Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-04-07

certain circles known as the funksr /
was encouraged, therefore, to ask with
some haughtiness whether he would Oblige
me by repeating the remark he had lately
addressed to me. lie Obliged me with q
readiness and emphasis witch slightly al
tered my opinion about his constitutional
weakness; and which almost reduced me
TO 81 awkward silence which Jones might
have misinterpreied- Fortunately, how
ever, was inspired TO make general re-
mark about the difficulty Of properly
kicking any gentleman who happens
TO be sitting upon bencE: and
the remark, Notwithstanding ie truth
and generality, so far from meet.
ing with his appreciation, caused
/ him to start mp in fury, threaten6amage
/ TO nv nose with his ieff fist, and seize nv
precious bouquet with his right hand.
Therenpon flashed across .ny mind a piece
Of advice to the effect that "the threat
ened should never wal; for accomplish
ment. but should always take the initia.
tive = and 50, maddened at the destruc.
ton which was being wrought upon my
bouquet, dashed my clenched right hand
into the face Of my adversary, who stag
gered back against tree, and left upon
NV white glove red stain.
There were shrieks from the supposed
wife and supposed mother-in-law Zone OF
them promptly scratched my face), and a
yell of delight from Jones. whose object
had probably now been accomplished,
without any inconvenience TO himself.
Nv adversary quickly recovered himself
and returned TO the attack but either /
/ had been right, after all, in my surmise
- ~ h
his knees did really tremble more than
mine), or the heather deities still inter
pose in favor Of mortal men; my burly
| opponent gave me by no means tit for tat
(though he had gloves on)-grazed me
just once upon the left temple, and on
closing was, TO my surprise, thrown fat
upon his back. He rose, and showed the
greatest inclination to test the teEacity
with which my hair was fixed upon my
head, and the consequence was that 1t was
difficult to avoid closing second time,
when down he went again on his back
(by miracle, should say and dragged
me down atop Of him. 4 should have got
up az soon 81 possible, but he seemed to
derive some incomprehensibls satisfaction
from rubbing the back Of his head to and
fro in the gravel, and holding me in tight
embrace. As We lay, | was conscious Of
rending Of garments, and in moment
there appeared on either side Of our pros
:ra:c bodies . leg, which recognized as
Jones and / could dimly perceive that
Jones was astride Of us, and was keeping
off yelling crowd by whirling round
and round his head something which l
could not distinguish.
The whole affair had lasted but a few
minutes; and now the authorities ap-
peared upon the scene; and popular opin-
ion being against me. was declared to
have been in the wrongs and was summarily
elected, after about twenty minutes enjoy
msnt OF Jones' cheerful scene" Dog
berry, with his usual sense Of justice,
would not even let me look for my hat, 80
took the liberty OF putting on my adver-
sary's, which Immediately fell down upon
my shoulders, and gave me an opportunity
Of gsuging his size.
A. soon IS we were outside the gates,
Jones showed his regard for me by pat
ting me on the shoulder, and saying,
Bravo old boy! you did remarkably
well If were you, should wait until
he comes out, and then finish the bust
ness"
Now / am by NO means what pugilists
term "glutton / considered not only
that had done remarkably we'll, but also
that had been very lucky. l was de-
plorable object TO look at, no doubt, with
my adversary's hat, which would not be
restrained from dropping right over my
head with my face covered with blood
(from the bonnet wearers scratch; with
my white tie undone, and crumpled up
like an ill-madc spill; with my shirt front
bespattered with red spots, and with one
OF the tails torn completely off my over
coat; but was personally uninjurcd, with
the exception OF the scratch, and very
slight confusion of the left temple;
whereas, considering my adversary's size,
ought 10 have been pounded 10 jelly.
/ therefore replied to Jones' kind sug
gestion, "My dear Jones, am very much
indebted TO you for To nights work, for If
had been alone, should have allowed
myself, in the most pusllanimous manner,
TO be insulted TO any extenth sort of per
sonal violence. l, therefore, cheerfully
resign to you the conclusion of the business
you are good enough to say ! have thus
far conducted successfully; be my alter
ego; wait for my adversary, finish him of,
and welcome. As for me I shall be of by
the first cab"
But that selfdenying Jones declined to
O. take my lesvings" las he put it), and in
sisted upon seeing me safe to my lodgings,
As we rode along, ! demanded Of Jones
what had become Of my bouquet, and
learned that 1t had been :" tern to smither-
eens;p and what he had whirled around
his head to keep the people of, and learned
that il was tie rent.of coat-tail, with
something heavyish in it." couldn't
tell Jones that the something heavyish !"
was the prayer book Arabella had lent me
with her name in 1t, too,) that very morn
ing, for Jones had such queer ideas Of 3
joke. He actually laughed when he told
me that the coat tail and its contents had
been torn from his hands, and, no doubt,
been carried OF as trophy by some on.
locker.
The dresded next morning came, and l
presented myself At Arabella's house.
When l followed the servant into the room
where Arabella sat, she could not have
looked more dismayed If to the simple
words, "Mr. Brown" the servant had
added, with the cholera morbus."
Whatever have you been doing" she
asked, for the scratch all across one cheek
and the confusion on the left temple told
tale Of adventure.
I fa1t inclined IN sav Up1paae ma'0m IL