Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-04-15
The Ant.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

They live about one thousand five hun
dred and fifty of them (more or less), in
the same hole in the ground, and hold
their property in common.
They have no holy days, no eight hour
system, nor never strike for emmy higher
wages
They are very cheerful little toilers
and have no malice, nor back door to their
There IL no sedentary loafers among
them and yu never see one out ov job
They git up arly, go tew bed late, work
all the time, and eat on the run.
fu never see two ants argueing sum
phoolish question that neither of them
didn't understands; they didn't kare
whether the moon IL inhabited or not; nor
whether fish weighing two pounds, put
into pail oV water already phull, will
make the pail slop over or weigh more.
They amt hunting after the philoso-
piers stone, nor Citing crazy over the
cause Of the sudden earthquakes
they don't care whether Jupiter is thirty
or thirty-five millions of miles up in the
air, nor whether the earth bobs around on
its axes or not so long as it didn't bob
over their korn krlb and spill their barley
They are simple, little bizzy ants, full ov
NNNA"&Ab WI tlfluS Y,
committing no sin, prazeng God by mind
ing their own bizzness, and dieing when
their time comes, tew make room for the
next crop ov ants
They are reproacb tew the lazy, an
encouragement tew the industrious, re-
buke tew the vicious, and a study tew the
Christian.
LII you want tew take lesson in arkitek-
ture, go and set down bi the side ov their
hole in the ground, and wonder how SO
menny kan live so thick.
Ii your pashunes needs consolashun,
watch the aunts and be strengthened.
II man had (added tew his capacity the
pashunes and grit ov theze atoms ov ami
mated natur, every mountain on the buz-
zum ov the earth would, before this, have
bin leyeled, and every inch of surface
would scream with fruitfulness, and
countless lots ov human critters would
have bin added tew the inhabitants ov the
universe, and bin fed on corn and other
sass.
have sot by the hour and half down
near an ant-hill, and marveled have won
dered at their instinkts, and hav thought
how big must be the jackass who was sat
isfied to believe that even an ant, the least
ov the bugs, could hav bin created, made
bizzy and sot to work by chance.
Oh, how do pity the individual who
beleaves that all things here are the work
Ov an acksidentl He robs himself ov all
pleazure on earth and all right in heaven.
| had rather be an ant (even a humbly,
handy legged, profane, swearing anti,
than look upon the things ov this world
az would upon. the throw of the dice.
Ants are older than Adam.
Man (for very wize reasons) warnt
built until all other things were finished
and pronounced good. 90
If man had been made fust, he would
hev insisted upon bossing the rest of the
job.
He probably would hav objekted to
having any little, bizzy ants at all, and
various other objekshuns would hev been
offered, equally green.
am glad that man wuz the lest thing
made.
If man hadn't hav been made at all,
you never would hav heard me find emmy
fault with it.
haven't much faith in man, not be-
kause he kant do well, but Dekauze he
won't
Ants hav bye laws, and a constitushun,
and taey mean sumthing.
Their laws aint like our laws, made
with hole in them, so that man kan
steal hoss and ride through them on
walk.
They don't hav any whisky ring, that
liz virtewous, simply bekause it hooks bi
the millyun, and then legalizes its own
ackts. 2 Ef9 81 ~ ~
They don't hav emmy legislators that yu
kan buy, nor emmy Judges, laying around
on the haff shell, redy to be swallered.
rather like the ants, and | think now
shall sell out mi money and real estate
and jine them.
had rather jine them than the bulls
or bears like their morals better.
The bulls and the bears handle more
money, it is true, and make CRATE deal
more noize in Wall street, one ov them
sticking his horn into fabby piece of
Erie, and tossing it up into the air, and
the other ketching it when it comes down
and trampling it under hiz paws.
This may be plum for the bulls and the
hears. but it IL wuss than the cholera
morbust for poor Erie.
Ants never disturb Erie; yu couldn't sell
one eny Erie emmy more than you could
sell one skrip on the Goldfish banks of Nu-
foundland.
Ants are honest, hard tugging little
people, but whether they marry and live
In marriage, IL beyond mi strength but if
they don't they are no wuss oph than
they are out West (near the city OF Chi,
cago1 where they marry to day, and are
reddy the next day to fitc it out agin on
some other line.
Wedlock out West (near the CRATE grain
mart, Chicago,) IL one ov them kind ov
locks that almost emmy body kan pick
Neao York Weekly.