Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1870-04-16
Mr.. Anderson,s Column.
Conductors.


tience, worn thread bare in the passenger, will
endure only very little strain. They have
il in their power to render invaluable service
to worried and jaded humanity, or TO render
life very burden
The mass of travelling manhood and woman
hood is unused To travel, and the hurry and
skurry of Il railroad train knocks their ideas
into what we printers call "pi" People come
on board train, hurried, worried furricd and
generally not a little alarmed and all tie
agitation has to be pent up, while the mystery
of hurry still goes on about them They don't
know what is TO Gc done mex, t,-and are dying
to ask.
Such people are at the mercy of anybody.
They have no judgment THAT was all hur-
ried out Of them by the ringing of the engine.
bell, or the shrieking of the engine whistle.
There is only one responsible person who is
supposed to have any judgment and that is
the Conductor, to whom all this confusion is
second nature. He knows just what is to be
done next He knows what stations are
near at hand, and at what the train is TO
stop, and he is within the veil Of the telegraph.
Ii is, to him, daylight.
So to him the agonzcd, frightened, half
demented passenger comes with questions.
Sometimes the passenger is an old lady who
has had many years experience in questioning
about matters that she don't see into. and she
would die if she didn't ask questions She
asks them of the brakeman, of the ncws-boy,
of other passengers and when she can't ask
anybody else, she asks herself. Every look of
her eyes is an Interrogation point. Every once
in minute or two she says Il wonder. 1T is
the birththroe of question.
Conductors have to stand this-to get rsed
to it. Some of them do ;-some don't. The
admirable conductor is the one who does.
But there are some people who have got
used TO travel who can look on in a quiet
state of mind, and obserre. To such, there is
no study more entertaining on the cars than is
offered by the conductors themselves.
There is your consequential conductor. He
knows about the train and he knows he does.
wave of his hand can start il and when he
waves it, he does it for an effect He is a pur-
sy chap, mot necessarily as TO ocket) and the
shadowed dignity of his face would make Ju-
Illus Caesar expire with envy.
There is your sour Grabbed conductor. lie
runs his train independently of any passenger
or of any passengers comfort. II any old Ia
dy asks him question she will get rctort
that will make her surprised eyes blink behind
her spectacles for an hour, while her dear old
astonished heart palptates in wonderment
that she can haye made that man so angry.
There is your real gentleman. lie can stand
whole battery of questions dodge some an
swer some and yet leave all with - refresh
ing sense of having come in contact with re-
fined and manly mind.
The first Of these one loves to see taken
down, sometimes The last of them "a whole
train load of passengers would rise in defense
of
Irecolcct years ago, riding on one of the
New York roads with gentleman who was
an eminent magician, (prestidigitator and ven
triloquisO and all at once he said to me:
"See, that little snipe of conductor has ta-
ken the tickets from those two poor women,
and has given them no check I've seen that
done before"
Several of us saw him do the thing, and all
were ready enough to see; for he had render
ed himself most offensive by his overbearing
manner toward the passengers. lie was a lit
tie bantam of a man, and his sense of dignity
was in inverse ratio TO his size His frillcd
shirt was thing by ITSELF and the fling of his
hand as he took up tickets, made California
diamond sparkle like the eye of goldfish
| BY and by, he demanded the checks of the
poor women, and as they had none, told them
to get off at the next station. My slight-of-
hand friend eXpostulated, but the conductor
said, with fearful frown. imagine it in a tit
man, 81 want no interference, / know my
| business ~
| At the next station my friend said TO the
women, Don't get off" To the passengers he
said, "See that they stay on"
| We had ten minutes, for refreshments, and
just before the train started my friend camc,-
from run OFF somewhere out of breath, and
| warm, but taciturn
| BY and by the bantam conductor came in,
and seeing the women still there, said, FUN
ing, and in a voice that was a pocket edition
of thunder,
Didn't tell you to get off at the last sta
ton? ?"
"They had tickets" said my friend. "a
good many of us saw you take them, and
know where they were to-"
"lIold your tongue sir!" thundered the little
conductor, with the thunder of six-pound
brass howitzer, c.jackass gun,") Il know my
business p
SIS part of II to wear this in your neck tie ?"
said my friend as he pulled dirty, long car
rot out of the cravat of the conductor letting
the dirt fall on the shlrtfrls "Do you carry
these into the cars ?"-(he pulled potato out
of the conductors ear) "And these Y'-to
our utter amaZement he took tunip, top and
all, out of his victims coat collar behind and
as the conductor turned to gOamid the shrieks
of laughter that filled the car, my friend seized
little bit of ribbon that came from the re-
treating coat tail, and it unwound, till II broke
of in our magician's hands, just as the con-
ductor reached the door
Then to hear the popping of champaign
corks, the barking of dogs, and the mewng of
cats ALI sorts of noises by which our eccen-
trio friend let off his merry taught He was
the hero of the car.
noticed that a different conductor a(,er-
| wards took up the tickets and he had n funny,