The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1870-01-04

Josh Billings Papers His Views ON
Pittsburu.

soe" o'htH9s Fapere--His Views on
Pittsburg.
PITTsBURG. Pa, 1869.
10 ~ Editors Of the New York Weekly.
~ may be surprised to hear from me
AZ tina place, but there is no radikal
cause Of alarm.
am here on peaceful mission. hay-
ing been invited by the grand srmv Of
martyrs 70 read my lektnr on some nat
raj history. --
This lektur ov natral history Is a
piaintive biography. in which i treat tue
bugs, beasts, beastesses and little fishes.
as tho we had bin lifelong acauaintan-
ces. A warfant this lektur for 90 tlavs.
Pittsbnrg is located on the land side
OF the Ohio river, and kontains a pop-
ulation equal to its size.
To stranger the bizzness done here
would seem to be all smoke. but it is
really the most manufacturing place in
merika
The principal krop raised here, out of
the ground, is kole. The atmosphere is
composed Of oxigin and kole dust,
which gives the face of natur, and men
and lovely women brunette look. :.
The best steady buzziness for nu be-
ginner to go into here is the clothes
washing Dizziness, a common paper COL
lar haz tew be she'd four times day,
and even then show signs oph colour.
Pittsburg is celebrated for the wealth
and refinement of its inhabitants, and
the buty ov its wimmin sex. 1 saw
more pretty sex here in twenty minnits
than l ever did before in the whole ov
mi eventful life. If 1 was an inconsol-
able widdower. / should at once move
to Pittsbnrg and commence married life
agin. -
III was going tew live my life over
agin (Which I hay not yet decided to
do, should like tew hatch out a nu lex
tur on natral history. and read it for the
first time in Pittsburgh.
hav done good deal of lektrine
for the last few years (more perhaps
than has been helthy for mi final saliva
shun, but never lektured at an audi
ence in mi life where the whole conglom.
Grated mass seemed 10 look upon me as
their best friend SO much as they did
last night.
really thought I was in kamp
meeting, and had struck sum sudden
BILE.
Sum shouted, and sum cried, and
sum seized themself hi the hair of their
heads, and if hadn't have bin we'll
balanced man (Which q ttribut 70 part
ing my hair so much in the middle of
mi he'd should hav bin hove from mi
usual CENTER nd bin guilty of some one
sidedness, which might hav passed for
affecktashun.
There IL only one critter that affeck-
tashun liz handy and bekuming to, and
she IL kat.
/ hav known a kat tew klean the
kream all oph from the buzzum of pan
of milk, and then limp into the sitting
room on all four leggs and lay down in
the korner of the fireplace, SO melan-
kolly, as tho she hadn't friend on the
face of the earth. -
never knu kat to do a square thing
yet.
leave here in the morning for Wheel
ing, to read mi lektur surnamed Milk
From Wheeling wheel to Boston, the
kapital of Massachusetts, and the liter
airy amphitheater Of America.
The world duz move. not only on its
axes, but on its hinges, and doors are
being opened that were supposed tew be
locked and the key hove away forever.
begin tew think that the lion and
the lam may sum time hereafter lay
down together and rize separately. But
1 WOukOn auVlSC luc laul ~ w III LUZ
ry to try the experiment, for the lam can
afford to wait.
Philosophers have Deen puzzled to fix
an infallible test of drunkenness; but q
poet has come to the rescue, with the
following definition
Not drunk is he who from the floor
Can rise alone and still drink more;
But drunk is he that PROSTATE lies
Without the power to drink or RISE.