The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1870-03-17
LAUGHERANEOUS.

1.-THE coming mana waiter.
"A pains taking mantle doctor.
"A pair Of tights-two drunkards.
Rolling stock--cattle on highways.
The lowest class of society--dwarfs
Household words shut the door"
Illegal misunderstanding wife.
How to get foothold- take boot
jack.
The best drawing lesson-drawing
salary.
Ill starred men-many of our late
Brigadiers.
How to fire and fall back-get the
gun that kicks.
Good places for match making
sulphur springs.
TO make bread last-do the rest of
your cooking first.
"A social glass to which ladies are ad-
dlcted-the mirror.
Relatives that ought to make good
pedestrlans-step-s sons.
When is thief like seamstress p
When he cuts and runs.
The only woman mentioned in the
Bible before Eve-Jenny Sis.
What class of ladies are apt to give
tone to society ?-The bellies.
The eight of other days. is now
supposed to be tallow candle.
The most recent way to balance books
is to put them On the scales.
IA L
ground than petroleum oil district
"A young lady out West is charged
with putting on airs becaused she re-
fused to go to ball barefoot.
"A young farmer who inquired how
best to start nursery, was told to get
married.
Many a man when he came to paying
his bills has found his wife dearer than
his sweetheart.
"A woman recently broke her back
bv sitting down in chair when there
wasn't any chair there.
Who IS the straightest man men,
toned in the Bible ?-Joseph, because
Pharaoh made ruler of him.
Fond mamma-''And what would
Johnny do if poor mamma were to die ?"
Johnny-"Eat up all the sugar.
"A pork-butcher's sign in French
provincial city reads: "Batta, Jr.,
slaughters, hogs like his father"
The Adrian Journal makes the fol-
lowing announcement:
''Our ID has gone and got married
Term $500 per year in advance.
"A flop in company awaiting his SER
want called out, "Wher's that blockhead
Of mine? '' A lady present answered,
Son your shoulders, sir.
II hope this hand is not counterfeit, 2"
said lover, as he was toying with his
sweetheart's fingers. 1.-THE best way to
find out is to ring it," was the reply.
II know a gal so modest, Sam, dat
she ordered her beaux out OBJ de house. "
''What for? Bekase, in conversation
On the subject OBJ de wedder, he said de
wind had shifted"
-"Sir," said young wife to her hus-
band, a few days after marriage, ''you
chimney smoked, but why didn you tell
me you smoked yourself?"
"A father was winding his watch,
when he said playfully to his little girl:
LET me wind your nose up !" ''No."
said the child, Il don't want it 20 run
all day."
When the cold wind blows tax. care
of your nose that it dom get froze, and
wrap up your toes in warm wooden hose.
The above, we suppose, was written in
prose, by some one who knows the effect
of cold SHOWS.
who's that gentleman, my little
man?' was asked of an urchin. That
one with the spike tailed coat?' Eyes"
was the response. why, he's hrevet
uncle of mine.' elbows that?" was
asked. "iCause he's engaged to my
aunt Mary"
An Irishman who had lain sick
long time, was one day met by the parish
priest, when the following conversation
took place "Well, Patrick, | am glad
you have recovered. But were you afraid
to meet God p "Och no! your river
ance 1t was the meetin' of t'other
chap [ was afeared uvl" replied Pat.
Jim had precocious nephew, lad
just three years old. Playing with his
kitten yesterday, Miss Kitten ''got her
back up'' about something kittens as
we'll as folks often get their backs up and
scampered over the floor. Little nephew
was delighted and sang out, Look, ma,
kittens cote Grecian bend ~
"A plushing damsel called at one of
the agencies the other day to buy sew
ing-machine. ''Do you want a felle- ?"
inquired the modest clerk in attendance.
The ingenious maid replied with some
asperity, ''No sir | have one."
AN English clergyman, on ordering
dinner for number of clerical friends at
a hotel. was gravely asked by the waiter
if the party were High Church or Low
Church, 'Now, what on earth," cried
tie minister, do my friends opinions
matter to you?" IA great deal SIR"
rejoined the waiter; eff High Church,
[ must provide more wine; if Low
Church, more whites.
We recommend the following to those
protesting Christians who can shed tears
over the degradation of the heather, and
sing Justify, and pray loudly for their con-
version, and never contribute anything,
except it may be mutilated or counter
felt ten cent currency note for missionary
work:
Old Aunt Dinah was a shouting color |
ed saint, of the city of Charlestown, who |
would sing at the top of her voice, and |
cry glory !" above all the rest of the |
congregation. 1t was common at the |
missionary prayer meetings of the color |
ed people to take up a collection while |
singing the hymn:
"Fly abroad, thou mighty gospelr