The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-01-21
SAM WELLER TELLS A STORY.

Il Il
1t seems that the housekeeper and the
two Mr.. Wellers were no sooner left to-
gether on the occasion of their first be-
coming acquainted, than the housekeep-
er called to her assistance Mr.. Slithers,
the barber, who had been lurking in the
kitchen in expectation of her summons;
and with many smiles and much sweet
ness introduced him as one who would
assist her in the responsible office of en-
tertaining her distinguished visitors.
Indeed" said she, 'FWithout Mr..
Smithers 1 should have been placed in
quite an awkward situation"
There is no call for any hook 'erdness,
mum" said Mr.. Weller, with the utmost
politeness mo call wotsumever. A
about him with the air of one who es-
tablishes an incontrovertible position
"a lady can't be hock'ered. Nature has
otherwise purwided."
The housekeeper inclined her head
and smiled vet more sweetly. The bar
| Der, who has been fiuttering about Mr..
Weller and Sam in a state of great anx-
| iety to improve their acquaintance, rub
| bed his hands and cried "Hear, hear
Very true, sir;" whereupon Sam turned
about and steadily regarded him for
some seconds III silence.
81 never knew" said Sam, fixing his
eyes in a ruminatiye manner upon the
blushing barber, 81 never knew but vun
o. your trade, but he wos worth dozen
and wos indeed devoted to his callin' 2
''Was he IN the easy shaving way, sir,
| inquired Mr.. Slithers cor in the cutting
and curling line 2"
"Both," replied Sam; ''easy Shawn
was his natur', and cuttin' and curtin
was his pride and glory. His whole dc,
light wos in his trade. He spent all his
money in bears, and run in debt for EN-
besides, and there they wos growing
away down in the front cellar all day
long, and Intellectually crashing theii
teeth, vile the grease O. their relations
and friends wos being re-tailed in GALL
pots in the shop above, and the frs
| floor winder wos ornamented With theiI
heads; not to speak O. the dreadful az.
grawation it must have been to 'em tt
see man always walkin' up and down
the pavement outside, With the portrait
of bear in his last agonies, and under
meath in large letters, another fine ami
NAL was slaughtered yesterday at Jink.
inson'sP Hows'ever, there JinkinsOT
wos, till he wos took very i'll with some
inn'ard disorder, lost the use of his legs
and wos confined TO his bed we're he laiC
q very long time, but sich was his pride
in his profession even then, that wenev.
er he wos worse than usual the doctor
used to go down stairs and say, Jinkin
| sons VERY low this mornin' !; we mus
give the bears STIR and as sure as ever
they stirred 'em up bit and made 'en
roar, Jinkinson opens his eyes if he woi
ever so bad, calls out, There's the bears
and rewives agin."
astonishing cried the barber.
''Not bit" said Sam, ''human natur
neat as imported. Vun day the doctor
happening to say, Il shall look in al
usual tomorrow mornin,' JinkinsoI
catches hold of his hand and says, 'wil
you grant me one favorP 4 will, jim
kinsOn,' says the doctor. Then doctor,
says Jinkinson, win You come unshave(
doctor. God bless you,' says Jinkin
son. Next day the doctor came, and az
ter he'd been shaved all skilful and reg
lar, he says, 'Jinkinson,' he says, it'
very plain this does you coed. Now.
he says, I've got coachman as has go
beard that it nd warm your heart t,
work OH, and though the footman, h
says, hasn't got much of q beard, sti
he's trying it on With pair o visker
to that extent that raZors is Christian
charity. Ifthey take it in turns to mins
the carriage wen it's waitin' below, III
SAYS, 'wot's to hinder you from operatin
on both of 'em ev'ry day as well as upol
me? you've got six children, he says
'wot's to hinder you from Shawn al
their heads and keepin' 'em shaved
you've got two assistants in the sho]
down stairs, wot's to hinder you from
cuttin' and curlin' them as often as yo
like? Do this he says, and you're
man agin.' Jinkinson squeedged tn
doctors hand and begun that very day
he kept his tools upon the bed, and wen
ever he felt hiszseif gettin' worse, h
turned to at vun O. the children who wo
runnin' about the house With heads lik
clean Dutch cheeses, and shaved hin
agin. Vun day the lawyer come t
make his will /; all the time he wos tax
in it down, Jinkinson was secretly
clippin' away at his hair With large pal
of scissors. 'Wot's that 'ere snippiT
noise 2 says the lawyer every now an
then it's like man havin his hair cut
1T Is VERY like a man havin' his hal
cut says poor Jinkinson, hidin' tn
scissors, and lookin' quite innocent. B,
the time the lawyer found it out, he wa
very nearly bald. Jinkinson wos KEEP
alive in this way for a long time, but a
last vun day he has in all the childre
yum arter another, shaves each on 'eu
very clean, and gives him yum kiss O
the crown o. his head; then he has i
the two assistants, and arter cuttin' an,
curlin' of 'em in the first style of ele
gance, says he should like to hear tn
voice o. the greasiest bear, vich rekves
is immedetly complied with; then h
: says that he feels very happy in hi
mind and wishes to be left alone; an
then he dies, previously cuttin' his ow
hair and maxim one fiat curl in the wer
middle of his forehead"
This anecdote produced an extraordi
nary effect, not only upon Mr.. Slitheri
but upon the housekeeper also, VIII
evinced so much anxiety to please an
be'pIeased, that Mr.. Weller, with man
ner betokening some alarm, conveyed
whispered inquiry to his son whether h
had gone ''too fur"
"Wot do you mean by too fur?" dc
manded Sam.
"In that ERE little compliment respect
in the want of hock'erdness in ladies
Sammy, replied his father.
"You don't think she's fallen in low
with you in consekens O. that, do you
said Sam.
, 'tMore unlikelier things have come t
pass, my boy" replied Mr.. Weller in
hoarse whisper; "Pm always afeerd c
-. inadwertent captiwation, Sammy. If
know'd how to make myself ugly or uI
pleasant, I'd do it, SamiYel, rayther tina
live in this here state of perpetual ter
ror Pr From Dickens's Master HumpE
: rey's Clock, reprinted by Hurd an
Houghton.
COMPARATIVE VALUE OF HAY, COR
AND ROOTS.