The Evansville journal., 1870-07-30
RAnY IOURNAL
SATURDAY, JULY 30, 1870.
BITS OF FUN.


Motto of the gardeners-Lettuc
plant.
An object of interest-A fve-twen
ty bond.
Courtship is bliss, but matrimcny il
blister.
A ROme.antic animal-The POpe'i
Bull.
Fruit-less demonstrations-Or OraDgt
riots.
Officers much needed on the police
force-"Orderly Sergeants."
The sham-rocks mostly worn in hats
nowadays are bricks.
A frst-rate feller-An American
backWoodsman.
An excellent car -toon-The whist.
ling of locomotive.
Why is a mouse like load of hay I
Because eat'll eat it.
IF you would look spruce in your
old age, do not pine in yeur youth.
OF all the dust thrown into mems
eyes golc dust is the most binding.
The most peaceable way to have a
knock-down Is to get up an auction.
A simple-ton.-Twenty hundred
weight, of course.
Jail yards are called hanging gar
dens.
Shocking-electric sparks and earth
quakes.
The Crate" Tribulation-A smoky
chimney.
Wrecks of Departed Joys-A pile
Of old oyster-shells.
Much of the hair now worn by la
dies is cut from the heads of eonVicts.
Hurry, nanny" said little inno
cent with his finger cut; hurry, its
leaking.
II have lost my watch overheard.
is there any way to recover it?" "Oh,
yes, diUers ways"
The shoe trade is said to be so brisk
that goods are s0led as fast as manu-
factured.
A Kansas man ate three pounds of
raisins, the other day, on a wager,
which was paid to his widow.
A wag recently appended to the
market regulations, mo whistling
near the sausage stalls"
A man who has a scolding wife. be.
ing asked what he did for living. re-
piled that he "kepta hot-house.
An exchange wants the Government
to issue stamps for kerosene inscribed
Prepare to meet thy God"
An editor of a paper in Indiana
wants to know if modern whisky was
ever seen comm thro' the rye?'
Over the door of house in village
near London, is written-Simon Bib
bles slaughters hogs like his father.
The first flies of the season" have
made their appearance. Not ''shoo
flies, but flies that ought to be shoo'd.
a London merchant advertised for
clerk who could bear confinement.
He received an answer from one who
had been seven years in Jail.
A little boy, on returning from Sun
day school, said to his mother: This
catechism is too ha-d isn't there any
kittychisms for little boys?"
A poor man being i'll, on being asked
by a gentleman whether he had taken
any remedy, replied: mo. / amt ta-
ken.any remedy, but I've taken lots of
physic."
Up and down.-The almost univer.
sal cry, Down with the taxesl' is in
consistent in one sense, because if tax
es were down, they would be extreme
ly light.
Alfred Jingle's dog is surpassed in
New Bedford, where they have a
pointer that came to dead stand still
before a door plate bearing the name
A. Partridge"
a negro parson, preaching against
the love of money, concluded thus:
And finally, bredren, you can judge
what God thinks OF money by the
class of people he gibs it to"
A man whose wife is a woman's-
rightser, has ordered gravestone, on
which is engraved, "Let us have
peace" He says he don't care whether
1t is erected over her or him.
An Irish gentleman hearing of
friend having stone coffin made for
himself exclaimed: by my sowl, and
that's a good ideal Sure an a stone
'un nd last man his lifetime r.
An Irishman dropped letter in
the postofice the other day, with the
following memorandum on the corner,
for the benefit of all indolent post
masters into whose hands it might
fall: PLEASE hasten the delay of
this"
j. Esten Cookies Hammer and Ra-
pier" just published, contains char
acterIstic dispatch, which has not yet
been the rounds of the papers, from
Lincoln to Hooker:
IF the head of Lees army is at
Martinsburg and the tail of 10 on the
Plank Road between fredericksburg
and Charlottesville, the animal must
be pretty slim somWhere. Couldn't
you break him? A. LINCOLN.
A CONVENIENT Loss OF MEMORY.
a gentleman who was very Jealous
on the subject Of horses, but not ac-
cording to knowledge, bought mare
at auction and rode her home. We'll
Caesar said he to his sable coachman,
what do you think of her2 She cost
me FIVE hundred dollars" Dunno,
master" Yes, but what do you
Think" We'll, master, it makes me
tink of what the preacher said yester-
day-something about his money is
soon parted. / disremember de fust
part.
DENTISTS.