Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-08-05
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Ii il to take no note of him.
Shocking Electric sparks and earth
luakes.
Legal query Should the limbs Of the
law be clothed in breaches OF promise
Why are shi ps called "she? Because
they always keep man on the look out
Why use three words, double clog dance.
wbe one, MISREPRESENTATION would DO just
as well?
Two twin brothers in New York are so
much alike that they frequently borrow
money of each other without knowing it.
\ man down in Maine says if he builds a
house he will have folding doors, "theyre
80 handy in case of a funeral
We all owe something to our country,
said the man who went abroad without nav
ing paid his Income tax.
What is the difference between girl and
!, NIGHT cap? One is born to wed, the other
is worn to bed.
"Sambc, dill you ever see the Catskll
Monntai, 50 mo, sah but Eve seen EN-
kill mice. a5-aso
There is only one good substitute fofithc
on,lcarmcnts of a sister, and that is the en-
Icarmcnts Of some other fellows sister.
Oliver Wendell Holmes says that widows
who crY easy are the first to marry again.
rhorc is nothing like wet weather for trans
planting.
A little boy in Richmond, on being asked
nv his mother if he would not like to be an
angel and have wings, replied that he had
rather be hawk and live on chickens.
!, down-east Clergyman once said that
he wrote u sermon in a day. and thought
nothing Of it, His people held the same
opinion.
An h;striors;e individual, who has heard
- good deal about the theatre OF war, sug
oests that the back seats must be very desl-
rable
4 curious W estern visitor inquired if the
State prison was reckoned among our lnst-
TUT. rs of charity? Certainly was the re-
ply: it covers a multitude of sins.
NV landlady, said Il man, makes her
tea so strong that it breaks the cups And
mine said another, IN kcs hers so weak 1t
can't run out OF the pct.
When .jemima went to school she was
asked why the noun bachelor was singular
lar. Because she replied, it is 50 very
singular that they dont't get married
4 retired gchcolmaster excuses his passion
for angling by saying that, from constant
habit, he ncvc. feels quite himself unless be
is handling the rod
4 gentleman looking upon an extensive
conhagraton, expressed his surprise in three
words, each the name of an English author
Dickens, Hewitt, Burns
How do you define black as your haty
said a schoolmaster to one of his pupils.
Darkness that may be tel,' replied the
youthful wit
A Minnesota Sunday Sch Of boy shocked
his teacher, who asked what he had learned
during the week, by the answer that he had
Learned not to trump his partners ace
No matter how much you desire to fight,
never begin on mule or a cross-eyed man.
Their looks don't advertise clearly enough
where they are going to hit.
A gentleman asked little girl what it
was that made person feel SO when an
other tckled him. I suppose it is the
laugh creeping oycr him, was the instant
reply.
Ienny,' said his maiden aunt. you should
eat the barley that is in your soup, or you'll
never get a man. l4enny, looking up in
noccntly inquired, is that what you eat it
for, aunty?
I shall be at home next Sunday night,
d young lady said, as she followed her beau
to the door, who seemed to be wavering in
his attachment 50 shall j. was the re
ply.
What more precious offering can be laid
apon the altar Of mans heart THAI the
first love of Il pure, earaest and affectionate
girl with an undivided interest in eight cor
ner lots and fourteen three story houses
a gentIaman in Indiana says, in note
accompanying letter for publication in the
louisville CoWier-Jommal II sum times
nisspel word, and its possible 7 have spelt
4icaant r0ng.
Some crusty old bachelor in Congress
proposes 30 levy Il tax of twenty-five per
cent ON corsets wbereupon Il down East
paper remards Since there is go tax on
men getting tight, why should not the Ia
dies have the game privilege :?
\ Georgia paper kaows man who went
all the way from Gasswilie to Atlanta. On
his return he looked solemn with the weight
of garnered wisdom and said, If the world
WAS as big tothcr way as it was that, it was
whopper.
school teacher Of a young scholar. The lit
tle feiow after Il few moments thought,
With IN air of confidence exclaimed, it's the
gentleman who lives in hi; I've forgot
ten his name
Barber said farmer to his tonsor, |
now eorn's cheap, you ought to shave for
half price Can't Mr. B. said the man
Of razors, j ought really to charge more,
tor when eorn's down farmers make such
ion:: faces that have twice the ground to
go over,
4 roguish chap, knee high to a grass
hopper, heard one complaining at the table
at the quality Of butter in market. Even
Tag came, and he knelt, and in repeating
the LORDS Prayer, paused after asking for
his daily bread, and added in whisper =
Mother, hadn't [ better ask for a little