New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1870-06-26

WHY Do SQUIRRELS EAT NUTs,-Jose
Flamingo sells birds, rabbits, an occasional
pig, yclept Guinea, and semi sometimes
squirrel But Jose likes to be questioned
only by buyers with money in hand, so
when one of the Smiths-we think John
asked Jose, why do squirrels eat nuts? the
merchant was displeased, aud told John he
was no better than the rest OF the Smiths,
and had better not poke fun at him unless
he wanted to pay for it. The Smith under
stood only the last words of Jose's cracked,
and in fact, broken English, and supposed
the squirrel was referred to, and no fun
about it. So he inquired, do you want to be
paid to tell me why squirrels eat nuts? The
wrath of the merchant, although uncertain
&C to what it stood on. would have stood it's
groun, d only that John suited the action to
the word by putting his hand into his
pocket-there was nothing else in (which
denoted that real pay was in prospect. So
Jose wilted; but the hand retracted, and
John to fix more safely his true status,
again inquired, why do squirrels eat nuts?
Just for moment Jose had been struck
with wonder. He wondered if John really
had money and deserved being talked to. or
if the Workhouse was his proper destina-
tion. The interlocutor, following Hoyle,
took this trick; and following up his advan-
tage, placing his other hand in his other
pocket-where nothing opposed its ingress-
inquired of the semi-occasional squirrel dis
penser, DO squirrels eat nuts?
Jose Flamingo had an eye single to trade,
and had been hopeful from the mysterious
coquetry of the inquisitive ten digits of the
Smith that there WAS money in the premises;
go he came down, like the President of
Debating Society will. his hammer ignor-
ing the previous question, You buy you
buy?
But the Smith assented not-did not buy;
nor retreat before the coming blow, for Jose
was getting stormy-it blew, and presently
the storm burst-it broke in words: You
make fun of mech? You one dam Smith
knock you down; ana Smith descended.
When the case was called before Recorder
Weber, on the complaint of the veritable
John Smih-as, indeed, We felt assured
his honor inquired:
What is it about; what's the matter !?
What did this man do to you, Smith?
Knocked me down, sir.
For what?
For asking him why squirrels eat nuts.
What else2
For asking him if squirrels do eat nuts.
What else?
For not paying him to tell me.
What did you knock him down for,
Flamingo?
He make me fun-he rascal; he have no
money, and he want to buy my squirrel.
What is the price OF your squirrel?
Gina piastres with the cage, worth seven
dollars.
Seven dollars fine was the brief sentence.
The mind of the bird merchant was sea of
troubles over which fercer storm now
ragged unintermitt,ngly for hours. He SUI
fered the turkeys indignity, occupying q
cell till night, obdurate and impenitent; but
then visions of John Smith in the role Of
burglar overcame him. He saw him tangi.
bly, in the darkness, among the unsuspect'
ing squirrels, inqulring why they eat nuts !?
Why they did not eat beef steaks? And he
saw in his minds eye, the veritable Smith in
the act of Selling reticent squlrrel-and
Jose purchased leave to depart, and the
ticket cost him seven dollars.