Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1870-05-14
Esrcvities.

cIsia . AiuS 10 cailcG Olu AleSn
witz.
Economy is the easy chair Of old |
age.
x fat mans ticket was run at re.
cent Iowa election, but it got very lit
tie support.
A gentleman asked a friend. in
knowing manner, Pray, did you ever
see cat>fshl' "No," was the res>
ponse, but I've seen rope~walk."
A yankee editor remarks that he has
lately seen a couple of sisters who had
to be told everything together, for they
could not be told apart.
A Western contemporary thinks
that women would not make good
statesmen, because the "question Of
the age" would always trouble them.
a NewoYork hotel recently startled
its guests by putting mice pie in the
bin Of flre.' Investigation proved that
mince,pie was intended.
Ike's last trick was to throw Mrs.
Partington's old gaiter into the alley,
and call the old lady down from the
third floor TO sec an alligaiter.
Josh billings says: /" Love is sed
tew be blind; but know lots of phel>
lows in love who can see twice az much
in their swect>hearts az | kan"
The members of the Mississippi
Legislature are economical in one re-
speet, at least. They have voted them
selves one dollar year each for post
age.
Miss Barkalu, a real gorgeous belle
has been admitted to the bar in st
Louis. Now, Miss, you can Bark a nl
want to at us he males. We 'knuckle
| down."
A contemporary thinks it was bad
thing for Sheridan's Presidential as
pirations when he determined to de.
fend the~massacre OF those "ten little
iDjun boys"
| A wag, seeing door nearly off its
hinges in which condition it had been
some time observed that when it bad
fallen aud killed some one it would
probably be hung.
A Western paper says: The young
people who were seen feeding each
ether, dove fashion, over a gate post,
the other evening. had better be lit.
tie more cautious in the future.
How the governess said grace: "For
what we are going to reeeige-elbows,
elbows 1.-The Lord make us-backs in
AMI shoulders down--truly thankful
and no chattering g-amen.'
Fast Girl (to sporting gent )-@T say,
Dick, the Colonel has won the Grand
National by neck. You owe me a
/ pair of gloves" Gent-.I do. What
sort r. Girl Boxing gloves" -
Punch.
Shocks was advised to get his life in.
| sarcd. "Won't do it," said he; "it
would be just my luck to live forever
/ if | should"
| Mrs Snooks NEARLY said: "Well, |
wouldn't my dear"
/ A Salt Lake paper says the mission.
aries returning from the East report
that the people do not care much TO
hear about religion, but invariably ask
If there is any chance to make money
in Utah.
J. The total number of paupcrs in the
metropolitan District, London, on the
1 7th day OF February last, was 167 ,S94,
against 157 oil for the same week in
1867, and these numbers are exclusive
) of lunafics in asylums and vagrapts.
A girl in Chester, VT, died few
days ago from tight lacing. For sew
eral months previous to her death, this
: poor victim had been obliged to sleep
with corscts on and tishtened to the
last notch, for the loosening gave such
pain internally that she could not bear
it.
An Arkansas landlord thus advcr
tises his hotel in the local papers
"And Joseph wept aloud, and he said
unto his brethren. [ am Joseph ; doth
my father yet live And his breth-
ren answered him: You bet; the old
man is doing bully, for he boards at the
Cosmopolitan
4 A student brought suit against his
father, on account of some property left
: by his mother which he claimed.
You know how much it has al
ready, cost me for your degree" said
his father. "Weif: | will give you a
hundred pistoles more, and you may
20 to the devilp'
Hisson thought minute then shaki
ing his head, "No!' said he; II will
not go for less than two hundred!'
PROMPT MEAsUREs.-"I shall cane