Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1870-05-27
The Josh Billings Papers.
SLIPS OF THE PEN.

The wlzest thing about man is his con-
science-edukashun don't improve it.
Ifyu want tu find out the ruling pashun
ov boss, feed him high on oats-it il iiss
so with mankind.
Az q gineral rule, the best way is to de-
eide yureself what bizness in life il IL bes,
for yure yung one to foller. and then stick
him at it while he iz limber-men alwus
pole vines before they begin to run much.
The only way for me to git out ov tight
spot il tew git into it fust. Sum folk- kan
tell tell exactly how thing feels by not
| tutching it, but kant.
The more babies in family the eazer
and better they are raized-one chicken al
wus makes old hen more clucking and
scratching that duzen duz.
1t takes an uncommon smart man, now
daze, tew make money by telling The truth
it IL aktually an evidence ov genius.
1t il a very small spot in the lightning
bugs tale that shines; it IL the darkness oy
| the mite that makes it so brilliant-it IL list
80 W ,h virtew.
Missing revenge IL like nussing yung
ed;hog-the older he grows, the sharper
hiz quilts.
HC SOOu huu Il IlhC Oil Olu-ldStllUUtu
NJ England clock-hiz soul IL the pendu-
lum wi ,se regular moshuns Civ life and
gree tew his hands and face, thus show
ing the good works hat are inside ov him.
Most ov the epitaffs on the tombstuns
read like guide boards tew the grate city,
and without them great menny would
take the wrong road.
Most people travel to see and be seen: but
| few to compare.
Fools are telling Us (conhdenshall) "that
time is short;" but the ditfkulty lies not in
| he sho ness ov time SO II utch az it duz in
the length of the fools.
Children are kut down like yung wheat,
to ripen old people are gathered like the
golden grain, to be ground and bolted.
The only way tew truli enjoy ennythng
IL to be willing tew cult it when the bell
rings.
lime il like fair wind-if we don't set
our sails, we looze that breeze forever.
We IRE often ridikuled for telling old
truths, The 10 commandments are old
enuff to be worne out with truth, but who
.olers them?
Take man, from Adam down to April
fc ol 1868. and would respekfull ask if he
amt ded beat. IL there single pashun
ov his natur, up to date, that yu kan take
the butter ov civil law off from and turn ii
out to grass?
Waking up in the morning, to virtuous
man, is the same thing as being born again.
Necessity il the mo- her of invenshun,
and Patient Wright is the father.
1t dun me good to hear a poor brute
whinnerr in Broadway yesteday. l was
glad thare was one stage boss in New Y ork
City whose heart wasn't dead broke.
Death IL the only thing in this life that IL
Ger an and even that amt always a safe
| Investment.
Humor IL vagrant without home, and
lives upon what it can pick up.
The greatest victory for mankind that hav
! ever been won hav been won by the rod and
the kaechism.
TIE lion and the lamb may possibly sum-
time lay down in this world together for
/ few minnits, but when the lion kums to git
up, the lamb will be miss ng.
Chastity is ike glasswA, too much frost
in it makes it more brittle.
Vir ,w, backed up by courage, IL the per-
| fekshun ov human natur. l don't reckon
mercy nor pity ALWAYS amung the virtews;
they are often amable weaknesses. Justiss
IL the square root ov awl the virtews. |
wouldn't have any mercy nor pity hove out
for rubbish neither would | have man
think, becauze he mel's at the anguish of
vicious, that it IL virtew that ais him.
Bachelors are always braggin ov their
freedom ?--freedom to darn their own
stockings, and poultiss their own shins! l
had rather be widower once in years,
reslar, than to be grunting. old, hair
dyed bachelor only 80 days.
The lazyest man that can think ov now,
waz Israel Dunbar. Of Bllingsvile. H.
dried up new mich COW in milking her 3
times, and planted an aker of beans. last
spring, awl in one hill. H IL As wears Old
and hahn, had the measles yet he haz al
wus bin too lazy to ketch them. This boy
died when he was Is years old, in krossing
korn-Geld; the rumpkin-vines took after
| him and smothered him to death.