Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-08-19

EEgzna0r.
Ground Earthquakes.
Sharp Notwithstanding teeth.
Universal music-A bank note.
For wedding song-Love knot.
The topcr's cuticle-A whisky skin.
Prevalent journalistic complaint-Rum-
or-tism.
A transaction (trance ;,ction)-Walking
in sleep.
What is the best thing to do in a hurry?
Nothing .fe6a-.l.... 4.
A compositor takes most e's when he is
at his work. 500" +-'..,'
High Masonry-A brioklaycr on five
story building. ...-
The prettier the loot and ankle the easier
it gets up stares. -..
Pleasure-A CLEAN Of sunshine passing
soon away
Love-A morning beam whose memory
gilds the day.
Why can't the cook eat her apron? Be-
cause it goes against her stomach.
Among the novelties advertised in the pa
pers are single and married bedstesds
Caution to thoss who attend balls. Never
finish the evening with a reel.
i sec you're on the watch as the thief
said to the guard chain.
A French BARRIERS sign board reads, To
morrow the public will De shaved gratuit
ously.'
A lad crawled into a sugar hogshead, IA nd
bis first exclamation was "Oh, for thous-
and tongues
Abiding to chignons, Mrs Clever said
"A girl now seems all head Yes, till you
talk to her. growled the old man.
How would you express in one word hay
ing met doctor Of medicine? Meta physl
clan.
Folly-To think you can make pork out
III pig llOA, VI lndV w CNu bSSoAAS oAAoS
maker by drinking sherry cobblers.
Scandal, like kite to fly we'll, depends
greatly on the length Of the tail it has to
carry.
Why does the minister have more wives
than any one else? Because he often mar
ries couple at a time.
People who are always fishing for com
pliments do not need very long lines. They
will get the best bites in shallow water
It may be said Of too many of our public
men that they are last in war, last in peace,
but first in the pockets of their countrymen.
A little boy embodied his thoughts on the
ology in words thus Il don't see how the
devil came to turn out so when there was no
other devil to pnt him up to it,
A certain landlady. it is said, makes her
pies so light that her dodgers can see to 60
to bed without candle after eating mod
crate size piece.
In hoosier court, witness being asked
how he knew certain persons were man and
and wife, replied why, dog on it, haven't
l heard them scold each other fifty times ?
There is man in Yorkshire who has a
mile of children. His name is Furlong and
he has four boys and four girls. Eight fur
longs make one mile.
They have dime society incorporated in
Jackson, Miss The Memphis Appeal says:
IF it's to pay for the drinks Of the members
Of the concern, it will soon burst
A very sharp chap thinks that Columbus
is not entitled to much credit for discovering
America, as the country is so large be could
not we'll have missed it.
Wondered-Mr, Jones, having read in
the papers an advertisement. Houses to let
everything furnished wondered if the
owner would furnish money to pay the rent.
The fellow who Was told that the best
cure for palpitation of tho heart was to stop
hugging and kissing the girls, said: If that
is the only remedy which can be proposed,
! say. letter palpitate.'
Man. sayg the anatomist, changes en-
tirely every seven years Therefore, says
Jones, my tailor should not ask me for the
bill contracted 10 1862. I am not the same
person; hence owe him nothing
An auetionecr said Of gentleman who
had bought tabie, but never came to take
it way, that he was one of the most I'M
comfortable persons he eyer knew in the
whole course of his life.
How heavy you walk !! exclaimed Mrs. !
Mackwack, or hearing her husband tumb-
ling upstairs the other night. Well, nv
dear if you can get barrel of whisky up
stairs with any less noies, [ should like to see
you do it,
A good natured traveller fell asleep in |
train short time ago, and was carried a
few miles beyond his destination. "A pretty
good joke, isn't it ? said be to fellow pas
senger Yes, little too far fetched was
the rejoipder.
My dear Lucy, am surprised at your
taste IN wearing another womans hair on
your head said Smith to bis wife. MY
dear Tom,' replied the wife, L am equally
"n'oiisaeu that you persist IN wearing an |
other sleeps wool on your back
Two friends were dining together, one of
whom remarked; AS am going abroad, |
have bequeathed to you my whole stock of
impudence.' The other replied; You are
geneDerous. you have bequeathed to me by
far the largest portion of your estate.
A traveller, being at coffee house with
some gentlemen, was largely drawing on the
of the company. Where did you
say all these wonders happened, sir?' asked
a gentleman present. I can't exactly say
replied the traveller; but somewhere in Eu-
.ane-Rass1a I think sh auld ratbar