The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1870-10-06

lessly bound to travel the broad, gud-
eon-beaten path, that leads to beatifc
moonsline, white kids, orange bios
SONS, affairs and benevolent parsons,
vine-clad cottages, grocer bills, wash
days, and biscuits, slop coffee, seedy
hats, patched elbows, faded calicoes,
drudgery, "squalls" and variegated
unpleasantnesses! Poor wretches!
Heaven help them! t'
SPEECH OF ZACARIAH sPICER.
Mr.. Spicer was called upon to speak
to the question, Which enjoys the
greatest amount of happiness, the
bachelor or the married man," He
responded as follows - sls
p Mr.. PRESIDENT AND GENTLEMEN
[ rise to advocate the cause of the
married man. And why should not
l claim to know something about that
institution-I do. Will any gentle
man pretend to say that I do not?
Let him accompany me home. Let
me confront him with my wife and
seventeen children, and then decide.
High as the Rockey Mountains tow
er above the Mississippi Valley does
the married man tower above the
bachelor. What is bachelor? What
was Adam before he became aquaint-
ed with Eve. What but poor, shift
less, insignificant creature? No more
to be cnmpared to his after self, than
a milldam to the great roaring cataract
of Niagara. (Applause.) iaf.,
Gentlemen, there was a time, q
blush to say IT'D when I, too, was
bachelor; and more miserable crea-
ture you would hardly expect to find.
Every day toiled hard-and at night
l came home to my comfortless garret
no carpet, no fire, no nothing. Eve
rything was in a clutter, and in the
words of the poet s.4fI sae
Confusion g was monarch of all he surveyed.''
Here lay a pair of pants, there
dirty pair of boots; there a play bill;
and here pile of dirty clothes. What
wonder that I took refuge at the
gaming table and bar-room. 1 found
it would never do, gentlemen, and in
lucky moment vowed to reform.
Scarcely had the promise passed my
lips, when knock was heard at the
door, and in came Susan simpkins,
after my dirty clothes. -.
'Mr. Spicer," said she, GIVE wash
ed for you six months, and I haven't
received the first red cent in the way
of payment. Now, I'd like to know
what you are going to do about it"
1 felt in my pocket-book there was
nothing in it, and 1 knew it well
enough.
aMiss simpkins," said I, "it's no
use denying it, I haven't got the pew
ter. I wish for your sake, l had"
Then," she said promptly, 81 don't
wash another rag for you"
e = Stop" said Susan, I viii do
what ] can for you. Silver and gold
have I none; but if my heart and
hand will do, they are at your SER
vice"
care you in earnest?" said she
looking little suspicious. .-,.g.s.
"Never more so" said I.
Them" says she, cas- there seems
to be no prospect of getting my pay
any other way, I guess I'll take up
with your Offer" ~. ,.,a
Enough said. We were married in
week; and what's more, we haven't
repented it. No more attics for me,
gentlemen. I live in a good heuse,
and have somebody to mend my
clothes. When l was poor misera-
BILE bachelor, gentlemen, used to be-
as thin as a weasel. Now, 1 am as
plump as porker. efj 1851 Il 81
In conclusion, gentlemen, if you
want to be poor, ragged fellow,
without costtO your back, or a shoe
to your foot, if you wantato grow old
before your time, and as uncomforta-
BILE generally as a hedgehog rolled
up the wrong way" I advise you to
remain a bachelor; but if you want
to live decently and respectfully, get
married. I've got ten daughters, gen.
tlemen, (oEerpowering applause and
| YOU NAV have your nick.
Mr.. Spicer sat down, amid long
continued applause. The generous
proposal with which he concluded Sc
cured him five sons-in-law. aoaz