The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-12-31

mental that he goes into rapture, at the sight OF
an artificial flower, and iaints out-risst in the
presence OF real rose Lately he abored three
weeks on the following pome, bat as his head
began 10 swell he had to abandon it at the end
Of the eighth line This is the "ode"
DOT PUS.Y PIC.
Schorge Dompsoa got leetle pbeek,
i Schesder-yite, like schnow,
l nj eiiery polace dot pbeek went,
Dot Dompson he yoult go
Won night fire com'd on his barn,
Dos h-emen loudt did bawl.
De pbeek thought twas his i.der's voice.
| nd schwim out dot canawl
Christmas passed in Ottawa and not q solitary
man got drunk-they did it in crowds . A well
known farmer in this county was subpnnaed As
witness. He did not come to cour, when the
case was called, but sent his hired man instead.
The judge had him hauled up with an attach
nent. When the court asked him why he did
not appear when subppnsed, he grlvely replied,
know didn't, but / sen: a haHd" IA little
Svo year old p-atter the other day was talking
to a lady and boasting about her big sister
Sally's beau. The lady said, teasngly, "He
isn't good looking, he has coven feet" "Oh!-
promptly responded the little miss, not to be put
down and yet innocent of pun, that's moth.
ing, Sslly's awful fond of cloces Friday morn.
ing, last week, the thermometer a. o'clock in.
dicated ''little coolness' on the part Of the
atmosphere amounting TO IS deg below zero.
At nine o'clock, when we came down town,
there was not musquito, fan, nor even q
parasol to be seen We saw a young man
straining young lady to his bosom, in front of
her fathers gate, t'other night. He iustiies
himself on the ground that he has a right TO
strain his oun honey. Very we'll, but has he
government license ?.... Bowman says our no
tics of his first lesson in Waiting, aud our men.
tion Of the size of his boots-l3s, square toed-
has Resulted disastrously to him. The ladies
now refuse to dance with him, and a, the last
hop he wa. compelled to play wall flower" He
would make q lovely wall flower" and would
.sok like sun flower in pink bed. Bowman
is mad because he amt pretty. Neither are We.
Our face is so ugly that it hurts US, and we can
sympathize with Bowman, or "any other man"
in our fix. ITO Greece We give our shining
blades" This was the heroic remark of our
foreman on Saturday morning. exactly at sun.
rise, while his butchers and himself proudly
aourished, in the glowing sunlight, their gilt
terins knives over the prestrate forms of his two
squealing and struggling pigs, weight $50 lbs,
Chester whites, sired and dam'd according to the
herd books. Henceforth Thomas will rest upon
his laurels, and revsl in grease and buckwhest.
Butchershovelfsh. :. The latest clerical joke"
The minister coming Unexpectedly upon quar-.
tette of the members OF his congregation, where
they were playing seven up for ten cents worth
of peanuts "ante," and the choice of the pews in
his church. Some one, who has written to the
Republican about it, while digging around his
premises has unearthed "a piecs of pottery, on
one side of which is leaf of gold and on tho
other a leaf of glass" 1t sa rare geological
curiosity. We had supposed it to be leaf from
the long extinct species of timber known as the
"glass tree and we were in hopes the discoveror
of the leaf would dig deeper and find the bal
ance of the tree, but Dr. Paul has upset our
theory bv pronouncing it zone of the LOST arts ~
Will the Doctor be kind enough to inform US
which ono 80. a ne waltz WAS introduced at
the Sohneiderbal on Monday evening. It's
stag dance and consists in waltzing uv to the
bar and ordering yer pizen."