The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-01-13
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
BE(E)HOLDERs-Hives.


COOP MoTIvEs-Loco-moti
STEADY ON HIS PEGs-A shoemaker.
THE BEST THING oUr-An aching tooth
"WEATHER STRIPS "-Tattered avn
ings.
"RoLLING STocK."-Cattle on Rail
ways.
A POLICY in the Washington Life brings
cOntentment.
NEVER tell secrets in corn field-just
think of the ears!
WATERS EPITAPH.-He couldn't wait
any longer-so he went
THE man who works with will-The
Probate Judge.
WHEN does cabbage beat beet in
growing? When it gets ahead.
WHY is badly conducted hotel like a
fiddle? Because it is vile inn.
THERE is nothing like adversity to
bring a man out-at the knees and elbows.
"GENTLY the dews are DER me steal
ing" as the man said when he had five
due bills presented to him at one time.
A YOUNG lady who drew gentleman's
wrapper at a recent concert in Water
bury, Conn, now wants a gentleman to
put it on.
A NEVADA CITY merchant advertises
odd rags of greenish hue, embellished
with Chase's photographs, cheerfully &C
cepted in payment for stock"
ALWAYS turn your toes outward and
your thoughts inward; the first will keep
you from falling into the gutter, and the
last from falling into iniquity
Mrs. PARTINGToN has been reading the
health officers weekly reports, and thinks
total must be an awful malignant dis
ease, since as many die of it as all the rest
put together.
BEGGAR-woMAN: "Please, sir, give me
penny to keep me from starving :"
Gent: Cant stop; in hurry I've got
to make speech at the Society tor the
Relief of the Destitute
WHETHER you are to live long, or to
die soon, it is wise to insure your life in
the Washington; for if you are to live
long, a policy Of insurance is equal to
money at compound interest and if YOU
are to die soon, the investment results in
financial gain to your estate, proportion
ally larger.
A FRENCH paper prints the following
The wife OF General Y. dying suddenly
during his absence, his family was greatly
perpleXed to decide how the news should
be conveyed to him A nephew under
took the task and sought out the widower
General, my aunt is very ILL.," "You
frighten me-" "Yes, l fear we can not
save her." You sly dog" cried the be-
reaved husband, putting his fore finger 10
his nose, "Tll bet that she's dead ~
A MIsCHIEvoUs boy, having got posses.
sion OF his grandfatherS spectacles, pri.
vately took out the glasses; and when the
old gentleman put them on, finding that
he could not see, he exclaimed, "Mercy
on me, I've lost my sight p' But thinkinp
the impeachment to vision might be the
dirtlness of the glasses, he took them of
10 wipe them, when, not feeling them, he
still more frightened, cried out, "Why,
Eve lost my feeling tool"
MATRIMONY is-hot cakes, warm beds.
comfortable slippers, smoking coffee, round
arms, red lips, kind words, shirts exultinc
in buttons, redeemed stockings, bootiacks
happiness, etc. Single blessedness is
sheet-iron quilts, blue noses, frosty rooms,
ice in the pitcher, unregenerated linen,
heellesS socks, coffee sweetened with lei
Giles, quite percha biscuits, rheumatism,
corns, coughs, cold dinners, collcs, rhu-
barb, and any amount of misery.
A YOUNG man from the country was
supplng with some city acquaintances-
chiefly females Thinking to have fun at
his expense, one of the girls said to him.
You country folks don't often drink gen
uine tea, and perhaps you would prefer
the adulterated stuff Now what kind
would you like?" If it's all the same to
you. ladies" he answered, "rll take lit.
tie civil-tcd, mixed with modest tea com
blnation l see you have not got"
A wELLDREssED man, of easy and as
sured manners, took a seat in A Bowery
restaurant and eat literally of the mos,
expensive dishes on the carte Having
concluded his dinner, he coolly laid his
expensive ticket on the pay-counter, and
looking the proprietor steadily in the eye
said: " Please accept this ticket from me
| have no money" No money ~ said
the irate landlord. "Why then did YOU
eat my vittlesy :" Because was hungry
Yes, but you could have got along with
less; what did you eat the best there was
in the house for? If you're beat and a
beggar, why didn't you take plain fod
der.' Because" said the stranger, al
was brought up a gentleman, and nv
stomach revOlts at homely food" "Wel
that is good" beloved the landlord
losing all control of himself; "you shall
pay for them vittles, and I'll collect it out
of your hide" and reaching down his re
volver, he sprang over the counter and
collared his unwelcome guest, who de
liberately put up his eye-glass and sur
veyed the murderous instrument. "Ahp
said he, at last, "only revolver. Pro
coed. 1 'cas tearful yOu had a stomach
| punD."