The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1870-04-22
rHE. JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS.


| T1GlIT BOOTS.
Iwould list like few kno who tue man
waz who ftist invented tito GOOts.
He must hAv bin narrow and kon'
tracktcd lnss.
II he still lives, hope he haz rcpcntcd
ov hiz sin, or IL enjoying CRATE agony ov
sum kind.
Ihav bin in Il gratc mcnny tight spots
In mi life, but generally could manage 70
make them average; but there IL no SIGH
thing M making II pair Of tito boots ave-
rugc.
Yukan't git an average on the pinch ov
a ute boot, emmy more than yu kan on the
bite, Of u lobster. ...
Emmy man who kan wear q pair oV Ute
boots, and be humble, and pcnitcnt, and
not indulge in proliInc lltcraturc,will make
Il good husband. ..
lilo will do moro than that, he will do TO
divide up into several iust kl0ss husbands
and be made TO answer for whole M
berhood. ~.
OH for the pen Ov departed VIM. shak'
spear, to write an anAthema aginst ute
boots, TINT would make anshunt Rome
wake up, and howl agin az she did once
before on u previous oCkaslIun.
Oh! for the strengthen ucrkulUs, TO Arc
into shu strings ill the tito boots Ov crea.
sllun, and skater them 10 the 8 winds ov
heaven.
Oh! for tho buty ov Venus, tew make Il
bigg foot look hansum without tito boot
on 1t. ili. a.
Oh! for tho paysIuncC ov Job, tho Apps.
tic, to nuss II. lite boot and bless II, and
even pra for one size smaller and more
pinChiCll.
Oh! for pair ov boots bigg enough for
the foot Ov mountain.
hay bin led into the above assortment
oY Oh'S! from having In my posscsshun,
at this moment, pair Ov number nine
boots, with pair Ov number eleven feet
in them.
Mi iOet arc NJ unCa2y ~ Il dogs nOZe
tho Iust time he wears mu22lC.
think infect will eventually choke the
boots TO deth.
liv In hopes they will.
suppozed Ind lived long cnuti not u
be pho0led agin in this way, butt hav
found out thnt m ounce Ov vanity weighs
more than n pound Nv rcazon, espeshtly
when man mistakes u bigg foot for II
small one. :,
Avoid tito boots, mi friend, M you would
tho grip Ov the devil; for many q man haz
caught for life a rust rite habit Of sware'
ing hi encouraging hlz feet to hurt hiz
b0OtS. I'd
hay promised mi two feet, at least u
dozen Ov times during mi checRurcd life,
tIat they never should be stranglGd agin,
but find them to-day ~ full Ov pain as
the stummuk axe from II sudden attack ov
tito boots.
% But this IL sOlUmnly the last pair ov lite
boots will ever wear; twill hereafter
wear boots M Big az mi feet, IT have to
20 barefoot to do 1t.
Fam TOO old and too respectable 10 be Il
phnol cnuy more.
Eazy boots IL one OF the iuXCrys ov life,
but tOrgit what the other luxury IL, but !
don't kno w care, provided / kan git rid
Ov this pair ov lite bOots
Emmy man ken hay them for seven dol
lars, Just half what they cost, and it they
don't make his feet IKE wus than an angle
worm In hot ashes, hn needn't pay tor
them.
Mcthuscles IL the only man, that | kan
kali To mind now who could hav afforded
to wore tito boots, and enjoyed them; he
had great deal Of waste time tew be mis-
cradle in, hut life now tlays, is too short,
uul too full Nv aktual biZzness TO phOOl
away emmy Of it0n tile hOOts.
-a'TfIe boot 81 ~ lSS,lt e. CIlnv pllL 2
Understandings. ''RE ~
lie who wears tito boots will have TO
acknowledge the corn.
Tite bOOls IIav no bowels or merscy,
their insi,lrs are wrath, AMI prolnisktous
CllsSing. ua. l.f ..,
BDWArO nV lite bNOtN.