Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1870-06-26

Il ~ -.
BIZ THE AUTHOR OF ''s1MoN sUGGs"
| -4 a. 1ss
The collection of statistical information
concerning the resources and industry o.
the country, by the assistant marshall
who were employed to take the census
was very difficult work. The popular
impression, that tremendous tax woul(
SION follow, the minute investigation Of
the private affairs Of The people, caused
the census-taker TO be viewed in no bet
ter light than that of tax -gatherer; and
the consequence was, that the informa.
ton sought by him was either withheld
entirely or given with great reluctance.
The returns, therefore, made by. the mar
shals, exhibited a very imperfect view of
the wealth and industrial progress of the
country. In some portions of the coun-
try the excitement against the unfortunate
| officers-who were known as the fSchick-
en- n1en"--made it almost dangerous for
them to proceed with the business of tax
| ing the census; and bitter were the taunts,
threats and abuse which they received
ON all hands, but most particularly from
the old women of the country. The dear
old souls could not bear TO be catechised
about the produce of their looms, poultry
yards and diaries; dwhen they did 'scome
down" upon the unfortunate inquisitor,
it was with force and volubIlitY
that were sure to leave an impression.
We speak from cxpcrience,- and feeli lg,
on this subject; for il SO happened, that
the Marshal of the Southern District of
Alabama, Proposing especial confidencep
10 our ability, invested US one day with
all the powers of assistant Marshal. and
arming US with the proper quantity of
blanks, sent US forth to count the noses
of all the msu, women, children, and
chickens resident upon those nine hun
dred square miles of rough country which
constitute the county of Tallapoosa.
Glorious sport thought We; but it didn't
turn out so. True, we escaped without
any drubbings, although we came un-
pleasantly near catching a dozen, and only
escaped by very peculiar knsck we have
of ''sliding out" but then we were
quizzed, laughed at abused, and nearly
drowned. Children shouted s'Yonder
goes the chicken mani" Men said, eyes,
d-n him, he'll be after the taxes soon;
and the old women threatened, il he came
to inquire about their chickens, "to set
the dogs on him, while heyoung women
observed "they didn't know what man
wanted to be so partic'lar about gals
ages for, without he was gwine court
in" We have some "reminiscences of
our official peregrinations that will do to
laugh at now, although the occurrences
with which they are connected were, at
the time, anything but mirth inspiring to
U.s. sf-If
We rode up one day to the residence of
a widow rather past the prime of life
just that period at which nature supplies
most abuneantly the oil which lubricates
the hinges of the female tongue-and |
hitching 10 the fence, walked into the |
house.
''Good morning, madam said we, in
Cur usual bland, and somewhat insinua-
ting manner.
EtBTorning," said the widow gruffly.
Drawing our blanks from their case, we /
proceeded-'1 am the man, madam, that |
takes the census, and" |
''The mischief you are, said the old |
termsgant. 'TYes, I've healn of you;
Parson w. told me you was coming, and |
told him just what tell you, that if you
said cloth, soap llr Chickens to me,
I'd set the dogs on ye. Here, Bull! here, |
Pomp!" Two wolfish ours responded to
the call for Bull and Ponp, by comingto
the door, smelling at our feet with slight
growl, and then laid down on the steps.
'sNow," continued the old savage, ftthem's
Tho sevqrast dogs in this cnnntry = Last
week Bill Stonecker's two-year old steer
jumped my yard fence, and Bull and
Pomp tux him by the throat, and they
killed him afore my boys could break Fem
loose, to save the world" "
eyes, ma'am," said we, meekly; ''Bull |
and Pomp seem to be very fine dogs"
''You may well say that; what l tells
them to do they do-and if it was to sick
them on your old boss yonder, they'd
eat him up afore you could say Jack
Robinson. And its jist what shall do,
if you try to pry into my consarns. They
are none of your business, nor Van
Buren's nuther, 1 reckon. Oh, old Van
Banburen wish had you here, you
cid rascal I! I'd show you what-I'd-Pd
make Bull and Pomp show youhow to be
sendin' out men to take down what little |
stuff peoples got, jist to tax it when its
taxed enough a'ready!"
Al this time we were perspiring
through fear of the fierce guardians of
the old widows portal. At length, when
the widow paused, we remarked that as
she was determined not to answer ques-
lions about the produce of her farm, we
would just set down the age, sex, and
of each member of her family.
'fNo SIGH q thing-you'n do no SIGH
hing" said she; ''I've got five in family,
and that's sll you'll git from me-. Old
Van Buren, must have heap to DO, the
irotted old villyan, to send you to take
Town how old my children is. I've got
i've in my family, and they are all be-
.ween five and hundred years old; they
ire all plaguy sight whittier than you,
md whether they are he or she, is none
If you consarns.
We told her we would report her to the
Marshal, and she would be fined, but it
,nly augmented her wrath.
Eyes send your marshal, or your Mr..
Van Buren, here, if you're bad off to-let
EN- come-let Mr.. Van BGren come
cooking as savage as Bengal tigress-
'Oh, wish he would come"-and her
lostrils dilated, and her eyes cleaned
I'D cut his head off, ..
''That might kill him." we ventured to
by way of joke.
'Kill himl kill him-oh if had him
here by the years reckon l would kill
him. A pretty fellow to be eating his
7ittals out'n gold spoons that pore peo-
Dle's taxed for and raisin an army to get
him made king of Ameriky-the oudaci-
1us, nasty, sinking old scamp" She
paused a moment and then resumed,
itAnd now, mister, jist put down what
ell you on that paper, and don't be tell
ng DO lies to send to Washington city.
list put down Judy Tompkins, ageable
woman, and four children.
We objected to making any such entry,
put the old bag vowed it should be done,
% prevent any misrepresentation of her
Ease. We, however, were pretty resolute
until she appealed to the couchant whelps,
Bull and Pomp At the first glimpse of
heir teeth our courage gave way, and we
made the entry in bold hand across q
blank schedule-"Judy Tompkins, age