The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-07-21

Abbeville, and Wilson Cook of Greenvllle,
through whose efforts the change was made
A6beuiNe Press and Banner.
Why is a man who has no children invls-
ible? Because he's not parent.
- The way to treat man OF doubtful credit
is to take no note Of him.
Advice is the only sort of vice that some
people don't follow.
- Kerosene lamps are styled "parlor maga-
zines' from their explosive tendencies.
= Though men boast of holding the relns,
the women generally tell them which way they
must drive.
"A man may properly be said to have been
drinking like fish when he finds that he has
taken enough to make his head swim.
- Why is beautiful and fascinating girl
like butcher? Because she is "killing crea-
ture"
A young man in Chicago recently opened
a clothing-store, and was sent to Jail for it.
Reason-the clothing-store belonged to another
man.
= witty Frenchman said there were al
wavs two parties in love affair-the party
who loves and the one who consents to be so
treated.
"A Georgia editor has had his pistols sto-
len. He advertises to give the thief the con-
tents, and no questions asked if he will return
| it.
- There are two reasons why some people
don't mind their own business. One is that
they haven't any business, and the second that
hey have no mind.
-"Aunt Jane," said an exasperated wife,
"I wish it was custom for women to trade
husbands as it is for men to trade horses !'-
"Whv, my dear? ?" Because, if it was, I'd
/ loco
-"Bachelors," says Josh Billings, "are al
ways braggin ov their freedom!' Freedom to
darn their own stockings and poultiss their own
shins. had rather be widdower once in two
years, rcglar, than tew be a gruntiDg, old hair
dyed bachelor only ninety days"
"A lady of the shoddyocracy at Des Moines
found, on returning from walk, some call
cards on her table. She called a servant in
great haste, saying: "John, John, take these
and run, quick; them ladies is forgot their
tickets"
"A young gentleman in Chicago recently
found himself in company with three young
ladies, and generously divided an orange be-
tween them. "You will rob yourself" ex-
claimed one of the damsels. "Not at all, !"
replied the innocent, 81 have three or four
more in my pocket!'
= When a girl out West is kissed she looks
surprised, and says, GLOW could you?" To
which the swain replies, "It will give me pleas
ure to show you, - and proceeds to give dupil-
| cate.
A Pennsylvania editor having stated in q
paragraph that there was man in the place who
had been drunk thirty-fve years, was called
upon by twenty different persons, who demand
ed a retraction, each visitor insisting that the
item was personal attack.
At q recent decoration of graves youth
in kid gloves, speaking for gentecl party, adj
dressed some ex-solders in front: "Ny dear
fellows, you prevent our seeing; you arc
standing up there right in front of us." A
high private retortcd, eyes, sir; and we stood
in front and covered you all over through the
war;"
- The fourteenth wonder of the world has
been found 1t is man residing in Bullock
county, Alabama, who has bought neither corr
nor bacon in thirty-seven years, and who does
not owe dollar!
An intellectual young lady-"Oh, mann
ma, asked Miss Brown what is dew. She says
it is the moisture imbibcd by plants during tho
nights of the summer months. Now, mamma
dear, dew is the condensation of aquous vapol
by body which has radiated its atomic por
tion of caloric below the atmospheric tempera
ture"
= The editor of an Augusta ARK. paper
saw Jeff. Davis the other day at hotel in
Memphis. He says: "The last time we saw
him was down in Georgia, riding thinly by oul
thin lines, reviewing. And there he sits eating
"a grey-headed confederate postage-stamp
He wasn't insuring lives when We belonged tt
him."
= Boston is credited with the possession of q
young lady whose ears were too large to suit
her aristocratic notions, and who, to remedy
the over-bountiful provision of nature, went to
physician and had delicate crescent OF pink
gristle about an inch and half long removed
from each protuberant. 1t is generally con-
ceded that an aurist in this peculiar line would
find ample employment in Boston, If the men
were possessed of the same delicate notions as
this sensitive young lady.
- The Texas State Press Association, anx-
ious to disabuse the public mind of erroneous
impressions regarding that State and its people,
have issued an invitation to the press of the
| United States to meet them at Houston on the
18th of November next, to travel with them
over the public thoroughfares, visit the towns
and cities, view the beautiful country, become
acquainted with the people and partake OF their
hospitalities Certainly if Texas has been
misrepresented, there could be no more effect
ual way devised for setting her right before the
world
= The London Globe is responsible for the
item, in which q German gentleman. finding:
that his wife had eloped with fast friend OF
his, pens the following note to the destroyer. of
his domestic peace "Sir I have for some time
wished to get rid of my wife. Eight; days since
she was bitten by mad dog, and have been
waiting with resi- ignation for the usual results;
You will stand by her and help her in her sad
plight Farewell |" Half an hour after re-
cciving the communication the ardent lover
cloped again, but quite alone. Persons similar
ly afflicted please copy.
THEcHRoN1c1E & SENTINEL,