Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1870-06-23
Nit.Inspirations Of the "FWo.Y Year.
tOlds"
BY MARK TWAIN.

BIZ MARX TWAIN.
ALI infants appear to have on imperti-
nent and dlsagreeable fashion nova days
of saying "snart' things on most occa-
sions that offer, and especially on occa-
sions when they ought not to be saying
published specimens Of smart saying, the
rising generation of children are little
better than idiots. And the parents must
surely be but little better than the chi
dren, for in most cases they are the pub
SHshers of the sunbursts Of infantiledmbes9
cility which dazzle us from the pages Of
our periodicals. I may seemSto Speak
with some heat not TO say a suspiciOns Of
personal spite rand I do admit that It net
ties me to hear about so many gifted in
fants in.these days, and remember that II
seldom said anything smart when I was a
child. 1 tried it once or twice, mtitwas
not popular. The family were not ex-
pectlng brilliant remarks from me- and SO
they snubbed nj sometimes and spanked
me the rest. But it makes m flesh creep |
and my blood run cold to think what
might have happened to me if had dared
to utter some of the smart things of this
| generations "four year-olds" where my |
skinned me alive and consider his duty at
an end would have seemed to him crimi-1
nal leniency toward one so SHINING. He
was q stern, unsmiling man, and hated all
forms of ~precocity. If I had said some of
the things I have referred to- and said
them in his hearing, he would have de-
stroyed me. He would indeed, He would,
provided the opportunity remained with
him But it would not, for I would have.
had judgment enough totake some strychr
nine first and say nay smart thingasaftefz
ward. The fair record of my life has
Eather overheard hat, and he hunted me;
Tower four or i've townships seeking tol
Etakemy life. III had been fun grown,
lo course he would have been tight but,
child as 1 was, I could not know how
wicked a thing ! a d-done.-
made one of those remarks ordinarily
EcaIled -" smart things" before that, but it
a : serious rupture between my father and
myself. My father and mother; my I'm
ole Ephraim and hisSWife, and one orstWo.
others were present, and the conversation
turned on a naLe for mel wass lying
there, trying some India-rubber rings of
various patterns, and endeavoringt0 make
Q selection for ! wasatifed of trying to
l Ecut my teeth ON peoples fingers, and
I wanted to get Hold of something that
: would enable me to hurry the thing
through and get at something else. Did
) you ever notice what -a-nuisance~it was
cutting your teeth on your nurses fin
ger, or how back-breaking and tiresome it
was trying to cut them on your big toe?
and did you never get out of patience and
wish your teeth were in Jericho long be-
fore you get them. half To me 1t
J seems as if these things happened yester-
[ day. And they did, to some children.
: But 1digress- I was lying there trying
the IndiaSrubber rings. i remember look
ing at the clock and noticing that in an
hour n twenty-five minutes I would be
8 two weeks old, and thinking to myself
how little l had done to merit the bles
r sings that were 50 unsparingly. lavished
Q upon me- My father said
" Abraham is q good name. My grand.
father was named Abraham. "SiF 7'1a =
t My mother sald:la "a SASS COZ
abraham is a good name. Very well
f Let us have Abraham Tor one of hi
Names ~ 20 -t-ss4 4,Is7iaff
! IiSld: Bra saq 49, re
i Abraham suits the subscriber"
My father frownede my mother looked
4 pleased; my aunt said os-,t .sdt.
I "What a little darling it isl" as
, Ny father said (: - -
"1saac Is a good name, and JJacpbSiss Z
good name" Disc
!; My mother assented and said: o1
: mo names are better. Let US add
Isaac and Jacob to his names" -nHi 9di'
4 said: - rsa sso
! IAN right. Isaac and Jacob are goot
enough for yours truly. Pass me thu
rattle, if you please. l can't chew India
rubber rings all day." s4s.
"A Not a soul made a memorandum o
these sayings of mine. for publication. T.
saw that, and did it myself, else the,
would have been utterly lost. So far from
q meeting with a generous encouragement
q lib other children when developing in
3 telleetually, l was now furiously scowle
Z, upon BY my father; my mother locke
10 grieved and anxious, and even my aun
Z had about her an expression Of seeming t
n think that maybe I had gone too far.
y took q vicious bite out of an India-rubbe
y the kittens head, but said nothing. Pref
entity my father said:si "
Samuel is q very excellent name"
: saw that trouble was coming. Nothin
AZ could prevent it. I laid down my rattle
over the side Of the cradle I dropped m,
3, uncle's silver watch, the clothes brush, th
a toy dog, my tin soldier, the nutmeg gratel
h and other matters which I was accustome
to examine and mediate upon, and max
IL pleasant noises with, and bang, and bate,
e. and break when I needed wholesome el
tertainment. Then I put on my. Iittl
re- frock and my little bonnet, and took m
pigmy shoes in n hand and my licoric
e. in the other and climbed out on the foo
to I said tomyself, Now, if the worst com,
A to the worst, / am ready. Then 1 sal
aloud, in q firm voice: ts.4 :
q "Father, l cannot, cannot wear IL
name of Samuel"
~ "My son |" f
"Fsther, I mean it. Icannot."
=, "Why2"
Is "Father, I have an invincible antipath
Ss to that name"
a my son, this is unreasonable. MAJ
great and good men have been name
Samuel"
N "sir, I have yet to hear of the first il
- kstance."
M "WhatI I There was Samuel tt
n prophet. Was. not he great and good
"a "Not so very"
"My SON With His own voice Il
Lord called him" t.7- .~r.s-.
eyes, sir and had to call him a coup
of times before he would comeI"
IN And then I sailed forth, and that stel
old man sailed forth after me. He owe
- took me at noon the following day, al
when the interview was yer l had a
it'll CURED the name of Samuel, and a thras
ing, and other useful information; and |
means of this compromise my father
1es wrath was appeased, and q mlsunde
standing bridged over which might a,
~ become a permanent rupture if 1 b,
chosen to be unreasonable. But ju
in6Oinn hu this onioOlo - ..-