The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-09-06

h@9 n w estern editor consoled man
who complained that justice had not
been done him, by the remark that it was
very lucky for him."
@g~ a lover being requested by his
sweet heart to get pair Of shoes in the
city, inquired by note if she wanted them
Round or Square Toad" to which she
answered, " Kneither but Picked"
Rg- A traveller relating his adventures
told the company that he and his servant
made fifty wild Arabs run, which, start
ling them, he observed that there was no
great merit in that, "for" said he, I'VE
ran, and they ran after u.s."
BszT In Nevada contemplati7o Dig
ger Indian sat watching a party of base
ball players, who seemed to him to be
working very hard. Turning to one of
them, he asked: "How much you get
one day."
BG@ A precocious boy in public
school out West, who stands high in
geography, was recently asked by his
teacher where Africa was located. He
promptly answered, call over the United
States"
De- Two Quaker girls were ironing on
the same table. One asked the other
what she would take, the right or left.
She answered very promptly, 1t will be
| right for me to take the left, then it will
be left for thee to take the right"
eGP Man proposes, but God disposes
said pious aunt to her over-confdent
niece. "Let man propose to me if he
dare" was the response, and I will dis
pose of him according to my own views
as he suits me-"
Rar" Faith" said Pat, as he was 60
ing along the street with bag of cheese,
IF anybody will tell me how many
cheeses l have in my bag, I'll give him
the whole three" II guess you have
three" said Yankee. "Take them,"
said Pat, "and may the devil maui the
soul ov him wat tould yees."
ED@ A practical joker in Providence,
r. l., the other day engaged and paid
five hand-organists to play one hour be-
fore the door of a nervous butcher. They
did it, despite the offer of the butcher
to pay them 81 each to go away, and
against all his entreaties and threats.
Each organ played different tune, and
the combination was something terrific.
Ia The chairman of an Iowa vigilence
committee, who was instructed to duck
an obnoxious citizen, thus reported to
his constituents: awe took the thief
down to the river, made hole in the ice,
and proceeded to duck him : but he slip
ped through our hands and hid under the
ice. All our efforts to entice him to come
out failed, and he has now retained his
advantage some hours"
BG~ "DU THEY."-A wager was laid
that it was Yankee popularity to ans
wer one question by another. To sus-
tain the assertion down Easter was in
terogated. 81 want you," said the bet
ter "to give me a straight forward an
swer to plain question"
"I kin do it mister" said the Yankee.
"Then why is it New Englanders al
ways answer question by asking one p
"Du they?" was Jonathan's reply"
Ra~ Man wants but little here below
nor wants that little long," is libel !;
man wants everything he can see, or here
ov, and never is willing to let go of hiz
grab. Whenever yu find man who is
thoroughly satisfied with what he has got
yu will find either an ideot, or one who
haz tried hard to git some more and
couldn't do it. The older man grows,
the more wantful he becomes, az hiz hold
on life slackens, hiz pinch on dollar
grows grippy.
S1~ A lawyer once came into court
drunk, when the judge said to him:
Sir, I am sorry to see you in situa-
tion which is disgrace to yourself and
family, the court, and the profession to
which you belong"
This reproof elected the following
collouuy