The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-12-20
H U M oRoUs 1T MS.

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sir; lndian-knew T." " Go to the head.'
r6' don't see but one reason why
that mare can't trot her mile in three
minutes--the distance is too great for the
time.
B6s" A man at fair was asked if his
horse was tinlid.
" Not at all" said he; he frequently
spends the whole night by himself in a
stable"
sag a gentleman passing through
potato-field observed an lrishman planting
potatoes He inquired what kind he had
there. "Raw ones, to be sure" replied
the son of Erin; eff they were boiled
they wouldn't grow"
H6s~ To make little boys trowsers
" last When you make suit of clothes
for him, finish the coat first, and by SO
doing you make the trowsers last. 1t is
the only way the thing can be done.
R5s~" Here's a man fallen into this
slough !" exclaimed one laborer to another;
hurry, for it is up to his ankles" {" If
that's all, there's no hurry" Yes, there
is, for he's fallen in head first p
Daya In Sabbath school in Grand
Haven, Mich, Miss Elder, the teacher,
asked Burty Parks 6 Who was the father
of Zebedee's children ?" Burty scratched
her head for moment, and then asked,
" Who did Zebedee suspect %.
RGy~ A man was once brought up be-
fore a magistrate, charged with marrying
six wives. The magistrate asked him
how he could be so hardened villain.
" Please your Worship" re piled the iel-
low " l acos trying to gef a gOod 0ne. !"
Ra" A little girl happened to hear her
mother speaking Of going into half mourn
ing, said:
Why are we going into half mourn
ing, mamma; are any of our relations half
dead -
D@s" What is the difference between 60
minutes and my youngest sister?" asked
prccocious boy Of his grave uncle.
I" don't know; what is it 2" was the un-
cle's reply, Why, ones an hour, and
the others our Ann" was the stunning
explanation.
pa There is an improbable story that
New-Jersey hen nlislaid an egg, when
another hen set on it, and the original
hen recognized the chicken after it was
hatched. The sitting hen claimed a
" fowl" but the umpire has not given his
decision.
D6gr A young lawyer of Philadelphia
wrote to an old limb near Chicago thus:
" Is there an opening in your part of the
country that can get into ?" Answer:
" There is an opening in my back yard,
about thirty feet deep, no curb around it.
If that will suit, come on"
H6~ " Do you mean to tell u.s." said
lawyer to doctor, whom he was cross
examining, " that if person lived in a
horse pond, il would not be injurious to
him?" 81 think not" said the doctor,
" if he lived for sixty or seventy years in
It,"
Bay~ Smith looking over the garden
fence of his friend Jones late on Saturday
afternoon, saw Jones in the act of dig
ging angle worms. JONES'" said he,
{" 1 hope you are not going to break the
Sabbath 2" "No," replied Jones, as he
drew out fat fellow, Z" expect to make
whole day of it."
H@~ A gentleman, observing a servant
girl, who was left-handed, placing the
knives and forks on the dinner table in
the same awkward position, remarked to
her that she was laying them left handed.
Z" Oh, indade p said she; $50 I have.
Be pleased, sir, to help me to turn the
table round"!
H6F~ My lad" said a traveller to a
little boy whom he met, clothed in
pants and small jacket, but without very
necessary article of apparel, "ny lad,
where is your shirt?" Mammy's wash
ing it." Have you no other ?" "No
other p exclaimed the urchin, in surprise,
would you want boy to have thous-