The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1870-03-25
Mark TwaIn's Income Tax

marx vain mas DSGD unfortunate
again. but showed his usual tact In
getting out of a bad scrape. He tells
his story in the Buffalo ErpYess of
last Saturday. Having settled
down " to house keeping, he was hon
ored with visit from a gentleman Of
good appearance and gentlemanly ad-
dress. Mark felt that people who
had arrived at the dignity of house
keeping must be conversational, must
be easy and sociable in company. The
conversation, after time, took this
turn:
Nov, you never would guess what
[ made leeturing this Winter and
last Spring"
No-don't believe could, to save
me. Let me see-let nae sec. About
two thousand dollars, maybe. But
no, no. sir, you couldn't have made
that much. Say seventeen hunred,
maybe" :"
Ha-hal [ knew you couldn't.
My lecturing receipts for last Spring
and this Winter were fourteen thou
sand seven hundred and fifty dollars.
What do you think Of that?"
Why, it is amazing-perfectly
amazing. / will make note of it.
And you say even this wasn't all
''All? Why, bless you, there was my
income from the Buffalo Erpress tor
four OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES,
what would you say to about eight
thousand dollars, for instance?"
Say! Why, | should like TO see
myself rolling in just such another
ocean of afuence. Eight thousand !
I'll make note of it. Why, mani
and on top of all this, am | to under
stand thatyou had still more income? 2"
Ha-ha-ha! Why, you're only in
the suburbs of it. so to speak. There
my book, The innooents Abroad
price $3 90 to So, according to the
binding. Listen to me. Look me in
the eye. During the last four months
and half, saying nothing Of sales be-
fore that-but just simply during the
four months and a half ending March
5, 1870, we've sold ninety-fve thous-
and copiesl Think of it. Average
four dollars copy, say. It's nearly
four hundred thousand dollars. my
son. / get half"
The suffering Moses! I'll set that
down. Fourteen n-seventy- eight
two hundred. Total, say-well. upon
/ my hOA0g NAAO SAd10 lOLd1 Is dOQuG
| two hundred and thirteen or four
teen thousand dollars. Is that possi-
ble?n
it's the other way. Two hundred and
fourteen thousand, cash, is my in
come for this year if | know how to
cipher"
Mark says:
As soon as he was gone, l opened
his advertisement. l studied it at
tentively for four minutes; I then
called up the cook and said:
Hold me while faint. Let Maria
turn the batter cake"
Bye and bye, when / came to, I sent
down to the rum mill on the corner
and hired an artist by the week to sit
up nights aud curse that stranger, and
give me lift occasionally in the day
time when came to hard place.
All, what mlscTeant he was. His
advertisement" was nothing In the
world but 8 wicked tax return-a
string OF Impertinent questions about
my private affairs, occupying the best
part of four foolscap pages of fine
print-questlons, | may remark, got
ten up with such marvellous ingenui-
| ty that the oldest man In the world
couldn't understand what the most of
them were driving at-questions, too,
that were calculated to make a man
report about four times his actual in
come to keep from swearing to a lie
| looked for loop hole, but there
didn't appear to be any. Inquiry No,
l covered my case, as generously and
as amply as an umbrella could cover
an ant-hill.
What were your profits, In 1869
! from any trade, business or vocation
wherever carried on?"
And that inquiry was backed up bJ
thirteen others of an equally search
ing nature, the most modest 81 Ehick
required information as TO whether