Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1870-10-08
JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS.


1he monkey ~ newman Dein htti
undersized, kivered with hair, hitche
tew a tail, and filed with the devil,
Naturalists will tell you, II you as
them, that am mistaken--that ] meal
well enough, and don't mean tew deceiv
anybody, but that the monkey IL not
human being; that he is a pun on hu
manity, kind Of malisbus joke Of Ju
piter's, libel with long tail tew IL,
mysterious mixtur of ludicrous mischie
and stale humor, kind Of pacing. hob
by-hoss, or connecting gang-plank be
tween man in his dignity and the beas
in his darkness.
| have hi opinyun Of the naturalist
and of all kinds of the dickshunary fra
ternity, and touch mi hat tew them wher
we meet and | respect them for wha
they know; but don't worship them foi
what they don't know, az the heather dt
their wooden gods.
| don't kare what the philosophers say
they kan prove in this matter, tell yot
confidenshally, mi Christian friend, thai
you and the monkey are relashuns.
I don't pretend TO say that you are
brothers and sisters, but ! do pretend tew
state that monkeys, or any other kind
ov critters who exercise reason, even il
the light ov it IL az dim az number six
dip candle in the rays oy the MONDAY
sun, are our relashuns for certain
amount. nf tt
The only fence between the animal
and brute folks il instinkt and reason;
and if the naturalist kant prove that the
monkey don't show a single glimmering
of reason, say he must step oph from
the monkeys tail and let him eat at the
fust table.
The monkey IL initiative tew the highest
degree, and imitashun IL direkt trans
greshun Ov the law ov instinkt, and IL
fallow ground within the domain ov rea-
zOn.
Instinkt don't step one single step
aside tew smell ov a flower or pull cat $
tail. .t,.pl N 1tu
But argument ain't mi fighting weight,
| git along the best by asserting thing az
they strike me, and | say upwards ov
four thousand things every year that |
kant prove emmy more than kan prove
what melody iz
The naturalist may bav their own way,
but they kant have mine, what little i
know about things haz been whispered
tew me by the spirits ov sum other romp-
ing critters, and IL az distinkt and buti-
ful, suintimes tew me az a dream on an
emty stummak, it may be all wrong but
it never IL vicious, and thus ! konklude
it IL edukashun.
Now don't advise ennybody else tew
depend for their learning upon sich pre-
karious slsool masters, the best way IL
tew follow the ruts it will take you lands
tew town just az it did yure daddy.
The route that | travel IL circuitus
and blind sumtimes, it haz now and then
vista, or Landscape in it, that IL worth
tew me, more than farm ov tillable
land, but you kant raze good white beans
on skape.
Whenever drop mi subject, and begin
tew strutin the suburbs ov sentimentality
and proverbial pomposity, alyus think
ov gobble turkey in barn-yard on
dress parade, and that IL just what am
thinking ov now, and therefore will dis
mount from the turkey and git aboard
the monkey (thc monkey az he ann once
more.
Pure deviltry IL the monkeys right
bower; he il only valuable (az personal
property tew look at, and wonder what
he IL going tew do next.
He IL a jack at all trades, Put him in
a barber shop, he will lather and try tew
shave himself, and color his mustash;
and put him in dri goods store, and
he will handle more goods than the best
retail clerk in A. I Stewards employ.
The monkey haz not got logikal head,
it is too much like pin he'd, all in heap
to onst, but hiz face iz concentrated
dew-drop and malishus mischief
He resembles the rat terrier in counte-
nance and scratches hiz head az natural
az distrikt skcol boy, and undoubtedly
for the same reason.
Monkeys never grow emmy older in ex-
presshun; yung monkey looks jist like
hiz grandpapa, melted up and born again.
They are sometimes kept as pets, but
should rather watch two adopted orphan
boys fresh from the Home of the Friend
less than two monkeys.
They will eat everything that man
will, except bolony sausage; here they
show more instinkt than reason.
But after all, tho the monkey shows
evident signs ov reason, they are, az a
means of praktikal grace, the most use
less kritter hav ever pondered over and
skratched mi he'd about.
They won't work and they won't play, |
nnless they Kan raize sum devil. They |
aye toe much like human being in looks
and actions 10 lii off; il IL impossible
lew gage at one and gil mad Of him, and |
i IL impossible tew laff at their smIrking
:atanity without getting mad at yourself |
If ennybody should make me present
ov monkey i don't know now whether
shogId consider it intended for malice or
4 joke, but DO know tlai shoNld send |
lim back bi the same person that fetched
lim tew the donor, marked in loud ital-
O. D.
In konklusion, there IL only one thing
hat have crate supply of doubt about
n reference tew the monkey, and that IL
ls moral stamina while in the garden ov
Eden with the rest Of the critters. pre-
gious to the time that Adam fell-was he
strictly on the square, or was he just as
'ull ov the devil as he IL now?
an answer to the above konundran IL
IL Nj