The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1870-03-18
Josh billings ON Rnsfnn.. i.

Boston is the capital of Mass; the sal
Nv the earth, ana the kradle and rocking
boss nv the live Yankee.
It is a city of immensespondulicks, gratt
attempts, vast vicktories, and tremenjuous
learning.
The inevitable skool-marm, the kam.
phene agitator. the warhke debater, all cum
red hot from Boston.
am playkarded to lektur here tonight
at Musick Hall, but how shall succeed the
Lord only knows. for 1, man of no learn
ing. very poor speller, and devoid of i'm
pudense, and got to face poets and skolars,
historyans and sages, besides lots of wim-
min, who have got more education in one
minute than NebudkeneZzer had after 999
years of toll and sweat.
I shall probably make fizzle of it, but
have one consollshun to cheer me, it
won't be my fust iZZle.
Fust fzzles are what try phellow; if he
kan manage one of them, and not all leak
out, there is hope for him, and also a
slight sprinkling of salvashun.
What i hav saw of Boston suits me-
The people are as gentle as lambs, and
know stranger the minitt they git their
eyes on him.
Nobody here is in too much of hurry
to be civil If you hev lost yure hstel
the first man you meet will waste hours
telling you of the different crooks yu must
take to reach it, and finally konklude the
safest way to tell yu how to get thass is to
drop everything and go with yu.
Boston is the ezyest place tew git lost in
with all its morality that have ever tried.
You kan git lost and not kno it till hour
afterward.
There don't seem tew be emmy streets
what run parallel. They all seem tew run
where they pleze, and every street has got
at least one end to it, that brings up in
somebody's door-ysrd.
To learn Boston one should be born here,
or least serve an apprenticeship here for 40
or so years.
Bostonisprincipally celebrated Gustnow)
for its CRATE temperance question.
Whiskee is as aktual skase here, as hair
on the he'd of mi cane.
l haven't dared TO ask the question for
fear of being arrested, but don't suppose,
as near as kan judge, that thare is a square
drink of corn whiskee within six miles of
the city OF Boston, for sale or to let. What
on earth the people live on for drink is
mystery TO me.
Virtew and morality are the two staple
krops in Bosten. This aftt rnoon am 90
ing to be invited out TO ride on the mill
dam, s piece of fast r ad near the city,
which is built in strait line to avoid the
appearance eff trotting track
Bunker hull is not fur oph, and j am
teaZed to stay over tomorrow and visit it,
but allus made it a rule, the quicker kan
Leave town, after have spoke one of mi
lekturs, and got mi money for it, the more
pleazant it is for mi friends to entertain me.
Plimouth rok is likewise sumware in
these adjacent parts. / would like to 90
and stan on 1.-THE man who kan stan on
rok and not puff up sum is a
stony kuss.
Such man probably never had emmy
nor emmy soul, nor emmy giz-
zard, nor emmy fewter prospects in him.
l spent two hours just after breakfast in
the common, which is an uncommon fine
piece of veritable land, inhabited with
grand slms, and lit up day by day with nap
py children.
If had boy that wanted tew elevate
IN the wav he should 90 the most, would
not undertake the job miself but would
take oph the halter and turn him out loUse
in the city of Boston.
1t has been sed by one of her historians,
''that q man oIce born in Boston don't hav
bC" 70 DOAA oEiA. IL lHlS - really sO IL
is great saving.
Relieks are very cheap just now in Bos-
ton. I was offered hemlock board ten
feet long, eight inches wide and an inch in
depth, taken in one piece from the CRATE
Coliseum, for the miserable pittance of
50 so.
1t was dorg sassage cheap, but it was
two dollars more money than had, and
more hemlok board than stood in need of
Brains is the chief artikle of consump-
ton in Boston. Almos everything else is
and tho this is sublime idear,
the consequence is that great deal of
natural genius is neglekted, and the city is
a leetle overstocked with morbid taylors
and languid mantau-makers.
There il one thing that love and re-
spekt Boston for she lets her dead sleep
in old graveysrds ali about the city.
konsider mans bones fust mortgage
on land, that no process but the summons
of Gabriels horn kan remove.