The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1870-11-25
yARIETIEs.
This is genuine belle weather.
The awom.n ;s htackU-Dinah

RI Tho woman Is black -DinaD.
& scull race-A college examination.
81 A shot in the bird is worth two in the d
hand.
: When is the Wind ike = newspaper -
When It pufis. s1i5iis e's = s'.''
g Doing fair things Reducing the fare :
on the faiIroads.H Da6 stEs.s 2 rf,<E4 >.
Old fogies are averss to ovatioDs--ws Z
mean innovations. Dsq 9a5ds8H II
A sure way to make an impression--Fall =.
down 10 the mud. 5s.4 d. - =
MIssUoUaI has 927 miles Of railroad,
costing s51 ,000, 900. ~.
CALrYoRsrA produces 100000 Tbs
Of quicksilver annually.
"a lass I am no more" as the girl said
when she got married.
Living from hand to mouth is what a
wit calls Emanuel exereiss." es# ~
Charles Lamb calls colored children
ssinnocent little blacknesses."
A pretty girl, like hard sum, is some
thing to sigh for Cipher
There is no point lady likes 50 well
as point OF adm1ratlon, g
Ifyou would ever be remembered by
your friends, place yourself in their debt.
Why is convent like an empty house
Because it's pun-inhabited place.
Raining pitchforks is bad, but chilling
omnibusss" is worse, says an old joker. s
Always woman in every trouble
Miss Management has killed the French
Empire.
AT late fire in Fitchburg, Mass, a.
Steamer played thirty-si1 consecutive
hours.
THERE are twenty-one prisoners in the
North Indiana State prison who are SEN
fenced for life.
SEvEsTY-FIvx brides sat down to DIM
ner on a recent Sunday at one hotel at
Niagara Falls.
THE winner of floating match at Long
Branch lay on his back three hours aud
forty minutes.
Why is q pimple on = drunkard's face
like the cuts in q London paper! They
are illustrations of Punch.
THE Romanist population of the French.
Empire is 36, 800, ,664; the Protestant,
sol $50; the Jewish 15S ,994.
Why are country girls cheeks like a
COED calico dress Because they are
warranted to wash and retain their color
SEVERAL young men Of good families
10 New York have been taken to the
Bipghampton Asylum to be cured of
drunkenness.
OS gate-post in front of farm house
near Indiapsp polls, is sign which says
ssNo life insurance nor sewing machines
wanted here"
A SERVANT girl, in Toledo, frustrated
burglars plans by throwing him on: of
a garret window to the sidewalk. He
never recovered from the shock.
A DISSEMINATING young lad of our
acquaintance says that he likes rainy
day one that is to rainy to 60 to school,
and just rainy enough to go a-hshing.
s.How about the smallpox excitement
up your way" !" asked one countryman Of
another. "Oh ~ was.the reply, .'it's dy-sa
ing out with the patients"
BEsJAMIs GRIswoLD, Of Cambridge,
CT. now in bis 18th year, has just finish
ed reading his Bible through, BY course,
for the one hundred and thirteenth time. =
A SMART young lawyers clerk, hear:
ing lecturer state that .sman is merelya
machine" remarked, 81 suppose an astnr-
ney may be called a saeing machine
A WOMAN Of Troy, was lately brought. {
before Justice, charged with stealing .
sum Of money from her husband. She
was dismissed on the ground that wife
could not steal from her husband.
The champion shoemakers live at Lynn,
so far as length of service is concerned.
Edmund Lewis and James Barney have
worked at the trade seventy one and sew
enty years respectively, and now work
every day.
"What is the chief use of bread ?" ask
ed an examiner at school exhibitions
.The chief use of bread 2" answered the
urchin, apparently astonished, at the
simplicity of the inquiry. "Why, to
spread butter and molasses or"
.ARE you not ashamed to beg 7" said
the philosopher Montague. to strong,
healthy beggar, who was soliciting aims,
s.you are certainly able to work" 20, 5
sir" was the knave's rejoinder IF you
only knew how lazy ana!
THE commander ofa Prussian battalion
was arrested, after the storming of Spich-
eren Hights, for having charged without
waiting either for the artillery or the re- !
serves which were to cover his flank to,
come up. His defense was made 10 these ]
words: 81 had nothing to do with the at >
tack 9; neither had my subordinate officers.
When we entered the attacking line every
one Of my men rushed simultaneously
ahead, without waiting for any orders
What could we do but follow them to /.
prevent disorder and give the movements
as favorable turn as possible 2" At the
same time, the captain Of q company in !
this battalion, which was almost dccimat-s &
ed, tried to lead his handful Of men to the !
rear but they pretended not to hear the
signal. He then struck man in front :
of him onthe back with the fiat Of his
sword, but the soldier, without turning
replied Kill me, Captain, but don.torA
der me to rstreatr Finally, finding he
could not force retreat, the officer or
dered the bugle to sound the attack, for
the third time; and ahead the men went
&C. kick 80 ovar Rut oplv opo of4iear Z