The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-04-12
THE BACHELOR AND THE BABY
MFR. ELLERY CORBAN was an cx-

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vous before him. Mr.. Corban was a
bachelor of forty-fve, remarkably well
preserved, and rather fine looking. He
had portly figure, forid complexion,
and head of dark brown hair, which
any man might have been excused for
feeling proud of. Mr.. Corban was very
well off. He had never kept house,
perhaps because ,he knew that elderly
bachelors and widowers were generally
fated to marry their house-keepers; and
MIR. Corban regarded marriage and the
gallows about on par. Women and ba-
bies he considered very unnecessary
part of creation The mystery of their
having been allowed an existence he could
not he lp regarding their creation as a
grave mistake somewhere. He boarded
at Mrs. Greggs and had made his home
there for fifteen years. Mrs. Gregg was
as much like man as she could be, and
still be a woman.
One day last summer it became evident
to Mr.. Corban that he must take a Jour-
ney west. The interest of his business
demanded it; so he put few things into
a valise, said good morning to Mrs. Gregg,
and set out for the depot.
He was five minutes late, for his neck
tie had given him great deal of trouble.
and he had boen unable to find a pair of
stockings which were not destitute of
toes But he had comforted himself
with the reflection that, as he had boots
on, nobody would be wiser in regard to
the unclad condition Of his toes and he
at last got off. He heard the whistle and
started upon the run. If there is any,
thing especially calculated to put one out
of temper, it is having to run to catch
the cars and our hero may be excused
if, when dripping with perspiration and
completely out Of breath, he rushed into
the first Car which offered, he was irrita-
ted with the world, himself included.
The car was well filled In fact, there
was onl y one vacant seat, and that was
beside a woman. Corban turned to seek
the next car, but was met by the conduc-
tor at the door. "No room in there, sir !!
All full. Anniversary meeting at Par
kersburg. There's seat sir p indica-
ting the one beside the woman. Corban
was troubled with a touch of the rheum-
atism in the left knee, and could not
stand comfortably-nothing else could
have forced him to get so near one of the
sex. He stepped up to her and made the
stereotyped inquiry:
els this seat engaged ?"
"No, sir" replied a sweet voice; and
Corban saw that the speaker had blue
eyes and golden hair
He took a seat and the lady drew the
bundle she had been resting on the cush-
ion into her lap.
Better let me put your bundle upon
the rack p suggested Mr.. Corban.
The lady opened her eyes in indignant
amazement, whipped off a layer of flannel
from the package, and displayed to the
Mortified gaze Of our bachelor friend, the
red, puffy face of a moon-eyed baby.
"Muzzar's title, 'tweety sugar dar-
ling" she exclaimed in the dialect which
is perfectly ineligible to all babydom.
Muzzar won't let the naughty man
put the little lammio, lumpy baby up on
the rack !"
The baby struck out menacingly with
his fat fists in the direction of Mr. Cor
ban, and give utterance to yell of tri-
umph. Mr.. Corban broke into cold
perspiration. He had never been so near
baby before in his life 1t was almost
too much for him. He had strong mind
to stand the remainder of the way, or un-
til somebody vacated seat, but his knee
gave an extra twinge and decided him to
try and endure the terrible state of things.
lie took paper from his pocket and es-
sayed to read, but the baby had launched
out in one of those baby refrains, which
is like music in the ears of all mothers,
and the cooling so confused our bachelor
hero that he could make no sense of his
paper, so he pocketed it with the savage
determination to petition the next Con-
gress for women with babies to be kept in
car by themselves.
At the first stopping place he was on
the lookout for seat, and to his Joy dis
covered the gentleman in the next seat
L.