The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1870-11-17

restored to their thrones, and poetical Justice
| is meted out to all the offenders.
The other old play, John Gdunt, Hens
lowe mentions as having been the work Of
three different authors, Haughton, Hatha-
way, and Day. Shakespeare has taken them
both as his models, with the same GOODNESS
with which he has appropriated The Tanning
Of tie Shreao, and put them through the
same wonderful transformation.
From Mark Twain's Memoranda we
Gull the following
MY wAToH-LN INSTRUCTIVE LITTLE TALE.
My beautiful new watch had run eighteen
months without losing or gaining and with
out breaking any part of its machinery or
stopping. 1 had come to believe it infsl-
lible in its judgments about the time of
day, and to consider its constitution and its
anatomy imperishable. But at last one
night 1 let it run down. grieved about it
as if it were o recognized messenger and
forerunner of calamity. But by-and-by 1
cheered up, set the watch by guess, and COM
manded my bodings and superstitions to de-
part. Next day 1 stepped into the chief Jew
eller's to set it by the exact time, and the
head of the establishment took it out of my
hand and proceeded to set it for me. Then
he said, ''She is four minutes slow-regula-
tor wants pushing up" / tried to stop him
the watch kept perfect time. But no.
all this human cabbage could see was that
the watch was four minutes slow, and the
regulator must be pushed up little; and so,
while danced around him in anguish, and
besesched him to let the watch alone, he
calmly and cruelty did the shameful deed.
My watch began to gain. 1t gained faster
and faster day by day. Within the week it
| sickened to q raging fever; and its pulse
went up to hundred and fifty in the shade.
At the end of two months it had left all the
! timepieces of the town far in the rear, and
was fraction over thirteen days ahead of
! the almanac. 1t was away into November
enjoying the snow, while the October leaves
were still turning 1t hurried up house-rent,
bills payable, and such things, in such a
ruinous way that l could not abide it.
took it to the matchmaker to be regulated.
He asked me if 1 had ever had it repaired.
l said no, it had never needed any repairing
| He looked o look of vicious happiness and
eagerly pried the watch open, then put q
small dice-box into his eye and peered into
its machinery. He said it wanted cleaning
and oiling, besides regulating; come in a
week. After being cleaned and oiled and
regulated, my watch slowed down to that
degree that it licked like tolling bell.
began to be left by trains, L failed all ap-
pointments, got to missing my dinner; my
watch strung out three days grace to four
and let me go to protest; l gradually drifted
back into yesterday, then day before, then
into last week, and by and by the comprehen-
sion came upon me that all solitary and alone
I was lingering along in week before last,
and the world was out of sight. / Iseemed to
detect in myself sort of sneaking fellow
feeling for the mummy in the
museum, and desire to swap news
with him. l went to matchmaker again. He
took the watch all to pieces while | waited,
and then said the barrel was ''swelled." He
said he could reduce it in three days. After
this the watch averaged we'll, but nothing
more. For half day it would go like the
very mischief, and keep up such barking,
and wheeling, and whoppng, and sneezing,
and snorting that 1 could not hear myself
think for the disturbance; and as long as
it held out, there was not watch in the
land that stood any chance against it. But
the rest of the day it would keep on slow
ing down and fooling along until all the
clocks it had left behind caught up again.
So at last, at the end of twenty-four hours,
it would trot up to the judges stand all right
and just on time. 1t would show fair and
square average, and no man could say it had
done more or less than its duty. But q cor
rect average is only mild virtue in watch
and took this instrument to another watch
maker. He said the kingbolt was broken.
said was glad it was nothing more serious.
| lO Tell Iue pain tIuIu, ndu uO luod
what the kingbolt was, but l did moi
choose to appear ignorant to stran.
ger. He repaired the kingbolt, but
what the watch gained in one way it lost in
another. 1t would run awhile and then stop
awhile, and then run awhile again, and so on,
using its own discretion about the intervals.
And every time it went off it kicked back
like musket. padded my breast for a few
days, but finally took the watch to another
matchmaker. He picked it all to pieces and
turned the ruin over and over under his
glass; and then he said there appeared to be
something the matter with the hair
trigger. He fixed it, and gave it 9
fresh start. 1t did well now, except
that always at ten minutes to ten the haads
would shut together like a pair of scissors
and from that time forth they would travel
together. The oldest man in the world
could not make head or tail of the time OF
day by such watch, and so l went again to
have the thing repaired. This person said
that the crystal had got bent and that
the handspring was not straight. He also
remarked that part of the works needed
half f-solinR. He made these things all right
and then my timepiece performed unex
ceptioRably, save that now and then, after
working along quietly for nearly eight hours
everything inside would let go all of sudden
and begin to buzz like o bee, and the hands
would straightway begin to spin round ant
round SO fast that their individuality was los
completely, and they simply seemed dslicstt
spiders web over the face of the watch. Sh,
would reel off the next twenty-four hours il
six or seven minutes, and then stop with
bang. l went with heavy heart to ont
more matchmaker, and looked on while h'