Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1870-02-18
DINING WITH A CANNIBAL.
BY MARK TWAIN.

ed for, rs tho shark opened his great Jaws, |
she thrust her HdbOOM between them, |
noble girl propped them wide apart, ran |
her arm down his throat, into his gullet |
and recovered the gentleman's watch |
Come here, child and show the foreigner
the sharks toOth-marks ON your shoulder" |
az nee, sec. II was hn intrepid deed |
II was noble TO save the poor white man
from 80 ghastly death. And this Is the
girl that taught you to add bread fruit TO
The poi p
eyes the same-the very samc. To
four,fngor poi, you understand 20
all sorts. l will show--I will make you
In the Sandwich Islands and
the Marquesas they make poi out of taro.
root only. Then, you know, they would
Mt dream of -. However, | was going
TO tell you. The native takes the taro.
root, which is much like what you describe
a turnip TO be, and wraps IL in plantain
leaves, and puts II in hole IN the ground
which he has lined with hot stones, don't
you seeY-covors 1t up, lets il roast. Takes
it.out, poundssit in great stone dish with
large stone pestlc ;adds water to this mash,
from time TO time, to thin IT, He sets IL
away Git is poi, now) IN large calabashcs.
II locks like so much flour paste. At
meals all the family and friends sit around
the calabash on their launches, just as you
and | are doing except that the poor com
mon handkds are naked, of course. Oh
no, my fricnd-buCause you see me, the
great King, in shirt collar and spcCtaclcs,
you must not imagine that the common
subject must ape grandeur and put on
clothes. They sit around the Culabasb,
and all cat from 1t with their hands Each
inserts his fingers and sllrs them brisbly
around till portion of the pulpy mass
adhCrCs to thcm-then tilts back his head,
lets the suspended trail ofpulp descend into
his open mOuth--thcn his fingers follow,
and he sucks the remainder from them.#
Now If the pulp be thick, you can use ono
finger If it be thinner, you must use two,
or three, or four fingers accordingly. But
rs | told you, il was this inspired girl
that invented the method of thckening
fourBnger poi with bread fruit-and also
llavoring II with carCasscs of the delicious
bird which in your tongue you term the
grasshoppcr,"
Blessed girl !"
Blessed girl, indeed. But pardon me
-you--yCu seem distressed" " -rI
IL is nothing. Poi, even in its native
nastincss, is only mildly delicious to me-
the addition to II of the wild game you
mention"
"Ah, say no moro. perceive. But try
this dish. II is fry of bananas and plan.
tains, with oranges sliced in it, aud Just II
spoonful or so of the delightful Chirimoya
added to give it tone. conceived the idea
of adding the anglcworms"
''Ilt was inspiration"
81 so regard it, 1t is so considered by
the great chiefs. To the common herd il
is tabu That is to say prohibited Now
as regards those missionaries" continued
the King, rchcctivcly scratching his head
with the fork which had presented him,
and which he had already learned to use IL
good deal, though not always in strictly
legitimate way, "as regards those mis-
sionarics. l will say, that their landing
here was unexpected, but l fastened to
give them every protection And ] gave
them full privilege to teach. They were
the first whites that some of my people
had seen, and of course these simple ma
tivcs had u natural curiosity to experiment
upon them | couldsnot reasonably deny
them this little qualification, though |
Counscled them to practice as little cruelty
upon the strangers rs was compatible
with fair desire for information and the
necessity of wholesome amusement. They
removed Johnson's ears, ,sand that was a
thing which | regretted seriously until il
was explained to me that great chiefs
little sick child desired them to play with,
and if you could have seen how much
more contcntcd and restful the poor
young thing was after it acquired them,
you would have felt how blessed thing
it is to be able to contribute to the happi
ness of even little child"
1T was the impulse of generous
heart-it was spirit of liberality as rare
as il is beautiful. And how did johnson
like it2"
"Oh, johnson said it was the will of
God. 1t was like johnson to say that
But the missionaries were right well
treated, on the whole. The natives tried
various interesting experiments upon
them, such rs scorching them, and soald-
ing them, and scalping them, and all that
sort Of thing, and l killed one of them
myself, not i'll malice, but because l had II
curious caprice to see how he would go
with onions. lie was Il failure. Old and
tough. Undcrdone, my 'cdhjRo said-a
shade too venerable l said. Give me pun.
| gency and tenderness for combination
| Onions and infancy is my idea of comfort
But here comes u dish which you will
| like, my good hdolo baked dog and yams
| lANlNNA y ltuh blllo ullGCAibll, anu
nip this slice from the contrlvance which
you call fork A man, il no be anything
of an cpicure, is bound 10 like this dish
Ii is, par 6rcellCRcd, the national dish-nc
| iudW is complete without it. A luaN is Il
| grand feast, my iriend-that is what the
word means. Do you know that the edi
BILE dog of this land is perfectly proper
and elegant beast for human consumption
II is even so. lie is never, nCcer allowed
to touch meat lie is fed wholly on poi =
y strictly vegetable diet He is reared in
the house-sleeps with his owners, male
or temalo-rides horseback with them
| travels in the boat with thcm-is thcii
inseporable pet and companion. They
| love him tenderly in life, and in death
they turn not away from him. They ca
him. They stuir his body full of plan
tains, bananas yams and other daintios
| and cook him among hot stones buried il
n hole in the ground. Not breath of tn,
aroma, not u drop of the combined Juice
escapes You people don't know how I,
cook, No, rs was saying, the Kanakal
experimental Il great deal on the mission
aries, in the interest of science, and tn,
experiments were generally fatal, though
| urged them not 10 waste the missionaries
for we could not know when we waul,
nave another lot. But among those VIII,
survived was Williams, and il was Re tina
sent home those damaging reports to you
country, in which he spoke of the treat
mont of his brethren In pcovish, fault
finding spirit, i'll becoming To his sacre,
calling. | suppose your people believe,
every word of il, aud Just jumped To tn
conclusion that we were bad, inhosp
, table race, Never explained about John
sons ears, perhapsy-never told nhy
, killed that other fellow y-conGound IN,
it does seem 20 me that some people tax
pleasure in misrepresentmg things, an
bringing obloQuy upon their fellow crcs
turea Sometimes feel MS If | had rathC
be dead and at rest The world seems S
shameless in its Judgments, and ones iii
is So ombitored by the malicious crit
ciSms of those whose hearts are not /
sympathy with him"
" II ,NIs pitiNl in that Williams, after a
you had done for his party
II should say sol But never mint
let's be cheerful, anyway. How are yo
, making out Let mo help you to frio
plantain Take some more Of the pup
I