The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-08-04
Phunnyisms.

Do not triAe with an accountant, for
when he stings he'll sting like an adder.
There is man in town so bashful that
he never gets acquainted with the facts.
Thieves do not have a very quiet life Of
it, Notwithstanding they take things so
easy.
The man who sat down on a paper of
tacks said they reminded him of the income
! tax.
Why"was Robinson Crusoe's man Fri
day like a roosterl Because he scratched
for himself and crew.so.
"When," writes an Irishman, eve shoot
landlords, we are called Irish; but when
We shoot the enemies of England, We are
English soldiers"
An old gentleman who resides near Bos-
ton never has green peas for dinner with
out remembering the poor by sending the
pods to the orphan asylum.
A loving woman at Long Branch said
"The horrid surf makes me keep my mouth
shut" Sarcastic husband remarked,
"Tako some of it home with you"
Van Amburgh's lion tanner entered the
cage at WOodsfold, but came out imme-
diately with alacrity, leaving the seat of
his trousers to amuSe the animals.
During an examination, medical stu
dent, being gasked the question, "When does
modification ensue :" replied, "When you
pop the question, and are answered "No."
Pittsburg has real nice pous old lady
under arrest for stealing large illustrat-
ed Bible; she said hers was too fine print
and she couldn't get any consolation out
of it.
An assistant marshal, in taking the GEN.
sus in louisville, asked colored woman
what personal property she possessed, and
received the sober reply: "Nothing but
desc three chillen yere, and they amt
wuth much"
Theodore Clay, the late son of Henry,
used to remark while in the asylum, that
''it was very good boarding house, but
some Of the boarders were the biggest fools
he ever saw"
"My boy" said clergyman, to a boy
who was fishing OF pier one quiet Sab
bath, "don't you know it's sin to catch fish
on Sunday!" "Guess hain't sinncd much
yet" said the boy without taking his eye
from the cork, "hain't had nibble."
Col. Higginson, in his recent book gives
the following sentence from a patriotic
speech made by an enthusiastic negro :
''But we'll neber desert the old flag, boys,
neber. We hab lib under it for eighteen
hundred and sixty-two years, and We'll
die for it naw."
An anatomical observer asserted, few
days since, that there were four hundred
and eighty nine thousand eight hundred
and ninety-one feathers on the wings of a
butterfly. 81 don't believe it," said one
of the hearers. "Then count them your
SELF" was the reply.
In Iowa a merchant sent dunning let
ter to man, who replied by return mail
"You say you are holding my note yet
That is all right-perfectly right. Just
keep holding on to it, and if you find your
hands slipping, spit on them and try again
Yours affectionately."
Youthful generosity was illustrated in
Albany recently. A little boy, smcarod
all over with molasses, came running up
from the river, Aourishing dirty shinglc
and screaming at the top of his voice to a
comrade: "0h, Bill! Bill get as many
boys and shingles as you can, TIERS big
hogsit of 'lasses bursted on the pavement
busted all to smash"
In novel, in circulating library, this
passage was marked and much thumbed
"There is no object so beautiful to me as a
conscientious young man. | watch him
as do the star Of heaven" "That is my
view exactly" sighed Miss Josephine
Hoops, as she laid down the volume. "In
fact | think, there's nothing so beautiful
as young man, even if he amt conscien-
tious :"
A religious woman who always kept
Sunday and washed o. Monday, and in fact
all the rest Of the week, as she was wash
erwoman by occupation, had managed to
save money enough to erect neat little
homestead, when along came a tornado
and left her cottage a wreck. The old
lady's indignation was at first unspcakable
but at last she sobbed, "Well, here's a
pretty piece of business. No matter
though; Pll pay for this-hereafter III
wash on Sundays"
A good story is told of two Irishmen
members of the famous old Sixty-nintl
Regiment ofNew York which distinguish
ed itself so much in the late war. They
were having pretty jolly time; and aftel
getting we'll warmed up, Patrick says
"Jimmy, we must give toast to the ole
Sixty-ninth." "And sure Patrick, W,
must, and here goes 'Here is to the glo
rious old Sixty-niuth, the last to GO int
battle, and the first to lave" "Ah, no
) Jimmy, that is not good; that will neve
) do. Twill give one Here is to the glo
rious old Sixty-ninth, aqual to none"