The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1870-09-09
VARIETIES.


Aquatic sports--a milLface. ssasHoiA
r An impossibiIity--an ugly baby. b91:nJ
The sweets of ofice-the sugar 1dut5sS.oS J
: Agricultural mendiug--potato patches. !
+, How to get foot hold--taks D boot fft
jack. r9u sI .oi@gas .gI
A salty mateh--ten thousand 'ysss Il
oa both sides. .slo 8ee-.as5s,ss, ssae.lr
The party Of the second part-ths wo-
mans party. .....5 80 .,sts.of ia or
DIcKEss was christened "chazleS ;
John Houghman. -, - :
+, The Princess de Mettsrnieh oasdoex
Eugene ID dress extravagance. ~ = y
Game is very plenty on the PaeidS
road-that IL, euclIre and sesen up f1fzf
Bceeher says "Gohgsegationalist b 3 \
dry Baptist, and Baptist is a vet cos-2a
gregationalist. ..f .,., - f.a--.se e7,.
Cock fights are called aToosteF contro-
vcrsies" IN Cleveland aud "chicken diver
sions" in Norfolk 5's.'' - t'-'it
The woman Who neglects the buttons !
OF her husbands shirt front is not the
wife of his bosom. ses ~ g la4foaa1 =
Young women are never in more asii-io
ger Of being made slaves than wheb the n
men are at their feet. .s-.z..., .,..sof1,
A Hindoo provcrb says: "Strike not
even with flower. wife, though she
had a thousand faults" -
An English wag says we ought never
TO be frightened at the arrival Of ghosf,.
because it is quite immaterialo d} 5e1
A widower was recently rejected BY "a r.
damsel who didn't want affection tAat 81
had been warmed" over. -
How to enjoy a nice en-bracing dag +.
at the seaside-Get on board a. pleasure :
boat and let her hug the shore. 20 :
A business man may get alo1g with =
out advertising. and 60 can wagon with .
out greasing-but it goes hard. asiaEa
Elder Smith, one of the mormon prophedi
cts, has buried so many wives that he de-,
serves to be called Elder bury Smith.
The heIaets worn BY the London POI +
lice arc said to be "on the pattern Of that
worn by the late Alexander the Great." ,
An unreasonable lady Of shistorical
ability" is reading The Beautiful Snow. .
at the ,defenceiess people of Indianapolis 3,
A Mississippi editor has received . !.
present of water " mellon" so large :
that it takes two rs" To- Dspell it.
Even if woman had as many locks
upon her heart as she has upon her head,
a cunning rogue would and his way into;
it s rax as = asli silgfssF
Charlotte Guliiard was the first nota-sw
lii Rxr.Ia rr.otar Che ~
for fifty years in Paris-froni 1906 to- {
1856.
4 gentleman was asked to give =. d.
finition of nonsense .'Sir," he replied,
"to bolt door with a boiled carrot is 1
nonsense" II rts1it - I
To enjoy pure feast of imsgination
when your stomach is empty and your =
pocket ditto. sit down and read codk-
cry book. ao
Cincinnati wants to know if fashions /,
bic ladies hire their bah dresses It has
been remarked that they are becoming
higher. asa 7.--,,-., 5.s-,T, ell sre r,se
Our city congregations -ii'the church..
es are rather thin just now. The same
may be said Of not y few Of the members
thereof. 81 1@ -
The New York pspsrs say the spring
suits for ladies are ornamcnted with every 1
thing "from Jacobs ladder to . pen-vi- J
per in silk" ..se..s~... ss,s,,
The, man WHO had a leg crushed nn- +
der tho weight Of. . conviction, it = =,
pleasant to learn will not have to submit
to an amputation. Z eofass Scr fi7fw
Scripturaf injundtions are sohetimeG Q
perverted when carried Into pfseties Sc5
and in nothing more than when strange
ers are taken in. - - ,.4,.e,,,
Mrs, Phelps, in her latest book, {
: .sHedged In" robes her spotless female
character 10 white, ana hdr sinful one
in black nightgowi. as o6s Hsals kan
A Mississippi negro worked on shares,
but got nothing .sbecause," said he, "Ina
worked for de seventh, and only made /,
ifth; crop short" .f4., or,'.s
A divorced widow at Providence, r. L.,
on Monday, created considerable excite
ment by assaulting lady who was rid ~
ing with her former husband. ed3 10 aLsb
A loying wife at Long Branch said: J
"The horrid ,snrf makes me Keep my "a
mouth Suut.y OdICoSttSi uuSpouuT I oAUlff
some of it homo with YOU -.
South Adams, Mass, is the home Of 4 5
lady who, after blessing her husband with
nine daughters in succession, now ut thu
age of So years, gives birth to aaboys iis''l
There is somewhere in the British Isles
Ia place called Peterhead, and out of sev.fe
EN- ladies who have recently become moth-
ers in this matrimonial paradise, six have
given birth to twins. g Ct eTR sEre1faaIa
It was regarded as strong case Of cirI- =
FcumstantiaI evidence in d Pittsb1re
court the other day, when the lplaintift q
produced the skillet with which, his wife. d
struck him, aud showed the july how
nicely the three legs fitted into the hoisG 1 !,
in his head. -
Gen. Butler threatens that he, Wit :,
"stir things up in Tennessee" TO which &
the louisville Cburser-.J Journal Iespondsy ~
|"Yes, with one of Lonisiana's silveEfaf
spoons" That was a very uakind rs--oY
mark,
| s-0h, DEAR" exclaimed HanriettE
throwing herself into the rocking ohairosr
lsI'll never go to the postof6ce again, to
be looked out Of countenance by al Of s !,
those men on the corner. 1t is 50 Tfd q