The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1870-01-20

TIE AUcT1oNEER's MoTro-Buy and |
buy.
RATHER CRY-s1s (cR1a1s)-A weeping
No RECEIPT Is required when attention |
is paid.
THR policies Of the Washington Life are
liberal as to residence
HH that will follow good advice is greater
than he who gives it. .....a=.-,
WHEN was ST. Paul a pastry-cooki-
When he wen. to fill pie Philippi)
A BosToN paper thinks naming a row
OF lots in suburban cemetery after a
physician was in questionable taste
"CoMK, don't be timid," said couple OF
foolish snobS to two mechanics "sit down
and make yourselves our equals" owed
have to blow our brains out to do that"
was the reply. -..---.-
OF twenty companies incorporated
| by the State of New York, the Washing
ton is the Eighth in order of organization,
and may now be regarded as one Of the
"Old Companies" thoroughly tried and
| established.
LITTLE three-year old Mary was playing
very roughly with the kitten-carrying it
by the tail. Her mother told her she
would hurt pussy. "Why, no I WON'T"
| SAID she; I'm carrying it by the handle"
IT is stated by some wiseacre that the
heart of q man weighs about nine ounces,
! that of woman eight. AS the age in
| creases, mans heart grows heavier, and
the woman's lighter-some girls lose theirs
at 16.
REQUIRED-Tne exact height of fashion;
| the force Of circumstances; the thickness
| of beam of sunshine; the dimensions of
| a frame mans mind is sometimes in
| o1c oit Of h Ir
take the floor.
| An Albany man, who had his new hat
exchanged for an old one, in BARRIERS
shop, advertises that unless it is returned
he will forward to the wife of the person
who took it the letter found concealed in
the lining Of the old one"
| A BLUsHING damsel called at one of the
agencies the other day to buy sewing
machine. ado you want fellerf" in
| quired the modest clerk liz attendance.
The ingenious maid replied, with some as
perity: "Ne, sir l have one"
AN Irishman, officiating as chairman Of
a club, was annoyed at the tumult created
by set of unruly members, and aston
ished them by vociferating, Gentlemen,
jintlemen, will yess come to order, II
you only kape silent you may make as
much noise as you place"
"WHo built the first houses" asked an
ambitious school ma'am of bright little
girl, on Exhibition day" 81 don't know
ma'am, but l guess Noah did," "Why
do you think SO, my dear9" because he
| is the first nrkitect we read off,
A VALETUDINARIAN who consulted
physician was questioned as to his gener-
al habits. Having told how much and
what he ate, how many cigars he smoked,
etc, he was asked what he drank.
| GO hot f6nN fhnr
the reply.
| In the Wyoming House of Representa-
tlves, recently, a distinguished member,
seeking to sustain point of order, par
tally removed his outer garment, and re-
marked: Z" Mr.. Speaker, if some reliable
man will hold my coat, I'll teach the hon
orable gentleman that he IS out of order"
The point Of order was sustained.
A CLERGYMAN, formerly of Newbury-
port. known Familiarity as Parson Milton,
was seen by neighbor trudging home
one Monday morning with stout cod he
had just bought, and was accosted with,
Mr.. Milton. did you know that fish was
caught Sunday?" The minister, in his
characteristic blunt manner, replied: "The
fish amt to blame for that!"
THERE was, some years ago, a trial for
murder in Ireland, where the evidence was
so palpably insufficient that the Judge
stopped the case, and directed the Jury to
return verdict of Not Guilty" A we'll
known lawyer, who desired, however, to do
! something for the fee he had received for
the defence, claimed the privilege OF ad-
!, dressing the Court. "We'll hear you with
pleasure, Mr.. B." said the Judge, "but to
, precent accidents, wen first acquit the
prisoner" lts Il
AN anecdote is told of Judge Grier,
| hn Lotto A.. q
preme Bench. When he was sitting in
Pennsylvania, cause involving the title
to some land was tried before him. A
laundering jury returned an unjust YER
| dict. As the Clerk returned to record it,
: Judge Grier said. Mr. Clerk, that yer.
, dict is set aside by the Court. IT may as
4 well be understood that in this State it
g takes thirteen men to steal mans farm F"
LIEUTENANT DERBY" John Phoenix "
once haileda stolid looking German who
r was driving bakers wagon past Barry
q Patterns, on Montgomery street, San
Francisco, with, "Hullo! I'll take one"
t Va. you takes9" said Teuton, pulling
i up. "a baked eagle" said Phoenix
d The driver scowled, rnuttered, and was
4 driving on, when Derby, in an authoritative
f tone, ordered him to halt, saying, eff you
don't have Eagle Bakery painted off that
r wagcn I'll have you court-martialed !"
t IT would be well if all passengers could
G keep themselves as firmly aloof from ex-
s element in steamboat race as a veneer.
r able friend of Rhode Island (now descend
ed full of years and honors to his gravel
l did on the occasion Of race between two
contending steamers on one occasion in
: Long Island Sound. The boats had been
running with no visible advantage on
either side for great distance, and groups
of excited persons were on the deck dis
cussing their several chances of triumph,
, and finally appealed to the friend in ques-
. ton: Don't you think we've gained On
her in coming the last forty miles?" "ye s, y
. replied the Quaker, with imperturbabie
5 gravity, II should say, from present ap-
: pearances, that we had 'sDo you ?
t Well, Mr.. Brown, how much should you
) think we have gained upon herr" 81
may be mistaken" replied our friend, "for
t have small gift at correctly calculating
distances; but I should think that In the
!, last fifty miles we have gained about an
inch" He was too close an observer to be
bothered with any further questions from
the excited bystanders
False Prophecies.