The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1870-08-04
Ehe SIN aa.ess sardines in the Eox

ghe SIN aEsesg Sardines TN the EOx
Live dirt--A man. 4
Post no bns-Pay them.
This being Ay time, time flies.
The cobbfer has sule purpose ID HE
To remove stains from chaTacter-get
rich.
TO spell brandy with three letters-B'
R and Y.
The most popular side just now-The
shady side.
-Grocers should remember that honest
tea is the best policy.
The prettier the loot and ankle, the ca
sier it gets up stdres.
circumstances alter cases-partiCularly
reduced circumstances.
The first Eve angelical alliance-Ad-
ANS marriage in Eden.
The sweetest of StraiRS-Trylng to hit
a pretty girl on horse
The monogram that makes the most
matrimonial matches is S.
Living from hand to mouth is what
wit calls manual exercise
Why do thieves lead comfortable Ilves!
Because they take things easy.
-'Tis long lane that hsz no turns, and
'tis good mill that always duz.
The man who would keep his head cool
shouldn't put stove pipe on 1t.
ant music? The drinking horn.
-Chnamen eat with chopsticks, and use |
no spoons Butler is down on 'em.
"A Pennsylvania school-marm recently |
''struck e.' But it was Juvenile.
When does woman's tongue 60 quick
est? When it is en- railroad train:
Why is lazness like money? Because
the more man has of it, the more he wants
An exchange asks: why Is wood
ob,ol- I;l,a couooga2 Repause it's a ground
hog"
Chandler is to have bust-by Vir-
einia sculptor. He has the other kind every
week.
When a large widow marries small
man, should he be called the widows miteE
He mite.
Why are types like criminals? Be
cause it amt proper to lock them up with
out proof.
When is Chinaman the most like
vegetable2 Why, when be cue-cumbers his
head, Of conrse.
What do we seek redress for when we
go to law2-"Injuries." Where do we find
it?-"In juries."
We cfer palm leaf fan as premium
to any person who will get up an original
remark about the weather.
What is taking mans name in vain =?
Forging O mans name to a note. and then
obtaining nothing on the note.
"A thief. who lately broke open gro
GERS warehouse excused himself on the plea
that he only went to take tea.
The Hearts Misgivings-E Eating NUT
ton pot-pie, and wondering, after pause
what the contents were composed OF.
1t is said that all japanese women car
read, write and cipher. An exchange says
''In civilized nations men 'sigh-for' them
Obi
Some one saws truly that the best way
for man 20 train up child in the way i
should go, is to travel that way sometime
himself
"A young man in Ohio recently opened
clothing store and was sent to Jail for il
Reason why-the clothing store belonged t
another
II have great love for old hymns.
said a pretty girl to her masculine friend
II am much fonder," he replied, ''of th
young hers"
-"Lenny. you're pig" said q father
his little 6ve-year old boy. Nov. do yo
know what pig is, LenLy? 2" Yes, sir,
pigs a hogs little boy"
Marriage certificates in Chicago have
clause appended to them, like that on a raj
road trip ticket GOOD for thirty days
unless otherwise ordered"
The worst yet An exchange gets o
the following horrible conundrum Nv h
is empty champagne bottle like an OF
Blessed are they that are ignorant, fC
they are happy in thinking they know eve
rything Blessed are the orphan children
for they have no mothers to spank them.
Bachelors are much abused class
mortals, but Quilp says it is much better
laughed at for not getting married, than ne
to be able to laugh yourself because you ar
The Harvard Advocate says that this
the last thing from an impassioned lover
his sweetheart: ''Would you e.
camation point and were two parenthesi
o."
Here is a profane conundrum for whic
the Independent is responsible "What
the difference between temptation and etc
nity2 The one is vile of devil and Il
other devil of a while.
"A western locomotive ran over ma
who was sitting on the railroad track rea
ing newspaper, and now all the local P
pers are claiming their sheet as the one tn
proved so fatally engrossiug.
AT a teachers institute in Missouri
lady teacher was given the word "hazar
Gus" to spell and define, and did it in IL
style: "H-a-z, haz, ard, ard, hazard. edo
ble-s, ess hazardess-a female hazard"
A man in Indiana lost his wife and
family physician the day, and be
now searching for their remains with dc
BILE barrelled shotsgun with the intention
buryibg them both N the same grave.
"A man in South Hadley who has j.
got out of lawsuit, wants to obtain lar
framed picture of cow, with one client
the head and the other at the tail, pullin
an0 the lawyers meanwhile quietly milkir
1t is question that puzzles even t
Universalists to know what will become
man after death who refuses or neglects
pay for his newspaper. All the places l
lieved to exist in the great hereafter
thought to be too good for him.
My son." said gentleman the 9th
= morning to six year old urchin, & wi
you to go on an errand to your grandmot
er's to-day" "It's impossible" I
reply; Il belong to the Highfyer and Tig
base ball club, and both play match gan
to-day-cne in the morning and the other
the afternoon Give me forty cents for