Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1870-02-15
IN 90 M II T a x


pairing 70 MAXI rebuEus w sno Asoios"S'
Assessor Of Internal = its so hard o
spell that word right-Revenue who
never before took that trouble. The
other day we called on gallant old-or
not so very old--bschelor friend at his
private quarters He is gallant in pub
lie, but sometimes very crusty in private,
when be can take liberties with the for
bearsnce aad pity Of bis friends. His
coat was of, bis sleeves above Dis elbows,
and he was hard at work. Before him
lay two or three printed blanks, ell
spoiled, and q copy of Burdoin's Univsr-
sity Arithmetic. vls1.eGt
"Hello, Colonel, what are you doing
at work in this close room when so many
pretty girls are on the streets expecting
bow from youT" We always call him
Colonel--he likes il. This brought him
to attention. na
"Well, the fact is, l am trying to make
out return Of my income; but it is
hard to return anything that you have
not received. The first year after the
war-won't you take a seat 2--I had
Thank you; I'll just sit down here on
this trunk"-"I had an income that was
worth returning, but I Whitfield it away to
nothing, and returned none. Since then
l have had none to return. But this
year, having some matrimonial proclivi-
ties, thought it might be well enough to
get up good showing as possible, that it
may be published elong with the rest in
the papers"
Capital idea, Colonel; you'll marry
off this year, certain. How do you figure
it out7" Nty8h gf
well, there is the misery. The best
can make it, published or unpublished,
will damage my matrimonial prospects
materially"
3 The Colonel took down needle and
thread from the msntelpiece, and COM
menced sewing button on his vest. e
In the meantime we looked over his
work, and found that none of his various
returns were the same. The best speci,
men of his chirography we put in our
notebook, and quietly babe the Colonel
good afternoon, to his evident surprise
OF so short visit from one accustomed
to wait for dinner. 3.
The blank which is before us is nearly
blank in fact. 1t begins: detailed
statement. of income, gains and profits Of
]. -, etc., during 1859, and of
carriages owned" etc. The word "cAr-
riuges" he had underscored q time or
two, as if counting how many he he'd. In
the items of income he returned opposite
the 18th, which is from all sources not
above enumerated" 1876, and gross in
come the same. The deductions In
cluded $1,000 exempt by law" and $96
"amount paid for rent of homestead"
He evidently believes 10 squatter SOW
ereiguty, for he keeps only one broken
chair in his room, and always sits on that
when visitors call to stay couple of
hours. In marginal notes he writes: 1896
from 1916 leaves $2T9. and that from the
$1,000 allowed by law leaves $72l. That
multiplied by five per cent. gives $36 %,
the amount due me from the Government,
which will pay the rent Of my homestead
four and half months, if can get it,"
Ga the next page, where the questions
are asked, he had exercised his greatest
ingenuity. Opposite the taxable ar
tices he made only coniempigoas
SCRATCH, ruu Z mt Dt-
The answers TO questions were, no
doubt, intended for reference year
hence.
Q-"HSd your wife any income last
year," Ayes; l think she had
about ten thousand dollars"
Q-"Did any minor child of yours re-
ceive any salary last year," A-"No,"
Q-"Have you included in this return
the income Of your wife !" A" Not
yet; the old man refuses to die"
O." Have you any stocks, and what
are they 2" A" Yes; an old stock and
two crsvats."
Q-"Have you bought or sold stocks"
etc. A-"No; / had this one all the
time"
O." Have you any United States Sc
curitiesf" A" None, except my ex-
euption papers, which got during the
war on account of being over forty-fve."
(The last line had been erased partially J
O." Have you transferred to eDy
child of yours any of your gains, in.
come, etc ?" A-"NO; and never
will"
O." Have you kept aay book &C
COUNT" Ayes, on the wall at the
head of my bed, but the chaubermaid
wiped them of the day before Christ
mas"
Oils your income estimated or taken
from your books1" A" How coald il
be taken from the books when the books
are rubbed out, and the chsmbermaid
dismissed because she wouldn't work
without her internal revenue " II
This ends the most important questions
and answers. The name of the deponent
is suppressed, out of delicate regard
for the feelings of the chamhsS-ssid.
M1roxrAx TABLEAUx. : The great