Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1870-07-28
INSTANTANEOUS ITEMS.
Or A WEEPING soNe-Love knot.

HOW TO MAKE a r1hE hOc-hceP ID
coaled.
THE BEST CURE o VANITY-Be pho'l
tographed.
THE man who tore his coat thinks rents
are increasing.
SHE who can compose a cross baby is
greater than she who composes books.
DIR. NRLAToN, the great French sur
geon, earned 100000 francs last year..
IT is loanly here, as the sentimental
pawnbroker's daughter said of her fathers
shop.
as follows: "Steme Bote Offs Knext
Bilding."
A sHARP young fellow y if time is
money!" he is willing to exchange a little
of his for cash.
To avoid anxiety in sickness and health,
be insured in the Washington Life Insur-
ance Company, of New York.
ENTERTAINING DOUBTS - Rubbish !
Doubts are very far from being ENTER
tanning )" they're extremely annoying.
THE most direct method of determining
horsepower. Stand behind and tickle
his hind legs with a briar.
Do you want to see your wife's smiles
Secure her from poverty by policy in
the Washington Life, of New York.
THE latest marriage announcements
I6tu buuSs nv Cd10b, III OdhCS NJ PAOo-
ents, M wedding trip, no honeymoon, no
divorce.
IT is said that all Japanese women can
read, write and cipher. An exchange
says:@"In civilized nations men 'sigh-for'
them" Obi
Mr.. g., is your customer D. a man to
be trusted2 ?" al know of ne one more
80. He is to be trusted forever-he never
pays"
can tell when their wives are about to ask
for money, by the way they purse their
mouths.
A REvENaEFUL individual, in the exu-
berance of his rage at some one who had
offended him, said "In have revenge.
I'll do something terrible. I'll give his
little boy q tin hornI"
A GIRL, hearing the lady of her house,
at dinner, ask her husband to bring "Dom-
hey and Son" " with him when he came
home to tea, had two extra plates on the
table for the supposed visitors.
A coRoNER's jury in Allegheny coun-
| ty, Pennsylvania, rendered a verdict that
1.-THE deceased came to his death by hang
ing, which was caused by his wife's scold-
ing b deceased because he was late to
tea"
"AH, my dear fellow" said an old man
once to a friend, 81 am weak and broken
| down with age. fused to walk entirely
round the park every day; but now I can
only walk halfway round and back
| again."
THE practice of distillery hands of
bathing after working hours in the watts
of whisky, not only refreshes and cleans
es the men, but adds to the body of the
liquor"
A MAN in South Hadley, who has just
got out of a lawsuit, wants to obtain a
large framed picture of a cow, with one
client at the head and the other at the tail,
pulling, and the lawyers meanwhile quiet
ly milking. E
ScHELL, the artist, is likewise a punster.
When with some of his brethren out
sketching, one of the club proposed to
remain and sketch another landscape.
"Oh, no." said Schell, "let's sketch the
train"
A OoNNEoTIcUr editor, commenting
upon the fact that a rival Journalist is
rapidly cultivating a champion bald head,
inquiries What's the use of a man hav-
ing hair, anyway, when he can fold his
ears over the top of his headf"
"DoEs~ your officiating clergyman
preach the gospel, and is his conversation
n carriage consistent Herewith ?" was a
circular from a bishop to a church warden
of his diocese. A-veteran near by replied,
"He breaches the gospel, but does not
keep a carriage"
"WHY are doctors called physicians,
mamma ?" said a little inquisitive girl to
her mother, who had just been visited by
one of them. "Physicians," replied
mamma, who was seldom at a loss for an
answer, I" comes from feeseek, as the doc
tors ride about all day to seek fees"
MORE people are killed by lightning
than is commonly supposed. According
to some recently published statistics more
than 10000 people have been smitten by
the electric fluid within the past thirty
years, of whom 2,252 were killed outright.
The fiery bolts, however, seem to make q
distinction on ccoun of eek, for of the
$50 killed within the last ten years, only
243 were females.
ACCORDING to the late James Y. Simp-
son, there is a single mandatory of chic
reform, located in Edinburgh, which
makes as many as 5000 dosesa day, or be-
tween two millions and three millions of
doses every year-evidence to what an ex-
tent the practice is now carried of wrap
ping men, women and children in q pain
less sleep during some of the most trying
moments n hours of human existence.
THERE is an old lady, who lives next
door to the navy yard at Portsmouth, in
New Hampshire, and who has the misfor-
tune to be hard OF hearing. Last Fourth
of July she sat in her parlor, while the
boys in the navy yard fired q salute of
thirty six heavy guns. AS the last sixty
eight-pounder went off, the old lady start
ed up in her chair, and called out, "Come
in I"
"a CORRESPONDENT of the Philadelphia
Post states that in Pennsylvania there is a
criminal and pauper population of about
$4,000, ninety per cent. of which has been
brought to degradation and want by in
temperance. The revenue of the COM
monwealth derived annually from LIQUOR
licenses is about $4,000, while the annu-
al cost to the people of the State for sup
porting criminals and paupers, made such
by intemperance, is about $2,E20,O00.
PROFESSOR PoRsoN, q short time before
his death, was in a mixed company,
among which were many distinguished
literary characters. One of the number,
a person of some celebrity, had a very
high opinion of his own talents, and
when the conversation turned on some of
his productions, as usual he began to ex-
toll their merits. 81 will tell you, sir"
said Mr.. Person, "what 1 think of your