The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1870-01-28
9Brit ats 0nuputt.

= Feeding stores--public ofiHs.
When is wife like great coat?
When husband is wrapped up i'll her.
The best ea-weed--a.cigar... on
the beach.
A mans own good breeding is
the best security against other peoples
i'll manners.
,P Advertisement by lady on the
shady side OF for,y-"Losr, q host OF
charms"
An Indian chief in Arizona Is
nuttipe on airs because his wife cost
four ponies-the usual price being one.
Why is man who never lays
wager quite as bad as one VINO does
Ans.-B acause he's no better.
-sIill be round this way in min
ute" as the second -hand said to the
pendulum.
49, A wound given by word is Of
tentimes more difficult to cure thah
wound given by swords
College don't make men; they
only assist, like policemen at the sa-
looms, in bringing them out.
1t sa mistake that the leopard
cannot change hisspots, forwhen he gets
tired of one spot there is nothing TO
prevent him going to another.
They have town in Colorado
named Purgatory. The name is per-
haps a hint to travellers that they ''go
further and fare worst. /"
Destroy the passion for tale tel
ling. Lisp not word that will injure
the character OF another, and rs lar as
you are concerned, Islander will die. !
A Ksnsas paper, snsering at the
stupidity of cotenp orary, says: "Ihs
best thing he got off this week mas
dirty shirt"
- A boy in Springfield to the in
uury why u ship Is called "she,' quit
cd his teacher with the reply, '.Beeause
the rigging cost more than the hull"
"A young man wants a situation
where the only heavy thing is the sal
AIRY. He is willing to dispense with
any amount OF work If this can be
guaranteed.
- A silly fop, being in company,
and wanting his servant, cried out
where is my blockhead ?''
Upon your sholders," replied the
lady.
II say, John amt you glad to see
the wind has lain2
Well. yes am, II it is any relief to it;
but would much rather see the eggs.
Said an ambitious youth one day
to young lady, Don't you thiak I'd
better ,lye my mollstache 2" carressing
the Infant prodigy, 81 think if you
let it alone it will die ITSELF said the
lady.
a California paper. speaking of
the Japanese says: whey will win u
Universal respect by sort OF heathen-
.sh habit they have of mining their
own business"
a priest asked a tipsy fellow
leaning against the fence, where he
expected to 60 when he died. ''lf |
don't get along any better than now,
said the fellow. Il shan't go nowhere. y
On certain occasion of an C.
clpse in Virginia, colored individual
becams greatly eiated. Dress de lord.'
Sand he, s'dc nigger'A time nab come nc
last, aud now ives gwine to tao black
sun."
a young lady who was rebuked
by her brother for kissing her intend
ed, justified the act by quoting the pas
aQe:-sW hatsoever yo would that
mon should do unto you, do even so to
Them
"Who's that gentleman. my
little man ~ was asked OF an urchin.
what one with the spike-taii coat =
sYes." was the response. why he 5
breyet uncle ofmihe." 'How's that?
was asked. "Cause he's engaged to
my aunt Mary"
--.JulIus, hat is psrsllelogram?
ga parry What?"
"A paraIlelogram,"
"a parallelograln, MI Snow is pro-
duced oy sudstaciing der snbase 81 :.
triangle from lie exuilbrlum OF half dc
ratilshes. Do you understands"
.Of course | does. | only axed to
see how much dc niger know'd."
-"Haye you ground all the tools
right as told you this mOsnlng Ehen
L went away ~ said = carpenter to a
rather green lad, whom he had take N
for and apprentice. "All but the hand
saw, SIR" replied the lad promptly;
81 coulJn': get quite all the gaps out
ofthat,"
sslIere, you little rascal, walk up
and giyean account Of yourself. Where
have you boen?p
"After the girls, fathcr!"
!, ''Did you ever know me 10 DO so,
:, when was n boy?'
':sNo, Sir-but mother did.
- An cid gentleman bv the mama
OF Gould having married very young
wife, wrote poetic eplstle to friend.
to inform him OF it, and concluded it
thus:
80 you see my dear Sir, though I'm eighty
years old,
A girl Of eighteen is in love Withhold GouldP
To which his friend replied
"A girl of eighteen may love Gold it is true;
Bat believe me, dear Sir, 1t is Gold without
L."
- + ontenelle, when he was at the
age of ninety, passed Madam Helve-
titus, whom be did not see, without sa-
lu:ing her.
"How little-f ought to believe your
compliments" said the lady to him al
ter dinner ''you actually passed me
without looking at me-"
"Madam," replied the antiquated
beat, al had looked at You never
should have passed."
--A we'll known physician, in a
certain town, is very much annoyed
by an old lady, who is always sure 70
accost him in the street for,the purpose
OF telling over her ailments. Once fhe
met him on Broadway, as he was in a
very great hurry.
'.Ah | see you are quite feeble,' said
the doctor; shut Your eyes and show
me your tongue" She obeyed and
the doctor, quietly moving oil left her
star ding there tor some time in this
ridiculous position, to Infinite amuse-
ment of ali who Witnessed the funny
Gene.
OILS. &c.-Linseed, Neat Foot and
y Train oil KVhfta pgd Shirts Of TuFpeu-