Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1870-03-10
EPAMINONDAS SPARKES.

- ii had better come OFF IN the apple tree"
boston AdUsrtiser
EPAMINONDAS SPARKES.
"Now take care of yourself Fanny
said Mrs. Sparkes to her husband, as, in
somewhat airy costume, she stood upon
the doorstep Of Primrose Villa, Primrose
Road, Noting Hill, on the Goth of April,
1856, at four o'clock in the morning
A smack followed these words, from
which it will probably be inferred that d
chaste salute succeeded them.
A moment more and he was gone
Clad in the martial garb OF the 9Oth
DiddleseX Rifle Volunteers, full private
Epaminondas Sparkes passed out Of the
little wicket which gave access to the
grass plot he called his garden, and struck
his padded chest wildly with his fist, as
he shouted out, at the top of his shrill
and somewhat cracked voice
My homes on the ocean wave,
My hearts on the Vastly deep,
Where England's banners brave
Ihe foes thet round them sweep
This was hardly the fact, however, con.
sidering that Epaminondas, who was are
tired grocer mad never been on the sea at
all, but he was naturally too much excited
TO be careful in his statements, for it was
the day of the great Volunteer Review,
and the Goth DiddleseX were to assemble
at the Victoria Station at five a, m, and
to proceed to Brighton together.
The sparrows, who had only lately
awakened, wero chirruping Justify as
Epaminondas stepped briskly down the
road, and seemed to the animated grocer
TO furnish delightful chorus to his song
All things in short, wore an aspect of
c0'leHr de rose.
But as he had a long day before him,
and as his legs, instead Of being long, were
short, Epamnondas took bus, which, in
reference to this very event, was plying
thus unusually early on this particular
morning
The inside was full 80 he had to go out
side Now no one knows who hasn't
tried it, how awkward a thing rifle is
to carry about to those not much used to
it,
So Epamiuondas thought.
In clAmbenng up to "the knife-board,"
nc contriycd to give the conductor severe
blow with the nutt.end of his weapon,
thereby kuoCkU his hat off,
"Now, then, upidp exclaimed the
aggrleycJ cad, What do you mean by
that"
40, I'm sure beg parding,' said Epam-
inondas, turning suddenly round, and
thereby forcing the mu2zle of his rifle into
the face of afeilow passenger
"l'll tell you what young chap said
this latter, burIy individual, who looked
like prize fighter, speaking very slowly,
and st the same time, by sudden jerk
snatch ny the weapon violently out OF his
hand, you amt tic to be trusted with fire.
arms--you amt; you'll kill somebody
aiore the days out, / know"
Epaminondas turned very red, as he
measured the braWny proportions OF the
speaker and hesitated to begin personal
contest with him. Besides, the knife
board Of an omnibusis such an awkward
place tor such struggle
at is inglorious to struggle with such s
low fellow he said to himself, as an ex
cuse for a more pacific policy.
Come, my man, give me my gum h(
called out, lottily
"And what if dont?' said the low in
diyidualin question.
Then pll-call the perlice,' muttere(
EpaminondaS
cure nice young man to fight tht
RoOsians, pursued the aggravating prize
fighter as he handed back the rifle, with Al
air of condeseension, amidst the Suppressed
litter of the bv.standcrs, or rather by
sitters. why don't you stay at hom
with your mammyF
Epaminondas took no notice of thcs
remarks, but endeayored by an lllassumc,
air Of lofty Indifference to impress hi
te,lowpasScngers with general impress
sion OF his own superiority. Nevertheless
he was not sorry when he reached hi
destination, and observed various in
divdua,s, dressed like himself, standin
about the station; he paid his fare some
what hastily and descending from tn
root ct the conveyance with care, holdm
his rifle glnserly in his hand, disappeare
within Its portals. As he did so, he hncie
his ears caught the sound of a forced an
unnatural M OF coughing, in which hi
late antagonist INDUCED, and which ar
p8arcd TO him Ike parting maledictioi
Brighton on the day OF the review
as full Of life rs an egg Is full of mca
The hotels arc crammed, and tn
streets iammcd, with people, Volunteer
in various costumes, and with side.arn
(when are arms not side arms $
parade the elih, and determination
SO rife among them, that the
consider il right to walk four, if not ST,
abreast upon The pavement Brghto