The Petroleum Centre daily record. [volume] (Petroleum Center, Pa.) 1868-1873, 1870-06-22
CsiUDE ANOREFlNED.

told bin, they were not issuing free passes
to assassins that day, but VIII henever ne got
control of road making through connec-
tions for hell Mcfarland should 60 through
on the lightning express, free.
Some one has calculated that there are
2O,649 stitches in shirt. and an indefinite
number of stitches in the side Of the poor
seamstress that makes 1t.
This is the poetic way in which West
field, Mass, character explained how he got
ill-matched with shrew:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
Aud the Lord sent them mamma;
Captain George Ace Noble wanted a
wife,
And the devil sent him Hannah.
The Chinese of San Francisco who make
their living at the wash-tub rioted the
other day because some clothes were ash
ed at figures below the standard price,
Twenty-Five were arrested, and number
Of butcher knives and hatcheis coniisca-
ted.
The Toronto Telegraph is still harpiug
on the Fenian raid 1t says: "England is
responsible, yet the raids have cost her
nothing The Americans are responsible,
yet the raids have cost them nothing
Canada is not responsible, yet the raids
bave cost her Four Millions" ''Somebody
must indemnify u.s." We can do only one
thing by way of compensation, and that is
to buy the Dominion. We will give $780,
COO, ,000-in Alabama claims.
Here is sensible lrishman's opinion OF
the meaning Of the late Fenian movement
"What does it name? Well, I'll tell yees
what it names, jst 1t names that good
many min who Served as officers in the war
don't want to git their livin by hard w,lr-
ruck, and they want to git the tin cents out
o. the pockets o. jist sich hard wnrrickn
Irishmen as myself That's what it names,
be dad!"
Feminine walters maids.
Benignant laws-laws O mercy.
American bronzes-Dead beats.
A martial spifit-a son of a gun.
Hors du combat-a cavalry steed.
Rnrul sports-the bolcs of a tree.
A proverbial ANIMAL saw-horse.
great uncle to have-the pawnbrok-
er.
Dreary travel.ng-ma king skele!onJtonrs
Marine measurement-the yards of 0
ship.
A clergyman in, Northampton, Mass.
last Sunday preached sermon to the To-,
comotive engineers. Special trains from
New York, Boston, Hartford and othel
places carried hundreds of the craft to heal
this novel discourse. His text was taken
from Chronicles 26: "Uzziah made eugines
J in Jerusalem;' from Isiah 4.2s: "Theil
wheels were like o viii rlwind," and from
, Psalms: "Peace be upon (h)Is.rael." The
clergyman is what is known as a Tracktar-
ian.
The pictures in the Rotunda Of the Cant
tol, as they appeared few years ago, are
thus described: ''How Washington looks
like top, and CORVALLIS like fool; how
Ben. Franklin looks like an over-fed bul-
lock, and Louis Six xteenth OF France like Q
ropipjay; how Mrs. Pocabontas is in basque
and rouge, and Mrs. Smith isn't there q
: all; how Millard Fillmore looks like q bricl
and Frank Pierce like pile of bricks; hov
: she gifted young Kane smiles serenely II
the snowiest marble. and tbe naughty b. cad
of Pulaski. rises with red battle sensua
zest In every beautiful feature; How Kos.
ciusko, wan, stern, immortal, stands 4
ascetic severity. by the side of bis Polls
brother"
The other day. says the New Orlean
Picayune, very pretty blne eyed coquet
= tish.loOkiDg creature made ber appearance
r at tie office of the Chief of Police and de
y manded an interview. 'In what can
d oblige you, madame!" inquired the polit
o official. "Are You the Chief, sir?" ~ hav
= that honor" "Are you q married man
Now this is a question which modest bacl
II elors find it difficult to reply to wifhol
Is blusbing. Nevertheless, the officer braye
;, answered in the negative. II am sorry fc
this, F" continued the lady, ''for l desire
consult you. on delicate subject" TIL