The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1870-05-28
VARIOUS ITEMS.

Why is a sceptical Hindoo, like
drunkard ? Because he don't know
whether to give up the Jug or-not.
A gentleman of Columbus, Ca, the
other day, who has great patience and is
fond Of making minute observations,
timed the pace of snail It made 20
inches in so minutes.
A clergyman in Springfield, Mass, has
satirically characterized Herodias' daugh-
ter as "the blonde of the time of Herod."
How many apples did our first parents
eat in the Garden of Eden ?-Eve 8
and Adam 2.
What is the worth of woman? Double
you o man!
Unrequited love-a passion for gamb-
ling.
I am going to draw this beau into
knot, as the lady said at the hymenial
altar.
New Bedford brags Of a pointer that
camc to dead stand the other day be-
fore door-plate Inscribed A. Partridge.
A Vermont coroner's jury is ''of A
| from Violent Information in the head,
+ lfOu Z uodH 1uuA.
An English collier kept keg of pow
| der under his bed, and the other day
went after some, smoking pipe. When
he went out, he took the roof along
with him.
An indianapolis grocer has been mar
ried three times and divorced twice with
| in one year, and now has the same wife
he started with.
sBob, how is your sweetheart getting
along ?" "Pretty well; saw her at a
meeting the other night, and she said I
needen't come any more
A correspondent unmarried suggests
that Soiomon's wisdom was due to the
fact that he had seven hundred wives,
whom he consulted on all occasions.
The French prelates in attending on
the Ecumenical Council at Rome, say
that the Eternal City is the worst place
in Europe, as far as living and comforts
are concerned.
MADAM, you said your son was law
yor !; has he much practice Z" s'Why yes,
sir, he has great praetice-,of smoking
cigars"
The immortality of the age is stand
ing topic of complaint with some men
But if any one likes to be moral, we car
see nothing in the age to prevent him
"Guilty, or not guilty?" asked Dutch
justice. .Not guilty. ssDen vat the
ty full do you here? Go about NIT your
pizncss."
WITHouT-A distinguished advocate
of tie doctrine of Free Will demands thai
no child be born without the child's con
sent
THE RoD-H. Ward Beecher says
avoid the rod if you can; use it if you
must.
An undertaken in q neighboring vii
lage announces complete assortment oi
"underground overcoats."
\ celebrated philosopher used to say
s.The favors of fortune are like steer
rocks-only eagles and creeping thing:
mount to the summit"
ITs EFFEcr.-An Ohio woman ha.
coughed up a fshbone which she had il
her voice, and her husband wants a di
vorce.
OFTEN-The town of Winchester
Va, changed hands eighty seven time.
during the late war-sometimes as many
as three times In single day.
ADRIFT.-A Michigandress was chok
ed to death the other day by her falls,
teeth going adrift and settling in he
throat
A QuERY.-Do tiger lilies belong
to savage class
A man in Indiana put the end of
gun into the fire and looked down tn.
muzzle to see whether it was loaded
The Coroner's jury decided that hi
suspicious were correct
TEACHER: aBoy at the foot of The
class, spell admittance"
, Boy A-d-m-i-t-t.a-n-c-e, admittance.
, Teacher: aGive the definition"
Boy: "Fifty cents, children half price
front seats reserved for ladies'"