The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1870-10-07
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4SJ J
The children's kingdOm-Lapland.
A fit of passion Getting married.
A band of hope The wedding ring
A smart thing mustard plaster.
The spirit of the press-new cider.
A man Of mark sign painter.
Table of interest-the dinner table.
A light employment-candle making.
The hardships of the ocean-ironclads.
Visionary fruit-tho apple of our eye.
Burning words-a dictionary in flames.
An alarming feature lannon's mouth.
A fruitful disappointment-sour grapes.
A poor relation-telling an anecdote
badly.
Academy of Design-A young ladies
boarding school.
Epitaph on a waiter-He could wait no
longer-he is gone.
The ties that connect business men with
the public-advertise.
The worst organ grinder hollow tooth
that plays the deuce.
The favorite romance of ofice-seakers-
"Put Yourself in his Place"
The letters C. o. D. are said to signify
"Come Immediately Down"
Why is a w-asherwoman like gTief2 Be-
cause she wrings mems bosoms.
A friend at q pinch-one who shares
snuf-box with you.
Why is a kiss like scandal2 Because
1t goes from mouth to mouth.
A person, c~hoking..with a potato VIII
find instand relief by swallowing a pump
kin.
When a man runs for office, what kind
Of a sweetmeat does he become? Acandi-
date.
Somebody says that women make very
good street-sweepers when they are train
cd 20 it.
A milkman accounted for the weakness
Of his milk by saying that the cow got
caught in the rain.
Union is not always strength" as the
sailor said when he saw the purser mixing
his rum with water.
A gang of laborers on the strike in
England have painted on their banners,
"a little earning IS a dangerous thing"
Bedad,' said an IrisIman, IF a Yankee
were cast away on q desert Island, he'd
begin selling maps to the inhabitants
What is the difference between Kate
Coventry and Byran's Conrad2 She was
. lady who loved TO ours hares he was
corsair who loved two ladies.
Dear me, how heartily tired 1 am OF
this mourning observed q fashionable Ia
dyto her maid. 'By-the-by, Jane who
am I in mourning for?'
From an old military man-Why are
the Canadian volunteers like Nelson2 Be-
cause the last thing he did was to die for
his country, and that is about the last
thing they'll do.
Figures will not lie" is an old, and
used TO be a well-accredited saying. But
the introduction of hoops, crinoline, hips
bustles, false calves, and patent palpita-
tors" has played the dickens with the
proverb.
Sydney Smith says, regarding the IN
necessary consumption Of food Accord
ing to my computation I have eaten and
drunk, between my tenth and seventeenth
year, forty-four wagon loads more than
was good for me-"
Elihu Burritt desires sealed proposal:
for 224,633, 900,212 tons OF book paper
on which to print a book containing al
the newspaper articles, sermons, etc, that
have been printed about Dickens since
that authors death.
A lady of the shoddyocracy Of Des
MONIES found, on returning from a walk
some call cards on her table. She called
a servant in great haste, saying: John
John, take these and run, quick; them
ladies is forgot their tickets"
Josh Billings lately entered in his diary
Reflected how often 1 had wished to BE-
rich, and how seldom my wishes had beer
grati6ed; Resolved in the future not tC
wish for ~ennything until / have had il
three weeks, and see how l liked 1t"
That was not a bad hit of a gentleman
going out Of town in a train, who said tC
his iriendSa comparatively young mar
Just retired from business, "Ah, when peo-
pie tire from business in town, they 60 tC
retire in the country"
. A travelling insurance agent had beer
explaining to q Western pioneer the ad'
vantages Of an insurance policy. . Path.
finder unused a moment in grave silence
and then said: See here, mister, l havC
lived out in this country now twenty-five
years, and I have bucked agin most al
the games they've started, but darn me e
want to play a game where you nave t.
die to beat the bank"
Said a loving wife to her husband, owl
you never, learn, my dear, the differences
between real and ~exchangeable value p
The husband, tired of political economist
in petticoats, replied, "Ah, yes, my dear,
know your great learning, and many vir
tues. That's your real value. But L alsC
know that none Of my married friends
would exchange wives with me-. That
your e~xchangeable value"
AN Irish boy trying hard to get q pIact
denied that he was Irish.
Il don't know what you mean by no
being al Irishman,' said the man who wa!
about to hire him, but this 1 do know
you were born in Ireland
Och your honor, If that's all, small
blame to that. Suppose your old cat haC
kittens in the oven, would they be loave
Of breadP
The boy got the place.
A genial, bald-headed gentleman on
day went to the Geological Gardens. TIL
weather was very warm, and he Ian,
down on o beach and soon went to sleeI
Presently he was aroused by a strang
feeling Of warmth on his head. An in
fatuated ostrich had come along, and mis-
taking his bald head for an egg, settle,
down with q resolute determination t
hatch it or set there forever. Our frien
yelled with fright, and the startled ostric
left such tracks as were never seen befor
or since.
A very good story is told of a gentle
nan in E. who is a very worthy citi
zen, who had a farm a short distance on