The Idaho world. [volume] (Idaho City, Idaho Territory) 1864-1918, 1870-10-13
IDAHO WOLRD.
CHAMBERMAIDs.
AN ESSAY ny MARK TWAIN.


AGAINST all chambermaids of whatsoever ag
or nationality, launch the curse of Bachelor
dom!
Because:
They always put the pillows at the opposit,
end of the bed from the gas burner, 80 tina
while YOU read and smoke before sleeping ca
is the ancient and honored custom of bache
lors), you have to hold your book aloft, in dI
uncomfortable position, to keep the light from
dazzling your eyes.
When they find the pillow removed to the
other end of the bed in the morning, they re
ceiye not the suggestion in friendly spirit
but glorying in their absolute sovereignty, and
Implying your helplessness, they make the bed
just as it was originally, and gloat in secret
over the pang their tyranny will cause you
Always after that, when they find you have
transported the pillows they undo yeur work
and thus defy you, and seek to embitter the
life that God hath given you.
If they cannot set the light in 'an inconve.
nisnt position any other way. they move the
bed.
If YOU pull your trunk out six inches from
the wall, SO that the lid Will stay up when you
omen il. they always shove that trunk back
again They do it on purpose.
If you want the spittoon in a certain spot,
where it will be handy, they don't And SO
they move it.
They always put your other boots into mac
cessible places They chiefly enjoy deposlIng
them rs far under the bed Us the wall will per
nit II is because this compels you 10 get
down in an undgufed attitude and make wild
sweep for them in the dark with the bootack,
and swear.
They always put the matchbox in some 9th,
or place. They hunt up new place for it
every day, and put bottle or other perishable
glass thing, where the box stood before. This
is to cause you To break that glass thing, crop
ing about in the dark, and got yourself into
trouble.
They are forever and ever moving tho furn-
iture When you come in, in the night, you
can calculate on finding the bureau where the
wardrobe was in the morning. And when yoa
go out in the morning. If you leave the slop
bucket BY the door and the rocking chair By the
window. when you come IN ut midnight, or
thcreabOut, you will fall over the rocking chair,
aud you will proceed toward the window and
sit down in the slop tub. This Will disgust
you. They like that
No matter where you put anything, they
won't let ii stay there. They viii take il and
move it the first chance they get. IL is their
nature And, besides. il gives them pleasure
They would die II they couldn't be villains.
They always save up the old scraps OF print |
ed rubbish YOU throw on the floor. and stack /
them up carefully on the table. aud then start /
the fire with your valuable manuscripts. IL
there is any one particular old scrap that you /
are more down on than any other. and which /
you are gradually wearing your hfc out trying /
To get rid Of. you may take all the pains you |
possibly can in that direction, but il won't be /
of any use. because they will always fetch that !
old scrap back and put 10 in the samr old place
again every time. Ii does them good
And they use more hair oil than any SIX men.
IT charged with purlo,ning the same. they lie
about it. What do they care about hegeai-
ter Absolutely nothing
II you leave your key in the door for couvc.
uience sake, they will carr il down TO the
office and give il Ia the clerk. They do this
under the vile preface Of trying 90 protect
your property from thieves, but actually they 1
do it because they want you 10 tramp down
stairs after it when you come home tired, ar
put you To the trouble oil sending a waiter for
it, which waiter will expect you To pay him
something In which case | suppose the de-
graded creatures divide.
They keep always coming to make up your
bed before you get up. thus destroying your
resi- 5uu lHIi1Ct1ng agony upoA goa' oht a't'E
you get up, they don't come any more till the
next day.
They do all the mean things they can think
OF, and they do them out of pure cussedness
and nothing else
Chambermaids are dead to every human 10.
stinct.
have cursed them in behalf Of outraged I
They deserve 1t. If can get
q bill through the Legislature abollshing cham
bermaids, | mean to do it.