The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1870-05-13
aHtif aus 1uutor.

N u attn Otthtnc.
- Josh Billings says: "One of the
funniest scenes ever seed wuz iwo
old maids waitln' on one sick widower.
In a dime novel recently pub
1ished, the hero is made to cline one
hundred and fifty tact up a tree. How
is that for highp'
~ will preach from dat portion
OF de scripture dis evening"" said
eolored domino, "whar de 'postle Paul
pints his 'pis.le at de phesians."
- The Jews have proverb, that
he who briAgs not his son up to some
employment me kes him thief. The
Turks say, IAN idle man is the devils
playfellow."
"A Texas negro on being arrest
ed for polygamy. said: why, ki !
hasn't got but four mendments yet, and
de law openly lows de eolored man tif-
teen y
- Missouri has pupil in the pri-
mary department Of public school l07
years cid. He is colored youth, and
CT les because the other children won't
play tag with him.
- Southern negroes, when they
get new pair Of pantseare in the most
intense agony until the garment is rip
ped up the leg so they can hear it flop
when they walk.
- A gill at Olympia Washington
Territory, throw some blasting powder
in the Fireplace supposing it to be coal.
They had to send eighteen miles for
lumber Tor the collin, 1t was so scarce
there.
- A Cincinnati judge has decided
that bl Nv from husband to wife is
sufficient ground tor divorce. How
is 1t when the wife does the blowlngy
There is friend u ours wants It's to
fnd out for him, he thinks he's got q
case.
- 'Come Bob, how much hare you
cleared by your speculation ?" said d
friend t. his companion.
''Cleared !" answered Bob with
frows, "~hy, | cleared my pockets"
"A negro parson in the West
preaching against the love of money,
concluded his sermon BY saying And
FINALLY brethren, you can judge what
God thinks of money BY the class of
people he gives it to-
= All Over Town.--"Jane," said
a wag it's all over town.
NV What's all over towa?"
Mud. !"
Miss James eyes drsppcd--and SO
did her waterfall.
AT Sydney, Ohio, young wo-
man went into store and asked for
lifeline intestines for lyrical purposes
He said he was out of them, but had
some mighty good cat-gut ii id e
strings. She tainted, and had to be
carried out on revenue stamp. Such
is life.
--- A Newark man is getting very
suspicious because his wife has several
times, lately asked him why he didn't
apply for work at the ntro-glicerine
factory which has exploded twice late
"? He wants divorce.
Love is like hunter, who cares
not for the game when once caught, |
which he may have pursued with the
mes: intense and breathless eagerness.
eve Is stronger IN pursuit, friendship
IN possession.
a Tilted swain spitefully says :
-sEve did not know as much as her
daughters of the present dav. Had
they been in her place, instead of be-
ing deceived, they would have deceived
the devil"
- Don't be too anxious to solve
connumdrum. We know man who
got two black eyes in endeayoring to
find out the difference between a man
and woman fighting in the street.
- A darksy gives the following
reason why the colered race is superior
re the white race:
''All men are made OF clay. and like
the mecrschaum pipe, are more valu-
able when highly colored."
- A celebrated preacher, III a SER
mon on the duty of wives, said: 81
see ia this congregation q woman who |
has been guilty of disobedience to her |
husband, and in order TO point her out |
] will fling my Bible at her head He |
lifted the book, and every wife's head |
was instantly ducked.
- At Fort Wayne, Indiana, when
women begin to run arouad the street |
barcsoo.ej, people know that "spring |
has come, gentle ANNIE" Talking a
bout feet. an Indiana woman that can't
show foot thirteen inches long Is
hooted out of society.
THE Texas magistrate who post
PVAatN a. SocO 'Ci wv tCfhrs III
to find out whether the State was in or
out OF the Union. was one of your care
ftl kind. In the meantima the citizens
hing the horse thief that was going TO |
be tried, because they hadn't any jail.
"A slight Misunderstanding. AT |
a temperance netting number of la
sdics who desired to throw their Infiu- |
anee on the right side. came up to sign
he pledge when son OF Erin exclaim-
ID: Be CORA who would think so |
nany fine looking Yankee women
rink y
- A young married couple in Wis
bnsin town lately began housekeeping
ld the first purchases OF the head oil,
e family at the village grocery were :
re cents worth of soda. five cents
nth of salt, two cents worth OF pep
r, one cents worth of chewing gum.
twelve cents worth of soap. The
pile amounted to twenty five cents.
ch was paid By the youig Benedict
pecie; aud as he left the store he re-
1fked to the clerk that Excepting
Puse is cheaper than boarding >