The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1870-02-11

Slender party who IS net very com ?
Carbohydrates street cars ought
to charge by weight"
Stout party Sharply -"Ah, if they
did, they would never stop to pick
you up
A mother, not long since, was la
menting the loss of a child Zone OF a
family Of eight. Because, she
said, there was just enough for
cotillon, aud they did dance SO pref
tily."
Pretty teacher =" Now, Johnny
Wells. can YOU tell me what is meant
by miracie?'
JOHNNY" Yes, teacher; mother
SAYS if you don't marry the new par
son it will be miracle !"
An Irish witness was recently ask
ed what he knew of prisoners char
acter for truth and veracity. Why,
troth, since liver I've known her,
she's kept the house clean and da-
cent"
A prisoner brought up before
police magistrate on Christmas morn
ing, pathetically said: 1.-THE city IS
bad place; the whisky is stronger
than in the country. L wish L hadn
left the country to come here. The
country is the best place for man.
Charlie, said Grandma reprov-
ingly, your portion will be In the
burning lake at last if you go on tell
ing SO many stories" Oh! no,
Grandma, | couldn't stand it.. But
you will be made to stand it, my boy"
"Oh! well, Grandma, if L can only
stand it its all right."
4 pompous clergyman once said to
a chubby faced lad who was passing
him without raising his hat. Do
you know who | am, sir, that you
pass me in this unmannerly way?
You are better fed that taught |
think" Wa'al, maybe it be so,
mister. said the boy. fur you teaches
me, an feeds myself. "
A Down East paper says that per-
suasive and humbugging agents are
about In that region selling lightning
rods. One old lady told an agent she
had no fear of lightning, but she had
always been afraid of thunder. Just
So" he replied; I'VE can meet your
case exactly. The square rods are
| hghtntRg-rods, and the round ones
are thunder-ro Of course she is
now protected"
You can't stand there" said a
Waterman to a thin man in a suit of
rusty black, who was endeavoring to
| maintain a favorable position for
viewing late fire you must come
down. sill"
ALLOW me to remain, if you please
[ am a reporter, and it is necessary
should see what is going on"
don't care, responded the
guardian; IF you want report of it
you'll see it in the papers tomorrow"
A little boy named Knight, who re-
Gently entered the mission school, of
New London, was told by the teacher
that he must be a good boy, cud when
he died he would go to heaven. The
little boy was pleased with the pros
pect, and promised to be the best
kind of boy. The next Sunday he
appeared in his place. looking sorrow
full, and the teacher asked him if he
had been a good boy. Yes" he re-
piled; I've tried to be good, but it s
no use. The boys say | can't 60 to
heaven If ! am ever so good" why
do the boys say that?" asked the
teacher. They say, replied the boy,
with the utmost simplicity, there'll
be no night there. "
At a recent examination of Scotch
farmer, on his sister entering the box
to be examined, the following con.
versation took place between her and
the opposing agent:
Agent-"How old are your
Miss Jane-"Oh, weell, sir, l am
an unmarried woman, and | dinna
think it RIGHT to answer that ques-
ton"
The Judgs-"Oh. yes, answer the
gentleman how old you are.
Miss Jane" Well a we'll [ am
fifty"
Ageu;-"Are you not more?"
Miss Well, | am sixty"
The inquisitive agent still further
asked her if she had any hopes o
getting married, to which she re-
piled:
"Weell, sir, | widna surely tell ;
lie; hinna lost all hopes yet" AnC
she scornfully added. Bat l widn'
marry you, for | am sick and tireC
o your palaver already"
The examination proceeded.