The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-07-07
ANDERSON G. E. S. G., THURSDAY MORNING,

ing remotely accessory to them; but these
thoughts were quickly banished, for the regular
editor walked in! RI thought to myself, Now
if YOU had gone down to Egypt, as recon-
mended YOU to- I might have had chance TO
get my hand in but you wouldn't DO It, and
here you are 1 sort of expected you.I ;,
The editor was looking sad, and perplexed,
and detected He surveyed the wreck that old
rioter and these two young farmers had made,
and then said:
"This is a sad business very sad business.
There is the mucilage bottle broken, and six
panes of glass, and spittoon and two candle
sticks. But that is not the worst. The repu-
tation of the paper is injured, and permanently,
I fear. True, there never was such call for
q paper before, and it never sold such large
editions or SCARED to such celebrity; but does
one want to be famous for lunacy, and prosper
upon the infrmities of his mind? My friend,
as am an honest man, the street out here Is
full of people, and others are roosting on the
fences, waiting to get glimpse of you, because
they think you are crazy. And we'll they might,
after reading your editorials. They are dis
grace to journalism. Why, what put 1t into
your head that you could edit paper OF this
nature? You do not seem to know the flrst
rudiments cf agriculture. You speak OF fur
row and harrow as being the same thing; you
talk of the moulting season for cows; and you
recommend the domestication of the pole-cat
on account Of its playfulness and its excellence
as ratter. Your remark that clans will lie
quiet if music be played to them, was superhu-
entirely superfuous. Nothing disturbs
CLANS CLANS always lie quiet. CLAIMS care
nothing whatever about music. All, heavens
and earth, friend, if you had made the acqui-
ring of ignorance the study of your life, you
could not have graduated with higher honor
than YOU did to day. I never saw anything
like it. Your observation that the horse
chesnut, as an article of commerce, is steadily
gaining in favor, is simply calculated to destroy
this journal want you to throw up your sit
uation and go. l want no, more Holiday
could not enjoy it if l had it: Certainly not
with you in my chair. l would always stand
in dread of what you might be going to recon-
mend next. 1t makes me lose all patience
every time think of your discussing oyster
beds under the head of Landscape Gardening
want you to 20. Nothing on earth could per-
suade me to take another holiday. Oh, why
didn't you tell me you didn't know anything
about agriculture
"Tell you, you cornstalk, you cabbage you
son of g caulifower It's the first time l ever
heard such an unfeeling remark. tell you l
have been in the editorial business going on
fourteen years, and it is the first time ever
heard of mans having to know anything in
order to edit a newspaper. You turnip! Who
write the dramatic critiques for the second-rate
papers? Why, parcel of promoted shoema-
kers and apprentice apothecaries, who know
just as much about good acting as | do about
good farming and no more. Who review the
books? People who never wrote one. Who
do up the heavy leaders on finance? Parties
l. -. 1.rr rft,.nt for
knowing nothing about it. Who crticise the
Indian campaigns? Gentlemen who do not
know war-whoop from wigwam, and who
never have had to run a foot-race with toma-
hawk or pluck arrows out of the several men,
bers of their families to build the evening
campfire with. Who write the temperance
appeals and clamor about the flowing bowl?
Folks who will never draw another sober breath
till they do it in the grave. Who edit the ag-
ricultural papers, you-yam? Men, as gen.
eral thing, who fail in the poetry line, yellow
covered novel line, sensation-drama line, city
editor line, and finally fall back on agriculture
as temporary reprieve from the poor-house.
You try to tell me anything about the newspa-
per businessl Sir, l have been through it from
Alpha to Omega, and tell you that the less
man knows the bigger noise he makes and the
higher the salary he commands. Heaven
knows if I had but been Ignorant instead OF
cultivated, and impudent instead of diffdent,
l could have made name for myself in this
cold, selfish world 1 take my leave, sir. Since
1 have been treated as you have treated me, l
am perfectly willing to go. But have done
my duty. ihave fulfilled my contract, as far
as was permitted to do it. said 1 could
make your paper of interest to all classes, and
1 have. i said could run your circulation up
to twenty thousand copies, and if had two
more weeks I'd have done it. And I'd have
given you the best class of readers that ever an
agricultural paper had-not a farmer in it, nor
a solitary individual who could tell water
melon from peach-vine to save his life. You
are loser by this rupture, not me, Pie-plant.
Adois"
I then left.