Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1870-05-05
The Josh Billings Papers.
TIGHT BOOTS


would list like tew kno who the man
waz who fust invented tite boots.
He must hav bin narrow and kon
tracked kuss. ..
Ii he still lives, hope he has repented
ov his sin, or is enjoying CRATE agony ov
sum kind. &
bav bin in CRATE menny tight spots
in mi life, but generally could manage to
make them average; but thare IL no SIGH
thing az making pair of tite boots ave.
rage.
Yu can't git an average on the pinch
ov tite boot more than yu kan on the
bite ov lobster.
Envy man who kan wear pair oy
tite boots, and be humble, and penitent,
and not indulge in profane literature. will
make good husband.
He will do more than that, he will do
to divide up into several fust klass hus-
bands. and be made to answer for whole
naberhood.
Oh! for the pen ov departed VIM.
Shakspear, to write an anathema against
lite boots, that would make anshunt
Rome wake up, and howl agin az she
once before did on previous ockashun.
Oh! for the strength ov Herkules, to
tare into shy,strings all the tite boots ov
creashun, and skater them to the 4 winds
ov heaven.
Oh for the buty ov Venus, tew make
a bigg foot look hansum without tite
boot ON it.
Oh! for the payshunce ov Job, the
Apostle, to nuss tite boot and bless it,
and even pra for one size smaller and
more pinchfull.
Obi fol q pair ov boots bigg enough
for the foot oy mountain. 9
/ hav bin led into the above assort-
ment ov OILS! from having in my pos
sesshuu, at this moment, pair ov mum.
Der nine boots, with pair ov number
eleven feet in them.
Mi feet are az uneazy az dogs noze
the fust he wears muzzle.
l think mi feet will eventually choke
tho boots to deth.
/ liv in hopes they will.
Isuppozed had lived long enuff not
to be phooled agin in this way, but haV
found out that an ounce ov vanity weighs
moro than a pound ov reazon, espeshily
when man mistakes big9 foot for a
small one.
Avoid tite boots, mi friend, az you
would the grip ov the devil; for menny q
man haz caught for life fust rate habit
for swareing bi encouraging biz feet tc
hunt biz boots.
l hav promised mi two feetat least q
dozen ov times during mi checkured life
that they never should be strangled agin,
but find them to-day az full ov pain az
the stummuk AXE, from a sudden attack
ov lite boots.
But this IL solemnIy the last pair ov
lite boots ever will wear; i will hereaf-
ter wear boots az big az mi feet, if hav
to 90 bare foot to do it.
am too old and too respectable to be
phool emmy more.
Eazy boots IL one ov the luxurys ov
life, but forgit what the other luxury IL,
but don't kno az care, provided kan
git lid ov this pair oy tite boots.
Emmy man ken hav them for seven dol.
lors, just nair What tiroy UUsr, ana II they
don't make his feet AXE wus than an an.
Gle worm in hot ashes, he needn't pay
fol them.
Methuseles il the only man, that kan
kali 10 mind now who could hav afforded
TO ware lite boots, and enjoyed them; he
bad a great deal ov waste time to be mis-
cradle in, but life now days, IL toe
short, and too full oy aktual bizzness to
phool away emmy ov it on tite boots.
Tite loots are an insult to emmy mans
understandings.
He who wears tie boots will hav to ac-
knowledge tie corn.
lite boots hay no bowels or mersey,
their insides are wrath, and promiskious
cussing.
Beware of tite boots.