The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1870-08-11
JUST FOR FUN.
Hard to beat-Carpets.

1dEu W DedI-SdIp6ln'
The way to treat a man of doubtful
credit is to take no note Of him.
What is that which by losing an eye
has nothing but nose leftf-A noise
"Every man his own angel" is the
way the new flying machine has been
announced.
A new Partisan dictionary defines
chess as a humane substitute for hard
labor fE t.-.'
"No, | am not lazy" said vagabond
on hot days but you see, | was born
tired"
An old Greenland seaman said he
could really believe that crocodiles shed
tears, Tor be had often seen whales
blubber.
1t is said that the reason there are so
many muttonheads in existence is to be
found in the fact that such number OF
children are "perfect little lambs"
Since the death of Noah Webster one
thousand slang words have become a
part of the language of America. A
sad result of his demise.
Some ingenious hiped has machine
to make man rise early in the morn
ing. A young Benedict says a six
months. old baby can beat it to death
Who can blame men for not wanting
to hold babies, when they read that at
Prescott, Massachusetts, on Tuesday
night, J. G. Smith, while holding
baby, fell dead from his chair?
DR.. Whitefeld was accused of ram
bling in his dscourses, by one of his
hearers, to which he replied: eff you
will wander to the devil, | must rambIe
after you"
At spiritual circle the other evening
a gentleman requested the medium to
ask what amusement was most popular
in the spiritual world. The reply was,
"Reading our own obituary notices"
A California law-maker, more accus-
toned to the arts and phrases of poker
than to the parliamentary usages ofleg-
islative halls, once seconded a motion by
saying, Mr. Speaker, l straddle that
blind"
A paper encourages the young by the
example of "youth who formerly lived
in a hovel, yet, withonly his two hands
and a crowbar, opened a jewelry store ;
and now he is living in a large stone
residence at Sing Sing.
A rheumatic old gentleman protested
to the clerk of the hotel that he did not
like ascending to room in the four
teenth story. Said he, very logically :
"Because | am rheumatic, it does moi
follow that / should have an attic room. u
He was given room nearer the earth
A chemist in Albany, while expatia.
tiating on the discoveries of chemical
science, announced that snow possessed
considerable heat. An Irishman pres
cnt said chemistry must be a valuable
science, and asked the lecturer how
many snow-balls it would require to boi
a tea. kettle.
The latest arrival in the household
of the Prince and Princess Christian is
briefly named Victoria Louise Sophie
Augusta Amelia Helena. Why heI
christeners stopped there, unless fol
want of breath, Is inexplicable. They
might have added Bridget MehitablC
Hepsibah Abigail without mourning any
extra expense,
John Wilkes was once asked by 8
Roman Catholic gentleman, in warn
dispute on religion - "Where wal
your church before Luther ?" "Did
you wash your face this morning 7" in.
qmred the facetious clergyman. 81
did sir" "Then, pray, where was your
face before it was washed 7"
Some boys at Chicago dropped an
anvil weighing two hundred pounds oul
of fourth story window on tho head
of an African who was passing, when
he had them arrested. He said: "Tse
willin' dat boys shall have dar fun, but
when dey jam gemman's hat down
ober his eyes, and spile it in dat way