Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-07-01
A Temperance Discourse in Reply to @
9LdsT Correspondent. bnB siA.
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BERKsHIRE Who it waz that invented
ing; but 1t would havs bin a fust-klass
licker had both Nv them bin split or
the ground and never bin sopped ur
since. vs.A
The devil himself, with all hiz genius
for q ten strike, could mot have relledsa
ball more seryiceabla for Shiz bizness on
earth; and more certain to quarter on the
headspin, and sweep the alley every time.
Rum is the devils stool pigeon, hiz right
bower, hiz high, low, Jack and the game.
3 A greatruenny, with dyspeptic morals,
argy that Ticker is indispensable for man.
ufacturing and docktor purposes, and also
for mechanical uses, and they hold that yu
kOuldnt raise barn that would stand,
without any good old Jamaka rum, and
sum say that pudding, sass, without emmy
spirits in 1t, iz no healthier than common
goose grease. E.
But awl ov theze are furnished free ov
cost, by. the Devil himself, and emmy man
who advances them Aiz telling without
knowing it perhaps> lies that will weigh,
at a ruff estimate, at least pound apiece.
But mi objeckt in theze flu preliminus re-
marks, IL tew git a good chance to tell
what know about "Jersey lightning"
(cne ov alcohol's imps y as manafack-
tring and metaphysical agent ,s,a ssH
Jersey lightning IL cider brandy, three
hours old, still born, and quicker than
flash. This Juice IL drunk raw by all the
old sports, and makes premonitary and
Kissing noize azitwinds down the thrut,
like an old she-goose setting on eggs, or
hot Iron stuck in ice water. Three horns
day ov this Ticker will tan a. mans inte-
rior in six months, SO that he kan swallow
live, six.footed krab, feet fust, and not
waste wink. ssrg ssss~ss y 20 g'.'1 sss' = :
1t don't fat man d(cider brandy don't)
like whiskee duz, buth Fuckers him up
like fried potatoze. IF a man kan survive
the fust three years Of Jersey lightning,
he is safe then for the next 75 years to
come, and keeps looking every day more
like a three-year- old red peper-pod, hot
ter and hotter. An old cider brandy
drinker will steam, in a sudden shower ov
rain, like pile ov stable manure, and hiz
breath smells like the buEghele ov rum
cask lately emptyed.
When Jersey lightning is fust born it
tastes like billing turpentine and cayene,
halfand,half, and wiilraise a blood. blister
on a pair oy old kowhide brogans in d
minutes, and applied externally, will cure
the rumatisln or kill the. patient, for
get which. The ifust horn a man takes
ovthis Ticker will make him think he has
swallowed q gaslight, and he will go out
behind the barn and try to die, but kant.
The eyes ofian old sciderbrandist look like
deep gashes kut into a ripe tomato, his
noze is the komplexion ov q half-biled
lobster, and the grizzle in hiz gullet sticks
out like an elbo in agtin Xleader.f TgTf1
The more villainous the drink the more
inveterate are those who drink it. / kant
tell yer whether cider brandy will short.
en- an old suckers dayes or not, for they
generally oItliye all 4the Srestlovs the ma.
bobs, and die just as soon as tie old tav.
ern stand changes hands and IL opened on
Temperance principles. One bottle oy
sassaparilla or gingerspops iz az fatle tew
theze old fellers az rifle ball il tew bed
bugg. ..Ans7y ~.gs,,w sto..vx sgpa 81
would do almost ennything but mur-
der tew save. a young man from Jersey
lightning, but trieingi otew save an old
one IL like trieing tew put the fire out ov
holler log; yu might az well let it burn
up, for the ashes IL worth more than the
logg.s aessi3 8 .ats1sA z 'a.a bas -