The weekly standard. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1869-18??, 1870-05-18
Josh Billings Papers.


| TITE BOOTS.
l would list like tew know who the man
was who LIST invented tite butes.
| He mus hav bin narrer and kontrackted
| cuss. @ rIr..-f r rs
If be still lives, hope he has repented ov
hiz sin, or il injoyin CRATE agerny ov some
| kind. t-- -.-'.. N ms.
| I hay bin in CRATE meny tite spots in mi
life, but generally could manage tn make EN-
| avrage but thare is no such thing as maxim
a pair of tite butes avrage.
Yu kant git an ayrage on the pinch ov a
tite butte, eny more than you can on the bite
| ov lobster.
| Emmy man who kan ware pair ov tite
boots, and be humble, penitent, and not in
dulge in profane liteSatur, will make good
| husband.
He will do more than that, he will do to
| divide up into several fust klass husbands,
and be made to answer for whole naber-
hood. 4 ..s.l r-r.
- Oil for the pen ov the departed VIM.
Shakspear, to write an anathema against
tite boots, that would make anshunt Rome
wake up and howl agin, az she did once
before on previous ockashun.
Oh! for the strength of Herkules, to tare
into shu strings all the tite boots of creashun
and skater them to the 8 winds of heaven.
Oh! for the buty of Venus, tew make a
bigg foot look hansum without tite boot
on it.
OH for the patience of Job, the Apostle,
to nuss q tite boot and bless it, and even
pra for one size smaller and more pinchful.
Oh /! for pair ov boots bigg enuff for the
foot of mountain. ra,l /
I been led into the above assortment ov
"Ohs " from having in my possesshun, at
this moment, pair ov number nine boots,
with pair of number eleven feet in them.
Mi feet are az dogs nose the fust time
he wears muzzle. e,ahi
think mi feet will eventually choke the
boots to deth. ii.l i5aa il
Il live in hopes they will.
suppozed had lived long enuff not to
be phooled agin in this way, but have
found that an ounce OF vanity weighs more
than pound of reason, espeshly when a
man mistakes a big foot for small one.
b Avoid tite boots, mi friend, as you would
the gripof the devil, for many man haz
caught for, life fust rate habit for swearing
by encouraging his feet to hurt his boots.
1 have promised my two feet, at least
dozen of times during my checkured life,
that they never should be strangled agin,
but I find them to day az full ov pain as
the stummuk axe from q sudden attack of
tite boots.
But this IL solemnly the last pair oe tite
boots will ever wear; will hereafter wear
boots az big as mi feet, if i have to go bare
foot to do it. H
i am too old and too respectable to be
phool emmy more. t
Eazy boots is one ov the luxuries of life,
but ii forgit what the other luxury is, but i
don't know as care; provided can GIT rid
ov this pair ov tite boots 80 r't 8a7
YoEnDy man kan hav them for seven dol
lars, just half what they kost, and if they
don't make his feet axe wuss than an an
gle worm in hot ashes, he needn't pay for
Methuseler il the only man that kan
kali to mind now who could have afforded
to have wore tite boots and enjoyed them;
he had CRATE deal ov waste time to be mis-
cradle in, but life now days Is too short,
and too full of actual business to phool away
emmy ov it on tite boots.
lite boots are an insult to emmy mans un-
Outstanding. a
He who wears tite bouts will have to &C
knowledge the corn.
Tite boots have No bowels of Mersy, their
insidcs arc wrath and promlskous cussing.
Beware ov tite boots.