Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1870-06-02
Ammsing.
About Yauer Dogs.

When Noah disembarked at Ararat
he had scarcely tou ,hed the pier when
he proceeded to tally his passengers.
He had just checked his last item in
the list-a Mr.. and Mrs. Bed-bug-when
the cringing figure of a quadruped
came sneaking down the gaDg-plank
with his tail between his legs. "Drat
it if there amt that yaller dog!" says
Noah, aiming vicious kick with his
brogan at the brute. But, with facil-
ity born of long and bitter experience,
the brute lodged the projectile, and
calculating ski yi''-which is Syriac for
Declined with thanks" or mot for
Joe"-he disappeared, while Noah, who
had his sea legs on, was unable 70
recover his equilibrium, and sat down,
with emphasis, on the back of his
head.
Noah rose, and in accordance with
the style prevalent among the pat 'iarchs
he proceeded to soorhe his..affronted dig
nifty by pronouncing variegated anath-
ema upon the yaIler dog, which had
enthusiastically sneaked unobserved
on board in the confusion of putting to
sea, and capsized the captain at The first
port. He cursed that dog in body and
limb, bark, hide, hair, tail and wag, and
all his.geuerations, relations and kindred
by consanguiniCy of affinity, and his
heirs and assigns. He cursed him with
endless hunger, with perpetual fear,
with perennial laziness, with hopeless
mango, with inccssant f1eas, and with
tail between his legs. He closed his
stock of maledicIions by a sparkling
display of pyrotechnics, from the
demoralizing effect OF which the yaller
dag hsa never recovered.
With this curse sticking to him
like a revenue stamp. the yaller dog
can't help being cussed. He don't try
to help it. He follows Noah's pre- ,ra n
with sneaking fidelity. He is an Ishmael-
ite among dogs. He receives the most op-
pressive courtesies, in the from of brick
bats, boots and hot water, which makes
his life an animated target excursion.
He boards around like district school
teacher, and it is meal time with him
twenty -four hours in the day. The rest
of the time he bankers after something
to eat. He is too omniverous for an
epicura. Cram him at Delmonico's and
he would hunger for dessert from an
Albany boarding house.
He can't be utilized. He is too tired.
AS swill-cart locomotive, hunter or a
sentinel, he is an ignominious failure.
The dog-churn was a strategic attempt
to employ his waste energies, but lie
hadn't any waste energies, and butter
had too much self-respect to come at his
persuasion. So the dog-churn was drop
ped.
No sausage-maker dare forerlose his
line on the yaller dag, lest his customers
mo longer soothed and sustained by
an unfalteTing trust-transfer their pa
tronage to some less audacious dealer
The savages, who admire baked dog,
and who can even attack tripe and
explore the mysteries of hash, without
dismay, acknowledge the yaller dog to
be too much for their gastric interpidity.
He always manages to belong to. a
ragged, tobacco-chewing,w ,whisky-drink-
ing master, whose businesss is swap
ping dogs and avoiding the dog tax.
The yaller dog is acquainted with him
self, and he enjoys the intimacy with
edifying contempt. He sinks along
through life, on diagonal dog-trot, as
in doubts as to which end of him is
entitled to the precedence. He is always
pervaded by a hang-dog sense of guilt,