Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1870-03-14
The Josh Billings Papers.
LOST ARTS.

LOST ARTS.
! Sum oy our best and most energetick
quill jerkers hav writ essays on the
+" Lost ATts,u and hav did compara-
fifty well, but they hav overlooked
several ov the missing artikleS, whitch
i take the liberty lin a strikly conf
denshaH way) tew draw their atten-
shun to.
s. I,.aap6in Pi."-This delitesIIfa
work ov. art IL Cor rather aods) a trium-
! phant conglomeratiOn ov baked COe
and billed pumpkin.
! 1t was discovered during the old OV
the moon, in the year 1880, by Angel |
lea, the notable wife of Rhehobosm |
/ Beecher, then residing in the rural |
town of M Guilfcrd, State of Connek- |
ticut, but since departed this life, aged |
81 years, months, @ daze, 5 hours and |
10 minnitts.
Peace teW her dust.
This pi, Immediately after its dis |
cOvery bi Angelica, proceeded into
general use, aud was the bos pi for /
over hundred years.
In the year 1888 it was totally lorst.
This pi hain't bin herd from since.
Large rewards have bin offered for its
recovery by the GoYernor ov COnnek-
ticut, but it haz undoubtedly fed for
ever.
Sum poor lmitashUns Of the blessed
old original pi are loafing around, hut
pumpkin pi az it Waz with nutmeg
in it, is no more.
"Rum and IhHsg.n .n-Good old Nu
England rum, with tanzy bruized in
it, wuz known to our ancients, and
drank by the deacons and elders ov
our churches, a century ago.
1t is now one of the lost arts.
A half a pint Of this glorious old
miXrur upon Citing out OY bed in the
morning, then a half a pint jist before
setting down TO breakfast, then thru
the day, at stated intervals, half
pint OY it, and sum more ev it jist be-
tore retiring at mite, IL what enabled
our forefatherS tew shake oph the |
yoke Ov Crate BrittOn, and gave the
American eagle the maiestick tired
and laundering big pack bone, which
lac used to hav. But alasl oh, alas! |
we once had spirits oY Just men made
Perfeck, but we hav now Ooh, alasD
spirits oy the dam,
0ne-half pint oV the present pre-
vailing rum would ruin deacon in
twenty minits.
Farewell, good old nu England rum,
with some tanAy in yer, thou hast
gone! vest, thou hast gone to that
b0urn from which no good spirits
Gums back.
" Rum, requtesOat et sqaOrissi,'us. ="
"Aa1y azoea, ana arg to rize." D
When our ancestors landed on FIJI !
moth R0k, out Ov the MayfiOwer, and :
stood in front ov the CRATE landscape
spred out before them, reaching from Z
the bOisterus Atlantik to the buZZum
ov the plaintiff Pacifick, they brought
with them, among other tools, the art ]
Ov Citing up in the morning and GO =.
ing tew bed at mite in decent season. I
This art was as familiar to them az
Goldfish for breakfast. !
They knu it bi hart.
"LdReSty."-Henesty IL one Ov the I
arts and sciences. 4
Learned men will tell you that this ! :
IL one Nv Josh Billings in !
fernal lies, and yer hav a perfekt rite y
.ew believe them, but don't.
Honesty IL jist az much an art az .
IL, and never was born with u
4 man any more than the capacity to
speli the word Nebuddkenezzer rite :
The first time Wuz. =
1t took me seven years to master =
This word, and ] and AOer Webster \
both disagree about the right way <
now. y
Sum men are naturally more addik- y
led teW honesty than others, jlst as !,
sum haV better ear for musk, and !;
arm how teW hoist and lower the 8 =
notes more completely than the next . q
man. q
1t was the eleventh command in y
heir catekism. y
They taut it tew their children, their u
young men and maidens, and if q =
yung one waZ emmy ways slow about =
arning it he Waz invited out to the .
zorn-krib, and thare the art waz ex- i i
planned tew him, so that he got hold -
IF the idea fofeYeF amen, y
/ am sorry to stat thate this art il \
lOw lost, or missing. :.
What loss waz here, my country y
men! :,
I pause for a reply. Il
Not word do | hear. :,
Silence liz its epitaph. -
Perhaps some pr0tane and unthiIlk- y y
NO cuSs will eXclaim-''Lst her Tip" | =
AFly tew bed and arly tew rize, is :
aither a thing Ov the past or thing =
hat amt cnm-it certainly don't eX- d
st in theZe parts now, =
1t has not gone itself, butit haZ took v
)ph whole lot ovgood things with it, I
This art will positively never be =
agin; 1t waz the child Ov y
and vigor, and this breed y
" children are like the babes in the q,
wood, AMI deserted by their unkle. y
Honesty is one ov the lost or mis- :,
aid arts-thare may be excepshuns Il
ew this rule, but the learned men all p
,gree that the "excepshuns prove the
.ule." o
The only doubts / hav about this q,
natter is to locate the time very cluss e
when honesty was fust lost. y
When Adam in the garden was II
lsked, " Where art thou, AdGm ?" and v
sfterward explained his absence by u
aging, "ItoGs AFRAID" is as far back y
Is have been able tew trace the first q
ndicashunS Ov weakness in this grand
md noble art. o
| shouldn't be surprized if this art \
never was recovered again during mi :.
lay. II II
IaintsO anxious about it on my own u
recount, for / can manage teW worry Y
long somehow without it, but what n
5 going to become ov the CRATE mass u
" suffering humanity? u
This is aquestion that racks Ini SIM =
lithetic buZZum!
Mr. Jefferson's "Book about the oler- a