New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1870-04-20
a MYSTERIOUS VISIT.

internal revenue, VINO Virtues tua. ~ 10 'Ao
unanimous opinion of the assistant as
SCISSORS of the tbirtieth dlstrict tnat IL
Ought to be published III the record. IL ID
suggestive, he adds, "of some iun, anu
auy amount of truth in reference 10 inc
assessment Of incomes, ana we thimh ~
weuld be interesting to the revenue Objects
generally
when | "settled down. recently, was py
gentleman who sad be was an assessor,
and connected with the United States ln-
harual Revenue Department. L SAID hao
never heard of this branch OF business
before. but was very glad to see hun, all
Che same--would he sit down! lie SAT
.Sown. | did not know anything partica-
lar to say, and yet l felt that people VINO
have arrived at the dignity OF keeping
house must be conversational, must be easy
and sociable in company. So in default OF
anything else to say, asked him ii ne was
<,uening his shop in our nelgnborhood.
He said he was. RI did not wish to ap-
gear ignorant, but l had hoped he would
mention what he had for sale.
I yeutured to ask him show was trader
and, he said "So-so."
then said we would drop in, and If we
q tlkSu DtS uOuSC do WOiA GO SeASNb W.
would give him our custom.
He said he thought We would like his
establishment we'll enough TO Contine our
selves 10 it; said he never saw anybody
who would 90 of and hunt up another
man in bis line after trading with him
once,
That sounded pretty complacent, but
barring the natural expression of villainy
which we all have, the man looked honest
enough.
I do not know how it came about, ex-
actly. but gradually we appeared to melt
down and run together, conversationally
speaking, and then everything went along
as comfortably as clockworh.
We talked, and talked. and talk dat
Least did. And we laughed, and laughed,
and laughed-at least he did. But all the
time | had my presence of mind about
eue-I had nv native shrewdnesS turned
On, full head" as the engineers say.
was determined to fad cut all about bis
business, in spite of his obscure answers
and was determined l would have it out
. Of him without his suspecting what was
at. mean to trap him with deep, deep
ruse. would tell him all about my own
business, and he would naturally so warm
to me during this seductive burst of con-
idence, that he would forget himself and
tell me all about his affairs before he sus-
pected what was about. | thought to
myself, nay son, you little know what al
old fox Won are dealing with. | said:
eNow YOU would never guess what
made lecturing, this winter and last
spring."
"No-don't believe l could to save me.
Let me see-let me see. About two
thousand dollars may be? But nO-no,
sir, I know you couldn't have made that
much. Say seventeen hundred, may be-!
"Ha-ha. I knew you couldn't. Ny
Iecturing receipts for last spring and this
winter wele fourteen thousand seven
hundred and fifty dollars-what do you
think Of that?'
Why it is amazing-perfectly amazing.
I will make a note OF II. And you say
even this wasn't all?'
"All! Why, bless you, there was my
Income from the Buffalo Express for four
r,,onths-about-a bout-well, what should
you say to about eight thousand dollars, for
Lzstance?"
"Say! Why, should say l should like
TO see myself rolling in just such another
ocean of affluence. Eight thousand! III
make note of it. Why, man and on
top Of this 1 am to understand that you
had still more income y
"Ha-ha-ha! Why, you're only in the
suburbs of it, SO to speak. There's my
book. The fnnocents Abroad price
three dollars and fifty cents to five dollars,
according to the binding. Listen to me.
Look me in the eye. During the last four
months and half saying nothing of sales
before that, but just simply during the
four months and a half ending March Is,
1870, we've sold ninety-fve thousand
copies of that book. Think of it. Average
four dollars copy, say. It's nearly four
hundred thousand dollars, my son. | get
half
1.-The suffering Moses! I'll set that
down. Fourteen seven-ifty. ight-two hun
6red. Total, say-well, upon my word
the grand total is about two hundred and
thirteen or fourteen thousand dollars ls
that possible?''
Possible. If there's any mistake it's
Tie other way. Two hundred and four
seen thousand, cash, is my income for this
year if know how to cipher"
Then the gentleman got I'D to go. 1t
came over me most uncomfortably that
maybe l had made my revelations for moth
ing, besides being fattered into stretching
them considerably by the stranger g
astonished ordinations. But no; at last
moment the gentleman handed me a
large envelop, and said it contained his ad-
vertisement; and that would find out all
his business in it: and that he would be
happy to have my custom-would, in fact,
be proud to have the custom of man of
such prodigious income; aud that he used
TO think there were several wealthy men in
BuffAlo, but when they came to trade with
him he discovered that they barely had
enough to live on; and that in truth it had
been weary, weary age since he had seen
q rich man lace to face. and talked with
him, and touched him with his hands, that
he could hardly refrain from embracing
me-in fact, would esteem it a great favor
If / would let him embrace me.
This so pleased me that did not try to
resist, but allowed this simple-hearted
stranger to throw his arms about nae and
weep few tranquilizing tears down the
back of my neck. Then he went his way
AS soon as he was gone, | opened his
advertisement. | studied it attentively
for four minutes. then called upon the
cook and said
"Hold me while | faint. Let Maria
sarn the battar-cakes.
BY and by, when I came to, I sent
down to the rum mill on the corner and
hired an artist by the week to sit up
nights and curse that stranger, and give
me lift occasionally in the day time
when came to hard place.
An, what miscreant he was His
advertisement" was nothing in the world