The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1870-11-03
A SENSIBLE CORPSE.
A "Reminiscences of the Back Settlements


Now that corpse (said,the undertaken,
patting the folded hands of deceased ap- |
provinglyl was brick-every way you
took him he was q brick. He was so |
real accommodating, and so modest-like |
and simple in his last moments. Friends
wanted metallic burial case-nothing
else would do. I couldn't get it. There
warn't going to be time-anybody could
see that. Corpse said never mind, shake
him up some kind of q box he could
stretch out in comfortably, he warn't
particular bout the general style of it.
Said he went more on room than style,
anyway, in lastfinal container. Friends
wanted silver door-plate on the coffin,
signifying who he was and wher' he was
from. Now you know fellow couldn't
roust out such gaily thing as that in a
little country town like this. What did
corpse say? Corpse said, whitewash his
old canoe and dob his address and gen.
eral destination onto it with blacking
brush and stencil plate, long with a
verse from some likely hymn or other,
and pint him for the tomb, and mark
him COD, and just let him skip along.
He warn't distressed any more than you
be--on the contrary just as carm and
collected as a hearse-horse; said he
judged that ~wher' he was going to,
body would find it considerable better
to attract attention by a picturesque
moral character than a natty burial case
with a swell door-plate on it. Splendid
man, he was. I'd druther do for corpse
like that n any I've tackled in seven
year. There's some satisfaction in bury
in man like that. You feel that what
you're. doing is appreciated. Lord bless
you, SOS he got planted before he spilled,
he was perfectly satisfied; said his rela-
tions meant well, perfectly well, but all
them preparations was bound to delay
the thing more or less, and he didn't
wish to be kept layin' round. You
never see such clear head as what he
had-and so carm and so cool. just a
hank of brains-that is what he was.
Perfectly awful. 1t was ripping dis
tance from one end of that mans head
to t'other. Often and over again he's
had brain fever a-raging in one place,
and the rest of the pile didn't know any
thing about it--didn't affect it any more
than Injun insurrection in Arizona at
fects the Atlantic States. Well, the re-
lations they wanted big funeral, but
corpse said he was down on hummery-
didn't want any procession-fil the
hearse full of mourners and get out a
stern line and tow him behind. He aoaS
the most down ON style of any remains
ever struck. A beautiful, simple-mind-
ed creature-it was what he was, you can
depend upon that. He was just set on
having things the way he wanted them
and he took solid comfort in laying his
little plans. He had me measure him
and take whole raft of directions; then
he had the minister stand up behind g
long box with table-cloth over it and
read his funeral sermon, saying "Ang.
core, angcore at the good places and
making him scratch out every bit o.
brag about him, and all the hifalutin
and then he made them trot out the
tunes for the occasion, and he got then
to sing Pop Goes the Weasel" becaus'
he'd always liked that tune when h,
made him sad; and when they sung tina
with tears in their eyes because they al
loved him. and his relations grievinl
around, he just laid there as happy as
bug, and trying to beat time and show
J ing all over how much he enjoyed it
and presently he got worked up and ex
cited, and tried to join in, for mind yo1
, he was pretty proud of his abilities il
,, the singing line; but the first time h
opened his mouth and was just going t
:, spread himself, his breath took wall
! 1 never see a man snuffed out SO sudder
All, it was great loss-it was power
. full loss to this poor little one-hors
town. Well, well, well, I haint &c
time to De palavering along here-got
t nail on the lid and moseY along wit
}. him, and if you'll just give me lii
s well skeet him into the hearse an
f meander along. Relations bound t
8 have it so-don't pay no attention
J, dying injunctions, minute corpse gone
y but if had my way, if / didn't respet
s his last wishes and tow him behind til
9 hearse, IU be cuss'd. l consider ths
|, whatever a corpse wants done for b
a comfort is little enough matter, and
: man hain't got no right to deceive hil
= or take advantage of him-and whatev'
}, corpse trusts to me to do I'm a-goin
o to do, you know, even if it's to stuff hi
and paint him yaller and keep him for
keepsake-you hear me-! ..
h He cracked his whip and went lumbe
a ing away with his ancient ruin of
10 hearse, and continued my walk wit
~ ~ valuable lesson learned--that health
% and wholesome cheerfulness is not nece
y sarily impossible to any occupation. I'll
aS lesson is likely to be lasting, for it wi
- take many months to obliterate Il
memory of the remarks and circumstal
% ces that impressed it." Mark 1ioain
- in NoUember GALAXY.
20
A few NIGHTS sinca q Mrs Curtis