Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-05-06
EKeisaaOr.
A quack dish-Roast duck.

What kind of robbery is not dangerous
"A safe robber, of course.
Bad taste-pretty young girls kissing
widower's children.
Why is drunkard like bad account p
Because he generally overbalances.
An indignant Hoosier wants to know how
a woman can be states man?
Why is windy orator like whale?-
Because he often rises to spout
Bed ridden-those who travel by night
in sleeping cars.
The stick that steers people the wrong
way-the toddy-stick.
Why is tale bearer like brick layer?-
Because he raises stories.
Why is an errand-boy like an old horse
put up at auction? Because he'll 60 for
what he'll fetch.
Shoe Fly bows are said to be all the fash
ion for ladies' hair. Is it a polite hint not
to bodder 'cm ?
Bishop Simpson thinks it better to eat
early and dilate, than to eat late and die
early.
The editor who kissed a fair damsel, say
ing "please exchange" is believed to have
exceeded the elderly of the press"
A milk-man accounted for the weakness
OF his milk by saying that the cows had got
caught in the rain.
A New York paper rules that Gas be-
tween a newspaper reporter and a dead man,
it is our duty to believe the reporter
Why is young lawyer like the national
currency? Because he is legal tender and
somewhat green.
A doctor detained in court as witness
complained to the judge that if he was kept
from his patients they might recover in his
absence
A young lady who has been studying ii
nance for some time past wishes to know
whether the day rate of gold affects the
nitrate of silver
A printers devil, wanting to kiss his
sweetheart. addressed her as follows -
cling my imprint upon your bill ?"
A veteran was relating his exploits to a
crowd of boys, and mentioned having been
in Eve engagements. "Thats nothing"
broke in little fellow. "My sister Sarah's
been engaged eleven times"
A clergyman consoling young widow
on the death of her husband, remarked that
she could not find his equal: II don't
know about that" remarked the sobbing
fair one 'but I'll try"
The following notice appeared upon the
west end of a country meeting house: Any
body sticking bills against this church will
be prosecuted according to law or any other
nuisance"
THAT chap who was "lonely since his
mother died. is all right now. His father
r,arricd the "head" of large family of
girls, and they keep house for him and give
him party nearly every night.
The man who raised cabbage head has
done more good than all the metaphysics in
the world" said stump orator at meet
ing. Then" replied wag, your mother
Dug ht to have the premium"
An rishman attending Quaker meeting.
heard young Friend make the following
announcement: Brethren and sisters. l
am going to marry daughter Of the Lord"
1.-The devil ye are' said Pat "faith and be
jabbers and it will be long time before yell
see yer father-in-law ~
ol:ob& ,,,;,un 3o~ ! -, {,r,
peranee n,aeting number of ladies who de-
sired to throw their influence on the right
side, came up to sign the pledge when son
of Erin exclaimed: ''Be CORA who would
think SO many fine looking Yankee women
driak q
Joe, what makes your nose so red p
''Fricndship."
Friendship How do you make that
out ?"
I've got friend who is very fond Of
brandy, and he's too weak to take it strong,
and I've constituted myself his faster"
The father Of DorAbella found that little
girls chubby little hands full Of the Bios
SONS of beautiful tea rose oH which he had
bestowed great care my dear" he said
''didn't l tell you not to pick one of these
flowers without leave ~ Eyes, papa" said
Dorabens "but all these had Leaves "
Jack g. is good fellow, but he will
drink. The other night osi bis way home
from the club, he stopped on eurbstonc
and thus addressed the moon, which was
shining clear and bright: "Shine on -
(hic)-sbine on us much as you please
chic Pm worth thirty like you, any
(hic) how You're full but once a month
and me-(hic)-gosh I'm full every night
-6ic)!'
Two Irishmeu. on sultry night, took
refuge underneath the bed clothes from a
skirmishing party of mosquitoes. At last
one Of them. gasping from heat, ventured to
peep beyond the bulwarks, and espied fire
fly which had strayed into the ROOM
Arousing his companion with punch, he
said, Jamie, jamie, be jabers, its no use
ye might as we'll come out! Here is one Of
the eraytcrs searching for us wild lantern"
The following conversation between
colored prisoner and a temperance lecturer
who was in search of facts TO fortify his DO
sitions and illustrate his subject, explains
stself:
.'What brought you to prison, my COL
cred fricnd..'
''Two constables, sab"
Eyes; but I mean had intetaperance any
thing to do with it 2"
1Yes sab; dey wuz bofe ov 'em drunk"