South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1870-09-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

YeF, my lord, the air would be good e.
Dough, if | could live upon it."
rS>If as Lucy STONE says, "the cradle
is the woman's ballot box" there has got
to be law passed in Indiana against ore.
peating." A woman there has lust cast
three votes at once
a SUcKER.-A good one is told on a
census taker, who was green enough to ask
negro woman what was tho occupation of
little two year old child she had in her
arms. She replied that it was sucker
ES-Why is a greenhorn like fish
Because he bites at anything.
ES'The Lowell Courier says the great
trouble with wine is that so little of it is
genuine.
ESIt may be said of too many of our
public men that they arc last in war, last
in peace, but first in the pockets Of their
countrymen.
cay-A Jersey editor, commenting on the
title of new book, Only a Girl asks,
well, what did they want, twins p
EE-The war correspondent of the Pan.
Mall Gazette calls England that country of
iirst-ratc frogs and second-h sermons.
Gs-A boarding house in Boston advcr
tises that -four Christian young men are
wanted, who neither chew, smoke, spit, nor
swear
A POWERFUL INSECT. The tendency of
soldiers to grotesquc exaggeration is we'll
illustrated by the remark of one of them
concerning that greatest pest of the camp
which the dictionaries denominate a small
insect Of the genus pedicu7us' 1 presume
every army in history has been annoyed by
this atomy, but think none suffered from
it and made it the subject Of habitual lest
before the armies Of our late war. As in
the case of every other source of vexation.
the men grumbled at it, philosophical over
it and laughed at it.
Il could bear the little fellows, and say
nothing about them | heard dry joker
in blue say to his comrades at reveillo roll
call one morning 'but such monsters as
there are in this camp. Why, l woke up
last night and saw one of these creoters sit
ting at the foot of my bunk lie had his
back to me, and there was great T. S. A.
on it but when he turned round-great
Scott what dye think he was doing?'
Eating bareback, suggested one, with
wink
Smoking your pipe put in another
mo, he wasn't; he was picking his teeth
with my bayonot Prom Waits iron,
Flcld, camp and Garrisoa, IA, Lippjn-
coHs Magazine for September.
Es-Thcro is not only good degree of
characteristic oddity and humor in the sub
joined anccdoto of the celebrated Rev Row.
land Hill, but it contains besides a lesson
IN heahh, which is worthy of the conside-
ration of all persons of sedentary habits OF
associations at least:
Rowland Hill used to ride a good deal,
and bY crcycise, he always preserved vigor-
Gus health. On one occasion, when asked
by medical friend what physician and a.
poihccary he employed, he replied
My physician has always been a horse,
anu my dpOtbtCdIy du NSS ID.
Not personally complimentary, perhaps,
to either profession, but at the same time
conveying practice which each would I'M
doubtc1ly recommend to a friend who was
patient and a customer
A M1sTAKE.-A certain political speak
or was addressing large audience in Vir-
ginia, and descanting vchcmeutly against
prescription Of foreigners, when his eye fell
upon little German jew, peddler of
ready-madc clothing, who seemed to be We.
ry much impressed with the argument Of
the orator, grocdily swallowing everything
he uttered This was too good an oppor.
tunity not TO make tho best Of, aud looking
'hc pcdlcr full in the eye, he exclaimed:
Furrincr, didn't you come to this coun-
try to escape from the tyranuical, down.
troddcn and oppressed Of Europe? Didn't
you fec to these happy shores to 1.-Two in n
land Of freedom, whore The great right of
suffrage is guaranteed to all didn't you,
furrncrH
lie paused FOR O reply, when the little
p-dJlcr squoakcd ou,
No, sir; / comes to dis country to sell
sheep roady.madc clothing
The establishment Of tho orator. and the
bouts aud roars Of tho multitude, cannot
le described. This finished the barancuo.