The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-11-08

head is level now II 1t never was before"
nSS~ 1t is very well for little children
to be like lambs but very bad thing for
them to grow up sheepish. ..
sHr Why is an italian exile returning
to his native land, like man going to
see his son go up an apple tree Because
he is going to see his own sunny cline.
pG~ A wife asked her husband if
druggists kept dye-stuhs for sale.
He replied " Most druggists keep lit
tie else but die-stuits."
pa " Biddy, did you put an egg in
the coffee, to settle it2"
Yes mum; put in four; they were
so bad had to use the more of 'em."
pa" An Illinois postmaster gives notice
as follows After this date everybody
must lick their own postage stamps, for
my tongues give out
DG7s~ " Any tings pite you dare ?" in
quired one Frenchman Of another, while
engaged in angling. "No, notings at all"
Vell," returned the other, "notings
pite me, too"
Bsg~ A little boy having broken his
rocking-horse the day it was bought, his
mamma began to scold, when he silenced
her by inquiring, What is the good of
horse till it's broker"
Day~ A Cincinnati mother got big cow
hide, and invited in a cobbler who had in
suited her daughter proceeded to wax him
with awl her might. The last blow
nearly ended him.
Be7sn " Bones" said wag to milk
man, you ought to roof them cows of
yours" What for ?" asked the other.
= TO keep the water from running into
the milk, replied the wag.
Bsr Quite laugh was raised in one of
the courts by an official, who, when the
chairman called out for the crier to open
the court, said, May it please your hon
or, the crler can't cry to-uuy, because his
wife is dead"
Bag~ A young couple had been married
by Quaker who, alter the ceremony re-
marked, " Friend thou art now at the
end Of thy troubles" A few weeks after,
the young man came to the minister,
boiling over with rage, his wife tuning
out regular vixen. /" / thought You
told me | was at the end OF my truuu-
les?" so did, friend, but dd no. say
which end"
Bsgn An Irishman and IA llepcbuan
were to be hanged together. The Huet
was strongly affected by his sluaaou,
while Paddy took it very easy, and I'D
his companion to keep up his splr.ts ~
it was nothing at all to be hanged.
"Ah, mon Dieu said the trenchmap,
there be one grand difference between
you and me, for you lrishmen are used 10
DGy~ Good-morning, Mr.. Smith "a
the sick list today" . Yes sir; go taa
ague." " Do you ever shake Tls
shake like thunder" "Whru do ysu
shake again 2" Can't say wheu-sh5se
every day Why do you ask! .
nothing in particular-oniy thaugnl /
you shook so bad, I'd like TO stand hy
and see if you wouldn't shake the aIlll
dollars out Of your pocket which you
have owed me so long"
Del9" A story is told of an Irish eI
who called on an apothecary iOr s,ua
castor-oil to be mixed with something
which should disguise its taste Hn
being asked if she liked sod,-wac. .4o
said yes, when the apoti oclry -av ca
glass seasoned with lemon and tue o.
But she still fingered waiting, aud pres.
emily asked for the oil again, when aa
informed her that she had already @seu
it. "Oh, gracious !" she cried e.,
ed it for my brother who is iil
ny" One of the tunnels on the. Pacific
r. r., is SO narrow that it is cusmma
to caution passengers against putting QUO
their heads. A Dutchmau passing
through tells his experience as follows
{" Der conductor he come nit der gar.
and holler like every ting, "to look ont
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