Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1870-06-12


prophets, %oracles, seers, soothsayers,
fortune-teIlers, witches and necroman-
GERS. One of that useful and interest
ing class has recently sprouted up IN
Memphis as suddenly, f%ragrantly and
as rapidly as did JOnah's gourd vine.
Moses, Elijah and Isaiah, during their
day, were considered respectable pro-
phets, but they were arrantiimpostors
in comparison with the editor OF the
Apalanche. He can look through a
milestone as easily as other people
can through windOw-panes and Cog
ple-eyed spectacles. The fellow IS evil
IDENTIFY inspired, and for the future
should be considered an evangelist or
an apostle, and in passing him COM
mon people should bow, as a goose
always bows in passing under an arch,
however high. The editor, evidently,
has a big lump of the divinity in him.
It was said Of Burke that he could
take a survey of the political sky and
tell the destiny Of the nation for
twenty years. The editor of the
Avalanche is blessed with the
same kind of prophetic vision,
with this addition, that he knows
all about the coming seasons
and the crops, as well as the flu
ture politics of the country. On Fri
day morning this modern prophet
and c%oniurer mounts his tripod, and
with all the gravity and sOlemnity of
a Gipsy fortune-teller rebukes a scep-
teal and unbelieving world as follows:
1.-THE following from the Holly
Springs Reporter is a fair illustration
of the state of things OF which the
Avalanche warned the planting COM
munity six or eight months ago, and
from which both the mercan-
tile and planting interests are
now suffering" "Had the plant
ing community pursued the pol
icy repeatedly laid down by the
AUaJanche, a very different state OF
affairs might now be recorded"
There now! The Avalanche is the
mirror by which planters are hereaf-
ter to dress themselves. The editor,
who never plowed a furrow in his
life, knows not "gee" from "haw,"
how to tie a hame string, or whether
cotton is planted in June or
December, grasps his gold pen
between his soft, dainty fingers, and
tells horny-handed farmers how to
tend their big and little patches! This
kind of presumption is juicy. Every
thing that turns out disastrOusly the
sage of the Avalanche says he predict
ed it, and every success is achieved
through the "pOlicy" of the same So
lon. During the primitive days OF the
Republic, there lived anOld man upon
the side of a knoll, whose, wife was as
good at predicting future events as
the soothsayer who has opened shop
on Jefferson street. One morning the
old man rushed into his room, and eX-
citedly exclaimed, sold woman, the
COW has eat up the grind-stOne!' 81
told you So" was the response of the
knowing Huldah. 81 told you So"
is the stereotyped exclamation of our
prophetic neighbor. Now, that "the
pen" has ceased to be "mightier than
the sword" he ought to substitute, at
the masthead of his paper, ''The AZ
dtaHche told you So" If any of the
buxom damsels that adorn our city
desire to take a peep into the future,
all that they have to do is to
lay their pretty little digits
the hands of this inspired
editor. He will give them a gentle
squeeze, count the wrinkles in the
palm, look wistfully into the eyes, and
by an inexplicable fascinating hOcus
pocus or conjuration tell who is the
lucky man, when the wedding comes
of, and how much they will swell the
returns. Our delphic cotempora-
~ can unravel the enigmas that puzzled
Gdipus as easily as he can a skein Of
silk or a hank of yarn. He knows all
about the mysteries of the Egyptian
hieroglyphics. The people entertain
much respect for him and
his prophesies that we would not be
surprised if they should read the AZ
blanche editorials as AristOtle's Nor
ais were read before the Reformation,
instead OF the scriptures. He is evil
IDENTIFY an Atlas with a world upon
his brawny shoulders. He is not only
a prophet but he is a wizard; and has
the peculiar faculty Of getting up bet
ter telegraphic, commercial and local
reports than any of his cOtem-
pOraries. He scorns to receive spe-
ial cable dispatches from Victoria and
Napoleon; and to prove that his pro-
fessions of superior enterprise are not
humbuggery, he has undertaken to
build a Geographic line of his own to
the moon. The posts have been plant
ed, and the wires stretched as far as
the milBy-Way, and about the time
the frogs cease to crOak in the marshes,
we may expect a dispatch from pale
Cynthia, informing US as to the health
Of the man in the moon; whether or
not that mysterious luminary is really
made Of green cheese, and how much
the thing pays for the light it has SO
long borrowed from the Jun.
Seriously, it occurs to US that the
is nauseated with this disgust
ing puffery of men who value them
selves a hundred per cent. above their
fair worth. Minerva threw away the
flute, when she found that it pulled
up her own cheeks; but the putting
prophet of the AUdLGnche would not
part with a flute, or a bellows, or
any instrument that could be used
pumping gas into a wind-bag. Self
.laudatiOn, like laudanum and other
poisonous medicines, is beneficial in
small, though injurious in large guam
titles. Everybody may appear little
in the estimation Of the prophet; but
he appears little to everybody. Self
praise is half scandal, and the empty
minds who deal in it soar above their
sphere, like paper kites, which