Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes Co., O. [Ohio]) 1870-1895, 1870-12-01
Brevities.

Resolred-That the dog is a biped
when his tail curls so tight that he
lifts his hind legs off the ground"
A colored doctress, in st. Louis
gave a patient a prescription with
101 ingredients. The funeral was
held as soon as the shroud could be
made.
A lady in Jasper County, Ind,
aged seventy-five, wants a divorce
from her husband, aged seventy
eight, because he spends half the
time running about with the girls.
A person in prison was asked by
a friend what it was for. aFor tell
ing lies" he replied. Telling lies
how is thatg" demanded the other.
why, telling people 1 would pay
'em, and not keeping my word"
A good sort of man was recently
asked to subscribe for a chandelier
for the church. "Now," said he,
whats the use of chandelier?
After you get it, you can't get any
one to play on it.
A New York politician writing a
letter of coincidence to the widow
!, of country member" who had
been his friend says: Il am panied
to hear that-has gone to heaven.
We were bosom friends, but now We
shall never meet again"
| A dairyman was awakened by
wag, in the night, with the announce
ment that his best COW was choking.
He forthwith jumped up to save the
life of Brummie, when 10, he found
a turnip sticking in the mouth of the
lpump.
Good morning, Mr.. Henpeck,
said a printer, in search of female
compositors. ''Have you any daught-
ers who would make good type set
ters?" NO; but l have wife who
would make a fine devil"
''The man who has raised n cab
bage-head, has done more good than
all the metaphysieiaps in the world"
said a stump orator at a mccting.-
"Then," said wag, your mother
ought to have had the premium"
There is little boy in TT. Wayne
who has passion for tasting every
thing in liquid form that he can get
his hands on. Lately he tried ten
cents worth of laudanum, and had
a narrow escape. One of these days
he will get hold of some Ft. Wayne
whisky, when he will cease to trouble
his parents.
One day lately, the boys of Sa-
vannah, Ga, killed about a barrel of
rats in the old market-house, and put
them in a pile of exhibition, upon
observing which negro exclaimed:
Yaw, yaw, de price of sassage big
ed to come down now"
A New England spinster, who
went out to Nevada about a year
ago, writes home that she has al
ready husband and pair of twins,
and hasn't really got acquainted
yet"
A fashionable young lady was
frightened almost out of her wits,
few mornings since, OF discovering
snugly ensconced in her chignon an
innocent little mouse, which had
crawled into and made bed of that
feminine adornment while its owner
slept.
A country fellow went courting
his girl, and wishing to be CONVEX
satiOnal, observed:
''The themonkron is twenty de-
grees below zelen this evening"
"Yes, innocently replied the
maiden, ''such kinds of birds do fly
higher some seasons of the year
than Others"
A woman travelling on the cars
saw man in front of her put his
head ont of the window. and asked
him if he wouldn't keep his head in,
as she had new silk dress on, and
she didn't want it all spattered over
with brains and such stuff.
A wild romance in a st. Louis pa
per comes to this sad conclusion:
'At noon she was dying, when the
door bell was savagely rung. the ser
want hurried up, three steps at 4
time, entered the room without ask
ing permission, and dropping ex-
hausted in front of her bed, handed
her sealed tin box. The mother
rapidly opened it; it was the CHG
non. She took it in her pale hand;
a curl of her light brown hair-the
same of which part was cut and
sent to New York as sample to
match the color of the ehignon-
hung over her shoulder; she hung
the ehignon near the curl, and whis-
pered, lit is exactly the shade" and
then she dropped it and was dead.
why do you oppose giving the
ballot to woman:" asked lady the
other evening. of a confirmed bach
elor. Excuse me, madam, replied
he, ''but l have not sufficient conf
ience in their capacity to conduct
government affairs" What evi-
lence of their mental inferiority to
can you advanced" queried
The lady. "a simple fact is enough
to satisfy my mind" retorted the
bachelor, land that is the frightfal
way in which they do up their back
lair."
A good story is told of 4 rather
'erdant agricultural laborer, who
having by hook and by crook scrap
ID together fifty dollars, took it to
his employer with a request to take
,harge of it for him. a year after
he laborer went to another friend to
know what would be the interest ON
t. He was told three dollars.
Well" said he, Il wish You would
end me three dollars for day or
7wo. My boss has been. keeping
ifty dollars for me for n year, and
want to pay him the interest for it"
An Irishman who had only ten
'ents, was undecided as to whether
lie would spend it for whisky or =
oafof bread. He finally concluded
o 'toss up penny"
l. L.