The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1870-01-04
Josh Billings on Hornets.

oil, and ms natral blss ~, "get out up mi
way
Tha have a long, black boldly, divided
in the middle by a waist spot, but their
phisikal Importance lays at the terminus
of their suburb, in the shape of a sharp
javelin.
The javcln is alwuz loaded, and stands
ready to unload at a minits warning. and
enters a man az still az thought, az spry
az litening, an az full of mischief az the
toothake.
Hornets never argy a case they settle
awl NV their difference NV opinyun by let
lin their javeln fly, and are az certain to
hit az mule iz.
This testy krittcr lives in congregations
numbering about one hundred souls, but
whether they are mail or femail, or con-
servative, or matched in bonds NV we'd
lock, or whether they are Mormons, and a
good many NV 'em king together, and
keep a husband to save expense, i don't
kno nor don't kare,
never have examined their habits
muchly, for never considered it would
be healthy
Hornets bid their nests wherever they
take a noshun to, and seldom are disturb
ed, for what would it profit man to kill
ninety-nine hornets, and have the one hun
dredih one hit him with his stingin' lave.
lin.
Tha bid their nest NV paper, without
emmy winders to EN- or back doors. 1ha
have but one place of admishun, and the
nest is the shape NV an overgrown pine
apple, and iz cut up into just as menny
bedrooms as there IL hornets.
1t is very simple to take hornets nests
if yu kan, but will wager any man three
hundred dollars be kant bid one that he
could sell to hornet for half price.
Hornets are az bizzy az their second
cuzzins, the bee, but what tha are about
the Lord only knoes they don't lay up
emmy honey nor emmy money they seem
to be bizzy only jist fur the sake ov work
ing awl the time tha are always in Il
hurry as tho they wuz going for dokter.
suppose this uneasy wourd would
grind around on its axe-tree, onst in -
hours, even el there want emmy hornets,
but hornets must be good for sumthing
but | kant think now what it IT,
Thare haint been a bug made yet in
vain, nor one that want good job. Thare
IL every lots Of human men loafing about
blacksmith shops and cider mills, all over
the country that don't seem to be nec-
essary fer anything but to beg plug tobac-
co, and sware, and steal watcrmelons, but
yu let the kolery break out once, and then
yu will see the wisdom of having juist
sich men laying around; they help count.
Next tew the coakroach, who stands
tew the head, the hornet has got the most
waste stummuk, in reference tew the rest
Nv his body, than emmy Of the inseck pop
u.ashun, and here is another mystery ;
what OIL airth duz hornet want so much
reserved corps for?
have jist thong carry his jaw
elm in, thus, yu see, the more We discover
about things the more We are apt to
know.
1t is always good purchase tew pay
out our last surviving dollar 70. wisdum,
and wisdum is like the MYSTERIOUS hens
egg, it amt laid in yure hand, but IL laid
away under the barn, and yu have got to
search for it.
The hornet is an unsoshal kiss he IL
more naughty than he IL proud he IL a
thorough bred bug, but his breeding and
refinement has made him like sum other
folks | kno ov, dissatisfied with himself
and every boldly else, too much good
breeding ackts this way sometimes.
Hornets are long lived-I kant state
jist how long their lives are, but know
from instickt and observashun, that emmy
kritter, be he bug or be he devil, who IL
mad all the time, and stings every good
chance he kan git, generally outlives his
nabers.
The only good way tew git at the ex-
act fiteing weight Of the hornet is to tutch
him, let him hit you once with his javolin,
and you will be willing to testify in court
that sumbody run a pitchfork into yer ;
and az for grit, | will state for the infor-
mashun ov those who havn't had a chance
tew lay in their vermin wisdom az ] hay,
that one single hornet, who feels well Twill
brake up large camp meeting.
: What the hornets do for amusements is
another question | kant answer, but sum
ov the best read and heaviest Thinkers
amung the naturalist say tina hav target
excursions, and heave their iavelins at a
mark, but | don't imbibe this asshershun
raw, for | never knoed emmy boldly, SC
bitter AT heart. as the hornets are. to waste
blow
Thare IL wun thing that hornet dui
that will give him credit for on mi book,
he always attends to his own Dizziness
won't allow anybody tew attend tew it
and what he duz is always good job. VI
never Sc them altering anything, if they
make any mistakes il is after dark, ant
f amt seen.
If the hornets made half as many blum
ders as the men do, even with their jave
lns, everybody wonld latf at them.
Hornets are clear in another way, Tia,
hay found out, by trieing, that all tina kal
git in this world and brag on, IL their vii
, Ties and clothes, and you never see one
standing at the corner ov a street, with
twenty Inch face on, bekase sum bank
er had run oph,and took their money wit
him.
In ending oph this essa, will cum te'
stop, by concluding, that if hornets wa
little more pensive, and not so darne
peremptory with their jayelius, they NIGH
be guilty of less wisdum, hut more char
: ty.
,, But yu can't after bug nature, withou
3 splicing for ennything else, emmy nor
than YOU kan an elephants egg,
, My boy" said clergymen, "don
: you know that it is wicked to catch fis