Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-06-03
1Hss saaOr.

The sweets OF ofice--The sugar duties.
Agricultural mcnding-Potato patches.
How to get a foot-hold-Take bootjack.
The way of the world-short weight.
A new way to pay old debts-settle them
in full.
10 make Venetian blind-Put out his
eyes.
New name for weaving babies-Bottle
mps. .--.-,..-
The best band to accompany lady vocs-
list-a husband.
What is the greatest curiosity in the
world A woman's.
Great cry and little woor-An obstre-
porous niger baby,
When lis newspaper the sharpest p
When it is filed.
It is che little attentions that please the
ladies Only they want lots Of 'em.
If you beat me, I'll call out the soldiers
as, the drum said.
A well-setting dress makes damsel feel
nicely fitted for some young MAN.
A farmer gathers what he sows, while
seamstress sews what she gathers.
Who is the shortest man mentioned in the
Bible? -high-miah.
Why is love like canal boat =? Because
it is an internal transport.
A girl at party was asked what made
her face look so red. She replied them
horrid chaps.
Every clergyman is supposed to be fami
lar with at least one mechanical trade-that
Of a joiner.
When should man be spoken of in the
plural number When he is man beside
himself.
Darling, its bedtime. All the little
chickens have gone TO bed yes, mamma.
50 has the old hem
We love to see people in lively humor,
provided they are not always in ardent soir-
its.
She that marries man because he is n
good match, must not be surprised if be turn
out lucifer
An innocent writer informs us that man
kind embraces woman. He would be fun
nv kind of man who did not
An editor of paper in Indiana wants to
know if modern whisky was ever seen COM
in thro' the rye?
Where is money first mentioned in the
Bible? Where the dove brought the green
back to Noah.
Why is the earth like blackboard Be-
cause the children Of men multiply upon the
face of it.
The lash that man does not object to hay
ing laid on his shouldors-the eye-lash Of
pretty girl.
At recent wedding breakfast, one Of the
speechmakers wished the bride "many re-
turns of the happy occasion"
eWhat makes you spend your time SO
freely, Jack? because it is the onl y thing
have to spend"
A pawnbroker having Joined temper
ance society, it was remarked that there need
be no fear Of his not keeping the pledge.
We are told to have hope and trust !; but
what can poor fellow do when he can no
onger get any trust
The soonest thing on record-Time; it
is always on the wing, and no one has ever
been able to catch it as it flies. but drum
mer beats it,
A pothouse politician was Boosting that he
could bring an argument to point as quick
as any other man. "You can bring quart
to pint quicker" observed wit
A clergyman, coming out of the water
with a woman he had baptized, asked her
how she felt in her mind He was not
little surprised to hear her answer, Bully
A queer humorist, who has had hard
time OF 1t, says, when man begins to 90
down hill he finds everything dressed for the
occasion
Neverq quarrel with your wife. as you only
have to make i. up, and pay for the recon
cillation in the shape of a season ticket at
the opera, trip to the springs, silk dress.
or cashmere shawl.
Philosophy says that shutting the eyes
makes the sense of hearing moro acute. A
wag suggests that this accounts for the MANY
closed eyes which are seen in our churches
every Sunday morning.
ALL OVER Town Jane said wag
its all over town.
What's all over town p
'Mudr
Miss James eyes droppsd--and so did her
WAITER all!
An old merchant once instructed his !
clerk as follows when man comes into
the store and talks Of his honesty. watch
him; if he talks of his wealth, don't trv to
sell him; if he talks of his religion. don't
trust him a dollar
GRAMMER IN THE BAcK-Woops. Glass
IN Nrammer may come on the floor now,
John you commence. All the world is in
debt Parse world
World is general noun, common metre
objective case, and governs Miller
Very we'll. Sam. parse debt
De a IS common noun. oppre ,sive mood,
1Thatil do. Read the next sentence
Boys and girls must have their plav'
Phillip, parse boys
Boys am particular noun, single num
Der, uncertain mood, laughable case, and
agrees with girls
The next
Boys is musical noun, inferior number,
sonjunctive mood, and belongs to the girls,
with which it agrees