The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1870-07-22
The Late Benjamin Franklin.

the day afsr tomorrow just as wsll.-B FL
This party was one Of those persons
whom they call philosophers. He wns
born twins, being born simultaneously In
two different houses In the City of Boston.
These houses remain unto this day, and
have signs upon them worded In accord
ance with the facts. The signs are con-
sidered well enough to have, though not
necessary. because the inhabitants point
out the two birthplaces to the stranger
anyhow, and sometimes rs often rs several
times In tho same day. The subject Of
this memoir was of vicious disposition,
and early prostituted his talents to the in
vention Of maxims and aphorisms calcu-
lated to inhict suffering upon the rising
generation of all subsequent ages. His
simplest acts, also. were contrived with n
view to their being held up for the emu
lati0n of boys forever-boys who other
wise might have been happy. 1t was in
this spirit that he became the son of soap
boiler; and. probably. for no other reason
than that tho efforts of all future boys who
tried to be anything might DO looked upon
with suspicion, unless they were the sons
of soap.boilers With nialevolence
which Is without parallel In history, he
would work all day and then sit up nights
aud let on to be studying algebra by the
light of a smouldering fire. so that all the
bows might have to do that also, or else
have Benjamin Franklin thrown upon
them. Not satisfied with these proceed
,in,s,, he had fashion of living wholly
on bread and water. and studying astron-
omy at meal time-s thing which has
brought affliction to millions Of boys
since, whose fathers had read Franklin's
pernicious biography.
His maxinis were full Of animosity to-
wards boys. Nowadays boy cannot
follow out single natural instinct with
out tumbling over some of those everlast-
ing aphorisms, and hearing from Frank.
lin on the spot. If he buys two cents
worth of peanuts, his father says, ERE
member what Franklin has said. my son.
"A groat a day Isl penny year,"
and the comfort Is all gone out Of those
peanuts. If he wants to spin top when
be is done work, his father quotes, PRO
crastination Is the theft of time" II
no does virtuous action, he never gets
anything for II, because Franklin said
once in one of his inspired flights Of ma
lignity,
early 10 bed and early 10 rise,
Make man healthy, wealthy and wise."
As If It wero any object to boy to be
healthy and wealthy and wise on such
terms. The sorrow that that maxim has
cost inc through my parents experiment
ing me with 1t, tongue cannot tell. The
legitimate result is my present state OF
general debility, indigence and mental
alteration. My parents used to have ME
up before nine o'clock In tho morning,
sometimes, when l was boy. II they
had let me take my natural rest, where
would have been nowp Keeping store,
no doubt, and respected by all.
And what an atlroit old adventurer the
subject of this memoir was! In order To
get u chance to fly his kite on Sunday.
he used to hang a key on the string, and
let on to be fishing by lightning, and a
guileless public would 60 home chirping
about the 'wisdom" and the ''genius" oi
the hoary Sabbath.breaker. He invented
stove that would smoke your head of In
five hours by the clock.
He was always proud Of telling how he
entered Philadelphia for the first time,
with nothing In the world but two shill:
ings In his pocket, and four rolls Of bread
under his arm. But really when you
come to examine It critically It was moth.
ing. Anybody could have done 1t.
BENJAMIN Franklin did great many
nutable things for his country. and made
her young name to ha nonorcd IN many
lands rs the mother OF such b soii. 1t Is
not tho idea of this memoir to ignore thai
or cover It up. No: the simple idea Of
1t Is to snub those pretentious maxims ol
his, which he worked up with a great
show of originality out Of truisms that
had become wearisome platitudes rs early
as the dispersion from Babel; and also to
snubhis store, and his military inspira.
tions, his unscemly endeayor TO make
himself conspicuous when he entered
Philadelphia and flying his kite and fool.
ing away his time In all such ways, when
he ought to have been fonsging for soap
fat or constructing candles. l merely do.
sired to do away with somewhat OF the
prevalent calamitous idea among heads
Of families that Franklin acquired hi.
great genius by working for nothing
studying by moonlight and getting up. In
tho night instead Of waiting until morning
like a Christian. and that this programme
rigidly inflicted. will make a Franklin o
every fathers fool. 1t Is time these gen
tlemen were finding ont that these exc
cradle eccentricities of instinct and con
duct are the only evidences OF genius, moi
the creators of It. I wish ! had been thu
father ofmy parents long enough 70 make
them comprehend this truth, and thu
prepare them to let their son have n
easier time of II. When was child
had 70 boil soap, notwithstanding my
father was wealthy and had To get NJ
early and study geometry at breakfast
and peddle my own poetry, and do every
thing Just rs Franklin did. In the solemn
hope that I would DO Franklin some day
And here am.-Aark Tooin. in ne Gal
ozy for July. .r
An exchange spsals ef The song Of Miriam .
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