The Portland daily press., 1870-12-08
Terms $500 per annuns, in adrance.

VI exaggerated neatness and precision, with
ine assumption of greater magnifcence than
We pam country people think comports with
DIS not greatly exalted station in life.
The moment he enters the house the peace
OF the inmates departs. You know how mod
est country inns necessarily are in the matter
OF personal attendance-the landlord, bis wife,
sons and daughters usually comprising the
whole force OF the establishment. So it is in
the good Steinhammer's tavern. II you want
anything and know where it is you "heIp
yourself" But our hero takes his stand In
Tue humble Office as if he were at the Fifth
Avenue hoteL He keeps at least one person
constantly employed in attending to his warts
or answering his questions. Every act is per-
formed with the utmost demonstratiyeness of
which it by any possibility admits and every
word is so laden with afectation that one il
kept in perpetual state of indignant amaze
ment To bring him glass of water to his
satisfaction puts the capabilities of the house
to severe test, while by the simple act of 60
ing to bed he leaves all hands overcome with
fatigue on account Of the services he requires
of them. Not even after he is safely between
the sheets is it certain that relief has come,
for sometimes there is
AN ALARM IN THE NIGHT.
One cold night in the winter as boarder
who had remained out till the short hours, as
sisting the daughter Of a neighboring farmer
in her studies, was stumbling along the dark
passage by our hero's door to his own room. a
plaintiff voice issued from No. (where the
illustrious guest was bestowed, and where a
merciful providence had decreed that there
should be no bell) requesting in the most co.
lite and conciliatory tones but still with great
urgency, that the landlord might be imme-
diately summoned. The oblising lad rushed
noisily 10 the honest. Dutchman's door and
awakened all the household by his vigorous
knocking. The landlord, in turn, rushed to
No, without stopping to put on his clothes,
expecting to find his guest in the last extrem-
ity-"dying Of a rose in aromatic pain" il
nothing more. But Mr.. Chestefield merely
requested dim to remove from the bed GER
tain quilt and to substitute for it another, q
trife lighter, the relative weight and warmth
Of which had formed the topic of a solemn
and at times intensly excited discussion to
which the whole household was summoned
just before he retired the evening previous
q discussion which was prolonged half an
hour, when the landlsdy was taken down
stairs in state of syncope induced by pure
nervous exhaustion. When Steinhammer after
an incredulous pause, slowly began to appre-
hend the nature Of the request it is said that
more finished and symetrical specimen of
of.hand cursing in mingled German and Eng
lish was never heard within the limits of this
commonwealth.
MINOR PECULIARITIEs.
Mr.. Chesterfield makes the most common
request and performs the most trivial act with
incredible solemnity. When he directs the
landlord to give him his overcoat the gravity
of his demeanor is such that nature itself
seems hushed to listen. At dinner he is
spectacle worthy of the attention of gods and
men. Having taxed the resources of the
house in surrounding himself with such food,
solid and liquid, as he desires, there he sits,
eating with an air of polite depreciation and
implied protest. All at the table are con-
scious of him from necessity. Beside his
plate lies bunch of flowers, of which he is
now and then pleased to inhale the fragrance.
Now he sips his tea, now his coffee and
anon his glass of milk or water
These fluids, of which he partakes in
finitesinial quantities, being found insufficient
to appease the pangs Of thirst, he orders choc-
olate and such other decoctions as happen to
occur to him. When he at length rises from
the table the very stars seem to tremble in
their spheres at the profound significance Of
the act. 1t is tremendous event when he
sneezes, and is the occasion of pleasant dis
course, in the nature of personal reminis-
cences, wherein the narrator kindly describes
with great minuteness his sensations while
sneezing, his experience of sneezing when q
child, with glance at what may be expected
in the future from what he delicately calls his
"sternutatory parnxysms." II he diseo~ars a
fly in his room-(you know what a country
inn isl hue and cry is at once raised, and
there is no peace for the neighborhood till
the intruder is expelled. The chambermald
has several times been prostrated by the in
cautious contemplation of his toilet articles,
while in the performance Of her official du-
ties. Their variety and elegance she describes
as astonishing.
CONCLUSION.
Now, Mr.. Editor, if you think this fellow
citizen of yours is myth, you are mistaken.
He is terrible reality in such places as he
frequents, and 1t is reported that in several
towns In the interior the doors are closed
against him on account of several cases of
insanity having been caused by the terrors of
his presence. And if you believe that he is
not magnificent fellow-yea, an overpowsr-
ingly magnificent fellow,-and, from a phil
osophic point of view, an uncommonly anus.
ing fellow, you are mistaken again, and it Is
the inadequacy of my description that has
inisled you. (which the same I am free to
maintain" KARENHAPPUC.
Gossip and Gleanings.
"A gentleman by the name of Joshua
Pickering, of North Hampton, N. H., fell