The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1870-03-17
All sorts.

. $1,000 All sorts. a.
a. poor man is to be avolded--he lacks prin.
cipal. @et @ & al@
I. Lawyers should sleep WELT is immateri-
al on which SIDE they lie.
Everything helps, especially If it is kick
when you are going down hill.
The champion halter of a Western city
claims also to be the " universal sympathi
ger, because he has felt for every one.
| A bachelor used the following difcstion
OF hsckEeyed phrase in .congrasu atina a
newly married III end: II wish you much jaw"
A middle aged spinstcr, at q Womans
Rights Convention, said she did not care
aboutfemale suffrage uuIess it carried with it
the right to make proposals OF marriage.
| An old lady who pref. nds to "know all
about 1t, says the only way to prevent
boat EXPLOSIONS Is tomake the engineers
bile their water on shore" In her opinion,
"all the bustin' is done by cooking the
steam on board the boat -
An old lady bought shroud for her
husband the other day, remarking that he
was not dead yet, or particularly anling, but
she didn't think she should ever be abs to
buy 1t so cheap again"
! Over million and half Of human beings
nave been driven TO the work house by the
evlctious of the last twenty years in Ireland.
feature Of Camilla Urso's jubilee at San
| francisco was the Knocking Bird" by the
childreE's chorus, the boys Whistling the re \
sponses. A..-t AttIt" "-l4-t = - 1854
| At nobby childrcn's ball in New York,
where the ages ranged from twoto fourteen
years. the little things were decked out in
! the puffs, panniers and frills of their elders,
/ with powdered or diamond busted hair and
solitaire diamonds. The boy babies retired
| to smoke between the dances. and offered
each other refreshments from, naf-pnt TASKS
OF old rye.
A man in Richmond, Va. advertses for
news of his wife, who went out to take tea
with friend in August last. and never re-
turned. f@ e
At the last count there were I,28S, 900, 900
human beings on the face OF the globe.
man at Lowell, Mass, has made provi-
sion in his will thct he must be buried in
burglar proof safe, when he dies.
\ A hair from King Theodore's head was
among the /" objects of interest :" at = late
meeting ofthe London Mlcroscop ical Society
There wos great swinde uerpetrated in
New York, in the laying of the Fisk pave
ment on Fifth avenue. last year. and the pres.
ent L"gislagur e he's been called on for relief
English tea-drinkers are fthe opinion that
tea carried to them by way Of San Francisco
and New York is less liable&o lose it's flavor
than when shipped by way OF Good Hope or
the Horn,
The express men of New York city have
taken the initiatory steps toward the lorna
tion'of Protective Union.
A man living near Clinton. Lenawee conn
ty, Mich, recently killed Al skunks in three
days, and drew the skins to Adrian on hand
sled eYpt ~ ~
, a Berlin professor says that all children
are born with blue eyes; the darker hues
come later
A clergyman in Belvidere, ~ j., refused to
marry couple because they had only spark
ed for one week. sssl,,.s 81 at s. Et..
Somebody has stolen the only hearse in
: Pennington, Conn.,, and the authorities offer
a reward of $25 for its return with the thief in
it.
! In New Orleans there is man of whom.th
9 papers say: p" He commenced his career as a
pirate l02 years ago, and dow at the age OF
l Is he is dock rat and river thief"
A Maine paper enthusiastically describes
the courage of one Ofits subscribers who cut
7 hole in his burning store, and pulled out 81
3 tirkins of butter with his feet before it had
melted. t1
The flight of a hawk, when its powers are
fully eXerted, has been calculated al $50 miles
an hour; of the elder duck, 80 miles. The
G american pigeon will fly mile minute, and
! the albatross GO miles an hour
S The wife of Boston man ran away to Den.
g yer about two months ago, and the other day
telegraphed her husband to send money fol
her to come home with. He replied, Don I
Y cut your visit short on my account, F" and she
e is in Denver yet.
n Josh Billings says: 81 don't believe in bad
a luck being sot for a man like trap but
}. have known lots Of folks, who ii there was
: any first rate bad luck lying around loose
= would be sure to get INTO it enuy howP'
y An affectionate husband once said Gal
nnor nain &c wit do III
8 doctor shook his head and replied, " You must
V prepare for the worst" s''What." said the
. husband, "do you think she is likely to get
: well?''
;. Mock DUCK.-A beef steak well beaten, g
rich stuffing, such as is used for duck spread
it over the beef and roll it in the form of
a duck, then bake. Make q gravy and pour
e over it.
r The Fenian girls of San Francisco have pre-
q sented George Francis Train with q $500 EN-
eraId surrounded with diamonds on golden
harp.
writer in the GALAXY says that New En-
CHAMBERS are afflicted with some curious com
plants, and names among them conniptior
, hts, magrums, rheumatlcS, hypO, and thai
other strange disease which DR.. Parsons has
n mmortalized-shocanum palsy.
t Al old lady, full of tender sympathy, wa,
. always in the habit of condoIing with those
D who were bereaved by the death of friends
: On one occasion she told mourner that hel
case was not halfso affecting as her own, fol
she had within year lost dear husband, two
chlldren, and five skeins of wooden yarn.
Berkshire, Mass, divine recently deduc-
2 ted 80 cents from the wages of servant girl
who was working at 81 so per week, because
she had another servant girl lodge with her
one night.
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