The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-02-15
H U M 0 RoUS IT E MS

Reay~ An irreverent rascal publishes the
following atrocious conundrum
"What is the difference between "a
maiden Of sixteen and one of sixty ?"
One is hdPPy and careless, while the
other is cdPPy and hairless"
RE5~ An will yo afther telling what
kind of basto ye call this, said newly
arrived lrishman, holding up wasp be-
tween his thumb and finger
"Och, murder. Spako quick, for he's
biting me-"
Beg A village pedagogue, in despair
with stupid boy, pointed at the letter A,
and asked him if he knew it.
Yes, sir"
Well, what is is?"
L knows him well by sight, but some
how | can't remember his name.
Ds25~ An lrishman travelling in a street
we'll paved, was startled by dog with
threatening growl. The traveller at
tempted to pull up one of the paving
stones to throw at him, but it was fast.
Arrah," said Paddy, "what fine
country is this, where the stones are tied
and dogs let loose.
BSl5" Everything has its ludicrous point
of view, and funny events occur even on
such drdCe occasions as funerals. A cer-
tain Blue Beard Of this latitude. over 4
come by his sensibilities, tainted at the +
grave Of his fourth spouse
What shall we do with him ?" asked
perplexed friend of his.
" Let him alone" cried waggish by
stander, " he'll soon re-actUe w
HG5~ A Lafayette minstrel, riding
pumpkin colored sorrol, perpetrated a
heavy sell on a toll-keeper in Lafayette,
last week He rode up unobserved and
quickly turning his horse about, opposite
to the direction which he wanted to 90,
called to the toll-keeper who by this time
had come out
How much to -"
"Twenty cents" answered the toll
keeper.
Too high" responded the solitary
horseman. Can't pay it. Guess I'll go
back"
He turned his horse around and pro-
ceeded in precisely the direction he want
ed to go-the toll keeper never dreaming
Of the SELL
Rsl5@ PATRICK AND THE PRlEsT.-Pat-
rick, the widow Maloney tells that you
have stolen one of her finest pigs. Is
that correct or not 2"
Yes, yer honor"
"What have you done with it?"
"Killed it and ate it yer honor"
"Oh, Patrick ! Patrick when you are
face to face with the widow and pig on
judgement day, what account will you be
able to give Of yourself, when the widow
accuses you Of stealing?"
Did you say the pig wonld be there,
your reverence %
"To be sure did w
"Well yer riverence, I'll say Mrs Ma
loney, there's yer pig"
BG~ We keep a Biddy-not hen, but
one Of Erin's fair daughters = who at
tends to things about the house. 1t was
Dluuy thursday OUT, ana sne Sald she
was going to "spind" the day with her
sick Pat.
"Sick ?" said I. "What's the matter
with him ?"
"Sure an 1 dunno. He has a pain
fornist his chist."
I handed her a box of liver-pills. Then
said l:
Bridget, take these and give him
dose of four to six, and guess he'll feel
better"
And Biddy departed.
l had just got home to my six o'clock
dinner, and had got one chew of corned
beef down, when there came knock at
the basement door that shook the crock
cry in the closet. opened the door.
and there stood Bridget, the water squirt
ing down her cheeks
"Och, Mr.. BLY,, she said "be the NTH
er of Moses, but Pat is bad Will ye be
afther comm to see him? And it's the
morbus he has, sure"
Bridget" said /, "did you give him