The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1870-06-02
THE WALLER DOG,
By MARK TWAIN.

When Noah dlsembarked at Ararat he
had scarcely touched the pier when he
proceeded TO tally his passengers. He
had just checked his last item in the list
"a Mr.. and Mrs. Bedbug-when the
cringing figure of a quadcuped came
swinging down the gang-plank with his
tail between his legs. ''Drat it, if there
amt that yalier dogl" says Noah; aim
ing a vicious kick at the brute. But,
with facility born of long and bitter
experience, the brute lodged the prQjec~
tile, calculating "kiyi," which is Syriac
for declined with thanks" or mot for
Jo"-he Disappeared, while Noah, who
had his sea~legs on, was unable To recover
his balance, and sat down with emphasis
on the back of his head
Noah arose, and, in accordance with
the style prevalent among the patriarchs,
he proceeded TO soothe his affronted Dig
nifty by pronouncing yariegated anathe.
ma upon the yaller dog, which had charac-
terlstically sneaked unobserved on board,
IN the confusion Of putting to sea, and
capsized the Captain at the first port
He cursed that dog in body, limb, bark,
! hide, hair, tail and wag, and all his geucr-
ations, relations and kindred, by consan-
guinliy or affinity, and his heirs and as.
signs. He cursed him with endless hum
ger, with perpetual fear, with Parental
lazness, with hopeless mango, with inces-
SAINT feas, and with his tail between his
legs. He closed his maledictions by
sparkling display of pyrotechnics, from
the demoralizing effects of which the yal-
lcr dog has never recovered.
With this curse sticking to him like
revenue stamp, the yaller dog can't help
being ''cussed." He don't try to help it.
He follows Noah's programme with a
sneakiag fidelity. He is an Ishmaelite
among dogs. He receives the most op-
pressive courtesies in the form of brick bats,
! boots and hot water, which make his life
an animated target excursion. He boards
| around like district school teacher, and
it is neal-time with him twenty four
hours in the day The rest of the time
| he bankers after something TO eat. He
is too omniyerous for an epicure Cram
him at Delmonico's, and he would hunger
| for dessert from an Albany boarding.
| house.
| He can't be utilized. lie Is too tired.
| As swill-cart locomotive, a hunter, or
a sentinel, he is an ignominious failure.
| The dog churn was a strategic attempt
10 employ his waste energies, but he had
no waste energies, and butter had too
much self~respect TO ''cUme at his pursua-
sion" So the dog churn was dropped
No sausage maker dare foreclose his
! lien on the yaller dog, lest his customers
no longer "soothed and sustained by
an unfaltering trust"-trans.er their pa
tronage to some less audacious dealer.-
The savages, who admire baked dog, and
can even attack tripe and explore the mys-
teries of hash, without dismay, acknowls
edged the yaIler dog 10 be too much for
| their gastric intrepIdIty.
He always manages to belong to a
ragged, tobacco-chewing, whiskey-drnk-
ing master, whose business is swapping
dogs aud evading the dog tax. The yal-
Ter dog is acquainted with himself, aud
| he enjoys he intimacy with ed.fying con-
tempt He sinks along through life, on
a diagonal dog trot, "a if in doubt as
to which end Of him is entitled to the
precedence. He is always pervaded by
! hang dog sense of guilt, and when retri-
| butive tinware is fastened to his tail, he
/ ''hies from the wrath to come with a
/ horrlfed celebrity which ought to be very
suggestive to two-egged sinners of sim
liar ordeal in store for him.
The yaller dog is-welI to speak in
italics, he is Slouch.
/