Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1870-06-30
M-IsCELLANEOUs ITEMS.

HARD TO BHAT-CarpeE
THE KITCHEN GAaE-Poker.
THE PLACE FOR LAwYERs-Sioux city.
AN agreeable person is defined @as n
who agrees with you"
THEATRICAL MEM-The first walking
gentleman Adam.-Fun..
How to get the exact weight of a fish
Weigh him in his own scales.
A Texas murderer wants his execution
delayed because he is in poor health.
SOMETHING tha most people would like
g little longer-strawberry short-cake.
The Boston Journal q 1Decoration
Day with the ladies lasts the year round"
NHE Washington Life avoids the faults
of both mutual and stock companies
goMEBoDY says women make very good
street-sweepers when they are trained to
do il.
TIE tickets for the grand ball given the
Boston excursionists in San Francisco
were $25 each.
Four boxes govern the world-the car
fridge box, the ballot box, the jury box,
and the band box"
THE President of the Oldest Life Insur-
ance Company in New York is insured in
the Washington Life.
A vNEGAR-HEARTED old bachelor says
U0 d1WdYSV pOhS u buS nCd0 VI LII
riages" for the news of the Scedk.
IT is said that the reason there are so
many muttonheads in existence is to be
found in the fact that such a number of
children are perfect little lambs"
A WORTH missionary in India says that
his congregation had not yet experienced
any trouble from the pew system, as they
were accustomed to sit on the ground.
A FOOLISH fellow advised a friend not
to marry . poor girl, as he would find
matrimony without money uphill work"
"Goose," said his friend, al would rather
go up hill than down, any time"
"IsAY," said a Yankee to an Irishman
who was digging in q garden, "are you
digging out q hole in that onion bed?"
"No," said Pat, Pm digging out the dirt
and leaving the hole"
A WASHINGTON belle says: ain walk
ing up a long room when the women who
don't like you are looking at your back,
there is a moral support conveyed by a
Paris dress not to be derived from the
frmest religious principles"
LOVERS of tobacco are now designated
"Tobaccophagoi," and the qualification of
their tastes in this regard, which ignorant
people call "chawin," or "smokin'," is
~phagonism."
A RICH old uncle who had two nephews
left his will as follows: "To my nephew
William, I leave my whole fortune, be-
cause / know he will bestow it on the
poor. To my nephew Albert, / leave moth
ing, for the same reason"
THE Rev. Peter Cartwright, of Illinois,
having been an itinerant Methodist preach
er for sixty-six years, and a Presiding
Elder for fifty-one, has become feeble, and
says he can't preach any more; all he
can do Is to talk"
a TRAVELLER who has crossed the At
lantic, tells q story of a storm, when the
rain poured down in such torrents that
the ocean rose ten inches. "There'sno mis-
take" said he, because the captain kept
a mark on the side of the vessel"
In the old time a Connecticut pastor
declined an addition of 800 to his salary
for the reason, among others, that the
hardest part of his labor, heretofore, had
been the collection of his salary, and il
would kill him to try to collect 500
more.
For the night sweats of consumption, 6
leading Partisan physician employs phos
phate of-lime, in daily doses of from thirty
to ninety grains, with success, it is said
This suggests that perhaps a limestone re
gion Is a good place of residence for {
consumptive.
A YOUNG gentleman recently found
himself in company with three young
ladies, and generously divided an orangI
amongst them. "You will rob YOURSELF
exclaimed one of the damsels. "Not a
ALL" replied the innocent; al have thre,
or four more in my pocketT'