The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1870-04-22
Josh Billings Papors.
MARRIAGE.

Marriage is fair transaction on the
very face of it.
But there is quite too often put up
jobs in it.
1t izan old institution, Older than the
pyramids, and as phull ovhyrogliphics
that nobody can parse.
History holds its tongue who the pair
was who fust put on the silken harness
and promised to work kind in it thru
thik and thin, up hill and down and
on the level, rain or shine, survive or
perish, sink or swim, drown or float.
But whoever they wuz, they must
hev made good thing out oft, or so
menny ov their posterity would not
hev harnessed up since and drove out.
Thare is CRATE moral grip to mar
riage; it IL the mortar that holds the
sooshul bricks together.
But thare amt but darn few pholks
who put their money in matrimony
who could set down and give a good
written opinyun whi on arth they cum
to do it.
This liz IA crate proof that it is one ov
them natral kind ov acksidents that
must happen, jist az birds fly out ov the
nest, when they hav feathers enough
without being able tew tell why.
Sum marry for buty, and never dis.
kover their mistake; this IL lucky.
Sum marry for money, and don't see
| it,
Sum marry for pedigree, and feel big
for six months, and then very sensibly
cum tew the conclusion that pedigree
amt no better than skimmilk.
Sum marry becawse they have beer
highsted some where else;this IL eros.
match, bay and II sorrel; pride may
make it endurable.
Sum marry for love without cent in
their pocket, nor drop ov pedigree
This looks desperate, but it is the
| strength Of the game.
If marry fur love aint success then
matrimony is ded beet.
Sum marry because they think vim.
min will be scarce next year, and live
tew wonder how the crop holds out.
Sum marry to get rid of themselves,
and discover that the game was one
that two could play at,and neither win
Sum marry the second time to get
even, and find it gambling game
the more they put down the less they
take up.
Sum marry to be happy, and not
finding it, wonder where all the hap.
piness goes to when it dies.
Sum marry, they can't tell why, and
live, they can't tell how.
Almost everybody gets married, ant
it is good joke.
Sum marry in haste, and then 81
down and think it carefully over.
Sum think it over CAREFUL fust, anC
then set down and marry.
Both ways are right, if they only hit
the mark.
Sum marry rakes to convert them
This IL little risky, and takes smart
missionary to do it.
b'hA 'hti' NoltSt'os iihN
buying a poor farm heavily mortgaged
and working the balance of your days
to get clear ov the mortgages.
Married life has its chances, and this
izjust what gives it its flavor. Every,
body loves to phool with the chances
bekause everybody expects tew win
But am authorized to state that every
body don't win
But, after all married life IL full AZ
certain as the dry good business.
No man can swear exactly WHARF hi
will fetch up when he touches calico.
Kno man kan tell jist what it has
made up its mind to do next.
Calico don't know even herself.
Dry goods o all kinds liz the child oy
circumstances.
Sum never marry, but this iz jist as
risky; the disease is the same, with
another name forit.
The man who stands on the banks
shivering, and darsant, is more apt tew
catch cold than him who pitches hi,
Htuu luSt lulO llle TlNpr,
Thare is but few who never marry be
kause they won't-they all banker, and
most of them starve with bread before
them (spread on both sides, just for the
lack of grit.
Mdi1y yOan9! is mi motto.
hev tried it, and kno what / am
talking about.
If emmy boldly asks yu whi yu got
married Qf it needs be- tell him yol
don't reckOlect.
Marriage is safe way to gamble--if
you win, you win a pile, and if you
lose, you don't loze amy thing, only
the privilege of living dismally alone,
and soaking your own feet.
l repeat it, in Italics, marry young
Thare is but one good excuse for a
marriage late in life, and that is--Sec-
Ohd marriage.