The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-03-12
WIT AND WISDOM. m

Pa" said an interesting juvenile % an
lndulgent sire, " Pa, haven't | got vote
IS well as the President - No. nv
child" "Yes have, pa-my fifth toe i
V toe, reckon" Thomas, take that
boy to bis mother-he's ruined"
TO ENJOY a good reputashun," says
Josh Billings, give publickeIy and steal
privately"
GoD has three houses one for instruc-
ton, another for correction, and third for
destruction. s~
IT you have been tempted to evil, fiY
from it 1t is not falling into the water, but
lying it, that droWnS
"CoME, don't be timid, 7" said couple
Of foolish snobs to two mechanics; sit
down and make yourselves our equals"
- We'd have to blow our brains out to, do
thst, " was the reply.
A LIrTLE GIRL. excited BY the brnI4up
play of her aunks .epldplugRed ROnt
tsstb, exclaimed, [" Oh, Aunt MAy, how
do wish 4 had SoPPercoaa teeth like yoe"
Mn. JOSH BfLrINGs says: "One Of
The fussiest scenes I ever seed wuH two old
no1uc WoAsan w Ou0 SiCA WtuOWeA.
A coUNrRYNAN sowing bis ground, two
smart fellows riding that way, one Of them
called to him with an insOlent air, Well,
honest fellow" said be, g tin your business
to SOW, but we reap the fruits Of your In
bor." To which the countEyman replied:
/" '1is very likely you may, for 7 am SOW
ing hemp"
THE BETTER HALvEs--h being agreed,
among party Of twelve, that q disputed
question should be settled by the opinion of
the majority, the six ladies expressed them
selves opposed to the six gentlemen, and
claimed the victory. A gentleman OBJ
jected to this, as the number of votes Is
equal, saying that "they were half and
half" -a-r
True replied a witty fair one, " but
we are the better halves.
A NEw-MADE widow went recently to
life insurance Office to receive the amount Of
a policy Oh her husbands life, which bad
been made payable to her.
The President thought il only proper to con
dole with her on her bereavement.
81 am truly sorry, madam, to hear Of
your loss, said be.
/" That's always the way with you men
You are always sorry when q poor woman
gets a chance to make little money re
sponded the bereaved widow.
HEAR HIM." My competitor, ex-
claimed political orator, has told yon Of
the service he has rendered his country in
the late war Let me tell you that l, too,
acted an humble part in that memorable
contest When the tOcsin of war sum-
moued the loyal masses to the national 6ag,
|, fellow-citi animated by the patriotic
spirit which glows in every American bo-
som, hir ed q substitute, and the bones Of
hat man now lie bleaching on the banks of
he RappahannOck y
WHEN james T. Brady, the celebrated
awyer of New York, first opened an ofhce,
be took basement room which had been
previously occupied by cObbler. He was
somewhat annoyed by the previous occu-
paus's ealiers, and iEsitAtad BY the fact that
ae had % few Of his own. One day an
[rishman entered.
s'The cobbler's gone, see," said Pat
"I should think he had, !" tartly respond
ID Brady.
"And what do you sell 2" be inquired,
looking at the solitary table and few law
books.
BIockhead," responded Brady.
Be gorra," said the Irishman, "ye
must be dOin a mighty fine business-yOu
hain't got but one left"