The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1870-09-09
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

A Night Cliarge-A squalling baby.
< Observation-Disclosures suf-
frage. #-.
The man who had no music in his
sole wore seasoned leather.
I'll. take the shine out of You" as
the eclipse said to the moon
A woman's heart is like a fiddle; it
requires a bow to play uponit
A Sell-Having to pay after your
boots have been sold. CO.,
Stepping stones to advancement in
life-Pavements.
What sort of leggings would you
explore the Nile with? Alli-galtars.
The man who was looking for a
station in life has found one--a police
station,
A bachelor friend says that he dis
likes young married couples, "because
they are apt to give themselves heirs"
If tailor agrees to put braid on
coat, does he always consider the
agreement binding?
"Mary, my love, this apple dump
ling is not half DONE" We'll, finish
it then, my DEAR"
When is a scolding woman most Of
fence.ive?f When she's deaf as a post
and rails.
An Iowa girl wants to die but she
prefers to be smothered to death with
kisses. ..ffr.4r..
Every plain girl has one consolation,
though not pretty young lady she
will, if she lives, be pretty old one.
Why are Chickens liberal? Be-
cause they give peck when they take
grain.
Who smoked the first pipe? Pro-
metheus, when he stole the fire from
heaven to light his clay.
1t must be happy thought to low
err that his blood and that of his sweet
heart mingle in the same Mosquito.
Can any civil engineer inform us
how it is that the mouths Of rivers
are larger than their heads?
"If all the world were blind, what
a melancholy sight it would be-" said
an Irish clergyman to his congrcga-
ton. p NfbEI ..
| A WILD IMAGINATION" do not
saw remarked Mrs. Brown, "that
Jones is a thief; but l do say that if
his farm Joined mine l would not try
to keep sheep -'
What is the difference between a
railway train and suspending bank
In one case the break causes the stop
page: in the other the stoppagc cau-
ses the break.
A Bachelor sea captain, who was
remarking one day that he wanted a
good chief officer, was promptly in
formed by young lady that she had
no objections to being his first mate.
He took the hint, and the lady.
A tiresome talker once said TO a
public man he had incontinently Dor
ed: t.tt. '.H-- -
"An oyster pleasant to cat, though
repulsive to look at"
"Yes, but then he knows when to
shut up" was the reply.
A woman is like ivy-thc more you
are ruined tic closer she clirgs to you.
| A vile old bachelor adds:
"Ivy is like woman; the more il
clings to YOU the more you are ruined
Poor rule that won't work both
ways.
Lady Beaulicu was complaining OF
| IL Il, I'm, tl,n ,,.frl,t
Her lord, an Irishman, replied:
"0h, for my part, there's no dis
turbing me; if they don't wake me
before I goto sleep, there's no waking
me afterwards" ..
| One day in June, a neighbor met al
old man, and remarked that it wa:
very hot. YES" said Joe if il
wasn't for one thing should say We
were going to have a thaw."
whats that 2" inquired the friend
"There's nothing froze," said Joe.
A California Chinaman, having
been shown by his mistress how t.
make pudding containing three eggs
but having seen her throw one bat
egg away, continued for months after
whenever he made the pudding, t
use four eggs, regularly breaking
examining, and throwing ore away
as he had seen her do.
j An orator appealing to the "bon'
and sinew," said:
my friends, | am proud TO se'
J around me the hardy ycomanry of thu
land, for love the agricultural inter
: csts of the country; and well may
love them, fellow citizens, for | wa
born farmer; the happiest days o
my youth were spent in the peaceful
avocation of son of the soil. In fact
to speak fguratively, may say l wa.
born between two rows of ccrn!"
"a pumpkin, by thunder" ex
claimed an inebriatcd chap in front o
the stage.