Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1870-01-21
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
Bro RrLArtHRs-Gi.ants.

Bro RELATIVES -Gianta
LADIES OuFFs-Boxss on the ear.
TIE AUcTioNERR's MoTro-Buy and
buy.
RATHER CRY.srs (cRIsrs)-A weeping
girl.
No RECEIPT Is required when attention
is paid. 1885,. ..,...
THH policies Of tho Washington Life are
liberal as 10 residence.
HB that win follow good advice Is greater
than he who gives IL l..
WHEN was 81. Paul a pastry cook p
When he wen. to Ill a pie '(Phifippi)
A BosToN paper thinks naming row
OF lots In a suburban cemetery after a
physician was in questionable taste.
"CoMR don't be timd," said n couple OF
foolish snobs TO two mechanics "sitd down
and make yourselves our equals" "We'd
have TO blow our brains out TO do that"
was the reply. ..s ....
OF twenty-five companies incorporated
by the State Of New York, the Washing
ton Is tho Eighth in order OF organization,
and may now be regarded as one OF the
"Old Companies" thoroughly tried and
established. .l|
LITTLE three-year old Mary was playing
very roughly with tho kitten--carrying Il
by the tail Her mother told her she
would hurt pussy "Why, no I WON'T"
said she; "l'm carrying IL by the handle"
1T is stated by some wiscacre that the
heart of a man weighs about nine ounces,
that OF a woman eight. AS the age in
creases, mans heart grows heavier, and
the woman's slighter-some girls lose theirs
at 16.
REQUIRED-The exact height of fashion;
the force OF circumstances; the thickness
of beam OF sunShine; the dimensions Of
a fraHe a mans mind is sometimes in;
also, the lifting capacity Of speakers who
take the floor.
AN Albany man, who had his new hat
exchanged for an old one, in BARRIERS
shop, adVertlses that unless it Is returned
he will forward to the wife of the person
who took IL the letter found concealed in
the lining Of the old one"
A BLusmING dsmsel called at one Of the
agencies the other day to buy q sewing
machine. "Do you want a fellerH in
quired tho modest clerk in attendance.
The ingenious maid replied, with some as
perity: mo, sir l have one"
AN IriGhman, officiating as chairman OF
club, was annoyed at the tumult created
ishcd them by Vocfcrating, "Jintlemen,
jntlcmen, will yees come to order, II
you only kape silent you may make as
much noise as you place"
"WHo built the first housef" asked an
ambitious school ma am of bright little
girl, on exhibition day" al Idon't know
ma'am, but l guess Noah did" "Why
do you think so, my dear" because he
is the first arkitect VIC read Of"
A VALKTUDINARIAN who consulted a
physician was questioned rs to his gener-
al habits. Having told how much and
what he ate, how many cigars he smoked,
etc, he WAS asked what he drank
Whatever the other man orders" was
the reply.
In the Wyoming House of Representa-.
tivcs, recently, distinguished member,
seeking to sustain point of order, par
tally removed his outer garment, and re-
marked Mr.. Speaker, If some reliable
man will hold my coat, I'll teach the hon
orabc gentleman that he IS out Of order"
The point OF order was sustained.
A CLERaYMAN, formerly of Newbury-
port, known Familiarity as Parson Milton,
was seen by neighbor trudging home
one Monday morning with stout cod he
had just bought, and was accosted with,
"Mr. Milton. did you know that fish was
caught SundayP" The minister, in his
characteristic blunt manner, replied: "The
fish amt to blame for that"
THERE was, some years ago, a trial for
murder in Ireland, where the evidence was
SO palpably insufficient that the Judge
stopped the case, and directed the jury to
return verdict of " Not Guilty" A we'll
known lawyer, who'desired, however, To do
something for the fee he had received for
the defence, claimed the privilege of adj
dressing the Court "Wen hear you with
pleasure, Mr.. H., said the Judge, but to
prencnt accidents, we'll first acquit the
prisoner"
AN anecdoto is told of Judge Grier,
who lately resigned his scat on the Su-
premc Bench, When he was sitting in
Pennsylvania, a cause involving the title
to some land was tried before him. A
laundering jury returned an unjust YER
dict. AS the Clork returned TO record II,
Judge Grier said "Mr. Clerk, that YER
dict is set aside by the Court 1t may as
we'll be understood that in this State il
takes thirteen men to steal mans farm. y
LIEUTENANT DERBy-" John Phoenix "
once hailcda stolidlooking German who
was driving bakers wagon past Barry
X Patten's, on Montgomery street, San
Francisco, with, "Hullol III take one,
, Wat you takess" said Teuton, pulling
up, "a baked eagle" said Phoenix.
The driver scowled, muttered, and was
driving ON, when Derby, in an authoritative
tone, ordered him To halt, saying, "lf yot
don't have Eagle Bakery painted OF tha
wagon I'll have you court-martialed |"
IT would be well IL all passengers coulC
keep themselves rs firmly aloof from ex
J citement in a steamboat race as vener
able friend Of Rhode Island (now descend
Cd full Of years and honoTs To his grave
did on the occasion Of race between TIVE
contending steamers on one occasion II
Long Island Sound. The boats had beer
running with no visible advantage oI
either side for great distance, and group
of excited persons were on the deck dis
cussing their several chances Of triumph
and finally appealed to the friend in ques
= tion; Don't you think we've gained OF
/ hor in coming the last forty milesf" Eyes
replied the Quaker with imperturbabl
J gravity, ~ should say, from present ap
pearancos that we had" ado you
Well, MIR. Brown, how much should yol
, think we have gained upon her." e.
may be mistaken" replied our friend, so
have small gin at correctly calculating
distances; but should think that in tn
, last hty miles we have gained about al
l inch" He was too close an observer to b
( bothered with any further questions frou
: the excited bystanders