Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1870-07-21

[ smell the sweet stuff on her chin. -
He thinks it's her breath, and tha
: she is an angel, and feeds on tube
roses. She calls him dear Alphon
50, smooths his marble brow, an,
speaks ofhis Oriental eyes and Gre
can nose. He has a hole in on
check big enough for a skating
pond, which she calls a dimple.-
The wart on his hand she calls
lillock Of loyellncss. Then sh,
makrs a muller of her arms, and
puts it around his COrinlhian neck
and rolls up her eyes like a sicR
Goldfish. He slings the gal around
heavy. He brings her billed chest
nuts and whole quarts Of shrimps
takes moonlight walks sits on the
steps; teaches her astronomy
writes poetry; calls her his heav-
enly duck, his Arabian pepper grass,
sweetness, his bird of Paradise, his
Edenly gcranium-until some nighi
when she pats his head and stroke:
his hair until she gets his brair
turned inside out, down on the
/ Brussels carpet goes both his knees
his hands clasp together like he
was going TO swim, and he casts his
eyes upward and says: "Will you
have me r
The triumphant hussy replies:
"Oh! AIphonso, how sudden, l
declare 70
Yet she don't put her answer off
not "muchly.' She's got him
/ just where she wants him. Give
him time think, he'd probably new
er make such a darned fool OF him
self again, bciase this wedlock bu
siness, when viewed in a philoso
phical light, is nothing more than
a man becoming possessed OF the
insane idea that he'd rather pay
board for two or two dozen) than
for one.
Now the fellcr has his foot in
it, she calls his attention t. breach
Of promise cases in the papers. She
has him faster than shoemaker s
gum. Next day, she tells every
gal she knows that she is engaged,
and makes them VOW they won't
say a word about it. He-poor
cuss! don't 90, that fatal night,
more than hall a block before he
knows he has made a darned fool
of himself, and his face wears an
expression like unto a feller who
has resigned himself to taking a
dose OF castor oil. She sets the
time, and he tries to hitch it off;
but she gets in on him, calls him
her sweet halsam of Peru, her an
gel darling, her cherub, her spotted
tawn, her dear duck, until he willis
like butterfly in a hail-storm, and
she exclaims, "Do with me as thou
wilt; / am lhine-all thine !" He,
poor, detected distressed looking
cuss, sneaks away, feeling too mean
to look a manly lamp-post in the
face, and starts to hunt up tailor
who will sell him a black suit on six
months time, while she goes shop
ping, and brings home samples OF
silk. Old aunts call upon her, and
with tears Of pity rolling down
their cheeks advise her to submit
to her fate; for. although they
know it is hard for a poor, timid
fawn like her to leave home, yet
such is woman's lot, and it is her
duty. The fatal day approaches,
and some dark night the poor cuss
can be seen sneaklng along to en-
gage the parson.
The day comes, First one car
riage drives to the church door,
then another. Then comes three
more with the mourners. Every
body makes rush for the church.
Three or four girls, done up in
white lace, get out of the carriages !;
then the bearers, wrapped up in
broadcloth, hitch on to the bundles
of lace; they get to the church
door, fix their rigging, then sail
majestically up the centre aisle
amid murmurs of There they
lcomc!" "Ain't she sweet p and
such like. Then the dominic joins
them in this wise: "You hereby
swear that what you affirm is
true, so help you God! Amen.
What God has put asunder let no
man join apart. Know all men by
these presents. And do you here
by swear the same to be the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing but
the truth? Now, by the power in
vested in me by the Constitution OF
the United States, pronounce you
to be one, and your letters of rec
ommendation will be handed you
as soon as convenient" The deed
is did-that is, part did-and they
start to get away from their native
heath by the first train. That night
they join their hands together and
register a VOW in heaven that fley
will always be good to each other,
never fight, never be cross, nev-
er have sra's, never give sour
looks, never hit each other-and in
less than eight months that girl will
make a race course round his eye
with broom-handle, and call him
frizzle- headed sourkraut; while
he will play base ball with her wa
terfall; and Wednesdays Saturdays,
instead Of going to matinecs, she'll
rat n 0ond ronSinn old thraShinQ.