The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-05-24

BEl@ A druggist has this cheerful invi-
tation in his show-window Come in
and get II emetics for one shilling.
Dsgn What is the difference between
young girl and an old hat Merely
difference Of time-one has feeling, and
the other has felt.
RGy" An urchin being sent for five cents
worth of maccaboy snuff forgot the name
Of the article, and asked for five cents
worth make-a-boy-sneeze.
Bay In reply to young writer who
wished to know which magazine would
give him the highest position quickest,
a contemporary advised powder maya
zine, if you contribute fiery article"
Bey" In pool across the road, in the
county Of Tipperary, Ireland, is stuck ND
a pole, having affixed to it board with
this inscription:
Take notice, that when the water is
over this board the road is impossible"
BGgn A young man having devoted him
self to the special entertainment of a COM
pany Of pretty girls the whole evening,
demanded payment in kisses, when one
of them instantly replied, " Certainly,
sir; present your bill"
BGyp An excellent old deacon. who.
having won a fine turkey at charity
rattle didn't like to tell his severe ortho-
dox wife how he came by it, quietly re-
marked, as he handed her the fowl, that
the Shakers" gave it to him.
R6y@An Irishman in Waterbury, Conn.
recently drew a piano stool at q gift
entertainment. He kept it few days
and then returned it for "repairs" to the
seller, stating that he had "turned it
and turned and not bit of tune could
he get out Of it."
BeS@ A little girl after returning from
church where she saw a collection taken
up for the first time, related what took
place; and among other things she said
with her childish innocence, that man
passed around plate that had some
money on it, but didn't take any
RSg" Barber said farmer to his ton
sor,' now wheats cheap, you ought to
shave for half price
Can't, Mr. Jones' said the man of
razors l ought really to charge more =.
For when wheat's down, farmers make
such long faces that | have twice the
ground to go over"
Dasn DR.. Williamson had quarrel
with one of his Pensioners by the name
of Hardy, who showed considerable re-
sentiment. On the succeeding Sunday
the doctor preached from the following
text, which he pronounced with much
emphasis and with significant look at
Hardy, who was present: "There is no
fool like the fool-Hardy.'
Gs2J~ A few days ago man entered an
insurance office in Buffalo, and, tossing
paper on the counter, said to the clerk
That's run out, want to get it renewed
AS the clerk unfolded the document
broad grin spread over his face, and he
inquired Are you sure that this has
run outY Yes said the man, my wife
told me it run out yesterday morning.
whereupon the clerk handed back to him
his marriage certificate.
Rel7" Here's an account that all our
young readers will not see through at
glance:
John Smith
To Robert Jones DR..
6 copper pans, @$2 $1,000
2 wooden do A GO
|
$500
You see two wouldn't do" which
left to pay for,
Who was the Fifth.
An lrishman who had been absent for
some time on fishing excursion, met
one of his friends, who inquired of him
what luck he had. ooh, he replied"
"we had a most Elegant time intirely."