Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-11-04
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A SLOW Set-a hen 8 Set.-
Inn genius-A hotel clerk
A quack dish-roass duck.
A sweet strain-clear honey.
A cercous matter-Bees- wax.
A dead language
Text for brewer-He brcws Xxx:
A big thing on eyes-Spectacles
When is hen a rooster? At night.
A aeoting show-A travelling circus.
A bad debt-The owing of grudge.
lmmodest act-stripping to the task.
Deer lodges-Five dollars -a-day hotels.
Fruits for editorial digestion Fresh dates
Steady work alking on the tight rope.
Tho Tee totalIer's Paradise-The Tenn
perate Zone.
Oldest Western settler-The sun, of
course.
How to build house for nothing-use
freestone. Punch.
A bug that fourishes all the year round
Humbug.
Giving man hard name-Calling him
br iok.
Posthumorous-Th joke of the man who
was hanged.
A small thing to keep-The right side of
some people.
Many men are worth nothing, and some
are worth less.
Dangerous associates those who "dress
to kill"
A literary ass-builders, they are al
ways finishing stories.
Not Synonymous justice of the peace
and piece of justice
1t is not always he who has the most nose,
who knows the most
Variety is the spice of life. So Of news
paper. But neither should be allspice.
It does not follow that the moon has dol
lar because it has four quarters
Why don't farmers like bad summer ?
Because it goes against the grain.
Why have widows a right to hirt ? cause
the Bible says the widows mite.
Go slowly to the entertainments OF your
friends, but quickly to their misfortunes.
Though business may be dull a scissors
grinder makes sharp thing oft every day.
Why is lawyer like sawyer? Because
which ever way he moves, down must come
the dust.
Charles says; eff you are in doubt
whether to kiss pretty give her the benefit
of the doubt"
Why does the fool who never laughs re.
mind you of the wisest man? Because he
is solemn'un.
If the ladies lace their waists somewhat
tight, gentlemen often get their whole bodies
in that condition
A man named Tease has married a Miss
Cross. He leased her until she agreed not
to be Cross any more.
A man being dissatisfied with the bill of
an expressman, was allowed to express his
feelings without charge.
Talk of precious stones-the most valu
able as well as the most useful stone in the
world is the grind-stone.
The ladies of Wankon, Iowa, have organ
lied hook and ladder company. A ladies
hose company will be next in order
Let the cause Of temperance prosper ever
SO well, it cannot prevent the whole world
from going on a big burst one eff these fine
days.
A lady in Oshkosh amused herself in
church, on Sunday, by counting the diff
ferent styles of doing up hair, and found
ffty-one.
At recent debate Of club in the sub
urbs the young chairman decided that floor
ing an opponent with thu fist was 'unpar-
liamentary."
1t is said that Jersey CITY has "Tem-
perance brass band y if this is this case, we
don't see how any member can conscien-
tiously "take horn.'
What is the difference between a man
paralyzed with fear, and leopard's tail p
One rooted 60 the spot, and the other is
spotted to the root.
It is said some babies are so small that
they can creep into a quart measure, but
the way in which some adults can walk into
such measures is astonishing.
''As soldier says a Chicago letter,
General Sheridan has no match" Then
let him do as he did hundreds Of times in
the Shenandoah Valley-use a chunk of fire.
The difference between war and peace
has been well defined by one of the SCENT
lists: 1n time of peace the sons bury their
fathers. In time Of war the fathers bury
their sons"
An impertinent young fellow offered to
bet the teacher of a young ladies' grammer {
school who was Boosting of the proficiency
OF his pupils, that not one Of them would
"decline" the noun husband.
A young lady explained to her lover the
distinction between printing and publishing. ;
and at the conclusion of her remarks, by
way of illustration, she said: "You NAV
print kiss on my check, but you must not
publish it.
'Mr. Smith" said lawyer to his land
lord, IF man were to give you five hun.
dred dollars to keep for him, and he died
what would you do? Would you prav for
him? "No, sir" replied Mr.. Smith, "Pd
pray for another like him." {
A SOLDIER AND PARsoN. The Scots.
vile Register says that the Rev. Mr.. Leatb-
ers, meeting Confederate soldier during
the late war, commenced a RELIGIONS con.