The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1870-04-09
How Mrs. G. Got Well.

AAo" uAIS. Sot w c1I
Tom .Gordons wife was victim to |
imaginary ailments DR. Valentine, her
physician, understands her whims and /
oddities so well, that he humors her in
every caprice. If she imasines rheuma-
tism is her complaint, he agrees with her,
and prescribes some harmless potion. If
she thinks her appetite decreasing, some
bread pills keep her in good spirits until
the iancied symptoms of some other dis
ease induce her to send again for him.
About three months ago she complained
of a pain in her side, and, as usual, the
doctor was summoned. After prescribing
three or four bottles of different harmless
compounds, he said:
''All you want, to assist medicine IN
effecting cure, is a little rouslng. Al
though your ailment is serious, it is not
dangerous. just assume little energy,
and you will recover. Remember, rouse
yourself"
After the doctor had retired, the pa
tent fancied that at last some serious
disease was beginning to manifest itself,
and, like fool, she went to bed in de-
spair.
Tom understood the case thoroughly,
from long experience, and said to him.
self: ''She wants rousing, does she !!
WE'LL I'll give her surprise that II start
err and bright idea ran through his
head.
Mrs. Hake, an attractive young widow,
was engaged to act in the capacity of
nurse to Mrs. CT, and Tom thought her
attractive qualities might be made avail
able in giving the patient the necessary
rousing
A short consultation with the beautiful
young widow resulted in the arrangement
of a plan, the execution of which was to
influence Mrs. q. to ever after throw
physic to the dogs.
Late the next evening Tom called
Mrs. Hake aside, and said to her, loud
enough to be heard by the invalid F.:
Poor Fanny, she Is sure to die at last,
our marriage"
'''Twill be relief to her." continued
Tom Il, too, have suffered as well as
she, but with you, the picture of health,
my happiness will be complete"
The widow threw herself upon Tom s
shoulders, her arm about his neck, and
began to chew his vest in mouthfuls, to
smother her laughter.
GLOW soon shall we get married after
; she is dead p asked Tom.
Il suppose you will be willing to wait
week or two % simpered Mrs. Hake,
as she took another mouthful of vest
The invalid uttered an exclamation and
landed on the floor.
you think I'm going to die, do your
she exclaimed. "I'll live. to spite you
both ~ As for you" she continued
turning and graspins Mrs. Hake by the
hair, 'out of my house, you designing
vixen will act as my own nurse here
afte-"
From that day to this, Mrs c. has
enjoyed perfect health.
| THE HARNESS SO FAR AS HEARD
; FRoM.-A poet says: ':Oh. she was fair
: but sorrow came aud left his Trace,
there What became of the rest of the
: harness the poet don't state.-Erte DIS
: patch.
: Oh, no, Further down the hill oi
poetry it says: Come vi me, my lassie
: and I'll take thee to my Htnae,' The
balance Of the harness is still missing
La Crosse Democrat.
: You are mistaken about that This
: same poet, speaking of the same youne
4 lady, says: And all the Lines that sor
l row had left faded out in joy The rest
of the harness is still mssing.-Er
: change.
No; still another has turned up, fol
? further on the muse informs US that
Glowing hands and simple flowers had
+ decked her for the B,tdaL" Nothing
; yet has transpired as to the whereabouts
of the rest of the harncss-Y York Rcp,s5
zicaa.
All mistake, for had not Wall said
2 'fGive me but what this Bcu has bound
: take all the rest the sun goes round.
5 Don't be discouraged friends, the rest oi
the harness is bound to come Ohi1
State Journal
OF course it is, for hath not the poet
said: 'When Greek meets Greek, then
} comes the TMg of war" Pass along the
balance Toledo Blade.
No more ; no more. Wen give only
) what Gratiano proposed for Shylock: A
Halter gratis nothing else, for God S
sake Chicago RepaJIican.
, Well, but the harness is not complete
without the Collar. Brutus said to Cas-
, sius $50 show your slave how (ho1er-
&c you are" IF your harness is not yet
complete, then @Saddle white Surrey for
the field. Union and american.
Search the Tiber for the balance !;
probably it camc loose when Horatio,
/ with his Harness on his back" plunged
headlong into the tide Noble Register.
Gentleman what is your harness worth
without Bit? In the words of Shake
speare we exclaim: "Follow your func-
ton go and baton on cold Bits. >
Wankegan (Ill.) Gazette.
What would your harness be without
Buckles, Thread, or a HeadstaU ? Shake
, speare also says: "And a HeadstaU OF
Sleeps batten, one duchied and an
other laced, and here and there pieced
with pack thread"