The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-06-25
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

land grant spectators. 1t desires the govern
ment to grant the right Of way across the ocean
to China for a cable, and give land to these spec
ulators, twenty miles ON each side of the cable
aud compel them to live on the lands. There's
hberality for you!
farmer up in Minnesota killed $50 rattle
snakes on his farm one morning before break.
last He says, 1T wasn't the regular day for
snakes to come out of their holes, and besides
there's scarcely any snakes on his farm !"
The Home Journal says the dry weather has
badly affected all the crops in that section, in.
Guiding the baby crop.
The radicals are having lovely time down in
Bureau and other counties west of rs, about who
shall go to Congress, in place of Ingersoll They
are calling each other ''liars" id fools,
thieves" williams" &c. and seem to have lots
Of fun.
Singular it may seem, the loafers in this
city are all busy-hunting cool retreats under
the awnings.-Henry Republican,.
Here they don't call what they hunt by that
nanc. 1t isn't "retreat," they never treat"
The editor of the Peru Herald is disgusted.
He saw young couple promenading the streets
lrely, and th. is the way in which they did it
they were the most affectienate pair we have
met with for many day. Almost every corner
lac would have to stoop down for he was about
twr fee; the tallest) and sip from those ruby
!ip- t'e eitervescence of love- Sensations of un
uttctih!e JOY capered over his heart like young
goat, yer stable roof, and thrilled through it
like Spanish needles through pair of tow liner
trowcr-. His eyes stood open like cellar doors
i'll 4 country town, and he lifted up his ears 20
catch the silvery accents OF her sweet voice. His
love Tor her was stronger than the smell Of COT.
fey patent butter, or the kick of . young COW,
more um-eh,h than kittens first catterwaul
Ia hi' magin alton she was fsirer than speckled
pu!iet, sweeter than Yankee doughnut fried
III 'orghum molasses, brighter than the topuot
piumage on the head of muscovey duck. She
was candy kisses, raisins, pound cake and sweet.
ened toddy altogether.
The Uerad man was mad because he couldn'.
ge, some 'of those"
The editor Of the Macoupin Time. lately pick.
ed up the following touching epistle; it speaks
volumes
DEAREST p: Your booIs are inside tho gar.
den fence. At the southeast corner, under piece
OF old carpet. Don't come any more, for heavens
sake The old man swesrs he'll blow the top Of
your head of. Your afectionate E."
The Louisville Courier-,lournA says that
"Zack Chandler says he both likes and fears
Kentucky. He means by this that he likes her
whisky and fears her hemp"
The Havana Clarion of the 9th inst. is respon.
sibe for the following:
Judge Warner, Of this place, has rather an in.
,el!igent darkey The other morning he heard
the fellow crying out a. the top OF his voice:
Mass Warner. Mass Warner. oh, Mass
Warner. how's gwine to git down di. yere
ladder :"
Come down the same way you went up, You
tlockhead' replied the Judge, running to see
wha, was the matter.
DE same way as come up Mass Warner z"
"les, confound you. and don't bother me any
more"
We'll, If | ,nuet, ! must {" and down came the
lit;ie dsrkey. head foremost. Tho Judge would
have sworn some, but the fact of his being q
Sunday school teacher, forbade it.
The editor of the Berlin Wis Couran.
thanks = gentleman for present Of copy Of .
book called the Holy Bible, and says he has often
heard of it and wished to see it.
The Hrcard Adrocate says that this il the last
hing from an impassioned lover to his mistress
Would you were an exclamation point and q
parenthesis q"
Fresh buttermilk is ono Of the nost sensible
thinks announced here; there 10 no mokery in
t. and nothing raging about it. And further.
pore, it is not red unless sweetensd with molss.
.es-FiTspor Bulletin.
We commend this beverage to the public. and
nope to see it out on our saloon bars, instead Of
he pizen they deal in How would buttermilk
and paraties do for free lunch?
Tonica, in La Sale county. wants barber, .
photographer aud Matchmaker. So says the
Rl,sitr.
We don't know whether Ottawa can supply
my of these wants, but We could spare a saloon
two. if any should be needed at Tonica.
The Clinton Banner says it does not require
brains talent or .kill to catch fish, but all that
IS needed is simply COMPOUNDED laziness" The
Bmn,r is correct, and that is why we never
catch any fish,
Robert Fuller was indicted and convicted of
furnishing whisky to Thomas G. King, an in.
temperate person. He was sentenced to pay
Inc of $50 and undergo an Imprisonment in the
county Jail for period Of sixty days-Er.
We commend the above to whisky dealers.
How would you like law similar to the above,
Pennsylvania statute?
Here is some poetry suggested by the 18th
mendment:
It's Il sin to steal pin
crime to cut throat
Itpf "A doNO go