Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-05-13

And not flr worldly lame;
IT'S my command the ablet bear e., .
The pious Widows name" a%S-H %.
Hu,nor .:-r-g& 5
A swell of the first water-the ocean.
Powder is a nice thing-in horn. }f
Old men are moved down, but babies are
Graded. 4t.l fssg11g 0.Ei"-r'-f
The product of pale brandy is often red
nose.
The most popular wcman's paper-a pa
per Of pins. ,-I~.l.5frts
The petroleum men are great bores, but
they mean we'll ... ...-., ~.
A young mans affections are not always
wrong, but they are generally Miss placed.
Dinner for nothing is good fun but you
can't say as much of nothing for dinner.
Centcnarian-a fellow who. has nary
cent .~.as rs57s st,ds 3. 3a4.
If men are the salt Of the earth, why can't
pretty girls be the sugar ,4oH .sa-'a7 4
very greedy boy-the one who recently
took the measels from his little sister.
A Goldfish breakfast and an India rubber
overcoat will keep a man dry all day
10 keep out of debt-acquirc the reputa-
ton of rascal and no one will trust you
"A kiss said a French lady, costs, less
and grati6es more than anything else in ex
istence.'
In pocket-picking. as in almost every
thing else, man never succeeds till he gets
his hand in.
Which can travel the fastest, heat or
cold?' Why, you Ounce can't anybody
catch cold !?
New Bedford brags of a pointer that came
to dead stand the other day before door
plate inscribed "A Partridge
Figaro says that a legal popularity Of the
West is that all the lawyers are judges, and
none Of the judges are lawyers.
An old bachelor says that every woman is
in the wrong until she cries-and then she
isinthe right instantly. q
Some one aays that the boarding house
Keepers must be very religious people, as
they keep Lent all the year round.
God made us men was inscribed npon a
wagon filled with women at the Fifteenth
Amendment jubilee in Louisville. ...
The very climax Of superfuous benevo-
lence has been declared to be that Of hold
X ,o1,
Land is SO cheap in Arkansas that, you
have to look sharp or they will smuggle an
extra forty acres or SO into the decd Il
A poor man being i'll, on being asked by
q gentleman whether he had taken any rem
edy, replied. No, I amt taken any remedy.
but I've taken lots Of physic.'' q..ss-
Counting is an irregular active transitive
verb, indicative mood, present tense, third
person, singular number. and agrees with
all the girls-don't it !? aAfa4
My yoke is easy and my burden is light
heart was sitting in his lap, with her arms
around his neck. .... ....r
A lady teacher, advertising for situa-
ton. says she speaks all the modern Ian
guages, and is perfect mistress of her
- tongue
An English writer thinks the American
early potatoes will come to an end ere long,
for as each new variety is claimed to ripen
about ten days earlier than any other, the
time between planting and digging will soon
be used up. "A
~ CAUSE AND ErFFcT.- boy of twelve
DINING at, his uncle's made such a good
dinner that his aunt observed = g.5
Johnny, you appear to eat well"
Eyes. aunt, replied the urchia, five
been practising eatipg all my life" Il
g The Springfield Republican speaks of
an agent sent to collect funds for a college,
who, on reporting after he came back, an
excess of expenses over subscriptions, added:
But, gentlemen Ihaye found great en-
enlargement to pray" 81. ..rtl-
Host (who had just finished carving
.sprkey)-"Will you have a piece of the
dark meat. or a small piece; of the white
meat p Hungry guest (who is addicted to
the habit of plain speaking)-"Thank you,
III take large piece of both"
X A young man, met rival who was some
what advanced in years, and wishing to an
noy him, inquired how old he was. II can't
exactly tell" replied the other, 'sbut [ can
inform you that an ass is older at twenty
then man at sixty ,aes
- They have sharp lawyers down East
One Of them, marketing for dinner, asks
poultry dealer:
Is your turkey a young one % 70
Eyes, sir.''
''Will you take your oath of it 2"
2 Certainly, I will" +
Lawyer administers the oath, charged |
dollar for his service, and takes his nav in
poultry. .r... -.--.-.
RECEIPT FOR FINDING A HUSBAND More
common sens and less wit.
More useful occupation and less music.
More study of the Mysteries Of the kitch-
en- and less Of the Mysteries Of Paris
More proof to men that they will find in
their wife helpmeet and not an embarrass-
ment.
The recipe, if thoroughly tried, will
greatly lesson the number of bachelors.