, 1870-08-07
THE JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS,
Jo~tl Helpless


.Thomas. "-.' Jordan Is + hard road 10
t1nvel." kant tell you who WE the inventor
ov this Saving, sum foot-eore cuss probably,
who waz too lazy to keep boss and wagon
Ferdinand. - Mau wants but little here
hello. nor wants that little long" Il libel;
man wants everything LIE KIN see, or hear oy,
and never IL wiling to let 20 OF hiz grab.
Whenever xu find = man who Il thoroughly
satisfied with what he haz got, yu will lind
either an ideot. or one who haz tried bard to
= uan grows, tho marc wantful he bcsums.
and az hiz hold on life slackens, hiz pinch on
a dollar grows gHppS.
Marcus "-'' II i man asks for bread, will
IN give him a stun, Il 4 bible question. ana iz
i fair cue. l hev known folks to give blesd
that waz stonwy. That IL az near az kan
answer the question now.
Is Herot. that puts 4 email value on
luis services. Issues proposals ten the lowest
bidder. When yu make request Of diviua
Providence, it is best to BE- modess, il you ex-
peks to get what ~ ask for. but there is 50
little uodesty in tho world, between men,
that when rou cum acrost it we mistake il for
ignorance Q, imbeeility. Yu will often see lit
tie boys ketcling lies. and killing them for
fun, but you dont zee thezn ketch hornets just
for fun. The ating IN the hornets tail ID what
mikes him respectable.
Mlller."-iu hav got it right the f1sst
time, i1sg1atitude IL one ov them crimes that
every bodily sticks up their nozc ut, it y the
worst insult We can CIV, or receive. y let's .
brutee, for the yeliowist. and meanest dog in
the United States, wags his tnil il you throw
him but bu1st crust. What an awful thought
it Il, that ingEatitude IL the common sin
a8slnst God,
Matilda. Kissing Is one ov the rudi-
ments; babys are learnt it instead ov tho
alphabet, but they don't understand tho
strong points in it, set they seem tan TO Inv
it without knowing why; this iz = brieky
nafuri noahens. kant ten you whether
! tba1e is emmy particular etiket to be observed
| In administering kiss or not Between
! lovers it Il sum times usual to kiss and hang
! on. bnt it strikes NE that the best way IL tew
cum up front face, In single file, then fro and
chance tew get the favor The crest buty oy
G kiss lies in its impulsiyeness. and in its i'm.
preesibility, two pretty big words, but worth
! the mummy.
Gov IN amateur na,1r, )ov late years, and thera
| may be Eum new dodge, that mint posted in.
but the otd-fashioned, Is year ago kind, I ze-
member freEh, that kind didn't hav emmy
| mathematics in it. but var more Ike sponsa-
| neoua combustion.
kieeing. as Il general thing, is not very Inter
esting tew byRtanaerp, and IL sumtlnaes even
looked upon By third party, sz uneal1eo
Warwick. tbs. givcsh' tsE the
poor, lendeth 10 the Lerd:" il you had read
yuse bible ez mutch ez hav, !u wonh1n nav
aeked me II Shakespeare wrote tlls remark.
Charity IL ~ mutch OK pf1S11cse u Il
| duty, and lending to the Loru L unaoobted
security for any mans mummy.
Hc that gives nothing away while living dies
kantrunt. aud hiz estate Is generally settled
by biz heirs. = good deal a. the c1ows settle
| dead boss-by pitching into the rem,ins.
Tbare IL many folks whose heAIta bile with
| cl1ritv. but whose extremitya are cold, hal!-
s-doilar kon,rscts to = three cent piece By the
time it reaches the end ov their fngers-
eada1e s !sisy isttes haz questions i
sud If should answer them ali. yu would be
fuler--ov edukashun than an aulnanak-
Who the author OF the saying, Tbs good
die Snng;n va, dor, don't tx kneE, eSs but WI re-
kan die. the better, and not tew be born ut ali
is ded sure thing.
Again, " it regards the number Of yea.s
that : kat kan live, that depends entirely upon
circunstances; they kant 1--we over Sunday
@AheL-You kant pick out = hypokrita By
his looks emmy more than yu kan fat oyster
by the shell; they are frequently ike An old
te@ 1T III tza9ss S t Sas Hfq bssn
sleeping, With one eye open, for 8 yea,s.
IheJ are like elyer-plated forks, wear well for
lcng time, but are sure to show the odious
bEaea 1T last
Hannibal presents with tho
AWAY aWl the cream ov girink or receiving: it
b. en- skimd.
| "Aercu1y"-" Owe for for lodge in sum
vast wldemess,' WIZ the private opinion ov
M!aCoHpeE, one OF the verJ few men who hev
, lived yet Who WIZ pure enuK teH. nonopolize
and tho God Who made it. Most peopls hoIier
} for solitude without thinking that it L shick-
, II settled place, full or raeuorJs- Solitude IL
Tho last placa for good n.n 70 go. g.. f.. t.. And
, Even Mid beasts don't like solitude and luv to
I Raa the emoke OF chimhly. Solitude in small
, doses Il III ven enuf, bus Is miles Eauaro ov
: It would make most man either counter
: feite- CT lie ss-thef.