The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1870-08-12
THE JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS.
PLUNTPITS.

|
| A man with n few brains iz like q
| dOrg with one flea on him, dreadful
| OneaZy.
I have alNu9 nOtised when an indi-
vidual haint got the ability tew cIiti-
| else judiciOusly, he dams indISk' mi
nately.
What do yu bet Fame IL? bet it IL
climeing q creased pole tew win pTss
Ov 10 dollars and splicing q suit Ov
clOthcH worth fi-teen.
New York il a fast place. If a man
pulls out on phuneral procession, j;St
az likely az not the whole procession,
led bi the hearse hOss, W Ill strike a 2-4O
gait and leave him teW take their dust.
Ambishun IL like hungcr-it Obeys no
law but its appetight.
Thare IL no medicine like n good
joke it il a silver-cOated pill that frOl-
icks and ph;sicks on the run.
Beauty il a morning dream which
the breakfast bell puts an end to.
The man who never makes emmy
blunders will never rise in the esteem
ov the world abuv the repu' shU1 Ov a
good guide~board.
Making an entry Ov chGTItys on orr
worldly ledger liz a sure way teE haV
our whole accounts thrown out at the
judgment day.
don't want emmy better proof Ov n
good hOd-carrier than tew hear another
hod~carrier say, " He liz q cussed p 1Ol
and don't understand hiz bizZness."
A good book IL like a good law.
Poverty and ritches are mere imagI-
native distinkshuns. The man VINO
kan eat hiz bread and be happy il GER
,ainly ritcher. than he who kant eat it
unless it IL spread with butter.
Fortune il like n mirror, it don't al
ter men, it only shows them just as
they am.
Dandys are hybrid, a cross between
fashion plate and an unpaid taylOr's
bill.
Inever knew but one infidel in mi
life, and he had no more courage than
q half drowned kitten jist pulled out OV
a swill barrel, and Waz az aitaid tew
die az the devil would be if he waZ al
lowed tew sit this earth, for q short
seaZon, to recruit himself.
AT the present advance Ov inteleBtu-
al refinement, philosophy WI prove
faith to be q farce-Adam q relick-this
world the work OV an arthquake-the
Bible tale Ov credlity-a the Al
mighty nothing more than on hOnOra-
ry member Ov the CRATE college Ov sci
ence and art.
Debt il zap which man sets and
bats himself and then deliberately
gifts into.
Diseaze and pills, when they enter a
mans boldly, are Ike two lawyers
when they undertake tew settle b'z af-
fairs, they compromise the matter by
laying out the patient.
One good way knO Ov teW find hap
piness il not by bOreing a hole to ut
the plug, but by making n plug II fit
the hole.
A lie il like ni,rO-glycerine, the best
ov judges kant tell when it IL going tew
bust and skater cOn4JshUu.
A kicking COW never lets q we UNI l
jist az the pai' il fU'l, and seldum ms
ses the mark it il jist so with sum
mems blunders.
Az the flint kOntaips the spark uu-
knows tew itself, which the steel alone
kan wake into life, SO adversity O4ten
reveals tew us hidden gems whicn pros
perity or negligence would forever hav
hid.
About one-haf the pity in this world
liz not the result ov sorrow, but satisfack-
shun that it aint our hOss that had hiz
leg broke.
Most people when they cum tew yu
for advice cum tew hav Ihe'" own
Opinyuns strengthened, not corr ckted.
be divided into slow Ch"9tiaTs p1d
wide awake sinners.
There iZ lots oV folks who are ike
pump, not Ov emmy use tew themsel Z,
Dut SIMPLY handle and suck5hun for
others.
All happiness il like gold in quartz,
there il four quartz OF stone to one
ounce Ov gold.
Hope and Debt are partners in trade
Hope hunts up the customers and
Debt skins them.
Hunger liz a slut hound on q ite h
track
Toll swets at the brow, but idleness
SWEETS all over.
Dispair liz the ashes OV hope, which
the " ind Ov tTiblashUn skaters.
a man haz got about done going
down hill when he gifts Whar he brags
on hiZ laZyness such kTitter il OV no
more use tew himself nor others than
q frOzen-teW- death rooster in a barn
yard.
He who spends all hiz substance in
charity will undoubtedly git hiz re-
ward here and herea, seT; but hiZ re-
ward here will be the pOorhOuse.
Give a smart child pack Ov kards
and spellin book, and he will larn tew
pIa n good game Ov hi 10 j;k long be-
fore he kan spell q word ov two si"a-
bleS.
a lie liz good for short race, but 1t
takes truth tew run the heats" blood
will tell"
Tharo IL huge number of souls per-
ambulating around the world who hay
bin stTaining for years aIter camel
and finally had to swallow nat.
We should awl aim at perfeckshun,
but no one but phOOl will eXpekt tew
reach it.
Pride liys on it"elf, it liz like a raccoon
in winter, keeps fat bi sucking its claws.
Gus. If had a mule that wouldn't
neither Xix nor bite, i should watch
him dreadful spry till found out whar
hiz malice lay.
The medical profession of Virginia
are agitating the formation of State