The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1870-05-13
aItif aus Ouutnr .

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- Josh Billings says: "One OF the
funniest scenes ever seed wuz Two
old maids waitin' on one sick widower.'
- In a dime novel recently pub
lished, the hero is made to cline one
hundred and fifty fact up tree. How
ia that for high2'
III will preach from dat portion
OF de scripture dis evening"" said
eolored domino, "whar de postle Paul
pints his 'pis.le at de 'phesians."
- The Jews have proverb, that
he who brings not his son up to some
employment makes him thief. The
Turks say, "An idle man is the devils
playfelow."
"A Texas negro on being arrest
ed for polygamy. said: why, hi!
hasn't got but four mendments yet, and
de law openly lows de eolored man iif-
teen y
- Missouri has pupil in the pri-
nary department OF public school 107
years cid. He is "a colored youth, and
CT les because the other children won't
play tag with him.
- Southern negroes. when they
get new pair of pants,are in the most
intense agony until the garment is rip
ped up the leg so they can hear it Hop
when they walk.
- A gill at Olympia Washington
Territory, throw some blasting powder
in the fire. place supposing it to be coal.
They had to send eighteen miles for
lumber Tor the coffin, 1t was so scarce
there.
"A Cincinnati judge has decided
that bl wv from a husband to wife is
sufficient ground tor divorce. How
is 1t when the wife does the blowing!
There is u friend II ours wants us to
fnd out for him,-he thinks he's got
case.
- "Come Bob, how much hare you
cleared by your speculation ?" said
friend IT, his companion.
''Cleared ~ answered Bob with
frown, by, / cleared my pockets ]"
- A negro parson in the West
preaching against the love of money,
concluded his sermon by saying And
FINALLY brethren, you can judge what
God thinks of money BY the class of
people he gives it to-
- All Over Town.--"Jane," said
wag it's all over town.
Nv hats all over towa?"
Mud :"
Miss James eyes drspped-and SO
did her waterfall.
- At Sydney, Ohio, young wo-
man went into store and asked for
''feline intestines for lyrical purposes
He said he was out of them, but had
some mighty good cat-gut ii d d e
strings. She tainted, and had to be
carried out on revenue stamp. Such
is life.
- A Newark man is getting very
suspicious because his wife has several
times, lately asked him why he didn't
apply for work Mt the nitro-glicerine
factory which has exploded twice late
lyy He wants divorce.
love is like a hunter. who cares
not for the game when once caught,
which he may have pursued with the
mos: intense and brcathless eagerness.
4cye Is stronger IN pursuit, friendship
IN possession.
- A lifted swain spitefully says
tive did not know as much as her
daughters of the present dav. Had
they been in her place, Instead Of be-
ing deceived, they would have deceived
the devil"
- Don't be too anxious to solve a
connumdrnm. We know a man who
got two black eyes in endeavoring to
lind out the difference between man
and woman fighting in the street.
49, A darksy gives the following
reason why the colered race Is superior
to the white race
ssAll men are made OF clay. and like
the mecrschzum pipe, are more valu-
able when highly colored."
- A celebrated preacher, III a ser
mon on the duty of wives, said: ~
see ia this congregation a woman who
has been guilty Of disebedience to her
husband, and in order TO point her out
j will fling my Bible at her head" He
lifted tie book, and every wife's head
was instantly ducked.
- At Fort Wayne, Indiana, when
women begin to run arouad the street
baresootej, people know that "spring
has come, gentle Annie" Talking a.
bout feet, an Indiana woman that can't
show foot thirteen inches long Is
h0oted out Of society.
Tile Texas magistrate who post
p0ned a case for two veeks, i'm order
to find out whether the State was in or
out of the Union. was one of yoHr care
ftIl kind. In the meantime the citizens
HING the horse thief that was going to
be tried, because they hadn't any Jail
"A slight misunderstanding. At
a temperance netting a number of la
@dics who desired to throw their tnflu-
lance on the right side. came up to sign
4 he pledge when a son OF Erin exclaim-
ID BE gorra who would think so
nany fine looking Yankee women
rink y
- A young married couple in Wis
Pnsin town lately began housekeeping
ld the first purchases oil the head OF,
e family at the village grocery were
re cents worth OF soda. five cents
nth of salt, two cents worth OF pep
r, one cents worth of chewing gum.
twelve cents worth of soap. The
pie amounted TO twenty five cents.
ch was paid By the young Benedict
pccie; and as ne left the store he re-
kfked to the clerk that excepting
puse Is cheaper than boarding