National opinion. [volume] (Bradford, Vt.) 1865-1874, 1870-09-23
JOB Pal
Wit and Wisdom.
A WATER spout-A temperance orat

L
to use very strong perfumes IN public.
"THE Cheap and Hungry Sociables"
are to be leorganized again this Winter.
"A FOOL and his money"-are the de-
light OF matchmaking mothers.
WHEN the cats away the mice will
play"-the part of policeman instead of
her
"As fools think'-but, come now, we
amt such fool as to think fools do
think
A PHILADELPHIA treat is one where
each individual OF the party pays for
himself.
WHEN is wife like a great coat p
When her husband Is " wrapped up" in
her.
A PBovIDENT yet improvident man
The baker ; he kneads much, but sells
everything ne kneads himself.
LADY who corresponds with several
gentlemen friends says she only does it
to improve her handwriting.
AN Iowa doctor told man that he had
diagnosis OF the polyphemus, and it
scared him SO he shot himself dead.
A RICH widower, who has Just erected
very elegant monument to his first wiie's
memory, Is now looking out for second
one
AT a wedding recently, the bridegroom
having forgotten the wedding ring, cur
tam rlng was procured and used Tor the
occasion.
| A TOMBSTONE in a Maine graveyard,
erected to the memory OF wife, bears
the inscription Tears cannot restore
thee therefore | weep"
MEN are said to be more capricious
than women, and change from one fair
tace the moment they see one they i'm
agine is talrer,
A PHYSICIAN says that women would
enjoy much better health II they were
not forever pouring hot slops down
their throats.
PEOPLE who go much into society
soon find chat it sharpens the intellect,
awakens the conversational powers, and
arouses keen spirit of observation.
The Chinese in California are rapidly
acquiring the qualities necessary for
citizenship. Some of the best burglars
III San Francisco are Celestials
Texas has new game One holds a
revolver the other holds the cards.
Shortly after the game begins coroner
holds the inquest
REV. PHGBE A. Hanaford is obliging.
The other night she arose good naturedly
after midnight and married a couple who
anxlously called upon her.
A MAN in Chicago has applied for
divorce because his wife lived with him
only one day during his four years of
marriage. She left the day after the
wedding.
The surface of the sea is estimated at
$50, 900 square miles, taking the
whole surface of the globe at 19O, 900, 900
square miles. Its greatest depth is
supposed to be equal to TIE height of the
highest mountain, or four miles.
SoNE curious statistics, with reference
to the peed of wind and sound, may be
interesting just at the present moment. A
zephyr travels at the rate of | IL mile
per hour fresh breeze, 4 ; strong wind,
II +; tempest, 40 hurricane, 60; IA great
secret 50 calumny 100 /; scandal, 120.
Sir" said an astonished landlady to
"A traveller who had just sent his cup
forward for the seventh time, "you must
be very fond of coffee. "Yes, madame,
| am, he replied" or / never should
have drank so much water to get
little"
A Newark lady, whose husband had
deserted her saved 500 by sewing, and
was in terrible quandary us to whether
to buy "A divorce or sewing machine.
She has decided, with the assistance of
an old bachelor, to buy so divorce
and $50 machine.
a PHILADELPHIA carter says OF a district
through which he drives =" If you run
over youngster in this ward the folks
don't say anything, 'kase they got more
children than wittle's for 'em, but Just
you run over goat or pig, and blast if
a mob amt after you in two minutes.
PROPERLY speaking there should be
only one b i'll bussess. Most certainly
there are at least six other BIS you ought
: never to find i'll them that is to say,
bags, boxes, bundles, bowwows, babies
, and big fat people in sultry weather.
The hardest season of the year in which
to appear well dressed is between the
first of September and the middle of
, November, when il is too late for sum-
mer clothes, and too early for winter
ones.
A LONG journey" Mamma, will you
go to Heaven when You die ?" 81 hope
so, my dear" "And nurse ?" 81 hope
( so; she's a good woman, and all good
Q people go to Heaven" "Then, please,
e may / go to the dogs with papap He
K says he's going there, and it will be 80
= much nicer,
!, A FAMILY of Indians have lately visited
. Sparta, Wisconsin, among whom was n
woman whose age is undoubtedly one
. hundred and twenty years. She appear
ed much worried with care of her head
:. strong great grand daughter, who was
4 in the party, and who is an orphan Of
i sixty-eight Summers
n CHARLES Tell me, Laura, why that
l. sadness 4? Tell me. why that look OF
" care ? Why has fled that look Of glad.
p ness that thy face was wont To wear p
?. Iaura.-" Charles, It's useless to dissem-
q ble well my face may wear n frown,
't for I'VE lost my largest hairpin, and my
" chignons coming down
ID A COURTEOUS Frenchman, in reply tc
\. question why ladies were not permitted
into the Chamber of Deputies, said, tha,
10 bo member IL was requisite TO b,
II forty years of age, and II was impossible
4. TO suppose that any lady would reacl
@, that unseemly age,
An exchange asserts that II is useless