The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-08-13
PEPPE.S AND SALT.


condiments pepper and salt If they will
permit, we will make it "more binding" by ad-
ding spice and vinegar. Went out to play
base ball the other day and found we could catch
a "ay" a. we'll as moasses--caught ours in our
neat, but not gsudv--mouth. Were Disguised
with playing and tried to umpire game Came
near being "vhsled," on account of weak de.
cisjon, by the State of New jersey" and havn't
dared to be seen on the ball "parstures" since.
80. Had some fun trying to shoot with the air
gun one evening last week. Grasped the wea-
pom fearlessly, were told to shut one eye and
keep the other open; twisted our mouth into
heathenish contortions; couldn't do it; asked
fellow to hold his thumb on one of our eyes he
said he would shut one of his own-it would do
as we'll; presented gun towards the target; the
crowd fell back in CONSERVATION 81 Deans barn,
some what in range, tried to dodge around the
corner out Of sight; small boys held their breath
target quiversd III fright; fired, missed every
thing; but the target. in an agony of fear, rang
the bell on its own hook, and every one said,
''Gosh! If the darn fool hain't made a center
shot" -. Flying ews.harps-musquitoes Sere-
naded the other evening by band of them. Old
Mr.. Skeeter, Mrs. Skeeter, Miss Skeeter and all
the little Skeeters came to see US. Alter playing
a few national airs they stopped "for refresh
lnents." Heard two of 'em talking on the pillow
near our left ear. Said one, Say, Bill, the was
pretty much all 6iA) you just stop here mo-
ment and will 90 down and interview that
fellow, and if he is any account I'll tell you and
you can tell all the rest of the boys, and we'll
20 for him" He replied, "All right, Sis"
From this We inferred that Miss Skeeter was to
visit us. She came along singing plaintive,
clear tenor. Then she settled down on the end
of our 'jolly red nose" Gracefully raising her
off hind - (shem) limb, she proceeded to bore
for OIL In about second she was the sickest
individual you ever saw. Our blood was too
strong for her delicate constitution. She corpsed,
aud now nearly all the mosquitoes in our neigh
borhood wear Grape on their bills -. An ex.
change says: Boys are around wearing base
ball mustaches-nine on side" We have seen
them worn in that way here, nine hairs on
side, and distributed in the same relative dis
tance and order Of position. The sickly but
ambitious youths have our wa-mest sympathies; ;
but the girls object to s,tch. When they kiss
anything in the dark they prefer to feel on their
cheek positive and ticlIesome mustache They
know they are neither wasting kisses On each
other, nor on some incipient little boy, but on
genuiue "feller." It may be naughty-awful
naughty, but it is 50 gce, and besides it is ever
So dreadful soothing. So they tell us :. Mad
dogs are said to be around We offer the follow.
ing advice on this subject: If dog should bite
you, bite him, then capture the dog and chain
him up. If he dies fist you can safely bet you
have given him the hydrophoba, and thereby
obtained revenge in advance. Should you die of
hydrophobia afterwards, your friends will have
the consolation of knowing what dog you caught
it from. In either case you will have sure
thing on the disease. As good preventive of
hydrophoba, the safest plan is to hold your dogs
head under water, half an hour for poodle, an
hour for blaGk-and-tan, and 10 on, in proper
ton to the size Of the dog. Should the dog
struggle violently when in the water, it is sure
sign he "nsvsr takes water in hisn," consequent. +.
ly he must have the hydrophobia. Then you
must hang on until he gets use to it. If dog
bites you at all, it is sure sign he is mad-mad
enough to bite. and the probabili ties are that
you will be mad too-mad enough to murder
him 80. A prominent candidate for Congress in
this district is called by his not over warm
friends, 1.-The Pale Blonde" They are mad De.
cause he was the Cook who roasted their goose
it was cross old fowl, and Snapped at every.
thing One day lately couple OF young
braves got into dispute about-nothing After
calling each other all the bad names they could
think of, they agreed to 'come out in the alley,
d-you." When they arrived there and pull.
ed off their coats, one fellows courage, like Bob
Acres, "went back on him" and he humbly said,
Say, now, here, I'll treat the crowd and quit ~
And he did. He was sensible. That was much
better than q black eye. or chawed ear :. We
owe Simon Bros. many thanks for IA couple OF
splendid L strings for our violin. We make all
the dogs in the neighborhood howl when we
play, we'll bet you. 80. There was u Franco.
Prussan war on La Sale stree, lately. A couple
Of gentlemen from over the Rhine met gentle.
man from France, just after the news of Ma.
poleon's defeat. The dentScherS were eluted, and
one said: "Hsllo, you France.mau. yoa fellows
over dare, can't fight noting You just run
away like der tuyfel." Tho Frenchmla, perhaps
already mad made briet answer: "Sac.r.r.e !"
and there was as lively II fight us you ever saw
for couple Of minutes, but the Frenchman find
ing the odds too heavy against him, fell back in
,vo,a nrd,r p,, - I, s,l,ci;l ,h;n,r D., has.