Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1870-08-31

Mark Twain on BARRIERS.

In consequence Of the undisputed
fact that some Of the pleasantest mo-
ments Of mems lives are passed in the,
soothing embrace Of barber's chair
we deem that few words devoted to
the tonsoria artists will be no more
than they deserve. They are all, in
some degree, beneiactors, Of the male
portion of the human family, and
as such, should be accordingly re.
spccted, although their present tariff
of prices is probably as much reward
for their services as they care TO have,
As there are various kinds of barbors
we will mention few.
There is the obliging barber, who is
always attentive to bnisness, thor
oughly competent and quick in action,
as well as satisfactory in results. He
is man who knows his friends, but
shows no undue partiality. He has
smiling face and a steady hand for all
His razor is always kept sharp and
cup clean for strangers, and moreover,
when be has finished his task he eau
liously listens TO complaints, and if
necessary, repeats the process until
the customer pronounces himself sat
isfed. And when the shop is full of
people, all impatiently clamoring for
turn" the obliging barber does not,
with the surliness of some we know,
lingcr and putter over one man ten or
fifteen minutes longer than necessary,
but works with dispatch and calls
next" in as short a time as possible
By all means, the talkative barber
embraces the largest number of sub
iccts. No respectable barber shop
has less than one representative OF the
"talkatiye man." aud all large estab.
lishmonls have three or four. Gener.
ally skillful "shavers," these BARRIERS
exhibit a facility for speech to a won
derful degree. The opening remark
is, Of course about the weather.
Then they divergc, and speak of
young Dassleton's recent marriage, re-
counting the fashionable splendor of
the event with as much zest aud huency
as if they had been one of the invited
guests. Next they take up the sub
iect of the war; they dwell pathet-
ically for a moment on the death Of
Thompson and alter telling how the
administration should be conducted,
wind up by 81 tell what, now, old
Vanderbilt has got his match in Jim
Fisk. Jim is a mighty smart felloww
A careless barber is the pest of man.
kind. He is ever making mistakes Of
the most serious nature, and is always
very sorry that the victim has not the
heart to pitch into him. lie is either
digging small canals in the customers
cheek, cutting liberal slices from his
chin, purloining slender steaks from
his car, or taking an inch or two from
his nose. If not doing something of
this kind, then he makes mistakes
directly to the opposite, by not cutting
enough. He will shave off three
inches of whislScrs from one side of
the face and four from the other side;
or in cutting the hair be will cut lop.
sided, or too short, or too thin, or
something OF that kind.
Fortunately the ugly barber species
is limited. Since the unfortunate
knight ofthe strop got his neck broken
for dropping the edge Of razor across
the bridge Of gentleman's nose, out
of pure spiteful cnsscdness, there has
not been much of that kind Of business.
Spitoiul barbersare going out Of fashion
because it doesn't pay them.