Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1870-07-14
How Mark Twain Once Edited an Agri-
cultural Paper.

inos. Neither would q lAndsman take
command Of 9 ship without misgfv1ngs.
| But / was In circumstances hat made the
salary an object. The regular editor OF
the naper was going off for q holiday,
| and ( accepted the terms he offered, and
The Sensation of being at work again
was luxurious, and I wrought all the week
with u~nhagged pleasure. We went 10
press, and / waited q day with some So
iicitude to see whether my e1oTt was
| Going to attract any notice. As l left the
Office. toward shutdown, q group of men
and bows at the foot of the stairs dispersed
with one impulse, and gave me passage
wav. and I heard one of them say
%That's himr" I was naturally pleased
by this incident. The mex morning I
found q similar group at the foot of the
stairs, and scattering couples and individ-
uals standing here and there in the
street, and over the way, watching me
with interest. The group separated n
fell back as I approached, and l heard q
man say: "Look at his eyer l pre-
tended not to observe the notice I was at
tracing, but secretly I was pleased with
it, and was purposing to write an account
fight of stairs, and heard CHEEKY voices
and a ringing laugh as 1 drew near the
door, which I opened, u caught q
glimpse of two young r~ural-looking men,
whose faces blanched and heightened
when they saw me, and then they both
plunged through the window with a
great crash. 1 was surprised.
In about half an hour an old gentleman,
with q flowing beard and a fine but rather
austere face, entered, and sat down at my
invitation. He seemed to have something
on his mind. He took of his hat and set
it on the floor, and got out of it q red silk
handkerchief and q copy of our paper.
| NJ @,,k Aho nm hfo Ian and while he
polished his spectacles with his handker-
chief, he said:
care you the new editor ?"
/ said l was.
"Have you ever edited an agricultural
paper before ?"
6No," I said; " this is my first attempt"
every likely. Have you had any ex-
p~erfence in agriculture, practicaIyf"
"No, 1 believe I nave not"
"Some instinct told me So" said the old
gentleman, putting on his spectacles ano
looking over them at me with asperity
while he folded his paper into a conven
lent shape. az wish to read you whai
, must nave made me have that instinct
1t was this editorial Listen, and see If il
r was you that wrote it:
"Turnips should never be puIed-it iajuTe
him shake the tree.
f SNOW, what do you think of that p
for I really suppose you wrote tr
"Think of itf" Why I think il is good
I think it is sense. I have no doubt that
every year, millions and millions of bush
els of turnips are spoiled in this township
alone by being pulled in q haE-ripecondi
g ton, when, if they had sent q boy up t.
D shake a tree"
? "Shake your grandmother Turnip
i don't grow or trees"
"Oh, they don't, don'ttheyf Well, VIII
q said they didf The language was intendet
y - - G-,r,k;1a -rHl11~ GDuPoffua nv
/ body, that knows anything, will know
that 1 meant that the boy should shak'
: the vine"
Then the old person got up and tor
his pap all into small shreds, ant
stamped on them, and broke several thing
q with his cane, and said I did not know
q as much as q cow; and then went out
; and banged the door after him, and, il
short acted in such a way that l fancieI
he was displeased about something. But
not knowing what the. trouble was,
could not be any help to him
1t Pretty soon after this q long, cadaver
GUS creature, with lanky locks hanginI
is down to his shoulders and q weeks stub
BILE bristIing from the hills and valleys @
ID his face, darted within the door, an,
halted, motionfess, with finger on lip, an,
head and body bent in listening attitude
- No sound was heard. Still he listened
~ No sound. Then he turned the key i
az the door, and came deliberately tip-toein
IN toward me, till he was within long reach
ing distance of me, when he stopped, and
after scanning my face with intense In
terest for a while, drew a folded copy @
our paper from his bosom, and said
"There-you wrote that. Read it t
= me, quickl Relieve mel suffer-"
= read as folloWs-and as the sentence
= fell from my lips I could see the relic
!, come-I could see drawn muscles relaI
~ | n-1 Nkn oT~iof~ W ont IF tho fonn nv
J. rest and peace steal over the features lik
- the mercifl moonlight rel a desolat
"a landscape
IT guano is a fine bird, but great care Is ne
D. essary m rearing it. It should not be importe
- the winter it should be kept in q warm plac
10 where it can hatch out Its young.
season for grain. Therefore, it viii be wei f
the farmer TO be setting out his corn-stalks al
=, planting his cakes in July instead
homecoming the Pumpkin.-This berry ia a +
England, Who prefer It 20 the goosebeTry for d
ar making Of fruit cake, and who likewise give 1t Il
!e BB eiiIsFe more SS Ming me a TaddPfS 9ny i 20 i ssslafyiGS 2 n
pumpkin is the only esculent Of the orange fami
, one or two varieties Of the squash. But the Gu
tom Of planting it in the front yard with the shru
d orally conceded that the pumpkin, as a shade ire
is a failure.
the ganders begin to spawn"
o The excited listener sprang toward m
to shake hands, and said:
" "There, there-that will dol / know
am all right now, because you have rea
. it just as I did, word for word. Blu
stranger, when I first read it this NOR
ing, 1 said to myself, L never, never b
8 lieVed it before, Notwithstanding m
l. friends kept me under watch SO strict, bl
ts now I believe I IN crazy and with tn,
s. 1 fetched a howl that you might hav
a heard two miles, and started out to ki
D. somebody,-because, you know, I kne'
m it would come to hat sooner or later, an
to SO 1 might as well begin. 1 read one
a them paragraphs over again, so as to /
a certain, and then I burned my house dow
e. and started. 1 have crippled several pc,
ne pie, and have got one fellow up a tire
Is where l can get him if I want him. Bl
IN l thought l would call in here as 1 passe
OF along, and make the thing perfectly ce
I'D tain; and now it is certain, and I tell yo
it is lucky for the chap that is in the tire
I should have killed him, sure, as 1 wei
e. back. Good-by, sir, good by-you ha,
be taken a great load of my mind. Ny re
Up son has stood the strain of one of yol