The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-04-16
WIT AND WISDOM.

IAE Grant more popular in this country
than the President-Emigant.
SHoEMAKERs are in favor Of female suf-
frage. They manufacture woman's rights
and let's.
FRONT bravely the object Of your wOrst
apprehensions, and your stoutness will com.
monty make your fears groundless.
The following toast was given At q re-
cent banquet "The rights Of woman-if
she cannot be captain Of ship, may she
always command a smack"
AN old sOaker replied to temperance
lecturer by the following poser: "tfwater
rots the soles of your boots, what effect must
it have on the coat Of your stomachY''
A YANKEE paper says, in an obituary
notice, that ''the deceased had been for sew
eFal years a director Of bank, notwith-
standing which he died a Christian, and
universally respected"
THERE is a kind Of grim humor in the
address Of a dsEout deacon to bis newly set
tied pastor, M No gave him tha usual vel
come: The Lord keep you humble, and
we will keep you poor"
A scHooLMAsTER asked bis scholars IL any
Of them could quote a passage Of scripture
which forbade mans having two wives,
wbereuPon nearly the whole school cried
out, "NO man can serve two masters"
A LITTLE boy. FIVE years old. was found
by bis mother smcaring himself with dirt,
and when asked by her what he was doing,
replied: "Why, you told me God made me
Of dirt, and I'm filing up the holes he
left"
A SMART old western lady, being called
into court as witness, grew impatient ut the
questions put to her, and told the Judge
that she would quit the stand, for he was
lone Of the most inquisitive old gentlemen
she ever seen"
"MY dear Polly, ] am surprised at your
taste in wearing another woman's hair on
your head " said Smith to bis wife. "My
dear Joe, am equally astonished that you
persist in wearing another sleeps wool on
your back. There now"
A woMAN's rights advocate insists that
divorced women have a right to vote under
the Ffteenth Amendment, which provides
that the right Of suffrage shall not be do
MED or abridged on account Of race, color,
or previous condition Of servitude."
''THAT's o tsrnation tall horse" said
Laidlaw. "Yes; I guess you can't &C.
count for it." replied Jonathan. 'No;
bow 2" said LaidlaW. "He belongs to Hum
minis, the livery man." replied Jonathan.
"and bis tallness comes through bis having
been regularly htghsr'd (hired) every day
for the last seven years.
THAT bed is not long enough for me,"
said very tall, gruff old Englishman. upon
being ushered into his bedroom by an Irish
waiter at one of our hotels. Faith, an
you'll find it is plenty long, sir, when you
get into it," was the reply "fOr then there
will be two feet more added to it," Exit
Pat, with foot fetching up the rear.
A PREcocIoUs little girl, after studying
intently for some time chrome picture Of
the Magdalen reclining on her face and
weeping, suddenly turned to her mother
and exclaimed, with great animation
mamma, I know why Mrs. Magdalen il
crying. 1t is because Mr.. Magdalen doesn't
buy her clothes enough"
A FIFKsHIRE man recently took bis child
to the minister to be baptized, who asked
him, "Are You prepared for 50 important
and solemn an occasion n Prepared 4"
he echoed. somewhat Indignantly. 81 hse a
tirlOt o. bannocks bakin', twa hame, an d
gallon O. the best Hieland whisky, an /
wad just like to ken what better prepara-
ton ye could expeck frae man in my con-
dition Of life ?"
A CLERGYMAN at Cambridge preached q
sermon which one of the auditors commend
ed. eyes," said the gentemOn to whom
it was mentioned, ''it was g good sermon,
but be stole il. This was repeated to tho
preacher, who resented it, and called on the
gentleman to retract. II will," replied
the aggressor. ''I said you had stolen the
sermon. I find was wrong, for on refer
ring to the book whence / thought it was
taken, I found it there.
On, marry the man you can love, if you
can love ut all-if be is rich as Rothschilds,
or as Job in his fall. Pray do not marry
for pelf girls, twill bring your souls into
thrall-but marry for love, girls, though
the fortune be small. Oh, never marry a
fop, girls, whether he's little or tall. he'll
make fool Of himself and you, be knows
nothing but to drawl But marry a sober
man, girls, there are few left on this ball
and you will never rue tho day, girls,
that ever you married at all.