The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-06-16
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A MAN OF MARK-Mark Twain.

breath.
A BUSINESS that is always picking up
a rag gatherer's.
WHEN are thieves like leopards p
When they are spotted"
THOSE who have their millions have a
right to put on aires.
DoN'T go to church with q cough, and
disturb the rest of the congregation.
TIE shallowest streams are generally
the fastest. The same is true of men.
If sixteen drains make one ounce, how
mary win destroy all scruples Fun.
Miss ADA BowLEs claims that a woman
is perfect, and man imperfect because ne
lost rib.
INSURE your life for the amount your
farm is mOrtgaged for, in the Washington |
Life.
THE potato is said to resemble near
sighted person, it so frequently has specks |
over its eyes.
A PENNSYLVANIA thus forbids poach |
ing: "Enne person treaden on these
here premises for feer of beein shot,"
THE increase of business in the Wash
ington Life in 1867 over 1866 was greater
than any other cash company.
WHY use three words when one will ex
press the same thing? Say duoterpsi-
choreanoclogopedalitysion," not double
clog dancing"
MISSOURI hogs are so fat that in order
to find out where their heads are it is nee
essary to make them sQueal and then
Judge by the sound.
FORCE OF HABIT-A man who always
dog'S-eared page of book in order to
remember a passage, invariably used to
turn down street SO as to fix It IL his
memory.
ONE of party of musical friends, re-
fcrring to an exquisite composition, said:
"That song always carries me away when
[ hearlt." Can any one sing 2" asked
Jerrold.
A REPORTER, IN describing a gale of
wind, says: "A white dog, while attempt
| ing to weather the gale, was caught with
his mouth open, and turned inside out"
IT is related of an amateur farmer in
Connecticut, that being told it was time to
brush his peas" he procured broom,
and toward night was hard at work "wip
| ing the dust of"
\ LITTLE four-year old boy sat alone on
the piazza, when new physician came to
see his sick mother. The doctor naturally
wished to make his acquaintanc ;, and said:
Z" How old are you, my SOM" 81 am not
old / am new," said the boy
cts desp'r't thing" said old Joe
Smykers-"a desp'r't thing; that are
young couple, who've been billin' and COO
in ard maxim eyes at one another for
month, have now gone to the minister and
got a permit to see if they can't keep it up
Tor q life time !"
THE WIND.-When is it like a certain
fruit? When it is current When is it
like music? When it whistles. When is
it like baby? When it is squally. When
like fruit tree? When it blows. When
like person in deep affiictiOn? When it
means. When like newspaper When
i.pufls.
A Mrs. HANNAH JONES piously raised a
tablet to the memory of the departed
Jones, who had been a hOsier, the inscrip
ton on which, after recording his many
virtues, wound up with the following
cOuplet:
= lie left his bose his Hannah and his love,
TO go and sing hosannah in the realms above
IN the cemetery at Lery the follow
ing epitaph may be seen: Here lies
Jean Baptiste Fumieres, formerly munich
pal counsellor of the commune. He was
beloved and respected by all who knew
him. His inconsolable widow Tin concert
with her new husband) has erected this
monument to his memory"
KNOW of little girl in England who
loves to pray. But one night she was
very tired and sleepy, and was getting
into her little bed without saying her
prayers. But her mamma told her to
kneel down first to pray. So she folded
her little hands and said: PLEASE God
remember what little Polly said last
night; she's SO tired tonight. Amen"
LET young man at twenty years OF
, age put twenty dollars at interest, instead
/, of expending it for tobacco. Then at the
beginning of the next year repeat it, and
include also the principal and interest Of
! the preceding year, until he shall have
a reached the age of seventy. The amount
: he would realize would exceed thirty
: thousand dollars
A GENTLEMAN was describing to Doug
las JerrOld the story of his couTtship and
: marriage, how his wife had been brought
n up in convent, and was on the point oil
2 taking the veil, when his presence burst
: upon her enraptured sight, and she &C
= cepted him as her husband. Jerrold lis
s tened to the end and quietly remarked
e "She simply thought you better thar
s num-"
: THERE is to be general reunion of the
!. Alumni and Past Cadets of Norwich Uni
u versity, at Mortified, VT, on the 18th anC
o 14th of July next, in accordance with
. vote of the association passed in 1865 Al
IL this occurs during commencement week
e a large gathering Is anticipated, and The
i occasion will be one of very great inter
{ est. The Grafton is to be delivered by an
u eminent soldier of the war, Brigadiel
General W. FL. H. Davis. 1t is proposed
by the association to visit on the 18TH ca
e nlaSSe the old site of the University a,
n Norwich, and this is by no means the leas
J. attractive part of the programme.
A TREATISE ON ETIQUETTE ca
:, soup with fork. II you want to run fo
,, office next fall, nominate yourself at once
= and pitch right into the cauldrOn with
g vim. Ifyou see Jones at the theatre will
- a young lady, yell out, "Hello, Jones
- how is your wife?" Jones will think i
= funny. Young ladies, always give pre-
: cedence to age, and never 60 to the wash
- tub if your mother or grandmother ar
- present; they might consider it disre
spectful. In the dining-rOOm no gentle
Il man will sit on the table, nor is it polite t,
% get under il until too drunk to sit in
y chair
a AT Henry Ward Beecher's church, on
r, recent Sunday, just as he was about t.
Y commence his text, he discovered that tn
a light was insufficient, and asked some on
Is III the gallery to open the blinds Durin,
te the delay brother jumped up and sal,
ir "that there was a patent fastener for blind
k by which the light could be graded" am
that he had called the attention of the sex
ton to it, and had offered to pay for the i'm
s. prOvement, but that no attention had beel
Ut paid to his suggestion. Mr. Beecher i'm
II mediately replied: "Thank you; | vii
ID see that it is attended to this week, an,
lie will have the bill sent to you !" whereat tn
'e congregation laughed at the expense G
III the generous brother.