The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-11-19
WIT AND WISDOM.

VIII AMI W1cDUM-
JOSH BILLINGS says Everybody seems 70
be willing to be phool himself, but be kant
bear to have anybody else ore."
"CAN'r we make your lover jealous, Miss?'
" Oh, yes, sir, ! think we can if we put our
heads together.
The new married woman a property law
in England has gone into effect. A woman's
earnings are hereafter her own policy Of
insurance is her own; she may sue and be
suedIseparately husband is not liable for
bis wife's snte-marrisge debts.
An exchange says The report that
the mosquitoes at Long Branch open clans
with their bills is q gross exaggeratlon. They
merely drill holes through the shells"
The Boston Journal gives the following
in its report Of the earthquake: when the
earthquake took place" said husband to
bis wife, 81 felt nv heart beat so that |
was frightened" Yes" replied the dear
creature, it takes an earthquake to make
your heart beat" AMI this couple have eel
ebrated their silver wedding
AN intoxicated Hibernian, who was ar
rested for intoxication at Albany, the other
night by a German policeman, tnrned upon
hts captOr with hdcous grin, and remark
ed. "Oh il | only bad you in Ireland,
I'd make you yell loud enough TO be heard
all over Germany"
A SHORT time since Mr.. Knott was tried
in an interior county Of Georgia for a viola
ton Of the law. The verdict Of the jnry
was "We find the defeudent Knott gull
ty." The judge was at loss whether to
sentence o. not
MA" said an intelligent, thOugusful boy
of nine, l don't think Solomon was so
rich as they say be was" "Why, my dear
what could have put that into your bead p
asked the astonisbed mother. Because
think il be bad been so rich be would have
bad bed Of his own"
DEFEND upon yourself; riding upon the
shoulder Of another is dangerous and foolish.
IF you are not cast off into disagreeable
place, you may be let down in very ugly
manner, when you least expect il.
"Sir," said the astOnished landlady to a
boarder, who just sent bis cup forward for
the seventh tine, you must be very fond
Of coffee" "Yes, madam, | am, hs re-
piled, "or | never should have drank 20
much water to get little"
MARX TWAIN relates a striking case Of
meanness. lie says be knows a society
which hired man 70 blast rocks, and as be
was pounding the powder with croWbar an
explosion took place, sending the man and
crowbar out of sight. Both came down
again all right, and the man went to work
again promptly. But though be was gone
but fifteen minutes, the company " dooked
him for lost time"
A RATHER bashful young man, after long
and arduous courtship, found himself one
bright evening the bethrothed Of a pretty
girl, and the very pink Of Inodestv "a
was about to take bis departure, ';rssa,
lingering about the door for ,some TIN ~
declared end protested to Miss Sallie thai
be couldn't nor wouldn't leave until she had
kissed him Ofcourse Miss Sallie blushed
beautifully, and vowed in return that she
could not, would not do that-something sne
had never done, nor never would until she
wac married. The alteration became 20
exciting that the gentleman got into buff,
and declared that if be couldn't kiss her be
would not have her, and was marching Of.
She watched him to the door, and seeing
that be was indeed IA earnest, and that she
must lose him unless scrnefhing wac done,
she said coaxingly: +" Come back, then ;
III split the difference with you. You may
squeeze my hand"
A CAPITAL joke, and all the more pallts-
BILE because it is true and can be vouehed
took place few Sundays since at one Ofthe
prominent Fourth street churches. Ii seems
that a worthy deacon has been very indus
trious in selling a new church book, costing
rs cents. At the service in question the
minister, Just before dismissing the congre-
CATION, rose and said" All you who have
children to bapti5e will please present them
next Sabbath" The deacon, who by the
way was little deaf, and having an eye
to selling the books, and supposing BIZ pas
tor was referring to them, iu mediately
jumped up and shouted -" All you who
haven't any can get as many as you want by
calling on me, at IS cents each The
preacher looked crossed-eyed at the broth
ers, the brothers looked at the clergyman,
the audience punched the audience in the
side, the bubble grew larger, until IT burst
into loud guffaW. Ladies colored up Grim
son, blushed, and thanked the Lord for the
low price of peopling the earth. There was
no benediction that morning worth speaking
of Tbs deacon, after be bad found out
bis mistake, change bis pew from the front
of the church to the third from the rear
and though be cannot hear the sermon. be
Is consoled with the thought that the young
ialies can't sricker at him.--NeW Jsrgey
Patriot