Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1870-07-07
Temperanee Discourse in Reply rs q
Correspondent, by Josh Billings.


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BERKSHIRE: Who wss it Tint iaven-
ted alcohol, | am unable tew tel with
ont Icing; but il would hav bin fust
klass blessing for the rest of us if he aud
the liekor bad both ov them been split
Oh the ground aud niver bin sopped up
since.
The Devil himself, with all biz genius
for a ten strike, could not have rolled q
hall mere servceable for hiz bizness on
eafth; one more certain to quaiter on
the head pin. and sweep the alley every
time. Rum IL fhe Devils stool pigeon,
biz right hand bower, hiz high, low, jack
aad the game.
A great mcnny, with dyspeptic morals
argy That lickor is indispensable for man
ufactring aud doktor purposes, and also
for mechanical uses, and they hold that
va kouldnt raize.a barn that would stand
without emmy good old Jamake rum, and
sum say that pudding sass, without emmy
speerits in it, is no healthier than com.
mon goose grease.
! But awl ov thezs argys are furnished
free os cost by the Devil himself. and
ennv man who advances them liz telling
without knowing it perbaps) lies that
will weigh, at a ruff estimate, at least a
pound apiece. Blu; my objekt in these
| fu preliminus remarks ID tew git good
chance to tell what know about Jersey
lightning" Tone ov aIeohoI's impsD as a
maaafaktring and metaphysical agent.
Jersey !igIning liz cider brandy, three
hours old, still. born, and quicker than a
fash. This juice IL drunk raw by all
the old sports, and makes premonitory
and HIKING Loize az it winds down the
thrut, like an old she goose setting on
eggs, or hot iron stuck into ice water.
Three horns day ov this Ticker will tan
a mans interior in six months. SO that
| he kan swalio live six.footed krab, feet
fust, and not waste wink.
Ii don't fat a man (cider brandy don't)
like whiskee duz, but Fuckers him up
like flied potatoze. If man can sur
we the fust three years of Jersey light
ming, he IL safe tbsn for the next seven
ty Eve years tew cum, and keeps looking
every day like a three year old red pep,
per pod, hotter and hotter. An old ci.
der brandy drinker will steam, in sud
den shower of rain, like pile ov stable
manure, and biz breath smells like the
bunghole ov a rum cask lately emptyed.
When Jersey lightning IL fust born it
tastes Ike bileing tuIpentine and cayene,
half and half, aud will rajze blood bills
her on a pair ov cd kowhide brogans in
fifteen minutes. and applied externally
will cure the rumalism or kill the pa
tieni, forget which. The fust horn a
man takes ov this lickor will make him
think h. has swal allowed gaslight, aud
he will GO out behind the barn and try
few die, but kant. The eyes ov an old
ciderbraudis; look like deep gashes kut
! into q iipc tomato. his nozez the com
pIexshun ov a halt. billed lobster, md the
grizzel in his galIet sticks out like an elbo
in LIN leader.
TW moro viIlainous the drink, the
more inverate are those who drink it
| can't tell yer whether cider brandee
will shorten an old suckers days or not !;
for they generally odtlive all The rest NV
the neighbors, and die just az soon az
The old tavern stand changes hands and
IL opened on temperance principles. One
bottle of sassaprilla or ginger-pop liz NJ
fatal tew these old fellers az rifle ball
is TO bed bug.
i void do almost anything but muir
der TO save yung man from jersey
lightning. but trying to save an old one
IL like uying tew put the fire out Nv a
hoiler log; you might az well let it
burn up, for the ashes is worth more
than the log.