Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1870-04-07
A Mysterious visit.
BY MARK TWAIN.

Revenue Department. [ said had
never heard of his branch of business
before, but was very glad to see him,
all the same, would he sit downs lie
sat down. did not know anything par.
ticular TO say, and yet | felt that people
who have arrived at the dignity of keep
ing house must be conversational, must
be easy and sociable in company. So in
default of anything else 10 say, | asked
him if he was opening his shop in our
neighborhood.
He said he was. did not wish
10 appear ignorant, but | had hoped
he would mention what be had for SALE
/ ventured to ask him how was
trade e. and he said $50 So"
| then SAID We would drop in, and if
We liked his house as well rs any other,
we would give him our custom.
He said lie thought we would like his
establishment well enough to confine our
selves TO it-said he never saw any body
who would go off and hunt up another
man in his line after trading with him
once.
That sounded pretty compliment. but
barring that natural expression of villainy
which we all have, the man looked hon.
est enough.
| do not know how it came about, ex
actly, but gradually we appeared to melt
down and run together, conversationaIly
speaking, and then everything went along
as comfortably as clockwork.
We talked, and talked, and talked-a:
least did. And we laughed, and laugh.
ed. and laughed-at least he did. But
all the time, had my presence of mind
about mel had my native shrewdness
turned on, Z" full head" as the engineers
bay. | was determined to find out all
about his business, in spite of bis obscure
answers-and was determined | would
have it out OF him without bis suspectine
what | was at. | meant TO trap him
with deep, deep Iuse. would tell him
all about my own business aud he wou!d!
naturally so warm to me during this Sc.
ductive burst of confidence that he would
forget himself AMI tell me all about has
affairs before he suspected what 1 was
about. thought to myself. My son,
youlittle know what an old fox you ere
dealing with. l said:
snow you never would guess what
made lecturng, this winter and last
springp
"No-don't believe I could, to save
me. Let me ses-let me see. About
two thousand dollars maybe! But no
no. sir, l know you couldn't have made
that much, say seventeen hundred,
may bel"
Ha-ha! l knew you couldn't. My
lecturing receipts for last spring aud this
winter were fourteen thousand, seven
hundred and fifty dollars-what do you
think of that?"
why it is amazing-perfectly amaz
ing. l will! make note Of it. And you
saw even that wasn't all q
"AIlp Why bless you there was m y
income from the Buffalo Express for four
ahout-about-well, what should
you say to about eight thousand dollars,
for instancel"
"Say! Why | should say I should
like very much to see myself rolling iu
Just such another ocean of affluence -
Eight thousand! I'll make a note of it.
Why, man! and on top of all this am
to understand that you had still more in
Gomez
Ha.ha ha! Why, you're only in
the suburbs of it, so to speak. There's
my book. "The Innocents Abroad =
price 81. so to $500, according to the
binding. Listen to me. Look me in
the eye. During the last four months
and half, saying nothing of sales be
fore tbat-but just simply during the
four months and half ending March
Is, 1870. we've sold ninety five thou
sand copies of that book Ninety five
thousand! Think of it. Average four
dollars copy, say. It's nearly four hun.
dred thousand dollars, my son. / get
balfw
"The suffering Mosesl III set that
down. Fourteen seven fifty-eight-two
hundred. Total, say-well, upon my
word, the grand total is about two hun.
dred and thirteen or fourteen thousand
dollars. Is that 2ossibep
Possible! If there's any mistake
it's the other WAY. Two hundred and
fourteen thousand cash, is my income for
this year if I know how to cipher"
Then the gentleman got up to 90. 1t
came over me most uncomfortably that
maybe / had made my revelations for
nothing, besides being flatterod into
stretching them considerably by the
strangers astonished EXPLANATIONS. But
no; at the last moment the gentleman
handed me large envelope and said it
contained his advertisement, and that
would find out all about his business in
it; and that he would be happy TO have
my custom--would in fact be proud to
have my custom-would in fact be proud
to have the custom of man of such
prodig;ous income: and that he used to
think there were several wealthy men in
Buffalo. but when they come to trade
with him be discovered that they barely
had enough TO live on; aud that in truth
it had been such weary, weary age
since he bad seen a rich man face to
face, and talked with him. and touched
him with dis hands, that he could scarce
ly refrain from embracing me-in fact.
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