The Evansville daily journal. (Evansville, Ind.) 1870-1875, 1870-12-23
HUMOROUs.

You ought to lay up something for a
rainy day, said an aBxieus father to
his proh'gIts 800 And so / have, T"
replied the you'h. WHAT" An
umbrella
My dear. v bat ms !, : ; On always yaIyn ~
Ihe vile exclaimed, her temper gone;
Is home 50 dnli and dreary -
But man and vile are one, you know
And when alone Pm weary y
THE greatest joiner-the lawyer.
lie can place q tenant. impannel a
jury, box witness. bore the court,
chisel q client. augur the gains, floor
q witness, cut his board. nail the case.
hammer the desk, fle his bill. and
shave a whole community.
THE Shah Of Persia, who is per
forming q nilgrimsga to the holy
shrine of kerbela. passed through
Bagdad. accompanied By q snit OF up
wards CT 10000 persons. The horses
and other beasts of burden composing
the caravan numbered upward OF
1900.
A ROGUE going to be hanged begged
IS personal favor that the rope be
tied under his arms, instead Of around
his neck. What an absurd request"
said the exeeutioner. mot at all"
replied the criminal, for I am so
tickiish IN the throat that if you tie
the rope there j shall be sure TO die
with laughter.
"HALLo" calculated an anxious
guardian to bis lovely niece, as he en-
tered the parlor, and saw her in the
arms of a swain, who had just popped
the question aud sealed 1t with a
smack; what's the time of day now 2
i should think it was about half past
twelve, was the cool reply; you see
that We are almost onei'
THE wife of a manuEactarerin an
inland town, whose daughter was
shout TO be married, sent notes to her
friends requesting that if they in
tented to make wedding presents of
silvevWaTe, they would send the
money instead. as she was about to
visit New York, and would prefer to
buy the articles herself, "for it will be
so nice to have the things to match,
you know.
ATSalt Lake man went down into
Shaft to see. what was the reason that
blast didn't 60 off He came up di-
rect IN lnstalIments, with q lot Of
pieces Of stone, and as the part with
the lead on went through the crowd
o. work ns0, il said there didn't sp.
pear to be anything the matter with
the 50; = vas only little late, that
was all.
CHICAGO has hotel with a patent
he3l~iudIcator running from every
room 10 the flee, 80 The clerk can
tell az a glance how hot il is IN any
room 10 tic hou9e. They had won-
Eu's rigt's meeting in one Of the par
lcrs the other day. when all OF sud
den the indicator said rcd hot" aud
the fremen had a hose ia that parlOr
in twenty eight seconds and put EN-
out.
Mr.. GREELEY fellows this weeks
essay on WHAT ] Know Of Farming"
with a trea'ise which promises his
journalists divulgencies. Ii is en-
titled Wind As a Source Of Power"
On this topic even those who repudi-
ate his political economy and refuse
TO be impoverished By his farming
notions may listen 10 him with equal
instruction ami delight Acc York
World.
THE La Crosse Leader is response
BILE for she following: mot long since,
while one of the river boats was tax
ing on some live stock, among the lot
was one large gray mule, that refused
to walk the staging. The mate sang
out to the roustsbout to twist his tail /,
and he'd come A coroner's jurS
have decided that the man came to his
death by obeying orders. "
ALLOW me. said an American
Eor %
a friend dining with him, allow me
to help you to piece of Washington
pie" Sir, replied the gentleman,
artistically waving his napkin.
George Washington was first in war,
first in peace, and FIRST in the hearts
OF his oountTymen. | admire him for
his purity. his piety, and bis Patriot
ism, bat detest his pies
A HAIR DRESSER once made an uu-
successful attempt at tragedy. To
silence an abundant Kissing, he step.
ped forward with the following speech :
Ladies and gentlemen, yesterday /
dresssi sou; night | Address you
and tomorrow. if you please, will
REdress you. While there is virtue
In powder, pomatum, and horse tails,
fad il is easier to make an actor than
IL % O-Cr FtCS ~ OptJLtCttc-
JAMES OLIPHANT, minister Of Dan
barton, bad a curious habit Of making
running comments, in a low toae o.
voice, as he read the Scriptures
Reading Of the swine rushing TO thG
sea, be mutercd: 20, that tho devil
had been clicked, tool" Reading
Peters remark. We have left all and
followed thee, he said quietly, Ayt
boastin', Peter, aye, braggiu'; VIA
had yoa to leave but an ola erazj
boat. and may be two or three rOtteE
nets?'
ACCORDING 10 the Des Moines Reg
lister, DR.. North, the anatomy demon
strator IN the Iowa State University
has recently been in Chicago aot
made arrangements for a daily suppl.
of Diee, fresh, dead bodies for the dis
stvting table He saw. it is said,
score Of professors on the same Grand
and they did not half exhaust th
supply which muTdeTiugs, dToEBings
suicides, maniraps. casualties. an
other features of Chiesgo life gave tn
anatomy merchants" in that city.
ALAwYER riding through a toBe
stopped at a cottage 20 inquire b:
wav. The lady Of the house told bin
he must keep right straight On 70
some time, and then turn to the RICH
bus she herself was going 10 pass th
road he mus. take, and that if h
would wait few minutes she woal
show him the way. We'll, said b.
bad company is better than mona
make haste After j)ggiDg son
FIVE or six miles. the gentleman asks
If he had not coma to the road B
must take? ''Ob, zee, said she. "a
passed It Two cr three miles bacl
but | thCuxht that poor company VI
better thar none, so kept you alor
With me"
A LAUGHABLE IHciDgSr ri
New O.Icans PicJyuae asys: .
eOuutrymaa al the theatre, ihe 9th
night, 3 the eEcort OF sOme ladies, /
tired at an intermission and retufnt
with a pound or two Of peanu
wrapped 10 a paper, and two hu
bananas stickiBg from his pock,
jus. then, however. and before
had time to take his seat, one Of &
actresses who had especially Won
admiration, came to the f5Otiights a