The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1870-10-28
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

Pleading at the Bar--Bcgging for a
drink.
The Bond of Domestic Lite-A
hoop-skirt.
What is it that nobody wants, yet
nobody likes to lose PA lawsuit.
Why is a pig with a twisted tail like
the ghost il Hamlet because it
could a tail unfold.
In pocket-picking, as in almost ev-
erything else, a mar never succeeds
until he gets his hand in.
A b~aldheaded maj may always cx-
pect to find a friend and sympathizer
in a manufacturer of wigs.
Neurological FGstivity-iIercules
going to dine with his club.
How did the bull look On emerging
from the china shop? A little the
worse for Udre.
In a game of cards & good deal, de-
ponds OH good playing, and good play
ing on a good deal.
An old topper being requested to de-
fine hard drinking, said at was set
ting OH arock and slipping cold water
Browning" Well, l always make
it a rule to tell my wife everything
that happens" Smithkins-"Oh, my
dear fellow, that is nothing! l tell
my wife lots of things that never hap
pen at ALL"
4" Waste not, Want ~not.'-A raw
yokel, who had been gazing at a gar
den in the vicinity of a city, in which
were several marble statues, exclaim-
ed, "Just see what a waste! Here's
no less than six scarecrows i'm this lit
lie ten-foot patch, any On'cm could
keep the Gro VS. from a fivc-acrc lot"
A poor man, who was ill, being
asked by a gentleman whether he had
taken any remedy, replied, "No, L
ainf taken any remedy, but Eve taken
lots of physic."
"Would We please, men," said
Bridget, the other evening, can I'd
like We to lind me the loan of your
white dress, to wear to a party. do
hate to be asSin' yc, for borrowed
clothes niver fit me like my own
Two prisoners were lately acquitted
of il theft. The magistrate told them
| not to conc there again., o. they
might not be so fortunate. One of
the prisoners said, "No, your worship
we should not have come now if we
had not been brought"
NoIsELESs SMoKING.--A burly leu
ton, whose taste 70: beer could not be
disputed, entered an omnibus one day
with a huge m~eerschaum in his mouth,
and taking the only vacant seat, pro-
ceeded to roll forth full volumes of
smoke. The conductor, seein. this
violation of rules, stepped up to him,
and said, "NO smoking allowed
The Dutchman, taking his pipe from
his mouth with an air of astonish-
ment, thus replied to the polite con-
ductOr: al don't make no noise ven ]
schmokcs."
A llINT--Not many miles from
town company of a few friends
might have been seen one evening in
the parlor of an old couple, spending
a few hours in social chat. Time flew
rapidly to all, save the "head of the
house, who, about nine o'clock got
very sleepy. He never stayed out of
bed later thar that if he could help it.
The company, however, talked and
talked, and talked to the old lady,
who enjoyed the conversation much,
whilst her bigger half" dozed and
nodded and occasionally snored, just
a little. Finally getting his eyes fully
opened, and seeing the clock marked
half-past nine, he turned, yawningly,
towards the partner of his joys and
his sorrows, and said, Wife hadn't
VIC better 60 to bed? These folks
want TO go homc.'
a bachelor oeologist was boas.ing