The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1870-07-20
SMILER AND SIMON.
DOnn Plat on SmiIer COIfax as PO-
gram and on Cameron as a Loyal
PIunderer.
HIS JUNIOR ExCELLENCY, coLFAx

HIS JUNIOR EXCELLENCY, COLFAx.
Smiler pertains to the National Capital.
His Grafton is republished in the Repub-
hcan, of this morning. 1t is shot at, so
to speak, this hot, broiling, dusty, God-for
saken town of Washington. 1t is spread
out and sold by malicious newsboys, who
waken you from the sleep of innocence by
announcing that their wares can be had
for three cents apiece. If l do not call
attention to or criticise our Christian
statesmen, who will? That's the question
that agitates the country.
Schuyler Colfax is a remarkable man
l may say that he is very remarkable
man. l said many years ago that he ran
more machinery with less boiler than any
man alive And here he is to this hour
putting away his little puffs of steam, and
all the machinery whirrs and rattles and
Uhumps all to no earthly purpose, but to
call attention to the fact that it does puff,
whirr, rattle and thump We are assured
by learned diVines that nothing is made
in vain, but what on earth Schuyler was
created for, set on end and endowed with
locomotion, confounds the will and both
ers the understanding Whatever the un-
known end may be, for one am very
tired of the Christian statesman. There
is too much of him One can not pick up
a journal that he is not informed that the
Hon. Schuyler Colfax has not done, or is
not going to do something that is not of
the slightest consequence to the human
family. One day we are told that 1.-THE
Hon. Schuyler Colfax is about to leave for
the Springs" The next day comes the
startling information that "the Hon.
Schuyler Colfax has left for the Springs"
and so on until one is driven mad by the
damnable reiteration, and is forced to con-
slider Schuyler not as an atom, but an
item, and be hanged to him.
RENINEscENcE OF SIMON.
This Senatorial Jack Sheppard, of pig
iron Pennsylvanion, has of late been re-
calling the country with his recollection of
events Immediately preceding the war
His memory, like that of most old gentle
men, fails him. He tells, with great en-
phasis and detail, of what never did occur
and fails to remind US of events that
really came under his OBJ ervation That
story of what he said to Jeff Davis,
touching a successor to the great Senate
rial secessionlst's seat, was unfortunate,
for 1T was not true to character. Now,
Simon Is brave enough to pull a nose or
slap a face, (he has done these things,)
but he never was brave enough to utter q
trnth, especially under trying circumstan-
ces. Old Simon was noted for being
familiar and popular with Southern Sena-
tors, and he is not the man to make him
self disagreeable with harsh speeches. A
friend, in illustration of this related an
instance to me, where he was himself a
witness.
Immediately after Lincoln's first inau-
guration, and before his Cabinet was an
nounced. my friend was walking down
Pennsylvania avenue with Senator Wig
fall, more generally known as Old Dead
fall, when they met Cameron. "Well,
cried Wigfall, "here's the man to tell all
about the Cabinet How is it, Simon2"
Il believe it is to be as announced, only
am to be Secretary of War, instead of
the Treasury"
"You Secretary of War" rcared Wig
fall my God. then we shall certainly
have war l must write and telegraph
to my friends that war is inevitable. ST.
mon Cameron Secretary of War; What
is it that Shakespeare makes Pistol say
"A sutler to the army will De, and prof
its shall accrue?' We are bound to have
war. Good morning, Mr. Secretary; the
fates are against US"
Simon laughed and passed on.