Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-06-10
AstsEsaGsk's

"A nose ny any ooiiei Aaiiio "o"'N S''
Us we'll.
Crooking the elbow often lays the body
out straight.
An unpleasant sort of arithmetlc-divis-
ion among families.
The motto of the inebriate-to drink is
human, to get drunk divine.
When does tailor serve his customers i'll?
When he gives them fits.
A belle doesn't always give the best tone
to society.
To say of lady she is mo chicken is
foul assertion.
How to get the exact weight of a fish
Weigh him in his own scales. -tf.4
Young ladies' Of the lower parlor' is what
the kitchen girls Of Boston call themselves
Forney says 'the Senate is sound It is
pretty much all sound.
The bachelor has to look out for number
one-the married man for number two.
To keep warm of cold day women double
the cape and men double the horn.
In what does Queen Victoria take her
pills? In cider.
The difference between sealing wax and
women-one burn to Keep secret, the 9TH
er to tell it.
What class ought never to die with con-
M orab MI with ctrOnO
chests. tst .-.
Some one talks about our good govern
ment. AS now administered it is good for
nothing.
A contemporary thinks that over ell ball
room doors should be inscribed, "Look out
for the train"
Why are there three objections to taking
a glass of brandy? Because there are three
scruples to dram.
It is said that everything finds its proper
element. but when man drinks like fish
he seldom takes to water.
Pm sitting on the style, Emma as the
fellow said when he ruthlessly sat down on
his swecthearts new bonnet.
An exchange is not far wrong in saying
that sour-faced wife often helps the liquor
trade.
A good index to the responsibility Of au-
diences is the number Of people who 60 out
to imbibe between acts.
Young ladies. SAYS the New York Post,
may admire their clergyman, but they ought
not to be quite carried away with him.
Never conide in young man, new pals
leak. Never tell your secrets to the aged.
old doors seldom shut closely.
Mothers used to provide switch for their
daughters from the nearest bush now the
daughter gets her own switches from the
hair dressers.
Be careful how you mortgage to the devil.
His notes are all payable on demand, and
there is no telling when he may take no
ton to foreclose.
1t is generally supposed that Old Ocean
allows free passage to everybody, yet it 49,
fact that there are thousands of dead heads
at the bottom.
The spaniards have saying, AT eigh-
teen marry your daughter to her superior
at twenty, to her equal at thirty, to any
body that will have her.
A young lady being told by friend that
silk dresses were very much worn. replied
that she knew it, for hers had two or three
holes in it.
One of the sable orators of old Virginia
made good point when he said, de oyster
got mo- sense dan some folks, cause he know
when to keep his mout shet.'
It has been said that there is no one so
happy as maiden in her teens. We have
many old soldiers who were fully as happy
in their canteens.
A club of henpecked husbands met once
a week-that meeting being their only day
of enjoyment and rest When they adjourn
ed they called it the rising of the tied.
Josh Billings says that "the lion and the
lamb may possibly sumtime lay down in
this world together for flu minnits, but
when the lion kums to git up the lamb will
be missing"
Aunt Susan says "Suppose all the
men were in one country, and all the wo-
men in another, with a big river between
them Good gracious what lots Of poor
women would be drowned"
There is absolutely no law against hold
ing up lamp posts and corner houses, but
young men who engage in the work late at
night should understand that it is quite IN
necessary.
Psey quantity observes that the difference
between the rich and poor is simply tlis =
The poor have plenty of appetite, but moth
ing to eat the rich have plenty to eat, but
no appetite. t.
A mathematician, being asked by stout
fellow, IF two pigs weigh twenty pounds,
how much will large hog weigh /? replied,
Jump into the scales and I will tell you i'm
mediately.'
At a wedding the other day, one of the
guests, who often little absent, observed
grayely, I have remarked that there have
been more women, than men married this
year. ss.
Come, Bob, get up said an indulgent
father to his hopeful son, the other morning.
Remember, the early bird catches the
worm What do care for worms 2 re-
piled tie young hopeful, mother won't let
me 90 a fishing.
Madame said old Brown to his board
inghouse keeper, in primitive countries beef
is often legal tender; but, Madame said
he, emphatically, thrusting his fork into the
steak, all the laws in Christendom could
not make this beef tender
A Dutchman, in describing pair of hor-
ses he had lost, said 'Dey was verv much