Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-06-24
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you lived in one,' was her reply.
A revivalist asked an African if he had
found the Lord 'Golly,' said Sambo, 'an
de Lord lost ?
A Vcrmonter who would smoke in the
barn is going to try ashes al fertilizer thif
Spring, and build a new one.
Sentimental youth "sIy dear Marie,
will you share my lot for life p Practical
girl. How many acres are there in your
lot, sir"
A Western lady is writing in favor Of linn
tied marriages. for given time, ranging
from one to three years, with the privilege
of renewal by mutual consent. ..
An original way of answering two ques-
tons at a time Here, Biddy, my darlin,
what's the time o'night. and where's the par
taty pudding?' ITS eight sir
Little four year-olds inquiry on first at
tending church, and seeing the rector in his
surplice Mamma, what does he wear his
mighty for?
A Boston paper mentions 40 individual
there who clasps his hands so fervently in
prayer that he can't get them open when the
contribution box is passed round
s'Mary, I am glad your heel has got well"
"Why 2" said Mary, opening her large blue
eyes with astonishment "Oh, nothing, !"
said Percy, "only see it's able to be OUT
A young officer who was always hard up,
being asked by lady whether he liked ba-
bies, replied that he did not think them very
interesting until they were able to stand a
loan
A new minister at New Bedford took a
stroll before breakfast on the first Sunday
he was there, and after walking a dozen
blocks was accosted by shabby looking in
dividual with you needn't look any further,
there amt a id saloon OPEN
A lady passing along the street, was met
by young man, who, in passing stepped
on her dress. Turning to the lad y, he re-
marked, Hoops take up too much ROOM
TO which the lady quickly replied, Not SO
much as whiskey, sir and passed on.
You are very stupid, Thomas said a
country teacher to little boy eight years old
You are like donkey; and what do they
do to cure them Of stupidity? 'They feed
them better and kick them less,' said the
arch little urchin.
A little girl hearing her mother say that
she was going to wear a dress trimmed with
bugles to party, innocently asked if the
bugles would blow, when she moved about
ooh, no. replied the mother, but your
father will blow when he hears that I've
bought Them
A youngster required to write compost
ton upon some portion Of the human body,
selected that which unites the head to the
shoulders, and expanded as follows: ga
throat is convenient to have, especially to
ROSTERS and ministers The former eats
corn, and crows with it; the latter breaches
through his'n, and then ties it up. This is
pretty much all which I can think Of about
necks"
A lady made her husband present of
silver drinking cup with an angel at the bot
tom. When she filled it for him he used to
drink it to the bottom, and she asked him
why he drank every drop. Because, Ducky,
[ long to see the dear little angel at the bot
TOM Upon which she had the angel taken
out and devil engraved at the bottom He
drank all the same, and she again asked
him the reason. Because, I won't leave
the old devil drop he replied
Farmer B. was sitting in the country
church. lie had been working hard in the
harvest field. Hands we're scarce, and Far
mer B. was DOING. The loud tones of the
minister failed to arouse the farmer, until,
at length, the time waning, the good man
closed the lids Of the Bible, and concluded
as follows
Indeed, my hearers, the ha' vest is
plenteous, but the laborers are few -
eyes" exclaimed Farme, B.. "I'ye Of
tered two dollars day for Graders, and
can't get 'cm at that"
A Clergyman in Scotland desired his
hearers never to call one another 'liars,' but
when any one said the thing that was not, ,
they ought to whistle One Sunday he
preached a sermon on the parable of the
loaves and fishes; and being at loss how to
explain it, he sad the loaves were not ike
those nova days-they were as big as some
of the hills of Scotland. He had scarcely
pronounced these words. when he heard a
whistle Who's that cas- me liar {! it is
l-Willy, the baker" well, Willy,
what objection have ye to what ha' told
you p "None, Mr. John, only | wau.a to
know what sort OF ovens they had to bake
those loavcs in?"
POSING PBDAGoGUE. Sally Jones.
have you done that sum set you?'
No, thir, can't do it,.
Cant do it! I'm ashamed of you, Why.
at your age could do any sum that was set
me. l. hate that word can't, for there is no
sum that can't be done, I tell YOU
L think, thir, I know sum YOU can't
thifer OUT
'Ha -? Well, Sally, lefs hear it and we
will see"
1T 18th thith, thir If one apple cauthcd
the ruin Of the whole human ratbe. how
many thuch will it take to make barrel Of
thweet thider?'
Miss Sally Jones, you may turn to your
parsing lesson
A HAPPY REJo1NDER- At Oxford. some
twenty years ago, tutor of one Of the col
leges limped in his walk Stopping one day
last summer at railway station, he was &C.
costed bya well-known politician, who re-
cognized him, and asked him if he was not
the chaplain of the college at such time,
naming the years. The doctor replied that
he was. Il was there" said his interropa-
tor, "and knew you by your limp" "Well,"
said the doctor, sit seems my limping made
deeper impression on you than my preach
ing" sAh DOCTOR" was the reply with
ready wit. sit is the highest compliment we
can pay minister to say that he is knoyn