Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1870-11-08
LaIalch for HeG77aO7'SStS.

bov's idea of having tooth drawn: The
doctor hitched fast on me, pulled his best, and
inst before it killed me the tooth came out.
A Western naper. having been abused by
cotemporarv. saws it RESTS IN that serene con
sc;onsness which the Christian has IN tour
aces.
Now and then they cut off the ears OF
horse-thief in Oregon, and then telegraph East
that the crops were never better than they are
this season.
There is a man at Dacotah, Iowa, SO penu-
rious that. when shelling corn, kernel new
into wood pile, and he removed seven coros
of wood to find it.
Patience is exemplifed in the man who lett
his wagon while his horse baked, sat on a rock
and read the bible till the animal was hungry
enough to 60 home.
The patrons of husbandry in Missouri have
o eide degree into which they initiate horse
thieves. After the ceremony, nothing can be
soon of the candidate, and the ground Is all
nicely sodded over
"Wbv don't you wash the bottom of your
faet .Johnny?" asked grandmother OF boy
when he was performing the operation before
retiring for the night; to which he grayely re-
nlied 'sWhy, granny, you don't think am
going to stand up In bed, do you.
CLERGYMAN reading chapter of the bible
for his congregation found himself at the bot
tom of the page with the words, And the
Lord gave Noah wife, then turning over
two nages instead of one, he continued, and
he nitched her within and without with pitch.
An Illinois woman committed suicide by
hanging herself to an apple tree. At the fu-
neral neighbor, noticing the sad appearance
of the husband, consoled him by saying that
he had met with terrible loss. YES" says
the husband. heaving sigh, ''she must have
kicked like thunder to shake off six bushels Of
green apples that would have been worth dol
lar bushel when they get ripe |" Thus do
women take advantage'o their natural pro-
tectors.
A Michigan farmer has had over three hun
dred dollars worth of fun this season, by plug
ging water-melons, and putting tartar-emetic in
them. and watching the boys steal them and
then lie across the fence and heave up Jonah.
The bows there say melons are unhealthy this
year.
An Irish Dominican preacher, wishing to
Mace the meanness of Judas in the clearest
light before his audience, suggested to them
that, from long familiarity with the Gospel mar.
rative, they had come to overlook the force OF
the words there used to describe the apostate' S
habitual roguery. mot only he reminded
them, Ibid Judas steal the money, but Holy
Writ emphatically adds that he even kept the
bag" 20
A New Bedford paper says that one Satur-
day evening recently, lady, who lives near a
church In that city, was sitting by the window
listening to the crickets, which were loudly
chirping, the music from the choir rehearsal
being family audible when a gentleman drop
ped in famiarly who had just passed the
church aud had the music full in his mind.
What noise they are making tonight! T.
said he.
Yes" replied the lady. 'and it is said they
do it with their hind legs!"
PRAYING FOR RAIN.-Some witty divine re-
leves the monotony of a stage coach pilgrim
age with anecdotes admirably descriptive of a
certain style of modern praying.
A Cape Cod clergyman one Sabbath had
prayed most earnestly for rain. He entreated
the Lord to ''uucork the bottles of Heaven,
and send down the refreshing showers The
drouth had lasted through August and part
of September Tuesday morning the line storm
began, and continued with great violence until
Friday, flooding the country, and sweeping off
bridges In all directions Saturday night it set
in to rain again, and on Sabbath morning it was
still pouring down. This time the prayer was
as follows: ''Oh Lord, we recently took occa-
sion to entreat Thee to uncork the bottles of
Heaven and send down the refreshing showers,
but we did not mean that the corks should be
thrown away