The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1870-02-05
MY wife's Bridal Tour.
BY NOSE SKINNER.

ok thon'hs or year, ana d try to 80
with her, but she said she rather go alone
when woman was travelling a man
was an out-and-out humbug.
SO 1 gave her seventy FIVE cents, aud
told her to go off and have good time
l never bcsrudge money where my wifc's
happinc is concerned. My first wife
never could complain of not going any
where's, for Pm dreadful fierce to 20 off
on good time myself, and always was.
don't pretend to say how many times
took her out to see the engine squirt, and
there was no end to tho free lectures |
let her go to. The neighbors used to
say: "It docs beat all how the SIX sinners
go!"
When Signor Blitz was in Slunkville,
with his wonderful canaries, he gave my
W .!e . campnlimentary ticket. not only
sold that ticket for my wife, but l gave
her half the money. l don't boast of it.
though only mention it to show how
much l thought of my wifes happiness.
don't think any man ought to get
married till he can consider his wife's
happiness only second to his own. John
Wise, neighbor of mine, did thusly.
and when | got married concluded I'd
do like Wise.
But the plan didn't work in the ease
of my second wife. No, should think
not. oroached the subject kindly.
"siatilda," said, II suppose you arc
aware that [ am now your lord and mas.
ter"
"Not much you amt, said she.
Mrs. Skinner" replied you are
fcarfully dcmoralizcd. You need rcor
ganzing at once. You arc cranky" And
| brnndishrd nv sirtr-two cent umhrell,
wildly around her.
She took the umbrella away from me,
and locked me up in the cl"thcsprcss.
am quick to draw an inference, and
the inference | drew here was. that
was not n success as Il rcorganzcr of
female women
After this, changed my tactics.
let her have her uwn way, and 'hc plan
worked to charm from the very first
It's the best way of managing wife that
know of. vi course this is between
you aud me.
So when my wife was bound to go of
on bridal tour anyhow, | cordially as
sented. $50, Matilda" said l "and
stay as long as you want to; then if you
feel as though you would like to stay
little while longer, stay dear, stay"
She told me to stop talking, aud go up
stairs and get her red flannel night-cap
and that bag of penuy-royal for her aunt
Abigail.
My wife is very smart woman. She
was B .xtcr, aud the Baxtcrs are very
smart family indeed. Her mother, who
is going on eighty, can fry more slap
jacks now, than half these primped up
city girls, who rattle on the piano, or
else walk the street with their furbclows
and fxings, pretending to get mad if
young chap looks at 'cm pretty hard
but getting mad in earnest if you don't
take any notice of them at ALL
All! girls ain't what they used to be
when was young, and the fellows are
worse still. When l went courtiug, for
instance, | never thought ufstryiug till
after ten o'clock, and only went twice a
week. Now they 20 seven nights in
week, and cry because there ain't eight
They write touching notes to each other
during the day. "Dcar George, do you
love me as much now as you did at
quarter past twelve last night? Say
you do, dearest; and it will give me
courage to go down stairs and tackle
them cold beans left over from yesterday"
Well, well, 1 suppose they enjoy them
selves, and it amt for us old folks, whose
hearts have got little calloused by
long wear, to interfere. Let them get
together and court if they like it, and |
think they do. l was forty.scven when
l courted my present wife, but it seemed
just as nice to sit on little cricket at
her feet and let her smooth my hair, as
it did thirty years ago.
AS | said before, my wife is a very
smart woman, but she couldn't be any
thing else, and Baxter. She used to
give lectures on Woman's Rights, and in
one place where she lectured, big col
lege conferred the title of l.. l.. ID. upon