Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1870-04-28
ITEMS.
TmpEs+s1inbeams.

1lGAI 49, !
A Coop SIDE SHow-Alpretty cheek.
1,0oO,09O-A millionaire is necessarily q
naughty man.
How many Achers constitute suitable
grounds of complaints
soMa grocers show their grit by sand
ing their sugar.
"CAN you return my love, my dearest
Juliaa" Certainly, sir I; LIDO not want
II, I am sure"
"HURRY, mamma" said "a little inno-
cent, with his cut finger, 'hurry, it's leak
FoRETHoueHT and prudence both say
insure your life. Take their advice and
insure in the Washington.
MANY men nourish aswicked contempt
for cold water. They hate the bucket,
and Consequently 500 kick it.
A JERsEYMAN, in reply to the charge
that women can do no lighting in time of
war, says his wife does nothing else.
A MsTRIoNIc party, who had heard a
good deal about the theatre of war" sug-
gests that the back seats must be very de-
sirable.
THE Washington Life Insurance Com
pany is increasing more than two thou
sand dollars per day above all1osses and
expenses.
"A NEM YORK hotel recently startledi its
guests by putting " mice pis" in the bill
of fare. Investigation proved that mince
pie was intended.
A MAN may be ever SO poor, he may be
ever 50 unfortunate, but he need. never be
hard up for candles 50 long as he makes
light of his sufferingE
THE Detroit FTe Press finds another
argument against hard work in the fact
that aiman recently died within five min
utes after splitting some wood.
A DowN-EAsT paper says, in an obitu-
airy notice, that sthe deceased had been
for several years 8 director of a bank, not
withstanding which he died a Christian,
and universally respected"
A TRADEsMAN objected, the other day, to
receive from one of his customers a note
at 80 days, on the ground that he might
die before that time. "Diei" exclaimed
the customer, /" whoever heard of a man
dying within 3Oidays."
THE following advice is from a New
burg paper: Press on, young man, though
you be poor We know a youth who,
/ Withaonly his two hands and a.. crowbar,
lopened q jeWelry store, and now he is
living j "a fin stone residence in Sing
Sing.
A SMART old lady, being called into
court as witness, grew impatient atthe
questions put to her, and told the Judge
that she would quit the stand, for he was
"raly n sof. the most inquisitive old
gentlemen she ever
THE receipts at the Boston Post Office
last year amounted to $3,133,100, most of
which was in sums of a few centssor dol
lars, and not n cent was lost. The
Quantity of mail matter passing through
the office has doubled within four years.
HUSBAND. af L were to lose you, ]
would never be such a fool as to marry
again." Wife. eff were to lose you, !
would marry again directly" Husband.
"My death would be regretted by at least
band. my successor"
TIE Danbury, Conn, Meas OF a recent
date says: "Sunday being a balmy day,
the stylesewere brought out. The most
richly dressed lady we saw is the wife Of
a man who has owed this Office $13 fol-
nearly three years He says he-cannoi
raise the money, and we believe him."
CAvENDIsH, the philosopher, invariably
had a leg of mutton for his solitary din
ner. Onsone occasion he announced to
his servant that six gentlemen were to
dine with him on that day. What am
to give them for dinner 20 CALCULATED the
factotum, in dismays Zone leg of mutton
won't do for six gentlemen.n "Then give
them six legs Of mutton y was the philo-
sophical reply.
THEY are constantly making the most
interesting discoveries of antiquities al
Rome. Among other things lately found
at Ostias is a. portable iron kitchen
1t shuts n opens; when closed, there is
one place for Goals and a saucepan; when
open, the kitchen is in the form of a star,
radiating from this center furnace, and at
the endsof each ray is a little furnace, with
places for cooking utensils.
A CLERGYMAN in acertain village de-
sired the clerk to give notice that there
would be no service in the afternoon, as
he war going to ~of1ciate for a clerical
brother in the vicinity. Immediately after
4 service, the clerk, rising up, called out
Il am desired to give notice that there
will be no serUice this afternoon, as DIR.
B is going GjishEng with another cler-
gyman." Mr.. b of course corrected
the awkward blunder.
HAHNEMANN, the founder of the Ho-
meopathic school, was one day consulted
by a wealthy English lord The doctor
listened patiently to the statement which
the patient made to him. He then took q
small vial, opened it, and held it under
the lords nose. "SmelIk Well, you are
curedr The l~ord@asked, in surprise,
How much do Lowe you !" "a thou
sand francs" was the reply. The lord i'm.
mediately pulled out d bank-note and held
it under the doctors nose. Smell
We'll, you are paidI"
FLEASANTOH uSeu u beA al
amusing Indian story. He was once, while
stationed at q frontier post, surrounded by
threatening bands of C~heyennes. He
wished very much to negotiate a treaty
with the Chiefs, but they were too sus'
picious or hostile to place themselves in
his power. At last he succeeded in cap
turing ayoung Indian of rank, whom he
held as a hostage. One day this captive
s~ullenly stalking about thefort came upon
a soldier who, for want of better amuse
ment, was playing with a child's jumping
jack. The savage was transflxed with
wonder and admiration. He watched the
antics of the little figure in breathlesl
J silence for some minutes, then turned and
ran past the sentinels, leaped all obstruc
lions, and escaped from the fort. In
short time, however, he returned, heading
a ~deputation of chiefs, who, latter spending
an hour or SC in wrapt contemplation O
the jumping jack, held a solemn council
F and negotiated the desired treaty, stipu
lating, as the most important condition
that the marvellous little toy should al
ways remain at the fort.
HERE is a pen picture of an insect, the
original of which, says the Cincinnati
Times, may be seen on a certain promenade
in that. city any fine afternoon: There
came along a specimen that I thought haC
just walked into animation from the dool
of a tobacconist's. It was dressed il
II aloaIro1 -o-k, &c.,, 4.rHk xroY1 1,0ru - T.