The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1870-08-20
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

The Macomb Edgts advocates the lntrooucuon
of the wheelbarrow, instead of the defunct veloc'
ipede.
The objection to the wheelbarrow is that 1t
il too much like "busineSs." The railroaders'
violin would never be popular among the kid
glove gentry.
At a recent woman suffrage convention Mrs.
Blake said woman's sphere has been bounded on
the north by her husband, ON the south by her
baby, on the east by her brother-in-law, and ON
the west by her maiden aunt She now proposes
to enlarge it.
Enlarge what?
The Wilmington Independent, among other
announcements, has these:
Watermelons and the cramps have made their
appearance.
Woman is the only female in creation who
sings.-RochJord Register.
How about the ''muskeeter!
An exchange says:
A hundred and fifty Wisconsin editors took
an excursion in Iowa, and all complain because
the cooks at the Burtis House. at Davenport, in
cooking eggs scrambled the hen and all right in
together. without removing feathers and things.
Some editors are so particular you can't take any
comfort with them.
The Aurora BeacoH nominates Farnsworth for
Congress We thought the Beac0n was an hon.
est paper. Oh, what a fall was there, my coun.
trymenl The BeacOa sheds a darA light
They have butcher at Aurora whose name is
"Unfried" If his steaks ure ditto, "it will be
we'll"
They run over little boys up at Aurora who
try to jump onto cars when in motion. One of
these days we may have like sorrowful account
to mention, as having occurred on our Fox River
Valley road line.
The Marengo Republican, has the following
pointed notice in its local columns:
Mrs. Groat wishes the young man who d0r.
g0,oed dollar of her to take himself and girl to
the circus, would call and pay it,"
A little fellow of theological turn was puz.
zled to see "how the devil came to turn out so
when there was no other devil to put him up
to it,"
He must have seen dad" Randall of the
Aurora Beacon, or that De Land who never takes
saleratus Gin hisn."
One of the best exchanges ON our list is the
Pontiac Free Traoer. Its last last weeks leader
starts out vigorously, as follows:
RADICALIsM-The exhibition of moral de-
pravity, trickery, bribery, wicked aud ma.
Icous hate characterizes all the so-called repub-
ican conventions and gatherings this season, and
is disgrace to the civilization of the age, that
should cause men of all parties to blush with
shame.
Let the radicals read this and answer, if they
can?
The same paper makes this horrible statement
Some lady left her water tall on the pavement
near the office, the other evening. The owner
can have it by calling at this Office.
"Can such things be, and overcome US, like q
summer cloud, without our special wonder P"
30 water fall was there, my countryme.!"
The absurd whiskey meter having just been
abolished, all our drinking songs will perbably
be set in future to common meter."-Er.
Does that prove whisky to be meat and drink
or drink and meter by moonlight?
The editor of the Wenona index is elated.
Last week he was interviewed" by little In.
dex notwithstanding boy" an index of large
book soon to be issued-in numbers--"bound in
calf"
The West Point cadets say that when a lady
wears long dress to one of their hops they love
to look at her. when she wears short one, they
love to dance with her.-Eechangc.
This seems to be the result of West Point
education.
A hen at Cape May found torpedo on the
ground, and just pecked away at it until there
was frcasseed hen all over the garden.
Repre.hen.sible conduct!
President Grants administration pays more of
the public debt in one month than Andrew John.
sons did in year-Er
And drinks more whisky.
A gentleman at Scranton, Penn, lost his nose
by trying to look in room where he was not
wanted
He (klnoae less than heretofore.
The Cambridge Democrat says:
"Radcalism is on the back action move, now"
Yes Trying to Ego back" on its thieving.
The Joliet Republican eases its mind in this
way:
1t is really amusing 70 see some of the "oldest
inhabitants" of Joliet so deeply interested in the
splendid stream of water which flows from the
artesian we'll. Many who have not tasted water
since the flood" except az diluted by "old rye,"
may be seen daily standing over the flowing
stream, admiring its purity and beauty. What
blessing if these old "sardines' could be in.
duced for once to quench their burning thirs.
from the abundant flow of our new well
A candidate for Congress in Arkansas went to
that state as "bones' in u minstrel show.--Es