The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1870-04-23
NEWS ITEMS.

A two foot rule-DonSt stumble.
Rolling stock-Cattle on railways.
Bootblacks are all Polish gentlemen.
Natures weapon-Blades of grass.
Original repeaters-The echo of par
rots.
A mis- -take-BlSS of female compost
tors.
All time belongs to us, for all time is
hours.
Unlawful pharmacy-Compounding
felony.
After the principal thing is the inter-
est.
A questioning ghost-The shade OF
doubt.
Serpents on the hearth-Eels on a
gridiron.
High toned man-The tenor singer
at the opera.
A fat in music is much better than
one in society.
Is a woman of fifty, offering TO vote,
legal tender?
The most impetuous people in the
world-The Rushons.
The bachelors toast-Large fortunes
and small waists.
> The 'sLast of the Bourbon" Miss
Hamlin's new baby.
"Mysterious disappearance" are now
in fashion.
! Can the current of mau's being be
considered the fruit of life?
Improbable MISUNDERSTANDING yarns
at the street corners.
It is better for people to be thought
old than to always be in arrearage.
An eccentric egotist is likely to be
troubled with humors of the eye.
What is JOY To count your money
and find it overrun hundred dollars.
An inexperienced farmer tried to make
corned beef by giving his oxen whisky.
Why are umbrellas like good Catho-
lies ? They keep Tent SO well. We are
a present sufferer.
Farewell, all ties are broken," caused
q railroad accident.
Beautiful Isle Of the Sea-" is mound
on the pile of mud in Jones Falls.
"Bury me in the Sunshine" is the
sentiments of chap that went to the
Springs to recuperate his health.
''We may be happy yet,' was original
respectively eleven and nine years.
"Where art thou Dearest? 2" an ode to
drunken keyhole.
"Kiss me good bye, Darling" was dis
appointed and got ssstern parents"
boot instead ola kiss.
''I'm lonely tonight, love, without
you" was uttered by dutiful husband
who was enjoying himself at the ''lodge." !"
''Linger not Darling" was addressed
to young man-who formed an attach
ment to lamp post.
, {: 'Tis tomorrow" is lie. 1t was the
day before.
sWhy don't the men propose ?" is de-
, c!ared obsolete by the Woman's Rights
, Convention.
} In reply to G.. Brignoly, Prepper Roser
s Wax Smackosh and others, we give the
origlnation of the titles of some of the
e popular songs.
Paddle your own Canoe" was com
posed by virtuous young man who was
: sent out into the world at the tender agt
!, Of 35.
!. "Take me back home,' was suggested
, by an eccentric chap who unvoluntarily
received discharge from :he Aim.
. House.
"Dreaming of thee," was written by
young lady while she was awake.
q "Only little Flower?" was dedicated
S to an actress who received a bouquet
o when she expected diamond ring.
"I'd be STAR" was written by stock
). actor, who has since died from the effects
q of soapsuds, which he swallowed in order
to make an effect and gain his desire.
eyes, let me like soldier fall" wa,
9 composed by patriotic individual, WHIT
). left the country to avoid going into the
}. army,
s The editor of the Newbern Times has
o been compelled to advertise that business
engagements COMPEL him to decline al
challenges.
An Irishman was challenged to fgh
r a duel, but declined on the plea that h,
did not wish to leave his ould mother al
!, orphan.
! Twelve men were frozen to death il
storm of the 18th inst. Six others ar
missing In Oac county, anu IL Is Ieare'
O they have met with similar fate.
B One DIR. Coan, in recent magazin
It article argues that "the insucculence o
}, the American physique is largely due t
v the fact that the American uses so littl
It liquid food )" proposition which tn
e suckuIence of infants, who do use liqui
a food, goes to prove. Eth, Doctor?
Said Artemus ward: "You may diffe
as much as you please about the style Q
le young lady's fgger, but tell you kor
4 fdentially, if she has forty thousan
d pounds, the fgger is about as near rit
If as you will get it"
: A Fenchman who visited the Unite
States and left it in disgust, when aske
,e his opinion, exclaimed, 1.-TWO hundre
ord only ona GRAVY