The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-01-16
WIZ AND WISDOM.
Man of feeling pielpoeket.

= Why is Lave like potato3 Because it shoots
from the eye.
A friend at pinch-one who shares his snuff-
box with you.
When is blow from lady welcome When
she strikes you agreeably.
Nowonder Butter is "hich" when the farmers
all combine together to "raise" it.
WHY'S the Suez Canal like an unmistakable
snubf Because it is the cut direct.
Maxim for the lazyE=No farmer can pillow
Held by turning it over in his mind.
zone extreme follows the othern as the lit
tie dog remarked when he flew around after
his own tail.
Married men, like candles, often go out at
night, and leave their wives in the dark as to
their whereabouts.
Why arc women indispensable in mining
Because there must be q chamber made Mt tho
end of each gallery.
1t is sometimes difficult to judge distances.
We have known man to be IS far gone" even
at his own threshold.
Mr.. Bouccault's notion is that call work and
no play makes Jack tttfff boy consequently
he is always at some play or other.
A young lady of sixteen, who had worn
short dresses all her life, positively told her
mamma she would wear them no longer
g say" cried a fashionable youth to an old
usurefy the ready is needful." Yes" cried
the other, but the needfnl isn't ready"
''John, fear YOU are forgetting me-" said 4
bright-eyed girl to l,er sweetheart. . Yes, Sue,
l have been for getting you these two years.
There is this in favor of marriage bonds
they never stolen. There is no necessity
at any time of putting them under lock and
key.
A tipsy sailor, examining Il canc-scated
chair, heard to wonder g who took the
trouble to twist thecane around all those little
holes"
An agent is "A gent acting for another gent,
and is derived from the Latin word d8ens
IuOinuO because - ~
principal.
&c Sam, do you know any songs ~ Yes,
Old Hundred, and t'other amt. 1 always sing
that first"
What is the difference between couceited
conjuror and an important blood vessel in the
neck One is valn~Juggler, and the other is
the jugular YeiIt
"Willy0d take something ?" said a teetotal-
ler1to his friend, when standing near tavern.
81 don't care if / do" was the reply. Well"
said the other, let's take Walk
A Teacher eeteehising his scholars, put the
following question " What was made to give
light tn the world p" % Matches" cried one of
the youngsters, afteFa short pause.
"A young lady went to see the Merry Wives
of Windsor the other evening, and during the
play asked her escort to point ont Mr.. Windsor,
as she did not see his name on the bill
The minister who discoursed in Nantucket
about sounding Brass summnrily cor
rected by an old SALT who informed him that
7souudings We're always made with the lead.
" You bachelors ought to be taxed ,nzsnid Il
lady to resolute evader of the moose matri-
= Hlonial. " l agree with you perfectly, mi'am"
was the reply, " for bachelorism certainly is Il
luxury"
Two sections meeting the other day, one of
them remarked on the vast increase of NOR
tally. Well" replied the other, % you're
luckier than me, for l haven't buried living
soul these three weeks ~
A good-natured traveller fell asleep in train
and was carried far beyond his destination.
Pretty good joke this isn't it 2" said he to
fellow passenger. &c Yes, but little too far
fetched" was the rejoinder.
The RondoUt freeman says there is a man in
Ellenville of such punctual habits that he
carries his watch in his at-tail pocket, so as
to be always "ahead of time" When he sits
in church he is generally ION time"
"ShoIld l he discovered l am lost ~ ex-
claimed the hero Of meodrama, as he con-
cealed himself in u closet the stage. If
you're discovered yon'll he found" was the
amendment OF n Wag in the gallery.
"Who's that gentleman, my little man ~ was
asked of an urchin. THAT one with the spike
tailed coat ~ " Yes.n ''Why, he's a brevet
uncle of mine" Hows that 7" was asked
"2Canse he's engaged TO my Aunt Mary
A regular physician being sent for by
quack, expressed his surprise on being called
in on an occasion apparently trihing. {" Not so
trifling either" replied the quacS " for, to tell
you the truth, / have, by mistake, taken some
of my OIca pills"
A Scotch blacksmith, being asked the mean
ing of metaphysics, explained it as follows ::
q When the party whe listens dinna ken what
the party who speaks means, and the party
who speaks dinna ken what he means himself
that is metaphysics"
When dyspeptic and melancholy young
professional man bewailed his prospects to
Chief Justice Parsons, and said " lie didn't see
how he Should ever get through the world
" Dad you ever know any one to stop ON the
way p was the grave aud consoling reply.
" The fact Is, said an elderly wife, - Il man
does not know how-te straighten up things.
He does not know where to commence. 1 don't
wonder" she remarked in conclusion, " that
when God made Adam he went right to work
and made a woman to tell him what to do"
A horse-de alcr selling nag frequently OBJ
served, with much earnestncss, that he
honest horse. After the purchase, the gentle
mau' asked hint what he meant by an honest
horse. 8: Why, I'll tell you," replied the jockey.
" Whenever l rode him he always threatened
to throw me, and hang me if he ever deceived
me-"
"Mrs. Spriggs, will you be helped to Il small
bit of turkey 7" y" Yes, my dear Mrs wilkins,
1 win. y What part would you prefer, my
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