Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1870-01-11
A Western poet describes the Western prairies
-Lat9ach ff02. Has2,a03'ists.

A hand to- hand affair-Marriage.
A smart thing-a mustard plaster.
A woman's pride and sailors guide-the
needle.
Motto for an old bachelor-be just and fear
knot.
The miserable rich are covered with ermine-
the miserable poor with vermin.
Mrs Lincoln is having Abraham's clothes
made over to fit the coming man.
"Hurry. mamma" said little innocent with
his cut finger; hurry, it's leaking"
Miss Jinglesby says the best way to get q
sweet husband is to marry contectioner.
A negro baby, with ten fingers on each hand
has been born at Louisville. Bad news for
chickens
''Coms, darling, it is bedtime. All the lit
tie chickens have gone to bed" yes mann
ma, so has the old hen.
What is the difference between farmer and
q seamstress? One gathers what he soWs, the
other sews what she gathers.
Mr.. Simms says if it wasn't for the hole in
the hoop you couldn't put it on the barrel, and
the barrel would burst.
A little girl who had never seen any kittens
was shown litter lately, when she expressed
her opinion that somebody had broken pussy
all to pieces.
A dandy swell in New York is in fix His
pants we're made so tight for him that he can t
get his boots on, and if he puts the boots on
first, he can get the pants on.
ALL FoURs "A phriend pheeling phunnily
phigurafive, FURNISHES the pholowing: 4ty
4tnnate testers 4ruitou>ly 4tyfying 4lorn 4tress-
es. 4.ibly 4bade Airy 4midabie 4egners dining
4aglug Aces
To an absent one oh, Richard, dear Rich
ard. come to US now. the clock on the church
strikes one you said you were coming right
home from Lewisburg. soon as the holidays
were done; times are quite hard. and items are
scarce. and credits played out-d We see? Oh,
Richard, dear Richard, come home to us now,
your devil is waiting for thee.
''You pull teeth here suppose p inquired
a green looking customer, who dropped into a
dental Office for information.
Yes sir. take chair, replied the propri
etor ''our charge is only fifty cents, and l can
do it instantly.
well, guess I'll wait until get home for
I can't pay that price. because our doctor char
ges only quarter, and it takes him two hours
besides he pulls you all around the room, and
An Iowa stump orator, wishing to describe
his opponent as souess man, said, Il have
heard some persons hold the opinion, that Just
at the precise moment after one human being
dies another is born, and the soul enters and
animates the new born babe. Now, / have
made particular and extensive inquiries con
corning my opponent thar, and [ find that for
some hours before he drew breath nobody died
Fellow-citiZens, | leave you to draw the infer
ance -
Josh Billings says when spiders are seen
climbing up the wall backward. and frogs cough
as if they had the hickups, look out for rain
This is also sure sign that children will have
the measles light" He is also of opinion that
''when hens lay two eggs day, and men cease
to bragg and wimmen cease to caekle, then In
jiu summer draws ri, and the Millennium ain t
fur oph." Furthermore, he says: Love is
sed to be blind, but kno lots Of phellows in
love who can see twice as much in their sweet
hearts as | kan.
A pennsylvania Bachelor thus getteth af-
ter a lovely woman.
whale of the ocean, whose bones are torn asun-
der to enable her to keep straight.
Il impeach her in the name of the peacock,
whose strut without his permission, she has
stealthfully and without honor assumed.
II impeach her in the name Of the horse,
whose tail she has perverted from its use to the
making OF wayy tresses to decorate the back Of
the head and neck.
81 impeach Der in the name of the kangaroo
whose beautiful figure she, 10 taking upon her
self the Grecian bend has brought into ill-favcr
and disrepute.
Here the old fellow heayed sigh, and heav-