The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1870-01-07
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: The king of fun-jo- king.

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The king of fun-jo-king.
Very good but rather pointed
as the Goldfish said when it swallowed
the bait.
why is q postage stamp like .
bad scholar? Because he gets licked
aud put In corner.
fare you looking for any one in
particular ?" as the rat said when he
raw the cat watching for him.
Living on hope IL like living on
wind, good way tsw get phull but q
poor way tew git phstt.
When does water resemble a
Eymuastp When it makes spring
When a coward? When 1t runs.
- There is a purple halt to the
grape. mellow hall to tho peach, a
sunny half to the globe, and better
half to man.
- Nature, when sic makes beau
tiiul head, is often 40 absorbed with adj
nlration OF her work tina. she forgets
the brains.
- Wear your learaiug like watch
in private pocket, and don't sndeavor
to show 1t unless you are asked what
o'clock it il.
- There is q Chinaman named
Chang exhibiting In London eight and
n half feet in height. What q Chang
high rooster he wonld make?
a Chicago girl says that she
don't get married tor the reason that
shs don't exactly know whose husband
she might be marrying.
xUt.k,s I;Hararn. h.k-.o.,
water and whiskev? Men slip on the
former when it is frozen, and on the
latter when 1t isn't.
- There are two eventful periods
IN the life OF z woman; one when she
wonders whom she will have and the
other, when she wonders who will have
her.
- Mlrth IL like fash OF lightning
that breaks through a CLEAN Of clouds,
and glitters fer moment, cheerfulness
keeps up 8 kind OF daylight In the
mind, and fills it with steady and
perpetual serenity.
- Wanted-A cover for bare rus
picion, n veil for the face OF nature,
buttons for the breeches Of privilege,
binding fer volume OF smoke, and ce-
ment for broken engagements.
IN China if young man Is not
married by the time he Is 20 years OF
ago he IL drunmed out OF towi,. No
doubt the young ladies OF this country
wish such custom prevailed here.
Go down upon only one knee to
q young lady. Ii you 20 down upon
both you may not be able to escape
quick enough in ease of ths appearance
of an enragsd father.
- A father chiding his son for not
leaving his bed at an earlier hour, told
him as an inducement that a certain
nian being up betImes found \ purse OF
gold. sit may b3 So" replied the son,
"but he that lost 1t was up before him."
- An exchange says . Detroit girl
has been fined $25 for screaming ssmur-
der'' whom fellow Rugged her. The
lover paid the fine. Our devil says the
girls in this section don't scream on
Euch occasions.
1 F. A parson once prefaced his SER
mons with: "My friends let ua say a
few words before we bsgin."
This 10 about equal TO the chap who |
took . short nap before he went to |
sleep.
- A strong-minded woman in New |
York was heard to remark the other |
day that she would marry man who |
had plenty OF money, though he was so
ugly she had to scream every time she
looked at him.
- Mry. Parington has been reading
che health officers weekly reports, and
thinks sstotal" must be an awful mallg-
nant disease since rs many die OF it as
Of all the rest put together.
- A gentleman. who has scolding
wife, in answer to an inquiry after her
health, said she was pretty well, only
she was subject at times to q tsbreak-
Ing out in the mouth"
sR--- How many young men are car
risd away by fins musical voice-a
pretty light footed reeling, ballroom
dancer-a lazy lounging, street yarn
ing flirt-an oiley-tongued, hollow
hearted, deceptive piano-pounder and
regret their folly when, alas, too late
- Little things sometimes produce
yreat results. A drop Of water, lit
lie frost, will explode the mammoth
'ock In twain, match will fre . whole :
.ity, and little busybody gossip of a t
yoman, with little tongue and no c
,rains, will set whole neighborhood
~ the ears.
--"What does the minister say of I
,ur new cemetery ~ asked Mrs. !
lines. "He don't like 1t at all; he '
avs he won't be buried there as long
10 lives"
"Well" said Hines, "if the Lord
pares my life will"
-. Josh Billings says: "I will state 7
Or theinforma.ion OF those who haven't
chance tew lay THAR vermin wisdom +
q freely az hav that one single hor- :
et, who feels well, Will brake up (
arge camp-meeting."
- A countryman entered New g
'edford restaurant where = let ffiam- 3
az msnagerie bills were posted, and
u being asked what he would have re- d
lied. 4- II
81 guess l will take cup Of coffee R
nd three msnageries." Z:
F. A Poor Lad was recently
rought before the Lord Mayor Of Lon
On, who asked him whence he came.
IN Irish yer honor Have you ever
cen to sea ?'-'Well that's good re-
lied Paddy. docs yer honor think n