The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1870-04-22

Bi JOSH BILLINGS, JR.

ID 6Vcn D1x<Aa0O-s o1''
MISTER EDITOR: hcv been reeding |
in an Alminick, made by cussin OF |
mine who is postid in the insurents |
bizines and beg leave to seLd you |
a fewpextracts Of hiscn and q few sd
djshuns of mine, which will doubtless
be Instructive to the ignerant por
shunsof your readers the wize wuns
no all about such things and tha
needn't reed no further.
slGHNs.
When man gifts burned out mis-
teeriOusly its a sign he's well INSURED.
DOMESTIC RECEIPTS.
lew mike money; inshure yure ole
barns and bile soap in 'em. / heve
knoue fellers make 5 hundred dollars,
over and abuv expencis in 2 weaks in
this way.
Few make a man meneness visibul
tew the nakidi; try to settle his in
shurents after fire.
Tew Boardin House keepers; keep
A shure kure for burns inshurents.
III prevents lIllOTl1htlOit.
SAYINGS AND THINGS.
muves il sed tew be e9uil TO a
burn; but the most pofitablist way
few muve IL to get INSURED al burn.
"Blessins brightin ez tha take THAR
flite," which ackounts fur bildims bein
wurIh more after tina burn up than
before. am F..f.s sr-
figure only well INSURED a fire IL
blessin i'm disgize: but when You
have bin blest sevrii times this way, 1t
aint disgiZed so mulch.
Imshnrents IL tew some what flint
IL tcw steal--it provokes blaz
An enemy is not 10 be despized, YOU
kin lay the burnin nv you're store few
him. sn --fs.
! Inshurenr lines dew not AWAY fall
IN plesent places.
/ II YOU want tew make fire insLure
a transient stock in ready maid cloth
IN OF sich like for twenty cts. MORN
flare wurth and waste about ~ min
utcs.
\ lively immagincation il wurtb
nIuuev few YOU i'm maxim OFT prtIfc
nv loss. If YOU kant make the irwin
tor. equil tcw yure inshurents cit
nabsr few help You.
The origin of fires and the origin of
The kardiff jan; IL twin sisters--no
karGs.
EVENTS PRoGNosTIX AN ADVICE.
April to 30-Eggspect inshurents
agints round bout these dais, in every
munih.
May-Git yurc policce, in the ole
NV The munc.
,Iunc-Stack yure hay an git rcddy
fur an axidentle distrukslion Nv yure
barns and contents.
July-This month pizen yure lame
hos,es and sick kows in a thunder
Storm. You may think they ware
struck by lightnin specifically If they
are insured with a litenen claws.
August 4-Philadelphy 1869, crate
esgsperiment tn pruve that whiskee
wood burn. 1t proved {. sucksess.
December-Its bad time few burn
out in the winter, but if you have bin
preparcing fur il all summer let her
rip.
{ D kJlESES.
Kant tell what inshurents korpora-
tiuns may be eklipsed this year. Prof.
Barnes vii. soon make kalkulations,
unless hes eklipscd fust.
ADDITIONS. As'1'
liza man haint got q well balanced
he'd. I like few see him part hiz hair
in the middle, or appli for an inshu-
rents agiHcy. &c
1t is O strange and lamentable fakt,
that you Kant advance, nor even IN
augurate, morel movement without
the aid ov money--yu kan run saw
mill on credit bu you kant run the
gospel. or an inshurents ko., insnrents
dizziness is In the moral line.
: hey alwus no:ised one thing, when
man gifts in, a ute spot. ke don't new
er call on his friend the Devil to help
him out. He ginerally gifts his out
hcusis INSURED and goes visitin long
enough TO make his inshurents avail.
When hens lay eggs a day, and
men cease tew Drag, and wimmin
cease to cackle, then ingin summer
draws nj. and the millennium amt fur
oph When there ar ho more suspi-
ciou. fires. its got here-the millcni-
um heZ. .-.
Prospectus wv THE UNIVERSE INsHU-
RENTS 10.
We will pay the loss bi thunder and
lighunin whether damage ipsoos or
not. f9r,f
We take no city or village risks an
dew but little in the kuntry.
We limet our lines tew ) foWths the
value NV bildins.
First lass farm property will be
takin for cost Of revenue stamps on
the polisee. -as
Wei pay for loss of Katie by light
ming running at large on farm. TIa
must run tho. 80 -.tste'
Other kompaneys is too particular
| tcw make fires profitable tew policy
| holders
! We proud 0urse'f Oh prompt pay
mint CIV losses. lfyou expect fire
telegram tew us and wee viii send
/ draft TO onst.
INSENpARf ADvIzE. ,f l,
Ifyouye got a little knot.
That duzzent pleze you well;
! Or played out stock of goods
Which you kant no way sell;
ar a lot of barns and sheds
All going tew dekay,
Why. go tew some inSburents man
Tew lazy tew survey,
/ Who kares less for his kOmpanies
Then fur his own "komnish,
4 And git 'em all inshured. / would.
I Fur any sum you wish. IL
/ Then pray as the profit did,
Eur PROFITABLE flame
Tew clean YOU QUIT and then my fren
Buy new goods and build again.
In doin this, rvnlenlber tho, -
Tint prayer and wrirlSS together 90,
Ifearnest prayer fale yure desire,
Then wurks viii shurly bring the fire.
MIL Van TAKE 4 ShpcnS