South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1870-11-04
WIT AND IIUMOR.

you are pig or puppy.
ESr Why are country girls' cheeks like
good print dress? Because they are war.
ranted TO wash and retain their color.
EI Falling in love is like falling into
molasses-sweet, but dreadful dauby.
LS An old parson whose peculiarities
approaching were proyerbial, and who was
blessed with a temper of great mildness,
was one day told by parishioner that he
did not like his sermons i don't wonder
at it, said he, Il don't like EN- myself
ES-An Indiana judge has been nick
named odd Necessity because Necessity
knows no law
ET Mary, my love, this apple dump
ling is not half donc'-'Well, finish it,
then, my dear
ES- 'Jiutlemcn, will yees come to or.
der? If you only kape silent, you may
make as much noise as you ploze'
sD~The sting of bee carries conviction
with it. 1t makes man a bee.leayer at
once.
EVFWill you dako sumding?' said
German teetotaler to a friend, while stand
ing near n tavern.
Il don't care if do was the reply
Well, den, let's dake Walk
EETThe man who would keep his head
cool shouldn't put a stovc.pip on it.
ES Men are like potatoes-they do not
know how soon they may be in hot water.
E8T Are ofice-bolders cannbals because
they live on the people ?
ETA young lady, going into n barrack-
room at Fort George, saw an officer toast
ing slice of bread on the point of his
sword; on which she exclaimed, Il think,
sir, you have got the staff of life on the
point of death
ES- y youth was lamenting to his faith
er the ordeal Of popping the question:
Pooh, said the patriarch, show do you
suppose managed ? You needn't talk
responded tie young hopeful, you mari
ed mother, and I've got to marry strange
girl
EE'What is it that stickcth closer than
n brother| said Sunday-school teacher
to one of his class a postage-stamp, ty
gom i" said the ncorrigibo.
Says Katie to her new husband, John
What rock does true love build upon %
Quoth John, and griuned from ear to ear,
"The rock Of yonder cradle, dear"
EFFECT OF STAGE THUNDER An a.
musing scene, says the Journal de Paris,
took place recently at the theatre Of Tou
louise. An honest countryman was present
to see play for the first time in his life.
A melodrama full of terrible incidents was
being performed. One scene represented
a storm. The theatre was sombre, and the
stage was fitted mp as the hall Of an old cha
teau. All at once flashes illuminated the
scene. Oar countryman devoutly makes
the sign Of tho cross, according to the Gus
tom Of his compafriots Then thunder
growls. Another sign of the cross. Fin.
ally ono Of the personages in the drama
preciPtates himself on to the stage. shak.
ing his cloak and crying 'Mon Dicu, what
terrible bail = AZ these words tho peas.
ant springs over the benches and makes his
escape from the theatre, grooming aloud,
Mon Dieu, what will become Of our poor
vines? Arrived in the street, the coun-
tryman was surprised to find that the moon
was shining brightly.
ssg-A An illustration of what Radical
Office holder can DO on small office is
found in the following conversation
Two men passing out Of town on the Cal
weston road, were struck with the beauties
Of Lawrence
Whose place is tbaty said ono Of them.
That is the lordly residence Of Maj Geo
A Reynolds Cost $500
What is his business p
Indian agent
Wha' is hi. salary, and how long has
lac held The Office p
Two gears, a, fifteen hundred dollars
year
Lord what did tho honest fellow do
with tho rest Of bic salary2
Started bis brother and two other hon.
est men 10 the newspaper business to dc.
nouuce corruption
tara Farmer 10 Pennsylvania has found
that even discarded hoop-sbirts can be
made useful by s1.pan1ing them, and
using tho proper weights, he finds that
they make almirahIa tnrkoa and chicknn