The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1870-02-05
= MY WiSe's Bridal Tour. :.
BY NOSE SKINNER.

OLA inonths VI year, ana q try 10 60
with her, but she said she rather 90 alone
when woman was travelling man
was an out-and-out humbug.
So gave her seventy FIVE cents, aud
told her to go off and have good time.
l nevei begrudge money where my wifo's
happinc is concerned. My first wife
never could complain of not going any
where's, for I'm dreadful fierce to 90 off
ON good time myself, and always was.
| don't pretend to say how many times |
took her out to see the engine squirt, and
there was no end TO the free lectures |
let her go to. The neig ghbors used to
say: ut docs beat all how the SINNERS
gow
When Signor Blitz was in Slunkville,
with his wonderful canaries, he gave my
W .!e camplimentary ticket 1 not only
sold that ticket for my wife, but gave
her half the money l don't boast of it.
though only mention it to show how
much thought OF my wife's happiness.
don't think any man ought to get
married till he can consider his wifes
Happiness only second to his own. John
Wise, a neighbor of mine, did thusly.
and when got married concluded Id
do like Wise.
But the plan didn't york in the ease
of my second wife. No, should think
not. Sroachcd the subject kindly.
"Matilda," said, II suppose you arc
aware that [ am now your lord and mas
ter"
"Not much you amt, said she.
Mrs. Skinner" replied, ''you are
fcarfully dcmoralizcd. You need reor.
ganizing at once You arc cranky" And
/ brandish,d NV xirtr-two cent umhrella
wildly around her.
She took the umbrella away from nc,
and locked me up in the clo,hesprcss.
1 am quick to draw an Inference, and
the inference | drew here was. that |
was not success as Il rcorganizcr of
fe,lale women
After this, changed my tactics.
let her have her own way, and The plan
worked to charm from the very first
It's the best way of managing a wife that
L know of Of course this is between
you and NC.
So when my wife was bound to go off
on bridal tour anyhow, cordially as
sented. SEQ, Matilda" said l "and
stay as long as you want to; then if you
feel as though you would like to stay a
little while longer, stay dear, stay"
She told me to stop talking, aud go up
stairs and get her red flannel night-cap,
and that bag of penuy-royal for her aunt
Abigail.
My wife is a very smart woman. She
was B xter, aud the Baxtcrs are a very
smart family indeed. Her mother, who
is going on eighty, can fry more slap
jacks now, than half these primped up
city girls, who rattle on the piano, or
else walk the street with their furbelows
and fixings, pretending to get mad if u
young chap looks at 'cm pretty hard,
but getting mad in earnest if you don't
take any notice of them at all.
All! girls ain't what they used to be
when / was young, and the fellows are
worse still When went courting, for
instance, 1 never thought of stayiug till
after ten o'clock, and only went twice a
week. Now they 20 seven nights in a
week, and cry because there amt eight.
They write touching notes to each other
during the day. "Dcar George, do you
love me as much now as you did at
quarter past twelve last night? Say
you do, dearest, aud it will give me
courage 80 go down stairs aat? tackle
them cold beans left over from yesterday"
Well, well, 1 suppose they enjoy them
selves, and it amt for us old folks, whose
hearts have got little calloused by
long wear, to interfere. Lot them get
together and court if they like it, aud /
think they do. l was forty-scven when
l courted mJ present wife, but it seemed
just as nice to sit on a little cricket at
her feet and let her smooth my hair, as
it did thirty years ago.
AS said before, my wife is very
smart woman, but she couldn't be any
thing else, and a Baxter. She used to
give lectures on Woman's Rights, and in
one place where she iectured, big col.
Iege conferred the title Of l.. l.. ID. upon