Litchfield enquirer., 1870-12-08
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 MY. WATCH-AN INSTRUCTIVE LIT 2 -'''' TILE TALE. 9o.
BY MARK TWAIN.

- x 44gH s. N&as 3@ My beautiful new watch had run eighteen months without losing or gaining, and without breaking any part of it's machinery
 or stopping. I had come to believe it in fallible in it's judgements about the time of day, and to consider it's anatomy imper
 ishable. But at last, one night, I let il run down. Igrieved about it as if it were 8 recognized messenger and forernnner o1 calamity. But by and by I cheered up
 set the watch by guess, and commanded my bodings and superstitions to depalt Next day stepped into the chief jewellef's to set it by the exact time, and the head o
 the establishment took it out of my hand and proceeded to set 1t for me- Then he said "She is four minutes slow-regulatoi
 wants pushing up." Itried to stop him tried to make him understand that the
 watch kept perfect time. But no; all this
 human cabbage could see was that the watch was four minutes slow, and the reg. ulator must be pushed up little; and so.
 while danced around him in anguish an d beseeched him to let the watch alone, he calmly and cruelty did the shameful deed. My watch began to gain. It gained fasler and faster day by day. Within the week it sickened to raging fever, and it's pulse went up to a, hundred and fifty in the shade. At the end of two months 1t had 1t 1t all the tlmepleces of the town far in the rear, and was a fraction over thirteen days ahead of the almanac. It was away into November enjoying the suow, while the Octobei leaves were still turning. It hurried up house. rent, bills payable, and such things, In such ruinous way that I could not d. bide 1t. took it to the watchmaker to be regulated He asked me if had ever had it repaired. I Isaid no, it had never needed any repairing. He looked look of vicious happiness and eagerly pried the watch open, then put small dice-box into his eye and peered into it's machinery. He said 1t wanted cleaning and oiiing, besides regulatlng-come in week. After being cleaned and oiled and regulated, my watch slowed down to that degree that it ticked like tolling bell. began to be left by trains, failed all appointments, I got to missing my dinner; my watch strung out three days grace to four and let me go to protest; gradually drifted back into yes- terday, then day before, then into last week. and by and by the comprehension came upon me that all solitary and alone l was lingering along in week before last, and the world was out of sight. 1 seemed to detect in myself sort of sneaklng feI- low feeling for the mummy in the museum, and desire to swap news with him. went to the watchmaker again. He took the watch all to pieces while waited, and then said the barrel was ''swelled." He said he could reduce it in three days. Al ter this, the watch aperdged we'll, but noth- ing more. For half a day it would go like the very mischief, and keep up such bark ing and wheezing and whopping and sneez ing and snorting. that could not hear myself think for the disturbances; anl as long as 1t held out, there was not watch in the land that stood any chance against it. But the rest of the day it would keep on slowing down and fooling along until all the clocks it had left behind caught up a. gain. So at last, at the end of twenty -four hours, it would trot up to the judges stand all right and just on time. It would show a fair and square average, and no man could say it had done more or less than it's duty. But correct average is only mild virtue ID watch, and took this instrument to another watchmaker. He said the kingbolt was broken. l said was glad it was noth- ing more serious. To tell the plain truth, l had no idea what the kingbolt was, but I did not choose to appear ignorant to & stranger. He repaired the kingbolt, but what the watch gained in one way it lost in another. It would run awhile and then stop awhile, and then run awhile again, aud so on, using it's own discretion about the intervals. And every time 1t went of It kicked back like musket. padded my breast for few days, but finally took the watch to another watchmaker. He picked 1t oil to pieces and turned the ruin over and oyer under his glass; and then he said tharo frNsh A. with the hair trigger. He fixed it, and gave it 8 fresh start. It did we'll now. ex- cept that always at ten minutes of ten the hands would shut together like pair of scissors, and from that time forth they would travel together. The oldest man in the world could not make head or tail of the time of day by such watch, and so I went again to have the thing repaired
 This person said that the crystal had got bent, and that the handspring was not straight He also remarked that part of the works needed halfsoling. He made these things all right, and then my time- piece performed unexceptionably, save that now and then, after working along quietly for nearly eight hours, everything would let go all of sudden and begin to buzz like bee, and the hands would straight- way begin to spin round and round so fast that thelr Individuality was lost complete ly. and they simply seemed delicate spi, der's web over the face of the watch. Sue would reel of the next twenty -four hours iu six or seven minutes, and then stop with bang l went with 3 heavy heart to one more 'watchmaker, and looked on while he took her to pieces. Then I prepared to cross question him rigidly, for this thing was getting serious. The watch had cost two hundred dollars originally, and l seemed to have paid out two or three thousand for repairs. While waited and looked on, presently recognized in this watchmaker an old acquaintance-a steam boat engineer of other days, and not good engineer either. He examined allthe parts carefully. just as the. otner watchmakers had done, and then delivered his verdict with the same confidence of manner.
 X He said: a1a1 q aa !I
 She made too much steam-you want to hang the monkey wrench on the safety valve !'' .at
 brained him on the spot and had him buried at my own expense.
 My uncle William (now deceased, alas ] used to say that a good horse was good horse until 1t had run away once, and that a good watch was good watch until the repairers got chance at it. And he used to wonder what became of all the unsuc- cessful tinkers, and gunsmiths, and shoe