The Tarboro' southerner., 1870-11-17
SPU CLAN A.

" ho hath many wishes mas general
ly but little will.
The man who by mistake took a
drink from a bottle of mucilase, says
he has felt "stuck up ever since.
The principal occupation Of the
''girl of the period is said to be to sit
at the window, aud watch for the ''com
ing man.
The man who married three sisters
in succession excused himself for So
doing on the ground that he got of
with only one mother>in-law.
Mrs. Partiugton says she did not
marry her second husband because she
loved the male SIX, but because he was
just the size of her first husband, and
could wear out bis old clothes.
Josh Billings says that ''if man
proposes to serve the Lord, he likes to
see him do it when he measures corn
as well as when he boilers glory halle
luyer!"
The Harvard -4dvocate says that,
this is the last thing from an impas>
stoned lover to his mistress: Would
you were an exclamation-point and | a
IarenthesiaC9"
A certain Boston clergyman who,
last week, had an overcoat and umbrel>
la stolen from his hall, thinks that the
man who stole them is likely to bring up
in world where neither overcoat nor
umbrella will be essential to comfort.
That the ruling passion is strong in
death is illustrated By the Vicksburg
lady, who, on her death bed, wanted to
be buried in Pompadour waist, "cut
biased"
"How many feet long was the
snake?" asked a person of traveller
who had just related story of the eu
counter of boa constructor killed by
him. 'Onu hundred and niuety-two
iuchess' was the reply; "snakes have
no feet"
A lady made a call upon a friend
who had lately been married. When
her husband came to dinner, she said /:
I've beeo to Mrs." "Well," re-
piled the husband, II suppose she is
very happy" Happy! Well, 1 should
think SIZE ought to be; she has cam
el's>hair shawl thirds border"
Squibs says the reason it has been
40 hot of late is that the doors of Ger
tain warm place. not to be named to ears
polite, are standing ajar to let the de
feated Radical party into its lower
most depths after the fall elections.
An lrlshman, being little muddled,
was asked what was his religious be
lief. rs it me religious belafe ye'd be
asking about? It's the same as the
Wildly Brady. owe her twelve shil.
lings for whisky, and she behaves I'll
never pay her-and, fai'h, that's my
belafe, too ~
A Dutch woman kept toll gate
One foggy day traveller asked, "Mad-
am, how far is it 70 B-?' "Shoost a
leetle ways" was the reply. "Yes, but
how far = again asked the traveller
"Shoost leetle ways more emphati-
cally. Madam, is it one two throe,
four, or five miles? 7" The good woman
replied, Il dink it is p
A disconsolate swain in Illinois was
recently shaken by the object of his af,
feetion, aud touching his Tyre, MARBLES
the following refrain:
A big, destrucktif durk I'll bi.
I'll bid farewell to every tear,
Then sadly wipe mi weaping I,
Aud cut my throat from year to year.
Joe King was sick at boarding.
house, and made his mind up for some
chicken broth The order went down
into the kitchen, and the broth came
up weak, fat, and iDsipid. The sick
man subsequently related his disap-
lointneut to friend, who said, They
jos, let a chicken wade through it, -
If they did, said Joe family, sit hal
on stills" He recovered.
Mr.. 6 WAS most inveterate punster.
Lying very i'll Of cholera, his nurse
proposed to prepare young, tender
chicken. Hadn't you better take an
old hen?' said G., in low whisper
he wac too i'll to speak louder" for
she would be more apt to lay on my
stomach" G. fell back exhausted,
and the nurse tainted
An Irishman who was troubled with
the toothache determined to have an
old offender extracted. but there being
no dentist near, he resolved to do the
Job himself ;whereupon he filed the
excavation with powder, but being
afraid to-touca it off, be put q slow
m"tch to it, lit il, aud hen ran around
leeorner to get out Of the way. g.