Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-09-30
III ssEssI~.

Men about toWn-polcemen
Carnages-a railroad disaster.
Galley slaves-printer's devils.
A green grocer-onc who trusts.
Fiddle -sticks-bad violin players.
The war measure line OF battle.
Immodest act-stripping to the task.
How to become a swcll-dinc heartily
A stern rcality-the man at the wheel
The proper beverage for milkmen pail ale.
Money is hard to get but easy to spend.
Bold stroke for husband beating his
wife.
An inhuman act-pulling down "the
blind"
None of your jaw as the Philistlnes
said to Sampson.
A hen is not immortal, and yet her son
never SETS.
Grocers should remember that honest tea
is the best policy.
Notable places for the weak-barrooms on
Saturday night.
When patient begins to feed more, the
doctor is feedless.
If man is given to liquor, see that liq-
uor is not given to him.
There one thing which can always be
%
found, and that is fault.
Woman shows her fondness for unity by
always waiting to be won.
The dearest spot on earth is home A
great many husbands think SO.
Go to strangers for charity, acquaintance
for advice, relatives for nothing
If you are to limit your acquaintance to
but one John, don't let it be demi.john.
Little fish have proper idea Of bu .iness.
Not being able to do better, they start on a
small scale.
Experimental philosophy-trying to Dor
row an umbrella. Moral philosophy-Re-
fusing to lend it.
No person ever got stung by hornets who
kept away from where they were. 1t is so
with bad habits.
An old bachelor says that women are
willing to DO Gagged up if they only have
ring to play with.
I kan tell exactly how mi nabors young
ones ought to be fetched up, but | amt so
clear about mi own
A widower was recently rejected by a
damsel who didn't want affections that had
been warmed over
Jenkins says he only cats once day .
still he says he has three meals, rye meal,
Indian meal, and mealy potatoes.
A romantic young man says that wo-
mans heart is like the moon-it changes
continually, but always has man in it
Here's the banisters, but where the ID
are the stairs as the drunken fellow said
when he felt his way around the bcdstead n
the dark.
\ Vermont husband frustrated his wife's
elopement by locking up her silk dress
She said she wouldn't be seen clipping in
shilling calico.
A young man charged with being lazy,
was asked if he took it from his father. L
think not was the reply, fathers got all
the laziness he ever had.
No matter how much you desire to fight,
never begin on mule Or crosseyed man.
Their looks don't advertise clearly enough
where they are going to hit.
Two shoemakers out in CON- any were ask
ed their profe Says one Of them, L
practice the heeling art And L. says the
ether, labor for the cool Of men soles.'
A young man just graduated, says the
'long dry spell in France is nothing cola.
pared to the long dry spells he was compell-
cd to perform during his academical studies.
An ingonius New Yorker has learned how
20 keep an umbrella He buys big cotton
one. fractures two ribs, and baeaks off six
inches of the handle. No one ever steals
it.
An exchange says: Trying to DO bust.
rsss without advertising is like winking
thro' a pair of green goggles-you may
know that you are doing it, but nobody else
Does
Dick pays no compliments to lively Sail;
she says she don't expect them from that
quarter; you're fishing for compliment,
my girl No, Dick, indeed-not in such
shallow water
An Indiana young man, out hunting
lately, fired into the bushes and brought
down his motheriu-law, who was seeking a
stray chicken. That was making game of
the old lady.
A Montreal lady who tried to pour melted
lead into her sleeping husband ear, found
he was only playing possum and lost her
nose. She wanted change of husbands
and is likely to get it.
If you are wise man you will treat the
the world as the moon treats it. Show it
only one side Of yourself, seldom show
yourself too much at time and let what
you show be calm, cool and polished. But
look at every side of the world.
A good story is told of German shoe
maker, who, having made pair of boots
for gentleman of whose financial integrity
he had considerable doubt, made the follow
ing reply to him when he called for the ar
ticle: "Der poets are not quite done, but
der heel ish made ont"
A negro preacher accidentally read we'll
known verse, MY feet are as heas' feet
instead of 1hinds feet You will observe,
my breddern, he said, that hen in the
hen-roost, when it falls asleep, it tightens
its grip SOS not to fall off. And OATS how