Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1870-02-11
Mark Twain 10 tho Buffalo Express.
Fried PENNSYLVANIA Dfnner with the
King Of she CannibaI Islands

continued theKing rehectively scratching
his head with the fork which L had pre-
scented him, and which he had already
learnedto use good deal, though not
always in strictly legitimate way, las re-
CARDS those missionaries, Will say that
their landing here was unexpected, but
fastened to give them every protection
And L gave them full privilege to teach.
They were the first whites that some OF
my people had seen, and OF course these
simples native had natural curiosity TO
experiment upon them! / could not rea-
sonably deny them this little qualification,
though I counselled them to practice as
little cruelty upon the strangers rs was
compatible with fair desire for informa-
ton and the necessity for wholesome
amusement. They removed Johnson s
ears, and that wac thing regretted
seriously, until it was explained to me
that great chiefs little sick child desired
them to play with-and if you could have
seen how much more cOntented and rest
full the poor young thing was after it &C
quired them you woull have felt how
blessed thing it is 20 be able to contrib
ute to the happiness of even ii little
child"
cit was the impulse of Il generous heart
it was spirit Of Iiberality as rare as it
is beautiful And how did Johnson like
it ?"
"Oh, johnson said it was the will of
God. 1t was like johnson to say that -
But the missionaries were right well treat
ell on the whole, Ihe natives tried various
interesting experiments upon them, such
as scorching them, and scalpiEg them, and
all that sort Of thing, and [ killed one Of
them myself; not in malice, but because l
he'd q curious caprice to see how he would
go with onions. He was a failure. Old
and tough. Cnderdone, my wahine said
"a shade too venerable, I said. Give me
pungency and tenderness for q cUmbina-
ton. Onions ard infancy is my idea of
comfort. You people don't know how to
cook. No, as L was saying, the Kanakas
experimental q good deal on the mission
aries III the interest Of science, and the ex-
perlmentS were generally fatal, though L
urged them not 10 waste the missionaries,
for We could rot know Wien we would
have another lot. But among those that
survived was Williams, and it was he that
sent home those damaging reports TO your
country, III which Ao spoke of the treat
ment OF his brethren in a peeyisb, fault
finding spirit, III becoming his sacred call
ing. suppose your people believed every
word OF it, and just jumped to the con
cluslOn that we were q base, lnhOspitable
race. Never explained about JohnsOn's
ears. perhaps ?-neyGr told why I killed
that other fellow ?--confOund nae, il does
seem to me that some people lake pleas
ure in incorporating things, and bring
ing Ob!OquY upon their fellOW-creatures.-
Sometimes [ feel as if ! had rather DO dead
and Of rest. The world seems so shame
less IL It's judgments, and ones life is SO
embittercd hg the malicious criticisms Of
thoso whose hearts are not in sympathy
with him"
cit was Piti.ul IN that Williams after al
you b done Tor his party"
g should say so But never mind,
let's be cheerful, any way. How are you
making cut Let me help you to q fried
plartain. Take some more of the pup p
No Try some Of the human being ? BY
George, this fellow is done to charm
Iou;li like him. He was Frenchman-
splendid chap-Young, and hale, and hear
ty-beautlful to look upon. Do you prefer
white meat or dark Let me help you to
some of the breast? All, ne. have known
Ehis yOungster for thirteen years-fshed
with him, swan with him, sailed with him,
gave couple of my sisters and four aunts
10 him. I loved him. He was always
good. He is good now"
Taking up a fragment Of his late broth
erin law. the King took bite, and then
GaZed long and pensively npOn the remain
der, till byand- bye the muscles of his
mouth began to witch with emotion, and
presently two or three great tears swelled
from his eyes and coursed down his cheeks.
Then, in q choking voice, he murmured
''Alas, they have fried him -
laid down the breast-bone Of deceased,
and burst into tears also. Such is the SYM
pathetic power Of grief. 1t was nothing
whether they fried him or boiled him it
was nothing to me how this poor foreigner
was cooked I was only eating him out of
vain curiosity, and not because ! loved
him, not because l respected him, not be-
cause [ wished to curry favor with his re-
latives. Yet | wCpt.
They have fried him - said the King.
''Alas, poor Gaultier. However, let us
cheer up; let lis be content. But 1 will
have my cook for breakfast for this, and
will fry linn, and see how he likes it. There
is nothing like sharp example to teach
man, my friend. But don't be IDLE, sir;
take some more Of the fried Frenchman.
ought TO be ashamed to offer you such a
dish, but you see how [ ana situated. He
ought to have been baked-this fellow
ought. We always bake Frenchman; we
never think Of frying him. But / wish you
had known this tcllOW-sO kind, so gentle
80 loving, and you see yourself how tender
ho is. But that Williams business wish
you would straighten that up for me when
you go back to America. If your people
they would not blame mo. 1t is little
hard, after have spent all these years in
building up good namo to have it all
knocked in the head by this shabby ad-
venturer. Now, what he called 'hideous
reveI, and feast of DEVILS and all sorts
Of vile and wicked names, was nothing
n the world, l give you my sacred honor,
out a simple arbecue-seventeen old
crippled natives, no account under
the sun, just al expense to the community,
and fricassed them to give q little
treat to some visiting town chiefs (aIder-
men you coil tnem in your country, who
were here for day or two from Feiee
Island. Feast of DEVILS indeed-made
Of dried and skinny old rapscallions that
the island is a thousand times better off
and [ am sure it was honorable in
is to be hospitablo to those strangerg.-
Though between you and re it was an
awful swindle on tlem-tlough, oh, don't !
mention it more cholera morbug and in |