Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1870-11-10
Josh Billings Female Remarks.

Dear girls, are you in search of a
husband
This liz bumper, and WI are not
required to say Yes out loud. but
yew all expected 10 throw yure eyes
down unto the erth, Us tho w waz
lookin for pin, and reply to the
interrogatory with kind of draulin
sigh. as tho you waz eatin a oyster.
JUICE and all, off from the haf shell.
Not to press such theam until it
bekums thorn in the flesh. We will
presume, Ito avoid argument) that
yu air on the lookout for sumthin1
in the male line tew boost you in
the uphill Of life, and to keep his
eyes on the breeching when You
begin to 90 down on The other side
OF the mountain. Let me give You
scme small chunks of advice low
tew spot yIre iuter husband
L. The man he is jrllus of ever,
little attenshun which you git from
other fellow,yu will find after yu
are married tu him, luvs himself
more than he duz yu. and what you
mistuok for solisitule. sew will dis
k iver has changed t. Indifference
Jellusy isn'ta heart disease, but u
liver complaint.
, A muStash is not indispensa
hle; it is only II little more hair. and
" good deal like moss. and other
excrescences--o!te does best on
sile that won't raise anything else
Don't forglt that those things which
yew admire in u fellow before mar
riage yew will probably have tew
admire in n husband after, and
mustash will git tew be very weak
diet after long time.
3. Ii Husbands could be took on
trial, az Irish co )lls are. two thirds
OF them would be returned; but
there don't seem to be cny law for
this. Therefore, girls. yu will see
that after yu git Il man, yu have got
tew keep him, even if yu lose on
him. Consequently, if yu have got
any kold vittles in the house, try
EN- on him once in while, during
ACQUIRING Seasons. and eff he swallers
'em well, and sez he will take some
more, he liz man who. when Blue
Monday Gums. will wash we'll.
4. Don't marry Il feller who liz al
ways a telling how hiz mother duz
things 1t is rs hard tew suit these
men as it is tn wean 4 yung one.
5. Ii a young man ken beat you
playing on the pianner. AMI kant
hear Il fish horn playing in the streets
without turning aback summerset,
oe aekount of the music that il IN
him, say ship him; he might auser
to tend babes, but if yu set him to
holm yure gardin. yu will find yew
have got to dew il yureself. a man
whose hole heft lies in music. land |
not VERY hefty i. tha.), amt no.
better fur a husband than seedlitz
powder; but it he iuves to listen
while you sing some gentle hallud.
YOU will find him mellow. and s1ft.
But don't marry enybo1y fur just
one virtue eny quicker than you
would fore man for one fault.
6. 1t iz one of the most tufest
things for female TO he an Old
maid successfully. A graft mauv
hez tried it, and nadia bad job Gift
Every body looks on old mades just
rs tha dew upon dried var"s-ln the
garrett, handy fur sickness--and,
therefore, girls, it amt a mistake
hat W. shood he willin tew swop
'ur eny man who is respected jist
1ecaus his father is. You ha better
1e an old made four thousand years
md then join the Shakers. than to
,uy repentances Mt this price. No L
W man ever made this trade whn
lidn't git either phool. mean Gus.
Or a clown for husband I:
z In digging down into this snb
ect find the diggin grows harder I
he further ! git. II is much easier
ew inform yu who not To marry 1
han who tew, for the reason there ,
z more ov them.
But | must say one thing. girls. I
II spile. If you can find a bright {
vcl, healthy. and well ballasted bov I
looks upon poverty as sassy as
hild upon wealth-who had rather {
it down on the kurb stun, in frunt i
f the Fifth Avenoo Tavern. and y
at ham sanwich than to 90 inside ;
nd run in debt for his dinner and c
is tooth pick--pluck that mistakes '
defeat for victory, mi advice il to
ak him, body and souf-snare him
t onst, for he iz stray trout ov a {
reed very in our waters. Take \
i'm, / say, and bid onto him as "
ornets bid onto a tree. e