Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1870-01-19
THE CHRONICLE.
Wit and HunnOr.

Wit and HumOr.
The best of angels-A right one.
Youths companion-A pretty girl.
How to get a oothold-Take a boot
jack.
Limited partnerships-A Chicago
marriage.
People who have an eye to business
Opticians.
Force pump-A dunner or an inter
viewing reporter.
Does a person lose his health when
some n drinks it?
A romance of the middle ages-An
old maids love letter.
Can not a gentleman properly have
a black guard to his watch?
Labor is honorable, but there is a
good deal of work in getting it up.
The merchant who has been for
some time bent on pleasure is at last
broken.
What is better than presence of
mind in arailway observation-disclosures
of body.
A young farmer, who inquired how
best to start aRursery, was told to get
married.
When may a man be said to break
fast before he gets up? when ne
takes a roll in bed.
In carving fowls, the point is to hit
the Joints 4; but in carving character,
the Joints appear to be discarded alto
gether.
There is a man in this city so careful
about disturbing the quiet of Others
that he invariably goes into the sub
urbs when he blows his nose.
A Yankee editor says: ''The march
/ of civilization is onward-onward-
like the slow but intrepid tread OF a
iackass toward a peck of oats"
Prentice said one day last week,
when a journal entitled Morning re-
! triot was placed upon his table,, Il
have no faith in patriotism that don't
last all day"
An old lady in the country sends to
know if the Shoe Fly flies among
shoes altogether. We have known
shoes to fly quite lively under cater
wauling inspiration.
There is q fellow in this city whose
mouth is so wide that he laughs one
half of it at a time. Ittakes precisely
fifteen minutes for the point OF aJoke
to get across the yawning chasm.
Beggar-woman-"Please sir, give
me a penny to keep me from starv-
ing ~ Gent-"Can't stop in a great
hurry; I've got to make speech at
the Society for the Relief Of the Destl-
tute.n
81 think 1 have eel you before,
sir said n gentleman to another.
Are YOU not owen Smith? ?" "Oh;
yes.n replied the other, "Im OWN,
Smith. and owin' Jones, and OWN
Brown, and OWN everybody"
Pease is the name of a well-known
teacher in Bangor, Me. A youth
named Bean, who attended his school
was reciting his lesson one day, and
hesitated a moment, when the teach
er remarked sit takes beans a long
time to sprout." mo longer than
peas, sir" replied the boy.
The a is queer. Sometimes it
hears the faintest murmurs of the
zephyr; again it is oblivious to thun-
der-like noises. A young lady hears
an invitation to go to the opera, even
if given only in whispers; but she
doesn't the stentorian calls OF her
mother to sweep the sitting-room.
"Why do you not admire my daugh-
ter?'' said a proud mother to a gen.
tleman. .
because" he replied, 81 am no
Judge of paintings l.,
but surely" replied the lady, not
in the least disconnected by this rude
''you never saw an angel
that was not painted"
AQUAKERL ETTEK.-"FriendJohn
1 desire thee to be so kind as to go to
one of those sinful men in the flesh,
attorneys, and let him take out
instrument with a seal thereunto,
by means whereof we may seize the
outward tabernacle of Charles Green,
and bring him before Friend Bar
nard, the judge, and teach him to do,
in future. as he would be done by I
Thy friend"
A little boy was washed and dressed
one morning, and sent to Sabbath
being warned not to pass the !
hospital. During the exer-
cises the teacher asked George if he
had ever been baptized. Smallpox
and vaccination happened to be up
permost in Georges mind, and being
too young to know the differ
ence between baptized and v~accinated,
and being ashamed to be thought ig-
norant, he promptly and somewhat
pompously answered: eyes, sir; 1
have been baptized five or six times,
but it never took" \