The weekly clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1863-1882, 1870-07-07


Apropos Of the present excitement about
the s.ClOg ordinance Mark Twain has pre-
sented the following Indictment:
When Noah disembarked at Ararat he had
scarcely touched the pier he proceeded to
tally his passengers. He had just checked
his last item on the list-a Mr.. and Mrs. Bed
bug-when the criBgiug figure Of quadru-
ped came sneaking down the gang plank
with his tail between his legs. SDrar il, if
| there amt that yaller dogrr says Noah, aim
ing vicious Kick with his brogan at the
brute. But, with facility born oflong and
bitter experience. the brute lodged the pro-
| jectile. and calculating 'ki-yi> which is
Syriac tor declined with thanks or mot
| for 10" he disappeared, while Noah, who
had his sea legs on. was unable to recover
| his equilibrium, and sat down with empha-
| sis on the back of his head.
Noah arose. and in accordance with the
| style prevalent among the parriarchs, he
proceeded to soothe his affronCed digaity by
| pronouncing a variagated anathema upon
the WALLER dog, which had enthusiastically
sneaked Enobserved on board, in the eonfu-
sion of putting to sea, and capsized the cap
| tain at the first port He crushed that dog
! in body, limb, bark, hide, hair, tail
and wag, and all his generations, relations,
| and kindred. by consequently, or af-
finity. and his heirs and assigns. He ours
| ed him with endless hunger, with perpetual
| fear, with perennial laziness, with hopeless
mango, with incessant fleas. and with his
tail between his legs. He closed his stock
of maledictions by a sparkling display of
| pyrotechnics, from the demoraliZing effect
Of which the yaller dog has never recover
ed.
| With this curse sticking to him like a
revenue stamp the yaller dog can't help be-
| ing ''cussed." He don't try to help it, He
| follows Noah's programme with sneaking
| fidelity. He is an Ishmaelite among dogs
He receives the most oppressive cOurtesies
in the form of brickbats, boots and hot
weather, which make his life an animated
target excursion. He boards around like a
district school teacher, and il is his meal
time with him twenty-four hours in the day.
The rest of the time he had bankers after
something to eat. He is too omniVerous for
an epicure. Cram him at DelmOnico's and
he would hunger for desert from an Albany
boarding house.
He can't be utilized. He is too tired. AS
a small-cart locomotive, a hunter or q sem
tinel he is an ignominious failure. The dog
churn was a strategic attempt TO employ his
waste energies, but he hadn't any waste en-
ergies, and butter had too much self-respect
to "cOme" at his persuasion. So the dog
clIurn was dropped.
No sausage-maker dare foreclose his lien
on the waller dog, lest his customers-no
longer ''soothed and sustained by an unfalt-
ering trust"-Uransfer their patronage to
some less audacious dealer. The saVages
who desire baked dog, and who can even at
tack tripe and explore the mysteries of hash
without dismay, acknowledge the yaller
dog to be too much for their gastric intre-
pidity.
He always manages to belong to ragged,
tobacco-chewing, whisky drinking master,
whose business is swapping dogs and evad-
ing the dog tax. The yaller dog is acquaint-
ed with himself and he enjoys the intimacy
with edifying contempt. He sinks along
through life, on diagonal dog-tro a if in
doubt as to which end of him is entitled to
the precedence.
He is always pervaded by hang-dog sense
of guilt, and when retributiVe tinWare is
fastened to bis tail he '.flees from the wrath
to come" with a Mortified CELEBRITY which
ought to be very suggestive to two-legged
sinners of a similar ordeal in store for MIN. |
The paller dog is-well to speak in ital- |
les, he is SLOUGH.