Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1870-03-03
DINING WITH 4 CANNIBAL.
BY Mark Twain.

BY Mark Twain.
Ar SEA, Pacific Ocean,
November 20. 1859.
Just at this instant" continued the
King, s.she reached him, and he was savedl
for, as the shark opened his great jaws, she
thrust her Raboosh between them, noble
girl propped them wide apart, ran her
arm down his throat, into his gullet, and
recovered the gentleman's watch Come
here, child, and show the foreigner the
sharks tooth-marks on your shoulder"
IL see, see. 1t was an intrepid deed.
1t was noble to save the poor white man
from so CHASTITY death. And this is the
girl that taught you to add bread-fruit to
the poi,"
..Yes, the same-the very same. To
four-finger poi, you understand-not to all
sorts i will show you-I will make you
understand In the Sandwich Islands and
the Marquesas they make poi out of taro-
root only. Then. you know, they wouldn't
dream Of. However, 1 was going to
tell YOU The natives takes the tara-root,
which is much like what you describe s
turnip to be, and wraps it in plantai,i
leaves, and puts it in hole in the ground
which he has lined with hot stones, don't
you see?-covers it up, lets it roast. Takes
it out, pounds it in a great stone dish with
large stone pestle; adds water to this
mash, from time 70 time, to thin it He
sets it away Gt is poi, now In large Gala
bashes. ytlooks like so much -four paste.
At meals aii the family and friends sit
around the calabash ON their launches,
Just as you or | are doing-except that the
poor common KGndLcds are naked, of
course. Oh no, my friend-because you
see me, the great King, in short collar and
spectacles, you must not imagine that the
common subject must ape grandeur and
put on clothes. They sit around the Gala
bash, and all eat from il with their hands.
Each inserts his fingers and stirs them
briskly around till portion of the pulpy
mss adheres to them-then tits back his
head, let's the suspended tail of the pulp de-
scend into his open mouth-then his fin
gers follow, and he sucks the remainder
rom them Now if the pulp be thick, you
can use one finger; if it be thinner, you
must use two, or three, or four fingers, ac-
cordingly. Bat, as told you, it was this
inspired girl that invented the method of
thickening four finger poi with bread-fruit
and also favoring it with carcasses Of the
delicious bird which in your tongue you
term the grasshopper."
BLESSED girif
Blessed girl, indeed But pardon me
you-you seem distressed"
s'It is nothing. Poi, even in its native
nastiness, is only mildly delicious to me
the addition to it of the wild game you
mention"
'.Ah. say no more perceive But try
Ais dish. 1t is a fry of bananas and plan
tains, with oranges sliced in it and just
spoonful or so of the delightful chirimoya
added to give it tone. I conceived the idea
of adding the angleworms.
at was inspiration.
II SO regarded it. 1t is so considered by
the great chiefs. To the common herd it is
.dbu- That is to say prohibited. Now as
regards those missionaries" continued the
King, refectiyely scratching his head with
the fork which 1 had presented him, and
which he had already learned to use a good
deal, though not always in strictly legiti-
mate way, ''as regards those mission
ar1es. 1 Will say, that their landing
here was unexpected, but / hastened
to give them every protection. And
gave them full privilege to teach. They
were the frs. whites that some Of my peo-
pie had seen, and of course these simple
natives had natural curiosity to expert
ment upon them, / could not reas onsbly
deny them this little qualification, though
counseled them to practice as little cruelty
upon the strangers as was G. patible with
q fair desire for information and the neces-
sity of wholesome amusement. They re-
moved Johnson's EMS, and that was thing
which regretted seriously until it was e1-
planned to me that great chiefs little sick
child desired them to play with, and if you
could have seen how much more contented
and restful the poor young thing was after
it acquired them, you would have felt how
blessed thing it is to be able to contrib
ute to the happiness of even little child
1T was the impulse of a generous heart
it was a spirit of hberality rare as it is
beautiful. And how did johnson like it?'
''Oh. Johnson said it was the will of God.
It was like Johnson to say that. But the
missionaries were right well treated, on the
whole. The natives tried various interest
ing experiments upon them, such as scorch-
ing them, and scalping them, and all that
sort OF thing, and killed one of them my
self, not in malice, but because l had
curious caprice to see how he would go
with euions. He was q failure. Old and
tough. Underdore, my todhine said-a
shade to venerable 1 said. Give me pun
geney and tenderness for a combination.
Onions and infancy is my idea of comfort.
But here comes dish which you will like,
my good haols-baked dog and ysms-pro-
ject your teeth in this direction, and nip
this slice from the contrivance you
call fork. A man, if he be any
to like this dish. 1t Is, par ercelltnce the
national dish-no lu1u is complete without
it. A hsaa is q grand feast, nay friend
that is what the word means Do you
know that the edible dog of this land is
perfectly proper and elegant beast for hu-
man consumption! 1t is even So He is
never, never allowed to touch meat. He is
fed wholly on poi-a strictly vegetable
diet. He is reared In the house sleeps
with his owner, male or female-rides
horseback with them-travels in the boat
with them-is their inseparable pet and
companion. They love him tenderly in
life, and in death they turn not away from
him. They eat him. They stuff his body
full Of plaintains, bananas, yams, and 9TH
er dainties, and cook him among hot stones
buried in q hole in the ground. Not a
breath of the aroma, not drop of he
combined juices escapes. You people
don't know how to cook. No. as was
saying, the Kanakas experimented good
deal on the missionaries. in the inter-
est of science, and thus the experiments
were generally fatal, though urged them
not to waste the missionaries, for we could
not know when we would have another lot
But among those that surviv d was Will
hams, and it was he that sent home those
damaging reports to yo ur country. in which
he spoke of the treatment of his brothers
in a peevish, fault-fnding spirit, i'll becom-
ing to his sacred calling. / suppose your
people believed every word of 1t, and just
jumped to the conclusion that we were a
bad, inhospitable race. Never explained
about Johnson's ears, perhaps ?-never told
iehy killed that other fellow ?-confound
me, it does seem to me that some people
take pleasure in misrepresenting things,
and bringing obloquy upon their fellow
creatures. Sometimes feel as if I had
rather be dead and at rest The world
seems so shameless in its Judgments, and
ones life is so embittered by the malicious
criticisms of those whose hearts are not in
sympathy with him."
1T tcas pitiful IN that Williams after all
IL = F.