The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1870-12-30
HIRAM GREEN'S EXPERIENCE
AS An EDITOR.

"Whooray! Whooray." I ex-
claimed, rushin' into the kitchen door,
one mornin' last Spring, and address
in Mrs. Green. 1--WE been Invited
tn edit the Skeenxboro Fish Horn.-
Fame. madam, awaits your talented
pariner.
Talented Lunkhead, you mean"
said this interestin' female, you'd
look sweet editin' noospaper. So
would II. Ward Beecher dancin' 'Shoo
Fly with Dan Bryant. Don't make a
fool OF yourself if you know any thing
Hiram. and respect your family"
The above conversation was the
prelude to my first last experience III
edith country paper.
Tue editor of the Ftsh Horn went on
a plea trip, TO plant rich aunt
who had died aud left him some cash.
Durin' his absence run his paper
for him. Seatin' my form on top Of the
nail keg with shears and past brush,
prepared to show this ere communi-
ty how 10 run q noospaper.
l writ the follern' little squibs and
put them in'o my first issue:
IF sertin' lite complexion man
wouldn't ran his hands down into su-
gar barrels so often. when yisitin' gro
Gerry stores. it would he money in the
pockets of the Skeensboro mer-
chants"
"Query-Wonder how a farmer in
this town, whose name we will not
rite, likes burnin' wood from his na-
boris wood pile?"
1--WE would advise q sertain' tooth
less old made to leave off paint;n' her
cheeks, and stop slanderin' her nabors.
IF she does so she will be a more in
terestin female to have around"
"Stop Thief-H that Deekin, who
trades ut one of our grocery stores,
and helps himself to ten cents
worth of tobacco while buyin' one
cents worth of pipes. will divide up
Iris custom, it would be dom the
square thing by the nsn who has kept
him in tobacker for several years."
These articles WAS like the Dustin
OF lot of bnobshells in this usually
quiet b ,ro.
The Deelsins called church meet
in, and played game of old sledge
to see who would call and demand
satisfaction for the insult. As they
all snioked, they couldn't tell who
was hit, as their sobacker bill was
small all around.
Deekin Perkins got beat when they
came to "saw off.
"If old Green don't chaw his words,
I'll bust his gizzard."
The farmers met at Simminses
store. after tryin' on the garment
about stealin' wood, it was hard to de-
eide who the coat fit best, but each
one made ap his mind to pay off an
old grudge and "pitch into the lait
Justise.
All the old inades met together in the
village millinery shop, where the Sore
eyeness Society held meetings once a
week, and their false teeth ratified like
a rattlesnake's tail when they read my
article about old mades.
1t was finally resolved by this an
shient lot of caliker to- 'sstir up old
Green"
Headed by Sarah Younans, the
crossest old made in the U. S. ,and all
armed with broomsticks and darnin'
needles, the door of my editorial offs
was busted open, aad the whole ca
Doodle Of wimmen. fanishin' for my
top hair, entered. .
they foamed at the mouth, like a
pack of disappointed OrpIeus-C D.
Keers, as. they brandished their weap-
ons over my bald head. -.
esquire Green," said a maskaline
looking specimensof time-worn caliker
holdin' o copy of the Fish Horn in her
bony fingers, "did you rite that ere?"
"Wall," sed J, feelin' somewhat