The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-10-09

"a cool atfair---stealingiee. !,


can have, but it is the worst. cloak.
Why are teeth like verbsP Because they
are regular, irregular aud defective.
Raining pitchforks is bad, but "hailing
omnibuses y is worse, says an old joker.
If were married, what river would my
wife and be like Meander (me and her).
~ If prayer does not cause US to leave off
SHINING, SHINING will soon make us leave off
/ praying.
It is only by labor that thought can be
made health, and only by thought that laz>
Dor can be made happy. ~
h Three Railroad Gauges. - Trains/ are
] made for the broad gauge, the narrow
Z gauge, and the luggage.
" Deacon" said minister, after heavy
sermon, " Pm very tired" ~ Indeed" re-
piled the deacon; 'stheD,5ou know how to
pity u.s."
There are two reasons why some people
don't mind their/own business. One is,
that they have 10 business, and the second,
that they haye no mind.
Hungry diner" Trouble you for some
/ more brsad, landlord. l always eat good
deal Of bread with my meat" Landlord
With your bread"
4 A young gentlemen sent rs cents to New
York, recently, for method of writing
without pen or ink. He received the fol-
lowing lnScrlptlOn, IN large type, on O
card, +" Write with a pencil"
Sylvanus Cobb, Jr.. they say, sleeps
fourteen hours out of the twenty four. A
society is organizing for the purpose of in
ducing him to sleep the other ten, so that
he can't write any more stories.
An Ohio youth, sitting in church, mis-
srstook the gentlestouch of the plume on the
jaunty hat of young lady for fly on his
neck, and with the energy of transportation
MIN hat oh Hxir,
distant pew.
A country doctor is so penurious that
when he goes to make visit in the country
he takes Il hen in his gig to eat up tie oats
his horse scattcrs when eating. The hen
knows her busipess SO well that she gets
right out and goes to work without being
told.
stroll before breakfast on the first Sunday
he was there; and, after walking down IA
dozen blocks, was accOsted by Il shabby
looking individual with: " You needn't
look any further, there amt ID saloon
OPEN"
A gentleman inquired of an humble Hi
bernian the reason why his countrymen are
so apt to make bulls. I'm tell you that,
your honor,n replied the Hibernian. awe
never make bulls in our own language; it
is when we speak English that we do it; so,
your honor, they are English bulls, not
Irish"
Fathers, provoke not your children, lest
they be discouraged. He who always finds
fault with child, who is never satisfied
with what he does, who scolds aud trcts
and complains, let him do he will
breaks his spirit, and soon destroys, in the
delicate texture of his soul, all desire OF
doing we'll.
A well-known lawyer in Boston had q
horse that always stopped and refused t,
fh<s mi la m hr; paI lea U II uf he
city. No whipping, no urging, would in
duce him to cross without stopping. So he
advertised hun" To be sold, for no Other
reason than that the owner wants to g
out of :he city"
At time when the beautiful picture OF
the "Court of Death" was exhibited in
Boston, the painter sent the late Dr. Os-
good ticket, on which was written, cad
NIT the bearer to the Court of Death" The
old gentleman, having never heard of the
picture, was utterly COMPOUNDED. 81 ex-
pected to go before longs" but"1 was not
prepared for so abrupt IL summons"
A cSyuntryuan stopped at the Maxwell
House, Nashville, for dinner. The waiter
INQUIRED what he would have, and was tolC
by the countrymcn to bring something
, of what he had" The waiter brought hin
a regular dinner upon small dishes as ii
the usual form, and set them around hit
plate. The countryman surveyed then
carefully for "a moment and then broke out
"Well, like your samples, now bring mt
dinner"
An English nobleman once sent hisstu
pid son to Rowland Hill, in order that III
might be educated, accompanied by IL note
in which the father said of his hopeful son
= 81 am confident chat he has talents, bu
they are hidden under a napkin" The &c
centric but shire wd divine kept the youth
few weeks under his care, but then sen
him back to his father with the followin.
laconic message: +" have shaken the nap
kin at all corners, and find nothing in it,
Formerly members of Parliament hat
the privilege of franking letters sent b.
post. When this was so, sender on ont
occasion applied to the Post Office to know
why some of his franked letters had beer
charged He was told that the name on tn
letter did not appear to be in his hand
writing. alt was not, "ohe replied, "pre
cisely the same; but the truth Is, happen
ed to be little tipsy when L franke'
them.n "Then, sir, will You be so goo'
in future as to write drunk when you max
Free" -,
The Servant of the Observation-Disclosures
Susan, I'm writing to Mary Ham Miggs
She've applied to me for the character o
INV late Missus, which she's thinkin' o
takin' the sitiwation." Susan" Will yo'
give her ope9" Cook" Well, I've salt
This: (reads) Mrs. Perksits presents he
complimiuks to Miss Miggs, and begs t.
inform her that l consider Mrs. Brown
respeck' Fable young person, and one a
knows her dootes but she can't conshens
hart tanner. which | had t