Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1870-02-03
AN ILLINOIS INVALID.


Increase our iovs &c.
AN ILLINOIS INVALID.
From the Boston Adverdserl
81 tell you, sir, that truth is stranger
than fiction"
'.Yes?" said I. with studied effort to
play the agreeable to the new comer
We were sitting at plain but we'll spread
table in the kitchen of a western farm house.
Everything vas on generous scale, frou'
the rolling prairie with its billowy reaches,
down to the hay stacks and the big wood
spile near the door Within the house the
same ample greeting was prominent. /
had spent the day since the December SUM-
rise in hunting up section corners and -
Il blisbing boundary lines for nv host, We
had all of US worked hard. and the measure
ments bad proven remarkably correct, Tor
the chain slipped smoothly along on the
frozen snow. the great Lillycache sloo,
In whose centre was bottomless mire, was
nicely crusted over. and the rank grass in-
terwoyen with the cemads the crossing
safe So We had passed ever where many
horse had been smothered in the mud
while ventuing TO ford the sluggish pool,
Tins we had escaped a roundabout path
and had realized the privilege over which
every truc wesierner exnlts, viz that of
making bea-line between any two points
Hence We we've In excellent spirit as we
sat down to TIE smoking hot supp r. Mr.
FelderkiI. with his two boys waited for no
ceremony and / followed their example in
bunting ny keen appetite with savory
morsels- Two bGxom daughters were bust
hing around the kitchen and Tepleiiishing
the tabie, while their vigorous mother, with
h.. l. l. r
was watching with care. lest We should for
mement See the bottom Of cup or plate.
We had nearly eaten our way through to
victory, ana some OF Us had pushed back
to rest on our laGrels and to ogle the dam
stls, when the door opened, and in STEP
ped a man of medium sta ure, rosy cheeks.
long reddish hair, Intelligent face, and
about forty-ive years of age.
"How are you, Davids' said our host,
and turning to me, exclaimed IN his hearty
tones '-Straneer, tins are Mr.. Spencer the
siekest man that God ever made. Nov,
Dave. tell tsis Yankee some of your great
moral truths"
Thus introduced aud challenged, Spen
Ger gazed solemn y into my face, and, see
ing expectation the re depicted, he uttered
the original phrase with which this sketch
begins- Ibad been so often quizzed, AS
youth from New England, tsat Ihardly knew
what TO expect, and therefore waited for
Spencer 10 proceed
At this stage, Mrs. F., in the kindness
OF her heart poured out bowl of milk and
offered it to the new conner. He tooA 1t in
silence, iwaiiowed il, almost at q SIM le
gulp, set dosn the crockery with a slam,
ana, sinking into a chair, appeared to be
griped with "a terrible pain. perhaps Won
would rather have had water" said the
hostess timidly well. marm. drinking
milk is about ike taking pills to me, butts
it's no cs'n equence Low it's down, replied
the gloomy man
Thinking to relieve the good lady's con-
fusion, 1~asked Mr. Spencer if he had re-
cen ly been al. Had my query been a pa
tent corkscre and Mr. Spencer a bottle
OF restless champagne, the explosion could
not have been more Immediate. s.Ill slrl
ILL that little word is too short, sir. Ill!
you see nothing, sir, but nv remainsi /
have been David Spencer. Nor. sir may
say. without intending disrespect to my
wife. / am tie relic Of the late D. s. Let
me give sou, stranger, IN few words, q
sketch OF N troubles
My lungs are badly cut uI. One of
them Is clear gone collapsed, she doctor
says -shriveled up Ike blacksmi.h's ap-
ron- The other one looks better, but doesn't
amount to much. Have often bIed Quart
at once, and thought il not worth mention
ing. / take long breath now and then,
and have an awful time, bloating up like q
toad
But that isnt the worst. Ny liver
plaques me with an odd trick 1t turns it
self inside out and vanders over my sys-
TEN. suppose, stranger, that The great
er part of my liver is inside Of those boots, -
thrustiDg out his two cowhides from under
the table. .rs
But have another curious disease
Some of the doctors say it's paralysis, but
one medicine man calls il intermittent lock
jaw, and 1 reckon he's right. 1t just grabs
me and shuts me rigGt up all over. Can't
stir muscle; teeth all locked ogether ike
rat-trap: can't talk or wink my left eye
All my conversation is done with my right
eye, and tell you, stranger, il gets power.
fully tired. The ft often lasts two or three
weeks, and it takes away all my appetite,
for have 10 be fed with a squirt-gun just
behind my eye TOOTH
''You look as If you wanted to laugh,
Mister, but them as takes care OF me in
those SPELLS, don't laugh much i tell you.
They don't reckon that make it any joke
for them,
But wouldn't mind these things il it
wasn't for the slipping of my spinal chord
II never gives Inc any warning, out the FIRST
know it gives wa, and pitches me right
over head first into whatever lies In front
Now, one day last spring. just as was get
ting over the lock jaw, 1 rode out on the
prairie across by the Sloo, and saw big
stone in the road. and got out to rush il
over. Then went to the Slooto wash NV
hands. As bent forward my shaky old
spine let right &c. and / dove Head first into
the mud. and there / stuck, head under
and feet thrashing on the bank. had to
stay there tsli one Of my men, passing by,
took rue be the heel and pulled me ouf:'
"Eow long should you think you were
under water. Mr. Spencer asked one of
the Felderkin boys -
Really, couldn't say exactly. as
couldn't readily get at my watch, bat il vas
nigh on 10 half an hour and will confess.
gentlemen. that never was so hard put to
It for breath in my life. :"
But Mr. Spencer. don't you take anv
medicine tor your troubles9
'Medieinel Oh, yes! Why, sir, I've
taken in. cne dose . hunk of blue pill as big
as Q baby's fist, and I've swalleweda whole
apothecsry's shop except the bottles and
corks- And tried hydropathy, went to .
Chicago 1ocsor and got prescription for
boiling water so it wouldn't scaid me; Alled