South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1870-09-30
WIT AND HUMoR.

Isr Dick pays no compliments to lively
Sail she says she don't expect them from
that quarter you're fishing for Z compli
ment, my girl mo, Dick, indeed-not in
such shallow water
Er Love is an internal transport. So
is q canal boat
s6-'Ah f! Is it possible that you are still
aliveT said fellow on meeting one whom
he had grossly injured. yes, and kick.
ing replied the other, suiting the action to
the word
Ep Equality MEANS says French wri-
ter, "a desire to be equal to your superiors,
and superior to your equals
Eg-A husband in Minnesota advertises
his wife for sale. lie warrants her to be
gentle, afiectionatc, and devoted
A HARD SToRY.-Out on the Pacific
railroad the other day Kickapoo Indian
saw locomotive coming down the track
toward him, at the rate of forty miles an
hour. He thought it was an imported
breed of buffalo, and he was anxious to sc.
cure it so as to take the prize at the annu-
al exhibition of the Kickapoo Agricultural
Society. So he fastened one end of his las
so to his waist-bclt, and when the engine
got near enough he threw the moose nicely
over the smokestack. Perhaps it is not
necessary, but we may as we'll relate that
the locomotive did not stop. The engineer
and fireman witnessed the most successful
attempt to do the flying trapeze made by
any Kickapoo Indian upon the Plains since
the first of last January. There was an a
borginal funeral at the next station when
the engine arrived. The grave was large
for they only buried a small piece of cop
per colored meat tied to string and onclos-
cd in sardine box.
GSs' That was a cheerful Fifteenth A.
mcndment' when he was arrested for steal.
ing half carcass of mutton from a stall
put in as a defence, that since ho became
voter he thought he ought to take sides
somewhere
sss@ a woman as black as the ace oG spades
says she was born to blush unseen
E-g- Young Lady Physicians are multi.
plying rapidly throughout the country, and
consequently the young men are decidedly
more sickly than they used to be-
WESTERN ELoQUENcE-A Toledo pa
per prints the following speech delivered
by member of school board in that sec
ton: Mr.. Cheerman, / rise for to-that
IS TO make q motion, which is as folers ::
Resolved, That there is no need to build
such costiye school housen as some Of this
ere board is proposin' to rect. No. Mr..
Cheorman, I'm posed to spending money
for housen. The old ones are pretty good
yet, and for to so for to build a great slick
house which will cost ten thousand dollars
or more, yet it is all wasted. It's no econ
omy to throw away money we don't need
Taxes cost money, and money has to 90 to
pay taxes, and let us expense with any more
school houscn
ETThe following anccdote is told of
DIR. Cabarrus, the great homeopathic ply
stefan, who has just died in Paris. Mile.
Julia Barron was out of sorts aud sent for
him -
What is the matter p asked the Doctor.
'Oh, hardly know myself she replied
'my spirits are terribly unequal Some
times | am greatly elatcd, and then sudden.
ly sink into the deepest melancholy.'
After n moments reflection Cabarrus
said gravcly:
q am afraid there is but one way to
cure YOU
What is it, she inquired eagerly.
You must get married. he replied with
a'mirthfu twinkIoo of the eye, but still keep
ing grave face
Well said Mile Barron, after a little
hesitation, followed By a long drawn sigh
of relief perhaps you are right Would
you marry me ?
MA chcre,' replied Cabarrus blandIy.
the doctor prescribes, but he doesn't take
his own medicine
Rc-At juvenile party q young gentle
man about six or seven years old kept him.
self aloof from the rest Of the company ~
The lady Of the house called to him, Come
and dance, and play, my dear. Choose one
Of those pretty girls for your wife Not
likely cried the young oynic, no wife for
me do you think / want to be worried on,
Of my life like poor papaY