Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1870-08-30
The excited listener spraug towards
me TO shake hands, and said:

But, stranger, when / first read it this
morning, I said to myself, | never,
never believed it before, notwithstand-
ing my friends kept me under watch
so strict, but now believe | am crazy
and with that l fetched howl that
you might have heard two miles, and |
started cut to kill somebody, because,
you know, l knew it would come to
that sooner or later, and SO | might |
as well begin. I read one OF them
paragraphs over again, SO as to be
certain, and then burned my house
down and started. | have crippled
several pc eople, and have got one fel-
low up tree, where l can get him if
| want him. But thought | would
cal! in here as passed along and
make the thing perfectly certain; and
now it is certain. and | tell'yo it is
lucky for the chap that is in the tree.
| should have killed him, sure, as |
went back. Good bye, sir, good bye
you have taken great load off my
mind. Ny reason has stood the strain
of one of your agricultural articles,
and l know that nothing can ever un-
seat it now. Good bye, sir"
| felt lutte uncomfortable about
the crippling8 and arsons this person
had been entertaining himself with,
for | could not help feeling remotely
accessory to them; but these thoughts
were quickly banished, for the regular
editor walked in! 1 thought to myself,
Now, if you had gone to Egypt, as |
recommended you to, might have had
a chance to get my hand in; but you
wouldn't do it, and here you are. I
sort of expected you.
The editor was looking sad, and
perplexed, and detected. He surveyed
the wreck which the old rioter and
these two young farmers had made,
and then said:
"This is sad business-a very sad
business. There is the mucilage bot
tie broken, and six panes Of glass, and
spittoou, and two candIesticks. But
that is not the worst. The reputation
of the paper is injured, and per-
manently, fear. True, there never
was such a call for the paper before.
and | never sold such q large edition
or scared to such celebrity; but does
one want to be famous for lunacy, and
prosper upon the infrmities of his
mind ? Ny friend, as | am an honest
man, the street out here is full of peO-
pie, and others are roosting on the
fences, waiting TO get q glimpse ofyou,
because they think you are crazy.
And we'll they might, after reading
your editorials. They are disgrace
to journalism. Why, what put it into
your head that you could edit paper
Of this character? You do not seem
to know the first rudiment8 of agri-
culture. You speak of a furrow and
a harrow as being the same thing; you
talk Of the moultiDg season for COWS
and you recommend the domestication
of the polecat on account of its play
fulness and its excellence as a ratter.
Your remark that clans will lie quiet
if music be played to them, was su-
perfuous-entirely superfuous. Moth
ing disturbs clans. CLANS always
lie quiet. CLANS care nothing what
ever about music. Ah, heavens and
earth, friend, if you had made the &C
quiring Of ignorance the study of
your life, you could not have graduated
with higher honor than Tou could to-
day. | never saw anything like it.
Your observation that the horse chest
nut, as an article Of commerce, is
steadily gaining in favor, is simply
calculated to destroy the Journal. |
want you to throw up your situation
and 90. | want no more holiday
could not enjoy it if l had it. Certainly
not with you in my chair. | would
always stand in dread of what you
might be going to recommend next.
1t makes me lose all patience every
time I think of your discussing oyster
beds under the head of Landscape
Gardening. l want you to go. Moth
ing earth could persuade me to take
: another holiday. Oh, why didn't you
tell me you didn't know anything
about agriculture ?'
"Tell you, you cornstalk, you cab
bage, you son of a caulihower! It's
the first time l ever heard such an IN
feeling remark. l tell you | have
5 been in the editorial business going
on fourteen years, and it is the first
5 time ever heard of mans having
to know anything in order to edit a
4 newspaper. You turnip! Who write
t the dramatic critiques for the second
rate papers? Why, parcel of pro-
T. NOTED shoemakers and apprentice
:, apothecaries, who know just as much
l about good acting as | do about good
3 farming, and no more. Who review
/ the books ? People who never wrote
e one. Who do up the heavy leaders
Y on finance? Parties who have had
i the largest opportunities of knowing
nothing about it. Who criticise the
t Indian campaigns? Gentlemen who
y do not know war-whoop from wig
l. wan, and who have never had to run
e foot race with tomahawk or pluck
D arrows out OF the several members OF
1 their families to build the evening
i camp fire with. Who write the tenn
Il perauce appeals and clamor about
the flowing bowl? Folks who will nev.
It er draw another sober breath till they
t. do it in the grave. Who edit the ag
n ricultural papers, you-yam Men
n as general thing, who fail in the po.
n etry line, yellow-covered novel line
S city-editor line, and finally fall back
on agriculture as temporary retrieve
e from the poor-house. You try to tell
: me anything about the newspaper
o business! Sir, l have been through il
d from Alpha to Omaha, and l tell you
y the less man knows the bigger
noise he makes and the higher salary
is he commands. Heaven knows if
'f had but been ignorant instead of cul
o tivated, and impudent instead of diff
e dent, | could have made name fol-
= myself. in this cold, selfish world. ]
e take my leave, sir. Since I have beer
g treated as you have treated me, / am
3. perfectly willing to go. But 1 have