, 1870-05-08
TIT-BITS

Ode to nE wzeherwoman-So5Q
II -Gfocers should remember that hunest Ia
is the best policy
-Spr5gepu defines = gentleman u TEN
who can scrvo his God, and at the same I'm
paddle his own canoe
The ren,oEseIees wits Of Paris ca,,a Nj,
lynch. tie good h'snd OF the lste P:esiaan
of Paragu2y, an lnia.LopN
? In view OF the 5endishness Of the Graz
brigands, it is thought th.t the people q
that country well deserve to bo termed Holl
:. enic.
Iowa Is considered iustdab1c Siou1-iila.
-A1phonee KAT defines iyspepsia Is III,
T remoree Of a guilty stomach
, -AyounE Lady ooce married man by I'll,
: : name Of Duet sga:nst the w1h Of herpsrnats
After : short time they lyed unhspply to
| but ha refused to retseive her, say;ns. uDu,
tho1 AIT, md unto Dust thou shaIf return
And she got up ard busted"
--Eo!iteness almost invariably reoninas ,
, gentisman TO ag1ee With = lady; but when she
speaks OF the great beauty of souue otfer 1s{
it ia always safe for the gentleman to saw thers
are other styles Of female loyelness ihst be
! I nCmires much more @'@> AZ
The Rev. Henry Ward Deeoher 1.tc1y Sent
the following note to the propriesor OF the
New York Ledger: 1
."Mr DaAR Mr. BONNER: Ehaya lust rece,vp.1 j.
curious letter from Michigan, and etye II to yoT r.
tkTbdtlm:- ~ Jul
..owosso CITY, Mich. 1s;u.
| "1APR1L FOOL
| ~ have heard ct men who wrote letters ,nn,,
forgot to sign tasir name+ but never before met
xIe Il Thtse he isi;s1 signed hts n's ~
AT recent church meeting in New ALBANY
3 man arose to give his experience, and, being
somewhat embarrassed, conmenced bv saving
II feel feeHI feel, !" and here broke down
completely: Every face Was tuEnedtoward thu
! At.
ss1ike morning star," 'sshoo d., don't boda,,
der NO" .'laases on dis nigger'a head" etc.
BY this fne the speakers mouth vent or
and the audience resunedits devotional fr,luo
| OF mind
The Danbury (Conn.) Ne1cs h.s way OF
saying -thingB that CEN not be particularly
agreeable to al EeaaeEs- It Says: asunday
being 4 balmy day, the styles were brought
ont The most richly dressed lady We saw Is
the wife Of man wno has owed this Office al3
| 1oE three years. He says he cannot ra,se tho
money, and We believe him.
E--Notto for unsuccessful aoquet players
! Hoops deferred makes the heart sick"
- Oh, Emma, don't l7ugh SO haId :" said
httle Boston gi5i Of five years, you'll break :
Easter observation-disclosures: "What do
yo9 viah for now, Miss BEJdesa" ?" Miss B..
"a g1eat criminal hwyer-A man ike Speu-,
cer, who convicts himself
4 Frenchman having frequently heard the
word p5fss made use of to imply per,untie. .s
"press that gentleman to take sotne refreah-
ments," "press him to stsy to-night," " thourbk(
he would show his talents by using q synnny-t
mous term, and, therefore, made no sczup1a;
one evening to cry ont IN company, "Pfayi
squeeze that lady to sing"
Madame Oiympe Audouard was aaked. tho
other day, why abe expressed such ultra Be-!
publican sentiments IN her public speeches.;
q Ny God, )" ehe replied, tsH we alvaJa chow
thst we sIe such good Reds, people viii pe1hape>
cease calling US B{ueatocGngs.s
Two Germans once got into disputa
about the English language, each one con-
tending that he could Command it tho best:
They made bet at length, and appointed =
Judge to decide between them, and according
dI LII 9sSan Ysa caon said ss.u ths daF
7ash,' eaid John. Wasn't that judge in =
Tho other day Moleculs propounded the
following to Atom: IA boy said to = gentle
nan, s1 sa ny lat iatheE and mothss have daughter
,1plain that z" Atom reflected, but all in vain
70 his every suggestion MoIecule replied by :
Md but decided negative. At length Atom
YES forced to give it up "Why, its simple
's nGnsh tha sa!a bo9 NG1sin1 SsS with an s1asperag
Il lady who pridsd herself on her geogr.-
by, seeing candle aslaut, remarked that it
enindel her Of the ''Leaning Tower Of
isa." II Yes" responded wag, with this
i1erenee: Mat is : tower in Italy, while his
-s'Why Is the straw before the housee
,ope madame is not NJ s4No. M, rsenaiessr.
II -. k7a r IA Tie 1sss three days Indeed
he has lost two OF her fnvonts cs1riago
,orses, and cannot bear to hear the sound Of
What is the difference between falling
tar and fog? One is missed in heaven and
nj n T1Ia af rTrn naF$F
"a servant girl, who had !ust been adnon-
he'd BY her mistress to be very careful in
washing up" the best tea-shings, WIS over
card shortly aftarvard, in the back Kitchen.
asf ssf e IN nanr tas tbs sSb9a1 Ths
drop this ere basin, and WAS to catch it, I
pose shouldn't catch it; but i'll WIS to
op i, and wasn't to catch il, I reckon Iahould
"a simple but ingenious enigma for the
'ung people is the following:
My third and fourth are.h
The answer to which Is, like Columbus egg
oblem, very easy when oae has learned uhss
The way IL which the South Sea Ia1andat
tiefed . case Of conscience, iB this The
Isaionary had rebuked him for the sin OF po-
samy, and be waa very much grieyed After
iayor two he returned, his face radiant
3 good Christian-5 iwhat did yor ) Il ID
Il the other n aaked the missionary. "Mc
t her up."
Tho first mention mada Of modern money
in the Bible-There it speaks Of the lore
We know D minister who was genrauy
le to keep his congregation Hide-awabe, but
10, On one occaaion-it was su1tty s1u1msr
J-observed numbers Of them Aslep. He
solved to nip the c7l practice IN he bud
} taking 4. good survey Of the scene befmu
ID around him, he exclaimed, tI saw an
Ive1tisement last week for five hundred
sepe1s for railroad think I could supply
At least ffty, and recommend them NJ good
d sound" 1t ia perhaps needless to su
ut the supply Instantly vanished. ~,
"A two foot Fu1e-Keep your feet OF tie
shions-
-Ihe E1-elector Of Hesae has . good msny
'ging birds in his PARK, and they ara csre-
" fed several times day; Having noticed,
instituted privately n inquiry, and found
1t the head gardener, Saul Durlach,
luiEed the habit of catch
, them and keeping them in eases IN biz
N e gentle hint that this thing had 10 bt
pped, and SO meeting him the aama dsyn
} garden, the Elector said to him: a6aul
5ou know what that bird over there is sing
just noTs" 10, your Excellency," saie
: astonished gardener. at sings, Saul
j, why persecutest thou ma ?" No mort
ds we're caught after this
.An = Amusing story is told Of a hackman
Newport, R La Jealous Methodist, BY thf
WHO last year donned the Quaker coat
bEoadbrin, and meeting the drab-coloEe6
! .t1sa 1ss. at The depot, nse5ly a; asked, WI
'ther, AZ he expected, they hlled up biz
licle Immediately, when, to the amusement
the bystandars, he drawled out, *Wbere'e
us bagEage2" It is needless to say that
trick was seen through by the occupants,
1T hi 1T II ID sS Sa d. 1Pa Sa ct ,hs ianss aa
y they found him out.
-Last week, in Little Rhody, two children
cred an Office to sell CONC sGssufrus bark
ereupon an energetic guardian OF tho Law
sstioned them very closely concerning their
nse. The children were somewhAt fright
d. and, not exactly conPrehendng the
'ject, the bog answered, I've got dogs
he's licensed" The Case was Immediately
ided By q gentleman present, who ralisysst
minds Of the children by saying: sd
ag you're III right; il you've got d9g9
much bark rs you like .s =
6ent, England, ona OF those good-nstuEed
1adies Who hsva y crest scurn q detsa
believe On ~ oce,sion' ,;ao I. q 0e ena e. s tSs
;a7;s,f ta,.n.rt;es % which the village Isl
sect she Tas entertaining the company
+ m account of most astonishing hog r
ch her fatber Esd fAttened to the beg. enormous
snt at - as1nrise p vent round the room, during
(. - w. ~ Er1aband suggested, " Oh no, mY
: ~ i - 7ss six hundred pounds" t.Why,
! !1nish.." said she in disgust, the zhnd
i 1irs. H." e1clsimed Gttle urchiu, on ~
ing into . neighbops house, ssmothex
ed me to SAX. would ye please kzrd 'erS
sodin mculds7" The moulds we're giveHl@