Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1870-03-17
Amusing Paragraphs.

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it is wruDg for dinner.
WHAT should clergymen preach about,
About fifteen minutes
SUFFERING from wet groceries" ia the
polite name for drunk in Chicago.
SHOULD auld acquaintance be forgot ?"
Not If they have money.
How long does widow mourn for her
husband? She mourns for second.
LONDON has discovered Mordau Mt that
fixes the dye of fast coors on the Prints of
Wales
A GREAT beer-drinker sat out dull drama
because he wanted to see the tin(e)ale of
the play.
A SENTIMENTAL youth says be prefers
hanging on the neck to hanging by the
neck; but that both are dangerous.
A CHAPLAIN OF state prison was asked
by friend how his parishioners were.
"All under conviction" was the reply
WHY is dog with q broken leg like boy
at arithmetic Because heputs down three
and carries one.
GERMAN version OF an old couplet; "Man
wants but little beer below, but wants that
little strong"
A CINCINNATI paper says "There should
be an inspector of back hair in this city.
Its hard to tell which is switch"
JoLH BILLINGS says: zone of the fus-
siest scenes l ever see'dwuz two old maids
waitin on one sick widower."
Why is the earth like Blackboard Be-
cause the children Of men multiply upon
the face of it.
ARE members of City Council called
CITY Fathers from their extensive deal
ings in 'pap?"
SCHOOL MARIN to little JOSIE where ia
the North Pole, JOSEF" TOP of the map.
marm."
"a MAN can't help what is done behind
his back, as the scamp said when he was
kicked out of doors.
Ina ,..me of cards great deal depends
on good playing, and good playing on
good deal.
Mr.. BILLINGS is OF the opinion t,.aas
"thare IL lots ov people in this world who
covet mistortunes, just for the luxury of
grunting."
AN Irishman that WAS very near.sighted,
about to fight a duel insisted that he
should stand six PAGES nearer his antagonist
than the other did to him.
A COMMENTATOR discovers that Nebu-
chadnezzar invented the popular game of
"old sledge," because he got his living on
'all tours for seven years.
AN old farmer whose son had lately died,
was visited by neighbor, who began to
cendole with him ON his loss. "My loss r
exclaimed the father ''no such thing; il
was his own loss he was of age"
A METHODIST minister in Vermont has
forbidden any one to play base vicl in his
church. He says however serious his
thoughts may be, the moment he hears q
fiddle he goes to thinking how he used to
dance.
THERE is an old lady in Lynchburg, Va,
who says she made pair of socAs last
fifteen years by merely knitting feet TO
them every winter, and legs every other
winter.
SPEAKING of recent gale 10 the vicinity
OF White Pine Nevada, enc miner remark
ed why, its a reg lar typhoid; whereup-
on comrade patronizlngly remarked to the
bystanders, Hes an ignorant cuss; he
means tycoon.
A WESTERN school teacher received the
following note from one of her scholars as
an excuse for hardness: "Baby cross Bis
cult to Bake Had no Baken powders the
dog mp set the coffee pot the cat licked in
the Milk and got up late Excuse"
"Do YOU believe IN second love, Mister
McQuade?" do believe III second lover
Humph! If man buys pound OF sugar,
isn't 1t swate? and when it's gone, don't he
want another pound? and isn't that swate
too? Troth Murphy, l do believe in second
love"
SINCE the story has been told of how
Judge Breckenridge married girl whom
be saw jump over a rail .ttnce with pail
on her head, all the girls in Orange county,
New York, are said TO spend their time in
watching the road, and whenever they see
carriage approaching with man in it,
they seize their pals and go for fence.
A GENTLEMAN was Gliding his son for
staying out late at night, or rather early
next morning, and said; "Why, when |
was OF your ago my father would not allow
me to 20 out of the house after dark. -
AhNA ,Ob hud uSuSb VI Ihlutly JOe
had, sneered the young prohigate; where.
upon the father very rashly vociierated, 81
had COMPOUNDED sight better one than you
have you young rascal.
MAT M was queer genius. A neigh
Dor found him at work one day al an enor-
nous wood-pile. saving away for dear life
with an lntoleraby dull saw. "Why don't
you sharpen your saw Mat2" asked the
neighbor. Looking up with on inimitably
droll expression, 81 should think | had
work enough to do to saw up this wood
pile, without stopping to sharpen saws"
"DAN," said little four.year old, "give
me sixpence TO buy monkey"
We've got one monkey il the house
now, replied his brother.
"Who is it, DAMP asked the little fell
low
You, " was the reply.
"lhen give me sixpence to buy the
monkey some nuts.