Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1870-08-15
aPL.INT q hs.


Advice to the farmer-keep your
veather-eye open. s. E.
If your bootinaker sends boots home
you can't walk In, you should walk
into him.
Once when a bad man died. a savage
wit being apprised Of the event, OBJ
served that the average value Of man
kind was sensibly raised.
A tallow-chandler said he didn't
mean any disparagement to the sun
when he aSaid that his candles were
the best lights ever invented.
On tombstone in n churchyard in
Ulster is the following epitaph !:
Erected to the memory of John Phil
lips. accidentally shot rs 4 mark Of
affection by his brother"
A man out West hearing that dry
copperas put in bed of ants wonld
cauIe them to leave. put some Ia his
mother.in-law's bed to see il she would
90. He says she was there at last ac-
counts.
A drunken soldier in Detroit amused
himself one hot day by cutting off
canine caudalities with 4 sickle. He
was knocked down just rs he had har-
vested his nin.ty-fourth tail-that Of Il
Observation-Disclosures pointer.
IL never shot bird in my life."
said gentleman TO an lrishman, who
replied: II never shot anything In
the Shape of a bird but squirrel,
which killed with a stone, and 1t fell
into the river and was drowned"
A young lady from the rural dis
tricts went to Des Moines to see an
elephant. In the street cars the coll
ductor said to her: Miss, your fare. "
"Well. If am" she replied, II dou' I
want any more Of your impertinence." "
A young man who took some severe
lessons from the faro-bankers Of this
city last winter has lately been initi-
ating his "friends " into the mysteries
Of the game at Pittsburg. Penn. 1t
cost one man $l,SO0 TO see how 1t was
done.
Remember, Mrs. b." said Robus,
in q tiuster, one day, "that you are
the weaker vessel" MAY be So"
retorted the lady, " but I'll take care
you shan't forget that the weaker
vessel may have the stronger spirit in
it." ..- 10
A Kansas paper relates circnmstan-
TALLY three Instances In which farmers
had their barns struck BY lightning.
People are not generally so successful
In directing the electric fluid. The
effect, however, was not found to be
beneficial to the barns. E
At Kingston, Canada. a dry goods
clerk was recently accommodated with
the loan Of revolver to blow ont his
brains with. In order to spite q lady
who had rejected him and married
another. On sober second thought, he
sold the revolver and got drunk.
The desire for liquor-drinkinS seems
to be on tire increase In Philadelphia.
The Clerk of the Court Of Quarter
Sessions has just issued S,Si9 tavern
licenses. 1t isa pity the Philadelphians
can't contrive to enjoy their " brotherly
love" without the aid Of liquor. -F
A belligerent PruSsian, who recently
appeared with o dark "cloud" above
his right eye, In reply to the concerned
QuestioningS Of friend as to how he
had come by it, said that he had got
"bad news" from Germany. The eX-
planation was deemed quite satisfac-
tory.
An exchange says: Wyoming hay
ing tried female jurors, now proposes
TO send a woman to Congress. II the
woman has done anything that tue
laws of Wyoming are not sufficiently
stringent to properly punish, send her
to Congress by all means-and may
God have mercy Oh her."
An Ohio editor is getting particular
about what he eats. Hear him: 1.-The
woman who made the butter which we
bought last week is respectfully re-
queSted to use more Judgment in pro-
portloning the ingredients. The last
batch had too much hair in it for but
ter. and not quite enough for a water
fall. There Is 10 senIe In making
yourself bald-headcd if butter is sixty
tive cents pound" -.
A, country deacon went home one
evening aud complained to his wife
that he had been abused shamefully
down at the store. One Of the neigh
bors, I've said, called him liar. Her
eyes flashed with indignation. "why
didn't you tell him to prove 1t ?" she
exclaimed. That's the very thing
that's the trouble :" replied the nus
band; That's just what | told him to
do: I told him to prove it, and he did
prove it." - .. ..r.