The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1870-08-26

l. hi" do you ENJOY goOQ nealtll, Lacna'
gys. sWhy, "! yes 5, to be st sure; who
pa If you wish to fiatter fool, ask his
advice: if you wish to be one follow
it'd Fng - -ras,1.. II So .,,tlgisiiss 81.
A curious Western visitor inquired
if, the State prison was rcckoDed
among our institutions Of charity
Certainly" was the repIy-"it cov-
ers multitude of SINS"
How may man become four-hand-
ed? BY doubling his fist.
1t is not necessary that postman
should possess good voice, but it is q
most essential thing that he should
have q good delivery. HotH
During peace regiment is quar-
tered; during war 1t is occasionally
cut tc pieces. 's '''l'ts
The boy who undertook to ride a
horse-radish is now practicing ON a
saddle Of mutton.
An Irishman said he did not come
to this country for want. lie had an
abundance of thatin his own country.
The mani who sat down on a paper
of tacks said they reminded him of
the Income tax. t"-
What fruit does a newly married
couple mostly resemble? A green
pear. 4dtt
g "A pcddlcr calling out an old lady to
dispose of some goods, inquired if she
conld tell him of any road ON which
no pcddlcr had Travelled, as he would
like TO speculate little with some old
,spectaclcs. Yes, sic replied, "the
road to Heaven.
A histrionic Individual, who has
heard a good deal about the "theatre
of war;" suggests that the back seat
must be very desirable.
a Western editor consoied a man
who had complained that justice had
not been done him, by the remark that
It was svcry lucky for him. 2 -
Teachel-" Why was Joseph pu: in
the pitt" Thomas (who goes to the
theatre OH week days)-" Because
there was no room for him in the
family circle" q
A lady who sings in the choir of a
certain church in New York, having
been laughed at for marrying very
small man, remarked that she had al
WAYS found shcrt metre hims the ca
siest to get along with.
a German baker of New Rochelle
got on the lightning train which
didn't stop at his place, and jumped
off while the train was on the fly, in
the air. The undertaken said it was
a moral impossibility to make band
some corpse of him, as he seemed to
spread around SO.
There are two reasons why some
people don't mind their own business.
Ono is they haven't any business, and
the second that they have no mind.
miss" said u gentleman proflering
his arm and umbrella to lady in a
shower, "permit me to be your beau"
sThank you for your poIitencss," was
the reply, "and as l have, plenty OF
fair weather beaux, will call you my
raim-beau."
4 pOlltlclan OOaSteu that ne could
tell any Kind of wine or liquor. blind
folded, merely by the taste. Tie was
tried with one kind after another. and
readily named them. AT last glass
of water was handed him. He tasted
it, hesitatetl, tasted again, smell il, re-
tasted it, and then said, g give ii up.
That's brand of liquor never got
hold of.
A girl hearing tho lady of the house
at dinner ask her husband to bring
home Dombey e. Son" with him
whe,r he came home to tea, had two
extra plates on the supper table for the
supposed visitors.
"This is George the Fourth" said
an exhibitor Of wax work, pointing
to slim figure al thought he was
a very stout man." said the other
/. Very likely; but if sou had been
without victuals half so long as he]
has, you'd be twice as thin