The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1870-08-05
CURRErgr PARAsRAPHs.
HIt and HumOr.

A CINGNNATI eansus-taker, who was also
employed as Marshal in 1860, says many oi
the ladies have grown younger during the
past ten years.
a SYRAcUsAN, the other day, eonsoled
one of Dickens monrners with theremark
that the dead novelist had mighty smart
sister-that Anna Dickinson.
LADY, who was not Shakesperian
scholar, hearing the s'Merry Wives OF
Windsor" highly praised, inquired how
many wives Mr.. Windsor haG.
THE Supreme Court of Georgia has de-
ciaed that bachelor is family, that he is
the head of 1t, and as such entitled to the
privileges of the Homesteadact.
sIESSY, sid his maiden aunt, ''you
Should eat the barley that is in your soup,
or-yOB "A never get man." Lenny, look
ing up fnnoeently, inquired: sis that what
you cat it for, aunty?"
A REvENaEFuL individual, IN the exnber-
ance OF. his rage at some one who had Of
Tended him, said: '1'n have revenge. III
DO something terrible. III give his little
boy tin hornp"
A LITTLE BOY embodied his thoughts
On theology in words, thus, II don't see
how the devil came to turn out so when
there was no other devil to put him up to
If. I" -
A LADY asked q pupil at school, sfWhat
was the sin Of the Pharisees p "Eating
camels. marm, quickly replied the child.
She had read that the Pharisees strained
at gnats and swallowed camels."
Nor long ago, youth, older in wit than
in years, after being cateehised concerning
the power of nature, replied: ssNow, /
thiak there's one thing that nature can't
do" ''What is it, my ehild?' ''She can't
make Bill Jones' mouth any bigger without
setting his ears back.
THE greatest pleasure Of life is love; the
greatest treasure is contentment; the great
est possession is health; the greatest eese
Is sleep; and the greatest medicine is a
true friend. -..-- ~
An Irish gentleman, who had been
spending the evening with few friends,
looked at his watch Just after midnight
and said: cit is tomorrow morning; I
must bid you good night, gentlemen"
AN urchin hearing his father read on ar
ticie in the paper in relation to new in
vention of bricks of glass, exclaimed:
''Glass bricks? know what them is. I"
''WhGt are they?" inquired one of the fam
ily. ''Tumblers of liquor" said the youth.
a RULING SPIRIT, strong in youth, was
exempliisd in a Dubuque Sunday School,
where q teacher asked the little boys which
they would prefer to do-',Steal dollar,
or have dollar stolen from them" Imme-
diately hand was raised. and little
urehin candidly answered, '.Please, sir, I'd
rather steal dollar ~ ..-.. -1--
d New HA1PsHIRE farmer wanted farm
hand, and was applied to by an Irishman
who wanted to work. The farmer object
cd to engaging Pat, on the ground that
two Irishmen previously in his employ had
hiring me for that, do YEP" said Pat. 81
place where I've worked that 1 never
played such trick" uE
II WISH" said the slight and elegant
Mrs. Fitzbob to her friend Mrs. TTigg,
whose enlbOHpOint was strikingly handsome,
s'L wish had some of your fat, and you
had some of my lean" s'Fn tell ron what
is the origin of that wish, replied the fair
wit: ''yOu think too much OF me, and too
little Of yourself.
Mrs. H, young mother. was ex-
ulOltlnS Win cOnSlderaDIe pr1de 10 a numDer
of admiring friends her first baby. Finally
"a proaching little Dan, a boy of five years,
the happy parent said: 'Dan, isn't this o
dear little baby?" Dan hesitated mo-
ment, turned up his eyes, and answered:
eyes, but il is baldheaded.
PosToFFIE CLERKS occasionally get of q
funny thing; at least SO says the Bingham
ton Daily Republican. A clerk in our
postoffiee heard tap at the window of the
ladies' department, when who should he
tiad there but man by the name OF Drake
to whom he said: s..Mr. Drake, will you
please 60 tc the other side, this depart
ment is for dueksP
UNDER the inspiration of 95 degrees Fair.
enheit, an attic poet has sweated through
him the following ''poem":
The dOrg days arc upon us; i.-
The sun is pouring down - E,.-.t
Upon the heads of every one
- In this here blaZen town.
Oh for a breath OF fresh air
Oil for little rain
Pd Just do anything on earth - -
These things for to obtain.
And il don't obtain them soon rs
A funeral there will be;
The hacks will with my friends be filed,
But the corpse it viii be me.