Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1870-07-15
NUMBER 16.


HGmefaIiticS.
--Fuus boDss govern the vosSA--
the cartridge box, the ballot boz. the
jury box, and the band box.
Some workmen of a town In
Hanover amused themselves by strip
ping tipcy companion and fasten-
Ing him In that condition, to tomb
stone. A few hours later he was
found there dead.
"A Sunday School teacher In Gal
latin, Columbia County, N. ", on
Sunday last asked nice little boy 10
he had learned any thing the past
week, and was stunned by the au-
swer from the boy that he had
learned "never to trump his part.
ner's ace." .t
"A Portland darkey called at a
drug store for ''settler powder.n-..
Seidleitz was duly prepared, and it's
use explained, but he drank the two
solutions separately. When the
boiling fluid foamed from his mouth
he yelled: "My stomach's bust, r
can't live minute" and bolted
from the store.
Josh Billings says: "There Ia
nothing in this life that will open
the pores of man so much az tn fall
In luv; !. 1t makes him az fluent M
tin whistle, az Timber as a boys
watch chain, and az perlite M
dancing master; his heart Is full ov
sunshine az bayfield,, and thare
amt emmy more guile I'm him than
there liz I'm q stick ov merlasses
candy.
The Providence Herald Ia re-.
sponsible for the story that three
clerks In that, city, being In love
win the same young lady, came 10
her house on the same evening, each
provided with reserved seat tickets TO
Joe Green's concert, when the father
insisted on their playing n game OF
seven>up with him. to see who should
have the girl. The old man
"sknnked" each one, and then kicks
ed them out doors.
"A certain town near Providence
has an exceedingly considerate man.
The other morning he awoke to find
his house on fire. Partially dressing
himself, he ran across the street tim
idly, rung his nelghbor's door-belI,
and patiently waited for some one 10
attend the summons. After a little.
1.-THE man OF the house" appeared,
and the timid man said. II do not
wish to create any unnecessary alarm,
but my house is on are. ....
"A ludicrous incident occurred at
Cheyenne the other day, on the arrl-
val of the Pullman train from the
east. A new hand had been en-
ployed to supply the cars with water,
Ice, &C., and proceeding to discharge
his duties, climbed to the top of a
sleeping-car, and opening the top of
ventilator poured bucket of water
into IL, instead OF the tank near 10.
A shower bath from quarter not
expected was the result, aud the man
learned where the tank wasn't by
that excellent instructor, experience.
"A Democratic member of an
Ohio school board recently delivered
himself of the following: "Mr,
Cheerman, rise for to-that is 10
make a motion, which IL as follows:
Resolved, That there are no need to
build such costive school house as
some Of this ere board is proposin 10
rect. No, Mr.. Cheerman, I'm posed
TO spending money for more houssn.
The old onss srs pretty good yit. asd
for 70 90 30 build pretty slick house
which will cost ten thousand dollars.
or more yet, Its all wasted. It's no
economy to throw away money we
don't need. Taxes cost money, and
money has 10 go to pay taxes, and let
us expense with any more school
housen.