The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1870-12-30
vARIETIEs.

lie mau ''OScr-oOFeu WaS ~ Suteot'
Trust boy, to make them Trustworthy.
Russia aud Austria are to sit down TO
carve Turkey.
Tight Drawers-A couple Of artists on
!aepree.
A rare mind-Mind your own busi-
ness.
A tooth becomes . Yelatiou-When IT'S
akin.
Metallic currency-Carrying about q
brass face.
A chasm too many writer's fall into
Slrcasm.
Childrca are naturally saw. makaers-
they cut teeth.
How to build house for nothing-use
frecstore.
Can thin person be properly called a
swell.
Love is an internal transport. So is q
canal boat.
A rope of sand is supposed to be insui-
6cient to keep the ocean tide.
Punchinello insists that muffied drums
are dead beats.
London averages 1900 births and l.
200 deaths a week.
General G rant realms his love for horses
Gift horses.
Sportingjeselry-ah hunting watch, and
rarin9 stud.
Curls may be false. even though they
are sin the papers,"
Sunday reading for political contract
ors-The book of job
Zs- How to take ink out of linen-Jerk an
editor out of his shirt
We'd sooner be possessed of diver.
pearls than pearl divers.
Dry diet for the Russian Autocrat-
Turkey without Greece.
Do Mermsids wear chignons, or are
they ton scaly To be gentest.
Why is the letter Y like prodisal son
Because it makes pa pay
We speak OF the water" of the din
mond, but ut the emerald "ae"
Why is the world like u piano? Be-
cause 1t is full "f sharps aud fats.
An iufidel. who expects TO die like II
beast Is very apt to 1--we like une.
Why do girls like l,oklng at the moon
Because there's uian in &c.
Why are elections like tents? Because
the canvass euds at the polls.
A mans credit must be bad inded
when he can't even barrow trouble.
One measure in which all civilized na-
tious agree !: The church yard.
Why don't farmers like bad summer?
Because 1t goes against the grain.
Dangerous associates-those who are
dressed To kill"
a spoiled child-,he one who played
with the kerosene can.
Not synouomous-a justice Of the
peace and peace of justice.
A hard case-The house the poor snail
is compelled to live 10.
1t is not always be who has the most
nose that knows the most.
Grant would regain his lost popularity
if he would only make himself emf
grant.
Doctors talk about paying their visits,
when at .he some time It their visits that
pays them.
Paradox as it may seem, people who
are inclined to be fat are generally least
inclined tobe so.
A wag said of an ego,istical writer,
"Sonebody should take pity on his read
ers, aud put out his I's."
Psuch says tina. in some parts Of Eng
land the wafer is SO hard that skating on
it is kept up all through the summer.
Grand Trunk Railroads-AIl the rail-
roads in the country during the Saratoga
season.
A lady in Syracuse is said to rest her
head on.a grammer while sleeping, in or
der that she may dream correctly.
There is much music in the Law of the
mockiDg bird. but unsenfimental people
prefer 'he lay Of The domestic fowls.
To prepare h0t-bed-into one warm
ing-pan put two live Goals mix judicious.
ly and waggle.
Utica feels somewhat embarrassed be.
cause il has seventeen base ball clubs and
the cholera morbus.
It is curious how little we feel the bur.
dens We place upon the shoulder of 9TH
ers.
It costs Secretary Fish $40, 900 a year
tokeep house. A terribly ex pensive sar-
dine box, that house must be. &.
The New York Commercial suggests
as ''a happy expedient for the prison re-
form congress-to put congress in pris-
on" .-----
Danville. Pennsylvania gets up rough.
and-tumble fight. and calls it '.co-opera.
tive ruling mill = -t
INTERVAL REVENUE LAw-For the
benefit Of merchants aud dealers, the fol.
lowing synopsis Of the Internal Revenue
law, which was approved by Congress,
July 14th. 1871, is published: ee1 ~
fsAjEspeeia! taxes, exception dealing 10
liquors or 1tvbaeco,r are repealed after MAY
lst, 1870. After October LIST, 1870,
taxes on sales, except when paid by
stamps. and on sales Of liquors and tobac-
CO, are repealed, also. the taxes on arti
cles 10 schedule a, and the special tax on
boats, barges aud fats. on legseiee and
snccessons. on passports, and on gross re