The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1870-06-09
HUMOROUS.
Tough preseryes-a log-jam.

tGlCC-lIc bdIDcI.
Admitted to the New York bar-giu
and milk.
when is a boat ike pile Of snow:
When it is drift.
The money market is Ike al old topper
frequently tight.
When a cat sings, does she dc it on z,u,
puss?
Flowers that are always falling off
bachelors buttons.
fla man blows his own trumpet, can bis
opinions be SouHdf
What costume ought TO remind lady of
her washer>woman? Why, her lawn
dress, to be sure.
81 am afraid, dear wife, that while 1 am
gone, absence viii conquer love. "
oh, never fear, dear husband. the
longer you stay away the better shall like
you.
A young lady in town who was Boosting
Of her teeth, was asked if they were natural
or artificial. Neither" was the reply;
they are gutta percha.
4 western editor, in a recent obituary of
an opposition quill-driyer, bespeaks for
him "a warm welcome in the world to
come.
Have | not right to he saucy, if
please? asked a young lady Of an old
bachelor. Yes, if you please, but net il
you displease."
\ New Orleans paper, in speaking of
thunder storm which lately swept over
that city, says: Several persons were
struck by the lightning, and 10 one instance
a woman was killed. The houses and yes
sells, however, did not fare so well"
The Alabama Post pleasantly says:
"We'ye got a man over here that's got
cross eyes, sandy hair, freckled face, LAM
tern jaws. bean pole legs, goes to church
bareiooted, and looks generally as though
he'd had bale of hay kicked out Of him. y
Ma;ron-"But, my dear girl, you really
ought to know something about cooking.
What will you do when you get married.
Young lady-"Oh, bother! buy cook
book, of course
At Sun lay school in RipoD, teacher
asked little boy if be knew what the ex
preston sowing tares" meant. 'Courth
l does, said he, pulling the seat of his lit
tie breeches around in front. There's a
tear my ma sewed. | feared it sliding
down hill
Though mea boast of holding the reins,
the women generally tell them which way
they must drive.
Why was Robinson Crusoe's man Fri
day like a rooster? Because he scratched
for himself and creW-so.
Washerwomen are great travellers They
are continually crossing the lines and rum
ming from pole to pole.
m sitting on the style Mary" as
the fellow said when he rutLlessly sat
down on his sweetheart's new bonnet
The last case of Incidence is that of a
man named John Hole, who was SO lazy
that, in writing his name, he simply used
the letter u" and then punched hole
through the paper.
Anna Dickinson says that 'there is no
work a man can do bat that will be better
done by having a woman at his side. "
bow about currylng kicking mule? asks a
contemporary.
A Jersey paper advertises ga frst-class
milk and water COW, warranted, with the
assistance of a good pump, to yield eight
cen quarts day, and on Sundays nine
teen.
A bill posted on a wall in a village in the
west of England announces that "a lecture
will be delivered in the open air, and col
lection will be taken at the door to detray
expenses
One man who was summoned as Jury
man in the Mcfarland case, said: IL
speaks Enklish pad, ant understands him
padder, and hear noting at all most al
ways neber."
Sammy, run to the store and get some
sugar" Excuse me, ma; I'm somewha,
lndlsposed this morning. Send father, and
tell HIM to bring paper Of tobacco along.
Mat. Nj was queer genius. A
neighbor found him at work one day at al
enormous wood pile, saving away for deal
life with an intolerably dull saw. "Why
don't you sharpen your saw, Matt" asked
the Deighbor. Looking up with an mint
| ably dull expression, Il should think that
| had work enough to do to saw up thi:
wood>plle, without stopping to sharpen
saws.
Sammy went to see his grand father,
pious old gentleman, who was wont to dis
course much to young Samuel upon divine
things. The lad, while taking ride ont
day in his grandfather carriage, after sit
ting 4 moment in silence, inquired: Il
God everywhere?' YES, my child. ;
rs he in this carriage?" "Certainly h
is. Then all I've got to say is. he
having jolly ride"
QUITE OUT OF DATE. Isabel" But
grandma, dear, shes not bit pretty, Look
very stupid, and hasn't a shilling. VIVA
can be be going to marry her for?
Grandma-'.Well, my dear, you'll think i
one of my old fashioned notions-but per
haps il Is for love"
Ma" said little boy, "has auntie got
bees in her MOUTH" mo, my dear VII,
do you ask?' ''Cause captain Jone
caught hold of her, and said he was goins
to take honey from her lips, and she said
Well, make haste. "
a Good One for Smokers.
An