davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09
A Story the Great Snowman Doesn't
Tell.

T. I. Barnum tells, in his autobiography. a
great many stories illustrative Of his own
sharpness, but 0mItS as many more in which
the laugh happens to lie at his own expense.
Onr oi these omitted incidents occurred in the
Npring OF l>G6 when Barnum was member Of
tn" Connrctlcut House of Representatives Il
wa the second week Of the session. and David
lark, ot Hartford. being in town--;hc Lrgi>
Mturc met in New Haven that year-gavr
very rogant dinner at the Sayin Rock House.
IN honor Of Gov. lllwIcy, vino hal lust been
luauguratrd. Twcu,y or thirty gentlemen
were invited among them p. f. Barnam aud
Ike Bronmlcy nov OF the Hartford Past.
then cdItor ot th" Norwich Bui,hu. aud Rem.
r",' ntatlvr from Norwich. Blruum. a, u,ulI.
was very con >plcuou,, doing most orthctaking.
ana making himself a. on~picuouS ~ possible.
Brom. who had never met the Snowman be
tore except once, casually at the beginning of
the session, was Il good deal disgu>tcd with
him.
BY and by, after the dinner had been dis
poS'd 9I }lr. Clark proposed the htlth Of
HoY. lia"iey, and the Governor Responded in
Mite speech One or two other III i-tinsu>hcd
gentlemen were toasted and responded, and
then BlInum ; health was proposed. The
great Snowman rose with the manner Of man
who Wa to say the funniest things # the even.
lng, and was confident he could fill til. hill. and
with an ar OF mock cmbarra>, ncut began:
Mr Chairman-lou know | am not in
the hablt Of making spccchrs-" Here he
commenced eXamiug his rockets. as if looking
tor hlN manuscripts; not fnlirg any he turned
to the gentleman near him and inquired:
W no got my nute>?'
The question had not left his lips hetar.
Brom., sitting away at the other end Of the
table, wlthou; lifting his eyes from the nut, ON
hI> plat, shouted in answer: j." Chauncey
Jerome"
The entire c~ow,l Happened to know tha.
story ofthe Bamum-J rlome faiure-hoY each
accused the other ot dishonesty, and how Bar
mum had come out OF it rich, whil. jerome. an
old ken down man, was left without DOL
lar in the world
The effect was electrical. The crowd stamn-
ed and yelled until the dishes danced. arI
Barnum for the first time in his life was really
embarrassed. He had not ANYTHING to ,ay
After while, when the uproar had sufficiently
subsidized to give him Il chance, he managed to
say, he "owrd the gentleman from Norwich
one, and with few word, sat down. But he
was eXtingui>hcd for the evening. and gave IN
for once the position Of head centre. Norrich
COHH., BaHetu.
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

To ARREST BLEEDlNG-A very simple
means Is offered to US to stop bleeding from
wounds or from the nose, or when caused by
IecchrS, n the use of wadling pressed for some
minutes by the fingers on the bleeding part.
Another powerful preventive is found in the
pcrsulphate OF iron, preparation of which,
known as MonScl's salt, was much used in mill
tary hospitals during the war. The bleeding
surface is to be touched with "A sponge or piece
Of lint covered with the powder or mo>tcncd
with the solution. \ remarkable case is rclat-
ed by DIR. Wetherlry, Of New York in which
inhalation of very dry persulphate of iron, re-
duced to an impalpable powder, entirely arrest
ed bleeding from the lungs after all the usual
remedies, lead, opium, g., had failed. A
small quantity was administered by drawing
into the lungs every hour during part of the
night and the following day
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09
PUeI/V.
ON THE SEA.

sail alone on the open sea
NJ boat is fra and the winds free
The light is fading and dim;
The waves sob low for the d,ing day,
Til" night comes down on nv lonely way;
But hear through wind and shadows dark.
.'tiud guards: freight ever your tossing bark
With al perfect trust in Him"
The stars shine on in the boundless blue,
Furc,cr there and forever true,
The waves by their simmer kissed
Ali friends pledged to he true as their truth.
Known lous ago in rapids OF youth,
Have FASTENED on in some happy gale,
With waving hands and futter oi sail
And disappeared in the mist.
And tar back whore the Fortunate Isles
The waters light with their luring smiles
. And SHINE like gold in the sun,
The currrit driited nv far from land
An S0uSh; the strength OF shining sand
In vain. All, we'll II is (iod who guides
Who marks our efforts. though man deride
That We lost when others won.
look afar when the days are clear,
And fancy the turrrts rising near
or the City re the sea,
Whose gates pearl, and whose streets are gold
And when dark storms OF the night enlold,
And my bark is tossed by wind, at will,
bong tor the Masters ' Peace, be STILL
As he spake Galilee,
And so l sail, through shadow and sun,
With helping hands Tor the shipwrecked one.
With Joyful songs for the gay
Works for the weak and smiles for the brave.
And cheer for all, crested wave
And rppling calm to the harbur .ar
Where peace is sure and our loved ones are.
And no night closes the day
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

For MODERATE DRINKERS. A " mcr,ban.
prince of New Iork-a portly six footer -
OF great manly beauty. who never dincd with
ont his brandy and water, nor went 10 ted
without terrapln or oyster supper. and who
was never known to he druuk-!ird of chronic
dlarrhea. common end Of those who are
never intoxicated and never out of liouor.-
H'Vs J,aruai If H,ohh gives this account Of
his death:
Months before he died-he was wear in
dylng-he could eat nothing without distress.
and at death the whole aimcntarv canal was
mass Of disease; in the midst of his millions
he died ot lnantion. That Is not the half.
reader He had been u steady driuker, daily
d1nker, Tor twenty-cight years Scrotu" had
been eating up one daughter for fifteen years:
another Is III the mad-houSe; the third and
fourth We're OF unearthly beauty; there was a
kind of grandeur in that beauty; but thrv
bllghtcd, paIcd Snd tadcd-into Heaven. we
tru>t-in their sweet teens; another is totter-
lrg on the verge OF the grave, and only one is
lcit with all the senses, and each Of them is as
weak as water.
The same periodical instances another case
that should supplement- the one inst given.
y gentleman of thirty five was sitting in a
chair with no specially critical symptom; pres
rnt; still he was known to be a diS~ipatei
young man. lie rose. ran fifty feet, fell down
aud died. The whole covering of the brain
was thickcnrd, its cavities were filled with =
fluid that did not belong to il, enough to kill
halt a dozen with apopcxy; great portion OF
one lung was in a>tatr of ganercna, anl nearly
all the other was hardened and useless blood
and yellow matter plastrrcd the inner covering
of the lungs, while angry patches Of de>truc,
tive inflammation were scattered along the
who'e alimcntary canal Why, there wa,
enough Of death in that one mans body To
have killed forty. The doctor who talks about
guzz'ing liquor every day being " healthy is
perfect disgrace to the mcdIca, name, and
ought to be turned ont to break stone for the
term of his natural life, at shilling day, and
find himself
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

About BUYING LAND.-Mr Greeley con
cludcs his third article on farming as follows ::
when ! was last in Illinois, | rode for some
hours beside a gray cortrd farmer Of some to
years, who told me this | came here thirty
years ago, and took un, at Sl.25 per acre, a
tract of land mainly in timber. am now
selling off the timber at $lO0 per acre, reScrv-
ing the land. That seems to me "a good opera
tion-nnt SO quick as corner in the stock
market, but far safer. And while would ad-
wise no man to incur debt, say most earnest
ly to all who have means, Look out the place
where you would prefer to live and die, take
time to suit yourself thoroughly choose it with
reference to your means, your calling. your
expectations, and, if you can pay for it, 6ny it.
DO not imagine that land is cheap in the " est
or the South only it is to be found chrar in
erFrH State by those able to own and who
know how TO use it, "
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

The Newark Aduetiser suggests new busi
ness for the blind. 1t says that in Newark
two or three OF these unfortunates sell teas
from house to house, having apparently bern
directed to ia ke that particular article By their
keen sense OF smell and taste. One of them Is
escorted by lad from the Foster Home the
other has borrowed a boy from the Ornban
Asylum to make change and act as guide.
Inelr teas are procured at the lowest wholesale
as capitalist for the concern. T6"v bsve t%"' I"',
raised themselves above the level of mrnJ;.
cancy, do not claim to be objects Of char;rr
and only ask for fair share Of business.
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

The late George Prn,oly though he gave
away millions, was exceedingly close in all mat
tterS Of personal expenditure When in Port
land, he invariably hired an old rattetrnp hack.
the driver OF which charged fifteen cents in.
stead OF twenty tiy". The story 20, that when
he was last in Portland, and was invited 10 a
dinner party, he took the fifteen cent carriage.
AN the driver approached tha house where the
dinner was given. and in from OF which large
number OF hne carriages We're drawn up. he
rose IN his seat and hawei ont at the top Of
room; I've got the biggest toad in the nud.
die" 'o lUN
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09
= - - - -

BoUGHT llTMSELF.-Au amusing affair hap
pened lately between Il coai.dca!cr and "a pur-
chaser. The latter was very anxious TO see
that the former did not cheat him. 50 he jthe
rut chaser inspected the weighing of the coal
himself, and tclt perfectly satisfied that he got
tie full allowance, However, while the coal
vas weighing, the driver Of the team could
not help laughing The purchaser. noticing
the laughing of the driver asked him, when
ne received the coal, what it was all about: 50
the driver told him. Shy. said he, when
your coal was weighing you were standing on
the scales and were weighed with il. ia
It possible? Why, | weigh nearly two hun
drcd pounds "Wcll. >ir. said the driver.
Won are sold. y 'Io,." wa the reply. .anj
| have bought myself, TOO. '-.Nl,rjulicH Re
pu;Iionu.
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

During a recent tr">hct a. Connecticut.
W Waterbury editor teIcg lph.d 10 another at
the scene 1i acton: Send me the full nn,-
tirulars Of tn flo, The a al>wcr clne,
gu will tind them in Genesis.
\ young laly in California broke her neck
while resisting the attempt IF young man to
kiss her. Young ladies should he very careful
not to resist such attempts 1t is extremely
dangerous.
\ contemporary says it had hardly publish
cd It's first number when the editor received n
lengthy communication from A Constant
Reader.
1t was Dr. Holmes. We believe, who said
that ea>y-"rying widows take new husbands
soonest. There is nothing like wet weather for
tranSplanting
\ boy in Towanla swallowed screw last
week, and the fool OF doctor gave him mus
tard and warm water instead of IL Scrcw-,Iriver.
\ mi>er grows rich hy seeming poor; an
eXtraVagant grows poor by seeming rich.
The Wom"n brat the men in their opposition
70 female suffrage.
When is grocer ike fIghwavman? Whom
he lies in weight.
At what time was Adam married? UpoD
his wedding Eve.
Said concerted young lady: lyon men
are u cOvet-uS set.
NeccSsitT has no law but an uncommon
number of lawyers.
The only organ without stops is go>sip's
tongue
A Deer DSh-VcniSon.
Late IIabit~-Night
A CRATE nui>ance-Rad coal
Chicago Fashons-Divorce suits.
Skylghts-'rhe sun, moon, and stars.
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

The U. s. Senate Postal Committee will pro.
bably report in favor of reducing letter postage
to two cents, and for material reduction on
other matter. Even at aese cheap rates the
Department will be self sustaining if only the
burden of the Franking Privilege can be re.
moved
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

\ newly married laly III Chic7g comp ned
to her ma that on her reception day her card
basket wa> oycrrun with circulars from lavy yers.
announcing terms for divorce. so absurd
You know, m, before our h ,ncymooni, over"
: True, dear, replied ma, VIII" had been twice
divorced, " bur, Id PAT them in a sale place;
you may lind them very useful in a year or
two.
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

Mr. =. $. Gilmore, the great originator of
the great Boston jubilee. is resolved that flu
ture ages Shall know how gigantic was his Co.
il>eum and that none OF the particulars shall
be lett to the misty cheucr> of tradition. Mr.
Gilmore, therefore, ha> Laid duwn the baton.
taken up the pen, and is now engaged in writ.
ing. full and complete history of the me-
ludiuuS event
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09
80

Says the Louisville C6mier.. "When Won
come to look at it properly, there is nothing
strange IN the fact that no citizen of Chicago
has ever been converted to Mormonism. 4
man who can live with one wife six weeks at
"a time naturally stands aghast at the thomgbt
Of attempting to live with fifteen or twenty"
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

A lady in Louisville Kentucky, was robbed
p,y fellow who secreted himself in her cham
per until she had retired. The box containing
ner jewels and that containing her rogue were
Just alike, and the thief took the wrong box.
She looked pale on discovering her loss, but
her color came again the next day.
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

At recent examination of S,o.cl, farmer.
on M sister rutc.ing ,h" hoX t. IT," examined,
the following conversation to,k riac. between
her and the oppo>lnl agent:
Agent " low o.d are you?
Mis- Jane. "Oh, w-c. Sir. I am an un.
married woman, AMI iInna think it rcht to
answer that qu .~tion.
The judge. "Oh yes, answer tn" gentle
mau how old you are.
Miss Jane. " Wrrl a wcrl. I am fifty"
Agent. Are y,u notluorr?'
Mis- Jam. "Wr., avn ,ixtv.
The iu4u-itive agent >tiil further asked if
she hal Any hope, ot getting married, to which
She replied:
- Wcel, Sir. wiinl tell lie hinna lost
all hope vt. And she >cornfully added:
hut wIdna marry you, for | am sick and
tIrr.i &" your palavrr already.
The examination proceeded
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09


y NoMANS PRESENCE OF MIxp In the
great snow storm IN Maine ON the 18Th mir
WIS. Nathaniel Moody left Lewiston with a
morse ana pun@ tor her home in Auburn, ON
the westerly side of Taylor pond Onrcacblno
the pond she attempted to drive across to .bnr-
ten the distance, but lost the track. and att,r
driving around in circIe for an hour or more
II being dark and cold, She determined to ~ton
where she wa~ and make the hest of the >itua-
non. Wrapping the child up IN two hufFulo
robeS which she fortunately had, She unhar-
ntSSed the horse and turned him loose She
then tipped the pung up and made "a temporary
shelter beneath 1t, and wrapping the drapery
oi her couch about her, she land down for the
night. She made pillow of her arm for the
little chld, and with one robe beneath thpm
ana one above them, and the sheets of snow
over ana under all, they entered on "A long.
c9id ana deSolate winter night. The snow drift
ed against the pung, and rendered her novel
resting place warmer. Though her sleep wa,
not untIOublCd with dreams, Mrs Nondv
a"9kc the next morning to find herself safe
ana the babe sleeping as Swcctly on the hcecy
snow as on downy pillows. part of her arm
had become exposed and had frozen, otherwise
sue was warm. The horse appeared at the
homestead across the pond in the morning. and
ms presence revealed thetrouble Search wa.
immediately mn, made, and Mrs Moody and her
cnlld were soon rescued. Such an exhibition
oi presence OF mind and courage is rare.
-.
w HAT PIANOS ARE MADE oF..-Uow few
OF the young ladies who daily finger pianos
nave any conception OF the variety and combi-
nAtlPh OF materials nScd in their construction
IN II every well made piano, there are fifteen dif
lereht Kinds OF wOod-pine, maple, spruce
chfrry' walnut, whItewooI, apple, basswood
cedar' blrch, mahogany, ebony, holly. beech
ana rosewood This combination of woods is ne.
ceSSifE III order to produce elasticity, strength
pIa.DlllIty' toughness, RESONANCE, lightnes,. du
raHlliy and beauty, each qualIty being indiyid-
u"' III ltSei, and to the production of which the
various woods named are essential. OF the
metals used, there are iron, steel, brass, white
metal, gun metal aud lead Each instrument
oI seven aud a-halt oclavcs has two hundred
ana elEhty-Neven feet of steel WIRE and five
hundred feet of white covering wire. 4 ni,nn
properly constructed of these materials will
stand hlte"n years of constant use. The iour
nai from which we derive these intrrn,t t;m,,
iact~, states that the manularrure of r;,nns j.,
New ork alone averages fifteen thou>,nd ,rr
annum. ''''N Pc
Inc people OF Weston, Mo-, having recently
hung an innocent man for horse stealing. nre
T., L
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09
The House Fly.

How many OF our readers are familiar with
the early history of the common house hv. an
insect that makes IT'S appearance in early spring
lncountI"SS >Warms, coming from some unknown
locality, and disappearing almost as mv>tcrious-
lE There are few insects at once so familiar to
al, and yet the natural history of which is 50 little
understood; and 1t may not be amiss, therefore.
to recount few facts which have been ascer-
tanned in regard to it.
he order OF DYptcrd, to which the hv be.
longs, Is one Of great extent and its members
in their different forms include many of the
greatest pests in existence both to man and
animals. The mosquito, the gnat, the biting
fly, the hofse-tiy, the tSetZc, Zimb, and other
species are well known Illustrations of this
statement, many of them being armed with
lancctS and other forms Of aggressive weapons.
by means OF which they become a source of
torment. The hou>c-fy, however, although
provided with some similar APPARATUS does
not use it commonly so as to draw blood. It's
oitenslveneSs consisting principally in the per
unaclty with which it insists upon crawling
over the skin or in iniesting articles of food.
The eggs OF the housc-iy are laid in dccayed
vegetable matter, such as dead leaves, and es-
pecaly the manure Of stables, about seventy
or eighty beng the usual number These soon
hatch, and the larvp grows rapidly. E.pdino
upon the substance found near il. After a
short time the outer skin hardens and becomes
brown and tough forming case shaped like a
little barrel divided into rings. The translor
nation of the larvae is quickly made, and the
animal /, soon ready to emerge as a perfect in
sect
The common blow-hy is another species of
this order, which lays its eggs in decaying flesh,
and which sometimes hatch before leaving the
body of the parent and in any event very soon
becomes developed into larvae. They form the
well-known maggots, which are the ANNOYANCE
OF housekGepcrs in hot weather
A fly very similar to the housc-fy in general
appearance, but with the wings diycrging more
widely when in a state of rest, is provided with
a very powerful lancet, by means of which
blood may be drawn in an instant after settling
upon the body of an animal. 1t is curious
tact, that this species, like the mosquito, in
aightlng upon an upright surface, uniformly
rests with its head upward, the true house-hy
occupying a precisely opposite direction, or
with the head downward thus afOrding ready
means of distinguishing them.
The house fly, both as a grub and perfect
insect, furnishes food to great variety of other
animals; but the destruction Of the adult is
largely due to the growth OF parasitic fungus
which attacks it, and developing rapidly in its
interior, soon exhausts its vitality. -Harpers $
MdgdziHe.
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

reach your children to help themselves, but
not to what does not belong to them. .
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

George Fox, miS'r who died recently in
Third avenu", New York. has willcd MS pro-
perty, valued at $+ou.op 10th" United States
to be applied in pAym ~ OF the national debt.
Three nlrre~ and n"purwS. now living in
tenement house in Bro 'kIyn, are coulesting
tho will
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

nc people OF Weston, Mo-, having recent,
nune an innocent man for horse stealing. arr
"o" raising money to get him grav, stone.
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09
. . . = .

Said youn~Ster, in l high gee, displaying
his purchase TO ho>um friend ON the side
Wnlk lwn cocoa nuts tor t2n cents. that
viii make me sick tc-morrow, and Wont have
to 90 to srnnAl
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09
WHOLE NO. 7R5

y sensible youn~ iady. who j. NOT suffering
50 much for ,uttr'@" ~ some Of her sisters,
thus poctizcS her wants:
wan man w',,. only thought
l. me- and 'I. ai"u.;
Who never il, bat i,.'4 brought
something iur III, Own:
WI" seem, =" 'rv" "a luu,.cI hands
70 shelter II storm.
Whp seems {" have ri..lrci fans
When a,i .-.g warm.
Who worried = 20 hear me cuuyll
b. .'..- %. .....r rl.r-ti.
Va" a.aA' '.r,, r.. rabnrr, oT!
Az l",tl.va,tI ar.,i.
Nr'n> si.n...I'.. D, i,.rrr-,
G.'al -,.. ..rl ..-.,n
7" pa? ti.. PRESTON uu l.- knees
Then ils ,o..l.,; ;.,. " Pom
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

Rev. Noah Schcnck, d. d., rector of St.
AIMS, Brooklyn, advises people to sleep an
hour or two later ON Sunday than any other
day in the week, and thus he the better pre-
pared for the services and the duties of the
Sabbath. Then let the Sunday School meet
at 10 o clock, giving parents, as well as chill
drcn, the opportunity of attending, followed
by public preaching at II. The afternoon to
be devoted to religious instruction in the hmi
ly; and the churches aud pcws thrown open to
all in the evening, Tor the diSpensation Of the
word
Smyrna times., 1870-03-09

The bH-'o the Wi&p is the name Of new
London comic paper. 0 u " ne"
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1870-05-17
LOUISIANA STATE LOTTERY.


In consequence of the recent decision of the
Judge of the Fourth District Court of this city, de-
Gliding that this Company is liable for q claim of
fifteen hundred dollars brought against it, based on
policy book brought by vendor to the office OF
the Company after the drawing of the Lottery and
1t beng apparent to every that it would be ut
teriy impossible for this Company to transact its
business under any such ruling and being entitled
it is, to all just and rghtful modes of protection
against any dishonest vendor, their confederate s or
others who may attempt, by the above means to
defraud and injure this Company, they therefore
notify the public that, from and after this cate in
case any vendor fails, from acy cause whatever, to
return to the Companys Office, before the drawing
of the Lottery the full report and copy of all plays
taken by him on the policy plan, in any LOTTERY,
the Commissioners shall announce publicly
from the stand, previous to the drawing
the nams and place of business of such ven.
dor, together with the declaration that in the
absence of the required returns being made, the
Company will not hold itself liable for any plays
made or certlfcstes issued by hm-all such being
null and void except so far as refu nding purchase
money to the holders.
The public are thus notified that the above con.
dition is attached to all plays taken By any ore
against this Company on the policy plan.
CHAS. T. HOWARD, President.
New Orleans, May IA, 1870. myl5 lm2dD