Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1870-04-13
EXPERIENCES IN EUROPE.

John r. Johnson, the artist, who has
recently returned from trip across
the water, was not remarkably i'm
pressed by the antiquities of the old
world. In fact, he is inclined to be.
lieve that there is a good deal of hum
bug about them. We will let him sum
up Europe:
Went 10 Alexandria - crossed q
portion OF the Great Desert on cam
els back-easier for rich man TO go
through the eye of needle than TO
paint portraits-desert no great shakes
got better dessert at an American
hotel dinner-throw sand in your eyes
on the desert-makc you think it a
big thing.
"Went to Damascus-bought a Da-
maseus bls1o-humbug-made in Ak
ron, Ohio. Went TO Jerusalem-hired
nguide for bis board-a regular guide
board-never was so much bored in
my life-Jerusalem full of secondhand
clothing stores-bought fragment Of
Solomon's Temple-enough fragments
sold every year to build Cincinnati
Visited the Nile-humbug-no water
privilege worth a dam-don't wonder
no one knows the source of the Nile
greatest wonder that any one cares
where it is-Licking River beats the
Nile. Saw the mummies-made in
London, every one of them, by Mas
sachusetts Yankee, and sent 10 Egypt
"Lookcd at the Pyramids. Recol
lected that Napoleon said to his sol
diers-'From the tops of yonder Pyra
mids forty centuries are looking down
upon you No such thing went
there and inquired-forty centuries
hadn't been there at all. Went to
1taly-bought monkey and hand
organ, and learned to speak Italian in
two hours. Monkey died and hand
organ exploded-havc not been able
TO speak Italian since.
"Saw Garibaldi at Naples. lie wept
bitterly upon my shoulder-borrowed
a half dollar, and said he wanted &c
come to America and be second old
George Washington. He is coming tC
Cincinnati next sum mer to open {
lager beer saloon, as a headquarteri
for distinguished organ grinders.
bought a place at Vienna, and am t
pay for in Confederate scrip. Cross
ed over the Bridge of Sighs-no siz,
at all-saw where the Doge of Venic,
married the Adriatic. There was
Mormon there awhile ago. He mo-
vury uIarrrvvs tuv nurtuuc, uuJ all TN
streams in the neighborhood. Saw
where Canova's heart was buried
When Canova died his body was Gu
up and buried all over Europe. AL
the big cities wanted a piece Of him
They do 1t different now. Ifan artis
gets big reputation, like myself fo
instance, they cut him up in The news
papers. Saw the ruins of Greece, (de
preciated oil stock Mostly. Saw th,
old masters-villainous daubs. Ont
of those old masters couldn't get ,
situation as house painter if he wer,
alive today.
"Went to Rome-dined by Buchanan
Reed and Randolph Rogers. lnquireC
for Julius Cesar, but he was not il
that day; gone turkey shooting OF
the Isle of Crete.-don't 90 much OF
the lie. Saw Herculaneum-all hum
bug-the ashes that buried it didn
come from Vesuvius-drawn on il
carts. All a speculation to sell relics
Saw the Hellespont-waded across it
Leander drowned himself on purpose
just to make hero of himself Wen
and looked at the Rhine-muddy litll,
dike-castles all look like stone smok,
houses went across rather q
Hacross the canal" Saw eruption o
Mount Vesuvius-country fireworks
on the Fourth of July beat it any time
Tell you Europe is humbug."