Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1870-01-21

lECHNICALITlES. Il onCa heard pretty
good thing in the Supreme Judicial Court at
Portland. The case was one OF severe assault
upon the first officer Of Y ankeo barque, by
one OF the crew, which assault occurred on
shore. Judge s. was upon the bench. He
ives very small man; very neat IN dress. and
very fas!idious resting firmly upon his judicial
dignity; first class lawyer, and wlthal inclln-
ed to be self sufficient and orusty. No attor-
ney at the bar ever vcnured to take llbertles
with Judge S ---.
The principal witness in the present case
was an old weather beaten sailor named Jack
Miller. Now Jack was called to testify against
his shipmate, as he had witnessed the assault,
and had luteriered to terminate it ; but he was
anxious to tell rs little against his chum as
possible, and, furthermore, to soften down and
eXcuse what he did tell; and this led him to
be little rambling in his testimony. The
Judge had been making notes with pencil,
and as Jack was wandering off into ansunneces
Sary explanation, he lifted bis head, and evi
dcntly forgetting tor the moment the exact
standing OF the witness. with his mind partial
ly upon his notes, he testify exclaimed, Come,
Mitness- al rem, nd prOpoSitum Don't wan
der So
The witness stopped, and then winked and
looked wonderingly. lie repeated tho abstruse
words to himselfa as nearly as he could pro-
nounce them, and then, with earnest simplicity
asked
"Your honor, what..does them words mean?"
Never mind, +" returned the judge, with
wave Of the hand. They are technical terms,
used in law. not for men in your position to
understand.
There was titter in the court room as poor
Jack turned, rather crest fallen, back to the
examining counsel. Pretty soon the witness
sought to explain that his shipmate, when he
made the assault, was not himself. Said he,
half to the counsel, and half to the jury.
"rom was pootty hard on for it. He'd splice
the main brace, an doubled the tub, and tap
ped the admiral more'n-"
The little smooth head Of Judge s. bob.
bed up at this point.
'Stop witness; don't comprehend. What
do YOU mean, by doubling the tub, tapping
the admiral, and other equally ambiguous ex'
pressiOns?'
Jacks eyes snapped just single spark, and
then his face was as calm and serene as the
bark Of an old gnarled oak.
"Why, your honor" he replied with patro'
nizinp respect and Difference, 'thems tcchnl-
cal terms, used on shipboard, which it aren't
expected as men in yer honor's position would
understand
While his honor was subsiding, litter broke
loose in the court room, which would have
svclIed TO a roar, If the sheriff had not sternly
bitten his lips and loudly commanded 'order y
TIE WIDoW's VICTIMS. There appears, on
a certain day, in each of the daily papers 40
advertisement setting lorth> that young wild
ow LADY, oircfnemcnt, education, beauty and
wealth, intends to make the tour OF the conti-
uent, and wishes to engage, as companion
aud protector, young gentleman OF refinement
and cultivation, who will receive liberal sala-
ry and have all his expenses paid. That brings
a crowd of the prettiest young men in town to
tho Office Of the Unemployment Bureau man
who acts as her agent. Each takes him aside
and says quite confdcntalIy, My dear fellow,
If you get this engagement for me, will give
you''-- twenty five or Hlty dollars, as the case
might bc,) Then the agent says, My dear
sir, DON think | ought to do it, but still, |
like your looks and think the lady will-yes. |
am sure she will, and have Influence with her;
so lust take note from me, see her, aud come
back" Each understands that come back
1t means come down after the engagement Is
obtancd' Each aud all see her in turn, in a
magnificent brown stone mansion, and they mud
her very pretty, very smart; and when she seems
TO take o great fancy to each 10 his order, anu
engages him as her companion at asp'endio
solarv each pronounces her an exceedingly
charming woman, anu hiuae'! o'' y, wv ~
lest men alive. She engages them all, and tney
,II returp and pay the agent his handsome Zee.
Tha next day the Office is closed the reni has
Laan about due, and this was the grand coup
nf tho agents art o close in Il blaze OF probes
s;,uaI elorv, "bilking" even the landlord and
the man from whom he hired his furniture. As
tor the beautiful Young widow, the places
which knew her know her no mure. She
vnly engaged board for week in the brown
stone mansion, and left before the week was
up.-Chicngo Tribune.