The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-12-17
TWO GIGANTIC SMOKE PIPES

, " WIN ihuCu uilhculty, NJ Editor,
that you penetrate the clouds Of smoke
Hs'rg from tho smoke pipes with your sense
OF sight, a sufficient distance to enable YOU
20 see two human creatures, whose chief &C.
eupatlon seems TO be, for the present time.
close and unremtting attendance on these
immense smoke manufactures. You never
were an attendant on the famous lager beer
saloons kept by portly gentleman in your
city, who reloices in the magnificent cogno
men Of Baron Won HON Kim Schalagen
brlcht. Had you been 50, you would posi-
oily have seen merscbaums to equal or even
excel these in proportions and possibly in
those saloons you would have encountered
clouds OF fragrant smoke that would have
delighted your Olfaetory nerves to inhale
them HoweSSt, tile privilege u yours Al
tSIs moment, IL you only take advantage
of it.
Your observations telch you 50 far, that
IN the shadow, if not in the midst of these
two clouds, II two stalwart gentlemen, who
seem to belong to Tie pipes as much as the
pipes seem to belong to them Mr.. Editor.
you are rather clever 10 van Gus gymnastics
exercises you can use your n sts when Oc-
caslon requires; and you would not stand
to one side for Heenan; but il YOU had a
little of Dennis Murphy about you, and felt
Ike vexlng either Of those gentlemen, to
plague the lolfe out Of him." Just take the
pipe from between his lips. In this case
Mr. Editor, you would require all your
hne cro'chets,and all your sharp demi semi
qulvers put to practical account, in order
% defend yourself Either Of those very
pacific looking gentlemen sitting On those
Joose Goals in the breast would instantly
lump to bis feet
Mine got in himme' but you would
encounter an explosion Of Dutch wrath !
Walls Of this material pen up under pres
sure and not disturbed for half century.
would burst about your editorial head and
ears To take or break up mine keer's
smoke pipe can only be equaled by kissing
miDe-heer's frau, or by killing mine-heer' )
bund Der tiefel und dunner and bitten,
und all der ter bad of der past, der bres-
ent, und all der ills to come il der future
time, would be heaped upon you. With
the Dutch language the froth would flow out
Of mine-heer's mouth. Now, Mr. Editor,
we never supposed you would be guilty of
such ungentlemanly conduct, as taking the
pipe from a mans mouth is; the case is a
suppositOnal one, 50 pardon me.
The name Of the der Herr appended to
der gross merschaum is Johan Flaehter-
macht, and der under one-that is the otter
one-attached to the Immense merschaum,
by his own admission, is Mister or Myn-
herr KaDstricbsferstaey. "An' by nv
troth, " said Dennis Murphy Of this Herr
on one occasion, after asking him few
simple questions, which required simple and
direct answers; "by my trotb," says he,
call can get out Of that big Dutchm az s
name is Mister Kanstnichstferstay, which is
the divils own name, shure.
Boa, Mr.. Editor, as we have much 10 do
and time Is wasting, we cannot linger here
IN this Improbable way, for we shall learn
nothing from these silent gentlemen and
Just Look at the Genie he has a holy hor-
for Of tobacco smoke There is not the
least sign a. yet Of a cessation of operations
on the part Of the smoke pipes, and to Judge
from present appearances, they viii continue
to smoke on through all time, and who
knows but that they may occupy some Of
the beginning Of eternity with smoke, which
let us hope, will not he worse than the
smoke you now see
The attendants Of the pipes are stout fell
lows, and none ia Coaldale more industri.
Gus. They are in no hurry. You can not
see what color Is their cloth; but in each of
th~'r csPacious pant q pockets is a large
sack, we'll packed up with the weed. Still
however much we regret il, we mnst leave
them to enjoy their smoke.
But bold, Mr.. Editor voice comes ont
Of one Of the smoke clouds, and the voice
says: "YO-han?" The other cloud re-
spOnds: "VOss" The former cloud speaks
again and il says: ''Doss var inc bully
hole" The two clouds then relapse into
their former state and are silent, aud
you barely catch a glimpse Of the dim out.
lines Of two human beings as you pass them
and follow he Genie from the inside man.
way, where you are almost suffocated bv
the tobacco smoke the air drives along with
il 10 your direction. You bid a mental
adieu TO JOhan Flacbtermacht and to Mis-
ter Kanstaichtsferstay, and you find your
way by tbe usual m sans into No. 3 breast
where you meet with
WHAT Is "wHATP'
A thin transparent cloud Of smoke !.
just beginning to ascend from the bowl of
very dirty clay pipe. Compared With The
black surfaces of every surrounding object
it is almost white, add it curls up above tbe
heads Of two individuals who are sitting
cheek By jowl on the the loose Goals in the
breast. Champ, champ, champ, goes drill
against the face Of a drill hole which Is be
ing prosecuted in the inside rib Of the
breast, and this drill is worked BY The bands
of third individual, who evidently nr
some reason does not consider hinself-or il
not considered Perhaps-6t company for the
two worthless sitting so close to the uprising
cloud Of tobacco smoke for the third party
is scarcely more than a boy, and seems 70
be chip from the book WHO is manager of
tbe tobacco pipe.
"rI your pipe, man dear, and take
your Whit Along for company sake. vou
see. says the party with the pipa. handino
. tin tobacco box to his companion
$50 ! viii, my boy, says the companion
taking the PrOfsred tobacco box With one
hand, while be draws a pipe quite as dirtv
looking as the one already noticed from !
pocket hidden somewhere IN the region Of
the blouse hswsers. This pipe be packs
full q hlgRampanioD'S tobacco, and lights
{ With ! oNn shining brass lamp, and
hs Febissa~nS Of smoke miugIe TO-
.