Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes Co., O. [Ohio]) 1870-1895, 1870-12-22

A young man who had received {
'blowing up" from his sweetheart
retorted by calling her windiass
An Irish jockey, elated with his
success at winning q race, observed
"By my soul, I'm first at last, I've
always been behind before"
The woman who undertook to
scour the woods has abandoned the
LOB, owing to the high price of soap.
The last that was heard of her she
was skimming the seas.
81 guess you mean to bring up
that ere one to be pretty sharp at a
bargain" said fellow to a woman
who was rocking and singing with
all her might to little response
bility.
"Whyw
"Cause you keep bawling by loac,
baby, By low, baby, into his ears all
the time"
"My dear Amelia" said a dandy,
81 have long wished for this oppor-
tunity, but hardly dare speak now,
for 1 fear you will reject me; but |
love you; say you will be mine?
Your smiles would she'd" and then
he came to pause; "your smiles
would shed," and then he paused
again.
"Never mind the wood-shed," re-
piled Amelia, 'go on with the pretty
talk --
c. L. Vallandigham. disguised
with politics-or it with him-has
taken to lecturing on " The Bible"
We would not be surprised to hear
of Brick Pomeroy's preaching on
Christianity next.
"Mama, can a door speak, Ser
tainly not, my dear" ''Then why
din you tell Anne this morning to
answer the door?" 1T is time for
you to go to school, my dear"
A Boston teacher asked n new boy
who made the glorious universe,
but the boy couldn't tell; so the
teacher got rawhide, and told the
boy if he didn't tell he would whip
him. The boy looked at the whip
and sniffled out; ''Please, Sir, did,
but won't do it again"
Saw-dust pills, says an old physi-
clan, would eeffctually cure many of
the diseases with which mankind is
afflicted if every patient would make
his own saw-dust.
A London witness having told the
magistrate he was penman, was
asked in what branch of literature
he welded his pen, and he replied
that he penned sheep in Smithfield
market.
An old bachelor having been
laughed at by bevy of pretty girls,
told them they were small potatoes.
''We may be small potatoes" replied
one of the maidens, "but We are
sweet ones"
"Where are you going" said
Scotch gentleman to thief, whom
he observed crawling through hole
in the hedge into his garden. Back
again" replied Sawney, as he hastily
retreated.
A young lady explained to prin-
ter the other day the distinction be-
tween printing and publishing, and
at the conclusion of her remarks, by
way of illustration, she said, "You
may print kiss on my cheek, but
you must not publish it."
One of the best hits ever made at
an impropriety in lady's dress was
made by Tallyrand. During the
revolution, when asked by lady his
opinion of her dress, he replied,
ut began too late and ended too
soon"
A gentleman, in his eagerness at
the table to answer a call for apple
pie, owing to the knife slipping on
the bottom of the dish, found his
knuckles buried in the crust, when
a wag who sat opposite him very
gravely observed whilst he held his
plate, "Sir, I'll trouble you for bit
,chile your hand is tn."
A Judge being challenged by a
Senator, the following dialogue en-
sued: .Senator:-"Did you receive
my note, sir? Judge:-"Yes, sir"
swell, do you intend to fight me"
mo, sir" "Then, sir, consider
YOU a pitiful coward" Right, sir;
you knew that we'll, or You never
would have challenged me.
Halo, stranger, you appear to be
travelingY" "Yes, l always travel
when on a journey" 81 think
have seen you somewhere" Very
likely, l have often been there"
What might be your name" at
might be Sam Patch; but it isn't"
"Have you been long in these parts"
Never longer than at present-dve
feet nine"
Thompson is not going to do any
thing more in conundrums. He re-
Gently asked his wife the difference
between his head and hogshead,
and she said there was none. He
says that is not the right answer.
A Maine Man named Hope hung
love. He had been de-
ferred too long.
A sheriff asked the wife of a
Quaker, against whom he had writ,
if her husband was at home. She
replied, "Yes; he will see thee in a
The sheriff waited, but
the Quaker did not tappear. He was
contented with seeing the sheriff,
but did not care that the sheriff
should see him.
A vain woman in New Mexico en-
deavored to pass herself off on tho
-taker as only los, in the face
of the fact that she had q grand
aged so. u