, 1870-07-16
TIT-BITS,

An exchange notes, as the most harrow
ing sight it ever ssw, the spectacle OF gen.
tleman in q dress suit Of black narrowing in
field, with a tail plug hat on.
=" SAmbo, did you ever SEQ the Cataain
3Iountairs?'' ''No, sah but I've secn 'en,
kill MICE"
=" All, my dear fellow" zaid an CID man
once 10 friend, !" I am quite weak and broken
down with age. used to walk entirely around
the park every day; but now can only walk
half way round and back again
"A reTengetnl individual, in tho esuberaace
Of his rage at some one who had offended him,
said: "1'll have revenge, III do something
terrible. "I'il give his httla boy tin horpH'
Sing =" shoo-ny to gee all the Sioux 1y would,
For to shoot tbems as hard Us to suit them sue,
And suicide It Is this pursun the Slou1t
-Smollett tells IN anccdote Of half-crazed
free-thinker OF his day. who, chancing in
Rome, stopped one day before bust Of Jupi-
ter, md, having bowed low, thus addressed tho
dethronea idol: Sir, il you{should eyer get
your head above water again. hope you viii
remember that treated you politely in your
adversely
"A married couple went from tho bridal
altar to ! dry goods shop in Kcokuk the other
dsy-. After sundEy purchases had been madc,
the ignorant clerk asked the lady to bny hat
for her boy. With queen-lke dignity she re-
sFonaed: NO: I have only been married
about twenty minutes. have no boys yet
Faith and works were well illustrated By !
ventu1esome little si1-year-old boy, who ran
into the forest after team snd rode home
upon the load Of wood. When asked By his
mother il he was not frightened when the
team came down very steep hill, ho said:
t' Yes. little: but asked the Lord to help
me, and hung on ike . beaver
Mrs. Barnes, Of Indiana. was driving into
1an away, and her husband had to pay her
funeral expenses He says it is !" just his
luck. Two hours moro and aho would have
been her own cashier"
All efforts to mako hay By gas light have
failed but it ID discovered that Wild oats
can be sown under its benign and clecrfu1
rays .....
Miss Wilkins Was beautiful blonde, and
she wanted to go to NeWport-so she told her
mother-to look for something particular for
her dear p.ps ..t Ana nd, what a sit ~ asksa ed
your dear papa ?" "A son-in-lsw," was the
gentle reply Of the bluahing maiden.
=" The man who raised . eabbAge head has
done more good than all the metaphysicians in
the world, said stump orator at q meeting.
hare had the premium"
"A wise physician cnce said: II observe
that every ono wishes to go to Heaven, but
observe also that most people are willing to
take great deal Of very disasreeable medicine
first"
-"Masy Magdalsn had seven dovls cast
out OF hsr. lnever heard Of q mAn having
seyen devils cast out Of him." growlod IN old
bachelor in the course Of q diecus slon on the
woman question" mo. they're not cast
ont yst, believe. WAS the quiet response Of
Why dues the ocean COMMERCE Of Amer
les remind one Of the railiugs Of a gallery?
Because. just now, it is simply ballast Trade.
-AH broad ~ it is long. A German statis-
tical writer remark that the invention of the
sewing machine has enabled one woman to
Sew as much as hundred could ssw by hand
a century; but. he confines, one woman now
demands n much clothing IS = hundred .
century 5000 that matters are not much
changed, After al.
=" Mamma, said child one Sunday even
ing, after ha.ing at still in the house al day,
II don't know, replied the mother; & why do
shaking her head sadly, 'fthe Diblo saws
Honor thy father and mother that thy dayss
may be long;' and this has been, oh, the long
est day ever saw"
fascinating young widow, having married
an elderly man, annoyed him by frequent re-
ferences to her first husband whereat the
old gentleman demonstrated. "I dare say"
replied the fond creature pouting her pretty
lips, that you Will be glad to have me temem-
Der You when you are dead and gone and am
John boston was azTaignsd in New Orleans
for stealing chickens but stoutly protested
his innocence. - And you deny having taken
the chickens, John ?" asked tho Court. Hi,
boss, sartip. I never tux en-" 4t But the
officer eaya be found them in your posses
sion" "sar :" Yon had them il, your
hands when arrested" "Ycs, boss, but I
didn't stole EN-" allow did you come by
them ?" II borrowed en- Il Tha ownsr
says not" Well, yuu see, boss, he was
asleep when went 10 borrow dem chickens.
an didn't like to 'Bturb him 80 I ius Tux
him. ' ~ wa
Whit ID the difference between Kate Cow
entry and Bgron'a Conrad7 She wAs : lady
who loved to course hares; he was q oorsa1r
The snG~ was 80 deep in Cheahire County,
New hampahire, last winter, that It was dids-
cult for Parsons meeting with teams to paas.
An eccentric citizen, well known in that coun-
ty, and having defect n his speech, VA com
ang 70 the vinage with hoeae and steiSh, xnd
bs;aS about " ass4 sssaaxse x.is , ssAaa,