The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-10-29
HArrn.
The LOVERS.
A Diabolical Romance.
BY BEEMUs.

It was dark, some, and the celestial orb OF day
Aad kissed the stars, and put on his red night
esp, and retired to his ETHEREAL chamber. The
noon, BY some spelled "moyune," but incorrect.
ly, as we contend had "riz" The mewn had
come up on purpose. "The cold, round mune
shone deeply down." and was doing "its level
best" to shone on this mundane spear, (well bot
chats no SLOUGH of an expression). Il gilded the
ssee tops glanced on the house tops, illuminated
the chimney tops, and glimmered in silvery
splendor on the tip top nd Of Sir Gramalkin'a
tail, a. he strobe forth in defiant grandeur, to
engage in mortal combat with Norville, Thorn.
~ cat residing in the opposite alley. Oh! it
was an awful nice night!
At the precise moment when this terrific ro-
nance began to happen, there lived, retired Gin
. cottage by the sea" solitary old woman and
hsr solitary daughter, who lived in solitary CEN
1nement, with no other company than a solitary
"old dog Tray" and solitary cat. This solitary
old woman bore tho remarkable name of the
:'Widow de Sodium" and her daughter the ro-
mantle name of Salna de Sodium, alias Sal Sal
tor. Her hair was gorgeousy red, her face
splendid ditto. She was fair for to see, prettier
than red wagon or ripe puwpkin-if posi-.
bic Near by there lived pious young man.
He got the name of pie-ous, because he liked
s1tch. He was seven feet high, had yellow hair,
and pale, bland face, ornamented with weak
moustache. He wore number fourteen cloth
shoes, with green buttons. His pants covered
his shins down to within foot of his feet, so
that as he walked, he exhibited two feet of legs
and two feet of feet Passing along the garding
on the night when our solemn romance was be.
gun, he espicd the angel of this here. He was
fascinated to the spot. She spotted his fsscina-
ton. He sighed; she sawed. They seed what
both had seed. He became a heroine of this
novel: she became novel she.roine He leaped
that garding wall, and at her feet did fall, and
thus did gently bawl:
"Oh! Sally Ann, my all on you I thought
I'd CALL cause I'll die, will, Il goll.'"
ooh !" she softly screams, "your conduct sud.
den seems-bah! you've been eating greens
Oh don't say you'll die you'll surely make me
cry; oh! heavings, with a sigh; oh ! why ,ciN
you-why!" Then drawing a sigh clear up
from her number seven fairy slippers, she squeals
agentle squall and into his arms doth fall, ex.
claiming: GIVE fainted-seize mo; I've tainted,
but don't squeeze me-that Is gently, and release
me when you see the old woman coming, cause
she'll make it just red hot for you if she sees
me. SO then she fell into his arms, and he
squeezed her, then she squeezed him, and thew
squeezen.ed each other. They agreed no more
to tarry single, but to marry, even if the old
woman should raise "old Harry"
lie had a waxed moustache, a pair of goggles,
and tin tobacco box. She possessed mon.
strous grecian bend and a prodlgious waterfall,
besides lap dog, and freckles all over her face
and neck. Whit more could they need to keep
house with-say?
de gets on his checkered pants, put five cents
worth OF lard on his boots, buys a brass ring
with green glass set in II an inch square drinks
a"whisky sour" to steady his nerves, and sallies
forth. Sally put on her fancy buds sticks a
suntowsr In her hair chaiks ac back of her
ears, rubs brick dust in her checks, and flower
IN her eyebrows, oils her neck with kerosene,
puts IN her Sunday teeth, eats peppermint drops
70 disguise the flavor of onions in her breath.
and goes forth to meet her lover, whose common
name was Biankus Skogg, otherwise Charlie
Church.
They met, twas by moonlight alone, and fondlv
embraced He maketh the waist place Glad he
calls her his heavenly duck his box of pills. his
dew drop, his ginger snaps, his molssses, bird
OF paradise, his geranium, his gympsum weed
his garlic, NORWOOD, his night blooming for
seriousness, his castor oil, and 80 forth She
calls hole in his check, big enough for circus
ring, "a limple." She runs her fingers through
his saffron colored hair, and calls it silken locks
she calls him her sweet balsam of Peru, her GU.
bebs, her cane Juice, her spotted fawn, her speck.
led calf, her dear, darling old sweete. Thew
are married, and 90 way up to Marseilles or
Seneca on wedding tour.
Three months after, she builds raco course
around his eye, she ohews his nose. He plsys
bah with her chignon. She calls him waller
headed gawky, slab.sided BOBBY, pusillani.
mous skeezix. He calls her bedlamite a har.
ridsn. witch, q scarecrow, a "he.cate." She
dsaies 1t Indignantly, swears she 10 is no no cat.
notion cat, if she knows herself, aud goes to