The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-10-08
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

We are proud to say that all are not SO miserly
as was the husband above newfoundland much
The Kendall Record complains of the census
taker of that county not giving them population
enough. They had 1900 in 1860. and only r.
sos in 1870. Well, who's to blame--the mar
shall or the people?
1t leaks out that G-eeley's defeat in the Gu
bernatorial Convention procured by the
managers Of the state lunatic asylum, who deem
his what know of Farming articles Of
the chief sources of the steady increase in the
population of that institution.
The census taker in Missouri has found one
unmarried woman who ackno wledged to the age
OF thirty! He wrote heroine opposite her
name--Er
Yes but he die know she had just been di-
vorced from her fourth husband
An editor of Joliet says che lately witnessed
brilliant display of Aurora borealis."
Can't fool us that way. We saw the same
thing up there one afternoon. 1t was most par
ticularly bright, as we were pouring down some
Joliet whisky.
Greeley joins in the hope that the European
war, and the hate thereby engendered against
France will abolish the dance known as the "can
can" throughout the world.
The Ypsilanti Sentinel says that w0uld be a
great blessing; and something to abolish old
Greeley continual rnn', rent would be great
err one.
a red bat was recently captured in Chicago
saloon iustafter an Instruction had been quelled.
1t was brick-bat.
The Cambridge Democrat regrets that it has
become settled fact, chat person elected to
Office should be permitted to make a fortune out
of 1t that now, when man reaches that
pitch of heroic patriotism, when he sacrifices all
personal feelings and magnanimously lays him.
self upon his countrys official altar, he consoles
his conscientious scruples with the prospective
spoils.
holders.
a Nevada man was bitten by Scorpion which
didn't hurt him much, but he nearly died of de.
lirium tremens from drinking whiskey to cure 1t.
That tellow was determined TO counteract the
poison of the scorpion or die in the attempt.
- The Rockford Register boasts that there were
10000 people in that city one day during the
fair, and not one of them was intoxicated.
Reason why-tAe editor of that paper must
have been too drunk to count EN-, either sober
or drunk.
Two Indignant females have committed das.
tardly outrage on a Texas editor by smearing
his face with printers ink, and what makes him
feel worse about it is tie fact that it was his
own ink, and cost him twenty cents per pound.
The Aurora Beac9n Of the 29th ult. says:
Monday was II dark day for Aurora. Full
300 colorei citizens from Chicago were in town
on picnic.
Did the colored cusscs from Africa have
good time:
Capt, Parker, formerly editor of the Wenona
Index, recently postmaster of that city, has
"fung up his commission, and is now running
aropublican paper at Amboy, in this state.
Does he secl; for another post office in the lat
ter city,
Two friends some years married and widely
separated lately exchanged kilograms, thus
"To---. All we'll. We have two pairs of
twins. How is that for high9" 40. We
have three little girls Three of kind beats
two pairs:"
We know of an editor who has been married
tuelre years and hasn't any twins, pairs or other.
wise How's that for low
Tilton nomiuates Fred Douglas for Vice Pres.
ldent on the ticket with Grant lie evidently
wants to make it look as dark as possible for
Grunt-CoSm0p0!itGD
That's a SANDER on Grant. lie won't be there
lie will be at Saratoga, enjoying his endles,
pleasures" sitting under the shade, drinking
cocktail, every fifteen minutes, and wondering
if it isn't time to take another"
A western merchant is down on the nswspa.
psfs. Ho says Thur an't no sens in moo.
paper advertising so long as a man is smart enuf
to tend to his own biznz, and kin stand at the
doro and holler the felers in
The japanese clergy pause every fifteen min
u.es in their discourse, and say to their oongre
cation, Let us have a smoke"
If that clergy-ist would come along her
ana add to the above, "Lets take drink" h
would draw crowded houses "every time!"
The Misses Woodruff and Claims newspape
advocates womea's rights or lioensing "bs,
houses" They mean victory or death
young lady declares that her pretty fee
and ankles enable her to get up s,dirs.-Er.
Didn't believe word of it!
Black republican demagogues arc last in wa,
last in peace, but first in the pockets of thei
countrymen-Ey.
We do believe this!