The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-03-19
WIT AND wSD0M.

4
Gratitude is the music Of the heart when
its chords are swept BY the gentle breeze Of
khddheA 4 sS'r" ss'a s@
| dA tOtsmpOrary remarks that philan
thropy sometimes consists Of taking care of
she race snd letting individuals in the next
street starye.. ...a-t
When Scotch minister told-his neigh
Dor thaths nAad preached two hours and
half The day before. the Dsighbor said to
him Why, minister. were you not tired
TO death ~ = Aw. nae," said he, g i was
fresh as rose bat il would have done
your, heart good TO see how tired the con-
gregation was"
A BLoATED British harristocrat," Just
arrived, seeing an immense amount Of hunt
ing displayed displayed from the roofs of
the houses, the other day, adjusted his hi
glass and scrutinizipgly inquired of by
stander, Ny dea fella, aw! aw! what
are hall these ere bits Of stuff fyin' from
the 'owses for :" "A newsboy, who stand
ing near, . was on the lay for the " blarst-
ed scion Of, aristOcracy." answered: Oh.
this is BirthingtoL's wash-day, and they are
drying the linen he wore aud fit 10, in
the Revolution fH
THREE brothers bearing q remarkable
resemblance to- each other, recently went
into the same barber shop, and on the same
day, to be shaved one going in the morn
ing, the other at noon, and the third at
night. When the last one appeared, the
barber, who was German, dropped his
razor in astOnishment and exclaimed
Veil, dat man has de fashtest beard |
never saw I shaves him dis mornin'.
shavesA him ut dinner times, and he comes
back now, mit bis beard 30 long as IL never
wash r. t at ar.a.-- lrnH'r
AN absentminded professor, in going
out Of the galway Of his college, ran
against COW. In TIE confusion Of the
moment be raised bis hat and exclaimed
II beg your pardon Soon after be
stumbled against lady in the streetsj in
sudden recollection Of bis former mishap, he
called oUt, with look Of rage 10 bis coun-
tenance, "Ishhat you again, you brute p
Two persons were once disputiting 81
loudly on the subject Of religion that they
aWoke, . big dog that had beeR sleeping on
the ,beaEb before them, and, he' forthWith
barked most furiously. An old devine
present, WHO had been slipping bis tea while
the dispotaAts were talking gave the dog
a kick. and sxclaims6: .-u1rra.st
Hold your tongue, you silly brnte
you knoV no more about it than they do
Or Joe B. was q quiet old man,
but somewhat too fond Of the bottle.
When in bis cups, bis ideas tended toward
theological matters, which he always
avoided in, bis sober moments.
1t was Saturday afternoon Connecticut
baking day., and bis good wife wanted
some wood for the oven. ' 'F"h
Joe, do wish you would go and split
some wood. Here it is nearly two. O'Clock,
and the fire amt made t-r5-
Joe went out to execute bis commission
but fearing bis physical condition was weak,
marched to the neighboting tavern to forti-
fy himself therein. He returned home,
utterly oblivious to all thiRgs save his pet
theories. Seating himself in bis chair, be
said:
Il say (hic) Jane, do you (hic) think
the Lord (hic) means 70 burn us all (hic)
up in fire Y r ' rai' oh"
His venerable spouse, being exceedingly
irate, did not answer. Again be repeated
bis question. Still an ominous silence.
"Wie, do you think the Lord means to
burn us up in fire everlasting"
"NOP' said the now thoroughly aroused
housewife; mo, you old fool, not if He
waits for you to split the wood -