The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1870-09-06
Thrilling Adventures with wild Beasts
'F'TF In an Express Once. ffff


The life Of an agent has its dangers
and difficulties as well as pleasures, and
also at times is marked with thrilling es.
cape and wild adventure. The agent that
handles the packages marked "this side
up with care" and in the excitement OF
business, revcrses the position of things,
stands as good a chance of being "blown
up" as he who carelcssly drops a can
containing nitro.glycerine. Some queer
express matter is handled occasionly,
such as live rattlesnakes, marked "handle
carefully" brace of fancy fowls, wild
cats, marked boned turkey, which con-
tain glycerine and other explosives too
numerous to mention. On Saturday last
box resembling chicken coop was re.
ceived at the Titusville office Of the I'm.
ion Express Company, marked "D. Rice
Titusville, Pa, (half-dozen grapes)." Do
not annoy the contents" At first the at.
taches of the company paid but little at
tention to the scoop" which from its
marks was supposed to contain boxes of
carly grapes which the shipper desired
handled carefully to avoid confusion and
decay.
The day passed, but the consignee call
ed not for his fruit, and measures were
discussed as to the best manner in which
to collect charges upon the same, when
all discussion was ended by the "con-
tents of the box making charge them
selves; for in the twinkling Of the ex-
treme end of a lambs back bone, several
bald-headed, swect-scented, mischievous
monkeys had jumped from this Pandora's 5
box and taken possession of the office. 1t
seems that the intelligent assistant ex-
press agent at some point had intended
to mark the box "half-dozen gray apes"
but differing from Webster in his spell.
ing, had thus caused the detention of a
box of fruit, which in reality was con.
signment Of moral monkeys for Dan
Rice's show, and which, instead of caper.
ing nimbly about upon the back Of the
scared cattle to the laciS, ,ous pleasing of
cornucopia at Dams great show, had
been wasting their sweetness on desert
air, until hunger and thirst compelled a
raid on the express office.
But no time was lost. The doors
were secured, and armed with sticks of
sealing wax, money packages, and G. O.
ID. packages, the forces of the company
rallied, and lively chase began. The
baboons chattered, the employees indulg-
ed themselves as did the army at Elan.
ders and from one end of the Office to
the other the tide of battle rolled, while
far above the din of conflict could be
heard the voice Of Robinson giving orders
amid the crash of falling boxes and the
smell of singcd hair as the apes dashed
over the candle for melting wax.
"But the battle is not to the strong :"
il it had been the apes would have car
ricd the day, for the atmosphere was fill.
ed with the mingled odor of scorched hair
and pole.cat. The leader of the "What
is it" sat down in a pool of melted seal
ing wax, and in an instant was rooted to
the spot. A second was demoralized by
a quart bottle of ink striking him on the
top knot, showed that if leopard can't
change his spots the monkey cru. A
third ape fell into the glue pot, and was
dragged out by the tail, with each par.
ticular hair standing on end, like the
quails of fretful porker swine going to
war, and the glue solidifying as it came
in contract with the air, he quickly re-
sembled statue cut in wax and var
nished. The animals were finally all Sc.
cured and slowed in the box, where they
are now quietly engaged in Illuminating
upon the fickleness of mans love-and
chewing peanuts. The employees of the
express office look pale, and have the ap-
pearance ofmen who have passed through
Andersonville, but they propose to con.
duct the express business in first class
manner, and baboons, gorillas or other
wild denizens of the forest will be hand
led With neatness or dispatch, as may be
necessary.