Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1870-01-14
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

BE(B)HoLDERs-Hives f -
Coon MoTIvEs-Loco- co-motives
AFAsr TEAM-A team in the mud
STEADY ON BIS PEos-A shoemaker.
THE BRsr THING oUT--An aching tooth.
"WEATnER STRIPs Ps"-Tattored avn
ings.
"RoILINa sTooK."-Cattle on Rail
ways.
A roLlcY in the Washington Life brings
contentment. Ei
NEyhR tell secrets in corn-field--just
think of the ears
WAITER's EPITAPH.-He couldn't wait
any lonRor--so he went.
THE man who works with will-The
Probate Judge. .-fG
WHEN does cabbage beat beet In
growingf When II gets ahead.
Why is q badly conducted hotel like o
fiddler Because IL Isl vile inn.
THERE Is nothing like adversely to
bring n man out-at the knees and elbows.
"GENTLY the dews arc DER me steal.
| ing" az the man said when he had five
due bills presented TO him at one time,
A YOUNG lady who drow gentleman's s
wrapper at recent concert In Water
bury, Conn, now wants a gentleman to
put itOn.
A NEVADA CRY merchant advortlses
'Old rags of greenish hue, embellished
with Chase's photographs, cheerfully ac-
oepted In payment for stock" .t
ALwAYs turn your toes outward and
your thoughts inward the first will keep
| you from falling into the gutter, and the
last from falling into iniquity.
MRs PARTINgToN has been reading the
health officers weekly reports, and thinks
"total must be an awful malignant dis
case, since as many die of II as all the rest
put together.
BEaaAR.woMAN: "Please, sir, give me
penny to keep me from starving "
Gent. "Can't stop; in hurry I've got
TO make q speech at the Society for the
Relief of the Destitute"
WHETHER you are to live long, or to
die soon, 1t Ia wise to insure your life in
the Washington; for If you are TO live
long, q policy of insurance is equal to
money at compound interest and if you
arc to die soon, the investment results in
a financial gain to your estate, proportion.
ally larger,
A FRENCH paper prints the following
The wife of General Y. dying suddenly
during his absence, his family was greatly
perplexed to decide how the news should
be conveyed to him. A nephew under
took the task and sought out the widower
General, my aunt is very ILL.," "You
frightcn me-" "Yes, fear we can not
save her" "You sly dog" cried the be-
reaved husband, putting his fore. finger to
his nose, "Tll bet that she's dead y
A MIsCHIEvoUs boy, having got posses
sion Of his grandfather's spectacles, pri.
vately took out the glasses; and when the
old gentleman put them on, finding that
he could not see, he exclaimed, Mercy
on me, I've lost my sight I" But thinking
the impediment to vision might be the
dirtlness of the glasses, he took them of
to wipe them, when, not feeling them, he
still more frightened, cried out, "Why,
I've lost my feeling tool"
MATRIMoNY is-hot cakes warm beds,
comfortable slippers, smoking coffee, round
arms, red lips, kind words, shirts exuting
in buttons, redeemed stockings, bootiacks,
happiness, etc Single blcsscdness is
sheet-iron quilts, blue noses, frosty rooms,
ice in the pitcher, unregeneratcd linen,
heelless socks, coffee sweetened with lei
cles, gutta. percha biscuits, rheumatism,
corns, coughs, cold dinners, cphcs, rhu-
barb, and any amount of misery
A YOUNG man from the country was
supping with some city acquaintances--
chiefly females. Thinking to have fun at
his expense, one of the girls said to him.
"lou country folks don't often drink gen
uine tea, and perhaps you would prefer
the adulterated stuff Now what kind
would you likeY" "If it's all the same to
you, ladies'" he answered, "Pll take a lit
tie civil'ted, mixed with modes.ted-ac COM
bination l see you have not got"
A wELL.DREssEp man, of easy and as
sured manners, took a seat in Bowery
restaurant and eat literally of the most
expensive dishes on the carte Having
concluded his dinner, he coolly laid his
expensive ticket on the pay counter, and
looking the proprietor steadily in the eye,
said Please accept this ticket from me
l have no money" "No money !" said
the irate landlord. "Why then did you
eat my vittlesS" because was hungry" "
" Yes, but you could have got along with
less what did you cat the best there was
in the house forH If you're beat and a
beggar, why didn't you take plain fod.
derW Because" said the stranger, al
WAS brought up a gentleman, and my
stomach revolts at homely food" "Wel
! that is good" beloved the landlord
losing all control of himself; "you shall
pay for them vittles, and I'll collect 1t out
of your hide" and reaching down his 70
volver, he sprang over the counter anG
collared his unwelcome guest who de
liberately put up his eye.glass and sur
veyed tho murderous instrument. "Ah I
said he, at last "only revolver. Pro
ceed. I tcds fearful you had stomach
pump"