Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1870-11-02
THE CHRONICLE.

L0~AA"AaN"
marriage engagements Of the pork
nobility.
Who is the straightest man men,
toned in the Bible? Joseph, be-
cause Pharaoh made a ruler Of him.
1.-The rich, " said a Jew "eat veni-
son because it is deer. 1 eat mutton
because it is sheep"
a child wanting to describe n snake
said it was "a thing all tail clear up
to the head"
1t was a woman who first prompted
man to eat, but he tO,k to drink on
his own account afterwards.
However much a pawnbroker's
place may be crowded, il is always a
loan-sum place..
y pendant remark to a farmer, 81
can't bear a fOOl.n "Your mother
COULD" was the reply.
What is generally called fast living
Is really nothing but dying as quick as
possible.
The boy who undertook to ride a
horse radish is now practicing on a
saddle of muttOn.
The fines exacted from the liquor
dealers of Portland, Me-, for viola
tons Of law, average 500 per day.
Advertisements are read with great
avidity at this season of the year, as
novelties are offered for sale in many
departments of business.
There are now ten establishments
in Missouri engaged in making pig
iron, with a capacity of making 800
tons of iron per day.
Irritable sehOoImaster-'NOw then,
stupid, what's the next word? what
comes after cheese 9n Dull bOy-"A
mouse sir"
A young lady being asked by a
rich old bachelor, "If not yourself,
who would YOU rather be-" replied
sweetly and modestly, "YOurs Truly.
The largest bill ever drawn en- any
bank in the world was drawn on the
Bank of England during the wal Of
1872, and amounted to S5,OOO,OOO.
'Pa, are cannibals people that live
on other folks 81 "Yes, my dear" D.
Then. IA, Uncle George must be a
cannibai, form says he's always liv-
ing on somebody"
Sawdust pills, says an old physician
would efiectually cure many OF the
diseases with which mankind Is
afflicted, if every patient would make
his own sawdust.
The Marietta Iron Works are doing
business at the rate of $500, 600 annu-
ally and about $50, 900 + paid out
annually for labor, while $4,000 are
consumed in coal.
A lady dropped one of her eyebrows
in the church pew, and dreadfully
frightened a young man sitting next
to her, who thought it was his NOUS
tache.
A little girl happening to hear her
mother speak of going into half
mourning, said, "Why are you going
into half mourning, mamma, are any
of our relations half-dead ?"
A minister once prayed "Oh,
Lord! we thank Thee for the gOOdly
number here tonight, and that Thou,
art here, Notwithstanding the inclem-
ency of the weather"
Dear son, come home-a rolling
| stone gathers no moss. Your alice
| tiOnate mother" Dear mother, l
won't come hOme-a setting hen new
er gets fat. Your affectiOnate son."
1t is estimated that over one hun,
| dred young ladies are at present study
ing law in this country. Probably
/ they will become mOthers-in-laW one
of these days.
a romantic lady, one Of the shOddy
family, at Newport, thought the love
" sunsets there were about a buckle
berry ahead" of any she had eyeI
seen.
The influence of a piOus example.
descends dOwnwards from the head Of
a family, ditfuses itself over the main
body, till it reaches the very lowest OF
it.-Seed.
A lad aged seven years, son Of Col.
John e. Bunday, of st. Charles, Hi
nois, was killed on Saturday by being
struck with a base BALI in the stomach.
He lived only a few moments after
being hit.
Within q period Of three years, three
men and three horses have been killed
on the same day of the month, at
the same hour, and on the same sec
ton of the Cleveland & Pittsburgh
Railroad.
Satire is a sort of glass, wherein be-
holdersgenerally discover verybOdy's
face but their own, which is the CHIEF
reason for that kind of reception il
meets in the world, and that so very
few are offended with it.-StUJt.
Wisdom does not show itself SO
much in precept as in hfe-in a firm
ness of mind and a mastery Of appe'
tite. 1t teaches Us to do, as well as tc
talk, and to make our words anC
actions all of a cOlOr.-Senecd.
"Wife," said a man, looking for hi:
razor case, II have places where
keep my things, and you ought t
/ know it." YES" said she, II ought
to know where you keep your late
hours"
sleepy church-warden, who ofteI
played at cards, hearing the minister
use the words, ''shufle off this mortal
coil" started up, rubbing his eyes
and exclaimed "HOld On-it's my
dealt"
The ladies' Emancipation Society
has offered a prize for the solution o
the following question in a seriOu!
way: "HOw long does a widow
mourn? >" The answer clearly is
"For a second
A lady in n certain town who wa
more favored by fortune than educa
ton, at a party whichshe lately gave
desired her daughter to play 9TH,
fashionable new Hldlddy she got from
New York last week"
A precious youth in a public school
out west, who stands high in geOgra
ply, was recently asked by its teach
er where Africa was located. III
promptly answered, "All OTer tn
United States"
Said a bullying Urchin to anOthe
lad, "next time 1 catch you alone ~
fog you like anything" Well
replied Billy, 81 amt often mucl
alone. 1 commonly have my legs an
fists with me-"
A paper encourages the young b.
the example of a youth who former
= s;,-oI 4, , hnv-a1 vat with OnlI