The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-04-14
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
l SAD AIR-Misfor- tame.

A SAD AIR-MisfOr- tune.
ECONOMY is the easy chair of old age.
THE SHADES OF NIGHT-WindOw cur
tains.
AN UNDoUBTED WOODEN HEAD-An
Alderman.
A DUEL should never be fought over
two seconds.
WHAT ailment may we look for on an
oak? Acorn.
CAN cast from marble be described
as a stones throw?
WHEN may man properly lead others?
When he's got ahead.
THERE is no truer saying than that
Sweet are the uses of advertisements "
DIVIDENDS are paid in cash in the
Washington Life Insurance Company of
New York.
To Keep out of Debt-Acquire the
reputation of a rascal, and no one will
trust you.
THE man most likely to leave his mark
upon the limestone who cannot write
| his own name
PROVIDE for your old age with policy
| III the Washington Life Insurance Com
pany of New York
THE man who ate his dinner with the
fork of a river has been trying to spin a
mountain top.
THE very climax of superfluOus benev-
| Olence has been declared to be that of
holding an umbrella over a duck in the
rain.
| THE New York San learns of lean
mans association out in Jersey, to which
crawling through a key-hole is the first
intiatory step.
| THE Cleveland Herald thinks the mar
riage service should be changed to read ::
Who dares take this woman? and the
groom shall answer, dare.
| THE entire assets of Boston bankrupt
were nine children. The creditors did
the handsome thing and let him keep
every one of them.
| A MALICIOUS libel is going the rounds
that vegetation is so scarce at Cape Cod
that two mullen stalks and whortlcbcrry
bush are called a grove.
| NEVADA claims to have brook trout
over four feet long. In some places the
streams are SD narrow that these trout
| have to come ashore to turn around-
| Detroit Tribune.
THERE is this difference between those
two temporal blessings, health and
money: Money is the most envied, but the
least enjoyed health is the most en-
jOyed, but the least envied.
| A CORRESPONDENT wrote to a news
paper in behalf of ian aged, INDECENT
mother" and was enraged in the morning
that his appeal was made to read in be-
half of "a one-eyed indignant woman. u
| "THE MAN who raised cabbage head
has done more good than all the meta
physics in the world" said stump
orator at a meeting. "Then," replied
wag, your mother ought to have the
| premium"
ONE of the New York railroad ring
says that although his father would not
tell lie for shilling, he would not hest
tate to tell eight for a dollar. That is the
difference between wholesale and retail
fibbing.
THE Evansville Journal says that a
young lady OF that city was licensed to
marry two gentlemen, and adds that she
made only one happy. Which that one
was is not stated, but probably it was The
one she did not marry.
| A PREMIUM is offered for the most in
geniOus device whereby newspaper car
be lent to neighborhood of not less thar
twenty families, without being worn out
before its return to the owner
"BoY, what is your father doing TO-
day ?" We'll, l s'pose he's failin'.
heard him tell mother yesterday to &C
round to the shops and get trusted all sht
could, and do it right off too, for he'd got
everything ready to fail, 'ceptin that"
| MASTER CHARLIE, aged four years. wa,
not pleased on being reproved by hi.
mother for some mischievOus prank, ant
showed his disp'easure in his face, when
his mother remarked Why, Charlie,
am astOnishcd TO see you making faces a
your motherr' "Why, l calculated tC
laugh, but, mamma, my face slipped"
HERE (says the New York Times is al
opportunity for the assertion of woman.
rights. A National Bee keepers Conven
ton is called to be held at Indianapolis OF
the 10th and 18th of August, and certainly
there could not possibly be any objection
to allowing woman, the Queen Bee o
the Convention, To preside over it.
A YANKEE one day asked his lawyer
how an heiress NIGH be carried of
g" You cannot do it with safety" said tn,
counselor; "but Pll tell you what yot
may do. Let her mount IA horse and hole
a bridle-whip; do you then mount behint
her, and you are safe, for she runs away
with you" The next day the lawyer
found that it was his own daughter VIII,
had run away with his client