The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-11-26
WIT AND WISDOM.

An Enclishman was identified the other
day in Peru, Indiana by means Of an II
ou his arm. in India ink, which be couldn't
drop.
A priest asked tipsy fellow where be
expected 10 90 when he died 7 8 If can't
get along any better than now" said he,
Z" shan't 60 anywhere"
A Sunday school boy, three years old, at
city church, was requested by bis teacher
to sing, "Shall VIC gather at the river 7"
g | don't want to any more; the milk-men
sing it now" be replied
Germans substitute the letter for th.
A gentleman from Leipsic, being asked
how old he was, replied, g am dirty
thirty and on being asked the age of his
wife, be answered, g She is dirty-two +"
tkirty-two.
"What fine head your boy has" said
an admiring friend. " Yes, said the fond
father, " he's a chip Of the old block amt
you. Johnnie - Il guess So" replied
the boy "my teacher said | was ayoung
blockheAd." F"
DEY DoN'T DIE DAT WAY."-There
was deal OF pith and point in the com
ment of the African preacher on the text,
" 1t is more blessed to give than to re-
ceivc" Said be
I've known many a church to die
cause it didn't give. enough but | never
knowed church to die cause it gave too
ruch. Dey don't die dat way. Brederen,
has any one OF you knowed a church to die
ca1se it gave too much HyUu do, just
lei me know, and I'll make a pilgrimage to
dat church, and I'll climb by the soft light
Of the moon TO its moss covered root, and
LII stand dar and lift my hands to heaven
and say Blessed are de dead dat die in
de Lord. - Christian at York
A NEw REMEDY.-From Surprise Val
ley comes the following story Of an old
fellow who got very jealous because his
young wife went to a ball with a good
looking fellow, and staid out until broad
daylight. The old chap went to a justice
Of the peace and told bis story, winding it
up with want yer to help me--for that
ar thing has been going on about. long
enuff.n
Well" says the Justice, you can
write down to Yreka, and see if some Of the
lawyers cau't get ydN divorce"
Divorce" " roared the angry man, "who
the deuce wants divorce n
The Justice began to get wrathy.
Ii you do t want divorce, what the
deuce brought you here -
Why, | want an injunction to stop fur
ther proceedings"
DoN'T Fretting is the most ex-
pensive habit that king or peasant can in
dulge in.
It is the most vexing habit that sur
rounding persons can be subjected to.
It is one Of the most unchristian-like
habits
If indulged in until the habit becomes
chronic, it j. then a disease, ike insanity,
and should be treated as SUCH
II wears as deep as grief, and ugly as
sn.
Fretting never did any good, never re-
paid any losses, never affected the weather,
never mended rent, never kept a dinner
or heart warm.
If you must fret, 90 of somewhere by
yourself and do it. ou may not enjoy i
quite 50 well, but boters will, vastly more.
The MYSTERY Two darkeys had bought
a mess OF pork in partnership, but sam
having no place to put bis portion in, con
sented to entrust the whole to julius
keeping.
The next morning they met, when Sam
said: Good mornin', Julius, anything
happen strange or mysterious down in your
vicinity, lately?
''Yaas, Sam, more strange thing happen
at my house yesterday night. All mys-
terry to me-
"Ah, Julius, what was dat ~
"Well, Sam, | tOle you. Dis mornin' |
went down in the cellar for TO get piece
Oh hog for dis darkey's break asst, and put
my hand down in de brine and felt around.
but no pork dare-all gone, couldn't tell
what went with it so | turn up the barl,
an Sam, true as preachin', De rats had cat
hole clear froo de bottom oh the barl and
dragged De pork out"
Sam was petrfed with astonisbment, but
presently said
WY didn't de brine run out theisame
hole -
All, Sam, dat's De mystery lat's de
mystery -