upon atopers skin
They draw no water, only rum or gin)-
Leeches, sweet vermin! don't they charm the
sick?
And misunderstanding it hates to stick
EnepLQStY1r7a Ferri-ditto Ptcis, Pitch;
Washes and Powders, Birthstone for the-whlch,
,Scabies or Psora, is thy chosen name
Since Hahnemann's goose quill scratchd thee
into fame,
Proved thee the source of every nameless i'll,
Whose sole specific is a mOOnshlne pill,
Till saucy science, with quiet grin,
Held up the Acarus crawling on a pin?
I,bNn oyndh nxy hpnI1 rhf
mice;
The Dutchman's theory Matched brood Of
twice
Pve well nigh said them-words uniting quite
For these fair precincts and for ears polite.
The surest foot may chance at last to clip,
And So at length it proved with Doctor Kip.
One fuli-sized bottle stood upon the shelf
Which held the medicine that he took himself
Whate' er the reason, it must be confessed
He flied that bottle oftener than the rest;
= What drug it held don't presume to know
The giided label said Elixir Pro-"
One day the Doctor found the bottle full,
And being thirsty, took vigorous pull,
Put back the Elixir where twas always found,
And had Old Dobln saddled and brought round.
GU know those old-time rhubarb-colored nags
That carried doctors and their saddle-bags;
Sagacious beasts! they stopped at every place
Where blinds were shut-knew every patient
Looked up and thought-the baby's in fit
it;
But shook their heads before the knockered door
Where some old lady told the story er
Whose endless stream OF trlbulatiOn flows
For gastric griefs and peristaltic woes
What JACKIE lantern led him from his way,
And where it led him, it were hard to say;
Enough that wandering many weary mile
Through paths the mountain sheep trod single
file
Oercome By feelings such as patients know
Who dose too freely with "Elixir Pro-
He tum5l- dismounted slightly in a heap,
And lay, promiscous, Tapped in balmy sleep.
Night followed night and day succeeded day,
But snoring still the slumberng Doctor lay.
Poor Dobbln, starving thought upon his stall,
And struggled homeward, sadde-bags and all
The village people hunted all around,
But k'p was misslng-never could be found.
Drowned" they guessed for more than halt
year
The pouts and eels did taste uncommon queer;
Some said of apple brandy some
Found strong flavor of New England rum.
Why can'ta fellow hear the fine things said
About fellow when fellows dead?
The best OF d0ctors-so the press declared
Il public blessing while his life was spared,
True to his country, bounteous to the poor,
In ali things temp rate, sober just and pure;
The best OF husbands echoed Mrs. Van,
And set her cap to catch another man.
so ends this Uanto-if it QstaatuDa salf,
Wen just stop here and say we've had enough,
And leave poor Rip to sleep for thirty years;
grind the organ-lf you lend your ears
10 hear my second Canto, after that
Wen send around the monkey with the hat.
CANTo SECOND