Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-11-11

In the waning light,
Waiting in their tender message,
kiss papa goodnight
EEWInOr.
Opsn to conYiction-a burglar.
A lost art-family government.
Fruit of newsmen-fresh dates.
The bashful letter-modest L.
The Ianel game-drawing jury.
Relative beauty pretty cousin.
A fool and his hair are soon parted.
The man sover-bored' was an editor.
Slow March-the march Of intellect.
Financial misunderstanding notes.
Skull race-a college examination.
Advice to doctors-live and let live.
A rare mind-mind your ewn business.
Coin from natures mint-penny royal.
A blow at real estate-when men are en-
gagged in breaking ground
cramped waist betokens brains in a
similar condition.
He who marrics for wealth sells his lib
erty.
Beautiful extract handsome lady just
helped out Of mudhole.
General Court waiting on three or four
girls at the same time
The pretty young ladies in Utah generally
marry Young.
Metallic currency carrying about brass
face.
Sunday reading for political contractors
The book of Job.
Why are elections lik tents? Because the
canvass ends at the polls.
A pretty girl, like hard sum, is some
thing to sigh for. (cipher.)
Adam showed politeness when he let Eve
have the first bite Of the apple.
Why is the lettor Fl like a cure for deaf
ness because it makes ear hear.
The remedy for dear butter is not to eat
it.
What is man doing when he blows his
own trumpet? Raising the wind.
Young ladies never have misgivings ex-
cept at church after charity sermon.
A woman as black as the ace Of spades
says she was born to blush unseen
Imagine more melancholy spectacle than
q lot Of hens trying to roost on clothsline.
What should clcrgymen preach about p
About fifteen minutes.
What metre is best for valentine? Meet
her by moonlight alone.
Why is an author the most peculiar Of
animals? Because his tale comes out Of his
head.
The man who lost four wives and married
fifth, simply carried out fourgone con-
clusion.
Thetrue gentleman is always modest. He
is more ready to obtain the opinions Of others
than to parade his own.
A celebrated wit was asked if he knew
Theodore Hook. YES he replied, Hook
and eye are old associates
The hardest thing to hold IN this world IS
an unruly tongue. 1t boots hot smooth
ing iron and kicking horse considerably.
A young lady up town says that if a cart
wheel has nine fellows attached to it, it's
pity that woman like her can't have on,.
An exchange says when a fish is wound
ed the other fishes fall upon and devour
him. There is some human nature in
fishes.
Brougham's definition of lawyer-'a
gentleman who receives your estate from
the hands of your enemy and keeps it him.
SELF
A young fellow, fond Of talking, remark
ed, I am no prophet True, replied lady
present, mo profit to yourself nor any one
else'
In history on plants, the author notices
the virtue of hemp thus laconically: BY
this cordage ships are guided, bells are rung
and roguess are kept in awe.
What reason have We to suppose that beer
was made in the ark? The kangaroo was
seen to go in with hops, and the bear was
always bruin.
My son, said an old lady, how must
Jonah have felt when the whale swallowed
him? "A little down in the mouth [ suppose
was the young hopeful's reply.
A young man, on being asked by his
sweetheart what photography was, took out
his pencil and wrote the following, telling
her that was photography: u R A B U 7
L NJ (You are beauty, Elen.)
An irishman saw cat under stone and
he undertook to pull it out, but happened to
be one Of the gems polecat, Patrick was
compelled to exclaim: 'Howly mither what
has the haste been eating?'
There are three things in this world that
know no kind Of restraint, and are governed
by no laws, but merely by passions and bru-
tality-civil wars. family quarrels, and re-
iigious disputes
A Partisan wit, meeting friend, re-
marks: what beautiful shoe! Where did YOU
get them? How much did you pay for them?
Fifteen francs Fifteen francs That's
very cheap, considering how much calf there
is in them
In storm at sea, the Chaplain asked one
Of the crew if he thought there was any
danger. oh, yes. replied the sailor; if It
blows as hard as it does now, we shall all
DO in Heaven before twelve o'clock at
NIGHT The Ghanlain terrified Of tho or