Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-02-17
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

WHEN is love deformed! When it is
all ON one side.
WHY should old men never jest! Be
cause 1t IL bad-in-age.
WHAT to expect at boys school
Boyster0us conduct. a
THE blowing of the advertisers is what
makes the trade winds.
Why is man half asleep like twice six?
Because he's doze-in.
THE man in debt for his shoes cannot
say that his sole Is his own.
CAPITAL punishment for boys-Being
obliged to sit between two girls at school.
ANY undertaking submitted to a lawyer
for his opinion is always pronounced fees
ible.
Why is the nose the leading feature in
every ones countenance? Because every
one must follow 1t.
THE way to make time pass quickly
Raise a row and get knocked into the mid
die Of next week.
Why is an address pronounced on
board a ship like fnger-ring9 Because
it is decoration deck oration).
THE Boston Transcript says "anthra-
cite Is drug" If it is, 1t must be one Of
the drugs that is good for cold.
FIFTY thousand dollars is the value
Jerseyman puts upon an eye which rail
road accident knocked out.
Why may we conclude that man fond
of solitude Is in pecuniary difficulties p
Because he Is always trying to get alone.
NOTHING like punctuality. Mr.. Shirk
was never known to stay second after
the hour at work, and is invariably on time
at his meals.
II LIKE to read epigrams against US
women" said Mrs. Clever. "When cul-
prit clanks his chains you know that they
are on him.
A TRENTON paper reports that an aged
couple who celebrated their golden we'd
but this deficiency was supplied by gifts
from number Of the guests"
A RECORD was recently made on the
Coroner's books in New York, that
Charles Burns, boy, died suddenly ut
No. $50 East Thirty first street, without
the aid OF q physician +"
THE jealous man is always hunting for
| something he doesn't expect to find, and
| after he has found it he Is mad because he
has. He is always happy just in proper
| ton as he is miserable.
THE Detroit Free Press says no stone
giants having been dug up lately, it Is
! probable that the trade in this line is dead,
though perhaps people are waiting for the
| frost to get out Of the ground, 80 that the
digging won't be 80 heavy.
"BDDY," said lady to her servant, II
wish you would step over and see how old
| Mrs. Jones is this morning." In few
minutes Biddy returned with the iDforma-
ton that Mrs. Jones was just seventy.two
years seven months and two days old.
"THE boy at the head of the class will
state what were the dark agos of the world"
Boy hesitates. "Next--Master Smith, can't
you tell what the dark ages weres" II
\ guess they were the ages Just before the
Invention Of spsetaclss" go to your
seats"
WANTS.-A contemporary wants 6fer
and drummer to beat time for the march
of intellect pair of shutters to trim
tho eight of other days !" ring that
will fit the finger of scorn;" loose pull
ley to run the shaft Of envy" and q new
cushion for the "seat Of government"
A LITTLE SToRY.-Fanny was pretty,
and had clear sweet voice. Fred pro-
| DObcu VI uCI, uuu buC DoIup xCos At0'
vealing his happiness to his friend Frank,
Fanny's voice when she accepted him.
"A wedding ring, suppose, old fellow"
was Franks neat reply.
A NAN sentenced to be hanged prayed
for . reprieve, on the ground that he had
q sore throat, which rendered him unfit
for the operation of hanging he feared,
he said, that the most alarming cOnse-
quences might ensue If he were hanged in
his present condition. tfv
DrDN'r SEE IT.-"Did you take the
note, and did you zee Mr.. Thompson,
Jack 2" /" Yes, sir." "And how was he 2"
"Why, he looked pretty well, but he's
very blind" "Bfind what do you
mean - "Why, while wur in the rsom
he axed me whore my hat wur, and It Wur
on my head ell the while" &
In "a Book About Words" by g. r.
Graham, the author gives an explanation
Of the phrase, Nine Tailors Make .
Man" In the olden time the strokes OF
the passing bell were called " tellers, and
q nine strokes indicated the death OF q
man, while three announced that Of q
child, and nix that Of = woman, thew0rds
"nine tellers" were easily perverted into
nine t0llOrA
! A COMPANY Of. fishermen. returned to
Hudson, Wis, few days since, nom the
wilderness, more than hundred miles
northeasterly from that place, and near
the headwaters of the Chippewa. They
brought with them 1890 brook front,
which weighed In the aggregate SO
pounds, The fab were an caught with
hooks and lines. through holes .cutin the
Ice.
| A MYsrERIous deaf girl has heen agi-
tating San Francisco. A reporter went
TO interview her, and while taking down
i would not have been complimentary II
i she could have heard them. She stood II
for some time, but finally emptied the
y coal scuttle over him and pitched him