The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-12-22
Trials of a Witness.

Mr. PUNCHINELLo As all people seem
to come to YOU with their troubles and
grievances, hope you will not refuse to
listen to my woes And whether they are
woes or not leave you to judge for your
self.
At the beginning of the week | made my
first appearance in any courtroom in the
character OF witness in the case Of Val
en,ine against Orson, in which the point
in dispute was the ownership of a tract of
land in Wyoming Territory. knew some
thing in regard to the sale of these lands,
and was fully prepared to testify TO the ex-
tent of my knowledge in the premises but
Judge OF my after surprise and horror on
being obliged to 60 through such an ordeal
as the following extracts from my eXami-
nation will Indicate;
The counsel for the plaintiff commenced
by asking me it | was a married man, and
when had answered that | was, he said
us your wife q believer in the princi-
pies of the Woman's Rights party?
| could not, iof the life Of ne see what
this had to do with the land in Wyoming,
but l answered that l was happy to say she
was not.
Tie examination .hen proceeded as fol
lows:
@ You are happy, then, in your matri
monial relations? \. le. Csnd renem-
bering the OATH, reasonably so.
Q. Is your wife pretty? \. (Witness
remembering at once his oath and his
wife's presence III court She is pretty
O. What are her defects? \. (Wiiness
remembering only his wife's presence)-I
have never been able to discover them
Q. Do you wear flannel? \ Yes, in
winter.
@. Can you testify upon your oath that
YOU do not wear flannel in summer? a.
| can.
Q. Now be careful in YOU answers.
What DO YOU wear in the spring and fall +:
A. II wear my common clothes.
@. With flannel or without flannel !?
4. Sometimes with, and sometimes with
out.
Q. Ne evasion; you must tell the court
exactly when you wear flannel, or when
you do not.
\ series Of questions on this subject
brought out the fact that ] wore flannel
when the weather was cold or cool and
did not wear it when it was mild or
warm.
G. Have you lightning rod on your
house? a. | have.
O. How much did it cost you to have it
put up: A. 1t has not cost ne anything
yeti owe for it.
e. Is that all YOU owe for: A. No l
have other debts
q: Have you any money with you now ?
A. | have
Q. How much? a. Counting contents
OF portmOnnaie) SiXty-twO cents.
Q. Where did YOU get that? \. with
embarrassment | borrowed il.
q. Were You present when defendant
first offered his land for sale to plaintiff:
/ y. (BrighteDing up was.
q. Have you ever been vaccinatedg a
have.
G. On which arm? A. The left.
q. ~ the time Of the first mention of
this land to plaintiff, who were present !?
\. Witness speaking with hopeful vivac-
ity, as if they were now coming to the
merits Of the case:) The plaintiff, the de-
PENDANT and myself
q. Do you use the Old Dominion cot
fee-pot in your house: q (Deiectedly.)
No, sir
q. What kind of a coffee pot do YOU
use? \. \ common tin ore.
Q. You ar willing to swear it was tin i.
y. | am.
Q. Has your wife any sisters \. She
has two, Anna and Jane
Q. Are they married? 4. They are.
Z. Are either of them as pretty as your
wife? y. CQuickly.) No, sir
e. Have You any children? A. Two.
=. Have they had the measles? y They
have.
.. Has any other person in your house
had the measles? y. / have had them,
and my wife has had them.
z. How do you know your wife has had
them? \. She told me SO.
e. Then You did not see her have them >
4 No, sir
q. We want no hcarsay evidence here
how can you swear that she has had them
when YOU did not see her have them? A..
| She told me so, and believed her
q. Did she take an oath that she had
them? A. No, sir.
/ e. Then, sir, you are trifing with the
court. DO you understand the obligations
of an oath: A. do.
g Beware, then, that you arc not com
mi'ted Tor perjury. Is your cas- meter ever
frozens A. Yes, sir
q: What do you use when the gas will
not burn. A. Candles.
y. How many to the pound? A. Nine
u How 10 you know there are nine Ia
the pound? A. They are sold as mines.
. Then you never weighed them your
self? A. No, sir.
Counsel to the Court: May it please
your Honor, this is the second time That
this witness has positively testified, under
solemn oath, to important points of which
he has no certain knowledge. | ask the
Court for protection for myself and my
client.
Here long discussion took place be
tween the lawyers and the Judge, and nj
the end of it the case was postponed for
Tour months. | suppose il is expected tina;
VIII then reascend the witness stand
but have determined that when | enter q
court room again shall appear as a crimi
nal These fellows have much the easiest
Tunes, and they run so little risk. now a.
days, that their position is far preferable 10
that of the unfortunate witness-P.,,.eh-