Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1870-03-24
Amusing Paragraphs.

Why are umbrellas like good Catholics ?
They keep lent so well
WHAT should clergymen preach about ?
About fifteen minutes.
WHEN is fowls neck like a bell? When
1t Is wrung for dinner.
SUFFERING from wet groceries" is the
polite name for drunk in Chicago.
SHOULD auld acquaintance be forgot ?"
Not if they have money.
How long does a widow mnurn for her
husband? She mourns for second.
LONDON has discovered Mordaunt that
fixes the dye of fast colors on the Prints of
Wales.
A GREAT beer-drinker sat out dull drama
because he wanted to see the fin(e)ale of
the play.
A SENTIMENTAL youth says he prefers
hanging on the neck to hanging by the
neck; but that both are dangerous
A CHAPLAIN of a state prison was asked
by friend how his parishioners were.
"Ail under conviction" was the reply.
WHY is a dog with a broken leg like boy
at arithmetic? Because he puts down three
and carries one.
GERMAN version of an old couplet: '.Man
wants but little beer below, but wants that
little strong"
JoLH BILLINGS says: "One of the fus-
siest scenes l ever see'dwuz two old maids
waitin on one sick widower."
WHY is the earth like blackboard Be-
cause the children of men multiply upon
the face of it.
ARE members of City Council called
"City Fathers" from their extensive deal
ings in ''pap?"
School MARIN to little Josie: "Where is
the North Pole, Josie7" Top of the man.
marm."
"a MAN can't help what is done behind
ms back, as the scamp said when he was
kicked out of doors.
INs game of cards great deal depends
on good playing. and good playing on
good deal.
Mr. BILLINGS is of the opinion that
"thare IL lots ov people in this world who
covet mistortunes, just for the luxury of
AN freshman that was very near-sighted, |
about to fight duel, insisted that he
should stand six PAGES nearer his Antagonist
than the other did to him.
A COMMENTATOR discovers that Nebu- |
chadnezzar invented the popular game of |
"old sledge, because he got his living on
''all fours" for seven years.
An old farmer whose son had lately died.
was visited by neighbor, who began to
'ondole with him on his loss. "My loss !"
exclaimed the father, mo such thing: it
was his own loss-he was of age"
A METHODIST minister in Vermont has
orbidden any one to play base viol in his
,hurch. He says however serious his
thoughts may be, the moment he hears q
lddle he goes to thinking how he used to
lance.
THERE is an old lady in Lynchburg. Va,
Vho says she made pair of SOCKS last
lfteen years by merely knitting feet 10
hem every winter, and legs every other
7inter.
A WESTERN school. teacher received the
oilowing note from one Of her scholars as
N excuse for tardiness: "Baby cross Bis
nit to Bake Had no Baken powders the
log up set the coffee pot the cat licl1sd Il in
be Milk and got Up late Excuse"
GENTLEMAN was chijing his son for
laying out late at night, or rather early
ext morning, aud said: .'Why, when
'as OF your age my father would not allow
ne to go out of the house after dark. -
Then you had a deuce of father, YOU
ad, sneersd the young profigate; where.
pom the father very rashly vociferated. al
ad confounded sight better one than You !
ave you young rascal"
AN Eastern clergyman, who called upon
lady to condole with her upon the sup
osed loss Of her husband while out in his
oat at sea, was told by her that ..Benia-
hin dearly loved his Bible; and if he was
allied to leave, he was prepared to 90. for
q was good man." Here a long silence
nsued. Finally, drying her tears, the
life said in low and earnest tone, "Well.
he did go, it must have been that same
ust that slowed the barn" The missing
IAN subsequently returned.