Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-04-29

el-Thc mirror.
The moaning of the tied-A husbands
grumbling.
An exchange is not far from right in say
mo that sour-faced wife often helps the
liquor trade.
A New York paper speaks Of "a man with
one eye named Robert Welch but does not
tell what his other eye was named.
A dandy inquired at fruit stall ARE
these apples fit for a hog to eat? Try one,
aud see said the woman.
The popular mode of asking one what he
will take to drink, in Vicksburg is, please
nominate your family disturbance.
Grant says he never knew what G. .. D..
meant until that ten dollar dog to him
Collect On Dog
Some married men 60 out like candles,
leaving their wives in the dark--as to whers'
they spend their evenings.
Can you return my love, my dearest Ju-
liza 2 Certainly, sir; do not want 1t, L
am sure.
School marin to little Josie: Where is
the North Pole, Josie ? top of the map,
marin.
SIS that marble? ?" said gentleman,
pointing to bust of Kentnck's great states
man, recently, in New York store. mo
sir; that's Clay" replied the dealer.
An Irishmau that was very near-sig kted,
about to fight duel, insisted that he should
stand six PAGES nearer his antagonist than
the other did to him.
A gentleman finding his whiskey punch a
little too hot, blew with his breath to cool
it. You blow your own horn | see, said
his comrade.
General Butler is wickedly compared to a
BALD headed eagle, for it is said that in every
question where he can't introduce his bill,
he is sure to insert his clause,
II is said that the ivy will not cling to a
poisonous substance. What pity that the
tendrils of woman's heart have not the
same wholesome and salutary instinct
Some men have little coin in their purses
but the deficiency is generally made up BY
the abundance Of brass in their counte-
nances.
My son. said an old lady, 'how must
Jonah have felt when the whale swallowed
him I? "A little down in the mouth | sup
pose was young hepeful's reply,
i am astonished, my dear Miss Rosi, at
your sentiments; you make me start. =
Well, sir, [ have been wishing you would
start FOR the last half hour
Get out Of the way, boy get out of the
way! said gentleman on horseback to
boy in the road My horse don't like DON
keys Then why don't he kick you off,
A village pedagogue, in despair with a
stupid boy, pointed to the letter A. and
asked him if be knew it. Yes, sir We'll,
what is it 2 L know him very well By sight
but can't remember his name
A foppish fellow advised friend not to
marry poor girl, as he would find lnatri-
mony with poverty sup hill work" Good"
said his friend, 1 would rather go up hill
than down hill any time
A negro parson in the West preaching
against the love Of money concluded his
sermon by saying; ''And finally brethren,
YOU can Judge what God thinks of money by
The class of people he gives it too"
Pa said lad to his father, 1 have often
read of people poor but honest; why don't
they sometimes say rich but honest 2 Tut,
tut, my son, nobody would believe them. ;
answered the father.
A Prosperous Revival in Wisconsin
town was demoralized and broken up by the
conversion of two lawyers and one editor
The good people couldn't stand all that at
once.
General Butler threatens that he will
"stir things up in Tennessee" To which
the Louisville Courier Journal responds =
Eyes with one Of Louisiana's silver spoons. f"
That was very unkind remark.
A little boy in Richmond, Virginia, on
being asked by his mother if he would not
like to be an angel and have wings, replied
that he had rather be hawk and live on
chickens.
equity Or not guilty 2" said Judge to a
native of the Emerald Isle.
'Just as yer honor PLACES. It's not the
like cine to dictate to yer honor's worship, u
was the reply
THE fact is, sail an elderly wife, "a
man does not know how to straightcn ur
things He does not know where to corn
menve don't wonder" she remarked in
conclusion, 'f.hat when God made Adam
He went right to work and made woman
to tell him what 10 do
\ young and sprightly widow once au-
peared at masquerade at Bath, England
with paper pinned to her bosom, bearing
the following lines:
s'To be let on lease for the term ofmy life,
I, Sylvia j., in the shape offs wife;
am young though not handsome, good-na-
tured though thin
For further particulars pray inquire within
"John Smith, come up with your lesson.
What does g-l-a IS spellP' We'll, | know
once, but darned if don't forget now
'Pshaw what's in your mothers window
sashes 2 'There is 60 many things. that
blowed if can remember them ALL Let
me see-there's the horse blanket in one
place. brother Jobs hat in another, sister
Patience's bonnet in another, and dads old
breeches in the hole that Zeb and [ made
yesterday Take a run out, Johnny you
may go and play for while
RELIa1ous VIEws OF DUTcu FARMER.
During the time ola great religious ex-
element, an honest Dutch farmer on the
Mohawk was asked his opinions as to which
denomination Of Christians was on the right
way to heaven. "Vell, den," said he.
Evan NO ride orr wheat to Alhanu conn