The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-05-07
WIT AND WISDOM.

An old lady on train not far from La
tayette, hearing the brakeman sing out.
Burbank's Cut" praug to the door
and asked, is be hurt much u
YouNG ladies connundrum: What two
noblemen are mentioned in the New Testa-
ment Baron Fig Tree and Lord How
Long.
one Of the sages says: Don't 20 to
Law unless you have nothing to lose; /;
lawyers houses are built on fools heads.
That is q very fine WATCH" said one
negro to another; I" how much did they
charge for t7'' Dunno" was the
answer. "De man wasn't in de store
when bought it,"
i HAVE great love for old hymns"
said pretty girl to her masculine friend.
+" l am much fOnder," he replied, /" Of the
young hers"
THE sharp youth who was exhorted to
rise early, because his brother BY So doing
had fOuud q purse, replied that the fellow
who lost it must have risen earlier still.
A sHoDDY young lady surprised her
mother, on returning from dance, by say
ing that she enjoyed the hugging, set to
music. most bulIyly."
IN the old town Of W, in the Pine
tree State, lives one of those unfortunate
lords Of creation who has, in not very long
life, put on mourning for three departed
wives. But time assuages heart-wounds as
well as those Of the flesh. In due time, a
fourth was inaugurated mistress Of his heart
and house. He is q very prudent man.
and suffers nothing TO be wasted. When
the new mistress was putting things to
rights, while cleaning up the attic she came
across q piece Of board, and was about
launching it out Of the window, when little
Sadie interpOsed, and said f: /" Oh, don't
mamma that is the board papa lays out
his wives on, and be wants to save It ~
" I WILL preach from dat portion Of De
Scripture dis evening"" /" said colored dOmi-
ME, +" whar de 'pOstle Paul pints bis 'Pistle
at de 'phesianS. "
ALWAYS be gOOd-natnred if you can. A
few drops Of oil will do more to facilitate
the movement Of most stubborn machinery
than rivers Of vinegar.
DEAR ME-" exclaimed Stiggins, "that
new surgeon gave Squantum's boy d new
lip from The child's own cheek What a
painful operation it must have been T.
I've had pair Of lips taken from my
cheek more than once" replied Mrs. Stig-
gins, and it wasn't q painful operation al
all"
AT recent iremen's supper at Beloit,
the following toast was given: "The fire
men Of BelOit: Like old maids, may they
ever be ready, but never wanted"
AN author, reading bis drama, in the
greenroom, remarked that he knew nothing
80 terrible as reading piece before such a
critical audience. An actress present, said
she knew something more terrible than that.
" What is il - exclaimed the author.
" To be obliged to sit still and hear it.
she replied.
WITTY sayings are as easily lost as the
-psRrlg diypiHg UE y 'SFcksK-hniug; i5Ufe
word of Kindness is seldom spoken i'm vain.
Il is seed, which, even when dropped by
chance, springs upa flower.
"CAN you tell me how the word saloon
is spelt p was asked Of eOckney. Scr
tainly," said q Londoner, W look of
triumph, there's hess, and q hay, and
hell, and two hoes, and ben"
Two little girls were heard one morning
engaged in a dispute as to what their
mothers could do. The dispute was endeG
by the youngest child saying Well,
there's one thing my mother can do that
yours can't-my mother can take every
one of her teeth out at once"
RECENTLY, Captain Mason, of Way
Key, Florida, was standing on the porch
of his hotel, when an elderly lady came out
Of the buildiding. The rain had been fall
ing, and consequently the middle Of the
street was wet.
't / should like to cross the street with
out wetting my feet" said the lady.
" | can helP you to eros" the Captain
responded.
"Oh dearl / shall feel 80 much obliged
to you" the lady said " my feet have not
been wet In twenty years"
"FOr heavens sake, madame" said
Captain Mason, then don't show them
to me"