Tama County Republican. (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1867-1872, 1870-11-03

my hous keeper was a spinster."
"Therel''' cried Sam, "now you're
satisfied. You hear she's spinster." !"
"a wotg" said his father, with
deep scorn.
"A spinstcr,' replied Sam.
Mr. Weller looked very hard at
his son Tor minute or two, and then
said
"Nevcr mind vcther she makes
Jokes or not, that's no matter; Wot
! say is, is that ere female widder,
or Is che Rot!'
i"Wot do you mean by her making
)okesw demanded SAM, quite aghast
at the obscurity of his parents
speech.
Never you mind, Samivel,r re-
turned Mr., Weller, gravcly; "puns
may be very good things or they
may be very bad 'uns, and q female
may be none the better or she may
be none the vurse for making of 'e,p;
that's got nothing to do With wild.
ders.'' f
\ ''Wy now,s said Sam, looking
rouno, 'swould anybody pelieve as q
man at his time O. life could be q
running his head ayin spinsters aud
punsters being the same thing?"
There amt q s,raws difference
between -'em." said Mr.. Weller.
"Your father didn't drive q coach icr
80 many years, not to be ekal to his
own langvidge as lar as that goes,
Sammy"
Avoiding the question OF ety,nolo
gy, upon which the old gentleman's
mind was quite made up, he was sew
eral times assured that the house
keeper had never been married. He
expressed great satisfaction on hear
ing this, and apologized for the ques
ton, remarking that he had been
greatly terrified by . widow not long
before. and that his natural tinlidity
was increased in consequence.
1T wos on the rail-" said Mr..
Weller, with strong emphasis II
was goln' down to Birmingham by
rail, aud I was locked up in a close
carralge With : Ewing widd.r. Alone
we wos; the widder and me wos
alone; and / believe it wos only be-
cause we wos alone aud there wos
no clergyman in the conveyance,
that that ere widder didn't marry
me a!orc We reached the half way
staten. Ven l think how she began
a screaming as We wos q goin' under
them tunnels N the dark-how she
kept on q taintin' and kctchin' hold
O mc-and how / tried to bust the
door as was tight-locked and pre-.
vented all escape-Ah? It was q
awful thing, most awfu:!"
Mr.. Weller was so very much
overcome by the retrospect that he
was unable, until he had wipe bis
brow several times, to return any re-
ply TO the question whether he ap-
proved OF railway comma;.ication,
notwithstanding that it would ap-
pear from the answer which he ulti-
lnately gave, that he entertained
strong opinions on the subject.
Il con siier,n said MIR. Weller,
that the raiTis UNCONSTITUTIONAL and
an inwad, r o privileges, and should
very much like to know what that
ere old Carter as once stood up for
our liberties and wun 'eln tool
should like to know wot he would
say it he wos alive now, to English
men being locked up with widders,
Or with anybody, again their wills.
Wot old Carter would have said, .
old Coachman may say, and l as
selt that in that pint o view alone,
the rail is an invader. As to COM
fort, vere's the comfort o sitting in
harm cheer Iookin' at brick walls
or heaps O. mud, never comm to o
pablic house, never seein' glass o
ale, never goin' through pike, new.
er meetin' a change O no kind
Qorses OF othcrvise), but always COM
in to place, ven you come to one
at all, the very picter o the last
With the, same plecsemen standing
about. the saline blessed old bell .
ringin', the same unfortunate people
standing behind bars, a wa;tin' to bs
let in; and everthin' the same ex
cept the name, With is wrote up in
the same sized letters as last name
and With the same colors. As to
honor and dignity o travellin', we're
can that be without a coachman; and
wots the rail to sich coachmcn and
guards as is sometimes forced to GO
by It, but a outrage and a insult? As
to the pace, wot sort O. pace do you
think l, Tony Weller. could have
kept coach goin' at, for five hun
dred thousand pounds mile, paid
in advance afore the coach was on
the road? And as to the ingein-a
nasty, wheezin', creaking, gasping,
putin, Dustin monster, always out o
breath, With shiny green and gold
back, like unpleasant beetle in that
ere gas magnitier-as to the ingcin
as is always a pourin' out red hot
Goals at night, and black smoke in
the day, the sensiblest thing it does
in my opinion, Is, ven there's some
thin in the way and it sets up that
ere frightful scream vich seems to
say, Now here's two hundred and
forty passengers in the very great
est extremity O. danger, and here's
their two hundred and forty screams
in From Dickcns's Master
Humphreys Clock, reprinted BY
HURD AND HOUGHrON.
A nice little boy in Pittsburg
went to the circus the other day, and
amused himself throwing stones at
the elephant while he was drinking.
When he got through the boy tried tn
propitate him by offering him piece
Of gingerbread. Before accepting
tho cake, tho elephant emptied about