The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1870-01-01
Selected story.
[From the New Orleans Republican,
Arch Cooney as q Witness.
A Dance nj MechanicIKsburg aud q j ury
Case-A XaZ0O Sketch,
BY VIM. HALL.

happened down in the lower eend of Iazoo
County, which shows what everlasfln Ioois
some people ar, aud they think they d, enlare'
We'll, YOU see was summoned 10 pear as
witness fore the Gran ou,y vi Ihe orklt
Coort. TO tell what knowed bout a case of
stabping with butcher kuife, which tuck
place at ricsbug-a leetle hell-hole of
a place bout four miles from Satastia. Talk
in bout Satastia, it used to be the durndest
that ever cum along. 10 Cole Used to call it
the 'jumpin' off place." for, says he, when
you go to Satastia, an stay about thar much,
you amt got but one more step to take before
you land III everlastin' redemption That was
10 Coles pinion thirty years ago, but the
place has improved mitily since, tor the Yam
KEGS burnt it down and kinder purified it.
But that amt here nor thar. Twas sum-
monzed before the Gran Jury to testify bout
case OF stabbing, an as L wouldn't go the
lust time, the Depety Sheriff he cum an took
me on writ Of snatchum ketchlm, or sas-
horari, or sumthin OF that sort, so l had to 90
notus Uotas. or whether would or no. l of
tered the Deputy Sheriff five dollars to make
return on the writ of cup stumpum, nom
come-at-ibus in Swampo," but he swore he
wouldn't do it for less than ten. So he sed
had to went, an vented.
When | got into the Gian Jury room, thar
sot while passed. of felIers. on lot of bench
es, a chawin hacker, an smokin, am SQUIRT
terney he was thar, with whole bundle Of
papers before him, tnkin to the Gran Jury,
an readin' um the law. AFTER he had pallav-
cred awhile, he turned round to me, and seq
he, bleeVe your name is Arch Cooney, SEE
he.
You ar right thar ole boss, SEE l, for by that
name was christened, leastways the old folks
t)ld me that my full name was Archibald, but
the boys always in generally knock out the
and go it blind on the ball; they leave ball off
an call me Arch for short. But seq /, would
like to know how you knowed that, bein' as
how we amt never been interdoosed?
He didn't say nothin to that, but looked
kinder glum like, an ups an seq:
This is the case of the Stait of Mssissip
against Jim Smith, on a charge of salt an
battery on Zeke SlemmonS, an tcr attempt TO
kill the same by stabbing with butcher knife.
Mr.. Cooney, do you know ennything bout
this here case?
was bout to say didn't know durn
thing about it, when the foreman of the Gran
Jury he let fly his CAB, an seq he, hold on
mlnlt, an, let the witness be sworn.
well, they swore me, an then the Deestrict
attorney he axes me the same question aein,
an seq he TO me, seq he, reccollect, Mr.. Arch
Cooney, you ar on your oath now, an YOU
must tell the whole truth.
SEE |, Mr. Deestrick Attorney, it's, myself.
that has tuck my Bible oath in this here case,
an recon know what am about.
See he, Do you know emmy thing bout this
here case SEE he, sort serviserous like?
If know myself, SEE 1, an thinks does,
knows good deal about it.
Well, SEE he, state to the Gran Jury, as sue
cinetly as possible, all you know about the
matter
That word succinctly" kinder got me down,
Tor 1t was jaw breaker to me, an thought
praps 1t mout be trap to catch me in lie.
NM rInt =,
WORD :" succinctly"? seq L; am too old a
coon, Mister DeestIick Attorney, to be cotch
napln' IN that way, an if you talk to me you
must talk English, Or rot my everlastin' hide
If don't take myself outer this here court
room quicker than - can scorch a feather!
III don't, seq |, dern ole Roper!
Then the Gran jury they all commence
iafhn like parsel ofdurned tools, an the Dees-
trick Attorney he looked kinder queer outen |
the corner OF his eye an hollered out, "Silence
in court" an made more noise than all the
other fools put together!
That made me as mad as all everlastin' |
wrath, to see UNI all latin SO, am SEE |, look |
here, gentlemen, If you had me brung here to
that's your sam an o E9 %as out into the
street. at a time, an may / be titotacious-
ly obfusticated if I don't cowwallop the last |
one oil you! |
This sorter cooled EN- down, an the Dees- |
trick Attorney, he then egsplaned what the |
word" succlnctly" meant, an up and axes me
know ennything about this here case? SEE l,
if know myself, l thinks l does. Fact is,
gentlemen, SEE l, am nifty sorry you sum-
monzed me here; for if thar is ennything | |
hate, it is bein' obleeged to put in my CAB |
bout other peoples bizness. Likewise, SEE l, !
Jim Smith is friend of mine, for raised |
him from pup, an so is Zeke Slemmons, an /
yuh oty fp caxrc lc Co., It'll
Jail, or causes him to be fined hundred dol
lars for fighting, rot my purity picter if
wouldn't rather coon it up a 'Sinmon tree
backaIds, an all the purity gals IN ten mile
aroun' Satastia lookin' at me, than to say a |
word bout the bizness. tEE
Here the Deestrck Attorney he opened his |
trap sorter mad like, an SEE he to me: Be so |
good, mister, as to go on an tell what you |
know about this here case. If you don't, |
SEE he, Pll fine you five dollars tor contempt!
This sorter red me little, too; an turn
in round an lookin' at him sorter savigerous
like, SEE |, gentlemen, if every man in Yazoo
County is 10 be found five dollars for contempt
OF this here court, am YOU attemp' to collect
it, rot my lide il thar will be wolf skins enuff
lett in the county to pay taxes with!
He didn't seem edzacly to understand what
that meant an scratched his he'd sorter iu-
bious like. Co. Fl
What you know, Mr.. Cooney, SEE he, please
inform us as soon as possible.
Well, SEE |, gentlemen, I'll tell you all |
know about it, am if Jim Smith is convicted
on this charge an saunt to the Penitenshy, OF
found hunnred dollars, I'll join in a petition
to the Cover to have him repreeved outen Jail
orpay the plaguy hundred dollars myself!
wen, gentlemen, SEE l, this was the way of
1t. Thar was gwine to be sort of ball or a
dance, or shindig, or ole Virginny reel, at
Mechanlcsberg, in Mat Reeds old blacksmith
shop, an' all the purity gals an the good look |
IN fellers, among which was one of whom, |
was invited to be thar. Jim Smith an a purity /
gal he was settin' up to, he was thar, an'Ze |
Slemmons, an his sister, sally Seprhoulsba /
Slemmons, an 10 Cole, an Bill Tucker. with /
the gals, an the durndest lot of people Won /
ever seed. They danced on puncheon floor. /
all Of UNI barefooted, an the next mornin.' /
when the floor was swept up, rot my hide if |
they didn't sweep up nigh ento pack of toe |
nails that had been kicked off in the shindioi
Master Arch Cooney, seq the Deestrick Al
terney, leave out all this rigmarole an tell us
about the stabbing!
>, See here, Mister Deestrick Attorney. seq +.
I'VE tuck my Bible oath TO tell all about this
mere Dlzness, an how in thunder am to tell
unless you let me begin at the beginin?
vr very wen, SEE he, tell it in your own way.
wen wei, seq 1, thar was gwne to be sort of a
pal, or hoedown, or shipdig, up in Mecban-
lSspufs, an Jim Smith he was thar. am Zeke
Semmons; an the purity GALS. thew was nc
tnick on the ffonr a doom tres. "a. ~ ,wa,nn
arter the back water goes down. Thar was
me, myself, an Jim Smith, with his lon@
whiskers hangin' way down below the bottom
OF bis weskit, as red as the tail of a phox: am
Zeke SlemmoDs, an 10 Cole, am Bill Tucker.
an purity gals as thick as dueberries in June
Sally Slemmons, she was thar, with a iockv |
cap on, sot sorter slauchin' like. Jim Smith
he sed he would like to set up to her. but her
nose looked too much like terrier pups for
his use.
Oh, Fiddlesticks, SEE the Deestrick Alter
ney bit go on, sir, 60 on.
Ole Jack Scott, the free niger, was the fid
dler, that Martin Van had hired to cum ont |
thar an play for um, an the way he could }
make boss har and cat gut talk was caution
to Paganini.
Well, the fiddle it commenced playin', an
the boys they trotted the gals out on the
noor; put, as couldn't dance, sot down ON
2 pencn, iooEln like poor boy at II Ollie, for
nad notnin TO say. Toreckly, Miss Synthy |
McFnysic, an ole gal, that nobody hadn't |
lxed to dance, she come am soft down bv me.
N commenced jabberng away in the great :
81 fashion you ever seed She was a ole
e9ald, an thought was little soured with
LIE o, world and things generally. Goodness
la Sa,ins says she, what sort of thing is
!, iii ;ai, y sstlemmons has got on her head.
makes her set it on her stuch III IL NnaI