Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1870-02-02
THE CHRONICLE.
How Sneeches are Made.
IFrom the Chicago Trlbune.l

FROM the CmcdSO AAAD~HSl
There is a respectable college in the
State of Illinois whose students are
addicted acknowledgements famous,
or infamous, on other mems brains.-
About a year ago one Of them came to
this city and engaged a gentleman as
a coach, to drive him through ms
course. He was ssmart, gentlemanly
looking fellow of about %, gifted with
a glib tongue and u~nbounded audaei-
ty. He said he was in his first year,
and wanted to create a favorable m
preston on the faculty by some pub
fic ''~splurges.n There was to be a de-
bate in the town, and he had yolun-
teered to speak on the negative OF II
question. The question was not select
ed at the time, but he would inform
the coach by letter. In a few days
the coach received the following, n
name and date only being omitted.
"DERE SUR: The subject is:
"RcSOlCed, That the u. 5. should
be extendid. 1 suppose that menes
that it shud 90 up to the poles and
down to the ELEVATOR. What Will you
charg for n good argimint against it.
"Yours, --'
The following reply was returned :
"DEAR SIR: That is a difficult
question to argue negatively. 1t is
also unpopular. However | will give
you all that can be said on that side
for - dollars. Poetic and Latin quo
tations each ten per cent. extra. L
will throw in the North Pole, the
Aurora Borealis, and a few icebergs
gratis. Yours truly, -"
The following answer came back:
DEERE SUR: Go on with the doc
ument. Give me 3 cents worth of lat
in and 5 cents worth of poetry in e.
ry twenty or thirty lines, and throw
in all the Use bergs you can for the
money. Yures trewly."
The document including the 'ise
bergs," was duly forwarded, with in
structions as to its delivery. The in
structions advised the orator to deliv-
er the paper as nearly as possible on
an empty stomach, so that his voice
might be deeper and more resonant
The modest coach concluded as fol-
lows:
Properly delivered this ought to
send you to Congress or the Legisla-
ture. Get the poetry off by heart, de-
liver it as if it were your own, and let
fly the Latin as if you understood it.
The Aurora Borealis is a big thing,
and so are the icebergs-
Whose green roots sleep
In the awful deep
Two hundred fathoms low.
"Give the word awful loud and
broad in an awful manner. If you
think your audience is green enough
to believe it make the ice
Sir hundred fathoms low,
LET me know how the thing goes
off. l heartily wish you a safe deliv-
ery."
On the following day the coach re-
eeived the following;
"Sur, p. o. Order for Enclosed.
pleese find $ for value received.
"Yures -"
Soon after he wrote again as follows:
"Dere Sur, could 1 get you to write
me an orration of 10 minutes lenth. ]
would like something in the connie
stile if possible, yet of course suitable
for a mixed assembly. If you can
acOmodate Inc 1 shall be much obliged
and shall compensate you on reasona-
BILE terms. 1t may be best for you to
choose your own subject, yet if you
amy doubt weather it would suite me
or not, you could write and let me
know.
my debate came on all right; the
papers here say the negativ fairly
brought down the house,
"'If you accept this and send it down
about the second or third of June, /
will make it all Right.
ALSO, how much tdcks will you
levy for writing me a string patriotic
fourth of july speech? say half an
hour long.
81 guess this will do for this time.
eff you can do either Or both of
these, plese write. Yours truly,