The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-03-22

AhuS ih'luuuCCu anu ClullGllSGu, Spell
Ger gazed solemnly into my face, and see
ing expectation there depicted, he uttered
the original phrase with which this sketch
begins. had been so often quizzed, as a
youth from New England, that l hardly
knew what to expect, and therefore waited
for spencer to proceed
AT this stage, Mrs f., in the kindness
finer heart, poured out bowl of milk
and offered to the new conner He took it
in silence, swallowed it at single gulp,
set down the crockery with slam, and
sinking into chair, appeared to be griped
with a terrible pain. Perhaps you
would rather have had water" said the
hostess timidly. Well marm, drinking
milk is about like taking pills to me, but
it's no consequence, now its down." re-
bled the gloomy man.
Thinking to relieve the good lady's
confusion l asked Mr.. Spencer if he had
recently been i'll. Had my query been a
patent corkscrew, and Mr.. Spencer re-
sistless bottle Of champagne, the explo-
sion could nothave been more immediate.
III, sir! i'll That little word is too
short, sir. Ill You see nothing, sir,
but my remains l have been David
Spencer. NoW, sir, | may say, without
intending disrespect to my wife, am the
relic Of the late d. S. Let me give YOU
stranger, in few words, sketch of my
| troubles
My lungs are badly cut up. One
of them is clear gone-collapsed, the
doctor says-shrivelled up like a black
smiths apron. The other one looks
better, but doesn't amount to much.
Have often bled quart at once, and
thought it not worth Mentioning I
take a long breath now and then, and
have an awful time, bloatipg up like a
toad
"But that isn't the worst. My liver
plaques me with an old trick 1t turns
inside out and wanders over my system.
l suppose stranger, that the greater part
of my liver is inside of those boots,
thrusting ont his two cowhides from under
the table.
But l have another curious disease
Some Of the doctors say it's paralysis
but one medicine man calls it intermittent
lock jaw, and l reckon he's right II
just grabs me and shuts me right up all
over. Can't stir muscle teeth al
locked together like a rat-trap; can't
talk or wink my left eye. All my con.
versation is done with my right eye, and
l tell you, stranger, it gets powerfully
tired. The fit often lasts two or three
weeks, and it takes away all my appetite,
for | have to be fed with squirt-gur
just behind my eye tooth.
You look as if you wanted to laugh
Mister, but them as takes care Of me in
those spells don't laugh much, [ tell you
They don't reckon that make it any joke
for them.
"But wouldn't mind these things i
it wasn't for the slipping Of my spina
cord. 1t gives me no warning, but the
first thing L know it gives away anc
pitches me right over, head first, int
whatever lies in front. Now, one day
last spring, just as | was getting ovel
the lock jaw, | rode out on the prairie
across by the sloo, and saw big stone
in the road, and got out to push it over
Then | went to the sloo to wash my
hands. AS l bent forward, my shak,
old spine let right go, and | dove hea(
first into the mud, and there l stuck
head under and feet thrashing on the
bank. had to stay there till one of m,
men, passing by, took me by the heel an(
pulled me out"
How long should you think you wer,
under water, Mr.. Spencer Z" asked one o
the Felderkin boys.
Really, l couldn't say exactly, as
couldn't readily get at my watch, but il
was nigh on to Il half an hour, and | vii
confess, gentlemen, that | never was 81
hard put to it for breath in m,
life"
"But, Mr.. Spencer don't you take an,
| medicine for your troubles :"
" Medicine Oh, yes Why, sir, ",
taken in one dose hunk of blue pill a
5 big as baby's fist, and I've swallowed
| whole apothecary shop except the bottle
and corks. And | tried hydropatbv