Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1870-06-16
20 MISCELLANEOUS, p !.

-ftBe&itchSd the; heart of che fdrover9G .uits1E
S'.. . s,as MISCELLANEOUS ..isT. ! ;
-sHNE-Ez---=---=z- -
sxWCOUP1E0F9 SAD EXPERIENCES.
SE{ nf aiGE1+z 90 80 4scT Lsd.-oz"t
sfEom cHaaik TNain's 11GenOSsndA pSin tho june
"a, WHEN + published a squib recently, in
(which, j said i was going to edit an agri-
,rcultprs1 department. IN, this magazine, L
certainly did not desire to deceive any
BODY I had not the remotest desire to
play upbn any one's confidence with a.
a'pfactieal Joke FOR he is a pitifdl creature
ioindeec who win degrade the dignity of his
aIhumaniey to the coneTiviDg of the Vitless
oiinventibns that go by that name. pnr-
tEPosGly wrote the thing as absnrdly and
-dRs RsextTavagantly as il could. be iwrittens in,
Eiorder to be sure and not mislead hurried
u or needless readers; for 1 spoke of launch
oiing afrumphal hq1Ye- upon a desert, and
N tree. whose frq0rGnes should sldle the thirst
8 Of the, naked, and whose branches should
spread abroad till they toaShed the shores of
etc, etc I thought that manifest lunacyl
like that would protect the reader But.
to make assurance absolute andshow that
s7E did not and could not seriously mean TO-
-9Rttempt' an nAgTToGdturI= Department, 1
: -itstated distinctly in my postcript that /
,sdSd not A5l0Go anything about EA9rtctQ5H%s.
But, alasl right there is where made
mywerst mistake tor that remark seems
:, to: have Recommended my proposed Agri1
culture more than anything else. It lets,
little light in on me, and I fancy per-
ceive that the farmers feel little bored
sometimes by che y 0tacuIar profundity of
ta agricultural editors who. "knowl il all,
n In faqtI one ofImy l.correspo pondents sug-
L., gests this, (for that unhappy squlb has
dellged me with letters about potatoes,
o. and, ,cabbages, and hominy and vermicelh,
and meccAfoni, and, all the other fruits,
cereals and vegetables that ever grew on
earth; and if I get through answering
- questions about the best way of raising
these things before 1go iraving crazy, /
80 Fshail ~ thankful; and SHALL mower, write
ahi obscurity for fun any more0 n SEsd
Shall tell the reason why / have unin-
aJ tentionally succeeded in fpoling soI many
peoplei 1t is because some of them read
sos only little of, the squib 1 wrote, ana I
jumped to the conclusion that it was sertH
Gus, and the rest did not read it at, all, but
heard of my agricultur ventures at sec:
ond-hand. Those cases & I could not guard
SC pssaa q sSd 8 T BY 8Se so&s e
body, is very nearly an impossible thing
to do 1tis' bec3use3 in some instances,
the reader is a. person who never tries to
snet,expecting one to wantonly pracice
fdeeepbion upons Aila +; andsins this case the
tonlV person dish6nored is tlIA maR who
J WROTE the burla que. 1nSQther instances
= bd6 AOO ~~OE t4OI81 VI bLAET 0AAhACcA4SO-h9
its object be to enforce a truth-escapes
-onQtice in the superior glare of something
in the body of the burlesque ITSELF z And
- tkety often aAisIf f' nioraiP D tagged Sqn. at
] SSts9 s Ane 8 pig 6s sSdsE os sSS0 S6,0Ti3s a3s
the only important paragraph in the arti-
q 0esk Ss 4 GnFsafT lS6s Ssn dSiksl I satire'
Z with te!Iing 1oEse thpssh ne ansidious i
he afrrht nh laauQ him .iOxad
and defraudsd victim, when the honest
intent was to add to either his knowledge
or his wisdom. .IShaRe had deal of eTr
= TperienceS in buIles9ues and their unforo1A
Il &hata AptnessI1o ieeeines thel public, and
this Is why 1 tried hard to make that ag-
. ricultural one so broad and so perfectly
Tpalpable thRtevens pne-eyed potato could
see it ; and yet, as speak the solemny
fts y 6ORl1S0RS 9Se4ef 0fsi APlYiSt grieni' E
THE PETRRIED MAN. has
Now, 20 showihoW really hard it iso to-
foist moral or a truth upon an unsuspectT
- ing public through q burlesque without
lsT eHtiRsslS and HRspraly Ptssiag mes msrk;
: NKQWH in thisthipg, Ipthe fall of 1852,
: = fhsNeVada' and GalAofnia, The PEOPLE got
to running Wild about extraordinary
: petrifac actiohs and" other natural lnarvels.
~ One could scarcely pick up paper with
70 out finding iAiis one ortwo gl0rified dis.
sos eoveries ofIthis kind The mania was
Z ,becomingca little ridiculous. ~ 1 was "a
ii bran-neWi local editor in Virginia City,
Goand Il, felt called upon to destroy this
sic growing evil I'VE all have our. benignant,
Il .sfRtherly moods at! one time or another,
suppose. chose to kill the petrifaction
: mania with a delicate, 2 very delicate,
satire. But maybe it was altogether too
delicate, for nobody ever perceived the
satire part of it staAlsSfF put my scheme
IN the shape Of effe discovery of a re-
nnarkable petrifled man. / had temposi
I : Fry falling ppt with Mr., sewalh the new
81 Coroner and Justice sof the peace of
n HhhboldS aud thorght might Rs well
touch him up little at the Same time and
make him Ridiculous, and thus combine
~ pleasure with business. So / told, IN
10 patient, belief compelling detail all about
the finding of petrffied man at Gravelly
~ Ford (exactly hundred and twenty
Us miles, over a. breakneck mountain trail,
> ', from where SeWen iYed); how all the
savants in the Immediate neighbor-
.t1oOd ROhad been Ito examine it
~ lit was notorious that there was not liv-
ing creature within fifty miles of there,
"a except few starving Indians, some Grip
pied grasshoppeFs, and four or five buzz
yards out of meat SandJto0 feeble to get
q s;aYey9; how those sayants al pronounced
the petrided man to have been In state
0ASof ,oompkte petrifaotion for over ten
generations; and then, with serious