The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1870-05-05
JOSH BILLINGS ON GNATs.


cult thing tew be a good injun up in heav-
en-, but to cum down here and be good
inJun, il just whar the tite spot Gums in
Forgivlhg our enemys haz the same re-
freshihg effekt upon our souls az it duz to
confess our sins.
What lamentable cuss man IL. He
PHYS hiz na5or's, misfOrtunes, bi calling
them judgments from heaven.
Wise men 60 thru this world az boys
go tew bed in the dark, whistIing TO short
en- the distance
''The gods help them who help them
selfs." Upon the same principle mankind
praze thoze who praze themselfs.
Failing in love iz like falling into mo-
lassiss, sweet but dreadful dolby.
Hunters and gamblers are poor ekone-
mists, they kill time, species oy game
that cant be reproduced.
Good breeding il the art ov avoiding
familiarity, and at the same time making
the company satisfied with you and
pleazed with themselfs.
Tew be happy-take things az they
cum, and let them go jist AZ they cum.
1t takes great deal OF money tew
make a man ritch, but it don't take but
little virtew.
1t il the little things ov this life that
plague US
Muskeeters are plenty, elephants skarse
What an agreeable world this would
be tew live in if we could pump all the
pride and selfshness out of it! 1t would
improve it az much az taking the fire and
brimstun out ov the other world
Don't mistake plezzure for happiness
it iz entirely different breed ov dogs =
Thare IL CRATE deal ov exquisite plezzure
in happiness, but there IL CRATE deal oV
pIezzure that haE no happiness in it.
Thare IL only one thing that | kan
think oV now, that ike to see idleness
in, and that IL, in molasssss-i want mi
molassiss slo and eazy.
Experience haz the effekt on most folks
that age hag on goose. it makes them
tuffar.
"Se,oing Sos'etJs' are generally places
WHARF the wimmin meet to rip and So
up the naberhood
A lazy man IL one who haz no time to
spare an industrious man IL one who haz
more time to spare than he knows what
to do with
1t takes a smart man to conceal from
others what he don't kno
A lazy man alwus works harder than
bizzy One-the hardest work kno ov,
IL to grunt-it IL harder tew set still, and
fife flies, than it IL tew git up and escape
from them.
The man who controls hiz pashunS sits
at The helm ov hiz ship.
1t IL very difficult few kalkulate upon
suckcess, unless man sets up for phOol
lin this department, have known hum
dreds 10 succeed, contrary tew ther expek
tashuns.
don't want emmy better evidence that
a man il phoo. than tew see him cults
vate excentriritys.
The man who kan conceal hiE real kar-
akter when he iE drunk, or in FASHION,
haz got a giant karakter.
have found out that happiness kon-
sists in working bizzy II hours, sleeping
8 hours, ard playing checkers hours,
out ov every "a
Mankind loves misterys--a hole in the
ground excites more wonder than a star
in the heavens.
Experience IL a good schoolmaster,"
but reason iZ better one.
A Pedant IL lernt phool- pedantry liz
little knowledge on parade-pedantry il
Hypocrisy, without emmy malice in it.
All The good men in this world hav
got the same kind ov religion, it IL only
the dead beats, frauds, and hypokrits,
whose religion differs.
Pride IL a looking glass, into which
men look, and seeing themselfs, they
strut, and stick up their nose at other
folks
How on arth kan we trust man kind,
or woman kind, when thare Amt one out
ov ten 6v them dare trust themselfs
Thare is two kinds of faith, faith ov
the brains, this IL nothing more than
shrewdness-and faith ov the heart, this
iz humility, haf sister 10 virtew.
Yu will motifs one thing, all good talk
ers are good listeners.
Adversely IL a goddess with frozen
smiles.
i'll had the privilege of making the
Eleventh Commandment, it would be this
--olUe no man.
Young ones and dogs !-thoze who are
the least able to support them, generally
hav the most ov them.
Sum folks, az they gro older, gro wizeri
but most folks simply gro stubbornner.
People travel to learn most ov them
(before they starD should learn to travel.
/ don't believe in fighting am solem
ly aginst it but if a man gets tew iiting,
am also solemly aginst hiz Citing licked.
After fight il once opened. all the vir-
tew thare il in it IL to lick the other
party.
Slander IL like the tin kithe tied to a
dorg's tale-a very good kind ov kittle, so
long az it amt our dorg's tale.