Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-05-20
II sssOr.


pers.
Gambling on the Green Betting on the
turf.
II speak within bounds" as the prisoner
said to the jallor.
..My dear wife," as the man said, when
he looked at the last milliner's bill.
"Rents are enormous" as the poor fellow
said when he looked at his coat.
One way of giving man chance OF
rising in the world. Knock him down i
A safety match-tcn thousand year on
both sides.
To make an artless girl hcartless, it only
requires he.
The best cure for dirt, is the water
cure.
It makes all the difference in the world at
which end of your name you put DR..
One green carleton dress contains arsenic
enough to kill three men; yet men 7eln run
after green carleton dresses.
Railways are aristocrats. They teach ev-
ery man to know his own station and to
stop there.
Due is the Latin for military leader, says
paper. Nice ducks some of our military
leaders are
Why is lawyer like sawyer? Because
whichever way he moves-down must come
the dust.
Almost every young lady is public spirited
enough to have her fathers house used as
courthouse.
An architect proposes to build "Bachc-
lors' Hall which will differ from most houses
in having no Ewes.
A woman in advertising her runaway
husband says: ''David has q scar on his
nose where I scratched him"
Abiding to chignons, Mrs. Clever said:
"a girl now seems all head" eyes, till
you talk to her." replied Mr.. Clever.
The railing Of cross woman is like rail-
ing of a garden, it keeps people at dis
lance.
IF you would find great many faults, be
on the lookout If you would find them in
still greater abundance, be on the look-in.
II will preach from dat portion Of de
scripture dis evening"" said a colored domi-
Lie, whar de 'postle Paul pints his pis'le
at de 'phesians."
Why cannot deaf man be legally con-
demned for murder? Because the law says
man cannot be condemned without hear
ing. ISL .ar -.:4
"They tell me wine gives strength" said
a Fox one day: "and yet I, who have just
drunk three bottles, cannot keep myself on
my legs"
Wisconsin cheese factories make brand
of cheese called Truth" We should think
it would have good run. and it doutless
will, as "truth is mitey' and will prevail"
A little boy returning from Sunday school
said to his mother, ''This catechism is too
hard. Isn't there any kitten-chism for little
boys?"
A vivid idea of the weakness Of chicken
soup was conveyed in wag's query to his
wife at dinner, Cant you coax that chick
en- to wade through the soup once more =
Small debts are like small shot; they are
rafting on every side, and can scarcely be
escaped without wound, while great debts
are like cannon-of loud noise. but little
danger.
A Tilted swain spitefully says: "Eve did
not know as much as her daughters of the
presen. day. Had they been in her place,
instead of being deceived they would have
deceived the devil
''Who," asks correspond about starting
West, ARE the leading public men of Wy
oming We believe the territory has no
public men- Everything there is controlled
by the women.
It was said of very handsome woman,
whose feet were immense shes very
pretty, but she upsets completely the ordi-
nary system of measurement, by proving
that two feet make yard
A gallant was lately sitting beside his be-
loved, and being unabeto think of ar ythina
to say, asked her why she was a tailor. II
don't know" said she, with G pouting lip,
s'unless it's because am sitting beside a
goose"
An old merchant once instructed his clerk
as follows: ''When man comes into the
store and talks Of his honesty watch him ;
if he talks of his wealth, don't try to sell
him if he talks of his religion, don't trust
him dollar
Professor Agassis says that men can train
themselves so as to acquire the tact of breath
ing under water.
We know Of men who manage very sue
eessfully the feat of always breathing under
whiskey.
do you believe in second love, Mr. Nc
Quade, :" EDO I believe in second loye?-
Humph If man buys pound of sugar,
isn't it swate? and when it's gone, don't he |
want another pound, and isn't that swate too?
Troti,, Murphy, I do believe in second
love-
Josh Billings says: "Menny people spend
their time in trying to find the hole whar sin
got into the world. If two men break
through the ice into mill pond, they had
better hunt for some good hole to get out,
rather than git into long argument about
the hole they fell in"
Smith and Brown running opposite ways
round a corner, struck each other "Oh,
dearv' says Smith, chow you make my
head ring" That's sign its hollow" said
Prown. 'Did't yours siag?" said Smith,
No" said Brown That's a sign its
cracked" replied his friend. !