The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1870-11-28
A Humorous View of the Farmers
CIub-Mark TwaIn's Report of the
Proceedings.
[From the Buffalo Express.
Coput oh1o 0ujnp desired the Club

lFrom The Buffalo Express.
Ex-Constable Quinn desired the Club to
inform him how to make hogs root.
DR.. Slow had been practical farmer Tor the
last six weeks, and in all the varied agricul-
tural experience no such article rs hogs
root had ever come under bis NOTICE. What
was it: Was it edible! Was it useful in
any way, or was it, as he more than sus-
pected, another worthless humbug devised
by the sharpers to defraud us practical
farmers? He knew not whether 1t was
propagated by seeds or by cuttings, but he
would advise Mr.. Quinn to be shy Of hogs.
root, especially if it was new-fangled or
high-priced tuber.
MIR. Moker, the agricultural writer, eX-
planned the anatomy of the hogs proboscis.
1t is designed for subterranean toraging,
which Mir. Quinn's inquiry probably re-
ferred. Being a delicate organ, 1t is liable
to injury. He would recommend that MIR.
Quinn wipe his hogs nose. If ne finds il
red, he may be sure it Is tender and needs
protection by a metallic shield. Some re-
sort to the strategic device OF inserting
wire ring in the hogs nose, in his efforts tC
remove which he would naturally thrust
his snout into the soil, and thus root I'M
Willingly. That was playing it rather low
on the hog, and the metallic shield was pre-
ferable on the score Of fair-dealing and phi
lanthropy.
MIR. Greeley exhibited pumpkin of his
own raising. AS it embodied his solitary
and browning success, after several wears
of discouraging failure in pumpkin culture,
the club surrounded it with uncovered
heads and mingled emotions of surprise,
admiration, and envy. 1t was superb
fruit, and when Mr.. G.'s hat was placed on
it, to illustrate its size and symmetry, the
hat and pumpkin seemed so perfectly adapt
ed to each other, and together produced an
effect so startling, that several enthusiastic
members swore they would have known
who raised that pumpkin if they had seen
1t anywhere. 1t is to be photographed by
Quincy, and next years Tribune subscrib-
the flattering product of one bushel Of seed
planted on the farm In Champagne. Soon
after blossoming the vine manifested an in-
clination to wither. 1t was thereupon
transplanted to q large nower-pot and re-
moved to the town residence OF its founder.
For some time it pinned and dropped, and
they sat up nights with it, expecting that
every moment would be its last, but every
moment turned out not to be its last, and
with careful nursing it finally rallied and
came up to maturity, as cherished and
tough pumpkin as ever grew.
DR.. Sixhammers suggested that the result
IT. us
numpkin showed how every city family
could provide itself with pumpkin-pie. He
boped to see the day when every window
sill in every city would be adorned with
fructifying pumpkin-pots, and every work
mans cottage uncovered in pumpkin
Thos. Dodd, of New Hampshire, writes
TO the club that he is fifty years old, intirm
with consumption, has large family, ten
dollars In money, and wants to know what
Mr.. Moker: Go out to Greeley Colony
and invest in our irrigating ditch.
Mr.. Layman Buy q Texas rancho or a
Florida orange grove:
DR.. slimble: His health requires light
farming in bracing climate. Lethlm start
an indigo plantation In Alaska. .
Mr., Greeley: Hesmustn't come to New
York. His $40 wouldn't last year but
out west he can invest it and grow up with
the country. If / had gone west with S10
at his age, ! should be a happy man now,
with two suits Of respectable garments, an
Office, and conscience guiltless Of distract
ing tariff and farming essays. 5-ss.-s 81 ,'
Kr. Herrings invited the club to visit his
farm, thirty miles up the river, next We'd
nesday, and inspect horse-radish that he
had persuaded to vegetate. The ground
was titled, sub-soiled, andy op-dressed. He
had expended upon that plant only half a
ton Of bone. dust, one cart-Ioad Of ashes, and
q barrel Of guano !; yet in spite OF bis ne
gIect, Ii had within 3 year grown to the
Size of his little finger. His foreman would
explain to the clerk the peculiar difficulty
of raising this rare exotic. He would treat
the club to Q regular farmers dinner the
materials for which he had already engaged
at the city markets.
The club accepted and adjourned.