The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1870-03-24
Wit and Hat2l1O3'.

A little boy out west being asked if he
knew where liars were, answered: Yes, IN
New York, to write for the papers,
l--4 DR.. Holmes says that easy crying widows
take new husbands soonest. There is moth
ing like wet weather for transplanting.
sa' A negro boy in Tallahassee stole can of
powder, the other day, and thinking it con-
tanned something good to eat, set it on the
stove to warm. He will not eat anything
more.
When yoa see man gazing at female
lady walking the street, put him down as a
weak CONSTRUCTED man, and subjected tn
nightmare and uther ferocious animals.
An old lady gave this as her idea of a
great man /: 'sOne who is keerful Of his
clothes, ont drink spirits, kin read the Bible
without spellin' the words, aud eat cold
dinner on wash day, without grumbling
A Dubuque young lady, who has been con
fined in the Iowa Insane Asylum for fourteen
months because she would not marry the
man of her cruel parents choice, has been
ascertained to be very mad but not insane.
y. "shall help you to some tomatusses?"
inquired young exquisite of venerable
physician, as he sat opposite to him at a hotel
table. "No, sir, thank you,' replied the
learned savant; 'but I'll trouble you for the
potatusses, if you please. 'A
CoNUNDRUMs.-Wha hat can you not name
.ithout hron Siianco
What roof covers the most noisy tenant?
The roof of the mouth.
Who are bushes like little girls? Because
they become women
When is blow from lady welcome?
When she strikes you agreeably.
Why is an egg overdone like one under
done? Because It's hardly done.
What is that which is made by q train,
travels with train, is Of no use to train,
but train cannot travel without it ? A noise.
% Two Yankees, strolling in the woods with
out any arms in their possession, observed
bear climbing tree with his paws elasped
around the trunk. One Of them ran forward
and caught the bears paws, one in each
hand. He then called out to his comrade:
jonathan, run home and bring me some
thing to kill this varmin, and you don't stay,
or Tn in fix" n.
Jonathan ran off, but staid long time
During the interval, the bear made several
attempts to bite the hand of him who held it.
At length Jonathan came back.
"Hello, what kept you SO long,"
"Well, I'll tell you. When 1 got home,
breakfast was ready. so staid to it."
"Well," said his comrade, "eome and hold
the critter till [ kill tn
Jonathan seized the bears paws and held
the animal
"Well, have you hold of it?
II guess have"
every we'll, then, hold fast. I'm off for
dinner"
APPOINTED TO ME.--A voice from the
sickroom says It helped me immensely last
night, in my pain to remember the text:
"Wearisome nights are appointed unto me-"
The idea that they were not accident, no blum
der of my physician, but appointed by my
best Friend, this was strength to me- When
all was sleeping and His eye saw my weari-
ness, then was sure that, for indefinitely and
kind reasons, all was arranged and prepared
for me. This stilled my SOUL This is our
e-lesson. Property takes wings-friends
fail us-good schemes miscarry-plans of
usefulness are thawrted by most unlocked for
terventions-health gives out-action gives
place to suffering. Where we were cheerful
ly doing, we can now only wait Gods will
Darkness and doubt shut us in. For many
days neither sun nor stars appear. But all is
we'll; these things are appointed unto U.S.
Only let us believe this-let calm faith rec
ognize the gracious Providence which shapes
all our ways, and we can then endure until
the dawn shall bring light and joy.