Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1870-07-12
MISCELLANEOUS.
The Bachelor and Baby.

s'What shall do ?'' And tho old bachelor
stamped about the sitting room in perfect
rage of doubt, looking first at the mapping
baby in the little willow cradle, and then at
the busy French clock on the mantle shelf
GAS sure as my name is Joseph Phelps.
that baby, two fisted, large lunged nephew of
mine, is about waking, and it wants Que whole
hour of the time which its mother appointed
for return. Whew l actually sweat to think
about it. What can do with it-how can I
treat it to sugar what-d 'ye-call'ems, or hold it
or trot it, or do anything with it p
At this juncture n faint vail from the baby
receptacle brought bachelor Joseph to his
taps. With an energy and alacrity that would,
not lily become husband and baby tender,
he commenced rocking the cradle sending
the indignant baby in perfect tremor of kicks
and squalls. Backward aud forward, and
from one side of the pillow to the other, tho
round, red face rolled the infants fists were
clinched with force that purplcd them, while
from the white, plump throat there came cry
that set the bachelor wild with fear.
Again Joe looked at the clock.
'.What in the deuce can | do ?' he ex-
claimed viewing wofulty the little iufamed
face before him. He sat down in n chair
before the baby-spread double cradle quilt
over his knees. and with look of horror upon
his face proceeded to take the baby from its
resting place. He drew the hopeful just rs
very neat old lady would pick up pocket
handkerchief, with his thumb aud fingers
4 fresh veil from the rosy mouth of the baby
was the only expression of thanks as he COM
menced the never out of fashion baby trot.
''Itmust be that something is pricking him.
Shoe shoe said Joe, commencing a search
for the aggravating pin that was driving that
child into such n rage. But nothing was to
be found and he made an attempt to turn the
baby over but oh the clumsincss Of his
fingers-the little eel-lke form slid out of his
lap to the floor, sending forth n cry that was
slouder, clearer, deader than before"
"Save me I've broken its neck ~ was tho
exclamation, as he picked the baby up, and
in the agony of despair. tried to quiet him,
a tho't struck Joe He saw basque hang>
ing against the wall Of the adjoining bedroom,
and with n smile of delight upon his coun,
tcnance he went to it. Sure enough, there it
was, stuffing. boddice and all real monu-
ment of feminine ingenuity. He was wild
with joy He pinned it over his coat, and
fastened the sleeves behind him. He took
the baby end laid its head against the false
breast work.
''Shades of Southern plantations and cot
ton factories ~ exclaimed Joe, rs the baby
rooted its nose into it about ga feet" and
then cuddled down for a snooze. Then tho
bachelor commenced singing:
"womsn arc all flecting show;
For ina q delusion given;
When filled with bran aud stuffed with tow
They look quite we'll --"
A tap on the door stopped Joe in the midst
of his suggestive song. and before he had
time to disarray himself, the door was opened
and a roguish, laughing pair Of eyes Peered
in uuou him.
..Your sister is not at home, is she ?" asked
the visitor.
"No. ma am, ;" stammered Joe. growing very
red in the face, "and have turned nurse"
Miss Hayes laughed; offered to relieve
him of his charge, which he willingly con-
sented to sitting near by the while intently
watching her She managed the baby to a
charm, without the basque, and Joe was cap
tivatcd. And, it is needless to add, that Joe
Phelps afterwards married Fanny Hayes
pom my word he did.