Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1870-03-04
9Nisttuanp.
MY WIFE'S BRIDAL TOUR.
BY NOSE SKINNER.

When married my second wife, she
Was dreadful set about going off on q
bridal tour. told her she had better
wait six months or year and I'd try to %
with her. but she said she'd rather &C
alone-when woman was travelling q
man was an out and-out humbug.
So gave her seyenty-tve cents, and
told her to go off and have a good time.
never begrudge money where my wife's
happiness is concerned. My first wife
never could complain of not going any
where's. for I'm dreadful fierce TO go of
on a good time myself, and always was.
don't pretend TO say how many times
took her out 10 see the engine squirt
and there was no end 10 the free lectures
| let her 60 to. The neighbors used to
saw; 1T does beat al how the SINNERS
do go"
When Signor Blitz was in Slunkvill,
with his wonderful canaries, he gave my
wife a complimentary ticket. / not only
sold that ticket tor my wife. but gave
her half the money. | don't boast oil it,
though; | only mention i. to show how
much | thought ofmy wiie's happiness.
don't think any man ought 10 get
married till he considers his wiie's happi-
ness only second to his own. John Wise,
neighbor OF mine. did thusly. and when
/ got married. | concluded I'd do like
Wise.
But the plan didn't work in the case OF
my second wife. No. l should say not.
bl cached the subject kindly.
Matilda said. Il suppose you are
aware that | am now your lord and mas ter.
"Not much you amt" said she.
Mrs skinner | replied ''you are
fearfully demoralized. You need reorgan-
izing at once. You are cranky" And l
brandished nv ne W sixty two cent umbrel
Ia wildly around her head.
She took the umbrella away from ME.
and locked me up in the clothes-press.
/ am quick TO draw an inference. and
the inference drew was, that was not
success as rc-organizer Of female
women.
After this changed my tactics. let
her have her own way, and the plan
worked 10 a charm from the very first.
It's the best way of managing wife that
know of. OF course this is between you
and me.
So when my wife said she was bound
TO 60 off on bridal tour anyhow. |
cordially assented.
Go, Matilda said 1. land stay as
long as YOU want to; then if YOU feel rs
though YOU would like to stay little
while longer. stay. my dear, stay"
She told me TO stop talking, and so up
stairs and get her red flannel night-cap.
and that bag of penny-royal for her Aunt
Abigail.
NV wife Is 4 very smart woman. She
was Baxter, and the Baxters are very
smart family indeed. Her mother, who
is going on eighty, can fry more slap
jocks now, than half these primed up
city girls, who rattle on the piano, or else
walk the streets with their furbelows and
fixings, pretending to get mad if young
chap looks at 'em pretty hard. but getting
mad in earnest il YOU don't lake any
notice of them at all.
All 4! girls amt what they used to be
when l was young, and the fellows are
worse still. When l went courting.
for Instance. never thought of staying
till after ten o'clock, and only went twice
week. Now they 60 seven nights a
week, and cry because there amt eight.
Then they write touching notes 20 each
other during the day. Dear George. do
you love me as much now as you did last
night' Say you do. dearest. and it will
give me courage to 60 down to dinner.
and tackle them cold beans left over from
yesterday"
Well, well, l suppose they enjoy them
selves, and it amt for us old folks, whose
hearts have got little calloused by long
wear, to interfere Let them get to-
gether and court, if they like it-and l
think they do. l was forty-seven when I
courted my present wife, but it seemed
just as nice to sit on little cricket at her
feet, and let her smooth my hair, as it
did thirty years ago.
As said before, my wife is very
smart woman, but she couldn't be any
thing else, and be Baxter. She used to
give lectures on Woman's Rights, and in
enc place where she lectured. big
college. conferred tho title Of LII. ID. up
on her. But she would not take il. mo,