Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1870-06-12
JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS.
slips OF the PEG.

Slips of the Peg. d
The wizest thing about man IL hiz
Observation-Disclosures doli't improve il.
If yu want tew find out the ruling
pashun ov a boss, feed him high on oats
lit IL jiss so with makind q ie
Az a gineral rule, the best way IL tew
decide yureself what biznness in life it IL
best for yure yung one tew foller, and
then stick him at it while he IL TIMBER
men alwus pole vines before they begin
tew run mulch. ss % s9tfofss
The only way for me to git out ov o
tight spot IL tew git into it fust. Sum
folks kan tell exackly how o thing feels
by not tutching it, but kant. 4a
The more babes ia family, the eazier
and better they are raized-one chicken
alwus makes an old hen more clucking and
scratching than q dnzen duz. - 5'' .'
IL takes an uncommon smart man, now
daze, tew max money by telling the truth
III IL aktually an eyidense ov genius.
1t IL very small spot in the lightning
bugs tale that shines; it IL the darkness
oV the mite that makes itso brilliant-it IL
Jist so with virtew. -a k-sl ID ag,1
missing revenge IL like missing yung
nedgehog-the older he grows, the sharp
er biz quilts. a'--H 'a ~ '''ls
The good man IL like an old-fashioned
M England clock-hiz soul IL the PEN
dulum whose regular moshuns give life
and grace tew hiz hands and face, thas
showing the good works that are inside
ov him. S
Most ov the epitaffs On the tombstuns
read like gideboards tew the CRATE city,
and without them CRATE menny would
take the wrong road.
Most people travel to see and be seen !;
but few to compare.
Fools are telling us (confdentially)
"that time is short ~ but the difficulty
lies not in the shortness ov time so mulch
as it duz in the length ov the fools.
Children are,kut down like the yung
wheat, to ripen; old people are gathered
like the golden grain, to be ground and
bolted.
The only way tew truli enjoy ennything
IL tew be willing tew quit it when the bell
rings.
Time il like fair wind-if we don't
set our sails, we looze that breeze for
ever.
We are often ridikuled for telling old
truths. The 10 commandments are old
enuff tew be wore out with truth; but
who follers theml
Take man from Adam down to April
fool 1870, and would respectfully ask,
if he amt dead beat? IL thare a single
pashun ov hiz satur, up to date, that W
kau take the halter ov civil law off from,
and turn it out to grass7
Waking up in the morning, to a virtu-
Gus man, IL the same thing az being bora
agin.
Necessity il the mother ov inven-
shun, and Patient Wright IL the IA
Their.
1t dun me good to hear a poor brute
WINNER in Broadway yesterday. l waz
glad that thare waz one stage boss in New
York City whoze heart wasn't dead
broke.
Death IL the only thing in this life that
IL certain; and even that amt always a
safe investment.
Rumor IL a vagrant without home,
and lives upon what it kan pick up.
The gratest victories for mankind that
hav even bin wor, hsv bin won by the rod
and the katechism.
The lion and the lamb may, possibly,
sumtime lay down in this world together
for fu minnits, but when the lion kums
tew git up, the lamb will be missing.
Chastity il like glassware-tO much
frost in it makes it more brittle.
Virtew, backed up by courage, liz the
perfekshun OV human natur. l don't
reckon mercy nor pity always amung the
virtews; they are often only amable
weaknesses. Justiss il the square root ov
awl the virtews. l wouldn't hav emmy
mercy nor pity hove out for rubbish !;
neither would hav man think, bekauze
he melts at the anguish ov the viscious,
that it IL virtew that ais him.
Bachelors are alwus q braggin ov their
freedom freedom to darn their own
stockings, and poultiss their own shins !!
had rather be a widdower once in 2
years, reglar, than tew be grunting, old,
hair-dyed bachelor only for 80 days.
The largest man that / kan think OY
now, waz Israel Dunbar, of Billingsville.
BE dried up new mich COW in milkiu
her 3 times, and planted an aker of beans,
last spring, awl in one hill. He IL As
years old, and hain't had the meazles yet !;
he haz alwus bin too lazy tew ketch them
He had one son, who waz jist like him.
This boy died when he waz IS years old,
in crossing a korn-feld; the punkin-vines
took after him and smothered him TO death.