Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1870-09-24
Thrilling Adventures in an Express
CEice.

The Titusville Herald says: The life OF
an express agent has its dangers and difficult
lie. a. well a, it's pleasures, and also at times
IL marked With thrilling escape and wild adj
venture. The agent that handles the pack
sges marked this side up with care" AMI in
| the excitement Of business rcverses the posi-
ton Of things, stands as good chance Of To-
Ing "bovn up" as he who carelcely dropsa
can containing nitro slyccrinc. Some queer
express matter i. handled occasionally, such
as I've rattlesnakes, marked handle carefully;
brace Of fancy fowls; wild cats, and cans,
marked bonsd turkey, which contained glyce-
nne ard other explosives, too numerous to
mention. We have case in point. On Sat-
urday last box resembling chicken coop
was received at the Tl,usville office of tho Un-
ton Express Company, marked cd. Rice,
T:usville, Pa, thalf dozen grapcsl Do not
annoy the contents" At first the attaches Of
the company paid but little attention 10 the
scoop" which from its marks was supposed
I, contain boxes OF early grapes which the
shipper desired handed carefully 10 avoid con-
| fusion snd decay The day passed, but the
consigned called MT br his frnit, and meas
ure. were discussed rs 20 the best manner in
which to COLLECT charge, uppnth same, when
all discussion WI. ended by the contents Of
the box making charge themselves, for IN
the twinkling Of the extreme end OF a lambs
back bone no less than scveral bald-headed,
sweet scented mschicrous monkeys had jump
cd from this Pandorss box and had taken pos
session of the office Ii seems that the intelli
gent assistant express sgent at some point had
intended 70 mark the box "hslf dozen gray
apes. " but differing from Webster In his SPELL
ing had thus caused the mistake and detention
of a box Of supposed fruit which in reality
was consignment Of moral monkeys for Dan
Rice's show, and which instead OF caporing
nimbly about upon the back, OF the sacred cat
lie TO tho lasci,lon, pleasing OF a cornucopia
a. Dams great show, has been wasting their
sweetness on the desert air, until hunger and
ilirst compe!!-i raid upon the Express or
! fee.
But no time was lost. The doors wero Sc
cured. and armed with sticks Of sealing wax,
money packages, and c. O. D. packages, the
forces OF IN. crnpany rallied and a lively
chase began. The balloons chattered-thc
employees INDUCED themselves as did tho
1 on1 Of
Office TO the other the tide Of battle rolled.
while far above the din Of the conflict could
be heard the voice Of Robinson giving orders
of snged hair as the apes dashed over tho
candle use1 for melting wax.
"But the battle Is not TO the strong" il it
had been the apes would have carried tho day
for the atmosphere was filled with min
gled odor of scorched hair and polecat. Tho
leader of the What Is it " sat down in pool
Of melted sealing wax, and in an instant was
rooted to the spot. A second was demoraliz-
ed by quart bottle Of ink, which striking
him upon the top knot, showed that if tho
leopard can't change bis spots the monkey
can. A third ape fell into the glue pot and
was dragged out by his tail with each partic-
uar hair standing on end "like quills Of
fretful porker swine " going TO war, and tho
glue solidifying as it came in contact with the
air he quickly rescmbled statue cut in wax
and vanished. The animals were finally all
secured and slowed 10 the box, where they
are now quietly engaged in ruminatins upon
the fckleness Of mans loye-and chewing pea
nuts The employees Of the express Office
look pale and have the appearance Of men
who have passed through Andersonyille, but
they propose to conduct the express business
in a frst-cass manner, and balloons, gorllas
or other wild dcnizens Of the forest viii be
handled with neatness or dispatched, as may
be necessary.