Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1870-02-23
Wit and HuInOr.


No farmer can plow a field by turn
ing it over in his own mind.
A good rule-to keep good company
and be one of the number.
A Western girl likes to make bread,
because it cleans her hands so beauti-
fully.
The striking umbrella girls of New
York are 10 form a protective union"
POr life?
Nasty tells of a burglar whose
burglary was complicated with shoot
ing the individual whose house was
b%urglared."
Briggs has a faculty of getting things
cheap. The other day he had a beau
tiful set of teeth inserted for nothing.
He kicked a dog.
What the old mountaineer says of
the grizzly: 'It is a fine thing to hunt
the grizzly; but when he gets to hunt
ing you it's different"
"Where are you going ." asked a
little boy of another who had slipped
and fallen on an icy pavement. Go
ing to get up" was the blunt reply.
When an iIl-natured fellow was try
ing to pick a quarrel with q ~peaceable
man, the latter said: al never had a
fuss with but one man; he was buried
at four o'clock: it is now half-past
three"
\ peddler calling out an old lady to
dispose Of some goods, inquired of her
if she could tell him of any road on
which no peddier had travelled. as he
would like to speculate a little with
some old spectacles? YES" she re-
piled, "the road to Heaven"
A gentleman having occasion to call
on a solicitor, found him in his Office,
which was very hot. He remarked
the great heat of the apartment, and
said, "Ii was hot as an oven" $50 it
ought to be-" replied the lawyer, "for
tits here I make my bread"
A clergyman asked some children,
"Why do we say, in the Lords pray
err, Who art in Heaven since God is
everywhere" He saw a little drum
mer boy who looked as if he could
give an answer, and turned to him for
it: "Well, little soldier, what say
you?" Because it's headquarters"
"Now," said a Yankee at dinner,
"guess I'll show you somethin' that
NO critter in this room ever seed afore,
and not a critter livin' ever will e
again. Dye bet?" The bet was
made, andIthe Yankee took a nut off
the dessert plate, and cracking it, held
up the kernel between his fingers and
thumb. "Now, I calculate none of
yer ever seed that kernel afore, and
(swallowing i'll 1 guess you'll never
see it again. Please fork OUT
In the Catholic Church at Seymour,
Conn.,, the other day, a pair were TO
be married, when in reply to the usu-
al inquiry of the priest, a young lady
arose from among the spectators and
forbade the bans. The priest inter-
viewing her, concluded not to marry
the couple, but, a few days after, per-
formed the ceremony between the
previous male candidate and the lady
who had interfered.
Father Williams, of Providence, is
sharp in retort. The other day he
and a kitualist were in discussion,
when the latter defied the former to
point to a prayer mentioned in Scrip
ture that was not written. Father
Williams said: ''Can 1 ask you a
question ?" Certainly was the
answer. "Tell me, them" said he,
"who held the candle when Jonah
prayed in the whales belly?"
Last Sunday, in one of the Sabbath
schools of u city, says the Burlin-
game HdsOkeye, a Juvenile class was
questioned by its teacher in regard to
the parable of the shepherd and his
flock:
"Who is our shepherd
Jesus"
"Who are Christ's lambs"
1--WE are"
To test the reasoning capacity of the
little urchins:
"If the children are the lambs what
are the grown-up folks?"
Said a bright=eyed little shaver:
"They are the rollicking rams"