The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1870-09-24
Humorous Scraps.
"a little nonsense now and then,
Is relished blythe wisest men,.

In railroad car the seats were all full ex-
cept one, which was occupied by pleasant
looking Irshman,-snd at one Of the stations a
couple of evidently Well-bred and intelligent
young ladies came ta. procure seats, but seeing
no vacant ones were about going into back
car, when Patrick rose hastily and offered them
his seat with evident pleasure. "But you Will
have no seat for youssslf responded one of the
young ladies, with . sniIs, hesitating, with true
politeness as to accepting il. ''Neger ye mind
that" said the gallant Hibsrnian, ''yere well
come to it. I'll ride upon ihs cowcatcher to
New York any time iof smile from such jintle-
manly ladies' and be rstreated into the next
car amid the cheers Of hii fellow passengers.
Some years ago Lazy Mans Society was
organized in London, ank%pne Of the articles re-
quired that no man Osla sing to the society
should ever be in a hgrrs SNow il happened on
a time tbr s'as seer daiE=
ing =, : nAste .roa :. streess 70 visit a pa
tient The members of the society saw him, and
chuckled over the idea of a treat, and on his re-
turn reminded him Of his fast riding and viola
ton of the rules 'Not at all, J" said the doctor,
determined not TO be outdone; "the truth is,
my horse was determined to go, and | felt too
lazy 10 stop him. They did not catch him
that time.
| The late Jeremiah Mason was once engaged
in famous trial, i'll whi2h some good Methodist
1
brethren were concerned. One morning when
the court opened, an oVer-zealous friend OF his
client Came to him. and in solemn whisper
said Mr.. Mason, Mr.. Mason, had vision
last night. Gabriel appeared to me- and told me
that brother A. was innocent. No mistake about
it," ''Very we'll, y said the man of law, not so
much as lifting his huge head from over the table
on which he wriling, livery well better
have GaD.iel ubEeaaed Immediately"
The latest thing in iadies' dresses is the
''Red Cloud" 1t is made by taking a Scotch
plaid or pepper and salt'' blanket shawl, old
or new, aud forming it into an overdress, using
the fringe for trimming the sleeves and bottom of
the skirt. 1t has been christened the ''Red
Cloud on account of its likeness to the costume
worn 10y the famous Indian chief of that name,
during his trip TO the Eastern States last summer
You are made to be kind, generous, and
magnanimous. If there boy in school who
has club-foot, don't let him know that you
ever saw it. If there's boy in school with
ragged clothes, don't talk of rags in his pres
ence. If there's d lame boy in school, assign
him some place in the play which does not re-
quire m much running IF there is a dull one,
help him to get his lessons.-Horace Man,
The Clinton Herald relates how lady of
that city dropped an egg into -four barrel, a
few weeks ago, forgetting the incident altogeth-
er, until Il few days ago, when she was surprised
by the peeping of chicken, which had Matched
from that identical egg. The hot weather had
done the business, and the chicken is alive and
doing we'll.
-"Jennie," said laadlady to her help the
other morning, "Jennie, was there any fire in
the kitchen last night while you were sitting
upr' "0nly Just spark, ma'am," was the re-
ply. The landlady look, suspiciously at Jen-
ME; but the innocent girl went on scrubbing
and humming Katy Darling.
God made both tears and laughter, and
both for kind purposes; for as laughter enables
mirth and surprise to breathe freely, so tears
enable sorrow to vent itself patiently. Tears
hinder sorrow from becoming despair, and laugh
ter is one of the very privileges of reason.
1t is said that Milwaukee sausage maker
has the following placarded over his counter ::
'Oh, the pup, the beautiful pup
Drinking his milk from china cup;
Gambolling round so frisky and free,
First gnawing bone, then biting flea
Jumping
Running
After the pony;
Beautiful pup, you will soon be bolegna!"
"A woman, over 80 years of age went into
one of the dental establishments in Hartford,
Conn.,, to have a set of teeth repaired, and gave
as reason for being particular about the work,
that though she did not expect to live long, she
desired to have her corps look as well possible
Seeing great crowd gathered in the street,
a gentleman, meeting boy, said to him:
"Is there anything goin on?"
eyes, sir" was the ready reply. "There's
two things goin' on; you're goin' on, and I'm
goin' on
The Bible, SO little in bulk, like the five
barley loaves and two small fishes, what thous
ands upon thousands liz every age it has fed
And what multtudes it will feed in every land
of Christendom till the end of time
Exercise is essential as breathing ITSELF
Without it, there can be no healthy and beauti-
full growth. No person can enjoy health, nor
attain any degree of personal beauty, without
more or less active daily exertion.
Mrs Partington says, that if she should be
cast away, she would prefer meeting with the
catastrophe in the EBAY of Biscuits l' for then
she should have something to live on.
-"Why, Charlie, am surprised to see you
making faces at your mother ?' Charlie bright
ened up at once, and retorted, "Why, calcula-
ted to laugh, but, mamma my face slipped"
"A correspondent says the people who spend
the most money at the watering places are the
old men with young wives.