Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1870-04-08
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

ANiHftN VNOMhN---Au NC AhnllucTbs
THH BOTTLE TRICK Getting drunk.
FLAT FALsEHooD--Lying on your back.
Hon WoRDs-Dialogue in balloon.
To REMOVE STAINS FROM CHARACTER
Get rich. ~
UNREoUTED LovE--A passion for gam
bling. @a
PUNCH calls wig, gown, and bands, .
law suit.
MEN who know good "deal"--Card-
players.
CApp1LIARY AFTRAorfoN-Falling In
love with chignon.
IF you want to get sure crop and
big yield, SOW wild oats.
PEOPLE who live by Jokes, are gene
ally very "poor jokers"
MATTERS of moment ought to be de-
scribed in a minute manner.
A CRITIC says Of famous singer that
she sings few airs and puts on q great
many"
THE lady whose blood curdled in her
veins, has ever since been very sour in
her disposition.
TIE lash that man does not object to
have laid on his shoulders--The eye-lash
of pretty girl.
WHY is an errand.boy like an old horse
put up at auctionS Because he'll 60 for
what he'll fetch.
MAKE friends with life insurance, that
when you are old 1t may comfort you.
Remember the Washington Life.
| A LoDGINe-HousE-K KEEPER advertises
ito furnish gentlemen with pleasant and
comfortable rooms, also one or two gen
tlemen with wives"
AN exchange wants the government to
issue stamps for kerosene, inscribed ".Pre-
pare to meet thy Cod"
PHRENoLoeIcAL FACT.-In the whole
British army, says Fun, not one soldier is
there with retreating" forehead.
WHY is horse the most curious feeder
in the worldS Because he eats best when
he has not a "bit" in his mouth.
Two twin brothers in New York are so
much alike that they frequently borrow
money of each other without knowing it.
AT a school examination, young ur-
chin being asked why it was so warm in
the torrid zone, very promptly replied,
because it is so hot |"
THE Washington is great public ia.
yorite-the increase Of business last year
over the year previous, was greater than
that of any other Cash Company.
STRANGE as it may seem, it is rfeverthe-
less fact that if you cut off your left
hand, your right hand becomes your left
hand.
A BOYS idea of having tooth drawn
may be summed up as follows 1.-THE
doctor hitched fast on me, pulled his best,
and just before it killed me the tooth came
out"
THAT'S very singular" said young
lady to gentleman who had just kissed
her. oh, well, my dear miss, was the
reply, II will soon make it plural ~ and
the villain did
"PLAsE turn your head little" said
beautiful nurse to her male patient.
You have turned 1t already, madame"
said he. " All, sir, guess you will not
die this time"
"How is your husband this afternoon,
Mrs Quiggs?" Why, the doctor says as
how it ,he lives till morning he shall have
some hopes of him; but if he don't he
must give him up"
"I DIDN'T like our minister's sermon
last Sunday" said deacon who had slept
all. sermon time TO a brother deacon.
Didn't like it, brother A.? Why saw
you raoddSng assent to every proposition of
the parson."
A WIDowER's SoRRows.--
heard judge his tipstaff call,
| And say. : Sir, desire
| You go forthwith and search the hall,
| And send me In my crler."
And search, my lord in vain may"
| The tipstad gravey said:
"The cTier cannot cry to-day,
| Because his wife 10 deadI"
A PITTsFIRLD, Mass, man lost his
hammer. He gave one of his boys a
sound thrashing for losing it. Not long
after the father found the missing hanl-
mer where he had left it. Never mind"
said he, trying to console the boy and his
conscience, "whlppings never come
amiss y
A CINCINNATI lady, who recently found
the gas escaping in her servants chamber,
asked her if she had blown it out instead
of turning it of, and was told that she
was not 30 green as all that; she had
only turned it on again little, that it
would be easier lighted in the mornin'."
"MY DEAR, if you go on at this extrav-
agant rate" said penurious husband to
his wife, II shall go cut of my wits"
well, my dear" responded the affection
ate wife, there'n be one comfort in it,
anyhow, and that is that if you do go out
OF your wits, you'll not have to go so far
bat what youth be within easy call"
A CLERGYMAN who had been staying for
some time at the house of friend, on
going away, called to him little Tommy,
the tour-year old son of his host, and
asked what he should give him for a
| present. Tommy, who had great respect
for the "cloth," thought it was his duty
to suggest something of religious nature
so he answered hesitatingly, I'll think
| should like testament, and knOW
should like pop-gun"
A LINE OF LINEs.-A romantic pair in
Pennsylvania are blessed with a lot of
daughters. The eldest was called Caro-
line, the second Madeline, the third Eve
line, the fourth Ange-line, when 10! the
| fifth made its appearance and no name
could be found with the desired termina-
tion. Determined, however, to flight it out
on that line if it took all summer" the
parents at length pounced upon name
very popular in their neighborhood, and
forthwith the baby was called Crino-line.
COMPOUND INTEREST,"
Ben Adam had golden coin one day,
Which he put out az interest with jew;
Year after year, awaiting him, it lay
Until the doubled coin two pieces grew;
| And these two, four, SO on, till people said:
| " How rich Ben Adam sP' and bowed the SER
| vile head.
Ben selim had golden coin, that day,
Which 10 stranger asking aims he gave,
Who went, rejoicing, on his unknown way.
Ben Selim died, too poor to own grave;
But, when his soul reached heaven, angels, with
| pride,
Showed him the wealth to which his coin had
| multiplied.
In trial at Cork, for murder, the prin-
cipal witness swore strongly against the
prisoner. He particularly swore that
hat, found near the place of the murder,
belonged to the prisoner, whose name was
James. by virtue of your oath, are you
sure that this is the same hat Yes"
"Did you examine it carefully before you
swore in your information that it was the
prisoner's?" 81 did" "Now, let me
see" said O'Connell, as he took up the
hat and began to examine it carefully in
the inside. He then spelled out the name
of James slowly, in this manner
James" "Now, do you mean to say
this word was in the hat when you found