The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1870-05-05
T i 4. Z / L . 7 .
HUMOROUS.

man, said: lie never Smiles but he
seems ashamed Of 1t.
At Sidney, Ohio, young lady vent into
a sore aud asked for feline lntesting5 Tor
lyrical purposes.
4 yankee editor says the girls complain
that The times are so hard that the young
men cal. pay their addresses.
A country editor having written long
article on hogs, rival paper upbralds
him for introducing his family matters TO
the public
Isn't your bill awfuIIy steer?" inquired
a speudihT!it Of his tailor. on ought to
know best, for it was run up BY YOU, was
the cool reply.
SIS that marble?'' said gentleman,
pointing to the bust of Kentucky great
statesman, recently, in 4 New York store.
No, sir, that's Clay quietly replied the
dealer
A siddy student having got bis skull
fractue ed, was told by the doctor that the
brain was visible, Oh which he remarked,
DO write and tell father, for he always
said had none.
'Seventy-fve cents per gal, exclaimed
current why, bless me, what is the
world coming to, when the gals are valued
at seventy~fve cents
John" asked physician Of the apoth-
ecary's apprentice; Did Mrs. Green get
the medicine | ordered?' Il guess so, :
said John, ''for | saw crapo hanging on
the door-knob this morning"
When an i'll natured fellow was trying >
pick quarrel with peaceablo man, the
latter said: Il never had fuss with but
one mamie was buried at four clock 1t
is now halt-past three. -
II meant to have told you Of that hole, "
said man to his friend, who had stumbled
into a pit full of water NO matter now
no matter now, said the other, blowing
the water out Of his mouth, I've found 1t
out.
A young man who had boosted fine
tenor voice, lately had the misfortune to
lose all his teeth, which were replaced by
counterfeit rrescntments his voice was
SO severely injured that now he is obliged
to sing false soto.
An orator who had raised his audience to
q great hight by his lofty soarings, ox-
claimed: Il will now close in the beauti
full and expressive language of the poet-I
forgot his name-aud-I forgot what be
said, too ~
A person desiring n situation as teacher
in Nova Scotia, wrote to the board; ''fab
1870. Sir ! Offer myself to you for that
place to the board which | am wall quali>
tide for my adgo is 402' (mcaring, doubt
less, ~
why do you walk, Bob, when you've
got donkey to ride?' said gentleman to
an Irish lad, who was walking by the side
Of his donkey. "Shure, then, replied the
boy, Il Just walking to rest my legs"
A lawyer once asked Dutchman con,
corning pig, in court:
what ear marks had hep
well, ven first became acquainted nit
de hook, he had no ear marks except very
short tail.
A Maine deputy sheriff suddenly called
upon to lead in prayer at a conference
meeting, astonished his hearers by the fol-
lowing conclusion: May Thy wisdom
lead w, Thy mercy guide us, and finally
conduct us TO Thy last and usual place Of
abode.
Assessor is it, Miss, that you
gave your age to the Register as only
twenty five! ] was born the same year
with yourself, and, being thirty nine, 1t
must be-
Young Lady-"Ahl but you see, Mr..
Assessor, you have lived much faster than
A fascinating young widow, having
married an elderly man, annoyed him by
frequent references to her first husband,
whereat the old gentleman finally remon-
strated. Il dare say" replied the fond
creature, pouting her pretty lips, that
you'll be glad to have me remember you
when you re dead and gone, and I'm mar
ried again
A young lady of extraordinary capacity,
addressed the following letter to her cousin:
I'VE is all well, and mothers got his Ter
rcks; brother Tom is got the Hupln
Kaugh, and sister Ann has got q babee,
and hope these few lines will find you the
same, rite sure. ianr affectionate kusen.
An old woman received a letter, and
supposing 1t u oe from one OF her abSen:
sons, she called on a person to read it to
her. He accordingly began to read
Dear mother, then making stop to
find out what followed (as the writing was
IdtutT Uau, tue oiti iduS tAclalulGu ~,
It's my poor Jerry; he always suffered!
A gentleman who was very Jealous on
the subject of horses, but not according to
knowledge, bought horse at auction and
brought her home. well, Caesar" said
he to his sable coachmap, what you think
of her? She cost me five hundred dollars"
Dunno, master" Yes, but what do
you Think" well, massa, it makes me
tink of what the preacher said yesterday
something about his money soon parted. 7
dtsremembcr dc fist part.
a committee once paid visit to school, !
to hear some of the classes go through the
exercise Of what is termed object blossoms |
Now can you tell me anything about
heat" was one Of the questions. y bright /.
little boy held forth his hand in token of
some knowledge in reserve well, boy"
said the teacher, what do you know?''
Heat expands, cold contracts, was the
answer. Very good now give me an ex-
ample" In summer the days are lcng;
IN winter the Gays are short.
DIR. Hail says things arc so nicely bal /
anced ty nature, that il the earth should
ever ran against anything" the water of