Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1870-01-11
with which my interiors were nearly
turned wrong side out.

euihSo oANS Oub'
After a while l got we'll enough to
lounge on the front porch of the hotel.
One morning, while sitting there,
mule-team drove up in charge of a
man with yellow dog. The man
had five bee-hives in his wagon. |
was walking around, trying to be
sociable, when | accidentally trOd on
the dogs tail. The brute gave yelp
and jumped around and bit me in the
leg, and in trying to get away from
him, fell against the off mule, who
was an irritable jackaSs, and who i'm
mediately kicked me in the jaw. The
man aimed a blow at the mule with
his whip for this but the lash was not
long enough, and it struck me In the
eye, causing me to set up such a howl
that the whole five hives of bees
swarmed on me and Stung me until,
dancing about in exquisite pain, STEP
ped on the grating in the pavement
and fell through to the coal hole, right
on top Of an Irishman who was get
ting coal, and who, thinking ! did it
on purpose, tried his level best to
brain me with the scoop-shegel,
1t was rough on me, you can just
bet.
Well, after numerous similar mis-
haps, | got fairly started over the
plains. All went well enough until
one night when we lay camped out,
and everything was still as DEATH
About midnight l got the nightmare
and shot my revolver Off killing
teamster dead on the spot, just as a
lot of Indians pitched in ard captured
me. They ran arrows into me until
| was full, and then scalped me, and
made me hopelessly bald for life.
Look at my head now, will you?
lay there all night, with the
wolves, attracted by the scent Of blood,
Chawing on me, but | would have made
out to crawl away had not buffalo
bull the next morning, excited by my
red flannel shirt, tackled me with his
horns and pitched me into a gully,
where | lay insensible until the next
day, when a fire swept over the pra-
irie and scorched me as black as a
cinder.
Rough on me, wasn't it +?
That day, however, a train came
along and | was picked up. They
mistook me for colored man at first,
and as they were all pro-slavery men,
they did not think Of leaving me, and
one fellow actually asked me if | want
ed to vote
Want to vote! | wanted to die
just then, you can believe.
When we got out to Salt Lake City
| had nearly recovered, and would We
~ likely soon have been well, if an
earthquake hadn't shaken a house
over on me and nearly mashed me in
to a Jelly.
1t was the first earthquake that had
ever happened in that section. 1t ey-
idently had been waiting for me to
come along.
But | won't bother you with all OF
the misery | endured. got into San
Francisco at last in pretty plight,
but | found remittances awaiting me
there. and, on the whole, / felt first
rate. | went into business, and made
out very well for some months. One
night my store burned to the ground.
"All right" says l shes insured.
anyhow"
So when went around 70 collect my
insurance | fornd the policy had eXpir-
ed just the day before, and the bank
in which l had deposited my money,
although considered one Of the safest
in the United States, had burst up
while | was at the insurance office.
"Now III leave it to you" said Mr..
William Mckinley, if | haven't had
hard time Of it? don't care a cent
what happens now, I don't actually.
If I'm struck by lightning or chopped
into sausage-meat, its all the same to
me. I'm ready for any little excite
ment of that kind.
And now could you lend me a quar-
ter to begin again on, John? p asked
William Mckinley.