The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1870-02-25
Mtif aus Du.,tnr .

Mtit aus Duu1ur.
- Why 10 the Prince of Wales like
chignen? Because he's the heir ap.
parent to the crown.
-''Come hang itl Ill fight YOU
bo:h," said heroic man to eighteen
tailors.
- Which are the four most eorpu-
pulent letters in the alphabet 20. B.
c. L. Obesity.
- Why did Horace run away from
the battle of Phillippis To prove to
the Romans that he was no lame poet.
- Brown, what did you clear by
that spcculatlon?' 4 cleared m
pockets said Brown.
- A man in New Orleans court
ofjustice being examined as a witness,
was asked If he was born in wedlock.
"No," answered the man, II was born
in Texas"
- If your sister fell into we'll,
why couldn't you rescue her? It's
very likely yeu couldn't because you
can't be brother and a-sist-her, too,
- A farmer was asked why he did
not take ne wspaper. Because. said
he, my father when he died. left me u
good many newspapers, and havn't
read them through yet
81 A colored brudder In New Jer-
sey, the other day, called upon the
Lord to bless de culled people, claim
ing that they were the sheep and the
white people the goats, because I'VE
hab de wool and dey de har.'
- Teacher: "Boy at the foot. spell
n ra | I a N 70 RAu.
t-a-n-e-e, admittance. f" Teacher: Give
the definition Boy: Fifty cents,
niggers and children half price"
-"Why do you not admire my
daughter"' said proud mother to a
gentleman.
Because" he replied, 81 am no
judge OF paintings"
Poetry is the flower of litera-
ture; prose is the corn, potatoes and
meat; satire is tie aduafortis; wit is
the spice and pepper; love-letters are
tho honey and sugar; and letters con-
tanning remittances are the apple
dumplings.
- Nothing Is more common than
to read of people who, under certain
conditions of grief, sbury their head in
their hands," This will account, we
presume for the large number of grave
faces that we see about us every day.
- A parson surprised a farmer,
whom he seldom saw at his ministra-
tions, by asking him directly, alter
little reproot of his sins of omission,
bath?" "Y-e-s," he replied slowly.
'Ill gO-or send hand"
E-'Well, Patrick asked a doctor OF
his patient, how do you do TO day p
oh, dear doctor, | enjoy very bad
very distressing indeed. When ! 90
to sleep, lay awake all night, and my
tees is swelIed as big as goose's hen
egg, so that when l stand up fall di.
rectly.'
- A n p-country girl stepped to
the window OF the post Office in Long
Island village few days since and
asked for a letter.
''To what name ?" was the inquiry.
'What hame?' inquired the daInsel in
q rage. "You're mighty inquisitive to
be sure J" and out she fiounced.
E-A song that is just now very pop
MAR in London has the following cho-
rus:
saw Esau kissing Kate,
And the fact is we all three saw;
For saw tsau, he saw me,
And she saw saw Esau.
- We still have a lively recollection |
OF the way in which South Sea Is-
lander settled case of conscience.
The missionary had rebuked him for |
the sin Of polygamy. and he was much
grieved. After day or two he return
ed, his face radiant with joy. Me all
right now. One wife. Me very good
Christian what did you do with the
otherY asked the missionary. Me eat
her up
-"Who il. our Shepherds" inquir-
e.a Sunday school teacher OF her
d ass.
Jesus"
"Who are Christ's lambs?"
ave are"
TO test the seasoning capacity of the
little urchins:
''If the children are the lambs, what
are the grown up folks?"
'They are the old bucks |" said a
little shaver.
- A clock Is like a man-it has { xo
hands, a face, an inside and an outside.
Sometimes the hands point to the truth ,
but it is not ashamed to show its face
when it don't. 1t is a useful bit OF |
is man. 1t is often gets !
tut OF order-so does man. 1t often
wound up-so is man. 1t strikes-so !
loes man. 1t is not always to be re- I
led on no more is man.
- Yankee pedler, passing SOL \
tary house among the hills, noticed
lozen. less one. OF faces staring from E
he single window looking out ON the
DAD to get glance at the stranger. !,
topping his cart and calling to man o
landing at the door, this colloquy en-
ued: 81
Peddler; i say, has there been =
neral here lately?' p
Man of the house: 'Not's know on. =
ghy 2 II
Peddler: Because sec there's one ii
ane of glass that hain't got no face to 81
Man of the house: Tel you what, If :.
OH don't start along pretty darned Il
nick, there will be funeral, and f.
quill go to it, few 10
- Two Yankees, strolling in the ~ ~
Gods without any arms II. their pos ID
ssion, observed a bear climbing tree
18th his paws clasped around the trunk. =
ne of them ran forwal d and cought
g bears paws one in each hand. He
EN- called out to his comrade:
run home and bring me II
to kill this varmint, and
ind you don't stay. or I'm in fix.' pr
Jonathan ran off, but statd a long :
ne. During the interval, the bear