Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-03-18
III ssss7OP.

ladies of the lower parlor."
The ''lifting cure" for depression-raising
greenbacks to par.
A remedy for low spirits (mental and
alcoholic)-an increase of duties.
The Prince Imperial is taking lessons in
fencing, and his father came very near ia
king one in barricadiug the other day
.*She Stops to Conquer has run one
hundred nights in a London theatre, and by
this time she ought to have done it.
Letters-like fashionable young ladies'
must have the stamps before the mails
(males) will take them.
(Which can travel the fastest, heat or
coldw Why, you Ounce! Can't anybody
catch cold
4 man who lives on the interest of his
money, may be said to be resting on his
overs.
The man who went hunting all day in
Maine, last week, didn't freeze to death,
though he came home with nothing but a
bear-skin.
An old lady on train, not far from La
fayette. hearing the brakeman sing out,
''Eubank's Cut !" sailed to the door. and
asked, SIS he hurt much
Teacher. 'Boy at the foot. spell ad-
mittance." Boy: ga d-m-i-t-t-a-n-c-e.
admittance." Teacher: "Give the def
milton" Boy: Fifty cents, niggers and
children half price"
No man can do any thing against his
WILL said a metaphysician to an Irishman.
BY iabersr! said Pat, L had a brother that
went to Jail, an faith, l know it was great
ly against his own will
A blushing damsel called at one Of the
agencies the other day to buy a sewing ma
chine. "Do you want a Teller ?" inquired
the modest clerk in attendance. The in
g%enious maid replied with some asperity;
"No, sir; [ have one
A countrymen stopped at a telegraph
window, where a young lady was receiving
dispatches, and after looking on a moment,
called to his companion: ''Say, Bill, just
come here and see 'em make paper collars.
Don't she know her biz, hey. Bill
An up-country girl stepped to the window
of the post office III a Long Island village a
few days since and asked for a letter. To
what name?' was the inquiry. what name?
inquired the damsel in a rage You are
mighty inquisitive to b, surcH and out she
tioanced.
\ wealthy gentleman died up in Eastou
d few days ago, and just before the spark Of
life was quenched he worked off these last
words: Bury me next Sunday, and don't
cart me around for a side show like old Pea
body" He is now tucked in snugly under
green bedclothes.
-'Dcy does say, dat way down in Georgia
dey make poor nigga work twenty-five hours
ebry day" New look hea, Use been told
dat Il day hasn't got no more nor twenty-four
hours 'What an ignoramus nigga you
is, Scipio why way down dar dey make poor
nigga get up one hour fore d~ay--doesnt
dat make 'em twenty-five z
Now, sposen you was to be turned into
al huit1idi, SdlI oiUn Wuub WUulu YOU
like to be Bill?" ''Oh. I'd be d lion" re-
piled Bill, because he is SO -. oh, no
don't be a lion, Bill interrupted little Tom
who had some recent painful experience at
school, ''be a wasp, and then you can sting
the schoolmaster."
4 distinguished gentleman of Virginia
remarked the other day, that he didn't care
whether they removed his disabilities or not
that all he wanted was the removal of his
H;abittics
Our devil says it they would remove the
Liabilities of some he knows of there would
be nothing left of the in 'ividuals.
Who is our Shepherd 2 inquired a Sum-
day school teacher of her class.
Jesus
'Who are Christ's lambs ?
I'VE are
10 test the reasoning capacity o: the lit
tie urchins
If the children are the lambs, what are
the grown up folks 2
They are the old bucks p said a bright
eyed little shaver.
IN irascible old gent, who formerly held
the position Of Justice of the Peace, was
one day accosted in the street by a youth,
in a manner that did not come M to his
honor's idea of respect due him. young
man." said he, II fine you s. for contempt
of court"
"Why Judge" said the offender. ''you
are not in session."
This Court" replied the Judge, thor
oughly i%rritated, sis always in session, and
consequently always an obiec. of contempt"
WILL You TAKE A SHEEP ? Au old far
mer, about the time that the temperance
reform was beginning to exert a liealthful
influence in the country, said to his hired
man
Jonathan, I did not think to mention
TO you when I hired you, that / think of
trying to do my work this year without
rum. How much more must | give you to
induce you to do without? ?"
''0h, | don't care rauch about it," said
Jonathan. "you may give We what you
please"
swell" said the farmer, II will give
you a sheep in the fall, if you will do with
out"
Agreed" said Jonathan.
The Oldest son then said
Father, will you give me a sheep too,
If [ will do without rum %
''Yes, Marshall, you shall have a sheep
if you do without"
The youngest son, a STRIPPING, then said
Father, will you give me & sheep if
will do without 2"
Yes Chandler, you shall have a sheep
also, If you will do without rum"
Presently Chandler spoke again