The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1870-02-18
My silver Wedding.
BY MOSES SKINNER.

~ oei"S JUS" tWeuty -ufc years
since my first wife died, 1 thought
couldn't better celebrate the event
tLan by having grand silver we'd.
ding. Alas! twenty. five brief sum
mers, and it seems but day before
yesterday since l returned from her
funeral an altered man, and told the
undertaken to call round for his pay
in the fall.
The great trouble in silver we'd
dings is that you are apt to get two
or three presents alike, but l flatter
myself that l fixed 'cm here. In
the first place, Mrs. skinner and |
looked over our stock Of silver ware
to sec what We were, out Of, and
found that We coul! take abs ut twen-
ty-hve square presents without GET
ting bilious; and then We invited q
few children in reference to nut
crackers, butter-knives, ard other
small fry. | issued my invitations
two weeks beforehand. to give every
body chance to buy a present, and
in addition limited in a delicate man
ner what l should like each one to
bring.
So the invitations read very much
like this:--
MRS. CHARITY PHLEABoTTOM.
and husband,
+ You are both asked
TO Mn. AND Mrs. Moss SKINNER S
SILVER WEDDING,
January 18th, !.
** Please bring silver castor rith
extra mustard jug. r-s-
MRS. JOANN BEEZUM
and husband,
You are both asked
To MR. AND NrRs. MosE SKINNER
SILVER WEDDING.
January 18th.
~ We cherish tondh dhopss'in your
direction IN reference to a sitrer tea
pot.
On the back of each invitation
was neat gilt scroll enclosing the
words, "please avoid dollar stores.
TO say the affair was success
would be lefrauding the dictionary.
| have looked that venerable pam phi
let through, bat fail to fad word
that meets the case. Nothing short
of seven syllablcs and . Freach root
will do, SO | give it up. -aa
On the arrival Of tie guests, Itook
charge Of the presents with as much
emotion as the value of the presents
called for. 4 silver pie knife | re-
ecivcd with husky tremor in my
voice, while an elegant silver teapot
caused me to entirely break down
with emotion. but I recovered, and
went through the trying ordeal with
unainching. bravery. Those that
didn't bring presents were told We
were not at home, which of course
made the gathering more select. We
received some very fine presents, in
GLIDING share in silver mine. o
lock Of gray hair s:reakcd with sill
ycr, some silver tones frsm a maid
ems voice. silver beam FROM the
moon, and some castor oil made from
y silver castor.
Then my wife and stood up and
received the silver-tongued congratu-
lations Of our guests on our happy
married life. But / didn't need EN-.
No, should say not. When | see q
man utterly crushed in spirt and
baldhcaded at the premature age of
fifty, with q black cyc constantly on
hand. and q wife who is ready to fur
nish him With more black eyes at the
lowest market prioe. l pause ere
congratulate him on matrimonial
bliss. Not that l woald insiuuate
that Mrs. Skinner is not as gentle as
dove in tho olive branch business.
Not at all. | simply say that in a
case like this. l sholAd probably
pause to the extent Of two semicol.
ons and a comma, ere l congratu tula ted
him.
If people would only learnto con.
gratulate old maids and old bachcl
ors, how much more sensible it woul,
be.
l had previously cnga gca a beau
tiful band, who had agreed to dis
course plaintlye strains at the rca
sonable price of twenty cents /,
strain: but, US they failed to put i,
an appearance owing to q question q
settlements. was at NY Wits en-,
for music. As luck would have it
though, ! found IN Italian Count
down at the Police Station, who wa
professor Of that noble instrument t
the handorgan. He was ! perfec
master Of tho instrument. hayin
l..aA ..aa.. .A..l.