The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1870-05-06
.g.Et MINORS eHsIHE BAE.s .sss
LIeHr 'riMBER--Sunbealns.

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LIGHT ffMBER--Sunbealns.
A Coon, SIDE SHOW "A pretty
check.
How inany Achers constitute stlita-
bio grounds ofcomplaint p al I ]
Some groccrs show their grit by
sanding their sugar. ~
"Can you return my love, my dear
est Julia p Certainly, sir: l do not
want it, am sure
" Hurry, mamma SAL little in
nocent, with his cut finger, +" hurry,
Its leaking
Many men.a.o6risl, q Wicked con-
tempt for cold wate:. They hate the
bucket, and consequently soon kick 1T.
| A Jerscyman, i'm reply to the charge
that women can do no fighting iq
time of war. says his wife docs nc TN
ing else.
A histrionic party, who had heard
g good deal about the .'tiicatre of
war," suggests That the back seats
must be very desirable.
A msn may be ever so poor, he may
be ever SO unfortunate, but he need
never be hard up for candles SO lond
as he makes light of his suf1erings.
The Detroit Free Press finds ano-
thcr argument against hard work in
tine fact that. a man recently died
within five minutes after splitting
some wood. T5F4f IttfF
A tradcsman objected the other day
10 receive from one of his customers
a note at 80 days, on the ground that
he might die before that time. "Die.s
exclaimed the customer, ''whe ever
heard of a man dying within thirty
DAYS"
The following advice is from New
burg paper: Press on, Young man,
though you be poor. We knew
youth who, with only his two hands
and crowbar, opened sjewelry store,
and now he is living in fine stone
residence in Sing Sing.
a smart old lady, being called into
court as witness, grew impatient at
the questions put to her. and told the
Judge that she would quit the stand,
for he was "raly one of the most in
quisitivc old gentlemen she ever did
Sec"
The story of Il man who had nose
20 large that he couldn't blow it with
out the use OF gunpowder, is said to
be Il hoax. ,..tt,.,..,,..
If a gentleman marries, the lady
must be won before she is married.
afterwards they are both one.
"Look here, boy said nervous
old gentleman TO an urchin who was
munclIing sugar-candy at a lecture.
"you are annoying me very much"
9 No amt replied the urclih, Pm,
a-gnawIng this candySl gia 'I 4
a little hoy, on returning from Sum
day School, said to his mother: "This
catechism is too hard. Isn't there any
kittychisnis for little boys?" .
a gentleman asked IL negro boy to
take a pinch of snuff. NO" replied
the 10y, respectfully, me tank you,
Pomp's nose not hungry hs
a medical student says he has never
been able to discover the bone of con-
tention, and wants to know il it is not
situated near the jar bone.
Husband" IL [ were to loose you,
l would never be such fool as to
marry again" Wifc-"If l were to-
lose you, ] would marry again direct
~" Husband" My death would be
regretted by at least one person"
Wifc-~By whom ? pusbaud-"Myl
successor ....--
The Danbury, Conn, Ncws, ola re-
cent date, says: =" Sunday being
balmy day, the STYLES were brought
but. The most richly dressed lady
we saw is the wife of man who has
owed this Office SI3 for nearly three
years. He says he cannot raise the
money, and We believe him."
Cavcndish, the philosopher invari-
ably had Il leg of mutton for his soli-
tary dinner. On one occasion he all
nounccd to his servant that six gen.
tlemcn were TO dine with him on that
day. "What am to give them for
dinner" calculated the factotlnm, in
dismay: one leg of mutton wont do
for six gentlemen" "Thcn give them
six legs of mutton." was the philo-
sophical reply.
\ chicago editor says that at his
BARRIERS yesterday morning, there was
an old chap with head as smooth rs
Il billiard ball. . L say now, barber"
snarled he, part my hair evenly"
There isn't much left 10 part" said
the man oflathcr. You have always
said that, and yet you have finished
by parting 1t somehow, and dare
cay Won c,n now" NO use to try,
sir; but can tell YOU what I'll do
I'll make line with piece of red
chalk" utEa