The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1870-12-30


he procured similar place in the Office of
the Toledo Commercial, at five dollars a
week. 1t was upon this paper that his
talentas humorist first attracted attention,
and he was soon permitted to devote his
whole time to filling the local column with
amusing abuse of the rival paper. He ac-
quired so much celebrity in Ohio as q
writer OF facetious paragraphs, that he was
offered at length the place of local editor
of the Cleveland Plaindealer, at salary,
munificent at the time and place, of twelve
dollars week.
Most of the noted humorists-and the
great master of humor himself, Charles
Dickens-have shown particular fond
ness for persons who gain their livelihood
by amusing the public-showmen of all
kinds and grades, from the tumber in
the circus to the great tragedian of the
day.. In the performance of his duty as
local editor, Charles Browne had abund-
ant opportunity of gratifying his taste,
and he gradually. became acquainted with
most of the travelling showmen of the
Western country. He delighted to study
their habits, ard used to tell many good
story of their ingenious devices for rous-
ing the enthusiasm of the public. Much
OF this showmm's lore he turned to ac.
count in the letters of Artemus Ward.
There are dull times in q place Ike
Cleveland-times when the local editor is
hard put to fill his columns. No show,
no court, no accident, no police report, no
trotting match, no fashionable wedding,
no surprise party, no anything. One day,
in 1859 when the local editor Of the Cleve-
land Plaindealer was in desperate want of a
topic, he dashed upon paper letter from
an imaginary Snowman, to which he affiX-
ed the name of a Revolutionary General
which had always struck him as being odd,
"Artemus Ward" The letter began thus !:
/" To the Editor 0 the Plaindealer:
:" SIR: I'm moving along-slowly along
down lords your place. want you
should write me letter, saying hows the
| show-biziness in your place. My show at
present consists of three moral Bars, a
Kangaroo-a amoozing little Raskal !;
itwould make you larf to deth to see the
| little cuss jump and squeal-wax fggers of
G. Washington, Gen. Taylor, John Bunyan,
DR.. Kidd, DR.. Webster in the act of KILN
DR.. Parkman, besides several miscellanyus
moral wax statoots ofcelebrated piruts and
murderers, ETC., exalted by few, exceed by
none"
The Snowman proceeds to urge the ed
jtor to prepare the way for his coming,
and promises to have all his handblls
" dun at our offiyss."
1--WE must fetch the public somehow" he
continues. 1--WE must work on their feel
ings-come the moral on 'em strong. If
it's q temperance community, tell 'em
sined the pledge fifteen minits arter Use
born. But, on the contrary, if your peo-
pie take their tods, say that Mister Ward
is as genial Teller as we ever met-full of
conviviality, and the life and sole of the
soshul Bored. Take, don't you'll"
Mister Ward concludes his epistle by
cOndensing its whole meaning into very
short postscript:
you scratch my back, and lie scratch
yonr back -
This letter made wonderful hit. 1t
was Immediately copied into many hun
dreds OF newspapers, and was generally
taken as the genuine production ola show
man. Other letters in the same vein fol-
loved, which carried the name of Artemus
Ward and the Cleveland PLaindealer to the
end of the earth. For two or three years
they figured in the funny columns of most
of the periodicals in America, England and
Australia.
But except the reputation which the
letters gave, they were of little advantage
to the author. His salary may have been
increased few dollars week, and he adj
ded little to his income by contributions
to the comic papers of New York. No
man, indeed, is SO cruelty plundered as
the writer of short amusing pieces, easily
clipped and copied. He writes comic
piece for trifling sum which amuses per-
haps five millions of people, and no one
compensates him except the original pur-
chaser. There are, for example, comic dia-
logues which have done service for fifteen
years at negro minstrel entertainments,
and now make thousands of people laugh
every night for which the author RECEIVED
three dollars.
Artemus Ward anxious to buy back the
family homestead in which to shelter the
old age of his widowed mother, soon dis.
covered that he could never do il by max
ing jokes, unless he could sell them over
and over again So he tried comic lectur-
ing. The first night the experiment was
failure. A violent storm of snow, .sleet
and wind thinned the audience-in Clin-
ton Hall, New York--to such a degree,
that the lecturer lost thirty dollars by the
enterprise.
A tour in New England however, had
better results He had lectured q hun
dred nights, by which he cleared nearly
eight thousand dollars; and he was soon
abe to establish his mother in the COM
Portable village home in which he was
born.
thought l ought not to conclude this
article without letting the reader know
WHY this bright and genial spirit is no lon
ger here to add to the worlds harmless
amusement Well, this was the reason:
Wherever he lectured, whether in New
England, California or London, there was
sure to be knot Of young fellows to gath
or round him, and go home with him to
his hotel, order supper, and spend half the
night in telling stories and singing songs.
To any man this will be fatal in time
but when the nightly carouse follows an
evenings performance before an audience,
and is succeeded by a railroad journey the
next day, the waste of vitality is fearfully
rapid. Five years of such life finished
poor Charles Browne. He died in Lon
don in 1857, aged 33 years; and he now
lies buried at the home of his childhood
In Maine.
He was not a deep drinller. He was not
O man of strong appetites. 1t was the