The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1870-09-01
ADVICE TO GIRLS.
By JOSH BILLINGS.

BIZ JOSH BILLINGS.
!. The man who is jealous of every
little attenshun which you get from some
other fellow, you will phind, after you are
married tew him, he luys himself more
than he duz yu, and what you took for
solissitude va will discover has changed
into indifference. Jealousy isn't harte
disease, il IL Il liver complaint.
2. A mustach IL not Indispensable it
IL only little more hair, and IL good
deal like moss and other excressences-
often duz the best sile that won't raze
any thing else. Don't forget that those
things which you admire in a fellow be-
fore marriage, you will probably hev 10
admire in husband after, and mustach
will be very weak diet after a time.
3. If husbands could be o 1k ON trial,
as Irish cooks are, tew thirds ov them
would probably he returned, but there
don't seem TO be emmy law for this =
Therefore, girls, yu will see that after you
git man yu have got to keep him, even
if yu do lose on him. Consequently, if
you have got emmy cold victuals in the
house, try hun on them, once in while,
during the season, and if he swallers them
well, and sez he will take some more, he
is a man who. when blue Mondays cum,
will wash well.
(. Don't marry pbeller who is always
a telling how his mother duz things. Ii is
as bard lew suit these men as il iz TO wean
young one.
D. If a young man kan beat you play
ing on the pianer, and kant hear fish
horn playing in the street without a back
somerset on account of the musick that IL
in him, | say ship him he might an
swer tew tend the babe, but if you PUT
him TO hoeing out the garden, you will
find that you will have 10 du it yourself.
4 man whose heft lies in music (and not
very lefty III tbat) amt no better for
husband than sedlitz powder, but if he
luves to listen while yu sing some gentle
ballad, you will find him mellow and SO
soft. But don't marry ennybody for gist
one virtue any quicker than yu would flap
"a man for just one fault.
6. 1t is one of the most tuilest things
for female tew be an old maid SUCCESS
fully. A great menny has tried it and
made bad job of it. Every body seems
tew look On old maids just as they do on
dried yarbs-in the garnet, handy for sick
ness--and therefore girls, 1t amt IA mistake
that you should be willing to swop your
self oph, with sum true fellow for true
husband. The swop IL good one, but
don't swop for emmy man who IL respccta-
bic just because his father iz. You had
better be on old maid for thousand ears,
and then jine the Shakers, than few buy
repentance at this price. No woman
ever made this trade who didn't get either
a phool, or a mean cuss for husband
Z. In digging down into this subject
| find the digging grows harder the further
| get. 1t it is much easier TO inform you
who not TO marry, than who tcw, for the
reason there iz more ov them.
don't think you will follow my advice
if give it and therefore will keep it,
Cor look on advice as do on castor ilo
"a mean dose TO give and mean dose
to take
But must say one thing, girls don't
spile. If you can find bright,eyed,
healthy and well ballasted boy, who looks
upon poverty ez sassy ez Il child looks
upon wealth, who had rather set down OH
the curbstone in front OF the 5th avenue
hotel aud eat ham sandwich than 90
inside and run in debt for his dinner and
toothpick-! that is armed with that
kind of pluck that mistakes defect for
victory, my advice is to take him body
and sole-snare him at once for he IL a
stray trout, of breed very scarce in our
waters.
Take him, say, and bid onto him as
hornets bid onto a tree.