The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1870-01-27
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's- - Common seents-musk and might bloom
ing cereus. oarf- @o7i i'e't. sH' ,1F. ~ :,
;, Old men arc, moved down, but babies are
;, scradled.a zo .sais;T] tHa neg 5T'1 Tag.
oisalA Boston chemist adgertises- thus The
gentleman who left his stomach for analysis,
will please call and get it, together with the
results" ..,q 44fGxAaq q ngfs1uagg
ASA Falling from six-story window and light.
ing on an iron hydraht is considered Ssufflcl--
lent cause for deathsin St. Louis. Mr.. jean
Jourde did it. ~ ''sia-' va ga
lady complaining that her husband was
dead to- fashionable amusements, he replied:
But then, my dear, you make me alive to the
expense" S'4 ''',' ' So sra,1 nel7l-
cas- An incorrigible loafef, being taken TO task
fol-, his laziness, replied, II tell you gentlemen,
you are mistaken. I have not lazy bone in
my body, but the fact is, was born tired"
An old lady being in a store at Waterbury,,
Conn recently sat, down and reached out her
half frozen feet to the Herring safe, remark
ing, she always did like those air tight stoves
ia Pleasant to opensyour wife's jewel box and
discover strange gentleman's hair done up
as a keepsake, 3 We know of nothing tnat
makes an ardent temperament feel more "knl-
fcy' asE ,<Tsvo& ri ea-aaz =
ttI think that have seen you before, sir,
said one gentleman to another. 'sAres you
not Owen Smith, Oh yes,Y replied the 9th
err "Im OWN Smith, and OWN Joues, and
ouipS Rrnun ood ouio' avnrvhndvO
81, A husband sdvertises thus .sMy wife Ma
ria has strayed or been stolen. Whoever
returns her will get his head broke. AS to
trusting her, anybody can do so if they see
fit; as ! never pay my own delt'.s it's not
likely III pay her'n,'' ..,,s '-'@ 80 ~ - az
-ss Spriggins had visitor to dinner yesterday.
After watching for. some time the assault up
on, his provisions Spriggins said Is Y gu grow
poor, don't you 2" s'replied the visitor,
81 just about hold my own" 'And that"
said Spriggins, ''is more than any other man
in Hartford could hold" y. r,,f.s.s,aqy 81
IAN eastern eeitor says that man in New
York got himself into rouble by marrying
two wives. A western editor replies that a
good many men have done the same thing by
a. number of his acquaintance found trouble
enough by barely promising to marry, without
going any further. A southern editor says
that friend Of his was bothered enoughawhcn
simply found in company with another man s
wife, ms7oa tea aaii5asiaa97 e laiFi - as."
-srs9f sac svaa Ct T9iisegfa3o eo2s .saeis saSai
81 "A wag, having dispute with man who
kept sausage shop, and owing him a grudge
ran into his store one day, as he was serving
several customers, with an immense dead cat
which he suddenly deposited on the counter
saying: 9gig q .a7d 81 81 q o914l9sA s9'-.
4das'This makes nineteen, as you are busy
now we'll settle another time" and he was off
in twinkling. The customers, aghast, soon
followed him, leaving their sausage behind
no An, exchange says: "a fighting man has
eight hundred pounds. His wrists are the
very tools of death, his eyes are black his
no. boots IL. O, he is a monster, this fighting
man Of ours He goes for men like an ant
for green cheese. He was never thrashed.-
o, he is whale He ate seven cans of oys-
tiers at our Office the other night, and called
for more. He's the heaviest instrument of
total and eternal punishment on reco1d =
Come at US yc lean and lank, overgrown spec
linens Of humanity; spit on our boots if you
dare slide on our cellar door if you can, and
if our Wellaspus don't everlastingly go for
you, then size and health have nothing in
them. s.rssa4, ifris sslses =. ra5 ett5
John Randolph was travelling in part of
Virginia with which he was not acquainted.
In the meantime he stopped during the night
at an inn near h, forks Of tie road. The
inn keeper, fine old gentleman, knowing
who his distinguished guest was, endeavored
to draw him into conversation, but failed in
all his efforts. In the morning when Mr.
Randolph was ready to start, he called for his
bill, which on being presented, was paid
The landlord still anxious to have some con-
versation with him, began as follows :"Whieh
way are you travelling, Mr.. Randolph Pr
"Sir ?" said Randolph, with look of displeas-
ure. II asked" said the landlord (which
way are you travelling?" "Have I paid my
bill p eyes. ""Do I owe you anything more?"
"No.""Well, I am going just where I please
do you understand" eyes" The landlord
by this time got some what excited and Mr..
Randolph drove off. But to the landlords
surprise, the servant, returned to inquire
which of the forks of the road to take. Ran
dolph not being out of hearing distance, the
landlord spoke at the top of his voioe-"Mr-
Randolph, you don't owe me cent; just take
which road you please"