Weekly Trinity journal., 1870-11-12
FACT AND FANCY.
The great census taker-Whisky.

There are said to be more Irish born citizens
in New York, according TO the census, than in
Dublin.
In Massachusetts, the band at "horse trots 4"
now concludes the proceedings by playing " Old
Hundred
A calf three months old, that gives IL. pint of
milk daily, is on exhibition at the Du Quoin
county fair, Illinois.
The yield of coal from the Mount Diablo mines
from January lst, to October LIST, of this year,
aggregated 1900 tons.
Dear me how tired am of this mourning"
said fashionable lady to her maid. "Jane,
who is it am in mourning for?'
A vagrant, who had been fined regularly every
week for begging requested the magistrate to
fine him by the year at reduced rate.
A progressive law maker in Georgia has intro
duced bill into the legislature making dis
satisfaction" valid ground for divorve.
Gun cotton be dissolved in camphor, and
an imitation of ivory can be produced from it
which the billiard players pronounce to be supe-
rior.
A Wisconsin farmer gathered four wagon
loads of squashes from eight bills of vines, some
of the squashes weighing hundred pounds
each.
A correspondent of western paper, having
described the Ohio a sickly stream, the editor
appended the remark "That's so it is con-
fined to its bed"
Hearing physician remark that small blow
would break a nose, rustic exclaimed g Well
] dunno about that. I've blowed my nose a
number of times, and never broke it yet"
An Illinois lady waved red flag, stopped the
train and asked the conductor for chew of to-
bacco for her old man. The conductor Horace
Greeeyed all the way to the next station.
Colored ladies at Washington use mucage tc
take the knk out of their hair, and pasting it
down fat to their heads, and, singular enough
white ladies use the same to make theirs kink
'Are you not alarmed at the approach of the
King of Terrors ?" said the minister to "A sick
man. "Oh, no have been living six and thirty
years with the queen Of terrors-the king cannot
be much worse / "
Some one describing ball said it was a vast
assemblage OF people who had never met before,
and who never cared to meet again, and that
they talked little, danced little, eat Il little,
and went home cross and tired out.
One of the amuscments at Long Branch is to
watch New Jersey mosquitoes open clans with
their bills on the shore. Several of these useful
little insects are being domestcated and taught
to punch rivet holes in steam boilers.
"pve been a member of this church nigh on
forty years" said pinched-up libel on Christ
ianity. " and it hasn't cost me six and a-quartel
CENTS" God bless your poor economical
withered up old soul !" said a feryent brother
IN the corner.
new loom was exhibited a few days since in
Providence, and was operated by the inventor
in presepc8 of a large number of manufactures
and business men, which produces cloth of the
best quality at an enormous rate of nearly a
thousand yards day.
Creditor How often must | climb three
pair of stairs before get the amount of this lit
tie account2"
Debtor; "Do you think am going to rent a
pace:.on the first floor to accommodate my cred
itors2"
An eastern editor accuses another of having
stolen his report of a meeting, which was recog-
nized by certain earmarks. The retort courte-
Gus is that the first editor " should tie his ears
over the top of his head while writing, to keep
them out of the ink bottle"
young lady at a western temperance meet
ing, said Brethren and sisters, cider is q
necessity to me and must have it, If it is de-
cded that we are not to drink cider, shall eat
apples and get some young man to squeeze me
for cannot live without the juice of the apple.
In a drug store in Fort Wayne Indiana, they
have a book printed in 1856, called the New
London Dlspensatory." 1t gives the following
ague cure Z" The fat of the crocodile is good
as are also the ashes of the cuckoo. Perhaps
the best is a plaster made out of spiders and
bound to the wrists"
Husband-Ifl were to lose you should never
De Sucn a 1901 as TO marry again.
VYe-If were to lose you | would marry
again directly.
Husband-Then my death would be regretted
bE at least one person.
WVe-By whom?
HuSJand-My successor
An old woman went to circus in Terre
tIaute, Indiana, accompanied by eleven children;
and when a neighbor asked her where her old
man was, she said he at home taking care
of the children. Another neighbor called at the
house and seeing the old man trying to amuse
nine young ones, asked where the old lady was
He said he had let her go to the circus with the
children.
The Western sserOe Chronicle (Ohio) says that
in Nelson Township, Portage county, where
gold-bearing quartz was discovered some months
ago, subsequent investigations have shown that
there are extensive bodies of the quartz, proba-
bly, containing millions Of dollars worth of gold
and silver. The yield is estimated at $40 20
per ton of rock. The discovery was kept quiet
until about 900 acres of land in the Ledge re-
gion had been secured by lease, when a company
was formed to carry mining.
lawyer came into Court drunk, when the
Judge said to him Sir, | am sorry to see
you in this condition which is a disgrace to
yourself and family, the Court, and the profes,
sion to which you belong"
The reproof elected the following colloquy:
@ Did your Honor speak to meW
:" did, sir said that in my opinion, you
disgrace yourself and family, the Court, and the
profession to which you belong, by your cons
duet"
"May lit please your Honor, have been an
attorney in-in-in this Court for fifteen years,
and permit me to say, your honor, that this IS
the arst correct opinion ever knew you to give