Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-04-22
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
GIT TIMBER-Sunbeams.

1,UOU,OvU-A InilllOfdiIc lS ucCcsSssiIy d
naughty man.
How many Achers constitute suitable
grounds of complaint?
SOME grocers show their grit by sand
ing their sugar
"CAN you return my love, my dearest
Julia ?" Certainly, sir; do not want
it, I am sure.'
"HURRY, mamma" said little inno-
cent, with his cut finger, "hurry, it's leak
ing"
FORETHoUGHT and prudence both say
insure your life. Take their advice and
insure in the Washington.
for cold water. They hate the bucket,
and consequently soon kick it.
SHE that marriesia man because he is a
good match, must not be surprised if he
turn out lucifer.
A JERsEYMAN, in reply to the charge
that women can do no fighting in time of
war, says his wife does nothing else.
A H1sTR1oNIo party, who. had heard a
good deal about the theatre of war;" sug-
gests that the back seats must be very de-
sirable.
THE Washington Life Insurance Com
pany is increasing more than two thou
sand dollars per day, above all losses and
expenses.
A NEW YORK hotel recently startled its
guests by putting mice pie " in the bill
of fare. Investigation proved that mince
pie was intended.
THE Detroit Free Press finds another
argument against hard work in the fact
that al man recently died within five min
utes after splitting some wood.
A MAN may be ever so poor, he may be
| ever so unfortunate, but he need never be
| hard up for candles so long as he makes
light of his sufferings.
A DOwN-EAsT paper says, in an obitu-
airy notice, that the deceased had been
for several years director of bank, not
withstanding which he died Christian,
and universally respected"
A TRADEsMAN objected, the other day, to
receive from one of his customers q note
at 30 days, on the ground that he might
die before that time. "Die!" exclaimed
the customer, who ever heard of man
dying within 80 days"
THE following advice is from New
burg paper: Press on, young man, though
with only his two hands and croWbar,
living in u fine stone residence in Sing
Sing.
A SMART old lady, being called into
court as witness, grew impatient at the
questions put to her, and told the Judge
that she would quit the stand, for he was
"raly one of the most inquisitiVe old
gentlemen she ever see."
HUSBAND. eff L were to lose you,
would never be such fool as to marry
again." Wife. eff were to lose you,
would marry again directly" Husband
"My death would be regretted by at least
one person." Wife. "By whom?" Hus-
band. "My successor"
THE Danbury, Conn, Nesos of recent
date says: Sunday being balmy day,
the styles were brought out. The most
richly dressed lady we saw is the wife of
a man who has owed this Office $13 for
nearly three years. He says he cannot
raise the money, and we believe him."
CAvENDIsH, the philosopher, invariably
had leg of mutton for his solitary din
ner. On one occasion he announced to
| his servant that six gentlemen were to
dine with him on that day. "What am
to give them for dinnerg" calculated the
factotum, in dismay; one leg of mutton
won't do for six gentlemen" "Then give
them six legs of mutton p was the philo-
sophical reply.
| THEY are constantly making the most
interesting discoveries of antiquities at
| Rome. Among other things lately found
at Ostia is portable iron kitchen
| 1t shuts and opens; when closed, there is
one place for Goals and saucepan; when
open, the kitchen is in the form of star,
radiating from this center furnace, and at
the endsof each ray is little furnace, with
places for cooking utensils.
A CLERGYMAN in certain village de-
sired the clerk to give notice that there
| would be no service in the afternoon, as
he was going to officiate for a clerical
brother in the vicinity. Immediately after
| service, the clerk, rising up, called out :
at am desired to give notice that there
| will be no seroice this afternoon, as DR..
B is going a fishing with another cler-
gyman." Mr. B. of course corrected
the awkward blunder.
HAHNEMANN, the founder of the Ho-
| mGopathic school, was one day consulted
| by wealthy English lord. The doctor
llSb6ucQ pdtlCutlN w tuC o1d1CuCub WulCu
the patient made to him. He then took a
small vial, opened it, and held it under
the lords nose. "Smell! Well, you are
cured" The lord asked, in surprise,
elbow much do owe your" "a thou
sand francs" was the reply. The lord i'm
mediately pulled out u bank-note and held
it under the doctors nose. "Smell
Well, you are paid !"
THE following anecdote is told OF
Charles Dickens, who was once present
at dinner party where young writer in
Weighed against the world generally, in a
very :" forcible feeble manner" During
pause in this philippe against the hui
man race, Dickens said, across the table,
in the most self-congratulatory of tones
81 say, -, what lucky thing it is you
and don't belong to it. It reminds me,
continued the author of Pickwick," OF
two men who, ON raised sc.ffold, were
awaiting the final delicate attention of the
hangman the notice of one was aroused
by observing that bull had got into the
crowd of spectators, and was busily en-
gagged in tossing one here and another
there; whereupon he said to the other, {
say, Bill, hos0 lucky it is for as that ace ert
| up here r"