Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1870-10-13
Misfeilaneons.
An Editor Plays Base Ball.

An Editor Plays Base Ball,
The delightful and tender game o
base ball having broken out with fresf
virulence this season, the following
sketch is in order:
The doctor said we needed exercise
Doctor knows. He told US to join bast
ball: we Joined. Bought book OF In
/ structions and for five days studied
wisely If not too well. Then we Dough'
a sugar scoop cap, a red belt, greer
shirt, yellow trowsers, pumkin-greeI
shoes, paper collar and purple neck-tie
and with lot of other delegates, moved
gently to the ground.
There were two mines. These mines
were antagonists. The ball is pretty
little drop of softness, size of goose
goo. and five degrees harder than rock,
The two mines played against each OF
tits a game much like chess, on
little more chase than chess.
| There was an umpire. His posn
was hard one. He sits on box and
wells i'fouI." His duty is severe.
took the bat. 1t is murderous
playthinp. descended from Pocahont-
as TO the head of John Smith. The
man i'm front of me was pitcher. He
was nice pitcher, but he sent the balls
hot. The man behind was the catcher.
He caught it too!
Umpire said "play." 1t is the most
radical play know of, this base ball.
Saving cordwood is moonlight rambles
beside base ball. So the pitcher sent
ball toward me. 1t looked pretty COM
ing. so let it come. Then hesent an
other. / hit it with the club, and hove
it gently upwards. Then started to
walk to the Arst base. The ball hit in
the pitcherS hands and somebody said
he caught Lily! ! walked leisurely to-
wards the BE. Another man took the
bat. Itur1kd to see how he was max
ing it and mule kicked me on the
cheek. I'll man said it was the ball.
1t felt likea mule. L reposed on the
The game wenton!
Pretty soon there were two more flies,
and three of US flew out. Then the
other nine came in and US nine went
out This was better. just as was
81 fling on my dignity in the left Held,
a 1 ball, as they call it, came skyrock-
citing toward me. My captain yelled,
''take it,"
/ fastened gently forward to where
the ball was aiming to descend L have
good eve to measure distances, and l
saw at a glance where the little aero
lite was to light. put up my, hands.
How sweetly the bali descended! Every
BODY looked; I felt something warm in
my eve. "Muffin!" yelled ninety fell
lows. Muffin be d-d! It's cannon
ball!n For three days I've had two
pounds of raw beef on that eye, and yet
it paineth!
Then l wanted to go home, but my
gentle captain said may" So 1 mayed
and stayed. Pretty soon it was my
strike. "To bait" yelled the umpire.
went, but not all serene as was my
wont. The pitcher sent in one hip high.
It struck::me in the gullet "Fou1 yelled
the umpire. He sent in the ball again.
This time I took it square and sent it
down the right field, through parlor
win low, q kerosene lamp, and rip up
against the head Of an infant who was
quietly taking its nap i'll his or its
mothers arms. Then / slung the bat
and meandered forth to the first. Iheard
high words and looked. When slung
the bat, had with it broken the jaw of
the umpire and was fined ten cents.
The game went on. I liked it. 1t is
so much fun to run from base to base
just in time to be put out, or TO chase a
ball three-fourths of mile down hill,
while all the spectators yell "Muffin!"
"go lt!' "home run!" 'sgo round again!'
or Ego round dozen times!" Base ball
is asweet little game. When it came
my turn 10 bat again l noticed every
body move back about ten rods! The
new umpire retreated twelve rods. He
was timi d. The pitcher sent 'em in hot.
Hot balls in time of war are good. But
don't like 'em to hot for fun. After O
while got fair clip at, and you bet it
went cutting the daisies down the right
field. A fat man and a dog sat in the
shade of an oak, enjoying the game.
The ball broke one leg of the dog, and
landed runaway engine. in the cor
porsity of the fat man. He was taken
home to die.
Then L went on a double-quick to the
field, and tried to stop hot ball. 1t
came toward me from the bat at the
rate of nine miles a minute. l put up
NV hands-the ball went sweetly sing
ing Oh its way, vii h all the skin from
my palms with it.
More raw beef.
That was an eventful chap who first
invented base ball. It's such fun. I've
played five games, and this is the re-
suit:
Twenty-seven dollars paid out for
things.
One bunged eye-badly bunged.
One broken little finger.
One bump OH the head.
Nineteen lame backs.
4 sore jaw.
One dislocated shoulder, from trying
to throw the ball a thou sand yards.
Two hands raw from trying to stop
hot balls.
A lump the size of hornets nest on
left hip, well back.
A nose sweetly jammed, and five uni
forms spoiled from rolling in the dirt at
the bases.
have played two weeks, and don't
think L like the game. I've looked
over the scorers book and fnd that |
have broken several bats, made one tai
ly, broken one umpire's jaw, broken
ten windows in adjoining houses, killed
baby, broken the leg of dog, mortal
ly injured the bread basket ola specta-
tor, knocked five other players out of
time by singing my bat, and Knocked
the waterfall from school marm who
was standing 20 rods from the field,
quie tlooker-on.
l have used up fifteen bottles of arnica
liniment, five bottles of lotion, half a
raw beef, and SO full of pain that it
seems as if my limbs were but broken
bats, and my legs the limbs of dead
horse-chestnut.