Weekly Trinity journal., 1870-12-24
FACT AND FANCY.
Visionary fruit-Thc apple of the eye.

Visionary fruit-Thc apple of the eye.
Paternal acres-The old man toothachc.
Light reoding-Reports of the gas companies
People who are behind times should be fed on
"ketchup"
The mosquito, as public singer, draws WE'LL
but never gives satisfaction.
Tom Hughes thinks " too great haste" the
American national weakness.
Poor pigs, they doctored the wrong way
rodnd-klled first and cured afterwards.
A Judge in Indiana has been nicknamed "Old
Necessity" because necessity knows no law.
Woman is an essay on grace, in volume,
elegantly bound. Every man should have
copy.
A witty lady being asked her opinion of
mustaches ~ always set my face against
them"
A thief who lately broke open a grocer's ware
house, excused himself on the plea that he went
to take tea.
What is the difference between hill and
pill? One is hard to get up, and the other is
hard to get down.
Foolng with bear was the primary cause of
Detroit mans retirement from business and
the settling of his estate.
1t begins to look ominous when the woman of
the period wants her club she used to be salts
fled with her broomstek
A careless Chicagoan has been fined $lO for
throwing his wife out of the window, to the dam
ger Of persons passing underneath.
They toll bell, in Winchester, Indiana, and
Chilicotche, Ohio, every half hour as Il signal
for the inhabitants to take their qunne.
A New York thief was discharged the other
day because the drawer which he was charged
with stealing, was spelled in the indictment
'draw."
In Boston, poor man who, less than a year
ago, had only one suit of clothes, went into the
newspaper business, and now has eight suits
Seven of them for libel.
a man in Indiana put the end of a gun into
the fire and looked down the muzzle to see
whether it was loaded. The coroners jury de-
cided that his suspicious were correct.
A mother out West recently addressed her
daughter Ihns : "My daughter, you are now
fifteen years of age, engaged to be married, and
without freckle on your face. have done my
duty"
Mamma" said an intelligent little girl
d" What is the meaning of IL book printed in
l2moW "Why, my dear" replied the mother
I" it means that the book will be printed in
twelve months"
80 III" man who raised cabbqge-hcad has
done more good than all the mctaphy sicians in
the world said a stump orator at meeting.
" Then" said "A wag, " your father ought to
have had Cue preminm."
A gay matren, in Indiana, recently captured
aud marcied her a4gdter's intended whereat
the young lady waKed wr0th, and by way of
complete revenge set off dozen punches OF fire
crackers under the bridal couch.
1t is five years since nitro gycerinc came into
The one thousand seven hundred persons
whom it has killed or manned for life, aud the
millions Of property it has destroyed, may be
styled recommendations of its efficacy.
An old f,rtnor eovs tho Lnet ,rov citv
chap who wants to become an agriculturast,
is TO hire ont to some farmer for couple Of
years, aud marry his daughter, who knows how
TO raise chickens and make pantaloons.
Following is description of property which
occurs on the records of Nevada county. " EX-
tending down the canyon to a piece Of iron
driven in the bed rock seven hundred feet more
or less" That is certainly long old drive.
At Plymo til, New Hampshire the Rev. Cbas
Granwood has been trial for firing his own
house. to obtain $l5 900 insurance money. lie
was acquitted on the ground that it did not
seem possible so good man could be so naughty
The greatest joiner--the lawyer. lie can
place tenant, impannel IL jury, box Il witness,
bore the Court, chisel "A client, augur the gains,
floor witness, cut his beard nail the case,
hammer the desk, file his bill, and shave II whole
community.
The Ttusvlle Herad says the latest dodge to
Cory BARRIERS, who, when n customer enters for
shave give him chloroform, and avail them
selves of its stupor TO cut his hair and shampoo
him. 1t is called cliptomania.
lady advertises for employment COR
namenfdL guesf'-will assist at dinner and eve
ming parties, and by her grace, wit and beauty
contribute to the entertainment of the guests in
the highest style of art, for which accomplish
ment she demands handsome compensation
A hac ad for
$50 600 worth of libel. The reckless editor act
tually had the audacity to state that the emf
nent corn doctor formerly IA coachman.
The doctor was confined to his bed for a week
after the paper said it.
The liberal-hearted proprietor Of a lager beer
saloon, in Rutland, Vermont, recently lost his
purse containing 5000. 1t was found and re-
turned to him by young man, and the gratfed
Teuton thus gave vent to his delight Bob,
you is one honest nlPn. ! tells you what III do;
I'll shake you for the lager"
You can do anything you have patience,
said an old uncN, who had made fortune, to
his nephew who had nearly spent one 1" Water
may be carried in seive if you only wait. "
@ How long," asked the petulant spendthrift
who was impatient for the old mans death
Till it freezes" was the codreply.
"Pay or die y would seem to be the motto OF
Boston physician who was visited Sunday
evening by young man who had been severely
cut in a quarrel. After dressing the wound and
naming his fee, he was told by his patient that
he could not pay him until Monday, whereupon
the physician cut the stitches he had taken, and
sent the young man away with his wound open
and bleeding.
West Union, Iowa, has lawyer who follows
the formal phraseoogy Of legal documents to-
well to a considerable distance. Drawing up a
complaint for assault and battery, recently, he
made the following representation of facts: "And