The Hillsborough recorder., 1870-04-27
spice.

y
~--~~~-<~o-~--~~- -~~~~-~~>~~
When thou receiyest kindness, rcmem-
Der it; when thou bcstowest one, forget it.
The smaller the calibre Of the mind, the
greater the bore Of perpctually open
mouth.
The Newpo,t yers puts its announce
mcnts Of births under the head Of 4 New
Music"
A little boy Of Hudson. New York.
couldn't remember the text exactly, bul
thought il was something about hawk
between two pigeons. It was, "Why
halt ye'bctween two opinions" /"
There are. two things which will make
ushappy IN this life, if VIC attend to them.
The first is, never to vex ourselves about
what we can't help; and tho second never
to yex ourselves about what We can help"
A good old Quaker lady, after listening
to an extravagant yarn Of shcp-keeper a.
long as her patience would allow her, said
to him, {. Friend. what a pity il isa sin to
lie, when il scemss necessary to thy hap
pincss.
An Irishman called at the Office Of the
Decorah (Iowa) Democrat and asked what
they charged hundred for "cow bills. "
1.-Two dollars" was the reply. Then, "
said Pat, laying down ten-ce' plaster,
'.giye me five Of thim.'
A countryman stopped at a telegraph
window, where q young lady was receiving
dispatches, and, after looking ON moment,
called to his companion: "Say, Bill,
lust YOU come and see EN- make paper col
lars Don't she know her biz, hey, Bill.
The Greensburg (Indianian) Press says
that q gay Greensburger. when he goes 70
sec his girl. little west Of that town.
:.carries his ine boots under his arm until
lie reaches the gate. when he doffs his sto-
gas and marches into her presence as fresh
and clean as new-bloYn pumpkin bios
som.
Tickets, SIR said railroad conduct
or, passing through one Of the trains the
other day, to passenger. Ny face Is m,
ticket replied the other, little yexed
!. Indeed" said the conductor, rolling
back his wristbands and displaying mos
powerful bunch Of iyes; !. well, my Or.
,lcrs are to punch all tickets passing oseI
this road.
An elderly gentleman, returning kom'
one Sunday night from church, began to ex
tol the merits Of the sermon TO his son
Said he {, {" Jack, / have heard conc Of th'
most delightful sermons ever delivered be
fore Christian society. Il carried me 4
the gate Of heaven" "Why didn't yol
dodge ing, replied jack "you win neyc
have another such chance "
The first line Of hymn given out It
prayer meeting 50 excited the curiosity of
little girl that on returning home she aske,
for an explanation the line, as she hear
Il, was:
mike Rimes bird and long has been.
Patient ingenuity and hymn-book solve'
the mystery. The original was:
y Ny crimes a burden long have been"
A lady Who, through the autumn of life
had not lot all dreams of lis spring, sai
ID Jerrold: II cannot imagine what make
my hair turn gray. sometimes fancy
must be the essence Of rosemary wit
which my maid Is IN the habit Of brushin
il. What do you thinkr' II should b
afraid, madame" replied the distinguishe
dramatist, dryly, "tlat Il Is the essence Z
thyme"
Thare haint poem bug made yet IN vain
nor one that want good Job. Tharc Is ey
cr lots of human mon luafing about black
srnith-shops and cider mills All oter III
. country that don't seem 10 be necessary "a
anything bat to beg plug tobacco, an
sware aud steal watermelons, but you le
the kolery break out once, and then yo
will see The wisdom Of having jist sicl me
laying around; they help ount.--Jos
billings.
A little iyo.ycar old boy was being il
structcd IN morals By bis mother. The 81
lady told him that All such terms as "B
Eolly," "By jingo," by thunder" (" AZ
we're only minced oaths, and but little BET
tor than other profanity. In fact, she said
she could tell profane oath by the pref
Of "by--all such were oaths. "Wel
then. mother,y said the little hopesa
!" there's q big oath III the newspapers
,by telegraph The old lady gave
up, and The boy Is bcwildercd On moral