The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1870-01-03
EI NOSE SKINNER.

dreadfully set abou; going OIL on Drlda
tour. | told her she'd better wait sIA
months or wear, and I'd try to go will
hcr bu. she said she'd rather 60 alone
when n woman was travelling, man was
An out-and-cut humbug.
So gave her seventy-hre cents ana told
her: go of and have good time. tneVel
heprudgc money where my wife's happl-
ness is concerned. My first wife never
could complain Of not going anywheres.
for I'm dreadful fierce to 90 Oft on good
time myself, and always was. | don'tpre-
tend to say how many times took her Out
10 sec the engine squirt, and there was nc
end 10 the free lectures let her go to. The
ncighbors used to say, "lt does beat MI
how the SINNERS do go"
When Siguor Blitz was in Slunkville,
with his wonderful canarics, he gave my
wife complimentary ticket. not only sold
TINT ticket for ry wife, but gave her half
the money don't boast Of it, though; |
only mention il to show how much thought
OF my wifc's happiness.
don't think any man ought to get mar
ried until he can consider his wife's iappi-
ness only second to his own. John Wise,
ncigy.bor Of mine, did thusly, and when |
cot ,nnrried | concluded Ia do it like Wise.
bu. the plan did not work in the case OF
ny second wife. No, should say not.
preached the subject kindly.
Matilda" said, II suppose you are
aware that am now your lord and master"
"Not much you ain'i,' said she.
Mrs. Skinner ] replied, you arc
fcnrfu!ly dcmoralizcl. You need re0rgan-
ling at once. You arc cranky.' And l
brandislcd ny new sixty-two-ccnt UNI
irela wildly around her.
She took the umbrella away from ne,
and locked me up in the clothcs-prcss.
| an quick to draw an inference, ana
the inference drew here was that l was
not success ~ rcOrgauizcr Of female
women.
After this changed my tactics. let
her have her own way, and the plan work
el to a charm from the very first. IT,
the best way Of managing wife that |
know of. OF course this is between you
and inc.
so when my wife said she was bound to
90 off on bridal tour anyhow, | cordially
u-scn.cd. $50, Matilda,' said |, "and
stay ~ long rs you wan! to; then If you
feel as though you would like 20 stay n lit
tie while longer; stay, my dear, stay
She told me 10 stop talking, and go up
stairs and get her rcd-hanncl nghtcap
oud that bag If pcnny-royal for her aunt
Abigail.
My wife 10 Il very smart woman. She
was a Baxter, and the Baxtcrs are II very
smart family indeed. Her mother, who is
going OH eighty, can fry more slapjacks
how than half these primpcd up city girls,
who rattle on the piano or else walk the
streets with their furbelows and fixings
pretending to get mad if a young chap looks
ut 'cm pretty hard, but getting mad il
curncs: if you don't take any notice Of them
at I'LL.
All. girls amt what they used to be
when | wAs young, and the fellows are
worse still When | went counting, for in
stance, never thought Of staying till after
10 o'clock, and only went twice week.
Now they 90 seven nights in week, and
cry because there amt eight. Then they
write touching notes to each other during
the day: Dear George, do you love ME as
much now rs you did at quarter past II
last night? Say you do, dearest, and it
will give me courage to 90 down and tackle
them cold beans left over from yesterday.
Well well, suppose they enjoy them
selyes, and it amt Cor us old folks, whose
hearts have got little calloused by Ion"
wear, to Interfere. Let them get togcthe'
and court il they like il, and | think they
do. | was ioty-scvcn when | courted my
present wife, but it seemed just us nice to
sit on little cricket at her feet and let
her smooth my hair rs it did thirty years
ago.
AS said before, my wife is 4 very smart
woman, hut she could not he ANYTHING else
and be Il Baxter. She used to give lectures
on womau's rights, and iii one place where
she lectured q big college conferred the
title of LII. D. upon her. But she wouldn't
take it. "No, gentlemen" said she, give
it to the poor She Was always just so
charitable. She gave my boys permission
to go barefoot all winter, and insisted upon
il SO much in her kind way that they
couldn't refuse.
She fairly dotcs on my children, and Eve
seen her many 4 time 20 to their trowser-
pockets and take out their pennies after
they'd got to sleep, and put them in her
bureaudrawer Tor fear they might lose
them.
started to tell you about my wife's bri-
DIAL tour, but the fact is never could find
out much about it myself. l believe she
had good time.
| conclusion, would say to all young
men, Marry your second wife first, and
keep out of debt by all means, even las A.
Ward says if you have to borrow money to
do il.