The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-10-22
HOME MATTERS.
PEPPER AND SALT.

Wa" "eosuer 8etSny ''nlco warm comforters
for their beds-you know .Welike q joke even
IT We are the victim. A few days ago we went
into warehouse, and volunteered to turn fam
ning-milt for few minutes. A couple of men
back in the building, espying us in our black
suit and white shirt, So out of character with a
laboring man, looked at US in establishment, and
the following dialogue ensued: First laborer-
Say, Mickey, who the divil is that" Second
laborer-"Oh! THUS a Dutch priest gone crazy ?"
IA few days ago number of gentlemen got
some livery rigs and went down the river on
grand squirrel hunt. Returning home in the
evening, aock of quails appeared ahead of
them in the road. The bugyies were stopped
the men, all excited, did not get out, but con-
cluded to bang away at the game in the buggy
Dropping the lines, one chap riased his gun and
blazed away The horse, totally unused to sush
proceedings, jumped forward about twenty feet.
The buggy was a no top concern, with an open
box back Of the seat. The box il Of that little
round butter bowl fashion. The springing of
the horse of course upset the gentlemen in the
seat,one Large ,deshy man, with head innocent
of hair, fell into the box. his broad shoulders
just filling it completely. His head hung over
the end of the box, and his heels were making
lively gyrations The other chap fell on the top
of the first victim, and then rolled off and
sprawled in the mud The old lune stopped
and looked back to see what was broken. The
fellow in the buggy, IN this ridiculous position,
Vas unable to extricate himself, and his compan.
ions in the other buggies, finding that nobody
was hurt, stood and laughed at them until they
were tired before they released him. They all
agreed mot to tell and you see how they have
kept their word Bowman, the photist, how
is that for good word, has bought the ceebra.
ted trot'ius mare, Lady Douglass. She is a
splendid 240 nag, and cost Mr.. B. $500, we I'M.
derstand. We'd like to borrow her for year or
so.... We understand some ugly and unpriuci.
Piled "~iians' are around town claiming to be
as handsome As We are. No you don't That
won't work. lady told us yeterday she thought
We were awful pretsy-as pretty as coal scut.
tie and bowl of lard -. The blacksmiths of
the Republican second-class printing Office in this
city, threatened to challenge the typos Of the
FREE TRADER to set type for small sum. The
FREE TRADER boys saw them" and went a
hundred dollars better" since when the Re.
publican office has not been heard from. The
Imposition is that they have surrendered at dis
erection. Farmers in need of second.class corn.
will find the article" at the Republican office,
where all sorss Of second rate work is done, But
We find no fault with them-they do the best
they are capable of....Some years ago some
gentlemen from Ottawa went on huntinx ex.
cursion down the river. One fellow AYERS that
he shot 362 ducks at one single shot. Another
man. who had borrowed gun, attempted to
achieye the rome feat. The gun WAS ambitious,
aud bursted in the attempt! but the man insists
that the other guu ds<i kill 1862 ducks at one
shot. We have used all our influence to get him
to reduce the number few ducks, but he posi-.
lively refuses to throw off did-did duck
I'VE are indebted to Walther, for three swee,
potatoes, the smallest weighing three lbs, and
the largest Ave lbs Ave ounces. They were very
fine, and ere this "hsve gone where the wood.
bine twineth,' that is, into our extensive, neat
but not gsudy mouth. Do some more, Walther
-"BArks is willin'". IA few weeks ago Jim
Cross gave one Of the editors of the Republican,
a can Of oysters. The hungry fellow felt SC
grateful about it, that he acknowledged the re-
| ceipt of it in quarter column editorial. The
editor of the Streator Monitor read the edit
orial and the description of the oysters made
his mouth water, and also being jealous O.
his more fortunate neighbor, pitched int
the Republican chap for not dividing with tn,
Monitor. We will see that Mr. Dalton, of tn,
Strfator paper, shail not starve. We will sent
him an empty can by telegraph :. :. Mitchell, a
Buttons restaurant, is an inveterate wag. II,
''cuts up" because be can't help it. One day
lately be arranged the casters and dishes on th
table and covered them up with table cloth
giving the thing much tho appearance OF
corpse laid out for the coffin. You ought t,
have seen gentlemen come in, and take off the
hats in solemn respect for the supposed dead
and talk seriously in whisper, and then asl
who is dead, aud have the fearful Mitchell, sob
bling alond, RISE the cloth and say "Old Mr.
(boohoo!j Pepper and Salt is gone dead !" The,
you would zee these young men suddenly pusl
on their h ,s and leave, exclaiming, "Sold, b,
| Jinks !"
LECrUREs.-The young gentlemen Of thi
city, of literary disposition. are very DESTROYS o
having II course of lectures this winter. 1t is
question TO whether the prominent stars shall