Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1870-03-17
My Wife's Bridal Tour.


of on a bridal tour ] told hel
: she had better wait six months oi
year, and I'd try to 60 with her
: but she said she'd rather 90 alone
when a woman was travelling q
man was an out and-out humbug.
81 l gave her seventy five cents,
and told her TO 60 off and have a
good time. Ineyer begrudge mon
ey where my wife's happiness is
concerned. Ny first wife never
could complain of not going any
where; for I'm dreadful fierce to
90 off on a good time myself, and
always was. l don't pretend TO
say how many times l took her out
to see the engine squirt, and there
was no end 10 the free lectures let
her 60 to. The neighbors used to
say at does beat all how the
SINNERS do go!"
When Signor Blitz was in Skunk
vile, with his wonderful canaries,
be gave my wife complimentary
ticket.
Inot only sold that ticket for my
wife, but gave her half the mon
ey. ! don't boast of it though; |
only mention it to show how much
| thought of my wife's happiness
l don't think any man ought to
get married till he can consider his
wife's happiness only second to his
own. John Wise, a neighbor OF
mine, did thusly; and when 1 got
married, concluded I'd do like
Wise.
But the plan didn't work in the
case of my wife. No, 1 should
think not. 1 broaehed the subject
kindly.
"Matilda," said," suppose you
are aware that l am now your lord
and master"
aEot much you amt" said she.
"Mrs. Skinner" / replied, "you
are fearfully demoralizeI. You
need re-organizing at once You
are cranky" And ] brandished
my new 81 cent umbrella wildly
around her.
She took the umbrella away from
me, and locked me up in the clothes
press.
am quick to draw an inference,
but the inference | drew here was,
that was not a success as a re-or-
ganizer Of female women.
After this, changed my tactics
/ let her have her own way, and
the plan worked to charm from
the very first. It's the best way of
managing a wife that know OF. OIL
course, this is between you and
me.
So, when my wife was bound to
go of on a bridal tour anyhow,
cordially assented. Geo Matilda"
SAID {, "and stay as long as you
want to ; then, if you feel as though
you would like to stay a little
longer, stay, my dear, stay"
She bid me stop talking, and go
up stairs and get her red flannel
and that bag of penny
royal for her aunt Abigail.
My wife is a very smart woman.
She was a Baxter, and the Baxters
are a very smart family, indeed
Her inotlier, who is going on so,
can fry more slapjaeks now, than
half these primped up city girls,
who rattle on the piano, or else
walk the street with their furbelows
ind hxings, pretending to get mad
f q young chap looks at EN- pret-
" hard, but getting mad in earnest
{ you don't take any notice of them
It all.
All the girls amt what they used
o be when / was young, and the
ellows are worse still, When / r
vent counting, for instance, never ,
hought Of staying till after ten t
''elock, and only twice a week. {
Vow they go seven nights in a !
reek, and cry because there amt f
light. They write touching notes !
uring the day. Dear George, do /
on love me as much now as you :
i'd at quarter past II last night ? J
ay you do, and it will give me :
ourage to go down stairs and tack f
, them cold beans, left over from !,
esterday," Q
Well, well, / suppose they enjoy !,
Let them get togeth- h
: and court, if they like it, and ] b
link they do. I was forty-seven it
hen l courted my present wife; d
ut it seemed just as nice to sit on 81
little stool at her feet, and let her G
nooth my hair, as it did 30 years n
70. n n
As l said before, my wife is a sl
Try smart woman but she could tn
1t be anything else and be Bax- ne
r. She used to give lectures on fir,
oman's Rights, and in one place it.
lere she lectureG, a big college de
Inferred the title of L. L. D. upon fri
r. But she wouldn't take it, vo
70, gentlemen" she said, "giye it di.
the poor" She was always just int
charitable. She gave my boys ar,
rmission to go barefoOted all is
nter, and insisted on it so much, ito
her kind way, that they couldn't un
use. hei
She fairly dotted on my children, moi
4 I've seen her many time go ou
their trowser's pockets and take
{ their pennies, alter they had Ho
to sleep, and put them in her sol
-eau drawer. for fear they might