, 1870-09-11
TIT-BITS.

| When arc flower 4Peds like the F;,.. :, 3.
| When they are ge1minatius-,Gesnaa t,.-
ipg.)
IT There rel : sou onc thing which can alsa:, ;,,
1t WAS woman who fist rron,n:a,. E,,u
to cat. Int he took to drink on lsi- owa ~.
| coun: afttrwari.
| "a bird Oh the roast ia worth tw, ". IL.
| root.
-tShirgle.wed1inSs are becoming ,,-l.
'9E*l!e in Iowa. They occur NEt ! H. IL.
chile is old enough to spank
III you want your neighbora to '.-wa:,,
about YOU, give party, and don't i: - u.
folks who live next door
The Rritith policy in In1ia-rro,, :,,..,
native Iiindostrr.
a birthstone match-Plu,o's ustr:,s-
with rrnseEpine.
~ man can't help what is done hv,,,nl
ils BACK, as the scamp raid when Lr va
| kicked ont Of doors.
rev professional hatlee. snd some one la;r. :
y suggests pnmp in active motion.
] =" Mr wife. said q critic. '' is the ms:
esen-tempered lerson IN the world-she ~
| always mad"
| - Bury me in Pompadour wait, cut III
girl.
These yonpg women's boat r.ce4 are
mock-l,e-lowics.
| Why is a mans trademark like certain
lesdinE Frussisn: Because it is ''bix"
| mark. The author nf the above leaves wife
aEd twelve small children.
run thinks the deg could have dispensed
WITH the ars, because lie might have Sc: up i
| bark himself
| Dear Mutson-A tender line Of Lamb rc-
graph eale in London.
| Il little girl. looking at a picture of Eve
IN lEstan gallery, exrlalmed: " Oh. mother!
sloula think that WOMAN would be afraid OF
! gras-toprers."
Footprints On the sands Of time-Crows'
feet.
Waiter. this hit of turbot is not as e7ol
81 that you gave u- last week" Visitor. :" iie:
pardon, rir; iss on the very same tish.
SAKE esys thst t'1aws, like eausagcr.
cease 10 insriEe respect in proportion As Vi
know how they are made
-1ntrenchments are the first care in wa.-
| retreuchme ntt in peace.
| What IVES the first bet made T,:e
| 0lphd-tet-
"A contemporary objects to the custom -
! those Western packers who think ,!,at DIS
cased cattle salted down are NECESSARILY
! ''cured mezt:-"
! . Tho diff. -enco between viet1r lir=.,
" Iras ai!:tur- dc Ia Mer" ard Chinese ii .ll-
tcrs II. :tat the first are to1ers of tho ets A.,
! the laet aFc Eoilers OF the ten.
| "A young lady in 0ellknrh Was lately r:r-
Feuted With m elegant catt-case Ev one ", h.E
aln.,rcrs. 4 few days af:eEwari. while rt1w-
! HE n ~ lAHE AEleFus SHG TEu13tkGh fHE
;" el.e wished he had gwen 1scr larger .n.
| deck ~
| An Albany danlscl asked ono Of her fe.L,w-
hoArlers. ftyllsh dry gonils clerk, a, tie
breakfast table, why + .our mo,,-iarl4,
like my back fa,r - He tlnshinsi: sav, u
up. wren the auswer ca::seI Inn to blush
still more ~ Because it'4 al dotrn.
An l1iEhnan, after euioyin: wa:rrnle! II
fur the INIT time i'll tl,is country, l,ae- i
Ief n.
were 20 srod ahen green, how mach is.;:..
! they mist be when rine -
The difficulty Of exp.ess;n. OIL = sr!. u. A
foreign language is illustrated tAy The sc;a4Ars
CT German Gis'. who Nrns 10 s.''.s ii',- 10y
baby. and. in endea.o:inr 10 express her II
rairasion. said. "Oh m:. what ..is,. IL.
labee. How fst sh,. ii. t'or't l.e:''
y curt erisaph i'll Western el.urt'. sa.i
reacs thus =
II lI-rc ltss ot. sat,cr.
| And fhA;'$ what's r:n. Htlit"1"
Young Hopeful =. T-h-a-t. Teacher
well 2: No answer Teacher jcn-a,,ray--
inclst-'. T-h-a-t spells What = Yonre II ,;,,-
tuf sbr;skas}-" Oh. docs ii: thought l:
| spels that" TEACHER cultar...s.
| A rural ErSlishwoman hat the riyl: liza
when. finding herself unAl 1e 80 Nl,i! he. :,us-
aud, size shouted to her sou who was ~
stains in I'd: ''l'il! CONC down sfai1- au.,i i
t!l fe.iher. or e1se h'll bc tn nlass,rr u III
| whole l,Gslre.''
The Ladies tGod bless 'er.) Keep fai,a-
fnl!y in mina that cl,nse III the con- -i.tE, an.
and th.ir own. uli:h declared tic r,:tt II
bare ann. shall not l,c infEinGc.l.
| Mrs l.au.a c: HOLLOWAY has prepared Il
new lecture. entitled g. The FERRIS Of tin
Iinur-" This may refer to the European war,
but more probably to the jute-iug.
| Creditor - How often must climb .hrcs
pair OF sthir- before ger tie amount o: ,h,-
little account Debtor ''D' jill think
an gong to rent place on = t. st door u ac
y.tlyS, S,tD,I,I Int aTy1t. oraI1ft =
The bathing bellies at tho watering-,lacss
| are called dlyc-in-ities.
! "A gentleman had littla u,a1l!c .tat,,ctte
| Of CUPID III the rarlor of his rntintry-liuurc
Indigenous to the region, hooking rcnsss.iy
a, the figure. asked the lady OF rho hou-.. il
tha: was a ttatoo Of her drceaseI .nfah,:
-''I have great Lore for old hy tn,-. eaid
| pretty Etfl to her masculine companion II
an much fondeF Of souns herr was the Es-
ply.
Wife" eaid broker. few days since.
"do yon think shnll ever lie worth 80. .HM:
''Aiut worth that to yo1: said tn" ton::,l-
ing spouse. "i-e.s, saia the other l.a:t Int
| i can't put ron ont at interest"
When Iot's wife was turned to salt. hs
| took fresh one
| -a1odetty in woman is like color on Tho
cheelm,decieely becoming. il not 2,.: 81.
r6nd for pound Of tea or coffee to thu. sr,-
cery man. it falls several ounces ehot; :"
.'Oh. is's ju+t way he has-''
| All cannot lie feir in love and war. If y.a
maIry dark woman or black your oploaet.;'=
"a recent sermon Of Srurgeon's contains 4
sentence which will he aH mHcl appreciated
Eere ~ III England: ''Eretl.rcu, raid Spu.
Eeon. ii God had referred the ark to C.,a..
rttee on Naval Adairs. in my opinion it
wonla not have bt en- built vet"
| Aware OF tie Crisis-Serscant .1u.k,ax-
ham (more in torrow than anger.> .Ha!s
| 0 man hummer three. wunner t1c see r..
Hon can ye think Foreign Powers c1S ever
respect &c. il Sc will persist in steppin t.reo
| inches less than the rcge!ntion. .-IiEnrh.
| -One Of the amnsenaents at l. ,nE Brln-il
is to watch tue New Jersey mosquitoes epeu
| CLAIMS with tLcir bills. on the eheEe. Several
| OF these 1reful fneccts are being 1on,estlca.sd
and taught to pinch nvet holes III steam
boiterx.
| The man at tho wheel who ports hls helm
| when it should be starboartf, and SO runs into
another vessel. not only makes bull but also
| wild eteer.
! -''Are these pure canares :" asked young
gentleman vino WAS negotiating for Gift for
his fair. Yes, sir" enid the dealer, conf
den'isllE; - raised them ere birds from ca
nary seed."
"A widower wss recently rejected hr dam
sci who Didn't want q "war1ned over msn.
|. When does the rain become too familiar
to lady? When it begins to pa:ter on her
back
The opening chapter Of Western novel
contains The following: IAN OF 8 sudden
the fair girl continued 10 cit upon the sand,
gazing upon the hripr deep, on whose heav-
ing bosom the tall ships went me1rily by.
freighted-ah! ~ho can tell With how mI:!l
OF JOY and so1tow, and pine. and lunaber. ani
cmigrap:s. and hoors, hnd .alt fieh..~
-An 1rithnan went in great grief 10 J
ntighbor 10 get some Of the women to i,v Ii.
grandmother out for burial. Aeccr,iiSs:y,
that night couple Of the ladies' went over,
when. to their great astoni-hmeut. the NAL
met them At the gate, informing them. y No
huEEy. she itnt dead jist vet Eut vr may be-
| gln blan' the water to wash her.
William Rowe was arrested in Western
town the other day for beatirs his VIE WIKI
hoe-at il ! man hadn't right 10 noe Lis
own Rowe
A few days 7go New Bedford lady. who
lives. near church H. IN thst sisS. II Eas slt-
WITCH were loudly chipping, the music from
tbr choir rchcarsiug being family audible,
when gentleman dropped in familiar!E, who
iad inrt passed the church door, and hsd tue
ass apa sp.tine lin + tonight!" eaid he Yes, re r.
Piled the lady :. and it is said they do it with
! ;Ecir hind leEs!
The 1'orflsud Transcript saye the follow
ipe inscripiion is to be found in graveyard
much widowed man to the memory Of his
four wives, whom he thus economically con-
s,Gns t. et:rnal bliss in two lines:
Here lies susan. Bsise5, Rehecca and Jane.
/ Forever and ever In Heaven to reign"
That was cheerful Fifteenth Amend
uent, who. when he WIS arrested for eteal-
Ing half carcaes OF mutton from = stall, put
il Is defence, that since la became voter
he onght TO - take sides somewhere.''
a minister out West vouches for the fol-
le*lpg: Kansas girl was standing Land-in-
hAEd With her lover. with, eyes and mouth
1 ha nF 81,