The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-07-05
Il U M 0 RoUs IT MS


West, fellow citizens" "Then." ex-
claimed an old farmer in the crowd, its
time you went to school and learnt jogra-
ply"
B9- Tn the old time Connecticut pas
tor declined an addition of 500 to his
salary, for the reason, among others, that
the hardest part of his labors had been
the collection of his salary, and it would
kill him to collect 500 more
RsSS~ At Sunday School in Ripon. u
teacher asked little boy if he knew what
the expression "sowing tares" meant
"Courth does" said he, pulling the seat
Of his little breeches around in 'front.'
" there's tear my ma sewed. feared
it slidin' down hill"
pSs~ AS Pat Hogan, recently arrived
emi grant, sat enjoying his connubial bliss
upon the banks of a Southern creek, he
espied turtle emerging from the stream.
/" Och, honey p he exclaimed, " that ivor
| should come to Ameriky to see a snuff
box walk !"
bag" An Irishman, being little fud-
died, was asked what was his religious be-
lief. Is me belafe ye'd be askingabout?
It's the same as the Wildly Brady.
owe her twelve shillings for whiskey, and
she behaves I'll never pay her-and faith
that's me belafe too"
be2y@ Curran being at party at the
seat of an Irish nobleman, one Of the
company, who was physician, strolled
out before dinner into the churchyard-
Dinner being served up, and the doctor
not returned, some of the company were
expressing their surprise where he had
gone to. "Oh," says Curran, she has
just stepped out to pay visit to some of
his old patients"
Dea54' Vat ish dem tings dat has cot
long bill und go buz' inquired
Dutchman of man at hotel, where he
had put up the night before. Il suppose
you mean woodcocks," returned he
" Veil l kill dwenty woodcocks in mine
chamber bed last night" 90, you mean
mosquitoes" "Vell den Kill dwenty
mosquitoes" returned the Dutchman.
Ray" A few years ago a little fellow was
taken by his father to a carpenter to
be bound apprentice to him, after the
fashion of those times In settling the
business, the master, who was one of the
stiff kind, observed: " Well, boy, sup
pose you can cat most anything, can't
you? l always make my boys live on
what they don't like" II love every
thing but mince pie and apple pie p was
the boys instant reply,
n&g~ A good story is told of the late
M. de Balzac. One night, while lying
awake in bed he saw man enter his
room cautiously, and attempt to pick the
lock Of his writing desk. The rogue
was not a little disconnected at hearing a
loud laugh from the occupant of the
apartment, whom he supposed asleep
" Why Go you laugh" asked the thief
" am laughing, my good fellow" said
M. de Balzac, % to think what pains you
are taking, and what risk you run, in
hope Of finding money by night in desk
where the lawful owner cannot finl auv
by day"
HeS- A Michigan constable, from whose
custody prisoner had escaped with only
a shirt on, while in search of the convict,
was told by one of his neighbors that
there had appeared at the house of the
latter, during the night, an individual
who was stark naked and who refused to
give any account of himself. The neigh
Dor further said that the stranger was
still in his house, and might yet be taken.
The constable flew around, got his hand
cuffs, and rode up to the residence Of his
informant, to find that the lady of the
house had given birth to u fine baby.
bD" A Lady was told the other day by
a trav cling gentleman that in certain
country every lady who had small mouth
was provided with a husband by the gov.
ernment.
" Ith it pothible," said the lady max
ing her mouth as small as she could.