Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1870-11-09
THE CHRONICLE.


earned IL, out Durdensonle 10 those
who get it for nothing.
The answer to the question, "What
is q house withOutababy >" is, "Well
comparatively quiet"
a vinegar-hearted old bachelor saws
he always looks under the head of
marriages "for news Of the weak"
A coal oil man has named his
daughter Petrolia Ann. It seems to
US that Carrie Sene would be more re-
fined.
The true remedy for a red nose is
temperance and a free Use of the hand
kerchief. The organ can't be red
when its blew.
1t is supposed that the first newspa-
per subscribers were Cain and Joshua.
Cain took A-BelI's Life and Joshua
ordered the SUM-" &c.
LET me have men about me who
drink wine" says. Cesar, "for
it only wants T to make reasonable
men reasonable"
Evil and idle words may seem as
they are uttered, light and trivial
innings; yet if light, they are like the
nlaments Of the thistle-dOwn, each
ieathery tuft floating on the breeze,
weed.
Doctors Wife: ''Why do YOU not
send for my husband, dear, if YOU feel
unveils" Disgustingly Forward
Child: "Oh. Pa says it's generally
easier to get rid Of the disease than
of the doctor, if you once get him in
the house"
An old lake captain, at an Ohio fu-
neral, responded to the whispered in
quiry, chow the departed looked" in
a tone of voice which might have
been heard miles in a n~Orthcaster,
"First-rate, first-rate; / never seen
John looking better in his life"
A man who hadbOrrOEed a sack Of
a neighbOr TO go to mill with, was
knocked into the water and drowned,
and the bag lost. When the news
brought 10 his bereaved wife. she eX-
claimed, my gracious, what a fuss'H
be made now about that sack!"
Gentlemen Of the jury, in this case
NAAE GouAAEEA WI JUL oANEa az NAAAAANA-
ligible the witnesses on both sides
are incredible and the plaintiff and
defendant are both such bad charac-
tiers that to me it is Indifferent which
way you give your verdict.
In a storm at sea, the chaplain asked
one of the crew il he thought there
was any danger. "Oh, yes" replied
the sailor; eff it blows as hard as il
does now, we shall all be in heaven
before twelve o'clock at night" The
chaplain, terrified at the expression,
cried out, 1.-THE Lord forbid!n
Said a distinguished politician to
his son, Look at me! I began as an
alderman, and here / am at the top of
the tree; and what is my reward?-
Why, when l die, my sol will be the
greatest rascal in the city" To this
the young hopeful replied, "Yes, dad,
when you die, but not till then"
"Oh, that mine adversary had writ
ten a book said Job, "What do you
suppose Job wanted his adversary to
write a book for?" a pupil was said to
have asked her teacher, who had
something of a literary turn. "Why,
my dear, Job wanted to review it, Of
course, and cut it up"
The corn crop of 1870, unlike those Of
two years preceding, is a full one, and
the best Of the past ten years. The state
Of the great corn region, including those
bordering on the great lakes and upon
the Ohio and Mississippi rivers, have
without exception made a full or large
crop. An intelligent estimate makes
the total product $4,000 900 bushels.
\ young lady took her younger
brother, a little boy of three or four
years old, to church. The preacher
was an earnest man, and spoke very
loud. During the sermon she saw the
little fellow in tears, and asked him
what was the matter with him. He
sobbed out, that man is .hOllering at
me-"
a New York priest one Sunday
morning observed several sprightly
girls, and wishing to be jOcular with
them. asked what they were doing
Nothing at all, phase your r~iviTence,"
was the reply of IN of them. Moth
ing!' said he; "what is nothing"
''Shut your eyes, your rivirence,n re-
torted the girl, you'll see it."
They have an "anti-gong-bell-ring-
ing and team-whistle-ex
society" in Springfield, Massachu-
sets. The members are pledged new
er to eat hash in hotels addicted to
gOngs; will not attend a church fur
nished with a bell, and make all their
journeys on velOcipedes, rather than
patronize whistling locomotives.
DR.. Hill, an Edinburgh professor Of
the last century, met in the suburbs of
the city a man who was generally re-
gaTded as an imbecile. Somewhat
irritated by his intrusion on the pri-
vacy of his walk, DR.. Hill said to him,
How long, Tom, may one live with
out brains?n Il dinna KEN" said
Tom; chow long hae ye lived your
self?"
A clergyman having called up a
class Of girls and boys, began with
one of the former in these words:
my dear child, tell me who made
yOurVile bOdy?r She had no idea Of
the question applying to anything be-
yOnd her personal appearance, and
dropping a quick curtesy, replied,
please, sir, mother made the body,
but I made the skirt"
\ country apOthecary, not a little
distinguished for his impudenee, in
the hope Of diseoncerting a young
clergyman, whom he knew to be a
man of singular mOdesty, asked him,
in the presence of large company, at
a public assembly, why did the
patriarchs of old live to such an ex-
IRENE age?" To which the clergyman
replied, 81 suppose the ancient patri-
archs took 10 physic."
Uncle: "Well, what's the news ."