The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1870-02-24
An Incident of the Presidents Dinner.
WASHINGTON, Feb. IL.


This Is queer place-a very queer
place, Us everybody knows who has been
here, and everybody believes who hasn't
Materials for biography accumulateS so
fast that hope distinguished gentlemen,
autobiographically inclined, who accept
nominations for Congress, will stlpulatC
with their constituents to serve no longer
than one term. think some such ar-
rangcmcnt would bO tho fair thing to pos
terily. A distinguished member from
your own State related 10 ME the follow
ing bit Of personal experience, which |
relishel none the less on account Of Sc
Cret which Il revealed touching his mp
pearanCe TINT had never imagined. Amer
this fashion lie spoke: | was returning
lcisurely along the avenue from the capt.
tal, yesterday afternoon, cngrOssed In my
thoughts and watching the wrcatlls Of
smoke tint gracefully curled from NUM-
Der Partagas which the President had
given me to try, when at the corner OF
Sixth street my attention was attracted by
the movements Of IN urchin who was
wringing his hands and gazing up and
down the avenue with evident CagerneSs
and anxiety. As soon as he saw me his
face lost It's anxious expression, and nn-
ming up 10 me half breathless be ex-
claimed:
"Oh sir, she told me TO tell yer to come
right away. Shes bin a lapsin' and she'd
thought yer'd come long agow
"Who-whiCll-whNt!" I burst forth,
somewhat confused by the suddencss Of
the call and dropping my cigar as l spoke.
"YGs sir-slG-shG described yer TO nc
"a man with u black eye and red whisk.
crs."
"BIack eye and red whiskers r I ejacu.
lated with Misunderstanding but u few
day'sbeiorc submitted my luXuriant beard
to6n ordeal ofglossy blaCkat fashionable
barbCrs-"Iicd wLliskers impossible |"
and without waiting to ascertain the
object Of the little vagabOnd's exhortation,
! made for the establishment Of my tonso-
riul Tantalus, and there, sure enough, in
the first glass which reflected my image,
| stood confessed In all the mixed deGOr-
nifty Ofmy natural hair. ! turned upon
the supposed author Of my calamity, who
was Mt the time bandishing his razor in
artistic parabolas about the chin Of Sena.
tor Sumner, and Rngrily demanded, "Tell
Inc, sir, how Is this y
lie appeared horrOr-stricken at seeing
me, and TREMENDOUSLY gasped out:
ooh, sir, you have bcen-you have been
been
"Where havc been p? and why do you
askY :
MY dear sir, pardon me-but you have
been ut the Presidents dinner"
The remark staggered me; for how
should the fellow know tlis-and what
had 1t TO do with the horrible mCtamor.
phOsis my beard Ind undergone. lie
started forward, grOspcd my hand, pecred
into my face anxionsly, and cxcitclly
asked:
"You drank no cofTee%
mo"
"You drank no lca!"
mot drop"
"Ybu drank no whisky%
"Ycs, you bet; every time"
"Ah, In, then" he shouted dCmoniacal-
"; "yOur whiSkGrs arc poisoned, sir-out-
rngcOusly poisoned, and the whisky did It.
| dyed three Senators and four members Of
Congress for that COMPOUNDED dinner, and
every one Of them came to nc within
twCnty.four hours after Cursing likCtroop-
crs, and with boards that SPAWNED their
faces liks rainbow. Itwas all owing To
the Internal whisky, sir; and though |
never swear, you will permit nc TO say
that for the Inst two days | have done
scarcely anything else hut damn the
wretch who furnished IL"