Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1870-05-03
Lag2lcb for HaG72aO2'istS.

An Eastern editor notifies correspondents
that If we should desire stupid articles we can
write them ourself.
A Yankee paper says, in an obituary notice,
that the deceased had been for several years
director of bank, notwithstanding which he
died a Christian and universally respected"
Alas for justice More than hundred wo-
men are already studying law in this country,
eate with the prospect Of going to court them
selves, instead of staying at home to be courted.
A Western local appends the following to a
marriage notice: 1.-THE dream of bliss has be-
come reality, and as they stood there-hand
in hand-lm paradlsed, each in the others love
we thought life and love could afford no hap
pier Eden-unless We might change places.
A curious suit is about to be tried before a
Memphis justice Of the peace. A white man
has young bull pup. The pup bit barefoot
ed negro as he was passing. The negro jump
ed, and two teeth were thereby extracted The
negro sues the white man for allowing a vicious
dog to run at large. The white man files a
cross bill, and sues the negro for having heel
tough enough to drag dogs tooth out
fla little boy had colt and dog, and his
generosity was often tried by visitors asking him
to give them one or both of his pets.
One day he told gentleman present he might
have his colt, reserving the dog, much to the
surprise of his mother. who asked
why, Jacky, why didn't you give him the
dog ?''
goes to get the colt, Ill set the dog on him. y
An ice merchant in Greenwich, Conn, who
had been watching bis pond all winter with al
most prayerful interest in hopes of freeze
visited it recently after sharp, cold night, got
on the ice, and finding that it would bear him,
exclaimed, Thank God!" Going still further
''Thank God Il But Oh yenturing trihe fur
ther, and going through up to his neck, he
calculated louder and heartier than ever, ID
the ice p
The editor of the Augusta Ark Sentinel
certainly ought to procure numerous additions
to his subscriptions. Hear him:
1--WE barter here at our office. Wood viii
pay for our representations will too. Or has
anybody got a eft-handed shoe-k knife, or fuz-
zy-hladed barlow. or a wife, or anything else of
that kind that he wishes to trade for a news
paper? Come right along, if you have-you
are our man. This is the place to get your
money back
A good anecdote is told of house painter S
son, who used the brush deXterousy, but IN
fortunately had acquired the habit of putting
IL On little TOO IllcK. Inc Otnor Gay MS Ia
ther, after having frequently scolded him for
his lavish daubing, and all to no purpose, gave
him severe fiagellation. There, you young
rascal said he after performing the painful
duty, chow do you like that?" "Well, don't
know, dad whined the boy in reply, but it
seems to Inc you put it CD darn d sight thick
er than | did
THE COMING GIRL.-The coming young wo-
man must make love to the coaiing young man.
She must whisper sweet nothings to him ''by
moonlight alone" She must VOW that she
woos him not fer his fortune or even his beauty
but for his own dear self She must be careful
of his wrapping5, etc., for fear that angelic
William Jones, Or the divine PhiIander Scrog-
gins, may take cold Man" says an exchange
SIS by nature tinlid and conGdlng; his heart
yearns for love and protection and if woman
would via and wear him in her heart of hearts
she must lead hin gently along the primrose
path Of daance, and not permit the winds Of
heaven to visit his cheek too roughly" She
must write poetry to him; she must sing be-
meath his lattice:
How sweet at eve to see my beau,
Come tripping gown the stairs
I'll catch him in the garden gate
And kiss him unawares.
His breath is like the caramel
His eyes like chocolate cream,
And his kiss is like the candy
One eats within dream"