Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1870-05-25
MARX TWAIN ON SMELLS"
Pious Directories and Perfumed The
0f0Cy.


In a recent number of the Indepen-
dent the Rev. L De Witt Talmage, Of
Brooklyn, has the following utterance
on tue subject Of smells =
have "a good Christian friend who,
if he sat in the front pew in the church,
and working man should enter the
door at the other end, would smell him
Instantly. by friend is not to blame
for the sensitiveness of his nose, any
more than you would fog pointer for
being keener on the scent than a stupid
watch dog. The fact is, if you had all
the churches free, by reason of the
mixing up Of the common people with
the uncommon, you would keep one
half Of Chris endom sick at their stom-
ach. If you are going to kill the
church with bad smells, | will have
nothing to do with this work of evan
gehzation.
We have reason to believe that there
will be laboring men in heaven: and
also number of negroes, and Exqui-
maux, and Terre del Fuegans, and
Arabs, and a few Indians, and possibly
even some Spaniards AID Portuguese.
All things ar possible with God. We
shall have all these sorts of people in
heaven but, alas in getting them
we shall lose the society Of DR.. Tai
mage. Which is to say, we shall lose
the company of one who could give
more real "tone" to celestial society
than any other contribution Brooklyn
could furnish. And what would eter-
nal happiness be without the Doctor
Blissful, unquestionable-we know
that well enough-but would It be DIS
tingue, would it be recherche without
him St Matthew without stockings
or sandals; St. Jerome bareheaded,
and with a coarse blanket robe drag.
ging the ground; St, Sebastian with
scarcely any raiment az all-these we
should see, and We should enjoy eeing
them but would we not miss a spike
tailed coat and kids, and turn away
regretfully, and says to parties from
the Orient: "These are we'll enough,
but you ought to see Talmage Of Brook
lyn." | fear me that in the better world
we shall not even have DR.. Talmage's
"good Christian friend" For if he
were sitting under the glory of the
Throne, and the keeper of the keys
admitted Benjamin Franklin or other
'laboring man, that friend" with his
fine natural powers infinitely augnen-
ted by emancipation from hampefing
flesh, would detect him with a single
sniff, aud Immediately take his hat aud
ask to be excused.
If the subject Of these remarks had
been chosen among the original Twelve
Apostles, he could not have associated
with the rest, because he could not
have stood the filthy smell of some of
his comrades who came from around
the Sea Of Galilee. He would have
resigned his commission with such
remark as he makes in the extract
quoted above: Master, if thcu art
going to Hill the church thus with bad
smells. [ will have nothing to do with
this work OF evangelization. " He is a
deoipIe, and makes that remark to the
Master; the only difference is, that he
makes it in the nineteenth instead of
the first century.
Now, can it be possible that in
handful Of centuries the Christian char
acter has fallen away from an imposing
b roism that scorned even the stake,
the cross and the axe, to poor little
etfeminacy that withers and willis IN
der al unsaYory smell