, 1870-04-03
TIT.BITS

| -NSeNA*A>.3
say: rEze in the Louisiana State- I.otterv.-
| Nevada cinIms to have brook trout uvt.
fou1 feet long. In some places the streams
are so narrow that these trout hare 10 t,ytnc
aahore to turn around.
Figaro Gays: " One touch Of Nature u,,k,s,
tho whole world grin"
-Conundrum on Godlove orth. NJ G.
Why should God love 01th 2-,at this point
our eonundrnmner expired,
-"ls your name registeretls" INQUIRED q
Connecticut man Of his employe .lsv or tvu
$50. Be gons, no; nc name il Pat Doo,;.
hsn. was the reply.
What letter has never been used bn. tw;,s
in America7 A. s''N'
Washington wits declare that the Father q,
his Country. in Greenoueha statue, is saving,
az af.e L. NJ sword aud my clothes arc up L
Was HesEe Donapsrte tried By jury of
| "A negro rareon in the Vest prcschins
aslnst the love Of money, concluded his SER
mon BY saying: And hns1lr, brethren, ron
can Judge what God thinks d money BY tho
cises ot 1eupie he gives it to-
Temporary, by stating that il .scan compr.s.
more deliberate, wilful. wicked, vilIanous lic,
into square inch than any other thst is CT
ever Vas printed"
The Cong,e9ntionaiiss says = Sunday
School expert was asked the other isv. s.Wh.t
books?" Els answer WAS, Throw nine -tertl.s
Of them ont Of the window ~
"A young lady pupil in Western femals
college thus closes letter to friend: .'But !
muet stop, ior here comes eoph., who parts
M, hs hai! n u the middle, and wea1s mouatssho
A Philadelphia urchin hasted hy hia father
for fishing from, the dock and falling in, thinks
pap couldn't have licked him worse il he'd
drowned"
preach the Gospel ~ soma ministers aru
obliged to: for a5o dolls year, l would get q
living as Sebudsennezzer did, and let the con
gregashen go te~ grass too"
George. Kitty. Where aze vou:" Kit
IT, Here are, Geo1ge!" George. "Don't
Wien yo,.'rc speaking of yourself"
! ..-"Mhat brought you to rt7son, ny co1orc,l
! fncnd7" tive coIatables, tah," ..Yes: hut
| ! mean had intempcIance ANYTHING to do will.
III" " Yes, sail, aey was bofe or EN- drunk. y
| John ltuskin says: IS 1t il only ny 1aboz
| y by thought that labor can he made happy"
Every plain Girl has one cons5lation /:
though not pretty young lady, she VII, il ens
lives, ho pretty old one.
Skating on rollers in a room decorated
| in New Orleans.
\ Greeley's caliathcnics-he Is said 10 con-
troll the Farmers Club.
| -FH:z says that ut the lecture the other
evening, the audience WAS ~ quiet that you
could hcar 4 he'd tick.
1t Is estimated that over one hundred
! Young ladies' aIs at present stnI.ing law in
this country. Probably they will all become
! motlers-in.law one Of these days.
Il member Of the Pence Society says Of an
army: 'Whercer they marrh in anscr, deso-
r.ause in aInity, aelic:ion mourns their friend-
shiP.'
Edith :" Shameful! is it not, Amy. tho
many rude things that arc said about tho CHG
non: Amy. shameful il not the word, dear.
When we remember that the fashion Is founded
on Greek Mythology. 1t is absolutely p,rfanr :!
The Spania-Is say y woman<a counsel |
is no great thing, huthe IL = foul who does not
Soon after the death Of the Poet waaawort,,,
said TO him, "fon have had great lops.' y
What loss :" Why, you have lost the great
| poet." 40, ay." raid the farmer. ..hc il
dead: hut hh hey no doubt r wife viii carry on
business, and max it aa profitable rs liver
| it was."
The New York World : jenkins rerorts that
| at recent fashionable ball in Washington, q
! lady OF great beauty appeared in the chiracter
| OF the "Greek Slave" She waa in full drc..,
| however.
How much water t.o you mt in your
! milk ?" asked a Pittafield, Massachusetts. msn
Of = boy who delivers milk on one Of the milk
rontee; I'VE don't Tut any water in it, re-
piled the bog. ''whAt do you rrut in it, then :.
"1ce.' said the candid youth.
-1he new style of fan that looks like re-
volver, is intended exclusively for the use or
| EounE ladies' who Dfe perfectly killing.
Master Charlie. aged i years. was not
pleased on being zeproEed hr his mother for
| some miHchleyoua prank, and showed hi. dr.
pleasure in his face, when his mother re-
marked: "Why, Charlie, an astonished to
gee you making faces at your nothcr." "why,
! calculated to lsuSh, but, Eauns, my f.co
slipped" ::
| When the Dukc Of Edinburgh arrived at
Agra, he inquired whether thero was lunatis:
asy!nm in the place. Being answercd mega
| lively, he ls eaid to have dcyoutIy thanked
heaven, reruarking that wherever there WIS
one he always found the word "velconle " IN
large Letters over tie entrance.
The Fat Contributor was at crpthian.
the other day, and one OF the papers abused
nun AND hls lecture The asliposo author saws
.he reason Of the attack il. that he got drunk
Will the editor or tits opposition paper
Samuel Ireland tells Of the miracle Of ~.
Dennis walking from Paris after hi- decolIatiou
with ll:s bead under his arm, but makes the
miracle still greater by his mode Of relating
the story. He says .s During his peregri,,a-
ton: he carried lis head under his arm. with
much eooinGss aEd deIbera,ion, and often
In 1e9! the ladies' were addicted to wearing
iatse Car, but not i'll the shape Of chiguu1m
Foet sought to convert them from the fool
lrhnets OF their ways by addressing them in
the following vigorous stanza:
AT thou Christian o, then. why ,yo,t w.-,-
upon the sarEed heap the nIthy hair
" sotne vile wretch, by foul .ilseast. taa, fell.
"hose soul, perhaps, Is burning now u heu1*
The Evansville Journal sars that a Young
lady OF that city was licensed to marry tno
gentIenen and adds that she made only one
happy. Which that one was il not stated, hut
probably IT was the one ehe did not marry.
"a 1eetu1ef IN Patterson, New jersey. Aaketl
ms audience. IN stentoriAn tones, What did
Noses sar: "shoo.dy!" was the answer
from dozen boys in the gallery.
"A New York correspondent Of the Cinciu-
nati Times, writing Of Trinity Church, tells
this " An extremely fashionable Young 1adv.
"no was showing country cousin the interior
OF Inc church. waH asked what the alpha and
omega on the baptismal font signited. The
a. was the response, 'stands for the A.
mighty: and that other thing, there, il . horse
shoe to frighten away evil spirits Ever since
the Lord Wac born in stable the horse-shoe,
So1 knew. represents hia divinity After this
astounding lit OF theological er7ldition, the
blne-eyca little idiot smiled az ccnr1acenrly AZ
the Trinity
-As divorce Is Romewhat Of fashionable
topic nowadays. the following decision. by =
Judge pretty veil known number Of years
ing the testimony, His Honor gave the opin-
ion; :. PROM the testimony ct the parties
themselves, given in this case, il has hasr,
clearly ehown that this man and woman ,ra
tnst TT to 1--we With each other and no one ef.e
petitioner" se " LIZ
-t""eh1ntlto ssys: ' A neat practical ;ok.
sas snat Penetrated br one Of our cont:1bn.
tols, who, having been requested to hr;nr ~,
~ epe'nng ,~e TEE rat; vailed into our Office dav
f<f1f++o Ia nz*
in tow" @@11 osnefals
Penney ytvanix bachelor" thua gets aYter
.oFeis woman: " tnpeach her in the name ar
lhe great whale Of the ocean, whose bones are
!oln aeunder to enahae her to keep straight. I
npeach her in the name Of the peacock. whosa
et11t without his permission she has stes!th-
lnHy and without honor assumed. l impeach
her IN the uane OF the horse. whose tai she
has perverted from its use to the making ~
*ayy tres.es to decorate the back OF the f3esd
md neck 1imreach her in the name ~ tba :
kangaroo. whose beautiful d gure ehe, in tslint.
1pon herself the Gfecian bend has hrnTrthf
nto ill-fsror and disrepnte."
The Rtroh!f1on thus treats Of the uon3
obey AZ used u the marriage service All
nj service i more at loggerheads with ~
han ary other now e1tant in civilized n.+;a1H
net only etiii clngs to the word obev 49,
hss most humiliating act in riri1aa tha nus
r1de AWAY. We were never more afrueF r;tS i1t'
= c@aoos AAa 1uo1cfOt9 features than onoa
eeing tau. queeen!y-!ooking wou,an msce Usce
itieently arrated, married bv one =, n.a tE.
nlest Priests that ever donned @ su9ptee H 'ne ne
-. e7e2 vstehed lxsf p the smallest sasFasn
;ehlest, tlue.t-loohng little e1oom nnss to The
seea !. a. Wedding sing on bridal farer ssee ss
8 these I!lipats round her W. thoFseht Zee
s ;t little priest said. Who gives % tbis vomen wnen
hry liz md and ~ th1t n s1e Toud take the reepoa
in. enn1 1;ls ~ 10. hnt no, there she stood
= .a oa hers While tho little guardian. nise;n n
!, Thna N "a, mat of the little groom. r.ys, II