The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-08-20


They have . sweet little darling, in crinoline,
at Baltimore:
A Baltimore paper says that young lady was
recently discharged from of the largest pickle
| factories in that city, because she was SO sweet
! that she took tho acid out of the vinegar.
A great beat controversy is raging just now
among the newspapers of Texas. The editor of
paper named the Enterprise comes out Of OBJ
security with zone weighing 500 pounds, by the
thermometer, sixteen feet long, twenty-four feet
wide and story and half high" The gallant
champion of another section comes back as fol.
lows: "His story added to our story makes cur
beet two stories high, and still growing as we
replanted it."
This beats the beet that beat all the beets il
the business. 1t beats all.
Pixies Decatur Democrat gravely asks the ques.
ton, Twill white men submit to everythings"
Why, yes, so long as they permit the radical
party to rule the nation.
WATER-A fellow over in Decatur the ether
day drank bucket of water. OF course, the
Magnet ia indignant at any man for disposing of
90 much washing fuid.-D0udalEs EemOcrat.
No insinuations, brother! There is no one
about the Magnet Office who drinks water to ex.
cess--fates Democrat.
They have = Justice of the Peace at Bloom
ington named "Pancake." Would he go we'll
with "lssses," or isn't he that sort Of q "cake''
Eggs, DIVORCE AND ELOPMENT-By grape
| vine telegraph. we learn that the enterprising
| town OF Marco has had q speck of fun, within
the last two days, which has created some ex-
| citement in that locality. 1t seems that q Ger.
| tain man, for cause unknown to our telegram"
had Ga Monday succeeded in getting divorce
from bis wife, and Immediately took a fancy to
another mans wife, or she took fancy to him,
or perhaps both were ''fancy" at any rate, they
concluded to elope together, and started for the
train going south, yesterday evening; and when
the 'elspe" reached the platform of the depot, a
number Of citizens, who had become disguised
with the proceedings of the gentleman, opened
their "batteries" aud discharged eggs innumera-
able, and of questionable odor, at the head OF the
offender, which was squarely hit, to the great
disgust Of the owner thereof. After good deal
of ''uupleasantness," the party succeeded in get
ting away on the train.-BlOomiagt0n Panta-
graM.
Can't fellow get divorce down there with.
out being abused in that way? 1t would be
better to 80 to Chicago, where only divorced
people are considered respectable.
| Thos Hsndsaker, of the Washington Herald,
came over yesterday, bought piano stool and
returned.-fsoria Democrat.
What is country editor going to do with a
piano stoolf No, wasn't it key Of Peoria beer |?
-Fulton Co. Ledger.
We End the following in an exchange, stolen
| from ws know not whom:
man with four wives was brought before a
Dutch justice for commitment on q charge of
| bigamy. "Four wives" exclaimed the aston
| ished Hans, flour wives dat vast q most hino.
cious crime! Discharge him at vonst." "Why ?"
protested the prosecutor, 'why discharge him
| when the proof 10 positive? Will! the court ex-
plain 7" Eyes, eckspains. Off he lif nit four
wives, he got punishment enough. lif nit Won,
and l got too much punishment already.
A Wisconsin paper says. "An Indian woman
passed by our Office the other day, with quar-
ter of venison and two papooses on her back, a
Jug of whisky in one hand and wigwam in the
other. How is that for Lo ?"
The Harseilles Citizen gives US this item:
Tuesday evening some parties from the coun-
try, who had been fishing, concluded to return
home. On doing SO they stopped at saloon to
wet their Whistles" when a whistle from To-
connective entered into their arrangements some.
| wuoVS OVS W w suAo IucS udu Ucch urlukluR
freely one too freely, and was assisted into the
wagon without any opposition whatever. in fact
the fellow was dead drunk,-just about this time
the cars came aloag-the whistle sounded, once,
twice, and away went the horses, full tilt, with
said individual taking his comfort in the bottom
of the wagon bed-the horses running into the
train, bat thinking better of this backed out,
took another atart, and went flying in the direc-
ton Of tho old town, spilling the said individual
out OF the hind end Of tae wagon into the street,
who very quietly got up, walked off few rods
and laid down and fell into peaceful sleep
unconscious OF the world around him.
| The BLACKBIRD.-When blackbird once
learns tune he never forgets it, nor any part of
it l ouoe know bird that could whistle "Pol.
ly Hopkins" with wonderful accuracy. His
owner sold him, at the same time making the
purchaser acquainted with the birds favorte
tune. Az soon as the gentleman got him home,