Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1870-02-16
THE CHRONICLE.
Miscellaneous HENS.

E@ SAAAAA IA - AAANA
sie-bOok? She is full of airs.
What is the first thing a lady doe
when she falls into the water? Sh
gets wet.
A lady appeared at a fancy ball a
Availability. Her husband didn't rec
ognize her.
Why is a prosy preacher like tn
middle of a wheel? Because the fel
lows around him are tired.
Nearly every evil has its compensa
ton. If a man has but one foot, h
never treads on his own toes.
Anna Dickinson says her highes
ambition is TO become an NJ. G. Moth
er of children, we suppose.
If beauty draws by a single hair, ,
how irresistible some of the wOmeI
must be who wear q bushel basket
full.
When We're there only three vowel
in the alphabet? Before U and
were thought of.
Why may the popular felt hats b,
called wide-awake? Because they
never had a nap.
Why are kisses like creation? Be
cause they are made out of nothing
and are all very good.
CURE FOR CHILBLAINs.-Hold the
feet in hot water in which potatoe:
have been boiled, and it will surely
cure chilblains so says a correspond.
ent.
Sentimental youth. "My dear girl
will you share my lot for life ?n Prac.
teal girl. "HOw large is your lot,
sir ?"
A gentleman's horses, when they
run away from him, are "circumstan-
ces over which he has no control"
An Irish lover remarked that il is a
great comfort to be alone, especially
when yer swateheart is wild ye.
The printer who kissed his sweet
heart, saying "please exchange" is
believed not to. have exceeded the
liberty of the press"
Wife-"I don't think, husbandth that
you are very smart" "NO, indeed,
wife, but everybody knows that / am
awfully shrewd."
An Alabama young lady, caught
smoking a cigar, gave as her reason
that sit made it smell as though there
was a man around"
What is the most modest thing
now in this house? The clock /; for it
always covers its face with its hands,
and runs itself down however good its
works may be.
A mother, not long since, was Ia
menting the loss of a child lone of a
family of eight, Because" she said,
there WIS just enough for a eotillion,
and they did dance so prettilyT"
"When are you going to settle this
bill? ~ "We've had a settlement al
ready" "When >" 1.-THE last time
you called" 'How so ?'' Didn't
tell you 1 meant to settle the bill ?'i
Yes" Very well, then; wasn't that
a settle mont. ?"
"Charlie," said Grandma reprov-
ingly, ''your portion will be in the
burning lake at last if you go on tell.
ing so many stories" "Oh! no,
Grandma, 1 couldn't stand it." "But
you will be made to stand it, my
boy" ooh! well, Grandma, If 1 can
only stand it, it's all right"
A pompous clergyman once said tC
a chubby-faced lad who was passing
him without raising his hat, do you
know who / am, sir, that you pass me
in this unmannerly way? You are
better fed than taught I Think
"Wa'all, maybe il be so, mister
said the boy, ''fur You teaches me, an
/ feeds myself"
A Down-East paper says that per,
suasive and humbugging agents are
about in that region selling lightning
rods. One old lady told an agent she
had no fear of lightning, but she had
always been afraid of thunder. "Just
So" he replied, 1--WE can meet yOuI
case exactly. The square rods are
HghtRiRg-rods, and the round ones
hunder-rods. OF course she is now
protected"
"JOhn," asked a physician of the
apOthecary's apprentice, did Mrs.
Green get the medicine L ordered? ?"
81 guess So" replied John, 'for !
saw a Grape hanging on the dOOr-knob
this morning."
A tippler who had his load on
fetched up" against the side of a
house which had been newly painted.
Showing himself clear by a vigorous
effort, he took a glimpse at his shout
der, another at the house, a third at
his hand, and exclaimed:
"Well, that is a careless trick in
whoever painted that house, to leave
it standing out all night for people to
run against!"
When our troops under General Nc
Clellan, penetrated the mountain
range of West Virginia, in May, 1851,
they encountered in q quiet nook on
the side of Laurel Ridge, a venerable
matron standing in the door of a log
cabin, One of the men acoosted her
with:
"Well, old lady, where'syour fiag?'
81 hain't got no flag" was the
prompt reply.
"Well, then, which side are you
for?n
AZ don't know what you mean,"
she answered, in establishment.
"Are you secesh ?" asked the man,
amused at her Ignorance.
mo, 1 hain't," she rejoined, EN-
phatically.
Are you Union ?"
mo, l tell you"
"Well, what are you?"
Pm a good, plain Baptist-that's
what L am"
The men laughed heartily, and at
last one of them said:
you'll not refuse to hurrah for
old Abe will you, old lady
s'Who is old Abel" asked the
dame, growing more astonished every
minute.
Abraham Lincoln, the President
of the United States"
"Why, hain't Gin'rl Washington
President?"
mo, he's been dead for more than
sixty years.
"Gin'rl Washington deadr" she
fairly screamed. Then rushing into
the cabin, she called SAM Samu'
"Well, what is it, mOther?" said q
voice within.
In a moment she reappeared at the
door with a veteran of fifty, who the
men afterward learned was her son.
why, only think, Sam, " she cried,
excitedly. "Gin'ral WashingtOn's
dead. Sakes alive! Iwonder what's
going to happen nextln
A Bit Of Advice.
DOnot estimate the worth of a young
man by his ability to talk soft nom
sancn nor nv the lannth of his NOUS