Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1870-07-10
RIP VAN wlNKLs, M. ..
AN AFTER-DNNER PRESCRIPTION


Tdkea tV The Massachusetts Medical Society, at
their Meeting held MaV2, 1870.
At the recent annual meeting OF the Mas
sachusetts Medical Society, oliver Wendell
Holmes read the following entertaining
verses. 1t Will be seen that DR.. Holmes does
not omit his customary fling at Hom9opathy .
but Homoopathists viii notice with pleasure
his disPraise of heroic treatment;'1
cASTo FIRST. gEt - 7
Old Rip Van Wrinkle had a grandson, Rip
OF the paternal block a peFfest chip;
A lazy, sleepy, curious, kind of cnap;
He, like his ~gFandsire, took a mighty nap,
Whereof the story 1 propose TO tell
An two brief cantos II you listen well;
The times were hard when Rip TO manhood
They always will be when there's work TO do.
He tried at farming; found il rather slow;
And then at te~aching-what be didn't know
| Then took 70 hanging round the tavern bars,
To frequent toddies and IOng-nine cigars,
Till Dame Van Wrinkle, out of patience,
vexed
with preaching homiies, having for their
A mop, a broom-stick-aught that might
To point a moral or adorn a tale.
Exclaimed: Il havetti Now then, Mr-V!
He's ID for som~ethiug-make him an M-D"'
The die was cast; the y~oungster was content;
They packed his shirts and stockings, and he
How hard he studied, IL were vain TO ten.
He dTowsed through Wistari nodded over
Bell;
Slept seu5nd with Cooper; snored aloud ON
Heard heaps of Iectures-doubtiess under
stood.
a constant listener, for he did not fail
To carve his name on every bench and rail.
Months grew to years; at last he counted
And Rip Van Wrinkle found himself NJ. D..
ulustrious title! in a giIded frame
He set the sheepskin with his Latin name
RtpuHi an BtaktHm, qEe3a s~ciaus-know
Id0leUn esss-to DO so and so.
He hired az Office; soon its walls displayed
His new diploma aud stock in trade;
A mighty arsenal 10 subdue disease
OF various name, wherefore l mention these=
Lancets and bougies, great and little squirt,
Khuoarb and SIENNA, snakeroot, thorough
ant. TART Vim. Coieh, Phi Coehie and Black
PuIv. I-pecacuanhe, which, for lack
OF breath TO utter, men call Ipecac;
CamphOr and kinO, Turpentine,T Oiu,
Cubehs, sBopeevy. p Vitriol-white and blue
FenneA and FIaxseed, slippery Elm aRd
And roots Of Sassafras and " sassaf'rin
Brandy for COLES; Pin~kroOt-death on worms,
Nalertan, caimer OF hysterie squtrms;
Musk, AssafRtida-the resinOus gum,
Named from its odor-weu, 1t does smell
Jalap, that works not wisely, but too well;
Ten pounds OF bark, and six of Calomel.
For outward griefs he had an ample store
Some twenty jars and gallipots, or more;
Ceratum simplex housewives on compile
The same at home, and. call ii wax and ile;7
Unguentum observation-disclosures its name,
The " drawing salye'' of many an ancient
Argent Nitras. also Spanish PIfes,p
Whose virtue makes the water bladder rise
Some say that spread upon a tcper's skin
Thew draw na wafer only FTTnf and GinH--
Leechss sweet yerminl don't they charm
And stieking-pIaster-how II hates to stick!
Emplastrum ferTi, ditto Picis-Pitch;
Washes and powders. birthstone for the
@eabies or Psora, is thy chosen name
Since Hahnemsnn's g~oose-qui1 scratched
thee into flame,
Proved thee the scourge ofevery nameIess i'll,
Whose sole specific is IA moonshine pill,
TIL saucy science, with a quiet grin, E
Held up the Acarus, crawling on a pin!
Mountains have labored and have brought
The Dutchman's theory Matched a brood Of
twice
I've well nigh said them-words uniting
For these fair precincts and for ears polite.
The surest foot may chance at last to slip,
And so at length 1t proved with Doctor Rap,
fuil-sised bottle stood upOn the shelf
Which held the medicine II al he took him
Whate'er the reason, it must be confessed,
He dlled that bottle oftener than the rest;
What drug il held l don't presume 70 know
rae gilded label said, Elixir Pro"
One day the doctor found the bottle fun,
And, being thirsty, took a vigorous pun,
Put back the elixir" where twas always
And had Old Dobbin saddled and brought
round.
You know these oId-time, rhubarb eolored
mays
That carried doctors and their saddle-bags;
SagaciOus beasts! they stopped at every place
Where blinds we're shut knew every patients
Looked up and thought-the baby's in a fit;
won't last long; he'll soon be through
shook their heads before the knoekered
where some old lady told the story Ger,
Whose endless stream of tribulatiOn flows
For gastric griefs and peristslie woes.
What Ja~ek-o-Iantern led him IRON his way,
And where it led him, ii were hard to SAY;
Through paths the mountain sheep trOd sin
gle ME,
Who dose too freely with rEIixer Pro-"
He tumbled -dismOunted, slightly in a heap, /
he lay promiseuous, Tapped in balmy sleep
Night followed night. and day succeeded day, !
But snoring stfllthe slumbering doctor lay.
Poor Dobbin, starving, thought upon his
And $ raggled home. saddIe-bags and all;
The village people hunted all around,
But Rip was missiDg-never could be found; |
" Drownded,' they guessed, for more than
hall a year -. d.
The pOuts and eels did taste uncommon queer. /
some said of sppIe brandy; other some
Found a strong flavor OF New England rum /
Why can't a fellow hear the fine things said
About "A fellow when a fellows dead?
best of doctors, 50 the press declared.
A public blessing while his life was spared.
True TO his country; bOunteous to the poor;
In all things temperate, sober, just and pureF
The best OF husbands! echoed Mrs. Van, 1
And set her cap to catch another man.
ends this Canto; If it's qudntlum sur,
Wen just stop here, and say we've had |
enough, |
1 grind the organ If you lend your ears.
hear my second CantO; after that
Wen e round the monkey with the hat.
N SECOND.