The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-02-19

defendant, the latter asked, (Which one of the
girls is it ?" This question being settled, he
meekly submitted his neck to the yoke, and the
y hooted question to which OF the three would
secure the prize was settled.-IokGto Commercial
'He told me to get out of the Office" said Ar.
temus Ward ~ pitied him, and went"
A dentist out west had to give in the other
day; a lad wanted new set Of teeth put in fine
comb.
81 am Aot mad, but incenscd," said dandy
smelling of musk. lie was not muscular, but
smelt strong.
On recent rainy day in New Orleans news.
boy was accosted with: Dub you must remen.
Der C;omwell's advice--Trust in God and keep
your papers dry NO you DON'T was the re.
ply; Il don't trust"
A few years ago an ingenious fellow managed
10 get drunk free of expense almost daily, in tho
streets OF London by falling down in fit, with
placard on his breast Don't bleed me Give
me glass of brandy"
''My boy. what does your mother do for liv.
ing Was asked OF little barefooted urchin
"She eats cold yictuals, sir"
The New York Pas, saws that from the num-
Der Of weddings occurring nowadays it will
hardly d. to say that marriage is c0ntracted
Said youngster, in high glee, displaying his
purchase 10 bosom friend on the sidewalk:
Two cocOanuts io- ten cents that will make me
sick tomorrow, and l won't have to go to school,
josh Billings on Preaching.--I aIways advise
short sermons, especially on a hot Sunday. II
minister kant strike lie in forty minutes he's
either got poor gimlet or he's BORN in the
wrong place
A good sort Of man in Maine was recently
asked - subscribe for "a chandelier for the
church. Now said he whats the use of
chandelier. After you get it you can't get any
one TO play Oh it,
little four.yesr-old, watching from a win
dow procession of children from the Orphan
Asylum, exclaimed: How would like 10 be
an orphan and play soldier"
OATS Just so, rnas>a, wese two clas,es-de
high aud de low. De high takes what. CAV to
en-, Ike II ASA Grant: Dc low takes what's not
guy TO ON, like Mase. Butler. Ise low, massa,
dat al.
song that Is just now very popular in Lon.
don has the following vhoru,:
| saw Es4u kissing Kate,
And the fact is We all three saw:
For | -aw E-au, he saw me-
And she saw sav E.au
tavori;e sport in Texas Is TO place cork on
man, head, , quarter dollar on the cork. and
let man Try t, shoot out the cork with navy
revolver at ten PAGES. In case the head instead
OF the c7-k j. hit the shooter pay, for the drinks
instead OF the dead man.
Ou- west they tell story about a dog which
was greatly interested il music. which attended
singing school and was subsequently, found in
the back gard with Inasc book in front of him.
beating time with his tail on tin pan and
bowling sold hundred
An exchange aptly says: Zone wav TO sun
port local paper is 10 subscribe for some Chics.
go paper, and II you want to maia.ai stores.
taller shops shcemakers, &c, in your own town,
send 20 the city for your dry goods, clothing
groceries, boots and shoes, and you will support
them with vengeance
y Toledo German who has been keeping q m.
loon FOR the accommodation of printers has been
obliged 10 suspend. On his books were found
tho following named members of the craft "Der
Lain Brinter." Der Leetil Brinter," "Der Pen
Butler Brinter'"De Tiyel," "Der Briater nit
der red hair Der B-inter nit der hair not
shooSt so red
Gov. Gesry, az an evening reception recently
held at the executive mansion at Harrisburg
excused himself from dancing on the plea that
81 have not danced since the war-n.y lens are
too JM cfbulst holes." Whereupon the Esston
pa Argus suggests that if the valiant governor
really received any wounds in battle they would
be less likely to interfere with saltation than
with sitting down