Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1870-02-17
The Distrikt SkooImaster.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

There liz one man in this basement
world that l always look upon with MKT
feelings ov pity and respect.
But there IL one man in this world to
whom alwus take oph mi hat, and re-
main uncovered until he gets safely by,
and that is the distrikt skoolmaster.
When meet him, I look upon him az
marter just returned from the stake, or
on hiz way thare to be cooked.
He leads mere lonesum and single life
than an old bachelor and a more anxious
one than an old made. vta.s .sE
He iz remembered just about as long
and affecktionately az glide board il by
travelling pack peddelr.
If he undertakes tew make lis scholers
luv him the chances are he will neglect
their larnin and if he don't lick them
now and then pretty often, they will soon
lick him.
The distrikt skoolmaster amt got a
friend on the fiat side ov earth. The boys
SNOWFALL him durin recess, the girls put
water in his hair die, and the skool COM
mittee make him work for half the money
bartender gifts, and board him around
the naborhood where they give him rhy
coffee, sweatened with molasses, tew
drink, and kodfish bawls three times a
day for vittles.
And with all this abuse, never heard
ov distrikt skoolmaster swearing any
thing louder than Condemn ii. -.
Don't talk tew me about the pashunce
of anshunt Job. Job had pretty plenty ov
biles all over him, no doubt, but they
were awl ov one breed.
Every young one in distrikt school liz
bile of different breed, and each young
one needs different kind ov poultiss tew
get a good head on them.
A distrikt skoolmaster who duz a square
job takes his Goldfish balls revently, liz
better man to-day tew hav Heing around
loose than Solomon would be, arrayed in
all his glory. r..--
Solomon was better at writing proverbs
and managing large family than he
would be tew navigate distrikt school
house. 81 s-a..s u ..
Emmy man who haz kept distrikt
skool for ten years, and boarded around
the neighborhood, ought to be made ma
jor-general and have penshun for therest
ov hiz natral days, and horse and wagin
tew dew hiz going around in.
But az general consequence distrikt
skool-master amt got no more warp
friends than an old blind fox-hound haz.
He liz just about az welkum az tax
gatherer liz. -r Esa
He IL respeckted good deal az a man
is whom we owe debt of so dollars tew
and don't mean few pay.
He goes through life on back road, az
poor as wood sled, and finally liz missed
but what ever bekums of hiz remains /
kant tell. -..-
Fortunately, he IL not often sensitive
man if he was he couldn't emmy more
keep distrikt skool than he could file
kross kut saw. s..e
Viii liz it that these men and wimmin,
who pashuntly, and with crazed brane,
teach our remorseless brats the tejus
meaning of the alphabet, who take the
welding heat ov our destinyes, who lay
the stepping stone and encurridge them
to mount upwards, who hav don more
hard and mean work than emmy klass ON
the futstool, who have prayed over the
reprobate, strengthened the timid, re-
strained the outrageous and fattered the
imbaaila, who had lived on kodfish and
vile coffee, and hant been heard to swear
.-whi IL it that they are treated like
vagrant fiddler, danced to for a night and
paid oph in the morning, and eagerly for
gotten ?
L had rather burn a coal pit or keep the
fys out ov butchers shop in the month
of August than meddle with the distrikt
skool bizzness.-Neao York Weekly. -...