Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-12-30
One Year Ago.


Many strange scenes have occurred with
in one year. The one hundred and eighty
seventh decade is about to close, and we
he usbered into new one unceremonlous-
". Before we step upon the threshold OF
a new era, and become involved in the
scenes and struggles of life, assuming It's
responsibilities, we ought to 60 back and
square the transactions of the past year,
at least; but before we attempt this COM
mendable enterprise, we will first take a
glance at the amount Of work we would
have to do, and then make up our minds
whether or not we would be equal to the
task of repairing, in the approaching year,
all the breaches we have made in the past.
To begin Let all the merchants and
salesman who have given light weight and
short measure in the past year,add grain
or two to their weights, and fraction to
their yard stick for the coming year.
Let all the ,hoiel keepers, who have fed
their guests on patent coffee, and tea
bought from the Great Pacific Thea Com
pany at a dollar a pound, and last years
beef, and mutton chops with the wool on,
and butter that's able to take care OF itself,
now provide themselves with plenty of
fat. tender beef from the market, and give
their guests, in addition to last years bill
of fare,-a few oyster soups interspersed
with the mirthfulness of Tom and Jerry.
Let all the dealers in strong drinks who
keep small glasses, and very thick, now
get smaller ones, but great deal thicker.
Let all those who have sold turkeys for
the holidays, dressed outside but the in
side remaining in statu quo, now make
apologies to the turkeys for their negli-
gence.
Let all the doctors who have fed their
patients on powders made of scorched
-four, chalk, or magnesia, and sugar coated
pills, now give them some good strong
medicine, such as squill syrup, rhubarb,
jalap, ipecac, glycerine, benzine, or ground
glass.
Let all the lawyers who have duped their
clients on outlets, postponements, demur-
rers, and appeals, now call in their clients
and refund all the money they have receiv-
ed from them for the benefit Of the oppos-
ing party.
Let all the ministers, who have united
in matrimony, young pairs whose parents
didn't know they we're out, now make
apologies to the old folks, and promise not
to do so again.
Let all politicians who have told the
truth and not INDUCED in any evasions,
misrepresentation, or chicanery, now-wear
breast-plate with the seven staple vir-
tues engraved on it, and star upon their
forehead three feet in diameter as reward
of merit.
Let all the school teachers who have
spanked their pupils on the hand with the
ferrule, and pulled their noses and pinched
their ears, now wash their wounds with a
cooling lotion Of gum shellac and turpen-
tine, and donate their ferrule to the socie
ty for the prevention of cruelty to ami
mails.
Let all the young men who have spent
their money for mustache provoking tine
lures, now cease such manly emulations,
and betake themselves to hobby-horses
and playing marbles for keeps"
And finally: Let all who have not OBJ
served the technical rules of good society
for the past year, now commence the new
year by emitting the knotty points of their
experience, and gather with them on their
way retinue of delights that will crown
their life at the ending.