The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-07-26
H U M 0 RoUs IT E MS.

who has mile OF children. His name
is Furlong and he has four boys and four
girls. Eight furlongs make one mile.
Bg~ Two Ohio editors are reported to
have arranged their duel thus: The one
having choice of weapons, names the
grubbing-hoe. Principals to stand back
to back, each walk ten PAGES, then face
about and fire at the word.
Ba~ An ignoramus had been taken
sick and, on recovering, was told by the
doctor that he might take little animal
food" No, sir" said he, 81 took your
cruel easy enough, but hang me if can
eat your hay and oats.
pa A gentleman the other day asked
young lady what she thought of the
married state in general? " Not knowing
can't tell, but if you and were to put
our heads together, we could soon give
definite answer" was the reply.
BSg~ A lady who advertised for a wet
nurse was much astonished at the youth
full appearance of an applicant, Have you
ever been wet nurse? she asked. No
marin replied the girl but 1 would like to
learn to be one.
B9y~ " Pat" said Judge Sniff to his
neighbor, in a sleeping car, you would
have remained long time in the old
country before you could have slept with
a judge. Yes yer honor, and ye would
have been a long time in the old country
before ye'd been judge.
D9g~ One of the most original of ju-
venile inventions was that of little Fanny,
who, instead of saying her prayers at
night, spread out her alphabet on the bed
and, raising her eyes to heaven, said,
80 Lord here are the letters; arrange
them to suit yourself"
RSg~ A dull boy being. asked by the
teacher who is the Dey Of. Algiers Re-
piled Thunder and Mars I've heard of
the day of Penticost, Thanksgiving. day
and the day of Jud cement, but I'm darn
ed if l ever heard of the day of Algiers
afore."
B9yr " So you would not take me to be
over twenty?" said lady to a young
man who she was walking with. What
would you take me for then ?" &C would
take you for better or worse so long as
we both do live, if you consent" was the
reply.
Real nice way that, to "pop the ques-
ton" isn't it girls ?
nsg" Jake" said blooming young
lady in Indiana to her lover, one Sun
day evening, " if you mean business by
coming here twice week, | want to
know it, for I've just had an offer from
another feller, and shall take him up in
two days if you don't pop. Jake instant
ly popped" and the wedding day was
set.
psg" One of the physicians in Burling.
ton, Vt. driving into town on election
morning, was met by friend who hailed
him with the question" Have, you
voted ?" "Not yet" replied the doctor
"but | have been out all night after 1
voter got him safe too"--" When viii
he vote p "Oh, about twenty-one years
from now"
na~ Old Captain Moon (of Western
steamboat notoriety,) was sitting ont
night on the capstan, n,-keeping a sharl
' lookout ahead, when, lulled by the dri
wing machinery, he went fast asleep
which was no sooner perceived than ont
of the hands gave chin turn round,
facing the boiler fires, then stuck pil
in him. Opening his eyes, he gave. on,
l Jump and shouted Back her! stol
her here's a big steamboat right onto
u.s."
BG~ NEGRO WIT.-" How much y;
charge Massa Magistrate, to marry m
and Miss Dinah 7"
"Why, Glen, I'll marry you for tw'
dollars
"Two dollars-what you charge t
marry white folks, massa Z"
ave generally charge them five dollars
Glenn"
"Well, va marry us like white folks
and will give ye five dollars, too"
4 4lot