The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-05-05
Tite Boots.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

WOULD jist like tew kno who the man
wuz VINO fust invented tite boots.
He must have bin a narrow and kon-
tracted kuss.
If he still lives, ,'i.hope he haz repented
oy Biz sin, or liz enjoying CRATE agony ov
some kind
have been in CRATE menny tite spots
in my life, but generally could manage to
make them average; but thare IL no such
thing as making pair of tite boots aver
age.
Yu kant git an average on the pinch ov
tite boot, emmy more than yo kan on the
bite of a lobster.
Emmy man who kan wear pair Ov tite
boots, and be humble, and penitcnt, and
not indulge in profane literature, will
make a good husband
He will do more than that, he will d } to
divide up into several fust klass husbands,
and be made to answer for whole naber-
hood.
OH for the pen ov departed VIM.
Shakspear, to write an anethema against
tite boots, that would make anshunt Rome
wake up and howl agin, az she did once
before on previous ockashun.
Oh for the strength ov HerkuleS, to
| tare into shu strings all the tite boots OF
creashun, and skater them to the s winds
of heaven.
Oh for the buty of Venus to make q
| bigg foot look hanSum without q tite boot
on it.
Ohl for the payshunce ov Job, the
| Apostle, to nuss tite boot and bless it
and even pra for one size smaller and
more pinchful.
On for pair OF boots bigg enuif for
! the foot Ov mountain.
hav bin lad to the above assortment OK
"Oh's" from having in mi posseshun al
this moment, a pair Ov number nine boots
with pair Ov number eleven feet il
them.
Mi feet are az dogs noze the fust time
| he wears a muZzle.
/ think mi feet will eventually CHOKE
| the boots to deth.
| liv in hopes they will.
| suppozed had lived long enuf' no
to be phooled agin in this way, but L ha'
found that an ounce OF vanity weighs
more than pound ov reazon, espeshily
when a man mistakes a bigg foot for
small one.
Avoid tite boots, mi friend, az yor
would the grip of the devil, for many {
man has caught for life a fust-rate habi
for swearing 10y encouraging hiz feet tC
hurt hiz boots.
hav promised mi two feet, at least s
dozen ov times during mi checkurd life
that they never should be strangled agin
but I find them to day az full ov pane a:
the stummuk axe, from sudden attak oN
tite boots.
But this IL solemnly the last pair ov titt
| boots will ever wear; will hereafter
wear boots az bigg az my feet, if hav;
| to go barefoot to do il.
l am too Old and too respectable to be &
phOsl any more.
Eazy boots liz one ov the Injuries oN
life, but forget what the other luxury is
but don't know az care, provided i car
get rid ov this pair ov tite boots.
Emmy man ken have them for seven dol
lars, lust half W hat they kost, and if they
don't make his feet ache wuss than al
angle worm in hot ashes, he needn't pay
for them.
Methuseles IL the only man that kar
kali to mind now who could have afforded
to have woe tite boots, and enjoyed them
he had CRATE deal of waste time to b'
miserable in, but life now days IL too
short, and too full Ov aktual bizzines
to phool away emmy ov it on tite boots
Tite boots is an insult to emmy mans
understanding
He who wears tite boots will have t.
acknowledge the corn.
Tite boots have no bowels of mercy
THAR insides are wrath and prOmiskiou
cussing.
Beware of tite boots. - Neac Yori