New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1870-04-20

nature, the most modest of which required
information as to whether / had ever COM
mitted any burglary, or highway robbery,
or by arson or any other secret source OF
emolument, had acquired property which
was not enumerated in my ss'atement OF
income as set opposite to inquiry No. !.
1t was plain that the stranger had
enabled me to make an ass of myself. 1t
was very plain, and went out aud hired
another artist. By working on my vanity
the stranger had seduced me into declar-
ing an income of S2l4,000 By law, $1,000
of this was exempt from income tax-the
only relief could see, and it was only a
drop in the ocean. At the legal five per
cent, l must pay over to the government,
the appalling sum of ten thousand six
hundred and fifty dollars income tax.
RI may remark in this place, that did
not doit.l
1 am acquainted with very opulent
man, whose house is a palace. whose table
is regal, whose OUTLAWS are enormous. yet
man who has no income, as | have often
noticed by. the revenue returns; and to
him | went for advice in my distress. He
took my dreadful exhibition Of receipts,
he put on his glasses. be took his pen, and
presto was pauper 1t was the neat
est thing that ever was. He did 1t simply
by deity manipulating the bill of deduc.
tons, He set down my State, national
and municipal taxes at SO much; my losses
by Shipwreck, fire, ETC., at SO much; my
loss on sales of real estate; on live stock
sold; on payments for rent OF homestead;
on repairs, improvements, interest; on
previously taxed salary as an officer of the
U0ited States army, navy, reveaue SER
vice, and other things, he got astonishing
deductions out of each and every one OF
these matters - each and every
one of them. AND when lie was
| done he handed me the paper, and 1 saw
| at glance that during the year 1869 my
income, in the way of profits, had been
one thousand two hundred and fifty dol
lars and forty cents.
No" said be, "the thousand dollars is
exempt by law. What you want to do is
to 20 and swear this document in and pay
| tax on the two hundred and fifty dollars
while he was making this speech his
little boy Willie lifted two-dollar green
back out of his vest pocket and vanished
with it. and would bet anything that if
my stranger were to call on that little boy
tomorrow be would make false return Of
dis income.
"Do you," said l, do you always work
up the deductions after this fashion in
your own case, sir?'
"Well, | should say So If it weren't
| for these eleven saving clauses under the
head of deductions, should be beggared
every year to support this hatefnl and
wicked, this extortIonate and tyrannicai
| government"
This gentleman stands away up among
| the very best of the solid men Of But
| falo-the men of moral weight, Of COM
mercial integrity, of unimpeach able social
spotlessness and SO bowed to bis exam.
pie went down to the revenue office,
and under the accusing eyes of my old
visitor, stood up and swore to lie after
lie, fraud after fraud, villainy after vii.
lainy, till my immortal soul was coated
inches and inches thick with perjury, and
my self-respect was gone forever and ever
But what of it? 1t is nothing more thar
thousands of the highest, and richest, ano
proudest, and most respected, honored
and courted men in America do every year
And so don't care. l am not ashamed
shall simply, for the present. talk little
and wear fire proof gloves, lest tall into
certain habits irreyocably.
MARK TWAIN.