The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-07-05
" Nary an auxiliary"

VI biG ulDllu
On the glorious Fourth Fourth of
July, 1876"
Lie number one" growled the double
bass voice, and down went straight
mark in the column headed "Lies"
"Hold up! p we exclaimed. Allow us
to correct that statement. Any witness
on the stand has that privilege. We
were thinking of our country's natal day,
the anniversary of which is SO close at
hand"
Fourth of July, 1926, was the day
of our birth" He made an X of the
straight mark, and sid, Excused"
"Were you born at home or abroad =?
| mean, were you born in this country or
in foreign land"
"No, sir" He looked up at us, as
much as to say, explain,
We first saw daylight on the raging
main," we volunteered.
Where's thatY' he asked, and added,
" I'm little lame in geography" We
thought so too, and that he was deficient
in poetry, also; so came down TO hard
pan.
CAT sea we were born. Upon the
deep and dark blue rolling sea, the wind
blowing gale from the nor nor west,
the waves running mountains high, every
thing closed, fured, the ship lying head
to the wind, the cooks mate washed over
board"
There, thatll do. No matter about
the cooks mate, or any other man. How
old are you? l forgot that"
Thirty-one the coming 18th of July"
Down it went-he not appearing to
notice anything out Of the way in the
reckoning.
Occupation? O, scaman-I forgot
born at sea-"
We made no objections to being class
ed as an old salt, though we couldn't see
how being born at sea made us seaman;
on the principle, we suppose, that, born
in a stable, we should have been a horse.
Back or white 2" he quericd
"White," we roared out, and somewhat
savagely.
He looked at us sharply. We admit
that we are no blonde, but brunette of
the deepest dye; still we profess to be of
the quality known as the Caucasion.-
The census taker appeared to be in doubt
but at length marked :" W" against our
name.
Married or otherwise" was his next
question.
Otherwise considerably" weanswered
cod batch or widower ?"
Not any"
G, L, looked up at us. Evidently he
was puzzled.
How's that?" he queried What
are you?"
"Divorced,' we returned.
Divorced, ch p
Yes, that's the fashion nowadays,
you know and one might as we'll be out
Of the world as out of the fashion," said
we, laughing.
What was the little unpleasantness ?"
he asked evidently interested in our mat
rimonial affairs. We felt confident he
was getting beyond the range of ques-
tions allowed him by law to ask, and knew
very well that it was none Of his business
what the little "unpleasantness" was, as
he termed it; still we didn't object to let
ting him know all about it, if it would
amuse him.
Incompatibility of temper, in one in
stance, was the littlo unpleasantness,' "
said we. In another, incompatibility
of tastes. In the third instance"
Thunder three divorces ?" he que
ried, breaking in upon us.
"Three! Seven, man, said we in re-
turn.
"S-e-v-e-n-d-i-vorces! whew p he ex-
claimed, slightly astonished, we thought.
Placing his elbows on the table, he laid
his thumbs along his lower jaw, and thus
supporting his head looked at us with all
the eyes he had; by which expression we
mean to convey the idea that he looked
at us thoroughly, intently, searchingly,
with his two eyes At length he said in
a voice heavier, deeper, hoarser than
ever; 81 believe that statement to be a
ID lie, SIR"
Your size protects you, sill" said we
calmly
e no ,ro,, ,,oon 70 ot,pd tO that atoto