The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-01-01
WIT AND wTsnnM

lauy OHered the following toast:
"The young men of America-their arms
our support our arms their reward. Fall
n men, fall in"
Ii is with old bachelors as it is with old
wood it is hard to get them started, but
when they do take fame, they burn prodi-
giously.
WHENEVER We drink too deeply of plea
sure we find a sediment at the bottom which
pollutes and embitters what we relish al
first
One carries bis friends in bis heart 80
long as be continue to love them. Only
that friend is lost whom we have ceased 10
love.
The word "debt" is composed Of the ini-
tials Of 'dun every body twice" sCredit'
is formed Of the initial letters Of ''call regu-
lar every day-I'll trust"
A TRANsCENDENTAL preacher took for his
text, 'Feed my lambs" A plain farmer
very quietly remarked to him, on coming
out Of the church-"A very good text, sir
but you should take care not to put the hay
so high in the rack that the lambs can't
reach it ~
SUSPICIOUS tailor to suspected customer.
.-"Make you coat, sir y? Oh, yes, Sir,
with the greatest Of pleasure There, Just
stand in that position, please, and look right
upon hat sign while take your measure"
The sign reads, 'Terms Cash! 20
A LADY and gentleman Of Troy, N. Y,
whose eonnubial bliss is perfect in everything
save the presence Of children around the do
mestic tireside, we're examining some illumi-
mated mottos in book store, the other day,
when the wife picked out one bearing these
words, "GOd bless your home" The hus-
band thought that very good, but still not
exactly what they wanted. Looking little
further be picked up this one: "Sufer lit
tie children to come unto me-"
JUDGE ANDREWS was a candidate for gov
ernor Of his State, and was explaining TO a
large crowd how his friends had pressed him
to be a candidate, and that the Office was
seeking him, and that be was not seeking
the Office SIN fact" he exclaimed, the
Office of governor has been following me for
the last ten years - Just then a tall coun-
tryman in the audience arose and shouted,
But here's your consolation, judge, you're
gainin on it all the time, and it will never
catch you" The prophecy was literally ful-
filled.
Two GENTLEMEN were chatting on the
Boulevard; one was a great speculator, de-
vevelOping the plan Of magnificent project;
the other dazzled capitalist, ready TO snap
at the bait lie hesitated little but was
just yielding, merely making a few objec-
tions for conscience sake. Near these two
paused a couple Of youngsters Of twelve
years. They were looking into tobacco
shop close by; and one cried out to the
other: by the piper I'd like to smoke
sous worth of tobacco"
SWELL" said the other, "buy a sous
worth. F"
''Ah! as lrck will have it, haven't the
SOU"
"HOld on I've got two SOUS"
'That's the ticket just the thing; one
for the pipe and one for the tobacco"
"Oh, yes; but what am | to do r.
"YOu? Oh you shall be stOckhOlder
you can spit"
It was a flash Of light. The capitalist
thrust bis hands into his pockets and fed.
The speculator cast furious look at the ur-
ehins, and turned down the street.
JUSTICE IN New YoRK.-Judge Dowling,
Of New York, loves practical joke. The
other day a man was before him charged
with whipping his wife.
Chow came be to beat you 2" asked the
Judge.
Underneath where we live, No. 47G,
Grand street, there is a dance house," ex-
claimed the wife. IL was told my husband
was there, and took woman with me, and
we went and looked in"
"Was your husband there n pursued the
Judge.
''Yes, sir"
Dancing n
g es, sir"
did you 20 inside 2"
'NO, sir; but my husband saw me, and
soon came mp to our own room, when be beat
me and smashed the furniture"
cit was not the proper place for her to
60, spoke up the husband.
at was a proper place for you, | sup
pose J"
ANY place is proper for men"
''Do you really think 90 n
eyes Sir"
swell, then, III send you to the Peniten-
tiary for three m nths"