Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes Co., O. [Ohio]) 1870-1895, 1870-08-25
GLE EANINGs.
Ocean lumber-The seaboard.

A cobbler has "a sole purpose in life.
A Philadelphia lady takes care of
Z, 100 flower pots in and about her
house. --s -i1'-..3 Won f.-r .sa9
Tonight you git or dangle,P is
the notice served on the thugs of
Wyoming. s e--Ja ~
A Providence undertaken has a
pleasant habit of sending his card to
all the sick persons he can hear of.
The most direct way to determine
horse power is to stand behind
horse and tickle his legs with brier.
New Hampshire takes the premi-
nm for early marriages. The census
there shows that = lady aged thirty
has son twenty eight years old.
Prominent women leaders com
plain that it is impossible to prevent
Efreeloyc.idcas from shtruding-them=
selves in some shape in the suffrage
conventions. - .--..-.
A Wisconsin census taker has
come across an old colored woman,
iO7 wears of age, who declared that
she had worn herself out working
for the white folks, but hoped by
few years of quiet to ''outgrow it.
Her youngest child, girl, is now liv-
ing, and is fifty-one years of age.
nervous Ohio householder was
walked up the other night by an
alarm of burglars, got out his gun,
fired from the window and ruined
pair of his best trousers that were
tapping on clothes line.
That was an economical indiyidu-
al in the country who, on being
questioned as to the remarkable bear
ing properties of his grape vine' said
he ''hadn't teched it since he put the
old man under it last spring"
A Missourian offered $75 for the
privilege of acting as hangman at a
recent execution. He owed the man
a grudge, and wanted to take this last
opportunity of dropping the subject.
Charlie" said grandma, reprov-
ingly, 'your portion will be the burn
ing lake at last, if you go on telling
so many stories sOh, no, grand
ma, couldn't stand it." But you
will be made to stand it, my boy
'sOh, well, grandma, if / can stand it,
it's all right.
A lawyer in Connecticut, not re-
markable for his cleanliness of per-
son, appeared at a party with a rose
in his button hole. "Where do you
suppose it came from! SAID ne 10
brother lawyer who was admiring it.
The latter looked up and down the
entire length of the qnestioner, and
with great deliberation responded;
"Well, suppose it grew there"
The Mouth of the Mississippi
can be opened for s50O,OoO, which
is a good mouthfull for any one.
George Peabody used to say
that he did not attempt to relieve
pauperism, but to prevent it.
The advice of a Pennsylvania
suicide to his brother was: Willie,
don't go with the fellows who have
more money to spend than you have. "
Complaints of the dullness Of
business are almost always in order.
But when a Connecticut man grum-
bles because of the dullness in the
business of manufacturing coffin
trimmings, he runs the thing into the
ground.
This is capital ale" said an old to-
per; ''see how long it keeps its head"
"Aye," said a bystander ''but con-
slider how soon it takes away yours.
A country deacon went home,
one evening. and complained to his
wife that he had been abused down
at the store shamefully. One of the
neighbors, he said, called him liar
Her eyes flashed with Indignation
'Why didn't You tell him to prove
itg" she exclaimed. That's the very
thing-that's the troubler' replied
the husband; that's what | did do;
told him to prove it-and he did
prove it."
Mrs. Partington has been sick
and being inspired expressed her
feelings in the following language:
LA me, here | have been suffering
the bigamies of death for three NOR
tai weeks. First, was seized with
a bleeding phrenology in the left
hampshire of the brain, which was
exceeded by stoppage of the LETT
ventilator of the heart. This gave
me an inflammation in the borax, and
now I'm sick with the chlorofom
morbus. There's no blessing like
that of health, particularly when
you're sick"
William Lacy, jr., son of Viii
liam Lacy. commercial editor of the
Albany Argus, died n few days ago,
and PosT-MoRTUN examination re