The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1870-06-10
{JN iGGtll y n E u 1t q .
A MYSTERIOUS VISIT.
BY MARK TWAIN.


The first notice that was taken of me
when / "settled down." recently, was by q
gentleman who said he was an assessor
and connected with the United States In
ternal Revenue Department. said l had
never heard of his branch of business be.
fore, but | was very glad to see him all the
same, --would he sit down? He sat down
| did not know anything particular to say
and yet | felt that people who have arrived
at the dignity of keeping house must be
conversational, must be easy and sociable
in company So in default of anything
else to say, asked him if he was opening
his shop in our neighborhood.
He said he was. | did not wish to APP
pear ignorant, but had hoped he would
mention what he had for sale.
venturcd to ask him chow was trade ~
and he said "So-so."
| then said we would drop in, and if VIC
liked his house as well as any other, We
would give him our custom.
He said he thought we would like his
establishment well enough to confne our
selves to it--and he never saw anybody
who would go off and hunt up another man
in his line after trading with him once
= That sounded pretty complacent, but
barring that natural expression of vii
lainy which we all have, the man looked
honest enough.
/ do not know how it came about, exact
ly, but gradually we appeared to melt
down and run together, conversationally
speaking, and then everything went along
as comfortably as clockwork.
We talked, and talked, and talked--at
least did. And we laughed, and laughed
and laughed-at least he did. But all the
time, | had my presence of mind about me
l had my native shrewdness turned on
"tull head,' as the engineer says. l was
determined to find out all about his bust
ness, in spite of his obscure answers-and
| was determined | would have it out OF
him without his suspecting what | was at
| meant to trap him with deep, deep ruse
| would tell him all about my own bust
ness, and he would naturally SO warm to
me during this seductive burst of conf
dence that he would forget himselfand tell
me all about his affairs before he suspected
what | was about. l thought TO myself
my son, you little know what an old fox
you are dealing with. I said:
"Now you never would guess what
made lecturing this winter and last
spring 2"
"No-don't believe l could to save me-
Let me sce--let me see. About two thous.
and dollars may be? But no--no, sir,
know you couldn't have made that much
Say seventeen hundred maybe9"
"Ha-ha! knew you couldn't My lee.
turing receipts for last spring and this
winter were fourteen thousand seven hun
bred and fifteen dollars. What do you
think of that?"
"Why, it is amazing-pcrfectly amazing
will make a note of it. And you say
even this wasn't all?'
e"Ah! Why, bless you, there was my in
come from the Buffalo Express for foul
months-a about about-well, what should
you say to about eight thousand dollars
for instance?"
"Say Why | should liko.to see mysel
rolling in just such another ocean of afflu
ence. Eight thousand I'll make a note o
it. Why, man and on top of all this
am to understand that you had still more
income?"
"Ha-ha-ha Why, you're only in the sub
urbs of it, so to speak. There's my book
"The Innocents Abroad"-price $3.50 tc
81, according to the binding Listen to me
Look me in the eye. During the last foul
months and half, saying nothing of sale!
before that--but just simply during the
four months and half ending March Is
1870, we've sold ninety five thousand cop
les of that book Ninety-five thousand
Think of it, Average four dollars copy