Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1870-09-24
a Billings Papers.
HOTELS.
HOTElS.
lie houses ov refuge, homes
grants, the married mans
1.-THE bachelors tireside.

Tue h1cllelOrS nreSluC, u,
&c Kept in all sorts Ov WAYS, :
Al the European plan, and meny :
eN Them ON no plan at all. .
Agood landlord IL like a good step |
mother, he knows his dizziness and {
means to DO hiz duty.
lie knows how to rub hiz hands with |
joy when the traveller draws nigh. he
Knows how TO smile, he knew yure
vile father when he wa7 living, and
yure wite's fust husband, bat he don't
sTeak about him.
lie kan tell whether it will rain to-
morrow or not, he hears yure kom-
plants with n tear in hiz ave-, he blows
up the servants at yure suggestion,
and stands around reddy, with a shirt
collar as stiff az broken china.
y man may be a good supreme
court judge and at the same time be
n miserable landlord.
Most everybody thinks they kan
Keep a hotel and they kan) but this
aekounts for the CRATE number ov ho-
tells that are kept on the same principle
that n justiss ov the peace ofliss IL kept
IN the country during q siX-days' trial
for killing sumboddy's yello dorg.
? Ahotel wontkeep itself and keep the
landlord too, and ever kure n traveller
from the habit ov profane swareing.
| haV had this experiment tried on
me several times, and it alyfus makes
the SwareS wuSs.
1t IL too often the kase that landlords
go into the Dizziness ov hash az minis
tiers go into the ~prOfesshun, with the
very best ov motives, but the poorest
kind ov prospects,.
ldon't know ov emmy Dizziness more
tlattersum than the tavern Dizziness,
there don't seem to be ennything to do
but to stand in front Ov the register
with a pen behind the ear and see that
the guests enter themselfs az soon az
they enter the house, then yank a bell
rope six or seven times, and then tell
John to sho the gentleman to 076, and
then take four dollars and fifty cents
next morning from the poor devil Ov a
traveller and let him went.
This seems to be the whole thing
(and it is the whole thing in most
cases,
Iu will diskover the following des-
kripshun, amid one, ov about 0 hotels
out OY 10 between the Atlantik and
Paciick Oshuns akrost the United
States in a straight line:
lure room IL Is foot & inches, by 9
foot : inches, parallelogramly.
1t being court week laz usual all the
good rooms are employed hi the law.
yers and judges.
Nure room IL on the uttermOst floor
The carpet IL ingram -ingrained
with the dust, kerosene lie, and ink
spots ov four generashuns.
There IL two pegs in the room tew
hitch coats onto, one ov them broke
oph, and the other pulled out, and
missing.
The hIro haz three legs and one
brick.
The glass to the buro swings OH tive
pivots, which have lost their grip.
Thare IL one towel Oh the rack, thin.
but wet. the rain water in the pitcher
cum out ov the well.
The soap IL AZ tutr tew wear az q
milestone.
The soap IL scented with cinnamon
lie, and v%ariagated with spots.
Thare IL three chairs, kane settlers
one IL II rocker, and all three are busted
lhare Is a matchbox, empty.
Thare is no kurtin to the windo, ant
thare don't want to be any, yu kant Sc,
out, and who kan see in?
The bel rope il cum oph about6 inch
es this side ov the ceiling.
The bed IL q modern slat bottom
with two mattresses, one cotton, an,
one husk, and both harder, and abou
az thick as a sea biskit.
Yu enter the bed sideways and kan
feel every Stat at once, AZ cay az VI
could the ribs ov Il grid iron.
The bed il inhabited.
Yu sleep sum, but rool We a goo.
deal.
For breakfast yu have % gong, an.
rhy coffee too kold to melt butter, frid
potatoze which resemble the chips
two-inch auger makes in it, %iouTDe.
ugh an oak log.
id beef ~iakp about ~ tlil