Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-05-27
Slips of the Pen.
nv JOSH BILLINGS.


THE wizest thing about q man is his
conscience -edukashun don't improve it.
+ Ifyu want tu find out the ruling pashun
ov hoss, feed him high on oats--it iz iist
80 with mankind.
Az a gineral rule, the best way is to de-
eide yureself what bizness in life it liz
best for yure yung one tew foller, and
then stick him at it while he jz Timber
men alwus pole vines before they begin to
run much. E< -L-E y
The only way for me to git out ov
tight spot il tew git into it fust. Sum folks
kan tell exakly how a thing feels by not
tutching it, but kant. ID n BlN
The more babies in a family the eazier
and better they are raized-one chick en- al
wus makes an old hen more clucking and
scratching than a duzen duz. re- f,a,9
1t takes an uncommon smart man, now
daze, few make money by telling the
truth-it iz aktually an evidence ov
genius.
: 1t il very small spot in the lightning
bug tale that shines; it iz the darkness
ov the mite that makes it so brilliant-iti il
jist so with virtew.: " - - y -s1.-- =
Missing revenge il like nussing yung
hedgehog-the older he grows, the sharp
er hiZ quilts. .r7r-a III 4r5s,
!, The good man il like an old-fashioned
Nu England clock--hiz soul IL the pendu-
lum whose regular moshuns Civ life and
grace tew hiz hands and face, thus
showing the good works that are inside
ov him. u p
Most ov the epitaffs on the tombstuns
lead like guide-beards tew the CRATE City,
and without them a great menny would
take the wrong road.
~ Most raOp1a travel TO saa and hn caan
but few to compare.
The only way tew truli enjoy ennythlng
IL tew be willing tew quit it when the bell
rings.
Time iZ like fair wind-if we don't set
our sails we lose that breeze forever.
We are often ridikuled for telling old
truths, The 10 commandments are old
enuff tew be wore out with truth, but who
fOllers them?.r1 r-~.7g t, EN1
Waking up in the morning to a virtu-
GUS man, is the same thing as being born
again. tl l9t g..
Necessity IL the mother of inven-
shun," and Patient Wright IL the father.
Death il the only thing in this life that
IL certain; and even that IL not always a
safe Investment.
~Humor liz vagrant without a home,
and lives upon what it can pick up.
Virtew, backed up by courage, IL the
perfekshun ev human natur 1 don't
reckon mercy nor pity always amung the
yirtews; they are often amiable weak
nessesg Justiss iz the square root ov, awl
the virtews Iwouldn't hav emmy mercy
nor pity hove out for rubbish; nj ither
would | have man think, because he
melts at the anguish of the vicious, that
| it il virtew that ails him. ''''
Bachelors are always braggin ov their
freedom freedom tew darn their own
stockings, and poultiss their own shins!
I-had rather be widdower once in 2
years, reglar, than tew be q grunting, old,
hair.d dyed bachelor only 80 days. ~ y
| = The largest man that / kan think ov
now, waz Israel Dunbar, of BilliDgsville.
He dried up anew mich cow in milking
her times, and planted an aker of beans,
/ last spring, awl in one hill. He liz 45
years old and haint had the meazles yet
| he haz alwuz been too lazy to ketch them.
This boy died when he waz f8 years old,
in crossing korn field; the punkin-vines
took after him and smothered him to
death.