The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1870-02-23
THE KING OF THE CANN1BAL
ISLANDS.
A Dinner with His Majesty.
ny MARK TWAIN.

A Dinner with His Majesty.
ny MARK TWAIN.
= "NOw Us regards those
missionaries" continued the king re1ect'
yey scratching BIZ head with the fork
which I had presented him, and which he
had already learned 10 use Il good deal,
though not always In strictly legitimate
way, "as regards those missionaries, l will
say that their landing here was unexpect'
ed, but l haStencd to give them every pro-
lection. And l gave them full privilege
TO teach. They were the first whites that
some Of my people had seen, and ofc9urse
these simple natives had anatufal cl1fiosl-
" to experiment upon theml | could
not reasonably deny them this little graft.
fication, though, ]. Copnselled them tOpraC-
teens tilte cruelty upon the strangers rs
was compatible with thir desire for In
formation and tho necessity Of wholesome
amusement. They removed JohnsOn's
ears, and that was d thing which l regret.
ted seriously, until 1t was explained to me
that great chiefs little sick child desired
them TO play witll-anl ifyOu could have
seen how much more cpntentcd and rest
full tic poor young .tliing was aiter 1t
acquired them, you would have felt how
blessed thing 1t Is to be able To contri-
butte to the happiness of even little
child"
at was the impulse of generous
heart; Il was d spirit Of libcraIity rs rare
as it Is beautiful. And how did johnson
likeft|
ooh, johnson sail 1t WIS the will of
God. II was like johnson 10 say that.
But the missionaries were right well
treated on the whole. The natives tried
various interesting experiments upon
them, such as scofching tlNnl, and scalp
Ing them, and all TINT sort OF thing, and !
killed one Of them myself, not In malice,
but because Ind q curious caprice to see
how he would go with onions. Lie WIS Il
failure. Old and tough. UndCrdonG, my
Irahin6 sNid-a shade too venerable 1 said.
Give INC plIngcnCy and tenderness for Il
combination. Onions and infancy Is my
idea Of comfort. But hero comes u dish
which you will like, my good, hQOte-
baked dog md yanls-pr0jeCt your teeth
in this direction and nip this slice from
the continuance which you call fork. A
man, if lie he anything Of an cptcurC, Is
bound TO like this dish. 1t Is par eIce!-
lenc6, tho national disll-nO tudW Is COM
plcto without it. A tWdu Is grand feast,
my fricnd-that is what the word means.
Doyunikn that tho edible dog Of this
land Is "a perfectly proper and elegant
beast for human consumption? 1t Is
even so. lie is never, never allowed
to touch meat. lie Is fed wholly oil
poi-a strictly vegetable diet. lie is
reared in the house sleeps with his
owners, male or lcmAle-ridcs horse
back with them, travels in the boat
with them, u, their inseparable pct. and
companion THEY love HIM trnaerly IN
lie, and IN death they do nottntn away
from him. They cat him. They stuifllis
body full Of plantains, bananas, yams and
other dainticS, and cook him among hot
stones buried in Il hole in tho ground. Not
u breath Of the aroma, not q drop OF the
combined Juices escapes. You people
don't know how to cook. No, US was
saying, tho Kanakas experiments wCrG
generally fatal, though I urged them not
10 waste the missionaries, for We could not
know when We would have another lot.
Among those that survived was Williams,
and it WIS he that sent home those dam.
aging reports TO your country, IN which
he spoke Of the treatment Of his brethren
in IL pccVisl, flult-fndingsplrit, ill.bcCom'
ing 10 hissacred calling. suppose your
neOple bclivcl every word Of II, and just
Jumped 10 the conclusion that We were Il
bad, inhospitable race. Never explained
about .IOhns0n's cars, pcrlIaps-ncvCr told
wAy l killed that other fcllOw-cOnGOund
me, it docs seem to me ,tiat some people
take pleasure In, misunderstanding things,
and bringing obloquy upon their fellow:
creatures. Sometimes feel rs II had
rather be dead and ut rest The world
seems so shameless In its Judgments, and
ones life is 30 cmbittGrcd by tho malicious
criticisms Ofthosc whose hearts are not in
sympathy with him"
al trGs nitiftll in that Williams, after all
you had done for his party"
"Ishould say so! But never mind, let's
be cheerful, anyway. How arc you max
ing out? Let me help you 10 fried plan
tain. Take some Of the pup? No! Try
some OF tho human beingH By George,
this.fallOw Is done to a charm. You'll like
him. He was ID FrenchmaIl-splcntlid
Ghap-yoing, and hale and hearty, bcauti.
full TO look upon. Do you prefer white
meat or dArky Let nc help you to some
of tho breast. All mel I hive kOwn this
yolngstcr for thirteen years-iisllCd with
him, gave couple Of my sisters and four
aunts TO him. | loved him. lie WIS al.
ways COOL lie Is good now"
Taking up u fragment Of his late broth
er.in-law, the King took bite and then
glzed long anil pensivGly upon the re-
mainder, TIL, by.and.by the muscles Of his
mouth begaf-to tWttcl with emotion and
presently lwo'dr three great tears rolled
from his eyes and COursed down his
cheeks. Then, in choking voice, he
murmurcd:
"Alas, they have fried him!"
l laid down tile breast-bonc Of deceased
and burst into tears also. Such Is the
sympathetic power Of grief. TWAS moth.
Ing 10 nc whether they fried him or boil
cd him; It was nothing 10 me how this
poor foreigner was cooked; Twas only cat
Ing him out Of vain curiosity, and not
b. cause I loved him, not because rcspcC-
ted him, not because ] wished 10 curry fh-
vor with his relatives Yet ! wCpt,
"Thcy have frie,l him r. said the King.
"Alas, poor GaultiGr. However, let us
cheer up, let US DO content. But | will
have lnylcOOk for breakfast for this-and
| will fry him, and sec how he likes It,
There IL nothing like a sharp example TO
teach man, my friend But don't be
idle, sir-take some more Of the fried
Frcnclnnan. l ought 70 l,c ashamed to
offer you such dish, but you sec how !
am situated, He ought TO. have been
bakGll-this fellow ought We always
hike a Frcnchman-wc never think Of
frying lin. But l wish you had known