Knoxville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1875, 1870-05-04
JOSH BILhINes,PAPERs.q
Tight Boots.


/ would list like few kno who the man
was who fust invented lite boots.
He must have bin a narrow and kop
trakted cuss.
If he still Hives, hope he haz repented
ov hiz sim or liz, enjoying CRATE agony owl
some kind. . s-~ -.a--sfr.sr u,
i hay bin in crate menny tite spots in
mi life, but generally could manage to
make them average; but thare IL no such
thing as making a pair of tite boots aver
hge- ...e Y
II Yukan't git an average on the pinch ov
q tite boot, emmy more than yu can on the
bite ov a lobster. f-A
boots, and be humble, aud penitent, and
not indulge in profane literature, will
make a good husband.
He will do more than that, he will do to
divide up into several fust klass husbands
and be made to answer for "a whole naber-
hood.
Oh for The pen on the departed VIM.
SlIakspear, to write an anathema against
tite boots, that would make anshunt Rome
wake up and howl agin, az she did once
before ON previous ockashun.
| Oh for the strength of Herkules, to tare
| into shu Strings all the tite boots of crea-
shun and skater them to the winds Of
heaven ~
J OH for the buty of Venus, tew make
| bigg foot look hansum without tite boot
on IT, - ''.' - l'-i'' Flgl
oh for the payshunce of Job, the Apes
| tie, to nuss u tite boot and bless 1t, and even
| pra for one a size smaller and more pinch
| full.
Oh for pair ov boots bigg enuff for the
1 foot ov mountain. e WI sl- rr.r -
L hay been led into the above assortment
ov . Obs" from having in my possesshun,
| at this moment, q pair of number nine
boots, with pair ov number eleven feet in
them.
Mi feet are az dogs nozc the f,ist time
l think mi feet will eventually choke the
boots to deth.
| 7 live in hopes they will -gi-f
! L supposed had lived long enuff not to
be phooled agin in this way. but ! have
found that an ounce ov vanity weighs more
than pound of reason, espeshly when a
| man mistakes big foot for small one.
Avoid title boots, mi friend, as yeu would
the grip of the devil, for many man haz
| caught for life fust rate habit for swear
no by encouraging his feet to hurt his
boots. ii't
| L hay promised mi two feet, at least q
dozen of times during my cheekured life,
that they never should be strangled agin,
but find them TO day az full ov pain az
the stummuk axe from sudden attack OF
tite boots. 4.-i - i. r-a - -'l.. .-,.r
But this IL solemnly the last pair oy tite
| boote will ever wear Will hereafter wear
boots az big as mi feet, if have to go bare
foot to do il. Do
/ Fam too old and too respectable to be a
phool emmy more. r,--. -ie
I EaZy boots is one ov the luxuries of life,
but forgit what the other luxury is, but
don't know as feare; prov ded | lean git rid
ov this pair ov tite boots. -fsr'.i- e. r. =.
Emmy man kan hay, them for seven dol
lars, just half what they kost, and if they
don't make his feet AXE wllss than an an
gle worm i'll hot ashes, he needn't pay for
them. ,.AL fg,.-. s -.f,- ~. ~ =
Methuseler liz the only man that i kan
kali to mind now who could have afforded
to have wore tite boots and enjoyed them
he had "a CRATE deal ov waste time to be
miserable-in, but life now a days il too
short, and too full of actual business to
phool away emmy oy it on tite boots ID. .. +,
Tite boots are an insult to emmy mans
understanding. 'h4 ~
He who wears tite boots-will have to ac-
knowledge the corn. 4- s,.sts. .s.-.
Tite boots have no bowels of mersy, theiI
insides are wrath and promiskous cuss-
ing.
! Beware Oy tite boots.