Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-02-17
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

WHEN Is love defOrmed? When it is
all on one side.
| Why should old men never Jest! Be-
cause it is bad-in-age.
| WHAT to expect at q boys school
Boysterous conduct.
THE blowing of the advertisers is what
makes the trade winds.
Why Is man half asleep like twice ski
Because he's DOZEN.
THE man in debt for his shoes cannot
say that his sole Is his own. q
| CAPITAL punishment for boys-Being
obliged to sit between two girls at school.
ANY undertaking submitted to lawyer
for his opinion Is always pronounced fees
ible.
Why is the nose the leading feature in
| every ones countenance? Because every
one must follow 1t.
The way to make time pass quickly
Raise q row and get knocked into the mid
die Of next week.
Why is an address pronounced on
board ship like lingering? Because
| it is decoration deck oration)
THE Boston 1rGnscrtpt says "anthra-
cite Is drug" If it is, 1t must be one Of
the drugs that is good for cold.
FIFTY thousand dollars is the value a
Jerseyman puts upon an eye which rail
road accident knocked out.
WHY may we conclude that man fond
Of solitude is in pecuniary difficulties p
Because he Is always trying to get alone.
NOTHING like punctuality. Mr.. Shirk
was never known to stay second after
the hour at work, and is invariably on time
at his meals.
II LIKE to read spigrams against US
women" said Mrs. Clever "When cul-
prit clanks his chains you know that they
are on him.
A TRENTON paper reports that an aged
couple who celebrated their golden we'd
ding in that city recently, are childless,
but this deficiency was supplied by gifts
from number Of the guests"
A RECORD was recently made on the
CorOner's books in New York, that
"Charles Burns, q boy, died suddenly at
No. $50 East Thirty-frst street, without
the aid of a physician
THE jealous man is always hunting for
something he doesn't expect TO find, and
after he has found it he Is mad because he
has. He is always happy just in proper
ton as he is miserable.
THE Detroit Free Press says no stone
giants having been dug up lately, 1t is
4 probable that the trade in this line Is dead,
though perhaps people are waiting for the
frost to get out Of the ground, 80 that the
digging won't be 30 heavy.
"BIDDY," said lady to her servant, ~
wish you would step over and see how old
Mrs. Jones is this morning." In a few
minutes Biddy returned with the iDforma-
ton that Mrs. Jones was Just seventy.twO
years seven months and two days old
i "THE boy at the head of the class will
state what were the dark ages OF the world"
Boy hcsitates. "Next-Master Smith, can't
you tell what the dark ages were ?" II
guess they were the ages Just before the
Invention Of spsctacles" 90 to your
} seats" &
WANTS. A contemporary wants q fifer
and drummer to beat time for the "march
of intellect !" pair of shutters to trim
tho eight of other days !" q ring that
will fit the finger Of scorn;" loose pull
ley to run the shaft Of envy" and q new
cushion for the 81 seat Of government"
A LITTLE SToRY.-Fanny was pretty,
and had clear sweet voice. Fred pro-
posed to her, and she said, Eyes" Re-
vealing his happiness to his friend Frank,
} Fred told Of the joyous ring there was In
Fanny's voice when she accepted him.
"A wedding-riny, suppose, old fellow"
, was Franks neat reply.
A NAN sentenced to be hanged prayed
for reprieve, on the ground that be had
a sore throat, which rendered him unfit
for the operation of hanging he feared,
he said, that the most alarming conse-
qucnces might ensue II he were hanged In
his present condition.
note, and did you Gee Mr.. Thompson,
Jack 2" "Yes, sir" "And how was he ~
"Why, he looked pretty well, but he's
! very blind" "Blind (! what do you
mean ?" "Why, while wur in the rsom
! he axed me whore my hat wur, and It wur
on my head oil the while" g 9
, In "a Book About Words" by G. r.
, Graham, the author gives an explanation
of the phrase, "Nine Tailors Make q
Man" In the olden time the strokes oil
.. the passing bell were called "tellers, I" and
: a. nine strokes indicated the death Of a
! man, while three announced that of q
child, and six that Of woman, theworda
|. "nine tellers" were easily perverted into
! nine tailorA
A COMPANY of fishermen returned tc
Hudson, Wis, . few days since. nom the
wilderness, more than hundred miles
northeasterly from that place, and neal
the headwaters of the Chippewa. They
brought with them 1890 brook front
,sLwhich weighed in the aggregate sd
pounds The fish were all caught with
! hooks and lines, through holes 1ciitin The
|, Ice, lwS
: A MYSTERIOUS deaf girl has hesn agi.
, tating San Francisco. A reporter went
, to interview her, and while taking down
. the points, INDUCED in remarks which
q would not have been complimentary II
OIL she could have heard them. She stood Il
. for some time, but finally emptied the
? coal scuttle over him and pitched him