The Leavenworth weekly times. [volume] (Leavenworth, Kan.) 1870-1880, 1870-11-03

Pale through their nisty hair, looked forth
The space-dEarfed mountains TO the sea,
From mystery TO mystery"
Hand Shaking.
From the Saturday Review.l
The hot summer of 1870 must have set
many people thinking whether it is not pos
sible to invent some mode of salutatiOn more
convenient than that Of shaking hands.
When the thermometer is at 80 in the shade,
and when the only hope Of escaping sun
stroke seems to be to drink so much tea and
wear elothes asto best promote perspiration,
then the tyranny Of the social law which
cOmpels US to grasp the hand of casual and
very hot acquaintance, and to give it the
established vibration, is fully felt, and be-
comes almost insupportable. But the incon-
venience Of the practice Of shaking hands Is
not confined 70 the season of hot weather
only. There is probably no mode of saluta-
ton COMMONLY practiced by any civilized
nation which is so encOmpassed with difficult
ties and embarrassments. The difficulty Of
making correct bow is no doubt cOnsidera-
bic. There ia the difficulty of knowing how
to bow; how to draw the artistic line between
the unceremOniOus nod and the obsequious
Obeisance; and-for people who aim at doing
thing in good form-the difficulty Of ap-
portioning their angles of reverence to
the different sexes, and to the differ
ent social positions, ages, and degrees
of intimacy Of persons in each sex. And
there is also the difficulty of knowing when
to bow. But all the difficulties that cluster
round the how are nothing compared to those
that encompass the shaking of hands. The
difficulty Of knowing how to bow are, after
all. only the difficulties which beset the at
tempt to do anything we'll; and difficulties Of
the same kind, not inferior in degree, will
be found to beset the practice of shaking
hands. As for the difficulties Of knowing
when to bow it is obvious that they must be
at least doubled in the case of hand shaking,
for this simple reason, that that mode of sal
utatiOn requires the consent and co-Opera-
ton of two persons to execute it.
If any person should be inclined to doubt
whether hand-shaking is difficult opera
ton, let him consider the different modes in
which the custom is observed among his va
riOus friends and acquaintance. There are
negative modes and there are positive modes
Of shaking hands. There are, first of all,
the people who seem to fear that if they
once give you their hands they may never get
them back again, and who moneuvre
50 that you may not possess your
self of more than the tips of their fingers.
This mode of hand-shaking may be called
tipping, and those who use it tippers. Close
" allied to them is another sort Of half
handed shakers, those, namely, who do not
clasp your hands but finger it with two digits.
This mode of shaking hands is sometimes
adopted by men of political and literary no
toriety. But it is very apt to give offence:
and the most serious consequences have been
practised by young author upon critic
whom he had mistaken for a rival writer.
Those persons who, failing to give the
whole hand, nevertheless do not touch your
hand with the tips of their fingers only, but
finger it with the whole or four fingers, are
called 6ngercTs. Then there are those who
give the whole hand, but give it in limp
fabby manner, as Newfoundland dog gives
its paw. These people seem to think they
have discharged the whole duty of hand,
shaking when they have put their neigh
bors in possession Of their hands. Were it
the custom to make our adieus to dear
departed by shaking hands with his corpse,
the sensation would no doubt be very like
what We experience when We salute these
fabby shakers; who, rs they use their hands
much in the same way As the mock turtle
uses his flaps, may be called fappers. These
negative modes Of shaking hands are dis
agreeable enough.
But the positive modes are still more I'M
pleasant. Among these, the least distressing
is probably the thrusting mode. There are
some people who, when you offer them your
hand, take il; but take is only to put it
from them, as it it were something COM
mon or unclean. They seize it with quick
decision, as brave children seize a snap
dragon or an earwig. Then, by a rapid
thrust forward in tierce, they return it to
your side; and having got it there, they drop
or shoot it into space. These thrusters
are numerous class; and oddly enough
their mode does not seem TO give 50 much
offence as that of the tiPpers and fingerers.
More physically painful, though ethically
less injurious, is the mode Of those who
squeeze. This mode is chiefly practiced
BY Methodists, by fervid preachers of evan
gelical persuasiOns, and by other persons of
power and piety. TOrments are often suf-
fered by small-bOned or rheumatic men and
fragile women, who have fallen into the
hands Of one of these fervid giants, and who
have rings on their fingers when the cruel
clutch is eff; cted.
But worse even than this class of "squeez.
ers'' is that of the ''clingers;" the people
who, having once got hold of your hands,
refuse to let it go, but use it as they would
yOur buttOnhOle, or as the Ancient Mari |
ner used his glittering eve to compel you to
hear all they have to say; giving it at in
lervals little pressure motions, Or vibra- !
ions, As a running accompaniment to their |
waddle. Of all the kinds of shakers above |
these clingers are undoubtedly the
most pestilential; and when as is OCCASION
lily the case, they combine squeezing with
.linging, they are simply uncomfortable and
,ught to be treated as creatures that outrage
ociety.
There are very few people who do not par
axe, in greater or less degree, of one or
more these Of faults in hand-shaking II any
eader has hitherto been accustomed to
hink that hand-shaking isa less difficult
Orm Of salutatiOn to execute well than bow,
ct him consider carefully, in one Of his mo-
nents of deepest Consciousness, his own
node of shaking hands; and when he has
one this, let him consult candid friend
n the subject.
Banged Attempt at . Census Fraud
The New York Herald of yesteaday has
he following from its correspondent at
"For some days past there have been
nmors that the Census Office had detected
rauds on the part of some of the enumer-
tors employed BY the census marshals, and
atements to that effect have found their way
ITO public print. The fact is that but one ,,
,se of such frand has been developed.
hat case occurred in one of the districts of {
ittsylvania County, Va. In that district
ssistant Marshal Cole undertook TO obtain
lore than the compensation allowed BY law, :
: means ofa very bungling contrivance,
hich was exposed BY the Census Office as
on As the bogus returns were examined.
II. Cole duplicated and in some instances !
iplicated lists Of names. transcribing the .
S.<..~~