The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-12-27

HrB Necesslty hDOWS uo law VOh
necessity is like great many lawyers.
n0y- Advice to an editor is like wit to
a millionaire, or modesty in ballot
dancer, little of it goes great way.
s6y- 'Tis Ia1ye." as the girl said when
gentleman told her she had beautiful
hair.
t@- Are you the mate of the ship?"
asking an emigrant of the cook, who was
an Irishman No sir, was the answer.
" I'm the man that cooks the mate"
R@- What is the difference between
an uncleanly servant and a chicken.
Why none, because one is foul domestic
the other domestic fowl
ba~ TO hide money from loafer you
must put it in his pocket--that would be
the last place he would think of looking
for it.
B6y@ A lad who had borrowed a die
tionary to read, returned it after having
got through, with the remark "lt was
very nice reading, but itsomehOw changed
the subject VERY often"
Da" A lady was urged by some friends
to marry a widower. and as an argument
they spoke of his two beautiful children.
Children" replied the lady, "are like
toothpicks-a person wants her own"
Hayn An exchange says: cit is not
good taste for gentleman to stay after 10
O'clock when visiting young lady" We
never noticed any difference in the taste
1t tasted good all the time.
Beg" A man made application for an in
surance on Il building in small village,
where there was no fire engine. In an
swer to the question, "What are the IA
cilities for extin2uishlng fires, +" he wrote,
it rains somrIimeS..'
B6y@ A gentleman seeing an Irishman
removing an embankment from dwell
ing, inquired: Patrick, what are you
doing Z" g am opening the cellar win
dow to lie sure" = nd what are you
doing that for ?" 9 May it pase your
honor" said Patrick, Ito let out the
dark"
Basr One Of the German clothing deal
ere III Belfast. Me, recently sold man q
pair OF boots A few days afterwards the
man returned with them, and said that
he went cut into the barn-yard 10 work
where twas little wet. and the soles
came Off "Mine Got, mine friend you
didn't ought to walk round to dem. Day
ish cavalry boots, made to ride NIT !"
Bag" Rev. Mr.. H----of Il
tells the following good story: During
the late war, the Dutch Surgeon of
Pennsylvania regiment, became exasper-
ated against General SZ-and vented
his angry feelings in these words: "Gott
i'm Himmel ! | don't want ter say any
dings against Sheneral S--but | wish
der Lord wanted i'm"
B6S~ just as a traveller was writing his
name on the register Of Leavenworth,
Kansas hotel, bed-bug appeared, and
took its way across the page. The man
paused, and remarked: F." I've been bled
by ST. Joe heas, bitten by Kansas City
spiders, and interviewed by Fort Scott
graybacks, but I'll be id if was ever
in place before, where the bed-bugs
looked over the hotel register to find out
where your room was.
ma A jealous New Orleans lover, who
is captain Of a schooner, arrived in port
early the other morning, and fastened to
find his lady love. On the way he thought
he saw her talking to another fellow.
His first impulse was to kill him on the
spot, but he only rushed up frantically
and tore them asunder, and was soon pro-
ceeding to rcnd his rival piecemeal, when
he discovered his mistake. 1t was some
body else's lover and somebody else. His
apology to policeman wouldn't do, and
he had to tell his love story the next
morning very pathetically in order to get
away from the Recorder.
sag~ AS matter of duty, and at the
same time with feeling of pleasure, we
welcome to the Drawer merchant Of
Boston, who, visiting the city, took oc-
casion to make inquiry in regard to the