The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-04-21
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
+ LIGHT TMBER-Sunbeams
A GOOD SIDE SHOW-Alpretty check.

SOME grocers show their grit by sand
ing their sugar.
"CAN you return my love, my dearest
Julia ?" Certainly, sir; do not want
it, I am sure"
"HURRY, mamma" said a little inno-
cent, with his cut finger, hurry, it's leak
ing"
FoRETHoUGHT and prudence both say
insure your life. Take their advice and
insure in the Washington.
MANY men nourish wicked contempt
for cold water They hate the bucket,
and consequently soon kick it.
SHE that marries man because he is a
good match, must not be surprised if he
turn out lucifer.
A JERsEYMAN, in reply to the charge
ths.t women can do no fighting in time of
war, says his wife does nothing else.
A HIsTRIONIC party, who had heard a
good deal about the "theatre of wal" sug
gests that the back seats must be very de-
sirablc.
THE Washington Life Insurance Com
pany is increasing more than two thou
sand dollars per day, above ali losses and
expenses.
A New YORK hotel recently startled its
guests by putting mice pie" in the bill
of fare. Investigation proved that mince
pie was intended.
THE Detroit Free Press finds another
argument against hard work in the fact
that man recently died within five min
| utes after splitting some wood.
A MAN may be ever so poor, he may be
ever SO unfortunate, but he need never be
hard up for candles SO long as he makes
light Of his sutferings.
a DowN-EAsT paper says, in an Obitu
airy notice. that "the deceased had been
for several years director of bank, not
withstanding which he died a Christian,
and universally respected"
4 TRADEsMAN objected, the other day, to
receive from one of his customers note
at 80 days, on the ground that he might
die before that time. "Die" exclaimed
the customer, who ever heard of man
dying within 30 days"
TIE following advice is from New
burg paper: Press on, young man, though
you be poor. We know youth who,
with only his two hands and a crOwbar,
opened a jewelry store, ana now he is
living in u fine stone residence i'll Sing
Sing.
A SMART old lady, being called into
court as witness, grew impatient at the
questions put to her, and told the Judge
that she would quit the stand, for he was
"raly one of the most inquisitiYc old
gentlemen sine ever see"
TIE receipts at the Boston Post Office
last year amounted to 81, 1@3, 100, most Of
| which was in sums If "a few cents or dol
lars. and not one cent was lost. The
mt of 1.rf,
the Office has doubled within four years
HUSBAND. of l were TO lose you, /
would never be such q fool as to marry
again" Wife. eff I were to lose you, L
would marry again directly" Husband
"My death would be regretted by at least
one person" Wife. "By whom?" Has
band. "My successor"
THE panbury, Conn, Mrs. Of a recen.
date says; SUNDAY Being q ba,my day,
the styles were brought ont. The most
richly dressed lady we saw is the wife of
a man who las owed this office |l3 for
nearly three years. He says he cannot
raise the money, and We believe him."
CAvENDIsu, the philosopher, invariably
had a leg OF mutton for his solitary din
ner. On one occasion he announced to
his servant that six gen'lemer we've to
Il
to rive them for dinner?" calculated the
factOtum, III dismay; zone leg of mutton
won't dO for six gentlemen" "Then give
them six legs of muttonw was the philo-
sophical reply.
TBEY are constantly making tie most
interesting discoveries of antiquities al
Rome. Among other things lately found
at Os;;a is Il portable iron kitchen !;
- 81
one place for Goals and = ayle-pan when
open, the kitchen is in the form of star,
radiating from this center furnace, and at
the end.oi each ray is little furnace, with
places for cooking utensils.
a CLERGYMAN IN "A certain village de-
sired the clerk To give notice that there
would be no service in the afternoon, as
he was going To oIticiate for a clerical
brother in the vicinity. Immediately after
service, the clerk, rising up, called out :
:" l am desired 10 give notice that there
will be no scrctce this afternoon, as Dr.
B is going a.fAing with another cler-
gyman." Mr. 3 of Cour5e corrected
the awkward blunder.
HAuNEM,NN, the founder Of the Ho-
mGopathic school, was one day consulted
by wealthy English lold The doctor
listened patiently to the statement which
the patient made to him. lie then took a
small vial, opened it, and held it under
the lords nose. "Smclll Well, you arc
cured" The lord asked, in surprise,
How much do owe your GA thou
sand francs" Was the reply The lord i'm
mediately pulled out bank note and held
it under the doctors nose "Snell !
Well, you arc paid!
AN eccentric American was lately visit
ing an English nOblcman, at his seat in
tie south of England. Our fellow coun-
tryman was in the habit of saying, allow
very appropriate! ~ by way of commcnda-
ton, whether dprOp0s or not. The statu
AIRY in the grounds received this comment
80 often as To nettle the host, who deter
mined to nonplus his guest. SO, stopping
before the family vault, and pointing to a
figure near of General Jackson on horse
back, he said: "lIow do you like that
statue of General Jackson?" How very
APPROPRIATED was the ready reply. How
do you make that Outg ?" ooh, General
Jackson was always at home among dead
Englishmen," was the answer. The host
subsidized.
GENERAL PLEAsANTON used to tell an
amusing Indian story. He was once, while
| stationed at a frontier post surrounded by
threatening bands OF Cheyennes He
wished very much to negotiate a treaty
with the Chiefs, but they were too sus-
picious or hostile to place themselves in
his power At last he succeeded in cap
turing young Indian of rank, whom he
held as hostage. One day this captive,
sullcnly stalking about the fort, came upon
a soldier who, for want of better amuse-
ment, was playing with child's jumping
jack. The savage was transfixcd with
wonder and admiration. He watched the
antics of the little figure in brcathlcss
silence for some minutes, then turned and
ran past the sentinels, leaped all obstruc-
tons, and escaped from the fort. In a
short time, however, he returned, heading
a deputation OF chiefs, who, after spending
an hour or SO in wrapt contemplation of