The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1870-10-01
Dailp Argus.
OFFICIAL CITY g. COUNTY PAPER
Hoohand IntaryiHad.

Hoodand Intsrviwsd
1t was dismal day. The rain pelted the
windows OF the editorial sanctum viciously,
as II the clerk of the weather, vexed by
some querulous paragraph retecting on the
management of his department, had order
ed his understrappers TO throw cold water
on our efforts to entertain the public. The
city news market was as dull as the leaden
sky, and the country sheets, guiitiess OF ahY
thing that snvored Oft the sensational, we're
IN every sense OF the phrase wet blankets
Melancholy as dyseptc owl, our live
Hest reporter sat broodlng IN corner,
scratching his head and finding nothing in i,
but a vacuum. A bright thought struck US
Such things will sometimes happen to an
editor, even in q north east rainstorm. Let
somebody be interviewed, we exclaimed
looking up at our played out attache. He
brig btensd up and inquired who it should
be. We cogitatsd. The leading politicians
financiers and clergymen had all been done
in fact, overdone. The public was tired
of them-is was of no use 'goinR through"
any of them again. Another bright ,dea
flashed through our pericrsnium. "Drop
IN said We, ION a man who has never vet
been ,nterviewed-a public benefactor, whose
name has been before the people for thirty
years, and to whom thousands of them owe
the good digestion that waits on appetite, and
the health that waits both-a veteran
phllanthrophIst, whose name from our boy
hood S hour, has been CONSPICUOUS on
every coign OF van tage as the Handwriting
on the WALL in Belshszzar's palace, and
who, at time when but too many c.ndi
dates for public favor are weighed in the
balance and found wanting, continues to
enjoy the confidence of the masses. To
short, go and pay friendly visit to DR..
Hootland. aud report the result at these
headquarters
1T is bitter day., remarked our special
"rhe more appropriate" we replied, "for
an interview with the discovery of the most
popular Bitters in existence" Electrified
by our bitter pun, he took his hat and
umbrella, and vanished tout de suite.
In about an hour and a half, he returned
with the following
REPORT.
Found Dr. HooHand in his laboratory with
face as full of benevolent sunshine as a
day in June, and opened fire upon him at
once.
Reporfer-Good morning doctor. have
come to interview you.
Doctor II. (dryly)-Ah! In nv young
days they called that sort OF thing pumping
But this is the age of word paintlng" Go
ahead
Repdrter-How old are you. doctor?
Doctor-Well, you need mt mention 1t to
the ladies but I'm in my eighty-seventh
year.
Rep0rter-You are wonderfully hale
looking man for that age. Excuse me-
doctor; but do you take your own medi>
ciues?
Doct0r-l do, young man, perhaps if
did not shouldn't be the "hale fellow, well
met YOU seem to think me.
RepOrter-l can remember your remedies
ever since | was boy. Are they still as
popular as ever?
Doct0r-Unlsss my ledger and bank
account deceive me, young man, their sales
has been steadily increasing for more than
twenty years.
Reporter-How much, at a rough guess,
have you expended 10 advertising during
that period
Doctor-In round numbers, about a
million of dollars. 1t costs a great deal to
guide the people to health through the news.
papers The tolls on the turnpike of the
press are pretty heavy.
reporter = Yes but it's the only road BY
which good thing can reach the goal OF
ance What remedies are you preparing
now?
D0ctor-Four "Hoohsnd's German Bit
.ers." Hoofapd's German Tonic" Hoof
lands Greek Oil" and "Hootisnd's Podo-
phyllin (extrsct of Mandrake) Pills"
Rep0rter-I should like to have q brief
account of the nature of these remedies.
Doctor Certainly. The Bitters is COM
posed of fluid extrsct-the active principle
of roots and herbs grown in Germany. 1t
contains no alcoholic stimuiaDt and is the
most potent general remedy known for
Dyspepsia, Liver Complaint, Jaundice, De
biIity and all diseases of the digestive and
7ecretive organs.
Reporter-The "Tonic" is made from the
same Ingredients, and is intended for the
same class of ailments, ia it not?
Doct0r-Yes; but it contains in addition
q certain amount of pure Santa Cruz Rum,
the finest stomachic In the world, where q
ditfusive s,imusnt is necessary 1t is also
delightfully."- favored with aromatic extracts
agreeable to the palate. and is intended to
take the place of the Btters in cases where
there is lack of constitutional vigor and
vitality 1t is also a powerful blood depur
ent. and purifier of all the animal fuids.
Reporter-Well doctor, and what is Greek
Oil?
Doctor-The great antagonist of pain. 1t
instantly Alevates the torture of Rheuma-
tism, Neuralgia, Toothache. Headache,
E.rsche, Sprains, Bruises and the like.
Pain cannot long exist when it is properly
applied.
Reporter Pills, doctor, what are
they?
D0ctor-A compound of five vegetable
extracts. The alcoholic extract of Man
drake, called Podophyllin which acts on
the liver as powerfully as Mercury, without
sny OF the evil effects of that pernicious
mineral, is the mos. important. OF the
others, one acts upon the stomach, two upon
the upper and lower bowels, and the re-
naming one renders the operation OF all the
rest painless. Used In connection with the
BItters and the Tonic, they are an absolute
specific for Liver Complaint, Dyspepsia and
Constipation. Indeed know of no disc ase,
not organic, which can withstand the alters
tive and renovasing action of these three
remedies.
Reporter-These are certainly remarkable
statements. Can you establish them by
competent proofs?
D0ct0r-Proofs sir-look here taking
down from shelf thick quarto volume,
and displaying its contents.) This contains
over i've hundred testimonials, and | cas
show you several more volumes Of the same
size, if you will step into my library in the
next room. Here (surning over the leaves)
you see, are letters of the strongest character
from Hon George W Woodward. formerly
Judge OF the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania
now member of Congress; Hon. jaime,
Ihompson, our present Chief Justice; Hon
Heorge sharsvood, Justice of the Supreme
Court; Hon W f Rodgers. Mayor Of Buf
ial9; Hon. James NJ. Wood, ex Mayor o
Williamsport, Pennsylvania: Rev. Wm
Smith, pastor of the Passyunk Baptis
Church; Rev J. S. Herman. OF the German
Reformed Church and hundreds of othe,
dislin nuuished citizens ClaaaA -