Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes Co., O. [Ohio]) 1870-1895, 1870-09-08

10 InOSe VINO are In pecunlary
difficulties-Get out.
Clap blister on a poet and it
will make him soar.
-Curious-The seasons not only
ALTERNATE, but alter-nater.
When a patient begins to feed
more, the doctor is feed less.
"A preventive against freckles-
Strawberries and cold cream.
1t generally requires a round
sum to make things square.
Why is kiss like a scandal?
Because it goes from mouth to
mouth.
"A dress for the concert-room-
Organdi muslin with fiuted founces.
The favorite romance of office
seekers-Put yourself in his place.
-"The looking-gl and l."
said ugly Miss Nobbs, '.refect to-
gether."
Why is washerwoman like
grief? Because she wrings mems
bosoms.
"A matchless melody - "Here
you are, sir; the last two boxes for
a penny"
To anglers-To properly bring
up some fish you should not spare
the rod.
To be generous, you need not
give alone-you may lend alone if
you like.
Great singers are often in debt;
they get into the way of running up
high scores.
Seaside Views; That all visitors
are made of money, and proper sub
lJects for extortlOn.
Why ought crockery to know
when it's going to be broken? Be
cause it must be aware.
During peace a regiment is
quartered; during war time it is oc-
casionally cut to pieces.
Certainly, witches have been
known to ride on mouses. Hence
our word sim ION famous.
If postage on papers be reduc-
ed to one cent, there will be two
sent where there is one sent now.
Experimental philosophy-Try-
ing to borrow an umbrella. Moral
philosophy-refusing to lend it.
If a mans wife has a complaint
to make, her husband should give
her a hearing. If that won't do,
give her pair of them.
AN Irish editor, speaking of the
miseries of Ireland, says: "Her cup
of misery has been for ages over
flowing, and is not yet full"
All our experience goes to show
that person who can live in this
world without suffering slander,must
be too stupid or insignificant to
claim attention.
Why are the country girls
cheeks like a good calico dress?
Because they are warranted to wash
and retain their color.
AN ingenious scheme to get
summer food" is that of an Iowa
editor, who offers to send his paper
one year to the person who will send
to the office the largest watermelon.
-"Bill Jones'" said bullying ur-
chin to another lad, ''next time
catch you alone I'll fog you like
anything. "Well," replied Bill, Il
amt much alone; 1 commonly have
my legs and fists with me-"
The story of woman who has
not spoken to her husband for twenty
years, which has been going the
rounds of the press of late, has just
received a satisfactory explanation.
The woman has not had husband
for twenty years.
"Punning," says the quaint
Cardan, lis an art of harmonious
jingling upon words, which passing
in at the ears and falling upon the
diaphragm, excites titilary motion
on those parts; and this being con
veyed by the animal spirits into the
muscles of the face, raises the cock
els OF the neart.
-Mademoiselle Paurella did not
wish to play one night and feigned
sickness. The manager sent the
physician attached to the theatre to
see what was the matter. On his
report Ia belle Paurelle was obliged
to appear. During all the play, the
pretended sick one was continually
uttering little cries as of acute pain.
poor girlr' said a companion,
"are you then suffering so muchy"
'Oh! / am terribly sick"
What does the doctor say is the
"Here is his report to the mana
ger: The sickness of Mademoiselle
Paurelle is an inadmissable hypothe-
sis Oh, how it hurts me-"