The Placer herald., 1870-12-03
NUMBER Is.
Odds and Ends.

A DANGEROUS CHARACTER-A man who
takes life cheerfully.
The Cincinnati mode Of getting nd Of
mothers-in-law is greasing the cellar stairs.
A LOUISVILLE paper, six months establish
ed, has had four libel suits and duel 30 far.
ABOUT the only person that we ever heard
of that wasn't spoiled by beiBs honized was
jew named Daniel.
THE first lady who ever entered Salem by
railroad arrived the other day. She came
in ON the COW catcher.
A MODEST young woman stopping at a ho-
tel in Hartford, refused to sleep in = room
panneled with birdseye maple.
IT is currently reported and generally be-
lieved of the female sex that they do not
scruple TO hook each Others freeks.
THE importont and exciting asc4igence of
the suppression ofa dog and rat fight in New
York soloon, is flashed over the wires, and
thrills the Pacific Coast ---RuraI.
els MoLAssEs good for a cough?" inquired
a youth with slight cold. at ought to
be- was the reply, sit is sold for consump-
ton.
THE first day little boy went to school
the teacher asked him if he could spell.
"les, sir" "Well, how do you spell boy?"
ooh, Just as other folks do
PARIS, Notwithstanding the presence of
beleaguring army, still maintains its reputa-
ton as the ''gay capital" There never
were so many balls as at this time, and en-
gagements are frequent
A POSTMASTER sends in his returns thus:
81 hereby certify that the four going A count
is as near rite as | no how to make it. If
there is emmy mistakes it is pet dun on Pur-
pose.
THERE are three things in this world that
know no kind of restraint, and are governed
by no laws, but merely by passions and
brutality-civil wars family quarrels, and
religious disputes.
"loU havn't got such thing as a pair of
old trowsers, have you?" No, my man"
said the merchant, 81 don't keep my ward
robe in my counting house." "Where do
you live?" rejoined Pat, "and I'll call in the
morning for the ould pair you've got on.
"Look here, johnny, suppose you had
twenty sugar plums, and wanted to divide
them into four parts. You give five to the
baby and five to Gaylord Now what
would you do with the other ten? Scholar
I'D eat EN-.
A LITTLE three year old girl had been to
store near by and had bought stick of can
dy, which she hugged tightly under her
cloak. why do you keep your candy so
close under your cloak, Oracle dear ?" in
quired the lady "To keep Jack Frost from
biting it, was the little ones reply.
"WHAT are you disturbing the whole
house with your yels in this way for," de-
manded Saratoga landlord of q guest
whom he found late at night seemingly in
active pursuit of invisible foes, and yelling
at the top of his voice. ''Im shouting the
battle-cry of flea dom" answered the guest,
as he went ahead with his search and his
yells.
HENRY CLAY used to say that there were
three classes of people with whom it was un-
safe to quarrel. First, ministers; for the
reason that they could denounce me from the
pulpit and had none through which to re-
ply. Second editors; for they had the most
powerful engines from which they could
every way hun wrath and fury upon me,
and had none through which to reply
And finally, with women; for they would
have the last word anyhow.
A PERSON attending church, took down
hymn as he heard it, and afterward referred
to the hymn book for translation, with the
following result;
WHAT HE HEARD.
''Waw-k kaw swaw da waw raw,
Thaw thaw law waw,
Wawkaw taw thaw waw Draw,
Aw thaw raw jaw saw aw."
THE TRANSLATION.
''Welcome, sweet day of rest
That saw the Lord arise;
Welcome to this revivng breast,
And these rejoicing eyes.
The FELLOW THAT LOOKS LIKE ME.-This
somewhat peripatetic individual, who bears
the blame of the many sins of wicked mar
red men, came to grief in New Orleans a
few nights ago. A respectable lady, going
to church, Uncovered, as she supposed, her
liege lord in the choir, his head very close to
the leading lady singer When the sermon
was over, and the family had gathered
around the dinner table, she inquired:
"My dear do you belong to - street
church choir %
90 no; it must be Stokes; he looks very
much like me-
''lndeed!'
Eyes; he's courtins Miss II -, the
leading singer.
'Indeedp'
go, yes; nice girl"
'She paints, though