The Union and journal., 1870-04-22
Jim, the Boy that Bore q Charmed
Life.
Br MARK TWAIN.

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you will find that bal little boys are near,
y all called James In your Sunday Schoo
books. 1t was very strange but very true
this ono was called JIM.
He didn't have any sick mother. either
"a sick mother who had consumption
and was pious, and would be glad " liz
down In tho grave and be Mt rest, but fOi
the strong love she bore for her boy, ant
anxiety that tho world would be cold and
harsh to him whom she was gono. Mos,
bad boys In the Sunday books aro names
James, and have sick mothers, who teach
them to say, "Now lay me down" &c.
and then sing them to sleep with swcc
plaintiff voices, md kiss. them good night
and knecl down by the bedside and weep
But 1t was different with this fellow
Tie was namcd Jim, and there wasn't any
thing tho matter with his mother-nO con
sumption or anything of that kind. She
was rather stout than otherwise, and she
was not piolS; Moreover she WAS no
anxious on Jim's account; she said II III
were to break his neck 1t would not bt
much loss; she spanked him to sleep
and she never kissed him good night
On tho contrary she boxed his cars wher
she was ready TO leave him.
Oncethis bad little boy stole tho key o
the pantry. and slipped In there. ant
helped himsclfto some jam, and fillc'l tho
vessel up with tar, SO that his mother
could never know tho difference; but al
at once feeling didn't come over him
and something didn't seem To whisper u
him; "Is It right 10 disobcy my mother
Isn't II sinful to do this? Whore do little
boys &c to who gobblo mp. oil theil
mothers iam?" And then he didn'tgo ant
tell his mother everything about II, and
beg her forgiveness, and be blessed by hcl
tears Of pride and thankfulness in hcl
eyes. No, that Is the way with all Other
bad boys in the books, but 1t happened
otherwise with this Jim, strangely enough
He ate that jam and said 1t was bully, In
his sinful way; and he put In the tar and
said II was bully also; and laughed and
said It was bully enough, and "thc old
woman would snort when sho found Il
out And when she did find t out he do
MED knowing anything about 1t, and she
whipped him severely. and he did the cry
ing himself. Everything about this boy
was curious, everything turned out differ
emily with him from the way 1t does tc
tho bad James In the book.
Once no climcd up in Farmer Alcorn''
apple tree to- steal apples, and the hml
did not break. and he didn't fall and break
his arm, and get torn by the farmers
great dog; and then languish on sick
bed for weeks. and become good. Oh,
no, he stole rs many apples rs he wanted,
and then came down all ready for tho dog,
too, and Knocked him cndways with a
rock when tho dog came to tear him.
1t was very strange, nothing liko II
ever happened In those mild little books
with marble backs and with pictures In
them Of mon with swallOw-tailed coat
and bell crowned-hats, and -pantaioon'
that arc short in the legs, and women
with tho waist Of their dresses under their
arms, and no hoops on. Nothing like II
In any of the Sunday school books.
Once ho stole the teachers pcn.kniic,
and when hc was afraid II would bc
found out and he would bc whipped hc
slipped Il into George Wilson's cap
poor widow Wilson's son, tho moral boy,
tho good little boy of the village, tho boy
who always Obcycd his mother, and never
told an untrutl, and was fond of his les
sons and infatuated with the Sunday
School. And when the knife dropped
from his cap, and poor George hung his
head and blushcd, rs If conscious OF guilt,
and tho gricvcd teacher charged tho theft
upon him. and was just In the net of bring
ing the switch down on his trembling
shoulders, u whitc.harcd improbable jus
tice of the peace didn't suddenly appear
in their midst and strike an attitude and
say-'Sparc this noble boy-thcrc stands
tho. covering culpit! was passing tho
school-roOm door mt recess, and unseen
myself, saw the theft cOmmittcd.' And
then Jim didn't get whalcd and tho ven
fcrable justice didn't read tho fearful
school n homily, and take George by tho
hand, and say such boy deserved to bc
oxhaulte,l, and tell him to come and make
his home with him and sweep out tho
Office, and make fires, and run errands,
and chop wood, study law and help his
wifo do household labors, and have all the
rest of the time to play, and get forty
cents month and bc happy. No 1t did
not happen that way to Jim. No med
ling old clam of Justice camo In TO make
trouble, and SO the modcl boy George. got
thrashcd, and Jim was glad of II. Be-
cause you know Jim hated moral boys.
Jim said he "was down on milksops."
Such was the language OF this bad neg
lccted boy.
This Jim bore charmed lifc-that
must have been the way of IL. Nothing
could hurt him. lie even gave tho ele-
phant In tho menagcrie plug of tobacco.
and the elephant didn't knock the top of
his head off with his trunk. IIe brOwsed
around the sides of tho cupboard after
essence Of peppcrment, and.didnt make u
mistake and drink aquafortis.
He stole his fathers gun and went n
hunting. and didn't shoot three or four OF
his'ingcrs of. Ho struck his sister on the
temple with his fist when he was angry.
and she didn't lingcr in pain through the
long summer days and die with sweet
words of forgiveness on her lips, that re-
doubled the anguish of his aching heart.
.No-she got over 1t. He ran OF and
went to sea mt last; and didn't come back
and find himself sad and alone. in quiet
churchyard-and tho vine ombowercd
home Of boyhoOd tumblcd down and gone
to decay. All. no-he came home drunk
rs u piper. and got into tho station house
the first thing. And he grew up and mar
ried; raised large family, and Drained
them all with an ax one night, and got
wealthy by all manner Of cheating and
rascality. and now he Is the infernalist
scoundrel In his native village, and Is uni
versally respected. and belongs to the
Legislature. So you see there never was
bad James in the Sunday School books
that had such streak Of luck rs this sin
full Jim with the charmed life.
Albany has. the doubtful hon:r Of being the
abiding place Of q young lady, fashionable.
beautiful, blonde-and contemptibly ntan.
Thus the story goes A beautiful little girl Of
about ten years, possessed Of an abundance Of
xello,r curls which won the animation Of all