Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1870-08-18
MISCELLANEOUS E
A DENTISTS OATH-By Gum.
Oup pSuZ mn ~ Chi

lin O6lLJhhN .
A LIGHT EMPLoYMENT-Candle max
ing.
BURNING WoRDs-A Dictionary in
flames. nj o. f.-.sII
TIE most difficult thing to remember
the poor. . vas
"No honeymoon" is the last marriage
announcement.
} THE FRsT EvE-ANeELICAL ALLIANCE
Adams marriage in Eden. 4
ILLUSTRATION FOR A CoPY-BooK-Pro-
c~rastination picking Times pocket. I
THE P~LEAsANrEsr TAx-Life Insur.
The Company-the Washington
Life, of New York.
How to scrape an acquaintance-get a
situation as an assistant in a Turkish
bath. r-
THE dividends of the Washington Life
are made and paid in cash or insurance,
annually from date of policy.
A WIFE asked her husband If druggists
kept dye-stufs for sale. He replied ::
"Most druggists keep little else but die
stuffs." fl1izig BE E,-c "a
Two certificates of death in the San
Francisco coroner's office read: @Ded
from rapture of the head" and "Sufo-
Gated from eating poison"
THERE is a farmer in Yorkshire who.
HAS u III "a Liz A0n1O a L I'll
long, and he has four boys and four girls.
Eight furlongs make n mile. sifiiE III 4
A VOICE comes from Washington Ter
ritory, saying, "Send us wivesP' And a
thousand unhappy Benedicts respond,
Take oursr"
IRRITATING THE FEELINGs.-After roll
ing all night in your berth at sea, till you
are miserably sick, to have a steward ask
you in the morning. if you will have q
fresh roll for breakfast. ~
/, Ar Bucklin, Mo-, lately, a had was bit
ten on his foot by a common gray spider
and in a few days modification took
place, and large pieces of flesh dropped
out, SO that his foot had to be amputated.
A MAN was drowned in the North
Branch at, Chicago the other day, and the
police sergeant wrote to the captain: 81
have the honor 60 report that the coroner
is desired tomorrow to hold an. inquest
on the North Branch of a dead body,''
No bull of Irish extraction can excel
this of Corbette. In one of his "Rural
Rides" he says: 81 saw no corn standing
ricks; a thing l neyer'saw before, and
would not have believed it had I not
seen It," sg ~ L-4I ~ ,
A SCHOOL committeeman, not over a
thousand miles from Newark, in making
some remarks at the close ofan examina-
ton of a school, thus complimented and
criticized the scholars : "You read wen,
and you spell well, but you hain't sot
still" 1851 @sEf' -JA-I
MoTTo FOR AWATcH.-
q Onward cstf8!{ gaiJ-E t.-
I ? Perpetuany moving, --
These faithful hands are proving 6af
How swift the hours steal by
Is oftentimes methinks repeating lis
"Swift, swift the hours do fiyi
Ready, ready, perhaps before eA
These hands have made
One revolution moTe,----@.sI
Lies spring is snapt,
You die.
A CLERK in an Erie hotel has a mag
nificent scheme in view. It is a circular
hotel, to rest on a pivot like a locomotive
turn-table The object is to give every
most invariable -request) by assigning
guests to the places then in front, and
turning them to the rear upon the advent
of others.
"PARsoN, 1 would much rather hear
you preach" said a baff1ed, swindling
horse jockey, " than to see you interfere
in bargains between man and man.
"Well," replied the parson, Hfyou had
been where you ought to have been, last
preach" "Where was that ?" inquired
the jockey. "In the State Prison." re-
turned the clergyman.
ALADY in Pennsylvania recently had
her eYesight restored by an operation, at
ter having been blind for several years.
The first thing she did after objects be-
came visible, was to sit down and read a
number of letters which she presumed
had been sent to her husband by ladies
during her blindness. The feelings of the
poor woman can be better imagined than
described when she found that her jeal-
ousy had been occasioned by a number of
coal and washing bills.
AFEw weeks ago, as an omnibus dashed
up to one of the Long Branch hotels, a
lady's hat blew under the wheels, and
was crushed. Her display of good. nature
over the accident so struck an English
lord that he sought IN introduction, and
1t is now stated that not a blu drives up
to a Long Branch hotel but that the
ground is so covered with hats that the
driver can't get down until a small boy
shoVels them into a hand-cart.
THE London Globe is responsible for an
item, in which a German gentleman, find
ing that his wife had eloped with a fast
friend of his, pens the following note to
the destroyer of his domestic peace: T" Sir,
I have for some time wished to get rid OF
my wife. Eight days since she was bit
ten by a mad dog, and I AVE been wait
ing with resignation for the usual results.
You will stand by her, n help her In
her sad plight. FAREWELL" Haitian hour
after receiving the communication the
ardent lover e1oped again, but quite alone.
Persons similarly afflicted, please copy.
AN economical Frenchman recently
sought to blend the useful and the senti-
mental by turning the grave of his Ia
mented wife into an onion bed. He has
been equalled, if not surpassed, by an
economical Englishwoman, who makes
her husbands epitaph serve as a business
bulletin in this wise /: "Died, on the 18th
ultimo, at his shop in Fleet street, Mr..
Edward Jones, much respected by all who
knew and dealt with him. As a man, he
was amiable as a halter, he was upright
and moderate. His virtues were above all
price, and his beaver hats were only Ell As.
each. He has left a widow to deplore his
loss, and a large stock to be sold cheap for
the benefit of his family. He was snatched
to the other world in the prime of his life,
and just as he had concluded an extensive
purchase of felt, which he got SO cheap
that the widow can supply hats at a more
moderate charge than any other house in
London. His disconsolate family will
carry on the business with pu~uctualitY,"