Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1870-08-30
Miscellaneous Items.
A new pair of kids-Twins.
A word to the wise-remain Sc


A thrilling tale-the rattlesnake
No treat to the mariner-a gala-a-
day.
A useful ship for boys-apprentice-
ship.
A quick trip-to trip on an orange
peel.
Apples and skates have both occa-
stoned the fall of man.
A man ever ready to scrape an ac-
quaintance-the barber.
Book keepers and chickens have
to scratch for a living.
A volume that will bring tears to
your eyes-a volume of smoke.
Stage carpenters-actors who saw
the air and bore the audience.
The way to treat a man of doubt
full credit is to take no note Of him.
There are about 100000 profes-
sional singers in France.
Great Britain has 100000 miles of
Macadamized roads.
Victoria has now eight grandsons
and nine granddaughters.
The English Channel islands have
sunk 40 feet in five centuries.
Glycerine is an important element
in the manufacture of artificial wine.
A man weighing $50 pounds con-
tains Ill pounds of water in his tis-
sues.
The number of medical men in the
United States is estimated at about
10000.
Our Saxon grandmothers called
what are now known as garters, shank
| bands.
There are now $50 steamers trav-
ersing the Danube-of nearly all na-
tionalities.
Some Hungarian antiquarians have
discovered the skull of a pre-Adamite
elephant.
A subterranean lake has been dis
covered at Lancaster, Pa, 70 feet be-
low the surface.
1t has lately been discovered that
Time will be no mower when he hangs
up his scythe.
Advice to surgeons-Keep your
temper or you'll lose your patients.
What is everybody doing at the
same time? Growing old.
Why is the figure nine like a pea
cock ? Because it is nothing without
its tail.
knowledge is modest, cautious and
pure; ignorance, boastful, cenceited
and sure.
The most steadfast followers of our
fortunes are our creditors.
When a cat sings does she do it
on pur-puss?
1t is said that an appeal is to be
made for funds to restore aud repair
Mount Vernon.
A 350-pound alligator, broken to
harness, furnishes the team for South
Carolina planters blowing.
A belt of black crickets, mile
wide and reaches to sundown, is
sight in Nevada.
'Sambo, did you ever see the Cats
kill mountains q "No, sab: but I've
seen 'em kill MICE"
A widower was recently rejected by
a damsel who didn't want affections
that had been warmed over"
The Viceroy of Egypt expects to
realize $1O,0OO,O0O by the sale of
lands adjoining the Suez Canal.
Tulips are cultivated in 900 varie-
ties at Paris. The most ancient tu-
lips Of all are none the less abundant
in that city.
A German chemist has found test
so delicate that one part of arsenic in
one million parts of solution may be
detected.
Mrs. Simpson of Toledo, doesn't
care to vote. She thinks she can get
along with $4,000 made by running
a canal boat.
An employe Of an undertaken of
Sacramento laid himself out in one
of his employers cofIins, and shot him.
self through the head.
The Chinese say: Virtue does not
give talents, but it supplies their place.
Talents neither give virtue nor sup
| ply the place Of it.
Some leading citizens of New Hamp'
shire are organizing a society for the
relief and aid of those liberated from
penal institutions in that State.
| From Spain we learn that the splen-
did mines of Almaden have been leas-
ed for a term of 80 years to the house
of Rothschild for 130 millions of reals.
A doctor boasting at a dinner that
he cured his own hams, one of his
guests remarked, "Well, doc, / would
sooner be your ham than your pa
tient."
"Ah, my dear fellow" said an old
man once to friend, al am quite weak
and broken down with age. | used
to walk entirely around the park ev-
cry day; but now can only walk
half way round and back again."
An old farmer said to his sons -
"Boys, don't you ever speckerlate, or
wait for suthin' to turn up. You
might jest as well 60 an sit down on
a stone in the middle of the medder,
with pail atwixt your legs, an wait
for cow to back up to you to be
MIXED.
"Mary Magdalen had seven devils
cast out of her. | never heard of
man having seven devils cast out of
him" growled an old bachelor, in the
course of discussion on the woman
question. "No, they're not cast out
yet, l believe" was the quiet response
of his fair antagonist.
At the famous White Pine mines a
man was recently hired to dig a grave
for one who had died there. When
the funeral procession arrived at the
grave, the digger was in it and refus-
ed to leave, declaring that he had
uctrrck q f,po loodv ond cOuld MT