Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-02-18
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

THE first Board of Education - The
Black board.
USEFUL Manufacturing welded to
ones business.
WHY is a balloon like silence? Because
it gives ascent.
ACADEMY OF DEsIeN-A young lady's
boarding-school. -..,5 =. -
WHY is proud woman like a music
book? She is full of airs.
CHE told me-" says Artemus Ward, "to
get out of the office. I pitisd him, and
went"
WHAT is the first thing lady does
when she falls into the water? She gets
wet.
ALWAYS look at the bright side of every
thing; it is just as cheap and ten times as
good.
THE payments in the Washington are
never greater than they are the first year.
LIEUT.. GEN. SHERIDAN was made the
happy recipient of gold watch at the
Elgin watch works on Thursday.
IRRITABLE ScHooLMAsTER =" Now,
then, stupid, what's the next word? What
comes after cheese?" Dull boy-"A mouse,
sir"
UP among the Adirondacks, if the
natives happen upon visitor with gloves
on, they ask: "What is the matter with
your hands?"
MISGUIDED CH1LD.-A young lady of
sixteen, who had worn short dresses all
her life, positively told her mamma she
would wear them no longer.
He that forecasts what may happen
shall never be surprised It's too late to
begin to arm when the enemy is in our
quarters. Moral-Insure your life in the
Washington.
TEE man in Jail who looked out of the
window of his cell and exclaimed, "This
is CRATE country" is now generally adj
mitted to have spoken within bounds.
THE Oshkosh (Wis) Northeastern says.
Eight clergymen assisted in the marriage
ceremony of Fond du Lac girl last week.
She was going to Chicago to reside"
AN old lady was admiring the beautiful
picture called Saved" CTS no wonder"
said she, "the poor child tainted, after
pulling that great dog out of the water p
AN industrious old man in Eastern Con-
necticut, whose early education was neg
lected, has put out sign announcing.
"Goin out whitewash1n done in here"
SCENE ON THE STREET. First newsboy
-" say, Jim, lend us three cents, will
yerS" Second newsboy-" Now look a
here, what do you take me for, Jim Fisk,
or Vanderbilt?'
WIFE," says gentleman of New Ha-
ven, "has Willie been baptized ?" "No,
my dear, not yet; but why do you ask,
John ?" because there is a great deal of
smallpox about, and it ought to be done
at once" -sEs
AT prayer meeting in Augusta, Me-,
some lrreverent urchins woke up the sex
ton, who had fallen asleep, when the star
tied tunctionary, supposing it was just
morning, exclaimed, "Maria! Maria get
up! time to get breakfast
HosT: Allow me to get you partner.
Languid swell: Thank you, but lar
don't dance. Host then let me introduce
you to Miss Twaddle, she's great hand
at conversation. Languid swell: You're
very kind, but lar" never" converse.
THE editor of the Gardeners Monthly
says that nothing is easier than to grow
gooseberries. 1t is a mountain fruit, and
does not like hot SOIL Set the plants
across the lot in pretty thick row, and
pile up over the roots five or six inches
deep of old brush wood, corn roots, old
leather boots, pots or kettles even if you
cannot get anything else, so that the roots
will always be near the surface and get
cool, and good crops will be the result.
THE landlord of the Stout House, at
Fremont, ILL.,, sent note, few days ago,
to debtor, telling him that he was hold
ing his note yet, and hoped he would
oblige him by paying it Off The debtor
sent in haste this very 'consoling reply:
{ Mr.. r. Stout-Dear Sir, You say you
are holding on to my note yet. That is,
all right-perfectly right. Just keep hold
ing on to it, and, if you find your hands
slipping, spit on them and try it again.
"Yours affectionately, -"
A YOUNG Boston man, who purposed
starting business in New York city, made
preliminary visit there, armed with let
ers of introduction to business men.
These presented and the usual compli-
nents passed, the New York merchant
inquired of young Boston what he in
ended to do. 81 have not exactly de-
'ided," replied the young Puritan, I" but
Expect to settle into some good business
n which / can get living honestly" "a
living hcnestly~ can honest living"
epeated the Bostonian. "Young man."
aid the New Yorker, 81 congratulate
gu: thore is not city in the United |
states in which you will meet with SO
title competition in your method of doing |
BUSINESS"