Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-04-08
HumOr.

HumOr.
He who marries for wealth sells bis. lib
crty.
Give neither counsel nor salt till you are
asked for it.
Nothing is more formidable to the busy
than the visits of the idle.
Taking his time--Steaing mans watch.
Every watch should be on its guard.
No dust affects the eye like gold dust,
and no glass like brandy glasses.
Life-A farce to the rich, a comedy to
likewise, tragedy to the poor.
An flesh is grass This accounts for so
many people being green.
Said conceited young lady, you young
men are a covet-us set. ~ '-t-
New fashioned bonnets show no increase
in size, but considerable in price. ri -5 Jge
Hypocrisy is part of the homage paid by
vice to virtue
If love iszbEndi,. how Lean there be love
at first sight ? azTEHd8J&3
Whengffa meet, Satan goes to din
"ei' q t4gr9H -f7.3 2L5ilE 7siej.I:f ~ so
A newly-married man compared his wife
to perfect rose, hut thinks that she elbows
out" little too often fe1ta sj ' 7'i,'"'i.;o'
A drunken man.. who had slipped down,
thought it singular that water always freez-
es with the slippery side up. All sgseR
Why is the ruider Of steamboat like a
public hangman? Because it has stern
duty to perform. 60 --,s.-, ~. 81
The woman who undertook to scour the
woods hassabandoned the job, oniaccount Of
the high price Of soap 1aH ozA 4e9gs
Never scare off a fly with club when a
feather will do as well, AMI remember that
you can take more flies with gill aof molas-
ses than with gallon of vinegar e..
An old lady in Germantown is.so full of
sympathy that every time her ducks take a
bath in the gutter she dries their feet by the
fire to keep them from catching cold. ''i'@
The following toast was given at recent
banquet: The rights of woluau-if she can
not be Captain of ship, may she always
command a, smack" yrT-U[Nf
A pretty girllsaia to-Leigh Hunt AT am
very sad you see.H IL 2sotu -aea ass = q
He replied "a IT gxFy e 81 egNHY
':Oh, no; you belong to theAother Jewish
sect: YOU are very fair ! see. y 1rtyn twy
III L -
In reply to "a young writer who wished to
know which magazine will give; him the
highest position quickest ,cotemporary
advises ga powder magazine, If you contri-
butte fiery article" 44O) + ri {i1Tk4l
Said d learned astronomer, when talking
to brighteyed girl about rainbows q {. Did,
you ever see a lunar bow, miss . I have
seen beaux by moonlight, if that is what
you mean, was the sly rejoinder.
A 7colored Preacher commenting on the
passage, BE ye~ therefore wise as serpents
and Harmless as doves said that tho mixture
should be made in the proportion of a pound
Of dove to an ounce Of serpent. :. ,s.4,!s
A clergyman remarked over the grave of
3 trickey politician. who was never known to
do anything without some sinister purpose,
that it would be a great consolation to his
friends if they could ascertain his motive in
thus suddenly leaving them"
A woman in Missouri hung herself be-
cause her husband went to California. Next
week dozen more started, but their wives
wouldn't hang worth a cent, and the poor
disconsolate devils have all returned broken
hearted .aAt q tNtEs t34.2akNtt1
government officials are constantly preach
ing retrenchnient and economy, but the on
ly signs OF reckless economy we can perceive
is in the ,nucilage on the back of postage
stamps. There is not enough for it to nav
for licking 7-se' . -. ,i-sti1' ~
An old bachelor geologist was Boosting
that every rock was familiar to him as the
alphabet A lady present declared. int
she knew rock of which he was wholly
Ignorant. You don't say-iust name it,
madam It is the rock of the cradle, she !,
replied. .ifs 4-.,r-vtf.-
A friend offered to X some milk to drink.
X replied that milk had been distasteful to
him from his earliest recollection Being
pressed to partake, he lifted his ewes and
gazed upon the profered cup. Beer in alb
its glory met his vision so said he
smllingly, Il thought ii was the udder
kind ~ S1h
Dan" sal little four year-oeld, give
me sixpence to buy monkey '7
"We've got one monkey in the house,
now" replied Ibis brother. .--zz.s st,
"Who isit, Dan ?" asked the little fellow
"4ou," was the reply. = . 'z'tt5'lt'.' 4
''Then give ME a sixpence to buv the
monkey some nuts. z ~ .ss'5
The brotberscould not resist.
al 9Iltss ss---------Ss5.l4 ssa---4aa
A negro Judge in- Alabama, when his
first case yeame on, and everything was
ready, was told BY q lawyer that he had
neglected to charge the jury Herese up,
put up his spcctacles, and said. "Gemmen
OBJ de jury. I charge you half a dollar
piece, and you must pay it before the case
goes On. He will be in the Udited States
Senate yet. yr
Ii is rumored in Harrisburg that Cover
nor Major General John W. Gearv was r. |
Gently invited to address the children Of a
Public School, and in abiding to Washing
toms Birthday, put the following question
CHOW. bows, WHY should We nolahnoto 4