Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1870-09-24
HUMORS OF THE DAY.
knotS-Lovers ties.

Sllp klOtS-LONCfs tles'
The original bow-the elbow,
When is coffee real estate? When
it is ground.
A Very Severe Soldier--Corporal
Punishment.
When does the letter 5 become jol-
ly? When it makes sport Of port.
Raining pitchforks is bad, but "hail-
ing omnibuses is worse, says an old
joker.
Somebody says that the cream up
on milk is the only article that has not
risen of late.
The man who popped the question
by starlight got his sweetheart's con-
sent in a twinkling,
A young lady about to be married
says she will not promiseto love, hon
or and be gay,
"Parents,' said a solemn lecturer
you have cbildlcn or, if YOU have
not, your daughters may have
Three Railroad Gauges--Traius are
made for the broad gu1ge, The mar
row guage, and the luggage.
A domestic suggestioH,-When the
butler m9rries the heuseheepcr, may
he be said to lead her 10 the mental
alter;
"Who was Dayid's grandmother:
asked a clergyman Of O Sunday-scbool
scholar. A woman, sir wa, the
reply.
Itisarcmarka1'e fact tha, howcy.
cr well Young ladies may be versed
in grammar, very few arc enabled to
decline matrimouv.
Why i the letter G 4 gloomy and
di, iulanted vowel Because. though
never out Of health and pocket, it
never appears in spirits.
What a pity you are no. a mir
ror,' said q fop 10 a young lady.
Why 50, asked lie b!ushIu- girl.
Becar Sc you would be such q good
looking lass.
An observer says hat children are
not 50 well behaved -uce the mother.
have taken TO wearing high buttoHed
boots.
Improving the Opportunity.-"I
am afraid you shall come to want
said an old lady 10 a you1g gentle.
man. Il have come to want already,
was the reply, Il want your daugh-
ter
\ Young professor OF one OF the
colleges married a lady twenty year,
his senior. This was said, By a witty
friend, to be a proof Of his ambition,
as he appeared DESTROYS Of studying
the ancicnts.'
A good deal olthe consolation offer
ed in the world +, about as s~olacing
as the assurance u the man to his
wife when she f into the river
"Youll find grou" at the bottom, my
dear"
A barristcr, blind Of one eye, plead.
ing with his spcctaclcs on, said
Gentlemen, in my argument | shall
use nothing but what is necessary
"Then," whispered a wag, " take one
of the glasses out of your spectacles.
Theodore Hook once saw an exceed
ingly pompous man walking in {
street in London, whom he immcdi
atcly accosted thus: "Sir, may | in
Quirc if you are anybody in partic
ular?" lie then walked of withou
waiting for a reply.
A gentleman praising the persona
charms of a very plain woman in tn.
presence of FOOtc, tic latter said
cana why don't you lay claim t.
such an accomplished beauty ?
, "What right have | TO herr" exclaim
ed the gentleman. every right, b,
the law of nations" replied Foote
"Gyery right, as the first discovCrcr.
"At Home" yet not at IIomc.-i
friend OF mine in Portland Place la
n wife who innicts upon him ever
season two or three immense evcnin.
parties. AT one of those parties h
was standing in 4 very forlorn cOndi
= ton, leaning against the chimney
, piece, when a gentleman, coming n
: to him, said, "Sir, as neither of Ts
+ acquainted with any of the pcoDl
t here, | think we had better 60 home.
"Dcy say down in Georgia dc,
makes poor nigga work twcntv-fy
hours ebbcry day. Now, looSe hes
Use been told dat dey hadn't got II,
'. more nor twcnty-four hours, an
want you, Mr.. Jonsing, to 'splanif
: how dey make 'em work twcnty-riy
hours" "Golly, what ignoramus
nigga you is, Scipio! Why, wa
n down dere dey make poor nigga 70
=, up an hour fore day-dOcsn't On
. : make EN- twenty-five 2"
ir A Good ltecommendation-WLe
Captain Gross, who was very fat. fir,
went over 10 ireland, he one eyeuin
strollcd into the principal meat maj
y kct of Dublin, where the butchers. 4
usual, set up their touting cry {
What dye buy 2" GrcFe barrie
y, u this for senlc time by saying he Al
~ not want anything. Al last n butch,
y. started from MS stall, ana avail,
Grose's figure, exclaimed. 0Oniv y
Vi you BUY. your meat ofme, sir. and vc
Will make my fortuneP