The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1870-05-13
MARA TWAIN ON "snELLs.".
Pious OIfaetOries and Perfumed The

Pious OIfactories and Perfumed The
OlOgy.
In a recent number of the Independent
the Rev. T. De Witt Talmage, of Brooklyn,
has the following utterance on the subject
of "Smells:"
I have a good Christian friend who, if he
sat In the front pew in the church, and a
working man should enter the door at the
other end, would smell him instantly. My
friend is not to blame for the sensitiyeness
of his nose, any more than you would fog
a pointer for being keener on the scent
than stupid watch dog. The fact is, If
YOU had all the churches free, by reason OF
the mixing up of the common people with
the uncommon, you would keep one-halt
of Christendom sick at their stomach. II
you are going to kill the church with bad
smells, will have nothing to do with this
work of evangelization.
We have reason TO believe that there viii
be laboring men in heaven; and also a
number of negroes, and EsqHimaux, and
Terra del Fuegans, and Arabs, and few
Indians, and possibly even some Spaniards
and Portuguese. All things are possible
with God. We shall have all these sorts of
people in heaven; but, alas in getting
them we shall lose the society of DIR. Tai
mage. Which is to say, we shall lose the
company of one who could give more real
''tone" to celestial society than any other
contribution Brooklyn could furnish. And
what would eternal happiness be without
the Doctor? Blissful, unquestionably-
we know that well enough--but would it
be diStingae, would it be recherche without
him? st. Matthew without stockings
or sandals st. Jerome bareheaded,
n la,nl-
robe dragging the ground; st. Sebastian
with scarcely any raiment at all-these we
should see, and we should enjoy seeing
them; but would we not miss spike-tailed
coat and kids, and turn away regretfully,
and say to parties from the Orient: ''These
are well enough, but you ought to see Tai
mage of Brooklyn" 1 fear me that IN the
better world we shall not even have DIR.
Talmage's ''good Christian friend" For
if he were sitting under the glory of the
Throne, and the keeper of the keys admit
ted Benjamin Franklin or other laboring
man, that 'sfriend," with his fine natural
powers infinitely augmented by emancipa-
ton from hampering flesh, would detect
him with single sniff, and Immediately
take his hat and ask to be excused.
If the subject of these remarks had been
chosen among the original Twelve Apostles,
he could not have associated with the rest,
because he could not have stood the fshy
smell of some of his comrades who came
from around the Sea of Galilee. BE would
have resigned his commission with such a
remark as he makes in the extract quoted
above: s'Master, if thou art going to kill
the church thus with bad smells. will
have nothing to do with this work of evan
gelization." He is deciple, and makes that
remark to the Master; fhe only difference is,
that he makes it in the nineteenth instead
of the first century.
Now, can it be possible that IN hand
ful of centuries the Christian character has
fallen away IRON an imposing heroism that
seorned even the stake, the cross and the
axe, to poor little effeminacy that withers
and Wits under an unsavory smell2