Smyrna times., 1870-01-26

small one !" LET him squeal," said George.
g eau hold him." The old man, excited:
" Take the samal onel'' "I'll risk his bit
ing" replied George. Old man desperate,
and as loud as he can below: "TaEe the
small onel" g Let him squeal; can hold
you deaf cuss; l cant make you hear any
thing. George carried off the pig in triumph.
Said male advocate of woman's rights,
when am in a crowded omnibus, and la
dy comes in, | think it is the duty of some
other man to get up and give her his seat
look around the omnibus to see if anv man in
the crowd looks like making move in that di-
r,-tion and when l see them all keep their
seats, hide my face behind my newspaper
and blush tor my sex
Has that gal got fts?" asked an old far.
mcr who had paused to see a young lady go
through with her calisthenic exercises in the
garden. " No, replied the servant girl, that's
jimnastics. So" said the farmer in a pity.
ing tone, poor thing; how long she had emp
A boy of seven years went into barber shop
in Racine, Wis, and ordered barber to cut
his hair as close as shears could do it. He was
askedif his mother ordered it that way. NO"
said he, but school commences next week,
and we've got school ma am that pulls hair. =
Josh Billings has issued supplement to his
famous essay on the mule Here it is iu tull
=" The mevl is a larger burd than the guese
or turkey. 1t has two legs to walk with and
two more to kick with, and it wears its wings
on the side of its head.
The local editor of Columbus miss. paper
having recently got married, a cOtemporary
says: =" May his father-in-law die rich and en-
able poor Stevens to retire from the printing
] b,VOi nd shoy
station.
| Josh Billings says: "When spiders are
seen climbing up the wall ckward, and frogs
cough as il they had the kickups, look out for
rain. This is also sure sign that children will
have the measles light.
The editor Of the Weston Missouri Land
! Mark asks his readers to excuse the looks of
! his paper, as he is in bed from the effects of
fight with delinquent subscriber.
A man was induced to sign the pledge at
| Wheeling, last week, by a photographer pre-
senting him with his picture, taken in spiritual
repose in the gutter.
Jones said to Nibbles, Poor Lucinda took
tn circumstance very much to heart" Nib
blcs replied: Did she indeed? The dear
girii wish was that circumstance.
1t is curious that although the rain Keeps
thousands away from church on Sunday, it does
not deter a single man from attending to buSi-
ness on week days.
In describing a new organ country editor
says: "The swell died away in delicious suf-
ocation, like one singing a sweet song under the
bed clothes"
Bridget, what became of the tallow l
CREASED my boots with this mOrning2 Z" l fried
the buckwheat in it." Oh, Was afraid you
had wasted it.
Not for Josephus," as that worthy hiSto-
rian playlully observed when some funny Jews
attempted to cram him with stories for his OWE
work.
A lady, who was strict observer Of etiquette
being unable to attend church, one Sunday
sent her card.
If girls are divinities, as some Aattering wri
ters declare, are we to regard female Senina
ries as divinity y-schools?
Perplcxed Pedestrian" Bub, which is the
quickest way for me to get to the Depot &
Accommodating boy. Run.
An old trapper of Arizona, who has Just
= scalped his fifteenth Indian, says: " It's GOOD
Staying out here this season.
Il like to read epgrams against us women, >
! suid Mrs. Clever. "When a cuprit clamks hil
) chains you know that they are on him.
The gifts at tin wedding at Ripley, Ohio
numbered one hundred and ninety six different
articles, including water spout.
A Western paper, in recommending a candi
date for office, said that during the rebellion b,
t received wounds enough to kill a mule .
If you would find great many faults. he o,
the look out If you would find them in still
greater abundance, be on the look in.
About as dangerous a net as q fellow ca
fall in with, is a brunette.
F.; "Pve lost flesh, as the butcher said whe
Q his cart was robbed.
Counter observation-disclosures lady clerks
Dsarsr than Objectionable funerals.