The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-11-03
WIT AND HUMOR.


dencc,
--"Madame, you said your son was
n lawyer. Has be much practice 2"
"Why, yes, sir, he has u great practice
of smoking cigars.
"A Cincinnati paper advertises for
girls FOR cooking" A contemporary
replies: "You would like them raw
when you get accustomed to them"
"A physician boosted at dinner that
he cured his own ham, when one Of his
guests rcmarked: Doctor, / would
sooner be your ham than your pa
tent"
"A certain doctor asked SpiGkins
which he thought the best way to die.
Surely" he replied, lyon ought to
have learned that much from your pa.
tents"
"A chap who was told by clergy
man to remember Lots wife, replied
that he had trouble enough with his
own without remembering other mems
wives"
"A man called another an eXtor-
toner for sueing him. "Why, my
FRIEND" replied the man who brought
the suit, II did it to oblige you"
40 oblge me, indeed! how soy"
"Why, to oblige you to pay it,"
"A gentleman having servant
with a very thick skull, used often to
call him king Of fools II wsh," said
the fellow one day, "you could make
your words good, as should then be
the greatest monarch in the world"
-"Sr," said landlady to board,
er who had sent his cup forward for
the seventh time, "you must be very
fond Of coffee p Yes, madame, |
am he replied, cor l never should
have drank 50 much water to get q
little"
Somebody, whose estimate of wo-
men is sadly at fault, spitefuIly says:
Eve did not know Us much as the fe,
males Of the present age. Had they
been in Eyes place, instead of being de-
ccived, they would have deceived the
devil"
Its q dcsp'r't thing" said old
"a dcspr't thing, that ere,
young couple who'vc been billin' and
cooin' and maxim eyes at one another
for month, have now gone to the
and got a permit to see if they
AN keep it up for Il lifetime
A disagrecable old bachelor, be.
NJ rallied on his matrimonial pros
,ccts with, Don't despair; there are
Is GOOD fish in the sea as ever were
,aught, You know replied: YES, l
lnow but somehow it seems 10 me
hat they don't bite as they used to do
MAYER TRIED Ir,--A story is told
d. Il jolly fellow who resided in E,lin-
burg about four years, and when on a
southern visit was asked how he liked
he water up north. 'By George, Mr..
Jones" sail he. after moments re-
lection, II never thought to try it!
Said q Baptist to a Methodist,
i don't like your church government;
t ism t simple enough. There is too
much machinery about it, st is
rue" replied the Methodist, "we have
norc machinery than you; but then
ou see it don't need near so much
'atcr to run it,
Said u distinguished politician to
is son: 'Look at me- began as an
lderman, AMI here am at the top of
he tree, and what is my reward? Why,
when ! tie my son will be the greatest
ascal in the United States" 70 this
he young hopeful replied: "lcs, dad,
When You die bit not till then
-"Johu,' said Il poverty-s,rcken
nan to his son, 1--WE made my will to-
av." "Ah! you were liberal to me,
% doubt" Yes, John, I've come
own handsome. I've willed you the
hole State Of Virginia--to make
wing in, with tie privilege o. going
lsewherc ifyou can do better"
DO you believe in second love,
Ir. McQuade 2" "Do believe in Sec
nd love? IIumph! fla man buysa
ound Of sugar, isn't it swate? and
hen it's gone, don't he want another
ound? and isn't that swatc, too?
roth, Murphy, l do believe in second
)vc."
An old Baptist minister enforced
he necessity of difference Of opinion
y this argument: Now, if everybody
al been of my opinion they would all
ave wanted my old woman" One of
ne dcacons who sat just behind him
"Ycs, and if everybody
as of my opinion, nobody would
ave her.