Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1870-07-07
usCELLANEOUs ITEMS.

HAN ~ u m1sIeIJ DuI WOmon my
terry.
kpRuDENT-Promising your doctor
legacy.
THE artist who " took a lady" returned
her the same day.
A FRIEND At PNCH=One who shares
his snuff-box with you.
WHEN is an original idea like q clock?
When it strikes one.
No Notes are deducted from the policies
at maturity in the Washington.
WHEN a person declares that his 'brain
is on fire" Is it etiquette to blow It out
"A CAT may look"-the picture of in
nocence, but don't leave it alone with the
canary.
Tom THUMB has his life insured, and
many greater than he are insured in the
Washington.
A HNDoo provefb says: "strike not,
even with a flower, a wife, though she
has a thousand faults"
A according to the latest
definition, is a man who has lost b OPP
portunity of making a woman miserable.
II we did but know how little some en-
joy the great things they possess, there
would not be so much envy in the
world.
al am going to the p~ost-ofice, Bob,
shall l enquire for you :" "rWel, yes, if
yOu Wons W Jul OOu Sn1nA you uuO
me there" or az
IT is not necessary that a postman
should possess q good voice, but it is a
most essential thing that he should have
a good delivery.
A CHICAGO paper says that among those
for whom prayers were asked in the daily
prayer-meeting, twas, "fof q young man
in Boston, too far from God"
In the classic town of Waterville, on a
garden fence facing the street. is posted
the following "notice :" "Pleas don't
hich no Hoses Hear for it is sode."
DIoaENEs being asked, "the biting of
which beast isthe most dangerous" an
swered, "If you mean wild beasts, tits the
slanderer's; If tame ones, b flatterer's.
MAMMA-"And now, pussySyou have
chatted enough. Shut your eyes, hold
your tongue and 60 to sleep" "Pussy-
"How can 1 do three thagGs at eacs NAM
HUNGRY DNER-" Trouble you for
SOM more bread, landlord I always eat
Landlord-"sQI ssS sirf And a good.
deal of meat with your bread"
"BUB, is your sister at home ~ Eyes,
but she won't see you tonight" Why ?n
because she said she was going to have
one more mess of sonionsif she lever got
another beau"
A LITTLE boy, running, stubbed his toe
and fell on thepaVement. "Never mind,
my little fellow" said q by-stander =" you
won't feel the pain tomorrow" "Then,
answered the little boy, az won't cry to-
morrow"
THE man in possession is always the
man to respect. A deputy replied to an
other who was extoling M. Olivier: "He
is marvelous in duty, and onlyone man that
know is his Superior" (Which one +"
1.-THE one that win succeed M. Olivier"
was the neat reply.
ROBINSON met Smith as he was going
on board a steamer on the Mississippi,
and asked Which way s6mith-Ip or
down 2" That depends upon c1rcum-
stances" remarked the latter. "H 1 get
q berth owe the boiler, I shall probably
go up; If in the cabin, down"
al FEEL 'moaned a dying cobbler
"that / wax weaker every day, and that
am gradually approaching my end-only
a few more stitches, and awl vii be over
IL heaven there is rest for the sole-eartf
has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal
Having said anvil he wished, he calmly
bveathed his last.
A YOUNG swell, joining his companioni
one day, who were loafng on a corner
commenced picking his teeth, and said b.
had just eaten q whole chicken for hi
dinner. One of his companions, a wag
gish fellow, responded, al see you have
for there is one of the feathers" pointing
to a piece of mush which had fallen OF
his coat. $50
JOE KING was sick in a clearinghouse
and made his mind up for some chicken
broth. The order went down into tn
kitchen, and the broth came up weak, flat
and insipid. The sick man was subse
quently relating his disappointment to
friend, who said, "They just let a CHECKER
wade through it." off they did" sal,
Joe, family, ait had on stills" He re
covered.
PROFESSOR s., of Hartford, said tn
other day that he felt uncomfortably sti1
and s~ore-caught cold perhaps-and b
lay down on a lounge and requested hi
friend w. to knead and rub him after tn
movement cure style. w. gently beat hin
on the chest. "How hollow it sounds,
said K, who was looking on. "That'
nothing,pn said w. Hwait till I get to hi
head" sINlsF fHEG 8ite =
Anew years ago, a little fellow wa
taken by his father to a carpenter, to b
bound apprentice to him, after the fashion
of those times. In settling the business
the master, who was one of the stiff kind
observed: "Well, boy, 1 suppose you cal
eat most anything, can't your I Away
make my boys live on what they don
like" 81 love everything but mince-pi
and apple pieP was the boys instant re
ply.
Mr.. A., of F., was a Joker. H
once represented his town in the Legisla
ture, and on his way to the capital stoppe,
to dine at a hotel. On putting on his Goa
to start he had much difficulty in work
ing into it. Some one remarked that tn
tailor had given him tight fit. "Oh,
said he, "the tailor did well enough, blu
h last representative from our town Od
a good deal smaller than I ami" 1t ap
pears that they had a legislative coat il
F. which each representative filed il
turn. When A. was nominated the,
forgot his rotundity of person.
THE strictly industrial classes @
France number about 1850 in every 10,
600 inhabitants, or 10,949, 091 in the who'll
population. The number of men engag
edin is 737,675; of women
779,4S3. Out of a population of rathe
more than $4,000, 900 people, about 19, 59S,
0 are agriculturally inclined, and it i
curious that more women than men b,
1000 are engaged in field labor. Com
merce in Paris supports about 215,00l
people, and banking societies of vari
Gus kinds, $4,000. The " concierges," o.