Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1870-06-12
BREvITIEs AND LEvITIEs.

a. E<sO AMI Il L
We forgive too little-forget too much
Years do not make sages; they oui !
make old men,. r fsdfsi @
What can you rot name with ouI
breaking itl Silence.
The best waiting maids-cIderly fe-
males unmarried.
You cannot preserve happy domestic
pairs in family jars. .s
He who has good health is rich man
ana does not know it.
| Ladies wear wells on the principle that
indistinclness lends enchantment 10 he
view.
A chap who bought gas meter at Ak
ron, wanted to know SHOW long such q
box full would last. 9A Edi
A member of Sorosis wants TO know
why, since New York has city cham
berlain, it shouldn't also have city
! chambermaidl
| A Western paper thinks that women
would not make good statesmen. s'The
question of the age" would always trouble
| them.
| { In Paris, they define miser as 'sa phi
lanthroplst who, knowing money TO be
| the root of all evil, sacrifices himself for
the good of his neighbors-n
| EIadies and gentlemen, said an auc-
tioneer, ''these articles are no sham ;
they are genuine tapestry carpets, made
by Mr. Tapestry himself. y r5f8 all
A Boston savant defines a seavenger,
as seen in that city, to be, GA decrepit
octogenarian, of African descent who
| trifes with broom and shovel In the
street. ss
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. man, are you
not aware that tobacco is slow poison "
Young man Quitting at his cigar)-"Yes,
sir, the slowest poison ever known
A little Connecticut boy, asking mate
who Good Friday was, received the with
ering reply, "Well, you go home and
read your Robinson Crusoe. /"
''What lovely little snow-drop that
is, y said friend to Voiage, as blonde
beauty, with flowing tresses, passed them
on che Brighton road. "a snow-drop ]
should say she was hair-belle, y said the
practical paragrapher.
Embarrassing "Won't yCu let me kiss
you, little one ~ asked gentleman of the
beautiful daughter of beautiful mother,
as he was taking leave Of her in the cars.
seWouldn't you rather kiss motherl" was
the arch reply.
Josh Billings says: 81 allus advice
short sermons, speshallyon hot Sunday.
| If minister kant strike lie in forty minits,
he haz either got poor gimlet or else he
is boring at the wrong hole.
Il - IN rrI-ol, q Meet
field, Mass, character explained how be
| got Unmatched with shTew:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them mamma
Captain George Ace Noble wanted wife,
| And the devil sent him Hannah.
A young man who has tried until he
knows, tells us that if you so to call ona
young lady, and she crochets diligently
all the evening, and only says ''yes" and
eno," you can go away about nine or q
quarter past without breaking any of the
rules of etiquette.
A Columbus photographer presented a
revolver at the head of q gentleman who
was sitting for his photograph, with the
cheering remark: "My reputation as an
artist is at stake. If you don't look
smiling III blow your brains out. " Id
smiled CHASTITY smile.
"Here, Alfred, is an apple. Divide it
politely with your little sister " How
shall / divide it politely, mamma ,
"Give the larger part to the other per
son, my child" Alfred handed the a.
pie to his sister, saying, Here, sis, yoI
divide it yourself. "
care you in favor Of return to
| the sweeping style of dress!" we asked
of sensible lady. the other evening.
'.No, sir, was the emphatic response /;
"only ladies wearing boots ranging from
number five upward are in favor of re
establishing the abomination of long skirts
for street wear, ;" all of which we verify
believe.
Somebody gives the following as the
soliloquy of church-going belle:
should think they would keep the pews
from dust; shall certainly soil my new
satin. Iwonder whether any body no
ticed my new bonnet l think it's very
becoming. Goodness! if there isn't Miss
Sprague, the school teacher, rugged out
in new silk suit. She spends all her
salary on dress, or I'm mistaken. | do
hate vanity and ostentation.
Josh Billings is responsible for the fol
lowing: ''There haint been bug made
vet in vain, nor one that wan'ta good job.
Thare IL ever lots of human men loafing
about blacksmith shops and cider mills all
over the country that don't seem to be
necessary for anything but to beg plug
tobacco, and swi o, and steal water-melons,
but you let the kolery break out once, and
then VI will see the wisdom of having jisi
SIGH men laying around; they help count. :
IT is related of Knowles that, having
made preparations for trip into the coun'
try, he went to the dressing room of the
manager, and said in his usual emphatic
manner: 'T'm going out of town to-
morrow. Can take any letters or par
GELS for you?" "Wel, my dear Knowles,
replied Webster, 'I'm much obliged t
you, but where are you going 2" ''Upol
my faith said the ingenious Irishman
81 really don't know, for l haven't made
up my mind.
/ As illustrating the manner in which tn
true New England Yankee always evade
being "cornered," Arthur Gilman tells
capital story of a Yankee schoolmsste
who was always Dragging about tn
United States. In conversation with a
Englishman, he said: owe can lick 20
right smart. 'We'Ve allus done it, an
we can do it again. At Lexington, Cor
, cord, Saratoga, Bunker HIN, and lots c
other places, we give you fits. Eyes,
said the Englishman, 81 do remem5t
. | those places; but then there was the ba
: | lie of White Plains Cat which the Amer
. cans suffered severe defeat, and wei
, much disheartened), we rather beat yo
, there" "Wa'al, you did. l forgot a
! about that. shouldn't have thought
Z it if you hadn't aspoke Of it. But ther
you see, at that battle the American
] somehow didn't seem to take any int9re'
| in the fight!"
A QUEER SOCIETY.
4 e. l. = 81, oil NJ