The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1870-03-18


As when it would the heart beguile
Of one dark hour OF sorrow.
Customer, lin search of hardware in
one of our stores,) "Show me small,
low priced shears"
Clerk, (facetiously)-"Pcrha you
mean pair of shears"
Customer (severely-T mean pre-
cisely what | said"
Clerk (dSfantly opening specimen
articie)-"Are there not two blades
hcre2 and don't two make pair 2"
Customer (triumphantly-"You have
two legs; does that make you pair of
men Z"
The shears were done up in profound
silence.
A Unitarian preacher in converse
ton with a clown, reprimanded him Sc
verely for not attending meeting; final
ly told him that in hell he would have no
opportunity to hear preaching. at
will not be for the want of preacher /
guess" he replied.
A married lady lately consulted her
lawyer on the following questions, name
ly, "As | welded Mr.. Smith for his
wealth, and that wealth is now SPENT
am | not, to all intents and purposes,
widow, and at liberty to marry again ~
A disagrceablo old bachelor, being
rallied on his matrimonial prospects
with "Don't despair; there are as good
fish in the sea as ever was caught, you
know" replied: ayes, | know; but
somehow it seems to me that they don't
bite as they used to do"
4 row in a niger church at Louis
vile, which ended in stabbing affray,
was begun by one of the brethren knock
ing the others teeth out, because he
could sing and pray the loudest. ave
are all miserable singers"
What is a hirt "A young lady of
moro beauty than sense-more accom-
plishments than learning-more charms
Of person than grace of minl-more adj
mircrs than friends more fools than
wise men for attendants.
A young lady of one of the first fami-
lies OF Bridgeport whose father made a
fortune selling mosquito bar blankets for
army use, went into a drug store the
other day and asked for bottle of "Hair
Manure" 1t was "Renewer" she wan
ted.
A tavern boaster the other day, vaunt
ing his knowledge of the world, was
asked by wag at his elbow if h. had
been in Algebra. "Oh, yes" said he,
81 once passed through it on top of a
stage"
John Randolph once on a race course,
was solicited to bet by stranger who
said:
"Smith here will hold the stakes"
"Just SO" replied the descendant of
Pocahontas "but who'll hold Smith ~
A boy who heard the quotation, IA
little learning is dangerous thing"
wished 10 stop going to school, because
he was afraid he should not live long
enough to past the dangerous point.
A tipsy tailor spent some time in exam
lining a canc-bottomcd .chair, and then
said "Dang my buttons, but it was
cute fellow that twisted that cane around
all them little holes"
A Tilted swain spitefully says: "Eve
did not know as much as her daughters
of the present day. Had Trey been in
her place, instead of being deceived they
would have deceived the devil"
A middle aged spinster, at recent
Woman's Right Convention, said she
did not care about female suffrage, I'M
less it carried with it the right to make
proposals of marriage.
The following notice appeared on the
west end of country meeting house
"Anybody sticking bills against this
church will be prosecuted according
to law or any other nuisance"
A young Illinois boy laid a train of
powder through the kitchen, and touch
ed it off "to scare ma" He hasn't got
over the spanking yet.
A young lady of sixteen, who had
worn short dresses all her life, positive
ly told her mamma she would wear
them no longer.
Take two letters from money and
there will be but one left. We know a
fellow who took money from two letters
and there wasn't anything left.
"Only give us our bread and occas-
ionally forgive US our debts" says a
New Orleans editor, "and We gre salts.
fed"
Necessity has no law but an uncom
49,, sc i.,-Va,s