The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1870-10-20
AAIOEIIIES.
Newspaper Subscribers.

The following sketch is a graphic
description of the several classes of
newspaper subscribers.
First come the
UPRIGHTs.-These are men who
take newspapers, pay for them, and
read them. Observe the order in
which these things arc done: The pay
comes first-tbe reading next. These
men consider they get the worth of
their money in the bargain. 1t seems
as fair and just to them that the news
papers should be paid for as a barrel
of sugar or a new coat. They never
entertain any other opinion. When
the year runs out, or little before,
they are on hand with the pay. There
is no more difficulty with them in re-
membering this period, than Sunday
or the first of January. If one eOf them
wishes to stop his paper, he either
calls or writes letter by his pOstmas-
ter, in due season, like a man. This
class is dear to the heart of the editor.
Their image is embalmed in his warm
affections. May they live thousand
years, and see their sons SONS to the
fourth generation.
The second class now in mind is
the
DO WELLs.-This class is nearly
related to the other-so near, that it
is hard to tell where the one hegins
and the other ends. These men al
ways pay in advance in the begin
ming, and intend to do so continually.
But memory fails little, or some
mishap intervsnes, and the time runs
by-sometimes a little-sOmetimes
for quite a period. But their recol-
lection, thoughEnodding occasionally,
never gets sound asleep. 1t pronounc-
es the word in due time-Hrhe print
er is not paid;n AMI forthwith their
will to do well kindles into activity.
Now comes the paying up-''Meant
to do so before. Don't mean to let
such things pass by" A publisher
can live with such men. They have
a warm place in his memory-Only a
little back of the Uprights. If suoh a
man dies IN arrears, his wife or son
remembers that he may not have
paid up for his newspaper, and forth
with Institutes inquiries. They re-
member that part of the benefit was
theirs, and, estate or no. estate, see
that the printers bills ara not among
their fathers unsettled accounts.
Next come the
EASY DOERs.-These men believe
in newspapers. They have fully set
tied it in their own minds that a
newspaper is 8 good thing. They
take them, too. Sometimes at the
first they pay up for the first year
at any rate they mean to, pretty soon,
If they have done so, they sit down
with the comforting conviction that
their newspaper is now settled for
and this idea having once got into
their heads, refuses obstinately to be
dislOdged, but keeps its hold from
year to year; a truth onee-now an
Illusion, grey and rheumatic with
wears. The editor, marking the
elongated and elongating space in the
accounts current of their dollars, be-
gins to ask if they are dead or have
gone to California. Now he begins tC
poke bills at them. They suddenly
start up to the reality that they are in
arrears; and, like men, as they are al
the bottom, pay up. They never dis
pute his hills-they know books, tel
DELlEI bNGl4Cs AAldAA AnOdo Wv GANe
memories. If the publisher has faitt
enough, or long purse, and can live
ike a alternating bear, he may sur
vive this class. But if he is mOrta
only, woe be to him.
The next class is that of the
Down HILLERS.-Here We begin L
slide over to the other side. The pic
ture suddenly gets sOmbre. W.
shall dispatch the Down Killers sud
/ denly. One of these may take a pa
I per because wife wants one, or thl
/ children are jealous to read il, or ;
neighbor persuades him. When j
begins to come, he dismisses al
thoughts about it further. If the edi
tor sends a man directly to him at tn
end of two or three years, he ma!
get some pay for the paper, but witt
growls and surly looks. He neve
paws any debt if he can get rid of it
| and a newspaper least Of all. Still m
hates lawsuits, and eonstables, ant
all that. A dun has the same eftec
on him that bullet has on a hippo
potamus-glancing from his hide, o
. sinking into the blubber harmless
He is always sliding down hill, ant
soon merges into another class, tina
of
THE NIX CUM RoUsE.-NO matte
how this man began his subscription
he never pays for it-not he. H
don't like that sort Ofpaper. II don
( give no news. He never did like II
/ He didn't want it in the first plac,
and told the postmaster 30. He ssn