The Placer herald., 1870-04-02
PHILLIPS FIRST STORY.


Mr. Phillips bld fair to lose his mind en-
tirey. lie danced and sung and fred guns
from the top Of the corn-house, whl,lled
Yankee Doodle while eating bis breakfast
and wrung the necks of all the fowls in ths
place to make chicken pie for the cee--
braton.
This worthy couple bad been married ten
years, aod this was :heir first chiId People
had laughed at them ten years on account
Of this luck-people who were overrun with
children, and whose lives were made miser-
able 10y the spanking and seedlings they
found 1t necessary to inhict upon their
wretched little olive plants
Now Mrs. Philips said she guessed they'd
laugh OUT OF the other side. There had
never been so large a BABY born in Smith
field before. Mrs. Joness ouly weighed
niue pounds and had pug nose. Mrs.
Sawyers was red haired, had male on its
right foot-a sure sign that it woull come
to a bad end-aud it only weighed seven
pounds and fourteen ounces. She guessed
folks bad better look TO home before they
laughed.
Baby proved to be Tartar. He bad a
tchlpSi 'ho Il "iUu' tnl'i dHu eteInei utlel-
mined to deveope bis feet aud lungs to the
utmost while he bad es re, for he screamed
and kicked twenly-lbree hours out Of the
twenty-four
Bu. his mother declared he was an angel.
We could never imagin an angel with
puffy red cheeks, heels elevated in the air,
sucking sugar rags, and being pounceG
about IN a willow cradle to the tune Of III Q
diddle-dee," but then our Imagination is
not by any means so vivid as it might be.
From the hour in which the baby was
born he was the Autocrat Of the Household;
everything had to bow to his nod.
The scuIery door creske1; it was in the
draft all the time, because the cresk might
disturb the baby. For the same reason the
cotfee-miIl was moved into the woodshed;
the dishes must be washed out of doors
the calter of The plates made baby scream !;
the washing was done in the barn; the dog
was muzzed and the cat choked all from
tear of disturbing the baby.
Mr.. Phillips gave a blacksmith who was
located within quarter OF mile, one hun
dred dollars to move his shop; aud Blddy
was moved to the cockIofl Of The woodshed
on account of her snoring.
The childs diseases were legion. It was
wonder that it could draw its breath with
so many ailments cInging to it. MIS-. Phil
lips was continually on the watch for some
new demonstration.
Charles ! cried she. waking her hus and
from sIumber one cold winter night, i,
seems to me the baby don't breathe just
right
Mr.. Phillips sprang up and listened,
Good gracious; hes got The suufllss. aiu't
he g
oh, dear what shall we do if baby is
going to be sick I?
Mr.. Phillips got light. and the anxious
parents brought it to bear on the face OF
their child.
"Oh, heavens!' criel his mother, his
face is actually purple he's going to have
the scarlet fever See lha. red spot Gu lis
elbow"
1T may be where he's laid on it" said
Mr.. =.
Laid on il oh, you unfselog man you
unnatural father! And there IT'S suck log
irs thumb! I've known from the first !,
would not live, it sucks it's lhumb SO ,nucb!
Seems to me I've heard my mother say
it was sign Of healthy child to suck lis
thumb, but | won't be certain. Any way,
it's good sign or bad one. | iorget
which,
Ran, Charles run for doctor, It's going
to die know it, Oh, don't stop to dress
don't it may die while you're waiting. Call
for Granny Bates aud tell her to bring me
some catnip, and satfron, and rue, aud pep
permint-le her to bring all the herbs he S
got and to hurry, Charles, do! Mercy on
US is sucking both bis thumbs! hun
run
Mr. Phillips caught up the first articles OF
clothing he could lay bis hands on. which
proved TO be an embroidered petticoat Of
bis wife, but he was 10 too much haste and
altogether too much excited TO notice dress
particularly He flung the garment over
bis head, and lied it around his walst-sllp-
ped on bis shoes and then plunged out iuto
the keen air The doctor was asleep aud
did not care about turning out, but on being
told that it was a case OF life aud death he
yielded at once.
Mir. Phillips left bim dressing, and sped
TO the residence of Granny Bates. The Old
lady was wise, but she was dreadfuly super
sttous, and believed reigiously in warnings
and apparitions. Phillips gave laundering
rap at the door, and directly a nighl-capped
head appeared at an upper window.
What do you want at this time o nj ght
and who be ye 2 SAID cracked voice.
Phillips stepped out and stood plainly
revealed by the light of dim moon.
Good gracious massy!' cried tie old wo
man, ITS an apparatus from t'o.her world
And it's got a scoIloped petticoat on. Land
didn't think they wasted their time on
such vaner,es as that are
'I's lying" exclaimed Phillips. Cons
down quick,
Not q! amt SO green as to trust my
old body with a supernatural ghost" and
down went the window with bang. Phil
lips pounded at the door Till he was tired
and then made tracks for home. Dr. Gray
bad just arrived. Mrs. Phillips was prepar-
po 10 90 into nv erjcs ~ soon as shs heard