The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1870-06-24
The Egis & Intelligencer.
BEL AIR, MD, JUNE 24tL,, 1870 y
G&k ~ III III aNl z
ABOUT WALLER DOGS.

When Noah disembarkcd at Ararat he
had scarcely touched the pier when he
proceeded to tally his passengers. He had
just checked his last item in the list-a
Mr.. and Mrs. Bed Bug-when the cringing
figure Ola quadruped camesneaking down
the gangplank with his tail between his
legs. "Drat it if there amt that yaller
dog" says Noah, aiming vicious kick
with his brogan at the brute. But, with a
facility born of long and bitter experience,
the brute lodged the projectile, and, ejacu-
latipg Xxi (which is Syriac for DE
clined with thanks or mot for joel he
disappeared, while Noah, who had his sea
legs on, was unable to recover his equili-
brium, and sat down, with emphasis, on
the back of his head
Noah arose, and in accordance with the
style prevalent among the patriarchs, he
proceeded to soothe his affronted dignity
by pronouncing variegated anathema up
on the yaller dog, which had characteristic
callv sneaked unobseryed on board in the
confusion of putting to sea, and capsized
the captain at the first port. He cursed
that dog in body and limb, bark, hide,
hair, tail and wag, and all his generations,
relations and kindred by consanguinity or
affinity, and his heirs and assigns He
cursed him with endless hunger, with per-
petual fear, with perennial laziness, with
HOPELESS mango, with incessant tleas, and
with his tail between his legs. He closed
his stock of maledictions by sparkling
display ofpyrotechnics, from the demorali-
ling effects of which the yallcr dog has
never recovered.
With this curse sticking to him like u
Il hel In
being cussed. He don't try to help it. He
fidelity. He is an Ishmaelite among dogs
He receives the most oppressive cour6sies,
in the form of brickbats, boots and hot
water, which make his life an animated
target excursion He boards around like
district school teacher, and it is meal
time with him twenty-tour hours in the
day. The rest of the time he bankers after
something to eat. He is omniverous for
an epicure. Cram him at Delmonico's and
he would hunger for dessert from any AL
bany boarding house
He can't be utilized. He is too tired.
AS a swill-cart locomotive, a hunter or
sentinel he is an ignominious failure. The
dogchurn was a strategic attempt to en-
pfoy his waste energies, but he hadn't any
waste energies, and butter had too much
selfrespect to come at his persuasion.
So the dog churn was dropped.
No sausage-maker dare foreclose his lien
on the yaller dog, lest his customers
longer soothed and sustained by an unfal-
tering trust transfer their patronage to
some less audacious dealer. The savages,
who admire baked dogs and who can even
attack tripe and explore the mysteries of
hash, without dismay, acknowledge the
yaller dog to be too much for their gastric
intrepidity.
Healways manages to belong to ragged,
tobacco chewing, whiskey- drinking mas
ter, whose business is swapping dogs and
evading the dog tax. The yaller dog is
acquainted with himself, and he enjoys
the intimacy with edifying contempt. He
sinks along through life on diagonal
dog trot, as if in doubts as to which end
of him is entitled to the precedence he
is always peryaded by hang dog sense of
guilt, anu when retributive tin ware is
fastened to his tail, he flies from the wrath
to come with a Mortified celebrity which
ought to be suggestive to two-lcgged sin
ners ola similar ordeal in store for them.
The yaller dog is.-well, to speak in ital-
les, he is a sl0ach.-Nark Tacain