Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1870-07-07
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
Plenty of money.

IUODlN9 HOA AAWxBHS-0U0ts
MAN IL mister, but woman 10 mys-
terry.
hdPRuDENr-Promising your doctor
legacy.
The artist who " took lady " returned
her the same day.
A FRIEND ATT PNcH-One who shares
his snuff box with you.
WHEN is an original idea like . clock
When 1t strikes one.
WHEN a person declares that his "brain
is on fire." Is it etiquette to blow it out
"A CAT may look the picture of in
nocence, but don't leave it alone with the
canary. ~
A HiNDoo proverb says: "strike not,
even with flower, wife, though she
has thousand faults"
A BACHELOR, according to the latest
definition, is man who has lost the OPP
portunity OF making a woman miserable.
If we did but know how little some en-
Joy the great things they possess, there
would not be 30 much envy in the
world.
81 am going to the post -office, Bob,
shall enquire for your" Well, yes, If
you want to; but l don't think you'll find
me there"
IT is not necessary that q postman
should possess good voice, but It is a
most essential thing that he should have
a good delivery.
A CHICAGO paper says that among those
for whom prayers were asked in the daily
prayer meeting, was, "for young man
In Boston, too far from God"
In the classic town of Waterville, on
garden fence facing the street, is posted
the following "notice - "Pleas don't
hich no Hoses Hear for it is sode."
DIoaENEs being asked, the biting of
which beast Ii the most dangerous" an
swered, IF you mean wild beasts, It's the
slanderer's; If tame ones, the flatterer's.
MAMMA" And now, pussy, you have
chatted enough. Shut your eyes, hold
your tongue and 60 to sleep" Pussy
"How can l do three Nsngs at once, mann
mar"
HUNGRY DINER Trouble you for
some more bread, landlord. always eat
good deal Of bread with my meat"
Landlord-"So I see, sirl And . good
deal of meat with your bread"
BuB, is your sister at homer" "Yes,
but she won't sec you tonight" Whys"
Because she said she was going to have
one more mess of onions If she never got
another beau"
Mn. ARNOLD, in the Ithica, N. Y, Farm
ers' Club, recently stated that clover pas
ture does not make the best beef; that the
finest in the country comes from Ken
lucky where the cattle feed on blue grass.
A LITTLE boy, running, stubbed his toe
and fell on the pavement "Never mind,
my little fellow" said . by-stander "you
won't feel the pain tomorrow" "Then,
answered the. little boy, II won't cry TO-
morrow"
TIE man in possession 10 always the
man to respect. A deputy replied to an
other who was extolling N. Olivier: He
ismarvelous in duty. and only one man that
know is his superior" (Which onei"
1.-THE one that will succeed n. Olivier"
was the neat reply.
ROBINSON met Smith % he was going
on board q steamer on the Mississippi,
and esked, (which way, Smith-up or
down ?" THAT depends upon circum-
stances" remarked the latter. "If get
q berth over the boiler, / shall probably
go up; if in the cabin, down."
II FEEL" moaned . dying cobbler,
"that wax weaker every day, and that !
am gradually approaching my end-onIy
Q few more stitches, and awl will be over.
II heaven there 10 rest for the sole-earth
has NO sorrow that heaven cannot heal"
Having aid awl he wished, he calmly
breathed his last. sa
A YOUNG swell, joining his companions
one day, who were lOadng on . corner,
commenced picking his teeth. and aaid he
had dust eaten . whole chicken for his
dinner. One of his companions, wag.
gish fellow, responded, II zee you have,
for there 10 one Of the feathers" pointing
to piece Of mush which had fallen on
his coat. gf
JOE KING was sick in boarding house,
and made his mind up for some chicken
broth. The order went down into the
kitchen, and the broth came up weak, fat
and insipid. The sick man was subse.
quently relating his disappointment to
wade through it." III they did" said
Joe, family, sit had on stilts." He re-
covered.
once represented his town in the Legisla.
tuIc, 0uu Ou lie way W tuc C0pitoi DeoppCu
to dine at q hotel. On putting on his coat
to start he had much difficulty in work
ing into it Some one remarked that the
tailor had given him tight fit. "Oh,"
said he, "the tailor did well enough, but
the last representative from our town ssas
good deal INHALER than I am" II ap-
pears that they had Legislative coat IN
p, which esch representative filed IN
turn. When A. was nominated they
forgot his rotundity Of person.
PsoyHssoR g., Of Hartford, said the
other day that he felt uncomfortably stid
and sore,-caught cold perhaps-snd he
lay down on . lounge and requested his
friend w. TO knead and rub him after the
movement cure style. w. gently beat him
on the chest. How hollow II sounds"
aid z, who vas looking on. "Thats
nothing" aid W.; "wait I'll ! get 70 his
head.
A JEW years ago, . little fellow was
taken by his father TO . carpenter, TO be |
bound apprentice 70 him, after the fashion
Of those times. In settling the business,
the master, who was one OF the stiff kind,
observed: "Well, boy, ] suppose you can
est most anything. can't your always
make my boys live On what they don't
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