Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1870-05-27
THE JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS
SLIPS or THE PEN.

The wiZest thing In 3 man IL hlZ con-
science-edukashun don't improve 1t.
II WI want tew find out the ruling
pashun ov q hoss, feed him high on
oats-it IL lis so with mankind.
Az gineral rule, the best way IL to
decide yureself what bizness in life It
LIZ best for.yure yung one to foller, and
then stick him at 1t while he II timber
men alwus pole vines before they
begin to run mutch.
The only way for me to get out ov
tight spot Il tew get into 1t ftlst. Sum
folks can tell exackly how thing
feels by not tutching it, but kant.
The more babes In family the eazi-
er and better they are raized-one
chicken alwus makes an ole hen more
clucking and scratching than duzen
duZ.
It takes an uncommon smart man,
now-daze, tew make money by telling
the truth-it liz aktually an evidence Of
genius.
It IL very small spot in the litening
bugs tale that shines; 1t IL the dark
ness of the mite that makes 1t so bril-
liant-it iz jist so with virtew.
Missing reveng iz like nussing of a
yung hedgehog-the older he grows,
the sharper hiz quills..
The good man IL like an old fashion,
ed Nu England clock-his soul IL the
pendulum whose regular moshuns give
life and grace tew his hands and face,
thus showing the good works that are
inside of him.
Most ov the epitaffs ON the tomb
stones read like gide-boards tew the
the great city, and without them
great menny wud take the wrong road.
Most people travel tew see and be
seen, but few to compare.
Fools are telling us (confidenshally)
that time IL short but the difficulty
lies not In the shortness ov time so
much as 1t duz In the length ov the
fools.
Children are cut down, like the
young wheat, to ripen old people arc
gathered like the golden grain, to be
ground and bolted.
The only way to truly enjoy emmy
thing Is tew to be willing to quit it
when the bell rings.
Time IL like fair wind-if we don't
set our sails we lose that breeze for |
ever.
We are often ridiculsd for telling
old truths. The 10 commandments are
old enuff tew be worn out with truth
but who follers them? :,
Take Adam from man down to April
fool, 1868, and l would respectfully
nsI IL he Amt q dead beat? IL there
a single passion ov hiz natur, up to
date. that va can take the halter oV the
law off from and turn 1t out to grass!
Waking up In the morning, to viz
tuous man, IL the same thing az being
born agin. -
Necessity IL the mother Of inven-
shun," and Patent Wright iz the
father. ...
n dun me good to hear poor brute
WINNER In Broadway yesterday. l
waz glad there waz one stage hoss In
New York city whose heart wasn't
dead broke.
Death IL the only thing In this life
that IL certain; and even that amt
ALWAYS a safe Investment.
Rumor Is a yagrant without a home,
and lives upon what 1t kan pick up.
Ihe greatest NlhtoiieS tVi uAahAiu
that have ever been Won, hav bin won
by the rod and the katechism.
The lion and lamb may, possibly,
sumtime lay down in this world to-
gether for a fu minits, but when the
lion kums to get up, the lamp will be
missing.
Chastity is like glassware-too mutch
frost In 1t makes It more brittle.
Virtew, backed up by courage IL the
perfekshun Of human natur. don't
reckon mercy nor pity always amung
the virtews; they are often amaole
weaknesses. Justice IL the square root
ov awl the virtews. wouldn't have
emmy mercy nor pity give out for rub
bish; neither would hav man think,
bekauze he melts at the anguish ov
the viscious, that 1t Il virtew that ails
him.
Bachelors are always braggin ov
their freedom freedom to darn their
own stockings, and poultiss their own
shins! l had rather be widower once
In years reglar than tew be gr,int-
ing, old, hairless bachelor only 80
days.