Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1870-12-27

Havln permanently located at Big Owl, res
pcctably offers his perfeshinal sarvisas to the
people of that healthy naborhood. including
Jennin' $ Gap, Pine Run, Whisky Kreke and
Cap'n 10 Wilson's Saw Mill. Heelin Water
| from the LON Founting KEEP CONSTANTLY on han
til tux out.
Mr.. MOsY.-Please put the above perfesh-
nal kard in prominent persishun and ahed of
aw the uther Doctirs. | reckin it will kinder
take aback, but will be fully understood by
reference to my eventful kareer since last
herd from me-. The following are the fax:
Ny unprecedented labrs in the Kongression-
al kanvass, together with its trooly deplorabul
result knokt iteratur klene out of my he'd and
sot me bak evearywa at leest weeks and d
MI kOndlshen fur the fust fu days war lamen-
bubble in the ixtreme. Mi he'd droopt like
| weepin willer and my ize vas founting of
| teers My countenance bekum jerrymandered,
my har got wully and felt so sheepish all over
that every time met Harris man l thought
that he sed Bah Bah! But arter a..little re-
aexshun I konkluded that even if l did feel
like shepe it wur no use to but my branes out
agin Jon Harris lux, which ar harder to smash
than the fruntis-peace of a premeyum ram
SO flung my napsack akross my back and
made strate kote-tail from Possum Hoer.
When got thar, | foun Polly, my beloved
wife fat ov her bak with bone-spavin in her
hip joints; Ike steppin like bliue-hoss with
the string halt; the muly cow dried up and
bawlln for simmon leaves, and nothin left of
the houn purp but the little end of his tale,
which was still awaggin with kind of implo-
rim swing. He had tux the jerks about week
befo-and shuk hissef klene ava. / imegetly
hung long peece of blak kaliker on the frunt
door TO kepe the widders frum visitin ov me 10
my afiixshun, and when ever one on EN- KUN
pokin' aroun, l stuk my he'd out the winder
and sung the fust stanzy Of that trooly scnti-
mentle hime-"Shoo fiji, don't bodder me. -
Fortunltly l still had left fu boxes of Run
nels' pills which ar good fur boath man and
beest. l guy the ole CONAN at one dose and
you better believe she soon got soople. Ike
swallered and in Is minutes begun to trot as
live and as brisk 2. 40 nag at the farr groun.
l administered the ballanse of the box to the
ole COW, who kummeuced cuttin kapers befor
the fsick fairly TUX affect, and is now frolkin
aroun as frisky as yere old heffer then
tried EN- on the dorg's tale, but he wur tn fur
gone. tide hole box onto the end ov his
| tale and sot down on a log to motifs the affek.-
La fu minits it commenst awaggin faster than
and faster til it got SIGH velocity I couldn't
see no more ov it. That wur the last of the
purp. ceppin small grese spot left on the
| plank whar he war aayin. Mister Fuky at the
| W bite Sulfur ar the proprietor Of these won
| derful pills and he ar herebi ortherized to use
| my sartificate in propagatin his fsick. The
| helth Ov the famille havin been restored it wur
desided In kommittee of the hole tn leeve old
Flu. an go bak to the ole trampin groun in Au-
gusty. Thar ar sumthin very melancolic in le-
vim an ole homested whar a body has long re-
sided however umble an unpretenden it ma
be. That war moanful possession that left
Postum Holler last Saturda weke bein the
| oldls made the start, with par Of Polly's ole
| stocklns stuff IN my mouth to kepe bak the
| grones that KEEP bulg!n up my throte-then
KUN the ole CONAN maxim awl sorts of ugli ia
els at me and blubrn like home-sik kaff-nex
tollered the ole kow aholdin bak as hard as she
Good, while Isaak brort up the rere, twistin
OF hir tale to make hir travil I whised fur
the dorg but he didn't KUN, bekos he war gon
up. l then rit solum an sublime pome on
the pangs ov partin with ole fermiar seems,
which tied on to fepse-rale fur the Majors
to rede, when l wur far ava, arter which TUX
chaw ov terbakker and Travelled Wind and
wether provin favrable, We maid safe voyage
and arrive here at Big Owl last Frida mite about
kandle-lite. 'vr ra
| Big Owl ar the naim of our ceuntr-sete. It
ar lokatid on the big surva nj onto the Loan
Fountaing, which ma be foun bi the kurious
sot down IN plane letters on Mister Horskik's
map OF the KOuntl. like to llv nj to plenti
of good 6sick, and this here Loan Fountipg
betes awl to kure things 1t kured John Sto7
virs hay fevir. A man kamped thar wunst as
full of sores as Lazarus, dabbled little in the
water and went ava as smoothe and white az
Naman the Slrlan, arter he war changed from
bein lepperd 1t kures biles, bunyons an ba
kin what's got shippers in it, aud ar warranted
to wash the eech off ov ole Konfedrt soliers
without usin any sope, when awI uther reuedis
hev failed. 1t ar a suvrin BARN for woonds, an
Wln-gauis, Wurrums an warts, an wurks van
dlrs with piles, small pox, pole-evil and pole
Kat bites lnten suoe to send kag of this
Vallyable water to our kongrisman elek. Bein
SO vel perVided with medicin of SIGH vartu I
hav commenced the practis Of fisk Ole Doc
tor Wilson and his SUI Jeems wood like TO line
teens with me but haint agoin to do no SIGH
fuie trik. l kakerlate on drivin boath on EN-
kiene out of the settlement. If beer tell of
ennybody who wants to trade good ridin boss
for No. koon dorg, plese send him along
1t mus be a boss suitable for praktishunper
and nose how to saddil hisself in the dark. NV
practis ar already larg and increasin everv da
In my mex shall repote sum notify kases which
will astonish the fakuty-speshully the Medi
| Gle Sosiety of the Kounty, which / hain't go;n
| to jine | fxis mi own fees and fisiks peenie nj
uncommon low figures. Bein jist kalied off to
see patient, who is suffrin with the bemer
rods, must klose.
d Yours PROFESSIONALLY.
SIMON SOCKS M