Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1870-10-06
Memoranda.
HOW EDITED AN AGRICULTURAL PA. |
PER ONCE.
By MARK TWAIN.

nO" EDITED AN AGRICULTURAL PA
PER ONCE.
! did not take the temporary
editorship of an agricultural pa
per without misgivings. Neither
would landsman take command
of ship without misgivings.-
But | was in circumstances thai
made the salary an object. The
: regular editor of the paper was
going off for holiday, and l &C
cepted the terms he offered, and
took his place.
The sensation of being at work
again was luxurious, and
wrought all the week with unHag.
ging pleasure. We went to press,
and / waited a day with some SO.
licitude to see whether my effort
was going to attract any notice.
As l left the Office, toward sun
down, a group of men and boys
at the foot of the stairs dispersed
with one impulse, and gave me
passage way, and l heard one or
two of them say: "That's him!''
| was naturally pleased with this
incident. The next morning /
found a similar group at the foot
of the stairs, and scattering COUP
les and individuals standing here
and there In the street, and over
the way watching me with In
terest. The group separated and
fell back as | approached, and l
heard a man say: "Look at his
eyer pretended not to observe
the notice / was attracting, but
secretly l was pleased with it, and
was purposing to write an account
of it to my aunt. / went up the
short flight of stairs, and heard
CHEEKY voices and ringing laugh
as | drew near the door, which |
opened, and caught a glimpse of
two young, rural looking men,
whose faces blanched and lengthen-
ed when they saw me, land then they
both plunged through the window,
with a great crash. / was sur
prised.
In about half an hour an old
gentleman, with a flowing beard
and fine but rather austere face,
entered and sat down at my in
vitation. He seemed to have
something on his mind. He took
off his hat and set it on the floor.
and got out of it a red silk hand
kerchief and a copy of our paper.
He put the paper on his lap, and,
while he polished his spectacles
with his handkerchief, he said:
care you the new editor?"
/ said / was.
"Have you ever edited an agri-
cultural paper before?"
"No," said /; "this is my first
attempt"
every likely. Have you had
any experience in agriculture,
practically"
"No, / believe / have not"
"Some instinct told me so"
said the old gentleman, putting on
his spectacles and looking over
at me with asperity, while he
folded his paper into a convenient
shape. 81 wish to read you what
must have made me have that In
stinct. 1t was this editorial
Listen, and see if it was you that
wrote it:
"Turnips should never be
pulled-it Injuries them. 1t is
much better TO send boy up and
let him shake the tree.
"Now what do you think of
that?-for really ] suppose you
wrote it2"
"Think of it? Why, l think
it is good. / think it is sense
| have no doubt that, every year,
millions and millions of bushels
of turnips are spoiled in this
township alone by being pulled in
q half-ripe condition, when, if they
had sent a boy up to shake the
tree -.
"Shake your grandmother
Turnips don't grow on trees"
"Oh, they don't, don't they?
Well, who said they did? The
language was intended to be igu-
rative. Anybody, that knows
anything. will know that | meant
that the boy should shake the
vine"
Then this old person got up
and tore his paper all into small
shreds, and stamped on them, and
broke several things with his
cane, and said / did not know as
much as a cow; and then went
cut, and banged the door after
him, and, in short, acted in such
a way that | fancied he was dis
pleased about something. But not