The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1870-03-31
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS,

LIZ increases their signs wonderfully.
THE newest definition of evergreen
is " man who does not learn by exper-
ence."
A GOOD man provides for his children.
A policy in the Washington Life is one
way to do it.
MAKE yourself good man, and then
you may be sure that there is one less ras-
cal in the world.
THE kind of locksmithing that can be
done in the shortest possible time-Mak-
ing bolt for the door.
A PORTLAND club has the following
question proposed for discussion: " Can
a big man ache harder than little man 2"
IF you want policeman it's ten to one
you won't find him; but if you don't want
him, it's a hundred to one he aoiU find you!
THE Washington Life Insurance Com
pany is one of the strongest safest, most
successful, and best managed corporations
in New York.
FoNTENELLE thus daintily compares
women and clocks: The latter serve to
point out the hours, the former to make us
forget them.
PUNNING.
If were punished
For every pun shed,
could not find puny shed
THE word state spelled backward is
etGts; but it is not safe, as regular thing,
to undertake to learn French simply by
going back on your English.
NEVER throw a stone at any one until
you have looked to see whether there is
window behind, or you may have to pay
rather dearly tor your revenge
WHY is a lawyer the most ill-used man
in our social system? Because, though
he may drive his own carriage, he must
draw the conveyances of other people.
"WHY did Joseph's brethren put him
in pit ?" asked Buffalo Sunday-school
teacher. And the reply he got was, Be
cause there was no room for him in the
family circle"
AN afflicted husband was returning
] from the funeral of his wife when a
friend asked him how he was. "Well,"
said he pathetically, 81 think feel better
for that little walk"
TIE agent for patent coffin says in
his circular Undertakers who have
used it pronounce it perfect success, and
we ask you to try it, free of charge, and
judge for YOURSELF
NEVER quarrel with your wife, as you
will only have to make it up, and pay for
the reconciliation in the shape of a season
ticket at the opera, a trip to the springs,
a silk dress, or a cashmere shawl
"WELL, Bridget, if I engage you,
shall want you 10 stay at home whenever
| | wish to go out" "Well, ma'am, I have
no objections" said Bridget "providin'
you do the same when [ wish to go out"
| AT a teachers institute at the East, re
Gently, a lady teacher was given the word
hazardous to spell and define, and did ii
in this style: oh az, haz, ard, ard,
e-double-s, ess, hazardess-a female haz-
ard"
THE proprietor of forge, not remark
able for correctness Of language, but who
| by honest industry had realized COM
Portable independence, being called on at
a social meeting for Il toast, gave Sue
cess to forgery!"
How do you like the character of St
| Paul?" asked a person of his landlady
during a conversation about the apostles
"Ahl he was good old soul, for he once
said, you know, that we must eat what is
set before US, and ask no questions for
conscience sake"
A LITTLE boy in Hudson, N. Y, on re-
turning home from church, was asked by
| his mother to give the text After
thoughtful pause, the little fellow replied,
81 don't hardly remember, but it was
| something about a hawk between two
pigeons" The text was, "Why halt we
between two opinions?"
"DEFlNE the difference in meaning be-
tween experimental philosophy and natu-
raj philosophy" said schoolmistress, not
long since, to one of the most foraoarG Of
her pupils. "Why, MISS" replied the
girl, experimental philosophy is our
asking you to give us halfholiday, and
natural philosophy is your saying, Don't
you wish you may get it?'"
TICKET, sir" said q railroad conductor,
passing through one of the trains, the
other day, to a passenger "My face is
my ticket" replied the other, a little
vexed. "Indeedl'' said the conductor,
rolling back his wristband, and display
ing most formidable bunch of fives.
swell, my orders are to punch all tickets
passing over this road"
! A MASSACHUSETTS paper says: cone
| of the queerest passages ever put in q
town report may be found in that of the
! last annual of the Greenfield Selectnen
| They announce that the town farm and
almshouse have been carried on the past
year to our reasonable satisfaction. Espe-
cially the almshouse, at which there has
been an unusual amount of sickness and
| three deaths
AT an examination one day in school
mar, and in, nediately after requested him
to call another boy, whereupon he shout
ed at the top of his voice: A common
substantive of the masculine gender sit
ting perched on an eminence in an angry
| mood wishes to afticulate few sentences
to you at the resent tense"
The first line of hymn given out at a
prayer meeting so excited the curiosity
of little girl that on returning home
she asked for an explanation the line as
she heard it was:
" Mike Rimes a bird and long have BEEN
A patient ingenuity and an old hymn
book solved the mystery The original
of the above translation was:
my crimes burden long have BEEN
ALL GONE BUT ONE.
Gone all the dreams of early youth
Like morning g vanished ray
Alasl that what deem is truth
Should ever fade away!
Gone all the friends whom once knew,
Companions of my prime;
little thought such friendships true
Could perish ere their time
Goue Gone! Except one-one that shows
How consistency endears;
Ny faithful watchl 1t never goes
1t hasn't gone for years.!
A LADY occupying room, letter B, at
hotel in New York, wrote on the slate
as follows. wake letter B at Z; and if
letter B says Let her be- don't let her be,
nor let letter B be, because if you let letter
b be, letter B will be unable to let her
house to Mr.. B, who is to call at
half-past TO-" The porter, much better
bootblack than orthographist, after study
ing the above all night, did not know
whether to wake letter B or to "let her
be-"
A CONVENIENT Loss OF MEMoRY-A