Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1870-01-18
-Les2aCh fer HatpsOTists.

At the recent wedding of Bishop Simpson S
daughter, the organist played the lNtserere from
II Trovatore.
When lady was told that her kerosene lamp
might explode, she declared she didn't "kero-
sent whether it did or not
'We must reconcile ourselves to our enemies
when We are dying" remarked an old topper,
as he called for d glass of water.
Sticking feathers into piece of bull beef,
and selling il for spring chicken is complained
of out West as not being just the thing.
Stiggins, the Newmarket man, says his wife
is perfect rose. The only drawback to his
happiness is that she blows out 'leetle' often.
The color of a certain clergyman's eyes has
never been decentralization he prays be
shuts his own, and when he breaches be shuts
other peoples.
A Sierra Leone paper wants an English COM
positor. The editor made present Of the last
one he had to the chief of an interior tribe who
wanted something for thanksgiving dinner.
A gentleman being asked if he was seriously
injured when the steam boiler exploded, is said
to have replied that he was SO used to being
blown up by his wife that mere steam had nc
effect On him.
Kitchen girls are now termed iyoung ladies
of the lower parlor" People who go about
grinding knives, scissors and razors are termed
"gentlemen Of the revolution Folks who
dig clans are termed profound investigators. y
Said an ambitious youth one day to a young
lady: Don't you think I'd better dye my
mustache?' caressing the infant prodigy, Il
think if you let it alone it will die itself, said
the lady.
A fowery exchange says The oyster is what
rc knn n m m
lusk of the lamellbranchiate order of the genus
ostrea 1t is also known to science that they &C
good with vinegar, disguised even in such a
name as the above.
A Mormon, with three wives and twenty
three children, is visiting brother in Toledo
The first question the Toledo man asked was
''How long are you going to remain with US 2
The answer was supposed to have been satisfac-
tory, as the victim is negotiating for grist-
mill and a grocery.
HEN PERsUADER The Springfield Repub
Ecan, in speaking of new invention for hen
nest, whereby the eggs drop through a trap
door, and so deceive the hen that she keeps on
laying, is responsible for the following:
"Bloobs met with loss however, with one
of the persuaders. Bloobs had lively young
shanghai pullet of boundless ambition. Blobbs
bought persuader and his lone shanghai used
it. She went upon the nest in the morning =
Blobbs saw her go, and his heart bounded with
in him. Alas he never saw her come away
again. At night he visited the persuader. In
the upper compartment was handful Of feath-
ers, few toe-nails and a bill In the lower
compartment were three dozen and eleven eggs.
A FIGHTING EDToR.-An exchange says
A fighting man has been employed on this pa
per- He weighs eight hundred pounds. His
wrists are the very tools of death; his eyes arc
black; his boots are No. IL. O, he is a mon
ster, this fighting man of ours He goes fol-
men like an ant for green cheese. He was new
er thrashed. 0, he is whale He ate seven
cans of oysters at our office the other night
and called for more He's the heaviest instru
ment of total and eternal punishment on rec
ord Come at US, We lean and lank, overgrowr
specimens of humanity; spit on our boots il
you dare; slide down our cellar door if you car
and if our Wellaspus don't everlastingly go fol
you, thea size and health have nothing in
them.