Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-07-29
ElIIgal0r.

E4IgaE0F.
The kitchen gamc--poker.
Nameless decd-An unsigned will.
Beasts of the feld-drunken reapers
Handy book markers-dirty fingers
Welcome lines to lady-masculines.
Motto for an Arab tribe-up and bedouin.
Coin from the mint of nature-penny
royal.
Rolling stock-capital invested in bowling
alleys. vz
Horses are reasonable. They are satisfied
with bit.
A small thing to keep-the right side of
some people.
What flower would furnish drawing
room best? Rose would.
The sweetest of sLrains-trying to lift \
pretty girl on horse.
Song Of the Radical Congressman-"l
lsvc to steal while away"
An Iowa girl wants to die, but she pre-
fers to be smothered with kisses.
Although living in dense city. thousands
of our ladies have their lawns.
A church fair at New Orleans advcrtises
the coolest champagne punches
A woman as black as the ace of spades
saws she was born to blush unseen
When person declares that his brain is
on fire. is it etiquette to blow it out?
A delicate parcel to be forwarded by rail
"a young lady wrapped up in herself.
The most steadfast followers of our for
tunes-Our creditors.
Why does the minister have more wives
than any one else? Because he often marries
a couple at a time.
Why is worn out shoe like ancient
Greece? Because it once had Scion (sole
on)
To cure deafness. Tell man you
come to pay him money. 1t beats acoustic
oil all hollow.
Why is lawyer like sawyer? Because
whichever way he moves, down must come
the dust
Though men boast Of holding the reins,
the women generally tell them which way
they must drive.
Of garments it may be said that man Cor
woman) wants but little now, and that not
to,n fNh.4c &bo cbork of
What is the difference between church
organist and the influenza? One stops the
nose and the other knows the stops.
A prisoner was examined in court and
contradicted himself. why do you lie SOP
asked the judge. Haven't you a lawyer?
Did you ever know young lady too weak
to stand up during psalm time in church.
who couldn't dance all night without being
tired?
A young man in Ohio recently opened a
clothing store, and was sent to Jail for it
Reason-thc clothing store belonged to an
other man
1t may be said of too many of our public
men that they are last in war, last in peace.
but first in the pockets Of their country
men.
Red Clouds wife is as straight as an ar
row. Her name is the Woman Without
Bow. or, as We say in English, The Woman
Without the Grecian Bend.
A queer temperance pledge was once cir
lated in Russia. It bound the signers to
abstain from brandy-till brandy should be
better and tolerably cheap.
A rural correspondent asks us to explain
what sinking fund is Any sum of pub
lie money which falls into the hands of the
present Administration is sinking fund.
IA penny for your thoughts" said low
er to his distracted sweetheart. "They are
not worth it," she replied II was think
ing of you"
A person who undertakes to raise himself
by scandaliziug others. might as well sit
down on wheelbarrow and try to wheel
himself.
An old soaker replied to Temperance
lecturer by the following loser: II water
rots the soes of your boots, what effect mn |
it have Gu the coats Of your stomach /?
'Adversl'y is poultess. says Josh Bill
ling, which reduces our vanity and st.el.t..
ems our vrtew- even boy never feel: half
SO good az when he has been spank. a.,t
sot away to COOL
A clergyman in Vermont has forbidden
any one to play a bass-viol in his church -
lie says, however serious bis thoughts may
be, the moment he hears bass-viol fiddle he |
goes to thinking how he used to dance.
A veteran observer once declared, that no |
one knew what envy and jealousy were UNI
til he had served in the army The observ-
er probably had never belonged to church
choir
The fellow who was told that the best
cnre for the palpitation Of the heart was to
stop hugging and kissing the girls, said
If that is the only remedy which can be
proposed, say, let 'er palpitatc.'
A horticulturist advertised that he would |
supply all kinds of seeds and plants. Some
wag cent an order for one package of Gus
tard pie seed and a dozen of mince Die
plants, which he filled by sending twelve /
hens eggs and a small dog.
An Irish boy trying hard to get place
denied that he was Irish.
II don't know what you mean by not be-
;pr an Trichu.n - said tho oaptlam,r ~.