The Placer herald., 1870-12-17
TERENCE MIGRANT.
Ulisses Sick---Tbe McGarrnhan CIa i'm An Eff
fort 20 Cheat the President.
WASHINGTON. Noyimber Siyinteen


WAsuINGTos, Novimber Sivinteen.
MIsTHER PUMMERY- mind | towld yez
in me lasht lether how | was afther winning
large quantity of money from me cousin
Clisses on the result of the election. Well
| couldn't find it in me heart to kape it. If
there is one thing am noted for, it is me
charity to those in atiliction; and the loss of
money affcts me cousin worse nor onything
| gave back the ghreater part of the money
to him freely and willingly, as soon as he
towld me if didn't do so he would turn
meself and Bridget out of the White House,
on to the cowld charities of the world.
thought me cousin UIisses had throuble
enough wid.ut greving over the loss of mon
ey, so handed it out to him as sm lngy as
man in a shtage coach would hand his
purse till a hghwayman. There is moth
ing ike charity to make a man feel good.
Me cousin hasn't been able to sit up much
since election. 1t beats the divil how little
trial things prey upon his mind lie had
set his heart on having certain Shtates elect
candidates that he nominated, and whn he
found they didn't do so, it naturally made
him feel unaisv, and he could only slape
nights be taking camphane, or morphane, or
some profane thing the doctor left. He
couldn't kape the doctors prescription ON his
shtomach. The docthor was going to kill
me. lc see he called and said me cousin
naded an opiate Fhat the diyil is an OPT
ate Maybe it has something to do wild
election. The docthor wrote some hin's
thracks on piece of paper and handed it to
me, and towld me to give me cousin that in
wine-s lass of wather, until he got quie
Afthcr the doctor wint away | tuck the pa
per and soaked it in bit of fshky, because
! knew me cousin stomach bether than the
docthor, and knew that wather would make
him sick. gave me cousin the prescription
paper in the fishky, and he throwcd it up as
aisy as a man would throw up a base ball
But he didn't siapc, and called the docthor.
lie aXed me did give me cousin the pres
crip.ion, and towid him did, but the pa
per wouldn't ehtay on his shtomach. He
felt of me head and said the bump of dam
Zoology was decidedly prominent on me head
Fiat did he name, dnno Then the doch-
tor gave him some little minnie bullets that
shmelt Ike physic, and me cousin reshted
foinley. Bridget says should have taken
the prescription to adhrug store and had the
druggist dissolve it before gave it to me
cousin. Some of these women think they
know iyiry thing.
Me cousin got able to sit up in bed and
ate bafe tay, and thin he called for the pa
pers, and when he read that fuss they
were making about the fact that me cousin
interested in the "McGarrahan claims" he
was sick again. Some of those editors want
to be kilt entirely Onybody wild shpark
of manhood would do the same as me cous-
in does in that mather. McGarrahan is as
much rilative of me cousin as | am, and
don't you suppose if l had such a claim, me
cousin would shtick by me if promised to
divide. Indade but he would. Misther
McGarrahan is a cousin TO meself, and like
wise of me cousin Ulissus. His name was
originally William McGrant, but many yares
since he wint to Mixico, and long residence
among the greasers has compelled him to
adopt their habits, as well as to change his
name somefhat.
"McGarrahan" is the Spanish for Nc
Grant"
Wild that explanation it ought to be aisy
for ony body wild ordinary intelligence to see
fhy me cousin takes an interesht in having
his claim for six million dollars worth Of