Weekly Trinity journal., 1870-01-08
SUIT LOvengood's shirt.

The first person met was - Sut, -" after cross
ing the Hiwassee, weaving and moving along
his usual rambling, uncertain gait. His appear
ance satisfied that something was wrong.
He had been sick, whipped in a tight, was
just outgrowing one Of his big drunks. But on
that point was soon enlightened.
"Why, Sut what's wrong now2'
" Heaps wrong-dern my skin if amt most
ded. Lite off that boss, George, and take a
ing flask at me, and plant yourself On that ere
log, and III tell you if kin, but it's most be-
yond my telln'. | reckon I'm the darndest fool
out'n Utah, 'cept my dad, for he acted boss,
an't done that yet-allers in some trap that
couldn't ketch sheep. II! drown myself some
day, see If don't jest to stop the family disper-
sition to make cussed fools of themselves" "
" How is it Sut, have you been beat playing
cards, or drinking, which is it ?'
Nary one that can't be did in these parts ;
but seein it's you. George, I'll tell you, but |
swar I'm ashamed-sck-sor sorry - and -. and
and-mad-l am. You know | boards with Bill
Carr, at his cabin the mountain, aud pays
for sch as gifts, when | hev the money, and
when hevent, why, he takes one-thrd out in
cussin' and she, that's his wife Bets, takes out
toher two-thirds with the bilin' stick, and the
intrust with her tongue, and the intrust morn n
the princpal-heap more. She is the cussedest
oman | ever seed, anyhow fur jaw, breedin' and
pride. She can scold a blister into bulls face,
right on the curl in two mnits She outbreeds
everything on the river, and patterns arter every
fashion she hears tell on, from bustles to
breeches. Oh, she one on EN-, and sometimes
two or three.
Well, ye see ! got some bum-made cotton
truck to make shurt outen, and coaxed
Bets too make it fur me, and about the time it
wnr dun, here comes the lawyer jackson along
and axed for breakfus-I wish it had pizened
him durn his hide nd I f,r
she cooks awful mixings when she tries. I'm
pizen proof myself, (holding up his flask and
peeping through it, or would been ded long
ago."
well, while we eatin' she spied out
that his shurt was stiff and nifty slick, so she
never rested till she wormed it outen him that a
preparation of -four did it, and she got IA few
particulars about the proceedings outen him by
'omans arts-l don know how she did it, per-
maps he does. Arter he left she set in and billed
big pot of paste-nigh unto a peck of it, and
soused in my shurt and let it soak in a while,
then she tuck it and roned it ont fiat and dry,
and sot it up on its edge agin the cabin in the
sun. Thar it stood as stiff as a dry boss hide,
and ratified like sheet of iron, it did. 1t was
pasted together all over. When come to din
ner nothin' would do but must put it on
Well, Bets and me got the thing open arter some
hard work, she pullin, at one of the tails, and
me at tother, and got into it. Durn the ever
lasting new tangled shurt, say, felt like had
crawled into new bee gum, and it full of pis-
ants but 1t wur like lawyer Jackson's and
stood it like man, and went to work to build
Bets an ash hopper. / worked powerful hard,
and sweat like a boss, and when the shurt got
wet it quit hurtin."
Arter got done tuck about four fingers of
red he'd, and crawled up into the loft to take
snuze."
Well, when walked up thot was ded. or
had the collery, for all the jints | could move
wer my ances, wrists and knees couldn't even
move my head and skasely move my ears-the
cussed shurt was pasted fast onto me all over,
from the pint of the tail to the pint of the
broadax collar over my ears. 1t sot to as
close as poor COW does to her hide in March
lsquirmed and strained ill sorter got it broke
at the shoulders and elbows and then | dun the
durndest foolish thing ever did in these noun
talns, shuffed my bTeeches off and tore loose
from hide about two inches of the tail all around,
In much pain ana tribulation. Oh but it did
hurt. Then took up a plank outen the loft
and hung my legs down through the hole and
nailed the aidge of the front tail to the floor
before me, and the hind tail nailed to the plank
wot sot on. unbHttoned the collar and wrist
bands, raised my hands wav 'bove my head shut
my eyes, said grace and jumped through to the
ground floor"
Here Sui remarked sadly
George, I'm a durnder fool than ever dad
of these days, see ef don't"
Well, now, go on SUIT did tho shirt come
OFF,"
"I-t-h-i-nk-i-t-d--d. heard a noise sor-
ter like tarin shingle roof off house all at
onct, and felt like my bones were all that reached
the floor ] staggered to my feet and tuck
look at my shurt. The nails all belt their holt.
and thar it war hangin', arms down. inside out
and AS stiff as ever. 1t looked like a map of
Mexico jist arter one of the first battles-a patch
OF my hide about the size Of dollar and a-haf
bill here and a bunch Of my har about the size
of birds nest thar then some more skin
then some paste then some more bar then
heap of skin; and then so on all over that
burned new tangled, everlasting internal cuss
of "A SHIRT. 1t was picter to look at and so
was |. The hide, har and paste were about
ekally divided atween me and hit Wonder
what Bets, durn her, thort when she cum home
and found me missing, spect she thinks crawled
into thicket and died of my wounds 1t must
heV skeered her good, for | tell YOU it looked
like the skin of some wild beast torn off alive,
a bag what had carried a load of fresh beef
from shooting match.
Now, George, il ever ketch that lawyer
Jackson out, I'll shoot him, and if ever an oman
talks about tatnin a shurt 70, me agin, durn my
everlasting picter eff don't fatten her. It's ri
tributien sartin, the biggest kind of "A preachers
rltr6ution. Do yOu remember my drvn' dad
thro. that hornets nest, and then inter the
kreck ?"
eyes"
i' Well this is what comes of it. III drown
myself some of these days, see eff / on't-ef I
don't die from that awful shurt Take a horn
and don't you try sticky shurt as long as YOU
live,"
GERMAN scientific journal recommends laun-
dresses to use hyposuphte of soda in place of
common washing soda. 1t does not attack the