The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-11-01
II U M oRoUs ITEMS

distributed she being easy to please, took
the first one that turned up-'
Bsg" A clergyman who had united in
marriage couple whose Christian names
were Benjamin and Annie, on being
asked by mutual friend how they ap-
peared during the ceremony replied that
they appeared dnnie-mated and benefited.
DGy- {" Professor" said student in
pursuit of knowledge concerning the hab-
its Of animals, "why does cat, while
eating, turn her head first one way and
then the otherY' {" For the reason" re-
piled the Professor, "that she cannot
turn it both ways at once"
DEg- When steady, well-behaved
young man is seen shaking hands with a
pump, and bidding it an affectionate good
night, OF saying, "Poor old Corbison
Robscrew;" there may be faint apprehen-
sion that he has been taking some
thing"
Dgn There is two ways of doing it,
said Pat to himself as he stood musing
and waiting for a job ON the street
corner. IF save $4,000 I must. lay up
5000 year for twenty years, or can put
away $40 year for two hundred years.
Now which way will do it?
RSg~ An inebriate fell down fight of
stairs the other night, and passer-by
fearing him seriously injured ran to pick
him up. But the man majestically stag
gered to his feet, and in response to the
profered aid roared out, " You jes let me
lone. Want no slobberin' around me.
I allus come down stairs that way"
BaS~ A few days since an organ grind
er, accompanied by monkey, was grind
ing in Essex a little boy of four years
presented Mr.. Monkey with a penny,
accompanied with the following brief and
appropriate speech: "Monkey, take it
and glib it to your fader." The monkey
bowed his thanks, but made no reply.
na~ cannot conceive, what's the
matter with my watch !; l think it must
want cleaning" was the exclamation of
an indulgent husband to his better half
the other day.
"No, pa,' said his petted little daugh-
ter, know it don't want cleaning, be-
cause baby and I washed it in the basin,
ever so long, this morning"
Dgg~ Recently thief, of the Mawworm
type, said to judge quite confdingly /:
"Please your honor l committed the
theft in weak moment; quite, indeed
against my own will, your honor" ooh
very well" said the judge, it is only
right that you should have no cause for
complaint. The offence will be met in
proper spirit. As you committed the
act against your own will, you will be
punished against your own will"
Dagn Confab between inquiring stran-
ger and steamboat pilot: "That is
Black mountains ?" eyes sir: highest
mountain about Lake George" "Any
story or legend connected with that
mountain ?" 'Lots of 'em. Two lovers
went up in that mountain and never came
back again" Indeed why what be-
came of them?, Went down on the
other side"
pas~ A couple of young ladies fresh
from Philadelphia boarding school,
spied on the roadside beyond Laurel
Hill, an old milestone inscribed thus:
81 NJ. FROM MANAYUNK."
"Oh sister, DEAR" exclaimed the ell
der, edo look at the epitaph, isn't it beau
tiful? So simple and yet so touching
"PM FROM MANAYUNK."
Day~ A Baptist and Congregationalist
minister were riding together one day,
when there was strong manifestations Of
of a coming shower. The former sug-
gested to the latter, who was driving,
that he had better quicken the speed OF
the horse. The Congregationalst re-
piled, Why brother are you afraid Of
water 2"
t "Oh, no." said the Baptist, " l am not
afraid of water; it's the sprinkling 1 wish
to avoid"
D@- A dyspeptic at Troy read that by
sending dollar to a man in New York
he mould raoaiua n,,uo g.