The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1870-01-25
Humors of the school Room.
RY Don GLAND.

HumOrs OF the school Room.
By Don GLAND.
Anyone who has ever enjoyed the
chartered immunities" of the Pedagogue
will | think cheerfully concede that there
are some avocatioDs in this life more lu-
crativc and pleasant than teaching a dis
trict school. ! heartily coincide with
Josh Billings in his assertion that he'd
"rather keep flies out of butchers shop
in August than teach district school. =
If any man enters upon the life of
teacher with the expectation that he is
about to take ease, and make stamps, he
had better dissabuse his mind of that idea
as soon as possible.
For well to rule ye district schoui,
1t is no idle work
1t is hard work, no glory, and poor
pay. The school teacher is always con-
sidered by the whole community to be a
legitimate bone for picking whenever sub
jects for fault finding become scarce He
is presumed to know everything, and must
be able to answer correctly any question,
anywhere and anywhen, that anybody
may see fit to propose to him, and yet
when it comes to the matter of pay, all
the years ofpreparation that he must have
spent in acquiring the education to fit him
for his position are never taken into ac-
count. Sambo, yon know, when he Kill
led the pig, charged dollar for the work
and two dollars for the know how )" but
the school teacher gets nothing for the
"know how" and often receives poorer
pay than he who is fitted to be farmer
by merely knowing how, 1--WE quote Josh
again) to "shovel manure and holler
whoa" lie leads life ofunceasing care
and drudgery
'Daye after dsye, for little pay.
He teaches what he can,
And bears ye yoke to please ye folks
And We committee man.
And many crosses hath he borne.
And many trials founde,
The while he trudged ye district through
And boarded rounde and rounde."
All the terrors of boarding round The
cold, sepulchral, dreary "best chamber :"
the prim old fashioned bedsteads with its
turkey feather bed" and icy, unaired
cotton sheets the immaculate rag carpet
the solitary mourning piece on the wall
the unhappy looking plaster of Paris dog
on lamp mat, exactly in the middle OF
the table, under the seven by nine look
ing glass the breakfast by candle light,
on salt pork and potatoes ; the solemn for
mality Of "gittin aquainted; which desir-
able end is only partly accomplished when
the hapless peripetetic must pack his va
lise and seek another abode. Yet teach
ing school, like all other employments, has
its bright, or at least laughablc side; and
the school room is continually the scene
of the most ludicrous incidents imagina-
BILE, and woe, woe, to the unhappy peda-
gogue who is afflicted with a keen sense
of the ridiculous, for it will be a stumb-
ling block to his feet, and hundred times
day test all his powers of physical self
command to the utmost, in endeavoring to
maintain the exact elongation of the ped
agogical countenance necessary to his
sovereign authority, and the preservation
Of that spirit of awful reverence toward
him, which it is his duty to install into
the mind of every ragged urchin under
his despotc sway. In the school room
one comes across the oldest little speci-
mems of humanity in the world. | re-
member an Irish boy who was once Il
scholar in my school. He was bright.
handsome little fellow, and the very spirit
of mischief incarnate. He was perfectly
fearless, he trembled not at the teachers
frown, the awful ruler had no terror for
him. One day when had detected him
in some offence unusually aggravating, I
determined to punish him severely. Rush
ing at him in rage, | cried, 'hold out
your hand" "Shall | hold out the hand
that is in me pocket, sir ~ said he, cring-
ing behind his desk. NO." exclaimed |,
hardly thinking in my rage what said
"Well thin, they are both in me pocket,
sir"
Misapprehension of words in reading j.
very common among scholars, and thc
made are sometimes rather start.
ling. Witness this rendering of stanza
from the burial Of Sir John Moore.
NO useless coffin enclosed his breast
Nor in sheet, nor in shroud we bound him.
But he lay like warrior taking his rest,
With his mdi,Iih cloak around him"
One youn. man thus distorted Patrick
Hcnry's speech "Sir, they tell us that we
are weak, unable to cope with form-id-
able adversely" Cassius accusing Bru-
tus-
That you have wronged ms doth appeer in this, |
You have CONDEMNED and noted Lucius Pells her.
For taking bribes Of the sardisas."
was given by one of my scholars in di-
alogue
"For taking brides Of the ssrdines."
Yet blunders in the use of words, and
bad orthograpiy are not confined to the
scholars, Here is letter that received