The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-07-07
WIT AND HUMOK.

--
II you want to get sure crop and
a big yield SOW wild oats
TO convert IN artless maiden into
a heartlcss one, there only wants
: he
"A p:ovcrbial similc. Misery loves
company; so does a marriascable
young lady.
"A romantic young man says that
! woman's heart is like the moon--it
changes continually, but always has a
man in IT, 3,S pH
The land1orltwho raises n poor
mans rent must DC very humane man,
because very few Of them can raise it
! themselves.
Never quarrel with your wife, as
you only have to make it up, and pay
for tue reconciliation in thc shape Of
new dresser anew bonnct.
A lille boy, on returning from
fSunday school, said to his mother:
gs'This catechsm Is too hard; isn't
thcre any kitlychi,ms for little boys?'
- 1t is said some babies arc so sm:ll
that they can creep into Quar measures.
IBut tue way in which some adults can
Swalk into such measures is astonishing.
A servant curl asked her mistress
| The other evening for the loan Of her
white muslin dress 10 wear to q party,
)modcslly lemarliing, l dislike to ask
)vou for it, rs borrowed clothes never
fit me as well as my own"
! quite correct, my dear; the ma.
tivcs Of South Africa do not require
Sclothes to keep them warm, because
they ar. Hottcnois. Don't you see?
Coolies are different sort Of people
alto ycther. SO are the people Of Chilli
An apothecary's hoy was lately
/ sent 10 leave at house n box Of pills,
and at another six live fowls. Con.
fused on the way, he left The pills where
the fowls should have gone, and the
i,ws NJ .hc pin place. The folks who
received The fowls were astonishcd at
reading The accompanying directions,
Swallow one cvey Two hours
A Brooklyn Judge having told :
lawyer the other day that his mind was
made up on the case, and that counsel
need not read from decision Of Chief
Justice Marshall That he held in his
hand, The lawyer replied: 81 do not
wish 10 affect your Honors mind by
reading The decision, but simply desire
to give The members Of the bar an OPP
portunity TO see how inferior Chiel-Ju
ticc Marshall WAS to your Honor"
The Judge wiltcd.
Were you in the Gght?' said an
officer 10 an elderly negro on u steamer
after taking q fort. Had little taste
Of it, sab Stood your ground, did
YOU: No sab; I runs. Run at tho
first fire, did you:' Yes, sab; would
A hab run sooner if l had known it was
coming why, that's not very cred
liable to your courage. Dat Amt my
line, sah-eookin' $ my perlcssion.'
swell, but have you no regard for your
rcpatation? Populations nothing to
me by the side oh life Do you con.
| slider your life worth more than other
pco, olc's?' It's worth more to me,
sab Selah ...
"A certain deacon was one of the
best men, but by nature very irascible.
A COW was so exceedingly disordery,
as the deacoh WAS attempting TO milk
her one morning, that the old Adam
cot the better of him, and he vented his
excited feelings in volley of cxecra.
lions very nnleaconish in their char.
actcr. AT this moment the good dea-
cons pastor appeared unexpectedly on
the scene, and announced his presence
By saying: Why, deacon, can it be7
Are you swcaringY We'll, parson, re.
Piled the deacon, Il did't think of any
one being near By; but the truth is, I
never shall enjoy religion as long as l
keep this cow
THE WRONG TOM CAT.
A man he owned tarricr dorg,
A bob-tailcd orncry etlss--
And that there purp rot that there man
Into manyan ugly mass.
For the fellow was onh,s muscle,
And the purp was on the bite,
4 So to kick that bob-tail animile
Was sure to raise fight
A woman owned a Thomas cat,
That lit ut fifteen pounds;
And other cal gotup and got
When that there cat was round.
Tie man and his dorg came long one day