The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-02-18


1 kissed this spot" or, 81 hove sigh in
this vicinity" A tear or two aren't bad,
if dropped in the right place. If you
are short of tears, drop of vinegar is
good.
w. B.. Chelsea.-Yes, George WASH
ington is dead.
Scholar says-HI occasionally dabble
in poetry, and my friends say that /
have got talents. 1 send you one of
my poims, witch took the prize in our
town last zamination, and you can print
it, if you don't think them Atlantic
Monthly fellers will go for it:
IA REVERE.
I.
81 had dreme,
thought was alone, alone;
Olit did SEINE
SO sad, away from home, from home.
II.
"My head upon my hand
Ilent, lent;
My eyes upon the sand
1 bent, bent.
sI thort of other dase,
And things, and things;
Of happy, childish phase,
And strings, and strings"
Your style is certainly vigorous, and
your pathos defies competition, still l
shouldn't blame your family for looking
forward to your funeral with calm
and tranquil joy.
Horatio.-No; Mr.. Warren, at the
Museum, never plays Little Eva"
John.-You are right; Charles Dick
ems was the largest exporter of specie
from the United States for 1868.
Ralph says-"A fellow married my
sister, with the agreement that she
should dress in bloomer costume, and
now he won't let her. Can she sue him
for breach of promise ?" No, but she
can for a promise Of bTeecteS.
Amelia asks-How long does the
honeymoon usually last? It depends
upon the quality of the honey. If it is
thick and sweet, it lasts between several
weeks but if thin and watery, it sours
dreadful quick; when the moon
changes, a matrimonial storm immedi-
ately follows, and you are cast into a
Chicago divorce court. 1t is like a
good many other sweet things, awful
nice for awhile, but followed by a bad
taste in the mouth.
Otis says-"The other night my uncle
was telling his adventures in California,
and said when he first went out there
he was glad to sleep on the soft side of
a plank. Now which is the soft side
of a plank !" When a man wants to
sleep on the soft side of plank, he al
ways takes the side with the nap on it.
Carrie inquires-"When is the most
suitable time to get married ?" April
1st.
Viola.-This correspondent wants to
know which is the most suitable ring
for an engagement-ring. a seal ring is
very good; SO is a bride ring. Some
think the ring of a tolling bell very ap-
propriate.
o. Shaw, Providence.-You say you
ordered suit of clothes from your tail
or, and told him you would pay him
sometime; but he laughed in your face,
and told you that Fstailors didn't trust in
Providence" What did he mean? O.,
Shaw, don't bother me.
Jockey.-Your idea that Dexter must
be very musical horse, because he
cheats time" so much, is erroneous.
Henry asks-"What made Pharaoh
and his host cross the Red Sea? ?" Be-
cause they wanted to get on the other
side.
Thomas, Cambridge, says-'I am sew
enteen years old, and madly in love
with beautiful young lady of eighty
seven, who loves me with all the ardor
of her youthful passion. The marriage
has been broken off twice because her
mother says she is too young. have
been pining away ever since June third,
and have the nightmare every afternoon.
What shall do ?" Keep on pining till
you pine away, and then go into pine
box.
A disappointed Parent says-'My on
ly son is twenty-three years of age, but
sadly deficient in education. 1 have
sent him to the best schools in the land,
but he doesen't know anything, and, in
fact, amt good for anything. What
shall do with him ?" Dress him up
in tall hat, mustache and cane, and
let him stand on the corner of Wash
ington street and stare at respectable
women.
Bachelor.-No. Kissing your neigh
boris wife is not considered illegal ten
der"
Old Settler.-You say that when
Washington was in Boston you drank
glass of beer at his expense. 1t was
probably on Washington's treat then.
Ella asks-stDo you think skating is
healthy?" Yes, know it is, for the
man who keeps the skating-rink told
me SO.
Dyspeptic asks-"Are mince pies
good for dyspepsia 2" Yes, they are
first-rate for dyspepsia, but awful bad
for the man that's got it.
Historicus asks-"How long have
you had horse-cars in Boston?" From
ten to fifteen feet.
***Several tons of letters are standing
over to be answered in our supplement.
True Flag.