The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-03-22
Il U M oRoUs IT E MS

DeD- A light omploymont-cloaning
windows.
be5" A thorough washerwoman-Sa
Soda
Bey" The largest ants in the world are
called elephants.
be5" A dead reckoning-Calculating
ones funeral expenses,
Be5" A charity scholar under examin-
alton in the Psalms being asked, "What
is the pestilence that walketh in dark
ness Z" replied, Please sir, bed bugs"
D4y" During an examination, medical
student being asked the question, when
does modification ensue 2" replied,
When you pop the question, and arc
answered no"
Ess~ Why is the letter r very unfortu-
nate Becauseit is always in trouble,
wretchedness, and misery, and is the be-
ginning Of riot and ruin, and is never
found In peace, . innocence.
bGE" Well, Susie, how do you like
your SCHOOL," ooh, ever 50 much,
papa" " That's right Susie. And now
tell me what you have learned to-day
Well, papa I've learned the names Of all
the little boys"
He2y1 No man can do any thing against
his will, said metaphysician to an Irish
man.
BE jabers said Pat, I had brother
that wint to JAIL an, faith, know it
was greatly against his own will
Bs7~ A young lady in Ellington, N. Y,
concluded a love-letter as follows;
shall write to you agin ,io
Cummings told me an orful story about
Suke tyler but | don't pay no atten
Shun at all to this sicknin tail
Iouln till deth part both on us.
GGgn The following order, was recently
received by Chicago undertaken " Surs
My wife is ded and wants to be buried
to-morro. At wuner klock u knose wair
to dig the hoal-bi the side of my toe
uther wiyes-Let it be deep"
BGg~ 4 gentleman from the corn
growing districts attempted to open
clam in the same manner that he would
bulls eye watch with his thumb nail.
After repeated efforts he became disgusted
and called tor another one that wasn't
so stiff in the hinges"
ReB" A young lady of one of the first
families Of Bridgeport, whose father made
a fortune selling mosquito-bar blankets
for ars1..y use, went into a drug store, the
other day, and asked for a bottle Of 8 Haip
Manure"-lt wds "Renewer" that she
wanted.
bezg1 A Justice, in rebuking a virago
who had been arraignod for nearly
scratching her husbands eyes out. said:
You should remember that your husband.
is the head Of the domestic realnl-that
he is your head, madame" Well then"
she screeched, haven't a right to scratch
my own head ?"
Deg" A mother who had with her
little daughter, was examining the figure
Ola horse on a tombstone, and wondering
what on earth it was the emblem Of.
There was nothing to explain it in the
inscription. Mama, " said the little one,
as they moved away, " / shouldn't wonder
she died Of the nightmare"
BG3" A notion seller was Offering
yankee clock, finely vanished and colored,
with looking glass in front, to lady
not remarkable for her personal beauty.
Why, it is beautiful" said the vender,
" Beautiful indeed, a look at it almost
frightens me-" said the lady. Then.
marm, said Jonathan, 6 | thin k you had
better take one that hain't got no look
ing glass"
B&E" A couple of countrymen having
visited London for the first time, ON
getting out of the stage-coach in the
centre of the city, they gazed around for
some time in silence At length one said
to the other " VOW, jim, | never see
the beat of this afore-did you? The
roads is all fenced in with houses p