The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-04-19
H U M oRoUS IT EMS .


question proposed for discussion Can
big man ache harder than little man ?"
BslS~ If you want policeman it's ten
20 one you won't find him; but if you
don't want him, it's hundred to one
he 1oiW find you!
Bssy" The man who put together seven
joints of stove pipe without swearing
turns out to be a graduate of deaf and
dumb asylum.
psg" Don't trouble yourself to stretch
your mouth any wider" said dentist to
his patient; Il intend to stand outside
to draw your TOOTH"
BSS~ Last week a man fell little in
his own estimation, but soon recovered
This circumstance should caution others
against entertaining very high opinions
Of themselves.
BSg~ In public office in Western
city the following notice may be seen
Lost-A valuable new silk umbrella,
belonging to gentleman with a ouriously
carved head"
BGy" An 1rishman, confined in Wis
consin Jail, on being asked what trade he
would choose when at the penitentiary at
Waupun, replied: Shoemaking is a
purity good thrade, but if they allow me
to take me choice, I'll be sailor p
Reag" Humble as l am," said bully
ing spOuter to mass meeting of the un-
terrified, Il still remember that I am a
fraction, Of this magnificent republic"
You are indeed" said bystander,
E" and vulgar one into the bargain"
Ba~ An Irishman having jumped into
the water to save man from drowning,
upon receiving six-pence from the per-
son as reward for his service, looked
first at the sixpence then at him, and at
last exclaimed, Be jabers, am over
paid for the job d!
Beg A little boy in Hudson, N. Y, on
returning home from church, was asked
by his mother to give the text. After
a thoughtful pause, the little fellow re-
piled, 1t was something about hawk
between two pigeons" The text was,
"Why haltye between two opinions Z"
Ba~ The first line of hymn given out
at a prayer meeting so excited the curl
osity Of a little girl that on returning
home she asked for an explanation the
line as she heard it was
"Mike Rimes bird and long have been,
A patient ingenuity and an old hymn
book solved the mystery. The original
OF the above translation was
"My crimes burden long have BEEN"
Dsg~ Miss wilkins was a beautiful
blonde, and she wanted to go to Brighton
so she told her mother-to look for
something particular for her dear papa
And what is it, pray" asked her
mother, " that you wish SO much to find
for our dear papa 2"
A son-in-law," was the gentle reply
of the blushing maiden.
Sag~ A lady occupying room, letter
B, at a hotel in New York, wrote on the
slate as follows: Wake letter b at Z;
and if letter b says Let her be- don't
let her be, nor let letter B be, because if
you let letter b be, letter b will be unable
to let her house to Mr. B, who is
to call at halfpast TO-" The porter, a
much better bootblack than orthograph-
ist, after studying the above all MI ght,
did not know whether to wake letter Is or
to " let her be-"
D9~ A negro preacher in Louisiana re-
Gently got off the following for the benefit
Of his hearers You think de Lord
amt bout heah all de timel If you du4
you is mistaken. One time lie met de
debble walkin' round like rorin' lion
and de Lord say: guine to put you into
de pit for II thousand years an got
great mind to put you in dar for two
thousand years; after dat, if I cotch you
roun' again III put you in dar foreber,
ifs got tc do it at de pint Oh dc 6ayo-
net."
Da~ It was long while ago that a
New Hampshire judge, in charging a