The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-05-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

many, on his 1rst visit to an American
church, had q contribution box with
. hole in the top presented to him, and
whispered to tile collector, u don't got
mein bapers, INT cant vote"
Somebody in Keoku,S accusing
.j,rs Stanton ocblundering in her gram.
mar, that inlomitahle woman replied,
THAT is nothing; we women have no
hand in making these gramnays, and
ten to one they are all wrong"
First young lady--"so poor Susan
is dead:' Second young lady--"Tcs,
poor thing, Sac suffered terribly, did
yhe not2 And only think. she couldn't
wear the, beautiful silk dress her moth.
+ gave her. and i, is too sAcrt for her
sister,"
"A gentleman who wssvery ze'lou'
IN the subject of horses, bnt not ac-
,ording to knowledge, bought mare
1t auction and rode her home. "Weli,
ca ssar," said he to his sable coachman,
''wuat d, yuu thluk vi her: Sac cost
me five bundled dollars Dunno,
MASTER Yes, but what do you
think Y We'll, mNssN, it makes me
Jnk of what the minister said yester-
,lay--sonething about his money -
soon ported. / dog. member de fust
palt."
- President Lincoin once said that
the best story he ever read in the pG.
pers of Limsplt was this: 1.-TWO Qua
hcresses were travelling on the railroad
and were heard discussing the probable
termination Of the war. j think said
the first, that Jefferson will succeed
'Why does thee think soY asked the
other Because Jefferson is praying
man And 50 is Abraham pray lng
man. objected the second. YES, but
Jhe Lord will think Abraham is joking,
the first replied. conclusycly."
---Alan (forycry wise reasoHs) warn's
built until all other things were flushed
and pronounced good. If man had
bin made fust, he would have insisted
upon tossing the rest OF the job He
probably would have objected to hav.
ing euny little bzzy ants at all, and va
rious other o4jecksAuns would hav bin
offered equally green. l am glad that
man WIZ the last thing made, If man
hadn't Din made at oil, you never would
hav heard me fad emmy fault with it,
I haven't much iaith in man; not b..
!;ausc he kant DO wtll, but bekause he
won't,-JoSh Billings.
--"What have you got that's good"
said hungry traveller, As he seated
hilaself at q diuner table in Salt Lake
City,
Oh, we've got roast beet, corn beef,
roast mutton, boiled ham, fried ham,
nd broiled curlcw.'
What is curlew =
"Curicw why curlew is bird some
ding like a snipe.'
Could it ny?"
Yes"
Did it hay: Hingsf'
Yes"
"Then don't want any curlew 10
nine; ANYTHING that had wings and
'oull h,', and didn't leave this damned
country, l don't want for dinner
"A few days ago very starchly
dressed Individual called at all out.of.
the way shop on Howard street, New
Orleans, over which swung the sign Of
DR.. Jtifries.
Is the Doctor in?' he inquired of
dilapidated old buck daraey who au.
swcrec his summons.
HE nm dat, sir" was the smiling
rejoinder.
"Teii him | have symptoms Of small
pox and wish to consult him.
The whites of the negro's eyes grew
intense, anu his dusky complexion as.
sumed rapidly a creamy hue.
"Golly, boss, what you say?"
Tell the Doctor I'm sick with the
small-p -pox. and wish to see him"
The astonished African gave a wild
leap, and darting through an inner
door, slamming it in the visitors face,
cried out:
Leave dis yer house; don't want
no smallpox"
"But--thc Doctor?"
"Golly, boss, Use the doctor, but I
amt good at smallpox"
The privileges of stockholders are
by a paragraph clipped from
. Paris letter: 1.-TWO gentlemen we're
,hattipg on the Boulevard. One was q
great speculator, developing the plan
'f Il magnificent project, the other
lazzled capitalist, ready to snap at the
,at. He hesitated little, but was Just
when near these two passed
couple of youngsters Of twelve years.
they were looking into tobacco shop
close by. aud one cried out to the other: