The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1870-01-06

/ lngSa wooden bottle pierced with an
arrow.
The family only lately became extinct,
In the person Of an old maiden lady
Book Of Golden deeds.
----l> @st q
Making Love with Umbrellas. '"
/ \ certain dramatic writer being
caught In shower of rain, took refuge
under the portico of a handsome dwell
ling in New York. AS soon as he had
taken his position, window was OPEN
cd, and lovely female face appeared,
which seemed to him to beam with
sympathy and anxiety. --She soou re-,
tired, and sent him an umbrella by n
servant. lie ut once fell desperately in
love, and thinking that from her. looks
that the feeling Was reciprocatsd,, he,
called on her in the morning, sent up
his card and gave into her own hands a
very costly umbrella in place of the oids
shabby one he had borrowed, aud
| wound up hy making a profession of
love The young lady. without even
noticing the exchange that had been
made, perceiving how her act had been
msin,erpretcd, naivcly replied;
| n feel it to be my duty to undeceive
you, sir. At the time of the showefI
was anNiously expecting the arrival of
u gentleman who is, | confess, very
dear to me, who wished to see he in
private, and my only motive for sending
you the umbrella, was to get you Off tho
steps"
Our friend hadc her pensive fare
we'll, and departed.
WHIPPING CHILDREN the follow
ing story is told ofthe Rev DIR. Morse:
At an association dinner, debate
arose as to the benefit of noggug, in
bringing up children. The Doctor took
the Affirmative, and his chief opponent
was young minister, whose reputation
for Ncrarity was not very high. Ho
maintained that parents often do harm
I" thcir children from unjust punish
ment, from not knowing the facts in the
case. "Why," said he, 1.-The only time
my father whipped me, was for telling
the truth"
"Wcll, rctotted the Doctor, at cured
you of 1t, did't it,"
FRIENDS AND FoEs. Es.-During the
Peninsular War, aD officer of artillery
had just served a gun, with admirable
precision, against a body of men posted
in wood to his left. When the Duke
rode up, after turning his glass for
moment in the direction Of Tic shot, he
said, in his cool Way
well aimed, Captaii, but no more;
they are our own 09th."
This sad blundcr has been reucated
too often i'm the armies Of Jesus. With
what fatal frequency have great guns OF
the church, which might have battered
down citadeis Of Satan, been misdircct-
cd against Christian brethren.
John, my sou, can you eat that pud-
ding with impunity2" ?" u don t know,
ma, think | can with 4 spoon"
DR.. johnson said of Il wdower who
was about To marry, that it wa. re-
nlarkab.e case cf the triumph Of hope
over experience.
Let your expenses lie such as to leave
u balance in your pocket. Ready mon.
ey is always "a friend iii need. ....
Swear not at all, = said "A chaplain to
"A trooper He said; do DOT swear at
oil, only at those who annoy me-" ...8
1t is said that there was neverbut one
man who wasn't spoiled by being iion-
ized--he was Jew and his name was
Daniel. =8 * r..5-s......s
\ lady who painted her face, asked
Parsons how he thought she looked. II
can't tell madan'," he replied, except
you uncover your face"
Dickens, i'll speaking ola friend, says
he was so long in the legs that he looked
like the afternoon shadow Of somebody
else.
spa, how long does the Legislature
set?' Three or four months my SON."
why, what set oi geese they must be,
our geese only set five weeks.n ..
, five were always as particular not to
!, breathe foul air as we are not to drink
dirty water, we should have different
race of beings, physically, from what
we now have. - .H4Ey
A Frenchman cannot pronounce the
word ship" 1t sounds sheep" in his
mouth. Seeing IN iron clad he said to
boy, "lsh dish warsheep ?" No"
answered the boy, "it'sa ram"
At large dinner party in a certain
, city, lately, tue frosty weather had
done considerable duty in supplying
conversation, when Il plump, happy
looking married lady made remark
: about cold feet. surely" said lady
5. opposite, Mrs. C. you are not
i, troubled with cold feet 2u Amidst All
awful pause she naiyeIy answered