, 1870-05-28


was written in such WY that it's most glori-
ous promises and most triumphant hopes we're
for people in trouble. "Count it all Joy when
80 fall into divers aft3ictions" seemed, - he
to 20 .1ont tbe tsn9f of the
sell, II quake u the mere distant shadows Of
an af1liction, and am utterly unnamed at the
thought OF losing treasures which profess to
believe Of only secondary value, while yet I
have and hold that glorious hope Of treasure
Is eternalr
Whether tho Doctor succeeded In making his
future lfo square with his belief, ls yet to be
seen.
A COUPLE OF SAD EXPERIENCES.
From Marx 7rasn,s "Hemoranda " in the June
GaEarn
When published squib recently, in which
said was going to edit m agricultural de-
partment in this magazine, certainly did not
desire to deceive anybody. I had not tho re-
motest desire to play upon any ones conf
denco with practical joke, for he is pitiful
creature indeed who will degrade the dignity
Of Ills humanityto the contriring OF the witless
inventions that go by. that name: 1purposely
wrote tho thing IS absurdly and as extrava-
gantly as il could DO written, in order to be
sure and not mlslead hurried or needless read
ers for spoke Of launching triumphal
barge upon q desert, and planting tree Of
prosperity in 7aine-a tree whose fragrance
should slake The thirst Of tho naked, and whose
branches should spread abroad till they mashed
the shores Of ETC., etc. lthouglt that manifest
lunacy like that would protect tho reader.
But to make assurance absolute, and show
that did not and could not seriously mean
to attempt an Agr-acuuurai Department. +
stated distinctly IN my postscript that I dill
not k1noso anything about Agriculture. But
alas right there il where I made my worst
recommended my proposed Agriculture moro
than anything else. It lets a little light in on
me, and fancy I perceive that the farmers
feel little bored, sometimes. by tho oracular
profundity Of agricultural editors who "know
it al." In fact. ono Of my correspondents
suggests this {for that unhappy sq1lb has
deInged me with letters about potatoes, and
cabbages, and hominy, and veImicclli, and
maccaropi, and MI the other fruits, cereals, and
vegetables that ever grew on earth: and il I
get done answering questions about tho beBt
way Of raising these things before 60 raviug
crnzy, shall bo thankful, aud Rhal mover
write olecurity foI fun ary morc.)
Shall tell the real reason why have unin-
tentionally succeeded in foollng 10 many poo
rlc? It is because some Of them only read
iittle Of the squib wrote and jumped to the
conclusion that it WAS Gerious and tho rest did
venture at secondhand, Those cases could
not guard against OF course. To write bur
lcsque go wild that its pretended facts will not
be accepted in perfect good faith by somebody,
is very nearly an impossible thing to do. It is
because, in some instances, the reader is q
person who never tries to deceive ANYBODY
himself, and therefore il not expecting any
ono to wnntonly practice deception upon
him; and in this case the only person dis
honorel is tho man who wroto tho burlesque.
III other instances the "nub" or moral Of tho
Lu,lesque-n its object bo 10 enforce
truth-escapes notice in the superior glare
of somethin9 in the body Of tue burleaqu1o
itself. And very often this ''moral is
tagged on at the bottom, and tho reader, not
knowing that it is the key Of the whole thing
and the only important paragraph in the arti-
Gle, TRANQUILITY turns up his nose at it, and
leaves il unread. One can deliver satire with
telling force through the insidious medium Of
t1aSesty. aud 10 burg it from The readers
sight, and leave him jokel and defranded
victim, when the honest intent was to add to
either his knowledge or his wisdom. I hAve
had q deal Of experience in Durlesques and
their unfortunate aptness to deceive tho pub
lie, and this is why tried hard to make that
agricultural one 80 broad and 30 perfectly pal
Fable that even one-eycd potato could see it
aud yet, az I speak the solemn truth, It fooled
one Of tho ablest agricultural editors in
America
THE PEIn1FIED MAN.
Nov, to Show how really hard il is to foist
moral or q truth upon an unsuspectiue public
through burlesque without entirely and ab-
hurdly missing ones mark, I will here set
down two experiences Of my own in this thing.
IN the taH OF 1869, in Nevada and California,
the people got to running wild about o1traor-
dlnary petrifactions and other natural marycIs.
Ono could scarcely pick up q paper without
finding IN it ono or two glorifed Discoveries Of
this kind The mania waa becoming little H.
d!cu)ous: was u bran-now local editor in Viz
Gln1aCitv and felt called upon to destroy this
growing evil; We all have our bonignant, faith
erly moods at one time Or another, suppose.
chose to kill the petrifaction mania with
delicate, very delicate, satirc. But nayb1 it
was altogether ton delicate, for nobody ever
perceived the satira part Of it at all. put my
scheme in the shape Of the discovery Of re-
narkalle pctritied man. had had tempo
rary falling ont with slr. sewal1, tho now Coro-
ner and Justice OF tho Peace Of Hu4nboldt,
and Thought might as well touch fdm up q
little at the same limo aud make him riIicu-
lous, and thus combine pleasure with business
So told in patient, belef-compelling detail all
about tho finding Of a pot1ifed man ut Gravel
" Ford (exactly hundred and twenty miles,
over breakneck mountain trail, from whore
Sewal1 hvetD; how all the sayanta IN the in
mediate neighborhood had been to examine it
1T was notorious that there was not living
crchture within fifty miles Of there, except
few starving Indians, some crippled stass-
hoppers, and four or five bnzzards out Of
meat and too feeble to get awav); how those
savantR ali pronounced the petrihed man to
have been in stato Of complete petrifaction
for over ten generations and then, with
seriousness that ought to have been ashamed
to assume, stated that aa soon as AIr. sewall
heard the news, he summoned jury, mounted
his mule, and posted oil, with noble rover
ence' for official duty, on that awful five days
journey, through altali, sage-brush, peril Of
body and imminent starvation, to hold an
inquest on this man that had been
dead and turned to everlasting stone
And then, my hand being sin," 80 to speak
to state that the Jury returned verdict that
deceased came to his death from pyoir1c4d
exposure. This only moved me to higher
flights Of imagination, and said that the Jury,
with that charity 80 characteristic Of prisoners,
then dug grave, and wcre about to give the
petrifed man Christian burial, when they found
that for ages limestone sediment had been
tHckling down tho face Of the stone against
which be WAS sitting, and this stuff had run un-
der him and cemented him fast to tho "bed-
rock" that the jury Ghey we're all BlTer-min-
ers) canrassed the difficulty moment, and
then got out their powder and fuse, and pro-
ceeded to drill hola under him, in order to 6ast
him from his position, when Nfr. SewAll, with
that delicacy 10 characteristic of him, for
bade them, observing that it would be little
lees than sacr1ege to do such thlng.'' From
beginning to end the "Potrified Nan Bquib
was string Of roaring absurdities, albeit they
we're told with An t1nfair prefanca nf tfnth that