Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1870-09-30
Stage Fright.

\ manager says: "l once sent
'on' young medical student in the
character of lover who had to
make Il declaration, be accepted,
be surprised by rival, challenge
him on the spot, declare that he
would not stir until this greensward
was stained with the blood Of one
if not both, order parenthetically
pistols for two at once and coffee
for one in ten minutes, and, in fact,
90 through the greatest amount of
bombast compressible into a short
time. OF course the loye-making
was to be of the most high flown
character. 'On' he went, and at
the sight of the audience and the
lady seated at her work table sub
sided Immediately into a very abyss
of fear. Instead of rushing franti-
cally toward the object of his affec-
tons, tlinging himself on his knees,
and bursting into a tremendous
rhapsody, as he ought to have, he
simply stood and looked at her,
twisting his hat feebly in his hands.
Not one word could he say, but in
dead silence crept across the stage,
slowly took up a chair, set it exact
ly opposite the lady, put his hat
under the chair, offered to sit down,
looked behind him to make sure if
the chair was really in its place, sat
down on the extreme edge of it.,
looked at the ground, rubbed his
knees slowly, and now and then
glanced up at his intended bride,
much as dog looks up when it has
stolen something and knows it is
going to be whipped. The audi
cnce was in ecstacics. They all
thought it was pure acting, and that
the part was that of a bashful lover.
Certainly, any one who could act
half so well ought to make his for
tune. He had been. in possession OF
the stage some seven or eight min
utes without speaking a word, when
he opened his mouth ONCE Or twice
and rubbed his knees again, and at
last said, in a brokens AND husky
voice, "How's your lnotller?" A
perfect shrek of laughter burst
from the audience, and gave the OPP
flcrtunity for getting him off the
Asge. The rival rushed forward,
|.itoanced on him, hauled him off by
the collar, flung himself, on his
knees, did all the rhapsody himself,
Eand we had to patch up the scene
as we best could. Although so com
plete a. failure on the part of the in
dividual, the scene was the best OF
the evening, and is well remember
ed to the present day"
AN OREGON VERSION OF THE
LABOR DIFF1cuLTY.-A certain
Judge, and ardent democratic politi
clan, of Portland-on-Wa allamct, had
dumped at his door a load of wood
when Immediately Chinese wood
sawyer asked for the job of saving
it up. EHow muchee?' asked tho
judge. Hap dollar replied John
The bargain was about to be struck
when an Irish-American citizen, ot
the blue blood, demanded the job
How much?' again asked the judge
"A dollar and half replied Ameri
can citizen. The judge demurred
replying that the Chinaman had
just offered to do the same work fol-
a half-dollar. However, he said,
'as l prefer to encourage whit,
American labor, l will pay you :
dollar and a half, whcrcupon thu
white constituent prepared for thu
work, and John turned away disap
pointed. But the judge returning
some hours afterward, and, to hi.
surprise, found the Chinaman, ano
not the white man, at work upon hi
wood-pile. 'How's this, how's this ?
said his honor, who told you to saw
my wood?' Mclean man. said
John. 'How muchee he pay.
queried the judge. Hap dollar,
said John. The judge accepted
this lesson on cheap Asiatic labor
and understands now that hi,
fellow-democrat was wiser than h,
in giving up labor with his owr
hands, and in rising at once to tn,
dignity of an employer by buying
labor at fifty cents, and selling i
again at 200 per cent. advance.