Weekly Trinity journal., 1870-03-19
Our Baby-A Bachelors Experience with 1t.

our BAby-A Bache1Or's Experience with 1t.
1t was pretty little baby--that is, for baby
| had no fault TO find with it, as far as its ind-
| vidual identity was concerned If babies must
exist-and suppose there is necessity for the
thing, or else where would all the grown people
come from 2-ths baby was as well in its way as
any olheS b"by.
am in no way prejudieed. AS far mortal men
can be, am an entirely impartial witness.
| 1t was fast asleep in its cradle-a little white
headed doll, with long, dark eye-lashes, and II
{ crimson dot of II mouth, against which lay its
tiny fist, with five well defined dimples in the
five joints thereof. 1t was fast asleep, say
when Bertha came airiy into the room.
" am going over to the depot TO see mother
| off, Joseph I'll be back in half an hour. Just
keep an eye to the baby while m gone viii
youP'
looked blankly at my sister. But while |
was considering how best to express my total
dissent from her audacious proposition, she trip
ped out of the room, her ribbons tutterng in
the soft spring air.
Silence doesn't always give consent, but Ber-
| tba had taken il for granted in this matter, and
was left an unwilling guardian OF my little
nephew.
| However, il was fast asleep, that was one cir
| cumstance in my favor. Mortal baby couldn t
present more innocent and cherubic aspect
than he did So | camy went with my
writing, soon becoming obivious to his inantiie
presence.
"Talk about tending babies" quoth | to my
self, dipping my goose quill trumphantly into
the ink, why, it's the easiest business in life.
| should never spend my money IN hiring nurses
if that little one was mine-but women never
do know how TO economize properly"
| AS these tancies passed through my mind the
baby walked up and sneezed.
| tha bIa an kipE nd thnn
burst forth into the well-known burden of d" Bye
b"dy bunting" but the little villain absolutely
declined TO shut his eyes again, like IA sensible
| baby. He opened them wider than two minia-
| ture moons, stared ut me with an air of malevo-
| lence that has made nae firm believer in human
| depravity ever since, and deliberately began TO
| cry. And the harder rocked the cradle and
| the louder sang, the more resoutely did that
baby cry.
"IIe's hungry, thought to myself. " Babies
must be fed, aud it's highly reprehensible in
Bertha TO stay away so long"
| So went down into the pantry and instituted
| "A search for some milk, which had vague idea
the diet generally preferred by tootbess in
fancy. But milk there was none. Lamp oil,
| Stewards syrup, vinegar, kerosene, brandy
| every thing but milk was there every known or
| conceivable fluid, in aggravatlng proiusi0n, but
not drop of milk. All this time meanwhile,
the roars OF my infuriated nephew, but slightly
| softened by distance, followed me about like II
Nemesis. | rushed franicaly upstairs armed
with lump of sugar, the first soothing thing that
| suggested itself TO me.
| " Bless it's dear little heart. there, there con-
| found your racket cant You keep still Take
It's sugar from It's own, own uncle that's gol-
den boy"
But the golden boy resolutely rejected the
sugar, screaming louder than ever, AS II its lungs
were forty-baby power, and warranted never to
| 4 nuf kad U led ma ypn he "A aiF
| it grew purple in the face. Ashes OF King Herod
and all the Lgyp.ains, what vas a man to do2
| In vain ! executed war dance around its
| cradle, in vain rang the dinnerbell, and Jingle
the China ornaments, and waved the feather
duster, and swung my gold repeater, and bawled
nursery ballads at the top OF my lungs. Talk
about perseverance. Robert Bruce's spider was
nothing 10 that atrocious little lump OF mortality.
"1bere's nothing for il but to capitulate, "
said to myself, as jammed my hat on my head
| viciousy thrust my arms into my overcoat, and
seized the baby out of its cradle. Leave it alb
solutely alone | dared not, and the nearest
grocery where milk was procurable lay full three
| blocks off Thus, in a sort of stony despair |
| issued forth from the house, carrying my perse-
cutor like bundle under oae arm.
| thought he would stop crying when be got
| into the open air, but not here oxygen ouly
seemed TO Increase the shTill power OF his viii
famous little pipes People turned 10 stare at
| me, as II were an escaped lunatc, or al ao-
ductor of infant innocence. Women looked in
dig pnantly at The baby. Blue worsted socks and
little pink legs kicking blindly from beneath my
arms. Children ran after mt, dogs harked, but
| kept doggedly on my way, walking into that
grocery, with a resolution second only to that OF
the Roman fellow who jumped into crater,
nobody knows how many hundred years ago
"A piut of milk if you please"
"Milk, sir2" Have you brought anything to
put it inf'
thought of my tobacco box, my pocket hand
kerchief the corner OF my hat, all of these
impraclcable places for the deposit of the acteal
| fluid.
~ never thought of that ~ said, righting
tie baby, who came head nppermost with "a
ve.y crimson countenance, and eyes looking de-
family into mine; eyes thai said as If they had
spoken in so many syllabes, - won't stop cry
| ing III die first t.
The storekeepeE looked on sympathetcally.
81 could sell you nice liltle pitcher, sir, il
I-b
The very idea, interrupted. "a pitcher
of milk, and please take The money out Of this
portmonnaie, for ii had three pair of hands