The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-09-22

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an exchange without any trace Of its
source:
How GOT INVITED TO DINNER.
NY gettin' the better Of my wife's
father is one of the richest things or
record.
I'll tell you heow it was. You must
know that he is lnonstrous stingy. The
complaint seems to run in the family
and everybody round our parts used
to notice that he never by any chance
asked anybody to dine with him. So
one. day, just for a chunk Of fun, / said
to friend of mine, Jeddy Dowkins-
a dreadful nice fellow is Jeddy-"Tll
bet you penn'orth of shoe strings
ginst row of pins that l get old Ben
Merkins, that's my w;le's father, to ask
me to dinner"
"Yeou get eout," said Jeddy; "why,
yeou might as well try to coax a cat
into shower bath, or get moonbcams
out Of cowcumbers."
"Well," said I, I'm going to try"
And try l did, and here's how l
went to work.
Jist as old Ben was sittin' down to
dinner, at one o'clock, l rushed up to
the house, at high-pressure pace, red
hot in the face, with my coat-tails in
the air, and my eyes rollin' about like
billiard-b balls in commissions. Rat-tat
--ding-a.ling-a.ling. l kicked up an
awful rumpus, and in fash out came
old Ben himself. / had struck the
right minnit. He had napkin under
his chin, and caryin' knife in his hand.
l smelt the dinner as he opened the
door.
30, Mr.. Merkins," said I, 'I'm tar
nation glad to see you. I feared you
mought'n be at home-Tm almost out
of breath. I'm come to tell you / can
save you a thousand dollarsr'
"a thousand dollars"' roarcd the
old man; and ! defy weasel to 60
"pop" quicker than his face burst into
smiles. "a thousand dollars! Ycou
don't say so du tell !"
ooh" said I, 81 see you are jist hay
in dinner meow. III 60 and dine my
self, and then I'll come back and tell
you all about it."
Nonsense" said he; "don't go
away; come in and sit down, and en-
joy yourself, like a. good fellow, and
have a snack with me. ! am anxious
to hear what you have to say"
l pretended to decline, sayin' "Td
come back;' but I'd thoroughly stir
red up the old chaps curiosity, and it
ended BY his fairly pulin' me into the
house, and l made a rattlin' dinner Of
pork and beans.
l managed for some time to dodge
the main pint Of his inquiry. At last
finished eating, and there was no fur
Their excuse for delay; besides, old Ben
was gettin' fidgety.
Come, neow," said he, "no more
preface. About that thousand dollars
come. let it eout!'
"Well, I'll tell you what" said l,
"yeou have darter, Misery Ann, to
dispose of in marriage, have yeou
notI"
"What's that got to do with it p
interrupted he.
Hold your proud steeds-don't run
off the track-a great deal to do with
it," said l. "Neow answer my ques.
ton"
"Well," said he, II have"
"And you intend, when she marries,
to give her $4,000 fora portion9'
81 do" he said.
"Wcll, meow, here's the pint rm
comm tew: Let me have her, and I'll
take he- with $4,000; and $4,000 from
$4,000, accordin' to simple addition,
list leaves 81, 900, and that will be clean
profit-saved as slick as a whistle ~
The next thing l knew tler was a
rapid Interview goin' on between old
Bcn's foot and my oattails-ana I'm
Inclined to think the latter got the
worst of it.
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