The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-09-22
ScissOrinctum.

A young man, recently married in Be-
lott, helped bis wife, while courting, to
sew together rags enough to make sixty
yards Of carpet,
A young lady, about to be married,
says she will not promise to 'love, honor
and obey," but viii say instead, ''love,
honor and be gay"
81 am going to the post-office, Bob,
shall inquire for you?" "Yes, you may
inquire for me, but don't think you'll
ind ms there"
A lady, in reply to some guests who
praised the mutton on her table, said :;
" Oh, yes, my husband always buys the
best; he is great epicaC
An anti-matrimonial society is a an Tn-
diana notion. Some of the people think
marriage useless expense when you are
bound to be divorced in month.
"What would you be, dearest, if Iwere
to press the seal of love upon those seal
ingwax lips!" said Walter to his sweet
heart. 81 shonld be stationary" she re-
Piled.
At late fashionable wedding the bri-
dal party being little dilatory, the or
ganist played, "Eager to meet thee, love;''
and again, the lovers not coming, he sound
ed forth, "Robin's not here"
There is a man down east, rather fa-
cetious fellow, whose name is New. He
named his first child Something, as it was
something new. His next child was call,
ed Nothing, it being nothing new.
A young fellow having been charged
with getting drunk the night before, and
wishing to justify himself, declared that
he never was drunk, nor never meant tc
be, for it always made him feel so bad the
next morning.
"Wife," said a broker few days since
''do you think | shall ever be worth fifty
thousand dollars!" "Ain't | worth that
toyOu" said the conGding spouse. "Y-e-s,'
said the other half; 'but | can't put you
out at interest"
It's not speaking i'll of the place to say
that it's Pekin. ILL.,, where the young lady
resided, who, few days since, was divorc
ed from her third husband, met, loved
and married her fourth, and started East
on her bridal tour-all within seven hours
Mark Twain thinks that sodawater i,
not reliable for steady drink-it is toe
gassy. The next morning, after drinkin!
thirty-eight bottles he found himself full
of gas, and as tight as balloon. H,
hadn't an article of clothing he could wear
except an umbrella.
"Well," said Douglas Jerrold to the col
lector of fund in behalf of a sufferin!
friend; show much does - want thi
time!" "Why just four and two naught
will, think put him straight" the bear
er of the hat replied. "Well," said Jer
rod, "put me down for one of tn
naughts."
A bachelor on Twenty-seventh street
New York, had the blues, and applied tt
doctor for some medicine. The docto
inquired into his case and wrote pre-
scription in Latin, which the bachelor tool
to drugstore. Translated, the prescrip
ton read, Seventeen yards Of silk, will
woman in it," The bachelor proposed
to a lady that evening and was married il
two weeks.
"William thee knows | never call any
body names; but, William, if the Mayo
of the city were to come to me and say
Joshua, | want you to find me the bigges
liar in all Baltimore,' | would come t,
thee and put my hand on thy shoulder
and say to thee, "William, the Mayo
wants to see thee."'
A ragged little urchin, begging in tn
street the other day, was asked by lad
who filled his basket if his parents wer
living. "Only dad, marm," said the boy
Then you have enough in your basket t.
feed the family for some time," said tn
lady. "Oh, no, [ haven't NEITHER" sal
the lad; 'for dad and me keeps five board
ers. He does the housework and do tn
market'n
A rich heiress of France was betrothe
to an aristocratic young officer of high ran
in the French army. At the first indica
tion of war the young officer, whose nup
tials were to be celebrated at an early day
resigned his commission. On hearin
this his betrothed sent him the followln
laconic letter: 81 had intended to MARI
a man. You are not even woman. Coun
no longer on me-"
A story is told of soldier in the arm
whose only fault was drunkenness. Hi
Col. demonstrated with him.
"Tom, you are bold fellow, and
good soldier, but you get drunk"
"Colonel," replied Tom, show can 20
expect all the virtues Of the human char
acter combined, for sixteen dollars
month :"
A young lady from the rural district
went to Des Moines to see an elephant.
In the street-car the conductor said [
her:
"Miss, your fare"
"Well if l am" she replied, "I don
want any more of your impertinence."