Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1870-11-25
All Sorts.

The man who works with will-Thc
Probate judge.
The way to treat man Of doubtfus
credit is to take no note Of him.
The horse is a curious feeder. He eat
best when he hasn't a bit in his mouth.
Cline" says Horace Smith, sis the
vehicle that carries everything NTH moth
ing"
In a game of cards, good deal del
ponds on good playing, and good playing
on good deal.
In pocket picking, as in almost every
thing else man never succeeds until he
gets his hand in.
There is poor fellow in Bangor, Me-,
who says Its working between meals
that's killing him"
An American traveller says that when
the Rev Mr. Sturgeon, Of London, gets
excited he "howls like Wilderness
Josh Billings says: "When teller gets
a goin' down hill, it duz seem Ell tho
everything had been CREASED for the
| kashun."
No more earthquakes arc to be allow
ed in Massachusetts. This is not the
first time that the commonwealth has ex-
PEELED Quakers.
Always do as the sun does, look on the
bright side of everything; for, while it is
just as cheap, it is three times as good
for digestion.
| The following laconic inscription is en-
| graved upon the tombstone OF person
who lived near a church-yard: "Remoy-
ed from over the way"
Mrs. Partington, speaking of the late
Mr.. Partingt N, says: 'Poor fellow! he
was always like Mr.. Micawber, waiting
for somebody to turn him up
The Kaw Indians salt the railroad
| track in order to entice the cattle in front
Of the cars. so they can get the carcasses
| This is reasoning from kaws to effect.
| 4 poor man, who has less than one
year ago had only one suit Of clothes,
went into the newspaper business, and
now has eight suits. Seven Of them arc
for libel
\ Chicago man named John Wilson
has used tobacco for seventy years, dur
ing which time he became the father to
five pairs Of twins A fearful warning
| to tobacco chewcrS.
\ moon-struck youth Of Harrison
county, Indiana, voted half a. sheet of
note paper with lock of vinegar colorcd
hair curled within, instead Of the regular
ticket at the last election.
"Pompey," said gentlemen to his ser
want, Il did not know until to-day that
you were whipped last week" Didn't
you, NASSAU" replied Pompey. II
knowcd it jist de time it occurred"
Milwaukee has sent one of her ngen-
ious citizens 30 the insane asylum, be
cause he had invented and was about to
get patented "a siN-bladcd horse and
leather irving pan" Thus is genius al
ways prosecuted by the ignorant.
4 wellknown furnishing undertaken
for time listened to the remarks of a
commercial agent for a celebrated glue
| finally. he replied 1T is of no conse-
qucncc in my business whc her your glue
adheres or not; my custom rs never come
back"
\ large number of offcolor ladies' in
Tennessee are destitute OF capillary at
! fractions since II carpet Dagger came
| round and sold them a preparation to
stari"hten out their hair. He forgot to
mention that it Strengthened it out by
the roots, but they noticed it in minute
Obediah Dodge, Of Webster, Mass, a
rcfJrmcd topper, has published The follow
ing advertisement in the pare's: Notice
to Liquor Dealers: I hereby forbid all
liquor and beer sellers giving or selling
me any liquor or beer. If they do
! they may consider themselves responsible,
because at another time shall take legal
proceedings against them"
A newspaper clerk, some time ago, sold
fifty papers to a negro, who promised
faithfully to pay for them very soon
The other day the clerk encountered and
dunncd him Look here, YOU freedman
when are YOU going to pay for those pa
pers:" Don't trouble me, boy. don't
trouble me-" replied Cuiiec, assuming an
tIi vi DuNiitNN anu 1T tiit SAINT tl!Ilc -tt'
ting ont of the way. Use taken wild de
bankruptcy use to say muffin more on
dat subject
a burly Teaton, whose taste for beer
could not be disputed, entered an omni-
bus one day with huge mccr,chaum in
his moutl, and taking the only vacant
seat, proceeded to roll forth full volumes
Of smoke. The conductor, seeing this Vi
ol!tion of the rules, stepped up to him
and said no smoking allowed" The
Dtchman, taking his pipe from his mouth
with an air of astonishm mt, thus replied
to the polite conductor: II don't make
no noise ven | schmOkcs"
John b. Cough tells the following story.
though the joke be at bis own expense.
Once while on a lecturing tour through
England he was introduced to a village
audience in these terms: Ladies' and
gentlemen, | ave the 'onor to introduce
to you the distinguished lecturer, Mr.
John b. Cough, who will address us on
the subject of temperance. You know
that temperance is thought to be rather "A
dry subject; but to night as we listen to
our friend, the horator from hover the
hocean, we may 'ope to ave the
miracle of Sampson repeated, and to be
refreshed with water from the Jaw bone
Of a bass"