Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1870-06-23
M~TsCELLANEUOs ITEMS.
nAu OF Twain.

THOSE who have their m1l1onS nave q
right to put on aires.
DoN'T 90 to church with o cough, and
disturb the rest Of the congregation.
TIE shallowest streams are generally
the fastest. The same is true of men.
IF sixteen drains make o ounce, how
many will destroy all scruples S-FUA
MISS ADA BowLRs claims that 8 woman
Is perfect, and q man imperfect because he
lost q rib. - aSlk
INSURE your life for the amount your
farm Is mortgaged for, In the Washington
Life.
A PENNSYLVANIA thus forbids poach-
ing: "Enne person treaden on these
here premises for feer of beein shot"
THE Increase of business in the Wash
ington Life in 1857 oyer 1865 was greater
b q any other cash eompany.
WHY use three words when M will ex-
press the same thing& Say Aduoterpsi-
Observation-Disclosures, not "double
clog dancing"
to find out where their heads areH ID neo-
essary to make them squeal and then
Judge by the sound.
FORCE OF HABIr.-A man who always
dog's-eared q page of book in order to
remember q passage, invariably used to
turn down q street 50 as to fix 1t, in his
memory.
ONE of aparty of musical friends, re-
ferring to an exquisite composition, said:
"That song always carries me away when
Iheari it" o"Can any one sing it?" asked
Jerrold. C1 QH
AREPoRTER, in describing a gale of
wind, says: "a white dog, while attempt
ing to weather the gale, was caught with
his mouth open, and turned inside out"
IT is related oil an amateur farmer in
Connecticut, that being told it was time to
"brush his peas" he procured q broom,
and toward night was hard at work wip-
ing the dust off" ~.
ALIrrLE four-year oldboy sat alone on
the piazza, when a new physician came 70
see his sick mother. The doctor naturally
wished to make his acquaintance, andsaid:
allow old are iyou,' my sonf' am not
old lam new" said the boy.
"Ir's a desp'r't thine.el said I'D Joe
Smykers-"a desp'r't thing; that are
young couple, whO'vebeehbiAl andcoo-
in and maxim eyes at one another for a
month, have now gone to the minister and
for a life time
THE WMD.-When Is it like a. certain
fruit ? When it is curFeuta When is il
like muster When it Whistles VIXEN is
it like a baby2 WHEN it is squally. When
like q fruit tree2 When it blows. When
ike B person O66p dIulCIIOu! Wu0u. II
means. When like anewspaperP When
tpuffs.
A Mrs. HANNAH JONES piously raiseds
tablet to b memory of me departed
Jones, who had been q h0sier, the nserip
ton on which, after recording his many
virtues, wound NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
couplet: - =
To go and sing hosannah in the realms above
In the cemetery at Lery the follow
ing epitaph may seen 'Here lieE
Jean Baptiste Fumieres, formerly munich
pal counsellor of the commune. He wa
beloved and respected by all who knew
him. His inconsolable widowg(in eoncer'
with her new hnsbandGhas erected thii
monument to his memory"
IKNow of q little girI in England VIII
loves to pray. But one night she wa
very tired and sleepy, and was gettin,
into her little bed without saying he
prayers. But her told her t.
kneeldewn first to pray. So she toldeC
remember what little Polly said las
night; she's so tired tonight. Amen"
LET a young man at twenty years o
age put twenty dollars atinterest, instead
of expanding it for tobacco. Then at thu
beginning of the next year repeat it, anC
include also the principal and interest o
the preceding year, until he shall hav,
reached the age of seventy. The amour
he would realize would exceed thirty
thousand dollars.
A GENTLEMAN was describing to Doug
las Jerrold the story of his courtship AM
marriage, how his wifethad been brough
up in convent, and was on the point o
taking the veil, when his presence burs
upon her enraptured sight, aud she &C
cepted him as her husband. Jerfold lis
tened to the end and quietly remarked
aSha cimnlU fhnnnht Won hatfor tho-
num-" %
THERE Is to be ageneral reunion of tn
Alumni and Past Cadets Of Norwich Un
versity, at Northfeld, Vt, on 1.-THE 18th an
18th of July next, in accordance with
vote of the association passed. in 1885. A
this occurs during committeeman weel
large gathering Is anticipated, and th
occasion will be one of very great inte
est. The Grafton Is to be delivered by a
eminent soldier of the war, Brigade
General W. b. II. Davis. It is propose
by the association to visit on the 10Th,
m0sse, the old site Of the, University
Norwich, and this Is by no means the lea
attractive part of the programme. goa.
ATRRATIsE on ETIQUErrE-Never e;
soup with q fork. If you want to run ft
office next fall, nominate yourself at ono
vim. Ifyou see Jones at the theatre wit
a young lady, yell out, "Hello, Jone
how is your wffeY" Jones win think
funny. Young ladies, always give pr
cedence to age, and never go to the wasl
tub if your mother. or grandmother Al
present they might consider it disr
spectful. In the dining-room no gentl
man will sit on the table, nor is it polite
get under it until too drunk to sit in
chair.
AT Henry Ward Beecher's church, on
recent Sunday, just as he was about
his text, he discovered that Il
light was insufficient, and asked some OF
in the gallery to open the blinds. DuriI
the delay a brother jumped up and sa.
"that there was a patent fastener for blint
by which the light. could be graded" an
that he had called the attention of the Sc
ton to 1t, and had offered to pay for the In
provement, but that no attention had bee
paid to his suggestion. Mr.. Beecher In
mediately replied "Thank you; / wi
see thatftis attended ia this week, an
will haVethe bill sent to you - whereat Il
congregation laughed at the expense
the generousbrother.
AN atomist of the Hdrvdrd Adooco
submits the following, dDr0p0s of a pls