The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-01-28
EMPORIA NEWS.
no, FOR KANSASi

Two the people of british amerika, the
Youknighted Stats, Canady, Road
Island, island No. 10, Cuba, mishegun,
Knowvy Skoshe, and nu gersey:
Teller Sittysens-being about to in
gage in the Reel istaat bisnes in Impo-
ria, witch is the kaptal of kansas, and
witch is soon to be the kaptal of the
younivers, i want to kali yoor attenshun
to few facts.
Kansas is now klearly shone to bee in
the senter of the habitabul world, and
Imporia is Just Is feat 8 inches south by
south west from the senter of the staat.
Kansas possessus the most slubrius
klimate IN the world. the therMomE
Tor is never nown to rise abuv 81 and
3 quarters and fall belo 81 and hat, at
leest so am assured by The most re
lie bull authoritee in the younivers, to
witt, the reel istaat agents of Imporia-
gentlemen never nown to prevariKate,
and who all without exception belong
TO meeton. (if You don't believe me,
ask brigum Yung.)
Kansas is butifuI sityOuated in latty-
tudc Z west from the dudley observa-
tory at albany, in Longitude 916 south
east from Greenwich, and lays IA miles
cas- of the westerly shore of the crate
Tombigbee river, 3 miles from its juno
shun with the amazon, and is particku-
larly kuoted for its extensive forests of
Rose wood and mayhog-o-ny, its booti-
full indicating prairies stretching as far
as the kan reech, lowered with vast
herds of Bufloes, rattlesnaiks and reel
estate agents, all perfectly harmless as
long as you keep out of reech of their
horns and fangs; but woe to the I'M
luky wight who kums within reech of
either-better for him had he never
bin born. non compis mentus, E Plu-
rubus Unum, &c. &C., which rendered
into inglash, meens tuch not tar, if you
don't want to be deflled. The prinsi-
pie sitties of Kansas are Imporia. 1t is
sityuated on the knee-O-she, within
stones thro of its juncshun with the
Rootton-wood, both of which streems
are knavigabel for an immense distance.
Alligators, no, meen navigaiters, have
never yit discovered where they rise or
cmty. it is supposed that the knee-O-
she rises in the arctic oshun (from the
fact that its waters are always kool-
dears have been nown to freze to deth
a crossing it in dog days. and emtys in
the MEDITERRANEAN sea, neer gibralter.
This is vouched for by the same re-lie-
a-bull authoritee befor spoken of, witch
makes it troo, of korse. Imporia is al
so noted for its palashal residences,
splendid stores, churches, Lyciums, Hoo
tells, but more than all for its magnifi-
sent bilding sites, millions and millions
of which are yet to be had by lowering
the ground with Green Backs, with pic
lures of the spred eagle upon them.
The smaller towns of any note are ell
dorado, lawrence, towanda, topeky,
Witchitaw, and Elevenworth, all of
which are mere legs and arms of I'm
poria, and depend mostly upon us for
supplys, their Fiscal, moral and mental
food. and now Teller sittysens, having
described this literary and syentiffic
senter of the garden of eden, it is only
nessessary for me TO say that am late
from the celestial empire, that am to
be follered in the spring by Trillions OF
my countremen. if you want to by
lots cheep, now is your time. kun di-
rect to me. ignore the jackalls and far.
isees lyeing in wait for you. come al
once to number IS cheap street corner
of conscience avenue, and buy q lo
worth your money. Resp'ty yours.
CHANG NANG WANG FRA,
Reel Istaat agent, late of
Kang Kong, China.