The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1870-05-05

A medical question: Is opening
dead letter a post mortem examination
Why is man who has no children in
visiblel Because he's not APPARENT.
The surest way to lose your health is
to keep drinking other peoples.
A man in Boston is so short that
when he is i'll he don't know whether be
has the headache or corns.
What is the difference between a fall
ing star and a fogl One is missed in
heaven and the other is mist on earth.
Who is the most liberal mani The
grocer, because he gives most every
thing he has a weigh.
Why is kissing your sweet heart like
eating soup with a fork! Because it
takes long time to getenough oft.
"Jake lend me ten dollars till / sell
my dog?" Jake replied, soothingly and
sympatheticaly, 80, Jim. l wouldn't sell
him."
Lawyers must sleep more comfortably
than people in general. 1t is inmate
rial on which side they lie.
A mistaken tourist was found weep
ing over the ice-house of Mt. Vernon,
thinking he was dropping tears at the
topb Of Washington.
Ike's last trick was to throw Mrs. Par
tington's kid gaiter in the alley, and call
the old lady down from the third floor
to see an alleygaitsr
What is the principal difference be-
tween a swallow and cat7 1t is an ad-
mitted fact that "One swallow does not
make a SUMNER" but any cat can make
spring.
Not having heard from the debating
societies, in relation to the conundrum,
"Why do hens always lay eggs in the
day-time?" Because at night they are
roosters."
An old farmer whose son had lately
died was. visited by a neighbor, who be-
gan to condole with him on his loss.
any Ioss!" exclaimed the fathsr; "no
such thing; twas his own loss'-hs was
of age.
A negro parson in the west, preach
ing against the love ofmoney concluded
his sermon by saying; "And finally
bretheren, you can Judge what God think
of money by the class of people he
gives it to-"
The worst sold man in America lives
at Lafayette, Indiana. He has been
winding up clock every night for sew
enteen years, and last week, by accident,
found out that it was an eight day clock.
Both witty and sharp was that womap
ofBaltimore who sent to her grocer these
lines: "Mr Tuttle, this here thing hss
got too much hemp in it for molssses
and not quite enough for close line so
l beg you will exchange for purer ar
ticle."
A Maine deputy sheriff, suddenly call
ed upon to lead in prayer at confer
ence meeting, astonished his hearers by
the following conclusion: "May Thy
wisdom lead us, Thy mercy guide us, aad
finally conduct us TO Thy last and usual
place of abode
A rich man died in Maine recently
and his last words to his heirs were:
Plant me as soon as am cold, and
don't cart me around for side show.
Remember Peabody" He was buried
according to his request, and he is now
enjoying himself.
At Cedar Falls, Iowa, they get mad
if man goes into the theatre with ci.
gar in his mouth and puts his heels on
the shoulders ofth man front of him.
A man got arrest ed inst for that out
there. There is no sociability about
some people.
A young chap who has tried until
he knows, tells us that if you go to call
on a young lady, and she croOhets dill
igently all the evening, and only says
'yes' and "no," you can go away about
nine or quarter past, without breaking