The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1870-03-16

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Dor Of mino did thusly, and when
l got married I concluded I'd do
like Wise.
But tho plan didn't work in tho
case Of my second wife. No, 1
should think not. I broached tho
subject kindly.
"Matilda," I said, ~ suppose
you arc aware that I an now your
lord and master"
"Not much you ain't," said sho.
"Mrs. Skinner" 1 ropliod, "you
arc foarfully demoralizod. You
nccd reorganizing at once. You
aro cranky" And I brandishcd
my sixty-two cont umbrella wildly
around her.
She took tho umbrella away
from mo, and locked mo up in the
clothcs-prcss.
I am quick to draw an inference,
and tho inference l drew here was,
that 1 was not q success as u rcor.
ganizor Of female women.
After this I changed my tactics.
[ let her havo her own way, and
tho plan worked to q charm from
the worry first. It's tho bcst way
Of managing q wife that I know
of. Of course this is bctwcon you
and mo.
So whom my wifo was bound to
60 off on q bridal tour anyhow, l
cordially asscntcd. "Go, Matilda" "
said I, "and stay rs long rs you
want to; thon if you feel as though
you would like to stay q little
while longer, stay, my dear, stay"
She told mo to stop talking, and
go up stairs and got her red flannel
night-cap, and that bag Of penny
royal for her aunt Abigail.
My wifo is a very smart woman.
She was n Baxter, and tho Baxtors
arc a very smart family indeed.
Her mother, who is going on eigh-
ty, can fry moro slap;jacks now,
than half those primpcd up city
girls, who rattle on tho piano, OF
else walk the street with their fur,
bolows and fixing, pretending to
get mad ifa young chap looks at
'cm pretty hard, but getting mad
in earnest if you don't take any
notice Of them at all.
All girls ain't what they used
to bo when l was young, and tho
fellows arc worse still. When I
wont counting, for instance, I ncv-
or thought Of staying till oftcr ton
o'clock, and only went twice a
week. Now they 60 seven nights
in week, and cry because there
amt eight. They write touching
notes to each other during the
day. "Dcar George, do you lovo
mo as much now as you did at n
quarter past twelve last night
Say you do, dearest and it will
give mo courage to go down stairs
and tackle them cold beans left
over from yesterday"
We'll, well, l suppose they enjoy
themselves, and it amt for lis old
folks, whose hearts have got a lit
tlo calIouscd by long wear, to inter.
fore. Let them get together and
court if they like it, and l think
they do. | was forty-scvcn when
[ courtcd my present wife, but il
seemed just as nico to sit on q lit
tie cricket at her feet, and let her
smooth my hair, rs it did thirty
years ago.
AS I said before, my wifo ls q
very smart woman, but she couldn't 1
be any anything clso, and q Bax-
ter. Sho used to givo lectures on
Woman's Rights, and in ono place
whore she lccturcd, big college
conferred tho tito of l.. l.. d., up
on her. But she wouldn't talsc it.
"No, gentlemen" sho said, "givo it
to tho poor" Sho always was
just so charitable. She gavc my
boys permission to go barefootcd
all wintcr, and insisted upon it 80
much in her kind way, that they
could not rcfusc.
Sho fo;rly dotcs on my children,
and Two scen hcr many timo 90
to their trowsors pocket and talso
out thoir pennies after thoy'd got
to slocp, and put them in her bu.
roau draw for fear they might lose
thcm, * x x