Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-03-11
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
SHARP FooD-A Sword fish.

SHARP Foop-A Sword fish.
JOINT EDUcATIoN-Gym
7 THE Greatest Composer-Chloriform.
THE Best Crow-nometer Extant--A
lively rooster.
A SPACIOUS Piece of Furniture-A table
of distances. tla a
THE Greatest Bet ever Made-the AL
phabet.
If you want cowslips in winter drive
your cattle on ice. %
A JEWS harp gives notes. Anew sharp
collects them. st ~
To avoid the blues, insure in the Wash
ington Life of New York.
THE monogram that makes the most
matrimonial matches is 5.
How would you paint an absent mind
ed friend? In brown study.
WHEN is fowls neck like a bellY
When it is wrung for dinner.
WAITING on three or four girls at the
same time is said to be a general court.
WHO is the most liberal man ?-The
grocer; he gives almost everything he has
weigh. jA @
THE man whe buried his revenge in
oblivion has had it washed up by the tears
of repentance.
A TRUE philosopher is one who can
smile at his own misfortunes and pity and
relieve those of others.
WHY is the earth like blackboard?
Because the children of men multiply
upon the face of it.
A SUNDAY SCHOOL teacher in New
York gave meerchaum pipe to one OF
his scholars as reward of merit.
If you can't coax fish to bite, try your
persuasive powers on cross dog, and
you will be sure to succeed.
"MY boy, what does your mother do
for living?" was asked of little bare
footed urchin. "She eats cold victuals,
sir"
LESSON IN GEoeRAPHY-School marin
to little Josie: Where is the North
Pole, JOSEF" "Top of the map, marin"
A CHAPLAIN of a State prison was asked
by a friend how his parishioners WERE
All under conviction" was the reply.
DIDN'T you guarantee, sir, that this
horse would not shy before the fire of an
enemy?" "No more he won't. 'Tisn't
till after the fire that he SHES"
THOSE are the best husbands and fathers
who prove their devotion by actions
which continue to bless even after death.
| By insuring your life in the Washington
| this point is secured. Is
A WHITE garment appears worse with
| slight soling than do colored garments
much soiled; so q little fault in good
man attracts more attention than great Of
fences in bad man. t..ts4.s-
NOTHING IF NOT GRAMMATICAL
George. Kitty Where are your"
Kitty" Here | are, Georgep' George
"Don't say, Here you are; say, Here
you am when you're speaking Of your
self"
A PARTISAN philosopher propounds a
question and gives the answer: why
has nature given us two ears and but one
| tongue? In order that we should repeat
| but one-half of what we hear"
: A JUDGE recently stated in behalf Of a
female witness whom lawyer was cross
questioning as to her age, that woman
had right to be of any age she pleased,
because, if she stated her real age, nobody
would believe her.
IT is vain to stick your finger in the
water, and pulling it out, look for hole ;
and equally vain to suppose that, however
ldl SOd ePdCO you OCCupy, ouO Woliu WIZ
miss you when you have passed on.
A MAN, on beinS told by generous
farmer that he would give him barrel
OF cider, asked him if he would bring it
to his house. Certainly" replied the
farmer, "with pleasure" "Well," said
the grateful recipient, "what will you pay
me for the barrel when the cider is gomez
THERE is a sentiment as BEAUTIFUL as just
in the following lines " He who forgets
the fountain from which he drank, and
the trees under whose shade he gamboled,
| in the days of his youth, is a stranger to
the sweetest impressions of the human
| heart" @ ~ ut a ss.t
AS several neighbors of rather dis
honest man who kept a turner's shop were
discussing his wonderful skill in his art,
one of them remarked that, skillful as he
| was, there was one thing which he
couldn't turn" "What is that ?" was
the general inquiry. can honest penny"
was the satisfactory reply.
DEARER AND DEARER.
Dear Laura, when you were flirting young miss,
And was your dutiful swain,
Your smiles could exalt to the summit of bliss,
Your frowns could o'erwhelm me with pain
You were dear TO me then, love, but now you're
my wife,
1t is strange the fond tie should be nearer ~
For whenI am paying your bills, on my life,
You seem to get deGrer and dedrer j!