The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1870-01-28
Funny Paragraphs.

Nh"J a"f"f
Josh Billings has never heard of the
same man hankerin for some billed crow 2
times"
Why is kissing your sweetheart like
eating soup with o forkP Because It takes
a long time to get enough.
The New York Evening Post says that
from the number Of weddings occurring
nowadays it will hardly do to say that
marriages are contracted.
Mother, said Jemina, "Sam wants 10
como counting ms tonight. " swell, what did
You tell him" ooh, l told him he might
cone. 1 felt anxious to see how he would
act"
-"GoiDg2 Why to the opewa, Of course.
Always go 20 the opewa. Doosid nice, yah
know. Pawepa Wosa yer" fine. yaw know
splendid voice and ~bust-always go to
the opewa."
AT a ma rage ceremony in Wexford,
r. l., lately, the groom became impatient
during tho extended prayer, and interrupt
ed the clergyman with-"Elder, amt that
bout enough!
Said a younster in high cleo, display
ing his purchase to q bosom friend on the
sidewalk: ''rwo ~cocoanuts for ten cents
that will make mo sick tomorrow, and ]
won't have to go to school"
josh Billings on preaching: 81 always
advise short sermons, especially on a hot
Sunday. If minister kant strike lilo in 40
minutes, he has either got a poor Rimlet OF
else he is boring in the rong place"
"A few years ago an ingenious gentle
mar managed TO get drunk free of expense
almost daily in the streets Of London by
falling down in n ft, with a placard on his
breast, Don't bleed me, but give me o
glass Of brandy and water"
"A sailor passing through q graveyard,
saw on one of the tombstones, 81 still live.
This was too much for Jack, who shifting
his quid, calculated: "Well, I've heard
say there are cases in which q man may
lie; but If l was dead, I'd own il.
"A clergyman last summer visited the
celebrated Hoosac Tunnel, and encounter
ed a sprightly looking Irshmnn. who, in
reply to the question, 'Do you think THU
work will pay p promptly replied, Faith.
no But thin, it'll be a great ornament e
society"
"A handsome young bride WAS observed
TO be in deep reflection on her wedding
day. One of her bridesmaids asked he
the subject Of her meditations. 81 wal
thinking" she replied, (which of my ole
hNhhA ohNhAh meAAJ a. a ahbeAa
widow"
-Hair-cloth shirts, 10 take the place o
hoops, have recently been imported. Their,
is a Aoupce around the bottom in rount
plaits on oil except tho front breadth, anI
the upper part Of the back has rolls Of IN,
material, for n quarter Of a yard, in imita
ton Of the hustle.
The remarks of the rude boys VIII,
vyaNahaI lln .NVtv.1a Oh N1,a VnugEaA hall a
New York were indelicate: Look Mt then
lc~gs-hlteen dollars a pair !" Take gu
that sawdust T. "Give that boy q pair Q
breeches l' we're the salutes to the scantil
attired ladies as they entered the festiv
hall.
"A German thus describes an accident
"Vonce, a long vile ago, i vent into min
abble orchard TO climb q bear tree 10 g
some beaches to make mine vrow n buC
! ding init; and ven l gets on the tobermoI
branch l vail from the lowermost limb, IN
: one leg on both sides Of the fence, and liz
to stove mine outsides n"
= "A colored man engaged TO answer Il
bell at q residence in indianapolis on Ne
Years Day, was discovered attempting
prevent the entrance Of q gentleman WI
did not tender his card. Tholady rebukC
him, but the boy excused himself by sa
. ing that he thought she would lose mon,
y for a good many had already COMO in wit
" out tickets !"
o "A California lady, indignant at Il
manner in which Miss Dickinson talk
about the girls OF the Pacific coast, pr
duces the following:
n OF the girls on this coast, from Miss Dickinson
tongue,
Ia A stranger might judge in harsh manner;
lint We EuOVV tho nOur thing has M Qirla of N
own
And that's what's the matter with Anna.
-"Who's that gentleman, my little man
d was asked ofan urchin.
THAT one with the spike-tailed coati'
l. eyes" was the response.
b "Why, he's q brevet uncle of mine"
CLOVIS that2" wal asked.
Il "Because he's engaged TO my aunt Mary