The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-08-18
WIT AND HUMOR.


the lady, shut II take care you shan't
forget that the weaker vessel may have
the stronger spirit in it,"
"A distinguished President of Har.
ward College was once asked by
brother clergyman how long it took
him to write n sermon. He said,
Sometimes week, sometimes Ion.
en-" "What! week to write ser.
mon? / wrote one in day, and made
nothing Of it," eyes," replied the
doctor, "but l made something of
nine
A very modest old maid, visiting
newly-marricd friend recently, saw one
Of her husbands shifts on the bed, and
exclaimed:
Goa, mercy! mans shirt on your
bed! Lord, such thing on my bed
would give me the nightmare"
Every likely" responded the wife,
"unless there was man inside of it,"
The modest maiden tainted outright.
AS Governor Faircbild, of Wis
consin, and friend were riding by rail
from Madison lately, two young ladies
with ticir beaUX entered The crowded
car, and the distinguished gentlemen
surrendered their seats TO the fair ones.
But great was their surp ise to see tie
young men occupy their seats aud take
their fair companions upon their laps.
by George said the Governor, eve
might have done that ourselves"
A country deacon went home one
evening and complained to his wife
that lie had been abused shamefuly
down at the store "Onc Of the neigh
bol9,' he said, ''calIed him liar"
Her eyes flashed with Indignation.
why didn't you tell him to prove
~ she exclaimed. "That's the very
thing-that,s The trouble" replied the
husband; ''thats just what l did do;
told him to prove it, and he did prove
it"
GEOLOGY AND THEoLoGY,-The
following story is told of DR.. Taylor,
the noted New Haven thcologian: Pro.
found in metaphysics, but not vcrscd in
science. he WAS an obstinate defender
Of the literal Interpretation of the six
days Of creation in the Book Of Gen.
csis, as against the idea of six long pc
RODS Of time, One day Prof. Silliman
took DR., Taylor into the geological
cabinet, and confronted him with scy.
cral trilObitcs in rocks Of the lower
, strata, and said: Now, DR.. Taylor,
how did these once living animals get
into this position, except as the rock
"adually formed about them in one of
t those long carly periods" "Non-
sense, nonsense answered DR.. Taylor,
do you think that God, when he made
The rocks, couldn't have stirred in the
things just as easy us cook stirs rails
ms in pudding or cake?" Prof. Sill
liman wa so disguised that, perfection
of courtesy though he was, he put on
his hat, without reply, walked straight
ont Of the building, and did not say
word to DR.. TAYLOR for three weeks.
JOSH BILLINGS rApEEs.
4 man with few brains is like a
dorg with one flea on him, dredful on
eazy.
| have alwuz notised when an indi-
vidual haint got the ability tew criticize
= judiciously, lie dams ;ndiskriminately.
| What do you bet Fame is? l bet it
, IL climeing creased pole few win
purs Of 10 dollars and splicing suit
Ov clothes worth Is.
Ambition is like hurgcr--it obeys no
law hut its appetight.
Tharc IL no medicine like good
, joke; it IL a silver coated pill that frol.
icks and physicks on the run.
The man who never makes emmy
blundcrs will never rise in the esteem
ov the world abuv the reputashun Of a
good guide board.
! Making an entry of charilys on our
= worldly ledger IL Il sure way tew hav
our whole account thrown out at the
Judgment day.
Poverty and riches are mere imagin-
} alive distinkshuns The man who kan
!. cat lliz bread and be happy IL certainly
e richer than he who kant eat it unless
= it IL spred with butter.
Fortune is like a mirror, it don't al.
ter men, it only shows them just as
" they am.
II Dandys are hybrid, cross between
; Il fashion plate and an unpaid taylors
S bill.
Inever knew but one intidel in mi
p life, and he had no more courage than
!, a haf drowned kitten just pulled out
i ov a swill barrel, and waz az afraid tew
l. die as The devil would be if he waz al.
InwoJ tow ,;s,t th;a Garth for n short