South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1870-08-05
W.T. AND IIUrIoIs.

know very well that if L touch you
touch a dog
ETA Mi5sourian who tried to live in
Minnesota has returned, disguised. He
says they have mine months of winter, and
the rest Of the year it's ID late in the fall
Es5-'A penny for your thoughts, said a
lover to his distracted sweetheart. They
arc not worth it, she replied, Il was think
ing Of you
ETA little boy three years old, who
has brother of three months, gave as
reason for the lattor's good conduct Baby
doesn't cry tears because he doesn't drink
any water, and be can't cry milk
E1-A clerk in an Erie hotel has mag
llficont scheme in view 1t is a circular
hotel, to rest on pivot like a locomotive
turn table. The object is to give every
guest fgont room,' Chat being an a!mos,
invariable request Icy assigning guests to
the places then in front, and turning them
20 enc rear upon the advent Of others
TIE Two FARMERS IA good story is
told Of ! couple Of farmers who lived few
miles apart. One day one called On the o.
ihcr happcning around at dinner time
The person called upon, by the way, was
peuurious old follow. lie was seated a,
the table enjoying his meal. The visitor
drew TO tho stove, looking very wstfully to-
ward the table, expecting the farmer to ask
linn to dine. The old farmer kept on eating
what's tho news up your way, neigh
borH (Still eating) mo news, CHI
mo, belvO not presently thought
struck the vsitor.) 'Well, yes, friend,
did hear of one item Of news that's worth
something
'lla, what is that Z?
'Neighbor Jones has u cow that has FIVE
calves
is that so? Good gracious What in
thunder does the fifth calf do when the 9TH
ors are sucking?'
why he stands and looks on, just as
DO like n dumb fool
Mary, put on another plate
MARY AND MARTHA.'-On one occa-
sion there was gathering of friends at the
house of the late DIR. Archer, Of London
Among other guests were DR.. Harris, au-
thor of 'NIammon,' and De. Philip Of Ma
berry Chapel, the worthy author Of The
AIarthas,' The Mays etc In the course Of
conversation the question was mootod, which
was the most amiablo of the two sisters of
BOTANY, Mary or Martha Dr. Archer
Immediately replied, q prefer Martha for
the unsolishness Of her character, in 5oing
more ready 10 provide for tho comforts of
her Lord than to crafty herself PRAY
rajoined DR. Harris, addressing DR.. Philip,
what is your view which Of the two Do
YOU think would have made the best wifc?'
We'll, really replied the good man, 4 am
at loss; though, I dare say, were 1 max
ne tho choice for myself. I should prefer
Mary Mr.. Archer, turning to Or. rIay
ris, faid, amarily, pray, Dr. Harris,
which Of the two should you prefer 2
Tho author Of Mammon' was only for
moment Disconnected, ana replied in a style
that set the table in roar, oh | think I
should choose Martha JcI3rc dinner, and
Mary after it
F.1- Madame, said old Brown to his
boarding house keeper. 'in primitive coun-
t'ios beef is often legal tender; but,
Madame he said cmphatically, ihrusting
his fork into tho steak, all the laws IN
Christonlom could not make this beef ten
dor
TmE LATEST FISH SroRY.-Tho cdi-
tor Of q western paper has been in The coun.
try, trouting, and is responsible for this
Gsh story \ iovial old gentleman whom
wo met in our travels told story lfor thc
truth Of which we do not vouch) &c nus
rato tho number of fishermen upon the
s,rcnms a i,w days ago, he sail, Il was
crossing bridge over Swin River, when
heard ug uauy called looked around
90 see who .Fo' So person WI Ia sight.
anI J was bout TO pass on. when my eve
fell upon arz. trout saulin, rrru his
f1jI in lhc river looking % though he had
spoken 90 me. pl YOU speak, ". TDu.y
ail !! d did, sir, sail be; Il wish 10 in.
quirs .lis IS lho way 10 BiosfrI, Sill"
1tis' s1i1F. 'Ain't there no other route p
Hal h- Coo- not e,ilI, unlcsr y.e
q, Joy land Why Ja you ask " Eccaus.
'a, riser g 70 full Of these G.hhoeas Gat
can never re, W lhis way