Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1870-04-15
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A SAD AIR-Misfor- tune.

THE SHADES OF NIGHT-Window-cu cur
tains.
An UNDoUBTED NORTHUMBERLAND
Alderman.
A DUEL should never be fought over
two seconds.
WHAT ailment may we look for on an
oak? Acorn.
CAN a cast from marble be described
as stones throw?
WHEN may man properly lead others!
When he's got ahead.
THE procuring of divorce is called
counting after marriage.
THERE is no truer saying than that
"Sweet are the uses of advertisements +
DIVIDENDS are paid in cash in the
Washington Life Insurance Company of
New York.
To Keep out of Debt-Acquire the
reputation Of rascal, and no one will
trust you.
THE man most likely to leave his mark
upon the times-One who cannot write
his own name.
PROVIDE for your old age with a policy
in the Washington Life Insurance Com
pany of New York.
THE man who ate his dinner with the
fork of river has been trying to spin a
mountain top.
elbow does your new horse answer ?"
l really don't know, for | have never
asked him question"
The very climax of superfuous benev-
olence has been declared to be that OF
holding an umbrella over a duck in the
rain.
THE New York Sun learns of a lean
mans association out in Jersey, to which
crawling through a key-hole is the first
initiatory step. 8,
The Cleveland Herald thinks the mar
rage service should be changed to read /:
Who dares take this woman and the
groom shall answer, dare.
THE entire assets of a Boston bankrupt
were nine children. The creditors did
the handsome thing and let him keep
every one of them.
A MALICIOUS libel is going the rounds
that vegetation is so scarce at Cape Cod
that two mullen stalks and whortleberry
bush are called grove.
NEVADA claims to have brook trout
over four feet long. In some places the
streams are so narrow that these trout
have to come ashore to turn around
Detroit Tribune si - "s
THERE is this difference between those
two temporal blessings, health and
money: Moneyis the most e1vied, but the
least enjoyed health is the most en-
joyed, but the least envied.
A CORRESPONDENCE wrote to news
paper in behalf of can aged, INDECENT
mother" and was Gnraged in the morning
that his appeal was made to read in be-
half of "a one-eyed indignant woman.
"THE MAN who raised q cabbage head
has done more good than all the meta
physics in the world" said stump
orator at meeting. "Then," replied
a wag, your mother ought to have the
premium"
ONE of the New York railroad ring
says that although his father would not
tell lie for shilling, he would not hest
tate to tell eight for dollar. That is the
difference between wholesale and retail
fibbing
THE Evansville Journal says that q
young lady of that city was licensed to
marry two gentlemen, and adds that she
made only one happy. Which that one
was is not stated, but probably it was the
one she did not marry
| A PREMIUM is offered for the most in
genious device whereby a newspaper can
be lent to neighborhood of not less than
twenty families, without being worn out
before its return to the owner.
"BoY, what is your father doing to.
day ?" Well, I s'pose he's failin'.
heard him tell mother yesterday to &c
round to the shops and get trusted all she
could, and do it right off too, for he'd got
everything ready to fail, 'ceptin that"
GLOW much water do you put in your
milk?" asked a Pittsteld, Massachusetts,
man of boy who delivers milk on one
of the milk routes eve don't put any
| water in it," replied the boy. what dc
you put in it, then?" "lce!' said the
candid youth.
MASTER CHARLIE, aged four years, was
not pleased on being reproved by his
mother for some mischievous prank, and
showed his displeasure in his face, when
his mother remarked Z" Why, Charlie, /
am astonished to see you making faces at
your mother| "Why, I calculated to
laugh, but, mamma, my face slipped"
HERE Isays the New York Tines is an
opportunity for the assertion of wOman's
rights. A National Bee keepers Conven-
ton is called to be held at Indianapolis on
the 10th and 18th of August, and certainly
there could not possibly be any objection
to allowing q woman, the Queen Bee of
the Convention, to preside over it.
A YANKEE one day asked his lawyer
how an heiress might be carried off.
You cannot do it with safety" said the
counselor; but I'll tell you what you
may do. Let her mount a horse and hold
a bridle-wbip; do you then mount behind
her, and you are safe, for she runs away
with you" The next day the lawyer
found that it was his own daughter who
had run away with his client.
Rest is not quitting
The busy career;
Rest is the fitting
Of self TO ones sphere.
IT'S the brooks motion,
Clear without strife;
File eing to the ocean
After this life.
IT'S loving and serving
The highest and best;
TITS onward answering,
And this is true rest. Goethe.
AS divorce is somewhat of fashionable
topic nowadays, the. following decision,
by a Judge pretty well known number
of years ago, in divorce case, is apropos..
After hearing the testimony, His Honor
gave the opinion "From the testimony
of the parties themselves, given in this
- II