, 1870-10-09
TIT-BITS.

444-u41S.
I.unlter de1les. should patronage tho horse
cars, A. every timo they Fide thoy can got
toar1-
When il a lot o. corn like corner lot
When it's ground.
Whom reportcrs arc short OF time all the.
have to DO is to make fe9 minutes
Or course the icc~cart drivers are totally
hsiEa to TIE interests OF customers wheu thur
put tlclr leo out.
King William asks no Favzes from the
ftercA. ,.
: Clerical E1ro1s-Three quarters of an
hour esrnops.
The Qneetion il nroponndea by yoaug-
ster whethef, when gold gets to par, it won't
y1 to ma.
WHIT reason l,ara we to suppose that
beer wss E-asic III Tie ak: Tia kangaroo was
seer 10 20 in with hors. aud tho bear was a.
NAYS lruin.
:. That was an Intelligent Chairman OF the
Poultry Cen4,uit:ce, who decided that ROSTERS
were rusty utei. they corrode.
-Ihrte il said 10 he farm near Iames-
town Where tho ErasssopperS. having eA,an
IN all the rrops above ground. uow sis on the
drrs, waiting for the potatoes to get old
ene,,Gh to dlE+
AN Adironaacker, 1t saratogs, seeing
Drc.dnay belle driving her rhaeton. with tho
negro il. livery behind, remarked: What ne
gto nlsst pay that nice looking girl pils to
u1iye for hiC,.'
y good deal Of consolation offered in tba
Noi.! .s about IS soa9iDe as the assurance OF
tie nan to bis vile When she fell into tho
liver: you'll iind ground al the bottom, nv
lca-
-reunsylvania puddiers can boast of h.r-
'4E cultivated their olGactory organs to such
desree That they enlelt iron.
"a fpsri knf11 bal
ai4iLa!lou. by The clergyman. to tell him what
@AGain lust ty Ills fall. aud, when pressed, a,1s
tei'1.ed: ~ suppose il was his lat
50! Baukum To- Quiz. "This 1s wars sad re-
AZ eEpty-sleesea soidter anl hand-ossaa
"en,t. na'rra,,~ says eaiz, F." af.cs: wars Stern
The emrss-seesed soldier Is asking for aims
- lady askcd her little g,rl, on returning
frnm church, it slc rcms mEezsl tllu >te4t,
ION, scr" said eGc, sit was this; Tie Is
a,ee, sewing society will meet q: Hrs. H.
CEaekcns Eouse on Monday evening"
the rut'ic schools, tortured clsss Of youn: YOU
ss i sAo Se sr II I'll III
l:,1e ores. more forward than tho rent, i'd
vance.: % the front OF the class, and replied:
"We.l, we ao,:'t know, Ma'am, what her
name vas but. any way, she wasn't lrlsh:"
May J.oe-l hare embroidered tag for
| the rr1,sbian army, 81. ~. = .Ssa .ur =
motto. How wonlI ;. ;;car aud Fosbear" aos
Ansver-"E Beer and FOR Beer would bel better.
-l'erklrs VII get tight occasionally, much
70 tAe assoni-hn:cnt Of hin=e1f and friends
"Fcr yes:s." sa-s he, vt was uusccouutAbla
10 me- fer ] never dill drink trt ruou.hsrl
or two: and the cause never did strike mo
| uhtil measured mr north enl found that II
held lint E;nt'
14s acsss log, Mizsiss;n,t s.;.,r,
sss: took . landing. 4 trarejIcr snrtC.,s n,ssna
~ aAcaat catco 10 the urrerturf,o,l .aous .1 ~
~ .ne Wheel, and asked whr tI,s hn.t VIZ.
r:S TOO much fog: can't SEQ The riya1: s.vp7
~ 1sut yon can gee the atsrs overhead" Yea''
,1s,s pea me ,ba1e piot bu. anti the biler
Eee vent to bed satisfied,
.bo boa o.js jsen1ienan dropped letter in Memphi.
tne o'hes dsy. 4 bJssanler picked il m sr1
Itsurned , It to the owner, saying: tsYoa naTS @
aa1b"fsa aba sep.enspp nape1b ibanEd s5 i be v,luabs
wandering document, AID repl;eI: sTs1n,' .uo
be! not at all, it's only lore letter. Sans;-
mental Eonns iadies can make note oY th;s
"a gentleman was travelling in Tenpe.sae.
ana ana was Obliged to stop. at q farm hoase for
ra IRE night. oairs to the scarcity of hotels.
observed an urshn tusging at loaf Of bread.
At length tho urchin cried out: "Grannv,
thtr's har on the bread The old l4ly Re-.
market that 1t WAS only piece Of coru silk.
Eorn elk.." exclaimed he show come c.,rn
to know" "'-As
a prospective fathc7-in-Iar. sne,l;n, .,
1he Young man whom his daughter was 10
MAJ @Ina1f!. s7ld e Tie IL a good feflos. and hss
nnf one fsult, no does not know Lov so
sassr fault inaeed. think Yon arc
ss 1speG ,3fias1s b. tenas m getting ss sue b. seaia
know E0T to kHear Eut ha sxa,.S u, ~
esne, wss the reply A' S@A'
"A distinguished member Of .he r.nan,.r
nous, passing too near an lm4ense lo.ahaad
.he athes afternoon, got \ fearful rent in his
he as t.ci1in,ea s51. efo@ ts 55o1ecng rail Turning,
o. MaIc Antony. "see what .en. ths en-
rious C1gk has made, and Walked on n sor-
row. not in anger.
An 11ishtnau made sudden bolt into a
eat.s the t9ek f5o nis pocket sed.
liquor, and binding it ac-oss the counter, c1-
claimed: There, DOCTOR, snuff that. viii
sous The doctor did Is he was directed, ,.nd
ptoEcunced the liquor to be genuine whiskey-
..Eand it to me again. u you please" Tie
doctor again did III directed, ana ask.i wi,,t
be meant 'sOch, thiu." said Pat. =. If you
vii hare IT, the priest told me- not to drink
aos Of this unless got it from the Doctor. So
here's Four health nId tho psieste fea|;h."
"A Dubuquer who lad been studying per-
retun! motion ever since 1850. got married
H." da5a 1go, and on Saturday last rushed
INTO the ErfninJ Telegraph Office, and told
General TFumbull that te had discovered it
General went With him =trais1:w:y. and On
reaching the discoverer's lome, tle man
pointed to his wife, and said ''Tbere i:is-ia
her mouth 1t Is her tou6us" The General
tjsculated vehement sweaI-Nofu, aud won't
ehipr 6r of Woman.
a Deputy Sheriff In keene, New 4anashire.
had hsbit, when anything occurred to him
Which be bad fofEo.sen; r.. to .s asats, q quickly
tended, aud prefaeing his remarks With the
e1clamation, !" By the way It being once
his dut<. II eries, TO give notice Of tha open
lug Of the eonrt, be began: Hesr ge. all
con1t Co T Of Common PIeas. Ti1l draw % n;eh sn9 .nS
lea,kea to the evidence" Here be eaf doWn.
bus remembering that he had forgottou tha
finishing touches. Instantly rose, and ex
c1aiued: "By the kay, God save tie state!"
aeo. as afr. Beecher vas about cornmane;n1
h!e sermon. = stout, fa.herly-lookjpr rnHn wss
endeaEorinE to make hts Eay through the
crowd, to get .ithin better hearing distance
q e. ths asbs as5gshea a;e orator At that moment
text: Who arr thouS' who 1T tfoa he ~ =
again cried out the d1amstic preacher, ~,
rtout parts, thinking himself in The w1onr
Es5haRs; y pressing forward, and believing
the brctbren and nonpiuszed Their reverend
chief.ain BY sedasels replying: I'm nir
merchant from Chicago, ctr: hope you ain't
mad There amt narr chair or else I'd eot
doEn. Plymouth Church didn't recoyer itx
serenity for ten minutes.
AN EnSlishman stopping at j country iun
N one OF the Eastarn States, was cont. ra1ly
hoastlng OF the superiority of everything IN
England, and depreciatins the productions OF
America The landlord. a. nay be su1r.isad,
did not relish this, and therefore thought OF
plsn to "get square with the English blower.
Procuring q busbel Of fine, healthy crabs, he
poured them in the Establishments bed. then
telling his guest that tho room vas rexdy, be
lighted candle sud escorted him up stairs
Upon reaching the aoos. the Yankee managed
to put out the Light. or course 1t didn't u,ake
much difference to the Enslshez, so be M
dressed himself md Jumped into bed: I'M
landlord. CONS here! What are these il mr-
be5s" The la:dlord, who waa Outside tho
eoor. csms in. looked in the bed. and coolly
raid: "rhem's bed-bugs. can you beat them
in Erglands" The EuHllahuan left.