, 1870-08-14
TITBITs.


| T1T-BITs.
WHY is 4 thunder storm iko IN oaiona Ds-
cause i: is peal on pcale
"A cute American naturalist ;haa observed
teat the tce rs it fsics froE, the hive i, Oddly
eisous}l. going to hum.
judy snya: Clsp blister on rost md it
| viii mske him eoar-
| -" Dedad,r said M Hishnsn, s:if Txnko,
were cast away on desert is!and, he'd begin
selling MAPS to the lnhshitants."
"A gentleman asked little girl Whist twas
fiat made person look 90 when anoshsr
% ISs i s 1se
-"Deaeon," said 4 minister, aftes hessy
[ sernor, I'm very tired" "Tndeed,~ 10
Piled Ire deacon, "then you'll knou how to
PLY u.s."
An Ohioan's rotato-Geld was thorougy
rcstd over the otl.er day. and hs thinks l.o
me! ttli the story in series of articles
titttl "EEat an U-G nose about farming"
~ msn in Michigan snapped his horse for
.-i;c. \ lsehelor acquaintance sad that he'd
te; there VS. something wrong viii the horss.
| III ll.h: 1l.unsr-
-"Iov ahcut tho smallpox excitement up
yorr way: asked one conntEJu1n OF anotllar-
"oh!. Eas the reply, its dying ont with tho
The builder OF church now in course Of
erection in England, when the toast Of llis-
hes1h vas given, rather enefgetieallS replied
that me vas more fit ID for the seaaold than
One Of our most skilfal military citzans
| has so much confidence IN himself that he
ssrs be can drill roet-
- man Tho went fishing in = private pond
complains that he only got one lite. and that
| WAS from dog whoso master OWLS the pond.
-Discase and pills, when they att ter mans
body. are Ike two lawyers when ther under
take TO settle his aGairs; they compromise the
l WA tfaf lie Iar5r 5r<y yct1f}h }haY Y,nkSd
Ezra Haskell, Of Troy, y. T., suicidel. Oh
Thursday, to got rid Of the heat. Ho had, il
etems: every confidence ~ to bis future,
-" Leuuy," said his maiden aunt. you
should eat the barley that is in Jour soup, or
| you will never Set tn be man Lenng, look
ing up. innoceutiy inquired, "1s that what
. 5ou eat it Tor, auuty -
IL Milwaukee "nusa" says: "Taint much
trouble to take care o sick pnssons; most on
'sm don't wait anything, md, II they do, ths5
i | dep't get it.'
: "A lille boy who Was praiaed for novsx
: taking lis eyes OF the preacher, answered,
, with III simplicity, :" Eaatsd to see how near
he wsa to the end
: Not havtpg head from the debating sois-
ty in relation to the eonunaFum. Why do
l hens always lay eggs in tue day 5tine coz
. temporary anareEs, Because At night they
: are roostets."
l -Talleyrand, on being aaked bs lady the
!. meaning Of non-lnsersentiou. replied: '- Ms
= dame. non-intergention is diplomatic aud
fLlEuAI4C WQ1U, WHICH 3}fTllQG6 &QCUk kQG 431UM
y tL,og as lntetyantlon-
: "a wonan-lectnrer SAYS wonan's sphere is
o "bouuded north BY her husband. on tho east
9. By htr bady, Oh the sonth BY her mothes.iu-
10 law, aud Oh the went BY maiden aunt"
e Az a'Bpi1itusl ci1cle, in Des Aoines. ths
a. | following question was asked the meslium:
q "What causes the most amusement in tho
q spirit laud:" Heading our own obituary ny
y tices," was the prompt reply
IN Smith, looking over the garden feuco Of
Us his frit nd Jones, late on Saturday afternoon
no saw Jones in the acs Of digging angle worms
be .1e.es ssia hs II y. sops sea .;;' ~ not Eeias
y AZ lie drew out II: fellow, = oSpcct to make
Is whole day Of it,"
" At tho Grand Army Fair, III Lewiston,
Me-, veteran was relating his exploits to
bo3s, ,tnatked that lie had been III tiva en-
eaeeIicnts. '.TLa:s no;liuE, broke III. =
lis..e fellow; my sister saE5 has been sti-
to Gagsd eleven timea-"
I'd The following is succiuct bat spiri:al
recount Of the history Of tne Kilkenny cats ::
Is There nrs, was two ra,s In Kilkenny,
X Anii n.ch Thought there Was OLE cut TOO ntaay:
ug 50 they quargelle.l and dr.
t. and 1ie5 euu.e!s, aul they bit,
liza tn. excepting their nalis
~ AZ. TIT tit,s Ut t,lfsr ta.ta,
~ Instead VI tro cats, there wasnr any.
-ar inventor Of cooling drinks las dsco7-
an ! cred 1hat I squeeze Of lemon il a GEcat Iu
I'm | rruyeuent To tea. and may be nsel With whia-
,rs key. when tLere happens u be sc.1city oI
,ut the former OF the two, l.e thinks that It L
or even more adapted for drinking with wlu.key
in The warmth of affection. --srlil (u1oro il
eorrou than in anserl. - herton, I feel mas'
Of speak to you. iou arc growing cold; you
r. never Eay word; sou ut there seemingly IN
he contcicus Of my presence. Tell me-0.i, tel
ed me!-io you regret oar engagement Or,
4 ~" Merton teasr1usl. ''You nasGlty;
in- naughty Girl. to dnnLt your own Mertie. Eul
do remember that for the last three waess uie
eu | glass has been at 1870 in the shade"
kn fr,ah fo1 ;rt tovn 1.4r t,j
e. fell III love with another man and married hiul
Or which csuled Pat to e1clzia, in the fullness
atv Ct lis ht art: 'bth would that yon had beer
IL. Torn tw1ns, 80 that could have had one O
lsn you-'
Tho almost cr3atrl1ine clenrncss Of tn
ent follow irs profound reflection OF kant's canno
tit fs,l to he At once appreciated: - We arc no
sou | yet tho Identical Oar entity w.yars, blt on
to beine remai,,s imrnutab}e. Essence il in per
til. maneucr, accidents vacillate- var1ons IN in
en-, variable ness, with many phases. but Of oa
on, | MY AelcipE type, va nre not Tomorrow Hh1
s,a- We We were lie day bsfore yesterday"
,lor -ure day. while "clcsics1 gcnt!cmau
'ox, frorn lown Eset vas safinE grace at tho tabl
ali Of gentleman in Foriham. Frank. th
c. youngest Of his flock. aeed ., did uot like th
itb, nCtioE Of Keeping quiet 30 long time, an
finally, being urahie to wait any lonsar, burr
Ct out - Wait till dit driax Of water, al
city den sou tan pray all you want to-
At5o "a cOlRTefl mAn fGceutiy apEEf,0 10 t'fuu
: to inent gentleman, residing on Fifth avenue, f
SEQ. letter Of recommendation, hv means {
With which tr hoped to ab'sin situation. tt
ses- man, being well known to the gentleman
aero question, the testimonial was r,ail! give
aeht himself had expected, and that worthy, an Z
ooss covering his sttonehrneut, exclaimed !: :. Sa
ser NJ won't you gize me eoneshi1E to (
ow'a 1y.;,- -, n.,,,-,1,. ,..o1,. =, ry,,
'pSe 1se irston etiquette, according to which Co
eoe g1essman didn't dine until / o'clock, :;enat
the ursil 5. Cal met officer unti' 6, and the Pre-
sn nt,t H. M has sst ID az s5 q my Pnt b,
~ yarn which he sells OF retired sea Captain
.nns Mstblchead. According TO this story, the Q
III; III salt to longcd for his dinner that his ohgi
are wife teek 10 serving At II, aud. atte. eo1
LIZ IL. morring secmca go long 70 him thst he ordt
1ts,s; cl !: ut 10, and halfpatt 9, and 50 eazl
xs..t eui? CARTER. spd when last hea,l from he Il
,aau Eack.,I toand with lis dinner three wiz
'ess es;: days .s.ns his Goldfish en- Wednesday, 4,
M !. his Sunday beef Oh Thursday.
nzk "a young 1Soston man. who purposeI alta
sled ing II tl,iness u Nc'E York City. mads pl
folio lilunasy visit there, armed With letters OF
ora.s tsllr.tion to business mrn. These ptasent
, Or ana tue csual eoatpHmsuts rtsaeo, n9 -
ar,rs vLat hs intended to DO. ~ have not ezae
By deri':*d." rer lied the young Puritan, hut
ho. can Get living honestly HSlnE III
The estiy:" An honest living, repeated
lrsuat Eos;ouian. Young man," said the n
who Yorker, IT congratulate you there is no.
ono city III the United States IN which 5ou '
lard, meet With 20 little competition in your nett
ader- OF doing business"
Hill In parliamentary committee for n
ears railway, il was necessary 10 prove pot u1on.
'o.ei certain valley. The following questions 4
4 OF ausseta passed in the process: 1t DO )
Irl IS mean to tell the committee, said counsel
his the opponents OF the new line !" that you e
suit taH An Inhabited house Ia that valley 7" q
raw DE-, replied the witness. ibid you e
tnaio vehicle there in all your life :" II Yes
bust did, VERY good" Some other qnestit
was we're put, which led to nothing particular;
mar 1ust e 4he watneHs WIS leaving tho boz,
orr- learned gentleman put one more queati,
At- ~ sul instructed to ask you II the vehicle
,. As saw was not the learss OF the aast inha
Sim t1ut :" .'It ras-"
le.a- Those who have due sense Of gr1titl
! naa slHays get along pleasantly in The world s
u n'a 1e1tt thought Jamea DUNCAN, of New Orlaa
1Etee 4 few weeks s1nce be Was caught under e
lntef. plcioEs circumstances. in the residence q
adent eit1zeu- He begged earnestly to be releaa
'ptos- and Vas finally let 60. Shortly aftezward
e9A- made similar visit and was again ar1cs:
= ny =. What are Iou doing hers again = inqui
esak the gentleman whose premises we're iavad
rning hour nv fHend.~ Yea but I'm grateful,
.heoa c.uss yor, wera lind to mo occobe }o.e" " "A