Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-04-08
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS

THE BOTTLE TRIcK-Getting drunk.
FLAT FALsEHooD- Lying on your back.
HIGH WoRDs-Dialogu in balloon.
To REMOVE STAINS FROM CHARACTER
Get rich.
UNREoUTTED LovE-A passion for gam
bling.
PUNCH calls wig, gown, and bands,
law suit.
MEN who know a good "deal'-Card-
players.
CAPILLARY Misunderstanding in
love with a chignon.
If you want to get sure crop and
big yield, SOW wild oats.
PEOPLE who live by jokes, are gene
ally very "poor jokers."
MATTERS of moment ought to be de-
scribed in minute manner.
A CRITIC says of a famous singer that
" she sings few airs and puts on great
many"
THE lady whose blood curdled in her
veins, has ever since been very sour in
her disposition.
THE lash that man does not object to
have laid on his shoulders-The eye-lash
of a pretty girl
WHY is an errand-boy like an old horse
put up at auction? Because he'll go for
what he'll fetch.
MAKE friends with life insurance, that
when you are old it may comfort you.
Remember the Washington Life.
A LODGING HOUSE. KEEPER advertises
to furnish gentlemen with pleasant and
comfortable rooms, also one or two gen.
tlemen with wives"
AN exchange wants the government to
issue stamps for kerosene, inscribed Pre-
pare to meet thy God"
PHRENoLoeICAL FAcT.-In the whole
British army, says Fun, not one soldier is
there with retreating" forehead.
WHY is horse the most curious feeder
in the world? Because he eats best when
he has not "bit " in his mouth.
Two twin brothers in New York are SO
much alike that they frequently borrow
money of each other without knowing it.
AT school examination, a young ur-
chin being asked why it was so warm in
the torrid zone, very promptly replied,
Because it is so hotI'
THE Washington is great public IA
yorite-the increase of business last year
over the year previous, was greater than
that of any other Cash Company.
STRANGE as it may seem, it is neverthe-
less fact that if you cut off your left
hand, your right hand becomes your left
hand.
A BOYS idea of having tooth drawn
may be summed up as follows: " The
doctor hitched fast on me, pulled his best,
and just before it killed me the tooth came
out"
"THAT's very singular" said young
lady to a gentleman who had just kissed
her. oh, well, my dear miss, was the
reply, 81 will soon make it plural p and
the villain did.
"PLAsE turn your head little" said a
beautiful nurse to her male patient.
" You have turned it already, madame"
said he. "Ah, sir, / guess you will not
die this time"
GLOW is your husband this afternoon,
Mrs. Quiggs?" Why, the doctor says as
how If he lives till morning he shall have
some hopes of him; but if he don't he
must give him up.''
81 DIDN'T like our minister's sermon
last Sunday" said deacon who had slept
ALL sermon time to brother deacon.
Didn't like it, brother A? Why l saw
you aaoadir1g assent to every proposition of
the parson."
A WIDowER's SoRRows.-
= heard judge his tipstaff call,
And say = Sir, desire
You go forthwith and search the hall,
And send me in my crier"
And search, my lord, in vain may
The tipstaff gravely said:
1.-THE crier cannotcry to-day,
Because his wife is dead!''
A PITTsFIELD, Mass, man lost his
hammer. He gave one of his boys
sound thrashing for losing it. Not long
after the father found the missing ham,
mer where he had left it. "Never mind"
said he, trying to console the boy and his
conscience, Whippings never come
amiss -
A CINCINNATI lady, who recently found
the gas escaping in her servants chamber,
asked her if she had blown it out instead
of turning it off, and was told that she
" was not so green as all that; she had
only turned it on again little, that it
would be easier lighted in the mornin'."
My DEAR, if you go on at this extrav-
agant rate" said penurious husband to
his wife, 81 shall go out of my wits"
" Well, my dear" responded the affection
ate wife, there'n be one comfort in it,
anyhow, and that is, that if you do go out
OF your wits, you'll not have to go so far
but what you'll be within easy CALL"
A CLERGYMAN who had been staying for
some time. at the house of friend, on
going away, called to him little Tommy,
the tour-year- old son of his host, and
asked what he should give him for a
present. Tommy, who had great respect
for the "cloth," thought it was his duty
to suggest something of religious nature,
so he answered hesitatingly, I'll think
should like testament, and I knoao [
should like pop-gun"
A LINE OF LINEs.-A romantic pair in
Pennsylvania are blessed with lot of
daughters. The eldest was called Caro-
line, the second Madeline, the third Eve
line, the fourth Ange-l line, when loi the
NTH made It's appearance and no name
could be found with the desired termina-
ton. Determined, however, to flight it out
on that line if it took all summer" the
parents at length bounced upon a name
very popular in their neighborhood, and
forthwith the baby was called Crino-line.
COMPOUND INTEREST,"
Ben Adam had golden coin, one day,
Which he put out at interest with a jew;
ear alter year, awaiting him, it lay,
Until the doubled c0lntwo pieces grew;
And these two, four, SO on, till people said:
How rich Ben Adam is ~ and bowed the ser
vile head.
Ben Selim had golden coin, that day,
Which to stranger asking aims he gave,
Who went, rejoicing, on his unknown way.
z Ben Selim died. 100 poor to own grave;
But, when his soul reached heaven, angels, with
pride,