The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1870-02-11

COL. DEM. -. VOL. XXXIII--NO. 81. :.

to the point the fartbest from 1t; of a
variable zone of running water; Of the
people themselves; of their manners,
customs, and political institutions; of
their peculiar physical construction; OF
their ugliness; of their want of ears,
those useless appendages in an atmos-
phere so peculiarly modified; of their
consequent ignorance Of the use and
properties of speech; of their substitute
for speech in singular method of in
accommodations; of the incompre.
sible connection between each particu-
lar individual in the moon, with some
particular individual on the earth-a
connection analogous with and depend
ing upon that of the orbs of the planet
and the satellite, and by means Of
which the lives and destinies of the in
habitants of the one are interviewer
with the lives and destinies of the in
habitants Of the other; and above all, If
it so please your Excellencies-above
all of those dark and hideous mysteri es
which lie in the outer regions of the
moon, regions which, owing to the
almost miraculous accordance of the sa-
tellite's rotation on its own axis with
its sidereal revolution about the earth,
have never yet been turned, and, by
Gods mercy, never shall be turned, to
the scrutiny of the telescopes of man.
All this, and more-much more
won d 1 most willingly detail. But,
to be brief, l must have my reward.
/ am pining for return to my family
and to my home; and as the price of
any farther communications on my
part-in consideration of the light
which have it in my power to throw
upon many very important branches of
physical and metaphysical science--I
must solicit, through the influence OF
your honorable body, pardon for the
crime of which I have been guilty in
the death of the creditors upon my de-
parture from Rotterdam. This, then,
is the object of the present paper. It's
bearer, an inhabitant of the moon,
whom have prevailed upon, and pro-
perly instructed, to be my messenger
to the earth, will await your Excellen-
cies' pleasure, and return to me with
the pardon in question, if it can, in
any manner, be obtained.
l have the honor to be, &C., your Ex-
cellencies' very humble servant,
HANS PFAALL.
Upon finishing the perusal of this
very extraordinary document, Profes
sor Rubadub, it is said, dropped hi:
pipe upon the ground in the extremity
of his surprise, and Mynheer Superbus
Won Underduk having taken off his
spectacles, wiped them, and deposited
them in his pocket, so far forgot both
himself and his dignity, as to turn
round three times upon his heel in the
quintessence of establishment and ad
miration. There was no doubt abou
the matter-the pardon should be OBJ
tanned. So at least swore, with rount
oath, Professor Rubadub, and SO finally
thought the illustrious Won Underduk
as he took the arm of his brother in
science, and without saying word, be-
gan to make the best of his way home
to deliberate upon the measures to bt
adopted. Having reached the door,
however, of the burgomaster's dwelling
the professor veDtured to suggest that
as the messenger had though proper to
disappear doubt frightened to death
by the savage appearance of the burgh-
ers of Rotterdam-the pardon would be
of little use, as no one but man of the
moon would undertake voyage to so
vast distance To the truth of this
observation the burgomaster assented,
and the matter was therefore at an end.
Not so, however, rumors and specula
tions. The letter, having been publish.
ed, gave rise to a variety of gossip an d
opinion. Some of the over-wise even
made themselves ridiculous by decrying
the whole business as nothing better
than Il hoax. But hoax, with these sort
of people, is, | believe, a general term
for all matters above their comprehen-
sion. For my part, | cannot conceive
upon what data they have founded such
an accusation. Let us see what they
say:
Imprimis. That certain wags in Rot
terdam have certain especial antipathies
to cert ain burgOmasters and astrono-
mers.
Secondly. That an odd little dwarf
and bottle conjurer, both of whose ears,
for some misdemeanor, have been cut
Off close to his head, has been missing
for several days from the neighboring
city of Bruges.
Thirdly. That the newspapers which
were stuck all over the little balloon,
were newspapers of Holland, and there.
fore could not have been made in the
moon. They were dirty papers-very
dirty-and Gluck, the printer, would
take his Bible oath to their having been
printed in Rotterdam.
Fourthly. That Hans Pfaall himself,
the drunken villain, and the three very
idle gentlemen styled his creditors,
were all seen, no longer than two or
three days ago, in tippling house in
the suburbs, having just returned, with
money in their pockets, from trip be-
yond the sea.
LASTLY, That it is an opinion very
generally received, that the College of
Astronomers in the city of Rotterdam,
as well as all other colleges in all other
parts of the world,-not to mention
colleges and astronomers in general
are, to say the least of the matter, not "A
whit better, nor greater, nor wiser than
they ought to be.
- -
WE overheard Il queer thing from a
little fellow about six years of age a
shnrt tina aun Tha Suhiaet af Ual.