Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-06-09


dred cents for dollar! By investing In
q bottle of perfume.
"A New Hampshire man, living near
Dover, reports that he has q view OF forty
towns from the roof of his house.
Among the articles advertised at q
chattel mortgage sale in Massachusetts is
a set Of tomb-stones, just as good as new.
The most bashful girl we ever knew
was one who blushed when she was asked
if she had not been counting sleep.
Insure your life for the amount of the
mortgage on your house, in the Washing.
ton Life Insurance Company, OF New
York.
There are two periods in the life OF
man, at which he is too wise to tell wo-
man the exact truth ; when he is in love
and when he isn't.
"A clergyman of Putnam, Conn, re
Gently married couple on the cars, with
out the other passengers having any
knowledge or suspicion of the transac-
ton.
The Leavenworth Times says the man
WHO shot another fellow for playing
"Shoo Fly" on an accordion has been &C.
quilted, the verdict being "justifiable
homicide"
AT Mount Auburn Cemetery, Cam
bridge, Mass, they anticipate the necessi-
ty of an determination of the too numer-
Gus squirrels, the little animals destroying
all the bulbs and birds eggs.
-"Grandpa, did you know that the
United States has been in the habit OF en-.
couraging tories?' "What kind OF toriess
Territories Now give me some peanuts
or I'll catch the measles"
"A young lady sent the following note
to her music teacher not long ago.
"Dear Mrs. II wish To Be excused
from Taking Lessin until Week from
to Day, as We will Be Co Buizzy an l
wont Have time to Praktes"
The children of A. L. Hathaway, in
Shelburn, Vt recently found some gold
coin while playing on the beach of Lake
Champlain, and their father, in digging,
found alb ut 500 worth of guineas coined
in 1749 76.
There's neral taught by the follow
ing conversation, which needs to be learned
by many fathers Said little four-year
old: "Mother, father won't be in heaven
with us, will her" "Why, my child?"
Because he can't leave the store"
"A young lady of Montgomery county,
Md, Of the most respectable family, and
possessed of considerable means. has late
iy eloped with and married a negro, in
order to revenge herself upon her parents,
who refused to permit her TO have the man
Of her choice.
An old bachelor says that we are safe
from ever having woman for President,
because not one of the eek would ever
confess to being over thirty-fv which Is
the age prescribed by the Constitution as
the youngest point at which any man Is
eligible TO that Office.
"A practical Joker in Providence, r. / i,
the other day engaged and paid five hand
organists to play one hour before the
door Of nervous butcher. They did 1t,
despite the offer OF the butcher to pay
them 81 each to 90 away, and against all
his entreatics and threats Each organ
played different tune, and the combina.
ton was something terrific.
AT one time Daniel Webster had a
difficult case to plead, and verdict was
rendered against his client. One of the
witnesses came TO him and said: "Mr.
Webster, If / had thought we should have
lost the case, might have testified a great
deal more than did" ut is OF no con-
sequence" replied the lawyer, "the jury
did not believe word you said"
"A San Francisco merchant who had
an unstable article consigned to him from
the East, got his personal friends together,
assigned each street, and instructed
them to call at every store and inquire
for this particular article. Then he ad
vertised the goods, and the retail dealers,
surprised at the unusual call which had
been made for them, took them all off his
hands at high price.
The Niners' Journal, of PottsvilIe,
Pa, having stated that there was man
in the place who had been drunk for
thirty years, its editor says he has
been called to account by at least twenty
different persons, who insist that the iteM
was personal attack on them. The man
he really referred to, the editor says, is
sharp enough to keep his mouth shut
about it, but keeps on drinking, just az If
Lot word had been said"
The Boston Traveller says that q mem.
Der of Massachusetts, House Committee
was offered $500 to sign certain re-
port, and subsequently made full expla-
nation to his colleagues, thus: ] went
home the other night, and after Harriet
and had retired Gays I, Harriet. which
had you rather have me to do, bring home
to you $20, 900 for pin money, or an honest
husbands Says she, Thomas, an honest
husband"
"A gentleman of Providence directed
his servant girl 70 boil some eggs. giving
her, ct the same time, three minute
sand-glass, with directions to remove the
hen-fruit from the fire when the glass
+" ran out" After some little time the
girl made her appearance with the eggs,
which proved to be of India rubber-like
and remarked that the appa-
ratus must be ont Of order. A cross.ex.
animation revealed the fact that she had
placed the, TO her, novel instrument in the
boiling water along With the eggs, and
had waited till her patience was exhausted
70 zee il run out-of the skillet.
"A very good joke II told Of . gentle
man in Cambridge, Nd, who 10 q very
worthy citizen, who had q farm . short
distance out In the country, which he