The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-11-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

wants.
Why is married man like can
dle2 Because he sometimes goes out
at night when he ought not to-.
--"Anything to please the child" as
the nurse said when she let the baby
crawl out at the third-story window.
"A lady in Syracuse is said to rest
her head on grammar while sleeping,
in order that che may dream correctly.
"A journal asRs what is the ditfel.
ence between soldier and fashiona.
ble young lady? and replies; One
faces the powder, and other powders
| the face.
"A Western editor has placed over
his marriage announcements cut rep
scsenting large trap, sprung, with the
motto: "Thc trap down another
ninny caught"
AN exchange says: "The compos'
itors of SanFrancisco embrace many
ladies'" The compostors of San
Francisco ought to be ashamed OF
themselves.
AN eccentric but observant En-.
g!ish traveller says that he has travel
| IL a. hn
seen but two classes Of people--men
and women.
-"There's one kind of ship1 always
steer clear Of" said an old bachelor
sea. captain, "and that's courtship,
cause on that ship there's always two
mates and 70 captain"
-"Jim, what makes your cat keep
up such a cussed mewling all the
nighty" Don't know, Bill; | sup.
pose, though, it's on account of their
| new .cuss membrane"
-"Will you take sunding?' said q
German teetotaller to friend, while
standing near tavern. Il don't care
i'll do" was the reply. "Vell, den,
let's dake q walk"
Mrs. Partington says she dd.not
marry her second husband because she
loved the male sex, butsbecause he was
tjust the size Of her first husband, and
could wear out his old clothes.
"A little boy having broken his
rocking-hor the day it was bought,
his mama began to scold, when he ST.
fenced by inquirtng: "What is the
good of horse till it broke"
Nov, my little boys and girls"
said a teacher, II want youto be very
quiet--so quiet that you can hear pin
drop" ln,a minute all was silent, and
a little boy said: Let her drop"
"A farmer at Scipio, Cayuga county,
New York, has turkey that has laid
one hundred eggs in one hundred days,
never missing day OH account Of
sickness, or circus in town, or any
thing.
The last book issued in London is
entitled "What Shall My Son Be?"
One would naturallyisuppose it. should
be boy, but then you can't ,mostsal
ways tell, things arc so high in war
times.
-"How many feet long, was the
snake?' asked person of traveller
who had just related a. story of the en-
counter of boa constructor killed by
him. "One hundred and ninety-two
inches" WAS the reply ji"snakes have
no feet
/. MIR. G. was most inveterate
punstcr. Lying very i'll ofcholera, his
nurse proposed to prepare young,
tender chicken. Hadn't you better
take an old hen," said G., in low
whisper-he was too i'll to speak loud
er--"for she would be more apt to lay
on my stomach" G. fell back ex.
hausted, and the nurse tainted.
Husband Come Home-The jolly
editor of the Atlanta (Ga) Sun pre-
tends to have found the following
poetry, addressed to member of the
Legislature. We are inclined to the
opinion that he manufactured it, bat it
r is good anyhow:
, Oh husband. dear husband come to me
+ pray,
Fer "am not fondly thine own?"
Giveup fora time your nine dollars day,
You know they allow you your mileage
= each way,
G Then pack up and come without further
delay
Or else there may be small devil to pay,
,, If you leave me much longer alone.
Oh husband, dear husband, now please do
come home,
I 'Tis wrong to be absent so long,
r l very much fear you're beginning to
, roam.
If not. then why, why do you not come
, And the neishbors are limiting you're ta.
king to rum
Ways Of treating your wife, and I, I am
DUN
To think you could do me so wrong.