The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1870-08-06
MARK TWAIN.
How He Edited an Agricultural Paper.

out misgivings. But | was in circumstances tina
8 made the salary an object. The regular editor o
the paper was going off for a holiday, and l ae
: cepted the terms he offered, and took his place.
The sensation of being at work again was luxu
rious, ana | wrought all the week with unhaggne
pleasure. We went to press, and | waited a day
with some solicitude to see whether my effort wa:
going to attract any notice. As L left the othce,
toward shutdown, a group Of men and boys at the
foot of the stairs dispersed with one impulse, and
gave me passage-way, and | heard one or two Of
them say THAT s him =" | was naturally
pleased by this incident. The next morning |
found a similar group at the foot of the stairs.
and scattering couples and individuals standing
here and there in the street, and over the way,
watching me with interest. The group separated
and fell back as | approached, and [ heard a man
say Look at his eye =" I pretended not to OBJ
serve the notice | was attracting, but secretly, |
was pleased with it, and was purposing to write
an account of it to my aunt. L went up the
short flight Of stairs, and heard CHEEKY voices and
a ringing laugh as | drew near the door, which |
opened, and caught a glimpse of two young.
rural-loOking men, whose faces blanched and
heightened when they saw me, and then they both
plunged through the window, with a great crash.
l was surprised.
In about half an hour an old gentleman, with a
flowing beard and a fine but rather austere face,
entered and sat down at my invitation. He
seemed to have something on his mind. He took
off bis hat and set it on the floor, and got out of it
a red silk handkerchief and a copy of our paper.
lie put the paper on his lap, and while he polished
his spectacles with his handkerchief, he said
"Are you the editor?
/ said | was.
"Have you ever edited an agricultural paper
before p"
No 1 said this is my first attempt.
Every likely. Have you had any experience
in agriculture, practically"
No, L believe | have not.
Some instinct told me so,'' said the old gen.
tleman, putting on his spectacles and looking
over them at me with asperity, while he folded
his paper into a convenient shape. " wish to
read you what must have made my instinct. 1t
was this editorial. Listen, and see If it was you
that wrote it :"
"Turnips should never be pulled-it Injuries
them. 1t is much better to send a boy up and let
him shake the tree"
"NOw, what do you think of that ?-for |
really suppose you wrote it."
Think OF it? Why, | think it is good. think
it is sense. | have no doubt, that every year,
millions and millions of bushels of turnips are
spoiled in this township alone by being pulled in
a ~half-ripe condition, when, if they had sent a
boy up To shake the tree
"Shake your grandmother. Turnips don't
grow ON trees
"Oh, they don't, don't they? Well, who
said they did? The language was intended to be
fguratiye, wholly fgurative. Any body that
knows anything, will know that | meant that the
DOl suOulu5 Udk IL WIG.
Then this old person got up and tore his paper
all into small shreds, and stamped on them, and
broke several things with his cane, and said L did
not know as much as a cow and then went out and
banged the door after hIm, and in short, acted in
such a ' y that [ fancied he was displeased about
something. But, not knowing what the trouble
was, / could not be any help to him.
Pretty soon after this a long, cadaver0us crea-
ture, with lanky locks hanging down to his
shoulders and a weeks stubble bristling from the
hills and valleys of his face, darted within the
door, and halted, motionless, with finger on lip,
and head and body bent in a listening attitude.
No sound was heard. Still he listened. No
sound. Then he turned the key in the door, and
came deliberately tip-toeing toward me, till he
was within long reaching distance of me, when
he stopped, and, after scanning my face with
interest for a while, drew a folded copy of our
paper from his bosom, and said:
"There-you wrote that. Read it to me, quick
Relieve me- suffer.
] read as follows-and as the sentences fell
from my lips | could see the relief come-I could
see the drawn muscles relax, and the anxiety go
out OF the face, and the rest and peace stole over
the features like the merciful moonlight over n
desolate landscape:
The guano is a fine bird, but great care is ne
cessary in rearing it. 1t should not be imported
earlier than June nor later than September. In
the Winter it should be kept in a warm place,
where it can hatch out its young.
1t is evident that we are to have a backward
season for grain. Therefore, it will be well for
the farmer to begin setting out his corn-stalks
and planting his buckwheat cakes.in July instead
Of August.
with the natives of the interior of New
who prefer it to the goOseberry for the
making of fruit cake, and who likewise give it
the preference over the raspberry for feeding COWS,
rs being more filling and fully as satisfying. The
is the only esculent of the orange family
that will thrive I'm fhe North axcapf fha po,rd
ind one or two varieties of the squash. But the
custom of planting it in the front yard with the
is fast going out of vogue, for il IS now
conceded that the punkin, as a shade
rec, is a failure.
Now, as the warm weather approaches, and
he garden begins to spawn
The excited listener sIrang toward me to shake
lands, and said:
There, there-that will do! l know / am all
light now, because you have read it Just as | did,
word for word. But, stranger, when 1 read it
his morning L said to myself, never, never be-
ieyed it before, Notwithstanding my friends kept
ne under watch so strict, but now I believe | am
razy and with that | fetched n howl that YOU
night have heard two miles, and started out to
I'LL somebody-because, you know, | knew it
would come to that sooner or later, and SO /
night as well begin. | read one of them para
over again, so as to be certain, and then
burned my house down and started. l have
rippled several people and have got one fellow
p a tree where L can get him if | want him.
But thought l would call in here as 1 passed
long and make the thing perfectly certain and
Ow it is certain, and | tell you it is lucky for the
hap that is in the tree. 1 should have killed
i'm, sure, as 1 went back. Good-by, sir, good by
on have taken a great load of my mind. My
eason has stood the strain of one Of your agrf-
ultural articles, and | know that nothing can
yer unseat it now. Good-by SIR"
I felt a little uncomfortable about the c~rippings
I'd arsons this person had been entertaining
imself with, for [ could not help feeling re-
lotely accessory to them, but these thoughts
quickly banished, for the regular editor
talked in. tho't to myself. now if you had
one to Egypt, as | recommended you to, l might
ave had a chance to get my hand in; but you
do it, and here you are. l sort of ex-
ected you.
The editor was looking sad, and perplexed, and
elected. He surveyed the wreck that old rioter
nd these two young farmers had made, and then .