The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-09-10
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

beauty OF his gal" said: III be doggoned II
she amt as pretty as red wagon.
She must nave been sweet as barrel of salt.
The Streator Monitor, in endeavoring to COM
prrns nj one Stourhson, not the Gen. Stoughton
who was bottled during the late war, thus scars
alot. in complicated military figures:
We attended this convention, (thc temperance
convention which net at Bloomington on Tues
day, Sept 30. It's chief success was the speech
ia the evening by Rev. J. c. Stoughton He
addressed an iatelli gent audience in the Aca-
DENY IF Music FOR aG hour and "a haif, .urpass-
ing ia our estimetlon, many of his former eff
forts lie commenced by at once vigorously
grasping the mentality OF the audience. Estab.
l>hina his position with certainty, he poured in
running fire of n!usketry with remarkable
precision, every shot telling. Following this
ekliltul fire with rapid advance, every available
point well taken, be opened as 10y coup d'e'at
with Il sweeping volley OF heavy artillery, and
completed powerful intellectual victory amid
unanimous applause.
Here the reader will be obliged to stop to get
breath.
Changing the metaphor the intellectual giant
of The Moatt0r continues:
"a valuable lesson may be derived from the
convention Oh Tuesday. Before success can
qr,dcn tie sphere Of their c0unaels: they must per.
NIT other hearts to share in the concerns of the
great work in hand. The grading of the great
railway of progress must first be contracted for,
thea made; meantime sharp look out must be
had for the best kind of motive power. The
rolling stock should not be cast-off stuff, which
i'll the moment of pressure will sink and squirm.
The cars ought to be strong and powerful so
that when collision occurs, the other train rW be
Sicycd.'
1t is no wonder tina, the Monitor has circu-
lation of over 1870 papers every week, when it
has such a genius running its editorials OF
course.
The Wenona Index says sharks tooth q,
inches long was found in the vicinity of Wenona
lately. 1t was probably in the mouth of one of
those Land Sharks" we read about.
Jersey editor, commenting on the title Of a
BOOK, only Girl" ask, 'Wel. what did they
want, twins =
The Bloomington Letder had this item lately
An OK belonging 60 John Hull, relative of
II 2. Hull who lives in Blue Mound township.
is on his w. f-7rr1 f0wa, which weighs 800
pounds.
The Panta9yapd.Ea rival paper, asks:
Which weighs 3,.0c pounds, Iowa, Blue
Mound township, II. 2. Hull, John Hull, or
the OK:
At last accounts the Leader was tyring to
clear the matter up, bu. with only mddling
Down east the spnners are ION strike for
higher wages.-ER.
Out west the spin-s.ers are On strike for
husbands.
An exchange gets off this squib:
The truth is out at last. The infant Louis is
gone to Brest.
The use OF grog having been discontinued in
the navy, it is thought that it can also do with.
on. Porter.
We copy this for the benefit of base ballsts:
On receiving the ball the pitcher raises it in
both hands on IA level with his LET, eye. Strik.
ing an attidute, he gaZes at it in contempla.
tive way, and then turns it round once or twice
20 he sure that l. Is not an orange or cocoanut.
Assured that he has the genuine article, he then
winks once at the first baseman, twice at the
second baseman, and after scowl at the short.
sop and glance at the bone-plate, finally de-
hvers the ball with the rapidity Of cannon
shot.
II is said that merchant of Buffalo has exc.
cuted bust Of his son. Out this way the sons
OF merchants prefer to execute their own "busts.
Lou. Corr. Jour.
Texas claims watermelon so large that q
coroner's jury SAT inside Of it to decide on the
melancholy late OF citizen who was fond OF
that king of fruits. ,JoSeph Uerad
He died happy though, even if his disease was
Ineon-cholic.
A New York paper gives the following "briet
Unlclote."
little girl in New I Urk got hold of a "Unior
Sorpedo' on Thursday, and curiosity prompted
her 70 pick it with her finger. The inscription
children to come unto me-"
The Woodstock Ssnt'nelgets up the following
Now that all kinds of "gardng sass" is il
market, we give the following valuable anG
ORIGINAL recipe for cooking beans: Buy bean
bathe it well, put it II twelve quarts of rive,
water, 1t you haven't got river buy cne u!
they're handy to have boil 1t six hours by a,
avoirdupois clock, take it out and wine it thor
oughly dry with soft towel, lay it on its north
west side, about sow-sow westerly; bore a bol,
In each side, abstract the in.ards quietly with
out mussing; then stuff one end with soft boilet
rice, and the other with rice boiled soft the on,
that points towards the north should in all in
stances, except IN case OF hemorrhage b. stufTe
first; then take the soft side of the shell O,
gently, then the east carefully and then sweete
with salt, and it will taste so much like rio
you'd never know it was bean.