The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-09-11

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An economical man, who bought a coat
much too small for him, did not sell it
again, as he was advised, but, very wisely,
let it out.
said gentleman to lady of his acquaint-
ance. "No-Mr. Pence" "Ah, you have
done better than thought" |
An old gentleman who has been keen
observer of human nature, says that the |
more women look in their glasses the less |
they look to their houses.
"What is that dog barking at Z" asked
his ideas. "Why," said bystander, " he
sees another puppy in your boots"
In a Hoosier court witness, being ask
ed how he knew certain persons were man
and wife, replied, e" Why, dog on it, haint
heard 'em scold more'n fifty times9"
A crusty old bachelor says that women's
hearts are as brittle as glass, and man
who wishes to engrave his name on them
must use diamonds, or he will not be sue
) cessful.
A Missouri newspaper claims that the
hogs of that State are so fat that in order
to find out where their heads arc it is neces-
sary to make them squeal, and then judge
by the sound.
A Thought while Angling.-It must be
very painful state of things to have to live
CON your own hook.n Aud the worst of it
ia that the same position on anybody else's
hook would be equally Objectionable.
At q marriage ceremony in Wexford,
Rhode Island, lately, the bridegroom be-
came impatient during the very extended
prayer, and interrupted the clergyman
with, +" Elder, amt that bout enoughq Z"
al am afraid, sir, you are in a settled
melancholy" said landlady toa miser-
Id M ma "a
replied; .'my melancholy won't settle.
like your coffee, it has too much grounds"
"I wonder where those clouds are going
to IN sighed Flora, pensively, as she point
cd with her delicate finger to the heavy
masses that fioated in the sky. 81 think
they are going to thunder" said her little
brother.
"The man who raised cabbage-head
has done more good than all the metaphysi-
clans in the world, exclaimed n speaker at
an agricultural meeting. Then" remark
ed q wag, "your mother ought to have the
premium"
"This is George the Fourth" said an ex-
hibitor of wax-work, pointing to slim
figure. 81 thought he was a very stout
man." said the other. "Very likely, but II
you had been without victuas half as long
as he has, you'd be twice as thin"
The Proper Place for Them.-A Broad
way hosier, while complaining, a few days
back, about the bad season he has had, and
the immense quantity of goods which he
consequently still has unsold, said, 81 have
thousands of pairs OF gloves on my hands"
A Dutchman was relating his marvellous
escape from drowning when thirteen OF his
companions were lost by the upsettinS OF a
boat, and he alone saved. "And how did
yon escape their fate 7" asked hystander.
ssI did not go in mid de pote," was the
Dutchman's placid reply.
representing a man kneeling at the feet of
woman, said, Before / would kneel to Il
woman l would encircle my neck in u rope
and stretch it," And then turning to a
young woman, he inquired, "Do you not
think it would be the best l could do n
alt world undoubtedly be the best for the
woman was the sarcastic reply.
A clergyman in Washington county, Me-,
driving along lonely road, overlook a
country man on foot, whom he invited to
ride. After the crops had been discussed
the clerical gentleman asked his com
panion "if he was prepared to die !" where
upon the countryman leaped from the
wagon and fed to q place Of safety, doubt
less considering this question synonymous
with Your money or your life"
Louis XIV, taking air in the garden OF
Versailles with his courtiers, saw Mansard
the architect, walking through one of the
alleys. He soon joined Athe old man, and
SSA
auette in the presence of his sovereign
but the Grand Monarque lifted up his hand
in frienly apprehension, and said, Pray
keep it on. The evening is damp, and you
NAV take cold" The courtiers, who were
ali standing bareheaded around the king
as was the custom, stared at each other al
this extraordinary show of courtesy. Bu
Louis XIV, observing their surprise, said
Gentlemen, you are amazed; but learI
this, can make duke OF q marquis will
= my own breath, but God only can make
Mansard."
When the Delaware runs high in TIT
neighhorhood of Port Jervis, it is some
what difficult crossing, making it especially
annoying to parties living on opposite
sides of the stream from the parson whe1
matrimony is contemplated. In the early
time> when Port Jervis was frontier set
element, and Parson Van Benschoten min
ister to the Reformed Dutchmen of thu
bailiwick, he was called upon to marry
couple under difficulties. The stream wa
- an high and rapid that to "skiff" acros
was impossible. He appeared on one bank
they upon the other-the best they coul'
do Amidst and over-sounding the din o
waters, he tied hard the nuptial knot, an
mronoInced them man and wife, adding
u;ti, stentorian emphasis, as he saw then
oailv ascending the hill, 81 say, You ca
leave the money at Hawkins"