Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1870-12-15
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

"a man can't help what is dsne be.
hihd MS back, as the scamp said when
he was kicked out of doors.
"Ah, parson, wish / could take nv
gold with me-" said rich old Deacon
oWlpes. 1t might melt, ifyou did, II.
A man who had scolding wife, bein,,
asked what he did for living, replied
that he kept hothOIse."
y Green Bay man, who slept with a
tame bear to keep up his reputation for
eccentrielty, wants new set OF intest.-
Ees.
Who was David's grandmother,
asked q Clergyman of q Sunday school
scholar. "A woman, sir" replied th
boy.
Some Baltimore friend of Theodore
iliion is responsible for the following:
w hen is Justin ID. Fulton like a dead
man? When he lies on his bier.u
Missouri claims that her iron rsuio,,
IS 800 miles iohg by 100 wide; and tb,.;
IN shannon county there are 324 ssuar,
miles OF copper lands not yet touched.
What is the difference between baIfa
glass of water and "a broken engagement
One is not filed full, and the other is nor
fHifilIed. 100
Last year there were 1OI marriage GER
tihcate Issued during the few days pre-
cedlrg Thanksgiving. This wear the
number was l3l. Our follies, it will be-
seen, are on the increase.
RECE' TLY-a fear, which dressed near.
" tour hundred pounds, was chased from
the fenns lvania mountains by some,
hunters, swan the Delaware, and was
hnaliy treed near Hainesville, N. ].
An Irishman, officiating as chairman
OF cup, was annoyed at the tumule
created by a set of unruly members. and
astohlshed them by vociferating, 'tJin--
Ieihen, VIII gees come to oruer? Ifys
oniy Keep silent, ye may make as much
noise as ye PLACE?
Ihe llberal-hearted proprietor of la
ger beer saloon in Rutland recently lost
hls pocket book, containing $500. 1t
was found ana returned by a young man
aud the gratified Teulon thus gave We Z
10 ms delight: Bob, you is one honest
man: tells you what I'll do; III shake
you for the lager"
During the delivery of a lecture bv
Mrs. DIR. Walker, in Kansas. a few days
ago, a precious youth in tbs audience
afleh out, Are yeU the Mary that had
a little iamb?' No" was the r.ady re-
ply, but your mother had little Jack
ass"
Mother, where's Bill?r INV son.
don't let me hear You say Bill again.
I on should say William. In the yard,
ieeding the ducks" "Oh, yes, see him
now. But mother, what makes the ducks
have such broad williamson $50 out
With WI, your brother, you little scamp, or
I'll cuff your ears" ."
a young man at Indianapolis Ind.
has been under treatmen for lead collie.
IL was long time before the doctors
found where he got it: but at last the
terrible truth came out. He had been
lH the habit of kissing a young woman
VINO improved her complexion By the
use of cosmetics.
In Indiana, while Mrs. Stanton was
speaking on married life q Young clerk
was so pleased that he laughed outright
The speaker. standing up in wanted mo-
bleness, stopped short and asked, ''Are
you married man?" "Nou he rspl ed.
Mrs Stanton said, Young man you are
entitled to the falrest bride the city af-
fords.n
The following is copy of a note from
a Lycoming County school directof<so
teacher ii his vicinity: Deer EEsnd abr
Viii du you not Civ nay Boy hiz lessons
the same as the Rest of your Collars and
put him to his Sifern Pies to du the best
you ken With him as fur Books du not
10 by Nuther4 reder fur HAy got or
5 FEEDERS and reder he was went
threu his and fit pleas Du the best yu
ken yours mos truly R E."
Judge Van Trump recently visited st.
Joseph, Mo. and during q Democratic
jollliicatlOn viewed the scene from o bal
cony lie WAS suddenly waited on by Il
who said with great earnest
ness: Judge Van Trump, We are autnor-
.zed to ask you TO make speech, and if
sou decline, to pitch you over the balco-
n.y." The Judge favored his fellow-cit-
izens with a few remarks.
A fOppish fellow in the country made
some propositions which were objected
TO by farmer. The youth exclaimed
Indignantly: Sir, 90 you know that ]
have been to two universities, and at
two colleges in each university?"--
well, sir,s' replied the farmer, what
Of that? i once had calf that sucked
from two cows; and observed the more
he sucked the greater calf he grew"
They have neek-iie sociables in Mon
tana. Every lady, upon entering the
loor, is required 10 give the doorkeeper
IN envelope containing sneck-tie made
)f the same material as the dress shs
wears that evening; to be made in any.
ole shape, and trimmed as she
:hoOses.l Every gentleman pays fifteen
tnn4z at tbA door and rppaiyeS PhaPE
or neck-tie, and afterwards the neck
lies arcdistributeI TO the check-holders.
After receiving bis new article of dress
each gentleman commences s. search for
he lady who made it, after finding her,
he shows his gratitude by treating her
o oysters, cake, peaches, sc.
Gems or Thought
Misfortune has in it at least this good,