Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1870-05-13
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\ naHr EnrIorNEET-making candies
An exchange says lovers, like armies, gen
orally get along quietly until they are engaged
To have tarts for tea, let your wife see you
kiss the waiting maid. a sure thing
WuEy is a ladys neck not neck? When
it Is little bear, (bare:
WuAr is better than a promising young
man? \ paying one.
Why are good husbands like dough? Be
cause women need them.
Br temperate in diet. Our first parents ate
themselves out Of house and home.
4 scuI8BLrR says life is too short to drink
poor whisky, or to make love to an ugly wo-
man.
| Go to strangers for charity, acquaintance
for advice. aud relatives for nothing-and
you will always have supply.
4 wAGGr,u candidate, coming in the course
of his canvass, to a tailor's shop, said, ''What
we look for here is measures not men,
a SWEET CoxsoLArIoS.-There is said to
be something consoling for every i'll in this
lie. For instance, if man is baldheaded,
his wife can't pull his hair.
ANNA to her beau)-Frederick. what city
i that YOU are going to visit this fall? Fred.
If you have no objection, I'm going to
| Haye-Auua.
ON some railroads it is customary to have
lock on the stove to prevent passengers
from meddling with the fire. A wag being
asked why they locked the stove, coolly re
Piled that 1T was to prevent the fire from 60
ing out.
) CYNICAL journalist says the reason so
many marriages occur Immediately after a
great war is, that bachelors become so accus-
toned to strife that they learn to like it, and
after the return of peace they enlist in matri-
mony as the next thing 10 war.
Az Irish lad having been asked if the man
who had last dogged him was his own father,
replied "Yis, sure he is the parent " me:
but he trates me as if was his son by anoth-
eF father and mother, bad luck to him"
VERY GooD.-Gt school examination
young tyro in defamation, who had been
told by the teacher that he must gesticulate
according to the sense, in commencing a
piece with The comet lifts its fiery tail, "
lifted the tail of his coat to horizontal 20,
si'ion, causing roars Of laughter.
A LADY on one occasion, travelling in a rail
way carriage. was much annoyed by a cock
ney companion continually embelIishing his
conversation with This ere and That air.
In few minutes afterwards she quietly re
quested him to close the window, remarking
This ear is affected BY that air
A GENrLENAy riding through Sydenham
saw a board with This Cottage for Sail,
painted on it. As he was always ready for 4
pleasant joke, and seeing a woman in front
Of the house, he stopped and asked her very
politely, when the cottage was to sail?'' 'Just /
as soon as the man comes along who can /
raise the wind was the quiet reply.
An amusing story is told of cunning cx-
hiJitor at a recent agricultural fair in Connec-
ticut, who divided bushel of peaches, and
entered one half in his own name, and anoth
er in the name of an influential man in
neigLboriug town. The big man got the
prize, and the other contribution, although Off
the same tree. was not mentioned.
''PA, didn't you whip me for biting Tom
my
..Nes. my child; you hurt him very much.
''Weu, then, pa; you ought to whip nam
mas music teacher, too, for he bit mamma
right in the mouth, and know it hurt, be
cause she put her arms around his neck and
and tried to choke him
Eru- N~opE- nG;rar who yroe ny, h, f;,ra tho