The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1870-04-07

HUMOROUS.

lie OLDEST ICFblheI Ilt tdtt'i.
Til. Home McloIist The baby.
Ever, card player know. good deal.
An Irl,n gentleman thus sofi0quized:
g.. hai . waste a. money 30 he buying mate
wen Suu snuw half ~ It !, bone; while
sou can -plnQ II iul run that b.sH boac
IN
Jennie Collins woman sufT. agist, is hard
Oh her sisters. They d TAX" 4 man. SAID
Jennie, vino had moDey, # he wa cios.
eyed asa fo-d -.
The late Admiral >rewart says: u never
lost bui one to0ih ~ ny lite II achcd and
| puHcd IT out wlfn i ballet mold, aboard
q ship. IN gd.c u Wind
A nosegay is easily obtained. -Four bran
dy tCdlIcs day, Tor cnupie 81 months,
will puG you ia the way Ui one that viii as
tunIsh ali yVur inrau,.
"Fa,her," eaid lad, Il have often read
Of persons being poor hut honest, why
don they sometimes LAY rich but honest!
Tut. tut, NY .on, rcrllcd the father,
NOBODY would believe them.
The following toast was given at a recent
bauqucl: The nights Of wOu!an, II she
cannot he captain OF a ship. may she al
ways comuaud a smack.
Brown-"W hose boy is that, Jones ~
Jones-"Oh, a relative OF mine 10y mar
rage" Brown-''N hat relation Joue.
"A son, that ; all.
is your house warm one, land!orI?'
asked gcu,l man III search OF Il house
1t ought to be, WAS the reply. The
painter gave 1t two coats recently.
One Of the most eminent awy ers III Eng
land used to tel young practitioners that
the finest line in the modern poetry was
SCOTS: charge, Chester, charge
The Cincinnati Ghromcie compositor
who changed the name OF the gun-boat
Oneida 10 One Idea, evidently bad the
latter Oh the BRAIN.
No matter how low gold may get, it will
never want frieuds.
An exchange says Adam was Mormon,
because he married ali the women IN the
world.
How many apes did your first parents
cat IN the garden vi Edeul Eve and
Adam :.
An exchange wants the government to
issue stamps tor Kerosene, inscribed, Pre-
pare 10 meet Thy God.
A young man at a recent fire in Rutland,
VI, threw away pail OF water because Ut
was too hot To do any good.
One of the sages says: Don't go to
law unless you have nothing to lose ; law
yers houses are butt OF toos heads.
John Chinaman writes to his country
men III San FrsncIeco, Me iikey Texasy
plenty wolky, plenty pavy, plenty eaty.
An exchange speaks Of the language Of
a classical bore, aud the Boston CONNER
clal Bulletin thinks this must be the hog
latin we read about.
An Indiana lawyer recently charged a
Chant SO for Collecting 80, but said he
would not press hun to pay the other dollar
for a week or two, # not convenient.
A PHILADELPHIA woman called at a house
snd ass cd where Mr. Brown was, and Mrs
Brown replied with pail OF hot water that
has created three months sickness.
A negro parson in the West, preaching
against the love of money, concluded his
sermon ty saying: And finally, brethren,
We cpn judge what God thinks OF money
by the class Of people he give. II TO.
A lady asked pupil, at public exam
ination of Sunday school, Nv hat was the
sin of the Pharl>ecs ]? Eating camels,
marin, quickly replied the child. She
had read that the PnariSees strained al
gnAts and swallowed camels.
A trsdesman down town obi cted, the
other day, 10 receive from one OF his Gus
tomers Il not at thirty days, on the ground
that he might die before that time Die!
exclaimed the Gu ,tomer, who ever heard
of a man dying within thirty days.
A clergyman remark I'd over the grave of
tricky politician, who was never known
TO do anything without some sinSter pur-
pose that 1t would be great consolation
to his friend, if they could have ascertain>
ed bis motive IN thus suddenly leaving
them.
An Arkansas sheriff, who could not get
carpenter $ to build galiows, to execute
q criminal, had the cheek to tell the erin
inal that II he was IN a hurry 10 have the
show come off, he would have TO turn in
aud help build it. The man declined, aud
told the sheriff not to hurry on his account.
An elderly Baptist lady, living up the
Ariend: We can't get to meeting this
weather, but the minister staid with Us
three days; We We him ten pounds of
butter and ham, and you better believe
We kept him praying while he stsid
A little boy in Hudson, y. Y, on re-
turning home from church, was asked by
his mother to give The text After
thou gbtiul pause, the little fellow replied,
Il don't hardly remember, but it was
somethlg about Lawk between two pig
cons. The text was, Why halt ye be
tween two opinions p
During the reccnt female suffrage con
vcntiun IN Brattlcborough, litt.e Toy was
found in the street III tears and great trcu-
bic Nv ha, is the natter asked a sym>
pafhizing passer by To which inquiry the
httle fellow Numbered out My mothers
CONS 10 the woman town meeting, and
sue d dat leave cut nothing 10 cat.
An old gentleman of eishty-four having
taken to the altar damsci o; about sixteen
the Clergyman said to him. Il lie font is at
the other end OF the church
What do | want OF Tie font?" said the
old gentleman.