Smyrna times., 1870-04-13
Why Aunt Sally Never Got Married.

Now, Aunt Sally. do please tell us why you
meyer got married. You know YOU said once |
that when you were girl You were engaged to !
minister, and promised you would tell us all
about it sometime. Now, Aunt, please do
Well, if | ever did see such girls in my
born DAYS. 1t ) tease tease, from morning to
night. You must know all about everything you
haven't 40 business to know anything about
Such inquisitive pestiterous critters as You are!
When | was young, girls were different; they
minded their own business, and didn' 20 sailing
around with whole string OF beaux getting
their heads filled with all kinds of nonsense.
| never dared to ask my auntS married or sin
gle, about any OF their affairs Pretty mess
| d got in ii | had. When they offered to tell
me anything of their own accord | kept my
mouth shut and listened. Everything is diff
| ferent nowadays; young folks have no respect
! for their elders. But as | see I'm not going to
have any peace till | tell you, why Just listen,
and don't let me hear word out of one Of
your mouths till get through. Well, you see
when | was about seventeen years old | was
living in Utica in the State Of New York
Though | say it myself, was quite good
looking girl then, and had several beaux. The
one that took my fancy most was young min
! lSter, very promising young man, and remark
ably pious and steady. lie thought great
deal of me, and kind of took a fancy to him,
and things ran on till We We're engaged One
| evening he came to me-I remember it as well
as it it were only yesterday. When he came
into the parlor where was sitting alone, he
came up to me and-but now, pshaw girls, |
don't like to tell the rest
:" Oh, Aunt Sally, for mercy's sake don't
stop; tell US what he did.
"Wcll, as said, he came mp to me, and put
his arms around me, and rather hugged me-
when | got excited and somewhat frustrated
it was long time ago, and | don t know but
what | might have hugged him back little
Then felt-but inst now clear out every one
: Of you, | shan't tell you any more.
" Goodness, gracious, no, Aunt Sally. Tel
US how you felt Didn't you feel good? An(
what did he do ncxt"'
? "Oh, such tormentS as you are | was lik
any other girl, and pretty soon | pretended +
5 be mad about it, and pushed him away, thougl
2 | WASH t mad a bit You must know that tn
| house where | lived was on one of the bac
+, streets of the town. There were glass door
o IN the parlor, which opened right out over tn
: street, and no balcony nor anything of the kin
In front of the house. As it was in the sum
mer season these doors were open and the shut
IS ters drawn to. l stepped back a little frOI
Y him. and when he edged up close | pushed hin
c back again pushed harder than intende
: ~, and don you think, girls the poo
o fellow Ost his balance and fell through one {
5 the doors into the street. Yes it's So As h
/ fell gave scream and caught him-but dc
n clare | won't tell anything more. I'm going t
e leave the room.
= No, no, Aunt Sally. How did you cate
d him? Did it hurt him much?
1t 'Wel, if | must, | must He fell hea
\ first, and as he was going caught him by II
e legs OF his trowsers. | held on for minu
lc and tried to pull him back, but his suspende
le gave way and the poor young man fell Gle;
ut out OF his pantaloonS into whole parcel
le ladies ami gentlemen passing along the street
1r on, Aunty, Aunty, Lordy, Inrdy -
or There, that's right; Squall and gigglc
h much as you want too. Girls that cant he
2 about little thing like that without tcaril
IT, around the room, and hc-he-ing in such wa
IN don know enough to come home when
n rains. a nice time the man who marries o
to of you will have, won he? Catch me tellil
v you anything again.
ng :. But Aunt Sally, what became of hin
did you see him again p
It. No, the moment he touched the ground
e got up, and left that place in terrible hurr
ty | tell you 1t was a sight to be remembered
a see how that man did run. He sent me a nc
lc- a few days afterward, saying that the engag
ch ment must be broken off, as he could ney
to look me in the face again after what had ha
on pened. He went ont West, and | believe he
I'd preaching out in Illinois. But he never M
ried felt very bad about it for long tin
-, for he was real good man, and I've oft
ne thought to myself that We should always ha
'nr been happy IF HIS sUsPENDERs HADN'T CIV
ST. WAY"