The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1870-04-29

TIGHT BOOTS

TIGHT B0OIBs
weuld jist like tew kno who the
man was who fust invented tite boots.
He must have bin narrow and
kontrakted kuss.
If he still lives, hope he haz re-
pented ov biz sin, or il enjoying crate
agony of some kind.
/ llav bin in CRATE menny tite spots
i'm mi life, but generally could manage
10 make them average: but there IL
no such thing as making pair of tite
boots average.
I'm kant gitan average Oh the pinch
ov a tite boot, emmy more than WI kan
on the bite ov a lobster.
Emmy man who kan wear pair ov
tite boots, and be humble and peni-
tent. and not indulge in profane liter
literature, will make good husband.
lie will do more than that, he will
do to divide up into several fust klass
husbands, and be made to answer for
whole naberhood.
Oh. for the pen ov the departed
VIM. Shaksspear, to write an anthe-
ma against tite boots, that. would
make anshunt Rome wake up and
howl agin, az she did once before on q
previous ockashun.
Oh! for the strength of Herkules,
to tare into shu strings all the tite
boots of creashun and skater them to
the winds of heaven.
Oh! for the butEy of Venus, tew
make bigg foot look hansum with
out tite boot on it.
Oh! for the payshunce of Job, the
Apostle, TO nuss lite boot and bless
il, and even pra for one size smaller
and more pinchful.
Oh. for pair ov boots bigg enuf
for the foot ov a mountain.
lIav been led into the above as
sortmept ov . Obs from having i'm
my possession, at this moment. pair
of number nine boots, with pair ov
number eleven feet in them.
Mi feet are az a dogs noze the fust
time he wears muzZle.
| think my feet will eventually
chok the boots to deth.
live i'm hopes they will.
/ supposed had lived long enuff
not 10 be phooled agin in this way,
but hav found that an ounce of vani-
ty weighs more than pound of rea-
sou, espeshly when man mistakes a
b:gg foot for a small one.
Avoid tito boots, mi friend, as you
would the grip .ov the devil, for many
man haz caught for life fust rate
habit for swearing by encouraging hiz
faat IN burt HE boofs
hav promised mi two feet, at least
a dozen ov times during mi checkured
life, that they never should be stran-
gled again, but l find them to-day az
full of pain az the stummuk AXE from
a sudden attack of tite boots.
But this liz solemnly the last pair 0v
lite boots will ever wear; Twill here
after wear boots az big az my feet, if
have to go barefoot to do it.
am too old and too respectable to
be phOol emmy more. al
Eazy boots is one ov the luxurics Ov
life, but forgit what the other luXu-
ry IL, but i don't know as i care, pro-
vided can git rid ov this pair ov
titc boots.
Emmy man kan hav them for seven
dollars, just half what they kost, and
if they don't make his feet axe wuss
than an angle worm in hot ashes, he
needn't pay for them.
Methuseles IL the only man that l
kan kali to mind low who could have
afforded TO have wore tite boots and
enjoyed them; he had crate deal of
waste time 10 be miserable i'm, but
life now days iztoo short, and too
full ov aktual Dizziness to phool away
emmy ov it on tite boots.
Title boots are an insult 10 emmy
mans understanding
He who wears tite boots will have
to acknowledge the corn.
lite boots have no, bowels of mersy,
their insides are wrath and promiske-
Gus cussing.
Beware Ov tite boots.