Weekly Trinity journal., 1870-02-05
The Distrikt skoOImaster.
BI JOSH BILLINGS.

lueFe IL one man III TINS basement NOGIQ tuat
alwus look upon with MKT pheelings ov pity
and respect. Pity and respect, general
mixture don t mix well.
You will find them both trayelin around
amung folks, but not often growing on the same
bush.
When they du hug each other they mean sum
thing.
Putty, without respeckt, hain't got much more
oats in it than digust has.
had rather man would hit me on the side
of the he'd than tew pity me.
But there IL one man in this world to whom |
awus tax oph mi hat, and remain uncovered
until he gets bi and that IL the dstrikt skool-
master.
When meet him, look upon him az a mar
tyr just returned from the stake, or on hiz way
there tew be cooked
He leads a more onesum and single life than
old bachelor, and more anxious one than an
old maid.
He IL remembered just about az long and af-
tectonately az glide bord IL by trayeln pack
peddler
If he undertakes to make his skoars luv him,
the chances are he Will neglekt their larning
and ef he dOu't lick them now and theu pretty
often, they will soon lick him.
The distrikt skoOlfnaster haint got friend on
the fiat side Oy earth. The boys SNOWFALL him
during recess the girls pat water in hiz hair
dle and the skool commute make him work for
hail the money bartender gits, and bord him
around the naDorhoOd, where they give him rhy
coffee sweetened with molassess, tew drink, and
kodhsh bawls tunes IA day for yittles
And with all this abuse, | never heard dis
trlkt skoOmaster swearing ennythlng louder
than. -COHdeHtH it,
Don't talk tew me about the pashunce ov an
sunt job. Job had pretty plenty NV biles all
over him, no doubt, Dut tney were all one
breed.
Every yung one in dstrikt skool il a bile ov
a different breed, and each one needs a different
kind ov poultss TO git good he'd on them.
distrlkt skoomaster, who duz square Job
and takes his Goldfish bawls revereutIy, IL a bet
ter man to-day tew hey lieing around loose than
Solomon would be arrayed in all ov hiz glory.
Solomon was better at writing proverbs and
managing large family, than lie would be to
navigate dstrlkt Skoo house.
Emmy man who hez kept distrkt skool for
ten years, and borded around the naberhood,
ought tew be made ma general and have II |
penshun for the rest ov niz natral days, and a
horse and wagon tew do hiz going around in.
But, AS general consequence, dislrikt |
skoolmaster hahn got any more warm friends
than an old blind fox hound haz. -
He IL just about az wekum a tax gather H.
He is respekted good deal a IL who
we owe debt oy fifty dollars to, and don't mean
tew pay.
lie goes through life on back road, az poor
az wood sled, and finally is miSsed-but what
ever bekums ov hiz remains, kant tell
Fortunately, he IL not often sensitive man
if he waZ, be couldn't emmy more keep a distrlkt
skool than he could file kross kut saw.
Why IL it that these men and Wimmen who
pashuntly aud with crazed brain teach our re-
moreless brats the tejus meaning Of the alpha
bet, who take the lust welding heat on their des-
tlnys, who lay the sleeping stones and enkur-
rage them tew mount upwards, who have dun
more hard and mean work than emmy klass on
the tustoo, who have prayed over the rebrobate,
strengthened the timid, restrained the outrages,
and fattered the imbecile, who hay lived on kod-
fish and vile coffee, and han't been heard to
sware-why IL it that they are treated like Il va |
grant fiddler, danced to for a night, paid oph in |
the morning, and eagerly forgotten?
had rather burn coal pit, or keep the Ays
out oy butchers shop in the month ov August,
than NEEDLE with distrlkt skoo Dizziness.
THE FATE THAI AWAITS THOSE WHO EAT CHEAP
CANDY.-T adulteratiOn of candies in New
York has become Of late years alarming, and in
order to produce cheap articles manufacturers
are Adulieratjng with various extracts and sub
stances which are either injurious to consumers
or a deadly poison. Many children are doubt
less yearly sacrificed by the absorption into their
systems Of these abominations inadvertently
given by parents. Ttlra-alba, or white EARTH
costing but cents a pound is extensively us ed
instead of sugar. and ozenges are produced bv
cheap dealers at from to cents pound less
than the cost of sugar at wholesale. In the man
ufacture of gum drops, glue is used in lieu of
gum arabic, the former costing but few cents
per pound and the latter about 40 cents Yer
dlgrls, Tonka beans, Paris green, chrome yellow,
Berlin blue, auiline, and sublimate of mercury |
are all used, each of which is either a deadly |
poison or very injurious to the system. The
common method of havorng candies in order to
produce them economically, can readily be ac-
counted for. POlSQus mucH rlpaupr than
genuine extracts Peach havors in canded al
monds and sugar plums are obtained from fusil
oil, which is very poisonous. The bitter almond
favor is created from unadutered prussic acid.
pineapple is procured from very rotten cheese
and nitric acid. Candies are made. purporting
to he favored with fruits from which no extract
can be obtained . The limitations all poison
Gus. Cheap candies IL means of desolaton
in num5erless households. s.--Neg York Sun.
STAND BY THE Local PApER-The Chicago
Rfpu6iiean discourses on the subject of the
country press, as follows
What tells us so nearly the standard of town
or city at the appearance of its paper? And its
youth or age can be as well defined by the OBJ
serving as personal notice. The enterprise of
citizens is depicted by lis advertisements, their
liberaity by the looks OF the paper. Take your
home paper /; it stands up for your rights YOU |
always have a champion in your home paper
and those who stand up for you should certainly
be well sustained. Your interests are kindred
aud equal, and you must rise and fall together.
Therefore it is your interest to support your
home paper, not grudgingly, put in liberal
spirit not as dsagreeabe duty but an in
Vestment that amply repays the expenditure.
The sautaion, How do you do2" really
means, " How do you thriye?' the second "do"
being really the obsolete Saxon word "dow,'