Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1870-06-03
NUMBER 10.


| "
sun-oonnet IL to be all the rage this
summer ut the watering places. g..- 10
That old lady who has never
seen the cars. was living in Chester
county, Pennsylvania, last week.
In an old Boston tavern the fol-
lowing notice was posted: "Gentle.
men learning to spell will please use
yesterdays paper" "
| A lad named Grown was Killed
last week, at Dover, New Hamshire,
while playing base ball, the ball
striking his head. a-- .s..
Josh Billings says that 1.-THE
lion and the lamb may possibly Law
down together for a fu minits, but
when the lion gets up, the lamb will
DO missing -
An exchange, which wishes to
avoid slang, delicately advises Its be-
ligerent neighbor to "imitate the ex-
ample of the rivulet in time of
drouth."
An old gentleman living In the
suburbs, never has green peas for
dinner, without remembering the
poor In sending the pods to tho or
phan asylum. $751;.
"A clergyman Of Putnam, Conn,
recently married a couple on the cars.
without the other passengers having
any knowledge or suspicion of the
transaction.
The model husband lives In
Lewiston, Me. He takes the baby
with its nursing bottle to his place of
business, leaving his invalid wife to
take her ease at home. vs..
A poet wrote of his departed
love: 1--WE will hallow her grave
with our tears" but the wicked
printer set IL up, 1--WE will harrow
her grave with our steers"
Rev. Henry Ward Beccher says
that instead of greeting each other
with kiss, as Paul advised, people
act as If the command read, "Greet
the brethren with a holy kick"
The Cleveland Herald thinks
the marriage service should be
changed TO read, "Who dares take
this woman?' And the groom shall
answer, II dare" Shame on the
man!
"A Troy lady Is said 10 be SO deaf
that during salute of twenty -one
guns from the arsenal she was OBJ
served to start and listen as the last
gun was fired, and then exclaimed.
Come in."
| In Delaware, where white
Mems parties" and whipping
posts" abound, the school trustees
acknowledge that one third of the
entire population are unable to read
and write.
"A Terre Haute girl perpetrntes
the following cxcruciating bit OF
poetry:
| Since OF your love I was bcreft,
| I've lost some ninety pounds In hefl,
| And now have scarcely ninety left
| How could you be so cruel, JohnH
A wealthy citizen of Madison
county, ILL.,, whose daughter--a
widow with two children-had bsen
for some time supported by the coun-
ty, was sued recently, and Tho full
amount paid by the authorities was
recovered. " .
"A tall gawky, slab sided, red
faced, slow.spoken specimen Of the
country genius. homo, entered the
magnificent Silver Palace dining car.
"St. Nicholas" recently, and in
quired, after looking about for some
time, of Conductor Bennett, as
this a second class car, Mister ?us-
Council Bluffs Times. .......s
Omaha has man who lives with
his family In one of the large iron
tubes nsed In the construction of the
bridge. He was toe poor to buy or
rent even the humblest frame cabin,
so he adopted this singular expedi-
ent. He has constructed neat stone
fire. place i'm his house, and here the
wife and two children manage to
live and get their frugal meals.
The Washington Press says: IA
woman Of this place showed her
rights one day last week, by rush
ing into saloon aud dashing down
the glass Of beer which her guzzling
lord had just raised to his lips, and,
with lightning in her eyes, she defied
the boy To give him another glass,
and challenged hubby to drink an
other. He didn't accept, and soon
left, a sadder and madden man"
AN editor who has been married
about year, speaking of babies,
says: "The delight of days, the tor
meDt Of nights; elegant I'm full dress,
but horrible i'm dishabille; beautiful
on the smile, but maddeniBg on the
yell exqusitely in place In the nur-
sery, but awfplly out OF place In the
parlor or railway carriage; the well
spring of delight, and the recipient
of unlimited spankiugs; the glory OF
pa and the happiness of ma who
wouldn't have 'em 2"
AT Columbus, o., lives Mr.. H.,
who has reputation for the gift OF
prayer. During rivivai IN the
church to which he belongs, lie set
In for special effort, when the pas
tor suddenly remembered that at
that hour. D o'clock, lie had promis-
ed to marry q couple two squares off.
He ventured 10 leave the church, Sec
ing that Brother III. had set in for u
regular "wrestle," aud actually wen.
two blocks, married the couple, and
got back just In time To hear Brother
HIS Finally o Lord -
Two young men-brothers--liv-
| ing by themselves I'm Santa Clara
county, California. working the same
farm, dwelling In the same house,
sleeping In the same bed, and eating
at the same table, are said not TO ha-
spoken to each other for whoie
year. A few nights ago the quarrel
N, In, tt,as, ....... 4