The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-11-05
PEPPER AND SALT.
Prepared for last week but crowded out.I

'second-class blacksmith shop" known q the Re.
publican Office, having failed In the printing
trade, corn husking, &C.. are about to challenge
the little boys around town. in making mud pies
and building corn.cob houses. They are deter
mined to get first premium ON something or
die i.... Tho public square is being plowed up
and dragged. 1t will be seeded down with our ia.
vorite plant, the gympsom weed. and then. when
it is given over to the pigs as pasture, it will
belize Beemus' mouth-neat but not gaudy.
....A subscription paper is being circulated to
buy an umbrella to put up over the cornerstone
of the soldiers monument in the park. Every
time it rains. that unprotected" stone gets wet.
It would be good plan to hire special police
man, both to keep some one from stealing it for
door step some dark night, and to point its To-
cation out to strangers. 1t is q nice ornament
to the city, any how, and to lose it, would be q
heavy stroke to the city. Wen bet you! IA
Couple of gentlemen of a mathematical turn of
mind, became dry, as mathematical gentlemen
often do. They were "broke," dead-essential-
ly, particularly and unqualifedly busted as
mathematicians often are, also. They managed to
borrow q nickel cent and three cents in silver.
Provided with these slim assets, the question
was, how could they get two drinks, costing 20
cents, and pay for the same out Of their very
limited cash resources. They went to Cards,
and spread out before the astonished clerk Ii.
Quid-st, and demanded two drinks, which he gave
promptly, and when the usual motions of touch.
ing glasses, elevating the little finger gracefully
near their several noses by the respective drink.
lists, sucking the lips &c., had been finished, the
clerk demanded lG cents more change. "Why,"
responded one Of the gents "see here, We have
given you nickel coin that contains IS cents
worth Of gold, cents worth Of zinc, cents
worth OF nickel, and on its face demands cent,
which the government stands pledged to pay on
presentation; these sums added make 90 cents
We have also given you cents in coin, alto.
gether amounting to "a cents. We have had
two drinks worth 20 cents, leaving 4 cents due,
and as / see cents on the counter will take il.
which makes US even. Suiting the action to the
word they took the cents which they had orig.
lnay rendered and bowling blandly, de.
parted That bartender has bought an arith-
metic, slate, piece of chalk and a gross of
o
o'nights trying to figure out how much he made
on those drinks 80. DR.. Olin has a new set of
surgical Instruments and he is very anxious 70
use them all on one subject. He offered US
dime the other day to try them on US. He said
he could cut US UP into mince meat in twenty
minutes, put US together again in ten more, and
in few weeks we would be as we'll as ever and
twice as pretty We excused him and went
away from him. His intentions may have been
strictly honorabl., but We thought rather too ia
mliar 80. Haskell, the matchmaker, is the most
cents.ib!e man We know Of He has three OF
four hundred specimens Of copper coins, some Of
them dated away back at about the time Adam
got married 1t was not Henry Washer, but
our young friend, Walter Strawn who gave us a
look at the prodigious sweet potatoes mentioned
last week. The type got the names mixed. We
spologize-if We have done anything We are sor.
~ for we are glad of it We call the atten.
ton Of the city council to the existence Of q
nuisance on Lafayette street. near the new rail.
road. There is large goose pond, or rather
chain of demonstrating from the railroad track
to the bridge Those ponds are constantly filled
with water. We live on the south side of these
ponds. The saloon where We get our morning
nips is north Of them. We have ne boat, and it
is q long way around We want the city council
to move the ponds, or move the saloon over them,
otherwise in our dry desperation we shall be
compelled to get up petition to abate the coua.
Gil as nuisance, impeach the mayor, imprison
the street committee, hang the marshal and
drown the street commissioner, &c. all of which
is respectfully submitted 80. The whole town
has been full Of pretty "school msrms" all this
week, and, as natural consequence, the boys 20
about signing like furnaces, making odes to the
moon, writing poetry about the stars, wearing
flowers in their button holes, carrying there hands
where their hearts were before the fair school
Inarms" stole them away, looking pensive and
foolish. Even We have been awakened up nights
by our indignant partner, and asked in a very
indignant and shrill voice: "Say you, what do
you mean by raving in your sleep about angelic
school marms, for-he ~. "A dry squad Of some
twenty went into saloon lately and got 81
worth of wet groceries, aud when asked for
money, one fellow coolly produced a piece of pa
per and pencil, aud figured up the interest on
81 for six months. According to his calculation
it amounted to fourteen cents. This he offered
to the bewildered Teutonic gentleman, remark.
ing that "this crowd do strict business. No bu.
siness man will refuse interest in advance on
L.. i