The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-07-12

Because which ever way he moves, down
must come the dust.
DGy~ A wag on hearing that man had
given up chimney sweeping, expressed
his surprise, as he thought the business
sooted him.
RG- You say" said judge to wit
ness, "that the plaintiff resorted to an
ingenious use of circumstantial evidence,
state just exactly what you meant by
that" Well" said the witness My ex-
act meaning is that he lied"
Ba- A singular genius debating his
will said, "I bequeath to my brother
John, Twelve Thousand dollars" Why
said the lawyer, you are not worth half
that" {" No matter for that, it is my will
that he shall have that much, and he
may work get it if he has mind to-.
R6s~ A Dutchman was relating his
marvellous escape from drowning, when
twelve of his companions were lost by
the upsetting of a boat, and he alone
saved. "And how did you escape their
fate ?" asked one.
4 did not go in te pote,' quietly re-
piled the Dutchman.
Ray- In recent description of Albany
the writer says, Albany is city of ten
thousand houses, and thirty thousand
people most of them with their gable
ends to the street. Can't those people
be turned around
sS- A little four-year-old child told
his father he was fool. On being rep
rimanded by his mother, and required
to say he was sorry, he toddled up to
the insulted parent and exclaimed, Papa
Pm sorry you'se fool"
B6~ " Plaze, sir, would yez be so oblig-
ing as to take me great coat, hers, to Bos-
ton wild yez?" asked Pat of wagner.
"Yes but how will you get it again ?"
"Och, that's mighty aisy, so it is; for
shure I'll RENAME inside NV it,"
nag Two friends meeting, one remar-
ked,-
| nave JuoU ocCu HAL VIII lolu luO
I looked exactly like you"
"Tell me who it was, that may knock
him down." replied his friend.
"Don't trouble yourself" said the
other " for l did that myself at once.
B1- The only prisoner in the Jail at
Nantucket informs the authorities that if
they don't fix up the Jail so the sheep
can't get in to bother him, he will be
blowed if he will stay in there. The
prisoner is in the right, and his request
should be needed.
BSs~ Said cute Irishman to the tele.
graph operator, "Do you ever charge
anybody for the address in a message?
"No." replied the operator. "And dc
ye charge for signing his name, sir p
said the customer. "No, sir" "Well
then, will ye please send this l just
want my brother to know am here,
handing the following;" To John McFlinr
at New York.--signed--Pat
rick McFlinn." 1t was sent as tribute
to Patrick's shrewdness.
Bar A man in Michigan swapped hi
horse for a wife. An old bachelor ac
buaintance said he'd bet there was
!. something wrong with the horse, or it
owner would never have fooled it ava,
in that manner.
a@- The last year that Davy Crocke
was in Congress, political jollifcatiol
was held professedly in honor of tn
birthday of Jefferson Davy met severa
of the company going home from tn
festival, and thus graphically describe
their condition They were so drunk
that I'll be--if either of them couh
hit the ground l0iM has hat in three time
thro,oing.'
D9~ The following bon mot was starte
out West. A busy housewife was si
ting in doorway plying her needle
Her husband lounging on the rail, HI
foot slipped and bruised his knee on th
doorstone.
"Oh," said he groaning, "I hav
III