Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1870-06-09
MISCELLANEOUS.
A LITTLE SECRET.

"Ir is with unmitigated qualification"
said my friend, Richard Longchild, be-
tween the puffs of his cigar, "t that have
obtained from the excavatory (puf) per-
quisitions of the persevering (put) Jones,
overwhelming corroboration of the here
tofore theoretical deterioration of the (pufh
species, man. Nothing can be more salts
factory. 1t is now (puff) k7sOaon that we
are descending, sir, at the rate OF two
inches and an eighth per century"
don't see the fun of that, though,
said I. =
at shows, at least, what we were" re-
Joined Mr.. Longchild, rather bitterly
"The indefatigable arch@ologist, in dem
onstratiOn of the tndestructib1llty-"
81 must be off in ten minutes, Dick, y
/ remarked - .i.i titi IN. Z ~
Dick took the hint, and, dropping from
his polysyllabic stills, came lightly to the
ground.
ayes. Jones has put his thumb upon
q chap, who might, in his lifetime, if in
condition, have whopped any amount of
authenticated bones we know OF. In the
much-admired, but carefully avoided,
island of Sardinia, there was a spot known
by the natives as the Giants Sepulchre.
1t proved to be thirty seven feet in length,
by six in breadth" ---
"The skeleton ~
No; the grave, And ditto In depth. !"
"No, six. With enormous stones re-
clining on their massive bosoms," con-
tinued M. Longchild, little obscurely.
I" 1t was upon raising one OF these that
the important discovery was made that
there was nothing beneath. Nay, am
wrongl Embedded in the soil, an object
was perceptible, strongly resembling, both
in form and volume, the drumstick of the
Cochin. China fowl You smile. Wait.
Sight and inconsequential as this success
may appear, it encouraged the party to
further explorations These resulted, to
cut my story short, In the actual discovery
of the remains of a colossal human being,
who could not have been less than twenty
five feet six inches in staturel Jones
samazement may be conceivedr I.
4" It cannot exceed miner said /.
,"But it was probably nothing" con-
sstinued Dick" compared with that of Ser
torius, if we may believe Plutarch. 'How
great remarks that usually cold and eau
tious writer (betrayed for a moment into
enthusnsml how great was his surprise
when, opening the sepulchre of the Phoe
nician Antseus, he beheld body of sixty
al should think soP's
= erF Now, Presumed nay friend, brightly
e " hat is this pigmy compared with more
recent acquisitions What would Serto-
rius have said to the giant of Trapani-
who attained the height of two hundred
cubits, a1dsQRe. of whose teeth, yet sound
and servi6fAble, and weighing SIX pounds
four ouhces avoirdupois, is still preserved
In the museum at Berlin Pr
Labelled, ignorantly, 'mastodon.'
hayeseeR il, said /.
Nrhthile," !" concluded Longchild, frown,
ing, g remains even more stupendous have
: revealed themselves to the scientific inves
tigator, I. cannot accept three hundred
feet, British measure, as the ordinary
stature of man at any definite epoch
But, twenty five is very different affair
1t is, in point of fact, hardly more than
I double the height of welldeVelopeo indi-
yiduals of our own time, occasionally to
beseen--" s4@Z 1aE1A
"For shilling" put in ! Ass y
"Undeteriorated specimens" pursued
Mr. Longchild, firmly, "of a race that
peopled the earth in its august adolescence
To what may we attribute their present
raritys Simply to this. That, nature, de
lighting in contrasts, somewhere called
q into existence a new and puny race, in
tended probably as objects of curiosity
and mirth to their mightier brethren
That, nevertheless, one of the latter, will
morbid love of the opposite, and dis
4 regard of the general interests OF human
ity which cannot be too severely repre-
hended, took to wife some wretched httl'
fiiteen-foot thing, and inaugurated tina
decadence, of which," concluded Dick
striking his palm upon the table wit. ;
force that made the glasses ring, "4os ar
reapipg the bitter and humiliatinl
fruitsP 81
but" 1 observed, "to return to thes
highly valuable Sandman remains.
there no reason to apprehend that the.
may be claimed by the country to which
= they. undoubtedly belongP There ar,
aniiquarians in that island-Spano, ant
others-no less enthusiastic than our owl
indOmitable Jones'"
'SpanoJ% replied Mr.. Longchild, ''hand
somely declined to advance any claim OF
behalf: of his government. 1t is true h
did not seem entirely satisfied that Jones
conjecture was correct"
The skeleton was incomplete ?"
To the uninitiated, yes" said Dick
s9Fhe non scientific observer demands tina
everything should be revealed to his actus
: senses Literally, then, these invaluabl
relics consisted of a most gratifying thoug
inc nsiderable portion of the thigh bone
6buia that left nothing to be desired
and, to Crowd all, couple of grinders