The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1870-02-21
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A correspondent of the Chicago Tribune
gives the following comical account of some
recent occurrences in the Committee of Ways
and Means:-
"Here is an instance Of the wisdom of this
right noble committee
'For several years there has appeared on
the tariff list an article called alkakange, and
by the name it was supposed to be some
powerful drug, and to it was uniformly at
taehed high duty. Many times, when the
puissant committee reached this word, it was
suggested to reduce the duty, but straightway
the high-tarif committeeman rose to their
feet and denounced any attempt to inter-
fere with the protection of this valuable
article.
"'Redeuce the duty on alkalange?' said Mr..
Kelley, and it is thus that the wages of the
Ame-er-ek-e-an leaybereur are to be
re-de-euced2 Is an inde-e-eus-te-re-y to be
thus ruthlessly exposed to foreign ce-ompeti-
tion? oppose the amendment of this duty,
and ceall eupon me bretheren of the kemeitee
to jeoin me.
'Up rises Horace Maynard.
"I move to raise the duties on alkakange
from sixty TO six hundred per cent!
"'Och SSsmithereens bedad hullebeloo! Z!
cries Dionysius Dennis O'McCarthy, of SYRIA
cuse, speaking in the incest Portuguese ac-
cent, is me hearts delight and the perride
of me kentry, alkakange, to receive no pro-
tectionp Shades Of blarney and Onondaga
forbid it
'T am compelled, says Schenck, TO vote
against any reduction of the time-honored
duty on alkakange. At this time, in particu-
lar, it requires our most delicate nurturing !!
''Mr. Hooper puts his hand to his rearward
coat-tail pocket, and says he:-
'Alkakange was regarded by James Otis,
Samuel Adams, Cotton Mather, and Oakes
Ames as worthy of the fostering care of the
nation. Duty and tradition compel me to
vote for its retention but at this special juno
ture do not feel called upon to say that it
requires more protection.
" The lumber forests of Michigan, says
Austin Blair, 'murmur through their vast re-
cesses: protect our tenderest sister, the pride
of our solitude, alkakangen
Nov, few months ago, some obstinate
free-trader, coming to the name 'alkakange,
said aloud
"'What in the devil is Alkalange, anyhow
"Deoes the geenteil-mean not kneow p
said Kelley.
"'Heres freshness!" says Austin Blair.
'Bludanouns! cries Mccarthy, did ye
iver hear sich ignerince?'
'Alkakenge! says Maynard, need never
ask the friends of our industry to describe it,
''But this implacable free-trader sent for
an unabridged dictionary, and looking it all
through, he found no such work as dlkG-
Range. He got no more instruction from a
cyclop@dia. He asked in vain of DR.. Ure's
Dictionary of Science and Arts. The faces
of the committee grew very long. Some one
suggested that any druggists apprentice
could tell
$50 they sent to New York for a first-class
chemist and paid him mileage and per diem,
and said he;-
"'It's my belief that there's no such thing
in all the length and breadth of the pharma-
copoeia"
cations of collapse.
'At last they raked out of the gulf of the
Government printing Office an ancient proof
reader, and asked him to account for
dlhdkdng6.
HE put on three pairs of spectacles and a
green shade over his eyes, and took up the
printed list ..
WE'LL he said, this beats natur and
Gineral jackson, in whose administration /
was appointed. Gentlemen, nineteen years
ago lot of quads, quoins leads, and old
types, that we used to ballast the tariff forms
with, riz up unexpected through the fat mat
ter of the tariff list, and they accidentally
spelled out the word aLkakangie. 'spose
that you've bin laying big duties on aka
kdngie ever since y
LILO Olu pIOOl-IcduoT put Ills uduuS Oh
his hips, took off his spectacles, and laid
down on the floor of the Ways and Means
Committee, and laughed and rolled for the
space of three-quartsrs of an hour. By the
time he got up, Kelley had been round tc
the Government printing Office and got him
discharged.
ga special meeting of the committee was
at once called, and Mr.. Mccarthy rose:-
"'I move ye, sur, that the article known as
GltGkange be put upon the fraa list =
"I object, says Horace Maynard move
to substitute 500per cent
GO 4 am weilleing, says Kelley, in deep basso,
TO be gueided in theis einstence by preopel
regeard for the eopeineons Of me keolleagues,
and second the meoteon.'
"The next day Mr.. Schenck arose in the
House and said that the committee had made
a material reduction in the tariff. ALtGkengit
had been added to the free list.