New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1870-01-25
ABOLITION or THE SOLAR SYSTEM


The celebrated Mr. Sampson Brass, upon
pretending to discover the iniqulty OF ser
want. exclaimed, with an excess of skepticlsm:
"Apd this is the world that turns upon Its
Gown axis, and has lunar influences, and revo-
"Iutions round heavenly bodies, and various
"games of that sortw But here comes GER
tain Dr. p. f. Trastour de Varano, late OF
New Orleans, who has published, or Is ABOUT
60 publish, q work in which he has or will play
cat bowls with the sun and moon," demolish
the Coperncan system, repeal the Laws OF
Kepler, and prove the pippn OF sir
Isaac Newton to have been as false as
Dead-Sea fruit or the Apple of Eve. We mourn
the pippin, because that pretty story OF Sir
Isaac knocked on the head by it was one OF
the solaces of our infancy; but inasmuch as
DR.. de VaTano proposes to cOnfute all astron-
omical learning and even announces that the
sun at some future day "will rise in the west
land set in the east" it is hardly worth while
to be too sorry over any particular part of
human learning. For the Doctor brings the
whole heavens and the whole earth to right
about face; informs us that 1.-THE stars have
general movement that carries them from
"west to east" and that before long,
Easter will come in the middle OF
Spring to which, theolOgically, we have
no objection, so it does not cease to come at all.
Now it is that we begin to thank our fortune that
We are not scientific that we have not spent
the days of our life in figuring and our nights
in looking through telescopes. Still, to think
that " the sun is not placed in the center OF
/" the planetary universe! :" To think that
" do not annually revolve around that lumi-
"nary ~ That we have been under deluslOn
respecting our own orbit" which is mot
circle" We are bewildered We are intel
lectually bedevillcd We have believed in the
almanac but the almanac is all wrong This,
however, we are proud to say, does not affect
the election returns in THE TRIBUNE ALMANAC
Gust publshcd) for except so far as the
"Democraticn vote may be influenced by the
moon, these do not depend upon the state OF
astronomical science.
We have very little heavenly learning, and
trustfuly confess that we are not in position
TO cOnfute the teachings of DIR. de Narano
Indeed, we rather admire and enjoy them.
This being an era of change, why should we
not change all that We have always thought
the conduct of the Sun to be extremely whim-
steal and reprehensible We have always felt
that il he was "the center of the system'-the
Head Center, if we may be allowed the
expression-that there were times and sea-
sons when he deserved to be impeached
and removed from office. When he was wanted
for tulnips he came out for grass, and when
he was wanted for fruit he vailed his shining
head in cloud. There are thousands of our
readers who have felt that weather" ESQ
called) was a snare and delusion that the
$50 called) succession of the seasons" was
dreadful mistake and this opinion they have
mostly entertained when shivering through
June OF perspiring through December. They
will appreciate the discovery of our learned
Doctor, that climate is subject to extreme
" vicissitudesr- cOnfoundedly disagreeabe
vcissitudes some of them are 1t is sort of
comfort to know that hereafter " we need not
expect any specific weather." and this will be
a special satisfaction to those learned persons
who prOphesy concerning the same, masmuch
as they can now give the reins to their imagi-
nation, and prophesy whatever they please.
But, after all, we are thinking of that partic-
ular morning when the Sun, having completed
his arrangements for doing so, will astonish
mankind by coming up where he went down
the previous evening, and will rise in the
west! We shall not be here to see it, nor
will DR.. dc Varano; but we can imagine the
frighted population of the world running about
in CONSERVATION, and whispering with pale
lips, "The Doctor was right" For time, on
earth and in heaven, the confusion will be ex-
treme Persons having letters to write will
know not how to date them, and persons
having notes to pay, in the general transmog-
rification of everything, will suffer them to go
to protest Cocks will fall dead with wonder
from their perches, and cooks will be in
quandary between supper and breakfast; the
polite will vary between Good morning ~ and
Good EVENING" and those who are of regu-
lar habits, and have taken their shower-baths
at sunrise for years, will glance obviously Mt
the brink. We have to announce. however,
that the usual morning edition of THE TRIBUNE
will be printed under any circumstances; and
that when the Sun rises shall come out.
whether he rise at 19 o'clock in the daytime
or at 12 o'clock in the night. Upon this point
we shall make no concession
Meanwhile, at this momentous season, when
the great physical revolution is consummated,
and the disappointed and dsmayed ghost of
Copenicus is losing its way among tho disar-
ranged stars, we can fancy the most fHghtful
disorders everywhere prevailing throughout the
universe Mars and Venus eneountorg each
other the fiery face to the fair ono, and laugh
at memories of the old mvrriment. Metcury