The Charleston daily news. [volume] (Charleston, S.C.) 1865-1873, 1870-05-19
THE INCOME TAX.
Mark Twnin's Interview with an As
SCISSOR, and what Came of II.
From the Buffalo Express.I

From the Buffalo ENpreSs.J
The first notice that was taken OF me when
sssettled down." recently, was by gentleman,
who said he was an assessor, and connected
with the United States Internal revenue ps- ~.
partment. said I had never heard OF his
branch of business before, but was very gad
| to see him, all the same-wOuld he SIT down
| He sat down. did not know anything par
! ticular TO soy, and yet felt that people VINO
had arrived at the dignity OF keeping house
must be conversational, must be easy ana So
ciable in company. So In default OF anything
else to say, asked him II he was opening his
shop in our neighborhood.
he said he was. ! did not wish to appear
Ignorant, bat lad hoped he would mention
what he hadfor sale. .,
81 yentured to ask him "hoW was rade Z!
and he said, "so-so."
then said we would drop In, and five
liked his house as well as any other, We woald
give him our custom.
He said he thought we woHld like his esta0-
lishment well enough to confne ourselves 70
it-said he never saw anybody who would go
of and hunt up another man III MS nne ai0er
trading with hinf once.
That sounded very compiacent, ouI paIring
that natural expression of villany which we
ali have, the man looked honest enough.
/ do not know how 1t came about exactly,
but gradually we appeared to melt down and
run together, conversationally speaking, and
then everything went along as comiortaoiy as
clock-work.
We talked, and talked, and talked-at least
did. And we laughed, and laughed, and
laughed-at least he did. But all the time l
had nv presence of mind about mel had my
native shrewdness turned on "full mead, as
the engineers say. / was determined 10 ma
out all 7about his business, In spite OF his OBJ
scure answers; and was determined would
have It out Of him without his suspectiDg what
was ak I meant to trap him with deep,
deep ruse. would tell him all about my own
business, and he would naturally so warm to
me during this seductive burst of confidence
that he would tell me all about his affairs be-
fore he suspected what was about. / thought
to myself, Ny son, you little know what an old
fox you are dealing with. said:
Snow yopaiever would guess what made
lecturing thiswinter and last spring."
ssNorsdon't believe could to save me. Let
me see-let me see. About two thousand dol
lars, maybe? But no-no, sir, l know you
couldn't have made that much. Say seven
teen hundred, maybe?"
ing receipts for last spring and this winter
were fourteen thousand seven hundred and
fifty dollars-what do you think of that :" u
s'Why it Is amazipg-perfectly amazing. l
will make q note OF it. And you say even this
wasn't all %
'All! Why bless you, there was my income
about-about-welh what should you say to
about eight thousand dollars, for instance y
s'Saf! Why I should like to see myself
rolling in just such another ocean OF afiuence.
Eight thousand! I'll make note oft. Why,
man land on top of all this am to under
stand that you had still more income ?"
'sHa-ha-ha! Why, you're only 10 the sub
urbs Of 1t, SO to speak There's my book. The
Innocents Abroad ss so to SIS, accord
ing to the binding. Listen to me. Look me
in the eye. During the last four months and
half, saying nothing of the sales before that
but Just simply during the four months and a
alfending March Is, 1870, we've sold ninety
five thousand Think of it. Average four
dollars a copy, say. It's nearly four hundred
thousand dollars. my son. get hal" "
THE suffering Moses! I'll set that down.
Fourteen-seven-tifty -tifty-eight-two hundred.
Total, eay-well, upon my word, the grand
fourteen thousand dollars. Is that possible p
Possible If there's any mistake its the
other way. Two hundred and fourteen thou
sand, cash, Is my income for this year if 1
know how to cipher"
Then the gentleman got up to go. It came
over me most uncomfortably that may be that
had made my revelations for nothing, be-
sides being lattered into stretching them con-.
siderably by the strangers astonished excla-
nations. But no; at the last moment the gen.
tleman handed me large envelope and said
it contained his advertisement; and that !
would find out all about his business in it.
AS soon as he was gone, i opend his adyer-
tsement. studied it attenliVely for four
minutes. called up the cook and said:
"Hold me while faint. Let Maria turn the
bat CT cakes"
Byf-and-bye when came to, sent down to
the rum mill on the corner and hired an artist
by the week to sit up nights and curse that
stranger, and give me lit occasionally in the
daytime when came to hard place.
All, what miscreant he was His 'adVer-
tisement" was nothing in the world but a
wicked tax return.
1t was plain that that stranger had enabled
me to make an ass Of myself. 1t was very,
very plain, and went out and hired another !