The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1870-10-28
The Josh Billings Papers. ie
SUM BIoemPHAL-MARK TWAIN.

Mark Twain IL about thirty years
old last May, stands 3 foot and one
quarter inches, IL the best descriptive.
humoFistz living, smokes 40 cigars
day, skOrns to part hiz hair in the
middle, don't show emmy dimOnd ring,
haz got mCnaUchial mustaslI, loves
woman az she IL, hates dogs and es-
CheWs liquor.
He eats rare billed eggs, wears num-
Der boots, and can quill paragraph
at minnits notice. as full of sharp
things az a pOrcupines back.ka U
He IL az genial CWhare hezlOYes) az
gin and milk, but IL charming hatcr
He IL married.. az all good jOkers-
are they all know there amt no hr-
NOR in a cot bedsted.ss
He lives in Buffalo, and what IL
most wonderful, and the hardest to
understand, il sed teW be rich. eai-
thy humorists are scarce teW be had,
they generally inxestal ov their mon
ey as they 60 along, in the common
occurrences Ov the day.
Report sez he won't lektur no more.
l hope report lies (fOr once in its Iifc)
for Mark Twain, before an audience
IL az easy teW understand az straw
berries and cream.
Hiz late book, called Innocence
Abroad" IL the most delishus history
ever .perused. 1t haz all the integri-
ty ov the multiplieashun table, and, at
the same time, IL azfuH OY dcviltFy as
GulliVer's travels.
Mark Twain don't think IL college
laTnt, he haz larnt what he knows bi
seeing 1t did, and kan tell what tree
will make shingles bi looking at the
bark. F-.-
He IL like all other genuine humOr-
lists, don't do the laffing himself, and
really much prefers to- say a good
thing rather than a funny one. = q q
He haZ no more humOT III his looks
than a fiddle haz. ..-.a 80
He don't use prOfane language, al
tho i-think now i once heard him use
the pronoun dam," but ifmi memory
reckOlekts herself, at that partickulaP
time, the COnYGT sashun WaZ about
saw mills. tf- EEA GrFm-s
/ l beleave he IL not a church men,
Der, butmi impreshun is that hiz-re--
ligion lies deep.
All genuine humOrists (altho fun IL
their game, and altho they belcave
that even YirteW haz a ridiekilus-s side
to hcrJ hav in their bottom natur
menny places where they hneel down
lin private) and say good things in
/ low tone. ~ z..--Iser s-s.---. "a
| l love Jealous christian, one WHO
/ hollers virteW, but hav cum tew the
/ konklushioH (n late years. that the
! Lord aint deaf and that all The real
pfety in this world aint kePt. ipsrams
| horns: -~ d t-4> r
Butt may be mistaken about this
it IL Just like mi darn luck. IN "a
i am not buzZOm friend 6Y Mark
/ Twain, bekause he don't tknO me we'll
enuff yet to take nae into his bnzzem.
| We never met but three or four times,
but there want no time wasted in en-
4 quiring after each others faTnilys, we
( both went in TO win, and l am certain
! he won Incst s 20 szs. -sss e.
think now could endorse Mark,
| q don't mean hiz -nOte,. for j haY. quit
/ all kinds oV gambling, he seems -te+y
me to haV with all the nervous excen-
tficitys ov his natur) a spot for me,
/ He has told me that he IL mi friend,
| q hope he wont alter hiz mind, for
thare amt nothing on earth Il wont
except bears1 that fear more than i
do thoZe whom think don't love me.
Thare il CRATE strength few sum
men, no doubt, IN having plenty Ov
haters, it eIaborates hiz gaui, but am
one of thoze. unsanguine kritters who
sweat cay, and who Had rather hav
lamb folleF him home than teNu hav
frozen recognishjm from q rail rode
president. ,.~ .-,t.. --. -.
Mark Twain haz CRATE wit, he lEIz
crate literary pretenshuns, but he Il
a moor. .punsteI, aud. he ought. few bc
: thankful for that, for thare -aint moth
ing (unless il iz1three cent gin) that Il
more denloPalizingsthan puhnil1g Il
il full az bad a habit az Whistling, and
full azoften' " q substitute for thought
Good bye, Mark Twain; let me ad
wise ) on 'tew forgive the liberty L Kat
taken in this sketehy and also ''Iee int
ask yJi fin Behalf oV mi nabors) ''teW
keep before the world. with yuEe-rI'arC
bits ov humoF for thare IL crate need
ov sich az yus - 5eas.7 iese5.1 sa5 af
But don't expekt- too much pay
Marx, for thaTe IL one thing. that kan
be expl3iHed, and that L. those sWhC
mako us IaiI til most are like 6 6dIePs
paid OFF grudgiHgl y IN the rnorniuS
and fheRski ckeds out oYs doors 3 e.