The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1870-02-05
VARIOUS ITEMS.

A Vermont dog chased deer for
thirty hours, and they both dropped dead
at last, not ten feet apart.
1t is with narrow-souled people as with
narrownecked bottles, the less they have |
in them, the more noise they make in
pouring it out.
Old men are moved down, but babies
are cradled.
Bible promises are like the beams of
the sun, which shines as freely at the
poor mans hut as at the rich mans pal
ace.
Ones age should be as tranquil as
ones childhood should be playful hard
work at either extremity of human exist
ence is out Of place.
When does bonnet cease to be
bonnet When it becomes you, my dear.
"Boy, what's your name? "Robert,
SIR" Eyes, but I mean your other
name 7" "Bob, sir"
Never see too much, especially if you
are looking at lady's face which has
been little arti6cially touched up.
What is the difference between an ac-
cepted and rejected lover !? One kisses
his miss, and the other misses his kiss.
If one does not hold still when stuug
by a bee or by fate, the sting remains be-
hind in the wound.
Whenever you buy and sell, let or
hire, make clear bargain, and never
trust to 1--WE shan't disagree about tri-
fies."
The round of a passionate mans life is
contracting debts in his passion which his
virtue obliges him to pay.
A California couple lately celebrated
their golden wedding by fight, in which
the woman was victorious. The man was
so chagrined at the result that he imme-
diately drowned himself.
A fond wife in Utica threw hot lard
on her husbands head as he peacefully
slumbered.
Farmers sell potatoes in Philadelphia
at fifty cents per bushel, and the retailers
at one dollar.
It is worth repeating that wet land
must be thoroughly underdrained-
A business house in Chicago advertises
for a woman to travel as commercial
drummer"
Two mulattoes are making the tour of
Germany pretending to be Indians. They
exhibit themselves with feathers on their
heads and war-whoops in their mouths.
The Richmond Wing urges the Vir-
ginians to abstain from all offensive par
ticipation in politics, seek kindly relations
with all, take help from any quarter, and
push their fortunes to the utmost.
A blown-down barn in Oakland, Cal,
was mentioned by the local journal as the
only noticeable movement in real estate
during the week.
Rev. Henry Ward Beecher is quoted
as saying:
1--WE do not wait till we die before we
see hell. l see persons in hell every
day"
An officer in the English army who
wrote to this country recently making in
quiries concerning the estate of his de-
ceased brother, said he did not know
where the property was situated, but it
was ''near the seat of war"
Mr.. Goodman, of Monroe county,
Missouri, has been married three times,
and has thirty three children, all boys.
He has brother who has been married
only twice, and has fifteen children by
each wife, making sixty three children in
two families.
Carrying bonnet containing chloro-
form is the fashion among rapid women.
When a chap with money concealed
about him gets spoony. they let him smell
of it, and the result is a lesson spoony
never torgets.
The Houston (Texas) Union approx
ingly quotes the following from the COM
position of school boy there: "Let us
behave ourselves that we may get back
into the Union, and then let US continue
to behave ourselves that we may be pros
porous and happy"
Twenty years ago a Connecticut man
left watch with jeweller, to be cleaned
and repaired, saying he would be
in town in day or two and call for it.
Last week the man called in at the jew
eller's and asked: "Do you remember
my leaving a watch with you number
of years since to be cleaned p eyes"
replied the jeweller," and Here it is"
| In an intensely Democratic county Of
California a number of teachers we're be-
! ing examined before the County Board
for the certificate. The questions were
printed and the answers in writing. One
of the questions in history required the
teacher to "give brief description of
Sherman's march through Georgia" A
Republican teacher wrote, in answer,
Like dose of salts"
A brute in Connecticut recently
thrashed his wife Size bore the indig-
nifty with becoming meekness, but upon
the assault being repeated a few days
later, the ire of the golden haired dame
was SO reused that she "struck out foI
hersel." soundly pummelled the brute,
and turned him out of doors.
A conductor on Pennsylvania rail-
road, who, with moderate salary, KEEP
fast horses, lived in fine house, wore
diamonds, ETC., was indicted by the com.
pany some time since, for robbery
Thereupon he gave up $4,000 stolen
plundcr and was discharged; but being
| r.. c,,oo sho nom