The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-09-02
sun FLOWER SHADE-IN THE MIDST
OF AN AUGUST RAIN.
EMPoRIA. KANSAS.

EMPOhlAy hANSASs
DEAR EDITOR NEWS: We are sadly,
woefully disappointed; and to whom
should we come with our story of wrong
and suffering, but to you, Obi knight
of the quill; thou modern "slinger of
inES" who never turned a cold shoulder
to common sense" "impudence," or
any other of the graces(D You GER
tainly can't have the heart to refuse a
listening ear to one who in infancy was
christened "Stupid," and who has never
since had an opportunity to change her
name, Ono not even to Smith or Jones.)
1t is cold and it rains-tbe mud-oh
who can tell what Kansas mud is till
they think to sally out some drizzly
day and find themselves in the same
situation as that poor house fly who
attempts to meander across Johnny's
slice of bread and molasses-stuck-
mphatically-fastened to earth tighter
than q postage stamp and frantically
struggling for life and limb. We come
up from the miro minus our sandals, and
with bad temper and logged deter
mination to continue our pursuit of
happiness" even if the mud in its next
draw takes the cuticle from our pedal
extremities.
Thou land of sunny skies and balmy
1feezesl Kansas, the Italy of America !!
The poets song and the real estate deal
ers' pamphlet never told us of your
miserable, sticky, Spaulding's Prepared
nIua ~ vnud We can't chOea tho rhvm
ers, neither can we sue Bancroft Bro
ker for mis-statement of facts; let any
one else attack Kansas and we can sass
(Kansas) them as well and as sincerely
as poet or speculator. That's just the
way with all of us; we scold and fret,
and although there are two r. RS run
ming in and out of town, ace 'front.' ledUe.
We like Kansas, "barring the wind
and mud" and it's our just right to
complain little when the clouds lower
and let down rain; and we are shut in
the house with the last number of the
News in our hands, and that as dry al
our prairie was last spring. That was
what we wasn't to scold about, and W.
wandered off the track and dear, limo
cent, long-suffering Kansas has received
little lash when the whole cut belonged
to you. Now, do you expect us to taxi
back all our scolding just because W.
like you, and get penitent the momen
we say hard thing2 We are not goins
to do il. Think of your resources, gen
tlemen; think of your brains, you
quilts, 1--WE don't mean the porcppin
species), think of the scissors, the ex
changes, and the cosey brown office oil
the corner; and then tell US how coul'
You refuse us bit of something to tax
out the bitterness of the European wa
and Sid. Clarke ? Your pride is hurt
and you point this letter toward tn
waste basket. Dare to drop it in, an6
as the old maid said, you'll get you
come up and see." If you don't rea
and profit by this kind hint from a
appreciative subscriber, you may com
to grief from spontaneous combustion
Your obituary will read, "Died by tn
consuming of an inward fever" whic
licked up all that was juicy and jolly c
the Emporia NEWS, leaving little dr.
finder which blew up and went off-n
one knoweth whittier.
Stupid" will furnish your epitapl
and it shall read thus:
sHere rest the remains of Emporia News
Friends weep, for their pride has departed
II struggled long with feeble breath.
And tried to cheat the tryant death,
As also its subscribers
But now it's done; gone up the spout,
It's Newsy candle clear snuffed out,
Consumed it's wick and tallow."
Isn't that almost as chilly as keepin
ones coffin in the house9 And nov
like the faithful paterfanailids who, wit
the switch, administers sugar plum,
say give me bread without butter, civ
me tea without sugar, give me summ'
without new bonnet, bnt don't depri1
me of the Emporia News.
STUPID.