The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1870-09-09
THE JOURNAL.
From the septsmbeE ealsxY.l
MARK TWAIN" ON POLITICAL
ECONOMY.



Philosophy and lightning Roads.
Political economy is the basis Of
all good government The Wlsess
men Of all ages have brought 70
bear upon this subject the
Hero I was interrupted ana IN
formed that q stranger wished TO see
me down at the door. / went and
confronted him. and asked to know
his business, struggling all the time
TO keen a tight rein on my seething
political economy ideas, and not let
thein break away from me, or get
tangled in their harness. And pri-
vately wished the stranger was at
the bottom of the canal with car
go of wheat on the top Of him. I
was all in a fever, but he was cool
He said he was sorry to disturb me,
but as he was passing he noticed
that I needed some lightning rods.
said, "Yes, yes-go on-what
about it p He said there was moth
ing about it in particular-nOthing
except that he would like to put
them up for me- I am new to house
keeping; have been used to hotels
and boarding houses all my life.
Like anybody else Of similar expert
ence, 1 try to appear Ito strangers)
to be an old housekeeper; conse-
quently I said in an of hand way
that had been intending for some
time to have six or eight ligh ming
roads put up, but The stranger
started and looked inquiringly at me,
but 1 was serene. Thought that If
l CHANGED to make any mistakes he
would not catch me by my counte-
nance. He said he would rather
have nv custom than any mans in
town. I said all right, and started
off to wrestle with my great subject
again. when he called me back, and
said it would be necessary to know
exactly how many "points" wanted
up, what parts of the house l wanted
them on, and what quality of rod ]
preferred. It was close quarters for
man not used to the exigencies of
housekeeping, bat / went through
credita'bly, and he probably never
suspected that I was a novice. ]
told him to put mp eight points,
and put them all on the roof, and
use the best quality ofrod, esaid
he could furnish the plain article
at twenty cents a foot; "coppered,' =
twenty-five cents; "zin plated, spiral
twist - at 80 cents, that would stop
a streak of lightning any time, no
matter where it was bound, and 'ren-
der its errand harmless and its fur
tber progress apocryphsl." l said
apochryphal was no slouch ofa word,
emanating from the source it did
but philology aside, I liked the spiral
twist, and would take that brand.
Then he said he could make two
hundred and fifty feet answer, but to
do it right, and make the best job in
town of it, and attract the admira-
tion of the just and the unjust alike,
and compel all parties to say they
never saw a more symmetrical and
Hypothetical display of lightning
rods since they were born, he sup
posed he really couldn't get along
without four hundred, though he
was not vindictiye and trusted he
was willing to try. l said go ahead
and use four hundred and make any
kind of job he pleased out of it,
but let me 60 back to my work. So
/ got rid of him at last, and now, af-
ter half an hour spent in getting my
train Of political economy thoughts
coupled together again, am ready
to 60 on once more.
richest treasures Of their genius,
their experience of life and their
learning. The great lights of com
mercial jurisprudence, international
confrsternitY, all civilizations, and
all nstionRlities, from Zoroaster
down 80 Horace Greely, have
Here Z was interrupted again
and required to go down and confer
further with that lightning-rod man.
I hurried OF, boiling and surging
with predigious thoughts wombed
IN words of such majesty that each
one Of than was in itself q strag-
Cling procession of syllables that
might be fifteen minutes passing
given point, and once more l con-
fronted him-he 50 calm and sweet,
so hot and frenzied. He was stand
ing in the contemplative attitude of
she Colossus of Rhodes, with one
foot on my infant tuberose and the
other among my pansies, bis hands
on his hips, his hat brim tilted for
ward, one eye shut and the other
gazing critically and admiringly in
the direction ofmy principal chin
ney. He said now there was state
Of things to make a man glad to be
alive; and added, al leave it to you
if you ever saw anything more deliri-
ously picturesque than eight light
ning-roads on one chimney" l said
1 had no present recollection of any
thing that transcribed it. He said
that in his opinion nothing on this
earth but Niagara Falls was superb
or to it in the way of natural scene
ry. All that was needed now, he
verify believed, to make my house a !
perfect balm to the eye, was to kind !
of touch up the other chimneys a !
little and thus "add to the generous
coup a. aeil a soothing uniformity |
of achievement which would allay |
the excitement naturally consequent
upon the first coup Fetdt" I asked |
him if be learned to talk out of a
book, and if 1 could borrow it any
where. He smiled pleasantly, and
said that his manner of speaking was
not taught in books, and that moth
ing but familiarity with lightning
could enable a man to handle his
conversational style with impunity.
He then figured up an estimate, and
said that about eight more rods
scattered aboutmy roof would about
fix me right, and he guessed five
hundred feet of stuff would do it:
and added that the first eight had
got a little the start of him so to
speak, and used up mere trihe of
material more than he had calculated
on-a hundred feet or along there, l
said I was in 8 dreadful hurry, and
I wished we could get this business
permanently mapped out SO that l