The Planters' banner. [volume] (Franklin, Attakapas Co., Lou.) 1849-1872, 1870-03-23
WIT AND HUMOR.

little girl who was sent Gu to huut
eggs thought strange that she did not find
any. as there were several hens sta. mg
arouud doing nothing.
Jake. did you like them posched eggs
Sary gin ye fur dinner"
''1ou bet. What makes YOU ask
''Oh, muffin, only they was snakes eggs
tho hired man found under the barn.
lady at Wiiiiamsport, Pa, has not been
able to sleep for 4 month. Examination IN
to the cause by eminent ply ysicians revealed
thstsrrible truth that her night gown was
out of fashion.
man locked his wife into an upper room
and not being satisfied with this punish
ment, but wishing to aggravate her still fur
ther, sent his son up with . bone. The youth
innooently brought it and said; "Slothcr.
father sent this up. and says there is bone
for you to pick" The gentle mother re-
piled: Take it back and tell him he is not
your father, and there is bone for him to
pick"
a pupil in defamation having been told
TO gesticulate according to the sense, in
commencing a piece with The comet lifts
its fiery TAIL" innocently lifted the tail of
his coat. and looked around for applause.
A Cincinnati paper advertises for girls for
cooking. A contemporary replies: You
would like them raw when you get accus-
toned to them"
A wag recently appended 10 the list OF
market regulations IN the city of Cincinnati:
mo whstling near the sausage stalls"
A man in Michigan has discovered that
his heart is on tho right side. Alas, that it
should be uncommon!
Why cannot deaf man be legally con-
demned for murder! Because the law saws
no man can be condemned without hear
ing.
isn't your bill awful steep!" inquired
spendthrift of his tailor. ''Yuu ought to
know best for it was run. up by you," was
the cool reply.
A Nevada City-merchant advertises: ".Old
rags, of greenish hue. with Chase's photo
graphs, cheerfully accepted in payment for
stock
"Wake up here, and pay for your lodg-
ing" said deacon. as ho nudged a sleepy
stranger with a contribution box.
Wha: the old mamtaineer says of the
grizzly: Il: is fine thing to hunt the griz
ely; but when he gets to hunting you it's
different"
Briggs has faculty of getting things
cheap. The other day he lad beautiful
set of teeth inserted for nothing. He kicked
a dog.
A western minister told the young ladies
that the first step to ruin was a yard of gay
colored ribbon and IN ostrich feather. The
next day one Of the young women, having oc-
casion to purchase some ribbon, went into
the store and told the clerk sse wanted three
mors steps to ruin to match . pisce.
81 suppose" said q quack. while feeling
the pulse of a patient, Who had reluctantly
submitted to solicit his advice, IL suppose
you think a.e bit q humbug.'' Sir"
sravely replied the SICK man. II was not
Ii aware until now that you could 20 readily
discover a saa's Thoughts by feeling his
pulse"
| A Montana vigilance committee caught
an obnoxious character. set him on his mule,
and told him he had precisely fifteen minutes
to aeave the country in. He replied: "Gente,
if this mule don't balk five'll answer"
An Irish woman recently attempting to
describe tho growth of potatoes in Ireland,
after saying they were ever SO long and ever
90 big round. concluded. "and sure bushel
of them viii fill 4 barrel."
I A good oldQuaker lady. after listening to
the extravagsnt yarn of a shop keeper as
long as her patience would allow. said to
hims Friend, what pity it is sin to lie!
itseems so necessary to thyharpiuess."
"Where are you going!" asked little
boy of another who had slipped and fallen on
a. icy pavement. Going to get up" was
the blunt reply.
p Among thg contributions. to the jubilee
fund of religious socisty ip England was
one Of f2I, given as a thank offering for an
Iexsellsnt wife in heaven and an excellent
wife on earth.
| "A disgusted woman ip Iowa sued for q
divorce because hes husband had given her
during fsar years Of married life, only one
presents csral necklace:
"A young lady in California broke her neck
while resisting the attempt of young man
to kiss hss. Hosng ladies' should be very
careful not 20 resist such attempts. 1t is
extremely dangerous.
| Blighted Affection has caused Verlncut {
youth of 50 to sell his house. live in hay
NOW in his barn, and never have his clothes
washed.
A Trenton paper reports that an aged
couple who celebrated their golden wedding
in that city recently. are chiidless. but the
deficiency was supplied by gifts from num-
Der Of the guests.
An impending Berkshire. Mass. wedding
has one novel feature; the groom accepting
his fate for S500to be paid him by the bride
On the wedding day.
'WiIl you take some grapes, monsieur
ashed gentleman Of Freuchman. M
!, sare." he replied. II don't swallow my win
in ze shape Of pills.
A little fDur year old miss. hearing gen
t tlemaA addressed Ut her fathers house as Nh
Joseph. eyed him intently for while, an
t, the asked, WAS you tho Mr.. Joseph tina
, wac sold by his bretfren!" Yfs, replie
the geptleman, l have been sold grea
many times, my DEAR ''Oh. / was S
sorry fbr you!" said the little kindly heart
t At colored meeting few nights ago.
n worthy bcotner, whose piety exceeds HI
n leayning, rather astonished his hearers b
quoting. during an exhorMtion, from I'd
r 'pistle oh St. Paul to de Canadians.
9 An Irishman hearing of friend wi o had
= stone coffin made for himself, excaime
Faith. that's good. Sure, an a stone CO
= fla d last a man a lifar rtime.''
suyl III