Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1870-05-06
nnlpGQns.
Wax is Canada like eonrtehip Because
it bordera on The United States.

LHIMSEf sweeping must he very agreea-
bis business, for ii soals everybody who tries
Wax may one be certain that Noah was
not Jew? Because be took Ham into the
Ark with him.
THE ebildren's kiagdom-I-ap land.
THERK il an old fashioned parlor game that
has never been improved upon, and that is
courting
A thorn in the bush is worth two in the
hand.
T#E incongrnity ofthe hour Writing from
furnace heated houses to secure sumner
lodgings on the seashore and among the
mountains.
WHr is The Prince Of Whales ike CHG.
non? Because he's the heir apparent 10 the
crown.
''oUARr bowls Of an aorss and sizes are
advertised by Nantucket shopkeeper.
A DANGEROUS cbaracter-a man who
takes lifen cheerfully.
BAD taste-Pretty young girls kissing Wido.
wers' children.
The artist who is at work on a picture of
Spring, is requested te draw il mild
THERE must be a severe drouth IN Spain
they have had no reign there for a long time.
Hush money-The price Of the family era
die
AS old lady, hearing somebody say the
mails we're very irregular, said: 1T was just
50 in ny yonng days-no trusting any Of 'em. y
A NAx's wife Is his best lawyer, his best
judge, his best adviser aad the cheapest and
most reasonable.
'.BoY, what is your nance Robert,
SIR Bot l mean your other nanse2'' ''Bob,
SIR
The good deed that most sons prefer theE
father should leave behind them, are real
estate deeds.
MANY ladies who profess an enthusiastic
love of nature sit in their parIors as if ex-
pecting him to make call.
WOMAN prisoners in Iowa have all the
rights of men. They are set to breaking
stone
IT is very wellfor little children to be Ike
lambs, but very bad thing for them to grow
up sheePish.
"HURsr, mamma said little innocent
with his finger cut; "hurry it is leaking"
YoUSG gentlemen who are fascinated by
the "curl of the period are styled switch
tenders.
The spring style Of bonnets is described
as something like sunfower on the peak
Of a hsystack."
THE most popular edition Of the Young
Woman Guide-youug men from seventeen
to twenty-five.
A YOUNG lady in Chicago made bet ofa
kiss the other day, but the bet was declared
null because she didn't put up the stakes.
A CONTEMPORARY speaks of the result of a
6ght between two women as being that "both
were badly wounded in their toilette. I"
A California paper says that the Japanese
"will win universal respect by sort of heath
enish habit they have Of minding their own
business
A California paper heads an article, Re
markable GOODNESS of young lady. She
passed another woman and never turned
around TO sneer at her bonnet
SUSPICIOUS IR1sHNAN.-A raw Irishman,
just over, went into restaurant, and was
asked by the waiter what he would have
"Why, somethiu' to ate, av coorse, was
the reply.
A plate of hash was placed before him.
''Fots thst?'' demanded he.
'fThat's wittIes. was the answer.
He eyed the compound suspiciously for
some time, and finally exclaimed:
"Be jabers, the man that chewed that can
jist ate itl''
A PARTING GIsT.-What can give you
for keepsake, my dearest John?'' sobbed
out a sentimental girl TO her scapegraee lover
about to join his ship.
''Give, my angel l'' cried Jack, in some
confusion. 'Hem-wby-wby, you've not
got such thing as FIVE dollar bill, sup
pose, about you !"
81 AN ToLD, said a gentleman to his
friend, "that Ned has married the girl that
discarded him."
"Oh, l am so glad am SO delighted
But, no: why should be The poor fellow
never did me any harml'
IT Is perfectly natural that physicians gen
orally should have greater horror of the sea
than anybody else-because they are more
likely to see sickness.
OF all the dust thrown in mem & eyes, gold
dust is the most binding.
A Boarding House Keeper lately advertised
''board for two gentleman with gas
WHEN is woman's hair ike swan s
breast When it's down.
's4M, did you see the new overseer?'
''Yes, mars; met him down by de cotton
gin."
He's good-lookiug fellow, isn't he?''
"We!, masss, he talks ike good looking
man. He made bow; dat's all he said,
TIE orstor who carried away his audi
enee," "a earnestly and humbly requested to
bring it back, by persons who had friends
present
Az incorrigible loafer being taken to task
for his laziness, replied:
81 tell you, gentlemen, you are mistaken.
| have not got lazy bone in my body, but
the fact is, / tCas born tired.
PUNca's He SIN ole a ghastIy smile, and
Many wink he wunk, has been initiated
BY minstrelwit, who said;-"You sneezed a
snooze and said snoozed it"
''WHr; you better knock the door down.
What do you want?'
"ocb, my darling don't let me wake any of
your family. I'm Just using your knooker to
wake the people next door. I'm locked out,
dye see; and they We niTer knoeker.n
Rap rapl rap