, 1870-04-10
$50
You gee, "txo wouldn't do" Thats d


-Toncntng and Irresistible vas sh.t invita-
tion ot the rustie maiden to her swain:
"Co1ue over and Sec me- We have new lamp
GoHn, 11ntil there isn't scarcely bit Of Light
in the rootu.'
Sexton Brown, Of Grace Church, New
York, IL minor poet Of great grace. He
bought monument for crsar, the dog whicl
went on the Arctic expedition Of kauc. and
liz, Of the Home Journal He then composed
the following magnificent eritaph:
"Thy masters ]uur'.al aud lucid pen,
NaAe thee = deg Of much tenowa.
Which caused this tribute to thy memory
Fron Sexton Brown"
Husband. "1f were 10 lose you, ~nr1d
never BE- such fool as to mary again Wife.
II we're to lose you, would marry again
directly" Husband MY death vsu'l Be r. e
whom !" uurband. " NJ euecaseor.'
a rreeocious htt1e girl. after studHng IN
tentsF Tor some time chrome picture Of the
NhKdalet reclining on her face and weeping,
Suddenly turned to her mother and exclaimed,
with great animation: Mamma, !! know
Why Mr.. Magt7alcn is crying. Il is because
iii: Magdalen doe4 not buy her clothes
eponeh.H
My oldest. abnut q, one dag. on Lis return
from eehocl. ran M with ea1neatnesa. and naid:
Mother, have GOT any children" {" WHY,
no! Why do you a~k:" "'Cauae read II.
chillren.+"
-..That bed il not long enough for me.
said very tall. gruN o.d Ens'ishuAn, upon
beirg usbered into his bcdroot.l by N lri.h
.aiter ut one Of our hote1s. 'tFath. an you'll
lind it plenty long. s!r. when yon get into it"
wae the reply. FOR then thetell be Two feet
more added ton Exit Tat, with boot fetch
ing ur the rear. .......
The BOSTON .Adrerti*eT hariGg recently
htatel that "uopth" was the cole uIirilvp,ablc
monoeyllable in the English language, coTe-
sropdent ten,is lhF following:
any tcacher"-k7li lIsplng hoy
.+My Teacher ca1}et me- ,iunth-'
"Ib*rt,~ sad tile father, .thats the rori
That's made ii rh.me with month"
=. Eu,. fsther, yo1 know. love makcs time
fx," 4altl an enthusiastic daughter. who wss
arTuine III favor Of longer bridal trip tllan
usual - Fee, ny dear. know It docs At
dt.t." replied the old gentleman !, :. but yonN
End in The end that time will rnake love fy-"
-The Cleveland iAraM thinks the tnaE-
riage tersice should lie ehangei to read
'Mho dsre4 take this woman = and the
groom ehall auawer, A dare-"
-1he Erangfha te1A Of an impressive ser
mon on the duty OF "la1geDess Of bened-
cence Among those in the congregation
mors deeply moved w1a q lady Of some wealth
This lady remarked TO another, as they were
leaTing the ehurch What a powerful ser
mou vas never before 20 impressed NTH
the duty and privilege Of giving largely and
freeIx. felt mortified sud Ashamed that
lad given 10 little. l sm determined to do
better. and to send, this very week, another
new eilk dreee to my daughter" :"
Il New York paper SAVE: There Is Z
t1iek being extensively practiced by honae'y
but wealth! girls, who want to raafEy. They
Eet themselves np 10 look like dyepeptics in
| tha Last etages, when same nice man noarfles
/ them. Parties in this citc will make Hplen-
did ea1te,fsi. dysPsp d-s Gr Sor out
a Taxsn urgcs his farorite newspaper 70
continue to pour red-hot thunderbo)ts right
unto the teeth OF the 1eechcs aud shafks who
rrampae on the couAtitutiou and grind the faces
| OF the people.
a Boston rn.u rot knocked down for oner-
| lng / young la.Iv alGO to let him huS her as
Eauch ~ Tia. fellow did during the waltz fos
| nothing.
-Casendish. the philosopher, tnFsriably bid
4 lex Of mutton for his solitary dinner On one
occasion be announced to his se17ant thAs six
gentlcrnen we're to dine with him On that day.
"Whst an TO give them for dinner p et@cu-
lated the fActosum IN diEuayi "one ieG OF
| mutton won't DO for au gentlemen" Than
give them sig legs Of mutton" Was the phl1o-
sophicA reply -
-" Sir. "esii IN old seotch wprnan to her
| Minister, II d;duA ken part Of rou: sermon
| Yesterday" "Indaed: what wsa il p :. You
saal tho Apostle used the figure Of cisruHlocu-
| tic11, aud dinna ken what j: me sns - L. thAs
III: Itsvery plssn. The figure Of enr91io- 1!o
| taon." lob. ah. Is that all sa'd tho good
| wornau- What puir fool w.s not to nn-
| d. sstxnd thxt.."
-T~o cocottes in Paris were recently talk
| ing shout TrauppnAnns execution: =" Did you
sea his head cat on I" asked one OF them
"Ys,r replied ths other, "bat gnt On roale
he other. any God" she replied, II Mt
messed one execution before IN womAus
| clothes; but Wss so dreaafullf scared that
| l resolved TO 70 there tho ne1t time Il mau-"
Ar + tnl in m Alabama town, not long
since, oua Of the witneeses, an old lady of
J sorae 50 years, WIS., closely questioned By the
| leI eye-sishs. Can you see me :" said be-.
YES" VA answazod. ''Hov well can you
| kea me1" persistad the LAWYER. "T ell
! anoughr" responded tho lady. "to see thst
you're neisher neEro, an Indian, nor ] gen
| ueman.' Tho answer brought down the house
and sileoced the COUNSEL
Queen Elizabeth, seeing certain D2zonet
u her garden ona day. looked out Of tha WIN
dow xpd aked him, =" Whist does man think
Of When he thinks Of nothing?" The Bs!onct,
who had not received tho roya1 fa1or which 10
had been led to expect, blursed ont. N.aane,
hs thinks ot xo@ans PI1m!s dz1 IN fsu fmnst
not confuts you. Ange. makes nasn "i'ss' but
ii u fte5 fsct that cestAin prnpensltisa
ruu IN families Ike rcd hair. uao Vho ~ a
hing IN Ohio for murder some ye4@ aso. Ae!s
ss1 sous, and every oae Of 'nGse es4 81 M rsa -
Ting 20 suppress these st1oug hereditary ts-
shneuauu. tha founder Of tho Homno-
! natajs school, Wss ono day consulted by j
vez,,..t5 Erslsa Lesd- 7he 1oc.os Esss:ed