The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-01-06
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.


GIRLS say that men are covet-us set.
WHAT word contains all the letters p
The alphabet.
THE policies of the Washington are
libeual as TO occupation.
WHAT tent would it be well if we could
ali dwell in?-COn-tent.
WHEN draft passes through bank
does it give the clerks a cold?
"IF you beat me, I'll call out the
soldiers" as the drum said.
THE evils from which a morbid man
suffers most are those that don't happen.
THE premium lazy man does all his
reading in autumn, because the season
turns the leaves.
WHY is a lawyer like sawyer? Be-
cause, whichever way he moves, down
must come the dust.
SPEAKING OF the recent holidays, a
Nevada paper says: Pinfeathcrs with a
little meat attached, cost a dollar" 1t al
luded 70 chickens
A SOUTHERN paper suggests clean nap
kins to saloon keepers in this way NAP
kins can't be made to run week without
getting wea'ied."
SOME of the BOstonians say they are
usually gratified at receiving specimens of
New Hampshire granite, but they would
prefer not to have them come packed IN
butter.
A PITTSBURGH thief who had been
shOp-lifting, when asked whether he had
anything to say, replied that he had taken
the goods, but had intended to return them
after few days, and "astonish the pro
prietor"
SAID an astronomer to a bright eyed girl
when talking of rainbOws: did you cvel
see lunar bow, MISS have seen
beaux by moonlight, sir, if that's what
YOU mean" was the shy reiOinder.
AN old lady bought a shroud for hcl
husband in Norwich, Conn, the Other
day, remarking that he was not dead yet
or particularly ailing, but she "didn't
tn nix she should ever be able to buy it sc
cheap again"
SILENCE in the court roOm there,
Numbered police magistrate, the Other
morning; "the court has already com
mitted four prisoners without being able
to hear word of the testimony"
A LITTLE Sabbath school scholar said
she couldn't help laughing to think how
astOnished GOliah must have been wher
the stone from David's sling hit him, as
she didn't believe that such thing ever
entered his head before.
\ WRITER on pauperism spoke of the
great number of persons reduced to pow
erty by the mysterious DEGREES of Provi
dence,' and had the pleasure of reading
In print about the mysterious decrease
of provisions"
\ FRENCH chemist has invented a fluiG
which will be found extremely yaluabl,
by swindling debtors. \ man who give:
his creditor prOmissory note mOisten:
the paper with the tl1id, and a montl
afterward nothing remains of it but a lit
tie dust.
LIFE INSURANCE, known to be a Judi
cious and profitable investment of funds
has also come TO be regarded in the light
OF moral obligation, by such persons a.
ave gwen the subject investigation anC
reflection; and many of these men ar,
about to take policy in the Washington
Lie insurance Company of New York.
MISUNDERSTANDING an appointment t.
lady and disappointment to tailor
and cross directing them. Paying YOU
rent punctually on quarter day To YOU
landlord, and being dis.rained on The
next day by his landlord. Abusing a per
son whom you have never seen. to
stranger, Who quietly observes that he il
the man.
An incorporated society hired man tC
blast rock, says Mark Twain, and he wa,
punching powder into hole with a crow
bar, when premature explosion followed
sending the man and crown bar out Of sight
Both came down again all right; and th,
man went to work again directly. But
though he was gone only fifteen minutes
they locked him for lost time.
a PORTLAND shoemaker, who had lon:
been In love with pretty widow, Int hae
never dared To mention it, met her on thu
street, and blurtcd out, a beg pardon
Mrs. -, but | want to marry you hav,
loved you long time. am there he CAV,
his name, &C., and you can take week
To inquire about me, and you can see m,
whenever you wish" With this he lef
her to consider; and a speedy marriag,
was the result
n RICHMOND girl limited to a gentleman
that her thimble was nearly worn out, an,
asked what reward she would receive 70
her industry. He made answer next da
by sending her new one, with the fo
lowing lines:
L send a thimble for fingers nimbIc
Which hope VIII tit when You try It,.
III Will last You long if it's half az strong
As the hnt when yOu gave me to buy it.