The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1870-05-12
TIL e Pill OF .
HUMOROUS.


The quickest trip-on an orange peel.
The woman quession-what did she
have on?
To find the height Of ambition-measure
the man.
The real central criminal courtroom
science
What is i, you must keep after giving i,
away? Your word.
To sound the depth of the mind-boro q
hole Though the skull.
He that hath revenge in his power and
does not use it is great man.
WHY cannot family Of girls be photo
graphed? Because there's no sun lson.j
"You dent look a-miss, as the young
lady said to her beau when he got her boz
net on.
Dom Piatt says remorse generally
means the grief Of the criminal at being
caught
He who pokes his nose everywhere will
sometimes poke it between a thumb and
fore finger.
Why is an ear Of wheat and an oak SIM
Oar in origins Because they both spring
from corn.
New Bedford brags Of pointer that
came to dead stand the other day before
doc r plate inscribed "a. Partridge.
A Maine doctor, applying for position
as an examiner OF life insurance com
pany, replied TO the question as to the
system on which he practiced: "On the
human system"
IAN morning bitters have heating
tendency or effect said doctor to
young lady. You will except hitter
cold morn ng, won't you doctor?' inquired
the lady.
You ought to acquire the fuculty of
being at home in the best OF society, SAID
a fashionable aunt to an honest nephew:
81 manage that easy enough, responded
the nephew, "by staying at home with my
wife and children.
A face,ious boy asked one of his play
mates why hardware dealer was like
bootmaker? The latter somewhat puzzled,
gave it up. why said the other, be-
cause the one sold the nails and the other
nailed the soes.
A writer onco heard speech delivered
before a company OF newsbOys anu boot>
Hacks as follows: My dear children:
You should be good because it is sc good TO
he good; you should not be bad because 1t
J, so bad to be bad If you are good, you
will feel as good as | do; If you are bad you
will feel as bad rs you do. "
A Dutch woman kept toll gate. One
foggy day a traveller asked: Madame,
how far is i. to B?' 'Shoost leetle
ways" was the reply. Yes; but how
far2 again asked the traveller. "Shoost a
ketie way" more emI hatically. Md
anne, is it one, two, three, four, or .fre
miles p The good woman ingenlusly re-
piled, Il dinks 1t is''
81 think" said Mr. A. Bronson Alcott
once, In conversation, that when a man
lives on beef he becomes something like an
OK; if he eats mutton he begins to look
shccpish, and if he eats pork may he not
grow to be swinish?'' That may be-"
said Dr. Walker, of Cambridge, but
when man lives on nothing but vegeta-
bles, think he's apt to be pretty small
potutoes!'
AILTIIAT WAS NECESSARILY scene in
a nicture gallery shows "a model model, y
list, and in the artists absence explains the
picture to a lady visitor:
From whom did Mr.. M'Gilp paint that
head?"
From yours, obedienty, Madam. |
set for the eds of all is 'o.y men,"
ole must find very useful person.
Eyes, Madam | order his frames
stretch his canvasses, wash his brushes, sci
his palette and mix his coIors. All he!
got TO do is just to shOUe en-.
An Eastern college paper reports this
dialogue:
vender of salve-"Want to buy some
salve?''
S,uden.-"Nc."
Vendcr of save-"G God for boils.
Student-"I don't sant any"
Vender of salve-"Good for corns.
Student with disgustl-'1 haven't go
any
Vender of salvc-"Very nice to eat OIL
bread.
Exit vender of salve followed by die
Ionary.
A preacher once preached rather Ions
sermon from the text: Thou art weighed
in the balance, and found wanting,
After the congregation had listened TO
about an hour, some began to get wear.
and went cut; others soon followed, great
ly to The annoyance of the preacher
Whereby he stopped his sermon and said
That's right, gentlemen; as fast as yo'
are weighed, pass out" The balanc
reighted.
A young man from the country was sup
ping with some city acquain,anccs-
chiefly females. Thinking to have fun a
his expense, one of the girls said to him
''You country folks don't often drink gen
uire tea, and perhaps you would prefer tn
adulterated stuff Now what kind woul,
you lke?" If it's all the same to you
will take little civil ten, mixed with lit
tie modes,tea- combination | see 20,
have not got.
A San Franciscan, speaking of the or
chestrs in the Chinese theatre there, says
Il tell you, you can go your bottom dola
tina, you never heard anything like it; why
when that band strikes up, it sounds Xix,
ten thousand wash boilers tumbling off
Ave story building on to brick sidewalk.
A lazy fop standing by his brother
work bench while the latter was sharpening
his chisel, said, John, why do you worI