Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1870-07-14
DEM os DRUNK;
The Bluff Sages in Gray and Blue Mist
CHAPTER NOBLE NOTIONS.
(continued.)

(Continued.)
The dawn of Christianity brought Will
it sparkling notions, whose benign iniiu
ence filed all heads with lofty sentl
ments and all hearts with soothing pulsa
; tons, and whose progress has been suct
that the brighter they grow the more
refined and dangerous becomes the
method of killing. II must be consoling
to the Christian conscience to know thai
the small ball of a six-shooter sends one
to heaven quicker than the stroke OF
club OF the clout of quarter-staf, even
if the club be as weighty as that used by
Hercules and the quarter-staf be handled
as dexterously as legends tell us 1T was
by that good old soul called Friar Tuck.
1t must also be consoling to the Chris
tan feeling to be bled by multitude OF
lleeches (now known by the title of loaf
ers) than be knocked senseless by the
blow of battle-ax; and what better or
holicr improvement could be made on
the thumb-screw and the rack than the
delightful and liberal application of tar
and feathers to the shaved head of one
who may be so reckless of honor and de-
void of understanding as TO have an
opinion of his own? So brilliant indeed
were the notions in vogue before the
fifth century of the kind Chris
tan era had ended that the works
of that spotless family known as
the Vandal Horde created such a
sensation within the walls of Rome
as to bestow on its members the SOU
briauet of sackers, which has come down
to us with the descendants of the Van
dal Horde family in the corrupted forms
of suckers and carpet-baggers. So
strongly was this enterprising family
encrafted ON the Romans that 1t took all
the power the hot-headed Belisarius
could muster to root it out; but no
sooner had this beautiful sprout of De
mos drunk entirely disappeared than
arose another beauty named the Saracen,
whose admiration of plugs has been re-
membered up to the present day and
honored by gorgeously-painted wood
cut of his head placed outside nearly all
the tobacco and beer shops in Christen-
dom. We hear so much every hour con-
corning the magnificent notion of chiv-
airy, which fred the Christian heart for
the first time when Charlemagne was
big bug in steel brooches, and afterwards
dwjndled down TO the frying Of Jews for
the pious amusement Of Crusaders, that
il would be tiresome to refer to it further
than to say it can be seen in all its glory,
including the Field of the Cloth of Gold,
half dozen times year within the
ample space of a circus, whose chief
feature is a ring, which has become quite
familiar to us from its frequent use and
patriotic purposes in political circles.
The exceedingly noble notion which
sent the Franks into Gaul, the Danes
into Ireland, and the Normans into Eng
land sent the Spaniards into Mexico, and
the Dutch, English, French, Portuguese
and other geese commonly called tur-
key gobblers) into this land Of the Red
Man, who, although there is some doubt
as to what quarter Of the planet he first
saw the sunlight in and as to the real
complexion of his ancestors, can claim
to be as pure q Native American as ever
met in caucus to put down the Pope.
We all know John, who granted the
Great Charter, was remarkably fond Of
running red pokers into the eyes Of in
nocent people, a practice sanctioned,
we suppose, by divine right, and to some
extent followed by the Plymouth Rock
Puritans in their bonfres of poor crea-
lures condemned to the stake upon the
intelligent and benevolent notion Of
some learned and reverend gentleman
that they were daughters Of will-o the
Wisp, and consequently dealers in witch
craft. The Declaration Of Independence
went so far as to change this fiery ordeal
test Of piety and loyalty and the Lord
knows what mott into sort Of baptismal
plunge-bath named a ducking-stool, by
whose operation a tale-bea-er was washed
clean of her sins against her neighbors,
and afterward allowed to bleach into
purity the beat way she could, with no
advice save the solemn warning not TO
curse the clergy, throw stones at the
church window, nor abuse the blue laws
This stride of progress may readily be |
granted by an unbiased mind TO exceed
in importance tho steps Of tho giant in |
the seven-league boots; but it remains q |
mystery to stubborn-headed folk why the
battle of Bunker Hill should not I'll as
large and as bright o page in history as
the battle Of Hastings. rs tho result Of
both proved the truth of the maxim,
founded upon the everlasting principles
Of might, that to the victor belong the
spoils.
1t Is unnecessary TO note the royal no
tons which brought intO eEistsno6 bal- |
ties and blunders, plaques and persecu-
tons, sieges and schisms, in church and
state. from the browning of Robert Bruce
at sc0ne 10 lha generous pastime known
as the vars Of the Roses, because every