Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1870-08-04
MISCELLANEOUS TTEAs.

Insurance Company of New York.
A PRISONER was examined in court and
contradicted himself. "Why do you lie
So" asked the Judge. Haven't you q
lawyer"
THE Directors of the Washington Life
are some of our best and most reliable
men in the city. THOMAS CARLTON, Meth
,odist Book Concern, New York.
An exchange notes, as the most har-
| rowing" sight it ever saw, the spectacle
| of a gentleman in q dress suit OF black
narrowing in a field, with a tall plug
hat on
"MIss Brown, I have been to learn
how TO tell fortunes" said a young man
to a brisk brunette; "just give me your
how very sudden you are; well, go and
ask pa"
"Do you see that fellow lounging
there2" said pumpkins, the other day.
Eyes. How does he manage to hve-by
his wits? "Oh, mol he's a cannibal."
ga canniball How ?" "He lives on other
people" was BIS reply, as he vanished
around the corner.
Hon. HIRAM APPLEMAN, ofMystic, CT,
recently forwarded a letter to a neighbor-
ing town, requesting the Postmaster to
deliver it To any respectable attorney"
After 10 days 1t was returned with the
significant endorsement "None here"
THE census takers in different parts of
the country are collecting some very Gu
rious information. They find that the
highest age attained by unmarried women
is twenty. six years. 1t isWel1to have the
point at which they cease growing older
definitely ixed& - g
MISS WILKINS was a beautiful blonde,
and she wanted to go to NewpoFt-so she
told her mother-to looks for something
particular for her dear q and what
is 1t, pray" asked her mother, sthat you
wish so mach to find for your dear papa p
CA son in law" was the gentle reply of
the blushing maiden. c.
e. LIKE to see the dear little creatures
amusing themselves" said Mrs-Brown,
when her elder observation-disclosures new
bonnet and affixed it to the tail of his
kite, "NeVer fear" said the good matron
to her visitor, when she saw her bonnet
in the air, "as soon as the kite comes
down he will give it to YOU
A HOUSE, formerly occupied by an emil
nent barrister in Red Lion Square, hay=.
ing been rentedby an ironmonger, Erskine
This house, where once aIaKyer dwell,
Il now a SMITHS, alasl s
How rapidly the iron age elz5
7 Succeeds the age Of 6rdss! 81
/. AMONG the recreations allowed to the
convicts in the Rhode leland State prison
on the Fourth was jumping over a hori-
zontal bar. "You jump very well" re-
marked a bystander to an agile convict.
" Oh, this is nothing" replied b convict;
II expectto go over the prison walls be-
fore 1 get through" ,
In the palmy days of the Edin5sTah Re-
Vietc, Sydney Smith happened one day to
call on a colleague, whom he found, to
his surprise, reading a book preparatory
to reviewing it Having expressed his
establishment in the strongest terms, his
friend inquired how he managed when
performing his office of critic. "Oh,''
said Sydney, 81 never read a book before
reviewing it-it preiudices one So"
AGLAseow merchant, on his death-bed
aent for a Free Church clergyman. Hav-
ing some fears regarding his future pros
poets, he asked the reverend gentleman /:
/" Do you think if Iwere to leave $4,000
to the Free Kirk that Ny soul would be
saved ?" "Well," answered the cautious
minister, 81 couldn't just promise you
that, but 1 think it's an experiment well
worth trying"
Mr.. FARRAR, of Dover, N. H, was
firing a small cannon at the side of the
river, on the Fourth, and by some freak
took q notion to put his watch into the
muzz'e of the gun, holding on to the
chain. Bang went b gun, and off went
the watch, the owner knew not for the
Gm0 Wn1I1er, Dub II WAS p1cKeQ up curing
the day ON the other side of the Cocheco,
with no other damage, it is said, than
being minus a crystal, and is now doing q
good business as d time-keeper..
DURING the great fire at Constantinople
a woman darted into a friends house at a
distance from the flames, hugging some
thing in her arms, and exclaiming /:
THANK God I've saved my child My
plate is down in the well, and that can be
got at when the fire is over" A piercing
shrek Immediately followed, for, looking
down, she found that what she held in
her arms was only her plate tied up in her
handkerchief, and that in her bewilder-
ment and hurry she had thrown into the
well her own infantl
THE Detroit Tribune says that a resi-
dent of hat city, who lives on a fashiona-
BILE thoroughfare, observed aman whom
heidi not care to see coming towards his
door, and hurriedlY instructed Bridget TO
tell the person he was not at home.
AN right, sir,p said Bridget, as she made
haste to answer the door bell. els Mr..
- at homer" inquired the caller.
D." Faith, an he's gone out, responded the
obedient servant. when will he be at
homer" asked the man at the door.
"Hould on a minnit," put in Bridget,
''9aas 1 U G1 him !'
s"AHEM Ephraim. heard something
about you" LA, now, Miss Sophrina,
you don't say so ?" eyes, indeed, and a
greatmany said it, too" LA, now, what
isit,SMiss Sophrina ?' sob I dear, Ican,t
tettyou" turning away her head( "Oh,
do now" ooh, no, 1 can't" "Oh, yes,
do, Miss sophrina?" "Well, I heard thai
-oh, 1 can't tell you" "Ah, yes, come
now, do" (tsking her handy "Wen, 1
didn't say it, but I heard that" eRhais"
tpntting ar arm around her waist.) "Oh,
don't squeeze me sol 1 heard that-that
Turning her blue eyes full upon
tEphraim's) that-you and I were to be
married, Ephraimlsr SEo IIA rr "A
TIA MOST singular will has Just been
opened in Venice A rich old bachelor
has bequeathed his entire fortune to a
distant relative. a very pretty young lady,
nineteen years of age, and not left a shil-
ling to all his nearer relations. So far
there is nothing singular about it. But it
happened that the l~testator had been en-
dowed by nature with a fearful hump on
his back and clump foot. Now he puts the
condition that she must marry a man en-
with similar ornaments if she
wishes tOstOuch the estate. The richtful