Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-03-18
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

HANDY VoLpMEs-P ocket- books.
A PIoUs Young Lady-The church
BELIZE svEv~Fyf rsr(
SOMETHING to weep over-A bushel of
onions. -A
WHEN cat sings, does she do it on pur
puss i? ~
PLEADING at the Bar-Begging for a
drink
THE most difficult thing to remember
the poor.
The moaning of the tied-A husbands
grum bling.
TROUBLES are like babies; they grow
bigger by nursing.
WHEN is the most suitable time to get
married april 1. ... s.4
WHAT ship is always laden with knowl-
edge Scholarship.
AN actor ought to be a happy man; his
work is all play.
dicted-The mirror,
BE contented with your lot-especially
II it is on a corner.
WHEN are gloves unsuitable ?-When
they are kept on hand
HIGH living that does not produce the
gout-Living in garnet.
EVERY Stakeholder is interested in the
success of the Washington Life.
WHO is the largest man g-The lover;
he is man of tremendous signs.
A GOOD protection against misfortune
A Policy in the Washington Life.
WHY do thieves lead comfortable life?
they take things easy.
MEN of regular habits-Those who get
drunk every morning before breakfast
AN exchange paper says: "'Truth' is
in type, but is crowded out by more inn
portant matter"
Why would Sampson have made an
excellent actor because he could SO
easily bring down the house.
How do people manage to sleep on
spring mattress all through the winter p
Judy.
THE old gentleman whose memory car
ried him long way back is requested to
return to his disconsolate friends.
A WIT once asked peasant what part
he performed in the great drama of life.
" mind my own business" was the reply.
:" Is that clock right over there asked
a visitor the other day. Fright over
there" said the boy; "'taint nowhere
else"
AS continued health is vastly preferable
to the happiest recovery from sickness, so
is innocence superior to the truest repent
ance. r-
LET us remove temptation from the
path OF youth" as the frog said when he
plunged into the water, upon seeing boy
pick up stone.
A NEAR-sIGHTED man walked off the
bridge into the Kennebec river, and upon
being miraculously saved, was "darnation
glad he didn't lose his cane and Specs"
AN exchange says that the only people
in Washington who mind their own bust
ness are such young married pairs as hap
pen to be spending the honeymoon at the
hotels.
THERE is an old lady in Lynchburg, Va,
who says she made pair of stockings last
fifteen years by merely knitting feet to
them every winter, and legs every other
winter.
A sCHooLMAsTER asked one of his
scholars. in the winter time, what was the
Latin for cold. "Oh," answered the lad,
81 forget at this moment, although have
it at my finger ends"
A SETTING SPEECH.--A lady wished a
seat. A portly, handsome gentleman
brought one and seated the lady. ooh!
you're Jewell" said she. cob! no." he
replied, am jeweler; have just set
the jewel"
" IT is a sad moment in life," said Cynic,
when you find that love, glory, happi
ness, are, altogether, not worth good
cigar" cit is sadder moment still" re-
piled his friend, when you find that the
cigar itself is bad"
AN urchin, hearing his father read an
article in the paper in relation to new
invention of bricks of glass, exclaimed !:
!" Glass bricks?. I know what them is"
"What are they?" inquired one of the
family. "Tumblers of liquor" said the
juvenile.
Eva" Mamma, what is gosling?"
Mamma" A little goose, dear" Eva
" And duckling?" Mamma" A little
duck, dear" Eva-"Then is an inkling
a little ink? Because if it is I've got an
inkling on my n."-Fms.
THE father of Dorabella recently found
that little girls chubby little hands full
OF the blossoms of a beautiful tea-rose, on
which he had bestowed great care. "My
DEAR" he said, didn't l tell you not to
pick one of those flowers without leave ?''
eyes, papa" said Dorabella, "but all
these had leaves?" ..-
"JosH," inquired a new importation
from the old country, "does the sun never
rise in the West?" Never" said Josh.
You don't say so, Josh? Well, you
won't catch me going out West, if it's al
ways night there I have cousin out
there who is always Boosting how pleasant
it is there; but | suspect it's all moon
shine"
LIVER AND LIGHTS
Two friends were riding by house
Fast tumbling to decay,
Whose open doors and broken panes
Revealed no face of clay
80 Said one, 1.-THE liver has gone out;
Judge from all these sights"
AYE cried the other, merriy,
The Liver and the Lights!'
@ SINCE the story has been told of how
Judge Breckenridge married girl whom
he saw jump over rail fence with pail
on her head, the girls in Orange county,
N. Y, are said to spend their time in
watching the road and whenever they
see carriage approaching with a man in
it, they seize their pals and go for fence
ALEXANDER T. STEWART says: "He
who invests one dollar in business should
invest one dollar in advertising" Robert
PO,par cove INV cy1ooacc 10 oxxr;,,nr 70 ,,,1r