Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1870-12-22

sense I've thought it over,
wud knot dye at all.
|
Young women often keep their lovers
by tears. yes" saws Crumwig, s.loye,
like beef, is preserved by brine,"
When do appearances lead you To sup
pose that man runs the risk of being
burned to death ?-when he smokes.
] A California PAPER says the Japanese
Twill! win universal respect by sort OF
beathenish habit they have OF mInding
their own business
A NOTED prof1igate of Greenpoint SAYS
o. certain congregation, that they pray on
their knees on Sunday, and their neigh
bors the rest Of the week.
One Of the sufferers by railroad
accident was rushing around wildly, when
some one asked If he was hurt NO" he
said," but can't find my umbrella"
| A friend of ours, twitied upon having a
piece of broken crockery standing on his
side board, retorted that he liked to dis
play I" a Bit of plate"
where's yonr filial gratitude, you
naughty boy' What would yon have been
without your Kind father and mother?"
| spose as how L d been an orphan.
Sir
What death would ynu prefer TO die?
said one person To another.
Il don't exactly know. sh ould like
TO try seven or eight before deciding the
point"
A Chinese Doctor in San Francisco
says Ia his patient: " / think you too
much dance, too much fool round. If
you dance, you no get better; too much
eating no good. Goodbye"
Is there any danger of boats blowing a
fellow up!' asked a tinid passenger or
board of steamboat -" No." was the
reply; but The lady there is one Of the
owners, and she is dangerous in that line,
if what her husband say is true"
John, don't give the visitors horses
too many 0als; you know they haye hav."
-"Yeth, thir." said John. moving on
ward toward the barn.-"And bark We.
John, don't give them too much hay; you
know they have oats"
" Do you consider your life worth more
than other peoples ?" Indignantly asked
gentleman of a negro who was the first to
leap into boat from snagged steam
boat on The Mississippl. " It's with
heap more 10 me, marster," was the un-
answerable reply.
A Bachelor, after all his matrimonial at
tempis, patheticcally exclaims: "Wben l
remember all the girls I've ever met
together, | feel like rooster that's ex-
posed TO every Kind of weather: feel
like one who treads alone some barnpard
all deserted. whose oats are fled-whosc
hens are dead, and off 10 market started
Why does the minister have more wives
than any one else? Because he often
marries a couple at time.
A man we have heard of il so short that |
when he is i'll he dor't know wether he |
has headache or corns.
Thee knows l never call anybody |
names, buf. William, ifthc mayor were /
to say 10 me: Joshua, | want thee Ia /
find me the biggest liar in this city," |
would come to thee, and say 10 thee:
''William, the mayor wants to see Thee"
\ little boy, six years old, and little |
girl. eight, were looking at the clouds |
one beautiful summer evening. watching
their fantastic shapes. when the boy ex-
"Oh. Minnie, see dog In the Clouds
Well, Willie" replied the sister, = il
must be a sky terrier"
''Can you see me?' said lawyer to an
old lady who was nearly blind. and wit
ness on the opposing side. .'Yes," was |
How well can you see me?' /
persisted the lawyer" Well enough," |
responded the lady, to see that you're |
neither q negro an Indian, nor gentle |
men," The answer shenccd the counsel |
"Iihin.x" saidalr Alcott, ''when man
lives on beef he becomes something like |
an OK; II he eats mutton, begins 10 look |
sheepish; and If he feeds on pork. may he |
mt grow p;gish?" THAT may be- said
DR. Walker. But wien a man lives on
nothing but vegetables, think he is apr
TO be pretty small potatoes
In a county graveyard in New Jersey
occurs plan stone, with this inscription: |
Julia Adams. died of thin shoes, April
u. 1859, aged nineteen"
SMALL MIsTAKEs.-As mipistsr and
lawyer where riding together, saws the
minister TO the lawyer" Sir. do you ever
make mistakes in pleading?'
Il DO, said-the lawyer
"And what do you do with the mis-
,akes?" inquired the minister.
"Why, sir, If largesones, let them go,
said the lawyer. "And pray. sir co.,
iinued he, do you ever make mistakes in |,
preaching?"
"Yes, sir, have"
"And what do You do with mistaken
said The lawyer.
'Why, sir, disposd of them az you do:
rectify the large, and let the small go.
Not long since, continued lac. s.as was
preaching, meant to observe that the de-
vii was the i;.ther of liars; but / made
mistake, and said the devil was the father
of towyers. The. mistake was so small, l
let it co.,
THINGs NO LADY CoSFEssEs To.--You
can never, by any accident, get lady
(be she young or olu) to confess: That
she laces tight; that her shoes are too
small for her; that she is as old as she
looks; that she has Kept you waiting; taat
she bushes when certain persons name
is mentioned, that she ever says thing
she doesn't mean; that she--she of all per-
sons IN the worlds In love; that she
can't keep secret; that she can do with
one thing less when she is abou. to travel.
tfrat she hasen't the disposition of an
angel or the temper of a saint,--or else
bow could she go through one half of
What she does? That she doen't know
better than any one else what is best Cor
her: that she is a fiirt or a coquette; that
she is ever in the wrong. -.
Halov, there Sambo,. you darkey dare,
wild the brick in your mortar bod!
Halo yourself wat business you got
intsrrupten gemem wild your noise!
But see heah Use got conundrufum for
you to selucidate, dafs all.
: OH cu-yaw. Jest lif ii ober den.
Why am dat sun up dar in de bebbens.
scaftern his life beams upon this mum
dane STATE of existence, like the Coffee
you by'in de stores, dat wat l ak You.
Yes, dat wat you ak me. Yes, dafs YES.
Sambo, dais wat want you to conform
me, dis mornin-if II Is discordin to de
state of your brack inrellects Civilization.
Well yellow niggar, CUBS it up, and
wants you to tell me why. am de sun mp
| in de hebbens wild his life why am
de sun like de coffee you by In de stores3