Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-07-08
sEu NOR.


A mantle shelf-a lady's shoulders.
High rent--tearing a lady's dress at the
shoulder.
How to make tall man short-ask him
for a loan
The way to treat man of doubtful credit
is to take no note of HIM
Melancholy trees-the Keeping willow
and pineapple.
A hard lock to uufasten Except in Ckica-
go)-Wedlock.
A heated imagination may be defined to
be-dreaming the house is on fire.
The Boston Journal says decoration day
with the ladies lasts the year round
When large widow WEEDS little man,
should he be called the widows mite ? He
might.
Law is like seive you may see through
it, but you must be considerably reduced
before you can get through it.
To cure bachelors aches. Carry to the
patient eleven yards of silk with a lady in
Why are pin and poker like blind
man Because they have head and no
eyes,
A drunken man trying in vain to keep
on the sidewalk, was heard to excaim-
There now! 60 into the street if you want to. ,
My notion of wife at forty said Jer-
raid, is that man should be able to change
her like a bank note, for two twenties'
If young lady has thousand acres Of
valuable land. the young men are apt to
conclude that there are sufficient grounds
for attachments.
In. Utah a man is of no great account I'M
less lie can afford to support dozen wives.
In. this part Of the country one is often suf
fcient TO- ruin man.
A Southern editor having been sent
barrel of whiskey. thankfully acknowledges
it, and says he is now fortified against snake
bites.
An old lady being late at church entered
as the congregation were rising for prayer.
La said she courtseying, don't rise on
my account!
There are two rea sons why some people
don't mind their own business One is that
they haven't any business, and the second
that they have no mind.
Says Kate to her new husband, John,
What rock does true love build upon2'
Quoth John, and grinned from ear to ear,
The rock of yonder cradle, dear
The New York Evening Post wittily says
that if letter postage is reduced to one cent
there will be two sent to where there is one
sent now.
Doctor, how came you and Squire Lucas
to be such great friends9'
L don't know, unless it was because | at
attended his wife when she was attacked
with diptheria, and was unable to cure her.
'Plaze, sir, would yez be SO obliging as
TO take me great coat, here, to Boston wild
yez 2 asked Pat Of wagner.
Yes but how will you get it again ?
Och, that's mighty aisy, SO it is; for
shure I'll remain inside Nv it,
A Sunday School teacher asked a little
boy if he knew what the expression Sewing
tares' meant. 'Courth does,' said he pull
ing the seat of his little breeches around in
front, There's tear my ma sewed. tear
ed it sliding down hill
Sam, what do you suppose is the reason
that the sun goes towards the South in the
winter? We'll, I don't know massa, unless
he no stand the climate of the norf, and so
am 'bliged to 60 to the souf where he 'speri-
ences warmer longitude
Wiss Wilkins was beautiful blonde, and
she wanted to go to Brighton-so she told
her mother to look for something particu-
lar for her dear papa. And what is it,
prayT asked her mother, that you wish SO
much to find for your dear papa? "A SON.
in-law.' was the gentle reply Of the blush
ing maiden.
'Sambo. whar you get dat watch you
wore to meetin' lass Sunday?
How you know dab a watch?'
'Bekaus seed de chain hang out of de
pocket in 'front.'
go way, Niger. s'pose you see IA halter
round my neck, you think dar is horse in.
side OBJ mc?'
Il am troubled with very strange kind
OF rheumatic affection in my arm said a
well known but rather scedy wit, the other
day. to particular friend 1T allows me
to 90 some things, but it prevents me from
dong others: for instance, [ can put nv
hand in my pocket with all the ease in the
World but can never take any thing out
A saloon-keeper of questionable honesty
went to lawyer to consult him about COM
mencing an action Of defamation against
fellow townsman. The scoundFel,' said he
herceiy. has robbed me of my oharacter ?
An, has he? Are you sure Of that fact?'
replied the green satchel gentleman, quickly,
and IN sarcastic tone; if so, for Heaven
sake let him go. for it is the luckiest thing
that ever happened to you
A DUTcHMAN's ANswER-Squill, l say
follow, can you tell me where Mister Swack-
elhammer, the preacher lives
Dutchman-Yaw You Just walk the
road up to de creek. and durn de britch
over de sthream. Den you just 90 on till
you com to rote wat winds woots around
scah1oolhouse, put you don't dake dat rote.
mell' den' you 60 on till you meet big
barn. shingled NIT straw. den you durn de
rote round de field. and 60 on till you cum
to big white house all speckled over nit
white, and de garnet up stairs. Well, dat
is my broder Hans house round de barn,
and you see rote dat goes up in de voots.
Den you don't dake dat rote, too. Den you
60 right strait on, and, de first ding you
meet is hay stack, and de next is a bar
rack. Well, he don't lif dere. Den you
Gao houro ~, Ao, L., LII o,J obo,k VII