Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-05-27
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Red hot-Cayenne pepper.

lasses. 81
Bad taste-Pretty young girls kissing
widowers children.
There is nothing like adversely to bring a
man out-at the knees and elbows
Young folks grow most when IN l love ~
increases their sight wonderfully, -,
The greatest spendthrift- moon, she
is always changing her quarters.
Why is your nose in the middle OF your
face? Because its the scenter.
A Jack of all trades should make sulta-
Bile partner for maid Of all work.
A favorite parlor game Sparkling Sun
day nights )" it takes two to play It,
An anomaly-that the river should be
rising when it is constantly going down.
A critic says of famous singer that she
sings few airs and puts on great many.
A Boston paper admits that the green Or
gan of that city, is the organ Of self-e esteem.
Why is solar eclipse like woman whip
ping her boy? Because it's hiding OF the
sun.
Poor dear man." said women at the fu-
neral Of her fourth husband, che is past trou-
BILE now =. ...... ....-.-f
1t is poor rule that won't work both
ways exclaimed the boy, as he SHE'D the
ferrule at the schoolmaster's hoad.
It is with narrow souled people as with
narrow-necked bottles-the less they have
in them, the more noise they make in pour
ing out.
Never confde in young man, new
pals leak Never tell your secrets to the
aged,-old doors seldom shut closely.
A Texas negro on being arrested for
polygamy, said why hi hasn't got but
four amendments yet, and de law openly
flows de colored man fifteen J
A man in Rhode Island has been sent to
Jail for ten days for sleeping in church
Nothing was done to the clergyman who
put him to sleep.
Jenny she family said, "there's Mish-
tress Mulony. she ows me six shillings."
Och r' exclaimed her husband, "Biddy,
darlint yer sensible to the last"
L am afraid dear wife that while [ am
gone absence will conquer love-"
30 never fear, dear husband, the longer
you stay away the better I shall like you :"
An Irishman charged with an assault,
was asked by the judge whether he was
guilty or not How can I tell was the
reply, till have heard the evidence q
A gentleman asked a friend, in very
knowing manner, Pray, did you ever see
a catfish ? No. was the response, but
I've seen a rope-a0alk.'
A squire in Indianapolis married ascouple
last. week, adapting the service to modern
times, by pronounclng them man and wife,
until .perated by law
A Coon TAKE OFF.-"Jane, give the
baby some laudanum, and put it to sleep,
and bring me my parasol. [ am going to a
meeting for the Moderation of the human
race
Now sir if you were going to draw me
what part would you commence with first.
The boy, with meaning, looked into the
masters face and answered very quietly,
Your neck sir
An exchange says: NO man knows the
full worth of woman till he has loved her. ,
Yes, but many a poor devil finds after the
honey moon has passed, hat the market
rules entirely to high.
A man lately went into a provision store
to purchase corned tongue. The dealer
handed him one, remarking that it was very
nice, and furthermore, it never told a lie
1T is very evident, them replied the purch-
aser that it was never engaged in the pro-
vision business
4 subscriber in Texas complains because
the kerosene which we recommended to kill
bugs on cucumber vines, also killed the
vines Well, who said anything about the
vines It was the bugs We were doctoring.
Anybody ought to know better than to put
it Gu the vines.
4 young lady 10 Galesburg. having set
her cap for rather large specimen Of the OPP
posite sex, and having failed OWN him,
was telling her sorrows to couple Of her
confdants. W en- one of them comforsed her
with these words: Never mind, Mollie,
there are as good fish in the sea as ever
were caught 'blollie knows that, replied
her little brother but she wants a whale. ,
4EEverything has its use, said 2 piloso-
phical professor to his class. of what use
is drunkards fiery red nose ? asked one of
the pupils. It's a lighthouse answered
the professor, TO warn US of the little water
that passes underneath it, and reminds us Of
tt e shoals of appetite, on which We might
otherwise be wrecked.
And ye have taken the tetotal pledge
have YEP said somebody to an lrishman.
-ss 'Tndade have, and I'm not ashamed o.
it aither'
And did not Paul tell Timothy to take
a little wine for his stomach's sake ?
'" So he did but my name is not Timothy
and there's nothing the matter with my
stomach
SMALL TALK FOR STREET MEETINGS.
,Sharp-'Hullo, Blunt, how are you p
Heard the last new riddle? Why's pretty
girl don't look at her, you sly dog y
why's pretty girl, I say like bad shil-
ling !?
Blunt 'Can't say, I'm sure. P'raps
cause she's got head on. ,--9
,Sharp.-'Ha ha! No, that's not it
Look here, you sly dog you (Oohe him IN
the vaistcoaO it's because there is no pass
ing der
Erit Blunt IN profound meditotfon'l