The central Presbyterian. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1856-1908, 1870-03-30
For THE CENTRAL PRESBYTERIAN.
PEW MANNERS.
BY A CLERK.

To criticise a critic, we'll disposed,
Seems poor return for his we'll meant attention.
But since ga Layman'' of the town exposed
Us country parsons-whom he did not mention
Some pay in kind does seem simple duty
And here's the first instalment of the booty.
No doubt the first attention of the hearer
Is given to manner in the pulpit now
And he prays best, or breaches BEST who nearer
The LaymanS' model reaches, all will VOW.
But preach he as he may, there's some, I'm sure,
Such pulpit manner never would endure
Some sermons are too long for stupid hearers;
The tone too fippant for the godly sort:
This too artistic for the colder sneerers,
And that too prosy for the ardent sort.
Such wide diversity takes careful steering
To thread the maze and keepth all from sneerng.
Some like loud talking and gesticulation;
And some quiet manner better suits:
Some view his dress with pride or execraton,
And criticise him to his very boots.
But when you mention gowns for pulpit wearing,
The over-righteous almost look like swearing.
Some do, some do not close their eyes in prayer;
A grevous fault, our critic thinks, in preachers.
But if his own were shut do declare
l don't see how he did detect the creatures.
So while the Layman watches from the pews,
We must, in praying, mind our p's and as.
But what-we'll ask-meantime are you doing,
EnscOnced so Snugly down among the pews
What thoughts and feelings in your heart are brew
ing,
While truth is preached?-the question you'll ex'
cuse;
For since your writing long ago I've wondered,
Whether you heard, cen when the law was thun'
dered
Perhaps you were not thinking of the sermon,
But watching while the preacher prayed, OF
preached;
Or careful only, wisely to determine
Which of your neighbors by the truth was reached
Or all the while your thoughts were widely strayng
Watching the dress, the gesture and the praying.
There is vacant manner in the pews,
That to the pulpit oft is most distressing;
Where those who ought, and might be there, refuse
To come to-day, for want of some new dressing
But spend the day in lightness, OR in passion,
| Because they cannot worship in the fashion.
| Some stay away because it is so hot,
And some because its rather cold, or raining,
Some think they're sick on Sunday; or if not,
Sunday sickness they are fond of feigning;
The weather is so badly ordered, they
Excuse their conscience every Sabbath day.
But when the week of labor has begun,
And the worlds pleasures and its cares require it
They brave the storm, and wind, and rain and sun
And go to work because they do desireit
Tis only Sunday.weather that they fear,
And Sunday sickness that they cannot bear.
The pews are sometimes filed, but not with people
Filled with the spreading fashions of the day.
Wide at the base and tapering like the steepe,
And having just such clattering tongues as they,
The flowing robes of fashion and of folly
Crowd long pew with Mary Ann, and Polly.
A few come in to worship-more to look,
| To display a kirtle or bonnet:
Some gaze around, or toying with book,
Display hand with gIttering jewels on it
Many are restless-treatng truth as fiction,
| And most of all enjoy the benediction
Some pews are always destitute of money;
Upon collection-day, at least, tits so:
But stored with lcisheS, sweet as melted honey,
For those who need much helping here below,
They wish devouty free pass were given
To all the poor-to be transferred to heaven.
Sometimes the pe,cs collect about the door,
And pousy discuss the crops or weather,
Exchange the news, or else arrange, before,
Tomorrow sale, or swap of hog or leather;
And when the service has begun, come in
To re-arrange with conscience for. the SIM
Some other manners, might deserve attention,
That strike us in the pulpit as we preach
Some that might seem too personal to mention,
And of true courtesy might seem breach.
l only know, could "Layman" take our places,
Both eyes would open wide at some pew graces'