Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1870-04-22

| Tight Roots -'AN
l would jist like tew kno who the MAJ
was who fust invented tiee boots. a
| He must have bin narrow and kon
trakted kuss.
If he still lives, hope he haz repented
oy hiz sin, or IL enjoying crate agony o,
some kind. a
| / hay bin in a crate menny tite spots in
mi life, but generally could manage II
make them average; but thare IL no such
thing as making pair of tite boots aver.
age.
Yu kant git an average on the pinch
oV tite boot, emmy more than yu kan on
the bite oy lobster. w
Emmy man who kan wear pair ov
tite boots, and be humble, and penisent,
and not indulge in profane literature, win
make a good husband. wo
| He will do more than that, he will do
TO divide up into several fust klass hus-
bands, and be made to answer fora whole
naberhood.
Obi for the pen ov the departed VIM.
Shaksspear, to write an anathema against
tite boots, thatwould make anshunt Rome
wake up and howl agin, az she did once
before on previous oekashum.
Oil for the strength of Herkules, to
tare into shu strings all the tite boots of
| ereashun and skater them to the winds
| of heaven.
OH for the buty of Venus, tew make
bigg foot look hansum without lite
boot on it. e..
OH for the payshunce of Job, the
Apostle, to nuss tite boot and bless it,
and even pra for one size smaller and
more pinchful.
OH for pair ov boots bigg enuff for
the foot ov mountain.
haV been led into the above assert
ment ov "Ohs' from having in my pos
sesshun, at this moment, apair of num-
Der nine boots, with pair ov number
eleven feet in them.
BIi feet are az dogs noze the fust
time he wears muzZle.
think mi feet will eventually choke
the boots to deth.
live in hopes they will.
l supposed had lived long enuff not to
be phOoled agin in this way, but hav
found that an ounce Ov vanity weighs
more than a pound of reason, espeshly
when a man mistakes a big foot for a
small one.
Avoid tite boots, mi friend, as you
would the grip oV the devil, for many
man haz caught for life fust rate habit
for swearing by encouraging hiz feet to
hart his boots.
hav promised mi two feet, at least
dozen OV times during mi checkured life,
that they never should be strangled agin,
but l find them to day az full ov pain az
the stummuk axe from sudden attack of
teboots.
But this il solemnly the last pair ov tite
boots will ever wear; will hereafter
wear boots az big az my feet, if have to
go barefoot to do it.
am too old and too respectable to be
phool emmy more.
-Eazy boots is one ov the iuxuries ov
life, but forgit what the other luxury IL,
but don't know as care, provided can
git rid ov this pair ov tite boots.
Emmy man kan hav them for seven dol
lars, just half what they kost and if they
don't make his feet axe wuss than an
angle worm in hot ashes, he needn't pay
for them.
Methuseles il the only man that l kan
kali to mind now who could have afforded
to have wore tite boots and,enjOyed them;
he had crate deal of waste time to be
miserable in, but life now days il too
short, aad too full ov aktual Dizziness TO
phool away emmy ov it on tite boots.
Tite boots are an insult to emmy mans
understanding.
He who wears tite boots viii have to
acknowledge the corn.
Tite boots have no bowels of mersy,
their insidcs are wrath and promiskOus
cussing.