The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1870-07-22
HUMORS Of THE DAY.

A writ ofcrror-slip of the pen.
The common law" keep off the
grass" f-rT .f,H. r..- r,rI
The ties of travel-railway ties.v;
A light employmcnt-candle max
ing.
A killing bcauty-a woman who
laccs herself TO death.
Sentimental aquatics-cycs SWIM
ming in tcars.gs7s .rs-.---....
Good men to attend auctiOns-those
whose faces are fOrbidding.
Man who has turn for musician
organ-grinder. ~ -.
Why are elections like tents? Be-
cause the canvass ends at the polls.
Man NAV be worm but glance
at the dandies proves that, he is not
the worm that never dyes.
A Pennsylvania school marin re-
Gently "struck ilc." But it WIS, a
Juvenile. "ll.G as---..s...LlE
The Minister who boosted that he
could preach without notes didn't
mean bank notes. ..-.
Epbriam of the Boston Star, says
that young ladies who refuse good
offers of marriage are too No-iDg by
half -.a. 70. -....
A woman i'm Wisconsin says that
when her husband is little drunk
he kicks her, and that when he is
very drunk she kicks him; and she
adds that she docs most of the kick
ing. .-..-.
A lady asked her little girl, OH re-
turning from church, if she rcmcm-
bered the text. go yes" said she Kit
was this: The Ladies' Sewing Soci-
ETY. will meet at Mrs. Smiths house
on Monday evening next" ...
When a Chicago woman wants to
Get man on breach OF promise case,
She makes bet of kiss with him,
and loses. She pays him the kiss i'll
the presence of witness, and sues
him for q breach of promise and tri-
fling with her affections. This is nat
uraIly called counting, in Chicago
An indianapolis Republican paper
makes sport of q shoemaker because
it was said of him that he was stall
cnted artist" If that man, who can
make ttcO cOTRs grow where only one
grew before, is nOta talented artist,
we should like TO know who is?
A Partisan lady recently called OH
her milliner to inquire the character
ola servant. The morality ofthe lat
ter was beyond questioning. butts
she honest 2" asked the lady. am
not SO certain of-tlIat," replied the
milliner,; 81 have sent her to you
with my bill dozen times, and she
has never yet given me the money"
A colo. ed incbriate vas lying OIL a
bench, The other evening, in his cell
at The Central Station, at Providence,
when the officer made his rounds of
inspection Unable by the fitful gas
light to clearly discern the prisoners
features, the officer asked, Arc you
colorcd p "No," answered the en-
franchiscd, drowsily, 81 was born So"
Jones met friend Of his in the
street and said angrily, as it true, sir,
that i'm a certain house where l have
the reputation of being witty, you
have said l was foOl!' "Therc is
not a word of truth i'm it sir, replied
his friend; az have never been in
house where they thought you witty,
and consequently could not have call
ed you fool there"
A tricky politician, who was noted
for neuer doing anything without
sinister purpose, having died, the
CLERGYMAN who preached his funeral
sermon said thatit would have been
a consolation to the friends of the de-
ceased &c they could have ascertained
his motives in thus suddenly leaving
them. ..... -rrf'sl.. O.
A Colonel of regiment, which
served during the rebellion for short
time. met one of bis men in the street
a few days since, and after talking
over camp life, the former private
said: Il tell you what it is, Colonel,
the boys used to grumblc about You,
but they were ungrateful fellows;
they ought to be thankful to you, for
YOU always kept them out of danger,
| Colonel"
A clergyman one Sunday informed
his hearers that he should divide his
discourse into three parts: the first
should be terrible, the second horri-
bic, and the third should be terrible
horrible. Assuming dramatic trag-
ic attitude, he exclaimed in startling,
agonizing tone, "What is it that l see
thcrc?" Sill louder, "What is ii that
l see there?" Here a little old ,wO-
man in black cried out, in shrill
treble tone, ats nothing but my little
black dog; he " ont bite nobody"