The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1870-07-07

- Keep pace with the march of time in the
improvement of thy heart. To fall behind is
to fall into pcrdition.
When you hear man say, "Life is but a
dream" tread on his corns and wake him up.
Life is real.
IF a young lady has thousand acres of
valuable land, the young men are apt to con-
clude that there are sufficient grounds for at
tachment.
"A veteran was relating his exploits to a
crowd of boys and mentioned having been In
five engagements. "That's nothing" broke in
little fellow, "my sister Sarah has been en-
gagaged eleven times"
"A Maine doctor, applying for position
as an examiner of life insurance company,
replied to the question as to the system on
which he practiced; "The human system"
-"Well wasn't that finished sermon we
had this morning" asked one person of another
rs they came out of church. FINISHED p was
the reply; Eyes, it was finished at last, although
began to think it never would be-"
The following is verbatim copy attached
to the return of postmaster in Shawnee coun-
ty, Missouri: 81 hereby certify that the fore go
ing A Count is as near Rite as l know how to
make it. if there is any mistake it is not Dun
Purpers."
One of the best remedies for whooping-
cough is tea made the blossoms of red clover.
Take two ounces of the best blossoms, and one
pint boiling water; steep three or four hours and
give in doses of wine glass full occasionally
through the day. 1t is infallible.
Kettles which have had onions boiled in
them sometimes retain a bad odor. They can
be readily cleansed by dissolving teaspoonful
of pearlash or saleratus in water and washing
them with it. Good also to remove odors from
cooking vessels.
- The New York Commercial Advertiser
moderate Republican, says: "They are making
very ugly record against that eminent Chris.
tian soldier, Gen. Howard 1t is very sad
thing to contemplate that our most pure, gifted
and heroic, when brought in contact with the
handling of money, rarely escape soiling them
selves in some way with the stain OF green,
backs Here is our Havelock of the army held
I'D as no better than mercenary contractor
and camp follower"
- Ben Wade is reported as saying that the
would like to have his pipe and an easy chair
by the fireside. There's no accounting tor
tastes. We should prefer having our chair IN
the ice-house just now
- Children should be Injured as early as
possible to acts of charity and mercy. Con-
stantine, as soon as his son could write, en-
ployed his hand in writing pardons, and de-
lighted in conveying through his mouth all the
favors he granted.
A thirsty Quaker, having stopped at q
Long Island tavern to get pot OF beer, ana
observing that tie measure was deficient, askeu
the landlord how many casks he drew in
month. "Ten," was the reply. "And wouldst
thou not like to draw eleven, my TREND =
"Yes." "Then I'll tell thee how; fill thy
measures !"
"A youngster required to write compost
tion upon some portion of the human body,
selected that which unites the head to the
shoulders. and expanded rs follows "a
throat is convenient to have, especially to
ROSTERS and ministers The former eats
corn, and crows with it; the latter breaches =:
through hisn, and then ties it up. This is
pretty much all which l can think OF about
necks."