The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1870-11-03

MARK TWAIN.
A fewwords abou. one Of his Friend.

elsowhere-is Riley, correspondent Of the
great San Francisco dailics. S't. q
Riley Is full of huhor, and has an I'M
falling vein Of irony, which makes his
conversation to the Last degree entertain
ing (as long as tho remarks are about
somebody else). But notwithstanding the
possession Of these qualities, which should
enable a man to-write happy and an
appetizing letter, Riley's letters often dis,
play q more than earthly sOlemnity, and
likewise, an unimaginative devotion q
petFitied 'iacts, which surprise and distress
all men who know him in his unofficial
character. Z He explains this curious thing
by'saying that his, employers sent him 70
Washington 10 write facts, not fancy, and
TINT several times he has come near losing
his situation by inserting humorous re-
marks which, mot being looked for OF
headquarters and consequently not under
stood, were thought to be darkand bloody
speeches intended 10 convey signals and
warnings to murderous secret societies or
something of that kind, and so were
scratched out with o SILVER and prayer,
and cast into the stove. Riley says that
sometimes no Is so afflicted with q yearn'
ing to write q sparkling and Hbs0rbinglY
readable letter that lie simply cannot re.
sist It, and so hc goes to his den and
revels in the delight Of untramnelled
scribbling; and then, with sutEerib such
as only q mother can know, he destroyes
the pretty children Of his fancy and re.
duccs his letter to tho required dismal &C.
curaCy. Having seen Riley do this very
thing more thar. once, l know whereof |
sneak. Often I have laughed with him
over happy passage and grieved to see
him plOw bis pen through 1t, He would
say: u hid to write that or dtci and I've
got TO scratch 1t out or starve They
wouldn't stand II, you know"
l think Riley is about the most enter.
timing company ever saw. We lodged
together in many places In Washington
during the winter Of 18G7-8, moving COM
forta6ly from place TO place, and attract
ing attention by paying our board-a
course which cannot fail to make per-
son conspicuous I'M Washington Riley
would tell all about his tripto California
in. the carly days, by way Of the 1sthmus
and the San Juan Rivers; and about his
baking bread in San Francisco, TO gain o
living, and setting up ten!pins, and prac-
Using law, and opening oysters, and de-
liyering lectures, and teaching French,
and tending bur, and reporting for the
newspapers, md keeping dancing-schoo
and interpreting Chinese in the courts.
which latter was lucrative, and Riley was
doing handsomely and laying up d, little
money when people began TO find fault be-
cause his transactions were too "free,"
thing for which Riley considered he ought
not 10 be held responsible, since he did
not know word Of the Chinese tongue
and only adopted interpreting as q means Of
gaining an hOnestalivelihOOd. Through
the Vaccinations Of enemies he was re.
moved from tho position Of official inter
prefer, and man put in his place who
was familiar with tie Chinese language
but did not know any English. And III
ley used to tell about publishing a news
paperup in what is Alaska now, but was
only an iceberg then, with population
composed OF bears, walruses, Indians, md
other animals; and how the iceberg got
adrift at last, and LETT all his paying SUBJ
scrtbcrs behind, and, as soon as tho com.
monwcalth tlOated out Of the Jurisdiction
of Russia, the people rose and threw oil
their allegiance, and ran Up the English
flag, calculating to hook on and become
m English colony rs they drifted along
down the British Possessions; but q land
breeze and u crooked current carried them
by, and they ran up the Stars and Stripes
and steered for California, missed the con-
nection again, and sworC allegiance to
Mexico, but It wasn't any use; the anchors
came home every time, and away they
went with tho northeast trades drifting
sideways toward the Sandwich Islands,
whereup pom they ran up the Cannibal fling
aud had n grand human barbecue in hon
or Of il, in which itwas noticed That the
better q man likeda friend the better he
cniOycd him; and rs soon us they got fair-
" within the tropics the weather got SO
learfully hot that tho iceberg began to
melt, and it got so sloppy under foot that
It was almost impossible for ladies 10 get
about at all; and at list, just as they came
in sight OF rthc islinds the melancholy
remnant of tho once majestic iceberg can't
Cd first to one side andthen to the otller,a and
then plunged under forever carrying tho
national archives along with it-and not
only the archives and the populNce, but
some eligible town lots which had incrCAs-
cd in value us fast rs they diminished in
size in the tropics, and which Riley could
have sold at thirty cents q pound and
made himself rich, ifhe could. have kept
tho province ,atlOat ten hours longer, and
got hcfinto port ,..,.,,.............
\ And so forth and so on, with all the
facts OF RilHy's trip through Mexico, a
Journey whose history his l0licitOus fancy
can make more interesting than any novel
TINT ever was written. What q shame it
is to tic Riley down to the drcary mason
work Of laying up-dcad walls Of fact! Flo
docs write q plain straightforward, and
perfectly accurate and reliable c0rrespon-
dence, but it seemssto me that would
rather havelone chatty paragraph OF his
fancy thania whole obituary, Of his facts.
Riley Is very methO1icnl, untiringly ac-
communicating, never forgets anything that
I Is 10 DO attended to, Is q good son, q
staunch friend, md a permanent, reliable
enemy. He will put himself 10 any
amount Of trouble TO oblige body, and
therefore always has his hands full Of
things'to be done for the helpless and the
shiitIess. And he Knows how tosdo near
" everything, too He is man whose
native benevolencc is a well.spring that
never goes dry. He stands always ready
to help whoever needs help, as far rs he Is
ablc-and not simply with his money, for
that Is cheap and common charity, but
with hand and brain, and fatigue Of limb,
and sacrifice Of time, This sort Of men Is
rare. ...i-,s.., r..F.f..l, I1st
"'Rlley Inns Already wit, a quickncss and
aptness at selecting and applying quota.
tons, and countCnance that Is as solemn
and as blank as the back side Of q tomb
nI...n .u.,l,n,, In Il dnlirnrinn. a 1articnlarlY