The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-03-24
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A Coop SIzE-Exercise.


time is it?
AN OBJECT OF INTEREsT-A Treasury
note coupon.
THE time to buy an overcoat-when
the fit is on you.
PROVIDE for your own household. Do
it with policy in the Washington Life.
A CORRESPONDENT of the AdUance
thinks that an M. ID. Outranks ID. D.,
since NJ. equals 1, 900, and d. only 500.
"MY friend, have you sufficient conf
dence in me to loan me dOllar?" ooh,
yesl confidence enough, but no dollar"
One of the sages says "Don't go to
law unless you have nothing to lose; law
yers' houses are built on fools heads"
The following complaint was dropped
in the Buffalo City Scavenger's box
"Ded Dugh in allie ate the foot of pearl
ST. Running East,
BROWN" Whose boy is that, Jones ?"
Jones'" Oh, relative of mine by mar
rage" Brown" What relation !" Jones
=" A son. that's all"
as your house warm one, landlord ?''
asked a gentleman In search of a house.
" 1t ought TO be-" was the reply. "The
painter gave it two coats recently"
ONE of the most eminent lawyers in
England used to tell young practitioners
that the finest line in modern poetry was
SCOTS: "Charge, Chester, charged"
TIE Cincinnati Chronicle compositor
Oneida to "Onc Idea," evidently had the
latter on the brain.-BOston Transcript.
TIE assets of the Washington are
securely invested in bonds and Mortgages
first licns), and United States and New
York State Stocks and Bonds, in COM
pliance with the laws of the State of New
York
A PERSON desiring situation as teacher
in Nova Scotia, wrote to the board fab
4 1870. Sir | Offer myslf to you for that
place to the board which | am wall quail
fide for my adge is 402" (meaning, doubt
less, 42).
A DEBATING society at Lyons has been
for some time engaged in the discussion OF
the question If you had to have bile,
where would you have ?" and its mem
bers have finally decided, "on another
fellow"
THE New Haven Palladium explains
that lady's communication on woman's
suffrage, which it recently published
should have said the cares and RESPONSE
bilities of family" and not "the curse
and responsibilities" as the rascally types
got it.
AS DR.. Dwight once passed through q
region of very poor land, he said to u
farmer: "Sir, perceive your land here is
not very productive" "No, sir" said the
honest farmer; "our land is just like self
Righteousness" "Ah! how is that?'
"Why, the more a man has of it the poorer
! he is
/ TIE Congregati0ndlist gives the --latest
/ and most touching illustration of that ap
/ preciative mind which thankfully receives
/ the smallest favors-the case of clergy
man who, at a late ministerial gathering
| gratefully acknowledged the parochial gif
! of 1.-TWO pints of skim milk" Poor man
there must be very little cream to such {
| joke as that.
WHY SLEEP WAS INVENTED
When man was made, 1t puzzled Satan much
How Adams soul and body he could win
So he invented woman: and with such
A soul endow d her, she was sure to sin;
And once get Adam underneath her thrali.
Satan was certain both of them should fall
But then another difficulty rose
How to get Adam to accept his bride!
This he % ercome, rs everybody knows,
Placed Eve-for Satan knew this much of life,
That wide awake he'd never take wife
TIE following notices to correspondent
are from the pen of Josh Billings: "Don'
write only on one side of the manuscript
and don't write on that Don't send
manuscript unless you can read it after i
gets dry. We pay, all the way uphill
from ten cents to one dollar for contribu
tons, according to the lenkth; and settle
ments made promptly at the end of tn
ensuing year Poetry and prose piece
respectfully solicited. The highest mar
ket price paid for awful railroad smashe
and Opponents with another mans wife
No swearing aloud in our paper Noah.-
We very humbly dekline your essa on tn
flood. Your remarks might possibly lea
one more man to think as you do, and W
don't want our columns TO be held respon
sible for increasing the number of phools
TIE world has already got more phool
than there is any need of.
A VERY PRETTY TAX is that which ha
been assessed by the United States Assesso
on the New York Central Railroad Com
pany. That company, we remember, is
sued once upon time scrip dividend G
80 per cent, representing. according {
the Commodore, improvements of the lin
and additions to the equipment not here
tolore reported wlththc earnings. So tn
Assessor assesses a tax of 5per cent. upo
that dividend, accepting with a heartles
literalncss the Commodorc's evidence TIA
il had not been reported before an
represented actual earnings. Since thcs
earnings have not paid tax bclor,
they must pay one now" says the Asses
sor, and, computing per cent on tn
amount of the dividend, hands to tn
Collector bill for 81 ,152, 900, to collect b
the first of May.
Moral Do not declare a scrip dividen
so large that the undivided surplus "a,
earnings Ill the treasury will not pay pc
cent. on the amount tdiirOad Gazette.
} A FEW days ago, the Rev. w. II. Luck,
: Principal of the State Normal Schoo
and frequently acting as Chaplain to til
: Penitentiary at San Quentin, was visitin
at Sacramento, and interviewing to SON
; extent, perhaps, the members of tn
| Legislature. Being in the Senate Chan
Der at the opening of the morning Sc
sion, he was requested by the President I
9 open the proceedings with praye
which he did, with eyes closcd-whethe
forgetting the place he was was in, or I'll
in the following manner: ooh, LOr,
we pray Thee that Thy mercies may /
extended to these poor men, who hay
been sent here from all parts of the Sta,
; convicted for various crimes and misd
: meanors; have mercy upon them, we b.
seech Thee, while they are here servin
out the times for which they were sent
and when they have served and are di
missed from these walls, may they retur
to their homes better men, and in tim
t, may they become useful and upright cit
= zens, and honorable members of societ
|, We ask in the name, and through I'll
merits, of Christ, our Redeemer. Amen
WhereupOn,the member from YOlo arc.
C and said: Mr.. President, | move
: strike out Yolo County" The seer
!, which followed can be better imagine
{ than described.