The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1870-09-27
TnE NEW MINISTER 10 ENGLAND.

Secretary Fish's Instructions to Senator
Morton-Where he should Board. what
he should Eat, and how he should Dress
his Servanis-He must Keep his Mouth
shut about the Ala bana Claims.
Correspondence OF The su
NAsHISGroS, Sept. Ex-senator Morton hav-
ing accepted the appointment Of Minister to Eng.
land, We may suppose that Mr.. Fish is making out
his instructions, and without any great stretch of
the Imagination may fancy that they read As fol
lows:
Senator Norton.
DEAR SIR: You will at once proceed 70 ENGLAND
as Minister to the Court of ST. James. You will go
in an English steamer as Amoric ms have no ste au
ers, tie English pirate Alabama having driven them
from the ocean, ~ well as American sailing ships
Before the Englis turned pirates Ne had more ships
than they; but nov we have not got halt as many.
But don't anything about tnis delicate subject 10
the Engshmen, as VOC might hurt their feelings.
When you arrive in London, be sure AID hire a
big house at West End; not 20 that old fellow
DR.. Franklin did; be went into lodgings on the
Have your servants wear livery, yellow plush
breeches, and long sllk stockings, red jacket blue
coat, brass buttons, BE sure and put on plenty OF
buttons, and put plenty Of white powder and poma-
tum on the men seryants lair. Don't forget the
big shoe buckles plated will answer. You DeiIg
Western man NAV not be acquainted with these
matters. Gen. Sherman says that Western boys
can march and eeht all anybody can, but It is de-
pertinent and style that Ia wanted in London.
Now We como TO ealng and drinking NJ dinner.
That Is the chicf end Of an l. glishman Your cook
ana Dutef VIII arrange " all inr you. leaving you
nothing TO do but TO pay the bills, # eV Min be
rather large, but then servants must have some
small Qualifications" from the uadesmea they en-
ploy.
Now about speaking amer dinner.
Don't intimate that we have the least ground ri
comp NJ, but declare quitting vour Tan on Nour
hear;) mat John Bull Is the most Immaculate Dens
on earth ~
Don't say anything about their having a million
p"nt Ia alIuds 10 TIC iact at starvation follows
everywhere eir nag. Last year two millions starved
| in lndia. Ireland has been starved ron ten mil
| lions down to fte, "
Don't aude to the fact that onehal' their inhabi-
tant, can't read write thNt OF all lorhs of hu
nan Government thoirs (tht rstOcratic) the mos
rueI and unjust. Hut tell them how fortunate slx
| hundred lords are VINO rule the country and own
most of tho land ana how splendid their castles
| no ~ broad are their acres Tell them we also are
| Englisi only We are second quality compared
With them. lower grade, ns thay have learned b.
| word and deed. sGid and done b. American snobs
and toides living ~ London for the last TWENTY-FIVE
ears tlat our language Is the same that our re
| lIgon il the same.
Bc sure and hitch on 20 lord or two constantly
II makes little difference TO his wurthiness; nut
| be sure let him be real live lord.
As regards the Alabama, keep silent We are de
termined TO have peace at any price. Bouts ell can
| screw out mono fast enough from our overtaxo ,
| industry II you make any trouble.
| Such we must suppose has been the spirit whlcl
las for years disgRced our foreign affairs, and wi
be likely TO continue to dsg ace US under the nan
| agement OF Mr.. Fish.