New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1870-05-19
THE Mysterious vALIsE.
a story of n Travelers' Troubles as Il
lated by Him elf.
rErou the Nilwaukea WisconsiD.1

"A story of n TravelerI Troubles as Re
lated by Him elf.
from the Milwaukee Wisconsin,
This morning there came to US legal
gentleman of the city, who, contrary to his
usual practice, had lost his temper. In
deed, ne seemed SO very much out of humor
that we thought something ont of the usual
course very far out-had transpired to
trouble him. Said the gentleman, and he
said it very brusquely, as if he meant it,
want you to give those baggagemen
thunder"
The gentleman surprised us; we at
tempted to explain to him that baggage
men were, on the whole, a pretty good set
Of fellows-that they had their trials and
grievances like the rest of mankind, and
that if they occasionally lost their temper
it was not entirely their fault; but the
legal gentleman broke in upon us with the
exclamation that be didn't care about their
temper. "They are COMPOUNDED stupid
pack, and they ought to be kicked, every
one of them" We stopped him as soon
we could, and then asked him what under
the sun was the matter. I'll tell you"
he said, sand then if you don't say that l
owe those baggagemen a grudge for the
trouble their carelessness has caused me,
I'll say not another word.
ga few days ago had my vaise packed
and went off to Madison to attend a case
Upon returning, my vaIise was given
me by the baggage-master-the internal
scoundrel-and went home. My wife de-
sired to take it to look after my clothes,
but as there were some important papers
In the valise said she must wait. Now,
whenever l had returned before she al
ways took took it from me as | went in,
and woman-like. she seems to have
thought there was a secret about the
valise-confound the baggage.man. Well,
Just es quick as my back was turned off
went the valise to the chamber and into
it went my wife's fingers. Ten minutes
later there was a scream echoing through
the house that would have aroused night
Waterman from his dreams. I rushed up
stairs, and what do you suppose l saw
confound that baggage man! There was
my wife stretched on the floor in hys-
terics, and there was my valise wide open
on the floor and showing very plainly the
following table of contents:
An empty whisky bottle.
Two packs of cards..
Photographs of four young ladies that
ought to be ashamed of themselves.
A lady's shawl.
A whole apothecary's shop on small
scale.
Three dime novels.
Two blood and thunder papers.
A dice box.
Another pack of cards.
Two faro chips.
And : don't how much more of lust
such trash. do know that the valise-my
valise-was full of just such traps, and my
wife had seen them all-handled them ali.
and then gone off into Mysteries.
! tried to bring her back to her senses,
but if she came back far enough to open
her eyes, she pointed sort of spasmodcally ,
ct the valse and then with double yell
went off again. 1 tell you was mad. I
just walked up and down that apartment
and cursed blue streak. l think if
had met that baggage-man then ] should
have fully impressed upon his mind the be-
lief that he had been visited by collision.
The maid put my wife to bed, and went |
down street swearing. When I came back |
the room was locked and was locked out |
The maids looked at me as if / had been
doing something wicked, aud the children
skunk away as if l wanted to eat them
confound that blggage-man.
l finally got the door of the room open,
and asked my wife what this all meant |
She burst into tears and pointed at the |
valjse. And do you know That it took me |
all day to make her believe that it was all |
the fault of that concluded baggage man,
who had gone and changed hand trunks |
for me. l could not do it until bad gone
to the depot and spent hours in hunting
up my own baggage, and even then it took
q new bonnet and velvet cloak to en-
tirely dispel the cloud which that baggage
man had brought into my house. And
what do you think he said? Why, when |
told him all the mi.ery his carelessness |
had caused me, the fellow laughed-fairly |
laughed, and said they looked so much |
alike!