Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-02-04
HUrsaOr.

q WIN ASduhSo
Are not chignons Harlem scare 'em
things?
They who give willingly love to give
quickly.
Old maids are described as ''embers from
which the sparks have fed"
The proper study Of mankind is man but
the pleasantest one is woman
The moaning Of the tied-A husbands
grumbling.
An old maids love letter IL called a ro-
nance of the middle age.
A lady, who was a strict observer of
etiquette, being unable to attend church one
Sunday, sent her card.
New version of an old coupIet:
If you love me as I love you.
One cottage soon will hold us two.
If your papa and uncle were in Africa,
which would be nearer England Your
uncle, for your pa would be father away.
Abiding to chignons, Mrs Clever said !:
"A girl now seems all head yes, till you
talk to her, replied Mr.. Clever.
In Chicago husbands are said to be so
much under ~petticoat government that they
add to their announcement of future move
ments the letters "W. p" which means
"wife permitting"
A New Haven man has argued with a
prominent merchant until the said merchant
has agreed to let the mans wife alone. He
,noJ n noro, ohootou Tb;, 80 NJ IA nw1,
ment, but it appears to fetch 'em.
II am speaking" said a long-winded
orator, ''for the benefit of posterity.'--
eyes," said one Of his audience, "and, if
you keep on much longer. you will have
your audience present"
A niger was run over by an OK team at
Houston, Texas. and sued the driver for
damages. The Judge decided that an able
bodied niger that was qualified to vote
ought to be smart enough to get out of the
way Of an Ok team.
It has been said by a debtor who did not
pay his debts, and was opposed to usury,
that it "being against his principle to pay
the interest, and against his interest to pay
the principle, he paid neither the one nor
the other"
A lot Of niggers were baptized ct Sava-
nah, last, Sunday. duriug a heavy shower
Of rain. They were conducted to the mid
die of the stream. and covered with umbrei-
las, because they didn't believe in sprink-
ling.
MA" said a little urchin, peeping from
beneath the bed-clothes, Il am cold [
want some more cover On the bed" .Lie
still, my DEAR" said the mother, "until
your sister comes home from church she
has got the comforter for a hustle"
A young lady explained to her inamorato
the distinction between printing and publish
ing, and at the conclusion of her remarks,
by way of illustration, she said "You may
print a kiss on my cheek, but you may not
publish it"
They have had a niger divorce case in
Cincinnati. The woman thus addressed the
Judge | can't love dat dar niger he
kicked me in de ribs once until he loosened
all my insides. and when dat occurred my
affection for him vanished" Some women
can't get accustomed to men no way.
An inebriatnd man in Lawrence, Kansas,
was found cllnging to a fence, looking help
lessly at q neighboring row Of shade trees
'Halloa,' said a friend who came up. what's
the matter, Jake 2 Dunno, hic," responded
Jocob, that PROFESSIONS neyer's goin'to git
past
DR.. g.. of Sycamore, ILL.,, riding
in the country one day, saw a sign upon a
gatc-post reading thus s'This farm for sail"
Stopping his horse, he hailed q little old
woman, who stood on tip-toe hanging out
clothes. Il say, madam, when is this farm
going to saI?' ''Just as soon, SIR" replied
the old lady, placing her thumb to her nose,
:'as ANYBODY comes along who can raise the
wind." The doctor drove thoughtfully on.
The most affectionate specimen Of amato-
ry poetry that has come to our notice during
the past week is the following:
When old Carlow sits on Sally's chair,
Oh! don't | wish that I were there
When her fairy fingers pat his head,
Oh don't | wish twas me instead.
When Sally's arms his neck imprison,
Oh !sdon't | wish my neck was his'n;
When Sally kissed Carlow's nose,
Oh! don't I wish that / were those.
The Ohio Register is responsible for the
following Two young ladies in a certain
house in town the other night were heard
singing as follows:
'Oh for q man
'Oh for a man! VII "
ooh for a mansion 10 the sky =
T9ofo~a thov oo,lI oo-- -
young bloods outside responded:
oh for a gal! Oh for a gal!
oh for a gallon of old rye
The following letter comes to the surface
in a Texas paper:
"GALyRsroN, January the 7th, 1870
My Loyin Wyfe,-Ime comm ONE mex week
an hav forgiv you for jawin me. I'll come
on the 7 o'clock franc, an shall STAY ONE
hereafter & tri to be a altered man. / want
peace and so do yew, why shoodn't we love
each other, as wo used ter when we were
first jined together in the wholly bands of
maddox, I've jined a temperance sosiety but
if you ever jaw me agin for commin ome I'll
wollap you like City for we must heve peese
as grant ses." f9ai -5
Doctor Abernethy rarely met his match,
but on one occasion fairly owned thai he was
beaten. He was sent for by an innkeeper.
who had a quarrel with his wife, who had
Scared his face with her nails, so that the
POOR man was bleeding and much disfgured.
Abernethy considered this an op~portunitv