Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1870-02-03


on educational institutions into contempt.
In Chicago there are any number OF
literary men who are ready, at a mo-
ment's notice, to concoct speech on any
given subject for proper consideration.
Many an Grafton delivered in legislative
bodies, for which the speaker gets due
credit, has been paid for on delivery
These Bohemian gentlemen will write on
any side of any question, and make out
as good an argument on one side as on
the other. 1t is purely a business mat
ter with them. For the time being they
ignore their own opinions, if they have
any, and like Artemus Ward, have ma
ry sentiment" The way they get
business is by inserting the following ad.
vertisemeut in daily paper: ~ scar
Speeches, sermons, &C.. written to order on
short notice. Address z, Tribune office.
This brings numerous applicants from
persons willing to wear borrowed plumes
because they have none of their own
Country clergymen send for original SER
mons on stated texts. Members of ru-
raj debating societies and of rural cor
porations anxious to astonish the natives,
apply for shifalutin' speeches; aspiring
politicians ask for denunciatory effu-
sion, spiced with anecdotes, and love.
lorn youths send the front name Of their
beloved, with detailed description of
her charms, and want a poem made to
fit. Students in colleges want something
for al annual commencement or for a
debate or lecture. One calls for an
impromptu address carefully pre-
pared another for an eppic poem, in
Mr.. Millions stile,' and so on.
There is respectable college in the
state Of Illinois, whose students are ad-
dicted to making themselves famous, or
infamous, on other mems brains. About
year ago one of them came to this city
and engaged a gentleman, as a coach,
to drive him through bis course. He
was a smart, gentlemanly-looking fellow
of about %, gifted with glib tongue
and unbounded audacity. He said he
was in bis first year. and wanted to cre-
ate favorable impression on the faculty
of some public splurges.' There was to
be debate in the town, and he had VOL
unteered to speak on the negative of the
question. The question was not selected
at the time, but he would inform the
coach by letter. In a few days the coach
received the following, the name and
date only being omitted. -
DERE sur: The subject is:
Resolved, That the q should be exten.
did. suppose that menes that it shud go
up to the poles and down TO the ekwalor.-
What will you charge for a good argimint
it. Yurse, -
The following reply was returned:
DEAR SIR: That is difficult question to
argue negatively. 1t is also unpopular
However will give you all that can be said
on that side for - dollars. Poetic and Lat
in quotations each ten per cent extra. ]
will throw in the orth Pole, the Aurora
Borealis, and few icebergs gratis. Yours
truly, -.
The following answer came back:
DERE Sur: Go on with the document
Give me cents worth of latin and 5 cents
lines, and throw in all the Use bergs you can
for the money. yures trewly,
The document including the ice
bergs,' was duly forwarded, with instruc-
tons as to its delivery. The instructions
advised the orator to deliver the paper
as nearly as possible on an empty stom-
ach, so that his voice might be deeper
and more resonant. The modest coach
concluded as follows:
Properly delivered this ought to send
you to Congress or to the Legislature
Get the poetry off by heart, deliver 1t as
if it were your own, and let fly the Latin
as if you understood it. The Aurora
Borealis is big thing, and SO are the
icebergs-
Whose green roots sleep
In the awful deep
Two hundred fathoms low.
'Give the word lawful loud and
broad in an lawful manner. If you
think your audience is green enough to
believe it make the ice
SIR hundred fathoms low.
Let me know how the thing goes off
1 heartily wish you safe delivery
On the following day, the coach re,
ceived the following:
Sur, p. o. Order for - Enclosed, plees
find s. for value received.
Yures,