The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-06-02
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS

RATIoNs that one can seldom live upon
Aspirations.
81 SEE you're on the watch" as the
thief said TO the guard chain.
THE man who had a cloud upon his
brow has since boon mist.
PUBLIC SPIRIT-Readiness to do any
thing which is likely to prove lucrative.
THE rates of the Washington Life are
the same as other good companies.
WHEN a married man becomes cOrned,
it is perfectly proper for his wife to pull
his ears.
RUMoR IL vagrant without a home,
and lives upon what it kan pick up
Billings
LARGE numbers are already securing
board for the Musical Institute to be held
in Chicago the last of August.
DARLING. it's bed time All the little
chickens have gone to bed" Yes, mann
ma, SO has the old hen"
THoUGH money may be "the root OF
evil" yet it is root =" that we all like to
see grow on cur hands.
DoBBs says he would have died of vel
low fever in Angus if it hadn't been toI
one thing the doctors gave him up.
THE types made one of the Troy papers
inform lis readers that the polls would be
open from SHUTDOWN to sunset"
INSURE your life for the amount of the
mortgage on your house, in the Washing
ton Life Insurance Company, of New
YORK.
AN exchange thinks it rather embarras
sing TO lift your hat to lady, and have q
couple Of dirty collars roll out upon the
walk
SNooPs says, if you wish to recollect a
mans name, go security for his house
rent. For keeping your memory fresh
| there is nothing like this plan.
A LADY, in trying to cure her husband
of smoking, has learned TO smoke the
weed herself, and complains that ait is
rather an expensive habit for two"
JOSH BILLINGS says: "Give the devil
his dues, reads well enough in proverb
bat what will become NV you and me il
this arrangement is carried out?"
COMMISSIONER DELANo has received an
inquiry from Western genius, who wants
to Know if the currency found with his
five-cent tobacco should be included in has
income return.
NOT bad for little girl Of ten, whose
knowledge of geography is somewhat i'm,
perfect. On hearing her father speak q
going to the polls to vote, she very limo.
Gently inquired if the people of the tropics
voted at the equator.
A DANBURY, Conn, fisherman, who
baitei his hook with small frog, and
after conversing with companion few
minutes, found that his lively bait had
swan ashore and was sitting quietly on
the rock by his side, wound up his line
and went home.
L LADY in Bangor, Me-, who directed q
servant to take out and clean the win
dOws in an upper story, was intensely
disguised when, on making visit for in.
spection, she found that Bridget had re-
moved every pane glass from the sashes
and neatly washed and piled them on
the floor.
/ A PAINTER, who had been employed to
paint the hull of steamer, did not paint
it close enough to the water line by about
eight inches. The mistake was pointed
out to him, and he said: 81 painted il
close to the water, but the tide went out
last night, and could not prevent the
water from falling"
A LADY made call upon a friend who
had recently been married. When heI
husband came to dinner she said, we
been to Mrs. s." "Well," replied the
husband, 81 suppose she is very happy
"Happy, Well, / should think she ought
to be; she has camers hair shawl, two
thirds border"
MAMMA" said a little fellow, whose
mother had forbidden him to draw horses
and ships on the mahogany sideboard
with sharp nall Mamma, this amt q
nice house. At Sam Rackett's we can cut
/ the sofa and pull out the hair, and ride
the shovel and tOngs over the carpet but
here we can't have any fun at all"
In little Western town lady teache,
was exercising class Of juveniles in
mental arithmetic. She commenced the
question, If you buy COW for ten dol
lars" when up came little hand
What is it, Johnny2 ?" "Why you CAM
buy no kind of COW for ten dollars
father sold one for sixty dollars the othel
day, and she was a regular old scrub al
that? ?"
A FRIEND was complaining to Coleman
that he should be compelled to change his
tailor, az he found that a suit of ciothe.
would not last him above half the time tba,
it ought to do, and inquired if he could
recommend him any place where he coult
meet with parel more durable EYES,
said Coler "a, Il recommend you tc
chancery, and there you may have suit
that will last you your lifetime"
| A SALOON KEEPER of questionable hon
esty went to a lawyer to consult him
about commencing an action of defama-
ton against fellow townsman. "The
scoundrel," said he, fiercely, has robbed
NE of my character ~ "Ahi has he p
are you sure of that TACT ?" replied the at
torney; "if 30. for heavens sake let him
so, for its The luckiest thing that ever hap
psned TO your
THREE things lady cannot do: |. She
cannot pass millinery-shop without