Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1870-05-13
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

EVERY card-player knows good deal.
"THE weigh of the world-short
weight .afiI
A LEAP in the Dark-Jumping down
coal mine.
THE bow of ship is not evidence of its
politeness
DIsAGREEABLE and impertinent-Ruin
staring person in the face.
Punch thinks that mill race comes IN
der the head of aquatic sports.
If man makes a beast of himself at
dinner, does he become the lion of the
party? P-.r
THERE is a man in town 30 bashful
that he seldom gets acquainted with the
facts.
THE Washington is purely mutual, and
divides its profits among its policy holders
only.
WHEN man becomes wreck by in
temperance, you will generally find that
wreck high and dry. -r,..,-rr
INDIAN corn alone will keep man
from starving, because he can always
make good meal of it.
A MISERABLE old bachelor observes that
he looks under the marriage head for the
uGWS VI IuC Wcdh.
WHY is man lifting side of bacon of
hook to be pitied Because he's a poor
creature (pork reacher).
WHAT is the difference between DON
key and the only empire in South Ameri-
ca ? The one brays well and the other
Brazil.
GONE thing" said an old topper, was
never seen comm through the rye an
that's the kind O. whisky one gets nova
days"
How much do you earn yearly9 Death
will stop all income. Provide for it by
insuring in the Washington Life Insur-
ance Co., of New York.
CHIEF ENGINRER McLAUGHIN, of Mil
waukee, asserts that table spoonful OF
sulphur thrown into replace will ex-
tinguish the heaviest fire that may be
burning in the chimney. n f1a
THE Greatest Joiner-The lawyer, he
can place tenant, ernpannd jury, b0J a
witness, bore the court, chtSeL client
dugur the gains, floor a witness, cut his
board, nail the case, hammer the desk, fill
his bill, and ShaUe a whole community.
"WHAT is your business ?" asked judge
of prisoner at the bar. "Well, ] s'pose
you might call me locksmith. "When
did you work at that businessP "Lasi
night, when l heard the call for the per
lice, an made bolt for the area door,"
A CITIZEN of Kings County, ireland
recently had his nose cut off by band ol
rutfians, and naturally thought that he
was horribly disfgured for life. A Dub
| lin surgeon, however, thought otherwise
and has succeeded in forming new nose
from the flesh and skin of the forehead
which is declared to look far better than
the old one.
SAID loving wife to her husband
"Will you never learn, my dear, the diff
ference between real and exchangeablt
value?" The husband, tired of political
economists in petticoats, replied; "Ah
yes, my dear; know your great learning
and many virtues. That's your real value
But know also that none of my married
friends would swapwives with me. That's
your exchangeable value"
THE story going the rounds of the little
boy who refused to pray for his brother
"because he killed my little kitten this
morning." reminds an exchange of an
other little fellow, who, after repeat
ing the Lords Prayer, was accustomed
! to extemporize, which on one occasion he
did thus "Please, God, bless papa and
|
OF, you may bless Aunt Effie, but don't
much care"
IN school examination, lady appeal
ed to the self consciousness of the children,
and tried to teach them little about their
senses. They knew they saw and heard
but it was a revelation to them that they
saw with. eyes and heard with ears SO the
lady said to them: You have noses,
what are they. for9" There. was o. dead
silence, and at last one adventurous ur-
chin replied: ."Please, ma'am, to be
wiped" .,-'
A MAN with four wives was brought be.
fore Hans Swarthart, a Mohawk Justice,
for commitment on the charge of bigamy.
"FOur vifes 2" exclaimed the astonished
Hans, four vifesY dat vas most hino,
cious crimesl Diseharch him at vonst. II
"WhyY" protested the prosecutor, "why
discharge him when the proof is pos
Tive? Will the Court explain 2" eyes,
eckshplains OFF he lifs NIT four vifes
he got punishment enough. lif NIT Won,
and / got too much punishment al
ready" ..... t..-.y
THE following are the "deadly sins, u
as viewed by an editor
/. Boring him when he is writing.
2. Boring him when he is not writing.
3. Reading his exchanges without per
mission.
A. Asking permission to read his ex'
changes. #
5. Hooking his scissors when the devil
is clamoring for " original" matter.
o. Laying profane hands on his proofs
7. Asking him who "X" or "Quidnupe
is or Q In o Coroner" H.