West-Jersey pioneer., 1870-04-15
a EULoGY ON WOMAN.
BY MARK TWAIN.

At dinner given at the Correspond
ents' Club, at Washington, "Mark Twain"
was called on to respond to the usual toast
to the "Women," which he did in the
following Characteristic style:
"Mr. President IL do not know why
I should have been singled out to re-
ceive the greatest distinction of the eve-
ning-for SO the Office Of replying to the
toast to women has been regarded in
every age, (Applause.) I do not know
why have received such distinction,
unless it be that am triHe less homely
than the ether members of the Club.
But be that as it may, Mr.. President, 1
am proud Of the position, and you could
not choose any one who would have ac-
cepted it more gladly, or labored with
heartier goodwill to do the subject JUS
tice than 1. Becansc, sir, love the sex.
(Laughter.) l love all the women
(Laughter.)
Human intelligence cannot estimate
what we owe to woman, sir. She sews
on our buttons, daughter, she mends our
clothes, Daughter. she ropes us in at the
church fairs she confides in us; she
tells us whatever she can find out about
the little private affairs of the neighbors;
she gives us good advice-and plenty of
it; she gives US piece of her mind
sometimes sometimes all of it; she
soothes our aching brows she bears our
children. In all the relations of life,
sir, it is but a just and grateful tribute
to woman, to say OF her that she is
brick. (Great Laughter.) ai3s
Wheresoever you place woman, sir
in whatever position or estate, she is an
ornament to the place she occupies, and
treasure to the world. (Here Mr..
Twain paused, looked inquiringly at his
hearers, and remarked that the applause
should come in at this point. 1t came
in. Mr.. Twain resumed his eulogy.1
Look at the noble names of history!
Look at Cleopatra look at Florence
Nightingale look at Desdemona look
at Joan of Arc look at Lucretia Bor-
gia! (Disapprobation expressed Well,
said Mr.. Twain, scratching his head,
doubtfully, suppose we let Lucretia
slide. Look at Joyce Heath! look at
Mother Eve! (Cries of Oh! Oh y
You need not look at her unless you
want to, but (said Mr.. Twain, reaectively,
after pause Eve was ornamental, sir;
particularly before the fashions changed.
| repeat, sir, look at the illustrious names
of history. Look at the Widow Machree!
Look at Lucy Stone look at Elizabeth
Cady Stanton look at George Francis
Train F.! (Great Laughter.) i4e
repeat, sir, that in whatsoever posi-
tion you place woman she is an ornament
| to society and a treasure to the world.
As sweetheart she has few equals, anu
| no superiors, daughter as a cousin she
is convenient; as wealthy aunt, with
an incurable distemper, she is precious
as young and blushing bride she has no
equal among men Laughter. va
What, sir, would the people of the
earth be without woman
They would be scarce, sir-almighty
scarce Then let us cherish her-let US
protect her-let us give her our support,
our encouragement, our sympathy-our-
selves, if we can get the chance! Great
Laughter.
But, jesting aside, Mr.. President,
woman is lovable, gracious, kind of heart,
beautiful-worthy of all respect, Of all
esteem, of all Difference. Not any here
will refuse to drink her health right cor
daily, for each and every one of us has
personally known and loved and honored
the very best of all, his mother.