Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1870-10-27
Mark Twain's speech sn Woman.


.oas nsa atl Allmanacter.
Mark Twain's speech sn Woman.
I'll The funny faculties of the, celebrated
,humorist. shark Twain" were called into
play at dinner once given by the Cores
pondent's Club, at Washington. Mark
was called on to respond to the usual toast
of "Woman," which he dad in the follow
ing characteristic style :ea,q-.a.
Mr. President do not know why i
should have been singled out to receive
the greatest distinction of the eyening-for
80 the Office of replying to the toast to
woman has been regarded in every age.
fApplause. + / do not know why / have
received this distinction, unless it be that
| am trihe less homely than tile other
members of the club. BE this as it may,
Mr.. President. am proud of the position,
and you could not have chosen any one
who would have accepted it moro gladly,
or labored with heartier goodwill to do
the subject justice than /. Because love
the SEX Laughter I love all the wo-
men, sir, irrespective of age or color
Laughter. -sll ta..4sg.,.
Human intelligence cannot estimate
what we owe to woman, sir. She sows on
our buttons [laughter1, she mends our
clothes laughter she ropes us in at the
church fairs. she con6des in us; she tells
us whatever she can find out about the lit
tie private affairs of the neighbors she
gives us piece of her mind sometimes-
and sometimes all of it; she soothes our
acheing brows; she bears our children
ours as general thing. In all the rela-
tions of life, sir, it is but just and grace
full tribute to woman to say of her that she
is brick Great laughter
Wheresoever you place woman, sir-in
whatever place or estate-she is an orna-
ment to that position which she occupies,
and a treasure to the world Here Mr..
Twain paused, looked inquiringly at his
hearers, and remarked that the applause
should come in at this point Tt came in.
Mr.. Twain resumed his eulogy.] Look at
the noble names of history! Look at Cleo
patra Look at Desdemonr! look at Flor
ence Nightingal look at Lucretia Bor-
gia Disapprobation expressed. Well,
said Mr.. Twain, scratching his head doubt
fully, suppose we let Lucretia slide Look
at Joyce Heth look at Mother Eve =
Cries Of Obi oh!] You need not look at
her unless you want to; but said MIR.
Twain, refectively, after a pause--Eye
was ornamental, sir; particularly before
the fashions changed l repeat, sir, look
at the illustrious ma mes of history. Look
at the widow Machree! look at Elizabeth
Cady Stanton look at George Francis
Train! Great laughter. And, sir, / say
it,with bowed head and deepest yeneration
look at the mother of Washington! she
raised boy that could not tell a lie
could not he !? GApplause. But he never
had any chance. OBJ ! oh Itmight have
been different with him if he bad belong
ed to newspaper correspondents club
Laughter and groans, Kisses, and cries of
"Put him out" Mark looked around
placidly upon his excited audience, and
resumed. s5a bar u laaog
repeat, sir, that in whatever position
you place woman, she is an ornament to
society and treasure to the world. As
a sweetheart, she has few equals and no
rsuperiors laughter /; as cousin, she is
convenient 3 as a wealthy grandmother
with an incurable distenper, she isprecipus,
as wet nurse she has no equal among men.
{ Laughter.
What, sir. would the pesple of the earth
do without woman? a
They would be scarce, sir-almighty
scarce Then let us cherish her; let us
protect her; let us give her our support,
our encouragement, our eynipathy-our-
selves, if we get chance! Laughter
40 But, jest.ng aside. Mr.. President, wo-
man is lovable. gracious, kind-harted,
beautiful worthy of all respect. of all
esteem, of all Difference. Not any here will
refuse to drink her health right cordially
in this bumper of wine. for each one of US
has personally known, and loved, and hon
ored the very best of them all-hisown
mother { Applause. ,
z Moon FaIIacy. apI