The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1870-11-10

Popular diet in Utah-Sqpare

who trusts.
Which side Of horse to take in
Monnting-The outside
An enraged man tears his hair; bat
an enraged woman tears her husbands.
Thieves don't have a very quiet life
Of it, notwithstanding they take things
so easy.
The price Of California wine has gone
up. Wine always had an elevating ten
dency.
ssWell, if a hatch hand ho, hand
har hand hess, don't spell 'orse, then
my name haint 'enry ILL.,"
Lehigh county Penn, must be a noisy
place They are afflicted with nineteen
brass bands
If postage on papers is reduced to
one cent, there will be two sent where
there is one sent now.
tits a fact that a statue diminishes in
size when exposed to a shower OF raini
it instantly becomes statue-wet.
A punster asks whether, if Titian's
wife had been named polly, that fact
would have made her politician I
Some one suggests that brieAess
barrister ought not to be blamed, be-
cause it is decidedly wrong to abuse
man without cause.
Eighty one dozen ef eggs given to a
minister in Illinois at domestic Wis.
it, is called clay activity"
A temperance barber is said to have
established himself at Meredith Village,
New Hampshire. He is called temper
ance" because he uses no bay rum.
"A Milwaukee nurse says: Giant
much trouble to take care % sick pus-
sons mos on 'em don't want anything,
and if they do they don't get it.
A young man charged with being Ia.
" was asked if he took it from his faith
er. 81 think not" was the replyi ''tath'
ers got all the laziness hs ever had"
The only liberty.cap, says clever
and witty author, is the night.cap. In
Il men visit, one third of their lives
the only land where they are free and
equal.
Patience is exemplifed in the mar
who left his wagon while his horse balk'
ed, eat on stump, and read the wal
kilograms till the animal was hungry
enough to go home.
A Western paper says: Wanted q
this Office, an editor who can please eV
ery body. Also a foreman who car
go arrange the paper as to allow ever
mans advertisement to head the col
umn.
It is rare that an open field is Strucl
by lightning yet it is no unusual thing
in harvest time, for q farmer to nm
that his entire crop Of grain or corn ma
been shocked.
An observer Of human nature report
that he has seen some people possessin
the peculiarity of three hands--a righ
hand, left hand, aud a little benin
hand.
A contemporary says that "it is pleas
ant for lovers to sit on the porch thes
evenings, and be happy in the thougl
that their blood IL conmingling IN tn
same musquito.
The "girl of the perio." in Arkansi
isdescri6od as thirteen years old, sho
less, bonnelless, stockingless, and vii
the sheriff after her for stealing
horse.
"No, my DEAR" said mother to h'
daughter, who had been taking q ma
before dressing for an evening part
"you needn't rearrange your hair. fC
couldn't make it look any rougher
you tried.
Scene in Utah: First Mormon
wonder who that blonde isi A nice Il
urel" Second Mormon-"Why, dor
you know Irs your WIFE," First Mo
mon--"So 1t is. thought had Se'
her before"
A gypsy woman promised to she
two young ladies' their husbands fac
in q pail OF water. They looked al
exclaimed, "Why, we only see our
ces!" SWELL" said the gypsy, "thOse
viii be your husbands when You
married"
9Washington" exclaimed meml
Of Nashville debating club, in stem
rian tones--'Was a great man: he
good man he was noble man
mind hada powerful grasp of the fntu
fever a man was non compos ment
Washington was that man."
A Lawyer who was lame Of one lc
pleading before late Judge who h
little or no nose, the Judge told him
was afraid he had but lame cause
it--i'Oh, your Honor" said the Ia
yer, shave but little patience, and
warrant prove everything as plain
the nose on your face"
$50 You are going to teach sChoo
said q young lady TO her maiden auT
"well, for my part, sooner than do n
would marry a widOwer with n
children" Il should prefer that
myself" was the quiet reply,i but vii
Ia the widower T.
A teacher, in trying TO explain ?
-. -. A. 4. 4 =. a.sl A. n,,a oc