The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-04-14
WIT AND HUMOR,

J
lidencc in me to loan me dollar"
"Oh yes, confidence. enough, but no
dollar" .'
"A legal qucstion.--H man who
makes deposition is a depositor, does
it necessarily follow that man who
makes IN allegation is an alligator?
An old maid being at loss for q
pincushon. made use Of an onion On
the following morning she found that
all her needles had tears in their eyes
OF two million young ladies' who
last year were asked to sing, it is a
fact that sixteen did so without max.
ing an apology for having u bad cold.
When man tells Horace Greedy ho
in 'ho gentleman" Horace replies,
"Who the devil said | was p That
oonundrum gets the man the worst
kind,
"A German writer says n young
girl is fishing rod, her eyes are the
hook, her smile the bait, the lover the
gudgcon, and marriage the batter in
which he ia fried.
A Boston gentleman who could not
waltz offered Il young lady one hundred
dollars, if she would let him hug her as
much as the young man did who just
Waited with her
--"Young man DO you know what
relations you sustain in this worldT'
said minister to young man OF his
church. eyes sir" said the hopeful
convert--"two cousins and grand
mother"
An eminent and witty prclotc was
once asked ifhc did not think such
one followed his conscience. Eyes,
said his lorlship; II think he follows
it rs man does a horse in 4 gig---ha
drives il first.
An cnterprising reporter visited
ho,c! after midnight and woke up
bridegroom to Get the facts Of the
wedding. Haitian hour later the man OF
notes paid an apothecary fifty cents for
court plaster.
"A couple Of fellows who were
pretty thoroughly soaked with bad
whiskey, got into the gutter. After
foudering about for q few moments.
one Of them said, "Jim, let's 60 to
another house, this hotel leaks
"A country exchange has q story,
headed Glove warmed over lit is
any thing like the hash that is "warmed
OVER in boar4iug.houscs, We should
prefer it in its original purity 1t is
apt to get scorched when warmed over
too much.
Tho daughters of the old Cox, Bnt.
Ter and Sherman, are not allowed to
DANCE the German, owing 10 the prey
alcncc Of hugging therein. 1t is ar
eued by the parents TINT the girls ''are
better mitoutsit,' And the old fellows
are posted.
--"Jack,' said an old gentleman, II
have heard one Of the most delightful
sermons ever delivered before Chris.
tian society. 1t carried me to the gate
Of heaven "Why didn't you dodge
in?' replied Jack, "you will never
have another such chance
Let each one strive with all his might
To be 4 decent man,
And love his brother as himself
Upon the golden plan;
And if his neighbor chance to be
a pretty female woman.
Why love her all the more--you see
That's only acting human,
"A barrister entering the court
with his wig very much awry, was
obliged to endure round OF remarks
on its appearance. At last address
ing Mr.. Curran, he asked, ado You
see anything ridiculous in this wigf'
Nothing but the head replied the
wit.
--''Why don't You wear your RUG,
my dear?' said a father in y ballroom.
to his daughter. Because, papa, it
hurts me when any one squcczes my
hand" "What business have you to
have your hand squeezed?' Ger
tainly none; but still, yon know, papa,
one would like to keep it in sqaceza.
bic order" -.....
---"My dear, yon go on at this ex-
trayagant rate said penurious hus-
band to his wife, II shall go out Of
my wits" well my DEAR" responded
the afectionate wife, "there'll be one
comfort in it, anyhow, and that is.
that ifyou do go out of your wits,
you'll not have to go so far but what
you'll be within easy call"
Amelia, for thee. Yes at thy
command I'd tear this eternal lirma.
ment into thousand fragments! I'd
gather the stars one by one, as they
tumbled from the regions of ethereal
space, and put them in my trowsers