Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1870-12-15
Our Spice.Box.

"A WORD 10 CFOakers-h men lne wines
in, the wits ont
Why is the letter III like a cure for
deafness Because it makes the ear hear
They have started tri-weekly journal
in Rome. Hail the restoration Of the pa
percy
Aluminium deaths heads, with movable
diamond eyes, are the last "sweet thing"
in scarf pins.
Louisville girls eat onion lozenges to
discourage young men whom they don't
care to cultivate.
Suicide is so common in Chicago that
public steam stomsch-pumpery, open
day and night, is talked Of
A contemporary enumerates as CUES
tions of the hour more questions than
could be answered in two hours.
A Western beau is under medical treat
ment for lead collie, induced by kissing a
young lady of improved complexion.
Garibaldi is trying to command the
French army at Dole. BE finds it the
most doleful business he ever undertook
An Indiana thief tried to steal horse,
but the horse stated his objections by
kicking and smashing the fellows thigh.
A Chinaman in San Francisco has laid
in his winters stock of provisions-a hind
quarter of horse and two barrels full of
bull dogs.
Thomas Jefferson of Chicago, spatentee
of plan for having mullins every meal.
He pounds his wife over the head with
bed-post.
Helmbold called on Grant the other
day. III. remarked, 81 didn't come to re-
buchu, Mr.. President" and Grant Kept
on smoking.
Mark Twain says ihat the Sandwich Is
landers dish of plain dog sis only our
cherished American sausage with the
mystery removed"
A Santa Fe teamster, afflicted with the
blues, requested his companion to shoot
him. The faithful friend now drives the
mules of the deceased.
| Richard Nichols of Saluda, Ind, has
seen dark form in the image of a man
moving amid the stars. The quality Of
that Indiana whisky is awful.
One Mrs. Hicks of Washington, having
adopted the custom of putting two quarts
of whisky per diem under her jacket, Is
now under He facet herself.
A tradesman having sunk his shop
couple of feet, announces that, in conse-
quence of recent improvements, goods
will be sold considerably lower than for
merly.
A California sheriff being notified that
three horses were missing, took an assist
ant and went on the war-psth. There
were two of the horse thieves, but there
amt any now.
! a Galvestonisn, whose henery has been
robbed of five Brahmas, requests the thief
to call and stake away the rooster, as he
is very lonely, and no questions will be
asked.
Princess Louisa's dowry will probably
be $25, 1000 year. One would have sup
posed that her mother would do some
thing handsome by her, as the old lady is
reputed to be well of.
Four of those chairs 1 so lately pur-
chased of you are broken. Upholsterer
Indeed, madam The only way in which
1 can account for that is that some one
must have been sitting on them.
A reporter who tried to interview a
Chicago editor, says: "After the eighth
knock at the door he roared in a gentle
voice that might have been heard couple
of squares, Come in,--you.'
The heather Chinee is making whiskey
in California by fermenting old rice and
rubber shoes and things, and the revenue
people are after John. The whiskey made
in this way is much sought after by
suicides.
Two damsels of the first families In
New Albany, Ind, settled their rivalry
for the affections of a young man by Il
mill according to the rules of the p. r.,
with the younger sisters as bottle holders
and servant girl for referee.
In Switzerland, milkmaid who is good
singer gets more salary than others, be-
cause under the influence of music, COWS
'give down" better and give more milk.
An Orange County N. Y farmer is try
ing to hire Psrepa-Rosa and Kellogg TO
sing round his pump.
The Holmes family, in Michigan, has
dissolved. Mrs. II. chopped the family
wagon to pieces, split up all the sap
troughs and burned 10000 shingles for
her husband. He being a msn of spirit,
smashed the cook stove AMI destroyed
the wife's trunk full of her good clothes.
1t has always been a mystery to Us
where all the Smiths came from; but
while visiting in neighboring city the
the matter was satisfactorily explained by
the appearance Of a large sign over the
door of factory, with the announcement
that this was the "Smith Manufacturing
Company
A Newark lady, whose husband had
deserted her, saved a hundred dollars by
sewing, and was in a terrible quandary
as to whether TO buy divorce or a sew
ipg-machine. She has decided, with the
assistance Of an old bachelor, to buy ten
dollar divorce and ninety-dollar ma
chine
The boys of Herefordsbire are pack
of rude, ill-bred scamps. A lady riding
on horse back, in that county, having t.
pass through a gateway, requested q boy
to open the gate, which the little fellow
readily did The lady, sstonished at his
politeness, complimented him by saying:
you are nice little fellow surely you
are not a Hereford boy" To which the
gallant youngster replied: "Thou best
liar, mum am.
A "very responsible and truthful" citi-
zen of Claysville, Kentucky, reports q
combat between himself and a "lsrge
brown skinned snake, with a body the
ize of nail-keg," which ''made noise
ike the suppressed believing of bull"
It is surmised that the reptile is an adder.
md the reporter also.
An enthusiastic young politician while
working at the polls in Fordham, n. Y,
hat he was TO be married on that day
lie forthwith procured his afianced, went
o clergyman's house and had the knot
led, and then returned to the polls.
where he worked until they closed. With
i'm it was duty before pleasure.
A genial rector of village parish in
Minnesota, found it difficult TO get his
alary promptly. Latterly il was much
III, TO of hsc AL