The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1870-08-05
Pepper Pods.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

y
boy, appeal tew his generosity: if yu
hev got heavy and su!len one, ap-
peal tew his back.
A crate menny ov our people go
abroad few improve their minds who
hadn't got emmy minds when they war
at home; knowledge, like charity,
shud begin at home, then spred.
Afiiickshuns are the compliments
that Heaven pays tew the virtewous.
Nobody but phool will spend
hiz time in trieing to convince q
phool.
Time IL like money, the less we hav
ov it tew spare the further we make
it 60.
The tongue IL really a very fast
member ov the body politick; he duz
all the talking and two-thirds ov the
thinking.
There liz many person who can set
a mouse trap tew perfeckshun, but not
satisfied with SIGH small game, under
take tew trap hares, and git ketched
by the bears. Moral--studdy yure
genius, and stick tew mice.
b LET him 60, mi son." said an an
cient father to hiz boy, who had caught
a yung rabbit, "and when he gifts big
ger ketch him agin." The boy did az
he waz told, and haz been looking for
that rabbit ever since.
The world owes all its energys and
refinements tew luxurys - digging
roots for breakfast and going naked
for clothes, IL the virtewous innocence
of lazy savage.
There il lots ov folks who eat WELL
and drink well, and sleep well, and
yet are sick all the time-these are the
folks who alwuz enjoy poor health,
A person with little smattering
ov learning, is a good dea. like hens
egg, that haz been sOt on for Il short
time, and then deserted by the hen
it is spite for hs itching out ennything
"Pcople ov good sence" are those
whose opinyuns agree with ours.
There liz CRATE deal of magnificent
poverty i'm our big citys-people who
eat klam soup out Ov tin basin with
a gold spoon.
The place whar poverty, virtew and
love meet and worship together, il
the most sab red spot in the universe
Experience don't make a man SC
bold az it duz so careful.
Pride never forgets itself, never haz
a playspell or frolik; it liz stiff from
morning till night, from top to bot.
tom, like a sled stake.
Thare amt but very little ginowine
good sense in this world ennyhow
and what little thare il amt in market
lis held for a dividend.
Thoze who hev made up thare
minds to lead live of enjoyment
will find the following recipee CRATE
hep tew them: Tew one ounce OF
plezure add pound ov repentance.
| Adversely liz poultess which re.
duces our vanity and strengthens oul
virtew-even boy never feels half az
good az when he haz been spanked
and sot away tew cool.
Pedantry IL the science ov invest.
ing what little yu know in one kind
ov perfumery, and insisting upon
sticking that under every mans noze
whom you meet.
Lieing is like trieing tew hide in a
fog, if u move about yure in danger
of humping yure he'd agin the truth
and az the fog blows oph VII are gone
ennyhow.
Marrying an angel IL the poetry ov
mar, iage, but living with her liz the
proze; and this il all well enuff if the
taste-ov the poetry hain't spite oul
relish for the proze.
The man who lives on hope mus
pick the bones ov disappointment.
The devil IL scd to be the father o,
lies. If this IL so, he haz got a larg,
family and CRATE menny promising
children amung them.
Life liz Ikea mug ov beer, froth a
the top, oil in the middle, and settings
at the bottom.
We should liv i'm this life az tho We
war walking on glaze ice, liable t.
fall at emmy moment, and to be laffet
at hi the bystanders.
Men, if they amt too lazy, liv sum
times till they are so, and destroy TIT
time a good deal az follows: The fus
30 years they spend throwing stuns a
mark the second 80 they spend ex
amining the mark to see whar thu
stuns hit, and the remainder is divid
ed in cussing the stun-throwing bust
ness and nussin the rumatizz.
This settling down and folding on
arms and waiting for something t,
turn up, IL just about az rich a specu
lation as going out into 400 acre lot
setting down on sharp stone, with
pail between our knees and waitin.
for cow to back up and be MIXED