The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1870-01-21
9tlistellaap.

your Daoyy NEAR "''"
to another.
Yes. poor little thing! 1t was only
FIVE months old 7
what did yoa do for it Z
eve had four doctors, bistcred its
head and feet; put mustard poultices all
over it; gave it nine powders-Hyaror-
0y4rum Cloridum mjte-ten grains each;
leeched its temples had it bled; and
gave it all kinds of physic; and still,
after weeks illness, it died.
A knowing traveller out West, who
had chartered half bed at crowded
hotel, and was determined to have the
best half, bucklcd a spur on his heel be-
fore turning in. His unfortunate sleep
ing partner bore the infection as long as
he could, and at last roarcd out: ''Say
stranger, if you're gentleman you
ought to cut off your toe nails.
Robert Hall did not lose his power of
retort. even in madness. A hypocriti-
cal condoIer with his misfortunes once
visited him in the mad house and said,
in whining tone, "What brought you
here, Mr.. HALF" Hall Significantly
touched his brow with his finger and re-
piled, "What never will bring you, sir
too much BRAIN"
An apothecary's boy was lately sent
to leave at one house box of pills, and
at another six live fowls. Confused on
the way, he left the pills where the
fowls should have gone and the fowls at
the pill place. The folks who received
the fowls were astonished at reading the
accompanying direction "Swallow one
every two hours"
A Good TempIar has satisfactorily
explained to his lodge how he happened
to indulge in four days spree. He
had ordered dozen bottles of mineral
spring water, which his playful wife
quietly emptled and re6lled with whisky.
Doubtfub dugger
An old lady who prctends to "know
all about it," says the only way to pre-
vent steamboat explosions is to make
the engineers bile their water on shore.
In her opinion, call the Dustin is done
BY cooking the steam on board the
boat"
At a wedding the other day, one of
the guests who is often little absent
minded, observed gravely:
Il have often remarked that there
hnve been more women than men mar
ried this year.
A St. Louis paper, speaking of
family in New York, that made for
tune out of whiskcy, says they live on
Twenty-third street, in perfect delirum
tremens of splendor.
An Irish lad complained the other day
of the Harsh treatment he had received
from his father:
'He trates me- he said mournfully,
tas if was his son by another father and
mother
Keep your eyes open boys, when
you are after woman. If the little
dear is cross and scolds her mother in
the back room, you may be sure you
will get particular fits all around the
house.
@What death would you prefer to
die ?" said person to another. 81
don't exactly know should like tctry
seven or eight before deciding the
point.
To politely tell man he lies, and find
yourself reclining gracefully in the
street for uttering the assertion, shows
the speaker can be made to lie occas-
ionally.
a person who was sent to prison for
marrying two wives, excused himself by
saving 'that when he had one, she
fought him, but when he got two they
fought each other"
You can't prevent the birds of sadness
from flying over your head, but you
may prevent them from stopping to
build their nests there.
A fool in high station, is like man
on the top of a high mountain-every-
thing appears small to him, and he ap-
pears small to everybody.
Tombstones are but marks on the road
to show us where the mortal and immor-
tal parted company.
Il can marry any girl l please said a
yeung fellow, boastingly. Very true,
replied his waggish companion-f0ryou
can't please any,
To get mere than one hundred cents
for doIlar-Inyest it in bottle of per-
fumery.
And old maid of our village says mar
riage is like any other disease-while
there's life, there's hope.