The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-03-17

n
WHY do thieves lead comfortable life?
Because they take things easy.
MEN of regular habits-Those who get
drunk every morning before breakfast.
AN exchange paper says: Truth is
in type, but is crowded out by more I'M
pOrtant matter"
WHY would Sampson have made an
excellent actor ?-Because he could so
easily bring down the house.
How do people manage to sleep on
spring mattress all through the winter p
Judy
THE old gentleman whose memory car
ried him long way back is requested to
return to his disconsolate friends.
II is true wisdom to speak but little of
the injuries you have received or the good
deeds you have done.
A WIT once asked peasant what part
he performed in the great drama of life.
:" mind my own business" was the reply.
"Is that clock right over there }" asked
a visitor the other day. Fright over
there" said the boy; "'taint nowhere
else"
As continued health is vastly preferable
to the happiest recovery from sickness, so
is innocence superior to the truest repent
ance.
"LET us remove temptation from the
path of youth" as the frog said when he
plunged into the water, upon seeing boy
pick up a stone.
A CALIFORNIA paper says the Japanese
will "win universal respect by sort of
heathenish habit they have of minding
their own business"
A NEAR-sIGHTED man walked off the
bridge into the Kennebec river, and upon
being miraculously saved, was "darnation
glad he didn't lose his cane and specs"
An exchange says that the only people
in Washington who mind their own bust
ness are such young married pairs as hap
pen to be spending the honeymoon at the
hotels.
THERE is an old lady in Lynchburg, Va,
who says she made pair of stockings last
fifteen years by merely knitting feet to
them every winter, and legs every other
winter.
A sCHooLMAsTER asked one of his
scholars, in the winter time, what was the
Latin for cold. "Oh," answered the lad
:" forget at this moment, although l have
it at my finger ends
4 SETTING SpEECH.-A lady wished a
seat. A portly, handsome gentleman
brought one and seated the lady. "Oh
you're Jewell" said she. ooh! no." he
replied, am a jeweler; have just sci
the jewel"
at is sad moment in life,' said Cynic
"when you find that love, glory, haT pi
ness, are, altogether, not worth gooC
cigar" at is a sadder moment still, D re
piled his friend, when you find that the
cigar itself is bad"
AN urchin, hearing his father read ar
article in the paper in relation to new
invention of bricks of glass, exclaimed
"Glass bricks? / know what them is.
"What are they?" inquired one of the
family. "Tumblers of liquor" said the
Juvenile.
EVA" Mamma, what is gosTing?'
Mamma" A little goose, dear" Eva
"And a duckling?" Mamma-"A little
duck, dear" Eva" Then is an inkling
little inks Because if it is I've got an
inkling on my apron. Fun.
AN old man from the country was re.
Gently robbed of satchel containing
$4,000 in bonds at the New York Sub
Treasury. He had laid it on the floor oil
the ro.unda and was reading the bulletin
notices, when an unknown person walked
off with the bag and contents.
Or I'm Protestant missionaries, 53a
are in India and CeylOn, 277 in South Al
RIGA, 217 in Guiana and the West Indies
1876 in the Pacific islands and the China
Sea, 80 in China and Japan, 1872 in West
Africa, aid 80 in Western Asia
The father Of Dorabella recently found
that little girls chubby little hands full
of the blossoms of beautiful tea-rose, on
which he had bestowed great care. "My
dear" he said didn't tell you not tC
pick one of those flowers without leave p
eyes, papa" said Dorabella, "but al
these had leavess"
"JosH," inquired new importation
from the old country, "does the sun never
"You don't say so, Josh? Well, yor
won't catch me going out West, If it's al
ways night there. L have a cousin on
there who is always boasting how pleasant
it is there; but | suspect it's all moon
shine"
LIVER AND LIGHTS
Two Trends were riding by house
Fast tumbng to decay,
| Whose open doors and broken pancs
| Revealed no face OF clay.
Said one, ''the liver has gone out
| judge from ali these sights"
| AYE" cried the other. merrily,
| The Liver and the Lights !"
| e SINCE the story has been told of how
Judge Breckenridge married girl whom
he saw jump over rail fence with pal
on her head, the girls in Orange county
N. Y, are said to spend their time il
watching the road and whenever they
see carriage approaching with man il
it, they seizt their pals and go for fence
ALEXANDER r. STEWART says: "H
who invests one dollar in business SHOULD
invest one dollar in advertising" Rober
Bonner says, "My success is owing to my
liberality in advertising" Barnum say
liberal advertising made him million
dollars in ten years. Stephen GirarC
said, Constant and persistent advertising
is sure prelude to wealth"
UP TRAIN AND Down TRAIN" VIVA
do you mean by an up traing' inquired ,
rural passenger. "a train whose engin,
explodes and blows up the whole concern
of course" replied the conductor. ether
what do you mean by down train 2
inquired verdant "What else could i
be but train whose engine gets off thu
track and plunges down the bank OF
into the river, with the carriages aftel
it?" "To which of the two does this 'er,
belong?" 1--WE can answer no sucf
question in advance
A GENTLEMAN who was going to New
York from Albany relates that just op
posite him in the car sat lady and hel
child, the latter beautiful little girl with
wonderfully bright eyes and a sweet
winsome face-the very picture, in mina
ture, of her mother. She attracted much
attention, and won many smiles and tendel
glances, as she moved about the seat Al
elderly gentleman, walking through thu
car, looked into the witching thing eyes
and was fascinated at once Stopping, hi
lovingly patted her cheek, and asked
Wont you give me q kiss, pretty ore
like to kiss little girls" She looked a
him very archly for an instant, and theI
1,ar