Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-01-27

NfS. SAInncHS BrIOAl OuF.
When I married my second wife,
she was dreadful set about going off
on a bridal tour. told her she had
better wait six months or year and
I'd try to go with her, but she said
she'd rather 60 alone-when wo-
man was travelling man was an
out-and-out humbug.
So / gave her seventy-five cents,
and told her to go out and have a
good time. Inever begrudge money
when my wife's happiness is con-
cerned. Ny first wife never could
complain of not going anywheres;
for I'm dreadful fierce to go off on a
good time myself, and always was.
l don't pretend to say how many
times l took her out to see the engine
squirt, and there was no end to the
free lectures / let her go to. The
neighbors used to say: at does beat
all how them SINNERS do go!"
When Signor Blitz was in Skunk
vile, with his wonderful canaries,
he gave my wife complimentary
ticket. ! not only sold that ticket
for my wife, but ] gave her half the
money. don't boast of it though;
/ only mention it to show how much
/ thought of my wife's happiness.
/ don't think any man ought to
get married till he can consider his
wife's happiness only second to his
own. John Wise, neighbor OF
mine, did thusly; and when got
married, 1 concluded I'd do like
Wise.
But the plan didn't work in the
case Of my second wife. No, / should
say not. / preached the subject
kindly:
MATILDA" said I, 81 suppose you
are aware that l am now your lord
and MASTER"
"Not much you amt" said she.
"Mrs. Skinner" replied, "you
are fearfully demoralized. You need
recognizing at once. You are
cranky" And brandished my new
sixty.two-cent umbrella wildly
around her.
She took the umbrella away from
me, and locked me up in the clothes
press.
lam quick to draw an inference;
and the inference l drew here was
that was not success as reorgan'
izer of female women.
After this 1 changed my tactics.
] let her have her own way; and the
plan worked like charm from the
very first. It's the best way of man.
aging wife that l know of. OF
course this is between you and me.
So when my wife said she was
bound to go off on a bridal tour any
how, 1 cordially assented.
"Go, Matilda" said I, "and stay
as long as you want to; then, if you
feel as though you would like tostay
little while longer, stay, my dear,
stay"
She told me to stop talking and 60
up stairsand get her red flannel night
cap, and that bag of penny-royal for
her aunt Abigail.
My wife is a very smart woman.
She was a Baxter, and the Baxters
are very smart family indeed. Her
mother, who is going on eighty, can
fry more fapjacks now than
half those primped-up city girls
who rattle on the piano, or else walk
the streets with their furbelows and
fixings, pretending to get mad ifa
young chap looks at 'em pretty hard,
but getting mad in earnest if you
don't take any notice of them at all.
All! girls amt what they used to
be when I was young; and the fell
lows are worse still. When I went
counting, for instance, l neverthought
Of staying till after 10 o'clock, and
only went twice a week. Now they
60 seven nights In a week, and cry
because there amt eight. Then
they write touching notes to each
other during the day. "Dear George,
do you love me as much as you did
at quarter past II last night? Say
you'do, dearest, and it will give me
courage to 60 down to dinner and
tackle the cold beans, left over from
yesterday"
Well, well, I suppose they enjoy
themselves; and 1t amt for us old
folks whose hearts have got little
calloused, by long wear, to interfere.
Let them get together and court, if