The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-05-14
WIT AND WISDOM.


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AYoUNG lady once married man bv
the name Of Dust, Agninst the wishes of
her parents. After short time they lived
unhappily together, and she returned to her
fathers house; bat be refused to receive
ber, saying " Dust thou art and unto Dust
thou shalt return" And she got up and
"dustsd."
GENTLEMEN Of the jury" said blus-
tering attorney In a suit about a lot Of
hogs rs GeNtlemen Of the jury, there we're
Ehiry'six hogs i'm that drove please re-
member that fAOt--thirty7six hogs; just
exactly three times 40 many ms there are in
that jury-bOx, gentlemen. That attorney
didn't gain thecase.
FRENcHMAN-" Madame, YOU charge
yer mooch biz price for mt room"
Landlady-" Oh, you know, sir, we ut
watering-places must make hay while the
sun shines"
Frenchman (indignantly)-" Madame,
you shall nevare make Ee hay Of me.
You must not Sink because all flesh is
grass, nat you can make hay Of me-"
A FEW mornings since, two gentlemen
were accOsted in tho following magniloquent
terms by q beggar: |" Gentlemen, will
you administer the balm Of consolation to
dihpidased constitution -
A DooroE's wife once attempted to
move ber husband by tears. " Ann"
said be, Z" tears are useless. ] have ana
lyEed them. They contain q little phos-
phate Of lime, some chlorate Of sodium,
and that's ALL"
IT is said that the reason American
girls fade 20 early and have such poor
cOmplexions naturally, Is because they
eat late dinners and suppez. An old
Spanish proverb says in reference to this
fact CA little breakfast ia enough;
enough dinner ID but little; little supper
is too much"
WHEN nm infdel was on his death bed,
his confidence in his in6delity became
shaken, and some Of bis friends advised
him to hold on b the last. His reply
was: II have no objection to holding
on. but will you tell me what 1 am to
hold on by?'' Ali there in The fatal
want. In6delity gives nothing to hold on
by!
AN unhappy father writes to a Louis
vile paper am a miserable man.
Ny only son is not quite eight years Of age,
and yet be not only swears and chews TO-
bacco, but be persists in parting his hair III
The middle, and in declaring that his
mother has better right to the ballot than
/ have. Tell me, for heavens sake, what
shall I do with him ~
ABRAHAM LIEcoLN used TO say the best
story be ever read of himself was this
Two Quakeresses were travelling on the
ruilr0a11r cr4-%s7e--AearA- di5CHMiflE E7Is
probable termination Of the war. at
think" said the first, " that Jefferson will
succeed" Why does thee think 90 p
asked the other. g Because Jefferson is
praying man." I" And 50 ID Abraham
praying man." objected the second. Yes;
but the Lord will think Abraham IL jok-
ing" the first replied. cOnclusively.
JOSIE WILLIAMS had been doing some
thing which her mamma had told her she
mustn't do. She had been eating cur
rants, and, of course, got her mouth
stained. That's the way she got found
out. Mrs. Williams said
:" You know you were forbidden to eat
currants p
But, mother, Satan tempted me n
" Why didn't you say, Get thee be-
hind nae Satan 2
II did say, Get thee behind me,
Sstan;' and he went and got behind me,
and pushed me right into the currant
bushes I"
LET'S ME AND You GET.-An exAmina-
ton Of some old letters that remained in a
Confederate Post Office, brought to light
this unique love letter. The writer had
evidently been taunted by her lover with
being " cold, "and she vindicsted herself
very triumphantly in the following modest,
but sufficient intimation Of her desire:
MARRIED.
MY DEAR: You say am cold toward
you. Well, now let's prove who's the
coolest. Let's you and me get-oh, |
hate 70 write it look at the top Of the
letter and you'll find it Yes, that's it
let's me and you get-oh, you understand
me. Affectionately yours, ever.