The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-07-16
WIT AND WISDOM.

A ShLEbkATED prefCner once SAID that
there were three companions with whom YOU
1 should always keep ON good terms-Grpt,
! your wife; second, your stomach third,
your conscience.
A PENNSYLVANIA DutchmAn the other
day refused to answer the census marshal's
f questions. He said: "Dish tings makes
an udder nigger vars. Dose fellers coming
, in 1860 dish Ways made de vars"
II A LANDLORD went to tenant with view
of increasing his rent, and said to him,
"Neighbor, | am going to raise your rent "
"Thank you, sir. was the reply, for am
utterly unably to raise it myself"
A WESTERN paper strikes the names of two
subscribers from cts list, beOause they were
recently hung. Ths publisher says he was
compelled to be severe because he did not
know their present address.
A GENTLEMAN sent lad with letter to
the POstOfhcc,and money to pay the postage.
Having returned with the money, he said,
Guess I've done the thing slick. | see a
good many folks putting letters in the post
Office through hole, and so | watched my
chance, and got mine in for ncthing"
A BLACKSMITH, having been slAndered,
w@ advised to apply TO the court for redress.
He replied with true wisdom: II shall ne
yer sue anybody for slauder. can 20 into
my shop and work out better character in
six months than could get in q court house
in year"
A Young couple had been married by a
Quaker, who after the ceremony, remarked /:
Friend, thou art now ut the end Of all thy
troubles" A few weeks after the young
man came to the minister boiling over with
rage, his wife turning out regular vixen.
IL thought you told me l was at the end of
my troubles! !" 80 did, my friend, but
did not say which end"
"WRY don't you take off your bonnet
when | pass 2" said Mr.. Stirling, an impor-
tant landowner, TO the small sou Of cot
tager who was proceeding to the mansion
house bearing couple of fowls in each
hand. can yen baud the hens" said the
boy, "I'll tax of my bonnet"
We do not know whether anybody has or
has not printe the story which relates how
a certain genial, bald-headed gentleman one,
day went to the Geological gardens. The
weather was very warm and be lay down On
a bench. Presently he fell asleep, and bo
was aroused by a strange feeling Of warmth
on the head. An infatuated ostrich bad
come along, mistaking his bald head for an
egg, settled down with resOlute deteruina-
ton 10 hatch It or sit forever Our friend
yelled for help, until keeper came and led
che disappointed and regretful ostrich away
to its cage.
A HoosrER was called up to the stand.
away Oat west, to testify 70 the character of
brother hosier. Il was as follows:
"HoW long hove you known Bill Bush
qlsvs... s4l,-.t . s.-H--1- ----
"Ever since he was born"
"What is bis general charscterF'
Letter A, No. 1. 'BbOVe par a very
great way ?"
Would you believe him on oath ?"
Eyes stree, on or Of, or any other way"
"What, in your opinion, are his qual6-
cations as to good character ~
"He is the best shot in the prairies or in
the woods; he can shave an eyewinker of
wolf, as far as a shooting iron will carry a
ball he can drink quart Of brandy any
day, and chaws tobacco like hoss +"
A TRAIToRoUs woman avows the belief
that if all the men were in one country and
all the women in another, with q big river
between them, lots Of poor women would be
drowned.
SAW 1T AT LAsr.-A merchant cane in
to printing-ofice a short time since, and
seeing a pilo Of papers laying on the table
it being publication day-unceremOniO
y helped himself to copy, and said
81 s'pose you don't take any pay for Just
one paper p
mot always" was the reply.
Shortly afterWard the printer entered The
merchants store and called or a pound Of
raisins, which was quickly weighed out to
him. The printer took the raisins, saying:
"I s'Pose you don't charge anything when
a fellow don't take but one pound p
"NO," said the grocer, after seeing the
disadvantage under which be was placed by
bis own stingy illiberality towards the print
er, and said
''When get any more newspapers from
printer, I'LL pay for them"
PORTLAND, Maine, claims the champion
mean man, saying be insisted upon being
admitted to panorama at halfpricc because
he has but one eye.
AN exchange says: "Taying to do bust
ness without advertising, is like winking
through pair of green goggles. You may
know that YOU are doing it, but nobody else
does.