Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1870-02-02
JEHIAL SLABS WAYSIDE NOTES.
Uncle Kier Virgins on Church Aris-
tOGTacys

Uncle Kier says society is sick He i'm
AGNES he has been called in to prescribe,
and goes right along with his remedies as
any doctor should.
He thinks our preachers incline to the
use of unmedicated little pills for all sorts
of diseases in rich congregations, and that.
no matter what the symptoms are, the dose
always remains just about the same
He thinks they bring out the same little
squirt gun to block on fire, that they use
when only a cob house is burning
[ am inclined to believe that Uncle Kier
is more than half right.
''How L would like to be preacher in one
Of these fine, costive meetin' houses lur a
few Sundays" said the old man, suddenly
breaking his afternoon reverie, and hitch
ing bis arm chair in a sort of savage. meat
aXy way little nearer the fire.
4 couldn't preambulate and come all
these apple jack pulpet styles, with es much
sollcltude es some, but I could stir up the
rich farmer drCnes in my Christian hive to
the necessltude fur doin leetle more tIa-
velin' towards the Kingdom of Heaven for
themselves.
"And wouldn't I dew it? I rayther
guess l would.
''And I'd have um begin right off tew.
Git square down intew the same road that
| common people travel, and foot it there
like the rest Of us in the dirt of humility.
''They think that if they furnish a good
share OF the lie fur maxim the church ma
chine run easy, and fur convartin the
heather 'on Greenland's icy mountains,
| its all the Lord wants of them.
'But one of these days they are goin'
tew wake up, and find themselves as much
surprised ON that pint es ever an old hen
/ woo cSETl,a hnr n,
And they Orter to have warnin of it tew,
and have it now.
''The preacher makes ais sarmon only a
! popgun eXtercise, nowadays, when it should
be regear square carronade at short range.
"He feeds slops when the very best OF
| strong meat is needed.
90 fur live, arnest, Aggressive minis
try !"
Then Uncle Kier paused and looked
around, apparently for Aunt Jerusha That
worthy lady being absent in the kitchen,
washing dishes, he vented the rest of his
displeasure in a right lively stir among the
Goals with poker
MICE AS TnL-TAPPERs. "A PhiIadelphig
! publican missed money from histill. Every
means was employed in vain for the dscov.
| cry OF the thief. He slept alone in his bar.
room one night undisturbed, but in the
morning every bit of paper money was gone
from the drawer. At lentgh the drawer
was removed. In one corner a hole waf
found just big enough for the entrance of a
| mouse. For years the little creatures hat
been renewing the lining of their nest will
national currency of every small denomina
uon. In equantlty recovered filled n cigar
box. 1t was cut virtually into paper down
and amounted in the aggregate to severa
hundl ed dollars. If all the mice in the
country would do likewise, the Nationa
debt would be precepGbly diminished, ant
bar-rooms would be the most appro priat,
field of action they could find.
CURING HARD MILKING Cow.-A write
IN the Canada Farmer Tor December state
that retired merchant becoming the owne
OF helter, of fine form and proportions
found, much to his annoyance, that she wa
remarkably hard milker, requiring hour
almost to do the work of minutes where th
flow is easy.
He Immediately set about seeking
remedy, and at length concluded that h
would make the hole in the teat larger b,
cutting. The COW was tied, and q slit al
eighth Of an inch made in the edge of tn
orlice. OF course, milking for the mex
few days was anything but agreeable, bu
the wound healed, and the hard mixer wa
cured.