The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-12-25
Morning Star and Catholic Messenger.
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NEW ORLEANS. SUNDAY, DECEMBER a5. 1917.
WIT AND w1sDoM.


VIII make one strOngf
If forty perches make one rood, how
many will make one polite
If five and half yards make one Pole,
low many win make a Russian
Do you indorse o scoundrel when you
make your mark upon his backf
If to be or not to be y is the question,
what is the answerf
"Put money in thy purse" as the. pick
pocket said when he robbed q man of an
eppty one.
Artemus Wards tickets of admission to
his lectures on "Mormonism" are inscribed,
'sAdmit the bearer and one wife,"
dealer in ready made linen advertises |
his shirts and chemises under the melliflu-
GUS appeliation of "male and female en-
velopes."
The president of the Fat Mems Club has
grown SO fat of late that the other day,
while out for walk, his shadow fell on
child and killed it.
Mrs. Moddler never could, for the life of
her, understand what a high churchman
was until she heard Of French minister
being up in a balloon.
A gentleman named Brown once, OBJ
served in company that he had toasted a
lady for twelve months, and yet had little
hopes of making her Brown.
A morning paper says, in an obituary,
" Mr.. - was an estimable citizen. He
died with perfect resignation. He had re-
Gently been married"
"Jim, what makes your cats keep up
such a cursed mewing all the night" 81
don't know, Bill suppose, though. it's on
account of the new Gus membrane."|
ct shall be at home next Sunday" re-
marked q young lady to her beau, who
seemed to be wavering in his attachment.
$50 shall :" was the brute's reply.
A clerk in an Erie hotel has q magnificent
scheme in view. 1t is a circular hotel, to
rest ON a pivot, like locomotive turn table.
The object is to give every guest front
room.
"Jim, believe sambo has got no truth
in him." "You bet dere am more truth
In dat nigga dan in all de rest on de planta-
ton" "How do you make dat out 2"
"Why, he neber let's any OUT"
Two convicts, by name Clark and JOY,
were on their way to Australia. You
have the advantage of me, Clark; you
needn't look so blue" "Why have II"
"You're being transported with jog"
A clergyman last summer visited the
celebrated Hoosac tunnel, and encountered
sprightly Irishman, who, in reply to the
pay I" promptly replied, Faith, no; but
thin it'll be great ornament to society,""
The wife of carpet-bag revenue officer
of South Carolina, who has left her, adver-
tises him as " q good stumpt-speeker who
can edit a nusepaper deliver lectures and
teech school and is quite friend to the
colord peple and "sasser external rev.
naw."
Finn, the comedian, was carving goose
at supper, when John Everett, the exminis
ter's brother called out from the other enc
of the table, What sort of a fowl is tina
brother of yours, Finn Z" 1t ia almost q
great a goose as one everett" Responded
the wit.
A celebrated Irish advocate was walkin,
one day with a friend who was extremel.
punctiiious in his conversation; hearing
person near him say curiosity for curiosity
he exclaimed, How that man murders tn
English language - Not 80 bad as that,
replied the lawyer, be has only knocked al
sout."
A sheriff asked the wife of Quaker
AGAINST whom he had writ, if her husband
was at home. She replied, eyes, he vii
see thee in a moment" The sheriff waited
but the Quaker did not appear. He wa
content with seeing the sheriff, but he die
Il not care that the sheriff should see him.
y "I really can't sing, believe me, sir,
n was the reply of a young lady to the re
peated requests of an empty fop. !" an
rather inclined to believe, madam" he re
nIied with q smirk, that you are fishing
IL for compliments" "NO, sir" exclaimed
the lady, 81 never fish In SO shaii0"
n etream."
.F A young lady contemplating matrimony
a was one morning handed a testament by ne
I father, with the leaf turned down ut tn
Following passage: "He who giveth il
i marriage doeth we'll but he who givet
III not in marriage doeth better" She lmme
Aiately returned it with the following re
MY written underneath: "Dear father,
an contented to do well let those do bet
Ger who can"
"Your ticket, SIR" said a conductor to
& Gentleman who, having been season-tickt
q colder for some time, believed his face wa
u no well known that there was no need IL
him to show his ticket. only face is m
3fcket,n replied the gentleman, little al
4 moved. Indeed" said the conductor, roi
X no back his cuff, aud displaying a mo-
eFSowerfuI fist; "weli, my orders are
1unch all tickets. passing over this road"
At n station on the overland route IL
reeper got rather short of provisions
net had nothing left but a bottle of mu
y lard and some bacon. As the stage stoppe
there one day to change horses, the passel
rers seated themselves at the table, al
II The host said, " Shall help you to pie
Sf bacon 2" "No, thank you, | never 81
BACON" said the traveller. "Weli, then
Il aaid the station keeper, help yourself
mustard"
A sailor was called upon the stand as
~ &;4ass 60 Well sir, do you know I'll