The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-01-18
John Quilts Farm Experience
IF YOU take my advice you won't
A GOOD STORY.

This thing of being farmer is all very
nice for you to read about, you know, but
if you get in the business you will wish
you had been born in an orphan asylum,
and died in your second summer.
| don't want to obtrude my private al
fairs on the public, but I'm like an
awful example in temperance lecture,
you understand, aud if ] can save any
other men, from my fate, why | am 60
ing to do it. My advice to all men is,
be an honorable organ grinder, or an ex
President, or a gorilla, or go into the cold
victual business, or peddle matches, but
don't agricult..
bought small farm in New Jersey,
and becamer a. hus5andman. stocked
the estate with all the apparatus, and as
| didn't know any more about farming
than. a goose does about four dollars a
week. | engaged man named StoddIes
assmy constitutional adviser. Stoddles
professed to be up to all the herbolic dod-
ges, but | must confess that after eigh-
teen months | consider Stoddles fraud.
AS an absolute failure he is perfect sue
cess.
In the first place there was not drop
of water on the premises, and Stoddles
said he would advise me as a friend, to
dig q we'll So got a lot Of tools and
begun. We hadn't dug. more than six
feet before we struck solid rock. | want
ed to slant her off to one side, but Stod-
dies observed that that was the rock on
which the State OF old New Jersey was
founded, and we would have to blast
her
So we blasted her and got one Of the
finest earthquakes you ever saw in your
born days 1t shook down two chimneys
and a lightning rod, and Stoddles was
struck on the head with a falling Of a
brick.
We dug in that well for a week, and
we struck everything but water could
have got coal, OIL gold, marble and
mari or anything else out Of that excava-
tipn, but | was looking after cold water
Just then, and [ would not touch any
thing else. Stoddies took me aside
at the end Of the week and confidently ad-
vised me to stick att for, said he, you
know if you can't get water at first, if
you keep on you're bound to strike water
ON the outside, and then you have a sure
thing Of it; you have got it all in your
own hands, you understand.
Stoddles put me in mind Of man who
grew carrots SO long that the. Chinese
pulled them through by the roots from
the opposite side Of the globe before he
got a chance at them.
My oxen were singular oxen. They
both seemed to have St. Vitus' dance in
their tails, they could never keep them
still.
1t annoyed me, for | was afraid every
minute they would work, loose, and nc
decent farmer, you know, wants to be
wandering around with bob tailed oxen
So L tied stone to the end of each tail tc
keep them down, and this worked vel
enough until one morning when the flies
were bad, and the near OK got his brush
up, stone and all, and like to have brain
ed my Oldest boy. I've got the tail tec
to his off hind leg now, and if he wants
to switch it, he's got to lift himself of
the ground. And it's the same way
with the hens. bought lot of hen,
On purpose to lay eggs, but they're not OF
that lay. Every one I've got seems tt
feel that she is out Of her normal sphere
if she is not setting. That old spreeklel
hen of. mine has been thrown up in tn,
air, soused in cold water, put under
barrel, and had all the inducements helC
out to her to knock too, but she has
good deal Of frmness Of character, an,
she is now trying to hatch a door knol
aud grindstone handle, and [ thinl
she'll succeed
1 planted some onions some time age
and | waited all summer to see then
bear. But they didn't After they hat
gone to seed, Mr. Stoddles said that on
ions grew under ground and | ought t.
have them dug out.
Next year planted some tomatoes
and as soon as they came I began dig
ging for them. Mr.. Stoddles said that
had ruined all the plants, for tomatoe
grow,on the top. Why don't they hav
al tb;,,,e ol;l,o ouyba,r IUl.A,a IL,