The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1870-01-27
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barbarous tribe-the Tribe of the Canoodle-
Dums. You may have heard of them.
They were idolators.
They were a simple race, with primitive
religion. They were q mild and peaceable
people, and lived in perfect harmony with one
another.
The Bishop said land very properly, II
will convert these poor benighted heathens"
He entered among them, and they received
him Hospitality. He is indebted to them for
teaching him the flavor of ape, which, to this
day, is always served in various forms at the
episcopal banquets. There are few pleasanter
dishes than ape stewed with oysters and port
wine. But, on the other hand, he found them
but little prepared to listen to the beauties Of
the religion he was about to unfold to them.
He began by entering into conversation
with their Chum, or High Priest.
The Bishop learned from the Chum, or
High Priest, the heads of the Canoodle-
Dummers' faith.
He found that at sunrise they were sum-
moned to prayer by the beating of tom-tom
or the blowing of horn.
at does not matter which, said the Chum.
"How is this p said the Bishop. 'It does
not matter which ?"
'It does not in the least matter whether it
is tom-tom or a horn, said the Chum. ''Why
should il ?"
"Oh," said the Bishop, ''this is terrible
state of things" And he thought to himself,
ut is useless, just at present, to endeavor to
inculcate the beauties of Christianity. In
their present state of mind they will not ap-
preciate what L have to tell them. 1 will
begin by endeavoring TO instil a healthier
moral tone, so will they the more readily ap-
prehend the doctrine that I shall then lay be-
fore them"
With the permission of their chief, he sum-
fba friha hlya oIc
"Oh, Canoodle-Dummers,' said he, Il am
panied to find that you are Indifferent as to
whether a tom-tom or q horn is used to sum-
mon you to your devotions.
''We are quite Indifferent, said they, with
one voice, $50 that we are summoned"
But" said the Bishop, 'Observe, if horn
is right, tom-tom must be wrong. So, like
wise, if a tom-tom is right, a horn is out of
the question"
'But, why p said the Canoodle- -Dummers
''Why?' echoed the Bishop, Indignantly
''Why, of course"
81 see," said each Canoodle-D -Dummer,
thoughtfully And the members of the tribe
looked askance at each other, and each edged
away from his neighbor.
And the next day the tribe was divided into
two mighty religiousfactions, those who stood
up for the horn, and those who stood up for
the tom-tom.
The Chum, or High Priest, endeavored,
but in vain, to reconcile them. "Why," said
the Chum, ''should you quarrel on such
pointP You are all good men. You are all
amiable, sufficiently virtuous, tolerably sober,
charitable, and generally well-conducted. You
agree on all the vital points of your religion.
Why divide on matters of unimportant de-
tail?''
"Why, indeed?' said the tribe. And the
two factions embraced.
atStoYNtr caid tho Riabor am ,1ainad ho
yond measure to see this What are the in
gradients of a plum pudding to the shape of
the mould in which it is boiled?"
Nothing at all, said the tribe And they
were again, and finally, divided
The Bishop persevered.
He addressed the Horn party, and said, 81
notice with pain that some of your horns are
long, and some are short. This should
not be-.
(Which is right?" said the Horn party
II am not of yourreligion, said the Bishop,
$50 cannot undertake to offer an opinion.
But one thing is certain, if one is right the
other is wrong"
So the Horn party was divided into two
sects-the Long Horns and the Short Horns.
And the Long Horns hated the Short Horns
even more than the Horn party hated the
Tom-tom party. And the Short Horns re-
turned the compliment. 4.
party, and said, 81 am grieved to see that
some of your tom-toms are long and narrow,
while others are short and stout. If it is
right that tom tom should be long and mar
row, it is sin to use those that are of dia-
metrically opposite form"
And the Tom-tom party were accordingly
divided into two sects, the Long and Narrow
| Tom-toni, and the Short and Stout Tom-tom.
And the feud that existed between the Horn
party and the Tom-tom party was as nothing
compared to that which ragged between the
Long and Narrow Tom-tom party and the
Short and Stout Tom-tom party.
The Bishop still persevered.
He pointed out to the Long Horn party
that some of the long horns were sharp and
| some were fiat. 90.
So the Long Horn party were subdivided,
and became the Sharp Long Horns and the
Flat Long Horns. He pointed out to the
| Short Horn party that some of the short
horns we're COWS horns and some were rams
horns.
So the Short Horn party were subdivided,
and became the Short Cow Horns and the
/ Short Ram Horns.
! The Bishop still persevered.
! He pointed ont to the Long and Narrow
/ Ton-tom party that some of their long and
narrow tom-toms were headed with the skin
/ of sheep and some with the skin of pigs.
So the Long and Narrow Tom-tom party
were sub-divided, and became the Long and
! Narrow Sheep-headed Tom-tom party and
the Long and Marrow Pig g-headed Tom-tom
party.
He pointed out to the Short and Stout
Tom-tom party that some OF their short and
n