The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1870-01-09
WIT AND WISDOM.

VIA AND MlbDOM .-----,,-----
Ocular NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Great "shoo" makers-Cattle-dr drivers
The greatest army contractor-Peace.
A water-spout-a temperance grafton.
A Rfixea-HP affaiF-boarding- house hash
Which is the best place for nothingf In the
eye.
Motto for old bachelor-Be just and fear
knot.
Fond of catching " fles"-- Base -ballists and
spiders.
At what time was Adam married. ITpop
his wedding Eve.
"1f you beat me, I'll call out the soldiers .
as the drum said.
The only organ without stops-The organ of
speech in woman.
A iodging-homse of which no one ever COM
What flower would furnish drawing room
bestR Rose would
The child who cried for an hour one day last
week, didu'J get it.
Life is corduroy road-the faster you go
the more you are jolted
The young lady who .'took eyerybody's eye.n
has been arrested for stealing
who took things. as they came en-
ployed q large team to carry them home.
When the value of joke depends entirely
on the sound, it is perhaps as well not to crack
it.
q wager
as bad as one who doesH Because he's no bet
ter.
If brevity is the soul of wit, what a vast
amount of fun is in the tail of fashionable
coat.
Lottie," said little visitor. "wbat makes
your kitty so cross ?" "Oh, cause she's cutting
teeth, spect."
"Do you see anything ridiculous in my wig ?"
inquired a judge of Curran. Nothing but
the head" was the reply.
ITs hot o1o
tleman of small boy. "Right over there ~
said the boy; faint nowhere else"
"Poor Lucinda took that circumstance very
much to heart. -" Did she7' exclaimed Nib
bles; dear girl! l wish 1 was that circum- |
stance"
story is told of n Young man who was |
|going West TO open a jewelry store, and was |
asked what capital he had. He replied, 80 A.
|crowbar."
sentimental gentleman intends to petit;op
-nnsrnSs- To improve the channel of affection,
so that hereafter the 81 course of true love may
run smooth"
mo man in the nation is more indebted to
| he people than | am" said an oflice-holder,
Il Indeed, sir; how much of their money have
you taken"
A footman, proud of his grammar. ,ushercd
mt" the drawing-room Mr.. Foote and his two
daughters with this introduction, g Mr.. Foote
and the two Misses Feet
Western orator, speaking of the battle of
Bull Run, said THE Federals ran so fast chat
/ he hard tack ratified in their stomachs like
beans III Il sheet-irun pam"
Lord Chatham asked Heuniker to define wit
/ Wit replied the wag, !" is like pension be-
|towed by Your lordship upon your humble =
|ervant-n good thing well applied.p -
Pd'ra sei"ti''a m0g"mm ieaseaa iecitc1," said
gag, pointing to a small Hiait4vfIo was court ;
ing large woman. He Said, in plain English.
a little spark kindlcsa great flame"
" Have Nnu~scen my descent into hell ?" in {
tired an author, great bore who had writ '
zen Il book with n fiery title. mo" replied l
lnngells i,.rrnld, hut j should like tor = l
4 lecturer in New York recently stated that !
|li of the churches in that city, "piled into q
ne heap would not equal in size the present :
iced Babel in confusion, however.
Truth is stranger than fiction A ren+Ieron
+ our neighborhOod, astonshrd at the back
ardness OF his potato crop, had the ground
Eamined by n most experienced iudTe II
las discovered that the potatoes were short II
GIFTED, and couldn't see their way through o
be soil. -
New York philanthropist, visiting the -,
tate prison, remarked to a prisoner "Aiost of -
our friends think your sentence was excess IL
re-. Nothing like it ever known" Eyes, ii
suppose So was the prisoners reply; "but =,
ben, you know, everything has gone up since ~
be war" Y
An Irish gentleman, well known in sporting
|icIes for his wit, was accosted by friend TO
/ th, Upon my word, b, you are riding tn
pod horse" And why should 1 not ride to
pod horse ~ We'll" rejoined his friend "but III
iii he jump timber7n :. Timber ~ replied the pc
her. Faith, he'll leapFover your head :" so
+ Define the difference IN nearing between Sc
W said scbnnImopty anu 't Pnlloso- ju
the most forward of his pupils Why. e
replied the boy, experimental philosophy tI
our asking yonNo give us half holiday, and s en-
tural philosophy is your saying, Don't you o op
|sh you may get it," Gu Gu
The celebrated DIR. Barnes, being inclined to gu
|eeP during dull sermon, friend who was tn
Ih nun JOked him on having nodded now ha
p then: Barnes insisted that he had been an
Eake all the time. " Well, then" said his SCI
lend, can you tell me what the sermon was on
|oub = les, cam he answered, g it was ma
|ouI an hour too long" ma
"A Methodist parsou named Krubcr haviDo we
Dated a great sensation -eountFy-towtf:-l -
1 next morning as he was LEAVING thc i'm
|ce he rode by where several nrecHcious sw
rs were fishing. Kruber ipuuired Whit tbay are