The States and Union. [volume] (Ashland, Ohio) 1868-1872, 1870-08-31

NJ 0oIL Lake 10 DC.
It is said that the New York Trl
bvse il having Greeley's old editoria
manuscripts engraved as maps Of tn
seat Of war.
We call q man who is not married
ut all, a single man but we call Brig
ham Young. who is married q grea
deal, q singular man.
The most direct way to determine
horse power is to stand behind a hors,
and tickle his legs with a brier.
A Schenectady Justice of the Peac.
decades that a "verbal contract is moi
good without q stamp"
A Providence undertaken has
/. pleasant habit of sending his card to
all the sick persons he can hear of.
Why is John Bigger's boy larger
than his father {? Because he is a lit.
tie Bigger
A Montana paper says: 1.-THE Lore
be praised Twenty bushels ofwheat
70 the acre, and Ashley routed"
Two certificates of death in the San
Francisco Coroner's office reads:-
"Ded from rapture of the head" and
"Suffsrcated from eating poison
This is capital ale,' said an old
topper /; ''see how long it keeps its
headi" "Aye," said a bystander,
''but consider how soon it takes away
yours"
A Providence policeman asked a
drunken Etbiop whom he could scar
cely see in the dim light of a station
house cell-"Are you colored ?"-
"Colored, no, dis yer chile was born
So"
New Hampshire takes the premi-
um for early marriages. The census
there shows that a lady aged thirty
has q son twenty-eight years old.
The newspapers say that General
Grant has been receiving at Long
Branch. But he has been receiving
ever since he WIS a candidate for the
Presidency, 30 that is no novelty.
EAigirl hearing the lady ofthe house
Q tsdinner, asked her husband to bring
'Dombey and Son" with him when he
came home to tea, had two extra
plates on the supper table.
A gentle widow, in Martin county,
Indiana, piously watches over the
graves of six husbands and patiently
prays for the seventh.
The advice of a Pennsylvania sui
eide to his brother was willie,
don't 20 with the fellows who have
more money to spend than you
have"
A personal sketch of a western SEN
ator closes as follows: "He can not
propel himself through the muddy
pool of politics at a higher rate of
speed than that of a rudderless polly
wog through a kettle of cold mush."
! Ata spiritual circle a gentleman
requested the medium to ask what
kind of amusements wa the most pop
ular in the spiritual world. The re-
ply was, Reading our own obituary
notices."
The marriage of Isaac Strawberry
and Martha Summers, both of Putnam
county. Ind, is suggestive Of warmth
and sweetness. Strawberries and
cream for two. .
LA nervous Ohio housekeeper was
walked up the other night by an alarm
Of burglars, got out his gun, fred from
the window and ruined a pair of his
best trousers that were Tapping on a
clothes line.
Mr.. Sbafer, of Prairie Rondn, says
he got up a scare-crow last year, which
not only drove all the crows put of
the township, but Sd affected one old
crow thathe came back and threw up
all the corn that he had eaten that
morning.
"WelI," said Douglas Jerrold to
the collector of a fund in behalf of a
suffering friend, chow much does
want this time," "Why, just four
and two naughts will, / think, put him
straight" the bearer of the hat re-
plied. well" said Jerrold, "put
me downfor n of the naughts."
Compositions in the New York Ift
bspps Office are fined ten cents for each
-profane word uttered on the premises,
the money so gathered being given to
the poor. One unfortunate chap. n
new hand, lost nearly a weeks wages
. one night, over a biz of Greeley's man.
nscrIPt. .s-t
A gesstleman in New Orleans was
agreea6ly surprised the other day to
end apklmp turkey served up for,
dinner, and en9uired of his servant
how It was obtamed. "Why, sir"
replied Sambo, dat turkey has been
rooetipg on our fence tree nights, SO
dis morning I seize him for de rent
lob de fence"
d,3A certain man declared q fw days
ago, that he had found the perpetual
motion, and said he would apply I'M