Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1870-08-26
Thrilling Adventures with wild
Beasts In an Express Once.

Beasts In an Express Once.
The life Of an agent has it, dangers
and difficulties as we'll as pleasures, and
also at times is marked with thrilling e.
cape and wild adventure. The agent
that handles the packages marked "this
side up with care" and in the excitement
of business, reverses the position Of
things, stands as good chance Of being
"blown up" as he who carelessly drops
q can containing nitro-glycerine. Some
queer express matter is handled occasion.
ally, such as live rattlesnakes, marked.
"handle carefully" brace Of fancy
fowls, wild cats, cans, marked boned tur-
key, which contain glycerine and other
explosives too numerous to mention. We
have case in point. On Saturday last
q box resembling chicken coop was re-
ceived at the Titusville Office Of the Un-
ion Express Company, marked " d. Rice
Ttusville, Pa, (halfdozen grapes). Do
not annoy the contents" At FIRST the
attaches of the company paid but little
attention to the coop" which from its
marks was supposed to contain boxes Of
early grapes which the shipper desired
handled carefully to avoid confusion and
decay.
The day passed, but the consignee call
ed not for his fruit, and measures were
discussed as to the..best manner in which
to collect charges upon the same, when
all discussion was ended by the con-
tents" of the box making charge them
selves; for in the twinkling Of the ex-
treme end Of lambs back bone, seve.
raj bald-headed, sweet-scented, mischiev-
GUS monkeys had jumped from this Pan
dora's box and taken possession OF the
office. 1t seems that the intelligent as
sistant express agent at some point had
intended to mark the box haIf-dozen
gray apes" but differing from Webster
in his spelling, had thus caused the de-
tention of box of fruit, which in reali-
ty was consignment of moral monkeys
for Dan Rice's show, and which, instead
of capering nimbly about upon the back
of the scared cattle to the lacivious pleas
ing of cornucopia at Dams great show
had been wasting their sweetness on the
desert air, until hunger and thirst COM
PEELED raid on the express Office.
But no time was lost. The doors were
secured, and armed with sticks Of seal
ing wax, money packages, and G. O. D.
| packages, the forces Of the company raj.
$ lied, and lively chase began. The ba.
boons chartered, the employees indulged
. themselves as did the army at Flanders
and from one end of the Office to the 9th
er the tide of battle rolled, while far
above the din of conflict could be heart
, the voice Of Robinson giving order
] amid the crash of falling boxes and th'
!. smell of singed hair as the apes dashe'
ts over the candle for melting wax.
!, But the battle is not to the strong ;
\ if it had been the apes would have cal
! ried the day, for the atmosphere was fl
: ed with the mingledodor Of scorched hai
:. and pole-cat. The leader Of the Whi
is its" sat down in pool Of melted sea
~ ing wax, and in an instant was rooted
: the spot. A second was demoralized
- a quart bottle of ink striking him on Il
:. top knot, showed that if leopard car
:: change his spots the monkey can.
: third ape fell into the glue pot, and "
!. dragged out by the tail, with each ps
= - ticular hair standing on end, like :
-. - quails..of fretful porker swine going
:. !. war, and the glue solidifying as it cal
in contact with the air, be quickly !
sembled statue cut in wax and Y,
nished. The animals were finally all
- cured and slowed in the box, whero th
~ are now quietly engaged in ruminati
M upon the fckleness of mans love-al
o. 81 chewing peanuts. The employees Of
80 49, express Office look pale, and have the
- - pearance of men who have passed throu
.a Andersonville, but they propose to G.
e duct the express business in . first cl
- manner, and baboons, gorillas or otl
~ wild denizens of the forest will be ha
"Is ,s led with neatness or dispatch, Is may
..d necessary.