The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-11-29

spelt that.
BGE~ II go through my work, SO the
needle said to the idle boy. Z But not
until you are hard pushed" said the idle
boy to the needle. R@
pss" Daniel Purcell was desired one
night in company to make pun extern
pore. "What subjectY said Dam
"The King" answred the other. ".Oh,
the King is no subject"
Ba5- In recent trial of case for as
sault and battery, the counsel said aI
Will now introduce an eyewitness of the
affair, Samuel Smith" aWhat is your,
occupation, sir?" "Blind beggar."
Dagr Susan B. Anthony has been
speaking good deal lately and has
caught what is called minister's sore
throat" She has never been able, how
ever, to catch the minister himself.
BG~ A Vermont girl wants to know if
the woman's rights movement includes
the right to do the courting. Fit does,
she is in for it, as the men in her vicinity
are very bashful. There is something
practical in that. r7-
B@gn What are-you about?' inquired
lunatic of cook, who was industriously
stripping the feathers from fowl.
Dressing chicken" answered the cook.
81 should call this undressing" said the
crazy fellow, in reply. The cook looked
reflective.
D3~ A gentleman fond of using high
flown language, sometimes made very
laughable mistakes He had the honor
of presiding at Sunday school celebra-
tion, and after one of the speeches. he ad-
dressed the audience, telling them that
they would now have " some vocal music
on the brass band"
Bas~ One Doctor Duncan received
severe injury from something in the
shape of COW skin, somewhere in the
neighborhood of Cincinnati "Where
were you hurt, doctor?" said a friend.
"Was it near the vertebrae 2" No, mol
said the disciple of Galen; :" 1t was near
the race course"
gD~ An Israelite lady, sitting in the
same box at an opera with a physician,
was much troubled with ennui, and hap
pened to cape. Excuse me madam"
said the doctor. 81 am glad you did
not swallow me-"
Give yourself no uneasiness," replied
the lady, :" am Jewess, and never eat
pork"
pay~ Not long since, one of the learned
counsel in small suit deemed it neces-
sary to shake the testimony of a Mr..
Samuel Butterworth, by impugning his
veracity. A witness was called to the
stand. DO you know Samuel Butter
worth ?" Yes" What is Butter
worth ?" "Two and ten-pence pound,
although some folks have paid as high as
three shillings."
Ds1~ The Providence Press says that
one of the census enumerators put down
in list twins opposite the names of two
children, and against the first he desgna-
ted Providence as the birthplace Wash
ington sent the list back to have the de-
fciency accounted for. What they wanted
to know was, where the other twin was
born.
DG~ Zerah Colburn, the wonderful boy
calculator, was asked at one of his levees,
as catch question, Knowing the dis
tance pray can you tell me how many
cows tails it would take to reach from
our earth to the moon ?" Nothing daunt-
ed, the boy archly replied eyes sir,
one-if it were long enough !" The au-
dience applauded Zerah's wit and laughed
at his would-be confounder.
D@~ Why, Bill, what's the matter
with you !? You look down in the mouth"
"Well, Peter, I dare say if you'd been
through what l have you'd look bad too"
"What's the matter ?" "Well, you know
Sarah Snivels, don't you Peter % " Yes"
"I discarded her last night" You did
what for 2" "Well, I'll tell you. She
said she wouldn't marry me, and I'd dis
card any girl that would treat me in that
manner"
BSS~ Mary, why did Won kiss vour