Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-11-18
HlllllOr.

HumOr.
An illbred mana sick baker.
A grave affair-the last ditch.
A lost art-famly government.
A tail that never wags-a cart tail.
Floating capital-rich people in bathing.
The weight Of the world--short weight.
People run into debt, but sometimes they
crawl out of it.
Can a cross-examination be goodnatured
one?
A horse may 90 it blind, but its driver
shouldn't.
Simultaneous combustion blazing up at
an insult.
What part of speech is kissing?-a con-
junction.
It is hard to remember the poor on full
stomach.
Ugly features in Congress-the nose in
both houses.
It's better to carve your name on hearts
than marrle.
A man may live justly by avoiding what
he blames in others
Waves that are harmless-she waves OF
ladies' handkerchiefs
When is an OK not an OK? When it is
turned into meadow.
Free inouirers-internal revenue assessors
and census enumerators.
What is it that nobody wants, yet nobody
likes to lose? A lawsuit.
LAWYERS mouths are like turnpike gates
never open except for pay.
The way for people to win golden opln-
ions is to have plenty OF BRASS
The dearest spot on earsh-the store
where they do not advertise
The farmer gathers what he sows, while
4 seamstress sews what she gathers.
It does not follow because book is cur
Jailed that it should also be dogs cared.
Grand trunk railroads.&c. the railroads
in the country during the Saratoga season.
How did the bull look on emerging from
the china shop? A little the worse for '0are.
Sorrows grow less every time they are
told lust like the age Of a woman.
What is the creates curiosity in the world!
A woman's.
A womau's grief is often very short. Ii
she loses her husband, she pines only for
second.
To make man drunkard, give him
wife who will scold him every time ne comes
home.-EC.
To make woman scold, give her hus'
hand who comes home drunk Wons0ns
Journal.
Nothing is more useful than starch; but
it should be put into garments, not man
ners.
Why are our ironclads like unmarried
ladies? Because they are open to engage
ments.
A model surgical operation TO take the
cheek out Of young man, and the Jaw ouF
of woman.
Equality means,' says French writer,
"a desire to be equal to your superlors' ana
superior tc your equals.
If you wish to show a pair Of clean hands
never try washing them at the sink OF lnl-
guilty.
In pocket picking, as in almost every |
thing else, man never succeeds until he
gets his hand in.
In game Of cards good deal depends
on good playing, and good playing on
good deal.
In Bates county, Mo-, on Tuesday last,
John Hit was married to Mary Miss. 1t
was 'palpable hit
Is there any good reason why man who |
never pays his boot maker should not be
called freebooter?
The proverb that stolen kisses are sweet.
is enforced by the fact that they generally |
come from lasses
Young women often keep their lovers by |
tears. EYES," says Grumwig, "love, like
beef, is preserved by Brine
To farmers-The only commonplace thing |
you need not to be afraid of running in the
ground'-the ploughshare.
1t is said of one who remembered every
thing that he lent, but nothing that he bor-
rowed, that he had lost half Of his memory.
The man who meets ones remarks with
'fddlesticks,' clearly wishes to do violins
to ones feelings.
A correspondent (unmarried) suggests
that Solomon's wisdom was due to the fact
that he had 700 wives, whom he consulted
on all occasions.
Whatever we may think of woman's right
to vote and legislate, there can be no dis
putting her right to bare arms, and the pref
tier the better and more irresistible.
One of the religious papers has con-
demnation Of those popularityseeking preach
ers who give 'hogshead Of words to every
pint of sense"
Wherefore is a darkey with no hair OF
the top Of his head. like candidate for a
club who has been rejected by its members?
Because he's black bald individual.
.Phil, my jewell said Pat, I'm mighty
sorry you can't dine with me to-day
4Arrah, and why can't dine with your
said the astonished Phil because, my
DEAR" returned Pat, II haven't asked ye