The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-06-16
WIT AND HUMOR.


only way to look at lady's faults is to
shut your eyes,"
"a revivalist asked negro If he
had found the Lord. "Golly !" said
Sambo, "am de Lord lost ?"
-Spurgeon defines gentleman as
Zone who can serve God, and at the
same time paddle his own canoe"
-"l an surprised, my dear, that I
have never seen you blush" "The fact
is, husband, I was born to blush un.
SEEN"
--Bald'headed men take joke more
easily, because they are not ut the
trouble of "getting it through their
hair"
The difference between fish and
the husband Of vixen, i., that one
lives always in cold water and the other
in hot.
The pleasantest husbandry known.
to man is said to be the destroying OF
weeds-a widows weeds, by marrying
the widow.
; Words should be seconded by &C.
ton; it isn't enough for housewife
to say to a stocking with a hole in it.
"You be darned p
-"Shall have your hand 7" said an
exquisite to belle, as the dance was
about to- commence. "With all my
heart" was the soft response.
81 will preach from dat portion Of
de Scripture, dis ebenin'," said a col.
ored dominic, "whar de 'postle Paul
pints his 'pistle at de 'pheTans."
"A young lady on being asked what
calling she wished her sweetheart to
follow, blushingly replied that she
wished him TO be husbandmsn.
81 say, Brown, what close shaw b
Jones is; why he'll squabble about a
cent" "Well, what if he does the
less one squabbles about the better"
-Rosseau used to say, "that to write
a good love letter you ought to begin
without knowing what you mean to
say, and finish without knowing what
you have written"
AS people usually sprinkle the
floors before they sweep them, says an
old bachelor, so some ladies sprinkle
their husbands with tears in order that
they may sweep the cash out of their
pockets.
Whenever you see lady and gen.
tleman alone in a cab, each looking out
Of different window, be convinced
that they are perfectly harmless, for
they have been married some months
at least.
"A New York insurance agent, urs.
ing n citizen to get his life insured,
said, "Get your life insured for ten
thousand dollars. and then if you die
next week, the widder's heart will sing
with JOY"
-"Oh, pray let me have my way this
time," said a young man to his lady
love- "Well, Willie, suppose / must
this once; but you know that after we
are married shal! always have Will
of my own"
"A married man in New Hampshire
has adopted an original method Of
economy. One day recently, when he
knew bis wife would see him, be kissed
The servant girl. The house expenses
we're instantly reduced S4oO per year.
1t is singular fact that many Ia.
dies who know how to preserve every
thing else, can't preserve their tempers.
Yet it may easily be done on the self
sealing principle. 1t is only to keep
the mouth Of the vessel tightly closed.
A sailor passing through grave.
yard saw on one of tie tombstones,
81 still live" This was too much for
Jack, who, shifting his quid, calculated,
"Well, I've heard there are cases in
which man may lie, but if I was dead
I'd own it."
-"Do you think, DOCTOR" asked an
anxious mother, "that it would improve
little Johnny's health to take him to
the springs and let him try the water9'
II haven't doubt of it, madam"
"What springs would you recommend,
doctor?" "Any springs, madam, il
you find plenty of soap"
--"How many children have your
asked gentleman Of one OF his labor
ers, looking around in surprise upon
the family. "Better than dozen. sir"
81 only make out eleven" said the gen.
tleman. "And isn't that better than
dozen, sir, when one has to feed 'em?"
exclaimed the happy father.
Lovers must not trust too implicit
Iy to their visual organs. A tender
swain once reproached his inamorata
with suffering q rival to kiss her hand,
\ fact which she Indignantly denied.
But l saw it." "Nay, then, I am con-
Vinced you do not love me, since you
believe youl eyes in preference to my