Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1870-01-14
The Josh Billings rspers..Femaie
Remarks.
Dear girls, are yu in sareh of hus.

Dear girls, are VI in sareh Of hus.
band?
This IL pumper, and w are not requir-
| ed tew say YES ou. louu, but are expek-
| ted tew throw yure eyes down into the
| earth, az tho va waz lookin fur pin, and
| reply tcw the interrogation with kind of
| drawd in sigh, az tho yu waz eating sn
oyster Juice and ali, off from the half shell.
No, lew press 50 tender theme until it
becomes a thorn in the flesh, we will pre-
sumo (tew avoid argument) that yu are on
the lookout fur sum;hing i'll the male ling.
tew boost yu in the uphill of life, and tew
keep his eyes on the brtcbiLg when yu be.
gin tcw go down the other side ov the
mountain. Let me give yu sum small
chnpks oy advice how tew spo, yure future
husband:
l. The man who IL jelIous or every little
atenshan which yu q, from sum other fel-
low, yu will find, after yu are married tew
him, luys himself more than he duz yu,
and what yu mistook for solissitude, yu will
dskoyer, has changed into Indifference.
JeIousy isn't heart disease, it iz o liver
komplaint.
2. A mustash IL not indispensable; i, IL
only a little more hair, and IL good deal
like moss and other excressenees-otlen
duz the best on sile that went raize emmy
| thing else. Don. torgit that those things
! which you admire in a fellow before mar.
riage, yu will probably have te~ admire in
o husband after, and uustash will git tew
be very weak diet after long time.
3. Ii husbands could be took on trial, az
Irish cooks are, tew-thirds ov them would
probably be returned: but there don't seem
tew be enny law fur this. Therefore, girls.
you viii see tina; alter you git man, you
hav got tew keep him, even if you lcse on
him. Consequently, Ii "a hav got emmy
cold vit.!es in the house try hin on them,,
once IN while, during securing season,
and i he s~aiers them well, and seq hs.
will take sum more, he IL man who, when
blue Monday cams, will wash well.
4. Don't marry phelier who IL alwuz
| teihog how hiz mother does things. II
IL as hard tew suit thezc men az II IL tew
woaa y9Gr1 ore.
5, II /. yung man kan beat yu playing
on panner, ard kant hear a fsh-horn
| playing in the street without turning
| back summcrsett on account ov the music
| that IL in him, say skip him he might
answer to teDd babe, but if you set him
hoeing out in the garden, VI will find that
VI hay got tew % it yurself. A man
| whoZe whole heft lies in music land not
very hefy at that, amt no better for hus-
bard than scdlilz powder, but if he luss
TO listen while VI sing sum gentle ballad
VI will fnd him mellow, aud so soft. But
don't marry enuyb0dy for list one yirtew
emmy quicker than yu would flop a man for
list one fault
6. Itiz one or the most tuffes. things for
female ;ew be al ola maid successfully.
4 great many baz tried il. aud made a had
iob Of it. Eyryboiv seems few look upon
old maids list az they do unon dried harbs
in tbe osrret HANDY for sickness-and-
therefore. iris. it amt a mistake ttat w
should be wiling lew swop yurseIf eph with
sum trew phell9w fur true husband The
swop IL = good one. but don't svop fur en-.
ny man who IL respeGtable list because his
father IL. Yu had better be an old maid
fur thousand wears, and then ioin the