The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1870-09-16
YARIETIEs.

Popular diet in Utah-spare nib
A regular old salt-Salt peter.
The raw Observation-Disclosures steak:
How to make clean sweep-Wash-
him
Chicago on "White Stoekings"-darn
'em.
How to become a contractor-Sit ON
ice.
The grandest verse in existence-The
universe.
The wool clip of Iowa is about all in
the market.
Some trees are very overbearing in
their disposition.
Punch says that a silk dress should
never be satin.
Notable places for the weak-Barrooms
on Saturday night.
Curious: The seasons not only alter
nate. but altcr-nater.
Waves that are harmless-The waves
of ladies' hankerchieis.
Singular: 1t generally requires round
gum to make things square.
Ifa man is given to liquor, see tn 1t
liquor Is not given to him.
Fifteen thousand bachelors in Kansas
have "none to caress.
Detroit, from her partial census returns;
estimates population Of $4,000
Passing an omnibus appropriation bill
IL nf
The Cincinnati Enquirer thinks that
sas failure Grant is success"
Wedlock is the only lock that can new
er be picked with safety.
A machine at Ruthland, VT, can cut
l ,209, ,0O9 slate pencils day.
In Georgia colored school the head
boy is aged 8 and the tail boy 40.
They say the ground is the only relia-
bic bank but it is broken evrey day.
Why are ships called "She?' Because
they always keep man on the look out:
The school census just completed
makes the population Of Chicago '3O6j
COS.
A good kick out Of doors, to some, is
better than all the rich uucles in the
world.
What is generally called fast living is
really nothing but dying as quickly as
possible.
Some one very atroeiously says that
the Germans are at lager-heads with the
French.
During peaee, q regiment is quartered;
during waEfitne, it is occasionally cut to
pieces.
Great singers are often in debt-They
getinto the way of running up high
scores.+
A candidate for Congress in Arkansas
originally went there as "bones" in min
strel show.
"Setting a man trap" is the title given
to picture of pretty young lady ar
ranging her hair.
Richmond, Virginia, expects the cen-
sus will show that it has Fifty five thous-
and population.
This is the last rose Of summer" ex-
claimed a wag, as he arose from bed on
the 3lst Of August.
The ladies fan themselves into pers-
piration, and directly wonder how it can
be so very warm.
The Office holders at Long Branch
have been taxed to pay Mr.. Grants ex-
penses at that resort.
The latest wedding card is made at
tractive by the following cheerful lnscrip-
ton: "Free whiskey."
What is the use of sheriff pressing"
an unfortunate creditor when be is already
thoroughly ''fiattened out?"
The New York Times truly says that
the blunders of Congress ''are scarcely dis
ltinguishable from crimes"
Isaac in Abraham's hands was said to
be like piece of auction goods, because
he was offered at a sacrifice.
Kansas announces that it has NO room
for million or so of Chinese to go into
the silk manufacturing busiues.
1t is to be hoped the Radicals mean
nothing disrespectful when they claim to
have slight hand" on the government.
St. Louis hardly thought the seat of
government would be transferred to Long
Branch, before going to the Mississippi.
A guest at hotel in Leavenworth,
Kansas, ate over q dozen ears of green
corn at one meal the day before his fun-
era!.
There is only one good substitute for
the endearments of a sister, and that is
the endearments of some other fellows
sister.
"There are thirty thousand gods In
the Chinese religion" And not one of
them, as Beecher would say, is worth a
Id.
Miss Edine Howard's idea of temper
ance is that one had better get drunk at
once on ''straight whiskey" than to waste
ailsday in doing it on beer.
A lady who was not SEaksspearian
scholar, hearing the "Merry Wives of
Windsor" highly praised, inquired how
many wives Mr.. Windsor had.
The temperance men of Michigan hav-
ing nominated candidate for secretary
of state, the radicals want to make Chan-
dler governor, so as to balance the scales.
Ladies at Saratoga say that if you rub
the outside rim Of the ear with a little
cologne or spirits of amonia, you will
keep delightfully."- cool on the warmest
day.
| Sir Francis Crosley an English million
|aire, has given 100000 to certain public