Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1870-03-18
NUMBER 81.
Marriage.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.


Marriages iz fare transaction on
the face ov IT,.
But thare 10 quito too often put up
jebs In it.
It iz an old iustltushun, older thnn
the pyramids, and az full ov hyrogIi-
phicks that NOBODY can parse.
History holds its lounge who wa7
the pair who fnst put on the silken
hadness, and promised tew work
Kind i'm IL, thru thik and thin, up
hill, and down, and on the level.
rain or shine, survive or perish, sink
or swim, drown or fiote.
But whoever they waz, they must
hev made a good thing out ov 1t, or
so menny ov their p0sterity wood
not hev harncssed up sence and dfiv
out.
Thare IL a great moral grip In mar
iaKe; IL liz the morter AlsskL holds the
soshull bricks together.
But tharc ain't but darn phew
pholks who put their money In mat
rinony who could set down and give
a good written opinyun whi or how
on arth they cum 10 dew 10.
This IL CRATE proof that IL liz ono
ov thoze natral kind Nv acxsidents
that must happen, jist NJ birds fly
ont ov the nest, when they hev feath-
ers enuff, without bein able tn tell
viii.
Sum marry for buty, and never dis
kover their mistake; This liz lucky
for them.
susi marry fur money, and-don's
see IL.
Sum marry for pedigree, aud feel
big for six months, and then very
scnsibly cum I'll the conclusion that
pedigree amt no better than skim
milk. #aa
Sum marry to plecze their rela--
shuns, and are surprised To learn that
thare relations don't care cuss for
them afterward.
Sum marry bekause they hev bin
highsied some WHARF else: this q
cross match, hay and n sorreI
pride may make 1t .ndurab Y
sum marry tur love with cent In
thare pockets, nor a friend I'm the
wurld, nor u droy of pedigree. This
looks desperate, but ii liz the strength
of the game.
If marrying fur love ain't n suc-
cess, then matrimony Is ded beet.
Sum marry belSause they think
that wimmin pholks will be skarce
next year, aud live tew wonder how
the crop holds out .a.#
sum marry tew get rid of Them
selves. aud discover that the game
waz one that tsw Good play mt, aud
neither one win.
Sum marry the second time 10 get
even, and fiud IL n gambling game,
the more they put down the less they
take up.
sum marry tew be happy, and not
finding 10, wonder where all the hap
piness goes to when 1t dies.
Sum marry, they can't tell why,
and live, they can't tell how.
Almost everybody gets married,
and IL IL good joke.
sum marry In haste, aud then sit
down and think it careful over fust,
and then set down aud marry.
Both ways are right, II they hit
the mark.
SUM marry rakes tew convert
them. This liz little risky, and
takes smart missionary to 40 It.
sum marry kokeis. This liz like
buying a poor farm. hevily NOR
gagged, and working the ballence ov
yure days to cleer oph the mortgages.
/ Married life haz its chances, and
this liz lst the thing that gives 1t its
flavor. Everybody luvs tn phool
with the chances, bekaws every bod
dy expekts tn win. But Il am au~
tllorized tn state that everybody
don't win. ........ ......
But. after all, married life IL full on
certain NJ the dry goods bizzness
! No man kan swear exactly where
he viii fetch up when he touches
kaliko.
No man kan tell jest what kaliko
will do next.
Kaliko don't kno even herself.
| Diy goods ov all kinds Is the child
ov circumstansis.
Sum never marry, but this liz list
az risky tina disease Is the same.
with an other name tew IL.
The man who stands on the bank
shiyerin, and dassent, liz more apt
tew ketch cold than him who pitch
es he'd fust into the river. -.
There liz but few who never marry
bekause rhey ,con't-they all banker,
and most ov them siarve with slices
ov bread before them (spred on both
sidesl. jist for the lack of rit. ...
Marry young! IL nay motto.
I / hey tride IL. and / kno what I
am talking about.
If emmy boldly asks yu whi yu got
married: (if nedes be- tell him, yu
don't rekoktcdt.
| Marriage liz soft way tcw gamble
LII yu wiz yu win a pile, liz you
loze yon don't loze emmy thing, only
the privilege of living dizmally
alone, aud soaking yure own feet.
/ ! repeat IL, In italieks, marry y,ing!
Tbare Is but one good excuse for a
iuarriage late In life, and that is--a
secknd marriage.