The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1870-08-01
sAxaY JOURNAL
MONDAY, AUGUST /. 1870.
TIT BITS.

Who is the straightest man men
toned IN the Bible2 Joseph, because
Pharaoh made a ruler of him.
Letters, like fashionable young la
dies, must have stamps before the
mails (males) will take them.
Sydney Smith used to object to writ
ten sermons on the ground that indig-
nation a week old had no effect.
An exchange, wishing to avoid
slang, d~elicately advises its beligerant
Deig1bor to initiate the example of
the rivulet in time of a drought"
A poet wrote of his departed love.
He will hallow her grave with our
tears" but the wicked printer set it
up, 1--WE will harrow her grave with
our steers"
The Boston Post wants to know if
she new London play of CLAN" is
brought out IN this country, whether
the general utility man will be known
as "Clam Supe?'
Dr.. Ball says sponge beds are heal.
thy. We know a man who has spoDged
beds, and even sponged his meals, for
five years, and he isn't so very healthy
except at meal times.
A young lady who was rebuked by
her mother for kissing her intended,
justified the act by quoting the pas
sage: "Whatsoever ye would that
men should do unto you, do We even
SO to them"
The answer lately given in a French
court by a prisoner accused of almost
cutting his wife to pieces, was, with a
smile, well, Monsieur President,
you know every one has his little fail
ing"
An excellent old deacon, who, ha7-
ing won a fue turkey at a charity rRf-
he, didn't like to tell his severely or
thodox wife how he came by it, quiet
" remarked, as he handed her the
fowl, that the Shakers gave it to
him.
An advertisement was sant to the
Cleveland Herald Office. on Sunday
night, in which occurred the words,
The Christians Dream: No Cross,
No Crown" The printer made it
read, THE Christians Dream, No
CO10s, No Cream!"
At a Sunday School in Ripon a
teacher asked a little boy If he knew
what the expression Sowing tares"
meant. "Courth | does" said he,
pulling the seat of bis little brooches
around in front, There's a tear my ma
seWed. l feared it sliding down hill"
A lovely girl in Wisconsin recover
en- $40 damages In a breach of prom.
Use suit against a ~perfdIous lover. Her
lawyer congratulated her on the
amount, when she exclaimed, with a
ferocious glance at the mulcted defen-
dant. aud nervously clutching her fin
gers, "I'd give every penny of it Just
to have M good pull at his hair"
A citizen Of Massachusetts, learn
ing, during a temporary absence from
home, that a somewhat prominent but
unpopular fellow toWnsman had been
struck with paralysis, did not seem
very sad at the intelligence. Why"
said his informant. The is half dead"
well" was the reply, that is better
than nothing!"
A man was tried for stealing a pair
of boots from a shop door in Grand
street, with which he ran away. The
Judge said to the witness who had
seized the prisoner, What did he say
when you caught him?' Witness
Your Honor, he said he took the
did be carry the Joker" Witness
About forty yards, please your
Honor.
An editor Of a country paper, hav-
ing lent an axe to one of bis subscri-
bers, the borrower unfortunately
broke the handle. On returning it, the
mau said, You can easily get it fix
ed" Yes" replied the editor, but
that will cost at least a quarter of a
dollar" We'll" rejoined the borrow
err, IF you amt rather small for an
editor! Here's the quarter, but I'll
thank you to stop my paper at once
A certain town near providence has
an exceedingly c%onsiderate man. The
other morning he awoke to find his
house on fire. Partially dressing him
self he ran across the street. tlmidly
ruug his neighbours door bell, and pa
tiently waited for some n to answer
the summons. After a little the man
of the house" appeared. and the tlmid
man said, Il do not wish to create an
unnecessary alarm, but my house is on
fire."
At Columbus, O., lives a Mr.. H.,
who has a reputation for the gift OF
PRAYER" During a revival in the
church to which he belongs, he set IL
for a special effort, when the pastor
suddenly recoliected that at that hour
g o'clock, he had promised to marry
a couple two Gquares away. He ven.
tured to leave the church, seeing tina
Brother 81. had set in for a regular
"Wrestle,' and actually went two
squares, married the couple, and got
back just in time to hear brother HIS
FINALLY, 0 Lord!'
At a recent examination of an in
fant school after questions had beer
put about the Rs and the proficienc,
of the juveniles hal been creditabl!
established, the teacher addressed ONT
little class with the inquiry, "Wha
are cows good for?" A little hanC
was Immediately raised to show tina
an answer was ready, which was to tn
effect that COWS were good for milk
Another answer was that cows wer
good to eat. Alter a moments paus
a small hand went up with a tremen
dous energy. well Johnny, wha
is it?" Their shtomacth are goo
for tripe," shouted the young savan'
Sin continues to pervade certai
parts of Iowa. though vigorous effort
are made to extirpate 1t. A praise
worthy effort In that direction wa
made recently in Que of the enterpris
ing towns of that State. A prominer
banker, noted for exacting more tha
legal ''usance'' on loans, was active q
a revival, and, while wrestling in pray
er. bescught the Lord to humble th
rebellious spirit of sinners, that the
-inh+ tnka marc Interest in sarinr