The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1870-05-26
WHOLE NO. 1908. .G

; tehdcrness felt for him, which might have n
pence INTO real affection, Ihave no doubt a"
.,, Z M hls was The first shock-the second was tho
oisc9!yery mat II anything annoyed him. II 4
was impatient or little cross las think All tgo
men are al times, and know my temper is nat.
urally sunny, or If btsltess cares gpuressef him
ora hundred other annoyancas which mint
trouble one then, as a refuge from any OF these.
nc would drink liquor, and come home under ~
was bred in the New England idea OF tenn.
perance and this was to me vice more odioua
Ihan can speak had for II little compassion.
hin with unspcakable loathing and disgust 3
was living, when this first happened, In Brook.
Ign. had not single intimate friend In either
cii,y. ! had no one TO speak with from morning
vi vi hight, and was pregnant with my first baby,
WI Wnlci, @ made me very nervous and easily Affect
gd. t.i, " nat suffered that first year, God only
h9noWsi Wiht suffered many hundred times
since BE only knows, but It isenOugIi TO tell you
that ina year the possibility Of ever loving him
was utterly eXtlnguished.
This Is an awful thing to say dearest To draa
out Tor eight or ten years an existence with q
man whose whole nature overfowed with Das-
slon who by turn adOred and abused YOU and
who wanted to absorb both body md soul' and
10 feel nothing but a feeling Of pity. e
WaR TO 30 Mr. Mcfarland justice, ana pity
| MN more Than pity myself His condition and
| his suffering are worse, perhaps He had noble
theories and not strength enough to realize them
/ The mistakes that he made ernbtteTed and still
embltter him. He meant his life 10 be noble.
| ana L Is failure. ! am glad and proud to say
tlHt for tie last years he has ceased to be Jealous
/ Of me orofmy feeling toward any man. Ishould
/ never DE anything but a chaste woman In my
relations with men, bat his feeling has made md
! more than prudent, and / have been alWayH
{ mort reserved. have never had any sentiments
/ % warm rs friendship for other men, and my
| actions Wonld bear the most Jealous scrutiny
After iis afiairs-his business affars-had be-
come iopelessly entangled this was In the third
year OF our MARRIAGE, he insisted on returning
/ West, where he had formerly lived We stayed
| There for time, and came back here again. The
ilfst year after our return home from the West,
In
/ shaFs office, his habits were again dreadfully
! BAD, and he drank in way In which none Of
my friends lnistTusted IT, He would go out eve.
/ hiiiEs and spend them in low bar-roons, and
come home at or o'clock intheInOrninq reelS-
ing with liquor Three times he has come homo
beaten ard bruised. When he Is drunk all the
| gOod in hin Bfufned to evil; he Is simply and
| truly fiend. Uhdisciplined in his temper In
hl,s,Des hls Dest moments he has then been dreadful.
| MY Darling have spent hours and nights In
| scenes before whiGh tragedy grows pale 4 have
| no words TO speak Of them
| =. nave tried and do try TO do my duty. have
the most sincere pity for this unfortunate man:
my heart bleeds for him. try Heaven knOvG
| to be az patient as can. With all my troubles,
my life Is not as unhappy as his. My heart and
soul are my own; he cannot touch them. pity
him, but do not love him enough to lot him
wound me to the quick.
l don't know what to do-what course to take.
want to be advised. have written these wild
words, ineoherently, know, since writing IS NOT
my natural method of expression--to get soma
OF this weight off me, and have tried to write
Justly. know must in some way protect my
self rom Mr. McFarlands mode OF reYenging
any careless word upon me- / have half made
up my mind to-day TO tell the Sinclairs that
fear the cncroachments OF his habits. I dread
my my future SO much, and have my babies to
think Of beside
Yesterday he drew two weeks of nv salary az
the theater and paid the weeks board BILL and /
fear VIII spend good deal of the money which
We need 50 much, In liquor
Don't come to me after reading this; fear
shall repent writing it, - =
Yours dtleays, ABBY.
p. 81 Just went down TO breakfast and left
him in bed. When came up he was gone! I
Shall be 50 anxious till night"
Tho evening after I thus wrote her. Mr.. MeFars
land not coming home, went TO Mrs. Sinclair's
! before going TO the theater, and told her what
great distress was in. She then told me she
had been herself to Mr.. McElrath, who was q
friend Of Mr.. Sinciair's, and had asked him for q
place for Mr.. Mcfarland, In the Custom House.
and he had promised to give him one. "But,5
she added "if he gets drunk habitually, I canT
ask Mr.. Sinclair to recommend him, because
Air, MeE.lrath will not give r man ofsuch habits
a place. then iInplored her TO say nothing
about 1t, BECAUSE be must get the place, els01
should not know what to do with him; and slIa
promised to say nothing of IL, unless somethiuf
more was done ON Mr.. McFarlands part.
Within n few days after the lst of January,
1851, found the boarding house at No. 88 Anli..
ty-st, intolerahle for yauous reasons, and re-
moved to No. Y Amity-st., taking the back par.
lor and eXtensiOn-room for my rooms, and pre-
pairing our meals for myself, Percy, and Mr.. Mo
| Farland. The rooms were very comfortable, and
"A OHs
| rented half of the house. i took these rooms
| somewhere in the fist or second week in Janu-
| airy. ! had not money to move from the other
| board1ng-place, and, on informing Mr.. McEar.
| land of the fact, he told me he "should think
would borrow 1t from Mrs Calhoun, as she had
loaned me money before - and / went to her
and borrowed 20 in addition to other sums re-
eeved from her, before going to this house at
No. Y Amity-st AT this new place, besides go
ing nightly TO perform my part at the Winter
Garden, wrote during ali my spare momentS,i
being then engaged 10 write regularly for 1hs
Ricersttte and the children's column of The In
dependent and endeayoring TO do work for other
papers and also did all the cooking for threa
persons, a large part of the washing and ironing
for three andpll the sewing, &C., for my family.
Consequently had little time for anything but
work. % o..
Somewhere about the last Of January or first
of February, Mr.. Richardson came to lodge at
this house. He came there because there was q
good room vacant there and he was Obliged TO
move his lodgings which were in the vicinity,
and he told me he did not wish to move very
far as he expected to leave the city altogether
very soon, He called on me when he came to
the house to see the room, which was the first
time he ever called on me, or that ever saw
him IN any house where | was boarding, al
though had before met him occasionally RI
Mrs. Sinclair's, where he was a frequent visitor,
and at Mrs. Calhoun's, where he had been an In
mate OF her mothers family. a
On the 4th of February Mrs. Sinclair and MrH.
| Calhoun was going 10 Washington. Just before
| going Mr.. Mcfarland had terrible and unusu.
| ally dangerous attack of rage, of which told
! Mrs. Calhoun She said she was afraid to goaway
| and leave me with that man, for fear he would
! kill me, and asked ii she mght tell some of our
friends about his conduct, SO that we could have
| sOlneadyise in the matter before she went away;
| but feltas II Icould not consent TO this, and
told her so. Mr., Oliver johnson told me after.
ward that she did speak to himself and his wifa
OF her great anxiety for me, and her fear thai
Mr., Mcfarland would murder me in some OF his
Alter Mrs Calhoun and Mrs, Sinclair wore
gone, devoted, myself more closely than ever
10 my work. Nlr-Richardson was there in the
/ gun Il hnh fhppp IA faNuD DnNya
haps a week. when they went away. On the
evening of the 18th of February, when Mr.. Me-
Farland came In from the Custom-Hous where
he had been employed since the LIST OF February
as clerk in the office, procured for him through
the influence of the Sinclair's was standing at
Mr.. Richardsons door in the front hall, and he
was just handing me some manuscripts WHICH
he had offered to lend me to make use OF, IL !
could, in some literary work. Mr.. Richarlson's
room was used as his working-rOom and at thai
time, as at all parts of the day, he had with him
q stenographer, a messenger-boy, and an artist,
who We're engaged in his literary works. When
Mr.. Mcfarland came In he objected 70 my going
TO Mr.. Richardson's room, 10 which replied
that ~ had not been In, was not In the habit ot
going there, and even If had been In there, Il
was not a private room, but an office, In the day
| time" With this the matter dropped ana Il
supposed this was all of IL; but in few mos
ments Mr. Mcfarland commenced TO say some
| thing again on the same subject. i saw he was
in i'll humor, and supposed ne wished to make
anything the preteXt for one OF his passions, and
| l said little or nothing. From this he worked
| himself up into great fury, in which left him
| to go to my necessary work at the theater lie
| continued in this rage through the night, and I
spent terrible night with him. ALI through
the next day (the 20th) he remained at home
abusing and tormenting me. He used to me OK,
pressions which never could forgive or endure;
and, still harping on the fact OF my being at MT,
Richardson's room, asked me before Percy, who
was all the time present did MI @ RGhqras0n y, S1l
room alone with him7" and others which i con-
sidered Insulting and unpardonaple.