The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-11-19
Mark Twain'8 Wonderful Watch,
From the December Galaxy

From the December Galaxy
Ny beautiful new watch had run
eighteen months without losing or gain
ing, and without breaking any part OF
its machinery or stopping. | had come
to believe 1t imfaliiJle in its judgments
about the time of day, and TO consider
its constitution and its anatomy imper-
iShable. But at last, one nigh, let it
run down. grievcd about il as iSitwere
a recognized messenger and iorcrunncr
orcalamity But 10y and 10y checred up,
set the watch by guess, and command
Il my bodings and sup2rstitions to de
part. Next day stepped into the
chief jewelers. to set it by the exact
time, and the head of the establishment
took it out of my hand and proceeded
to set it for me. Then he said. "She
is four minutes slOw-regulatOr wants
pushing up. | tried to stop him-tried
to make him understand that the watch
kept perfect time. But no; all this
human cabbage could see was that the
watch was tour minutes slow, and the
regulator must be pushed up a little ;
and so. while ! danced around him in
anguish and bcseehed him to let the
watch alone, he calmly and cruelty did
the shameful deed. My watch began
to gain. 1t gained fasters and faster
day by day. Within the week it sick
encl TO a raging fever and its pulsa
went up to hundred and fifty IN the
shade. At the end Of two months il
had left all the timc-p,c2cs Of the town
far in tie rear, and was fraction over
thirteen DAYS ahead ofthc almanac. 1t
was away in November ENJOYING the
snow. while the October leaves were
still turning. 1t hurried up house-reuts,
bills PAYABLE, and such things, in such
a ruinous way that | could not abide
it. | took it to the matchmaker to be
regulated. He asked me if had ever
had it repaired. ] said no, ithad never
needed any repairing. lie looked 4
look of vicious happiness and eagerly
pried the watch open, then put a small
dice-box into his eve and pccrcd into It's
machinery. lie said it wanted clean
inc aud oiljng, besides regulating
come in week. After being cleaned
and oiled and regulated, my watch
slowed down to that degree 'hat ii
licked ike a tolling bell. ! began to
he left by trains, | failed all appoint
ments, | got to missing my dinner; my
watch strung out three days grace to
four and let me 90 to protest; | gradl-
ally drifted dack into yesterday, then
dav before, then into last week, and 10y
and bv the comprehension came upon
me that ali solitary and alone ] was
lingering along in week before last, and
the world was ont OF sight ! seemed
to detect in myself sort of sncaking
fellow feeling Tor the mummy in the
museum. and desire to swap news with
him. went TO q matchmaker again.
lie took the watch all to pieces wh,ir /
waited, and then said the barrel wa
"swened" lie said he could reduce it
in three DAYS. After this the watch
arfragef well, but nothing more. For
half day it would 20 like the very
mischief, and keep up such barking
and Wheeling and whooping and sheez-
mo and snorting, that l.cou.d not hear
myself think for the disturbances; and
as long as it held out, there was not a
watch in the land that stood any chance
AGAINST it. But the rest OF the day it
would keep on slowing down and fool
inc along until all the clocks it had left
behind caught up again. So at last, AT
the end of twenty four hours, It would
trot up to tie judges stand al right
and Just on time. ltwouid show TAR
and square avcrag and man coul! say
it had done more or less than IT'S duty;
But correct average Is only mia
virtue in watch, and ! took tbs IN
strument to another matchmaker. lie
said the kingholt was broken. | said /
was clad ii was nothing more serious.
To tell the plain truth, had no idea
what the kingbolt was, hut ! did not
choose to appear ignorant TO a stranger.
He repaired the kingbolt, but what the
watch gained in one way it lost in an
other. 1t would run awhile and then
stop awhile, and then run awhile again
and so on, using its own discretion
about the intervals. And every time 1t
went off it kicked back like a mus
! ket. I padded my breast for few
/ laws, but finally took the watch to an
,tGer matchmaker. He picked it al
to pieces, and turned the ruin over anC
over under his glass; and then he saiC