The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-05-17
II U M oRoUS ITEMS

BsS@ An unpleasant sort of arithmetic.
Division among families.
RAJ The last thing man should be
out of-Temper.
B@g~ The game of old sledge was inven-
ted by Nebuchadnezzar He got his
living on all tours for seven years.
BsS@ A Troy newspaper speaks of "a
man with one eye named Robert Welch,'
but does not mention the name of the
other eye.
DSs" A coroner's jury lately said that
they were OF " A Pinion Decest met his
death from Violent Information in the
he'd, produced from Union Cauz."
HSgn The Shakers don't marry. If
young Shakers fall in love, they are set
weedin onions-which kures them forth
withly.
GD~ In Wisconsin there has been in
vented a pocket stove warmed by alcohol.
The New York Post says, awe have
seen one Of them. 1t looks very much
like pint-hask filled with brandy.
pa An afflicted husband was returning
from the funeral of his wife when friend
asked him how he was. "Well," said he
pathetically, -" l think 1 feel better after
that little walk"
Bsg@ A temperance editor, in drawing
attention to an article against ardent
spirits in one of his papers, says, " For
the effects Of intemperance see our iu-
sidew
BG5~ During the delivery of lecture
by Mrs. DR.. Walker, in, Kansas,a few days
ago, precocious youth in the audience
cried out, Are you the Mary that had
a little lamb? " No, was the ready reply,
"but your mother had little jackass p
DSg- A singirg-master, while teaching
his pupil, was visited by brother of the
tuneful art. The visiter observed that
that the chorister pitched the tune vocally
and said Sir, do you use a pipe ?" /" No,
sir" said Semibreve, with admirable gravi-
ty, L chew"
ga A sorry case was that of Yankee
tailor who dunned man for the amount
of his bill. The man said he was @ sorry,
very sorry indeed, that he could not pay
it." "Well," said the tailor, 81 took
you for man that would be sorry but
if you are sorrier than [ am, | knock
under"
RS~ A man who, on being told by q
generous farmer that he would give him
barrel of cider, asked him if he would
bring it to his house." Certainly" re-
piled the farmer, "with pleasure"
"Well," said the grateful recipient,
"what will you pay me for the barrel
when the cider is done 2"
pa An elderly lady who was handling
pair Of artificial plates in dental Office,
and admiring the fuency with which the
dentist described them, asked him: " Can
a body eat with these things ?" "My
dear madam, mastication can be performed
with facility scarcely equaled by nature
hCiSOlij iOopohuCu bic uCutlSC.- eb,
[ know but can body eat with them ?"
ga~ A Newspaper published in the
regions of Lakes Memphremagog and
Winnepesaugee says that " fish in Lake
Holleyhunkemunk, Me-, are said to be
superior to those of either Lake Weeleyo-
bacock or Mooselockmegautuc. Those
of Chauhungogungamung were very fine,
but they all got choked to death in trying
to tell where they lived"
DS~ An Irish boy trying hard to get
place, denied he was Irish
Il don't know what you mean by not
being an Irishman," said the gentleman,
who was about to hire him =" but this |
do know that you were born in Ireland"
"Och your honor, if that's all, small
to blame that. Suppose your old cat
had kittens in the oven, would they be
loaves of bread 2"
lie was employed.
BsS- " La me-" said Mrs. Partington,
here have been sufferinp the hioarnioe