Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-10-14
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There is no point a lady likes SO much as
a point of admiration
"A lass, [ am no more,' as the girl said
when she got married.
The cobbler has a sole purpose in his
life.
A shot in the bird is worth two in the
hand.
A witty man can make jest; wise man
can take one.
A bird that always faces the storm The
weathercock.
When is the wind like newspaper? When
it pufs.
A dead reckoning calculating ones fu-
neral expenses.
Why is the world like piano? Because
1t is full Of sharps and fats.
Living from hand to mouth is what wit
calls manual exercise
A pretty girl, like hard sum, is some
thing to sigh for (cipher.)
fyou would ever be remembered by YOUR
friends, place yourself in their debt.
The sting Of bee carries conviction with
IT, 1t makes man bes-leaver at once.
Maids Of Honor-Those who do not tilt
their suitors.
A touching incident always remembered
the first kiss
The person who taxes our ingenuity is
revenue officer
If a mans aim in this world be good, the
chances are that he will miss fire in the
next.
1t is very difficult to keep your own peace
Of mind, if people thrust pieces of theirs
upon you.
Doctors talk about paying their visits,
when at the same time it's their visits that's
paying them.
Hens can hardly be said to mediate an
attack on their owners; yet they frequently
'lay for 'em.'
It takes ten men 8 year to make camels
money enough to buy one
A temperance man wouldn't 60 to camp
meeting because it was held in Martha's
Vineyard.
The fellow who attempted to cloak his
sin, found that he couldn't begin to get a
garment large enough.
- -.,~ eol1ox,r al Po x,h n M VT,
it's working between meals that's killing |
him."
Persons who never acknowledge the right |
of aceigh. - -. Tradesmen who give short
weight.
A dog is counted mad when he won't take
something to drink, and man when he
takes too much.
I came near selling my boots the other
day. said Scuttle to friend. How so?
We'll, I had them half-soled.'
Why does young man only give lady's
hand gentle squeeze? Because honesty
can never give grip like vice.
Three things that never agrse-two cats
two lovers after one young lady.
The hardest thing to hold in this world is
an uuruly tongue. It beats hot smoothing
iron and kicking horse considerably.
Men want women to be angels 'afofe they
mary 'em, do they exclaimed an irate spin
ster. They'd look well along side OF an
gels, wouldn't they? the great ugly brutesp
The gentleman who fired at random did
not hit it; and, in disgust, handed his rifle
over to the youth who aims at immortal
ity'
Two sailors recently fought duel in New
Orleans; one of them was wounded. and
the other killed-one laid up, and the other
laid out.
If you marry that poor girl, you will find
matrimony uphill work. Good said the
lover; I'd rather go up hill than down hill,
by good DEAL
An Iowa paper tells Of smart wife that
helped her husband to raise seventy acres of
wheat. The way she helped him was to
stand in the door and shake broom at him
when ne sat down to rest.
A money hunter being about to marry
fortune, friend asked him how long the
honeymoon would last. Don't tell me of the |
honeymoon he replied; it is the harvest
moon with me-
Dick said certain lawyer to country
man who was considered more fool than
knave, what should you call the two great
est curiosities in the world? Why replied !
Dick, IAN honest lawyer, and a river on
fire.
If [ put money in the savings bank, when
can I get it out again?' asked one Of the
newly-arrived. Och, said his friend, sure
an if ye put in to-day, you can draw it out
again to morrow by giving a fortnight's no.
tice.'
A grammarian's thought-What con-
trast there sometimes is between the adjec-
tive and its adverb. Reflect, for exam pie,
on the wide difference that exists between
man who is constant in love, and tho man
who is constantly in love!
A clergyman being much pressed by a
lady of his acquaintance to preach a sermon
the first Sunday after her marriage, complied
and chose the following passage in the Psalms
as his text: and there shall be abundance
of peace--while the moon endureth
Tie latest thing in fashion to take the
place made vacant by the retirement Of the
Grecian Bend, is the Boston Dip 1t is
simply limp with the north foot A wo-
MN with the Boston Dip acts as though she |