Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1870-10-01
GATHERINGS by THE wAYsIDE.

1t was woman who first prompted man to
cat, but he took to drink on his own account
Afterwards.
Beecher says n " Congregationalist is a dry
Baptist, and Baptist is wet Congregation
alst."
What's the difference between a chilly man
and a hot dog? One wears great coat and
the other pants.
widower was recently rejected by dam
sci who didn't want affection that had been
~ warmed over"
An English wag says we ought never to be
frightened at the arrival of a ghost, because it
is quite immatcrial.
"Pa." said little friend Of ours, "what's Q
the use of giving our little pigs SO much milk :
They only make hogs Of themselves"
Tommy, you're pig" said father to his
little boy. Now do you know what pig is,
Tommy" AYES, pa pig is hogs little
boy"
A loving wife at Long Branch said: " TIE
horrid surf makes me keep my mouth shut"
Sarcastic husband" Take some OF it home
with you"
The following is a veritablc transcript from
the record Of will admitted to probate in the
State of New York 81 bcqueath my body to
the grave, my soul 10 its Maker, aud the re-
mainder Of my properly to my wife,
The lady principal Of a school, in her adver-
tiscmcnt mentioned her female assistant, and
the "reputation for teaching which she bears"
but the printer-carcless feliow--left out the
which," s. the advertisement went forth,
commenting the lady's reputation for teach
ing she bears
Military men have discovered a new remedy
for intoxication. which we believe, is not
down in the books" II is nothing more
fat a. oh cuf mn in sli ire
and eaten without salt. An ordinary /" muir
phy," il is said, will cure the most obstinate
case in half an hour.
An enterprising husband in Minnesota ad-
vertiscs his wife for sale. lie warrants her to
be gentle affectionate and devoted, and claims
for her knowledge of human nature which he
does not himself possess. In short, he thinks
she knows too much to suit him, and he would
like to find man Of better eduration who
would be willing to marry her after she had
been divorced.
A crowd gathered at the Piqua (Ohio) rail-
road station, the other day. to see Gen. Grant.
As the train was moving of, an old gentleman
asked, ".Who did they say that fellow is?"-
"That is General Grant, our President
"Oh 1" said the old fellow, ait is, is itf Well,
straR ger, you see, I'm not about town much, !,
aad don't pay much atteatiou to the uewspa-
psrs, and know bat little about things. What
might his politics be p
The hot weather has produced some tall sto.
ries; this is one Of them: by singular CO.
incidence, a pair Of egg merchants At Independ-
enc, Iowa, last week, unintentiOnally became
ponl crers on a large scale. The porter sud.
90 y heard noise In the store room, where
the . were $1,000 dozen Of eggs packed
away, preparatory to being shipped East, and
on going to see what was the matter, found
12O,O 900 chickens running about the loor.-
They had been hatched by the heat"
The editor Of the Sioux City Journal has
seen the petrefaction Of portion Of cedar
tree and y turtle from the bad Lands" OF
Dakota. He learns that birds flying over these
lands Hall aad arc petrifed, and that Indians
who attempt to explore them never returned to
tell their expesience-ail pstri6ed, |: 10 sup
posed. Why wouids that be good reserva-
. tion to set on for turbulent Indians? They
the JOB BY petryiug the whole Of them.
N. p. Willis, if We remember tight, wrote
this description Of hot day, the .trstb oi
which some have had vivid experiences of the
past season 3" The pavements are oil hissfnR
hot, the sky aboye 10 bTaxen, and every head
as good as dead, the sun can Get his rays on
the lean. lank-looking skeletons, 60 stalking,
pale and gloomy the fat, like red-hot frying
pans, send hotter fancies through me. I wake
from dreams Of polar ice GA which I've been a
slider, like fishes dreaming Of the sea and va
king in spider.
Two men passing out of town on the Calves.
ton road were struck by the beauties Of Law.
renee.
Whose place is that?'' said one Of them.
q That is the lordly residence Of Major Gen.
A. Reynolds. Cost $40, ,OOO."
"What is his business?'
Indian Agent"
"Whst is his salary and how long has he
held the Officer
"Two ears, at fifteen hundred dollars q
year.
,.9 '.Lord what did the honest fellow do with
the rest of his salsry?"
"Started his brother and two other honest
men in the newspaper business to deuouucs
cnrrunIinn u