Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-01-28
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.


"A PRETTY KETTLE OF FIsH-Boiled
salmon. & e@ ~ sTsaJ 3 n
To PERSONS IN DIFFIoULTY-Get out
A Color DIFFICULT TO SEE-Blind-
mans buff.
VERY FAST MEN-Those who beat their
wives.
ADEAp REcKoNING-Ca Calculating ones
funeral expenses 5i3sga 2. rises ..,'''
ALL the profits of the Washington are
divided with the policy. holders. .aa
FASHIONABLE young ladies, like letters,
require stamps, or the males reject them.
THE PRAYER OF THE OFFICE-SEEKER-
" Oh, that were an event, that l might
take place"
AN old trapper of Arizona, who has
just scalped his fifteenth Indian, says Ii
is good Staying out here this season"
A YOUNG lady being recommended ex-
ercise for her health, said she would Jump
at an offer and run the risk.
A LITTLE girl who was sent out to hunt
eggs thought it strange she did not ma
any, as there were several hens stand
ing around, doing nothing" ~ g
"WHAT death would you preferto die?'
said one person to another. u don't
exactly know; should like to try seven
or eight before deciding the point" a,s
THE wretch who can stand in a pair OF
slippers worked for him by his wife, and
scold her, is brute, who deserves to have
the govt in both feet. ae2sa2 % y f.a ''''
A GENTLEMAN remarked the other day
with great gravity, that the weather mad
taken cold When asked why, he said,
at Hosos it snoaos so much"
SAID an ambitious youth one day to a
lady "Don't you think I'd better dye
my mustache?" caressing the infant prod
ICY. II think if you let it alone it'll dye
ITSELF" said the lady. a'2
PROUD AND HAPPY
"Surrounded by Ladies-bow proud you must be p
Cried the Queen of the group, with face full OF
- fun.
"Why-yes,n said the poet" but happier he
Who Choosing the la.s) were surrounded by onel''
SINCE manhood reached me / have
kept on my life perpetual insurance;
and | think my duty to those dependent
upon me would be undischarged if it were
not so-BIsHoP HAWKS. Think of what
the Bishop says, and insure in the Wash
ington Life. a #.4
A LITTLE three year old girl in New
Orleans recently astonished her mother
who attempted to correct her-by motion
ing her away with chubby little hand
and scornfully saying "Shoo, fly, don't
bodder mel" ~'-s.t
"BoYs," asked the teacher of an in
FAINT Sunday school class, "did you ever
see an elephants skin ?'' Yes, sir, did,"
piped little fellow away down at the
foot "Did you, Robert? Where was it?''
son an elephant, sir"
OF all the declarations of love, the
most admirable one was that which a
young gentleman made to a young lady
who asked him to show her the picture OF
the one he loved, when he Immediately
presented her mirror tra
| "A WIT, being told that an old acquaint-
ance was married, exclaimed, g am glad
oft" But rejecting a moment, he added,
in tone of compassion and forgiveness,
"and yet | don't know why / should be,
be never did me any harm"
PUNCH illustrates plump youngster
applying for the place of page, to whom
the mistress says: 81 wish my servants
to have plenty, but 1 don't allow any
waste" Page" no, num- which
I'd eat and drink till I busted, mum, rather
IMAM waste anything, mum.
IT is now usual to add to fire insur-
ance policies the following clause: Z" Per
mission given to keep and sell kerosene
oil, to be drawn by daylight only" An
agent in Portland recently embarrassed a
customer by granting permission as above
ITO keep and use kerosene oil by.daylight
only" -------.-.------.. ..,--
Two little girls were heard one morn
ing engaged in dispute as to what theil
mothers could do" The dispute was
ended by the youngest child saying
well, there's one thing my mother car
do that yours can't-my mother can take
every one of her teeth out at once"
SCENE IN CHIoA ao.-Mr. Jones: "Why
Amelia, who-who is this gentleman ?
Mrs. -: "My husband, STRIP Mr.
Jones; Are you mad, Amelia ? I'm
your husband" Mrs. -: "You were
sir, yesterday but procured divorce
and married Mr.. Smythe this morning
This is my house, sirl"
A NEW physiological discovery hal
been made by young man-namely, tina
the pulse of young ladies generally beat
stronger in the palm of the hand than a
the wrist. As to more elderly females
even little boys know by stern experience
that the palm Of the maternal hand beat
awful strong.-Erchaage.
ONE of Mark Twain's farmers bough
some Bartlett pear trees, and the mex
season he took some of the fruit to tn,
tree dealer. "What kind of pears do 70,
call these ?" -"Well, dont't know; But
ton pears, perhaps" But, they grew
on one of the trees you sold me for Bart
lett !" care you such a TOOL" was tn,
dealers convincing rejoinder, cas- to sup
pose that tree is going to bear Bartlett
pears the first year," ...s... .s.
THE latest thing out in the way of
novelty is sort Of tube, all the way
from Paris, woven out of strips of palm
leaf The uninitiated is requested by a
friend to insert the forefnger of each hanC
into the ends of the tube and see if h,
can make the ends of the fingers meet
| In doing this the tube is compressed, anC
on attempting to withdraw the fingers the
ends of the toy are drawn so tightly
around them as to render their extraction
| by main strength almost an impossibility
| The harder the victim pullsth tighter is b,
manacled. Considerable patience and in
genuity are requisite for one to liberat'
| himself from this trap, when once caught
1t is called by some the Sensation Finger
Tube.