Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1870-08-11

,"Well, so 1 am. I am OWN Grimes q.
bill for amonth's board, and I am obliged
toyou for he money topay It" ~
l3f sE-seEF. 81 81
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS. -
A STAR of the .eveningA& Policeman
THE shades of; night-Wfndow cur
etainsl Ysri.,r Ei-...ff .q..-T Il ,
THE grandest verse in existence-The
universe. -
FLowERs that are always. falling off,
Bachelors buttons.
DOES a man lose his health When some.
A MAXIM for the salad season: Two
heads are better than one.@Gt 10 Ssa94a
IT is said that the connecting link be-
tween the animal and vegetable is hash.
EVERY member of the Washington Life
success. z go -
A GOOD kick out of doors, to some, is
better than all the rich uncles in the
world.
AMERICANS are said to be the greatest
wearers of gloves of any nation in the
| world. 't
"A BosToN saloon displays a, card on
which is, "No religious discussions allow
ed here" .fE
l. 1AE pOuCl6S. u Lie WdeA4aSIOh oAO
| raid within sixty days after receipt of
| proofs of death.
."VAcUUM CURRY is the happy name
placed upon the door of a boarding house
in Boston. r-s-
A LEcTURER in New York is instruct
ing people how to distinguish a mad dog.
a bite is a good Indication bis. %
IT turns out that the woman who hasn't
| spoken to her husband for twenty years
never had one to speak to- ssE u ~
IN Hebron, On the graYestone of a Mrs.
/ Buel, Is this peculiar verse:
"Dear as thou art and justly dear, ,.ahe-F.
Wee Will not weep for thee.
One thSugh shaIe9eck the falling tear. !
"IF I should be drowned in this storm,YYI
said a soldier named Underwood, to the
captain of the ship, "coald7 you get me
up an e~pitaph?' Eyes, I'd suggest this
''Here lies, escaped from blood and slaughter,
Once Underwood, now under water.h
"JRfMY, my boy, take these eggs to the
them back. The boy went as directed, and
came back, saying. Father, it takes me
to make a trade. They all wanted them
for 40 cents, but I screwed them down to
25." sH 81 s4G % AJHN tju'
A MAN, slightly p~retentious, fond of
display, and somewhat ignorant, recently
called the attention of Some visitors to IA
4 SA4O W. - ~ "a OAS III "a dP1A AOLA
with the remark, There, gentlemen, that
Is one of the best carpets Mr. BrHssels
0Uer made I" f.iirt =
"A JOURNALIST has been sojourning for a
fortnight in the White Mountains, and
says. that he has enjoyed himself very
muchs having fallen into six rivers,
sprained his ankle, skinned his face and
neck, and broken three ribs the first nine
days. ..,tk slg.- - = .sG:Tst
you mean to be when you have grown
tup9"@Georgelpromptly can artist =
Visitor. "Well, then, you shafi paint my
portrait" George. "AhI but Imesn to
paint pretty things"
WoRD vassentt to the City:MarshalI of
Augusta that a fellow. was selling LSckers
from a wagon IN Market Square. He went
to arrest him and confseate his stock, and
found himself the victim of ar atrocious
pun. |Fhe man was peddling horse sohips!
A individual, walked .upzto
the Office of the Stockton House, Cape
May, one day recently and with CON
siderable flourish, signed the book, and
exclaimed, '9'm ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS, of
- '"That don't make any difference"
says the polite clerk, "you will be treated
just as. well as the others" rfgsITTIEiI
SAID distinguished politician to his
son: "Lookat me II began. as an Alder,
Il uI0A, anu AOAC 1 ILL ~ fap bLSO I
land what is my reward? Why, when l
die my son will be the greatest rascal in
the United States.t' To this thef young
hopeful replied ayes, dad, which you
die, but not till then" 80 IA
"A PHOTOGRAPH room isn't a good
place to sulk in. A short time since a
boy employed as assistant at Erie, got his
dander up because he couldnt have a
holiday, and leaned against the doorpost
in a brown study. The photographer is
I q quiet Joker, and instead of beratihg the
boy, he Sslyly adjusted the lens, took a
negative. and the nextsday presented the
youth with q copy Of the most ifeike
sulkiness ever seen. -rf,
barber, and a bald headed
man were travelling together. Losing
their way, they were forced to sleep in
the open air, and to avert danger, it was
agreed to watch by turns. The lot first
fell on the barber, who, for amusement,
shaved the FOOLS head while he was sleep
! ing. He then awoke him, and the fool,
raising his hand to scratch his head, ex-
claimed, "Here's q pretty mistake; you
have awakened hesbaldsheaded man m4
stead ofme."
ANEW story ofhota chargesaA visitor
passed two days at a famous hotel at
Ohantilly, and then called for his bill. At
sight of the sum charged he was furious
GA hundred and ten francs for two
days % he exclaimed; "a hundred and
ten francs for two or three bad dinners
and two wretched nights passed in a bed
full of bugs 70 GLOW ?" Were there
bedbugs ?" said the hotel keeper in de-
| light, 6and I was going to forget them.
Give me the bill" The traveller handed
back the bill to the landlord, who added:
Bedpugs u francs.