The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1870-03-26
NEWS ITEMS.

best counsel, his best JudSe, MS pest
adviser, and the cheapest and most rea- |
sonable.
Is that clock right over there z"
asked a visitor the other day. !" Right
over there answered the boy, "talnt no
where else"
A little girl seeing litter of kittens
for the first time, expressed her opinion
that " somebody had shaken pussy all to
pieces"
An Enelishman in Madrid recently
strangled pickpocket who had stolen his
watch, and then surrendered himself to
the police.
A venerable old couple in New York,
over seventy, fearful that death would
separate them, jumped into the river IN
order to die together.
A New York paper says that Rev. Mr..
Smith, of Illinois, was acquitted for
drowning his wife because it was his
first offence of the kind.
A fashionable lady's maid, who en-
deavored to rival her mistress in the
style of her garments, wrote an order to
the perfumer the other day, and request
ed him to furnish case Of 40 Dick
Alone -
5, At some of the fashionable boarding
schools, it is said, in the East, young la
dies are taught the cart of refusing an
offer SO as to give the victim little or no
pain, or perfect avalanche Of agony.
The Bey of Tunis- determined to
maintain his credit, has imprisoned all
the jewellers of his capital and closed
their stores because they have refused to
credit him any more.
A cotemporary says that the difference
between Joan of Arc aud Noahs ark, is
that one was Maid of Orleans, and the
other was made of Gophir wood.
!. On old stable keeper in England said
he has never had bad foot on a horse
since he commenced bedding on on thick
layer of saw dust. Pine saw dust he
finds the best, oak the worst.
There are said to be so many persons
, having the measles in Columbus now
, that in some large families there is hard
t ly measle apiece for the children.
Pittsburg enjoyed bran new sensa-
tion last week, caused by young lady
leaving a line of bran along the side
: walks as she was enjoying her afternoon
, promenade.
An advertisement in a Missouri paper
informs the gentleman who fell down and
lost his teeth where he can obtain them
! The handsomest woman in Norwich,
) Conn, was burned to a cinder the other
day She resided in millinery shop,
a ard was made of wax.
t Among the petitions before the French
s legislature is one to compel the tattooipg
S of newborn infants, SO as to furnish
/ means of Identification.
: A pupil ought in time to become
e his teachers equal. Paul once sat at the
a feet of Gamaliel as his master. but he
a did not feel bound to carry Gamaliefs
9 carpet-bag for the rest of his life
: A Westerner, speaking of the per.
: formapce of his village choir, says tha
8 sit is like DRIFT wood in stream; il
: drags On the bars. but it don't amount
!. to a DAM"
: Mrs. Russ, the widow of the inventor
! of the Russ pavement, discovered small
: pimple near her mouth about two week.
], ago, which she picked with her nail
! The nail poisoned the flesh, mortif ratior
> set in, and she died few days afterward
$ Henry Ward Beecher says: II hearti
ly believe in judicious flagellation;" bu
he considers the rod a stchoise dainty, ant
e like kissing, to be used rarely, and ther
;. heartily laid on"
# An old bachelor in New York Offered
e young lady a pony for kiss; she suet
Il him; he pleaded no consideration" tn,
y court decided that a kiss was a legal con
e sideration aud made him "pony over.
II An old trapper in Arizona who hat
$ just scalped his fifteenth Indian, says
J '.It's good staying out here this season
e A bride in Chealham county, Tenn.
+, = arrayed for the altar, concluded to MARI,
= an old lover who came hurriedly to Sc,
; the ceremony and she actually did it
:, The man who calls his wife birc
). must not be disappointed if she asks hin
: to buy feathers.
d Mr.. Dalrymple, the great farmer o
e Minnesota is said to have made $3.50
d 900 clear gain IN three years of farming
i Mr.. Joshua Billings says: "One of th
. fussiest scenes / ever seed wuz two OLE
maids waiting on one sick widower.
Fisk's beautiful financial figure, "gon
e where the woodbine twineth," when di
y vested of its rhetoric means s.gonc uI
e the spout.'
A Tennessee paper says "Brownsvill
L L has a colored hotei;" whereupon one 0
, its contemporaries asks "what color i
:, it?" =
e Prince Arthur has accepted an invi
tation to visit Wheatland, the residenc
of the late x-President Buchanan.
$ "To-night you git or dangle," is tn
T. notice served on the thugs of Wyoming