davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01
MARK TWAIN AS AN AGRIcULTURAL
EnTTnR

4 2
"a Are you the new editor?"
said I was.
"Have you ever edited an agricul-
tural paper before?"
",No," / said: "This is my first at
Tempt
every likely. Have you ever had
any experience in agriculture, practi-
cally?
No, believe have not"
"Some instinct told me so," said
the old gentleman. putting on his
spectacles, and looking over them at
me with esperity, while he folded his
paper in aconVenient shape. 81 wish
to read you what must have made me
have that instinct. 1t was this edito-
rial. Listen, and see if it was you
that wrote it.: @ p
"Turnips should never be pulled
it Injuries them. 1t is much better to
send a boy up and let HIM shake the
tree"
Now what do you think of that ?
for / really suppose you wrote it."
Think. of it? Why, / think it is
good. l think it is sense. 1 nave no
doubt that every year, millions and
millions bushels of turnips are spoiled
In this township alone by being pulled
in half-ripe condition, when, if they
had sent boy UP to shake the tree
"Shake your grandmother Tur-
nips don't grow on treesl"
"oh, they don't, don't they? Well,
who said they did? The language
was intepded to be figuratlye. Any
body, that knows anything, will know
that meant that the boy should shake
the vine" G.,a
Then this old person got up and
,itorsshis paper into shreds, and stamp
ed on them, and broke several things
with his cane, and said 1 did not know
as much as q cow, and then went out,
and in short, acted in such d way that
q faneied he was dfspleased about
something. But, not knowing what
the trouble was, / could not be any
help to him. dHol t8 d9o}1 H
a9 t4}z@ Ynt% tR 4rp@ t0
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01


A FEW Sundays ago, as Mr.. Beecher
was about commencing his sermon. a
stout fatherlyzlooking man was en-
deavoring3 to make his way through
the crowd. to get within better hear
ing distance of the distinguished ora
tor. At that moment Mr. Beecher,s
voice rang out the words of the text
"sWho art thon ?" "Who art thou p
again cried out the dramatic preacher
The stout party, thinking himself in
the wrong, perhaps, by pressing for
ward, and believing himself to be per.
sonally addressed, startled the breth.
rem and nonplussed their reverend
chieftain by sedately replying: "I'n
q pig merchant from Chicago. sir: ]
hope yon amt mad. There amt mar,
chair, or else I'd sot down." zPlym
outh Church didn't recover its sereni
ty for ten minutes. ad 81
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01
2 sovEL IDEA OF FEnrEor1os.

Old Parson sQuigly, who was in
days langsyne, settled in Worthwhile.
was sn original. He was of that stock
of Of clergymen ofwhich the insstiate
scythe of Time has cut down almost
Z the iast.asThe religious society over
which he presided was his society,
and in all things spiritual, as we'll as
in many things temporal, Els word
was law. He was an upright man,
benevolent and Kind in heart; and as
his daily life squared with his teach
lngs, his people were quite willing
that ne should have his way y
ia TWAS the Parsons custom, at the
close of his sermon, to extend to his
hearers the privilege of asking any
question, or questions, that might be
appropriate, and pertinent to the sub
Ject of the discourse. On a certain
occasion 's;a dn, he took for the subject of his
homily, "The Perfection of Gods
Works = and he went on, in his own
quaint and impressive manner, to de-
clare the absolute perfection of all the
handiwork of the Great Supreme, and
ne presented the example of his hear
Ters forthem to follow as nearly as
they could. At the conclusion of the
discourse he extended the usual inyi-
4tation: /: fiany were present who
wished TO question him touching tho
subject matter of the sermon. he
would be glad to listen"
aHardly had the words of invitation
dropped from the preachers mouth
when up rose shoemaker of the vii
lage-a graceIess fellow, who came to
church not oftener than twice or
thrice year, and who seefed at re.
lgion in all its forms. He was man
sadly deformed, bearing the misfor.
tune of a back terribly bumped. In
fact, his shoulders projected above
the top of his head. .@-
Iook here, Passon, he demanded
malevolently, g do you mean to say
thata Gods works are perfect ~,
Certainly" was the mild, but EN-.
phatic response. .slif,qafI
Well" pursued the questioner
stepping upon footstool, SO that his
deformity might be apparent to all
and looking around with an expires.
sion of grim triumph upon his home.
ly face, what dye think of me for
piece of Gods handiwork ?" -
Parsons Quigly looked down upor
the man and with just the least bit 0,
numor peryading the solemn beniqni.
ty Of his countenance, he replied
i,s I think, my friend, that you ar,
the most perfect humpbaek 1 eve
sawn
The shoemaker settled down out o
sight and NO more questions wer,
asked.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01

YANKEE RAT1ocINAT1oN "A distin-
guished clergyman, of the universal
ist discrimination, was accused, while
in Lowell, of violently dragging his
wife from revival meeting. and
compelling her TO go home with him. ?
He replied: "First I have never at
tempted to influence my wife in her
views, nor her choice of a meeting.-
Secondly, my. wife has not attended
any Of the revival meetings in Lowell.
Thirdly. I have not attended even one
of those meetings for any purpose
whatever. Fourthly, neither my wife
nor myself have any inclination to at
tend those meetings. And filthy, 1
never had wife,
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01
HARD TO SUIT.


We have made it interesting for this
Roman guide. Yesterday we spent
three or four hours in the Vatican,
again, that wonderful world of Curl
osities. We came very near express
ing interest, sometimes-eyen admi-
ration-lt was very hard to keep
from it. We succeeded though. No
body ever did in the Vatican mus
Gums. The guide was bewildered-
non-plussed. lie walked his legs off,
nearly, hunting up extraordinary
things, and exhausted all his ingenu-
ity on US, but it was failure; we
never showed any interest III any
thing. He had reserved what he con-
sidered to be his greatest wonder till
the last-a royal Egyptian mummy,
the best preserved in the world per-
haps. He took us there. He felt so
sure, this time, that some Of his old
enthusiasm came back to him.
"Sco, gentlemen.-Mummyl Num-
my =. = Tz85saT Isoa5
The eye-glass came up as calmly, as
deliberately as ever.
"Ah-Furgerson-what did / un-
derstand you to say the gentleman's
name was?
Name The got no name! Num-
my! Egyptian mummy
Yes, yes, Born here?"
aNo! Egyptian mummy"
"Ah, just SO. Frenchman, pre-
sume?"
Nol-not Frenchman, not Roman
born in Egypta!"
"Born in Egypta. Never heard OF
Egypta before. Foreign locality,
likely. Mummy-mummy. How
calm he is-how self possessed. Is,
ah, is he dead 2"
"Oh, sacre ,5leu been dead three
thousan' year,! "
The doctor turned on him sayageIy,
"Here, now, what do you mean by
such conduct Playing us for Chi
namen because we are strangers and
trying to learn Trying to impose
your vile second hand carcasses on
us!-thunder and Tightening, I've a
notion to--to-ife you've got a nice
fresh corpse fetch him ut!-or by
George we1l brain you'll "-Mark
Itrain's Innocents abroad.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01

A BURLY Teutonic, whose taste for
beer could not be disputed, entered
an omnibus one day, with a meer-
shaun in his mouth, and, taking the
only vacant seat, proceeded to roll
forth volumes of smoke. The con-
ductor, seeing this violation of rules
stepped up to him, and said:
No smoking allowed"
The Dutchman, taking his pipe
from his mouth with an air of aston.
ishment, thus replied to the polite
conductor:
81 don't makes no noise ven ]
lischmokes."
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01

Boss, l want twenty-five cents, 2
said jour printer recently to his en-
ployer.s "TWenty-ive cents ?" how
soon do you want it, William ?"-
Next Tuesday week" 5" AS soon as
that? You can't have it; I've told
you often that when you were in want
of any large sum of money you must
give me at least four weeks notice,
for you ought to know that nobody
pays the printers 3.gi - 5ss5'55.'1'. s
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01

A CITIZEN of Buffalo was passing
through one of the back streets of
that city Sunday afternoon, when he
both observed and heard little boy
crying Justify. Approaching the ur-
chin he kindly asked: Why little
boy, what do you want?" Looking
up into the interrogator's face, the
precious juvenile responded, in whin-
ing accents, "I've got the beller-ache,
that's what I want st1a
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01

SOME Wags took drunken fellow
placed him in a coffin with the lid so
that he could raise it, placed him in a
graveyard, and waited to see the eff
feet. After a short time the fumes of
the liquor left him, and his position
being rather confined, he sat upright,
and after looking around, exclaimed :
Well, Pm the first that's riz, or else
I'm confoundedly belated."
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01

WHAT did the spider do when he
came out of the ark? Ans.-He took
a fly and went home. n
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01

TYHEg DAVIS is pronounced by all who use
I them to be the best in the market 1t turns
wide and narrow hens on Straight bias. woolen
or cotton goods without folding or bastlng the
cloth. Sews on all grades of fabric from the
finest lace to harness leather We will take our
$65 machine ami put it in any boot and shoe
clothing man uiitcoory. do all the WORK they
have then take the same machine IN a millinery
or dress making estat,lis ishment and do their
finest work. and all the change we make IN the
machine is to use needles suitable for the goods
Howe Singer 6 Co., and Grover Baker make
three different sizes of machines one Tor heaVy,
one for medium, and one for Light work. These
companies are the only ones that pretend TO
make a man6factory machine we VIII take
orr DAVIS machine and do all the woyk X that
can be done on any Of The three sizes, with as
uc;I ease and less chan ge of attachments, and
we defy their best op-ratorst to work on any fao-
ric superior to the work on the Davis. Heavy
seams are no impedIment; We run over lleIn
without raising the presser-foot, or change OF
tension. and do not drop stitches on the seam
Il will gather and sew on banG at the same
time In Cording, Braiding, Binding, Telling,
Quilting, EmbroIdering, &c. it has no superiol
1t is the most simple machine, and VIII not
wear out in a lifetime Every machine IS war
,ranted, and will be kept in repair, three years
All parties contemplating the purchase OF q
Sewing Machine should not fail to try the DA
Wis Send me your address and viii forward
to you an illustrated catalogue OF styles and
prices. Select from this such style as you Wish,
and will forward it to you for trial, and II Is
suits, after a reasonable trial. on can purchase
it, or return it, at your option 80
Machine Sewing Respectfully Solicited.
An experienced operator will be found in the
Office at all times. Needles, thread, machine
oil. SC for sale at the Office 5aGz
Office and salesroom in Vance 4 Wells Fur
niture Store. Address all orders to .
Messrs. Mcleod 6 Wilson, Agents at Mantua
July 20. 1870 1oo-tf. !, sdI a
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01

WHEN is a ship like an actor? When
she's anchored. sta
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01

EHoR Posters, Hand Bills, Bill Heads, 60
e come the Press Office, on.Chet tnut, Street
north end OF Empire Block.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01

HOME to tn @ Press ONCE on Chestnut Street
~ north end of Empire Block. and get your
Cards printed. ~.
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01

Complete and Warranted Pure.
PRESCRIPTIONS CAREFULLY COMPOUND
+ .-5lI [rshf ED. IniHIi 20 HsA W
And orders answered with care and dispatch at
-.rrs-l BELONGS & ARMSTR0NG'S. Ji
Fruit EXTRACTS for nayoring. o. 5iisro sena7
N At BEfDINGs &l6RMsTRoNG'sad
Cigars, r j OH uJ 1GW 1glc7Q ana ,Sdi
Chewing and Smof ing Tobaceos nj ,.ai lTsg
Macoby and Scotch Snuff,
171ZT IAtBELDINGs & &,ARMsTRONG,s.1 q
Mixers Cancer and Scrofula Syrup, hns 29'qol
Rush's Sarsaparila Iron; and Blood Purifier va
W aiker's California vinegar Bitters, ,iCod TuoE
Clark!s Anti Billions Compoundi tH9nsd 9nil.
me tSraefenberg Gonpany,s adt 2noms $50
eog afig. sMARsRALLs'g91 - lhs# uo7
tenos seTlne in9S IboIs o91siF a
Ayers Cherry Pectofafa9 :. ri Jaws u'5oTd.
Jsyne's ESpectoranti yhs % tl id2 E.i
Dr. 1j Hedges, Fever and Egue AnnihilatOr, ,bnI
Ayers Agqe Eure p -fnRH1iau '4Do q
Hostetter's Bitters, .s,,...y, "a ..=4,. g ,;.s,g
Haii's Hair Restorative, 10 15iiI ,sTa6mgl
Mrs. Mis- Aliens Hair kenewscr, 20 ned' 'Hen9'
Burnett's Cocoaine, rs , .sTGl1pii1 GNii-Sti
Stephens Ambrosia,
Allisma for the Hair,
Together with all the other Popular remedies
u esNf '-' N''' . BELDINGs, & ARMsTRoNG,s. Il
FAMILY aSUPPIlIBS- Z,
The very best two dollar Tea for 81 ,s5.y7 ..,,
Coffee, Spices, New Orleans Molasses Pure Ci-
der Vinegar, Pure White Rock Potash, Pick-i
stones " ashing Crystal No. l Carbon OIL Sun
- ''-' > '''' N' BELDTNGis & ARMsTRoNG's.
Pure White Lead, Paints, OILS, Varnishes
and Brushes of all kinds Cottage Paints and
Colors at BELDINGS s ARMSTRoNG'S.
Goods delivered to any part of the City by
BELDlNGS- s. ARMSTRONG.
Ravenna, April 81, 1870, b6-1y. is4,,, sA4tl,
The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-12-01
D. n. FURRY. N F. KING
&c A b RI A ES!
N. F. KING
,
D. n. FURRY.

HlHE people of this vicinity arc beginning to
i appreciate the fact that we make little the
best" Carriages to be found in this locally, and
they all say that our t
The union Democrat., 1870-05-07

DIRFcroRs or THE INSANE AsYLuM.-Gov-
ernnr Haight has commissioned the following
as Directors OK the State Insane Asylum To-
Gated in Stockton: Edward Twitchell. of
Sacramento. rice Newton Booth, term ex-
pired John B. Hewson, of San jose, rice A.
j. Spencer. term expired w. S. Montgome-
rv. Of Stockton. rice Z. s. Holden. term ex-
pired G. B. Claiborne, of Stockton. rice w.
NJ. Baggs, term expired; Edw. Moore, cf
Sfockton. rice Il. B. Parker, term expired.
The above new directors are understood to
be favorable to the retention of DR.. Shurtleff
as Resident Physician at tie Asylum.-Sac.
Union.
The union Democrat., 1870-05-07

ers. we cannot be surprised at the faith Of the
people, in their hopes of finding the original
source.
In so. Mormon Campwa the largest town
in the county; miners radiated TO the ricn
surrounding country, while now, not house
remains 10 mark the spot. Many day we
delyed 10 and around Tuttletown; many a
pound have we taken out and invested more
for the prosperity Of the county than for our
own profit; we therefore would like to see
the regeneration of our former stamping
ground" We own no quartz, and are not a
quartz miner; bur we believe that between
Tuttlerown and the Stanislaus, there are
countless thousands Of fdollars, much Of which
will yet be in circulation. When freight can
be brought to Sonora and our productions
carried to Stockton in one day. aud over a
good road, many capitalist will discoy er the
advantage Of these Tut,letown mines. Quartz
not having paid in past times is no criterion
that it will not pay in the future. Msman-
agement in working, inability in reducing
has caused many lead to be abandoned so
now, with an improved manner of working,
many a mine heretofore abandoned can be
worked at profit. C.
The union Democrat., 1870-05-07

A San Francisco despatch says: Parties
Just down frcm the San Joaquin valley say
that on the right bank of the river. from An
tioch to Visalia. the grain crops will be to-
.al failure from drouth. a majority of the
felGs not even being fit for hav. A field of
1000 scres of wheat near Antioch. which a
few weeks ago promised fine yield, is now
being cut for hav, and the owner considers
himself peculiarly fortunate to be able to do
that.
The union Democrat., 1870-05-07

An exchange says "The surrrisingcura-
tive efficacy Of DR.. Walkers Vegetable ZINE
oar BiHers, in great variety of chronic dis
eases, especially those which are obstinate, aad
eTen incurable by the ordinary treatment,
cannot be explained. Nature. aided by art.
has here provided rare combination ofmedi-
oinal properties. wisely adapted to the cure of
diseases common to all mankind
The union Democrat., 1870-05-07

The effect of DR.. Walkers Vegetable ZINE
gar Bitters, even when taken Tor its catbartic
properties, are very different from those of
any other medicine prepared specially for
that purpose.
There is no nausea or disturbance of the
stomach, and instead of causing any sense oi
langIor, or debility, it seems rather to invig-
crate the whole system, and excite the keen
est appetite.
The union Democrat., 1870-05-07
TIE H0USEKEEPER's FRIEND.
n. cRAMER's PATENT
Washing Machine
CONFINES ALL rrsE D.EYERrrr

A tOA2SENES ALL TEzB DTFFERRNT
practicable modes of washing that ran be invented
s cniei exceencies tlat Is easy and does its
wo.k we'll 1t has Cyn ;er 81 inches IN diameter ~
nones wide that hangs in angular box that works
are lines OF bevel edged buckets similar to water Wheel
.ne lines running parallel To each other arranged that
as ,ne revolves back and forward
and carries the into it, and the other IL
Any desired motion may be given ash Rins-.
mriag oo or steam. The bottom of The bcx is metal
ned IN the bottom is galvanized iron Stove or fur.
mace, with pipe at back extremity
The box being supplied with water fire kndled In the
tove the clothes to be washed being race in the cyln
der and set in notion nothing but seeing convince
prso1s how speedily easily and cheepy eths washing
that mos. iaborous branch of domestic drugery be
performed.
Patented. Aug. 31st, and Nov. 16sh 1853. These Ma
chimes are now for SALE and may be operation az
my house.
AZ Everybody should these wonderful Machines
State and County rights for sal. Addruss.
u. CkAyER,
Corner OF Pine and Lnoterg Streets THREE blocks West
of Wells. Fargo Co. Sonora, Califo, mia.
March Goth, lSs0.-u
The union Democrat., 1870-05-07

81 don't care so much about bugs" said
Wormly to the head Of genteel family in
which he resides; "But the fact is, marin, |
haven't got the blood to spare, you can see
that Yourself
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1870-11-23
GRANGE. ALEXA. e. MANASSAS R.R, co.
General Annual NJ eeting Of the Stock
holders.

The general annual meeting Of the stock
holders OF the Orange, Alexandria and Man.
assas Railroad Company convened at the COM
pauy's Office in this city at nocn to-day, and
was called to order by j. S. Barbour.
On motion of Gen. Eppa Huuton, Of Eau
quicr, N. II. Massie, esq, OF AIbemarlc, was
chosen Chairman, Col. l.. W. Reed, clerk OF
the Company acting as Secretary.
On motion of G. NJ. BIackford the Chair
appointed &. NJ. BIackford, Of Lynchburg
Robert Whitehead, of Nelson, and L. B. VIII
lisms, OF Orange, a committee to examine anc
report upon the proxies.
On motion OF J. S. Barbour it was resolved
that when the meeting adjourn, it adjourn tt
reassemblc at Harmooic Hall, over Adam
Express Office, at p, N.
On motion OF W. G. Cazenove the mee'in
then adjourned till the hour named.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1870-11-23
COMMUNICATED.

c;dents between Washington and Lee. 1t
mirht have been added that they were Vestry'
mon and worshipped in the same church.
Christ Church Of this city, and that they resi-
dcd on the banks OF the Potomac about equ
jstant from Alexandria, but in opposite d.
rections. Early in May, 1861, met Colonel
Robert +. Lee at Richmond, where he had
lust rendered his services TO his native State,
and was so murh impressed by his command
Ing, vet modest, appearance, as to cause me to
remark to my family, on my return home, that
had met the Washington OF the revolution
we were then about engaging in; and express
cd regret that could not get a photograph
likeness of Robert +. Lee as he then appeared.
- W.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1870-11-23

DOMESTIC DRAMA.-Some time 'ast week
the Norfolk VireDian says the Mayor received
telegram from Richmond asking that lady
and three children, who had just reached there
from Richmond, be detained until detective
could come down. The dispatch being very
indefinite, the Mayor answered that he cou'c
take no action until the offence committed bad
been named The lady and children, in the
meantime, were stopping at one OF the hotels
and, as she evinced no wish TO leave the city,
she was not disturbed, although several tee-
grams from Richmond were received and an'
swercG in regard to her On Friday night the
detective arrived, and it transpired that she
had left her husband in Richmond, taking her
own child by former marriage, and two OF his
By another marriage, and, accompanied by her
mother, had come down here to seek resi-
dence The lady is of an extremely nervous
temperament, and is said to be at times sub.
iect to temporary alteration of intellect
Upon the arrival OF the detective the lady eX.
pressed her willingness to give up the children,
but they positively refused to 60 unless their
little playmate was allowed to accompany them,
This was fosy consented to, aud on Saturday
the agent Of the husband returned to Rich.
mond, taking the three children and leaving
the mother desolate. If there is any predis
position TO madness, We are inclined to think
that such treatment would tend to aggravate
instead Of curing it.
The scene of this exciting domestic drama
was transferred to this city. and on Sunday
night considerable excitement was accustomed
in front of Ford Hotel by an attempt Of the
husband to get possession of two of the chill
dren referred to. The effort so far succeeded
that he got them into hack, but the vile dis,
covering their whereabouts, trantically made
for it, and was so expeditions in her move
ments that she was able to gain possession of
them by torco before her purposes could be
thwartcd. a large crowd was soon attracted
by his extrodipary scene, and it would have
been strange had it not without knowing the
merits Of the controversy, taken sides with tho
mother -RichD,ond Wing.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1870-11-23

Under the provisions Of the act of Congress
providing for redistribution Of The currency,
which passed last July, it is ascsrtained at the
Treasury Department that Of the $54, 900, 900
allowed to the West and South, with $25, 900,
900 contingent. there has thus far been but
$4,000, OOO called for. 1t also appears, that
thus far only two gold banks'' are now 10
successful operation, one in Boston and one in
San Francisco
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1870-11-23

RETARKs.-The market for Flour is less firm,
and tho demand has fallen OF to moderate To-
cal enquiry; prices remain as previously quoted
Whoat is steady; prime samples are in active
request, but little of that grade is arriving, the
receipts being principally of inferior and me-
dunn qualities; offerings Of 2l20 bushels white
and red, with sales at 125, 1876, 12a l20, l35 and
1873 Corn is dull and lower; offerings of 1873
bushels mixed, with sales at 7G and 49, Rye is
nominsl. Oats are steady; sales Of 1852 bushels
at as. Dressed Hogs are in plentiful supply,
and sell 81 CASIO por cwt.