The Sumter watchman. [volume] (Sumterville, S.C.) 1855-1881, 1870-03-02
fiWIkE's ssaaeAL TcUs.
y w I ny NOSE SKINNER.

2 & Ssfflss ssssaI ToUs.
III BY NOSE SKINNER.
hs1s I married my. second wife she
dtssdfully set about goiug of on
esitsl tons. 1 told her she'd better
Az months or . year and I'd
~ io ~ With her,. but she said she'd
los 60 aIoDe--when q woman was
kr4xsling = nlsn was an out-and- out hun
7 gave her seventy give cents and
4 snld hcrtto 60 of and have good time.
81 lnsser begrugcd money where my wife's
& heppiDess 10 concerned. My first wife
'Lpeyer could complain Of not going any,
where's, for Im dreadful fierce to 20 off
'sQn "a good time myself, and always was.
VI dor't pretend to say how many timcs
q took her out to see the engine squirt,
i and there was no end to tho free leo.
tures ] lot her 80 to. The neigbbors
need to cay, at docs beat all how the
sSkinners do 60 ~.
When Signor Blitz was in Slunkville,
with his wonderful canarics, he gave my
wife complimentary ticket. not
! only sold that ticket for my wife, but /
gave Der huff the money. don't boast
Of j. though. l only mention it to show
how much thought Of my wifu's hap
pincss.
1don't think any man ought to get
married uutil ho can consider his wife's
happiness only second to his own. John
Wise ncighbor of nine, did thusly,
and when got married ! concluded III
do it Likely Wise.
But tho plan did not work in the case
Of my second wife. No. I should say
--not. l broachcd the subject kind
)y.
."Matilda," I said, ~ suppose you arc
aware that am now your lord and mas.
ter"
"Not mnch you amt, said she.
"Slrs. Sk'nncr," replied, "you arc
fearfully dcmoralized. You need reor-
ganizing at once. You are cracky" And
! brandishcd ny new sixty two cent um-
brella wildly around her.
She took The umbrella away from
me, aud locked me up in tho clothes
press
1 am quick to draw an inference, and
the inference drew here was that was
not II success as rccognizcr OF female
women.
After this changed my tactics. I |
let her have her own way, aud the plan
worked to charm from the very lirst.-
Its the best way of managing wife
that know Of. vi course this is be-
tween you and mo.
So when my wife said she was bound
to 90 oft on bridal tour anyhow, !
cordially osscnted. "Go, Matilda" said
l, "and stay as long as you want to
then if you feel as tEoug gh you would
like to stay little while longer; stay,
my dear, stay"
She told me to stop talking, and 90
up stairs and get her rcd flannel night.
cap and that bag ofpcnny-royal for her
aupt Abigail.
My wife is a very smart woman. She
was a Baxter, and tho Baxtcrs arc a
very smart family indeed. Her mother,
who is going on eighty, can fry more
sIapjacks now than half these primped .up
city girls, who rattle on the piano or
else walk the streets with their furbe-
lows aud fixings, pretending to get mad
If a young g'chap looks at 'cul pretty hard,
but getting mad in earnest If you
don't take any notice Of them at
ALL
All, girls aint what they used to be
when was young. and the young fellows
are worse still. When went courtins,
ior instance, l never thought Of staying
till alter 10 o'clock and only went twice
week. Now they go seven nights in
week, and cry because there ain't eight.
Then they writc toaclling notes to each
Other during the day. "rcar George,
do you love me as muc! now as Won did
at quarter past II last night? Saw
yon do, dearest, and it will give nc
courage to 20 down and tackle them
cold beans left over from yesterday"
Well, well, l suppose they enjoy them
selves, and it aint for us old folks, whose
hearts have got little culuusc.l by long
wear, to interfere. Let them get toyc,h,
or and court if they like it, anu think
they DO. | was forty seven when l
cour'ed my present wife, but it seemed
Just us nice to sit on little cricket at
her feet and let her smooth my hair as
lt'd'd thirty years ago.
As said before, my wife is a very
smart woman, but she could not be any
thug else and bca Baxter. She used t"
rive lectures an trnm,,,'u v;,,l,, ...I =: