The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1870-05-19
WIT AND HUMOR

nave 10 Wulk UncR' f
-"Alrs we'll that ends we'll" said
the monkey, contemplating his beauti-
full tail,
The Way the World Goes-You
know gentleman by his gait--and
blackguard by his Billingsgate.
Il We are told to have hope and
trust; but what can poor fellow do
when he no longer can get any trust?
| There is q farmer in Yorkshire
who has mile of children. His name
Ii is Furlong, and he has four boys anil
four girls. Eight furlongs make one
mile.
All! It's so.-While thousands
fall by clashing swords, ten thousand
fall by corset-boards; yet siddy te--
males (thonghtess trainD for sake OF
fashion yield to pain.
"A club of henpecked hubs met
once weck-that meeting being their
only day of enjoyment and rest. When
they adjourned they called it the rising
of the tied
Barry Cornwall says, "Come' let
me dive into thine eyes" 1fhis love
had "swimming eyes" very good; but
at all events, our advice to the young
woman is, for divers reasons, don't let
him do it, He might go over "cata-
ract."
- Come, Bob, get up" said an in
dulgent father to his hopeful son, the
other morning "Remember, the carly
bird catches the worm" "What do !
care for worms" replied the young
hopeful, "mother won't let me 60 a
fishing"
"A wagsish speculator, one OF
numerous family in the world, recently
said, Give years ago | was not worth
a penny in the world; now sec where
I am through my own excrtions'
"Well. where arc you" why
thousand pounds in debt"
"A newly married gentleman and
lady riding in chaise, were unfortu'
natcly overturned. A person coming
to their assistance observed it was
shocking sight every shocking, in
deed" replied the gentleman, 'to see
a new married couple fall out so SOON
Douglas Jerrold was subjected to
a series of long interviews with an old
lady, . friend of the family, who was
in the habit Of talking to him in very
gloomy and depressing manner, pre-
senting to him only the sad side OF
life Hang it, said JerroId, "she
wouldn't allow there was o bright side
to the noon
--"Really, witness, when you have
to appear before the court, it is your
bounden duty to bemore clean and de
cent in your appearance" said Lord
Peterborough to an i'll clad witness
5 "I'm every bit as we'll dressed as your
, lordship," said Hodge. "Whatdo you
mean, sr?' asked his lordship, angri-
/, ly. "Why, you come here, in your
working clothes, and l come here in
mine"
An old gentleman travelling soma
years ago, inside the Bath mail, had
two ladies, sisters, for companions.
The younger, an invalid, soon fell
asleep, and the old gentleman expressed
his regret to see so charming young
lady in i'll health. "Ah, yes, indeed
sighed the eldest sister, "a disease OF
the heart" Dear me-" was the SYM
pathetic response, "at her age? Ossi'
dcation, perhaps2' ooh, no, sir,
lieutenant" "
"A country editor, in alluding to
= rival town, says that lit takes several
=. of their pigs to pull up blade OF
, grass; and they are SO poor that the
o foremost seizes the spear in his mouth.
the balance having taken each other ny
G the tail, when they all give a long pull,
a strong pull, and pull altogether
and if it breaks, the whole tumble TO
the ground, for the want Of sufficient
), strength 10 support themselves 1t
:, takes three or four to make shadow
y james Ferguson and his witc led
= a dog and cat lite, and she is not once
alluded to in the philosophers autobi'
- ography. About the year 100, one
evening, while he was delivering to
, London audience lecture on astrono-
=, nv, his wife entered the room in apas.
sion, and maliciously overturned seye-
>, raj pieces of the apparatus, when all the
notice FAguson took OF the matter
was the observation to the audience,
Ladies' and gentlemen, bave the mis-.
J. fortune to be married to this woman"
a There is an anecdote told of DR..
3 Emmons, one of the most able Of tho
> New England divines, meeting pan
: thcistical physician at the house OF o
e sick parishioner. 1t was no place for a