Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1870-10-22
FIize--By Josh Billings.

not knox at the front door, and nuver,
nuver think Nv takin, of his hat.
Fust you kno' he is in bed with you
and up yore noze--tho what he wants
there is mistry-and he invites his
self to breakfast aud sets doun in yore
butter 'thout brushing his pants.
He helps hissef to sugar, and meat,
and merlassis, and bred, presuryes, and
vinegy-ennything, and don't wait for
no invitashun. He's got good appe>
tite, and jist as soon eat one thing as
anuther,
'Taint no use to challenge him for
takin' liberties; he keeps up hostile
correspondence with you, whether or
not, and shoots hisselfc at you like
bullet, and he nuver misses, nuver.
He'll kiss yor wife 20 times a day,
zizz zoo, and ridiku you if you say
word, and he'd rather yu'd slap at him
than not box he's dodger Nv the dog
gangist kind. Tever time you slap, you
don't slap him, but slap yoreself, and he
zizzes and pints the hine leg of skorn
at you, till he aggravates you to distrack
shun.
He glorics in alightin every pop on
the ixact spot whar you druv him from,
wich pruves the intention to teeze you.
Don't tell me he amt got no mind he
knows what he after. He's got sense
and too much ov it. the he nuver went
to skool day in his life Except in tho
supe dish.
His morals wuz niglectid. and he
lrcks good derl ov humility mitely.
lie amt bashful Bit, and | doubt ev
he blusbes ofting.
In fack, he wuz never fecthed up
tall.
He wuz born full-grown he dent
git old-uther thing git cd, but hut he
nuver gifts old-and he is inperdent
and mischievous to the day Nv his
death.
He droops in cole weather; and you
kin mash him on window pain, and
you've jest put yore finger in it. He
comes again next year. and heep
more with him. 'Taint no use.
--~~--a~e~~--
Show this to your husband - A
neye-failling cure for 'sulks:" Silks.
Marion county, Ala, has a surplus
Of 500 spinsters who have no chance Of
marrying there.
How the watering places bellies con-
quer: They trust in rogue, aud keep
their powder dry.
Filtration is now taught in six easy
lessons-permanent, some of them.
In Swden the housewives bake bread
enough at once to last month, and
then hang it up around the room.
The manufacture of American flags
is said to have suddenly become lerd-
ing branch Of business, in Paris.
A lady caught her husband breaking
her hoops. Two hours afterward the
unfortunate man was seen at drug
store purchasing hair restorative.
The census in Iud reveals the fact
that in majority of cases where twins
are returned the husband is younger
than the wide.
There is a general outcry made by
railway passengers against the extor-
tionate prices demanded tor sleeping
berths on most ef the lines.
A lady who had repeatedly called
her little boy to come in and say his
prayers, was somewhat taken back by
his asking her if "God was in much of
hurry"
Mathew Hayes, rich bachelor Of Du.
buque. has been mulcted in S5 900 by
the Circuit Court of Buchanan county,
for breach Of promis to marry Mrs. c.
Mueller, a divorced woman of Du>
buque,
A young professor at one of the col
leges married lady 20 years his senior
This was said, by witty friend, to be
proof of his ambition, as he appeared
desirous OF studying 1.-THE ancients'
A young girl eloping with married
man in Iii. was confroted at the depot
by the wife and arrested for obtaining
husband under false prctences.
A man committed suicide 10 Chi
caga on Saturday, because young wo.
man said no 1t is oil the same. He
would probably have done the same
thing in time had she said yes.
A rich German from Oshkosh went
down to Fon du Lac lately and married
servant girl at the Potter House, on
ten minutes acquaintance and the land.
laday's recommendation.
"Was it youn eldest daughter, mad
am, that was biien by monkey Z"
mo. sir, it was my youngest. My ED.
esn daughter had worse misfortune |;
she married monkey.
Nj. Bauer, Paris, has taken patent
for the manufacture of steel printing