Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1870-09-10
The Marriage State.


now-mown hay, and such herbagc. from nine
to twelve months.
Some black, rascally, stormy night about
the close of the epoch, you are turned out into
the streets, all ponds and mill races, or amid
snow eighteen inches deep, and drifting like
blanes, and told to run for the doctor.
When you get homo little red-lanneled
looking thing about the size Of big merino
potato, undoubtedly awaits you.
They call it ababy. Packed up with ityou
will find the first real squalls of married life
you can bet on that
Paregorc, and soothing syrup, and catnip
tea, and long flannel, and diaper stuff, and
baby collie, and moro squalls-thcy will como
along too: In fact, will become just as much
at home in the house as dinner.
One of these days, in
"The wee ,ma' hours a yant the twal,"
you turn out again This time you are found
barefoot, dstractedy rocking that baby back
and forth, and bobbing itup nddown In cane
scat chair shiyerng, icy, disconsoatc sense
of damPness all about you seat hard, only
cotton shirt, or such a matter. nearer than the
bed to keep you warm, roaring musically as
wild bull In a slaughter-yard,
"We're coming. Father Abraham
Three hundred thousand more
Baby all the time yelling likemad with abad
pain, while Mary Ann, up to her nose under
the warm bed covers to help out, every now
and then impaiiently puts in, just at the wrong
place, "Trot him faster"
But no. Tho little innocent is tougher than
an India rubber car spring.
Just you are about giving gout-concluding
you must frccze-that there will certainly havo
to be a funeral in the house inside Of thirty-six
hours. baby Wits from sheer exhaustion, and
then, with teeth chattcring like Mccormick
reaper you crawl in again, and try TO sleep.
Gradually you glide away into a tangled
maze Of cherry lips, ice, steam-whistle-yoiccd
babies, dimplcd checks, more ice, May flowers,
skating weather, chamomile, jocky club, sleigh
rides, crnoine immense as the old bell at Mos
COW Indian nmbuscade chignons like door-inats,
awful Grccian bends, angels, snow storms, aud
forty other cheerful "reminiscences.
A snort thrash, a wild throwing upward
oflittle arms aud legs, and then keen and shrill,
comes that terrible 4" Ah-wah ah-wah :" again
guess you wake up, don't you?
Get the paercoric and teaspoon, quick |"
says Mary Ann, in a sharp, staccato tone, and
don't you get it?
In just thrce-cights Of second you are n
Grecian bend yourself out there on the cold
floor, dropping paregoric in teaspoon.
Hurry Oh, no; circumstances arc not such
as to make You bury any.
Gracious little Peter, he is describing dia-
bolic curuques with all the arms aud less he's
got and screaming 100 pounds 70 the square
inch, and Mary Ann. she is rearing around
there in the bed, making 3 Tocking-chair Of
her back, and yelling by-by Ikea wild
Camanche on the war path-tbats all.
Nice, amt it?
And then to think that as years rolled on
there has got to be more and more yet Of just
such distressed work.
Then came the washing days, too, and the
spring cleaning, and moyings-when your
books and papers, and custard pies, and car
pets, and plug hats, molasses, and feathers,
and baby fxings, and pancake batter, all get
stirred up together; when Mary Ann, dress
tucked up, handkerchief around her head,
broom in one hand, mop in the other, pretty
as a ccistern-poe, temper searching as a dose Of
ipecac, goes about hunting spiders webs, aud
dirt, and spots, and such things, while Bridget,
the inevitable Bridget, stopping soapsuds all
over everything, brings up the rear.
Then there is that mother-in-law Of yours,
and the SIX or sight female cousins. They have
Just come over TO visit a bit, and each one has
brought all her trunks and band boxes along.
And that too, when you could 50 easily have
spared all but the mother-in-law.
And 50 | might run 90 and on. Those
things are thicker in such places than little
toaIs on a country road after q summer thun-
der.shower. You can't dodge them. They
come with married life just as sure as death
and taxes.
Bad Very bad, my friend. Only ono con-
dition in tho world much worse that | know
Of. And that is II don't mind telling you,l
that Is the single condition.
VIRTUEs.-Do not be troubled because you