The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-01-11
H U M ORC US 1T Z MS


Wash him.
Bas- Is getting tight" the result of
"loose habits"
BSg~ A terrible bore-The inside of
fifteen inch gun.
pSy~ Why is dancing like new milk
Because it strengthens the calves
nsA, To what color does a hogging
change boy? 1t makes him YcH Oh!
peA, Some learned exchange wants to
know if it is possible for Il "niggor" to
have the white swelling
Day~ Come out here and I'll lick the
whole Of you," said an urchin to some
sticks Of candy in confectionery window.
RGyn Want to get married" " Marry
and be darned," said the squire, and shut
the window. 1t was short ceremony,
but they went to living together as man
and wife.
RS5@ Somebody describes the absurd ap-
pearance Of man dancing the polka, in
in this wise " He looks as though he
had a hole in his pocket and was trying
to shake a shilling down the leg Of his
trousers"
paA- In an old burying- ground at Kirk
Cross, in Shetland, the curious in cpl
taphs may read that the death Of Daniel
Robertson, to all appearance a sincere
Christian, was caused by the stupidity of
Lawrence Tullock, who sold him nitre
instead Of salts
nea, Mother" said a little four year
old Carrie, when she came home, have
heard such a smart minister He stamp
ed and pounded, and made such noise;
and then he got so mad he shook his fists
at the folks, and there wasn't any body
dared to go up and fight him."
Rag- An old lady receiving letter she
supposed was from one Of her absent
sons, requested neighbor to read it.
He accordingly began to read, Dear
mother" then pausing, as the writing
was rather Eligible. "It's from my
Johnny" exclaimed the old lady. He
always suffered"
BGg@ A Vicksburg gentleman was found
in neighbor's chicken-coop, with the
head Of pullet sticking out of hole in
his tall hat. On being asked how the
feathered songster got there, he said;
The blasted thing must have crawed
up my trousers leg" He was reprimand-
ed with boot.
Me-. A roaming youth, who declared
that he had made u vast deal Of money
in one part Of the world and another, on
being asked what he had done with it
said he had invested it in houses and
lots. On further inquiry it turned out
that he had laid it out in eating houses
and I.!s Of rum.
DGg~ A Prisoner in England, when
called upon by the Alderman for his de-
fence, said I've ordered lawyer for to-
morrow, and hope your worship will be
so good as to put it off till he comes"
"Why, what can your lawyer say about
it =" "Thats what | want to know,
your worship" said the prisoner.
HeAp During the war of 1912, an Irish
man, taken from on board an American
vessel, was impressed in the British SER
vice. Notwithstanding his rich brogue,
he insisted that he was an American,
though born in Cork. " How can that
be-" was the inquiry. Pat readily re-
joined, "Can't man be born in stable
without being horse? ?"
DaS" A young gentleman, who does not
live a thousand miles from -, was
in the act of popping the question to
young lady the other evening, when just
at the witching time" her father came
into the room and inquired what they
were about?
COP promptly replied the fair one,
"M- was just explaining the ques-
tion of annexation to me, and he is for
immediate annexation" DWELL said
papa, +" if you can agree on the treaty,
I'll ratify it."
neA-. One day resident of some rural
district came to town to buy pair OF
spectacles, having often heard how pair
of GOOD glasses improved the sioht-