Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-11-10

SMALL EXPECTATIONS.


In was generally supposed by sur family
and those who knew us well, that my
Uncle B,lncle would leave me some
thing -at his demise. In fact, ! thought
% myseIf Our reasons for this belief
were these. 8@-s
id When l was little girl, though he
took no notice whatever of other little
girls, he always patted me on the head
when ~e met and said, lila, ha! here you
are, Hctty." 3aaff p 't
I'd. When l was big girl, and went to
school, he always chucked me under the
chin on holiday occasions, and inquired,
Well, what are they teaching you, Ilct-
w."
3D. When had grown to be woman,
he established the following form Of greet
ing as a permanent thing: HIM! how do
you do?"
4th. He never took notice of any one
else in SO many words, but merely nodded
70 all other mortals.
5tiI when / was married, he presented
me with an antcdiluviana tortoise shell
comb, once the property Of the late Mrs.
Bunclc, and or q preposterous fashion, said
to have been In vogue at q remote date, the
back half foot high, and deliberately
generally, and never before had been
known to give the bride anything but a
scolding, this was really something to build
npon-though, by the way offended him
sorcly by refusing To wear the horrible
thing TO the altar on my wedding day.
Now, Of course l did not wish Uncle
Buncle 70 die; nor could | have done so II
] had been certain that on his dcceasc,
should have been a millionaire: still We
know that all flesh IL mortal and Uncle
Buncle was like all the rest Of the world in
this respect and when he did depart, II
would be comfort to be the means Of
presenting Charlie with six thousand
pounds
When We moved TO our charming little
cottage al Barley Hill, then Idecided when
Uncle Buncle visited US, / would make
him so comfortable that the matter would
be quite settled And, in fact, the spare
room was furnished with an eye To his pc
culiar tastes, and large amount of pep
per was laid in with which to season his
Eavorite dishes. However, Uncle declined
cur invitations persistently; and having
kept our spare room empty for long
while, we at last informed the rest Of our
friends who had promised to visit us that
we were anxious for their company.
We certainly were. Nothing could have
pleased US better than that they should
have arrived in body on one day. But
alas Barley Hill cottage had few dis
advantages; among them the fact that
there were but four rooms and bath room
with which, by they way, VIC had such
MI indcscribable amount Of trouble, on nc.
count Of cur faulty plumbing, that we
wished that modern convenience were not
in our possession. a
Consequently, when on one day we had
the pleasure Of mcetinS the Misses Joties,
the Misses Brown and their mamma, cousin
Narissa and Mrs. Twitt's Miranda Jane,
aged nine, we were rather puzzled. How
ever, necessity il the mother of invention.
We apologizcd 10 the Misses Brown and
their mamma for putting them oil three to-
gcthcr In the spare room. We resigned
ours without murmur To the Misses
Jones. We begged cousin Clnrissa to ex.
the parlor, and made couch with three
chairs and bolster for Miranda Jane, in a
corner cupboard. Then Charley impro.
vised bed upon the bath and after drap-
ing the machinery with curtains, and
making a valance for the side Of the bath
really felt quite proud Of our handiwork
And we had fairly began to enjoy our
selves among our friends, when late one
warm afternoon, some one raped ut the
door and / was greeted with Him! how
do you dor"
II was Uncle Buncle, and he had como to
stay.
Delighted" gasped.
"Charmed to see you, sir, said Charlie.
Then We exchanged glances, and mutely
asked where shall we put himg"
Echo answered, where "
so glad you have come" said again.
And Uncle answered Thanks" He
had seized upon this ono fashionable va.
ration with avidity, because II seemed ia
do away with the personal politcncss In,
volved in.the words, |" thank you" = = !
Thanks. Like to 60 TO my room a,
oncc--wash my hands" f.sasF $3.50
His room-he must be taken somewhere
not to the spare bedroom, for there Mrs
Jones and daughters were dressing for din
ner; not TO ours, for there the Misses
Brown were crimplng their trcsses. So
led him 70 the bath room, and left him IL
sacrifice to the cruces. > -, !,
Remarkable bcdstcad, that of yours,
he said when he returned to us "Some
new patent, suppose, Very rickety,
generally, these new patents. Old fash
Toned things much the best---mtich. How
ever curtains are very well--like old
times. All everything dreadfllly changed,
dreadfully!" l,t
To which we, the guilty parties, answered
only by bushes. 80 sR'z
That night Uncle Bunclc slept upon our
couch, and we sat up In the kitchen. We
bore 1t very we'll for while; but finally,
n,addened with want Of sleep, Charlie, sup
porting his aching head, inquired of me In
. plaintivc whine. Why didn't you kick
the old brute out, Hettys"A
Don't DEAR" I pleaded; II know it's
very uncomfortables but still, though he ii