The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1870-10-07

This is genuine belle weather.

his life.
A shot in the bird is worth two in
Tho hand. ....
"A witty man can make jest; .
wise man can take one.
"A bird that always faces the storm
The weathcrcock. az
When is the wiud like q newspa-
per? When it puffs.
Old fogies are averss to ovations-
We mean innovations.
A sure way to make an impression.
Fall down in the mud.
Why is . woodchuck like sausage
Because its ground hog.
There is no point lady likes so
much as a point Of admiration.
"A lass, l am no MORE" as the
girl said when she got married.
Living from hand to mouth is what
awit calls "manual exercise
A pretty girl, like hard sum, is
something to sigh for (eipher).
Charles Lamb calls colored chill
,dren ''iunocent little blackncsses."
Why is convent like an empty house:
siBecausc it's nun-inha bited place.
If you would ever be remem bcred
by your friends, place yourself in their
debt.
The sting of bee carries convic-
ton whit It makes man bee
-leaver At once.
Always q woman in every trouble.
Miss Management has killed the
French Empire.
fla mans aim in this world be
good the chances are that he will
miss. fire in the next.
1t is very difficult to keep your own
peace ofmind, ifpcople thrust pieces
Of theirs upon you.
We think man carries the borrow
ing principle too far when he asks US
w ACuu nlu JUL cdIs.
It is fact, not easily accounted for,
that at parties, after supper. the
guests begin to grow thin.
pF Doctors talk about paying their
visits when At the same time it 8 their
visits that's paying them.
Hens eau hardly be said to medi-
tate an attack Oh their owners; yet
they frequently ''lay for EN-"
I am moving in a very high circle,
ss the sweep said when be turned him
self arund in the chimney-pot.
Why was Robidsou Crusoe's man
Friday like a rooster? Because he
scratched for himself and crcw-so.
A careful looking after the tides
by fishermen does not appear to make
them more tidy than other people.
The village of Duluth upon Lake
Superior, is called by its citizens
the Zenith city Of the unsalted seas. ,
The Boston lecturer who has been
trying to prove that man is q vege.
ia bic has himself turned out to DO a
dead beat.
Why was Desdcmona the most dis
eontented Of all womsny Because the
Moor she had the Moor she wanted.
Why are husband and wife not one,
but ten? Because the wife is num-
Der one, and the husand goes for moth
ing.
A Chinese theft, having stolen
missionary's watch, brought it back
to him the next day to be shown how
to wind it up.
Perhaps money is the root Of all
evil; but it is one Of those succulent
and grateful roots for which We are
quite willing to dig.
It is remarkable fact howe yer
woll young ladies may be versed in
grammar, very few are enabled to de-
} cline matrimony.
A vagrant, who had been fined re-
gularly every week for begging, re-
quested the magistrate to fac him by
the year at q reduced rate.
Were yeu ever at Cork, Mr..
u Foote % said an Irishman to the
comedian. ''No, never was at
Cork, " replied the wit. ''but have
seen great many drawings of it. =
A Chicago music publisher has is
sued a song entitled Father will Set.
tie the Bill" All the young ladier
practice it at homo as we'll as at the
stores.
A journal asks what is the differ
cnce between soldier and fashion
able young lady and replies, Zone
faces tho powder, and the other pow
dcrs the face
Sound advice Of IN old merchant !:
---"Never owe any man more than
you are able to pay, and allow no
man to owe you moro than you are
able to lose.
An old lady told her son to list
the door, in order to keep out the
wind. THAT will make it worse, !"
no replied; "for you we'll know, the
wind bloweth where it listeth. .
An Illinois husband laments the