The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1870-09-16
The Monkey.
By JOSH BILLINGS.

BY JOSH BILLINos.
The monkey il human being, little nm
} der sissed, kivvered with hair, htched to
tail, and filed with the devil.
Naturalist will tell you, If you ssk them
that am mistaken, that mean we'll enuff
and don't mean tew deceive ennybody. bu
the monkey il not human being. he i
simply pun on humanity, kind ov NAL
ishus joke ov Jupiter's, = libel, with lon,
tail tew 1t, MYSTERIOUS mixtur ov mdikrou
mischief and stale humor, kind Of p.ciue
hobbyhoss, or connecting gang plank be
tween man in his dignity and Tie beast II
his darkness.
Pure diviltry IL the monkeys right bower
he IL only valuable (az personal property
tew look at, and wonder what be il coins
to do next.
He IL jack at all trades; put him in q
barber shop, he will hther, and try tev
shave himself, and color his mastssh; bu,
him in . dri good store, and will handle
more goods than the best retail clerk In A.
T. stewart's employ.
The monkey hcz not got logikal he'd; i,
IL tcw much like pin he'd. all in q heap q
onst, but his face is a concentrated dew
drop Of malishus mischief.
He resembles the rat terrier in counten
ance, and skra tches hiz he'd % nstrsl a q
distrikt skool boy, and undoubtedly for tn.
same reason.
Monkeys never grow emmy older in ex.
preshun; yung monkey looks just like his
grsndpapa, melted down, and born again.
They arc sometimes kept as pets, but
should rather watch two adopted orphan
boys, fresh from the Home of the Friend.
less, than two monkeys.
They will cat everything that man will,
except bolony sarsage, here they show more
instinkt than reason.
But after all, the monkey shows evident
signs Ov reazon, they are, az means ov
praktikal grace, the most useful kritters /
hsv ever pondered over and skrxtched mi
he'd about
They won't work, and they won't play,
unless they kan rsize sum devil, they are
too mulch like human being in looks and
actions to kiln off, it il impossible tew gaze
at one and git mad at him, and it is impos-
sible tew laff at their sn,irking satanity
without getting mad at yourself.
If emmy body should make me present
Of . monkey, don't know whether should
konsider it intended for malice, or a joke,
but ! do know that should send him back
bi the same person that fetched him, to the
doner, marked in loud italicks-C. o. d.
Tue OLDEST REPuBL1c N THE WORLD.
The american Quarterly Res;sv contains
letter from g. W. Irving, ESQ.,. giving .
sketch Of visit to Mcrnio, . small repub.
lie in Italy, between the Apprentices, the
Po, and the Adriatic. The territory of the
State is only forty miles in circumference,
and its population about 1000. The re.
Sgo, on, moral principles, industry and
equality, and has preserved its liberty and
independence amid all the wars and dis.
cords which have nged about it, and sent
an embassy to express his sentiments of
friendship and fraternity. 1t 10 governed
by . captain regent, chosen every six
months BY the representatives of the people
(sixty in number), who are chosen every
six months by the people. The taxes arc
light, the farm:housss are neat, the fields
well cultivated, aud on all sides are seen
comfort and plenty, the happy effects of
morality. simplicity and frugality.
THE CINCINNATI MANIA correspondent
of the Louisville Journal: thus describes
what no calls "the average Cincinnati
sn:''
The average Cincinatian, Is he sppears
to unprejudiccd Southern eyes, is . sharp,
hard, material, undcmonstrative being, who
has business" written in every lineament
of his inscrutable countenance, and an inter.
rogstory look out of his eye full of keen
glitter, which says as plain - possible
''What can make out Of your" He is well
dressed, clean and tidy; his manner 10
interior .townish, sloppy, and withal me.
cl,anicsl. There 10 nothing suacs about
him and he has no usage de monde. He
rarely drinks wine and will smoke cheap
cigars. His weak spot" 10 his money and
his turnout, which, in point Of vehicle and
horse.hesh 10 like certain class of cotton,
from fair to middling." Tho average
much given to hospitality, and he Is not
given to gushing? What Frederick Bre.
mer calls ''the sheet small amenities of life"
are oil Greek 70 him. The petite soias of so.
cial intercourse, - praciiced in the higher
grades OF civilized life, arc not known in
his vocabulary. Self seems To be the pivot
upon which his world turns, and the sight
Of . poor gentleman makes him Ill Still
this piece Of Western pine 10 very well ye-
ncered with certain superficial civilization
of dress, manners and speech, which pass
for solid mahogany or rosewood II the ve-
nearing did not peel off occasionally. in
some unlucky word, action or sentiment
We were asked, . day or two aimee. whers
the passage occurred. IN vts. x .s... 4.
swine tastes best where It srows." Or
words to that effect. The following trans.
lation from the German Of Kopish, and On.
titled ''Blucher on the Rhine 10 the one
referred to: .a.'5' '11t"-1f#4 81
TIE Rhine alone the armies stayed, q
"Shall 70 or not nov France invede7" a...-- a
Some argued t" Yes" some aryued No.
Old BluchCR cut them short With "0o.
Bring ssa1 mape hese. TO enter 1fanco
Presents - obstacle -Adyance
Wheso oeand q foei" "The foe. js4 hess--
:. :ySa. e, g: :Ro. .1,s;. ss;;.r ~ ss:: s;:,
"The lnecr ont ven take Payis!r e.
Now throw tie bsidgss cross ths Rhin4 aag
l'm svrs eA0Mpo0Se AAs gveakee seek,
AR6 NAere q 0vo1cs 0s9 soses ~ esek p
Tcarhne q lcs,A t0nna NWhaf Il vnnp