The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1870-04-14
Gales, skettbts, 5n5t0otts, Gt.
FUNERAL sECREls.

Our ride with tie undertaken came
about in this wise: The undertaken un>
dertook TO undertake for a friend Of ours.
aud as he was going NJ town in a carr
ridee on preliminary visit to Greenwood,
he offered TO take US along as far rs our
oilice which was as far as we should
care TO go with him or any ether under
taker in the direction he was bound-and
we accepted the offer. We had hardly
GOT under way, when the undertaken
pointed TO an elegant brown stone man
sion, and remarked;
You see that house there Well, /
had the nea:est job in that house you
ever saw. They were twins-girls-thir-
teen years old d-lovely died Of scarlet
fever both expired At the same moment:
sentimental case-born together and died
together impressive lesson-very The
parents were inconsolable and rich Left
the whole thing TO me no limit on ex
pense that's the sort. / did my best
got up original designs great chance, you
sce-twins, both in one coffin; united in
life and united in death; sentiment grief;
lois of Tin and my taste and experience
1t was grand ; handsome spectacle hand
some profits; handsome thing all around"
BY this time we had turned into Sixth
avenue, and the undertaken, pointing TO a
corner grocery of large dimensions said:
The man who keeps that grocery has
a good notion of a funeral 1t was seven
years ago, and his only daughter. She
was eighteen was engaged to be married;
lover IN the city government, and the
father expected a contract. But the girls
death upset everything, pickirgs and steal
ings included. 1t was terrible blow, and
the funeral was accol ding; no expense
spared fire company out in full force
big thing"
Here the undertaken bowed to a fat
man who passed US in a buggy, and then
said, by way Of explanation
81 buried his wife four months ago.
Have been friends ever since.''
A few moments afterwards we struck
into Broadway, where it crosses the Sixth
avenue, and as we passed Twenty -ninth
street the undertaken pointed to that thor
ouqhfare on the east, and said
Il once had big thing over there
Rich couple hated one another man
died wife wanted to make big show of
grief; made over 3, 900 clean cash on
the Job. But the man was handsomely
buried he couldn't have asked for any
thing better it he'd known what was going
en- True affection and real heart grief
are good for our profession; but, after all,
there's nothing like rich people that hate
one another, for an undertaker."
GLOW so g. we asked
"Why, it stands to reason and human
nature Here's couple that have lots of
money and misery. They wish one an
other dead, and all at once off one of 'em
goes The others kind frightened, and
wants to show grief, and having no grief
to show, falls back on nothing but show,
and depends on the undertaken to bring
out the emblems of sorrow in stunning
style. Don't you see ?'
We pretended not to see, affected to
disbelieye that such things ever occur in
real life, whereat the undertaken waxed
warm, and exclaimed:
''But tell you such cases are common.
Here, driver, turn down Fifth auenue.-
Come now, I'll show you where one of
! those very cases did occur. You see that
house there, just out of the avenue, in
years ago rich man lived and died there
He and his wife hated eacEother like poi>
son. She had lover That always
| makes matters worse for tho family, but