The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-11-15
H U N oRoUs ITEMS

the galloWS, and Ill never drink anoth-
er drop as long as live"
Bay" Adversity,' saysa western preach
er, takes us up short and sets us down
hard and when it's done with us we feel
as contented as boy that's been spanked
and set away to cool.
R6g" There is a man down east, rather
facetious fellow, whose name is New.
He named his first child Something, as it
was something new. His next child was
called Nothing, it being nothing new.
D@~ A crusty old bachelor sends us
the following conundrum: What is the
difference between honeycomb and
honeymoon? A honeycomb consists of
number of small " cells" and a honey
moon consists of one great "sell."
BGgn Dr.S. wants to know if you will
please to pay this bill now ?"
Old gentleman looks over the items
and replies:
"Toll DR.. S. I'll pay him for his med
icines, and return his visits"
DSg~ A little four-year old boy sat
alone on the piazza, when a new physi-
clan came to see his sick mother. The
doctor naturally wished to make acquain-
tance, and said " How old are you, my
son 2" " I'm not old Pm neww said the
boy
Dag~ A man who had filed petition
for divorce was informed by his counsel
that his wife had filed " cross petition"
as lawyers calls it. GA cross petition /"
exclaimed the husband. "That's Just
like her, she never did good-natured
thing in her life !" q
pSs~ A captain, of the old school,
being at ball, had been accepted by
beautiful partner, a lady of rank, who in
the most delicate manner possible, limited
to him the propriety of putting on pair
of gloves ooh w was the elegant reply
"never mind me, am; I shall wash
my hands when I've done dancing.
DagD Ma" said an intelligent, thought
full boy of nine, Il don't think Solomon
was SO rich as they say he was" Why,
my DEAR what could have put that into
your head 2" asked the astonished mother.
because the Bible says he slept with
his fathers; and | think if he had been
so rich, he would have had bed of his
own"
B9H The following scene recently oc-
Cured in one of our courts between the
judge and Dutch witness, all the way
from Rotterdam What is your native
language?" 81 pc no native" "What
is your mother toungue?" Ich hab no
modder, mynheer." What did you
first learn? What language did you speak
in the cradle ?" 81 did not speak no
language in de cradle; I only cry in
Dootch."
Das~ Hahneman, the founder of the
Homeopathic school, was one day con-
suited by wealthy English lord. The
doctor listened patiently to the statement
which the patient made to him. He
then took small vial, opened it, and
held it under the lords nose 'Smell
Well, you are cured?" The lord asked,
in surprise, How much do l owe you p
A thousand francs,' was the rc, The
lord Immediately pulled out bank-note
and held it under the doctors nose.
Smell Well you are paid
BaE~ A little fellow, some four or five
years old, and who had never seen a NO.
gro, was greatly perplexed one day when
one came to where he and his father
were. The youngster eyed the stranger
suspiciously till he had passed, and then
asked his father:
"Pa, who painted that man all black
so?"
God did, my son." replied the father.
"Well," said the little one, still look
sng after the negro. wouldn't have
held still unless he had painted me a
prettier color
Bey- From Missouri, friend furnishes
the following information upon matter
which has probably suggested an in
quiry in more than one mans mind !:
A venerable and greatly esteemed and
respected old patriarch, late of this vicini-
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