, 1870-06-26
TWAIN.
From The Ek1naTanda u M1rk Haatn tn july
Gd1xr.
How mnxn Ak AGRICULTURAL. rArEa ONCE.


Neither would 4 laudanAo take couusnd Of !
ship without rnisgiyings. Bat I VIA IN circum-
stances that made tho salary an object, The
regular editor Of tho paper WIS going OF for
holiday, and accepted the terms ho offered,
and took his place.
luxurious. And wrought all the week With
un0aggcd pleasure. We went to press, and
I waited day with somo solicitude to
zee whether my effort vas going to attract any
notice. As I left tie Office, toward sundovn,
aGruup, Of men and boys 1T tho foot OF the
me raasago-way, and heard one Of them "a:
Incident. The next morning t found = similar
group 1t tho foot OF tbs stairs, and sc.tt0r;c1
couples and individuals standing here md
there IL the street, and over the way, watching
ne With interest. The group separated ana
ssy: "Ieot a his eye!" T Tprctsnded d no. no 70
Observe the notice I WAS attracting, but secret
j. VIE pleased with it, and was pnrposinr 10
write an account of it to my aunt. I went up
the ehort flight Of stairs, and heard chocT
voices and ringing laugh as I draw ueay
the II door, which opened: md canghs glimpse
blanched ard heightened 1hen theT aav me-,
ard then they both plunged through Tie vim
dow, with great crash. l was surprised.
In about half an hour n old eeutleman,
with flowing beard and flne but fasher aus
tere face, entered, and ast down At my invita-
mind. He took on his hat and set i On the
floor, and got out Of 1t red silk handk kcrc4,ief
and cops Of Cur paper. Ho put the plpe1
on his lap, and, while be polished Ills epecta-
Are You the new editor7"
! rnid VAS
~. "Hs5s r e" ever edited an Agricultural pa
NO" I said this is my a.st attempt
ienee IN agriculture, practically I"
"No, 1belieye have not
Some instinct told me so." said the old
gentleman, putting On his spectacles md look.
folded his paper into convenient shape. IT
Wish to read Jou what must have mado mo hays
that instinct. It WAS this editorial. Listen,
md see Il II WAS you that wrote it,.
"Turnipa should never be pulled-lt Injuries
tae snen; ~ ~ much better TO send boy up and let
"Now, what do you sth,nk Of that7-for
really suppose you w5ote It r
Think Of it7 Why. think It Is good. I
think 1t Is senso. have no doubt that, every
year, millions and millions Of bushels OF tur-
nps are spoiled In this township alone by being
pulled in 4 hslf-ripo condition, when, il they
had sent boy up to shake the tree
."shake yoq',5, grandmother! TuEnipa don't
"oh, they don't, don't they7 Well, who said
they did7 The language wls intended 10 te
hgurssive, wholly i,sqs1tivs; Anybody: that
the boy should shake tho vine"
Then this old person got up and tore his pa
per Ill into small shreds, and dstam oed on them,
and broke several things with his cane, ard
said I did not know AZ much a. COW; and
then went out, and banged The door aIter hin,
md. IN abort, acted IN such way that I tancied
be was diapleased about something. But, Dot
knowing what the trouble was, I could not be
any help to hin.
Pretty soon after this long, cadaverous
creature, with lanky locks hanging down to
hls shoulders and weeks stubble hrissliag
from the hills and valleys Of his face, dasted
with finger On lip. md head and body b;;a!!.
Still 'nu .eustened. No Bound. Then bo
turned the key IN tho door, and came elAbor-
ate!y hp~tociug toward me, TIL he WAS within
long reaching distance Of me, when he stopped,
and, after scanning uy face with intense in
paper from his bosom, and said:
Ihere-you wrote that. Read it to mo,
quick J. Relieve mel suffer-"
I read As follows-and Is the eenterces fell
from my bps could SEQ the relief come-1
could sec tho drawn muscles. relax, and u,s
sfcsi nrer ,hn fcatnras i;ta tha ~
light over . Jesolate ianiIseanc. N'S'AN
:'Tne guano Is 4 nne b!rG. but rreat.carc ia nee
essa1y IN rearing II. It should not be imporses
earlier than June nor later than september II
the winter 1t ahoUltl be kept in waym p1sce Wtet1
II SaH =, nstca is o.aSnI, o@I its yoans. .,
co, an = ~, t1, 'rt Ms ar ~ nase onck"an
farmer to eevin setting oui ,s enm-sta,rs ~ ~ ~
planting his l1ckwheat cakes ID JuIy fussc.d 10 q
Angust.
For15s Tsta ~ me naoVes Of IL The interior o. Ns,
nsSnT Tn4 t aS pSst nj - 9@ ine i'f ~
nIrfeTnce nyrr tn ~, ~ fn VAIL II
icing more Glias md fniy a a. 1 sa,siyfas: M In h
pumpkin Is :hc only czcuient Of the orange ta,nti
that viii thrive IN the North except the 9ou1a ani
a - lts ~ M tne , TOM yafl Wlta me shfuo
ersi,y emcrie fsr t ~ nnmnsn ~. -. ana ~ W
Is q failure. >''| '''-'fA-D' - = ''''''t' A'se
| stEow, a the wsEm weather approaches, nd Ii
gnnders begin 70 sp.rn-"
10 e1eased Listener sprang toward ne. II
1heIe, there|thAt will do! know An
an neht noW' because You haro read l
Just ~ DID, word 1or word. But, stran
ger, when hrst reAd it this morning, said h
nEEeen. neses, never believed it before, not
W1thstandlng my friends kept mo under watcl
With that fetched howl that yon might hAv
heard two niles, and started ont to kill some
body.--becanse, You know, ! knew it wouls
| como TO that sooner urlatnf, and 30 might .
we'll begin. I 1read one Of them paragraph
over again 30 - to be certain, and then
crippled several people, and hAve got one fel
low up tree, where can get him II *an
hun. But thought would call in here ~
passed along, and make the thing perfectly
certain and now it Is cettsin, And tell yo1
Il IA luesy for the chap that is in the t1ee
hack. doosi,bY. Sir, good-by-you have take
= great load on my mind. Ny reason ha
Stood the strain Of one Of your agricultural II
'tlc1ea, and know that nothing can ever unses
it now. Good-by, asr.
I felt Little uneomfo1tatle about the erp
rEnsa and aIsons thus person h,d been ente1
tanning himself with, foz could nut help fee]
ing remotely aecessosy TO them; but Thea
thoughts wcrc quickly eanished, for the regu
lAr editor walked inl thought to myself
NOW you hA1 gone to Egypt a. recon-
mendcd you 70. might have had = chance t
Set my hand IN but you wouldn't do it, an
0e1a ee so1 va. oetas ~ psD,sa
and detected He surveyed the wreck whic
that old 11oter and these two young farmer
mo mace, and inen sad:
1ma - = sao nnslness-A very SAD hunnest
laese ne @ maeuaee bosuo broken, and q q
Maea OF 81. g.asaa H. and sptf.oon, and sT9 candle
1uqR M o1 inc paper u injured, and permanent
y, icar. 1sno, there never Was such ca
io1 the Papet oe1ofe, and 1t never cold such
iasKe edition @ soased to such colebt1tfi bu
docs one want 20 oe famous for lunscy, ~
prosper upon sno 1na1mstcs ot ~ ~ mind n
,tlenu, = - Im ~ 1ouess mant tne street gu
here is fuu OF people, aud others are roostin
on me 1enees, MMtne 10 ges gnmree OF yo1
because Is5 tnink you ale crazy. ana re
nneS m1ght, ANet fesan8 you! ethton1s
me! arc otsesaeo 70 1on1aa4am' Wht
~hat pat INTO your mead that sou cotlad cd
apapet o. tals naasef 1oa 10 not seem
kno" Tue nlss Fuolmehts or agriculture