The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1870-02-17
All Sorts.

!
"Let me collect myself" as the man said
when he was blown up by powdermill.
Mrs. Darlington wants to know if the Pope
sent any of his bulls to the cattle-shoW
If newspaper editor stops the press to
announce" what would he do to a pound :
What is society. altar all, but mixture Of
mister-ies and miss cries
/ It has been ascertainod that the man who
held on to the last was . shoemaker.
Those are only at for solitude who, like no.
body, are like nobody, and are liked by no.
body.
To make pretty girls cheeks red. pay her
sweet compliment. To redden those Of an
impudent man, slap 'em.
| He who seldom thinks of heaven is not like
~ to get thither; as the only way to hit the
mark is to keep the eye fixed upon it.
Almost every young lady Is public spirited
enough to be willing to have her fathers
house used as courthouse.
Wordsworth cautions studious friend a.
gainst growing double" but the girls think
it is the best thing nice young man can do.
Affection, like spring flowers, breaks
through the frozen ground at last and the
heart which but seeks for another heart to
make IL happy, will never seek in vain.
",
guests, who is often little absent, observed
grAvely, -" have remarked that there have
been more women than men married this
year.
At an agricultural dinner the following
toast was given "The game Of fortune
shuttle the cards as you will, spades will al
ways win."
Bachelors are.not entirely lost to the refine
ment of sentiment for the, following toast
was given by one of them at public dinner {:
" The ladies-sweet briars in the garden Of
life."
An English Judge being asked-what Contrib
uted most to success at the bar replied :
"Some succeed by great talent, some by mir
acle, but the majority by commencing with
out shillingr'
Milton was asked How is 1t that in some
countries king is allowed to take his place
on the throne at fourteen years OF age, but
may not marry until he is eighteen ?' &c Be
cause" said the poet, st is easier TO govern
a kingdom than woman"
An Irish editor, claiming the invention of
every thing from potatoes to potheen for the
Green Isle gravely claims the piano forte, and
he does it thus: "The piano forte, of the
present day is simply the Irish harp, placed
horizontally in long box, and played by
machinery"
A very considerate hotel-keeper, advertising
his &c Burton xxx" concludes the adver-
tisement:
IN. B.-Persons drinking more than four
glasses Of this potent beverage at one sitting.
carefully sent home on wheelbarrow, if re-
quired.''
elbow, "said a county court Judge to wit
ness, do you know the plaintiff was intoxi.
Gated on the evening referred to ?" s. Because
I saw him, few minutes after supper, trying
to pull off his trowsers with bootiack,'
Verdict for the defendant.
A young gymnast, who was killed at
Cherry Valley. Ill, few days since, by fall
ing from double trapeze, had promised his
father to quit the business as soon as his en-
gagement was finished, of which that at
Cherry was the last night.
The editor of paper in Nevada. speaking
of kissing bride, says: 1--WE never had a
bride that we can remember, for the reason
that we are too poor and intelligent !; but
should the future have one in store for us, and
any man should attempt that privilege, wen
knock chips enough from his nose to exempt
him from the draft"
An indianapolis woman recently gave birth
10 child during her husbands absence, and
just before mis- return g the neighbors - bor-
rowed two other babies and placed them in
bed with the little stranger. When the father
asked to see his child the coverlid was turned
down, and although he must have been i'm
mensely surprised he coolly turned to his
wife and asked, Did any get away?"
A rich saddler, whose daughter was after
ward married to Dunk, the celebrated Earl
of Halifax, ordered in his will that she
should lose her fortune if she did rot marry
saddler. The young Earl of Halifax, in OF.
der to win the bride, served an apprentice
ship of seven years to saddler, and after
ward bound himself to the rich saddler's
daughter for lite.
At the wedding of the Count d'Artois the
city of Paris agreed to distribute marriage
portions. A smart girl of sixteen, named
Louisa Norsin, having presented herself to
inscribe her name on the list, was asked who
was her lover. "Oh," said she, with great
simplicity, 81 have no lover; thought the
city was to furnish everything!" The answer
created great mirth, and husband was soon
found for her.
Forty years ago Mr.. s. W. Davis, book
seller in Cincinnati, gave pecuniary aid to
Mr. B. T. Hanley almost an entire stranger
to him, which saved him from bankruptcy.
Mr. Hanley shortly after left Cincinnati for
Missouri, and he now turns up at St. Louis
with fortune of So 000,0Q0, which he has de-
yised by will to Mr.. Davis in consideration
of the aid furnished him in his time of need.
Fifteen years ago Asa G. Call and Ambrose
A. Call, two brothers, went to KOsSuth coun-
ty, Iowa, in advance of all other white inhab-
itants. They took with them less than five
dollars, but have remained, attending strict
ly to business. In the meantime they foun-
ded the town of Algona, and engaged in land
business, as we'll as farming and running saw
mills. They arc now worth quarter of a
million dollars.
In Northern Iowa swindlers have been at
work Their operations are described as fol-
lows. They pretend to be insurance agents,
and insure one mans property at low rate,
take his note for the amount, then go to an
other, sell him the note at a discount, and
also insure his property, take his note, and
in this manner carry out their programme
until the entire neighbo' hood is feeced, when
they retire with well lined pockets.
A Pennsylvania paper says: AN old man