Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1870-02-14

Iwiu write ycz from tie tomb.
TERENCE MIGRANT.
Auccro was caught in 4 gentIemau's garden
at Roanoke. \. C.. the other night, in close
proximity 20 a lot Of fine cabbage. When in
terrogatei as TO what he was doing. he replied,
Good Lord dis nirear can't 90 nowhar to
v,ay without lc'u' troubled" The next day
it was discovered that he had prayed some
half-dozca heads Of cabbage Of their stalks.
IN cd gentleman by the name Of Gould
having married a very young wife, wrote
poetic epistle 70 friend, to inform him Of it,
and concluded it thus;
$50 Won sec nv daa- Sir, though I'm eighty
wears old,
4 girl Of eighteen is in love Withhold GOuldE
To which bis friend replied:
a girl Of eighteen may love Gold it is true;
But believe me, dear Sir, il l. Gold without l.
4 chap out in Michigan wanting a wife
not as an ornament Of society but as a
useful member thereof thus advertised
" Any gal what's got bed, coffee pot, a
skillet. and knows how to cut out britchss,
can make 4 hunting shirt. and knows how to
take care Of Young uns, ken have my services
till death parts on Us"
81, Won believe in second love Mister Nc
Ouadc ~ " Do l believe in second lovc?-
Humph, fla man buys a pound Of sugar,
isn't it swato' and when it's gouc don't he
want another pound, and isn't that swatc,
too Troth Murphy, I DO believe in second
love
Only four biographers have vet attempted
the life ofpoor Peabody. while at least twenty
women have claimed that they could have
married him Il they had wanted to. How
self DENYING some Of those old gals are, to be
sure.
An exchange saws Detroit girl has been
fined S25 for screaming murder" when a
fellow Rugged her The lover paid the fine
Our devil saws the girls in this section don;
scream ou such occasions
A Dutch doctor has published a medical
tract in which he maintains that ladies Of
weak nerves should not be permitted to sleep
alone" 1t is said that the tract is in great
demand
On a certain occasion Of an eclipse in Vir-
ginia. colorcd individual became greatly Ella
ted. Dress de lord :" said he. ringers time
hab come at last, and now ives gwiue to hab
black sun.
A dandy swell IN New York is in a fix His
pants were made so tigh, for him that he cant
get ms boots on, and if be puts the boots on
first, he can't get the pants on.
A youug man wants a situation where the
only heavy thing is the salary. he is willing
TO dispense with any amount Of work, if this
can lie guaranteed.
An Irjsamau. charged with an assault was
asked BY the iul-e whether he was guilty or
not How can ten, WIS tho reply, ." till
have heard the evidence
Opportunity is the flower Of time and as
the stalk may still remain when the flower is
cut oil. 30 time may remain with us when OPP
rygtu1itv IS gone.
7, IS said that bleeding a partially Blind
horse viii restore him to sight. Somuch fu-
the horse To open a mans eyes. YOU bleed
Lim ia the pocket
A Pennsylvania farmer Ind warm time
few day, since. lie ajn'cl away in mis- barn
yard AMI his hogs took a lunch or Him, AMI
he now carries both LEGS 10 sling.
Why is the letter vervuntort1nate? Re-
-ause It is always in trouble. wretcbedro,s AMI
misery is The beginning Of not and ruin and
is never found in peace. innocence. or love.
A Canadian postmaster had ke- Of dam
aged powder and threw a lump into the stove
70 see whether it was good for anything. His
widow is now repairing the house.
A little girl, seeing litter Of kittens for the
frst time, expressed her opinion that some
body had shaken pussy sll 10 pieces.
An artist painted a bottle Of spruce beer 50
naturally that the cork few ont before he
,'U.l paint the string to istcn it.
Marriage said an unfortunate husband.
" is Che church ward Of love" And you
men replied lis wife. are the grave digsers.
" Gently the dew> are Ger me stealing as
the man SAIL when Eve due bills were presented
Linn 40 one time.
When person has got 81 far as to accuse
the sidewalk Of trying to throw him down it
is time to go home
Q How long kan a goose stand on one leo ? |
4. Fry it-thats she way the goose found
out.