Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-09-09
ffuIilOr.
Pensive creatures-Hogs.

Popular QlCG ID Otau-SpdTC TlU.
The raw material-underdone steak
How to make clean sweep-Wash him.
Chicago on white stockings EN-.
A mean residence-living in self-abase-
ment.
The most difficult ascent-getting up q
subscription.
Notable places for the weak-barrooms
on Saturday night.
When patient begins to feed moro, the
doctor is feed less.
II man is given to- liquor, see that liq-
uor is not given to him.
Wedlock is the only lock that can never
be picked with safety. ~
Waves that are harmless the waves Of
ladies' handkerchiefs. =
Come to this BOSOM as the bear said to
the traveller. a.' ','~ 4s+
None of your jaw as the Philistines
said to Sampson. G.I*a.) 81 If
The latest parlor sitting up 1t
takes two to play it. -s....l .:l.@. j
Woman shows her fondness for unity by
always waiting to be won. 4
In swallowing a joke look out for the point
as it goes down. f4.i.s es5f .iais - u s
Maids of honor-those who do not jill
their suitors. g.tlf ~
They say the ground is the only reliable
bank; but it is broken every day.
Curious: The seasons not only alternate,
but alter-nater. :
A Pennsylvania school marin recently
struck lie But it was Juvenile ,-:,-
A good sermon is like kiss 1t requires
but two heads and an application. ~. n
When unmarried ladies get votes, what
will their rule be but Miss rule?
Mrs. Mifins says her daughter is worse
than mistortune-She's calamity. ).
Some one very atrociously says that the
Germans are at lager-heads with the French.
If all the world were blind, what a mel
ancholy sight it would be- said an Irish
clergyman to his congregation.
'This is the last rose of summer exclaim-
ed wag, as he rose from his bed on The
31st of August.
A down-east clergyman once said that he
wrote sermon in a day, and thought moth
ing of it. His people held the same opin-
ion.
Blank forms of proposals are used by
Minnesota ladies when their young men are
slow in coming to the point
There is only one good substitute for the
endearments of sister, and that is the en-
dearments of some other fellows sister.
During peace, a regiment is quartered
during war time, it is occasionally cut to
pieces. +'.. ...
No inarson sTeE gos stung 81 ;.oornee4s w"i!.e
kept away from where they were 1t is so
with bad habits.
A dishonest bankrupt and an hone.t one
have this resemblance-they both fail to
make money. @ - "a
Charles says, If you are in doubt wheth
er to kiss pretty girl, give her the benefit
Of the doubt
Ii mans aim in this world be good, the
chances are that he will miss fire in the
next -,s}t5f ~
Young women often keep their lovers bv
tears Yes says Grumwig: Love, like
beef, is preserved by Brine
Fame is like shaved pig with creased
tail, and it is only after it has slipped thro'
the hands of some thousands, that some
fellow by good luck holds on to it.
An old maid $ .ys woman isn't fit to have
baby who doesn't know how to hold it:
and this is as true of tongue as baby,
adds an old bachelor.
A curious Western visitor inquired if the
State prison was reckoned among our Insti-
tutlons of charity?' Certainly, was the re-
ply; it covers multitude Of sins
A succulent root-Perhaps money is the
root of all evil; but, it is one of those sue
cuient and grateful roots for which we are
quite willing to dig
Let US remove temptation from the path
OF YOUTH as the frog said when he plunged
into the water upon seeing boy pick up
stone.
Pat, If Mr.. Jones comes before nv re-
turn, tell him will meet him at two o,cio *
'Ay ay, sir; but what should tell him if
he don't Gomez
young lady, about to be married, SAYS
she will not promise to love, honor and obey,
but will say instead, love, honor and be
gay -~as-e-
An Irish girl having been sent to the post
office for the mail, came back to inouire
whether it was Indian mail or corn mail that
was wanted 4
Miss Brown, have been to learn how to
tell fortunes, said a young fellow to brisk
brunette +; Just give me your hand, if YOU
please. La Mr.. White, how sudden you
are. Well, go ask pa
Among the latest marriage announce
ments we find the following, and commend
it to those who contemplate matrimony -
No cards, no cake, no presents, no wedding
trip, no honeymoon, no Divorce.
Dere are,' said q colored orator. two
roads through dis world; one am broad and
narrow road dat leads to eternal perdition.
an de odder am a narrow broad road dat
leads to certain destruction In dat case,'
exclaimed colored brother, dis chile will
take to de woods