The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1870-03-04
Josh Billings Papers.
MARRIAGE.

MARRIAGE.
Marriage is fair transaction OIL the
face ov it. ID.
But there IL quite too often put up
jobs in it. h
1t is an old institushun, older than
the pyramids, and as phull Ov hyrO-
gIipiicks that noboddy Kan parse.
History holds its tongue who the pair
waz who ftist put on the silken har-
ness, and promised tew work kind in
it, thru thick and thin, up hill and
down, and on the level, rain or shine,
survive or perish, sink or swim, drown
or fiote.
But whoever they waz they must
hav made good thing out Ov it, or 50
menny ov their pOsterity would. not
hav harnessed up since and drOv out.
Thare is a crate moral grip i'm mar
riage; it liz the mortar that holds the
soshull bricks together. LL
But there amt but darn few pholks,
who put their money i'm matrimony
who could set down and Civ good
written opinyun whi on arth they cum
to did it.
This liz a CRATE proof that ii liz one Ov
them natral kind ov aeksidents that
must happen, jist az birds fly out ov
the nest, when they hav feathers enllff,
without being able tew tell why.
Sum marry for buty, and never dis
koyer their mistake; this IL lucky.
Sum marry for money, and-dOn't
see ii. - .7 n-
Sum marry for pedigree, and feel big
for six months, and theh very sensibly
g. al hnf srvro
ain't no better than skim milk.
Sum marry tew pleze their relashuns
and are surprised few learn that their
relashuns don't care clss for them
afterwards. - --.,E .tls.as.5
Sum marry bekause they hav been
highsted sum WHARF else; this IL cross
match, bay and a sorrel; pride may
make it endurable. - -.
Sum marry for love without a cent
in their pocket, nor friend i'm the
world, nor q drop Oy pedigree. This
looks desperate, but IL IL the strength cf
the game. -
If marrying for love aint suckcess,
then matrimony IL ded beet.
Sum marry bekause they think VIM
min will be skarse next year, and iiv
tew wonder how the crop holds out.
Sum marry tew git rid Ov themselfs,
a nd diskover that the game waz one
that two could play at, and neither
win.
Sum marry the seckond time to git
even, and find it gambling game, the
more they put down, the less they take
up. ,r,
Sum marry tew be happy, and not
oil Iaa,
ness goes to when it dies.
Sum marry, they kant tell viii, and
liv, they kant tell how.
Almoste every boldly gifts married,
ard it IL a good joke.
Sum marry in haste, and then set
down and think it careful over.
Sum think il over careful fiISt and
then set down and marry.
Both ways are right, if they bit the
mark.
Stun marry rakes tew convert them.
This liz little risky, and takes smart
missionary to do il.
Sum marry coquetts. This IL like
buying a poor farm, heavily mOrgaged,
and working tie balance ov yuTe days
tew clear Oph the mortgages.
Married fife haz its chances, and this
liz just what givs it its favour. Every
boldly luvs tew pl,ool with the chances,
bekause every bodily expects tew win.
But | am authorized tew state that ev-
eryboddy don't win.
But, after all, married life liz full az
certain AZ the dry gOOds Dizziness.
No man kan swear exactly where he
will fetch up when he touches calico.
Kno man kan tell jist what calico
liaz made up its mind tew do next.
Calico don't knO even herself.
Dri goods ov all kinds iz the child ov
circumstansis. = .-.r Z s...s
sum never marry, hut this iz jist az
risky, the diseaze liz the same, with no
other name to 1t.
The man who stands ON the hank
shivvering, and dassent, IL more apt
tew ketch cold, than him who pitches
hiz he'd flst into the river.
Thare IL but phew who never marry
bekauze they Won't, they all banker,
and most oy them starye with slices Ov
bread before them (spread on both
sides, jist for the lack of grit.
Marry y,tsg! IL mi motto.
I hav tried it, and knO what 1 am
talkin about.
If emmy boldly asks yu viii yu got
marrid, (ifitneeds be, tell him ya don't
recoiiekt.
Marriage liz safe way tew gamble, if
yu win, yu win pile, and if yu lose yn
don't loze emmy thing, only the privil-
eye ov living dismalIy alone, and soak
ing yure own feet.
l repeat it, I'M italicks, marry !ywag
Thare liz but one good excuse for a
marriage late in life, and that id
second DaUTTiQ0e.