The Placer herald., 1870-09-10
TERENCE MIGRANT.
Returns to Long Branch. .-AbOut the ST..
Louis Arrest. Attending Church in Chi.
C0yO,
LONG BRANCH, Aughust sevintcen.

MlSTHER lUMMERf - 1naHkS I'LL klnu
Providence and the railroad companies that
give me cousin passes to travel widout pay
ing divil the cint, we are wonce more under
our own vine and fig-tree, though divil the
vine is there here, but ovid Dents cucum-
Der vines, and as for fg-trees, the naresht we
come to it is a lone pine in the front yard.
that pines for company But | can tell yez
as blake and unsociable as the country
looks here, it is far preferable to St. Louis,
wild its thrals and thribuations, and Chas
sepot fshky, and lager beer that takes up SO
much room,
Och, murdher! 1t is the wondher of
wondhers that we are alive and able to ate
hearty al all at all. The likes of the mar
row escapes we had to undergo there niver
had parallel in the war, | am sure. Be
gorra, whin think of it, me hand inshtinc
lively grasps me pocketbook, or me cousins
rather, as though pickpockets or a Rapubi-
can convention was torninst me. The paple
in the Wesht are money-maniacs, ndade.
They same to think because me cousin Ulis-
ses is getting fair salary, wild other per-
quisites in the way of prsints, that all they
have to do is to tap him and put spigot in,
and how'd bashket under, .and he will run
clare granebacks. But he won't. Divil the
wonce. Ye can get any other beverage rath
er than granebacks from him, as know by
experience.
But how'd on till l tell yez. BE aisy,
now.
Ye mind me cousin has a bit of a farm
forninst ST. Louis, where he raises whate,
fat oxen, corn in the ear, cord wood, and
other vegetables for market. In this way
he thries to earn an honesht living, aside
from the won he earns at Washington be
the shweat of his eyebrow, through Frinch-
man be the name of O'Flaherty, who does
the manual labor, and womanual labor, too,
for that matter, for his wife died from the
kick of cow, God resht her sowl-the wo-
mans sowl not the cows ye mind Well,
as | was going to tell yez, this Frinchman
be the name of O'Flaherty tuck in some
shtock to pasture, giving me cousin half the
procades. One of me cousins horses was
afther doing bit of kicking, as all frsht
family horses will, and in the action kicked
off some of the legs of a horse belonging to
common, ordinary citizen, as me cousins
horse had perfect right to do. Now That
do yez think? This man axed me cousin
would he be afther paying three thousand
dollars damages. Me cousin Ulisses was
angry:
"Fhat!" says he till the man, whose name
was Stark. ''Ye musht be stark mad to
think would pay the price of a firsht-class
consulship for few broken horses legs. In
the language of me friend Hinry Ward Ba-
cher, Not be damd sight" says me cous-
in Ulisses, as he lit a fresh bothle of fishky
and pulled the cork out of a cigar.
"Thin," says the man, as cool as an ice
berg, Notwithstanding the great honor con-
ferred upon me by being the recipient of
such attentions from a horse belonging to the
President of this great nation, the law must
take its course, and | shall cause your ar
resht for breach of the peace. Officer, do
your duty"
At this point shiriff put his hand on me
cousins showlder, and towld me cousin to
consider himself prisoner of war. Me
cousin tainted away on the shpot. You see
it is so long since he has been arrested in St.
Louis that he was taken by surprise. Take
it few years ago, and such an episode
would have been looked upon as good joke,
as div the cint could ony one collect from
him But now, when his wealth is counted
be untowled millions, the case has a differ
ent aspect At this point of the procadings
me own shtrategy came in moighty handy
Says till the sheriff, "please clare the room
for few moments until bring the Prisi-
dent to life. The sheriff wint out, when
put me mouth till me cousins ear and gave
him the regular travelling password "Fishky'
and he opened his eyes, and rached out his
hand for it.
Now, cousin Ulisses," says |, " this
mather demands a display of all yer forti-
tude. Change clothes wild me, and pass out
by the sheriff wild bottle in yer hand as if
ye were going till drug shtore and whin
We are out take hack for the dippo, and
take the train for Chicago as if the very div
il was afther you, and will follow you"
Arrah, sir, the shtrategy worked like
dose of physic. Me cousin walked through
the sheriff and his posse like seidlitz pow
der, and arrived safely in Chicago, and whin
the officers came in the room | towld thin
me cousin had proved an abb. So | tuck
the next train for Chicago, and all along the
road the people chared me, because, had
on me cousins clothes, and said, "Hello,
old shtick in the mudv' and all such widen
ces of appreciation. t
We shtayed in Chicago over Sunday, and
got away widout being robbed, except the
collection that was tuck up in the church.
Me cousin put forty cints Until the plate. lie
is sometimes so reckless wild money that he
nades guardian appointed over him. But
| don't think the church made onything out
of that speculation. 1t happened to be com
munion day, and as they pashed around the
bread and wine me cousin Ulisses was in his
drinkingest mood. Says he to me, as the
daycon came along wild the bowl of wine and
pl6te of bread, says he, "Teddy, we are en-
titled to two rations Of bread and wine. You
take my ration of bread and I will get away
vid your ration Of wine, And he emptied
.T. aif 1'Fs -. a.aI