davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14
Difficulties of tlae English Lass-
glREe.

One evening, as Frenchman was
seated by a Southern planters freside
the Frenchman remarked that there was
one English word of which he could
never find the meaning; he had vainly
searched the dictionaries and begged his
friend to assist him to an explanation The
word was often used by every one, and
yet when he asked it's meaning he was
always told there was no such word, but
he hoped better treatment from his pres
ent host, and, at once, to test his powers,
gave the word as "Tattle too ~
"Tattle too ~ said his friend; there
is no such word"
,"There it is!!' cried the despairing
Frenchman; "you are just like all the
Others, you say there is no such word,
yet you always use it."t '=sf 9-f
Il cannot lmagi,pe what you mean, V
said his friend, and am sure there isInot
such word - = s.......-
The Frenchman sat moment in lu-
gubrious silence when it chanced that a
servant entered with fuel for replenish-
ing the 1lre. AS he poked and stirred,
and placed the fresh wood There,
there, y exclaimed the host, "that'll do !!
that Il do |" . =. ,.ar' za
"There there ~ cried the excited
Erenctnnan, "you used the word this
minute! Twice you told the man "Tat-
tle-too tattle-too! and yet you say there
is so such word T. -. 49,. .
rs that the word ~ replied the laugh
ing ho-t. THAT is short way we have
Of saying "that viii do y Thatll dow
20 "Ohn' said the satisfied Frenchman,
"and that is all there is of my mysteri-
ious word which / have been chasing
down for years; always finding in use,
but until now, never found it's meaning
and 'tattle-too' is nothing more or less,
at least, than that will do that'll do ~
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14
Scandal About Qneen Elizabeth

Mr.. Froude, ili his latest volume on
English history, is very severe on the
character and conduct Of Queen Eliza
beth. He depicts her as an habitual and
mean liar. peevish, bad-tempered, i'll
hammered woman, and a temporiziAg
vacillating, untrustworthy sovereign,
whose parsimony and variableuess and
small cunning would have ruined herself
and her kingdom, but for the fact that
she had two great statesmen beside her,
and that good luck continually picked
her out of imbroglios into which she had
fallen. She lied to her enemies, and she
lied to her friends; and then she STEW
out" at the latter when the result of her
procrastination and deceit be came visi-
ble.1 Supposed to be the champion and
mainstay of Professionalism in Europe,
she not only coquetted with Catholic al
liances and refused her aid to the Prot
estant movement in the Low Countries,
but she herself detested the Puritans,
and even promised to consider whether
she might return to the Catholic Church.
Her treatment of the States at that criti-
cal period of their history was on par
with her usage Of Alencon. the unhappy
Frenchrnaa whom she tossed about with
promises Of marriage and polite dismiss
ais until he had become the ridieule of
Europe. Again and again she drove
Burleigh and Walsinghaml to dispair.
They anticipated nothing but the ruin
of the realm from her political coquet-
ries, which had become a scandal Mr..
Froude says: ut was like dancing on
tight rope She was trifing with her
own credit and trying the patience of
statesmen who, on the whole, were the
wisest that ever served a European soye-
reign. Leicester, whose influence with
her was the strongest, had least reason
to be shocked at moral improprieties
had yet intelligence enough to see the
political effect Of his mistress performan-
ces.. Though Alencon had engaged him.
self, Il the Duke of Guise was intriguing
with effect In Scotland. sAspanish Ital-
ian invasion. though Elizabeth refused
to believe it, was impending over Ire
land. The most formidable enemy that
shezpossessed was at work in the very
heart of England. "The more ! love
hers" wrote Leicester, ''the more fearful
am / to sec such dangerous ways taken.
God ofhis mercy help all, and give usan
here about her grace to discharge our du-
ties nor never was there mere need. nor
never stood this crown on like peril. God
must now uphold the Queen by miracle;
primary helps are past cure" It 10, how
ever, in her later treatment of Alencon
that she appears most despicable; and it
is, indeed, hard to believe that this vain,
bad tempered. irresolute, and deceitful
old woman. of whom We read, is the great
Elizabeth Of England,
Z = ( 7Sg ! 4- -zgg
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

ONE Reason why THE You've MEN
DoN'T MARRY. Said a young lawyer j:
I'll have been looking for wife for
full three years, ever since / got estab-
slished in practice. and I have not found
d girl or unappropriated woman whom
felt it safe to marry. They are fashiona-
BILE, false foolish, cold or silly. sometimes
all combined. Whereas, I want q Wo-
man who is sensible, independent. ear
nest, sincere and loving Do ! ask too
much av
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14
A ETaFi-Shell EXhOstatIOn.

A hard-slell, who spoke in meeting
out West, thus directed the attention OF
his hearers to the Importance of search
ing the scriptures -.- ..-...
Not long since, my hearers-ah, I was
riding along Que of our great rivers, sur
rounded by the dense. primeval woods,
ah, l stopped at rude log hut by the
low river side-ah, and there found a
poor family in great af-fiction ah. They
were all sick-ah, and [ was informed by
the mother-ah, that they had lost their
fne-tooth comb-ah. They was ignorant
eff the gospel-ah, and didn't seem to care
about heareh' of the precious word OF
life-ah, for the woman did nothing but
lament the loss, OF their fne-tooth
comb-ah.
Have you bible in your cabin, said
| to her? Said she to me-, yes theel
yit is, up thcer on the "catchall." point
ing to narrow shelf over the smoky fire
place, but we don't read into it much
amt read any since oul Bill died with
the ager about sewing months ago-ah.--
My hearers, | got on the top of dye
tub-ah that stood in the corner, and
reaching up to the shelf-ah, I took down
the blessed book-ah, and what do you
think it was I opened to-ah? What dc
you think | found there to satisfy the
Ilengings of the poor sinfnl woman-ah
Oh. my brethering, it was the long lost
the long wanted fne-tooth comb-ah.
say, my hearers, sarch the scriptures.ah
If that poor woman-ah had done this-ah,
how hex mind wouldsah been eased-ah
for she Would have found her fne.tootl
comb aN and her children's heads woule
"a beenXleek-ah aud she-and she woule
had peA with her Maker-ah. .'.a
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

lis it not astonishing" said veal
thy Individual, " that a large fortune
was left me bya person who had only
seen me oneeE" 4" 1t would have been
still more astonishing said a wag, if
ne had left it to you after seeing you
twice"
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

Not Lihely.-A husband advertises
thus ;" My wife Maria has strayed or
been stolen. Whoever returns her will
get his head broke. As to trusting her,
any body can do SO if they see fit /; for
as | never pay my own debts, it's not
likely I'll pay her'n.".
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

This il something new under the sun:
The Inmates Of The Jail in Pittsylvania
county; Virginia, have formed themselves
into moral association. Among the ar
ticles in their creed is one against pro-
fame swearing. the penalty for violating
which is stripes. It was enforced on
one of the members last week.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

A Chinese widow being found tanning
the grave of her husband, was asked why
she performed so singular an operation.
She said she had promised not
to marry while the grave remained
damp, and that as it dried very slowly,
she saw no harm in assisting the pro-
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

A man ont 1T the elbows was askeu
to quote shakespeare. He replied that
he would rather be coated himself.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14


There are some natures which never
grow large enough to speak out and say
q bad act Us a bad act, until they have
inquired into hepolitics or the nation
ality of the man who did it. And they
are not really scarce, either. Cain is
branded a murderer SO heartily and
unanimously in America, only because
he, was neither democrat noa Repub-
lican. The Feejee Islanders abuse of
Gain ceased very suddenly when the
white man mentioned casually that Cain
was Feejee Islander. The next re-
remark of the savage, after an awkward
pause, was: e& = p s8S*sf
ses 81 Well, what did Abel come fooling
around there FOR ~ m-Navk 1Uasv, IN
GALAXY. a ii 4f
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

s= Bob, did You ever see Miss Simp-
kins "No," replied Bob. How do you
know she is handsome, then - Be-
cause the women are always running
her down." replied the scamp.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

The school commissioners in Iowa
prohibit "Iady teachers kissing school
boys over eighteen years of age.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

The Dutch woman kept a toll-gate.
One foggy day traveller asked, Mad
am, how far is it to B----2"" Shoost
leetle ways was the reply. "Yes.
but how far?" again asked the traveller.
" Shoost leetzc ways more emphatti-
cally. Madame, is it one, tho, three, four
o. .1fvc miles % The good woman inge-
niously replied, {" | dinks At is,''
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

When Sheridan threatened to cut off
his eldest born with shilling, Toms qui-
ct retort was" Couldn't You give it
me now, if You bave it about you?'1
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14
On motion of Mr.. Gilmore, !,

+ On motion of Mr.. Gilmore, s.,-- ,..,,
Resolved, That Board Of State Com
missioners of the Peoples Party of
Louisiana to consist of nine citizens
of this State. be appointed by the Presi-
dent Of this Convention. Said appoint
ments to be made and announced on or
before the first Monday Of May, prox.
1s1 On motionof Mr., Dennet, j sr
Resolved, That the Journals of the
State of Louisiana, printed in the
different languages, respectfully in
svited to publish the proceedings. of this
Convention, particulaflytthat part rela-
ting to the organization of the Peoples
Party Of Louisiana. zs4 1ssa. III
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

The Chemquasabamlicook River flows
into Lower Umsakis Lake between Up.
per Pataquongomfs and Wallahgosqurga.
nook Lakes.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

One day, as Mr.: G C-was limping
down the high street Of Edinburgh, from
the Court Of Sessions, he overheard
young lady companion, rather loudly,
"That is Mr.. c.; the lame lawyer"
Upon which he turned round, and, with
his usual force Of expression, said ;
:" No, madam, | am lame man, but not
lame lawyer" 3 ssa ss5
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

Hans, where do you live ~ .Across
der river NIT der turnpikes BY der school
as you 60 up NIT your right hand on
der oder side.v .4ss -s..sa ..gss @
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

..t5." What. is the SIZE. of this place !"
grayely asked New Yorker of the con-
ductor, just after the brakesman had
sung ont O-pesh-ka at a southern station
where not a house was VISIBLE among
the pines except a rambling shed called
an "eating saloon g" It's about as
big as New York" was the ready au-
swer," but 1t isn't lbuih wp get, y
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

FTyH1S HOTEL. formerly known as " Eagle
u Hotel."' and kept by Jesse Hayes, and
Omer Poiret, has recently been re-opened, after
being repaired and thoroughly refurnlshed
The house is large and comnodious, and con-
venient to the Courthouse and business part
Of the town The table will be constantly
supplied with thebest the market affords.
Meals at any hour. day OF night. ~
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

A magniloqaent colonel Of one of the
Bengal regiments was recently CON-
planning at an evening party that from
the ignorance and inattention Of the
officers he was obliged to do the whole
duty Of the regiment. Said he, ''I am
my own major, my own captain, my own
lieutenant, my own ensign. my own ser.
geant, iand----"1iss Your own gtrumpe-
ter" said aiady present. sqssa s.gf
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

Soldiers must be fearfully dishonest, Z
says Mrs. Partington, !" as il seems to
be an oecurrenceevery night for . SEN
try to be relieved Of his watch"
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

A Western editor accepts challenge
to mortal combat, but attaches thereto
the following conditions not laid down
in the code =. : Each chap shall sit on
a keg Of powder, with ten feet fuse
running from each TO the others seat
of state. At signal each to FIRE the otk
er's fuse as quick as he can with an old
fashioned flint and steel. :t'@F%
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

Irritable SchooImaster- Now, then.
stupid. what's the next word What
comes after chsesen Dali boy--aA
mouse, sir
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

If you are in public office, be pune
tual-at all events in leaving.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

Be contented with your lot--especially
at public auction. @
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

Tie Proprietor wall, also, continue to haul
freight, De. from Washington, and other
places, at former rates, without any Toll
Bridge expense to his patrons. at
oct 8 '69-tf
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14

On the premises is large Livery Stable,
for the accommodation Of travellers Horses,
buggies, and hacks always op hand, for hire
Travellers sent TO and part Of the Parish or
State.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-05-14
THE HUMORISTS' COLUMN

A little nonsense uow and then,
Is relished by the wfscst men,
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1870-08-30
Auction SALES.
COMMISSIONERS SALE OF LAND N
Upper acknowledgements tn do

COMMISSIONERS SALE OF LAND n
" UPPER FAUQUIER-Pursusnt to de.
crees of the Circuit Court Of Fauquier, made
OF the 9th and 18th days Of April, 1870, in the
chancery cause OF Herndon VS. Combs, the III.
dersigned will offer. by pubic sale, before the
Court House, in Warrenton, Va, Oh TIL -
DAY, the 9TH day of September $50, (,i,:.
day Of Circuit Court that valuable FAkM, in
said county. the late resid ence- of Col. George
Love and now occupied BY John l.. Combs,
containing 43O ACRES, rood sni - poles 0!
land. This farm is situated in q pheasant neigh
horbood, 4 miles from Miadleburg and tic
samo distance from The Plains and Rector
town, on the o., a. & n. L: i. The lard is 0:
fine Quality is we'll fenced has an ABUNDANCE
of wood and water, and is we'll adapted t.
grazing and grain grow ng. There IS on il d
Comfortable DWELLlNG and al the nc 5 5=Sz
ccssary farm buildings. It has upon il H. 5z2ES
ono of the largest and best orchards; in tn"
county. Persons desiring comfortable ho"!"
a productive farm would do well to loci;
at this before purchasing elsewhere.
TERMS-Une fourth cash the resl1u: :"
three equal annual instruments ct one. Two e..
three ye.rs; tc be secured by the bonds of the
purchaser, bearing interest from the G:C o.
sale, and the title 10 be retained until the whole
purchase moEey is paid.
JAS. V. BROOKE,
B. z. holland,
Faun,inr &C. auu IT-aO,s Com. pf : :.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1870-08-30
THE GAZETTE.
Tuesday EVENING, AUGUST go.

THE VIRGINIA UNIVERSITY MEMORIAL
The idea of collecting memorial Of the fallen
alumni of literary institution, and thus,
without invidious distinction, preserving o
record of some of those who died in our de-
fence, seems original with John Lipscomb
johnson, 3. A., 1859. Of Virginia, the edi-
tor of the work whose name heads this paper.
The thought does him infinite honor, and en-
titles him to the gratitude, not only OF those
whose friends he would cause to be remember
cd, but of the entire body of past and present
students OF, the University. Himself titled
graduate and devoted son aud throughout the
war an officer in the Confederate service, MIR.
Johnsons attachments, antecedents. talents,
and tastes alike fit him for tho task he has I'M
dertakeu. This opinion is oorroborated by
that of fourteen of the present Faculty. who
assure him of their lively sympathy in his
work, which they are confident will be we'll
DONE" and commend very cordially to the
favor and support of the friends of this institu
ton.
Thanks to his own industry and energy and
the assistance of not few other competent
pens, MIR. johnson will be enabled to furnish
notices Of nearly two hundred alumni. The
list will comprise representatives OF every
Southern State, of every arm OF the service,
and of every grade short of major general,
Twelve Ma sters Of Arts, two Bachelors OF
Arts, eight Bachelors of Law, and two Doctors
of Medicine are found among them. The So.
cieties, both literary and secret, are Of course
largely represented. An engraved portrait on
STEEL of Lieutenant Colonel Lewis NJ: Cole
man. NJ. A., late professor of Latin, will form
an appropriate frontispiece.
No book OF equal interest to University men
has ever appeared few, in like connection, OF
more to any class of readers. A handsome
octave of six hundred and fifty pages, 1t Will
be furnished at four dollars, payable on de-
livery University Magazine.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1870-08-30
OOLuRLE PACIFIC GUANO.

SOLUBLE PACIFIC aUAN0'
Improved in
QUALITY AND CONDITION.
The quality of this Guano is materially i'm
proved this season by the addition to its COM
position of a large per cent Of the
SALTS OF POTASH.
It is improved in condition by being brought
into market sufficiently dry and uniformly fine
to pass with frclity and regularity through the
orifces Of the
WHEAT DRILL.
More than 81 ,D00, 600 is involved in tho pro-
duction of this Guano. and the trade in it has
steadily increased, until now it fer exceeds that
Of any other fertilizer.
The Pacific Guano Company has far greater
interest in the maintainance O! the quality OF its
Guano than any number of consumers can
have; hence no apprehension need exist rs to its
continued excellence
JOHN S. REESE s. CO.,
General Agents for Pacif, Guano Co.,
No. 10 South st., I'd floor, Baltimore.
WATTLES, KNOX & CO.,
Agents, No. IL Union s.,
aug 17-2m Alexandria. Va.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1870-08-30

EXCELSIOR is composed of 700 pounds OF
No. Peruvian Guano. and 1900 pounds of Sol
uole Phosphate Of Lime (bones dissolved in
sulphu;ic acid,) potash and soda, forming the
most concentrated. universal ana durable fer.
tilizer ever offered to the farmer-combining all
the stimulating properties OF PERUVIAN 6uano,
and the ever durable tertilizing properties of
Ground Bones-supplyinga an abundance of Am.
monis for any crop, and all soils. and IN per
tecty fixed condition--n0t volatile and passin z
off with the first crop, as with Peruvian and
other ammoniscal gusnos, but stimulating the
crop to which is is applied, and al! succeeding
ones. giving TO poor, worn out and unproduct-
i've SOILS new life and vigor, making, them, in
this respect, equal to the most highly Guilt
waited lands, upon which much time and money
have heeE expended.
EXCELSIOR Nas introduced in 1858 and we
challenge tho manufacturers and vendors Of fer
tizers, natural or artificial Guano, to chow re-
suits so invariably successful as can be shown
from its use One of the PROPRlETORS SU-
PERINTEND S IN PERSON EVERY MIN.
UTE Or IT'S MANUFACTURE, and there.
fore warrant every bag uniform, and to contain
by analysis the standard Of fertilizing proper
ties giving that protection to the farmer which
he does not nave in the purchase Of any other
Guano or Fertilizer sold.
Excelsior is in fine dry powder, prepared eX-
pressly for drilling. and can be applied in any
quantity per acre. however small; and it is the
opinion of the most prominent and calculating
farmers, after TWELVE years experience in
testing it side by side with other popular fertil-
izer:, that an appicstSano of 100 pounds o: TX
sior is equal t. 700 to 300 pounds Of any other
+, rtilzer or Guano offered for sale, and .hcre.
fore is fully 100 TO 200 per cent cheaper.
QS-The very best evidence we can offer of
tho value IF Excelsior IS q crop grower and
fertilizer. is tho fact of its being initiated and
counterfeited. Some unprincipled msnufac-
turers have actually used the trade mark for
e I.~~.. L -.
pounds.
The ANALYSIS and name Of ~. j. TUR-
NER & CO." in Red Letters, are branded on
every bag. All others arc counterfeits.
Price $65 per ton.
Z. M. LAWSON,
Successor to Brewis q Lawson,)
Alexandria. Virginia.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1870-08-30
By Beck. Knox & kerby.

Rca. Estate Agents and Auctloheers.]
COMMISSIONERS SALE OF REAL ES-
u TATE BY virtue of decree of the Cir
cult Court of Alexandria county, Va, pro.
nounced at its May term. 1870, in the suit OF
James Mcdowell VS.. Sarah Grady and others,
tho i Undersigned, Commissioners appointed by
the said decree. will offer for sale. by public
auction, on the premises: on THURSDA?, the
10Th day of september, 1870, at IL O'Clock M a.,
in parcels suitable Ter building purposes Il LOT
OF GROUND with the Improvements there n,
lying partly in Fairfax county and partly in
Al"Xandria city, At tho southwest intersection
of Glbbon ana Henry streets extended. The
said lot fronts one hundred and twenty :eet on
Gibb0n street.
TERMS--Onn tenth Of the purchase money
in cash tho residue in three equal payment:
st six, twelve and eighteen months; the G"'cr;
red pay men.s to bear interest and to &c secured
hy tho purchasers bonds, with good surety.
and retention Of the tito 10 said lad nnui
the purchase money shall have been paid
Costs CT ,t!mps ana conveyance; 10 be lA:i by
purchaser. EEEL SIU AT.l,
D. j.. SMOOT,
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1870-08-30
AUCTION SALES.
By Green & Williams.
(Auctioneers and Real Estate Brokers,)
No. 3l9 Seventh street, corner II,

(Auctioneers and Real Estate Brokers'
No. 39 Seventh street, corner II,
Washington, D. c..
A UCTION SALE OF STEAM ENGlN H.
N BOILER, GEARING, PLANING MA
CHINE. PATENT FENCE MACHINE, &c:
On THURSDAY, the 1st day OF September, at
o. clock M, we will sell, at Blugden's wharf,
near tho Navy Yard, Washington, D. G., on
tho Eastern Branch, between Sd and 9th streets
cast one Steam Engine Of 20 horse power, in
perfect order, with Boiler, Betting, Force
Pump, IS feet of Shafting ard Gearing, COM
plete. ALSO,
Planning Machine, which will plane both
sides ana tongue and groove at the same time
Four Saw Tables, 10 Circular Saws, Large
Grind stone.
One Patent Fence Making Machine
One Work Bench, Screw and Vice.
All of the above machinery is in perfect Or
der, which will be shown on day of sale.
all to be removed in ten days after sale.-
The above machinery will be sold without re-
serve to tho highest bidder. Terms at sale.
GREE s. WILLIAMS, Auctrs.
Vsc pton aup 20-t1