The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1870-12-10
a Good Little Boy who DID Not prosper.
BY MARK TWAIN.

"a dcOD llitGuSs lie always
Dbeyed his parents, no mater how absurd
and unreasonable their demands were
and he always learned his book, and new
er WAS late at Sabbath School He
would not play hockey, even when his
sober Judgment told him 1t was the most
! profitable thing he could do. Nome of
! the other boys could ever make that boy
out, he acted SO strangely. lie wouldn t
! he no matter how Convenient it was He
just said it was wrong to lie, and that
was sufficient for him. And he was So
| honest that he was simply ridiculous
/ The curious ways that Jacob had sur
! passed everything. He wouldn't play
i narbles on Sunday, he wouldn't rob
birds nests, he wouldn't give hot pennies
to organ grinders monkeys; he didn't
/ Sc, III to take any interest in any kiGd OF
rational amusement. So the other boys
tired to reason it out, and come to
an understanding of hiu, but they corld
not arrive al any satisfactory conclusion
] as | said before, they could figure oHt
va2ue idea that he was afflicted" and
50 they tool, hiin under their protection,
and never allowed any harm to come to
Ii IN.
This good lille boy read all the Sun
da5 School books; they we're his great
est deilaht. This WAS tie whole secret
of il. + believed in the eocd little
boys they put il the Sunday School
bucks he had every eoniIcnce in them,
lie louSc. to come across one OF them
/ alive, oice, but he never did. They all
died beiorc his iiuIc, may &c. Whenever
he read about particularly Seod one, he
turned over quickly to tie eud to see
what became of hiln, because he wanted
to travel thousands oi miles and gaze un
him; but 1t WASH t any use; that I'D
little by always died in the last chapter,
and there WAS picture OF the funeral,
with all III, relations aud the Sunday
School children standn. around the
grave, in pIuial0oIs that aese too short
and bounets that were too large, and
everybody crying into handk crchicfs that
had as much as u yard auI ii halt Of stuff
IN them lie never could see one OF
those :-eoi l.5tle boys, Oh account Of his
always Gying in the last chapter.
jacob had 4 noble ambition to be put
in a Sunday School book Ii wanted to
be put in with pictures representing hini
9iosiously declining 10 lie to his mother,
aud he wept ior joy about It; aud pie
tdrc- Representing; him stan ding on door
step wing a Ienpy ID L poor bc-ga'
woman with six children, and telling her
To cad it igeely, but not to be extrava-
CANT. because extravaganza IS a sin, and
pictures Of hIul uiagu..ilinnously refusing
to tel the bad boy who always lays IN
wa.t for him around the corner. as he
came from school, and wcltel him over
the he'd ,yith a i.,ih, and chased him
h,tl7 say in4 eli! HI IS lie proceed
EI4t was tie ambition Of young Jacob
Dcy;rs lie wished to he PIT in a Sun
day School book It made him j little
uncoIuiartable sometimes when he reflect
/ cd that the good little boss always died
lie loved to live, you know, and that was
the uost 10 pie .s,,nt feature about being
Sunday School book boy He knew it
vas not healthy TO be good He knew it
was moIo fatal than consumption to be
50 superuaturally good as the boys in the
books were he knew that none Of them
were able 10 stand It long, and it panied
him 10 think that If they put him in a
b, ok he would never Sue it, or even II
they did ct the book out before he died,
it wouldn't b., popular without any pic
ture OF his funeral IN the back part OF
it 1t couldn't be much Of Sunday
advice he gave to the community when
he was dying So, at last, OF course, he
had to make up his mind To do the best
he could under the circumstances-to live
right aud hang on as long as he could,
aud have his dying speech ready when
the time came.
But somehow nothing ever vent right
with his good little boy nothing turned
ont with him the way it turned out with
the good little boys in the books. They
always had Il good time, and the bad
bays bad flle broken legs; but in his
ease there was "a screw loose somewhere,
and it all happened just the other way
When ne found jim Blake stealing ap
pies, aud went under the tree to read to
him about the bad little boy who fell ont
of neighber s apple tree. and br. ke his
arm, Jim fell out Of the tree, too, but fell
on him and broke his arm, and Jim was
not hurt at a. Jacob couldn't unaer>
stand that There wasn't anything in
the books like that.
And once, when some ad boys
pushed blind man over into the mud,
aud Jacob ran to help him up and re-
ceiv; his blessing, the bliud man did not
give him any blessing at all. but whack-
ed Ii M over the head with his stick, aud
said he would like to catch him pushing
him again and pretending to help him
up This was not ID accordance with any
Of the books. Jacob looked them. all
over TO see.
One thing that Jacob wanted To- do
Was to find lame dog that hadn't any
place to stay, and was hungry and per-.
secuted, aud feed and pet him. and
have that dogs in,perishah.e gratitude.
And at last he found one. and was harp
ny, and he brought him home and fed
him but when he was going to pet him,
the dog flew at him and tore all the
clothes of him, except those that were in
( front, and made spectacle that was as
atonishing. He examined the. anth hor
isies,' but.he could not understand the
matter. 1t was of the ssme breed of
dogs that was in the books, but it acted
very differently. Whatever this boy did
he got into trouble. The very things tho