The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1870-11-11

q 44xzec1aIly As 70 DC encouraged.
ID Il saoa medicine. Everybody ought
Ms bathe IN IL. Grim care, morosencss,
anxiety, ali the rust Of life ought TO be
secured OF by the oil Of mirth. A man
without mirth is like carriage without
springs, which one is caused disagreed
bly, to jolt by every pebble over which
II runs. Al man with mirth is like
chariot with springs, in which one can
ride over the toughest road, and scarcely
feel anything but pleasant rocking
motion.
A Boston woman said she would do
anything to make her husband happy,
and the next day she took dose OF
laudanum and died. 1t had the desired
effect. and he said he never enjoyed a
fuueral so much in his life. Some wo-
men are unselfsh.
If four dogs, with sixteen legs, can
catch twenty mine rabbits, with eighty
seven legs, in forty-four minutes, how
many legs must the same rabbits have
to getaway from eight dogs with thirty
two legs, in seventeen minutes and a
halfi We have seen sums in books
nearly as sensible as this.
Johnny vas watching his mother, who
had buried several husbands, while
wreathing her head with the lovely
orange bloom of our Louisiana gardens
30, ma 7" he said, "how sweet that is
You just look as ifpa was dead and you
were going to be married again J"
An old criminal was once asked what
was the first step that led him to ruin,
when he answered, "The first step was
to cheat printer out of two dollars sub
scription to his paper. When | did that
the devil got such a hold upon me
/ could never shake him off"
A lady of the shoddyocracy of Des
MOines found, on returning from walk,
some call cards on her table. She call
ed servant in great haste, saying:
"John, John, take these and run, quick
them ladies has forgot their tickets"
Vallejo, Cal, according to the local
paper, harbors men who shave bee ONE
so saturated with the oil of condensed
damnation as to commit an act com bining
all.the horrors of century of crimes in
to one"
"Aunt jane" said an exasperated
wife, 81 wish it was a custom for women
to trade husbands as it is for men to
trade horses" "Why, my dear f"-
Because, if it was, Id cheat some wo-
man before shutdown"
A couple of fellows who were pretty
thoroughly soaked with bad whisky, got
into the gutter. After houndering about
for few minutes, one of them said,
"Jim, let's go to another house, this ho-
tel leaks"
There is one fat man less in Cincin
natl. He drank two gallons of sweet
cider, pocketed the wager, rose, chuck
led, tiled to make a remark, and fell
over on the floor.
1t has been scientifically discovered
that we have no further use for the slit
tie busy bee." as the honey can be made
better and cheaper by new process
Busy bee must so into some other bees
mess.
Young girls with ideas clear up to the
top of the scale are requested to take
notice that the most fashionable mar
riages now arc those which are conduct
ed with the greatest simplicity.
An urehin being sent for five cents
worth of maccaboy snuff, forgot the
name of The article and asked for FIVE
cents worth of something to make boy
snecze.
An analy zing dame reports that she
has heard of but one old woman who
kissed her cow, but she knows of thou
sands of young ones who kiss very great
calves.
An Ohio girl has laid by the sum of
six hundred dollars, all gained by max
ing corn husk door mats at ten cents
each.
Though men boast of holding the
reins, the women generally tell them
which way they must drive.
A druggist has this cheerful invitation
in his show window: "Come in and get
twelve emetics for one shilling"
Spirit of the New Jersey press-Ap-
pie jack and cider.
A man in Boston is so short that when
he is i'll he don't know whether he has
the headache or corns.
A vinegar-hcarted old bachelor says
he always looks under the head of mar
riages 'for news of the weak"
Love is described by Bcecher as the