The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-05-12
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

EVERY card-player knows a good deal
"THE weigh of the world-short
LEAP in the Dark-Jumping down a
coal mine.
THE bow of ship is not evidence of its
politeness.
DIsAGREEABLE and mpertinent-Ruin
staring person in the face.
Puach thinks that mill race comes un-
der the head of aquatic sports
If man makes beast of himself at
dinner, does he become the lion Of the
party?
THERE is man in town so bashful
that he seldom gets acquainted with the
facts.
THE Washington is purely mutual, and
divides its profits among its policy holders
only.
WHEN a man becomes wreck by in
temperance, you will generally find that
wreck high and dry.
INDIAN corn alone will keep a man
from starving, because he can always
make good meal of it.
A MISERABLE old bachelor observes that
he looks under the marriage head for the
news of the weak
WHY is a man lifting a side of bacon of
hook to be pitied Because he's poor
creature (pOrk reacher).
WHAT is the difference between DON
key and the only empire in South Ameri-
ca? The one brays well and the other
Brazil
GONE thing" said an old topper, twas
never seen comm through the rye an
that the kind O. whisky one gets now-a-
days"
How much do you earn yearly? Death
will stop all income. Provide for it by
insuring in the Washington Life Insur-
ance Co., of New York.
CHIEF ENGINEER MCLAUGHLIN, of Mil
waukee, asserts that table spoonful OF
sulphur thrown into fire place will eX-
tinguish the heaviest fire that may be
burning in the chimney.
THE Greatest JOiner-The LAWYER, he
can place tenant, empannel jury, Dor a
witness, bore the court, chiset client,
dugur the gains, floor a witness, cut his
board, nail the case, hammer the desk, file
his bill, and shace whole community.
"WHAT is your business9' asked Judge
Il
you might call me locksmitl,." "When
did you work at that businessp "Last
night, when l heard the call for the per
lice, an made bolt for the area door,"
A CITIZEN of Kings County, Ireland
recently had his nose cut off by band oil
rutfiaDs, and naturally thought that he
was horribly disfigured for lite. A Dub
lin surgeon, however. thought otherwise
and has succeeded in forming a new nose
| from the flesh and skin of the forehead
which is declared to look far better than
the old one.
SAID a loving wife to her husband
"Will you never learn, my dear, the diff
ference between real and exchangeable
value?" The husband, tired of political
economists in petticOats, replied: "Ah
yes, my dear; / know your great learning
and many virtues. That's your real value
But know also that none Of my married
friends would swap wives with me. That's
your exchangeable value"
THE story going the rounds of the little
boy who refused to pray for his brothe r
because he killed my little kitten this
morning" reminds an exchange of an
other little fellow, who, after repeat
ing the Lords Prayer, was accustomed
to extempOrize, which on one occasion he
did thus: "Please, God, bless papa and
mamma, and-and-and if you're mind
OF, you may bless Aunt Effie, but don't
much care"
In school examination, lady appeal
ed to the self consciousness of the children
and tried to teach them little about their
senses. They knew they saw and heard
1 I...A "a
saw with eyes and heard with ears SO the
lady said to them: You have noses
wha. are they for?" There was a dead
silence, and at last one adventurous ur
chin replied "Please, ma'am, to be
wiped"
A MAN with four wives was brought be
fore Hans Swarthart, a Mohawk Justice
for commitment on the charge of bigamy
"Four vifes?" exclaimed the astonished
Hans, I" four vifes? dat vas most hno
cious crimes! Discharch him at vOnst.
"Why?" protested the prosecutor, "why
discharge him when the proof is pos
live? Will the Court explain ?" Eyes
| eckshplains. Off he Ifs nit four vifes
he got punishment enough. l lif NIT Won
and | got too much punishment al
ready"
THE following are the deadly sins,
as viewed by an editor
1. Boring him when he is writing.
2. Boring him when he is not writing
3. Reading his exchanges without per.
mission.
A. Asking permission to read his ex
changes.
5. Hooking his scrssors when the devil
is clamoring for original" matter sex
6. Laying profane hands on his proofs
T. Asking him who TX or "Quidnunc'
Ia or . in a Coroner" is.