Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-12-23
III sga0r.

Esissss0r.
Court plaster-kisses.
A good berry-eoffee berry
Bridal chambers rooms.
The coming mantle boy baby.
The light Of other days-candles-
The editors position-composition.
Burning words-A dictionary in flames.
A printer devils dish in winter cold pl.
A promising sign-putting your name to
a note.
1t is we'll to be flush in pocket, but net
in countenance.
Mother Eve'sbirch is mentioned as the
first HURRICANE.
Why is sword like beer? Because it's
no use till it's drawn.
Time is travelling thief, ever stealing,
vet no man can catch him.
A duel is a question of time. 1t only takes
two seconds to arrange lit. fj2|6
The way of the wicked-an excursion
train to prize fight.
There is no spot on earth SO fair as-a
800 one.
What is that which ties two persons, but
only touches one? A wedding ring.
Sveetening ones coffee is generally the
first stirring event Of the day
When is an umbrella like person con-
yalescent? When 1t is recovered.
Why are types like criminals: Because it
is not proper to lock them up without proof
A contradiction The best way to patch
up quarrel is to SPLIT the difference
WHY does tie railroad conductor cut a
hole in your ticket? To let you pass through
A light fgure--a woman with taper
waist.
It makes great 6iffesence whether glass
es are used under OF over the nose.
A man in Oxford, Ind WAS bitten by a
rattle snake seventeen years ago, and ls still
taking whiskey to cure the bite.
AS we often hear Of flying bricks, We
ought not to be astonished at hearing a
chimney fue.
Thomas Jefferson never made speech,
having, as he termed it, me faculty of think
ing when on his legs.
1t is said Of one who remembered every.
thing he lent, but nothing that he borrowed,
that ha had lost half of his memory.
His Mothers Boy is the title Of a new
English novel The youth ought 10 be thank
full that he wasn't some one e1se's boy
y A veteran shopkeepcr says that although
bis clerks are very laxative during the day,
they are always ready to shut up at night.
A fashionable lady of Brooklyn acknowl-
edges the corn--fourteen of EN- on one
foot.
Il is noticeable fact. that people who
change their mind often never get good
one.
Give me some headache and family
fight" is the Ohio call for glass Of whis-
Ky.
When lady INDUCES in yawn or two.
gentleman callers are justified in taking
their hats and viewing the house from the
outside.
A divinity student, being asked why he
preferred theology to medicine, gave as d
reason, 1T is easier to preach than to prac-
tice' 500
You have only yourself to please said a
Benedict to an old bachelor. True, replied
he, but you cannot tell what difficult task
find it.
Mrs Moddlcr never could, for the life of
her, understand what high churchman
was, until she heard Of French minister
being up in balloon.
At Vickshurg the.irequenters Of saloons
are not asked what beverage they prefer,
but are invited to nominate your fan lily
disturbance.
My DEAR said wife to her husband
'have you seen our new furniture? It is
Aplendid' No. said he but l haze the
bill ....
Are you the mate OF the ship?' asked an
emigrant Of the cook, who was an freshman.
No, sir, was the answer, I am the man
that cooks the mate
A greenhorn sat a long time very atten-
tive, musing upon cane.bot m chair -
At length he said, wonder what fellow
took the trouble to fnd all them ar holes
and put straws around 'em"
A proud and loving Missouri father, in
setting forth the accomplishments of his
daughter, said she could cverlastingly bang
ivory and howl, and could paw a washboard
like mule"
A woman lecturer says woman's spte ere is
s'bounded on the north by her husband, on
the east by her baby, on the south by her
mother in-l law, and on the west by maiden
aunt"
Consolation A good deal of the consola-
tons offered in the world are almost as SO
lacing as the assurance Of the man to his
wife as she fell into the river: You'll find
ground at the bottom, my dear.
a little boy running struck his toe and
fell on the pavement. ''Neser mind, my
.A.I,. & IL L..