Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1870-03-17
PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS

The hog may not be thofOugli
posted in arithmetic, but when vol
come to "sdhare roJtJp he II
there.
What is the difference betweeh
pin and a hill? One is hard to gel
npi and the other Is hard to Gel
down.
Old maids afe remarkable at
: least for one thldg-ttey carry out
: a single purpose in life.
Sanded sugar looks much better
than it tastes; the same may bd
said Of a painted face
"A man can't help what is done
behind his back" as tie scamp
said when he was kicked out OF
doors"
any friend have you sufficient
confidence in me to loan me a dol.
lar p "Oh, yes confidence cnoagh,
but no dollar"
"My boy, what does yoar moth.
er do for living ?" was asked Of
a little barefootcd urchini "She
eats cold yictuals, sir"
A lady at the West End says
she lives almost entirely on hope.
Nevertheless, she likes one good
square meal day as a basis.
u 90 through my work." 10
the needle said to the idle boy
but not till you're hard pushed"
as the idle boy said to the needlr.
As general thing, people whose
intentions are good will come out
right. Nevertheless, ladies soma.
times intend to get married, and
don't.
Ike's last trick was to throw
Mrs. Partington's gaiter in the al
ley, and call the old lady down
from the third floor to see an alley.
gaiter
A western bound passenger was
lately surprised by the following
announcement Of the conductor -
"Chicago--ffteen minutes for di.
vorces."
An Irishman leaning against
lamp.p post as funeral procession
was passing by, was asked who was
dead. 81 can't exactly say, sur"
said he, "but l presume It is the lin.
tleman in the coffln.7
The manager of country thea.
tire, peeping through the curtains
between the acts, was surprised by
a glimpse Of the empty benches.--.
why, good gracious rs said he,
turning to the prompter, "where Is
the audience" 2" He just stepped
out to get a mug Of beer" was the
brief reply.
We still have a lively recoiiee.
ton Of tie way in which a Sou b
Sea Islander settled a case Of
conscience. The missionary had
rebuked him for the sin pUiygamy,
and lie was mitch grieved. After a
day or two he returned, lis face I'd.
diant with joy. "Me all fight
now-one wife. Me very good
Christian"
What did you do with the 9th.
asked the missionary.
"Me eat her up"
A physician was very much an.
noyed by an old lady WHO was al.
ways sure to accost him in the
street for the purpose of telling
over her ailments. Once she met
him when he was in a great hurry.
All! l see you are quite feeble"
said the doctor. Shut your eyeJ
and show me your tongue" She
Dbeyed, and the doctor, moving of,
eft her standing there for some
ime in this ridiculous DO.
;ition, to the Infinite amusement of
Ill who witnessed the funny scene.
In common with the rest of the
world, DR.. M, an eminent
Church Of Scotland divine, visited
he International Exhibition
shortly after his arrival in the me.
ropolis, an Irishmah came running
o him in the street, crying-"Och,
'lessing on We, Dr. M----!--hUw
re yez ?" I'm Veay well," re-
lied the doctor, rather dryly.-z
And when did yez come to Lon
on p Last week. but how did
ou come to know t1e p "Give
lg a shilling, and I'll tell yez."--
he doctor, curious to know how
nc fellow found out his t1ame, gave
i'm the shilling, when the Irish
ian said {: Sure, then, and / saw
our name on your umbrella"
Recently, in Southern city, Il
ceame necessary in a certain
lufch to raise a few hundred dol
rs for Sunday School purposes
he anniversary of the school was
aemed a fitting opportunity to Sc.
Ire that amount. At the proper
me the clergyman made tile hec-
sary explanations, and asked,
Who will give SI0' There w,rs
% responses. "Who will give
?" Several gave S5. Two gen.
men then circulated through the
'Ies, with Slips iof psper, to 70.
i've contributions from those who
re disinclined TO speak out in
irch. III this way S76 we're Oh.