The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1870-05-13

assailed the Postmaster General
l besieged the Agricultural Depart
ment; l waylaid the speaker of tn
House of Representatives. The
had nothing to do with army con
tracts for beef. I moved upon thu
Commissioner of the Patent Office
1 said;
"Your august Excellency: On o
about"
"Perdition! have you got her,
with your incendiary beef contract
at last? We have nothing to do
with beef contracts for the army, my
dear Sir,
"Oh, that is all very well-but
somebody has got to pay for the beef
1t has got to be paid now, too, OF II
confscate this old Patent Office and
everything in il"
but my dear Sir"
at don't make any difference, Sir
The Patent Office is liable fol
that beef, / reckon; and liable OF
not liable, the Patent Office has got
to pay for it. J."
Never mind the details. 1t ended
in fight. The Patent Office won.
But I found ont something to my adj
vantage. l was told that the Treas
ury Department was the proper
place for me to 90. l went there
| waited wohours and half, and
] was admitted to the First Lord o.
the Treasury. 1 said;
"Most noble, grave and reverend
Signor: On or about the 10th day
of October, 1861, John Wilson Mac.
ken"
THAT is sufficient, Sir. I have
heard of you. Go to the First Aud
itor of the Treasury"
did so. The Second Auditor
sent me to the Third, and the Third
sent me to the First Comptroller o.
the COrn-Beef Division. This be-
gan to look like business. He ex-
amined his books and all his loose
papers, but found no minute of the
beef contract. l went to the Second
Comptroller of the Corn-Beef Di-
vision. He examined his books and
his loose papers, but with NJ sue
cess. l was encouraged. During
that week I got as far as the Sixth
Comptroller of that division; the
next week l got through the Claims
Department; the third week l began
and completed the Mislaid Contracts
Department, and got a foothold in
the Dead Reckoning Department.
1 finished that in three days. There
was only one place left for it now,
l laid siege to the Commission
er of Odds and Ends. To his clerk,
rather-he was not there himself.
There were sixteen beautiful young
ladies in the room, writing in books,
and there were seven weIl-fayored
young clerks showing them how,
The Young women smiled up over
their shoulders, and the clerks smil-
ed back at them, and all went merry
as a marriage bell. Two or three
clerks that were reading the news
papers looked at me rather. hard, but
went on reading, and nobody said
anything. However, l had been
used to this kind of alacrity from
Fourth-Assistant-Junior Clerks, all
through my eventful career, from the
very day I entered the first office of
the Corn Beef Bureau clear till pas
sed out of the-last one in the Dead
Reckoning Division. 1 had got so
accomplished by this time that 1
could stand on one foot from the
I entered an office till a clerk
spoke to me, without changing more
than two, or may be three times,
So stood there till I had chang
ed four different times. Then l said
to one of the clerks who was reading
"Illustrions Yagrant, where is the
Grand Turk"
"What do you mean, Sir? whom
do you mean? If you mean the
Chief Of the Bureau, he is out.
"Will he visit the harem today
The young man glared upon me
while, and then went on reading his
paper. But 1 knew the ways of
those clerks. IkneW I was safe, if
be got through before another New
York mail arrived, He only had
two papers lett. After a while he
finished them, and then he yawned,
and asked me what l wanted.
Renowned and honored Imbecile. |
On or about
"You are the beef contract man
5ive nae your papers.
He took them, and for a long time
le ransacked his odds and ends.-
Finally he found the North West
as [ regarded it; he found the
ong lost record of that beef contract;
he found the rock upon which so
many Of nv ancestors had split be-
ore they ever got toit. 1 was deeply
moved. And yet l rejoiced--for l
lad survived l said with emotion,
Give it me. The Government will |
settle now. He waved me back,
md said there was something yet to
)e done first
"Where is this John Wilson Mac
-enzie?7 said he.
dead"
"When did he die?''
''He didn't die at all-he was
Tiled"
'EHowy'
aTomahawked,
"WhO Tomahawked him?"
'.Why, an Indian, of course. YouI
.idn't suppose it was a superintend-
mt of Sunday School, did you"
'.No. An Indian, was it,"
"The same.'
'Name of the IndianE
''Hls name. | don't know his
anne"
"HuSt have his name. Who saw
he tomahawking done
Il don't know"
''You were not present yourself