The Republican journal., 1870-12-15
MARK TWAIN'S WONDERFUL WATCH.

NV beautiful new watch had run eighteen
or nineteen months without losing or gaining
and without breaking any part of its machin-
cry or stopping. | had come to believe it in
fallable in its judgments about the time of
day, and to consider its constitution and its
anatomy imperishable But at last, one night
l let it run down. grieved about it as it it
were q recognized messenger and torerunner
of calamity. But by and by cheered up,
set the watch by guess, and commanded my
bodings and superstitons to depart Next
day stepped into the chief jewellers to set
by the exact time, and the head of the estab-
lishment took it out of my hand and proceed
ed to set it for me. Then he said :-''She is
four minutes slow, and the regulator must be
pushed up q little, and so, while [ danced
around him in anguish, and bescecheQ hlm
to let the watch alone, he calmly and cruelty
did the shameful deed. My watch began to
gain. 1t gained faster day by day Within
the week it Sickcned to q raging fever, and
its pulse went up to a hundred and fifty in
the shade At the end of two months it had
left all the time pieces of the town far in the
rear, and was Il fraction over thirteen days
ahead of the almanac II was away INTO
November enjoying tho snow, while the Oc-
tobcr leaves Were still turning 1t hurried
up house-rcnts, bills payable. and such
things, in such II runous way that | co It'd
rot abide it, took ii TO the Matchmaker to
be regulated H. asked me if had ever
had it repaired | s;,id no it had never need
ed any repairing. lie looked 4 look of Vi
cious happiness and eagerly pred The watch
open. then put q small dicc-box into his eve
and peered into its machinery He said it
wanted cleaning and oiling, besides rcguat-
ing-come in week. After being cleaned
and oiled and regulated, my watch slowed
down to that degree that it tclcd like 4
tolling bell. | began to be left bv trains. |
failed all appointments, got to missing my
dinner; my watch strung out three DAYS
grace to four and let me 90 to protest. |
gradually drifted back into yesterday, then
day before, then into last week, and by and
by the comprehension came upon me that all
solitary and alone was lingering along in
week before last. and the world was out of
sight Iseemcd to detect in myself sort of
seeking fellow-tecling for the mummy in the
museum, and a desire to swap news with him.
went to q Matchmaker again. He took the
watch all to pieces while | waited, and then
said the barrel was ''swellcd." He said he
could reduce it in three days. After this the
watch averaged well, but nothing more For
half q day it would go like the very mischief,
and keep up such barking and Wheeling
and whooping and sncezing and snorting,
that could not hear myself think for the
disturbance; and rs long as it held out, there
was not Il watch in the land that stood any
chance against it. But the rest of the day il
would keep on slowing down and foolnp
along until all the clocks it had left behind
gilt iii, again. So at last, ut the end of
twenty-four hours, it would trot up to the
judges stand all right and just on time 1t
would show n fair and square average and
no man could say it had done more or less
than its duty. But a correct average is only
mild virtue in 4 watch, and | took this in
strument to another matchmaker. He said
the king-bolt was broken. | said was glad
it was nothing more serious. TO tell the
plain truth, had no idea what the king-bolt
was, but did not choose to appear ignorant
to stranger. He repaired the king-bolt, but
what the watch gained in one way it lost in
another. 1t would run awhile and then STOP
awhile, and then run awhile again. and so
on, using its own discretion about the inter-
walls And every time it went off it kicked
back like a musket. padded my breast for
a few days, but finally took the watch to
another matchmaker. He picked it all to
pieces, and turned tho ruin over and under
his glass; and then he said there appeared to
be something the matter with the hair-trio-
yer. 1t llAeu IL, anu gave lt II lrcSn start
1t did well now, except that always at ten
minutes to ten the hands would shut togeth-
er like pair of scissors, and from that time
forth they would travel together, The oldest
man in the world could not make head or
tail Of the time Of day by such watch and
SO | went again to have the thing repaired
This person said that the handspring was not
straight He also remarked that part of the
works needed half soleing. He made these
things all right. and then my tmepiece per-
formed unexceptionably, save that now and
then, after working along quietly for nearly
eight hours, everything inside would let 60
all of a sudden and begin to buzz like bee,
and the hands would straightway begin to
spin round and round so fast that their indi-
viduality was lost completely, and they sim
ply seemed delicate spiders web over the
face of the watch. She would reel off the
next a hours in six or seven minutes and
then stop with a bang. | went with heavy
heart to one more matchmaker and looked on
while he took her to pieces. Then prcpar-
ed to cross-question him rigidly, for this
thing was getting serious. The watch had
nost 5000 originally. and seemed to have