Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-12-01
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

FooD FOR THE IMAGINATIoN.-Fanc
Bread
THE FIRST WAGER ON REcoRD.-The
alphabet.
DEAD REcKoNING.-An undertaker's
account.
A GooD INyEsTMENT.-A policy in the
Washington Life.
WHEN is a lot of corn like oorner-lot?
When it's ground.
STAGE-DRIvERs look upon rainy days
as peculiarly fare weather.
WHAT relation does tenant bear to his
| landlord? A parental relation.
WHEN is the moon in a bad financial
condition? When she is in her last quar-
ter.
THE preachers fee at fashionable we'd
ding in New York ranges from $50 to
$500.
THIRTEEN MILLIONS worth of pianos
| and cabinet-OrganS are annually sold in
this country.
| Sort soap, in some shape, plcases all J;
and, generally speaking, the more lye you
put into it the better
PROVIDE for your own household, and
do so by insuring in the Mutual Life In
s'lrance Company, of Chicago.
THE youngest burglar in America halls
from Troy. His age is nine years, and his
name is Patrick Carmody.
"THE last of $780," was the valedictory
written by New Orleans chap on the
back of bill before he passed it for
drinks.
A BosToN chemist says that burnt sole
leather enters largely into the composition
of the ginger put up in packages
SINCE the opening of the present cen
tury, eighty-six English patents, and
twenty-thrce French Ones for perpetual
motion, have been granted or applied for.
A LITTLE two year old jersey youngster
was saying Nov lay me down to Sleep"
the other night, and concluding that amen
was incorrect in his case, amended it by
saying a-boy.
They have musical prodigy in Boston
in the shape of a three carold violinist,
whose performances are said to be truly
wonderful. LIE is called Master James
Speight.
A YOUNG lady having called out an ugly
gentleman to dance with her, he was
astonished at the condescension, and be-
licving that she was in love with him, de-
sired to know why she had selected him
from the rest of the company Because,
sir" replied the lady, my husband COM
manded me TO select such partner as
would not give him cause for jealousy"
THE Coroner's jury in the case of Har-
riet Stewart, colored woman, in Provi-
dencc, r. l., who was fatally poisoned re-
Gently, by the mistake of an incompetent
druggists clerk, are of the opinion that
"All prescriptions should be written in
plain English discarding the present mode
of a dead language and characters not read
lily understood, and liable to result in mis-
takes"
A COUNTRY apothecary, not little dis
tinguished for his impudence, in the hope
Of disconcerting a young clergyman whom
he knew to be a man of singular modesty,
asked him in the presence of large com
pany, at public assembly, "Why did the
patriarchs of old live to such an old age?"
To which the clergyman replied: 81 sup
pose the ancient patriarchs took no
physic."
A STORY is told Of an ancient Mohawk
notion that some great misfortune would
happen II any one spoke on Saratoga Lake.
A rong-minded English woman, while
being ferried over, insisted upon talking,
and MS soon as she got over in safety, raj
lied her boatman on his superstition. But
he had the best of it, for he at once re-
piled, "The Great Spirit is merciful, and
knows that white woman cannot hold
her tongue"
A SAN FRANCISCO man saturated rat
with kerosene oil and let him loose, think
ing he would convey certain valuable in
formation to other rats, and they would
leave the premises The fire department
were promptly on the ground but could
not save the house. The man says il oc-
CURED to him what mistake he had made
as soon as he saw the fire coming up
through the cracks in the floor.
The ten largest libraries in the United
States, with the number Of books in each,
are as follows: Library of Congress, 1885,
000 Boston Public Library, $4,000; As
tor Library, New York, 138000; Harvard
Library, Cambridge, $4,000; Mercantile
Library, Boston, 100000; Philadelphia
Library, So 900; New York Society Library,
$1,000; Yale College Library, $4,000,
THE Lowell (Mass) Courier is response
BILE for the following fish story: ANDREW
Sheffield, who lived on East Pine street, in
this city, cut the head off large mud
turtle this past summer, and two days af-
forwards, hearing a great noise among the
domestic animals in his garden, he found
that cat had been playing with the tur-
ties head, when the head, in retaliation, at
tackled the cat, attaching itself to the fe-
lines head, causing the animal much pain
1t was with great difficulty that Mr.. Shelf
field opened the turtles mouth and dis
engaged its grip on the frightened quad
uped"
AN unhappy gentleman at Canandaigua
owns an elephant. 1t is as unsatisfactory
a piece of property as the white one drawn
by the luckless shoemaker Of the story. |
Being sick, it is probably somewhat pale,
if not positively white. Among its princi-
pal ailments at present are Group, bron-
chitis, rheumatism, and inflammation Of the
trunk-or chest, perhaps Taking medi-
cine by the barrel, it has already exhausted
one apothecary shop, and If the doctor
makes his bill according to the size of the
patient and length of prescription, the pro-
prietor has moral certainty OF bank
ruptcy.
WHEN an Arab woman intends marry
ing again after the death Of her husband,
r. n. L.