Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1870-01-11
Mrs. Nuggins' Tim in Love.

| dunno what's the matter with that boz
Timothy. | can't tell for the life of me. He
losen' his appetite, and getting as poor as ,
snake. He used to always drink five cups o
coffee at meal, when now, poor, fellow, ht
can drink but four and half!
He's got to readin' poetry, which is sure
sign that he's goin to die soon; and he combs
his hair behind his ears, and is irving to raise
mustache. But worse than all, he sits out
| on the fence for hours and hours, and looks at
| the moon just like that old hound dog Uncle
| Samuel used to have; only he, the dog, would
bark at the moon all night | suppose limo
thy would bark, at it if he knew how but as
he cant bark, he makes it up drawin' long
breaths, what he cals's sighin' n'-sighin' in
deed ~
w hat Is the matter with you Timothy p
SAID to him the other day, when he couldn't
eat but half pie for his noon piece.
| was little furried with my washin' that
day, so | was little behindhand with the din
ner.
Nov just tell me, my nephew, what is the
matter ?"
''Auntie, said he, ''it is an impossibility for
you to understand the sublimity of my feel
ings! You have never scared above the level
Of
''Lud a mighty' said l. II have boen sore
a; many timel You kno. Tim, when I had
tnat last attack OF rumatlZ.
'Confound your rumatiz - he exclaimed,
jumping up and leaving the room.
know he's goln crazy. If he isn't goin'
crazy, he's comm very near it !! And if there
isn't something done for him, I'll have the boy
to bury, which would be an awful expense list
at this time, and butter only quarter pound,
but think it would be better for me if the
poor fellow was buried for he has such an aw-
ful appetite, and wants money so often, think
he'd be better off if he was buried, and I'm
sure I'd be better off if he'd die tomorrow.
And there's the splint new umberlller of
mine, which I've only had for twelve years,
which Uncle Samuel gave me for a birthday
present, that Timothy carried out the other day
when It come on to rain, and he got it soakin'
wet umberil | wouldn't had exposed to
the rain for anything
He wants his shirts starched as stiff as DO
ker, and he's all the time talking to hisself
We been certain sure there was something
dreadful the matter with him, and the day be-
fore yesterday 1 found out that my predictions
were true
He was eatin' his breakfast-Tim was, and
he couldn't worry down more an yard of sas-
sage and four cups of coffee; and he looked
dreadful bad and pale, and ST aky lookin'.
Now, says to him, says |, what is the
matter with you? Have you any pain in your
stomach p
NO. says he, ''darn the paiul" and he
took piece of bread.
is there anything the matter with your
head. then?' says |.
No" says he my head s plurbus!''
is it In your legs, then, where you feel
bad p says l. IL shouldn't think there was
though, the way you walk across that pasture
field NOR n two nights of week."
My legs are all right says he: the pas
ture-feld too"
III must be in your arms, then ?" says I,
Il saw you with em round the pumpstaik a
huggin' of it?''
No marm,,' says he. ''my arms are all llright,
wv here does the confection lay, then?'
says [. lookin' at him.
''Here!'' says he, in yeln, mellonkolly
voice, placin his right hand on his left vest
front. Aunt, IN in Lowell
| was dumbtounded / was taken all aback
Then studied and said:
You must be attended to Immediately You
must take dose Of oil, and some sut tea, and
some salts, and few drops of laudanum and
have your breast rubbed with goose grease, and
soak your feet with hot water, and have
pitcher plaster on your back, and mustard one
On your stomach, and go to bed, and have hot
bricks to your feet and take dose of-''
The devil u said be and he jumped up,
put, his hand to his stomach, and left the
house.
Oh [ know he's gon' crazy, my poor Tmo-
thy