Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1870-05-06
THE JOSH BILLINGS LII PA pApEss !
Marriage.

THE JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS
Marriage. s a.'ae-a
Marriage IL fair transaction on tho
face ov it. .'' -'.''' ''',' '.'-
It IL an old iustitushun. older than the
pyramids. and az phull ov hyrogjephick1
that nobody kan parse. 5:'3 Z. 1'7 1''se*ca
History holds it's tongue who the psit
waz who just put on the silken harness.
and promised tew work kind in il. thru
thick and thin, up bill and down, and o.,
the level, rain or shine, survive OF perish,,
sink or swim, drown or f1ote.
But whoever they waz, they must have
made good thing out Of it, Or so menny
ov their posterity would not have harness
ed up since and drov out. -. a-.i7,.'
Thare IL CRATE moral grip in marrisg;
lit IL the mortar that holds the sosh0ll
bricks together. aa4 70 s. = aat 81 q
But there amt but darned few pholks,
who put their money in matrimony. who
could set down and give 9 good written
Iopinyun viii on arth they cum to did It.
This IL CRATE proof that it il one ov
them natral kind ov acksidents that must
happen. jist az birds fly out ov the nest.
when they hav feathers enuff, without be-
ing abel tew tell why. ' !" '.''R'2'''
Sum marry for buty, and never diskov-
er their mistake; this il lucky. 2aasas ~
Sum marry for money, and-don' 'tseeit.
Sum marry for pedigree, and feel big
for six months. and then very ,sensiblJ
cum tew the conclusion that pedigree sin't
no better than skim milk. ~ >, - ssI
Sum marry tew pleze their relashpns,
and are surprized tew learn that their re-
lashuns don't care cuss for them alter
wards. -s
Sum marry bekause they hav bin highst-
ed sum ware else; this il cross mstch, I;
bay aud sorrel; pride may make It en-
durable. ssa = 9:lIsa a5e3-
Sum marry for love without cent ii
their pocket. nor a friend in the world.
nor drop of pedigree. This looks des-
perate. but 1t IL the strength 90 the game.
If marrying for love aint success, then
matrimony is ded beet.
Sum marry because they think wimmen
will be scarce next year; and live tew
wonder how the crop holds out.
Sum marry tew get rid Of themselves.
and discover that the game was one tha&
two could play st., and neither win. ssy
Sum marry the second time 70 get even
Sum marry tew be happy, and nUs16d5
ing it, wonder where all the hsppiness
goes to when it dies. a ls;isa,
Sum marry. they can't tell Why, and
live, they can't tell how.
Almost everybody gets married. and i
il good joke. %
Sum marry in haste, and then sit down
and think it carefully over. qas giizla
Sum think it over careful fust, and then
set down and marry. f = ai'fie 80
Both ways are right. If they hit the
mark
Sum marry rakes tew convert them.--
This IL little risky, and takes smart
missionary to do it. s. s.''li.s~s
Sum marry coquetts. This il like
buying poor farm, heavily mortgsged.
and working the balance ov you're days
to clear oph the mortgages. $50 7ae
just what gives it its favor. Everyboddy
luvs tew phool with the chances. bekauxe,
everybody expekts tew win. But am
authorized tew state that everybody donv
win. 1.' -
But, after all, married life il full AZ
certain as the dry goods bizsiness. ;e.s
Kno man kan swear exactly where b.
will fetch up when he touches calico. es.s
Kno man kan tell jist what ecalioo has
made up its mind to do next. 63s "a sss..s,.
Calico don't kno even herself. -aa.sz e.e
| Dry goods ov all kinds il the child oY.
circumstances.
Sum never marry. but this il jist es
risky; the disease il the same, with 10
other name to it. Z.
The man who stands on the bank shiv.
ering and dsssent, il more apt tew kesSh
cold than him who pitches hizi he'd 7fust
into the river. as36 .suasg 9jes,ai1a &.
!. Thare il but few who never marry be-
kause they 'oon't-they all hanker, and
most ov them starve with slices ov bread
before them (spread on both sides, jist
for the lack ov grit. -. .,..s'-o-
Marry young ! il mi motto '-''-'' n.y..
/ hav tried it, and kno what I am talkin
about. +a4.'..sta@ 2. ,s'a.8 ssa3 = g
If ennyboddy asks yu viii yu got mar
rid. if it needs be-. tell him yu dos's
reccozleAs. ., ma. s....,sI Is ! szssse
Marriage iz safe way to gamble-i.
yu win, yu get pile. and if yu lozs. N
don't lose emmy thing, only the privilege
ov living alone and soaking your own feat.
repeat it, in italicks, marry young
There IL but one good excuse for mar-
riage late in life, and that ia second
marriage. @ s - ,7's'a',ss |s'
/ EE"The Fire Place is the name Of
q drinking saloon in Chicago. Any, nan,
can get warm for ten cents and red bot.
for quarter. !. -
ITO attempt to reason a girl out ofs
love is as absurd as it would be 10 undse-
take to extinguish Vesuvius with tumb-
Ter of water. sio y y .'s'd22t' 972
! HGod thinks more of the GOOD than