Dallas herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1849-1873, 1870-12-10
1I,In.h anlln.. Taper.

asrl Tsain u shout thirty year.
O'd is~l Nsr. stands 5 n,ai ; aud
ans Gasi 'rr inrhs-. T. ihU bat d.
o. il.iys humori.i livins, sihuk.s
81 t,s,F- iny. ,knrhs "a part his
i..,F .H i,r ait.'ilr. 'lnn't Shoes ...aV
la lnuni rl' Z, hls .,''l = mnrarrhisi
h.u-ia,h, iag'rs Numan "a sAv Ia,
aaiv- ,og,, and rs,hsgs likker.
IL 80. rare h,lei eFss, wrars
sy',.sT hni,'s, nhl ,s,n quill a
i'srNr1ai, Al a misRll's H1lis, as n'll
81 AnP 'hl"g' az 4" p'n'nPlus's
bags.
!sS y m genial ishaF1 Ice mysi
~ s,n add milk, 6a, ia d charming
LATER,
ils il married. az all g,rl lokus
ar'i they all know there aihl no
hamBF ia 4 rnl b'ds,cd,
lie lives In Buffalo, and what IL
mosl wonderful, and the hardest To-
paserslani, ia said 10 bv rich, Veal,
thy humorisls AFRO scarce 10 be had;
,svy generally invest all 0v their
isc'Ny 3. they 81 along Ia The com,
mon oceGrrcLtcS o? the day
l.c?1H says hn wont iyk,nr ny
more, hot'e report lies (fdr 0aec
in it, mi, for Mark Twain, before
~ audience, Ia az vaky TO uu'lcr-
Stand ~ strawberries and r,ysm.
IliG late back, called "innoeenee
Abroad" IL the most dcli.hus his
tory over pSrnscd. Il hAE all the
Integrity ~ the mul,lplicashnn
table, and, nj the samo time. IN M
full rf lcviiiry ~ Galiivcr's travels.
Mark Twain don't think IL col
leg. !arni; he haz larnt what he
knows hy seeing il did, aud can tell
whit lrco will make shingles BY
looking ~ the bnrk.
lie IL like all oIhor genuine hu.
morists. don't 10 the lnliiing himself,
ara really much prefers to say u
good lhiig rather than funny one,
Tic h0z no more humotIn liE iooks
than q fiddle har.
Ito don't use profano Language,
although think now ] once heard
him use the pronoun dam" but if
my memory rccollects hcrsclf, at
that particular timo tho conv ersation
ras about saw mills.
l believe he liz noS1oh urch mem.
her, but my imprcssi9l.iz that hiz
religion lies docp.
All genuine humorists,.i although
fun IL their game, and although they
believe that even virtue has u ridi. |
ruous sidc to hor,) have in thoir
bottom nature many places where
they kncel down lin privato) and
say good things in low tone.
l love Il Jealous christian, one who !
hollers virtue; bat | have come TO
tho conclusion Gin late years. that
the Lord rint deaf. and that all the
real piety in this world amt kept in
rams horns.
But may DO misiakcn about thi,; !.
j, is just my darn luck.
am not bosom friend ov Mark
Twain, because he doa t know me
we'll enough to take me into hin bo.
some. We never mot bat three or
four times, but there warsa no timo
wasted in inquiring ateer each
others families; we both wsst in to
win, and ] AM certain he wcnimc.
think how could endorse Mark,
Il don't mean his note, for 4 have,
quit all kinds of gambling;1 he
seems to mo to have with all the
cc.cntricitics ov his natUre) /
n apct for me.
lie has told me that he iz ny
fr;erd, q he won't alter hiz mind, |
for there Amt nothing on earth a.
wont except bears) that | fear more
than do those whom ! think don't !
love me. |.
There is great strength to some
mon, no doubt, in having plenty ov
hatcrs; it Celebrates hiz gall, but
am one ofthose ungangaine crea-
turcs who sweat easy, and who had
rather have lamb follow him home
than frozen recognition from a rail
road president.
Mark Twain haz great wit; he
haz great literary prctension, but he
is u poor punstcr, and he ought to
DO thankful for that, for there aint
nothing (unlcss it IL thrcc,ccnt gin)
that is more dcmoralizing than pun
hing. 1t is full az bad habit az
whistling, and full az oftena substi-
tute for thought.
Goodbye, Mark Twain. Let me
advise you to forgive the liberty
fmSo taken in this sketch, and also
let me ask you Tin behalf of my
aoighs,crs) 10 keep before the world
with your rare bits Of humor, for
there il great need for such az you.
But don't expect too much pay;
Mark, for there is one thing that
cant be explained, and that IL. those !
who make US laugh the most are
like fdd!ers, paid off grudgingly in
tho morning, and then kicked out
doors.