The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-03-24
WIT AND HCMOR.

us by storm.
"A nscalIy old bachelor asks, "Whai
: is the most difficult operation surgeon
, can perform ~ TO take the jaws out of
- woman,
- Hobbs says he has one ofthe mo Il
II obs'lient boys in the world. He tell,
Is MN to do as he plcases, and he does
q 1t without murmuring.
III lady were threatened to be
Is kissed by gentleman, and she object
I'd Ell, what place near the coast of France
ir might she namcY Ushant.
-"You've destroyed my peace Of
n mind, Betsy said despondng lover
@ to u t."ant lass. 1T cant do you nu.h
q harm, John, for twas an amazing small
:. piece you had any way" was the quick
reply.
4 81 am afraid sir, You are In set
tied melancholy said a landlady to Il
misunderstanding lodger. "No madam
he replied, "my melancholy won't set.
tie; like your coffee, it has too much
grounds"
"A man tried for marrying six wives
on being asked how he could be
such hardened villain rs to delude so
many, replied with great nonchalance,
"Why, please your worship, l was try.
ing to get a good one"
"A lady advertiscs for sale one bnb-
boon, three tabhy cats, and parrot.
She states that being now married, she
has no further use for them, Tor the
reason that their amiablc qualities are
all combined in her husband.
"A judge recently statcd,..in behalf
Of female witness whom lawyer Was
cross queslioning as to her age, that u
woman has right to be OF any age
She pleased, because, ii she stated her
real age nobody would believe her.
isn't it astonishing, said Il wealthy
individual, shat Il large fortune was
left me by person who had only seen
me once 7" ut would have been still
more astonishing" said a wag, "if he
had left it to you after seeing you twice.
"A husband advertiscs thus: "My
wife, Maria, has strayed or been stolen.
Whoever returns her will get his head
broke AS to trusting her, anybody
can do so il they sce.ft; for as Incyer
pay my own debts it's not likely I'll
pay hern."
- Mark Twain thinks that soda. wa
ter is not reliable 70: u steady drink.
Its too gassy. The next morning al-
Ter drinking thirty eight bottles, he
|ound himself full of gas and as tight
Is Il balloon. He hadn't an article of
clothing he could wear, except nm um.
)rella
1.-THE fact is" said an orderly wife,
"A man does not know how to straight
N up things. He does not know
Where to commence I don't wonder"
he remarked, in conclusion, "that
7hen God made Adam he went right
work and made woman to tell him
hat to do"
9Th one OF our district schools
e master was examining n class in
typography. "Spcll and define flow.
ct p said lie. "F.Lo w-e-r-c-t, flow
ct, little flower. "Wayeletn
Wavelet, wavelet, little wave"
5u!let.' "B u-l-l-e-t, q little BULL"
outed urchin number three.
The Forensic "We." -Barristers
I'VE ludicrous habit Of identifying
emseves with their clients by speak.
6 in the plural number. "Gentlcmen
the jury" said a luminary Of the
estern circuit. TAT the moment the
'llceman says Ii, saw us IN the tran,
will prove that we were locked up in
e statiOn-house, in state of intoxi-
ton
"A country lad, newly engaged,
esentcd to his master one morning
ir OF boots, the leg of one of which
IS much longer than the other. GLOW
mes it you rascal, that these boots
not of the same length p asked the
ster 81 really don't know. SIR re.
ed the boy, '.but what bothers me
st is that the pair down stairs is lust
Q 'cm."
-"What made you quit the Easts"
d a man in Nevada to new conner.
got into trouble by marrying two
es," was the response. "Well"
l the other, II came out here be.
Sc | got into trouble by marrying
one wife" "And l." added by
'der, "camc here. because got in.
rouble by simply promising to mar.
me-"
: AT concert in small town not
rom London, few evenings ago,
'uth was observed to give vent to
Dlcasurable feelings BY clappino b;s