, 1870-03-20
TIT-RITS.

AoaAalto Sea1s--LH99At 1AG9d17Re.
TIT-BITS.
4 wess Virginia paper asks: "Why is the
east end Of Aain street, H111isvil1c, like lazy
ton Eextn md T1esdrs,' Is suggested IL E
suitAble titic for Rererrfy Johnsona forthecra-
ing ACCOUNT of his English experience.
III were puutsned
| Sor every pun | ahc1,
I To hide m. punished head.
| "Cal6sasa not only the corndelis Of tho
nindy but tho pleasure grounds also" visa 4
motto cf Dr.. Hhately's.
b,s a'fs f. Fanny Je sMsisqisg M belle il Keokut
beauty preferred not to remain Joy forever:
G~1hey had fe1aa4s voters IN Shalspeare's day.
Thus:
"knd the imperial rorress passed on
| In maiden uettisatlon, fancy FREE"
| Two young men of Shelby'lIc, Ind, wear
10 shameful. OF corset Is. > f'1'' s''s
| Joseph, you are m expoun3cr Of Biblical
thing" 'sWlat IS fhatsn s1Row could m - =
hungry crowd bs fed with five loayes aud two
fishes 2" "of, thst is easy enough. The re-
past was served On multiplication table,
Mr. Hiram T. Field, Of Fsris, Ne. lost a
examination found pieen Of wiz, about four
inches long imbedded in the heart of the AMI
NAL Hanatu1ally in-cow-ni1es how It came
there ~'~s'''
''cume here, mr dear, said a yuuuE man to
little sarl. to whose sister he waa paying his
addresses: You are the sweetest thing on
earth Nc; am not, - sl,e feplied, a1tlessly.
'"slster SAYS ron are The sweetest"
Ia " exclaimed an imaginative preacher,
Il ve Of Heaven. "methinks I hear q whisper r.
- sn' rs]olned deacon, rising N his seat
&. s SO t1 thepulpis, "1presume It's the boys in
There is again = movement in Washington
Con Gress. 4 correspondent says IS the feeling
very stron T."
4 -ich MN died in Maine, recently. and his
Inst words to his heirs we're: "rlant me NJ
soon MI I alucold, and don't cart me around
for side show. Remember Peabody" He
now eDjoyin himself
The fol1o@nE very Pretty compliment visa
paid to rocuE iady as tho Murray Hill socia-
BE. recently, BY gentleman who had not tho
pleasure Of nesting herfor two years "Ah!
liow do you DIP Hnve- l still the pleasure Of
addressing you as Miss: E-t?~ yea air.~
che replied. "Then," added the gallant Youth.
'thnt you arc stiIla1iss' E-t, T am suro is
not tho fan]t OF our sex1'
49, Af.SAk 4OA n TA&GIk EDklH Eayb III B&6 C1f-
culAr: - Undsrtaksrs who have t.seJ it pro
nounca it perfect 'succesa, and we ask YOU
to ,1E r. Il, free Of charge, and judge for your
When Alexander smi.lr czme back fso<n G1.s-
COW to Edinburgh, .. friend met him in the
street md asked: ..Haye you cons back for
a change Of air7" "No."~was the auilk reply
Of the poet, II haTa only coma fbr . change
Of smoke"
An inventive genius has produced IN appaz7-
tt1a nh h.oa ,u %e-
fastens upon The uoso gutta percha tubo
leading to the tympalum OF the ear When
ever the anorer enores he hi1nse1f receives the
hHt IMPRESSION, findS how di5agreexble it ia,
and, OF course, reforms
Let us re1nove temptation from the path
OF youth, " Az tho -hog said WHEN he plunged
stone-
A clergyman IN Pennsylvania has refused to
buy Marx Twain's book, and Is. m fact, dis
1usted With it. why" said ha TO the agent,
tho man who could weep 1t tfss tomb Of
Adam mnst bo an IDIOT"
SAKE, tte poet, recently felt sid bsoke hia
uua, N noticing vhitll the Lowel Courier OBJ
manently injured his hunmerus." 70 this aIr.
SAKE replies thnsly:
Thanks for your hcd condo snne :-J EurM write
4 meHJ rhyme, In answer, Y 5nutsnt:
But then-confuund the falIfthe very stone
That broke my hts=xras hurt my jt.nny y-aon< :"
Pauline, that woutd-ae synonym Of grace,
Possesses, did Fau say, an arg7i facc7
One se5aph trait IN her alone T see,
Angels art painted tllr, and 50 IS She
little boy, on returning ftun church Last
Sunday, Has asked by his mother where the
text Was. After considerable thinking tho lit
tie fellow replied, IT don't hardly remember,
but it WAS someA,ing about q hawk between
txo pigeons Tho ts1t was, 'SWhs halt 80
The first line Of ahSuu given out at q prayer
meeting 60 excited the curiosity Ct : little girl
that on returning home ahe asked for an e1-
planastiSop; S; the Inc !, as shs heard il vas:
patient ingenuity and m old hyrnn-book
solved the mystery: Tie original Of the above
translation VA:
"3ty crictes a huexn long ttas been"
It ia tumored in Harrisburg TINT Governor
Major General John ". Gca1E w7s recently IN
yited to address the children Of pnblic school,
and in alludinS to WzsEirgton's birthday put
the following: question: s. Now, hoys. why
should we Celebrate Waehington's birthday any
silence q little fellow at the foot Of the class
rcsa End repii1d. because ho never told Z
lie."
A xellkrown contributor to the press WIS
Ehoekcd to find his ph1see 'ssose rs cider down"
converted By the printer into t.soft As cider
brown"
what made yon quit the East :" said auaa
in Nevada 20 new conner A1gotinto troublo
= ss;a tho tSa oses "a the ne rssponss
cause got into trouble br naarr3;ng only one
wife" 'tAnl I" added b5stsnder, acame
here brcaase got tito trouble sn7plv By
prcmisfng to 1nazrT one
A ronpoas fa7nw recsastty made very IN
adequate. offer for = xsh1able propasty. md
calling 1tda:+Ior an answer, inqui>sd II the
ownef had entertained his propoitios@ "No,"
replisd the other, ''ysr rroposidca has an-
| teTt2ned me-"
Au.elierly 8ant.sHao, returning !p1ne from
tf, col nF fha
monte bis Een. SAID he ssJack, t have heard
one. Of tlls ulost delight fu1 scr13ons ever de-
m r bs bsfas as * eh;sn 4 as
lodge in = rct,lisd Jack you tiN neEet have
.pother such otnnce-"
The fal1owinS aneedots is aelated Of the
! French scu1rsor. Carrier De.hnae- He was
+ showing his ose.iT 70 wo<sHsan, who inno-
csptiy ssssd = Thst Is tse .5t & een7pture d
ample. . h1et Ike this," sad; the visitor, Mt
is as simple IS poesible,r. .sIs It roaI,v7 r
| Wish you would show me- with pleasure :
yon first tale . block OF marble, then . ch;ss4'
and ii opee proceed to sinp the block avae iii
there Is nothing left b.e,he bust! !"
Ihe few York Erehsng- Post asks the -iitas
ct Protect1onist papar TO Investigate cnhsso
4 the bleak March winds furnish Iaw EsIeial
foF consumption, and, II 20, what psps=c<snn
l hs proposea.
I An old bachelor is described as traseiler On
the proper conn7ctibna- ...
| Tipping in 0.bkoah Is called :. hothpg oom-
mEIication wish diseubottled srifisss
The kind OF 1oSk:rnithing that cen. 30 done
I in the shortest possible Eme-MaRlpe bolt
fu1 tho door,
Thcv ten coed sto-vof aee<tsfpwe11-hoNn
Trofcs. or 1t Natural Science Il was the GUS
tom Of tho Doctor to encourage his ge-
c1oRv cAss to collect specimens aud bring
them into the clAss fer anAlysia and classidcae.
lion. So. enc day, numbee Of specimens
we're Lid upon the tah1e, and among the1n
ono broken bit, which, although ssresked
and stained to impose On the Doctor, was
really nothing but piece Of common brick.
| In due time the prnfessox came to the spari
mems. Taking up the ore, hs SAYS At q glancs
This y = % nises Of bssyh IRON the cheahi1s
faldspaz from the Portland quanies thsI I n,sss
= piece Of quartz from Hadda1n; and this. =
coming to the brick, il piece Of impuIsnce
| from some member Of this claas'+
4 New London Sabbath school texchor sa;d
to httie boy recently: Suppose aoua bad
wicked hoy ahouh stop you On your way to
with hina- What would you say - Ehat
would say =" repeated the Ettse vae. ii
| would SAY, Shoe, fly, don't boSles me-. n,
bound for Sunday school.
And Satan smote Job with boils" is NOW
rendered: "And Satan smotA Job with circ,1r.
Hed BY pointed tumnts, AID supperatlng viii
central cores
Al I teachers' institute 1t the East ,ecent1v
! Lady teacher W2s given the word hazarr1o11s &
Rpen and define, and did it in this style. H-s-x
haz, a-r-d. ard: hazard, e-douhle-s, ess, hand
ess-a female hazard
A little girl, repeating heE Sunday sohooI lea
con, gaya , new ye,sion to f1nilsa1 paasa0e
we cannot eeEye God md mazmx,