South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1870-07-22
WIT AND HUMOR

plished.'
The REASON VIVA youngster, af-
ter deep meditation, broke out to his ia
Their: Spa! 1 know why colored people
have white palms 10 their hands and white
solcs to their feet. When the first colored
man was made, he stood on all fours while
God was painting him 20
SPEAKING TOO Quick. "A young Scotch
man having wooed buxum damsel, per-
Auaded her to accompany him to Scottish
justice OF the peace, to have the ceremony
performed. They stood very meekly un.
der the operation, until the magistrate was
laying the damsel under obligations to
obey her husband.
Say, no more about that, sir said the
half made husband-'if this hand remains
upon my body, I'll make her obey me-
Are we married yeti said the exaspera-
ted maiden to the RATHER Of covenants be-
tween man and woman.
No. said the wondering justice.
'Ah very well,' exclaimed she, we will
finish the remainder tomorrow, and away
skipped the damsol, congratulating herself
on her narrow escape.
Is it honestly so, that women don't
kick half so much as men when they are
having their teeth pulled? A country ed
itor says SO, and We want to catch him in
lie.
ES-An incident in railway car. Mon
Ster-'Im afraid I'm sitting on your Grim
olinc, a'am' Affable Young Lady-'Ob,
never mind, sir, it's of no consequence;
you can't hurt it, Monster-'No, ma am,
it's not that; but the COMPOUNDED thing
hurts me-
LEI Tvo been q member of this church
nigh unto forty years. said piuched-up
libel of Christianity, and it hasn't cost me
five cents God bless your poor stingy
withered up soul said feryent brother
in the corner
DIsFRANCHIsEMENT.'- "A New VIEW
OF THE SUBJECT We have heard of
great many instances of the unjustness and
hardship of Acknowledgement in particular
cases, but the following good story, related
TO us by friend few days ago, presents a
new phase Of the subject, and shows what
some people think of Acknowledgement
y family recently moved into this coun
ty from the East, probably from AIassachu.
sotts, as majority of our smart 'gramma-
rians' come from that State. For conve.
nience, we will call them Jones. Shortly
afterwards, Mrs. Jones was at a neighbours,
when the lady of the house remarked that
her son did not like to live in Harrison,
since they had disfrancbised him. Mrs.
Jones did not appear to have a clear under.
standing Of the term 'disfranchisod, in its
dictionary sense, but she evidently had a
theory of her own in regard to the matter
a few days subsequently Mrs. Jones
and daughter were visiting at the house of
another ncighbor, when the DISTINGUISHED
young man rode past The lady of the
house (Mrs. Smith, porhaps) remarked to
Miss Jones that the young gentleman pass
ing would make her nice beau"
Mrs. Jones-"Ycs; but he is dist;an-
chisea !! His o,cn mother tells Il on him."
Mrs Smith-"Ob, that makes no differ
encej the very best of men are disfranchis-
cd here Ny husband is disfrauchised"
Mrs. Jones-"You don't say 50 How
long has he been disfranch iscd"
Mrs. Smith-"Abodt four years"
Mrs Jones manifested some surprise at
this piece of information She glanced a.
round at the lady's little children playing
upon the floor, the youngest being only a
bout two years Of age, and then asked, very
suspiciously: "Why, la, woman, your
youngest child isn't three years old yet
IS II "-Bcha1y Wutchman
~ Sam, why don't you talk to massa,
and tell him to 10y up de treasures in henv-
en- WHAT dc use Of him laying treasures
dar, when ho never sec um again 2
EE~ Law is like q sieve you may see
through IT, but you must be considerably
reduced before you can got through it.
Rs- Plze, sir, would ycz be so oJlig-
ing as to take me great coat, here, to Bos.
ton wild yen? asked Pat Of a WAGNER.
Yes but how will you get it again p
Och, that's mighty aisy, so it is for
ahurc u remain inside Nv it,
EsrMiss Wilkins was beautiful blonde.
and she wanted to go to Brightou-so She
told her urfbor-to I,rL for .c,,ctI. ;-..,