Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1870-01-13
'r -. -. Esons..mas.


TFumsrous Esoaasngs- ~
Mr. who dot i's-.-puSiilsF9,
kPsst Of the ocenn--tern-post'
- IA ssu,vass.knot Il tie in thc election
arms. %
-Afet-oourtship.is bliss, but mat
,dnyb blister.
"A dad reckoning --aaie ui"''"s 'i's ; 4
lersl expenses. %
Wbol lie sopsd people-~taose who
" - new boots. o
-pomestic msgazinas-wiTes who
w up thsir hlpOands. ... ...
-aPsr said little boy the other day.
ow can the sea run when it is all tide"
Q The most suitable window fer q sim
Ge ladv when on the lookout-a bow.
-Anvthing to please the child, as the
ire aid wien she let the baby crawl
IL Of the third-story window.
WHY was Jonah the strongest man
ecanse the whale could not hold lin al
be had got him down.
An old Arizona trePper who has Just
alped his fifteenth Indian, says ITS
,od slsying out here, this season"
A cute writer thinks that there has
cen great improvements in ghosts during
he past ave hundred years.
Some LAWYERS resemble&olks who can
leep in any position. 1t is immaterial
N which side they lie.
Mrs. Darlington has got off maxim
hat il both sensidble and grammatical :
Sweet are the uses of advertisements"
That's a witty fellow who gave the
toast "Here's health TO poverty, it sticks
to us when all friends forsake u.s."
Mr.. Billings ia of the opinion that
there IL lots ov people in this world who
covet misfortune, just for theoluxury of
gruntingy =
"A pious old lady of the last century
Ia speaking of the Universalists, said,
s'Poor creatrHes, all ethey have to rely on
Is the mercy OF God"
--"Who took carpof the babies ?" art
lessly inquired little girl on hearing
her mother say that all people We're once
children.
A poor man who had been siok, on
being asked whether he had taken any
remedy, replied, "no, but I've taken lots
of physic.'
A Quaker, once hearing person tell
how much he felt for another who was in
distreas and needed assistance, dryly
asked him, Friend, hast thou felt in thy
pocket for him ~
A sailor looking serioussin chapel,
vas asked by the clergyman if he felt
any change The old tar put his hand
into his pocket and replied that he hadn't
got cent
"A fellow SAso has some Emusic in his
SOUL" says that the most cheerful and
soothing, of all Preside melodies are the
blended tones OF cricket, q tea.lEettle, a
loving wife and p growing baby.
"A Chicago physician, much devoted
to real eetate speculations and rather alb
sent mipded, replied to the question of a
lady how his prescription was to be taken,
"One quarter down, balance in one, two
and three years"
The wife of New York @oddyite
has gone b. Eugpefp get the portraits of
her three homoly daughters painted by
the seld maaters," Il whom she has heard
so much.
"A deyotee OF BacaIS5hus addressed
his hat, which had fallen from his head ::
"If pick you up l fall if fall, you will
not pick me up-theu | gave you"--and
no ssnss.rva proudly away.
"a traveier in Penney 1vania aslsed his
landlord il they had any cases & sun-stroke
tn thattoYs No, sir" sally the land
lord. "Ii man gets drunk here, we say
he's dram, and never 4Gll it by any other
name"
A notion seller WAS Offering a Yankee
olos!k, finely vaEuished and colored, and
with y booking @ass in fElnt, to certain
lady moi renSEkableofor her personal
beauty. "Why, it il beautiful" said the
yender, ''beautiful, indeed, a look at it al
most frightens me" said the lady. "Then
marm," replied Jonathan, 81 guess you'd
better take one that amt got no looking
glass;
"A Connecticut traveller recently took
tea will Mormohklder, at whose table
1wives presided, ana tweuty-seven chill
fren clamored for more molasses on their
bread. o
"A lecturer at Patterson, N. j., asked
his audience, in stentorian tone, what
did Moses say ?" "Shoo fyp was TIE
answer from dozen boys in the gallery.
"A gentleman OF Rochester, n. H.,
saw an advertisement that recipe for
the cure OF dyspepsia might he had by
sending a postage stamp to the advertiser.
II -
answer was, Dig in your garden and let
whiskey alone !" O.
\ Reuben Field 20 mathematical
pr, ,digy who lives N Missouri. He is a
nerve boy, has never been to school, and is
poss IessedGof no capacity for education.
Hosyever, he gets drunk, young as he is
Bat be can givefRe square of twelve fig
ures, mentally, IN three minutes time
GE NERoUs.--Hon. d. d. T. Moore, edit
OF and proprietor of the Rural New
Yorker, published in New York city, pre-
sentedA Now Years eve, twenty of his en-
ployes with paid-up life insurance poll
oies, ia amounts vi $500, $1,000 and
$1,000 espectively, aggregating $4,000,
at cost to the employer of nearly $500.
This generosity was supplemented with
liberal cash compliments TO al others in
his amployn
- Mr.. Alfred speer of New Jersey, produces
a supe.vor Sambuci wine, designed for sacra-
mental nd family use. Mr.. Speer has been
many years experimenting ON the improvement
Of the Niue BY peculiar method of fermenta-
tion. The layer has now become scientific
process, requiring four years for its completion,
and tue experiment. is deemed an entire success
by physieians, counties of Agricultural So
&C., who have investigated the m alter
Newark Daily Advertiser.
The sambuci wine is extensively used among
families and invaida, aud sold only by drst class
dealers.
Also Spee%s Port Grape Wine.
THE WORST PILES CURED.
uish to spread abroad the great benefit have
derived from the use OF DE-. HARRISON'S PER-
ISTALTIC LOZENGES. 1 have suffered years
fpon, fha worst Piles 1 used everything 10 no