The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-06-28
H U M RoUs ITEM

joy-the next all jaw-y.
BGgn " Sambo, did you ever see the
Catskill Mountains ?" No, sab but Use
seen um kill mice"
BGS~ One swallow does not make a
summer, but too many swallows makes
fall
BSS~ Little Susan wished her father to
buy her some holes for her ears, so that
she could wear earrings.
BsS' Some alarmingly stupid fellow
wants to know if there was ever such a
thing as an eclipse of the honeymoon.
D3g" An honest Dutchman on being
asked how often he shaved, replied, three
dimes week every tay but Soontay
den | shafe every tay
Dg~ A St. Joseph city councilman is
reported to have delivered the following
speech at the last meeting cf the council:
I" Mr. Mayor and gentlemen of the coun-
Gill; let us lay our heads together and
make wooden pavement"
BSg" Why was it very strange for John
Bunyan to be the author of Pilgrims
Progress" Because all other bunions
that ever were heard of impede the pro-
gress of pilgrims. Acknowledge the
coen, Ell?
nfB@ An old lady in Laconia, N. H.,
full of tender sympathies, was alway in
the habit Of condoling with those who
were bereaved by the death of friends. On
one occasion she told mourner that her
case was not so affecting as her own, for
she had within year lost dear husband
two children, and five skeins of wooden
yarn.
Bsg~ When the Fifteenth Pennsylvania
Cavalry entered the town of Dawson,
Georgia, in the spring of 1865, among
those who welcomed them was a negro
woman whose appearance denoted extreme
old age. Impelled by curiosity, one of
the " boys rode up to her and asked:
How old are yCu, auntie 2"
We'll, chile," she replied, "I don't
'zactly know how old is, but I was here
when Clumbus comew w
Be5~ A fellow on the race course was
staggering about with more liquor than
he could carry.
Halo what is the matter now ?" said
a chap, whom the inebriated individual
had just ran against.
"Why-hic-why, the fact is lot of
my friends have been betting liquor on
the race to-day, and they have got me to
hold the stakes"
BsEg~ " DO you like the character of St.
Paul 7" asked parson of his landlady
one day during conversation about the
old saints and the apostles: "Ah, he
was a good, clever old soul, 1 know, for
he once said, you know, that we must
eat what is set before us, and ask no
questions for conscience sake. I always
thought | should like him for board
er."
Bee A dispute about precedence once
arose between bishop and judge, and
after some alteration, the latter thought
he should oonfound his opponent by
quoting the following passage; "For on
these two hand the law and the proph-
cts"
"Do you not see," said the lawyer, in
triumph, that even in this passage Of
scripture we are mentioned first"
Il grant you" says the bishop, "you
hang first"
B6g~ An Irish Judge tried two most no
torious fellows for highway robbery. To
the astonishment of the court, as we'll as
the prisoners themselves, they were found
not guilty. AS they were being removed
from the bar, the judge, addressing the
jailor, said.
Mr.. Murphey; you would greatly
ease my mind if you keep those two re-
spectacle gentlemen until seven, or half
past seven o'clock for mean to set out
for Dublin at five, and l should like to
have at least two hours start of them"
pG~ Uncle Sam had a neighbor who
was in the habit of working on Sunday.
hut affar q mbila ha ,o;aoJ IL