Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1870-03-22
Lunch for Hum O7'iStSa


Decidedly the favorite day with boarding
house keepers is Hash Wednesday.
Mosquitoes are born of poor but honest pa
rents who have In their veins some OF the best
blood in the country.
An editor out in Missouri has got the 18th
amendment awfully mixed up. He calls it the
fifteenth bedamnment. 11Go8
A CHEYENNE paper says that birds are soar
ing around there but they are jail birds, and
soar at the limb end OF rope.
A Young lady who wished she was bird
changed her mind after dinner when she saw
how dreadfully little was left of the turkey.
A CINCINNATI man says that what between
the jealousy of his wife. and the bad temper of
his mother-in Law, he lives ''twixt the devil
and the deep sea.
An Illinois woman who wanted to go to a
masquerade party as Mary Queen of Scots,
looked through the Bible to ascertain how the
character was dressed
The Emira Advertizer in the last number
says: Local editor is sick :; literary editor is
married; news editor asleep; boss editor bust
ed" We are boss editor.
A Western editor who found case of ho
meopathc medicine has set up as doctor, and
offers to physc or bleed at the usual rates, ten
cents line, first insertion.
A Cincinnati reporter woke up a bridegroom
at hotel in that city to get the particulars OF
his wedding He owes neighboring apothe-
cary FIVE cents for court plaster.
An exchange says that a man nowadays
might as well try to shampoon an elephant S
head with thimbleful of soap-suds, as to un-
dertake to do business without advertising.
The worst sold man in America lives at La
fayette, Indiana. He has been winding up
clock every night for seventeen years, and last
week, by accident, found out that it was an
eight-day clock
A coored preacher commenting on the pas,
sage, "Be We therefore wise as serpents and
harmless as doves" said that the mixture
should be made in the proportion of pound
of dove to an ounce of serpent.
They have reporter in Philadelphia who be-
longs 10 l72 societies. which requires the use OF
1921 grips, signs and pass words. Being q
temperance man he never gets iuddled. but i'm
agine the condition of things if he should.
An inebriated man in Lawrence, Kansas,
was found cinging to fence, looking helpless
~ at neighboring row of shade trees. Hal.
loa,' said friend who came up, whats the
matter, Jake?' Dunno, "-hc, responded
Jacob, that id procession is never going te
get past.
Our readers will remember an account of the
discovery by an editor at Allegheny, Pa. of a
petri6ed snake in stone door step. We are
informed there was DO foundation for the re-
port. The editor has signed the pledge, how
ever, and quit drinking, SO we probably shall
not be treated to any more snake stories from
that quarter.
Really, my dear" said poor Mr.. Jones tc
bis better hall" you have sadly disappointed
me. [ once considered you jewel Of wo,
man; but you I've turned out only bit of mat
rirnonial PASTE Then. my love- was the
reply, console yourself with the idea tina,
paste is very adhesive, and will stick to you as
long as you live
Had it bad A young man not a thousand
miles from here was lately seen So scribing a
few lines" to his distant dear one, surrounded
BY several literary works, including Mrs. Sarah
j Hale's Dictionary of Poetical Quotations, -
THE London CarcaDet Rainbow Round the
Tomb, IA Place in thy Memory" Walker
Dictionary, The Poetry of Flowers Don
Paez" Moore's "Laa Rookie, etc. The fe-
male hash teen heard from yet.