Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1870-12-02


Is always sure to bless.
EHazsnor.
A home melodist-a baby.
Sheet music-singing in bed.
Ear+h's hottest spot-the oil regions.
IT'S ever sew, as the seamstress said.
Visionary fruit-the apple Of the eye
A mere matter Of form-cutting dress
The finest cosmetic is clear conscience.
A miss is better than mile-of misters
When are thieves like leopards? When
they are spotted
TriAes make perfection, but perfection
itself is not trihe.
Why is the sun like good loaf? Because
it's light when it rises.
Dangerous ndividuais-peeple dressed to
kill
A musical burglar-one who breaks into
a tune.
Definition of kiss-a report from head
quarters.
The book whose contents rule the world
-pocket-book.
Men are like potatoes-they do not know
how soon they may be in hot water.
If the doctor orders bark, has not the
patient right to growl :?
A class opposed to legislation abstract
principles" -pickpockets.
Why is an overworked horse like an UNI
brella? Because it's used up.
Falling in love is like falling into molas-
sss-sweet, but dreadful dauby.
What part CT speech is kissing? A con-
junction.
The difference that was split was consid-
erably damaged.
Mutton makes good dish, but m utton-
head may spoil it.
InTexas young bulls and young men are
both caught with lass-o.
The musquito, as a public singer, draws
we'll, but never gives satisfaction.
One of the pleasantest kinds Of husbandry
is that of destroying widows weeds.
MY deeds upon my head as the lawyer
said when he put his papers into his hat.
Woman is an essay on grace, in one vol
ume, elegantly bound. Every man should
have copy.
Ladies wear so much false hair with their
own nowadays, that we are puzzled to tell
which from switch.
I have very little respect for the ties of
this world, as the chap said when the rope
was put around his neck
Josh Billings says he has known mule
to be good mule for six months so as to
get chance to kick somebody.
Why are country girls cheeks like good
print dress? Because they are warranted to
wash and retain their color.
The young man who stood on his own
merits became very much fatigued with the
PshAol mau0e.
1t has become question as to whether a
phrenologist can tell what barrel contains
by examining its head.
Most people seem to imagine that advice,
like physic, to do good must be disagreed
BILE.
The new moon is commendable for sobri-
ETY.. 1t takes only the smallest sort Of
horn.
A LARGE FAcE.-Somebody, in describ-
ing beautiful lady, says she has "a face
that painter might dwell npon ~ Rather
broad face that
Never eat while you speak, as mans
throat is too narrow channel for words to
pass up and good meat to pass down at the
same time.
What is it that sticketh closer than a
brother?' said Sunday-school teacher to ono
Of his class. "A postage stamp, by guaap
said the incorrigible.
Josh Billings says that onc ov the hard
est things for emmy man to do, is tew fall
down on the ice when it is wet, and then
get up and praze the Lord.
When a man and woman are made one,
the question is, which one? Sometimes there
is long struggle between them before the
matter is settled.
Milton was asked by friend whether he
would instruct his daug hter in the different
languages, to which he replied, No, sir;
one tongue is sufficient for woman
what did the Israelites do after they
crossed the Red Scar asked a superinten
dent of Sunday school. They dried them
Selves said shrill voiced little girl.
A learned doctor has given his opinion
that tight lacing is public benefit, mas
much as it kills off all the foolish girls and
leaves tho wise ones to grow into women
VALUE OF MoNEY-W saw fellow 60
ing zigzag up the street the other day sing
ing. Money is a hard thing to borrow A
wag exclaimed, Yes, aid sight thing to
pay back
A crusty old bachelor says that women's
hearts are as brittle as glass, and man who
wishes to engrave his name on them must
use diamonds, or he will not be success
full.
Browning-'Well, I always make it
rule to tell my wife everything that happens
Smithkins-'Oh, my dear fellow, that is
nothing. tell my wife lots of things that
never happen at ALL
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