The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-06-14
Il U M RoUs 1T E M

DSlg~ A crusty old bachelor saws he
thinks 1t Is woman, and not her wrongs
that ought to be redressed
Bsy" The man who was "overfowinc
with the milk of human kindness" kept
the cream for his own use.
DsS~ What is the difference between
chattering lover and pedestrian excur-
sion One is a talking wooer, the other
walking tour.
De5r' If a lady were threatened to be
kissed by a gentleman, and she objected
what place near the coast of France
might she name? Ushant.
DsS~ Do you think asked Mrs Pep
per, that little temper is bad thing
in woman? Certainly not ma'am,5
replied gallant philosopher: it is a
good thing, and she ought never to lose
it,
Rey~ An Irishman, drayman was given
load in Philadelphia recently, being
told to drive to the Gymnasium on Broad
Street. Shortly afterwards he was in
that vicinity inquiring for the residence
sof Mr.. james Nasium.
RSy~ An orator who had raised his au-
dience to great height by his lofty soar
ings, exclaimed: Il will now close in
the beautiful and expressive language Of
thepoet-I forget his name-and-I for
get what he said, too"
Bsy~ Ny dear" said the sentimental
Mrs. Waddles, home, you know, is always
the dearest spot on earth"
"Wcll, yes" said the practical Mr..
Waddles, " it does cost me about twice as
mach as any other spot"
Besg~ A minister in Salem took for his
text, The flesh, the world, and the dey-
il, y and informed his astonished audience
that he should " dwell briefly in the flesh
pass rapidly over the world and hasten as
fast as he could to the devil"
DsD" " don't wish to say anything
againstthe individual in question" said
very polite gentleman; but would mere
y remark, in the language of the poet,
that to him truth is stranger than fc-
ton"
BGg" A colored lady called at the store
in Chicago last week to buy pair of
flesh -colored" hose. The matter-of.fact
clerk innocently took down a box Of
black stockings for her inspection. Miss
Dinah Indignantly left the store.
DG5- A young lady in Indiana was
frozen to death during the last cold SPELL
while out sleigh riding with young man.
A man who can't keep woman from
freezing when he has her in sleigh all
alone to himself, should be punished to
the extent Of the law.
D&lg" TO make lager-bier the following
new recipe is given; Takea barrel and
fill it with rain-water, put in one pair of
old boots, a head of last falls cabbage
two short skies, sprig of worm wood
and little yeast Keep it for a year,
and then 3" Dish out"
H@g- A 'trickey politician, who was
noted for never doing anything without
sinister purpose having died the clergy
man who preached his funeral sermon
said that it would have been aconsolation
to the friends of the deceased if they
could ascertained his motive in thus sud
denly leaving them.
Bsgn The'b and most conclusive rea.
son for an effect that we ever remember
to have heard, was given by a Dutchman
in reply to a friend who remarked, "Why
Hans, you have the most feminine cast Of
countenance | have ever SEEN" ooh,
yaw," was the reply, Z" I know the reason
for dat-mymother s0dS acoman"
BeS@ An apothecary's boy was lately
sent to leave at one house a box of pills
and at another six live fowls Confused
on the way he left the pills where the
fowls should have gone and the fowls at
the pill place. The folks who received
the fowls were astonished at reading the
accompanying directions "Swallow one
every two hours"