The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1870-01-21
ase I know of is one that occurred while

i Hd6 ltCtuTlIlH II one VI tne SOutncTn iotateS.
The subject ran o weekly newspaper
which his name was Ghilson. The morning
Of my arrival he entered my room ezclaim-
ing, Have the honor of beholding Jeems
Ship, the selibratcd humorist-the great
Momus & Comus of Virginny-l'ving fire Of
el'quence - walked living Tyre " festive
bull-frog an caused beautiful guinny-fowl
t. warble go putty. Is't he2" at ist," l
replied, with faint suspicion of his condi-
ton. Had he not spoken 30 sensibly I
should have said he was drunk but
judged his face to be naturally ruddy, and
that he had on impediment in his speech.
He asked for Whiskey which was furnished
him. lie resumed: eth object of my
witt to you, sir, IL t. make r'quesh. l
oc'py p'zishun ov candt for town school
mast'r; n l ask you to say word or two f'r
me in y'r lectue. Eff you do, I'll ed'cate
y'r childr'n, N gr'ndchildr'n, n grit
grandchildren, long as you live" That
he was drunk became more palpable.
More whiskey" was his cry. He con-
tinued: "An' as I'm on subjec' of egca-
shun I'll jess read you essay, which can
put in lecshur.'' He pulled out lengthy
looking document, and was about to read,
when interposed. "Sir," said l" I am
nervous, and my parents object to my hear
ing documents likely to excite my mind.
Won't you take some whiskey ?" He ac-
ceptcd the amendment, asked for dozen
free tickets, and left. That night he en-
tered the lecture hall followed by num-
Der Of small boys, whom he had had admit
ted at the rate Of two for each free ticket.
They occupied the, entire front row Of
benches. WhenI:appeared they applauded
immensely; aud Gbilson, giving me
familiar nod, said, -. Ship, old boy
don't f'get me Pm candit for
town schoolmaster." I commenced,
81 come from the land of George Wash
ington." Ghilson arose and said, "Now,
boys, hoo-ah for George" [Checrs from
boys.l "Now hoo-ah for Washington"
[Chcers.] "Now hoo-ah for George Wash
ington.'n [Cheers, long and loud.l Then,
nodding to me, he said, "Go Ship. got
'em or'right, old boy. Don't forgit bout
schoolmaster." I continued, and was in
terrupted at the end of each sentence.
When I got to the sentence, "And what we
looked upon as financial absurdity has
grown to be stern reality" he rose and
yelled, "Eehl Hoo-ah! Now, boys, hoo-ah
for stern necessity" Unable to bear it
longer, said, "Nlr. Ghilson, l thank you
for your appreciation, but must request
you to forbear. You overwhelm me-"
Giving me another of his familiar
winks and mods, he said, "No, l don't,
old boy. l jesh tell you, Ship, old boy,
goin ter hav besh time ever was. Eeh
Here's place git money buck. Hoo-ah
Less hay good (hic) time" Don't forgit
bout schoolmash, old boy. Now boys,
hoo-ah FIR Ship. [Chcers from small boys.l
Eeh! At this juncture was escorted from
the hall by the chief of the town guardians.
l have the satisfaction Of knowing that
Ghilson was not elected town schoolmastcr.
There is but one way for whiskcy to 60
when you drink it. Still every man will
tell you he has different way of drinking
it. If in old bum manages to drink through
an evening and be able to get to bel with
out being discovered by his bettcr-half he
will be sure to tell you that he has disco
yered way of drinking without getting
drunk. have heard men say, "Well, sir,
| tell you | can drink without being hurt by
il. l drink often, but take little at q
time" When you hear man talk that way
you may bet your bottom dollar that he
will be the object of funeral at no very
distant period. When man tells me that
drinking does not hurt him, cannot help
believing him. A man would hardly tell a
lie about 30 small q matter. And then,
when | look into his honest countenance
and mark the seraphic cast of features
given him by liquor, feel that human ex-
istcnce is short, and that the erroneous
opinions to the contrary notwithstanding
that is to say, 81 feel like n morning star"
The man who drinks habitually is bound
to be industrious-whenh he is out of money.
I have known them to work harder for o
"tod" than workingman will for q
weeks wages. I have known man to
stand in the cold and almost freeze to
death waiting for something to warm
him up" have read of a man who, wht he
was out of stamps, had to resort to
strategy. He would fall in so-called fit
on the street, and pin rlacard on his
breast inscribed thusly: "Do not bleed me.
Nv parents would not like it. Give me
whiskey and water" In this way he
managed to get respectfully drunk for three
DAYS. At the end of that time he was
awarded with quarters at the public's ex-
pense as On appreciation of his merits.
lie was indeed q loathsomc fraud. A man
will do many good things when he is drunk,
and he will also do mean things. knew
q man to give n beggar Horace Greelcy's
photograph, with tears in his eyes, when
asked for charity, while in q liberal mood,
having q considerable amount of whiskey
concealed about his person. Another one
put faro check in q charity contrlbu-
tion-box on Sunday while in the same
state. He was mean cuss, and l cannot
certify that his habits were good. But it
would be as easy for an elephant to go
through the eye of one of Sharps gold
eyed needles (Which this amt puff OF the
aforesaid ncedles) as for me to attempt to
enumcrate instances of this kind IN news
paper " ar-tichle."
70 conclude, as aforesaid. Drunkenness
is said to be ON the increase. Richmond is
as about as we'll "got up with " in this re-
spect as Manchester or any other place,
and so is New York, and so is every other
village. The increase of this vice is huge,
and has been since John Henry Noah, Esq,
proprietor of the celebrated ark and me-
nagerie (second only to Barnum's in the
known worldly, INDUCED in his first de-
Walton from the path of temperance:
That old gentleman, it is said, INDUCED
in @ dignifed spree. His festive son,
Hamilton Noah, (called Ham, for short')
made fun of his festive parient, and sang
- Shoe Fly" over his PROSTATE form: The
old man got angry, and condemned him to
be negro minstrel all his lifetime. That
ancient ditty, sung by the disrespectful
Hamilton, has lately been revived with con.
siderable success, owing to the absence of
old Mr.. Noah. If he could get up from hls
grave he would make it lively for those
so,,,Ioss coma of Hamilton who disport