davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21
A Western Lawyers Plea.

Gentlemen OF the jury: The Scrip
ture saith, "Thou shalt not kill now,
if you hang my client, you transgress
the command as slick as grease, and as
plump as goose egg in loafer's face.
Gentlemen, murder is murder, whether
committed by twelve jurymen Or by an
humble individual like my client. Gen
tlcmen, I do not deny the fact of my
client having killed man, but is that
any reason why you should do so? No
such thing, gentlemen, You may bring
the prisoner in guilty" the hangman
may DO his duty, but will that exonerate
you? No such thing; ip that case, you
will be murderers. Who among you is
prepared for the brand of Cain to be
stamped upon bis brow to-day? Who,
freemen, who in this laid of liberty and
light Gentlemen, I will pledge my
word not one of you has bowie-knife
or pistol in his pocket. No, gentlemen,
yonr pockets are odoriferous with the
perfumes Of cigar-cases and tobacco.
You can smoke the tobacco of rectitude
in the pipe Of peaceful conscience, but
hang my client, and the scaly alligators
of remorse will galIop through the inter-
nal principles of animal viscera, until
the vertebre of your anatomical con-
truction is turned into raIlrohd for the
grim and CORY goblins Of despair. Gen.
tlemen, beware of committing murder !.
Beware of meddling with the eternal
prerogative! Gentlemen, adjure you,
by the manumitted ghost Of temporal
sanctity, to do no murder. 1 adjure you
by the name of woman, by the tickling
time-piece of times theoretical transmit
grafton, do no murder adjure you
by the love you have for the esculent
and condimental gnsto Of our native
pumpkin to do no murder! I adjure
you by the stars set in the flying ensign
Of your emancipated country to do no
murder I adjure you, by the Ameri-
can Eagle that whipped the universal
game cock Of creation, and now sits
roosting on the magnetic telegraph Of
times illustrious transmigration, to do
no murder! And lastly, gentlemen, if
you ever expect to wear store-made
coats--if you ever expect free dogs to
bark at you-if you ever expect to wear
boots made of the free hide Of the Rocky
Mountain bufalo-and, to sum up all,
if you ever expect to be anything but a
set Of sneaking. loafng, rascally, cut
throated, braided small ends Of human
ity, whitfield down into indistinctibility,
acquit my client. and save your country
The prisoner was acquitted.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

At recent meeting of the "Confede.
rate Relief and Historical Society" held
af Memphis, paper was read, giving
the casualties on the rebel side during
the war, from 1861 to 1866 1t was as
serted that the available Confederate
farce, capable Of active service, did not
during the entire war exceed 100000
men, Of whom not more than 100000
we're enrolled at any one time, and Of
these only 100000 were in the field
These figures, it is alleged by competent
statisticians, require corroborati0n be-
fore they can he admitted as correct,
the number of soldiers in the rebel army
being supposed to be much larger. With
the above basis, the statistics Of the cas-
ualties are as follows: Killed, 1918 1;
wounded, i94026; prisoners, 2o2 2sS:
The deaths from, disease in the rebel
army can only be estimated--but the
records of part of two years show that
they were about three times as great as
the deaths from wounds. The grand
total of deaths in the rebel army 10
therefore placed at 100000. On the
part of the United States, the estimates
of the casualties arc Deaths from
wounds, 96,0s9; and from disease,
1s4.33l; giving a total of 280.420. 1t
will be seen from the above figures that
ON the Union side, the deaths from dis
ease were twice those from wounds. Ii
to the above totals be added the soldiers
who have died after the war from
wounds and diseases contracted in the
service, there is no doubt that the loss
caused by the rebellion amounts to over
100000 lives.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

!" You know, madam" said plain
speaking gentleman to his wife, that
you cannot make silk purse out of
sow's ear" "Oh, please fan me |" ex-
claimed the lady: .'I have intimations
Of a swoon. When you use that odious
species of vulgarity, clothe It in refined
phraseology. You should ray /: 1t Is im-
possible to fabricate pecuniary recep-
tacle from the auricular organ of tie
softer ser Of the genus porcine.'
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21
Conversational Usages in Eng
eandB.

Conversational Usages in Eng.
III England, letters there are posted,
not mailsd !; periodicals are taken in, not
taken friend on visit steps, but
does not stay; you order something to
be fetched, not brought; You ride on
horseback only. never in a carriage !;
foremost men are clever, not smart; q
high wind only is d storm, not fall Of
rains meadows are uplands, never bogs
orswainps cooked meat may be under
done, nerer rare; Lady day, Midsum-
mer-day, Micbaeimas and Christmas are
the times when all quarterly rents are
due, never March slst, june 30th, Sep
tember 30th. and December 3lst; il lis
the rental Of . house ron pay, not the
rent autumn IS The late season Of the
year. nor fall hedges. shrubs and trees
are quick, not alive and you ask that
two or more things may b done as once
tat paa tiael. and not necessarily in
stantly. Cocks and hens, rams and
ewes, buEis and cows. stations, mares
and gsldinga. jacks and iannies, bucks
md ssiss. dogs and slnis, still retain their
.Saxon names, and IL il III no time offen-I
sive t1 ,ise them And women of good
blood and gentle hrseiing, III conmon
With The other zex. have ankles and
calves, knees and lsgs, and do not blush
to speakpf them I sppineoes,s Maess-
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

How much water do you put in
your milk ?" asked Pittsfeld man Of
boy who delivers milk on one of the
milk routes. We don't put any wa
ter in it," replied the boy. What do
you put in it, then p" Ice" said the can.
did youth.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

A couple of Yorkshire grooms were
criticising a picture. of the death of
Absolom represented, as usual, hanging
by his hair, with his mule close by.
Sarved him right, was the exclamation
of one of these hippologists. "But
why I" said the other. "For riding
such vicious brute as that with only
a snaf1e .
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

The following are tie "deadly sins,'
as viewed by an editor /. Boring him
when he is writing. 2. Boring him
when he is not writing 8. Reading
his exchanges without permission. 4.
Asking permission to read his ex-
changes. 5 Hooking his scissors when
the devil is clamoring for original mat
Ter. 6. Laying profane hands on his
proofs. Z. Asking who "X," Or "Quid-
nunc" or % in Corner" is.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21
TERMS OF ADVERTISING.
Transient advertisements. SO Gents p
square for each insertion. The space OF eight
ines, in this type, constitutes square
STANDING ADVERTISEMENTS.
THE HUMORISTs' COLUMN
A little nonsense uow and them.
Is relished by the wisest men.

Fashionable lady going out Of church:
" What a powerful sermon l was
never before so impressed with the du-
ty and privilege Of giving freely. l am
determined to do better, and to send an-
other new silk dress to my daughter:
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

A correspondent who has visited the
Chicago female lawyer says she has got
a mobile mouth. Ifher mouth is named
after Mobile Bay. its a big thing. A
large mouth may be necessity for a
female lawyer, but we have seen small
woman, with mouth not half as big
as an india.rubber shoe, that could talk
a man blind In four minutes
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

A simple fellow once said of a famous
beauty. al could have courted and mar
ried her easy enough, If I'd wanted to-"
And, pray, why didn't you y asked
friend. "Oh, when l began to court
her, you see, abe took me ON one side
and politely asked to be excused, and so
I excused her," = -sa
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

An old lady being called into court
as a witness, got vexed at the lawyers,
aud declared. If you don't stop asking
questions I'll leave p and then added,
" You're the most inquisitive men l
ever saw in all the days of my life."
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

A speech delivered before company Of
newsboys and bootblacks as follows !.
My dear children-You should be
good because it is good to be good; you
should not be bad because it is so bad to
be bad. If you are gooa, you will feel
as good as do /; if you are bad, you will
feel as bad as you do"
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

constitutional struggle which in England
We shall regard with interest, but with
that equanimity and philosophy with
which the people are apt to regard the
troubles of others. In the meantime it
is remembered that Plon-Plon only last
September declared that plebiscites were
shams.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

WASHING MADE EAsY.-Rub the
clothes in two waters, use plenty Of
soap; then after wringing dry, place
in tub, and pour On clear boiling water
to cover them. Let them remain until
cool enough to bear the hand; wiring
and pat out to dry, using no bard water
about them. This saves nearly hall
the usual work, besides the steam from
boiling. which is very unpleasant, espe-
cially in winter.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

Touching and Notwithstanding
and irresistible was that invitation of
the rustic maiden to her swain :--" Come
over and see me We have new lamp
at our house, that we can turn down,
down, down, until there isn't scarcely
a bit of light in the room."
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

Aunt Jane," said an exasperated
wife, " wish 1t was a custom for wo.
man to trade husbands 2" Why, my
dear e. because, if it was, I'd cheat
some woman before sundown.'
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

A wit says of the red nose of we'll.
known member of Congress. that g its
Flushing honors, like the stars and dec
orations of French general, are tro-
phies of past victories-the colors Won
in tavern campaigns
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

The form of the marriage service in
Indiana has been changed to suit the
laws of that State, and for the phrase.
until death do you part" there has
been substituted, "until divorced accord.
ing to law
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21
Prioes-MoDER.ATE.
w. Al. RoBERTsoN. HENRY LAsTRAPEs
.-.----- 1890. .' - : - :.
WIN. A. ROBERTSON Il CO.,
Commission, Receiving and For
warding Merchants,
(Coyser. Maia and Lepee Streets,
HENRY LAsTRAPEs
w. Al. RoBERTsoN.
WASHINGTON, LA.

Al Re prepared to receive and forward all
ID. freight consigned 10 them, and being
independent of any boat, can offer superior
accoacyodatjons to aIl who may favor them
with shelr custom. They will also buy cotton
as New Orleans prices, less the actual cost Of
shipment, md will make liberal cash advances
on all consignnaants 10 their friends Messrs
=. 4; ualsan y Co. New Orleans.
% Neaten eharged % che nete fridge, on
s0atea eessismsa sksm, fer ahipmsnt or sale.
e1& w. a&43~tS y s5,s =
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

A man in Michigan swapped his
horse for wife An old bachelor &C.
quaintance said he'd bet there was some.
thing wrong with the horse, or its own.
er never would have fooled it away in
that manner.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

Babies-The delight Of days, the
torment of nights elegant in full dress.
but horrible in dishabile beautiful on
the smile, but maddening on the yell /,
exquisitely in place in the nursery, but
awfulIy out Of place in the parlor or
railway carriage the well-springs Of de.
light, and the recipients Of unlimited
spankings the glory of pa, the hap.
piness Of ma who wouldn't have
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

TRUTH.-.We must not always speak
all that we know-that were folly but
what man says should be what he
thinks, otherwise it is knavery. All a
man can get by lying and assembling,
is, that he shall not be believed when he
speaks the truth. Moataigne.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

A fashionable preacher in Chicago
lately warned the sinners In his congre.
cation that if they don't repent they'll
20 to the "place Of eternal uneasiness. u
That's what we call putting it mildly.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

A woman's rights advocate insists that
divorced women have right 70 vote un-
der the fifteenth amendment. which
provides that the right Of suffrage shall
not be denied or abridged on account OF
race, color, or previous condition Of
servisude."
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

The LARGEST CITY.-It is commonly
believed that London is the largest city
in the world, but the belief is erroneous
Jeddo, the capital of Japan, is without
exception the largest and most populous
city in the world. Tt contains the vast
number of 100000 dwellings and
100000 human souls. Many of the
streets are nineteen. Japaneseries in
Iength--twenty-two English miles. The
commerce of Jeddo far exceeds that of
any other city in the world, and The sea
along the coast is constantly white with
sails from the Southern portion Of the
empire, where they are laden with rice,
tea, sea coal, tobacco, silk, cotton and
tropical fruits, all Of which can find
ready market in the North, and then re-
turn freighted with corn, salt, isinglass
and various other productions which
have market in the South.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

How q, Camel Goes Through tie Eye
efa Needle.-The passage from the New
Testament, @It is easier for a camel, !"
etc, has perplexed many good men, who
have read it literally. In Oriental cities
there are in the large gates small and
very low apsrtures, called metaphor
callJ. needles eyes, just 40 we talk Of
certain windows as ..bnll's eyes," These
entrances are too narrow for loaded
camel 20 pass through them. Or even IN
the ordinary manner without load.
When laden camel has to pass through
one Of these entrances, it kneels down,
its load Is removed, and then il shuffles
through on its knees. yesterday. E
writes Lady duff Gordon, from Cairo.
Il saw samel go ihroagh the eye Of .
nesdle--that ii, the low-archea door %
an inclosurs. He must kneel and bow
his head to creep through and thus the
rich man must humble himself"
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

Tbs woman question Can yon lot
me eIhasye $40 this morning '
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-21

HvHIS HOTEL. formerly known as " Eagle
l. Hotel" and kept by Jesse Hayes, and
Omer Poiret, has recently been enre-opened, after
being repaired aud thoroughly refurmshed
The house is large and commodious, and con-
venient to the Courthouse and business part
of the town The table will be constantly
supplied with thebest the market affords.
Meals at any hour, day or night.
On the premises is large Livery Stable,
for the accommodation Of travellers Horses,
buggies, and hacks always on Hand, for hire
Travellers sent to and part of the Parish or
State
The Proprietor will, also, continue to haul
freight, de-. from Washington, and other
places, at former rates, without any Toll
Bridge expense TO his patrons.
oct '69-tf
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-11-03
HooRand's German Tonic

Was compounded for those not inclined 10
extreme bitters. and Is intended for use IN
cases when some alcoholic stimulant Is re-
ouircd in connection with the Tonic proper
ties OF the BitteS. Each bottle Of the Tonic
contains one bottle ~ the BitterS, combined
with pure SANTA CRUZ Rum. and Favored
in such "A manner that the extreme bitter
ness of the Bltters is overcome, forming a
preparation highly agreeable and pleasant
TO the palate, and containing the medical
virtues OF the BittcIs. The price of the
Tonic il $50 per bottle, which many per-
Sons think too high. They must take into
consideration that the stimulant used j.
guaranteed To be- Of pure quality. poor
article could be furnished al n cheaper price,
but Is il not better To pay little more and
have good article? A medicinal pr"pra-
ton should contain none but tho best tngro-
dents, and they who expect 10 obtain q
cheap compound will most certainly h''
cheated.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-11-03

COUNTING THE NoTES The Board o
Supervisors last evening commenced
the awful labor of counting the votes,
cast at the election on Thursday last
for Sheriff and Clerk. Two townships
only were finished. In Liberty township
the official vote gives McColloch l5j
and Galligan l26 for Clerk of the Cir,
cult Court. The count last night show
edthat McColloch had received l52 votes
and Galligan lbs, being a gain of two
votes Tor Galligan In Richland town.
ship McColloch has 81 votes and Cali.
gan al This township gives an ad-
ditional vote to Galligan, making his
gain in the two townships three votes.
In Liberty township Shallcross, for
Sheriff, has lS9 votes on the official
count and Brown l34. The count last
night gives Shallcross l4l and Brown
1873, gain of three to Shallcros. In
Richland, Shallcross has l50and Brown
&C. This township gives Shallcross Isl
by the count last night, making a gain
OF four votes in the two townships.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-11-03
The Mountz Murder.
Trial of Richard McCracken.

The trial of Richard McCracken, for
the murder of Frank Mountz, was CON-
menced before the Circuit Court yes
terday afternoon.
The Court House was not as full as
was expected it would be, the trial Of
the case having been postponed twice
before, but few persons thought it would
be commenced yesterday. To-day,
doubtless, the Court House will be filed.
The hearing of the case was set for
. o'clock P. NJ, but most Of the after
noon was occupied in obtaining a jury.
This was accomplished by about ,
o'clock.
The Prosecuting Attorney has assocl-
ated General James S. Wheat with him
in the conduct Of the case. McCrack-
ems attorneys are y. Richardson, AL
fred Raymond and Joseph W. Parker
The following are the names of the
jury:
Moses Feay, Horace Ridgeley, John
Turpin, William DUTY, Edward BIay-
ney, Jr., James Gray, C. Kraft, An
drew Lump. William s. Robb, $. NJ.
Hamilton, C. II. Senseney, and Joseph
Cochran.
The court adjourned to meet this
morning at o'clock, when the hearing
of the testimony will he commenced.
The stabbing OF Mount, as our read
ers will remember, occurred at the sta
bic corner Of John and Main streets
owned at that time by Ed. Young, on
Friday, February 18th, about / o'clock
al night. The quarrel which resulted
in the stabbing, commenced about
Mount callinga horse McCracken had
been driving in a sleigh blind horse
This led to high words and the calling
Of names. and finally TO the unfortun
ate act, that cost one Of the parties hi:
life, and jeopardizcs the life of. the
other.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-11-03
Ohio Championship Elections,

Washington Townshjp - Supervisor
Robert Gibson, 100; John Zoeckler
BIG. School Commissioner, Georg,
Zoeckier, 2j3; w. II. Oxtoby, 24S
Clerk, g. B. Jones, Isl; Mat Allmyer
2S4; w. A. Wilson, 40. Ovcrseer o
the Poor, William Mex. Day; lSj
D. Murry, 324. Inspector of elections
John G. Haberfeld Isl; E. w. vii
son, 32j. Constable, Joseph Chapliue
324.
Union 76CnShip-Supcrvisor, +. G.
LETTERS, 80; John Boring, 800. School
Commissioner. +. F. Caldwell, 35j; j.
NJ Ewing, 26S. Clerk, F. A Britt
$50; WIN. Emblem, 249; John Fulton,
| 0nd. } %. Overseer Of the Poor, VIM
Weidebusch, $40; James r. Acker
2Sl. Inspector or Elections, Jacob
Morris, 35l John II. Downs, 300.
7riadeiphia To,cnshp-Supervisor
Hugh Clark, la; II. s TLornburg
10. School Commissioner, Archibald
Wadlle, lj2; Samuel Oldham, 2l2.
Clerk, Frank Muldoon, 40; William
B. Waddle, PIG. Overseer Of the Poor,
George Schellhause, $50; August Helm.
berger, 1879 Inspector OF Elections,
David Armstrong, 90; Samuel Buchan.
an, So; James C. Hervey, 2l2.
RichLand Tocnship-Supervisor, Sam,
uel McColloch, 63; i. B. Kelly. lG5.
School Commissioner, William North,
~; Elijah Pogue, Us. Clerk, John
R. English. 60: W. II. Caldwell, 100.
Ovcrseer of the Poor, John Turpin, -
John Weidman, 81 Inspector OF
Elections, Dr. John English, -; A. X.
Jacob, is. Justice of the Peace, Pow
ell Wharton, l46.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-11-03

A LUXURY OF THE PERIoD.-Regardel
from the economic standpoint, SEA Moss
FARINE appears to overshadow every
other vegetable nutrient. ltcontains-
as we are informed on good scientific
authority, nearly ninety per cent. OF
nourishing, fattening gelatinc and OF
all gelatine substances used in cooking,
it is said to be the cheapest by over
fifty per cent, rs well As the most di-
gestible We give these statements,
which are authenticated by the sigma
lures Of men of eminent reputation, as
vouchers for the opinions we have ven
tured to express on the economic I'M
portance of the new article of diet. As
to its deliciousness, the proc: OF the
pudding is in eating it; and we feel
confident that no man or woman who
has once eaten Of a blanc mango, pud-
ding, custard, cream, Charlotte Russo,
or any other delicacy prepared with
this marine Godsend, will deny its claim
to rank among the table luxuries Of the
period
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-11-03

WE are glad to learn that new first
class millinery establishment will trim
our city shortly. The store will be at
Nicolls old stand, 100 Main street,
where they are repairing the same and
when completed will be one of the
incest stores in the city. We will pub
lish their opening at an early date
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-11-03

HoOaands German BitteTs,
Hoofands German Tonic,
Hoofland's Podophy||in Pill,
Hoofland's Greek OIL
Hoohand's German Bitters,
A Bitters without Alcohol or Spirits
OF any Kind

Is different from rn Others y Is composed
OF the pure juices or VITAL PRINCIPLE OF
Roors, HERE'S and BARKs Tor rs medicin'
ally termed, extracts), the worthless or IN
ert portions of the ingredients not being
used. Therefore, in one bottle ofthiS BiiteIS
there is contained as much medical virtue
rs will be found in several gallons ~ ordin-
airy mixtures. The Roots, &C., used IN this
Bitters are grown In Germany, their vital
principles extracted in that country by a
scientific Chemist and forwarded to the
mandatory in this city, where they are
compounded and bottled. Containing no
spirituous ingredients, the bitterS Is ire'
nom the objections urged sg inst al Others,
no desire for stimulants can be induced
from their use they cannot make drunk
ards, and cannot, under any circumstances,
have any but a beneficial effect.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-11-03

FELL DGAD.-Ycsterdat about noon
as countryman, who lives about nine
miles from Bellaire, and who had been
in attendance on the Second Ward
market, was driving along Main street.
and just as he got in front of Dodson
Brothers establishment, one Of his
horses fell dead on the street
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-11-03

MENDELSSOHN CLUE, OF BoSToN RE
member the sale Of reserved seats for
this celebrated Club will commence on
Saturday morning at 10 o'clock al
Hamilton Il Harding's music store By
all means secure a scat for Yourself and
lady to hear the distinguished vocalist
Miss Addie s. Ryan.