The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-04-07
Marriage.
BY JOSH KILLINGS.

Marriage is fair transaction on the face
ov it.
But there IL quite too often put-up jobs
in it.
1t is an old institushun, older than the
pyramids, and az phull ov hyerogliphics
that nobody can parse.
History holds its tongue who the pair
was who fust put on the silken harness,
and promised to work kind in it, thru
thick and thin, up hill and down, and on
the level, rain or shine, survive or perish,
sink or sA i'm, drown or float.
But whoever they waZ, they must have
made good thing out of 1t, or so meany
ov their posterity would net hav harnessed
up since and drove out.
Thare IL CRATE moral grip to mar
rage; it il the mortar that holds the
sooshul bricks together.
But there amt but few pholks who
put their money in matrimony who could
set down and give good written opinyun
viii on earth they cum to did 1T.
This IL a CRATE proof that it liz one Ov
them natral kind Ov acksidents that must
happen, jist az birds fly out ov the nest
when they hav feathers cDutf, without be-
ing able tew tell why.
Some marry for buty, and never dis
kover their mistake; this is lucky.
Sum marry for money, and don't see it.
Sum marry for pedigree, and feel big
for six months, ana then very sensiblv cum
tew the cOnclus on that pedigree amt no
better than skim milk
Sam marry bekawZe they have bin
highsted sum where else this liz cross
match, bay and sOrrel pride may
make it endurable.
Sum marry for love without cent in
their pocket, nor a friend in the world,
nor a drop ov pedigree This looks dcs-
perate, bit 1t IL the strength Of tie game.
If marrying for love amt a success then
matrimOny is ded beet.
Sum marry because they think wimmin
will be scarce next year, and live to won
der how the crop holds out
Sum marry tew get rid Ov themselves,
and diskOver that the game waz one that
two could play at, and neither win.
Sum marry the second time to get even,
and lind 1t a gambling game-the more
they put down the less they take up.
Sum marry tew be happy, and not find
ing il, wonder where all the happiness
goes to when it dies
Sum marry, they can't tell why, and
live they can't tell how.
Almost everybody gets married, and it
is a good joke.
Sum marry in haste, and then sit down
and think it carefully over
Sum think it over carefully fust, and
then sit down and marry.
Both ways are right, if they hit the
mark.
Sum marry rakes tew convert them
This IL little risky, and takes smart
missionary to DO it,
Sum marry coquCtts. This is like buy
ing poor farm heavily mortgagcd, and
working the balance of your days to clear
Oph the mortgages.
Married life haz its chances, and this IL
just what gives it its flavor. Everybody
luvs tcw phool with the chances, bckause
everybody expekts tcw win. But | am
authorized tew state that everybody don I
win.
But, after all, married life il full az GER
tain as the dry goods bizness.
No man can swear exackly WHARF
he will fetch up when he touches
calico
knN man can tel just what calico haz
made UP its mind tew do next.
Calico don't kno even herself
Dry goods Ov all kinds liz the child oy
G'ycumstanSis
Sum never marry, but this IL just ez
risky; the diseaze IL the same, with IN
other name to it.
The man who stands on the banks shiv-
ering and dassent, is more apt tew ketch
cold than him who pitches hz head fust
into the river
Thare il but few who never marry be-
kausc they ac0R't-they all banker, and
most ov them starve with bread before
them lspread on both sides,) jist for the
lack of grit.
Marry yungi IL mi motto.
hev tried it, and | know what / am
talking about
If emmy body asks you viii yu got mar
ried Off needs be-, tell him gu don't recOL-
lekt
Marriage is a safe way ) gamble if yu
win, yu win pile, and yu loze, yu don't
loze emmy thing, only the privilege of liv-
ing dlsmally alone, and soaking your own
feet
l repeat it, in italics, marry yung!
Thare IL but .one good excuse for a
marriage late in life, and that ia second
marrldge.-Neao York Weekly