The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1870-03-26

10 look OSQ1uQ anu llStGu4
Said a coneeited young lady, you
young men are q covet-us set.
When must Time hang up his
scythe? When he shall be nc mower.
Old maids arc described as "em-
ounter.irritants.-peopl who ex-
anime the w20le stock and buy moth
ing.
Every. bird pIeases US with his lay
especially the hen.
Natural fill .osophy.-'Let's have
another drink"
The man in debt for his shoes cal
not say that his sole is his own,
A Schenectady Justice Of the Peace
decides that a verbal contract is not
good without a stamp"
The negro possesses an advantage
over the white mamie can more eff
fectaally conceal a black eye.
A Snowman at Omaha exhibits one
of his eyes, preserved in q bottle,
which he tells the audience, was
g0uged out in a free fight in the early
days of this yere town."
Johnny is just beginning to learn
geography. He says that the Poles
live partly at one end of the globe and
partly at the other. He knows it is so
because it is marked on the map.
A tavern boaster the other day,
vaunting his knowledge of the world,
was asked by a wag at his elbow if be
bad been in Algebra. oh yes" said
he: Il onoe passed through it on the
Top Of a stage"
Ia reply to a young writer who
Wished to know which magazine would
give him the highest position quickest,
contemporary advised "a powder
, magazine, if you contribute a fiery ar
iele.
A Maine paper says that q man re-
,ently died in Pigeon Cove, of fine
mind and unusual benevolence and
atness, with high moral principles,
Weighing three hundred and eighty
pounds"
80 you are going to keep school?''
aid a young lady to her old aunt.
Well, FOR my part, sooner than do
hat. L would marry . widower with
Inc children" Il should prefer that
oyself," was the reply, but where is
he w%idower2'
Jack" said an old gentleman. II
ave heard one Of the most delightful
ermons ever delivered before a Chris
ian society. It carried me to the
yste Of Heaven" why didn't you
lodge in?' replied Jack, you will
lever have another such a chance"
a. gentleman inquired Of an hum
10 Hiberian the reason why his
auntrymen are so apt TO make bulls
I'll tell you that, your honor re-
died Paddy. I'VE never make bulls
u own language; it is when Wa
lpake English that we do 1T; so your
honor, they are English bulls, no
IRISH"
A darkey having been sent to Cal
iornia. thus speaks of his introduction
4 San Francisco: LAS Don as de,
au6ed In de ribber dar moufs began
8 WaEer to be on land, and as sooi
lev Waded to de shore, dey didn't Sc
tnv gold. bnt dey found such a larg
mDpiy of muffin to eat dat dar gum
cracked like baked clay in a brick
yard"
After the dance :-Uharles-Tell me
Laura. why that sadness? Tell M
WHY that look Of care? Why has ae.
that look of gladness that thy face wa
won't Ia year? Laura-Oharles, III
useless to dissemble; we'll my face ma
wear a frown for I've lost my larges
hairpin, and my chignon's comm
iOwnl
Dan" said a little four year oil
.giga me a sixpence to buy a monkey
We've got one monkey in the hous
now" replied his brother. who
It, Dan2" asked the little tello'
You" was the reply. Then gl'
me a sixpence to buy the monk'
some nuts" The brother could n,
resist.
A new Confederate note was late
asuC, to Butler, endorsed on the bac
Pass the bearer at Hells Gate. OIL
signed, Abraham Lincoln" a.
eountersigned. "B. f. Butler" ~
recipient of this favor examined
and remarked that the man who Sc
it had some common sense, 1t lea
for he knew that such currency wou
not pass even In hell without good
dorsers.
Old saws with new handles
rolling stone gatheTs-no credit,
laid as q foundation.
You cannot make q silk purse
ia seal-skin porte monnale.
A burnt ehild-should be treaI
with salad eli and w%adding.
Give a dog a bad name-and ht
learn to answer it as well as q
other.
A friend having pointed out
Sheridan that Lord Kenyon had
In aaleep az the first representa-
M Pizarro. and that. too, in the nj
If RoIla's fine speech 70 the PeruY
aoI1iers. the dramatist fell rat
anoTtiied: but instantly recover
his usual good humor, ne saiq: !
poor man, let him sleeps nc THINKS
is on the bench"
At a triai in an Alabama town
long since, one Of the witnesses,
nld iadv of some eighty years,
closely questioned by the oppo
eonnsel relative to the clearnes'
her evesight. Can yoa see y
said he. "Yes," was answe
How well can you see me2" per-
IA the lawyer. We'll enough,
Sod he lady. 40 see that sd
aeigLer q negEo an AnoiaAa d
asalleman. q answer 1Iu
.aoaa zoe house and siienesd the Q
gel