Oregon Republican. [volume] (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872, 1870-09-17

out.
A joint concern-Anxiety about tie
butchers bill.
Dyeirg for lova-Coloring your mus
tiche to please "a woman.
Is there any connection between IA
man-of>war and tug of war!
The noblest sight on earth is man
talking reason, aud his wife listening to
him.
It is mistake to suppose the sun is
supported in the skies by its beams.
The oldest Woman's Club-the
broonsticE
A corn extractor that has never been
patented-the crow.
The New York Express thinks
good ''ay delegate" is "hen."
When was beefstake the highest !?
When the COW jumped over the moon.
A gay Philadelphia youth has been
fined So for an assault with "intent to
kiss
A man who has tried it says that all
the short cuts TO wealth are overcrowd.
ed.
Why are a shocmaker's plans always
frustrated? Because his attempts al
WAYS end in de feet.
"Drowning men catch at straws"-
so will any other man-if there is a
julep at the end of it.
A schoolmaster in the country adver-
iises thar he will keep Sundaysehool
twice q week.
One Of the most important rules OF
the science of manners is an almost ali.
solute silence in regard TO yourself.
Many a man WHO would scorn to pur-
loin song from a music-seller thinks
it no harm 10 ''steal march.
OF man who recently died. it j.
said. "his name will be remembered
wherever his deeds and mortgages are
known"
"Oh, mother" said little boy, as
he stool looking at lake by moonlight,
''sce how the moon spriukles down on
the water -
An old lady, gazing with astonish-
ment n an elephant in mcnagerie, ask.
cd the keeper, "what kind Of beast is
that eating hay with its tail p
A lady gave this reason for not
knowing the color OF her minister =
eses-"When he prays he shuts his
own eyes, aud when he breaches he
shuts mine.
A Labored Argument.-Let those
whose constant cry is ''out of work" be
of good cheer. Rest assured that out
OF work comes the necessaries and lux
uries of lite.
One live man, with a moderate
amount of capital and energy. is worth
more to a town than dozen million,
aires who shut their money up 10 mort,
cages and unimproved real estate.
This notice is posted in Down East
post Office: Wanted to find (by a
single gentleman hand without the
mttcn. Information may be left al
the post Office"
A man out West, hearing that dry
cor peras put in bed OF ants would
cause them to leave, he put some in his
mother in laws to sec if she would go
lie says she was there at last accounts
Blindman's bluff is said to come near
err to genuine human s, sympathy than any
other amusement known to the children
of men. because it's low-feeling fol
fellow creature.
"Do you think" asked Mrs. pepper.
pot, "that little tenn per is bad thing
in woman p Certainly not, ma am,
replied gallant philosopher; sit is Q
good thing, aud she ought never to lose
IT,"
n &. @N ,1# E II E#s# | 4
A stir has been created in England
for some time past, by the disappear
nnce of Lord Aberdeen, young noble
man aged twenty three. who left Eng
land about two years ago, without sine,
giving any information of his where
abonts. sf A - r
/ An Ohio youth, sitting in church
mistook the gentle touch of the plum,
on the jaunty hat Of young lady TO
u fly on his neck, and with the energy
o.! evaporation, sent plume, hat anc
chignon flying into distant pew.
i The fastest trotting horse ip th'
world is said to be owned by Mr
Thorne, of Duchess county, N. Y
This horse has trotted half mile il
i:06, aud mile on hs'road in 2:17
| lie has never been trained for th
track.
4 The Wnmen's journal says: 81
| (ashinuahin 1rasern.k knr IN New y.rl