Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1870-07-14
-MIsCELLANEOUs ITEMS.
COUNTRY sEAT-A milking stool.
l vow(A)L OF INDzBTKDNKss-Oi

Ho(A)RsE ExERc1sE-Singing with q
bad cold.
TRANSPORTED FOR LFE-The mar who
marries happily.
THE QUESTION OF To-DAY-What's for
dinnerP
AYAwN in company generally indicates
q gap in the conversation.
To prevent f1sh from smelling In the
summer-Cut their noses of.
TIE most fatal form of consumption
The consumption of strong drink.
In Chicago the procuring of q divorce
is called counting after marriage.
CALIFORNIA strawberries are so big they
plug them to see If they are ripe.
TIE Washington Life offers all the ad-
Vantages of a stock and mutual company
combined.
WHAT two sciences are employed by
teamsters in driving oxen? HaS0ncuiture
and Geology.
TIE only men who think well of misers
are the expectant heirs, who don't care
how saving the fellow Is.
A MAN in Portland wanted to gain ad-
mission to q panorama at half price on the
ground that he had but n eye.
RED BEAR, the Indian warrior, says he
thinks the white squsws are very hand
some, but they have on too much war
paint.
If you were to die to-day, would you
leave your family independent of chart
tyr Insure in the Washington Life Insur-
ance Company, of New York.
THE New Albany (Ind) Ledger says
that on the door of a business house of
that city the following sign is written in
pencil "Loafurs ar q newcense heare."
A PHILOSOPHER says, if you want a
pair of boots to last four years, melt and
mix four ounces of mutton tallow, apply
while warm, place the boots in a closet
and 90 barefoot.
A CALIFORNIAN a Y he raised beets,
last year, so large that some of his pigs
ate tunnels through the centre of some of
the largest specimens, without disturbing
the outside.
THEY say an Idaho girl puts on style
because she cleans her teeth with the butt
end of a blacking-brush. She says she
was brought up to be neat, and doesn't
care what folks think.
A CONTRIBUTION to an English journal
received the following encouraging no
tice: 1.-THE editor will not be able to
glance at your MS. for several years.
It is now at my office awaiting your
wishes"
A COOL old apothecary in Brunswick
Me-, left one day, on his door, a scrap Of
paper, which read: "Gone to Portland
WIN OA-1O1 4SS4 N"1S 80 va
please call at the book-bindery, oppo
site"
A HoRTICULTURIsTi advertised that
he would supply all kinds of seeds and
plants. Some wag sent an order for o
package of custard-pie seed and q dozeI
of mince-pie- plants, which he filed by
sending twelve hens eggs and a. small
dog.
"BAoHELoRs," says Josh Billings, "art
always a braggin' ov their freedom
Freedom to darn their own stockings ant
poultice their own shinsl I had rather
be q widdower once in two years, reglar
thar tew be q grunting, old, hair-dyeC
bachelor only ninety days"
ORE exceeding warm day in June
neighbor met an old man. n remarked
that it was very hot. Yes" said Joe
were going to have a thaw." What
that" inquired the friend. "There'
nothing froze," said Joe.
THE Prince of Wales, in a recen
speech at a dinner given in aid of the Lon
don Children's Hospital, said: "There ]
one fact, gentlemen, to which I wish t
draw your attention-viz That one thir
of the adult population of this countr
never arrives at maturity"
AT q match race of carrier-pigeons, dul
ing the month of May, two pigeons fe1
. oooA Va 6SNSA IL 1A 41s
than eight hours. They were let loose i
the morning at 6 o'clock in Pesth, Hun
gary, and arrived, at 2 o'clock p. m,
Cologne, although in an exhausted cond
ton.
"A DISTINGUISHED President of Hal
ward College was once asked by q brothe
clergyman how long it took him to writ
SOMETIMES ioneer.5 "Whati A week I
write q sermon? L write one in 8 daJ
and make nothing of it." eyes" reptile
the Doctor, "but I make something {
mine"
A PLAsrERER and his Roy being en-
ployed to whitewash a house by the day
were so tedious that the owner asked th
thought they would be done. The DO
- bluntly replied that "his master wa
looking out for another job, and if b
found one, they should make an end tha
week."
AN Indiana man recently wrote q lette
TO g friend in q town not far distant. III
addressed that letter to Columbus, Indi
ana" the "Indiana" being made yer,
distinct, written out in full, and under
lined. Then in the lower left-hsnd corne
he wrote: Bartholomew County" Ant
across the upper right hand corner b
wrote: "The reason / put Bartholomew
County IN this is, / don't want it to go t.
Columbia, South Carolina, or any othe
Columbia, but to Columbus, Bartholomew
County, Indiana, and to no other Colum
bus He mailed hat letter, and tn
Postmaster of his town sent it to-Co
lumbus, Ohio.
PITTSBURGH, Pa has been recently as
tonished by the curious freaks of a gen
tleman who has heretofore been one of it
most temperate and economical citizens
First he gave q free lunch at a tavern to
large crowd, the expense being about ST.
Next he contracted for a splendid tear
for $3.50. Then he hired four men t
drive around with him, paying them SIS
day each. His next step was to engage
band of music at $25 per night, to ser,
made him every evening. Finally, h
bought $50 worth of bouquets and di
tributed them among the pretty girls
the streets, and bought some dozens
wine, saying he was going to havea gran
celebration. Then his friends clappe
him into the mad-house.
APARIsIAN widower, who greatly r
GREETED his wife, had her buried in tt
cemetery Of Mont Parnasse. He put U