The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1870-02-05
WIT AND WTSnnM


WHY are jokes like nuts Becsusa tha
dryer they are the better they crack.
"WHO's that gentleman, nv little
man p was asked Of an urchin.
That one with the spike-tailed coat ~
Yes" was the response
"Why, he's brcvet uncle of mine
How's that ~ was asked.
Because he's engaged to my aunt
Mary"
JOSH BILLINGS on preaching: 81 al
ways advise short sermons, especially on
hot Sunday. If minister kant strike lie
in 40 minutes. he has either got a poor
gimlet or else be boring in the rOng place. "
PovERTY 1T Is not poverty 50 much as
pretense that harnesses ruined man-the
struggle between a proud mind and an
empty Purse-tbe keeping up a shallow
show that must soon come to an end. Have
the courage to appear poor, and you disarm
poverty Of its sharpest sting.
Too OBLIGNG ny HALP-A gentleman
on leavisg . hotel, Sbsre he had been
stOPPin8 Ssvsssl daTs, rewarded the atten-
ton Of an obliging servant with gratuisy
" Alb" said the grateful Pat, "long may
your honor live, and may make your fires
hereafter"
A GERMAN thus describes an accident
" VOnce, long vile ago, / vent into mine
abble orchard to climb bear tree to get
some beaches to make mine vrow n bud
ding NIT and ven gets on the tobermost
branch vail from the lOwermost limb, NIT
one leg on both sides Of the fence, and liAe
to stove mine outsides in.
AN accepted suitor, one day walking
With the object Of bis affections hanging
upon his arm, and describing the ardor Of
his affections, said (:
How transported | am to have you
hanging upon my arm J"
Upon my word, said the lady, "you
make US out very respectable couple,
when the one is transported and the other
hanging!"
"HERE | am between two tailOrS," said
a dandy at public table where o couple Of
young tailOrs were seated. Every true"
said one Of them; we are but beginners,
and can only afford to keep one goose be-
tween Vi"
Poor OF MEANNEss.-" Nothing"
says John Foster, g more palpably betrays
littleness Of soul than a supercilous look
ing down on estlmable friends, of inferior
order, after man has attained some unex-
pectcd elevation" And yet nothing IL
more common. a man meets with a sud
den increase Of wealth, and be fails to re.
cognize acquaintance whose favor be once
courted. A man forms some distinguished
acquaintances, and the plain people with
whom be was once glad to associate are
passed away. According 10 Foster, there
must be great deal Of meanness Of soul
in this world.
A KIND-HEARTED aud witty clergyman
in New York, entering the house of one OF
bis elders one morning, found the good old
man numerically whipping one Of bis sons,
a lad about fourteen years old. and at once
began to intercede for the boy. The deacon
defended himself by saying that youth must
Be early FTaihed fu ths way F shOsi1 O1 80.
7" It was best to make an impression when
the wax was soft. /"
"Ay," said the pastor, "but that don't
here, for the tchdcks Vere not sOt1."
The deacon let the boy 60.
A DISTINGUISHED Ex-Governor Of Ohio
relates that, on one occasion, while be was
addressing temperance meeting at George
town, l.. O., and describing the miseries
caused by too frequent indulging in the
flowing bowl, bis attention was attracted BY
the sObbing Of a discOnsOlate and seedy
looking individual, seated in the rear part
Of the room. On going to him and inter
rogating him, the Governor was told the
usual tale Of ,foe; among other sad inci-
dents, that during bis career Of vice be had
buried three wives. The Governor, having
buried few wives Of bis own, sympathiEed
deeply with the inebriate, and consOled him
as much as was in his power. SAID be,
= The Lord has, indeed, deeply afflicted
you." The mourner, sObbing, replied
Z Yves, be has," and, pausing a moment
and wiping his nose, continued, "but
loo. think the Lord got much ahead Of
me, for as fast as be took one took an
other" ...........r.