The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1870-03-03
All Sorts.

VERY FAST MEN.-Those who beat thei
wives.
An old lady who was asked what shc
thought of the eclipse, replied, "Welf, il
proved one thing-that papers dent always
tell lies"
A colored lady, Boosting the other day o.
the progress made by her son in arithmetic
exultingly said g He is in the modification
! table"
Speaking of the holidays, a Nevada paper
says 7" Pipfeathers with little meat attach
ed, cost dollar" He alluded to chickens
Gossips link the names of General Sheridan
and Miss Harris, Washington belle and
blonde, in their matrimonial talk.
J. G. strawn, son of the great Morgan coun-
ty farmer and stock raiser, returns an income
for 1869, of 81, 900 as farm profits.
John G Dennis has been prosecuted in Wor-
cester, Mass, for attempting suicide, and is
under bonds for trial.
If young man likes girl, he may give her
a present. 1.-The loves her he should offer her
future.
The merchant who has been for some time
bent on pleasure is at last broken.
A contemporary reports money "close, but
not close enough to be reached"
You might as we'll try to shampoo an Ele.
phant with thimble full Of soap. srds as to
do business without the use of printers ink
DR.. Holmes says that easy crying widows
take new husbands soonest. There is moth
ing like wet weather for transplanting.
Russia demands interest on the Alaska pur-
chase money from the date of the stipulation
of treaty to the actual day of payment.
A learned doctor, referring to tight lacing.
AYERS that it is a positive benefit, inasmuch
as it kills all the foolish girls and leaves all
the wise ones to grow up to be women.
Among other extravagances perpetrated by
the Sultan of Turkey, in honor of Eugene,
on her late visit to Constantnople, was the
preparation of dish composed entirely of
ostrich brains
a conscrpt being told that it was sweet to
die for his country, excused himself on the
ground that he never did like sweet things.
A young lady went to photograph artist
recently and wished him to take her picture
with an expression as if composing poem
Wyoming offers to send Anna Dickinson to
Congress if she will come out there and live.
Louis Napoleon is comforted with the
thought that there are only eleven political
parties in France. ftt
josh Billings says: :" Tew enjoy good rep
utashun, give publicly and steal privately"
A school master asked one of his fair pupils,
lean you decline kiss % Dropping per-
picked courtesy, she readily replied, " Yes sir
but don't like to-"
A committee appointed to investigate an
alleged charge of undue punishment inflic-
ted by a school teacher, reported " that the
punishment was not actuated by malice, but
was occasioned by an undue appreciation OF
the thickness of the boys pantaloons."
Perhaps one of the best puns ever perpetra-
ted in this country was that of young officer
at the time the Army of the Potomac was in
winter quarters in "dog-tents +" near Brandy
Station. He wrote to a brother officer 1--WE
are in winter quarters to all 1n-tents and
purp-houses.'
The Boston papers congratulate couple
upon having got themselves successfully
married alter courtship oftwenty- -four years
A young man, accompanied by his lady love,
stopped at one of our boarding houses for
dinner, the other day. Never having seen any
fish-balis, he handed one to his lady, under
the impression that it was doughnut. AT
ter breaking his own open. he carefully ex
amlned it, then smelt Of it, and with sepul-
chral voice said : s. Sal, don't eat that dough
nut; there is something dead in this ~
A rich Mussulman at Smyrna has just died
leaving no heirs-at-law, and 100000 thus
drops into the Turkish Treasury. where it is
very much needed.
The first coin made in the Philadelphia
mint, was the copper cent in 1898 The first
silver dollar was made in 1901, and the first
gold eagle in I795-
The seleetmen:of Douglass, Mass, have de-
creed compulsory vaccination for all the in
habitants Of the town, on account of the oc-I
currence of case of smallpox.
The Paris workmen who went out to bury
Noir lost Sl50, 900 in wages, and he whole less
to trade by the demonstration is put at $500,
600.
A Woman recently fell out of a fifth story
window in Paris, upon the head OF foot pas
senger. They both had roll in the mud,
but neither was badly injured.
The Lrod Mayor of London, at recent
meeting to promote emigration, estimated
the number of skilled workmen out OF en-
ployment in England as between 10000 and
$4,000.
An autograph of George Washington sold
at Leavitt & Strebeigh's sale in New York, on
Saturday, for $3.50. Washington's auto
graphs are higher now than they were few
months ago. as the man who makes them has
been in jail at Philadelphia ever since Octo.
ber
The Racine Journal dishes up calico parties
as follows:
Calico shirts with calico wristbands;
Calico women with their husbands;
Calico boys with calico girls
All will unite in joyous twirls.
Calico lads with calico socks;
Calico lasses with calico frocks,
And ala those who intend to go
Will, of course, dress in calico.
! A negro boy stole doll il Petersburg, Va,
/ the other day, and while protesting ms lnno-
cence, unwittingly pressed as &c endeayor-
ed to hide it more completely under his shirt
/ The doll gave a loud squeak, and the negro
who had never heard of crying dolls before,
! turned almost white, and thought miracle
had been performed in his case.