The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1870-02-11
A Good Story We'll Told.
How Rev. ]. HYATT SMITH CHASED
A LOCOMOTIVE.

| depot, centrally situated, with It's east
ern and western entrances exactly alike
as much so as the two ends of the car.
After we had dined, the depot master
informed us that we had seventeen min
utes to spare before the departure of
the eastern train. This, thought l, will
give me an opportunity to see the city,
and a glorious chance for Il smoke, pro-
vided clergyman could be tempted
into such a piece of worldly and waste
full amusement. / sauntered forth, and
after an absence of exactly thirteen min
utes, having enjoyed a delightful and
soothing stroll, was returning, watch
In hand, when, to my astonishment,
beheld the train slowly gliding out of
the other end Of the depot, and increas-
ing its speed at every pull of its gigan-
tic locomotive. Here, indeed, was q
"call" that admitted neither correspon-
dence nor delay; there was no time for
| taking it into consideration. So,
without comforting with flesh or blood,
j put off like sky-rocket with doub-
lie fuse. For moment thought had
il all my own way; l thought l was
gaining ground, although knew was
losing wind. was encouraged in the
race by sundry helpful fellows who
kept crying out as passed "Go it, gait.
ers !" "plucky boy! !" she aint left, o
not! and other woll-meaning and be-
nignant eXhortations. Though they
l
intended, perhaps, helping me over the
| course, l found that the more they
shouted the less inclined was to run,
and the more decidedly did the locomo.
tive make terrible headway against me.
To give up the chase; to submit to the
chagrin of being left; to lose my party
and my passage; to meet with disap-
pointmcnt and not TO meet with friends
all this was bad enough; but the thought
OF rencOuntcring, all the way back to
the depot, that line of interested indi-
viduals who with their cheering excla-
nations had so feelihgly encouraged
me on my outward journey, this was
the bitterest pill in this unexpected
dose. But it must be done, so tapering
off gradually l gave up the contest and
turned back to meet my fate, and-if 1
could find him-the depot master whose
laundering statements were the cause
of all my trouble. Without search that
individual advanced to greet me with
the bland recognition of a fact that no
one could well deny, "Well, you got
left, did you?' replied only with o
resentment of "silencing eye." If 1
looked as l tried to look, my phota-
graph taken at that instant would hard
ly be chosen to grace an album gallery
of "eminent divines." Several bystand-
ers seeking information, asked, with a
show of confidential interest in my case
on what wise the thing had happened?
and others wishing "to point moral"
advised me to abe on hand little ear
lier next time" With returning breath
relief and words came together, and 1
squarely charged the railroad official
with all the blame. l spoke of his in
competency, in no measured terms, re-
calling how that after had placed my
party in the car he had assured me that
there were full seventeen minutes to
spare before the train went out; "while
here" said ], with triumphant exhi.
bition of my watch, "the seventeen
minutes are even now barely up, and
yet the train is gone and out of sight"
After no little hot shot cast back and
forth, with the usual variations and
final perorations of ''you did and you
didn't" "you're another" ETC.. i asked
him whether would be risking anoth-
er chance of being left if l depend upon
him to give me the exact hour of the
departure of the nert Eastern train.
"Easte ~ exclaimed he. eyes, East
ern." replied /, with decided upward
and sarcastic infection. "Why," quoth
he, "the train you've just been chasing
with such poor luck wasn't an Eastern
train, but the IJtstefn Express" With
much and increasing confusion and ex-
citement ! stammered out. "Then
where in Joppa is the Eastern train ~
"Why, there it is" replied he, 'Just
getting under way at the other end of
the depot; leg it, or you'll lose Mot."
| IL ever / did make Dexter time, made
ii then. I passed right through that
depot like the wind. felt rs if | was
all legs. One glance, however, at the
rear door Of the last car, as was near
ing it, came near being too much for
me. discovered the group Of my long
lost friends, whose forms and faces
seemed bursting with poorly.suppress-
ed and ill-timed mirth. AS | reached
safely the platform, the fire that open
ed upon me could only be equalled for
its merciless effect by the fire in the
rear, from which / had providentially
fled. | heard jibes, and jokes, and
jeers; l heard the hoarse laughter of
full-chested men, and the hysterical
efforts of mirth. exhausted women They
had all witnessed my chase after the
wrong train; now fearful lest indeed l
should overtake it, and then rejoiced at
my evident lack of what jockeys call
"bottom," as my speed began to slack
en- and my chances with the locomo-
tive began to grow "small" by degrees
and beautifully less. They had witness.
ed the "blowing up" administered the
depot master, the strange procrastina-
ton in starting for the right train, UNI
til AT length it had actually started and
had entered upon second "stern
chase" Then they feared | was left
again, as they looked with breathless
interest at the unequal contest of legs
rersus locomotive. They had wit
messed my fihal triumph, but how grace
fully l was welcomed, and with what
feelings l received their peculiar con-
gratulations, leave my hearers to inn
agine.