The Charleston daily news. [volume] (Charleston, S.C.) 1865-1873, 1870-06-21
Royal Babies.

The blessings of royal babylon, like the
feelings of corrupt Radical when Re-
former is at his heels, may be more easil7
imagined than described.
From the moment when pealing bells
throughout the kingdom give joyful tidings
of the happy nuptials of Kingly Darby and
Qaeenly Joan, the thoughts of every loyal sub
ect fondly turn to the expected Royal Baby.
The veal or woe OF the superb parents is
matter of small consequence. The object OF
the glittering pageant is Royal Baby, and
when that limp specimen of royal humanity
does come to town, guns are fired, hourly
bulletins reveal the state of the infantine
poll and loyal lieges become royalty obliv-
ious of all the cares Of life. King Darby and
Queen Joan may now go marching home just
as fast as they please. The kingdom is safe,
though the heir be more interested at the
moment in golden tops and emerald marbles
than treaties of peace, declarations OF war
or the state of the national exchequer.
Every squeal of the Royal Baby echoes in
the maternal heart of every patriotic subject.
Teething is met by public prayer. A recov-
cry from whooping cough is heralded by
rolling salutes Of pestiferous cannon. The
measles become the deadly foe Of millions
until the perilous crisis is past, and as for
smallpox pest upon the thought And
the Royal Baby grows in wisdom and lowell
ness s-ip the public mind. The loyal press
chant the praises Of its precocious intelli-
gence and robust health. There are two
Royal Babies-the one, the baby OF the loyal
public, bright, capable and strong; the
other, the true Baby of the Royal Household,
flabby, weak and stupid. But it answers
every purpose. The people believe that the
Baby is all that they wish it 10 be. What
mother sees faults in her toddling tirst-born
And the mother OF the first Royal Baby is
millions of loyal people.
A man is envied who is born with silver
spoon in bis mouth, but what can express
the glory of the Baby all whose spoons are
gold, whose candy is rolled in gilded paper,
whose dolls are garbed in satins fine, whose
every toy is q jewel of price, whose tears
are dried with gold brocade, whose infan-
tine accents reach the outer world through
the mouths of silver trumpets This is, in
very truth, the glory and the splendor OF
Royal Babydom-as the public mind be-
lieves. There may be within the palace
walls hollow-eyed, weazened child, hug
ging dilapidated wooden monstrosty to its
heaving breast, and loving mud-pies better
than pate de foie gras, or choicest bon-bons
of Paris; but this, whatever the truth, is not
the Royal Baby whom the people think they
know, and actually do love.
Time rolls on with Royal Babies as with
the child of chimney-sweep or dustman, and
by the time that the Baby is out Of its longs
and into its shorts the minister OF its royal
father and mother are on the ''qui vive" for a
royal marriage Perched on the top OF the
social tree, does the BABY marry whom it
pleases Not bit of it. The peasant may
marry for love and fancy, but the Royal
Baby must wed for reasons of state to prop
falling throne, to confirm waiting friend,
or soften bitter foe. This is part of the
price that must be paid for the golden spoons
OF Royal Babylon.
The universe is hunted over and very soon
list is prepared of eligible candidates for
the hand of the royal prodigy. Again is the
public on the alert, eager for another we'd:
ding and more Royal Babies. A husband or
a wife is bargained for just Us o string 0
fish is bought in the market. And then the
bells ring, and more bulletins are published
and the whole programme goes over again.
But where is the use OF it? And where
will it end! His Majesty, Infelix XIII, may
have ten royal babies who are cheerfully
provided for by tie loyal taxpayers; but
when these ten are multiplied by ten, and
these again by ten, who is to provide the
pensions and palace, the purple and fine
linen, the jewels and the golden sceptres :?
A people is not like the magic horse, whose
back grew longer as the burdens were heap
ed upon it. There must be limit to its
endurance; and who can tell whether the
breaking of the popular back will be herald
ed by silent protest or awar OF revou-
ton: The Royal Baby must beware in time.
Unless some monarchical Malthus seize the
reins and curb the multiplication and in
crease, the wealth of whole nation will be
insufficient to support its parasitic Babies.
A squall is brewing, but, all the same, the
Emperor of Russia and the King of Prussia
meet at Ems, to arrange marriage for two
more Royal Babies.