Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1870-04-13

NO. SO.
The Distrikt SkOOlmssteP.

Thare IL one man in this basement world
that l always look upon with MKT feelings
ov pity and respect.
But thare IL one man in this world to
whom l alwus take oph mi hat, and re-
main uncovered until he gets safely by,
and that is the distrikt skoolmaster.
When | meet him, look upon him as
marter just returned from the stake, or on
hiz way thare to be cooked
He leads more lonesum and single life
than an old bachelor, and more anxious
one than an old made.
He IL remembered just about as long
and affecktionately az a glide board IL by
travelling pack peddler.
If he undertakes to make his scholers
luv him the chances are he will neglect
their farming; and if he don't lick them
now and then pretty often, they will soon
lick him
The distrikt skoolmaster amt got
friend on the fiat side ov earth. The boys
SNOWFALL HIM during recess. the girls put
water in his hair die, and the skool COM
mittee make him work for half the money
a bartender gifts. and board him around the
naborhood, where they give him rhy
coffee, sweetened with molasses, tew
drink, and kodiish bawls three times day
tor vittles,
And with all this abuse, never heard
ov distrikt skoolmaster swearing any
thing louder than-Condemn it.
Don't talk tew me about the pashunce
Of anshunt Job. Job had pretty plenty ov
biles all over him, no doubt, but they were
awl ov one breed.
Every yung one in distrikt school IL .
bile ov different breed, and each yung
one needs different kind ov poultiss tew
get a good head on them.
A distrikt skoolmaster who duz n square
job takes his Goldfish bawls reverently. and
il a better man today tew hav lieing around
loose than Solomon would be, arrayed in all
his glory.
Solomon was better at writing proverbs
and managing large family than he
would be tew navigate distrikt school
house.
Emmy man who haz kept distrikt skool
for ten years, and boarded around the
neighborhood, ought to be made u major
general and hav penshun for the rest ov
hiz natral days and hoss and wagin tew
dew hiz going around in.
But az a general consequence distrikt
skoolmaster amt got no more warm friends
than an old blind fox-hound haz.
He il just about az welcum az tax
gatherer IL.
He il respekted good deal az man
is whom we owe a dept Of so dollars tew
and don't mean tew pay.
He goes through life on back road. az
poor as wood sled, and finally IL
missed-but what ever bekums Of hiz
remanes / kant tell.
Fortunately, he il not often sensitive
man il he was he couldn't emmy more keep
a distrikt skool than he could file kross
kut saw
Why iz it that these men and wimmin,
who pashuntly. and with crazed brane.
teach our remorseless brats the tejus
meaning ofthc alphabet, who take the first
welding heat of our destinyes, who lay the
stepping stone and encurridge them to
mount upards, who hav don more hard
and mean work than emmy klass on the
futstool, who hav praid over the reprobate.
strengthened the timid, restrained the out
rageous. and fattered the imbecile, who
had lived on kodfish and vile coffee, and
haint been heard to swear-why il it that
they are treated like vagrant fiddler,
danced to for a night and paid orf in the
morning, and eagerly forgottenp
! had rather burn a coal pit or keep the
flys out ov butchers shop in the month
of August than meddle with the distrikt
skool bizziness.-Josh Billings.