South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1870-08-26
WIT AND HUMOR.


hearing, the other day. ut is where the
Lord says, IF man strikes thee on one
cheek, turn to him the other also 1t is the
word 'strike'-1 would have it kiss
E1Tom, twitting Sam on the extraor-
binary size of his understandings, said to
him You must take cold easily, Sam; /
should think you would be sick all the
time 'How SOP asked Sam. why
replied Tom, because there's so much of
you on the ground
CRARMINGLY ORIGINAL.-One of the
charmingly original lady lecturers on Wo-
mems Rights, recently declared in one of
her lectures, with much emphasis, that she
demanded for her sex equal cquipotency
with the men. This is Sumner
BE5- During the trial Of case in Louis
vile recently, a witness persisted in testi-
flying TO what his wife told him. To this
of course the attorneys objected, and it was
ruled out by the judge. He would pro-
coed again to tell 'sbust how it vas when
the attorney would sing out, How do you
know thatY 'My wife told me- was the
answer. This was repeated several times.
Presently the judge becoming unable to
contain himself longer, interrupted Sup
pose your wife were to tell you the heavens
had fallen, what would you think p We'll,
den | drinks dey vas down.
EJ Crolillon the yc niger once said that
really fine woman never reached her full
loneliness until she was at least thirty
There is encouragement for women to tell
the truth about their age.
Madam, the lawyer demardcd,-
what sort of conduct have you pursued
through life tina. should subject you to sus-
picion of this outrage upon the plaintiff?
She answered 1mpudencc, which has been
the making Of you, has caused my ruin ?
Es'A census-man in Sullivan county,
Pennsylvania, came to the house Of Hiram
Wilson. lie was not at home, but his wife
was. She isno as bright as women gene.
rally, and in course of his inquiries be ask.
cd her age, to which she replied
Il was twenty-six years old when was
married. Was married two years when
Bill was born. Bill was four years old
when Ann was born Ann was ten years
old when Charley was born. Now you tell
rne how old l am
EE-A young lady being asked by a rich
bachelor, IF not yourself, who would you
rather be p replied swcetly and modestly,
Yours, truly
E1- At a tea party in Washington, where
Gen. BUTLER lately was guest, the hos
tess, glancing over the table, perceived his
cup unfinished with an important imple-
ment, of which he was supposed to apprc-
ciatc the value. why, General Butler p
she exclaimed in little womanly futter of
CONSERVATION, haven't you a spoon Z? mo,
indeed, madame " quickly responded the
General, springing from his seat with well
acted carnestnoss, aud slappiug his pockets,
one after the other, upon my word, mad.
anle, if you don't believe me, madame, you
may search mov The applause which
greeted this spontaneous sally may be more
easily imagined than described
E5-A pair of precious little darnscls at
Troy, New York, were overheard the other
night, on the sidewalk, exchanging notes
on the Franco Prussian war q know
said No. /, that France will beat, because
the little Prince is with him 'Go away
with you, chimcd in No ?, 4 know a
mighty sight better The Dutch will whip;
for my pa is Frcuchman and my ma is a
Duichman. They fight every night, and
ma always licks'
R5-Tho Susquehanna railroad has been
discharging lot Of conductors because they
stole over threo.fourths Of the receipts 49,
One would suppose conductors would learn
after awhile that no well regulated road al
lows their conductors to keep over half they
take in. But some people can't bear pros
pority.
GEA young man in Randall county,
Indiana, was wayaid by two girls and
thrashcd until be got down en- his knees
and sworo he never would DO it again. lie
had promised to marry both Of them, the
villain Served him right
EJ-Tbo girl Of the period in hrlau-
sas is described as thirteen years old, shoe
Jess bonnotlcss, -tockingIcss, and with the
sheriff after her for stealing horse
RTJef, why arc you like the Cedar " q