davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-04-21
Price Reduced.

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The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-04-21

A midsnipman asked priest to tell him
the difference between priest and a
jackass. The priest gave it up.
"One wears cross on his back, the 9TH
er on his breast" said the midshipman.
"Now," said the priest, "tell me the
difference between midshipman and a
jaekass!
The midshipman gave it up and asked
what it was. The priest said he did not
know of any. ~.
The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-04-21

A Nevada man calls his wife his "sage
ben," and she calls him 'tearing grizzly"
The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-04-21

A Mormon preacher proposed to con;
vince the people of an Iowa town that the
institution was all right, but it took hitA
so long to remove the tar and feathers that
the discourse was indefinitely postponed.
"Dirt, Death and the Devil" is,whst
Kentucky man is lecturing about. H,
A Missouri editor'sname is Wuf-a-dam:
His paper isn't.
"Coffee and fresh laid eggs by Mrs:
Harris," reads sign on an IndiaRa rail-
road.
An Indiana man has secured d patent
on new barrel bung. n
A Nevada Judge fines himselffor swear
ing, but RENTS the fine.
A crusty old bachelor says he thinks it
is woman and not her wrongs which should
be redressed:
The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-04-21
THE JURY OF THE PERIOD.
Exciting Scene In a Modern Court


Exciting Scene In Modern Court,
Forewoman--( To the eleven other unbi-
ased creatures s)-"Well, Mrs. Grundy,
don't suppose there's any doubt in your
minds as to the guilt of this awful thing
Miss Pettibone You reAambef how
she firted with Mrs. Hempstead's half
witted husband right under our nosesl
never told you before, Mrs. Hampstead,
for | did not want to make trouble"
Miss P. and Mrs. II. simultaneously
sob we rember; hanging is too good for
her"
Forewoman to Mrs. WallOper (mother
ofseven maidens, between twenty-eight and
thirty-eight)-"I don't presume you've
forgot the nasty tbItg's goings-on at Sara
toga- wearing more clothes than she could
honestly come by W
Mrs. Walloper (who recolects perfectly
how Aramita and the rest of 'em we're un-
noticed, while the prisoner under trihl
danced with every one, and enjoyed her.
self immensely)-"Her conduct was scan
dalOus she richly deserves hanging"
Five ofthe daughters being on the jury,
chorus unanimous approval.
In five minutes more all tongues wag at
once in rehearsing damning "reminiscences,
The jury start for the courtroom in double
quick, lest any weak mind form another
opinion.
Handing black cap to the judge (each
one having made one the night before)
the fOrewoman, with great dignity, and
looking horrible look at the wretched
culprit, thus delivers herself:
"We 6nd-that is Miss Pettibone and
me-that this vile, nasty thing hain't be.
gun to be found out in all her dreadful
dOihgs, and we cenaure them young men
on the back seats that have encouraged
her by bows and smilings whilst we have
been listening to the convincing evidence
of her guilt, and we find that in the evil
dence it hain't yet come out what she is
Here's Mrs. Walloper can tell your wor-
ship and honor things that will make your
hair stand up on top of your head"
Bald-headed Judge-''Never mind fur
ther narrowing details; come to your yer-
dict"
Mrs. Gruhdy Indignantly )-That's just
what know-the nasty thing always has
the men on her side--and didn't tell you,
Miss Pettibone, that the minute we give
in our verdict we should meet opposition.
Judge (benignly)-"Render your ver-
dict, vii! you 1t will meet no opposi-
zion from the bench"
Mrs. Grundy (savagely)-"Perhaps
some of you would like to hear what this
injured woman, Mrs. Hampstead, can tell
you of the infamous creature you are all
anxious to protect"
Judge-"Madam, if you have arrived at
verdict announce it and take up the
time of this court no longer"
Mrs. Grundy, Pettibone, etc., blazing
"Yeswe have come to verdict-hanging,
is too good for her."
Mrs. Walloper-"She's to be hung to-
morrow afternoon at 2 O'clock"
Mrs. Grundy (savagely)-"Be you head
of this jury or me! She's to be hung to-
day."
General row in the jury box.) Judge
(yelling)-"Shut up those women and re-
move the prisoner-this court is adjourn
ed,'
The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-04-21

ana Llnseed VII. rants, &C.
Call and examine before you
purchase elsewhere.
W. buy Bacon, Lard, Grain of
all kind, Eggs, Butter, Feathers,
Dry Hides, Clean Cotton and Lin
en- Rags, Tallow, Flax Seed,
Meal and Flour. For which we
pay'as much as the market will
justify, either in goods or cash.
We are also Agents for the
Buckeye MOWER AND REAP
Err, and would be pleased to re-
ceive orders from persons in need
Of these articles.
The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-04-21

At late Afilita muster in Kghsucky;
a big keg was used for drum. If thefe
was anything in the keg, we guess they
rallied at the tap.
The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-04-21

A womsn at Ashland, Ohio, Rps jdft
coughed up fish bone that she swallowed
forty-two years ago.
The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-04-21

Josh Billings says: "If was in the
habit of swearing, 1 wouldn't hesitate I'd
cuss bed-bug right to his face.
The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-04-21

A short time since, two young ladies,
we'll known, were holding high converse
over a certain new dress.
"And does it fit we'll :" asked one.
"Fit as if I'd been melted and poured
inn
The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-04-21

An Iowa man pointed and snapped i
shotgun at his mother-in-law the othef
day to see if it was loaded 1t Vas.
The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-04-21

A Louisiana ifiaH walked fifty faiies to
get converted, but got into fight and had
to return for bandages and salee:
The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-04-21

1t is rumored that trained dog5 are soon
to be introduced to hold up ladies' long
dresses on wet days.
The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-04-21

,,Aunt," said a little three-year old,
one day, 81 don't like my aprons to be
starched 50 much. So much starchness
makes the stiffness scratch my baroness.
The Sweetwater enterprise. (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1869-187?, 1870-04-21

A contemporary suggests that lady, on
putting on her corsets, is like man who
drinks to drown his grief, because in So
lacing herself, she is getting tight
Smyrna times., 1870-02-09
Irritable TnvaIidS.

Indigestion not only effects the ply ,ica LesltJiby,
positions and empers Of its victims. The dyD.,,i
too. in a measure, demorazed by his suRerngs M nt
fits Of irritation, suenness, Or despair as IN. CAS-
preternatural sensitiveness which he cams, ,,,
him miscOnstrue the words and aeti5ns of lo L
and his intercourse with those nearest s,c d.,
him is not unfrequenty marked by exhibition, cf ,,.
foreign his real nature. These are the mental nh,
the disease, for which the invalid csnnot be u,,
sponsibe but they occasion much household desmtr, l.
to the interest of the home circle is essential la i.,
harmony well to the OF the principal sufferer from
state far removed from ncpicnt inssni,y that ,l
symptoms of mental disturbances Ge promptly removed II
only be done by removing their yIca causes deuy
of the functions Of the stomach and allied y,c
the liver and bowels. Upon these three Important
HOstetters Stomach Bitters simultaneously producing
thorough and sauary change in their condition The y.g,
table ingredients Of which the pre- patton N eompo.-i
Of renOvating, regulating and ALTsRArIvR carac
ter and the stmuant which lends activity TO their remeaa
virtues il the pure and best that extracted from In
most wholesome OF all cereals sound rye. No dypep,,
can take this genial restorative for without
peTIencing notable in his general health
only will his bodily suerngs ahate iron day bu
mind will rapidly ITS ret>nes' and rr:abt
and this happy change will manifest itse Ls demsansr
| all around. eb2-Iln
Smyrna times., 1870-02-09
MARYLAND ITEMS.

Some wealthy Episcopalean ladies in Colds
borough and Miles River Neck, Talbot county,
intend, during the coming summer to build n
new Episcopal church and rectOry at Potts
Mills. Geo. r. GoldsbOrough, Esq, gives
some sixty acres of land for the use of the new
church and rectory.
Cambridge 7elegraph-Mr. w. H. BOwdle
has commenced the publication Of new paper
in Cambridge, with the above title. Mr.. Bow
die is an old printer and editor, having been
connected with the press over thirty years.
Lusus Nature-We are informed that there
is on the farm Of Mr.. James Walls, near Bea-
yer Dams, in this county, a calf, now about
three weeks old, with two distinct heads, four
ears, four eyes and two months One OF the
mouths is said to be less perfect than the other,
althoughs the animal receives food through
either of them At last accounts it was liv-
/ ing, and seemed likely to thrive but we enter
tain doubts on that pOlnt.-C CehtreUUe Ctttzen.
Thomas j. Larrimore, young man, was
found dead In the woods near Williams store,
Broad Greek Neck, Talbot county, on Thurs
day week. Cause, intemperance and expose
ure.
FGshy.-Week bofore last, at Salisbury
whilst some wOrkmen were removing obstruc
tiOns in mill stream they came in contact will
au lnuenSe cy press log, anu upon SdWlIS IL lnt'
found it to be hollow. In the hollow wa
found catfish of prodigious size, completed!
filing the cavity and tightly wedged therein
although the entrance of the hollow was onl.
about two inches in diameter. 1t is supposed
that the fish entered when quite small ant
grew to its present proportions So says
Salisbury paper, which tells another yarn.
says man fishing in that vicinity, got hi
hook caught, and in trying TO extricate it dre1
up a halfgallon jug from the water. The hoo
7 was in the mouth of the jug, which he broke
l and to his astonishment it contained catfis
+ as large as the inside of the jug and nearly th
+, shape. The first story is vouchcd for but th
9 second is not.
. We seeit stated in our Princess Anne e.
q changes that few of the gardeners in that v
i entity have already planted green peas.
y Bishop Lay confirmed a number of cand
}. dates in the Episcopal Church, at Hillsboroug
IS on Sunday week.
e On Wednesday last, near Snow Hill, Dav
e Sharpley and Eliza 4. Spencer were united
e marriage, the former being 62 years Of age al
d the latter co.
d Mrs. Annie Wittenmyer, of Philadelphi
n preached in the NJ f. Church, Northeas
ST Sunday week toimmense audiences. A rev
a val has commenced since.
Smyrna times., 1870-02-09

On Friday, in the Court OF Oyer and r.g.
miner of Cattaraugus County, Theodore Ni.b-
las, the murderer Of DIR. Andrew Mead. in Ni,
leghany, \. Y, was convicted and sentence,
to be hanged March Is
In consequence of the frequent rnmors Of ,b,
Ill health Of Pope Plus TX, the p,lhEic mind i
busy with names of candidates for the Panocr
The election Of Archbishop Manning Is strongi,
advocated in England
William f. Matthews, negro, was annon,
ed n iirst-class clerk, in the contract office oF
the loSt-office Department at Washington. IN
Monday. This is the first colcred clerk taLe"
into the Post-olhce Department
The steamboat .Anlerica sank a few dav. .no
near Little Rock, Ark, in three minutes at,o'
the alarm WAS given, and five person, aye
known to have perished The saved lost ali
their effects.
In the Senate Of New Jersey, Monday nipb,
| the Suffrage Amendment, after three honrs Ja
bate, was defeated by vote Of l3to8.
The Siamese Twins, unsevered. have retprr
ed to their North Carolina home.
In the hand of weakness and vice, even WI
dom becomes dangerous.
Friendship, less vehement than love is fro.
quently more puresand lasting
The Individual who was injured bv tbe 400;
dental discharge OF his duty has not been besri earl
of since
Smyrna times., 1870-02-09
let Wounded Birds FIutter,- and
Crippled Ducks HaIIOW.

If "B. I. L." the author of :, Wounde,i
Birds, SC, in the last tissue of the Times, who
is trying to defend the W. & " laachine, is
sorey CALLED in consequence of the Howe ma
chine being sold where the w. ". had been
hiei, condemned, 01td discarded, and writhes
under the plain, bold factS, of the superiority
Of tie Howe Family .Se,cing Machine, it is not
at all surprising If the W 4 w. wants to
know what the HOWE will do, that their ma
chine will not. we are ready and willing to
meet them at any time and place, that they
select, to put up machine for machine, upon
the merits, excellencies and relative advantages
of workmanship; the trial to be witnessed and
decided upon by competent and impartial
judges, chosen in fair and honorable manner.
The loser to forfeit the machine at stake to be
sold together with the winners, and the. pro,
ceeds to be given as donation in the name Of
the victorious machine, to any Christian hu-
name, or beneficial society that the judges may
designate. This challenge is also open to any
other sewing machine that Is willing to com
pete. We hold that the Hotce Family Serag
Machine is the best in point Of excellence
Facts and figures that viii soon be produced,
will cause B. T. L. S = withers to be UrG'gl
and the CALLED jade to vince. "
4. A. McKAN,
Agent for the Howe Sewing Machine
722 Market ST., Wilmington, Del
Smyrna times., 1870-02-09
IFor the" Smyrna Times"
The Wyoming Minister,

Mr. Editor VIII you allow me to call at
tention to an article, in your last issue, from
our town, over the signature of More Anon,
stating that the difficulties between the
Methodist minister" OF this place = and his
congregation, and the citizens generally, are on
the increase. and to say that the statement OF
your correspondent is as false and malicious as
it is insidious and cowardlv. So far as this
community is concerned, it needs no refuta-
ton but for those who do not know the facts,
will state:
l. That at no time since my appointment to
to this charge, have the relations of pastor and
people been so kindly as at present
| 2. Our congregations are larger than ever,
and the spiritual condition of the charge is bet.
ter than at any time within my knowledge.
3. Our meetings Of all kinds are better at
tended than they have been for years, and the
interest is steadily increasing. Last evening
over fifty knet at the sacramental board-sOme
thing that never before Occurred-and at the
invitation of the pastor, quite a number Of
souls sought Christ in the pardon of their sins
4. We have raised more money for benevolent
and ordinary church purposes, than was evel
raised on the charge before, and the enc is mo-
yet.
Please say these things to the readers O
your excellent journal, aud much oblige
Yours In Christ,
J. BARNETT MANN.
Smyrna times., 1870-02-09

CoUGHs AND C0LDs.-During the changra-
BILE seasons of Fall and Winter, when coughs
and colds are SO prevalent, no person should
be without some reliable preparation for their
cure. They should recollect that a neglected
cough or cold frequently terminates in Con-
sumption HaSsOn's Compound Syrup of Tar
is the best and most reliable article known for
the cure of coughs, colds, hOarseness, chronic
catarrh, sore throat, asthma and all diseases of
the throat and lungs. No person should be
without it. Price so cents. Sold by j. w.
Denny, Druggist, Smyrna, and at Drug stores
everywhere. RUSSELL & LAMBS.
decl-3m Prcprietors, Phia.
Smyrna times., 1870-02-09

The election of cOlored man to the position
of Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of
South Carolina is one of the most striking and
singular results of the Reconstruction. The
new Judge is described as the best educated
negro at the South.
An indianapolis physician of 70 has not slept
in bed for twenty years. He rests at night
in large armchair, taking maps of about an
hours duration each, and always keeping the
gas lighted that he may read each time he
awakes.
Cleaveland denies that any of its citizens
sent dog to Washington as present to the
President Some scoundrel in Washington
took pup to the White House and tried to
raise $40 as express charges, but, happily,
miserably failed.
The Weeling Intelligencer says that no per-
son in West Virginia, so far as it knows, iavors
a reunion of that State with Virginia, and that
certainly no party is willing to avow any such
wish or purpose.
In Macon, Ga,, on Tuesday last, lot of
Confederate notes and bonds amounting to
81, 100, was sold at auction for 81 in greenbacks,
Another lot amounting TO 1856 was sold for
SO, and another lot amounting to $500 was
sold for 81 rs.
The Philadelphia Press of Saturday SAYS /:
There were very few people on the streets
yesterday. Chestnut street was deserted by all
except business men" From which we infer
that the business men of Philadelphia are few.
A lady fell headforemost from stepladder
in Newark, n. j., the other day, the back of
her head coming in contact with steel fender
in front of the gate. She was saved from all
injury, however, by her waterfall.
KANSAS AND WOMAN SUFFRAGE.
Lieutenant Governor of Kansas by his casting
vote in the Senate on Wednesday tabled a
memorial TO Congress favoring the sixteenth or
woman suffrage amendment.
Eighty five persons are down in New York
with the recently imported disease called re-
lapsing fever IL is contagious and epidemic,
and resembles the famine fever which prevail
| ed some years ago in Ireland.
Smyrna times., 1870-02-09


CONGRESS. The bill introduced in tie
House Of Representatives on Thursday last by
Mr.. Culom proposes simply to deal with the
Mornons as outlaws, aud with such as are
guilty Of concubinage bigamy or poligamy as
criminals, subject to a frfe for each offender
not exceeding a thousand dollars aud to I'M
prisonnlent in the penitentiary not exceeding
five years.
The Currency Bill passed by the Senate Is I
bill to add forty-five millions in the South anc
West to the currency of the national banks, al
a cost of six per cent TO the Treasury, when
upon an issue Of greenbacks, this interest would
be saved. The Election Committee decided
Monday, by one majority, to report to ths
House Of Representatives bill providing fol
the trial Of contested election cases by the jury
drawn from members. each party haging tbs
right 10 challenge until the last twelve ar'
drawn.
The weather is mere winterish.
Smyrna times., 1870-02-09

Hon. MIR. BIdGs.-Hon. g. r. Biggs made
a speech in the House of Representatives, on
Saturday, on general political topics, which
seems to have been very satisfactory to his
Democratic friends. Saturday is known as
"bu1combe day the day set apart for
speech-making, when any Congressman having
a superabundance of gas, can let 1t off. There
were only about thirty members present when
the speech was made. and only few listeners
in the galleries; we suppose, therefore, it was
made for home consumption. We have seer
no synopsis of the honorable gentleman's re
marks, and can therefore give nothing of theil
purport. The reporters were not present mos
likely, the Saturday sessions not being regula
business sessions.
Smyrna times., 1870-02-09

KENT Co. LEVY CoURT. The Levy Court
ting with the Road Overseers. The Court
also made the following appointments:
John NJ. Voshell, County Treasurer.
Collectors Fl. Smith, Duck Greek hun.
dred Thomas r. Taylor, Kenton hundred
John g. Scotch, Little Greek hundred Jos
&. Foreaker, Dover hundred Jno. Bell, North
Murderkill hundred Henry Harrington South
Murderkill hundred; Martin Smith, Mispill
ion hundred; William ID. Fowler, Milford hun
dred.
Trustees of fPoOr-Jonathan Pratt, for Do
yer hundred; Thomas K. Taylor, for LittlC
Greek hundred.
Smyrna times., 1870-02-09

THE New CASTLE LEVY COURT.-The new
Castle Levy Court met on Tuesday of last week,
but owing to dead lock" in the board they
had to adjourn The Republicans have one
majority, but Mr.. Ingram, of Appoquinimink,
being absent, from aflictiOn, there was tie
vote Consequently neither party could ac-
complish any thing in electing county treasur-
er, &c. The board therefore adjourned to yes
able to attend. The Democrats contend that
Mr.. |. IS not legally qualified to serve, because
he is not property holder, they assert. But
he has filed the Office number of years, and
does own property, we believe.
Smyrna times., 1870-02-09

BURGLARY AT DovER.-On Friday night
last the store of Wallace & Burton, on Main
st., Dover, was broken into and robbed of goods
and money to the amount of $500 or $4O0.
The entrance was effected by prying off the
iron bar that secured the window shutters on
the outside. The safe, an old offair which had
been in use many years, was nearly torn 70
pieces, and about $50 in money taken there
from. A quantity of cloths, cassimeres, &c,
the noise OF the burglars, it is said, but &c
alarm was created it seems. No one slept in
the store. Notes, checks, &c were scattered
over the floor, and about sixteen dollars il
mohcy were not taken ftom the safe, from some
cause.
Smyrna times., 1870-02-09

THREATENED REVOLUTION IN France
The dispatches received from Paris yesterday,
by the Atlantic cable, are of an exciting char
aeter.t 4 revolt against the Emperor Napo-
leon is threatened by the followers of Henri
Rochefort the leader of the party of the ex-
treme left, as it is called, or the Liberal party
He was arrested by the government police, on
Monday, at Bellevie, when his followers i'm.
mediately commenced popular tumult in hi:
favor and against the Emperor. The telegraph
says the troubles :" are serious" The street!
are filed with shouting people, and baricadint
had commenced A detachment of Imperia
troops had arrived and were making prepare
tions to open fire on the rioters. The trouble
are spreading, and the government is taking
precautionary measures to prevent outbreak
elsewhere
Smyrna times., 1870-02-09

The Emperor of the French, whatever he
those excellent intentions with which the road
to an uncomfortable place is paved The Par
is correspondent Of The Chicago Tribune de-
claresthat " the basis of his nature is goodness
that basis which is equaled by nothing )"
which means, if it mean anything, that, to put
it into the form of an equation, His Majesty $
goodness-O." Letter-writers should be care
full how they ascribe to the monarch of France
every virtue under Heaven" What if instead
of making him out merely good they should
unfortunately convince the world that he is u
goody ? that his constitutional weakness Is at the
top and not at the bottom?
Smyrna times., 1870-02-09
Wyoming, Feb. 7, 1870.

OLIVE LOGAN's OPINION OF PRINCE AR
THUR.-Olive Logan has been interviewed
in Chicago, and expresses her opinion of Prince
Arthur as follows:
Prince Arthur is a little English snob.
saw him ten years ago, when boy, with hi:
mother in London. He had on Scotch suit
am much pleased with the action of Boston
in declining to give him public reception. Il
him now will surely be "cut" if they meet him
in England. That is the way with all the En-
glish aristocracy in this country. They eat al
the good dinners they can get, and cut thei
friends over there"