The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1870-04-28
HUMOROUS.

term of their married life. At last the
husband was taken i'll and evidently about
70 die. His wife came to his bedside,
where, after she had seen his condition, tbs
following eolloquy ensued:
IVY, daddy, yoc. feet are cold, and
your hands are cold, and your nose il
cold I"
"Wal, let 'em be cold"
"Wy, daddy, you'r re goin' to die"
oval, guess l know wot I'm bout.
IVY, daddy. what's to becun OF me it
you die 2"
Dunno. and don't care! What want
to know is, ,oats to bccum OF met
CoURTING BY TELEGKAPH.-N IL said
that young German out west sent By tel
eeraphic cable . propo sal Of marriage to .
young fraluein in the old country, and re-
ceiyed her consent by the same medium.
This reminds one Of . scene reported TO
have occurred at the Atlantic telegraph
Office:
Fond Wife TO telegraph cperator)-O,
sir want to send . kiss to my husband
10 LIVERPOOL. How can do it?
OJligtng Operator-Easiest thing in the
world, ma am. You've got to give it to
me with ten dollars, and III transmit it
Fond WJe- II that's the case. the d.
rectors out to put much younger and hand
semer men in your position.
Tableau-operstor indignant.
At a school in the north Of England.
d..sing a lesson on the animal kingdom, tho
teacher put the following question: Can
any boy name to me an animal OF the or-
der of dentata-that is, . front toothless
animal?" A boy, whose face beamed with
pleasure at the prospect Of I. good mark,
replied, Il can I" well, what is tho an
imal?' MY grandmother |" replied the
boy, in great glee.
A Louisiana planter delighted his hands
last week by paying them in silver quar-
ters. One old negro exclaimed: "FedeIit
money come and done gone, and green
backs is played out, but dis is the stuff dat
rats can't claw. De old time has come
agin, hooray! And then he went and
buried his money.
During a Wyoming murder trial, the
murdered man appeared in the court alive
and WE'LL Hos is this 2" said the Judge;
there has been no murder; the man is
alive in court" well, your honor" said
the foreman, "the jury is convinced hat
the prisoner did not murder this man, but
he is a dangerous person. am sure he
stole MY gray mare, and We believe that
hanging him is necessary fox the peace OF
the country"
Last year The internal revenue assessors
got some funny answers to the questions
printed on their blanks. For instance to
the question: "iIad your wife any income
last year," one person replies, "Yes, one
boy" Another, IAN impairment ques-
ton, but mol" A third, ''her husbands
love, and as n 1ch money IS she wants, but
no income" Fourth, "Ycs twins-both
WE'LL willing to DO taxed for Men:F'
Women charm, as q general thing, in
proportion as they are good. A plain lace
with a heart behind it is worth world Of
heartless beauty. Men who tried both,
uniformly agree to this.
If young LADY would win the esteem OF
those whose esteem is worth the winning,
she will not sit in the psrlor occupied with
fancy work while her mother washes dish.
es in the kitchen.
A babe i, a mothers anchor. She can.
not swing far from its moorings. And yet
q true mother never lives so little in the
present as when by tho side CT the cradle.
lcE tnouHnN IOIIOW tne moKneO III
ture of her child. That babe is the boidest
of pilots, and guides her fearless thoughts
down through scenes Of coming years. The
old ark never made such voyoges ~ the
cradle daily makes.
An old gentleman of eighty>four having
taken to the altar young damsel Of about
sixteen. the clergyman said to him: The
font is at the other end OF tho church."
What do l want with the font?" said
the old gentleman.
oh | beg your pardon" said tho
clerical wit, II thought you had brought
this child to be christened.
A youth altar vainly striving to explain
some scientific theory to his fair enamorata,
said:-''The question is difficult. and l
don: see what l can Go to make it any
clearer, Suppose you pop it," whis-
pered the blushing damse].
CURE FOR LoyE.-Hide in closet and
listen to a conversation between those who
have been married year while they think
themselves unheaId.
A Boston paper mentions an individual
there who clasps his hands 20 ferycntly 10
prayer that he can't get them open when
the contribution box is passsd-round.
"Woman is q delusion r. exclaimed
crus,y old bachelor to witty young lady.
And man is always hugging some dslu-
sion or other" was the quick reply.
Get your life insured for ten thousand
dollars" said . jealous insurance agent,
and then, if you die Tomorrow, the Wild
ow heart will sing for JOY"
The dearest spot on earth is home"
the song being believed. Mr.. Pegget says
it's ,rue-costs him twice Is much as any
other spot
"Gerty. my DEAR" said Sabbsth school
teacher to one of her class, you were
very good girl to day." Yes nj could
Mt help bein' good; l got a tiff neck"
said Gerty with perfect seriousness.
DO you believe in second love, Misther
McQuade p DO l believe in second
love? Humph if man buys a pound Of
sugar, isn't it sweet? and when it 8 gone
don't he wan, another pound. and isn't that
pound sweet. too? Troth, Murphy, be,
lieve in second love"
The first lines of a hymn given out at .
prayer meeting SO excited the curiosity Of =