Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-01-14
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
RK(ElHoLDERs-Hiyes.

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MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
| BE(E)HOLDERs-H1ves.
| GOOD MoTIvEs-Loco-mot
| A FAST TEAM-A team in the mud.
STEADY ON HIS PEGs-A shoemaker.
THE BEST THING oUT-Ap aching tooth.
"WEATHER STRIPS "-Tattered avn
| ings.
"RoLLINe STocK." Cattle on Rail
ways.
A POLICY in the Washington Life brings
| contentment.
NEVER tell secrets 10 corn-fi eld-just
| think of the ears
WATERS EPITAPH.-He couldn't wait
any longer-so he went. ,
THE man who works with will-The
Probate Judge. a a7
WHEN does a cabbage beat beet in
growing? When it gets ahead.
| WHY is badly conducted hotel like a
| fiddle? Because it is vile inn. @
THERE is nothing like adversely to
bring a man out-at the knees and elbows
"GENTLY the dews are DER me steal
X,
| due bills presented to him at one time.
A YOUNG lady who drew gentleman s
wrapper at recent concert in Water
| bury, Conn, now wants gentleman to
put it on.
| A NEVADA CITY merchant advertises
| odd rags of a greenish hue, embellished
with Chase's photographs, cheerfully ac-
copied in payment for stock"
| ALWAYS turn your toes outward and
your thoughts inward; the first will keep
you from falling into the gutter, and the
last from falling into iniquity.
| MRS PARTINGToN has been reading the
health officers weekly reports, and thinks
" total must be an awful malignant dis
ease, since as many die of it as all the rest
put together.
BEaGAR-woMAN: "Please, sir, give me
a penny to keep me from starving "
Gent: "Can't stop; in hurry I've got
to make speech at the Society for the
| Relief of the Destitute"
| WHETHER you are to live long, or to
| die soon, it is wise to insure your life in
the Washington; for if you are to live
long, policy of insurance is equal to
money at compound interest; and if you
are to ole soon, the investment results in
a financial gain to your estate, proportion
ally larger.
A FRENCH paper prints the following
The wife of General X. dying suddenly
during his absence, his family was greatly
perplexed to decide how the news should
be conveyed to him. A nephew under.
took the task and sought out the widower
General, my aunt is very ILL.," "You
frighten me-" eyes, fear we can not
save her" "You sly dog" cried the be-
reayed husband putting his fore finger to
his nose, "Pll bet that she's dead p
A MIsCHIEvoUs boy, having got posses.
sion of his grandfather's spectacles, pri.
vately took out the glasses; and when the
old gentleman put them on, finding that
he could not see, he exclaimed, "Mercy
on me, I've lost my sight |" But thinking
the impeachment to vision might be the
dirtlness of the glasses, he took them of
to wipe them, when, not feeling them, he
still more frightened, cried out, "Why
I've lost my feeling tool"
MATRIMoNY is-hot cakes, warm beds,
comfortable slippers, smoking coffee, round
arms, red lips, kind words, shirts exultinp
in buttons, redeemed stockings, bootjacks
happiness, etc. Single blessedness is
sheet-iron quilts, blue noses, frosty rooms,
ice in the pitcher, unregenerated linen,
heelless socks, coffee sweetened with lei
Giles, gutts,- percha biscuits, rheumatism,
corns, coughs, cold dinners, coles, rhu,
barb, and any amount Of misery.
T. A YOUNG man from the country was
supping with some city acquaintances-
chiefly females Thinking to have fun al
his expense, one of the girls said to him
"You country folks don't often drink gen
uine tea, and perhaps you would prefer
the adulterated stuff Now what kind
would you like?" eff it's all the same tc
you, ladies'" he answered, "Pn take lit
tie civil-tea mixed with modes tea com
bination see you have not got"
A wELL-DREssED man, of easy and as
/ sured manners, took a seat in Bowery
restaurant and eat literally of the most
expensive dishes on the carte Having
concluded his dinner, he coolly laid his
expensive ticket on the pay counter, and
looking the proprietor steadily in the eye
said: Please accept this ticket from me
i have no money" "No money p sale
the irate landlord "Why then did you
eat nay vittles?" Because was hungry.
Yes, but you could have got along with
less what did you eat the best there was
in the house for? If you're beat and 6
beggar, why didn't you take plain fod
der?" Because" said the stranger, 81
was brought up gentleman, and my
stomach revolts at homely food" "Wel
that is good" beloved the landlord
losing all control of himself; "you shall
pay for them vittles, and I'll collect it out
of your hide" and reaching down his re
volver, he sprang over the counter anG
| collared his unwelcome guest, who de
liberately put up his eye-glass and sur
veyed the murderous instrument "Ahr
said he, at last "only revolver. Pro
coed. | aoas fearful you had a stomach
pump" @
The Lengthening Days and the Strength