, 1870-09-25
TIT-BITS.
The GauI OF bitte1ness-Erance.
"A gloomy ou,look-ths Holy See.
The KEY to the 81 French Geleat~-!

The Rev. James Patterson, Of bteaaed
memory, who died In the autumn Of 1857. On
ope occasion said: s. Brethren. il the Lord
Will only keep me humble, will trust you to
Keep me pool-"
Daniel il eaid to have been almost H.,
only pcreon who vas not spoiled BY being
llunized.
Tho difference between war and peacs h..
Teen well defined r. cne OF the seieniists.
lin time Of peace the SONS bury their fathers
The PE1sssns, say tbs telegIams. a1a ap-
preaching Noisy-le-Qrand. Do the Telegraph
cts mean Victor Hugo?
The word "help," applied to servants, i.
believed to haye originated from the habit
some Of them have OF helping tham .eivss to
thirgH thAt lay around loose.
Young lady phgsicians are multiplying
rapidly throughout the country, and conae-
quently the young men are decilly more sickly
tllan lher uted TO be-
-; An ' Illinois gisI, to keep Oh su1squitoss:
to : lamp to DRY It in. The minister Who
preached her funeral sermon advised hia hear
-rs ntvet 10 fight the insects On that line il
they bit ali summer.
-spesking Of the fictitious report In circu-
lation in Parls that King William had CON-
mitttd suicide by citing down on his helmet,
lnuatic 1T cur elbow euggesta that that
would play he1mlt the hing-or any othe1
man.
a yonng minister, who once oificiated for
1sote1t Hall, waA much chagtined that no
notice Was taken Of his sermon. Anxious to
ascertain the ST tat crator's opinion. be said,
~ don't think wearied the peopls by the
length OF my sermon" - No." said Robert
Hall. :. nor it, deptl.'
"A Mechanic Falls cofinmakar heaia his
adysEt'ssmeut IS in the local paper, Live and
John raul says that nothing IL raised in
the vicinity Of Long branch but the visitors
indignation ut finding himself there.
The faEorite Romance OF ofica-seekara-
Put Yourself IN his place.
Tho New York Evening Post suggests:
themselves Count Somebody or something.
Considering the suddennesa Of his leaving.
Louis Napoleon might drop the Bona and call
himself Count do rarte."
An enrsged man tears his hai1; an eusased
woman tears her husbandts.
-" am alrAiu, deAt wife, that Wills am
goEe, absence will conquer love-" sob, never
fear. dear husband: the longer you stay avsy
tie better eAall like you
Some Of the Western towns are employing
female c1ergymen in self-deIence, u they
never run away with the girls in the cougrcgAt-
ion But are not the young men in danger OF
being seduced from their homes7
when IA = school boy Like An event ..thkt
has happeneds When he has coma to parse.
-Hooinson met Smith "a he wa4 gong on
"Which way, smith-up or down." Ths.
depends upon citcunastanees,~r replied the lat
ter. III get berth over the boiler, si,au
probably 50 up' in the cabin. down.
-Ar. L.. Was : most inveterate punater.
Lying ve13 u Of cholsfs, bis nurse proposed
you better take an old hen, said G., in low
wlisper.-for he vas too Ill to speak louder
Tor abe would be more apt to lay on nv
stomach G. fell back exhausted. and tbs
=" What are you disturbing the ~hots
house with your yells in this way for7" de-
manded Saratoga landlord Of guest WHOM
he found Late It night seemingly IN active pul-
suit Of invisible foes. and yelling 1t tho top Of
his voice. lin shouting tho bat.Is-c11 Of
ahead With hia search and hia yels.
On one occasion the Hon Mike Walsh. of
New York, who used to 60 to Washington
With only paper collar for "chauge Of
llnen, arrived a. Jersey City from washing
tonte cue inquired Of Mike, is your luggage
aboazd?~ ''Yes.'' Where ia il ..WeU.
here stand-in the centre Of IT," which was
ali accurate statement Of fact.
Western girls are seeding from the fran
cilise nssocla1totls because Mrs. Stanton do
cla1es that no yunng lady is 1T to be married
until 95 years Of age. The girls won't stand
that
"A young lazy. being asked by rich bach
elor. " II not yourself. Who would sou rather
BE- :; replied sweetiy and molseur, Yours
Only q French ingeaue could have gu
gaEed to have her portrait painted for hux
husband tl.at he might Lave something to re-
member her ly. She told the artist ~
but. a. lie said to me tiis morning, HSsn h.
sets my picture lie will be sureE to think Of
me-"
a PCT. little gi1l boosted to one of her
..ah It n,s snI. ngl ,a.hss sepI easraSe-
w. t.,,,,,,i.s,, Ut, o"e7 Hu oon1ousl mh
-. ren,,irt. MI, . .,ca ~ H.. 1,a;..
tribe Of FenoLscois ..but sbIaa m III th;,na an ~
m.ke ma l,s,nr ..vh.t :. ~ sa.t sf ~
ouiTcd seeEsr or u;.''an, ..Teh,a: ~ n IN N
he rerIy. IWls, IL lie sscont,S :; = k,m
well, what il the third - t.Whvr aid ,i,a
PHILOSOPHER, contemp|.t1Fs1v !. i ii,,le ,nnrs
rum '''' ''''''
bis four sons. In rasurH OF one e','t Wss 70 Losri
him, another to lodge him. a third to closha
him. and Tie fourth at bis death w.a II to Sa.r
the fnueral e3nenses ATta~ sn,,a i;t,te ~. oo.
aideration, each seemed satiaietI viii III. 1nt
| except the fourth, who kent silent. = Ar,
sou no. een.an. :" .stad tho i.wra. ~
thinking how much it would cost 70 pla ut ths
old man.
- Little girl, seaiug litter OF kittens for
tue inst time, expressed her opinion that
somebody bad shaken pussy all TO pieces-"
A d.ing Eishman was asIsd By his con-
! fessor il he was ready to renounee the davis
alia AZ W. "okks. ~. your honor, :" said PAT.
Con atk nae thal N gong to stI4uEa
country. and don't intend to make myself en-
e1Eles;
! -imesss ;!i aon nass ve5y quiz life of it,
| aot"nhstanoMe they take tl''- ,.,, ~ a,ar
| you Want reA'' aura snd ,,.,@o,,'i,;,,;
encouraging, E' Itoa. uonne1lFs liver"
ambulators~ rsn, e,nessPetsa;aaqg, silent per, p,
| tns" - ~ pe< Amo, and as searching ~ =
.t,.. s''92t1 .}s?t eonn: Il don't 90 ioollng about
bns;,aea .I :. E ues, oat aIteads strictly to
- HeXatton-Jtn tisk xaterlng the stock
| Punch lsa the following: a CsnitN
ANSWER: SJ-mads n.an ezonstning q .nAno7
Of u1siscA he Is a manager. ..Now IoT ~h.t.s
the capital Of 'OlAnda" ..Boy. Hn ~
III" ~
| "a journal ssks what ia the diYa,aor. IN.
tween ! soldier and fashionable vorn~ i,5He ~
and replies. "0ne faces tho povdar. snd X.
other powders the face.~ -N'sA 49,"
-As tram on the Wilmington L wa,dor
roaureached " atsaw, North CaroIius. ,hn oth.,-
day; Texas chap su board asked one Of tho
try have you around here = "oh ~ r.s Iotn N
response. I'VE have mighty nice counsrT .
~ we lack IL water and good society," Thss
Carolina man was someuhat comforted bv the
assurance OF The Texan that hi had tho ssre
advantages. 'N'' ''''S's'
-A pa1ent medicine yepdar in . corr.z
yillase was ailating to 4 crowd upon the Vr,,
.lrsful efficiency o{ his uon hi.tars. MWh~ r
eaid he, 'S,srs Jenkins h.d only takan Dc
bitters one week when he vas showed fnto
prison ior musler. and ehat DOES steve do
Int open ysin in bin arm. sake non enough
out OF ms blood to make = crosbar, wild, which
he pred the gates open and let himself out.
fet. ,--