The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1870-09-16
The Josh Billings Papers.
LoNG RRANcH IN sLICEs.

LONG BRANCH IN SLICES.
Long Branch il the eastern terminus
Ov sum real estate on the west side ov
the Atlantik Oshun, and il lokated
cluss down to the edge ov the water.
The populashun IL homo genus, wo-
man genus, girl and boy genus, yung
one genus, an divers other kind OV
genus.
The divers. genus are sum plenty.
They go into the Atlantik Oshun, hand
and hand, man and wife, phellow and
gall, stranger and strangeresses, drest
in flowing robes, and cum out by-and-
by like statuary in tite fit.
The Atlantik Oshun IL a CRATE sue
cess. The author and proprietor ov it
never makes emmy blunders.
Thare il CRATE deal Ov morality
here at Long Branch. ThaFe il sum
isoated cases Ov iniquity, and a clever
sprinkling Of innocent deviltry.
am pleased to state that the iRigiGj-
tty IL principally in fust hands and finds
but few takers.
The fluid oV the Atlantik Oshun liz
psalt, and haz bin so for more than
three hundred years to nv knowledge.
L state this as a stubborn fakt, and the
" oldest ig1I1dbitaRtn - may help himself
if he can.
The oclIashun Ov this psaItness has
bothered the clergy for years. Sum ov'
them say that large Jumps oV psalt
Waz deposited in the Oshun, at an early
day, bi the injuns, for safe keeping, and
sum say that the CRATE number OV kod-
fish and nunSoer 2 makrel that travel
in its waters haz favored the oshun.
epdoYg the kOdfish and makreI Job,
not DeKauze think it il true, but be-
kause think it il the weakest, and I
haY always bin HI the habit ov stand
ing up for theGYeak and oppressed.
tllrtashuns ale thick here, but prin-
cipally occur amung thoze who hav
wore the cOnjugaI yoke until their
neckS haY begun to git CALLED.
IheZe h1rtashunS are looked upon az
entirely Innocent, and are called re-
cTuiting."
They are konsidered by sum Cwho
call themselves good judges) more
than the sea-airing.
MilliOnaires are numerous, besides
other who put on a miIlyun ov airs
more or less.
Now and then yu will see a forrfn
snob just over from the other side ov
the Atlantik Oshun. They wear long
turned down, and short
nOzes turned up.
The landlord tells me, thev hav ali
paid their bills thus far, and he sez, the
last thing he duz at mite, before he goes
teW sleep, II to pray-that they will
kOnunue on to dOsO.
The prayers Ov the righteous are sed
teW be heavy, and weigh well, and the
landlord being Oy a righteous turn of
mind, think he will win.
The Continental Hotel liz the princi-
pal one here, and il infested Just now
by eight hundred and fifty innocent
who eat 3 meals per day.
The fema1 portion Ov these dear in
nocent creatures, rool up their sleeves, |
and go down once day, to the keel ov
their trunk, and drag out bi the nap ov
the mex sum clothes, that would make
the queen OV Sheeba sorry that she
hadn't postponed living until Long
Branch had bin invented, so that she
could have got the style
l advice all ov mi friends to come to
the Continental Hotel, and bring their
best clothes with them.
Long Branch haZ menny things to
interest the scholar, and the philan-
-hGZf, among which il the race
course, just bilt.
1 attended this race-eourse lately,
and saw sum very good rotary move |
nents ON it. =
I didn't bet, bekause j hav alwus
been principled against Ioseing emmy
money.
think / could win emmy quantity Ov |
money, and not spile mi morality, but |
the loss oY fu dollars, would git mi |
Vlrtew out ov repair for ages.
Long Branch iz also the home ov
The miscellaneous crab, and the world |
renowned musketO.
The (sIs0 In iS IyaTIOrlat IN, oy,1IoSe, l,, r.,
sion at PtezsUrc Bay, cluss bi Long
Branch.
Heiz kaught bi tieing hard knot on
the other end Ov string, and then
dropping the string down in the water,
and tickling the bottom OY hiz feet
with the knot, in this way, sumtimes
he iZ kaught, and sumtimes hei knot. |
The musketO IL az natral to Nh Jer- |
see az Jersee litening iZ.
The musketO is marvellous kuss, but |
viii he ever WaZ allowed teW take out
liz papers, and travel, iz unknown to |
me, or emmy Ov mi near relashuns.
If he haZ emmy destiny tew fill, it |
must be his stummuk, for he IL the big
gest bore, aclIOrding tew the sizeov hiz |
blet, / hav ever met seldom. 1t /
- look we'll for Philosopher tew be
fracktlQus at emmy thing, not even
OuSSI ~ II SIllly uOuy ever. nSaTS me |
swear (Out loud) he may know thare |
laZ bin a kussid musketeer on mi
premises. H......-...
cum tew LoIEs5 Branch lin company
with mi wife) at the opening ov the |
season, and put up at the Continental
Hotel, and intend now to keep putting
up thare, until the house shuts up, if
hav tew klimb the flagstaff to do it.
- Every boldly who puts up at this ho-
tel, il allowed tew put up regular, once
a week, for hiz board, and promiskuss.
things.
This il a blessed privilege, which
sum folks kant never. enjoy, until they
are deprived Ov it.
1t will then be forever too late.
] am one Ov them cunning kritters
who, when they find good hotel, a
225 pound landlord, and polite officials,
dwell with them heavily.
hav sed before Gin writing about hO-
tels) that almost. emmy boldly thinks
they know how lew Keep hotel (dnd
they CIO bl1OlO hour but this ackounts
for the CRATE number Ov kussid poor
hotels, all over the country.
Don't Delay.