Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1870-05-26

Doubtful compliment. Mrs. Biceps
Ito her second husband, physician)-"C
John what a reputation you have fol
lung diseases If l had only known you
before my first husband died, should
have had him yet" ....
AT donation to minister at Dun
cannon, Pa, one of the brethren, to bt
economical, left bag of sawdust, labelled
'Indian meal" and the minister didn't see
the joke until a quantity of it was made
into Johnny cake"
"A Dutchman happening to meet 6
friend whom he thought was in Califor.
mia, the following conversation ensued
"Vy halo, ven did you got here ? | bought
you vas ond in dot Golden Shdade." Nc
I'm here in dot New York Shdade.' Did
you come der Bacifc Roude der Blains
offer? No sAh! see-you come del
Horn arount p Mo- 'Oh no, now
know-you didn't vas here yed.'
On tombstone in Germany there is
painted red OK, with tail elevated and
head sunk, evidently on the point of run.
ming his horns into chalk-white indivi'
dual who is pressed up against a rock
Below the picture is this inscription
By the thrust of ox's horn
Came into heavens bourne;
All so quickly did l die,
Wife and children leave must /
But in eternity rest now,
All through thee, thou wild beast, thou !
"A teacher, catechising his scholars,
put the following question, "What was
made to give light to the world p
Matches" cried one of the youngsters
after a short pause.
That envy is most malignant which
is most like Gains, who envied his brother
when there was nobody but God to look
on.
---"Pompey," said good-natured gen.
tleman to his colored man, 81 did not
know until to-day that you had been
whipped last week. Didn't you, massa p
replied Pompey, az knowed it at the
time"
"A gent out West was invited to take
a game at poker, but refused, saying
"No, thankee: / played poker all one
Summer and had to wear nankeen pant:
all next Winter; have had no taste fol
that amusement since"
-"Where was 1 ma" said little ur.
chin to his mother, as he stood gazing at
his drunken and PROSTATE father, "where
was | when you married pa? Why did
not you take me along with you?
could have picked out better man than
he is"
Some Michigan Spiritualists called
for the devil at recent seance, but when
he appeared, six feet high, clothed in
black to the ends of his fingers, which
we.a armed with cruel claws" they clear.
ed the room, ana VIII raise the iovilD M
more.
The father of Dorabella recently
found that little girls chubby little hands
full of the blossoms of beautiful tea
rose on which he had bestowed great care
"My DEAR" he said, didn't tell you not
to pick one of those flowers without
leave ?" Eyes, papa" said Dora, "but all
these had leaves"
Among the packages bid off at an
auction sale of express packages in Hart.
ford, last week, was lot of love letters
written by young lady who, after hav.
ing married, requested her old lover to
return them. The purchaser is heartless.
ly giving series of readings from them
at his clearinghouse.
The Buffalo Commercial .Adcertise
says that the Gkening of Ben Butler to q
bald-headed eagle is the most natural COM
parison we have seen yet, and that his
profile suggests the idea at glance. Our
contemporary is exactly right, for in every
question where he can not introduce his
bill he is pretty sure to insert his clause
(claws.)
Somebody has revived this anecdote
about John Phoenix: He once hailed a
German who was driving bakers wagon
on Montgomery street, San Francisco,
with, " Hullo I'll take one" Swat you
takes Z" said the Teuton, pulling up. ga
baked eagle" said Phoenix, pointing to
the sign eagle Bakery" painted on the
wagon.
This is the last joke about I" little
Rhody IA person travelling from
Taunton to Hartford, the other day, over
the Fishkill road, hearing the conductor
sing out {" Willimantic," asked in surprise
-" Mr.. Conductor, have you called ont
the names of all the stations we've pass
ed " Yes, SIR" was the reply. :" Well
them" reioined the traveller, /" must have
been asleep, I didn't hear you call Rhode
Island"
AS the members of our Legislature,
who visited our city yesterday, passed
slowly in their carriages through one OF
our thoroughfares, an old lady, attracted
by their solemn and dignifed appearance,
stepped into store and asked, "Whose
funeral is that, ?" The storekeeper re-
piled 8. Why, that's the Legislature. y
"Du tell" said the old lady, When did
he die ?" The questioner did not know
that the Legislature is body that never
expires.-Nea0 Bedford Mercury.
There is said to be recent occur
renee in Berkshire village. Three wild
ows live together, and are especially cared
for by the fathers of the town, two of
whom make frequent visits Official, of
course) to the habitation of these ladies.
One night recently some cruel ones took
the sign Selectmen's Office from its
proper place, and securely fastened it to
the dwelling of the lone widows, where it
was the beheld of all beholders for many
hours next day. The transaction has
caused much loud smiling thereabouts.
"A Comanche Indian, few days ago,
brought his squaw to a pioneer artist to
have her picture taken. The artist got the
squaw in position, when the old Conan
che thought he would investigate the
mystery Of making squaw's pictures. He
accordingly raised the cloth and looked
into the camera, when he was astonished
to see his wife standing on her head. At
this he grew indignant, and even beat her
for assuming such an undignifed attitude
before the soldiers, but as she stoutly de-
MED the offence, he continued his expert
ments, and al last came to the conclusion
that machine that could stand squaw
on her head in half second, without her