Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-04-15
szzs zsE 81.

High living-res;ding in a garrett.
Very fast women-thoso who beat their
husbands.
The best throw at dice is--to throw them
away. Fl thr ~ tGAa3 g.
AL servant girls are subject to the hire
The greatest want of the age is want of
funds.
The best crow-nometer yet discovered is
Il lively rooster.
When is love deformed? When it is all
on one side.
Every bird pleases us with his lay-espe-
eialiy the hen.
Why is kissing girl like eating soup
with afork Because you can't get enough.
Why are bushes like little girls? Be
cause they become women.
A good way to find your friends out is to
call when they are not at home.
Lasiness is q good deal like money, the
more a man has of It the more he wants
Every politician is in one respect a CAL
whist He believes in the doctrine Of e-lec-
ton. >. IL 7.a4'~,.o .-ss-a h7a
Letters must have stamps or the mails
reject them. So mustEyoung ladies, Or the
males reject them, - -.
A ,coquettc is a rose; from whom every
lover plucksa 1leaf-the thorn remains for
her future husband. So ~ ~ .t+st
Young gentlemen who ar fascinated by
the ''curl Of the period are styled switch
tenders. '.iar5l f'sre--,. 5,- .-s ltE' ms
Naomi the daughter of Enoch, was not
married until she was FIVE hundred and
eight years old. Don't despair, old gals
some hope yet. ..-...-
There is one kind O ship always stear
clear Of, said an old bachelor sea captain,
and that's a courtship, cause on that ship
there's always two mates and no captain.
A Cincinnati judge has decided that a
blow from husband to wife is sufficient
ground for divorce. How is it when the
wife does the blowing? b, ~ s-a
s'Woman is delusion. madame" ex-
claimed a crusty old bachelor to witty
young lady. sand man is always hugging
some delusion or other, was the quick
retort IT,,
Shocks was advised to get his life in
sured won't do it," said he; ''it would
bejust my luck to live forever, if should"
Mrs. Shocks merely said, "Well, I wouldn't
my dear" III 81 III :
At a recent lecture Professor X-stated
that Saturn had q ring six. thousand miles
broad BE jahbers,0 exclaimed an Irish
man who was present, what a finger he
r. NOW, my little boys and girls" said a
teacher, II want you to be very quiet--so
quiet that youcan hear pin drop"
In minute all was silent; when little
boy shrieked, ''Let her drop .s-....
A Pennsylvania farmer writes TO- his
country paper that he cured his daughter Of
the Grecian bend by pouring water on her
and holding her out in the sun until she
warped back again.
sfWhat is the difference between solicit
tor and an Attorney" asked lady of
Jekyll
E'Much the same, am, replied he Gas
between a crocodile and an alligator. .
A young lady in Indiana, was frozen to
death while out sleigh-riding with young
man. A man who can't keep woman
from freezing should be punished to the full
extent of the law
A sailor being asked how he liked his
bride replied why, dye see, took her
for to be only half of me, as the parson says
but dash me if she isn't twice as much as [.
I'm only tar, but she's Tartar
Cute lawyer to plain country woman, a
witness: You assert that your son has
worked on farm ever since he was born p
I do What did he do the first wear 2 He
milked,,' replied the lady Cite lawyer
whistled and let her CO. b
A minister in Salem took for his text.
'The flesh, the world, and the devil and
Informed his astonshed audience that he
should dwell briefly in the flesh, pass rap
idly over the world, and hasten as fast IS
he could to the devil
A young lady from the rural districts
went to Des MONIES to see the elephant. In
the street cars the conductor said to her
''Miss your fare ''W ell, if am" replied
she. Il don't want any of your imperti-
nencc"
Two farmers in Kansas recently had
law suit about seven pounds of butter.
IL
when the jury retired they took with them
the butter, procured some crackers, ate them
together, and returned verdict of mo canse
for action
Barber said a farmer to his tonsor
now corn's cheap, you ought to shave for
half price Can't Mr.. JONES' said the man
Of razors. I ought really to charge more.
for when corn's down, farmers make such
long faces that have twice the ground to
60 over fa
A clergyman asked some children swhv
do we say, in the Lords prayer, who art
in Heaven, since God is everywhere He
saw little drummer boy who looked as if
ne could give an answer, and turned to him
for 1t: well, little soldier. what say you p
because it's headquarters.
An elderly gentleman, returning home
from church, began to extol the merits of
the sermon to his son. Said he:
Jack, l heard one of the most delightful
sermons ever delivered before a Christian
society. 1t carried me to the gate of heav-
en-, "Why didn't you dodge in % replied
Jack, you will never have another such
chance
An honest old darkey, whose expectations
OF getting forty-acre plantation and do
mestie jackass, for voting the Radical ticket