Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1870-12-23
Eumrh Eor ajntitorisF


\. Why ~ n bicycle lihp a spcar7 Be-
cause IFS Two wheeled TO wleld).
) s,vnar ails your eye. Joc?'' 81
! told man he lied, T" wins the reply.
"Two heads are better than one,''
NJ the gentleman remarked to the cell
cry.
n Why 4 a box Of sardlhes like Joan
Of Are? Becuuse IT'S made Of oily 'uns
Maid OF Orleans.
SIR, return you pufffor a blow
said Il stout old gctleman when lie was
hit :" in the wind"
Why must lire drawn by pen
always be on slope? Because it's al
ways airink-linc uncline).
A gentleman who has recently lost
an eye, begs to intlmate that he lius
now "vacalicy for pupil"
TWENTY sFeF k corns on ore f,ot Il
the extraordinary crop Of which a
Richmond gentleman boasts.
Why Is a philanthropic effort like a
blow aimed ut MANS face2 Because
II tends to human-ixe (cyes).
AN iIlIterate man is derlded for that
annla,,ss.-,na., inc lie J nsarl. s $500 "'''
THE turkey question was peacefully
disposed Of Ix thousands Of families
In the United States last week.
Why do the Turks never try to gst
on the blind side OF u pegrO? Because
they know the Black i;ca well.
gentleman in the country, a few
days ago, sat down on 4 hornets nest
70 rest himself, Il did not talxp him
&c ~
SEVERAL Thousand splnstcrs, after
long years OF waichful observation,
entirely dlsscit from the proyerb,
4 Man proposes"
THE man who married three sister,
IN succession EXCUSES himself for do
/ ing 80 on the ground that lac got OIL
Il WIN niiiy one mother-lIi-law.
"SrrAN - said Dir Iarduer ";s IN.
great nnnihilotnr--it anni'iiiaics time
anu space. ~" siiu another, and
mnititudes Of passengers, too"
a little how ,,eoriny III e,4l,.r .,
aTbere il n time for al, thinrs u aslssd
his mother; When is the proper time
Tor hQnking sugar out or the sugar
bowl?"
ma ho, ,,o,, xr,o,, ,,,a,,x,,.
WINS istlietitS,1 r nar,sa,,al cbass a., os"1
said: GIVE me two or three ticks
more, mothers. don't think eau be-
have well YETI
"Rov n.bv d,d va, tolvo a., .1
or my sbinyIrs an ssundov9,i :. W.
sir, mother wanted some kindlng-
wood, aud Didn't want to split wood
on sunday"
10 f,.,p,s t,xspeu., fii,,as ~ a.,
outer ,lonrs 81 f,ur-stnrv ~ no,' w..
open file inner doors, and then take d
lung switch and chase eat up and
down stairs till she swcais.
m. c,., r.,,.
,na,,, ",,'"s.' ia'',,ass, ",s nu
is,0"n IN sil.e,,,, nase
5Ts'i TT0S'iiF on Tire fFonIier= IT'S Imz
possible 70 get good hold.
T.,...,,,,io,.,a,, ~. -.
~ ~ vo'ii ','el'se ing
-, III Il, ,.',,. III ~, .91"si ."''uw
u,i,''pn ~ pan,aS'ns o' nu,ipr pis'
and got his desert ut the end.
-,
~. "A
r''vil " 49," a''i'p'"s =" s"i",
, o'.,.Ni !, y o'n,'5s On ~ ~
.,'''' ~ -. WIN ,,'"s
- "'''"''es' "'' '''' "''''" % IT,
LIST LADY, What h The matter with
that young mnu's face? 1t seems to
nc ce'' ! "'' pom si"sy ~.
i'1' .~nn az sinssl hy
'''"" - = mining ""' S'''c-'o "is@e's
y priest asked tipsy follow, LEAKING
against the fence, where he expected
to 20 when he died? IF can't gel
along any better than now said no.
ii sI1an'i 20 anywhere" w 80
III y"u'ig ,a''y VINO on hearing .,
IA me sola-cusliions has since then en-
ureiy lost ~ but she Is entirely un-
/ connections OF the fact, and her friends
don't notice IL.
E,v,xor,,xr .sf.an. H. -
fell J,,.,s ,..s. ,i,,s 49,. ~
| tle ~ GronIon,,', f.Sniiy,,snd, ~, ~,
wltv nof my d.,rl,n,S9,, E'.,,,,o,j;,,e
.i>sc,,,sc-, ,sc,,,s,, ,,,,r, :, ( m \,
mvselfn 49, - -" =
a GENTLEMAN playing cards at I}a-
CEN Baden was much annoyed by an
inquisitlve stranger, who stood beside
hin and pried into his hand. At last he
I'd n 4, Nj aor,',,tar ,,,,,,,'.,s',,I,
savi,c. ~ her .o',r,,a,, ' NJ ~,
w;'re e. near ,,sa III. "i i'S shas ~ s"n
vo,,r II, ,,ns', fnr ~ ~, y s'"' '"is''"N
800 ''''''S 80 '''s =" -
COOP FARMISG.--''S ambo. Is your
master a good ialmer2"
oh. yes, massa f,is-rate farmcr-hc
make two CROPS in one year"
How is that, Sambo?'
'Why you see he sell All his hay In
de fall, and make money once, den in
de spring he sell dc hides Of all cattle
that die for want of de hay, and make
money twice, dat's two crops, massa,