The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1870-08-11
THE JOSH BILLINGS, PAPERS.
TIE MONKEY.

The monkey IL human being, little
underslSed, kivvered with hair, hitched to
tail, and filled with the devil.
Naturalists will tell you, if you ask
them, that am mistaken, that | mean
well enutf, and don't mean few deceive
onnybody, but the monkey IL not human
being, he II simply pun on humanity,
kind of malishus joke of Jupiter's, libel
with long tail few it, MYSTERIOUS mix
tur of ludIkrous mischief and stale humUr,
kind OF pacing hobbyhoss, or connecting
gang plank between man in his dignity
and the beast in his darkness.
haV hi opinion ov the naturalist,
and all kinds ov the dictionary fraternity,
and touch mi hat tew them, when we
meet, and respekt them for what they
know, but don't worship them for what
they don't know, as the heathens do their
wooden gods
don't kare what the philosophers say
they kan prove in this matter, tell you
confdenshally, mi kristian friend, that yu
and the monkey are relashuns.
| don't pretend few say that you are
brothers and sisters, but do pretend tew
state, that monkeys, or emmy other kind
ov critters, who exercise reason, even if
the light ov it is az dim az a number six
dip candle in the ray ov the MONDAY sun,
are our relashuns for certain amount.
The only fence between the animal and
bruit folks, IL instinct aud reason, and if
the naturalist kant prove that the monkey
don't show single elimmering ov reason,
say ne must step oph from the monkeys
tail, and let him eat at the fust table.
The monkey is initiative tew the high
est degree, and imitashun is a direckt
transsression ov the law ov instinkt, and
is falIow ground within the domain of
reason.
Insiinkt don't step one single step aside,
tew smell Of a flower OF pull cats tail
But argument amt mi fghtin weight,
git along the best by asserting things az
they strike me, and say upwards ov four
thousand things every year, that kant
prove, emmy more than 1 kan prove what
melody IL,
The naturalisis may have their own
way, but they kant have mine, what
little know about these things has bin
whispered TO me by the spirits, or some
other rompinS critters, and IL as diStinkt
and butiful, sumiimes tew me, as a dream
on an empty stnmmack it may be all
wrong but it never IL icious, and thus
konklude it IL edukashun.
Now don't advise ennybo else tew
depend for their learning upou sch pre-
karious school masters, the best way IL TO
follow the ruts, it will take you to town
just as it did yure daddy.
The route that travel is cirkuitons and
blind sometimes, it has now and then
vista, or landscape in it, that iz worth
tew rue, more than farm of tillable land,
but you kant raise good white beens on
Landscape.
Whenever drop mi subject, and begin
to strut in the suburbs of sentimebtility
and proverbial pomposity, i alwus think
ov gobble turkey, in a barn-yard, on
dress parade, and that is Just what am
thinking ov now, and therefore will dis.
mount from the turkey, and git aboard
the monkey, 0he monkey az he ann once
more.
Pure deviltry is the monkeys rite bower:
he IL only valuable, (aD personal proper>
ty) tew look at, and wonder what he il
going to do next.
He IL jack at all trades, put him in
a barber shop, he viii lalher, and try tew
shave himself, and color his mustash. uu,
him in dri good store, and he will hans
die more goods than the best retail clerk
in a, t, Stewards employ.
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