Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-12-09


And within her lap there fingers
All the gold the twain can need
HUmOr.
A sweet strain-clear honey.
A eraye affair-the last ditch
A lost art-family government.
A strong base-one made of iron.
A bad policy-one that has run out.
Floating capital-rich people in bathing.
Chicken recreation is the new name in
Louisiana for cock-fghts.
Every unmarried lady Of forty has passed
the point Of Good Hope.
It is hard to remember the poor on full
stomach
A cramped waist betokens brains in
similar condition.
Why is dancing like milk2 Because it
strengthens the calves.
When is a fowls neck like bell? When
it is wrung for dinner.
Society is said to be nothing but mix
ture OF miseries and miss-eries
Can cross examination be goodnatured
one?
The most unsociable things are milestones;
you never see two of them together.
Why is the figure nine like peacock
because its nothing without its tail.
Why are good resolutions like fainting
ladies? They want carrying out.
Motto for fancy goods dsaler-'now,
all men buy these presents
How in the world can floating debt be
paid ont Of a sinking fund?
Motto for lawyers-be brief; for doctors,
be patient for potters, be ware.
Who killed the most poultry2 Hamlet's
uncle, for he did murder most foul
Free inquirers-internal revenue asses
sors and census enumcrators.
The proverb thai stolen kisses are sweet,
is enforced by the fact that they generally
come from lasses.
If you want to become real estate agent
marry rich wife.
The first part Of married life is the shine
of the honeymoon; the rest, too often, COM
mon moonshine.
If hens would do as much laying around
as the loafers do, eggs would be as plenty
as bank robberies.
1t is nearly as impossible to get money
out of miser as it would be for butcher
to get lamb chops out Of a battering ram.
The difference between bouquet of flow
ers and the bouquet of wine is, that one
makes nosegay and the other gay nose.
I'm going to the postoffice, Tom; shall I
inquire for your We'll, yes, if you want
to; but don't think you'll find me there.
Hanging in Montana is styled climbing
the pine limb : in Nevada, 'early rising ;
and in Tennessee, climbing sapling'
is molasses good for cough 2 inquired
youth with heavy cold. 1t ought to be |
it is sold for consumption was the re-
ply.
Some Of the Illinois farmers are marrying
the dumb females from the Jacksonville |
asylum, and they declare that they make
dumb good wives.
When Socrates was asked whether it we're
better for man to get married or live sin
gle, he replied Let him do either, and be
will repent it,
A WEIGH PRoyERB. woman was as
quick with her feet as with her tongue,
she'd catch lightning enough to kindle the
fire in the morning.
Onion lozenges are the latest invention
in the confectionery line. They are intended
for the use of lovers and ladies who are |
troubled with gentlemen who make long
calls.
Old Mrs. Pilkins was reading the foreign
news by late arrival Cotton is decliningv |
exclaimed the old lady. We'll, thought as
much, the last thread I used was remarka
bly, feeble
A gentleman of this city who paid his |
wife's milliner's bill the other day, says the
siege Of Paris hasn't had half the effect |
upon the fashions that he had supposed it |
would.
There is a Selvian prince in the Prussian
army whose name is so long that a comma
ny Of engineers have been ordered to level
down the consonents and use it az pontoon
bridge
A clergyman reading a chapter of the
Bible for his congregation, found himself at
the bottom of the page with the words.
And the Lord gave Noah wife !" Their
turning ever two pages instead of one. he
continued, 'and he pitched her within and
without with PITCH
john said a poverty stricken man to
his son, 'l've made my will to-day sAh!
you were liberal to me, no doubt yes.
John, I've come down handsome. Pye
willed you the whole State of Virsinia-to
make living in, with the privilege of going
elsewhere, if you can do better
While passing house in Virginia, two
drummers observed a very peculiar chin
ney, unfinished, and it attracting their at
tention they asked faxen-haired urchin
standing near the house if it 'drawed welI,'
whercupon the aforesaid urchin replied
yes, it draws the attention of all the id
fools that pass this road
The following scene recently occurred in
ora IF our courts hefwnan the .Tudva and a |