The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-03-27
WIT AND WISDOM.


When it is grated.
Whats o'clock ~ Why, machine to tel
the time by, stupid.
The only blusterer from whom a brave MAI
will take blow is the wind.
Virginia has Natural Bridge-but that's nc
more than every ones nose, has.
In game of cards good deal depends or
good playing, and good playing on q good deal
An exchange paper says: "'Truth' is in
type, but is crowded out by more important
matter"
A milkman accounted for the weakness of his
milk by saying that the cows got caught in
A model surgical operation To take the
cheek out of young nan and the jaw out of
o woman.
Three things that never agree--Two cats
over one mouse, two wives in one house, and
two lovers after one young lady.
"My boy, what does your mother do for a
living n was asked of little barefooted fol-
low. She eats cold victuals, SIR"
"Have you any loose change this morning p
asked young fellow of his Companion. "No,
indeed" was the reply, money is tight"
fine him." says Alphonse Kari; shut when
poison my grocer they send me to the guillo-
tine"
An editor says that the only reason why his
gale, was because there was heavy mortgage
upon it.
didn't you guarantee, SIR that this horse
would not shy before the fire of an enemy 7"
"No more he won't Tisn't till after the fire
that he SHES"
che will squabble about a single farthing"
"Well, )" remarked Sharp, Il have always been
told that the less one squabbles about the bet
ter"
I'LL Jo;i are niiseTabiy sick, it is irritating to
have the steward open the door in the morn
ing and ask if youth have fresh roll for break
fast.
Minnesota juror lately addressed a note to
the judge, in which he styled him " Onarable
Jug" Taking the bench it runs, the juror
was nearer right than might seem at first
glance
An excitable gentleman at fire headed q
line OF fire buckets, and as fast as they were
passed to him he threw bucket and all into the
fire., crying out all the while, Pass on more
buckets ~
"Pompey," said q good natured gentleman
to his colored man, e" did not know till to-day
that You had been whipped last week" "Did
MT you massa," replied Pompey, " 1 knowed it
at the time of it."
The proprietor of a forge, who was not re-
markabIe for correctness of language, but who
by honest industry had realized a competence,
being called on at a social meeting for a toast,
gave, Success to forgeryw
The following admonition was addressed by
a Quaker to man who pouring forth a
voltey of i'll language against him, " Have a
care, friend; thou may'st run thy face against
my fist"
"Dick," said certain lawyer to a country
man, who was considered more fool than knave,
"what would you call the greatest curiosities in
the world ?" why" replied Dick, " an hon
est lawyer and a river on fire."
young lady from the rural districts went
to Des Moines to see the elephant. In ahe
street cars the conductor said to her, Miss. |
your fare We'll, if am" replied she, &c
don't want any of your impertinence."
man killing hogs became vexed, and vent
ing his spleen, wished they were in -. go,
tie girl who had overheard him. "Why," eX-
planned her brother, " he wants his provisions
sent on before him."
A few days since dun called a young |
was somewhat taken aback by the debtor
taking him aside, and blandly saying, "My
dear sir, Gail next Thursday, and I'll tell you
when to call again."
The other evening n gentlemans button be-
came fastened in tho fringe of a lady's shawl.
% am attached to YOU" said the gentleman,
laughing, while he was iudustriously trying to
get loose. The attachment is mutual" was
the good-humored reply.
"The boy at the head of the class will state
what were the dark ages of the world" Boy
"Next-Master Smith can't you
tell what the dark ages were ?" 81 guess they
were the ages just before the invention of
spectacles." I" Go to yonr seats"
"Dear me-" said Stiggins, "that sur
geon gave Squantum's boy new lip from the
childs own cheek. What painful operation
it must have been 2! "Pve had pair of lips
taken from my cheek more than once" replied
Mrs. Stiggins, "and it wasn't painful opera
ton at all"
"Mary Magdalene had seven devils cast out
Of her. / never heard of man having seven
devils cast out of him!" growled a cynical
i'll the course of IA discussion on the
woman question. "No, they not cast out
yet, believe,' was the quiet response of his
fair antagonist.
An empty coNcomb, after having, engrossed
the attention of the company for some time
with himself and his petty ailments, observed
to DR.. Parr that he could never go out without
catching cold in his head, "No WONDER" said
the doctor pettishly; "you always go out with
out anything in it,"
An old gentleman of eighty-four having
taken to the altar young damsel of about |
sixten, the parson said to him, "The font is at |
want with the font ?" snapped the old gentle
man. " o, beg your PARDON" said the clerical
wit, B." thought you had brought this child to |
be christened."
An Incorporated society hired q man to blast t
q rock, says Mark Twain, and he was punching |
powder into % hole with a crowbar, when o |
premature explosion followed, thereby send |
ing the man and crowbar out of sight. Both |
came down all right, and the man went to
only fifteen minutes, they locked him for lost |
time
During q disturbance in the West Indies,
some Years ago, the Seventy nth Highlanders
were sent to of the islands to restore order.
Inc negroes had never seen Scotch regiment
before, and were consequently somewhat puz-
lied Mt the costume till at last some one ex