The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1870-11-17
Wit and HatnaOr.

Mt and HatnaOr.
An ill-bred mana sick baker.
A grave affair-the last ditch
A tail that never wags-a cart tail.
Beasts Of the feld-drunken reapers.
Floating capital-rich people in bathing
Pleading at the bar-begging for a drink
=, What is home without piano? Very
q li't.
What part Of speech is kissing? A con
junction. ..l. 5-s,.s.5-s
"Dick," said certain lawyer to a coun-
try maa who was considered more fool than
knave, ''what would you call the two great
est curiosties in the world 2" Why re-
piled Dick, IAN honest lawyer, and river
on fire"
A fashionable clergyman in Maine took a
pious plain old lady Of his congregation to
see some gay Improvements in his meeting
house, and asked; "What do you think Of
this frescoine? 2" to which she replied, "Wall,
brother, l think this frisco is born of the dew
H."
~ remember" says the celebrated Wesley,
clearing my father say to my mother, GLOW
could you have the patience to tell that block
head the same thing twenty times ?'-
"Why," said she "if [ bad only told him
nineteen times should have lost all my Ia
Dor"
A refined way CT chroniciing ordinary
eveuti is exhibited by a Cincinnati reporter,
who says that ga quadruped genus Capricorn,
denominated Billy, took umbrage at Blue
grass bellies Grecian bend, and went for it.
The impact of the goats head accelerated the
lady's Andalusian glide considerably
CURE FOR ANGER.-Humility is the most
natural cure for anger in the world for he
that, by considering his own infrmties and
faiIiugs, makes the error Of his neighbor or
servant to be his own case, and remembers
that he daily needs Gods pardon and his
brothers charity, will not be apt to rage at
the levities, or misfortunes, or indiscrctions
of another; greater than which he considers
that he is frequently and more iuexcusably
guilty Of.
JEtL9usY AT NINETY Sikh Lincoln
county there lives an aged couple by the name
Of Greely-Thomas Greedy, aged ninety six,
and his wife, aged ninety FIVE. They were
married over seventy years ago, and lived
happily together as man and wife until with
in the last few weeks. Bnt the joys Of the
honeymoon could not last forever, and the
transient happiness that it promised was des-
tined to be eclipsed, for it came to pass in this,
as in many other cases before and since, that
the course of true love between this pair of
nuptial century plants did not proceed with
out a rifle, and the green eyed monster cloud
ed the optics of the lord of the household.
Not to put too fine point on matters, he
grew exceedingly jealous of his better half,
and Thomas Greedy and his wife have scpa
rated on that account. A reporter will soon
furnish US the name of the gallant Lothario
who caused all the trouble CaJeH Press
'If you want business done,' says the pro-
verb, Ego and do it; if you don't want it
done, send some one else" An indolcnt gen
tlcman had freehold estate, producing about
five hundred year. Becoming much in
volved in debt, he sold half the estate, and
let the remainder to an industrious farmer for
twenty years. About the end of the term,
the farmer called to pay his rent and asked
the owner whether he would sell his farm
"Will you buy it ?" asked the owner, sur
prised.
"Yes, if we can agree about the price,"
'That is exceedingly strange observed
the gentleman 'pray tell me how it happens
that while | could not live upon twice as much
land for which I paid no rent, you are fegu-
larly paying me two hundred year for your
farm and are able in a few years to purchase
it."
"The reason is plain" was the reply; 'you
sat still and said Go! I got up and said
come You lay in bed and enjoyed your es-
tate; rose in the morning and minded my
business
EANIIy DIFFERENcES -Perhaps IN tho