Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-03-17
BILES.
BYs"sHANeHA CHANDLER"
"Dnnble double, boil and trouble"
lMACBErH'e WIrcHEs-tnDr0,


VINO never had boilss Boils are biles
There is no need of telling any body who
ever had 'em what they are. To those
who never raised any, this chapter is ded
icated
Bles are a fruit, which grow on the
human body and limbs. Some think them
the fruit of sin, visited on this generation
on account of our great grandfathers
having sympathised with King George the
Third and his tory crew during the Revo.
lutionary war, or having preached. prom.
ised and married the wrong girl, or done
some other base act.
These fruits were first propagated by the
personal devil, who engrafted them onto
job, freeholder of Uz, a township in
Asia, adapted to stock raising. Job didn't
like the fruit at all, and fain would have
scraped them off with potsherd-a
species of pruning knife unknown to
futile. Though Job was himself free
from ain, being perfect and upright, &C
cording TO the testimony of the devil
himself yet his second batch of sons and
daughters are supposed to have kept on
raising them and entailed them on posteri-
ty for the same reason that modern
farmers raise thistles-because they can't
help it.
Biles are like misfortunes In this :
that they seldom come singly. Bi!es are
misfortunes, themselves. If you don't be-
lieve it, try a box. When you have
one on one end, fortify yourself for the
probability of having the other end sf-
flicted also. That is, if you have a bile
on your foot, you'll stand right smart
chance to have one on your nose or
neck or thereabouts. This is especially
true of the eye -biles, called styes; except
that styes never grow on the other end.
But who ever knew anybody to have one
stye, without having more? Might as
well have expected to find one Siamese
twin, and not see his brother-before they
were chopped apart.
Nothing is as sore as bile. An eagle
can't soarlike bile. They always come
in the worst place. Have one on your
shoulder and you'll wish it was on your
arm or leg; and picc cersa. Philosophers
have male grave research into the matter
of the tsst location of bles. But they
never settled the question. We have
The best place for US to have a bile, is
onto Henry Noyes; and we wish just So
and Is ck. worth that this big one on our
shoulder was on his nose. He could stand
l.. He ID tough, and hath fortitude into
him. Then, too, he can enjoy religion
with 'em We can't. Widow Bedott de-
clared:
at amt our natur to enjoy
Religion all the time!"
All of which we stad!astly believe; and
this is the very time with us. And in all
this we sin not with our lips-no more
than Job did in chap. ii. verse 10. Per
haps not so much; for we don't open our
mouth and curse our day,-if we do think
a few on the bile.
Biles made Job eloquently .pee,vieh
IT,, unike-sse Cross as a bear. We have
i ,1s h na ob ' for words Of teSnsoa
ton. Can find but one sentence that
makesany impression on us. 1hats
conunlrum chap. vi " IL: And what
is mine end?' We've guessed it In Dan.
ger of having another on it, One is just
taking shape, tight on the crown OF our
head. Perhaps they II prevent levers
and other ills tnat meat is heir to: but as
for us, let US possess typhoid fever,
typhus ditto, lung ditto brain ditto, ship
ditto, yellow Tito, also scarlet, blue,
green, black, brindle, bay and intermlt-
tent together with diptheria, and the bots,
rather than have any more biles, unless
we can have EN-, as aforesaid, on Henry
Moves nose or shin.
That's one kind. Noah Webster de-
scribes it as "a circumscrbcd subcutane-
Gus Inflammation, characterized by a point
ed ppstular tumor. and suppurating with
a central core a peruncutus." And if he
could have thought of any more mean
names to have called 'em, no doubt he'd
have applied them.
Let 10 man Familiarity slap US on our
right shoulder shift when we get up town.
We've gpt peruncutus on it.
Gen. jackson said, "By the Eternal, no
more banksl" With equal vchemence
we remonstrate against any more biles-
except OBJ Hank Noyes, who larfs at us
BaraJoo Iieratd.