The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1870-11-25
JOSH BILLINGS.
SCRAPS FROM HIS FARMERS ALLxINA

JOSH BILLINGS.
SCRAPS FROM HIS FARMERS ALLXINAx
Whenever yu see fox ov geese oil stand
in on wun leg. except the old gander and be
Chawin his kud, look out fer Q southwest
wind few .morrOw, or the next day, or the
day after, or ut some fcwter time When
ever dogs air seen travelling around with
nothing to do, and old maids refuse thar tee
and hop vines won't klimL, nor grind stuns
won't grind, then yu may expekt Z little
crop Ov oats, and beans won't pay fer har.
vcstin.
Wsntcd-Scvcral fust class young men,
with mustash, to hang around vesti6les ov
different churches in America and stare Ut
the femails as tia pass out. Young men
who understand the use 0v tobacco prefer.
rcd. No young man accepted who can't
stare the Dress buttons oph from military
cote at 20 PAGES. This q rair chance fer
young men Ov real jccnius. Salary payable
weekly. References exchanged.
The cockroach IL bug u large He il 1
Nv the luXurys Ov civilizashun. The cock
roach IL born on the first ov May, and the
rcddy fer use in Is days from date. They
AZ born from wun egg. and consequently
tina ar oil twins; thar IL no sech thing in the
annals Ov nature as . single c0ckroach
Their food seems to consist, not SO much ov
what tia cat rs what tina kan git into, and
often finding them dead in they soup at mi
bording house. have cum tew the psncful
konclushun that the cockroach kant swim,
but that he kan flote fer long time.
To make good sharp pickles, white oph
both ends ov them tcw pint ...
Blessed arc tina who hav no eye for . key
hole.
Tcw freshen salt mackcra!, tow him one
summer behind . steamboat,
It IL human to err, but dcvilish to brag
il.
A gentleman IL q gentleman the world
over; 1t IL only the l0afcr that differs.
Tew learn dog tcw follow we'll, ii him
tew the hind end ov an express train.
Tcw get rid ov cockr0sches, sell yure
house and Ut, and flee to the mountains.
A dog IL the only thing on this earth that
luvs W more than be luvs himself.
Opinyups are like turnips, worth what
they will fetch.
Courage without discreshun IL like q ram
With horns on both ends he vii! hav more
Gghls ON his hands than he kan do justiss:: to.
When you hnd a man who IL very soils.
titus about tho welfare ov everybody, W
kan safely put him down " one who IL
hunting for misfortune.
Don't undertake tew liv with yurc mother
in.law, but il wuss Gums tcw wussncss. let
yurs mother.iu law liv with W.
Lszyncss IL good deal like moncy-the
more man haz Ov it the more no seems to
want
Gravity IL no more posatiff evidence ov
wisdum, than paper collar IL ov . shirt.
Every time man laffs he takes kink
out ov the chain " life, and thus length
ems il.
noovn,t, &, ,,, :. 49, .. ,..,
ov pop that has stood sum time with the
corck pulled out.
don't kno ov anything more rcmorscless
ON the face ov the Garth, than z per cent in.
icrcst.
To make harding house hash, take a
little ov everything, good deal ov nothing,
and throw In chunk ov sumtling; jam to
. Mux, cook, over kJld fire, season with
lair pins, and serve up on the jump.
Three score years and ten IL mans furlo.
and It IL cnuff-if man kant suffer ali the
Mizcry hc wants in that time he must he
numb. --- '' III,
J What men kant do they IRE very apt.to
atm:c they dent criticize mountain be.
kaws they kant max one
Tharc IL nothing like six bed for rspcn.
tancc-a man bekums % virtu0us ise viii 4
often repent 0v sins that he haz never CON-
mittcd.
Crate tansgrcshuns seem tcw haptizc
ihemsclves-if the devil only had been
guilty ovI petit larceny, he never would hav
bin heard nv again, --..'.- --'~'
The man who wont believe cnnythipg he
cant see, amt 60 wizc AZ mule, for they
will kick at thing in the dark.
Whenever minister has preached q ser.
mon that pleazes tho whole congrcsashun,
he probably haz preached one that tho Lord
wont endorse ,..",. ..,..
One ov the hardest things for emmy man
to do IL tcw fall down on the ice when it IL
vet. and then Git UP and prnize the Lord.
Secrets are kusscd poor property emmy.
how; II you circulate them w loozc them,
and " "a keep them w ioczc the interest
on tho investment. r,,,...-