The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-11-22


Deg~ The last book issued in London is
entitled, "What Shall My Son Be Y'-
One would naturally suppose it would be
boy.
DsS1 When man and woman are
made one, the question is, Which one ?
Sometimes there is long struggle be-
tween them before the matter is settled.
Dsy~ A young man in Ohio recently
opened a clothing store, and was sent to
jail for it. Reason: The clothing store
belonged to another man.
1@~ Old Moneybags says chat girl
with an income OF three thousand dol
lars year or more, is always an obiectof
interest, because she has so much princi-
pal.
nay" A Newburn paper says chat Mrs.
Alice Day, of that city, was lately deliv-
cred Of four sturdy boys. We know not
what day may bring orth
AGga A colored lyceum in Illinois is
prepared to debate; Resolved, that a
dog is biped when his tail curls so tight
that it lifts its hind legs OF; the ground"
BGs~ My son." said an anxious father,
"what makes you use that nasty tobac-
Z" The boy declining to consider Ghe
question in the spirit in which it was
asked replied, "To get the juice"
pSy- Two lovers courted Miss Grubb.
One named Gerret was successful. The
other left the country because he detest-
ed garret and couldn't live without
grub.
Besr john" asked physician of the
apothecary's apprentice, g Did Mrs Pine
get the medicine L ordered% "I guess
So" replied John, for | saw Grape
hanging on the door-knob this morning"
BD~ A young lady in New Orleans,
while playing croquet one scorching af-
ternoon, was son struck 1t was a rich
mans son. The marriage is believed to
be happy one.
Deg~ Horace Greedy, in his essays on
farming, says that the only way to effect
ually destroy widows weeds" which
seem to thrive in some kinds of soil, is
for the husbandman to say, Wilt thou p
That makes them wilt
RD" A young lady was asked at ball
by a lover Of serious poetry whether she
had ever seen Crabbe's Tales Why,
no." she answered, 81 didn't know that
crabs had tails" II beg your pardon,
miss" said he, Z" L mean have you read
Crabbe's Tales 2" :" And [ assure YOU.
sir, l did not know that red crabs or any
other kind of crabs had tails"
gsS~ A genial rector of village par
ish in Minnesota found it difficult to get
his salary promptly. La.terly it was
much behind. Going to one of his de-
linquent Pensioners in the hardware
trade, he looked over all his stock of cork
screws very fastidiously, until seeing a
large one of peculiar strength and size.
TO the inquiry, "What do you want of
such thing, anyhow ?" the answer came,
My dear sir, I want cork-screw that
can draw my salary" The payments
are coming more promptly.
Hss~ A Dutchman, the other day, read
ing an account Of meeting, came to
the words, "The meeting then dissolved"
He could not define the meaning of the
latter, SO he referred to his dictionary,
and felt satisfied. In few minutes a
friend came in, when Houty said, Hey
must have very hot wedder dere in New
York ret an agount of meeting we're
all de peoples had melted away"
nay A laughable mistake is shown in
the following mixture of two articles
one concerning preacher, the other con-
cerning the freaks of mad dog-which
occurred in hurried "make up" in a
printing office.
"Rev' James Thompson, Rector of st.
Andrews Church, preached to large
concourse of people on Sunday last
This was his last sermon. In few
weeks he will bid farewell to his congre-
cation, as his physician advises him to
cross the Atlantic. He exhorted his
brethren and sisters, and after the con-
clusion Of short prayer, took whim to
cut up some frantic feats. He ran up
Nv. - ~ II