The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-02-12
WIT AND WISDOM.

VIII AMI w K0OUMs
HAPPINESS consists in being perfectly
satisfied with what we haven't got.
IDLENEss is the sepulcher of a living
man.
CHARMS strike the sight, but merit wins
the soul.
ESDEAvOR for the best, and provide for
the worst.
LIFE is a morsel of frankincense, burn
ing in the ball of eternity.
TROUBLES are ike babies; they grow
bigger by nursing.
CONSCIENCE is judge placed in the iu-
terror Of our being.
WHEN do apprentices desire most to travel
When they become jOurney-men.
"ME1N HERR, do you know what for
we call our boy Hans 2" 81 do not,
really" "Well, tell you. Der reason
that we call our boy Hans is-it is ISL
name.
SOMEBODY says that Ike's last trick was
to throw Mrs. Partington'S gaiter into the
alley, and call the old lady dOwn from the
third floor to see an alley-gaiter.
SAID distinguished politician t, his son,
I" Look at me! began as an alderman,
and here | am at the top of the tree and
what is my reward? Why, when | die
my son will be the greatest rascal in the
United States" To this the young hope
full replied Yes, dad, when you die, and
not till then"
4 " NOTION seller was offering Yankee
clocks, finely vanished and colored, and
with a looking-gl in front, to a certain
lady not remarkable for personal beauty
" Why, it's beautiful said the vender.
" Beautiful, indeed a look at it almost
frightens me p said the lady. "Then,
marm," replied Jonathan, " i guess you'd
better buy one that hain't got no looking
glass !"
AN Englishman paying an Irish shoe
black with rudeness, the urchin said any
honey, ali the polish you have is upon your
boots, and / gave you that :"
A CONNECTICUT town boasts of a man
Of such punctual habits that be carries his
watch in his coattail pocket, so as always
to he ahead of time When he sits down
he is " on time"
A WOMAN being enjoined to try the
effects of kindness on her husband, being
told that it would heap Goals Of fire upon
his head, replied, :" have tried boiling
water, but it didn't do Ut of good"
Girls, don't accept the hand of anybody
who tells you that he is going to marry and
settle. Make him settle first, and marry
afterward.
A SCOTCH nohleman one day visited a
lawye- at bis Office, in which, at the time,
there was blazing fire, which led him to
exclaim: g Mr.. -, your Office is as hot
as an oven p $50 it should be, nv lord"
replied the lawyer, "as it is here that |
make my bread"
AN Irishman, swearing before a magis-
trate against his three sons, thus concluded
his affidavit "And this dependent further
saith, that the only one of his children who
showed him any real ilial affection was his
youngest son Larry, for he nevsr struck him
pchen he scdS dOs0n."
FELLow FEELING.-During the delivery
Of Miss Olive Logan's lecture on " Girls, p"
the other event G, the fair lecturer, in her
confidential talk with pretty girls" said,
-" Shall tell how feel i? Well, / will
tell you; | never saw a pretty girl in all
my life, one upon whose cheeks the roses
we're blooming, but that | wanted to fold
her in my arms and kiss her." A person
Of the male persuasion, who had not seen
but twenty-five summers, fOrgetful of the
dignity Of the occasion, gave evidence Of
fellow feeling, by in quite a loud voice ex-
claiming, g | feel just 50, too"
Don P1Arr says: al was in love with
fat girl. She was very feshy. She was
enormous, hut the course of my true love
came TO grief | was sitting with her in the
dim twilight one evening. was sentimen-
tai | said many soft things; I embraced
part Of her. She seemed distant. She
frequently turned Der lovely head from me.
At last thought heard the murmur Of
voices on the other side. arose and
walked round and then | found another
fellow counting her on the left flank. | was
indignant, and upbraided Der her
treachery 10 thus cOncesling from me an
other love- She laughed at my conceit, as
if she we're not big enough to have two
lovers at once.
CoxGREvE, in one Of bis comedies,
speaks Of lady who has got such ever
lasting rotation of tongue that echo bath no
chance with her. but must wait until she
lies to catch her last word"
LORD CHESTERFIELD once remarked that
even Adam, the first man, knew the value
81 politeness, and allowed Eve to have the
first bite at the apple.
Oh people are long shadows, il is true,
and their evening sun lies coldly on the
earth, but they all point to the morning.