The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-10-25

acoustic oil all hollow
ga They tell Of man out west
whose hair is so red that he has to wear
Ay-nets over his head to keep the can
die moths from flying in.
Ecg~ Somebody having advertised that
futing would be nicely done, another
somebody is out with notice that fling
will be executed at short notice
BSgn A person in prison was asked by
friend what it was for. For telling
lies how is that ?" demanded the other
Why, telling people would pay 'em,
and not keeping my word"
be5n " Come, don't be proud" said a
couple Of silly young roysterers to two
gentlemen sit down and make your
selves our equals" "We should have to
blow our brains out to Go that" said one
of them.
nGy~ Boarding house chicken-soup can
be made, it is said by hanging up a hen
in the sun so that her shadow shall fall
into a pot of salt and water. The only
trouble is that on a cloudy day the soup
is liable to be weak.
nG3- In speaking Of friend who pos
sosses Il very rubicund countenance,some
one said the other day: 81 don't think
he drinks-in fact, l know he does not
for he told me SO but he probably sleeps
in bed with red curtains"
Heya Two men by the name Of Beans
were lately hung in the north Of England.
A countryman passing near and seeing the
crowd, inquired what they were doing.
"Only stringing few Beans" was the
reply.
Re- Why,' said Bob Pittings to
William Swipes, when he caught him
drinking, Il thought you had signed
the pledge" $50 have" said Swipes,
but all signs, you know, fail in dry
weather"
p7y~ A western editor accused another
of having stolen his report at a meeting
which was recognised by certain ear
marks. The retort courteous is that the
first editor should tie his ears over the
top of his head while writing, to keep
them out Of the ink-bottle,"
Be5~ The English is said to be one Of
the most difficult languages for a foreign
er to learn. Recently foreign lady
went to see a fine boy baby, and, in en-
deayoring to express her admiration
said Oh, my, what nice fat babee
How fat is he, don't he?
n1y~ A new minister at New Bedford
took a stroll before breakfast on the first
Sunday he was there, and after walking
dozen blocks was accosted by shabby
looking individual with: You needn't
look any further; there amt plagucy sa-
loon open"
RGgn " Mother" said little shaver, the
other day know what | could do if
| was at sea and the men were all starry
ing, and they should draw lots to see
who should be killed and eaten, and it
should be me--Pd jump into the water"
But" said the mother, "they would
fish you up" "No they wouldn't says
the boy, " I wouldn't bite"
Nc A cabin-boy on board ship, the
captain of which was religious man, was
called up to be whipped for some misde-
meanor. Little Jack went crying and
trembling, and said to the captain " Pray,
sir, will you wait until | Isay my prayers p
" Yes" was the stern reply.
"Well, thon," replied Jack, looking
up and smiling triumphontly, I'm say
them when get on shore"
IG5' Muggins was passing up the street
p ore day, with friend, when he observed
:. a poor dog that had been killed, lying
in the gutter. Muagns paused, gazod
intently at the defuuct animal, and al
last said:
Here is another shipwreck."
Shipwreckj where?'
Il "There's bark that's lost forever
His companion growled and passed on
kr An old German farmer, named
Peter Mock, at late court day at Gray
son, Ky, was party in suit in whicl
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