The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1870-06-03
The Man Who Knew Everything.

A mighty Knowing man was Caleb
Page, who kept the grocery at the fork Of
the road. near Woodchuck Creek. Scrag
Hollow, in the village of Horneville. No
occurrence had ever taken place cf all the
particulars of which Caleb did not possess
n thorough knowledge. in the minutest
detail. All matters In the perspective
were anticipated, discussed. arranged. and
disposed of by Caleb long. before they
took place. If a neighbor rushed into the
store TO communicate what he believed TO
be o very recent piece Of news, he would
have the conceit taken out of him by be-
ing told by Caleb that he had "heard Of
II week ago." Events of the past. pres
cnt and future were all tho same to him |;
his ubiquitous knowledge grasped and
conceived them ALTO him they .wcro all
stale nc,cs.
| A small bet was made ono evening, bc-
tween 81 Stevens and Joe Stubbins. 81
bet that Joe couldn't nonplus Caleb with
any bit Of intelligence, real or imaginary.
JOe took all such bets rs that" The fol.
lowing evening 81 and Joe. accompanied
by two or three more Of the 'bhoys' OF
tho village, who were to help the thing
along and "flll in" proceeded TO Caleb's
store, After being comfortably seated
here and there on barrels, boxes, &C., 81
opened the evenings amusement by ask
ing. in q manner that indicated that he
was continuing conversation commenced
before they entered the store,
so you say, Joe, that they caught him
last night?'
Yes, about seventeen minutes past
eight
'Well, Joe, how Far up the creek was
it,?
On q careful consideration, should
say Il was about three miles, or three and
q quarter, or perhaps half up the said
creek
Caleb, who had not lost word of the
conversation. dropped his sugar scoop
with astonishment, and opened his ears,
for the boys were talking about q matter
in which he was not posted up The
conversation continued:
WELL says 81, that couldn't ha' been
far from Deacon Hunt'sp
Jest so,' answered Joe, 1t was about
eighteen rods from Deacon Hunts hog
pen, In slanchwise direction
Did you hear, Joe,' asked 81, with n
face rs solemn rs q gravestone, how much
ile they gotp'
yes did, replied Joe, with face rs
solemn as two gravestones, heard tell
they rot nigh upon sixty barls.'
The wags noticed that Caleb was ex-
ceedingly uneasy, and piled It on
How large was II. Joef asked 81.
well, Silas, the insect was about eigh-
ty.two long, and twenty-eight feet. odd
inches broad and thick In proportion
L thought, Joe, that there was two on
'em.'
That's fact, there was pair Of 'em,
but they only caught the he one.'
At this point of the dialogue, Caleb be-
came so desperately excited that he could
contain himself no longer, and snappish-
ly demanded to know 'whatn thunder
they were talking about p
Why said Joe with well feigned rs
tonishment, don't you know about their
catching that are big
That are big whatH peevishly snarlcd
Caleb ..-.....
why that are wAalc,' seriously answer
ed Joe.
"A whaler exclaimed the bewildered
Caleb, have they caught whale up the
creek?'
They haven't caught anything else,'
said the imperturbable Joe.
And how much lie did they get p In
quircd Caleb, rs he slowly recovered his
wits.
About nincty-two bar'ls.' replied Joe,
forgetting the amount previously men,
toned.
WELL said Caleb. with slow delibera-
tions, and n satisfied look, II an glad atilt
Mey hare otught Aat tohaic, for I heard
last night that E.cy wcrc arter him.
Joe Stebbins amid the vocifcrous cheers
and laughter of tho crowd, owned there
was one man In the world that knew cv-
erything.'
He paid the bet.