The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1870-04-22
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HUMOROUS.

ALSO" was a motto of DR.. Whalely's.
Two young men of Shelbvvilie.
Ind, wear eorsets, which a Young
lady of that place says is shameful.
.Of corset is.
"On Treats and Treaties. is sug-
|gested as a suitable title for Reverdv
Johnson's forthcoming account Of
his English experience.
III were punished,
For every pun | she'd
l could not find a puny she'd
To hide my punished head.
A well known contributor to the
press was shocked to find his phrase
"sOft as cider down" converted bv
the printer into ''soft as cider brown"
They had female voters in Shak-
speare's day. Thus:
"And the imperial vot'ress passed on
In maiden meditation, fancy free.
At teachers institute at the East
recently, a lady teacher was given
the word hazardous to spell and de-
fine, and did itin this style: "H-a-z,
haz, ard, ard, hazard, e-double-s, ess
hazardess-a female hazard
"Come here, my dear" said a Young
man to & little girl, to whose sister
ne was paying his addresses: ..you
are the sweetest thing Oh earth"
sNo, l am rot" she replied, artlessly.
SISTER says you are the sweetest.
"And Satan smote Job with boils1
lis now rendered; "And Satan smote
Job with circumscribed subcutan-
eous infammations, characterized by
nointed tullors, ald supperating with
ce al cores
Pauline, that would be synonym of
grace,
Possesses, did you say an angel
face?
One seraph trait in her alone 1 see?
Angels are painted fair and Sd is she.
A rich man died in Maine, recent
Ily, and his last words to his heirs
were: "Plant me as soon as [ am
cold, and don't cart me around for a
side show, Remember Peabody"
He was buried according to his re-
quest.
Mr., Hiram 7. Field, of Paris, Ne.
lost 4 COW a few nights since, and by
Ia post f1Orten examination found
Ipiece of wire about four inches long
inbedded in the heart Of the animal.
He naturally in-cow-wires how it
came there.
A pompous fellow recently made a
very inadequate offer for a valuable
roperty, and calling next day for an
Ianswer, inquired if the owner had
Ient -tained his proposition. No"
replied the other, '.your proposition
has 4teI Sained me"
"Haw exclaimed an imaginative
preacher, in the midst of an over
Tiop bit sermon descriptive Of Heav-
en-, "meth nks l hear a wbisperl'
ssh" rejoined a deacon, rising in
his seat close to the pulpit, I" l pre-
sumo its the boys in the gallery"
what made you quit the East"
said man in Nevada to a new conner.
81 got into trouble by marrying two
wives" was the response ''WeI,"
said the other, IL came out here be-
cause I got into trouble by marrying
only one wife" "And l." added a
Ibystander, came here because 1 got
into trouble simply by promising to
marry one"
The following very pretty compli-
ment was paid to a yonng lady at
Murray Hill Sociable, recently, BY a
gentleman who had not the pleasure
of meeting her for two years: "Ahi
how do you do? Have l still the
pleasure of addressing you as Miss
Err Yes, sir, she replied.
Then" added the gallant youth
''that you are still Miss E-t, 1 am
sure is not the fault Of our sex"
A Boston paper tells an anecdote
with moral: "A young lady friend
of ours met in company a young gen
tleman who evidently had an excel
lent opinion ofhimself. During con
versation he introduced the subject
of matrim ony, and expatiated at
length upon the kind of wife he ex-
4 'cted to marry; that is, if ever he
shodld take the decisive step. The
honored lady must bewealthy, beau
.tiful, accomplished, DC, his listener
quietly waited until he ended, and
then completely confounded him by
asking in the coolest possible man
'ner, And pray, sir, what have you
to offer in return for all of thisy'
The young man stammered, redden-
ed little, and walked off.
They tell a good story of a certain
.well-knOwn Professor of natural
science. 1t was the custom Of the
Doctor to encourage his geology
class to collect specimens and bring
them into the class for analysis and
classification. SO one day, 4 num-
of specimens were laid upon the ia
bic, and among them one broken bit,
which, although streaked and stained
to impose on the Doctor, was really
nothing but piece of common brick.
In due time the Professor came to
the specimens. Taking up the ore
he saws at glance, This is a piece
Iof baryta, from the Cheshire mines
holding up another, ''This is a piece
of feldspar from the Portland quar-
ries; the next is a piece of quartz
from daddam, and this" coming to
the brick, ''is piece of i'm udenee
from some member of this class"
Eight kind ofkisses are mention
ed in the Scripture: the kisses of