The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-01-30
WIT AND WISDOM.

felonyg When he IorSeS.
A horses teeth tells how old the creature is,
but a womaII's tongue doesn't
WHY is butchers cart like his boots'f Be-
cause he carries his calves there.
People speak ofSthe sun breaking ont. VIII
that account for the>epPts on its face
Can a tall man have,a short memory Yes,
lust as a short man canhave lopGsleep
1t is perfectly clear that every person on
earth must be 'under n cloud" sometimes.
A concert singer having murdered a tune,
subsequently, tried his voice. and acquitted
himself. -
man seen going up Camp street lately
with three real legs-4but one was a leg of NUT
ton on his shoulders
We often omit the good VIE mi ght do IN con-
sequence of thinking of that which 1t rs out
of our power to do. Il
Congestion of the brain is very prevalent in
the army Just now, and is said to be another
name for too much whisky.
An amateur astronomer says, The light
supposed to be a comets tail, is nothing more
than a streak of lightning friz up"
We ascertain the qualities of bell by ring
ing it. A young man had better ascertain the
qualities of belle before ringing her.
A New York drayman owns a horse so poor
that knot is tied in his tail to prevent his
body from slipping through the collar
woman, purchasing some cups and saueers;
was asked what color she would have. Wen
1 amt particular, any color that won't show
dirt"
Di3bV saws IT is true that - there is more
pleasure in giving than receiving" but he also
thinks it especially applies to medicine, KICKS
and advice.
" "Pooh, pooh " said wife to her expiring
husband as he strove to utter few parting
words, 'don't stop to talk, but go on with
Your dying"
lawyer who had a most absurd case sub
mitted to him, on being asked if the action
would lie, answered, Eyes, if the witnesses
will lie too, but not otherwise"
The young ladies of the Treasury Depart
ment are forbidden, by printed placard, to
whistle while at workSa most tyrannca! in
reference with woman's rights.
"My SON. said an old lady, " how must
Jonah have felt when the whale swallowed
him :" "a little down in the mouth, sup
pose," was young hopeful's reply.
A moral debating society out West is
gagged in n discussion on the following ques-
ton ''If man deserts his wife, which is the
most. abandoned, the man on the woman =
A schoolmaster asked one of his scholars
in the winter time, what the Latin for
cold. "Oh," answered the lad, 81 forget at
this moment, although have it at my finger
lends"
"WeH, wife, don't see for my part how they
send letters on them ERE wires without tear
ing 'em all to bits" LA, me! they don't send
the paper: they just send. the writing in a fluid
state" .r.-
A lady wished, seat. portly, handsome
gentleman brought one. and seated the lad y
4 . Oh you're jewel" said she:. Oh, no." he
TepIleu; III d JS"0tSiisE nave J''' "N' '--O
Il jewel"
An old minister asked n woman what could
be done to induce her husband to attend
& church. - don't know" she replied, 'unless
you We're to put Il pipe and jug OF whisky IN
the pew"
r Sir, said young wife to her husband, a
few days after marriage, You were honest
F. enough to fell me that your chimney smoked
but why didn't you tell me that you smoked
yourself
s When IN Il-natured fellow was trying to
pick quarrel with pcacea5lc man, the latter
Said, q l never had a fuss except with one man,
snd he was buried Mt four o'clock; it is now
7IHff=pHst three"
"A negro who,lad- learned TO read otIIilton
Head, wishing TO give som>~of his aquaint-
ances who had never seen book, an idea of
BIT, said, " Reading is tho power of hearing
45>sitf1 tist eyes instead Of the ears. 2
Floating with the stream isn't always the
sbest fortune Mariners are not made in smooth
seas. We all need to struggle to reach the
81 best there is for us. 4 tug and tussle With
counter elements evolve strength. - /
"WAa+-aEl-3-all-d doing - slid = London d. d.
s. to II visitor ~" Oh, attt
LIN -aiHistTy-IaegE,n SEas-the- somewhat cz-
Fl infant reply h. but, my BROTHER said tho
querst again, lis the ministry in yoq =
Goodness Of heart is mans best treasure; his
br ghtest honor and wisest acquisition. 1t Is a
raw of divinity that digniies humanity, at
tracts admiration and assmilates him to- his
Creator; but, like pure gold, he is liable to be
counterteited.
expect" said a good Christian, q to pass
through this world but once If, therefore,
there be any kindness can"show, or anything
can do for my fellow-men, let me do it now.
Ret me not neglect defer it, for shall not
pass this way again"
a lady, regular shopper, who had made an
unfortunate clerk tumble over all the stockings
ID the store, objected, as none werefong enough.
81 want the longest hose that are made," she
said. "Then. madam, you had better make
Inquiries ut the next engine house"
"My dear madam" said dentist, ''if-you
kept your teeth clean you would have less
toothache." ''But, doctor, they say that wash
ing teeth wears them out" - Good gracious,
madam exclaimed the Mortified tooth carpen-
ter 81 hope yo1t don't think that way when
anything ails your feet"
An Englishman, travelling in Kilkenny, came
to a ford, and hired boat to take him across
The water being more agitated than was agree
able to him, he asked the boatman if any per-
son was ever lost in tho. passage, Never"
replied=Pat, Fmy brother drowned here
last week, but we found him the next day"
At Erie, Pa, the other day, woman entered
dry goods store and asked to see some
ffmoIrning stuff" The clerk asked how the
Released was related to her, she replied, =" The