Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1870-07-27
Wit and HUmOr

REVENGE is the only debt which it is
wrong to pay.
WALL STREET is seldom original but it is
great In quotations.
WHY is the earth like blackboard Be-
cause the children of men multiply upon
the face of it.
The Comanche Indians don't like the
negro troops employed on the Texan from
tier. It's too much trouble to scalp them.
The reason there are so many mutton
heads in existence is, because such num-
Der OF children are 'tperfect little lambs
A PRISONER was examined in court and
contradicted himself. "Why do you lie
so" asked the judge Haven't you
lawyer?"
WHY is horse the most curious feeder
IN the world2 Because he eats best when
he has not a bit in his mouth.
PEOPLE who are always fishing for COM
pliments do not need very long lines. They
will get their best bites in shallow water.
MISSING revenge iz like nussing young
hedgehog-the older he grows, the sharper
his quilts.
Four business firms in London have
names which make curious combinations =
Flint d Steel, Ward & Lock, Lamb i
Hare, and Holland & Sherry.
If W want to find out the ruling pashun
ov hoss, feed him high on oats it liz Just
so with mankind
NINE families have contributed three
members each to the English House of
Commons, and in the same body there are
twenty-one pairs of brothers and seven
pairs of fathers and sons.
A MAN is said to be absent-minded when
he thinks he has left his watch at home,
and takes it out of his pocket to see if he
has time to return home to get it.
A RUDE fellow once told Mr. Barnum he
never exhibited anything that wasn't
baretaced humbug. eyes, 1 have said
Barnum, "the bearded lady wasn't bare
faced.
A CONNECTICUT gymnast has beaten the
man in the bramble bush. He dislocated a
wrist on the horizontal bar, and in turning
back rejolnted it.
A RATHER equivocal compliment is paid
to Horace Greeley's penmanship by
Western paper that says one of his letters
looks ''as if somebody had smashed bot
tie of ink on it and tried to wipe it off with
a currycomb."
BACHELORS are always braggin of their
ings and poultiss their own shins I had
rather be widower once in two years reg
ular, than to be grunting old hair-dyed
bachelor only 80 daze.
AN assistant marshal, in taking the
census in Louisville, asked colored
woman what personal property she pos
sessed, received the sober reply, Nothing
but desc three chillen yere, an they amt
wuth much"
The ReUue des dea,G Mondes publishes
series of articles on Berlin society in
the days of Schiller and Goethe, from
which it appears that Madame de Stael
was regarded as bore by the German lit
terdtearrS.
AT a public sale of books in London,
Drew's essay on Souls" was knocked
down to a shoemaker, who, to the great
amusement of the assembly, asked the auo-
tioneer if he had any more tbooks on shoe
making to SELL"
TAKE man, from Adam down to April
Fool, 1868, and I would respectfully ask if
he amt dead beat? IL there single
pashun ov his natur up to date, that you
can take the halter ov civil law off from
and turn to grass.
AN INvINCBLE wit and punster asked the
captain of craft laden with lumber, how
he managed to get dinner on the passage
'sWhy," replied the skipper, ''we always
cook aboard" "Cook board, do you ?"
rejoined the wag; ''then I see you are we'll
supplied with provisions this trip, at all
events.
A COUNTRY GIRL once went to the city to
pay visit to one of her old and best friends;
this friend was married to rich city mer-
al,o 4 Ioo 1o,.o of Fopp 11,o nv,
etiquette, of course, the visitor was verdant
and made numerous mistakes Her friend
wished to initiate her fully into the smys-
teries," and as they were going to a large
ball, gave her the following instructions,
viz Eat one small cake and one saucer
of ice cream, and when your attendant
presses you to take more, answer that you
have masticated sufhciencv, and more
would be superhuity." Things W, Mt on
smoothly until her attendant asked her to
partake of more refreshments, when to the
horror of her friend and amusement OF the
company, she answered in a loud voice: 'I
have evaporated insuff1ciently; any more
would go fippity-toppity
Mrs. LIvERMoRE, the celebrated lady
orator, was interviewed at a railroad station
in town in Maine, where she had been
speaking the night before, by a tall, angular
spectacled woman. Mrs. Livermore was
asked: care you married woman?
eyes" Husband iving?" eyes.
''What does he do" ''Whatever he
chooses" 81 mean what does. he do for
living ?" "Whatever he chooses?" "R'ch?"
''He wouldn't say no." Him! Any chill
dren?" Eyes, two." ''How old ?" Mrs.
Livermore gave her the desired informa
ton, and she exclaimed: ''Oh l
thought there was family of little ones,
and [ thought you'd better be home tend
ing to em. You're mighty smart, but I
wanted to ask some questions. "Now,"
said Mrs. Livermore, s'who are your" The
woman told her. care you married ?"
eyes," very family. ''Is your husband
dead" "No; suppose he is in Califor
MIA; we're divorced. "Oh! and you
thought to teach me my domestic duties2"
A litter ran round the room. for the woman
had not been at all private in her CONVEX
sation, and the people in hearing seemed
quite delighted to see her so completely
squelched. She probably will not attack.a
suffragist again in 30 public manner.