The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1870-01-26
FACETIE.

WY as tnt ieIter ~ ike q SQualllnI
child7 Because it makes Ma mad.
Why is the letter Y like young
spend-thrift Because it makes Pa
| pay.
What does nitro become when il is
used in making gunpowders An ig-
inter.
Why is benevolent man like a
cart horses Because he stops at the
sound of woe.
care you fond of tongue, sir.' 81
was always fond of tongue, madam
and like it still.
| Retort.-One saying to another E'Yo,l
/ speak foolishly,' he answered, sIt is
| that you may understand me-"
'Tently the dews are DER me steal
ing" as the man said when five due
bills were presented him at one time.
A schoolmaster once said to himself,
~ am like a hone; | sharpen Il number
of blades, but wear myself away in
doing it,"
Why does the letter B in the word
jubilee resemble a secret known only
to us two? Because it is between you
and /.
A coquette may be compared to tin
der, which lays itself out to catch
sparks, but does not always succeed in
lighting match.
Why is p man searching for the phil
osopher's stone like Neptune Because
he is soaking (seeking) what never
existed.
According to the laws of retaliation,
what right have you to pick an artists
pocEet9 Because he has pictures
(picked yours.)
A young lady being asked whether
she would wear a wig when her hair
turned gray, replied with great ear
nestness, "Oh no; I'll dye firstp
~ wonder this child don't go to
Sleep" said an anxious mother to a fe-
male friend. "Well, | DON'T" replied
the lady, ''its face is so dirty it cannot
shut its eyes"
A young lady, intending to paint her
cheeks with rouge, put all the paint on
her nose, and did not discover her en-
ror until she was requested to "sign
the pledge!"
"What name do you intend to give
your boy 2" asked friend of his other
friend yesterday. swell, as he has
terrible sore eyes, believe l shall call
him Isaac" (Eyes-ache.)
'Do you understand me, now q,
Numbered out lasty pedagogue to an
urehin at whose head he tire y an ink
stand. 81 have gotan ink ling of what
You mean," replied the boy.
\ man in New Hampshire, Who, ac-
cording to the Discrimination is lO6
years oldris said to have just lett off
the use of tobacco, because ats effects
are injurious, and it tends to shorten
life"
The son Of fond father, when going
to war, promised to bring home the
head of one of the enemy. His parent
replied, 81 should be glad to see you
come home without Il head, provided
you come home safe"
81 an, as tired as an old horse" OBJ
served the editor of the Dublin Mail to
IL friend the other evening. sNo won
der" observed Mccarthy, when you
have been employed 50 long i'll for
warding the Mail"
"Motier," said fellow the other
day, sis there any harm in breaking
eggshclls 2" Certainly not, my dear !;
but why do you ask 2" "Cause |
dropped the basket just now, and see
what Il mess I'm III with The yolk."
The following is the introduction to
piece of poetry, in Il late periodical :
"The following lines We're written more
than sixty years ago by one who has
for many years slept i'll his grave, mere-
ly for his own amusement
An auctioneer, putting up an antique
Roman helmet for sale, told the COM
pany he was informed tl.at it had be-
longed to Romulus, the Roman fOun-
der; but whether he was an iron or a
brassfounder he could not telln
A contemporary says that transcen-
dentalism is the spiritual cognoscence
of psychological irrefragibility, con-
nected with concuitant ademption of
encolumnient spirituality and ether
ialised contention of subsultory con-
concretion.
A braggart sportsman, boasting of
the capabilities of very Indifferent
horse, swOre that the animal would
have won certain race, only lie ran
against wagon. "The only thing"
said a bystander, shat he is fit to run
against"
A man with a tall thin wife, remark
ed, that whatever else he might have
on his table, he was always sure to
have IA spare rib at dinner; ''and," he
added, very ingenuously, sit is some
thing of which | am extremely fond, /
assure YOU"
~ say, Jim, they tell me there is a
man down East that is so industrious
that he works twenty hours day.
"How is that, Cuffyg There is only
twenty-four hours in q day." "Why,
he gets up an hour before daylight,
you stupid niger"
a London paper laments the failure
of the olive crop in Italy and Spain,
because it will render olive oil scarce
and high but a New York paper says
the failure of the olive oil will make no
difference in America, iEaslnuch as IN
unfailing supply of olive oil is made
from the lard of Western piUs