The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1870-04-22
COL. DEM. --- VOL. XXXIV.- NO. o
Jones Versus Harper.

y
happy fellows as ever were let loose
from college. 1t was vacation" and
we concluded to take trip to the
Falls. We got aboard the cars at NJ,
and were soon travelling very rapidly
towards our destination. We had lust
seated ourselves and prepared for a
comfortable smoke, when in came the
conductor, and who should it be but
our old friend b. After the common
solutions had passed, Fred said he had
some business for us TO attend to.
"Out with it, old chum," said we.
"Anything at all will be acceptable. so
let us have it,"
"Well, boys" said he, sin the next
car there is as loving pair as it was
ever my lot 10 see. They are going
down to II, to get married; and now if
you can have any fun over it, Just pitch
| inn
In moment he was gone, and we
set our heads together to form a plan.
81 have it, boys" said Bill Steevers.
1--WE must make the girl think that her
lover Is married."
THAT'S it Bill-that's it," said we.
not giving him time to finish the sen.
tence.
'Ihat he is married man, and the
father of children" said Bill.
1t devolved upon me to commence op.
erations. Accordingly, 1 entered the
car in which we were informed the low.
ers were. Sure enough, there they
were. The girl. thinking, l suppose,
that she must give her lover all the seat
had taken her seat on his knee, and he
for the purpose of protecting her, had
thrown his arm around her waist; and
SO they sat in real soft lovers style. All
this gathered at glance. Stepping
up to them, / said:
"Why, Jones, what in the deuce are
you doing with this girl?"
The girl rose hastily and seated her.
self on the seat.
"See here, stranger" said the fellow,
"you are mite mistaken; my name
amt Jones'"
"Why, Jones'" said l, 'you certain
ly haven't left your wife and children,
and tried to palm yourself off for sin.
gle man, have you?"
u tell you my name amt Jones; it's
Harper. IT never was Jones' 'taint 90.
ing to be, nuther."
L merely shook my head and passed
on to another seat to see the rest of the
fun. About the time the couple got
feeling all right again, in came Elliott
Gregg. Walking up to Harper, he ac-
costed him with
"Why, Jones, you here? How did
you leave your wife and babies?"
Nov see here, stranger, you aim
t he fust man that's called me Jones to-
day, an 1 reckon l must look awful,
like him, but l amt Jones, an more'r
that, you mustn't call me Jones.
hain't got wife nor babies either; but
this ere gal an me is going to splice,
and then you can talk about my wife,
and l wouldn't wonder but what, in
course Of time, you might talk about
babies, too; but you mustn't call me
Jones!"
This retort brought forth vociferous
laughter from the spectators, and il
also brought bushes to the face of the
girl that twas goin' to be spliced."
"Ah, JONES'" said Gregg, "you'll re-
gret this in the future. / pity your
wife and this poor girl"
$50, Mr.. Harper, your real name is
Jones, is it? and you've been fooling
me, have you? Well, we amt spliced
yet, and don't think we shall be very
soon," said the girl, and hereyesfla flashed
fire.
"Jane, janet" said Harper "don'
you know Pm Bill Harper? Thai
amt a darned drop of Jones blood in
me, an I'll prove it.
At this moment, jeff Jackson, Bill
Steevers, and Jem Beyers entered, and
of course their attention was called to
Harper by his loud talking. They
stepped up to him, and said
"Why, Jones, what is all this fuss
about?"
This was more than Harper could
stand. He leaped up on seat.
"Now," said he, "my name is no
Jones, an can lick the fellow tha
says it is."
BY this time we had got TO H., ano
our friend Fred came into the car anc
got Harper to keep quiet. The girl
that wouldn't be "spliced" requested
Fred to help her on the train that was
going back to S., which he did, and
the notorious Jones, alias Harper
followed her. We learned, afterward
that he proved himself to be Bill Har,
per instead of Bill Jones, and he and
| his oal lane ont Hsnliced -