Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1870-09-29
Humorous Readings.
,hop for breakfast-hash.

A chop for Dreak1ast-hasn.
The clothes of the war-uniforms.
The war neasure-a line OF battle.
Noose-paper-the marriage certificate.
The aldermen to their dinner-George
US!
Doing heavy business-Tbe iron deal
ers.
Puuchiuello says that after Turkish
bath a man can walk clean home.
The latest picture of the war is done in
Metzotint.
The potato raisers in New Jersey have
got in their last rows of summer.
A contemporary says Eve was the first
boneparte.
Dyeigg for love-Coloring your mus
tache to please a woman.
The Napoleonic conundrum - Does
heavy cannonading produce a reign :
A liberal translation of "7tmpus Fh3jt'
is few get time"
An Indiana paper says its hopes have
gone where the mole dwelleth."
When is a gate not gate When it's
"to"
If Bazaine can't defeat the Prussirns,
Can robert?
A Boston radical clergyman calls cricket
game of wicketness.
The 10Th of August was not a feto day
for Napoleon this year, as usual, but fate
day.
Ready for another heat-the horses of
! Pboe5us.
Results of silver stock-1. The dream
is ore. 2 Never mined.
In France the Marseillaiae has become
the national Him while in Prussia, Bis
marck is decidedly the national Herr.
A celebrated English professor Of her
aldry is now at Long Branch, studying
the crcsts of the waves.
The youth who cried Excelsior" didn't
know that he was naming five out of ev-
cry six saloons in the country.
It's a great comfort to be left alone, y
said an Irish lover, Especially when yer
swAteheart is wild ye"
Two twin brothers in Boston are said
to be so much alike that they frequently
borrow money OF each other without
knowing it.
A San Francisco Journal charsctyrize,
! the death of the Living Skeleton as II
swindle on the worms.
A Now Jersey editor, commenting on
the title of new book, "Ooly Girl,
asks, "Well, what did they want, twins ?
Josephine gave the first Napoleon q
good deal of trouble. 1t is Nancy that
has been troubling Napoleon III.
If postage on newspapers is reduced IL
one cent, there will be two sent where
. there is one sent now.
' A druggist has this cheerful invitation
in bis show window: "Come in and get *
I emetics for one shilling"
t A vinegar hearted old bachelor says hi
always looks under the head of "marriag
: es" for news of the week"
A good carver should be able to
q - distinguish and divide
e A hare 'twixt south and southwest side.
The Maine girl who, in her devotion tt
: fashion, was killed by insects from hel
JulS bWittu Ihlo NOR btdILi. ui6u II
the line of juty.
2 The man who married three sisters in
succession excused himself for so doing OF
the ground that he got off with only ont
mother-in-law.
The Woman Question-"Can you LEI
. me have $40 this morning?" The Mar
I Question-'What did you do with thai
81 gave you last week.
A correspondent (uumarried) suggests
that Solomon's wisdom was due to the
, fact that he had 700 wives, whom he con
. suited on all occasions.
j. The latest instance of a rose being made
: to smell as sweet by any other name
e comes to us from Sidney, O., where
young man wanting fiddlestrings, asked
r at music store for "feline intestines TO,
7 lyrical purposes"
? A little Hartford four-year-old, re-
! peated the Lords prayer at his mother:
knee, came to the petition, Give us this
: day our daily Bread" and added, sott1
; eoce 'sand candy too"
, The colored servant of Miss Minnie
Bradbury, of Marshall County, Ind, who i;
studying for the ministry, Gays, "Misauf
brays berry well at present, but she will
{ do better presently"