Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1870-07-19

Percussed his thorax-set him cussing, too =.
Lung fever threatening something OF the sort
Out with the lancet-let him blood-a qaart-sa Z
Ten leeches next-then blisters to his side;
Ten grains of calomel-jus then ne dleo.
The Deacon next required the Doctors care
Took cold by sitting in draught OF air
Pains in the back but what the matter is
Not quite so clear-wife calls it ''rheumatlz Fl
Rubs back with fannel-gives him something
hot
'Ah p says the Deacon, that goes nigh the spot
Next day rigor-run, my little man, 1,s .7e.7
And say the Deacon sends for Doctor Van.
Ihe Doctor came-percusslon as before,
Humping and banging till his ribs were sore
Right side the fattest"-then more vigorous
raDs. fe .-r-+st.s
Fever-that's certain-peurisy. perhaps.
AZ a quart OF blood will ease the PAIN no doubt
Ifen clap blister on the painful part
But first two grains of Aatinso,aiena Tart. ---
Last, with dose of cleansing calomel
Unload the portal system--that sounds well +
But when the self-same remedies were tried,
As all the village knew, the Squire had died;
The neighbors hinted-.this will never do,
He's killed the Squire-he'u kell the Deacon,
too" t i.
Now when doctors patients are perplexed,
consultation comes in order next p So
You know what that is In certain place
Meet certain doctors to discuss case
And other matters, such as weather. crops, sgc
Potatoes, pumpkins lager beer and hops
For what's the use? there's little to be said,
Nine times in ten your mans as good as dead
At best talk (the secret to disclose)
Where three men guess and sometimes one man
knows
The counsel summoned came without delay
Young Doctor Green and shrewd old DR. Gray
They heard the story-'B p DR.. Green,
That's downright murder cut his throat. you
Leeches, the reptiles Why. for pity S sake, Is
Not try an adder or "a rattlesnake?
Blisters Why, bless you, they're against the
It's rank assault and battery if they draw!
Tartrate of Anthony shade of Luke,
Stomachs turn pale at thought Of such rebuke
The portal systeml What's the man about?
Unload your nonsensel Calomels played out!
You've been asleep-youd better sleep away
Till some one calls YOU
''Stopr' says Doctor Gray
| 'The story is you slept for thirty years;
With brother Green | own that it appears
| You must have slumbered most amazing sound;
But sleep once more till thirty years round,
| You II find the lancet in It's honored place,
! Leeches and blisters rescued from disgrace,
Your drugs redeemed from passions passing
scorn,
And counted safe to give to babes unborn"
Poor sleepy Rip, NJ NJ S. S NJ d.,
| A puzzled, serious, saddened man, was he; q
Home from the Deacon's house he plodded slow
And filed one tamper of Elixir Pro-"
| Good bye" he faltered, Mrs Van, my dear!
| l III going 10 Steep, OUT wake, me once a year,
| don't like bleaching in the frost and dew,
| L ii take the barn if all the same to you.
just once year-rememberl no mistake!
| Cry Rip Van Wrinkle, time for you to wake !"
| Watch for the week in May when lay locks blow
For then the Doctors meet and / must go.'
just once year the Doctors worthy dame
Goes to the barn and shouts her husbands name
Come, Rip Van Winkle!" giving him shak e
Rip! Rip Van Winklel time for you wake
Lay locks IN blossom It's the month of May
The Doctors meeting is this blessed day,
And come what will, you know I heard you
swear
| You'd never miss it. but be always therel''
And so it is, as every year comes round,
| Old Rip Van Wrinkle here is always found
| You'll quickly know him by his widowed air,
The hay seed sprinkled through his scanty hair
The lichens growing on his rusty suit
| Who says lie? Does any presume
| Toadstool? No matter-call it mushroom.
| Where is his seat? He moves it every year;
But look, you II find him-he is always here
Perhaps you'll track him by Whit you know
A certain flavor of Elixir Pro"
Now, then, 1 give you-as you seem to think
We can drink healths without drop to drink
Health to the mighty sleeper-long live hei
Our brother Rip, NJ. III. s. s. M. D.!
|