The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1870-03-31
All sorts.

! Uniform politeness-a policeman's.
| Outside the pale of society-hoops.
| How to get foothold-take boot-iack.
| A clergyman sprained his ankle and became
q lame 'un.
The first Board of Education-the black
board.
Why is joiner less handsome than his wife?
Because he IS deal palmer.
:" am not mad only incensed," said
dandy smelling of musk He was not muscu
lar, though he smelt strong.
HE told me-" says Artemus Ward. I" to
get out OF the office. Ipitied him, and went Z"
A Detroit dentist had to give in the other
day when lady wanted a new set of teeth for
a fine comb.
| Watchmakers haven't any right to com.
plain about slow. paying patrons, as there is
a good deal of" tick - in their own business
| Hartford man, in telling police officer
that he had an ocular demonstration of his
wife's iDtidelity, added 81 never had any
little thing make me so mad in all my life.n
| Jim had precocious nephew, LAD lust
three years old. Playing with his kitten yes
terday, Miss kitten got her back up" about
something and scampered over the floor
Look, ma, Kittens got Grecian bend -
A negro was caught in mans garden al
Roanoke, N. e., the other night, in close
proximity to lot of fine ca bbage When in
terrogafed as to what he was doing he re
piled: I" Good Lord dis niger can't go no
whar to pray without bein' troubled 20
Hold puppy's nose thirty minutes under
the water and he will never have the HYDRO.
pbobia.
man in New Orleans court of Justice. be
ing examined as a witness, was asked if he
were born in wedlock "No'' answered he
man, / was born in Texas"
Mississippi paper tells of a negro who
tried to OutWalk locomotive, and remarks
that he leaves his wife and six children in
Strengthened circumstances
| A moral debating society out West ia en-
gagged in the discussion OF the following cues
ton; 1T man deserts his wife. which is
the most abandoned, the man or woman ?n
| The small sewing machine " which some
rascal in New York sends to those neople
who respond to his advertisement by iuclo
sing him 81, is shoemaker's awl. worth
Is cents.
An English Bishop ENORMOUSLY remarked
to his servant that he was dying. g Well.
my lord" said the good fellow :. you are
going TO better place. john replied
the Crelate with an air OF convection. "there's
no place like Old England!n
A Boston pastor referring to the great and
needless multiplicity of church orga nizations,
reached sudden and effective climax by de-
ciarlng that the only new society now need
ed is one whose object should be to prevent
the formation OF any more new societies
An ex.policeman of Syracuse, NY. bought
a gold watch of decrepit old man the al h.
err day, paying 500 for it. Taking it to a
jeweler, he discovered that the watch was
I worth about So. and he is now looking for
the aged and unhappy mendicant who mulct.
ed him.
The practice of torturing prisoners in or
der to make them confess, which has been
abolished by most civilized nations. still ex
lists In Switzerland
When pauper babies out at nurse die in
| Brooklyn, living substitutes are borrowed. to
be used as vouchers for the collection of the
board bill.
Massachusetts contains thief who stole
the oars and tOw-line of ono of the life boats
belonging to the Humane Society.
New London, Conn, has Niagara Debating
society, SO named, perhaps, because its
members indulge in torrent of words and
one is dcafened by their roar.
/ An elopement in Hannibal, Mo. was fms
trated the other day by the cruel parent. who
disguised himself and OBLIGATED as backman
to the pair driving them home instead of to
/ the railroad station
nervous wag. who i'm agined himself dy-
ing, was assured by his nurse that he was
safe as long as his feetwere warm. "But I've
heard OF a man who died VITA very warm
feet" said the wag Du tell who was he?'
inquired the nurse. John Rogers .
Two farmers in Kansas recenely had a law.
suit about seven pounds of burter. When
the jury retired they took with them the but
err, and returned verdict of no canse IF 40 .
| tion." " -
fat woman's ball came off in the Bowe ~.
New York on Saturday night last Two w0
men present weighed respectively S1l and 331
pounds.