The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1870-03-04
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- Backbitsrs-fisas.
A golden age coinage.
- Spring steck-rubber goods.
STEADY on his psgs--a shoemaker.
- Safe place tor tempest-in a
teapot.
A thorn in the bush is worth
two in the hand.
- Why is prosy preacher like the
middle of wheel? Because The fellows
around him are tired.
-"I cam near selling my boots
the other day." said Jones 10 a friend.
show SOP" "Well, | had them half
sold"
- hoo fly. don't bodder me- Is
the exclamation of debtors nowadays,
whLn the collector comes buzzing a.
round after his stamps.
~ What animal is that has the head
of a cat, and the tail OF a clt. and the
ways of cat, and yet which isn't a cat ?
A kitten.
"Mrs. Dobson, where's your
husband 2" "IIe's dying marin, and |
don't wish anybody to disturb him."
Considerate woman that.
- An exchange announces that n
girl in Topsham, Me-. recently died
because her blood turned to sugar.
ave know girl who ifsweetness were
fatal could not live minute"
-Punch's "He smoie n gashtly
smile," and "Many a wink he wunk,"
have been .mitatee by a minstrel wit
who said: "You sneezed snoze, and
said | snoze it,"
The Hartford Courant tar talizes
its readers with this atrucity: Have
you heard of the man who got shot?
Got shot No; how did he get shot?
lie Dough. 'em.'
'sWill you take something 2"
said teetotaller to his friend. when
standing near tavern. II don't care
If | do" was the reply" "Weli," said
Frank, "let us take a walk"
- Dean Swift he ring Of carpen-
ter falling through the sciffolding of
house which he was engaged to repair
ing, drily remarke d thas he liked to
see mechanic go through his work
promptly.
- A lot OF niggers were baptized
at Savannah last Sunday, during a
heavy shower of rain. They were con-
Quoted TO the middle of the stream, and
covered with umbrellas, because they
didn't believe in sprnkling.
Dear SOMEONE home; a rolling
stone gathers no moss. Lucy Mug
gins.
Dear Mother-Comc to Texas; a set
ting hen never gets fat. John Mug
gins.
- A friend of ours saw in O New
York paper an advertisement In which
the advertiser promises to send upon
receipt of two dollars u certain cure
for dyspepsia. He enclosed two dol
lars without further ado. and in due
time received the following answer:
New YORK. Sep. Z, so.
DEAR SlR:--G o to work and let whis.
key, tobacco and coffee alohe.
Respectfully yours.
An illiterate negro preacher
said to his congregation My bredren,
when de fust man Adam wac made. ne |
was OBJ wet clay anu set up agin de |
pallngs to dry.
Do YOU say, said one of the eongrega- |
ton, dat Adam was made oh wet clay, |
and Sc: up agin de palings to dryg
Yes sar.
Who made de paIings?
Sit down, sar, said the preacher
sternly. such questions as dat would
upset and system of theology.
"A good story is told of Tioga
county merchant who agreed to take a
farmer 's-oats at forty esnts bu~hcl
II the latter would let him tramp the
measures when filed. Tho farmer a.
greed to it. The buyer paid for sixty
Bushels and next day went after them.
The farmer filed the half bushel, and
the merchant got in and trampled them
down, Whereupt n the farmer poured
the oats so compressed into the bag.
The merchant protested and demand
ed lat the measure should be filled up
after tramping. The farmer informed
him that there was no agreement of
that sors, but that he might tramp
down the oats to his hearts content
after they were measured.
The repeated disasters during
the racing week on the New Orleans
Shell Road we're lnlicrously Illustrat-
ed by the misfOrtunes of nice young
man. lie had taken his dplcineaont. |
and was showing her how to make
'two-!orty on the shell when his lines
accidentally broke, and the youth fuml
bled backwards over the seat. the heel
oi MS ooot bdhRiHG IN the Iauf cflu0- |
llne. and his holy dragged along in
this way by the increased and danger
Gus speed OF the horses. The lady had
grasped the dashboard and holding on
for dear life, while supporting the
dragging weight 0f her beau.
'Ho fast !! he cried. in terror.
Let go. rou brute = she screamed.
Il can't y he mumbled.
Amid scream and cry and bitter mp
the h ,rses dashed along until
at last some kindly hand checked
their speed. and the unfortunate pleas
we're relieved from their
situation.
How dare YOU do that? tho lady
asked OF her escort Indignantly.
do what !?
Hold on to my dress inIthat way
WAS that your drsss?'
tYas (,