The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-03-15
II U M 0 RoUS EMS

BE" q thorn IN the bush Is worth tWt
in the hand.
BsD~ hate to hear people talking be
hind ones back, as the robber said when
the constable was chasing him and crying,
" Stop thief!'
n&lgN An exchange says, "Therc il
sweet about little girls" Yes
and the older they get (say lS) the
swceter they get.
E@i3' An Irishman who was near-sighted
about to fight a duel insisted that he
should stand six PAGES nearer his antago
mist than the other did to him.
Hs3- A man was lately sent to tn,
luuatc asylum for pcrssting in planting
horsc-chestnuts in expectation Of sorre.
colts.
Some "horrid man" says that in the
present style Of dressing young ladies
hair it is hard to tell which is switch and
which isn't
Rag" g You charge dollar for killing
calf you smutty rascal y said planter tt
I'm old negro NO, no, massa" replied
the gentleman from Africa, / charge fifty
for killum calf, and fifty for de Ano,o
hoW.'
pG2g" Said an astronomer to a bright
eyed girl, when talking Of rainbows, Di
you ever see lunar bow Miss 2 | have
seen beau by moonlight, sir, if that's
what you mean, was the shy rejoiner
g@e3D A sailor being asked how he liked
his bride, replied: " Why, dye see,
took her for to be only halfof NE, as Il.
parson says, but dash me if she isn't twic.
as much as l. Pm only u tar, but she's u
Tartar.
Dzs~ A gentleman in our neighborhood,
astonished at the backwardness Of his
potato crop, had the ground examined by
most experienced Judge 1t was dis
covered that the potatoes were short
sighted, and couldn't see their way
through the soil. After dressing the
ground with liberal supply Of spectacles
our friend was rewarded by seeing the
tubers growing like winking,
B2y~ A fashionable lady at watering
place had a favorite lap,dog which she
called Perchance.
A singular name for your beautiful
pet, madam where did you find it?
"Oh" drawled she, most exquisitely
&" it was named for Byron's dog. You
remebmer where he speaks OF .t,T and
says: Perchance, my dog, will howl"
RGFo A yankee one day asked his law
yer how an heiress might be carried off.
You cannot do it with safety" said the
counsellor, but I'll tell you what you
may do. Let her mount horse and hold
bride whip; do you then mount behind
her, and you are safe, for she runs away
with you" the next day the lawyer
found that it was his own daughter who
had run away with his client.
nss.- A few days ago gentleman whose
proboscis had been lost, was invited out
to tea. MY dear" said the good lady
of the house to her little daughter, 81
want you to be very particular, and tc
make no remarks about Mr.. jenkins
nose" Gathered around the table every
thing was going well the child peepeC
about, looked rather puzzled, and at las
startled the table e" Ma, why did yor
tell me tosay nothing about Mr. jenkins
nose; he hasn't got any"
RSg~ Al a sunday school few miles
from town a few Sundays ago, the lessor
was in the Sd chapter of John, in whicl
occurs the verse" And as Moses liftet
up the serpent in the wilderness, even st
must the Son of Man be lifted up" Th,
teacher, not thinking of the many answer
a child might give to the question asked
GLOW was the serpent lifted up! y
One little bright eyed boy, who had see
serpents handled before, answered proper
ly:
"By the tail, sir"
RsE~ At very successful seance i
i. Cincinnati, the other night man burs
into tears when the medium describe