The morning star and Catholic messenger., 1870-05-22
Morning Star and Catholic Messenger
NV oaLKAMs, SUNDAY. NAY =. Ism.

The perfection Of politeness- OAering
standing jOke-a q seat.
The man who swallowed the story who'll
was nearly suffocated.
Tuneful Lyre-The music teacher VIII.
broke his engagement.
A wag pronounces morphine "the great
x lest OF modern composers"
A man who knows how to keep hotel
! One who is ia host in himself"
It is only those who have done nothing
who fancy they can do everything.
= A very greedy boy-one who recently
7 took the measles from his little sister.
No miller need ever be out of employ
ment, for he can always grind his teeth.
At the end of life we discover that we
have never suffered but from our friends.
It is in vain to stick your finger in water,
and after pulling it out look for the hole.
"One bumper at parting" as the drunk
ard said when he ran his head against a
post.
If you are to have your thoughts about
you, let them by all means be in your
head. -ss..,
Why is solar eclipse like mother
whipping her boyf Because it's a hiding
of the sun.
Z Mrs. Partington, hearing Of q pedestrians g
"greAt feat" wondered if they troubled
him in walking.
"What is pride, my son Z" Walking
with cane when you amt lame" replied
the intelligent juvenile. .
A musician informs the public in his bills
that variety of other songs may be ex-
pected, "too tedious to mention.n
"A bankrupt merchant says that his busi-
ness has been go bad that he could not pay
his debt, even if he had the money.
The brilliant editor of stupid paper has
hit upon novel plan for increasing his cir
culation. He walks five miles every morn
ing.
People who are always fishing for COM
pliments, do not need very long lines
they will get the best bites in shallow
water.
An illiterate correspondent, much given
to sporting, wants to know when the "An-
glo-Saxon race" 80 much talked about, is
to come off.
The "oldest inhabitant" admits that it is
sweet to have friends you can trust, but
more convenient to have friends who will
"trust" you.
Mr.. Jones having read in the papers an
advertisement, " House to let-everything
furnished" wondered if the owner would
furnish money to pay the rent.
The last society spoken of in California
is the Paynothing." 1t is said to be very
prosperous. The password is, Z" Lend us a
dollar :" the response, Broke"
"Neyer listen to fiatterers, my.dear,"
said q mother to her dauEhter. "Why, !
eamma, how am I to know that they are |
d g.sSterers unless listen to them Z"
= lady said to her sister, "I wonder, my
dedr, you have never made a match; think
you want the birthstone" To which she
replied, +" No, not the brimstone-only the
spark"
A gentleman, ON being asked what he
had for dinner, replied, ga lean wife roast
ed, and the ruin of man for sauce.n What
did his dinner consist off A spare rib and
apple sauce.
A subscriber writes to an editor, sI don't
want your paper any longer" To which
the editor replies, ~ wouldn't make it any
longer if you did. It's present length suits
me very WELL"
No statuary that the rich man everplaced
IN his window is to be compared with the
little expectant face pressed against the
xindow-pane, watching for "papa" when
lis days labor is done.
husbands are like dough, because wives
xnead them. 1t has never occurred to us
before, but may not this explain why there
re 90 many crusty fellows.
A school teacher recently asked boy,
8 Which is the highest dignitary of the
hurchW After looking up and down,
,orth, east, south and west, the boy inpO- |
emily replied, "The weather-cock." 1
ssPm af1oatv' screamed a young lady of
,uwerfnl lungs, and fingers to match, as
he exercised both at tine piano. 81 should l
hink you were," growled an old bachelor,
judging from the squall you raise"
An English clergyman thus accosted !.
london street Arab, whom he found play ,
ng marbles on Sunday, "Do you know &
vhat happens to little boys who play mar
lies on Sundayq" "They must either win =,
# lose," said the boy, rs .
A sailor, passing through o graveyard, /
aw on one of the tonlb-stOnes, az still v
ive.n This was too much for Jack, who, h
hitting, his quid, calculated, Well, I've \
eard say there are cases in which a man c
nay Lie, but if 1 was dead I'd own to it," O
During dense fog Mississippi steamer a
1ade landing: traveller, anxious to go d
'head, said to the unperturbed manager of
ne 1n wheel, Why has che boat stopped ." b
Too much fog, can't see the river. y" But il
lou can see stars overhead" eyes" replied ft
pc urbane pilot, "but till tho biler busts a
fe amt going that way" Passenger went N
he'd satisfied. b
a trosy lay member of the church rose G.
meeting and said, "My friends, the n
evil and / have been fighting for more Sc
pan twenty minutes. He told. me not to II
peak tonight, but determined that / p
Souid. He whispered that spoke too y,
zen, and that nobody wanted to hear me, "
r! was not to be put down that way =
20 now that have gained the victory. ~