Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1870-03-29
Lunch for Hst 21a09'lsts.

Would it be proper to call an award for dam
ages ourt-plaster? -.
Figaro says that man wants but little ear be-
low nor wants that little long. Jo9
The medical schools are now discussing the
question whittier black man can have a white
swelling.
sod Sedge" was invented by Nebuchad-
nezzar. H. got his living on "all fOurs' Tor
seven years.
An old bachelor is traveller on life's rail-
road, who has entirely failed to make the prop
er connections.
The story of man who had nose so large
that he couldn't blow it without the use of gun
powder, is said to be hoax.
A sick man was told that nothing could cure
him but quart of catnip tea. Then [ must
die" said he, ''for don't hold but pint. !" &
The ESauimaux say "a man who has three
wives in this world is sure of Heaven in the
next" He ought to find peace somewhere
An intoxicated Individual who was discovered
in "a Pennsylvania graveyard, assured the sex
ton who took him in charge that he was not
drunk, but petrifed giant. . 7q
-"How could God make woman out of
rib. papa?'' Il don't know, my child it was
q miracle All the questions you can't an
swer you call miracles, don you, papa p
At recent lecture Professor X stated that
Saturn had ring six thousand miles broad
"Be iabers," exclaimed an Irishman who was
present, what finger he must have
ttAnd Satan smote Job with boils' is now
rendered: And Satan Smote job with cir
cumscribed simultaneous inhammations, char
acterized by pointed tumors, and suppurating
with central sores.
An old farmer, whose son had died lately,
was visited by neighbor. who began to condole
the father; mo such thing; it was his own
loss-he was of age. p"
A young lady from the rural districts went
to Des Moiues to see the elephant. In the
street cars the conductor said to her, Miss,
your fire - well. if am, replied she, Il
doa want any of your impertinence..
Touching and irresistible was that invitation
Of the rustic maiden to her swain: Come over
and see me; We have a new lamp at our house,
that We can turn down. down, down, until there
isn't scarcely bic of light in the room
In I,wa, merchant sent dunning letter te
aman, wlo replied by return mail You say
you are holding to my note yet That is al
to it, aud If you fud your hands slipping, spi,
on them and try again..
il A disagreeabe old bachelor, being rallied on
his matrimonial prospects with, don despair
there are az good 6>h in the sea as ever were
caught. you know" replied Yes, | know
but somehow it seems to me that they dom
bite as they used to do. rrr-
Somewhere in the West, knight of the
latfer aud brush was performing the operation
of shaving with vers dull razor. Stop, that
won't do, said the sufferer. What de mat
ter, bo,s?' That razor pulls ~ well, nc
matter. for dat, sab if de handle OBJ de razor
don't break, de beard 8 bound to come of.
q Little Willie having hunted in all the corners
for his shoes, at last appears TO give them up
and climbing on chair, betakes himself to 9
big book lying on the siderable Mother say:
to him: "What is the darling doing with The
book ? 18th the dictionary; papa lookth ir
the dictionary for things and [ am looking &c
see if [ can find my shoes.
eaW We were somewhat amused, not long since
at conversation between planter and mig.
ger. just a. we were passing, we overheard
the planter tell the freedman that he wond
give him all that he could make, furnish him
with mule to pillow. horse TO ride on Sunday
and $50 besides. The negry hung his head, as
IN brown study, for moment, and hen look
ing up, replied: Cant do dat I done hear
better'n dat las year.
Know ye the printer hour of peace Know
We an hour more fraught with JOY than ever fell
the Maid of Greece when kissed by Venus am
orous boy? It's not when news of soIem,
note, his columns all with sadness gil, nor We
when brother printers quote the effusion of hi
blunt worn quill. But D, tbs when the wealth
ers fair. or clad in rain, or hail, or vapor, I've
come to pay you for your paper. q haaa2
In FoG.-A few years ago. there lived i:
the town of -, a son of Judge B., whom ",
will call Joe, who frequently imbibed more thar
he could comfortably carry There also resided
In the nelghborhood planter named W., who
kept saloon. Now, w. was great practca
joker. On one occasion Joe came into W, ;,
saloon and rather early in the morning cot yer,
much intoxicated and finally fell asleep in hi
chair. - HF1
Joe was near-sighted, and always wore specs
After ne had slept some time, W. took hi
specs, BACKED the glasses, put them back again
lighted the lamps, and then awoke Joe, TELLING
him that 1t was about twelve o'clock at night
and he wanted 50 shut up. Joe started. and
remarked that he had slept for some time w
a,s"Joe, it is very dark. and if you will bring il
back again, will lend you lantern" ?
w. lighted lantern. gave it to Joe, and
ne PEI nun up stars. Joe went off home, III
wan street In the middle of the day, with
his Ia afern, every body looking at him and
wondering what was the matter
RYE.-The following good story i th,a l., ,
gentleman who went to visit some friends in
Iowa: TIE tanliiy Consisted ofstba II, u ~