Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1870-08-10
Thrilling Adventure with Wild Beasts
I'm an Express Office.

The life of an agent mas its dangers
and difficulties rs well as pleasures, and
also at times is marked with thrilling es-
cape and wild adventure. The agent that
handles the packages marked " this side
up with care" and in the excitement of
business reverses the position of things,
stands as good chance of being blown
up" as he who carelessly drops can con-
tanning nitro-glycerine. Some queer ex-
press matter is handled occasionally, such
as live rattlesnakes, marked " handle care
fully" brace of fancy fowls, wild cats,
cans, marked boned turkey, which contain
glyeerine and other explosives too numer-
Gus to mention. We have case in
point On Saturday last box resembling
a chicken coop was received at the Titus
vile office of the Union Express Compa-
ny, marked ID. Rice, Titusyille, Pa,
lhalf-dozen grapes). Do not annoy the
contents" At first the attaches of the
company paid but little attention to the
" COOP" which from its marks was sup
posed to contain boxes of early grapes
which the shipper desired handled care
fully TO avoid confusion and decay.
The day passed, but the consignee called
kA-r-A L.. f--4s,. @s.l E.s~---s..~- dis
-tus ~ to the best manner in which 10
collect charges upon the same, when all
discussion was ended by the contents -
of the box making charge themselves
for in the twinkling of the extreme end of
a lambs back bone, several bald-headed,
sweet-seented, mischievous monkeys had
jumped from this Pandora 5 box and taken
.R -. Tf .bo IL
intelligent assistant express agent at some
point had intended TO mark the box half
dozen gray apes but differing from Web
ster in his spelling. had thus caused the
mistake and detention of a box of fruit,
which in reality was a consignment of
moral monkeys for Dan Rice's show, and
which, instead of capering nimbly about
npon the back of the sacred cattle to the
lacivious pleasing of cornucopia at Dams
great show. had been wasting their sweet
ness on the desert air, until hunger and
thirst compelled a raid on the express Of
fee
But no time was lost The doors were
secured, and armed with sticks of sealing
wax, money packages, and G. o. d. pack.
ages, the forces of the company rallied.
and lively chase began. The baboons
chartered, the employees INDUCED them
selves as did the army at Flanders, and
from one end of the office to the other the
tide of battle rolled, while far above the
din Of conflict could be heard the voice of
Robinson giving orders amid the crash of
falling boxes and the smell of singed hair
as the apes dashed over the candle for
melting wax
But the battle is not TO the strong it
1t had been the apes would have carried
the day, for the atmosphere was filled with
a mingled odor of scorched hair and pole
cat. The leader of the What is its sat
down in pool of melted sealing wax, and
in an instant was rooted to the spot A
second was demoralized by a quart bottle
OF ink, which striking him upon the top
knot, showed that if the leopard can't
change his spots the monkey can. A third
ape fell into the glue pot, and was drag
gt or u the tail, with each particular
hair standing on end, like the quilts of
fretful porker swine going to war, and
the glue solidifying as it came in contact
with the air, he quickly resembled a statue
cut in wax and vanished. The animals
were finally all secured and slowed in the
box where they are now quietly engaged
in ruminating upon the fckleness of mans
love-and chewing peanuts. The en-
Ployees of tho express office look pale. and
have the appearance of men who have
passed through Andersonville. but they
propose to conduct the express business in
hrst class manner, and balloons, gorillas,
or other wild denizens of the forest will be
handled with neatness or despatch, as may
be necessary.