The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-12-13
H U NJ 0 RoUs MS.


sir. If you go one way it's on the left;
if ye go the other way it's on the right"
Ra- Col. Susan B. Anthony has been
speaking good deal lately, and has
caught what is called minister's sore
throat" She has never been able, how
ever, to catch the minister himself,
RGy- A Davenport, Iowa paper tells ola
colored man who was 'caught in the gear
ing of brick machine, and crushed to
jelly. The negroes are trying to sell the
remains of the deceased as blackberry
jam.
g@~ "Well, my child" said lady
teacher of Sunday School class one
Sunday, | am pleased to see you are
getting to be a better boy" Why,
miss" said the lad, with grave earnest
ness, d" amt been sick"
A@- Two Irishmen, travelling, we're
robbed and tied in the woods. One in
despair cried, "Och, Pm undone." Och,
you're undone !" said the other, " Fax!
then, | wish you'd come and undo mev,
sGg- Tom, twitting Sam on the extraor-
dnary size of his understanding" said
to him:
You must take cold easily, Sam; I
should think you would be sick nearly all
the time"
GLOW so ?" asked Sam.
Why" replied Tom, because there
is so much Of you on the ground"
B&- John" said a master to his ap-
prentice, as he was about starting on
journey, lyon must occupy my place
while | am absent"
Thank you sir" demurely replied
John would rather sleep with the
boys"
" You haven't got such thing as a
pair of old trousers, have you ?"
"No, my man." said the merchant g
don't keep my wardrobe in my counting
house"
Where do you live ?" rejoined Pat,
land I'll call in the morning for the
ould pair you've got on 2"
RsS" Mrs Partington on reading an
account Of Il schooner having her jib-
boom carried away in Long island Sound
one night, recently, wondered why peo-
pie would leave such things out O doors
nights. to be stolen, when there were so
many buglers about, flterin2 everything
they could lay their hands to-"
Ba- An advertiser in an English news
paper, offered for IA small remittance. to
explain how great deal of money might
be saved. A too con6diug gentleman
sent the required amount, and received
the following directions: Never pay
a boy to look after your shadow VIII le
you climb u tree to look into the miGde
Of next week"
Bas" A queer looking genius inserted
his head into an auction store, in Ihila-
delphia, few nights since, and thus adj
dressed the knieh of the Hammer
Sir, can bid 7"
Certainly" replied the auctioneer.
"Then." said the wag, Il bid you
goodnight" and walked off.
D@- There. is a little railroad near
Bayou Sara, louisiana, that runs to Wood
vile on very uncertain schedule A
stranger came in the other day ahd in
quired how often the steam car made
trips to the country. The party interro-
gated said, tri-weekly" Nv hat d. ,ou
mean by tri-wcekly?" The answer WAS,
1t goes up one week and tries to come
down the next week"
BGS~ The following verdict was render
ed in Calhoun county, Illinois Kurners
Verdict-We, the jurys, find the deccsed
man kun to his death from the ham Of
sum unbeknown person, with an unaw-
ful iron wecping-named axe tn
hickory handle; which unlawful wee,-
ing was used with dedly intent to kill tie
killed Ded Man. p S-We, the Iorsed
and undersigned jurys, hopefully beheye
that the Ded Man was beheaded by the
sed Axe.
D6r Two ladies, in New York. were
talking about the sparrows and their use