Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1870-02-11
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

Boysterous conduct.
THE blowing of the advertisers is what
makes the trade winds.
WHY is man half asleep like twice ski
Because he's a doze-in.
THE man In debt for his shoes cannot
say that his sole Is his own.
CAPITAL punishment for boys-Bcing
obliged TO sit between two girls at school.
l. ANY undertaking submitted 20 lawyer
| for his opinion is always pronounced fees
| ible.
| WHY is the nose the leading feature in
| every ones countenance? Because every
one must follow II.
THE way to make time pass quickly
| Raise row and get knocked into the mid.
! die of next week
| A sAGACIoUs philosopher has observed
that II the earth really is hollow, we all
| live upon mere crust.
! WHY is an address pronounced on
! board ship like finger-ring2 Because
| IL is q decoration deck oration)
THE Boston Transcript says "anthra-
cite is drug" If it is, II must be one of
! the drugs that is good for a cold.
Why may we conclude that man fond
! OF solitude 10 in pecuniary difficulties p
Because he Is always trying to get alone.
THE Washington Life Insurance Com
pany Of Now York possesses combina-
tion of every desirable feature known to
the business.
! NOTHING like punctuolity. Mr.. Shirk
| was never known to stay second after
the hour at work, and is invariably on time
at his meals.
81 LIKE to read cpigrams against us
women, said Mrs. Clever "When cul-
prit clanks his chains you know that they
are on him.
PRETTY TEACHER" Now, Johnny
Wells, can you tell me what is meant by
a miracley' johnny" Yes, teacher (;
mother says if you don't marry the new
parson it'll be u miracle"
A TRENTON paper reports that an aged
couple who celebrated their golden we'd
ding in that city recently, arc chldless,
but this deficiency was supplied by gifts
from number of the guests"
A RECORD was recently made on the
Coroner's books in New York, that
Charles Burns, boy, died suddenly at
No 03O East Thirty first street, without
the aid of physician
THE jealous man is always hunting for
something he doesn't expect to find, and
after he has found it he is mad because he
has. He is always happy just in proper
tion aa he is miserable.
WE trust the day is not far distant when
the Washington Life Insurance Company
will become so widely known and trusted,
as 1t deserves TO be, that all our ministers,
secretaries, and business men generally,
will avail themselves of its rich advan-
tages.
The Detroit Free Press says no stone
! giants having been dug up lately, it is
! probable that the trade in this line is dead,
though perhaps people are waiting for the
frost to get out of the ground, so that the
digging won't be SO heavy
"BIDDY," said a lady to her servant, al
wish you would step over and see how old
Mrs Jones is this morning." In few
minutes Biddy returned with the ipf forma-
ton that Mrs. Jones was Just seventy two
years seven months and two days old
"THE boy Mt the head of the class will
state what were the dark ages of the world"
Boy hesitatcs. "Next-Master Smith, can't
you tell what the dark ages were ?" al
guess they were the ages just before the
invention of spoctdcles." "Go to your
seats"
WANTS, "A contemporary wants n fifer
and drummer to beat time for the "march
of intellect" pair of snuilers to trim
the light of other days :" ring that
| will fit the finger of scorn;" n loose pull
ley to run the shaft of envy" and a new
cushion for the seat of government"
A LITTLE SToRY.-Fanuy was pretty,
and had clear sweet voice. Fred pro-
! posed to her, and she said, Eyes" Re
vealing his happiness to his friend Frank
| Fred told of the Joyous ring there was in
Fanny's voice when she accepted him.
" A wedding ring, | suppose, old fellow"
was Franks neat reply.
A MAN sentenced TO be hanged prayed
for reprievo, on tho ground that he had
a sore throat, which rendered him unfit
! for the operation of hanging ho feared,
he said, that the most alarming conse-
! Qucnces might ensue if he were hanged in
his present condition,
A MYSTERIOUS deaf girl has boon agi-
tating Sam Francisco A reporter went
TO interview her, and while taking down
the points, indulgcd in remarks which
would not have been complimentary if
she could have heard them. She stood it
for some time, but finally emptied the
coal scuttle over him and pitched him
down stairs He doesn't believe that she
is deaf.
THE original model of telegraph bat
terry, filed by Professor Morse, when he
got his patent, has been unearthed from y
lot of old rubbish in the cellar Of the Pa.
tent Office, where it has been lying for
years The clumsincss of the signal-key,
as compared with one of the present day,
is ridiculous. 1t is nearly two feet long,
and has large lump of lead at the end
iurthest from the hand, to throw the key
up and break the circuit.
THE Philadelphia "Society for the
Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has
received $b,8746s during the past year,
and expended $4,59907 They have
erected three fountains; published cards
and toy books for children, "llints to
owners of horses and mules, grooms and
drivers" copies of the recent Act for
the punishment of cruelty to animals in
the Common and an edition of "A A Plea
for the Dumb Creation" and reported 497
cases of cruelty. Twenty thousand dol
lars have been lately presented to the So
cicty by l., Morris Vain, Esq, the Presl-
dent.
AT Mark Twain's lecture at Ogdens.
hurgh, a few days since, he introduced
himself rs follows Ladies and Gentle
men; The next lecture of this course
will be delivered this evening by Samuel
l.. Clemens, otherwise Mark Twain, a gen
ueman whose high character and unim-
peachable integrity are only eQuslled by
his comeliness of person and grace of
J manner, And l am the man. You will
excuse me for introducing myself for l
have just excused the Chairman from in
Producing me. know it's not the usual
way, but the fact isl never yet have found
Chairman ofa Lecture Committee who
was equal TO the task of introducing me
as ought to be introduced"
Chinese Method OF Preserving Eggs.
As much has been said of late about