The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-12-15
Mark Twain's Report Of the Pro.
ceedings OF the Farmers Club.

EX-CONSTABLE QUINN desired the cluD
to inform him how to make hogs root.
DR.. Slow had been practical farmer for
the last six weeks, and in all the varied
agricultural experience no such article as
hOg's-rOOt had ever come under his notice.
What was it, Was it edible? Was 1t
useful i'm anv way? or was it, as he more
than suspe cted, another worthless humbug
devised by the sharpers to defraud us
practical farmers? He knew not whether
it W. ; prOpagatel by seeds, or by cuttings,
bat he would advise Mr. Quinn to be shy
of hOg's-root, especially if it was new
tangled or high priced tuber
Mr. Moker the agricultural writer, ex-
planned the anatomy of the hog proboscls
Ii is designed for subterrancan toraglng
by a process vulgarly called roofing, to
which Mr.. Ouinn's inquiry probably
referred. Being a delicate organ, it is
liable to injury. He would recommend
that Mr.. Quinn wipe his hogs nose. Ii he
finds it red, h may be sure 1t IS tender and
needs protection by metallic shield
Some resort to the strategic device OF IN
serting q wire ring i'll the hogs nose, IN
his efforts to remove which he would
naturally thrust his snOut into the soil, and
thus root unwittingly. That was playing
il rather low on the, hog, and the metallic
SIlclu WIS dblC Oll biAC SNOAN "a A''ii
dealing and philanthropy.
Mr.. Greeley exhibited pumpkin of his
own raising. As irembodied his solitary
and crowning success, after several years
of discOuraging failure in pumpkin Gull
I ture. the club surrounded it with uncover
/ ed heads and mingled emotions of surprise,
/ admiration end envy. 1t was SUPERB
/ fruit. and when Mr.. c. s hat was placed on
/ Il, TO illustrate its size and symmetry, the
hat and pumpkin seemed 50 perfectly
adapted to each other and together pro-
duced an effect so startling, that several en-
thusiastic members swOre they would have
known who raised that pumpkin If they
had seer it anywhere. 1t is 20 be photo
graphed by Quincy, and next years I11d-
I une subscribers will receive copies. The
pumpkin was the iiattering product OF one
bushel of seed planted on the farm in Cham
pagna Soon after blOssOming the vine
manifested an inclination to withcr. 1t was
thcreupon transplanted to a large flower
pot and removed to the town residence OF
its founder For some time 1t pined and
dropped, and they sat up nights with it, eX-
pecting that every moment would be It's
last, but every moment turned out not TO be
its last, and with careful nursing it finally
rallied and came up TO maturity, as cherish
DR.. Sixhammers suggested that the re-
suit of Mr. G's indomiiable struggle with
this pumpkin showed how every city f;irni-
ly could provide itself with pumpkinpie.
He hoped 10 see the day when every Win
dow-sill, in every city, would be adorned
with fructifying pumpkin-pots, and every
workman's cottage uncovered in pump
kin-vines.
Thomas Dodl. Of New Hampshire,
writes to the club that he is fifty years old,
intirm with consumption, has large fam
lily, ten dollars in money, and wants to
know what to do
Mr.. Moker-Go ont TO Greeley Colony
and invest in our irrieating ditch.
Mr. Layman-Buy Texas rancho or Il
Florida orange grove.
DR. Sumble-His health requires light
farming in a bracing climate. Let him
start an indigo plantation in Alaska.
Mr.. Greeley He mustn't come to New
York His $40 wouldn't last a year; but
out West he can invest it and grow up
with the country. If had gone West
with sic at his age | Should be a happy
man now, with two suits of respectable
garments, an office, and conscience guilt
less of distTacting tariff and farming es-
says.
Mr.. Herrings invited the club 10 visit
his farm, thirty miles up the river, next
Wednesday, and inspect a horse radish
that he had persuaded to vegctate. The
ground was titled, sub soi!cd, and top
dressed. He had expended upon that
plant only half ton of bone dust, one
cart load Of ashes and barrel of guano
yet in spite of his neglect, it had within a
year grown to the size of his little finger
His foreman would explain to the clerk
the peculiar difficulty OF raising this rare
exotic. He would treat the club to a reg
ular farmers dinner, the materials toI
which he had already engaged at the city
markets.
The club accepted and adjourned
Buffalo Express.