Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1870-02-24
Humorous.

fast men do not fast.
| Low tide shoe strings.
Good for sighs-exercise.
| -Ration-ary men-soldiers.
High tied-bonnet strings.
| Dead head-petrifed giant,
On bender-curves.
Sharp food-a sword fsh.
The best prize-enterprise,
| -Pane-ful occupation-glaziag
The Oldest revolyer-the earth
A smart thing-mustard plaste,
"A friend at pinch-a snuff-bor
Walters bawl-"Coming Sir
Sharp practice-honing razors.
Dog washing is London trade.
Good is the consequence of evil
Cheap food-piece of ones mir
-Period-icals-punctuation n.sE.
Rolling stock-cattle on the tss
Uncertain question: womaas 90
"A duck of a fellow qusck do-g
The best note paper-Bank of Z.
land.
The forte that is not NapOleo1.
Rochefort.
Birds that "set" in all seasons
pigeons.
The oldest lunatic on record,
out of mind.
Words that burn-reiected commu.
cations.
You cannot preserve happy domes
pairs in family jars.
When is love deformed? Whenf
all on one side.
The ledge very few people sucoesi
clmbing-knowledge.
The more cheeks a spendthrift
ceiyes, the faster he goes.
An unpleasant sort of arithmet
division among families.
old maids are described ss ~en
from which the sparks have fed"
Why is wit like a Chinese lgl,
foot? because breyity is the sole Of #
When apprentices desire mE 10
travel-when they become iOurney-1z
Can you spell the fate of all esr.ky
things with two letters Thus-dk De
cay.)
Amy undertaking submitted to law.
yer for his opinion is always pronounce
feasible.
"A man is most properly said 10 Z
"ripe for anything" when he is li1a
mellow.
Air is dish which one feeds on eyg-
minute therefore it ought always to b
fresh.
Young ladies may admire their Gle
gyman, but they ought not to be carria
away with him.
DO you wish to learn how to CIR
anything? Then fancy yourself in Il.
place of the receiver.
Why is the earth like blackboar3
Because the children of men multipy
upon the face.of it.
How can history be believed Il
when the very books themselves lie upz
our shelves.
Why is dog with broken leg like
boy at arithmetic? Because he pug
down three and carries one.
-"Ye cannot obey God and mamml
said a little western girl, whose motbg
had taken her to task for disobedienc.
Abiding to chignons, Mrs. CleTg
said: ga girl now seems all head
eyes, till you talk to her," " growled Clevs'
"Only give us our bread and occasiol
ally forgive us our debts" says a Ne
Orleans editor, ''and we are satisfied"
-"If your papa and uncle were /
Africa, which would be nearer ENGLAND
Your uncle, for pa would be father awsy
They are nsrrow-minded people WI
look with contempt on prominent singer.
because their,prineipal business is solo.
A Yankee editor says that girls con
plain that the times are 40 hard that 1
young men cannot pay their addresses. .
Why may we conclude that a n
fond of solitude is in pecuniary difficults
Because he is alwaye trying to get ala
"A chaplain of state prison was ssEai
bya friend how his parishioners wers @AA
under conviction" was the reply.
An Irishman once observed that nj
stones were kind enough to answer YOU
questions without giving you the trona
to ask them.
"A celebrated wit was asked il
knew Theodore Hook. "Yes,' be =
piled Hook and eye are old assoeiata
Lesson in geography. School msI
to little Josie Where is the North Pr
Josie ~ Top of the map marin"
"A country paper announces thst
has employed a humorist to write p
agraphs for this journal, and an ss,1
writer to show up the jokes"
"A little English girl thought /.
spinsters must be a very large family
heard in church almost every Sus9
that some of them were going to be u
ried
-Punch's "He smole gastly sny
and "Many wink he wunk," have y
initiated by minstrel wit, who said, ~
sneezed snooze, and said I snoze it.
81 say, pilot arn't you waiting lo'e
than is necessary for this fog to clear
Don't you see it's starlight overhesss
Eyes, but we are not going that way
Josh Billings says "The mewl
larger hurd than the guse or turkey
has tn legs to walk with, and tn NOR
kick with, and it wares its wings OF
side of Its he'd"
l"What has been Your business
a Judge to prisoner at the bar. "hS
your honor, used to be dentist; %.
am a pugilist. Then I put teeth in
[ knock 'em out"
"A Partisan philosopher proPOuprs
question, and gives the answer:
has nature given us two ears ana on.
tongue ? In order that we should ICY
but one-half of what we hear"
-" Remember who you're talkins
ir !" said an indignant parent to -
ious boy; al am your father :, al
We'll, who's to blame for that
,oung impertinence "'tisnt me.