Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1870-04-28
The Josh Billings Papers
TIGHT BOOTS,


| would iist like tew kno who the man
war who tust invented tie boots
He must hav bin narrow and kontrack-
ted kuss.
If he still lives hope he haz repented
ov hiz sin, or IL enjoying CRATE agony ov
sum kind.
| have bin in CRATE menny tight spots
in mi life, but generally could manage to
make them average; but thare is no SIGH
thing az making pair of tite boots ave.
rage.
Yu can't git an average on the pinch ov
a tite boot more than yu Kan on the bite ov
lobster.
Emmy man who kan wear pair ov lite
boots, and be humble, and penitent, aud
not indulge in profane literature. will make
good husband.
He will do more than that, he will do to
divide up into several fust klass husbands.
and be made to answer for whole naber
hood.
Oh for thepen ov departed VIM. Shak-
spear, to write an anathema aginst tte
boots, that would make anshunt Rome wake
up, and howl agin az she did once before
on previous ocksseun.
Oh for the strength ov Herkules, to
tare into shu strings all the tite boots ov
creashun, and skater them to the s winds
ov heaven.
Oh! for the buty ov Venus. tew make
bigg foot look hansum without tite boot
on 1t.
OH for the payshunce ov job, the Apos-
tie, to nuss tite boot and bless it, and even
pra for one a size smaller and more pinch
full.
On! for pair ov boots bigg enough for
the foot ov mountain.
| hav bin led into the above assortment
oy Obs! from having in my possesshun, al
this moment pair ov number nine boots
with pair oy number eleven feet in them
Mi feet are az uneazy az a dogs noze the
iust time he wears a muzzle.
think mi feet will eventually choke the
boots to deth
liy in hopes they will
| supposed lad lived long enuff not to
be phooled agin in this way, but hav
| found out that an ounce ov vanity weighs
more than pound ov reazon, espeshily
when man mistakes bigg foot for small
one.
Avoid tite boots, mi friend, az you would
the grip ov the devil; for menny man
hez caught for lite a fust rate habit for
swareing bl encouraging hiz feet to hurt
! hiz boots.
! hav promised mi two feet. at least q
dozen ov times during hi checkured life,
that they never should be strangled agin,
but find them to-day az full ov pain az
the stummuk AXE from sudden attack ov
/ tite boots.
But this IL solemnly the last pair ov lite
boots Will ever wear; j will hereafter wear
boots az blg az mi feet if have TO go bare
foot to do IT,
am too old and too respectable to be
phool emmy more.
Eazy boots IL one Of tho luxurys ov life,
but torgit what the other luxury IT, bat
don't kno az care, provided ] kan git rid
oy this pair oy tite boots.
Emmy man ken hav them for seven dol
lars, just half what they cost, and If they
don't make his feet axe wus than all angle
worm in hot ashes, he needn't pay for
| them.
Methuseles IL the only man. that i kan
/ kali to mind now who could have afforded
to wore tite boots, and enjoyed them he
had great deal Of waste time tew be mis-
cradle in, hut life now days, is too short,
and too full ov aktual bizzness to phool
away emmy Of it on tie boots.
| lite boots are an insult to enny mans
understandings.
He who wears tite boots will have to ac-
knowledge the corn
! lite boots hav no bowels or mersey,
their insides are wrath, and promiskious
cussing.
| Beware of lite boots.