The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1870-02-25
lon FLAN DEALER.

@% 'N1ck utSt urea pcncueS
he ssid b sliked tho flavor, but the
seeds lay heavy on his stomach.
An old trapper of Arizona, who
has just scalped his fifteenth Indian,
Gays: 1T is good Staying out here
this season. 49,. q.
Don't trouble yourself to stretch
your mouth any wider" said dent
ist to his patient; Il intend to stand
outside todrawyyour tooth"
A Ifishman who was drinking the
health Of a bishop, gave this toast {:
Nay your Reverence live to eat the
old hGfthst crows over your grave"
An editor says: LAT our bar
be1h yesterday morning there was an
oldSc6sp With head as smooth as a
billiard ball. L say now, George.
snarlcd he, part my hair evenly.
There isn't much left to part said
the verbose George. You have al
ways said that. and yet you have fn-
ishcd by parting it somehow, and I
guess you can now No use to try.
sir. but I'll tell you what I'll do; IN
make . line with a piece Of rcd
ehslk.''
A newly married lady in Chic 90
complained to her ma that on her re-
ception-day her card basket was over
run with circulars from lawyers, an
nouncing terms for divorce. $50
absurd, you know. ma, before our
honeymoon is,over." ..True DEAR
replied ma, (who has been twice d.
vorced, } but Id put them in a safe
place; You may find them very useful
in year or two
A miller had his neighbor arrested
upon the charge of stealing wheat
from his mill, but being unab to
prove the charge the court adjudg.d
that the plaintiff should apologize to
the accused: "Well," said be. live
had you arrested for stealing my
wheat. | can't prove it. and I'm
'0Eysrrh.s fsr go So
Al exchange says: AZ "You might
~ Wi attempts to shampoo tho head
OILS ELEPHANT With . thimblsful Of
soap suds as to attempt to do busiu-
ssl snS ignore printers ink.''E
why did Joseph's brethren put
hio ia pitl asked . Buffalo Sun
day Stool teacher; ana the reply be
got was, because there was no room
for him in the family circle" :
CouLDS'r Srurp Him." &c
away" said Muggins, 'you can't
stuff sich nopsenssF in me. Six feet
in bis boots l Bah |! no man az live,
stands more arr Two feet III his boots,
and nessse lhking bout it. Nigh,
~ wcle4slf6le tho man had six heads
in his hat!''
.fAp Irishm.n dropped letter in
the post Office the other day, with
the following memorandum on the
corner, for the benefit of all INDECENT
postmasters into whose hands it might
falf-s~"'Pieast hasten the delay Of
this"
Brasidas, the famous Lacedam on
ian general caught mouse: it bit
him, and by that means made its es-
cape. go Jupiter!" cried he "what
creature so contemplate but may
havoits liberty If it will contend for
sA.cOuntry clergyman says be has
married but one couple in = year, and
that they paid him nothing, stayed
to dinner sit was a rainy day, and
then borrowed his umbrella when
they left. which he has never seen
since.
please, Mr.. Smith. papa wants
to knowsif you won't lend him the
model Of your hat:'
ss''Certainly. my son; what for?"
He ,yants to make a ssarccrow.
A southern exchange tells of ne
gro who Insisted that his race was
mentioned in the Bible. He said he
heard the preacher read about how
"Nigger Demus wanted to be born
again.
A pa,egoris wedding took place in
Osvego. n. Y, Friday evening. 1t
vas the first anniversary Of the mar
rage of young Oswegonian who,
meantime, had been blessed with an
heir, aud his friends improved the
opportunity to send in liberal sup
plies Of that indispensable medicine