The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1870-01-25

ne udy altoT JOllleu lno III my oouc
one whom Copp's head had insulted
fsome time ago called on me and kicked
my body.
CHAPTER V.
If you, my gentle reader, are as mud
die headed as the rest of the world, you
may find il difficult to follow the course
of this true narrative. 1t is generally
supposed that the head controls the
body. This is mistake. Copp's head
would have had it all its own way if l
had not interfered. was not going to
have my body put to more inconven-
iencc than could help. As it was, his
head got me into quite trouble enough.
NY head, meanwhile, was doing all it
|e6uld to help Copp's carcass to get on in
the world You have no idea what exc.
crahly bad handwriting Copp's body
had; whereas mine had always been
perfect picture, so regular, so round, so
neatly finished off with dotted is and
crossed is, and all the commas where
they ought.to be. Besides, Copp's body
had no notion of spelling, and smeared
and blotted every bit of paper it came
across
But after all, it mattered little. Before
Copp's head had got tackled on to my
body, my head and body combined had
laid the foundation of a fortune which
that miscreant's unworthy carcass was
destined to enjoy. No sooner had Cops
body usurped my office chair, than "a
Ideputation waited upon it from the Great
Grand Duchess, and bestowed upon it a
vacant seat in higher department Of
the Civil Service. ;sH.
From that time forward honors were
literally heaped upon my head, and
Copp's body got all the benefit Of them.
Copp's body was feasted and feted.
1t rolled in luxurious carriages, it lolled
in voluptuous ease; while my body was
marching with the troops, badly clothed,
worse fed, and half the time without
any boots; for that terrible struggle be-
tween our duchy and Che duchy next
door, which is now page of history was
just commencing. . e
What had my body got to do with
such matters, should, like to know p
My hand, which hitherto had but welded
pen, had now musket thrust into it,
and everybody but myself was much
surprised to find what bad shot Twas.
My regiment marched onwards l
hung behind. The general called after
me, and / came limping up.
Copp's body had always had rather a
bad name for drink and debauchery, but
these feelings had been excused because
he was good soldier. You can imag
inc what rage Copp's head was in when
/ missed the target, bungled over my
sword practice, and even marched out of
step.
1t presently came to pitch battle be-
tween Copp's head and my body. /
wholly disapproyed Of Copps heads
moral principles. One thing objected
to was, that it would keep drinking. My
body was not accustomed to strong
liquor, and it made it i'll.
Copp's head also wanted to carry on
with the other sex / wouldn't stand it..
Copp's head winked at the other SEX I
said it shouldn't. 1t persisted. / said
if it did it again, in revenge | would
shave off its mustachios. 1t did it again,
and / clutched it by the nose and shaved
them off. I'd have cut his head off alto
gether for two pins.
TO spite my body, Copp's head refus-
ed food, and clenched its teeth all dinner
time / was determined then, if it
wouldn't swallow anything on my ac-
count, it should not do so on its own 3
so upset all the wine and beer it asked
for. This style of quarrel, though, grew
presently to be rather ridiculous, and we
made it up again.
But very soon Copp's head began go
ing on worse than ever. His leerings at
the opposite sex have already alluded
to, and this, with certain forward per-
sons of the sex aforesaid, more than
once got me into good deal of trouble.
That, hewever,to which most strong
ly objected was his bad language. He
took to calling his brother officer thieves
an0 liars, and some Of them didn't like
it.
AS I expected they would, one of
them at last challenged him to 6ght.-|
Copp's head chose swords; and the re-
suit was that Copp's heads antagonist
ran me through my body.
write this upon nv death-bed. / am
as resigned as can be with the refec-
ton that my body will probably suffer
the torments which, without that fool of
a doctors confounded error, would have
been reserved for the body of Copp1
One thing consoles me in my dying
agonies-Copp's head is aching dread
fully. -
But I cannot die in peace when / re-
feet that my body will be buried under
the impression that it belonged to Copp, /!
and that the gravestone will bear Copp's
hated name.
Postscript by the editor of the fore
going Autobiography.-In confirmation
of the strange statement above made,
think it only right to add, that shortly |
after Captain Copp was buried, report
became current that there was something
wrong with the other gentleman's head.
Nothing further. l regret to say, isl
known upon the subject. |
(Signed) CHARLES Fl. Ross.
Christmas, 1869.
A Radical journal boasts that no Dem
ocratic paper is published in Utah. Of
course not-only Radical sent iments are
popular in such community.
A smart person in Wabash, Indiana,
hired a green chap. just for the fun of
the thing, to split $4,000 claptoards,
.stn roof menaoerie With which bel