The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-06-02
WIT AND HUMoR.

CaSDuH Lllat my 'SauUh Nv lilc Wouiu
run out ere the time should cum when
the tcmal would kaim the rite ov shar'
IN in those pursuits which hev bin ad.
judged ny wise and kind Providence
az only fitted for the mail sex exklu.
sively. But, alas. few pebbles still
remain in my glass. and | behold the
scarlet pettykote gracefully swayin in
the breeze; hear the squeak of feml.
mostly mirglin with the horscr notes ov
men in the halls of kommcrce; | see
her standin ON the rostrum in all the
dazzlih array ov silks, sa,ins, and white
stockins, drawn strength to her cause
b. the mere force OF her buty Men
stop tn lap the sweetness ov her smiles,
as thirsty dorg laps the koolin waters
in dory days. She gently ties them to
her apron with soft fingers and softer
wurds, and drives them where she will.
Amung sum nashuns she, however, still
remains kontcnted in her natural sphere,
tendin to her domestick affairs with an
eye of vigilance, seekin only the dis
tinctshun of fust klass housckeeper.
How happy must the fnjun be whose
wife cheerluily hoes hiz corn, bids hiz
fire in the mornin, cooks hiz fodder
and receives hiz lickins az dutiful
wife should. satisfied to leave publick
shuirs in the hands ov her husband
What iz tn bekum ov our tutur g.ner.
ashuns, or where they are tn cum trum.
II more than Plum can safely menshun.
1t IL utterly impossible for us men to
be both parents at the same time in our
present state, and Ill be dem if III
sign emmy petishun til Nature tn make
envy changes in her wurks | hev lived
tn long us mail krtter III becum in
my old age promoter and nurser ov
inlauts. These wimmin hev got more
rites now than we hev. Don't they hev
full swing ov their tungs, without emmy
fears ov law suits or lhrashins? And
amt they got the exclusive rite ov
keepin man tluttcrin around EN-, like
moth around a How dip, JUS. ax
long az she choose-torlurln him by
degrees, redusin hiz strength, both ov
mind and body, till lie appears almost
like a lunatick, caLsin him TO eIklaim.
after the novelty and honeyed part ov
hiz married life haz passed:
"What derncd tool I WIZ Oh Su
san, if could rekall the sizes hfv
uttered, the mummy / hev spent on yur
deer sell, the hare hev lost since va
embraced mt imunny and he'd sure
holt onter la: iron chest ov yur ven.
cradle parint, I think l could with eha.
nimity see yu torn from ayabuzzuu
nevcr tn cum back agin"
But they amt satisfied with tho pow.
er hey hev already, AMI now want tu
enter the po'tickal fiyll, armed aud
equipped with that crate wepon ov Of.
teurc aud defence "tie ballot.box."
Just take q birds eye view ov the
scenes that will take place if they suc-
coed in their object. Here are two Ia.
,ies-M ss Prim and Miss Stid both
ov uncertain age, and ov course butt
lul. Pnilicka y spekein, they entertaa
different idees ov the same SUI ljcct.
They meet at the polls; Stiff is sarcas.
CYSTIC q; Prm in reply iz gramat exile but
bitter; words flow thick and fast;
blows follow: they scratch--they bite
they pound, to the CRATE admirashun
ov the crowd who bet freely The re.
suit IL easy IL konjecturc. The spark.
lin eye IL klosed-the thin lips, around
which, like the last rose oy summer"
sum ov the sweetness ov yuth tries to
still lingcr, are pu,fed ont and black.
cned, while the "klaret' flows copiusly
from the hattened nostriIs.
Oh, angel, bens, desist frum yur
kruel purposes! kr rltinue to be cur
aft cshunate muthers, dau,ers, sweet.
hearts, and dootil'ul wives. Spank US
in our intancics; stuff US with cookies
and punkin pisc in our saool boz dais;
brake our harts in that soft and tender
period kallcd yuthhood; but don't, oh
don't seek tn deprive us ov the exk,u.
sive rite tu ware pantaloons
II wimmn don't want tn dress up or
down tu more than tew thirds ov their
length, let them du SO. | hey'nt q wurd
tu say agin it. But when t ey cum tu
kuttin their kalicos inter britches, and
then insists on waren 'em, want tn
leave; | want tn 90 tn sum spot where
wmmiu iz unknown. In konklusion,
let me say. that l hev'nt rote his out
ov emmy maic to free aud luvly fcmails.
but to show the entire inadaptedness
ov lemail tu becum q mail, and vice
versa. hope that in Hevcn all in.
cqualities will be removed, aud. we
shall bekum whatever we desire, and
are best fitted for. But az long az We
dwell in this wurld my desire and pray.
or IL, that Nachurc will allow her wurks