Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1870-10-29
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

- ''lAiC '"lN ih'llCohuhN o.
a long-hcadcd man is never head
long,
Deaths sewing machinc-Thc
nCedlc-gun.
Song for the postmm- "Oh, letters,
be happy together.
When may a smith be said to COM
mt A felony? When he forgcs.
The man who had the wool pulled
Owe his eyes was a negro,
Modesty in woman is like color on
her Enthusiastically becoming If
not nut on.
The groves and woods are the mu-
steal ocadcmics Of the singing birds.
When is an actor a good friend to
another actor? When he takes his
part.
Sampson was an eminent tragedian
in his day, and in his last act brought
down the house.
Ii You court a young lady who has
a count among her suitors, you will
probably be counted ont,
Look well to your daughters.
Sparks falling on your house are Of
ten less dangerous than those coming
into it.
Why 4 woman's dress does not re-
quire any praise, Because it's so
much pVDed already.
A Toast-Thc Press: 1t eX presses
truth, re-presscs error, im-prcses
knowledge, de-prcsses tyranny, and
~op-prcsses none.
A Chinese thief having stolen a
missionary's watch brought it back to
lin the next day to be shown how to
wind it up!
An at orney observed to a brother
in court that he thought his whiskers
very mprofcssiOnal. you are right
replied his friend; "a lawyer cannot
be too bare-faCcd."
A gentleman was orc day asked bv
o friend how he kept himself from be.
ing involved in q~uarrels. lie an
swcred, "By letting the angry person
have all the quarrel to himself"
"Pompey," said a gentleman to his
servant, ! did not know until to-day
that you were whipped last week"
Didn't you, massa? ?" replied Pom
pcy. II know'd it jist dc time it
occurred.
A distinguished civilian was lately
cXplaing to his son, who was quite a
boy, the outlines Of Italy, and re-
marked as usual thar they rcscmbled
in form a mans boot. Well, said the
little fellow, if | live to be a man III
put my foot in it!
An Equitable Adjustment
"Dr.- wants to know If you'll
please to pay this bill now ?"
Old gentleman looks over tic items,
and replies:
Tell Dr. I'll pay him for his
medicines and return his visits.
A farmer told a friend of his, who
had came from town for a few DAYS
shooting, that he once had an excel.
lent gun that went off upon a thieI
coming into the house although moi
charged. "Wonderful gun indeed
said the sportsman " but how did il
happen? Must have been an irish
gun" "Not at ALL" said the farmer
"thU thief and it went of together
and before / had time TO charge him
with it."
A young Kentucky couple recently
made a successful elopement. Soon
after an officer was sent in pursuit
and arriving at the hotel where they
were stopping found them snug ii
bed. He explained his GRAND, when
the young lady said with a ringing
laugh: ''Tell ma its too late.
Snuggle up, VIII, Ond don't get ouI
of bed for him." ,a.r
An editor who was evidently insane
OF had a Stronghold vivid imagination
recently got off the following appro.
pirate item II true:
F" had q dream the other night.
Whes everything was still;
dreamed lhat each subscriber
Came up aud paid his bill,
Each word q o o of honesty,
And smiles around each eye,
Asthey handed out the stamps
Saying, " Vow Is that for hlgh?"