The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1870-07-21
RiT-ISSPIRATIOSS OF THE s.TWG
YEAR 0hDS-'
By Mark Twain.

; lEAh UGDN.
: By Marx Twain.
4 Aiimfants appear la have an in,
pertinent and disagfee:tble fashion
= nowadays Of saying "smaFpi thing,
, on most occasions that offer, and e4s
= PecIaily on occasions where they
!, ought not to be saying anything ri
. all. Judging hy ihe average publish
:. ell specimens of smart sayings, the
= rising generation Of children are little
better than idiots. Aud the parents
must snreiy be but little better than
/ the children, for iB most eases they
+ are the publishers of the sunbunsts OF
. infantile imbecility which dazzle us
/, from tile pages OF our periodicals.
may seem to speak with some heat,
: not to say a suspicion of personal
spite; and | do admit that il nettles
4 me To hear about so many gifted in
fants i'm these days, and remember
that ! seldom said anything smart
when | was a child 1 tried it once
, or twice but il was not popular. The
family were not expecting brilliant
remarks from me, and so they snub-
bed me sometimes and spanked me
\
, and my blood run cold to think what
might have happened to me if / had
dared to utter some of the smart
things of this generations ''four-year-
, oldsD where my father could hear me-
| To have simply skinned me alive
and consider his duty at an end would
have seemed to him criminal Ienien-
cy toward one so SHINING. He was a
| mn nd oil
forms of precOcity. If 1 had said
some of the things have referred to,
he would have destroyed me. He
would indeed. He would, provided
the opportunity remained with him.
But it would not, for L would have
had Judgment enough to take some
strychnine first and say my smart
things afterwaTd. The fair record of
my life has been tarnished by just one
pun My father overheard that, and
he hunted me over four or five town
ships seeking to take my life. II
bad been full grown, of course he
would have been right but child as
[ was, could not know how wicked
a thing had done.
lead made one of those remarks OTdi-
narily called 'tsmart things" before
|
near causing a serious rupture be-
tween my father and myself. My father
and mother, my Uncle Ephraim and
his wife, and one or two others, were
present, and the conversation turned
on name for me- | was lying there
| trying some India-rubber rings of va
riouS patterns, and endeavuring to
make selection, for | was tired of
| t.. I.f.
gers, and wanted to get hold of some
thing that would enable me to hurry
| the thing through and get at some
thing else. Did you ever notice what
nuisance il was cutting your teeth on
your nurses finger, or how back
| breaking and tiresOme il was trying
10 cut them on you big toe and did
you never get out of patience and
wish your teeth were in Jericho long
before you get them half cut2 To me
it seems as if these things happened
yesterday. And they did, too, to some
children. But l digress. | was lying
| there trying the India-rubber rings
| remember looking Mt the clock and
| noticing that i'm an hour and twenty
five minutes L would he two weeks
old, and thinking to myself how little
| had done TO merit the blessings
| chat were so unsparingly laviShed up
on me. My father said:
'Abraham is Il good name. My
| grandfather was named Abraham"
My mother said
abraham is good name. Very
well, Let us have Abraham for one
| of his namesN
| said
Abraham suits the subs criher."
''Aly father frOWned, my mother
looked pleased my aunt said:
what little darling it is ~
My father said:
HIsaac is good name, and Jacob is
| 4 good name"
My mother aSschted and said /:
1Ho names are better. Let us add
Isaac and Jacob TO his names"
al said
"AIl right. Isaac and Jacob are
good enough for yours truly. Pass
me that rattle, if you please, can't
chew India-rubber rings all day"
Not q soul made memorandum of
these sayings of mine, for publication.
| saw that, and did it myself, else
they would have been utterly lost. So |
far from meeting with a generous en- |
couragement like other children when |
developing Intellectually, L was now |
furiously scowled upon by my father; |
my mother looked grieved and anX- |
ious, and even my aunt had about |
her an expression of seeming to |
think that maybe had gone to far
took a vicious bite out of an India |
rubber ring, and covertly broke the |
rattle over the kittens head, but |
said nothing. Presently my father |
said:
Samuel is a very excellent name"
/ saw that trouble was coming
Nothing could prevent it. l laid down
my rattle; over the side of the cradle / /
dropped my uncle's silver watch, the
clothes brush, the toy dog, my tin /
soldier, the nutmeg crater, and 9TH
er matters which / was accustomed |
to examine and mediate upon, and |
make pleasant noises with, and bang, /
and batter, and break when needed
wholesome entertainment. Then L
put on my little frock and my little
bonnet, and took my pig, my shoes
in one hand and my licOrice in the
other and climbed out on the floor. /
said to myself. Now, if the worst
comes to the worst am ready. Then
/ said aloud, in a firm voice {:
Father, | cannot, cannot wear the
name of Samuel"
"My son ~
'sFather, mean it. l cannot"
"Why o.
Father have an invincible antip-
athy to that name"
"My son, this is unreasonable
Many great and good men have been
named Samnel-"
''iSir, have yet to hear of the 1ir5t
instance"
"What There was Samuel the
prophet Was not he great aud
good az
''Nnt 80 very" s.....
"My son! With his own voice the
Lord called him"
"Yes, sir and had 10 call him a
couple of times before he wonld
come ~
And then | sailed forth, and that
stern old man sailed forth after me.
He overlook me at noon the following
day, and when the interview WAS ov-
or had acquired the name of Samuel,
and q thrashmg, and other useful in-
formation and by medns of this
compromise my fathers wrath was
appcascd, and misunderstanding
hridged over which might have he
come permanent rupture if | had
chosen t0 be unreasonable. But just
Judging by this episode, what lrC"td |
my father have done to me if had
ever uttered in his hearin" one of the
fat, sickly things these "two-year-
olds" say in print nowadays In my
opinion ti,erc would have been Ease
OF infanticide in our family.
Prom the Nashville Banner
Beware Of the POHdeF-A Hint 10
Lovers.
TlIcrc Is n GOOD Joke g0iMg the