The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-09-10
PEPPEis AND SYLr.

have "come to time We were sitting in
room reading, one day recently. A young woman
only few months married was reading paper
containing the notices of the premium list
suddenly, and unconscious Of our presence she
jumped up from her chair, exclaiming, Bow
man is a dunce-he don't know nothing about
such things" SONY three months!" Then toss-
ing her head, and looking the picture of scorn
and Indignation, she threw the paper on the
tinued, while bustling out the door: "THREE
MONTHS. Bowman IS a fool I shsn't be there ~
....A fellow made his appearance at the Office
of Judge Hollster, lately, with marriage
license issued in Grundy county, and desired
legal advice as to whether the license was good
in La Sale, and whether he could "git mar.
ried onto that ere document into this here city"
Judge told him it was valid only in Grundy
The youth scratched his head, and then snap
pishly said Ell that thing hain't good here,
III be burned eff I git married nohoww With
this desperate resolution he departed! He will
probably think better of it A middle aged
gentleman, dressed in faultess black, and with
hair combed to perfection, was found on the side
walk one morning in a state of melancholy loose
ness. While the officers were escorting him to
the Jail, he feebly exclaimed Gentlemen, your
,hicl kindness is touching, ,hic). Allow me to
rcpose few mo ,hic)m )ments, by which time I
shall collect my scattered senses and depart"
His request was granted .. One of the republi-
can candidates for the legislature-he who shook
hands fourteen times one forenoon with his own
partner, has done so much hand.shakiug lately,
| that his right hand is swoolen to that magnitude
that it may be likened to the hand of provi-
dence eel 1t is somewhat tedious-that joke is
on the dentist in this city who was requested by
Mr.. Cook, NJ. c., to go up to Grundy and elec.
tioueer for him. The tooth snatchist did accord.
| ingly, spent all of his available funds, had to
borrow money to get home, and then. when he
reported to Cook, the latter said, I'm obliged,
I'll come in some time and let you pull tooth for
me-" That dentist is now busy at the tooth
business. He has abandoned politics. He ia
willing to admit that whether or not republics
are ungrateful," he's sure some republicans are.
....Oh for fome corporation deutiet to extract
the spikes out of our sidewalks, and "plug"
the holes in the cutters. It is said, one of the
"shabs' who went On that starring tour did not
come home quite so poverty stricken a. when he
left. He had shirt and pair of stockings sx.
ira when he returned, but he will be obliged to
give them away, as they are Of the feminine per.
suasion. Ger.racious hesvings-how did that
happen .... Henry Lelar, Oh! Henry Lelar,
you will be the death of US if you give US any
more Of thoseU luscious grapes. Still We are will.
ing to be "kilt' some more with the same pizen.
....As we were passing the new church on Col.
umbus street, with friend who has not an
architectural turn of mind, he enquired, "what
in thunder do they want with those two COW
catchers on the front doors OF the church, ?" We
| replied: "To keep calves out of the church; and
that's you, you know" Then and there he
sighed brick bat, and chased US four blocks,
and swears she will break our eternal neck"
....Some malicious chap was around town yes.
| terday, hunting for that "thick set chap" in
| the FREE TRADER Office, who looks so much
like the Jack of C!ubs!" Well bet cent he
referred to "Bemus.' Just our inferior luck.
Our Beemus is Disguised individual. He
was entered for prize in the baby show-"a
sweet little red thing-a darling little gal baby,
years old, without regard to pedigree" He
didn't get anything, not even bottle of sooth-
ing syrup. He is disgusted-the committee is
to blame, of course. -. Seeds of our famous
gympsun weed, for ornamental shrubbery, pnt
up in packages to suit our friends. Ladies free,
gentlemen half price go. Wanted to be one of
| the police at the fair ground. The chief of the
police said were to honest too make an efficient
officer. We excused him and didn't serve.