Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-11-03
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

An INN-vocATIoN-Tendi bar.
A BAD DEBT-The owing Of grudge.
MANY men are worth nothing, and some
are worthless.
"WAsCHING DUN HEAR is the way a
Chicago laundry has it.
WHEN riding donkey, what kind of
fruit do you represent A pear.
DOES a mosquito draw his bill at sight
when he draws il in the dark.
ONE Of the few things that may as well
be run into the ground-a pillow share.
MOTHER" said drty-legged youth
who was washing his feet, II have just got
down to stocking
IT is nearly as impossible to get money
out of miser as il would be for butcher
to get lamb-chops out Of a battering ram
WHY is young lawyer like the national
currency Because nc is legal tender and
somewhat green.
A LOCAL editor of paper having re-
Gently got married, contemporary says:
May his father-in-law die rich, and ena-
BILE poor Stephens to retire from the print
ing business and set up cake shop at some
railway station"
SIDNEY SMITH says regarding the un-
necessary consumption of food; Accord
ing to my computation, i have eaten and
drunk, between my tenth and SEVENTEEN
years, forty four wagon loads more than was
good for me"
LADY--"Four of those chairs which |
so lately purchased of you are broken
Upholsterer--" Indeed, madame The on
ly way that can account for that is that
some one must have been sitting on them. y
THEODORE Hook once saw an exceed
ingly pompous man walking in street in
London whom he Immediately accosted
thus: Sir, may inquire if you are any
body in particular y He then walked off
without waiting for reply.
MRS. PARTINGToN wants to know If il
were not intended that woman should
drive their husbands, why are they put
through the bridal ceremony? There seems
to he something plausible in the suppo-
sition, for nearly all the ladies are providing
themselves with switches.
COw-TREE Is the name given by Hum
boldt to tree upon the mountains OF
Venezuela, and which, being bored, gives
forth a supply of white nourishing liquid
like milk 1t Is at sunrise that this vege-
table fountain flows most freely.
PROFESSOR CHANDLER the Chemist to
the New York Boardlof Health has made
an ANALYSIS of the milk sold in that city,
and comes To the conclusion that 0,0O0, 900
quarts of water are annually used To adtiS
terate the milk of the New Workers, which,
at 10 cents per quart, gives $4,0OO,OOO an
nually, or $12 900 per day,
AT the annual meeting Of the Boston
Soldiers Fund Association, held few
days since, the Treasurer report showed
that during the past year x67S1 had been
disbursed TO soldiers families. The fund
now amounts to x2S,617.2S, and since the
organization Of the association, in 1852,
about 1000 applications for aid, amounting
to $40, 100, have been granted.
A CHILD while walking through an art
gallery with her mother, was attracted by
a statue Of Minerva who is THAT said
she. My child. that is Minerva, the god
dess Of wisdom" why didn't they make
her husband toog' Because she had
none, my child" "That was because she
was wise, wasn't it, mamma." was the art
less reply.
GAIL HAMILTON said recently tina. hoop
skirts were the one thing on earth for
which there is no secondary use. This,
the Boston Port now says, is mistake.
lie adds: " Passing by in the cars a thrifty
looking farm house near Lancaster, a few
days ago, we saw two Of these things
properly suspended and ballasted, under
which were hived IA fine lot Of young tur-
keys"
AT French fair recently in San Fran
cisco, for the benefit Of the wounded
French soldiers, a bottle of cordial which
was dealt out in tiny gold cup realized
81 $50: one thousand bottles of brandy
sold at $40 per bottle; and matron who
attended the fair with box Of snuff in
half hours time sold the snuff by the
pinch for $500.
HALL, queer genius, had made frequent
promises to his friends that he would put an
end to himself. One singing cold night he
vowed he would go out and freeze to death.
About seven O'Clock he returned shivering
and swapping his fingers. Why don't
you freezer" asked a loving relative. by
Jove!" said the pseudo suicide, when !
freeze mean to take warmer night than
this for it."
HERE is verbatim copy Of paper
posted on the walls Of the Exchange at
Bristol: ITO merchants, traders, and nth
ers. A young man. about thirty years Of
age, who understands the barker bisness
and husbandry, would be glad to go to
A merry ka or any outlandish place As over
seer and like Of that Enquire o the
Change keeper. n b. has no objetshun
TO GO TO Botiomley Bay rs Skool Macs
ter, on condition his life can be inshured TO
the wild Savvages"
THE Lafayette, Ind, Cosrier says: "A
laughable incident occurred last night dur
ing the play Of The Lady Of Lyons In
the scene where Beauseant attempts TO
offer personal injury TO Pauline, Claude
rushes in, and In the scuffie to rescue her,
received blow on the nose, which caused
the blood to flow freely. While he who
impersonated Claude Melnotte perfectly
was bleeding profusely. Pauline. in the