Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1870-08-04
oURREMw PARAcRArzs.
Wit and Humar.


A ACTNSINNATI census-taker, who was ais,
employed as Marshal in 1860, says many o
the ladies have grown younger during th,
past ten years.
A SYRAcUsAN, the other day, consoled
ono OF Dickens mourners with the remark
that the dead novelist had a ''mighty smart
sIster-that Anna Dickinson.
LADY, who was not Shakesperian
scholar, hearing the "Merry Wives OF
Windsor" highly praised, inquired how
many wives MIR. Windsor had.
THE Supreme Court of Georgia has de-
cided that a bachelor is family, that he is
the head of 1T, and as such entitled to the
| privileges Of the Homestead act.
Jenny" said his maiden aunt, s'you
should eat the barley that is in your soup,
or you'll never get man." Lenny, look
ing up innocently, inquired: ''Is that what
you eat it for, aunty?"
a REvENGEFUL individual, in the exuber-
ance OF his rage at some one who had of
Tended him, said: "IIl have revenge. I'll
10 something terrible. I'll give his little
boy a tin hornr'
4 LITTLE BOY embodied his thoughts
on theology in words, thus, Il don't see
how the devil came to turn ont SO when
there was no other devil to put him up to
it,"
A LADY asked pupil at a school, ''what
was the sin of the Pharisees?" ?" eating
camels, marm," quickly replied the child.
She had read that the Pharisees .'strained
at gnats and swallowed camels."
Nor long ago, youth, older in wit than
IN years, after being catechised concerning
the power of nature, replied: '.Now, /
think there's one thing that nature can't
do" "What is il, my child?" "She can't
make Bill Jones' mouth any bigger without
setting his ears back.
The greatest pleasure of life is love; the
greatest treasure is contentment; the great
est possession is health; the greatest esse
is sleep; and the greatest medicine is a
true friend.
AN Irish gentleman, who had been |
spending the evening with few friends, |
looked at his watch Just after midnight, |
and said: at is tomorrow morning; / |
must bid you good night, gentlemen"
AN urchin hearing his father read en- ar
ticle in the paper in relation to new in
vention of bricks Of glass, exclaimed:
''Giass bricks? I know what them is"
"What are they?" inquired one of the FAM
lily. "Tumblers of liquor" said the youth.
RULING Spirit, strong in youth, was
exempiied in Dubuque Sunday Scheol,
where teacher asked the little boys which
they would prefer to do-s'Steal dollar,
or have dollar stolen from them" Imme-
aiately a. hand was raised. and O little
nrcbin caudidly answered, "Please, sir, I'd
rather steal dollar" !"
A New HAMPSHIRE farmer wanted n farm
hand, and was applied to by an Irishman
who wanted to work The farmer object.
ed to engaging Pat, on the ground that
5wo Irishmen previously in his employ had
lied on his hands. ''Then you object to
hiring me for that, do YEP" said Pat. 'I
IAN bring you recommendations from many
place where I've worked that l never
played sach a trick"
81 WISH" said the slight and elegant
Mrs. Fiizbob 70 her friend Mrs. Twigg,
whose eRbonpoint was strikingly handsome,
81 wish L had some OF your fat, and you
md some of my lean." 'I'l tell you what
S tho origin Of that wish," replied the fair
git: '.you think too much of me, and too
title Of yourself"
Nus. H, young mother. was ex-
libitipg with considerable pride to numbsr
II admiring friends her first baby. Finally ,
/ proaching little Dan,a boy of five years,
he happy parent said: "Dan, isn't this
lear little baby?" Dan hesitated mo.
nent. turned up his eyes, and answered.: ,
Yes, but it is baldheaded'
PosToFFICE CLERKS occasionally get off q
unny thing; at least so says the Bingham
on Daily Republican. A clerk in our :
heard tap at the window of the
aides department, when who should he !
ind there but a man by the name of Drake
o whom he said: "Mr Drake, will You I
'lease go to the other side, this depart {
nent il for ducksp'
UNDER the inspiration of 95 degrees Fahr- /
nheit. an attic poet has sweated through
i'm the following poem:
The dorg days are upon us; Il
The sun is pouring down :
Upon the heads of every che Iii
In this here blaZen town. $
Oh for breath OF fresh airi G
Oil for little rainl C
I'd just do anything on earth .
These things for to obtain.
And il don't obtain them soon
4 funeral there will be;
The hacks win with my friends be filed,
Bat the corpse it will be ME.