Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1870-06-17
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
= AmAN OF MARK-Mark Twain.

= AMAN OF MARK-Mark Twain.
F. CAN baby be called screaming
farcef
AN Air of Importance-one's first
breath.
A BUSINESS that is always picking up
a rag gatherer's. -5er
WHEN are thieves like leopards p
When they are spotted" :"
THOSE who have their millions have
right to put on aires.
DoN'r go to church with cough, and
distarb the rest of the congregation.
THE shallowest streams are generally
the fastest. The same is true Of men.
IF sixteen drains make one ounce, how
many will destroy all scruples ?-FHn.
Miss ADA BowLEs claims that a woman
is perfect, and man imperfect because he
lost rib.
INSURE your life for the amount your
farm is mortgaged for, in the Washington
Life.
THE potato is said to resemble near
sighted person, 1t so frequently has specks
over its eyes.
A PENNSYLVANIA thus forbids poach-
ing "Enne person treaden on these |
here premises for feer of beein shot,"
THE increase of business in the Wash
ington Life in 1887 over 1865 was greater |
than any other cash company.
WHY use three words when one will ex-
press the same thingP Say" duoterpsi.
choreanoclogopedalitysion," not "double
clog dancing"
Missouri hogs are so fat that in order
to find out where their heads are 1t is nee.
essary to make them squeal and then
judge by the sound.
FORCE OF HABrT-A man who always
dog's-eared a page of book in order. to
remember passage, invariably used TO
| turn down street so as to fix 1t in his
memory.
ONE of aparty of musical friends, re-
ferring to an exquisite composition, said
That song always carries me away when
| hear It," Can any one sing ?" asked
Jerrold. ---
AREPoRTER, in describing a gale of
wind, says; GA white dog, while attempt
ing to weather the gale, was caught with
his mouth open, and turned inside out"
IT is related of an amateur farmer in
Connecticut, that being told it was time to
"brush his peas" he procured broom,
and toward night was hard at work "wip-
ing the dust off"
A LITTLE four-year old boy sat alone on
the piazza, when new physician came to
see his sick mother. The doctor naturally
wished to make his acquaintance, and said:
/" How old are you, my SOM" "I am not
old am new" said the boy.
"IT's desp'r't thing" said old Joe
Smykers-"a desp'r't thing; that are
young couple, who've been billin' and COO
in and maxim eyes at one another for a
| NINTH havn mi Onn t,,t ha,, ,iota
got permit to see if they can't keep it up
tor life time |" ~ L.
THE WMD.-When is it like a certain
fruit? When it is current. When is it
like music? When it whistles. When is
it like babyH When it is squally. When
like a fruit treeS When it blows. When
like a person in deep afIliction9 When it
moans. When like newspaper When
hpufis.
A MRS. HANNAH JONES piously raised
tablet to the memory of the departed
Jones, who had been hosier, the inscrip-
tion on which, after recording his many
virtues, wound up with the following
couplet:
/" lie left his hose, his Hannah, and his love,
To go and sing hoeannah in the realms above"
In the cemetery at Lery the follow
ing epitaph may be seen: Here lies
pal counsellor of the commune. He was
beloved and respected by all who knew
him. His inconsolable widow lin concert
with her new husband) has erected this
monument to his memory"
] KNOW of little girl in England who
loves to pray. But one night she was
very tired and sleepy, and was getting
into her little bed without saying her
prayers. But her mamma told her to
kneel down first to pray. So she folded
her little hands and said: "Please God,
remember what little Polly said last
night; she's so tired tonight. Amen"
LET young man at twenty years of
age put twenty dollars at interest, instead
of expending it for tobacco. Then at the
beginning of the next year repeat it, and
include also the principal and interest of
the preceding year, until he shall have
reached the age of seventy. The amount
he would realize would exceed thirty
thousand dollars.
A GENTLEMAN was describing to Doug
las JerrOld the story of his courtship and
marriage, how his wife had been brought
up in a convent, and was on the point of
taking the veil, when his presence burst
upon her enraptured sight, and she &C.
cepted him as her husband. Jerrold lis.
! tened to the end and quietly remarked !:
"She simply thought you better than
, nun."
THERE is to be a general reunion of the
Alumni and Past Cadets of Norwich Uni
versity, at Northfield, Vt, on the 18th and
14th of July next, in accordance with a
vote of the association passed in 1865. AS
this occurs during commencement week,
a large gathering is anticipated, and the
occasion will be one of very great inter
est. The Grafton is to be delivered by an
eminent soldier of the war, Brigadier
General W. Fl. II. Davis. 1t is proposed
by the association to visit on the 10Th, en-
n1aSSe, the old site of the University at
Norwich, and this is by no means the least
attractive part of the programme.
A TREATISE ON ETIQUETTE-Never eat
soup with fork. II you want to run for
office next fall nominate yourself at once,
and pitch right into the cauldron with a
F vim. lfyou see Jones at the theatre with
a young lady, yell out "Hello, Jones,
how is your wife?" Jones will think it
funny. Young ladies, always give pre-
cedence to age, and never go to the wash.
tub II your mother or grandmother are
presents they might consider it disre-
spectful. In the dining room no gentle.
man will sit on the table, nor is it polite to
get under it until too drunk to sit in a
chair.
AT Henry Ward Beecher's church, on a
recent Sunday, just as he was about to
commence his text he discovered that the
light was insufficient, and asked some one
in the gallery to open the blinds. During
the delay brother jumped up and said
that there was a patent fastener for blinds
by which the light could be graded" and
that he had called the attention of the sex
ton to it, and had offered to pay for the i'm
provement, but that no attention had been
paid to his suggestion. Mr.. Beecher i'm
!, mediately replied "Thank you; l will
see that it is attended to this week, and
} will have the bill sent to you !" whereat the
} congregation laughed at the expense of
the generous brother.
AN atomist of the Harvard Adoocate
submits the following, dprOpOs of plan
for facilitating the requirement of a
knnWledpe of savaral auhiacts hu at. tin er