The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-04-24
MofnIng Star and Catholic Messenger.

makers. - u
The bump Of destructiveness-Ar ailyoa,
Advice to hens during cold weather
Lay still. : y
When are gloves unsaleable Wher
they are on hand.
Which is the largest jewel in the world
The Emerald Isle
The more checks q spendthrift receives
the faster he goes,
When are soldiers like good flannel
When they don't shrink.
If lady strikes you agreeably, would il
be right and proper to strike back
The man, that drew long breath has
taken another chance in the same lottery.
W0msGss Rights--If she cannot be CAP
tain Of p ship, may she always command a
Why 10 q dog with broken leg like a
BOY IN arithmeticf Because no puts down
three and carries one. ~.
NY friend, have you sufficient conf
denee IN me to lend me dollar Z" Z. Oh,
yes, confidence enough, but no dollar.n
The greatest organ in tbs world - said
wicked old bachelor, sis the organ of
speech IN woman, because it is an organ
without stops.n
An urchin on being rebuked for wearing
couldn't be helped, q toes wiggled and
heclsidid not.n
Mrs. Malaprop was lately induced to
visit 1Jewish Synagogue, aud, in, conse-
quence, has done nothing ever since but
talk Of the Chief Rabbit.
An old maid being at loss for a pin
cushion, made use Of an onion. On the
following morning she found that all the
needles had tears In their eyes.
: "spell cal, ? said = littis girl of five to
ply. Gwen, then,n continued the Youth
full mistress, saf you can't spell cat spell
kitten.n
Mrs. Cupps, of Illinois, recently gave
birth to three fne-looking male children
A coeempOrary attempts q pun by saying
thAs "this was having the he-Cups with
Mrs: Partington was asked, "what
cal church" said the old lady, looking over
hef spectacles, "where.the Divine Word is
dispensed with"
~ F0ote had attacked some pretentious
person for his Characteristic foible. "Why
do you attack my weakest part 2" asked
the assaulted. Did say anything about
your head ~ replied Foote.
A negro parson in the West, preaching
against to love of money, concluded his
", ID.
you can judge what God thinks of money
by the class of people he gives it to-"
A good-natured traveller fell asleep in a
train, and was carried far beyond his desti-
nations "Pretty good joke this, isn't it Z"
sald-he to fellow passenger. eyes, but
a Little too far fetched, was the rejoinder.
t<Edon,s know what to do" exclaimed
perplexed husband; "my wife, if denied
anything, is sure to have fit" "Well,
yon can Offset her fit with one of your own.
In esIth case counter fitting is entirely
jastifable."
A gentleman remarked the other evening
Mt a party, that woman is the most wicked |
thing in creation. "Sir," was the indig-
nant reply of young lady. woman was
made from man, and if one rib is so wicked |
what must the whole body be 7"
Both witty and sharp was that woman of
Baltimore who sent to her grocer these
lines: " Mr.. Tuttle, this here thing has got
too much hemp in it for molasses, ana not
quite enough for a clothes line, SO 1 beg
you will exchange it for purer article"
Jerrold one day said he would make
pun upon any thing his friends would put
to him. Thinking to give him poser, one
of them asked him whether he could pun
upon the signs of the Zodiac; to which he
replied: By Gemini, 1 Cancer.n
In one of our towns the postmaster, by
skliful maneuveriDg, managed to retain his
office through several successive changes in
the administration. Being asked how he
managed, he replied that q it would take a
mighty smart administration to change
quicker than he could" /
a soldier, for deserving, was sentenced
70 have his ears cut off. After undergoing
,he ordeal, he was escorted out of the bar
,ackyard to the tune of the Rogue's March.
He then turned, and in mock dignity thus
the band, "Gentlemen, 1 thank
you, but have no ear for music"
A fellow was one day Boosting of his
pedigree, when q wag, who was present, 1
very sententiously, "Ah, 1 have
40 doubt. That reminds me of a remark
made by Lord Bacon, thaS they who derive
heir worth from their ancestors resemble ,
potatoes, the most valuable part of which
8 underground"
A gentleman asked clergyman for the t
lse of his pulpit for young divine, a rela-
ion of HIS. SO really do not know, - said Z
he clergyman, /" how to refuse you but if 9
he young man can preach better than l I
AN, my congregation would be dissatisfied i
With me afterwards; and if he should
preach worse, don't think he is fit to
reach at all.n f
Somewhere in the West sable knight q
f the lather and brush was performing Che a
peratiOn of shaving a Hoosier with a yery a
ull razor. "Stop," cried the Hoosier.
that won't do" "'What's the matter, d
oss ~ "That razor pulls" "Well, no d
natter for dat, sab. If de handle don't