The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-04-07
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

BLIss-Plenty of money.
A WoMAN's WML-Won't!
PATTERN WoMEN-The milliners.
THE BOTTLE TRICK-Getting drunk.
FLAT FALsEHOOD-Lying on your back.
HIGH WORDs-Dialogue in a balloon.
To REMOVE STAINS FROM CHARACTER
Get rich.
UNREQUTED LovE-A passion for gam
bling.
PUNCH calls wig, gown, and bands, a
law suit.
MEN who know good deal"-Card-
players.
CAPILLARY ATTRACTION-Fallin in
love with "A chignOn.
liz you want to get sure crop and a
big yield, sow wild oats.
PEOPLE who live by jokes, are gene
ally very "poor jokers."
MATTERS of moment ought to be de-
scribed in a minute manner.
A CRITIC says of famous singer that
" she sings few airs and puts on great
many"
THE lady whose blood curdlcd in her
veins. has ever since been very sour in
her disposition.
THE lash that man does not object to
have laid on his shoulders-The eye-lash
of Il pretty girl.
WHY is an Grand boy like an old horse
put mp at auction? Because he'll go for
what he'll fetch.
MAKE friends with life insurance, that
when you are old it may comfort you.
Remember the Washington Life.
A LODGING HOUSE KEEPER advertise
"to furnish gentlemen with pleasant nd
comfortable rooms, also one or two zen
tlemcn with wives"
AN exchange wants the government -
issue stamps tor kerosene, inscribed "Pr.
pare to meet thy God"
PHRENoLoGICAL FACT.-In the wl.0 2
British army says Fun, not one soldier IS
there with " retreating" forehead.
WHY is horse the most curious fcedgi
In the world? Because he eats best when
he has not "bit" in his mouth.
Two twin brothers in New York are so
much alike that they frequently borrow
money of each other without knowing It,
AT a school examination, a young ur-
chin being asked why it was so warm in
the torrid zone, very promptly replieL,
because it is so hot"
THE Washington is great public IA
vorite-the increase of business last year
over the year previous, was greater than
that of any other Cash Company.
STRANGE as it may seem, it is nevcrthc-
less fact that if you cut off your Lett
band, your right hand becomes your LETT
band.
a BOYS idea of having a tooth drawn
nay be summed up as follows: The
doctor mitchell fast on me, pulled his best,
and just before it killed me the tooth came
out"
THAT'S very singular" said young
lady to a gentleman who had just klss ID
her. "On, well, my dear miss, was the
reply, % will soon make it plural :" and
he villain aid.
"PLAsE turn your head little" said
beautiful nurse To- her male patient.
You have turned it already, mazda me-"
said he. "Ah, sir, l guess you will not
die this time"
GLOW is your husband this afternoon,
Mrs. Quiggs?" "Why, the doctor says as
wv IL he lives till morning he shall nave
some hopes of him; but if he don't he
mast give him up"
A WIDowER's SORROWS
heard Judge his tipstaff CALL
And say. = Sir, desire
You go forthwith and search the hall,
Ana send me in my crier."
a search, my lord, in vain may
10 upstah gravely said:
"Tfe Cricr cannot cry to-day,
Because his wife lie dead -
A PrrTsFIELD, Mass, man lost his
~ la nj hi
sound thrashiDg for losing it. Not long
after the father found the missing ham
mcr where he had left it, "Never mind"
said he, trying to console the boy and his
conscience, whippings never come
anisS :"
A CINCINNATI lady, who recently found
the gas escaping in her servants chamber,
asked her if she had blown it out instead
of turning it of, and was told that she
"was not SO green as all that; she had
only turned it on again little, that it
would be easier lighted in the mcrnin'."
"MY DEAR, if you go on at this extrav-
agant rate, SAID a penurious husband to
his wife, Il shall go cut of my wits"
well, my DEAR" responded the affection
ate wife, "there'll be one comfort in it,
anyhow, and that is, that if you 10 go out
oil your wits, you IL not have To go SD far
but what you'll be within easy call"
A CLERGYMAN who had been staying for
some time at the house of a friend, on
going away, called To him little Ton ny,
the iour-year-old son of his host, and
asked what he should give him for II
present. Tommy, who had great respect
for the "clOth," thought it was his duty
to suggest something of "a religious nature,
SO he answered nesltatingly, IL think
i should like a testament, and | knOto
should like pop-gun !"
A LINE OF LINEs.-A romantic pair in
Pennsylvania are blessed with a lot OF
daughters. The eldest was called Caro-
line, the second Madeline, the third Eve
line, the fourth Ange-linc, when lol the
NTH made It's appearance and 10 ne
could be found with the desired tera ~
ton. Determined, however, to flight 1t o.t
on that line ii it took all summer Il e
parents at length bounced. upon a na'
very popular in their nelghborhood,
forthwith the baby was called Crino- line
COMPOUND INTEREST,"
Ben Adam had golden coin, one day.
INCH he put out ut interest with a jew;
Year after year, awaiting him. il lay,
Until The doubled two pieces grew;
How rich Ben Adam Is u and bowed the ger
vile head
Ben Selim had golden coin, that day,
Which to n stranger asking aims he gave,
Who went, rejoicing, on his unknown way.
Ben Sclim died, 100 poor to own grave;
But, when his soul reached heaven, angels, with
pride,
Showed him the wealth to which his coin had
multiplied.
In a trial at Cork, for murder, the prn-
cipal witness swOre strongly against the
prisoner. He particularly swore that
hat, found near the place of the murder,
belonged to the prisoner, whose name was
James. "By virtue of your oath, ale you
sure that this is the same hat? Yes"
did you examine it carefully before you
swore i'm your information that it was the
prisOner's?" q did" "Now, let me
see" said O'Connell, as he took up The
hat and began to examine it carefully in
the inside. He then spelled out the name
nf olnwlxr Ia, Iii,