The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1870-09-16
MARK TWAIN.

arrived in New York a few days
ago, and instinctively took rooms at
the Astor House. To be sure, / had
no money to pay for them; but why
think of pay If We are only good? l
have always made it rule to have
the best of everything, even if / am
obliged TO get trusted for it, This
sterling maxim was instilled into my
mind by kind father and who shall
say that gray haired old man is not
proud Of his orphan boy?
But the times are so hard now that
/ find it very difficult to make both
ends meet and lay up money besides.
had not been at the Astor more
than one day, when the clerk brought
me my bill.
"Is it customary" said /, "to pay
by the day e
''1t is with men of your stamp? he
replied.
What kind of n stamp do you take
me for?" said l.
"iou look like two-cent stamp
he replied, mighty thin. II anybody
should wet it once, you'd stick like
thunder. But we don't propose to
try it. You either pay this bill, or
get out Have you any money!"
My estimable young friend" l re-
piled, lyon have probably heard OF
DIR. Ben. Franklin, long since deceased.
| That eminent physician was Mt one
time in the proverb business, and did
good thing. He said, among other
things, that time is money Now, l
havn't got any money, but as regards
time, | am in aiiluent circumstances,
and If you will receipt that bill, will
give You n check for as much time as
you think equivalent, and throw you
in couple of hours for your trouble. "
He made no reply, but from the
fact of a porter's coming up immedi-
ately thereafter, removing my trunk
to the sidewalk, and hustling me out
after it, / inferred that l wasn't con-
sidered financial success.
"Say, Mister" said a small boy
with very long coat. and cap with
considerable visor, 'don't tear your
self away"
"Oh, you let him Alone" said an
other, "his mother sent for him."
Oh, world thou art cruel
Immediately called n hackman, and
told him to take me to a cheap but re-
spectacle hotel. "And the cheaper il
is, the more respectable I shall con-
slider it," 1 added.
He drove me to the Excelsior House
and l told him l was under a great
obligation to him, and if at any time
I could do HIM favor, I should feel
grieved if he didn't speak to me about
it, for my proud spirit spurns an obi.
cation.
eff you don't fork over that fifty
cents" said he, I" therell be funeral
in your family, and it won't be your
wife, nor none of your children p
"But I'm busted. If meeting.
houses were selling for two cents ]
couldn't buy the handle of a contribu.
ton box"
He swore at me awfully. and said he
would have it out of my trunk-so he
bursted it open.
But the contents of that trunk are
| iuI lIOll iol ~ uliSU
with saw-dust. 1t looks Just as re.
spectacle, and in an emergency of this
kind is valuable.
I will not say this hackman looked
daggers at me. He looked whole
arsenal, with back room full of extra
bayonets and as he mounted his bo,
and drove away the air was fully blue
with oaths. He got off string after
string without making single mistake
and he must have had the devils die
tionary at his tongues end.
j It fairly curdled my blood to heal
him swear such awful swears. I never
had my blood curdled before, so I pu
some in bottle to look at.
I afterwards heard that this hack
man was always very wicked, ant
would not go to Sunday School whe1
he was little boy; but when hi,
mother put on his cap with tassal OF
it, and gave him cent to put in th,
contribution box, he would go off will
other bad boys and pitch pennies. Il
it any wonder that he is a great hor
rid thing land uses oaths when h
swears?