The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-06-23
HARD TO BEAT-Carpet.
THE KITCHEN GANE-POker


AN agreeable person is defined Gas one
who agrees with you"
THEATRICAL MEM-The first walking
gentleman Adam.-Fun.
How to get the exact weight of fish
Weigh him in mis- own scales.
A TEXAS murderer wants his execution
delayed because he is in poor health.
SOMETHING that most people would like
little lOnger-strawberry short cake.
The Boston Journal says: decoration
Day with the ladies lasts the year round"
THE Washington Life avoids the faults
of both mutual and stock companies.
| THE tickets for the grand ball given the
Boston excursiOnists in San Francisco
! were $50 each.
Four boxes govern the world-the car
fridge box, the ballot box, the jury box,
and the band box"
| SOMEBODY advertises, as found in At
lanta, Ga, IAN accomplished young lady's
| silk parasOl"
| THE President of the oldest Life Insur-
ance Company in New York is insured in
the Washington Life.
A vINEGAR-HEARTED old bachelor says
i
riages" for the news of the Wsdk.
IT is said that the reason there are so
many muttonheads in existence is to be
found in the fact that such number of
children are "perfect little lambs"
A WORTHY missionary in India says that
his congregation had not yet experienced
any trouble from the pew system, as they
were accustomed to sit on the ground
A FOOLISH fellow advised friend not
to marry poor girl, as he would find
matrimony without money uphill work F"
Goose" said his friend, Il would rather
60 up hill than down, any time"
"I say" said Yankee to an Irishman
who was digging in garden, "are You
digging out a hole in that onion bed ?"
NO" said Pat, Pm digging out the dirt
and leaving the hole"
A WASHINGTON belle says: ain walk
| ing up long room when the women who
don't like you are looking at your back,
there is moral support conveyed by a
Paris dress not to be derived from the
firmest religious principles"
LOVERS of tobacco are now designated
"TObaccophagoi," and the qualification of
their tastes in this regard, which ignorant
people call "chawin," or "smOkin'," is
henceforth to be known as tobacco
phagonism."
A RICH old uncle who had two nephews
| left his will as follows: "To my nephew
William, leave my whole fortune, be-
cause know he will bestow it on the
| poor To my nephew Albert, L leave moth
ing, for the Sdne TelSOn.'
TIE Rev. Peter Cartwright, of Illinois,
having been an itnerant Methodist preach
er for sixty-six years, and Presiding
Elder for fifty-one, has become feeble, and
says he cant preach any more; all he
can do is to talk"
A TRAVELLER who has crossed the At
lantic, tells story of storm, when the
rain poured down in such torrents that
the ocean rose ten inches. There no mis-
take" said he, because the captain kept
a mark on the side of the vessel"
IN the old time a Connecticut pastor
declined an addition of 800 to his salary
for the reason, among others, that the
hardest part of his labor, heretofore, had
been the collection of his salary, and it
would kill him to try to collect 800
more.
For the night sweats of consumption, a
leading Partisan physician employs phos
plate of lime, in daily doses of from thirty
to ninety grains, with success, it is said.
This suggests that perhaps q limestone re-
gion is good place of residence for a
consumptive.
A YOUNG gentleman recently found
himself in company with three young
ladies, and generously divided an orange
amongst them. You will rob yourself"
exclaimed one of the damsels "Not at
all" replied the innocent; 81 have three
or four more in my pocket ~
THE New York Express says: "Tho
types are compelled to make many awk-
ward mistakes, but none more awkward
than that which made us say that Olive
Logan had married her uncle when we
had written 'sprained her ankle For
tunately, it did not get out before the
public"
A YOUNG lawyer at Eatontown, N. j.,
in the midst of a brilliant Outburst of elO-
quence, was interrupted by shriil voice,
which yelled, stop you lie. Stop YOU
lie." Young legality smOothed his ruflled
feathers when the Sheriff announced that
1t was only parrot in neighbOring
house.
A POSER
Say, which enjoys the greater blisses
| Jonn. who Dorindas picture kisses.
| or Tom, his friend. the favored elf,
| VINO kisses fair DOrindas self?
Faith tits not easy TO divine,
While both are thus with rapture fainting,
To which the balance should incline,
Since Tom and John both kiss painting
ONE OF the fre-engine horses in At
lanta, Ga, was sick the other day, and the
boys employed another leaving him in
his place in the engine-hOuse when
: they were called out. After they had
gone, Joe, the horse, became restless, and
in a short time broke his halter and gal
lOped off to the fire, where he took his
place beside his mate and remained quite
) cOntented
Mrs MARY POWELL, in her lecture on
the Indians, makes a curious statement
concerning children, who are fastened &c
birch bark and their limbs kept confined
till they are two years cid. al have
SEEM she says. "as many rs two hundred
OF them together at one time, and nc
, noise came from their lips. They are
healthy and comfortable, and have no need
, to cry. Their arms of course are not con
fined, only their bodies and legs"
A LYNN, Mass, correspondent men
: tons little incident of ID. f. and Bob G.
5 The latter had applied for admission to an
orthodox church. His occupation was
that of n cobbler, and an indifferent cob.
bier he was at that After church f.
beckoned one of the deacons across the
street, and said "Well, Deacon, Bob G.
wants to join our meeting" Yes; dc
you know anything against him?' "Well
no; but before you take final vote on
him, I'd just like to show you job OF
cobbling he did for me; that's ALL
| JOSU RIIJJNaS Tins sDeaka of a now
agricultural implement, to which the at
tentiOn OF farmers is invited "Jobn Rog
ers' revolving, expanding, unceremonious
? self-adjusting, se'fcontrakting, self sharp
: ening, self greasing and selfrighteou'
boss rake IL now and forever offered teu
} q generous publik. These rakes are a;
/. eaZv tn keen in renair az a hifchinn r,nof