The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1870-01-08
VARIOUS ITEMS.


Almost any young lady has public
spirit enough to be willing to have her
fathers house used as court house.
How came you to have wooden
leg Z" Why, my father had one, so
had my grandfather. 1t runs in the
family"
The track between Marysville and
Chico is being laid at the rate of one
mile day.
When you make suit of clothes for
little boys, finish the coat first, and by so
doing, you will make their trousers last
1t is the ouly way the thing can be done.
A young pupil of the New Orleans
grammar school was scolded by his
mother.
g Sammy, Sammy" said she, "why
did you do that I? You might have
known you would hurt yourself"
Z" How could | know, mother p re-
piled the youngster, as the pain from
his bruised skin ceased for moment.
. Am L a future tense 7"
The last case of modesty is that of
lady who discarded her lover, sea cap
tain, because, in speaking of one of his
voyages, he said chat he "hugged" the
| shore
The President declines to discuss the
subject of removing the capital, and says
| it is not proper for him to take sides one
way or the other; it is question for
Congress and the people to decide.
Alta recent prayer meeting in Troy, an
/ enthusiastic brother prayed that the meet
ing might be annointed with the g Isle of
! Patmos."
| g Grandpa, did you know that the
United States has been in the habit
of encouraging and acknowledging
/ tories % . What kind Of tories, sonny?"
Territories Now give me some pea
nuts, or I'll catch the measles and max e
you pay for them
Never lay stumbling block in the
way of man who is trying to advance
himself in the world honorably and up
rightly, for he is likely to walk over it
and laugh at you afterwards.
John Onion is the suggestive name of
an Illinois editor. When he peels him
self and gets down heartily to his work
/ he must bring water to the eyes of his
readers.
/ What is that which man does not
want and struggles against having as long
as possible, but when he once gets it he
would not part with it for all the world !?
! 4 bald head
At Lansing, Iowa, thirty young ruen
/ have formed themselves into a club, and
vowed a solemn vow that no member
shall marry any except widow. The
j hrS i, L., r ba 1,o
ing clubs-mostly of hickory-and swear
/ ing that there will be multiplicity of
/ bachelor funerals forthwith.
An editor, describing church in Min
nesota, says: sNo velvet cushions in
our pews we don't 90 in for style The
/ fattest person has the softest seat and
/ takes it out with him at the close of the
/ services"
" What does the minister say to our
new cemetry?" asked Mr. Hines g He
don't like it at all he says he wont be
buried there as long as he lives"
+" Well" said Hines, ''If the Lord spares
my life, | will"
An applicant for certificate to teach
school lately presented himself before the
experimenting school committee of a
town in Main and, after having answer
ed correctly several questions in mathe-
MATES, he was asked, 's In what year did
Columbus discover America % The
young man paused, scratched his head,
and replied: Well, Mister, you've got
me now ~ g Was it before or after the
! birth of our Saviour 2" continued the
committee man. The youth spent mo-
nent in thought, and then, raising
his huge fist and striking it upon the
desk. exclaimed g You've got me again,
by thunder ~ The certificate was not
granted.