The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1870-09-16
Iowa PLAIN DEALER.

A casus belli-green apples.
A regular old salt Salt peter.
Popular diet in Utah-spare rib.
A chop dinner-Minced veal.
The raw matcrial-Underdone steak
How to make clean sweep-Wash
him.
Chicago on White stockings'-
darn him.
How to become a contractor on
ice.
You can't marry a-miss, if you mar
~ widow.
A mean residenoe-living in self-a-
basement.
The most difficult ascent-Getting
upa subscription.
When are soldiers miserly?--When
they are sworded.
Clap blister an poet it will
make him soar.
Punch says that silk dress should
never be satin.
The grandest verse in existence
The universe.
Some trees are very overbearing in
their disposition.
What the sea-board must be made
of--beech.
Notable places for the week-Bar
rooms on Saturday night.
When a patient begins to feed more,
the doctor is feed less.
Ifa man is given to liquor, see that
liquor is not given to him.
Wedloek is the only lock that can
never be picked with safety.
Waves that are harmless--The
waves ofladies' ndkerchiefs.
Isn't it queer that contract ors
should be engaged to widen streets.
Fifteen thousand bachelors in Kan
sas have "none to caress."
Punchinello says that after a Tur-
lsh bath q man can walk clean home
They say the ground is the only re-
liable bank; but it is broken every
day.
The dress of q frivolous firt, how
ever abundant, is next to nothing.
Curious: The seasons not only al.
ternate. but alter-nater.
Passing an omnibus appropriation
bill--kissing all the women at we'd
ding.
A good kick out Of doors, to some, is
better than all the rich uncles in the
world.
During peace, a regiment is quat-
cred; during war time, it is OCCASION
ally cut to pieces.
What is generally called fast liv.
ing is really nothing but dying as
quick as possible.
Some one very atrociously says
that the Germans are at lager-heads
with the French.
Singular: 1t generally requires a
round sum to make things square.
A candidate for Congress in Arkan-
sas originally went there as "bones"
in minstrel show.
Why should Romeo not have cared
for the month of June? Because it
was not July yet Juliet).
A secret society is about to be for
med in Boston under the title Of
1.-The Good Felloes of the Hub"
Experimental philos ophy: Trying
to borrow an umbrella. Moral phil.
osophy: Refusing to lend it.
No person ever got stung by hornets
who kept away from where they
were. 1t is so with bad habits.
A dishonest bankrupt and an hon
est one have this resemblance--they
both fail to make money.
A retired scoolmaster excuses his
passion for angling by saying that,
from constant habit, he never feels
quite himself unless he is handling
the rod.
No matter how much you desire to
fight nsvar begin on a mule or a cross
eyed man. Their looks don't adyer-
tise clearly enough where thcy are
going to hit.
A discriminating young lad of our
acquaintance says that he likes a.
rainy day one that is too rainy to 90
to school, and just rainy enough to 90
a-6shing.
"A lawyer has conspicuously dis
played in his Office the following sug-
gcstive notification Gentlemen
who expectoratc on the foor cannot
expect to rate as gentlemen.
Upon hearing that the Prince Fred
erick Charles meant to attack Nancy,
Mrs. Darlington told Ike that she al
ways thought those Prooshun Pri noes
were mean enough to strike women.
1t is said that the connecting link
between the animal and the yegsta-
bic is hash.
However much q pawnbroker's