Clarksville chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 186?-1872, 1870-08-06
SUM NATRAL HISTORY.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

FLEAs.-The smallest animal of the
brute creation, and the most pesky
liz the flea.
They are about the bigness Ov an
onion seed, and shine like bran new
shot.
They spring from low places, and
can spring further and faster than any
of the bug brutes.
They bite wuss than the misketeer,
fur tina bite on the run; one flea will
go all over mans suberbs In 2 min
its, and leave him az freckled az the
meazles.
1t is impossible to do ennything
well with II flea on you except sware,
and fieas amt afraid ov that the
only way iz to quit dizziness ov all
kinds, and hunt for the flea, and when
you have found him he amt thare.
This IL one of the flea mysteries, the
fackulty they have of being entirely
lost just az you have found them.
don't suppose there liz ever killed,
on an average, during emmy one year,
more than l6 fleas in the whole OF
the United States ov Amerika, unless
thare liz u casualty ov some kind
once in u while thare liz a dog gifts
drowned sudden, and then thare may
be few fleas lost.
They are about az hard to kill az a
flaxseed liz, and If you don't mash
them az fine az ground pepper, they
VIII start bizness again on u smaller
kapital just az pestiverous az ever.
Thare liz lots of people who have
seen flea, and it takes a pretty smart
man to see one ennyhow; they don't
stay long In a place.
If you ever ketch q flea, kill him
before you do ennything else. for II
you do put 1t off 2 minits 1t may be
too late.
Menny flea has passed away for.
ever In less time than 2 minits.
| BED BUGS.-I have never seen en-
nybody yet but what despised bed
bugs. They are the meanest of awl
crawling, creeping, hopping or biting
things.
They dozent tackle man bi dalite
but sneak in after dark, and chaw
him while he IL fast asleep.
A muskeeter will fight you in broat
dalite, at short range, and give you 0
fair chance to knock I'm his sides-th,
flea liz n game bug, and will make {
dash at you even in Broadway
but the bed bug Is a garrotel
who waits till you strip, and pick,
out mellow place to eat you.
If l waz in the habit ov swearing,
wouldn't hesitate to cuss u bed bug
right to his face.
Bed bugs are uncommon smart II
q small way; one pair Ov them will
stock hair mattress in 2 weeks will
} bugs enuf to last small family ,
whole year.
1t don't do emmy good to pray wher
bed bugs are in season; the only way
to get rid ov them liz to bile UP til,
whole bed In aqua fOrtis, and ther
heave 1t away and buy q new one.
Bed bugs, when they have gron,
and they intend to, are about the siz,
ov blue jays eye and have a brown
complexion, and when they start GU
to garrotte, are az thin az a greas,
. spot, but when they git thru CARROT
ting they are swelled up like blister
1t takes them 2 days to get til,
swelling out ov them.
If bed bugs have emmy destiny I,
fill it must be their stummucks, bu
. 1t seems to me that they must hav,
been made by accident just Us silver
are, to stick into sumboddy.
If they waz got up for sum wis
purpose they must have took tn
wrong road, for thare kant be enn.
wisdom i'm chawing man all nit
= long and raising a family besides t
i follow the same trade.
If thare liz sum wisdom In awl this
hope the bed bugs will chaw then
folks who can seeit, and leave me be
n bekause / am one OF the heriticks.