The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-10-15
PEPPER AND SALT.

building committee of the Presbyterian church
the propriety of surmounting the steeple of their
church with kangaroo. The Republican, sug-
gests that the local of the FREE TRADER is mot
a fit ornament for such building The COM
mite, acting on that advice, have rejected our
kangaroo and in order to make the thing as hid
eous possible, have accepted the pie cat of the
Republican "There is no accounting for taste,
you know" 1t takes muscle to chew gum,
The young ladies who chew the stitch, do it to
cultivate their jaws, as to be prepared TO make
things howl for their future hubbs," you see
-. Cold weather has appeared, and overcoats
and mittens are at a premium. Now that strict
ly lrot,tne amusement known as putting up
stove-ppes will prevail we advise all who ex-
pect to engaged in this sport, to get their "cuss
words" handy. 1t is impossible to make stove
pipe fit without a good deal of judicious swear.
ing. Our experience is that ordinary "plauge-
on it's" gosh.ding-its," " swows," "dum.its,'
and all like mild expletives, are no account
whatever, as applied TO an obstinate stove pipe.
... Cummins, not because of any "short com.
ins," has left the Republican ofiiae, and the new
local" we learn is NJ ster Eddie Nattinger.
Here's our hand, "Bub" ....A couple OF jolly
coves up at Serena the ether day, each belonging
that style of "plug ugly known as heavy
ishts," got up bet of lager for two, as to
which commanded in his own person the most
averdupois They repaired to store which has
saloon attachment, and were weighed. The
difference was but just an ounce. The light
man demanded that the other should remove his
necktie to make things fair He did, and was
too light. He demanded the other should do
likewise. He did, but still neither being salts
fled each caused the other to remove first one
garment and then another. and each time each
was weighed, until-horrhIe to relate,they were
both stripped AZ " bare 4, bodkins." Nearly all
the little boys in town gathered around and
"peeked in" through crack in the
wall, the doors being locked,) and had lots
of fun looking at the fat boy, show! We
will have about sixty-tw, fuper Is on the Fox
River Railroad shortly, mp about the switches.
That is about the number of little boys who
continually climb on the when in motion,
and all will be killed sooner Or LATER 1t don't
matter much about KILN. the bad little boys,
but it would be very iaconvenient to the Com.
pauy to have the track missed up you know.
1.-Two jolly Hunters ut five spotted DIGESTIVE
two.barreled shot gun. Ave powder TASKS FIVE
other TASKS. five ~. fall pf-Giier, five bottles
of-tooth- wash, five demi. Johns of-milk, I'VE
know it was milk, because they got it at Cards,
Gya - ooppa1 yrui {,..ph brandy n
cents worth of cheese, and five jugs of-sooth-
ing syrup, and started on a grand hunt. They
were !, g up to Lake Superior, to be
gone five weeks, and come back with not Tess
f-i-v-e car loads of game, ''or," they said, ''if
they aldnt, they would each and severally eat a
days; didn't see much game; game is deuced
sserce-you see )" got out OF " vermifuge, &c."
aud returned without any game, except what
game the boys around town are making of
them! Even the mules have come to hear OF
the threats these valiant heroes made before they
started, and now whenever mule sees one of
these boys, it goes up to him aud lifts up its
melancholy voice in song, and says "Wha-a-a-a
zeck! zeck. zeck !--a-aah!". -. A gentleman
from "beyant the sails " was delivering coal up
stairs, to some law Office over Griggs' drug store,
one day lately, when 10y mishap he dropped
big box full-box and all, on DR.. Mariners au-
tomato tw movement coucern, we don't know
its other name. The apparatus being made
chiefly of glass, was " smashed TO smithereens'
Pit eyed the ruins doletully, and then excain-
eli "Ah bah we grinning blaggard--lie there
aud ait glass and coal awhile That same'-
bother nor anything yes iver ait before we
have often noticed that autom ton chawiny away
on nothing, aud have reg ,rded it as a waste of
muscle. The doctor should have kept it chew
ing gum. -. For a cheap job in the line of black.
smithing, or any coarse common work, 90 to the
Republican, Office in this city. That Office by u
scratch, took the second premium job print
ing, though their job-ist came all the way from
sAMer!" They would not have got the Sec
ond premium even, had there been any other
second.cass represented. The FREE TRADER
got the FIRST premium, of course 80. Business
is awful thin Tin the police courts in this city
so thin that the Justices contemplate reduc.
ton of prices, according to the following
"bill Of fare" A common elevation" 50 ;
"half seas over" SO; "plain drunk" $3.50 ;
"drunk and disorderly," 81; "chronic drunk"
S.; "howling drunk" $3.50; "stupid drunk
So; "stuck.in.the.gutter,' $3.50; Fighting
drunk" s.; breach of the peace" SO; breach
of the same peace twice, SOC extra; resisting an
officer 81 resisting two officers Doc Asa fur.