davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

"There is two ways of doing it,"
said Pat to himself, as he stood
musing and waiting for q job on
the street corner. "lf / save
$4,000, I must lay up 5000 a year
for twenty years, or l can put S2o
away for two hundred years. Now
which way will I do it 7"
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

"Are these pictures which you
brought home from Europe all land
scapesf n said an artist to Mrs.
Snobby one day. "Lord bless you,
no." replied the indignant lady,
" them's lie paintings"
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

A club of henpecked husbands
met once a week, that meeting being
their only day of enjoyment and
rest. When they adjourned they
called it a rising of the tied.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

Hearing a physician remark that
a small blow would break q nose,
a rustic exclaimed 4" Well ] dunno
about that. I've blowed my nose
a number of times, and never broke
IL uot y
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

"Jim, what makes your cats keep
up such a cursed mewing all the
nightr "Don't know, Bill ! sup
pose, though, it's On account OF their
new -cuss membrane"
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

A journal asks what is the oil
ference between a soldier and a fash
ionable young lady and replies
One faces the powder and the other
powders the face.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

A Pennsylvania farmer states
that he cured his daughter Of the
Grecian bend by pouring water on
her and holding her out in the sun
until she warped back again.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

1t is reported that an Orange
County farmer has been stabllng q
cow in an ice-house all summer to
make her give ice.cream. ...r
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

AHenglish Hidea -" Well, if
haitch hand no hand har hand o
hess don't spell 'orse, than my name
haint' 'Enry I'LL"
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

An Irishman eating his first green
corn, handed the cob to the waiter,
and asked: "Will yes plaze put
some more banes upon me sthick 7"
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

A teacher, catechising his schol.
ars, put the following question:
"What was made to give light to
the world ~ "Matches !" cried one OF
the Youngsters, after a short pause.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

"What is home without a moth
err as the young girl said when
she sent the old lady to chop WOOD.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

"Jintlemen, will yees come to or
ders If you only keep silent, you
may make as much noise as you
DlaZe.n
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

win you dake sulnding % said a
German teetotaller to a friend, while
standing near tavern. "''
IL don't care il / do, was the re.
n4y, -s-. 1. 81. .--... . .5,t.
Ven, den, let's dake atvalk."
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

Dickens said sI have heard vast
quantities of nonsense talked about
men not looking yoW in the face.
Dent trust that conventional idea.
Dishonesty win STARE you out Of
countenance any day in the week, Il
there b anything 70 be got by Il"
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

What's most like white-tie !
Give it ups Why, a black eye, to
be sure. = r
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

Why is a dog with a broken leg
like boy at arithmetic Y-becanse
he puts down three and carries one.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

Why does the minister have more
wives than any one else9 Because
he often marries a couple at time.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

In a game of cards, a good deal
depends on good playing, and GOOD
playing depends on a good deal,
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10
THE HUM0RISTs' COLUMN
A little nonsense NOW and then.
IL relishedsb the wisest men.

An enraged man tears his hair
but an enraged woman tears her
husbands.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10
Josh BILLINGS PRAYER.

From tu many friends, and from
things at luce ends, Good Lord de-
liver us! -.
From a wife who doant luv us,
and from children who doant look
like us, Good Lord deliver US
From snaix in the grass, from
snaix in our butes, from torch-lite
PROFESSIONS. and from all new rum,
Good Lord deliver us!
From pack peddlers, from young
folkes in luv, from old aunts with
out money, from kolera morbus,
Good Lord deliver us!
From welth without charitee, from
pride without sence, from pedigree
worn out, and from all rich relations,
Good Lord deliver us
From nusepaper sells, and from
pills that amt fisk, from females
that faint, and from men who fiat
ter, Good Lord deliver us! ~
From virtue without fragrance,
from butter that smells, and from
| cats that are coarting, Good Lord
deliver us
From old folke's secrets, and from
our own, from megiums and vim
min kolnInittees, Good Lord deliver
us I .....' III,
From polyticians who pra, ane
! from saints who tipple, from RI koffi
red herring, and awl grass widders
/ Good Lord deliver us
From folks who won't laff, AMI
| from them who giggle, from TIT
butes, easy virtue, and ram mutton
| Good Lord deliver us.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

A revenue collector in Missouri
recently tried to collect fifty cents a
head in a ball-room-the tax on nops'
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

aGive me a bite of your APPLE >
said one little street boy to. another,
and I'll show you my sore tUe:n 81"
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

The man who would keep his
head cool shouldn't put stove-pipe
on it. Es@s s..
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

An East-Iennessee woman stop
ped q railroad train by waving
red flag, and wanted to know OF the
enraged conductor if Sairey Melvl-
ma Thompson was aboard-'-Whlch
the same was her sister.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

! As q worthy divine and a broad
thinking doctor were discussing a.
bout the aIsssays and Reviews
some doubts were raised whether
Eve was formed from a "bone,o
when poetical Lady remarked,
seWell, if Eve was so formed, it must
have been from the bone of conten-
tion.r 49,
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

CURE FOR WARTs.-Take a small
piece of raw beef, steep it all night
in vinegar, cut as much from it as
will cover the wart, and tie it on, or,
if the excrescence is ON the forehead,
fasten it on with strips of sticking
plaster. 1t may be removed in the
day and put on every night. In one
fortnight the wart viii die and peel
off. The same prescription will cure
corns. @
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

Peace at Last.-A country paper
SAYS: "There is a graveyard in the
neighborhoed where may be seen
the impressive picture of a man
sleeping by the side Of six wives"
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

A paterfalnilias, who was investi-
eating the cause of a fearful racket
In In the dorrnitory, was met with this
explanation "I just pl1mmelled
Harry a little, because, you see, the
deuced torment wouldn't let me say
my prayers. &s
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

Tom Hughes thinks "to0 great
haste +" the American national weak
ness.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

The favorife novel Of ofacerseek
ers-ssPut Yourself In his Place.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

Easily Pleased.--A DoWn,Easter
a,lvarfiSes for wife id the following
M, manner: q ANY gal what's got .
cnw. a good feather.bed with com
h,rtable fxins, five hundred dollars
| in the hard pewter-one that's had
the measles, and understands tendln'
children-can find q customer for
| life by writing q mall billy dux, ad-
dressed to @. e., and stickin it In a
| crack of Uncle Ebenezers barn, back'
side, iinin' the hog-pen.'
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10

A hurley Teiiton entered an omni-
bus, one day, with a huge meer-
schaum in his mouth, and taking the
only vacant seat, proceeded to roll
forth volumes of smoke. The con.
ductor seeing this violation of rules,
stepped up TO him and said I" No
smoking allowed" The Dutehman,
taking the pipe frotit his mouth with
an air of astonishmeiit, thus rep4hea
to the polite conductor :" deh'e
make no noise ven / schmokes'"
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10
UNIVERSITY OF LOUISIANA.
Law DEPARTMENT.

usHE ANNUAL COURSE OF LECTURES
In this Department, will begin on the
second Monday Of November 1870, and con-
tirue until Commencement Day in the ensu-s
ing Spring. Students of law desirous to ma
circulate, viii apply. to 3...zt& 7ssi#t
C.. ROSELIUS, .7a.l
Dean of the Faculty,
80 Cnstamhouse ST., New Orleans
Juiv 23-3m a a5;4ssT ga ss1s Il sE
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1870-12-10
sssEQUEL TO THE RAVEN"

The Present Are, published in Chicago,
gives the following remarkable poem, in its
last issue, stating that it was written by
man so insane that he had to be confined ny
straightiacket. He fancied that it was die
tated bv the spirit of Edgar A. Poe: 1t mas
never been published before, and VIII DOUBT
less attract much attention, as IL Is IN some
RESPECTS infinitely finer than Poes "Hfvep
The author is r. Allston LayendsG ~,
maniac in Ne lurfAtic asylum a RA'eigh'
North Carolina:
Fires within my brain were burning,
acorp;no life. despairinge yearning,
Homeless. blinded In myaanguish;
Through my body's open door
Came a Raven, foul and sable,
Like those evil birdsof fable,
Downward swooping where the dropping
spectres haunt the Stygiap shore
Ghosts of agonies departed,
AFeste8ng wounds that long had smafteo'
Broken vows, returnless mornings
Griefs and miseries of yore.
By some art revived, undaunted,
eazed steadfast: the enchanted,
Blacke Internal Raven uttered
A wild dirge-not Evermore.
Gazing steady, gazing madly
On the bird spoke, and sadly
Broke down, too deep for scorning.
Sought for mercy to impIore.
Turning to the bird l blessed it
In my bosom I caressed it;
Still it pierced my heart, and reveied
In the palptating gore.
grew mad the crowning fancies
q Black weeds they-not blooming pansies'
Made me think the bird spirit.
Bird, cried, be bird no more:
Take shape--be man, be devil;
Be a snake: rise in thy revei!
From thy banquet rise-be human
have seen thee oft before, ~ ....'
Thou art bird but something more.
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1870-02-09
Stock in Winter


Stock that is in good health and not
worked, if it has range of pasture
and access to water will take care of
itself in summer; but this it cannot
do in winter, because the grass does
not grow; it is thus thrown upon the
mercy of its owner who sometimes
happens to be merciless, and the poor
creature is only half fed and of course
detcriorates in value or may be dies
starved to death.
The great reason why so many farm
ers fail to make money by their bust
ness is, because they do not conduct it
in the best manner. Every farm
should be stocked, but all farms should
not be stocked alike. The selection of
stock requires Judgment and this
judgment is acquired partly by study
and partly by experience. The farm
must be stocked to suit the market
where it is located, and to suit the
number of acres and quality of the
soil. IT you are near hog market
stock largely with hogs, such as will
grow and fatten in the shortest time
on the least food. If near a mutton
or wool market, stock largely with
sheep, if your land is suitable for that
purpose, somewhat hilly or rolling !;
and so of other stock, being careful
always not to over-stock. To make a
profit on stock it must have the best
care, be fed regularly and plentifully,
kept clean and otherwise well attend
ed to both summer and winter, but
particularly in winter. To succeed in
stock raising the farmer must have a
taste for it, must feel a pride in having
it look well, and always select that
variety for which he has taste-and
make it pay.-Ana. Stock Journal.
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1870-02-09

We print elsewhere the very impor.
tant bill introduced to the Senate on
Thursday, by Senator Thurman, from
the Committee on Finance, authorizing
the funding and consolidation of the
national debt. This bill, unlike most
others on the same subject, is very
clear, and will be easily understood.
The bill provides for three classes of
bonds, one class at forty years, at 4 per
cent; one class at thirty years, at a.
per cent; and one at twenty years at 5
per cent; each class amounting to $780,
100000, and redeemable after ten
years, and the principal and interest on
the whole amount to be payable in coin,
either in the United States, or in Lon.
don, Paris, Amsterdam or Frankfort
in sterling money, French coin OF in
German Thalers, as the holders NAV
elect. All classes of bonds and con.
pons are exempted from every kind Of
taxation. The sum of $3.50, 900 900 of
gold per annum, is appropriated from
customs receipts for the interest, and
sinking fund for reduction Of principal.
National Banks are required, within
one year from the passage of the act, to
deposit the new bonds with the Treas
ury, as security for their circulation,
and banks not willing to go on with
business under these provisions are al
lowed to withdraw and surrender their
circulation.
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1870-02-09

A miserable pest, called the currant
worm, has made us mad for years.
We see that coal ashes mixed around
the roots as soon as the frost is out will
kill the little bugs. Let us all try it.
Why will not the same remedy cook
the curculi0? A writer says it is q
sure remedy for currants. If you
cannot get coal to burn into ashes try
the common wood ashes or turn the
ashes to I've, mixing mercurial ONT
ment with it. We believe curculio
can be scoOped by some sort of mer-
curial preparation Try it, ashes and
all. Kill all the cursed bugs you can
find.
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1870-02-09

The West Union Gazette's "Shann-
on items" names Allison as Harlan's
successor in the United States senate.
Shannon thinks Allison's defeat, in
the recent election, was caused by e.
lack of votes-lack of seventeen
votes-but believes that in two years
this deficiency can be made up. He
says Allison didn't lose these seven
teen votes he never had them, and
he wonders why hissupporters (Shan
was one) went to Des Moines to show
fight against such odds. Gov Merrill,
ee al, are charged with the vile part of
the play by these Shannon-A1lison-
items as also by the post office sheets
generally. At the last advices the
Governors health was good and it is
believed that he will be able to serve
out his term Of Office even under these
sore Affections. 1t is their fight.
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1870-02-09
Bridge at North McGre9Or.

The Contract for building the bridge
across Bloody Run or Giard Creek, at
North McGrcgor, is awarded by the
Commissioners as follows:
To Truesdell, of .Freeport, Illinois,
the Iron work. To Michael Meighan,
of McGregor, the Piling and Masonry.
To M. Heisler, Of Pr. du Chen, the
Filling and Rip-rapping. Work will
commence as soon as the weather will
permit. II the other contractors are
as energetic and go-ahead as our
townsman, Mr.. Meighan, the job will
not be q very long one. Mike is a
worker, you bet.
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1870-02-09

OUTsIDE.-A beautiful poetic tribute
to the Times from Marie" IA good
story about house letting....." Com-
pulsory Education" The Sparta Ea-
gle expresses our views exactly......
Mrs. Cady Stanton on Mistresses.
N. Mathews, of Boston. .....A charm
ing Valentine story. May it do lots of
good. Railway Taxation, by the
Iowa Treas. of State. "Died Poor"
......Sec. Boutwell,. Iowa debt....
Pulpit of the Period, by the N. Y.
Sunday Times. -. Dawes Congress
sional bombshell in the radical camp
at Washington. Beginning of the
end of Utah adultery.
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1870-02-09

WEAVING CALvEs.-What is the
best age to take calf from the cow,
and how do you feed it? NJ. C. A.,
Adrian, h.-ANswER.-We gem
orally take the calf from the cow at
the end of twenty-four hours, and
fasten it with about six feet of rope in
box stall then milk the COW, and
standing off just far enough for the
calf to reach you, wet your finger with
milk, put it into it's mouth, and gently
lower your hand until it is immersed
in the milk in the pallet it continue
to have the finger until you have CIV
en- it enough. Tho next time dip the
finger in the milk and place it in it's
mouth in contact with the feed, grad
ually withdraw your finger and the
thing is done. It may be necessary to
repeat this at the third time. The Sc
cret is that you must stand just far
enough so that the calf can just reach
the pail of feed, as the rope will then
be taut, and hence he cannot reach
you or butt over or spill his milk or
feed. We have practiced this for a
number of years, and have had no
trouble to teach calves to drink.
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1870-02-09
uIKADnR CARDS.

Or. A. B. HANNA, Physician and Surgeon. All
calls promptly attended to. Elkader, Iowa. O9o
DIV. Chase, NJ. D., coraer Main and High
Streets, Elkader. 6S7
r. SNEDIGAR 4 SONS. dealers in Hard ware
Stoves and .Tinware, Agricultural Implements
Crockery and Glassware, Elkader. 6S7
V. BALLER, dealer in General Merchandise
Hardware, Drugs NJ eaicines, Elkader. 6s7
T.D.BAYLBss d CO., dealers in Drugs nd Medi-
cinss, Fancy Goods and Sundries, Elkader. 6S7
P.GARAGHTY, dealer in Harness, Saddles, Bril-
dies &C. Cash paid for Hides at highest mark
prices, Elkader. 6S7
PRICE COOK, Attorneys and Counselors at Law,
and Real Estate Agents. Elkader, Iowa.
Pay Taxes, Examine Titles and practice in the
Courts Of the 10th Judicial District, and Supreme
Court of Iowa. --s.g - -,ss.r
ST. WOODWARD, Attorney at Law, Elkader,
Iowa. 6S7
: A.w. DAUGHERTY& CO., dealers in Dry Goods,
Groceries and General Merchandise. Highest Mar
ket Prices paid for Produce, Elkader Iowa. 8S7
K. KALTENBACH, Watch Maker, dealer in Jewl-
cry, Clocks, Watches, Dry Goods, &C., Ekader, Iowa.
DR.. W. STOUT, Office opposite A. W. Dang herty
Co.'s Store, Elkader, Iowa,
W. A. WHITNEY, dealer in Iron, Hardware,
Stoves, Tinware and Agricultural Tools, &c. Eika.
der, Iowa. %
YOUNG & COOK, Attorneys at Law, Office over
G. RyaH's Store opposite the BOardman House. Elka-
der, Iowa, will practice in the 10th Judicial District
and in the Supreme Court of the State of Iowa.
Special attention paid to collections OF all kinds
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1870-02-09
Blatant BOsh.

DlatduJ DUSus
"She never moved her eyes from his
face when she put her hand down on
that cold little toy Of iron, which was
to turn sleep into death. Her pale
lips never quivered; the madness of
much thought, the rack of intolerable
suffering, had blighted all softer signs
of emotion from her face. The ten
seness of her.agony found expression
but in one idea-"He shall die ~ He
lay there, model of manly strength
and human beauty, helpless in his UNI
consciousness as feeble infant. She
steadied her hold on the pistol, and
put the other arm about his neck.
She thought she would kiss him and
pull the trigger at the same moment.
She would have the last embrace of
his living lips. She slid her fingers
round his throat, and (Thurston Now
bray never knew how near he was to
solving the great peut-etre in the grey
dawn of this June morning) disturbed
by the movement, or stirred by some
vagrant dream, he turned toward her
with smile, and, putting out his arm,
drew her hand and deadly instrument
it held over his bosom then dropping
his head on her breast, he relapsed
again luOO uccp Sluu1U0T. SouO SCare0
at him with wild eyes as he gathered
her in his arms. She felt her hand
and that which it held sliding over the
beating pulses of her heart. She rails
ed herself and looked first at it, and
then with a deep-drawn breath she
bowed her face on his hands, and COW
cred them with kisses, and her slender
form was shaken by husky, passionate
sobs and tears. The unnatural strain
had given way; the fierce jealousy,
the murderous resolve, all melted into
a murmurous sound of caressing
words, rush of bitter tears. ooh,
my love, my love; how can help low
ing you? Can l tear my heart from
nay body? Can / blot out all the days
and hours when 1 lived, and when
you were my life? for it is that ana
dead. am dead, Thurston, and you
have killed me-"
The above is quotation from re-
cent novel by Mrs. Steele, entitled $50
Runs the World Away" We should
think that all the sensible portion
would run away from it, if the quota
ton is a fair specimen.
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1870-02-09

Seley & Shaw, Of North McGregor, have
reduced their prices on lumber. Call on
them and buy while the roads are good
and supply your farms with fences, barns,
granaries, sheds and all other improve
ments which you may need. They also
manufacture to order, on as reasonable
terms as can be got any where, sash, doors,
blinds, pickets, &c., &c. A full supply Of
dressed and undrcssed lumber of all de-
mansions and of all manufactured articles
may always be found at their yards.
fQ5t1 rtsF
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1870-02-09

A certain political speaker closed an
address in behalf of his party with the
following ford peroration: sBuild a
worm fence around winters supply of
summer weather; skim the clouds from
the sky with teaspoon; catch thun-
derbolt in a bladder; break hurricane
to harness; ground-sluice an earth
quake lasso an avalanche; pin dia-
per on the crater of an active volcano ;,
hive all the stars in nailkeg; hang
the ocean on a grapevine to dry; put
the sky to soak in a gourd; unbuckle
the belly-band of eternity, and paste
TO let On the sun and moon ; but new
err, sir-never for moment, sir-de-
Jude yourself with the idea that any
ticket or party can beat our candidates"
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1870-02-09

According to the provisions of an act
of Parliament empowering the govern
ment to take possession of the telegraph
lines Of the kingdom, the treasury de-
partment has paid 9726,OOO sterling
for cable connecting England with
Germany by way Of the Island of Nor
mandy.
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1870-02-09
The Times.
McGREGOR, FEB. Q, 1870.
Cut Short.

Cut Short.
We cannot 'dwcll." Our Monster
press has "arrove," and Mr.. KEEnN, as.
sisted by our entire corps, together with
several good-hearted outsi ers, has got the
"animile' in position. The inside of this
edition will roll its handsome face around
cylinder for the first time in the life of
the NORTH Iowa TINES, we 90 to press
Friday evening. Cannot help it. Next
week our readers will be waited upon with
the TINES as promptly as they were before
We aspired to such modern improvement.
We know lots of things to say but our
boys land they are all good as wheat) say
hurry up and let us try this new "ingin"
which prints by rolling over AID over.
We quit.