The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-01-20
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS,
,IG RELATIvEs-Gi-ants.

BIG RELATIvEs-Gi-ants.
LADIES CUFFs-Boxes on the ear.
THE AUCTIONEER's MOTTO-Buy and
buy.
RATHER CRY-sIs (cRIHs)-A weeping
girl.
No RECEIPT is required when attention
is paid.
THE policies of the Washington Life are
liberal as to residence.
He that will follow good advice is greater
than he who gives it.
WHEN was st. Paul a pastry-cook!-
When he went to fill pie (Philippi.)
A BosTON paper thinks naming row
of lots in suburban cemetery after
physician was in questionable taste.
"COME, don't be timid," said couple of
foolish snobs to two mechanics " sit down
and make yourselves our equals" "Wed
have to blow our brains out to do that"
was the reply.
OF twenty-five companies incorporated
by the State of New York, the Washing
ton is the Eighth in order of organization,
and may now be regarded as one of the
"Old Companies" thoroughly tried and
established
LITTLE three-year old Mary was playing
very roughly with the kitten-carrying it
+, by the tail. Her mother told her she
would hurt pussy. why, no 1 won't"
said she; "Pm carrying it by the handle"
| IT is stated by some wiseacre that the
heart of man weighs about nine ounces,
| that of woman eight. AS the age in
| creases, mans heart grows heavier, and
the woman's lighter-some girls lose theirs
| at 16.
REQUIRED-The exact height of fashion;
| the force of circumstances; the thickness
| of a beam of sunshine; the dimensions of
| frame a mans mind is sometimes in ;
also, the lifting capacity of speakers who
| take the floor
| A BLUsHING damsel called at one of the
agencies the other day to buy sewing
machine. DO you want feller?" in
| quired the modest clerk in attendance
The ingenious maid replied with some as
perity: mo, sir | have one"
| AN Irishman, officiating as chairman of
a club, was annoyed at the tumult created
by a set of unruly members, and aston
ished them by vociferating, Jintlemen,
| jintlemen, will yees come to order? If
you only kape silent you may make as
much noise as you PLACE"
"WHo built the first house." asked an
ambitious school ma am of bright little
girl, on exhibition day" 81 don't know
ma'am, but l guess Noah did" "Why
do you think so, my dear" Because he
is the first drkitect we read of"
A VALETUDINARIAN who consulted a
physician was questioned as to his gener-
al habits. Having told how much and
what he ate. how many cigars he smoked,
etc, he was asked what he drank.
Whatever the other man orders" was
the reply.
In the Wyoming House of Representa-
tives, recently, distinguished member,
seeking to sustain point of order, par
TALLY removed his outer garment, and re-
marked: Mr.. Speaker, if some reliable
man will hold my coat, I'll teach the hon
orable gentleman that he IS out of order"
The point of order was sustained.
CLERGYMAN, formerly of Newbury-
port, known familiarity as Parson Milton,
was seen by neighbor trudging home
one Monday morning with stout cod he
had just bought, and was accosted with,
Mr.. Milton. did you know that fish was
caught Sundayf" The minister, in his
characteristic blunt manner, replied: "The
fish amt to blame for that?''
THERE was, some years ago, trial for
murder in Ireland, where the evidence was
so palpably insufficient that the Judge
stopped the case, and directed the Jury to
return verdict of Not Guilty" A we'll
known lawyer, who desired, however, to do
something for the fee he had received for
the defence, claimed the privilege of adj
dressing the Court. "Well hear you with
pleasure, Mr.. r." said the Judge, but to
preoent accidents, we'll first acquit the
prisoner"
AN anecdote is told of Judge Grier,
who lately resigned his seat on the SUI
preme Bench. When he was sitting in
T Pennsylvania, a cause involving the title
to some land was tried before him. A
laundering jury returned an unjust YER
dict. AS the Clerk returned to record it,
Judge Grier said: "Mr Clerk, that YER
dict is set aside by the Court 1t may as
well be understood that in this State it
takes thirteen men to steal mans farm
LIEUTENANT DERBY" Phoenix
once hailed a stolidlooking German who
J was driving bakers wagon past Barry
* Patterns, on Montgomery street, San
Francisco, with, "Hullo! I'll take one "
Vat you takes9" said Teuton, pulling
up. "a baked eagle" said Phoenix
The driver scowled, muttered, and was
, driving on, when Derby, in an authoritative
tone, ordered him TO halt, saying, off you
don't have Eagle Bakery painted of that
wagon I'll have you court-martialedl
For BURNs.-Take a saturated solution
of alum -four ounces in quart of hot
| water). Dip cotton cloth in this solu-
i, ton and apply Immediately on the burn.
As soon as it becomes hot or dry, replace
it by another, and continue doing so as
often as the cloth dries, which at first will
be every few minutes. The pain will i'm
mediatcly cease; and, after twenty iOur
hours of this treatment, the burn will be
healed, especially if commenced before
7 blisters are formed The astringent and
drying qualities of the alum will entirely
prevent their formation The deepest
burns, such as those caused by boiling
water, drops of melted metal, phosphorus
5 gunpowder, Eliminating powder, etc
have all been cured by this specific
( american Journal of Medical Science.
IT would be well if all passengers coulG
keep themselves as firmly alOof from ex
: element in steamboat race as a veneer
able friend of Rhode Island (now descend
, ed full of years and honors to his grave
did on the occasion of race between two
I contending steamers on one occasion il
Long Island Sound. The boats had beer
running with no visible advantage OF
either side for great distance, and groups
of excited persons were on the deck dis
. cussng their several chances of triumph
and finally appealed to the friend in ques
), ton: "Don't you think we've gained OF
her in coming the last forty miles?" eyes,
replied the Quaker, with imperturbabl
e gravity,"I should say, from present ap
n pearances, that we had" ado you
j Well, Mr.. Brown, how much should yol
D think we have gained upon her." I"
| may be mistaken" replied our friend, 'fo
/ have small gift at correctly calculating
| distances; but should think that in tn
r last fifty miles we have gained about al
: inch" He was too close an observer to b.