Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1870-04-06
THE RONIC

LIE
Though charity makes your purse
lighter n day, yet it makes heavier
another.
A portrait of John Brown is to be
hung in the Kansas State Capitol, at
the expense of the Commonwealth.
Worldly pleasures are no more able
to satisfy the soul than the light of Il
candle 10 give day to the world.
One solitary philosopher may be
great, virtuous and happy in the
depths of poverty, but not a whole
people.
Some men are like pyramids, which
are very broad where they touch the
ground, but grow narrow as they reach
the sky.
Touching and irresistible was that
invitation of the rustic maiden to her
swain: "COme over and see me; we
have a new lamp at our house, that we
can turn down, down, down, until
there is~n'tscarcely a bit of light in the
room"
People say, "How fortunate it is
that things have turned out lust as
they have-that I was prepared for
this" AS if God did not arrange the
whOlei One might as we'll say, "How
fortunate it is that l have a neck be-
meath my head, and shoulders under
my neck"
a Methodist minister in the Sar-
DINA district, who is a true Irishman,
had the parents of a child present il
for baptism not long since. On being
told the child's name was "Vallandig-
ham," he refused to baptiZe it, with
the remark that he "could not give
any child the name of a traitor"
"An elderly Baptist lady, living up
the Muskingum, writes d private let
ter to a friend: we can't get to
meeting this weather, but the minis
ter staid with us three days; we gave
him ten lbs. of butter and a ham, and
you better believe we kept him Dr0y-
ing while he staid.'"
David Phillips, of Wood county,
Ohio, having been acquitted of the
murder OF Charles Lundy, on a plea
of insanity, a year ago, secured his
lawyers, by giving them a mortgage
on his farm. He repudiates the mort
gage now, as he was insane when he
made it, according to the showing of
these same lawyers.
Some time since a gentleman died
who, during Lire, refused to believe in
any future punishment. Two or three
weeks after his demise his wife re-
ceived, through q medium, a eommu-
nicatiOn which read as follows Dear
wife, 1 now believe. Please send me
my thin clothes and a barrel of ice
water"
A New York man recently went to
Philadelphia and opened a saloon
with it. He lasted ten days. He says
that though the Quakers are very
mild, ordinarily, when it'comes to a
free lunch, they are not standing back
looking on much. What they can't
eat they carry off in their umbrellas.
An Englishman gave a discharged
domestic the following character :"
1.-THE bearer has been in my house q
year-minus IL months. During that
time she has shown herself diligent-
at the house door; frugal-in work ;
mindful-Of herself; prompt-in ex-
cuses; fit ndly-towaTd men; faithful
10 her lovers; and hOnest-when
everything had vanished.
An absent-minded old bachelor is
in the habit, when he comes home to
tea. of putting the kettle on the stove,
and taking a snOOZe until the kettle
to sing, when he gets up and
makes his tea. The other evening,
being a little Frustrated on account of
old Simpkins' daughter ''cutting"
him III the street, he put the kettle on
the lounge and got on the stove him.
self, and never discovered his mistake
until he began to sing.
SEE in this world, two heaps-oDe
of human Happiness and one of hu-
man misery. Now if I can take but
the smallest bit from the second heap,
and add but a little to the first, l do
some good. If as l go home, a child
has dropped a halfpenny and by giving
it another [ wiped away its tears, 1
feel that l have done something. /
should be glad indeed, to do great
but 1. will not neglect such
little things as these.-JohH Newton.
A clerk in a dry goods store retired
one night, having for his b~ed-fellow
an acquaintance dating back to school
DAYS. Our informant slept in the
next room adjoining, the door of
was partly open. In the mid
die of the night, he says, he was
awakened from sleep by hearing the
in a loud tone of voice, eXclaim,
How many yards did you say you
wanted, Marin? Three yards enough?"
And the next thing heard was a tear
ing noise, and the bed-fellOw of the
clerk shouted out, "What are you do
You have torn my shirt from
to top!" The poor dreamer
imagined himself in his store, waiting
on a lady customer, who wanted three
yards Of calipO