The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-08-07
Morning Star and Catholic Messenger.

~ 0sLAAHs. SUNDAY. AUGUST :. 1870.

oAcos ana serve 1t right.
Satans promises are like the meat th,
lowers set before birds, which is NOT mear
70 iced them, but to take them.
young man at fire recently tire
away pail of water because IL va. r.
not to do any good,
man may be properly said to b
1rlnking like fish when he finds that h
mas TAKEN enough to make his head swim
BEYOND all credulity is the credulousnes
VI the atheist, who believes that chanc
barn. :. o'...o' D"11u
A lady wants to know why Hymen ia re
presented with torch. Perhaps it is T.
throw light upon those little imnareoc
lions Love is blind to.
Lost, yesterday, somewhere between sun
nse and sunset, two golden hours, each se
WIN SIXTY diamond minutes. No reward
H onered, for they are gone forever.
One Of the sable orators of old Virpini,
Il mAoe good point when he said, I'D,
& oyster got mo- sense than some folks, cans.
"a No Know when to keep his mouf shet."
One of party Of musical friends, refer
n nnng 10 an exquisite composition, said
II mat song always carries me away when
Z hear It." "Won't some one sing f. :,
asked another.
patient, on the point of being operated
on ~ hospital surgeon, said to him,
; 5S,em1nnng' - on, doctor, rely on your ad..
dress" 1t is 81 - street, as usual, y
\ aosently answered the disciple of Galen.
oo a sporting 10 young lady says, eff the
why don't they water it, and roll it reeu,
larry 30 many hours = day, until they get
the course SO smooth that any DONKEY can
run upon it Z"
Two farmers in Kansas recently,had a
1awsuit about seven pounds of butter.
Wnen tne jury retired they took with them
the butter, procured some crackers. ate
them together, and returned a verdict of
=" No cause of action"
When Alexander Smith came bacl, from
Glasgow to Edinburgh, friend met him in
the street, and asked, "Have YOU come
back for change of air 2" "No," was the
9ulok reply of the poet, have only come
TOT a change of smoke"
There was a refreshing directness in
Johns solution of this theological problem
RroPounded by his wife: "John, do you
think we'll know each other in heaven p,
"Of course; do you think we shall be big
ger fools there than herefn
countryman, who often called at q
CERTAIN bishops and was always told that
ms iordshlp was at his studies, and could
not 0e disturbed, at last replied, " wish
the Queen would not make such folk bishops
who have not finished their studies.n
"A gentleman whose nose had become dis
tinctly colored with the red wine he was
wont to lmbibe, said one day to his little
son at table, You must eat bread, my boy;
bread makes your cheeks red" The little |
fellow replied, Father, what lots of bread |
you must have snuffed up"
A negro judge in Alabama, when his first |
case came on, and everything was ready. |
was told by a lawyer that he had neglected |
to charge the jury. He rose up, put on his
spectacles, and said, "Gemmen of de jury,
must pay it afore de case goes on"
The following hit at the water-cure was
made by Charles Lamb, and none but him
self could have made 30 quaint conceis:
- 1t is," said he, "neither new nor wonder
full, for it is as old as the delugc, which, in I
my opinion, killed more than It cured.n
az feel" moaned dying cobbler, +" that
war ,.., weaker every day, and that am
more stitches and awl will be over. In
heaven there is rest for the sole; earth has c
no sorrow that heaven cannot heal.n Hay-
ing said awl he wished, he calmly breathed :
his last.
A close listed fellow treating friend to y
'ome old wine, poured out a very small t
quantity. The latter, taking the glass and a
1oldiing it above his head, remarked, rather
ears old I" aYes,a replied the Is i host
Then, replied the other. I" all I'VE to say d
:, thaG lts very small Tor It's age" In
Really, my DEAR" said poor Mr.. Jones a
o his better half, you have sadly disap- CT
'ointed me. I once considered you jewel te
# woman, but you're turned out only OIL
ut of matrimonial PASTE" "Then, nv oil
ove," was the reply, "console yourself
nth the idea that paste is very adhesive, e1
nd will stick to you as long as you live.' al
A physician examining d student as to OF
is progress, asked him, "Should a man ~ ~
Ill into a we'll forty feet deep, and strike ~ ~,
is head against one of the tools with 81
,hich he had been digging, what would be 10
our course if called in as O surgeon 2" al
he student replied, 81 should advise them :
, leave that man lie, and fill up the well,u nu
" Tommy, my son, what are you going w;
do with that club 2" /" Send it to the bo
iitor, of course" "But what are YOU tn
hing to send it to the editor for 2" "Be- tn,
fuse he says that if anybody will send mt
m club he will send them copy of his Thu
~" But, Tommy, dear, what do you vo
pNtee he wants with a club fn "WeiI, 1 he,
mt know" replied the hopeful urchin, he,
unless to knock down subscribers who ser
'n't,pay for the paper" an,
A lady went few days ago to her dress the
aker to inquire after the character of do,
rvant. "What l wish most of all to ing
ow," said she, sis whether she is honest, Gle
d can do errands WELL" Gas to her hon. tina
~, can answer for that" replied Ma by
me -, "but as to errands, she did not aga
tisfy me at all. For instance, sent her