The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-10-13
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WIT AND HUMOR.
"A woman's heart Is like 6ddle |
requires q bow TO play upon II.

likes young married couples, "because
they are apt to give themselves heirs"
- Every plain girl has one consola.
ton. Though not pretty young lady,
she will, il she lives, be pretty old
one.
When a young lady marries wild
over she is said to have partaken OF
matrimonial hush," or "love warmed
over"
1T must be happy thought to a
liver that his blood aud that of bis
sweetheart minsle in the same mus
quito.
The attempt, says paper, to start
an asylum for useless young men failed
as no building could be constructed
large enough.
III do not say" remarked Mrs.
Brown, that Jones is thief but I
do say that il his farm joined mine I
wouldn't try to keep sheep"
A young lady, while on her way to
be married, was run over and killed. A
confirmed old maid savagely remarked
that she avoided more lingering and
horrible destiny.
"A woman is like ivy, the more you
are ruined the closer she clings to you.
An old bachelor adds: "Ivy is like
woman; the more it clings to you the
more you are ruined"
"A marrying bachelor anxiously
asks if it would be of any use to at
tempt to make love to young lady
after one has stood on her dress till he
could hear the gathers rip at her waist.
An awlully curious bore, learning
that a young lady was going to Lon
don, asked her what motive is taking
you thither?' IL believe they call it
loco motive, sir" was the innocent re.
ply.
Here is matrimonial advertise.
ment cut from a contemporary: "a
young lady of handsome exterior and
pleasant appearance, wishes to marry
gentleman of just the same way Of
thinking
An 1rishman, having jumped into
the water to save a man from drown.
ing, received a quarter from the person
as reward for the service. Looking
first at the money and then at him the
Inshman exclaimed, "I'm over paid
for the job! y
"A comparison.--"I never knew
; anything so bad as the short weight
you give me for my money" com.
: planned debtor to his grocer. LEX.
s ccpt the long wait you give me for
o mine!' was the reply.
d "A youth was lamentins to his father
the ordeal Of popping the question.
j "pooh" said the patriarch, chow do
, you suppose l managed?" "You
). needn't talk responded the young
- hopeful; you married mother, and
I've got to marry STANCE girl"
"A gentleman who had listened at
= tentively to long, diffuse, and highly
" ornamental prayer, was asked by one
of the members if he did not think their
minister was very gifted in prayer.
"Yes;" he replied, II think it as good
I Il prayer as was ever Offered to con
y greSation."
! AS train on the Wilmington and
II Delaware road reached Warsaw, N. c.,
the other day, Texas chap on board
n asked one of the settlers at the station,
q What kind of country have you
around here ?" ooh! we have very
IS nice country" was. the response; call
we lack is water and good society"
The Carolina man was somewhat COM
r forted by the assurance that hell had
e the same advantages.
n "A sagacious "court" down in
e Georgia has ruled that - bachelor is
the head of famil;," whereupon the
-, Albany Argus calculates, LET that
;, prosecuted individual, the unmarried
man, rejoice."' We doubt IL "the per.
secuted individual" will look upon this
- family decision in that light" 1t
NAV be true that some bachelors are
the "heads of families" but such usual.
/ y take great pains to conceal the fact.
vt They dom. like to assume the ''respon.
" sibilities.'
y An orator. appealing to the ''bonc
Is and sincw," said: "My friends, l am
proud to see around me the hardy yeo-
many of the laud for l love the agri-
. cultural interests of the country; and
well may I love them, fellow citizens,
for was born farmer; the happiest
days of my youth were spent in the
peaceful avocation of son of the soil
In fact, to speak fguratively, may say