Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1870-12-01
AS AN ADVERTISING mE,D1r1,,
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
"a pound ofFleshp-A prize fie, +.

Connecticut granted 491 divorces last
year.
A miss is better than q mile-of mis-
ters.
Is it fair to define baby-clothes as
'bawl' dresses:
The best marriage gift-A policy in
the Washington Life
Vermont has man with beard seven
feet long.
The sort of fruit most sought after ty
edit .Ts-The latest dates.
Southern Virginia has had the unu-
suai luxury of snow storm.
Massachusetts is making large quanti.
ties of cartridge paper for France.
Why is the letter Y like a prodigal
son? Because it makes pa pay!
1t is mistake to suppose the sun is
suppc cr'ed in the skies by its beams.
Why is the sun like good loaf? Be-
cause 1t Is light when it rises.
The modern (K)night Errand(t)-A
husband sent for the Doctor.-Judy.
Omaha boasts of watch and chain
containing over 81 coo worth of gold.
The population of Utah is placed at &c.
1858 by the census.
Official census returns gives kansas a
population of 353, AIS.
Very affecting-A volume of smoke.
1t will always bring tears to your eyes.
However much a pawnbroker's shop
may be crowded, it is always loan
sum" place.
Provide for old age and infirmity by
insUring in the Mutual Life Insurance
Company of Chicago.
A charming girl in Covington, Ohio
last week giggled to the extent of dislo,
eating her lower jaw.
The elephant Empress was sold the
other day FOR 1000, and tore down $500
worth of stable the following evening.
The orator who held the attention OF
his hearers breathless is to be proceeded
against for sufiocation.
Mr.. J. Z. Brown, an Indiana man
shot and killed himself because his wife
wouldn't consent to move 20 Kansas.
Mrs. Brown was right.
A Philadelphia German advertises 'a
dark complicated mule, blind in one eye,
Roman nose and lame in one leg"
Darling it's bedtime. All the chick
ems have gone to bed" 'Yes, mamma,
and so has the old hem"
JUVENILE: Mother says will you give
her change for dollar. She'll send the
dollar in tomorrow"
a waiter-girl in New Orleans nearly
lost her life by some brute setting fire to
her waterfall.
A little girl asked her brother what
was capital punishment, and he said he
thought that it was being locked up in
the cupboard with the jam and other
nice things.
y fop, just returned from a continental
tour, was asked how he liked the ruins
of Pompeii. Not very we'll" was the
reply; they are SO dreadfully out of re-
pair"
Grace-"I am going to see Clara to
day. Have you any message?" Char
lOtte-"I wonder how you can visit that
dreadful girl, Give her my love-"
One of the miseries of life is to be beat
en- in an ar ument, and Immediately af-
terward to think OF some expression
which would hdve totally annihilated
your opponent.
4 quarrel between two brothers in
Indiana over the ownership of q barrel
of salt, which commenced a couple Of
years ago, has just been settled, at cost
to one of them of 1852.
A poor man, who, less than one year
ago, had only one suit of clothes, wen
into the newspaper business and now has
eight suits. Seven of them are for libel.
The Traveller says that the three
months from the middle ofJIne to the
middle of September, were warmer at
Boston this year than in any other
during the past 46 years.
Nor EASILY.-A lady declared to as
the other day that she wouldn't be
cook for the whole world" For the
whole world, indeed! We should saw
not. Why, she could never get through
the work.
4 physician being asked by patient
if lie thought a little spirits now and
then would hurt him much, replied, "I
do not know that little occasionally
wouldn't hurt you much; but ifyou don't
take any it won't hurt you at ALL"
OF the twelve surviving widows of
Revolutionary soldiers who are 100 years
of age and over, three live in Maine,
their names, residences and ages being
IS follows: "Anna Planee, of Portland,
100; Happy Mouse, Of Portland, 100; and
Hannah Andrew, ofLowell, lOl.
The greatest joiner-The lawyer. He
can place tenant, empannel jury, box
a witness, bore the court, chisel client,
augur the gains, floor Witness, cut his
board, nail the case, hammer the desk,
file his bill, and shave whole commu-
nifty.
y certain furnishing undertaken for
time listened to the remarks of q COM
mercial agent for a celebrated manufac-
turer OF glue; finally, he replied: lit is
of no consequence in mJ business wheth-
er your glue adheres or not; my custom
ers neverseome back"
A minister said to little boy Johnny,
tell ME where God is and will give you
an orange" Johnny Immediately re
spondeG, "tell me where he is not, and
I'll give you two.'
An Indiana paper tells of lawyer
there VINO charged client $40 for col
leeting 50; but said he would not press
him to pay the other dollar for few
days, if it would be more convenient for
him to let it stand.
After the first battle of Metz King
William asked Bismsrck if such pro-
fusion of smoke and fire did not remind
him of Hades. "Yes your Majesty" re-
piled the blunt Minister, especially as
| observed your Majesty in the midst of
it.
4 Clergyman reading u chapter in tho
Bible for his.eongregatiOn, found HIM
self at the bottom of the page with these
words And the Lord gave Noah wife,