The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1870-08-04
IThe NiSefies or "a Handsome Man.

The MISefies ora Handsome Man.
From PunehlntllO. ..
Ever since my earliest recollections !
have been q victim to circumstances,
Beauty, which others desire and Try
every means TO obtain, TO me has been
source OF untold misery. From my In:
fancy, when ugly women with horrtd
breaths would stop my nurse in tho streets
and insist upon kissing me-thr0ugh my
sChool.lays, when the girls would pet me
and offer me share ottheir nuts and can
dies, and the boys laugh at me in conse'
QuenCe, and call me "gal.bOy," squirt ink
upon my face for beauty.spots, and present
ne with Curl.papers md flowers Tor my
hair-until the present, when l am denied
introductionS to young ladies md am put
Oft on old wOmGn-I have suffered for my
looks.
In my clearinghouse Gm Stunned as
II ! had the plague. When ! enter the
parlor or dining.roOm, see the ladies look
at each other with u knowing air, as much
as 10 say, "LOok at him " And the an.
swer Is telcgraphed back, "Ain't he hand.
some? but lie knows 1t" as il ! could
help knowing 1t with every one telling me
30 fifty times II day; and husbands pay un-
usual attention 10 their wives when ! am
around, as II / were an ogre. !.
l am naturally modest man, made
more so by my extreme sCnsitivcness to
personal criticism; md TO be obliged TO
stand apparently unconscious, when l
know | am being looked NJ and COM
mcntcd upon, is narrowing to my feelings.
/ feel sometimes us If should drop down
OH the floor, but then folks would never
stop laughing il ] did, mt what they would
be pleased 10 term my extreme ladylikc.
ness have actually prayed that !
might get the smallpox, aud once walked
through the smallpox hospital for that
purpose, but escaped unframed.
suppose must haVe been vaccinated.
In fact, know I have been, fOrhOw OItcn
have looked at the scar on my arm, and
wished 1t had been on my check, or ut the
end Of my nose, or, in fact, any place
where it might be considered bl0mish
When was child came near killing
myself one night by going TO bed with
two large bottle.corks thrust into my nos
trlIs, to make them large, like other boys;
and have made my mouth sore by stretch
ing it with my fingers, or forcing melon
rinds intoit, to enlarge it. But it was use.
less; perhaps the mouth might be sore for
couple Of days, but Its shape remained
unaltored. . ..
Now that | am u man, l am u.s. unfOr.
tunatc us ever. My hair tCM curl, even
when shaved within half an inch Of the
scalp; my mustache will stay jet black,
although sometimes wax the ends Of 1t
with soup, and walk Oh the sunny side Of
Broadway; my teeth are perfect, and |
never need dentist; and my hands are'
shameful for II man, $50 oil Of my old
maid alntS ind bachelor uncles say.
My affections have been triiled with
several times, "because," rs they said,
+when they had drawn me to the propos.
ing point, | WIS too handsome to be good
for anything us husband-I did very
well for beau" Goodness Is 1t only
ugly men that can marry? I want to
marry and settle down; Tor I am so
Sighted in society that l look with envy
upon hOmely or nis-shapen men.
But who will havemeg Iput it 10 you,
my friend, If 1t isn't u hard case. l want
mi intelligent and agreeable wife, and one
that comes Of respectable family. l
don't think UNI asking too much, but il
seems fate hns determined such q one |
Gun never have! 1 have either to remain
single, or take one that is Ignorant and
vulgar" That, oil course, would be as
much remarked upon as my appearance,
so II cannot be thought Of
want to escape observation and criti'
cism. I think strongly of cmigrating to
the Rocky Mountains, looming rough
curb, and digging for gold, in the hope Of
getting rounll-shOuldercd; or hiring my
self ont rs wood.choppcr, in anticipa.
ton Of a chip flying up and taking Oft
part Of my obnoxious nose.
II there were no women around, l
might escape notice out there. But If one
happened 10 come along. should be
obliged 10 leave, for herscyes would ferret
out my unfortunate peculiarities, aud all
my wounds would be opened Nircsh.
Sometimes think there is no spot on the
globe where l would be welcomed; and l.
feel inclined 10 commit some desperate
decd, that I may be arrested and confined
out Of the sight Of man and woman.kind,
until l am aged anil bent enough to be
preSentablC.