The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-09-20
H U M 0 RoUs MS


hasn't spoken to her husband for twenty
years, bad never one to speak to.
sas~ A man in town took drink from
a bottle of mucilage the other day. He
says he has felt stuck-up" ever since.
R6s" Why is an insurance policy very
queer thing? Because if can't sell it
| cancel it, and if | cancel it, l can't
sell it.
Beg~ Miss Prim, of doubted age, says
she is fort that will never surrender
We are afraid that she is fort too we'll
forty. fed.
las~ A wag of an editor out West, an
nounces that one of the Siamese twins
has arrived in town-accompanied by his
brother.
Ras" A correspondent (unmarried) sug-
gests that Solomon's wisdom was due to
the fact that he had seven hundred wives.
whom he consulted on all occasions.
B2~ A New Haven editor recently
wrote an elaborate article about his " AL
ma Mater" but was astonished to find
it appear in the paper as "alum water"
b9- A robber, who was seized for
stealing snuff out Of tobacconist's shop,
by way of excusing himself, exclaimed
that he was not aware of any law that
forbade a man to take snuff!
Ra~ A ruralist at Newport, seeing
lady driving and her groom with folded
arms behind, thought, that nigger must
pay that nice-looking girl pile to drive
his carriage for him."
BSs~ The fellow who was told that the
best cure for palpitation of the heart was
to stop hugging and kissing the girls,
said: If that is the only remedy that
can be proposed, l say let 'er palpitate."
B1~ A wag some time ago advertised
a carriage to perform without horses, with
one wheel, and invited all curious me-
chanics to see it. Many members of the
society of arts attended, and in their ar
dor Of expectation were shown wheel
barrow.
1G- An Indiana girl warns Yankee
girls, through Boston paper, not to go
out there with the expectation of getting
husbands, as there are not enough to 60
around If they do go and succeed in
gobbling up any Hoosiers, they had bet
ter take along an extra wig.
My" " suppose you intend going to
housekeeping soon," said a young lady
to newly-married bride eyes, 1 ex-
pect to-" "Have a girl I suppose? 2"
"Well," she replied blushingly, az do
not know yet, whether it will be girl or
a boy~
B@~ The New Haven Police Court re-
Gently tried to settle the novel question,
how much a man ought to be fined for
choking colored woman till she was
"black in the face" but finally gave up
the conundrum, and discharged the Of
fender on payment of costs.
Bas~ A German baker of New-Rochelle
SoO oh INC HShtninS Train, Wnlcn dldn
stop at his place, and jumped off while
the train was on the fly, in the air. The
undertaken said it was a moral impossi-
billity to make handsome corpse of him.
as he seemed to spread around so.
Ra~" Pap" observed young urchin,
of tender years, to his fond parent
does the Lord know everything ?"
Yes, my son." replied the hopeful pa
rent, "but why do you ask ?" because
our preacher, when he prays, is so long
telling him of everything, l thought he
was not posted 2" The parent reflected.
DaE" A dignifed and consequential off,
Ger Of the marine corps, Captain Brown,
was passing up Fulton street, when he
was accosted by brother officer, who,
touching him iamiliarly on the shoulder,
said: "Well, Broom, how are you ?''
"Excuse me" was the naughty reply. "I
wish you would remember that there is
a handle to my name!" 90, yes-cer-
tainly " How are you broom-handle p