The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-02-08
H U M 0 RoUS ITE MS

have nothing to do; and l conclude be-
cause l have nothing to say"
say- A person pretending to have seen
ghost was asked what the apparition
said to him.
How should I know ?" he replied II
am not skilled in the dead languages"
Bay Whose pigs are those, my lad ?'
Why, they belong to that ere big
SOW"
No, [ mean who is their master p"
Why, that little 'un; he's a rare 'un
to fight"
Dsa5~ Biddy," said lady to her SER
want, II wish you would step over and
see how old Mrs. Jones is this morning"
In few moments Biddy returned with
the information that Mrs. Jones was Just
seventy-two years, seven months and two
days old.
Rg~ "My dear Ellen" said young
man, " [ have long wished for this sweet
opportunity, but | hardly dare trust N.Y.
self to speak the deep emotions of my
heart; but [ declare to you my dear FL
len, that L love you most tenderly. Your
smiles would shed-would she'd"
"Never mind the acood She'd" said El-
len, but go on with your pretty talk"
Dsay" Twenty years ago a Connecticut
man left watch with a jeweller to be
cleaned and repaired, saying that he
would be in town in day or two, and
call for it. Last week the man called in
at the jewellers and asked: "Do
you remember my leaving watch with
you number of years since, to be clean
ed ?"
YES" replied the jeweller, "and here
it is.'
g9~ An imaginative young man, la
boring over the gradual encroachments of
womankind on masculine territory in the
matter OF dress, breaks into song as fol-
lows:
"They took our coats-at first we hardly missed
'em;
And then they aped our dickeys and cravats;
They stole our sacks-we only laughed and kissed
'em:
Emboldened, then they stole our hats;
Until, by slow and sure degrees, the witches
Have taken all-our coats hats, boots and
breeches !"
Rsg~ The following note was lately sent
to practicing physician by suffering
patient:
HOLMES TOWNSHIP,
Crofurd Co., Ohio.
Dokter, Sir, want yu to Cend Me
sumthin to cure a breakin' out awl over.
| cant tell yu what it is, but it burns and
iches. The wife thinks it is the Each.
but | don't think it is, but you're the phe-
sishsion and send me sumthin to Mock it
higher than hamdn.
You're friend
BasH An inveterate stammerer one day.
upon journey, stopped to dine at ho-
tel. On attempting to help himself to
pepper at the dinner table, he found, af-
ter violent shaking, that there was no
pepper to be had. He turned around,
and, beckoning to the waiter, commenced
waiter, this pep-pep-p-p-
pep-pepper is som-som-something like
me-"
why so, sir ?"
" Po-po-poor delivery"
That pepper-box was soon filed.
Bay- A Cincinnati correspondent, re-
turning from the East, was about to file
himself away in one of the railway pigeon
holes of a sleeping car, when the somno-
lent passengers were reused by the voice
of huge Kentuckian, who, holding upa
pillow between his thumb and finger,
roared out to the attendant:
I" [ say, you boy come back and take
this away"
"What for, sab ?"
because I'm afraid the darned thing
will get in my ear"
B9s~ Harry M'Arthy used to tell of an
Irishman who was seen at the trenches of
Yorktown holding his hand above the
earthwork His captain asked:
Al n