The weekly clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1863-1882, 1870-12-08
THE josh BILLINGS PAPERS.


' The Cat and fhe Kangaroo
+ The cat il called a domestic animil
but / never hav bin able to tell wher'
e fore
, You kant trust one emmy more tina
g YOU kan kase of the govt. There
1 only one mortal thing that you kan trui
a cat with and cum out even, and tina
il bar of hard soap.
They are as meek az Mosiss, and a
full of deviltry az Judus IscarTiatt.
They will harvest a dozen ov yum
chickens for yu, and then steal into tn
sitting room az softly az an undertaken
lay themselfs down on the rug, at yur'
feet, full ov injured innocence, ant
chicken, and dream of their CHILDHOOD
daze.
All thare IL about cat, that IL domes
Tx, that l knO oy, IL that WI kant looz'
one.
You kant looze a kat-thsy are az
hard to looze az bad reputation
You may send one out of the State, dur
up in a meal bag and marked G. =. D.,
and the next morning you viii find him,
or her, accordin tew sex, in the same old
spot, alongside ov the kitchen stove, red
dy to be stepped on.
Cats hav got tew good ears for melody,
and often make the atmosphear melo-
dious with their opera musk.
But the most wonderful thing about a
cat that has been discovered yet IL their
fear oT death.
Yukant induce one, by emmy ordinary
means to accept ov death-they aktooally
skorn tew die.
Yew may kill one az much az yu hay a
mind to, and they will begin life anew in
few minnits, with a more fattering
prospectus.
Dogs l love, they carry their criden-
tials in their faces, and kant hide them,
but the bulk of cats reputation lays
buried in their stumuk, az unknown tew
themselves as tew anybody else.
Thare il only one thing about cat
like, and that IL, they are very Cheap
little money, well invested, will go CRATE
ways In cats.
Cats are very plenty in this world just
now. l counted Is from my boarding
house winder one moonIite mite last sum-
mer, and it wasn't fust-rate mite for cats
neither.
The kangaroo is an overgrown monkey.
They are fello-citizens ov Afrika, and
spend most ov their lezzure moments on
foot. They have four legs, but their fore
legs amt ov much use to them they do
most ov their acktual bizness with their
hind legs. They travel a good deal az a
frog duz-on the jump.
kangaroos are very valuabel in their
phase, and Afrika is the phase for them.
| hav thought if the whole of Afrika had
been planted with Kangaroos and none ov
it with other people, it would have been
full as good crop to know what to do
with.
Kangaroos liv upon roots, gras and
herbs, and kan outjump ennything in the
wilderness. In the face they resemble
the deer, but in the length of their tails
they resemble a whole herd of deer.
A kangaroo's tail IL living kuriosity;
in its general habits it looks and axis like
a rats tail, but in size you must multiply |
it by six thousand and upwards.
What on arth kangaroo wants so
much tail for haz bothered the philoso-
pliers for ages, and understand, that |
lately, at one ov their scientifick meetings |
they hav Civ it up.
The philosophers git beat oftener than
j kno ov, but they seldom Civ
thing up; but the kangaroo's tail waz too
much for them.
But kangaroo's tail 1on't L5tt.cr rc
any more than kites duz bob-tailed |
kangaroo on the jump would dct just like
4 bob-tail kite duz in the air. Whenever
cum acrost anything in natur that kant
explain, then kno at once, that it IL all
light, for nature never made emmy blum
lerS in the animals; if she has failed en-
~ where, it IL in man.
Natur gave man reazon, and showed
Tim how to use it. but man luvs to open
he Unbelievable and let reason hum.
This accounts for his running oph from
he track so often and Citing bust up. /
lever knu kangaroo to bust up.
OLD MAIDs.-Fanny Fern writes
bout the old maid of the period, 1t is
ii mistake in the date, Fanny. There
re no old maids in the year of our Lord
Eighteen hundred and seventy. Accord ]
ng to the recent census, no married wo-
nen were found over twenty-six, none {
ingle over twenty. The years have {
rifted gloriously up the river of time,
nd we have found where our foremothers
it, the fountain of perpetual &
outh, the elixir of life. There are no ]
Id women any more. There used to be {
silver-haired grandmother sitting on 8
he cosy side of the hearthstone with a 9
nile ON her face like a ray of glory I
anting out from the beautiful land. v
Ve can almost hear the click of her knit +
ng needles now, as we think of the days q
our childhood; but the good old grand 8
other.is gone. In her place is a young !!
oman, whose sunken cheeks have been l
,newed with the wonderful touches of b
t, the color other face is as fresh as a t
alden, the placid brow is covered with v
,uthful frizzes, the silvery locks that a
lied for our reverence, are concealed BY r
xuriant tresses of tow such as the old b
shioned grandmother used to spin and t
cave. Old maids, maiden aunts be- +,
nging to the neighborhood, to begener- Ii
" useful, are extinct. In their stead y
e vivacious, sprightly, piquant girls, t.
hose cosmopolitan ease of manner in any Il
ID every circumstance would cause the p
i maid of the ancient time to look n
kance at them and gather up her unruf- a
d robes in fear. The wheels of the n
ariot of time are blocked, and perpet- u
] youth sits beside the the old scythe- A
arer. No more old maids. The girls al
blessed forever. ~