Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1870-08-25
JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS.
PLUM PITS.

A man with few brains is like dorg
with one flea on him; dredful oneazy.
Ihave alwuz noticed when an individ-
ual haint got the ability to criticlse
iudiciously, he dams indiskriminately.
What do you bet Fame IL? bet it is
climeing creased pole to win purs OF
10 dollars, and splicing suit Nv clothes
worth fifteen.
New York is fast place. If a man
pulIs7out on phuneral procession, jist
az likely az not the whole procession,
led by the hearse hoss, will strike a 2:4O
gait and leave him tew take their dust.
Ambishun IL like hunger--it obeys no
law but its appetight.
Thare liz no medicine like a good joke;
it il silver-coated pill that frolicks and
and phisicks on the run.
Beauty liz morning dream which the
breakfast bell puts an end to.
The man who never makes any blum
ders will never rise in the esteem ov the
world abuv the reputashun ov a good
guide-board.
Making an entry of charitys on our
worldly ledger il sure way tew hav
our whole account thrown out at the
judgement day.
don't want emmy better proof ov a
GOOD hod-carrier than to hear another
hod-carrier say, HE liz a cussed phool
and don't understand his Dizziness"
A good book liz like a good law.
Poverty and ritches are mere imagina-
tive distinkshuns. The man who can
eat hiz bread and be happy liz certainly
ritcher than he who kant eat it unless it
is spred with butter.
Fortune liz like mirror, it don't alter
men, it only shows them just as they are.
Dandys are hybrid, cross between a
fashion plate and an unpaid taylor's bill.
neve knew but one infidel in mi life
and he had not more courage than haff
drowned kitten jist pulled out ov swill
barrel, and wuz az afraid tew die az the
devil would be if he waz allowed TO visit
this earth for short season to recruit
himself.
At the present advance of intelektual
refinement, philosophy will prove faith
to be force-Adam relick-this world
the work of an arthquake-the Bible
tale ov credulity, and the Almighty
nothing more than an honorary menI-
ber ov the CRATE college of science and
art. ei9
Debt liz trap which man sets and
bats himself and then deliberately gifts
into.
Diseaze and pills, when they enter a
mans boldly, are like two lawyers when
they undertake to settle his affairs, they
compromise the matter by laying out
the patient.
One good way know ov to find hap
piness iz not by boreing hole to fit the
plugg. but by making plugg to fit the
hole. -
A lie liz like enitro-glycerine. the best ov
judges, kant tell when it liz going tew
bust and scatter confushun.
A kicking COW never let's drive until
fist az the pale iz full, and seIdum misses
the mark; it is jistso with some mems
blunders.
Az the flint contains the spark, un-
known tew itself, which the steel alone
can wake into like, so adversely often
reveals tew us hidden gems which pros
perlto or negligence would forever hav
hid.
About one haff the pity in this world
il not the result of sorrow, but satisfac-
shun that it amt our hoss that haz had
hiz leg broke.
Most people when they cum tew yu
for advice aim tew have their own opin
yuns strengthened, not correkted.
Men seem to me, nowadays, tew be
divided into slow Christians and wide
awake sinners.
Thare liz lots ov folks who are like q
pump, not ov enny use tew themselfs,
but simply a handle and suckshun fol
others.
All happiness il like gold in quartz
thare liz four quarts ov stone to one ounce
ov gold.
Hope and Debt are partners in trade
Hope hunts up the customers and Debt
skins them.
Hunger is slut hound on fresh
track.
Toll SWEETS at the brow, but fdleness
swets all over.
Dispair liz the ashes of hope, which
tho wind of tribulashun skaters.
A man haz got about done going down
hill when he gits'whar he brags on hi
lazyness; such kritter liz ov no more
use tew himself nor others than frozer
tew death rooster in barn-yard.
He who spends all hiz substance II