Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1870-05-31
Why Aunt Sally Never Married.

you We're engaged to minister, anC
promised that you would tell US al
about it sometime. Now, amt
please do"
"Well, if ever did see such girl,
in all my born days. It's tease, tease
from morning till night, but what
you must know everything that you
haven't any business to know any
thing about. Such inquisitive, pest
iferons critters as you are When !
was young, girls was different they
minded their own business, they
didn't go sailing around with whole
string Of beaux, getting their head:
filled with ali kind of nonsense.
never dared to ask my aunts, mar,
ried or single, about any of their af
fairs. Pretty mess I'd got in if | had
When they offered to tell me any
thing OF their own accord, | kept my
mouth shut and listened. Every
thing is different nowadays young
folks have no respect for their elders,
But as | see | am not going to have
any peace till do tell, why just list
en-, and don't let me hear word out
of one of your mouths till l get
through"
"That's right, Aunt Sally, go right
ahead, do, and we will keep perfectly
still"
"Well, you see, when | was about
seventeen years old, | was living In
Utica, in the State of New York.
Though l say it myself, I was quite
a good looking girl then, and had
several beaux. The one that took
my fancy most was young minister,
a very promising young man, and
remarkably pious and steady. He
thought good deal OF me, and l had
kind of fancy to him, and things
ran on till we were engaged.
One evening he came to mel re-
member it as well as if it were only
yesterday. When he came into the
parlor, where l was sitting alone, be
came up to me and-but now
pshaw girls, | don't like to tell the
rest"
"Oh, Aunt Sally, for mercy's sake
dout stop tell US what he did"
"Well, as | said, he came up to me
and put his arms around me, and
rather Rugged me, while | got ex-
cited and some frustrated, and it was
a long time ago, and | don't know
but what | might have Rugged him
back little. Then / felt-but now
clear out every one Of you, shan't
tell you any more"
Goodness, gracious, do, Aunt
Sally, tell us how you felt. Didn't
you feel good and what did he do
nextg"
"Oh, such torments as you are
| was like any other girl, and pretty
soon | pretended to be mad about it,
and pushed him away, though !
wasn't mad bit. You must know
that the house where l lived was on
one Of the back streets of the town.
There were windows in the parlor,
which opened right over the street,
and no balcony or anything of the
kind in front of the house. As it
was in the summer season these
doors were opened and shutters just
drawn to. stepped back a little
from him, and when he edged up
close pushed him away again. l
pushed harder than | intended to,
and don't you think, girls, the poor
fellow lost his balance, aud fell
through one of the doors into the
street2 As he fell gave a scream
and caught him-but ! declare |
won't tell ally moro. I'm going to
leave the room"
"No, no, Aunt Sally How did
you catch him? Did it hurt him
much ?"
"Well, if | must, l must He fell
head first, and as he was going |
caught him by the legs Of his trows-
ers. [ held on for a minute and
tried to pull him back, but his sus-
penders gave way, and the poor
young man fell clear out of his pan
falcons into a whole parcel of young
ladies and gentlemen passing on the
street"
"Oh, Aunty, Aunty, Lordy, Lordyl
He, be, he ~
"There, that's right; giggle and
squeal as much as you want to. Girls
that can't hear about little thing
like that without tearing around the
room, and he-he-ing in such a way,
don't know enough to come home
when it rains. A nice time the man
that marries one of you will have
won't he? Catch me telling any
thing again"
"But, Aunt Sally what became of
him? Did you ever see him again ?"
"No, the moment he touched the
ground he got up and left that place
in terrible hurry. / toll you it was
q sight to be remembered, to see h.
that man did run. Father happened
to be coming up the street at the
time. and he said be never saw any
thing TO equal it in his whole life. |
heard others say that he did the fast
est running ever known in that part
of the country, and that be never
stopped or looked behind until he
was two miles out Of town. He sent
me a note few days afterwards
saying that the engagement must be
broken off, as he never could look
me in the face again after what bad
happened. He went out west, and |
believe he is preaching in Illinois.
But he never married. He was very
modest, and | suppose he was so
badly frightened that be never dared
trust himself near a woman again
That, girls, is the reason / never
married. ] felt very bad about it
for long time, he was a real good
man, and i have often thought to
myself that we should have been
happy If his suSpenderS hadn't gtUen
ray"
TT Hon. Byron Paine said in a
certain case, Railroads anticipate
and protract the seasons-they en-