The Tarboro' southerner., 1870-07-14
SPUN GIAN "a.

Divorces are called ''unhitchments
in Indiana.
To conceal fault by lie, has
been said to be substituting a hole or
a stain.
do make yourself at home, ladies"
said lady one day to her visitors. 81
am at home myself and l wish you
we're"
A little girl Of eight or ten summers
being asked what dust was, replied that
"It was mud, with the juice squeezed
out
II came near selling my boots the
other day" said Scuttle to friend
How so?' We'll, l had them half
soled'
"BilI, you young scamp, if you had
your dues you'd get good whipping
Il know it, dsdy, but bills are not al.
ways paid when due"
'Muggins, what era in the worlds
history do you regard with the deepest
horror?' The cholera ! gasped Mug
gins, with spasmodicshudder.
Excited Frenchman at Niagara Falls
"Ah! dis is de grand spectakel! Su-
paarb Mague6que BY gar, it comes
down frst-rate "
Il say Bill, Jem's got ten years State
prison for stealing horse Serve
him right; why didn't he buy one, and
not pay for it, like any other gentle
man.'
A poet wrote of his departed love,
eve will hallow her grave with our
tears" but the wicked printer, set 1t up,
1--WE will harrow her grave with our
steers
The difference between a country
and city ''gresnhorn" is that the one
would like to know everything, and
the other thinks he can tell him.
An Irishman, eating his first green
corn, handed the cob to the waiter,
aud asked, will yes place put some
more hanes upon me stick"
The world is safe from collision for
a while as the oonsolipg Intelligence is
afforded US that for the next hundred
years the distance between the earth
and the SUD will gradually increase.
The managers of McTicLer's Thea
tre, Chicago, advertise that they will
pay twenty-five cents each for one
hundred live cats. to perform ia new
sensation, The Shower of Cats"
The only prisoner iu the Nantuct>
ct Jail notifies the authorities that il
they don't fix up that jail SO that the
sheep can't get in to bother him, he
will be blowed if he will stay in there
Aud old farmer, whose son had died
lately, was visited by neighbor, who
began to condole with him on his loss
My loss = exclaimed the father; nc
such thing. 1t was his own loss-he
vas Of age
A Delaware farmer curbed the fris
k;ness Of his oxen's tail by tying {
brick to each. He CO, sidered the plar
failure when one Of the brutes swung
the brick at maddeuiug fly and brain
ed the farmers Oldest boy.
Miss said gentleman proffering BIZ
ann aud umbrella to lady ip as how
er, permit me to be your beau
Thank you for your politeness,' wa.
the reply, and as [ have plenty of fai
weather beaux l will call you my
rainbeau'
Josh Billings says bachelors are al
ways Dragging over their freedom!-
freedom to darn their own stocking
aud poultiss their own shines | hat
rather be widouer once in two years
than tew be a gruntjng, old, hair dyee
bachelor only 80 days.
Single ladies in general do not ap
prove of the re,mlrriage of Widows
A young lady in Plttsburg, who wa
approaching "tho middle ages" was i
the habit Of saying, whenever sh
heard Of a widows marriage: "Thert
now, that woman has get one of IN
husbands"
Julius, s'pose dere are six ehicI
ems in a coop and de man sells fre,
how many are dere left p
"What time OBJ day vas it ?"
"Why what de thuEder hab dat t
DO wild de case p
"A good deal, honey. If it whs
arter dark dere would be none lef
dat is, if you happen to come alon
dat way"
One Gsy at Lake George party
gentlegen strolling among the oeaut
tul island on the Lake, with bad lac
espied little fellow with a red shi
and straw hat, dangling line over Il
side of q boat.
"Halloa, boy" said one of then
svhat are you doing?'
"FIssing," came the answer.
"Well, Of course" said the gentl,
zaan, "but what DC you catch?"