The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1870-01-06

ts
lowering the duchess to the level Of the
portiere.
Good manners, as We said before, are
based on consideration for others. The
essence Of what are called courtly man
nerS is that liberation rfsmrllannoyances
which impatient and undisciplined peo-
pie fly out against-that attention to
small wants aud wishes which blunt
witted people do not see, and selfish
Unes do not heed But a man may be
perfect gentleman, as the phrase goes,
in all that relates to grace of manner
and conventional good breeding, yet
essentially ungeutleman. like if we read
him Alright, because by nature selfish.
lnsolent, and careless Of others. And
the coarse grain of his nature ineyita.
bly, some time or other roughs up thro'
the ovcrlaying glaze of education. His
consideration for others is mere ap.
pearance-a trick through which he
himself for the benefit of his social
reputation uses but there is nothing be,
meath it, anditfalls opieces when the ne
cesslty Of maintaining it before folk has
been withdrawn, as house Of carCs
tumbles into ruin when the foundation
king is taken away. 1t is quite curious
TO see how all those people who are
wel-bred only as a conventional neces-
sity, collapse into their native rudeness
so soon as they have shut their house.
door between themselves and the world.
1t is not only hanging up the fiddle,
but taking down the whip-aud using
it; not only indulging in the domestic
dressing gown and slippers, but cloth.
ing themselves in rags and hobnails
Il does not in the least degree signify
Of what rank naturally bad hammered
because selfish person may be. The
world aud conventionality keep him or
her straight in public perhaps, but in
private my lord is as great boor ia
his own degree as Hodge; aud though
Hodge shows his bad breeding with a
trlfie more brutality in the absolute,
relatively he and my lord are twin
brothers 10 churlishness, and self is no
mere lovely under the ermine than un.
der fustian.
Good manners have the great value
Of teaching seli,restraint and the endur.
ance of annoyauees with Spartan inflex.
ibility. Sayages, children, and uu
taught people known nothing of this
self restraint. If they dislike a thing,
they show it; if they are annoyed, they
manifest their annoyance; and they say
out, with no sort Of compuncton, any
uniavorablc opinion they may have
formed of their company. The repose
that marks the caste of We're dc We're,
though at times excessive 10 its impas.
sibility, has yet the beautiful quality
of sell'restraut and not to bore our
neighbors with our own feeling or con.
cerns, nor to offend him in his, is vir.
tue which it were well if it were more
common. One of the first lessons taught
by the wise to their children is this
habit of sell. li.restraint--not only moral
but personal--to keep their thoughts
to themselves, and, not like Gavarni's
eiyante terrible, tell Mrs. A. to her face
that she is ugly, or to inform Mr.. B.
that mamma laughs at him, and papa
hates him also to bear little pain and
discomfort without wincing, or annoy
ing other people by their disquiet All
this outward self.restraint is as neces.
sary for good breeding as the greater
law of keeping down our temper and
keeping in our appetites before folk
or MS that lesser law, of teaching lad
to take off his hat to lady, giving a
ready answer when spoken to, and be.
ing generally civil and attentive to his
fathers guests.
The best kind Of good manners are
only got BY early education; and when
you have begun early you have no need
for those patent shams called company
manners" which are so sure of being
seen through. What is it but this
early training which makes the peculiar
charm of upper class manners These
classes are never subjected to the society
Of vulgar ones. they are taught from
the beginning oil the niceties of good
breeding, till these become as of second
nature, and are not finory adopted for
state occasions. The absolute perfec.
tion of manner is to be had only when
tho nature is as noble as the breeding,
and the breeding has been from the
beginning +
Women have always been the con.
servators of good breeding, the codifiers
Of its laws, the guardiances of its OBJ
servaDces. Indeed, the establishment
Of good manners, aud the creation of
refinement, rank among the most signal
of their duties. Take away these from
them, and you take away half their so.
cial value. Consequently, we find that
women understand and carry out the
niccties of good breeding more exactly
than do men. This does not say that
these niceties are always thorough, and
that the nature is to be believed in as
exactly corresponding with appearances;
but they are Of value as the maintaiaers
Of social decorum, aud the evidence of
what virtues at least ought to be within.
Manners are by no means unimportant
things 10 life. 1t does not do to say,
"oh my heart is good, and l am not
so bad as | SEEM" all we can answer
is, that if his heart is good, his man.
ners should correspond, and that he
cannot expect the world to probe so
deeply below the surface as to find out
the good which sets itself forth as bad.
We are taken at more superficial