The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1870-05-05
Hoofland interviewed.

iously, as if the clerk of the weather.vex-
ed by some luerulous para graph reflect
ing on the management of his department,
had ordered his understrappers to throw
cold water on our efforts to entertain the
public. The city news market was as
dull as the leaden sky, and the country
sheets, guiItless of any thing that SAVIOR
ed of the sensational. were in every sense
of the phrase wet blankets. Melan-
choly as dyspertic owl, our livliest re-
porter sat brooding in corner, scratch
ing his head and finding nothing in IT
but vacuum. A bright thought struck
US. Such things will sometimes happen
to az editor, even in northeast rain
storm. ''Let somebody be nteruie,oed,
We exclaimed, looking up at our played
out dttache. He frightened up and in
quired who it should be. We cogitated.
The leading politicians, fnanciers and
clergymen had all been done-ln fact,
overdone. The public was tired of them
1t was of no use going through" any
of them again. Another bright idea
flashed through our pericranium. Drop
in" said we. ION man who has never
yet been interviewed-a public benefac-
tor, whose name has been before Il e peo
PIC IOi tiiilty xtdIS, diO W " hoiti 'h''.'
ands of them owe the good digestion that
waits on appetite and the health that
waits on both-a veteran philanthropist,
whose name from boyhood's hour, has
been as conspicuous on every coign of
vantage as the Handwriting On the wall
in Relshazzar's palace, and who, at
time when but too many candidates for
public favor are weighed in the balance
and found wanting continues to enjoy
the confidence of the masses. In short
land, and report the result at these head
quarters.
1T is bitter day remarked our
special.
''1he more appropriate we replied,
for an interview with the discoverer Of
the most popular Bitter in existence.
Electrified by our bitter pun, he took his
hat and umbrella and vanished tout de
suite.
In about an hour and half, ne return
ed with the following
REPORT.
Found DIR. Hoofand in his laboratory
with face as full OF benevolent sunshine
as day In June, and opened fire upon
him at once.
Report@-Good morning, doctor. I
have come to interview you.
Doctor IL (dryly)-Ah! In my young
days they called that sort Of thing pump
ina. Bat this is the age of WORD paint
ing" Go ahead
Reporfer-How old are you, doctor?
Doctor-WeG, yoa need mt mention it
to the ladies'; but I'm in my eighty
seventh year.
Repatriation are wonderful hale
looking man for that age. Excuse me,
doctor; but do you take your own medi-
cines?
Doctor L do, young man, perhaps If
[ did not / shouldn't be the ''hale fel-
low, well met" Tou seem to think me.
Rep0rter-l can remember your RENE
dies ever since [ was a boy. Are they
still as popular as ever?
Doct0r-Unless my ledger and my
blank account deceive me, young man,
their sale has been steadily increasing for
more than twenty years.
Rep0rter How mich, at a rough,
have you expended in adv ertising during
that period?
--Doctor-In round numbers, about a
million OF dollars. It costs great. deal
the newspapers. The tolls on the turn
Pike Of the Press are pretty heavy.
Reporter-Yes; but it's the only road
goal of universal publicly and universal
acceptance. What remedies are You pre-
pairing now.
Doctor-Four: "Hoofand's German
Bitters.' ''lIoofanG' German Tonic :"
"Hoofands Greek Oh, and Hoofand' S
Podophyllin (extract of Mandrake
Pills. p"
Reporter-I should like to have a
brief account Of the nature of these
remedies. :
Doctor-Certainly. The Bitters is COM
posed Of fluid extracts--the active prin
ciple of roots and herbs grown in Ger
many. 1t contains no alcoholic stimu-
LIANT, and is the most potent generalreme-
dy known for Dyspepsia, Liver Com
plant, Jaundice, Debility and all dis
ease Of the digestive and secretary Or
gans.
Reporey-The "Tonic' is made from
the same ingredients, and IS intended for
the same class of ailments, is it not?
Doctor-Yes; but it contains in ada
ton a certain amount Of pure Santa
Cruz Rum, the finest stomache in the
world, where a diffusive stimulant is
necessary. 1t IS also delightfully."- favored
with aromatic extracts agreeable to the
palate, and is intended TO take the place
OF the Bitters in eases where there is a
lack Of constitutional vigor and vitality.
1t is also powerful blood depurent, and
a purifier of ali the animal fluids.
foeDortey-Well doctor, and what is
Greek Oil?
Doctor-Ihc great antagonist Of PAIN
1t instantly alleviates the torture Of
Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Toothache,
Headache, Earache, Sprains, Bruises
and the like. Pain cannot long exist
when it is properly applied.
Rep0rter-The Pills, doctor, what are
they?
Doctor-A compound of five vegetable
extracts. The alcoholic extract Of Man
drake, called Podophyilin, which acts on
the liver as powerfully as mercury, with
out any of the evil efeots of that PERM
cious mineral, Is the most important. OF
the others, one acts upon the stomach,
two upon tie upper and lower bowels.
and the remaining one renders the opera
ton of all the rest painless. Used in
connection with the Bitters and the Ton-
ic, they ere an absolute specific for Liver
Complaint, Dyspepsia and Constipation
Indeed | know OF disease, not organic,
which can withstand the Alternative and
rerovating action Of these three rene
dies.
Rcporter-These are certainly remarka-
bic statements. Can you establish them
by competent proofs.
Doctor-i'roofs sir-look here (tak-
ing down from shelfa thick quarto vol-
ume, and displaying its contents. This
contains over five hundred testimonials,
and | can show you several more vol
umes of the same size, if you will step
into my II brarv in the nnyt room Here