The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1870-01-15
VARIOUS ITEMS.

burglars advertlsement-Goods care
fully removed.
It is mistake to suppose the sun il
supported by its beams.
What is the greatest want of the age {
Want Of funds.
The public singer that " draws" the
best "A mosquito.
A tale of thrilling interest-the rattle
snakes.
There are twenty-seven miles Of bell
wire in the Fifth Avenue Hotel
The State Etomologist Of Illinois IL
known in that section as the " Bugmsster
General"
y" Money I" replied the steward, g. you
preach for money! I thought yen
preached for the good Of souls I"
Chicago has spent ten millions and
put up twenty-five hundred buildinga
this year. $50
In Altoona, Penn, the Council will
not allow any female under twenty.one
years of age to appear on the stage.
Carrying umbrellas with dagger in
the handle is one of the pleasures Of
life in Rome, which the police try to
suppress. I,
The smallest of the seven Misses Col
Inns, of Claiborne county, Tenn, weighs
two hundred and forty pounds.
One of the Revolutionary widows in
Main who receives pensions, is hale
colored lady nearly 100 years old.
A woman in Connecticut bet ten dollars
against weeks board that she could eat
| a bushel of roasted oysters. She won
the wager.
Harrisburgh has female revenue de-
tective, and she employs her time in look
ing up illicit distilleries.
A pair of twins were recently born on
Pennsylvania railroad train. The mother
said it always made herssick to ride on
the cars.
A daughter Of Prof. Agassiz is in the
insane asylum at Somerville, Mass, q
| monomaniac.
.Souls preplied the minister, g 1 can't
eat souls, and if could, it would take
thousand such as yours to make decent
meal"
An acquaintance says he never has any
trouble to clay in'' his coal-he always
does that when he takes too much Bour-
bon and falls into the cellar.
G Muggins, what era in the worlds
history do you regard with the deepest
horror?" sThe cholera p gasped
Muggins, with spasmodic shudder.
Why should the sea make better
housekeeper than the earth Because
the earth is exceedingly dirty, and the
sea is very tidey.
| It is said that petitions are going
up to the Pennsylvania Legislature, pray
ing them to re-enact the Ten Command
ments.
John Morrissey has been to hear
Beacher preach and he says he never
saw man "get the devils head in
chancery SO quick in all his life"
An old lady was admiring the beauti-
full picture called +" Saved" It's no
WONDER" said she, g the poor child faint
ed, after pulling that great dog out of
the water"
A Kentucky spiritualist couldn't pay
twenty-five dollars tax for street improve
ments, and so took himself to the Sum-
mer Land (wbere nobody pays taxes) by
cutting his throat.
Detroit is shocked at the fact that
lady of refinement and education, highly
connected in Windsor, was found in its
streets, in state of stupid intoxication.
| Women are to be admitted to the priv
ileges of Eton, fact upon which the
London Daily Neirs remarks is an evl-
dence of the advancing spirit OF the
age.
The San Francisco EraDsiaer advises
the Legislature to forbear in the passage
of anti Mongolian bills, believing that
the Fifteenth Amendment is sure to pass,
and oppressive State measures may IN
duce Congress to make voters OF Chinese
residents That will be apt to settle the
Chinese agitation for the present
BUsINEss.-There is good deal OF
talk in Philadelphia among the brokers
about certain fast young man whose
| father is overburdened with millions. s
The young man would not work, ana
the old man could not bear an idler, and
| many were the quarrels between them
At last the old man, quite out OF pa
! tiencc, said:
"Now, Jack, give you ono week 70
make up your mind to what business you
are to go in. No son of mine shall be
lounger, and go to work you shall. AZ
the end Of this week, if you have made
no choice, I will stop your allowance a.
together, and make you take stool IN
my Office; and work enough you'l u have
it there" , ,
Well, Jack promised to look around
and make up his mind.
At the end of the week, sharp and
peremptory as was his way the old bro
ker sang ont: $3.50 ~ sa.t.,fs
aWeiI, Tack, times up; have you
made up your mind to make your own
living?"
aWell, father, I've been thinking of
it, and have something in my mind, but
it will require considerable capita"
aCapital, Jack capital, my bcyp said
the delighted father. Only = try 70
make your own living, and III buy you
National Bank or line Of steamers
What is it, jack What is It r
aWell, fathepM was thinking that If
vu<.2... y ~,xxn <y.rnn ~, &1ur