The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-10-20
Soissorinotlm,

y New York philanthrOpiSt never has
green peas for dinner without sending tho
pods tothe Destitute Widows Home,
e A certain photograper il Indiana expo
ses delinquent customers BY displaying
their pictures upside down, and labelled
.''not paid. for" cd.
A lady, who was not Shaksperian
scholar, hearing the ssMerry Wives of
Windsor" much praised, asked how many
wives Mr.. Windsor had.
Miss Nancy Jane Smith, of Belfast,
Maine, took arsenic internally TO beautify
her complexion. 1t had tho desired eff
feet, as her corpse was pronounced love
ly one.
A chap who luxuriates in bot weather,
and can stand as much heat as FIRST class
salamander, exclaims, Gwhat a lovely
month is July p And echo answers,
"you liep r-4
Next summers style Of cutting hair
will be as follows: Cut as close as, posai-
Die with scissors and then shaved; head
we'll rubbed with saudpaper and then var
nished.
A wealthy lady, who stays in town,com-
plains Of the people who retro to the
country and leave their domestic cat to
rusticate upon the rear fences and forage
upon friendly neighbors.
A hod.oarrier, few days since, on
wager, carried from the sidewalk barrel
of hourO on his shoulder up to tho third
story Of building, on ladder, and then
returned it to the sidewalk and sold it
for eight dollars.
A yagrant who had been fued every
week for begging asked the magistrate if
hia rates BY the year wouldn't be less.
An. lrishman who was challenged to
fight duel refused on the ground that he
didn't want to leave his mother a lone
orphan. RI as srt ....' rar
A young lady caught smoking q cigar
gave as reason that it made it smell as
though there we're map around.
A Californian contracted with China.
man for building him fourteen houses.
TThe Chnaman hired carpenter to build
the first one, watched carefully every
movement, and then discharged his en-
ployee and built the rest himself.
In Wood county, Ohio, widow wac
introduced to man on Saturday, went
buggy riding with him on Sunday, and
was married on Tuesday. The husband
came home drunk Wednesday night when
she kicked him out of the house and
threw his baggage out after him.
A yacht which is now on it's way across
the Atlantic is so small that the captain
has to part his hair in the middle to trim
ship, and the crew are positively forbid.
den to shift their tobacco suddenly from
one cheek to the other, for fear of upset.
ting the vessel. 40 fins. v t5.f 81,
A man in Norristown now remembers
having said, when he saw Dickens in l842
shat man will die in forty years of tor.
4 pidity of the liver" What makes the
coincidence more singular is, that Dickens
died twelve years sooner Of something
else. ta ~ y
/ A Wisconsin cheese. maker is manufac
turing brand Of cheese which is named
"Truth." That cheese will doubtles.
have great run, as "Truth is mite.y and
must prevail"
i What is the difference between an acci
dent and misfortune2 Ii your duuning
tailor wereto fall in the river, it woulc
be an accident; if any one were to pull
him out, it would be misfortune.
i A New Orleans topper argues that tht
! only safe condition is that of iutoxication
because neighbor of his was drunk fol-
two weeks and went through many periIt
safely, but was killed the very morning
after he became sober. esei sla orr
/ A Boston woman refused to let her hus
band go on fishing excursion, 'heoause
he was very apt to be drowned when he
went on the water, and, moreover, he did
not know how to swim any more than Q
goose" N~'
If row OCCURS in Denver City and ore
man finds it necessary TO disombowel an.
Eother with bowie knife, general answer
is given to those who ask what is the mat.
ter, in these expressive words-"Oh, he.
sprung leak"
! "Gerty, my DEAR" said Sunday Schoo
teacher to one of her class, s'you've beer
been very good little girl to-day" aye.
ma'am, ! couldn't help being good, got
a stiff neck" ai[ ,,asI 9asf'
| | loathe, abhor, detest, despise, abomi.
nate dried-apple pies; l like good bread
! like good meat, or anything that's ft tc
eat, but of all poor grub beneath tho skleI
the poorest is dried apple pies. Give nt
the toothache or sore eyes in preferenc,
to suoh kind Of pics. The farmer take
his nneanect fruit. it's wormy, bitter auc
4 hard to boot; he leaves the bulls to max,
us cough, and don't take half the peeling
off. Then Oh dirty cord they're strung
and from some chamber window hung: anc
then they serve a roost for fies, uutil they
are ready to make pies Tread on m,