Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1870-08-11
.MISCELLANEO US ITEMS.

bance.
lLLSCELLANEO US ITEMS.
A proud man is a fool in fermenta-
tion.
Never.t trust to time-for time will tell.
When lovers quarrel do they return
the kisses ?!
Whoever is badly sold is apt to look
cheap. ..i-. Hit
Blessed is the pedagogue. In scorch-
ing days, he is the only one who keeps
school. -- 4
To convert ain artless maiden into a
heartless one, there only wants '.he."
"I have not loved lightly" said mai
who married 3OO-pound widow.
The following notice appeared upon
the west end of a country meeting
this church will be prosecuted according
to law, or any other nuisance" esa--
My landlady," said the man, "makes
her tea so strong that it breaks the
cups" "And mine, u. said another,
"makes her SO weak it can't run out of
the pot"
Every bird refreshes US with his lay
especially the hen. ...--.-.. .-5..l
Those who attend balls should never
wind up with reel.
DR.. Heron pumped the love and laud-
auum out of a desperate young lady's
stomach, in Pittsburgh. -
A young lady being asked by "a rich
bachelor If not yourself, who would
you rather be-" replied sweetly and
modestly, "Yours truly" a
Mr.. Horace Perry, of Lancaster, O.,
has pet black snake which he wears
about his neck in lieu of cravat. Mr..
Perry ought to have a teamster's black
snake wrapped around his shoulders.
"Did you present your account to the
defendant?" inquired lawyer of his
client. ~ did sir" "And what did he
say?" HE told me to go to the devil"
'And what did you do then ?' Why,
then-I came to YOU" III
In an account of big ball in Hart
ford, the Times newspaper of that city
mentioned young lady who wore a
double shirt, nearly trimmed with mar
row sash ribbon" ,.,s7- 1n. p. ~ II:
"Peter," said a Sunday school teacher,
''yOu are such bad boy that you are
not fit to sit in company with good boys
on the bench-come up here and sit by
me-"
It is said that take tw letters from
money there will be one left; but "a
Southern editor heard of man who
took money from two letters and there
was none left.
A New York phiianthropist never has
green peas for dinner without sending
the pods to the Destitute Widows
Home.
One ofthe sable orators of old Virginia
made a good point when he said, "De
oyster got mo- sense dan some folks,
cause he knew when to keep his mouf
shet." 3F 4
NOTICE. E.-To any one who can say
"Shoes and socks shock Susan" with
rapidity and faultless pronunciation,
four times running, large reward will
be paid. z
A Wag, passing by house which had
been almost consumed by fire, inquired
whose it was. Being told that it was a
said he, then the loss
will be felt"
1t is objected to morning paper that
it is two-cents-ationaL. ~
Advice to Keep your tenn
per or you'll lose your patients.
Before man enters the state of mat
rimony he should ring the belle.
Some one asked lad how it was he
was so short of his age. He replied.
Father keeps me SO busy, L hain't
time to grow"
Spa" said little friend of ours,
"what's the use of giving our little pigs
so much milk? They make hogs of
themselves" a.at.
Railways are aristocratic. They teach
every man to know his own station, and
to stop there.
, A sharp young fellow says, 'if time is
money" he is willing to exchange lit
tie of his for cash. -...,
Why is it impossible for chickens to
have future existence? Because they
have their necks twirled in this. ?
A schoolmaster in Ireland advertises
that he will keep Sunday school twice
a weeh-Tuesdays and Saturdays.
"How can 1 soonest reach the depot?"
said an excited traveller TO small boy of
the ragged persuasion. Rum" was the
sensible reply.
.Weeannot alwaysjudge of the quality
of a thing correctly by its connection.
Poetry may have a ring in it, so may a
pigs nose.
A netrified cat has been found under
an old church being denolished in New
ton, Conn. 1t was probably the Cardif's
pet mouser.
A man in Indiana wants divorce be-
cause his wife swears at him and sets
him on the hot stove when he don't be-
have.
A Western paper rouses its Fourth of
July enthusiasm by publishing a cut of
a flag and the motto, "Wave, beauteous
piece of CLOTH"
Temperance.