The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-12-01
WIT AND HUMOK.

The question Of the day Is wheth.
or it is the more difficult for the girl of
the period to get her clothes in her
trunk, or hersclfin her clothes.
"A drunken man, having vomited In.
to basket containing eoslings, warm
ing by the fireplace, exclaimed in con.
stcrnation: "Aly God, wife, when did
l swaller them things!"
An Alabama editor itemizes his
advices from East Tennessee as fol.
lows: "Methodlst meetings continue
with increased interest-ten convicts
shipped to the penitentiary."
"A good sort OF man was recently
asked to subscribe for chandelier for
the church. "Now," said he, "what's
the use of chandelierp After you
get it, you can't get any one to play
on it."
- To cure man Of deafness tell him
you have come to pay that little bill.
We wish delinquent subscribers would
try the experiment. They wouldn't
find us deaf SOU bet.
- Browning. -" Well, have always
made a rule to tell my wife everything
that happens" Smlthkins--" my
dear fellow, that is nothing! / tell my
wife lots OF. things that never happen
at ALL"
"A Mr.. Hellman, of California, re.
Gently drew a prize of 100000 in
lottery. Such in this wicked world is
the reward of vice. If he hadn't been
a He'll of a)man, chances are that he
wouldn't have drawn cent.
When Mrs. Jones chided her
daughter for allowing young men to
throw kisses at her, Mary Ann declared
that she vas quite aware of.the impro-
priety and never had kiss thrown ut
her that she did not throw it back.
A clergyman being much pressed
by lady Of his acquaintance to preach
sermon the first Sunday. after her
marriage, complied, and chose the fol-
lowing passage in the Psalms as his
text: "And there shall be abundance
of peace--while the moon endureth."
"A young lady at bali was asked
by lover of serious poetry whether
she had seen Crabbes Tales. "Why,
no." she answered, 81 didn't know
that crabbs had tails" II beg your
pardon, Miss" said he, 81 mean have
you read Crabbe's Tales ?" "And
assure you, sir, l did not know that
red crabs, OF any other kind of crabs,
had tails"
The Lacrosse Leader is RESPONSE
bic for the following: "Not long since,
while one of the river boats YVES taking
on some live stock, among the lot was
one large gray mule, that refused to
walk the staging. The mate sung out
to the rostabout to twist his tail, and
he'd come" A coroner's jury have
decided that the man came to his death
by obeying orders
"A man who was too mean to ad-
vertise land he wanted to sell, put up
written notice at the hotel. A gentle
man who was inquiring for small farm
was referred to the written notice,
when he replied: ~ can't buy land Of
any man at fair price who does his
advertising in that way. He'd steal the
fence, the pump handle and the barn
door before he gave up possession"
Easily Pleased.-A Down Easter
advertises for wife in the following
manner: "Any gal what's got a cow, a
good ieather-bed with comfortable fix.
ins, five hundred dollars in the hard
pewter--one that's had the measles, and
understands tending children-ean find
a customer for life by writing small
billy dux, addressed to @. H., and
stickn' it in crack of Uncle Ebenez-
er's barn, back side, jinin' the Eog
PEN"
"A young lady at fashionable din.
ner party pestered DR.. johnson with
conundrum--a thing which the bluff
old philosopher disliked. "Why is the
letter j like the end of Spring, Doc
torW OF course the Doctor couldn't
tell. "Because its the beginning of
june" was the solution. Snow, miss,
will you tell me why the letter X is like
a pigs tail2' The young lady.had to
give itup. "BGcause it's tho end of
pork, miss" The Doctor was troubled
no more with conundrums.
An exchange says: Mrs. Gran.
ger. Of Troy, is probably the worst
sold woman in the country at the pres
ent writing. She got dissatisfied with
her husband because he was poor, and
eloped with railroad conductor, who
claimed to have stamps, but didn't.
Now her husband has fallen heir to
$4,000, and she has got to sit idly by