Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1870-08-16
The Marriage State.

Just married Destined to linger in clover,
new-mown hay, and such heritage, from nine
to twelve months.
Some black, raScaliy, stormy night, about the
close OF the above epoch, you are turned out In
to the Streets all ponds and mill races, or amid
snow eighteen inches deep, and drifting along
like bazes, and tcld to run for the Doctor
When you get home little red-fanneled
looking thing, about the size of big merino
potato. undoubtedly awaits you
They will call it baby. Packed up with it,
you will find the first real squalls of married
life-you can bet on that.
Paregoric, soothing syrup, and catnip tea,
and long flannel, and diaper stuff, and baby
collie, and more squalls-they will come along
too in fact, will become just as much at home
in the house as dinner.
One Of these days. in
1.-THE wee sma hours ayant the twal,n
you turn out again. This time you are found
barefoot, distractedly rocking that baby back
and forth, and bobbing it up and down in a
cane-seat chair; shivering, icy, disconsolate
sense OF dampness all about you; seat hard,
only cotton shirt, or such matter, nearer
than the bed to keep you warm. roaring musi-
cally as wild bull in slaughter yard,
We're coming, Father A brahan-
Three hundred thousand more''
Baby all the time yelling like mad with bad
pain, while Mary Ann, up to her nose under
the warm bed covers, to help out, every now
and then impatiently puts 10, just at the wrong
place, 'strot him faster
but no. The little Innocent is tougher than
an india rubber car spring
just as you are giving out-copcIuding Won
must freeze that there will certainly have to
be funeral in the house inside of thirtv-six
hours, baby willis from sheer exhaustion and
then, with teeth chattering like Mccormick
reaper, you crawl in again, and try to sleep.
Gradually you glide away into tangled maze
of cherry lips, Ice, steam whistle voiced babies
dInipied cheeks, more ice, May flowers. skating
weather, chamomile, jockey club, slcigh-rides
crInoline immense as the old bell at Moscow.
Indian ambuscades chignons like door-mats.
awful Greclan bends, angels, snow storms and
forty other cheerful "reminiscences.
A snort, thrash, wild throwing inward of
little arms and legs, and then. keen and shrill,
comes that terrible ''Ah-wah! ah-wah - +
guess you wake up, don you?
Get the paregorlc and a teaspoon, quick /.
says Mary Ann, In sharp, staccato tone. and
don't you get it?
In just three-elghths of second YOU are a
Greclan bend yourself out there ON the cold
ho9r, dropping paregoric In teaspoon
hurry Oh, no; circumstances are not such
as to make you hurry any
Gracious little Peter, he is descr;h;ng a;abol;c
curnques with all the arms and legs he's got.
ana screaming 100 pounds to the square inch,
and Mary Ann, she is rearing around there in
the bed, making rocking chair of her back.
ana yelling by-by" like a wild Camanche on
the War-path-that' all.
Nice, aim i'll
And then to think that, as years roll on. there
mas got to be more and more vet of inst sncb
distressing work 'N'' '"o"
:, linen come the washing days, too. and the
oprng clean!ngs and movings-wben vour ma
pers and books, add custard pies, and carnets
and plug hats, and molasses, and feathers ond
baby hzlpgs. and pancake batter. all get stirred
up together; when Mary Ann, dress tnckad mn
handkerchief around her head, broom in one
hand mop In the other, pretty as acistern MOLE
goes about hunting up spiders webs. and Dirt Dirt
ana grease spots; and such things, while Bird.
get the inevitable Bridget, stopping soap-suds
al 10 over everything brings up the rear
Then there is that mother-in-law of vours
and the SIX or eight female cousins. Thew have
just come over to visit bit, and each one has
Drought all her trunks and band boxes along
And that, too, when you could SO easily have
spared all but the mother-in-law,
And SO might run on and on These things
are thicker in such places than little toads on a
country road after summer thunder-shower. 1
\ GU cant dodge them. They come with mar
rled life just as sure as death and taxes. = 70
Bad Very bad, my friend Only one CON
dition in the world mech worse that know of
And that is, don't mind telling you, that is
the single condition.