Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1870-09-29

Current Items.

worthy professor of celebrated col
lege, and asked the question, "Can a
man see without eyes?' eyes SIR" was
the prompt reply. elbow, SIR" cried the
astonished professor, "can a man see
without eyes? Pray, sir, how do you
make that out?" ''He can see with one
sir" replied the ready-witted youth ;
and the whole class shouted with delight
at the triumph over metphy ysics.
\ Christian was brought before a
magistrate for an unprovoked assault on
jew. "What had he done that YOU
| should knock him DOWN." asked the
Jndge. Done. why, isn't he one of
the bloody Jews that crucfied our Saw
| ior?" "Bnt," demonstrated the mags-
trate, ''all that happened nearly two
thousand years ago" ''Did it? Why
| only heard of it last night" answered
the over-zealous convert.
A somewhat philosophical gentleman.
in a barber shop, spoke out from his
| don't know how the Prussians move
such immense bodies of men" That's
shust what allied Napoleon" said the
Teutonic shaver.
\ bootback having taken situation
IN a store to sweep out and run errauds.
was questioned By some former associ-
ates whether he felt As good as whca in
business for himself. "Well. It's hard
to be bo->cd round, was the rcply,"but
| pay il off on the ashman.
A Young lady in Oshkosh was lately
presented with an excellent card case
by one OF her admirers \ few davs
aiterward, she remarked that she wish
he had given bigger one. This little
thing won't hold more than half deck.
\ good deal of the consolation offer
ed in the world is about as solacing as
the assurance of the man to his wife
when she fell into the river: You'll
find ground at the bottom, my dear"
The Portland Transcript saws little
threc-vear old Of that city, who had
heard considerable profanity in the
kitchen, came to his brother the other
day with the inquiry, What is Coils
middle name-js il damn''
\ minister once prayed: "Oh. Lord,
wc thank Thee for the goodly number
here tonight, and that ThoU, also, art
here, Notwithstanding the incIcmcucy OF
the weather.
o and p ran race. backed o. p
won Why was this like sending my
servant for cigars and he brought me
cavendi>h: Because it was wrong to
10 back o.
The Portland (Oregon) women are
pettioning the Legislature to prescribe
limits wherein tire dem-m0Afe may re-
side in that city.
The New Haven Register saws: I'm q
line in the article upon Yale College in
our last issue, for alum water read
HIM" Mter."
The Frcncn gunb0ats on the Rhine are
of very light draft; but the last French
con.nription was heavy enough to make
up for ii.
The whole number of Union soldiers
buried i'll national cemeteries, whose
names and places are known Is about
two hundred thousand.
The Missouri census taker, report
only II 900 Colonel>. There were more,
but most OF them have been raised to
Generals.
The great annovances of Boston in
1859 were wolves, rattlcsnake and mos
quitoe-. They are all gone but the
mosquitoes.
a Java @randcc i, coming to this
country with hi- eighty one children,
and desire, 10 secure board in Son:e qui-
ct family
\ ''Socety for the ENCOURAGEMENT OF
Young Men Desiring to Marry" i, or
ganizing among the Young ladies of
Rundout, y. Y.
Tomatoes are 50 much behind hand