The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1870-08-12

A fol and sl. hair ~. soon parted.

A fool and bis hair Are soon parted.
Catching dies In church Is strictly forbidden
aLima, Ohio. -.,1. 70 -.-...
An Irishman challenged to fight duel de-
clinei on the plea that he did not wish TO leave
his mother an orphan.
Isaac In Abraham's hands was said to be
like piece Of auction goods, because he was
offered at sacrifice.
Gan Francisco has le,ter-carriers, but the
dogs In front door yards are 80 eIcitable they
ant deliver many letters. s...f
A man and his wife recently celebrated their
silver welding. A week later they qusrrele'i
oycr tho presents they hal received. and the
husband applied for divorce.
A gentleman in Indiana says In q note &C
compsnyipg letter TOR publication In the Louis
vile journal I" sumtimes miss-spell word,
and its possible have spelt sicsfant rsng."
Times are 80 hard in Wisconsin that an edi-
tor nj Brandon has had three teeth extracted
lie didn't have use for 80 many. Many people
there live by chewing gum.
Al iniudicious New Orleans man attacked
a steamers cook. and was rolled out 80 thin by
the latier's rolling-pin that he viii never fight
any more. r 49,.
A self-stylei clergyman 10 badly victimiIing
the people Of New Jersey. He travels from
one town To another, gets married every few
days and enjoys himself generally.
..Ah, my dear fellow" said an old gentle
man once 10 a friend, az am quite weak and
broken down with age. used to walk around
the park every day; bat nowl can only walk
half way round and back again"
A leading physician in Paris, after asking q
patient the questions according to formula, as
10 sleeping and eating, next demands what
newspaper he reads. II the patient be nervous
or exeitable, the mildest and dullest Journal is
prescribed.
Small boy to his paternal progenitor-"Dad,
you always act 50 strange" "Why, BLY,
.Cos, whenever ma get sick you always have
to fetch baby here to squall round and make
such noise"
An individual. TO be fine gentleman, has
either got to be born 50, or brought up 80 from
infancy he can't learn u sudden. and more
than he can learn to talk lnjin correctly by
practising with tomahawk.
An old farmer said to his sons "Boys, don't
YOU ever spekerlate, or wait for sunthin to turn
up. You might jest well 20 an sit down
on stone in the middle Of . meddsr, with \
pail atwixt your legs, and wait for q COW to
back up TO you TO be MIXED"
One Of the best things Colonel X, tell at his
own expense. lie remarked Of Colonel n.
VIII had served in the same command al new
.r heard Of his doing anything but going
around the camp and cussin' me" "Thats
the first time have ever heard" said Brom-
ley. .'that he was Of any service to his coun-
try" Hr.
Western papers having positively asserted
that Mr.. Simmons was kill by moving ma
chine, his bereayed widow comes out in card
demanding a retrsction, rs ''the hmented MIR.
s. met his death while repairing the hog-pen,
and do not wish 4 false impression to 60
abroad"
There il boy in New York State who Is an
excellent item furnisher. He recently looked
into cannon as another boy touched IL of,
and as soon as he got over this sufficiently to
he drew cork with pin in il down his throat
with o bow gun. Two physicians extracted
the cork after twenty-four hours work.
At one Of the stations en- n certain railway.
recently. an anxious inquirer came up the door
Of the baggage car and said, "Is there any
thing for me 20 After some search among boxes
and trunks. the baggage master rolled out
keg Of whiskey. Anything moref" asked
the wet grocer. EYES," said the baggago-msn,
there's grayestone that goes with that
liquor" The countenance Of the wet grocer
assumed a wraihy appearance, and the door
shut with q slam.