Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1870-11-30
The Marriage Relation.
by JOSH BILLINGS.

Marriage is fair transaction on
the face Of IL.
But there is quite too often put.up
jobs in IL.
1t is an old institution, older than
the pyramids, aud as full of hierogly.
phics that nobody can parse. History
holds its tongue who the pair was
that first put on the sillen harness,
and promised to work kind in it, thro'
thick and thin up hill and down, and
on the level, rain or shine, survive or
perish, drownd or float
But whoever they was, they must
have made a good thing out of it, or
so many of their posterity would not
have harnessed up since and drove
out.
There is a great moral grip TO mar.
riage il is the mortar that holds the
social brick together.
But there amt but few folks who
put their money in matrimony, who
could set down and give good writ
ten opinion why on earth they cum to
do il.
This is great proof that il is one
Of fthem natural kinds of accidents that
must happen, just as birds fly out of
tho nest when they have feathers
enough, without being able to tell
why.
Sum marry for beauty, and never
discover their mistake. This is lucky.
Sum marry for money, and don't
see il.
Sum marry for pedigree, and feel
big for six months, and then very
sensibly come to the conclusion that
pedigree amt no better than skim
milk.
Sum marry because they have been
highsted snmwhere else; this is a
cross match-a bay and a sorrel;
pride may make il cndurable.
Sum marry for love, without cent
in their pocket, nor friend in the
world, nor a drop Of pedigree. This
looks desperate, but Il is the strength
Of the game.
lfmarrying for love nin't success,
then matrimony is dead beat.
Sum marry because they think wo-
men will be scarce next year, and live
to wonder how the crop holds ont
Sum marry to get rid Of themselves
and discover the game was one two
could play at, and neither win
Sum marry the second time to got
even, and find il a gambling game
the more they put down the less they
take up.
Sum marry 10 be happy, and not
finding it, wonder whore all the hap
pinoss goes to when it dies
Sum marry, they can't tell why,
and live, they can't tell how.
Almost everybody gets married, and
it is a good joke.
Sum marry in haste, and then set
down and think ii carefully over.
Sum think it carefully over first,
and then set down.
Both ways are right if they hit the
mark.
Sum marry rakes, to convert them.
This is little risky, and takes a
smart missionary to do it.
Sum marry couquetts. This is like
buying a poor farm, heavily mort.
gagged, and working the balance of
your days to clear off the mortgages.
Married life has its chances, and
this is just what gives it its havor-
Everybody loves TO fool with chances,
because everybody expects to win
But | am authorized TO state that
everybody don't win.
But, after all, married life is full as
certain as the dry goods business.
No man can swear exactly where
he will fetch up when he touches cal
leo.
No man can tell just what calico
has made up its mind to do next.
Calico don't know even herself
Dry goods of all kinds is the child of
circumstances.
Sum never marry, but this is Just as
risky; the disease is the same with
another name with IT,
The man who stands on the banks
shivering and dassant, is more apt to
catch cold than him who pitches head
fust into the river.
There are but few who never marry
because they tooR't--thoy all banker,
and most of them starve with bread
before them, spread on both sides, just
for the lack of grit.
Marry young, is my motto.
have tried it and | know what /
am talking about
Ifanybody asks You why you got
married, df needs be,) tell him you
don't rccolect
Marriage is a safe way to gamble
If you win pilej and it you lose, you
don't lose anything, only the privilege
of living dismally alone, and soaking
your own feet.
] repeat it, marry young.
There is but one good excuse for a
marriage late in liio--d second mar.
riUua