The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1870-07-08
5lsisfellaup.

A COUNTRY pedagoguc had two pupils
to one of whom he was partial, ana .
the othe, severe. One morning it hap
pcned that these two boys were late ant
were called upto account for it..
nYou must have heard the bell, boys
why did you not come y i,
;sPlease, SIR" said the favorite, q
was dreamin' that was goin' to Cali
fornia. and / thought the school bell was
the steamboat bell, as | was goin' in"
every WE'LL" said the master, glad Of
any pretext to excuse his favorite.--
nknd now sir" turning to the other,
"what have you to say ~
..Please, sir" said the puzzled boy,
T-I-was waiting to see Tom OFF,
sNIassa's berry sick-dc doctor says
he can't lib mo- dan two, three, four days
longer |" exclaimed Pete Snow, with a
sad countenance. :
"Berry sorry for you, Pete, but &C
best of massas will die, dat aW -
dar amt no help for DEM >Nhafan'
de particular dia soxsnso OBJ his CASE
Pete 7"
"De doctcs%say he haB got t'eo-6"c%-
les on his lungs ali tu-n'0re on his stumlc;
den he habs digestion OBJ de brain, a
palpitation OBJ parliamentary canawl, an
de hydrofogy in de kid-knees, an sum-
fin or order am de matter in de region
oh de oizzard Oh it am a dredful
case"
Josh Billings says: The LATEST man
thati kan think ov now, was Israel Dun
bar, of iBillingsvillee. He dried up
new mich COW in milkin her 3 times,
and planted an aker of beans, last spring,
awl in one hill. He il 40 years old,
and hain't had the meazles yet; he has
always bin too lazy tcw ketch them
He had one son, who was jist him. This
boy died when he waz IS years old, in
crossing orn-feld the punkin->ines
took after him and smothered him to
death.
SELF-RELIANcE.-Thc success Of indi-
viduals in life is greater owing to their
early learning TO depend on their own
resources. Money, or the expectation
oft by Inheritance, has ruined more
men than the want of it ever did. Teach
young men to rely upon their own efforts,
to be frugal and Industrious, and you
have furnished them with productive
capital which no man can ever rest from
them.
"Sambo, whar you get dat watch you
wore to meetin' lass Sunday ?"
GLOW you know hab watch? ?"
"Because | seed the chain hang out
the pocket in 'front.'"
eco away, niger, 'sposc you see a
halter round my neck, you think dar is
a horse inside OBJ me ~
A Startling Epitaph.-A tombstone
in South Carolina cemetery was re-
Gently made conspicuous by some wag
who painted on it the following lines:
"Here lieth the body of jeremiah Gordon,
With mouth almighty and teeth accordin'
Tread lightly, stranger, Der this wonder,
For ifhe opens his mouth, you're gone, by thun-
der"
Some time since 4 gentleman died,
who during his life refused to believe in
another world. Two or three weeks af-
ter his demise, his wife received through
q medium a communication, which read
ms follows: ''Dcar Wife, now believe.
Please send me my thin clothes"
An auctioneer exclaimed "Why, real
ly, ladies and gentlemen, | am giving
these things away" care you 2" said
an old lady present, "wcll, III thank
you for that silver pitcher you have in
your hand"
"Patrick, will you take your steak
rare or well done :" Well done, if we
place, for it was rare enough got it in
the ould country"
Burlington, Iowa, has q female citi-
zen who has so far advanced Abward the
equality of rights between. the sexes,
that she goes to the barber's to be shay
ed.
Much more Appropriated gentle
man It few days ago said to a young lady
who had Just returned from the seaside,
"I'm delighted to see you'cr back
or rather your face-again."
A Hoboken editor, on being challeng-
ed to fight duel, or sword fight, sent
word in reply, "When | want to die
can shoot myself"
=. A young NJ. D., having asked per
. mission of girl to kiss her, she replied
"No, thank you; / never like doctor