The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1870-11-02
nATEY JOURNAL
WEDNESDAY, NO7EMBsR ?, 1919
HUMOROUS.

"AH, parson, I wish could take
my gold with me" said rich old Dea-
con Swipes. 1T might melt, if you
did" quietly replied the parson.
BRICK Pomeroy said to a visitor re-
Gently: Going out West you'll see
my brother. Tell him TO be virtuous
and he'll be oorrespondiGgly happy
but he won't have half so much fun. "
A WESTERN Cornelia thus mstern.
ally addresses her eldest jewel: My
daughter, you are now fifteen years Of
age, engaged TO be married, aud with
out freckle on your face. have
done my duty.
A MAN passed through Council
Bluffs, Iowa. day or two ago, on his
return to Missouri, after having tried
10 live In Minnesota. Don't like it
up thar" be said. Have nine months
of winter, and the rest of the time it's
COMPOUNDED late in the fall"
A POLITICAL somebody is inspired
By the dance of society as follows:
A smile OF request, an assent and giggle,
A shake to the train, to the shoulders a
A bounoe. and a slide, turn, and skip,
A teete-, a bsck-breaking bend, and a
And t1ai is the graceful, the fairy.nke
"dip."
WHEN the earthquake took place, +"
said a husband to his wife, II felt nv
heart beat so that l was frightend."
Yes" replied the dear creature, 1T
takes an earthquake to make your
heart beat" And this couple have
celebrated their silver weddingl
A PoMPoUs fellow made a very in
adequate offer for a valuable property,
and, calling the next day for an an
swer, inquired of the gentleman if he
had entertained his proposition.
NO." replied the other, your prop
osition entertained ne"
MARK Twain has this advice for
young men with literary aspirations:
write without pay until somebody
offers pay. If nobody offers pay with
in three years, the candidate may look
upon the circumstance with the most
implicit confidence as the sign that
saving wood is what he was intended
for"
IT is related that as some friends Of
Campbell, the author Of "Hohenlin
den," were leaving his room after a
late supper, one Of the number had
the misfortune to fall down flight of
stairs. The poet, alarmed by the noise,
opened the door and inquired. What's
thatY = 'Tis 1, SiT, rolling" was the
immediate reply of his fallen friend.
A GOOD lesson to teachers is con-
veyed by the following simple anec-
dote: How is it. my dear, inquired
a schoolmistress of a little girl, how
is it that you do not understand this
simple thing?" Il do not know, in
deed, she answered. with a perplexed
look, "but | sometimes think I've SO
many things to learn that have no
time to understand"
THE Chicago Post publishes two
verses" one of which is Tom Hoods
and the other the Posts. Can any
body tell which is which:
"His death, which happened in his berth,
At forty-Odd befel;
They went and told the sexton. and
The sexton tolled the bell"
"The pagan ere he breathed his last
Discovered what to do;
The trader sold the c0OIie, and
And the eOolle sold the shoe"
THE old saying, "a man is known
by the company he keeps" is verified
in the style of counting house printing
a business man uses. Let him shop
around and find where he can find his
cards, bill-heads. circulars, ETC., for the
lowest figures, without reference to
the style and quality of work he is to
get, and the result will invariably be
that he gets a very inferior article,
which he is ashamed to present to a
customer, aud finds he has paid dear
for his whistle"
A YOUNG enthusiast was talking to
his intended few evenings since,
urging upon her speedy marriage, and a
start to spend the honey moonin Cal
ifornia.
Il tell you, said he, his face glow
ing with enthusiasm, California is
the paradise of this earth. There's
no use talking"
mo use lalkingl" exclaimed the
lady, with look of some surprise.
mo use talkingl" he repeated.
well, if there's no use talking,
said the lady, what In the name OF
senses do you want of women there
| don't gol