The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1870-03-04
DINING WITH a CANNIBAL.
By Mark Twain.

AT SEA, Pacihc Ocean,
November 20, 1859.
s,,Tust at this instant, continued the
King. s.she reached him, and he was saved.
for. as the shark opened his great jaws, she
thrust her RdbOoSh between them, noble
girl propped them wide apart, ran her
arm down his throat, into his gullet, and
recovered the gentleman's watch Come
here. child, and show the foreigner the
sharks tooth-marks on your shoulder.
81 see, 1 see. 1t was an intrepid deed.
It was noble to save the poor white man
from SO ghastly death. And this is the
girl that Taught you to add bread-fruit to
the poi"
"Yes, the same-the very same. To
four.tiagsr poi, you understand-not to all
sorts. 1 VIII show you-I will make you
understand In the Sandwich Islands and
the Marquesas they make poi out of taro-
root only. Then, you know, they wouldn't
dream Of. However. l was going to
tell yoH. The natives takes the tara-root,
which is much like what you describe a
turnip to be, and wraps it. in plantain
leaves. and puts it in hole In the ground
which he has lined with hot stones, don't
YOU see?-covers it up, lets it roast. Takes
it out, pounds it in a great stone dish with
a large stone pestle; adds water to this
mash, from time to time, to thin 1T He
sets it away (it is poi, now) IN large GALA
bashes Itlooks like so muchshour paste.
At meals all the family and friends SIT
around the calabash on their launches,
lust as you or 1 are doing-except that the
poor common KGEaIods are naked, Of
course. OH no, my friend-because You
see nae, the great King, In short collar ana
spectacles, you must not imagine that the
common subject must ape grandeur and
put on clothes. They sit around the Gala
bash, and all eat from it with their hands.
Each inserts his fingers and stlrs them
briskly around till portion of the pulpy
mss adheres to them-then tits back hls
head, lets the suspended tail of the pulp de-
scend into his open mouth-then his I'm
gers follow, and he sucks the remainder
rom them" Now if the pulp be thick, you
can use one finger; if it be thinner, you
must use two, or three, or four fingers, &c
cordingly. But, as told you, it was this
inspired girl that invented the method of
thickening four finger poi with bread-fruit
and also favoring it with carcasses Of the
delicious bird which in your tongue you
term the grasshopper.
Blessed girlr' -
BLESSED girl, indeed Butpardon me
you-yo1 seem distressed" .-.t
'sIt is nothing. Poi, even in its native
nastiness, is only mildly delicious to me
the addition to it of the wild game you
mention"
,ssAh. say no more. Iperceive. But try
this dish. It is fry of bananas and plan
tAins. with oranges sliced in it and just
spoonful or so of the delightful chirimoya
added to give it tone. conceived the idea
of adding the angleworms. -
'.It was inspiration.
81 SO regarded it. 1t is so considered by
the great chiefs. To the common herd it is
:abu. That is to say prohibited. Now as
regards those missionaries, continued the
King. rehectively scratching his head with
the fork which had presented him, and
which he had already learned to use q good
deal, though not always in a strictly legiti-
mate way, 'tas regards those mission
arles. I viii say, that their landing
here was unexpected, but I hastened
to give them every protection. And
gave them full privilege to teach. They
were the first whites that some Of my peo-
ple had seen, and Of course these simple
natives had natural curiosity to 0peri-
ment upon theml 1 could not reasonably
deny them this little qualification, thought
counseled them TO practice as little cruelty
upon the strangers as was compatible with
a fair desire for information and the neces-
sitv of wholesome amusement. They re-
moved Johnson's ears, and that was thing
which regretted seriously until it was ex-
planned to me that great chiefs little sick
child desired them to play with, and If you
could have seen how much more contented
and restful the poor young thing was after
il ACQUIRED them, YOU would have felt how
blessed a thing ii is to be able to contrib
ute to the happiness of even little child
sIt was the impulse of generous heart
it was spirit of iberality as rare as it is
beautiful. And how did johnson ike it?"
s'Oh, johnson said it was the will of God.
Il was like johnson to say that. But the
were right well treated, on the
whole. The natives tried various interest
ing experiments upon them, such as scOrch-
ing them, and scalping them, and all that
sort of thing, and killed one ofthem my
self. not in malice, but because I had a
curious caprice to see how he would go
with onions. He was failure. Old and
tough. Underdone, my godhine said-a
shade TO venerable l said. Give me pun
geney and tenderness for Combination.
Onions and infancy is my idea of comfort.
But here comes dish which you will like,
NV GOOD hdoLe-baked dog and yams-pro-
iect your teeth In this direction, and nip
this slice from the contrivance you
cali fork. A man, if he be any
thing of an epicure, is bound
to like this dish. 1t is, par excellence, the
national dish-nc hLqa is complete without
It. A hIau is grand feast, nay friend
that is what the word means. Do you
know that the edible dog of this land is a
perfectly proper and elegant beast for hu-
man consumption 1t is even 80. He Is
never, never allowed to touch meat. He is
fed wholly on poi-a strictly vegetable
diet He is reared in the house sleeps
With his owner, male or female-rides
horseback with them-traYels in the boat
with them-is their inseparable pet and
They love him tenderly in
life, and In death they turn not away from
him. They eat him. They stuff his cody
full of plaintains, bananas, yams, and 9TH
er dainties, and cook him among hot stones
buried IN q hole In the ground. Not a
breath of the aroma, not drop Of the
combined juices escapes. You people
don't know how to cook. No, as l was
saving, the Kanakas exper1mented good
deal on the missionaries. In the inter
est of science, and thus the experiments
we're generally fatal, though urged them
not to waste the missionaries, for we could
not know wheIAwe would have another lot.
But among those that suryiy. was Will
liams. and 1t was he that sent home those
damaging reports to your country, in which
he spoke of the treatment of his brothers
In peegish, ult-fnding spirit, i'll becom-
ing to his sacred calling. | suppose your
people believed every word of it, and just
jumped to the conclusion that We were a
bad, inhospitable race. Never explained
about Johnson's ears, perhaps ?-neYer told
lukv killed that other fellow ?-eonfound
me, It does seem to me that some people
take pleasure in misrepresenting things,
and bringing obloquy upon their fellow
creatures Sometimes feel as if I had
rather be dead and at rest. The world
seems SO shameless IN its judgments, and
ones life is SO embittered by the malicious
criticisms of those whose hearts are not in
sympathy with him.
1T soGs pitifnl in that Williams, after all
YOU had done for his party.
II should say so But never mind, let
us be cheerful anyway. How are you max
ing out Let me help you to a fried plain.
tain. Take some more of the pup? No
Try soyne of the human being By George