Weekly Trinity journal., 1870-02-05
The Freedom of Modern Social Life-Girls
Handled too Much.

Shlrley Dare concluded fashion letter In
the Chicago RepVJlican with the following;
Somebody wants chapter on what may be
termed intimate etiquette. This is touched by
such inquiries as we see in the correspondents
column of ladies papers, where Lucia wants
to know if she ought to allow u gentleman
to kiss her when she comes home with him from
a concert and Caroline is dubious whether she
ought to correspond with her friends betrothed
in secret. One can t but SympathiZe with the
young ladies, knowing how inconsiderately some
one has neglected their duty toward them.
Mothers and guardians seem often to fancy that
knowledge how to conduct oneself in the delicate
dilemmas of life comes 10y instinct Girls leave
boarding schools and go into society with the
vaguest of notions about their relations to it,
and stumble through its small difficulties hiding
their embarrassmentS as best they can, keeping
a brave front to the last, while the world never
guesses the secret torches they undergo in
trfing matters. Often enough for mere restless
craving for novel condolences, young ladies seek
public instead of private advise, and their
mothers and friends are quite ready and compe-
tent to give them all the help they need. But
there is great deal of trial that besets young
girls at the age when they feel failures most
keeny, which the best parents forget to provide
against. They ought to recall their own debates
of etiquette in youth, and teach their children
prudence before they need it. Forewarned,
forearmed.
"Nellie, see here" said prudent father to
his girl of sixteen in her tarletau ball dress,
warming her slippers before the fire, waiting for
her escort-if girls ever do any of the waiting.
" You are looking sweetly fresh tonight, and as
fresh in heart as in dress, hope. You to
stay so, do you hear, maddhem. You are not to
let people hold you close when you waltz ;
nobody has any business to touch you till you
have lover or n husband of your own.
don't want my girl talked about. Remember,
nobody has the least right on any pretence to do
more than touch your fingers or lay his hand on
you in the permittent freedom of the waltz, un-
less he is relative, or going to be-"
And after that she would probably sit in the
conservatory, letting handsome Jack, the fast
and lady-kier, slip his arm by degrees from the
back of her chair, lift her locket from her bare
neck, and kissed her hand till he dared to kiss
her lips, and gather her close to him, which
would probably be the sixth time they met, at
farthest. You see, men and women like such
things
It's right they should | am not going to
belle the blood that beats in this wrist an instant,
to say they should not. Only one may have
some choice as to whether one will accept
caresses from the wholesale stock Of natural
liking, from the special, reserved fund of
pernicious preference Suppose young, warm
hearted girl, as you lean on that broad shoulder,
in the haf-lit parlor tom light, thinking how nice
III Is W nave SOulc one IOHu uHu pTbIcClHP, anu
how dear you seem to be TO hm--suppose you
should by some invisible magnetic sense, be
made aware of all the cheeks that have rested on
that shoulder, aud all the forms that arm had
epcrcled. It's fortunate you don't know these
thngs-it might lead you, however, to keep
yourself more sacred for some one who will love
you entirely you love this man, who
" takes life as it comes and by force of habit,
if not by inclination, could not remember one
woman six months, if his happiness depended
upon it.
Did you ever see the old fashioned book on
etiquette, called The Young LadieS' FrieHd?
Good Mrs. Farrar will never guess the benefit
that straightforward, wholesome book of advice
has been to girls. She knew the class she was
writing for, and gave opinions in such words AS
these quote from memory; You are to allow
no personal freedoms from gentlemen of your
acquaintance. If "A finger is put out to examine
locket or chain on your dress, draw back and
take it off for inspection, if you choose. The
reason for this rule is clear to those who
better acquainted with the world"
The reason is perfectly clear to every one who
comes to be twenty-five years of age outside
reform institution. man of society," who dealt
in occasional rOughness Of speech, said once in II
paror before ladies', that he would never marry
then New York girl Of fashion, for the class
allowed themselves to be handled too much.
girl who protects herself from the freedom
to much in vogue in society, increases her own
value if she only knew it, with those she may
have to repuse. | don't believe in prudishness
or suspicion, but do believe that when men
and women are not contented with the friend
ship that can be impressed by frank, kind eyes,
and cordial and brief handshakes, and clear
words one is not ashamed the world should hear,
they should know what intoXication they are
sharing. 1t strikes one curiosity to see ladies
forget their hands in mans clasp while they
ora talk I'M earnestly thprp ia a dpal n
expression in the nearness Of two conversations
aists which often tells little more than people
are aware Of 1t is all right and innocent, of
course, but if people are properly Indifferent to
each Others hands, why not observe conDenances
and drop them when the cordial salute is per-
formed? You never see Rev. Mr.. Surplice hold
auy hand in his but that OF young Rocket the
curate with the melancholy large black eyes,
and you never see grave legal gentlemen crush
ing the flounces of equally grave and interesting
spinsters. There is fine distinct line between
the cordial commerce Of good will and heaven
warm affection that binds the human family
together, and these leadings of affection that
with nameless license destroy the bloom of re-
fnement.
There is one rule that settles n thousand
queries of the nature we considering. What
ever Is secret may be safely left untouched. The
touch, the look, the intimacy the correspond
ence that needs to be secret has something
wrong about 1t. If you are sure there Is no
evil in your motives, for heavens sake come out
and avow your friendship, your design, what
ever it may be. You make the world purer and
set a precedent by yonr frankness that tears
away thousand hypocrisies. The world has
keen sent for the really innocent, and if you can
not face its first sneers of criticism, you have
reason to doubt yourself.
Please consider this the porch to topic of
larger dimensions, and don't judge me too hardly
for prudery, till you hear the rest.
IRpIcATIoN IN TTAH-The Mormons in Utah