The States and Union. [volume] (Ashland, Ohio) 1868-1872, 1870-04-06
ALL SORTS.

A negro parson in the West, preael
ing against the love of money, conolu
ded his sermon by saying: "And f
nally, brethren, you can judge wha
God thinks of money by the class o
people he gives it to!"
a young man in Ohio recent,
opened a clothing store and was sen
to jail for it. Reason-the clothin,
belonged to another nan
Josh Billings says that the mus
quito was born of poor, but homes
parents, who had in their veins som
OF the best blood in the country.
A man in New Hampshire, tn,
other day, ate fifteen dozen raw oys
ters. She silver trimmings alone OF
his coffin cost twelve dollars and thir
ty-fve cents.
A preacher once said IF 20,
know anything that will make &
brothers heart glad. run quick and
tell it; but if it is something that will
cause a sigh, bottle it up-bottle Il
up
In the large dry goods establish
ments the clerks pass q watch
word On the entrance of q certain class
of customers. The phrase is simple
Too on ton. This means keep your
two eyes on her ten fingers"
"When are you going to settle this
bill 2" We've had a settlement al
ready" "When? "The last time
you called" "How So" Didn't /
tell you l mean to settle the bill Pr
Eyes" "Very well. then; wasn't
that q settle meant
A candidate for the medical hon.
ors having thrown himself almost in
to a fever from his incapacity to an
swer the questions, was asked, "Hox
would you sweat a person for the
rheumatism? ?" He replied, 81 would
send him here to be examined
An inebriated man IN Lawrence,
Kansas, was found clinched t. a fence
looking helplessly at a neighboring
row OF shade trees. "Halloa," said .
friend, "whats the matter. Jake ~
"Durn it," responded Jacob, "that
PROFESSIONS never goin' to git past"
A Boston lady complains that q
sweet-tempered d~yspeptic, a little too
spiritual for this world, and a little
too material for the next, and who,
therefore, seems always lowering be-
tween the two. is the highest type of
male loveliness.
Bishop Simpson, Of the Methodist
Episcopal church, gave the following
advice to a class of deacons ordained
by him in Philadelphia last Sunday:
Don't eat late suppers. I have
found that nine out Of ten ministers
who eat after preaching die early"
Professor Liebig has received the
Albert medal from the Society of Arts
Trade and Manufacture of Great
Britain. This is considered to be q
great distinction, as only one such
medal is awarded annually, and this
is the first that has been given to =
German.
A little ~four.year old Boston girl
was taken to the theater to see the
ballet. On her return homo she ex
pressed a wish to dictate q letter to
her father, which she did as follows:
dear papa, i have been to see some
ladies dance They had no fect;--
their toes were on the ends of their
The Albany Argus relates that
when a certain railroad was first
opened n rural member come down
TO the depot, closely examined every
thing, and after inquiring how much
they charged to go to the next station
and return, said: well I guess I'll
come down tomorrow and ride on
your road, but if 1 don't come you
needn't wait
Bridgeport, Conn, abounds in
persons with odd devices for turning
an "honest penny" One fellow puts
his elbows, shoulders and hips out of
joint and back again, and swallows q
sword, all for one cent. Another
made money by exhibiting, in the
post-office rotunda, a piece of flesh
containing trichina, under . micro
scope, for the same fee.
A Galena Qllinois) girl wass ought
by three lovers, who ut length were
with the novel idea that she be
allowed to choose one of them. She, |
however, told them it a a quarrel
Of their own, and they must settle it
among themselves. They then drew
."cuts," and the lucky one, she de-
was the ore she had chosen
from the first.
A new confederate note was lately
sent to Butler, Endorsed ON the back,
the bearer at HelPs Gate" and
Abraham Lincoln" and
countersigned "B. F. Butler" The
recipient of this favor examined it,
and remarked that the man who sent
it had some common sense, at least,
for he knew that such currency would
not pass even in hell without good in