davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14
NUMBER fl
.sWHO DID THATs.,

The Pittsburg KaH tells this story
In this city there is private board
ing house which is kind of rendeZ-
vous for young men. Sometime ago
the landlady made purchase of some
butter. Among the lot was q lump
rather aged. 1t was put on the tables,
but no one there took butter. The next
day it was put on another table. So it
passed around unmolested, and at the
end of week the landlady was puzzled
to know what to do with it. It cost too
much to be thrown away, SO she took 1t
and padded it over into another shape,
making it more round, and in no re-
speot similar to its former appearance.
1t appeared in its bran new dress at
dinner that day, but with the same cold
reception. Around it went again day
by-day, from one table to another.
One day don't-care, jolly fellow, al
ways ready and eager for some mis-
chief, watched his opportunity, and
when the landlady happened to step out
of the dining room for a moment, he
took the big ball of butter, which was
then soft enough to hold itself together,
and threw it against the ceiling, where
it struck in a kind of hemisphere. The
landlady entered just moment later,
and her attention was attracted to the
unusual situation of the butter, by the
giggling and tittering of the boarders
'Who did that ?" she screamed in ter
rible rage. She repeated her wrathy
question several times without an an
swer, when the fellow who had done
the mischief looked slyly up at the grea
sy substance, and said, "Speak, butter
you're old enough to talk for yourself.
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14
A GOOD RECOMMENDATION.

A patent medicine vender in one of
our principal cities was dilating to a
large crowd upon the wonderful effiea-
cy of his iron bitters, pronouncing them
the great panacea, and all potent in
building up an ''iron constitution"
"That is so-that is so," said q by
stander. "What he tells you is a fact,
gentlemen, every word of it."
"Hear that, will you ?" cried the de-
lighted quack; "here is living testimo-
ny right before your own eyes-a man
who has used the bitters, and can rec
ommend them"
"No, not exactly that, replied the old
fellow; "I have never used the stuff
myself; but, you see, Steve Jenkins did,
and they just saved his life"
Allows that ?" questioned some one.
"Well, you see, Steve had taken the
bitters Just one week before he was
showed in prison for murder. He was
stripped of everything in the shape OF
iron about him, and yet he made bar
and worked his way out"
probably he had whisky enough in
him to furnish bar, . suggested a wag.
mo, but he didn't" retorted the first
"He had been taking this mans iron bit
tiers, dye mind? and what does Steve
do but open q vein in his arm, and take
iron enough out of his blood to make q
crowbar, and pried the gates open with
it, and let himself out. Fact
The medicine man" subsidized.
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14
MCMAHON AT SEDAN.

a French officer, escaped to Belgium,
says: '"To relate what McMahon did Is
impossible. Steel, fire, melted metal,
explosive balls, and don't know what
other internal mixture the Prussians
there made use of for the first time, ap-
peared to stream off, or to rebound from
him, like hail from a roof. He went to
the front seeking death. Leave me,
friends he said to US all, who sought
to prevent him from going forward.
Let me show those kings, those princes
who hide behind their masses of men,
that a Marshal of France knows how to
fight, and, when beaten, how to de-
And he smiled upon us n sad smile,
which made us weep, and redoubled our
rage. All, miserable rabble. We kill,
we massacre, and the living seem to
spring up from the dead which we heap
around US. We climbed little noun
tain of dead that we might reckon how
long the butchery would last. My sa-
bre, broken and reeking, fell from my
hands when 1 saw what masses we bad
still to deal with. The plain, the hori-
zon, was black with dust. We were but
ants in huge ant hill. Marshall / said.
I'VE have at least 100000 men before us.
No. he replied gently; 100000 At
that moment cloud passed before my
eyes, and we went mad. We regained
our senses only when we found our
selves beyond the hordes of Uhlans who
attacked us. We had been fortunate
enough to reach the Belgian frontier
We were safe; but at what a sacrifice. >
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14
To THE READER.

Mark Twain publishes in the Buffalo
EGpTess his first war map. His explain
alton is better than the map. Here.it
is:
TO THE READER.
+ The above map explains itself.
The idea of this map is not original
with me, but is borrowed from the ITi-
6une and the other great metropolitan
journals.
claim no other merit for this pro-
duction Gf l may so call iI), than that it
is accurate. The main blemish of the
city paper maps, of which it is an imi-
tation, is, that in them more attention
seems paid to artistic picturesqueness
than geographical reliability.
Inasmuch as this is the first time ev-
er tried to draft and engrave map, or
attempted anything in the line of art at
all, and the concentrations the work
has received and the admiration it has
excited among the people, have peen
very grateful to my feelings. And it is
touching to reflect that by far the most
enthusiastic OF these praises have come
from people who know nothing at all
about it.
By an unimportant oversight I have
engraved the map so that it reads
wrong end first, except to lefthanded
people. l forgot that to make it right
in print it should be drawn and engrav-
ed upside down. However, let the stu
who desires to contemplate the map
stand on his head or hold it before her
looking-glass. That will bring it right.
The reader will comprehend at a
glance that that piece of river with the
High Bridge" over it got left out to one
| side by reason of a slip of the craving
tool which rendered it necessary to
change the course of the river Rhine, or
else spoil the map. After having spent
two days in digging and gouging at the
map, l would have changed the course
of the Atlantic Ocean before l would
have lost so much work.
/ never had so much trouble in my
life as did with this map. l had heaps
| of little Notifications scattered all round
Paris, at first, but every now and then
my instruments would slip and fetch
away whole miles of bat cries and leave
the vicinity as clean as if the Prus-
| slams had been there.
The reader will find it well to frame
this map for future reference. so that il
may aid in extending popular intelli-
gence and dispelling the wide spread
ignorance of the day.
MARK TWAIN.
OFFICIAL COMBINATIONS.
1t is The only map of the kind ever
| saw. U. S. GRANT.
1t places the situation in an entirely
new light. BISMARCK.
cannot look upon it without she'd
| ding tears. BRIGHAM Young.
1t is very nice, large print.
NAPOLEON.
My wife has for years been afflicted
with freckles, and although everything
was done for her relief that could be
| done, all was in vain. But, sir, since
her first glance at your map, they have
entirely left her. She has nothing but
commissions now. j. SMITH.
If had had this map, could have
got out of Metz without any trouble.
BAzAINE.
have seen great many maps in my
time, but none that this reminds me of
TRoCHU.
1t is but fair to say that in some re-
spects it is truly remarkable map.
w. T. SHERMAN.
/ said to my son Frederick William
off you could only make a map like
that, would be perfectly willing to see
you die-even anxious" WILLIAM II.
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14

"Go" AND sCoME.r-eTf you want
your business done," says the proverb
Ego and do it; if you don't want ii
done send some one else" An indolehi
gentleman had freehold estate, produ.
cling about five hundred a year. Be.
coming involved in debt, he sold hall
the estate, and let the remainder 10 an
industrious farmer for twenty years
About the end of the term, the farmer
called to pay his rent, and asked the
owner whether he would sell his farm.
"Wili goa buy it ?" said the owner
surprised.
ayes, if we can agree about the
price,"
"That is exceedingly strange obser.
we'd the gentleman spray tell me how
it happens that while / could not live
upon twice as much land, for which ]
paved no rent, you are regularly paying
me two hundred year for vour farm,
and are able in a few years to purchase
it."
.sThe reason is plain" was the reply
''you sat still and said 60; got up and
said Come. You lay in bed and enjoy.
ed your estate; I rose in the morning
and minded my business.-Self-He Help.
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14
OLE BULLS CeURIsHIP.

A Chicago Times corrc pondeps ives
this version of Ole Bulls eourtshi
1t seems that at one of his con- IT'S,
after it was concluded, little gin step
ped up to the stage ana sought kiss
from Mr.. Bull. Upon his respol Ing,
a gentleman spoke up and said: .'1 ere's
another young lady here who would
like kiss" Ole Bull was equally gra-
cious in this instance, and kissed the
young lady, who is now his wife. At
forwards, when Mrs. Bull was visiting
an intimate friend of hers, Mrs. 3. +.
Hopkins, Mr.. Bull being then In the
CITY. Mrs. Hopkins said: "Wouid you
marry Ole Bull if you had chance p
"Iudeed, would in a minute" she re-
piled. Still later, the great violinist was
giving his concerts in Madison. He
fonnd especial pleasure in running mp
to the Thorpes to accompany Miss Sa-
rah on the piano. They became not on
ly musical, but loving friends. He ad-
mired her accomplishments and refine
ment. He became an intimate friend
and correspondent of the family. No
one in Madison suspected anything save
a mere matter of musical sympathy and
friendship. The pleasant relations culmi-
mated in the violinist escorting the moth
er and daughter to Europe. Of course
Mr.. Bull did not lose the opportunity OF
taking them to his beautiful estate in
Norway. Here was everything to charm
the eye and ear. 1t is a magnificent
spot, and in its walks and bowers the
smooth-tongued but great-hearted mu-
stefan whispered siren words. He had
travelled the world over, but never had
seen one to entrance him like Miss Sa-
rah Thorpe, of Madison, Wisconsin
Mother and father consented to the I'M
ion, and on a sunny day in June last
when all was smiling with life around
that famous mansion, Ole Bull and Miss
Thorpe were married. They came back
very quietly, and passed through Chi
cago almost without discovery. They
surprised the dead old town of Madison
by arriving there at late hour at night
But Mr.. and Mrs. Thorpe knew that
they were coming, and had called in q
hundred or so OF friends to celebrate
tho avanf
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14
COMMON PHRASES In THE FAR
WEST.

In mining camp in California, when
a man tenders you a "smile," or invites
you to take "blister," it is etiquette to
says "Here's hoping your dirtll pass
out gay" In Washoe, when you are
requested to "put in a last" or invited
to take your Irregular poison" etiquette
admonishes to touch glasses and say,
"Here's hoping you'll strike it rich in
the lower level" And in Honolulu
when your friend the whaler asks you
to take a ''fid" with him, it is simply ct
iquette to say, Heres eighteen hun
dred barrels, old salt. But ''drink hear
ty" is universal. This is the orthodox
reply the world over. In San Francis
CO, sometimes, if you offend man, he
proposes to take OFF his coat, and inquir-
es, ''Are you on it?" If you are, you
can take your coat of, too" In Virgin
ia City, in former times, the insulted
person, if he were true man, would
lay his hand gently on his six shooter,
sis he heeled?" But in Honolulu, if
Smith offend Jones, Jones asks with a
rising infection on the last word which
is excessively aggravating), how much
pounds-and you? 1.-TWO ton to a dot !;
at quarter past eleven this forenoon !;
peel yourself-your'e my blubber."
The sentimental way of asking a per-
son to drink is in the formula, "Sup-
pose we shed a tear" The operation,
strangers it seems, is indentical with ia
king a SMILE" There is a frequent
toast in some places which seems to
contain considerable truth, viz, ''Well,
here's another nail in my coffin" On
the Mississippi river they take a very
practical view of the ceremony, and say
10 their friends, "Won't you come and
wood up" thus implying that strong
potations supply the fuel of life. In
cholera times a false notion prevailed
that inhibition would prevent one from
taking that disease, and popular style
of invitation was, Let's disinfect."
This may as well be Offset by mention
of the Western bar-room salute, Wont
you hist in some pizen?" The last
form, however, is almost too strictly
correct and literal in its character to be
aDprOnriate in this article
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14
WHAT IS THE LANDWEHRa

A writer in the Evangelist, IN an
swer to this question, says:
The present war in Europe is strug-
gle between the military systems. The
French army form distinct body by
themselves. But the Prussian army are
the men composing the Prussian Ma
ton. However the Frenchman may be
first placed in the ranks, after his enlist
ment he is a soldier and nothing else-i
But in Prussia there is no draft, no vol.
unteering, no substitute. On compiler
ting his twentieth year every young man
must enter the army in person. lie re-
mains in active service for three years.
Thus the Prussian army on peace foot
ing consists of all male citizens physi-
cally competent, between the ages of
twenty and twenty-three.
There is class in the Prussian army
who call themselves volunteers. Tho
word, however, has no such significance
with us. 1t denotes merely certain
Young men of family and wealth who
volunteer to pay their own expenses
during their service, instead of draw
| ing equipments and rations. In con-
sideration of this one year is accepted
in lieu of three. Students in the Uni
versity avail themselves extensively or
this provision. They are quartered in
the University town, live in barracks.
| and drill in the ranks in the interval OF
their lectures and studies. But we are
to observe, just here, that none of these
| young men, on completing this prelimi-
nary term of service, are discharged
| from the army. They retain their
place in their old companies and regi-
ments; they are required TO report ev-
cry change of residence, and are simply
absent on furlough. And when they
are summoned to the ranks again, they
are deserters if they do not report
within a specified time. This explains
the marvellous rapidity with which the
army was recently modified. AT tho
first alarm of war, all the young men
between twenty and twenty-five, who
were thus ON furlough, were summon
ed to the ranks. This did not add q
regiment to the army, but simply filed
up existing regiments in all arms of the
service. OF course this suspended all
the universities. There was hardly p
student left. Then the declaration of
war called out the reserves. All men
between the ages of twenty-siN and
thirty-two were first armed. They had
also been furloughed in theory, though
they considered themselves practically
discharged. This army is called tho
LaRdtoehr Of the first class. And al
ready the Ldndicehr Of the second class
has been called, consisting of all men
between thirty-three and thirty-nine.
Probably few of them have been sent to-
the front, but they are massed and rea-
dy, forming an immense and thorough
" trained reserve.
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14

Hoary-headed frosts
Fell in the lap Of the crimson rose.
The spring, the summer,
The Gliding autumn, angry winter, changed
Their wonted liveries; and the mazed world,
By their increase, knew not which was which.
Cholera, the modern Black Death, has
frequently had like concomitants. Start
ing in Asia, the hotbed of pestilences,
the cradle of mans maladies as well as
of man himself, it spread along the Per-
sian Gulf and the Levant, and made the
circuit of the world. Like its malefi-
cient colleague it was accompanied by
weird phenomena, terrestrial and atmos-
pheric.
From these circumstances 1t is con-
Guided that the ills which flesh is heir
to do not originate in man himself, nor
in his neglect of the sanitary conditions
of life, but in some abnormal condition
of the Earth itself-in a sick Earth. If
this theory is correct, who shall protect
us from the exhalations of the DEATH
breathing? What ingenuity of man
shall control these deadly cosmical in
f1uences? Who shall bring healing
when the very Earth that nourishes the
balm in Gilead is sick ?-Chicdgo COn-
7'ieT.
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14

HAD FORGOTTEN SoMETHIEG.-"I say,
cap'n," said littie-eyed man as he land
ed from the steamboat Petona, at Nat
chez-'I say, cap'n, this ERE amt alI.'
"That's all the baggage you brought on
board, SIR" replied the captain. "Well,
see, now, it's accordin' to list-four box
es, three chests, two BAN boxes, a port
manly, two hams Gone part cut,) three
ropes inyons, and tea-kettle; but I'm
dubersum. I feel there's something
short, though I've counted 'em nine
times, and never took my eyes ov 'em
while on board there's something not
right, somehow" "WeIl, stranger, the
times up; there's all know of; SO
bring up your wife and five children
out of the cabin, and we're of" '.Them's
um, darn it, them's uni I knowed I'd
forgot something"
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14

At Sidney, Ohio, on recent even
ing, as Frank Cory entered his room
for the purpose of retiring, he saw q
person in his bed, and supposing some
one had come for the purpose of rob
bling him, he Immediately drew his re-
volver and fired, but missed his mark.
The person shot at attempted TO screen
himself by slipping under the bed, but
Corey fired again, and this time the ball
took effect in or near one of the tenn
pies, and penetrated the brain about
two inches. By this time sister of
Cory had come into the room, and told
her brother he was shooting his cousin.
So it proved to be-a Mr.. Wood, from
Indianapolis-and when Cory ascer-
tanned that fact he became nearly crazy.
Mr.. Wood cannot live.
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14
VOLUME ID.
Proclamation of Election.

/, E. II. Goats, sheriff OF Lyon county, STATE
Of Kansas. in pursuance Of law, do h. reby pre-
claim and make known TO the qualified eiectOrs
~ sand county, that an election will be held al
the usual plares OF citing In each and every
township in "a Il county. on TUESDAY. THE
9TH DAY OF NOVEMBER, A. D., 1870, ai
which election the following officers are to be
chosen. to-wIt:
One member Of the House Of Representatives
Of the United States.
Officers for the State: Governor, Lieutenant
Governor, Secretary Of State, Auditor OF state
Treasurer OF State, Attorney General. Superin.
tendent Of Public Instruction, and one Associ.
ate justice Of the Supreme Court
Also. State Senator for the 18th Senatorial
District, and
Three members Of the House Of Representa-.
tives Of the State OF Kansas-one from each
Representative district, VIZ: the Gath, 65th
and Goth.
AIso the following named county officers
Probate Judge, Clerk OF the District Court
County Attorney, and County Superintendent
Of Public Instruction.
The polls to be opened at 8 O'Clock p. m, and
closed at p. m. Of said day.
Given under my hand this It'll day of Octo
Der, A. ID. 1870, Z. II COATS,
3w1 Sheriff of Lyon Co., Kansas.
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14

The jumping match for 81 900 and the
championship of America came off at
Butterfield's driving track, near Utica,
n. Y, on Friday afternoon, the contest
ants being Edward Sarles, of Sing Sing,
and Charles III. Loomis, of the former
city. The challenge was extended by
Loomis, ascertaining that Sarles had
carried off the laurels from dob" Way
(the then champion jumper by jump
of thirteen feet two inches, made at a
regular match in Binghampton, n. Y, on
the Both of last July.
The affair on Friday was Witnessed
by several hundred spectators, inclu-
ding many ''sports," nearly all of whom
bet their bottom dollar on LOOMS,
whose victory they regarded as certain.
After the preliminaries had been arran-
ged, LOOMS jumped first and covered
thirteen feet one inch and half. Sarles
followed, spFinging over space of
thirteen feet five inches and three quar-
tiers, beating his best practice distance
and making the longest spirit level
stand-jump on record. After several
Intellectual efforts to emulate his rival,
LOOMS acknowledged his defeat.
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14
ROMANCE.
BY OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES.


Oh! she was a maid of laughing eye,
And she lived in garnet cold and high;
And he was thresdbare, whiskered beau,
And he lived in cellar damp and low.
But the rosy boy on cherub wing
Has many a shaft in his slender string,
And the youth below and the maid above
Were touched with the flashing darts Of love.
And she would wake from her troubled sleep,
Ger his tender biiiet-doux TO weep;
Or stand like statue bright and fair,
And gaze on = lock Of his bright red hair.
And he was so tall and so proud,
With his step so firm and his laugh so loud.
His beard grew long and his face grew thin,
And he pinned in solitude over his gin.
But one soft night in the month of June,
As she lay in the light Of cloudless moon,
A voice came floating soft and clear,
To the startled maiden's listening ear.
Oh, then from her ereaking couch she sprung,
And her tangled tresses back she flung.
She looked from q window far below,
And he stood beneath-her whiskered beau.
She did not start with foolish frown,
But packed her trunk and scampered down;
And there was her lover, tall and true,
In his threadbare coat of brightest blue.
The star that rose in the evening shade
Looked sadly down on a weeping maid;
The sun that came in his morning pride
Shed golden light Ger laughing bride.
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14

About ten years ago Mrs. Mead and
aud her infant child were buried at Ell
wood. Since that. time all traces of the
grave had become obliterated. A few
DAYS ago some workmen, while digging
cellar, at distance of same five feet
from the surface, struck the coffin, and
carefully removed it. It had been made
of walnut covered with zinc. All trac-
es of the wood had disappeared, but the
zinc was uniDjused. On opening the
coffin body of the woman was found
in perfect state of preservation-the
face retaining its natural appearance,
and the hair looking as fresh as when
she was buried. The body of the child
was also perfectly preserved, with the
exception of > small hole in the head,
where it had rested against the zine
81. Josanh GGs0Sts.
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-10-14

TRocHU.-The following anecdote of
Gen. Trochu may be read with interest,
at a time when he is called upon to
play an important part in public affairs,
as it shows that he is not less distin-
guished for his private virtues than for
his talents and courage as a soldier. Up
on the death of his father, some years
ago, he became entitled, under the
French law of succession, to a moiety
of the small patrimonial estate in Brit
tany, which was to be divided between
himself and his brother. This brother
had eleven children. The General has
none. He simply remarked that his
brother needed the property more than
he did, and relinquished his share of it.
Not long afterward his brother like
wise died. Upon this occurrence the
General observed that, having no fami-
ly of his own, he was the better able to
provide for that which Providence had
bestowed upon him. He adopted his
eleven nephews and niecea. laid down
his carriage, reduced his own domestic
expenditures, and assumed with cheer
fulness the duty of providing for the
whole of his late brothers family and
household.