The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1870-07-08
THE TRIALS OF A COUNTRY EDITOR.
His L.abOrs and ReWRrd-TVants to
Sell out.
Written for the Pulaski CItizen.l

| MIR. EDITOR: Like yourself am ai
Editor-but unlike yourself I am
4 Country editor. I was not always thus
however. I have seen better days er
I capped the climax Of my misfOrtun
by accepting, not the editorial tripod
but the editorial three-legged stoOi c
"The JimtOwn Weekly BIowhard AM
Snipe County BIunderbuss," pape
published in the somewhat remote ant
certainly debilitated town of JimtOwn
AS I said before, I was not always thu
not much-for my parents, although
poor, had some tOIerably decent idea
of respectability, and designed thei
son for a better sphere in life wher
his talents could, at least, be fairly dis
played.
Par pGTenthesiS, the ambition of m.
maternal and paternal progenitOrs wa
to see me q Doctor, but I had too hOl.
a horror Of manslaughter to follow
that profession.
I received a pretty fair English edu
cation. Learned to read and writ,
(strange as it may seem when you re
member my present vocatiOn) and ac
quired enough of arithmetic TO figure
out what didn't belong to me, anC
enough of geography to know that the
United States made a splendid trade
when they purchased the fertile ice
bergs of Alaska, together with an in
telligent population of polar bears,
Walruses and seals.
In an evil hour however, was en-
ticed to JimtOwn, and once there, ]
speedily became too poor to get away.
After many halcyOn days of hard labor
consumed in playing checkers, match
ing nickels and shooting marbles with
the merchants and business men OF
Jimtown, who were certainly live and
progressive men when checkers, nick
els and marbles were concerned, 1 was
induced to become controlling and
managing Editor of the afore-mentiOn-
ed County paper. was to furnish the
brains "a kind of capital very scarce in
JimtOwn) and the Publisher was to
furnish me with exchanges, steel pens,
any amount of free fights, an OppOrtu-
nifty or two to immOrtalize myself, and
all the specimens of radishes, beets
sent into the Office to be puffed during
the year. have faithfully performed
my part of the contract and l regret to
say the Publisher has performed his
also. 1 have supplied 1.-The Weekly
BIowhard1 with brains until I have
barely enough left to keep me out of
the lunatic Asylum, and in return I
have received three exchanges Zone
of them a journal devoted exclusively
to Fahnestock's Vermifuge,) q black
eye, q broken nose, three turnips, one
squash, five pumpkins, q patent gOurd
vine made of white wire "a very useful
inventiOn) one "cussing" and four
dried beets. Besides, have had my
character perforated until it has as
many holes in it as a minnOw net and
my ears cannot distinguish the music
of an HOlian harp from the dulcet
tones of a jackass.
I have written puffs about tour
clever friend Jinks' saw MILL" our
bosom companion Browns hog pen, I"
"our devoted and urbane right-hand
bower Timpson's turnip patch," tour
enterprising and public spirited fellow
citizens Slow & Co.'s new hitching
post" Peters new wife and Johnson's
new baby. In addition to these mar
Velous contributions to journalistic lit
erature, have written agOnizing ar
ticles about the JimtoWn Dramatic So
cietY and the artistic manner in which
it rendered Shakspeare's Hamlet, ga
play in which our talented friend Pete
Sinks displayed his God-like genius,
threw Thalia herself into parOxysms of
joy by playing Hamlet in jeans instead
of sables and with all the clothing
about his person, that he could spare,
Cd 70 ~ If ~ II
hide boots" IhaVe also lauded to the
skies a concert given by the young
ladies of JimtOWn, the proceeds of
which We're to be devoted to the very
Iaudable and highly commendable
purpose of buying hOar-hOund candy
for the poor little lambs of the Baptist
Sunday School who had kicked off the
" kiver" and caught cold. OF course I
done up the concert in killing style.
spoke of the gorgeous voice of Miss
Mary Jane Higgins which filled the
majestic aisles of the building (there
wasn't but one Gle" in it and that was
a bad article of chair Hen with volumes
of harmony. Miss Penelope White
ravished the audience " ith her musical
notes 4 didn't say anything about her
fathers Tavishing the pockets of his
creditors with his prCmissOry notes, of
aph, Miss Arabella Simpkins opened
her beautiful mouth, lit was like the
entrance to the Mammoth Cave) and
an ocean of divine melody gushed forth
that came very near drowning the
whole audience. OF how little Miss
Snook's sang the Conquered Banner"
to the tune yankee Doodle" and
caused several of the audience to bust
into the hriniest kind of tears, &c.
All this did and more tool have
written marriage notices of every clOd-
hopper III the County, until / have
learned to love every bachelor in Anne
RIGA. l have written touching Obitu-
aries of all the babies in JimtOwn
whose parents had the good fortune to
lose them, until have begun to think
that instead of Death loving a shining
mark he is now partial to a running
nose. l have apOlOgised some five
hundred times for things I have new
er dOne-have submitted without muir
mur to be appointed Secretary of every
confOunded fool gathering or meeting
held in Jimtown since l have claimed
it as my residence; have written about
picnics and sylvan shades until / wish
the sylvan shades were thick enough
and heavy enough to bury all the pic
MICS in chriStendOm. 1 have attended
concerts until I have learned to wOr-
ship as the dispensers OF divinest melO-
dy, battalion of cats who nightly ex-
ercise their silvery voices beneath my
window. I have attended school ex-
aminations and witnessed the ass
tonishing proficiency of little tow
beaded boys and girls who didn't know
the alphabet from lot of crow tracks
until have acquired morbid distatC
to everything that emanates from {
schoOI-house, even down to the stu
dents thereof I am sick editing {
| country paper. Does some impecuni
Gus "cuss" in your neighboThOOC
want my place? "Some youth to for
| tune and to fame unknown" is pre-
ferred, for any man Of reputation would