Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1870-05-16
"YALLER DOGS"
Mark Twain,s History of the Foun-
der of the Family and his De-
seeudnnts

w ~
der of the Family and his De-
scendants.
When Noah ,d:sembarked at Ararat he
had scarcely touched the pier when he
proceeded to tally his passengers. He
had just checked his last item in the list
"a Mr.. and Mrs. Bedbug-when the
cringing figure of a quadruped came
sneaking down the gang,plank with his
tail between his legs "Drat it, if there
amt that yaller dogl' said Noah, aim
ing a vicious kick with his brogan at the
brute. But, with facility born of long
and bitter experience, the brute lodged
the projectile. and calculating ski-yi,
which is Syriac for " declined with
thanks" or mot for Jo"-he disap-
peared, while Noah, who had his sea-legs
on was unable to recover his equilibrium,
and sat down with emphasis on the back
of his head. .psae 50 w.w-gF..
Noah arose, and, in accordance with
the style prevalent among the patriarchs,
he proceeded to sooth his affronted dig
nifty by pronouncing yariegated anathe-
ma upon the yaller dog, which had
Enthusiastically sneaked unobserved
on board, in the confusion Of putting to
sea, and capsized the Captain at the
first port. He cursed that dog in body
limb, bark, hide, hair, tail and wag, and
all his generation, relation and kindred,
by consanguinity or affinity, and his
heirs and assigns. He cursed him with
endless hunger, with perpetual fear, with
perennial laziness, with hopeless
mango, with sincessant fleas, and with
his tail between his legs. He closed his
stock of maledictions by sparkling dis
play of pyrotechnics, from the demoraliz-
ing effect of which the yaller dog has
never recovered
With this curse sticking to him like a
revenue stamp, the 1yaller dog cant help
being cussed." He don't try to help
it. He follows Noah's programme with
sneaking fidelity. He is an lshmaelite
among dogs He receives the most OPP
pressive courtesies in the form of brick
bats, boots and hot water, which make
his life an animated target excursion.
He boards around like district school
teacher, and it is meal time with him
twenty-four hours in the day. The rest
of the time he bankers after something
to eat He is too omniverous for an
epicure. Cram him at Delmonico s, and
he would hunger for dessert from an Al
bany boarding house,
| He cant be utilizod. He is too tired.
Asa swill-cart locomotive, hunter, or
sentinel, he is an ignominious failure
The dog chnrn was a strategic at
tempt to employ his waste energies,
but he hadn't any waste energies, and
butter had too much selt-respect to
| Come at his persuasi0n.A So the dog
churn was dropped.
No sausage-maker dare foreclose his
lien on the yaller dog, lest his custom
ers-no longer 'soothed and sustained
| by an unfaltering trust transfer their
patronage to some less audacious dealer.
The savages, who admire baked dog, and
who can even attack tripe and explore
the mysteries of hash, without dismay,
acknowledged the yaller dog to be too
much for their gastric intrepidity.
He always manages to belong to a
ragged, tobacco-chewing, whisky-drink-
ing master, whose business is swapping
dogs and evading the dog tax. The yal-
Ter dog is acquainted with himself, and
he enjoys the intimacy with edifying
contempt. He sinks along through life
on diagonal dog-trot, as If in doubt as
to which end of him is entitled to the
precedence. He is always pervaded by
a hang-dog sense of guilt and when re-
tributive tinware is fastened to his tail,
he flies from the wrath to come with
Mortified celebrity which ought to be
very suggestive TO two-legged sinners OF
similar ordeal in store for him. .rg
The yaller dog is-well, to speak in
italics, he is SLOUGH.