The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-08-13

name OF all that Is ridiculous why was General
Phil Sheriden selected by Grant as the proper
military IN representative of this country to visit
Ithe scene of the war in Europe!"
Ans. Because he is the 'butcher of the Shen-
andoah Valley" and good Judge of whisky,
qualities that are immense with Grant. Had he
been q gentleman and soldier, he would long
since have lost caste with Grant and the radicals.
Some radical, pretending to speak by authori-
ty, says Austin Brooks, late of the Quincy Her.
aid is candidate for congress.
Mr. Brooks denies such to be the fact. He
has too much selfrespect to enter that radical
den of thieves.
An exchange says: It wasa popular motto with
the opposition to the democracy-a watch word
on their banners: 1.-TWO dollars IA day and roast
beef"
Now it is getting to be:
"a shilling day and roast rats"
The Aurora Beacon tries hard to be compl-
mentary to the late congress, by saying that body
passed several bills and one hundred and ffty
resolutions. Yes, resolutions on every oonceiva-
BILE subject, and the Chicago Journal, republican
paper, says the only thing congress did do, of
| any benefit the country, was the passage of the
| resolution to adjourn.
The Esrlvi!le Gazette sympathises with
young beau, out that way who went to see his
gir.rel one evening. He stayed late-very late
couldn't tear himself away, and finally, on
starting for home, found his horse had been stol.
on, and up to last dates the nag remained still
| in the same way.
"Pure apple cider" made of white wine vine.
gar, surghum molasses, log wood, and post NOR.
tenn cockroaches, is offered for sale at some of the
retail shops and pea nut stands in Chicago. So
says the Journal.
We seldom indulge in strong drink, and we
don't like cider any how.
| In running through our exchanges last week,
we found dozen cases where women and servant
girls had, last week, been burned to death by at.
tempting to light fires by pouring kerosene up.
on kindled fires, or trying to fill lamps still
lighted. Notwithstanding the numerous cases.
incousiderate persons every day initiate each
others rash example, and suffer the same terri.
BILE fate.
Susan B. Anthony says abe lost 100000 by the
Revolution showing that revolutions do some
times 90 Enthusiastically at least
An exchange delicately speaks of the Recol,.-
tton-women's organ-as being ''on its last
limbs"
A well known and lively lady novelist of rank
is said to be Il bout to publish fresh book. with
the amusing, but decidedly novel title, "Naugh-
ty, Naughty, but So Nice"
Wonder what she means9 Guess we'd toe, if
it wss-say anything like beer, or mint julep,
for instance.
Two young men attempted to commit suicide
in Atchinson, Kansas, last week. One tried
pounded glass, and the other strychnine Mel.
Their was successful, but both are slowly recover.
| ing
That is plain enough. Ones glass was pound
ed ice, Sc, and the other, strychnine whisky.
Such "poisons' DO not always kill on one trial
or else Grant would have been suicide long
ago.
The Queen of Denmark spends annually only
one hundred thousand dollars for dresses.
A good many men in this country will take
great pleasure in pointing out to their wives the
excellent conduct and splendid qualities of this
Danish lady.
A colored newspaper, not over nice about or
|
in this way, "Jmphysquc" Jim Fisk.
The La Sale Press, in speaking about the re-
suit of the Will county convention being for
Cook, says "Just as we expected"
The Press does not speak sarcastically, it
means to be understood Post Office-stically. The
Press will stick to that, "you bet!'
An exchange says: "Butler has an eve on a
place in Grants Cabinet" Who can tell that =?
We should like to see the man who can tell which
way Ben Butler is looking ?-N Y. Day Book
He is not only mentally but physically capa.
BILE of looking at least two ways at once
The Peru Herald presents Judge Eldridge for
state Senator and the Press wants Bull. Whom
will tho Mendoza people take? If there in any.
thing Peru, La Sale, Mendoza, or any west end
town wants, for goodness sake let it be known.
The east end daren't chirp, you know, in the re.
publican convention. Ottawa republicans in La
Sale county shave no rights" that west-enderi
are bound to respect"
A lady acquaintance says engagements are
very unsatisfactory sort of affairs, for if yeu are
very polite and attentive to the gentleman, he
thinks you do not care for him, and you are
afraid to be polite for fear the engagement,
might some time be broken off, when you would
be sorry to think you had wasted so much sweet
ness on some other womans husband.-XacOmi
Eagle
The lady who thought as shrewdy ps the
above would indicate, we think liz out of danger
The Chinese take their tea straight" They
| II. 10, l,1e,