The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1870-03-04
Iowa PLAIN DEALER.
Late habits-Night-gow


sf business.
The icebergs Of Alaska are now in
full bloom.
The modern key to Wealth. burg
lars jimmy.
The livelicst branch Of trade is |
the free lunch business.
Love may be considered deformea
when it is all on one side. -
The latest name for drunkenness
il "alchoholic sprightliness. /
A good moto for hotel servants is
''!carn to labor and to watt
What should a clergyman preach
shout? About fifteen minutes.
A man who owes for shoes cannot
say that his sole is his own.
In a Connecticut town a hcarse is
used to carry milk instead Of bier.
When the doctor orders = dose Of
bark has the patient right to growl?
The men Of Vicksburg have a play.
full way Of smashing plug hats with
clubs. I'll. -
The Woman question now = days is
Where did you buy your back hair?"
Never promise your family physic-
ian = legacy. Such step is very
imprudeut.
Oshkosh, Wis, is said to be over
run with GEOGRAPHICALLY faro and
draw poker.
Young gentlemen who arc fascinat-
cd BY the .'curl Of the period" arc
styled switch tenders.
President Grants administration
il like III antiquatcd frying pan, be.
cause it y. SO tull Of Dents.
Died from tho effects of mixed
oollatersls." is the way they get at
aelsfinm trsmens in Cheyenne. @
A schoolboy's jest-Ono swallow
docs not make summer; but q
crooked pin often makes spring.
/ "A dog is longer in the morning
than At night, because be is taken
IL Ct night and Yet out il the morn
A tantalizing old fellow in Nash
vile has left six widows $1,000. up
on condition that they shall never
marry.
A minister at donation party 70.
csiyed rs gift. 1.-TWO pints Of skim
med milk" but failed to see the
ereau.of the joke.
1t 10 dne thing to hunt grizzly
bear but when he turns round and
hunts you circumstances are altered
decidedly.
Fortune it is said knocks once at
every man : door. but If the old jade
ever knocked at our door wo must
have been ont.
Wiz is peddlsd ON the Missouri
railroads 1t thirtv cents = bottle
twenty-five cents for the bottle and
fire cents for the wine.
!. ACalifornia paper chronicles as
the only noticeable movement in real
estate during the week, tho blowing
down Of barn. 1>s@TE>
Hard time" balls are fasbiona.
bio out in Ohio. The invitations
are printed on brown paper, and evc-
rybody wears his or her old clothes.
1 s.'Hic!" calculated tipsy husband
as be tumbled up stairs. "Jacet,"
answered his wife completing the
quotation as he fell Gu the landing.
New York rejoices in Young
American sword-swallower and stone
eater" His ordinary diet 10 hash
taken from = macadamized road.
!. A man. in Illinois cured = sore
throat by banging himself with q
rope. They say that rope properly
adjusted can Ls relied on for that
purpose. -s-
There arc few sights more pathetic
and sublime than to see poor, yir.
tuous young man. full Of Christian
fortitudc, struggling to grow nous
cache.
A disguised woman in Iowa sued
for divorce because her husband
had given her, during four years Of
married life, only one present. GO.
ral necklace.
Two Savannah doctors making ar
rangements for duel agreed that the
one who hurt the other, should cure
hin for nothing Nothing like keep
ing trade in the family.
In Massac husctt., some Of the
railway trains run SO slow that they
haveto detach the cow-catchcr from
The engine aud put it ON tho rear car
to keep tue COWS from running over
it
Almost every working man likes
shutting up time, but lazy fellow
lying on the grass. went still further
when be exclaimed: .Oh! how do
wish that this was called work and
well paid for
Or tho csuntsrfsit Eve cent niekels
: the matto In God We trust" is
larger than in the genuine. Can this
b. bscsuse the counterfeiters have
greater trust in God than tho Gov