The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1870-07-02
Timing a Fast Horse Cure for the Rae
inc Fever.

A friend of ours, who owns fine farm
near Camp Denuison-John we will call
him--is fond OF horses, and has a private
race-track where he puts his fast nags
through a course of equine sprouts. Those
residing in the vicinity who have, or think
they have, fast pags, frequently resort TO
this race track for the purpose of testing the
speed of their horses. Now, John is a bit
of wag, and numerous are the jokes he
has played off upon his friends in "timing"
their horses with his patent stop-watch.
Every man likes to think be has got fast
horse, and when told that his horse has
made mile in 230 when he had no idea
he could get below the ffties, he naturally
feels elated, don't you especially when
so grave and earnest man as our friend
John holds the watch, and that watch is
known the country round for its reliabil-
ity.
IF anybody else were to time the speed
of tie nags they might question its authen-
ticity, but John-no one thought of ques-
tionng him or his patent watch. One day
last fall neighboring farmer, who couldn't
sleep very well nights because he had got
it into his head that colt he owned was
fast, brought the said colt to Johns race
track to try him. John very accommodating
ly held his patent watch while the owner
Of the colt drove around the track
'Two-thirty-eightY ? yelled John as the
colt passed the mile-pole
whats that p shouted the man in as
tonishment.
Two minutes and thirty eight seconds
exactly replied John, without moving
muscle.
This was so much better then the
colt proprietor had anticipated that he
couldn't believe it possible, and said SO.
'Hold the watch yourself, them said John
somewhat grufly, IF you can't believe me-
'Oh,' replied the man, fastening to con-
ciliate, 4 don't question your meaning in
the matter, but you might have made
mistake on the watch
Don't you know this is a patent stop
watch !? inquired John. 1T can. make
any mstake ; there, you see, it has stop
ped on two minutes thirty-eight seconds.
III drive around and you time the colt
Now the interior OF the track was planted
with corn, and forest of cornstalks reared
their lofty heads there, completely obstruct-
ing more than very limited view of the
track. The word go was given, and John
got As soon as he was out of sight of the
others he darted through a woods that ira
versed the corn-feld cutting off nearly
halt the distance, so that when he reached
the milc-post the owner OF the colt fairly
danced with JOY as he roared:
"1wo-tiTy-one-ond-a-half By hokey"
The man was nearly wild with excite
ment, refused five hundred dollars John
offered for the colt on the spot, and hurried
home with his newly-found treasure. Ho
was on lookout for some fair where
he was confident of being able to scoop
'em ALL as he said. The Blanchester Fair
came off in little while, and their was our
hero with his wonderful colt. He put him
in against the fastest trotter they had, bet
his money freely, and to his own horror and
the uproarious mirth of the crowd, his fast
colt was nearly five minutes in getting
around. In utter disgust he sold the colt
Tor moderate sum, and is entirely cured
OF the fast-horse complaint. He don't know
to this day that John stopped his Stop
watch on him, and he is ignorant of the
short cut through the corn-feld, but he
don't want any more fast horses. John has
cured several embryo horsemen in the same
way, and looks upon himself as benefac-
tor of his race if he isn't of the horse race.
Ills treatmen: is expensive but effectual.
-"Gris."