The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-08-04
HoYT & CO., Proprietors.
TAKING THE CENSUS
The Chicken Mans Experience in the Talla-
pOOSa District.
BY THE AUTHOR OF "s1MoN sUGGs."


ployed to take the last census, was very
difficult work. The popular impression, that
tremendous tax would soon follow the minute
investigation of the private affairs OF the peo-
ple. caused the census-taker to be viewed IN
no better light than that of tax-gatherer-
and the consequence was, that the information
sought by him was either withheld entirely or
given with great reluctance. The returns,
therefore, made by the marshal, exhibited a
very imperfect view of the wealth and indus
trial progress of the country. In some por-
tions of the country the excitement against the
unfortunate officers-who were known as the
stchicken men"-made it almost dangerous for
them to proceed with the business OF taking
the census; and bitter were the taunts, threats
and abuse which they received on all hands,
but most particularly from the old women OF
the country. The dear old souls could not
bear to be catechised about the produce OF
their looms, poultry yards and dairies and
when they did "come down" upon the unfor-
tunate inquisitor, it was with force and volu-
bility that were sure to leave an impression.
We speak from experience and feeling, on this
subject; for it so happened that the Marshal
of the Southern District of Alabama, "repo-
sing especial confidence" in our ability, invest
ed US one day with all the powers OF assistant
marshal; and arming us with the proper guam
tity of blanks, sent US forth to count the noses
of all the men, women, children and chickens,
resident upon those nine hundred square miles
of rough country which constitute the county
of Tallapoosa. Glorious sport thought we !;
but it didn't turn out SO.
True, we escaped without any drubbings, al
though we came unpleasantly near catching a
dozen, and only escaped by very peculiar
knack we have of sliding OUT" but then we
were quizzed, laughed at, abused and nearly
drowned. Children shouted: 'Yonder goes
him, he'll be after the tares soon," and the old
women threatened, if he came to inquire about
their chickens, ''to set the dogs on him." while
the young women observed ''they didn't know
what man wanted to be so particular about
gals ages for, without he was a gwine court
in" We have some "reminiscences OF our
official peregrinations that will do to laugh at
now, although the occurrences with which they
are connected were, at the time, anything but
mirth-inspiring to US.
We rode up one day to the residence of a
widow rather past the prime of life-just that
period at which nature supplies most abun-
dainty the oil which lubricates the hinges of
the female tongue-and hitching to the fence,
walked into the house.
"Good morning, madam" said We in our
anu SOUlcMudt
"Mornin'," said the widow, gruffy.
Drawing our blanks from their case, we pro-
ceeded-'I am the man, madam, that takes the
census, and"
"The mischief you :src?" said the old ter
magant. eyes, Pve hearn of you; Parson
W. told me you was coming and told him
jist what l tell you, that if yu said cloth,
soap ur Chickens to me, I'd set the dogs on
We. Here. Bull here, Pomp!'
Two wolfish ours responded to the call for
Bull and Pomp, by coming to the door, smell
ing at our feet with slight growl, and then
laid down on the steps.
"Now," continued the old savage, "them's
the severest dogs in this country. Last week
Bill Stoneckers two year old steer jumped my
yard fence, and Bull and Pomp TUX him by the
throat, and they killed him afore my boys
could break 'em loose, to save the world"
EYES, ma'am," said we, meekly; "Bull and
Pomp seem to be very fine dogs"
"You may we'll say that; what l tells them
to do they do-and if l was to sick 'em on
your old hoss yonder, they'd eat him up afore
you could say Jack Robertson. And it's jist
what 1 shall do, if you try to pry into my con-
earns. They are none of your business, nor
Van Buren's nuther, reckon. Oh, old Van
Banbdren / wish 1 had you here, you old
rascal I'd show you what-Pd-Pd make
Bull and Pomp show you how to be sendin
out men to take down, what little stuff peoples
got, jist to tax it, when its taxed enough al
ready |"
Ali this time we were perspiring through
fear of the fierce guardians of the old widows
portal. At length, when the widow paused,
we remarked that as she was determined not
to answer questions about the produce of her
farm, we would just set down the age, sex, and
complexion of each member of her family.
4"No sick a thing-you'll do no sich a
thing" said she "Ive got five in family, and
that's all you'll git from me. Old Van Buren
TO send you to take down how old my children
is Pve got five in my family, and they are
all between five and hundred years old !;
they are all plaguy sight winter than you,
and whether they are he or she, is none of your
concarns."
We told her we wopld report her to the
Marshal and she would be fined, but it only
augmented her wrath
ayes send your Marshal, or your Mr. Van
Buren, here, if you're bad off to-letcm come"
Looking as savage as a Bengal tigress-"Oh,
wish he woud comc"-and her nostrils
dilated, and her eyes gleamed-"Td cut his
head off p
"That might kill him." we ventured to re-
mark, by way ola joke.
Kill him kill hinl-oh-if had him here
by the gears reckon l ,could kill him. A
pretty fellow to be eating his vittifs outn gold
spoons that pore peoples taxed for, and raisin'
an army to get him made king of Ameriky-
the oudacious, nasty, sinking old scamp ?"-
She paused moment, and then resumed,
"And now, mister, jist put down what l tell
you on that paper, and don't be telling no lies
to send to Washington city. Jst put down
Judy Tompkins, ageable woman and four
children"
We objected to make any such entry, but
the old hag vowed it should be done, to pre-
vent any Misrepresentation of her case. We,
pealed to the couchant whelps, Bull and
Pomp. At the first glimpse of their teeth, our
courage gave way, and we made the entry in