Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1870-04-01
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

IL increases bhelr signs WOnuerlully. Il
THE newest definition of "evergroen VI
is " a man who does not learn by exper-
ence." =.
A GOOD man provides for his children.
A policy In the Washington Life is'one
way to doit.
MAKE yourself agood man, and then
you may be sure that there is one less ras-
cal in the world. q G. !
THE kind of locksmithing. that can be
done in the shortest possible time--Mak'
ing bolt tor the door,
A PORTLAND club has the following
question proposed-for discussion: ACan-
a big man'ache harder than a little man ?"
II you want policeman it's ten to one
you won't find HING butif you don't want
him, it's ahundred to one he aoiU find youIl
THE washington Life Insurance Com
pany is one of the strongest safest, most |
successful, and best managed corporations
in New York. - 49, Il
.FoNTENE1IE thus daintily compares
women and clocksa The latter serve to
point out the hours, the former to make us
forget them.s@ %
PuNNfNd.ga
If Ewere punished - ~.
For every pun shed,
could not lind puny shed
81 af4. To hide my punished head.
THE word state spelled backward is
etats; but tits not safe, as a regular thing,
to undertake to learn French simply by
going back on your English. 49,
NEVER throw stone, at any one until
| you have looked to see whether there is a
window behind, oryou may have to pay
rather dearly for your revenge. o..
WHY is,a lawyer the most ill used man
in our social system Because, though
| he may drive. his own carriage, he must
draw the conveyarcess other people.
"WHY did Joseph's brethren put him
in pit ?"saaked Buffalo Sunday hool
teacher. And the reply he got was, " Be-
cause there was no room for him in the
family cirole.p :
AN afflicted husband was returning
from the. funeral of his wife when a
! friend asked him howhe was. Well, !"
said he pathetically, think feel better
for that little walk" -.
The agent for a%patent coffin says in
his cireulag:-r Undertakers who have
used it pronounce tia perfect success, and
we ask youte try it, free of charge, and
Judge for yourself"
NEVER quarrel with your wife, as you
will only have to make it up, and pay for
the reconciliation in the shape of season
ticket at the opera,a trip to-the springs,
silk dress, or q cashmere shawl.
"WELL,~ Bridget, if'I engage you,
shall want you to stay at home whenever
l wish to go-eut" ~"Well, ma am, Ihave
no objections" said Bridget, "proVidin'
you do the same when'I wish to go out. "
AT teachers institute at the East, re
Gently, a lady teacher was given the word
hazardous to spell and define, and did it
in this style: 8" H,a-z, haz, ard, ard,
e-double-si esT, hazardess-a female haz-
ard" ~
THE proprietor of forge, not remark
able for correctness of language, but who
: by honest Industry had realized com
Portable independence, being called on at
a social meeting for toast, gave "Suc'
,, cess to forgery" @
How do you like the character Of st
, Paul?" asked a person of hls landhdy
! during a conversation about the apostles
/ "Ah he was good old soul, for he once
) said, you know, that we must eat what is
set before us, and ask no questions. for
conscience sake" @
p A LITTLE boy in Hudson, N. Y, on re
4 turning homo from church, was asked by
his mother to give the text. After 6
u InOuBniui IJhuSt, INC llIIic lCllOW Icp1lcu
II don't hardly rcinembcf,- but it-was
{ something about a hawk between two
;. | pieeons.n The text was, "Why halt W
D between two opinipns?"
9 "DEFiNE the difference in meaning be
n tween experimental philosophy and ratu
raj philosophy" said aschoolmistress,no
s long since, TO one of the most t0raoagd o
o her pupils. ~" Why, miss, ,"sreplied the
girl, experimental philosophy is ou
l. asking you to give us halfholiday, an(
g uatural philosophy is you saying, Dom
d you wish you may get III
y "TICKET, sir" said a railroad conductor
I, passing through one Of the trains, thu
U other day, to q passenger. "My face il
e my ticket" replied the other, a httlt
a vexed. "Indeed! ~ said the conductor
r rolling back his wristband, and display
I, hing most formidable bunch of fives
K "Well, my orders are to punch all ticket
passing over this road"
d A MASSACHUSETTS, paper says; som
of the queerest passages ever put in
U town report may be found in that of tn
e last annual of the Greenfield Selectaaen
u They announce that the town farm ant
d almshouse have been carried on the pas
o year to our reasonable satisfaction. Espe
9 cially the almshouse, at which there ha
s. been an unusual amount, of sickness anC
l, three deaths.' ~
ls AT an EXAMINATION one day in schoo
g the teacher-pnnished a boy for bad gram
y mar, and Immediately after requested hin
: to call another boy, whereupon he shout
= ed at the top of isVoice A common
= substantive of the masculine gender sill
u u ting perched on an eminence in an angr,
u u mood wishes to articulate few sentence
= = to You at the present tense"
4 THE first line of hymn given out at
e prayer meeting so excited the curiosit
!. of little girl that on returning hom
v she asked for an explanation the line a
2 she heard it wasf
al "Mke Rimes a bird and long have been."f
a A patient ingenuity and an old hymn
l. book solved the mystery. The origins
,e of the above translation was:
d "My crimes burden long have been.ni-
ALL GoNE But ONE. ~ ~
's Gone all thedreams OF early youth
o Like morning 'sEanished ray;
4 Alas lhatwhat we deem is truth
u Should ever fade away
: Gone all the friends whom once knew,
L. Companions of my prime;
% little thought such friendships true
J. OouldpeTish ere their time
y & Gone Gone Except one-one that shov
II How constAncy endears
v My faithful Watohl 1t never goes
n II hasn't gone for years.
III ALADY occupying a room, letter B, {
|, a hotel in New York, wrote on the slat
n as follows awake letter B at Z; and
letter b says 'Let her be- don't let her b
t nor let letter B be, because if you let lettC
Ie B be, letter Bwill be unable to let h,
2. house to Mr.. B, who is to call
IL halfpast TO-" The porter, much bette
a. Lootblack than orthographist, after stud,
ing the above ali night, did not kno
ig whether to wake letter b, or TO "let h
10 be-"
r. A CONVENIENT Loss OF Memory
al gentleman who was very Jealous on Il
x subject of horses, but not according
q, knowledge, bought mare at auction al
ld rode her home. "Well, Caesar" said l
er to his sable coachmap, "what do "
il, think Of herY She cost me five hundrC
H,.ll } 4.