Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1870-01-06
JOSH BILLINGSGATE.
Female Remarks.

Dear girls, are yu In sarch ov husbandf
This IL pumper, and yu are not requir-
ed tew say 'Yes" out loud, but are expekt-
ed tew throw yure eyes down into the earth.
az tho yu waz lookin for pin, and reply
tew the interrogation with kind OF drawd-
IN sigh, az tho yu waz eating an oyster,
juice and all, of from the half shell.
Not tew press SO tender theme until it
becomes thorn in the flesh, We will pre-
sumo Qew avoid argument) that yu are on
the lookout fur sumthin in the male line
lew boost va in the uphill ov life, and few
keep his eyes on the britching when w
begin tew go down the other side oy the
mountain. Let me give yu sum small
chunks ov advice how tew spot yure future
husband:
I. The man who IL jellous ov every lit
tie attenshun which w git from sum other
fellow, yu will find, after W are married
tew him, luvs himself more than he duz
yu, and what yu mistook for solissitude, w
Will diskover, haz changed into inditfer-
ence. Jellousy isn't heart disease; it il
liver kompiaint.
2. A mustash liz not indispensable; it iz
only a little more hair, and IL good deal
like moss and other excressences often
duz the best en- sile that won't raize emmy
thing else. Don't forgit that those things
which yu admire in fellow before mar
riage, yu will probably hav tew admire in
a husband after. and a mustash will git tew
be very weak diet after long time.
3 III husbands could be took on trial, az
Irish cooks are, tew-thirds ov them would
probably be returned; but there don't
seem tew be emmy law fur this. s.-Tharefore
girls, yu will see that after yu git a man.
you have got tew keep him, even if You
lose on him. Consequently, if yu have got
emmy cold vIttles in the house try him on
them, once in awhile, during securing
season, and if he swallers them well, and
sez he will take sum more, he liz a man
who, when Bl1e Monday Gums will wash
well.
4 Don't marry pheller who is alwuz a
telling how his mother duz things 1t liz
az bard tew suit theZe men az it liz few
wean yuDg one.
.. If yung man kan beat yu PLAYING
on pianner, and kant hear fish-horn
playing In the street without turning a back
surimsrsett on account ov the musick that
is in him, say strip him; he might answer
tew tend babe, but if yu set him hoeinp
out the garden, yu will find that w hav got
tew do 1t yurself A man whose whole
heft lies In musick land not very hefty at
tusti), dlu uO DtttcT IOr q husband than q
seedlitz powder, but if he luvs tew listen
while yu sing sum gentle ballad, w will
find him mellow, and so soft. But don't
marry ennybody for jst cne virtew emmy
quicker than yu would flop man for list
one fault.
8. 1t iz one oy the most tuffsst things
fura female tew be al old maid successfully. 4
A great menny hsz tried it, and made a bad
job ov 1T. Eyrybody seems tew look upon
old maids jist as they do upon dried harbs
in the garret, handy fur sickness and,
therefore, girls it amt mistake that you
should be willing tew swop yurseif cph,
with sum true phellow fur true husband
The swop IL good one, but don't swop fur
emmy man who liz respectable jist because
IL father IL Yu had better be an old maid
fur thousand years, and then join the
Shakers. than tew buy repentance at this
price. No woman ever made this trade
who didn't git either phool, a mean cuss
or clown fur a husband.
In Digging down into this subject, ]
find the digging grows harder the furtherI
git. 1t IL much easier tew inform w who
not to marry, than who tew, fur the reason
thare Ia more ov them.
don't think w will foller mi advice, if
Civ it; and therefore will keep it, for i
look upon advice as do upon castor ile-a
mean dose tew give, and moan dose tew
take.
But must say one thing. girls, or spile
If va kan find bright-eyed, healthy and
well-ballasted boy, who looks upon poverty
az sassy az a child looks upon wealth-who
had rather sit down on the curb-stun, in
front of the Fifth Avenue Hotel, and eat
ham sandwich. than to 90 inside and run
in debt for hiz dinner and toothpick-one
who is armed with that kind of pluck that
makes a defeat for a victoIy-my advise is
to take him body and sole--snare him at
unst fur he is strs troat, ov breed very
skase in our water.
Take him, say, and bid onto him, az
hornets bid onto tree