The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-06-11
WIT AND WISDOM.


A lady recently sent fur cape to a fur
establishment for repair, explaining her
wishes in the following note l want mi
kaPe mendid whar the mices nored it in
gud shaip."
During The Florida war, an Irish soldier
on picket 1uty, near Indian River, was Bit
ten by q moccasin snake. Brought into
camp on n stretcher, in the agonies OF
death, be was dosed by the surgeon with
whiskey, which was in common use az IN
antidote to snake poison, but otherwise
strictly forbidden in camp. Pat recovered
but was found, some days after, BY the
doctor, scouting in the bushes. " What
are you doing here. Pat p asked the doc
tor Arrah be jabers, docther, I'm try
ing to get bit by another mOCcasin -
A servant girl who was sent, day or
two ago, to druggist in this city, With a
request that be would give her some castor
Oa, dh1gpised n much as possible, /" was
asked BY the druggist If she liked soda
water, ana repiie6in the affirmative. The
druggist thereupon gave her glass, strong
ly favored with lemon, with much oil cast
upon the troubled water Noticing that
she fingered after receiving this, the drug
gist inquired the cause, and was told that
she was waiting M the oil. "Oh 7" re-
piled the man Of drugs complacently, s'you
have taken that r. The startled woman
ga1ed St him in dismsy moment, and then
exclaimed: " "Oh murder | wanted it for
man who il very sick"
"A GooD TEsr.-A Lynn MASS cor
respondent, who occasionally figures in the
DrGlOer, mentions a little incident Of ID.
F. and Bob G. The latter bad
applied for admission to an orthodox
church. His occupation was THAT of a cob
bier, and an Indifferent cObbler be was, at
that. After church, F. beckoued one
of the deacous across the street, and said
" Well, Deacon, Bob G. wants to Join
our meeting"
Yes; do you know anything against
him y
Well, no but, before you take final
vote on him, I'd like to show you job Of
cobbling be did for me (; that's all.
A PAINTER was employed in painting q
West Indiaman in the Thames, on q
stage suspended under the stern. The
Captain, who had just got into the boat
alongside to 20 ashore, ordered the cabin
boy to let 60 the painter (the rope that held
the boat. The boy instantly went aft.
and let 60 the rope BY which the painters
stage was held. The Captain angry at the
boys delay, cried out, "COnfound you for
a lazy dog why don't you let go the
painter ?" He's gone, sir," replied the
boy. "pOts and GAF"
A LADY Prided herself on her geo
graphy, seeing a candle aslant, remarked
that it reminded her of the " Leaning
Tower Of Pisa" " Yes," responded q
wag, +" with this difference that 1s tower
in Italy, while this is tower in grease"
The famous Duke of Queensbury was
one Of the last nobIemen who kept a run
ming footman. Once, when he was about
engaging one, be made the man put Un hiS
livery and run up and down Piccadilly.
The Duke watched the proceeding from his
balcony, and called out, " That will do,
you will suit me very we'll" The fellow
answered, g And 30 your livery does me-"
and then ran of, and was never heard Of
again.
GOODNESS does not more certainly make
men happy than happiness makes them
good. We must distinguish between fe-
licity and prosperity, for prosperity leads
often to ambition and ambition to dissp-
pointment the course is then over-the
wheels turns around but once while the re-
action Of goodness and happiness is gen.
eral.
ONE Of the feasts given to the Duke Of
Edinburgh, in India, was generally en-
livened By the blunder Of q native waiter,
who poured q dish Of peas into the ear
trumpet which On old lady held out to him
to get reply to her question.
II was said Of very handsome woman,
whose feet were immense: She's very
pretty, but she upsets completely the or
binary system of measurement by proving
that two feet make yard"
A VOICE comes from Washington Ter.
ritory saying, "Send US wives !" And a
thousand unhappy benedicts respond,
" Take ours Cincinnati Times.