The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-09-04
Morning Star and Catholic Messenger.
WIT AND WIsDoM.

Th0 man who took entirely to cOHeo said
ne had sufficient grounds for doing SO.
The boy who undertook to ride horse
fadish is now practising on saddle of
mutton.
~ It il said that experienced husbands can
ull!when their wives are about to ask for
Money by the way they purse their mouths.
la lady who is trying to cure her husband
4pmoking has learned to smoke the weed
HGselE and complains that " it is rather
&texpensive habit for two"
IA would-be wit asked his uncle if the
Ming of bell did not put him in mind of
II latter end. No, sir" he replied, "but
= rope puts me in mind of yours"
Ia lawyer has conspicuously displayed in
ls Office the following suggestive ynotifica-
Ion " Gentlemen who expectOrate On the
0or cannot expect to rate as gentlemen"
s An army of bees are said to have swarmed
'linto church in Gloucester, Mass, last
lfBunday, during divine service, but retreat
/ ed when the sexton. shook the contribution
box at them.
"Bob, is your sister at home I" Yes
but she won't see you to-Eight." "Whyf"
/" Because she said she was going to have
one more mess of onions if she never got
another beau"
A young speculatof, having married
very homely girl, the possessor OF very
large fortune, declared that it wasn't the
face of his wife that struck him SO much
as her figure.
A man out West, hearing that dry cop
peras nut in q bed of ants would cause
tSem to leave, put some in his mOther-in-
laws bed to see if she would go. He says
she was there at last accounts.
"You say, Mr. Shocks, that you saw the
plaintiff leave the house. Was it in haste T.,
Eyes, SIR" "Do you know what caused
the hastef" s'rm not sartin, sir, but
- AI,o1 Of In 10
An editor in one of the New York maya
zines lately sent back his tailor's bill ac-
companied by neatly printed slip inform
ing the tailor that his manuscript was Gre
spectfully declined" Force OF habit.
IN Remember, Mrs. b." said Bobus, in
fauster, one day." that you are the weaker
vessel" "May be so," retorted the lady,
"qut III take care that you shah han forget get
that the weaker vessel may nave inc
4 stronger spirit in it."
"a A little boy in the infant class of Sun
ssday-school was asked by his teacher if he
1Shad learned anything during the past week.
||&fa Oh, yes," said ne. "What have you
Ezlearned I" "Never to trump your part
zner's trick" was the reply.
# At Kingston, Canada, dry goods clerk
Nyvas recently accommodated with the loan
Esof q revolver to blow out his brains with,
IS in order to spite q lady who had rejected
|3shim and married another. On sober second
\ thought, be sold the revolver and got
H drunk. -
y When the celebrated Cunning, after.
HI wards Lord Ashburton, was stating law
rupted him by saying, aft that be law, III
L rohome and burn my books" My lord,
replied Dunning, "yOu had better go home
and read them"
A Partisan lady abruptly entered her
~ kitchen the other day, and saw the cook
skimming the soup with SILVER spoon
She said to her, " FRANCHISE, expressly
forbade YOU to use the silver in the kitch-
nrE.n " But, ma'am, this spoon was very
dirty"
A belligerent Prussian, who recently ap-
Aeared with a dark "cloud" above his right
I'VE. in reply to the concerned questioning
Bf friend as to how ne haa come oy ~ ~
sermany. The explanation was deemed
nite satisfactory.
M An Englishman says that he arrived al
E:bicapo at night, and found the place 81
|ll that he could not get lodging any,
khere. He lay down in comfortable spo
4 Nd slept soundly; on waking up ne t4an ns
"a Hit over him in the night-such is the
stness of life in that quarter.
l0 sympathize sincerely with your grief,
lid a French lady to a recently widowed
9fend. Ito lose such q husband as 20.
ia lad" "Ah, yes, he was very goou AM
81 ss,ep. YOU see, such q misfortune is Away
IN reat. for one knows what kind OF a hus
IN land she has lost, but cannot tell VIVA
!adkind of a man one will find to succeed
ItIhim."
3IE An Ohio editor is getting particula
6kiKabout what he eats. Hear him: " Inc wo
. IA nan who made the butter which we bough
4 Aust week is respectfully requested to us
1 Sain,ore Judgment in proportionlng the ingre
MAdhnts. The last batch had too much nal
/ M1ai} it for butter, and not quite enough Tor
III waterfall. There is no sense In maxim
yburself baldheaded if butter is sixty-fv
E 2nts pound"
Il ~ A country deacon went home one ever
hi mo and complained to his wife that he ha
7een abused shamefully down at the stor
i One of the neighbors, he said, called MIN
i liar. Her eyes flashed with 1ndlgnat!oi
II q why didn't you tell him to prove 1T
Il L.s abe exclaimed. "That's the very thing
II IF that's the trouble" replied the husband
N Wtbat's lust what did do told him
g "a proye it, and he did prove it,"
MA Va merchant came into a printing office
n short time since, and seeing pile OF pape
Al LYING on the tablet being publicatlC
n eunceremoniously helped himself to
caDv. and said, 81 s'pose you don't tai
knT nav for Just one paperq" "Not a
rays.a was the reply. Shortly afterwar'
kbe PRINTER entered the merchants sto
and called for a pound of raisins, whie
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