The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1870-01-28
A Quaker Detective.

A Quaker Detective.
We were five passengers In all; two In
dies on the back seat, n middle-aged gen.
tleman and Quaker on tho middle, and
myself on the one In front.
The two ladies might have been mother
and daughter, aunt and niece, governess
and charge, or might have sustained any
other relationship which made 1t proper
for two ladies to travel together unattend'
ed.
The middle-aged gentleman was spright-
" and laxative. He soon struck up an
acquaintance with tho ladies, toward whom
in his zeal to do. he rather overdid, the
agreeable II bowling, and smiling, and
chattering over his shoulder In n way
painfully suggestive, at his time of life. OF
n "crick" In the neck. He was evidently
n gay Lothario.
The Quaker wore the uniform of his
sect, and confined his speech. rs many a
parliamentarian would save his credit by
doing, to simple 'ycas" and nays" AS
for myself made II IN invariable rule OF
the road to be merely looker-on and lis
tener. ......
Toward evening I vas aroused from
one of those reverics into which young
man, without being. either q poet or a
lover, will sometimes fall, by the abrupt
query from the talkative gentleman.
"Are you armed, sirp"
81 am not" / answered, astonishcd, no
doubt, visibly, at tho question.
81 am sorry to hear it." he replied; ''for
before reaching our stopping place 1t will
he several hours in the night, and we must
pass over portion of the road on which
more than one robbery is reported to have
been committed"
The ladies turned pale, but the stranger
did his best To reassurc them.
"Not that / think there Is the slightest
danger at present." he resumed; "only
when one is responsible for the safety OF
ladies, you know, such thing rs pistol
in reach would materially add to ones
confidence"
"Your principles, my friend" address
ing the Quaker. 81 presume arc rs much
opposed to carrying rs to using carnal
weapons
"Yea," was tho response.
"Haye the villains murdered any Of
their victimsp" the elder lady nervously
inquired. ., .,
"Or have they been content with-with
plundering thenp" added tho younger in
u tirnorois voice.
Decidedly the latter" tho amiablc
gentleman hastened to give assurance
'.and as we are none of prepared to offer
resistance in case of attack, nothing worse
than robbery can befall u.s."
Then, after blaming his thoughtlessncss
in having unnecessarily introduced disa-
greeable subject, the gentleman quite ex-
celled himself in efforts to raise the spirits
of the company, and succeeded so well
by the time night set in that all had quite
forgotten, or only remembered their fears
to laugh ut them. :,
Our genial companion fairly talked
himself hoarse. Perceiving which, he
took from his pocket package of newly
invented 'cough candy" and, after pass
ing it first to the ladies, he helped him.
self to the balance, and tossed the paper
out of the window.
He was in the midst of high encomium
on the new rostrum, more than half the
efficacy of which, he insisted. depended
on its being taken by suction, when shrill
whistle was heard, and almost immediate
" tho coach stopped, while two faces. hid
cously blackened, presented themselves,
one mt each window.
"Sorry to trouble you," said tho man on
tho right, acknowledging with bow two
lady-like screams from the back seat, "but
business Is business" and ours will soon
DO over. If things 60 smoothly"
"Of course, gentlemen, you will spare,
rs far rs may be consistent with your dis
agreeable duty, the feelings OF these Ia
dies" appealed the polite passenger, In
his blandcst manner.
.'Oh! certainly; they shall be first at
tended to, and shall not be required to
leave their places, or submit to search.
unless their conduct renders 1t necessary.
"And now, ladies'" continued the rob
Der, the barrel of his pistol cleaning in
the light of the coach.lamp, "be so good
rs to pass out your purses, watches, and
such other trinkets rs may be accessible
without too much trouble"
The ladies came down handsomely. and
were no further molested.
One by one the rest of us were COM
PEELED to get out, the middle-agcd gentle.
mans turn coming first. He submitted
with winning grace, and was robbed
like very Chesterfield.
Ny own affair, like tho sum l lost was
not worth mentioning. The Quakcr's
turn came next. He quietly handed over
his pocket-book and watch. and when
asked If he had any other valuables said,
"Nay."
A Quaker's word Is good even among
thieves so, afler hasty goodnight" tho
robler thrust his pistol in his pocket, and,
with his two companions, one of whom
had held the rcins Of tho leaders, was
about taking his departure.
.'Stop 7" exclaimed the Quaker In tone
moro of command than request.
"Stop! what for?" returned tho other In
evident surprise.
"For Mt least two good reasons" was
the reply, emphasized with n couple OF
Dcrringers cooked and presented.
"Ilelpw shouted tho robber.
"Stopw the Quaker again exclaimed.
"And II one of thy sinful companions nd.
yances step to thy relief, the spirit will
surely move me to blow thy brains out"
The robbcr ut the opposite window and
the one Mt the leaders heads thought 1t u
good time to leave.
"Now, get in, friend" saidt Quaker,
still covering his man, ..and take the mid
die scat (; hut first deliver up thy pistol"
The other hcsitated.
"Thco had better not delay. / feel the
spirit beginning to move my right fore
finger"
The robber did rs he was directed, and
the Quaker took his place by his side, Civ
ing the newcomer the middle OF the seat.
The driver, who was frightened half
out of his wits. now set forward Mt u rap
ID rate. The lively gentleman soon rccov-
cred his vivacity. He was especially In
cetious on the Quaker's prowess.
"You're rum Quaker. you are