South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1870-10-28
WIT AND IIUMOR.

city replied the parson.
Err How to be happy-read your own
paper, and not your neighbours.
@The way to treat man of doubtful
credit is to take no note of him.
S0rSaid ono man to another, Ifit wasn't
Sunday bow much would YOU take for all
that lumberT IF it wasn't Sunday, I'd
tell YOU was the reply.
D0- Don't get into rage. 4 tub Of
water Is better. You'll feel the cooler for il
E1 a money hunter being about to mar
~ fortune, friend asked him how long
tho honeymoon would last. Don't tell me
Of the honeymoon, he replied; ft is the
harvest moon with me-
S9-An Englishman stopping at coun.
Try Inn In one of the Eastern States. was
continually Boosting Of the superiority Of
everything in England, and depreciating
The productions of America. The landlord
as may be surmised, did not relish this. and
therefore thought Of plan to get souare'
with the English blower. Producing n
oushel of fine, healthy crabs, he poured
them In the Englishman's bed, then telling
MS guest that the room was ready, be light
ed candle, aud escorted him up stairs
upon reaching the door, the Yankee man.
oged to put out the light OF course it
didn't make much difference 10 tho Eoc-
hshman, so he undressed himself and iump.
go INTO bed. Immediately he gave a terri
nc yell Landlord landlord ! come here
What are these in my bed The landlord
who outside the door, came in, looked in
the bed, and cody said 'Them's bed BUGS
can you beat them in England The
Englishman left
@e a clergyman being much pressed By
lady of his acquaintance to preach a ser.
mon the first Sunday after her marriage
complied and chose the following passage
In the Psalms as his text: 'And there shall
be abundance Of peace-whilo the moon
endureth'
a CALIFORNIA DosE.-Tho wife of
California farmer being sick, her pbysi
clan ordered some powder largely composed
OF opium, and directed her husband 10 nd
minister the weight of quarter eagle at q
dose. In the morning, when the doctor re.
turned the patient was dead, and evidently
of poison
Unhappy man. said the doctor, where
Is the powder / gave you p
Il gave it to her. Here is the empty
You forgot my prescription, them
No, doctor. / put the two dollars and
half in one scale and the powder in the
other
WAS it in goldY
NO | did not have the gold, so made
up the amount in silver
E| The Albany Eoening Journal says
'The Democrats begin to squoal.' The a.
mount of taxes wrestod from them by their
Radical rulers is enough to make anybody
squeal
EE \ correspondent (uumarried) sug.
gests that Solomon's wisdom was due to
the fact that he had seven hundred wives
whom he consulted on all occasions.
ETA Steward on an Ohio river steam
er was addressed by an excited and uneasy
individual who wanted him to put somebo.
by off the boat. The candidate for a for.
chile Discrimination was pointed ont, but the
steward could see nothing out of the way.
You don't eli? Don't you see that man
sitting there, bugeing woman?
Well, yes replied the steward but
what of that ? hasn't fellow right 10
embrace his wife ?
That's just what want to run him out
for replied the stranger dancing around
that's my wife, and I've stood it so LONG
I've got mad p
ES-Doctor's Wife: why do you not
send for my husband, dear, if you feel I'M
wellY Disgustiugly Forward Child oh.
Pa says it's generally easier to get rid Of
the disease than Of the doctor, if you once
get him in the house
ES-WiIIiam Richmond declines IN nav
for board to a New York laudady because
he found cockroaches in bis soup. That's
u small matter TO make a fuss about
E1-A little boy, running, struck his toe
and fell on the pavement Never mind.
my little fellow, said bystandcr. won
wont feel the main "a ,,,,,-,, ,,rt