The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-06-05
Morning Star and Catholic Messenger,
A1w ORLEANS. SUNDAY. JUNE 5, is7o.
WIT AND w1sDon.


The man who would try to stab a ghos
would stick at nothing
A horticultural wag says the language q
4 flowers is uttered by tulip
How should balloon ascent be de
scribedf In inflated language.
The only blusterer from whom a brav
man will take blow is the wind.
Why is crow brave bird Becaus
ne never shows the white feather.
You may know gentleman by his gai
and a blackguard by his Billingsgate.
He that can please nobody is not so mucl
TO be pitled as he that nobody can please
! "AlPs well that ends well,n said the mon
Key, as he sat~contemplating his beautiful
Opinions grounded upon prejudice are
always maintained with the greatest vic.
lence.
The young lady who was " driven to dis.
traction" is now afraid she will have tC
walk back.
Why is man who beats his wife like q
Thoroughbred animalf Because he's q
perfect brute.
Young ladies at needlework are not al
ways what they appear. They are some
times seeming.
An old angler says that no one by merely
conversing with fish ever succeeded in
drawingit out.
"A debating club once discussed the i'm
portant question, " Whether cocks know
ledge of day break is the result of obserya-
ton or instinct 2"
Talkative persons seldom read. This is
among the few truths which appear the
greater the more we reflect upon them, For
what is reading but silent conversation.
Gentlemen walking should keep their
hands in their pockets. 1t shows their
warm, and out of other peoples pockets.
Smith asked Jones what the high price
of meat was owing to. sA considerable
part of it is owing to my butcher" said
Jones, /" for it is two months since 1 have
paid him."
"Isn't your hat sleepy ~ inquired a little
one. Ono, why Z" Inquired the gentleman. !
Because l think it's long time since it's
had nap" was the answer.
wealthy but weak-headed barrister
once remarked to Curran, that " No one
should be admitted to the bar who had not
an independent landed property" "May
I ask, sir" said Curran, chow many acres
make aciseacre?"
A countryman recently came to town to
purchase an article of household necessity,
and in passing music shop observed the
sig1, "All sorts of wind instruments for
sale here" He forthwith stepped in and
asked for pair of bellows.
farmer seeing dozen idlers lying on
the ground, offered a shilling to the LATEST
ing the reward, each asserting himself the
LATEST one. The shilling, however, was
given to the twelfth, who had slothfully
kept his place.
A newly married lady and gentleman, |
riding in q chaise, were unfortunately over
turned person, coming to their assist
ance observed it was q very shocking sight |
Very shocking, indeed" replied the gen
tleman, "to see a newly-married couple
fall out so soon."
Hannah" said the landlady of board
iDg-hOuse to her new maid, IS when there's
any bad news, particularly private afflic-
tions, always let the boarders know it be-
Hannah, but such things make great diff
ference in the eating in the course of a
year."
gentleman, whose house was repairing,
went one day to see how the job was get
ting on, and observing a number of nails
lying about, said to the carpenter employed
on the work, Why don't yon take care of
:. No." replied the carpenter, "you1l find
them in the BILL"
Muggins was passing mp st. Charles j
street one day with a friend, when he OBJ
served a poor dog that had been killed
lying in the gutter. Muggins paused, and {
gazing intently on the defunct animal, said,
'+There is another shipwreck." "Ship-
wreck, where Z" "There's bark that's :
lost forever" His companion growled and i
passed on. i
Father Williams, of Providence, and a q
ritualist being in discussion the other day, !
the latter defied the former to show a PRAYER
mentioned in Scripture that was not writ 1
zen. Father Williams said, "Can 1 ask t
you a question 2" Certainly" was the 6
"Tell me, them" said he, who '
held the candle when Jonah prayed in the G
whales belly ~ q
At one time Daniel Webster had a diff Il
,ult case to plead, and verdict was rem
Tered. against his client. One of the wit. =
lesses came to him and said, Mr.. Web q
tier, if had thought we should have lost !,
he case, might have testified a great deal U
more than / did" otis of no conseSsI 9
Iuence," replied the lawyer; "the jury
lid not believe a word you said"
A Detroit negro prisoner, on his way to f
he penitentiary for larceny, was asked r
What he thought of his trial. He said, +,
When dat lawyah dat Tended me made
is speech, 1 thought shuah was going to
AXE my ole hat and walk right out of dat N
o't-rOom; but when de oder lawyer got h
p and commenced talking, knew was q
e biggest rascal on top of de earf." 4
"A Yankee shoemaker purchased of a ped I'll
Ter half a bushel of shoe-pegs, all neatly tt
happened at one end, and warranted to be W
the best maple, but he found them-on fC