Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1870-05-11


An Irishman, writing from the
West to a friend remarked Pork is
so plenty here that every man you
meet is a hog"
a young lady being asked by a rich
old bachelor, "If not yourself who
would you rather be ?" replied sweet
" and mOdestly, Yours truly"
The peculiar expression of George
Washington's mouth, as represented
on the new postage stamps, is only to
be accounted for by the fact that the
gum is placed onthe back of the head.
1t is not fashionable for gentlemen
to send large baskets of flowers to
their lady-lOvers, but very small wick
er baskets, with delicate handles,
filled with the choicest cut flowers,
are considered the correct things.
PoIiteness almost invariably re-
quires a gentleman to agree with a Ia
dy, but when she speaks OF the great
beauty of some other lady il is always
safe for the gentleman to say there are
other styles of female loneliness that
he admires much more.
An inebriate man in Lawrence,
Kansas, was found clinging to a fence,
looking h~elplessly at a neighboring
row of shade trees. "HaIloa,u said a
friend who came up what's the mat
ter jake" Dunno, hic," respond
Jacob, THAT id PROFESSIONS never
goin' to git past"
The following dispatch recently
passed through a telegraph office: 81
lent you one year ago tonight four
dollars and eighty-seven cents. If
you have not had it long enough,
please keep enc year longer.n To
this delicate hint this answer was re-
turned: Had forgotten it and hoped
you had. Let her run another year"
An urchin of six or seven e a
went into a barber shop in Racine,
Wisconsin, and ordered the barber to
cut his hair as close as shears would
do it. He was asked if his mother
ordered it that way. "No" said he,
" but school commences next week,
and we've got a school-marm that
pulls hair, and Pm bound to fix her
this term, you bet"
AT almost every step IN life, we
meet with young men from whom
we anticipate wonderful things, but
of whom, after careful inquiry, we
never hear another word. The effer-
vescence of youth and passion, and
the fresh gloss of intellect and imag-
ination, endow them with a false
brilliancy. which make fools of them
selves and other people. Like GER
tain chintZes, c~alieoes, and ginghams,
they show finely on there first new
ness, but cannot stand the sun and
the rain, and assume a very sober as
pect after washing day.
A New Orleans reporter was being
shown through the insane asylum the
other day, when he encountered a
very pretty ~blue-eyed damsel, who at
once rushed into his arms with the
exclamation! Ion! my dear hus-
bandT" The reporter wished to soothe
the agitated feelings of the little unfor-
tunate, and stroked her hair caress-
ingly as he replied: Why my little
dear, did you think 1 would stay
away from you ?" mo" she inno-
Gently replied, "you always liked to
kiss me-" "But you know you are
insane, my DEAR" he said. YES"
she replied YEARLY, " that's the rea-
son 1 kiss you"
At a printers festival, in Minneso-
ia, Judge Goodrich made a speech, in
which he referred the invention of
printing to a higher antiquity than is
usually ascribed to it. He undertook
to prove that the patriarch Job knew
all about it, by quoting from the fol-
lowing passage: "Oh that my words
were now written Oh that they
were printed in a book! That they
were craven with an iron pen and
lead in the rock forever!n The Judge
considered this undoubted evidence
that Job understood the art of writing,
engraving, stereotyping, and litho-
graphing. He mentions them in their
regular order, as they have been dis
covered. This is probably the origin
of the term " Job Printing RI