The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-07-24

s@s5sv AAoN MO H04A1 % NO mower,
What burns to keep secretf Sealing
Z wax, to be suro.
The way for people to win golden opin-
I ions y to haze plenty of brass.
We know Q policeman SO vigilant that he
sctually "took up" his residence.
Railways are aristocrats they teach
every man to know his own station and to
stop there. -
Why is solar eclipse like mother
whipping her boyf Because it's hiding
.sOt the con.
Awag asks, !" When will the Presidential
chair be like the moon7 When there is q
man in it,
Got any ice at your end of the table,
z Bill - No; but I've got the next thing
\ 70 It," What's that % "a bad cold" :
Climbing is healthy pursuit for strong
I people, but take care that you do not over
exert yourself, and fall into deep decline.
Agrocer in Camp street, when complain
ed to about selling bad eggs, said, cat this
time Of the year the hens are not well, and
often lay bad eggs"
a young man in Ohio recently opened q
clothing store, and was sent to jail for it.
Cause-the clothing store belonged to an
other man.
I" It ID remarkable that you are always
forgetting my name," said q man named
4AuVe w N.Y. 66lU $kulIp, 1C'6 3 OOOe00
hard name to remember"
Look here, Pete" said q knowing
dArkey, "don't stand dar on de railroad
Why, Joe I" "Kase if de cars see dat
moufsob yourn dey tink it am de depot,
am run rite in"
"That's fine strain" said one old gent
to another, abiding to the tones of singer
ct concert the other evening eyes" was
the reply, " but if he strains much more
hem burst"
How is it," said gentleman to sheri-
dan, "that your name has not an o attached
I to it'll Your family is Irish, and no doubt
nlustrious." emo family had better
right to the o. than our family" said Sheri-
dan, "for we owe everybody"
A lady Of the shoddyocracy at Des Moines
found, on returning from walk, some call
/. in great haste, saying: 'Johp, John, take
these and run quick; them ladies rs forget
their tickets"
"Well, sir" said Dunner to his errand
Dnmpp dyes, SIR" "And what did he
say 7" He told me to go to the devil,
sir.s "And what did you do then 2" s..Why
then, sir, came tOyou."
During q late storm gentleman dropped
into the house of friend, conveniently at
hand, but long neglected. The friend was
equal to the occasion; he reopened the
Z door and bowed the visitor out, with the
remark, ." My house is not an umbrella,
air. p,
Al certain judge having been called on at
pnblic meeting for q song, regretted that
it was not in his power to crafty the COM
pany. A wag who was present observed,
He was much surprised at the refusal, as
1t was notorious numbers had been trans
ported by his voice." 4
"What on earth am to do with that in
corrigible son of mine 2" inquired an ahx-
ious father. Dresa him in suit of shep
possible benefit Would sRat be % demanded
the wondering parent. I" It would, at least,
be the way of keeping him in check"
A certain Scotchman, whois not menu
Der of the temperance society, being asked
by dealer to purch ase some fine old ia
the truth, sir, Gamma say Pm very fond o.
rum for if take nair than sax tumblers
it's vary apt to gle me the headache"
While engaged in splitting wood, Jones
struck a false blow, causing the stick to
fly up. 1t struck him on the jaw, and
knocked out front tooth. cay" said a
haS Dental as operation e pArformed, see.S
Yes,n replied the victim, Accidental"
Al invincible wit and punster asked the
captain of craft laden with boards how
he managed to get dinner on the passage
Why" replied the skipper, "we always
cook aboard I" Cook board, do you"
reioined the wag; "then see you have
been well supplied with provisions this
trip, at all events"
An apprentice one day after dinner de-
hberately stepped up to his master and
asked him what he valued his services at
per day. "About sixpence," said his mas
Ter. well, them" said the boy, putting
his hand into,his pocket and drawing out
some coppers, "here's threepence I'm off
ON spree"
A colonel of regiment which served
during the rebellion for a short time met
one Of his men in the street q few days
since, and after talking over camp life, the
former private said, I'll tell you what it
is, colonel, the boys used to grumble about
Won, but they were ungfateful fellows
they ought to be thankful to you, for You
always Kept them out of danger, colonel"
A man with four wives was brought be-
fore O Dutch justice for commitment on a
charge of bigamy. "Four vives," exclaim-
ed TIE astonished Hans, Z" four wives dat
vas q most hiuocious crime! Discharge him
at yonst.n "Why % protested the prose-
cutor, "why discharge him when the proof
lis positivef Will the court explain Z"
g Yes, explains. If he lif nit four wives
he got punishment enough. lif init Won,
and got too much punishment already"
. Mr.. loot, coming home late one night,
was met at the door by his wife. "Pretty
time of night. Mr. Toot for YOU to come