The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1870-11-12
VARIOUS ITEMS.

A high destiny-hanging.
Duplicate bird-the do-do.
For wedding Song-Love knot.
Popular diet in Utah-Spare rib.
Pressed for time-Egyptian mummies.
An unfortunate being-cutting down
abeetree and finding no honey.
A Western merchant advertises "lob-
sters and war maps"
A Missouri minister will marry a man
"cheaper than any opposition firm In the
State"
Every girl attending some of the high
schools of New England has middle
name.
The most exclusive circlc-the Arctic
circle, which no one has succeeded in
getting into
A young lady in the rural districts
likes Mr.. Chromos pictures about as well
as anybody's.
There would have been a serious disa-
greement between two Washington bar>
keepers a day or two ago, but for one
shooting the other dead.
A man named Bradley went out gun
ming in Vermont the other day. with his
powder loose in his coat pocket. Ills
widow is now getting up rattle for his
gun.
A young man charged with being
lazy was asked if he took it from his
father 81 think not" was the reply;
"father's got all the laziness he ever
had"
There is one State in the Union which
nobody can even name without express
ing sense of personal indebtcdness-and
that State of course is Iowa.
How to learn singing: Go into some
store and lift few ''notes," this being
the first lesson you may subsequently
learn what is meant by bars
4 Western writer says the initials s.
c. in S. G. Abbott's name are presumed
to stand for Sold Completely, SO far as his
views respecting the French Empire are
concerned
Anna Dickinson now begins her lect-
ures by firing off the conundrum, s'Why
was l born?" We give it up, sorrowfully
it is true; but we never were much at
conundrums.
A lady in Sacramento killed her hus-
band, lately, just because she found him
riding out with another woman Are we
men to have no protection in our harm
less recreation?
Two Kentucky church members had
an argument as whether it was orthodox
for one to turn his cattle into the others
cornfcld. Before the argument closed
there was a double barreled shot gun and
funeral
4 Davenport, Iowa, paper tells of
colored man who was caught in the gear
ing ola brick machine, and crushed to a
jelly. The negroes are trying to sell the
remains of the deceased as blackberry
jam.
A dramatic version of ''Shoo Fly. was
given in Philadelphia, lately. Two wo-
men got into a fight and one of them
kicked the other iuto funeral anticipa-
tions. 1t is supposed that there were hard
feelings between them.
Leo Hudson is out West with her
horse playing "Lady Godiva,' who, it
will DE remembered, took equestrian exer-
else with nothing bur her earrings on
Leo is doing one better than the Lady
by leaving off the ear rings.
A cortempory says that New York
man, who had not b. en- out of the city
for many years, tainted away at the pure
air of the country. He was only resusci-
tated by putting s. dead fish to his nose
when he slowly revived, exclaiming,
''That's good, it smells like home?
\ little four year old boy sat on the
piazza, when new physician came to see
his sick mother. The doctor naturally
wished to make acquaintances, and said,
"lIow old are you my son?' I'm not
old, I'm new, said the boy.
A recent sermon of Spurgeon's con-
tains sentence which will be as much
appreciated here as in England; "Brcth-
ren," said Spurgeon, sit God had referred
the ark to Committee on Naval Affairs,
in ny opinion it would not have been
built yet.
Olive Logan, speaking of the Fifteenth
Amendment, says it is time We " lifted
the white woman to our lips" We have
felt that way long time, but we like
those the best who are tall enough to
undergo the operation without ''lifting." ;"
Henry Dart, negro brother of come
body, thought he was pile driver, and
dropped from a four story window in
Boston, head first to the sidewalk. The
stone stood it, aud Darts rooms are to
let
A Western editor accuses another of
having stolen his report of meeting,
which was recognized by certain ear
marks. The retort courteous is that the
first editor sishould tie his ears over the
top of his head while writing, to keep
them out of the ink bottle.
A Boston paper says that the ST.
Louis law licensing prostitution is to be
changed SO that men visiting such places
must take out license to continue their
infamous practices. 1t wickedly adds
This will be death-blow to the prospects
of getting the National Capital there
The mcdicos Of California, in solemn
council assembled, have refused to per-
nit females become members OF their
society, which proves how ungallant and
unprogressive are the disciples OF
ESCULAPIUS.
A correspondent writing from China,