, 1870-05-28
TIT.HITS..

TIT-HlTSss
A. e1etanSe Wishing 70 avoid slang, DELI
case!y Ao1ses lls belliEsrent na,ghbor to Ii inn
itAte tne example OF tho rivulss in time OF .
Tho answer lately girsn in \ Franch oorrt
by prisoner accused Of almost cntinr Ina
wite to pieces. was, with a smile. .sWaI Mon
sieu1 President, you know every ono hss his
Little falling"
An EXCELLENT old deacon, who. hs,;n. ,o,
Z inc turkey At charity rattle, didn't Ges -
tell his severely orthodox wife bow he catne bv
it, Quietly remarked, - he handed her the fowl
thas the ~ Shakers" gave it to him
"A poet wrote Of hia departed love, Tvs
viii h.llow her grave with our tears" but the
wicked printer Set it up, - We Will hzrzoW her
erase with our steera-"
"A certain town near Providence has N eI-
ceed1nglv considerste mAn- The other morn
ing he A*oke to find his house On fire. PNaal-
" dressing himself he ran across tie street,
tSnnidly rung his neighbor's doo1-bell, md
patiently vasted for some one to aasver Tho
summons After little s. the man OF the
house Appeared, and the dmid man said, i" I
do not viAh to creata Al unnecessary ala<m.
but my h0uee Ia on Ire
An advertisement Was sd0t 70 the Gevs-
land HsraM Office on Sunday night in which
occurred the words, The Christians Dream:
| No Cross. No Crown" The printer male il
read. "The Chriztian's Dream, No Co'es, No
| Creamr'
! The Boston Post wants to know II the new
| London pIAy Of "Clan" ia brought ont in this
country, whether the general utility man will
be known "a 'ClAn sups2"
! -Dr. Hall Gays sponge beds are healthy. We
know man who has spouged beds, md even
sponged his meals, for five years, and he isn't
20 very healthy-e4cept 1t msal.timae-
"a man was tried for stealing \ pair Of
boots frotn shop door in Grand street, with
| vhiAh he ran away. The Judge said TO the
witness who hAd seized the prisoner. :" Hhat
| did he say when you csnSht himl' Witness-
Your Honor, he said he took the boots IN
| joke Judge How far did he esrsy the
| jo1e7r Wifneaa-"About forty yAras, please
your Honor"
| Garden Of Eden.
| who ia the strlghteat man mentioned in
the Bible? Joseph, because Pharaoh made
| Letters, ike fashionable young lAdiea.
must have the stamps before the mails (ns4es)
w. W-sydney smith used to object to written
| sermons on the ground that indignation awsak
| old had no effect: -.
IN axe to one Of bis subscribers, The borrower
| nnfortunataly broke the handle On return
inv Il. the man sad, "Yo1 can easily get
it a1ed." "Yes, - replied tho editor, lint
that will cost 1t least = quarter Of dollar;
"Mel," re{oned the % Re1rp"e5, "a 70 you a1nI nnt
ter, but III thank you to stop my paper st
0nca."
"A paper giyes the following reply to cor
i respondent: s.TherR ia no slated <nla 1os
wiring love letters. Iou Rhouh write Q9
foolscap paper, and bear on as soft ~ you can,
using words Of e1tn burning lore thst they
will sizz1e on the point Of the pen. It is also
advisable to sling in bunch d pathos oeea-
sional1y, such "a Dearest Augustus, love
you with : love larger than IN elephants;
think Of you every day, and by and by, when
I The days grow longer, shal think Of you
i iw;ce day It ia also well enough to put IN
| ink-blot in the corner, with the observation,
| in this vicinity"
"A lovely girl in Wisconsin recovered $40
damages in breach Of promise suit against
perfd,ous lover. Her lawyer congratulated
her on the amount. when ahs exclaimed, with
feEccious glance at the mu1cted defendant,
and neIvously clutching her fingers, sra g,yo
every penny Of it Just to have one good pull at
| his hair-"
At q Sunday School in Ripon teacher
asked . little boy il he knew what the e1pres-
| sion "sowing tsres" meant 'tCourth I
does," said be. pulling the seat Of his little
breecEos around in fronts - Theze's q tear my
AT recent examination Of an infant
school, after questions bad been put about
| the R's and the proficiency OF the Juveniles
had been creditably established, the toachar
| addressed one little class with the inquiry,
"What are COWS good for?" A little hand VIA
was ready, which was to the effect that cows
were good for milk. Another answer wAs
that cows were good to eat After noment's
pause small hand went up with tremend-
Gus energy. " We'll, johnny, what Is it ?"
NTheir ehtomacth arc good for tripe," shout
ed the young sasant.
| "A citizen Of Massachnsetts, learning,
during : temporary absence from home, that
| somewhat prominent but unpopular fellow
townsmAn had been struck with paralysis, did
not seem very sad at the intelligence. Why,
sid H. nfpssp for 4sp a i !, bo.er b In
rothng!"
Sin continues to pervade certain parts Of
Iowa, though vigorous efforts are made to ex-
tirpate it. 4 praiseworthy effort IN that direc-
ton was made recently N one of the enter.
banker, noted for e1acting more than legal
Hnsance" on loans, Was active at revival,
and, while wrestling in prayer, besought the
Lord to humble the rebellious spirit Of sin
ne!s, th.t they night t.ae n!ets N ,nrs's IN
1esl estate 'collats.'" Everybody in meetin'
seemed to know what was meAnt
AT Columbus. o., lives q Mr. Il: who hss
| q reputation for the 'f gift Of prayer" During
a revival in the church to which be belongs ha
denly reco1leeted that At that ho~- =. ,.,,o,k1
nTaH nS nsa P5o@lAeo 70 --ery couple Two squares
s"'s 10 ventursd to leAye the church, see-
"Wrestle," and actually vent two equaEea, mar
hesr sa 9;1 B1otHeE tSeP:a Il az firally, 1op.:
"A gang Of labore1s on the strike in Eng
| land have painted On their banners: "a Little
earning is dangerous thing"
Who can but admire the stoicism Of
| Devonshire mAn, who, when on his death-bed,
have the funeral procession start early, so that
tEey might be sure and get home by milking
time.
"A doctor boasting at dinner that he cured
| lis own hama, one Of his guests remarked
well, Doc, would sooner be your h&m
than your patient
| "A New Albany, Ind, man atood by wh1la
m exciting fight was going on between two
women, every now and then e1claiminE:
| Lick her, Betsy, lick her, you're my wife
and il you don't Lick her, I'll Lick you" Betsy
obeyed her lord
E"Tm afraid you don't like babies when they
| cry" said = mat1on to a gentleman, as she
tried to soothe the darling IN her arms- "Oh,
| yes" said he, II Like them best when they
| c1y, becsuse I've Mways observed that then
| they are invariably carried ont OF the ROOM
| -Josh Billings says that "the lion aud tho
.amb may possibly sumtime lay down in this
world together for fu minutes, bnt when the
lion comes to sit up, the Limb will be miss
ing"
Il pioualy inclined person was e1hortins
Pat on fhq subject Of religion He Indignantly
answered. "SQ1e and didn't ;:..a ;:.e .,,s ,fatb-
| odists? Fai1 an ldid. lined Tor six n,oaths.
and behaved go well they let me Of With
tt1ce!"
Tho Danbu1y Te1rs says thore Is nothing
| 20 calculated to cal ont the deep earnestnesa
| OF = true woman, and enlist her moat faithful
devotion, As doing up her back hair.
"A plous but injudicious individual with
Get OF stencil Pss:ss a77ees aa7e.es Saturday nights,
l IN Waterbury, Connecticut, to poatiug Eo -
| tural questions On tho dead walls. Working
in the dark, he chooses como queer places. t
| is apt to destroy the intended effect, SAYS
saved 7" 1y Dr.. spnguos Female Strength
x servant girl who wss sent day or two
ago to druggist In New York, with request
that be would give her son,e castor-oil, !" dis
guisea .a much y possible" was asked BY the
in the Affirmative The druggist thereupou
| gave her glass strongly favored with lemon,
with much oil cast upon the troubled water
Noticing that she fingered after receiving this.
Tue dluEE1st An4uHea IAe crl5e. ana NA8 tol0
that ahe Was waiting for the oil. "Oh,r re-
Piled the man Of drugs complscently, "you
hare taken that" The startled woman gazed
1t him in dianay moment, and then Tex
aaa slsnsd s 1er, ro6, H. ussfl wanted it far ao
A country journal aays: '.When you see
little boy sitting On the earth picking alivaz3
ont OF his heels, you may know that the ftoee
is out Of the gruund.n
-"I esy, ms" exclaimed little mink of
thirteen, ''do you kuo. what the pyroteshni-