The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1870-11-18
HUMORS OF The DAT.

GOOD name for an auctionccrs wife
-Biddy.
Every unmarried lady Of 10 has
passed the Point OF Good Hope.
Ayoung lady once blew her lover
out of doors, and kissed the candle.
Why are good resolutions like faint
ing ladies? They want carrying out.
Hanging in Montana is styled
climbing the pine limb and in Ne
vada early rising
A young man who is desperately i'm
love says that he has been electrified
with Il gal-vanic battery.
There is a forlorn individual in
town whose credit is so bad that he
can't even borrow trouble.
Cant We make your lover jealous
miss" "Oh, yes, sir, | think we.can
if VIC put our heads together"
In battle the common soldier
shoulders the musket, and the officer
in command shoulders the response
bility.
A man who bumps his head against
that of his neighbor isn't apt TO think
that two heads are better than one.
Stupid people may eat, but shouldn't
talk. Their mouths will do well
enough as banks of deposit, but ot of
issue.
A poet says: Oh she was fair, but
sorrow came and left its traces there!
What became of the remainder of the
harness he does not state.
what is il that sticketh closer than
a brother" said a Sunday school
teacher 10 one of his class. "A post
agc stamp by gum said the incorrigi-
bic youth.
ga veteran topper says there's n
thing that was never seen ''comin'
thro' the rye and that is the whiskey
one gets nowadays. Right, begor-
rah.
A little fellow going TO church for
tho first time where the pews were
very high, said OH coming out, Il went
into a cupboard and took a scat on
the shelf"
A gentleman named Brown once
observed i'm company that Inc had
toasted a lady for twelve mouths, and
vet had little hopes of ver making
her Brown.
What was Adams religious belief?
Evangelical. An absurd old bachelor
suggests that he probably changed his
belief when Eve began to raise Cain
with him.
An afflicted husband was returning
from the funeral of his wife, when a
friend asked him how he was, "well,
said he pathctically, 81 think l feel
better for that little walk"
A man who attempted TO look out
of a car window in north Vermont
the other day while meeting a train
Oh the second track has advertised for
n patent nose and if possible whole
face.
A lifted swain spitcfully says: "Eve
did not know as much rs her daugh-
tiers of the present day. Had they
been i'm her place Instead of being de-
ccived, they would have deceived the
devil"
:. {. Knott and a. ". Shot fought
i duel. The result was thai they
changed conditions. Knott was shot
and Shott was moi. IL was better to
he Shott than Knott.
4 person in prison was asked by a
friend what it was for. For telling
lies" he replied. Telling lies. how
is that 2" demanded the other. why
telling people l would pay 'em and
not keeping my word.
When Mrs. Jones chided her daugh-
Ter for allowing Young men TO throw
kisses at her, Mary Ann declared that
she was quite aware of the improprie-
ty and never had a kiss thrown at her
that she did not throw it back.
In discussion, some doubts were
raised whether Eve was from "a
bone" A poetical lady thereupon
remarked swell, if Eve was so form
ed it must have been from the bone
of contention"
A Young lady at a fashionable din
uer party pestered DIR. johnson with
aconundrum--a thing which the bluff
old Tphilosophor utterly disliked.
aWby is the letter J like the end of
spriny DOCTOR Ofcourse the doctor
couldn't tell. because it's the begin
ming of june" was the solution.
"Now miss, will you tell me why the
letter X is like a pigs tailY" The
Young lady had to give up. Because
It's the end of pork, miss The doc
Tor was troubled no more with
cougadrun!s.