davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
voting Wilhout Registration.

The legally qualified voters in the
State who have been improperly refused
registration are preparing their affidavits
of the facts, as required by the terms of
the Enforcement act, and mean to pre-
sent them at the polls on the 9th. The
Supervisors and Inspectors of Election
are bound to receive and count such
votes. If they refuse, they will GER
tainly be arrested and punished in the
United States District Court for their
violation of the law. Nothing can be
clearer than the mode of voting pre-
scribed by the Enforcement act to all
who are illegally denied registration,
without regard to race, color or pre-
vious condition of servitude," and that
mode will be resorted to by all possessed
of the necessary qualifications.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
California Letter.

We direct attention to another inter,
esting letter from our California cores
pendent, which is published this morn
ing: These letters are always well writ;
ten aud full Of fresh and interesting
gossip about the Pacific coast. Our ex
changes seem to appreciate this fact, for
they republish large extracts from
"BLUEpEARD's' letters, but without usu-
ally giving either the pseudonym OF
the writer or the name of the paper il
which the letters first appear.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
Washington County, Pa.

The official Democratic majority for
McCLELLAND in Washington county,
Pennsylvania, is Three Hundred and
Sir. MCCLELLAND's majority in the
district will be about Eight Hundred,
where the Radicals had, two years ago,
eleven hundred and twenty-three. Let
the Democrats of West Virginia take
courage. The tide Of victory is swell
ing and will bear up our little Ship Of
State" on the 9th.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
WE HAVE list RECEIVED

WE HAVE JUST RECEIVED
S Pieces Black eros Grain silk extra
Pieces Black Gros Grain SIX at sl.2O,
$50, Sl.75 and s2.C0.
20 Patterns Irish Poplins at sl.25.
10 Pieces Valour Poplins ut sl.25.
50 Pieces more of those Mohair Lustres al
SOC.
70 Pieces French Merino at 75c.
An endless stock of Plaids at 25 q, 80, 75c,
Sl.00 and $50.
10 Pieces Waterproof at Sl.O0.
All kinds of DOMESTIC GOODS sold nj
New York wholesale prices, SO look out:
Yard wide Bleached Muslin at Zoe.
" " Brown al lUc.
Ginghams from IL TO lic.
CalicOs for &, 7, 8, III and lie.
All best makes Merrimack,)
Cocheco, 3l2lIc.
d" Spragues,
Flannels of all kinds at -, y, 20 and SIC.
Shawls of every make and style, from
Soc to any price you want to pay.
Boulevard Skirts from sl.25 10 500.
-, Balmoral for Zoe. .,.... c..,,
meres, Ladies' Underwear, Gloves, Jeans,
Gents Underwear, Tweeds, Velveteeps,
Notions, &c.
We have the agency for the Celebrated
THfRTY-THREE PER CENT!-That has
played out.
We propose to keep an attractive estab-
lishent and not mere repository shop for
old Questionable and unSaleable goods,
but comprises an unlimited stock of the
most beautiful, desirable and recherche
articles To be found i'm the manufactures Of
London, Paris, Vienna, Berlin, and other
parts OF Europe, as well as choice speci-
mems of American skill, industry and taste,
which have come into the hands of first
class houses. JOHN ROEMER x CO.,
Nos. 81 and % Main street,
octl7 South end of Stone Bridge.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
I" Par Mobile Fratrun.S

The Enquirer say: "A writer in the
Indianapolis Journal who was twice
drafted in the late war, but managed to
wiggle out of the performance of his
duty, can find but this to say OF General
LEES death"
General Robert E. Lee the military
chief OF the rebellion, and a prominent
Democratic leader, died yesterday. II
is charity to make the occasion of his
death the occasion for saying nothing
of his life"
This man, and the editor of the In.
telHgenesr, are the only ones we have
heard of who refuse to render to Gen.
eral LEES noble manhood a tribute OF
praise, They make a lovely pair.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
discussions i'm the 10th District.

Hon. HENRY G. DAVIS and Hon. W.
Fl. H. FLICK, candidates for State Sen
ate will speak at the following times
and places:
PAW PAW STATION, Morgan
county, October II, at 10 clock.
BERKELEY SPRINGS, Morgan
county, October Is, at 2 o'clock.
PIEDMONT, Mineral county, Octo,
Der l9, at y o'clock.
NEW CREEK, Mineral county, Octo,
Der 20, at o'clock.
FRANKFORT, Mineral county, DC.
tober 81, at o'clock.
HEADSVILLE, Mineral county, DC
tober %, at 10 o'clock.
ROCKVILLE, Mineral county, DC
tober %, at y o'clock.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
COL BENJAMIN WILSON
AND
e. A. DUNCAN. ESQ.

Will address the people as follows:
EAST WHEELING, Monday even
ing, October H.
RONEY'S POINT, Tuesday after
noon, October Is.
GLENN'S RUN SCHOOL HOUSE,
Wednesday afternoon, October 10.
NORTH WHEELING, corner Wash
ington and Market streets, if the even
ing is pleasant, and TURNER HALL,
if the weather is inclement, Wednesday
evtning October 10.
WEST LIBERTY, with DANA l..
HUBBARD, Esq, Thursday afternoon,
October 20.
TRiADELPHIA, Friday afternoon,
October 81.
CAMERON, Saturday, October %
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
The Negro Vote in Ohio.

The Cincinnati Tines Republican,
estimates that but for the negro vote,
the Democratic majority in Ohio would
have been at least ten thousand. This
shows what effect the policy Of the
Radical party has had upon the white
vote of the State. But for the en-
reimbursement of these rOting machines,
the Radical party would have been
defeated IN Ohio as it has been in In
diana.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
Spread the Truth.

Some medical men insist that 1t Is undig-
nified to advertise remedy, however val.
liable ii may be. Queer reasoning this. II
Is like saying that an article which the
world needs should be hid in a corner-that
benefits and blessings may be too widely
diff'used-that the means Of protecting and
restoring health should be a close Inonop-
oily, and not accessible to all. The argu-
ment is bad. 1t is worse than that, IL is
i,homU,. Suppose Hostetter's Stomach
Bftters-an absolute specific for dyspepsia,
biliousness and nervous debility-had
never been known beyond the repertoire of
the faculty, what would have been the con-
sequence? Instead of curing and invigor-
ating millions, the good effects OF the prepa-
ration would have been confined TO q COM
parative few. There is the highest author
ity for saying that light should not be hid
under bushel; that whatever is excellent
should be placed rs city on hill, where
all men can take cogniZance of IL. 1t Is
upon this principle that the Bitters have
been advertised and continue TO be adver-
tised in every newspaper OF any promi-
hence in the western hemisphere, and that
the spontaneous testimonials in its favor
have been translated into all written ham
guages. Thousands enjoy perfect health
to-day who would be languishing on beds
of sickness If the newspapers had not spread
the truth ,rifh regard TO this tneQ,dled tnri9oT-
ant and correcfipe far and wide. Suppose
profit has been reaped from this publicity.
Is that any argument against 1t? If the
public health has been protected; II lives
have been saved; If the feeble have been
strengthened and the sick restored, 9redd
good has been accomplished: and who so mean
as to grudge to exertions thus directed their
fair reward?
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
w. III. OLDHAM, ESQ.,,
AND
w. III. WHITE, ESQ.,.

Will address the people Of BROOKE
county, as follows:
SHORT CREEK HOUSE, Monday
evening October, II.
WELLS SCHOOL HOUSE, Tues
day evening, October Is.
STONE SCHOOL HOUSE WedneS-
day erening, October l9,
FOWLER'S, Thursday evening Octo-
Der 20.
SCHOOL HOUSE near Jones Mill,
on Castleman's Run, Friday eueaing,
October 81.
BETHANY, Saturday afternoon, DC,
t0Jcr %.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
GEO. %. DAVENPORT
AND
p. G.. SIMPSON

Will address the people of HANCOCK
county, at
FAIRVIEW, Mondag evening, Octo,
Der IL. .-
ASBURY'S SCHOOL HOUSE,
Tuesday evening, October Is.
MACK'SSCHOOL HOUSE, Wednes-
day evening October 19.
WASHINGTON SCHOOL HOUSE,
Thursday, October 20
HAMlLTONTOWN, Friday evening,
October 81.
NEW CUMBERLAND, Saturday qt
terYoon October %.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
SPECIAL NOTICES.
Getting Married.

ESSAY FOR YOUNG MEN,. ON SOCIAL
EVILS, and the propriety or improprie-
ty Of getting Married, with sanitary help
for those who feel untitled for mat
rimonial happiness. Sent free, in sealed
envelopes. Address HOWARD ASSOCIA-
TON, Box P, Philadelphia, Pa.
sepl7d&W
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
j. III. GOOD, ESQ.
James Heryey, Esq,
AND

James Hervey, Esq,
Will address the people of BROOKE
and HANCOCK counties, at
POOR FARM School House, Non
day ecening, October II.
GOOD WILL School House, Tuesday
eUening October Is.
ROBlNSON'S School House, We'd
neSddy ecening, October 10.
reaches School House, Hancock
county, Thursday evening, October 20.
FREEMANS LANDING, FRIDAY
evening, October 81.
HOLIDAYS COVE, Saturday at:
tcrpoOR, OctO6er22.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17

/, DKBINGS VIA FUGA CURES ALI
lave, Kidney and Bladder Diseases, Or
ganieWeaknezs, Female Affections, General
DDeoiiity, and all complaints Of the Urinary
Organs, in male and female.
yhCe VIII also Be paid for any case Of Blind,
bleeding or Itching PILES that DEBIs0s
FILE REMEDY fails 70 cure
DKBISGB MAGIC -LINIMENT cures
Rheumatic Pains, Sprains, Bruises and
Swelled Joints, in man and beast
boid everywhere. Send Tor Pamphlet
LABoRAToRY-I2F Frankfort street,
aprb BalttIuf re Nd.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
Democratic Meetings,
EVERYBODY INVITED.
HON. JOHN j. JACOB

Will address the people as follows:
HARMON'S MEETING HOUSE,
TYLER county, Tuesday, October Is.
NEW MARTINSVlLLE, Wetzel
county, Wednesday, October l9.
FAIRVIEW, Marshall county,
Thursday, October 20.
TRIADELPHIA, Ohio county, Fri,
dag, October 81.
HOLIDAYS COVE, Hancock
county, Saturday, October %.
WELLSBURG, Brooke county, Tues,
Say October 25.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
First Ward Meeting "Wednesday
Evening.

Preparations are being made for the
meeting in the First Ward next We'd
nesday evening. 1t will be held at the
corner of Market and Washington
streets and promises to be a. complete
SUCCESS
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
Meeting nj Frank Walters

A Democratic meeting will be held
at,
FRANK WALTERS, Saturday al:
ternoon, October %.
Good speakers will address it.
This is in place of the meeting here
tofore announced for the same place.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
Democratic Mass Meetings

Will be held at NEW CREEK,
Tuesday afternoon, October 25th, and at
PIEDMONT, Tuesday night, October
18th.
Distinguished and eloquent speakers
will be present and address the people
at the times and places noted above.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
COLONEL ID. ID. JOHNSON.
r. q. CRACRAFT, Esq,
Lewis r. Newman

Will address the people at the follow
ing places in Marshall county:
SAND HILL SCHOOL HOUSE.
Tuesday cuenirg, October Is.
RUTHS MILL, Wednesday evening,
October l9.
WOLF RUN SCHOOL HOUSE,
Thursday evening, October 20.
HARSH'S, Friday ersniag, October
q.
RAMICK'S BARN, Saturday qfter-
noon, October %.
BENWOOD, Saturday night, October
90.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
For Sale.
Union street Property for Sal,
T. .. q. f..
EXCURSION TO STEUBENyILLE

DANOLA LODGE, NO. Il, l. o. o. F.,
of this city, proposes to pay visit TO
Jefferson and Good Will Lodges OF Steuben-
VILE on Tuesday, October 18th. They ex-
tend hearty invitation to the members OF
sister lodges In good standing TO accompany
them on the excursion. Those designing
to take part in the festivities will meet at
Odd Fellows Hall at 5 o'clock Tuesday
afternoon. The train will leave Bridgeport
at $40 p. NJ. By order
octI7 COM. OF ARRANGEMENTS.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
Personal.

We sincerely regret to learn that Mr.
HENRY S. WALKER, of the Charleston
Courier is seriously i'll.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
DANAL. HUBBARD
]. III. GOOD.

VIII address the people of LIBERTY
township, at
CENTER SCHOOL, Monday evening,
October "a, at 81 o'clock.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
Elm GrnYe Meeting.

A Democratic meeting will be held at
ELM GROVE, Tuesday afternoon, OctO-
Der %. Good speakers will be present.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17

AsPARAGus.-An English writer
states that, by removing the seed from
asparagus-plant the "heads" are much
stronger and come earlier.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
OYSTER DEALERS.

OYSTERS,
" Oysters!
oysters!
Oysters,
Fresh Can Oyster
Received daily at Nos Washington Hail
Binding. by W. H. WOODS,
Agent for F. KING & CO.,
Baltimore, Nd.
RFCelebrated "FAMlLY BRAND" q
speciality. oc4
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
r. G. CRACRAFT,

Lewis r. Newman. Esqrs,
HANEYTOWN, Monday evening,
October I'm.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17

The afternoon meetings will COM
mence promptly at u o'clock, the even
ing meetings at 81. The friends in the
respective localities are expected to
make all necessary arrangements and
have out good crowds.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
Democratic and Conservative
State Ticket.

FOR GOVERNOR,
JACOB, of Hampshire County.
FOR SUPREME JUDGE,
C.P.T MOORE, of Mason County.
FOR AUDITOR,
EA. BENNETT, of Marion County.
FOR ATTORNEY GENERAL,
JOSEPH sPRIGG, of Hardy County.
FOR TREASURER,
mo. s. BURDETT, of Kanawha Co.
FOR SECRETARY OF STATE,
JOHN NJ. PHELPS, OF Mason County.
FOR CONGRESS-.
FIRST DISTRICT,
JOHN ]. DAVIS, of Harrison County.
SECOND DISTRICT.
y. d. DOWNEY, of Mineral County.
THIRD DISTRICT,
FRANK HEREFORD, OF Monroe County
Ohio County Democratic Ticket.
STATE SENATOR,
LEWIS BAKER.
MEMBERS HOUSE OF DELEGATES,
X. G. BARR,
JOHN FAIRS.
+. q. CRACRAFT,
sHERIFF,
THOMAS p. SHALLCRoSS.
CLERK OF THE CIRCUIT COURT,
b. A. GALLIGAN.
RECORDER,
ROBERT b. WOODS.
PROSECUTING ATTORNEY,
J.H. GOOD.
ASSESSORS,
GEORGE HOOK-City District.
JOSEPH BURROWS Country District
COUNTY SURVEYOR,
NJ. T. CARR.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
RONEYS POINT MEETING,
Train from Hempfield Depot
at one o'clock.

A SPECIAL TRAIN WILL LEAVE THE
n Hempfield Depot at one o'clock, pre-
Democratic meeting at Roney's Point.
There will be band OF music on board the
train, good speaking at the Point, and an
enjoyable time generally.
Round trip, BIC. octl7
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
For Rent.

A sToRE-ROOM AND DWELLING ON
n Main Street, a few doors south OF r.
VI. Bassett's Dry Goods Store, Centre
Wheeling. Also, at private sale, counters.
shelving, show cases, boxes for shelving,
&c, &c; will be sold at a sacrifice. Rent
low and terms reasonable. For Particular
apply at the ONCE Of Armstrong, Coen a
Co. Planning Mill, or TO -
WM- n. KENNEDY,
Bof streets. rr',s
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-10-17
JOHNW. HORNER, ESD,

viii sneak at the following times and
places in WETZEL COUNTY:
f.MORGAN'S MILL, Monday, Octo-
Der l7h. =
And with Hon. j. j. Jacob, al
HARMON'S MEETING HOUSE
Tyler county, Tuesday, October 18th.
NEW MARTlNSVILLE, Wednes
day, October 49,
FAIRVIEW, Wetzel county, Thurs
day, October 20.
And with j. w. GALLAHER, Esq.
at LYNN CAMP, Friday, October q
Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-11-24

captain sailed away. Returning home he
was waited on by the builderand the new
mansion visited Its exterior was quite
correct, pretty green blinds, neat door,
with trellis and all complete, and SO were
first floor, entry and rooms. The captain
was profuse in concentrations. And
now" said he, I'VE will go up to the
chambers"
"All right" said Shayings, "come out
side to the ladder"
"Outside. why, Chips, what dye mean
by that? / want to go up stairs"
Cant do that, sir, there are no Stair"
!" No stairs!' exclaimed the astonished
mariner, no stairs"
NO." replied the imperturbable build
er, "you refused to have single thing
put in not down in the plan, and that con-
tanned no stairs. Obey orders II you
break owners"
The captain was fairly caught, for in
his drawing he had utterly forgotten this
important portion of his dwelling and
his peppery temper had prevented the
carpenter from pointing ii out to him..
Since then, 1t is said, the captain always
gets in passion when any one stares at
him -Boston Commercial Bulletin.
Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-11-24
The Horses Foot.

THE majority of people are fond Of q
very large foot, but we are certain that 1t
is great mistake. Leaving the diseases
to which it Is exposed out Of the question,
we look upon it as an indication that all
the bones of the animal are soft and por-
GUS, A moderate sized, neatly-propor-
toned foot is just az good a sign in the
horse as in the man. If we were chOos-
ing man for walking, running, leaping or
wrestling, we would never think Of select
ing fellow with clock-killing platters Of
feet He would no sooner make his ap-
pearance than he would be rejected as
totally unfit for the work. Why, then,
should we prefer similar development in
the horse? Does he not require wear
and-tear sort Of foot as much as the man
He surely does and one, too, that he can
lift and lay in lighter manner than if it
were fifty-six pound weight he had at
tached to his leg. The horse is not intend
ed for passing over moving sand or a
quagmire, and therefore he does not re-
quire an enormous foot In this instance,
as in MANY others, the medium size is far
the best. In fact, it is the only safe one.
A foot which Is either very large or very
small, is liable to a variety OF diseases,
which will be sure to impair its usefulness.
The one extreme is nearly as bad as the
other. The bones Of the foot should bear
a reasonable proportion in size TO the bones
of the leg and the hoof should be just SO
large and so strong as to afford perfect &C
commodation and protection to all the
bones, ligaments, vessels and nerves which
are contained within its walls Any de-
Walton from these proportions must be
looked upon as Radical defect.-I'rairie
EIyner.
Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-11-24
Hints TO Night.Watcbers.

A person who is sick enough to need
night-watchers needs rest, and quiet, and
all the undisturbed repose he can get II
one or more persons are in the room read
ing, talking, or whispering, as is often the
case, this is impossible. There should be
no light burning in the room unless IL be a
very dim one, SO placed as to be out OF
sight Of the patient. Kerosene oil should
never be used in the sick-room. The at
tendant should quietly sit or lie in the
same room, or, what is USUALLY better, in
an adjoining room, SO as to be within call
If anything is wanted. In extreme cases,
the attendant can frequently step quietly
to the bedside to see if the patient Is doing
well, but all noise and light should be caro-
fully excluded. til Is common practice
to awaken patients occasionally for fear
they will sleep too soundly. This should
never be done Sleep is one of the great
est needs Of the sick, and there Is no dan
ger Of their getting too much of it.-Her-
aid 0f HEALTH t
Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-11-24
Built According to Contract.

PEOPLE who have built houses for
themselves, and in the never varying ex-
perience of all, overrun the contractors
estimate, may find some consolation in the
fact that there was one man who had his
house built exactly as he ordered it, and
didn't alter line of his original plan, or
overrun the original contract price.
This was peppery old sea captain,
who sketched out his own plans, being
something of a draughtsman, of his mod.
est two story, green blinded wooden man
sion, and summoned his carpenter and de.
manded what he would charge 10 build a
house for him exactly after that plan, TO
be done in six months. -
But captain" said the knight of the
foreplane, "there are DO"
"Don't bat me-" exploded the captain.
~ want the house just according to my
plan"
Certainly" said Shavings, "but you
win let me put i'll
Not one single thing" reared the
captain. II pay you to build the house
exactly e. I have drawn the plan. won't
have anything, put in; obey orders Il you
break owner"
"Very vel, 20 be IT," said ehavings,
rather nettled, and the price was fixed Tor
. dwelling, exactly according to plan, 70
b nnishsd in six, month"; time. and The
Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-11-24
kalkulashuns, Etc.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

When yu see a fox ov geese all standing
on one leg, except the old gander, and he
chawing hiz cud, look out for southwest
wind tew morrow, or the next day, or the
day after or at sum fewter time. When
ever dogs are seen travelling around with
nothing to do, and old maids refuse their
tea, and hop vines wont klimb, and grind
stones wont grind, then yu may expekt
lite crop ov oats, and beans wont pay for
harvesting.
Wanted.-Wanted several fust class yung
men, with mustash, tew hang around the
vestibules ov different churches in amerika
and stare ut the females as they pass out.
Yung men who understand the use Ov
tobacco preferred. No yung man accepted
who kant stare the brass buttons oph from
a military coat at twenty PAGES This IL
rare chance for yung men ov real genius.
Salary payable weekly. References ex-
changed.
It Is human to err, but deyilish tew brag
on it.
A gentleman liza gentleman the world
over; it il only the loafers that differ.
To learn dog tew follow well, tie him
to the hind end of an express train.
Tew get rid of cockroaches, sell yure
house and lot, and flee tew the mountains.
A dog is the only thing on this earth
that luvs va more than he luvs himself
Opinyuns are like turnips, worth what
they will fetch
When WI find man who IL very solisi-
tus about the welfare ov everybody, yu kan
safely put him down az one who is hunt
ing for misfortune.
Gravity IL no more positif evidence ov
wisdum, than paper collar IL ov a shirt.
Every time man laffs he takes kink
out ov the chain ov life, and thus length
ems 1t.
don't kno ov ennything more remorse-
less on the face of the earth than Z per
cent. interest.
Three skore years and ten IL a mans
firlo and it liz enuff--if man kant suffer
all the mizery he wants in that time he
must be numb.
Whenever minister haz preached a
sermon that pleazes the whole congrega-
shun, he probably haz preached one that
the Lord won't endorse.
Sekrets are kussid poor property emmy
how; if yu cirkelate them yu loze them,
and if yu keep them yu loze the interest
on the investment