Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1870-07-08
How Mark Twain Once Edited an AgrI.
cultural Paper.

command of o ship without misgivinRs.
But l was in circumstances that made the
salary an object The regular editor of
the paper was going off for a holiday,
and accepted the terms he offered, and
took his place.
The sensation of being at work again
was luxurious, and wrought all the week
with unfagged pleasure. We went to
press, and / waited o day with some So
1icitude to see whether my effort was
going to attract any notice. AS left the
office, toward sundown, a group Of men
and boys at the foot of the stairs dispersed
with one impulse, and gave me passage.
way, and l heard one of them say
"Thats himW l was naturally pleased
by this incident. The next morning 1
found similar group at the foot of the
stairs, and scattering couples and individ-
uals standing here and there in the
street, and over the way, watching me
with interest The group separated and
fell back as l approached, and heard a
man, say: "Look at his eyer l pre-
tended not to observe the notice was at
tracing, but secretly was pleased with
it, and was purposing to write an account
of it to my aunt. l went up the short
flight of stairs, and heard CHEEKY voices
and ringing laugh as drew near the
door, which opened, and caught q
glimpse of two young rural-looking men,
whose faces blanched and heightened
when they saw me, and then they both
plunged through the window with
great crash. l was surprised.
:. In about half an hour an old gentleman,
with a flowing beard and fine but rather
austere face, entered, and sat down at my
invitation. He seemed to have something
on his mind. He took off his hat and set
it on the floor, and got out of it red silk
handkerchief and a copy of our paper.
He put the paper on his lap, and, while he
polished his spectacles with his handker-
chief, he said:
Are you the new editor ?"
l said was.
"Have you ever edited an agricultural
paper beforeH" q,
every likely. Have you had any ex-
perience in agriculture, practicallyp"
"No, believe have not"
"Some instinct told me So" said the old
gentleman, putting on his spectacles and
looking over them at me with asperity,
while he folded his paper into conven-
lent shape. 81 wish to read you what
must have made me have that instinct.
1t was this editorial. Listen, and see If it
was you that wrote it:
them. 1t is much better to send boy up and let
him shake the tree.
"Now, what do you think of that?-
for l really suppose you wrote it?"
"Think of it P Why think it is good.
think it is sense. have no doubt that,
every year, millions and millions of bush
els of turnips are spoiled in this township
alone by, being pulled in hslf-ripe condi.
tion, when, If they had sent boy up to
shake tree"
"Shake your grandmother Turnips
don't grow on trees"
ooh, they don't, don't they? Well, who
said they did? The language was intended
to be 6gurative, wholly fgurative. Any
body, that knows anything, will know
that meant that the boy should shake
the vine"
Then the old person got up and tore
his paper all into small shreds, and
stamped on them, and broke several things
with his cane, and said did not know
as much as a cow; and then went out,
and banged the door after him, and, in
short, acted in such way that 1 fancied
he was displeased about something. But,
not knowing what the trouble was,
could not be any help to him.
Pretty soon after this a long, cadaver.
GUS creature, with lanky locks hanging
down to his shoulders and weeks stub.
BILE bristling from the hills and valleys OF
his face, darted within the door, and
halted, motionless, with finger on lip, and
head and body bent in listening attitude
No sound was heard. Still he listened
No sound. Then he turned the key il
the door, and came elaborately tip-toeing
toward me, till he was within long reach
ing distance of me, when he stopped, and
after scanning my face with intense in
terest for while, drew folded copy oi
our paper from his bosom, and said
"There-you wrote that. Read it tc
me, quick Relieve mel suffer-"
l read as follows-and as the sentences
fell from my lips 1 could see the relic
come-I could see drawn muscles relax
and the anxiety go out Of the face, anC
rest and peace steal over the features like
the merciful moonlight over a desolatC
landscape:
"The guano is a fine bird, but great care is nee
essary IN rearingit. 1t should not be imported
earlier than June nor later than September. Ii
the winter it should be kept in a warm place
where it can hatch out Its young.
1t is evident that we are to have a backward
season for grain Therefore, it will be well TO
the farmer 10 be setting out his corn-stalks ant
planting his buckwheat cases in July instead O
August.
yorite with the natives of the interior of New
England, who prefer 1t to the gooseberry for tn
making OF fruit cake, and who likewise give 1t tn
preference over the raspberry for feeding COWS, q
being more filling and fully as satisfying. Tn
pumpkin is the only esculent OF the orange famil
tnat VIII thrive In Ine North except the gourd an
tom OF planting it in the front yard with the shrut
berry is fast going out of vogue, for 1t Is now ger
etaly conceded that the pumpkin as shade tree
Is failure.
Now, as the warm weather approaches, an
the ganders begin to spawn"
The excited listener sprang toward me
to shake hands, and said;
"There, there-that will dol know
am all right now, because you have rea'
it just as I did, word for word. But
stranger, when first read it this morn
ing, said to myself, | never, never be
heved 1t before, Notwithstanding m,
friends kept me under watch 80 strict, bu
now believe am crazy; and with tina
fetched howl that you might hav
heard two miles, and started out to xii
somebody,-because, you know, knew
1t would come to that sooner or later, ant
SO might as well begin. l read one @
them paragraphs over again, so as to b
certain, and then burned my house dow
and started. l have crippled several pee
pie, and have got one fellow up tree
where can get him if want him. Blu
l thought l would call in here as | passet
along, and make the thing perfectly Ger
Colh auu uOW IL 20 C6ILdln, anu Jel yCl
1t Is lucky for the chap that is in the tree
I should have killed him, sure, as / wen
back. Good-by, sir, good.by-you hav
taken a great load off my mind My rea
son has stood the strain of one OF you
agricultural articles and l know tina
nothing can ever unseat it now. GOOG
by, SIR"
L felt little uncomfortable about III
cripplings and arsons this person ha
been entertaining himself with, for coul
not help feeling remotely accessory t
them but these thoughts were quickl
banished, for the regular editor Wake
inl l thought to myself, now if you ha
gone TO Egypt, as recommended you tt
l might have had chance to get m
hand in; but you wouldn't do it, and her
you are. sort of expected you.
The editor was looking sad, and pei
picked, and detected. He surveyed tn
wreck which that old rioter and those tw
young farmers had made, and then said