The Evansville daily journal. (Evansville, Ind.) 1870-1875, 1870-12-06
MARK TWAIN.
His Report of the Farmers Club.
lFrom the Bunslo Express.1

&
Ex-Uonstable Quinn desired thu
club 60 inform him how to make hog!
root.
DR.. Slow had been a practical far
mer for the last six weeks, and in al
the varied agricultural experience nc
such article as hogs root had evel
come under his notice. What wal
it? Was it edible? Was it useful II
any way, or was it, as he more thar
suspected, another worthless humbug
devised by sharpers to defraud us
practical farmers? He knew not
whether it was propagased BY seed OF
By cuttings. but he would advise Mr.
Quinn to- be shy of hogs root, espe-
clally if it was a new tangled or high
priced tuber.
Mr.. Moker, the agricultural writer,
explained the anatomy of the hogs
proboscis. 1t is designed for subter-
ranean foraging, by q process vulgarly
called roofing, to which Mr. Quinn s
inquiry probably referred. Being a
delicate organ, it is liable to injury.
He would recommend that Dir. Quinn
wipe his hogs nose. IF he finds it
red, he may be sure it is tender, and
needs protection by a metallic shield.
Some resort to the strategic device of
inserting wire ring in the hogs nose,
in his efforts to remove which he
would naturally thrust his snout into
the soil, aud thus root unWittingly.
That was playing it rather low on the
hog. and the metallic shield was pre-
ferable on the score of fair dealing
and philanthropy.
Dir. Greeley exhibited pumpkin of
his own raising. As it embodied his
solitary and crOEning success, after
several years of discouraging failure
in pumpkin culture, the club sur
rounded it with uncovered heads and
mingled emotions of surprise, admira-
tion and envy. 1t was a superb fruit;
and when Mr.. G.'s hat was placed on
it. to illustrate its size and symmetry,
the hat and pumpkin seemed SO per
fectly adapted to each other, and to-
gether produced an effect so startling,
that several enthusiastic members
s8ore they would have known who
raised that pumpkin if they had seen
it anywhere. It is to be photo
Rraphed by Gurney, aaa next years
Tribune subscribers will receive cop
les. The pumpkin was the fatteTing
product of one bushel of seed planted
on the farm in Champagna. Soon af-
ter blossoming, the vine manifested
an inclination to wither. 1t was
thereupon transplanted to a large
flower pot, and removed to the town
residence of its founder. For some
time it pined and dropped. and they
sat up nights with it. expecting that
every moment would be its last, but
every moment turned out not to be
its last, and with careful nursing it
fually rallied ard came up to maturi
t., as cherished and tough pumpkiu
as ever grew.
DIR. Sixhammers suggested that the
result of Mr.. G.'s indomitable strug-
gle With this pumpkin showed how
every city family could provide itself
with pumpkin-pie. He hoped to see
the day when every WindoW-sill, In
every city, would be adorned with
fructifying pumpkin-pots. and every
pumpkin-Fines.
Thomas Dodd. Of New Hampshire.
writes TO the club that he is tity
years old, infEm with consumption,
has large family, ten dollars In mon
ey. and wants to know what to do.
bIr. Moker-Go out to Greeley
Colony and invest ia saF irTigatIag
ditch.
Mr. Layman-Buy a Texas rlnche
or Florida orange grove.
DR.. Simble-His health requires
light farming. in a bracing climate.
Let him steFt az indigo plantation In
/ Alaska.
Dir. Greeley-He mustn't come to
New York. His SO wouldn't last a
year; but out West he can invest it,
and grow up with the country. If /
had gone West with $40, at his age,
/ / should be a happy man now, with
two suits of respectable garments, an
/ Office, and a conscience guiltless of
| distracting tariff aud farming essays.
DIR. Hastings invited the club to
/ visit his farm, thirty miles up the FiV-
es, BeZt Wednesday, and inspect q
horse radish that be had persuaded
to vegetate. The ground vas titled,
sub. soiled, and top dressed. He had
expended upon thai plant only half a
ton of bone dust, one cart load of
ashes. and a barrel of guano; yet, in
spite of his neglect, it had within a
wear grown to the siz9 of his little
auger. His foreman would explain
to the clerk the peculiar difficulty Of
raising this rare exotic. lie would
treat the club to a regular farmer'
! dinner. the materials for which he
had already engaged at the city mar
kets.
The club accepted and adjourned.