The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1870-10-04

ssS~ A dull judge in Brooklyn has OBJ
tained the nickname of old Necessity
because necessity knoacS no law
BG~ A Mississippi negro worked on
shares but got nuffin," because" said
he 1 worked for de seventh, and we
only made de fifth crop short
BsS" A correspondent asks if the seat
of war is cushioned. If it is not, it
ought to be, for it is not very soft seat
at any time.
RS~ Miss Brown, I have been to
learn to tell fortunes" said young fel-
low to a brisk brunette "just give me
your hand if you please. ."-"La Mr..
White, how sudden you are. Well 90
ask pa"
BsS~ Mrs. Partington says, that if she
should be cast away she would prefer
meeting with the catastrophe in the 'Bay
of Biscuits ~ for then she should have
something to live on
D6y~ An Editor, dunning delinquent
subscribers says he has responsibilities
which he is obliged to meat. How
many responsibilities and whether boys
or girls he does not say.
BS" A "boy of the Emerald ISLE"
who was appointed census taker in Hi
nois, has sent in his report to the effect
that livery mothers son av them towld
me his name was Nichtsverstay, and that
he was nein years of age"
Bk3s~ An Irish tailor made a customers
coat and vest too small, and was ordered
to take them home and let them out.
Some days after, the gentlemen was told
that his garments happened to fit
countryman of his, and he had let them
out at shilling week.
Bas- In Iowa merchant sent dunning
letter to man, who replied by return
mail " You say you are holding my note
yet. That is all right-perfectly right.
Just keep holding on to it, and if you find
your hands slipping, spit on them and
try again. Yours affectionately.
EHDasn Two friends, some years mar
ried and widely separated, lately exchang-
cd kilograms, thus " To. All we'll.
We have two pairs of twins. How is
that for high?" "To-. We have
three little girls. Three of a kind beats
two pairs p
B6s" A woman, over 80 years of ace
! went into one of the dental establishments
in Hartford, Conn.,, to have a set of teeth
repaired, and gave as a reason for being
particular about the work, that though
she did not expect to live long, she de-
sired to have her corpse look as we'll as
possible
Dag" Seeing great crowd gathered in
the street, gentleman, meeting boy,
said to him:
&C Is there anything goin on ?"
eyes, sir" was the ready reply.
"There's two things goin' on you're goin'
on, and I'm goin' on"
Rs2g~ A travelling insurance agent has
been explaining to a western pioneer the
advantage of an insurance policy. Path
finder unused moment in grave silence
and then said y" See here, mister, [ have
lived out in this country now twenty-five
years, and have bucked agn most all
the games they've started, but darn me of
l want to play game where you have
to die to beat the bank"
Ba~ During revival in a country
town the minister officiating approached
a young man with the question: "My
young friend, have you prayed for the
salvation of your soul?" No, sir" ans
wered the youth, with penitent tone.
"Do you not desire to offer thanks for
the mercies you have received by divine
favor ?" eyes; but don't know how"
hesitatingly answered the youth But
you can repeat the publican's prayer,
mo, sir" was the emphatic response
I'm Democrat, and d-n the Repub-
licans."
BS5~ A green looking chap from the
Green Mountain State, went over the
line, and on to Montreal, "to look around
| q lenttln GOin0 into n lorco ovl LII