Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-04-14
LacOnic Letters.

LACOolC AcSIcISs
Laconic epistles are naturally suggested
by quaint and pithy ones. The name OF
Dorset reminds me of an amusing cores
pondence between two noble lords-the
date of which am unable to specify
somewhat in the following terms:
.MY DEAREST DoEsEr-I have just been mar
ried, and am the happiest dog alive. BERKELEY"
Answer: =Ess#
"MY DEAR BERKELKY-Every dog has his day.
DORSET"
Perhaps ought to state that my au.
thority for this correspondence is bach
elor of more than 70 summers!
From the same source have received
several other good examples of laconic let
tiers. some of which shall here introduce
A husband to his wife ON sailing suddenly
for North American
my DEAR WIFE, am going to North America.
"Your afectionate husband.
To which she thus replied:
"MY DEAR HUSBAND wish you happy voy
age. Your affectionate wife"
A Young man when at college addressed
his uncle, on whose liberality he entirely
depended, as follows:
my DEAR UNCLE Ready for the peedfnl.
"Your affectionate nephew"
To which the uncle replied:
any DEAR NEPHEw-The needful is not ready.
"Your ahectionate uncle"
Mr.. James Sibbald, editor Of the Chron-
icles Of Scottish Poetry, was man OF &C.
centricity and humor. For three or four
wears he resided in London without let
ting his Scotch friends know anything of
his proceedings, or even where he lived.
At last his brother, a Laith merchant,
found means to get letter conveyed to
him, the object of which was to inquire
into his circumstances, and to ask where
he resided. Sibbald sent the following
laconic reply:
DEAR BRoTHER-l live In So-no, and my busl-
meas is $780, Yours, -ts. JAMES SIBBALD.
In the second series of his recent and
most interesting work entitled, Half
hours with the best Letter-writers and
photographers" Mr.. Charles knight
gives an amusing example OF laconic cor
respondence between Samuel Foote, the
Aristophanes Of his day, and his unfortu-
nate mother 't@ +'f
dear SAx-I am in prison for debt; come and
assist your loving mother, n. FooTk.
Reply: @
"DKAR MoTHER-So am l, which prevents his
duty being paid to his loving mother by her aifsc
Honate son, Et7 BAN rooIh.
i
courtship on the other side of the Allan
tic, at the end Of the seventeenth century,
in which very brief epistle holds =
monument place. In 1893, the Rev.
Stephen Mix made journey to North
ampton in search of a wife. he arrived
at the Rev. Soloman Stoddard's, and In
formed him Of the object of his visit. Mr..
Stoddard introduced him to his six
daughters, and then retired. Addressing
Mary. the eldest, Mr.. Mix said that he had
lately settled at Wethersfield, was desir-
GUS of obtaining q wife, and concluded
by offering his heart and hand. The
blushing damsei replied that 80 important
q proposal required time for considera-
ton; and accordingly Mr.. Mix left the
room in order to smoke . pipe with her
father. while she took the case TO "avizan-
dunn" On her answer being sent for,
she requested further time for cOnsidera-
ton, and it was agreed that she should
send her answer by letter to Wethers.
field. In the course of few weeks Mr..
Mix received her reply, which was soon
followed by the wedding:
NoRIHAhpros, Sd Noysmbe,, 1sss.-Rs'.
Stephen Mix. Yes. MANY oToDDAkD'
A few years before the death of the
Duke Of Wellington, q captain in certain
regiment of heavy dragons, which had
been ordered TO the Cape, applied to his
Grace, as Chief, for per
mission to negotiate transfer to another
corps. The Duke merely turned up the
corner of the letter, and wrote the three
significant words, :" sail, or sell" and sent
it back to the unfortunate writer.
According to Punch, Sir Charles Ma
piers dispatch to the authorities, an
nouncing the capture OF Scinda, was
cleverly expressed in single Latin word,
to wit, peccart Il have Ainned). n
In reply to a touching letter from a
lady, announcing the death of her hus-
band, Talleyrand simply wrote: " Helas
Madame" No, very long afterward, the
same lady wrote to inform him that she
had married another husband, an officer
in the army, for whose promotion she
urgently pleaded. On this occasion the
statesman's reply was as brief as before /:
"Ho, no Madame"