The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1870-02-26
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clerks
| Where should postmen be buried !! In
a Postscript
A friend at pinch-One who shares
his snuff with you.
IF man is a tetotaler, he need not
always be out of spirits.
s.Fve lost fesh," as the butcher said
when his cart was robbed.
When nav a bird be said to occupy
feather bed? When it sleeps on tie
wing.
The man who was +" bent on matrimo-
NY Strengthened up afterwards.
Why is convent Ike an empty. house?
Because it is nuninnahited.
"He told me, said Artemus Ward, f'to
git out of his Office. s. 1 piticd him, and
peat."
A lady who was a strict observer OF
etiquette, being unable to attend church
one Sunday, sent her card.
"Well, wife, you can't say ever con-
tracted bad habits" "No, sir, you gener
ally expand them"
The man who calls his wife bird must
not be disappointed if she asks him to
buy her feathers.
We often omit the good we might
do, in consequence Of thinking of that
which it is out of our power to do.
The first record of sugar planting
which we know of is when Adam and
Eve are spoken of as having raised Cain.
Be temperate in diet Our first par
ents ate themselves out of house and
home.
An old trapper in Arizona who had
just scalped his fifteenth Indian, says
< It's good Staying out here this season"
Abiding to chignons, Mrs. Clever
said A girl now seems to be all
head" eyes, till you talk to her, (" growl-
ed Mr. Clever
An Iowa paper advertises for 's girl
to learn the printing trade, who will wear
pants and saw wood"
y correspondent says: /" 1t turns
out that Senator Pratt was not too bash
tul to serve, but in his youth he had
pious mother, and his morals received
terrible shock as soon as he had time to
discover The character of average Wash
ington officials"
"My friend, have you sufficient conf
dence in me to lend me dollar 2" Oh,
yes confidence enough, but no dollar.
q despise mankind, said an arrogant
millionaire to noted clergyman. g l see
you have studied your own nature deep
ly,'' was the quiet reply.
1t is said that modesty should fit upon
man like a coat. There would be some
very ilispecimens of virtue about if that
was the case.
Nearly million acres Of public land
have been taken up in Dakota this year.
Presbyterianlsm has almost quadrupled
itself in Philadelphia since 1887. The
twenty nine churches then had 3,440
members. The sixty ght churches now
have 20, 116.
There are eighteen Roman Catholics in
the new Massachusetts Legislature. All
[ but five hail from Boston.
) It is reported that John Bright, the
English Liberal, is investing money in
cotton mills in this country.
, The agitation in Chicago for minority
representation and the experiments which
, it is likely to cause are signs of the times
werth watching.
Annie Wagner, according to an intel
ligent San Francisco juryy died of
"a gun shot wound discharged from a
pistol
Grlsi, in the dilirium of her last hours,
sang the "Casta Diva" from Norma
The prma donna was taken i'll at Berlin
while on her way to St. Petersburg
A clergyman in Ohio has sued his con
gregation for 800 back salary.
t Lord C, whose popularity was OF
. excessive in the Scotch town of A.,
D having refused an importunate beggar,
] she renewed her application with a Now
! my Lord, if ye'd jist give me ae little
= saxpense, I could treat every friend ye
hae in the town"
The 'sion heart" of King Richard the
r first of England, Duke of Normandy, has
Just been removed from the treasury OF
: Rouen Cathedral, aud placed in a new
tomb in the choir.
A slovenly fellow describing his i'll to
: a physician, insisted on telling HIM what
he had tried. "Well," said the doctor,
!. s'did you ever try clean shirt %
. Oaths are vulgar, senseless and offens-
4 i've, as well as impious; they leave q
: oathsome trail upon the lips, and stamp
. of odium on the soul
e 81 am speaking" said a long winded
e orator, 'sfor the benefit of posterity.'
"Yes," said one of his.audience, ssand il
i. you speak much longer you will have
+ your audience present"
The new italian royal baby has beer
e christened with the name of Vittorit
Emanuel Fernando Mara Gennaro, the
e last being the name of the patron saint o
Naples, where he was born.
It Miss Lizzie Boynton, of Indiana, an
IS nounces herself for Congress. She ha.
blue eyes, short hair, prominent nose
,r and cheek
t. Father McKevy, of Buffalo, N. Y.
. seeking recreation from the fatigues o