The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1870-07-07
How Mark Twain Once Edited an Agrl.
cultural Paper.

command of a ship without misgivings.
Rut was in circumstances that made the
salary an object The regular editor of
the paper was going off for a holiday,
and accepted the terms he offered, and
took his place.
The sensation of being at work again
was luxurious, and wrought all the week
with unflagged pleasure. We went to
press. and / waited day with some So
licitude to see whether my effort was
going to attract any notice. AS left the
Office, toward shutdown, a group of men
and BOYS at the foot of the stairs dispersed
with one impulse, and gave me passage
way, and | heard one of them say
THAT'S himw | was naturally pleased
by this incident. The next morning /
found similar group st the foot of the
stairs, and scattering couples and individ-
uals standing here and there in the
street, and over the way, watching me
with interest. The group separated and
fell back as l approached, and | heard a
man saw: "Look at his eyer L pre-
tended not to observe the notice was at
tracing, but secretly l was pleased with
it, and was purposing to write an account
of it to my aunt. / went up the short
fight of stairs, and heard CHEEKY voices
and a ringing laugh as / drew near the
glimpse of two young ruralloOking men,
whose faces blancbed and heightened
when they saw me, and then they both
plunged through the window with
great crash. / was surprised.
In about half an hour an old gentleman,
with flowing beard and fine but rather
austere face, entered, and sat down at my
invitation. He seemed to have something
on his mind. He took off his hat and set
it on the floor, and got out of it red silk
handkerchief and a copy of our paper.
He put the paper on his lap, and, while he
polished his spectacles with his handker-
chief, he said:
care you the new editor ??
"Have you ever edited an agricultural
paper befOre?"
mo" said; "this is my first attempt"
"Very likely. Have you had any ex-
perience in agriculture, practically?"
"No, believe have not"
"SOme instinct told me so" said the old
gentleman, putting on his spectacles and
looking over them at me with asperlty,
while he folded his paper into a cOnven-
lent shape. 81 wish to read you what
must have made me have that instinct.
1t was this editorial. Listen, and see If it
was you that wrote it:
"Turnips should never be pulled-it Injuries
them. 1t is much better 10 send boy up and let
him shake the tree.
"Now, what do you think of that?-
for | really suppose you wrote it ?"
think OF it ?" Why | think it is good.
/ think it is sense l have no doubt that,
every year, millions and millions of bush
els of turnips are spoiled in this township
alone by being pulled in a half-ripe'coDdi-
ton, when, if they had sent a boy up to
shake tree
"Shake your grandmother Turnips
don't grow on trees )"
"Oh. they don't, don't they? Well, who
said they did? The language was intended
to be figurative, wholly figurative Any
body, tnat knows anything, will know
that | meant that the boy should shake
the vine"
Then the old person got up aud tore
his paper all into small shreds, and
stamped on them, and broke several things
with his cane, and said | did not know
as much as a COW; and then went out,
and banged the door after him, and, IA
short, acted in such way that | fancied
he was displeased about something But,
not knowing what the trouble was,
could not be any help to him.
Pretty soon after this long, cadaver-
Gus creature, with lanky locks hanging
down to his shoulders and weeks stub
BILE bristling from the hills and valleys OF
his face, darted within the door, and
halted, motionless, with finger on lip, and
head and body bent in listening attitude
No sound was heard. Still he listened
No sound. Then ne turned the key in
the door, and came deliberately tip-toeing
toward me- till he was within long reach
ing distance of me, when he stopped, and
after scanning my face with intense III
terest for a while, drew folded copy o.
our paper from his bosom, and said
"There-yOu wrote that. Read it t
me, quick Relieve mel suffer"
/ read as follows-and as the sentence
fell from my lips / could see the relic
GOMEZ could see drawn muscles relax
and the anxiety go out of the face, ant
rest and peace steal over the features lik,
the merciful moonlight over a desolat
landscape
The guano is fine bird but great care is nee
essary IN rearing IT. 1t should not be lmporte
earlier than June nor later than September. 1
the winter ii should be kept in warm place
where it hatch out its young.
- 1t Is evident that we are to nave backwar
season for grain. Therefore, it will be well 10
the farmer 10 be setting out his corn-stalks an
planting his backwheaI cakes in July instead {
August.
Concerning the Pumpkin.-This berry is fl
vOrite with the natives Of the interior of Me-
England, who prefer it to the gooseberry for tn
making of fruit caks, and VINO ike wise give it tn
preference the raspberry for feeding cows 3
being more filling and fully IS satisfying. m
pumpkin is the only esculent OF the orange jaInil
that will thrive in tue North, except the gOurd an
ore or two varieties of the squash. But the GU:
tom OF planting il in the front yard with the shrut
berry Is fast going out of vogue, for 1t Is gel
eraly conceded that the pumpkin, a shade tree
Is failure.
Now, as the warm weather approaches, an
the ganders begin to spawn"
The excited listener sprang toward mt
TO shake hands, and said:
"There, there-that will dol / know
am all right now, because you have rea
it just as l did, word for word Blu
stranger, when / first read it this morn
ing, | said TO myself, never, never bt
lieved it before, notwithstanding m
friends kept me under watch so strict, bu
now believe / an crazy; and with tbs
i fetched a howl that you might hav
heard two miles, and started out to XII
somebOdy,-becausC, you know, [ knee
1t would come to that sooner. or later sn
so / might as well begin. L read one
them paragraphs over again, SO as to b
certain, and then burned my house dow
and started. l have crippled several pee
pie, and have got one fellow up ire,
where L can get him if / want him. Blu
thought would call in here as passe
along, and make the thing perfectly Gel
tain and now it as certain, and L tell yO
it is lucky for the chap that is in the ire,
/ should have killed him, sure. as | wer
back Good-by, sir, good by-you hav
taken great load off my mind. My re,
son has stood the strain of one of you
agricultural articles, and I know tn,
nothing can ever unseat it now. Goo
by, sir"
felt little uncomfortable about II
cripplings and arsOns this person Ina
been entertaining himself with, for cou
not help feeling remotely accessory
them but these thoughts were quick
banished, for the regular editor walks