The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1870-05-20
THE STORY OF THE GOOD LITTLE
BOY WHO DID NOT PROSPER.
By MARK TWAIN.
From the Galaxv for MAJ

Bad Little Boy who Did Not Come TO
Grief" Ga moral sketch which publish
ed FIVE or six years ago. was worthy of
preservation several weeks in print, a
fair and unprecedented companiOn-piece
to it would deserve a similar immortal
ity.--EDIToR-l
Once there was a good little boy by
the name of Jacob Bliyins- He always
obeyed his parents, no matter how alb
surd and unreasonable their demands
were and he always learned his book,
and never was late at Sabbath School.
He would not play hockey, even when
his sober judgment told him it was the
most profitable thing he could do. None
of the other boys could ever make that
boy out, he acted so strangely.
He wouldn't lie, no matter how con-
venient it was. He just said it was
wrong to lie, and that was sufficient for
him. And he was SO honest that he was
simply ridiculous. The curious WAYS
that Jacob had surpassed every thing.
He wouldn't play marbles on Sunday,
he wouId't rob birds nests, he wouldn't
give hot pennies to organ grinders mon
keys; he didn't seem to take any inter
est in any kind of rational amusement.
So tho other boys used to try to reason
it out and come to and understanding of
him, but they couldn't arrive at any sat
isfactory conclusion; as L said before,
they could only figure out sort of a
vague idea that he was afflicted" and
so they took him under their protection,
and never allowed any harm to come to
him.
This good boy read all the Sunday
School books; they were his greatest
delight This was the whole secret of
it. He believed in the good little boys
they put in the Sunday School books !;
he had every confidence in them. He
longed to come across one of them alive,
once but he never did. They all died
before his time, may be. Whenever he
read about a particularly good one, he
turned over quickly to the end to see
what became of him, because he wanted
to travel thousands of miles to gaze on
him but it wasn't any use; that good
little boy always died in the last chapter,
and there was a picture of the funeral,
with all his relations and the Sunday
School children standing around the
grave in pantaloons that were too short,
and bonnets that were too large, and
everybody crying into handkerchiefs
that had as much as a yard and half
of stuff in them. He was always head
ed off in this way. He never could see
one of those good little boys, on account
of his always dying in the last chapter.
Jacob had a noble ambition to be put
in Sunday School book. He wanted
to be put in, with pictures representing
him gloriously declining to lie to his
mother, and she weeping for joy about
it and pictures representing him stand
ing on the doorstep giving penny to
poor beggar woman with six children,
and telling her to spend it freely, but
not to be extravagant, because extrava-
- eSY, l,osoN 80 L.
unanimously refusing to tell on the bad
boys who always lay in wait for him
around the corner, as he came from
school, and welted him over the head
with a lath, and then chased him home,
saying, "Hi! hi !" as he proceeded. That
was the ambition of young Jacob Bliv-
ems. He wished to be put in Sunday
School book. 1t made him feel little
uncomfortable sometimes when he re-
fiected that the good little boys always
died. -n
He loved to live, you know, and this
was the most unpleasant feature of be-
ing a Sunday School book boy. He
knew it was not healthy TO be good. He
knew it was more fatal than consump-
ton to be SO supernaturally good as the
boys in the books were; he knew that
none of them had ever been able to stand
it long, and it panied him to think that
if they put him in book he wouldn't
ever see it, or even if they did get the
book out before he died, it would not be
popular without any picture of his flu
neral in the back part of it. 1t couldn't
be much of a Sunday School book that
couldn't tell about the advice he gave
to the community when he was dying.
So, at last, of course, he had to make up
his mind to do the best he could under
ffan oil tor to live .inrlnf nd
hang on as long as he could, and have
his dying speech all ready when his
time came.
But somehow, nothing ever went
right with this good little boy nothing
ever turned out with him the way it
turned out with the good little boys in
the books. They always had a good
time, and the bad boys had the broken
legs; but in this case there was a screw
loose somewhere, and it all happened
just the other way. When he found
Jim Blake stealing apples, and went un-
der the tree to read to him about the bad
little boy who fell out of neighbors'
apple tree and broke his arm, Jim fell
out of the tree, too, but he fell on him,
and broke his arm, and jim wasn't hurt
at all. Jacob couldn't understand that.
There wasn't anything in the books
like it.
And once, when some bad boys push
ed blind man over in the mud, and
Jacob ran to help him up and receive
his blessing, the blind man did not give
him any blessing at all, but whacked
him over the head with his stick, and
said he would like to catch him showing
him again and then pretending to help
him up. This was not in accordance
with any of the books, Jacob looked
them all over to see.
One thing that Jacob wanted to do
was to find lame dog that hadn't any
place TO stay, and was hungry and per-
secuted, and bring him home and pet
him, and have that dogs imperishable
gratitude. And at last he found one,
and was happy; and he brought him
home and fed him, but when he was go
ing to pet him, the dog flew at him and
tore all the clothes off him except those
that were in front, and made a spectacle
of him that was astonishing. He ex-
amined authorities, but he coHld not
understand the matter. 1t was of the
same breed of dogs that was in the
books, but it acted very differently.
Whatever this boy did, he got into
trouble. The very things the boys in
the books got rewarded for, turned out
to be about the most Improbable things
he could invest III.
once When ne was OnlllS way 10 Stln-
day School he saw some bad boys start
ing of pIeasuring in sail boat. He
was filled with CONSERVATION, because
he knew from his reading that boys who
went sailing on Sunday Invariably got
drowned. So he ran opt on raft to
warn them, but q log turned with him
and slid him into the river. A. man got
him out pretty soon, and the doctor
pumped the water out of him and gave
him fresh start with his bellows, but
he caught cold and lay sick abed nine
weeks. But the most unaccountable
thing about it was that the bad boys in
the boat had q good time all day, and
then reached home alive and we'll, in the
most surprising manner. Jacob Bliv-
ems said there was nothing like these
things in the books. He was perfectly
| dumbfounded. -
When he got well he was q little dis
couraged, but he resolved to keep on
trying anyhow. He knew that so far
his experience wouldn't do to go into 8
book, but he hadn't reached the allotted
term of life for good little boys, and he
| hoped to be able to make a record yet,
| if he could bold on until his time was
fully mp. If everything else failed, he
had his dying speech to fall back on.
He examined his authorities, and
found that 1t was now time for him to
4 n