National opinion. [volume] (Bradford, Vt.) 1865-1874, 1870-12-30
Wit and Wisdom.

Foolng with horse pistol WAS the
verdict of 'coroner's jury in Utica.
An Iowa farmer going to market on a
load of hay, enjoyed a smoke. The iron
work of the wagon was saved
A man living in Kansas City has full
set Of furniture made of the tree on
which his father was hung ten years ago.
A little girl wants to know if fleas are
white, because, her uncle told her that
Mary had Il little lamb with heas ~
white as snow.
An Illinois postmaster gives notice as
follows After this date everybody must
lick their own postage stamps, for my
tongues tired"
A couple of farmers in Hardin county,
Iowa, went to law five years ago over S25.
The suit Just ended, and both farmers
had to sell their farms to pay the costs.
Fancy, said Sidney Smith to some
ladies when he was told that one Of the
giraffes at the geological Garden had
caught cold, "a giraffe with two yards of
sore throat"
In Boston poor man who, less than
clothes, went into the newspaper bust
ness, and now has eight suits. Seven of
them are for libel
"Mr Jones, I understand you said l
sold you barrel of cider that had water
in il. "No, no., was the reply, Il
only said that you sold me "A barrel OF
water with little cider in it..
A young lady, at an examination in
grammar, was asked why the moan
"bachelor was singular She replied
Immediately with much naivete, Be
cause 1t is very singular they don't get
married.
A Salem man sold piece of land long
since to the Eastern Railroad for a free
pass for life over the road and all its
branches for himself and brother and
their wives, and the investment proved
most profitable one to him.
/ at is pleasing thing to reflect up
on, says Dickens, and furnishes com
plete answer to those who contend for
the gradual degeneration of the human
Species that every baby born into the
world is a finer one than the last
Creditor: "How often must climb
three pair of stairs before | get the
amount of this little account ?" Debtor:
"Do you think | am going to rent
place on the first floor to accommodate
my creditors ~
Belle Lyman, n young belle of Council
Bluffs, attempted to elope from her home
the other day. Her father caught her
/ Just as the train was leaving for the east,
and put her under n febrifuge treatment
of bread and water alternated with mod
crate thrashing.
An extended local item in an Elmira
paper suggests the moral that husbands
desiring to maintain peace and quietness
in their domestic circle, should be care
ful not to swap overcoats with single
gentleman who make their pockets re-
positories for tender epistles from large
circle of female acquaintances
The Philadelphia Nedicd and Surgical
Rerier does not know of any drug
which produces the immediate vet tempo
rarv insensibility which is populsrly sup
posed to follow the use of drugged
liquor" and is of the opinion that the
talk about liquor having been drugged
is only a sort of apology for having been
drunk.
In Indiana. while Mrs. Stanton was
speaking on married life, a young clerk
was no well pleased that he laughed ont
right The speaker standing up in Won
ted nobleness. stopped short and asked,
are YOU married man ?" No, he
replied Mrs Stanton said Young
man, you are entitled to the fairest bride
the city can afford
Troy paper recently printed two ar
ticles, one of which was an obituary mo-
tcc and the other funny anecdote.
The headings accidentally got changed,
aud when the paper appeared the editor
was Mortified To see the obituary notice
headed, a Good Joke" while the fun
ny anecdote was prcfixed with the cap
ton " Sad Announcement"
A, "a recent examination Of one of the
schools in Washington, the question WAS
e put Ia n class Of small boys: "Why il
the Connecticut river 80 called ?" when n
/ bright little fellow put mp his hand.
/ do you know, James p Yes.
r ma am because IL connects Vermont
and New Hampshire, and cuts through
4 Massachusetts was the triumphant
e reply
q The old maids at Sioux City enjoyed 4
banquet ut hotel recently. Mi"
j. Kennedy made the concluding speech,
J. and created n furoro by saying, Let
i. others do as they please as for me, Am
# determined Ia have husband as soon ~
can get one And let ny all see to II,
80 that. when another Thanksgiving Day
:, rolls around, there will not be an old
" maid in Sioux City" The banquet
closed with the song, No one to love.