Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1870-02-24

l. NNF SNAN hNt'dSA AlHllcfS MWNke
at church on warm day, so that
their unregenerated hearts may be
o touched by the preached words.
The jealous man is always hunt.
81 ing for something be doesn't ex.
peet to find, and after he has found
l. It, he is mad because he has. Heis
, always happy just in proportion as
he is miserable.
i A debating society at Lyons has
= been for some time engaged in a
discussion Of the question If
! you had to have a k'bile, where
, would you have it?' and its mem.
5ers have decided ION another fel.
low"
There is a man In Ellcnville of
such punctual habits that he carries
his watch in his coat-tail pocket, SO
as to be always "ahead Of time."-
When he SITS in church, be is gen.
orally "on time"
A little three year old. girl in
New Orleans recently astonished
her mether, who attempted to cor
rect her, by motioning her away
with her chubby little hand and
scornfully saying: "Shoo, fly,
don't bodder me p
AT New Years dinner up town,
an absent-minded guest arose and
apologized for the bad cookery and
poor wines, under the supposition
that he was at his own table, to the
great annoyance of his hostess and
the inexpressible indignation Of his
own wife.
"You never saw such a happy
lot people as we had here yester.
day" said landlady il Indiana to
a newly arrived guest; "there were
thirteen couples Of EN-" "WhatI
thirteen couples just married ?"---
I"Oh, no, sir; thirteen couples just
! divorced"
The dwellers on one of the
streets Of Memphis we're recently
startled by loud cries of murder, and
when the person from whom the
cries proceeded was found, he re-
piled to anxious inquiries that "be-
ing an orphan, having no father or
mother or other kins people, and
feeling lonely, he concluded to
gather crowd for company"
! A few Sundays since, as two Mi
! lesians, recent arrivals, were stand.
ling at the Paramount water works,
in Philadelphia, looking at the large
water wheels splashing the water
in every direction, they became
much interested and one of them
said "Mike, arn't this a quare
country, where they have to grind
their water before they can use
IitT
A well known young lawyer Oh.
Ftained a divorce for a pretty and
wealthy client. He sent in a bill
for $1,000. The next day the lady
called on him, and inquired if he
was in earnest in proposing to her.
Propose to you, Madam! didn't
propose to YOU" replied the aston
lshed attorney "Well, you asked
for my fortune an | thought you
would have race to take me
with it, was the calm reply. The
lawyer wilted.
A clergyman was preparing his
discourse for Sunday, stopping oc-
casionally to review what he had
written and to erase that which he
was disposed to disapprove, when
he was accosted by his little son,
who had numbered but five sum
mers: "Father, does God tell you
what to preach p Certainly my
child" "Then what makes you
scratch it out"
1t CHANGED one gloomy day in the
month of December that a good
humored Irishman applied to
merchant to discount a bill Of ex-
change for him at rather long,
though not at an unusual date; and
the merchant having casually re-
marked that the bill had a great
many dals to ran, That's true, re,
marked the Irishman; "but then,
my honey, you don't consider how
short the days are at this time of
the year"
In the olden. times, when pastors
spoke right out in meetin'," a
clergyman in Scituate thus address
I'd the late Mr. Bryant: "Neigh-
Dor Bryant, it is to your repoach
,hat you have disturbed the wOr-
dip by coming late, living as you
10 within mile of this place; and
especially so since here is GoOdy
3arstow, who has MIXED seven
,ows, made a cheese, and walked
i've miles to the house of God in
rood season."
"The stories you have been tell
ng," said stage driver to crowd
IF farmers who had been Dragging
If their wonderful crops, "show
some mighty fine cultivation, but
hink | can beat you. | have an
lnnt and her daughter, in Westfeld,
Connecticut, who own about half
IN acre of land This land these
wo women prepared, and planted
t with onion seed, and how many
.nions do you think they got from
t?" Many were the guesses, from
i've to fifty bushels, and all the in
idents and chances of onion rails
ng discussed, when the one who
,FOnOupcnd the question was ask