The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1870-07-15

price $3.50 to $500, according +,
tho binding. Listen to me-. Lool
me in the eye. During the last foul
mont hs and half, saying nothing oI
sales before that, but just simply The
four months ending March Is, 1870.
we've sold ninety-6ve thousand cop.
les Of that book! Ninety-6ve thou.
sand! Think Of it. Average four
dollars . copy, say. It's nearly four
hundred thousand dollars, my son.
get half!' a a,qfs -'s-'. q,
''The suffering Moses! I'll set
that down. Fourten-seven-fifty eight
two handrcd. Total, say-well,
upon my word, tic grand total is
about two hundred and thirteen or
fourteen thousand dollars. Is that
posi- ble?" r.................
Possible! If there's any mis-
take it's the ether way. Two hund-
rcd and fourteen thousand, cash, is
my income this year if I know how
to CIPHER. '~....4. -, -...t
Then the gentleman got up to 20.
It came over me most uncomfortably
that maybe had made my revela-
tions for nothing, besides being fat
tered into stretching them considcra-
bly, in the strangers astonished cx-
clamations. But. no; at tho last
moment the gentleman handed me q
large envelope and said it contained
his advertisement; and that / would
find out all about his business in it !;
and that he would be happy to have
my custom-would in fact bs proud
to have the custom 'of . man Of such
prodigious income; and that he used
to think there were several wealthy
men in Buffalo, but when they came
to trade with him he discovered that
they barely had enough to live on;
and that in truth it had been such q
weary, weary age since he had seen
. rich man face to face, and talked
With him, and touched him with his
hands. that he could hardly refrain
from embracing me-in fact, would
esteem it great favor if I would let
him embrace me. @:..-
This so pleased me that I did not
try to resist, but allowed this simple
hearted stranger to throw his arms
about me and weep few tranqniliz.
ing tears down the back Of my neck.
then he went his way.
Az soon as he was gone I opened
his advertisement. I studied it at
tentively for four minutes. l then
called upon the cook and said:
Hold me while l faint. Let Ma
ria turn the batter cakes" g -a
By-and-by, when I came to, I sent
down to tho rum mill on the corner,
and hired an artist by the week to
sit up nights and curse that stranger
and give me q lift occasionally in the
day time when I came to . hard place.
Alb, what . miscreant he was! His
"advertisement' was nothing in tho
world but wicked tax-return-a string
of impertinent questions about my
private affairs, occupying the best
part Of four foolscap pages Of fine
print-questions. I may remark, got
ten up with such marvellous ingenui-
ty that tho oldest man in the world
couldn't understand what they were
driving at--questions, too. that would
make man report about four times
bis actual in come to keep from swear.
ing to a lie. l looked for loopbole,
but there did not appear to be any.
Inquiry No. l covered my case, as
generously and amply as an umbrel-
Ia could cover an ant hill: +I @s
What were your profits, in 1869,
from any trade. business or voca tion,
wherever carried on
And that inquiry was backed up
BY thirteen others of an equally
searching nature. the most modest Of
which required information % to
whether I had committed any burg
larry or highway robbery, or by any
arson or other secret source of cmol-
ument, bad acquired property which
was not enumerated in nay statement
Of income a. set opposite inquiry No.
l.
It was plain that the stranger had
enabled me to make an ass Of myself.
1t was very, very plain, and won't
out and hired another artist. BY
working on my vanity tho stranger
had seduced me into declaring an In
come of $214, 900. BY Law, one
thousand Of this was exempt from in
come tax-the only relief could see,
and it was only q drop in the ocean.
At the legal Eve per cant, l must pay
over to the government the appalling
sum Of ten thousand six hundred and
fifty dollars income tar.
I may remark in this place that I
did not do it.
lam acquainted with very opu-
lent man, whose house is palace,
whose table is regal, whose outlays
are enormous, yet man who has no
income, as have often noticed by the
revenue returns; and to him I went
for advice, in my distress. He took
my dreadful exhibition of receipts.
be put on his glasses. he took his pen,
and presto!-I was pauper! 1t
was the neatest thing that ever was.
He did it simply by defying and man
ipulatirg the bill of ''deduotions."
He set down my Estate. national,
and municipal taxes" at SO much:
my ''losses by ahipwrcok. FIRE etc."
at 80 much; my ''losses by sales Of