The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-03-13
Morning Star and Catholic Messenger.
NEW oRLEANs. SUNDAY. MARCH Is, 1870
WIT AND WISDOM.

are no exception.
Truth il not salad, that it must be
served with vinegar.
Z When does ship tell falsehood When
she lies at the wharf.
Good gracious, Matilda, but it's cold |!
My teeth are actually chattering." "Well,
aunt, don't let 'em chatter too much, or
they may tell where you bought 'em."
A man called another an extortionist, for
suing him. "Why, my friend, ;" replied the
man who brought the suit, Z" I did it to
obllge YOU" To oblige me, indeed-how
SO 7" Why, to oblige you to pay me-"
The editor of Columbus, Miss, paper
having recently got married, a contemporary
says, I" May his father-in-law die rich, and
enable poor Stevens to retire from the
printing business and set up cake shop at
the railroad station"
A young lawyer in Chataqua county,
New York, having been asked to run for
Congress, declined, saying, It is true that
end have been admitted to the bar; but l
Firmly, though respectfully, decline to take
another downward step.p
A person from the rural district was
walking through Montreal the other day,
when a rough-looking fellow took hold of
3him by the collar, shook him, and insisted
upon knowing the hour. The farmer pulled
EOuC DlSCOl WlCIl Cu0 rcuark, MY 1uau, IL
will be just oneIif / fire."
presents a fashionable and affectionate
couple, the husband searching vigorously
an his waistcoat pocket. The young wife
Hinquires,/ !" Have your lost your watch,
lovef' and he replies, +" No, darling twas
q new bonnet had for you somewhere"
A lcountryman who had never paid more
than twenty five cents to see an exhibition,
went to see the "Forty Thieves" The
ticket-seller charged him seventy five cents
for ticket. Passing the pasteboard back,
he quietly remarked, Keep it, mister; l
don't want to see the other thirty nine,"
and out he marched.
A clergyman, having called up class of
girls and boys, began with one of the for
mer in these words, My dear child, tell
me who made your body9" She had no
idea of the question applying to anything
curtsey, replied, I" Please, sir, mother made
the body, but made the skirt"
girl, keeper of toll gate in England,
was asked ty q swell velocipedist, who
thought to chaff her, how much he had to
pay. "That, SIR" replied she, depends
upon whether you off your dandy horse
and drag it througlSa1secause in that case
horse or an ass, pays three pence"
Six Wisconsin jurors recently voted by
ballot. Juror No. l voted, NO cose of
action - No. 2 voted, +" Salt and battery,
second Decree :" No. 3 deemed the prisoner
" City of salt !" No. decided there was
~ No action of caus - No. ) voted it g as
|Sault and Batory )" while No. 6 decided the
sDrisoner City of an a salt only"
v Fontenelle, when he was at the age of
ninety, passed Nine. Helvetius, whom he
did not see, without saluting her. s. How
little l ought to believe your compliments"
ssaid the lady to him, "when you actually
passed me without looking ut me-" s. Ma
Id8Rne;1 replied the antiquated beau, " if l
fad ID ked at you L never should have
AmAs the latest promotions in the
gle5f'rencH army was one of Captain OF the
Guard4 who was elevated to the rank of
Comm:t dant. On hearing the news, his
little ghi began to sing and dance and clap
her hand,. What makes YOU so glad ?"
Inquired, her mother. ny, if papa is
! CommanLant, there will be music at his
z funeral. y ~-----
Toledo German, who had kept a saloon
/ for the accommodation of printers, has had
& to suspend on account of the customary
i impecuniosity f.sthe craft. Here is Il list
i of some of his customers, as found on the
books Der lain brinter," " Der lcetle
brinter,'' :" Der Ben Putler brinter,'' " Der
sTivel,'' Der brinter NIT der red hair"
~ Der brinter init der hair not shoost so
red
u An editor, meeting party of settlers the
5other day in Texas, inquired from the. con-
1ductor what the men in the first wagon
were intended for. ''To clear the land"
s<sAnd what are those in the second for ?"
~ To build the huts, was the reply. "And
the old white headed man in the third
wagon what is he for 2" "Oh, that is my
Ifather-we shall open our new cemetery
with him."
/ This anecdote is as good as it is old: A
college professor encouraged his geology
class to collect specimens, and one day
they deposited q piece of brick, streaked
and stained, with their collections, think
ling to impose on the doctor. Taxing up
the specimens, the professor remarked,
20 This is a piece of baryta from the Cheshire
mines; this is q piece of field-spar from the
Portland queries; and this" holding up.
the brick, "is a piece of impudence from
some member of my class"
AS train was about to start from one of
the stations near Glasgow, day or two
ago, the attention of the station master
platform, and crying out that she wanted
her "mither," who had entered one of the
Marriages. The station-mas very kindly
made search for the mother, and was anxi-
Ously assisted by the guard and the porters
In his efforts. The search excited the at
fention of the occupants of the various
Marriages, and their observation was drawn
10 what was going on. While all were on
fsptoe of expectation, the mother was dis
Eeyered, and the discovery made known TO
HSth .little GIRL who thereunon Shoutad