Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1870-06-28
REMARKS ny BILLINGS.
a Temperance Disesurse In Reply
10 orrespondent

70 Correspondent
BEnxsHIRE: Who 1t waz that III
vented alcohol, am unable tew tell
without lieing; but it would hav bin a
filst klass blessing for the rest Of us II
he and the Ticker had both of them
been split on the ground and never bin
sopped up since.
The devil himself with all hiz genius
for a ten-strike. could not hav rolled q
ball more serviceable for hiz bizness
OH earth; one more certain to quarter
OH the head pin, and sweep the alley
every time. Rum IL the devils stool
pigeon, hiz right bower, hiz high, low,
jack and the game.
a CRATE menny, with dyspeptic
morals, argy that lickor Is indispensibel
for manufacturing and docktor purposes,
and also for meEanikal uses, and they
hold that yu kouldn't raize barn that
would stand, without emmy good old
Jamaka rum, and sum say that pud-
ding sass. without emmy speeritS III 1t,
IL no healthier than common goose
grease.
But awl theze argys are furnished
free oy cost, by the Devil himself, and
emmy man who advances them Is tell
ing without knowing it, perhaps lies
that will weigh, at a rough estimate,
at least a pound apiece. But mi o6jeckt
In these fu preliminuS remarks liz tew
git a good chance tew tell what know
about " jersey lightning'' lone Of alco-
hol's imps) as manufacturing as q
metaphysical agent.
Jersey lightning IL cider brandy,
three hours old, still-born, and quicker
than flash. This juice IL drunk raw
by old sports, and makes premoni-
tory and Kissing noize az 1t winds
down the thrut, like IN old he-goosc
setting on eggs, or hot iron stuck
into ice water. Three horns day oV
this Iickker will tan mans Interior
In six months, so that he kan Swollow
o live, six-footed krab, feet fust, and
not waste wink.
Il don't fat q man (cider brandy
lon't) like whisky duz, but FUCKERS
him UP like fried potatoze. II man
kan survive the fust three years OF Jer-
sey lightning, he IL safe then for the
next Is years tew cum, and keeps look
ing every day more like three-year-
old red pepper pod, hotter and hotter:
An old cider brandy drinker will
steam In q sudden shower ov rain,
iike a nile ov stable manure, and his
breath smells like the bunghole OF 4
rum cask lately emptied.
When Jersey liShtning IL fust born,
n tastes like bileing turpentlne anu
csvenne. balf-and-half, and will raize
a blood blister oil 4 pair ov old Eow-
hide brogans In l5 minnits, and ap-
nlied externally, will cure the ruma-
tism or kill the patient, forget which.
The ft,st horn a man takes ov this
Kicker will make him think he has
swallowed gas light, and he will so
ont behind the barn and try tew die,
but kant. The eyes of an old cider
brandist look like deep gashes Ellt into
a ripe tomato, his noze IL the Hon,
plexshun ov n half-biled lobster, and
the grizzle in hiz gullet sticks out like
an elbo in a tin leader.
The more villainous the drink the
nore inveterate are those who drink 1t.
I can't tell yer whether cider brandy
will shorten an old suckers days or
not, for they generally outlive all the
resi- of the na6ors, and die just rs soon
as the tavern stand changes hands anu
IL opened on temperance principles.
One bottle oy sassaparilla or ginger
popp Is as fatal tew these old fellers az
q riAe ball Is to = bet-bus.
/ would do almost ennything but
murder tew save yung man from Jer-
sey lightning. but trying tew save an
old one Is like trying to put the hre
out ov holler log; you mite as well
let it burn up, for the ashes Is worth
more than the log.