The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1870-06-30
WALLER DOGS"
Mark Twain History Of the Founder Of the
Family and his Descendants.

When Noah disem bsrked at Araras, he
had scarcely touched the pier when he pro-
ceeded to tally his passengers. He had
just checked his last item in tbs list-a MIR.
and Mrs. Bsdbug-when the cringing figure
of q qnAdruped came snssking down the
gang plank with his tail between his legs.
"Drat it, if there amt tina. ysiler dog says
Noah. aiming . vicious kick with his bro
gan at the brute. But, with facility born
of long and bitter experience, the brute
lodged the projectile, and calculating
"yi ki," which is Syriac for declined with
thanks" or mot for Jo," he disappeared,
while Noah, who had his sea legs on, vas
unable to recover his equilibrium, and sat
down with emphasis on the back of his
head
Noah arose, and in accordance with the
style prevalent among the pa,riarchs, he
proceeded to soothe his affronted dignity by
pr onouncing . vsriegased anathema upon
the yaller dog, which had Enthusiastically
snenked unobserved on board, in the confu
sion of putting to sea, and capsized the cap.
tain .. the FIRST port. He CURSED that dog
in body. limb, bark, hide, hair. tail, and
wag, and ali his generations, relations and
kindred, by sanguinity or affinity, aud his
heirs and assigns. He cursed him with
endless hunger, with perpetual fear, with
perennial lsziness, with hopeless mango,
with incessant fess. and with his tail be-
tween his legs. He closed his stock Of
maledictious by a sparkling display of pyro
technics, from the demorslizing effect of
which the ysller dog has never recovered.
With this curse sticking to him like a
revenue stamp, the yalier dog can't held
being "cussed." he DON. try to help 1t.
He follows Noah's programme with sneak
in fidelity. He is an Ishmselite among
dogs. He receives the most oppressive
courtesies in the form of brickbats, boots,
and hot water, which makes his life an ami
mated target excursion He boards around
like district school teacher, and it is meal
time with him "a hours in the day. The
rest OF the tins he bankers after something
to eat. He is to omniverous for an epicure
Cram him at Delmonico's, and he would
hunger for desert from Albany boarding
house.
He can. be utilized. Heis too tired. As
q swilI cart locomotive, hunter, or a senti
mel, he is an ignominious failure. The dog
churn was . strategic attempt to employ his
waste energies, but he hadn't any waste
energies, and butter had too much sell
respect to "come" at bis persuasion. SO the
dog churn was dropped. ;.
No sausage maker dare foreclose his hen
on the yaller dog, lest his enstomers-n,o
longer "soothed and sustained by an unfal-
ter'ng trust"-transfer their patronage to
some less audacious dealer. The sa.ages,
who admire baked dog, and Who can even
attack tripe and explore the mysteries Of
hash without dismay, acknowledged the
yaiier dog to be too much for their gastric
intrepidity
De always manages to belong to . saesed
tobacco chewing, whisky drinking master
whose business is swapping dogs and svad-
ing the dog tax. The yaller dog 10 acauain
ted with himself and enjoys the intimsc,
with edifying contempt. he sinks alou,
through life on . diagonal dop trot Il
doubt - to which end of him is entitled 4
the precedence. He 10 always pervadsd b
hang dog sense of guilt, and when re.rib
utive tinware il fastened 20 bis tail, b
''fies from the wrath to come" with horr
fed celeritv which ought 70 be very sugse'
tive to two legged sinners Of similar orde'
in store for him.
The yaller dog is-vsll, 70 speak in its'
les. h ID slsuek. -