The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-10-20
!: 4 " E0T4skfEEReesFIH &
How to Make a Thousand Dollars.


My getting the better of my wife's
father is one of the richest things on
record. I'll tell you how it was
You must know thatthe is monstrous
stipgyuyThe complaint seems to run
in the family, and everybody round
our parts used to notice that he new
er by any chance asked anybody to
dine with him, SoIone day, jist for a
chunk of fun, said to a friend of
mime, iJeddy, I'll bet you a penn'or
of shoe-strings ginst a row of pins,
that I get old Ben Merkins, that's my
wife's father, to ask me to dinner"
"Yeou get OUT said Jeddy; "why
yeou1night as well try to coax cat
into showerbath, or get moon-beams
eout of cowcumbers."
Well" said /, /" I'M going to try.1
And try did, aadofal tell you how
l went;te work. just as old Ben was
sitfin' down to dinner, at high
pressure pace, red-hot in the face,
with my coat-tails in the air. my eyes
3Fallips about like billiard balls in con-
vulsions. MISUNDERSTANDING
aling.s Kicked up an awful rumpus,
and in flash out came old Ben him.
self. I had struck the right. mint.
she had a. napK6 under his chin, and
carving knife in his hand, smelt the
dinner as he opened the door.
90, MI. Merkins," said 1, "Pm
tarnation glad to see you. 1 feared
you mought' be at home-Tm almost
6n hhkdof breath. YPm lsbnsito tell
you l can save you thousand dol
lars"
" A thousand. ldellars,n foared the
old man; and 7 defy p weasel to go
"pop" quicker than his face burst in
to smiless1soA4 fH6usaH4 dollars
Yeou don't SAY sol DaEtelt!"
"Oh said /, see you are just
havin' dinner meow, I'll. go, un dine
myself aahd then W,Hleohe Shack and
tell you all about it."
Nonsense" said he, "don't 90
away come in and set doMn.aud enjoy
yourself, like good fellow, and have
asnack with me. 1 am anxious to
hear what you have to say. .1enoie
I Ipretendsar TO Ideeliael.sayin' I'd
come back but I'd thoroughly
Stirred up Tie old chaps curiosity,
and 1t ended by his fairly pullin' me
inteAthadsouseJ andr1o made aarattlin'
dinner of pork and beans.
I managed for some time to dodge
q the AH55ssi A55ssihq4soint s his inquiry s.a. AT
last l finished eating, and there was
san0 0farther ezcuselfory delay 20 besides
old Ben was getting fidgety.
al g Come, neow," said he, "no more
preface. About that thousand dol.
= lars; come, fetit out"
IooWen, III 4ltslI you what,Y said L
"you have darter, Misery Ann, to
dispose Of id marriage, have You not,
What's that got to do with it?>
interrupted, healB boifh ge# von al !,
acHpid ~yoa0 proud Tsteeds+donr
sun on the track-a great deal to dc
With Said Meow al answer s1gie 3 m,
sqaestionNs1 sSOoD Ws0 Via
saes,1ss Well, said he, 81 haTe.n % sa-p
"And you iutend, when she mar
,afiSSsI1$ ,afiSsI )ese Der saesa HF(a por
.I'dotss'iii I'dots, iies' s'isai said. ldi:os : sz@o
Well, meow, there's the pint I'm
comin' tew. Let Inc have heifss and II
take her with $4,000; and SIS, 900 from
$4,000, accordiniatoesimple subtrac
ton, just leaves S1,006 and that will
be clean profftMasaSed as slick as
>, rSAJBttA
Wnistle. 90 ,.oA
The next thing ! knew there was
rapid Interview going on betweene OLD
-. eBen,s foot aud my coat tails-and
inclined to think the latter cot th,
q assMorsbDflitqHo1a sI,1Gy o0Os 1syAf
iaua a ts bloe I'D HIaf bag .ss29iP bns -