South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1870-10-21
WIT AND HUMOR.

DO you ever shake 2 yes, shake like
thunder when do you shake again 2
Cant say when-shake every day. Why
do you ask ? 20, nothing in particular
only thought if you shocks bad, I'd
like to stand by aud see if you wouldn't
shake the fifteen dollars out of your pocket
which you have owed me so long
CEIt was election day, and Grimes hav-
ing assisted on the occasion by the deposit
of his vote and the absorption of as much
old rye as be could walk under, started with
two of his neighbors, who were in the same
state of elevation, to make their way to
their homes They had to cross the Wis.
sahickon creek by a footbridge constructed
by single log thrown across, and hewcd
Hat on the upper side, but without any
handraii to aid in the transit There would
have been no difficulty with clear head
and steady legs, in crossing, but with our
party it was felt to be not devoid of diff.
oulties under the existing circumstances.
However, the creek must be crossed Grimes
friend took the lead and with much swing
ing of arms and contortion of body reached
the further side. 1t was now Grimes's
turn to face the music, and MAKING hold
start, ne succeeded in getting about one.
third tue way over, when loud splash an.
nounced to his friends tina. he was over.
board. Emerging from the water, it now
being about up to his breast, he quietly
said, as If his course was the result of ma.
ture deIiberaton, q guess III wade =
Sa-A few days ago clergyman who re-
sides not thousand miles from the beau
tiful and pleasant city of Henderson, XIV,
had occasion to make a trip into the int.
rior of Indiana. Stopping at a farmhouse
Tor dinner, the farmer took his horse to the
stable and then babe the clergyman to walk
into the house and take seat. On enter.
ing the house the gentleman was closely
scrutinlzed for some moments by the far.
mcr's wife, who unable to restrain her GU.
riosity, asked
You sell lightning rods, don't your
NO, madam replied the gentleman.
'Then you are a life insurance agent. |
guess, as haven't seen anybody else ira
Yelling of late,' again queried the old lady
'No, madam, 1 am neither answered
the gentleman.
We'll, really, if it is not too impudent
in me, | would just like to know what
you areY
Il am Catholic priest, madam, was the
polite answer
You don't say so p fairly sbrieked the
old lady. "a Catholic priest, and you can't
marry What fool
And with look of the deepest commits
Grafton the old lady placed her specs upon
her nose, took critical survey of her visi-
tor, and with a sigh she turned away NUT
tering sotto 0oce, 'ho can't marry poor fell
low, feel so sorry for him .
The gentleman asserts, however, that the
old lady showed her appreciation Of his call
ing by preparing for him as substantial
meal as he ever sat down to.
EE The fashioned gentleman's
hats are boll-crowDed, with wide, curl
ing rim.
GETbe ngue is known in Pennsylvania
as the Juniata jig
EEAn Irishman saw cat under stone
and be undertook to pull it out, but hap
pened to be one of the genus polccat, Pat
rick was compelled to oxclaim: sHowly
mither what has the basic been eating
EyA Partisan wit meeting friend.
remarks What beautiful shoes Whore
did you get themY How much did YOU
pay for them ? Fifteen francs. Eff
teen franks That's very cheap, consider.
ing how much calf there is in them
EyTho Boston BuHctta tells this rOd
Judge B., Of New Hampshire, was what
Artemus Ward would have called 'socia-
bic cuss' off the bench and was noted for
claiming acquaintance with any one whose
appearance happened to please him. En-
tering crowded car on the Boston and
Maine railroad one day, bis Honor found
the only uuoccupicd seat to be by the side
Of a smartly dressed and rather cookbook
ing young woman Ascertaining that the
seat was not engaged, The Judge settled
himself comfortably in it, and turning with
bis accustomed bland, fatherly smile, to his
fair companion, said
Your face seems familiar to me, my
dear. ] think j must know you