Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-10-07
EsEZagOr.


ANY lapse but collapse.
Minor itcms-the births.
Warfare-army ratlons.
A dead language-obituarles.
A pair of tights-two drunkards
A bad policy-one that has run out
An essay on mana woman's attempt to
marry him.
An effective drop scene-an execution on
the gallows.
Metallic currency-carrying about a brass
face.
Fall opcnings-the coal holes on the side
walks
Verv fond of match games -Incendia-
ries.
A chasm too many writers fall into-sar-
casm.
How to make clean sweep-wash him.
Welcome lines to the ladies-mascullnes.
Blunderbuss right kiss to the wrong
woman.
Rolling stock capital invested in bow
ling alleys.
Bold stroke for a misunderstanding his
wife.
To have bang up timo-be present at
steamboat explosion.
When is a milkman like James Fisk Jr.?
When he waters his stock.
An obliging class Of observation-disclosures
who attend to every ones bidding.
Entertainments are the first care in war
retrenchments in peace
Men are generally like wagons; they rat
tie prodigiously when there is nothing IN
them.
A handsome dress pattern never arrest
woman's attention. She always goes buy
Laws, like sausages, cease to inspire res
Dect in proportion as we know how they are
made.
An Iowa Doctor told man that he had a
diagnosis of the polyphemus, and it scared
him SO he shot himself dead.
The difference between a baby and coat
is this: The coat is what you wear, and the
baby is what you We're.
A little girl was heard to wish the other
day, that she was boy SO she could swear
when she dropped her books in the mud
Twenty married women in this country
propose to become preachers. Heretofore
they have only been lecturers.
The young lady who fell dead-in love
with young gentleman-immediately re-
viyed on being asked to name the day.
I'VE know GIRL, says some one, so in
dustrious, that when she has nothing else
to do, she sits and knits her brow
When Saratoga gentleman solicits la
dy to join in the may waltz, he inquiries
i" Will you demonstrate your agility in
whirl?7
A smart boy wasasked by his father what
business he would follow. The marble
business, and [ want ten cents to buy a
stock"
An, Illinois husband laments the loss of
several bushels of apples, shaken prema-
turely from the tree en- which his wife hung
herself
A modest music dealer was recently nom
plused by lady as stout as Parepa Ross.
who inquired, Have you Put me in my
little bed?"
Akerman is still fretting, they say, at the
persistence Of the nsws papers IN spelling
his name with c. The POOR fellow is alb
solutely c-sick.
What cord is it in which you can find
knots that no man living ever tied, and no
man living can unite? Why, a cord Of
wood.
A man lost in the capitol Of Rhode Is
land consoled himself by remembering that
the ways Of Providence are past finding
out.
A man going down hill always gets more
help than when going up. When it comes
to kicking, people arc wont to be very lib
eral.
An immense natural cave has beer dis
covered in Utah. We are expecting to hear
of still another great cave among the Nor
mons.
The man who got wise by eating gage
cheese,h has brother who proposes to become
skillful in the fancy dances by dieting on
hops.
B bex containing black bear was re-
ceived at an express Office in San Francisco
the other day with this description: Black
Bare Ef yew don't want to get bit, kepe
yer fingers outen TIE crax.'
When any prominent official at Wash
ington drinks more whiskey than he can
carry to his department without the aid of
shutter, the nation is informed by tele-
graph that he has been 'prostrated by over
work.
One hot night recently, the sleeping car
on a train gave sudden lurch and threw
the occupant of an upper berth into the
aisle. His companion suddenly awaking
shouted to him asking him if he had fallen
from his bed. NO. was the reply, L have
lust melted and run out
Josh Billings was asked, How fast does
sound travel? His opinion is that it de-
ponds good deal upon the noise you are
making. The sound of dinner horn, for
instance, travels half mile in second.
while an invitation to get up in the morning,
II