The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1870-09-23
Iowa PLAIN DEALER.


A time server--The town clock.
The oldest rcvolver--The earth.
Meet for repentance---tough beef.
The floating populatiou--Sailors.
A hand-to-hand affair-Marriage.
Bill Of the pc riod--the mosquitoes.
Our absent-teas--Thos Q in China.
The ch,ldren's kingdom-Lapland.
High words-Dialogue in balloon.
Contrabaud Of war-the pipe Of
peace.
A rare mini-Slind your own busi-
ness.
A crack shot-One that splits the
target.
Uneasy resting place--"the seat
Of war;"
Man is like a potato, never sure
when he will get into hot water.
Holland has about twelve thousand
wind-mills, and blows about them.
The way to get good wife-Get q
good girl, and 60 to the parson.
Kate Field sticks to it that she is
notmarried. She ought to know.
Tho lady who bordered on listrac.
tionis going to try real thread lace.
tits mistake to suppose tho sun
supported in the sky by its beams.
When unmarried ladies get votes,
what will their rule be but Miss-rule?
What a man wants-all he can get.
What woman wants-all she can't
get. E.
When girl falls in love with an
unlucky Irishman her heart always
goes pity-Pat.
A reason given for the small vote Of
Montana is that nearly all the males
are miners.
Why is person of an even temper
like Greek fire Because you can t
put him out.
A gay Philadelphia youth has been
lined eight dollars for an assault with
intent to kiss"
Hops. in the country, run on poles,
oat~at the summer resorts they arc
spread on the floor.
Which is preferable, the right man
in atight place, or tight one in the
right place?
Why are types like criminals? be-
cause it amt proper to lock them up
without proof.
There is a Piousville in New York
State. This is probably where tho
pious villains come from.
The Boston reporters talks Of got
ting out q new badge. The design
will be pump, in active motion.
The proprietor of certain news
paper walks five miles every morning
to keep up bis circulation.
A correspondent wonders if the
knights of Py.hias are descendants
ofthe patriots Damon and Ply thias?
A thief, who lately broke open a
grocer's warehouse, excused himself
on the plea that he only went to take
tea.
Don Piatt speaks of tho admission
Of Senator Rcvels as turning the seat
Of Jefferson Davis, into q BARRIERS
chair.
You are too no-ing by half" as
John Benjamin said to Hannah Maria,
when she refused him.
When did Noah go into the wine
business ? He made port about forty
days after the deluge began.
Quite out of season--for a LADY
to present a gentleman with the nit
ten at tho present tropical period.
Meteorological query-When is the
worst weather for rats and micc.-
When it rains cats and dogs.
Why does the minister have more
wives than any one else? Because
ne often marries couple at q time.
The fellow who attem pit ed to "cloak
his SIM" found that be couldn't be-
gin to get garment large enough.
A constant reader writes to as.
certain if the cold should er SO often
given to poor dependents is baked or
roasted.
1t doesn't follow because q man is
after . cobbler that he wants his
boots tapped. The tap may be in an
other direction.
The latest hair rcstorer out is that
Of thief, who stole a quantity of
wigs and afterwards returned them to
the owner.
A woman isn't fit to have a baby
who doesn't know how to hold it; and
this is as true ola tongue as of baby.
Although jenkins says he only
eats once day, still he says hc has
three meals-ryc meal, Indian meal,
aud mealy potatoes.
A correspondent asks what is the
Big Horn Expedition" tits an ex-
N0difinn aronnl tnxuc 1oto C,.l