The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-11-19
I'm the wrong Pew.

as gay and festive fellow a few evenings
since made sorry mistake whilst sally
ing forth on visit to see his fair en-
amorant, a young lady residing on the
Island. 1t seems lie has become quite
enamored with a pretty, chubby, and
petite lassie, whose sole ambition is to
reign supremely over the culinary de
partment at the residence of one of our
most worthy citizens, residing on the
Island as aforesaid. The young man
whose bibulous proclivities, had led him
to indulge excessively in the product Of
brewed hops, and believing the teutonic
maxim, that "beer enervates but wont
intoxicate," relying upon the verify of
the assertion, kept constantly a stream
of the nectared sweets, going down,
down, down, and every glass he thought
himself better man. In this state Of
blissful extremity, which it soon became
to be, his thsughts naturally, like all
true lowers, reverted to his love and
former pleasures. So sallying forth
when the sable curtain had
scarce been drawn around the head
of earth, he took his serpentine course
to the domicil of his devoted
with hurried steps and slow, and slow
and hurried steps, till he reached the
....o. 80 tla pronarv store nj Mr.
Campbell, where he anchored some
moments, recuperating his wasted ener-
gies, preparatory to the grand entree into
the basement of the little cottage, which
enclosed all in this wide, wide world
that was dear to Robert The cottages
which adorn that portion of the island
are contagious, and bear marked re-
semolance. The similarity, indeed, is
very apt to lead even the most observ-
ant into the wrong house. After sollli-
quizing on the affairs Of the heart his
private cogitations led him to believe in
a forward movement. Gazing ever and
anon at the little cottage, his love be-
came so Intensified that he was full Of Il,
as full as stumpsucking horse Of
wind. O,pard is the word. Cutting
loose from his moorings, he dashed
recklessly forward. Coming to the gar
den gate, it quickly yielded to his de
mands, and with forward lunge, and
with the elasticity of gazelle and pom
derosity OF butting- ram, he bounded
down the narrow alley, waited on the
breeze" Striking the culinary door
with crash which shook the cot
tage rom tnrret to foundation, in
went the door and in went the lover.
The proprietor, whose acute instincts led
him to believe a Young earthquake was
.ermcnting in his kitchen, huriedly
made his debut But 10 there, >pread
ali o er the tlo)r, lays the gentle Robert,
sparring with his extremities "He
heaved and sot and sot and heaved, and
high his rudders flung, and every time
he sot and heaved the drunken he be-
come" Perfectly astounded was the
worthy gentleman Of the tenement at
this unwarranted assertion of squatter
rights and demanded most imperatively
what was his business here. You are
certainly in the wrong house sir mo
ain't sir; walk right sir; am always
right sir. Does not my Mollie live
here?' No sir, she lives next door sir.
By this time the contageon had caught
and in moment stood by his side his
own Mollie, his angel, for she really
did appear angelic as he gazed upon her
through his aqueous optics. "Oh, Bob
bv, what on earth is the matter with
you ?" 81 am welly well" quoth Rob.
ert. when did you move, my darling?
ooh, Bobby, you have got in the
wrong house," saith the dear.
The proprietor, who had been gazing |
intently upon the picture, sat down his
carbon luminary and, with tranquil
feelings, requested Mollie to persuade,
if possible, and with their united physi-
cal exertions they might remove the
obstacle and from the internal commo-
ton and outward symptoms, which he
was not slow in observing, it was very
evident that the young man desired to
bring up his shoe pegs, and he strenu-
ously objected to his hosting them
there. The passionate pilgrim was
erected" by kind hands, but swayed
to and fro like great monarch in a
hurricane. He was very Bobby and
would not 60 without his "Mollies"
word. Dear entreaties soothing words
and dove-like glances at last prevailed,
and Robert was induced to return TO
the city, accompanied by his own
sweetness, (near the hour when
grave-yards yawn") and arm in arm they |
took their solitary way. Arriving at the
most dangerous point on the bridge, the
demon again took possession OF Robert
and seli-destruction was determined
on; the world was blank; his heart
was broken; no one to love, none to
caress lone, lone creetur was he; he
would now seek the reality Of a future
world. He drew forth stogie, Wheel |
ng's pride; gazing intently on it, he
handed it to his beloved enjoining that
she should keep that in remembrance
of me-" your Robert, who loves you |
and will soon leave you. Divesting
himself OF his supernuous, apparei, ne
stood between heaven and earth, on
that chilly November night. There
stood he, daring TO face eternity. By |
his side stood his angel. Frenzied by
his unnatural imagination he, with one
prodigious bound, landed his ghostly |
figure astride the cable, and there he
stuck He wouldn't go if he could any |
further. He continued to stick. Scream
after scream rose on the Silly night
Providence heard that female wall Of
lamentation and sent, in the person OF a
well known gentleman, the necessary
relief Grasping the subject 10y that
portion which would insure the best
grip and naturally uppermost, he
hauled in his load of mortality. Causes
and circumstances being explained, the