The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1870-05-06
Wfif attS 4uulur.

Wit ans 4umur.
---A seedy fellow--a gardener.
- A legal notice. A lawyers sign.
-. The lords OF creation the land
Srds.
- A well of the first water-the
ocean.
- The liquor What'll
YOU takel
- Centenarian-a fellow who has
nary cent.
- The person who found his
match has since struck It.
- He who assumes airs of impoi :
lance exhibits his aedsnlial of nsig-
nificance.
- A very greedy boy--the one who
recently took tiic laeasies from his lit
tie sister.
- Dinner tor nothing is good fun;
but yoii can cay rs much OF nothing
for dinner.
- Where did Joseph go When he
was fifteen years OF age! Into his six
teenth year.
----- "Can you return my love, my
dearest j ulia?" "Cersaialy, sir; do
not want it, am sure"
Jake lend me ten dollars till 1
sell my deg?' Jake replied soothing
~ and alphabetically. 'Oh Jun |
wouldn't sell him.
- An Iowa woman, on receiving a
decree of divorce in the courtroom,
found new husband awaiting her,
with licSpss IN his pocket, at the
door.
- In AFRICA, If any one comes be-
fore king wit tout = full-dress costume
--that is II straw hat and ring in the
nose--his head goes into the waste bas-
ket before he can wink twice,
- A country editor backs his
rooster as the best erow-Iiometei in the
neighborhood. He has never had to
set ii since it has been in sbis possess
sioli. D.. you wind HIM up?
- A Virginia planter whose sheep
disappeared very mysterionsly, 'watcll-
ed his ilocks by night with |. shot gun.
Next day the doctor WAS busy picking
bueksllpt out of the Fifteenth Amend
menl,
-"Who," asks correspondent a.
bout starting West, "are the leading
public men OF Wyoming?" We be
leve the territory has no public men
Everything there is controlled by the
women.
-"W hat makes you SO grum,
Tom?"
'.Oh, have had to endure sad trial
Of my feelings"
NV hat on earth was p"
Why, ! had 10 tie on pretty girls
bonnet while ner masNas looking uu."
At Madison. Wis, a man caught
creditor who owed him eleven dol
lars since liie food, and choked him
iill his false teeth como out, which he
KEPT. The poor victim was going n
round next day trving 20 swear through
his gums.
- There is nothing purer than
honesty, nothing sweeter than charity.
nothing warmer than love, nothing
brighter than virtue, nothing more
steadtast than faith. These. united in
ono mind. term the purest, the sweet
est. lie richest the brightest. the holt
est aud the most steadtast faith.
-. is not In the bright days, but |
onlyAin the solemn night that other |
worlds 49, to b.. seen shining in the
long distance. Aud it il IL SORROW
the night OF the soul--that we sec the
iarthcsf, aud know ourselves natives OF I
iniinity and sons and daughters OF the
Most High.
--- a brow beating counsel asked
Witness aOw tar lie tad been from y
certain place. Just four yards. two
feet and ak inches,' WAS the reply.
allow came YOU to be SO exact. my
iriendy" "Bcc1use expected some
fool or ether would ask me, SO | meas
ured it,
- A Chinese widow being found
the grave of her husband. was
asked why she performed SO singular
an operation. She said she had prom
ised not TO marry while the e ave re-
manned damp. and that as il dried very
slowly, she saw no harm in assisting
the progress.
- A simple fellow once said OF
famous beauty, IL could have eourted
and married her easy enough il I'd
wanted to-" Aud prsy Why didn't
you :" asked his friend. "Oh, when
began TO court her, ron See she took
me on on1 side and politely asked to
be excused. and SCI | excused her." I
- Two Georgia niggers went into
. steam mill and closed the valves OF 6
he engine, and built.a hot fire, just to !
how the proprietor that the c0loreJ
people knew something after all, about s
team. They were raked together and
10Th buried i'll one grave. Niiggers
better stick to mule power, which Is !
-eam enough for ttem. I
A Western editor accepts chal-
enge to mortal combat, but attaches +
hereto the following conditions not
aid down in the cole Each chap
hall sIt on leg OF powder with ten !,
eet fuse running from each others
eat of state. At signal each to fire
he others fuse as quick rs he can with
N old-fasilloned flint and steel.
- Babies. The delight of DAYS, =
hestorment of the night; elegant in
MI dress, but horrible in dishabille; :
beautiful OH the smile, but maddenimg
N the.yell; exqu:sitely IN place in the :
lnrfery, but awfully out of plocc in the
'arioI or railway carriage; the we'll {
prinss of delight. aud the recipients !
I unlimited spankingS; the glory OF i
pa the happiness of NAV o a
Vouldn't have 'em