Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1870-10-06

Now 10 be "a Smart Young Man
BY JEHIAL SLAB.


1. Disregard fathers counsels. Cut
loose from mothers apron-strlngs. The
dim, slow moon of ''old times has sot.-
The bright, warm sun of Progress has riz.
Old folks don't know nothin' any more.
2. Call father the 'old man." and your
loving, patient mother the ..old 'oman."
Little matters, these are, but it is very
necessary to keep track of all these minor
Improvements, as we'll, Il you would be
smart early. i
B. Believe as firmly as you can that all
the wisdom good for anything is rapidly
growing up and going to seed in you.-
You will need all the self-conceit of this
sort that you can lay your hands on, to
balance your disgust in the autumn when
you come to harvest and measure your
crop. And then. too, such egotism in the
young years is wonderfully conducive to
the kind of smartness you are after.
4. When you get into the company of
fast young men, and they challenge you to
train as they train, don't hesitate. They
will sneer at your lack of independence if
you do. And. you know, you never can
afford to sacrifice independence that way
if you want to be a smart young man very
early
5. Learn to chew, and smoke, and swear
and drink. Fix yourself so as to be able
to wholesale it little, too, on OCCASION
1t will look so smart-so manly.
Bad habits?
Who said bad habits? Let habits flick
er. You will be in no peanut business
then. Time enough to get sober and long
faced after you have got through being
smart young man.
6. BE Independent about these things
Stick to the work here cut out, and soon
it will begin to fetch you home late at
night, noisy and nasty. your breath smell
ing strangely of bad whskey; and then
you will get up ut noon the next day with
mouth towy, and head feeling as if some
one had been pulling a crop of flax off
from it.
But go in. Pluck and eat these first
fruits of youthful smartness.
Stop?
You don't say stop vet. hope, just be-
cause you have bit of headache and
fit of the dumps from last nights spree.
Stop?
Why you have only just begun. Take
the back track now and how every one of
your young friends will laugh at you.
Coon!
Of course you will.
Z. Follow these directions faithfully and
smarter and smarter tie young man will
grow Deeper and deeper habits will fas-
ten, that your middle age will groan and
weep under, and almost Se willing to give
life for the power to break
But never you mind Follow these di-
rections. Plant all the mean, disreputa-
BILE things necessary to make you what you
aim to be-a smart yQnng man-and then
spend the balance of your life anxiously.
painfully. trying to pluck out the roots of
these same dirty, disreputable things that
you now think it 50 nice to cultivate.
Sow your wild oats early These smart
young men all do plenty of that kind of
sprins work. They always have to agree
with the devil in advance, too, that they
will harvest and thresh the crop. Remem-
ber that, my youthful friend. and be ye
also prepared to thresh and measure and
measure and thresh, till, rather than have
a child of yours come over the track of the
smart Young man to your place of torment
you would willingly see,him tied fast to
car-wheel and anchored away in the sea.