The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1870-02-18
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"A cramped waist betokens brains
In similar condition.
- He who marries fer wealth sells
his liberty.
Put off repentance till .o-mer-
row and You have day more 20 repent
Of, and day less to repent in.
M- Ladies' wear so much false hair
Win their own now-a-day that We are
puzzled to tell which from switch.
- A ii of us who are worth any
thing spend our manhood in unlearn-
ing the follies, or expiating the mis-
takes of our youth.
ST know every rock on this
c)ast," said an Irish pilot. At that
moment the ship struck, when he ex-
claimed ''and that's one of them!n
-"What death would yeu prefer
to die ?" said a person to another. 81
don't exactly know; should try seven
or eight before deciding the point"
"A churchyard IN Ulster has a
tombstone with the following epitaph
-"Erected to the memory of j ohn
Philips, accidentally shot as mark OF
affection by his brother"
dShiOhdClC Ohu& i1uNs ueIdCH-
Ing her hair before retiring: "What
dreams may come when We shuttle oil
this mortal coil ~
- If negro went to the bank to
pay money, what four ShaksperiaL
characters would he namep Oh, felIer
cash owe; dere's de money, ere | go.
A raiser OF poultry, in Louisiana
has dug a well at the entrance of bis
hen house, and placed fitting cover
on it. His catch averages one darky q
night.
til say, hackman, those horses
lock tired" remarked gentleman.
''Yes, sir, rather" replied the driver
"a wit IN his way-"ana so are the
wheels of the COACH"
- Why is the letter r very unfor-
tunate? Because it is always in trouble
wretchedness and misery, is the begin
iing OF riot and ruin. and is never
found IN peace, Innocence or love.
- An old gentleman of great ex-
perienee, says he is never satisfied that
lady understands a kiss, unless he
has it from her mouth.
"A Detroit girl, who wears |
beaver and sports cane, makes it "a
point to kiss every good looking man
hUC IltCtSs anu eOHiC say BIC HleCL3 u |
good many good looking men.
"A Congressman from Alabama
nearly furnished materials for Con-
gresslonal funeral the other day. He
tried to piueh the gas-light out, but
found somebody had stolen the wick.
- allow are you. Broom ?" asked
a bluff old sailor, of a flop who was al
ways annoyed unless he was address,
as MI. Broom, and who responded,
81 d have you to know, sir, that Eve q
handle to my name" "Oh, all right
How are you, Broom-handleI'
DR.. Cousin having heard tie
famous L. Fuller repeat verses on
scoldlng wife, was so delighted with
them as to request copy; but Fuller
told him "a copy was needless, as he
had the eriglnal.'
--"My opponent, Mr., Chairman,
persists in saving that he is entitled to
the floor. Whether he is or not shall
not inquire.-All | have to say is that
be will get tioored fheipterrupts me o.
gain" ]
- Mrs. Parington says she did not
marry her second husband because she
loved the male sex, but just because !
be was the same size Other first hus-
band, aud could wear out his old |
clothes.
Mother" said a little five-year- i
Sid, when she came home, 81 have Q
heard such smart minister. He q
and pounded, and made such II
! noise! And then he got so mad, he
hook his fists at tht folks, and there ?
vasn't any body dared to go up and {
light him." i
Yes, gentleman, sald late \
voted BOstonian, Il believe In the mil r,
ennium, and that the time will come a
when re lion and the lamb will lie Il
Town together but gentlemen, think .
lie lamb will be IDLY scared the =
irst night = 4
My good gracious y said Mrs. Q
4 wonder whatthey'll man VI
liaclure next out of grain. Here's an o.
ccount Of making a wry face, another
making flowery speech; and then a
whole column about the cornlaws.'
- A chap ont West, wanting wife
lot an ornamsnt TO society, but as a
seful member thereof advertises thus
y: "Any gal what's got bed, cof- z
ee-pot, skillet, kAo~s how to cut ont
ritches, can make hunting-shirt. and
nows how TO take care OF young uns. {
an get my services till death parts y
9th Oh u.s." c,
Josh Billings has issued n SIM
cement to his famous ESSAY on tie "
iule. Here it is in full: sThe mewl
larger burd than tire guSe or tIr- rel
cy' IL mas TIVE legs to walk with, and ~
NO more to kick with, and ID wares its bGee
ihgs on the side OF its head, Gu
su