Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-09-23
Legend OF a Baggage-Smasher.

l KNEW him. 1t was years ago. Ills
: name was-well, call it Bumps. If you
ever get into a railroad struggle, where
one struggles to get another off the track,
you will know more about Bumps, or your
friends swill. This Bumps was a nice
young man. His hair was always combed
low down; he wore brass buttons; and
there was mysterious report current
that he had been known to call on the
SHERRY" for three, on the Fourth of July,
and actually paid for it--paid for it, sir ?
We held him in awe, we boys did. He
could talk about lever watches, pointer
dogs, steam barges, and he could relate
incidents Of difficulties in prize rings so
beautifully that used to wish to knock
some one in the stomach, and break some
ambitious Englishman's jaw bone. II
Bumps said anything the whole town
swore that it was so. If he didn't say
anything we stood back and waited for
developments.
At last he went away. His uncle used
his influence to get him position as bag
gage-master. / never heard of him for
years, but was called one day to see him
die. went with great pleasure. Bumps
was mere skeleton; his eyes were like
saucers; his hair was all worn off from
tearing round 80 in bed. He told me all
about it. He drove everybody out OF the
room, bade me string up my nerves to
hear mournful tale, and then he COM
menced. Herwent on the railroad pure
young man. He took charge of trunks
and boxes, and commenced by lifting
them by the handles, and setting them
down carefully. He had not served a
1 month, when the president of the road
called him into his Office, cut down his
salary, and told him if there was any
more complaints from the conductor,
Bumps would be bumped out of a
berth Then the young man grew
cold and stern. He was bound to suit the
railroad corporation or die. He began by
walking up to the poor old chest belong
ing to an orphan, and putting his foot
through the corner; the conductor saw
the act; the. two shook hands, and they
wept for hours ona each others breasts.
Bumps had not made two trips before he
could sling o satchel eleven rods, retain
ing both handles in his grasp. Innocent
owners of such things threatened him
and commenced suits against him, and
swore they would never ride on that road
again but Bumps was firm. He was
dignified; he was solemn he was work.
ing for higher sphere; he was treadlne
in the path ofduty.
When gentle females would hang UP
their tender little baskets. and els,
Bumps would smile diabolical smile
!, and he would get in q corner and Jump on
the articles and toss them up and kick
them, and fling them through ETHEREAL
space. And when the train stopped, he
would throw out waterfall and tooth
brush to answer the call for check "22.' !
Husbands struck at him, and dared him
out of his den, and called him a base
'fiend, but Bumps was solemn. He knew
his line of business When he got hold
of nice trunk he would carry counte-
nance like "a strawberry for joyfulness
He would jerk off .one handle, then
another, then kick in the ends, then take
an axe and smash the lock, and then he
would let the shirts and things rattle out
on the track. 1t got so at last that peo-
pie actually paid high prices for the privi-
lege of living along the line of that road,
as they got their shirts for nothing. All
that was needed was to have the children
follow up Bumps train. 4~st
But there came black day. A miser-
able, contemplate, sneaking wretch, who
owned saw mill and nail factory, went
travelling. He run his factories two weeks
on nothing but trunk stuff, and he
brought our the wickedest trunk that ever
went into a car. It was seven feet thick
all round, and there were countless nails
driven in, one after the other, until
the thing was clear proof Then he gave
y Into, Bumps hands, charging him to be
Z every careful if he pleased" The train
started. Bumps got the axe as usual and
struck at The lid, but the axe bounded
back. He struck once more; the axe flew
in pieces. Then he got crow bar and q
can of powder, but he couldn't start nail
He swore and jumped up and down, and
wanted to die, and wished he'd never been
{. born. He got ell the train men in; ); they
all pounded, but the trunk held firm. Il
went through all right. 1t was handed
down without jam, and the owner wa
there to say, "Thank you, sir" and ht
pretended he was going back again, ane
had the chest put on board once more
Bumps grew pale. He grew sick. Hi
. legs shook. He had chills all over him
Thetr went back a witness Of mans
inhumanity to man. Bumps grew worse
He felt that he was forever diagraced, anC
went TO bed with brain fever. They
tried TO console him, and said that theI
could have trusted the chest if they haC
only thought to have collision, but th'
spirit Of the man was gone / was there
when he died. I never want to weep al
I wept then. He just sank right away
murnuring, "Cuss that trunk"