The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1870-11-12

SATURDAY. NOFEMBER 12, 1870
HUNOROVa.

SATURDAY. NOVEMBER 12, 1870
HUMOROUa.
mike, they tell me you've got
twin brother" "Yis, so tbs. Me
brother Pat is twin to meself, only
he's born in Ireland and me in the
States.
PLEASE, sir, 1 don't think Mr..
Dosim takes mis- physic reg lar, said
q doctors boy TO his employer. Why
SOP" Cause Wy, he's getting well 80
precious fast"
JUST show me the man who threw
that brickbat," said a waspish little
fellow at row. Il did it, said q
stalTart siX-footer. BY the powers,
said the little man, cycling his huge
opponent, you did it like gentle
man"
DID you present your account to
the defendant" inquired lawyer of
his client. II did, sir" And what
did he say2" "He told me to go to
the devil" And what did you do
then?" Why, then-I came to you"
BE you good2" asked bright lite
tie chap Of Miss Bud, his Sabbath
School teacher, the other day. "Oh,
no, was the becoming reply. You
ANT? Well / knew you wasn't pref
~, but 1 always thought you was
good"
A JURYMAN was asked whether he
had been charged by the judge.
Well" said he, "the little fellow that
sits up in the pulpit and stares at the
crowd, gave US q lecture, but | don't
know whether he charges anything or
aot."
A CENsUs-TAKER recently asked
servant girl In the vicinity of Boston,
how many regular, steady boarders
there were In the house. She informed
him that there were fifteen boarders
"a all, but not more'n four of 'em is
steady; the rest ia dimmecrats
LILLE her brother called
&C q house or their way 10 school, one
cold morning, to warm themselves.
Some doubts were expressed as to her
brother being old enough to attend
school. "Oh yesl" said Lille; "he Is
six; and mother says III he hadn't
been sick he would have been az much
- seven or eight!
DR.. COAN, a missionary for years
among the Sandwich Islanders, says
he pictured Heaven TO them as q
place of everlasting rest, where there
would be no fighting, war or hunger.
The picture had no charms for them.
we are too old 90 desire change in
our life, said they in substance. TO
20 those young men over there. They
IRE too lazy to shin up the coooanut
Or bread trees to get their food they
nay like to go to such place as you
describe. Or to those fellows there !;
hey are towards, and will be glad to
20 where there is no Sighting. We
are not afraid of it.
DEBT.-Debt is a perfect bore. 1t
haunts a man from pillow 10 post,
lurking in his breakfast cup, poison
ing his dinner, embittering his tea !
How it stalks from him, living, a
moving skeleton, seeming to announce
his presence by reeounting his liabil-
tiles. How he pOisons his domestic
Joys, by introducing its Internal bali
ance into calculation of madam re-
sDecting the price of new carpet or
q new dress. How it binders dreamy
plans for speoulations, and oripples
resolutions too good to be fulfilled
At bed and board, by night or day. in
Joy and grief, In health or IN sickness,
aE home or abroad, debt-grim, gaunt
and shadoWy, falls as an ineumbrauee.
TALKING SHoP. "A farmer in a re +.
mote district of the Yorkshire wolds
recently met a country rector who had
been two years absent on travel.
Mr.. Rector" said the farmer, you We
been to the Holy Land, l hear" II
have, John, and got safe back, you
see." We'll, often though I'D like
70 hear about that spot. Its a fine
country, lay" well" said the rec
tor, 81 saw Lebanon and Jerusalem,
and the twelve palm trees, aud the
wells of water In the desert, and VIC
vent across the Jordan, and went up
Mount" Excuse me interruptin'
you, Mr.. Rector, moo. But if it be a
fair question, hoo was turmets (tur-
nips) looking out yoEder?"
MISTAKES will happen, but o little
presence of mind. and good deal OF
audacity, will sometimes get person
out Of a very awkward position. A
London paper tells the following an
eadote in point: Two youths were
speaking to each other in crowded
ballroom. "Oh, look at that old man
what a ridiculous head he has got,
says one. II beg pardon, it happens
to be my father, says the other. Re-
plies the first: Indeed, that is your
most respected father? Well, could
you see mine-it is quite another af-
fair-he is twenty times more ridicu-
lous." The two laughed, shook hands
and understood each other perfectly,
supporting himself at the gate OF church,
A drunkard, one morning, was seen;
A friend, passing by, mucn SURPRISED at
the sight,
Cried. "NeIghbor, pray what does this
mean?
Have You Joined the church. and with
honest intent
Come here to sing, praise and pray?"
Well, no, not exactly the dT1nkard re-
pliedi