Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1870-07-16


Bp Joe Van Wink--I mean Rip jefferson.
Well 80 1t was--old Rip at last came back
Claimed his old wife-tbe present widow Mac
Had his old sign regilded, and began
To practice pbysic on the same old plan.
And "please 20 cali grew frequent on the Slate,
He had, in fact, an ancient mildewed air.
A long gray beard, a plenteous lack Of hair
Tie musty look that always recommends
Your good old doctor to his aing friends.
Talk Of your science after all is said,
There's nothing like a bare and shiny head.
Age lends the graces that are sure TO please
Folks want their doctors moudy like their
cheese.
So Rip began to look at peoples tongues
And thump their briskits (called 1t sound their
lungs,D
Brushed up his knowledge smartly as he could.
Read in old Cullen and in Doctor Good.
The town was healthy for a month or two
He gave the sexton little work TO do.
About the time when dogday heats begin
Measles and mumps and mulligrubs set in;
With autumn evenings dysontcry came,
And dusky typhoid lit his smoudcring fame /:
The blacksmith ailed---the carpenter was down.
And half the children sickened in the town.
The sections face grew shorter than before
The sections wife brand new bonnet wore---
Things looked quite serious--Death has got a
grip
On old and young, in spite of Doctor Rip
And now the Squire was taken with chilli.
Wife gave "bOt drops"-a night an Indian pill I;
Next morning, feverish-bedtime getting worse,
Out of his head--began 20 rave and CURSE
The Doctor sen. for--Gouble quick he came;
Ant. Tart. Gran. Duo. and repeat the same
If no ct cetera. Third day--nothing new;
paroIccpI hic fhOray--cpt him purSinU
Lung-fever threatening--something of the sort,
Out with the lancet-let him beed-a quart ~
Ten leeches next--then blstcrs to his side;
Ten grains of calomel-iust then he died.
The Deacon next required the Doctors care
Took cold 10y sitting in a draught of air
Pains in the back, but what the matter is
Not quite so cear-wife calls il "rheumatiz."
Rubs back with flannel-giyes him something
hot--
"Ah |" says the Deacon, "that goes nigh the
spot"
Next nay q riqor-run by little eman,
And say the Deacon sends for Doctor Van.
The Doctor came-percussiOn, as before,
Humping and banging till his ribs were sore
Fright side up the fiattest"--then more vigOr.
Gus raps.
Fever-that's certain-plenty, perhaps.
A quart of blood will ease the pain, 10 doubt
Ten leeches next will help to suck il out,
|
But first two grains Of AntjmOnium Tart
| Last, with dose of cleansing colonel
Unload the portal systeHi-that sounds well
But when the self-same remedies were tried,
As all the village knew, the Squire had died:
The neighbors hinted-"This will never do,
He's killed the Squire-he'll kill the Deacon
too"
Now when a doctors patients are perplexed
A consultation comes in orderneXt-
You know what that is? In certain placa
Meet certain doctors to discuss case
And other matters, such as weather, crops;
Potatoes, pumpkins, lager beer and hops.
For what's the use I? there's little to he said
| Nine times in len your mans rs good as dead
AT best talk Che secret to disciose)
Where three men guess and sometimes one man
knows.
The counsel summoned came without delay
Young Doctor Green, ,shrcwdold Doctor Gray
| They heard the story-"Blerd says Doct. Green
That's downright murder cut his throat, you
mean!
Leeches the reptilesl Why, forpity's sake.
| Not try an adder or rattlcsnake!
Blisters, why bless you, they're against the law
| It's rank assault and battery if they draw!
Tartrate of aniimony! shade of Luke.
Stomachs turn pale at thought of such rebuke
The portal system What's the man about?
| Unload your nonsense! CalOmefs played out
You've been asleep-you'd better sleep away
iii some one calls you
"S,or -, sovo Doc,or crov
..r,,o o,o.,, Sop ''oi' S"9a tor ,iir,r uaays
WI, 20 5Snao' o, ,U tl,a; Il onnoors
| You must have slumhered most amazing sound
Ynum fnd thn iancet s IN MI" lie honnreJ nioce
Ou nr Ia iI;",o.s ,ano"od ~, frnm, d;sarao.
VI'r drnns una radaa. Cd fron, rashons nass;no
io"s onn u,as' i'N''eN ''''n '''- p"'''i's
j., "a oo,,n,od sofo n c;uo n bobos urbornn
Anu oo"''''' '"'0 " s''' " '"'e' '''
o~r nnnn,e S,y yoar;p,,s p, W. .ad:nsd man vas be.
n,', II rro',, tI, moaou,s Sorsa he niodJnd sou
.io'S n"d ALA ona r,a. h,,n'ror 81 f"Ei;xir pro
nGuoh h'a VI :, 10 s,i,p.ad ..Mrs Van NV d.or
don't ike bleaching in the frost @ and dew,
III take the barn, if all The same to you;
Just once year-remember! no mistake!