The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-10-06
WIT AND NUMOR.

then you may be sure there Is one the
less rascal in the world.
1t was a woman who first prompt
ed man TO eat, bet he took to drink on
his own account afterward.
Preceding the list of marriages,
Chicago paper says: "The following is
list Of future candidates for divorce"
AN innocent writer informs us that
mankind embraces woman He would
be queer kind of a man who did not
After all, there are only two sorts
Of disease, says French doctor-of
one of which you die, and the other of
which you don't.
-"Of she goes!" said Mr. Smith
to his spouse, as they started by the
railway. "You are wrong" said Mrs
Smith, "for this is the mail train"
"A lazy man accounted for the fact
that he could not rise early in the morn
ing by saying that he could make up
his mind to rise early, but could not
make up his body.
"A New York paper, doubtless wri-
ting from experience, says that man,
the morning after he has been drunk
with wine, feels as though he had tho
rheumatism in every hair of his head.
The use of Il comma is sometimes
important. Alta banquet this toast was
given: "Woman--w without her, man is
a brute" 1t was printed: "Woman
without her man is brute"
There is q sort of grim humor in
the address of a devout deacon to his
newly settled pastor. as he gave his
usual welcome: "The Lord keep you
humble, and we'll keep you poor
AN experienced physician has dis.
covered in the course of a long and va
ricd practice thai every one wishes to
90 to heaven, but that most people are
willing to take a great deal of very dis
agreeable medicine first
An old farmer says the best way
! for a young city chap who wants to be-
come an agriculturst, is to hire out to
some farmer for couple of years, and
then marry his daughter who knows
how to raise chickens and make panta.
looms.
A ccnsus-taker recently asked
servant girl in the vicinity of Boston
how many regular boarders there were
in the house. She informed him that
there were fifteen boarlers in all, "but
, no more'n four of 'em is steady; the
rest is Methodists."
"A green academy student, being
t required to write composition in his
\ regular course of study, commenced
thus: at is rather difficult and pretty
near impossible to communicate to 9TH
ers those ideas whereof we ourselves
= are not possessed" Not SO green.
u -" There is two ways Of doing it,"
I said Pat to himself, as he stood musing
and waiting for q job on the street cor
ner. elf 1 save $4,000, l must lay up
5000 year for twenty years, or l can
put away $50 year for two hundred
+ years. Now, which way will I 10 it?'
Said Baptist to Methodist, 81
don't like your church government; it
isn't simple enough. There is too
much machinery about it." cit is
true" replied the Methodist, Eve have
more machinery than you; but then
you see it don't need near so much wa.
ter to run it,"
An old topper, on being taken to
task by some Of his neighbors for his
b opposition to a temperance movement
\ in the village in which he resided, re
f torted that their accusations we're I'M
o just, for he had made greater personal
efforts to put down liquor than any of
them.
s During the long French war two
old ladies in Stlamsaer were going to
:, the kirk; the one said to the other:
r "Was it not wonderful thing that the
Breetish were always victorious over
the French in battle ?" mot Bit"
4 said the other old lady; "dinna ye ken
the Breetish say their prayers before
going rto battleY' The other replied
''But cannot the French say their pray
ers as well2" The reply was most
J. characteristic: "Hoot, jabbering bod
e les, who could understand themg'
"A matter-of fact poetical genius
. says: overheard moOnstruck chap
;. the other day remark that he loved q
certain young lady well enough to die
for her. Now love somebody very
much, and
I'D swear for her
I'D tear for her,
Y Tho ord EpNvs whot Tsd hans Sor hos 4,