, 1870-06-12
A Temperance Discourse I'm Reply to
a Correspondent.

DnEsu1nE: Who it waz that invented al
chohol, I am unable tew tell without Icing
tho rest Of us, il he and the ticker had both ov
them been split on tho ground and never bin
eopped up since.
Tic devil himself, with al biz genius for =
ten strike, could not have rolled 4 bali more
serviceAble for hiz bizncss on Garth and more
certain to quarter On the head pin, and sweep
the alley every time. Rum is the devils stool
pigeon, biz right bower, hiz high, low, Jack
| aud tho game.
A grate menny, with dyspeptio morals, arsy
thAt Iickor Is indispensable for manufacturing
snd docktor purposes and also f9E meksnlkal zsil
barn that would stand, without emmy good old
| Jamaka run, and sum say that pudding SASS,
without emmy spirits in it, IL no healthier than
common goose grease.
But auf ov theze arc furnished FREQ ov cost,
| by the Devil himself, and emmy man who i'd
I vanccs them IL telling (without knowing it
| perhaps) lies that will weigh, at q run esti-
| mate, at least pound apiece. But mi OBJ
jeckt in these IN preliminus remarks IL tew
| git good chance to tell what i know about
| Us manufacturing and metaphysical agent.
jersey lightning IL cider brandy, three
hours old, still born, and quicker than flash.
This juice IL drunk raw by AL tho old sports,
and makes premonltory and kissing noize az
it winds down the thrut, like an old she-
4
icc-water. three horns day ov this lick1er
| will tan mans interior in six months, 30 that
he kan awnllow q live, eir.f0oted krnb, feet
fuet, and not waste wink.
It don't fat man (ciler brandy dont) ik Q
I wliekee dug, but Fuckers him up like frlod
potataze. II a man kan survive the fust three
years of jersey lightning. he is safe then for
the next rs years to come, and keeps looking
every day more like a three-year-old red pep
per nod, hotter and hotter. An old cider
brandy drinker will steam, in sudden shower
OF rain like Il pile ov stable manure, and biz
breath smells like the bnnglole ov rum cask
lately emptyed.
lilo bling turpcntine and tcayens, half-and-
half, and will ralse blood blister on q pair
ov old kowhide broganH in IS ninnets, and
applied externally viii cnre the rumatism
OF kill the patient, I forget which. The fnst
horn man takes ov this lickor will make him
think ho haz swallowed gaslight, and he will
70 out behind the barn and try to die, but
kant. The oyes Of en- old ciderbrandlst, Ike
deep gashes kut into ripe tomato, his noze
is tie komple1ion ov hall billed lobster, and
the grizzle in hiz gullet sticks out like an elbo
in d tin leader.
Tho more rillainous the drink the more in
veterato arc those who drink it. kant tell
yer whether cider-brandeo will shorten an old
suckers eyes or not, for they generally out]iEe
all the rest ov the naboba, and die just as soon
I as tho old tavern st.nd changes hands and IL
opened on tempeEansc principles. One
/ bottle ov eassAparitla or ginger popp IL az
fatal tew theze old fellers az rifle ball IL tew =
IwoaId do almoste enuything but murder
| tew save yung man from jersey lightning,
but trieing few save m old one Il like t1ieing
tew put the fire out ov hol1er log; IN might
az well let it burn up, for the ashes Il worth
moro than the logg.