Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-08-26
HUrllOr.

Down in the worla-A miner.
The lady Of Lyons-Thc lioness.
High pitch-Tarring the roof.
Every fox praises his own tail.
Waste of colors-L Ladies blushing un-
seen.
Advice is the only sort Of vice that some
people don't follow. -. ~
The bump of destructiveness "a rail
way collision. .a1h-.
The most steadfast followers Of our for
tunes-Our creditors.
Nothing-A footless stocking without a
leg.
Woman is the only female in creation
who sings. ..t
To remove stains from character
rich. Lt.t's E. -...s- ...i
An unpleasant sort of arithmetic-divis-
ion among families.
Hint to a lover-To succeed as sutton,
you must suit her well.
What fruit does newly married couple
mostly resemble? A green pear.
Undoubtedly it is more agreeable to have
ones account footed up than ones person.
The boy who undertook to ride horse
radish is now practicing on saddle Of mutt
ton.
A boy at school spelt Aaron. big A little
a, ron Another spelt gallery big gal,
little gal. gallery.
A rascally bachelor calls the friendship
of two women, always plot against
third
An old lady being asked to subscribe to a
newspaper, declined, on the ground that
when she wanted news she manufactured it.
The boot.heels and bonnets of the ladies
grow smaller and smaller, though they rep
resent opposite extremes.
An Irishman said he did not come to this
country for want. He had an abundance
of that in his own country.
A histrionic individual. who has heard a
good deal about the theatre of war, Suggest
that the back seats must be very desirable.
Men are born with two eyes and one
tongue. in order that they should see twice
as much as they say.
"A Mississippi negro worked on shares,
but got muffin, 'becau USE said he I worked
for de seventh and we only made de fifth.
Crop short
The fence of graveyard in Pennsylva-
mia bears an inscription in large white let
tors, use Jones bottled ale if you would
keep out Of here.
Mothers used to provide switch for their
daughters from the nearest bush; but now
the dauhters get their own switches from the
hairmakcrs.
PHILANTHROPY. = Young man, are you
not aware that tobacco is slow poison?--
Young man Quitting at his cigar Yes,
sir, the slowest poison ever known
Come husband aaid the wife Of note
shaving Stock Exchange. 1t is time for us
to get up, the day is breaking We'll. let
it break, don't hold any of its paper
A brute of bachelor. on being informed
that marriages are made in Heaven said
he wished that prohibitive duty had pre-
vented their expor. from the place Of their
manufacture. .tev
Josh Billings says that the lion and the
lamb may possibly sumtime lay down in
this world together for few minnits, but
when the lion kums to git up the lamb will
be missing "a ssa5
Harry said mother 10 her little boy,
you shouldn't throw away away nice bread
like that; you may want it before you die
How could l get it though. if I eatit nowf'
Harry asked. o,
Milton, when blind. married shrew.-
The Duke of Buckingham called her rose.
q am no judge of colors,' replied Milton,
but dare say you arc right. for I feel the
thorns daily
MY son. said tutor of doubtful moral
ity. but severe aspect, putting his hand on
the boys shoulder, i believe Satan has got
hold Of you I believe SO too was the
reply.
A clergyman addressed his female audi
tors as follows: BE not proud that our
blessed Lord paid your sex the distinguished
honor of appearing first to a female after
resurrection, fer it was only that the glad
tldings might spread sooner
How are you, Smith ? said Jones. Smith
pretended not to know him, and answered
hesitatingly
Sir, you have the advantage of me-
yes, suppose so /; everybody has that's
got common sense
A dandy at a hotel table who wanted the
milk passed to him, thus asked for it -
please send your COW this way To whom
the landlady retorted as follows; Waiter,
take tho COW down to where the calf is bleat-
ing
Limbrick Thomas, and old South Caro-.
lima negro, explains, in the Union Springs
Times, why he doesn't join the Republican
party. Among other reasons, he saws the
white South Carolinans who have Joined it
are the sort he used to watch when they came
on old masterss premises to keep them from
stealing.
F1sHY-A clergyman, known Familiarity
as Parson Milton, was seen by neighbor
trudging home one Monday morning with
stout shad which he had just bought, and
was accosted with, 'Mr. Milton. did you
know that fish was caught on Sunday p
The Minister, In his characteristic blunt