Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1870-01-29
The Josh Billings Papcfs.
FEMALE REMARKS.

benO
This il pumper. and yu are not re.
qulred 10 say Yes" out loud, but sfe ex-
Pektet te~ throw yure eyes down into the
earth, az ho w was lookln .ur 4 pin, aud
reply tew the interrogation with kind OF
drs@din-slsh, az tho you waz esung an
oyster, juice and all, of from Ihe half
shell.
Not few press 50 tender lhcme until
1t becomes thorn in the flesh, We will
presume (Iew avoid argumert) that yu
sre on the lookout for sumhlng IN the
neil line lew boosi yu IN Ihe up hill ov
life, and lew keep his eyes on the brlIch
ing when yUO begin iew GO down ~ the
otter eide oy the moGntain. Let me give
VI sum smalI cLuncks Of advice ho" lew
spo, yure future husband
!. The man who IL Jealous OF every
lille auenshun wlch yu GIT from sum 9th
eT fellow, 80 VIII find. after VI are mar.
ried III him. luvs himself more than he
duz W, and what 80 mislook for soIlssl-
tude VI will discover. has changed g.
Indifference. Jealousy lsn'l heart dis
ease: !; is liver kompisiut.
2, a muslasb Is not Indispensable II
is only IInle more hair, aud IL : good
deal Ike moss sad other excic:sences-
Olsen duZ the bes, on slle thst won't ralse
ennyIhing else Don't lorsn thai those
things which go admire IN fellow bslore
marriage, w viii probably hsv iew od.
mlre in q husband siier. and mustash
will iew be very weak diet sllor long
time
3. Il husbands Good be taken lIial, az
Irish cooks are, ,tw o-Ihirds ov them would
be returned; but ihsre d0n'i seem tew be
emmy iaw for this. Therefore, girls, W
will see that after you git man, yu have
COZ lew keep him, even if you lose on
him. Consequently, # 80 have emmy
cold vIues in The house, try hlm on
them, cnce in while, during securing
season, and il swaIierr them well, and
sez be will take some more, he is man
who. when blue Monday, CONS. vii!
wash well.
4. Don'i marry pheller who IL alwuz
ceiling how lis mother duz thIngs. 1t Is
hari lew spiI ihcze az Il IL tsw vean Z
young Que.
laying man han beat!u play ing
on piarns, md kanI hear a dsh,hofn
PLAYING in jhe' sueet Without tutpirg .
back suum.fset, On account Of 'be musick
hat y II h.m, say strip him; he might
saswer lcw tend babe, bui il yu set hlm
hociog g.ouI tie garden, ~ vii! Gnd that
yu hav go. 'ew do it yurSclf. A man
whose whole hcfi lice IN musick (snd not
very hefIy ST thsl), ain'i no better Io' a
husband than seed lil il pow der, but II
he luvs 10 listen while you sing sum gen.
tie ballad, W will Gud him mellow, and
so eoft. Bot don msry enny body for
jlsi one vir;ow emmy quicker than you
wogld flop maD Tor jlst one fault
G. Ii IL one OF the mos! iuiiesi things
for female lew c an old maid success
fully A great many hss lried it, and
made bad job II. Everybody seems
lew look upon old maids JET az they DO
upon dried herbs-in the earet handy
for sickDess-and, therefore, girs, il i-n't
mistake that yu should be willing 10
swop yourself oph, with some true pheI-
low, Tor true husband. The s"sP IL
good ore; but don'i iSvap for emmy man
who IL respectable jest because hi. father
IL. You had better be an old maid for 4
thousand years, aud tDen join the Shak-
ere, than lew buy repentance at this price.
No woman ever made tins trade who did
nol gil either phooI, mean cuss, or
ciowr for husband.
7. In digging down into his subject. i
fod the digging grows harder the further
gil. ii IL much easier lew inform you
who not to marry, Than who iew, for The
reason there iz more ov lbem.
don't ihink you will follow my sd
wise, if give it; and therefore will keep
it, for look upon advise az DO upon
casiorIle--s mean desc tew Civ, and
mean dose iew take.
Butt nust say one thing, girls, or spIIe.
II yu kan find bFight.eyed. healthy and
welI-bsllased boy, who looks upon pow
sriy az sassy az child does upon wealth
who had rather eli! down on lbe curb
sloue. in front Of lbe 5lh avenue hoieI. and
eat ham sand wich. than lew 60 inside
an run in debt for biz dinner and tooth
pick - one who IL armed with that klTd
oy pluck ;hcI mistakes defeat for VIC
tory, my advise IL ieE take HIM boldly
aud soui-snsre bin at INST. for he iz
siray trout, Of a breed very sksrss IN our
waters.
Take him. say. and bid onto him, az
hornets bid onio tree.