Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1870-08-12
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A DnNr1sr's oArH-Bx Gum. 3 !.


MISCELLANEOUs ITEMS. "N
a DENTISTS OATH-By Gum. d.
Our ABsENT.TEAs-Those In China.
THE CHmDREN's KINaDoM-Lapland.
A LIGHT ENrIoYMENr-Candle max
BURNING woRDs-A Dictionary in
flames. 90, .I-.
THE most difficult thing to remember
the poor.
THE FIRST EvE.ANeELIcAL ALLIANCE
Adams marriage in Eden.
ILLUSTRATION FOR A CoPY.BooK
crastination picking Times pocket.
THE PLEAsANTRsT TAx-Life Insur.
auce. The Company-the Washington
Life, of New York.
How to scrape an acquaintance-pet a
situation as an assistant in Turkish
bath.
THE dividends of the Washington Life
are made and paid in cash or insurance.
annually from date Of policy.
A WIFE asked her husband if druggists
kept dye-stuffs for sale. He replied
Most druggists keep little else but die
stuffs."
Two certificates of death in the San
Francisco coroner's Office read: "Ded
from rapture of the head" and "Suffo-
Gated from eating poison"
THERE is farmer in Yorkshire who
has mile of children. His name is Fur
long, and he has four boys and four girls.
Eight furlongs make one mile.
A VOICE comes from Washington Ter
ritory, saying, "Send us wivesp And a
thousand unhappy Benedicts respond,
Take ours ~
IRRITATING THE FEELINas.-After roll.
ing all night in your berth at sea, till you
are miserably sick, to have steward ask
you in the morning if you will have a
fresh roll for breakfast.
A MAN was drowned in the North
Branch at Chicago the other day, and the
police sergeant wrote tc the captain al
have the honor to report that the coroner
is desired tomorrow to hold an inquest
on the North Branch of dead body"
No bull of Irish extraction can excel
this of Corbetts. In one of his "Rural
Rides" he says: &c saw no corn standing
in ricks; thing never saw before, and
would not have believed it had l not
seen it."
A SCHOOL committeeman, not over a
thousand miles from Newark, in making
some remarks at the close of an examina.
tion of school, thus complimented and
criticized the scholars: "You read well,
and you spell well, but you hain't sot
still" = Il
MOTTO FOR A WATCH ..
Onward
Perpetualy moving,
These faithful hands are proving
How swift the hours steal by
The monitory pulse-like beating
Is oftentimes methinks repeating
"Swift, swift the hours do f1yt"
Ready, ready, perhaps before
These hands have made
One revolution more,
Liie'sspring is snapt, ......
.Hr You die.
A CLERK In an Erie hotel has mag
niticent scheme in view. 1t is q circular
hotel, to rest on pivot like locomotive
turn-table. The object is to give every
guest front room," (that being an al
most invarisble request) by assigning
guests to the places then in front, and
turning them to the rear upon the advent
of others. ..r-. 49,. r.,g ....
"PARsoE, would much rather hear
you preach" said baffled, swindling
horse jockey, " than to sea you interfere
In bargains between man and man."
" We'll" replied the parson, " if you had
been where you ought to have been, last
Sunday, you would have heard me
preach" Where was thatS inquired
the jockey. "In the State Prison." re.
turned the clergyman.
A LADY in Pennsylvania recently had
her eyesight restored by an operation, af.
ter having been blind for several years.
The first thing she did after objects be-
came visible, was TO sit down and read
number Of letters which she presumed
had been sent to her husband by ladies
during her blindness The feelings of the
poor woman can be better imagined than
described when she found that her ieal-
ousy had been occasioned by number of
coal and washing bills.
A FEW weeks ago, as an omnibus dashed
up TO one of the Long Branch hotels, a
lady's hat blew under the wheels, and
was crushed. Her display of good nature
over the accident so struck an English
lord that he sought an introduction, and
they were shortly engaged to be married.
1t is now stated that not bus drives up
to Long Branch hotel but that the
ground is 80 covered with hats that the
driver can't get down until a small boy
shoVels them into a hand-cart
THE London Globe is responsible for an
item, in which German gentleman, find
ing that his wife had elOped with fast
friend of his, pens the following note to
the destroyer of his domestic peace: " Sir,
have for some time wished to get rid of
my wife. Eight days since she was bit.
ten by mad dog, and 1 have been wait.
ing with resignation for the usual results.
You will stand by her, and help her in
her sad plight. Farewell p Haitian hour
after receiving the communication the
ardent lover eloped again, but quite alone.
Persons similarly afflicted, please copy.
AN economical Frenchman recently
sought to blend the useful and the senti.
mental by turning the grave of his Ia
mented wife into an onion bed. He has
been equalled, if not surpassed, by an
economical Englishwoman, who makes
her husbands epitaph serve as a business
bulletin in this wise I" Died, on the nth
Mtlmo, at his shop in Fleet street, Mr..
Edward Jones, much respected by all who
knew and dealt with him. As a man. he
was amisble; as halter, he was upright
and moderate. His virtues were Aboye all
price, and his beaver hats were only 81 As.
each. He has left widow to deplore his
loss, and large stock TO be sold cheap for
the benefit of his family, He was snatched
to the other cw9rld in the prime of his life, }
and just as he had concluded an extensive
purchase of felt, which he got 80 cheap
that the widow can supply hats at more
moderate charge than any other house In
London. His diseonsolate family will
carry on the business with punctuality.'
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