The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1870-04-02
CHRoNICLEs--Chapter 1,

the city OF Albany how the people
/ loved them. How they communed to-
gether. What they wrote upon parch-
ment. How fear came over them.
How they became fearfully and won
derfully mad. How they chose rulers.
How they dispersed. How the people
rejo:ced because they were gone.
And it came to pass in the beginning
of the second year of the reign of Ulys-
ses, that there assembled in certain
city called Albany, certain of an unterri-
fed and unwashed tribe called Democrats,
that they might hold sweet communion,
and choose from among their number
those who shall hold the loaves and fishes.
How the musicians of the city on the
morning Of the day made a loud noise,
as of sounding brass and tinkling GYM
balls, as though their hearts were glad,
though verify they had been bribed by
pieces of silver. Yet the people of the
city were filed with love for the unterri-
fed. Yea, verify, one Robert the Irvine,
who was Sheriff of the land, so loved one
Turk, who had been sent hither from
afar, that he put chains about him and
put him away into dark place. And
the people reasoned among themselves
saying, verify, verify, the rest should be
made go with him.
And it further came to pass that when
they had met they chose one Curry to be
High Priest, and one Lane to make rec
ord of the acts of the unwashed.
And after each one had risen up and
talked little and showed himself and
sunk back again amidst the multitude,
then the High Priest chose one from
,oortson % hn land 70 70
upon parchment the reasons of the
faith that was within them. And
while they were writing the unter-
terrified departed into place called Ras-
CONS, where they made merry over wine
and strong drink. And when they were
full they returned. And 10, one Near
land, arose and read from off the parch-
ment what had been written. And when
he had read portion he would stop and
the multitude would beat upon the floor
with the leather which covereth their
feet, for they were glad that he was done.
And some would cry aloud, for they
had no leather upon their feet. And he
read off of the parchment that the tribe
had been good and faithful, and of the
sinfulness of the Radicals. Yet verify
the people would not have Known it had
not the parchment told them.
And he Furthermore read how the
Democrats feared the Ethiopian and
the Aborigine, and the man from
China. Yea, verify, they were sore
afraid that they could be no better
than were these manner of men. And
he read 13 portions. And when he was
done reading, 10 and behold one JASPER
who was Johns son, arose and spake
against the 8th portion, for verify Jasper
was not entirely corrupt.
Now it had already came to pass that
there had been a war in the land of
Jonathan. And Jonathan had overcome
his enemies because of the silver he had
borrowed of the tribe called Bondholders.
Now the unwashed hated the Bondholders
because they had loaned Jonathan the
money, and they tried to persuade Jona-
than to repudiate.
This it was that was written on the
parchment.
And it came to pass that after Jasper
had delivered himself and had subsided,
that others arose and spake. And some
likened Jasper unto beast that has long
ears and that brays, and Jasper ikened
them into something worse.
And the people wondered, for they
saw that the unwashed were beginning to
utter truth. And among those who arose
was one Benjamin, whose surname is
Dirty Shirt, because that article is never
clean. And Jasper's counsels availed
but little. And when they had quar-
relied about the space of four hours, they
departed.
And on the morning of the next day
they again gathered together. And they
cast about for one to go to the mighty
city called Washington, to make war upon
the Radicals. And some spake of James
the Slater. And the High Priest COM
manded them saying If it so be that
you want James to go, cry out in loud
voice. And they did so, and James was
chosen. Then they cast about for one
| to rule over the land.
| Now when the tribe called Radicals
meet to cast lots, they write the names of
the elect upon bits of parchment, but
insomuch as the greater part of the
Democrats cannot write, they cry aloud.
And some cried for Grover and some for
Chapman, and some for John the Fiddler.
But the most cried aloud for Grover;
therefore he was chosen.
And they furthermore chose stephen
the Chadwick to be Secretary of the
land one Fleischner, of the tribe of Is
rael, to hold tho pieces of silver, and one
Patterson, to print upon parchment.
And when they had divided the loaves
and the fishes, they departed to their
lands-o abode. And when they were
gone the people rejoiced greatly, and
there was peace in the land.
CHRONICLER.
Albany, March Both.