The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-07-09
WIT AND WISDOM.

A YOUNG lady who was rebuked BY her
mother for kissing her intended, justified the
act by quoting the passage: Whatsoever
ye would that men should do unto you, DO
even SO to them"
II is said that the reason there are 50
many mutton heads in existence Is to Be
found in the fact that sacb q number Of
childen are perfect little lambs"
BENJAhIE FRANKLIN, being in company
once with aree men rAo were notorious Il
ars, and wanting to experiment little in
human nature, promised TO reward the one
who should tell him the greatest lie The
irst said that be never bad told lie The
third candidate, however, proved himself the
best adept in the art. and obtained the prize,
for be assured the philosopher that both his
competitors bad just told him the truth.
AT one Of Peter Cartwright's camp meet
ings be was much annoyed BY . noisy sister
who "took part" more frequently than was
acceptable. He had called on al to kneel
while some one should lead in prayers. She
struck OF at once with much feeling and
power. Cartwright not recognising her voice
shouting out "Amen !" "A brother kneelinR
by. whispered "It's Ann Jordan praying"
Cartwright, looking round and seeing that
it was 50, cried out: / take that Amen
back
JOHN BosToN was arraigned in New
Orleans for stealing chickens. but stOutly
protested his innocence. "And you deny
having taken the chickens?' asked che court
Hi, boss, sartin. I never k'em.n "But
the officer says be found them in your hands
when arrested" "Yes, boss, but didn't
stole EN- 'How did you come by them ~
IL borrowed 'em.'' The owner says not"
"Wen, you see, boss, he was asleep when /
went to borrow dem chickens, AMI didu't
like to 'sturb him so | jis tux 'sm an'was
gwine back the next day to tell him"
LAZY fob standing by b.. hers work
bench, while the latter wac Sharpening his
chisel, said
John, why do you work for a living 7
A fellow With your talents should not de-
grade himself with manual labor. i mean
to get my living BY my wits"
"Well, Frank, you can work with duller
tools than | can"
"FIRsT class in spelling stand up John
spell weather"
"W-e-a-to-u.th-a-i-o-u-r."
"Well, John, you can sit down that il
the IOOrst spell Of weather We have bad for q
long time"
An ALLEGoRY.-The old man was toiling
through the burden and beat Of the day, in
cultivating bin field with his own hands. and
I dspoSitiDg the promised BeUd iu ths- hWicfdi
lap Of yielding earth. Suddenly there stood
before him. under tho shade Of q huge lin
den tree, q vision. The old man was struck
with amazement
g am Solomon spoke the phantom. in
friendly voice. What are you doing
here, old man n
''If you are Solomon" replied the vener-
able labOrer," bow can you ask this In
my youth you sent me to the ant ! saw
its occupation, and learned from that insect
to DO industrious and to gather. What l
then learned | have followed out to this
hour"
''You have only learned half your lesson"
replied the spirit. $50 again to the ant and
learn to rest in the winter Of your life, and to
enjoy what you have gathered up"
HIS AurHoRIrY.-Smart lawyers some
times get hold of a witness who turns the
laugh on them. We have rarely seen neat
er "nOn SegHitsr" than thus:
Il call upon you" said the counselor, ''tO
state distinctly upon what authority you are
prepared to swear to the mares age?"
upon what authority p said the hOstler,
interrogatively.
"YOu are to reply, and not repeat the
question put to you"
81 doesn't consider a mans bound to an
swer question afore he's time TO turn il in
bis mind"
Nothing can be more simple, sir, then
the question put. again repeat it. Upon
what authority do you swear to the animals
age ~
"The best authority" responded be,
grufiy.
Then why such evasion Why not state
it at once ~
.'Well, then, if you must have il"
"Must / will have it n vOiceferAted the
counsellor, interrupting the witness.
"Well, then, if you must and will have
it." reioined the hostler, with imPerturba-
bic gravity" why, then, had it myself from
the mares own mouth"
"A simultaneous burst Of laughter rang
through the the court The Judge On The
bench could with difficulty cOn6ne Bis risible
muscles to judicial decOrum.
HOUsEKEEPER.