Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1870-02-18
JOSH BILLINGS, PAPERS.
JEWS HARps

A gentleman IL gentleman the world
oyer-loafers differ
Benevolence IL the cream that rizes on
the milk ov human kindness
Courage without discretion, IL ram with
horns on both ends, be win hav more ftes
on hand than be kan well attend to.
Hunting after happiness, IL like hunting
after a lost sheep in the wilderness; when
"a find it, the chances are, that it IL
skeleton
a dog IL the only animal kritter who luys
yu more than he luvs himself
There IL no more real satisfaekshon in lay
ing up 10 yure buzzum an injury than thare
IL in stufing a dead hornet, who haz stung
you, aOd keeping him tew look at.
Old friends are like old cheese, the
strongest.
Lies are like iilegihmate children, they
are liable tew call man Father" when Re
least ezpekts it.
An money that IL weH spent, IL a good
investment.
If We would all oy us take kare ov our
own souls aud LEI onr nabors alone, thEre
would be less time lost, and more souls
saved
Before would preach the gospel az some
ministers are obliged to, for 45o dollars a
year, would git living az Nebudkenezzer
did, and let the congregashun go tew grass
to.
Contentment is the vittles, and drink ov
the soul.
Did yu ever hear son Dragging about
hiz father, whoze father could with justice,
brag about hiz son?
The safest kind ov faith i kBo ov, IL
humanity.
The man who never makes emmy mis-
takes, ike the angle-worm, never gifts far
away from hiz hole
| A brilliant blunder in writer, IL often
one oT hiz best hits
Tyranny il often changed, but never de-
stroyed-
Sucking a whipt sillgbub. thru rby
straw, IL good deal like trieing tew liy on
buty.
| never knu profound phool yet, who
did not afFekt gravity, nor truly vize
man, whoze face was not aIwus cooked and
primed, for laugh
Prudery il nothing more than eoauetry,
gone to seed.
New York city IL fasst place, yu kant
even pass phuneral procession, unless yu
hav got the fastest hoss.
Truth haz hardly clothing enuf tew hide
its nakedness.
\ pompous man IL like full blown blad-
der, it il pure malice tew prick him
The money and morality nv this world
are a good deal alike, the principle never
loses sight ov the interest
Pity costs nothing-and amt worth moth
ing.
What men kant do, they are apt to ad-
mire, they don't criticise mountain, be-
kauze they kant make one.
Poverty IL one ov them kind ov misfor-
tunes, that we al oy us dread, but none ov
US pity.
Thare IL lots ov people in this world who
covet misfertuoes, jist for the luxury ov
grunting
1t IL comparatively eazy tew repent ov
the sins that we bav committed, but tew re-
peut ov thoze which we intend to commit,
is asking tew much ov emmy man, now
days
l thank God for one thing. and that IL,
when every buddy else IL happy, am sure
to be-
Most men go thru life az rivers go teE the
sea- bi following the lay ov the ground
In youth we run into difhkultys, in old
age, difikultys runs into US.
Times ANT az they used tew be'-tbis
haz bin the sollum, and wize remark OF
mankind, ever since Adam was boy
Secrets are cussid poor propertg at best,
if circulate them, yu loze them, and ifyu
keep them, Yu loze the interest on the In
vestment
Prosecuted for the Devils sake, IL what
sinners git for their allegiance
Sum people won't beleave emmy thing
they kant prove; the things can't prove,
arc the very things beleaye the most
Pride never shows itself more disgust
iDgly than in the ponp o- phuneral
/ Happiness is not idleness, but its spirit IL
az free from labor, az the life ov yearling
heifef
Good examples amung the rulers, are the
best laws they kan enakt
The devil il probably the best judge Ov
human natur that ever lived, and he must
hav beleayed in the doktrine ov total de-
pravity, or he wouldn't hav undertook tew
tempt the Saviour.
A gentleman about town, IL one whe
pays cash for everything except biz debts.
Money IL like charity, il kivyers multi
tude ov sins.
A pedant IL one who dlls himself ia eel
lar with the kIam broth ov literature, and
then picks hiz teeth in the society oy the
learned.
Thare IL but little, if any, ceremony, be-
tween two wize men, but between wize
man and a phool, oerimony iz the only thing
that will make phool feel respectable.
When VI find a man who IL very sohsitus
about the welIfair ov everybody, w kan
= safely put him down az one who IL hunting
for misfortune.
}. 'YoU look as though you were beelee
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