The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1870-07-15
CLIPPINas.
A barber is always ready to scrape
an acquaintance.

a DarOer is always ready TO sCrape
an acquaintance.
When a draft passes through the
bank, does it give the clerks cold?
What is society, after all, but
mixture Of histories and miss-eries?
A pretty female artist can draw
the men equally with a brush and a
blush.
Why is kissing a girl like eating
soup with forkS Because you can't
get enough.
"Are you fond Of tongue sirF' "I
was always fond Of tongue, madam,
and like it stiU2"
mo verbal contracts good with
out stamp" is the fiat of a rural
New York magistrate.
A young man who is desperately
in love, says that he, has been electri-
fed with a gal-vanic battery.
An exchange wants to know it,
when young women blush and weep,
they can be said to raise a hue and
cry.
The song ofthe repentent husband
after knocking his wife down-'Come,
rest in this bosom, my own stricken
dear
A young Neapolitan Princess,
whose bridal toilet is just complet.
ed, has sixteen lace dresses, finest
quality.
81 believe in going to the bottom
Of things" as the schoolmarm said
when she laid refractory pupil over
her knee.
A little girl of eight or ten sum-
mers being asked what dust was, re-
piled shat it was mud with the juice
squeezed out"
Bob, how is your sweetheart get
ting along?"
''Pretty well, she says I need not
call any more"
A man who has wife or sweet
heart named Lize'is not to be believ.
ed in anything, for he's always tel
ling Lie about everything.
An affected singer at a Dublin
theater was told by a wag in the gal
lery to "come out from behind bis
nose and sing his song like other
people"
1 don't believe in fighting; tho 1
am solemnly against getting ickt.
After a fite is once opened, all the
virtue there is in it is to lick the
other party.
81 hope this hand is not counter
felt" said a lover as he was toying
with his sweetheart's fingers. ''The
best way to find out is to ring it"
was the neat reply.
Mrs. Partington, in illustration
of the proverb, "a soft answer
turneth away wrath" says, .that it
is better to speak paragOrically of a
person than to be all the time fling
ing epitaphs at him."
"Pomp, what am de jury of in
kest?' oval, de fac is, nigger, a
jury of inkest am lot oh fellers
wat sots down on a dead man to find
out whedder he am dead for sartin
or only playin' possum."
a young man counting a young
woman was interrogated by her ia
ther as to his occupation. Il am a
paper hanger upon a large SCALE" he
replied. He married the girl, and
turned out to be bill sticker.
An excellent old deacon, who, hay-
ing won a fine turkey at a charity
rattle, didn't like to tell his severely
wife how he came by it,
quietly remarked, as he handed her
the fowl, that the Shakers gave it
to him.
Cesar! go catch my big horse
there" "Yes, sar. What you call
he name sar?" "Olympus. Don't
you know what the poet says about
''high Olympus?" Il don't know
abott Hio; but he limpus nuf-dats
for sartin.'
A good natured traveller fell
asleep in a train q short time ago,
and was carried q few miles beyond
his destination. "a pretty good joke,
this isn't itY said he to a fellow pas
senger. "Yes, a little too far fetch
ed, !" was the rejoiner.
One of the Russian singers at
Pittsburgh, the other day, thought
he had got far enough along in Eng
lish to call for food at the table, and
asked the lady at his
side to pass him "sOme kiss" She
blushed, and he repeated the unfor-
tunate appendix, "The same you
cave me this morning" She arose
from her seat with indignation, the
gIared on the wretch who
would thus faunt his crime, while
he barely retained strength enough
to get up and reach the desired
Wand. 1t was cheese.
A few days since, says the Spring
field Republican, an artist Of a New
York illustrated paper, visited North
Adams to make a sketch of the coOHe
3hOemakers. He went through the
establishment and made a drawing
Of the various workrooms. and after
wards at the dinner hour he under
took to sketch the Orientals while
Of their noon day meal.
While absorbed in this, unknown to
he was handsomely csrioa-
tured by one of the artistic China
men, who, by some means, had dis
covered the purpose Of the stran-
gers visit. The sketch was very
clever, and disclosed the fact that
the new bootmakers are possessed
of accomplishments not before sus'
-,ooAaI