The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-08-30

oiV0I iaih0 ~ hhe hunting alJer HeaS-
hard to ketch, and sure to make you on
easy if you do or don't ketch him"
Dag" After wedding it was formerly
custom to drink honey, dissolved in wa
ter, for thirty days-a moons age
Hence the origin of honeymoon.
B6gn An Irish school-master wrote the
following copy for one of his pupils:
Idleness covereth man with naked
ness"
Dely" The worst yet: An exchange got
Oft the following horrible conundrum:
" Why is an empty champagne bottle like
an orphan ? Because it has lost its pop.
Rag@ A Troy Dutchman, in trying to
reach the ferry boat, fell in the water
His first exclamation on being hauled out
was, Mine Gott, let's have pridgew
D1- A disreputable scamp describes
his deceased uncle as a greedy old pig"
Being asked why he so spoke of him, he
said, because he left me nothing in his
(s) will !"
BeE- Mrs. Rugg, widow, having
taken Mr.. Price for second husband,
and being asked how she liked the change,
replied, ooh, have got rid of my old
Rugg for good Price? !?
Da~ Mrs. Partington hearing them
talk about the strike of the Wire Draw
ers" in Massachusetts, said, Well what
won't people do for fashion next, it ex-
PEELED me into wearing Hoop skirts, but
l can't see no use in any body wearing
wire-drawers."
B9" How is your husband, dear Pr
asked one lady Of another.
ooh, he's in very bad state," was
the reply.
And, pray what kind of state is he
in?' persisted the other.
In State prison"
Ba" Boss, I want twenty-five cents"
said a jour-printer recently 10 his EN-
ployer. twenty-five cents how soon
do you want it, William? ?" Next Tues
day week" GAS soon as that? You.
can't have it, I've told you so often that
when you are in want of any large sum
of money you must give me at least four
weeks notice"
B9@ The following is reported as an
authentic affair; We can't vouch for its
truth.
Married, at Flintstone, by Rev.
Windstone; Mr.. Nehemiah Sandstone ands
Miss Wilhelmina MILESTONE, both of
Limestone" Look out for Birthstone
next.
DG~ A Glasgow merchant, on his
death-bed, sent for Free Church clergy
man. Having some fears regarding his
future prospects he asked the reverend
gentleman
"Do you think if I were to leave
$4,000 to the Free Kirk that my soul
would be saved ?'
Well" answered the cautious minis
ter, Il couldn't just promise you that,
but [ think it's an experiment well worth
trying"
Beg During the debate in the Cont
mental Congress on the establishment Of
the Federal army, a member offered
resolution providing that it should never
exceed three thousand men whereupon
Washington moved an amendment that
no enemy should ever invade the coun-
try with force exceeding two thousand
men This joke was perfect success,
and the laughter which it excited smoth-
cred the resolution.
Befg" Rev. Mr.. B, passing Deacon
RS premises one evening, was greatly
Mortified at hearing that pious official
swearing in the most accomplished man
ner at his COW, which had kicked his
milk-pail into the middle of next week
Observing his minister looking over the
fence at him, the deacon said APOLOGIZE
cally; " am really afraid, Mr.. B.,
| shall never be able to enjoy religion as
long as l keep that cow"
pa" A Spinster went to well-known
LAWYER and engaged him to manaoe sniff