The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1870-12-17
VARIOUS ITEMS.
A musical old maid--Ann Dante.

"A MUSICAL OlO u8lQ-~AU0 x8UtG.
Airy vesture--A shift Of the wind.
Working on the Docis-Running .
medical college.
Why is herb soup the best Of sll soupsf
It is soup herb (superb).
A welcome change-From the horrors
Of war to the hoorUsr Of peace.
what's home without a sewing ma
chine? Shiftless.
Motto for lawyers, be brief; for dec
tors, be patient for rotters, be ware.
Something you are sure to have at
your fingers ends-nails. fs
A spoiled child-the one that plyed
with the keroeene can.
Perkins says he likes dogs in the main,
but not in the manger.
Why is woodchuck like : sausage!
Because il 10 ground hog.
why cannot . leopard be cassa2 Be-
cause he cannot be confined to one spot.
What sort of fruit ii most sought after
by editors? The latest dates.
Moonlight promcnades are tabooed BY
Salt Lake elders
Texas has raised potato weighing
Is lbs.
Syntax-fnes assessed in the police
courts.
Every prudent man of property ought
to maze his will when in good health
William Cullen Bryant, the poet, has
celebrated his 10th birthday.
New York is to have (among its bro
kcrs) base ball club, called the "Water-
ed Stockings"
Paris is 50 very hungry that it ID pro-
posed to eat up the monkeys in the Jar
din des Plantes.
In a Pitssburg rolling mill recently
workman was drawn between the rollers
and crushed to death.
The people of North Carolina com.
plain that their penitentiary is too small
to hold all the villains in that State.
Who killed the most poultry? Ham,
let's uncle, for he did murder most
foul"
The major reason given for the small
vote in Montana is, that nearly all the
males arc miners.
A New York court is engaged in un-
ravcling case wherein man has two
wives and one Of the wives has four hus~
/ bands.
There are thirty-six publishers, with
ST.. 100000 capital, engaged in manu-
featuring Sunday school books in this
country. r
A good many people are coming to the
conclusion that we have too many elec-
tions and good 6eal too much politics
| in America.
New Haven announces the invention
there of "a new style of rocker that win
make the rocking chair greater favorits
than ever"
In New York, the other night, wo-
man was found dead in bed whilst her
husband was stretched on q sofa in the
same room, dead drunk.
In Iowa, the female member Of the
bar addresses herself as an "attorneyess~
at law" but whether she has yet had
"case-ess" does not appear. ha
An editor writes: .The worst species
of newspaper bore is the man who bores
for week for puff" and then calls
to express his dissatisfaction after he gets
it."
A. F. Davidson, Of Marion county, has
brought ripe persimmons into Salem,
raised on his own farm. He. also has
black haws, hickory, white walnut, and
other rare nut trees growing on his place,
all of his planting, from seed nuts brought
from the old States.
The Chicago Post wittily remarks Of
Wentworth, defeated for Congrea in Chi
cago: "Mr. Wentworth is an agricultu-
ralist. As farmer hc Is success, hay
ing raised this year, with the assistance
Of the Tribune and Times. the biggest
beat ever seen in these parts"
A young woman Of Harvard, Massa-
chuseits, finding that her husband had
another wife living, sought out the de-
serted one, brought her and her two
children to Boston, where they are Ill
living happily together.
4 A gentleman recently presented him
self at tho door of French cabinet min
lister, but the guard refused 70 admit him.
1T is all changed here, sir, your friend
has been removed. sImposs,ble ri vas
the answer: s'my friend Is always the
man who is in ONCE"
According to statement made by the
War Department in Berlin, $50, 5000
German troops had crossed into france
on the 10th Of October last or those
740, 600 ere from the different Statss Of
the North German Copfederafiou.
| The rinderpest has extended it, rava-
Ees to Norsheaster. Germany, and i
causing great deal Of damage IL that
country. II has also made il appearnnoa
in Austria, snd the Government ~ that
country has adopted energetic msasurss
to suppress il.
/ As all great warriors have fsesised
surnames from their campaigns, tha "a.
4. Ali