Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1870-08-02
Lunch for HG1aOriStS.

Knees that the Crispins are constantly down
on Chinese
Virginia has natural bridge-but that's no
more than everyone s nose has.
''If we can't hear, it amt for the lack of
ears as The ass said to the corn-held.
The ice-cream fever has become epidemic,
and soda and lemonade are going down.
When is a Chinese the most like vegetable?
Why, when cue cumbers his head, OF course
Mr.. Blnks, whose wife presented him with
pair Of boys this week, speaks of himself as
having been son struck.
Elder Smith one of the Mormon prophets.
has buried so many wives that he deserves to
be called Elder-bury Smith
A gentleman who desired a small watering
place for the hot months has been offered the
position of driver of our street sprinkler.
A Georgian editor has had his pistol stolen.
He advertlsas to give the thief the contents,
and no questions asked, if he will return it.
s'My landlady." said one man, makes her
tea so strong that it breaks the cups" And
mine" said another, makes her 5 SO weak it
can't run out of the pot.
A little boy embodied his thoughts on the
ology in words thus: Il don't see how the
devil came to turn out so when there was no
other devil to put him up to 1t.
A gentleman asked a little girl what it was
that made a person feel SO when another tlckled
him. Il suppose it is the laugh creeping over
him, was the instant response
At a spiritual circle the other evening a gen
teman requested the medium to ask what
amusement was the most popular in the spr
itual world. The reply was, Reading our
own obituary notices"
At public sale of books in London, Drew S
Essay on Souls" was knocked down to
shoemaker who, to the great amusement of the
assembly, asked the auctioneer if he had any
more books on shoemaking to sell.
II like to see the dear little creatures amuse
themselves said Mrs. Brown, when her elder
boy took the visitors new bonnet and affixed it
to the tail of his kite "Never fear," said the
good matron to her visitor, when she saw her
bonnet in the air, as soon as the kite comes
down he will give it to you. !"
81 FEEL" moaued dying cobbler, that |
wax weaker every day, and that | am gradual
" approaching my end only few more stiFch-
es and a1l will be over. La heaven there is
rest for the sole; earth has no sorrow that
heaven cannot heel" Having said awl be
wished be calmly breathed his last
How fast does sound travel ?'' Josh Bill
iings says it depends good deal upon the
sound you are talking of The sound of din
ner horn. for Instance, travels half a mile in a
second, while an invitation to get up 10 the
morning he had known to be about three quar-
ters of an hour going up two pair Of stairs. and
then not have strength enough to be heard
1t is said that man who was staying at one
of the Cape May hotels last week woke up one
morning and couldn' fnd his pillow anywhere
Just as he was about giving up the search, he
put his hand to his head and found that the
pillow had got damned into his ear. The reg
ulation allowance at Cape Mey hotel is one
feather for pillow and two for bolster.
Already the summer fashions are appearing
upon the streets of the Indian villages in Wis
conNin. and hey arc attracting great deal of
attention. Oae of the Wisconsin papers de-
scribes a suit worn by boy years old 1t
consisted of garter tied around the left leg
The bllghtng influence Of civilization has not
extended to the aborigines Of Wisconsin.
1t is related that as some friends of Camp
bell, the anthor of "Hobenlinden,' - were lea v
ing his room after late supper one of them
had the misfortune to fall down long flight of
stairs. The poet, alarmed by the noise opened
the door and inquired. What's that p
It's |, sir, rolling rapidly!' was the prompt
reply Of his fallen friend.
AN AWFUL YOUTH An item is going the
rounds of the papers that "a boy of thirteen,
in western town, ran away with circus. -
We d, MT know anything about this boy, but