The Republican journal. [volume] (Belfast, Me.) 1829-current, 1870-04-14
MARRIAGE.
BY JOSH BILLINGS,


Marriage is q fair transaction on the face
ov it,
But thare il quite too often put-up Jobs in it
1t is an old institushun, older than the pyr.
amids, and az phull ov hyroglipics that no
body can parse.
History holds its tongue who the pair waz
who first put on the silken harness, and prom
ised to work kind in it, thru thick and thin
up hill and down, and on the level, rain OF
shine, survive or perish, sink or swim, drown
or tlote.
But whoever they waz, they must have
made a good thing Of it, or SO menny ov theil
posterity would not hav harnessed up since
and drove out.
Thare IL a CRATE moral grip to marriage
it IL q mortar that holds the SOoshul bricks
together.
But there amt but darn few pholks who
put their money in matrimony who could SCI
down and give good written opinoyun VIII
on arth they cum to do it.
This is q CRATE proof that it IL one ov then
natral kind ov acksidents that must happen
.ist az birds fly out ov the nest, when they
hay feathers enuff, without being able teW
tell why.
their mistake; this IL lucky
'''tiii Ai'ei ioi ilpiICy tllt Uoll SCt H.
Sum marry for pedigree, and feel big fo
six months, and then very sensibly cum tev
the conclusion that pedigree amt no better
than skimmilk
Sum marry bekawse they hav bin higstel
sum where else; this iz q cross match, a bay
and sorrel; pride may make it endurable.
sam marry for love without cent in theil
pocket, nor y friend in the world, nor drol
ov pedigree. This looks desperate, but it i
the strength of the game
IT marrying for love amt success ther
matrimony is a ded beet.
Sum marry because they think wimmir
will be scarce next year. and live tew wonde
how the crop holds out.
Sum marry to get rid of themselves, an,
discover that the game waz one that two
could play at, and neither win.
Sum marry the second time to get even
and find it q gambling game-the more thev
put down the less they take up.
sum marry tew he happy and not finding
it, wonder where all the happiness goes tl
when it dies
Sum marry, they can't tell why, and live
they can't tell how.
Almost everybody gets married, and it is
good joke.
Sum marry in haste, and then sit down ant
think it carefully over.
Sum think it over careful flst, and ther
set down and marry
Both ways are right, if they hit the mark
Sum marry rakes to convert them. This
IL a little risky, and takes smart missionary
to do it.
Sum marry coquetts. This is like buying
a poor farm heavily mortgaged, and working
the balance of your days to clear oph the
mOrtg cages.
Married life haz its chances, and this IL
just what gives it its flavor. Every boldly
luvs few phool with the chances, bekause
every boldly eXpekts tew win. But I am
authorized tew state that every boldly lon't
win
But, after all, married life iz full az certain
~ dry goods bzncss.
No man can swear cxackly where he will
fetch up when he touches calico
kno man kan tell jist what calico haz made
up its mind tew do next
Calico don't kno even herself.
Dry goods ov all kinds il the child ov cir.
cuinstansis.
Sum never marry, but this il Just ez risky
the disease IL the same. with another name
The man who stands on the banks shiver-
ING, and dassent, il more apt tew ketch cold
than him who pitches hiz head tust into the
river
There IL but few who never marry bekauze
they won't-thcy all banker, and most ov
them starvo with bread before them (spread
on both sldes), jist for the lack ov grit
Marry yung! IL mi motto.
| hev tried it, and know what am talk
ing about
If emmy body asks yu whi you got married
Qt it need beg, tell him you don't recollekt.
Marriage il a safe way to gamble-if yu
win, yu win pile, and fyu loze, yu don't
lose emmy thing, only the privilege Of living
dlsma!ly alone, and soaking your own feet.
repeat it, in italics, marry yat1ag!
There IL but one good excuse for mar
riage late in life and that ia second mar
riaGe