The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1870-07-01
COL. DEM. --- VOL. XXXIV-. NO. 10.

small bone of left forearm gone-lost in
fght-has Il kind of swagger in her
gait and a 'gallus' way of going with |
her arms akimbo and her nostrils in |
the air-has been pretty free and easy,
and is all damaged and battered up till |
she looks like queensware crate in ru.
ins-may be you have met her ?"
"God forbid!" involuntarily ejacu-
lated, for somehow / was not looking
for that form of question, and it caught
me little off my guard. But l bast'
ened to make amends for my rudeness
and say: 81 simply meant l had not
had the honor-for l would not delib-
erately speak discourteously Of friend
of yours, You were saying that you
were robbed--and it was shame too
but it appears by what is left of the
shroud you have on, that it was a costly
one in its day. How did"
A most ghastly expression began to
develop among the decayed features,
and shriveled integuments of my
guests face, and L was beginning to
grow uneasy and distressed, when he
told me he was only working up deep
sly smile, with a wink in it, to suggest
that about the time he acquired his
present garment, ghost in neighbor-
ing cemetery missed one. This reas-
sured me, but ! begged him to con(ine
himself to speech. thenceforth, because
his facial expression was uncertain.
Even with the most elaborate care it
was liable to miss fire. Smiling should
especially be avoided. What lie might
honestly consider shining success was
likely to strike me in very different
! light. / said liked to see skeleton
cheerful, even decorously playful, but
l did not think smiling was skeletons
best hold.
eyes, friend" said the poor skeleton,
"the facts are just as l have given them
to you. Two of these old graveyards-
the one that l reside in and one further
along-have been deliberately neglect
ed by our descendants of today until
there is no occupying tlrem any longer.
Aside from the astrological discomfort
of it-and that is no light matter this
rainy weather-the present state of
things is ruinous to property. We have
got to move or be content to see our
effects wasted away. and utterly des-
troyed. Now you will hardly believe
it, but it is true, nevertheless, that
there isn't single coffin in good repair
among all my acquaintance-now this
is an absolute fact. / do not refer to
people who come in pine box mount
cd on an express wagon, but am talk
ing about your high-toned silver
mounted burial-ca5c, monumental sort,
that travel under plumcs at the head of
a procession, and have choice of ceme-
terry lots-I mean folks like the IS
and the IS and --'S and such
They are all about ruined. The mos
substantial people in our set, they
were. And now lOOl; at them utterly
used up and povcrty-stricken. Ono Oi
the IS act ually traded his monu.
ment to late bar-kceper for some
fresh shaVings to put under his head.
tell you it speaks volumes, for there is
nothing a corpse takes so much pride in
as his monument. He loves to read the
inscription. lie comes after while to
believe what it says, himself,and then
you may see him sitting on the fence
night afternight enjoying it. Epitaphs
are cheap, and they do poor chap Il
world of good after he is dead, espec-
tally if he had hard luck while he was
alive. | wish they were used more
Now / don't complain, but confiden
TALLY, do think it was a little shabby
in my descc ndants TO give me nothing
but this old slab Of a graycstone-an(
all the mere that therc isn't compli
mcnt on it. / used to have
"GoNE no HIS JUST REWARD"
on it, and ! was proud when l first saw
5 it, but by and by | noticed that when
ever an old friend of mine came along
| he would hook his chin on the railing
) and pull long face and read along
: down till he came to that, and then ht
} would chuckle to himself and walk of
= looking satisfied and comfortable. Sc
, | scratched IL Off to get rid Of thost
fools. But dead man always takes
deal of pride in his monument. Non
c der goes half dozen of the -
| now, with the family monument along
? And -- and some hired spectres
went by with his Il while ago. Hello
} -,good-by old friends! That's-dieC
| in 'll-bclongs to our set in the cemeter!
fine old family-great grandmothe
was an Inj uni am on the most famil
S lar terms with him-he didn't hear M
5 was the reason he didn't answer me
Q And / am sorry, too, because | would
have liked to introduce you. YOl
r would admire him. lie is the most dis
i jointed, sway backed and generally dis
d torted old skeleton you ever saw, but h
d is full Of fun. When he laughs i
h sounds like rasping two stones togethe
IS and he always starts it Off with a CHEEKY
y scrcetch like raking a nail across win
u dow-pane. Hey, --! That is olt
Il --- shroud cost four hundret
y dollars-entirc trousseau, includin,
! monument, twenty-seven hundred
= This was in the Spring of '2G, 1t wa
c enormous style for those days. Doa
i people came all the way from the ALE
n ghenics to see his things the party tina
, occupied the grave next to mine re
= members it we'll Now do you see tina
# individual going along with piece Q
n a head board under his arm, one lie
= bone below his knee gone, and not
@ thing in the world on That is
!, and next to -- -, he was the mos
t sumptuously outfttod person that eve
2, entered our cemetery. We are all leaN
g ing. We cannot tolerate the treatmen
It we are receiving at the hands of on
T. descendants, They open new cemC
d teries, but they leave us to our ignC