South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1870-10-14
WIT AND IIUNIoR.


fore dressing for party, you needn't re-
arrange your hair. You couldn't make it
look rougher il you did,
ES-A young lady went into music
store, and asked the clerk if he bad I.oy-
ing Eyes (tho song) He replied, I'm
told 50 BY the girls
Es- Deacon, said a minister. after a
heavy sermon, TN very tired Indeed,
then you'll know how to pity US, replied
the deacon.
ES'- A cockney tourist met Scotch las
sic going bnrefooted toward Glasgow
Lassio said be, Il should like to know if
all the people in this part go barefooted p
Part on 'om do, aud the rest on m mind
their own business, was the rather set
Ting reply.
G1f y widower was recently rejected by
a damsel who didn't want affections that
had been warmed over
Es,- Who is the young man whose sweet.
heart told him the other evening, IF you
mean business by coming here twice week
want to know it; for I've just had an Of
fer from another fellow, aud shall take him
up if you don't pop
Ess There's one thing which can always
be found, and that's fault
Es' Embrace as many opportunities as
you please, but only one woman.
ExT No wonder eyes sometimes look
pleading and sorrowful; they are under the
lash all the time.
Sa-To remove stains from character
get rich.
E4'- Inircnchmenis are the first care in
war-rctrenchments in peace.
WHAT lie WANTED A recent visitor
from Hartford to Martha's Vineyard camp
ground, who had been suffering from the
exorbitant charges made for everything du.
ring injecting week, such as 81 day for
rooms, 81 for breakfast, etc, was st,olling
past the societies tent (Which oucircled the
alternately where meeting was being held
just as he was passing, the voice of al ex-
horter was heard, 'Salvation's free, saliva
tons free He stopped at once and said,
I'll take some of that; it's the only thing
I've heard Of since I've been here that
haven't lad to pay a big price for
TILE Issue ILLUSTRATED Two old
friends met a few days ago and were about tax
ing a friendly glass in memory of better days,
when the following conversation took place
Tom.-'Wcl, Dick, | hear you arc
Democrat; can it be true?'
Dick -'Well, Tom, I'm afraid I'll have
to plead guilty to the charge
Tom well, l never would have be-
lieved it You and | were old Wings and
have fought the Democrats Tor thirty years,
and now for you to knock under and join
them looks curious enough
Dick.-Ycs, Tom, it does lyoh little
curious, but it is only curious in looks I
can't see where I and the Democrats disa-
gree now in anything, and why should we
be enemies when it takes US all to save the
country? The truth Is, Tom, I've cast the
whole matte. up in my mind, aud have
come to the conclusion that a man must
oo'g be one of three things Radical, a
Democrat or q darncd fool
WATTS IMPROVED An old clergyman
whohad the most unbouudcd faith in Watts
hymn book, was fond Of sayiug that he
could never open to any page without find
ing an appropriate hymn. a mschicyous
son Of his thought it would be a good joke
to test his fathers faith So be took an
old song aud pastcd it IN one Of The pages
Of ,hc book, overs hymn, so nicely that IL
could not be easily detected At Church
on Sabbath morning the minister happened
to open at that very page, and commenced
TO read
"Oll Grimes s. dead"
There was n sensation in the audience.
lie looked at the choir and they booked at
him; but such was his faith in Watts
hymns that be undertook itaglin, common
cling With lho Same line. There was ano.
thot sensation TO The audience Looking at
it again, and then at the congregation, and
tbcu 40 Tho choir said he, Brethren, it IS
here in regular order 10 Watts hymn bool,
and we viii sing 10 anyhow
Er~A negro preacher accidentally read
well known verso, My feet arc as hens
fcct. instead Of binds foot' You will ob.
serve my brcdlern, ha lil, chat a ben ia
the hcn-roos', when itfus asleep, &c Tight
ems its grin SOS not 90 GIIof Aud dats