Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-02-11
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

WORDS that burn-Rejected communi-
cations.
WHEN is love deformed? When it is
all on one SIDE
WHY should old men never jest? Be-
cause it is bad-in-age.
WHAT to expect at a boys school
Boysterous conduct.
THE blowing of the advertisers is what
makes the trade winds.
WHY is man half asleep like twice six?
Because he's doze-in.
THE man in debt for his shoes cannot
say that his sole is his own.
CAPITAL punishment for boys-Being
obliged to sit between two girls at school,
ANY undertaking submitted to lawyer
for his opinion is always pronounced fees
ible.
WHY is the nose the leading feature in
every ones countenance? Because every
one must follow it.
THE way to make time pass quickly
Raise row and get knocked into the mid
die of next week.
A sAGAcIoUs Philosopher has observed
that if the earth really is hollow, we all
live upon mere crust.
WHY is an address pronouncea on
board ship like inger-ring? Becaase
it is decoration deck oration).
THE Boston Transcript says "anthra-
cite is drug" If it is, it must be one OF
the drugs that is good for cold.
WHY may we conclude that man fond
of solitude is in pecuniary difficulties p
Because he is always trying to get alone.
The Washington Life Insurance Com
pany of New York possesses a corlbina-
ton of every desirable feature known to
the business.
NOTHING like punctuality. Mr.. Sh1rk
was never known to stay a second after
the hour at work, and is invariably on time
at his meals.
81 LIKE to read epigrams against us
women" said Mrs. Clever. "When cul-
prit clanks his chains you know that they
are on him.
PRETTY TEACHER" Now, Johnny
Wells, can you tell me what is meant by
miracle - John Y" Yes, teacher;
mother says if you don't marry the new
parson it'll be miracle"
A TRENTON paper reports that an aged
couple who celebrated their golden we'd
ding in that city recently, are childless,
but this deficiency was supplied by gifts
from number of the guests"
A RECORD was recently made on the
Coroner's books in New York, that
Charles Burns, {. boy, died suddenly at
No. $50 East Thirty first street, without
the aid of a physician
THE jealous man is always hunting for
something he doesn't expect to find, and
after he has found it he is mad because he
has. He is always happy just in proper
ton as he is miserable.
WE trust the day is not far distant when
the Washington Life Insurance Company
will become so widely known and trusted,
as it deserves to be, that all our ministers,
secretaries, and business men generally,
will avail themselves of its rich advan-
tages.
| THE Detroit Free Press says no stone
| giants having been dug up lately, it is
| probable that the trade in this line is dead,
though perhaps people are waiting for the
frost to get out of the ground, so that the
digging won't be so heavy. L
"BIDDY," said lady to her servant, I
wish you would step over and see how old
Mrs. Jones is this morning." In few
minutes Biddy returned with the forma-
ton that Mrs. Jones was just seventy-two
years seven months and two days old.
"THE boy at the head of the class will
state what were the dark ages of the world. "
Boy hesitates. "Next-Master Smith, can't
you tell what the dark ages were?" C
guess they were the ages just before the
invention of sp6ct0cles." $50 to your
seats"
WANTs.-A contemporary wants ffer
and drummer to beat time for the "march
of intellect;" pair of shutters to trim
the eight of other days )" ring that
will fit the finger of scorn;" a loose pull
ley to run the shaft of envy" and new
cushion for the seat of government"
A LITTLE SToRY.-Fanny was pretty,
and had clear sweet voice. Fred pro-
posed to her, and she said, eyes" Re-
vealing his happiness to his friend Frank,
Fred told of the joyous ring there was in
Fanny's voice when she accepted him.
"a wedding-ring, suppose, old fellow"
was Franks neat reply.
A MYSTERIOUS deaf girl has been agi-
tating San Francisco. A reporter went
to interview her, and while taking down
the points, INDUCED in remarks which
would not have been mplimentary if
she could have heard them. She stood it
for some time, but finally emptied the
coal scuttle over him and pitched him
!. down stairs. He doesn't believe that she
is deaf.
/ THE original model of telegraph bat
terry, filed by Professor Morse, when he
got his patent, has been unearthed from a
lot of old rubbish in the cellar of the Pa
tent Office, where it has been lying for
years. The clumsiness of the signal-key,
as compared with one of the present day,
is ridiculous 1t is nearly two feet long,
and has large lump of lead at the end
furthest from the hand, to throw the key
up and break the circuit.
AT Mark Twain's lecture at Ogdens.
burgh, few days since, he introduced
| himself as follows Ladies' and Gentle.
men: The next lecture of this course
will be delivered this evening by Samuel
L. Clemens, otherwise Mark Twain, gen.
tleman whose high character and unim.
peachable integrity are only equalled by
/ his comeliness of person and grace OF
manner. And am the man. Yeu will
excuse me for introducing myself, for
have just excused the Chairman from in
Producing me- / know it's not the usual
way, but the fact is never yet have found
a Chairman of Lecture Committee who
was equal to the task of introducing me
as ought to be introduced"