Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1870-02-15
A RIDE WITH AN UNDERTAKES.
The Philosophy OF Expensive Funerals--Hus-
band Whose Wife has Loyer-Wbose
Husband has 3 sw eetheart Alderman
An Undcrtaker's Experience.
Fron the New York sun.

4
cepted the offer. We had hardly
got under way when the undertaken
pointed to an elegant brown stone
mansion and remarked:
"You see that house there Well,
had the neatest Job in that house
you ever saw. They were twins
girls-13 years old lovely; died Of
scarlet fever both expired at the
same moment sentimental case
born together and died together i'm
pressive discovery. The parents
were inconsolable and rich. Left
the whole thing TO me no limit on
expense that's the sort. | did nv
best; got up original designs, great
chance, you see--twins, both IN one
coffin; united in life and united in
death sentiment; grief lots of tin
aud my taste and experience. IL
was grand handsome spectacle ,
handsome profits; handsome things
all round"
By this time we had turned into
Sixth avenue, and the undertaken,
pointing TO corner grocery OF large
dimensions, said:
"The man who keeps that grocery
has o good notion Of a funeral It
was seven years ago, and his only
daughter. She was eighteen en-
gagged to be married over in the city
government, and the father expected
a contract. But the girls death up-
set everything, pickings and steal
ings included. 1t was terrible
blow, and the funeral was according,
no expense spared fire company ont
in full force big thing"
Here the undertaken bowed TO a
fat man who passed us in q buggy,
and then said, by way Of explana-
ton
81 buried his wife four months
ago. Have been friends ever since.
A few moments afterward we
struck into Broadway, where it eros
ses Sixth avenue, and as we passed
Twenty-ninth street the undertaken
pointed to that thoroughfare on the
east, and said
81 once had big thing over there.
Rich couple; hated one another
man died; wife wanted to make a
big show Of grief sent for me |
saw the point made over $4,000
clean cash on the job. But the man
was handsomely buried he couldn't
have asked for anything better if he'd
known what was going on. True
affection and real heart grief are good
for our profession but after all,
there's nothing like rich people that
hate one another, for an undertake
err"
Chow so2' we asked.
"Why, it stands to reason and hui
man nature. Here's couple that
have lots Of money and misery
They wish ono another dead, and all
at once off one of 'om goes. The
:, go a4taL t9a nfUunrhs o1o
err to bring out the emblems OF sor-
row in stunning style, Don't you
see 2"
We pretended not to soc, and al
fected to disbelieve that such things
ever occur in life, whereat the un-
dcrtaker waved warm, aud cxcla'm-
ed:
But 4 tell you such cases are
common Here, driver, turn down
Fifth Avenue Come, I'll show sou
where one of those very cases did
occur. You see that house there,
Just out OF the avenue, in twenty
second street Well, not many years
ago rich man lived and died there
He and his wife hated each other
like p'ison She had a lover. That
always makes matters worse for the
family, but better for the undertaken
You see, the more a womans glad
her husbands dead, the more she'll
pretend TO be sorry, and the moro
money she'll spend When that Ia
dys husband died there were bad
whispers around, but she smothered
them all under the mourning gear Of
the funeral. 1t was immense /
made-well, no matter. 1t won't do
do to be too particularin these things.
Evil communications corrupt good
manners, you know Ha, ha, ha
Glow do things 60" we asked
"when a wife dies, leaving an incon-
solable husband with an outside
sweetheart to mourn her loss ~
"That depends good deal upon
the man. Some men are such brutes,
so coarse and gross, that they have
no sentiment, nor any sense Of pro
priety either. Such men are bad for
us. They tumble their wives into
the grave without regard to appear
ances. But if the husband is senti-
mental, or scary or hipocrite, he
comes down handsomely to death,
and gives his wife cordial burial
I've sometimes thought that the
presence of q sweetheart at the fu-
neral helps things along as the hus-
band would naturally want her to
see how handsomely she'd be buried
when her turn came; but that may
be merely my fancy, but anyhow,
said the undertaken, with solemn
emphasis, 81 tell you there's wicked
ness in this town I"
Chow do you like to bury a public
man, say an Alderman p we asked.
"Oh, that's low " answered the
undertaken, in tones of disgust. "Still,
he added, IF you know your men,
and the city government take hold
to pay decent respect to the memory
OF the distinguished deceased, ard all
that, you can sometimes make
pretty good thing out Of it. But, as
a general thing, the city fellows grab
every thing and don't leave an out
slider even a show"