The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1870-07-11
CHURCH OF THE COMING WOE.

The Prophet Snow In a BelIigerent Attitude
Ho Falls Foul or His Crtics-The Herald
GAS Clever and Witty as the Devil" bus
the Times Can do No Harm 10 Anybody
The "uesscngcr'' la n Mess.
In a small Classroom Of the University, Washing
ton square, exactly thiriy-four persons OK various
ages, sexes and sizes, assembled yesterday after.
noon at three O'Clock, to listen rapturously to the
luguhrous croakings OF the Prophet snow, who had
himself announced as the herald or Christ and spe
cal city messenger OF New York from the powers
above,
rHg PROPHETS AUDIENCE
were a sadooIing set, and nothing short OF an &C.
tuai OF heads could make one believe that even
in this wonderful city, there could be found thirty
four such characters unrestricted by strait jack
cts. The Prophets right ami left bowers q
pair OF grim and sckly looking gentlemen, who evil
IDENTITY lead unhappy lives, because several gigantic
misorunes prophesled long ago for them aud theirs
have hitherto failed to come to pass These two
cheerful citizens sat on each side OF fat AMI
unspirltual-ooking old lady in Precipitation and
spec aces, WHO playesethe harmonlum and sang
tenor While her lean supporters uttered accom-.
panlmen IN very close and clever imitation or pair
Of cracked claronets,
The remainder OF the audience was made up OF
few diotic, but harmless men aud girls,
aud Old maids and children, who tried during tho
sermon TO keep one eye each on the preacher and
one looking out or window, TO the
earliest intelligence the expected mi,lenn um. Tho
HERALD reporter having entered ON tiptoe AMI
noiseessly taken back seat he was nevertheless
recognized by all present solely by reason OF the
unfortunate but conclusive fact OF his being the only
person In the room VINO bore no evidence upon Ms
face OF IT cent escape from lunatic asylum. His
hair did not stand on end nor was his cDuntenance
cadaverOus and terror stricken; therefore he was
| at once approached by the leanest and most
wretched looking OF the Prophets two henchmen,
who wanted to satisfy himself OF the reporters
identity. Having been told That the latter was
really .'chep' who meant TO take notes. and
sc0wL FROM THE NEITHER WORLD
settled at once on his Jagged brow ana lorthwith he
pronounced the HERALD an infamous paper, alter
which uterance he hurried away to whisper some
legend into the ear first OF his chief and prophet aud
then OF every body else in the room. in less han
minute the entire little audience aud their preachers
were all scowling unmerc fully NJ the reporter, and
one venerable bur decidedly ugly maiden was heard
| 10 breathe prayer Tor
| rue scRiBEs MISERABLE SOUL.
But terrible Look OF dire resolve the cOuntenance
Of the Prophet soon informed the congregation that
he had made up his mind as TO the manner III which
| he should mete out eyen-handed and meroness
justice TO somebody. whereof a general sigh II
reief was unanimously gwen. and peace OF
ND was a rsore pas TO three Ss s1a taog
commenced. First the preacher dropped into poetry
and read all the psalms one after another with the
| half modest, hall triumphant air OF a man who
wished ms TO believe they were all his own compost
ton, and were now introduced TO the New \ orr,
| squeaked, and the melting ehae who presided
| thereat, accompanied by the cracked clai1onets.
o. what blessed hope is ours,
more 1 ,aan We ,ss Ws h s aeassy bower.
| And anteiate the day
| After this beautiful sentiment was drawled
un,ii IL would stand no further stretching, The plato
| was diligently and slowly passed round ceremony
| thai occupied much valuable tline rs IL was neces-
sary 10 finger it 10 under seyera noses belonging
TO those oi me audience Qhe mlJorityl WHO were
THEY Would NOT SEE IT.
The contributions averaged i've cents EACH and OF
course amounted To sum that-il any rent at all
was paid for the room-nust have lcit the Prophet
under necessity pay an income tax for thls
week. The collection having come TO end at last
and the preacher having cast IA lingering look OF
agony nj the plate and ide note o lis contents no
slowly rose and read from scrap cut from the New
York Times OF Saturday statement to the effect
that he had maintained on the previous sunday that
tue Kingdom Coming was to be re-establlshed not Tor
the Jews, but for the gy pses Now ne tCne Prophet
wanted 1t distinctly understood that lie never sad
anything OF the Kind and the reporter who put such
BLASTED LIE
Into ms mouth IN spite OF him, stood convicted as
mean loW dirty, miserable liar, VINO would DO
damned evcrlastingly for having the dread daring
To put a false note INTO the trumpet OF the Herald
! by the scum OF the earth, who wanted to hide
| the truth, for truth Is always distastcful To
paper whose stan is composed OF liars, thieves and
-. there the prophet was iDdccentl There Is
| another paper published IN this cty-there the eye
OF indignation and the finger Of sclrn were leveiled
| at the HERALD reporerj- to wiAeh lie would call
| attention. 1t was written for by
| Ro5UEs AND LIARS,
inspired by the devil, all working for no other end
than TO postpone the Second Coming, solely in order
| TO defeat the preachers prophecies and lessen his
paltry pronts. rms dirty, igno ant shabby, filthy.
| internal rug other than the NEW YORK
| HERALD. The Times could not 40 much harm to
| anybody or anything. All 1t could boast was dis.
position 10 be mischIeyous. But that production Of
ABLE AND WITTY AS THE DEVIL
himself and was therefore TO be more care
| fully guarded against than Its stupid con
| tempor.rles. because it Gan, came to US with
To assume when our weakness IL TO be tempted.
Last Sunday nppant ruIilan from the HERALD
office came 10 their little meeting there the prophet
cal dexter digit and optic were again aimed point
blank at our reporter, who once more became
object OF general regard aud laudable curiOsltyl and
next morning there appeared In the HERALD u re-
port OF that meeting which he pronounced lnla-
nous connection OF damnable lies from beginning TO
END. In fact the press had been down ON him
and always; bnt 1t consoed him to know that he Is
BLACkGUARDED FOR CHRisrs SAKE
The HERALD u afraid Of Christs coming. It would
not suit that dirty paper; but Christ Will come In
spite OF IT, and then he the PROPHECY Will have tho
satisfaction OF seeing that paper and all connected
with 1t 80 low In the mire that he Kick and tram
pie on them TO his hearts content. How dare lnat
Journal set Itself up against himP Who could mention
the NEW YORK HERALD and the Herald OF Christ In tho
same breath He would now leave the HERALD
and all other such vile sheets 10 the vengeance or
God, and would read for them some OF Pau's epis.
ties. This he did at full length and then delivered q
volume OF incoherent twadole TO prove that Christ
was near yea, at the very door. he 1.-THE prophecy
to happen, ana he undertook the task joyiully for
whoever dreaded the second coming he did not; no.
no ready and therefore called boldly on Christ
| to come on rs soon a. he likes.
THE PROPHET REPEATS HIMSELF.
The sermon wound up with another sssaut on tho
HERALD and hymn. When the hymn was over rho
preacher announced that he had some books TO SELL
but the audience had been already induce TO
concluded THAT reading books now IL only q waste o.
uUei 80 none oil Tue BOOKS were bought