, 1870-07-24
TIT-BITS


At tue arrival Of d ghost, because it il quite
im,nateris1.
"A girl, hearing tho lady Of the house at
diItie1 AK her husband to bring "DoEbey aud
Son" with hin when 10 came home to tea, Lad
two extra Plates OH the supper table.
| -An Ir7thman was challenged to fight
duel. but declined On the ,lea that Le did no.
Wish 10 leaye his mother An orphan
Talk about tue sssauipedaliss Of Eafas
| ChcaEc. Pat Wood, Hho assaulted Cnngress-
man Porter. has just begun sentence that ii
| will take linn three months to finish.
-Wlat is :Ae 1irezonca between u man
parsltEed With fear aud 3 leoparls tail: Ono
Is rooted to the spot, and the other is spotted
| to the root
--old geut (disgusted)e" Here, waiter,
! here's Ala caterpillar in this soup. Wait,r
.appansily-s''.ies, siz. About tho time Of ,Ls
year far en- just now, sis.
aizo Of his understandings, said to him, ssYou
mu1t take cold easily, samt ! Should think
| ypu would Ae cIck al the time "Hoy 40 =
asked Sam. why" repl I'd Tom, :. becaaaa
there's SO much Of ron on the ground
- geptlsfaan IN d pas's Restaurant calls t4o
"Yss, sir, he1e he H. +Look hers, M ST. 81. +
| have found this lair tn my SOUP" :" but
ss fs4 xsalsa I'll sifs' st a sR5s!s 1t
| do you dare send mo strange hair il NV .oup:@
| "A geitlemala ashela clergyman tho Use VI
| lis pulpit for young divine, a relative OF lis.
really do not know" said the clergyman,
| "low to refuse Jou; but il the young man
| ton would be dissatisfied with me Afterwards;
| aud il he should rreacl vorae I lon'e think
| les it to preach at all ....
asStssa 9atsS aaa ~ SsTo ye9se seen them
| "Pra! tell me the difference he.wctn them.
| tr tnther nv Wig II T knnv.~
Quosh Joe: ",fts the es>i .. tnAtt.r
| At once to dtSunxuish The twu;
| At the one sou 20 lntv the H1ter,
AT The other II goes Into you-
In Hel 1un+ on the grave stons Of Mes.
| Brll, Ia this peculiar ye.ss:
| "Dcar ~ sb0n art auh Justly dear,
| One thought shah cheek tnc failing tear.
| It Il that ava .frrs.
Young Lady ito alr, Septiuus Sof iastoa)
-. oh, Ar. Sep;imns II was too bsd OF
you not to accept ouE invitation to dinner On
sunday. Meqnly bad . nasty piece Of roast
leef, but il you had come ~e should have had
Goose
The meeting Of two California puei1ists /.
| thus graphically described ty San Jose pa
Per: "They stripped IN manly style. and
asnt to work. The light was fought inside OF
sixty seconds, we learn, Number said, Art
and threw Linn ten feet the ar, and twi,a
tae distance hsck,' and, aa no came down.
'Hhucksd him one, putting on 4 neat head
Number accepted the apology, and the aGair
ilen Terminated, the party returning about 5
| u'cl.Ik.
The prettier the foot aaa arkla, the esaier
Sro lhe mind 0, speculative cast. the pool
al q Face il an Object Of absorbing interest,
Tia. waa what silsd Bob Haniton's mind. Il
r.s 10 running Oh pools 10 tho SERIOUS detsi-
I1eLt Il lin usual saill in poker. Awake he
L1ooGel over them. AID lis sweetcat dreams
were of the winning pool. Ons sunday he fell
sa!.cp in Church. and, by y pe1yerse coinci
Lence, be axoke Just in time 10 catch iuper~
I fsrftr ttifJ tsat auo{.
or,s aIusion to 'SiiuaH Pool SpYiug1ug to
Ais feet, with b'AeLleg instinct. he cred II
Lid City dollars for second cboics:' The eff
fat Vas c1ectzies1. Two outraged vergeIa
frcm the check he WAs aitting out on the
| cutbrtane-
-.yscuum Cure sthe happy name placea
uTcn tie door OF boarding house in Boston.
On sulsrJ Sunday, sls minister. obserr-
ing quito number OF Lis congregation
asleep, remarked, III most ampkatic man-
ner, Il Saw an Advertisement, list week. for
i've lnnased s!eepers for railroad. think
could supply as least fifty, and recommend
them as good anu sound
in volume on epgran writing recently
Published in London Appea1s the folio sing
| PRETTY turned compliment from LokI..Cha- :
te1fe1d to Miss Ambrose:
"Sar. lovely Tosy, FhsI Iae jest
OF wearing ORANGE on EaJ trt1a+,
Tnen n54.nss, e.. s.ne & efsss ,ss f.
!
va.ed 10 the Office Of country Magistrate.
meeting the Rev. Mr. Thom. Of GSvan. on
horseback. attempted jocularitv bv remarking
that he Vas mure ambitious than his Ma.1ert
who was contont to ride upon IN ass They
csnna be gotten moo" sud Mr. Ihota. '- for
they're y m1de jnBtices q the Peace
"A h;strionic individual, who hiss beard 3
good deal about the theatre Of war. sng-
9ests that the back seasa must be very aesssa-
whar !. , fh;rn.. 41n ronat Ike yecet1-
be: Why, ~hen \ cue cara oeEn nss heed
"A fool, barber, and bald-headed mAn
were travelling together. Losing theE way:
they were forced 70 sleep II ne open y Ut VA "ha h
tn,ns The 1ot 6rst feu 1u the barber, who,
for smusayaent, shared the FOOLS head whila
, he M sleeping. He then awoke him. and the
sI s1.;med. There's pretty mistake; vou have
i awskeued the old bald-hesded msn instead OF
"A Quaker told 4 young mAn just married !:
F" Fnend; thqq s1t now At ne end Ct III thy
il = week the Young man cana back With the
r1tr.idin4 remark i" l Thought vuu told ma
WA At the and Of my troubles!" $50 did, !,
| friend but 1 did not say which end
This Aonpareu eaya uasu passad through
Council Bluns day Or two ago On his return
} to NiesouH. after having tried to i've in Mn
neeota- '4Don's like il up thar" sid be.
'.Have nine months Of winter. and tho reat
Of the time II s ID lxte IN the 14lL
flank said IN affectionate mother the
other dsy to . promising boy, All you don't
stop smoking andteadmg 80 much you will get
20 after while that you won't care auyth1n (
J about work" "aIother." replied the hopeful.
1eisurely removing Serg long aegAr. 81 hasa
got 60 now"
a Missouri editor declares thst he will
never quit editing while God gives him strength
ito swing pencil Or etiek moral eockls bur
uuder The crupper Of loyalty and sham piety' =
"A very polite Ftench,aan, naked xhy ha
J srplanded 70 vehemenuy ut the cloee Of a
, wretched performance, huthful,y rer!ie<l-
J Mon Neu! because il Is ended
, .-"Mamn1a," said little girl to her no.
; "So." was she reply. 'Wen," said abe, N
great Rlee, Il step one foot oveT the ct1b, then
. sss 1ats, md f1ighten tn.saN night ~
Ii some enteETrhing Indiana Judge Wouaa
t ! open court in Russia be could maae ~ Masa
. N day thare - IN = yeAr he1ss ~ one ooesE" =
3 mAn has offered - high ~ Il0,ooo !o1 ol-
t vosee, aud can't get it even At that pss:e;
4 Mrs. Welcb, Of New iosk. dceent oeleso
IN the ran.us. and told tho Marshal 80 " n
words and Agu1es," - tollo1s. soWt !;
= 1Whse nave / 10 do ~id the GuEernmaAe
a Ar ~ w he Ga,esnment7 Ans9er questions;
\ = is Diyil rAn og mes and don't - ssant
IN that door Inn8, CT rAyhe the duyetnmsne
Iii inse his scalp, aDd it raay b. sha tail o.
h ( ii. epst Out rta yez.