Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-02-04
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

| "A AlChLloH OSiIION- upOa
trifles
PAY down when you buy, and you
won't have to pay up by-and-by.
EVERY person on earth must be under
cloud !" sometimes.
THE WOMAN QUESTION" Is that back
hair all your own? ?"
A GOOD RULE-To keep good company,
and be one of the number.
WISE men insure in the Washington
Life Insurance Co., of New York.
WHEN apprentices desire most to travel
When they become journey-men.
"MEIN HERR, do you know what for
we call our boy Hans?" II do not,
really" swell, I tell you. Der reason
that we call our boy Hans is-it is ish
name"
| ASTONISHING fashions in spring hats
and bonnets are promised. Perhaps the
bonnet will be worn under the chin, and
bow-not tied on the top of the head.
THE New York E1ening Post says: III
any very small boy asks what fruit is like
the site of the United States Naval Acad-
envy, tell him an apple is"
A VERY VULGAR SELL You ought
not to come to our dance in boots with
nails in 'em." "I haven't" "Then you've
had your toes cut of.."-Punch.
| SOMEBODY says that Ike's last trick was
to throw Mrs. Partington's gaiter into the
alley, and call the old lady down from the
third floor to see an alley gaiter.
A CORRESPONDENT of the Country Gen.
tlenaan thinks if fruit trees were planted in
stead of naples, we could have shade, Or
nament and fruit
JOSH BILLINGS says: "The mewl is a
larger bird than the guse or turkey. 1t
has two legs to walk with and two more
to kick with; and it wears its wings on
the side of it's head"
HAVE made sufficient examination of
the condition of the Washington Life In
surance Company of New York to war
rant me in taking a policy of Twenty
Thousand Dollars. EDWARD F. JONES,
Pres. Jones' Scale Works.
New York, 1869.
EMILY Qittle sister)-What large fam
lily the spinsters must be. hear in church
every Sunday that some of them are going
to be married. Frances (elder sister)-Oh,
you little stupid. Don't you know what
spinsters are? Bachelor ladies, of course.
DENTIST. "My dear woman, if you
kept your teeth clean you would have less
toothache." Lady. "But, doctor, they
say that washing teeth wears them out"
Doctor. "Good gracious, madam hope
you don't think that way when anything
ails your feet"
REFERRING to the remark of the
woman's paper in New York, the RevoIu-
ton, that if the accounts men give of the
heavenly state be true, we shall have some
wrongs to right in the next sphere" the
New York Tribune very ungallantly says
If that isn't adding new terrors to death,
we should like to know what would be"
SEVERAL persons have lately been ar
raigned il York County, Maine, for viola
| ton of the liquor law, and much ingenu-
| ity was manifested by their customers, in
evading the truth before the court. One
man, an unusually tall one, before starting
for court, stretched himself out on the
family cradle and had his wife rock him,
and then went and testified he had not
drank anything intoxicating since he was
rocked in the cradle.
GAN English gentleman entered bar
berss shop at Calais, and addressed the
barber: 81 am delicate about the skin
Shave me without cutting me, and I will
give you sovereign. Cut me, and-here
| are two loaded pistols p The barber,
nothing daunted, shaved the delicate skin
with admirable skill. "Humph!" said the
Englishman, "then my pistols did not
alarm your" emo, sir" dAnd why nots''
eff my razor had slipped" said the bar
Der, az should have finished by cutting
your throat" The Englishman disap-
peared
THE following letter comes to the sur
face in Texas paper: GALVESTON, Jan
uary the 18th, 1870. My Lovin Wyfe-Ime
comm ONE mex week an kav forgiv you
for jawin me. I'll come on the o'clock
trane and shall stay ONE hereafter & tri
to be altered man.. want peace and
so do yew; why shoodnt we love each
uther, as we use ter when we were first
jined together in the wholly bands of mad
lock, I've jined a temperance society but
if you ever" jaw me agin for cummin ONE
i'll wallap you like CITY fur we must heve
peese as grant ses."
Two females in New Orleans were ar
rested for a breach of the peace. "What
did you fight about?" asked the justice.
"Mr. H." was the reply. where is he?'
he demanded. "Here," responded small,
squeaking voice from the far corner of the
room. "Here, Your Honor" and poor,
woe-begone looking article made his ap-
pearance. "Do you claim both of these
women as your wife?" the Recorder asked.
"Well, AIRY one of 'em IL do!' "Why do
you have two wives?" "Well, you see,
when one gets obstropercus 1 kin go to
t'other, and she most generally pities me.
"SERvE him right" said Mrs. Punch,
impatiently throwing down the paper con-
tanning the report of breach of promise
case, damages e250 ~ don't care about
a woman who brings an action of the sort,
but man ought to be punished for writ
| ing such idiotic love- letters"
Logical as ever, my adored," said Mr..
Punch: "but it is in the fitness of things
that love-letters should be idiotic. Love
is a brief Every brief madness. Would
you have Hanwen edit Euclid"
"But a man needn't write Now, my
dear Jane sixty times in one letter, and
cover it with stars that mean kisses"
"Would you have him.send French cpl
grams, or an analysis of the result of deep
sea soundings for mollusks?"
"I'd have him rational"
"Then, my worshipped, he had better
postpone love-letter writing until after
marriage"
"Well," said Mrs. Punch, smiling,
"perhaps that would be the best way.
But then they would never be written st
ALL"
"Aaad achose fault mould that be ?" said
Mr. Punch, escaping from the room
Punch.