The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-06-07


fight a duel, but declined on the plea
that he did not wish to leave his ould
mother an orphan.
D9~ Sure, an didn't jne the Metho-
dist? Faix, and did, / jined for six
months; an behaved SO well they let me
off with three"
RsS" A nine-year-old boy at the school
in Lincoln, California, was asked what
punishment was given to Adam and Eve a?
He replied; "They were driven off the
rancho"
Ba~ A darkey gives the following rea-
son why the colored race is superior to
the white race: "All men are made of
clay, and like the meerschaum pipe they
are more valuable when highly colored."
bay Recollect, sir" said a tavern
keeper to gentleman who was about
leaving his house without paying the
reckoning, Recollect, sir, if you lose
your purse you didn't pull it out here"
The broad hint was taken.
BD- Did you present your account
to the defendant ?" inquired lawyer of
his client. ~ did, sir" And what did
he say?" He told me to go to the
devil" "And what did you do then?"
" Why, then-I came to you"
ban Miss will you take my arm ?"
asked an old bachelor. "La! yes, and
you too" said the young lady. al can
only spare the arm miss" hastily replied
the bachelor. "Then I can't take it,"
said the miss" my motto is to go the
whole hog or none at ALL"
D1~ A Massachusetts, dentist recently
advertised that he would give a set of
teeth to the first caller on certain Mon.
day morning, and before sunset on Sun
day there were two men and woman on
his door steps impatiently waiting for the.
dawn and the coveted prize.
B9~ A bachelor says that all he should
ask for in wife would be good tenn
per, health, good understanding, agreea-
BILE physiognomyy figure, good connection.
domestic habits, resources of amusement,
good spirits, conversational talents, ele-.
CANT manners and monev!
BSg" A late judge was a noted wag:,
A young lawyer was once making his,
first effort before him, and had thrown
himself on the wings of imagination far
into the upper regions, and was seemingly
preparing for higher ascent, when the.
judge exclaimed, "Hold on, hold on, my
dear sir Don't go any higher, for you.
are already out of the jurisdiction of the.
court"
Bag" A girl at Chester, Vermont, has
died from tight lacing These corsets.
should be done away with, and if the
girls can't live without being squeezed,
we suppose men can be found who would
sacrifice themselves. AS old as we are
we had rather devote three hours day
without cent of pay, as brevet corset,
than see these girls die off in hatmanner.
Office hours almost any time"
g6y~ A New Hampshire farmer wanted
farm hand, and was applied to by an
Irishman who wanted to work The
farmer objected to engaging Pat, on the
ground that two. Irishmen previously in
his employ had died on his hands.
Thin you object to hiring me for that,
do ye" said Pat. Faith and I can
bring you RECOMMENDATIONS from many a
place where I've worked, that I never
played such trick p
Dag~ A midshipman asked a priest to-
tell him the difference between priest
and a jackass. The priest gave it up.
"One wears cross on his back, and
the other on his breast" said the mid
shipman.
Now" said the priest, tell me the
difference between a midshipman and
ackass"
The midshipman gave it up, and asked
what it was. The priest said he did not
know of any.
BGgA A San Francisco school teacher
received the following not from the !" os-
tensible" parent of one of his pupils: "I