Delaware tribune. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1867-1877, 1870-07-14
d. Dadd,s Current Comments.

-Summery punishment -Quartered at Cape
May.
"A Temperance movement-A procession Of
Good Templars.
"A chap who luxurates in hot weather, and
can stand as much heat as first class salaman-
dor, exclaims "what delightful month is
July!" And echo answers, "u ~"
Somebody who is opposed to spouting Con-
gressmen, thinks it would be capital idea to
send deaf mutes to Congress hereafter. But
wouldn't they make too many "motions?'
Holly contested base ball matches-all those
played when the mercury was up among the
nineties
-" From India comes the announcement that
there is danger of the total extinction of ele-
plants, the hunters are killing them off 80 FAST
To us this is unwelcome tidngs. We have for
years looked anxiously forward to time when
we would be rolling in afiluence, SO that we
might own an elephant of our own. But this
sweet boon is to be denied us, for we couldn't
purchase an elephant now, if they were no
larger than rats. However, we will try to worry
along without an elephant.
An exchange tells of man who was
drowned :" in some uncomfortable Manner
Now this is simply too bad. Means should be
devised so that persons could be drowned COM
fortably.
"A land turtle was recently found on a Lam
| caster county farm, on the shell of which was
carved " Fl. E.-1771. The dozen or more tur-
ties on which we carved "B. D.-10O2," in our
younger days, have not yet been found. When
they arc, look out for some old turtles.
A war cloud-Iied Cloud. He is said to be
on the warpath again.
1t is reported that boarder at. one of the
seaside hotels ''missed his pillow in the night,
and finally found it in one corner of his ear
from which it must not be inferred that all the
visitors at the watering places have big ears.
%, come now; this is too much. An ex-
change prints as Dickens last words II shall be
over soon; y another Its nothing;" and still
another, 81 shall be better presently We think
| the most credulous person will have to get an
able bodied man to help him believe that the
Great Novelist really did get off all those last
words"
| "A Boston paper says 'trhe returned Cafor-
mia excursonists want words with which to cx-
press their qualification during their entire trip
| Do they, indeed II the excursonists had been
ladies', they would have experienced no such
| want
--"Eugenie, of France, has engaged rooms at
Saratoga, for tho summer" THE Empress
Eugenie is to visit Denmark this summer" We
now believe Eugene does actually intend to
| spend the summer somewhere.
| An orator who favors Chinese immigration
exclaims, "Give the Coolies a show" We
have no obiection--pr providing they take the
Show" to China to exhibit.
| The N. Y. Herald thinks, in the Chinese, it
has discovered the long-looked for printing ma
chine, and says '.There is Revolution in this
machine" But how about this machine in the
ReUoiution?
| Tho latest marriage announcement reads
thus " No cards, no cake, no presents, no we'd
ding trips, no honeymoon, no ivorce." In Chi
cago and Indiana, 'sno divorce" is omitted, of
course.
The hotels at the Watering places, and the
| proprieto1s pockct-books are rapidly filling up
To be legally married in Rayenna, o., you
have only to go before the Mayor, state that you
"intelligently, religiousy and spiritually" love
each other, and declare yourselves ''rclgiously,
philosophcally and scientifically married." Only
this and nothing more,-in Rayenna
"A non-Gernan-speakng census-taker in a
Teutonic New York district has resigned. He
found every family named Nichtsverstay, and
that was all the information he could gather.
A Chicago couple were married in a balloon
on the 4tl, at an elevation of two hundred yards
above the ground. They have not yet hit upon
novel method for the divorce.
A young American blew out his brains re-
Gently because he could not learn to play the
piano. The piano-forte not being his forte, it
never occurred to him to try fishing for CLAIMS.
Newspaper editors are poking fun at a CEN
sils-taker, because he couldn't understand how a
woman aged 81 years. could have a son twenty
seven. We don't believe the editors themselves
could understand it.
A Tennessee quack doctor named Young has
eloped with six young ladies' From which it ap-
pears the young ladies of Tennessee are anxious
to marry Young.
Mrs. Hugg of Chicago, wants divorce from
Mr.. Hugg. The pun here is 80 obvious, we re-
frain from pointing it out.