The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-05-07
6uoget of Jun.


TIGHT BOOTS.
would list like tew kno Who the man wuz
who fast invented dte Laots
kuss ~
=. Al ne still lives, hope he haz repented ov
n1 sn' or IL enjoying crate agony ov some
hav bin in CRATE menny tite spots in NV
iie' out generally could manage t. make them
average; but there il no such thing as making
PAIR OF title boots average.
1u KANT GIT an average on the pinch ov q tite
BOOT emmy more than yu kan on the bite ov a
lobster.
Enny man who kan wear pair ov tite boots.
ana be humble and penitent, and not indulge in
proiane literature. will make good husband.
lie will DO more than that, he will do to divide
up into several fust klsss husbands, and be made
TO answer for whole naberhood.
Oh for the pen Ov departed VIM. Shakespeare,
70 write an anathena agsins. tite boots, that
would make anshunt Rome wake up and howl
agin, az she did once before, on . previous oc-
ksshun. ' ..
Oh! for tho strength ov Herkues. too tare
into shu strings all the tite boots of creashun,
and skater them to the winds ov heavin.
Oh! for the bsty ov Venus tew make big
foot look hansum without a tite boot on it.
Oh for the payshunce ov Job, the Apostle, to
nuss title butte and bless it, and even prs for
one siLe smaller and more pinchful.
Oh for pair ov boots bigg enutf for the foot
ov q mountain. L
have been led into the above assortment ov
"Ohs' from having in mi posseshun, at this mo.
msnt, pair ov number boots, with pair ov
number / feet in them
Mi feet are az dogs noze the fust time he
wears a muzzle.
l think mi feet will eventually choke the boots
TO deth. ........
liv in hopes they will.
suppozed had lived long enuff not to be
phooed agin in this way, but hav found that
an ounce ov vanity weighs more than pound
ov reazon, espeshily when man mistakes bigg
foot for all one.
Avoid tite boots, mi friend, as you would the
grip of the devil, for many man haz caught for
lie fust rate habit Of swearing by encouraging
his feet TO hurt hiz boots.'
/ hav promised mi two feet, at least dozen ov
times during mi checkurd life, that they never
should be strangled agin, but Gnc them to-day
az full ov pain az the stummuk axe from sud-
den attack ov tite boots.
But this il solemnly the last pair ov tite boots
will ever wear; will hereafter wear boots az
big az my feet IL have to go barefoot to do it.
am too old aud too respectable TO be a phool
emmy more.
Easy boots il one ov the Injuries ov life, but
forgit what the other luxury il. but don't kno
AZ care provided i can get rid ov this pair ov
tite boots
Emmy kan have them for seven dollars,
just hall what they kost, aud if they don't make
his feet axe wuss than angle worm in no.
ashes, he needn't pay for them.
Methuseles IL the only man that kan kali to
mind now who could have afforded to wore tite
boots, and enjoyed them; he had gate deal ov
waste time TO be miserable in, but life now days
i. short and ton full nv affual h;y1;,ass 20
phool away any OF it on tite boots.
lite boots Is an insult to emmy mans under
standing.
He who wears tite boots will have 70 ackuowl-
edge the corn.
Ti,e boots have no bowls Of mercy, their in.
sides are wrath and promskious cussing
Beware of tite bootA--Nn York Weekly