The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1870-01-03
NV NsEe'& Bridal Tour.
~ NOSE SKINNER.

l
drcadfully set about going Oft on brida
tour. 1 told her she'd better want SIX
months or year, and I'd try to 60 Will
hcr. but she Said she'd rather 60 alone
when n woman was travelling man was
an out-andout hiimhug.
So gave her seventy-hre cents and told
her 20 90 off and have good time. never
begrudge money where my wife's happi-
ness is concerned. My first wife never
could complain Of not going anywheree,
for I'm dreadful fierce to 90 off on good
time myself, and always was. don't pre-
tend to say how many times | took her GU;
10 sec the engine squirt, and there was no
end TO the free lectures | let her 20 to. The
ncighbor- used to say, 1T does beat all
how the Skinncrs do 60"
When Signor Blitz was in Slunkvllle,
with his wonderful canaries, he gave my
wife n complimentary ticket. not only sold
that ticket for my wife, but gave her hall
the money. don't boast of it, though |
only mention it to show how much thought
OF my wiics happiness.
don! think any man ought to get mar
ried until he can consider his wife's happl-
ness only second to his own. John Wise, Il
go: married | concluded I'd do it like Wise.
bu. the plan did not work i'll the case OF
ny second wife. No, should say not. |
preached the subject kindly.
Matilda.'' said, Il suppose you are
aware that am now your lord and master.
d" Not much you aint,@ said she.
Mrs. Skinner ! replied, you arc
fcnrfu!ly dcmoralizcl. You need reorgan-
ling at once. You are cranky" And |
irandiShcd my new sixty-twoccnt UNI
irclla wildly around her.
She took the umbrella away from nc,
and locked me up in the cothcs-prcss.
Lam quick to draw an inference, and
tie inference | drew here was that was
not success as u rc0rganizcr Of female
women.
After this | changed my tactics. let
her have her own way, and the plan work
cd to charm from the very first. IT,
the best way of managing a wife that l
know Of. OF course this is between yon
and me.
So when my wife said she was bound to
90 off on bridal tour anyhow, | cordially
a~senscd. $50, Matilda,,' said |, land
stay rs long as you want TO then if you
feel as though you would like 20 stay lit
lie while longer: stay, my dear, stay
She told ne to stop talking, and go up
stairs and get her red-fanncl nightcap
and that bag Of penny-royal for her aunt
Abigail
Ny wife is very smart woman. She
was a Baxter, and the Bakers are very
smart family indeed. Her mother, who is
going on eighty, can fry more slapjacks
now than half these primpcd up city girls
who rattle on the piano or else walk the
streets with their furbeows and tixings,
pretending to get mad if a young chap looks
ut 'cm pretty hard, but getting mad il
earnest if YOU don't take any notice of them
1T all.
All! girls amt what they used to be
when | Was young, and the fellows arc
worse still. When went counting, for in
stance, | never thought of staying till after
10 o'clock, and only went twice week.
Now they 20 seven nights in 4 week, and
cry because there amt eight. Then they
write touching notes to each other during
the day: Dear George, do you love me a.
much now as sou did at a quarter past -
lust nighti Say you do, dearest, and 1t
will give me courage to go down and tackle
them cold beans left over from yesterday
Well, well, suppose they enjoy them
selves, and il ain't FOR lie old folks, whose
hearts have got little calloused by lon"
wear, to interfere. Let them get together
and court il they like ii, and think they
do. | was Torty-savcn when | courted my
present wife, but it seemed just as nice to
sit on little cricket at her feet and let
her pmoosi. my hair as it did thirty years
ago.
AS l said before, my wife is very smart
woman, hut she could not be anything else
and be a Baxter. She used to give lectures
on woman's rights, and in one place where
she lectured big college conferred the
title of LII. d. upon her. But she wouldn't
take it. "No, gentlemen" said she, "givc
il to the poor" She was always just 80
to 90 barefoot all winter, and insisted upon
it SO much in her kind way that they
couldn't refuse
She fairly dotes on my children, and Ive
seen her many time 20 to their trowser-
pockets and take out their pennies after
they'd got to sleep, and put them in her
bureau-drawer Tor fear they might lose
them.
started to tell you about my wife's bri-
dial tour, but the fact is never could find
ont much about it myself. / believe she
had good time.
| conclusion, would say 10 all young
men, Marry your second wife first, and
Keep out of debt by al means, even las A.
Ward says) if you have to borrow money to
do it.