The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-08-06
WIT AND WISDOM.

Why is a firt like an india-rubber
BALI Because she's empty, vet full
Of bounce.
| Why are jokes like nuts? Because
the dryer they are the better thew
crack.
MRs. Partington, hearing Of De-
destrlan's great feat" wondered II
they troubled him in walking.
MosT Of the shadows that cross our
path through life are caused by our
standing in our own light.
An editor never leaves any money az
home for fear of fire, and never carries
any with him for fear Of robbers. nor
deposits it'Tn' any bank for fear of
speculating bank officers.
JENNY, SAID landlady to her help.
the other morning, Jenny, was there
any fire in the kitchen last night while
you were sitting up? Only ju~t A
spark, ma'am, was the reply. The
landlady looked suspiciouSly at Jennie,
but the innocent girl went "a sciub.
bing, and humming katy darling.
MY boy, sail a clergyman, don't
you think it iS wicked e. ca'ch fish on
a Sunday? But hain't sinucd much
yet, said the 10y, without taking his
eyes from the float; hain't had a bite.
FAITm and works were wen illus.
tratod w a vcntursome little SIX year
old boy, who ran into the forest after
a team and rod home on the load Of
wood When a,ked by his mother il
he was not frightened when the team
came down a very steep hill Yes
li-tle but | a>kcl ihr 10 Il 10 help me
and hung on Ike n beaver.
Tue man who raised cabbage head
has done move good than al the meta
physicians in the word, said a stump
orator at a meeting. Then, said a
wag, your mothcr ought 10 have lad
the premium.
SAM - lived on tie banks Of the
Delaware, and was a mighty lunter.
He was plagued with a le4cut rate son
who manifested no preiilrcliun for his
fathers pursuits. One day SaIa's pa
tiencc gave ont entirely, and le ex-
clnimed IN the bitterness Of his norti-
fealiOn, Cuss me, Tom, if you're not
gettin' perfectly worthless you'll nci-
ther hunt nor fish. III be hanged if /
don't send you to $, hool,
AN old gentleman Of seventy wss
going TO be married to girl # seven
teen. One day friend surprised him
tenderly embracing Lis intended |
don't wonder at your astonishment,
said the yonng lady, readily, to the
intruder, you don't generally expect
to find old heads on young shoulders.
The marriage was broken off
WHEN He WAS HALF THROUGH
Jonathan says he couldn't help laugh
ing at an anecdote of man accustom-
ed to make long prayers, who had per
to stay to breakfast. lie prayed aud
prayed, until his impatient guest began
to think Of edging quietly away, and
walking of, but in attempting it he
walked up the old mans son who was
asleep in bis chair.
Two clergymen, one remarkable for
his dry humor, the other for prolixity.
The former asked the latter to preach
for him at his preparatory lecture
He replied that he could not, as he was
busy on a sermon on the golden calf
That's just the thing, was the rejoinder,
come and give US forequarter Of it.
How soon will your father be
through whispered the guest
Has he got to the Jews? asked the
boy in the same tone.
No, said the other.
Well, then he amt half through,
and the boy composed himself again
to his nap; whereupon the guest bolt
ed at once.
ONE Of those odd bits Of wit that
get detached from books and fiUa.
about the columns Of country papers
is worth preserving. IL - the detini-
milton Of a bachelor as a man who has
misse'l the opportunity Of making
woman wretched. Would it not be in
more accordance, however, with the
common sense and common experience
to reverse the epigrLm and define an
old mail as a woman who has missed
the opportunity Of making a man in
sutferably happy.