The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1870-12-30
An old miser in Ireland left will /

queathing " to my sister-in- law, Mary Den
mis-, four old worsted stockings which she
will find under my bed" To nephew,
two other stockings, to the housekeeper,
"for her long and faithful services, my
cracked earthen pitcher" and other lega-
ces of the same character to other persons.
The legatees were in high state of wrath,
but one of them having kicked down the
pitcher, and found it full Of guineas, the
Others examined the stockings, and found
them similarly lined.
Judge r., of Indiana, has his eccentrici-
ties, but an ADLER jurist cannot be found in
the West A young, windy lawyer was
once making a plea in man-slaughter
case before the Judge. The lawyer talked
beautifully, but didn't touch the points in
the CASE AS he was about closing, the
Judge asked him which side he was re-
tanned on. "The defence, your honor" re-
piled the astonished lawyer. Then"
said Judge p, "why the deuce don't you
say 500"
An Illinois woman made q fair agree
ment with her husband to commit suicide
if he would, so they both held their heads
under water until the husband was dead,
when the woman emerged sound as dol
lar, paid the funeral expenses, and married
again in two weeks. How that poor drown
ed man must feel now about the incon-
stancy of the fair sex. Twas ever thus
"A child, while walking through an art
gallery with her mother, was attracted by
a statue of Minerva. "Who is that 2" said
she. my child, that is Minerva, the god
dess of wisdom." why didn't they make
her husband, too?" because she had
none, my child" THAT was because she
was wise, wasn't it, mamma ?" was the art-
less reply.
An editor down east thus speaks Of a
contemporary "He is too lazy 10 earn
meal and too mean to enjoy one. He was
never generous but once, and that was
when he gave the itch to his apprentice.
So much for his goodness of heart. Of his
industry, the public may the better Judge
when we state that the only day he ever
worked was the day he mistook castor oil
for honey"
The very latest thing in the advertis-
ing line is lady who, through the news
papers, seeks for employment as an lorna.
mental guest" She will assist at dinner
or evening parties-by her grace, and wit,
and beauty contributing to the entertain-
ment of guests, and she will do everything
in the highest style of the art-only she
demands that handsome compensation
be made.
The following WAS copied literally
from an old tombstone in Scotland:
Here lies the body ofAexander MCPHERSON,
Who was very extraordinary person.
Who was two yards high in his stocking feet,
lie was slew
At the battle of Waterloo,
Plump through
The gullet. 1t went in through his throat,
And came out at the back OF his coat.
The first church organ in Boston was
put into Kings Chapel in 1918, but so great
was the prejudice against it that for seven
months it stood unpacked in the vestibule
of the church. When it was put up, and
its sounds were heard, it met with favor.
1t was related that one old lady expressed
her opinion oft by saying Its pretty
bex of whistles, but an awful plaything for
the Sabbath
= party of respectable Chicago ladies
have formed society for retaining young
men, and they go about the streets nights
aid pick up young men who show signs Of
dissipation, invite them to their houses and
treat them to ice cream, chicken salad, &c.,
and let them go home sober. AS the result,
it is reported that half the young men in
town lie around the streets nights to be ia
ken in.
-Au old widow was requested by the
dear departed aristocratic relatives to give
false name when she went out washing, so
as not to disgrace the family.