The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1870-12-30
TInoTHY,s TEA PARTY.

come, won't yOuf Mufnns and all mrs
rate De-ehghtfuli . sighed Timoth,
ecstatically; "the incest little tea-part,
lever hadl"
Dame Charmberry dropped her knit
ting and pricked up her ears but he
spouse, who had been dozing comforta
bly, in the great corner settle, gave onl,
sound snore, and made no further re
mark
party, indeedl" quoth Dam,
Charmberry. "What's he up to nov7
Who's he after2 That horrid smar
bar-maid at the Blue Cow I'll bet {
shillingi But I'll spoil his tea-partieG
fer him, III go baili Here, Timothy
hoo-oo-oo, mani 60 to bed, and denA
he snoring there, like th , raging hor
a-going about to dewour."
And, by dint of thumps, scratches,
pinches, and pushes, supplemented By
a very. vigorous shaking, she aroused
the poor little man, and hunted him of
TO his dormitory.
Timothy Charmberry was the small.
est and shortest man In the rambling
parish of Hucklebroom, and, as such
tiny specimens do, (from some myster-
ious influence leave to more scientific
folks to explain) had married one OF
the biggest women for miles round; for
his wife was six feet high, and she
was stout In proportion Now, much
no doubt, as Timothy had admired this
colossal stature In his bride in earlier
days, it had its disadvantages, for she
was most emphatically his better-half,
In every sense of the word; in fact, to
speak accurately, his three-quarters.
Poor Timothy, moreover, ,labored under
an affection, which practically dimin-
ished his chances of rulership, for he
was as deaf as Dame Eleanor Spearing:
~Deef to verbs and AL their conpoundings,
Adjective, noun and sdverb, and particle,
Deaf 10 even the definite article"
Now unfortunately, Dame Charm
berry had also failing, an absurd one,
common, alasl to her sex-she was
most uEreasonably iealons. Poor little
meek Timothy, who conld never have
screwed up courage enough to say
"Boln to q mouse, much less to a
goose, was far too modest to give her
any cause or reason for her disease, and
being, moreover, of q small size, was
liable to be overlooked by most of the
blooming maids and buxom widows
of Hucklebroom. Besides, Timothy's
eyes were not pair, albeit both goose
berry green; and the fringe of thin
iank hair that adorned his haf-bald
skull asmore of the color of unrayel-
ed string than anything else; and over
and above that, one bony shoulder was
higher than the other, and he had q
club foot. Now, the veriest old maid
in Hucklebroom could hardly have con-
jured him into an Adonis; but Dame
Charmberry doubtless imagined that
the charms which he'd caught her large
heart, might prove dangerous to others;
and thus, although a good, hnd-heart-
ed woman in the main, she worried
both him and herself to death. On &C.
count of his deafness, she could not
curtain-lecture him, for Mrs Candle
herself could not have made him hear
syllable, and though series of signs
did tolerably well for the usual mode
of communication, they were not sufi-
eient to relieve her overcharged bosom
Consequently her rage, diverted from
this safety-valve, fell to other modes of
punishment. She was too tender
hearted to infict personal chastise-
ment on him; and therefore, when her
11Af1O kOb ICY Ou0 C1uu ltllCcg BIC bACt1oCo
him in an original fashion, by placing
s1 articles of food, his favorite dainties
especially, on such a very high shelf
that he could not get them without
walking half a mile to borrow Sandy
Sawpit's ladder-and then she went out
to tea
On the present occasion, Mrs. Charm
berry, having heard these few mutter-
ed words fall from poor Timothy's
sleeping bps, felt convinced that he
meditated some amorous appointment
shortly, and In the secret rage of her
heart resolved to discover the whole
So she dissembled her wrath, and the
next day announced her intention of
going to drink tea with her mother ON
Christmas Eve. =.
"Yes, my dear" replied Timothy,
Nto be sure, so you shall, and as early
as you like, too. It's the blessed Christ
mas time, and everybody ought to enjoy
themselves.
And Timothy rubbed his skinny
hands, and winked his. goggle-eyes
through his great horn spectacles, like
an owl In daylight, and stitched away
faster than ever, for he was tailor,
and was putting patch on the parish
clerks best black indispensables against
next Sunday, which was also Christmas
Day.
enjoy themselves, indeedl" 4" said
Dame CharmbeTy, Indignantly, shak-
ing her head, and poNng the broom
stick at him. /" All, you faithless vii
lain YOU think you VIII, I dare
say, you false, deceiying monsterl But
III circumvent your tea-party, or my
name isn't Ruth CharmbeTy !"
Yes, my dear, to be sure you shall ;"
replied the unconscious Timothy, COM
placently, who heard and saw nothing,
but went stitching on with his face TO
the window, which so exaspefated the
wife of his bosom that she gave the
board such a violent shake that down
went Timothy, thimble and all. Quite
unconscious, however, of the cause of
the accident, he picked himself meekly
up, with the rest of his belongings, and
Mohammedan, while Dame Charmberry
vented the rest of her wrath on the dog,
who fed, howling dismally.
Christmas Eve came, and after their
frugal meal, Dame Charmberry, first
setting her house In the strictest order,
departed, first giving a last glance at
the high shelf, on which she had put
the teapot and loaf Timothy saw her
to the gate, and there stood, rubbing
his hands as usual, to the ghost of a
whistle, and watched her on her way
down the long village street, past the
butchers, past the Blue Cow" be-
yond the general shop, past Sandy Saw
pits, and at last vanishing in the dim
distance up Mil Lane.
"Tn have holiday, too," says Tim
othy; "it's Christmas-time, and III go
on the spreel Oh, law, if Ruth only
heard mel She's a dear, good soul,
but awful strict She wouldn't trust
me with sixpence, I'm sure, If was
to ask her for fear I'd, spend it at the
6 Blue Cows" but, lawi shouldn't.
And here's the young Squire's half
crown, ASH provide for my tea-party
handsome"
And Timothy chuckled so that his