The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1870-08-06
Elder knapp on swearing.

Elder Knapp Is not averSe 10 DaylnS IL
understood that be may be regarded as d
consulting physician for sick souls when
the original family doctor finds that his
pharmacy has lost its efficacy. In one Of
his recent raids on the arcll-enemy of
souls, he selected, as being especially fit
subjects for animadycrsion, the profane
swearers and this is the way in which
he went for them:
81 will give you, my dear friends;
picture from a scene in hell. The devil
is sitting in his private Office, receiving
the souls az they are brought to him
from the upper world. In comes an in
fernal jailor, conducting soul to ever
lasting flames. Who are you r asks the
devil, as the culprit was brought to where
he was sitting. Secretary benjamin, of
the Confederate Cabinet, was the reply.
oh yes knew you were coming, said
the devil, as he turned the leaves Of his
ledger and made an entry Of the secreta-
4 ry's name. I always show consideration
to those that have showed it to me. I've
got to take you in, but III try and make
you as comfortable as possible To the
attendant: SHOW Mr.. Benjamin to
place as near as you can get him to
current of air. The next arrival was
man who had killed his mother-in law.
He was hung in CINCINNATI. Take him
away said the devil, but treat him
kindly. The chances are two to one that
4 he isn't much to blame. l remember his
case His mother-in-law came here three
weeks ago. She looked as though she
wanted killing. She's over in No. 63.
4 Put him there, and set tho old woman III
front of the furnace. No. 63 is too cool
for her. Pretty soon another victim ar
rlves. What brought you here z asks
the devil. My case is a hard one,' was
the reply. 4 am here just because l
swore.' Because you sworc 2 asked the
divil, rising angrily from his chair. Yes
! that's all the sin | ever did, sAll the
sin 2 re-echoed the devil-'dH the sin
WHY, you mean, dcspicable, contempt
bic vacabond said the devil, as he
brought his fist down upon the table,
there isn't a corner that's hot enough for
! you. or all the sixty thousand preachers
that spend their, Sundays in biackguard-
ing me, not one Of them ever yet nccuscd
me of swearing. Blasphemcd your Maker,
did Won Z? I'rofaned the holy name Of
your Savior, that forgave his enemies
upon the cross, and died to save you froni
here? You did this, did you ? The trein-
bling culprit made no reply. Why,
continued the devil, whose voice arose as
his warth intensifed-twhy, there's no
excuse for you. A man by an unlucky blow
may kill another one. In pressing temp
tation man may steal; he may lie to
J save his neck or to cheat his ncighbor.
There's some excuse for him. The pro-
fame swcarer has no excuse Attendant,
take this accursed scoundrel out of nay
7 sight. Put him up to his neck where
D the Goals are the hottest, and then put
a somebody to sit on his accursed head !"
E-Harper's .Nagdsine-
. A FUNERAL DIscouRsE.-The read
r ers of the Drawer have, within the past
| year or two, been edited with the peru
sal of sermon on eThe Harp of a
Thousand Strings" and the Farewell
Discourse of Brother Watkins" The
tone Of those discourses, might, in gen
eral way, be called pleasing. Not SO,
however, the following brief allusion
from the pulpit to a young man Of
Indifferent position in the social circles
of B, New Hampshire, who came
to an early decease by vigorous but
absurdly unequal contest with party
officiated at the final solemnities improv-
~ slAS 0SSoSAou bJ AnAAAn6 etiS AoiAS"Au6 3
remarks
II have been requested, not to say
i-importuaed, to deliver funeral discourse
on. this occasion, and hcv reluctantly
conserted toe do so. never heerd any
| good of the deceased get, and if the
friends hev made up their minds that l
am about to begin see;h course now
they are very much mistaken I
estimate, in fact, that this young man,
now a-layin' before YOU, was about the
aust man ever permitted, in the onscru-
table ways of the divine pepl,uses, toe
locate in this vicinity. He was one who
might say alters fell when he was
tempted; and he certingly appeared toe
seek, rather than to avoid, occasions for
temptation.
Il "Why, my fellcr Christians, he KEEP
hosses and run scm; heS KEEP cocks and
fit en-: and as wimmin, let his widder
(who see q sittln' in q front pew )testify.' =
Here the widow arose, as was the cus-
tom when the family Of the deceased
was alluded to, and deeming il compli-
mentary remark, courtcsicd TO the
preacher. In short, after d diligent
inquiry intoe the pertickeriers of his
, kerrikter and conduct while he has
resided IL this village, I hcv come. to
the conclusion that about the only good
thing that kid be said Of him at all is
| that he was an active member of the
engine company, and occasionally good
at fires.
Tho pail will now proceed to
bear out the corpse, while tho choir will
sing, as an appropriate hymn, the 35d
hymn, I'd book, short metre, four verses
omitting, If you please, the 3D. and 9th
stanzas
! -Bcliesing, We rejoice
Toe the cuss removed.
with the usal Doxology. -- Hayper's 5
I Magazine.
IA DEFINITION Bill Tomkins, what
J is widder? !,
"a widder is d married woman thst