Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1870-06-09
INSTANTANEOUS TTEMS.

@ - y - W
heads are better Than one.
RATIoNs that one can seldom live upon
Aspirations.
"IsEE you're on the WATCH as the
thief said to the guard chain. Z
THE man who had a cloud upon his
brow has since been mist. ~
PUBLIC SPIRTr-Readiness to do sany-
thing which is likely to prove lucrative.
TIE rates of the Washington Life are
the same as other good companies.
WHEN a married man becomes corned,
it is perfectly proper for his wife to pull
his ears. 30 ~
RUMoR liza vagrant without a home,
and lives upon what it kan pick up
Billings.
LARGE numbers are already securing
board for the Musical Institute to be held
In Chicago the last of August.
DARLING, it's bedtime. All theslittle
chickens have gone to bed mann
ma, so has the old hen"
THoUGH money may be the root of
evil" yet it is a |" roo" that we all like to
see grow on our hands.
DoBBs says he would have died of yell
low fever in August if it hadn't been for
one thing the doctors gave him up. 2
THE types made one of the Troy papers
inform its readers that the polls would be
open from shutdown to sunset"
INSURE your life for the amount of the
mortgage on your house, in the Washing
ton Life Insurance Company, OF New
York.
An exchange thinks it rather embarras-
sing to lift your hat to a lady, and have a
couple of dirty collars roll out upon the
walk. ar
SNooPs says, if you wish to recollect a
mans name, go security for his house
rent. For keeping your memory fresh,
there is nothing like this plan.
A LADY, in trying to cur her husband
of smoking, has learned to smoke the
weed herself and complains that ait is
rather an expensive habitfor two"
JOSH BILLINGS says tt;Give the devil
his dues" reads well enough in a proverb I;
but what will become NV you and me if
this arrangement is carried out3n",mA
COMMISSIONER DELANo has IeceEedHn
inquiry from a Western genius, who van
to know if the currency found with bis
five-cent tobacco should be included inhg
income return. -
NOT bad fora little girl of ten, whose,
knowledge of geography isssomewhat 1ms
perfect. On hearing her father speakaof
going to the polls to vote, she very inno-
Gently inquired if the people ofthe tropics
voted at the equator: -
"A DANBURY, C6nn., fisherman, who
baited his hook with a. small frog, and,
after conversing with-a o~pmpanionsa few
minutes, found that his lively bait had
swan ashore~and was Sitting quietly on
b rock by his side, wound up his line,
and went home.
A LADY in Bangor, Me-, who directed a
servant to take out and clean the win
dows in an upper story, was Intensely
disguised when, on makinga visit for in
spection, she found that Bridget had re-
moved every pane ofglass from the sashes
and neatly washed and piled them o.
the floor. 80,
A PAINTER, who had been employed.to
psint the hull of q steamer, did not paint
1t close enough to the water line by about
eight inches. The mistake was pointed
out to him, n he said: "I painted il
close to the water, but tine tide went out
last night, and 1 could not prevent the
water from falling" A#SSS ~.
A LADYemade q call upon q friend who
had recently been married. When her
husband came to dinner she said, %Fve
beer to Mrs-asn Z" We'll" replied the
husband,ssI suppose she is very happy
"HappyT Well, T should think d eought
to be she hasa camers. hair shawl, two
thirds border.n erc 81 ek4i-s
"MAMnEA,,'' said q little fellow, whose
mother had forbidden him to draw horses
and ships on the mahogany sideboarc
with a sharp nail ; "Mamma, this Amt {
nice house AZ Sam Rackett's we can GU
the sofa and pull out the hair, and ride
the shovel and topgs over the carpet; bu'
here we.can't have any fun at all"
In a little Western town alady teacher
was exercising a class of Juveniles il
question, eff you buy, a COW for ten dol
lars" when up came a little hand
What is it, Johnny ?" ",Why you can'
buy no kind ofsSa COW for ten dollars
father cold one for sixty dollars the -othe
day, and she was a regular old scrub a
that p" saw
A FRIEND was complaining to Colonial
that he should be compelled to change hi
tailor, as he found that a suit of clothe
would not last him above half the time tba
Sit ought to do and inquired if he coulC
recommend hun any place where heseop,
meet with apparel more durable. " Yes,
said Coleman, Il recommend you t.
chancery and there you may have a sui
that viii last you your hfetime,p 4
A sALooN KEEPER of questionable hon
esty went TO . lawyer to shm
about commencing an action of defama
ton against a, fellow townsman. 9Th
scoundrel," said he, fercely, b robbed
me of my characterr = Ali has her
torney; eff so, for heavens sake let hin
go, for its the luckiest thing that ever hap
pened to you'll" =
THREE things arlady cannot do; 1, Sh'
cannot pass a millinery-shop withou
stopping 2. She cannot see a piece o
lace without asking the price. 8. Shl
cannot, see q baby without kissing it. Tt
this a lady retorts as follows: Tire
things a gentleman cannot do. 1. He can
not go through the house and shut tn
doors after him. 2. He cannot have a shir
made to suit him.. g. He can never b
satisfied with the ladies' fashion. =, ~
THE poet Gray was VIGOROUSLY fearful
of fire, andkept a ladder, of ropes in hi
bedroomrSS9Re mischieyous young mel
from below in the middle of q dark night
with the 6rySeKafe T The staircase, the
said, was in flames. Up went the window
and down he csme on his rope ladder, a
fast as he could, into a tub of water, which
was placed there to receive him.. He wa
put out. --r,sF s-U H
When 1 was teaching in-Seminary
1 boarded with an old lady who had al
opinion on every subject and expressed ii
One night a train ran of the track nea
by, and in consequence there was. a dea
of whistling.y Next morning the oil