The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1870-03-11

Misfsltany.
REMEDY FeR ACROSS HusBA5D.

Bedlam let loose PApdemoniun
i'm rebellion! Chaos turned inside out
What is the reason o man cannot b
allowed to sleep in the morning with
out this 6terlasting racket raised abou
his ears? Children cryirg-door slam
ming-I will know the reason of al
this uproar.u
| Mr.. Luke Darcy shut the door of hi
bedroom with considerable emphasis
and went straight to ne breakfast par
lor.
All was bright and quiet and pleas
ant-Bedlam wasn't located just there
and Mr.. Darcy went storming up t.
tie nursery:
All. the field of battle was reached
at last. Mrs. Darcy sat in her low
chair trying to quiet the screams Of al
eight months old baby, scion of tn,
house of Darcy, while rosy boy Of five
years lay ON his back, kicking and cry
ing in an ungovernable fit Of chill lisf
passion.
"Mrs. Darcy" enunciated Luke
with a loud and ominous precision
"may 1 enquire what all this means
Do you know that breakfast is wait
/ know, Luke-I know" said poor
perplexed Mrs. Darcy, striving vainly
to lift the rebellious urchin> up by one
arm. "Come, Freddy, get up and bt
washed"
"No-o-ov roared Master Freddy
performing brisk tattoo on the carpet
with his heels, and clawing the air al
q furious rate.
Like an avenging vulture Mr.. Darcy
pounced on his son and heir, carried
him to the closet, and turned the key
upon his screams.
"Now, sir; you can cry it out at YOU
leisure. Evelyn, the nurse is waiting
for the baby. Well go down to break.
| fast"
"But, Luke" hesitated Mrs. Darcy
"you won't leave Freddy therew
at is temper that Is ut the bottom
1 of these demonstrations, and I'll con.
quer that temper or know the reason
why. 1t ought to have been checked
Long ago, but you are so ridiculously
indulgent.n
"But if he'll say he's soory, Luke ?'i
Mr.. Darcy tapped sharply at the
panels of the door.
care you sorry-for your naughtiness
young man.
A fresh outburst of screams and re.
newal of tattoo was the answer.
az am sure he is sorry, Luke,n plea
ded the mother, but Mr.. Darcy shook
hir head.
Entire submission is the only thing
/ will listen to-" he said shortly.
Evelyn, with dewy moisture shad-
| owing her eyelashes, and a dull ache
at the heart, followed fer hege lord
down to the breakfast table.
A tall, blue-eyed young lady, with
bright chestnut hair, and cheeks like
rose velvet, was at the table, by name
Clara Ruyn, by lineage Mrs. Darcy's
| sister. She opened her blue eyes rather
wide as the two entered.
"Good gracious, Evy; what's the
matter"
Nothing" answered Luke, tartly.
Something is the matter, though" I"
said Clara, shrewdly. What is it,
Evelyn? Has Luke had one of his
tantrums 2"
Luke sat down his coffee-cup with a
sharp click.
You have very peculiar expressions
Mis- Pruyn."
Every true Ones" said Clara, sauci-
ly.
Evelyn smiled i'm spite of herself.
"It's only Freddy, who feels little
cross, and
GA little crossw interrupted the in
dignant husband, Il tell you, Evelyn,
it's quite time it was checked. Oh,
that parrot! what an intolerable
screeching he keeps up! Mary, take
that bird into the kitchen, or shall be
tempted to wiring its neck. What does
all these eggs, Evelyn"
Mr.. Darcy gave his egg, shell and all,
vIndictive throw upon his plate.
"And the plates are as cold as a
stone, when I've implored aga.n, and
again that they might be warmed
Well, / shall eat no breakfast this
morning."
"Whom will you punish most ~ de-
manded Miss Clara.
Luke pushed his chair hack with a
vengeance, and took up his stand with
his back to the fire.
"Please sir" said the servant, depre-
catingly advancing; the gas bill
the man says would you settle it
while"
"Nom roared Luke tempestuously.
"Tell the man to go about his busi-
ness; I'll have no small bills this NOR
ming"
Mary retreated precipitately. Clara
raised her long brown eyelashes.
DO you know, Luke" she said de-
murely, think you would feel better
if you would do just as Freddy does
lie fiat down OH the floor and kick up
your heels against the carpet for little
WHILE"
Luke gave his mischieyous sister-in-
law glance that ought certainly to
have annihilated her, and walked out
of the room, closing the door behind
him with bang that would bear no
false Interpretation. Then Clara came
round to her sister, and buried her pink
face in Evelyn's neck.
"Don't scOld me, Evy, please, !
know / have been naughty to tease
Luke So"
"You have spoken nothing but the
TRUTH" said Evelyn quickly. "Clara,
sometimes / wonder how I can endure
the daily cross of my husbands tenn
per-"
"Temper ~ said Clara, with a toss
of her chestnut brown hair "And the
poor dear fellow hasn't the least idea
how disagreeable he makes himself.n
"Only this morning." said Evelyn,
"he punished Freddy with unrelenting
severity for fit of i'll humor which he
himself has duplicated within the last
half hour.
Evelyn" said Clara, gravely, "do
YOU suppose he is beyond the power of
cure ?'
"I hope not but what can do ?
Shut him up, as he shut up little Fred
dyw
Evelyn's merry, irresistible laugh
was checked by the arch, peculiar ex-
pressio i'm Clara's blue eyes.
"The remedy needs to be something
short and sharp" said Clara, "and the
dark closet system combines both re-
quisites."
Nonsense" laughed Mrs. Darcy
rising from the breakfast table i'm obe-
dience to her husbands peremptory
summons from above stairs.
Luke was standing in front of his
bureau drawer, fiinging shirts, collars,
cravats and stockings recklessly upon
the bedroom floor.
+ I'D like to know where my silk
handkerchiefs are, Mrs. Darcy" Inc
fumed. "Such state as my bureau i.
i'm, is enough to drive man crazyv'
"It's enough to drive q woman era.
~, think" said Evelyn, hopelessly
STOPPING to pick up few of the seat
tered articles. "You were at the bu
reau last, Luke. 1t is your own faultr
"My fault-of course it's my fault p
snarled Luke, giving Mrs. Darcy's boo