The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1870-03-19

MODERN BREyITY That Was IL bitter Joke OF
the man in New Jersey who puI IA quantity of
jilnp iu some beer his friend was anout to drink
The funeral Was very generally attended, ET
chdJlge
We don't know vino originated the above
manner oi stating a fatal occurrence, but it seems
10 be quite GENERAL. followed by newspaper para
graphers. II is delicate way OF putting it, and
reads much better than when one saws 'he died
amid the most hOrriJle and eXcruciating agoniss +"
We get the whole story and our sensibiIiies are
not unnecessarily shocked
The new stj lie of paragraphing affords fine
field Iur the exercise 0i ingenuity in conveying
the intelligence that the died. Variety
viyacity might be- mingled with the triefest no
tice OF casualties that might otherwise be utterly
neglected by the reader or briefly glanced at
As, tor instance, in the following
"A man in New Hampshire the other day ate
fifteen dozen raw oysters on wager. The sill
yer trimmings alone on his coffin cost twelve
dollars and thirty-fve cents.
John Smith, in Nebraska said he could handle
IA ratiesnake lhe same as Il snake-charmer. The
churlishness OF the undertaken in demanding pay
in advance DELAYED the funeral four days.
\ circns rider in Texas tried to turn three
sumrnersaults on horseback the other day. The
manager sent back TO New Orleans the next day
for another snmmersault Inau.
man in New Jersey couldn't wait for the
cars to get to the depot and jumped off. His
widow has sued the insurance company
Few men would attempt TO dry dampened gun
powder in kitchen stove. man in Canada
did. His afflicted family would be glad of any
information as to his Whereabouts.
In Massachusetts the other day man thought
he would cross the track in advance of locomo-
tive. The services at the grave were very i'm
pressive
man warned his wife in New Orleans not 10
light the fire with kerosene. She didn't heed
the warning. Her clothes fit his second wife re-
mark&bly well.
BOY In Detroit disregafded his mothers in
junction not to skate on the river, as the ice was
thin His mother don't have 10 cook for so
many as she did by one.
JOSH BILLINGS IN THE EDIroR's CHAIR.-His
Ans,0erS TO spondentS.-Fred-Yew amt
obliged to ask the girls mother if you may go
home with her from party; get the girls en-
dorsement, and go in it is proper enough to
ask her to take your arm, but you have no
right to put your arm around her waist unless
you meet bear on the road, and then you are
at once supposed to relinquish your hold as soon
as the bear gets safely by.
Whip-You are right-mules live to lone
ly age; have known them myself to live one
hundred years and not half try. You are also
right about their being sure footed l have
known them to kick boy twice in a second
ten feet off.
Plutarch-You're mistaken; the Shakers
don't marry. If young Shakers fall in love
they are set to weedin onions, which cures
them forthwithly. can't tell you how much
it takes to join the Shakers, but believe the
expense used to be, including having your
hair cut and learning to dance, about IS dollars.
Sportsman-Your inquiry is not exactly in
my line, but haste to reply as follows, to wit
The right length 10 cut offa dorgs tail has new.
er been fully discovered, but is undoubtedly
somewhere back of the ears, provided you get
the dOrg's consent. N. Bit isn't necessary
to have the dorg's consent in writing.
Kitty-To my own personal views in the pre-
misses, it appears that the best rat and mice ex-
terminator is a well regulated Thomas cat; be-
ware of base imitations sold by the respecta-
BILE druggits.