The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1870-02-03

HUMOROUS.
Hard wateT-ice.

So many men are very short" these
yImes that Tom Thumb and Commodore
Mutt have ceased To be curIUsIiies.
1.-THE Hidden Hand is popular with
western gamblers Ii contains The three
missing jacks,
Pretty girls are the guido DO rls that
point the way TO the State OF Matrimony
Popular Faliacy-Peope think ing ,hry
are wrong eud up when they are 'hea4
over heels.
"Shngle wediing>' are becoming f,,t
ionabe. They occur when the first cAI.a
is old enough 10 speak.
Waste of Sympa, hy.-A lady Wis re
Gently found Weeping bitterly at the lie
house attached To NJ. Vernon, Ell-t. hIu.
II for the tomb OF y a>h,nglon.
Query Why canaot AL engine sit
down?
Ans. 1t has Tender Behihd
Query 2nd Why has 1t tender be
hind?
Aus lst It has been lidien on raj
Aus 2ud, aud has been switched.
Winnie Reani latest occupation Is said
to be that OF blasting out buat OF Far
son BrowuluY with miro & iyceIne,
When our clocks are "a litte fast We al
ways set them night I'll cuce feuIie
ought 10 do az much tor heir fast son, ana
daughters, but they generally let them
run.
A Vermont farmer paid 5000 for u
blooded bull. ami he lad no sooner got
him home than the animal proved hl>
worth by putting his horns through II
$1,000 horse.
Artemus Ward, who was wiling to sac
rifice AL his wlie's relations to suppress
che rebellion, finds counterpart IL the al
sentee IRISH landlord, who noIiie> HI
steward to tell the Il nanto that 10 Threats
10 shoot you will terrlty me.
One of the most original OF juvenie in
ventions was that OF LitrIe Fanny, sho, IT.
stead OF saying her prayers at night, spread
cut her alphabet on the bed, aud, raising
her eyes 10 heaven, said: On, Lord here
are all the letters arrange them to sui
yourself.
A married man in New Hampshire ha.
adopted an orig al method of eronony.
Gao morning., recently, when he knew hi>
wife would see bun, he kissed the servant
grl. The household EXPENSES were lu-
stantly reduced $40 per year.
Il wish you would not give ne such
short weight for my money, SAID cu>-
tom, TO IA grocer, VIM bad an Outstanding
bill against him. 'Anl wI,h you woI.d
mt give me such long mut for uiue, IT
piled the grocer.
An old lady gave this as her idea OF a
great man One who H. kctriu OF In
clothes, don dilrk spirits, Mn read the
Bible without speii'n the WORKS, and eat u
cold dinner ON wash>day without gum
bling
MaIimony i~-l0t ca.r>, warm el,.
comfortable ,,ili en-, smoking coffee, rouud
sruI,, red lips. KIND words. shirts eXuilIuy
IN buttons, .cdet med stockings, hlutjicks,
happiness, etc. SHglc btr->.uH->, Is
sheet iron quits, b5uc uo>cs, frosty rooms.
Ice IN tn pitcher. uuicE, uetafcd iinrn,
heeiless socks coffee >wectvncd eliL icIciee
gutta Tercha biscuits, rEItuustIsuI, CO u-
coughs. cold dlnucrs COLES, Ihubaib, ana
any smount Of misery.
Ii all the tahi4, in the world were seated
together, auI ,pauked at the same tine
how many sugar p.umbs Would II taAe 10
quiet them!
Have you ever lrok,n a horse - III,
Quired horse jockey. No, nos exactly,
replied oiu'ni""N, Out nave bIoh,h t"o
or three Wagons.
Eh a
- - h.r, ,,,',h, =,
go ~ 80 20 =. y Wy '''
49, ;" '''''0 'o'
~ WY '''' ~ : '''o ''d"
Il can marry any eiri please, said a
vounv tptlpy bpd-fIuuII - triIt,
1ou"s 80, o",'' , cry ',''
49,, ,l.a.a 49,
WY uoh your la'hef 'a1e ~" L"
per saia iian 10 d p"l "h"h he hs1
send. me 70 take IT ap.y,,,t the mr.
chin
.S,uy s.,3
who had red HAIR, keep AVIAN from uie ar
you will set NE on fIe. No danger of
that, was the answer, you ars too green
10 burn"
An old lady, on reading that an ice house
had been burned, remarked: La, now
nratt Inns