The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-02-10
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

all on one side.
cause it is bad image.
WHAT to expect at boys school
BoystcrOus conduct.
THE blowing of the advertisers is what
makes the trade winds
WHY is a man half asleep like twice six?
Because he's doze-in.
THE man i'm debt for his shoes cannot
say that his sole is his own.
CAPITAL punishment for boys-Being
Obliged to sit between two girls at school.
ANY undertaking submitted to a lawyer
for mis- opinion is always pronounced fees
IDLE.
WHY is the nose the leading feature in
every ones countenance? Because every
one must follow it.
THE way to make time pass quickly
Raise row and get knocked into the mid
die of next week.
A sAGACIoUs Philosopher has observed
that if the earth really is hollow, we all
live upon mere crust.
WHY is an address pronounced on
board a ship like lingering. Because
it is decoration deck OratioD).
LIEUT.. GEN. SHERIDAN was made the
happy recipient of gold watch at the
Elgin watch works on Thursday.
THE Boston Transcript says "anthra-
cite is drug" If it is, it must be one of
the drugs that is good for a cold.
WHY may we conclude that a man fond
of solitude is in pecuniary difficulties p
Because he is always trying to get alone.
THE Washington Life Insurance Com
pany of New York possesses a combina-
ton of every desirable feature known to
the business
NOTHING like punctuality. Mr. Shirk
was never known to stay second after
the hour at work, and is invariably on time
at his meals.
81 LIKE to read epigrams against us
women" said Mrs Clever. "Whcn a cul-
prit clanks his chains you know that they
are on him.
PRETTY TEACHER" Now, Johnny
Wells, can you tell me what is meant by
miracle?' Johnny" Yes, teacher
mother says if you don't marry the new
parsOn it'll be Il miracle"
A TRENTON paper reports that an aged
couple who celebrated their golden we'd
ding in that city recently, are childless,
but this deficiency was supplied by gifts
from number of the guests"
A RECORD was recently made on the
Coroner's books in New York, that
Charles Burns, boy, died suddenly at
No. $50 East Thirty first street, without
the aid of a physician. g"
TIE jealous man is always hunting for
something he doesn't expect to find, and
after lie has found it he is mad because he
has. lie is always happy just in proper
ton as he is miserable
WE trust the day is not far distant when
the Washington Lille Insurance Company
will become SO widely known and trusted,
as it deserves To be, that all our ministers
secretaries, and business men generally
will avail themselves of its rich advan-
tages.
TIE Detroit Free Pres, says no stone
giants having been dug up lately, it is
probable that the trade in this line is dead
though perhaps people are waiting for the
frost to get out OF the ground, SO that the
digging won't be so heavy
"BIDDY," said lady to her servant, 81
wish you would step over and see how old
Mrs Jones is this morning" In a few
minutes Biddy returned with the iDforma
ton that Mrs. Jones was Just seventy two
years seven months and two days old
"THE boy at the head of the class will
state what were the dark ages Of the world.
Boy hesitates. "Next-Master Smith, CAM
you tell what the dark ages were:" 81
guess they were the ages Just before the
invention of Spectdcles." $50 10 your
seats"
WANTS. contemporary wants ffer
and drummer to beat time for the "march
of intellect" pair of shutters TO trim
the I" light of other days :" a ring that
will fit the finger of scOrn;" loose pull
ley to run the shaft of envy" and new
cushion for the seat of government"
A LITTLE STORY.-Fanny was pretty
and had clear sweet voice. Fred pro
posed to her, and she said, eyes" Re
yeallng his happiness to his friend Frank,
Fred told of the joyous ring there was in
Fanny's voice when she accepted him.
"A wedding-ring, l suppose, old fellow"
was Franks neat reply
A MAN sentenced to be hanged prayed
for reprievs, on the ground that he had
Tor the operation of hanging; he feared
he said, that the most alarming conse-
quences might ensue if he were hanged in
his present condition.
DIDN'T SEE IT" Did you tako the
note, and did you sec Mr.. Thompson,
Jack| Yes, sir" "And how was he ~
why, he looked pretty well, but he's
very blind. Blind what do you
mean ," "Why, while l wur in the reom
he axed me where my hat wur, and it wur
on my head all the while"
A MYSTERIOUS deaf girl has been agi-
tatlng San Francisco A reporter went
TO interview her, and while taking down
the points, INDUCED in remarks which
would not have been complimentary il
she could have heard them. She stood it
for some time, but finally emptied the
coal scuttle over him and pitched him
down stairs. He doesn't believe that she
is deaf
THE original model Of telegraph bat
terry, filed by Professor Morse. when he
got his patent, has been unearthed from a
lot OF old rubbish in the cellar of the Pa.
tent Office. where it has been living for
years. The clumslncss of the signal-key,
as compared with one of the present day,
is ridiculous. 1t is nearly two feet long.
and has large lump of lead at the end
furthcst from the hand, to throw the kew
up and break the circuit.
AT Mark Twain's lecture at Ogdens-
burgh, few days since, he introduced
himself as follows: Ladies' and Gentle
men The next lecture of this course
will be delivered this evening by Samuel
il. Clemens, otherwise Aark Twain, a gen.
tleman whose high character and unim-
peachable integrity are only equalled by
his comeliness of person and grace of
manner. And am the man. You will
excuse me Tor introducing myself, for
have just excused the Chairman from in
Producing me. know it's not the usual
way, but the fact is never yet have found
a Chairman of n Lecture Committee who
was equal to the task of introducing me
MS ought to be introduced"