Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1870-09-06
HU NJ OR Gus.
A BOYS Idea of Flies.

We know that most of our readers are just
now about vexed to death-therefore we pub
lish this excellent opinion of some thoughtful
boy on Flize.
The poor boy must have lived near one
horse grocery store, as he blows off in the fol-
lowing lamentable manner, and says:
81 hate fiji.
A fiji is got no manners.
He's an iutrooder, don't send in no kard
nor ak an interduckshun, nor don't knox at
the front door, and nuver, nuver think NV
takin off his hat.
Fust thing you know he is in bed with you
and up your nOse-thO what he wants thar is
Il mistry-and he invites himself to breakfast
and sets doun in your butter, thout breshin
his pants.
lie helps hisself to sugar, and meat, and
melassis. and bred, and preserves, and vim
negy-ennything, and don't wait fur no invi
tashun. He's got good apnytitc, and jist as
soon cat one thing as anuther.
faint no use to challenge him for takin
liberties he keeps up hostile kerrispondence
with YOU whether or not, and shoot hisself at
YOU like built and nuver misses, nuver.
He'll kiss yure wife 20 times day, and
zizz and ESQ., and ridicue you if you say a
word, and he'd ruther you'd slap at him than
not, coz he's dodger of the dodgirnist kline.
Every time you slap, you don't slap him, but
slaps yosei, and he gints the hine leg Nv skorn
at you. till he Aggregates you to distrackshin.
He glories in Tighten every pop on the
ixackt spot whar you druv him from, which
proves the intenshun to teeze you. Don't tell
me he amt got no mind he knows what he is
after He's got sense and too much Nv it,
tho he never went to skool day in his life
Except in a supe dish.
He's a mean, miIlignaut, owhsshus, pre-
medditatcd cuss.
His mother never padded him with slip
per in her life. His morals wuz niglecktid,
and he lacks good deal Nv humility mitely.
He amt bashful a bit, and l doubts if he
bushes ofting.
In fack, he was nuver fetched up at tall.
He wuz born full grown, and he don't git
old-uther things gifts old, but he nuver gifts
old-and he is imperdent and mischevus to
the day of his deth
He droopz in cold weather, and you kin
smash him on a winder pain, and you've jest
to put yure finger in it. He Gums agin next
yeer, and hecp more with him. 'Tain't no
use
One fiji to family might do for amusement.
but the good of so meny flize be dog eff |
kin see kin you?
[ has thort much about fizc, and has
notist how ofting they stops in thar devitry
TO comb thar heads and skratch thar nose with
thar fore legs, and gauge thar arm pits under
thar wings, aud the tops Nv thar wings with
thar hind legs.
And my kandid opynun ar, tibet fize is
lowsy, they ctches all the time, is miserabul,
and tibet makes them bad tempered, and want
tu make luther peepil miserabul tn.
Eff that amt the fosify Nv fize, give it up.
Altho a fiji don't send his kard. he always
leaves one, and don't like it. 'Tain't pretty
eff tits round. He kant make cross mark,
only dot, and he is always dottin' whar
thar amt no is. Thar's no end to his periods,
but he nuver comes to a full stop. Such
hand 'ritin' is disagreabiI.
He's 40 artiss. but his freshco and his wall
paperin' | don't admire. Thar's too much
sameness in his patterns. His specs is the
only specs tibet don't help the eyes You
kant see throo 'em and you don't want tn.
I hate fl.
Dhrn 1i"