Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1870-01-25
Las7acE for HlI711O7'jSts.

A New Orleans gentleman calls the negro q
remnant of the dark ages"
An editor out West gives vent to his ndigna-
ton as follows ''He that steals my purse, steals
trash; but he that stole my umbrella-cuss
him.
An Iowa doctor used the stomach pump for
two hours on the victim of a railroad accident
and then 'reckoned that life was utterly dis
tinct.
We saw horse on New street. last Satur-
day, so poor that his owner had to tie a knot IN
his tail to keep the body from slipping through
the collar.
4 young lady examining her class at Sabbath
school asked, What is the pomp and vanity of
this world?' A little girl looking up in her
face, very iunocently said, ''The flowers in your
bonnet"
We remember having heard of man who
was too lazy to say his prayers. He wrote out
his devotions on foolscap, however, and tied
them to the foot of his couch. Before retiring
he would hold them up and exclaim, Them S
my sentiments" and then jump into bed
AS the sun in all its splendor was peeping
over the eastern hills newly married man ex-
claimed: ''The glory of the world is rising !"
His wife, who happened to be getting up at the
moment, taking the compliment to herself sim
pered, what would you think, my dear, if l
had my silk gown on 2"
TIE MUSICAL CAT.-Get black cat, pare
its claws, and then take it in the parlor where
the company is assembled. Then get cof5 &c
mill Ian ordinary one will do,) place the cats
tail in the mill, and while q young lady sings
gently grind the mill with much force. at the
same time smoothing the cats back. This
operation will produce musical duet equal tc
an Kolian harp.
THE INVISIBLE PIN.-This is a very anus
ing feat. To perform it properly, first get pin
about two inches in length, Ia new one is best, J
then cut piece of pasteboard perfectly square
about an inch each way insert the pin securely
in the pasteboard, and placing it on wood seat
chair with the point of the pin upwards, sud
denly sit upon it, and the pin will instantly dis
appear, this trick is very funny to all but the
performer
An Eastern editor says that man in New
York got himself into trouble by marrying two
wives A Western editor replies that a gooc
many men had done the same thing by marry
ing one 4 Northern editor says that quite
number of lis acquaintance found trouble
enough by barely promising to marry, withou,
going further. A Southern editor caps tbs
climax by telling the story of a man who had
much trouble in finding any one to listen to his
promise to marry
An amusing incident occurred during the bat
lie Of Newton, Missouri The fight being rath
er hotIy contested, an officer became very thirsty
and repaired to spring near by to get coo
drink Of water Kneeliug down he drank from
the spring without the aid of a cup. As hi
arose from his refreshing tod. he sat himsel
armed with a pair Of tremeaaous Mexican Spurs
The instant he felt the prick ofthe sharp rowels
he thought the enemy were upon him and
bayonet entering his flesh. When some OK hi
men arrived, he was bawling, ooh, surrend
er! surrender at the top of his voice Thu
articles of war do not admit stating his name
FRIvoIITEs.- Deacon B., very pious man
was noted for his long prayers, especially In hi
family. One Monday morning the old gentle
man and his wife were alone, and, as was hi
CUSTOM after breakfast prayer was offered =
There being an unusual amount of work tina
day, the deacon s prayer was short, and seizins
his hat and milk-pail, he started for the barn
His wife, being deaf, did not notice his absence
but supposed him to be still engaged in prayer
On his return fr0s4 milking, he was SURPRISED
to find her still kneeling. He stepped up t,
her and shouted Amen, when she immediate
arose and went about her work as if nothin;
had happened.
= We heard good story on certain railroa,
the other day. On this road the train wa
frequently delayed by cattle upon the track
This had happened several times, but finally tn
locomotive entered upon clear sailing, aud 70
ten or fifteen miles the train ratified along at
lively jog. Ali of sudden, however, the engin
began lively blowing, showing that troubl
hadcomeag again. Attbis, one individual who ha,
been watching the trees fly past the windows
and had just persuaded himself into the belle
that he was riding into glory at the rate of
league at breath, jumped up with surpris
we haven't caught up with those id cattl