The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1870-04-30
JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS,
CHATS.

| don't know az think it IL a very
difficult thing tew be good injun up in
heaven, but tew come down here and be
good injun, IL just WHARF the tightspot
Gums in.
Forgiving our enemys haz the same
refreshing efiekt upon our souls AIT duz
tcw confess our sins.
What a lamentable cuss man IL, he
pittys hiz nabors misfortunes, hi calling
them judgments from heaven.
Wize men 90 thru this world as boys
90 tew bed in the dark, whistling tew
shorten the distance
THE gods help them who help
themselfs" Upon the same principle
mankind praze thoze who praze them
sells.
Falling in love IL like falling into
mollassiss, sweet but dreadful dolby.
Hunters and gamblers are poor ekone-
mists, they kill time, species ov game
that kant be reproduced.
Good breeding IL the art ov avoiding
familiarity, and at the same time max
ing the company satisfied with you and
pleased with themselis.
Tew be happy-take things az they
cum, and let them go jist az they cum.
1t takes CRATE deal ov money tew
make man ritch, but it don't take but
little virtew.
1t iz the little things ov this life that
plague us.
Muskeeters are plenty, elephants
skarse
What an agreeable world this would
be tew live in if we could pump all the
pride and selishness out ov it! 1t
would improve it az much az taking
the fire and brimstun ont ov the other
world,
Don't mistake pIczzure for happiness;
it IL entirely different breed ov dogs
Thare IL a CRATE deal ov exquisitt plez-
zure in happiness, but tharc IL a CRATE
deal ov plezzurc that haz no happiness
in it.
Tharc IL only one thing that kan
think ov now that like to see idleness
in, and that IL, in molassiss-i want mi
IllOluSSlsS Slb anu CtlT
Experience has the same efi'ekt on
most folks that are haz on goose; it
makes them tuffcr
Sewing Societys" are generally places
WHARF the wimmin meet to rip and So
up the naberhood
4 law man IL one who haZ no time
To spare; IN Industrious man i one
who haz more time TO spare than hc
knows what TO do with.
1t takes a smart man to conceal from
others what he don't kno
4 lazy man alwus works harder than
a hizzy One-thc hardest work knO ov
iz to grunt.- it IL harder to set still and
lite flies than it IL to git up and escape
from them.
The man who controls hiz pashuns
sits at the helm ov hiz ship.
ltiz very diffikult tew kalkulate upon
suckcess, unless man sets up for
phool-in this department i hav known
hundreds to succeed, contrary tew thare
expecktashuns.
don't want ennv better evidence that
a man IL a phool than tew see him cul-
tivare eexcentricitys.
The man who kan conceal hiz real
karakter when he is drunk, or in a
pashun, haz got giant karakter
l hav found out that happiness
konsists in working bizzy twelve hours,
sleeping eight hours, and playing
checkurs four hours out ov the twenty
four.
Mankind loves misterys-a hole in
the ground excites more wonder than a
star in the heavens.
Experience is good schoolmaster,
but reason IL q better one
A pedant IL lernt phOol-pedantry
IL a little knowledge on parade-pedan-
try IL Hypocrisy, without emmy malice
in it.
All the good men in this world hav
got the same kind ov religion, it IL only
the ded beats, frauds and hypokrits,
whose religion differs.
Pride IL looking-glass, into which
men look, and seeing themselfs, they
strut, and stick up their noze at other
folks.
How on earth kan we trust man kind,
or woman kind; when there aint one
out ov ten ov them, dare trns themselfs.
Thare IL , kinds ov faith, faith ov
the brains, this il nothing more than
shrewdness-and faith ov the heart,
this IL humility, haff sister TO virtew.
Yu will notis one thing, all good talk