The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1870-06-23

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ned to see the creature had beg0tter 70
pull down the wonder business with and
bring > r sion upon it, calmly to fhe grand
! chlet place III the list Of the genuine mar
veis our Nevada had produced. | was SO
disappointed at the curious miscarriage OF
ny scheme that at first was angry and
aid not Ike 10 ,hink about 1t; but 10y and by
when the exchanges began to come in with
the PctE.hed Man copied and guile sly GLE
rlHed, / began to feel soothing secret
! satisfaction, aud as my gentleman : field
of travel braadeaed, ana by the oXcLa0ga,
| saw that be steadily and implacab'y pea
+ etrated territory after territory, state al er
state, and land after land, till he sv7 the
great globe aGd cuimina,ed in sublime and
unlmpeached legitimacy in the august
London Lancet, my cup Wis lal. and /.
/ said | was glad | had done II. think
:hat for about eleven months. j. nearly as
can remember, Mr.. Slwel's daily mail
contained along In the acIghtorhood Of half
bu7Lel at newspapers hall'ng from many
cimes with the PctrGad Man in them
marked around with a prominent belt of
ink. L sent them to him | did il for
spite, and for fun. lie used % shovel them
,nt0 his back yard and curse. And every
day duung all those months the miners
hls constituents .ar miners reyer quit iuk~
ing a person when they get started, would
call on him aul ask If he could tell them
where they cauiI get hold OF paper with
the Petrtiej Man liz it, lie could have
accommodate continent with them.
hated SeTa.l IN those days, ana these
things pacGel NE aad pleased me. | could
not have gotten more real comfort out OF
him without killing. him.
Ny FAMOUS |BLCOpY MASSACRE.
The other burlosque [ have referred to
was my Gne satire upon the expedient OF
1 cooking dividends, thing which became
shamelUily frequent ON the Pacific coast
Once more IN my mpacent simplicity
| felt that the time had arrived for me to
rise up and be IA re.ormer. ! put this re
tormat5ry satire in the share Of fearful
Massacre at Empire City" The San
Francisco papers were making q great out
cry about tie Daaey Silver VI ming Com
pany, whose directors had declared a cook
ed, or false, dividend, FIR the purpose Of
increasing the value Of their stock, so that
they could sell out at 4 comfortable figure
and then scramble from under the tumbing
concern. And, while abusing the Dlncy,
those papers did not forget 10 urge the
public to get rid Of all their silver stocks and
'
any, etc. BuJ right at this unfortunate
junctue behold the Spring Valley cooked
a dlyld end too, And so, under the In-id
ious mask OF an envented "bloody nas<i
ere, / sto upon the uubic unawares with
my scathIug satire ugon the dividend cook
ing system. In about half a column Of
imaginary inhuman carnage | told how
citizen had murdered his wife aud nine
children and then committed suicide. And
| sand siyIy at the bottom, that the sudden
madness Of which this melancholy massa>
ere was the result, had been brought about
rs his having allowed himself to be per
suaded by the California pape.- % sell his
sound and lucrative Nevada silver stocks
and buy into Spring Valley Just in time to
get cooked along with that company fancy
dividend, and sink every cent he hal III
the world. An, it Tas a deep satire, and
most lngeniousiy contriyed. But | made
the horrible details 50 carefully and con
sclentlOus.y interesting that the public
SIMPLY deyuU3cj them gfCedly, and wholly
oyer,Ogkd the following distinctly stated
facts, t0-Wit: The murderer was perfectly
well known to every creature IN the land as
a achclor, ana consequently he could not
murder his wife and nine chiireu; he inur
dGrcd them ia his splendid dressed stone
mansion just 10 the edge ot the great plna
forest between Empire City anl Dutch
Nick ;, when even the very pi.kled oys-
terS that came on our tables knew that
there was not a dressed stone mansion
IN all Nevada Territory; also, that so far
from their being a great pine forest be
tween Empire City and Dutch Nick 5,
there WASH t solitary tree within fifteen
miles Of either place; and, finally, it was
NJ a no iqf { al
Dutch Nlck's were one and the same place
and contained only six houses anyhow, and
consequently there could be no forest be-
tween them; and on top of all these sub
sGrdities, | stated that this diab0lical mur
derer, after infijcling wound upon himself
that the rea4A ought to have seen would
have Killed an elephant in the twIE,.lag OF
an eye, Jumped on his horse and rode t0Hr
mites, waving MS wife ) III a.Hg scalp in
the air, and thus perl5rmiaz autercd Car
son City with tremenions acttt, and dgop-
pedead in front of.tho chief saloon the envy
and admiration Of ELL j., G3,ders.
Well in all my ste ] never saw anything
Ike the sensation ;aa. .a.s satire created.
1t was the talk Of IRE -4w9, K was the talk
Of the Territory. MIST %. he citizens drop
ped gently into il at brea aia5t, and they
never finished their meal There was some
thing about hete miuu,cy~faithfGl details
that was sat!i mt SUBS titUte for food -
Few people that were a1le 10 read took
food that morning. Dan and [ (Dan was
my repol.nF.a. a>sGciate) took our meals on
either SIDE # our customary table in the
Eagle ttesgaurant, and as | Enfoded the
shred they used to call a napkin in that
establishment, | saw at the table two stall
wart innocents with that sort Of vegetable
dandruif SpriDEled about their clothing
which vas the sign and evidence that they
were in from the Tfukee with load of hay
The one facing me had the morning paper
folded 70 long. narrow strip and | knew,
without any telling, that that strip repre-
sented the column that contained my pleas
ant financial satire. From the way he wa S
exci;edly mumbling, | saw that the heed
less son OF a haYmow was skipping with all
his might, IN order to get to the bloody
details as quickly az possible; and 50 he was
missing the guide boards | had set up to
warn hlm that the whole thing was a fraud
Presently his eyes spread wide open, jast
aS his jaws swung assunder to take IN p0>
tatO approaching it on fork: the potato
halted, the face lit up redly. and the whole
man was on fire with excitement. Then he
broke into eiSointed chacking-)tf OF tie
PIrticulars-his potato cooling IL mid arr