Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1870-12-14
THE
a Dlstieh-a ripped seam.

LIE OdhONlCLE.
A Distich-a ripped seam.
Worthless fellows-Those broken
in a wheel.
Syntax-Fines assessed in the police
courts.
The Depth Of Cowardice-Fearing
to strike a balance-sheet.
"P'lice don't" as the thief said 10
the constable when he was about to
arrest him.
Counterfeit twenty-dollar notes on
the Merchants National Bank Of
New York are in circulation.
Flowers which Nilsson wore in her
~ while attending the French Fair
IN New York, sold for $50 each.
Newspaper editors in France are
typical soldiers. If their leaders are
good they use slugs to advantage.
A veteran shOpkeeper a v that al
though his clerks are very laxative
during the day. they are always ready
to shut up at night.
In the French capital the irrepressi-
bic Marseillaise has at last died out
Everybody is now shouting Justify,
up in a balloon, boys"
The latest thing in funeral process
sions in the West is a wagon to pre-
eede the hearse, bearing a bell, which
is tOlled en- route to the grave.
"Biddy. did you put an egg in the
coffee, to settle it?'' "Yes mum ; L
put in four; they were so bad, 1 had
to use the more Of them.n
Looking at the aurora borealisu is
is the excuse heads of families and
young men give now at breakfast for
being out a the previous evening.
A Chinese thief having stolen a
missiOnary's watch brought it back to
him the next day 10 be shown how to
wind it up.
A witness in a case of assault and
battery, when asked what he said, re-
piled, Il sed to him wild the toe of
my boot, Go homer"
There are 2g4 loves Of bread made
from a barrel of -four, which, at ten
cents a loaf, would yield $50 80 a bar
rel.
Horse traders Of Missouri put a little
oil Of vitriOl on the animals hOof 10
make him show off his uncOntTOlla-
bic spirit.
The Fireplace" is the name of a
drinking saloon in Chicago. Any
m can get warm for ten cents, or
red-hOt for q quarter.
A boy in Salem interfered to pre-
vent a female teacher from furnishing
his brother, and got thirty-siX hours
in the lookup as his reward.
A melting sermon being preached
in a country church, all Wept except
n man, who, being asked why ne
did not weep with the rest, "Oh,n
said he, Il belong to another church.
AtmOspherical knowledge, a v the
Danbury Mass NeJrs, Is not thor
oughly distributed in our schools. A
boy being asked "What is mis-? ''
vaguely responded, IAN umbrella"
a poor man, who was i'll, being
asked by a gentleman whether he had
taken any remedy, replied, mo, l
amt taken any remedy, but I've
taken lots of physic."
A gentleman asked a little girl what
it was that made a person look so
when another tickled him. Suppose
it is the laugh creeping over him"
was the instant reply.
1t is announced by the trustees Of
Williams College that no young
man of merit shall be obliged to in
termit his studies here on account OF
inability to pay his college bills"
Cotton stalks are reported to be in
bloom at La Guardo, Tenn, an agTi-
cultural phenomenon which is said to
have been unknown before for almost
half a century.
An old bachelor says that giving
the ballot to WOmG would not amount
to anything practically, because they
would keep denying they were old
enough to vote uutil they got to be
too old to take any interest In politics.
An officer on review day happened
to be thrown of his horse. AS he lay
~sprawling on the ground, he said 70 a
friend who ran to his assistance /: 81
thought Ihad improved in my riding,
but / find that l have fallen off,"
1t is believed tnat the wal in Eu-
rope is simply a bargain between
King William and Napoleon TO swap
populations by getting all the Ger
mans into France and all the French
men into Germany.-N. Y. World.
On the accommodation train"
ConductOr-This your boy, mum?
He is too big for half ticket. Moth
er-Oh, is he? Perhaps he is now,
mister; but he wasn't when we start
ed.
"Well, my dear" said our good pas
tor, at Sunday school, to a tOw-head-
ed urchin. az am glad to hear you
are getting to bea better boy" "Why,
sir, said little Joe, looking up with
grave earnestness, gosh I amt been
sick"
In Boston there is q young apple
merchant, not yet IL years of age, who
! employs five other boys younger than
himself, appOrtiOning them their dis
tricts for selling, and reaps a daily
revenue of 81 to SO. All but one at
| tend school, and all are of native birth.
Carlyle, after emptying his culver
of more satirical arrows than any
brother essayist, eOolly says: ''Sar-
| casm 1 now see to be, in general, the
language Of the devil; for which rea-
son 1 have as good as long since re-
nOunced it."
Put an E~nglishman into the garden
of Eden and he would find fault with
the whole blasted concern put a
Yankee in, and he would see where
he could alter it to advantage; put an
| Irishman in and he would want to
boss the thing; nut a Dutchman in,
and he would proceed 10 plant it with
cabbages.
In his sermon on the Importance of
little things, Henry Ward Beecher
| SAYS many men would not blaspheme
oh, no! but they use towards oaths,
saying "By Jupiter ~ when they
want to say by Jehovah! I" Darn
it," when they want to say damn
] it!'' Il swOw - when they want to
say 81 swear ~