The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-10-16
Morning Star ard Catholic Messenger.
~ ORLEANS. SUNDAY. oCToBHR u. is7s.
WIT AND w1sDox.

D i-y
Why should young ladies never wear
ssayst Because it is SO horrid to see girl
A man with a scolding wife says he has
less fears of the jaws Of death than the !
jaws of life.
widower was recently rejected by q
damsel, who didn't want affections that had |
bean nwarmed over"
John Paul says that nothing is raised in /
the vicinity Of Long Branch but the visitors |
indignation at finding himself there.
Some one asked boy how he was so
thort Of his age, when he replied, Father
keeps me so 80 busy that haven't time to |
Tow." d
Once, wien a bad man died, savage wit
being apprixed of the event, observed that
che average value of mankind was sensibly |
raised. ~
ii The New Haven Register says: In the
purth line in the article upon Yale College,
b our last issue, for alum water read
n Ina Mater"
20 How said Mr.. Munsell to Mr.. Yates,
lido you accomplish 30 much in so short q
timei Have you any particular plan I" 81
have-I 60 and do it,"
Young man, do you believe in future
state IN g In course I duz; and, what's
more, mean to enter it as soon as Betsy
gets her things ready"
ST see q villain in your face" said a
Western judge to prison 3P May it please
must be personal reflection"
A cute young wife says When want
nice snug day all to myself, tell George
dear mother is coming, and then l see no.
thing Of him until one in the morning"
A militia officer being told by phrenolo-
,gist that he had the organ of locality very
large, innoceDtly replied. Very likely; /!
1 - nnIn in 10 lnP0
/ militia"
IL is said that the man who won't take a
paper because he can borrow one has in
! vented machine with which he can cook
his dinner by the smoke of his neighbours
chimney.
A young man having devoted himself to
the special entertainment of a company of
pretty girls for whole evening, demanded
paymenG in kisses, when one of them in
stantly replied, Certainly, sir, present
your bill"
A Scotch paper tells the story of a farmer
a who, after the burial of his wife, drove
81 hard bargain with the grave-digger, who,
bringing his hand down on the shovel, ex-
claimed, " Down VII anither shillin', or up
abe comes! !"
81 A gentleman was talking to friend in
the presence of his attorney about the value
of honesty "Honesty !" said the attorney,
Hwhat is honesty 2" "Don't NEEDLE with
/ things which don't concern you" retorted
d the gentleman.
The other day the town crier took in
Il charge lost child, and proceeded to hunt
4 ND it's parents. On being asked by lady
what the matter was, he replied, Here's
an orphan child, madam, and I'm trying to
find his parents"
"sir," said the astonished landlady to a
traveller, after he had just sent his cup for
ward for the seventh time, "you must be E,
he replied, or should never have drank
80 much water to get SO little"
Sambo bought patriarchal rooster.
took him home,n said he, "and my wife bile
him tree hours, and den him crow! My
wife den pop him into de pot with six
pounds of taters, and he kicks EN- all OUT.
He mus bin as old as Meefooslum."
An assistant United States marshal in
Louisville, in taking the census, asked a
colored woman what personal property she
possessed, to which she replied, Nothin'
but desc tree children yere, and dey ami
with much since the Emancipation prokler-
nation"
Tom, twitting Sam on the extraordinary
size of his understandings, said TO MIN /;
think you would be sick all the time.
CHOW SO ~ asked Sam. "Why," replied
Tom. "because there's SO much of you on
the ground"
A Congregational minister of Boston was
caught, one day last week, swearing at q
cow that had kicked over pail OF milk.
On being reprimanded for his profanity,
he said he only swore on such occasions,
and thought he should have to give up be-
ing a Christian, or else trade Oft that COW
A negro preacher holding forth to his
congregation on the subject of obeylng the
commands of God, says; Bredren, what
Z ever God tells me to do in dis book (hoid-
ing mn the Bible), dat Pm gwine to do. II
see In it dat / must jump troo a stun
wall, I'm gwine to jump at it. Gong troo
it longs to God, jumping at it longs &c
! me-"
An alderman came to DIR. Franklin, anf
said he had tendency to the govt, asking
what he coulaAdo to arrest 1T. rake
bucket of watBr and a ton of coal three
times a week" replied the doctor. why
how ~ said the alderman in astoaishment
HDrink cup of the former three times
day and carry the latter up three flights o.
stairs" -
A ragged little urchin, begging in the
street the other day, was asked by lady
who filed his basket if his parents were
living. "Only dad, ma'am," said the boy
OTben YOU have enough in your basket Il
feed the family for some time" said TIT
lady. "Oh, no, I haven't neither" salt
the lad /" for dad and me keeps five board
ers. He does the homework and do TIT
marketin'."