The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-12-22
WIT And HUMOR.
--Men are Ike pc.atocs-they do
not know how soon they may bs,'n hot


not know how soon they may bs,,n hot
water.
Why Is solar eclipse like moth
er thrashing her own childP Because
it's hiding Of the sun. .a
-"Mama, can q door speak ?"
Certainly not, my dear" "Then why
did YOU tell Annie this morning to an.
swer the door?' ut is time for you
to go to school, my DEAR"
"A Troy paper recently printed
two articles, one Of which was an
Obituary notice, and the other funny
anecdote. The headings accidentally
got changed, and when the paper ap.
pcared the editor was Mortified 20 see
the obituary notice headed, "a Good
Joke" while the funny anecdote was
prefixed with the caption, "a Sad An.
nounoement." .n
"A lawyer in Connecticut, not re.
markable for his cleanliness of person,
appeared at party while ago with G.
rose in his button hole. "Where do
you suppose it came from?" said,he
to brother lawyer who was admiring
it. he latter looked up and down the
entire length Of the qnestioner, and
with great deliberation responded:
why, I suppos. it grew there
"A certain lawyer in Portland, who
recently sued man out Of the city,
had the summons sent back with the
statement en- the back that. as the de.
fendant lived some six miles from the
city, and had no horse, and it was too
muddy and too far to walk, he should
not appear at court in obedience to the
summons. He further says that, as he
had no money, and never expected to
have any, it would make little differ.
ence whether the plaintiff obtained
judgment or not.
SOCRATES and the Widow.--A hus.
band lost a beautiful and beloved wife.
The loss filed his mind with grief, and,
in his despair, he would have slain
himself with his dagger, had not his
friends prevented him. Disappointed.
bnt still furious, he dashed his head
against the wall, determined 10 seek
death in some way, so as to rejoin the
beloved; but he was persuaded to con-
suit the sage Socrates, and seek advice
and consolation al his hands. He did
50. an! the philosophers only answer
was, "Come again in eight mcnths.'
At the end Of that time he did not
come, for-he had married again. .,
Tho following specimen of bar eli.
oquence in Il not. distant Western State
was actually delivered, as We know
from a correspondent, as here reported
in his notes. The case was the trial OF
u person on writ OF inquirendo lunati.
co. Which side the ''learned" and el..
oquert advocate was on il is somewhat
q. difficult 10 ascertain from his speech :.
"Thc counsel on the other side, Sir,
misapprehends the principle involved
in this important case. Law, Sir, is
; very simple, if We understand its ele
mentary principles. The principle of
this case, Sir, is to be found in the
horn.books of the profession. hold
in my hand, Sir, voluge Of E.cck.
stone, Sir, the great author .; the En-.
glish lrw; yes, Sir, l hold in my hand,
Sir, that glorious maqnus eaGrlus, the
foundation and bulwark Of English lib.
crty, which vas wrung by the illus
trious King John. sword in hand, from
the bloody barons on the banks OF the
pleasant Bounymcae, Oh that momen.
!, tous occasion But, Sir, I did not in.
tend to make speech, Sir, and as
=. have not examined the question, Sir, /
, submit it to the Cour. with these few
, and incongruviai remarks" .#H
The Hide Dealers Sign.-Ths
, proprietor of a lanyard, adjacent to q
certain town in Virginia, concluded to
build stand, or sort Of sign, on one Of
| the main streets, for the purpose Of
, vending his leather, buying raw hides,
), and the like. After completing his
r building, he began to consider Whist
solt Of sign it would be best to put
up for the purpose Of attracting atten.
- ton to his new establishment; and for
days and weeks he was sorely puzzled
on this subject. Several devices were,
. one utter another, adopted, aud, OH
further consideration, rejected. AT
:, last happy idea struck him. Hc bored
an auger hole through the door post,
and stuck calrs tail into it. with the
It bushy end Haunting out. Amer /
$ while, he noticed grave looking per.
o sonage standing near the eoor with
: his spectscles.' gazing intently on Ii.
e sign. And there he still continued 4
t stand, dumbly absorbed, gazing ani
e gazing, until tue curiosity Of the hide