The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1870-09-30
THE JOSH Killings PAPERS.
Long Branch in Slices.

4 Long Branch in Slices.
D Long Branch IL the eastern terminus O,
5 sum real estate on the west side ov th,
Atantik Oshun, and IL lokatid Gloss dow
TO the edge ov the water.
, The populashun IL homo genus, woman
/ genus, girl and boy genus, yung one genus
and divers other kind Ov genus.
The divers genus are sum plenty. They
30 into the Atlantik Oshun, hand in hand
man and wife, phellow and gall, stranger
and straugeresses, drest in flowing robes
aad cum out by and by like statuary i'll {
lille fit.
TIE Ajlantik Oshun IL q CRATE success
The author and proprietor Ov it nevel
makes emmy blunders.
Thare IL CRATE deal ov morality here
lat Long Branch. Thare is sum isolated
cases oY iniquity, and q clever sprinkIinp
ov innocent deyiltry.
/ am pleased to state that the ;Iligmtu il
principally In fust hands, and finds but few
takers.
The iuid of tho Atlaptik OsHun IL i.tt,
and baz blu SO for more than 800 years tu
my knowledge. / state this as a stubborn
fakt, and the coolest inhdbitdnt" may help
himself If he can.
The Ockashun of this psaltness has both
cred the clergy for years. Sum ov them
say that large humps Ofpsalt WIS deposit
ed IN the oshUD. at an early day, bi tie in
rjuns, for safe keeping, and some say that
| the great number ov kodfish and number
? makrel that travel its waters haz favored
| The oShun.
L endorse the kodfsh and makreI Job,
not bekaUze ] think 1t IL true, but be-
! kaUze L think it il the weakest and have
Il.
the weak and oppressed.
Fllrtashuns are thick mere, but Drinci-
pally occur amung thoze who have wore the
,njugal yoke until their necks hav begun
20 git CALLED.
Theze limitations are looked upon az en-
t.rely innocent, and are called recruiting.
They are konsideTed by sum (who call
iemsolves Judges more braceiHq than sea-
iring.
MIlliOnaIres are numerous, besides others
who pus ON a millyun oy airs more or less.
Now and then yu will see forrin snob
just over FROM the other side Oy the Allan
uk Oshun. They wear long sbirt-oollars,
turn down, and short noses turned up.
Toe landlord tells me they haY all paid
tier bills thus far, and he seZ, the lasl
thing be duz Mt mite, before he goes tew
sleep. IL to pray that they will kontinue on
to do so.
The prayers ov the right. GUS are sed tew
he heavy, and weigh well, and the land
lord being ov righteous turn ov mind,
think he will win.
The Continental Hotel IL the principal
one here, and IL infested, Just now, by
eight hundred aud fifty innocent creatures,
who eat meals per day.
The female portion ov these dear inno-
cent creatures, rool up their sleeves, and
90 down once day, TO the keel Ov their
trunk, and drag out bi the nap Ov the mex
sum clothes, that would make the Queen
oV Sheeba sorry that she hadn't postponed
living until Long Branch had bin invented,
SO that she could have got the style.
l advise all oV mi friends TO come to the
Continental Hotel, and bring their best
clothes with them.
Long Branch hez menBy things to inter
est the scholar, and the philanthrOpist,
among which IL the race-course, just bilt.
attended this racc-course lately, and
SAW some very good rotary movements on
it.
] didn't bet, bekause hav alwus been
pricipled aginst lOsening emmy money.
l think / could win emmy quantity ov
money, and spile mi morality, but the loss
repair for ages.
Long Branch is also the home ov the
miscellaneous crab, and the world-re-
nowned musketo.
The crab is kaught in endless confusion
at Plezzure Bay cluss hi Long Branch.
He IL kaught bi tieing hard knot on the
other end ova string, and then dropping
the string down in the water, and tickling
the bottom of his feet with the knot, in this
way, sumtimes he is kaught, and sumtines
he is not
The musketo liz az natral to M Jersee az
Jersee litening is.
The musketO Is marvellous kuSs, but viii
he ever wuz allowed tew take out hiz
papers, and travel, IL unknown tew me, OF
emmy Ov my near relations.
II he haz emmy destiny to fill, il must be
his stummuk, for he is The biggest bore,
ackording tew the size ov hiz gimlet, hav
ever met seldom. 1t don't look well for
philosopher tew be iracktious at epnythiDg,
not even bug, but if enuy boldly ever
hears me swear (out loud) he may know
thare has bin q kussid musketeer on mi
premises.
l cum tew Long Branch Tin company
with mi wiie) at the opening ov the season,
and put up at the Continental Hotel, and
intend now TO keep putting up thare until
che house shuts up, ii l hav tew klimb the
lag staff 10 do it.
Every boldly who pats up at this hotel
IL allowed tew put up regular, once
week, for hiz board, and promiskuss
things.
This IL blessed privilege, which sum
folks kant never enjoy, until they are de-
prived ov 1t.
1t will then be forever too late.
/ am one ov them cunning kri.ters, who,
VIXEN they find good hotel, 225 pound
landlord, and polite officials, dwell with
them heavily
hev sed before lin writing about ho-
tels) that almost emmy boldly thinks they
know how tew keep a hotel (and they do
kl1Otn hOp), but this ackounts for the CRATE
number Ov kussid poor hotels all over the
country.