The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-10-20
WIT AND HUMOR.

"No, amt taken any remedy, buV
I've taken lots of physic."
- | have just met your acquain-
tance, Dayley," said an Irishman to his
friend, "and was sorry to see how he
has almost shrunk away to nothing.
You are thin, but he is thinner than
both oius put together
"A poor fellow was brought before
4 police justice recently charged with
being intoxicated "Weli, why did
you get drunk 7" See here" was the
reply, uttered in hiccough andaccent
of u drunken man; "what did you give
license for?
Two young ladies and an Irish.
man were conversiDg on age. when one
of them put the home question:
(Which Of us do you think is the
elder, Mr.. II y
"Sure," replied the gallant Hiber-
nian, "you both look younger than
each other"
No WONDER, INDEED. The pro-
cess Of reasoning in some minds is
curious one. "Whcn Nineveh has de-
parted and Palmyra is in ruins; when
Imperial Rome has fallen, and the pyr
amids themselves are sinking into de-
cav, it is no WONDER sighed a French
humorist, "that my old black coat
should be getting seedy 1.-THE elbows"
"A STRONG Hint Partisan lady
called on her milliner the other day to
'take up" the character Of servant.
The respectable appearance of the lat
ter was beyond questioning.
But is she honest?" asked the lady,
II am not so certain about that"
replied the miliner; II have sent her
with my bill to you dozen times, and
she has never yet give me the money
"A swelling Captain ola Mississippi
boat squared up to q rather noisy pas
senger, and, in the hearing Of all, eX-
claimed:
Sir, one or two things you must
do-keep still or leave the boat"
The tipsy passenger walked clear
round the great Captain, eyelng him all
over, and then said:
Captain, one Of three things yon
must dO-work more, eat less, or bust
AN ERROR MIR. Pilknson, q far
mer in Pennsylvania, WAS drafted for
the service OF his country. His wife,
though she possessed but q small
stock Of general information, is one OF
the best conjuea| partners, and she was
much troubled at the thought Of part
ing with her husband. As she was en-
gagged scrubbing oil hel door steps, a
Rough looking stranger came up and
thus addressed her:
Il hear, madam, that our husband
has been drafted"
Yes sir, he has ansN cred Mrs.
Pikinson, though, dear knows, there's
few couldn't better Bc spared from
their families
"Well, madam, have come to offer
myself as substitute for him."
"A WHAT asked Mrs. Pilkinson,
with some excitement.
IL am willing to take his place said
the stranger.
"You take the place Of my husband,
you wretch. I'll teach you to insult u
distressed woman in that way, you
vagabond," cried Mrs. Pilkinson, as
she discharged the dirty soap suds in
tie face of the discounted and aston
ished substitute, who took to his heels
just in time to save his head being bro.
ken by the bucket.
"A FUNNY INCIDENr.-George Las
cclles, in letter to the New York
Clipper relates Il funny incident which
happened at the old Albany Museum,
in the good old times when the drama,
wax figures, and other curiosites were
in vogue in that place. On the Fourth
Of July, 1852, q patriotic addition to
the show being desired, Charles Sails
bury, comical genius, notorious for
his practical jokes, was chosen to rep.
resent George Washington, and Of
course was dressed in the traditional
costume The doors had just been
opened for the evening performance.
and visitors had con menced thronging
the curiosity rooms, when mischiev-
Gus idea struck Mr.. Salisbury, who,
opening the door of one Of the wax
work cases, unobserved, took posi-
ton among the figures, and tried to
look immovable as possible. A coun,
tryman, his wife and daughter, a young
miss Of eighteen, were the first who en-
tered. Asthe young lady approached
Washington, he bestowed upon her q
most unialherly wink. Good gra-
cious, ma exclaimed she, that figure
OF Washington winked at me- "Non.