The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1870-04-08

| get half!
"The suffering Moses! I'll Sc
that down, fourteen seYen-ffty-
eight-two hundred. Total, say
well, upon my word, the grand tota
is about two hundred and thirteer
or fourteen thousand dollars. I,
that possible?'
Possible! II there's any mistake
its the other way. Two hundred
and fourteen thousand, cash, in my
income of; this year, if I know how
to cipher"
/ Then the gentleman got up to 90.
1t came over me most uncomfOrtab-
ly that maybe l had made my revela
tions for nothing, besides being fat
tered into stretching them consider
ably by the strangers astonished
cxclamstions, But no; at the last
moment the gentleman handed me a
large envelope and said it contained
his advertisement; and that I would
find out all about his business in it;
and that he would be happy to have
my custom would in fact be proud
to have the custom of a man of such
prodigious income; and that he used
to think there were several wealthy
men in Buffalo, but when they came to
trade with him he discovered that
they barely had enough to live on;
and that in truth it had been a very,
age since he had seen a rich man
face to face, and talked with him,
and touched him with his hands, that
he could hardly refrain from embrac-
ing me-in fact, would esteem it a
great favor if l would let him en-
bracd me.
This so pleased me that ] did not
try to resist, but allowed this simple
hearted stranger to throw his arms
about me and weep "a few tranqulliz-
ing tears down the back of my neck.
Then he went his way.
As soon as he was gone, l opened
his advertisement I studid it at
teutiyely for four minutes. 1 then
called up the cook and said:
Hold me while l faint. Let
Maria turn the batter-cakes."
Bye and bye, when I came to i
sent down to the rum mill on the
corner and hired an artist by the
week to sit up nights and curse that
stranger, and give me a lift occas-
ionally in the day time when I came
to hard place.
All, what a miscreant he was:
His advertisement" was nothing in
! the world but wicked tax-turn-a
string Of impertient questions about
my private affairs occupying the best
part Of four foolscap pages of fine
print-questions, / may remark
gotten up with such marvellous in
genuity that the oldest man in the
world couldn't understand what the
most of them were driving at-ques
| tiOns, too, what were calculated tC
make a man report about four times
his actual income to keep from
swearing to a lie. Hooked for loop
hole, but there did not appear to b,
any. Inquiry No, ] covered my cas-,
as generously and as amply as an
umbrella could cover an ant hill:
"What were your profits, in 1853
from any trade, business or vocation
wherever-carried on:"
| And that inquiry was hacked VI
by thirteen others of an equally
searching nature, the most modes
Of which required information as t.
whether l had committed any burg
larry, or highway ROBBERY, or by any
arson or other secret source of EN-
olument, had aevuired property wa.
not enumerated in my Statement
Of income as set opposite to inquiry
/ No. 1.
Itwas plain that stranger had en-
abled me to make an ass of myself
1t was very, very plain, and 1 wen
out and hired another artist. By
working on my vanity the strange
| had seduced me into declaring an in
come of $214,O00. By law, $I,OO(
of this was exempt from income ta1
THE only relief could see, and i
was only a drop in the ocean. Al
| the legal five per cent 1 must pay
over to government the appalling
sum Of ten thousand six hundred
and fifty dollars, income tax.
i may remark, in this place tha
/ / did not do it.
] ! am acquainted with a very opul
ent man, whose house is a palace
whose table is regal, whose OUTLAY
are enormous, yet a man who has n,
| income, as l have often noticed. b.
| the revenue returns; and to him
went for advice in my distress. H
took my dreadful exhibition of re
ceipts, he put on his glasses, he tool
his pen and presto 4 was a pauper
1t was the nearest thing that eve
was, He did it simply by deftl7
manipulating the bill OfDeductions.
| He set down my "State, National anC
Municipal taxes" at SO much; my
losses by shipwreck, fire, etc, a
so much; my closes on sales of rea
estate"-on payments for rent O.
homestead"-on '.repairs, improve
ments, interest previously tax
ed salary as an officer of the United
States army, navy, revenue service,
and other things, He got astonish
ing deductions" out of each and
every one of these matters-eacf
and every one of them. And wher
he was done he handed me the paper
and l saw at a glance that during the
year 1863 my income, in the way oi
profits, had been one thousand t,cC
hundred and tJlfy dollars and .fortg
cents.
"Now," said he, "the thousand dol
lars is exempt by law, What you
want to do is TO go and swear this
document in and pay on the two hun
dred and fifty. dollars"
! While he was making this speech
his little hoy Willie lifted two dol
lar greenback out of his vest pocket
and vanished with it, and l would
bet anything that ifmy stranger was
to call on that little boy to-morrowhC
would make false return of his in
come,
do you, 'said /, do you always
work up the deductions after this
fashion in your own case, sir:
"WeH, should say so! lit
wem't for those eleven saving clauses
under the head of Deductions /