The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1870-07-15

L dlld4lbs hlOACONNbs 49," |
tutive and it is mainly upon intuition wo-
men pride themselves that they scent
danger from afar. They are not altogether
TO be blamed for this for, from time I'M
mortal st. Pauls remark about the prop
riety of their asking their husbands about
ANYTHING they don't understand has been
dinged into their ears, and they have con-
tracted an evil habit OF not telling a man
that is. an official man who comes to them
with an odious book in which he puts down
all that they say-that they are In fear and
trembling, and iustered beyond reason
when asked how old they are, what are
their names, who are their husbands, and
A thousand other impertinent queries which
nobody but q designing person would ever
think of asking.
A ring at the bell. ''Mary, 1 wish you'd
90 to the door. I'm doing up my hair, and
goodness only knows where my net is
Go and see who it is" Exit Mary, who
trips down stairs, prinking herself, an
seeing that her dress is arranged nicely.
She opens the door, and there stands a
man witha book. 1t is a man, and SO
Mary is willing to have a little chatf with
him.
''Good day, sir"
GOOD day. viii you tell me who lives
here?"
s'Mrs. Brown"
f.Does she spell it with an E2"
80 dear, no sir; some of her relations
does, but she doesn't put On airs. She
spells it plain, Mrs. Brown, Brown
Mrs. Elizabeth Cady Brown"
'sWhat is her husbands name?"
stWhy, Mr.. Brown, of course"
eyes. I know; but what is his first
name2'
'Peter-Peter Brown"
"What is his business?"
'FWait a minute; I'll get you n of his
circulars-he's wholesale and retail CLOTH
Ter. I guess you want some clothes-look
as though you did" Exit Mary, who trips
up stairs, revealing a slipshod heel in her
fight, and waiting for no reply. Presently
she returns with Mrs. Brown-who has
done up her hair but forgotten to attend to
the beauty of her feet-at her heels. Mrs.
Brown knows the official face and book,
and is instantly on her guard.
Mrs. Brown ~lOquitUT-"What doyou wish,
sir?"
81 am taking the census"
80, yes: census-taker, to be sure. Him
as puts down in q book everything yousay,
and then sends it on to Washington, and
then laws only knows whaLIl happen to
you"
ePshawI some folks seem to think that
if their names go down IN this book they
will be hanged or have something else hap
pen to :hem. What is your husbands bust
ness?"
"Well, he calls himself a wholesale and
retail clothier; but he amt; he's only a
tailor"
swell, then, he's a tailor"
tsWeI, I don't know. Seem your goin
to put it in a book, Iguess you'd better call
him a wholesale and retail clothier. That's
what he says he is, and here's his circular.
Folks put on airs sometimes, and if Mrs.
Robinson calls her husband a hair-dresser
when he's only a barber, Iguess I can call
Pete a clothier."
Your husbands name is Peter Brown
and he's a clothier. All right. How old is
he?'
Hell be ftty-six next January, the
baldheaded old goose says he's only forty,
and there's that hussy of a Susan Jane
Green as lives around the corner"
Eyes, yes, ] see fifty-six. Where was
he born?'
'In the Isle of Man he used to have a
sign with three legs on it, when he kept in
the basement. If you'll come upstairs I'll
show it to you"
s'Thank you; but it isn't necessary. How
many children have your"
"Well, there's Mary, my eldest; and
there's Peter, him as WAS named after his
father; and George Wilkinson, him as was
named after old Mrs. Wilkinson, because
Peter thought she'd leave him some money,
but she didn't, but left it all to the Home
| e. Do-k1cA VUonAararc. DhToh a met lilo
her, with her pretences, and her always a.
knitting stockings for the poor; precious
little they ever got OF them, goodness
knows, for she used to Eeil EN- and buy
snuff with the money: and Lalways thought
she ate opium too, and whisky, for l used
to smell 'em on her, the ~hypocritical old
pest to society, as she was, and everybody
knew it, only Pete he says: ITS best TO
make believe we're Baptists; but We amt,
with their old duckin' and plungin' and
thinking they can wash away original sin,
when it say: 'sNor h~yssop-branch, nor
sprinklin' priest' -leastways, Idon'tmean
that, for that's against sprInklin', but it is
wrote
Eyes, yes, know, hut how about the
children?"
e'Well amt l tryin' to tell you? There's
Mary, and George Wilkiuson-blame the
snuffy old thing with her oPiumi-and Au-
gustus John: which was ull his fathers
putin on airs cause there amt no Angus
tus in has family and nowhere else as l
knows on, and Sarah as is all the time
wantin' me to buy iquorice to make liquo-
rice water in a pesky old castor oil bOtt g
and spill it all over her dress. / have to
change her apron every five minutes, 1 do
believe, and I've got to make her two more
right of, or she won't have a rag to her
back, with her traipsin' over the floor and
her nasty Iiquorice water, which she won't
gave me a minutes peace If don't get II
for her, and she rubs it all over the baby's
face till l feel Just like flynn. And there's
Bob, as his father wants to be a politician
when he gets a little older, but, good grsc.
ious says !, Peter, do you want the little
boy to be a fool? But he's smart, for he
steals my curl paper, and gets Mary to
make b'lieve they're votes, and then give
him peppermint-drops for putin them in
the bureau that he says is the polls. And
there's nay precious little hootsy-tootsy and
her name is Elizabeth Csdy Brown, which
is after me. And that's all"
Eyes, ma'am, and, as near as l can make
out you nave eleven children"
ssBless tie man! What does he take me
for? Its only seven"
s'Thank you. Have you any boardersg'
'tBoardersI Just ONE down stairs,
once, and look at the pile of hash Mary's
a poundin' an has been all the mornln' and
YOU won't ask such a question again in one
while. Boarders, indeed. Forty-leYen OF
them"
80, dear, / was afraid-so. Begin with
the youngest and 60 up. Please talk
more than is necessary"
sJoannah Mary Dodd, she's my young
est. and Mr.. Maxenstrakotoseh, he's my
oldest. Therei Inope your satisfied"
M Nh o,o&-o LOkooah9u