The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-06-25
- Waller Dogs THE Canine Ish
mRelite.
ny MARK TWAIN

he had scarcely touched the pier whei
he proceeded to tally his passengers
He had just checked his last item il
the list--a Mr. and Mrs. Bedbug-wher
the cringing figure of quadruped came
sneaking down the gang-plank with hi.
tail between his legt "Drat it, if ther,
amt that yaller dog" says Noah, aim.
inga vicious kick with his brogan al
the brute. But, with Il facility born OF
long and bitter experience, the brute
lodged the projectile calculating "ki-yi,
which is Syriac for declined with
thanks, or mot for Joe" disappeared
while Noah, who had his sea-lesS on,
was unable to recover his equilibrium,
and sat down with emphasis on the
back of his head
Noah arose, and in accordance with the
style prevalent among the patriarchs he
proceeded to soothe his adronted dignity
by prOnouncing variegated anathema
upon the waller dog which had charat,
eristically sneaked unobserved on board,
in the confusion OF putting to sea and
capsized the captain at the first post
lie cursed that dog in body, limb,
back, hide, hair tail and wag, and all his
generation, relations aud kindred, by
consanguinty OF affinity, and his hers
and assigns. He cursed him with end,
less hunger, with perpetual fear, with
perennial laziness, with hopeless mango,
with incessant fleas, and with his tail
between his legs. He closed his stock
of maledictions by sparkling display
Of pyrotechnics, from the demoralizins
effect of which the waller dog has never
recovered.
With this curse sticking TO him like
revenue stamp, the yaller dog cant
help from being cursed" He don't Try
to help it. He follows Noah's pro,
gramme with sneaking fidelity. He is
an Ishmaelite among dogs. He re
ceives the most oppressive courtesies in
the form of brick bats, boots and hot
water, which makes his lite an animated
target excursion He boards around
like district school teacher, and it i,
meal time with him twcnty-four hours
in the day. The rest of the time he
bankers after something to eat
He is too omnivcrous for an epIcurc
Cram him at Delmonico's, and he would
hunger for desert from an Albany board,
ing-house.
He can't bc utilized. He is too tired
As a swill cart locomotive, hunter OF
sentinel, he is an ignominiou> failure
The dog churn was strategic attempt
to employ his waste energies, and butter
had too much selt:respect to come at
his persuasion So the dog churn va,
dropped.
No sausage maker dare iorccIosc his
lien on the WALLER dog, lest his customers
no longer "sOothcd and sustained by
an umfaltcring trust transfer their
patronage to some less audacious dealer.
The savages, who admire baked dog
and who can even attack tripe and eX,
plore the mysteries of hash without
dismay, acknowledged the WALLER dog
to be too much for their gastric intrc'
pidity
lie always manages 10 belong 10
ragged, tobacco chewing, whisky-drink-
ing master, whose business is swapping
dogs and evading the dog tax. The val,
Ter dog is acquainted with himself and
he enjoys the intimacy with edifying
contempt. He sinks along through
life on a diagonal dog trot, Us ii in
doubt as to which end OF him is entitled
to the precedence He is always per
vaded by a hang doc sense of guilt, and
when retributive unware is fastened tC
his tail he tiles from the wrath tc
come" with Mortified celebrity which
ought to he very suggestive to two-leg
sed sinners of similar ordeal in stor,
for him.
The waller dog i>--weIl, t" speak il
italics, he is Il Sio,,ch