Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1870-03-10
Amasing.
How smith Asked The Old Man.

QauRul6I Ii cnO SlfO AAAA a A4ib
out of bachelordom, and she said "Yes." /"
1t therefore became absolutely necessary
to get the old gentleman's permission,
as Smith said, before the arrangement
might be made to hop the matrimonial
twig.
Smith said he'd rather pop the ques-
ton to all of old Thompson's daughters,
and his sisters, and his lady cousins, and
his aunt Hannah in the country, and
the whole of his female relations, than
to ask old Thompson. But it had to be
done, and he studied out a speech which
he was to disgorge at old Thompson the
first time he got shy at him. 80
Smith dropped in on him one Sunday
evening, when all the family had me-
andered around to meeting, and found
him doing sum in beer measure.
"How are you ?" said old Thompson,
as the former walked in white as piece
of chalk, and trembling as if he had
swallowed young earthquake. Smith
was afraid to answer cause he wasn't
sure about that speech. He knew he
had to keep his gdp on it while he had
it there, OF it would slip from him quick
er than an oiled eel through an augur
hole. So he blurted out
''Mr. Thompson, sir: Perhhps it may
not be unknown to you, that during an
extended period of some five years,
have been engaged in the prosecution of
commercial enterprise"
.'Is that so, and keepin' it secret all
the time, while tho't you were tendin'
store? Well, by George, your one of
them, now amt your"
Smith had begun, and he had to think
it all over again to get the run of it.
"Mr. Thompson, sir: 1t may not be
unknown. to you that, during an ex-
tended period of some five years, L have
been busily engaged in the prosecution
of commercial enterprise, with the de-
termination to secure sufficient main
tenance-", 7t.y G;rL ~
'Sit down, Smith, and help yourself
to the beer. Don't stand there holdin'
your hat like a blind beggar with the
paralysis; never see you behave your
self so queer in all my born days."
Smith had been put out again, and
he had to wander back again and take a
fresh start.
"Mr. Thompson, sir: 1t may not be
unknown to You that, during an ex-
tended period of five years, have been
engaged in the prosecution of a COM
mercial enterprise, with the determine
ton to procure a sufficient mainten-
ance-"
"a which-ance?" asked old Thomp-
son; but Smith held on to the last word
on:
'In the hope that some day might
enter into wedlock, and bestow my
earthly possessions upon one whom L
could call my own. 1 have been a
lonely man, sir, and have felt that it is
not good for man to be alone therefore
Iwould-"
Neither is it, Smith; Pm glad you
dropped in. How's the old mani"
"Mr. Thompson, SIR" said Smith, III
despairing confusion, raising his voice
to yell. ut may not be unknown to
you, that during the extended period of
a lonely man, L have been engaged to
enter wedlock and bestow all my enter
prise on one whom L could determine
to be good for certain possessions-no, L
mean-that is-that-that-Mr Thomp-
son, sir: 1t may not be unknown"
And then again it may. Look here,
Smith, you'd better lay down and take
something warm; you amt WELL"
Smith was now sweating like four
year old colt, but he went on again:
Mr.. Thompson, sir: 1t may not be
lonely for you to prosecute me whom a
friend for q commercial maintenance !;
but-eh-dang it, Mr.. Thompson, sir !:
It"
''Oh, Smith, you talk like a fool.
never saw a more first-class idiot in all
my life. What's the matter with you,
anyhow?"
Mr.. Thompson, SIR" said Smith, in an
agony of bewilderment-''it may not be
known that you prosecuted a lonely
man who is not good for commercial
period of wedlock for some five years,
but" .-...-. -....
'.See here, Mr.. Smith, you're drunk,
and you can't behave yourself better
than that, you'd better leave; if you
don't I'll chuck you out, or Pm a Dutch
man,
"Mr. Thompson, sir" said Smith,
frantic with despair, cit may not be un-
known to you that all my earthly pos
sessions are engaged to enter wedlock
five years with a sufficiently lonely man
who is not good for a maintenance
The very deuce he amt! Now you
jist git up and gil, or I'll knock what
little brains out of you you've got left. /"
With that old Thompson took Smith
and shot him into the street as if he had
struck against locomotive going at the
rate of forty miles an hour. Before old
Thompson had time to shut the door,
Smith collected his legs and one thing
another that lay scattered around on
the pavement, arranged himself in a
vertical position, and yelled out:
"Mr. Thompson, sir: 1t may not be
unknown to you," which made the old
man so wretched mad that he went out
and set bull terrier on Smith before he
had chance to lift a brogan; and here
was scientific dog fight, with odds in
favor of the dog, for he had an awful
hold for such a small animal
Smith afterwards married the girl, and
lived happily.