The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-10-18
Perkins Hat.

bachelor, and said to have considerable
property a fact which did not hurt his
popularity.
Now, Mr.. Perkins had few peculiari-
ties among them he had an enormous
head, his hats always having to be made
for him. Then, having got one to fit his
immense Uranium, he took the very use
less precautiou of putting label in the
crown thereof, reading, Ezekiel Per-
kins, Counselor and Attorney at Law,
Hartford, Conn.
His peculiar social failing was, that at
all-stag dinner-parties, he got-well, there
is no use Sinking it-he got rather in
toxicated early in the evening. He,
however, had the faculty of knowing
when he had got as much as he could
comfortably carry, and knowing this, to
take his leave.
One evening, Mr.. Perkins wended his
way to one of the best mansions of Hart
ford He was in full nner-dress-blue
coat with gilt buttons, white vest with
black combinations, and spotless linen.
Lightly he stepped along, his hat little
to one side, swinging his cane, and hum
ming an air as he went. He was in
high spirits, in view of spending an un-
usually pleasant evening-enjoying the
affair in anticipation and how often does
it exceed the reality. Having arrived,
and deposited his hat among number
Of others on the hall table, he in due
course sat down TO dinner.
;olyo,. L.;
the propensity to indulge freely at these
meetings, determined to have bit fun at
his expense. SO, during the time which
occurred before dinner was announced,
he managed to take the label out of Mr..
Perkins hat and affixed it in the crown
Of the smallest hat on the table He then
retired and awaited events The dinner
was as Mr.. Perkins expected-a prime
affair; so that, with the song, jest, wit,
and wine, he found himself at the end of
a capital story by his host, " down to his
bearings" as a sailor would say. Rising
from his chair, carefully steadying him
self by the back, he nodded goodbye to
the host,-he could do no more, and,
eXpatiating on the good time he had had
and the excellence Of that last joke, he
got out Of the room with slight lurch
only and proceeded to get his hat
"'Pon me soul he said, as he craned
and mooned over the table looking for
his hat--"'pon me soul, that's the best
joke | ever heard" His utterance was
rather thick. g Yes, an the bes' dinner
/ was ever at" Here he gave a lurch.
but was steadied by the waiter in attend
ance in the hall. At last, after swaying
about for some time, he detected his label
and, pouncing upon the hat he read aloud
4" "Zekeal Perkins, counser uu-hiccup-
turney-a-law, Hartfud, Connecticut. That's
my hat"
Strai ghtening himself, he endeavored
to put on the article in his usual iaunty
style. 1t wouldn't do He bent to it,
tried both hands held it to his head,
fairly trying to force his head in, sway
ing, rocking, staggering the while; but
it wouldn't do. He was hot and stupe-
fed. He couldn't understand it, Turn
ing to the waiter, whose gravity had
nearly given way at his gyrations, he
said with great politeness, 4" "Will you
oblige me by readin what is in that
hat"
Certainly, sir. Ezekiel Perkins,
Counselor aud Attorney y-at-law, Hartford,
Connecticut.
[ knew it ] knew it. that's it
that's my hat" And Immediately be-
gan the same performance, but with more
energy. After some moments OF stag
gering, pressing, and pulling. until he
was once more at fever-heat, he again ad-
dressed the servant with a still more mys-
tifed air than before, but determination
as it were to know the worst.
| beg pardon, but will you be pleased
to tell who am ?"
" Certainly, sir. know you perfectly
well. You arc Mr.. Ezekiel Perkins
Counselor and Attoruey-at-Law, here in
Hartford"
ell knew it I knew it, That's
right-that's me, and that's my hat but
my heads most awfully sweled."
Riyn Bismark was asked. What will