The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1870-11-10
Vet and Hat77aOrs


. Vet and Hat1nOrs
Open to conviction-A burglar.
A lost art-Family government
A green grocer-One who trusts.
Financial barbarism-Sh notes.
Coin from natures mint-Peny royal.
Steady on his pegs-a shoemaker.
The best thing out-an aching tooth.
Fast team-a team stuck in the mud.
What is the stimulate for the hare ?-the
greyhound
Why is Is a ballet lady puzzle? Because
she's poser.
A love that is never iprocated-ncural-
sic affections.
When a draft passes through bank does
it give the clerks cold? .....a
A blow at real estate-When men are en-
gagged in breaking ground.
Beautiful extract-A handsome lady just
helped out Of mud hole,
What is it that nobody wants, yet nobody
likes to lose "A lawsuit.
A good rule-Back your friends and face
you enemies.
What difference it makes whether you
put Dr. before or after mans name
When must time hang up his scythe !?
When he is no never.
The time to clinch an argument the
attention of your audience is rivetcd.
Lrdies wear so much false hair with their
own it is hard to tell which is switch.
What is a man doing when he blows his
own trumpet? Raising the wind
Give me some headache and family
fight" is the Ohio call for whiskeY and bit
tiers.
Grant would regain his popularity if he
would only make himself emf grant.
People who are hard up are generally in a
tight place, and those who are tight are often
in hard place
The true gentlemen is always modest. He
lie nUIS ICduJ " OUtdlu CAC opidlOds Va ooLSi"
than to parade his own.
"What is home without mother 2" as the
young girl said when she sent the old lady to
chop wood.
A lover wrote thus to his sweetheart -
Delectable darling you are so dulcet that
honey would blush in your presence, and
treacle stand appalled,.
A commentator discovers that Nebuchad-
nezzar invented "old sledge," because he got
his living on call fours" for seven wears
An Englishman has memoriaIized the Brit
ish Museum, soliciting funds for the explora-
ton Of Mount Ararat, with the probability
Of the recovery Of portions of the ark. He is
a remarkably enthusiastic arkeologist.
A woman lecturer says woman's sphere is
'bounded north by her husband, on the east
by her baby, on the south by her mothcr-in-
law, and on the west by "a maiden aunt"
A little boy, running, struck his toe and
fell on the pavement. "Never mind, my little
fellow" said bystander, you won't feel the
pain Tomorrow. Then, answered the little
boy, won't cry tomorrow"
A lady in Birmingham complains that the
first year of her married life her husband
called her "my DEAR the second year, s'Mrs.
A" and the third year, ''old sorrcl top" She
couldn't bear it.
A Lawyer ia Terre Haute lately went to an
editors Office to cane him The doctors have
dug three bullets out of his frame and say
there is another one that they can't find
which will probably kill him.
A clergyman being much pressed by lady
OF his acquaintance to preach sermon the
first Sunday after her marriage, complied and
chose the following passage in the Psalms as
his text: And there shall be abundance OF
peace-while the moon cndureth"
A colored poet has reduced the fifteenth
amendment to rhyme He was overheard
singing his verse the other night. and the fol
lowing is the burden of his bond:
1t is sin to steel pin,
A crime to cut throat,
But darned sight bigger to stop niger
From putting in his vote.
A simple but ingenious enigma for young
people is the following:
In my first my second sat;
My third and fourth l ate;
The answer to which is like Columbus s
egg problem very easy when one has learned
what it is--Insatate
Stephen Pearl Andrews says: Nothing
in the concrete sphere is ever divided by
clear cut, geometrieal lines Hence here is
overlapping and mere preponderance and in.
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