North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1870-01-05
WHOLE No. 800.
The Lawyers and the Cats.

| Two Arkansas lawyers were domesti-
Gated in the rude hotel of country town.
The hotel was crowded, and the room al
lotted to our two heroes was also occupied
by six or eight others. Shakedown beds,
enough to accommodate the guests, were
disposed about the room, against the four
walls, leaving an open space in the centre
of the apartment.
Judge Clark lay with his head to the
north on one side, and Judge Thomas lay
with his head to the south, on the other
side Of the room. So far as that room
was concerned, it might be said that their
heads represented the north and south
poles, respectively.
| All the other beds in the room were
occupied. The central part Of the room
was deemed neutral ground, in which the
occupants of the different beds had equal
rights. Here in picturesque confusion,
lay the boots, hats, coats and breeches of
the sleepers. There were no windows, and
though the door was open, there being no
moon, the night was very dark in that
room.
The willy lawyers, who had been oppos-
I, ing counsel in a case tried in the town
court that day, and had opposed each 9TH
er with the contumacity of wild pigs,we
the very incarnation of meekness, for
when the hungry swarm of mosquitoes
settled down and bit them on the one
cheek they slowly turned the other to be
bitten also.
But hush hark
A deep sound strikes the ear like ris.
ing knell
"Me-ow.ow
Judge Clark and Thomas were wider
awake, and sitting bolt upright in an
instant.
Again the startling cry!
"Ye-ow, ye-owr'
''That's id catv' whispered Clark.
"Scat you ~ Kissed Thomas.
Cat paid no attention to those demon
strations, but gave vent to another yowl.
"Oh Lord ~ cried Clark, II can't
stand this Where is she, Thomas
"No, she's on your side," said Clark.
"Ye>ow-ow-owl" !"
"There, told you she was on your
side," they both exclaimed in breath.
And still the "yowl' went on.
The idea now entered the heads Of both
the lawyers, that by the exercise of certain
strategy they might be enabled to execute
flank movement on the cat, and totally
demoralize him. Practically each deter
mined to file "a motionto quash' the cats
attachment for that room.
Each kept his plan to himself, and, in
dark, unable to see each other, prepared
for action.
Strange as it may appear, it is neverthe-
less true, that the same plan suggested
itself to both. In words, the plan would
be about as follows:
The yowler is evidently looking and
calling for another cat, with. .Iwhom he
has made an appointment.
l will initiate cat, and this cat will
think t'other cats around. This cat will
come toward me, and when he shall have
arrived within reach, I'll blaze away with
anything can get hold of, and knock the
music out of him.
So each of the portly Judges, noiselessly
as cream comes to the surface of milk,
hoisted himself upon his hands and knees,
and, hippopotamus fashion, advanced to
the neutral ground occupying the central
portion of the room.
Arriving there, Clark selected boot
jack, and Judge Thomas heavy cowhide
boot from the heap, and settled themselves
down to the work.
Clark frightened his grip on the bootjack,
and throwing up his head, gave vent to
prolonged and unearthly "Ye-ow ow -
that would reflect credit upon the largest
kind of cats.
"Aho," thought Thomas, who was not
six feet away, She's Immediately close
around. Now I'll inveiglc him I" and he
gave the regular dark call of feminine
cat.
Each of the Judges now advanced
little closer. and Clark produced ques-
tioning SOW ! OWL!
Thomas answered by areassuring Spur
ow pur-ow!" and then advanced little
more. They were now within easy reach,
and each imagining that the cat had but
moment more to live, whaled away, the
one with his boot, the other with his boot
jack.
The boot took Clark square in the
mouth, demolishing his teeth, aud the
booIack came down on Thomas bald head
just as he was in the midst of triumph
ant "Ye-ow ~
When lights were brought, the cat had
disappeared, but the catastrophe was in
opposite corners of the room, with heels
in the air, swearing blue strcaks.
Inc other AFTERNOON, In buffalo, an ex-
cited individual with we'll known carpet
bag in one hand, an umbrella in the 9th.
er, and shawl hanging over his arm,
accosted one of the street gamins at the
corner Of Main and Exchange with the
question: "Say, bub which's the quick
est way for me to go to the Erie railroad
depot?"
"Run!'' was the laconic response.
Soak some blotting paper in strong
solution of saltpetre dry it, take piece