The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1870-02-05
My Wife's Bridal Tour, !,
BY NOSE SKINNER.

''A inou'hS VI year, anu Try 10 go
with her, but she said she rather 20 alone
when woman was travelling u man
was an out-and.out hunbug.
So gave her seventy five cents, aud
told her to go off and have good time.
l never begrudge money where my wifc's
happinc is concerned. My first wife
never could complain of not going any
where's, for Pm dreadful fierce to go off
ON good time myself, and always was
l don't pretend to say how many times L
took her out to see the engine squirt, and
there was no end to tho free lectures /
let her go to. The neighbors used to
say: ut docs beat all how the SINNERS
gow
When Signor Blitz was in Slunkville,
with his wonderful canaries, he gave my
W .te Q complimentary ticket. not only
sold that ticket for my wife, but gave
her half the money. l don't boast of it.
though only mcntion it to show how
much l thought of my wife's happiness.
don't think any man ought to get
married till he can consider his wife's
happiness only second to his own. John
Wise, neighbor of mine, did thusly,
aud when got married concluded I'd
do like Wise.
But the plan didn't work in the case
of my second wife. No, should think
not. i Sronched the subject kindly.
"Matilda," said, II suppose you arc
aware that am now your lord aud mas
ter" H
"Not much you amt, said she.
Mrs. Skinner" replied, ''you are
tcarfully dcmoralzcd. You need reor..
ganizing at once. You arc cranky" And
| brnndished nv sirtr.two. cent unhrelia
wildly around Tier.
She tonk the umbrella away from me,
and lacked me up in the clnthesprcss.
l am quick to draw an Inference, and
the inference L drew here was. that |
was not success as rcorganizcr of
female women
After this, changed my tactics.
let her have her own way, and The plau
worked to charm from the very first.
It's the best way of managing wife that
/ know of. Of course this is between
you and me.
So when my wife was bound to 60 off
on bridal tour anyhow, cordially as
sented. $50, Matilda" said l "and
stay as long as you want to; then if you
feel as though you would like to stay
little while longer, stay, dear, stay"
She told me to stop talking, aud go up
stairs and get her red flannel night.cap,
and that bag of penuy- royal for her aunt
Abigail.
My wife is very smart woman. She
was b .xtcr, and the Baxtcrs arc very
smart family indeed. Her mother, who
is going on eighty, can fry more slap
jacks now, than half these primped UP
city girls, who rattle on the piano, or
else walk the street with their furbclows
and fixings, pretending to get mad if a
young chap looks at 'cm pretty hard,
but getting mad in earnest if you don't
take any notice of them at all.
Ah 4! girls ain't what they used to be
when was young, and the fellows are
worse still. When went courting, for
instance, l never thought of slayiug till
after ten o'clock, and only went twice
week. Now they 20 seven nights in a
week, and cry because there amt eight.
They write touching notes to each other
during the day. "Dcar George, do you
love me as much now as you did at o
quarter past twelve last night? Say
you do, dearest, and it will give ME
courage to 60 aown stairs anu tackle
them cold beans left over from yesterday"
Well, we'll, 1 suppose they enjoy them
selves, and it ain't for us old folks, whose
hearts have got little callouscd by
long wear, to interfere. Lot them get
together and court if they like it, and 1
think they do. l was forty-scven when
l courted my present wife, but it seemed
just as nice to sit on a little cricket at
her feet and let her smooth my hair, as
it did thirty years ago.
AS | said before, my wife is a very
smart womap, but she couldn't be any
thing else, and "a Baxter. She used to
give lectures on Woman's Rights, and in
one place where she leotured, big col.
lege conferred the title of l.. IT, d. upon
her Rnt aha naniiltln,t taLn IL ,,M.