North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1870-06-08
WHOLE No. 7l2.
ssYallel. DOgs."

Wnen Moan Ql6emO0rke0 ae Ar0f0t, No
had scarcely touched the pier when he
proceeded to tally his passengers. He
had just checked his last item in the list
a :. Mr. and Mrs. Bedbug-when the
cringing figure ofa quadruped came sneak
ing down the gang-plank with his tail be-
tween his legs. "Drat it, if there amt
that yaller dog!" says Noah, aiming a
viscious kick with his brogan at the brute.
But with q faculty born of long and Bit
ter experience, the brute lodged the pro-
jectile, and calculating ''ki-yi," which is
Syriac for "declined with thanks" 'or mot
for Jo," he disappeared, while Noah, who
had his sea-legs On, was unable to recover
his equilibrium, and sat down with en-
phasis on the back of his head.
Noah arose, and, in accordance with the
style prevalent among the patriarchs, he
proceeded to soothe his affronted dignity
by pronouncing a variegated anathema
upon the yaller dog, which had charac-
teristically sneaked uaobservea on board,
in the confusion Of putting to sea, and
capsizcd the captain at the first port. He
cursed that dog in body, limb, bark, hide,
hair, tail and wag, and all his generations,
relations, and kindred, by consanguinity
or affinity, and his heirs and assigns. He
cursed him with endless hunger, perpetu-
al fear, with perennial laziness, with
hopeless mango, with incessant Aeas, and
with his tail between his legs. He closed
his stock of maledictions by q sparkling
display Of pyrotechnics, from the denor-
alizing effects of wnich the dog never re-
covered.
With this curse sticking to him like q
revenue stamp, the yaller dog can't help
being 'cussed." He don't try to help it.
He follows Noah's programme with
sneaking fidelity. He is an Ishmaelite
among dogs. He receives the most op-
pressive courtesies in the form of brick
bats, boots, and hot water, which makes
his life an animated target excursion. He
boards around like q district school
teacher, and it is meal time with him "a
hours in the day. The rest of the time
he bankers after something to eat. He 10
too omniverous for an epicure. Cram
him at Delmonioo's and he would hunger
for dessert at an Albany boarding house.
He can't he utilized. He is too tired.
As swill-cart locomotive, q hunter, or q
sentinel, he is an ignominious failure.
The dog-churn was strategic attempt to
employ his waste energies, but he hadn't
any waste energies, and butter had too
much self-respect to 'come" at his per-
suasion. So the dog-churn was dropped.
No sausage-maker dare foreclose his
lien on the yaller dog, lest his customers
no longer "soothed and sustained by an
unfaltering trust'-transfer their patron
age to some less audacious dealer. The
savages, who admire baked dog, and can
even attack tripe and explore the myster-
les Of hash without dismay, acknowledged
the yaller dog to be too much for their
gastric intrepidity.
He always manages to belong to a rag
ged, tobacco-chewing, whisky-drinking
master, whose business is swapping dogs
and evading the dog-tax. The yaller dog
is acquainted with himself, and he'enjoys
the intimacy with edifying contempt. He
sinks along through life, on diagonal
dog-trot, as in doubt as to which end of
him is entitled to the precedence. He is
always pervaded by hang-dog sense of
guilt, and when retributive tinware is
fastened to his tail, he "fies from the
wrath to come" with a horrifed cslerity
which ought to be very suggestive to two
legged sinners of similar ordeal in store
for him.
The yaller dog is-well,. to speak in
Italics, he is slouch.