The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-11-24
Mark Twain's Experience as n Can.
didate.

n FEW months ago, | was nominated for
Governor Of the great State of New York.
to run against Stewart L. NFoodford and
john /. hoffman, on an independent ticket.
| somehow felt that had one prominent
advantage over these gentlemen, and that
was, good character. 1t was easy to see by
the newspapers that if ever they had
known what it was to bear good name,
that time had gone by. IL was plain that
in these latter years they had become IA
mlllar with all manner OF shameful crimes.
But ut the very momeHt | was exalting my
advantage and joying III it in secret, there
was muddy undercurrent OF discomfort
rlling the deeps of my happiness-and
that was the having to hear my name ban
died about in familiar connection with
those of such people. | grew more and
more disturbed. Finally | wrote to my
grandmother about it. Her answer came
quick and sharp She said:
You have never done one single thing in all your
lie TO be ashamed of-not one. Look at the
newspapers-lOok at them. and comprehend what
sort oI characters Woodford and Holman are, and
then see If You are willing 10 lower yourself to
their level and enter public canvass With them.
1t was my very thought / did not
sleep a single moment that night. But
after all, | could not recede. | was fully
committed and must 90 on with the fight.
As was looking listlessly over the papers
at breakfast, | came across this paragraph,
and may truly say l never was so CON
founded before:
PEHJURY.-Perhaps, now that Mark Twain is be-
fore the people a candidate for Governor, he
VIII cOndescend to explain how he came o be con-
vctcd of perjury by thirty -four witnesses in Waka-
wax, Cochin China. in 1863. the intent of which
perjury was 70 rob poor native widow and her
only stay and support in their bereavement and
their Ges0lation. Mr.. Twain owes it TO himself as
wei as to the great people whose suffrages he
asks, 10 clear this matter up. Will he do it:
thought should burst with amaze
ment. Such cruel, heartless charge ]
never had seen Cochin China, | never
had heard Of Wakawakl l didn't know a
pantain patch from kangaroo. did not
know what to do. [ was crazcd and help
less. let the day slip away without doing
at all. The next morning the
same paper had this-nOthing more
SIGNIFIc ANT.-Mr. Twain, it will be observed is
suggestively silent about the Cochin China per-
jury.
-Nem.-DuIing the rest of the campaign
this paper never referred to me in any 9th
er way than az the infamous pefjurer
Twain"
WANTED TO KNow.--Will the new candidate for
Governor degn To explain TO certain of his fellow
citizens (who are suffering to vote for him y the
little circumstance of his cabin-mates in Montana
losing small valuables from time to time until at
last. things having been invariably found on Mr.
1wain's person or in his trunk newspaper he
rolled his traps in), they felt compelled TO give
him friendly admonition for his own good. and
so iarred ana feathercd him and rode him on a
rail. ana then advised him to leave a permanent
vacuum in the place he usually occupied in the
Camp. Will this dos
COutd anything be more deliberately ma
licious than that? For | never was in
Montana in my life.
After this, this journal customarily
spoke of Inc as Twain, the Montana
Thief"
got to picking up papers apprehensive-
Iy-much as one would lift desired blan-
ket which he had some idea might have a
under it. One day this met my
eye:
l.- y .I.hfag al, IIs, ;lG sworn aniGavits Of
Mr.. Kit Burns and Mr. John Allen. of Water street,
nent that the lamented grandfather OF our noble
standard bearer. John II. Hoffman, was hanged for
highway robbery. is Il brutal and gratuitous LIE,
without a single shadow OF foundation in fact. Ii
il dlSheartenln9 to virtuous men to see suCh
shameful means resorted to to achieve political
success as the attacking of the dead in their graves
W hen we think OF the anguish this miserable
Ialsehood must cause the innocent relatives and
friends of the deceased. we are almost driven TO
ncite an outrage and insulted public to summary
and unlawful vengeance upon the traducer. But
aO--let Us leave him to the agony of decorating
if passion should get the bet
ter OF the public aud i'll lis blind fury they should
do the traducer bodily injury, it is but too obvious
that jury could convict and no court punish the
perpetrators OF the decd.
The ingenious closing sentence had the
effect of moving me out of bed with dis
patch that night, and out of the back door,
also, while the Outraged and insuited
public" surged in the front way breaking
furniture and windows in their righteous
as they came, and taking off
such property as they could carry when
they went And yet | can lay my hand
upon the Book and say that L never slam
dered Governor IIoDman's grandfather.
More had never heard of him or men
toned him up to that day and date.
will state in passing, that the journal
above quoted always referred to me after
wards as " Twain, the Body-Snatcher."
The next newspaper article that attract
ed my attention was the following:
A SWEET CANDIDATE.-Mark Twain, who was
to make such u blightng speech at the mass meet
ing at the Independents last night, don't come to
lie had been Knocked down by runaway team,
and his leg broken in two places-suiierer lying in
great agony, and soforth and soforth and a lot
more hosh of the same sort. And the Indepen-
dents tried hard TO swallow the wretched snbter-
fuge and pretend that they did not know what 'Cas
the real reason of the absence of the abandoned
creature whom they denominate their standard
bearer a certain man was seen to reel into Mr..
Twain's hotel last night In state OF beastly in
toxication 1t is The imperative duty of the indie
pcndents to prove that thi. besOtted brute was
~ 81 lat
This is case that admit. of no Sinking The
voice OF tho people demand. in thunder-tones:
3" Who was that man?'
1t was incredible, absolutely incredible,
for moment, that it was really my name
that was coupled with this disgraccful sus-
picion. Three long years had passed over
my head since 1 had tasted ale, beer, wine,
or liquor of any kind.
1t shows what effect the times were
having on me when / say that / saw my
self confidently dubbed "Mr. Delirium
Trcmens Twain" in the next issue of that
journal without a pang-nOtwithstandin |
knew that with mOnotOnous fidelity the
paper would go on calling me SO To the
very end
BY this time anonymous letters were
getting to be an important part of my mai
matter. This form was common:
How about that old woman You kiked OF youI
premises which was begging.
Pol Pay.
And this:
There il things which you have done which is
unbeknowens To anybody but me. You better trot
out few dolls. to yours truly or you'll hear thro
the papers from HANDY ANDY.
That is about the idea. could continue
them till the reader was suricited, if desi
rble.
Shortly after the principal Republican
journal convicted" me of wholesale brib
cry, and the leading Democratic paper
mailed" an aggrdvating case OF blackinail
ing to me.
In this way acquired two additional
names: Twain, the Filthy Corruption
ist,' and Twain, the Loathsome En-
braccr"
by this time there had grown to be sucl
clamor TOR an answer to all the dread
ful charges that were laid to me, that tn,
editors and leaders of my party said i
would be political ruin to me. to remain
silent any longer As if to make their ap