The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1870-03-19
Variety.

Who takes thing as they come pa THE
Why is n balloon like silence f-Becaus
it gives ascent.
~woodchopper.
The most common end with a shoemake
His waxed end.
Big thing on ice-A skater weighing twt
hundred and fifty
In a thunderstorm, always get into a rail
road which has a good conductor.
Young folks grow most when in love. l
increases their signs wonderfully.
A young farmer who inquired how best to
start a nursery was told to get married.
Honesty" said the late intelligent x
" is the best policy, but the worst diplomacy
/ have tried BOTH"
Faber got so fat on his pencils that he sell
dom leaves his house. When he does, he is
probable - lead out.
Why is a nan who spoils his children
like another who builds castles in the air
Because he INDUCES in fancy too much.
:. What IS the cause of that bells ringing ?'
inquired William. 81 think" said John,
I" that somebody has pulled the rope"
" Jake, lend me ten dollars till sell my
dorg." Jake replied soothingly and sympa-
thically o, Jim! | wouldn't sell him.
Some of the Bostonians say they are
usually gratiied at receiving specimens OF
New Hampshire granite, but they would
prefer not to have them come packed In
butter.
Beggar woman " Please, sir, give me a
penny 10 keep me from starving" Gent:
s. Can't stop in a great hurry ; I've got to
make a speech at the Society for the Relief
of the Destitute"
who's that gentleman, my little man ?"
was asked of an urchin. THAT one with
the spiketailed coat pa {" Yes was the re-
Spouse, "Why he's a brevet uncle of mine"
:. How's that ?' was asked. Cause he's en-
gagged to my aunt Mary"
Husband-"O Oh, Eugene Eugene is it
possible that you persist in wearing the hair
of another woman on your head 2? Wife
'Oh, Alphonse ! Alphonse is it possible that
you persist in wearing the skin of another
calf upon your foot ?"
An absent minded gentleman, writing a
letter at the breakfast-table, dipped his pen
In his coffee and continued his letter. No
ticing his mistake, he put a lump of sugar in
the ink, and then finding his second blunder,
poured the contents of the inkstand into the
offee-cap to set it right.
In an intensely Democratic county of Cali
fornia a number of teachers were being ex-
amined before the County Board for the GER
tifcate. The questions were printed and the
answers in writing. One of the questions in
required the teacher to " give a 6rief
description of Sherman's march through
Georgia." A Republican teacher wrote his
answer, " Like a dose of salts"
Henry Ward Beecher, returning from
one Sunday, passed a number of
specimens of Young America " amusing
with a game of marbles, mixed
with swearing. " My boy" said Mr.. B.
to an interesting youth of eight years-"my
bow, 1 am frightened" Are you z" an
swered buttons, quite naively, "why the
devil don't you run, them,
Quakeress, Jealous of her husband, watched
his movements, and one morning actually
discovered the truant kissing and hugging
the servant girl. Broadbrim was not long in
discovering the face of his wife, as she peeped
the half open door. and rising with
all the GOODNESS of a general officer, he thus
addressed her {" Betsey thee had better
quit peeping, or thee will cause a disturbance
the family"
MatriIpony is-hot cakes, warm bed, COM
slippers, smoking coffee, round arms, !
red lips, Kind words, shirts e~xulting in but
.ons, redeemed stockings, bootjacks, happiness,
tic. Single blessedness is-sheet-iron quilts,
blue noses, frosty rooms, ice in the pitcher,
lnregenerated linen, heelless socks, coffee
with ~icicles, gutta percha biscuits,
corns, coughs, cold dinners, col
cs, rhubarb, and any amount of misery.
An Eastern editor says that's man in New
York got himself into trouble by marrying
wo wives. A Western editor replies that a
rood many men had done the same thing by
marry ing one. A Northern editor says that
quite u number of his acquaintance found
rouble enough by barely promising to marry, :
going any further. A Southern editor d,
APPS the climax by telling the story of a man
Who had much trouble in finding any one to
isten to his promise to marry. '
SEVEN Practical RULES FOR A TEACHER
l. Never attempt to teach what you do |
Iot perfectly understand. &
2. Never tell a child what you can make {
nat child tell you. t
3. Never give a piece of information with J
ut asking for it again. :
4. Never use a hard word when an easy :
ne will answer. t
5. Never make a rule that you do not rig t
lily enforce. b
g. Never give an unnecessary command. e
7. Never allow a child IN q class without .
omething to do. i
Henry Ward Beecher's views on the 4
musement question are sound He says: l
No amusement is innocent if it Injuries the =
articipant. Every man should learn to Sc b
and discriminate pleasure by his own t
lperiences. Where is the man that eats a n
,rtain article of food because it suits the d. "
,stion of his neighbor? What man, when II
ken i'll, sends to the apothecary and asks =
m to furnish the last prescription he put up a
r some other man! Every man should Sc a
ct his amusement according to his temper, E
of life, etc. By SO doing he
i'll be a better citizen, a better friend, a bet :
r Christian. 1t ought to be a part of the