Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1870-01-28
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A snlrr Tnlre--Mustard. plAster.

A sMANr THiNe- Mustard. plaster.
A PRETTY KETTLE OF FIsH-Boiled |
salmon. Pug
To PERSONS IN DTF1ouLTY-Gct out
A Colon DIFFICULT TO SEE-Blind- |
mans buff -......
VERY FAST MEN--Thosc who beat their |
A DEAD REcKoNIEG--Calculating ones
funeral expenses.
ALI the profits OF the Washington are
divided with the policy holders
FksHIoEABBB young ladies, ike letters
require stamps, or the males reject them'
TIE PRAYER or THE OFFIcE-SEEKER.-
"Oh, that were an event, that might
take plaoo."
AN old trappcr of Arizona, who has
Just scalped his fifteenth Indian, says "lt
Is good Staying out here this season"
A YOUNG lady being recommended ox'
ercise for her health, said she would jump
at an offer and run tho risk.
A LITTLE girl who was sent out to hunt
eggs thought II strange she did not hnd
any, as there were several hens stand
ing around, doing nothing"
"WHAT death would you preferto diet"
said one pe.son TO another. 81 don't
exactly know should like TO try seven
or eight before deciding the point"
The wretch who can stand in pair Of
slippers worked for him by his wife, and
scold her, is n brute, who deserves to have
the gout in both feet.
A aENTLEMAN remarked the other day
| with great gravity, that the weather had
taken cold. When asked why, he said,
at Nous IL sHops 90 much"
SAID an ambitious youth one day 10
lady: "Don't you think I'd better dye
my mustache ~ caressing the infant prod
igy "I think IL you let it alone it'll dye
ITSELF" said the lady.
| PRouD AND HArPY-
| Surrounded by iAdlos-how proud you must be l''
UFied the Queen OF the group, Win iaoe Iuh VI
"why~ said the poet" but happier he
Who Choosing the lass) were surroundsdby onei
SINCE manhood reached me have
kept on my life perpetual insurance
and think my duty TO those dependent
upon mo would be undischarged II II were
not so.-BIsHoP HAWKS. Think Of what
the Bishop Gays, and insure in the Wash
ington Life. as r.4.
A LITTLE threc.year old girl In New
Orleans recently astonished her mother
who attempted 70 correct her--by motion.
ing her away with chubby little hand
and scornfglly saying "shoo, n.y. don't
bodder mep ..
"Boys," asked the teacher Of an in.
can't Sunday-sohool class, did you ever
sec an elephants skin ?" Yes, sir, did,
piped little fellow away down at The
foot "Did you, Roberts Where was itS'
"On an elephant, sir"
OF all the declarations of love, tho
most admirable one was that which
young gentleman made to young lady
who asked him to show her the picture o
the one ho loved, when he Immediately
presented her mirror. .N
EMPLOYER TO NEW CLERK-" Well
Sninles, have you posted the ledgerS ?
New Clerk" Yeth, thir I've posted the
ledger but, lor, thir, 1t wath too big fol
> the letter-boxth, and l had to take 1t in
| thido the potht.offith u
A WIT, being told that an old acquaint
| uncc was married, exclaimed, al am glaC
, oft" But rejecting q moment, he added
: in tone of compassion and forgiveness
, "and yet don't know why should be
he never did me any harm"
Punch illustrates q plump youngstel
applying for the place of page, to whom
the mistress says: II wish my servants
: to have plenty, hut l don't allow any
: I'd cat and drink till busted, mum, ratho
: than waste anything, num-"
IT is now usual to add to fire insur
, ancc policies the following clause: per
| mission given to keep and sell kerosen,
|, oil, to be drawn by daylight only Al
agent in Portland recently embarrassed q
nhfNy
"to keep and use kerosene oil by daylight
: only" as
n Two little girls were heard one morn
@ "mothers could ,doP The dispute wa
i ended by Tho youngest child saying
q "Well, there's one thing my mother ca
n do that yours can't--my mother can TAX
a every one of her teeth out at once"
+ SCENH IN CmcAGo.-Mr. Jones: "Why
= Amelia, who-who is this gentleman
: Mrs -: "My husband, sirp Nj
+ Jones: "Are you mad, Amelia2 In
0 your husband" Mrs. -: "You were
= sir, yesterday but l procured q divoro
: aud married Mr.. Smythe this morning
This Is my house, sirp
A NRw physiological discovery ha
!, been made by young man-namely, tina
% stronger in the palm OF the hand than a
= = the wrist As to moro elderly females
|, even little boys know by stern experienc
y that the palm OF the maternal hand beat
!, awful strong, = Erchdnoe.
I ONE of Mark Twain's farmers bough
II some Bartlett pear trees, and the mex
/, season no took some Of the fruit to Tn
tree dealer. "Whst kind Of pears do yo
o call theseY" "Well, dontt know but
d ton pears, perhaps" "But they grey
IS on one Of the trees You sold me tor Bar
2, lettp "Aro you such too" was tn
Q dealers convincing rejoinder, "as to SUI
II pose that q tree is going to bear Bartle
pears the first year," 2ierHa .
The latest thing out in the way of
novelty is sort of a tube, all the wa
from Paris, woven out of strips Of pali
IA leaf The uninitiated Is requested by
v friend TO insert the fore1nger Of each han
9 into the ends Of the tube and see If h
I, can make the ends of the fingers NEE
a In doing this the tube is compressed, an
a on attempting TO withdraw the fingers tn
II ends of the toy are drawn so tight
" around them as to render their eNtrActio
d by main strength almost an impossibilit,
h The harder the victim pulls the tighter is
a manaClod. Considerable patience aud II
d genuity are requisite for one TO liberal
|. himself from this trap, when once caugh
v 1t is called by some the Sensation FingC
!. Tube