New-York tribune., 1870-05-26
PHILADELPHIA DOGS.

Dogs, we regret 10 Say, Sulll pio't lHc op-
stinate unwelcome apparitions that stand be-
tween our sister city and her happiness. Other
communities are bestirring themselves WIN
regard to railroads, steamers, or other great
national topics; but the City OF Brotherly
Love still sits solitary, brOOding over the mo-
mentous question: "What shall we do with
"our dogsYo The cause of this solictude it is
impossible for us outsiders rightly to compre-
hend; whether the canine population has really
become alarmingly excessive, or whether 1T
arises from that rare refinement OF charitable
spirit which characterizes the neighboring vii
hge. We incline to the latter suppOsitiOn.
From careful study of our Philadelphia ex-
changes we are forced to the belief that every
shape and form of imaginable human suffer
ing has been there largely provided for, and
that the philanthropsts, in sheer desperation
for new worlds to conquer, are compelled to
turn to the dogs. So entirely is the city free
from the poor and needy human beings to be
found elsewhere, and so comfortable is life to
every Phladelphian, that the benevolent who
wish to confer a gift on their employees or
associates can find nothing else to bestOw
than a graveyard lot. Tombstones are
now quite en- regIe to adorn Christmas
trees, or as pleasant friendly offerings.
It is no wonder, in this beatifc state of COM
pletion and cOmpacency, that the yet uncared-
for vagabOnd ours should have risen like
ghost to trouble joy and have become matter
of deep public concern. For the last year
Philadelpha's fair women and scientific men
have taken counsel together. An asylum was
proposed, in which homeless dogs of the nObler
breed should receive that bodily comfort and
sweet spiritual sympathy which gentle woman
is always ready to bestow. Dogs of the baser
sort were to be sent to that bourne from which
no traveller is supposed to return, especially if
he be travelling on four feet The asylum was
not built, owing to some unreasonable stngl-
ness and outcry from persons lacking in the
nObler sensbilities The ladies proposed to
call it Pound. But the majority were still
unmollifed. Philadelphia stood in grief and
doubt, wandering cur on every street without
a local habitatiOn or a name. Her lamenta-
tiOns over them for year past could be heard
of all men; her priests sighed, her virgins
were afflicted, and she was in bitterness. Last
week an idea came to her relief; but whether it
emanated from the brain of one of the ladies,
or the physicians whom they had summoned
to the council, it is impossible to discover. The
dogs were all collected, a tub constructed of
suitably grave and funereal aspect, the ami
mails committed to it, and closely sealed With
what solemn emotions this was done we leave
our readers to conjecture, and how this novel
burial service was watched by the fair priest
esses as a triumph of Humanity and Science.
Carbonic acid gas was then introduced. Silence
for half an hour was observed. The sarcOpha-
gus was then opened; but instead of cohort
Of dead dogs, each with smile of gratitude
for this euthanasia upon his jowls, behold the
whole NANCY troop frisking and lively to the
last degree!
The dogs were Philadelphia dogs and de-
clined to be done to death in any mode not in
use in the days of Penn Science and Humanity
were wOrsted. Murder as a Fine Art was
failure The ladies and physicians beat an
ignoble retreat, and the dogs were punched
" full of deadly holes" by the police, according
to immemorial usage. Since then additional
gloom has fallen upon our staid sister. The
ghosts of the unscientifcally murdered dogs
rest heavy on her soul, and before the unavail-
ing Pound, like Constance mourning for her
childs fate, there she and Sorrow sit.