The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1870-04-08
Cousin Sally billiard.
srene-A Court Of yassioe ia sosA Car

Dina. 49,. - 49, q. .-,r W.. "a
A beartlless disciple OF Thcmis rises,
and thus addresses the court.-"May II
please your worship. and you, gentlemen
OF the Jury, since 10 has been my fortune,
good or bad will not say), TO exercise
myself in legal acquisitions, Il has never
beE,llen me TO be obliged To prosecute SO
dreadful, SD marked and malicious an
assault; more wilful. violent and dan
gerous battery. and finally more di-
abolic breach Of the peace has seldom
happened i'm u civilized country, and 1
dare say II has seldom been your duty tn
pass upon one SO shocking to benevolent
feelings rs this which took place over Mt
Captain Rice's In this county. But you
will hear from the witnesses"
The witnesses being sworn, two or
three wcrc examined and deposed-one
said that he heard the noise and did not
see the iight-another. that he seed the
row, but didn't know who struck first
and third. that he was very drunk and
couldn't say much about the skirmish.
LdiCyer ChOpS.-I am very sorry. gen
tlemen, to have wasted your time with
the stupidity of the witnesses examined.
II arises gentlemen, altogether from mis-
apprehension on my part. Had / known
rs now do. that l had witness in At
tendance, who was well acquainted with
the Circumstances Of the case, aud who
was able to make himself clearly under.
stood by the court and jury, should
not so long have trespassed on your time
and patience. Come forward Mr.. Har-
ris, and be sworn.
So forward comes the witness, n fat,
chubby old man n little cornell, and took
his oath with an mir.
ChOpS.-Ilarris, we wish You IN tell us
all about the riot that happened the other
day ut Captain Rice's, and rs good deal
of time has already been wasted in cir
cumlocution. we wish you to be COM
plicit rs possible.
Harris. -Edzackly (giving the lawyer
n knowing wink, and at the same time
clearing his throaD Captain Rice he gin n
treat, and Cousin Sally billiard, she came
over to our house, and aNed me If my
wife she mount 90. l told Cousin Sally
billiard that my wife WIS poorly, seeing
rs how she had the rhcumatics in the hip,
and the big swamp was in the road. anti
the big swamp WAS up. for there hal been
n heap of rain here lately, but howsomc-
ever, rs II was she, Cousin Sally billiard,
NV wife she mout 90. Well, Cousin Sal
* Dilliar,l axed me If Moses mount go.
/ told Cousin Sally DillSrd that Nose was
foreman of the crop. and the crop was
smartly in grass; but hOwsomcver rs l.
was she, Cousin Sally billiard, Nose no
mout 60
Gin the name of common sense, Mr..
Harris, what do you mean by this risma-
role?
W.-Captain Rice he gin u treat, and
Cousin Sally billiard she come over tn
our house and axcd me If my wife she
mount 90. l told Cousin Sally Dill
ard
C.-Stop, sir. If you please, we don't
want To know anything about your Cousin
Sally billiard and your wife-te. usabout
the fight Mt Rice's.
W.-Well, well, sir, that Is, If you
will let me.
C.-Well. sir. go on.
W.-Well. Captain Rice he Gin treat,
and Cousin Sally billiard she come over
to our house and aNed me If my wife she
mount go
C.-Therc It is again; witness, please
stop!
H.-Well, sir, what do you want ?
Give want to know about the fight,
and YOU must not proceed in this impcrti-
ncnt manner. Do Won know anything
about the matter before the courtP
W.-To be sure / do.
C.-well. you go on and tell 1t, and
nothing else.
W.eWell, Captain Rice he gin n treat.
C.-This is intolcrablc. May it please
the court, move that this witness be COM
mitted for contempt; he seems to be
triiling with the court.
COurt.-You are now before q court oil
Justice; unless You behave yourself in u
more becoming manner, you will be sent
to iail: so begin and tell what you know
about the fight ut Captain Ricc's.
W-(alarmed) Well, gentlemen. Cap
toin Rice he gin n treat, and Cousin Sally
Dilliarl-
CT hope this witness may be ordered
into custody.
Cont CATER delibcating).-Mr. httor-
ney, the court is of the opinion that we
may save time by letting the witness ~
ON in his own way. Proceed. Mr.. liar-
ris, with your story, but stick to the
point.
YVES, gentlemen; Captain Rice ho
Gin n treat. and Cousin Sally billiard she
come over to our house, and axed me II
my wife she mount 60. told Cousin
Sally billiard that my wife WAS poorly,
being ne how she had the rheumatcs in
the hip. and the big swamp was M, but
howsomcyer rs il was she, Cousin Sally
billiard. she mout 20. Well, Cousin SAB
ly billiard then axcd me IL Mose-he mont
so. told Cousin Sally billiard rs how
Mosc he was the foreman of the crop ant
the crop was smartly ia the grass, but
howsomever rs il was she, Cousin Sally
Lilliar,. Nose he mout 20. And they
went, and they come to the big swamp,
and il was up. rs was telling you. but
being rs how there WAS n log across tho
bic swamp, Cousin Sally billiard and
Nose. like gentecl folks, they walked the
log. but my wife. like darned fool. hist
cd her coats and waled right through
and that's az 1 k,lOio about The fgh.
A Queer Theory.
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