Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1870-07-15
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

kisses?
WHOEVER is badly sold is apt to look
cheap.
FEW artists can draw pretty mouth I;
still fewer can draw tooth.
A RoNDoUT grocer notifies the public
that he has Knew Syder for Sail"
WHAT horn produces the most discord-
ant musicH The drinking horn.
DocToRs of Law and Medicine insure
in the Washington Life Insurance Com
psny.
To convert an artless maiden into a
heartless one, there only wants she"
"I HAVE not loved lightly" said man
who married a 300-pound widow.
POLICIES become self sustaining in the
Washington Life Insurance Company of
New York.
BLESSED is the pedagogue. In scorch-
ing days, he is the only one who keeps
| school.
The "sportive seer" of daily paper
says; 1--WE do not aspire to the glory of
forete9tng recent events.
A HIsTRIoNIC individual, who has heard
q good deal about the "theatre of war;"
suggests that the back seats must be very
desirable. =
To NEWLY MARRIED CoUPLRs.-Haye
anything for dinner rather than fowl
II you would keep "the skeleton out OF
the cupboard
NoTIcE.-To any one who can saw,
Shoes and socks shock Susan" with
rapidity and fsultless pronunciation, four
times running, large reward will be
paid.
A WAC, passing by house which had
been almost consumed by fire, inquired
whose it was. Being told that it was a
hatters-" All" said he, "then the loss
will be felt"
"BoY !" called out Brown to the waiter
at Sans. Don't call me boy, sir; I'm
no boy, sir," said the latter. "Then 20
as you'd be done by" put in Brown, 'and
don't call this mutton lamb any morep
MAMMA" said an intelligent little girl,
what is the meaning of book being
printed in 12mof" "Why, my dear" re,
piled the mother, "it means the book will
be published in twelve months"
Now, my little boys and girls" said a
teacher, Il want you to be very quiet-so
quiet that you can hear a pin drop" Ina
minute all was silent, when little boy
shrieked, "Let her drop"
"No one would take you for what You
are" said an old-fashioned gentleman. a
day or two ago, to dandy who had more
| hair than brains. "WhyS" was immedi-
ately asked. Because they cannot see
your ears"
THAcKERAY being told that an acquaint-
ance OF his, who was notorious for his
love of beer, had sailed for India, replied,
He was good fellow. Take him for
half-and- half, we shall not look upon his
like again n
Il WILL forfeit my head if / am in
the wrong" exclaimed q warm and tall
orator to the President Montesquieu, in
an argument. II accept it." replied the
philosopher; "any tritie among friends
has value"
In view OF the hot weather last month
Western editor can't see the applicable.
ty of Lowels oft-quoted line:
What ia so rare as a day in Juner'
and suggests an amendment, thus:
What Is so cooked as a day in Juuer'
NOT AT ALL PARTIcULAR-A bachelor
says that all he should ask for in a wife
would be good temper, health, good un-
derstanding, agreeable physiognOmy, good
| figure, good connection, domestic habits,
resources of amusement, good spirits, COZ
Versational talents, elegant manners, and
money
Dr. BEECHER often relate;! the anecdote
OF minister who preached six sermons
to show who Melchisedek was. and closed
his last sermon with the summary: "Apd
so we see, brethren, that we don't know
who Melchisedek was, and that it taint
no matter"
TEE RULING PASSION. A famous usureI
| nj RoTfo hs.arn \ L. -
lessor presented a crucilx to him, with q
view to awaken him to sense of his stu
alton. The dying miser, after examining
the cross with the most minute attention
suddenly exclaimed, "Sir, can lend you
but very small sum on such pledge"
A SICK man in Boston, who noticed hil
little daughter looking eagerly at some
fruit at his bedside, said to her: "YoU
would not take them away from YOUR sicS
papa, would your She replied, hesitat
ingly, "No, wouldn't" and then coloreC
up, and ingenuously added: "But, papa
tell story when I say So" He CAV,
her the fruit.
"MoTHER," said the little girl who wal
engaged in making her doll an apron, "l
believe shall be duchess when grow
up" How do you ever expect to be
come duchess my daughteri" her mother
asked. "Why, by marrying Dutchman
to be sure" replied the girl.
THEY have q very comical system O
passes in the theatres and places ofamuse
ment in the Philippine Islands. When
native wishes to leave the apartment will
the intention of returning, he has hi
naked forearm, near the wrist, stamped
as he goes out with black die, which Sc
cures his re-admission, and at the sam'
time obviates all anxiety as to hi
losing his ticket. On his return this mari
is easily wiped out. Tickets not trans
ferable
1T has been generally believed, for many
years, that feather bed was sure pro
lection from lightning. A circumstanc,
which recently occurred in Greenfield
Connecticut, scatters this belief to tn,
winds. Lightning entered the apartment
of Mr.. and Mrs. Banks, tore open thu
feather bed upon which the parties men
toned, with a small child, were sleeping
and set the bed-clothes on fire, singed of
the hair and eyebrows of Mrs Banks
blistered her chest from the neck down
and knocked her completely senseless
Mr.. Banks was also momentarily stunned
but recovered in time to extinguish tn,
fire. The child, although lying on il
mothers arm, was not hurt.
CHILDRHE hear new words, and Otter
use them with little idea of their tru,
4 meaning. They are frequently bameC
Tor doing, or not doing, things, whel
their little minds have by no means com
pretended the Words employed in givin,
them directions. Mamma" said WEI
child, one Sunday evening, after havinI
sat sun In the house all day, "llke goo(
don't know" replied the mother, wonder
ingly; why do you askS" "Because,'
says the little one, shaking her head sadly
"tbe Bible gays, Honor thy father an,
motler that thy days nisy be long; an,
this has been, oh, the longest day ! eve