The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-09-17
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

puDttcdf, these are the oldest geese ia Tue cum
try: .-..
julius Riley, OF Aurora, Portage county, Ohio
has two geese that he has had in his possession
upward of forty years He purchased them d
bout the year 1899, and they were at that time
"middle aged geese"
A military company paraded ~ bos'oii' d lew
days ago. with twenty-five bearing ihushets an q
twenty three playing on musical Instruments
This has always been the way with Massachu-
sets We never vet had war in which she did
not do a great deal more blowing than fighting.
A little girl attending the Public Schools of
our CITY read an Essay OF Morning" in which
she states there are two kinds of morning. zone is
when YOU get up early, and the other is when
2 on dress in black ciothes"-Mtndota Bulletin
nd c g.
One of the amusements at Long Branch is to
watch the New Jersey musqultos open clans
with their bills, on the shore.
A young XVIII out in Oshkosh. drank bowl
of concentrated lye, and his gentle spirit fed.
A gay Philadelphia youth has been fined S.
for assault with intent to kiss."-Er
According to this rate We are liable to be fined
about $4,000, 100000 600, &C., because like Olive
Logan, Eve never see pretty woman without
desiring to take her in our arms and kiss her."
Here is conundrum addressed to any radi.
cal editor:
al have a conundrum for you" "Wel :"
~Would you rather be a bigger fool than you
look, or bigger fool than you are" The person
addressed thought he would rather be bigger
fool than he looked. "You cant
A widower was recently rejected by daInsel
who didn't want affection that had been "warmed
ever-Er
She don't like hash in her'n.
OF a man who recently died, it is said, " his
name will be remembered wherever his deeds and
mortgages are known"
This is..how canary birds are made:
care these pure canares ?" asked young
gentleman, who was negotiating for gift for his
fair. "Yes, SIR said the dealer confdentially,
II raised them'ere birds from canary seed"
The Republican party of Sangamon are decid.
edly wilted." They will make no fight this
fall for county officers, knowing the fate that
awaits them. BLESSED are those who expect
little, for they shall not be disappointed."-
Springfield Register.
People of Wyoming don't know whether to
call their female Judge Justices of the Peace
or Justice of the Peacess.
Hayes City, Kansas, has a female constable.
The young men arc in constant fear that she
may have IAN attachment for them.
A man in Rhode Island was sent to Jail ten
days for sleeping in church. The clergyman goes
free
Tell us not in mournful numbers life is but an
empty dream, while Mrs. Gray lives in Greenup
Co., KY, aged III years, with family of child
rem, the youngest of whom-the baby-is sixty.
five years old.
And does that infant get its regular soothing
syrup?
A Nebraska man gave his horse seven buckets
of water, and now rides afoot.-EL.
Another evidence that water is not healthy
drink. Had that horse had beer bis owner
would not have been obliged to ego it alone
on foot.
The wenona Hder spells watermelon, with
two els" 1t must have been an "L" of a
melon, you know.
The Inder recommends moving down the
weeds, SO that grass will grow in the streets
Some towns would not regard grass in the streets
as ornamental, though ever SO useful.
George Francis Train has telegraphed to the
Sacramento Record that he will stop Chinese im-
migration within thirty days after he shall have
arrived on the soil of China.
Schuyler Colfax has new name" Smiler
Colfax." He is pitted against celebrated
French Count in an international yrinning
match.
"Will any democratic newspaper be honest
enough to publish the following fact--that the
expenses of the United States Government for
the first year of Grants administration are less
than the last year of Buchanan's Grundy Hel.
UH
Yes, We are honest enough to publish what
you dishonesty allege. 1t is not fact. and if
it were true, most satisfactory and conclusive
explanation would be forthcoming
At New York, on Saturday, some thieves stole
from schooner box containg boa constructors.
One of the boas is % teet long. The idea is
perhaps to cut them up into small snakes and
''retail" them.
You can't marry miss if you marry widsw.
But you may sometimes miss il If you do
The Tonica Register says an arte,ian well il
being introduced in that village. Although ..run
into the ground il il success. The canister
gives very readable account of the different
strata of rock through which it passes. They
found LIST, common dirt then, uncommon dire
mud more mud muddy mud muddier mud
muddiest mud, mud.d-i-d. .n
The same paper asks, facetiously, "How does
the Elk a.moose'd self z" ..
The Louisville CouTer.,jouynal declares .hat !,
will never consent to the act of Congress an