The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-02-20
MORNING STAR AND CATHOLIC MEssENaKR.
lev 0RLhANs. SUNDAY. FEBRUARY 90 1870.
W.T. AND w1sDo1r.

tnac drink ultimately takes them.
Domestic tadpoles - authors, becau
tnelr tales come from their heads.
MY dear wife," as the man said wbt
lie looked at the last milliner,s bill.
Why is the inside of every thing unil
telIigible Because we can't make it GU
The flowing hahn of q young lady u,
town reaches to the hoor-every night whe
she takes it off.
The Saratogian says if the hens woul
DO as much Staying around as the loafel
OF tnat town do, eggs would be as plent
as bank robberies.
Please take this medicine, wife, and II
De hanged if it doesn't cure YOU" 40,
10 90 good one way OF the other"
A Frenchman having often heard the ex
preston, "I've other fish to fry.n mncl
astonished an English friend by saving
l nave no time to talk to you now
must go fry some fish,"
A lawyer once asked a Dutchman con.
corning pig in court, "What ear-marks
had hef" ''Vell, ven I first became &C.
quainted NIT de hook, he had no marks
except very short tail"
You are in bad health; your face is
spare" said a friend of ours on meeting an
acquaintance. every WE'LL" said the other.
eff am n-faced, you are double faced
so That both OF US have spare faces"
~ never ask a gentleman for money, -
said a New England preacher I" Then how
do you live 7" inquired his friend. "Why.
after certain time 1 conclude that man
is not gentleman, and then ask him."
An Albany man.. who had his new hat
exchanged for an old one in a barber-shop.
adVertlses that unless it is returned he will
forward to the wife of the person who took
1T the letter lad a.,
of the old one.
"Well, Sniffles," said an employer to his
new clerk, have you posted the ledger ?"
4eth, thir, lisped Sniffles, give pointed
the ledger; but, Tor, thir, it wath too big
for the letter boxth, and I had to take it
inthide the Potht Of1ith!"
A couple of tall Norwegians were mar
ried in Chicago lately. The bridegroom
was over six feet, and the bride was six
feet SIX making, when "spliced," nearly
thirteen feet of n>atrimony. That's what
we call wedding in high life.
A very pedantic young man, wishing to
ask young lady if he might speak to her
for few moments, wanted to know I" if he |
could roll the wheel of conversation around |
the axle-tree of her understanding for a |
The poor girl tainted.
A parson surprised farmer, whom he
seldom saw at his ministrations, by asking
ui"' oHect!y aiIeT Httle feproof OF his |
sin of omission, "Shall we see YOU at
church next Sabbath 7" "Y-e-s," he re-
oeated slowly, "Fll go-or send hand !"
An Irishman, attending a Quaker meet
ng, heard young Friend make the follow
ng announcement, Brethren and sisters,
am going to marry n daughter of tie +
ord" "The divil you are," said Pat; "buut
will be long time before you see your
The following advertisement for the re-
overy of red calf was actually published
n a paper of Columbia county, Pa, in the
of 1868: i" Lost--A Calf Ret. His !
wo behind legs were White. He was i
be calf. Every body what catches him !
lbs tree Dollars" a
Whep Pitcher was haranguing about his q
sther having been a poor man-his father
as a cooper, ETC., Marshall said " that the S
entienan's father was a poor man, per-
APPS he had been n cooper, but if he was C
3 had put mighty poor head to one of h
is whisky barrels" s.
stranger ask ed countryman, whom he
und mending road near Ross, "Where 9
pes this road go TOT" The countryman I;
piled, 81 don't know, sir; finds it here II
hen l comes here to work in the morning, i
I'd leaves it here at night but where it =.
'es to in the meantime I'm sure / don't 81
low." al
The maddest man in Indiana lives at
ltoka. He told his wife that he was going Sc
'wn in the cellar to commit suicide, and Al
d go down stairs and fired a broadside
to the pork barrel. His wife kept right u
knitting, and after while the man came u
stairs swearing the woman hadn't got
y feeling.
farmer wrote as follows to distin- tl
ished scientific agriculturist, to whom he ga
t under obligations for Introducing a ~
riety of swine, Respected sir, l went
sterday to the cattle show. found sew Ii,
u pigs of your species. There was th
Eat variety of hogs, and / was astonished W.
not seeing you there" W.
A major in the United States army was wi
'ssing from England in one of the Cunard w,
amers, when one afternoon band on pl
tx played yankee Doodle" A gruff an
glishman who stood by inquired whether
1t was the tune the old COW diefof. fin
tot at all, ," said the major, " that is the VII
le the old Bull died Of" XII
am troubled with a strange kind of
umatic affection in my arm" said TAI
l-known but rather seedy wit the other
: to a friend. " 1t allows me to do some llk
1gs, but it prevents me from doing lof
ers. For instance, L can put my hand ma
ny pocket With all the ease in the world. to
l can never can take ANYTHING ont y his
bernatbr +to oo1ahu.ta.i a. fai
large pile of stones opposite his door, ~
his return home one afternoon in his ,
'iage, swore hastily at the pavior, and ra,
red him to remove them. "Where 70
u take them to 2" asked the HibefHian. ~ ~
lywhere-to ILL.," cried the choleric &c TO