davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30

The following originally appeared in the
Buffalo Express. 1t IS so very good that 1t Will
bear many repetitions
C-p, an attache of one of the Pennsyl-
vana railroads, but we'll known in Buffalo as
all invetcratc practical joker, happened in
Cleveland the other day, and the weather being
mild, warm, he conceived the happy idea of
taking the fair object of his alteration out ri
ding. Donning his best suit, he started post
haste for the nearest livery stable. He was a
partial stranger in the vicinity, and the livery
stable keeper not knowing him, and imagining
possibly, from the state of nervous excitement
in which he presented himself Something was
up" refused to let him take horse and buggy.
"But," demonstrated C-P, II am good for
a dozen horses and buggies."
every we'll, then, leave me some security y
demanded the suspicious livery man.
GLOW much do you consider your darn'd
rig worth ?" angrily asked our FRIEND
"About $3.50"
"If I buy it now and pay you $3.50 in cash,
will you agree to buy it back for the same sum
when get through with it ?" asked C-p.
Certainly, sill" politely responded the own
or, who thought he saw chance for good
bargain.
"AlI right. Here's your money )" and jump
ing into the the vehicle, C-P drove off to
the residence of his expectant Angelina.
OF course she was ready, and of course a
pleasant drive was enjoyed. Up one and down
another of those beautifully laid out avenues
of Cleveland they rode, breathing the fresh and
balmy atmosphere ofa glorious spring day, ad-
miring the handsome residences which line the
streets C-P talking sweet nonsense all the
while, and Angelina looking as if she felt
transported to the seventh heaven of delight.
For two hours did the happy couple ride and
admire the newly y-developed beauties of nature,
when the sinking sun reminded our hero that
official duties awaited his attention; and leav-
ing his fair companion at the door of her resi-
dence, he drove back to the livery stable.
"Well," said he to the proprietor, 'you see l
am here again, and presume you arc ready to
buy this rig back"
dyes sir, trust I am man of my word, "
coolly responded that individual, at the same
time handing C-P $3.50 in greenbacks,
which our friend quietly slowed away in an in
side pocket, and was moving off, when
"HOld on here" cried the livery man, "you
havnt paid for your two hours use of this ere
horse and buggyF'
"What do you mcan?7 in turn responded
C-p: didn't buy that horse and buggy
of you two hours ago."
dyes"
"Well, then, what in the creation do you
mean by asking me to pay for the use of my
own rig 2" retorted C-P, as he moved of
with well-assrnred indignation, while the stable
hands and bystanders smiled audibly.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30

THE PoL1rcAL OUTLook.-The Albany
Argus has been reviewing the political situation
and prospects, and comes to the conclusion that
with proper effort the Democracy can carry the
following States:
New Hampshire, Connecticut. New York,
New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Mary
land, Virginia, North Carolina Georgia, Ala
bama, Louisiana, Texas, Akansas, Tennessee,
Kentucky, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Mime
sota Nebraska, Nevada, California and Oregon.
These States cast an aggregate of two hundred
and twenty-five electoral votes or more than
two-thirds of the whole number of the electoral
college The Nashville Union and American
has some doubts, however, as to the ability Of
the Democracy to carry New Hampshire, Wis
consin, Minnesota and Nevada. The "nativcs"
of those States are so thoroughly imbued with
Radicalism and fanaticsm that we fear whole
decade at least will elapse before they can be
brought to realizing sense of the error of
their ways and the need of repentance. The
other States named, with a fair election, will
give Democratic majorities, and those States
elect one hundred and sixty-two members of
Congress, two-thirds of whom should be Demo-
Gratis, and these, together with those members
we should elect in the more doubtful and Re
publican States would give us majority in the
next House of Representatives. The prospect
is very fattering for the Democrats to carry the
next House of Representatives by agood work
ing majority, and the Radicals feel that this IS
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30

BREAKING 1T GENTLY.-"Yes, remember
that anecdote," the Sunday-school Superinten-
dent said, with the old pathos in his voice and
the old sad look in his eyes. "It was about a
simple creature named Higgins, that used to
haul rock for old Maltby. When the lamented
Judge Bagley trippcd and fell down the Court
House stairs and broke his neck, it was great
question how to break the news to poor Mrs
Bagley. But finally the body was put into
Higgins wagon and he was instructed to take
it to Mrs B., but to be very guarded and dis
Greet in his language, and not break the news
to her at once, but to do it gradually and gent
ly. When Higgins got there with his sad
freight he shouted till Mrs. Bagley came to the
door. Then he said:
"'Does the widder Baglcy live here?
THE uidow Bagley? No, sirp
"Ill bet she does. But have it your own
way. Well does Judge Bagley live here?
ayes, Judge Bagley lives here
"I'll bet he don't. But never mind-it amt
for me to contradict. Is the Judge in?'
"'No, not at present
"T Jest expected as much. Because, you
know-take hold o sumthin', mum, for I'm
a. going to make little communication, and l
reckon maybe it'll jar you some. There's been
an accident, mum. I've got the old Judge
curled up out here in the wagon-and when
you see him you'll acknowledge, yourself, that
an inquest is about the only tlrfng that could be
a comfort to him P"-Mdrk IiCain.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30
, WESTERN AD1sE.-The climate O

A WESTERN PARADIsE.-The climate of
Arizona in winter is finer than that of Italy
1t would scarcely be possible to suggest an i'm
provement 1 never experienced such exqui-
site Christmas weather as We enjoyed during
our sojourn. Perhaps fastidous people might
object to the temperature in the summer, when
the rays of the sun attain their maximum force
and the hot winds sweep in from the desert.
1t is said that Il wicked soldier died here, and
was consigned to the fiery regions below for his
manifold sins I; but being unable to stand the
rigors of its climate, was sent back for his
blankets. have often heard complaint that
the thermometer failed to show the true heat,
because the mercury dried up. Everything
dries-wagons dry, men dry, chickens dry; /;
there is no juice left in anything living or dead,
by the close of summer. Officers and soldiers
are supposed to walk about creaking mules, it
is said, can only bray at midnight, and j have
heard it hinted that the carcasses of cattle rat
tie inside their hides, and that snakes find a
difficult in bending their bodies, and horned
frogs die of apoplexy. Chickens hatched at
this season, come out of the shell already cook
ed bacon is eaten with spoon, and butter
must stand an hour in the sun before tie flies
become dry enough for use.-John Ross Bro~ne.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30
aNo moro ont Hul, a, thou lov'st me"

TRUE CHAR1rY.-Night kissed the young
rose, and it bent softly to sleep. Stars shone,
and pure dew-drops hung upon its bosom, and
watched its sweet slumbers. Morning came
with its dancing breezes, and they whispered to
the young rose, and it awoke joyous and smil-
ing. Lightly it danced to and fro in all the
loveliness of health and youthful innocence.
Then came the ardent sun-god, sweeping from
the East, and he smote the young rose with his
scorching rays, and it tainted. Deserted and
almost heart-broken, it dropped to the dust in
its loneliness and despair. Now the gentle
breeze, which had been gamboling over the sea,
pushing on the home-bound bark, sweeping
over hill and dale-by the neat cottage and still
brook--turning the old mill, tanning the brow
of disease, and frisking the curls of innocent
hildhood-came tripping along on her errands
of mercy and love; and when she saw the
young rose she hastend to kiss it, and fondly
bathed its forehead in COOL refreshing showers,
and the young rose revived and looked up and
smiled in gratitude to the kind breeze but she
hurried quickly away her generous task was
performed, but not without reward; for she
soon perceived that delicious fragrance had
been poured on her wings by the grateful rose !;
and the kind breeze was glad in heart, and
went away singing through the trees aaaus
true Charity, like the breeze, gathers fragrance
from the dropping flowers it refreshes, and un-
consciously reaps reward in the performances
of its offices of kindness, which steals on the
heart like a rich perfume, to bless and 10 cheer
Thompson.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30

A MODEL SpEEcH.-A Toledo paper gives
this as a correct report of n speech recently
delivered by o Radical member of q school
board in that section:
Mr.. Cheerman, rise for to-that is to make
a motion, which is as follows Resolued, that
there are no need to build such costive school
hossen as some of this ere board is proposin' to
rect. No, Mr.. Chcerman, I'm posed to spend
in money for more housen. The old ones are
pretty slick house which will cost ten thousand
dollars, or more yit, its all wasted. Its no con-
omy to throw away money we don't need
Taxes cost money, and money has to 60 to pay
taxes, and let us expense with any more school
housen.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30

"A contemporary, noticing the appoint
ment of friend as postmaster, says: "If he
attends to the mails as we'll as he does to the
females, he will make very attentive and
efficient officer"
An exchange says: "You might as we'll
attempt to shampoon the head of all elephant
with thimbleful of soapsuds, as to attempt to
do business and ignore printers ink" That's
so.
An assistant marshal, in taking the census
in Louisville, asked a colored woman what
personal property she possessed, and received
the sober reply: Nothing but desc three chill
drcn we're, and they amt wuth much"
"A certain boarding house was very much
infested by vermin. A gentleman who slept
there one night, told the landlady SO in the
morning, when she said: "La, sir, we haven't
a single bug in the house" HNo ma'am, said
he, "theyre all married, and have large fami-
lies, too"
= Imagination, tcw mulch INDUCED in, soon
is tortured into reality; this is one way that
good hoss thieves are made; man leans over
a fence all day, and imagnes the hoss belongs
tu him, and sure enuf, the fust dark night, the
hoss does
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30

AN AMUSING INCIDENT.-One of the most
ludicrous incidents which ever disturbed the
equanimity of Court of Justice, occurredi then
trial of a case during the present Term before
Judge Orr. 1t was enough to have provoked
a smile from Old Rhadamanthus himself, much
more from the genial temper and serene benig-
nifty of the presiding Judge.
1t occurred in this wise Some progress had
been made IN the case of the State against Vir-
Gil Madden, the learned counsel had been dis
cussing the relevancy of certain evidence, and
the Judge with the scales of cvcn-handed JUS
tcc suspended, was applying the legal tests,
when 10 one of the jury seats was discovered
to be yacant-and one of the twelve units
which make up the integral whole of the jury
wisdom was found to be wanting. Who made
the discovery we believe is rs unsettled ques-
ton, as the identity of the person "who struck
Billy Patterson" But the discovery WAS made,
and constable posted after the detaulter. AS
might be supposed he proved to be some Of our
colored brethren, and with the innocence ofthc
lamb, and the Difference of master of cere-
monies, faced the irate Judge. The following
colloquy thereupon ensued
Judgc-What did you mean, sir, by leaving
your seat without the permission of the Court
Juror thought, sir, whilst you was talking,
I'd step out bit"
Judge-Do you not know, sir, that you are
sworn to try this case, and to hear the evidence.
Juror-Yes, sir, but heard right smart, and
thought that was enough.
This last rejoinder was the feathers weight
that broke the camers back and upset the gray
ity of the Court, jury, Bar, ct. al. The thun-
ders of the law were powerless, justice was dis
armed, and mercy held its own. The juror was
requested to take his seat The Court felt that
lecture would have been out of place. Like
the wagner whose apples were split, he felt he
Couldn't do the subject justice" 1t was sgd
ncy Smith, we think, who said that it would re-
quire surgical operation to implant hnnaor.
ous perception into a certain individuals head
the Court we believe, felt it to be equally
difficult to engraft perception of legal obliga-
ton into that jurors brain.-AJbeuiHc Press ana
Banner
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30

Miss NORA O'NEAL TALKS BIZ Miss
O'Neal has answered the chap who called her
darling" Sweet" and all that. Here it is;
"Oh! you say you are lonely without me,
that you sigh for one glance of my eye: you're
blarncying always about me-Oh why don't
you to papa app Y? You men are so very de-
ceiving, L can't believe aught that you say
your love will only believe in when my joint
ure is made 'au fait.'
"This trash about eyes, voice and glancing
may do for a miss in her teens; but ne who to
me makes advances must talk of his bank stock
and means. You beg me to go galiyanting, to
meet you at the foot Of the lane-with kiss,
too! why man you are rantin do you think
am wholly insane2 When you WOO lady o.
sense, sir don't whine about sorrow and tears
il's matter of dollars and cents sir, no tale OF
romance interferes. o. poverty is not very
funny, (my style I'll not try to conceal,) if
can't get a husband with money, I'll live and
die Nora O'Neal."
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30
Girls Should Learn to Keep House.

No Young lady can be too well instructed in
anything which will affect the comfort OF
family. Whatever position in society she oc-
cupies, she needs practical knowledge OF
household duties. She may be placed in such
circumstances that it will not be necessary Tor
her to perform much domestic labor; but On
this account she needs no less knowledge than
If she was obliged to preside personally over
the cooking stove and the pantry. Indeed,
have thought that it is more difficult to direct
others, and requires more experience, ethan to
do the same work with our own hands.
Mothers are frequently so nice and particu-
lar that they do not like to give up any part of
the care to their children. This is great mis-
burdened with labor and need relief. Children
should be early taught to make themselves use
full to assist their parents every way i'll their
power, and to consider it aprivilege to do so,
Young people cannot realize the Importance
of a thorough knowledge of housewifery; but
those who have suffered the Inconvenience and
modification Of ignorance can we'll appreciate
it. Children should be early INDUCED in their
disposition to bake and experiment in various
ways. 1t is often but troublesome help that
they afford still it is great advantage to them
1 know little girl who at nine years old made
a loaf of bread every week during the winter
Her mother taught her how much yeast, salt
and flour to use, and she became quite an ex-
pert baker Whenever she is disposed to try
her skill in making simple pies or cakes, she is
permitted to do So She is thus, while anus
ing herself, learning an important lesson. Her
mother calls her little houskeeper, and often
permits her to get what is necessary for the ia
BILE. She hangs the keys by her side, and very
musical is the jingling to her ears. think be-
fore she is out of her teens, upon which she
has not yet entered, that she will have some
idea how to cook.
Some mothers give their daughters the care
of housekeeping, each week by turns. 1t
seems to me a good arrangement and a most
useful part of their education. Domestic labor
is by no means incompatible with the highest
degree of refinement and mental culture. Many
of the most elegant, accomplished women L
have known, have looked we'll to their house
hold duties, and have honored themselves and
their husbands by so doing.
Economy taste, skill in cooking, and neat
ness of the kitchen, have great deal to do in
making life happy and prosperous. The charm
of good housekeeping is in order, economy and
taste displayed in attention to little things; and
these things have wonderful influence. A
dirty kitchen and bad cooking have driven
many one from home to seek comfort and
happiness somewhere else. None of our ex-
cellent girls are fit to be married until they are
thoroughly educated in the deep and profound
mysteries of the kitchen.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30

Fun IN CorRr-Thc New York Lockport
Union prints good joke which was lately per-
petrated upon Judge Baker while presiding in
the Supreme Court in that city. On reassem-
bling after dinner one of the twelve jurymcn
was rather slow in making his appearance, so
tardy, in fact, that impatience at the seeming
unnecessary delay was plainly manifest in the
countenances of the learned gentlemen of the
bench and bar. The tiresome and vexatious
monotony was relieved, however, by the follow
ing laughable incident: A dog had accompa-
MED his master to court, and while hunting
around the room for s. comfortable place in
which to ensconce himself, very luckily, as he,
no doubt, supposed, found the unoccupied chair
of the absent juryman, and, without waiting to
be summoned Immediately took possession
thereof The Judge, addressing the learned
and eloquent Hon. A. p. Laning, of Buffalo,
said: "You see, Mr.. Laning, that the jury
mems seats are all occupied Are you ready to
proceed" The distinguished pleader raised
his glasses to his eyes, and, after brief survey
of the jury-box, made the following witty re-
ply: "Your Honor, the fellow might dc for a
Judge, but should hate to trust him fora jury
man" The good-natured Judge joined heartily
in the merry laugh that followed, and proved
that he could take as well as give joke
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30

- Mrs. Smith has company to dinner, and
there arc not strawberries enough, and she looks
at Mr.. Smith with sweet smile, and offers to
help him lat the same time kicking him gently
with her slipper under the table,. He always
replies, "No, thank you my dear, they don't
agree with me-"
- Jenkins says: "The profusion and color
of her hair would lead one to look upon it rs
though it was spun by the nimble fingers of the
easy hours as they glided through bright June
days, whose sunny rays of light had been caught
in the mcshcs, and were content to 60 no father" ;"
Joe Bowers expresses the same thing by saying
'sHer hair was awful red''
- Josh Billings says life is like a mountain
after climbing up one sidc and sliding down
the other, we put up the sled.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30

THOUGHT HE'D WADE-Itwas election day,
and Grimes having assisted on the occasion by
the deposit of his vote and the absorption of as
much old rye as he could walk under, started
with two of his neighbors, who we're in the same
state of elevation, to make their way to their
homes. They had to cross the Wissahiekon
creek by foot-bridge constructed by single
log thrown across and hewed fat on the upper
side, but without any band-rail to aid in the
transit There would have been no difficulty
with clear head and steady legs in crossing, but
with our party it was felt to be not devoid Of
difficulties under the existing circumstances
However, the creek must be crossed. Grimes
friends took the lead, and with much swinging
of arms and contortion of the body, reached the
farther side. 1t was now Grimes turn to face
the music and making bold start, s he succeed
ed in getting about one-third of the way over,
when loud splash to his friends +s that
it being about up to his breast, he quietly said
as if his course was the result of mature de
liberation: 81 guess I'll wade p
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30
GEORGE w. CARPENTERS
Compound Fluid Extract Of Sarsa~
parilla.
GEORGE w. CARPENTERS
Compound Fluid Extract ofBuchu

THESE celebrated preparations, originally in
troduced by George W. Carpenter, under the pat
ronage of the medical faculty, have been so long
extensively used by Physicians and others, that
they nre generally known for their intrinsic value,
and can be relied on as being most valuable REM
edes in all cases where Sarsaparilla or Buchu are
applicable, and cannot be too highly recommend
ed They are prepared in highly concentrated
form, so ms 10 render the dose small and conyen-
lent. Orders by mail or otherwise will receive
prompt attention.
GEORGE W. CARPENTER, HENSZEY & CO.,
Wholesale Chemical Warehouse,
No. 1877 Market street, Phiadelphis.
For sale by Walters Baker and W. H, Nardin
g. Co., Anderson, s. C. Dowie & Noise, Whole
sale Agents, Charleston, s. C.
Oct q, 1869 II
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30
Greenville & Columbia Railroad.

GENERAL SUPERINTENDENT'S OFFICE, !
COLUMBIA, January Is, 1870.
ON and after WEDNESDAY, January 10, the
following Schedule will be daily, Sunday e1-
cepted, connecting with Night Train on South
Carolina Road, up and down, and with Nigh
Train on Charlotte Columbia and Augusta Road
going North
1--we Columbia 100 nj 1--we Grecnvle s. As m
Alston S.4Oa Anderson 6.25 m
Z" Newb'ry 10. 10 m Abbeville 500 . nj
Arr. Abbevile 800 IN Newb'ry l2.55 m
Anderson Ago m Alsion 2.10p m
X" Gr'nville 500 IN Arr Columbia 3.45 p m
Tile Train will return from Delton to Anderson
on Monday and Friday mornings.
JAMES D. MEREDITH, Gen. Supt.
Jan 90, 1870 30
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30
THE PoLICY-H0LDERg
LIFE AND TONTINE ASSURANCE COMPANY
OF THE SOUTH.


20 Broad Street, Charleston, s. c.,
TAv1NG deposited $4,000 with The Comp
III troller General for the protection of its
policy holders, will issue the usual forms of Life
and Endowment Policies.
N,s the most liberal Company to the Assured III
the World.
The Charter guarantees to the assured the cash
surrender palue of his policy after one annual pre-
mium has been paid, except in case of fraud.
1t is the only purely mutual Company in the
South.
1t has no Stockholders. All surplus profits
must be divided among the policy-hoIders.
It's thoroughly conservative.
Its investments are confned by charter to the
most solid securities, and it is under management Of
men of we'll established ability and integrity.
Persons desiring any information will please
communicate with any of the officers.
WM McBURNEY, President.
E. P. ALEXANDER, Vice Pres. and Act.
GEO. E. BOGGS, Sec and Gen. Agent.
JOHN T. DARBY, NJ. D., Med. Adviser.
JAMES A. HOYT, Local Agent for Anderson,
and DR.. THOS. A. EYJNS, Medical Examiner.
April 81, 1870 43
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30

Envious people should not always crust to
first impressions. A venerable Danbury lady,
of rather crcduous turn of mind and poor
stretch of vision, saw pair Of grays dash by
her window one day last week, and, in an agony
of envy, she shook her fist at the establish
ment and cried out: 'FRide, darn ye; it will be
my turn by-and-by." The handsome grays
were attached to hearse
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-06-30

- The following conundrum was cooked in
forty minutes to make it sufficiently hard
What is the difference between donkey and
the only empire in South America? The one
brays we'll and the other Brazil.
- What is the difference between the en-
trance of barn and loafer in printing
officc7 One is barn door and the other IS
darn bore.