The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1870-01-14
aIrit ana Dutttur.

pS ~ WsbN 2WllIuG.
Laying down the law-fooring
ajudge.
- The best drawing lesson-draw-
ing salary.
- Money is good deal like tea
10 be best injoyed it should first urned.
- The happy plantsr-A man
buryiHg his wife.
why isa hen immortal! Be-
cause her son never sets.
- The way to get a good wife
Get good girl, and 90 to the parson.
- Beauty in awoman is like a flow
er in spring, but virtue is like the stars
of heaven.
- Why 10 pigs tail like q carving
knife? Because it is fiourished over a
ham.
- Why would spider be good
correspondent? Because lie drops a
line by every post.
III am on the trail Of dear.
said gengtleman whe he, trod on q
lady's dress.
josh Billings says: "when
Teller gifts goin' down the hill it duz
seem ez tho every thing had been
gresed for the kashun.n
- What is the difference between
an overcoat and baby? One Ia what
you wear, and the other is what you
was.
- Three things that never agree
two cats over oLe mouse, two wives in
ono house, and two lovers over one
young lady.
"u won't pay for steaks as tough
As these" said an angry boarder: sno
law can compel me; they're not legal
tender,n
A little girl attending Sunday
school for the first time, was asked who
went il the lions Gen. "Oh, know
che said, "Ean Rice.n
- 81 can't find bread for nv fami-
ly,' said lazy fellow in com oany.
IN or !" rcpliad an industrious nliiler:
I'm obliged to work fer it."
A bore meeting Douglas .Jerrold
said: swell what's going on lo-dav?,,
81 am" exclaimed JerrolI, dartin 3 by
the inquirer.
a Wisconsin editor says that he
advertised in ais paper tor boy, and
.ne next morning he found one weigh
- sS-@ pOh1tth Va QOOEet6U.
---"Off abe goes." said a lady.
speaking OF the train as 1t was starttng'
"Pou have mis.aken the gender" said
gentleman. This 10 mail train
"A white boy met n colored bow.
the other day, aad asked HIM what he
mad such q short nose for. II spec SO
it Won't POKE Itself into other peoples
business p
- sDr.--w wants to know il You'll
please pay this bill now" Old gentle
man loeks at the items and replies
"feil Or. I'm pay him tor his
medicine and return bis yisits!u
- "T1ere now" cried little girl,
wniis rummasing drawer ina bureau
-thera Gran pa has gone to heaven
without his spsctacles; what will ne
ia that marblep' said a gentle
man pointing; 20 the bust of Kentucky's
great ststeaan, recently in a New
iorA Store. NO, sir that's Clay
quietly replied the dealer.
- A man Who married particular.
i.y pump specimen OF womsnklnd, be-
nag bit OF wag told hsr one day that
sle nj ed the measure OF his matrimo-
5iai JOY full, for shs wss beautiful,
- - So "hd ssh t-i-lulls
--'.John fear you arc forgetting
me, said bright eyed girl to her
sWeetheart the other day. Ives Sue
nave been Tor getting you these two
The local editor OF Columbia
MIS-, paper having recently got mar
Iled, cotsmpeary says MAY his |
!ather die rich and enable poor 5tevens
20 ,otire nom tie printing business
nha set up CAKE shop at railway sta
- On some railroads Il is customs- |
~ to have lock on tho stove, TO pre-
vent the passengers from meddlinp
with the fire. A Conductor being ask.
cd why they ioeSsd the stove, re piled
shat it was "to prevent the ire from
going out"
An Arabian having brs,,cht
biush on maiden's cheek by the sar,,-
essness OF his gaze, said to her: "Mv
looks nave planted roses in your cheeks;
Way forbid me to gather them? The
law permits him who sows to reap the
harvest"
- Henry Ward Beecher, returning
from church one Sunday, passing a
NUN Der U: specimens OF" cung Amerl- |
ca" amusing themselves with 4 game
Of marbles, mixed with fancy swea ling.
Ny boy, said Mr.. 3. to an interesting
youth OF eight years. my boy. / am {
"Are your" answered !
buttons quite naively; "why the devil {
don't you run them2'
- Matrimony is-hot cakes. warm '
beds comfortable slippers smoking cot
oe, round, red lips kind words, Shirts l
'Iulting IN buttons, redeemed stock :
ngs, bootjacks, happiness, etc. Sin
lie blessedneas is-sheet-iron Quilts
'lue noses. frosty rooms, ice In the
'itcher, unregcnerated linen, needless
ockf; coffee swee:ened with icicles.
blscuits, rheunatisrn'
orns, coughs, cold dinners, COLES rhu-
arp, and any amount of misery.
- A Paris policeman being sum-
loned into the presence Of man who
ad just shot himself dead after severe 4
woundIng a lady, displayed his an 7
iety to arrive at the facts in the case al
excisedly demanding of the only
irviving witness of the fray, "DId this
ian kill himself before he fired at this
Idy or afterwards9" OF