The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-08-14

ct really can't express my thanks,n as
the boy said to the sohooimaster after he he
got thrashing." 81
It is doubtful if any man could by nos
M6,iity do his noblest, or think his deepest
without preparation Of suffering.
Let the cause Of temperance prosper ever
90 well, 1t cannot prevent the whole world
nom going on big burst one of these fine
The poor dear man who took two glasses
became frightful spectacle. History does
not relate whether the glasses were empty
ones.
"Can You spell blind pig with two let
ters !" asked one schoolboy of another.
Yes" was the reply, 'sp g, that's pig With
How do You define sblack as your hat 9n
said q schOolmaster to one of his pupils
DARKNESS that may be fell, replied the
youthful wit.
horrible reprobate was lately arrested
ZOE hogglng woman, and excused the act
by saying he was near-sighted, and thought
1t was his wife!'
A very sharp chap thinks that Columbus
10 not entitled to much credit for discover
/ ing America, as the country is SO large he
could not have missed it.
Be not proud of riches but afraid. of them,
to heaven. You must answer for riches,
riches cannot answer for you.
" "Come, don't be timid, }" said couple of
foolish snobs to two mechanics /" sit down
and make yourselves our equals" eve
sehOuld have to blow our brains out to do
that" was the reply.
4 A wealthy bishop congratulated a poor
curate on the good air which he breathed
IN his parish; to which the latter replied,
Wa 1r,l -
aenough, if ! could live upon it."
how he should fog him, replied, /" If you
6please, sir, should like to have it on the
Italian system of penmanship, the heavy
STROKES upwards and the down ones light"
The following is a veritable transcript
from the record of will admitted to pro-
Sbate in the State Of New York: /" I be-
Squeath my body to the grave, my soul to
my Maker, and the remainder of my pro-
perry to my wife,"
Al christening, whilst the minister was
making the certificate, he forgot the day of
the month, and happened to say, Let me
see, this is the 3Oth." "The thirtieth ~
exclaimed the indignant mother; "indeed,
but it's only the thirteenth"
An editor says: "a man who is owing us
little bill, said he would call last week
and pay US, if he was alive. He still ap-
pears on the street, but, as he did not cali,
1t is natural to suppose he is dead, aud is
walking around to save funeral expenses"
An awfully curious bore, learning that a
young lady was going by railway to the
city, asked, "What motive is taking you
thither, my dearf" "I believe, sir, they
call it locomotive" was tbeinnocent reply.
The inquisitive stranger was extinguished.
"A lecturer the other day commended with
tiresome prolixity that art could not i'm
prove nature, until one of his hearers,
losing ali patience, set the room In roar
by exclaiming, You are wrong, sir, very
wrong, for am sure you would not look
80 young without your wig"
81 like to see the dear little creatures
amusing Themselves" said Mrs. Brown
when her elder boy took the visitors new
bonnet and affixed it to the tale of his
to her visitor, when she saw her bonnet in
the ar, "soon as the kite Gomez down he
will give it to you"
Tie Rondout Courier gets the following
story from telegraphic operator in chat
village A member of q Masonic order tel
egraphed to companion down the river
somewhere, "Make room for ten Royal
companions arrived they found pen had
been built for their accommodation, the
telegram at its destination reading, "Make
room for ten r A Ms. Coming to-day"
Mr.. afterwards Lord) Brougham once,
after travelling all night, proceeded to adj
dress the electors of Leeds before he had
performed his customary additions. At the
conclusion of diatribe against corruption
he lifted up his hands and exclaimed,
These hands are clean" AS they hap
pened to be very dirty, the gesture did not
add much force to his assertion of inno-
cence.
One day, while an inn-keeper's wife was
lying sick, several of her neighbors came
to condole with her upon the occasion.
Some of them prescribed one thing and
some another. A sagacious old matron re-
marked that she would be much better if
] If she could get q sound sleep. Then"
said a little boy, who was present, "ycll
better taxi my mither to the kirk, for she
aye gets guide sleep there"
Washington Irving tells how once, riding
with Tom Moore in the streets of Paris,
when the hackney coach went suddenly
into deep ruS, out of which it came with
such jolt asstO send their heads against
the roof. "By Jove! I've got it," cried
Moore, clapping his hands with great glee.
"Got what 7" asked Irving. "Why," re-
piled the poet, that word I've been hunt
ing for for six weeks to complete my last
song. That rascally driver has jolted it
out of me-"
A physician, who is something of wag,
called on a colored Baptist minister, and
propounded a few puzzling questions.
"Why is it," said he, that you are not
able to do the miracles that thesApostles
did, They were protected against poisons
and all kinda nf reriIs how ia If that Won