The Portland daily press., 1870-02-21
Sc Alkakaune.,,

A correspondent of the Chicago Tribune
gives the following comica account Of soma
recent occurrences in the Committee of Ways
and Means:
Here is an instance of the wisdom of this
right noble Committee.
For several years there has appeared on
the tariff list an article called alkakange, and
by the name it was supposed to be some pow
eriul drug, and to it was uniformly attach ed
high duty. Many times, when toe puissant
committees reached this word it was su Ioest-
ed to reduce the duty, but straigbtway the
high tariff committeeman rose to their feet aud
denounced any attempt 10 interfere with the
protection oil this valuable article.
"' Reduce the duty on alkakauge? said Mr..
Kelley, ard is it thus that the wages OF the
Ame er-ck-e-an leabereur are tC be re-de-euc-
ed? Is an iude e-eus-te-re-y to be thus Iulh-
lessiy exposed to foreign c--ompetI.iou? I
oppose the amendment OF this duty, aud
eeall eupon me beretheren of the kemeitee to
jeoin me-
up rises Horace Maynard:
| raise rue Duties on aIkekaurc
from sixty to SIX hundred per cent?
"'Ocb! smithereens! bedad! hulebelool
| cries DioDysius Dennis OMcCarthy, of s l.
| acuse, speaking in the incest Portuguese ac-
| cent, is me hearts delight and perrioe Of me
| keDtry, alkeken2e, to receive DO piotecuuus
| Shades OF Blarl ey and Ohondaga forbid il!
So am compelled says Schenck, to vote
| against any reduction oil the time honored
duty on alkekange. At this time in partcu-
lar, it requires our most delicate nuIturipgp
Mr.. Hooper puts his hand in his reaIward
coat tail pocket, and says he:
"' A 'kakan9e was regarded by James Otis,
Samuel Adams, Cotton Mather and Oabes
Ames as worthy of the fosteri1g care OF the
nation. Duty and tradition compel me to vote
for its retention; but at this special juncturs
do not feel called upon TO say that it requires
more protection
"'The lumber forests of Michigan saws
Austin Blair. 'murmur through their vast re.
cesses: protect our tenderest sister, the pride
of our solitude, alkekangep
Now. lew months ago, some obstinate
iree-trader, coming to the name alkakange,,
said aloud:
"'What in the devil is Alkakange, any
how?'
"'Deoes the geenteil-mean neot knsows'
said Kelley.
"'Here's fresbnessv says Austin Blair.
Budanouns! cries Mccarthy, did ye iv.
er hear sich isnerinceP
AlkakangeP says Maynard, need never
| ask the friends OF our industry 70 describs IT,
But this implacable flee-trader sent tor au
unabridged dictionary, and looking it all
through, be found no such word as ALkakgn0s.
lie got no more instruction from a eyclop1-
dia. He asked Ia vain OF DIR. UurSs Dsctlou.
ary OF Science and Arts. Tbe faces Vt tho
committee grew very long. Some one suz-
gested that any druggists apprentice could
tell.
$50 they sent to New York fora irstelas
chemist and paid HIM mileage and per diem.
and said he:
"'Its my belief that there's no such u IN.
In all the length and breadth Of the phArms.
eopeia?
Here the high tariff folks exhibited Incl.
cations OF collapse.
AT hast they raked out Of the government
printing office an ancient proofEe1der, and
asked him 10 account tOr dlkdkaRqs.
He put on thr~e pairs Of speetacles and q
| green shade over his eyes, and took up the
| printed list.
"'wellF he said. this beats natur aud Gin.
/ eral JecksoD, IN whose administration / was
| appointed. Gentlemen, nineteen years sso,
i lot u quads, quoins, leads and Old type, that
| we used TO ballast the tariff forms with, ria
/ up unexpected through the tat matter Of the
/ tariff list, aud they accidentally spelled out Tho
i word dLkdkdn0e. 1 'spose that you've bin q
ayng big duties on lGikakaRge ever sinceP
"The old prool-reader put bis hands on his
hips, took oil his spectacles, aud lai down on
| the toor OF the Ways AMI Means Committee.
and laughed and ro led tor the space OF three.
quarters Of an hour. BY the time he had got
up Kelley had gone round to the government
printing otiiee and got him discharged.
"A special meeting OF the committee wa, at
once called, and Mr.. Mccarthy rose:
"I move ye, sur, that the article known as
| oltdkdngie be put upon the fraa listp
AZ object says Horace Maynard; move TO
substitute 500 per cent?
| ~ am willing says Kelley, in deep bassc,
ito be gueided in theis einstance by preoper
REGARD for the copeireons Of me keolieaguss.
and second the meoteon.'
| "The next day Mr. Schenck rose In the
House and said that the committee had made
| material reduction n the tarih. ALedFahgse
| had been added to the free list
"Iittle Dickey rose up and ooIected!