Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1870-09-22
Humorous headings.

Never trust to luck. It's credit is very
bad. ......
Judge Esther Morris-she of Wyom-
ing-is having brisk run of marrying
business.
Samson was an eminent tragediau in
his day, and in the last act, brought down
the house.
A lady has just been drowned in ma
tatorium. Ii she had stuck to water she
would have been all right.
An old lady in Indiana keeps a flock of
seventy or eighty ganders, whose soft
warbling and plumage are her delight.
Philadelphia has just found out that a
city, who stole lady's jewels, is man.
A Western paper thinks this a good
year Tor hons-the circus kind, that chaw
up bands, keepers, and lemonade peddiers
with healthy regularity.
A Milwaukee "nuss" says: "'Taint
much trouble to take care o sick pus-
sons: most on 'em don't want anything,
and if they do, they don't get it.
The "girl of the period" in Arkansas,
is described as thirteen years old, shoe
less, bonnetless, stockingless, and with
the sheriff after her for stealing horse.
The Chicago papers recommend that
the common council should publish a
comic weekly, for which report of i.s
proceedings would furnish abundant
material.
4 chemist in Boston is preparing re-
duced nitro glycerine for snuff. It's power
will be graduated so as to gently blow up
any sized nose. 1t will go off at pinch.
A woman went into one of the apothe-
cary's stores yesterday and wanted some
thing that would kill the Shoe Fly. She
wasn't aware that the hand-organ men
are fast doing it.
young fellow at San Fraucisco is so
eliminate that he has been arrested AZ a
woman repeatedly; so he has gone out to
service in q family, in despair of ever
being man.
Little boy, who stoned Stephen p
The Jews" Where did they stone
him p Beyond the limits of the city"
What did they take him for r" ITO get
good shot at him"
There are at present 900 ladies in the
Sultan's harem. The staff of the harem
includes 2, 300 persons, and 500 tables are
set to feed them twice day, with about
5000 different dishes.
A man and a young lady in Chicago
quarrelled over the ownership of small
dog, and each selling a leg, nearly en-
forced King Solomon's celebrated decision
in the infant case, when an officer arrest
ed both.
A gentleman in Auburn, Ne, whose
wife is i'll, took his young babe to his
place Of business, armed with a well dis
charged nursing bottle, and successfully
discharged the duties Of nursing father
in Israel till eventide. Such a man is
worth having in a family.
The portance of a comma was re-
Gently shown in a return received from
the chief constable at Denbigh, England,
by the parish authorities, which con-
tanned the dismissal of one of their police
oti2er', whose crime was stated to be,
For attempting to marry his wife, being
alive
Some bad boys at Oshkosh, Wis, put
hornets nest under the cushion of a sofa
in a church pulpit, few Sabbaths since,
and when the minister sat down, after
reading the hymn, he got right up with
out being told. He said be did not feel
Ike preaching that morning, and the con-
@regatiou went home in hurry.
Hero is a Yonkers romance A young
lady W 10 was engaged 10 be married
soon, on passing barber shop. saw her
in a chair, and barber tanning |
him. She supposed he must be sick, SO
she rushed in and threw herself in his |
arms, aud found he was only having his
dyed. She got some Of the /
cheek, aud so Disguised her that she |
broke off the eng agement.
A friend contributes the following veri-
able incidents to the spice box:
Two neighbors met on the village park
n one of our rural towns, ana being mem
1ers Of different religious societies, one
aid to the other, 81 suppose of course,
your minister gave you Christmas ser
non on Sunday" it being the Sabbath
ucceeding that annual festival. No, was
he reply, he did not i; the other expressed
little surprise at the departure from
ong established custom of the venerable
,astor well" resumed the neighbor, ''he
lidn not, tor / was there, and he preached
ii day upon the Birth ofChrtst." a
Near the close Of the last war with
Emg aad. two gentlemen, mem ber- Of the
of our town, had met, and in
on vers ation upon the state of the country,
II tbose days of peril and danger, the in
uiry w8s made by one party, az to the
,raspest of an am;e A. Il Q Element between
he two contending nations in answer,
aid he, zone thing L do know (and it was
cry gratifying to young lad, who had
ieen listening to their conversation, to
md the person who did know what the
respects in the future were), that if Eng
and does, not come to terms of peace,
treat Britain will"
The Roman Catholic Christian Brothers
New York have 10000 children under
Instruction. ,
There are twenty-five Americans hold
ng Office under the Khedive of Egypt.
The fire in the peat swamps IN Hart
and, Niagara Co, has been extinguIshed.
Fifteen thousand miles of railroad are
ow under contract in the United States.
The Milwaukee Sentinel establishment !
7as sold last week for the sum of $9o,oOO.