South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1870-09-09

terday.'
S0rAn old Conservative goose, on hear
ing of the Republican defeat in the recent
election, walked eight miles to Newbern for
the purpose of retaining some slaves who
left him in 1865. He didn't get them,
and returned home damnipg such victory
as that !-GoldsJoro' (N CO. Ne,os.
FUNERAL SERMoN-A clergyman in
Iowa has succeeded in immortalizing him
self by preaching the following sermon at
funeral in Cedar Rapids:
'The Bible says, I'm the beginning was
the word, and the word was with God, and
the word was God ) but to suit the present
case l will paraphrase it little, and say,
In the beginning was the devil, aud the
devil was with whiskey, and the devil was
whiskey, and whiskey was the cause of this
mans death
EFrThe editor of Missouri paper asks
his readers to excuse the looks of his paper,
as he is in bed from the effects of a fight
with delinquent subscriber.
E81 Mother, where is the man going to
sleep? asked girl of fifteen of her moth
er, who had just offered traveller nights
rest in their out of the way hut.
'l'll have to put him in with you and
Jack, and Kate, and Sue, and Mary, sup.
pose, and if it's too crowded, one Of you
must turn in with me and dad, and Dick.
and Joe, and Jonathan, and the twins
E1 A worthy townsman of ours, who goes
by the sobriquet of the Deacon, was met
by lady friend as he emerged from sa.
loon, and accosted thus: Good morning,
Deacon but | am sorry to see you coming
out of such place To which he dryly
replied: why, Madam, would you have
me stay there all the time p
saySOmo forty years ago there lived in
certain town an old man whom we shall
call Briggs, who had a propensity for 'hook.
ing small and portable articles that came
in his way. As be was poor and past labor,
and we'll known about town, no further no.
tice was taken of his populations than to
keep a sharp lookout when he was around
dealer had quantity Of dry fish landed
on the wharf at an hour too late to get them
into his store, and as he was about GOV err
ing them with an old sale cloth he cspied
old b., apparently accommodating Select.
ing a couple of the fish, ho said 'Herc
Briggs, must leave these fish out here to
night, and | will give you these two if you
promise me that you will not steal any -
That is a fair offer, Mr. A, but-woll-l
don't know with glance at the offered
fish, then at tho pile, Il think / can d,
L,UcrP
Rs-A young man charged with being
lazy was asked if he took it from bis father
81 think not" was tho roply father
got all the loznoss he ever had"
Ef-An Irishwoman, 10 her will, order
ed her body to be burned after her death
as she was afraid Of being buried alive
Gy-Thoro is poor fellow at Bango
who says its working between meals that
killing him
A GALS WAsrE-A school-boy 'dowr
cast, who was noted among his play fcl
lows for his frolic with the girls, was read
ing aloud in the Old Testament, when com
ing TO tho phrase, making ,ros'e place
glad, be was asked by the podagoguo wha
it meant The youngstor paused, scratch
ed bis head but could give no answor,wbcr
up jumped a moro prccocious urchin, aut
cried out 81 know what IL means, master
II means huggiu' the gals for Tom Ros
lie alters hupgiu' EN- around The waist, an,
it makes EN- glad as can be-
A MISSOURI census taker found sixt,
pairs Of twirs in one county, an less thar
ono year old.
EgBras though q very good aaicJi
o. soon lose i,a colo. whether ~ tLcL1.r
IF door Or tLc human face