Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-10-28
I1lInsOr.
Bully--boardinghouse beef.

OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES beef
A musical treat-living next door to a
pianoforte- maker.
The fashionable bcpneE'Though lost to
light, to memory DEAR
'I'm off when you talk of working! as
the cork said to the ginger-pop.
When does tailor serve his customers
i'll? When he gives them fits
Dyeing for love-coloring your mustache
to please woman.
What is that which is often found where
it is not? Fault.
There's one thing which can always be
found, and that's fault.
Embrace as many opportunities as you
please. but only one woman.
No wonder eyes sometimes look pleading
and sorrowful, they are undor the lash all
the time.
A green grocer-one who trusts every
one who applies.
Every young doctor must get on if he
only has patients.
Envy-punishing ourselves for being in
ferior to our neighbors.
An enraged man tears his hair; an enra-
ged woman tears her husbands.
Deacon said minister, after a heavy
sermon, I am tired Indeed, then you'll
know how to pity us, replied the deacon.
A wag says we ought never to be fright
ened at the arrival Of ghost, because it is
quite immaterial
Some one wrote in hotel visitors book
his initials, "A. S. A wag wrote under
meath, Two thirds of the truth
Why is the earth like blackboard Be-
cause the children Of men multiply upon the
face of it.
There is forlorn individual in town
whose credit is so bad that h, can't even
borrow trouble
i see through it now,' as the man said
whose new hat had been kicked until it was
minus crown.
The fireplace is the name Of new drink
ing saloon in Chicago. Any one can get
warm by it for ten cents, or red hot for a
quarter.
A veteran topper says there is one thing
that was never seen comm thro' the rye
and that is the whiskey one gets nowadays
Right, begorrah!
A self threading needle having been in
vented, an anxious old bachelor wants to
know if some one can't design a self-sewing
shirt button.
The natural results-Lawyers are some
times accused Of being wanting in feeling,
but is there anything surprising in men Of
their profession becoming case-hardened?
Remember who you are talking to SIR
said an indignant parent to to facetious
boy; I am your father We'll, who's to
bl anne for Shat said the young imperti-
nence; faint me-
No, my dear, said mother to her daugh-
ter who had been taking a nap before dress
ing for party, you needn't rear1ange your
hair You couldn't make it look rougher if
you did.
In ancient days the most celebrated pre-
cept was: know myself In modern times
it has been supplanted by the more fashion
able maxim, know thy neighbor, and ev-
erything about him.
A lawyer engaged in a case, tormented
witness so much with questions that the poor
fellow at last cried for water. There said
the Judge, I thought you'd pump him
dry
Aunt susan says: Suppose all the men
were in one country. and all the women In
another, with big river between them.-
Good gracious, what lots of poor women
would be drowned"
Silence in the courtroom there! thun-
dered police magistrate the other morning.
sThe court has already committed four pris-
oners without being able to hear word Of
testimony eatr..
A hardy seaman. who had escaped one Of
the recent shipwrecks upon our coast, was
asked by good lady how he felt when the
waves broke over him. 'Wet, nam: very
wet! he replied.
One Of our oldest lawyers says chat the
three most troublesome clients he ever had
were young woman who wanted to be mar
ried, married woman who wanted d.
vorce, and an old maid who didn't know
what she wanted.
A gypsy woman promised to show two Ia
dies their husbands faces in pail of water.
They looked and exclaimed, why we only
see our facesn WELL said the Gypsy, those
faces will be your husbands when you are
married.
An advertisement was sent to the Cleve-
land Herald, in which occur the words,
The Christians Dream: No Gross, no
Crown The laundering compositor made
it read, The Christians Dream; No Co,ys
No Cream.
There is but one word in the Bible I
would have changed said a pretty girl in
our hearing the other day. 1t is where the
Lord says, If a man strikes thee on one
cheek, turn to him the other Also IT is the
word strike-I would have it Kiss.
DO you say your prayers regularly every
night and morning. asked sympathetic
lady Of little shoeblack TO whom she had
just given triae. J. allus seq UNI at night.
mum, but any smart boy can take care Of
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