Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-06-24
Varieties.

| A color difficult to see-Bhnd-
mans buff.
| When drunkard is liable to lose
his head, would it not be better to fix
it in gin sling?
/ The man who jumped at conclu-
i sion, caught his foot in it, sprained his
ankle, and exclaimed, "Oh, rupture p
-Spurgeon defines a gentleman as
cone who can serve God, aud at the
same time paddle his canoe"
What is the difference between
Kate Coventry and Byron's Conrad p
She was a lady who loved to course
hares /; be was a corsair who loved two
| ladies.
Say, Pomp, where did you get dat
new hat?a Why, at de shop, OBJ course
what is de price of such an article as
dat?" 81 don't know Sam, I don't
know the shopman wasn't dar."
"A poet wrote Of his departed love,
"We will hallow her grave with our
tears" but the wicked printer set it
up, I'VE will harrow her grave with
our steers.
"A veteran was relating his exploits
to crowd of boys, and mentioned
having been in five engagements.
That's nothing" broke in little fel
low, "My sister Sarah's been engaged
eleven tines
There is a kind Of grim humor in
the address of devout deacon to his
newly settled pastor as he, gave him
the usual welcome: The Lord keep
you humble and we will keep you
poor" - " =
w hateis the difference between an
accident and a misfortune? If Your
pressing tailor were to fall into the
river, it would be an accident; but, if
any one were to pull-him out, it would
be misfortune. se4 ''S
/ A preacher the other evening said
IF you should take barrel and fill
it with Holy Ghost, and another and
fiji it with whisky, and call this con L
g.egation right up and let them take
their choice, the whiskylwould be gone
| first! !" les hHn hgad os.f l58aosl .t5t,
"a a8zaFr rod erE4 la haad "a oil
"A Dutch woman kept toll gate.
One fogey day atrayeler asked
Madame. how far is it to B ?"
"Shoosta leetle ways" was the re-
ply. mn &. h.9 s'7i .
the traveller. @shoost lcetle way
more emphatically. aMadame, is it
one, taeo, three, four, or fire miles ~
The good woman ingeniously replied,
~ diuks 1t as r sIg
An excellent old deacon, who,
having won a fine turkey alta charity
rattle, didn't like to tell his severely
orthodox wife how be came by it, qui-
city remarked, as he handed her the
fowl that the Shakers" had given it
| to him. a1
The parents of youth of 20 and
damsel of Is, in New York, opposed
their r-arriage, until those of the boy
seeing him visibly pining away. gave
their consent, and obtained that of the
bride's-girls We mean. Whereupon
the young couple, greatly relieved, dis
| played to the astonished old folks a
marriage certificate several weeks old.
Jumping TO conclusions: A spor-
ting contemporary notices a novel
cricket match in which the competitors
were one legged and armed pen
sioners. 1t concludes by saying, "The
game was decided in favor of the one
legged men by twenty eight runs. -
This is of course mistake /; tie writer
must mean hops 4u
-" Mamma, 9 said ten year old who
had just come from Sabbath school,
where he had heard for the first time
Of lake of fire and birthstone, s'Mam-
ma, may | learn to swim?"
| NV hat for, my son 2
"Well, so that when / go to hell I
can swim ashore" 60.
| s'See here, mamma said another,
who was being strictly brought up,
ana who had heard that heaven was
Lone eternal Sabbath, edo you suppose
that when / die. and go to heaven,
1 God will let me, once in while, go
down to hell and play with the boys?'
Rev. DR.. Deems says; Suppose
preacher have an average of GOO
hearers twice day on Sunday, and
each hearer contributes twcnty-f five
cents at each scrvice-and what do
you think of man who wastes his
time in listening to any sermon not
worth % cents ?--then there will be
enough to pay the pastor salary of
$4,000 year, and expend 500 annu-
! ally for current expenses, and bal.
ance sufficient to pay the interest and
principal of the cost Of a $4,000
/ church in II years. and at the end Of
1 tbo {;p,o leore ba1oncfsl cf 50 400