The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1870-11-10
LAUGHERANEOUS.

4 young lady, going into barraek
room at Fort George, saw an officer toast
ting slice Of bread on the point of his
sword on which she exclaimed, II
think, sir, you have got the staff Of life
on the point Of death
Why is an old maid like a dried-up |
lemon? Because she ought to have been |
squeezed, but wasn't
What is Adams religiou's belief?- |
Evangelical An absure old bachelor |
suggests that he probably changed his |
belief when Eve begun to raise Cain
with him.
A young man who is desperately in
love says that he has been electrified with
a gal-vanic battery.
"My wife, y said wag the other day.
''come near calling me honey last night.
Indeed how was that p why, she
called re old bees-wax.
Plato being told that he had many
enemies who spoke i'll of him, said at
is no matter; [ will live SO that none
| shall believe them y
S. G. Knott and S. W. Shot fought a
duel The result was that they changed
conditions. Knott was shot and Shot
was not. 1t was better to be Shot than
Knott.
A little four year old had been intcntly
, watching the process of corn popping on
a stormy day in the beginning Of winter;
happening to turn to the window she OBJ
served for the first time the falling snow
| Amazed and delighted, she ran to her
father and exclaimed, 80 papa do
look at the funny rain, It's all popped
out white /" Can any older head de
scribe snow more graphically?
An afflicted husband was returning
from the funeral Of his wife, when
friend asked him how he was. "Well, y
said he, pathctically, Il think / feel bet
ter for that little walk. -
| Stupid people may eat, but shouldn' I
talk. Their mouths will do well enough
as banks Of deposit, but not of issue.
A Tilted swain spitefully says: Eve
did not know as much as her daughters
Of the present day. Had they been in
her place, instead Of being deceived, they
would have deceived the devil,
When did fruit begin to swear? When
the apple damned the par.
: When was beef the highest? When
the COW jumped over the moon.
: When was the first sweetmeats made
When Noah preserved pairs in the ark.
When is blow from lady welcome
: When she strikes you agreeably.
Why are good resolutions ike fainting
ladies'? They want carrying out.
Mr. Green sued lady for breach OF
promise. Her friends offered to settle
it for two hundred dollars. "What -
cried Green, 1.-TWO hundred dollars for
ruined hores, q shattered mind, blasted
life and bleeding heart Two hundred
, dollars for all this Never! never new
CT! Make it three hundred, and it is a
bargain!"
wife, said a man. looking for his
razor case, Il have place where keep
my things. and you ought to know it. y
Yes, said she, 81 ought to know
where you keep your late hours. "
whats the difference between sixty
minutes and my younger sister," asked
precocious boy Of his grave uncle. u
don't know: what is it?" was the uncle 5
reply. why ones an hour and the
other our Ann was the stunning ex-
; plaaation.
Il say, milkman, you give your cows
too mrch salt ~ why, how do you
know how much salt give them p 4
judge from the appearance Of the milk
you have brought us lately, Salt makes
the COWS dry, and then they drink too
much wateT-that makes their milk thin
you know.
An Irish woman appeared in the Coun-
; ty Court Of Louisville, recently, to be
appointed guardian of her child, and the
following colloquy occurred: "W hat
estate has your child p ''Please, your
honor don understand you" 'What
has he got" "Chills and fever, phase
your honor?"
Down cast there resides q certain NJ
d. One cold night he was aroused from
his slunbcr by very loud rapping at
the door. After some hesitation he went
to the window and asked: "Who is
5 there p Friend !" was the answer.
''What DO you want?'' ''NVant to STAY
here all night. Stay there, then -
was the benevolent reply.
Two widowers were once condoling to-
gether on the recent bereavements of
their wives; one Of them exclaimed with
a sigh: IVY ell may [ bewail my loss, for
| had SO few differences with the deceased
that the last day Of my married life was
as happy as the first" There [ sur
pass you, sad his friend, ''for the last
day Of mine vas happier -
After a marriage ceremony had been
performed in one of the churches in
Adrian, Mich the bride, when receiving
the congratulations of her friends, shed
tears, according to the usual custom, at
which the gro ON followed suit, and CO.
piously. Alter his friends had succeed
cd in calming him. he said he couldn
help it, for lie felt as bad about it as she
did.
| 4 Chicago man has invented q machine
for blowing the nose.