The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-09-24
WIT AND WISDOM

COOP ToAsT Fer THE TMRs.-The fol
lowing toast was given at late public
meeting: The 7imeS-They require more
sowng-more hoeing-more mOwing-less
importing expOrting-less presump-
tion-more gumption-less consumption
more redemption, and less suspension Of
specie paying"
A PAPER is going the rounds about girl
in Chester. Vermont, dying from tight
lacing An editor, commenting on the
fact, says: Those corsets should be done
away with, and if the girls can't live With
out being squeezed, We suppose men can be
| found who woul,i sacrifice themselves. As
old as We are, we would rather devote
three hours a day, without a cent OF pay
as brevet corset, than see these girls
dying of in that manner. Office hours
almost any time"
FAsmoN-We laugh heartily to see a
whole flock of sheep jump because one did
20. Might not one imagine that superior
beings 10 The same by Us, and for exactly
the 's4ne iyy4sozs. GrcUiLie-
A GOOD story is told Of a clergyman re-
siding at Calais, Maine. In the kindness
Of his heart the reverend gentleman invited
foot passenger to get into bis wagon and
ride The clerical gentleman asked bis
companion if be was prepared to die,
whereupon the latter leaped from the wagon
and fied to a place Of safety, doubtless con
sidering the question synonymous with
your money or your life."
Ir is common saying that the lower
order Of animals have not the vices Of man,
Vet il j. certain that some Of the insects are
back bters, and all the quadrupeds are tail
bearers.
A LAZY man accounted for the fact that
be could not rise early il the morning By
saying that be could make up BIZ mind to
rise early, but could not make up his body.
An Alabama editor in putting grocery
kept by a woman, says: {" Her tomatoes
are az red a. her own cheeks her indigo
as blue as her own eyes, and her pepper
as hot as her own temper.
A PARRY of young men we're telling what
they would do if .bey we're sh:pwrecked far
out at sea, and left butftting with the waves
without a plank to sustain them. Eich one
gave his opinion excepting Paddy Murpny,
who. after benE asked, replied " Bad cess
10 ye for a cowardly >et of spalp peens, ye'd
all be after savin' yourselves, an not thry-
ing to save anuther Why IT'S Paddy
Murphy that would swim 10 shore an save
himself an thin come back and save an
uther."
SOME mischievous wags, one night. pulled
IN a turner's sign, aud put over law
ycrs door ID the morning il read all
sorts IF turning and twisting done here"
4 very fat man being measured for a
pair Of pantalOOns, gave directions tnat they
should be large and full a. he liked them
loose. When be cane to try on new ~
mentonables, be found that they stuck tight
to his legs, whereat be demonstrated. " | told
5nlnrraIory r-rSTesssosss " protahe 'aataFe,
tAs tasl4.s -ended the controversy by declaring,
dink desc pants is full enough; if they
was any fuller they would split II
I TnE QUEENS MoTTo.-Two Welshmen,
recently imported fresh to the metropolis,
on passing through a street, the one sudden
ly arrested the other, saying Davey
look look you there That chap i a
Juare dealer, whatever! !" What was it,
Watkin p inquired Dsvey. why, that
chap was a quare dealer. | say" (point-
\ ING TO the royal arms. and the motto, 4" Honi
soft qui NAL y pense, look you, Davey,
be do sell honey, suet, 4uills, maxi, and
pens"
The following dialogue on sharp shoot
ing i reported to have taken place between
Virginia and Yankee picket ;--'' | say,
can you fellows shoot - Wall, | exon
we can some Down in Mississippi we can
knock humble bee off a thistle bow at
three hundred yards" sob, that amt
nothing to the way we can shewt up in
Yarmouth | belonged to a military com
pany ther, with hundred men in the com
pany, and we wont out for practice every
week The capt'n draws Us up in single
file, and sets a cider barrel rolling down th
bill, and each man takes his shot at the
bung hole as it turns up Il il afterwards
examined, and if there il a shot that didn't
20 in the bung hole, the number who missed
it is expelled. belonged to the company
ten years, and there amt been nobody ex
pcllad vet