Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1870-10-22
Mise.IIaneons.
81
ChsBbrFss,aids.
AN ESSAY BY MARK TWAIN.

Against all chambernaids. Of whatsO-
ever age or nationality, l launch the curse
of bachelordom Because
They always put the pillows at the opo-
site end of the bed from the gas burner, 80
that while you Rad and smoke before sleep
ing. (as is the anc ent and hOnored custom
of bachelors. YOU have to hold your book
aloft, in and uncomfortable position, to
keep the light from dazzling your eyes.
Whyn they find the pillow removed to
the other end of the bed in the morning,
! they receive not the suggestinni in a friendly
spirit, but glorying in their absolute
sovereignty, and implying your helpless
ness. they make the bed Just az it was
originally, and gloat in secret over the pang
their tyranny will cause you. Always after
that, when they find you have transported
! the pillows, they undo your work, and thus
defy you and seek to embittcr the life that
God hath given you.
If they cannot get the light in an inconve-
nient position any other way they move
thu bei.
! If you pull your trunk out six inches
| from the wall, 80 that the lid will stay mp
when you open 1t, they always shove that
| trunk lack again. They do it on purpose
lfyOu want the spittDun in a certain spot,
where it will be handy, they don't. And
30 they move it.
They always put your boots intoinacccs-
sibie places They chiefly enjoy drp0siting
them as far under the bed as the wall will
permit. 1t is because this compcls you to
get down in an unIioniticd attituGe and
make wild sweeps for them in the dark with
the boot;jack. aud swear.
They always put the match box in come
other place. They hunt up Il new place
for it every day, and put bottle or other
prrishable glass thing where tie box stood
before. This is to cause you 10 break that
glass thing, cropping iii the dark, and get
yourself into trouble.
They are forever and ever moving the
furniture. When you come in, in the night,
you can calculate on finding the bureau
where the wardrobe was in the morning
And when you go out in the morning, if
you leave .he slopSucket by the door aud
the rocking chair Hy the window, you will
fall over the rockngchair and you will pro-
coed TO the window and sit down in the
slop-bucket when You return at night.
This will disgust you. They like that.
Nomatter where you put anything, they
are not going 10 let il stay there. They will
take Il and move it the first chance they
get. 1t Is thcir nature. And besides it
gives tltem PLEASURE to be mean ana con-
trary this way.
They would die if they couldn't DO vii
lians.
They always save up all the old scraps
OF printed rubbish you throw on the floor
and stack them up On tie table, aud then
stait the tire with your valuable manu-
scripts. II there is any one particular old
scrap that YOU are more down on than any
other, and which you gradually wear vOur
litc out tryln" to get rid of, you may take
all pains you possibly can in that drec-
tion, tut it won't be Of any usc, because
they vii always bring that Old scrap back
and put it in the same old place again every
time. 1t docs them good.
And they use more hair oil than any six
men. If charged with purloining the
same, they lie about it. What do they care
about Il hereafter ? Absolutely nothing.
1fyou leave your key in your door for
convenience sake, they will carry it down
10 the office and civ, il to the clerk. They
do this under the vile pretensc of trying To
protect your property from thieves, but
, actually they do il because they want You
10 tramp back down stairs after il when
you come home tired, or put you to the
trouble of sending IA waiter for il, which
waiter viii expect you To pay him some
: thing. In which case suppose the de-
graded creatures divide.
They keep always coming To make your
l bed before you get up, thus destroying your
rest aud iuLictiuJ agony On you, but after
Il You get up, they don't come any more I'll
The next day.
: They DO all the mean things they ear
. think Of, aud they do them out Of pur,
u cu~-ydurss and nothing elise.
j ChamDrrmails are dead toevcry human
u instinct
u | have cursed them in behalf Of OUTRAGED
tachyIordom. They deserve il. II | car
J. s,t bill through the legislature abolish!ns
j. uAambcru,.a,, | mean 10 do il.
.
:, BENEFIr or LAUGuIER,--lt il said by
" ,npl medical authority That there is Ull
/ line r.nIulvsl corner or little lultt ut th'
In minnie blood y, ssyls of the human b"dl
.d ll,lla.s MT feel some waVclct from th'
>" .r.uyulsIuu ucyas.Jnri by hearty laughter
H. ann that lur 'grulrt, man oi .le pfnrp'
ut /, ,Hts.u tu its luu. ruust depths, syudn-
1 r.w 40. aul sl,,u-th 70 the sJrt,er, AZ,
l. thu, materially uudihS ln luaurr t"M'
|hhuh 600 Iur p,rrHu ~h' luduI-'s Vh,''h
q, III U..l move, maTr up.dh probably
H. cancel Oh s.ur ,hUuictl ur rl'vlrc m'dl
'l,-,rI..t ..,.,,..u.d uy tuy CuuNuisl,hl an
he eopt..,.t al.,u-ut luVr, ssiun tn al M
~ or,uu, uttn. tsiN as 4 visits lhrm un tia
ud barttytlur MYSTIC IuUrurY, Nbvu tht ma
Il bu.LIut. .rpm What u i,ts hl "lht
nj tlmes fuT tuis g,aAuu uNcry sp"i, h'"f'l
al. Au.h IA ,,AIpu a persYu tnduls,s, un4A
en Strengthen thy.r uN, ruH,l'hs' hs u ".N
nt nvw aut a,.u.t sUmHIt o. Ne wa
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