Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-09-23
III EslOP.

L He CulluIeH . EtHsSuUll-1ldplduu
Bill Of the period-the musquito's.
High words-dialogue in balloon.
Contraband Of war-the pipe of peace.
A rare mind-mind your own business.
Uneasy resting place-the seat of war
Universal topics-The Rhine and the
rhino.
The most difficult thing to remember-the
poor. %ae
A small thing to keep-the right side of
some people.
Scars on the battlefield are not always SO
splendid as scares.
Hens are not the only living things that
feather their nests.
The world has million of roosts for
man, but only one nest.
The way tc get good wife-Get good
girl and go to the parson.
When girl falls in love with an Irish
man, her heart always goes pity-Pat
What man wants-all he can get. What
woman wants all she can't get.
1t is said that the connecting link between
the animal and vegetable is hash.
Dyeing for love-coloring your mustache
to please woman.
The most steadfast followers of our for
tunes-our creditors.
Punch says that when Lots wife was
turned to salt, he took a fresh one.
Rum did it ALL said man on the gal
lows, 'and I'll never drink another drop as
long as I live
You look as though you were beside
yourself as the wag said to fop who hap
pened to be standing by a donkey.
Hops, in the country, run up poles, but
at the summer resorts they are spread on the
floor.
An experienced old gentleman says that
all that is necessary in the enjoyment of love
or sausages is confidence
A Java grandee is coming to this country
with his eighty-one children, and wants to
secure board in some quiet family.
The man who tried to sweeten his tea
with one of his wife's smiles has fallen back
on sugar. Nothing like first principles, af-
ter all
A pert little girl boosted to one of her
little friends that her father kept carriage.
'Ah, but my father drives an omnibus !'
was the triumphant reply.
A lady, in reply to some guests that
praised the mutton on her table, said: ooh,
yes my husband always buys the best; he
is great epicac.'
A man who went fishing in private pond
IN suburban town, complains that he only
got one bite, and that was from dog whose
master owned the pond.
The man who married three sisters in
succession excused himself fer so doing on
the ground that he got off with only one
mother-in-
'Solaced in duranee vile by the radiant
smiles Of connubial love- TRANSLATION
His wife went to see him in Jail, where he
was sent for stealing.
An enthusiastic critic of our acquain.
lance sternly declines to be vaccinated, on
the ground that he should be ashamed to
miss anything that it was possible to catch.
When Jemima went to school she was
asked why the noun bachelor was singular.
Because she replied, it is so very singu-
lar that they don't get married.
A little boy having broken his rocking
horse the day it was bought, hismamma be.
gan to scold, when he silenced her by in
curing, What is the good of boss till it's
broke ?
A very religious old lady being asked her
OPINION OF tho organ in a church, the first
time she had heard one, replied: 1t is a
pretty box of whistles, but oh its an aw
full way to spend the Sabbath.
A Bohemian who was obliged to camp out
the other evening, when asked he slept,
remarked that he occupied bed. Indeed
calculated brother B. L thought YOU
had to rough it outside 'Well,' No. /
replied, Il slept on an onion bed
A country fellow went counting his girl,
and wishing to be conversational, observed:
The themonkron is twenty degrees be-
low zelan this evening"
Eyes," innocently replied the maiden.
such kinds of birds do fl higher some soa-
sons Of the year than others
An old Baptist minister enforced the ne
oesslty Of difference of opinion by this argu-
ment: Now, if everybody had been Of my
opinion, they would all have wanted nv old
woman One Of the dcacons who sat lust
behind him responded; Yes, and if eyery-
body was of my opinionn nobody would have
her.
VINO IS the young man whose sweetheart
told him the other evening, If YOU mean
business by coming here twice week, I
", want to know it, and if you mean fun Tde
like to kaow it; for I've inst had an offer
from another fellow, and shall take him I'D
if you don't pop.
During the trial of a case at Louisville.
witness persisted in testifying to what his
wife told him. To this the attorney objected
and it was ruled out by the Judge. He
would proceed to tell 'shoost how it wash
when the attorney would cry ont:
How do you know that ?
my wife told me- was the reply.
This was repeated several times. The
Judge unable to contain himself, interrupt
ed
Suppose your wife wero to tell you the
heavens had fallen, what would you think ?
Veil, I think dey wash down