South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1870-07-15

y
to the Tadicals tDem poor white trash dat
now is runnin' arter the niggers vote would
skin him for his hide, and taller, if he
could make fppennybit of'Sf him. Decd
da would
EFJohn Bibbs fell in love with maid .
each night meath her window he stood, aud
there, with his soft serenade, he awake ned
the whole ncighbOrhood. But vainly he
tried TO arouse her from sleep with his
strains SO bewitchin'; while he played in
front of the house, she slept in toe little
back kitchen
GS We know minister who was gene
rally able to keep his congregation wide a
wake, but who, on ono occasion-it was
sultry summer day-obscrved mum bers of
them asleep. He resolved to Zip the evil
practice in the bud. SO taking good sur
vey of the scene before aud around him he
exclaimed, Il saw an advertisement last
week for five hundred sleepers for a railroad.
tdlnk L could supply it at least City, md
recommend them as good and sound 1t
is perhaps needless to add that The supply
ipst,ui'y vanished.
ES-A young lady aud gentleman dis.
putting upon subject, the lady teaderly
remarked:
sir, we can never agree in anything
you are wrong, madam, said he. If
you were to 60 into room in which thc,a
were two beds, woman in one and man
in the other, with whom would you sleep ?
with the woman, of course replied
she, emphatically.
$50 would l. replied the gentleman.
Ex5-A naval officer once appealed 'for
justice TO Commodore Decatur, alleging
that vile citizen had pulled bis nose aud
kicked him from one end of the Philadel.
phia Navy Yard to the other 'Aud is this
'vilc citizen yet livingY inquired, calmly,
the Commodore. Yes replied the sup
plicant, 'and if you will accompany me,
will point him OUT Il have already d;cta
ted request for your dismissa from the
navy said Decatur; 'and, upon inquiry,
if find the 'citizon' otherwise qualified, l
shall recommend him for your position
EgJimmy, my:boy, take these eggs 10
the store and if you can't get quarter
bring them back
The boy went DIS directed aud came back,
saying:
Father, it takes me to make a trade
They all wanted them at forty ceots, but |
screwed them down to twenty FIVE
Eg~Judge X. of North Carolina, is
great stick for forms. One day a soldier,
who had been battered considerably in the
war, was brought in as a witness. The
Judge told him to hold up his right hand.
Cant do it, SIR said the man.
'Why not?'
Got shot in that arm, SIR
Then hold up your left
The man said that he had got a shot in
that arm, too
Then said the Judge, sternly, you
must hold up your leg. No man can be
sworn, sir, in this court by law, unless be
holds up something
E1-A servant girl, who was sent day
or two ago to a druggist in New York, with
a request that he would give hec some cas-.
tor-oil disguised as much as possible was
asked by the druggist if she liked soda-wa-
ter, and replied in the affirmative. The
druggist thcrcupon gave her glass strong
~ favored with lemon, with much oil cast
upon the troubled waters. Noticing that
she fingered after receiving this, the drug
glst inquired the cause and was told that
she was waiting for the oil. Oh replied
the man Of drugs compacently, you have
taken that The startled woman gazod at
him in dismay moment and then exclaim-
ed, oh, murder, l wanted it for man
who is very sick
Henry WARD BEEcHER AND THE Con.
DUcroE.-The following good story is told
on Rev. Henry Ward Bcocher
II seems Beocber had observed tbo in
justice Of obligug men TO work on Sundays,
and preached q sermon ont. Next day he
entered into conversation with car. driver.
while riding to Fulton Ferry, and asked
him if he did not think that some pbn
might be adopted to dispense with the need
Of running the cars all day Sunday. The
driver, being entirely ignorant Of the nam
and nature Of his intorrogatiyo friend, made
frank reply:
Yes, sir; think there might But