The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1870-04-29


1870.
Ed WRlour, Secretary Of State.
The wife Of Hebrew is not nee
esssrily she-brew, neither would it
be proper to style brewers children
his "homs brewed, +" Is our CORES
pondcnt answered?
A Texas paper boasts Of the mum
Der Of gin and mills in that country.
In these ATTITUDES the two are gener-
ally compounded into one word and
known as gin-miIls.
Libertyis good institution. but
people have different ways of under
standing it. A Teutonic friend Of
ours says: "WheH l no gets my la
GER, ] leaves the country"
A sable sovereign Of Texas, when
reproved fer bis poligamy, replied :
"Why, hi hasn't got but four
'mendments yet, and dc law openly
lows de colored man fifteen.
"Some elisloyal rebel" remarks
that whenever the New England peo-
pie appoint a day Of fasting, humili-
alton and prayer, you may always be
sure there is some deviltry afoot.
Governor Geary says he will "con-
queror or die, in the next Presiden-
tial contest. As he has ruled the
radicals long enough to grow gray in
the service, VIC think he had better
"dye."
A Maine lady left by the war with
thirt y-one orphan grandchildren de-
sires either pension or another war
to provide for them, and does not
seem to care much which of the two
it is.
There is kind of grim humor in
the address Of q devout deacon to his
newly-settled pastor as he gave him
the usual welcome: 1.-THE Lord keep
you humble and we will keep you
poor"
Husbands and wives arc beginning
to cuss and discuss the new style Of
spring bonnets. If they arc any
smaller than their predecess they
won't be hardly worth good sized
cuss.
Queer, isn't it? President Grant
rewarded the man who gave him par,
of house with Cabinet Office, but
put off the man who gave him life
with a paltry post-ofice at Coving-
ton. Kentucky.
Merchants who advertise only once
IN three months, forget that most
persons cannot remember anything
more than seven days. Advertisers
10 the PLAIN DEALER should make a
note Of this.
A Tilted swain spitefully says
"Evs did not know a. much a. her
daug hters of the present day. Had
they been in her place, instead Of be.
ing deceived they would have dsceiv-
cd the devil"
An Indiana paper tells of LAWYER
there who charged client ten dol
lars for collecting nine, but said he
would not press him to pay the other
dollar for few days, if it would be
more convenient for him to 1t it
stand.
Tho latest dish on New England
bills Of fare is BAKED shad and
Shoe Fly" said "Shoo Fly" con.
sisting Of small strips of potato, cut
thin and fried hard and crisp If We
were very hungry we would be likely
Me-
A slight Misunderstanding. At a
temperance meeting q number of la
dies who desired to throw their inilu-
ence on the right side, came up to
sign the pledge when son Of Erin
exclaimed: BE CORA! who would
think so many. enc looking Yankee
women drink"
Another of Washing:on's field
hands has died again. this timo in
st. Louis. lie was 1O5 years old
and in possession Of all bis faculties.
We dread tho task Of cyphering up
bow many Of these worthless have al
ready departed this life and how
many there are whose obituaries are
yet unwritten.
A Pittsburgh editor gets bi, back
up, and says he is "st all times ready
TO WELD trenchant blade in q dis
cussion syllogistioally conducted. /"
his friends gave him sedlitz powder
and put wet cloth on his head; and
he rested pretty we'll that night.
:. If you waut to take the census of
the number Of children in a street
beat drum. TO ascertain the num-
Der of loafers-start dog-6ght.
The perpetrator of the following.
ve arc happy to say. is deceased. He
vas bled to death with hair-pins, af.
forwards drowned in catnip tea !:
When are babies not babies? When
they are Robin redbreasts.
A Western editor, in response to
J subscriber who grumbles that bis
- per 10 intolsrably damp, says
- "a honausa there is "A mnch cl41a