The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-10-08
PEPPER AND SALT.

For poor printing 20 to the Republican Office,
in this city. 2sB- printing is their best holt.
The FREE TRADER docs first class printing, and
takes first premium every time 80. The water
works are "workin." Boat loads of 'stun" are
coming, and more expected 80. Mead, the popu.
lar HI clerk of this city, has gone east That
will make il red hot for the east -. The Repub.
lican says: IT. Hampton, Esq, one of our pre-
decessors, returned to Ottawa on Saturday last
on visit to his friends" A predecessor of the
Republican! That explains it. He looked dread
fully ashamed Of something. OF course that's
what allied him. 49, To illustrate the difference
between Ottawa and Joliet restaurants: A few
gentlemen called at class restaurant in Joliet
q few days ago and ordered breakfast. One fel.
low was rash enough to order pork steak. The
proprietor Of the ranch had to 60 two miles to
wake up the butcher to kill hogs. The hog had
got out of the 'parster" and wandered some miles
from home 1t took Two days to find him. Then
they had no hot water to scald him. There was
no powder to put in the gun to shoot him with,
and the landlord Of the restaurant got lost in the
woods, and hasn't been seen since, and those
hungry Ottawa boys are beginning to feel kind O.
gaunt-yoa see 80. Went to South Ottawa day
or SO ago and cav our friend, B. N. Boyle, who
gave US the con-peculisrest raddsh we ever saw.
It is three feet long, End looks bad. 1t evident.
ly had started to grew up, like any decent rad
ish, when it saw something awful, got scared
and drew its head in. Then grew out, run around
a stump and came back to see where it came
from. 1t is . curiosity, and now adorns the
sauctum Of Willie O'Neil at Cards .. Legal pro.
ceedings-Young lawyers out late o'nights, and
coming home using such language as the follow.
ing: "Oh, how lovely! Sweet, honey angel !
How deliciou-y sweet she is. I'll get her or
die" and then heavlng deep sigh, oblivious of
all things, be goes to bed with his boots on >.
A woman with seven small children was in town
yesterday, askini. for aid, and claiming to be a
"widdey av the war; She went into saloon
and asked for d rink, "bekase she was wake"
When it was refused she offered ito bate blazes
snt Of the blaguard in the bar !" We have
another letter from the gentleman (which bis
name was Gibson" We have read it. We can
that "the latitudirarianism of the snthropopha.
genians" O':: course; who would not But conse.
quently it fellows as he says: "The eliminated
contractions of the zenith render the corrusca.
tons of infinite space illuminable and Opaque
Exactly. Here however, if you have tears to
shed prepare to shed them now, and if you have
no shed of your swn beErew an umbrella. He
alleges tina, the catechumenical cetechristical
subtii.y of the intricacy of metaphysical and
rhymophasic indyosincracy amounts to crypho-
gramick on comprehensibity But here is
where the laugh comes in. How can he recon-
Gle the OSCILLATIONS of Jupiter with an ordinary
astronomical paradox, or box of SOAP" We
are glad he has written this letter, as it fully
explains hi. other note published last week .. :.
The Ottawa Republican calls us "Beem.ass"
We would much rather be "Beem.ass' Of the
FREE Trader than any of the JACK-AssEs of
the Republican. Essss!